《Diary of a Teenaged Mimic》


 Day One

    Dear Diary,


    Getting shot in the head hurts like a bitch.


    I mean, I think it does. I''m pretty sure it did. Today''s been kind of a mess. Lemme start at the beginning.


    So, today was gonna be kind of a shit day at school, so I decided to cut out after lunch; with me having the first lunch period, that gave me most of the day to myself. What with a third of the school coming into the cafeteria and another third heading out, it wasn''t too tough to slip out of the building. Okay, I don''t know what the other kids do that gets them caught, but I just put my head down, act like I''m supposed to be going where I''m going, and nobody gives me a second glance. It''s a knack; I blend. I don''t even think about doing it, really. Hell, I don''t even realize I''m doing it most of the time. I only notice when I''m pulling some unlikely bullshit. Which today was kinda full of, but I''ll get there when I get there.


    Once I got out of the school I had to find someplace to be. The house was empty and depressing; Mom died a few years back when I was a freshman, Dad kicked the bucket way before that. At least Mom told me he did; he hadn''t been in our life for a while before that. I kinda remember him as a deep voice, rough hands, and a moustache, but for all I know that''s just from Mom talking about him. If I met him on the street I wouldn''t recognize him. For all I know Mom lied and he''s still out there somewhere.


    Anyway, technically I lived with my older sister. In reality, she had an apartment across the river in Philly, and only ''lived with me'' so I could finish out High School in the same school district where I started. I dunno why that seemed so important back when Mom died, but at the time I threw a goddamned fit when my sister talked about me moving in with her, so she ''moved back'' to ''take care of me''. Really, she just put her name on stuff and I paid for it out of the insurance money from when Mom died. You''d think that wouldn''t last very long, but when the insurance policy is covered by work, and you live in the shittiest part of a shitty town, ''cost of living'' can be stupidly low if you don''t fuck around and waste money.


    So I didn''t want to head home. Instead I stopped at the corner store, picked up a pack of gum and a couple pastelillos, and started walking toward the waterfront. Not sure why I headed that way in particular, other than the fact that a couple schools and banks had rebuilt a couple big chunks of it, which meant it wasn''t as beat up and decrepit as the rest of the town. I wasn''t into military stuff, but the battleship they''d parked in the river was a not-completely-boring way to waste a few hours. If the old vets had the unenviable job of taking donations and playing tour guide today, I might even flirt with a couple of them. I''m nobody''s idea of pretty, let alone hot, but when a young woman flirts with a sixty something guy, the sixty something guy reacts. It''s like a law of nature or something.


    My sister would throw a goddamned fit if she knew I''d done that once or twice before with dudes old enough to be her grandfather. I mean, flirted with them. Thinking about doing more than playing around makes the little kid part of me go all squick, but the adult part figures they''re at least likely to know what they''re doing, y''know?


    Of course, that''s part of what would make my sister go ballistic. ''You''re not an adult, and I''m responsible for you!'' I can''t count how many times I''d heard that line. I could sign up for the military, get sent overseas and get shot, but in so many other ways I might as well be a little kid. Nobody who isn''t looking to exploit someone is going to hire someone my age at any rate. I mean, I''ve got the choice of ''do you want fries with that?'', enlisting, or looking for that overstuffed black leather couch. Kinda sad that I''m pretty sure I could make more money from that last one than either of the other two. God that sucks.


    I''m getting off track. Like I said, it''s been a hell of a day. Where was I?


    Oh, right. Heading to the waterfront to find some way to kill a few hours.


    Anyhow, I meandered my ass down to the waterfront and hit the jackpot. A bunch of big yellow busses parked in front of the aquarium, with two herds of kids moving more or less toward the front gate. I walked over and attached myself to the back of the first group, letting the confusion work for me. A few minutes standing in what passed for a line, and I was inside. I lingered near the gate until the second group started coming in, then split off to go look at the sharks.


    Everybody else is always looking at the dolphins or the penguins, but not me. I head straight for the sharks, or the octopi if I''m in that kind of mood. Lest I be misconstrued, I mean the kind of mood where I want to fuck around with something more intelligent than the druggies on the street. Once in a while I''ll go past the octopi and try to find the little color changing squids, but on a day like today, with two whole groups of not-legally-adults tromping through the place, they''d be hidden but good. Hell, the octopi would probably be hidden too, so no point in going there. Instead I just stared through the thick plexiglass at the sharks, wondering if maybe there was a way to get up to the catwalks they used to feed them. Don''t worry, I''m not the sort to go swimming with them, but if you''re gonna fuck around teasing someone, it''s got a whole different visceral level of thrill if there''s not bulletproof plexiglass between you.


    Speaking of bulletproof, I''d mentioned being shot, and by now I know you''re all ''god, when will this bitch get to the good part?'' I''ll get there when I get there. If a goddamned shark chomping toward me didn''t grind my gears when there''s plexiglass between us, how much do you think you''ll have to do when there''s notional paper and ink and time in the way?


    Anyhow, I was there chilling with my shark homies, trying to ignore a few other kids who had, like me, split off to see something cooler than Flipper, when I heard the unmistakable sound of gunfire. People always go on about how they think its fireworks, or a car backfiring, but once you''ve heard actual guns being fired you really don''t make that mistake any more. Okay, I didn''t. I didn''t know about stupid people. Maybe they did. So anyway, gunfire, and not the one or two shots I''d heard when some asshole decided to dispute the franchise rights to his favorite dealing corner, but the ongoing rattle of someone who didn''t give a fuck how much ammunition cost. Screams echoed through the aquarium as well, but screams didn''t scare me. Bullets did.


    Just my luck. I ditch school, walk all the way down to the waterfront, and get caught up in some white people school shooting bullshit. I shook my head, reminding myself that there were good ones out there; that not all white people got off on flaunting their privilege and walking away from crimes that would leave me bleeding in the street. I shouldn''t blame everyone with a particular skin tone for the actions of a few assholes.


    I started looking for a way onto the catwalks seriously now. A door off to one side labelled ''employees only'' seemed like a good bet; I ran over and tried the handle, but as you might imagine, it was locked. On the other hand, it had the feel of an emergency door; one of those that is only ''locked'' from one side. I dug into my purse looking for my school ID. A few seconds searching and I had it in hand, trying to ignore the sounds of gunfire coming from the hall, trying to ignore the two other kids who hadn''t left at a run when the shooting started.


    In case you''re wondering why I was trying to jimmy a lock instead of running, there''s like, no cover outside the aquarium, and something told me that whatever frustrated incel had decided to take his lack of sexual prowess out on his classmates was counting on that. Also, I''d barely passed Phys Ed. I didn''t ''run'' so much as ''half-heartedly jog''.


    I got my ID in between the door and the frame, and pulled the door open just in time for a single shot to rip it out of my hand and slam it against the plexiglass of the shark tank. My hand was fucked up when the door handle ripped its way free of my grip, and a burning sensation crept across my chest, but I didn''t stop to look, I just ran up the steps on the far side of the door. I''d like to say I hit the catwalk at a dead run, but as I just said, me and physical exertion don''t get along. Adrenaline forcing my heart to try and pound its way out of my chest, I crested the top of the steps onto the catwalk at a dead stagger. From behind me I heard someone say something like ''Another one for you, over by the shark tank'', but I didn''t pay too much attention. I kept staggering forward, trying to put some distance between me and the top of the stairs. I came to a juncture with another catwalk, and decided to turn right because I slipped, dropped my purse, and almost fell backward into the shark tank on my left, then overcompensated and fell onto the catwalk to the right.


    Shaking my head to clear it where I''d bounced it off the catwalk, I pushed myself to my feet, looking around for the shooter as I did. Bodies covered the bleachers where the kids had been watching the dolphin show. A few bodies floated in the water; one in a wetsuit, a couple in regular clothes, and even a couple dolphins.


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    Who the fuck shoots dolphins? Like I said, privileged incel bullshit.


    Anyway, I spotted the second shooter just as I made it to my feet. Unfortunately, it took me a few precious seconds to recognize him as a shooter, since he lay flat on the roof of a building, a rifle pointed directly at me.


    The next little bit I don''t remember perfectly. At a guess, I''d say the brain damage caused it, but I''m not a fuckin'' doctor, so what do I know? Something hit me square in the forehead, or at least it felt like it hit me square in the forehead. As I''ve noted previously, getting shot in the head hurts like a bitch. It also flipped me back into the water behind me. I sank, stunned, lungs burning where I breathed in salt water, eyes open and staring. I figured at least I might make a decent meal for the sharks I''d spent the morning tormenting until something wrapped itself around my chest and pulled me deeper into the water. I think my brain misfired, because I tried to say something like ''oh, the Octopus tank'', but with my lungs full of water and my brain full of bullet I don''t know what it came out sounding like. A moment later the arm wrapped around me twisted, showing me one huge eye on the side of a big bulbous head.


    I don''t know quite what happened next, but it felt like falling. That made no sense, since I was already in the water, where I''d be sinking if I wasn''t being held by a giant octopus, but sense making or not, my brain told me I was falling. Of course, as I''ve noted, my brain wasn''t in the best condition, so god fuckin'' knows what actually was happening. I hung there, staring into that giant eye, falling faster and faster while not moving an inch, for I don''t know how long. The eye consumed more and more of my fading vision, seeming to get bigger and bigger until I saw nothing else.


    Right as I thought I was about to black out, I got the weirdest sensation; everything got slightly dull except the center of my vision, which had a weird obscured clarity to it, like a pop-up window except in real life. Whatever instinct I had that let me pull off that blending-with-a-crowd thing screamed at me incoherently, and letters appeared in the middle of the weird pop-up thing.


    Mimic? (Y/N)


    I didn''t say yes. I didn''t say no. I didn''t say anything; I was struggling with a serious case of ''death by gunshot'' complicated by ''death by drowning''. If I did anything, it was more of a mental shrug followed by resignation embodying the idea of ''fuck it, why not?''


    That''s when shit got really weird.


    No, really. Up until that point my last day had been crap, maybe unusual crap, but violent death was something that just happened in my town. It happening due to some random racist bullshit was ironic, but the actual death itself wasn''t all that unexpected.


    Anyhow, weird.


    Over the course of a few seconds, the eye in front of me shrank down until it looked barely bigger than my own. At the same time, my head fell apart. Okay, that''s what it felt like, the top of my head splitting open and the insides rushing out, and out, and out, until there had to be more of me on the outside of my head than there was me inside me. Finally, my arms and legs and body split, twisted, and shifted until I had eight long, heavy tentacles reaching out from beneath what little remained of my neck.


    Before I could really come to terms with the weird stuff going on with my body, the eye in front of me blinked, the octopus detangled itself from me, and it shot toward the shimmering surface far above us both, leaving me floating near the floor of the tank. For the next few moments, I did nothing but admire how the aquarium had managed to recreate the look of a real seabed, despite being nearly fifty miles from the ocean.


    Then the echoes of screaming and explosions reached me.


    I couldn''t really tell you why I crawled up the side of the enclosure. Maybe I didn''t want to be huddled on the bottom of the tank when the shooter found me. Maybe curiosity had overcome my fear. Maybe I was in a dream state and just did it because it seemed like the next thing to do.


    Maybe I was just pissed off and now had eight limbs to go ham on someone with.


    I got to the top of the wall and, after a moment''s confusion, managed to push one eye out of the water. After another moment spent blinking and trying to focus, everything snapped into crystal sharp clarity. One thing became immediately clear. I wasn''t in Kansas any more.


    Okay, I wasn''t in Kansas to begin with, but now I wasn''t in Camden, New Jersey either. At least not one that I recognized. The river was wider, not so built up along the shoreline. The Ben Franklin Bridge was just... wrong; too many way too skinny posts reaching down into the water, way too high of an arch, and clean white marble on the underside of the expanse. Closer to me, the aquarium seating was shaped differently and looked to be concrete or maybe stone instead of cheap aluminum.


    Also, there was a fuckin'' dragon in the water, firing blasts of flaming goo at anything that moved. I didn''t really get an appreciation for the size of the thing until my recent rescuer, now twin, groped his way out of our mutual enclosure into the big pool with the dragon and all the dead bodies floating around. The dragon must have seen the motion, because he looked our way and spat a hunk of flaming gunk in my direction; the other octopus had already made his way over the jetty and under the surface of the water. I, on the other hand, sat there like a dumbass until the gunk splattered over me and exploded.


    The impact wasn''t as bad as I thought it would be, maybe due to my current squishiness. The flames and acid, on the other hand, burned, eating into my skin both above and below the waterline. I tried to swear while pulling myself over the jetty into the water, but apparently an octopus beak isn''t the best at screaming ''motherfucker'' at the top of my lungs. Instead I shot forward, directly toward the source of my pain. After a moment of screaming agony, I bounced off of the thing''s thigh. The burning stopped immediately, and along with the minor euphoria of that surcease of pain, my attention was distracted by another of those weird popups.


    Mimic (Size)? (Y/N)


    Not knowing what exactly it meant, I went with my standard response of ''fuck it, why not?''


    The dragon shrank. At least, I thought that''s what was happening at first. Then I realized that everything else except me was shrinking too. Then, because eventually I can catch a clue if it beats on my head like a maraca, I realized that I was growing. Within seconds, the thing spitting fire and death all over the aquarium looked up at me as I laid one long tentacle across its back to keep me from sinking. It breathed in, obviously about to cover me in flaming much again. Without thinking about what I was doing, I grabbed its mouth with one arm and squeezed to hold it shut. Its eyes bulged a little, and some foam leaked through its teeth, but mostly it looked like someone who had just been forced to swallow a load of vomit; simultaneously revolted and furious.


    Right about then I realized something. The dragon was buoyant, enough to keep itself and me above the waterline. That meant that a hefty chunk of its size was mostly air, maybe some kind of swim bladder. Another big chunk, currently covered by one of my arms, was wings; not exactly the most durable of structures.


    I, on the other hand, was one big ball of pissed off muscle. I wrapped another arm around its head, two more around its body, and one around each of its non-wing limbs and squeezed for all I was worth. It tried to claw at me, but without any good leverage the most it managed were superficial cuts. Things started breaking; first the wings crunched and snapped, followed by the Dragon''s jaw. As its struggles grew more frantic, I switched from crushing to pulling; its neck stretched a long way, but long before I reached my limit it caught. I flexed every bit of my muscle, and after a few loud pops like tree trunks and high tension wires snapping, its head tore completely free.


    That left it fountaining blood from the end of its neck; from the vague itchiness I felt it probably wasn''t any less caustic than the stuff it was puking up before. I tried tying it in a knot, but that worked about as well as you''d imagine; all it did was spray blood in different directions while I worked to tie a knot with unfamiliar limbs. Finally, I just thought ''screw it'', bore down on the body of the thing with all eight limbs until something ruptured explosively; after that it sank to the bottom with me pretty quickly. I did my best to cover it up with the sandy soil on the riverbed, figuring it might at least slow the spread of the gunk.


    By this point I felt pretty awful; not in the sense of being hurt, per se, but the kind of bone-deep weariness that comes from lots of adrenaline making you do lots of athletic stuff that you have in no way trained for, ever. I wanted to just collapse right then and there, but my little octopus friend chose that moment to poke me with the tip of one of his arms. Blinking, I looked at him, then looked up to the surface where he pointed. Dozens of bodies floated there; some in pieces, others made up of pieces that shouldn''t have meshed, like the one with the upper half of a bodybuilder and the lower half of a fish. Vaguely I saw people moving along the edge of the water carrying some kind of long poles. Spears, maybe? My brain needed a break as much as the rest of me. I looked down at my little octopus buddy, unsure of what he wanted me to do; help with search and rescue, fight off the men with spears, or maybe run away with him to the Caribbean. PR was pretty nice this time of year, so that sounded okay, but leaving now was just right out. I had no go left to give.


    I turned back to him with a shrug, and another of those popups filled my vision.


    Blend? (Y/N)


    My poor abused brain chose that moment to remind me of how octopi could change themselves to look like just about anything. If I was gonna take a nap, it sounded like a good idea to do so as a rock, rather than a giant sea beast, so I nodded in the affirmative.


    Even faster than I''d grown or changed before, I shrank down to a normal human size, with my normal number of limbs and my eyes back to the front of my head. I think I even had teeth, because they jammed together painfully when several thousand tons of displaced water slammed down into me.


    The next few moments were a blur. I remember a long, fleshy arm around me. Things rapidly got brighter until I was more or less tossed onto the lowest row of seats in the aquarium''s amphitheater. The last thing I remembered was an older woman bending over me, screaming to someone behind her, ''I''ve got a live one here!''

 Day Two

    Dear Diary,


    So yesterday I cut half my classes, snuck into the aquarium, got shot in the head, turned into a giant octopus and ripped a dragon in half.


    Today I woke up in a nurse''s office with a splitting headache.


    It wasn''t the nurse''s office back at my old school, Eastside High. But all nurse''s offices have a sort of same-ness to them. This one smelled more of mint than antiseptic, but everything still seemed artificially clean, with cots separated by gauzy curtains. Okay, I wasn''t sure about that plural, because after all I''d just woken up, but it seemed like a safe guess. I freed my arms from the light cover over me and pushed myself up.


    I tried to push myself up. The moment my head left the pillow, the room spun and my gut clenched. I must have made some kind of noise, because a moment later a woman in a weird white outfit pushed through the curtains at the end of the bed and moved quickly to the side of the bed, one hand gently pushing me back until my head hit the pillow once more.


    "Don''t lift your head; the pillow has some simple charms to ward off pain and discomfort. Just lie still."


    I squinted, trying to sort out why the woman''s dress seemed so weird. While I did that, she ran a hand over me while muttering something under her breath. Not, like, touching me, but just hovering her hand around four inches above me while moving it from my forehead down to my knees.


    "Where am I?" I slurred, my mouth and throat both too parched to properly pronounce anything. "Can I get some water?"


    The woman shook her head, I got the sense that she did so more because of confusion and annoyance than to deny me a drink. She did answer my questions though.


    "You''re in the infirmary of the Young Ladies'' Wing of the Phileo City Heroic Academy," I now had no more idea where I was than before, but I knew the nurse in this nurse''s office could drop capital letters on random words and make them sound like capitals. Somehow she did it without raising her voice much above a whisper. "You were brought back here after the attack on the aquarium yesterday." She shook her head again, this time as if upset by what she had to say, but trying to hide it from someone in a sickbed. "More than a few candidates died. Worse, our registrar, who intended to enroll everyone properly after the field trip, is still... she''s still unconscious." She pursed her mouth, disliking the taste of what she had to say next, "I''m afraid we don''t even know your name. Cheryl was carrying most of the registration documentation with her, and when the sea drake doused her in liquid flame, most of the records went up like kindling."


    I rolled my head back and forth on the pillow, lifting it just a tiny bit at the end of one rotation. So long as my head touched linen, I felt fine, but the moment I lifted it even the slightest bit, my head pounded and my stomach clenched again. Neat bit of tech there; I kinda wanted to know how it worked, but I figured I had more important things to deal with first. "You don''t even know my name?"


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    She smiled sadly. "I''m sorry, no. Between not knowing your name and not having any paperwork, we couldn''t contact your parents, or even do much for you medically beyond simple painkillers and sleep aids."


    I cracked my neck without lifting my head. That helped a bit; while I wasn''t in pain, every bit of me felt like I''d slept on a stone slab. "So, uh... why am I here if you don''t know who I am?"


    She blinked, taken aback by my simple question. "You''re... you''re a student. I mean, that much is obvious; what would anyone else your age be doing at the aquarium with all the," she waved her hands around, at a loss for how to describe something. "With all Cheryl''s very public nonsense about open enrollment at the aquarium this year."


    I frowned a little, despite trying to hide it. The pillow did seem to have a bit of a soporific quality; either that or something else had me hovering just on this side of sleep. "You didn''t approve of the open enrollment?"


    She shook her head again, smiling this time. "Oh, no. I think it''s a wonderful idea, especially given how far enrollment has been down over the past few years. Quite a few of the alumni objected, citing the principle of the thing, but when Headmaster Miles gave them the option of ''open enrollment or fewer reinforcements'', they all loosened their purse strings."


    I hid my reaction to the word ''reinforcements''. Yeah, she''d said it was an Academy, but that was just a fancy word for a College Prep school, right? I tried to ignore the nagging inner voice reminding me about the Military Academies at Annapolis and West Point, a little difficult considering how many kids flew out to Basic within a month of graduating Eastside. "So, why nonsense?"


    She actually smiled at that. "Oh, Cheryl had some idea about kids from Camden Yards coming out of the woodwork to sign up. I mean, a lot of them would love to, but how many of them would pass the admissions tests?"


    I frowned at that. "Uh, so if you don''t have any of the info, how do you know I passed the admissions tests?"


    She returned my frown with interest, only I got the idea she wasn''t aiming it at me, per se. "Well, I''m sure she would have done at least a little preliminary testing right there on the spot; with the open enrollment things wouldn''t be quite so rigorous. But that''s all beside the point, really." She smiled down at me, sadness crinkling her eyes the tiniest bit. "You survived ground zero of a Dragon attack that killed half a dozen instructors and at least two dozen students. While nobody likes to say it, that''s what Heroes from the Academies do; they wade in where angels fear to tread, and some even walk back out afterwards."


    I needed some time alone to think about that. While Eastside provided more than its fair share of cannon fodder to the military, that had never been my thing. I took the Reserve Officer Training Corps class, otherwise known as ROTC, during my freshman year because a bunch of friends did, but I don''t think I''d so much as looked at my uniform in over a year. At the same time, this place just plain smelled nicer than Eastside; if I could get away with putting a few years in, then drop out or something before they sent me into the meat grinder, it might be fun to play at being a rich kid for a while. "Uh, can I get a little time to nap? I''m sleepy. It might be the pillow talking though."


    She smiled again. "Yes, they do that. Rest cures many ills. With Cheryl out of action, I''ll need to go over your replacement paperwork, but it will take me a bit to pull it all together. Do you feel well enough to answer a bunch of questions?"


    My stomach growled loud enough to overwhelm any response I might have made. My face heated when I said "Yeah, I can do that. Can I get something to eat though?"


    She nodded, "I''ll send for something. I''ll wake you when everything is ready."


    The moment she was out of sight I tried lifting my head again. Still pounding, stomach still tied in a knot. I collapsed back onto the bed and passed back out.

 Day Three

    Dear Diary,


    Yesterday was more than a little hectic; hopefully I''ll be able to get some rest today after I fill you in on what''s happened. I''ve been sleeping a lot lately, though. Apparently being nearly killed more than once in a day will do that to you.


    Where was I? Oh, yeah, flat on my back in the nurse''s office, hoping to avoid my head exploding when I took it off the pillow.


    I woke to the sounds of squeaky wheels rolling through the room beyond my curtained off alcove. I''d learned my lesson about raising my head, so instead I croaked out, "Nurse?"


    The squeaky wheels stopped, and the nurse stuck her head in through the curtain. She smiled at me, "You''re awake! Excellent timing." She backed into the room, pulling a small rolling desk behind her. She sat on the foot of my bed and pulled the desk up to her.


    "Water, please?" My voice didn''t want to do anything but rasp.


    She nodded and reached toward the curtain, "Marie, bread and broth."


    Marie handed over a small covered bowl and a small loaf of unsliced bread, the kind of thing you''d see at a steakhouse. Something bugged me about Marie''s hands, but I couldn''t quite tell what before the Sister handed them to me, and I pushed myself up to take them. My head pounded, my stomach tied itself in knots, but I grabbed at the food like a lifeline. Sliding the lid back on the soup released a powerful savory smell into the room, and I straight up drank it from the side of the bowl in one long pull. Dropping the bowl in my lap, I ripped the bread apart and wolfed it down, only stopping when I held the one remaining heel.


    "Uh... sorry?"


    The nurse laughed. "Quite all right. Good appetite, that''s an excellent sign. Now, we''ve got some paperwork for your registration. Are you feeling well enough to answer some questions?"


    I nodded, not trusting my voice.


    "Good, good." She pulled what looked like sheets of parchment into a neat stack, then pulled a feather from the top drawer of the rolling desk. At my look, she explained, "I know it''s a little old fashioned, but it''s sort of an heirloom of the office. An alumni enchanted it for my predecessor, and she handed it down to me when I took over. It''ll likely last longer than I will. Strange, the little things that outlast us."


    I nodded and shrugged, not knowing how to respond to that. I mean, I''m not going to be clich¨¦ and say ''I don''t believe in magic'' when I''d turned into a goddamned giant octopus yesterday.


    "Okay, then. Let''s get started. What''s your name?"


    I cleared my throat before speaking, and while my voice came out clear and free of croaking, it still sounded weird. Like when you hear a recording of your own voice. "Tabitha. Tabitha Diaz. What''s your name?"


    She blinked at that before speaking. "I''m sorry, I suppose most people who come in see my name on the sign. I''m Sister Siobhan, The Ladies'' Wing Infirmary Healer. Your parents?"


    "Dead." I deadpanned.


    "Oh, I''m so sorry." Strangely, she sounded like she meant it. "At the aquarium?"


    "No. Mom died three years ago. Dad... he died when I was little. I''m not exactly sure when." I hated the fake sympathy most people oozed when I told them, but Sister Siobhan seemed to take my announcement in stride, no more or less sympathetic than before.


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    "Well then." She''d been shuffling through some papers, pulling another from the stack and setting them to the side after writing something near the top of each.


    "I''ll still need your parents'' names." She waited, pen hovering over the paper.


    "Mom is... was... Marie Diaz. My dad''s name," I paused, cudgeling my brain for his first name. When you''re as young as I was when he left, you just called him ''dad'', not by his first name. "Gomez Rodriguez."


    She pursed her lips at that as she wrote, penciling more in on the second paper than the first.


    "Right." She pulled another paper from the stack before continuing. "Interspecies relationships are always difficult. Even if society didn''t frown on them, the age differences involved sometimes are difficult to deal with. I assume your father was human?"


    My brain had jumped the rails and come to a screeching halt when she started talking about ''interspecies'', and tumbled a bit when she just casually implied my mom wasn''t human. My words came out far more sharply than I intended. "No. My mom was as human as I am."


    She stifled her smirk, but not enough I couldn''t hear it in her voice. "As far as those things go, it''s pretty obvious you''re not entirely human, dear." She stopped herself, a look of shock overcoming her. "Your father was a Bag then?" Something about the way she said the word reminded me of the way some people would say ''Black'', as if it was some kind of horrible idea that the person in front of them wasn''t another colonizer.


    Years of ingrained practice at letting things go to blend in came to my rescue. "Uh... maybe? I was like, really, really small when he died."


    She nodded, filling in a few more blanks on each form. She spoke as she did. "Please, I intend no offense. Love is love, and even if it wasn''t a love match, only a true villain would blame a child for the actions of their parents. I''m going to note your father''s species as ''unknown, presumed Dan''. Just between you and I, some of the faculty and plenty of the alumni can be a little set in their ways, and the best bursary dispensations are for orphaned children of Dan. Do you think you can keep that in mind if anyone asks?"


    My brain scrambled to process all the information she''d dropped right there. Not just the names and my new secret identity, but the subtler information about which races were and weren''t Phileo City''s privileged class, because it really felt like the Dan filled that slot, and no human of any color was likely to fit in with them. At the same time, I responded with, "Sure. How could you tell I''m not just, y''know, completely human?" I felt like I''d failed somehow; most people outside Camden took me for white at first glance, and the best this woman had was ''half Dan'', which seemed like it wasn''t ''blending''.


    Sister Siobhan actually giggled a little at that. "I''m sorry, but it''s pretty obvious, at least with your hair pulled back. We wouldn''t want the infirmary stinking of dead fish, so some of the novitiates bathed everyone brought in unable to do for themselves. With your hair back... Just a moment," she turned to the curtain again, "Marie, bring me a hand mirror."


    Listening to Marie walk off, I got the impression that she was more than a little bit tall. Her steps came from noticeably further away with each footstep, and returned just as quickly. When she handed in the mirror, I examined her hand. Pale, almost translucent skin the color of cream, long fingers, and I couldn''t quite tell if they had the right number of joints or not. Her nails stretched out beyond her fingertips by half the length of her last finger joint, and each had been carved down to a blunt point, like a natural shiv or claw.


    Sister Siobhan handed me the mirror, and I lifted it front of me, half muttering, "Could I get some more food and some water, please?" accompanied by my stomach letting out an echoing growl.


    I held the heavy mirror out a distance in front of me, trying to take in as much of my face and head as I could while still being able to see details. Two strands of black, wavy hair framed my face, the rest pulled back into a pony tail. My skin, never my best feature, lay smooth and unblemished as a baby''s ass. Just about the same color as well; weird for someone who had spent most of her life avoiding the sun to avoid browning too much to pass. A quick tilt of the mirror to one side then the other showed me the most damning feature, or so I thought. My ears had always been kinda cute, normal, small, round human ears. These... I could always cover them with my hair, I guessed, but short of that nobody would mistake me for human. Vulcan, maybe, or Elf, or any other pointy-eared not-human, but not human. I blinked, trying to take in the details; as my eyes focused my own pupils caught my attention; long, thin vertical slits like a cat.


    I think that''s about when I fainted.

 Day Four

    Dear Diary,


    I''ve been holed up in my room for a couple days now. Classes haven''t restarted after the attack at the aquarium.


    On the other hand, I''ve got a place to sleep and Marie brings meals around, so I can''t complain too much.


    Where was I? Oh, yeah, fainting when I looked in the mirror.


    I mean, I''m not sure I fainted, exactly. I know I thumped back onto the pillow, mirror still clutched in my hand. I guess it seems a little extreme, but thing is, it wasn''t really the shock at my eyes or ears being inhuman. It was the rest of everything. My hair isn''t black, it''s more of a medium brown. My nose is a little too big, kind of a lump in the middle of my face rather than the aquiline blade in the mirror. My skin is dark enough to look like a white person with a tan, it''s not ''the beacons are lit'' white. My face, overall, is a forgettable oval, not the faintly foxlike one staring back at me.


    Still, I wasn''t going to complain about an upgrade, especially if I could work it to get free money for going to school. Also, my brain was still my brain, and staring at my face like this wasn''t going to help me blend. Fortunately, my stomach came charging to my rescue and let out a growl that would mortify me in any other circumstance. I pushed myself back up, handing the mirror back to the Sister. "I''m sorry, I think I''m hungrier than I thought."


    She took the mirror, already speaking to Marie, "water and anything more substantial that you''ve got in the cart, Marie."


    Again Marie''s weird hands forked over a loaf of unsliced bread. Sister Siobhan set the mirror down before taking the bread and passing it to me. While I tore my way through it, someone poured something outside the curtain, and Marie handed in a weird glass stein. Weird or not, I took it from the Sister and washed down the first half of the loaf. As I did, the Sister looked at Marie and said, "Needs must, that''s fine." Marie handed in a small platter with an honest to god domed lid. I took it, setting it on my lap while I polished off the heel of the loaf. When I lifted away the lid, the aroma of freshly cooked chicken hit me. I think the lid fell to the floor, but I''m really not sure. Something metallic dropped away, but my full attention was on tearing the chicken apart and cramming it into my mouth as fast as I could chew and swallow.


    Frankly, I''m not sure I chewed all that much. I''m also pretty sure I ate a couple of the smaller bones. I know I picked up all the bigger ones and sucked any remaining meat or meat adjacent bits off of them. I didn''t stop until nothing remained on the plate except clean bones. The compulsion to eat dying down, I looked around for more, spotting the glass stein lying on its side next to my leg. The top had sealed itself when I dropped it, clever design for an infirmary, where the folks might not be able to hold it reliably. I picked it up and looked back to Sister Siobhan kind of sheepishly. For her part, she just stared, eyes a little wide, her mouth twisted in a bit of a smirk.


    "Very, very, healthy appetite, I see. Whatever you did to survive the attack must have really taken it out of you." She looked back at the stack of papers. "Only one or two more things to fill out. Place of Birth?"


    "Camden. Uh, Camden Yards."


    She paused a moment before shaking her head and writing a few words on each of the pages in front of her. "Cheryl will be insufferable," she muttered. "Still and all, it looks like she was right. Now, not to be indelicate, dear, but do you have any bequests from your parents, or any property they''ve left you?"


    I sighed. It always came back around to money. "Nope. I had a purse with most of my belongings in it, but I think I dropped it at the aquarium. It''s probably at the bottom of the river now." Also probably at the bottom of the Delaware River, not at the bottom of whatever river ran between Camden Yards and Phileo City, but I wasn''t about to go into that at this point.


    "Oh. Oh, my. Where have you been staying since your mother passed?"


    I really doubted my sister wound up here too, so I just shrugged, "Here and there. Wherever I could find a roof."


    "You poor dear." She wrote a few things on the papers in front of her, then pulled a small bowl out of the rolling desk and sprinkled sand across the three of them. "Well, until I''m told otherwise, I''ll assume you''re going to receive a bursary dispensation not just for your tuition, but for room and board as well. If they don''t like it, they can tell me so later." She nodded and squared her shoulders, as if preparing to fight anyone who told her I wasn''t a full-ride scholarship student. "Now, there are some additional rules and restrictions that dispensation students must follow, but most of those are just about keeping your nose clean, not slacking, and not embarrassing the school. I''m sure those won''t be a problem for you, right dear?"


    I blinked, still taken aback at the idea that someone I''d just met would actually fight for me. I mean, I''d read about people like that, but generally they don''t come to Camden much, or if they do they don''t survive long. Before she could change her mind, I muttered, "No, yeah, I can do all that."


    I''d never managed to keep my nose clean, I''d always slacked, and I was pretty much a terminal embarrassment to Eastside, but I wasn''t about to tell Sister Siobhan any of that.


    A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.


    "One final item, then. Patron?"


    I didn''t have a patron, and I''m pretty sure we''d just discussed why. Something must have shown in my face, because she smiled a conspiratorial little smile and whispered, "It''s fine, dear. It mostly goes to which day you have off for Devotions."


    I''d never been fond of getting up for school on Monday, so I went with that. "Monday?" I said.


    She frowned a little, more confusion than disapproval, then turned back to her papers. "Patron; Diana. Just a moment then." The Sister stood, walked around the bed until she stood about where my waist was, then bowed her head and muttered something too low for me to make out the words. It sounded almost like a prayer, and the way she folded her hands as she spoke only reinforced that assumption. As she prayed, a faint light emanated from her hands; by the time she finished it was clear the glow wasn''t a trick of the light. She knelt next to the bed and, starting with my head, moved her hands across me, a few inches from touching me. I felt something as her hands passed; not painful, but definitely uncomfortable. In a few moments, she finished, and smiled as she stood.


    "There''s still something odd, but that might be your father''s blood coming through. I''ve never Diagnosed a half Bag, or even Bag before. But you seem healthy other than that. Are you feeling up to walking a bit?"


    Other than feeling like I''d been sleeping on a board, I felt pretty good. I nodded, then spun my legs out of the far side of the bed and pushed myself to my feet. "Good to go whenever, wherever."


    "That positive attitude will serve you well with most of the instructors. Marie, show Tabitha... show Candidate Diaz to an available Dispensary Student room. See to it she has a full set of uniforms. She''ll also want to know where the Dining Hall, the Library, and the Practice Yard are."


    She looked back to me, a wry smile on her face. "I''m sorry about the uniforms, but they''re the only thing the school has in terms of clothing, and you''ll be wanting to get out of those sooner than later, I''m guessing. Please follow Marie, she''ll show you to your room and get you settled."


    "Thank you, Sister." I wanted to give her a hug, but the bed stood between us, and I had no idea what the norms for hugging were here. I didn''t want to screw up by being too physically affectionate. Instead I turned and pushed the gauzy curtain aside and got my first good look at Marie.


    I''m proud of the fact that I took my first look at her in stride, because she was definitely living in the Uncanny Valley mining Nightmare Fuel. The most normal thing about her, the maids uniform she wore, hung oddly on her frame. She had to be at least seven feet tall, and by the width of her arms, her wrists, and her face, I''d guess she weighed less than me. Every bit of skin had that translucent look to it; I could see veins beneath the skin and almost thought I could see bones beneath that. Her hair, mostly pulled back into a bun and hidden by her maid''s cap, seemed well cared for, but still somehow looked lank and greasy, despite being the lightest shade of platinum blonde I''d ever personally seen. Her eyes had the slit pupils I''d seen in the mirror, and when she spoke I saw fangs instead of teeth in her mouth. Not, like, pointed canines, but nothing but canines from edge to edge.


    "Follow." she whispered, her ragged voice pulling me after her like a magnet when she turned and walked toward the door. I followed, not even turning to say good bye to Sister Siobhan.


    Despite being creepy as fuck, Marie was an efficient, if not talkative, tour guide. First she led me to a huge, empty room with a vaulted ceiling. Long trestle tables had been pushed back against the walls, with the exception of three at one end of the hall and a pair near the door where we entered. "Dining Hall." She rasped, "Closed."


    "If it''s not too much trouble, can you bring me food?" Too many chances for me to screw up in a way that stood out with a small group. I''d wait to socialize until there was a crowd I could blend into. Marie just nodded her response and led me back out of the room.


    Next she led me through some halls and up some stairs to a huge room that, what with all the shelving, had been turned into a series of rooms more than one single one. Books lined the walls, the shelves, and some even stood in stacks on the tables scattered about. "Library." I nodded my understanding and, despite my urgent desire to read every single book in the room, followed when she led me out.


    I wasn''t certain, because my direction sense is far from perfect, but I think she led me up to a courtyard directly above the library. Huge stone slabs covered the floor, and a few sheds stood at either end. "Practice Yard." I nodded my understanding once more, and she led me on.


    This time we stayed on the same level, but I''m pretty sure we wandered back in the direction of the Infirmary. At one point we passed under an arch with a pair of heavy wooden doors standing open. There was something written across the arch; I had no idea what language or even alphabet it was in, and yet I could tell it said ''Ladies Wing'', which freaked me out a little bit. Marie led me to a room at the very end of that door-lined hall, which proved to be filled with clothing hanging from poles strung just below the ceiling. Most were bunched together and wrapped in what looked to be opaque plastic, but a fair number at one end hung separately. At a glance they looked a little worn, especially a rectangular spot on the left breast of each. They reminded me of the ROTC uniforms, with that bare patch where the nametag would be.


    While I''d been looking over the uniforms, she''d been doing something at a worktable at one end of the room. When she finished, she scooped a half dozen of the uniforms from the rack, pulled some linens from a table that had been hidden by the uniforms, then pointed with an elbow at a hole in the wall behind the desk she''d worked at. "Laundry."


    She led me out of the room and about halfway back up the hall, where she stopped and opened a door. I followed her in; she hung the uniforms in a small wardrobe, made quick work of putting the linens on the bed, then returned to the wardrobe. I watched in undisguised awe as she hand-sewed an embroidered nametag onto each of the uniforms, her fingers moving faster than I could follow. I decided right then to be as nice as I could to Marie; I didn''t want anyone with claws like that mad at me if she could make them move faster than most sewing machines. A moment later, she was finished.


    She waved a hand as if to indicate the uniforms, the room, and the furniture in it. "Yours." She turned to go.


    "Marie?"


    She stopped and turned back to me, face expressionless.


    "Thank you for showing me around, and for the clothes."


    Marie''s face rippled through emotions faster than I could easily track. Surprise, calculation, wariness, then resignation. "De nada." she said, then turned and left me in my new room.

 Day Five

    Dear Diary,


    So I showed up here on Monday, woke up in the Infirmary on Tuesday, and went into complete Squirrel Mode on Wednesday and Thursday, having Marie deliver food straight to my room.


    Okay, normally I don''t sleep quite that much when I''m in Squirrel Mode, but this was my first time getting yeeted into another world. Or yoinked? Was I yeeted or yoinked? I''m still not certain there, or if it was a combination of yeeting and yoinking, but something told me that might be important.


    So I''ll give you a little virtual tour of my room. Hell, I really ought to call it ''my cell'', although I''d be referencing the medieval lairs of monks, not the modern lairs of convicted criminals.


    We''ll start with the biggest piece of furniture, the bed. On the plus side, it''s pretty solid construction, and while it''s twin-bed narrow, it''s not twin-bed short. I''m guessing it''s about the length of a king bed; if some of the people here are as tall as Marie, I can see why; she might have to curl up a little to fit, but she could do so without being too ridiculously contorted to sleep. Also, when I say ''pretty solidly constructed'', I mean I''m pretty sure I could jump up and down on it all day long without stressing the beams it''s made of in the slightest. This is the kind of bed that you wouldn''t break during sex unless you''re, like, She-Hulk doing the deed with The Abomination. Even they might have some trouble breaking this bad boy. On the other hand, that dump truck solid construction isn''t close enough to make up for the lack of comfort. The mattress is maybe an inch thick at best, and I don''t know what it''s stuffed with, but it isn''t enough to soften the solid slab of oak beneath it. Like, seriously, no box spring, no proper mattress, just a tiny pad over a completely inflexible slab.


    The pillow seems to have that sleepy time enchantment the one in the infirmary had, though, which is nice.


    Next, my desk. It follows that same theme of ''build once for eternity'' that the bed does, although in this case it''s not as much of a problem. The top is a two foot by four foot slab with a weird lamp stuck about three feet down the wall side. The lamp thing is kinda like a camp light the ROTC Sergeant brought along on one of our camping trips. As far as I can tell, the light inside is always lit, but you can adjust how much light it puts into the room by lowering a metal cap down over it; all the way up and the room is as bright as a table lamp can make it, all the way down and it''s black as pitch at midnight. The desk has a couple drawers along one side, as well as one thin drawer right under the desktop that runs from the other drawers to the far end of the desk.


    The chair is... a chair. It''s practically an ode to ignoring ergonomics given physical form; four legs, a seat, and a straight ladder back, all in very hard wood. Fortunately, it''s about the right size for me, because I don''t see a way to adjust the height at all.


    The last bit of furniture in the room is the wardrobe. Again, it follows the theme of Built To Last, but here there''s at least a tiny concession to artistry in the form of some scrollwork across the doors. Inside it returns to pure function, with a pole across the top to hang my uniforms from, a single shelf near the bottom, and a weird drawer with a mesh front under the shelf. Where everything else in the room was spotless and empty when I arrived, that drawer had some really old, desiccated weeds in it. They might have been flowers once upon a time, because they didn''t smell awful.


    In case you''re wondering how I know the lamp has a ''black as midnight'' setting, the ceiling, floor, and all four walls are undecorated grayish stone. No windows. There''s not even a window in the door, so if I put that light all the way down, it''s pitch black. Good for sleeping. Bad for avoiding stubbing your toes on the furniture if you''re not sure where its at.


    That''s actually how I learned another of the oddities about my new eyes. I avoided shutting the light down until I was ready for bed the first night, and I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. When I woke up though, I could sort of see. I say ''sort of'', because while I got absolutely zero sense of color or texture, I got a sort of wireframe view of the world. Enough to navigate by, but not much else. Also, when I pulled the cap up to light the room, I wound up blinding myself for god knows how long. Lesson learned, close my eyes when turning on the lights.


    Yeah, the virtual tour of my room isn''t exactly the Ben Franklin or the Art Museum. On the other hand, at least until I fuck up, this little box of Limbo is all mine, furniture, uniforms, and all.


    The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.


    Oh! That''s the last thing in the room, I suppose; the uniforms. I wore my Eastside school uniform Monday; it''s not so much a ''uniform'' as ''really restrictive dress code''. Black linen pants or skirt; white, orange, or black collared shirt; black shoes. I had a cheap ass pair of loafers, because the floors at Eastside never stayed clean for long. I wore a black polo shirt, because we had actual goths at Eastside, so I didn''t have to worry about being confused for a goth unless I did my makeup in black; not something that went with my complexion, or at least it hadn''t been. I''d have to try that at some point once I figured out where to get cosmetics here in Phileo City. Finally, I generally wore black dress slacks, because when the dress code first came out my friend Emilio and I staged an ongoing protest about the original version of the code, which specified black slacks for boys and black skirts for girls.


    Emilio looked way better in a skirt than I did anyway.


    So the Phileo City Heroic Academy takes the term ''uniform'' way more seriously. The pants are black linen, but they''re way closer to the BDU winter pants back at Eastside ROTC than they were to dress pants. That wouldn''t be bad except for one problem, but I''ll get to that in a minute. The blouse is white and sort of poofy, with ruffles along the neckline. I''m honestly not sure how far the neckline is supposed to plunge, because instead of buttons, zippers, snaps, or even ties along the front, the bottoms of the lapels had a single tie on each, and they had enough material to wrap around my waist. Thing is, if I tie them straight up in front, there''s enough play in the lapels that I could just straight up flash my tits to the world, which is not something I want to do by accident. I mean, I got a bit of an upgrade there; while I wasn''t lacking in the boob department before, I''d already started sagging a little at <REDACTED>. I had no idea what magic let slightly bigger boobs stay perky, but I wasn''t going to complain about that, especially considering... things. Yeah, in a minute, as I said. So if I tied the strings at the bottom, I''d wind up a walking wardrobe malfunction. If I wrap them around my waist and tie them back in the front, not only does the neckline come close to throttling me, but my tits are nearly as visible as if I''d just left the things untied, because reasons. The only way I can get a reasonable amount of slack in the neckline is to tie them behind me, and that''s just a pain in the ass.


    Fortunately for my desire to remain reasonably modest, the double-breasted jacket is made of a thick red material. Between two layers of the stuff, I could be Dolly Parton going commando and nobody would know.


    Of course, that''s the big problem. I''ve just noted all of the articles of clothing Marie issued me on that first day. Six pairs of slacks, six dangerous blouses, and six jackets.


    Notice anything missing? I certainly fucking did.


    When I spoke with Marie about it on Thursday, she brought me a pair of black knee high boots and six pairs of socks. By that point I''d dumped my Eastside clothes into the laundry chute wrapped up in one of my Academy jackets, since the jackets each had ''Diaz'' in beautiful embroidery on the left breast. I''m still really fucking impressed with how fast Marie made those. It might be magic, but being able to sew that fast is the kind of practical thing that just doesn''t scream ''magic'' to me. On the other hand, while she seems to be an Embroidery Witch, when I showed Marie my clean bra and panties, I swear to god on high that she almost teared up looking at them. She just held the panties in front of her, staring at them with something like awe on her face, and just said, "How?" with, I shit you not, tears in her cat pupiled eyes.


    She still brought me what she could, though. Every time I thank her, she gets that same weird look and either mutters ''it was nothing'', or something my brain hears as ''de nada'', even though I know that''s not what she''s actually saying. So now along with my uniforms, I''ve got a sturdy pair of boots, six pairs of shapeless black socks, half a dozen white linen camisoles, a linen corset, and half a dozen I shit you not linen bikini bottoms. I don''t know how else to describe them; they''re basically just a two-inch-wide strip of linen with a linen cord that ties at one side to hold it up.


    Have you ever worn linen? Just to clarify, I''m talking about heavy duty linen, the kind that will last as long if not longer than denim. The kind of thing you''d wear in a factory to provide protection from bumps and scrapes against sharp metal edges, because it laughs at them. In short, that shit is not comfortable. On my legs, my arms, even most of my torso, it''s not that big of a deal. On my lady bits and my nipples, on the other hand? That shit bears a striking resemblance to sandpaper. Fucking. Ouch.


    I tried wearing the cami-and-bikini bottom this morning; first under my uniform, then since I''m all alone in my room, just by itself. I just couldn''t take it. Right now I''ve got my old bra and panties on, but that''s like, two days out of the week at most. I''m either going to find some way to sandpaper-proof my delicate bits, or mama Diaz''s little girl is gonna wind up going commando most of the time. Neither of those sparks joy, but what the fuck else am I going to do?


    So that''s it, my room and all of my worldly possessions.


    In brighter news, classes aren''t scheduled to restart until next Monday, and due to my brilliant bit of improvisation, I''ve got Monday off, so I''m going to spend the next three days exploring the Dining Hall, the Library, and the Practice Yard; not necessarily in that order.

 Day Six

    Dear Diary,


    So yesterday I gave you the virtual tour of my cell here at Phileo City Heroic Academy. That''s really fuckin'' hard to keep saying, so from now on it''s PCHA. Anyhow, I decided to spend the three days between now and my first classes taking stock of the Library, the Practice Yard, and the Dining Hall. I''m actually gonna do them in that order, too, because I don''t want to do the Dining Hall until there''s sure to be a crowd in there, and sixth sevenths of the school ought to be back to classes by Monday, so most of them ought to be eating in the Dining Hall, right?


    Anyhow, I like books, I''m going to the Library first.


    I left my room for the first time since my brief trip out on Thursday to toss my bra and stanky panties down the laundry chute. Regarding that, kudos to whoever''s on laundry detail, because when Marie delivered them back to me, I swear they were like new, except without the starch they''d normally have straight out of the package.


    Before I left the girl''s dormitory, I did a bit of searching around. The rooms on both sides of my hall, at least the ones I could see into, were near carbon copies of my own. The desk in one of them looked newer; not any different, the wood just looked a bit less well smoothed down from wear. Other than that, though, they were identical as far as I could tell. Two more halls flanked the one with my room; the ones that backed on my hall were more of the same; windowless boxes with furniture built to take whatever teenaged ''Heroes'' could dish out.


    The rooms on the far side of the halls were emphatically not the same as the inner rooms. First and most obviously, they were twice the size. Exactly twice the size as far as I could tell, since each was a two room ''suite'' with one room opening onto the hallway and the other connected to the ''entryway'' room. In both of the ones that were open for me to snoop into, the ''entryway'' room held a desk, an open fronted armoire; I''d guess for hanging coats or jackets in. They each had also a desk and an umbrella rack, of all things. Both of them had another more traditional armoire and a bed in the second room. None of the furniture was the blocky, hyper-durable sort I''d seen in the cells. Instead, both rooms had their own unique matching furniture. In one case, the one with slightly shabbier stuff, the furniture even had a coat of arms carved into each piece, with painted highlights so you couldn''t overlook it. The other suite didn''t have that kind of personalization, but it looked both new and expensive.


    Neither bed had any thicker a mattress than my own, but they each had multiple thick quilts piled atop them. I debated swiping one for my room, but each was distressingly unique; the owner would likely spot it at a glance. Nevertheless, I determined to get something softer on top of my bed as soon as I could figure out how.


    A bit more snooping in the hallways and I discovered a stairwell in each corner of the dorm building; one floor above my own, plus another five below, although the bottom floor had an active laundry centered where the laundry room was on my own floor, and I saw a few other oddly proportioned maids moving around. They looked up at me the moment I stepped into view, but turned back to their tasks the moment they recognized my uniform jacket. The floor above that had the nurse''s office taking up three of the outer rooms on one side; as Sister Siobhan had said, her name and title were right there under the word ''Infirmary''. Again, I had no idea what language or alphabet the writing was in, but I could understand it anyway. Weird as fuck. Anyhow, next to the Infirmary, between that and the end of the hall, with a door set so someone in the doorway could see the ''main entrance'' of the girls'' dorm, an office labeled ''House Mother, Sister Trease''. I had no desire to tangle with the house mother, so I took the long way back to my room, then headed out for the Library.


    It took me a little more wandering than I''d like to admit to find it again, but that wandering got me a much better idea of the layout of the central part of the building. Seven floors, with the bottom floor definitely belonging to ''the help'', as the movie put it. Despite wanting to stick around watching the cooks in the big central kitchen, or even the smiths banging away on stuff on one end, the looks I kept getting from the creepily-proportioned maids, cooks, and smiths let me know I wasn''t exactly welcome. Okay, the smiths had an entirely different set of eerie proportions than the maids and cooks, not to mention looking somehow ''guy-like'', but I still couldn''t tell one smith from another, and they all had the same not-quite-human, ''uncanny valley native'' proportions to them. At any rate, while I can''t read a room with the best of them, I''m not completely tone deaf either, so after scoping out the other three big rooms in the basement; a woodworking shop and two storerooms, one for raw foodstuffs and one for weapons and armor, I left them to their work.


    I mean, I palmed a knife while I was in the armory, but what with me losing the mace and balisong from my purse, I needed one, right?


    Don''t get me wrong; I''m not a fighter, but nine times out of ten if someone''s thinking of mugging you and you flash a weapon, they back off. They''re looking for cash and valuables, not a fight. For those of you saying something along the lines of ''but... Dragon?'', I was pissed off, huge, and happened to be an octopus at the time. You see what happens when you''re made of muscle and some overgrown salamander spits acid on you. Somebody''s getting an ass whooping at that point, and it''s not likely to be the one made out of muscle, y''know?


    Anyway. Exploring. Directly above the kitchens sat the two-story-ceilinged Dining Hall; now that I knew what to look for I saw dumbwaiters in the corners, as well as sideboards tucked away under the tables that had been pushed aside. Out in the center of the room, where I assumed the tables normally stood, a few maids crawled along the floor polishing it with cleaning rags. That looked way too much like work for me, so I bolted and headed up another couple floors.


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    As an aside, on the first floor, near the entrance to the Dining Hall, there was a two-story entranceway that I assumed led to the street outside. To one side sat an office labeled ''Headmaster Miles'' Office'', on the other one that either read ''Security'' or ''Guards''; as I watched it the word swam from one to the other in a way that should have made me queasy. It weirded me out that it didn''t so I didn''t stop to figure out which it was.


    I didn''t find an entrance into the middle of the building until I hit the fifth floor, and that led out into the Practice Yard, which was open to the sky. While my desk lamp and Marie were daily reminders that Magic Was A Thing, I really didn''t think they could hide an entire library like the one I''d seen up in the sky, or in one of the towers at the corners of the building. Yeah, the building had towers at the corners, reaching up maybe three stories above the rest of the building, and even from the door into the Practice Yard I could see two people moving around in one of them.


    I went down a floor and did a lap around the building, taking in the various rooms around the outside of the building. Each one was either a classroom or a labelled office. Either the faculty were off until classes resumed, or none of them had open door policies, and I wasn''t really keen on seeing which was which just yet. I went down another floor and did another lap before I finally found the Library; if the big doors next to the Headmaster''s office were the ''front'' of the building, the Library had one entrance in the middle of the ''rear'' hall.


    Once inside, I took my time scoping out the place before really looking at any of the books. The library had been my favorite room back at Eastside, and if I spent as much time here as I did there, I wanted to be keenly aware of the layout of the place. It was divided into three floors, with mirrored lightwells in each of the front corners. Front of the Library, that is, which would be toward the back of the school, I guess. Anyhow, the lightwells and the mirrors lit the place up pretty well, enough that I didn''t think I''d have problems reading at any of the study carrels set near them. A quick perusal showed the rest of that floor filled with bookshelves, themselves roughly three quarters full of books. A few hooded, robed figures moved around the room pushing little carts full of books, obviously re-shelving as they went. I ignored them, they ignored me, we got along fine.


    The second floor was wall to wall, floor to ceiling bookshelves. More of the flameless camp lights at the end of each aisle lit it up well enough I could read whatever was printed on the edges of the books. My first really unpleasant discovery in the Library was that only about a third of the books actually had anything written on the spines. Pulling a few of the unmarked ones showed that maybe half of the remainder had a title on the cover, and all the rest had nothing on the covers or spines; to tell what they were I''d actually have to open them up and start reading them. What with all of them being heavy old tomes that seemed under-described by the word ''hardback'', I decided to eschew that until I''d finished my walkthrough.


    The barred, padlocked gate at the top of the steps was a suggestion that I might not be welcome up there, but it wasn''t enough of a suggestion to stop me. A bit of work with my new knife and the padlock popped open; I hung it on the door while I explored. The far stairwell had a near-identical lock, and a long desk-slash-workstation took up the space between the stairwells. Books in various stages of repair clamped to bookbinding equipment, filled the space behind the counter. A quick scout around showed that flat none of the books on this floor had writing on the cover or spine, although quite a few had more than their fair share of decorative scrollwork or similar art. There were also far fewer books, as well; even though only the central half of the room held shelves, the books were racked two or three to a shelf, usually secured to the shelves themselves somehow. The few books secured with padlocks showed me that the padlocks they''d chosen for the books weren''t any better than the ones on the gates, but I didn''t even open any of the covers. The faint growls and glows from the books clued me into the fact that they might not have been padlocked to prevent thievery, so I locked the one I''d jimmied free back up and continued my exploration.


    The back quarter of the third library floor had only one entrance, a door all the way at one end of the room, labelled ''Head Librarian McGowan''. It was locked, and I didn''t see a keyhole, nor could I see anything between the door and the jamb, so I left that room alone and headed back downstairs. On my way I locked the doorway; it wouldn''t do to have just anyone wandering around with carnivorous books, after all.


    I spent about half an hour wandering through the Library, avoiding whoever or whatever was re-shelving the books, just reading titles and flipping open untitled books to get an idea what lay inside. A few things stood out. First, the books on the second floor looked to be textbooks, with multiple copies of each on each shelf. Second, even the textbooks were mostly hand copied; I saw a few that looked like they might have been printed on a press, but they were way less common; the only two of those where I saw what might be an abbreviated ''class set'' were ''Law and Custom of Heroic, Phileo City Edition'' and ''Historie of Phileo City''. Both of those looked kinda... basic. At least one illustration per page, fairly big font size, the kind of thing you expect in a grade school primer. I still nabbed a copy of both before I went back to the first floor. The books there were a lot more varied, but even after scouring the shelves I didn''t see anything like what you''d expect from a ''fiction'' section.


    Okay, ''Principles of Heroic Magick'' didn''t really count, given the circumstances. I scooped it up anyhow. I also snagged ''People''s of Midgard'' and ''A Student''s First Written Word Primar''.


    If whoever wrote these got published with that kind of spelling, I swore I was gonna get my own book in here at some point. Like, one I''d written, not one about me. Not like anybody''d read that anyhow.


    So I didn''t see any kind of sign out sheet at the front desk, nor was anyone manning it, so I just left with my books and headed back to my room; it was almost dinnertime, and Marie hadn''t disappointed me yet as regards to food. Silverware, yes, but food, no.


    Tonight I thought I''d get a look at some books until I got sleepy, then I''d tackle the Practice Yard tomorrow.

 Day Seven

    Dear Diary,


    On the seventh day, just to prove I''m as not-God as it is possible to be not-God, I worked my ass off.


    Okay, not really. I did exercise some in the Practice Yard though.


    After I finished breakfast, I sidled out of my room, listening for any other students who might have returned. I thought I heard some movement from the room next to mine, but the door was shut, so I meandered down to the main building, then up to the Practice Yard. I checked out the storage sheds in the corners. One held a bunch of scarecrows, although I guessed they might be practice targets. Another was full of assorted padded weapons. A bunch of pugil sticks, rack upon rack of near identical wooden swords, and a single rack in the back with what even I could tell were the shittiest excuses for metal swords I''d ever seen. The third shed held medieval gymnastics horses and kiddie pools, of all things. The final shed had rope, nets, a bunch of lumber, a few boxes of nails, and some hammers.


    I found the thinnest rope I could and used my handy new knife to cut a six foot section. I took it out in the yard and started doing some jump rope. I always enjoyed playing around with ropes like this, although I remembered pretty quickly that without handles, I needed to tie knots at the end of the rope to keep it in my hands when my grip loosened to let it turn. I went through Mary Mack, at least as much as I could remember, then shifted to Baby Bumblebee. After that I went through whatever bits I could remember, even a few of the jody calls from ROTC worked their way in. Finally, I just made stuff up as I jumped. At some point well past noon I realized I wasn''t even winded. My new body might be six kinds of disturbing, but it had endurance. I coiled my jump rope up, looped it over my shoulder, and started sprinting around the perimeter of the Yard as fast as I could. The first thing I noticed was that I could run fast. Like, track team fast. NFL running back fast. Maybe even Olympic sprinter fast, but I wasn''t sure about that. What I did know was that when I came to each corner, it just felt natural to jump and bounce my feet off the corner to launch myself along the next side of the Yard.


    I had no stopwatch, but I timed myself as best I could via the old ''one Mississippi, two Mississippi'' method. After about two solid minutes of that, my breathing hitched a little. Not a ''about to vomit my guts up'', ''full on collapse'' hitch, but more of a ''I need a breather'' hitch. At that point I realized that whatever training I needed, cardio wasn''t high on the list. I mean, I was going to keep up at least some jump rope every day, if only to make sure I didn''t turn my new body into a potato like my old one. The running maybe not so much.


    The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.


    I headed back to my room. I''d barely cracked ''People''s of Midgard'' last night before I got sleepy enough to conk out, wooden plank mattress or not. Today I decided to check out ''Principles of Heroic Magick''.


    It wasn''t a dry read, by any means, but it was absolutely the least organized textbook it had ever been my misfortune to read. After slogging through a ''historic example'' of some guy named ''Lug'' making himself stronger, faster, and tougher through the use of ''Heroic Magick Skills'', I still had no idea what a ''Heroic Magick Skill'' was. At the end it gave names to the Skills Lug used, as well as potential ways to train in order to learn those skills. Just in case you''re interested, his skills were ''Strong Arm'', ''Swift Foot'', and ''Thick Skin'', because Lug apparently had the imagination of a particularly dim eggplant. Pushing on despite myself, I read the next chapter. Like a particularly annoying recipe website, the book insisted on story time fluff before each and every bit of actual knowledge it imparted. The second story was about some guy named Brad, and apparently he had some musical ''Skills'', namely ''Lullaby'', ''Marathon'', and ''Jig of Death''. I gave that last one an appropriate amount of side eye, then slammed the book closed when the second section ended without ever actually saying what a Skill was.


    I tried again with ''Historie of Phileo City'' and had a bit more luck. It started with the initial settlers of the area, who seemed to be a bunch of Dan and ''half-Dan'' from Iceland or maybe Greenland, who brought along a bunch of Bag servants from Greece of all places, plus a ''Grand Militia'' of what sounded like Celts, with maybe a few Welsh mixed in. The land hadn''t been built up when they arrived, so they built themselves a tidy little fort on a tall hill overlooking the river, then expanded outward. There were some nomadic people living nearby when the city was founded, but according to the book the Mor, ancient enemies of the Dan, attacked the locals shortly after the city was founded, and they either died out or moved into the city.


    Note to self - while the Dan sound more and more like exploiting colonizers by the day, the Mor are real dickheads, if they''re gonna attack somebody who just happens to live in the neighborhood their enemy just moved to.


    I tried to read further, but my eyes got heavier and heavier until I fell asleep right there at my desk.

 Day Eight

    Dear Diary,


    Mondays suck, even in weird alternate realities.


    Okay, that''s not entirely fair. Mondays might not suck here for everybody, but I apparently made mine suck, because I am a moron.


    ''But Tabitha,'' you''re asking, ''how did you make your Monday suck? You''re brilliant and witty and smell nice, and you''d never do anything stupid without realizing it.''


    Okay, you''re not asking anything, because you''re a diary.


    Anyhow, I meant to wake up early and get breakfast today. Unfortunately ''get up early'' and ''Tabitha Diaz'' aren''t things normally associated with one another, and today was no exception. I woke up, as I had for the past five days, to the melodious sound of Marie knocking on my door. I stood up from my desk, wiped away the sleep-drool, and went to the door. I turned the doorknob and pulled, but the door stuck until Marie pushed it open. I wasn''t completely surprised by the door sticking; it''s a huge wooden monstrosity, stained black until you could barely see the grain, and the door jambs, lintel, and sill are all stone. I''m not an A student in science or anything, but back in Camden I grew up intimately familiar with how different materials expanded at different rates to cause doors to get stuck. If anything, I suppose I was mostly surprised the door hadn''t jammed previously.


    So once the door was open, Marie wheeled her little cart into the room, then turned to leave. That surprised me, since for the past five days she''d just handed me a covered tray and come back in an hour to pick it up.


    "What''s with leaving the cart here?" I asked before she got completely out the door.


    She half turned to face me, giving me a bit of squick as her spine twisted and her hips remained motionless. "Devotions," she replied in her monosyllabic way, then shocked me more than anything she''d done previously and winked at me before walking out the door, closing it behind her, leaving her cart in my room. I tried to open the door, hoping to get more of an explanation than that, but apparently I''m not as strong as a seven foot creepy albino, because it stuck fast.


    For a moment I stood there, less than pleased at being stuck in my room, but before I could make up my mind about whether to bang on the door or start hollering, the smell of breakfast hit me.


    Now, I''m not going to complain about the previous days'' breakfasts. Nobody from Camden is going to complain about a free breakfast. Okay, that''s a lie, they''ll complain, but they''ll eat it, because free food is free. The breakfasts at PCHA were a little bland and boring, consisting of water, bread, oatmeal, and the protein-of-the-morning, but the bread was still warm from the oven, the oatmeal was warm and thick enough to avoid being gruel while thin enough to avoid being cement. The protein varied according to the day; Wednesday''s boiled eggs were still runny, Thursday''s slice of ham would have been better with less sugar and more spice, Friday''s bacon was perfect for plain bacon, and Saturday''s beef resembled shoe leather. Sunday''s meat I didn''t recognize, but while it was probably the best preparation, rivaling the oatmeal and bread in that regard, the meat itself was a little greasy and gamey.


    Today''s breakfast tray was bigger than previous days; they''d each been the size of a decent sized plate, convenient since the tray itself doubled as the plate. Today the covered tray took up the entire top of Marie''s little cart, and when I say ''little cart'', I''m saying it''s a comically little cart to be pushed by a seven foot tall Marie. It came up to my waist and was about three foot long by two foot wide. So I had a breakfast tray that took up most of my desk, and when I picked it up, I immediately realized she hadn''t just given me a big tray because they ran out of small ones. I shoved ''Historie of Phileo City'' to the side, plonked it down on the desk, lifted away the domed cover, and my room immediately filled with the aromas of deliciousness.


    The ubiquitous loaf of bread had a twin partner, and the oatmeal had two interwoven pools in the middle which a quick taste revealed to be melted butter and honey. I set to work on that immediately, and did not regret my choice in the slightest; whoever made the oatmeal remained fully on point, and the butter and honey added flavor I hadn''t realized I''d been missing. While I scarfed down the oatmeal with a wooden spoon, I surveyed the rest of my breakfast haul.


    Oh, that''s something I hadn''t mentioned before. Apparently PCHA isn''t big on utensils. The selection started and ended with wooden spoons. Now, I''m not talking about the long handled mostly flat things you''d use to stir chili on the stove; these were carved into a fairly nice spoon shape, deep enough to scoop up a good mouthful of soup or oatmeal, but thin enough to actually fit in my mouth without showing off my impressive oral distension skills. The handles fit the d¨¦cor of my room; thick enough to be toddler utensil handles. They oiled the thing well, too, which implied a level of care most people didn''t put into their wooden kitchen cooking utensils, even back in Camden, where you could pick up a new one at the dollar store.


    So, excellent wooden spoon aside, I mostly had to eat with my hands. So far I hadn''t burned my fingers, but I''d gotten pretty good at sucking every bit of juice off my fingers. Grease stains are a pain in the ass to get out of linen, and I didn''t want to give Marie any more trouble than I had.


    So, back to Monday breakfast. Three boiled eggs, three links of sausage, three strips of bacon, one piece of shoe-leather beef, one piece of greasy mystery meat, one slice of ham, and two slices of scrapple. Quick note; if you don''t know what scrapple is, you''re not from Philly or the surrounding area. Scrapple is made mostly from pig. Once you take away the ham and the bacon, and you cut away everything that might be sausage, you take whatever''s left and run it through a mincer. Sounds like an abomination, and it probably is, but when it''s made right it is absolutely the food of the gods. So long as you can avoid thinking about what you''re eating, it''s great.


    I ate my way through my breakfast lottery win like a machine; as I worked my way through the good meats I figured I''d be too full to take more than a token bite out of the beef and mystery meat. When I got around to them, my belly didn''t feel anything like full, so I tried a little experiment, taking a half-bite out of the mystery meat and a half-bite out of the beef. Amazingly, the beef soaked up all the extra grease from the mystery meat, improving the latter enormously, but still leaving the beef a little dry. I finished the mystery meat with small bites of beef, then used the beef like a sponge to soak up all the grease that had leaked out of the bacon, sausage, scrapple, and ham. Still a little dry, but way better than Saturday''s beef.


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    I leaned back, amazed that I didn''t feel bloated from this morning''s breakfast, and noticed some different smells coming from Marie''s cart. It looked to have a lower shelf covered by a pair of doors on the side. I leaned over from my chair and opened those, revealing two more trays and releasing a wave of warmth. A quick check showed one held a whole cooked chicken similar to what I''d devoured on my first day here; a lunchtime favorite here at PCHA, apparently. The other took me a second to identify by sight, but after a second I placed it; pork chops, although they''d been cooked to brown on the outside.


    While I hadn''t satiated myself yet, I wasn''t exactly hungry, and the fact that Marie had dropped off lunch and dinner set off inner alarm bells. I closed the cart''s doors and pushed it over next to my armoire. I considered changing into a clean uniform, but figured I might be getting sweaty with what I intended, so I left yesterday''s stuff on. I grabbed the door handle and pulled. Complete lack of motion. I twisted the handle back and forth, and it rotated freely; I even heard the bolt sliding out of the jamb. I set one foot on the wall beside the door and pulled as hard as I could; if I couldn''t pull the door open I might at least yank the doorknob off. No such luck; I pulled until my shoulders ached a bit, and the door just stood there unmoved, mocking me with its indestructible solidity.


    I was a prisoner in my room, apparently. After a second, while I stood there working my shoulders until they stopped cramping up, I remembered what Marie said. ''Devotions''. Apparently, while I had the day off, PCHA expected me to waste the whole day praying or some shit. My inner alarm bells ratcheted up a notch; this seemed a little ominous for a kid from a town where ''fundie'' and ''racist asshole'' were often synonymous. Sure, I had food for the day, thanks to Marie, but I remembered that wink and realized that the powers-that-be might expect me to spend the day fasting as well as praying. My new body didn''t have the comfortable padding of my old one, which meant I wasn''t about to start experimenting with how long I could go without food. So thanks to Marie I had food. Thanks to my visit to the library, I had something to read. This didn''t seem all that bad, until I remembered that food normally had consequences.


    Have you ever done something so ubiquitously that you didn''t really think about doing it, you just kind of did it, and then you stopped doing it, and you didn''t realize you''d stopped until something actively reminded you? Yeah, let me tell you, when the thing in question is a major bodily function, that kind of shit will blow your mind like nothing else.


    I hadn''t taken a crap or piss since I arrived here.


    After a few minutes of panicked poking at my belly, I''d confirmed that nothing had distended, nothing hurt or felt like a blockage. Somehow, despite eating three big meals a day plus the monster breakfast I''d just downed, I wasn''t a giant shit-balloon waiting to pop. I spent a little bit of time sitting on my bed, knees drawn up with my arms around them, head down, doing my best not to go completely catatonic.


    After a little bit the cool stone against my back got uncomfortable, which gently pulled me back to reality. My muscles ached when I pushed them. My butt hurt when I sat too still on my uncomfy chair. My body''s check engine lights seemed to be working. If I needed to drop a load, my body would let me know.


    "God damned fucking weird world. God damned fucking weird body. This shit..." I stopped mid-sentence for two reasons. First, my inner alarm bells, which had gone completely offline while I debated my need to find PCHA''s psych ward, came back online and ratcheted up a notch. Second, I realized that while my body was definitely freaking me out, I wasn''t the kind of freak who got off on pissing and pooping. If my body didn''t need to do those things, that freed up a lot of time. Not only that, but it meant I could get a lot more free time from class by asking to use the facilities, since I wouldn''t ever actually have to, y''know, use them.


    Sighing, I resigned myself to a day reading instead of carefully scoping out the social scene like I''d planned. This time I tried ''Law and Custom of Heroic, Phileo City Edition''. This one made the others look positively well organized and written. I plowed through, and over the course of the day managed to pluck several bits of maybe-pertinent information from all the bullshit.


    Pertinent to my current predicament, every person in Phileo City was guaranteed complete religious freedom, although after rereading that section a few times I got the impression that just like back home, the folks writing this book seemed completely oblivious to the idea that ''religious freedom'' might include atheism. I mean, hell, there was a section on interactions between religions that included rules and regulations for ''resolution of religious disputes via martial contest'', and another spelling out in great detail the required confirmation and documentation for ''consenting to the role of gift to one or more Gods''. Rules for a holy war? Sure. Bureaucratic requirements for goddamned human sacrifice? Right there, of course. Acknowledgement of atheists? No idea what you''re talking about, what does that word even mean?


    I almost threw the book across the room, but stopped myself when I had my arm cocked back to throw. The spine of the book creaked a little, and I realized I was about to demolish a poor innocent book just because it had been filled with insanity by some goddamned fundie assholes. It didn''t deserve that.


    I took a deep breath, let it out slowly, gently lowered the book back to my desk, and kept reading.


    While reading through the convoluted grammar and weird stylistic choices made my soul ache, two other ''laws and customs'' stood out.


    First, Phileo City Law explicitly stated that no person in the city was to be in any way prejudiced against due to their race or origin. It even went to great lengths to spell out what defined a ''person'', although that left me wanting to throw something again. If a being could communicate with others via any known language or translation device, identified itself as an individual with agency separate from any other individuals, and had a Soul and thus a connection to the Gods, it would be considered a person and not a ''beast of the field or wild''. It even had a subsection talking about group minds and ''mindless minions''; the former were considered a single person, and the latter weren''t considered people but were assumed to be under the control of a person for legal purposes.


    More anti-atheist malarkey; my inner alarms ratcheted up another notch.


    The one last thing that I pulled from the book wasn''t bad, per se, but managed to plant some butterflies in my stomach, maybe even a few a little lower. Regarding lawmaking and enforcement, the laws in Phileo City were made and enforced by a democratic council. That council included the Mayor, who was elected by ''all the people in the City'', although his term in office seemed a little iffy. Each ''religion of each God, with independent practitioners taken to be a single religion'' had one seat on the council. Each ''guild previously recognized by the council'' had a single seat. The commander of the City''s defenses had a seat, and apparently had two extra seats ''during declared wars''. The Headmaster of Phileo City Heroic Academy had a seat, which surprised me a little. Jurisdiction seemed to be based on what council member had a vested interest in the situation, although the Mayor was pretty much a given for any situation, since, y''know, he''s the Mayor of the whole city. All of that seemed pretty sensible and straightforward, although just like back home, rich people and religious nuts both had way more power than I''d like.


    Each and every Hero, whether trained at PCHA or elsewhere, held a seat on the council, with jurisdiction on any and all cases that might involve or interest them.


    I''d never actually gotten giddy at the thought of graduating before.

 Day Nine

    Dear Diary,


    Okay, after trying for a while last night I''d realized that those butterflies weren''t going away any time soon and they were making it impossible to concentrate enough to decode the torturous logic of not just a legal textbook, but a legal textbook from another world, I shut off the light, stripped down, and lay down to sleep. I''m not sure how long I lay there trying to drift off, but as I contemplated self-service as my only available soporific, a quiet click from the direction of my door interrupted my musings completely. I slipped out of bed, crept to the door, turned the knob, and pulled. The door opened. Slowly, as it was still a huge fuckin'' slab of wood. I let it open just far enough to peek my head out. A couple girls who looked to maybe be my age trudged down the hallway; I figured they must be on the way home from some late night class, because nobody looked that beat making the walk of shame.


    I pulled back and closed the door, then reopened and closed it twice more just to be sure it wouldn''t lock me in again. Satisfied I wouldn''t wind up trapped again, I walked back to bed, reveling in my newfound ability to see enough to navigate in the pitch blackness of my room. I lay down and tried to get some sleep; I wanted to be well rested for my first day of classes. I was so excited it took two full doses of soporific to get to sleep.


    Marie''s knock on the door snapped me out of pleasant dreams of world domination. I slipped on enough clothes to cover my private bits and skipped over to the door. I mean, as much as one can skip in a tiny room half filled with Marie''s cart. I opened the door to see Marie standing there cartless.


    "Is the Dining Hall still serving breakfast?" She looked like it caused her physical pain to use more than one word at a time, so I''d begun adjusting my dialogue options with Marie to allow for simple one word answers.


    "Yes."


    "Great!" I pulled Marie''s cart to the door, and she took it with a look of gratitude. I had no idea why, since she''d done me a huge favor by delivering it, but I wasn''t about to ask her for an explanation.


    Or had she? Was a cart full of food normal for people on their ''Devotion'' day? I had no idea, but I figured she didn''t have to go overboard with breakfast in any case, and while I hadn''t felt bloated, I still felt not-hungry for the first time in recent memory, life in Camden included.


    I turned to get dressed as Marie maneuvered her cart around to head back to wherever Marie went when she wasn''t bringing me food when one of those Very Important Questions popped into my head.


    "Marie?"


    She stopped and turned to me, waiting expectantly.


    "Thanks for the food yesterday. Also, is there a bathroom somewhere in the building?"


    The thanks brought her normal weird emotional roller coaster, followed by a muttered "De nada", but my question prompted nothing but a confused look.


    "Uh... lavatory? Washroom? Water closet? Someplace to get cleaned up and crap or piss?"


    At that last, she blinked, and I stifled a giggle at how much she looked like a light bulb had gone off in her head. She pointed to the bed, or rather to the space beneath it. "Pot." She paused a moment, I guess to make sure I saw where she was pointing, before forcing out two whole words. "Bath tonight?"


    I forced my face into a smile and replied, "thanks, Marie, a bath tonight would be great."


    She nodded and rolled her cart off down the hall, headed for Marie-land. I closed my door, cranked up my light, and got down on my hands and knees to look under the bed. That led me to discover that my wireframe vision worked in spaces too dark to see in even when my regular vision still took care of the rest of my field of view. Under the bed was, indeed, a simple ceramic pot roughly the size of my head. My lack of need to crap or piss moved from ''mystery I must solve'' to ''gift from the goddamned gods'' in that instant. I pulled out the pot, because I saw something else under the bed. Weirdly shaped, all angles and lines. I pulled it out too, only to find it nearly as mysterious in the light of my lamp. A bunch of thin boards with two flat panels, all connected with hinges. It looked a little like a collapsed easel. When I went to lift it up, it unfolded into... something. A rickety stand with a pair of reasonably level shelves. I shrugged, set the chamber pot on one of them, and slid it next to my armoire.


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    For no apparent reason, my personal alarm bells jangled a little, but I was in too much of a rush to care. I stripped out of my dirty clothes, gave my pits a quick sniff...


    Pumpkin spice? My unwashed pits smelled like pumpkin spice? What was I, the Incarnation of the Basic Bitch?


    No time for that now. I didn''t reek, so I pulled on a clean set of clothes, left my room, careful to shut the door behind me in case anybody else decided to snoop like I had done, dropped yesterday''s dirty clothes into the laundry chute, and ran to the Dining Hall. When I got there, all of the tables were set out, most of them fully occupied by groups of students. Maids pushed serving carts around, delivering fresh food to the tables, although from the look of things the tables and carts were both running low.


    A quick scan of the room revealed that the full tables were occupied by kids with uniforms that screamed ''custom tailored''. Most of those tables were either all guys or all girls, but I saw at least one with a mix, although everyone there had golden blonde hair with the kind of luster and shine that required special chemicals and professional application. I had a good guess at which table was the Dan table, at least. Two tables clearly had room left, although the first one I''d have to shove in. That one was full of kids who looked like they barely knew how to wear clothing, let alone a uniform. The other had just three students. Two girls, one guy, at least I presumed that from hairstyles; one of the ''girls'' had the kind of build that made you think if Truck-kun hit them, Truck-kun would get isekaied. All of them had their uniforms on right, and instead of the kind of mass grabbing and gobbling that went on at what I mentally dubbed ''the gobbo table'', these three ate with the kind of mechanical efficiency that came from too few good clothes and too many times going hungry.


    I plonked myself down across from the girls, next to the guy, and nabbed myself a loaf of bread and a pitcher of water. The stares they gave me weren''t cold, exactly, but the guarded stares I had given to strangers myself back in Camden.


    "Good morning. I''m Tabitha Diaz. Is this your first day too?" Having introduced myself, I proceeded to tear into the bread. It had gone cold already, but it still had some flavor, and the texture was, if anything, better than the warm ones I''d eaten.


    Truck-kun Slayer smiled a lopsided smile and gave me a nod while she finished chewing her last bite. After swallowing, she nodded to me and said, "Angel Mac Conno. Good to meet you. Are you one of the registrar''s pet projects too?"


    Dammit. No help on whether she was an absolute tank of a guy with a high pitched voice or a chick with a massive rack and the torso to avoid the comorbid back problems. I swallowed my current mouthful, washed it down with a solid gulp straight from the pitcher, and replied, "I think so? I never met her, what with all the shit that went down at the aquarium."


    Angel nodded, but she''d already filled her mouth with another big bite of food. I took the hint and polished off the last of the loaf and started gulping down sausages as fast as I could. While I did, the smaller girl introduced herself. She wasn''t just ''smaller than Angel'', by the way, but legit had to be no more than four eleven, and if she weighed a hundred pounds wearing the ten pounds of uniform, I''d eat my own boots. "Hey. I''m Saffron Aetos. I got to meet her, gave her my name, and next thing I know I woke up in the Infirmary." She smiled and nodded at Angel. "If she hadn''t been there, I wouldn''t have woken up at all."


    Okay, that gave me a gender for Angel, at least. I finished off the last of the cold sausages and switched over to the eggs, the only thing remaining on the table. The first one I cracked glopped all over the table, as undercooked as every other egg I''d gotten. I realized immediately why the others hadn''t eaten any; no way to do so without screwing up the uniform. I decided to give my oubliette of a digestive system a challenge and just started popping them in my mouth, shell and all, giving them only a few more cursory chews than I had the sausages.


    While Angel and Saffron looked on in mixed horror and admiration, mind you not slowing their own consumption in the slightest, the guy beside me spoke up in a higher pitched voice than either of the girls; worse yet he had a lisp, and I couldn''t tell if it was real or an affectation. "Bill Driver. I..."


    I didn''t get to hear what Bill was about to say. Someone at the head table stood up, and in a parade ground shout that had my ears ringing despite the size of the room and the distance between us, shouted, "Any Cadet candidates who do not yet have a class schedule, out to the Practice Yard on the double!"


    He paused, eyes scanning across the room. "That means NOW! Move! Move! Move! Move!"


    None of the kids at my table heard much of that last outburst, really. Long before he''d finished his first sentence, we were on our feet and moving, and the moment he said ''on the double'', we all broke into a sprint. I wasn''t sure exactly what clique I''d attached myself to, but it seemed to be a good fit for me. I hoped so anyhow, because that Drill Sergeant didn''t sound happy.

 Day Ten

    Dear Diary,


    Ow.


    I have a sneaking suspicion which teacher had those two girls dragging themselves in after my door unlocked.


    So the four of us made it to the Practice Yard well before any of the others; even before the big guy whose voice still echoed through the halls. I eyeballed which line of slabs was the center of the yard, lined my feet up on one edge, and slipped into parade rest as best I could remember from my ROTC training two years prior. The other three saw me do that, and out of the corner of my eye I saw them imitate me with varying degrees of success. I risked turning my head to check, since I still heard the big guy''s voice coming from the entrances into the Practice Yard. I guess it said something that his voice came from more than one of them at a time. At any rate, I checked out the others. Angel had parade rest down. Saffron had her knees locked and Bill...


    I hadn''t gotten a really good look at Bill downstairs, I guess. ''Butterball'' covered it pretty well. Still, he was trying. "Saffron, don''t lock your knees. Bill, don''t slouch. All three of you, toe the line."


    I snapped my head back to the front just in time, as the big guy came through the entrance to our front left. Just after he did, the rumble of a small herd of students announced the arrival of the rest of the unassigned students behind us.


    "Good Morning, my little wannabes!" His voice thundered through the space, and by the time the echoes stopped the tromping behind us had died down. "I am Marshall duBois. For my sins, I am in charge of both Physical Training, General Combat Training, and Specialized Physical Combat Training here at Phileo City Heroic Academy. I am also Phileo City''s Marshall," I kept the surprise from my face, but it was hard. Marshall meant he was commander of the city''s defense forces, and had a seat on the council. I wondered how that interacted with his teaching when the city had a ''declared war'' on its hands. I blinked to clear my head, because he''d kept talking. "Since none of you have a schedule of classes as of yet, none of you have officially been accepted into Phileo City Heroic Academy. Since I didn''t test you lot yesterday, I know you''re all carpet munchers and simps. That doesn''t mean a fucking thing to me, but if you fail to meet the minimum standards I''m looking for, not only will you have to crawl back to wherever you come from, but your patron Goddess will take it as a personal insult. Today I will be testing your physical aptitude, focusing on your Strength, your Endurance, and your Agility. Just to be clear, I will not be testing you to a limit set by the entrance requirements, but testing you to failure, because acceptance is based on an aggregate of your scores. Do you wannabes understand?"


    Before the echoes of his voice fully dispersed, I shouted back, "Yes, Marshall!"


    That''s about when Saffron face-planted onto the stone paving in front of us.


    The Marshall almost beat me to her. I had another reason to be thankful for my new body''s lack of excretion, because someone that big moving that fast toward me made me want to piss myself. I ignored both the Marshall and the gawking batch of students, rolled Saffron over onto her back, and slapped at her face to wake her up. My hand got thoroughly coated in her blood from her split lip and bloody nose, but after the second more-or-less gentle slap, her eyes popped open and she scrambled to her feet. When she clung to me to get upright, I whispered, "I said don''t lock your knees, idiot!" in her ear, then jumped back to my spot in the line, shoving one of the gawkers from behind us out of my spot to do so. Angel and Bill were already back in place, and Saffron made it back to parade rest in impressive time for someone who had passed out not sixty seconds before.


    "Not good, wannabe. If you haven''t got the Endurance to listen to my opening speech without fainting, you better be the Strongest, most Agile bitch ever to grace the halls of this Heroic Academy!"


    I couldn''t leave it like that. If I hadn''t given in to my ROTC training, she wouldn''t have been trying to maintain that position, and wouldn''t have fallen over. Yeah, I told her not to lock her knees, but according to my old Drill Sergeant, at least one Cadet did that every year.


    "Marshall! It isn''t Saffron''s fault she fell over, it''s mine!"


    My field of view now contained nothing but the top of Marshall duBois'' chest and his jawline; I swear his voice blew my hair back like a gale. "Are you telling me you drained her Endurance out like some kind of vampire, Diaz?"


    Oh, shit. He knew my name. "No, Marshall! I failed to emphasize that locking her knees while in Parade Rest could cause her to pass out!"


    His next words weren''t a parade ground shout, but a growl that I felt in my bowels. "You taking responsibility for her falling?"


    "Yes, Marshall!"


    I barely caught his nod, and he followed it with another shout, "Diaz! Ten laps, at a sprint! Now!" I jumped into a run before he finished the word ''laps'', headed for the nearest wall. I made a right at the wall and broke into my best ground eating run, only to hear him shout, "I said sprint, Diaz!"


    I sprinted. By the fifth lap, my lungs burned. By the eighth, my thighs ached. The whole time, the Marshall shouted something at the rest, but my ears were full of the pounding of my pulse and my own panting. At the end of the tenth lap, I slowed to a jogging run and did one more lap, after which I jogged back to my spot in the line. The Marshall stared at me as I did, then gave me a miniscule nod as I slipped back into a passable parade rest.


    "Most Academies test Strength and Agility on separate days from Endurance to be fair to their Cadets. This fine Heroic Academy has done so on occasion in the past. I do not. Can any of you wannabes tell me why?" He paused, his eyes raking across the lot of us.


    I glanced to the side, meeting the eyes of the other three, who looked back to me with grins as wry as my own. Our hands shot up almost in sync, and the Marshall raised one eyebrow.


    "What is it, wannabes?"


    The four of us managed a passable shouted chorus of, "The world isn''t fucking fair, Marshall!"


    Marshall duBois threw his head back and laughed, the sound as loud as anything he''d said today. "Got it in one, Ca... wannabes. Worse, it''s the job of Heroes to dive in where the world is least fair AND MAKE IT FAIR!" His last four words literally shook the ground beneath our feet. Not a lot, but enough to make me glad parade rest lowered my center of gravity just a little and made it easy to keep standing upright.


    Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    "Okay now, as I call for your names, you do what you saw Diaz do, except you do not stop until I tell you to. Do you understand?"


    "Yes, Marshall!" we all shouted, even the gaggle behind the four of us.


    "Aetos!" To her credit, Saffron didn''t hesitate. She bolted for the wall and ran. I winced as she stumbled at the end of her first lap, but the Marshall didn''t stop her. By the end of her third, she wasn''t sprinting by any measure, but he didn''t call her on it. Right around then, he had some of the gaggle head to one of the sheds for some equipment. By the time she jogged through her fifth lap, the rest of us had set up a simple obstacle course and a few weight stations; bench press, squat, and a weird primitive leg press sled.


    I lost track of Saffron when the Marshall called me over to the bench press and had me start lifting. Five reps, add weight, rinse and repeat. The Marshall started me at a hundred pounds, which I surprised myself by lifting, and added twenty five pounds each time I managed five reps. At two hundred, I managed two struggling reps before my arms noodled and the weight dropped toward my chest. The Marshall caught it with inches to spare, one handing it back in place before having me start doing squats. I failed at two twenty five there, and he caught me before my head hit the ground.


    While I lifted my fourth set on the leg sled, stunning myself by pushing four hundred pounds with relative ease, everyone in the yard heard Saffron tumble to the ground. The Marshall moved across the Yard fast enough that I couldn''t really track him, lifting Saffron by the scruff of her neck and filling the yard with his voice once more. "Aetos, twelve laps. Well run. Do some stretches and move over to the weight stations."


    Then he was back, adding another set of weights to my sled. I managed to get up to seven hundred before I failed, and like before he caught the weight before it slid down and shoved my knees through my shoulders. "Good work, Diaz. Now get those wobbly legs on over to the obstacle course; you won''t be judged on speed, but touch a light and you''re out." While I tried to catch my breath enough to ask him what lights, he muttered something, waved a hand toward the course; some part of every obstacle glowed, not to mention two two meter strips of light on either side of the course.


    As I headed for the course, he shouted, "Driver, laps, at a sprint!" he paused, then shouted again, "If that''s your best sprint, you are a sorry excuse for a wannabe, let alone a cadet! Don''t make me set the hounds on you, wannabe! Mac Conno! Bench Press!"


    I''d never really had a chance to recover from the sprint, and I''d just finished pushing most of my core to failure, so I wobbled a lot on the obstacle course, I totally cheated on the hurdles, crouching and passing under them instead of leaping over them, but I guess the Marshall was too busy spotting for Angel. I leapt onto the climbing net, avoiding the meter wide stripe of light at its base. Climbing up and over wasn''t fun, but the strip of light at the base of the net on the far side had me a little stumped. Eventually I just rocked back and forth about ten feet up and pushed off, curling into a ball and rolling as I landed. That hurt like a bitch, and I think I heard something crack when my arm hit the ground, but I made it back to my feet and kept moving. With the Marshall distracted by spotting Angel, I just crawled across the logs rather than risk losing my balance. Everything else was more or less easy if I wasn''t trying to race, which I wasn''t. I managed two laps through before I failed to get enough distance coming down the net and tagged the light at the bottom.


    An ear splitting siren sounded for about half a second, and all the lights went out.


    "Not bad, Diaz. Mac Conno, obstacle course! Aetos! Bench press!"


    The day continued in that vein; while he had the group my brain had already labeled ''the ROTC crew'' go through everything first, he worked his way through everyone eventually. While I rested, standing at ease while I did so, I got a look at the rest of our group; fewer than I initially thought from the thunder of boots behind us. Twelve kids, at a guess ranging from around early teens to one guy in his early twenties. A few of the guys outdid me on the bench press, but that didn''t surprise me. Equality aside, guys tend to have more raw muscle mass in the upper torso.


    By the time the sun stood directly overhead, he''d finished with about two thirds of the testing. "All wannabes who have finished testing, fall out to the Dining Hall for lunch, then you''ve got the afternoon off, report to the Library after breakfast tomorrow."


    When I turned to go, he barked out, "DIAZ!"


    I spun, landing in a parade rest facing him, "Yes, Marshall!"


    I''d never seen someone grin quite so evilly before. "You stay. You haven''t done your Endurance testing yet."


    What else could I say? "Yes, Marshall!"


    Eventually, about halfway through the afternoon, the last applicant finished her laps, collapsing to the ground. "Diaz! You know the drill!"


    Nodding, I lit out for the edge of the Yard, pushing myself to a sprint before he could yell at me to do so. I managed about thirteen laps before I couldn''t keep kicking and dropped into a run. My legs burned, and my lungs ached, but I refused to quit; if everybody else went until they fell over, I could too. Somewhere around two dozen laps I lost count, and I couldn''t keep the sweat out of my eyes well enough to really pay attention to anything other than putting one foot in front of the other and turning before I slammed into a wall. I''m not sure how long I''d run before duBois'' voice filled my world, screaming, "Diaz! Sprint!"


    I amazed myself by breaking back into a full sprint, shaking my head to clear the sweat from my eyes. After my second bouncing turn, I looked around and realized the courtyard was empty except for the Marshall and I. He stood at the center of the Yard, rotating in place to watch me as I sprinted around the edge of the yard. After half a dozen laps I couldn''t keep it up, and almost fell as I staggered into a jogging run. He didn''t say anything, and I kept running, lap after lap after lap. Every now and then he barked me back into a sprint; after the fourth or fifth time I only managed a single lap, but I still managed that much. As the afternoon stretched on into evening, and one end of the Yard fell into shadow broken by those camp lights, he moved to jog alongside me. I felt his gaze rake across me, and he asked, "Diaz, are you using any enhancement Spells?"


    "No, Marshall," I managed to wheeze.


    "Did anyone else use one on you?"


    "Not... to the best... of my knowledge... Marshall," I panted. I wasn''t about to collapse, but I couldn''t stop panting long enough to form a full sentence in one breath.


    He grunted and jogged back to the center of the courtyard. I kept running.


    When the sky went dark, the oranges of sundown giving way to stars from one edge of the sky to another, he called, "Diaz! Front and center, at a sprint!"


    I kicked into one final sprint, barely making it to him and settling into a parade rest before I collapsed. He stood there staring at me for at least a minute, muttering something about moon phases, glancing at the sky once or twice.


    "You ever run a marathon before, Diaz?"


    "No, Marshall," then, because I couldn''t help myself, because I am, after all, an idiot, "ran from the police a couple times, ran from dogs and muggers and once a really freaky rabid squirrel, but never a marathon, sir."


    Despite his professional-military-trainer scowl, that pulled a snort from him. "Congratulations then, wannabe. You managed twenty seven miles today. You missed Dinner, but if you hurry the kitchens might have something left over. Dismissed."


    "Thank you, Marshall," I said, unable to work any kind of shout or enthusiasm into it before turning to stagger back toward my room. I discovered that girls were physically unable to enter the boy''s dormitory when I got turned around and tried to stagger into it by mistake. It wasn''t a hard wall, more like a magnetic field that pushed back more the further I went. Normally I''d be all about figuring that out, but tonight I was just too fuckin'' tired. I was even too tired to hit the kitchens, instead I just trudged back to my room, rejoicing that I remembered what floor I lived on and didn''t overshoot and have to climb back up.


    Marie stood waiting outside my room, an old fashioned metal tub atop her cart.

 Day Eleven

    Dear Diary,


    Last night, shortly after I dragged myself back to my room, Marie arrived with a tub atop her cart. Not a tub of something, but an old school sheet metal tub. She set it on the floor in the center of my room, then closed the door with her still inside. After a quick curious glance at my easel-shelves, she slid open the side of her cart and pulled out the first of four oversized kettles. She stood there expectantly; after a moment I realized she wanted me to strip and get in the tub. I wasn''t sure what to think about that. After a second of consideration, when I realized that while I didn''t think of Marie as a girl, per se, I definitely didn''t think of her as a guy, so I peeled my sweaty clothes off and climbed into the tub. I had to bend my knees to fit all of me in. Once I did, she said, "Lean." and pushed my shoulder forward.


    I followed her instruction, only to have her dump a kettle of near scalding water over my head. Before I finished spluttering, she started scrubbing my hair. A relaxing floral fragrance filled the air, and I gave up and gave in to Marie''s less than tender ministrations. Another kettle of water rinsed my hair, then she massaged my scalp with another dose of soap, moving down to my back after she''d scrubbed my hair to her satisfaction. I think she used a loofa; something rough scraped across my back after she soaped it down. I swear I started purring, and I blessed the shallow water, since it meant I didn''t drown myself when I leaned as far forward as I could, resting my head between my knees as Marie scrubbed the tension in my back and shoulders away.


    After the third dousing, she tugged my hair into one big handful and said, "Back." I followed her instruction, and she wrung most of the water out of my hair. When she reached around to the front of me, I jumped up and as far away as I could without leaving the tub entirely.


    "That''s okay, Marie. I can take care of my front." She frowned a little, handling me a soapy cloth and a flat hunk of rock with a handle on one side. As I ran the soapy cloth over my boobs, my limbs, and all my crevices, getting everything good and soapy, I said, "Thank you for doing my hair and back."


    "de nada," she replied predictably. I scrubbed my arms, hands, legs, and feet with the pumice stone; the crevices got extra cloth scrubbing. I had no intention of exfoliating my nips or my lady bits. I handed the cloth and pumice back to her and stood sideways in the tub, holding my arms out just a little. She replaced the bath tools on her cart and pulled out the final kettle of water. I squeaked a little when the scalding water sluiced across my breasts, a little more when Marie managed to flick a solid splash into each of my pits and my crotch. The kettles went back into her cart, and she pulled a fluffy towel off one of the shelves before racking the final kettle. Marie made a little ''turn around'' motion. She hadn''t clawed me yet, so I turned in place as instructed.


    What followed reminded me of nothing so much as being dried by my mom as a toddler. She started with my hair, worked her way down from there, not giving me much of a chance to object when she wrapped the towel all the way around me to dry off my front. She pulled my foot out of the tub, setting it on the floor when she''d dried that leg, then repeated the process with the other one. She lifted my hair, lay the towel across my shoulders, and nodded toward my chair, "Sit."


    By this point the fatigue of the day had joined forces with the hot water to turn me into a submissive dress up doll for Marie. She lifted the tub, water and all, and placed it atop her cart, then moved behind me. Starting at the bottom, she combed the tangles out of my hair, then proceeded to comb all of it from top to bottom. I''m not sure, because I lost count, and might even have fallen asleep, but if she did the full hundred strokes it wouldn''t surprise me. When she finished I had no more fucks to give about modesty. I thanked her once more, handed her the towel, and collapsed into my bed.


    I fully expected to wake up sore in places I didn''t know I had, but when Marie knocked on my door, I sprang out of bed as quickly as any other day.


    That''s to say, not very quick, but I wasn''t sore at all. I have no idea whether to thank Marie, my new body, or some combination of both. I opened the door and, while she changed my linens, pulled on a clean uniform. I left before she finished, and before I walked down the hall I said, "Thanks, Marie. For the sheets and the bath and... well... everything. Thanks."


    I barely heard her mutter, "de nada," and then I was off, headed for the Dining Hall. I met the rest of the ROTC crew at our table. I''d managed to make it before the final restocking of the table, and proceeded to demolish a solid three trays of food and three loaves of bread. By the second loaf of bread the other three gave me some side eye, but just before the third they started making bets with how much more I''d eat. In the end I didn''t stop because I''d assuaged my hunger or because the food ran out. A bell announced the end of breakfast, with two maids standing at either end of our table pointedly staring at us until we left them to clean up. I ''walked with a sense of purpose'' down to the Library; the other three fell in behind me, Angel matching my steps, Saffron having to skip a bit to keep up, and Bill toddling along like a helium filled caboose.


    When we got there, a nun already had the Sloppy Dozen seated in the carrel chairs. When we arrived, out of instinct I snapped a quick salute, which drew a giggle from the nun herself. "You don''t need to salute me, sweetie." She gestured to the four remaining carrels, all to the left of the entrance. Once we got to our seats, she hopped up to sit on what I thought of the checkout desk just inside the doors. I hadn''t realized how much height her carriage gave her until she had to hop up like that.


    The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    "My name is Sister Cheryl. Some of you I''ve met, others are new to me." She paused, then spoke with a wry smile, "I guess I''m now officially Archivist Saturday as well, at least until Headmaster Miles finds a new Archivist. This is my first time handling the mental half of the admissions testing, so please bear with me. Today you''ll be taking a number of tests designed to evaluate your Reason, your Memory, and your Personality. Do you all have writing utensils?"


    I raised my hand, and when she nodded to me I said, "I don''t, Sister."


    "That''s fine. Everyone else, raise your hands if you need something to write with." Seven other hands shot up, including Angel and Saffron. Bill, of all people, had three colored glass pens that looked a little like fountain pens. He handed one extra to Saffron and the other to Angel; he looked at me and shrugged an apology, to which I shook my head to let him know I wasn''t upset; not only did it seem he''d known the other two longer, I''d grabbed the seat furthest from him, more or less by chance.


    When Sister Cheryl got to me, she murmured, "Have you had any mana training yet, Candidate Diaz?" When I shook my head, she riffled through the pens in her hand and pulled out a metal fountain pen. "Let me know if this runs out of ink during a test. Have you used one before?"


    "Not much."


    "Okay then, I think I''ve got an extra in the desk, I''ll fill that while you''re testing and switch off with you between tests. Now, does everyone have a writing utensil?"


    At our chorus of nods and ''yes'', she nodded and returned to the front desk, pulling a short stack of paper from within. "We''ll start with some simple arithmetic. Finish as many as you can. If you show your work that will be assessed along with your answer, if you do not your aptitude will be assessed entirely based on your answer." After she passed out four pages to each of us, she returned to the front desk and pulled out an hourglass.


    "Is everyone ready?" Before we''d even finished nodding, she said, "begin," and flipped the hourglass.


    I''d worried about this portion of the admissions process; if they asked me anything about history, culture, or geography I''d be shit out of luck. The first page turned out to be nothing but simple math problems; the hardest was multiplying two three digit numbers together. I''d lost my cell phone with my purse, but I still remembered enough from my math classes to do that much by hand. As Sister Cheryl suggested, I wrote everything out. The second page had a few algebra problems, which I remembered how to do, and one question each using Trig and Calc, which I did not. I mean, I hadn''t even taken Calculus, but I remember seeing the curvy symbol on the cover of a Calc textbook. Trig I''d had as part of Geometry, and I didn''t remember anything at all beyond that. I just guessed at answers, writing ''IDK'' in the spot where I''d put my work for the others. Geometry proofs filled the third page. I hadn''t passed the Trig section of Geometry, but I''d squeaked through with a D for the year. I gave each question my best, writing everything out.


    The final page had two word problems. I''d never really gotten how some people considered them alien gibberish, but I also never had much luck solving them. Again, I gave it my best shot, writing down my logic on why I did the calculations I did, then wrote out the math. I set my pen down and held up my hand.


    Sister Cheryl whispered, "Did you need something, Candidate Diaz?"


    "I''m finished."


    "Did you want to check your work?"


    I shook my head, "nah. If I do I''ll just start doubting my answers and screw up the things I got right."


    She nodded and reached to take my papers, "There is some wisdom in that." She paged through them, and I noticed that my answers had smudged, luckily not into illegibility. Eyes widened slightly, she said, "Arabic numerals? You''ve been tutored then?"


    "I guess my math teachers just liked them better?"


    Looking at my final page, she frowned. "Is this... it''s not Arabic, not even transliterated. Phoenician letters, but what language is this?"


    "Uh, English? I''m sorry, my handwriting is pretty awful."


    She blinked at my answer, "handwriting aside, do I want to know how you learned to write in English of all languages?"


    "Uh... tutors?"


    At that she gave me the deep frown you''d expect from someone trying to keep themselves from bursting out laughing. "English. Tutors." She sighed, lay my papers on the front desk, and turned back to me with one hand across her eyes. "Just tell me you''re not wanted for piracy anywhere civilized."


    "Not that I''m aware of, Sister."


    The rest of the day went similarly, although without any more commentary on my using Arabic numerals or writing in English. Some of the tests were speed trials, others memory checks not unlike what I''d taken on the ASVABs. One section reminded me of a personality test I''d taken back at Eastside. Eventually, when the light wells just started to fade, she gathered up the last of the tests and dismissed us to dinner.


    We arrived just as the meal hit our table, and I spent the next two hours showing the other ROTCs what real binge eating looked like. I think I low-key terrified the Maids; by the third time they''d replaced all the food on the table they''d started lining up carts full of food next to our table, just waiting for me to devour their last offering. At one point right before the bell rang to indicate Dinner was done, Marie passed by our table, dropping off a tiny cake with an almond baked into the top of it.


    "Aww, you didn''t have to. It''s not even my birthday!"


    She just nodded and went back to doing Marie things.


    The ROTCs and I meandered home, hanging in the entryway to the girl''s dorm. When Bill followed us into the dorm, I gave him a look to which he shrugged as if to say ''No idea''. "I''m not gonna complain about free food, but damn I miss food with some kick to it," griped Angel. We all agreed, taking a few minutes to bitch about the lack of burn in our meals before breaking up and heading back to our rooms.


    Today Marie brought me breakfast with a note from Sister Cheryl, letting us know we''d find out tomorrow morning which of us were Cadets, and which of us needed to pack our bags and head home. I spent the day reading with my door open, but none of the ROTC kids dropped by, and nobody even looked in as they passed my room. A nice, relaxing day reading. No tension winding my whole body up like a spring or anything. Nope. I am the soul of calm. Not nervous or anything like it. Really.

 Day Twelve

    Dear Diary,


    So today was kinda anticlimactic. At breakfast Marshall duBois announced we could find the results of testing in the Library after lunch. The ROTCs and I stayed eating breakfast until they kicked us out, then wandered over to the Library.


    The Library was closed and locked, with a small crowd of Candidates milling around waiting. The ROTCs and I looked at each other, nodded, and left, headed back for our rooms. It turned out all four of us were in the inner hallway, as far from any windows as it was possible to be here at PCHA. Our rooms were near identical, although all three of them had their chamber pots under their beds. They''d done some interesting things with their easels as well; Bill had a really nice picture of the moon, Angel had an incense burner, and Saffron had a fancy knife and goblet. When they visited my room the three of them took one look at my easel, which still had the chamber pot sitting on one of the shelves, and lost their shit. Angel stifled a laugh, Bill didn''t bother and leaned against the wall laughing, and Saffron shot me an offended look and said, "What the fuck, Diaz?"


    "I left it there after I pulled both of them out from under the bed."


    "It''s a personal shrine, you''re not supposed to desecrate it like that."


    "Uh... oops?" I grabbed the chamber pot and slid it back under the bed.


    After that we all pulled our chairs to our doors and sat there like chatting about nothing much. We griped about the food, the uniforms, the beds, pretty much everything. Like you do.


    When we noticed folks moving around in the hallway outside the dorm, we shoved our chairs back, closed our doors, and headed to the Dining Hall. Today for lunch the maids brought out stacked up slices of ham. I decided to get creative, pulled out my dagger and sliced a few thin slabs of bread off my loaf, and made myself the world''s saddest ham sandwich. The other three looked at me like I''d gone insane when I started slicing, but Angel got a speculative look once I had my sandwich together.


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    "Would it kill them to give us some mustard?" I muttered around a bite of sandwich.


    "Yeah, I think that''s too spendy for us mortals from The Yards," replied Angel.


    We spent the rest of lunch demolishing another few trays of food, the others now openly betting on how much I would eat. I had no idea how much I could actually eat without being full, nor how long it would take to start putting on some comfortable padding, but I''d find out eventually.


    When the maids kicked us out at the end of lunch, we wandered over to the Library. I wasn''t sure how many candidates there were, so I couldn''t be sure how many of them failed, but all four of us made the cut. When we started cheering and congratulating us, Sister Cheryl handed us each a big manila envelope and ejected us from the Library. We fell back to our rooms and went through our envelopes, which had, among other things, our class schedules for the remainder of the Summer semester. Our schedules were more or less identical four days out of the week. We also each got a required reading list, a personalized exercise plan, and our scores on the admissions testing.


    I wound up heading back to the Library to pick up more books; that''s when I found out that Cadets weren''t allowed to check out books; I found the ones I needed, noted where they lived on the shelves, and wandered back to my room, the smallest of the books tucked under my shirt. On the way I wandered around until I found each of my classrooms, all of which were in use today.


    I barely made it to dinner; the relief after three days of buildup hit me, leaving me exhausted. We got cake during dinner, although the frosting tasted more like butter than frosting. I still ate mine, but I felt really disappointed until Marie brought me my own little personal cake.


    When I got back to my room, I was asleep as soon as my head hit the bed.

 Day Thirteen

    Dear Diary,


    So I had my first class today. On the good side, I had the other three ROTCs with me. On the bad side, we shared the class with three of the blond haired blue eyed rich kids. Even that had a silver lining, though, what with duBois being who he is. Class started immediately after breakfast ended. The four of us double timed it up to the Practice Yard, and duBois still beat us there. Once the Barbie Brigade and the other half dozen or so students in the class arrived, while Angel, Bill, Saffron, and I all stood at parade rest and the others just sort of milled around, the Marshall called the class to attention.


    "Listen up, Cadets. You see these four? That''s how I expect you to be standing here when I arrive. All of you, fall in behind them in straight lines."


    Boots struck the ground behind me, followed shortly by duBois asking, "What is it, Cadet?". I wished I could turn around and look, but the four of us had scored a few brownie points by knowing the basics of military posture, I didn''t want to spoil that.


    A moment later, a supercilious whine tested my self-control, "Shouldn''t we be in front?"


    The Marshall walked past me by a solid three yards if I judged the echo of his voice correctly. "Those four arrived the least late of any of you, and they''re at least attempting proper bearing. The rest of the class showed me that even if they don''t have a clue what to do on their own, they can follow simple instructions when those are given to them. All you three have managed to do so far is show me you can''t even do that; why would I entrust a squad of your fellows to your leadership?"


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    Another voice cut in, this one far smoother, but still just a bit petulant, "You know why."


    DuBois responded to that with a hearty guffaw followed by, "I know why you think you should be in charge, because one of you is a legacy, and all three of your families bought your spots here at PCHA."


    Right then Mr. Smooth convinced me that what he lacked in personality he made up for with a complete lack of common sense by interrupting the Marshall. "We''ve all been prepared for the Academy, Sir! Years of physical training, the best tutors, We''re just better than them."


    My foot twitched, and I know I lost anything resembling calm, but I forced myself to stay at Parade Rest.


    "You know what makes that especially sad, Cadet?"


    "Uh... no?" Smooth lost some of his smoothness, no doubt at the Marshall getting up in his face.


    "Cadet Mac Conno there managed to beat every damn one of you three during Strength testing, and Cadet Diaz set a new school record for the Endurance test. Hell, even Driver beat you three on the Agility test. All that after you lot had all that very special, very expensive preparation. All three of you come see me after class, but for now, Lancaster on the left, Rider next to him, and Rosen on the right. MOVE!" His last word echoed through the Yard. Before those echoes died down, a whisper reached my ear.


    "I''ll get you for this, peasant. Lawrence Lancaster does not make way for your kind."


    Great. I''d been here for a week, I''d been wondering when life would throw a nemesis at me.

 Day Fourteen

    Dear Diary,


    Sorry about having to cut yesterday''s entry short. Right after my new nemesis whispered his threat in my ear, the Marshall had us start doing laps. Between running, calisthenics, and stretching exercises, he worked us from then until lunch, and made it very clear he expected us back in the Practice Yard before he made it back from his own lunch.


    Whatever flaws my new school had, at least nobody told us to stop running in the halls. The four of us bolted down to the Dining Hall and started eating before our butts had a chance to hit the seats. We actually beat duBois to his own seat at the table at one end of the Hall. I hadn''t really paid much attention to that high table before, but today I''d plonked my butt down in a seat facing that end of the Hall, and I watched as one of the maids brought him his own tray. He ate just about as mechanically as the four of us did, although where we each jammed food in as fast as we could swallow it, he simply didn''t waste any time, downing bite after bite like a machine, only stopping every once in a while to down another stein of water.


    I''d never much bothered with the steins. I commandeered a pitcher whenever I sat down, and since nobody said anything and it wasn''t the only one at the table, I wasn''t about to stop now. As we ate, I kept my eyes on the Marshall; the moment he shifted in his seat I dropped my half eaten loaf of bread onto the table and bolted for the door. If the others didn''t take the hint, I didn''t have time to explain it to them. I heard the thunder of boots behind me just as I hit the stairwell, but I didn''t look back; I sprinted up the stairs, opened the sturdy Practice Yard door by ramming it with my shoulder, and ran head down to my central spot in the Yard.


    I looked up to see duBois watching me, one eyebrow lifted. He smirked at me, but it vanished before I heard another set of boots enter the Yard. After that the Drill Instructor shouting started again, and after more wind sprints and calisthenics he broke us up into four teams. For the rest of the afternoon, we played the most hardcore dodgeball variant I''d ever heard of. Instead of the big red rubber ploink balls I remembered from Eastside, he pulled out eight red softballs. Okay, they weren''t softballs, but they were grapefruit sized balls covered in red fabric. He also pulled out a few dozen headbands, some bright green, some fiery red, some flat black.


    "You lot don''t have your first Combat Training until tomorrow, but upon conferring with your Combat Trainer, we feel you all need as much help as you can get in that class, so we''ll be doing some combat related sports in the afternoons. Have any of you played Squad Ball before?"


    Angel raised her hand, as did all three of the rich kids. A couple of the others did as well.


    DuBois nodded, then walked to the middle of the Yard and set the balls down around the central intersection of slabs. "Okay then. The rules are simple. If you''re hit by a ball, you''re a Casualty; you can sit or lie down, but if you get hit you drop. If you get hit again before a Healer gets to you, you''re Dead, and you move over by one of the equipment sheds until the round is over. Every player can have one of three positions; Caster, Tank, or Healer. Casters, with the red headbands, can throw the balls. Tanks, with the black headbands, can deflect them with their arms as well as catching them. Healers, with the green headbands, can heal a casualty by tagging them and helping them back to their feet. Any questions?"


    Of course some of the kids weren''t listening, but after fielding a couple dumb questions, the Marshall announced, "Okay then. Squads are how you lined up this morning, NO YOU DO NOT HAVE A SAY IN THAT, LANCASTER!" DuBois'' roar shut down the complaints before they started, but I wasn''t any happier with Lancaster on my team than he was. "Grab your headbands, get to your corners, and start when the lines come up!"


    My team wound up with three Casters and me as the Tank; Lancaster kept bitching about how ''pro teams did two Casters, one Tank, and one Healer'', but since nobody wanted to play anything other than a Caster, and I figured we were better off with a Tank rather than a Healer, that''s what we wound up with.


    I learned a few things over the course of the afternoon.


    Squad Ball balls are coated with some kind of red powder that splattered whenever it hit, which made it real obvious if you''d been hit or not.


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    While they were covered in fabric, the balls themselves are pretty much solid hardwood. They hurt like a bitch when they hit. Midway through the afternoon Saffron wound up getting sent down to the Infirmary when she failed to get her arms in the way of her face. She came back about half an hour later, but until she did, her team played with two players. When the Barbie squad kid, Rider, complained, duBois'' only response was, "I told you this is a Combat Training game; do you think your opponents in combat are going to stop just because they outnumber you?"


    Lancaster, for all his douchebag personality grated on my nerves, had a decent arm and could aim. He wound up with more ''kills'' than any other single player on the field. Second and third were Rider and Rosen; I guess their Academy Prep tutoring hadn''t been entirely wasted.


    Pros do things for a reason; Bill''s team, the only team with ''two, one, and one'', wound up winning more matches than any other team. Pretty embarrassing to be schooled by a team led by a kid so obviously averse to physical exertion, but given how all the other teams were more or less playing as four individuals, and he was actively calling out warnings and opportunities to his team, I couldn''t really be upset at him.


    As dinner time approached, duBois called a halt and sent us to the infirmary to get any scrapes and bruises patched up before we hit the Dining Hall. I expected bandages and maybe some alcohol swabs or something, but when Sister Siobhan checked our schedules and realized all of us had Combat Training the following day, she had us line up and, one at a time, muttered some kind of prayer that made her hands glow, then laid her hands on the person at the head of the line before sending them off to dinner. When my turn came and she laid hands on me, a rush of something that felt the way spearmint tastes ran through my whole body, and all my minor aches, not to mention my bruised up forearms, stopped hurting.


    While we ate, I told my three friends I had a plan for tomorrow.


    We met back at my room, and after I''d told them my plan, I asked them how they''d done on the entrance testing. They looked a little weirded out by my asking, but Bill just shrugged and headed back to his room to get the packet he''d been given. The other two did the same once they saw he was sharing.


    It turns out the numbers listed weren''t some kind of abstract measurement, but just where we placed among the Candidates.


    Angel was the Strongest; I''d come in fifth in that. Bill was the worst not just of us four, but probably the worst Candidate overall, with a listing of thirty two. Saffron surprised me by coming in fifteenth. Her only explanation? "I''ve had a lot of practice lifting with my legs." After she said that, she excused herself, saying she had to go to the Infirmary, but she left her papers with us, saying she''d let us clue her in on how she stacked up when she got back.


    We all scored pretty well on Agility; Bill came in first, I came in fifth, Saffron in seventh, and Angel in twelfth.


    The others took the opportunity to ask me how many laps I''d done when I confirmed duBois'' comment that I came in first in Endurance; they looked a little put out that I didn''t remember, but goggled a little when I told them what the Marshall said about a Marathon. Angel came in third, Saffron in tenth, and Bill in twentieth.


    I kind of wondered about Bill making the cut, even with his number one showing in Agility, until we looked at the mental scores.


    I''d scored the highest out of the four of us at fourth in Reason, Saffron right behind me at fifth, and Bill at sixth. Angel just shrugged when she showed us her twentieth rating. "Not my thing."


    Saffron beat us all on the Memory testing, coming in second overall; Bill came in third, Angel at tenth, with me behind her at eleventh.


    I guessed I''d figured out how Bill managed to get his team to cooperate when I saw the Personality scores; he''d scored first in that as well; I came in fifth, Saffron tenth, and Angel again had twentieth.


    Around then Saffron came back, and we shot the shit talking about nothing much at all until the hall lights dimmed.


    The next day, we all got to the Dining Hall when it opened, Saffron having rousted us all out of bed early enough to do so. We attacked breakfast like it owed us money, and the moment we saw Marshall duBois settle into his seat to start breakfast, we all left and high tailed it up to the Practice Yard.


    Which is where he found us queued up with Bill at the head of our line when he just fucking appeared out of nowhere shortly before the rest of the class showed up.


    Of course the members of the Barbie Brigade each took that as an opportunity to grab a squad leader spot for themselves.


    DuBois waited until everyone was lined up before announcing, "So your Physical Training instructor tells me you all know how to play Squad Ball?"


    We groaned, although I couldn''t tell whether my own groan was from the prospect of more Squad Ball or duBois'' terrible attempt at humor.


    The same as the prior day, our teams were the squads we''d lined up in. We varied the normal lineup just a little, with Bill and Saffron both taking the Healer role, me Tanking, and Angel showing what her first rating in Strength meant when applied to someone''s precious body parts via Squad Ball. We changed it up a couple times, with Angel and I swapping. It turned out my aim was better, but she threw the damn ball so hard she broke one of Lancaster''s fingers when he tried to catch it, so we left her on Caster after that.


    It felt good heading to dinner undefeated for the day.

 Day Fifteen

    Dear Diary,


    Okay, maybe I got a little too gleeful over Larry breaking his finger, but it''s not like it stuck. He went down to the infirmary and came back with it bandaged up, but more or less functional. Sister Siobhan takes her duties seriously.


    Anyhow, I left dinner early, telling the others I wanted to get to bed early. I felt a little bad lying to them, but if my plans went awry I didn''t want them catching heat. Given all the wacky things I''d seen so far from Marshall duBois and Sister Siobhan, I figured reading somebody''s mind or some kind of magical truth serum whammy was totally on the table as far as options went.


    When I got to my room I changed into my old, nice panties and bra, then pulled on a clean uniform. I hid my books away in the bottom drawer in my armoire, then slipped out of my room just before dinner officially ended. As I caught the sounds of conversation from the direction of the Dining Hall, I heard the faintest ''click'' from my door. I raced for the stairs, jumping down a flight at a time until I hit the basement. I wandered around down there for a bit, watching the maids go about their laundering. I didn''t get quite as much of a standoffish vibe from them today as I had previously, but something started setting off my inner alarms. They''d been going off since I got down here, maybe longer, but I hadn''t noticed while I tried to avoid the eyes of anyone who might yoink me back to my room.


    After a little while the constant feeling of someone staring at the back of my head got on my nerves, so I wandered over to the kitchens. The maids there had thinned out to just a few washing the dishes; I wandered over and asked if they needed any help. They all stared at me unblinking for a minute before one of them whispered, "No."


    I thought I''d gotten used to Marie, but at this point I figured she must have warmed up to me or something, because this batch still gave me the full on creepies. I said, "Okay then. The food is all great, if you guys aren''t the cooks, please let them know I said so."


    They just stared at me more until I turned and walked slowly out the door, hoping I didn''t set off some kind of ingrained chase reflex. They definitely gave off predator vibes.


    Safe in the hallway I listened, and after a minute the sounds of maids scrubbing trays filtered out from the kitchen again. I snuck up the steps, carefully listening for any footsteps other than my own. I didn''t hear or see anyone, so I kept creeping upward. I snuck out at the floor with the Library''s entrance, but I could see light around the door, so I went back to the stairs and kept going upward. I passed the floor with the entrance to the Practice Yard and kept going. The floor above that had rooms along the outside of the building, but too many of them had open doors with light pouring out for me to be safe exploring, so I kept going. The next floor had fewer rooms, but none of them had light coming out, even the ones with open doors, so I ghosted down the hall to see what the floor held.


    Each door had a name and title on a little sign hanging from a hook. The first open one I found listed ''Archivist Auriemma''; exactly what I''d been looking for. While those alarm bells in the back of my head hadn''t silenced since I left my room, they didn''t get any worse when I stepped into a dead woman''s room fully intent on getting some sleep. I left the door open and went through the outer room into her bedroom, carrying the chair from her desk with me. I opened the curtains on the bedroom windows and set the chair in the corner of the room opposite the windows, but on the same wall as the door, so I could easily see the sky outside, but no one walking in the hall or stepping into the outer room would see me.


    I sat down, slouched until I wasn''t too uncomfortable to rest, and closed my eyes.


    ***


    Between the hard-as-fuck chair and the alarm bells ringing in my head, I don''t think I got any actual sleep. On the other hand, I felt more-or-less rested when the sky outside the windows lightened to tell me dawn wasn''t far away. I left the chair where it was, because any early risers might hear me moving it. I crept out of the room, walking on my toes to keep my boot heels from hitting the floor, but otherwise trying to walk like I was supposed to be here. I made it to the steps without incident, quickly and quietly walked down to the ground floor, and headed for the main entrance.


    When I got there, the doors stood open, but two guards waited just inside the doors. I''d seen the same security theater at Eastside, armed guards checking to make sure students didn''t bring weapons or other contraband into the school. The thought that a school with an armory would check students for hidden weapons confused me a little, but not enough to quiet the alarm bells. I walked straight for the doors, and one of the pair turned to me as I approached, squinting a little at my nametag before addressing me. "Good morning, Cadet Diaz. Headed out?"


    "I''ve got some free time this morning, so I''m going to run some errands."


    He nodded, pulling a clipboard on a cord from his waist and scribbling something down near the top of the page. "Whereabouts will you be going?"


    I paused half a moment, trying to think of anything that might be vague enough to sound right. "Uh, South Street and the Italian Market."


    He nodded at the first, then got a confused look at the second, "What kind of market?"


    "Uh, the market down on South Ninth Street?" I said, desperately hoping there was such a market in this world.


    "Oh." His look changed from one of confusion to a professional ''concerned'' look as he jotted a few more things down on his clipboard. "Will you require an escort, Cadet?"


    I shook my head, "No, I''m fine. Just doing some shopping for a few comfort foods, maybe some sleepwear that isn''t made out of sandpaper."


    He shot me a crooked grin at that last, working his shoulders the way somebody in an over starched uniform jacket is bound to when someone mentions uncomfortable clothes. "Very good, Cadet. Please return and let us know if you''ll be going anywhere else, just in case we need to come find you."


    "Will do." I said, heading for the door. Neither of them made a move to stop me, and a second later I was free.


    The entrance of the school had a massive, multi-tiered stairway out to the street in front of it, which from the vantage point atop the steps looked like a huge loop around a park filled with statues, an amphitheater, and what looked to be some kind of homage to the Acropolis. This early, everything stood empty, with the exception of a few honest to god horse drawn carts making their way around to the back of the school. In the distance, a little to the left of directly in front of the school, I could just make out some lights on the spires of the Not-Ben-Franklin Bridge I''d seen the day I fought the dragon. Assuming things were sort of where they were back in Philly, I walked down the steps and cut straight through the park to the wide boulevard beyond. Walking along the grass in the middle of the boulevard, I passed a few more laden carts headed toward the school; one had a load of potatoes, and I caught a whiff of onions from another one. That tracked, what with the number of dorm rooms I''d seen; even if the dorm kids outnumbered the commuters, they still had close on a thousand student mouths to feed, and I hadn''t seen anybody checking IDs or asking for student ID numbers to get food.


    I ignored the few cross streets, going down a side street with the sun still down seemed a little stupid. As I approached the end of the boulevard I passed a school bus headed toward the Academy. Now, it didn''t have the bright yellow and black paint, or a thundering diesel engine driving it, but the six wheeled behemoth of a carriage floating down the street pulled by four floating hunks of metal that looked like nothing so much as glowing suits of barding couldn''t be anything else with its rows of windows, each offering a view to a couple bored, half asleep teenagers inside. The color scheme even matched the uniforms, Black wheels, glowing white undercarriage, and red side panels with a gray roof. At a guess, some variation of the uniform had a gray hat, not that I intended to wear one. I don''t have a hat head. By the time I hit the end of the boulevard, the sun had officially risen, and the streets had people walking along the sidewalks.


    Now, by this time I''m sure you''ve been staring at me, jaw dropped open, saying ''What the fuck, Tabitha? Are you trying for a double-Isekai, trying to get your ass yeeted into yet another world? To which I say ''any world I can''t skip out on a day of prayer and fasting without getting waxed is one I don''t want to be in''. Also, fuck you, I''d cut school plenty of times before that without Truck-Kun smacking me down. If I couldn''t survive a single day on the streets of Phileo City, I wasn''t fit to live.


    So at any rate the street ended at another park with another wrap-around street, this time with a single easily recognizable building in the middle. It looked like Billy Penn founded Phileo City as well, or at least somebody old fashioned and fancy had a statue of him at the top of City Hall. At this point I finally discovered the name of the big street headed up to PCHA; High Artificer Franklin Boulevard. I went around City Hall and started zig-zagging down the smaller streets, weirded out by the familiar street names and unfamiliar architecture. Where I expected brick, most of the buildings had stone instead, typically big fucking slabs of the stuff where the bricks would be.


    With every block I travelled, my inner alarms jangled just a little louder. By the time I hit South street, I scanned around myself constantly, looking for whoever or whatever had set me off. While the streets had a solid amount of foot traffic by this point, especially here at the East end of South Street, none of them looked like the kind of weirdo or threat that would harsh my calm like this. Plenty of weirdos, but all of them had that ''semi-professional South Street weirdo'' look to them. A few threatening punkish sorts, at least two rocking full on tusks and fangs, but none of them threatening me. In fact, the one time my Westward wandering took me near a group like that, they shied away from me like I was a uniformed cop or something.


    It took me longer than it should have to twig to exactly why they did that, but once I did I actually felt kinda bad. Not bad enough to leave or anything, but bad enough that I didn''t bother trying to stare any other punks down like I normally would. I didn''t have to prove my place in the pecking order; my uniform did that for me.


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    Just then every alarm bell I had peaked, then went silent. I spun, trying to see who had what weapon pointed at me, but the only person not doing their own thing was a single woman about two paces behind me. She wore a mustard-colored robe, a belt around her waist keeping it closed, but it still hung open enough I could tell she had nothing on beneath it, at least above the waist.


    "What are you doing here, Tabitha Diaz?"


    I shrugged, "Just walking. Who the fuck are you?"


    She more or less ignored my question and instead responded, "You would risk the wrath of your Patron just to walk?"


    I shook my head, turned away, and started walking; I really did want to walk, and standing there wasting time talking to a crazy person wasn''t my idea of something worth playing hooky for. "I haven''t got a patron, and I don''t feel like spending the day locked in a box."


    I didn''t hear her move, but when she replied, it came from just beside me, "You claimed Diana as your patron."


    It took everything I had not to take a swing at her appearing beside me, but instead I shrugged, shook my head in negation, and kept walking, hoping this madwoman would leave me alone. "I said I wanted Mondays off. Sister Siobhan was the one who wrote down Diana."


    "So you claim another Patron?"


    Good god this woman was dense. "No. I don''t have a patron, like I said before. Now, if you''re not going to fuck the hell off and leave me alone, who the fuck are you and why the fuck are you bothering me? Also, while I''m at it, how the fuck do you know my name?"


    "Your lack of faith disturbs the Goddess, and so I am here to correct that. Your name is written on your uniform jacket."


    "Yeah, no. My last name is, my first name isn''t. How do you know my name?"


    "The Goddess knows everything about those who claim her as Patron." I had no idea why, but something about what she''d just said didn''t ring true.


    "Everything, huh? Then why the fuck am I here?"


    "Why are any of you here? To further the plans of the Gods, and to win Glory in their name." She said that with the kind of conviction people normally saved for gravity, death, and taxes.


    I kept moving, even picking up the pace a bit as I got angrier. "So you don''t know then. Good information to have. Thanks."


    She smiled so hard I could feel it without even looking, "So you accept Her as your Patron then?"


    "Her who?"


    "Diana." When I didn''t respond, she drew closer, uncomfortably close, and whispered, "Artemis" in my ear.


    "I''m not sure. What do I get out of the deal?"


    While her feet kept moving, she went silent and goggled like I''d just bitch slapped her. Eventually she came out of it to say, "You do not make demands of the Gods. You accept them as Patrons and offer them Devotion and Glory!"


    "Right. So it''s just a racket then; I do stuff for her and she just sits on her ass and accepts it. Not sounding like a great deal to me."


    She had no right to look as offended as she did, "You do not make deals with the Gods!"


    Again, something about her declaration seemed off to me. "Yeah, no, not if that''s the best deal they''re offering."


    "Your Patron deserves your devotion and praise because they are a Goddess, not because they bribed you for them."


    "I told you before, she''s not my patron."


    The crazy fundie chick stood right in front of me, facing me, blocking my path down the sidewalk. Her eyes burned when she said, "So, you would deny your Patron three times?"


    "Pretty fuckin'' sure I just did, shit for brains."


    Some guy behind me made an appreciative audience; he laughed at least. Crazy mustard-robe chick, on the other hand, slapped me before I could react, then turned to someone behind me and said, "I disavow this one. She''s all yours." Then she just flat up fucking disappeared.


    I spun, tracking the sound of laughter. A dude stood there, just a touch taller than me, but skinny and slouched enough he felt shorter. He wore black leather with dark green trim, and I had to say he had the figure to pull off black leather pants. Otherwise he defined ''unremarkable''. "So. I hear you don''t have a Patron?"


    I rolled my eyes, turned, and walked away. Half a block later I turned left to head toward the Market; I''d wasted most of my sightseeing time on South Street arguing with mustard-chick. I took two steps down Ninth Street and stopped, staring at the guy I''d left behind half a block ago.


    "What the fuck? Did duBois teach you that trick?" I asked as I walked past him.


    He fell in next to me, walking half a step ahead, his gaze never leaving me. "Oh, no. In fact, I''m fairly certain if you trace it back from student to teacher, you''ll eventually come to me."


    "So you''re some kind of mage then?"


    He replied with a gallic shrug, "I''ve been called one, and I do dabble a little in mortal magics. When it comes to fine control, they''re a lot less work to keep in check than deific intervention."


    "Who the fuck are you?"


    "You asked her the same question."


    I stomped my way down the street, approaching the first of the food stalls which lined the street for at least the next few blocks. "She didn''t answer either. Who the fuck was she?"


    He grinned, "She''s a local priestess of your denied Patron, although she was also being possessed by an angelic minion of self same denied Patron, who was in turn being possessed by Diana who was Artemis, she-Bear and Goddess of the Hunt."


    Despite myself his explanation intrigued me, "So, assuming you''re both correct and not lying, why the hell would she go through that whole Deific Matryoshka Doll thing just to talk to me?"


    "Fair question, and good instincts to avoid taking me at my word. There is a Pact between Gods, that none of them should directly interfere in the affairs of mortals. As it was, she could do nothing to you that her priestess could not. Since I can tell you''re about to ask, the angel was something of a divine circuit breaker; should she directly possess a mortal, it would more than likely burn the mortal''s mind and soul to ash, leaving her nothing but a hollow shell after."


    I nodded, "That kinda makes sense. I gotta learn more about how magic works."


    He smirked at me, and I gotta admit, that kinda ground my gears. "Is that why you''re cutting school?"


    "No, I''m cutting school because instead of teaching me on Mondays, or giving me a day to chill, they lock me in a box expecting me to fast and pray or some bullshit like that." At some point I''d stopped walking to talk to this guy. We stood in front of a place selling a variety of fruits and vegetables, some I recognized, others I didn''t.


    The guy picked up a green apple, took a bite, and after swallowing, smirked at me again. "That sounds so awful, not eating and talking to gods." Then he started laughing.


    I didn''t get the joke. "Okay, I still want to know who the fuck you are and why you''re following me."


    "Was I following you? I remember walking and talking with you, but not stalking you the way the she-Bear did."


    "Okay, what do you want from me?"


    "Alphabetically, or in order of importance?" I just stared at him until he stopped chuckling and continued, "I suppose I want to know more about you. You''re unusual, and not only is unusual more than a bit of a rarity, it''s also usually a signifier that something is uniquely powerful. I enjoy conversing with you, although that might change should I become your Patron. That''s the last thing; I want you to choose me as your Patron."


    "So you''re a god then?"


    "Oh, a Patron need not be a God, although there are few beings worthy of being called a Patron who aren''t. Even some mortals are Patrons, although I''ve rarely understood why someone would choose a Patron with the limitations of a mortal."


    I stared at him until he turned enough to meet my eye. "Are you a god?"


    "Yes."


    "Finally, a straight fucking answer. Insane, but straight." I paused, considering something before asking. "Why was it so hard to get a straight answer out of you?"


    He shrugged, "A God''s word is literally their bond. Should they say a thing, their very nature forces them to make it true. The further from true it is, the more power they spend. If all they do is speak in speculative phrases, they''re never really saying anything."


    "So why are you giving me direct answers now?"


    He smiled, "Because you''re finally asking direct questions instead of leaving wiggle room; that also lets me be sure you can''t misinterpret my statements. Also, I am of the very exclusive set of Gods who know how to lie."


    "So why should I believe a thing you''re saying?"


    He nodded his approval. "Because the truth suits my interests, and because while lying is easier than changing the world to suit my words, it is not without cost, either."


    "What about the whole ''Pact to not meddle''?"


    He grinned at that and took another few bites out of his apple. "Not as healthy as Idunn''s, but they certainly taste better."


    Bits of trivia suddenly coalesced into knowledge, and my lips twisted into a smirk to match his. "So. You want to be my patron?"


    "Yes."


    "What do I get out of the deal?"


    "To save you from asking for things I don''t want to do, let''s start with this; I will hear you when you call me by name, and will always respond."


    "Not a bad start. Go on."


    His eyebrows shot up, but the grin never left his face. "Since you complained about the waste of valuable learning time, I will meet with you on your Devotional days and teach you whatever it is you wish to learn."


    I nodded, pursing my lips. "What if I ask you something you don''t know, or can''t tell me?"


    "So perspicacious. Then the following Devotional day I will procure for you someone who both can and will provide you an answer. Enough?"


    "Not yet. I really do want some down time, and Mondays seem like a great time for it."


    "Oh ye of little faith. I''m not averse to mixing business with pleasure; we shall meet in comfort, and I shall provide whatever repast and entertainment you desire, so long as your desires are within my considerable means to acquire. Enough yet?"


    "Not quite. I hate being locked up."


    He nodded, his expression going serious, as if I''d said something profound. "No door shall bar your passage, no lock contain you, no bond constrain you, as it should be. Well?"


    I paused, considering. "What do you expect from me in return?"


    He grinned, grabbing another apple and tossing it to me. I caught it, but didn''t bite yet, which only made him grin wider. "You will attend me on your Devotional days, no matter what other issues might weigh upon you. When you call upon the Divine, you will call upon me first and foremost. When you perform great deeds, whether you acknowledge it openly or not, you will do so for my greater Glory."


    I frowned. "I dunno, that sounds an awful lot like giving you all the credit for shit that I''m gonna have to do."


    He laughed outright, loud enough that it surprised me when no one seemed to notice or care. "Oh, you are precious indeed. So you will, in your heart of hearts, credit me with some of the Glory you earn as a Hero. I will, after all, be teaching you. Mentoring you even."


    "Okay. Is there anything else you normally do for those do the patronage thing for you?"


    His grin grew sly and he nodded as if to himself. "Oh, many things. To forestall more dickering, you will be granted all the rights, privileges, powers, and benefits I have given all those who have taken me as Patron."


    "How long does this deal stand?"


    "From the time you declare me your Patron until such time as you deny me. I warn you now, should you deny me I shall be most put out with you. I shall not stop you though; I despise bindings, as you might imagine."


    "Okay, sounds good. I''m in." I held out my hand for him to shake.


    "Say it clearly, Tabitha Diaz."


    "Loki son of Laufey, Trickster and Teacher, Learned Liesmith, under the terms we have agreed to, I declare you my Patron."


    ***


    We walked aimlessly down South Ninth Street, my new Patron tossing me raw fruits and veggies as we walked and talked. "So why did you jump like you''d been scalded when we shook hands?" I''d jumped myself, as touching his skin felt like sticking my finger in a light socket, only without the actual pain. I wasn''t about to tell him that if he hadn''t noticed though.


    "It is customary for a Patron and their worshipper''s spirits to mingle, to become alike. Usually that goes enormously in one direction; worshippers with an especially close tie to their Patron often take on some characteristics of their Patron. Ours are more alike than I''d guessed, although yours is odd. Something I''ve never personally felt before."


    "Huh. So you''re saying I''m naturally tricksy?" My stomach grumbled; fresh fruit and veg was fine, but I wanted something meatier.


    He smiled at that. "You say that like either of us find it surprising."


    "God, I wish I could have a cheese steak right now."


    "Just a moment." He disappeared, and a moment later someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned, and there he stood, holding out a steaming bag that smelled of cheap beef and fake cheese.


    As I tore into my cheese steak, I congratulated myself on absolutely finding the correct Patron for me.

 Day Sixteen

    Dear Diary,


    I''ve never really gotten the hang of Tuesdays. Mondays are awful, but at least it''s an open-faced kind of awful, you know what you''re getting into. Wednesday is hump day, everything''s downhill after that. Thursday is almost Friday, and everybody loves Fridays. Saturday is party day, with no work and no work the day after. Sunday is for chilling and recharging the batteries.


    But Tuesdays just kind of sit there like a lump between Monday and Wednesday. I just have no idea what I''m supposed to do with them.


    I mean, I know I''m in school and I''ve got class, so I go to class, but that''s just my schedule, not ''Tuesday'' in the greater sense of things.


    So on Tuesdays I''ve got one of two classes where none of the ROTC squad are there with me. ''Remedial Mana Shaping''. There are only like four of us in the class. At least none of the Barbie Brigade are in the class with me. It''s also the first time I''ve taken remedial anything, so I''m not all that happy about being lumped in with the slow kids, but it''s not like I have any idea what mana even is.


    Thankfully that''s where the instructor started, although I would have liked an introduction. Calling people ''Mister'' or ''Miss'' always feels a little rude. It''s also risky sometimes, when you can''t tell if the person you''re talking to is a guy or a girl. The instructor''s face gave nothing away; no beard at all on a completely androgynous face, body completely hidden by a shapeless brown robe; I could barely see a set of overalls beneath the robe, and what looked like a flannel shirt under that. Still, their voice was clear and easy to follow; they knew they were teaching the slow kids, and didn''t want to lose any of us, I guess.


    "Mana. Life Force. Chi. Power. It goes by as many names as there are cultures, suggesting that the discovery of how to manipulate it is one of the events that creates a culture. Of course, some of those names have migrated, swapped places, or been borrowed by others over the years, so by now it''s more accurate to say that it has more names than there are cultures." They paused, wordlessly nodding to us in an attempt to elicit questions while they took a drink from a stein they''d set on the lectern.


    I raised my hand, and when they smiled and nodded, I asked, "Does the name matter? Like, does it matter what we call it?"


    They were nodding before they finished drinking, and spoke the moment the stein left their mouth. "Excellent question! The answer, unfortunately, is more complicated than ''yes'' or ''no'', and is why I mentioned cultures. While the name may or may not matter, the cultural assumptions about it do. Almost every bit of magic use outside the realms of Alchemy and Artifice is like that; it''s not the words themselves that are important, but all the connotations of their ontological loadout.¡±


    One of the other students raised a hand at that, simultaneously asking, "uh... whut?"


    Scintillating conversationalist, that one.


    "Ah. Yes. Carruthers. I forgot you''re also in Remedial Language Arts. No matter. To put it in more simple terms, when dealing with magic, many things you know but do not realize you know make a difference. The assumptions you make based on your upbringing, the biases of your home culture, the experiences in your life, and even your emotional state as you shape your Mana can affect the magic created."


    I raised my hand, and when they acknowledged me with a nod, asked, "So if everything about magic is subjective, how do you teach it? How do we study it?"


    "Again, a most excellent question. While it is true that there are many variables which are subject to change based on the practitioner, and the interactions of those variables can actually be subject to change for the same reasons, those of us who have studied magic of multiple cultures have noticed repeating patterns. In addition, each culture generally has one or more magical traditions, and within those traditions there is far less subjectivity. The only reason one might need to know how the factors vary is if one is trying to bridge the gap between traditions, or trying to discern what lies in the cracks between them."


    "And we''re all stuck in the cracks, huh?"


    They smiled, even chuckling a little. "Succinctly put, if a bit pithy. That said, I will let you all in on a little secret." They leaned forward, and all of us in the class leaned forward without thinking about how silly we looked. "I had to take Remedial Mana back at the start of my academic career too. In point of fact, I credit having to learn how to manipulate Mana the hard way with my depth of understanding now, and that understanding is in fact what has made me such a capable Artificer, and has helped my progress in Alchemy as well!"


    A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    Despite myself I felt a little better at hearing that. Almost like the class wasn''t for slow kids, but for kids who just hadn''t had any childhood interaction with magic. Which was spot on for me.


    Of course, Carruthers was still in the class.


    "Now class, I''d like a volunteer; I''m going to walk one of you through drawing forth your own personal Mana reserve in order to power a simple stored enchantment, and I''ll need the rest of you to watch closely; you can never tell what will be the thing that finally makes things ''click'' for you!"


    I volunteered, and they produced one of the glass pens I''d seen during our aptitude tests and a stack of scratch paper.


    "With the pen in your hand and the nib to the paper, I want you to close your eyes and pay attention to your heartbeat." I followed their instructions, feeling less of a fool with my eyes closed. I sat there like that for about sixty seconds, just listening to my own heart beating. "Now feel the flow of your blood from your heart to your hand. Envision it, watch the blood flowing. Don''t open your eyes. Have you got that flow firmly fixed in your head?"


    I tried, imagining one of the cutaway images of the human circulatory system I''d seen before. When I thought I had it, I nodded. "Good, good. Now feel the power flowing through your blood, power carried by your blood from your core to your extremities, a steady outward flow carried from your heart to your whole body."


    That wasn''t that hard to imagine, so I nodded. "Now, once you have that flow of power firmly in your mind, push the flow to your right hand just a little further, into the pen."


    I did. A fat lot of nothing happened. "Move the pen across the paper."


    I did, hearing the nib scratch across the rough surface of the paper. "Well. That''s a little disappointing, but not unexpected. Let''s try again, but this time I''ll help you out a little. How does that sound?"


    "Sure. Can''t hurt, right?"


    They leaned over me from behind, the warmth of their robes settling on my back. Their hand rested on mine, followed by the rest of their arm pressing lightly against mine. "Now, just move the pen around in circles; you''re not trying to write anything, just doodle so you leave a mark when the ink flows. Understand?"


    I wasn''t super copacetic about all the bodily contact, but I wasn''t about to make a fuss. I wasn''t upset about it, just a little weirded; after all there were at least three layers of cloth between us, two of them being my outer jacket and their heavy robe. "Sure. What should I do about the mana thing?"


    "Just focus on the points of contact between us, try to sense the Mana flowing."


    "Okay." I focused on their chest against my back, their arm against mine, their hand resting on the back of my hand as I drew little circles on the paper. I felt something through my back, something warm and cool and... greasy? I hadn''t opened my eyes since I first shut them, so the popup in front of me surprised me more than I''d care to admit.


    Mimic Skill? (Y/N)


    I figured it couldn''t hurt, and responded with a mental ''sure, go for it''.


    Between one moment and the next, the steady skritch, skritch, skritch of my dry pen across the scratch paper changed to something more akin to the splurtch you''d expect from slapping a sopping mop against a floor. My eyes popped open, and I dropped the pen and shoved myself back from my desk to avoid the spreading puddle of ink in the middle of the paper. Acting on instinct, I spun and grabbed at the instructors hand just before they fell backwards.


    They grabbed my hand with both hands and pulled themselves back onto steady footing, then looked around the class with a beaming smile. "See! I''m sure all of you here may have thought at some point that if you hadn''t been able to manifest Mana by now, you simply didn''t have any to manifest. Nothing could be further from the truth! Cadet Diaz is the newest in a long line of Cadets who came to us unable to manifest not because they had a Mana deficiency, but because they''d never been taught the basics! Frankly, many of those Cadets turned out to have a surplus of Mana, enough that they never felt Mana flowing from one part of them to another because their natural Mana filled them to the point that every nerve in their body remained continually inundated with Mana. Like a smell you become accustomed to; the smell is still there, but you can no longer sense it because of it''s ubiquity!"


    Carruthers chose that moment to say, "Huh?"


    "They say you can''t feel it moving to your hand ''cause it''s already there and always has been."


    "Succinctly put! Understanding of theory and practice in just one lesson! Fantastic!"


    I''m pretty sure I had no idea about the theory or the practice, but I''m not an idiot. "Can I watch while you work with someone else then?"


    The rest of the class went by with far less success. I had no idea what the others did or didn''t feel, and when I got a look at the instructor working with other students the way they''d worked with me, I lost all sense of violation. I''m pretty sure they saw us as genderless ''Cadets''; their face lit up if and only if someone showed a spark of Mana via ink coming out of the pen. I wound up wondering if they had some kind of Mana fetish, then wondering how the hell someone would indulge in a Mana fetish. By the time class ended just before lunch, I''d totally lost track of the lesson, although I''d managed to ink-blot two more pages, much to the instructor''s satisfaction.


    Remedial classes only lasted half the day, so I wandered back outside, this time just wandering around the extensive hilly lawn around the school. Idly, I muttered, "How in god''s name would you indulge a Mana fetish?"


    The, ah... intimately familiar sounds of something vibrating at alternating speeds filled my ears for the next god-knows-how-long, followed by a vaguely masculine giggle fit.


    Gods shouldn''t giggle. I mean, okay, fine, maybe they can, but they shouldn''t. Especially about dumb jokes about sex toys.

 Day Seventeen

    Dear Diary,


    Hump day! Time to get it on!


    Yeah, no. Not happening. So far the only guys who have made an impression have been Bill, who I''m not sure even identifies as a guy, Larry, who is a douchecanoe, Marshall duBois, who''s old enough to be my grandfather, and Loki, who now that I think about it might not identify as a guy either.


    Y''know, it''s unnerving to be doing the diary thing and have someone whisper, "I identify as your Patron," in your ear. I mean, at some point I''m sure I''ll be happy that he''s paying attention, but it''s going to take some getting used to.


    So yeah, I''m stuck in a sexless wonderland until I meet somebody available and interesting, get frustrated enough to see if Angel or Saffron are down for some girl-girl fun time, or get frustrated and creative enough to go after duBois, which sounds like a worse idea when I think it out loud with my own brain.


    Today wasn''t too bad. Wednesdays I have a two part class; Geography in the morning and World Cultures in the second. They''re decent sized classes, and my crew is in both halves with me. All of them are some degree of ''good student'', so even if I wanted to spend the class talking they wouldn''t, but the instructor didn''t seem to mind when I asked Angel or Saffron to confirm or clarify something. I think maybe I should be asking Bill too, but I get the impression he might twig to my unusual origins if I asked the wrong question. On the bad side of things, the Barbie Brigade are in there with us too, although in a class like this they wouldn''t have nearly as much chance to throw something at our heads.


    So in the morning we went over the local geography, if you consider the southern half of what I used to know as Jersey and the southeastern part of Penn''s Woods, as they call it here, ''local''. The only places marked as ''cities'' in that entire area are Phileo City and Camden Yards, which apparently is technically a client-state of Phileo City. There''s no Trenton, no Atlantic City, no Harrisburg. Just ''farms and small farming villages''. She did have us read through a list of those and identify them on the map, but the names just slipped back out of my ears. I think I may have been in a bit of shock to see all the places I''d known growing up just... gone. On the flip side, Camden Yards is a lot bigger than Camden ever was; I think it''s probably about three times as long north-south wise, and goes about four times further east from the river.


    I played dumb for most of the morning, just keeping my mouth shut and never volunteering any answers. I wanted answers myself, but none of the questions I wanted to ask were something someone from Camden Yards would ask, let alone someone from Phileo City.


    I heaved a sigh of relief when Doctor DeLeon dismissed us for lunch.


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    On the way to lunch Saffron stepped up next to me and said, "You don''t like Geography?"


    Fuck. I thought I''d kept it hid. "Not really. I mean, I don''t dislike it, but today was just stuff that we''ve all kinda lived in, right?"


    "I don''t think any of us have been over to Phileo City more than a handful of times. I mean, before we got into the Heroic Academy."


    "Yeah, but you lived in Camden Yards, Phileo City was right across the river, and pretty much everything else on the map is just... I dunno... irrelevant? Sort of all the same?"


    Angel interrupted with, "All that irrelevant is where the food comes from."


    I nodded as we went into the Dining Hall. "Fair point, yeah. I guess I just got a little weirded being taught stuff that I thought I should already know. Like I know it, but hearing it again is going to confuse me."


    Angel and Saffron both gave me an ''okay, humor the crazy woman'' look, and then we were at our table and chowing down. By the end of the meal we were all good and ready to go back and get us some Culture.


    An hour in, with DeLeon having us recite names and numbers the whole time, both individually and in a signsong kind of way with the whole class, I''d had enough rote memorization and raised my hand.


    "Yes, Cadet Diaz?"


    I had a question, but I couldn''t resist the smartass remark. "May I be excused, my brain is full."


    He just frowned at me, tilting his head in an eloquent ''really, Diaz?'' gesture I''d seen from every teacher back at Eastside, even the ones I didn''t have class with.


    I smiled and said, "I''m sorry, sir, but I did have a serious question. I get why we''d want to know the cultural background of the folks in a city, and knowing demographics could be useful, but why do we need to memorize Age of Consent and Age of Majority. For that matter, why are those two different?"


    I ignored Larry muttering, "moron," in a stage whisper and focused on DeLeon. One thing seemed to hold as true here as it did at Eastside; if you asked a question and paid attention to the answer, teachers would let you get away with all kinds of shit.


    "There are a variety of reasons the two are different, as well as a variety of reasons you will need to learn them as a Hero." He paused a bit, one finger up to silence the class while he thought. "The most succinct way to describe the difference is that when someone reaches the Age of Consent, they are legally considered an Adult in the eyes of the Law and the Gods, but they are not yet considered fully mature. They can sign contracts, including but not limited to marriage contracts. They are tried as Adults if they break the Law, although most Cities limit the maximum penalties which can be applied. Once they reach the Age of Majority, all active contracts they have signed previously are revisited, and they are required to reaffirm those contracts. In the case of criminals, they are released on probation, typically lasting as long as the difference between the Age of Consent and the Age of Majority." He looked around the ceiling a bit, like he was searching for more words, then nodded and looked back at me. "Does that answer your question?"


    "I think so. You''re saying that the Age of Consent marks someone as a Young Adult, and at the Age of Majority drops that ''Young'' part?"


    "A bit pithy, but I believe you understand the difference now."


    I held back a huge sigh, but it was hard. Same shit, different universe.

 Day Eighteen

    Dear Diary,


    Back at Eastside I had a lot of people look down on me when they figured out my family originated in PR, I had an entirely different group do so when they realized I''d only visited PR once on vacation, and still more diss me because I hailed from Camden. But I never had anyone tell me with a straight face that I was a literal demon straight from hell.


    Okay, so my Thursday class is Basic Heroic Skills. I wasn''t quite sure what to expect. I certainly didn''t expect to see Marshall duBois sitting behind a desk when I entered the classroom. I exchanged subtle glances with the other ROTC kids and each of them shrugged like they had no idea either.


    I really shouldn''t have expected duBois to miss that, especially with just the four of us in the classroom. I hoped we weren''t the only four in the class, but I had no way to know; we''d already made showing up early a habit. At any rate, he said, "Yes, I''m capable of teaching in an academic setting as well as the Practice Yard."


    Not only didn''t he shout, he didn''t sound nearly as angry nasty as he did in the Yard. "Never doubted it for a minute, sir."


    That actually got a laugh out of him. "The instructors rotate through this class; you''ll probably have a different one every week. There are a few reasons for that, but the biggest one is that it''s hard to teach a Skill you don''t have, and it can be downright impossible to teach a Skill you have no equivalent for."


    We found seats, unconsciously copying the formation we''d adopted for the Yard; just to the left of center, with Bill in front, Saffron behind, me third, and Angel in the rear. We weren''t quite in order of height, but Bill and I tended to slouch, whereas Angel sat ramrod straight in her seat. While duBois spoke, other students trickled into the room.


    "What''s a skill?" I asked.


    "That''s an excellent question, but unfortunately I''m not going to answer it right now, because we''re about," he glanced at his wrist, "three minutes early to start class, and that''s the first thing we''ll be going over."


    About then Larry and his sidekicks slouched into the room. He took one look around, saw the four of us, and sniffed like he''d just smelled an apocalyptic fart. "I shouldn''t even be in this class. I''ve had the best tutors in the city ensuring the best training in both Skills and Magic. Jumped up Bag cretins in the classroom." He muttered that last, intending it for my friends and I, especially that last bit, but the moron still hadn''t caught on that duBois heard everything that went on in his proximity.


    "Lancaster, I''m sure your daddy paid for the best tutors he could find, but if your other tutors were as insufficient as the one who taught you proper manners, he wasted every dime." He looked around the room before continuing. "Before we get started, I think you all need a bit of real world education on something. Everybody in the class who is a pure blooded human raise your hand." He raised his own, and I started to raise mine instinctively before I caught myself. Saffron''s hand went up, Bill''s stayed down. I glanced left and right, maybe one kid in three had their hands raised.


    "Okay, hands down. Anybody who is pure Bag raise your hand." This time the only Cadet to raise their hand was Bill. "Really, Driver?"


    Bill shrugged. "That''s what mom told me. Mom and dad both look Bag."


    "This new class is just full of surprises. Sister Cheryl won''t let me hear the end of this any time soon. Anyhow, how many here are full Dan?"


    Unsurprisingly, all three of the Barbie Brigade raised their hands. One other kid sitting behind them did as well.


    "Okay, first lesson. You four are wrong." He waited and watched while Larry and his posse all spluttered denials. The moment one of them opened their mouth with some kind of coherent look in their eyes, he interrupted. "The original Dan, all of them, were Gods, or something so similar the difference is literally academic. None of them had offspring who weren''t Gods themselves, but more than one of them took mortal lovers and spawned the first half-Dan. That means each and every one of you have at least one human ancestor. Probably more than one. Yes, Rider?"


    Rider lowered her hand, "What about the Sidhe, or other supernatural races?"


    DuBois pursed his lips and nodded a that. "Good question. Not the right class for it, but the lifers here at Phileo Heroic tell me I need to watch out for ''teachable moments''. You''re right, there are other supernatural humanoid races who can cross-breed with humans as well as the Dan did. Some of them are even known for doing it habitually." He paused a moment, as if for breath, but I just barely caught him whisper, "Fuckin'' Zeus," under his breath.


    "Thing is, any pureblooded Dan, like any children of any two of any pantheon, are more or less Gods, like I said." He raked his gaze across the class as he said, "Since none of you are Gods, none of you are descended purely from immortals." He paused, waiting for that to sink in.


    To her credit, Rider just nodded. Rosen looked aghast, and Lancaster just spluttered more.


    DuBois glanced at his wrist again before he spoke, "It''s time for us to get started. This is Basic Heroic Skills; if you''re supposed to be in a different class, get yourself to wherever you''re supposed to be. If you''re auditing or want to be added to the class, speak to me at lunch and we''ll see what we can do."


    He looked around the room, but nobody looked ready to leave. "Good. Now, as Cadet Diaz asked the question a few minutes ago, I''ll start with what a Skill is and isn''t." He paused with a stifled longsuffering sigh. "Yes, Lancaster?"


    "I know this already. Can''t we skip ahead?"


    "I know this may come as a shock to you, Lancaster, but there are people other than you in this class. If you already know something, count that as an easy passing grade and keep your mouth shut. That goes for the rest of you as well." He raked his gaze across the class, and the kid next to Bill flinched.


    "Okay, then. A Skill is something you''ve learned to do so well that it has become an almost subconscious activity. You don''t have to think about doing it, all you need do is will it to happen. In some cases, you don''t even need to do that. For example, most healing Skills will function even if the healer is unconscious. Yes, Cadet Aetos?"


    If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it.


    "Wouldn''t that make a healer capable of reviving the recently deceased functionally immortal?"


    DuBois nodded, "You''d think, but no. A healer that good will generally recover from anything but an immediately fatal wound, assuming their injuries do not interfere with their Mana flow. That in fact is the specific reason immediately fatal wounds prevent a healer from healing themselves; healers define death as the cessation of Mana flow. No Mana, no healing, no healing, no revival. Make sense?"


    Saffron nodded before saying, "Yes, sir."


    "Excellent. Now Skills are not, in and of themselves, Magic. While we''ll be studying some Skills that employ Magic in this class, and practicing others which require some degree of Magical aptitude and training to learn, this will not be where you study Magic itself."


    I raised my hand, and when he acknowledged me asked, "Is that trick you pull off to get from the Dining Hall to the Practice Yard Magic, or a Skill?"


    He laughed, "You caught on to that, did you?" At my nod he continued, "That''s an example of a Skill based on a Magical Spell, and it''s one of the ones I strongly recommend Cadets learn during their time with us. It isn''t mandatory for graduation, like the Skills you''ll be learning in this class. It''s just damn handy to have, especially when chasing down a criminal or running away from a rampaging beast."


    "I can''t see you running away from anything, sir."


    He shot me a lopsided, rueful grin, "I haven''t run from much in my career, but sometimes there''s nothing you can do to help, and the best thing you can do is get out of the way."


    I couldn''t help it, the comment spilled out before I could stop myself, "Ain''t that the truth."


    Luckily that did nothing but pull another laugh from duBois before he continued. "Over the course of this class, you''ll learn a variety of Skills. As this is a classroom setting, those obviously won''t be directly combat related skills, although some of them are indispensable in a fight or on a battlefield."


    He paused again, making sure none of us had any questions, then continued. "The first pair of Skills, like quite a few others in this course, are near identical Skills with the primary difference being targeting. Status, which gives you an objective measurement of your own condition and Skills, and Inspect, which does the same except you target it on someone else. Before we go any further, I''m going to make one thing very clear; you will be learning skills here at Phileo Heroic that are flat out illegal to use without the consent of your target or extenuating circumstances. Inspect is the first of those. Because someone always asks, Inspect can be used on a criminal you''ve witnessed committing a crime, or on non-sapient beings. Anything beyond that you''ll be explaining yourself to a tribunal, and you do not want that. Are we clear?"


    Led by us four ROTCs, the class chorused, "Yes, sir!"


    "Good. Now, let''s get started on Status. Now, I''m going to teach you the traditional Phileo Heroic version of Status; I''m aware some of you may have learned other versions, but if this one was good enough for Socrates, it''s good enough for me, and by extension you." He paused, closed his eyes and sighed, "Yes, Lancaster?"


    "Who doesn''t know Status? I''ve been using that since I was five years old!"


    DuBois nodded. "That''s a fair point, although as usual you''re too full of yourself to realize when you''re wrong. Status is one of the few effects that is a Spell, a Skill based on that Spell, and a globally available Spell effect. I strongly suspect that''s what you''ve been using, since the only Skills a Juvenile can use are inherent Racial ones, and precious few races have Status as a racial skill. None that I know of living here in Phileo City, and I take careful note of folks who can use the Status Skill, since those folks can also generally use the Inspect skill as well, and as I just noted that Skill has more illegal uses than legal ones. Cadet Driver?"


    "Where do globally available Spell effects come from?"


    "Good question, although it''s one I can''t answer specifically in all cases. In every case we have records of, globally available Spell effects are the result of an Archmage binding a spell to the Ley Line network of the world. Some of them aren''t truly global, either, although Status is, to the best of my knowledge, one of those."


    He paused again to scan for raised hands before continuing. "Now, I''m going to show you all the simplest, easiest to implement version of the Status Spell. I''ll be using gestures to shape the Mana, but pay more attention to the Mana than you do to my hands."


    He lifted one hand in front of him, fingers curled into a fist. He touched the top of that hand with the other hand''s index finger, drew it up a bit, then around in a circle three times, then back to his fist. "Did you all see how the mana binds itself together into first a circle, then a lens?"


    I hadn''t seen anything except him moving his hands, so I raised my hand, and when he nodded toward me, told him as much.


    "Are you in Remedial Mana Shaping?"


    I replied, "Yes, sir," just as Lancaster stage whispered, "Of course she is."


    "You sure those were tutors your daddy hired, Lancaster? Or were they just babysitters and he was too nice to tell you?" Points to Bill for Best Witty Comeback of the Day. DuBois lost any reply he would have made to holding in his own laughter, and Lancaster just spluttered more.


    "I really couldn''t see anything but your hands moving, sir. I seemed to get the hang of Mana projection during this week''s class though, so maybe I could project the mana to my hands and mimic your hand movements?"


    I''d never actually seen duBois get pissed before. Saffron actually half turned to face me and mouth ''what the fuck?'' before duBois said, in a carefully controlled voice, "What did you just say, Cadet Diaz?"


    Not knowing what I''d done wrong, I said, "I could mimic what..."


    DuBois interrupted me, "I''m normally not one to get upset by vulgarity or profanity, Diaz, but you''re pushing it. I suggest you don''t push it any further."


    I''m the first one to not make waves, but I had to know what I''d done wrong to avoid doing it again. "I don''t understand, sir?"


    He stared at me, almost like he was staring through me, then took a deep breath to calm himself. "I don''t know where you''re from, and frankly I don''t care. That particular verb isn''t one I''ll have said in my class."


    "Why?"


    He blinked, then scanned the class. "How many of you know the origin of that word?" About half of the class raised their hands, although some of them were a little tentative about it.


    "Okay then. It''s story time with Professor duBois then. Before I start, if any of you repeat this to any of the Sisters, I''m not only going to deny everything, I''m going to make you wish your momma and daddy had never met, got it?"


    The chorus of "Yes, sir!" came a lot clearer this time.


    "So, the short version. When the Dan met the Mor at Mag Tured, the Mor brought a great chest with them. The chest wasn''t just wood; it was magical wood from the lowest branches of Yggdrasil, bound together with Cold Iron, with great heavy Cold Iron chains wrapped around it and held in place by Bres. Balor of the Mor," without pausing his recitation, duBois curled one hand into a fist with his thumb tucked inside his index finger and waved it back and forth, "called upon the Dan to surrender, lest Bres release the chains and kill them all. When Lug asked Balor," again with the thumb thing, "what was in the box, Balor replied with a single word," here duBois did pause, looking around like a teacher about to say the N word, "Mimic."


    A few kids gasped as if stunned that a teacher would say such a thing. I nodded and tried to look appropriately contrite. "I''m sorry, sir. I didn''t know. Won''t happen again, sir."


    He stared at me again, but I kept up the fa?ade until he shrugged and said, "Better not, Diaz. I''ll have my eye on you."


    "I understand, sir. About the Status thing, can I just copy what you do with your hands?"


    He stopped and thought for a moment, "Might work, might not. I don''t teach any of the classes on Magic, because while I know how to do the stuff I know, I don''t know how all of it works, just that it does. Tell you what, for today you can try it, and I''ll let your Mana teacher know you need to learn that before next week."


    "Yes, sir!"


    What followed was nearly a day of everybody else doing something I couldn''t even see. By the end of the day, they were all trying to figure out how to turn Status into Inspect, even though duBois kept growling at them to practice Status until they didn''t have to think about it any more.


    I swear, this was worse than Trig. Not by much, but still.

 Day Nineteen

    Dear Diary,


    Okay, maybe I overreacted yesterday. Just because I have a skill named after a monster that makes incarnate Gods freak out doesn''t mean I''m a monster, let alone one that makes incarnate Gods freak out.


    Yeah, that sounds kinda weaksauce to me, too. I think I''m gonna ask someone about it, but not right now. In person would be better.


    Your girl can learn, see?


    Anyhow, I stayed awake late last night, reading ''Principles of Heroic Magick''. It turns out I hadn''t been far wrong with my thought about pushing Mana into my finger and tracing the pattern duBois showed us in class. The bit he didn''t emphasize, which meant I completely missed it, because my head is made out of solid rock that bullets bounce off of, is that I have to push my Mana just beyond my finger, not just to the tip of it. When I tried that, a few weird things happened.


    First and foremost, I felt a kind of pressure holding the Mana in, almost like somebody had put a glove on my hand, but one that wrapped around my entire body the moment I tried to push something through it.


    Second, whatever it was fell apart like a sock that had been bleached too many times less than a second later.


    This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it


    Third and finally, my finger left a glowing line in the air, almost like an afterimage of my finger. I whipped my finger around in the triple circle duBois showed us, but nothing happened. The glow faded the way afterimages do. All I''d done was make a pretty lightshow.


    Still, I''d made a pretty lightshow with nothing but my finger. It was somehow both cool and stupid at the same time.


    Staying up late was a mistake though. I''d have been late to class if it wasn''t for Marie knocking on my door with a late breakfast. For the two days prior, one of the ROTC kids had stopped by my room on the way to breakfast, but today I had my other class without them. ''Remedial Standardized Celtic'' is what it said on my schedule. ''Time served in Hell'' is more accurate.


    Seriously, imagine taking a remedial class in a language you already spoke, but couldn''t actually hear when people spoke it to you? Like, anything I heard I heard in English or maybe Spanish. Anything I said I said in whatever language the person listening to me understood. If they understood more than one language, I have no idea how my translation ability dealt with that. The only thing I needed to learn? How to write in ''Standardized Celtic''. Which is a bitch if you can''t even hear how the words are pronounced.


    At least I got Friday afternoon off. I thought about going out and getting my party on, but after shorting my sleep the night before and spending the morning in Hell, I wanted nothing quite so much as a nap, so I binged at lunch while the other three carried the conversation, what little of it there was, then slept through the afternoon.


    Honestly, I had no idea where to get my party on in Philly anyway, and wandering the streets at night just didn''t seem like a great idea.


    Yet another thing to add to my list of questions to be answered.

 Day Twenty

    Dear Diary,


    I can''t tell if duBois is my favorite or least favorite teacher. On the one hand, he calls Larry and the Layabouts on their bullshit, and he answers any questions we ask him, although if we get stupid about it he can get stupid right back. On the other hand, he pushes us. Hard. Sister Siobhan probably gets as much practice on Yard days as we do; when injuries are fixed in minutes rather than weeks, there''s a lot less reason to be quite so safety conscious, I guess.


    No squadball today, so we''d lined up more or less for nothing. Still, better safe than sorry. Once all the stragglers lined up, which to be fair didn''t take all that long, duBois started with his barking while he walked through the rows correcting the stances of some of the kids who hadn''t caught on yet.


    "While the odds that Heroes will engage in formation fighting approaches nil, the odds you''ll be tapped to train militia approaches unity. I''ll not have anyone trained by me be unable to train others, at least not for lack of knowledge. Before you ask, a formation isn''t just a bunch of fighters standing in lines. It''s a single entity, and the more you get everyone in the formation acting synchronously, the more they start acting like one. One lone person against a monster, an enemy Hero, or even an enemy troop? They''re going to get mowed down, no question. At best they''re three hundred pounds of muscle and steel, at worst they''re less than that. But get them to work as a single entity? Now you''re talking tons of muscle and steel, and even a Dragon is going to have to pay attention if they all charge at once. Do you all understand?"


    "Yes sir!" What, we''re supposed to say we don''t understand when he explains something that bluntly?


    "That''s why I''ve got you all getting used to standing in formation, and why in the future we''ll train in unit tactics and drill moving in formation. For now, though, I need to get you lot toughened up. Cadet Mac Conno!"


    Angel replied, "Yes, sir!"


    "You, Rider, Smith, Gardener, and Rogers go set up the obstacle course. Set up five lanes, I''ll come around and adjust things when you''re done setting up."


    "Yes, sir!" Angel shouted before dashing off for one of the sheds.


    This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.


    "Driver!"


    "Yes, sir!" said Bill


    "You, Lancaster, Diaz, and Rosen go get the weights and stands. Set them up on these four squares," he gestured, and four of the squares lit up, "and get started. Work in pairs, one spotting while the other lifts. Five sets of five, then switch."


    "Yes sir!" cried Bill, jogging towards the shed while Rosen and I sprinted ahead.


    "The rest of you, start taking laps. If you see somebody fall, check them and help them up. If you fall and can''t get up, wait for someone to help you."


    Now he raised his voice so the whole Practice Yard echoed, "If you''re injured more than a bruise or scrape, get down to your Infirmary. If you die," he smiled, and I now understood the term ''evil grin'', "walk it off."


    I teamed up with Bill for weight training. I felt a little bad for him; he wasn''t bad on the leg press, but when it came to bench presses he struggled just lifting the bar. I talked him through his sets, catching the bar when his arms went out on him. With that little upper body strength, he had problems doing anything more than the bar when it came to squats, until I came up with the brilliant idea of holding the bar while he went through the reps; he managed to get to half his leg press weight with us doing that.


    "Cadet, you realize helping Driver will wind up with him not being able to do it on his own, right?"


    "Yes, sir, but his problem is his upper body; he can''t really balance the bar or get it in position, but he can lift it once I get it there."


    Dubois looked less than thrilled, but eventually nodded. "Carry on."


    I lost track of how many sets we did; by lunch time Bill struggled to even lift the bar on squats, and he couldn''t even do that on the bench. Somewhere in there I got the bright idea to have him use a pair of dumbbells that weighed less than the bar in total. When duBois came by to check on us, he watched Driver go through his sets, looked at me, and nodded before moving on to berate Lancaster for not going down far enough on his squats.


    At lunch the ROTC table attacked the food like it shot our dog, not stopping until duBois settled in at the high table to eat his own lunch. We all bolted down whatever we''d started and sprinted back to the Practice Yard.


    DuBois stood there waiting for us, looking almost like he''d never left. If I hadn''t seen him just appear the other day, I''d swear he had a twin brother or something.


    The second half of my day I spent doing endless laps of the obstacle course. The first time duBois caught me going under a hurdle, I thought I was done for.


    "Diaz!"


    "Sorry, sir!"


    "You ought to be. You crawl under an obstacle like that in the field and you''re gonna get your ass shot off. I don''t care if you go over it, under it, or phase right through it, you need to do it FASTER. Do you understand?"


    "Sir, yes sir!" I shouted as I slid through the last hurdle and bolted for the next obstacle.


    By the end of the day I was too sore and tired to even wonder about what deviltry duBois had ready for tomorrow.

 Day Twenty One

    Dear Diary,


    I expected to wake up sore, but when Saffron knocked on my door well before breakfast like we''d planned the night before, I hopped out of bed with barely a twitch. Some aches in my arms and legs, but the kind of good ache that says you used your muscles, not the bad ache that says you''ve overused them. I didn''t bother to pull on yesterday''s togs just to open the door; what with it just being girls in the dorm, I figured I didn''t need to. Before you get all judgey and say something about Bill, I don''t know what Bill identifies as, but the dorm identifies him as a girl, and that''s good enough for me. Besides, y''know, crappiest Strength and Endurance. I''m not worried he''s going to overpower me and steal my virtue. Not like that really exists at this point, but still. Hell, best in class in Agility, even if I''m not into short guys with dad bods that might translate into some interesting contortions, y''know?


    Yeah, anyway, I pulled the door open enough to see Saffron. "Hey! I''m up! I''ll meet..."


    She cut me off, her gaze rising to meet mine as her face went red. "Tabitha! What the fuck?"


    I''d forgotten her eye level is right around tit level on me. Not that I really cared; I didn''t think Saffron swung that way. At any rate, she didn''t seem to appreciate the view, so I closed the door a bit before saying, "I''ll meet you guys in the Dining Hall as soon as I''m dressed, okay?"


    She rolled her eyes as she said, "Yeah, I''ll see you there." She sniffed a little as she turned, then said, "Nice perfume. I might want to borrow that some time."


    I closed the door before that conversation could go any further. Whether she liked the smell or not, I didn''t think she''d want to rub me all over herself just to smell like my body odor. Then again, it''d probably be more like me rubbing her under my arms, what with the size difference and all.


    Okay, I was a little late for breakfast.


    Anyhow, I got down there before the rest of the students finished filing into the Hall, made a beeline to our table and laid waste to half a dozen trays of food before duBois showed up. About halfway through, I spotted Marie at the next table over and popped out of my seat to talk to her.


    "Good Morning, Marie!"


    She turned to face me, her spine twisting way too far as she did so without moving her feet at all, or even moving the tray she held much. Then she just stared at me.


    "Could you please bring me a bath tonight after dinner?"


    A couple kids gave me weird looks about that, but fuck ''em. Marie nodded, and I went back to vacuuming up food as fast as I could stuff it in my mouth. After two weeks of stuffing myself, I still hadn''t put on anything approaching a paunch. My new metabolism rocked. I mean, it would rock more if I had a little more variety and a lot more spice in my diet, but gluttons can''t be choosers, I guess.


    As we''d done the previous Sunday, we bolted the moment duBois showed up in the Dining Hall. Somehow he beat us there anyhow, standing there in his usual spot, not a drop of sweat on him. Either he didn''t much care about breakfast or he''d eventually get pissed at us for cutting his meals short; either way I''d call it a win. We stood there At Ease until the rest of the class trickled in like half an hour after us. Just as the sun peeked over the edge of the walls around us, the Marshall stretched and shook his head. "Now that everyone''s here, or at least they should be here, let''s get started."


    The last set of running boots behind us went silent as we all snapped into Parade Rest at duBois'' announcement.


    "So, which of you Cadets can tell me why I had you play SquadBall last week, and why I''ll continue doing so on a regular basis?"


    Several hands shot up, including mine.


    "Cadet Rosen."


    "Because it''s good exercise, trains our ability to hit targets with thrown weapons, and squadballs are less likely to produce immediately fatal injuries than most other practice weapons?"


    DuBois pursed his lips and nodded. "All true, and all excellent reasons to play. Not what I was thinking of though. Anyone else?"


    Again the hands shot up; I''d left mine up.


    "Cadet Morson."


    One of the bigger guys in the class answered, his voice even deeper than the Marshall''s. "Because it tires us out and lets us vent some steam, so we''re able to focus on class the rest of the week?"


    The Marshall actually chuckled at that a little. "Not a good enough reason to put it on the rotation so frequently, but I''m also not going to say you''re wrong. Anyone else?"


    I didn''t hear any hands go up, but the kids I could see without turning my head left theirs up when duBois called on Morson.


    Stolen story; please report.


    "Aetos?"


    "It''s a good way to practice squad level tactics?"


    The Marshall actually smiled as he said, "Excellent! I don''t know if any of you have watched professional SquadBall, and I''m equally unsure how many of you have done so while watching the Mana flows on the field, but at that level instead of the simple marking Enchantments we use on our balls, they have mild paralysis Enchantments as well. Tanks wear vambraces which specifically negate the paralyzing effect, all the players have gloves that do the same, and any professional level Healer knows the Spell to remove the effect. Most of them have practiced it until it''s a Skill, as well."


    "Now, who can tell me why I won''t be using that type of equipment during any SquadBall rounds during Combat Training?"


    This one I didn''t have to guess at, I knew exactly why. My hand shot up along with a few others.


    "Cadet Lancaster?"


    "That equipment is expensive, and the school doesn''t want to pay for it?"


    That brought a frown to the Marshall''s face. "No, Lancaster. Not everything is about money, nor are poverty or miserliness the sole reasons someone doesn''t own something expensive." He looked across the formation for a moment before calling out, "Cadet Smith?"


    "We don''t know the Spell to remove the paralysis?"


    DuBois nodded, "Not the answer I''m looking for, but a good one nonetheless." He looked around, his gaze finally landing on me. "Cadet Diaz?"


    "Two reasons, sir. First, training should be harder than the thing you''re training for, and getting hammered by a ball is harder than getting paralyzed by one. The second reason, the one I think is probably righter, is because in the real world people are gonna be throwing meaner sh... things than paralysis spells."


    "Meaner shit indeed, Cadet. Honestly, playing with headbands and markers isn''t much harder than playing with professional equipment, but you''re right about training harder than you intend to fight. If the hardest fight you ever have in your career is one here in the Practice Yard at Phileo Heroic, I''ll consider your training successful. Now, Rider, Driver, Aetos, and Rogers go get all the Squadball equipment and bring it back to the middle of the field." With that, he gestured and glowing lines split the Yard into four quadrants, just like our previous games of SquadBall.


    We''d done pretty well last time, so we decided to stick with what worked today. Unfortunately, while Lancaster was an absolute loss as a team captain, his two cronies each had a team, and neither of them was quite as stupid as their leader. They''d switched to our two Healer setup, even putting whoever they thought strongest as their Tank. By lunchtime, we''d won more rounds than any other team, but we didn''t shut the others down like we''d done the week before. The final tally came out to six games for us, three for Rosen, and one for Rider. I really thought Lancaster''s team would mutiny at some point, but apparently whatever influence his money bought him extended to the kids on his team.


    At lunch, in between chowing down, Saffron and I talked quietly about how to change things up while Angel and Bill filled the air with noise. They sang a few songs, and I learned that Bill couldn''t carry a tune in a bucket. They shot ever more off-color ''yo mama'' jokes at each other, and while I didn''t get the references in half of them, Bill came out the pretty clear winner. Right around when it looked like duBois might be finished eating, we all stood and jogged up to the Practice Yard. No point in trying to outrun someone who could and would teleport up the moment we stood. The other Cadets all followed us, with Lancaster bringing up the rear, albeit not by that much. He cleared the doors just before I got into formation behind Saffron.


    For the afternoon match, we''d decided to go Tankless, with me switching to Caster and the others all remaining as they were. It worked pretty well, what with the opposing Tanks focusing on Angel''s frankly scary shots. She''d throw, and the opposition Tank would do whatever it took to get their forearms up and in the path of her throw. Meanwhile, once the Tank committed, I''d aim at their thighs. The first time I nailed Lancaster''s Tank, he screamed, "Time out! Time out!" as his Tank curled into the fetal position.


    "No time outs in battle, Lancaster!" replied the Marshall.


    "But she aimed below the belt!"


    Amusement filled the Marshall''s voice when he replied, "Y''know, I''m sure I told you that we weren''t playing pro SquadBall here in the Yard, didn''t I?"


    Things got more chaotic after that, since it''s really rough to get your forearms to cover your thighs, and if you did, you couldn''t cover your body as well. Oddly enough, our team didn''t suffer much at all from the change in the Rules of Engagement, since we''d gone Tankless for the afternoon. Catching a ball aimed below the belt is easier than blocking it with your forearms, not to mention moving one hand is easier than both arms.


    During a game roughly an hour before dinner, I rushed the line to nail Lancaster as he recovered from throwing a ball at someone else. His Tank dove into the way, and Lancaster threw a second ball he''d been holding at me before his Tank even cleared his line of fire. He managed to miss his Tank, and my fingers stung as the ball hammered into my hands. Nothing broke, but the ball bounced out of my hands and onto the ground, rolling across the line before I could catch it. Hoping no one would spot it, I jumped across the line, grabbed the ball, and jumped back.


    Lancaster saw it, of course, and screamed out, "She crossed the line! She''s offsides!"


    The Marshall''s voice filled the Yard when he replied, "I know I told you we weren''t playing by pro SquadBall rules, Lancaster. Suck it up."


    After that, things got really chaotic, with Casters charging into other quadrants to get better shots. Somebody figured out that if they stepped on the lines themselves, a warning buzzer would sound, and the perpetrator would receive a shock strong enough to floor them; on at least one occasion their Healer had to drag them off the line when they fell on it and couldn''t get themselves back up.


    Finally, in what I figured would be the last game of the afternoon, I went over the line to get a better shot at Lancaster. His Tank managed to dive in between us, and I winced at the crack when my throw hammered into his arms from point blank range. Lancaster, of course, threw as soon as he could see me past his Tank, and at that range even his noodle arms could throw hard enough for my fingers to go numb when the ball hit them. Before I could recover, he threw another, this one straight at my face. I wound up on the ground, blood gushing from my nose, and it was small comfort to see Lancaster hit the ground clutching at his crotch a second later when Angel nailed him from about six feet away.


    The Marshall had us escort each other to the Infirmary. I say ''escort'', but Lancaster whined so much I wound up carrying him.


    No princess carry for him, though. He squawked about my ''stinky'' ass being in his face all the way down to the entrance to the boy''s dorm, and squawked even more when I dumped him there like the sack of human garbage he was.

 Day Twenty Two

    Dear Diary,


    Last night after I got back from dinner, after I''d stripped down for bed, Marie knocked on my door, her cart loaded with bath stuff.


    I opened the door sans clothes, for the same reasons as I''d done in the morning, with one added reason; I''d spent the day going full out for SquadBall, and my uniform not only reeked of my body odor, sweat soaked it so much it squished. Just like my old body, I didn''t notice my own scent much, but when I noticed with this one my brain filled with visions of Wawa coffee in the fall. I can just hear you asking ''what the fuck is a Wawa'', so imagine if Starbucks had a love child with Seven Eleven. An unpretentious love child with better, cheaper coffee, food, and cheap milk by the gallon.


    Anyhow, my coffee shop preferences aside, the smell made me realize I hadn''t had caffeine since I arrived here in Phileo City. I hadn''t seen or smelled coffee or chocolate since then either; since I hadn''t gone into caffeine withdrawal, I could do without the coffee, but in another week or so the lack of chocolate might endanger people doing stupid things like ''talking to me'', ''interacting with me'', or ''being anywhere I could see or hear them''.


    I''d need Marie''s bath time TLC as often as I could convince her to dispense it, too.


    When I opened the door sans clothes, her eyes did the same double take pop open thing that Saffron''s had, but instead of getting red in the face, she just smiled. Extra creepy when coming from a seven foot albino with inch long claws and a mouth full of fangs. Creepy or not, I needed a bath, so I pulled the door open and let her in. She closed it gently behind her, then turned and set the bath tub down in the middle of the room. I remembered last week, so I climbed in and sat down, leaning forward when she approached with the first kettle.


    This time I knew what to expect, and while near scalding water is still near scalding, it felt good on muscles I''d used and used hard over the past two days. This time she ran the soapy cloth over my shoulders before starting on my hair. She''d picked a new soap, too, one I tried to place as she alternated between scrubbing my hair, massaging my scalp with her fingertips, and skritching my head and combing her claws through my hair. I think I might have fallen asleep for a bit, because the second kettle of steaming water surprised me and had me spluttering a little. I placed the scent of the soap as she massaged my scalp a second time; Honey. I supposed it ought to go well with my natural scent. Leave it to creepy darling Marie to pay attention to details like that. She scrubbed my back down with her pumice stone, massaging my shoulders with her other hand.


    "Hard," she murmured.


    "I''ve been working out. Please don''t stop, that feels heavenly."


    As she massaged away tension I hadn''t realized I had, I slumped over my knees, mind drifting with the heat and relaxation. Another kettle of water rinsed away the current round of suds, Marie''s other hand on my forehead sheltering my face from the deluge. I didn''t even flinch when she gently pulled me back and reached around with the washcloth to wash my front. She started with my arms and the front of my shoulders. By the time she reached my breasts I didn''t even twitch, I couldn''t bring myself to break whatever spell Marie had cast with her magic soap and water. A question floated to mind, and as she washed away the sweat from under my tits I muttered, "Hey Marie, if it''s not too much to ask, who''s your Patron?"


    She froze for the tiniest of moments before resuming her gentle cleaning and quietly answering, "Dionysus."


    That knowledge trickled back into my brain, and just before she moved below my belly my subconscious fired off every alarm bell in my being; my eyes snapped open and I barely refrained from making any sudden movements. Moving slowly to avoid startling her, I touched Marie''s soapy wrist and said, "I''ll take care of the rest, Marie."


    Some of you might not get it, but back at Eastside the library held a few relics from Camden''s heyday, big old tomes printed in the fifties and sixties about anything considered ''academic'' at the time. That included an absolute doorstop about mythology, and the biggest section focused on the Greek gods, with every single deity worshipped in Greece having their own chapter in that section. Most people hear ''Dionysus'' and think booze and parties. That''s not wrong, but it''s in no way complete. Dionysus Bacchus, God of Revels, Dionysus Orpheus God of Reincarnation, Dionysus Zagreus God of mostly-female Orgies, Dionysus Sparagmos God of ripping people the fuck apart while they''re still alive. Sort of a lady-boner-killer, that last one, especially paired up with Marie white of tooth and claw.


    Marie knelt behind me while I washed my legs, stood with me as I rose to scrub between my legs, and dumped the last kettle of water over me after I handed her the pumice stone and washcloth. I turned to face her, smiling sheepishly to avoid giving her too much encouragement. "Sorry, I think I kinda fell asleep there for a moment. I really needed that. Thanks."


    She stared into my eyes long enough to make it weird, then nodded and said, "de nada," before pulling out a towel and rubbing me dry just like she''d done last week. Once she''d dried me to her satisfaction, she gestured to the chair, and I sat while she combed out my hair. That done, she packed up her cart and left. Just before the door closed, she turned her face to me and smiled, a gentle, quiet, reassuring smile. It would have been a lot more reassuring had she not turned her neck almost a hundred eighty degrees to do it.


    I needed a lot of help getting to sleep after all that.


    I woke to Marie knocking on my door with a cart of food not unlike the one she''d brought on my first Monday. After she left, I tore into it, devouring everything edible on the cart over the course of about thirty minutes. Food taken care of, I dressed in my good underthings and my best, most comfortable uniform; the one where the tailoring matched my shape the best. I walked over to the door, put my hand on the handle, took a deep breath, turned the knob and pushed. Instead of the faint ''click'' I remembered from two weeks ago, the door made a sickeningly organic crunching noise, but the handle turned and the door opened.


    I strode to the front doors trying to look like I owned the place. It seemed to work, because nobody stopped me until I hit the door guards. "Good Morning, Cadet Diaz. Headed out?"


    I nodded. "Heading to South Street, then the market down on South Ninth."


    He nodded in response, noting down my destination on his clipboard. "Will you be requiring an escort?"


    "No, I''m good. I''ll be sure to stop by or send a message if I decide to go somewhere else."


    "Very good, Cadet. Have a nice walk."


    I nodded and headed out the door.


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    Right before I left the park in front of the school, a guy sitting on a bench reading a paper stood and turned to walk beside me.


    "So, how was your week?" he asked.


    I struggled to hold back my more biting comments about startling me, then replied with a simple, "had a few questions for you that I saved for today."


    He laughed, his form shimmering as we walked until he became the same Loki I''d seen last week.


    "Okay, first question, before we get anywhere populated. What''s a Mimic?"


    I almost didn''t notice his twitch, but his answer came slower than I''d become accustomed to, especially since he''d answered questions I hadn''t even spoken aloud.


    "That... depends on who you''re asking," he held up one hand before I could call him out on being evasive. "I mean that literally. For the bulk of the local pantheon, Mimic is an apocalyptic legend. You''re familiar with Jormungandr and Fenris, correct?"


    Who knew I''d get so much use out of an out of date textbook I read to kill time back at Eastside. "Yeah, I think so."


    "Okay, what about Nemesis?"


    That took a moment as I cudgeled my brain into giving up the info. "Greek goddess, uh... don''t remember much about her."


    "Fair. The Greeks don''t advertise her Portfolio, which is retribution against those who have mucked about with the divine balance of the world."


    I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye as we walked. "Isn''t ''divine balance'' just another way of saying ''the way the gods want it''?"


    He nodded, but smiled when he replied, "believe it or not, no. The father figure of any given pantheon rarely wants what the trickster wants, for example. At any rate, the gods themselves can disturb the balance worse than any mortal, which is one of the reasons for the Pact preventing any of us from incarnating here on Earth."


    I just stared at him, not even bothering to hide my disbelief nor think about the reason for it. He broke out into giggles. "Trickster. Also, I''m really careful about what I do while I''m here."


    "If you don''t follow the Pact, why do you care about what you do down here?"


    "Well, not only might it sully my already shitty reputation amongst my fellows, I don''t want to find out what it feels like to get punched in the nuts by Nemesis."


    I nodded, "fair point. What''s this got to do with Mimic?"


    We''d reached the Boulevard proper by this point, and given the later hour of the day, weren''t the only foot traffic. "Please watch your phraseology, Tabitha. Not only is that word likely to provoke unfortunate responses from random passersby, you might actually garner their notice."


    "The passersby?"


    He rolled his eyes, "No. The M word. I feel stupid referring to them that way like a superstitious mortal, but better to feel stupid than feel an abundance of pain."


    "Why are you afraid they''ll notice?"


    "Do you know what Nemesis, Jormungandr, and Fenris all have in common?"


    I thought about it for a bit before replying, "They can hurt Gods?"


    A rueful smile accompanied his next words. "They can kill gods."


    "Didn''t you kill Baldr?"


    "Gods have weaknesses, yes, and some of them can be killed by those weaknesses. In most cases, they can be brought back given the right circumstances as well. A God struck down by Nemesis'' blade, Jormungandr''s poison, or Fenris'' digestive tract is just dead; weaknesses don''t matter, revivification isn''t possible, they''re just fuckin'' dead and gone, their power dispersed according to the nature of the killer."


    We walked a bit more while I chewed over what he''d said so far. When we''d made it most of the way to South Street I said, "Since I doubt you''d bring up something completely irrelevant, I''m guessing the M word can kill gods as well?"


    Loki nodded. "Yes, although that''s just the first bit of why they''re so feared and reviled. When I said ''the power is dispersed'', the power of those dying by Nemesis'' blade reinforces the balance, making it that much harder to tip it. For those dying by Fenris'' maw, their power fertilizes the soil when he shits it back out. When one dies to Jormungandr''s poison, their power is destroyed. Nobody likes that one, let me tell you. Wanna guess what the M word does with it?"


    I only had one guess, "just like Jormungandr? That''s a hell of a name to stick a kid with, you know."


    "Tell his mother. Also, no. They take it."


    I blinked. "You mean, like, ''anything you can do I can do better'' kind of taking it?"


    "I''m not sure. Much like my children, they were bound long before they might have done anything of the sort. For much the same reason, and that''s the third reason M is so hated. Prophecies from multiple pantheons point to M as the one who will end them. In the case of the Dan and the Mor, the words used were ''cast them down from on high''."


    "Yeah, I can see where they''d want to avoid that. What about the Norns?"


    "Bring Justice to the Unjust."


    "That doesn''t sound too bad."


    "Do you find the courts Just?"


    Didn''t even have to think about that. "Not really, no."


    "What about Lawyers?"


    Again, not a brain teaser, "Nope."


    "So what about the God of Lawyers?"


    "Oh! Yeah, I can see where that might be a problem." I chewed on that information for a bit, then asked, "what about the other reason?"


    "M is a shapeshifter. Shapeshifters tend not to be trusted."


    I stopped and looked him square in the eye. "Aren''t you a shapeshifter?"


    He shrugged and kept walking, answering as I caught back up, "I didn''t say they weren''t trustworthy, just that they aren''t trusted. I mean, some of the native ones, especially the ones that aren''t really worshipped as Gods? Yeah, those sick fucks give the rest of us a bad name."


    I understood people being prejudiced based on something you had no control over. Looked like even some of the Gods themselves had to deal with racist bullshit, and god killers and shapeshifters were the divine undesirables. I shook my head at the stupidity of it.


    "Yeah, okay, I kinda get it now. Couple other things are itching at me, I could use a hand with."


    "Name your woes, and as your Patron I shall do my best to assist you with vanquishing them."


    I took a second to put my thoughts in order, then said, "In no particular order, I can''t see other people''s magic the way my classmates seem to be able to, I can''t write in Standardized Celtic. I can read it, but I can''t write it, and I have no idea why. Oh, I could also use some spending cash for the days I have the afternoons free."


    "Should not one with my Patronage be able to take what they like without anyone the wiser?"


    I rolled my eyes at him, "I mean, if we''re talking about somebody who can spare it, sure. But roach coaches barely make a profit as is, I''m not gonna steal something from someone like that. Same goes for most of the people who buy food from them. If they could afford better, they''d be buying it."


    He smiled at me. "A noble sentiment indeed." He handed me a small purse that hadn''t been there a moment before. "That should be enough for lunches and knicknacks, if you want something more I''d prefer you acquire it yourself, as one with my Patronage should."


    "Oh, I''ll go all Robin Hood if some rich asshole really deserves it. What about the magic and the language thing?"


    He nodded, still smiling as if my Robin Hood reference amused him. "Just a moment." He reached out and touched my arm. I''m not sure what he intended to do, but a frown crept over his face.


    I had a hard time seeing it, as a pop up window filled the center of my vision.


    Mimic? (Y/N)


    Nope, no, nein, nyet, ¨©e, negatory even.


    I''m not enough of an idiot to try to trick the trickster right in front of his face. Really I''m not. Oh, fuck off, I can have a moment of near non-idiocy once in a while.


    The pop up blinked away just as Loki said, "that''s not happened before. Odd."


    I tried my best to look confused, as if nothing had happened. "What do you mean?"


    He smiled the easy smile of a trickster in his element. "Oh, nothing. Just call on me when you need either of those things and I will aid you."


    "Cool. Can we just shoot the shit and see the sights for the rest of the day?"


    "I''ve nothing pressing."


    "Great!" I paused a moment, hoping to sound like I''d just thought of something. "Hey, do you know any places I can get my dance on tonight?"


    He laughed and beckoned me down the street. We spent the rest of the day meandering through South Phileo City; half of it I recognized with pangs of homesickness, the other half I stared at in open wonder.


    In the evening I found out that not only is my Patron the God of Tricksters, he''s also the ultimate Fake ID.


    Momma Diaz'' little girl had her drink on when she stumbled back up the steps to PCHA well after dark. The front door made that same crunching noise as my dorm room door did in the morning, but I barely noticed as I stepped through the door only to come face to face with Marshall duBois and two other people way too old and out of uniform to be Cadet.


    "You''ve got some explaining to do, young woman."

 Day Twenty Three

    Dear Diary,


    I didn''t get much sleep last night. I think that defeats the purpose of wanting me to take a day of rest or whatever Devotions are supposed to be, but I gotta keep reminding myself, no matter the skin tone or friendliness of the folks I''m dealing with, a lot of them are, functionally, entitled rich folks.


    So I got back and got ambushed in the entryway by Marshall duBois, Sister Trease the House Mother, and Headmaster Miles.


    Sister Trease had brown skin with slightly lighter brown eyes and slightly darker brown hair, what I could see of it poking through the edges of her habit. Beyond that, she had the most unfortunate face I''d ever seen. Not deformed or anything, just masculine, and not in a good way. I guessed she compensated by keeping her cosmetics and habit perfect; nobody naturally had eye shadow or lips that color. I mean, nobody I''d seen so far. At any rate, she glared at me like I''d just shat in the entryway.


    Headmaster Miles, on the other hand, wore a beatific smile, the kind of thing you''d expect to see on Mister Rogers or a kindly grandmother. He had skin just a touch lighter than Trease''s, his eyes a brown dark enough to get mistaken for black. He wore a charcoal gray suit in the same style I''d seen worn by guys riding past in open topped carriages. He held a clipboard loosely in one hand, I assumed the door guard''s list of comings and goings.


    "Well? What do you have to say for yourself, child?" snipped Terese in a tone of voice usually reserved for misbehaving toddlers and pets.


    Before I could cudgel my alcohol fuzzed brain into formulating a coherent answer, Headmaster Miles cut in with, "Now, now, Terese. I''m sure she felt she had a good reason for going out." When he turned to meet my gaze I lost any comfort I''d gotten from his support. This guy didn''t need to get loud or snippy or red faced to let you know you''d disappointed him. "That said, we really would like to hear your reason."


    "Uh... Devotions?" I regretted it as soon as the word left my mouth. The Marshall rolled his eyes and looked away from me, the Headmaster shook his head in gentle reproof, and after a shocked gasp, Terese barked out, "Do not be flippant with us, child! Diana requires nothing outside of these walls for her Devotions!"


    DuBois opened his mouth to say something, but I beat him to it with a snapped, "I never said Diana''s my Patron."


    "So you lied to Sister Siobhan? Typical Bag." Trease might be brown skinned, but her attitude was pure entitled Karen.


    "Racist much? I said I wanted Mondays off. She''s the one who wrote down Diana."


    The Headmaster nodded sagely, like I''d said something wise rather than mouthing off some half-drunk bullshit. "It is the most common assumption, as there are few followers of any other moon goddess here in Phileo City. Yet there is still the issue of you leaving your room on your day of Devotion; I overlooked your outing last week, since you might well be procuring the materials for your shrine, not knowing the school would provide them had you asked."


    "Mighty white of you. I still don''t wanna be locked in a box."


    Headmaster Miles didn''t even acknowledge the first part of my statement, "You''ve shown no other signs of claustrophobia." He shook his head, as if clearing it of errant thoughts, "still, that is all a tangent. If Diana isn''t, which moon deity is your Patron?"


    Before I could answer, Trease spoke over me, "Why bother, Miles. She''s clearly just going to lie to us again."


    This bitch really got on my nerves. "The man asked me a question, Sister." While she spluttered at my tone, I turned to Miles and said, "Loki."


    "See! See! This guttersnipe can''t help but try to lie her way out of everything. I vote for immediate expulsion."


    "I''m not lying, and why would I be expelled?"


    "Because you''re lying guttersnipe Bag trash who doesn''t belong in these hallowed halls!" She stepped toward me, stiffening as if she intended to do more than just scream. Before she''d taken a second step, the Marshall laid a hand on her shoulder, stopping her as surely as if she''d been anchored to the spot.


    "Calmly, Trease. I believe the Headmaster was about to say something."


    She swallowed her next bout of bile and nodded, taking half a step back to cede the floor to the Headmaster.


    "That is an extraordinary claim, Tabitha. As for expulsion, refusing Devotional time is an offense which can be punished by expulsion. Staying out after curfew without permission or reason is another, should it be repeated too often. Finally, moral turpitude is an acceptable reason to expel a Cadet, and given that you''re clearly inebriated, that might apply, depending on how badly you''ve besmirched our institutions reputation while drinking in uniform."


    "One, these are the only decent clothes I''ve got. Two, I wasn''t refusing Devotions, I was with Loki all day. Three, I wasn''t besmooching anybody today, I just had a few before he walked me back."


    At ''with Loki all day'', Trease''s face went pale and she tensed up. When I admitted to having a few drinks, she shrugged off duBois'' hand, stepped forward, and slapped me across the face. Given that I''d taken at least two SquadBall hits to the face, her open handed slap barely fazed me, and wouldn''t have done even that much had I been sober.


    "Trease! Return to your rooms at once!" I''d not heard the Headmaster''s angry voice before, apparently, but what it lacked in volume it made up for in sheer outraged authority.


    The Sister stiffened. "Why?"


    "We do not strike Cadets, Sister."


    "She isn''t even a Cadet. She''s a floozy in uniform, about to be expelled!"


    Headmaster Miles'' voice returned to its former calm yet firm tones. "That remains to be seen, and until such time as she is formally expelled, you will treat her as a Cadet. Now, return to your rooms, unless you''d like me to start looking for a new House Mother for the Ladies'' dormitory?"


    Trease huffed and puffed, resembling nothing so much as an outraged water buffalo, then turned and stomped off in the direction of the girls'' dorm.


    "Now, Cadet, you''ve made some extraordinary claims. Care to show us some proof?"


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    I thought half a second, then said, "doors locked?"


    He nodded, understanding my meaning immediately. "Yes, although there are multiple Spells and Skills that could bypass those locks."


    I snorted. "I''m in fuckin'' Remedial Mana Shaping, remember?" Then I turned around, almost losing my balance as I did so, and walked over to another of the half dozen doors. I pushed it open with a now familiar crunch, stepped out, stepped over to yet another door, crunched it open, and walked back over to where the Marshall stood, trying unsuccessfully to hold in his laughter.


    "That''s... interesting, but not proof that you are in fact a worshipper of Loki."


    I spun to face him, only turning a little too far. "Hey, hey, hey! I didn''t say I worshipped him. He and I have an understanding. He''s my Patron, I''m his," I shrugged. "Devotee, I guess."


    "While your ability to bypass our very expensive locks is, as noted, impressive, it is not proof you are a follower of Loki, nor that you have spent the past two Devotional days with him."


    I shook my head, suddenly wanting nothing more than my bed and an end to the bullshit. "Yo, Loki, could you provide Miles here some proof?"


    My Patron''s voice filled my head, and from the looks on their faces, the Headmaster''s and the Marshall''s as well. "While listening to her pull off a perfect deception by telling you the truth in such a fashion that you would never believe her has been hilarious, I would be a poor Patron indeed if I did not even acknowledge my... devotee. Tabitha Diaz has spent her past two Devotional days attending to her duties to me, which should be all you need to know."


    Once the echoes in our heads died down, Marshall duBois let out a hearty guffaw. "Looks like she''s got you there, Miles."


    The Headmaster slowly closed his eyes, then raised a single hand to rub at his temples with his thumb and pinky. With his other hand he waved in the direction of the Ladies'' dorm. "Just... get to your room Cadet. You''ve got class early tomorrow."


    I stumbled back to my cell, staggered around Marie''s cart, and collapsed into my bed fully dressed.


    Marie woke me in the morning, a weird cocktail of emotions fleeting across her face when I opened the door. Frustration, surprise, and relief were the ones prominent enough to get past my hangover. I gave her cart back and thanked her; she brushed her fingertips across mine as I pushed the cart out of the room. Then she left, enigmatic as always.


    I got to breakfast late, telling the others between bites that I''d answer questions about my disappearance tomorrow.


    When I got to Remedial Mana Shaping, the moment my ass hit the seat the teacher greeted me with, "Good Morning, Cadet Diaz. Marshall duBois tells me you need help learning the basics of the Status spell?"


    "Uh, yeah. Can''t make it go."


    They nodded, their expression radiating calm reassurance. "Show me what you''ve learned so far, so I might know where your failure points lie."


    I squinted at them, my headache telling me ''failure'' and ''lies'' were subtle digs, but their face betrayed nothing. I shrugged. "Okay." I lifted my right hand, pushed my mana just a bit out until I saw it glow, then whipped it around in a triple circle. "See? Fancy light show, no Status."


    They stared at me, shock and horror clear on their face as they whipped their hands around in two different complex patterns. The desks and chairs around me scraped across the floor as they and the students in them got pushed away from me, and a shimmering globe surrounded me.


    "The fuck?"


    The instructor took a deep breath before responding. "I apologize for the caution, Cadet, but putting enough raw Mana into the air that some of it spontaneously decays into light is dangerous, to put it mildly. I''m fairly certain that as it is your own personal Mana, it is unlikely to harm you, but if it grounded out in one of the other Cadets or myself, I can guarantee no such thing."


    I shook my head to clear it and immediately regretted it. Through the spiking haze, I muttered, "uh, so kinda like radiation; if there''s enough that it glows, that''s bad?"


    "Yes. Very. Now, that''s not to say some powerful Spells or Enchantments do not give off light, but in those cases the bulk of the Mana is contained, dedicated to a purpose, and the light is simply a byproduct of the magic''s power. But... to have enough raw undirected Mana that it glows? A clear sign of danger."


    I slumped back into my seat. "So you can''t help me?"


    They actually looked offended. "Of course I can, and will. I simply needed to shield myself and your fellow students before we continue. Now, could you do that again?"


    I did my little light show again, and they nodded almost immediately. "I see the problem, Cadet. Or, rather, problems."


    "Shit. I''m doing it that wrong?"


    They shook their head. "Oh, no. Well, you are doing multiple things wrong, but none of them are insurmountable. First and foremost, the Status spell requires both hands. One hand places the mana, the other holds it in place."


    I cudgeled my poor brain to get it to remember exactly what Marshall duBois had done, but time, alcohol, and frustration ganged up to deny me. "Could you show me, please?"


    They nodded and proceeded to do the whole Spell, one hand fisted in front of them, thumb up, the other tracing a line up about a foot, circling three times, then back down to their thumb.


    "Now, try that again."


    I nodded just a little, my poor hungover brain not liking that even a little, and did the whole deal, both hands where they ought to be. Still no Status, although the afterimage seemed to stay a little longer.


    "Excellent. Your handwork is well within the tolerances of the spell. Now the second problem is that you are using far more Mana than you need to, but I''m not sure that would prevent the Spell from working. The third is that you''re moving a bit quickly; but I expect that''s related to the final problem; how you''re directing the mana. You''re just pushing it a tiny bit beyond your finger, correct?"


    "Uh, yeah."


    "That''s the problem; what you need to do is create a tracery of Mana in the shape your finger is tracing. Imagine the air to be parchment, and your Mana is the ink you''re sketching upon it with."


    I blinked a little at that, but figured they were the expert. I held my left hand up in the thumb up fist like they''d done, put my right index finger on my thumb, and pushed my mana out of it just a tiny bit. It sparked a little, the mana jumping to my thumb until I focused and dragged my finger slowly upward, focusing on leaving a trail of mana as I did so. By the third circle sweat dripped out of my hair, but I forced it to hold still and brought my finger back down to my thumb. The moment I touched finger to thumb I let off on holding it exactly as I''d ''drawn'' it, and the whole thing twisted through some other dimensions than the normal three, forming something like a mirror in front of me with the crackle-snap of an electrical short circuit.


    In the mirror hovered a pair of pop up boxes like my ''Mimic'' boxes, except these two were bigger, shaped more like an information dialog than an interactive popup. One hid mostly behind the other, but I could read the tops of both. I reached out and pushed the one in front to the side, and it switched places with the other. A quick scan of the information showed me nothing I really wanted to reveal to my classmates, and plenty of stuff I felt like I dared not.


    "So, it seems to have worked, yes?"


    I nodded absently, focusing on the least damning bit of information I could see on either Status box. "Uh, it says here I''m a Juvenile? The fuck?"


    "Well, if your Status spell marks you that way, then you are. As I alluded to last class, much of magic is subjective; for whatever reason your own Mana sees you as a Juvenile."


    Crap. After I''d gone and pissed off the House Mother, the Headmaster, and maybe even the Marshall to stay in the school, too. "I guess that means I''m not gonna stay a Cadet?"


    They blinked, confusion briefly painting itself across their features. "Why would you think that? There is no rule saying a Cadet must be an Adult. Now, given the policies of Phileo City, which are of course followed by its Heroic Academy, you will not be able to graduate to full Hero status until you are in fact an Adult, but there is no reason whatsoever that you cannot begin your training as a Juvenile."


    I breathed out a sigh of relief, and they said, "Now, I''m going to keep that protective bubble around you so you can practice your Status spell for the rest of class. Take your time, and see if you can, ah, reduce the amount of Mana you''re using, if possible. Carry on, Cadet."


    With that they turned to try and help Carruthers, leaving me to my own devices for the rest of class.


    By the time lunch rolled around, I was too exhausted to even think about going out and buying a blanket the way I''d planned. After demolishing enough food to stun my jaded ROTC crew, I stumbled back to my room, stripped my sweat soaked uniform off, and collapsed into bed. I fell asleep before my head even hit the pillow.

 Day Twenty Four

    Dear Diary,


    I should have guessed doing Mana work would push me way more than physical exercise. While I''d never been a jock back at Eastside, my Phileo City body started out in pretty good shape, so Physical Training was tough, but not quite as brutal as it might have been. I mean, even back at Eastside I knew how to run. I didn''t do it unless the cops were chasing me, but I knew how. Using Mana, on the other hand, wasn''t something I''d ever done, and apparently my new body hadn''t prepped for it either.


    So I woke up to Saffron knocking to wake me up with my room absolutely reeking of Pumpkin Spice. My hangover went away some time overnight, so I hopped out of bed, skipped over to the door, and pulled it partway open to tell Saffron, "I''m up!"


    She goggled and her face went red before her gaze snapped up to meet my eyes. "Really, Diaz?"


    She sounded aggravated, but I noticed the tiniest touch of a smile at one corner of her mouth. "Hey, you''re doing me a favor waking me up, I gotta return it somehow."


    She rolled her eyes and walked off with a, "see you at breakfast," shaking her head as she went.


    I pushed the door shut, pulled on a fresh uniform, dumped my stanky ones in the laundry chute, and headed down to the Dining Hall. I got there just as the serving crew let us in, and attacked the morning''s offerings as was my wont. No idea why, but I downed like four pitchers of water and still felt a little thirsty.


    In Geography Doc DeLeon gave us a pop quiz on the Phileo City region before diving into the day''s lesson on New Amsterdam and its surrounding area. Much like New York City, New Amsterdam had spilled off the island of Manhattan, although here Newark was, like Camden Yards, a client state. We got a bit of history mixed in, as apparently the other boroughs originally had their own governments, but New Amsterdam more or less conquered them through a mix of diplomacy and economic warfare. Just like back home, Manhattan had mad stacks of cash to throw around; not only because of the port and trade, but the House of Orange from the Low Countries moved to New Amsterdam about three hundred years previously when the entire area got damn near burned to the ground by, get this, English Pirates.


    Apparently in the here and now, the English never got around to conquering their neighbors, and instead focused entirely on a level of piratical raiding that put the Vikings to shame, hitting everywhere from Scandinavia to fuckin'' Palestine. Three hundred years ago the House of Orange, who wanted to get their trade on, decided to sponsor a multi-national naval force to wipe the English out once and for all, but the English caught on and hit the ships and caravans carrying the money to the other City-States they''d wrangled into helping them.


    I ferreted that out of DeLeon''s lecture as well; apparently ''nations'' weren''t really a thing here. Ethnicities and all the racism that went with them, sure. Cultures, yeah. But the biggest governmental authorities seemed to be at the level of City-States, not unlike what I''d read about Classical Greece back at Eastside. Most of the North American First Peoples still got fucked over, but down in Central America the locals actually had things the Europeans saw as Cities rather than ''towns'' or ''villages'' or ''shit ripe for conquering''.


    It meant that, at least in Phileo City, being a Hero wasn''t the equivalent of being on the City Council, it was closer to being a fuckin'' Senator, Supreme Court Justice, and General all wrapped into one. Power never really put my nethers in an uproar back at Eastside, so I assume that has something to do with my new body.


    Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.


    Then again, nobody from Camden ever really got close to real power, so maybe I''d always been like this.


    Anyway, lunch was lunch, and during World Cultures DeLeon had us memorizing stats on the groups that lived in New Amsterdam. Apparently New Amsterdam and Phileo City had a whole frenemies thing going on; both big ports, both pretty cosmopolitan, each other''s closest neighbor, yada, yada, yada. A thin line of ''unclaimed territory'' ran between them, and apparently Heroes from both cities meeting in the middle and doing everything from boning like rabid weasels to killing each other on sight was pretty commonplace. They''d mostly given up on outright warfare, though, because just like back home when wars happened, the cannon fodder came from the cheap seats, and it turned out the folks from Camden Yards got along way too well with the folks from Newark to listen to the whole ''go kill those guys'' commands. Apparently the last time they''d tried, marching both armies to the middle, meeting right between Princeton and New Brunswick? The armies all went AWOL the night before the battle to have a big assed party with hooch and food they''d stolen from the officer''s messes on both sides.


    The Powers That Be, both the House of Orange and the Phileo City Council, got the message loud and clear, and there hadn''t been any outright warfare between the two since, but there was a sort of constant frequently lethal bickering between them. On the other hand, every time one of them got attacked by another City State, the other jumped in like they were ride-or-die crew. Sort of a ''nobody fucks with them but us'' situation, which meant Phileo City had way more in common at a subconscious cultural level with Philly and Camden than I''d previously realized.


    At one point, when DeLeon asked if we had any questions, I remembered something from the night before and my hand shot up.


    "Yes, Cadet Diaz?"


    "What''s it mean when someone''s Race is listed as ''Hybrid'' on their Status?"


    DeLeon looked a little scandalized at the question, but to his credit, he made a good show of answering it. "That means that the person in question is a child of two races."


    "Or more?"


    His face actually got a little flushed at that, but he gamely answered, "Yes, two or more, although frankly I don''t recall hearing of that happening anywhere but on the Thames."


    I couldn''t just let it go, because I had another question for him, "So we went over Human and Dan and Bag last week, but where are the Vanir from?"


    This time he looked a little startled, like I''d changed gears on him a little too quickly, but this question didn''t mortify him for some reason. "The Vanir are one of the two deific races who preside over the majority of Scandinavia. As such, a substantial number of the inhabitants of the Scandinavian City-States identify as Vanir or Aesir, although much like those who identify as ''Dan'' here in Phileo City, they are typically Humans with some Vanir or Aesir blood."


    "Really? Cool." As I acknowledged his answer, another question popped into my head. "If the Vanir, Aesir, and Dan are all part deific, what are the Bag?"


    While we''d gone over what you might think of as ''race specific statistics'' of the Bag last week, we hadn''t really touched on their history. I hadn''t really thought much of it at the time, because even though we did go over some Dan history, I just took it as more colonizers bragging about colonizer bullshittery, but now I''d gotten curious.


    DeLeon looked like he''d just swallowed a bee, but he rallied once again, "Both the Dan and Bag originate in Eire, but both groups migrated in different directions during their histories before returning to the island. The Dan, as we studied last week, migrated northward, living for a while in the settlements of the Aesir." Here the teacher took a deep breath, like he wanted to get the rest out in one go. "The Bag, on the other hand, migrated south, then east along the coast of Europa. They travelled as far as Troy before feeling the call of their ancestral homeland and returning. Where the Dan may have cohabitated and intermingled their lines with the Aesir, the Bag primarily found themselves... involved... with the supernatural races in the locals they visited. Often showing a propensity for," at this point I shit you not he wiped a hand across his forehead, "more bestial races."


    I couldn''t let the poor guy hang there waiting for the other shoe to drop after he''d answered me without any of the bullshit like Trease would have given me. "Thank you sir, that answers my question."


    It did, too.


    The Bag weren''t just Phileo City''s Brown People.


    They were, apparently, this world''s Furries.

 Day Twenty Five

    Dear Diary,


    Marshall duBois and Sister Siobhan tag teamed Basic Heroic Skills today. In the morning half of the class, he had us working on Status again, and in the afternoon Sister Siobhan showed us how to do a few basic Healing spells. My Remedial Mana teacher showed up before class to make me my very own Special Education Mana Working Bubble.


    Of course Lancaster started whining not five minutes into duBois working with us on Status.


    "I know this! I''ve known how to do this since I was five years old! Why can''t you teach us Inspect?"


    I swear I felt my desk rumble with a subsonic growl before the Marshall slowly drew himself up to his full height and turned to face Larry. All three of my ROTC crew, every Camden Yards kid, and even a few others went deathly silent and still as he did so.


    "Lancaster, I swear to every god I''ve ever heard of that if you do not begin treating your Instructors and fellow Cadets with the respect due them, you will curse your ancestors for ever leading to your birth. Do. You. Understand. Me?"


    Apparently Lancaster had the survival instincts of a suicidal lemming, because he opened his mouth to respond with something other than the appropriate ''yes, sir''. Rosen and Rider weren''t nearly as clueless; Rosen''s hand clapped over Lancaster''s mouth, his other arm grabbing him in a headlock, while Rider stood up and near shouted, "Understood, Marshall duBois, Sir!"


    Sister Siobhan chose that moment to intervene, standing from where she''d been observing my Status practice and saying, "Marshall, you''ve scared the poor Cadets." She turned to Lancaster, and I swear I could feel the disappointment radiating off of her nearly as strongly as I''d felt the Marshall''s fury. She crossed the classroom to Larry, each measured step accompanied by another phrase targeted at Barbie Commander. "Cadet Lancaster. Lawrence. Lou. I admire your desire to learn, but if you wish to continue as a Cadet here at Phileo City Heroic Academy, you must learn to express yourself and address your peers with appropriate amounts of respect."


    I swear, the woman''s words had me feeling guilty, and I hadn''t done shit.


    I mean, today.


    Larry, of course, shrugged off Rosen and half-muttered, "I''m a Lancaster. People should be respecting me, not the other way around."


    Before the Marshall ripped Lancaster''s head off and used it as a chamber pot, Sister Siobhan intervened. "Lawrence, everyone deserves respect. Your fellow Cadets earned their places here," she paused, and I couldn''t help thinking she''d done so deliberately, "just as you did. Your instructors graduated from one Academy or another, and are all experienced experts in their fields. In the case of the Marshall, he not only graduated from Phileo City Heroic Academy, just as you wish to do, but he has served the City for over a decade, first as a Hero and now as Marshall. In that time he has faced and overcome countless threats that neither you nor I are in a position to even comprehend. To receive respect, you must first give respect. You understand that, I''m sure you do."


    I don''t know if he finally caught how close he''d come to becoming another of duBois'' ''countless threats'', if the Sister''s purity of heart moved him, or he just wanted to stop being the center of negative attention, but he slouched into his chair and said, "Yes, Sister. I''m sorry, Sister." After a pause, he muttered, "I''m very sorry, Marshall."


    With a final snort, the Marshall turned away from Larry and said, "Okay, class. Let''s get back to work. Most of you still need way more practice with Status, and I''ll not have anyone leaving this class half-assing their spells. That said, you''ll need to find someone to pair up with when we finally do get to Inspect. Make sure it''s someone you trust well enough to know what your Status screen shows, because they''re going to get a glimpse at that."


    As the class got back to work, I made a snap decision. "Saffron," I stage-whispered, "c''mere."


    She looked away from what I assumed to be her own Status spell, shrugged, and walked over to the edge of my bubble in the back left corner of the room. "What did you need?"


    "D''you wanna pair up for Inspect?"


    She blinked, mouth working a bit before responding, "You want to pair up with me? Why me?"


    After a moment''s thought I shrugged, sometimes honesty really did work best. "You''ve got a strong moral compass. You see something about me that isn''t perfect you''re not gonna blab it around."


    "Seriously?"


    "Yep."


    She thought about it a moment, then nodded, "You realize if I see something actually damning in the literal sense I''ll have to tell the authorities?"


    I paused, faking an equal amount of consideration before saying, "Can you agree to talk it over with me first? If you still want to tell somebody, I''ll come with you."


    I''m not sure she heard exactly what I meant, but she nodded again, "Fair. Okay, when we get there, I''ll pair up with you."


    I smiled at her, "Thanks!"


    She blushed a little and muttered, "de nada," before returning to her desk to practice her Status some more.


    I turned back to my own practice. I''d managed to get my line of mana down to a hair thin, blindingly scintillating wire dragged behind the tip of my fingernail instead of the finger painting smudge I''d done in Remedial Shaping, but I couldn''t seem to get it any thinner than that. After Tuesday''s practice, I wasn''t killing myself doing it though, which came as a nice surprise.


    Thoughts of wire sparked in my brain, and despite both Remedial Mana and duBois'' instructions not to try something ''new'' without telling someone, I... tried something. New-ish.


    Instead of tracing with my right hand, I put my right hand into the ''holding'' position, thumb sticking upward. I forced that tiny sliver of mana from my thumbnail, then forced more out, pushing the rest up like an extruded wire; much like my first successful Status, the point sparked like an arc welder, but this time the point kept doing that as it grew. I focused my entire attention on forcing the Mana to grow into the shape I envisioned; when it got long enough, I pictured it making a hard right turn into a gentle left curve, then forced the mana-wire to grow into that shape. The circle came out more circle-y than I''d ever been able to do with my right hand, and I forced it to skew just enough to avoid merging with the previous wire. Two more circles, and before I could even lead the wire back into my thumb, my dual Status screen popped into being in front of me, one screen in front of the other. I focused on the first one, figuring I might be able to hide the other one from Saffron, or talk her out of looking at it, or something.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(52, 73, 94, 1)" width="100%">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    NAME


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Tabitha Diaz


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Hybrid


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    HYBRID


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Bag (31.25%) / Dan (25%) / Human (37.5%) / Vanir (6.25%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Juverrnille


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ATTRIBUTES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    STRENGTH


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGILITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ENDURANCE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    6


    If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    REASON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MEMORY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PERSONALITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AFFINITIES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Water (18.75%), Air (9.375%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PATRON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Loki


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MANA SHAPING


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    6


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACIAL SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    None


    </td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    The only thing I figured I''d have to do some explaining on was my Mana Shaping; sure, I''d practiced a lot over the last week, but unless they used a completely different scale, my Mana Shaping coming in as high as my Endurance might look kinda weird. A sudden errant thought struck me, and I mentally shoved the Status screen to the left of my vision; recreating the spell took some work, and I didn''t want to have to redo it all.


    Sister Siobhan stood facing me, head down, palms clasped before her. The Marshall stood behind her, for the first time since I''d met him nervous tension leaked through his controlled demeanor. The rest of the class just kind of stared at me, and I heard Larry mutter, "show off." Before I could say anything, my Mana Shaping instructor dashed through the door. They walked up behind duBois and calmly stated, "I''ll take over from here. Marshall, Sister, I''m certain your class has better things to do than stare at Cadet Diaz."


    With that the Marshall turned and got his class working again; after a few moments the Sister stopped murmuring, opened her eyes, and moved to assist him. Soon they had the entire class making circles in the air with their hands. Mana Shaping just looked at me, shaking their head. "Whatever will we do with you, Diaz?"


    "Uh, what''s going on?"


    They chuckled a little, "You don''t even realize, do you?"


    "Nope. Clueless. That''s me."


    They shook their head and spoke in a low voice, pitched to carry no further than me, "between me and you, you''ve just displayed an innate understanding of Mana far in advance of most of your classmates here. I''m not surprised, mind you. Your problem, inasmuch as I have been able to determine after working with you for a few hours, is not a lack of Mana to be shaped; it is in fact the exact opposite. You have an excess of Mana, to the degree that controlling it must take an extraordinary effort of will. It''s a somewhat less common dilemma, but not unheard of; I see at least one or two students a year with similar issues, although yours seems a bit excessive. It''s almost like you''ve never even tried to shape Mana prior to entering the Academy."


    I shrugged, "I didn''t."


    That got a bit more reaction from them. "Really? How bizarre, especially for a young person who dreamed of becoming a Hero."


    "I didn''t so much dream about it as it seemed the next thing to do." True enough, as far as it went.


    "Odd. At any rate, the shielding seems to be undamaged; from the Message the Marshall sent to me, your display was impressively pyrotechnic, but it seems that''s all it was. You''ve progressed very well in terms of containing and controlling your Mana; I detect nearly no residues beyond what one might expect of an ordinary Status spell coupled with a fairly potent Light spell."


    That reminded me of the question I''d originally pushed my Status spell aside for. "Hey, while I''ve got you here, I had a question about Status?"


    They chuckled, clearly unwilling to leave a student with a question without answering it. "Go on?"


    "The Attribute numbers in my Status all seem kinda low, and my Skill numbers," I stuttered a little making the word ''number'' plural, to make it seem like I had more than one skill, "are weirdly high comparatively."


    Mana Shaping nodded, their face showing just a touch of a smile. "Other than ratios, all numbers in most Status spells are exponential in nature. Do you understand what that means?"


    "Maybe? Could you explain it to me?"


    "Certainly! It''s quite a simple concept. For Attributes, a ''one'' is equal to the Attribute of an average Adult Human with no special training or focus in that Attribute. A ''one'' in a Skill is someone who has just mastered the Skill, enough to have it show in their personal Status or to an appropriate Inspect. In more advanced studies of Attributes and Skills, we often use the moniker ''Joe Stag'' to describe a wealthy layabout who has never had to exert themself, and as such has only the baseline abilities, and who is such a dilettante they have a ''one'' in every Skill imaginable, but nary a single ''two''. In the real world, finding a person who has not at least focused enough to raise one Attribute is excessively uncommon." They paused, looking at me to see if I understood. I nodded, and they continued.


    "At any rate, a ''two'' indicates someone who is at least twice as capable in that regard to that Attribute as someone with a ''one''. A two Strength can lift twice as much as a one, a two Endurance can run twice as far as a one, a two Memory remembers twice as many details for twice as long, and so on. With me so far?"


    "Yeah?"


    They nodded again. "A ''three'' is twice as capable as a ''two'', and a ''four'' is twice as capable as a ''three''."


    "Oh! So it''s all powers of two?" I interrupted. They looked at me, clearly shocked at my statement, yet not upset at all.


    "Yes! That''s it exactly! I find myself unable to not ask, who was your Maths tutor?"


    I panicked a little, throwing out the first math teacher''s name I remembered. "Mister Houck?"


    They looked a little put out. "Houck? How strange, I''ve never heard of them, and I know most of the prominent mathematicians in Phileo City."


    I shrugged. "As far as I know, he lives north of Camden. Camden Yards, that is."


    "Fascinating. I simply must see if I can find this unknown mathematical genius tutor of yours."


    "Cool cool. No idea how to get in touch with him, though. My mom might have known, but..."


    They nodded, a sympathetic mask imperfectly hiding their excitement over meeting the mysterious Mr. Houck. "I understand." They turned, waving to the Marshall. "Marshall duBois, a word?"


    He nodded, finished up with his current student, and walked over to Mana Shaping. "What did you need?"


    "I''ve inspected the shielding, and while I''ll add another shield before I go just in case, Cadet Diaz'' Mana shaping was simply a method I''ve been teaching her in order to overcome the difficulties which landed her in my class. Upon close inspection, there was little if any need for the first shield, despite the somewhat spectacular visual nature of the Cadet''s Spell."


    The Marshall nodded, accepting Mana Shaping''s verdict while clearly less than sanguine about it. "Fair enough." He turned to me, "Cadet?"


    I straightened my spine from its usual slouch and replied, "Yes, Marshall?"


    "Carry on practicing the way you''ve been shown by your Mana Shaping instructor. Do try to tone down the... spectacular visuals... if you can do so safely." He turned back to Mana Shaping. "I''d still appreciate that second shield before you go, though."


    With a chuckle, they did just that, winking at me once the Marshall turned away, whispering, "Keep practicing!" before leaving the classroom at a brisk pace, leaving me alone in my bubble with my Status screen.


    All of a sudden my six in Mana Shaping looked like it needed a lot more explaining. My six in Endurance certainly explained my Marathon run, though.


    Pulling my Status back in front of me and putting my back to the corner, just in case someone could read my Status screen over my shoulder, I flipped to my second Status screen. Even at a quick glance, I just had to hope like hell Saffron didn''t catch wind of it, or if she did that I could talk her out of looking at it.


    Because I''m sure as hell I couldn''t talk my way out of the deep, deep shit I''d be in from that one.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(52, 73, 94, 1)" width="45%">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    NAME


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Mimic


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Mor


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    JuvErrnilErr


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ATTRIBUTES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    STRENGTH


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGILITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ENDURANCE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    16


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    REASON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MEMORY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PERSONALITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AFFINITIES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Water (56.25%), Air (28.125%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PATRON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Loki


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    None


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACIAL SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MIMIC


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    16


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MIMIC (Attack)


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MIMIC (Attribute)


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MIMIC (Defense)


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MIMIC (Size)


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    16


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MIMIC (Skill)


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    BLEND


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    32


    </td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>

 Day Twenty Six

    Dear Diary,


    So. I spent so much time worrying about Saffron potentially turning me in to the popo I nearly missed Sister Siobhan''s demonstrations on the Spells to Assess Health and Stabilize a wounded person. Apparently somebody with the first one Skilled up high enough could detect really subtle conditions way before they became a problem, and the latter one could, again with enough Skill, stop someone from bleeding out, stop the effects of poisons and venoms, and even keep severed body parts from dying until they could be reattached. Not something I wanted to experience personally, and I had no idea how the Stabilize Spell was supposed to work, because the hand motions looked pretty intricate, but Assess Health seemed like a variation on Status. Instead of a triple circle, it required a single square with little loops at the corners, and a twist of the left wrist before it activated properly.


    I mean, I think it did. I couldn''t see anybody else''s Mana flows.


    It took me until near the end of Remedial Celtic to remember what Loki said about that.


    "Well, I can see part of why you''re having a problem; you hold a pen like you''ve barely learned to write," he murmured.


    He sat in the previously unoccupied desk next to me, leaning over to see my work. I''d been busted back to a grade school writing primer, where they had sentences for me to copy onto some scratch paper. The current one was ''Sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow''. I''d been struggling with it for like three hours before he showed up, and he shuffled through my papers before sighing, scooting his chair around until he could reach across and put his hand over and around mine, then guide me through writing that in Standardized Celtic.


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    "You know I have no idea what I''m writing, right?"


    "True, but if we can get you to a slightly better grade of primer, you can practice writing individual words. I suppose it will wind up a bit like writing an iconographic language for you, but needs must."


    Sister Cheryl glanced back at us, shooting Loki a grateful look as he helped me write.


    "Not that I mind, but why the hell is she just letting a complete stranger sit here helping me?"


    He chuckled as he guided me through the final word. "It''s a Trickster skill, one that a few of my ardent followers and some less savory types have as well. It''s called ''Blend''."


    I quashed my raging curiosity enough to keep my voice reasonably coherent when I asked, "Huh. How does that work?"


    As we moved on to another repetition of the sentence, he explained, "So long as I do not call attention to myself, people assume I''m supposed to be where I am and doing what I''m doing. In all likelihood, she told herself I''m your personal teaching assistant."


    "I mean, that''s kinda right though."


    He snorted, blowing some of my hair in front of my face, "Didn''t you catch that the other night? Or were you too drunk to remember?"


    It took only a moment to twig to what he meant. "The perfect lie is the absolute truth?"


    He smiled and nodded, not unlike Sister Siobhan when she came by to check my work. "That''s exactly right. Well done!"


    Of course, Sister Siobhan didn''t add, "My good and faithful devotee."

 Day Twenty Seven

    Dear Diary,


    As I drifted off to sleep last night, I realized something and thought, Hey Loki, does your Blend do anything more overt, like shapeshiftery stuff?


    His reply came back immediately, Indeed it does, a wide variety of minor shapeshifting designed to make it easier for me to pass without comment; even some fairly subtle spiritual shapeshifting, things which take enormous effort to do otherwise. Good night, Tabitha Diaz.


    G''night, Loki.


    For the first time since I arrived at PCHA, I didn''t wake up mildly sore; I''d gone out after lunch and picked up half a dozen fluffy blankets. I even bought two of them; one from a woman on South selling hand-woven blankets right there on the sidewalk, and another from a little mom and pop bodega that had an oddly broad selection of what I eventually recognized as ''Adventuring Gear''. The rest I got from cons on snooty shopkeeps who looked like they''d never sewn anything in their lives. Probably had sweatshops hidden away in the back rooms or some shit. I am a Good and Faithful Devotee of my Patron, after all.


    I still woke up tired, probably ''cause I spent the rest of yesterday afternoon and a while after dinner fucking around with my Status spell. I crawled out of bed to the door, pulling myself to my knees by the handle before opening it. Saffron stood there, pointedly looking up when the door opened, dropping her gaze in confusion when she didn''t see me. A moment later, her gaze having dropped straight past my face before bouncing back up to lock onto my eyes as her cheeks went red, she fought back a grin and said, "Some day that''s going to come back to bite you in the ass, you realize?"


    "Ooh. Kinky." I said I woke up tired, not dead.


    She rolled her eyes and shook her head, walking off as she let off one of those long, whistling sighs that told me she really wanted to say something else, but had too much patience or too little nerve. I suspected the latter when I heard the faintest chuckle as she walked out of my line of sight. I closed the door, crawled my way over to my armoire for a fresh uniform, and managed to stumble my way to the Dining Hall reasonably upright. I wasn''t sure I''d literally kill for a cup of coffee, but grievous bodily harm was definitely on the table. I polished off more bread than usual at breakfast, hoping the carbs would kick in before Physical Training. Alas, I hoped in vain, because my daily dash to beat duBois wound up as more of a really fast stagger; even fuckin'' Larry almost beat me to the Practice Yard.


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    We wound up doing more weightlifting and calisthenics in the morning. Okay, I did nothing but weightlifting, because, to quote duBois, "There ain''t shit I can push your Endurance with in the Practice Yard... yet."


    That ''yet'' bothered me until after lunch, when he introduced those of us rotating through Agility training to what he called ''Advanced Dynamic Isometric Exercises''. Some of what he had us do reminded me of Yoga, some of it reminded me of some Tai Chi videos I''d seen, but all of it reminded me that ''being able to run for a long time'' wasn''t anywhere near as tough as ''being able to hold a handstand for half an hour'' or ''doing pull-ups until you can''t feel your arms''. Some of the positions he had us hold felt a little bit silly until I asked the Marshall why we had to learn to hold these weird poses and he nodded to me with a sort of ''fair point'' look on his face and twisted through half a dozen of them in rapid succession. Individually, they looked like really stupid poses designed to target really specific muscle sets. Put together in sequence, duBois made them look like some Matrix level bullet time dodging bullshit, only sped up to something approaching real time.


    He even managed to catch me when my arms and legs gave out at the same time and I nearly landed headfirst on the paving stone. I groaned up at him and said, "If you can pull off that kind of freaky dodging and you still run away from some shit, I think becoming a Hero might be the stupidest idea I''ve ever had."


    He frowned down at me as he lowered me to the ground, still headfirst but at a way less painful speed, saying, "Are you thinking about quitting on me, Diaz?"


    I grabbed at his hand as he straightened, using it to pull myself back to my feet. "Aw, c''mon Marshall duBois, when have you ever known me to have an insufficient amount of Stupid for anything?"


    That got a genuine guffaw out of him as he yanked me to, then off of, my feet, swinging me around and swinging me up until I came to rest directly above him, balanced on that one hand that gripped his when he barked, ''Hold!''


    I managed to stay there, precariously balancing on one hand, while he counted. I didn''t fall until eleven. Then he set me to doing two-person work with Saffron, saying, "You''re strong enough you won''t drop her."


    "But isn''t she supposed to be alternating with me?"


    "Yeah, your head is hard enough you won''t die if she drops you."


    Like I said, I''m really not sure if I love having duBois as a teacher or hate it.

 Day Twenty Eight

    Dear Diary,


    I forgot to ask Marie for a bath yesterday or the day before. Pumpkin spice or not, I didn''t want to reek on my Devotional day out, so I caught her during breakfast and asked her to bring one up after dinner. She just nodded. When I got back to the ROTC table, Saffron stared at me, an odd look on her face.


    "What''s up, Saff?"


    She mouthed a confused ''Saff?'' before replying. "You, with the bathing, and the perfume. You realize the whole reason Phileo Heroic doesn''t have modern plumbing and other amenities is to get the rich kids used to roughing it, right?"


    Angel chuckled. "Plenty of houses in Camden Yards don''t have those things either, Saff."


    She glanced at Angel before turning back to me. "Goddess save me, it looks like you''ve started a trend."


    I shrugged. "I like being clean. I spent way too much time dirty as a kid."


    "So what are you gonna do if we''re out on a multi-day patrol in no man''s land?"


    I thought about it while shoveling another couple eggs in my mouth. After swallowing I said, "probably see if I can find a clean stream or pool or something."


    "So you''ll just strip down in front of everybody and give them all a show?" Before I could reply, she answered herself, rolling her eyes heavenward as she did. "Wait, no, forgot who I''m talking to. Of course you will. No shame at all, you."


    "Hey, you''ve seen the show already. Tell me one thing I''ve got to be ashamed of?"


    I got to enjoy her going more than a little pink as she tried not to choke on a sausage and the other two broke out laughing. Just to mess with her I picked up one of the finger-sized sausages and swallowed it whole. The effort to do so without gagging was well worth it, as she lost another few seconds to goggling and spluttering.


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    "You have no shame at all," she repeated.


    "So... I''m supposed to be ashamed because I don''t have any shame? That doesn''t make any sense at all. Why would I want shame?"


    She just shook her head and turned back to eating, trying to finish her breakfast before we spotted duBois getting ready to head up.


    When we got out to the Practice Yard, I pulled the team together for a few moments and laid out my new plan for the day. Saffron looked dubious, but Angel laughed when she heard my suggestion. Most importantly, Bill nodded and said, "Yeah, let''s try that. If duBois doesn''t stop us, it''ll definitely give us an edge."


    When the man himself, who as usual beat us to the Yard, called everyone to order and had a couple kids bring the SquadBall gear out, we waited until everyone else had their headbands on and got into position before moving for the pile of headbands. Each of us picked up three headbands and put them on before heading to our quadrant. The other three teams looked at duBois, but the only thing he said was, "begin!" The lights came up and everyone dashed for the balls.


    Everyone except Lancaster. Of course. He screamed out, "they''re cheating! That''s cheating! That''s not fair!"


    DuBois'' voice echoed through the Yard over our grunts of exertion and pain. "If this were Physical Training, where we might play games sometimes, sure. But because you''ve forgotten, this is Combat Training. You think some Amsterdam Hero is going to play nice because he knows defense, offense, and healing while you only know one of those?"


    I lost track of whatever reply Lancaster tried to make; odd, because I''d been rushing his team''s quadrant specifically to hammer him square in the chest with a ball. I don''t know if I hit or not, because at the end of my jump one of the headbands slipped loose and fell down over my eyes. I still threw blind, and from Lancaster''s squawk I hit something, but without sight I couldn''t dodge very well, and a ball hammered into my shin. I dropped, another ball tugging at my hair as I did. I played dead, and a moment later Angel lifted me onto my feet; I sprinted back for our quadrant, shoving my headbands back as I did.


    Bill and Saffron had the same problem I did, with one of the headbands slipping lose now and again. It eventually cost me when one slipped right after I threw, and Larry managed to hit me while I couldn''t see, then hit me again when I''d barely hit the ground.


    Not every super cool plan goes the way I intend, I guess.

 Day Twenty Nine

    Dear Diary,


    After yesterday''s multiple headband fiasco, we tried switching things up in the afternoon, each of us braiding two headbands together and wearing them like that. It kinda worked, but by then everyone else copied us, so we didn''t have much of an advantage. We did pretty good though by going with our ''two Healer, two Caster strategy, but each of us having a Tank headband as well. Angel and I focused on coordinating our shots; if she hit them first, I could take them out entirely, and if she missed, I usually got them while they recovered from the dodge. It didn''t work as well as I''d hoped, but it didn''t not work, so I wasn''t all that upset.


    Not upset, but definitely hot, tired, and sweaty. I stumbled to my room after dinner, stripping down the moment I stepped into my room. No more than a few seconds later, Marie knocked on my door.


    For those of you wondering how I can tell the difference between Marie and Saffron knocking, I wish I could tell you I had some kind of super-secret Mimic-sense that told me who was outside my door, but the truth is a lot simpler. Marie has got to be at least seven feet tall. If Saffron is five foot in heels I''d be a little surprised. I guess either one could fool me, although Saffron would probably need a ladder.


    Anyhow, I let Marie in and, once she had the tub on the floor, more or less collapsed into it. The first kettle of water poured over me, a balm on my aching muscles and not much else. I don''t know if she spent more time massaging my back than normal, or if I just slept through most of the scrubbing parts. She''d stepped up her already impressive soap game; she kept the honey, but added something else that tickled my nose as she scrubbed my mop of hair. It took me a while to identify, something I blame on the Dining Hall and maybe my new nose not having smelled it before.


    Some kind of pepper. Spicy soap. Capsaicin. While Marie worked over my scalp I mustered together the words and willpower to force a coherent sentence out of my mouth. "Where''d you get peppers?"


    Okay, not much of a sentence, but coherent and to the point. Her fingers slowed, and I swear her response sounded almost bashful, as if my question scared her. "Home." After a bit she asked, "Bad?"


    Her slowed fingers never quite stopped, and my brain wanted nothing so much as to shut down for a few hours, but I forced out, "No. s''good. Oughta be inna food."


    Whatever she managed to pull out of that, she returned to her scrubbing, although again I''m not sure whether her scrubbing to massaging ratio remained constant. I am sure her massage hit me harder today than it had in the past. Despite the faint tingling in my scalp where she gently ran her claws against it, I spent the rest of the bath half snoozing, barely registering when she leaned me back and started in on my front. Between the warmth, the massage, and my exhaustion, I didn''t really wake up until Marie lifted me bodily from the tub and set me on my chair so she could comb out my hair. I don''t really remember anything after that.


    I woke the next morning atop my pile of blankets, wearing nothing but my birthday suit. Well, my new birthday suit, my old one having gone missing that day at the aquarium. That prompted a question that niggled at me until I woke up, wondering if my age counted from my new birthday or my old one. That question nibbled at me while I got dressed, balled up my dirty things, dunked them down the laundry chute, and headed for breakfast in the Dining Hall. It took up so much of my attention I didn''t even notice the crunch of the door opening, and completely didn''t wonder at all about going to sleep during my bath and waking up naked in my bed.


    None of the ROTC crew showed for breakfast, and some of the goblincore Cadets had migrated over in our absence. I didn''t so much as look at them as I took my normal spot, but they spread out and gave me room. At a guess, each table could seat twenty Cadets if they were friendly and careful with their elbows. The gobbo table normally held about that many, where most of the other tables had between ten and fifteen. The Cadets around me backed away a little further when I started my normal breakfast routine, cramming food in as fast as I could swallow it. I swear to god they looked like they were afraid I would mistake them for food.


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    When Marie came by our table and set a tray directly in front of me with a shrug and a muttered, "Improvised." they all scooted back a little more, although that might have been from the pungent aromas coming from the tray; it held shredded meat in a thick sauce that oozed down over the meat as I watched. With everyone else looking at the tray like it might bite them, I pulled it closer and shoveled some on to a slice of bread, then nommed down as much as I could in a single bite.


    My eyes watered a little, and my scalp beaded with sweat, but oh, the heavenly taste of something with a kick made it all worthwhile.


    Lest I be misconstrued, the Dining Hall food regularly got top marks on the Diaz scale of food rating, for what it was. Which was six eff food, but really well done. Salt, garlic, onion, butter, sugar, maybe even the tiniest bit of black pepper or mustard on the meat, but for the most part, the stuff hit the table spice free. So, yeah, good, awesome even, but a little bit dull.


    This stuff, which I inexpertly guessed was pulled pork absolutely drenched in some kind of spicy barbeque sauce, wasn''t just six eff spicy, it was good spicy.


    On seeing me eating the stuff and not dying or turning into any more of a rampaging beast, the Cadets next to me made motions to try some. While I wanted to put the fear of Diaz into them for trying to steal my food, I realized that the stuff was on one of the communal platters, despite my commandeering it for my own, so I nodded permission, since any moment my mouth was empty enough to talk I stuffed more pulled pork into it. By the time I''d cleaned the platter, maybe a quarter of it found its way around the table, with some of the gobbo kids taking one bite, wincing, and guzzling water, while others chewed at it more thoughtfully and finished what their peers didn''t. One kid even seemed to like it, although he may have been making up for the fact he was the smallest of the lot of them, trying to show how tough he was.


    When the Dining Hall closed down, I headed for the street, letting the guards know I''d be heading to my usual South Street, South Ninth Market meetup as I left.


    Loki met me as I left the park again; I had a couple questions for him today, and decided to get into them before we got into the smaller streets with more people.


    "If you shapeshift when you Blend, do you change age categories?"


    Credit where it''s due, he thought about that for a dozen steps before replying, "Not unless it needs to for me to Blend in. It would be weird for one of a bunch of little kids to have an Adult running around with them, after all."


    "But is it, like, a superficial visual change, or would your Status change too?"


    "You know, I''ve never checked my Status while Blending? I mean, those of the deific persuasion tend not to at any rate; the exponential nature of the numbers means we''re all within a few points of one another, and those numbers are well above most mortals in any case. But my educated guess is that it would, since I would need to Blend to anyone Inspecting the crowd of tots I''m hiding in."


    I thought about that a bit before asking, "Can you change shape other than Blending?"


    He smirked while replying, "I didn''t Blend my way into being a mare, you know."


    That confused me for a moment until I remembered Sleipnir''s parentage, at which point I snorted out a laugh. "Does your Status screen change then?"


    "Again, not something I''d thought to check, but I doubt it does unless I''m specifically doing so."


    "Huh. How do you go about shapeshifting, anyhow?"


    He grinned at me. "Oh, so you''re trying to steal all your Patrons secrets now?"


    I grinned right back. "You know it!"


    That had both of us laughing for a good half block, mostly ignoring the few passerby. "Seriously, though, whether using a Spell or some kind of Skill, it usually involves changing my self-image, at which point my actual self changes to match."


    "Huh. That''s not the way..." I trailed off.


    "Hmm?"


    "That''s not the way I thought it would work."


    He looked at me, one eyebrow raised. "Really?"


    "I mean, as much as I thought about how shapeshifting would work, I didn''t think about it working like that at all. Truly."


    He smiled again. "Are you trying to lie to your Patron now?"


    What the hell, it worked before. "You know it!"


    We laughed a lot today. I have no idea why both of us found me saying ''You know it!'' so funny, but we did.


    Also, Loki managed to not only bring me a cheese steak for lunch, he scored us tandoori chicken for dinner.


    In case I don''t say it enough, my Patron is Best Patron.

 Day Thirty

    Dear Diary,


    I never really thought about how much energy I must burn when doing Mana Shaping; I''ve been absolutely laying waste to every meal dropped in front of me, and like I mentioned a while back I figured I''d start putting on some nice padding soon enough. Then I got up this morning and discovered I needed to cinch my belt down a notch tighter than normal. Not only that, but I had to shimmy my thighs into my pants, not because of the junk in my trunk, but because my frighteningly defined thighs barely fit into them. Almost as bad, my shoulders strained the stitches on my jacket, even when I left it unbuttoned.


    I mentioned that to Marie when she knocked on my door to wake me up, and she immediately grabbed my jacket and stripped it off me. Right then and there she pulled out a stitch ripper, some thread, and a needle. Right in front of my eyes she pulled the shoulder stitches and re-stitched them. They looked a little iffy to me, but she said, "Better." She then proceeded to open my armoire and scoop out all of my jackets. A glance at me and she pulled the shirts and pants as well, then motioned for me to strip down.


    Rolling my eyes, but smiling as I did it, I stripped out of my blouse and pants, leaving me starkers since I''d worn my good underthings yesterday and still hadn''t gotten used to sandpaper in my privates. I mean, I didn''t have anything to be ashamed of now. That kinda weirded me out; I figured I ought to at least have a tiny bit of a pouch to let me pack away so much food. I kinda wish I could get a look in a mirror; I''m not, like, super narcissistic, but I figured it might be cool to see myself in super good shape, right?


    Anyhow, it took Marie like two minutes of stitch-witchery to loosen up the shoulders and thighs of my uniform enough that barring something crazy happening, they''d last until I tossed them in the laundry. I figured she''d do her thing while she had them hostage down in the laundry.


    So I sauntered down to breakfast feeling good; I hadn''t realized how much my tight clothes had been bothering me. When I got to the ROTC table in the Dining Hall, a couple of the braver gobbos had grabbed seats; the others didn''t seem to mind, so I let it go and tore into my breakfast. The second tray the maids brought to our table they dropped right in front of me, and when the lid came off, the distinctive aroma of sriracha filled my nostrils. I''d never been much of a sriracha girl back in the world of Eastside, but I needed to get my spice on, and sriracha scrambled eggs jumped up and down on the spicy button without letting up. I noticed another smaller tray of the same stuff delivered over to the gobbo table, and they tore into it with mixed results. Still, by the time I left the Dining Hall, all of it had gone down one hatch or another, so I figured it was a hit.


    When I got to Remedial Mana Shaping, the teacher already had my desk set aside from the others, with some kind of weird contraption made of swiss-cheesed pipes and vacuum tubes set up right in front of the desk. Once I settled into my desk, they set up my personal bubble, then explained, "I put that together over the weekend. It should detect any excess radiation, magical or otherwise, within the bubble. Since the only source within the bubble will be yourself, it should allow me to determine the danger level of your pyrotechnics."


    "Thanks! Do you mind if I try some new things today? I''ve been thinking about how to get my Status shaping down to where I might be able to get it as a Skill the way the Marshall wants us to."


    They thought about it for a moment, then shook their head. "Only after you''ve shown me you have the basics of Assess Health and Stabilize."


    I nodded, held up my left hand in the position for ''Assess Health'', then arc-welded my way through the pattern for the Spell. I got a nasty little squork sound when I completed the Spell, and nothing but gray static on the window where Status would normally give me my stats. Mana Shaping nodded and said, "reasonably good form, excellent speed for someone of your experience. Now, Stabilize?"


    I frowned. "I''m sorry, but..." I took a moment to psyche myself up, as Carruthers had just arrived in class, the second person to trickle in early. "I can''t see Mana flows. I mostly just watched Sister Siobhan''s hands for Assess Health."


    That got raised eyebrows from the teacher, followed by puffed cheeks blowing out a breath. Carruthers grunted what I guessed was laughter, but I ignored it. The teacher just looked at me for a bit, then said, "so you''ve made this much progress without the ability to naturally see Mana?"


    "That''s about the size of it."


    "Well. How fascinating. I think I can help you a bit." They waved a hand through my bubble, and I heard the faint popping sound of the Spell going down. They stepped closer and recast the bubble with themselves inside, then held out their hands. "I sorted out how to do this while testing the detector there. I can''t do this too much without risking harming you, but I can at least let you see the flows once or twice." They proceeded to make a kind of glowing cat''s cradle of Mana between their hands, finishing by placing their thumbs into the center of the cradle and, from what I could see, just pouring Mana into the center. "Normally, you''d use your thumbs to press the Mana into the target, and the framework would allow it to bolster their own natural healing processes enough to, well, Stabilize them."


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    "What happens if you do it to someone who isn''t bleeding out? Would it hurt them?"


    They paused. "Not... exactly." They sighed, shook their head, then shrugged. "You know, I think everyone ought to experience Stabilize, just so they understand why some patients react poorly. Would you like to do so?"


    I figured someone who went to all the trouble to invent a magical Geiger Counter just to make sure my Mana Shaping wouldn''t kill anybody else wouldn''t do anything really harmful to me. "Sure."


    They leaned over and pressed the glowing pattern to my chest.


    If you''ve ever licked a nine volt battery and felt that weird tingly sensation, you''ve got the beginnings of how Stabilize felt. If you''ve ever stuck anything metal into an electrical outlet, you definitely know how it felt, except that involuntary muscular twitch happened right over my sternum. In short, it stung like a bitch and left my chest aching a little, the way it does after a really good workout, or maybe closer to a really good stretch. "Ow," I muttered.


    They smirked. "See what I mean?"


    I nodded. "Yep. Uh, would you mind staying here while I try Assess Health again? I got some weird responses, I think because I couldn''t aim it at anyone in the bubble."


    They nodded. "Certainly."


    I popped off another Assess Health, and this time got a screen with what looked like a bunch of medical diagnostic information. Heart rate, blood pressure, ''overall health'', ''fatigue level'', and a bunch of other less comprehensible stuff filled the window I''d created. I ignored all that, focusing on one particular entry right at the top of the list.


    Name: Willie Roberts


    I dismissed the Spell and smiled at Roberts. "Thanks, Mr. Roberts, it seems to be working," I said, only to be met with a pained wince. "I''m sorry, did I do something wrong?"


    He shook his head. "I''m rather... unfond... of being called ''Mister''. I actually prefer to be referred to by my position, so ''Teacher'', ''Instructor'', or something similar is fine. ''Doctor Roberts'' if you absolutely must."


    I nodded at them. "Okay. I''m sorry, I didn''t mean to offend you."


    They smiled. "No offense taken; I don''t think I''ve ever mentioned it to this class. Now, can you show me your Stabilize?"


    I''d been a big fan of cat''s cradle back in Camden; a game that requires nothing but some old string or rubber bands? A bit pricey for us back then, but between half a dozen of us we could normally scrounge enough for one or two people to play while the others watched. I whipped up the cradle I''d seen the teacher make and filled it with my thumbs. "I don''t want to test this on you, but I really want to know it works. Should I test it on myself?"


    That got a guffaw from Carruthers, and if he''d seen the instructor''s rolled eyes and evil smirk, he''d have run when they waved the bubble away and said, "Carruthers, come over here please."


    He did, and when he got close enough for me to reach his chest with my hands, Doc Roberts nodded. I lifted my hands and looked Carruthers in the eye. "You ready for this big guy?"


    He just chuckled out something like, "yurp," and I pushed the center of my Stabilize into his chest. Apparently I''d put a bit more into it than the teacher had, because he went spread-eagled standing there right in front of me, standing on tiptoe and shuddering for a good couple seconds before stumbling back onto his heels with a colossal fart.


    "Ow."


    "Yeah, it stings, don''t it?" I chose not to comment on his flatulence. I had some class, after all.


    The teacher smacked their hands together and said, "Good enough. The detector seems to be working, and you didn''t seem to let off much raw Mana at all with your Stabilize or your Assess Health, but I''m going to re-establish your protective shield just to be safe."


    I hid my sigh and just said, "okay. Thanks, teach."


    They smiled and put me back in my bubble.


    I spent the rest of the morning tinkering with my Status spell. Specifically, I''d worked out that it didn''t matter which thumb I pushed my Mana wire out of, so I tried other body parts. First the back of my hand, then the side of my elbow, and finally ditched my arms entirely and forced the arc-welder brightness of my Mana wire out from my left cheek, then through the triple circle for Status. I''d done the whole thing with my eyes closed, the actinic wire still visible through my eyelid. When the wires snapped together and dimmed, I opened my eyes to see a teeny tiny version of my dual Status screen hovering about half an inch in front of my left eye.


    Beyond and behind that, the teacher stared me straight in the eye. "Is... is that a Status Spell?"


    I nodded, the screen hovering right in front of my eye until I pushed it up and to the side with an effort of will. "Uh, yeah?"


    "Remarkable," they breathed with an air of reverence. "Cadet Diaz, I find myself in the odd position of demanding that you stop experimenting without informing me first. Not something I ever envisioned myself saying in a Remedial Mana Shaping class, but here we are."


    "Uh, sure. Why?"


    "Because before you do, I''ll be putting a much more extensive shield around you. Your current shield is designed to ground out raw Mana rather than allowing it to endanger your fellow students. If you''re going to be doing completely unsupervised and unsanctioned magical research, I think you''ll need something rather stronger than that."


    I looked at them, confused on multiple levels. "If it''s so dangerous, why aren''t you telling me not to do it?"


    They smiled. "Because I recall that same injunction never slowed me down in the slightest."

 Day Thirty One

    Dear Diary,


    Not much to say about World Cultures and Geography today. We studied the next closest City, Calverton City. I''m not sure, but I think it''s down near where DC was back in my old world. The population is pretty much the same components as Phileo City, but it breaks down a lot differently in terms of how many of each race live there. They''ve got way fewer Dan, way more Humans, and almost no Bag, and most of the Bag who live there are outright slaves. The Dan are all part of or sworn to the ruling family, the House of Calvert. Really original naming there. What with the House of Orange running a constitutional monarchy and the House of Calvert doing the old school ''one man, one vote'', with the current King being the one man with the one vote, I realized I''d been lucky to land in Phileo City.


    Or maybe I hadn''t been. I don''t know why, but I suspected my aquarium octopus friend hadn''t brought me here by accident. Then again, maybe I''m just a little on edge after yesterday afternoon.


    So, after devouring everything at the ROTC table except the other ROTCs and the brave gobbos, I wandered out into the city. When the guard asked me were I was headed, I told him, "I''m looking for Chinatown."


    "Uh, what town?"


    I shook my head. No Italian Market, even if the South Ninth Market made a decent attempt at that, and now no Chinatown. "I''m really just trying to get to know the town better. You know, at street level. I''m gonna go to City Hall and then wander around southeast of there."


    "Will you require an escort?" His tone of voice almost begged me to say ''yes'', but not only wasn''t I the kind of punk who needed bodyguards, walking around with them would kinda defeat the purpose of getting to know the town.


    "Nope. I''ll be fine. Thanks for the offer."


    "Very good then," he sighed. I chuckled and headed out the door.


    Southeast of City Hall I found a weird mix of upscale stores owned and run by Dan, with mostly Humans doing the actual work, and little hole-in-the-wall or second story storefronts mostly owned and operated by Bag, with one or two Human operated exceptions.


    The Dan store owners typically took one look at me and fawned over me, or more frequently set one of their staff to fawning over me. I shouldn''t have been surprised; Heroes have a lot of sway in Phileo City, and anybody wearing the same uniform as me basically counted as a larval hero. I got a couple knickknacks for free from particularly obsequious assholes; a dagger with a fancy hilt and sheath and a shitty blade, a couple pair of costume jewelry earrings, and a ''solid gold'' signet with the PCHA crest along with some ''high quality'' sealing wax. I pulled the signet off as soon as I left the store, and the gold leaf peeled off the inside and stuck to my finger.


    The further southwest I went, the fewer Dan shops I saw. Eventually I hit a block with nothing but Bag stores. I hit a roach coach for a midafternoon snack; deep fried falafel on a hoagie roll made me miss cheese steaks and wonder where a certain someone got them. The Bag stores had nothing nearly as fancy as the Dan boutiques, but what they sold came in two more-or-less clearly delineated categories. The first, cheap shit that they made no claims was anything but cheap shit, they priced accordingly. The second, handmade, well crafted, durable stuff they charged way more for, but not even in the same ballpark as the Dan stores.


    Right before I decided to head back, I stopped in one final store with some herbs hanging from the sign outside. Inside, the powerful scent of spices overwhelmed everything else, although a faint herbal scent tried its best to avoid being completely blotted out. I think the owner was Bag, but I''d never seen one quite so tiny and wizened.


    "Hey, do you have any powdered jalapeno? Or even cayenne?"


    The woman smiled, "It''s been too long since I heard civilized language. Yes, I have both of those. How much would you like?"


    "It''s a knack. How much do they cost?"


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    We dickered a while over pricing, and I eventually got her down to about three quarters of the price she originally quoted. I suspect if I wasn''t in uniform I might have gotten a better price, but that might have been my own prejudice against cops talking.


    It felt really weird to basically be in training to be a cop, while still not liking them one little bit.


    "Should I send these over to the Academy?"


    I shook my head, "Nah, I don''t know whether they''ll appreciate them or confiscate them or something. I''ll carry them, if you can package them up?"


    She nodded, folding my spices into little wax paper packets, then folding both packets into an impromptu envelope made out of much heavier paper. "Be careful. It''s dark soon, and not all the nightwalkers like your jacket."


    I thanked her and left. She hadn''t exaggerated; the sun was maybe three fingers above the horizon. I made the best beeline for the Academy I could, cutting through alleys and minor streets to straighten my path as much as possible. I made it within two blocks of City Hall before my choice of alleys bit me in the ass.


    About halfway down the alley, a guy straightened up from behind a dumpster. "What do we have here, boys?"


    The guy talking reminded me of nothing so much as a shorter, scrawnier Marie, but something about him screamed ''guy'' where I''d never thought of Marie as anything but female. I slowed as I approached him, and spotted two short, scrawny, filthy flunkies flanking him. So small and dirty they blended with the filth next to the dumpster, I hadn''t noticed them; the taller one stood maybe waist high on me. Both of the little guys carried knives, while the guy who had spoken had the same kind of claw-fingernails as Marie.


    "Look, I don''t want any trouble, I''m just trying to get back to The Academy."


    My name dropping didn''t have the desired effect. The leader chuckled, and both his flunkies took that as their cue to chime in with evil little laughs. I heard another three voices laughing behind me as well. "Oh, we don''t want any trouble either. We just want your jewelry."


    I flinched a little, "Really? I mean, if you really want it, I''m not attached to it or anything."


    "See, boys? Not every Cadet is a stuck up prig. Maybe she''ll even see her way clear to coming back home and partying with us a while."


    If skinny boy had opened with the offer instead of trying to rob me, I might have taken him up on it. I''ve partied with sketchier guys a time or two, and other than having Marie''s creepy vibe going on, he wasn''t actually ugly. His flunkies set a new low bar for stink and dirt, though. "Yeah, no. I think I''m just gonna keep walking."


    I walked forward, angled to pass him on his right side; the shorter flunky stood on that side. "Tell you what. You give me your jewelry, your purse, and whatever''s in that envelope and I''ll let you go for the low, low toll of a kiss." He leaned forward as if getting ready to pucker up, and I caught a whiff of his personal odor overwhelming his buddies by proximity. They smelled like garbage. He smelled like rotting meat.


    "I''m sorry, dawg, but there''s just not enough beer in the world."


    He snarled like I''d slapped him. "I''m no one''s dog!" he shouted as he stepped closer and took a wild swing at me.


    I reacted without thinking, bringing one forearm up and stepping toward him. His swing carried his forearm into mine, and I slid my arm down and grabbed his forearm, pulling him toward me as I lashed out with the palm of my other hand. Between one arm pulling and the other punching, his nose broke with a satisfying crunch. He wrapped his other arm around me, trying to grapple, and I just... stepped past him. I wasn''t even sure what I''d just done, but I was past him and face to face with Tweedle-dirt and Tweedle-douchebag. I brought one knee up in the shorter one''s face, lunging forward as he swung his knife at me.


    Of course my pants took that as an excuse for the seams to split.


    My thigh had more reach than the little guy''s knife, and my knee connected with his jaw. He spun, the knife slicing across my front as he did. I took the opportunity to book it. Yeah, I''m in really good shape, way better than Skinny and the Stinkbugs, but with six of them and one of me, I knew the only reason I''d done so well was their own overconfidence and surprise. At the same time, I don''t think any of them could manage a hundred meter dash, let alone a marathon. So, what with discretion being the better part of valor, and cowardice being the better part of discretion, I valorously ran all the way back to the Academy.


    Some time a couple blocks into my sprint I couldn''t hear them any more, but I figured they knew the city way better than me, so while I didn''t sprint the whole way back, I never dropped down further than a steady run. I didn''t stop until I got midway up the front steps, where I pulled my jacket off and slung it over my shoulder, which hid the slash across the front. I loosened up the ties on my shirt as well, letting the loose fabric blouse around my waist and disguise the rip that way.


    When I stepped into the entryway, the door guard took one look at me and asked, "everything okay, Cadet?"


    I grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, no. I got a little too energetic in my explorations, and the crotch of my pants split."


    That got a good chuckle out of him and his partner, and I used that opportunity to pass by them and head for my room.


    On one hand, I now had a crew of miscreants who owed me a beatdown. On the other hand, I was way more apprehensive about how Marie would react to how badly they''d mauled my uniform.

 Day Thirty Two

    Dear Diary,


    Saffron woke me up today, since we had class together. This time she didn''t go all goggle eyed when I opened the door naked to let her know she''d woken me, but her face got a little bit red as she first stared at my tits, then slowly raised her gaze to meet mine. "Do I want to know if you actually put a nightgown on before going to bed?"


    "I mean, I''m not a telepath. You might. Just in case, I don''t. Sandpaper chic just ain''t my thing."


    She rolled her eyes and headed for the Dining Hall chuckling.


    Sister Siobhan and Marshall duBois both showed up to teach Basic Heroic Skills today, and when I got to class Doc Roberts had the Mana detector all set up. DuBois had me partner up before Doc put me in my practice bubble, so I had Saffron in there with me.


    "I''ll probably show you Cadets Inspect shortly before lunch today; I don''t think any of you have Status down to a Skill yet, but most of you ought to be getting close, and I want my prep day back." He smiled as he said it though, so I doubt he hated teaching us all that much.


    So Saffron and I sat there practicing our Status spell. When I popped off my new version, she stared at me like I''d grown another head. "What the hell is that?"


    "Status. Just smaller and anchored to my cheekbone instead of my thumbnail."


    "Who the Hell taught you that?"


    I shrugged. "I came up with it on my own. Works, though, and I don''t need either of my hands to do it."


    She shuddered, then reached out to take hold of my chin and move my head until she stared me right in the eye. "Can you promise not to kill me today?"


    I grinned down at her. "I mean, I promise I won''t do it on purpose. I don''t have all that many friends I can trust here at PCHA, y''know?"


    She just rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I''m gonna die. I''m gonna die, and it won''t even be fighting monsters or Heroes."


    "Do you want me to show you how to do Status this way?"


    She shook her head. "I''ll stick with this one until I''ve got it down. Also, anyone watching you can see how you do it, what with all the pyrotechnics. They might blind themselves watching details, but the general Mana flow is pretty impossible to miss."


    "Huh. Okay then. You''re sure you''re okay being my partner?"


    She shrugged. "I don''t want to die, but I figure dying trying to be a Hero is better than getting shanked over in the Yards."


    "True that."


    We spent the rest of the morning practicing Status, until around eleven I noticed Saffron gasp quietly.


    "Anything wrong?"


    She leaned over to whisper, "I just got the Status skill!"


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    I pulled her into a one armed hug, since I didn''t know what would happen if my status window intersected with her head. "Awesome!"


    She actually blushed at that, but raised her hand to get duBois to come over to our little corner of the room.


    "Yes, Cadet Aetos?"


    "I just got Status as a Skill!" she whispered. I could tell she wanted to get noisy about it, she practically vibrated with excitement. "Can you show me Inspect now?"


    He nodded. "Just a moment. Cadet Aetos, I''m about to Inspect you, are you okay with that?"


    "Yes, Sir!"


    I remembered this time, and thought, Loki, I need that mana vision help now.


    After a slight pause while duBois did his Mana Shaping, I heard, oh, a simple Inspect. Go clockwise instead of widdershins, then rotate it one hundred eighty degrees. If you think of Status as a kind of mirror, Inspect is more like a magnifying glass.


    So, like this? I looked at Saffron and pushed Mana out of my cheekbone a little further than when I did Status, sent the triple circle in the opposite direction from Status, then spun the thing a hundred eighty degrees before letting it snap into focus.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(52, 73, 94, 1)" width="45%">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td width="25%">


    NAME


    </td>


    <td width="74%">


    Saffron Aetos


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="25%">


    RACE


    </td>


    <td width="74%">


    Hybrid


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="25%">


    HYBRID


    </td>


    <td width="74%">


    Bag (12.5%) / Human (87.5%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="25%">


    AGE


    </td>


    <td width="74%">


    Young Adult (<REDACTED>)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="25%">


    ATTRIBUTES


    </td>


    <td width="74%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="25%">


    STRENGTH


    </td>


    <td width="74%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="25%">


    AGILITY


    </td>


    <td width="74%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="25%">


    ENDURANCE


    </td>


    <td width="74%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="25%">


    REASON


    </td>


    <td width="74%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="25%">


    MEMORY


    </td>


    <td width="74%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="25%">


    PERSONALITY


    </td>


    <td width="74%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="25%">


    AFFINITIES


    </td>


    <td width="74%">


    Air (6.25%) / Earth (9.375%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="25%">


    PATRON


    </td>


    <td width="74%">


    Artemis


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="25%">


    SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="74%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="25%">


    STATUS


    </td>


    <td width="74%">


    1


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="25%">


    RACIAL SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="74%">


    None


    </td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    DuBois stared at me. "What the hell is that, Cadet?"


    I smiled sheepishly. "Inspect?"


    He mouthed, ''the fuck?'', followed by asking, "Who the Hell taught you that kind of Inspect?"


    "My Patron?"


    DuBois facepalmed, then turned to Saffron. "Are you sure you''re okay with being the walking disaster zone''s partner?"

 Day Thirty Three

    Dear Diary,


    I swear, some days I''m just The Checklist of Dumbest Ideas Ever.


    First, I stayed up late last night playing with my Spells, trying to get even one of them to show up as a ''Skill''. No dice. I got pretty good and pretty quick with all of them, especially ''Stabilize'', which I got to the point I could do it with one hand in under a second. I could do all this wacky shit, but no Skill, but Saffron got a Skill and all she can do is do it the normal, boring way. I mean, it makes sense that Memory ought to be related to how fast you learn stuff, and she''s just baller at Memory compared to my ''I remember stuff once in a blue when it doesn''t matter'', but still. I decided then to ask her next time I saw her how many times she cast Status before it Skilled up.


    So for the first time Remedial Standardized Celtic wasn''t too bad. I mean, I still didn''t learn much, but with Loki sitting beside me like my very own Special Ed Learning Assistant, I managed to learn the words for ''My'', ''Name'', ''Is'', and how to ''sign'' my name. I mean, apparently it''s that ''perfect handwriting serial killer'' signature, but whatever. Definitely not the kind of accomplishment I''d put on a resume, but progress is progress, y''know?


    Also, according to a muttered conversation between Sister Cheryl, who along with all her other hats teaches Remedial Celtic, and Sister Trease, who stopped by to dig up dirt on me, prior to this year PCHA didn''t really have Remedial classes. Apparently Sister Trease thinks we still shouldn''t have them, and tried to get Sister Cheryl onto Team Expel Tabitha. Y''know, Sister Cheryl, the one who went looking for Candidates in Camden Yard? The one whose recruits are the reason why we have Remedial classes in the first place? Yeah. Having seen her twice and interacted with her once, I''m thinking Sister Trease isn''t the sharpest knife in the block.


    So at any rate, Loki and I worked via the time-tested ''write something slowly and carefully two hundred and fifty times, which will sear it into your brain like a brand'' method. It''s as painful as it sounds. It works, or should I say, ''Hooked On Brain Brands Worked For Me!'' Shit, now I''ve got to have him teach me those words now.


    I asked him if he wanted to try the Dining Hall lunch and, much to my surprise, he said ''sure'', then followed me down. I really should have been more on edge at how fast he agreed. We got down to the Dining Hall and he slid into the seat next to me, looked around at the rest of the ROTC and goblincore kids and said, "So, will you be introducing me to your friends here?"


    I swear I''d forgotten his portfolio or something. With a stifled sigh and a great deal of swallowed panic to go with the sausage I had to swallow whole to answer, I smiled brightly and looked around the table. "That''s Saffron," I pointed to her, although she looked a little miffed. "That''s Angel," I pointed to Angel, who waved with the drumstick she held in one hand. "And that''s Bill," I pointed to Bill, who smiled at Loki and said, "Good to meet you," followed by a real pointed pause. I deliberately ignored his hint and said, "That''s... uh... what''s your name?" and pointed at one of the gobbos, who stuttered and replied, "Fred." I pointed to the next one and said, "and you are?" They answered "Raven", although they stuttered a little, like their name was something else but they decided to change it on the spot. Go Raven, I''m down for it. "And finally, we have?" I pointed at the third gobbo, who said, "Bonita, but everybody calls me Bonnie."


    "That''s a beautiful name, Bonita," said Loki, giving me just a moment longer to catch my breath and my brain.


    "And this is the guy who''s been helping me learn written Celtic, what with my cut-rate tutor teaching me written English instead. Everybody, meet Lyman, Lyman, this is everybody."


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    Hey, it was the best I could come up with on short notice. There was no cause for him to go laughing his ass off like that.


    Also, it might have helped a little if Bonita hadn''t said, "Is he your boyfriend?" That not only got him laughing so hard he fell off the bench, but Saffron got up and walked off in a huff, saying she had to go to the Infirmary. At that point I just shut my fuckin'' pie hole and ate lunch. Okay, I stopped talking, because you can''t very well eat with the pie hole shut.


    Suffice to say by the end of lunch I had some aggression to work off. I walked to the front entrance, told them I was going for a walk to City Hall and back to settle my stomach, declined the escort, and made a bee line for the alley I''d been accosted in the other day. Somewhere near the entrance I lost Loki, but that felt fine with me, so I kept walking.


    Because I am, and stop me if you''ve heard this one or I lose you with the fancy jargon, a Dumb Bitch.


    So I get to the alley, and since I''m going the other way, I see Marie Jr. in the shadows leaning against the dumpster. From this angle I even saw his buddies Short and Shorter, not to mention the trio of hangers-on dangling their legs off a fire escape. I walked straight up to him; he rose as I neared conversational distance. Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dipshit just crouched, looking like runners getting ready to sprint. I plastered on my fakest smile and said, "Hey! I think we got off on the wrong foot Tuesday. My name''s Tabitha. What''s yours?"


    I held out one hand in the universal ''let''s shake'' gesture. He approached, and in the background I saw his three flunkies crawl down the wall like spiders. Not a heartwarming image, trust me. His little buddies did a kind of side-crawl up the wall beside them until they hovered with their feet just off the ground. Marielette himself grabbed me by the wrist and, when I grabbed his, tugged me to him. I think he meant to do a ''snug me in and loom'', but while he was taller than me, it wasn''t by more than three inches, so his ''loom'' got a little less loomy and a little more intimate. Then he said, ''Hey, Tabitha. I''m Rocky, and these..."


    I couldn''t help it. The second it registered I snickered, and snugged in close to him he couldn''t miss it. Also, I failed to control my snicker because when he spoke a wave of well past the sell by date meat wafted over me, and I had all I could do controlling my instinct to recoil vomiting.


    He still had one hand behind himself, trying to tuck my arm around him. He brought the other up and grabbed my hair. I brought my knee up into his crotch, and while my new Thighs of Thunder didn''t really let me get between his legs, my abortive kick had a lot more kick to it than I expected. He winced and pulled a bit at my hair, and I responded by yanking my head forward. Hard.


    My forehead crashed into his nose; I don''t know if he''d had it set, or if he healed fast, or what, but it made a satisfying ''crunch'' sound for the second time this week, and he staggered back. I grabbed his hand with my hair in and squeezed, forcing him to let go. I backed up a few steps and turned sideways, my right hand hidden behind me, half closed. He straightened with an angry scream and came at me, one hand swinging wildly. I caught it with my left, my palm stinging where it hit something metal as it tried to slide out of his sleeve. Before he could do more than curl his free hand into a fist, I brought my right around, hitting him square in the chest.


    With as much Mana as I could dump into a Stabilize.


    It Stabilized him right into the ground, where he lay in a puddle of something awful leaked from the dumpster, adding his own distinctive stink to it when he apparently lost bladder control. I watched him out of the corner of my eye as I looked at his flunkies and said, "Fuck with me again, and I stop playing nice."


    Tweedle Shorter whined, "This is you playing nice?" while Tweedle Stupider said, "We''ll report you!"


    I looked Tweedle Stupider right in the eye and replied, "Yeah. You go ahead and tell them you and your glorious leader tried to mug a Cadet. Twice. See how far that gets you."


    While he spluttered, and after I saw Rocky draw a shuddering breath, then start breathing more-or-less normally for a mouth-breather, I met each of his minion''s gazes and said, "Don''t. Fuck. With. Me... Capice?"


    They all backed down. I took that as agreement, turned on my heel, and walked back to the Academy.


    I learned something more than how to write my name today. I learned it feels really good, in that Big Girl Special Way, to be a Badass.


    Who knew?

 Day Thirty Four

    Dear Diary,


    Marshall duBois deserves some kind of award for Playing Way Stupider Than He Is. Seriously.


    So today started out pretty normal, at least normal for my days here at PCHA. Saffron knocked on my door, I answered naked, she gave me a really awful frown and asked, "Won''t your boyfriend get jealous?"


    I shook my head with a little chuckle, "Omigod, he is so not my boyfriend. Really not my type at all." A not very little white lie there, but just because he''s my type doesn''t mean he''s my boyfriend. Especially considering the whole ''Patron / Devotee'' relationship turned the entire concept into a sexual harassment nightmare. Nope, not even going there.


    Whatever she saw in my eyes must have convinced her, because her awful look melted into a smirk. "More fool him, then. See you at breakfast."


    She turned and walked off, and I got dressed for the day and followed her. Oddly enough, I got to breakfast before her. As she sat I paused my devouring for a moment and said, "You take the long way or something?"


    She blushed and replied, "I had to stop at the infirmary."


    I put on my best ''concerned friend'' face and asked, "Are you sick, or something? We can cover for you during PT and CT if you want." I nodded to the others, who both nodded agreement with me. The gobbos at the table didn''t chime in, but didn''t interrrupt either.


    Saffron shook her head. "No, I... I was... I had a condition. I''m good now, but I need to stop by the Infirmary at least once a day to deal with, ah, the aftereffects."


    I frowned at her, mentally telling her not to bullshit a bullshitter, but I only said, "If you''re sure?"


    She nodded, so I shrugged and went back to demolishing tray after tray of food, watching duBois out of the corner of my eye. Right after I stood to go, he called out, "Cadet Diaz, come up here."


    Pretty much every school I''d attended prior to this I''d have been accompanied by a chorus of ''ooh, somebody''s in trouble'', but here all I got were looks from the ROTC kids; I shrugged and waved them off, and they headed for the Practice Yard in a rush. I got to watch the rest of the Dining Hall react, something I normally couldn''t do, what with me being the front of the pack. First like half of our PT class got up and jogged after the ROTC kids, including one of the gobbos at our table who I hadn''t recognized all hunched over and gobbo-ing. Next, Larry and his wingmen stood, brushed down their uniforms, and almost-marched out of the room, followed by the rest of our PT. I say ''almost marched'', because my old ROTC DI used to drill it into us that a group of soldiers marching had a certain sameness to them, above and beyond any formation they kept in. A proper marching unit looked like a unit, not just a bunch of guys. Larry and his Losers seemed like each and every one of them had to make themselves distinct somehow, whether by not keeping pace with the others, strutting, walking out of line, or whatever.


    At any rate, I watched while they all left, then watched the Marshall taking his time finishing his food. He didn''t, like, deliberately fuck around or anything, but he wasn''t just shoveling in food as fast as he could. A minute after everybody left, he closed his eyes for a minute, and I barely made out his lips moving. Praying in the middle of a meal seemed kinda weird, but yesterday I literally sat down and had lunch with my own Personal Jesus, so I figure I''m not the best judge of odd.


    After that he went back to eating, and I just stood there at a reasonable Parade Rest while watching him eat. At one point I opened my mouth to ask if I could go back to my table and finish breakfast, but before I got a word out he held up a hand, forestalling me. To be fair, he''d almost finished everything on his plate, and he scooped up the rest into a single big mouthful and washed it down with the remains of the very-much-not-water in his stein.


    "Did you want to ask me something, Cadet?"


    "Doesn''t seem relevant any longer, Sir."


    He just nodded, wiped his mouth with a napkin, stood, stretched, and left the table, waving for me to follow him. We didn''t head for the yard. Instead, we climbed straight past that level of the Practice Yard, leaving the steps on the level above that. Doors lined the left wall, and in the daylight I saw nameplates on all the closed ones. Tall, skinny windows into the Practice Yard lined the right wall, and I caught glimpses of the other Cadets doing laps as I followed duBois. About a third of the way down the hall we turned and went through the door with the Marshall''s name on it. His office furniture matched my idea of him, all heavy indestructible shit like in the dorm rooms, albeit with slightly comfier chairs, and three of those to boot. I did not expect the papers covering almost every horizontal surface, and the shelves upon shelves of books above his desk really took me by surprise.


    He turned, spun his chair around to face me, and sat down. Slipping into Parade Rest seemed safer than trying for a seat. "Cadet Diaz, do you know why I''ve called you here?"


    "Not a clue, Sir."


    "At ease, Diaz." I relaxed a little, and obeyed his implied suggestion that I stop staring over his head at his bookshelf. He nodded and said, "Are you sure you have absolutely no idea why you''re in my office?"


    "Have I done something wrong?"


    He sucked at his teeth for a second before saying, "That remains to be seen. Humor me; if you had to guess why I called you up here, what would you guess?"


    If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    I shrugged and looked at the ceiling for a second before replying, "Well, it''s got to be something extraordinary, either good or bad. Since I know it can''t be about my Patron, I know it''s not about anything I''ve done on Mondays, despite what Sister Trease said."


    DuBois interrupted saying, "How do you know it can''t be about your Patron?"


    "You wouldn''t be giving me credit for something he did, and based on the laws about religious freedom in Phileo City, it would be illegal for you to punish me for my choice of Patron or anything I did as a Devotional Act to him." I laid that line down with sublime confidence, but let me tell you my asshole puckered like never before at the thought of straight up telling duBois what he could or couldn''t do.


    I tried not to let my relief show when he gave me an appreciative nod, "So you''ve been studying Phileo City Law in your spare time?"


    I shrugged again, "I get bored sometimes, and I read for fun. I can''t say I made any kind of real coordinated study of it, but I''ve got a copy of ''Law and Custom of Heroic, Phileo City Edition'' back in my room, and it''s good for nights when I can''t sleep."


    Marshall duBois managed to stifle his grin, but a small bark of laughter made it out of him anyhow. "So that''s where that copy went. Sister Cheryl will skin you for making off with one of our books. She''ll rub salt all over you if you''ve actually damaged it."


    I held one hand to my chest in the classic ''well, I never!'' pose and said, "Hurt a book? I don''t care what my Patron thinks about it, that''s sacrilege!"


    I''m not sure to praise you for a perfect lie, or be annoyed that you''re telling the truth.


    Ignoring my Patron''s buyer''s remorse, I smiled a little and said, "On the other hand, freeing poor imprisoned knowledge is absolutely an act I Devote to my Patron."


    I cannot wait to see where you take this next.


    The Marshall lifted both hands to cover his face, rubbing at his temples. After a few moments, he rubbed his face, shook his head, and exhaled explosively, like a whale blowing out steam or something. He looked at me and said, "Point to you, Diaz. Now. How did you get that cut in your uniform?"


    I gotta admit, that blindsided me just a little. Still, I don''t think I''d done anything wrong, so I just shrugged and said, "Some guys tried to mug me on my way home Tuesday afternoon."


    "And..."


    He wanted the whole story. I thought about it a second, figured if anything I''d done was against the rules, they were rules I didn''t know about, so just went with the straight up truth. "One guy a little taller than me, two shorter guys with knives, and three others behind me I didn''t get a good look at right away. I offered to just give them the stupid fake jewelry they wanted, but then they suggested they were gonna molest me, so I broke the big guy''s nose, stomped one of the shorter ones, and ran back to the Academy."


    His questions came at me rapid fire, as quick as my answers. "Just like that?"


    "Just like that."


    "How did your shirt get cut?"


    I thought a second, "Honestly? I''m not certain, but I think it got cut when I broke past the one little guy with a knife."


    "I thought you said there were two guys with knives?"


    "Yeah, but I never got close to the other one."


    "Can you describe them?"


    "The short guys not so much; just really short and wearing a lot of concealing clothes. The big guy''s name is Rocky. He looks kinda like some of the maids. Like, do you know Marie?"


    That made duBois pause a second. "You want me to bel..." He shook his head, "How are you even..."


    Finally, with a huge sigh, he said, "You''ll need to curtail your outings or take a guard with you." He held up a hand to forestall my complaint. "Not on Mondays, obviously. But if this Rocky comes looking for you while you''re on your own." He paused, shook his head. "I don''t even want to think about that, really."


    "He won''t."


    I''d heard the term ''piercing gaze'' before. Now I knew what it meant. "What. Exactly. Do you mean by that?"


    "I had some aggression to work out yesterday. I paid him and his thugs a visit, explained our relative places in the social hierarchy. He failed to object, and his lackeys seemed to agree with my assessment."


    He sucked on his teeth again, closed his eyes and said, "Is he dead?"


    "No! No, no, really, he was breathing when I left him. Hell, the worst thing I did to him was a healing spell."


    His eyes popped open. "A healing... you Stabilized him?"


    "Kinda, yeah?"


    "How bad did you beat him that he needed that?"


    "I didn''t, really. I hit him with it and that kinda ended the fight."


    I watched as he just kind of worked his mouth, no words coming out. I swear it looked like he couldn''t find a way to wrap his mind around the idea.


    "You put together a Stabilize in the middle of a fight? How did you keep him from seeing it?"


    "I kept it behind my back."


    The Marshall''s eyes went a little wider, "You put together a Stabilize without being able to see it?"


    "I mean, it''s a Cat''s Cradle, just with Mana. We used to do Cat''s Cradles all the time back in Camden." I''m no critic, but I think I nailed the ''we used to bull''s eye whomp rats'' energy with that line. Marshall duBois didn''t appreciate it. Philistine.


    "How did you avoid getting hit with both hands behind your back?"


    "Oh, I don''t think I could do that. I held him off with my right hand."


    He closed his eyes and very visibly counted to twenty. When he finished he spoke without opening them, "Cadet Diaz?"


    "Yes, Marshall?"


    "From this point forward, if you are in any altercation of any type with anyone on or off campus, you will tell me as soon as practicable. Since I have never known you to miss a meal, I expect that to be within eight hours. Do you understand?"


    I slipped back into Parade Rest without thinking about it, "Yes, Sir. Report any altercations to you directly as soon as possible, no longer than eight hours."


    "If you fail to do so, I will make you regret ever thinking of becoming a Hero. Do we have an understanding?"


    "Sir, yes, Sir!" I figured, ''fuckit'', and snapped off my best salute.


    He just shook his head as his eyes slid open. "You''re confined to quarters for the rest of the day. I''ll have Marie bring you your meals. Consider this a punishment for... ah, hell, I''m not even going to enumerate everything you might have done wrong. I''m pretty sure there''s more you haven''t told me, either. Consider this your blanket consequence for all of it, known and unknown."


    "That sounds more than fair to me, Sir." I mean, ''go to your room'', when I didn''t mind being in my room so long as I wasn''t locked in? Oh, no. Anyway...


    "Git. I''ve got to document all this in such a way that Trease doesn''t explode on reading it."


    "Yes, sir." I left his office, stopping at the Practice Yard window opposite his doorway. I leaned out to see how my friends were doing.


    Marshall duBois stood in the middle of the Yard, hollering at various Cadets to run faster, lift more, jump higher. I spun, and there he sat, and the same words, just muttered instead of screamed, filtered out of his office.


    Goddamn sneaky fuckin'' bastard. Fighting him would be a nightmare.


    Funny, I swear I heard him think something very similar about you.

 Day Thirty Five

    Dear Diary,


    Spent most of my In School Suspension yesterday reading from my copy of ''Law and Custom of Heroic''. Nothing really jumped out at me, but I learned a bit about traffic and commerce laws; either might come in handy at some point, I suppose.


    This morning when I opened my door Marie stood right behind Saffron, who had knocked. Other than rolling her eyes at my nudity, Saffron just walked away saying, "See you at breakfast."


    Marie didn''t say anything as I handed her my plates from yesterday, but when I asked, "Can you bring a bath by this evening after dinner?" she smiled her creepy all-fangs smile at me and nodded.


    With no interruptions today, and yesterday''s enlightenment about the Marshall using some kind of illusion to literally be in two places at once, I spent every second until he stood up shoveling food into my maw. Saffron and Angel shot me concerned looks as his plate got emptier and emptier, but I shook my head and they followed my lead, albeit with more ''eating at a reasonable, consistent pace'' and less ''consume mass quantities'', but still.


    Larry and his cronies actually got up before us, but their casual pace let us sprint past them and get to the Practice Yard first. Marshall duBois spoiled his glare at me by quirking one lip up in a crooked smile. Apparently he realized I''d caught on to his shenanigans. I''m not judging, by the way. I''m all about the shenanigans, if you hadn''t guessed by now, but I''m not going to buy into somebody else''s shenanigans unless I can see a way to profit from it.


    This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    So once Larry and the Losers got their slow asses in place, the Marshall called out, "Congratulations, Cadets. Enough of you have learned the basics of the Stabilize spell that I''m going to start teaching you some actual combat techniques as opposed to more small unit tactics practice."


    Larry displayed his impressively low IQ by choosing to interrupt the Marshall by calling out, "Finally, sparring!" while glaring at me.


    The Marshall practically teleported to stand in front of Lancaster, looming over him as he shouted into his face, "Did you think I''d finished talking, Cadet?! Front leaning rest position, Lancaster!"


    Apparently Lancaster knew that much, and didn''t have the intestinal fortitude to stand up to the Marshall, so he dropped into position to start doing pushups.


    "Despite some overeager Cadets deepest wishes, we will not begin with sparring today. Today we''ll be studying basic unarmed combat. How to throw a punch, how and when to kick or grapple, and most importantly how to take a hit or a fall."


    We spent the rest of the day doing just that, starting with ''how to make a fist''. I never really thought about it, but seeing how many of the non-Camden kids had no idea how to punch someone without breaking their own hands was amusing as hell.

 Day Thirty Six

    Dear Diary,


    You''d think someone with a knack for blending in would read people better.


    You''d think.


    On the other hand, I am an idiot. I''ve seen that written somewhere, I''m sure nobody would write it if it''s not true, right?


    Anyhow, after a day spent punching and kicking heavy bags and speed bags, I wasn''t tired, exactly, but I was really sweaty, and really glad I''d asked for a bath after dinner. I sweat enough that I could smell me, and that made for weird flavor combinations at dinner. Ham steaks don''t go badly with pumpkin pie spices, but chicken doesn''t, nor does beef. Nothing spicy tonight, and I''m not sure whether to be happy or sad about that, what with pumpkin pie spice pervading everything I ate.


    When I got to my room, Marie was waiting for me with her cart and bathtub. She pulled the cart in after us, set the tub in the middle of the room, and waited patiently while I peeled my sweat soaked uniform off. Our usual routine ensued, with her scrubbing and massaging my back and scalp until I felt like melting into a puddle. The big thing that kept me from relaxing entirely was my hands and shins; the former ached from punching things bare-fisted all day, the latter from kicking those same things; Marshall duBois focused on teaching us kicks that hit with our shins, since to quote him, ''you don''t have a bunch of little bones to break in your shin''.


    "Hey Marie? Could you maybe do that to my hands and shins as well?"


    She didn''t reply, but after dousing me with the second kettle instead of leaning me back for a reach-around frontal scrub, she moved around to my front, took hold of one of my hands, and plunged it under the water, where she kneaded it with her fingertips. The points of her claws gently scratched at me as she worked, reminding me how scary dangerous Marie registered as most of the time. Just now, though, I couldn''t be bothered to care, because my hands desperately needed the attention. After that she pushed my shoulder until I leaned back against one end of the tub, then pulled my shin out of the water, holding it above the tub while she scrubbed it with her spicy honey soap. Once she had my shin and calf clean to her satisfaction, she rested my heel against her belly and first skritched, then massaged my aching shin. It hurt while she did it, but afterward I think that shin hurt less than the other one, so I just moved like she told me when she switched legs.


    After she finished with my lower legs, she moved like she was about to start on my thighs, and I hurriedly pushed myself to my feet and said, "I''ll take care of that, Marie."


    She frowned, clearly upset though I had no idea why. After a moment she looked away and muttered, just on the edge of hearing, "Reported. Required."


    It took a second, but then I realized she was talking about my run-in with duBois and my In School Suspension. "Oh, Marie, that''s not a problem. We''re friends." She jerked a little, like she''d been poked, when I said that, but I continued on. "I don''t want you to risk your job for something petty like that."


    Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more.


    She turned away from me a little further, then said, "Betrayal."


    "No, it wasn''t," I lied, "you did what you had to do."


    I stepped to her end of the tub, put my arms around her, and squeezed her into a hug; the height difference with her kneeling meant I pretty much pulled the side of her head into my boobs, but I wasn''t worrying about that just at the moment. On the one hand, she was my friend and I wasn''t going to lose that over some frankly petty ''betrayal'' bullshit. On the other hand, I didn''t want to be locked into a tiny stone box with an upset seven foot tall woman with hands and teeth like a blender. After a bit where she just trembled, she turned her face back toward me, mushing my right tit as she did, and put her arms around my waist. I''m pretty sure they not only wrapped around me, but practically reached back to her own shoulders. When she let go and her hands trailed down my back, I stepped away just before they went south of my Mason-Dixon line.


    "I''m just not feeling being touched today." At her lifted eyebrow, I appended, "Okay, not in any private or semi-private zones." Flustered, I grabbed her loofa and washcloth and made with the cleaning of my front half, my butt, and my upper thighs. At some point in there she stood and pulled out the third kettle and poured it over me. I hadn''t even really twigged to the fact that other than sweat, I didn''t really have any water on my front; my scrubbing went a lot better with some lubrication. Once I managed to convince myself everything remaining was bathwater and soap, I nodded to her and she dumped the final kettle over me, rinsing me.


    After putting the kettle back, she pulled out a towel, holding it out to me with a single lifted eyebrow. I rolled my eyes a little, turned around, T-posed, and said, "Please, if you don''t mind?"


    I think I''m getting addicted to creepy-mommy-towelings. She dried me off, sat me down in my chair, and started in on my hair. Not just a hundred strokes, but a hundred strokes on each big portion of my hair, although how she decided where one tress left off and another started I had no idea. By the time she finished, I''d mostly gotten into the head space I needed to get to sleep. I stood, pulled her into a gentle hug, and said, "Thanks, Marie. I think I''m going to go to b... sleep now."


    Hugging Marie standing up was an entirely different kettle of fish than hugging her kneeling. I wasn''t face-first in her breasts, I was face first into her belly, with her boobs kinda settling on top of my head when she hugged me back. Before she got any ideas, I disengaged and tried to help her put her bath stuff away. She shook her head and waved me off when I tried to lift the full tub; I could lift without too much trouble, but Marie, apparently, was capital S Stronk; I got the impression she could one hand it if she got the right leverage.


    At any rate, she left for the evening, and I shut the light and settled down.


    I''m pretty sure my Maid was hitting on me, and not only hadn''t I a clue how to react, I hadn''t even much of a clue about how I felt about that.


    When I wandered out today I even asked Loki about it while we strolled around the town looking for something interesting to do.


    His response? "I''ve got six kids by three different partners, two of whom are two of my three ex-wives. I''m really not the best person to ask when it comes to relationship advice."


    Okay, he followed that up with, "But if you''re just trying to bed her? Just watch out for the teeth. You''d think the claws are a bigger problem, but they mostly leave superficial wounds. Bites can hurt."

 Day Thirty Seven

    Dear Diary,


    Remedial Mana Shaping again today. Once Doc had my detector set up and my bubble around me, I set to practicing my Status and Inspect spells. By halfway through the class I''d soaked my uniform with sweat again. I never thought I could exhaust myself sitting still, especially with more Endurance than any two normal people ought to have, but here we are.


    As I sat taking a breather, I remembered a couple things I''d wanted to ask, and raised my hand to get the teacher''s attention. They saw me and nodded after a few seconds, but it took them like half an hour to get Carruthers to the point he could practice by himself so they could disengage.


    "What did you need, Cadet Diaz?"


    I''d almost forgotten my question, but managed to remember the core of it. "Can a Spell like Inspect be used on more than one person, or do you need to reshape it for every person you want to Inspect?"


    They paused a moment, giving my question some thought before answering. "Inspect specifically ought to be able to target more than one person, although you''d need a fairly large spell to catch all of them in your Spell''s field of view. You''d also fill that same sized field of view with all the various Status screens, which might be counterproductive if you''re fighting multiple opponents."


    I frowned, "Could you retarget it on a new person, so you''re only looking at one Inspect at a time?"


    They frowned. "I''m... honestly not sure." They looked around the classroom, sighing when they saw Carruthers picking his nose.


    "Cadet Carruthers, come over here please."


    He jerked like he''d been slapped, trying to hide the booger on his finger as he stood and walked over to us. Doc took down my bubble while asking, "Do you mind if Cadet Diaz uses an Inspect on you?"


    He asked, "Can I do one on her?"


    "At the moment, no you can''t, because you''ve yet to successfully cast Status, let alone Inspect. Cadet Diaz, would you mind Cadet Carruthers practicing his Inspect on you in turn?"


    I shrugged. "Sounds fair to me."


    Doc positioned Carruthers at the far right of my field of vision, then moved themselves to my far left. That done, they put a protective sphere around us all, then a slightly smaller one inside that. "Now, Cadet Diaz, begin with Cadet Carruthers, then attempt to change the subject of your Inspect to myself."


    I nodded. "Okay. Why like that?"


    "For the same reason I took your left side. Inspect, like Status, essentially attempts to divine information from a being''s aura. Unless I am sorely mistaken, my aura is significantly more powerful than Carruthers'', which should make it easier for you to retarget your Inspect."


    "And you''re on my left because?"


    They nodded, "for many people the left side of their bodies is more in tune with their own aura. While that is not universally true, and the difference is typically marginal in any case, moving from dexter to sinister should be easier than the opposite."


    I think I really must have been a little nervous, especially with Doc putting up two layers of protective spheres before we started. "Dexter to sinister?"


    They nodded once more, this time looking a little abashed as they answered, "The technical Mana Shaping terms for dominant and submissive sides of a being. In a normal first year Mana Shaping class, we study the terminology almost exclusively for the first few weeks, but here in this class I''ve found it best to focus on a more hands on approach." They frowned, "You aren''t left handed, are you?"


    "Nope. Thanks for the info though. You both ready?"


    They nodded, and I turned my head just a little toward Carruthers, until I could barely see Doc in my peripheral vision. I pushed my Inspect spell out the same way I had in Basic Heroics, and within a second or so Carruthers'' Status screen floated before my eyes.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(52, 73, 94, 1)" width="100%">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td width="29%">


    NAME


    </td>


    <td width="69%">


    Linus Carruthers


    This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="29%">


    RACE


    </td>


    <td width="69%">


    Hybrid


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="29%">


    HYBRID


    </td>


    <td width="69%">


    Bag (6.25%) / Dan (12.5%) / Human (81.25%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="29%">


    AGE


    </td>


    <td width="69%">


    Young Adult


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="29%">


    ATTRIBUTES


    </td>


    <td width="69%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="29%">


    STRENGTH


    </td>


    <td width="69%">


    6


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="29%">


    AGILITY


    </td>


    <td width="69%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="29%">


    ENDURANCE


    </td>


    <td width="69%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="29%">


    REASON


    </td>


    <td width="69%">


    1


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="29%">


    MEMORY


    </td>


    <td width="69%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="29%">


    PERSONALITY


    </td>


    <td width="69%">


    1


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="29%">


    AFFINITIES


    </td>


    <td width="69%">


    Earth (6.25%) / Fire (9.375%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="29%">


    PATRON


    </td>


    <td width="69%">


    Apollo


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="29%">


    SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="69%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="29%">


    RESIST COMPULSION


    </td>


    <td width="69%">


    1 (+)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="29%">


    RACIAL SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="69%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="29%">


    RESIST CORRUPTION


    </td>


    <td width="69%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    I glanced over the sheet, just to make sure nothing seemed out of whack. When I got to the Resist Compulsion skill, I quietly asked, "is it okay to ask if I see something unusual about the results of my Inspect?"


    Doc''s answer came immediately, a sign they''d been thinking about me asking something along those lines, "If you were to reveal something personal about Cadet Carruthers without first asking his permission, that would be at the least extremely rude, as well as borderline illegal."


    "I don''t think it''s personal, but," I looked at Carruthers and raised an eyebrow. He just stared until I asked, "Do you mind if I ask Doc about something I see on your Status?"


    He thought about it for a bit. I swear I saw a little smoke coming out of his ears as the gears inside ground to life. Finally he nodded, "Yeah, that''s okay, just keep it quiet, ''kay?"


    I lowered my voice to a near whisper and said, "Next to one of Carruthers'' skills I see a plus next to the number. Is that a glitch?"


    In a similarly low tone they replied, "I don''t believe so. If Carruthers is technically a Young Adult, any except his Racial skills ought to be capped. That means that while he can practice, and he will gain marginally greater ability with those skills, until he becomes an Adult the skill will not rise. Upon achieving adulthood, such skills will rise very quickly." After a short pause, they continued, "That is, I suppose, one of the biggest reasons we strongly discourage graduation to Hero status for any student who is not yet an Adult; the limitations of Young Adulthood are a serious impediment, and could lead to death or injury in the field."


    I waited, but they were done speaking. "Okay, I''m gonna try to change targets." I turned my head, but even when I concentrated on Doc, who was directly in front of me, Carruthers'' Status screen remained stubbornly in place. I moved it around a bit, eventually looking directly between them, placing the Status screen over my view of Carruthers and then moving it through my field of view to where Doc stood. Still no joy. Eventually I got frustrated. "It''s not working."


    Doc patted me on the shoulder as they dispersed their protective bubbles. "Don''t be frustrated, Tabitha. Even coming up with a Spell which is functionally equivalent to an existing Spell can often take years of trial and error; changing the actual functionality of a Spell is substantially harder. Still, you have one of the most important qualities for a Mana researcher."


    I knew they were trying to console me, but I wanted some consolation, dammit. "What''s that?"


    "Changing a Spell at all requires casting it time and time again; most researchers seek out the most Mana efficient variation of the Spell before even attempting research. You, on the other hand, seem to have plenty of Mana not only to Shape your Spells, but to do so in the most Mana intensive way possible. If you could trim down the flamboyance, you would be an absolute natural at Spell research." They looked like they wanted to say more, but cut themselves off.


    "What else?"


    They smiled, "So perceptive. Spell Research is dangerous, Cadet. Very dangerous. Most researchers undertake their studies only due to some pressing external factor, and even then do so with the greatest of trepidation. You, on the other hand..." They petered off.


    "Go on," I prompted.


    They seemed to argue with themselves a moment before coming to a decision, nodding as they finished their sentence, "You, on the other hand, have absolutely no fear whatsoever."

 Day Thirty Eight

    Dear Diary,


    I''m not in a great headspace right now, and I''m glad I''ve got this diary to turn to.


    The day started out okay. Saffron woke me up, and I stood on tiptoe before I swung the door open just to see her reaction. Her gaze lingered just below my breasts for an endless moment before she snapped it up to meet my own, and I dropped back onto my heels with a chuckle.


    "Damn, girl. You''ve got some impressive abs going on there."


    "I know, right? I can''t really see them, but they felt like they''d been getting firmer." I grinned at her. "Wanna touch ''em?"


    That got the blush I''d been looking for. "NO!" she snapped, clearly lying and equally clearly unwilling to admit any such thing.


    "Your loss. I''ll see you at breakfast."


    That got me an eyeroll before she turned and walked away. I slipped on my uniform and hurried after her, catching up right as she got to our table in the Dining Hall. This morning we had sriracha eggs and scrapple with jalapenos mixed into it. Not exactly Camden food, but pleasantly spicy and familiar enough to feel like comfort food. I was real careful not to vacuum up all of both plates, leaving enough for the ROTC and gobbos to have a try. Bill wasn''t into it, and Fred spoke up to agree with him, but Angel, Saffron, Raven, and Bonita all complained that they didn''t get seconds. Go Team Spicy!


    We got another platter of sriracha eggs, but no more spicy scrapple. I only managed to get like a third of the eggs, too, because Angel snatched the tray away before I could devour it eggs and all, then gave each of the Cadets who wanted some a heaping helping before returning the denuded tray to me. It''s like she thought I wouldn''t leave any for anyone else.


    I mean, I wouldn''t have, but still.


    So we got to Geography and World Cultures and I realized Raven had the same class as the four of us ROTC kids. I realized why I hadn''t noticed her when she slid into a desk at the back corner of the room, popped open a sketchbook, and started drawing.


    Today we focused on Norfolk. I think it''s the same place as Norfolk back in the Eastside world, but I''m totally uncertain about whether the history of the town is the same, similar, or completely different. Folks from Scandinavia settled it, hence the name. Phileo City tangled with them once or twice, since they''re a port city right on the ocean, and they''ve tried to shut down the river ports like Phileo and Calverton City. Not just those two, but I didn''t really register the others as the list got longer. Apparently the ruling family of Norfolk has a tradition where every Prince or Princess who wants the big chair goes out and attacks someone they consider ''competition''.


    I raised my hand about then; when DeLeon called on me I asked, "Don''t the folks living in Norfolk get a little ticked about that? I mean, it''s not like they''ve won any of those wars."


    DeLeon nodded, "Fair question. While the Gormsson dynasty is significantly more aggressive than their kin back in Scandinavia, they''ve kept on most of the old ways as regards looting and division of loot. As such, they call for volunteers when they''ve readied their ships, and to date have never had to levy troops from their commoners."


    "Okay, so they''ve got enough rich sorts to mount an actual war?"


    DeLeon shook his head, chuckling, "No, nothing quite so bad as that, although they do have more overlap between ''wealth'', ''nobility'', and ''Heroic status'' than any of the Cities we''ve studied thus far. However, since most of the noble class marries to consolidate wealth, and commoners who survive a campaign often come home with a fair chunk of wealth and, occasionally, the title of ''Hero'', which is also their lowest noble title, they''ve always wound up with enough commoner volunteers to fill their ships."


    I pursed my lips, "But... they still always lose, right?"


    The teacher held out a hand and wobbled it in a ''so-so'' gesture, "It depends on your definition of victory. While they''ve yet to subordinate a single City to themselves, not even their closest neighbor Calverton City, they always sail home with ships loaded with as much loot as they can pack after burying their dead."


    This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.


    "So the commoners are rolling the dice on coming home rich?"


    "That''s about the size of it."


    Norfolk had more races living in it than any other City we''d studied so far, although apparently they all came from Scandinavia, and the City wasn''t particularly friendly to people moving from other Cities. They had Humans, of course, as well as some Aesir and Vanir Hybrids, most of whom were Heroes. They also had ''Dwarves'', ''Elves'', ''Trolls'', and ''Jotnar'', who according to the teacher were genuine giants, averaging around sixty feet tall.


    That kind of forestalled me asking why nobody had retaliated against Norfolk. If they could fight the other Cities long enough to fill their ships with loot without any giants, who wouldn''t fit in the ships in any case, trying to fight them when they had the fortifications and giants to boot would be a fancy form of suicide. I still kinda had an urge to smack them around, though, especially when I got my hands on one of the class'' textbooks during the second half of class and read how Camden Yards became a client-state to Phileo City during a particularly bad Norfolk raid.


    As DeLeon dismissed us for lunch, I wandered back to look at what Raven had drawn, since she never stopped doodling during class. That''s when I snagged the textbook to double check; Raven had drawn a better-than-perfect rendition of the map from the book. Where the book illustration had like one tree for ''forested'' areas, Raven drew in a forest, lots of trees all intermingled, and they looked almost like a photograph rather than a shitty woodcut. When I checked again at the end of class, she''d doodled in pictures of the races Deleon went over during the second half of class.


    At dinner I cornered her as she came into the Dining Hall. "For fuck''s sake, Raven, why are you here instead of an Art school?"


    She clutched her sketchbook to her chest, looking anywhere to avoid meeting my eyes. "No Art schools in Camden Yards. One here in Phileo, but they don''t take Camden kids."


    I shook my head and put one arm around her for a sideways hug. "Fuckers don''t deserve you. Have you shown any of that," I nodded to her sketchbook, "to the teachers here?"


    She shrugged, coincidentally scooting out of my hug at the same time, "Nah. Not like they''ve got Art classes here."


    I followed her over to the table, saying, "You really ought to tell one of them; it''d be a shame if you got your hands or eyes busted up or some shit and they didn''t do whatever it took to fix them right." At that point, we got to the table and each sat down to eat. Being an advocate for my fellow Cadets felt well and good, but I''d spent hours in a classroom since lunch, and needed to get me my eat on. Tonight we had beef; enough steaks for each of us to get one, some hamburger patties in gravy, and some shredded beef with enough pepper in it to burn nicely. We didn''t get a second tray of steaks, but I put away four loaves of bread making hamburgers out of the patties and some bits from the salad they put out to fill out the ''vegetables'' portion of our dinner.


    After dinner, I went back to my room, stripped down, and went to sleep.


    I don''t know long I slept, but I woke up whimpering. I''d had a nightmare. I''m no stranger to those; growing up in Camden had plenty of fodder for scary shit that might happen. This one, though...


    It started with me teasing the sharks at the aquarium. Just fucking around while cutting school, like you do. Then I was on the catwalks between the enclosures, looking straight at the motherfucker who shot me. As he shot me. In slow motion, I felt the bullet drill a hole into my forehead. Then it yanked me off my feet into one of the enclosures as it shattered the back of my skull, still in painful slow motion that let me feel each chip of bone tear its way free.


    I sank through the water forever, watching the sun get smaller and dimmer as I drifted deeper. My lungs kept trying to breathe, filling themselves with burning salt water. When my back finally touched the grainy silt at the bottom of the tank, more agony ripped through me as a few skull shards that hadn''t pulled free were torn away as the ''rock'' my head finally landed on pulled itself out from under me. The octopus'' arms wrapped around me and pulled me backward across the bottom of its tank, headed for a clump of assorted decorations in the deepest corner of the enclosure. A few rocks piled up on each other, some plants that moved like real plants instead of plastic, and the classic ''half buried treasure chest'' with a thin stream of bubbles trickling from its corners. My cephalopod savior held me to the stream of bubbles, but my lungs had already given up. He pulled me around, or maybe pulled himself around me, until one of his big round eyes stared into both of mine.


    I just lay there, being dead and all. He pushed me into the gap between the chest and its lid, prying it open so I fit. When he let go of me I fell into the chest; he tucked my legs in when they caught on the edge. I kept falling away from him, while seemingly getting no further from him.


    Then he shoved the lid shut, trapping me in darkness.


    They say that no matter how long a dream seems to last, it''s really just the few seconds before you wake up. I call bullshit on that right now, because I fell through darkness for an eternity, screaming with water-filled lungs until my voice gave out, leaving me whimpering in pain and terror as I fell through endless nothing black as pitch.


    I woke whimpering and couldn''t stop. I don''t think I''m going to get back to sleep tonight, either.

 Day Thirty Nine

    Dear Diary,


    Exactly how fucking fucked up does my life have to be for me to forget my own goddamned birthday?


    We''re not talking ''oh, I didn''t remember first thing in the morning that it was my birthday'', either. My birthday wrote itself into history like two fuckin'' weeks ago and I totally missed it. Not only that, it took Saffron damn near giving me a heart attack to remind me.


    Fuck.


    Anyhow, today started out pretty good for one where I hadn''t gotten much sleep. Saffron knocked to get me up, I picked my chair up and quietly set it so I could stand on it while I opened the door, and then watched her desperately try not to lose her shit when the door opened and left her staring at my sexy bits. When she got herself under some semblance of control she looked up at me, face pink and one eyebrow raised. "I''d ask if you do this on purpose, but the chair makes it kinda obvious."


    It took me a moment to think up a reply, so I just grinned down at her, trying to ignore how my boobs framed her face from this angle, hoping it distracted her from my momentary pause. "I''m just curious, I guess. I figure one of these days you''ll either get somebody else to wake me up or leap into my room and ravish me. Can''t wait to see which."


    She just rolled her eyes and walked off, flipping me off over her shoulder.


    I hopped down, got dressed, and put my chair back in place before following her to breakfast. Honestly I really hoped she didn''t start having somebody else wake me up. She''s the early bird among the four of us, and she woke me up in time to get to breakfast just as the Dining Hall finished laying it out. If somebody else had to wake me, that would leave me late to breakfast, and breakfast is the most important meal of the day, or so my Health teachers told me back at Eastside. The ''ravish me'' option... I mean, I''m not super into girls, especially ones that are smaller and girlier than me, but on the flip side girls are usually prettier and there''s no chance of getting pregnant. Given that the consequences I could envision included one I really didn''t want and one that I was kinda ambivalent toward, the smart thing to do would be to stop teasing her every morning.


    I mean, I''m not going to. I''ve never said nor implied I was smart, after all.


    I managed to get to the Dining Hall while Cadets were still filing in, and caught up with Saffron before we got to our table. "Hey Saff?" I said, putting one hand on her shoulder to stop her.


    She half turned, her expression guarded. "Yeah?"


    "Sorry if I upset you this morning. I had a really rough night. Nightmare woke me up and I couldn''t get back to sleep."


    She frowned, "That bad? Do you want to talk about it?"


    I thought about it; if I had to tell someone about the whole ''died in another world and wound up here'', Saffron wasn''t a bad choice. If she told me she''d keep it secret, she would. This wasn''t the time or the place, though. "Not right now." After a brief pause, I plastered a crooked grin on my face and said, "Messing with you in the morning is the bright spot of my day sometimes."


    She took me completely off guard when she turned and pulled me into a hug, the side of her head pressing against my tits through my uniform. As she let me go, she said, "I''m here if you need to talk." After a pause not unlike my own she grinned and said, "It''s not like it''s a bad first thing to see in the morning," before turning and heading to our table. If she''d blushed when she said that, I didn''t get to see it, because by the time I hit the table she''d focused completely on the food.


    I tore into breakfast like it owed me money, remembering one of my Eastside ROTC DIs favorite phrase when we''d go on weekend trips: ''Food can replace sleep''. He''d say that as if a granola bar choked down while marching made up for the fact that he''d woken us at three fucking AM. On the other hand, two trays of sriracha eggs, a tray of sausages, a tray of jalapeno scrapple, and uncounted loaves of bread might just give me the get up and go to get through the day.


    When we got to Basic Heroics, Marshall duBois was nowhere in evidence, but Sister Cheryl and Doc stood there chatting as we arrived. Doc turned to Saffron and asked, "So, do you still want to be Cadet Diaz'' practice partner?"


    She looked at me, saying nothing until I got a little nervous, then cracked a smile and said, "Sure."


    When Doc had us settled in the corner of the room with my Geiger counter on a desk next to us and my double trouble bubble in place, Saffron whispered, "just fuckin'' with you a little."


    I couldn''t help it, I cracked up. I''d focused so much on Saffron''s obvious moral code and smarts that I''d completely forgotten she might have a sense of humor.


    "Hey, before we get started, do you know how many times you had to cast Status before you got it as a Skill?"


    She frowned, more focusing than upset, for a few seconds until she said, "I''m not sure exactly how many, because as we neared lunch and dinner, I get a little wonky from lack of Mana by the end of a session."


    "Ballpark it?"


    She blinked, mouthing the word ''ballpark'' for a moment before shrugging and saying, "At a guess I''d say around two hundred fifty times. Since I''ve gotten it as a skill it''s become significantly easier. I''m guessing having a Spell as a Skill significantly decreases the Mana expenditure."


    I nodded. "That makes sense. Still, I think I''ve done Status at least twice that much, and still no Skill."


    She frowned, "I''ve watched you in class. You''ve gotten pretty good with that," she motioned to my eye, "Status variation you use, but I''m pretty sure I''m just as fast as you are, and not to put to fine a point on it, but everyone can tell when you''re casting. I don''t think you''ve put in more than half of my casts here in Basic Heroics."


    Before I could form a reply, she said, "I get you probably practiced a lot in Remedial Mana Shaping, but that''s only a half day. At best you''ve done," she paused a bit, mouth moving as she did math in her head, "around two hundred casts between both classes."


    I shrugged, "Yeah, but I practice in my room a lot."


    Her eyes got huge. "You do what?"


    I hid a wince. "Are we not supposed to do that?"


    She cocked her head sideways. "It''s not a rule, but with so many things that can go wrong, it''s not a popular hobby. Also, I get that the thick walls probably block most of it, but you''re not that far from the Infirmary; the unbound Mana..."


    I cut her off, pointing at the Mana counter. "Watch."


    I cast Status, dismissed it, cast Assess Health on Saffron, dismissed it without looking, cast a quick Stabilize with my right hand, dispersing it by pushing it into my right thigh, ignored my thigh jumping around because I was a little pissed off, and cast an Inspect on Saffron.


    Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(52, 73, 94, 1)" width="45%">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    NAME


    </td>


    <td width="75%">


    Saffron Aetos


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACE


    </td>


    <td width="75%">


    Hybrid


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    HYBRID


    </td>


    <td width="75%">


    Bag (12.5%) / Human (87.5%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGE


    </td>


    <td width="75%">


    Young Adult


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ATTRIBUTES


    </td>


    <td width="75%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    STRENGTH


    </td>


    <td width="75%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGILITY


    </td>


    <td width="75%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ENDURANCE


    </td>


    <td width="75%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    REASON


    </td>


    <td width="75%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MEMORY


    </td>


    <td width="75%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PERSONALITY


    </td>


    <td width="75%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AFFINITIES


    </td>


    <td width="75%">


    Air (6.25%) / Earth (9.375%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PATRON


    </td>


    <td width="75%">


    Artemis


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="75%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    STATUS


    </td>


    <td width="75%">


    1 (+)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MANA SHAPING


    </td>


    <td width="75%">


    1


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACIAL SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="75%">


    None


    </td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    I just stared, lowkey seething, at Saffron''s annoying ¡®one plus¡¯ in Status while she stared at the counter. After a few moments, she looked down, then her expression firmed and she looked me in the eye. "I''m sorry, Tabitha. I get a little irrational where my... I''m sorry. I jumped to conclusions."


    I sighed, consciously letting go of my anger. "It''s okay. I''m in Spec Ed Mana Shaping, after all, I can see where you''d be a little edgy around me."


    She shook her head. "That''s no excuse for ignoring the fact that as flashy as your casting is, you''ve got complete control of it from everything I can see." She actually slid out of her seat and went to one knee in front of me. "Please, forgive me."


    I pulled her to her feet into a quick hug. "There''s nothing to forgive. You didn''t do anything wrong, and it''s in the past."


    That was a little bit of a lie, but any residual anger redirected itself when Lancaster muttered, "So, you two Bag engaged now?"


    I looked over at him and shaped Mana with my right hand while staring him right in the eye. "Hey, Lancaster, I need someone to practice my Stabilize on."


    "What, you don''t want to zap your girlfriend? I thought Bag were into that shit."


    I shook my head, "She''s perfectly healthy, but you seem to be suffering from some brain damage, I thought I''d see if electroshock therapy might do you some good."


    He shoved his chair backwards, taking half a step toward me while growling, "Fucking Bag trash. I''ll teach you your place."


    I dispersed my Stabilize into my own leg, then turned my best ''threatened innocent'' face to Sister Cheryl, who looked like she intended to intervene already. "Sister Cheryl? Please tell Cadet Lancaster to stop making potentially legally actionable racist remarks? I feel threatened, and he''s ruining the learning environment."


    Lancaster just stood there gaping while Sister Cheryl descended on him, a vengeful nerf cloud of disappointment whispering from her as she guided him out into the hallway to ''have a discussion''.


    I kept it low, but I couldn''t help letting out a snickering chuckle as the door closed. Saffron just looked at me, a weird smile on her face.


    "What?"


    She shook her head. "Nothing, really. Do you mind if I practice my Inspect on you now?"


    I held a friendly smile on my face despite the screaming terror of discovery her words prompted. "Sure. Just give me a chance to explain if anything is really wonky?"


    "I already said I would, Tabitha."


    She focused on me, moving her hands through the passes of the Inspect Spell. The moment she finished, her expression lit up, and she giggled a moment before cutting it off. "I got it right on the first try!"


    "Congrats!" I said, but she''d already dove into picking through my Status screen.


    The first thing out of her mouth took me by surprise, "Why did you lie about your age?"


    I frowned, "I didn''t?"


    "It says here you''re a Young Adult. You told me you''re a Juvenile."


    I sat there, my mouth open, for long enough for her to reach out and push it closed. "Did you actually forget about your birthday?"


    My face heated, and I looked away from the class before muttering. "Fuck. Yeah."


    "So when was it?"


    While waiting for my face to cool down I mumbled, "August first."


    "August? What calendar are you talking about? I didn''t know the English had their own calendar."


    "Uh... about two weeks ago now?"


    "Two weeks?! We definitely need to have a party for you." She hummed a little as she looked over my Status screen. "You''re Human, Bag, Dan, and Vanir?" She looked at me curiously.


    I shrugged. "I guess? I haven''t talked about it a lot, but I really never knew much about my dad."


    She grimaced. "Yeah, tell me about it." She turned back to my Status screen, moving her hand as she paged through it. My gut clenched, hoping she hadn''t switched to the second Status screen. "This is really weird. You''ve got the Mana Shaping Skill. I mean, you don''t just have it, which is really weird if you''re a Juvenile, but you have it to Rank fucking six?" She hissed those last words, like she wanted to yell but didn''t want to call attention to us.


    "I dunno. It was just there the first time I managed to get Status right. What do you mean ''weird if I''m a Juvenile''?


    "Juveniles can''t get Skills. Okay, they can get Racial Skills, I guess, but those are more instincts than proper Skills."


    I frowned, "Aren''t Skills just Spells practiced until they''re on a level of instinct?"


    She got a thoughtful look on her face. "I never really thought about it that way, but given that Racial Skills exist, that makes sense. But other than Racials, Juveniles aren''t supposed to have Skills at all, and if Young Adults get Skills, they''ve got that cap thing going on. You''ve actually got fucking Mana Shaping to rank six. Six! You ought to be teaching this class, not stuck in Remedial Mana Shaping."


    I shook my head. "Like I said, I have no idea why I''ve got it, or how it got so high," I lied.


    Saffron frowned and said, "Do you mind if I try this a bunch more?"


    "You aren''t going to tell Sister Cheryl?"


    Saffron snorted, "At this point it might be something I''m doing wrong casting the Spell. Even if it isn''t, I don''t see any evidence of something I would have to report to the instructors. I mean, what am I going to tell them? ''Headmaster, Tabitha''s Status is weird!'' At best I''d get duBois telling me ''like anything about her isn''t?'' Not exactly the kind of reputation I want to foster."


    I let out a breath I''d been holding without realizing. "Thanks."


    "De nada."


    "I''m okay with you practicing Inspect so long as you don''t mind me doing the same."


    She shrugged. "The counter says your weird eye-Inspect is safe, and I haven''t been flash fried with loose Mana, so let''s do this thing." She paused, then said, "If you could, keep half an eye on the counter, just in case something one of us does makes it unsafe in here?" She tapped the nearest surface of the bubble to indicate what she meant.


    We spent the rest of the morning and all afternoon practicing, but my Status stayed static, no new Skills, no other changes. Oddly, despite Saffron saying Inspect saw me as Young Adult, when I Shaped Status it showed my Age as Juvenile. Or Juuvielle, which... was the same-ish, right?


    Saffron wound up getting Inspect and Assess Health to Skill rank one, and got a plus on her Mana Shaping. Because she''s a genius and I''m an idiot. But I knew that.

 Day Forty

    Dear Diary,


    Yesterday was pretty good, and despite today being Remedial Celtic, today started off pretty good too.


    I woke to Marie knocking on the door, delivering a load of clean uniforms. I thanked her, pulled one on, and headed off to breakfast.


    While I won''t say I ate less than I do normally, I''ve realized I eat at a way less frenetic pace on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Tuesday and Thursday I''m casting for all I''m worth most of the day, and Saturday and Sunday I''m working my nonexistent ass off. That''s a thing I never thought I''d be upset about with a high metabolism; I don''t seem to be able to pack any junk in my trunk, no matter how much I eat. How will I ever catch the attention of Sir Mixalot or one of his devotees?


    Eh. If it''s not pleasantly padded, it''s certainly made of steel.


    Anyhow, I had time to look around the Dining Hall as I packed away a few trays of spicy morning food, and I noticed all but one of the other tables seemed to be getting the new offerings as well. Out of all the other tables, the Barbie Brigade alone had stuck with pure wipipo food. Even the high table at the front had a pile of sriracha eggs, although as I watched the teachers had mixed reactions to them. DuBois took seconds. Sister Cheryl and Sister Siobhan both surprised me by savoring them. Headmaster Miles ate his mechanically, as if he didn''t much like them, but wasn''t about to offend the cooks. Smart man. Sister Trease took one bite and lost her shit, immediately chugging her entire stein of water, which had the predictable effect of making the whole thing worse. She half stood, as if she meant to assault the server physically, but Headmaster Miles called her to heel with a few quiet words that didn''t carry back to the ROTC table. A few other profs tried them with varying degrees of appreciation, but DeLeon not only enjoyed his so much he wound up snagging more servings until he depopulated the tray, but he also convinced Doc to take a few bites. When they reached for their water, DeLeon intervened and convinced them to kill the burn with some bread instead. Not the best solution, but far from the worst.


    So breakfast was pretty good, both the food and the floor show.


    Remedial Celtic was... Remedial Celtic. What with Loki showing up in his ''Lyman'' disguise and helping me learn to write the words for ''Hooked on Brain Brands Worked for Me!'', the class only counted as boring and painful, not hellish torture. Amazing what actually seeing progress does for your outlook.


    So Saffron was waiting for me when I got out of Remedial Celtic. That kind of surprised me, since most classes let out at just about the same time. "Hey Saff! Your class dismiss early or something?"


    She glanced at her toes before replying, "I, uh, don''t have a Friday class."


    That bumped me into full-on curiosity, "Wha? Seriously? The only day I''ve got off is Monday, and that''s not exactly ''day off''. More ''self-directed learning''. How''d you score that?"


    She raised her gaze to meet mine. "Remember that medical condition I mentioned?"


    "Yeah?"


    She nodded, "I''m dealing with the consequences of that on Fridays."


    "So you''re skipping treatment to be here?"


    She shook her head and smiled. "Not really. To be honest, it gets boring sometimes, but in some ways I really enjoy it. But I cut out a little early today to meet you here."


    The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.


    I leaned up against the wall next to her. "So, what did you want to talk about away from the others?"


    She glanced around, as if she expected to see what she wanted to talk about written on the walls or floor. Eventually she apparently found it on the ceiling, because she stared at it and said, "You know, a lot of the shit you pull could be considered flirting."


    Oh, shit. I mean, not ''oh, shit, I''m in trouble'', but ''oh, shit, this is way more serious and personal than I thought it would be''. Still, I rallied, "Yeah, I guess it could."


    She had a little silent argument with herself after that, nodding and shaking her head while mouthing words. I just stood there, letting her work it out in her own time. Eventually, after a minute or so, she glanced at me out of the corner of her eye and said, "Are you serious about it, or just playing around?"


    I couldn''t help it. In my best Spanish-accented falsetto I said, "Why don''t we have both?" Then I broke down giggling for a bit, one hand held up begging her for patience. She looked a little bit annoyed, but also a little amused, and whichever she felt more, I didn''t take that long to get myself under control. "Sorry. One of those ''you hadda be there'' jokes. Seriously, though, I''m mostly playing around, because I love your reactions; sometimes they''re the only good part of my day."


    If that disappointed her, she hid it well. "So you''re not into girls?"


    I tilted my head forward so I could roll my eyes up as if I was looking over a pair of glasses at her. "My Patron. Is Loki. Perfect. Fit."


    She looked a little disappointed at that, but just nodded, firmed up her shoulders and said, "Okay, I''ve taken up enough time with this, let''s get down to lunch."


    I pulled her into a side-hug as we walked, and she didn''t resist, but she didn''t lean into it either, just kind of sighing when I pulled her close, then again when I let go of her. When we got down to the Dining Hall, she surprised me by jumping in front of me, hopping up to wrap her arms behind my neck and give me a quick peck on the cheek, then pull me into the Hall with her still dangling, gaze focused on her.


    Which is why I totally didn''t notice anything out of the ordinary until Angel, Bill, and the gobbos shouted ''Surprise!''


    I don''t know how they''d gotten the paper for the obviously homemade ''Happy Birthday'' banner, or gotten the cooking staff to bake a cake, but they had. The cake was a triple tier thing with too-big candles stuck on it, and the banner sagged between the three gobbos holding it up, but... Cake. Banner. Surprise party.


    I think I teared up a little. Really.


    So Saffron towed me to my seat and sat me down in front of the cake while the gobbos folded up the banner. Angel looked me in the eye and said, "I hope you''re planning on sharing that cake. Took us more than a bit to get it right. Looked up English birthday celebrations for the candles even."


    I pulled the cake to me and put my arms around the base, glaring at everyone else at the table. "My cake! Mine!" then hissed like a cat until I broke down laughing. I pulled out my knife and cut the top tier and a good chunk of the second into generous helpings for the other ROTCs and the gobbos. Once I handed them out and everyone else started eating, I just went ham on the rest. I think I finished my lion''s share of the cake before any of them, even Angel, who could pack away food pretty well her own self. Funny thing, when I looked around, the second fastest to down all their cake wasn''t Angel, but Saffron. That surprised me, since she normally ate pretty fastidiously. Maybe she had a hitherto undiscovered sweet tooth?


    "We didn''t really have time to get presents or anything. Sorry about that," Bill muttered through a mouthful of cake.


    I just shook my head and replied, "Seriously, guys, I hadn''t even expected this much. It''s all good. I love you guys."


    Everybody pretty much blushed and got to the serious business of eating, although we did a lot more bantering than normal. The gobbos even joined in, albeit with more than a bit of trepidation.


    After lunch, I debated going out again, but eventually decided against it. I wanted to get the girls something to show them how much I appreciated the party, but I didn''t feel like dealing with Rocky today if he showed up looking for a fight. Instead I spent the afternoon in my room, door cracked open in case anyone wanted to stop by, reading my library books and practicing my Spells. I fell asleep the moment my head hit the pillow.


    My cephalopod savior stuffed me into a chest, my lungs painfully full of water and what few brains I had leaking out the back of my skull. I fell into the chest screaming wordlessly, watching the tiny slit of deep blue green light get smaller and smaller. I screamed until my throat couldn''t scream any more, until all I could do was curl into a fetal ball and whimper as I fell into darkness.


    I woke up curled into a ball whimpering. No sleep for Tabitha tonight.


    Fuck.

 Day Forty One

    Dear Diary,


    I''ve decided. I love having duBois as a teacher. I mean, at some point I want to kick his ass all over the Practice Yard. Not because I''m mad at him or anything, but it would definitely be one of those personal achievement bucket list things. I''m not sure if I''m gonna add him onto the people I want to sleep with yet, but signs point to yes.


    Not, like, any time soon. Ew. He''s not a pedo and I''m technically underage and one of his students. But give it ten years or so, once I''m out of school and he''s looking at retirement, I think I could beat a gold watch hands down.


    Yeah, I''m not real coherent today. I''m not super sober, possibly hung over, and I''ve gone more or less without sleep two nights this week, including last night, Friday night, the night before Saturday, the day I have Physical Training with Mister Friendly and Sadistic Marshall duBois.


    And now my brain has been taken over by Kronk.


    Right. Today started pretty good, at least compared to the shitty night that proceeded it. Saffron knocked on my door, and I crawled over and pulled it open far enough for her to see me. She looked down, saw me naked on hands and knees, and started with her customary, ''What the fuck, Diaz?'' before stopping herself mid-fuck. She slipped into my room, pushed the door most of the way closed, and lit my desk lamp until dim light suffused the room. She reached down, lifted me more or less to my feet, and helped me back to my bed. "What happened to you?"


    "Nightmare."


    She just stared at me, one eyebrow raised, before sitting down next to me and putting an arm around me. "I''m scared to ask exactly what you dreamed about."


    I shuddered, opened my mouth to explain, discarded half a dozen different ideas before they could form into words, and closed my mouth again without speaking.


    Saffron pulled back, pulled one leg up onto the bed so she could turn to face me squarely, then turned me so I had no choice but to look at her. "Tabitha, while you have been reckless, rude, vulgar, and even on occasion profane, not once have I seen evidence of cowardice from you. If something scared you too much to sleep, it''s something deeply upsetting."


    I shook my head, trying to figure out how to explain without, y''know, telling her about the whole ''died, isekai''d, incarnation of Evil'' thing. All I could force out? "But... it''s not. It shouldn''t be!"


    "Sometimes talking helps?"


    I nodded, sighed, and tried again. "I''m back at the aquarium." She nodded in mistaken understanding, putting one arm around me and pulling our foreheads together, wiping tears I hadn''t known I cried from my eyes.


    I blinked and forced myself to continue. "I''m in the water. I''m in the water, and an octopus shoves me into a chest, and I''m dead, but I can still hear and see and feel everything that''s happening. The octopus shuts the lid, and I''m falling further and further into darkness. Forever."


    She blinked, an idea obviously taking shape in her mind. I couldn''t bring myself to distract her; I just leaned against her, quietly weeping away leftover terror.


    Quietly, as if afraid I''d bolt, she whispered, "I had nightmares about the aquarium too. I..." She stopped, shaking her head without moving it from mine. "I''m ashamed. I''m ashamed because you told me your nightmare while you''re still shivering from it, and I can''t bring myself to tell you details about mine, even though I haven''t had one since that week."


    I smirked through my tears. "You got over PTSD in a week, and you call me brave?"


    She mouthed ''ptsd'' without speaking, so I filled in, "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Battle Fatigue. Shell Shock. Happens to soldiers and other folks in terrifying situations who can''t run away, but can''t give into terror during the thing, or they''ll die, so they just... repress it."


    "So, they repress it. That''s how you survive."


    "Yeah, but all that repressed shit doesn''t disappear. Once you''re out of the survival situation, sometimes it all bursts out at once, sometimes it leaks out in dribs and drabs. Sometimes it feeds on itself and even gets worse as time goes by. Sometimes if the survival situation goes on long enough, it starts leaking out anyway. Random outbursts of inappropriate emotions, even violent ones."


    By this time Saffron nodded along, as if everything I said made sense to her, but she''d never put it all together. "Where did you learn about this?"


    "You mean, other than growing up in Camden?"


    That got a lopsided grin out of her. "I recognize the symptoms from growing up there, yes, but I would never have thought to put the pieces together like that."


    I smiled back. "I can''t take credit, as much as I''d like to. One of my teachers, er, tutors. A military retiree. He told me about it and said that most of the kids from Camden he mentored showed signs of having it. Having it really bad."


    She nodded again, still never taking her head from mine, which felt really weird as her forehead rubbed across mine. "Yeah. I''m not surprised."


    We sat there like that for a bit until I took a deep breath and said, "Not saying I wasn''t shivering from waking up with fear sweats, but right now I think I''m shivering because it''s fuckin'' cold in here." I glanced down at my own front, and Saffron''s gaze instinctively followed mine to rest for a split second on my nips, which presently confirmed my statement about my room being, as noted, fuckin'' cold.


    She rolled her eyes heavenward, pulling back as she did so, but laughing as well. "You, Tabitha Diaz, are incorrigible." She paused, staring me straight in the eye while giving me the impression she''d like to be looking elsewhere and being anything but straight. "And irrepressible. Never change."


    With that, she walked to the door, but before leaving turned to ask, "Will you be okay? Do you need me to walk you to the infirmary? Or tell duBois that you''re not well enough for PT today?"


    I plastered on a look of mock horror. "I may be brave, but I''m not brave enough to miss duBois'' class!" She laughed as she turned to go, and I called out, "Save me some spicy eggs!"


    "No promises!" she called back, prompting me to move my ass and get dressed before she managed to eat or otherwise dispose of all the eggs just to fuck with me.


    So breakfast was breakfast. Nothing special, although Saffron did try to pig up all the spicy eggs, but I managed to out eat her. Kind of surprising that she even came close, but maybe whatever weird illness consequence thing she had going on made her crave protein or something. Then again, she''d been pushing herself at PT, both building her Endurance and upper body Strength, which might explain it as well.


    When we got out to the Practice Yard, duBois had us break up into groups as usual, although after taking one look at me he had me wait next to him while he gave the rest of the class their marching orders. Once he had them all working without any direction from him, he put one hand on my shoulder and muttered, so low I almost couldn''t hear it over the Cadets exercising, "Play along."


    Then he barked out, loud enough to hurt my ears, "You think just ''cause you scored top in Endurance you don''t NEED to work your Endurance up? You''ve got another think coming, Cadet! Inner track, MOVE!"


    I moved. I full on sprinted, with duBois keeping pace the whole time, along the ''inner track'' of the Practice Yard perimeter. It basically consisted of the third and fourth rows of paving stones from the edge, and while it obviously had less distance, duBois sometimes used it to have Cadets do wind sprints as opposed to distance runs. He barked at me as we ran, shouting any time I slipped out of a flat out dash. The other Cadets cleared the inner track, since none of them had wind sprints this morning and he and I were both moving fast enough to seriously injure somebody if we ran into them. I mean, I''d probably hurt myself, and might hurt somebody like Saffron or Bill, but if duBois ran into somebody he''d splatter them like Truck-kun on a bad day.


    Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.


    So I got the shock of my new life when he literally body-checked me as we passed one set of doors, slamming me straight through them. I stared in confusion at the closed doors we''d just passed through, the same doors also standing conspicuously open. When I heard him screaming at me from the track on the other side of the doors, I twigged to what was going on.


    "How often do you use those illusions?"


    He chuckled. "That''s ''how often do you use those illusions, Sir'', and the answer is ''I''ll never tell!'', possibly with an over the top laugh if I felt like hamming it up."


    I clapped one hand over my mouth to stifle my laugh, and used the other to gently and quietly swing the door shut. The moment he had the other door closed, he waved me toward the stairs, and we walked up to his office. When we got there he gestured for me to sit down, then closed the door behind him.


    Sitting there in the half-light of his desk lamp, with stuffed bookshelves blocking the light from his office windows, he dropped into his chair, looked me square in the eye, and said, "What''s wrong?"


    I wracked my brain, trying to figure out what I''d done since our last discussion, but nothing terribly damning came to mind. I mean, yeah, I kinda habitually teased Saffron with morning nudity, but she didn''t strike me as the type to go snitching to duBois before asking me to stop.


    Which, now that I thought of it, she''d never actually done.


    That aside, I couldn''t think of anything. I plastered on my best confused innocence and said, "I''m not sure what you mean, Sir."


    He frowned at me a second, then sighed. "You''re not in trouble, Diaz. Not yet, at any rate. What you are is packing enough luggage to carry Lancaster''s wardrobe in one go." He tapped my cheekbone and I got it.


    "I''m sorry, Sir. I... didn''t sleep well last night."


    He just snorted. "Diaz, ''didn''t sleep well'' for one night isn''t enough to put a spontaneous marathon runner as close to the edge as I can tell you are." He held up one hand to forestall my denials, not that I had any really ready to go yet. "I''ve seen plenty of soldiers on the edge. You''re showing some signs of that, and you''ve got eye bruising like somebody broke your nose. I know you''re not dehydrated; I''ve watched you down gallons of water every time you''re in the dining hall. That means you''re Spell Shocked and losing sleep because of it." He leaned forward, made sure I was looking him straight in the eye and said, "Out. With. It."


    I''d done this with Saffron, who had no fuckin'' reason to be all helpful with me after I''d been teasing her for weeks, I could do this with duBois. I drew in a deep breath, squared my shoulders, and said, "I didn''t sleep last night."


    He leaned back, nodded, and after a moment said, "because..."


    Another deep breath. "Nightmares. Nightmare. Woke me up, couldn''t close my eyes afterward."


    He pursed his lips and nodded, "I''ve had nightmares too nasty to get back to sleep after a time or two..."


    I interrupted, suddenly needing him to understand. "No, sir. Not ''I couldn''t get to sleep'', although that''s not wrong. I could. Not. Close. My. Eyes."


    He sucked his teeth and let out a low whistle. "Well. That''s worse than anything I''ve ever gone through, but I can empathize." He paused for a bit, then asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"


    I nodded, then shook my head, then nodded again. As I sat there trying to think of what I wanted to say, how much I should tell him, and above all how to phrase it so I didn''t sound like a complete nutcase, duBois'' voice screaming ''Don''t you FUCKING slack on me, Diaz!'' floated up from the Practice Yard, audible even through the window and the closed door. I couldn''t help it, I snorted, chuckled, then started crying. Not, like, sobbing uncontrollably, but water leaked from my eyes, my nose ran, and every couple seconds a hiccough-like sob made me twitch, forcing me to speak a word or two at a time.


    "Sorry. Sorry, Sir. It''s. It''s fuckin'' stupid."


    He held a hand up, palm outward, "If it''s affecting you this much, it doesn''t matter if it''s stupid or not, Diaz. If I may be permitted to borrow one of your favorite phrases, ''It''s fucking with you''. Now, in your own time, out with it."


    I nodded, then sat there for a bit while listening to the sound of him screaming imprecations at me trickled in from the Practice Yard. He must have noticed, because he smiled and said, "Keep this a secret or I''ll end you, but I am indeed mortal, and fuck up now and then myself. But it would spoil the illusion if I stopped it now."


    That got a genuine laugh out of me. Weak, but genuine. I thought about what I wanted to say, lining the words up in my head like soldiers stacking up to breach a doorway. I expected to blurt them out all in one big splurt, but they flowed out smoothly, even a bit monotone. "I dreamt I was back at the aquarium. I fell into the water, already dead, but too stupid to just stop and let go. I felt the injuries that killed me, felt shit that ought to be inside leaking out as water rushed in. Then that octopus grabbed me and shoved me into..." I stuttered a second, trying to think of a more descriptive term, but in the end just let, "shoved me into a chest," come out. "Then I fell into the chest, like it had no bottom. I fell, and fell, and fell, with the tiny slit of light above me getting smaller and smaller and smaller."


    My voice shrank as I repeated the word ''smaller'', until I barely breathed, "I never stop falling, ever. Just falling into the dark and cold until I woke up with my voice too hoarse to scream."


    DuBois ruffled one hand through his hair. "I get that some of our Cadets can get... noisy, and everyone else still needs to get all the sleep they can, but this would be one of the big downsides to soundproofing the Cadet cells."


    Without really thinking about it, I asked, "Are the Cadet suites soundproofed too?"


    He chuckled at my question, "Not by the school. Pretty much everyone who can afford a suite can also afford personal noise suppression, and in any case the only ones they can complain about are their fellow scions, which they won''t do because politics."


    "Why can''t they complain about the Cadets in the cells?"


    He grinned at me, the expression there one instant and gone the next, so quickly I almost thought I''d imagined it. "Because the soundproofing goes both ways. Kind of like some of the Cadets. Which is really why we put the soundproofing in place in the first place."


    I swear, if I''d been drinking something, I''d have done a picture perfect spit take at that. I spluttered my way through half a dozen comebacks before I realized the moment had mostly passed, and settled on, "Are you sure you ought to be telling that kind of joke to a student, Sir?"


    He looked me square in the eye and held eye contact while he said, "I know that Status and Inspect lump everyone into ''Juvenile'', ''Young Adult'', ''Adult'', and a few other categories, but that''s more or less exactly what they''re doing. Lumping people into categories. I''ve known twelve year olds from... bad places... who have more emotional maturity than any forty year old I''ve met, and I''ve known grown assed adults who displayed more childish ignorant pettiness than any four year old I''ve ever seen. We''ve got a lot of you Camden Yards kids this year who still technically rate as ''Juveniles'', and all the Global Spells will slot you into categories because of that, but I swear most of you are downright pathologically mature for your ages."


    "Uh..." I couldn''t think of what to say to that. I blame it on lack of sleep.


    He smirked and said, "To make a long story short, I know, too late, but Phileo City Heroic Academy isn''t a kindergarten or Friends prep school. In general we don''t teach reading, writing, and arithmetic except in the broadest of senses. We''re a military Academy, and historically less than three percent of any given class qualifies as ''Juvenile'', and all of those scored well above what their supposed ''superiors'' did on the entrance exams."


    "What about this year, sir?"


    "Way more than three percent. And as a group, you Camden Yards kids beat the shit out of the Old Guard kids on the exams. Not that I''ll admit to telling you that, so keep your mouth shut about it. Got it?"


    "Yes, Sir!"


    "Good. Now, is this the first night this week you''ve gone without sleep?"


    I shook my head, not trusting myself to not fall apart if I started talking about it again.


    "Okay then. That makes a little more sense. How many times previously?"


    I whispered, "one."


    He spoke quietly, surprisingly so. "Okay then. The way I see it, you''ve got two options here. Either you head down and talk this over with Sister Siobhan right now," he paused, and without even thinking about it I shook my head the tiniest bit, "or you can employ some questionable self-medication to get enough rest to be functional for Combat Training tomorrow."


    "Self-medication, Sir?" He couldn''t be suggesting what I thought he was suggesting.


    He proved me dead wrong when he reached into a drawer in his desk and pulled out a dusty old bottle. "I usually save these for graduation, or as a reward to myself for not summarily executing pricks like Lancaster''s father, but I''d say this one''ll be dying for a good cause." He handed me the bottle and asked, "How old are you?"


    I took the bottle, grasping it without pulling it away from him as I answered, "Sixteen, now, Sir."


    I thought he''d pull it back when I answered, but instead he nodded and said, "So this here soldier," he nodded to the bottle, "has five years on you. Treat him with the respect due to a senior soldier, take him back to your room, and give him an honorable death. Then get some sleep and be ready to fuckin'' work your ass off tomorrow, hear me?"


    I pulled the bottle from him and tucked it under my shirt, nodding as I said, "Sir, yes, sir!"


    "And Diaz?"


    "Sir?"


    "If you have another nightmare, let me know. There''s no shame in calling in reinforcements when you need them. Understood?"


    "Yes, sir!"


    Twenty one year old Scotch is smooth as a fuckin'' newborn''s ass, but it still packs a hell of a kick. I passed out sometime before lunch, and didn''t wake up until the following morning.

 Day Forty Two

    Dear Diary,


    I am such a stupid bitch sometimes.


    I forgot about hangovers.


    I mean, that was not a small bottle. Small enough to kill it pretty quick, but not small. I came to with an odd, unpleasant mixture of ''still tipsy'' and ''seriously hung over''.


    Saffron knocked on my door, and I buried my head under the pillow moaning. She knocked again, and I groaned something nearly incomprehensible to me, and I was the one moaning it. Finally, with the third knock, I crawled out of bed, scaled my door, and pulled it open. Saffron looked down at me and smirked, "Y''know, I might get used to looking at you down there if you keep this up."


    A second later, she must have gotten a better look at me in the gloom of my room and said, "Oh, shit." She reached down and gently lifted me to my feet, saying, "Nightmares again?"


    I shook my head and immediately regretted it. "No. Hungover."


    She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I could tell that. I''m getting tipsy off the fumes from standing next to you. Did you sleep, or just pass out?"


    "Same difference. No nightmares though." I gave her a weak thumbs up.


    She escorted me back to my bed, then went over to the armoire to pull out a clean uniform, frowning as she nearly tripped over the small pile of dirty ones in front of it. "It''s... really not. Trust me."


    I leaned over, elbows on knees, the palms of my hands holding my head up and covering my eyes. "I know. No nightmares though."


    She brought back a clean uniform and got to dressing me like a toddler. "Yes, but you don''t need your liver failing before you graduate." I managed to push the chemise away, and she shrugged and threaded my arms through the sleeves of my shirt.


    "Pfft. If it''s failing it should have studied harder."


    That got a snort out of her as she tied my blouse behind my back. "If you''re feeling good enough to crack jokes, you can put your own pants on," she said as she handed me a pair.


    I pulled them on, moving my head as little as possible. I wound up standing next to my bed with Saffron staring at me. "I shouldn''t be surprised, but... really, Diaz? Straight up commando?"


    "Yep. No sandpaper in my crotch."


    She rolled her eyes and helped me into my jacket. Once I looked more or less ''in uniform'' she looked me up and down and said, "You''ll do."


    I waggled my eyebrows and said, "Oh, really?"


    She just rolled her eyes again, shook her head, and grabbed my hand to lead me out of my room toward the Dining Hall.


    While my head pounded like my brain wanted to escape confinement, my stomach hadn''t gotten the entire hangover memo. The moment I smelled the food arriving, my mouth tried to water despite my awful case of cotton mouth. I grabbed a pitcher and chugged the whole thing, repeated it with another pitcher, and by the time Marie arrived with the food I''d made it halfway through a third.


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    "Bath tonight?" I asked while putting my best ''I''m not hung over, really'' smile on. She nodded and set a tray of spicy eggs in front of me. This batch even had what looked like cut up scallions and peppers in. I started cramming eggs down my pie hole as fast as I could, and the ROTCs and gobbos all rushed to snag some before I devoured them all. At some point I realized that not only did I have a powerful thirst, enough to empty two pitchers every time they brought a fresh three, but I''d also missed two meals while drinking my nightmares into submission. By the time I stood up, the gobbos had stopped eating entirely to stare at me, and even the ROTCs paid more attention to my epic mealtime than their own food.


    When the Barbies stood, I dropped my food and bolted for the Practice Yard. I wouldn''t try to beat Mr. ''I can teleport and fuck around with illusions'' duBois to the Yard, but I''d be damned if I let Larry get there first.


    Once we''d all arrived and gotten into formation, the Marshall nodded. "Okay, Cadets. As I''m sure Cadet Lancaster has been eagerly awaiting, this week we''ll begin sparring."


    He gave the kids who had been waiting for this a few moments to cheer and crow about it before continuing. "Last week we went over the basics of hand to hand fighting. None of you are what I''d call proficient yet, but you at least shouldn''t injure yourself taking a swing at someone."


    He paused again, this time meeting each of our gazes before going on. "As most of you already know, Phileo City does not have a police force. As Heroes, you''ll be expected to patrol the city on a regular basis, and a big part of any Phileo City Hero''s job is apprehending criminals. While Heroes are authorized to administer summary justice, most criminals are, as you might imagine, petty criminals. They steal stuff, they beat people up, they vandalize things. As such, the use of lethal force is contraindicated. Even a Hero can be found guilty of murder if they overstep. So today that''s going to be your rules of engagement. Nothing lethal, nothing a competent healer can''t bring back to full function. Now, do we have any volunteers to go first?"


    I raised my hand, despite a history of not volunteering, because I still remembered my whole ''graduate, become a Hero, ???, Profit!'' plan.


    "Okay then. Lancaster. Diaz. Front and center up here. For this first bout, I''ll be refereeing."


    Lancaster just had to cut in. "Isn''t that a little unrealistic? We won''t have referees on the street."


    DuBois didn''t roll his eyes, but they twitched heavenward before he could stop them. "You''re right, but most of you aren''t really up to determining when an opponent is down for the count and when they''re faking to get the drop on you. The refs will be there to keep someone from beating a surrendered opponent and to catch someone who surrenders and then tries for a cheap shot."


    "Don''t we all need to learn that though?" Lancaster just did not know when to shut the hell up.


    "Yes, you do, but that''s for later. Today, just concentrate on your hand to hand fighting." He lined both of us up separated by a single paver, with two pavers in every direction around us cleared of Cadets. Beyond that the remaining dozen or so Cadets surrounded our ''ring''. "Are you both good to begin?"


    "Yes, Marshall!" barked Lancaster.


    "Ready as I''m gonna be," I said.


    "Begin!"


    I shifted to present my side to Lancaster, but before I finished the move he charged me, one fist cocked back to swing. I slid backward half a step, then when he committed to the swing brought my leg around, shin aimed right at the side of his knee. Credit where it''s due, despite only catching it out of the corner of his eye he reacted, twisting his waist so I caught the back of his knee instead of the side. He still dropped to his knees, but rallied with a jab to my gut.


    Saffron hadn''t been kidding about me having a six pack. His fist hit my stomach and just bounced. Between rock hard abs and two layers of clothing, I hardly felt it. I brought my knee back and kicked him in the back of the head with my shin. Maybe a little on the rough side for ''not trying to kill someone'', but with nothing holding him up it just knocked him from his knees to an outright spread-eagle sprawl on the ground. He slapped the ground with one hand, and I took that as a sign he''d surrendered.


    "Good work, Diaz. Nice energy, Lancaster, but if you''re going to commit like that you need to avoid telegraphing."


    I moved over and reached down a hand to help Lancaster up. Fucker wasn''t going to paint me as a bad sport. He rolled over, sneered at me, and grabbed my right hand with his left. I pulled him to his feet, and he yanked on my arm. Before I caught on, he jabbed out with his right, pulling me toward him as he did. His fist hammered into my throat, and my world went black.

 Day Forty Three

    Dear Diary,


    So yesterday morning on the Practice Yard, Lancaster laid me out with a throat punch.


    I came to with a wet face, Saffron leaning over me, eyes closed and dripping, swearing under her breath, and duBois'' thunderous voice reverberating through the paving stones beneath me.


    "WHAT PART OF RULES OF ENGAGEMENT DO YOU NOT FUCKING UNDERSTAND, LAURENCE?"


    I''m not sure how Lancaster responded, but half a breath later the paving stones shook again.


    "CRUSHING SOMEONES TRACHEA IS A KILL SHOT. BRACING SOMEONE SO THEY CANNOT ROLL AWAY FROM A THROAT SHOT IS A DELIBERATE KILL SHOT."


    Despite a certain vicarious thrill at hearing Lancaster reamed out by the Marshall, I felt obligated to intervene at this point. Also, I had the beginnings of A Plan.


    "Marshall?" I called out, my voice cracking a little as I did so.


    A moment later he was just there, filling every part of my field of vision that Saffron didn''t. "Diaz. Can you breathe okay?"


    I raised my left arm, the one Saffron wasn''t clinging to, and croaked out, "I could use a hand up."


    He lifted an eyebrow, but grabbed my hand in his own and heaved me to my feet. I grabbed at Saffron as I came up, fending her away enough I didn''t plow through her on the way, but keeping her close enough to lean on if I felt dizzy. I took a few seconds to clear my throat as noisily as I could, eventually hawking up an impressive mass of spit and mucous. I smudged it across the stone with my boot until I figured it wouldn''t be a tripping hazard, then looked Lancaster straight in the eye and spoke loud enough for everyone in the Yard to hear me. "Marshall, can I have the next match?"


    "Are you sure you''re up to it?"


    I nodded. "Yeah."


    He frowned at me. "I''m expecting you want another go at Lancaster?"


    "No, Sir. I''d like to go against Rosen."


    He stared at me, his expression just short of a glare, but after a solid ten count nodded and said, "Lancaster, back in formation. Rosen, get up here."


    Now, where Larry is on the short side for a guy without being stupidly short, that puts him about my height, since I''m tall for a girl without being stupidly tall. Call it maybe five foot eight inches, maybe five nine. Rosen, on the other hand, had to be at least six four, and not a spindly, lanky six four, but the kind of six four that Clark Kent is usually depicted as. Beefy. The kind of guy who you wouldn''t be surprised if he punched a cow in the head and it dropped unconscious. I came up to maybe his chin, and while I didn''t have bad shoulders at all, I swear I could hide behind him without turning sideways.


    We stood across the ''ring'' from one another, and he held his hands in a low guard, almost like he expected me to go for an immediate nut shot the moment duBois said ''Begin''.


    But I had a secret weapon. Two, really. First, as part of my misspent youth watched way too much pro wrestling and superhero flicks. Second, when duBois grabbed my hand a Mimic Skill (Y/N)? had come up, and I picked yes faster than a fuckin'' junkie grabs at a fix.


    The man himself spoke now, addressing both of us. "Okay, to spell it out again, the Rules of Engagement are as follows: no kill shots, no maiming beyond what the Infirmary can fix in five minutes, and no attacks after either party has submitted. Are you both clear on that?"


    Before Rosen could reply I shouted out, "YES, SIR!" in my best parade ground bellow. I didn''t have enough bass to rock the paving stones, but I got a decent echo from the walls of the Yard. Rosen''s kinda subdued "Yes, Sir." barely registered on me or anyone else, but I saw his lips move.


    DuBois called out, "Begin!"


    Larry took that moment to shout out "Teach that bitch a lesson, Gary!" because he is, and I stand by this, deeply mentally deficient. Everyone else ignored him, because the moment duBois said ''begin'' I leapt into motion. I feinted toward his crotch and he flinched, bringing his knees together and his hands down to cover his groin. I leapt into a flip, my thighs slamming down onto Rosen''s shoulders, my no-padding-having ass hammering into his sternum. He went over backward as I pivoted around him until the back of my knee covered his neck. I absorbed most of our impact on the paving stones with my hands while I locked my other knee over my shin behind his back.


    There''s a reason the ''legs around neck'' style submission hold is popular in movies. Okay, a reason other than having a guy''s face shoved into a woman''s hoo-hah. It''s because no matter how bulked up a guy''s arms are, not only are they probably not as big as a woman''s thighs, arms really are made for pulling, not pushing, and they don''t have the best leverage when it comes to pushing or pulling apart a scissor lock.


    I clamped down, careful to keep my knee bent enough to avoid collapsing his throat, but not giving him the slightest bit of give beyond that. He tried to roll, but couldn''t get the traction to roll over me, and when he rolled away from me, I folded my arms over my face and took the brunt of the impact with my forearms, never letting up on his neck. After that didn''t work, he pushed himself up onto hands and knees, and I thanked my PT for my abs of steel as I twisted myself up onto his back before he could lay a hand on me. I even got a little creative and reached back to poke my fingers into the backs of his knees; when he bent his knees trying to kick at my hands, I grabbed his ankles and yanked. That drove him back onto the paving stones, where my knee kept his nose from breaking.


    Hurt like a bitch from the impact, but kept his nose from breaking.


    After about a ten count where his flailing got weaker and weaker, he flailed one hand at the ground.


    "Was that a submission?" I called out.


    He slapped the ground with a tiny bit more force, and duBois said, "Looks like a submission to me. If it''s not, you''re brain damaged enough to need the infirmary, Rosen. Good Work, Diaz."


    The moment duBois had said, ''looks like a submission'', I''d unlocked my legs and rolled away from Rosen. After the dressing down Lancaster got, I didn''t think he''d try anything quite like that, but I didn''t feel like being within grappling range of a big assed dude who''d nearly passed out. Once I got to my feet, I walked over and carefully rolled him over, then helped him to his feet. He didn''t pull any of Lancaster''s bullshit, and when I met his eyes, I saw exactly what I wanted.


    Fear.


    "Marshall?"


    "Yeah, Diaz?" he responded.


    "Can I have the next match?"


    The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    "Lancaster?"


    I shook my head. "Rider."


    He sighed, then snorted. I guessed he''d just figured out my plan, but if he objected, he didn''t say it. "MacConno!"


    "Yes, Marshall?"


    "Escort Rosen down to the Infirmary, then get back up here on the double."


    "Rider! Front and Center!"


    We both lined up in the ''ring'', and the Marshall repeated the Rules of Engagement. After we both confirmed we understood them, this time with Rider copying my ear-splitting volume, he called out, "Begin!"


    Rider copied my side-on stance, and I limped a little, favoring the knee Rosen slammed into the stones. She didn''t make the same obvious mistake Rosen had, either, assuming I''d go for the cheap shot. Instead she kept her guard up the way we''d been shown, kept her knees bent but separated, giving her solid footing. Almost a match for Rosen in terms of size, she had a little less muscle mass, but a lot less stupid.


    I feinted at her a couple times, but other than half steps backward and slight hand motions, she didn''t flinch much. I maintained eye contact and jumped forward, prompting her to try a right jab, left hook combo the Marshall showed us last week. I took the jab on my shoulder and grabbed her right hand in my right, then spun toward her, pulling her down so her hook hit my arm instead of my head or torso. That stung like a bitch, but after weeks of PT with duBois, my arms had nothing but bone and muscle. I''d ache tomorrow, but right now adrenaline had me riding high. I grabbed her left hand with mine, hopped up, and slammed my heels down into her feet.


    If you''ve never had someone really stomp on the tops of your arches, here''s my advice to you: don''t. If you''re not ready for it, it can shatter some really delicate bones in your feet. Even if you''re two hundred pounds of muscle in a girl suit wearing stupid tough boots, it''s going to hurt like a bitch.


    She yelled, "FUCK!", and right in the middle of her yell I jumped as hard as I could, not just pushing down on her arches more but slamming the crown of my head into her chin. My ears rang a little, but I think I heard more than one crunch as her teeth slammed together hard enough to crack enamel. I didn''t stop to think or acknowledge the ache at the top of my skull; I let go of her hands as she yanked them away to cover her mouth, grabbed the left lapel of her jacket with my left hand, and spun around to slam my right into her left side just below the ribs. I hammered that spot twice, then moved as she lashed out at me, backhanding me across the face. I spun with the impact and used the momentum to plant my left shin into her right side, then put a left hook in the same spot for good measure.


    She swung another backhand at me, but her heart wasn''t in it; she clutched at her bruised sides with her hands, and I went to town, snapping punch after punch into her gut. She tried to swing at me, but couldn''t get any good leverage, tried to push me away, but had the same problem, and finally tried, I shit you not, a fuckin'' kirkoff maneuver.


    You know the one, I''ve seen it in every cheesy action flick from the sixties and seventies. Because when you live in the hood, you might not have the best internet service, but goddamn you''re gonna have some aunties with VCR and DVD collections to shame the Library of Congress. The kirkoff is that thing where you ball both of your hands into one big fist and then bring your elbows, forearms, and fists down on your opponent''s back as hard as you can? Yeah, that one.


    The one that spreads the impact all across your opponent''s back. The place where she''s least likely to feel that kind of widespread impact.


    I just kept hammering at her gut, punch after punch, and credit where it''s due, she kept slamming her arms into my back until she just gave out and devolved to slapping at me. At that point I hooked a foot around her ankle and shoved, catching one of her flailing arms just before the back of her head slammed into the ground. I''d seen a kid die that way once, catching the base of his skull on a bit of concrete jutting out at just the wrong angle, and while I might be a bitch, I''m not a stupid bitch who ignores the Rules of Engagement. Before I''d even let her down to the ground gently, she slapped at the pavement a bunch of times, and duBois called out "Good work, Diaz. Rider, do you need to visit Sister Siobhan?"


    To her credit, she wheezed out, "No, Sir. Just need a sit down, if that''s okay."


    He just nodded and waved her off, so she staggered to the side of the ring. Before she got there, I leaned close to duBois and said, "No offense, but she really ought to have Sister Siobhan check her out. I really don''t want to be responsible for her dental bills later in life." Not to mention the kidney punches, but, well, I wasn''t going to mention those if he didn''t.


    "Rider! I don''t like the way you''re limping. Have Sister Siobhan check that out. Driver! Escort her down there!" While I watched Bill move over to Rider like a tugboat escorting a supertanker, duBois turned to face the rest of the Cadets. "Quick lesson there; any of you who graduate will, at some point, have to push through pain, push through injury, push through maiming, push through shit that would kill a bear to get the job done. I''m gonna do my best to train you up so when that happens, you''ll have a well of tough to draw on. But, and I say this having learned the lesson the hard way, if you have Healing available, avail yourselves of it. You''ll recover faster, heal stronger, and avoid lifelong injuries that make you easier to stop the next time you need to push through."


    He raked his gaze across the Cadets, meeting every eye before saying, "Got it?"


    He got a good solid chorus of, "Sir, Yes, Sir!", and then I raised my hand.


    "Diaz?"


    "One more, sir?"


    He sighed. "Lancaster. Front and Center."


    Lancaster strutted forward, failing to bleach the fear from his voice when he shouted, "That bitch is going to try to kill me!"


    Before duBois could respond, I hollered, "Marshall, if I kill him, I''d be breaking the R.O.E., right?"


    He raised and eyebrow and said, "You would be."


    I continued with, "If I break the R.O.E. his family''s probably gonna fuck me over out of spite, won''t they?"


    He sucked at his teeth and said, "Most likely."


    I looked Lancaster square in the eye and said, calmly but loudly enough every Cadet in the Yard could hear, "Only one guy whose name starts with L gets to fuck me over, and it''s not you or any of yours, Larry."


    "Like duBois would let his golden child be ruined," Larry sneered.


    "Marshall, I don''t really think he gets what an ROE is."


    DuBois heaved a huge sigh and turned to Lancaster. "Cadet Lancaster, should Cadet Diaz break the ROE, deliberately or not, and kill you, reversibly or not, I would be unable to defend her against any repercussions."


    "Why should I risk it?"


    Now duBois swelled up, reminding me even more of a bear. "Because, Cadet, risking their fucking lives to do what needs to be done is what makes a fucking capital H Hero a fucking capital H Hero. If you''re too much of a cowardly prick to even get into an unarmed sparring match, you can go tell Headmaster Miles that and see how fast he kicks your ass to the curb. Do you understand me?"


    I don''t know what Lancaster saw in duBois eyes, but whether out of fear of duBois or fear of what his family would do if he didn''t make the cut due to chickening out, Lancaster said, "Yes, Sir. I''m ready to spar, Sir."


    "Excellent. Rules of Engagement are unchanged. No kill shots, deliberate or ''accidental'', no damage the Infirmary can''t fix, no attacks by either side once someone submits. Are we clear?"


    Lancaster finally got into the spirit of the thing as we both called out, "Yes, Sir!"


    The moment duBois said, "Begin!" I dropped my hands to my sides and just walked toward Lancaster, staring him right in the eye the whole time. In the back of his eyes I saw the same thing as I''d seen in Rosen''s. Fear sparkled, rapidly swamped by bravado as he jabbed at my unprotected face. I leaned aside just enough that he clipped my ear rather than mashing my nose, then grabbed his other hand as he tried to follow up with a hook. I spun, lifting him over my hip to throw him, then shoving him up as hard as I could rather than completing the throw.


    He went up, flailing, and I dropped low, bringing my fist up from the ground, my whole body behind a punch direct into his gut. I followed through, shoving him back up into the air. He flailed, and I grabbed his ankles, spinning in place like a dancer, keeping him just high enough his head didn''t scrape the pavement at its low point each spin.


    You watchin'' this, boss? I thought.


    You have my attention, my Patron''s voice filled my skull.


    With a final heave, I chucked Larry into the air. I slammed one foot into the ground to keep from stumbling away, then launched myself after him. Just before he tumbled to the ground, I hammered my knee into his gut with the full force of my lunge, and the last air in his lungs came out with a retching cough. I got one arm under his head just before it hit the ground, slamming my own knee into the ground painfully to break our fall. I let him slide off of my knee and roll onto his back with his arms under him, my knee on his chest pinning them in place under both our weights. I looked him straight in the eye with one hand still cradling the back of his skull, pulled my other hand back behind me in a full on round house punch wind up, and grinned my evilest grin as he struggled feebly to free a hand to slap the ground, tried desperately to get air back into his lungs to scream out his submission.


    When the fear in his eyes eclipsed every other thing in them, I swung , bringing my hand around with every bit of force I could muster in my hips. Lancaster flinched, his eyes closing as I screamed, "CLEAR!" right in his face as my fully charged Stabilize discharged into his sternum.

 Day Forty Four

    Dear Diary,


    Not much to add today.


    After four fights during CT, one of which I ended by dumping as much Mana as I could into a Stabilize, I fell asleep with Marie washing my back. I woke up Monday morning relaxed and ready to go bum around with my Patron.


    He, of course, had other ideas. Because of course he did.


    He knocked on my door and got an eyeful when I answered it sans clothes, expecting Marie or maybe Saffron. "Well. That certainly won''t do. Close your eyes."


    I watched his gaze as it tracked back up to my eyes, "One question first?"


    "As always, I am your willing repository of knowledge."


    "Are you happy with me or upset with me about yesterday?"


    He laughed, making me wonder if anyone but me could hear his very masculine voice echoing down the hall. "Oh, Tabitha. I am so very, very pleased with you. Not only did you win, you remembered to call on me to observe your victory."


    "Huh. That matters?"


    "Why, of course it does! Any victory or achievement of yours gives me a portion of the Glory, per our agreement, but the ones I observe are even better."


    I cocked my head, thinking about it, while maintaining eye contact so he didn''t take to checking out my merchandise again. Which was a little weird, what with him not only being a capital ''G'' God, but my own personal one at that. "You get more Glory if you''re watching?"


    "Not precisely. But if I''m watching, I get to see the events firsthand, which is so much better when it comes to rubbing other Gods'' noses in your victories."


    "Which gives you personal Glory for besting them."


    He blinked at me, then let loose another peal of laughter. "Oh, Tabitha Diaz, you are a gem beyond compare, and today we shall see to providing you with a setting worthy of you. Now, as I said, close your eyes."


    I shrugged and closed my eyes. I half expected him to cop a feel after catching him taking in the view, but he simply took my hand and pulled me across the threshold into the hallway.


    The moment he did sweat popped out of my pores, as the temperature and humidity skyrocketed. My room is comfortable to sleep naked in without blankets. The hallway had to be ninety degrees at least, and water dripped around me. "Can I look now?"


    "If you wish."


    When I did, he stood there looking almost like what I''d expect Loki to look like; blond and blue eyed, like you''d expect from a Norseman, wearing a well tailored hunter green suit cut to be just slightly reminiscent of a jester''s garb, wearing a stylized, minimalist steel helm, almost a crown, with equally stylized, equally minimalist golden horns protruding from high on his temples. He spoke quietly with two women, one a young Asian woman in a beautiful flowing cherry blossom colored gown, the other a wizened old crone who stood almost as if sheltering behind her. To the side, almost where I''d expect an interpreter or bodyguard, stood the hairiest motherfucker I''d ever seen. Like, I know some dudes have to shave their necks, but this guy just didn''t even bother, the hair on his head blending with his short chin-strap beard, which merged seamlessly with the chest hair showing over the almost ceremonial armor he wore. While the women spoke with Loki, the hairy guy just stared at me, head tilted like he couldn''t quite figure me out. To his credit, he only really looked me up and down once, and just smiled after doing so, the kind of thing you''d expect to see from a guy checking out a girl right before saying ''nice'' to his bros.


    "Of course. The view is nice. But I have no bros here."


    Loki shook his head and turned back to the women. "As my message said, I have need of her," here he nodded to the old woman, "services for the creation of garments to clad my Champion. Time is of the essence, and I will have her in nothing but the finest of garments." Here he paused and looked between the young woman in the cherry blossom gown and the hairy armored dude. "I shall meet any reasonable price you name for the services of your most Glorious craftswoman." With those words he gave a slight bow to the old woman, who up until then had a resigned look on her face.


    Cherry Blossom Girl looked at my Patron and said, "I do not hear the words ''Glory'' and ''Crafter'' often said together. She will not be harmed."


    Loki raised one hand to his chest, the image of someone shocked by another''s words. "Highness, I know the reputation of my father''s house is warlike, but I am at worst a prankster, at best an admirer of all things beautiful, and she is a creator of beauty; I should rather harm myself than bring any harm to her."


    "Then... let it be so?" she directed the question in her statement toward the hairy guy, who tilted his head, stepped up to Loki and looked him in the eye. It surprised me how much shorter than my Patron the hairy guy was. Like a full head shorter, maybe more, since Loki slouched just a touch and the hairy guy was clearly standing as tall as he could without going on tiptoe.


    He smiled, pointed a finger right at Loki''s nose, and said, "No tricks, unless you want to match wits?"


    Loki just laughed the easy laugh of sublime confidence, although even I wasn''t sure if I meant ''a confident guy'' or ''a con man'' when I said that. "I should dearly love to match wits with you at some point, my esteemed colleague, but this is neither the time nor the place. I am, as I noted, on a schedule, and it simply would not do to disrupt such a magnificent artist''s creative space."


    The hairy guy shrugged. "I''ll stay to watch, if you don''t mind?"


    "I do not mind at all." He turned to Cherry Blossom Gown Girl. "We have an agreement, then?"


    "Yes. I must go now, my husband awaits."


    Loki made a full, courtly bow to her, and I got so wrapped up in watching the flourishes I completely missed her leaving. One second she was there, the next, gone. Hairy guy just up and perched on a counter, and the little old woman came over, shuffled me onto a slightly raised circular dais in the middle of the room, and started taking measurements.


    While she measured and cut, measured and pinned, measured and sewed, then measured again, Loki asked her for a few ribbons of fabric and plaited them through my hair. By the time he finished, he''d folded all of my hair into an up do that had to be half as big as my head, with little sausage curls dangling down here and there. Just as he finished, the little old woman came over with what looked at first to be a single long swatch of crimson silk. Without a word, she handed me a tiny uneven hourglass shaped bit of silk with a few cords coming from the corners. It took a second, since the last time I hit a Victoria''s Secret had been like six months before I wound up here, but after that second I snatched the silk panties from her and put them on.


    She moved to start dressing me, but I grabbed Loki by the arm and said, "I need six more of these."


    "That''s not what I agreed upon with her."


    "Six more or that," I nodded to the dress, "won''t be going on me."


    He blinked at me, his mouth a flat line. "You would extort your God by threatening him with your nakedness?"


    I barely paused for thought before I retorted, "yeah, that''s about the size of it."


    Hairy dude chose that moment to chime in, "if you don''t want her any more, can I buy her?"


    Loki rolled his eyes, trying to hide the twinkle in them as his customary grin returned. "I am honored by and seriously considering your offer, but not today, I don''t think." He pulled the old woman aside and murmured in her ear for a few moments, and I saw something change hands before he turned back to me.


    "The craftswoman has graciously agreed to our request, and I shall have them delivered to your armoire before such time as you have need of them again."


    I raised one eyebrow. "By tomorrow morning."


    He laughed out loud, the kind of sound you''d expect from a thirteen year old boy who''d been told he had unlimited access to the junk food, video games, and supermodel of his choice. "You are indeed such a treat. By tomorrow morning, then."


    Finally, going commando would be a conscious choice rather than a practical necessity to avoid permanent crotch chafing. A conscious choice I made again the moment nobody could see, but having that choice felt so much better than not.


    This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    The old lady stepped up and wrapped the dress around me. The dress... Oh, lord, the dress. What had looked like one long swath of crimson silk wrapped around my neck and crossed my front, leaving my arms, back, sides, and midriff bare, then swept around my waist to cascade to floor length on one side while the other left my thigh completely bare. I know I joked about my uniform blouse being a walking wardrobe malfunction if I tied it loose, but this thing paired with my here-and-now, duBois PT honed body became a mobile incitement to riot.


    I loved it.


    I balked when she approached me with some silk slippers though. I mean, I took them, let her slip them onto my feet, but this dress didn''t beg for heels, it demanded them in terms that would make the most diehard Karen weep with envy.


    My beloved Patron had no idea what the hell I meant by ''stiletto heels'', but he admitted to being intrigued by the name, stilettos being a hobby of his.


    "Cover your eyes again."


    This time I didn''t give him shit, I just closed my eyes and covered them with my hands. Okay, I limited my shit-giving to saying, "You know, you could have had her make me a blindfold."


    Hairy guy lost his shit at that, in a hooting, hollering, laughter kind of way that cut off the moment I took a step.


    The heat went from the oppressive, humid heat of an equatorial forest to the baking dry heat of a forge. I almost didn''t want to open my eyes, because I half feared they''d dry out in an instant. Loki stepped away from my side and I heard a brief but heated exchange muffled by the constant roar of a furnace. Someone stepped up to me and said, "So what is it she wants, then?"


    "Stiletto heeled thigh boots."


    "A name tells me nothing, girl. Your Patron told me the name of what you want, but even he has no idea what they are."


    My eyes snapped open at the word ''girl'', and I stared into the eyes of a sociopath. I don''t know how I knew, but every damned ''stay alive'' alarm I have went off the moment I met his gaze, and most of them told me that if I flinched, not even Loki would be able to save me.


    Good instincts.


    I ignored him and locked gazes with the asshole in front of me. "You know what boots are, right?"


    He frowned, "Yes. Of course."


    "You''re familiar with thighs?"


    Asshole looked at Loki, "This one? You''re paying me for a commission for this one?"


    I reached out, grabbed him by the chin, and pulled his gaze back around to me. "I''m talking to you here. Thighs." I slapped mine, twisting as I did to show him my bare skin, then slashing my hand across about a third of the way before the knee. "Boots that come to here. Got it so far?"


    "You da..." He got no further before I just fuckin'' squeezed his chin with every ounce of pissed off I had, and his eyes crossed as he squealed.


    "You fuckin'' disrespected me first, asshole. Ask my Patron, if somebody''s nice to me, I''m a fuckin'' joy to be around. But if somebody disrespects me, I will take it out of their ass eventually. Got it?"


    I let up just a little, and he worked his jaw a moment before replying. "We have that in common. I apologize for any disrespect I have shown. Do go on."


    I let go of his jaw and said, "Likewise. Sorry about the jaw. Okay, you know how boots have heels?" Before he could answer I lifted myself onto the balls of my feet, raising my heels as high as they would go. "Okay, make the heel as skinny as you can, I think they use steel bars to reinforce them, but wrapped in leather to match the boot."


    That got his attention. He stared at my foot, my calf, and my thigh, and for once I got the impression he didn''t see one iota of sex, just an intricate machine of muscle and bone. One that he might want to take apart at some point, but for now he just said, "You... you want me to craft boots that force you to stand like that?"


    I shrugged. "If you''re any fuckin'' good at it, they''ll support my weight as well as any other boots do. But yeah, spending the day in them is pretty fuckin'' torturous."


    He mouthed the words ''any fucking good'', a smile chasing its way across his face. "Anything else?"


    "They need to match this dress and look at least as good as it does."


    He waved one hand in a throwing away gesture, as if stating both of those requirements were nothing. "And how long do I have?"


    I looked to Loki, and he rolled his eyes, "We''re late already. I''d prefer fashionably late, but so long as the party is still in full swing when we arrive it''s soon enough."


    "Party?"


    "The Lion Party."


    The sociopath got a strangled look on his face, then spun to face me. "Dress. Off. Pose."


    I wasn''t about to back down now. As quickly as I could carefully do, I slipped out of the dress and wrapped it about itself, holding it up on top of my head while I lifted myself onto the balls of my feet.


    "Move only when and how I tell you."


    He proceeded to measure my thighs, my calves, my feet, and my stride, having me walk back and forth, then around in circles. After about ten minutes had gone by, and I was blessing duBois'' weird posing Endurance training while cursing this sociopathic asshole, Loki opened his mouth to speak. Before he got in a word, the guy lifted one finger in the air in an imperious gesture, and Loki did nothing but fume.


    "Will you be wearing stockings?"


    "Normally I''d say yeah, but I think we''re too crunched for time to get me a pair, so I''m just gonna have to chafe."


    The sick sadistic bastard actually shuddered a bit when I said that.


    "What type of stockings will you normally wear with it?"


    "Back home I''d say nylon, but here I''m gonna guess at silk or nothing."


    He just nodded, turned, and left me standing there with my dress in hand, my feet and calves aching. For the next little while, more than an hour but not by much, he moved around the workshop, heating metal, cutting leather, carving wood, applying dyes and paints, and assembling things. Even staring, I never could quite follow his fingers as he worked. This guy might be an asshole, but he knew his way around a workshop. For the final ten minutes, I listened without moving to hammering and stitching coming from behind my back. Then he stepped into view, his eyes as dead as ever, and handed me what had to be eight pounds of crimson leather and steel.


    "I imagine your Patron wishes you to arrive dressed."


    "You okay if I move now?"


    For the first time since he''d started working, I saw something approaching a human emotion on his face, a tiny smirk. "She not only remembers instructions, she follows them to the letter. Excellent. I will require her as a model in the future."


    Before I could do more than open my mouth to retort, Loki knelt next to me, one boot in his hands, and he cut me off saying, "Should the craftsman prove worthy of his wage, he shall have it."


    I guess I did kinda go full on bitch mode about having them, and something told me this was not the guy to pull a con on in his own fuckin'' workshop.


    Loki helped me get the boots on, and I needed every bit of his assistance, but once they were on... I got a glimpse of painted-on-tight leather covering me from thigh to toe, and looked over at my cobbler. "Hey, you got a mirror?"


    Loki winced, and the sociopath grinned as he whipped the cover off of a full length standing mirror. I had no clue why; the mirror had some really goth skeletal motifs going on in tarnished silver, but the mirror itself worked fine. I put my dress back on, and I gotta say I got a little, ah, anxious standing there staring at the chick in the mirror. I looked down at Loki, who still knelt with his back to the mirror, and said, "you ready to go?"


    He looked up at me, met my gaze, and I saw honest surprise there for a split second before it disappeared as he stood and took my hand. He nodded to the cobbler without looking and said, "I shall be in touch regarding your payment, never fear."


    Then he stepped past me, pulling me around as he did, and between one step and the next we stood at the edge of a precipice, as if we''d just stepped out of the air above the sheer drop. Decorative columns holding up a complete lack of ceiling stood around the perimeter of the plateau before us, and I saw the tops of clouds beyond its far edges. Small knots of people lingered around tables set with fruit, hors d¡¯oeuvres, and wine bottles. Music filled the air, strings, woodwinds, and a tambourine playing something way too sedate and stately for a fuckin'' tambourine. More groups of people stood on the dance floor, gossiping rather than dancing, by the looks of it. Overall I guessed the place to be about twice the size of a school gymnasium, with a few hundred people overall between the snackers and the gossipers.


    After that quick scan of the room, I turned to Loki to ask him why we''d come here. He spun around me, one hand sliding behind my back and the other lifting my hand to shoulder height. As I saw an older guy, like Hugh Jackman as a grandpa, stepping forward like he intended to talk to us, Loki''s voice whispered into my brain.


    Follow my lead.


    Absolute legend that he is, he meant that absolutely fuckin'' literally. I''m not half bad when it comes to showing my stuff to some club music, but I''d never really tried ballroom dancing before. He didn''t do anything crazy, at least to start, but we literally danced right past grandpa and onto the floor. I kept my eyes glued to my dance partner''s, and between his eyes and his hands he kept me cued to what he wanted me to do next.


    Around the edges of my vision I caught glimpses of people as we spun through the room, and carefully catalogued any of them who stood out. Grampa dude couldn''t decide whether he wanted to kill us, fuck me, or both. A chick who looked just a smidge older than him fumed behind him, although I''m pretty sure she was set on ''kill'' rather than ''fuck'' or ''marry''. I guess she''d done the latter to grandpa, and he''d made a habit of doing the horizontal mambo with everyone but her as often as possible since. A dude in a fuckin'' Bronze Age suit of armor, who bore a striking family resemblance to grandpa, looked like he wanted to end us both right then and there, but his kid brother stopped him with a hand on his elbow and the world''s most eloquent ''really?'' look.


    Another group, centered on a pair who looked way too similar to be anything but brother and sister, and way too cozy to be that anywhere but Kentucky, tracked our progress like some kind of anti-aircraft turrets. When I got a better look at the chick, I swear she looked just like the crazy woman who had followed me around the day I met Loki. Close by them, but separated by the hangers-on orbiting the sibling-spouses and herself, a woman with a Porcelain Black domino hairdo and a cowled dress that obscured her left side completely while leaving nothing to the imagination on her right nodded to us as we spun past. Loki chose that moment to dip me, and I arched backward a little further than I really wanted, but he didn''t pull me upright until I stared straight between domino''s ankles. When we spun away she lifted her drinking horn to us with a laugh.


    I got a little dizzy after that, to be honest, but I had a fucking blast as we danced through the crowd, pissing off more than half of them by ignoring their reactions, amusing the others by playing to them, and even inviting a few to join us on the dance floor alone, in pairs, or even in one case as a trio who apparently never got Shakira''s memo.


    Like I said, ballroom isn''t my thing, but after duBois pushing me to my limits for over a month, I had the stamina and flexibility to go where Loki led me. I was born with the attitude to tell the assorted crowd to fuck off without ever saying a word.


    As the sun neared the horizon, I noticed that Grampa and Bronze Age Roid Rage had teamed up with a surfer dude in furs to herd us toward the Western edge of the plateau. Dizzy as fuck, arroganter than that, and completely unwilling to back down from something as pedestrian as fuckin'' gravity, I followed Loki''s lead and danced straight over the edge of the plateau.


    My feet never hit air. Between one step and the next I spun into my room, collapsing onto my bed, laughing my ass off at the final look on Team Grandpa''s faces.


    With a final fuck you, this time to biochemistry in the form of adrenaline, I fell asleep moments after my head hit the pillow.


    Woke up late for Remedial Mana and did not fucking care one tiny little bit.

 Day Forty Five

    Dear Diary,


    Life just will not let me have a solid week of wins, because it''s bitchier than me, apparently.


    Yesterday I got a little bit of shit from Doc for being late to Remedial Mana Shaping, but I could tell his heart wasn''t in it. Lunch was roast pork, then I spent the afternoon fussing with my dress, getting it hung so it looked like a dress instead of a swath of silk. Dinner was, surprise surprise, more roast pork. Not awful, but someone in this damn place needed to learn how to make barbeque sauce. Pernil was just too much to ask for. Not that I''d say no, but despite a sort of general Brownness about the folks with lots of Bag in them, they didn''t strike me as much in the way of Hispanic.


    Okay, maybe Bill did a little, but not so much our Maids and cooks.


    At any rate, while kind of bland, the pork still fell off the bone with no prompting, so I''m not complaining about the cooking, just the lack of spice. Maybe I''m a little homesick. I dunno.


    So I went to bed with a full stomach at least.


    I barely kept myself from losing it all when I woke up screaming.


    I hadn''t managed to get back to sleep at all by the time Saffron knocked on the door, I lay there wondering if she''d go away. The fourth time she knocked, I almost heard something like shouting that barely made it through the door; I dragged myself out of bed and to the door; it swung open the moment I lay my hand on the handle.


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    "Tabitha! Wake the fu..." she cut herself off mid-''fuck'' the moment she got a good look at me. "Shit. Nightmares again?"


    "Nightmare. Yeah." I couldn''t force anything else out.


    Without a word she hefted me up and half-carried me back to the bed, where she sat me down on the edge before even turning the light on. She mostly closed the door, very deliberately keeping it a hand-width open before going to my armoire for a uniform.


    She took one look inside and froze, mumbling, "Holy Shit," before carefully reaching in to the side of the armoire opposite The Dress, pulling out a uniform and ever so carefully closing the door.


    As she dressed me, she argued with herself a little before asking, "Okay, I''ve gotta know. Where the hell did you get that?"


    I was too strung out from fear and lack of sleep to dissemble. "Loki."


    She pulled back and just stared at me. "Loki."


    "Yes."


    "Your Patron."


    I nodded carefully, trying my best to keep my head from falling off. "Yes."


    "Gave you a dress."


    I pushed myself to form something resembling a coherent sentence. "Had it made for me."


    She just stared.


    Before she could ask anything else, I remembered and mumbled, "Boots too."


    She didn''t say anything, just shook her head and hauled me out of bed. She hauled me around most of the day, really, as I drifted aimlessly through class, eating on automatic when the Maids dropped trays of food in front of me.


    When she finally dropped me off at my room, she helped me peel off my uniform, lay me back on the bed, then sat there next to me while I fell asleep.


    She didn''t spend the night.


    I know, because I woke, screaming, alone in the dark.

 Day Forty Six

    Dear Diary,


    When Saffron knocked on my door, she found me huddled up next to the door, my back to the wall next to the doorframe, my knees pulled up to my chest, my forehead resting on my knees. I unwrapped one arm from around my shins to tap the door handle, which is all it took for her to open the door.


    "Holy shit. Again?"


    I just nodded, at least as much as I could without my head leaving contact with my knees. She pushed the door open, stepped in, turned the light on, and pushed the door almost closed, leaving about a finger-width open. I flopped my hand over and nudged it closed.


    "Diaz! People will talk!"


    "Fuck ''em."


    She stood there, hands going to her hips, and looked at me with a mixture of exasperation and something else I couldn''t place, but something that put a small smile on her face. "That''s more or less what they''ll be talking about."


    I flopped my arm back over my legs and buried my face further into the tiny safe space created by my body and knees.


    "You realize if you fall asleep again I''ll be stuck in here until you wake up?"


    I couldn''t help it, my head shook of it''s own accord, and I shoved myself upright, pushing myself against the wall as I muttered something like, "Nope, no, no, can''t sleep. Too dark. Can''t sleep. Mustn''t sleep. Can''t sleep. Slept too long."


    I had no idea where that last bit came from, but Saffron pounced on it. "Slept too long? I know you''re kinda prone to sleeping until I wake you up, but you''ve never been the sort to go to bed early, and from what Raven tells me you actually make it to breakfast sometimes on Devotional days. Which... you spend with Loki? Really?"


    I couldn''t make with the words. Too much effort. I just shrugged, made something approaching a nod.


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    "If it was anyone else I''d take that as metaphoric. Like, you spent the day stealing shit, messing with people, maybe murdering somebody if you thought you could get away with it."


    I have no idea why, but her assumptions irked me. "He''s not a sociopath. He doesn''t kill people to get his kicks. Hell, Other than Baldur I''m not sure he''s killed anybody."


    She shook her head, "The Aesir are war gods. Loki''s killed plenty of people." She paused a moment in thought, "although I suppose killing on the battlefield isn''t murder, really."


    I just shrugged. She stepped up to me, reached up and used both hands to rake my hair behind my head. "Better. You know your Patron ought to be able to help with that."


    I shook my head, and she let out an exasperated sigh. "Because you asked and he won''t, or because you haven''t asked him."


    "Won''t. Can''t."


    "You won''t and can''t ask, or he won''t and can''t do anything?"


    I remembered his comment about self-image and shapeshifting, and realized how much of my own fitting in relied on me not thinking things. "I won''t. I can''t. Secrets."


    "You keep secrets."


    I nodded.


    "From your Patron."


    "Uh huh," I muttered.


    "The God of Lies, Mischief, Trickery, and Secrets?"


    I just shrugged.


    She stood there for a bit, just staring at me like she could force me to change just by being stubborn at me. My gaze dropped bit by bit until I stared at the floor by my feet. Eventually she sighed and asked, "If I help you get ready, can you make it through class today?"


    It took me way too long to answer. "Yeah."


    "Okay. Let''s do this."


    Once more she dressed me, cleaning me up a bit as she did so, then walked me first to breakfast, where I ate whatever the Maids put in front of me without thought, without enjoyment, without really acknowledging anything but the need to bite, chew, and swallow. After that she guided me to class, fending off questions from Angel and Bill with quiet assertions I''d been ill, and that we''d go to the Infirmary tomorrow. I didn''t want to, but couldn''t muster the energy to argue with her.


    Eventually, after dinner, she towed me back to my room and stripped me down. I found a pair of underwear, my nice old ones from Eastside, and dragged those and one of the linen chemises on more or less in the hopes that if I didn''t sleep naked, she might stay longer. I almost couldn''t sleep with the sandpaper scraping my tits with every breath, but two nights without sleep eventually emerged victorious and I passed out with her sitting next to me petting my hair.


    She was there to hold me and gently comfort me and settle me back down when I bolted up out of bed screaming.


    Both times.

 Day Forty Seven

    Dear Diary,


    I swear not just to Loki, but to all the Gods out there, I do not understand women, and I are one.


    Yes, I know you don''t understand them either, you''ve made that perfectly clear.


    Yes, I know you know how to get them to make the beast with two backs, but I''m talking about predicting non-bed related activities.


    Having a God that responds sounds like a good deal. Having a God who is, by all accounts including his own, a massive smart ass, respond is, occasionally, less so.


    Anyhow, my third dream of the night wasn''t pleasant, but I didn''t wake up screaming.


    It started sort of where the others left off. I fell endlessly through terrifying darkness, a tiny slice of light at the top of my bottomless prison the only thing breaking up the endless blackness.


    I think that''s what I finally realized; my fall, the blackness, the... everything, just went on and on forever. Gradually, so slowly I couldn''t really feel it happening, boredom replaced terror. I still couldn''t take comfort in it, but it didn''t terrify me. My own wordless scream echoed away, bit by bit transforming into a silent never ending yawn. I couldn''t blink, what with being dead and all, but eventually, after an eternity of falling through nothing, I drifted into something that might be called sleep.


    Of course that''s when my eyes popped open. The wireframe of my ceiling came into focus as I blinked the sleep muck from my eyes. When I went to twist and roll into a sitting position, I jostled... something. Something body pillow length and blood warm that I''d draped my legs around, and been holding so long that accumulated sweat made it stick to me. Without moving, I carefully raised my head enough to look down the length of my body, only to see, in that same wireframe I saw everything in the complete lack of light in my room, the top of someone''s head.


    At that point the night before rushed back into my forebrain. I tried to whisper, but my throat wouldn''t cooperate. Instead I wiggled the arm holding Saffron up and quietly said, "Saffron? Saffron, I think it''s time to get up."


    It took more than a few repetitions before she murmured, "d''wanna. Tired. Warm. Tired."


    I raised my voice a little and said, "I really don''t give a fuck, but people are gonna talk if they find us sleeping together."


    She lifted her head and looked around, blinking as she did so, the world''s thinnest line of drool stretched between my sodden shift and her mouth. "Wha? What happened to my ''larm?"


    "At a guess, it''s going off in your room. Which no one can hear, because our rooms are soundproofed."


    She blinked hard a few times, as if trying to squeeze her eyes into operation. Despite her complete lack of success, my wireframe view gave me enough detail to realize the moment she remembered the night before. "Oh, shit."


    I pulled my hand free and rubbed it around her back in little circles. "It''s okay, Saff. We just had an impromptu sleepover."


    "No, no, no, you don''t get it, my grandma''s gonna kill me!"


    I stopped, shooting her a confused look before remembering she couldn''t see shit. "Why would your grandmother care one way or another that you slept in my room last night? I mean, the only reason you stayed was to help my sorry..."


    Before I could continue, she interrupted with, "No, it''s Friday morning. She''s going to be here with..." She cut herself off with a strangled yelp as she tried to pull away from me and landed ass first on the floor.


    "Hold still." I rolled out of bed myself, twisting to let my legs clear her by enough to miss even if she ignored me and sat up, but to my surprise she lay perfectly still while I got up, walked over to the lamp while stripping my sodden nightgown off, and pulled the light open enough to give me enough light to see the red of Saffron''s jacket where she''d draped it over my chair.


    "Oh, Gods. What time is it?" Saffron seemed really freaked out, so after a few really confused moments where I realized I hadn''t noticed the complete lack of clocks for the past month and a half, I directed the question toward my Patron.


    Luckily he seemed more amused than annoyed, although I could hear some of each in his reply. It is still before dawn, but not by much. The Dining Hall is three quarters of the way through serving breakfast.


    "They''re still serving Breakfast. Not sure we can make it if we don''t rush getting dressed."


    With the lights on, she pushed herself upright and snatched her jacket off of my chair, tipping it over between us in the process. Before she pulled it on, I couldn''t help but notice her shirt straining way more than looked comfortable in the boob area, and suspiciously non sweat-colored stains in those same spots.


    "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. I''ve got to get to the Infirmary."


    I shrugged. "I''m not really thrilled about missing breakfast, but I''ve got class today."


    She turned to me, going from half-panicked to stern, almost maternal, in the blink of an eye. "No, you have to get your ass to the Infirmary too."


    "Wait, what?"


    "Diaz, you''ve had nightmares so bad you can''t sleep three nights running. You can''t keep that up."


    I pulled off my pumpkin spice sodden panties, threw them onto the pile of clothes from last night, and pulled a fresh pair of my new silk panties from my armoire. "But... I''ve got a solution now!" I smiled at her brightly, hoping she''d let that stand while I pulled on a pair of pants.


    No such luck. She stood there frozen, giving me an indecipherable look for a few moments before shaking her head and saying, "Me rocking you to sleep multiple times a night is not a ''solution'', Diaz."


    She muttered something after that, and I pounced on it while I pulled my shirt sleeves over my arms. "What was that, Saff?"


    She sighed, slumped, and turned to face me. Before saying anything else, before I could say anything else, she held up one hand and walked over to stand half an arm''s length away, close enough the difference in our heights made it a little uncomfortable to talk casually. I stood there as she raised her head until she looked me straight in the eye, then said, slowly and clearly, "No matter how much I''d like to spend the night for other reasons."


    I stared down into her eyes, like deep wells of dark chocolate, as I tried to figure out how I felt about that. Yeah, I''d teased her a lot, but I hadn''t really thought it would go anywhere. She wasn''t ugly or anything. Far from it, really. A petite little thing, with looks that danced between being pretty, cute, and handsome, almost making a mockery of traditional feminine beauty just by being her. Curvy hips I''d noticed in passing during our paired workouts in the Practice Yard, and way bigger tits than I''d realized, although I had the excuse of the heavy uniform Jackets there. Full lips, round cheeks, a cute little nose, and dark brown eyes I''d been sinking deeper into by the moment.


    My hands decided what they wanted while my brain still spun endlessly through images of Saffron collected since I''d met her. Slowly, gently, as if trying to avoid my own notice as well as Saffron''s, they slipped through the air until my fingertips brushed feather light against her cheeks.


    The moment they did she lunged at me, her fingers tangling in my hair, her legs wrapping around my waist, her weight inconsequential compared to the heat of her pressing against my belly. Her lips sought mine, her tongue darting into my mouth accompanied by sounds of desperate need. Her lunge tangled my fingers through the curls of her deep brown tresses, and I buried them further as I wrapped my hands around the back of her head, holding her mouth to mine. I stepped over toward my bed, my eyes slipping shut as I tilted my head to plunge my tongue into her eager mouth. One of her hands clutched at my hair while the other frantically clawed at her jacket, taking far too long to finally dislodge the buttons and let her shake her arm free of the confining sleeve.


    I slipped one hand free of her hair and slid it between us, my palm barely brushing across the linen before a whimper of need and pain filled our mouths. I pulled away from her, having to clutch her hair and forcibly pull her back to do so. She just glared at me, her breath coming in panting heaves, each one still echoing that whimper. "Are you sure, Saff?"


    I''d lost track of her hand, but realized what she''d been doing when her blouse practically sprang open, shoved aside by round, firm, full breasts that occupied my attention completely the moment she exposed them. She squeezed her fist behind my head, forcing me to meet her gaze, despite a sudden need to look down to where she''d shoved her hand down between us, past where she pressed herself against my belly, straight down under my pants, until only the thinnest layer of silk lay between her questing fingers and my suddenly aching need.


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    "What did you call me?"


    Half of my open mouth quirked up into a smirk. "Saff?"


    She slid a finger across me and bucked herself against me, her eyes fluttering half closed before snapping back open as her hands and hips froze. "What?"


    I couldn''t help it. "Saffie?"


    She ruthlessly plunged a single silk-wrapped finger inside me, then froze again as I shuddered, "What''s. My. Name?"


    Because despite an eternity of torment in the darkness and the endless aching need between my legs, I am absolutely That Bitch, I said, "I''m sorry, who were you talking to again?"


    Had I not had every erg of fear wasted over the past three nights, had I had the slightest remaining iota of self preservation, the smile that bent her lips before she spoke would have terrified me, and the feral growl in her voice would have made me wet myself. Not that doing so would change the overall humidity down there right now. "What''s. My. Name. Tabitha?"


    I couldn''t force my voice to work the way I wanted, but it didn''t matter. I''d still not gotten an answer to my earlier question, so I decided I would ask exactly one more time before considering my due diligence done. "Are," I gasped, as an involuntary shudder made both of us twitch, "Are you sure, Saffronnnnnnnnnggg...."


    I toppled over backward onto the bed as she showed me without fear of misinterpretation that sure or not, she was doing this thing. Doing me, fast and hard and without fear or mercy or pity or...


    "Saffffronnnmffpph." She pulled my mouth to hers, her hips working against me, her fingers insistent and incessantly working me closer to completion. I pulled her away, muffling her complaints before they could begin by forcing her down and filling her mouth with my breast. Her tongue had more skills than her hand, and although a moment later I had the incredible opportunity to compare the two, as she pulled her hand from my hair and moved it to my other breast. I completely lost the capacity for rational thought at that point.


    I lost myself to her hands, her mouth, her fingers, drifting moment by moment toward and away from climax, until the tiniest whimper of need vibrated my nipple. My free hand slid down her back, under her pants, under her panties, grabbing her ass and forcing her to grind her hips against me, mindlessly pushing her back and forth by my grip on her hair and ass, until that whimper against my nipple became an aching moan, her teeth scraped across the skin of my breast, and I lost all sense of self control as my orgasm shook me like an earthquake. My breast slipped out of her mouth as coming made my hands sloppy, and her moans echoed my own as she twitched on top of me, against me, inside me as even her fingers shook.


    We lay there like that, every overwhelming wave of pleasure forcing one of us to shudder, setting off another wave in the other in turn. That lasted long enough for the sweat to cool beneath us, and my own natural inclination toward mischief made me deliberately rub her against me again.


    That set off another cascade of involuntary post-orgasmic shudders bouncing back and forth between both of us. When we went still, before I could start another round, she whispered, "stop."


    "You no like?"


    Her initial reply to that was to moan and twitch her own fingers, which set off the predictable reactions in both of us. When we lay there panting, I stifled a giggle long enough to say, "I thought you said stop?"


    That set us both to giggling, which took another few rounds of involuntary delightfully torturous twitches before the giggling dialed our mutual lady-boners back from ''kill with extreme prejudice'' to ''lightly stun with a side of aching sides''.


    "No, you goof. I mean, yes, I said that, and yes, I like that, but we still need to get to the fucking Infirmary."


    "Oh, no. I think Sister Siobhan will object if we do that there." I feigned speculation and continued with, "unless you think she''d want to join in? I''m not really into older chicks, but I''m willing to try anything at least three times."


    She pushed herself up enough to look down her nose at me in disbelief. "Three times?"


    "I mean, the first time might be a fluke. So might the second. So you need the third time as a tiebreaker."


    "What if you like it the first two times?"


    I let my hands trace lazy circles across her back, under her shirt, congratulating myself on keeping my eyes on hers, rather than staring at the surprisingly impressive pair of knockers dangling over me. "Well then I like it, so it''ll be a lot more than three, but you can''t get to four without three, after all."


    Her snort spoiled her arch look. "What if you don''t like it the first two times?"


    I huffed out a sigh at her, "There''s no point in having a rule if you don''t enforce it, after all. So I''ll just have to force myself into a Saffron Siobhan sandwich a third time."


    She rolled her eyes at that. "I think she''s taken a vow of chastity."


    "Pfft. What does that even mean?"


    "It means she has to be chaste."


    "So? I know you get winded pretty quick, but I''m sure I can chase her sufficiently for any vow she''s taken."


    That started her giggling again, and she collapsed onto my chest, giving in completely to the giggles this time while I held her, just smiling down at her. After a while she settled down and, without looking at me, continued, "seriously, we need to get to the Infirmary."


    "What''s the deal with that, anyway?" She tensed, and I waved a hand around the wreckage in the room; at some point my chair had been tipped over to lay atop our abandoned clothing, two of my drawers stood half open, and the armoire doors both gaped wide. "I mean, I get you''re kinda private about it, but," I paused, hope and fear battling in me, "we kinda got pretty deep into each other''s privates, I mean intimate bits, I mean," at that point I couldn''t keep a straight face and giggled a little, and she reached down and slapped me on the thigh.


    "You goof. Not the same. But," she trailed off, laying there silently in my arms for an endless moment until she heaved a sigh and wriggled around until she lay face down on top of me. Then she lifted herself up with one arm, reaching the other around to tangle in my hair and force my gaze down to her blatantly gravity defying breasts.


    "I mean, the view is really fuckin'' good, which I did not expect at all what with you hiding it under your jacket this whole... oh." A single milky white drop coalesced at the tip of her nipple, growing until it fell to splash against my own currently entirely lactose free boobs.


    She let go of my hair, and I looked up into her eyes. "How old is...?"


    "Isnomi. She''s six months old. She spends Mondays, Tuesdays, and Fridays here with me, although sometimes on Tuesdays and Fridays Sister Siobhan sits for me while I''m working with professors on independent study work, and my grandma takes care of her the rest of the week."


    I glanced down at her tits, not just to get another look, but so she knew what I meant when I said, "don''t they hurt when they''re like that?"


    "Yes? Kinda? More like they''re a little achey and incredibly sensitive."


    I moved a hand, saying, "So, if I..."


    Before I got any further she slammed my hand back onto the bed, pinning it, and growled, "Tabitha Diaz, if you do not cut that out right now, I swear to Artemis I will sneak in here every night," she paused, and I just stared at her. "I will learn paralysis magic to keep you from doing anything," she paused again.


    This time I couldn''t help myself. "I''m all in so far."


    "and after taunting you right to the edge I will leave you like that every single night until you die."


    I couldn''t help it, I broke up laughing, and before long she was laughing right along with me. That ended when she said, "We need to get you to the Sister about your nightmares, too."


    I finally recognized her tone of voice; a mother refusing to brook any pushback from a recalcitrant child or partner. I decided to come at things obliquely. "Do you pump on the other days?" Okay, really obliquely.


    She pushed herself up off the bed and started trying to get her clothes into some semblance of order with nothing but her bare hands. "Where did you hear about that? I only learned about it here, and only because Heroes really don''t get maternity leave."


    That gave me the opening that I needed, and I forced myself through it. "I''m not from around here."


    She just rolled her eyes at me. "No shit, really?"


    I reared back a little at that and started pulling off my own pumpkin spice sweat soaked clothes. "How the hell did you figure that out?" Another thought occurred to me, "Who else knows?"


    She gave up trying to get her shirt into anything approaching ''clean'', but before she could pull it back on I handed her one of mine, just saying, "oops, laundry mixup."


    She shook her head and, while pulling it on, said, "Bill, probably. Angel, maybe. Some of the other Camden Yards kids might suspect, because you''re not exactly subtle, and Camden Yards isn''t that big of a City. It''s also a poor City, so all of us who had prior military training chipped in for the same Veteran to teach us."


    I hadn''t thought about that. I tossed her a pair of pants and pulled on my own stuff. I took a deep breath and said, "I''m not from Camden Yards. I''m from Camden. New Jersey. United States of America."


    That brought exactly no comprehension to Saffron''s stare until I added, "I grew up there. Lived there my whole life until a little under two months ago. I... I died there." As her eyes went wide I hurried to continue. "I was murdered at the aquarium there. I fell into the water, and woke up at the aquarium here."


    She just stared at me, eyes darting back and forth as she pulled on my too-big pants. As she took a break to speak I finished up with, "That''s what my nightmares are about. I get shot, I die, and I fall into the water. Forever. Dead."


    She finished up, rolled the waistband up until the crotch of the pants snugged up to give her some painful looking camel toe, then rolled the cuffs up a few times before pulling her boots on. She didn''t speak until she''d pulled her jacket on and snugged it down to hide most of the excess fabric of her shirt and pants. Then she took a deep breath and said, "I believe you."


    I opened my mouth to thank her, but she held up one hand, forestalling me. "I believe you''re telling me the truth. I''m fairly certain you''ve left something out, although given you being you," here she smiled to take the sting out of her words, "it''s just as likely you completely failed to notice something important, or you noticed and forgot, or you just haven''t thought to tell me because you don''t realize it''s important. But I believe you''re telling me the truth as you experienced it. And I completely understand how being murdered, then living through that murder night after night could leave you as fucked as you''ve been the past couple days."


    I smirked, "I much prefer being as fucked as I am now. Although more fucked is still an option?"


    She just chuckled. "Tabitha Diaz, you are as irrepressible as you are incorrigible. Now, if you promise to be on your best behavior, I''ll help you explain things to Sister Siobhan, and introduce you to my daughter."


    I finished putting my own outfit on and held one elbow out to her, "Saffron Aetos, I would be delighted to accompany you to meet your daughter."


    "And..."


    I rolled my eyes at her for once, biting my tongue to keep from saying, ''Yes, mom''. Instead I muttered, "and talk to Sister Siobhan about my nightmares."

 Day Forty Eight

    Dear Diary,


    So, yeah. Today was pretty boring, really. PT with duBois, partnered with Saffron for most of the day. Some of the stretching and posing brought some heat to my cheeks from more than exertion, but if he noticed he didn''t say anything. Kind of an interesting side effect of what happened between us yesterday, although I''m not sure if I like it or not, yet. At one point when I sat there, legs splayed as far out to the sides as I could get them while she threw her weight into shoving my torso as flat to the ground as it could go, she screamed, "C''mon, Diaz! I know you''re more flexible than that!" I couldn''t even glance around, what with her using my face to polish the pavers, but nobody did so much as chuckle. She wasn''t the first to holler at her partner by any means, and after a moment I realized that the only reason I really found her words embarrassing had absolutely zero to do with bedroom fun and everything to do with the fact that I was kind of slacking, since her weight really wasn''t enough to force me down if I didn''t want it to.


    Yesterday. Okay, yesterday I went on at length about the results of the night before last, and while I would be lying if I said we hadn''t played some serious tonsil hockey last night after lights out, we spent the night together with Sister Siobhan''s knowledge and blessing. Literally in that latter case, and it seemed like a real insult to her to spoil it by not getting the sleep she knew I needed. I had one nightmare, and in the morning woke from another dream of boredom so endless it seemed almost worse than the screaming terror from midnight, but overall I woke rested and ready for a day of PT, as did Saffron.


    Yeah, I know I''m kind of telling this backwards, but My Diary, My Complete Lack of Anything Resembling Rules.


    So we wound our way around to the Infirmary, taking the long way to avoid having to walk past Sister Trease''s office. The frequent pauses on the steps that evened out our heights in the near abandoned back stairwell had absolutely nothing to do with it.


    When we got there, Sister Siobhan took one look at us and arched an eyebrow, expressing the sentiment of ''Really, Diaz'' more eloquently than anyone else ever had. Before Siobhan or I could say anything, Saffron stepped into the breach.


    "Good morning, Sister. I brought Tabitha along to meet Isnomi and grandma, but before then we need to talk to you about some stuff that I''d really rather not discuss around her."


    Sister Siobhan just looked heavenward for a moment, shook her head, and replied, "It never fails. I assure you, girls, no matter how intense your love for one another, nor how fervently you express it physically, you cannot make one another pregnant."


    My mouth dropped open, and Saffron gabbled wordlessly for an endless half second. Right about when I burst out laughing, she finally found her voice. "I know that, Sister!"


    "Oh, thank you, Canta." She shook her head again and said, "You have no idea how many times a year I''m forced to disabuse some girl or girls about that notion. I shudder to think what Doctor DeLeon must go through with the boys." After a moment or two to catch her bearings, she moved over to a desk against the wall, spun the chair about, sat down, and said, "Now, your grandmother and daughter are waiting, so I''ll stop making mistaken assumptions and let you two tell me what you need." She lifted a hand before either of us could speak and said, "Just because I''m required to report any ''impropriety'' to Headmaster Miles and," unaccustomed venom filled her next two words, "Sister Trease, your Patron is Diana, yes? Nothing improper with the two of you according to my understanding of her doctrines."


    I raised my hand, only just now realizing Saffron held my other one. "Uh... Sister?"


    She looked at me, suddenly suspicious. "Yes?"


    "Artemis isn''t my Patron."


    She and Saffron both winced a little at my casual use of Diana''s other name. "Who is?"


    "Loki."


    She actually spluttered a little at that, looking around like she wanted to be sure the man himself wasn''t hiding in a corner, waiting to jump out at her. She rallied, saying, "I have little idea as to the details of his doctrine. Something about him not having a High Priestess here in Phileo City, or in any other City that I''m aware of. Does he approve of your actions?"


    I shrugged and thought, Hey boss, you got a problem with what me and Saffron got up to this morning?, thinking about the part where we kept setting one another off just in case he missed the whole encounter.


    He replied almost immediately, acerbic amusement laced through his tone. Tabitha Diaz, I fucked a horse in order to con Wotan''s general contractor out of his rightful pay. I am the last deity who would find fault in my devotee''s choice of partners, nor with any particular activity they find themselves engaging in, so long as they both agree and find the acts amusing. The only fault I find in anyone at this moment is in your Sister Siobhan, who is presumptuous and incorrect; either alone I could forgive, but both together must be corrected. Inform her. Before I could do so, he appended, Oh, I also have unintentionally misinformed you in the past, as my third wife has refused my offer of divorce, so it seems I only have two ex-wives. Carry on.


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    I looked Sister Siobhan dead in the eye and said, "Yep, he''s fine with it. He says you''re presumptuous and incorrect though."


    She blanched, but recovered gamely. "So what did you want to talk to me about?"


    I tried to speak, but couldn''t. Saffron came to my rescue. "Tabitha has been having terrible nightmares. She didn''t sleep Wednesday or Thursday, and she only slept most of last night because I sat with her."


    Sister Siobhan deadpanned, "Sat with her."


    My cheeks warmed as I tried to explain, "That happened after. This morning. Swear to god."


    She just nodded and said, "These nightmares. Do you remember them?"


    "Yes." I shuddered just thinking about them.


    "Well, that''s a starting point. Are they at all coherent?" I nodded, and she continued, "That''s something, at least. Incoherent night terrors can happen for a variety of reasons ranging from physiological imbalances to outright attacks by malign entities, but it is deucedly hard to ferret out the causes without anything to work with. Now, are the events in the dreams themselves the sorts one would normally associate with fear?"


    I nodded. I tried to speak, but leftover fear glued my lips together. "That''s actually a good thing. If the nightmares are coherent and inherently frightening, it typically means they are either memories, prophetic, or attacks by particularly unimaginative malign entities. Can you describe them to me?"


    I nodded, opened my mouth, and said... nothing. I couldn''t force words out of my mouth. Me, Tabitha Diaz, woman who couldn''t shut up, couldn''t speak from leftover terror I''d already gotten bored with. I''d just started getting mad at myself when Saffron saved me. Again.


    "She told me about them, Sister. She dreams about the attack on the Aquarium, only in her dreams she died during the attack, but remained conscious despite being dead, conscious and abandoned at the bottom of the river."


    My fury at myself dissipated as Saffron spoke, not because I''d stopped being mad at myself, but because it had been so long since anyone did anything like that for me gratitude overwhelmed me. I closed my eyes, put my arms around her, buried my face in her hair and murmured, "Thank you."


    Sister Siobhan spoke, shudders clear in her voice. "I had never thought of what it might be like to become one of the undead. To the rest of us, they are typically abomination, our fear of death given form, but I see how terrifying it must be from within. Even hearing your nightmare described second hand it is... it is disgusting violation of the most foul kind." She took my hand in hers, pure, cleansing Mana flowing from her to surround first my hand, then my arm, and eventually both my entire body and Saffron''s as well. "I know not whether this is your own fear making itself manifest in the most disturbing way possible, or if your nightmares are the result of some malign entity turning your memories against you, but the dream does seem fixated on past events, not future ones. In any case, I have placed a ward over both of you; should it protect Tabitha from a malign attack, the attacker might turn their sights on you as the person closest to her, Saffron."


    "Thank you, Sister," we inadvertently chorused.


    "Now, my recommendation to you is to visit the Aquarium when next you have the time free to do so. If your issue stems from twisted memories, seeing the reality may help your subconscious recognize that you are not, in fact, trapped at the bottom of the river. If you can swim or arrange appropriate magics, you ought even visit the bottom where some part of you may think you still lie, just to reinforce the reality of what is, rather than the might have been that plagues your dreams."


    I nodded, leaned down and murmured, "Will you come with me?" into Saffron''s hair.


    She pulled away, shooting me a crooked grin before she said, "Of course I''ll come with you, you big goof." She turned to Siobhan and said, "Will that be all, Sister?"


    "Unless you''ve got more you need to discuss. Your daughter is waiting."


    We walked back to the curtained off alcoves, all the way back to the last one in the corner, where an older woman sat letting a baby play with her fingers. Saffron lit up, a glorious smile stretching across her face as she said, "Hey, baby! Guess who''s here!"


    The little one''s head wobbled around immediately, her expression mirroring Saffron''s the moment she caught sight of her. Saffron rushed to her as the little one held her arms out, scooping her up and cradling her as she spun her about, both of them giggling before she carried her daughter over to me. "Isnomi, this is my friend Tabitha. Tabitha, this is my daughter Isnomi."


    Now, I''m not the biggest fan of crotch goblins in general, but when a baby looks at you, you make with the friendly. I smiled my goofiest smile and held out a finger for Isnomi to grab, babbling, "Hi there, Isnomi!" I kicked a leg back and swung my other arm around in a goofy impression of a formal bow, never looking away from her or moving my finger out of her grasping range. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Isnomi Aetos."


    Isnomi looked me up and down, then turned back to her mother screaming like I''d just set her on fire or some shit.


    Luckily Saffron had the magic mom power to interpret a baby''s wail, or the kid had enough in common with me that she could apply a surprisingly similar general remedy. Way faster than she''d done this morning, she pulled back her jacket and untied her shirt, slapping Isnomi''s wailing mouth onto a nipple. Happy suckling noises replaced the wailing to the relief of all three adults in the alcove.


    Grandma Aetos looked me up and down, then half turned to Saffron. "Taller than he was, at least."


    "MA!"


    Her grandmother just snorted. "If my daughter and I didn''t like them short, you''d be taller."


    Grandma Aetos had zero filter and zero chill. I liked her already.

 Day Forty Nine

    Dear Diary,


    On the good side, Saffron tells me I didn''t wake up at all last night. On the bad side, she spends her Devotional day in her room with Isnomi, so I''ll have to get through today on my own. Not looking forward to that, let me tell you.


    Not quite selfish enough to ask her to stay with me, and I suspected my Patron would have words for me if I spent the day locked in her room.


    Since Diana dislikes me now more than ever, I couldn''t spend the day with you, and if you fail to attend me on your day of Devotion, you would break our contract.


    I hadn''t really expected my Patron to be that dedicated to the idea of contractual obligations, but...


    The Patriarch of my Pantheon is the God of Lawyers. It would ill serve either of us to forget that.


    I just hoped Artemis didn''t tell Saffron to break things off with me. I''d hardly even started figuring out what we were, but I kinda wanted to find out.


    She would hardly do that. Deities do not speak with followers willy nilly, and she dislikes me, but not enough to start a Holy War.


    You''d start a Holy War over my love life? That''s both sweet and terrifying at the same time.


    I guess he''s not likely to answer if I don''t ask a question or say something referring to him that more or less needs clarification.


    At any rate, Saffron woke me up, although she did so via the most unsettling manner possible. I drifted near wakefulness, and she nibbled on my ear gently for a bit, then stuck her tongue right in my ear. That hit my ''must fuck now'', ''get that out of my ear'', and ''gah, ooky yucky'' buttons all at once, and I more or less jumped straight up about six inches while still lying on my back. That tumbled her out of the bed onto the floor, where she lay laughing her ass off while I pawed at my ear.


    I growled, "vengeance will be mine!" followed by a rolling leap off the bed to pounce on her. Things digressed from there. Afterward we both agreed that while the mattress did a great job of imitating a slab of rock, it was, in point of fact, significantly less rocklike than the stone floor.


    Vengeance achieved, we got dressed and headed to breakfast. She''d had the foresight to bring a change of clothes, and we arrived at the Dining Hall just as they opened up for breakfast. We took our normal seats, which I felt some kind of way about, but didn''t say anything, preferring to focus on seeing how many trays of spicy eggs I could devour. The other people at the table screwed my count up by insisting on snagging some from the first two trays, but I got the third and fourth to myself. Right around then the Barbie Brigade got up from their table, moving with more sense of purpose than I remembered, and I dropped everything and bolted for the Practice Yard. I passed them just as we got to the door, and I noticed with glee that they''d all swerved and waited to stay out of arm''s reach of me.


    Combat Training was, frankly, boring for most of the day. The Barbie Brigade refused to spar with me. I managed to get Angel into the ring, but she immediately charged me and grabbed at me. She took her several tries at getting a hold, as I blocked and escaped and tried to get one of my own on her with equal lack of success. At one point I managed to grab her wrist and start pulling it behind her, but she powered her way out of my attempted arm lock, leaving me stumbling away from her. In the end, after what Saffron tells me was like ninety solid seconds of grapples, escapes, and missed or blocked jabs and slaps, I twisted to hide one of my hands and powered up a quick Stabilize. Before I even finished the Spell, Angel came at me, taking advantage of her extra hand to start a combo I couldn''t even follow, and I wound up face down on the ground with both hands behind me and Angel kneeling on my ass, her fingers interlaced with mine keeping me from even attempting anything like Stabilize.


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    I spat out a mix of blood and stone dust in front of me and said, "you know I can''t slap the ground like this."


    "That just occurred to me too. You give?"


    I thought about it a second. I wasn''t really in pain, but I couldn''t break the hold, and any attempts to do so really would hurt, with no real expectation of success. "You know I could outwait you."


    "That occurred to me as well, but I''m not putting out a lot of effort here. You really got the attention span for that?"


    That got a laugh out of me. "Nah. You win. Good fight."


    She let go of my hands, rolled back off of me to her feet, then helped me stand up after I''d rolled over onto my back. I pulled her into a quick victory bro-hug, and she said, "Good fight yourself. I got worried there for a bit, thought you''d tire me out before I got a grip on you."


    After that, since Angel wasn''t up for another round and Saffron had nothing to do but referee us, she suggested we try a quick spar.


    I raised an eyebrow, "You sure?"


    "Let''s do this."


    We got in the ring, Angel officiating, and I slid into my favored side-on pose, already charging up a Stabilize in my hidden left hand. Saffron just stood there at Parade Rest, staring at me. I edged forward, jabbing at her face and shoulders with my right. She bobbed and swayed, backing up with every step, careful to slide sideways as much as back, so I wouldn''t force her out of the ring inadvertently. After a little while doing that, I changed my target and started jabbing at her chest. I managed to land one quick jab, and she shot me a dark look as she backed up again.


    "Bitch!"


    I laughed when I realized what I''d done, even though I felt a little bad. I mean, they''re big targets, especially given how small a target she was in general. Only a little, though, because it wasn''t really a good spar unless you learned something, like where your own weaknesses were.


    I guess that meant Saffron made our next exchange a good spar for me.


    I''d gotten tired of chasing her, so the next time she circled to put a corner behind her, I leapt at her, bringing my overcharged Stabilize around in a wide swing that would catch her even if she sidestepped away from it. She surprised me by jumping toward me, spinning to put her back to me as she did. I pulled in my swing; it didn''t need to have a lot of power behind it, the Stabilize would do its work if I just touched her with it. I just barely managed to land it on her shoulder.


    Just as hers caught me right in the crotch.


    I have no idea how long we both stood there, because I lost all sensation of time in the ensuing spasms. I discovered right then that Stabilize wasn''t an ''electric'' Spell, no matter how much it felt kind of like that. Yeah, it had a bit of a ''make muscles twitch and clench'', but it also just poured raw life force into the target, hence the whole ''Stabilize'' thing. Having all the muscles in my crotch clench had the expected effect, and I realized that I would never really be into S&M, because while I''d have had the pleasant kind of mess in my shorts if I''d been a guy, having everything else from my tits to my knees simultaneously experience a Charlie horse pretty much took all the fun out of it.


    The moment the Stabilize stopped locking my body into an endless clench, I toppled backward to the ground. Saffron caught my right hand as I fell; she didn''t keep me from hitting the ground, but she did at least make the impact on the back of my head annoying rather than potentially harmful. I lay there on the ground, lifted my left hand into the air about six inches, and let it fall.


    "How, the, fuck?" I panted.


    She smirked down at me. "You''re a little predictable. Also, I never stopped charging my Stabilize." My expression must have conveyed my confusion, so she explained further, "I hit you with everything I had, and since I was still charging I hit you with everything you''d pumped into me as well. For what it''s worth, I can''t move my left arm."


    I couldn''t help it, I just laughed as I climbed her to get back to my feet, forcing my aching muscles to obey with nothing but pure fuck you. "Good fight. Now let''s get you down to Sister Siobhan."


    She flinched. "It''ll go away on its own."


    I shook my head. "Nope. I mean, yeah, it might, but I''d rather find out now that we''re overreacting than find out tomorrow that Sister Siobhan can''t do shit because it''s been too long since the injury."


    She pouted. I insisted. Angel sided with me, and I won.


    It felt kinda good to be the mature one for once.

 Day Fifty

    Dear Diary,


    Not much to talk about today.


    After seeing Saffron to the Infirmary for Sister Siobhan to check her out, I returned to the Practice Yard and ran laps for the rest of the day. I made it a little challenging by sprinting at top speed until I nearly fell down from exhaustion, then jogging until I felt I''d got my wind back enough to sprint again. I kept hoping someone would twig to the fact that two of the ROTC crew had beaten me, but nobody else wanted to risk the kind of beatdown I''d given the Barbie Brigade.


    Only one nightmare last night, although I''m not sure I should call an eternity of staring at a tiny glowing crack in the ceiling a proper nightmare. I woke up to Marie knocking on my door. I opened the door sans clothes, thanked her for the clean laundry she delivered, and went about my day. Okay, she gave me a good long look up and down, smiling before saying ''de nada'' and wandering off to do Marie things, but that''s pretty much my day.


    I forgot to ask her for a bath last night, and I didn''t see her at breakfast, although I got there a little late. Okay, really late, I spent a little alone time in my room before dressing and heading out. No spicy eggs left for your girl Tabitha.


    Stolen novel; please report.


    I picked up Loki in the park outside the school, and he led me to a really nice hole-in-the-wall caf¨¦ down on the waterfront next to Delaware Ave. We just sat there vibing most of the day, commenting on passerby and shooting the shit about nothing much.


    I did have one question that had bugged me since my bout with Angel. "Hey Boss, how is it that Angel could keep me in that hold?"


    He looked a little confused, so I kind of pointed my brain at him the way I''d do when I needed his attention and ran through my memory of the event.


    "Ah! I see. Were you really feeling trapped, confined, and so on?"


    "Maybe, yeah, sorta."


    He nodded, "so much so that you''d break your friend''s fingers to get away?"


    I shook my head, "No, not so much."


    "There you go then. Magic, whether divine, arcane, or any other variety I''ve heard of, tends to follow the wielder''s subconscious desires in the absence of conscious direction to do otherwise. In that situation, my blessing could have gotten you out, but the simplest, most straightforward way to do so would have been to break your friend''s fingers."


    "Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon."


    That led us into an entire discussion on the Ghostbusters. Not a super easy task without letting you know who know about you know what.


    I''m guessing my god given gifts don''t work on sticky situations I really don''t want out of, either.

 Day Fifty One

    Dear Diary,


    So yesterday I wound up having to explain an entire four pack of motion pictures to someone who doesn''t know what movies are, doesn''t really grok what I think of as modern technology, and has no idea what ''New York City'' is.


    So, about par for the course talking to that particular someone.


    Also, I woke up screaming twice last night. Third nightmare of the night returned to the horror of ennui, but at least that one lets me sleep. Not very restfully, but it''s not like I''ve got PT or Combat Training today.


    So Marie woke me up knocking on my door to deliver the day''s laundry, giving me another once over while she did. I asked her if she could arrange a bath tonight, and she actually paused, thinking about it.


    "Hey, no biggie if you can''t. It''s not like I reek or anything."


    She inhaled through her nose, smiled, and said, "Wrong." She paused then added, "Nice." Then she got a weird look on her face and said, "Who?"


    It only took me a moment to realize what she was asking me. "Saffron."


    I''ve no idea why Marie would care one way or the other. Okay, I had an idea, but I really didn''t want to explore that idea just at this moment. Maybe once I learned a lot more in the way of self-healing Spells. At any rate, rather than looking hurt or angry, she just stood there with a weird considering look on her face, then smiled again and said, "Nice," before turning and going about her busy day of Marie things. I leaned around the door and called out, "Just, whenever day works for you I''d really like to get clean." She nodded as she walked off, so I went about getting dressed for the day. Gotta tell you, having decent underwear did wonders for my disposition. I mean, the blouses aren''t too bad once I''ve worn them for a few hours to work the starch out, but someday soon I''d like to get something approximating a real bra to go under them.


    Maybe I''d talk with Loki about that.


    You already owe the Smith, perhaps you could ask him when you model for him.


    Or maybe I''d just do that. I wondered if I''d have to spend a Tuesday or Friday afternoon modeling, or if Loki would take me there on one of my Devotional days.


    Oh, definitely one of your Devotional days. Should I spend any more time at your side my wife might become jealous, and neither of us want that. Also, I would not leave any living thing I cared about to the nonexistent tender mercies of the Smith.


    Good to know. I mean, I kinda got that vibe from him already, but it''s nice to know the old danger radar is still working. Nice to know someone cares about me, too.


    Actually, I''d accumulated a not-insignificant list of folks who cared about me, even if all but one or two did so in a professional way rather than something less transactional.


    So I rolled out of my room and hit breakfast without any problems. Angel, Bill, and the gobbos were all there, Saffron conspicuous by her absence. At a guess, spending the morning with Isnomi. On the one hand, I kinda missed her outraged looks at my complete disregard for table manners. On the other, more spicy eggs for me.


    I got to Remedial Mana more or less on time, and Doc nodded in greeting. I remembered something Sister Siobhan said and, when they came over to set up my protective shield and mana counter, I waved them over closer and quietly asked, "Hey Doc, is it true some of the guys here think they can get each other pregnant?"


    They grinned and winced at the same time. "Where did you hear that little tidbit?"


    I smiled back at them and mimed locking my mouth shut, then whisper-intoned "I''ll never reveal my sources!"


    That got a chuckle out of them, and they answered my initial question, "There are always a few who worry, and this year''s class has a high Bag population."


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    I frowned at them; I hadn''t expected bigotry from them. "What do you mean by that?"


    To their credit, they looked pretty abashed when they quietly replied, "Nothing bad, I assure you. But the Bag have always been less judgmental about partners of the same gender, and have a somewhat higher population who identify as a gender different to what you''d expect from their private parts."


    I nodded, keeping my voice low, "Oh! So you''ve got more Gay and Lesbian Cadets this year, and a guy with a vajayjay can still get preggers even if he''s a guy."


    I think they almost choked on their own tongue at my phrasing, but they rallied well, "Yes, although I wouldn''t use those terms."


    "Vajajay? Preggers?"


    They rolled their eyes. "Lesbian, and moreso Gay. The preferred terms are Sapphic and Patroc."


    "Patrick? Really? I''m sure you''ve got a few Patricks in the school, no?"


    "Well, yes, but none of them really see a problem with being associated with Patroclus."


    My ill spent time in the library with that old Mythology brick came to my rescue again. "Achilles'' squeeze?"


    "The very same."


    I nodded, things falling into place. "So what''s the preferred term for Bi folks?"


    "Bi?"


    "Swing both ways? Bat for both teams? Finger-guns? Likes bananas and peaches? Switch Hitters? Fence Sitters? AC / DC? Dual Wields? Likes meat and fish? Ambisextrous?"


    Doc''s confusion melted right around ''bananas and peaches'', got a twinkle in their eye at ''fence sitters'', and just lost it laughing at ''likes meat and fish''; by the time they registered ''ambisextrous'' they''d started slapping at my desk saying, "Stop it, Gods, Diaz, stop it!"


    Consent is important, so I stopped.


    What?


    I wondered briefly if getting a teacher to lose their shit like that counted as a Glorious Victory for Patron purposes, but only briefly, because...


    I''ll allow it. The role of trickster is often one of humor. Well done, Tabitha Diaz.


    Yay! Brownie points with the big man, and got Doc to lose their cool in a good way.


    For what it''s worth, before they popped up my safety bubble, they looked at me and said, "The preferred term is Pan."


    I spent the first half of class practicing my Status Spell, trying to push it into ''Skill'' territory. No such luck, but I did notice one change.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(52, 73, 94, 1)" width="45%">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    NAME


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Tabitha Diaz


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Hybrid


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    HYBRID


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Bag (31.25%) / Dan (25%) / Human (37.5%) / Vanir (6.25%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Juvenile (<REDACTED>)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ATTRIBUTES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    STRENGTH


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGILITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ENDURANCE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    6


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    REASON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MEMORY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PERSONALITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AFFINITIES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Water (18.75%), Air (9.375%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PATRON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Loki


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    CQC


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MANA SHAPING


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    6


    </td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    I did not look forward to the shit fit I predicted Saffron having over me having not just a second skill, but one at the unholy high level of eight.


    I tried not to think about what might happen if she ever got to see my other sheet''s Racial Skills. But then, I tried not to think about that a lot, and it turns out I''m really good at Not Thinking if I put my mind to it.

 Day Fifty Two

    Dear Diary,


    Saffron woke me up for breakfast this morning; I opened the door sans clothes, as was my wont, and while she got a little pink, she stepped in, pushed the door about a finger width from closed, and then pulled my chin down to look me in the eyes before giving me a quick kiss on the lips. "How''ve the nightmares been?"


    I sighed. "Nothing Sunday night. A couple Monday night. Three last night. Four if you count the boring one that lets me sleep."


    She shook her head, but just asked, "Do you want me to stay with you tonight?"


    I smiled my relief; I''d still had nightmares the nights she stayed, but I''d had fewer, and gotten back to sleep way easier. "Please?"


    She smirked at me, "Okay. You know you''ll owe me for this."


    I slapped an exaggerated leer on my face and said, "I could pay in kind?"


    She just snorted, "Like you weren''t going to try that anyway. Besides, I had something else in mind."


    "Do tell."


    "Nah, I think I''ll show." With that she shoved me back towards my bed, and I flopped onto my back at the foot, catching myself before my head hit the wall. Saffron hopped on the bed, her boots up near my pillow and her head down at my waist. Despite my suddenly fevered imaginings, she moved up rather than down, putting her arms around me and laying her head against my belly. Given how I''d crunched to avoid decorating the wall with my hindbrain, even I could see my six pack showing through. She lay there for a while while I enjoyed the warmth and closeness.


    Of course, I had to screw it up. "Isn''t that a little, I dunno, uncomfortable hard?"


    "Shush, you. It''s softer than our beds, and it''s warmer too."


    I''m a screw up, but I''m not that big of a screw up. I held myself up with my left elbow and my abs, using my right to stroke her hair. I swear she started purring at one point. After a while she shook herself and sat up. "Yeah, that''ll do fine."


    I gave her a bit more of a kiss than she''d given me earlier, then stood up and got dressed as a fast as possible. I wouldn''t miss time alone with Saffron for the world, but... spicy eggs.


    This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    I''d made the right call. Breakfast had trays of spicy eggs and spicy scrapple.


    Pop quiz in Geography and World Cultures today. I kinda bombed it, because while I did okay on the part about Dan and Bag and Aesir and Vanir, I might as well have been asleep on my feet last week for the lesson about Saint Boltophsberg. I asked a few questions as we reviewed the quiz, and it turns out Saint Boltophsberg was settled by Russians. Whole different set of supernatural races there, too. I made a mental note to ask Saffron about it; she''d aced the quiz.


    Today''s lesson turned out to be about ''Rich Man''s Port''. I''m not sure, but I think it sat right in the middle of Virginia back in the US of A. The big surprise came with who had settled it; the English.


    Doc DeLeon called on me when I raised my hand. "I thought you said the English weren''t really, I dunno, a political force."


    He nodded, "That''s true, in general. They''re too disorganized to have any kind of centralized power structure, which means they don''t really have much influence during times of peace. However, what they do have is a disproportionate number of fighters for their overall population, combined with the odd advantage of owing their allegiance to no particular City or Family."


    "So how''d they manage a colony?"


    He shook his head, "It''s not so much a colony as a pirate base. In this case, one with a very powerful magical overlord."


    "So why don''t the other cities get together and take them out?"


    He opened his mouth to answer, then paused before he said, "Why do you think?"


    I cudgeled my sleep deprived brain, but couldn''t come up with anything. "I got nothin''."


    He looked around the room; only two hands had shot up. Saffron and Lancaster.


    "Cadet Lancaster?"


    "No one with the power to do anything about them has any fear of them, and those who fear them lack the will to band together and attack." I swear, he could sneer his way through an entire sentence.


    Doc DeLeon raised one hand and wobbled it in a ''so-so'' gesture. "Not entirely wrong, but missing one key factor. Cadet Aetos?"


    "The House of Orange."


    "Yes! Who remembers why they''re relevant?" He scanned around the room before nodding to someone behind me and calling out, "Cadet Aetos?"


    Raven spoke from behind me, "They tried to get the City-States of Europa to band together and destroy the Thames pirates, and got themselves beaten so badly they had to leave Europa entirely."


    "Excellent!"


    We spent the afternoon mostly studying the various types of Sidhe and ''Fae''; apparently while some of the Bag are related to Fae, who hail from ''Underhill'', the Fae proper owe allegiance to one of the courts of the Sidhe, and the warlord of Rich Man''s Port is a Sidhe. Apparently nobody knows the name of the Warlord, because it''s not always been the same guy. Every now and again some other Sidhe lord decides to promote himself. If he loses, nobody cries, and if he wins, Rich Man''s Port has a new Warlord stronger than the old Warlord, and the Fae, Humans, and Hybrids just roll with it.


    Shoe leather beef for dinner tonight. Couldn''t complain too much, what with Saffron cheesecake for a late night snack.

 Day Fifty Three

    Dear Diary,


    I had nightmares again last night, but Saffron soothed me through them enough that I didn''t really remember how many. The boring one almost felt soothing, like I could feel someone nearby, outside the chest, and faintly heard them crooning to me. I woke to Saffron laying on top of me, quiet snores vibrating my chest where she''d used my tits as a pillow. I couldn''t very well wake her up what with her looking so cute, so I just lay there staring at her until she woke up on her own.


    She stopped snoring, snorted a little, and lifted her head, looking around blearily. "Dia..." she interrupted herself with a yawn and stretch, pushing herself up a little as she did. "Tabitha? You awake."


    "Yeah."


    "You mind turning the light on?"


    I gently rolled her off of me, guiding her so she didn''t wind up with her arm stuck under her or anything, then hopped out of bed and walked over to the desk to turn the light up. I debated keeping it low, but figured we probably needed to get moving to get breakfast, and pushed it all the way open.


    "Gah! Warn a body before you do that!"


    I grinned, "Sorry. Figured we need to get dressed right away, but I wanted to enjoy the view while it lasts."


    She just rolled her eyes at me, rolled off the bed and went to the armoire, where she''d hung a few uniforms the night before. I just leaned against the edge of my desk, watching her.


    "Well, aren''t you going to get dressed?"


    "Like I said, enjoying the view while it lasts."


    She blushed a little at that, stuttering a bit before saying, "If you dawdle so much you''re late for breakfast, I''m not saving you any eggs."


    She''d said that as she pulled her shirt lapel ties around behind her. Not gonna lie, the view was still pretty good, but I could see that view any time, so I started in on getting myself dressed. Unlike Saffron, I didn''t much care if everything was perfect, so we wound up finishing right about the same time. I held out an elbow and said, "Shall we adjourn to the Dining Hall, m''lady?"


    She slapped at me playfully, giggling, "you goof." But she took my elbow as we proceeded to breakfast.


    Today the staff blessed us with spicy eggs, peppered scrapple, and loaves of some really thick black bread. Pumpernickel or dark rye bread, I''m not sure exactly what it was other than really good. They even had little tubs of cream cheese with it, and you bet your ass I schmeared that shit all over slices of my bread. Right as the Maids brought around what I guessed was the final round of food and water, I snagged a loaf and whispered to Saffron, "I''mma try somethin''."


    While I had yet to convert a single Spell to a Skill, I''d gotten really good at the Spells I knew, and even better at manipulating my little mana wires. I held a loaf of bread by one heel, pushed a six inch wire of mana out of my index finger, focused on some of the light instead coming out as heat, and sliced it through the bread near the opposite heel. I cackled out some mad laughter as the heel wobbled off the loaf, smoking faintly, then went to town turning the rest of the loaf into insta-toast.


    When I''d finished, I pulled my little mana-knife back into my finger, lifted the still-smoking heel of bread in my left hand and grabbed a spoonful of cream cheese to spread across it. As I watched it melt, I looked around the table. Bonita and Fred looked like they''d near shat themselves. Angel and Bill sat there laughing their asses off, although I couldn''t tell if they were laughing at the gobbo''s reactions, Saffron''s facepalm, Raven sitting there sketching what I''d done, Doc Roberts standing there mirroring Saffron''s facepalm, or some combination of all of the above. I decided to ignore all of them until someone said something to me directly. Instead I just took a great big bite of my toast, groaning at the pure sybaritic luxury of cream cheese on toast.


    When the others all more or less got themselves under some kind of control, I shoved the rest of the heel into my mouth and mumbled, "What? Would''a been better with butter, but damn that hit the spot."


    Doc Roberts stopped facepalming long enough to say, "Cadet Diaz, do you recall what I said about putting your fellow students in danger by practicing untested Mana Shapes without proper protections in place?"


    I thought about it for a second before replying, "Is a half foot or so of solid rock ''adequate protection'' for something like what I did?"


    To their credit, they thought a second before replying, "I know I''ll regret this, but yes, it ought to be."


    I grabbed up another slice of toast and started cheesing it while I replied, "No problem, then. I tested this in my room." At that Saffron''s hand dropped, and she just half-glared at me until I said, "I mean, what else do I have to do when I can''t sleep from nightmares."


    She just shook her head and said, "I can''t believe you, of all people, are troubled by nightmares. I suppose they don''t believe in professional courtesy to another nightmare."


    That got everyone except Raven laughing, even Doc Roberts. I shot Saffron my best sultry look and said, "To quote Beyonce, I''m a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare."


    "What I''d really like to know," said Doc, "is how you managed to practice anything in your room. They''re Mana Shielded to prevent just that; anyone with the knowledge to disable those knows enough to set up shielding before... experimenting."


    Find this and other great novels on the author''s preferred platform. Support original creators!


    I thought back to the first time I practiced alone in my room. "Oh, is that what that was?" I put on my best contrite kid face and said, "I''m sorry. I think I broke it."


    That got another round of laughter, even from Saffron. Doc shot me a ''really, Diaz?'' look and then shook their head and said, "I''ll see you in class."


    When we got to class, they already had my Mana detector set up, and once Saffron and I had sat at our desks they put up a pair of bubble shields around us. "Just in case you can''t stop yourself from experimenting entirely." They said before shaking their head and walking to the door. They paused there and said, "Oh, come see me before Lunch. I need to show you something."


    Just to buy myself a few extra seconds before Saffron gave me another dose of irritated disbelief at my weird Status screen, I practiced my Inspect on her first.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(52, 73, 94, 1)" width="45%">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    NAME


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Saffron Aetos


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Hybrid


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    HYBRID


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Bag (12.5%) / Human (87.5%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Young Adult (<REDACTED>)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ATTRIBUTES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    STRENGTH


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGILITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ENDURANCE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    REASON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MEMORY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    5


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PERSONALITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AFFINITIES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Air (6.25%) / Earth (9.375%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PATRON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Artemis


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    STATUS


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    1 (++)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MANA SHAPING


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    1 (+)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    INSPECT


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    1


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ASSESS HEALTH


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    1


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACIAL SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    None


    </td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    "Dammit." I muttered under my breath.


    "What''s wrong?" Saffron tilted her head, curious.


    I swallowed my growing resentment, because it just plain wasn''t fair to her, and complained, "You''re progressing really well. You''ve got two notches next to Status, and one next to Mana Shaping now. When you age out of ''Young'' Adult, you''ll be picking those up left and right."


    She smiled, blushing a little and said, "I practice them every chance I get. I know we''re not really supposed to, but I do Status while whenever we get a moment to breathe in all of my classes."


    "Ooh, look out, my rebellious is rubbing off on you."


    She shook her head, "No, there''s no rule against it. I checked. It''s more an unspoken thing. But until someone speaks it, I''m gonna keep on following the rules as written."


    I had to smile at that, even though my resentment still lurked. I let a little of it out when I said, "I just wish I could get some kind of idea how long it would take me to get a new Skill."


    She just stared at me. I stared back, not sure what kind of idiot thing I''d done or said now. Eventually she broke and said, "Okay, first, you''ve already gotten one new Skill, Artemis alone knows how."


    I winced. "You... you saw that? I didn''t notice you casting Inspect."


    "You... you really don''t remember anything from class last week, do you?" Part of me winced at the sympathy in her eyes, but the rest of me desperately needed it. I just shook my head.


    "Ouch. Also, I''m screaming inside right now, because you still wound up taking all your turns with that crazy eye-Inspect you do."


    I perked up a little at that. "Huh. Muscle memory? Maybe?"


    She frowned, "Muscles don''t have memory. That''s brains. Or hearts. Or stomachs. Depends on who you listen to, but my gut tells me it''s brains."


    I laughed, "So your gut tells you it''s not your gut doing the thinking?"


    She smiled, "Yeah, you know what I mean, you goof. Anyway, however you did it, you did it. Once I get Stabilize down as a Skill, I really want you to teach me that."


    "You got it. You mentioned ''first''. What''s ''second''?"


    She just huffed out an annoyed sigh and said, "The Inspect screen shows you as a Juvenile. No matter how un-Juvenile you act, the Spell thinks you''re not able to gain any Skills except Racial Skills. But you''ve still got two full on Skills listed. I suspect the Spell is trying to account for your," here her voice dropped to a whisper, "unusual origins."


    I grimaced, hoping she''d think it came from my need to keep my Isekai nature a secret, rather than me feeling more than a little guilty for lies-by-omission about my other Status screen. "So, what does that mean, I''ve got to get a Skill past tier one for it to show up at all?"


    She shook her head, but her face said ''maybe'' when she replied, "That might be true, but really? I think not. According to Inspect, and I suspect Status, you''re a Juvenile. Juveniles can''t have Skills. So no matter how much you practice, you''ll never show as having a Skill."


    I swear to god, my forehead is going to put the Academy''s ''you can''t break this shit'' furniture to the worst stress test it''s ever going to get by the time I graduate.

 Day Fifty Four

    Dear Diary,


    So yesterday before Lunch Doc Roberts showed me how to do my very own Reinforced Special Education Mana Shaping Bubble. Apparently he taught me an ''inverted'' version that surrounds me, rather than the ''normal'' version that surrounds something or someone I''m targeting. I''ll have to get Loki to teach me how to make a regular ''non-inverted'' one, I guess.


    Just target something else. It should work fine. Your Doc Roberts is just a very conservative sort when it comes to magical experimentation.


    While that wasn''t the impression I''d gotten, I figured I might as well take Loki''s word for it. He''d spent Glory to get me a nice outfit to waltz through creepy papa''s party, I figured he wouldn''t deliberately give me outright bad advice.


    At any rate, after lunch we spent the afternoon with Saffron practicing her Stabilize. I mean, I took a few turns to see how fast I could do it, with Saffron timing me, but with no way to actually get a Skill, I figured we ought to spend our time doing something fun, or barring that something at least moderately productive. Of course, by the end of the day Saffron had another notch in Mana Shaping and got Stabilize down as a Skill.


    So. Much. Envy.


    Anyway, as Saffron and I walked back to my room after dinner, I put an arm around her. She tensed, then leaned into me. It felt kinda nice being all lovey dovey and sort of protective and shit. After a second, I thought of something and, before I forgot about it or it could spoil my vibe, I asked, "You''re getting enough sleep, right?"


    She just snorted. "Diaz, I''ve got a six month old kid. I don''t ever get enough sleep, period."


    That killed my happy vibe pretty quick. "You really ought to get some rest. I can last through a night or two. I even sleep through most of the nightmares on days we''re in the Practice Yard."


    She shook her head, jabbing me in the side with her elbow as she did. "You big goof. I''ll let you know if you''re shorting me on sleep more than I can handle." She stopped, forcing me to stop, and turned toward me, pulling me around as she did, wrapping her arms around my waist. "It means a lot to me that you''d offer, given how badly your nightmares have fucked you up on nights you face them alone."


    I leaned down for a kiss, and she didn''t hesitate or play coy. She''d already started blushing a little before my eyes closed and our lips met, but that just added to her cuteness. When she broke away, I scooped her up in my arms. She definitely rated a princess carry.


    Hijinks ensued when we got back to my room. Very hijinks. Much orgasm. Wow.


    As we lay there afterward, spent and sweaty, I proved my idiocy by saying, "I''m not in any way complaining, but you seem a little voracious tonight?"


    She just chuckled as she scooped our clothes into a single pile for the laundry. Not like they''d mistake her stuff for mine or vice versa. "Yeah, well, it''ll help both of us sleep, and we''ve got to get up and moving in the morning. You don''t want to be late for breakfast or class, and Isnomi''s over tomorrow."


    "My lover is frighteningly, perhaps even fiendishly well prepared and plannish," I said with the back of one hand on my forehead, miming a fainting pose.


    She outright laughed at that, then more or less tackled me onto the bed. "Muah ha ha ha! Once more to make sure you sleep through the night!"


    So, like, despite her best efforts, I woke up screaming once, and whimpering once after that, but she barely had to wake up to soothe me back to sleep. Freaky Mom powers activate, I guess. At any rate, we got up, got to breakfast on time, crammed ourselves full of protein and spices, then went our separate ways with nary a single public display of affection.


    At one point when Loki worked with me on the Celtic words for ''Hooked On Brain Brands Worked For Me!'', he murmured, "You do realize that after snatching you away from her after she discarded you, then parading you across Olympus during Heracles¡¯ annual celebration, your paramour''s Patron is less than pleased with me, yes?"


    "Oh, em, gee! That''s it! After I''ve got this down, I need to learn how to write ''Saffron is Best Paramour''."


    I counted it as a minor victory when he sighed and said, "Of course you do."


    Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.


    I managed a legible ''Hooked On Brain Brands Worked For Me!'' by Lunch. Before I made it to the Dining Hall, Saffron intercepted me. "Come with me."


    "Never going to turn that down, but don''t you have something to do right now?"


    She just sighed and yoinked me down the hall toward the Girl''s dorm. We wound up at the Infirmary, where Grandma Aetos had Saffron''s little crotch goblin all bundled up and looking cute as a button. I cooed at her. She fussed at me. What can I say? I don''t like kids all that much, but it might be because the really little ones always give me shit. Frequently literally.


    "We''re gonna walk Grandma home, and then we''re going to the Aquarium."


    Some part inside of me panicked, but I couldn''t very well refuse. Sister Siobhan said I needed to go, and it wouldn''t hurt to find out more about where Saffron grew up, and no amount of ''I''m afraid'' would get me out of this. Or so I thought, but Saffron just laid one hand gently against my cheek and said, "We don''t have to if you''re not ready."


    Of course I had only one possible response to that, "Why wouldn''t I be ready for you to take me home to meet the parents?"


    She winced a little at that, but took Isnomi from Grandma and led us both out of the Infirmary, then the Academy. The door guards took down our itinerary of ''Grandma''s, then Aquarium'' in stride.


    The walk was strangely peaceful and pleasant. We stuck to the major roads, first the High Artificer''s road, then a soft left at City Hall took us directly to the base of the bridge. ''High Artificer Franklin Bridge'', no less. With the higher arch, the view from the top had to be seen to be believed. The center pillars had to be at least twice as tall as the top of the bridge, and even had rungs for climbing, but Saffron told me we didn''t have time to make the climb anything like safely. She promised to come back to the bridge with me next Friday, so I gave in with a minimum of bitching.


    When we got to Grandma''s place, which was barely a mile from the foot of the bridge, Saffron gave me what amounted to the ''tour''. Two stories, two bedrooms, a kitchen, and a front room, none of them bigger than my cell in the dorm. No parents. When I asked, Saffron just shook her head, and I didn''t press. I knew that particular pain better than I wanted to, and wasn''t about to push her if she wasn''t ready to share.


    We left Isnomi with Grandma and headed for the Aquarium. We made it there with plenty of daylight left, and our uniforms not only got us in for free, they let me get to the quays and jetties that separated the Aquarium''s exhibits. I walked around until I spotted something not entirely unlike a bloody smear across the jetty, stripped down to my panties, handed a vicariously embarrassed Saffron my uniform, and dove in. She was so embarrassed she didn''t even comment on the dagger with the Academy crest on the hilt I shoved between my teeth.


    I swam almost straight down, hoping I''d be able to get to the bottom before I ran out of air. I managed it, although by the time I hit bottom colors had faded; my crimson silk panties darkened, with wireframes flickering around the edges. I righted myself and looked around. Sandy soil made up most of the bottom, with a few medium sized boulders, the type that were too small to threaten ships and too big to be easy to bring up. I took a couple bounding steps forward and then I saw it. Something with square edges, surrounded by lumps that weren''t rock by any stretch of the imagination.


    With a destination in mind, I swam over and found exactly what I didn''t want to. A chest. One big enough to fit a sub-compact car or touring motorcycle in comfortably. Its sides made of six inch thick wood, its hinges made of some blackened metal, it sent visceral fear through my gut. The chains, each link nearly a foot long and made of metal at least two inches around, didn''t help my burgeoning terror at all. Fear rapidly transmuted to blind rage, and I kicked the chest, water resistance the only thing saving me from breaking my toe.


    Blinded by rage, I focused on extending a single burning wire of Mana from my finger and slashed at the chest. I forced my Mana blade through the recalcitrant wood until a chunk from one corner fell off into the sand. The rest collapsed, decaying in moments from a solid chest to a mound of dirt on the riverbed. I turned to the chains, trying to pick one up and slice it apart. Even with the buoyancy from the water, I barely budged it. I dropped to my knees and sliced at it like that. Not since I first practiced Mana Shaping in my room had I hit anything approaching the resistance I felt from the metal. I screamed my rage and frustration in a cascade of bubbles, shoving Mana blades from all four fingers on my right hand, then brought them down and forced them through the refractory metal. The chain resisted, soaking up my Mana. I shoved Mana into it in a raw cascade unlike anything I''d done since I learned how to concentrate it. With a echoing clang, the metal gave way, leaving three chunky discs of metal in the center of an oddly shaped pile of rust.


    Right about then I realized that I''d just screamed out all of my air.


    I grabbed up the coin shaped discs and the chunk of wood, then launched myself surfaceward, angling for the quay. Saffron met me about halfway up, and I fended off her attempt to grab me by the arms, handed her the chunk of wood, and started climbing the rock of the jetty as fast as I could force my arms and legs to move. My vision narrowed, darkness creeping in from the edges. By the time my head broke the surface, I saw nothing but static. Saffron helped me up onto the top of the jetty, and we just lay there panting.


    "Tabitha Diaz, while I understand that coming to terms with your," she dropped her voice to a whisper, "death and rebirth," and then continued normally, "is important, and I will support you to the best of my ability as you do so, in the future please refrain from attempting to solve your nightmare problem via suicide."


    I could barely spare the breath to pant out, "no promises."


    I''ve been beaten with a lot of things before, but never with a sopping wet shirt sleeve. Guess I can cross that one off my bucket list.

 Day Fifty Five

    Dear Diary,


    Okay, I''m really not sure what the fuck to think of what I found yesterday.


    We both lay there panting for a while, letting the sun dry us off while we recovered from our ill-advised dive. Eventually, Saffron rolled over and just backhanded me in the gut. Nowhere near hard enough to injure me, but it stung like a bitch.


    "Ow! What the hell was that for?"


    She rolled over again, this time rolling until she lay on her belly, her arms propping her up, her face upside-down above mine. "That''s for jumping into the gods damned Kraken enclosure without giving me any kind of warning beforehand."


    She bent down and kissed me. Weird, kissing upside down. I''d never done that before. Not a big fan, but the taste of Saffron''s mouth hungrily exploring my own made up for a lot. When she pulled away, she said, "and that''s for coming back safe." She glanced over at my loot from the bottom. "What the hell are those?"


    "All that''s left of the chest I found on the bottom. Also, what the fuck is a Kraken?"


    She looked around, the movement casual enough to avoid notice, then softly said, "I''m not sure if they''re called Kraken where you''re from. Eight legs, sometimes more? Big weird eyes? Bodies that vary between a kind of bulbous mass and more streamlined things with fins at the end opposite the legs? No bones, most of them can shapeshift?"


    My brow furrowed, "I can''t tell if you''re talking about octopus, squid, or cuttlefish. They''re like, sorta related, but definitely not all the same species. Not even the same genus if I remember the displays at the Aquarium back in Camden right."


    She got a weird look as I talked about the various types of cephalopods, then shrugged and said, "Maybe they''re different where you''re from, but I can''t see anyone caring all that much here. They''re the Sacred Beasts of," here she stopped and looked around again, then whispered, "Mimic."


    That... made an uncomfortable amount of sense. Many cephalopods were the closest thing my old world had to real live shapeshifters. I almost wished I could find the one that had yoinked me here and interrogate it. Hell, my freaky Blending powers might even let me talk to it, maybe?


    "So care to tell me why you jumped into the Kraken enclosure?"


    I blinked a bit to shake myself out of my reverie about my octopus savior and replied, "Only if you tell me why the fuck the Aquarium''s even got the Animal Kingdom''s representation of Ultimate Evil in a fish tank."


    "Enclosure, not tank, and," she paused a bit, thinking, "I''m not sure, but I guess for the same reason there''s a tank with sharks, and another with electric eels, and one with piranha. We cage things to show we''re superior to them." Her voice got very soft, so much so that I could barely hear her with her lips hovering inches above me. "To pretend they don''t scare us."


    I nodded, as much as I could laying on my back on the jetty. "That enclosure is the one I fell into when I got shot."


    Her face scrunched up, and she said, "I don''t get it. How many times did you get shot?"


    "Just the once."


    "And it knocked you into the water?"


    "Well, yeah. I mean, it killed me too, but it kinda backflipped me into the octopus tank too."


    "Where did it hit you?"


    I plonked the tip of my index finger right in the middle of my forehead. "I mean, I''m not absolutely certain, because massive brain damage is massive, but dead center. Pretty impressive shot, really."


    "Was it a bodkin?"


    "Uhh... what the fuck is a bodkin?"


    She blinked down at me. "An armor piercing arrow. Most broadheads fired from any distance won''t penetrate all that far into a skull." She paused, shook her head, and said, "No, what am I thinking. The archer chased you out onto the jetties and quays, right?"


    "I mean, I think one of the shooters was gonna, but the sniper got me first." I waved my hand at the amphitheater seating over by the Aquarium building proper. "Back in Camden there''s a roof above the seats, he was sniping people from there."


    Her eyes got really wide at that. "An archer hit you from all the way over there? People in your world must have ridiculously high Archery skills, not to mention stupidly impressive bows."


    That led to me spending the remainder of the afternoon explaining guns to an alternately horrified, fascinated, and above all curious Saffron.


    As the sun got low in the West, I got dressed, picked up what I''d looted from the remains of the chest at the bottom of the enclosure, and we walked back to the Academy, Saffron examining first the chunk of wood, then the almost circular discs of metal I''d carved off with my Mana blades. If Rocky or any of his shadow-spider-midgets wanted a piece of me, I guess they didn''t want to face me with Saffron as backup, or witness, or whatever. We got home just after the last sliver of the sun dipped below the horizon. The door crunched as I opened it, and I winced, not just at the crunch, but at the shrill shriek of, "Out after curfew again!" from Sister Trease.


    As Trease inhaled in preparation for another whiny accusation, Saffron stepped around me and calmly replied, "We had an errand at the Aquarium, per Sister Siobhan''s instructions. It took longer than expected, and we returned as soon as we..."


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    I lost the rest of Saffron''s explanation to Sister Trease''s near incoherent screaming. "Lies! Lies! You Bag are all alike, lying to cover for one another''s misdeeds!"


    I tensed, ready to match Bitchy McBitchface scream for scream, but Saffron reached behind herself and lay a hand against my thigh. I swallowed my bile, glowering at the water buffalo that walked like a nun. She kept screaming, "Headmaster! Headmaster! She''s got another of them involved in her rulebreaking!" She spat that last word like a curse. Fortunately, Headmaster Miles chose that moment to step out of his office, trailed by the door guard I remembered from earlier.


    "What seems to be the problem, Sister?"


    "This harlot has spread her horrid ways to another student. Another Bag, at least, but that''s no excuse for letting her flaunt her rulebreaking like this!"


    Headmaster Miles turned to us, calmly asking, "So, Cadets, do you have a reason for returning after curfew?"


    I huffed out a sigh, "I''m pretty sure we would have been on time yesterday. That''s how close we were."


    Saffron shook her head the tiniest bit and gently pinched my thigh. "Excuse me, Headmaster, but as I told Sister Trease, Sister Siobhan sent us on an errand to the Aquarium, and it took a little longer than we expected. We returned as soon as we finished, and came back as quickly as decorum allowed."


    "See? She hedges her lies about some errand with lies about decorum!"


    "Calmly, Sister," Miles said without turning his gaze from us. "What was this errand Sister Siobhan sent you on?"


    I let Saffron speak for us, my anger had hold of my tongue, and if this bitch didn''t shut the fuck up, it would get hold of hers pretty fuckin'' quick. "It''s of a private medical nature, Sir. Sister Siobhan can confirm that."


    Miles nodded, "I suppose that''s fair." He turned to the door guard and asked, "I know your shift is over, but would you mind running to fetch Sister Siobhan before you head home for the night?"


    "No worries, Sir." The guard jogged off down the hall toward the Ladies'' dorm, but cut right at the stairs. We waited, Headmaster Miles stilling Sister Trease with a glance every time she opened her mouth to re-engage. After a few minutes, the guard left the stairwell at a jog, pausing when he got to the Headmaster. "She''s on her way, Sir."


    He left, waving a sort of key-fob thing at the handle before turning it; the click when it opened sounded a lot healthier than the crunch when I''d done so. I made a mental note to snag one of those at some point. Yeah, I could just power my way through, but I thought the fob might leave less of a trail of devastation to track me by. Also, Saffron ought to have one.


    Sister Siobhan arrived a few minutes of tense silence later. "Good Evening Headmaster, Cadets, Sister."


    I wasn''t sure why, but Saffron tensed when Sister Siobhan greeted us before Trease. I had no chance to ask her, because Headmaster Miles cut through the bullshit and just asked Sister Siobhan, "Did you send these two Cadets on an errand to the Aquarium this afternoon?"


    Sister Siobhan paused, but as she opened her mouth to answer Trease jumped into the momentary silence. "See? See! They''re lying!"


    "Excuse me, Trease." I''d never heard that kind of steel behind Sister Siobhan''s words before. "As I was about to say, I suppose I did. I sent Cadet Diaz, specifically, but I did so when Cadet Aetos was involved in the conversation, and given the nature of the, ah, errand, Cadet Aetos'' presence was likely required as well."


    "A likely story." Trease put so much rancor into her words I expected Siobhan to up and deck her, but the Sister had way more patience than me.


    "Excuse me, Trease? Are you accusing me of prevarication!?" Okay, not all that much more, apparently.


    "Sisters." Headmaster Miles calm, stern voice cut through the incipient mayhem in the room like a battleship cutting through fog. "We can discuss this after the Cadets are seen to. Now, just to confirm, did you specifically send both of them today? They arrived back after curfew."


    Sister Siobhan took a moment to think before answering, enunciating each word carefully. "This visit would be in reference to an issue Tabitha and Saffron brought to my attention last Freyday."


    Headmaster Miles cut in with a quiet, "A medical issue?"


    If Sister Siobhan paused, it wasn''t long enough for Trease to lose her shit again, "Yes, Headmaster. My specific instructions were for Tabitha to visit the Aquarium during her next available free time. As I noted previously, given the nature of the issue, an escort would likely be required."


    "An escort? The Cadets didn''t request one." asked Miles. "Was Cadet Diaz likely to be in any danger?"


    "Oh, no. Well, not the type of danger that a Guard could protect her from. In my professional opinion, Cadet Aetos is likely the most qualified to safeguard Cadet Diaz. She has the Assess Health and Stabilize Skills, as well as already being aware of the medical issue we''d discussed."


    "Fair enough." Headmaster Miles nodded, then turned to us and asked, "was this, in fact, the best opportunity the two of you had to attend to this?"


    Saffron squeezed my thigh again under cover of a loose Parade Rest she''d dropped into. "Yes, Headmaster. Monday I had Devotions, Tuesday I had other obligations, and all other days we both have full day classes."


    The Headmaster nodded and turned back to Sister Siobhan. "Was the errand one that could have kept the Cadets at the Aquarium all afternoon, resulting in them returning late?"


    Sister Siobhan considered that for a bit. Just as Trease started to squawk something, Sister Siobhan cut her off. From what I could tell, with absolutely deliberate intent. "Most certainly, Headmaster." She shrugged as Trease fumed. "It''s one of those things that take as long as they take."


    "Ah. So, Cadets, did you complete your errand?"


    This time Saffron half turned to look at me. I shrugged and said, "maybe? Got to see if the treatment took."


    He nodded again, "Report your success or failure to Sister Siobhan as soon as you''ve made that determination. If you do need to go on another outing where you might be out after curfew, please let the Guard, or preferably both the Guard and one of the Staff know."


    That was one of those requests that really weren''t. I saluted, a little sloppy due to the metal discs palmed in my hand. Saffron did the same, and we chorused, "Yes, Sir!"


    Headmaster Miles'' eyes went a little wide, and he let out a low whistle. "Your errand required you to bring back three pounds of Cold Iron?"


    He glanced at Sister Siobhan, and she nodded; more to refer the question back to us, I think, but Headmaster Miles seemed to accept it when I said, "I believe so, Sir. I made a judgement call at the time. Things got a bit hectic."


    His eyes narrowed for the tiniest of moments at that. "I would dearly love to hear more about this errand, should you come to a point where you feel comfortable sharing it with me."


    "I''ll keep that in mind, sir."


    With that, Miles dismissed us to quarters. A surreptitious glance as we rounded the corner showed him escorting both Sisters into his office. We both went back to my room, where I set all three discs and the hunk of still damp wood on my shrine. Saffron gave me an odd look, but more of a ''weird flex, but okay'' instead of the normal ''what the fuck, Diaz?'' one. We spent an hour or so making sure we were both tired enough to sleep the night through before turning off the lights entirely.


    I only woke once. A monster of a nightmare, the entire sequence of me being shot, dying, getting stuffed in a box, dying, and lying there forever doomed to scream silently in the darkness, the entire thing flashing by in fast forward, while every second still seemed to take an eternity to crawl past.


    Dream time is fucking weird. And weirdly fucked.


    It took Saffron nearly an hour to get me to a point we could both sleep after that, but she did manage it. We both wound up short on sleep, which made a morning of Squad Ball and an afternoon of Marshall duBois'' Combat Yoga pretty damn torturous.


    Still better than a thirty second conversation with Sister Trease though.

 Day Fifty Six

    Dear Diary,


    I slept well last night.


    Not ''no nightmares'' slept well, more ''only one nightmare, that started when my head hit the pillow and ended when I woke in the morning'' slept well. So I made it through the night, but I spent the entire night in that weird dream-time dead in a box staring at the light above me. I wasn''t terrified, and even the boredom seemed... muted. Like I could hear someone humming outside the box; not comforting, exactly, but I could tell I wasn''t alone, and that made all the difference.


    So we woke up more or less at the same time, and on time and rested at that. I had a big sad that Saffron insisted on getting dressed and getting to Breakfast on time.


    Okay, she actually said, "If you want to mess around in the morning, you''ll just have to wake up early for once," while playfully slapping at me, then gently but firmly removing my hands and getting out of bed to get dressed. Of course, she''d joined the ''nightgowns are stupid'' club, although that may have been due to our more or less habitual naked exhaustion in the evening. That meant that I got to lie there watching her as she gathered up all our sweaty used uniforms into a laundry pile and pulled a fresh uniform from the armoire. I got a little sad when I noticed a complete lack of extra uniforms and remembered I''d be alone for the next two nights, at least, but distracted myself with the spectacular view.


    I mean, seriously. Put somebody on a high protein diet, exercise the fuck out of them at least twice a week, and then add the ''must maintain boobage'' post-pregnancy hormones? Chef''s kiss, "perfection."


    She just looked over as she pulled on her sandpaper panties and shook her head at me. Actually, I noticed hers bending as she pulled them on, almost like fabric. "The hell? Did you buy some panties that aren''t made out of cardboard?"


    She laughed as she kept getting dressed, "No, you goof. I just spend an hour or so scrunching them up while I''m studying."


    Ugh. Way too much like work for me. She pulled the lapels on her shirt closed, so I got up and pulled my own clothes on while she finished getting sure everything fit just so. "Both of us really ought to get bras though. Maybe I''ll ask about that tomorrow."


    "Bras?"


    "Never mind. You literally don''t know what you''re missing, or you''d be as pissed about missing it as I am."


    She just looked at me while she fixed the most egregious of my wardrobe dysfunctions and said, "Thank you?"


    Breakfast had become my favorite meal of the day, mostly because it had the most real flavor. Spicy eggs on the daily, and either jalapeno scrapple, pumpernickel and cream cheese, or both. Good stuff, especially now that I''d learned how to slice and toast the bread all with a single spell. The rest of the cafeteria still gave me side eye about it, but I''d gotten the ROTCs to try my toast, and the gobbos actually clamored for it. I couldn''t tell if they liked it or just wanted to throw metaphoric hands at the rest of the Dining Hall, but it gave me warm fuzzies either way.


    Out in Combat Training we spent the morning playing Squad Ball. Since we hadn''t really seen it coming, we didn''t have any special tricks up our sleeve, but we managed to stay ahead of the rest through a combination of Angel''s arm, Saffron''s smarts, my stupid, and Bill''s leadership. Then, during the last match of the morning, disaster struck.


    I''d been fucking with Lancaster all day; not as much of a waste of time as you''d think. His team had come together despite him, the other three working almost like a single person to support his plays or each other, depending on the moment. Larry himself had all the ''team player'' instinct of a particularly antisocial rabid honey badger, and his leadership skills were nonexistent, but his arm and aim were fine, no matter how much I teased him about having noodle arms. If anything, he''d gotten more accurate over the past two months, and just like the rest of us he''d gotten stronger. Thing is, he still had the self-control of a fat chick on the rag at an all you can eat chocolate buffet, and unlike some of us, he wore his hot buttons loud and proud.


    I think I''d just screamed something like, "Yo mama fucks pookas," or some other random bullshit sure to set him off, which prompted the expected rifle shot of a throw aimed straight at my face.


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    Who knew all those books and movies about ''aiming for center of mass'' were right? Great aim and scary arm notwithstanding, his Squadball throws weren''t travelling anywhere near the speed of sound. A lean to the side and it flew right past me.


    That''s when I heard an awful double crunch behind me. I spun, expecting to see Saffron with a broken nose. Instead I stared into Bill''s glassy eyes, his head bracketed by a pair of Squadballs. He dropped bonelessly to the ground. Ignoring everything, including a Squadball that slammed into the back of me, I dropped to my knees in front of him, an Assess Health extruding from my cheek as I slapped at his cheeks, checked his pulse, pressed my ear into his chest trying to hear a heartbeat. I pulled back and shoved a Stabilize into him, pouring Mana into it even as I hit him with it. Assess Health popped into place, and a whole screen of meaningless statistics filled my vision. Only one line mattered.


    ''Overall Health: Dead''


    I screamed, just a pure raw sound of anguish and fury, grabbing at one of the Squadballs lying around Bill, fully intending to shove it up Lancaster''s ass until he choked on it.


    Then the Marshall was there, filling my field of view. A glance at Bill, another at me, and he grabbed me by the shoulder, avoiding my hands like I hadn''t even tried to stop him, forcing me to look him in the eye. I heard him the second time he shouted my name.


    "DIAZ!"


    "The fuck you want?" I growled at him.


    "Get Driver to the Infirmary, NOW NOW NOW!"


    It took me until his third ''now'' for his message to penetrate my thick skull. Infirmaries were for people who could be saved. I dropped the ball in my hand as I fell to one knee, scooping Driver into a princess carry and launching myself at the nearest doors. I hit them with my left shoulder, maybe with one of Driver''s knees as well; they slammed open and I shot down the hall, hitting the stairwell and taking the steps a flight at a time, kicking off the walls of the landings; I''m not sure if I hit a floor at any point on the way down. I sprinted down the hallway, kicked off the wall opposite the Dormitory entry, getting four steps into the Dorm before something caught at me, shoving me back toward the entryway. My feet hit the floor, I crouched and shoved forward as if walking into a strong wind. One step, two, and then the web of energy pulling at me gave way with a crunch horrifyingly like the one I''d heard from Bill''s head.


    No time. I sprinted to the infirmary, shouldering the door open to see Doc DeLeon sitting at the desk. Before I said anything, he wove his hands through the motions for Assess Health; a moment later he grabbed my shoulders and spun me around. "Get him to Sister Siobhan, as fast as you can!"


    He shoved at me, and I charged away from him, bolting out of the Infirmary and back into the hallways. I tore through the front hallway, bellowing "MAKE A FUCKING HOLE!" at a crowd of uniformed twenty-somethings loitering near the main entrance. Most of them dove for the doors; one light-skinned fucker too dumb to dodge or wear a uniform I fucking shoulder-charged like I''d done doors, leaving boot-prints when he tumbled under me. I kept screaming "COMING THROUGH! MAKE A HOLE!" until I kicked off the wall into the girls'' Dorm.


    Two steps in, the fucking gender-net tried to grab Bill''s body from me and eject it from the Dorm. I set my feet and shoved, but every bit of power I put into pushing forward it mirrored, trying to rip him from my grasp. Fury shaking me like a rag doll, I hunched over, hugging Bill to me, instinct and rage forcing me to act, not think.


    Mana poured out of me into dozens of Mana blades erupting from my shoulders, my legs, pretty much every part of me not facing Bill. I twisted, felt them catch at the net trying to pull Bill from me, and spun. If the Boys'' Dorm gender net went down with a sickening crunch, this one gave with the pained shriek of someone rending an electric guitar hooked up to stadium speakers.


    I tore down the hallway, Mana blades falling away, clutching at Bill where sweat tried to slip him out of my grip. I bounced off the corner and straight toward Sister Trease, who stood, feet apart, arms akimbo, blocking most of the hallway with her water-buffalo-ness. I twisted in midair, catching her right in the gut with the heel of my boot, shoving off her shoulder with my other foot as she toppled. I bowled Sister Siobhan over as I crashed through the Infirmary door; she had it halfway open before I saw her.


    I rolled to the nearest bed, lay Bill''s body gently on it, then hoisted Sister Siobhan to her feet and pushed her toward Bill.


    "Oh, my..."; all she got out before finishing her Assess Health, at which point her entire demeanor changed. She looked at me, ignoring the enraged water buffalo noises from the door, and formally asked me, "You freely offer to bear the cost of this?" The words niggled at me, I''d heard or read them somewhere, but I just nodded, replying, "Just do it."


    She lay one hand on Bill''s chest, and grabbed my left hand with hers. She murmured a prayer, and I lost all sense of anything as whatever she''d done tore mana from deep inside me, feeling like it flash fried everything between my gut and my hand as it did. A moment later it ended, leaving me curled up around my entirely unfried hand, whimpering.


    Bill''s voice, weak and confused, saying, "Sister? How did I get down here?" made it all worthwhile.


    Even with the fucking water buffalo screaming at me as I lay there in a pool of sweat, blood, and mangled uniform, trying to recover from whatever Sister Siobhan had done.

 Day Fifty Seven

    Dear Diary,


    If my run with Bill wasn''t enough yesterday, as I lay there choking down my whimper so Trease wouldn''t hear it, Headmaster Miles came in shortly after I collapsed. To her credit, Trease shut the fuck up when she noticed Miles walk into the room.


    With a size me boot print right in the middle of his shirt.


    "Cadet Diaz. Return to your quarters."


    I rolled over so I could shove myself to my feet with my right arm. I didn''t want to chance doing anything with the left one. It hurt way too much. Before I''d gotten any further than my knees, Sister Siobhan interrupted, one hand on my left shoulder forcing me to grind my teeth together to avoid screaming, her other hand under my right armpit lifting me to my feet. "No, Headmaster." She led me to the bed next to Bill''s; I lay on my right side, deliberately avoiding the pillow, despite that forcing me to look at everyone else in the room. I curled around my arm, heard a tooth crack when I jostled it wrong.


    To his credit, Miles just stood there, waiting for Sister Siobhan to explain. To her detriment, Trease started screaming the moment Sister Siobhan said, ''no''.


    "You''re bewitched by this Bag trash, Siobhan!" Her eyes narrowed, "or are you in league with her."


    Sister Siobhan just stood there and took Trease''s abuse until Headmaster Miles'' quiet voice cut through her tirade. "Trease. Return to your room."


    She spun to face him. "This little Bag trollop attacked me!"


    He just stared at her, his face expressing disappointment more than anything. She spun to me, hissed, "there will be a reckoning!" and stormed out of the Infirmary.


    Miles walked over to a casual conversational distance from Siobhan, who knelt between me and Bill, gently holding him back from rising with one hand while staring at me. At a guess, Assessing me. Whatever she saw, she winced. He looked at Bill, nodded, then looked at me and quietly said, "I''m afraid she''s right, Cadet Diaz. There will be a formal inquiry... tomorrow morning?" He looked at Sister Siobhan when he said that.


    Before she could say anything, I ground out, "Not tomorrow."


    He frowned at me, and guilt nibbled at me, almost but not quite drowned under the agony from my arm, my shoulder, my... heart? I think that''s what hurt. "Sister Siobhan, will she be mentally capable of attending an inquiry tomorrow?"


    "Frankly, I''m amazed she''s conscious right now. But if she wakes normally tomorrow, she might be able to attend an inquiry." Her tone said she wasn''t certain about me waking up, let alone being able to attend my court martial. ''Inquiry'' was just a fancy word for kicking my ass to the curb.


    Fuckit. I shook my head. "Can''t. Patron. Devotions."


    Miles turned from the Sister to me. "I''m afraid you don''t have the authority to override my decision on this, Cadet."


    I do. But on this occasion I shall not.


    I couldn''t take any more. I shifted enough to put my head on the pillow and pretended to fall asleep. I don''t know if they bought it or not, but they left me alone. By the time the enchantment took hold, I''d soaked the pillow with my Basic Bitch flavored tears.


    Pain followed me into my nightmare, cut so deep I felt it even dead in my box.


    I dreamt of voices. Anger. Arrogance. Disdain. Chains rattled. Screams of rage surrounded me. I fell, tumbling, until I hit the bottom of the river.


    I lay there, forever dying in a box. Forever dead with a sliver of light mocking me from above.


    I woke when Sister Siobhan shifted my head from the pillow. The edges of a shriek of pain escaped before I clamped my jaw shut. If anything, my hand, my arm, my shoulder hurt worse than they had the day before. I twisted myself into a sitting position, ignoring the screaming agony shifting my arm caused. I looked up at the Sister, and saw Marie standing behind her, cart laden with a tray that covered the top of it.


    "How are you feeling, Tabitha?" Sister Siobhan''s kind question forced a single sob, one I ruthlessly cut off before more could follow. Not ''Cadet Diaz''. Just ''Tabitha''. When the fuck had I bought into their entire exploiter bullshittery so much that the lack of that stupid title could hurt more than my fucking arm. I am, as anyone who has known me any length of time can tell you, the stupidest fucking bitch on the planet. Fuck, the stupidest bitch on two planets.


    "Are you hungry?"


    I shook my head, and my stomach took that as a sign it should growl loud enough to be heard in Camden. Like, my world Camden, even. Unprompted, Marie lifted the big tray off of her cart and set it beside me. She lifted the big domed lid off to reveal a mound of scrambled spicy eggs nearly falling off the edges of the tray, with a hollow in the middle filled with jalapeno scrapple. The smell hit me, and my traitorous hands grabbed at the steaming food, stuffing it into my mouth as fast as I could swallow.


    Both of my hands.


    I cut off a shriek, first as my arm moved on its own, then as the heat of the food burned through to my palms. Faster than I could follow, Marie grabbed both of my wrists, pinning them in one of her freaky long fingered hands, then using her other hand to shovel food into my mouth with one of the ubiquitous spoons. This one Marie sized, which made it more of a serving spoon, but fuckit. I might not get more spicy eggs any time soon. My mouth, my throat, my stomach burned, both from spices and from the heat of the eggs, and I couldn''t bring myself to care or stop gulping them down as fast as I could. Marie''s grip on my injured wrist sent fire and lightning racing from my hand to my shoulder and back; I''d have screamed had my mouth not been continually full of eggs.


    Instead I wallowed in the pain, embracing it. I deserved it, and my sweet Marie delivered agony in the quantity I craved. My eyes watered from spices, and I gobbled every bit she spooned into me until she''d scraped the last bit of everything from the tray, leaving nothing but spice-flecked grease. I snorted to clear my running nose, and she took that opportunity to reach back to her cart, pulling open the side to reveal half a dozen loaves of dark bread and a few pitchers of water. I wanted the water, needed it to fan the flames on my tongue, my throat, my gut, but Marie grabbed a loaf and split in half with her claws, hefting it and wiping it around the tray to sop up the greasy remnants. She held it out to me, and I lunged at it, tearing away the spicy grease soaked bread in hunks, swallowing it as quickly as I could. After two loaves the tray shone clean, and swallowing the heel of the bread tore at my dry throat. Marie hefted a pitcher and poured the contents down my throat. My mouth burned from leftover spices, but the cascade soothed my throat like a balm.


    I tried to stop drinking, but Marie was as merciless as I deserved, dumping water into me as fast as I gulped it down. She reached into the bottom shelf of her cart and hefted out another tray that filled the entire shelf. She set it atop the other, removing the cover to reveal a mound of sausages that spilled off onto the bed. She held one out to me, and I nearly took her fingertips off. Wherever they''d found this sausage, it finally had enough spice in it to be worth enjoying.


    I refused, gulping down each one whole as Marie practically yeeted them into my mouth one at a time. I snapped them out of the air like a dog. What did the shame of eating like an animal, being fed like a baby, matter to me? My own lover, conspicuous by her absence, acknowledged that I had no shame, and she liked me. More fool her.


    When the last sausage disappeared down my greedy gullet, the tray swam in grease. Marie returned to feeding me hunk after hunk of grease-soaked bread, the spices once again tearing at my throat. When she pulled the last loaf from her cart, before she could tear it apart, I said, "No."


    She froze, turning to look me square in the eye. I glanced at my hands, and she released me. My right hand flopped to my lap, a little numb from where she''d gripped it so long. I forced my left arm to move, self-hating fury overwhelming the pain. I picked up the loaf, transferred it to my other hand to hold it over the tray and the last puddles of grease. I pushed a Mana Blade from my left index finger.


    I tried to push a Mana Blade from my left index finger. Nothing happened.


    I tried again. Still nothing.


    I cudgeled my stupid brain back to Doc DeLeon''s first lesson from Special Needs Mana Shaping. I closed my eyes and listened to my heartbeat. It thumped along as if the world hadn''t ended. I felt the flow of my blood from my chest to my extremities and back, even my stupid useless pain-filled left hand. I felt for the Mana inside me, tried to trace its flow through my body. From my heart through my extremities and back.


    Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.


    Except my fucking stupid, useless, pain ¨¦clair of a left arm.


    I focused on the mana flowing in me, through every part of me except my useless fucking left arm. The arm that''s supposed to fucking be closer to my heart, closer to my center of Mana, easier to do Mana things with. I followed the flow with my mind, round and round the rest of me, positively surging through all of me except the one place I wanted it.


    With every bit of will in me augmented by raging self-hatred, I shoved my Mana into my left arm, forcing it to flow like it was supposed to.


    I''d only thought my left arm hurt before. I heard Sister Siobhan say, "don''t!" before my scream drowned out every sound in the room.


    Mana spilled back into me, repelled by my left arm. I screamed in pain and frustration and rage. If I wanted to drag a fucking useless appendage around I''d go take fucking Rocky up on his goddamned fucking offer. Inch by screaming, agonizing inch, I forced my Mana into my shoulder, down to suffuse my biceps and triceps and even my fucking bone in fire and lightning and acid. Water leaked from my eyes when my Mana hit my elbow. I felt it blow itself to fragments, but the pain from my hand didn''t decrease, so I shoved my Mana past my elbow and into my forearm. My throat hoarse from screaming, I bore down, acidic lava shattering my radius and ulna as I shoved Mana into my hand. Into my finger. Out of my finger.


    I opened my eyes to see a glowing smudge at my fingertip.


    No.


    I forced my Mana back in, then extruded a snapping, hissing wire from my fingertip, then slowly, carefully, painfully, screaming with every inch of movement, I forced the blade through the bread. Thin, crispy slices.


    Moving the bread would have been easier. Thick slices would have been easier. I craved the pain, deserved it for being such a stupid bitch and trusting anything like a system. I even cut the heel I held the bread by into wafer thin slices, mad laughter replacing my pain when my Mana blade passed through my fingers with nothing more painful than some burns that looked like I''d laid my fingers across a grill.


    I let my Mana Blade disperse and slowly and deliberately picked up the soppingest piece of toast and crammed it into my mouth. Wet crunches filled the room, crunches like the locks, crunches like the gender net, crunches like Bill''s head. Using both hands, I grabbed at the greasy toast chips and shoved them into my mouth, cramming my mouth full, crunching them into a slurry before swallowing them and cramming in more. Water leaked from my eyes, but I didn''t stop until the tray lay bare.


    Marie handed me a pitcher of water, and I chugged the whole thing down in one long go. Then another, and then I dumped the final one over my head.


    Sister Siobhan stared at me, her eyes glistening, one hand over her mouth. Probably to keep her from vomiting, at a guess.


    Marie left the room, and I moved to stand. The Sister stepped to me, bringing one hand down on my right shoulder. I jerked away, and her hand landed on my left shoulder instead. I hissed, and I think she winced more than I did.


    "Dear Canta." She whispered. "That... how can you do that? Doesn''t that hurt?"


    "Kinda fucking excruciating. Now, if we''re done here, I gotta get to my fuckin'' expulsion."


    "Your... no, it''s just an inquiry."


    I barked out something not entirely unlike a laugh at that. "Oh, please. We both know Trease is going to finally get her wish at this fuckin'' kangaroo court. Don''t fuckin'' blow smoke up my ass about it."


    She shook her head, obviously deeply in denial. "Headmaster Miles wouldn''t..."


    "Wouldn''t what? I fucking stomped on him. I left a fucking boot print on his chest. That''s not something he''s likely to forgive and forget."


    She opened her mouth to reply, but got interrupted by Rider coming in the door. "Sister, the Headmaster needs you in his office."


    I slapped my hands on my knees, cracking my teeth keeping my shriek of pain to a whimper. "Let''s get this shit over with."


    I stood up, staggered to the door, Rider giving me a weird look before following Sister Siobhan out of the room. I got as far as the door before Marie blocked my path with her cart, a tub riding atop it. She more or less pushed me back into the room, closing the door behind her.


    She had a point, I might as well go to my doom looking my best. Just too bad I didn''t have any fancy medals or rank insignia to rip off when they were done with me. I supposed they''d have to settle for my nametag.


    She set the tub down, pulled a new uniform and new boots out and set them on the Sister''s desk, then started undressing me. She started with my boots; she more or less peeled them off of me in strips, they looked like they''d been shredded and lit on fire. Then she pulled off my pants, and I got a good look at the punctures, burns, and ragged tears all down the back of the thighs and covering the calves and shins. I yanked the tie of my panties, and they dropped away, sodden with sweat and more than a little blood. I checked just to be sure, but it wasn''t mine. It still skeeved me. Marie took hold of my jacket, working with painstaking precision to slip it from my right arm bit by bit without jostling my left.


    I was sick of all the goddamned pussyfooting around. I yanked myself away from her and looked up into her startled face. "Look, do what you have," I winced, interrupting myself, and tried again, "do whatever you need," another hiss of pain as I tried to use my hands to express what I meant. With a sigh, I dropped my hands to my sides and said, "Do whatever the fuck you want. Just get. Me. Clean. Understood?"


    She lifted one eyebrow, elegantly asking if I was sure without a single word. I glared at her and barked out, "Did I fucking stutter?"


    She nodded, then stepped over to Sister Siobhan''s desk, picked up her chair, stepped to the door, and jammed it under the door handle so hard I thought the handle or the chair would break. She turned back to me and swayed back over to me, reminding me of nothing so much as a slithering snake. Her hands moving faster than any snake''s strike, she ripped my jacket off of me one ragged hunk of fabric at a time, each one jostling my arm, sending another wave of agony through me. Whimpers escaped me as she moved on to my shirt; it practically fell off in two big chunks the moment she yanked at it. She pulled the right half all at one go, but she licked her lips and fangs as she pulled the left one halfway, where it bound up until she ripped it clean off. She nearly took my arm with it with that, and a barking scream of pain escaped me.


    She shuddered, then pointed at the tub. I stepped in and sat, leaning forward over my knees, dangling my head between them. She poured scalding water over me, followed by spicy honeyed soap, then alternated between scrubbing, massaging, and raking her talons across my bare skin. I actually laughed the third time she did that, because between the burns on my right fingers doused in scalding water and the ongoing pain from my left arm every time she jostled it, I barely felt her claws. A growling chuckle escaped her at that, and she moved on to my hair, holding my head still with one hand clutching half of my hair just shy of pulling it out while she scrubbed the other half, still alternating massage and claws with the scrubbing.


    She moved onto my arms, starting with the right. She leaned over me, turning my head to the right so she could see my face where she leaned over. She worked her pumice stone and cloth over my arm, eyes flickering faster than I could track between her work, my other arm, and my face. Her breath came in long, growling blasts that smelled of the sea. Her hands, big enough to wrap around my biceps twice over, kneaded my arms like bread from my shoulder all the way down to my hand, where she took her time scrubbing every finger, forcing whimpers when she doused my burned fingers in scalding water, scrubbed them first with her cloth, then her pumice stone, then working burning soap into every crevice of the damaged skin before dousing it with yet more scalding water.


    Then she moved to my left arm, and the screaming started.


    I might be the stupidest bitch on two planets. I might just be too dumb to give up when I should. But when I say I''mma do something? I do it. Fuck that quitting noise. If I say yes? Not changing to no midway through. This bitch doesn''t play that shit.


    Every deep tissue massaging grasp, every rake of her talons, every pass of the pumice stone, fuck even every soft scrubbing with her cloth drew another scream from me. She''d burst the dam holding them back, and I gave in and stopped even trying to keep them in. She ripped screams from my shoulder, from my upper arm, from my elbow, from my forearm, from my palm, and by the time she finished with each and every finger I''d screamed myself hoarse.


    Then she moved to my front, and made me scream for entirely different reasons.


    She did it all with her right hand, too. The other kept moving up and down my useless fucking arm, tearing alternating screams from fondling it.


    I know what I fucking said when Saffron Stabilized me. But that''s comparing a fucking paintball splotch to a goddamned daVinci.


    She lifted me to my feet, one hand yanking me by my arm, the other between my legs lifting me up until she held me up above her head.


    Fuckit, if she rips me in half, at least I won''t have to deal with the fucking court martial.


    She didn''t, though. She lowered me gently to my feet, still standing in the tub, then one handed the remaining kettles over my head, one after another after another until I stood dripping, trembling, barely keeping to my feet, and that only because her other hand shifted from place to place, shoring me up just enough to keep me from collapsing.


    She stretched my arms out until I T posed; I whimpered the entire time, and kept doing so as she stepped away.


    Then her towel enveloped me like an avalanche of eiderdown, drying me with gentle rubs everywhere but my left arm, which she held still and patted dry, purring as I whimpered.


    I realized then that the Infirmary wasn''t soundproofed. I listened as someone beat on the door while Marie carried me to the nearest bed, set me down, and took her time combing out my hair.


    By the time she finished, I heard the fucking indestructible chair cracking. She stood me next to the bath and, one item at a time, dressed me in the uniform she''d brought. I slipped into a Parade Rest, the agony from my arm oddly numb, drawing no more than a whimper when I laced my injured fingers together. Quickly and efficiently, she stowed her bath gear in her cart, finally proving me right by one handing the bath up onto the top of the cart while reaching out with the other to stabilize me when I wobbled a little.


    Then she reached out and, between impacts on the outside of the door, yanked the chair free.


    DuBois stood on the far side, one foot lifted to kick at the door again. He dropped it as he stared at me, working his mouth once before just saying, "Diaz?"


    "Let''s get this bullshit over with." With that, I marched out of the Infirmary, headed toward the Headmaster''s office.


    When I got there, the office itself surprised me. A modest desk, no bigger than my own, although his gleamed with polish and heavy gold fittings. The Headmaster himself sat in the chair behind the desk, the three other chairs occupied. Siobhan and DeLeon sat, leaving Trease standing. DuBois followed me in, leaving the office more than a little crowded. I dropped into Parade Rest facing the Headmaster as duBois pulled the door closed behind him.


    "So," said Headmaster Miles, "are we ready to begin this Inquiry into yesterday''s events?"


    "Inquiry? I think not." Loki stood from where he''d lounged in the third chair, advancing until he loomed over the Headmaster, bracing his fingertips against the desk. "Yesterday''s events require a full Court Martial." He paused just long enough for the Headmaster to open his mouth, and then his voice echoed through every head in the room.


    I. Insist.

 Day Fifty Eight

    Dear Diary,


    So apparently full formal Court Martials are a fucking ceremonial thing.


    Every Cadet not locked in a box for Devotions stood in ranks in the Practice Yard, and every prof I knew and a couple I didn''t sat at what looked like one of the Dining Hall tables brought up for this explicit purpose. The Maids and a few muscular guys in workman''s coveralls stood around the perimeter. Three chairs sat spaced around in front of the table; one facing it about three yards to my right, the other two facing each other from about the table''s length apart, maybe two yards in front of the table itself. I stood facing the table from about three yards away, just to the left of center from my perspective.


    I''d been formally manacled before being brought out; one pair connecting my wrists behind my back, one connecting my ankles giving me just enough room to shuffle, and a single chain connecting the two. My entire left arm and shoulder gave me ''I''m being torn off'' signals until I got to the spot they parked me at and I could slip into Parade Rest, holding the weight of the manacles and supporting my left arm at the wrist, all with my right hand. The burns on that hand weren''t happy, but fuck it, as the Dread Pirate said, ''life is pain, anyone who tells you different is selling you something''. Trease argued for ''full rogue Hero protocols'', but everyone else in the room, Headmaster Miles included, just stared at her until she shut up. Smarter than I gave her credit for, really.


    So we all stood there for a bit under the sun. With two dozen people in the courtyard running around, the heat wasn''t too bad. With the place packed with what looked like around two hundred Cadets? Little bit baking, lemme tell you, and not in a fun way. To their credit, the folks in charge had rolled out into the heat less than five minutes after they shuffled me out, and it took less than ten minutes of discussion and preparation before Headmaster Miles made a few passes with his hand before addressing the crowd.


    "Cadets, Faculty, Staff, and Honored Guests, we are gathered here to judge the guilt or innocence of Cadet Tabitha Diaz regarding the events which occurred on Twenty Seventh Coll in this, the three hundred forty first year since the founding of Phileo City. In the interests of swift justice, we will also assign consequences and apply any such consequences as are appropriate today as well. As there has not yet been a formal Inquiry preceding this Court, we will also conduct such Inquisitional procedures as are necessary and appropriate." Whatever Spell or Skill he''d used carried his soft, authoritative voice to the entire Yard. He finished up with a simple, "This may take a while. Please, be seated."


    At that the crowd behind me shuffled, and from the sounds of it they hit the pavers. I stayed in my Parade Rest. Getting my ass to the ground in shackles with one good arm sounded pretty painful, and no fuckin'' way would I go to my knees. Guilty, innocent, let me go, kill me, I''m not gonna fucking beg.


    Not like it does any damn good anyway.


    Headmaster Miles looked directly at me and said, "You may be seated as well, Cadet Diaz."


    I tried for as much volume as I could without shouting. "With all due respect, Headmaster, I''d rather remain standing."


    He just nodded, but duBois smiled at me. Trease looked like she''d just sucked off a lemon elemental, but that''s pretty much her face in neutral anyhow.


    "Who will represent the Prosecution in these matters?" Trease shot to her feet like she had rocket propulsion. Well down the table from her, Doc DeLeon stood as well; I had all I could do keeping the hurt of betrayal from my face. The Headmaster looked down the table to Trease and asked "Sister Trease, why would you represent the Prosecution?"


    She stared acid at me and replied, "The accused is guilty, and I fully intend to see her pay for her crimes in full."


    Headmaster Miles nodded, then turned to Doc DeLeon. "Doctor DeLeon, why would you represent the Prosecution?"


    He nodded to the Headmaster, then turned and nodded to me, "With all due respect to Sister Trease," I don''t think I''ve ever heard someone so clearly imply that the due amount of respect was ''none'' without ever breaking his formal tones, "while the events in question clearly warrant investigation, trial, and consequence, personal animus has no place in a Court, whether Martial or of Law."


    "Well said, Doctor. Would any other represent the Prosecution in these matters?" Nobody stood, but Miles gave it at least a full ten count before continuing. "As loath as I am to say this, despite your good intentions, as your testimonies will be required by the court, so neither of you are eligible to represent the Prosecution in these matters. Hero Velazquez?" He turned to one of the guys seated at the table I didn''t recognize specifically, although his face and hair practically screamed ''Puerto Rico''.


    Then the guy stood up while rumbling out, "Yes, Headmaster Miles?" and I couldn''t help but stare. The dude was like a mountain decided to get up and pretend to be human; well over six feet tall, and I guessed his shoulders might well be as big around as he was tall.


    "Again, thank you for rescheduling your ride along for the Senior Cadets today. Will you represent the Prosecution?"


    The big guy nodded, picked up a stack of papers from in front of him, ruffling through them quickly before saying, "Yes, of course. I will, Headmaster," before moving around the back of the table toward the chair to my left. With each stride, he scanned another page before carefully moving it to the bottom of the stack. I got the impression he wasn''t skimming them, either.


    "Let the record show that Hero David Velazquez will represent the Prosecution in these matters." David? This guy was named David? Irony hadn''t missed a trick with this dude. Headmaster Miles continued, "Who will represent the Defendant in these matters?" Trease had dropped to her seat and folded her arms when Headmaster Miles dismissed the possibility of her prosecuting me, but Doc DeLeon had remained standing. He still did so after the Headmaster called for a representative for the Defense, and both Doc Roberts and Marshall duBois joined him. "Doctor DeLeon, why would you represent the Defendant?"


    DeLeon nodded to the Headmaster, then to me. "In order to see Justice done, the Defendant requires one as capable and knowledgeable in matters of Law as the Prosecution."


    Headmaster Miles smiled and replied, "or likely moreso, in your case, Doctor." He turned to duBois and formally asked, "Marshall duBois, why would you represent the Defendant?"


    DuBois'' voice filled the Yard as it was wont to do, "Losing a Cadet for any reason is a tragedy. Losing one because she did the right thing is not just a tragedy, but a perversion of what Justice ought to be."


    Headmaster Miles nodded in acknowledgement of duBois'' clear statement in support of me, then turned to Doc Roberts. "Doctor Roberts, why would you represent the Defendant?"


    Doc turned to face me, specifically, before answering, "I''ve known Cadet Tabitha Diaz," they emphasized my first name, like they¡¯d rather have just said that, "since her first week of classes here at Phileo City Heroic Academy. In that time, she has not only displayed at one time or another every quality any sane person could desire in a Hero, she has consistently shown one quality, the lack of which kept me personally from applying to a Heroic Academy. She has Courage such that I doubt she would ever let fear stop her. If she even let it give her pause I would be shocked." They smiled wryly and turned to the Headmaster before finishing up with, "How could I in good conscience not stand for a young woman who reminds me of what I could have been were I a better person?"


    Headmaster Miles nodded, then scanned the head table, "Would any other represent the Defendant in these matters?" Nobody else stood for a ten count, so he continued, "As both Doctor DeLeon''s and Marshall duBois'' testimonies will be required by the court, I must regretfully disqualify both of you from representing the Defendant. Doctor Roberts, will you represent the Defendant?"


    "I will, Headmaster." Doc picked up his stack of papers and strode purposefully around the back of the table to the chair to my right. As he settled into the chair, Headmaster Miles opened his mouth to speak. Before he got a word in, the pavers trembled slightly as a voice filled my head, and by the looks on their faces, the heads of everyone else in the Yard.


    Objection.


    Loki stood in front of Doc, his weight on his left leg, his left arm akimbo. What I could see of him reminded me of someone, but I couldn''t for the life of me figure out who. Short blond hair. Short for a guy, maybe even shorter than me. Thin, but neither scrawny nor what I''d normally think of as athletic. That might just be the cut of his suit, one remarkably similar to Headmaster Miles'', but in a deep, deep hunter green. When he spoke, the tenor voice that filled the Yard nearly as well as the Marshall''s baritone grabbed at the back of my brain, screaming to me that I knew it, but despite everything I couldn''t place it.


    "You''re in my seat."


    To his credit, Doc didn''t flinch. He looked up and said, "that''s for the Headmaster to decide. Why would you represent the Defendant?"


    Loki chuckled and quietly said, "Oh, I like you. Remind me to ask you if you''re available later." He then turned to the high table, nodded, then turned to face me before answering Doc''s question. "Despite the eloquent and deeply appreciated sentiment expressed by your most excellent Doctor of Arcane Shaping, Artificery, and Alchemy, I have far more invested in Cadet Diaz than Doctor Roberts possesses to invest. Should they not prove, in my estimation, to perform their duties as representative of the Defendant not only to my satisfaction, but as well as I could have done myself, I shall wax most wroth with them, even moreso should they fail to convince this Court Martial of her complete innocence of any and all charges brought against her."


    Holy shit. I''d never heard someone obliquely threaten an entire court with divine fucking wrath before. Maybe Loki wasn''t entirely pissed at me?


    Tabitha, were I angry with you, you would be the first to know. Be at peace, your Patron has come for you.


    He never blinked while saying that to me, and to his credit Headmaster Miles didn''t either when he looked at Loki and said, his soft voice conveying disapproval, "Other than thinly veiled threats to this Court''s chosen representative of the Defendant, what reasons or qualifications do you give for this replacement?"


    Loki just smiled, not that he''d ever stopped, even when dropping flirtatious threats at Doc. "I am a Trickster God, and my Patriarch is God of Lawyers. Doctor Roberts, for all their qualifications and good intentions, has less qualifications to be a representative than any graduate of Phileo Heroic Academy."


    The Headmaster nodded, "What of the Pact?"


    "You mean the one of which I''m not a signatory?" Loki asked, laughter bubbling behind his response. "Still, it would not do for me to impugn the honor of Our Tabitha by calling into question the impartiality of the Court, or its ability to resist divine manipulation. As such, I do solemnly swear that I shall not influence the minds or perceptions of any within this Yard with anything save those gifts which might be given to even the least magically endowed mortals; my choice of words, the quality of my arguments, my knowledge of the Law."


    At that point everyone heard duBois mutter, "your superhuman Personality."


    Loki just took it in stride, even chuckling a bit before continuing, "In addition, as my Pact-bound fellows would normally be required to devote their Champion or a member of their High Clergy to the effort, as well as a divine messenger, I swear my Champion and High Priestess will attend to these deliberations until such time as this Court Martial is dismissed." Every trace of humor left Loki''s face in that instant, and the entire Yard filled with so much Mana even I could feel it, see it wobble reality like jello. "I Swear this upon my own Divinity."


    The haze snapped away, leaving me focused on the Court, breathlessly awaiting Miles'' response. For the moment that focus even distracted me from the agony of my dead limb. Miles looked both ways, scanning the faces of the members of the Court, then returned his gaze to Loki. "You are right about your qualifications, and as Doctor DeLeon said, the Defendant deserves a representative at least as well versed as the Prosecution. So long as Doctor Roberts has no objections?"


    Doc smiled, holding their papers out to Loki as he rose, "none at all, Headmaster. Frankly I''m even a touch relieved. Hero Velazquez'' reputation in these matters is not one I''d care to test."


    Loki took the papers, even giving Doc a half bow as he did. He then turned and dropped into the seat, slouching gracefully in marked contrast to the Prosecution''s rigid military demeanor. Headmaster Miles waited for Doc to return to his seat, then addressed the assembly. "If there are no other objections," here he paused for a ten count, "Doctor Roberts, if you would be so kind as to read out the charges?"


    Doc nodded, stood back up, swiped Marshall duBois'' stack of papers, and waved one hand through a much abbreviated version of what I''d seen the Headmaster do earlier. He checked each page, cleared his throat, and then spoke. "All charges relate to a single series of events on Twenty Seventh Coll of this year. The Defendant is charged with eleven counts of Destruction of Property, three counts of Assault, one count of Assault on a Council Member, one count of Assault with intent to cause Grievous Harm, one count of Attempted Murder, two counts of Disrespect of a Council Member, three Jurisdictional counts of Disrespect of Faculty or Staff, eleven Jurisdictional counts of Destruction of School Property, twenty five Jurisdictional counts of Disrespect of Senior Cadets, and... one Jurisdictional count of Interfering with a Healer''s Duties."


    Fuckers decided to write a whole new goddamned book just to throw at me. If even half of that shit stuck, I suspected I''d be more fucked than if I''d got double teamed by Saffron and Marie.


    Headmaster Miles glanced back and forth between the Prosecution and the Defense. "You both recognize that list of charges as complete?"


    The Hero rumbled his agreement, and Loki nodded with a simple, "Yes."


    "So be it. Any other charges against Cadet Tabitha Diaz related to the events of Twenty Seventh Coll of this year at Phileo City Heroic Academy are hereby dismissed. Do either of you object to any of the charges?"


    The Prosecution''s rumble filled the Yard, even as he calmly said, "the charges of Destruction of Property and Jurisdictional Destruction of School Property seem redundant. Prosecution moves to have the Jurisdictional charges dismissed."


    "So noted. Any objections, Defense?"


    "None at all, Headmaster."


    "So be it. All charges of Jurisdictional Destruction of School Property are hereby dismissed. Any further objections?"


    Velazquez once again spoke before the ten count ended, "The Assault charge regarding Headmaster Miles is also redundant with the charge of Assault on a Council Member. Prosecution moves to have the Assault charge dismissed."


    "So noted. Any objections, Defense?"


    "None, Headmaster."


    "I have no objections on that score either. So be it. The charge of Assault against the person of Headmaster Miles is hereby dismissed."


    "Objection!" shrieked Trease as she leapt from her seat.


    Headmaster Miles, Hero Velazquez, and Loki all swiveled their gazes to glare at Trease. Headmaster Miles'' soft voice carried untold depths of disapproval. "Sister Trease, your lack of knowledge of Court Martial procedure makes me ever more glad you were disqualified from representing the Prosecution. Return to your seat and remain silent until you are called upon for your testimony."


    She dropped like a puppet with its strings cut, shock at the reprimand clear on her features. She muttered something, but far too low to be heard, even by those next to her.


    "Any further objections?", Miles asked.


    "The charges of Assault, Assault with Intent to cause Grevious Harm, and Attempted Murder, all upon the person of Sister Trease, are redundant. Prosecution moves to have the Assault and Attempted Murder charges dismissed."


    "So noted. Any objections, Defense?"


    "Yes, Headmaster. I would prefer all three charges remain."


    I almost caught myself praying Loki knew what he was doing, then realized who I''d be talking to if I did. He quirked a lip up as he glanced at me, as if to say he''d heard me anyhow.


    "Unusual, but so be it. Motion denied. Any further objections?"


    Velazquez'' bass rumbled out over the courtyard once more. "The charges of Disrespect of a Council Member are redundant with the charges of Jurisdictional Disrespect of Faculty or Staff as regards Hero Potami and Headmaster Miles. Motion to dismiss the charges of Disrespect of a Council Member."


    If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    "Interesting. So noted. Any objections, Defense?"


    Inside my own head, I asked, what the fuck? He''s going to drop the big charges?


    I heard Loki simultaneously say, "None, Headmaster." at the same time he replied, it''s far easier to prove disrespect of Faculty or Staff. Lesser consequences in an objective sense though.


    I thought back, Lesser consequences, like ''expulsion''? at the same time Headmaster Miles said, "So be it. The charges of Disrespect of a Council Member are hereby dismissed. Any further objections?"


    Be at peace, my devotee. You have made your desire to remain enrolled clear to your Patron.


    The Prosecutor rumbled out, "None, Headmaster", and a moment later Loki echoed, "None, Headmaster."


    "So be it. The accused''s guilt or innocence of all remaining charges will be determined by this Court Martial. As there has been no formal Inquiry as yet, we will begin with an account of the events of Twenty Seventh Coll by the accused. Cadet Diaz, please recount to us, as best as you remember them, the events that occurred on Twenty Seventh Coll of this year."


    I tried to stand up a little straighter, and my fucking left arm forced a full body wince before I bore down and forced my spine to straighten properly. "You''re referring to the events of Sunday of this past week?"


    Headmaster Miles just raised one eyebrow, "Yes, Cadet."


    With pain coursing through my hands and left arm, I couldn''t think of another stalling tactic. I closed my eyes, literally praying, What do I do?


    Tell the story as you remember it.


    Won''t they be able to use it against me then?


    Technically yes, but if you do not speak these things aloud, I cannot use them in your defense. Speak clearly and plainly, and fear nothing so long as you speak truth.


    I opened my eyes, took a deep breath, forced my left shoulder to square parallel to the right one, and spoke. "We were in the yard playing Squadball. I think it was the last match before Lunch." Guilt forced my next words out, burning worse than my arm. "I taunted Cadet Lancaster in an attempt to get him to make a poorly advised throw at me. He did so, and I dodged his throw, unaware that... unaware of Cadet Driver''s position behind me. Because of my failure to stop Cadet Lancaster''s throw, two Squadballs struck him simultaneously, one in each temple. He..." I stuttered to a stop, the pain of guilt merging with the pain from my arm to rob me of speech.


    "Are you capable of continuing, Cadet?" Headmaster Miles'' quiet, considerate voice pulled me from my pit of guilt, forcing me back to voicing it aloud.


    "Yes, Headmaster. Sorry, Headmaster." I focused on my image of Bill in that moment. "He fell, bleeding from both ears, his nose, his eyes, and the perimeter of welts around the points of impact. I applied a Stabilize Spell, followed by an Assess Health Spell. The Assess Health Spell indicated," I stopped, took a deep breath, and plowed forward. "The Assess Health Spell indicated Cadet Driver was dead. I picked up a ball, intending to visit commensurate damage on Cadet Lancaster." A suspiciously Lancaster-sounding gasp came from the crowd behind me, but I kept talking. "Marshall duBois intercepted me and indicated that delivering Cadet Driver''s corpse," here I paused for breath again, having forced the word from my mouth. I remembered Bill speaking after Sister Siobhan''s spell, but my gut still didn''t believe it. "delivering Cadet Driver''s corpse to the Infirmary was the objectively superior course of action."


    I paused, trying to pierce together what happened after that from my adrenaline clouded memories. I paused after every sentence, trying to put everything in order, trying to remember it right, trying to be honest about all of it, no matter how stupid or guilty it made me look. "I proceeded at my best pace to the Infirmary. I arrived at the Men''s Infirmary, where Doctor DeLeon Assessed Cadet Driver''s corpse and ordered me to deliver it to Sister Siobhan in the Girl''s Infirmary. I proceeded, again at my best pace, to the Ladies'' Infirmary. I arrived at the Ladies'' Infirmary, where Sister Siobhan Assessed Cadet Driver''s corpse and asked if I was willing to bear the cost, to which I answered in the affirmative. Sister Siobhan brought Cadet Driver back to life. I lost the use of my left arm. Sister Trease arrived at the Infirmary and informed me there would be further consequences for my actions. Headmaster Miles arrived at the Infirmary and ordered me to my room, Sister Siobhan overruled him and placed me in an Infirmary bed. Headmaster Miles indicated that there would be an Inquiry today. I indicated I had previous obligations to my Patron. Headmaster Miles indicated that his orders overruled my obligations. My Patron informed me that he chose to forgo overriding the Headmaster."


    I stopped, thinking through everything, nodding my head as I thought through it, then finished with, "Then I went to sleep."


    I''m not sure what I expected after that, but Headmaster Miles simply stated, amusement clear in his voice, "A very... concise summation of events, Cadet. Thank you." He glanced between the Prosecutor and Loki. "Any questions?"


    The Prosecutor rose from his chair, looking at Loki and saying, "Unless you wanted first go?"


    Loki smiled and shook his head, "That would most certainly be breaking with tradition. Go ahead."


    The Mountain that walked like a Hero took a few steps toward me, until he stood just out of reach, but in easy conversational distance. "Cadet Diaz. Your testimony indicated you applied a Stabilize Spell before an Assess Health spell. Is this correct?"


    "Yes, Sir."


    He looked a little confused, and asked, "Why?"


    "I can do Stabilize faster than I can do Assess Health, Sir."


    His confusion didn''t go away, but he simply said, "If you are capable of doing so, demonstrate both."


    I nodded, sighed, then said, "I used to be better with my left, and my right is injured. My Stabilize might not be faster now, Sir." I raised my right hand, ignored my burns, ignored the pain as my fucking useless left arm took not only its own weight, but the weight of both of my shackles, and popped out a Stabilize as fast as I could, while extruding an Assess Health from my right cheekbone.


    Hero Velazquez took one long step back, a steel glinting from his left hand, held low to his side. Loki just laughed. Doc cleared his throat, still amplified, and when Headmaster Miles nodded at him, said, "I assure you, as pyrotechnic as her Spells appear, they are no more dangerous than their more mundane counterparts. Well, her Stabilize might be a bit more intense than most, but not actually dangerous, due to the nature of the spell."


    The Hero never took his eyes off of me. "Isn''t she supposed to be shackled?"


    Loki spoke up from the far side of the Court. "You specifically asked her to demonstrate a Spell normally requiring two hands. I find her removal of only one hand and neither foot to demonstrate exceptional restraint, given the circumstances."


    "Fine, agreed, but aren''t shackles normally supposed to, you know, restrict movement?"


    "Divine intervention. A gift of her Patron. Something, something, something, not to be bound, constrained, etcetera."


    The Hero just rolled his eyes. "So why is she even shackled in the first place?"


    "Because there are forms to be followed, Hero Velazquez. Tabitha, your lack of shackle appears to be disturbing the Prosecution. Correct that."


    I nodded, faced the Prosecutor, and said, "I''m sorry, Sir, I needed my hand free for the demonstration." I retracted my Assess Health, grounded my Stabilize in my useless fucking left arm, reached around behind myself, grit my teeth, closed my eyes, and forced my fucking useless left hand to latch the shackle around my right wrist. Water leaked from my eyes, blurring my vision when I opened them, but I looked at the Hero and said, "Is that better, Sir?"


    "Yeah," he deadpanned. With a quick shake of his head, he reoriented and said, "let the record show that Cadet Tabitha''s Stabilize Spell is, indeed, marginally faster than her Assess Health Spell." After a pause, he continued. "Could you restate your initial intentions upon realizing Cadet Driver was dead?"


    I''d expected something like this, and I suspected that anything less than the truth would wind up biting me in the ass worse than the truth. "I intended to kill Cadet Lancaster by inserting Squadballs into his orifices. Sir."


    That got more than one gasp from behind me, along with more than a few hastily choked off giggles. To his credit, the Hero didn''t even blink. "You intended to Murder Cadet Lancaster?"


    "Yes, Sir."


    That got raised eyebrows. "And you changed your course of action because of Marshall duBois'' convincing oratory?"


    I paused, mouth working without words coming out for a moment, before settling on, "He might have ordered me to do something else. I don''t really remember specifics. I wasn''t thinking clearly, Sir."


    "Not thinking clearly, but clearly enough to intend to Murder Cadet Lancaster?"


    "He''s got a very punchable face, Sir."


    That got him. He choked down the laugh, but I saw him do it. I kept my own face as blank as the ongoing pain from my left arm let me. The audience and even a few of the staff seated at the table laughed out loud, and I heard a clear, "Hey!" from Lancaster. When the Prosecutor recovered and the audience went silent, he said, "Let''s put a pin in that for the moment. You said you travelled from the Practice Yard to the Men''s Infirmary. Why the Men''s Infirmary."


    I paused a moment, tilting my head in thought. "I suppose I could say it''s the closest, but the truth is I got turned around. I wasn''t thinking clearly, as I said. Sir."


    "Fair enough. The layout is symmetrical, the signage archaic, an easy enough mistake to make, even when clearheaded." I thought he might be making some kind of point to the Headmaster with that, but so long as it didn''t cost me anything, he could talk all day about whatever bullshit he wanted. Okay, it cost me more pain from my shackled left arm, but I wasn''t sure that would ever go away, so I counted that as a wash. "Did you encounter any obstacles between the Practice Yard and the Men''s Infirmary?"


    I thought about it. "Um, a couple doors?" An echoing crunch sounded through my head and I remembered. "Oh, yeah. The gender net thing at the entrance to the Men''s Dormitory. Sir."


    "You didn''t think to head for the Ladies'' Infirmary at that point?"


    "The Men''s Infirmary was only a few dozen feet away at most, Sir."


    He paused, looked at Loki, then back to me, "You remained clearheaded enough to think that through at the time?"


    I shook my head. "No, Sir. But I was too angry to realize what the gender net catching me meant, Sir."


    "So you were angry?"


    "As I''ve said, Sir, murderously so. That would be why I wasn''t thinking clearly." A bit of a lie; at the time everything was crystal clear; Bill was Dead, I needed to get him to the Infirmary, and something was In My Way. But the Prosecutor just nodded when I appended, "Sir."


    "So, upon your arrival in the Men''s Infirmary, Doctor DeLeon Assessed Cadet Driver and ordered you to take him to Sister Siobhan in the Ladies'' Infirmary?"


    "Yes, Sir." I really hoped he wouldn''t do a blow-by-blow of every damn thing I''d already said, but it really would wind up being par for the course if he did.


    "Did you encounter any obstacles between the Men''s Infirmary and the Ladies'' Infirmary?"


    "Yes, Sir."


    "Describe them, in order, Cadet."


    I spent a moment thinking things through, then recited. "A crowd in front of the Entrance. The Ladies'' Dormitory gender net. Sister Trease. The door to the Ladies'' Infirmary. That''s all, Sir."


    "How did you bypass the crowd at the Entrance?"


    "I shouted for them to clear a path. All but one did, and I drove through him, Sir."


    "Did you recognize the one who didn''t clear a path?"


    I shrugged, "Not at the time, Sir."


    "When did you recognize him, then?"


    I sighed, the motion tearing at my left arm. "When he showed up in the Infirmary with my boot print on his shirt, Sir."


    He smiled at that, glancing at the Headmaster without turning his head. "What obstacle did the Filtering Ward at the entrance to the Ladies'' Infirmary pose to you?"


    "It would not permit Cadet Driver''s body passage, Sir."


    He nodded, "But it would have permitted you to enter?"


    "I believe so, Sir."


    "So tell me, Cadet, why didn''t you leave Cadet Driver''s body behind and retrieve Sister Siobhan?"


    I froze, my mouth open. I tried to say half a dozen different things, but none of them made any sense, even to me. I''d been criminally stupid at that point. It took me a minute of stuttering, during which the Prosecutor said, "Cadet?" once or twice, but I managed to sort it out in my head just as he turned away.


    "Two reasons, Sir. I''m not sure which motivated my actions more."


    He turned back and said, "Go on, Cadet."


    "As I''ve stated before, I wasn''t thinking clearly, Sir; I never even thought about bringing Sister Siobhan to Bi... to Cadet Driver''s body. But also," I paused, realizing as I said it how corny it sounded, how much I''d arrived with it drilled into my head by ROTC. "You never leave one of your own behind, Sir."


    The courtyard went completely silent at that, I have no idea why. The Prosecutor took a moment, then asked, "I''m almost afraid to ask, but how did you bypass the Filtering Ward?"


    "Mana Blades, Sir."


    He mouthed the words, then looked to Doc. "Mana Blades?"


    Doc said, "a Spell of Cadet Diaz'' own design, Prosecutor."


    The Hero looked back to me, took another deliberate half-step back, and asked, "Can you demonstrate that Spell, Doctor?"


    "No, Hero Velazquez, I cannot. I have a firm grasp of the theory, mind you, and am working on replicating it, but the Cadet first demonstrated it to me less than a week ago, and," here they paused, shrugged, and said, "I''m not certain I have the Mana to replicate it in the form she uses, so I''ll likely have to refine it substantially to develop a version usable by others."


    The Hero looked back at me, and the glint of metal from his left hand reappeared. "Cadet Diaz, can you demonstrate your ''Mana Blades'' spell without removing your hands from your shackles?"


    I thought about it for a moment. I didn''t want to mess up yet another uniform, especially one that Marie had tailored as comfortable and flattering as this one. I shrugged, and forced a Mana blade out of my forehead, thinking, Look, I''m a unicorn! while saying, "Is that good enough, Sir?"


    That got a spit-take out of Loki, but the crowd ignored it to stare at the sparking, shining wire of mana sticking out of my forehead. The Prosecutor shifted his left hand and said, "That will be fine, Cadet. Thank you." I pulled the Mana back into myself in time to hear him ask, "how did you use your Mana Blade to disrupt the Filtering Ward?"


    "Mana blades, Sir. Many of them. I''m not sure how many. I''m also not sure how they disrupted the Filtering Ward. They tangled in something, and I pulled at it until the Filtering Ward let go of Bill''s body. Sir."


    "So, your Mana Blades can cut through spells? Can they cut through anything else?"


    I shrugged, "I suppose they can, as I said I''m not sure how it worked. I haven''t found anything they can''t cut through, although I haven''t tried them on much, Sir."


    His left arm definitely tensed at that. He forced himself to stillness and said, "Out of curiosity, what have you tested them on?"


    I just rattled things off as I thought of them. "Uh... Bread? Yeah, a couple loaves of bread, some wood. I kinda tried to cut my fingers off this morning. Didn''t cut them, but they didn''t stop the blades, either. Burned the fuck out of my fingers. Sir." As he opened his mouth to say something, I remembered and blurted out, "Oh! Right! I cut through a piece of Cold Iron with them. Took a shi," With a start, I remembered where I was. "Sorry, Sir. The Cold Iron took far more Mana than the blades normally do, Sir. And my fingers suffered, uh, second degree burns, I think. I didn''t see any charring, but I lost a layer of skin to blistering. Sir."


    He looked like he either wanted to apply some precautionary maiming to my person or run the fuck away, but he just shook his head and said, "Cold Iron. You''re sure?"


    I shrugged again. "I''m sure I cut through some metal. Headmaster Miles identified the metal as Cold Iron. The bits I cut off are on my personal shrine in my room, if you need them. Same with the wood. Sir."


    "Right. That might be needed later, but for now, did you recognize Sister Trease upon seeing her in the hallway?"


    "Yes, Sir."


    "Did you ask her to move?"


    "I''d been screaming ''Make a hole, coming through'' all the way from the Entrance to the entry to the Dormitory, Sir. I figured at that point that she''d heard it."


    "Did she move?"


    "Sort of the opposite, Sir. She seemed to be deliberately obstructing my passage."


    He nodded and said, "And how did you respond to her actions?"


    "I followed orders and got Bill to the Infirmary, Sir."


    "I see. Could you be more specific?"


    "I treated her as a deliberately hostile force, disabled her to prevent further obstruction, and moved past her as quickly as possible, Sir."


    "Disabled her how, exactly?"


    I sighed, bowing my head, then raised my head and looked straight at Trease. "I kicked her in the gut, then used her shoulder as a springboard as she fell."


    That nearly got her to say something, especially with me staring at her, but she managed to keep her swearing silent somehow. The Hero asked me, "One final question; you claim you lost use of your left arm, yet I saw you using it to reshackle yourself. Explain?"


    "My left arm, from the shoulder down, is in constant pain. If I put any weight on it or attempt to use it in any way, the pain intensifies. Mana no longer flows naturally through my left arm, and forcing Mana through my left arm causes debilitating pain."


    He just nodded. "Thank you, Cadet." He turned to Loki. "Your witness."


    They traded positions, Hero Velazquez returning to his seat and Loki coming to stand within an arm''s length of me.


    Excellent work, Tabitha. Just a few more questions, and you''ll be able to rest and observe for a while.


    "Cadet Diaz, when you first realized Cadet Driver was dead, who did you blame for his death?"


    "Cadet Lancaster."


    No Sir for your Patron? sounded inside my head, while aloud he asked, "was that your motive when you intended to murder him?"


    You''re not an Officer, just a God, I snarked while saying, "Yes."


    Ouch. "Do you still blame Cadet Lancaster for Cadet Driver''s death?"


    "No."


    "Who do you now blame for Cadet Driver''s Death."


    "Myself."


    He nodded, then asked, "At any point during your passage from Yard to Infirmary to Infirmary, did you intend disrespect toward anyone?"


    "No."


    "Even Sister Trease?"


    I shrugged. He''d told me to tell the truth. "That''s more habitual than intentional."


    That nearly got her. Dammit. A couple snickers sounded behind me, Loki covering for them by asking, "Did you even think disrespectful thoughts toward anyone?"


    I thought about it. Another shrug. "I thought the one guy out of twenty seven who didn''t get the message when I screamed ''make a fucking hole'' was really fucking dumb. Is that disrespectful?"


    Hero Velazquez choked on his own spit trying not to laugh at that, but the audience went deathly silent. I risked a momentary glance away from Loki to Headmaster Miles. My gut clenched, not because he looked angry though. He just smiled that same serene smile I''d rarely seen him without. To hell with knives and money and magic. That kind of self-control scared the living crap out of me, and Headmaster Miles managed it without creepy sociopath Smith''s creepy sociopath vibes.


    Loki just let out a smooth chuckle, then asked, "Did you, at any point, intentionally waste either Doctor DeLeon or Sister Siobhan''s time?"


    "No."


    He nodded, then said, "just a few more questions, I think. Did you understand the cost Sister Siobhan was asking of you before she Revived Cadet Driver?"


    "No. Didn''t fucking care, either."


    He hummed at that. "Do you understand the cost she was asking of you now?"


    I thought about it, and the image of a page I''d read a month or so ago popped out in front of my mind''s eye, clear as day. "Yes."


    "How?"


    "I just remembered a passage from ''Law and Custom of Heroic, Phileo City Edition''. She used the ritual words asked of a human sacrifice before they''re sacrificed."


    "Would you have answered the same way had you understood what she was asking of you?"


    "Objection!" Hero Velazquez'' voice rolled across the Yard. "Speculation."


    Loki turned to Headmaster Miles, inclining his torso just enough to be considered a bow, maybe, if you looked at it just right. "Headmaster, I ask you to allow Tabitha to answer this question, as it not only potentially speaks to her intent at the time, but also speaks to her general character."


    Miles pondered a moment, then said, "With that stipulation, I''ll allow it. Objection overruled."


    "So, Tabitha, would you have given your life for Cadet Driver''s?"


    "Yes."


    "Why?"


    I struggled for an endless moment, trying to figure out why what I''d said was true. I knew it was, but it took me a bit to sort out why, because it wasn''t why so much as ''whys''. "My fault. My friend." I paused, daring anyone in the Yard or any fucking where else to contradict the last reason as I spat it out. "You don''t leave one of your own behind."


    Loki didn''t skip a beat. "Would you still give your life for his?"


    I shrugged. "Yeah, probably."


    "Even knowing your Patron objects to such a sacrifice, not in general, but from you specifically?"


    I looked him straight in the eye. At that point in time, no one else, anywhere, mattered one fucking bit. "If you object to me taking responsibility for my actions, expect me to abandon my friends, or to leave one of my own behind? You can get fucked."


    "You would renounce your Patron for your honor, for your friends, for your boon companions?"


    I shook my head, smiling a lopsided grin at him. "Nah. No point. Wasted effort. If he''s worth my time, I don''t need to, and If he''s not worth shit he''ll disavow me."


    Careful, Tabitha.


    Why? You doubting whether you''re worth shit?


    He smiled at me, genuine humor masking something deeper, darker, and simultaneously far more and far less frightening. Of course not. I know my worth. But it''s best if my wife doesn''t catch you flirting with me.


    "No further questions, Headmaster."


    Headmaster Miles nodded, then his soft, serene, implacable voice filled the Yard once more. "Next, we will call additional witnesses to the events. Marshall duBois, Hero Potami, Doctor DeLeon, Sister Siobhan, Sister Trease, all Cadets involved in the events yesterday, make ready to give your dispositions.


    I tried to stretch my shoulders, only for my entire left arm to explode into burning, tearing pain that left sparkles across my vision. I sighed and bullied myself back into an acceptable Parade Rest. This trial looked like it was gonna take fucking forever.

 Day Fifty Nine

    Dear Diary,


    I never imagined the worst part of being Court Martialed would be the waiting.


    So after the Cadets behind me shuffled around to put the crew I''d passed in the hallway next to the Entrance front and center, Marshall duBois moved around to sit in the chair next to me.


    Headmaster Miles looked around, I guess to make sure nobody''d decided to take a nap, and then said, "Marshall duBois, please recount to us, as best as you remember them, your part in the events that occurred on Twenty Seventh Coll of this year."


    DuBois nodded, and his voice filled the Yard. "I had the Cadets playing Squadball for the morning to burn off some energy and aggression before an afternoon of advanced hand to hand lessons and sparring. During what I intended as the last match before lunch, Cadet Driver received a mortal wound from the simultaneous impact of two balls, one to either temple. By the time I reached the Cadet, Cadet Diaz had already applied a Stabilize Spell. She appeared enraged by the accident, so I ordered her to take Cadet Driver''s corpse to the Infirmary. I then returned my attention to the remaining Cadets, taking advantage of the teachable moment to explain to them how Cadet Diaz'' response was an exemplar of what to do in the case of any such wound, whether in training or in the field."


    "Is that all?"


    DuBois nodded again. The Headmaster still waited a full ten count before speaking. The man didn''t have a titanium rod up his ass. He had a titanium soul. Possibly up his ass. I wasn''t as sure about that part.


    "Thank you, Marshall. Prosecution?"


    Hero Velazquez stood and moved over to stand in front of the Marshall. I smirked as I realized he''d barely stopped himself from going into Parade Rest in front of duBois. The Marshall was, technically, sort of, his boss some of the time, and at a guess one of the more senior Heroes in the City. "Thank you for your testimony, Marshall. Can you recall the exact wording of the order you gave Cadet Diaz?"


    DuBois considered for half a second, then nodded, "Yes."


    "Could you recount that wording for the Court in full now, please?"


    The entire Yard vibrated, then shook as duBois'' parade ground shout filled it, "Get Driver to the Infirmary, NOW NOW NOW!"


    The Hero just smiled, the kind of thing you''d do at a favorite teacher''s annoying idiosyncrasies. "Thank you, Marshall." He looked over at Loki. "Your witness."


    They traded places, and Loki opened with, "Forgive my ignorance, but I assume that recounting was at a similar volume to your order on the day in question?"


    DuBois nodded, saying, "Pretty much."


    "Did you intend for Tabitha to expedite her transit via any means necessary?"


    The Marshall thought for a second before growling his reply, "it would have been counterproductive for her to kill someone to do it, including herself, but short of that? Yes."


    "So you ordered her to destroy school property and disrespect the person of anyone who got in her way?"


    "Not what I said."


    "Ah," exclaimed my Patron, "but you clearly implied it, didn''t you?"


    "Only if necessary. I trusted her judgment on whether it was or not."


    Loki nodded, absolutely hamming his pose of consideration up for the Court. "So, Marshall. In your professional opinion, having heard Tabitha''s testimony, was it necessary?"


    "Some of it."


    "Which, specifically?"


    The Marshall thought about it for a second before listing out his opinion. "Yelling at people to clear the way and going through anyone who didn''t clear a path."


    "Thank you, Marshall." Loki took three steps toward his chair before spinning about. Such a drama queen. "Out of curiosity, why didn''t you deliver Cadet Driver''s corpse to the Infirmary yourself?"


    DuBois'' reply shot back instantly. "I needed Cadet Diaz out of the Practice Yard before she gave in to blood lust, I needed to capitalize on a teachable moment, and of no less importance to my decision, Sister Siobhan is the school''s designated Revive specialist, and I can''t bypass the Ladies'' Dormitory''s Filtration Ward without substantial effort and, more pertinently, time."


    "Thank you, Marshall. No more questions, Headmaster."


    The Headmaster nodded, waited through his obligatory ten count, and announced, "Hero Potami, you are now requested and required to give testimony." A woman rose from a seat at the table and walked around to the chair. Her initial movements set off alarm bells, and when I got to see her face as she approached the chair, I slotted her immediately into the ''do not fuck with'' category. Unlike the Smith, she had no lack of soul, but hers, much like the Headmaster''s, was pure titanium. Unlike the Headmaster''s ergonomic soul, however, she had a titanium machine designed to mince up bad guys and dispense laser guided Justice in multiple serving sizes. She lowered herself to the chair, and I didn''t have to look to know she''d done so with both precision and grace, perching on the very front edge of the chair.


    It kinda surprised me when she passed in front of me that she had to be at least six inches shorter than me, but whatever.


    Headmaster Miles broke the silence by saying, "Hero Potami, please recount to us, as best as you remember them, your part in the events that occurred on Twenty Seventh Coll of this year."


    Her mezzo-soprano didn''t echo the way duBois or the Prosecutors did. Each syllable filled the Yard precisely when she spoke, disappearing immediately after. "I stood in the Entrance of Phileo Heroic Academy, preparing to take twenty five Senior Cadets on an extended patrol in force, a ''ride along'', as you described it earlier. An unknown woman in a Cadet''s uniform advanced at a sprint from the direction of the Men''s Dormitory, carrying a body, also in a Cadet''s uniform, and shouting for us to, and I quote, ''make a fucking hole''. My Cadets and I dove for the Entrance as the nearest clear space out of the corridor. The Cadet collided with the Headmaster, who had not moved from his position in the middle of the hallway. The unknown woman then continued down the hallway, continuing to announce her urgency at what I assume was her best volume, saying ''coming through. make a hole''. I lost sight of her when she rounded the corner in the direction of the Ladies'' Dormitory."


    Headmaster Miles actually wound up slow off the mark, starting a little before asking, "Is that all?"


    "Yes, Headmaster."


    "Thank you, Hero. Prosecution?"


    Hero Velazquez walked over, already asking, "Hero Potemi, can you identify the unknown woman now?"


    She just stared at him until he closed his eyes, heaved a sigh, and said, "Apologies. Hero PotAHmi, can you identify the unknown woman now?"


    "With some caveats, yes, Prosecutor."


    "Please do so."


    "The unknown woman matched the Defendant, identified today as Freshman Cadet Tabitha Diaz, within tolerances only achievable by advanced shapeshifting."


    The Hero nodded, "Are there any sufficiently advanced shapeshifters within a day''s travel of Phileo City Heroic Academy?"


    "Yes."


    Another quiet sigh, "How many?"


    "To the best of my knowledge, one."


    "And where is this shapeshifter now?"


    "To the best of my knowledge, seated to my right."


    I hope to hell her sex partner has a cock of tungsten steel.


    Loki replied with a simple, hmm?


    If it''s not, with Kegels strong enough to keep her ass that tight, she''ll crush it like a toothpaste tube in a hydraulic press.


    Loki choked down his snort, but hero Potami''s head swiveled to the right. Before she''d turned entirely his way, Loki replied, Oh, don''t worry, his is, with an image of Hero Velazquez.


    Aaargghhh! Great Dane mounting a Corgi! Brain bleach! Brain bleach! Her head swiveled back when I straight up snorted a laugh, but before she''d pulled me into her sights I squared my shoulders, and the resulting pain wiped any vestige of humor from my face.


    "Final question, Hero Potami. Do you believe Cadet Diaz could have avoided collision with Headmaster Miles?"


    "Yes."


    "No more questions. Thank you, Hero Potami." He nodded to Loki, "Your witness."


    Before he even stood fully, Loki asked, "Hero Potami, in your professional opinion, would avoiding Headmaster Miles have slowed Cadet Diaz?"


    "Yes."


    "Did you, at any point during your part in the events, feel disrespected in any way?"


    For once Hero Potami didn''t respond immediately. Her head tilted to the side, as if she needed to use gravity to direct blood flow to an entirely different part of the brain than what she normally used. After a few moments, she straightened her head and said, "Yes."


    "By Cadet Diaz?"


    "No."


    Loki nodded, then asked, "Out of curiosity, then, who did not pay proper respect to your self and position?"


    "Headmaster Miles."


    I''d say you could have heard a pin drop, but that pretty much happened every time Hero Potami spoke. She had that kind of intense, sphincter clenching presence. Loki paused a moment, purely to allow the audience to savor her answer, then said, "Thank you, Hero. No more questions, Headmaster."


    Headmaster''s nod, ten count wait, then, "Doctor DeLeon, you are now requested and required to give testimony."


    Doc DeLeon strolled around to the chair. He sat down a little ornately, sweeping his professorial robes across the seat of the chair before sitting. "Doctor DeLeon, please recount to us, as best as you remember them, your part in the events that occurred on Twenty Seventh Coll of this year."


    "Of course, Headmaster. Cadet Diaz entered the Men''s Infirmary carrying Cadet Driver. I Assessed him, and upon determining his condition as dead, ordered Cadet Diaz to deliver Cadet Driver to Sister Siobhan in the Ladies'' Infirmary as quickly as possible. She left immediately. I contacted Sister Siobhan to alert her to Tabitha''s imminent arrival."


    Ten count. "Is that all?"


    "Yes, Headmaster."


    "Thank you, Doctor. Prosecution?"


    The Hero didn''t even approach, but asked, "Doctor, could you repeat for us now the order you gave Cadet Diaz, word for word, to the best of your recollection?"


    Doc DeLeon shrugged, "The moment was a little heated, but if I recall I said, ''Get him to Sister Siobhan, as fast as you can''."


    "No more questions. Thank you, Doctor. Your witness."


    Loki stood and took a few steps toward Doc DeLeon before asking, almost conspiratorially, "Doctor, did Tabitha interfere with your duties in any way during the events in question?"


    "In any other circumstance, that question would be insultingly stupid. No, she did not."


    "Excellent. Just for confirmation, why didn''t you personally deliver Cadet Driver to Sister Siobhan?"


    Doc DeLeon opened his mouth to answer, paused a moment, then said, "She''s just plain faster than me, no question. I''m a historian, a lawyer, and a healer. I''m not a Hero."


    "Thank you, Doctor. No more questions, Headmaster."


    Ten count. "Sister Siobhan, you are now requested and required to give testimony."


    The Sister rose from her place at the table, walking to the Witness'' chair with a stride so smooth I could have set a full bowl of water on top of her head and not spilled a drop. She sat gracefully in the chair, both legs tucked to the side away from me, angling her face to me ever so slightly.


    "Sister Siobhan, please recount to us, as best as you remember them, your part in the events that occurred on Twenty Seventh Coll of this year."


    "Yes, Headmaster. Doctor DeLeon contacted me with a Priority Message Spell. He told me Tabitha was headed to my Infirmary with Bill''s body. As I moved to open the door, I heard a terrible shrieking from the hallway, followed by the sounds of a scuffle. When I''d just turned the handle, Tabitha charged into the room, spilling us both to the floor. I noticed particularly that at no point did she release Bill''s body; in fact she took the impact of their fall entirely on her back and arms, protecting him until she could deposit him carefully on the nearest Infirmary bed. I Assessed him to confirm Doctor DeLeon''s diagnosis," here she paused and looked at Doc DeLeon in his seat at the table, "apologies, Doctor, but other than ''Dead'', you hadn''t sent me any other information."


    When she paused her testimony right there, Doc DeLeon quickly replied, just loud enough to carry to Sister Siobhan, "No apology needed, Sister. I don''t even know the Revive Spell, didn''t know anything else mattered."


    She smiled, nodded, and continued, "I prepared to Revive Bill when I realized Cadet Diaz was hovering. I formally asked her if she would bear the cost of the Revive, fully expecting her to say ''no'', but she agreed. I Revived Bill with Cadet Diaz paying the cost of Revival. At some point during the process Sister Trease entered the Infirmary and attempted to disrupt the process, but by Canta''s grace she failed to do so. You entered the Infirmary and explained to Tabitha that she must attend an Inquiry today, and her Patron confirmed that."


    Ten count pause. "Is that all?"


    "Yes, Headmaster."


    "Thank you, Sister. Prosecution."


    The Prosecutor walked over to stand within conversational distance from Sister Siobhan. "Sister, did Tabitha''s knocking you to the floor risk impeding your performance of your duties?"


    "I mean, I guess? It might have, conceivably? But it didn''t. In fact..."


    David cut her off. "That will be all, Sister. No more questions. Thank you Sister. Your witness."


    Loki stood beside Sister Siobhan without seeming to move through the intervening distance. "Sister, if you would, please finish what you were about to say just now?"


    I heard the Prosecutor''s sigh from where I stood. "Thank you, Loki. I wanted to note that Tabitha''s actions actually kept me from being incapacitated for the remainder of the day, at least. Possibly significantly longer."


    "Can you explain to the Court, in simple terms, why?"


    "I.. I shouldn''t." I could tell she wanted to, but found herself caught on the horns of a dilemma. Someday I wanted a pair of dilemma horns to mount on my wall. Maybe even a whole dilemma head.


    Loki smiled, leaning over as if conspiring with the Sister, even though his soft voice still filled the Yard. "A Secret of your Patron relating to casting the Revive Spell?"


    Sister Siobhan jerked her head in a tiny nod, almost as if she didn''t want anyone but Loki to see it.


    Loki stood and faced the Yard, spinning slowly in place until he''d met the eyes of everyone in it, commanding their full attention. "Let it be known to all within hearing, whether a member of this Court or not; should any here in any way repeat the knowledge you hear regarding the Secrets of Canta, even to acknowledging that you know such Secrets exist, I swear that I shall make you regret your indiscretion with every fiber of your being for every day of your," here he turned and smiled at Sister Siobhan, "hopefully long, healthy lives."


    Headmaster Miles'' response came immediately, no ten count required. "Defense, did you just threaten this court with Divine retribution?"


    "Perhaps."


    "What of your oath limiting you to gifts granted to mortals?"


    "I have done nothing but promise retribution. Any mortal can do so. I have not otherwise affected their minds or perceptions. Their future actions, hopefully, as I would quickly tire of such a bothersome chore, but I am a God of my word, and should they reveal anything I mentioned, I shall do so."


    The Headmaster chewed on that a bit (I''ll let you guess how long) before saying, "Carry on."


    Loki knelt before Sister Siobhan and swore, earnest honesty radiating from him, "Should your Patron wax wroth with you, I shall ask them to take the cost from me. Should they disavow you, I shall immediately grant you my Patronage for as long as you should need, assisting you with all my resources to find another Patron specializing in Healing." He waited, watching Sister Siobhan waver moment to moment, at the perfect instant, he lowered his head and begged, "Please, Sister. For Tabitha."


    Remind me not to give that charismatic bastard a single inch.


    Don''t worry. I shan''t.


    Sister Siobhan choked out a single sob, then nodded, her shoulders straightening as a sigh escaped her. "Canta forgive me," she whispered, then shifted into a lecture mode worthy of any of the teachers in the Academy. "As a few of you have learned, the cost of the Revive Spell can vary greatly. At the most expensive, the cost can be the lives of multiple others, their Mana torn from them in order to fully heal the Body, recall the Soul from its afterlife, restore any damage to the Soul, properly integrate or excise memories, both those of the Body to be Revived as well as any memories from previous or subsequent lives, and finally welding Soul and Body to restore natural Mana flow and what is commonly referred to as ''life''."


    She paused, took another deep breath, and continued. "What none of you save those who have devoted their lives to Healing in the service of Canta until they have achieved both the Revive Spell and the Healing Coma Spell as Skills know is that those who have done so are Blessed by Canta such that should they fail to have Mana sufficient to successfully Revive a Body, Canta makes up the difference."


    Holy shit. Gods can do that?


    Apparently Canta can.


    I mean, isn''t that kinda dangerous for the God?


    Oh, sweet Tabitha. The Mana of the greatest Mortal mages pales to insignificance next to the Mana of a God.


    So who do the Gods pale in significance next to?


    A Gem beyond compare. In all the cosmos, only Primordials routinely have more, and some very old, strong, Glorious Gods rival even them.


    All that passed between us in a flash; Siobhan continued speaking. "The Healer then falls under the sway of her own Healing Coma, dedicating all of her Mana to Canta, until such time as her body and soul produce enough Mana to return to Canta what he granted in the Healer''s moment of need."


    She fell silent, pensive, and Loki looked up from where he knelt before her. "Thank you for your trust, Sister. I will strive to be worthy of it," as will everyone else here if they know what is good for them. That last didn''t echo, it just seeped up from my hindbrain, and by the reaction of everyone else in the Court, theirs as well.


    If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.


    "Please, if you would, explain to the Court how Tabitha''s actions kept you from being incapacitated?"


    With a huge sigh that deflated her from her teaching pose and back to being simple Sister Siobhan, she answered, "Of course. First, and I can only assume Tabitha did this by applying a great deal more than the normal amount of Mana to the Stabilize she applied to Bill, as it''s the only spell she knows, Tabitha delivered Bill to me in perfect condition."


    "Perfect condition?" Loki asked, lifting an eyebrow.


    Siobhan actually blushed a little, giggling a little and looking away. "Well, perfect condition except for, well, being Dead. In every way except that, Bill was the picture of health. That meant no Mana was required for the Healing aspect of Revive."


    "Could you have used other healing magics to heal Cadet Driver before Reviving him?"


    "Well, yes, but the Soul migration during the casting time of those Spells usually negates any Mana savings, since any healing must actually correct the damage rather than simply providing Mana to accelerate the Body''s natural healing process. My assumption is that Tabitha completed her overpowered Stabilize before Bill''s Soul left his Body. That''s," she paused, and looked toward Headmaster Miles, "am I allowed to speculate in my testimony?"


    Loki cut in with a smooth, "Defense moves to submit any speculation by Sister Siobhan as a Subject Matter Expert in healing, Reviving, and any related aspects of Body, Soul, and Mana."


    Headmaster Miles pursed his lips, but turned to Doc Roberts, "Doctor Roberts, your opinion on this, please?"


    "She knows more about Souls, Bodies, and Healing than I do. Which is as much a surprise to me as it is to you."


    The Headmaster''s lips quirked at this, but he turned to Hero Velazquez and asked, "Prosecution?"


    "No objections, Headmaster."


    Ten count. "Motion carried. Speculate away, Sister."


    Loki smoothly replied, "Thank you, Headmaster. Go on, Sister."


    "Thank you. That''s another thing I noticed almost as quickly. Bill''s Soul remained co-located with his Body. Well, it had drifted out into the room a bit while I Assessed him and prepared to Revive him, but still. With the exception of the trauma of Death severing it from his Body, his Soul was also in excellent condition. Some of that slow drift and excellent condition is, of course, due to Bill''s strong Personality, but even then his Soul ought to have been left behind in the Practice Yard. It is my considered opinion that Tabitha carried his Soul to the Infirmary along with his Body."


    As mortals near you are so fond of saying, the fuck, Diaz?


    No idea, Boss.


    A gem beyond compare indeed.


    "How is that possible, Sister?"


    She shrugged, "I thought you would know that better than I, Loki. Gods routinely are said to carry the Souls of those faithful to them to their eternal reward."


    Loki''s eyebrows shot up. "Are you implying that Our Tabitha is, in fact, a God?"


    Sister Siobhan paled, shaking her head, even raising her hands in front of her at arm''s length, shaking them as well, "NO! No, no, no, I would never."


    "Then how? Speculate, please. I believe you intend nothing profane in your speculation, nor did I believe you intended any heretical implications in your earlier speculation; I simply desired you to state it for the court."


    Oh, nice save, Boss.


    Dearest Tabitha, do be so kind as to shut up a moment.


    Sister Siobhan settled herself, then speculated as Loki had asked her to. "I can only assume that Tabitha somehow cradled Bill''s Soul with her own, as she cradled his Body so protectively as she carried it. Perhaps she intuitively shaped some facet of her Mana to do so, I can''t be certain. But the results were unmistakable, she delivered Bill''s Soul to the Infirmary along with his Body. That reduced the cost to the pittance to guide his soul from a few yards away at most, and the cost of reconnecting his Soul to his Body. Even the normal smattering of memories from the Soul''s wandering after Death had been minimized between Tabitha''s rapid delivery and preventing the Soul from wandering in the first place."


    She took another huge breath, then looked to me. I kept my gaze front, but couldn''t help but notice her puppy dog eyes from my side. "Then, after doing all that, when I asked the question just for form''s sake, expecting a rejection, she volunteered. Not the slightest trace of hesitation. Even, perhaps, more than a trace of insistence." She shook her head. "Imagine, someone with no knowledge of how my own cost would be mitigated, someone with, I dare say, no knowledge of how her own actions had mitigated the cost, forcing herself into that gap to protect her friend."


    Jeez. She''s kinda creeping me out here, boss. I meant it more than I could express. I felt her gaze on me. It tingled. Like the polar opposite of the shitstorm oscillating back and forth from fingers to shoulder in my left arm.


    Loki cleared his throat, distracting Siobhan.


    Thank god.


    You''re welcome.


    "Sister Siobhan, in your estimation, how long would have you been in a coma after Reviving Cadet Driver."


    "Since Tabitha paid the entire cost, I can only speculate, but I estimate no less than the remainder of the day, likely extending to the following sunrise, possibly to the following sunset. Should Cadet Driver have been delivered in the condition Tabitha originally described, with his Soul left behind in the Yard to drift, no less than a week. Possibly up to a full turn of the Moon if his Soul wandered afar."


    Loki nodded, seemingly satisfied. "Thank you, Sister. Should you ever desire a Boon I am capable of granting, name it and it will be yours. No more questions, Headmaster."


    "Bribery, Defense?"


    "Bribery is done before testimony. This is a simple expression of my deep and abiding gratitude, such as any mortal might make."


    Headmaster Miles glanced to Doc DeLeon, who shrugged. Ten count. "Sister Trease, you are now requested and required to give testimony."


    Mega Bitch tromped over to the chair, glaring at me the entire time. As she passed, she hissed, "reckoning!" just loud enough for me to hear.


    "Sister Trease, please recount to us, as best as you remember them, your part in the events that occurred on Twenty Seventh Coll of this year."


    "I was in my office, preparing my accounting paperwork for the past month, trying to find the money to cover the repairs to her room''s door, since we''d had to repair the Devotional enchantment three times this month alone. Anyhow, I heard her screaming some kind of vulgar profanity in the hallway, followed by a terrible screeching, no doubt her fault as well. I tried to stop her, to figure out what she''d been up to this time, and instead of acting like a proper Lady and answering her House Mother''s questions before proceeding, she attacked me!"


    Ten count. "Is that all?"


    "Oh. You came by, helped me to my feet, and escorted me to the Infirmary to confront her."


    Ooh, I am She Who Must Not Be Named! Fear Me! I have no nose! Rawr!


    Please don''t even joke about that. She might hear you.


    Stifled sigh. Ten count. "Is that all?"


    "Yes, Headmaster."


    "Thank you, Sister. Prosecution."


    The Hero stood, stone faced, and asked, "Were you injured by Cadet Diaz?"


    "Yes! She kicked me here," she pointed to her gut, "and here!" and her shoulder. She rubbed at the shoulder I hadn''t kicked, saying, "I think she might have broken it."


    "No more questions. Thank you, Sister. Your witness."


    Loki stood beside Trease, broad smile on his lips, none in his eyes. "Did you have anyone Assess your injuries?"


    "Uh, I didn''t want to bother the Infirmaries, they have so much to do."


    "But you think your shoulder is broken."


    "She kicked it!"


    "Ah. Headmaster, can we have a Healer cast Assess Health now on Sister Trease, that we might know with certainty the extent of her injuries?"


    "That''s private medical information!"


    Loki didn''t roll his eyes, but I felt him want to. "Headmaster, it is, but it is also pertinent to multiple charges."


    Ten count. "Prosecution?"


    "I have no objection, Headmaster."


    Headmaster Miles nodded, "Sister Siobhan, if you would be so kind?"


    "NOT HER!" Trease shrieked.


    The Headmaster closed his eyes and said, without opening them, "Doctor DeLeon?"


    "Not a Man!"


    I watched Headmaster Miles'' titanium practically vibrating before he took a deep breath and stated, tone brooking no further argument, "Hero Potami, please Assess Sister Trease''s Health."


    Potami rose and moved to stand within arm''s reach of Trease. I swear, had I been Trease, I''d have shat myself just watching her walk toward me, utterly focused on target. She said, "Assess Health", then turned to face Headmaster Miles. "Done, Headmaster."


    Does she need to say the Spell name to cast it?


    I suspect she did so to reassure the good Sister.


    Remind me not to let her reassure me.


    "Your Assessment of Sister Trease''s shoulder?"


    "The shoulder she indicated is completely uninjured, Headmaster."


    "Her abdomen?"


    "Shows signs of being kicked in the last twenty four hours, Headmaster."


    "The extent of the damage?"


    "About what I''d expect from taking a single blow while sparring, Headmaster."


    "Thank you, Hero Potami."


    Potami swiveled and moved back to her seat with maximum efficiency and precision.


    Oh, this will be fun, Loki thought at me while saying, "Thank you, Headmaster." He turned to Trease. "So, Tabitha kicked you in the gut and vaulted from your shoulder when you obstructed her execution of her orders."


    "That little bitch tried to murder me!"


    The Headmaster opened his mouth, but Loki cut him off, "Please, Headmaster, the Sister has brought us to the crux of one of the most serious charges remaining, Attempted Murder. We''ve heard Tabitha''s statement that she did not Intend Murder, but I believe a demonstration would clear things up. In the spirit of Inquiry, may I?"


    The Headmaster inhaled a long breath, let it out, and asked, "Prosecution?"


    "No objection, Headmaster."


    Headmaster Miles nodded and told Loki, "Give us your demonstration then. Please be quick about it."


    "As you wish. I will need some assistance." He turned to the assembled Cadets. "Cadets! I need," he glanced at Trease, "four Cadets to bring me four training dummies, on the double." He turned back to the high table, scanned across it, and scared the shit out of me by saying, "Hero Potami, could you assist us, please?"


    She didn''t reply, just stood and moved around the table to stand before Loki. "Tabitha, come here and lift Hero Potami as you did Cadet Driver." I took one shuffling step toward him. "Oh, and lose the chains." I strode over, chains hitting the ground behind me, pouring Mana into my useless fucking arm, everything from my biceps to my fingertip screaming at me as I did so. By the time I reached the scary little Hero, I''d beaten it into submission enough for it to do its part under her knees as I lifted her into a princess carry. I stared at the Headmaster as I waited for the Cadets to arrive with the equipment.


    Hero Potami held her hands in her lap, pretty much like Bill''s had been. She tilted her head slightly to face me and quietly asked, "Didn''t you say your left arm hurts when you use it?"


    I turned to look her dead in the eye and said, "Yes."


    She didn''t reply to that, but for the tiniest fraction of a second I thought I saw her lips curve in a smile.


    You enjoy tormenting me, don''t you?


    Maybe just a little. It''s one of our commonalities.


    I stared at the Headmaster some more while Loki had the Cadets arrange all four training dummies into a single vaguely water buffalo shaped mass. As he did, he thought at me, When I give the word, destroy this as utterly as you can, as fast as you can.


    Before he finished arranging the target, I thought back. You WILL repair my uniform.


    He barked out a laugh at that, but said, Or replace it?


    Marie worked hard on this, and I don''t intend to stand here half naked for the rest of the trial.


    Oh, no, you must. It''s imperative.


    I took in a deep breath, my left arm twitching and screaming at me the whole time, and thought back. Fine.


    The training dummies set up roughly two pavers from the table, right in front of Trease, Loki pulled me back to roughly three times the distance I''d been when I first saw Trease in the corridor, Hero Velazquez lined up directly behind them, although his chair sat at least half a table length behind.


    "Cadet Diaz, when instructed advance at your best possible pace to the distance where you first saw the Sister standing in the hallway. Understood?"


    "Yes."


    "Advance." I launched myself forward at a dead run, my left arm punishing me with every leaping step. The moment I hit the indicated distance, Loki''s voice filled the Yard. "Kill."


    Mana blades driven by suppressed fury and pain erupted out of every part of my body not covered by the diminutive Hero. I leapt, hunching myself around her and twisting, hitting the massed blockade with our combined weight driving the spinning Mana blades through wood, cloth, and hay with no more resistance than the air around me. I blew through them in a veritable explosion of dummy fragments, some of them bouncing off my back, my head, my legs, and my arms; each impact on my left arm cracking my teeth a little more. I landed in a crouch, then stood smoothly back to the stance I''d started in, staring directly into Hero Velazquez'' wide eyes from no more than a yard away as I pulled my Mana blades back into me. The ones on the outside of my left arm hurt worse than the burns on my right fingers. I ignored them.


    Hero Potami rolled her eyes and quietly said, "Put those away, David."


    Blades I hadn''t deigned to acknowledge slid back into the Prosecutor''s sleeves.


    "Hero Potami, were you in any way injured by that?" asked Loki.


    "No." She then slow blinked, her eyes focused on me when she opened them, and she breathed out a deadpan, "my hero," so quietly I barely heard it, accompanied by another tiny glimpse of a smile.


    "Tabitha, was that faster than your interaction with Sister Trease on the day in question?"


    "Yes."


    Loki said, "Please return to the Defendant''s position, Tabitha." I walked back, each step an agony of fire and lightning in my left arm. "Set the Hero down. If you could be persuaded for one final bit of assistance, Hero Potami, could you reshackle the Defendant?" I set her down, and in seconds she had my shackles on again. I dropped back into Parade Rest, my uniform shredded. Not bloody this time, at least. Splinters everywhere, though.


    I''m sending you my dry cleaning bill.


    Loki didn''t even acknowledge my demand, just sauntered over and said, "Sister Trease, do you still believe Tabitha intended to Murder you?"


    She just sat there gaping, her mouth working, trying to speak for nearly half a minute before she croaked out, "no."


    Loki beamed at her like a favorite student had finally gotten the right answer, "Excellent! Do you believe Tabitha intended to do serious injury to you?"


    She tried to force a ''yes'' out half a dozen times before she choked out, "no."


    He smiled more, praising her without words before finally asking, "Should you get out of her way when she asks you to?"


    I didn''t move, didn''t let my expression change one iota as I savored the, "yes," that immediately ripped itself out of the pits of her terrified soul.


    "Thank you, Sister. No more questions, Headmaster."


    No pause, "I fail to see how that last question relates to any of the charges before the Court today."


    Loki bowed, a full courtly thing, as he said, "My sincerest apologies, Headmaster. I failed to note that question was intended purely to sate my own rampant curiosity regarding the matter. Mea culpa, mea cura."


    The Headmaster just paused. Quiz time, to see who in the class is paying attention, how long did he pause for? The man didn''t just have a titanium soul, he had a clockwork titanium soul.


    At second nine, Loki asked, "A moment, Headmaster?"


    "You have further questions for Sister Trease?" She froze, shuddering, where she''d been waddling her way back to her seat.


    "No, Headmaster. Unless I misremember, the next twenty five witnesses and testimonies are from the twenty five Senior Cadets accompanying Hero Potami during the events in question?"


    "The Representative of the Defendant remembers correctly."


    "While they are no doubt entitled to their time in the Witness'' chair, and with all due regard for their own observational Skills, I find it exceedingly unlikely that any of them noticed any pertinent detail Hero Potami did not. If it pleases the Court and the Prosecutor does not object, may I question them en masse to save the Court''s valuable time?"


    Headmaster Miles simply asked, "Prosecution?"


    "No objections, Headmaster."


    "Carry on, Defense."


    Loki walked behind me and called out, "Cadets involved in the events yesterday with Hero Potami, please rise."


    A bunch of people shuffled to their feet behind me.


    "Cadets, do any of you have any disagreements or additions to Hero Potami''s testimony?"


    "No, Sir!" twenty odd voices called out.


    They call me Sir.


    They''re idiots.


    "Cadets, do any of you feel in any way disrespected by Tabitha''s actions yesterday?"


    "No, Sir!" Potami''s squad called out again, this time all damn near in unison.


    "Thank you, Cadets! No more questions. Your witnesses."


    Loki positively flounced back to his chair. Hero Velazquez trudged over to stand next to the Witness'' chair and called out, "Cadets, were any of you," he stopped, bit back a sigh, and started again, "Cadets, will any of you admit to being injured in any way related to Cadet Diaz'' actions on the day in question?"


    "No, Sir!" the Cadets all chorused.


    Velazquez just nodded, turned to the Headmaster, and said, "Prosecution moves to dismiss all charges of Disrespect of a Senior Cadet."


    "Defense?"


    "No objection, Headmaster."


    "So be it. All charges of Disrespect of a Senior Cadet are hereby dismissed."


    "Thank you Cadets. No further questions, Headmaster."


    Ten count, followed by "You may be seated, Cadets." Another pause, then, "Prosecution, will you call any other witnesses?"


    "Yes."


    "Whom do you call to give testimony?"


    "Headmaster Miles, you are now requested and required to give testimony."


    The Headmaster nodded, stood, and made his way around the table to the Witness'' seat. The moment he sat, Velazquez said, "Headmaster Miles, please recount to us, as best as you remember them, your part in the events that occurred on Twenty Seventh Coll of this year."


    The Headmaster chuckled slightly, then after a mere two count said, "I was speaking with Hero Potami and the Senior Cadets regarding their upcoming ride along. I heard someone shouting something behind me. Before I could turn to see what was happening, someone knocked me down. I''m not sure, but I think I tumbled a bit. I''m fairly certain whoever it was stepped on me. By the time the Cadets helped me back to my feet, the perpetrator had vanished around the corner. I followed, delayed slightly by the, in hindsight, meaningless gesture of pulling out and activating my token to pass through the Filtration Ward on the Ladies'' Dormitory, then followed the sound of continued screaming to the Infirmary. I confronted Cadet Diaz, as it appeared she was the one who had knocked me down, and informed her there would be an Inquiry today. She protested, citing her Devotional day, and I informed her that Inquiries and Courts Martial and Law had priority over Devotions. Her Patron informed us that he could, but chose not to, overrule me."


    He paused for half a beat, then added, "This morning he insisted we hold a full Court Martial instead of an Inquiry."


    Hero Velazquez paused for a count other than ten, then asked, "Is that all?"


    "Yes, Prosecutor."


    "One question. Did Cadet Diaz, in fact, knock you to the floor and step on you?"


    Headmaster Miles'' voice never lost its calm when he replied, "It appears she did so, yes."


    "You have doubts?"


    "No."


    "Thank you, Headmaster. Your witness."


    Loki stood, nodded respectfully to the Headmaster, and asked, "Which is more important, your dignity or the life of a Cadet?"


    Credit where it''s due, no ten count, just an immediate reply of, "The life of a Cadet."


    Loki continued with, "would you accept injury to safeguard the life of a Cadet?"


    Again, no delay. "Yes, absolutely."


    "Mortal injury?"


    This time Miles did pause, his head bowing before he straightened it and answered, "I don''t know. I hope I never have need to find out."


    Loki leaned in, almost conspiratorially, but his voice still filling the Yard as he stage-whispered, "should you have made a fucking hole?"


    Then Headmaster Miles shocked me, and possibly the entire crowd. He laughed, barely managing to squeeze out the word, "Probably." After a few seconds more getting his chuckles under control, he added, "Yes, in hindsight I should have."


    Loki paused a tick, then asked, "Do you feel that Tabitha disrespected you, especially given that based on her testimony, she didn''t even recognize you?"


    "I''m torn, frankly. Her treatment of me was disrespectful, but as you noted, she didn''t recognize me, so she had no intent to do so."


    "Thank you, Headmaster. No further questions."


    Headmaster Miles returned to his seat, turned to Loki, and asked, "Defense, will you call any other witnesses?"


    "I''d considered calling Maid Marie, but there''s no need at this time."


    "So be it. With all witnesses called, we will move on to closing arguments. Prosecutor?"


    The Hero looked to Loki and asked, "Would you prefer to close first?"


    Loki shook his head and waved his hand as if giving Hero Velazquez leave to proceed.


    The Mountain who chose to be a Hero walked to the center of the table and turned to face it. "Headmaster, Faculty, Staff, Honored Guests, based on the testimony we''ve heard today, it is clear that Cadet Diaz destroyed all of the school property as charged. She clearly assaulted the persons of Headmaster Miles, Sister Trease, and Sister Siobhan, and could have caused grievous injury or death to Sister Trease. She did not respect the gravitas of Hero Potami nor the gravitas or persons of Headmaster Miles or Sister Trease. She is clearly guilty of all of these charges, and should face appropriate consequences."


    He raked his gaze across the table again, then finished with, "Prosecution rests. The floor is yours, Defense," and returned to his seat.


    Loki sprang out of his seat, strutted over to the spot the Hero had just vacated, and his words fired out with pounding rhythm, mesmerizing syncopation, and blinding speed that brooked no interruption, my brain hearing the high hat and eight oh eight without any mental mumbo jumbo from Loki. "Prosecution didn''t mention Interfering with a Healer''s Duties, Defense Moves to Dismiss. Defendant had no intention to disrespect, Potami felt no disrespect, Move to Dismiss. If Defendant meant to kill, Trease would be dead. Same with Grievous, shoved her instead, Move to Dismiss. Defendant didn''t hit Siobhan, collision isn''t Assault, come on, the Defense Moves to Dismiss. Headmaster should have dove, Trease should have moved, collision isn''t Assault, the Defense moves to Dismiss. Property breaks, Plea Sole Consequence to fix it, Disrespect? Sole Consequence sorry to nix it. That covers all the charges that weren''t previously Dismissed. Tell me, is there anything I''ve Missed?"


    I caught myself grooving, rocking my hips back and forth, even shifting my shoulders, and my fucking left shoulder didn''t fucking complain about it. I froze back in Parade Rest; my arm still screaming at me as my bones burned, but my shoulder just grumbled about my rigidity. I didn''t have to worry too much about anyone noticing. The entire table stared at Loki, half of them with mouths hanging open. DuBois'' head tilted at an angle like the RCA dog on the old factory. One that kinda blew my mind, proving without a doubt that she had a soul, Potami stopped drumming her fingers on the edge of the table just as I got back into Parade Rest. She mouthed the word ''nice'' and shot Loki a Tiny Potami Grin Of Approval.


    Loki''s entire summation had taken less time than one of Headmaster Miles'' ten counts.


    "Defense Rests. Does the Prosecution object to my Motions or accept my Pleas?"


    I glanced at Velazquez with nothing but my eyes. He paged through his stack of charge papers as quickly as he''d reviewed them at first. After about a minute of everyone but him staring at Loki the Prosecutor shook his head, heaved a sigh, and said, "Prosecution does not object to any motions to dismiss. Prosecution accepts the Sole Consequence Pleas regarding the Disrespect charges, but the apologies must be in writing, and are subject to approval by both the injured parties and," he paused, glancing back and forth across the table, "Marshall duBois, with Doctor DeLeon arbitrating any disagreement. Prosecution accepts the Sole Consequence Pleas regarding the Destruction of Property charges, with the caveat that the Defendant will be overseen by a competent repair person or enchanter, and the repairs completed to those individuals'' satisfaction." He then turned to Loki, "and no, you didn''t miss any of them."


    "Defense agrees to all Prosecutions modifications to Defense''s Pleas."


    Headmaster Miles blinked once, twice, then said, "So be it. All charges save Destruction of Property and the two remaining Disrespect charges are dismissed, the Court accepts the Plea agreements as stated."


    He paused, this time for less than his customary ten count, and said, "Cadet Diaz, I expect you to submit your Letters of Apology no later than Dinner tomorrow, or you will be confined to quarters until they are ready for submission. You will remain available on Tuesdays and Fridays until all the Property Damage is repaired; this means no leaving the Academy unless you do so in the company of your repair overseer, and then only to acquire any needed supplies, which you will acquire at your own cost." He paused again, this time tilting his head and looking back and forth as if reviewing things in his head, and after a few seconds shrugged, smiled, and said, "Faculty, Staff, and Honored Guests, thank you for your time. This Court Martial is hereby adjourned."


    Everything just kind of broke up after that. A few Cadets cheered, some of them started trying to recreate Loki''s closing statement, but most of them just looked at the sun, just now reaching its zenith, and headed for the Dining Hall. I limped a few steps toward Loki before he stepped over and lifted my left arm, placing my forearm on his extended right elbow. Everywhere he touched, while he touched it, my arm stopped being made of shattering glass and acid. Don''t get me wrong, it still hurt, but it was ''I need some ibuprofen, some liquor, some weed, and a nap'' hurt, not ''I need a bone saw'' hurt.


    Loki led me down to lunch, and none of the gobbos batted an eye when he sat down and ate with us, despite having just seen him up in the Yard. Okay, Raven sketched him, but she did that with damn near everything that caught her eye. After lunch, he walked me back to my room. I collapsed onto the bed, got reminded of what I''d demanded of Loki, climbed back to my feet and stripped, holding the shreds of my nice uniform out to him. That''s when I noticed him staring, frozen, at my personal shrine.


    "Tabitha?"


    "Yes, Loki?"


    "Where did you find these?"


    I shrugged. "Bottom of the river."


    "Ah. Yes. Of course." He finally turned to face me and saw me standing there naked holding out my shredded uniform. He rolled his eyes, taking the scraps as he turned away.


    "Aw. Don''t like the view?"


    "Tabitha." The warning note in his voice filled the room.


    "Yes, Loki?"


    "Flirt. Bad. Wife. Yes?"


    I crowed deep inside myself. Monosyllabic, yes! Point to Tabitha!, but replied with, "Flirting is bad, unless it''s with your wife, then it''s a yes. Got it."


    He muttered, "That I would pay good Glory to see," but before I could respond to that, he reached up with one hand and flicked my forehead. "Enough." He motioned to the shrine again. "You offer these to me freely?"


    I shied back from him, hamming it up as I said, "You''re not gonna kill me to power some freaky god-spell, right?"


    He just laughed at that and said, "Get dressed, Tabitha Diaz. You and I need to go shopping for some stationary, masonry supplies, and enchanting supplies, and I suspect you''d rather not do that naked, even if you would do it to see me flabbergasted." I turned to my armoire, but he lay a hand on my left elbow, dimming the pain again as he said, "You freely give these objects of power you have placed on your Altar to me?"


    I glanced at him and said, "I''ll share them with you. If you need them for something, they''re yours to use. If I need them before you do, I''ll use them. Not that I expect to. But until then they stay where they are," I paused in thought for a moment, looking back at my armoire, "although I guess if you want to borrow them to show them off to someone, that''s cool too. But other than that, they do make really cool decorations for," I gave him the old smoky glance, "your Altar, don''t they?"


    He just laughed at me, that little boy in a sweet shop laugh he did so well. Light flared, filling the room, and he handed me my uniform, sans damage. "Get dressed, Tabitha Diaz."


    What was I supposed to do? I got dressed so we could go shopping for school supplies.

 Day Sixty

    Dear Diary,


    After Sunday''s disaster and Monday''s torment, the rest of the week has been pretty sedate in comparison.


    Monday night pain gave me a replay of Sunday night''s dream. Pain, tearing me apart as I lay dead. Voices outside my box, arguing. Screams. Metal on metal, falling forever until I hit the water, falling until my box lodged itself into the riverbed. Dead and still dying forever, pain tearing at me, a sliver of light mocking me as I lay dead in a box. I woke, screaming, alone in my room. It took me a few hours, but I managed to get back to sleep. Only to dream of lying in a box at the bottom of the river, agonizing pain killing me forever.


    Didn''t wake up until Marie knocked on my door, though. I stumbled over and opened it with my right hand, every step causing the bones in my left to melt and shatter. I stood there, trying to keep myself in some kind of condition to be civil. Marie stepped into the room, one hand gently caressing me from the top of my pointy ear to my chin as she stepped over to my pile of laundry. I don''t mean she ran her finger across my cheek. I mean, she did, but only after palming my whole damn head like a basketball. She lifted yesterday''s uniform from the floor with a frown, eyes going wide as she took in the complete lack of destruction that had been there yesterday when I left the Yard.


    She looked at me, eyes still wider than a humans ought to go. "How?"


    I shrugged, the move vibrating the bones in my left arm to dust. "Loki."


    She held it up, piece by piece, checking it over. Eventually she said, "Nice," and lay it across my personal Shrine.


    "Hey, I don''t want to give that one up! It''s really nice, and you," I stuttered a bit, "you made it for me."


    She lay a finger over my lips and said, "Today." then stepped back to the door. She turned her head around like an owl and asked, "Bath?"


    Not sure if I said ''yes'' because I was anticipating one of her massages, terrified of her treatment of my arm yesterday, or vice versa, but I said it.


    I chowed down at breakfast, As well as I could with one hand, anyhow. More sausages than usual, because I can one hand those easier. Couldn''t nom nearly as many spicy eggs.


    Remedial Mana Shaping? Downright hilarious. Painful, but hilarious. Doc had a desk with a built in support for my left arm all ready for me. I didn''t have the heart to tell them it hurt more lying in the support. It didn''t hurt much more, so I left it there while I demonstrated Mana Blade for them, testing it out on a whole duffel bag worth of stuff they''d brought to class for that purpose.


    The only thing it couldn''t cut? My Special Needs Mana Bubble, of all the wacky assed things. So, not an unstoppable weapon, but a pretty good one for what it''s worth.


    In the afternoon Loki helped me write my letters of apology. I wasn''t sure if ''confined to quarters'' meant ''no nighttime playtime for Tabitha and Saffron'', but I sure as hell didn''t want to chance it, so I buckled down and wrote. He didn''t actually show up, but he answered all my questions. If these letters earn any Glory for anyone, he deserves the lion''s share of it.


    I wrote them in English. As Loki explained when I delivered them to Headmaster Miles, no language had been specified, and English is the only language I''m completely fluent in writing.


    "To his Honor, Headmaster Miles of Phileo City Heroic Academy.


    I wholeheartedly apologize for any disrespect I visited upon your person this past Twenty-Seven Coll. While the nature of the incident left my judgment, questionable at the best of times, patently insufficient for polite interaction with anyone, let alone yourself, that only explains my disrespect, it does not excuse it. I did not intend to disrespect you, good intentions do not reverse poor decisions. My actions in the hallway were disrespectful in the extreme, and again, I apologize for them, and hope you may at some point find I have earned your forgiveness for my rash actions.


    Sincerely, First Year Cadet Tabitha Diaz of Phileo City Heroic Academy."


    "Trease,


    I''m sorry I kicked you twice. I''ll promise I''ll try really hard not to kick you again.


    Tabitha."


    So, mission accomplished? I mean, each of them need to find a translator now, and then they''d need to accept or reject my letters, but I''d met the Headmaster''s deadline of ''before Dinner'' today, so, go me. I even sounded all polite and polished in my letter to the Headmaster. I can avoid being a total trash human being, see? I mean, when Loki rams his metaphoric hand up my metaphoric ass and works my metaphoric mouth like a puppet, but still. Baby steps, right?


    Anyway, dinner wasn''t great. but I looked forward to having Saffron over tonight. I mean, I really hoped she hadn''t decided to dump my sorry ass as a precaution after me being Court Martialed.


    I really hoped she hadn''t decided to dump my significantly sorrier ass because I''d made the ''fucking'' part of ''fucking Infirmary'' literal with Marie during my attempted Suicide by Sparagmos yesterday. Shit. I didn''t know if she even knew about yesterday. I hoped she didn''t know about yesterday. After only a moment''s consideration, I realized I hoped she did know, because that way I didn''t have to tell her. Because she deserved to know, so if she didn''t, I had to tell her.


    Shit.


    She must have realized something was off, because the moment the Maids kicked us out, she came around the table and took my hands, her touch feather light on my left. I still crunched my teeth to keep myself from screaming, but the thought counted a lot. She looked down at my hands, one with a brand new scar striped across the fingers, one apparently fine, but shivering faintly from pain. "Do... do you want me to stay with you tonight?"


    I couldn''t help myself, I leaned toward her until our foreheads met. "Please. Please, I get you might not want to, and I''m not gonna force you or beg you or anything but... Shit. I totally am gonna beg. Please?"


    She got a mischievous look in her eyes and whispered just loud enough for me to hear, "Please what?"


    I looked at my feet. "Please stay with me tonight?"


    That just fanned the fires, she leaned in and whispered, "I''m sorry, who were you talking to again?"


    I''m an idiot, because it took me this long to realize what game she wanted to play. I mean, the venue surprised me a little, but fuckit, I''m totally game for Extra Super Mega Over The Top PDA. In my best falsetto, I declaimed, "Oh, my dear sweet Saffie-kins, will you please bless me with your company tonight?"


    That got her. She snorted out a laugh, then slid one hand up the back of my head and took a firm grip, using it to pull my head to her shoulder, to pull my ear to her throat. I''m sure no one else heard her, but I couldn''t miss it when she growled, "What''s. My. Name." paused for half a tick and finished, "Tabitha?"


    I mean, she damn near finished Tabitha right then and there. To quote one of the great love poems of our time, ''My chick do things your chick wish she could.''


    But I''ve proven again and again I will never fail to have an insufficient amount of stupid for anything. I shook my head as much as I could, ignoring the pull on my hair and the subsequent increase in naughty impulses, and kept up my falsetto long enough to say, "Oh, no! I''m Tabitha. You''re," I dropped the falsetto and breathed, "Saffron," into her shoulder.


    I swear to god she melted right there, her arms snaking around me, hugging me to her until I put my arms around her; bent over like this I had the perfect access to get a hand on the back of each her thighs and lift her up, sliding my right arm under her ass for her to sit on, returning her hug with my left.


    "Doesn''t that hurt?"


    "Oh, fuck yeah."


    "Then... why?"


    "It''d hurt worse to let you go."


    She just nuzzled into my neck in turn and said, "Yes, Tabitha Diaz, I will gladly spend this and any other night I can with you, if you''ll have me."


    Good enough for me. I started for the Dorm, ignoring my arm''s screaming complaints about lava shattering my bones. As I walked, I said, "Aren''t you the smart one of us?"


    "Obviously."


    "Then how is it you haven''t noticed the whole pattern of me having you on every possible occasion. ''If'' I''ll have you. Like there''s a question at this point."


    She giggled a little. "I mean, I tell you no all the time in the morning."


    "Yeah, but we were talking about whether I''d tell you no."


    "I''m sure there''s something you''d tell me no about."


    I shrugged, my right shoulder grumbling about it. "Can''t think of one, haven''t thought of one yet. Just don''t see it happening."


    I am such a dumb bitch. Heroes, Lords, Mages, Gods, Primordials, the real ruler of the multiverse is Murphy, and I''d just cockslapped his dog.


    We got to my room, and actually took our time with hijinks. Some of it was her being hyper-considerate of my useless painful fucked up arm, some of it was me trying to think of a way to work my infidelity into the conversation before we got too involved for me to back out. I surprised myself by really enjoying us taking our time, talking through every little thing. I mean, Consent is important, and Enthusiastic Consent can cause Global Panty Obliteration, but apparently quiet, constant negotiation of Consent is a constantly building slow burn. Me likey.


    Me am also Dumb Bitch.


    Marie knocked on the door.


    About thirty seconds after the last bits of fabric on either of us hit the floor.


    Saffron did an incredible spontaneous deer-in-headlights impression. I facepalmed, deliberately using my left hand for maximum self-flagellation, then rolled out of bed and went to the door. Saffron squeaked and yoinked my top blanket around herself, doing a remarkable instant shapeshift from Nekkid Saffron to Blanket Dumpling Saffron. Stupid cute, but I couldn''t bring myself to keep looking as I pulled the door open and let Marie in, loaded Cart and all. Marie pushed the door closed behind her, then set about clearing some space on the floor.


    "Oh. Duh. Why didn''t you tell me, Goof?" Saffron unclenched her grip on the blanket; she kept it wrapped around her, but the bit that she''d pulled over her head slipped back so now she became Blanket Mumu Saffron. Not nearly as cute.


    I clenched my left fist, hissing as I did, and Saffron twigged immediately to my upset. "Did. Do you..."


    I held up my left hand, asking her to wait, pleading with her to let me speak, begging her to stay without a word. I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders, forced myself to look straight into Saffron''s eyes, and confessed, "Yesterday, in the Infirmary, while I was getting ready for my Court Martial," I took another deep breath, cursing myself for being too much of a bitch to just spit it out, "Marie and I had sex."


    Saffron blinked at that, losing her grip on the blanket completely, becoming Blanket Omurice Saffron. Emotions flashed across her face, through her eyes, one after another. Surprise. Shock. Disbelief. Confusion. Anger, or maybe Frustration. They blended seamlessly in an emotional alchemy I''d had a lifetime to watch, ending up with a perfect ''what the fuck, Diaz'' stare.


    Her first words upon my confession of infidelity? "I thought you were joking about fucking in the Infirmary. Did you two actually get Sister Siobhan to join in?"


    I shook my head, clutching my left fist. "Saffron, I''m serious."


    She pulled back a little at that, confusion melting into hurt. "Oh. Oh. Did, did you want me to go?"


    "No!" I dove toward her, my knees hitting the floor next to the bed, my face hitting the piled blankets near her feet. "No, no, no, no, no, I don''t want you to go! I get that you want to, and I won''t make you stay, but I don''t want you to, and I knew you would when I told you, so I didn''t want to, but I feel bad keeping things from you, so I had to tell you, but I couldn''t figure out how to tell you, and..." I wound down as sobs shook her.


    Then a deep, rich laugh burbled out of her. "You goof. You enormous fucking goof. Yeah, I''m mad at you. Sort of," she huffed at me, "although it''s really irrational. It''s not like you could get permission to come visit me in my cell. Even if you could, I''m supposed to be communing with my Patron, and demonstrating appropriate Devotions to my daughter. I mean, if my Patron were Aphrodite, or Eros, or, I dunno, Loki," A sudden look of horrified comprehension crossed her face. "Was this some kind of Devotional thing?"


    "No! I''m..." But she cut me off, speculation steamrolling over my attempted apology.


    "I mean, don''t take this as a complaint or an accusation, but you''re pretty lusty, I''m not super surprised you decided to take a concubine..."


    "She''s not my concubine!"


    Up to this point, Marie had been folding up our dirty clothes, packing them away in her cart, but the moment I said that, she jumped as if I''d slapped her, twisting around to look up at me while on one knee facing her cart. "No?"


    Her single word conveyed so much hurt and betrayal that I winced and blurted out, "You want that?"


    At almost the same time Saffron narrowed her eyes and asked, "Since I can''t see you using someone and discarding them, you''re telling me you want to take another lover?"


    "No!" I saw Marie''s wince. "Yes!" Saffron frowned, and I faceplanted into the blanket and just screamed. By the second lungful of air I was crying and screaming, "I''m sorry, I''m sorry, I''m sorry," over and over again into the blanket. I''d fucked everything up in one moment of self-destructive self-hatred, and I absolutely deserved to lose everything.


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    Saffron''s hand settled atop my head, a single, calm, "stop." freezing me in place, trying to stop my stupid sobbing.


    Her voice preternaturally calm, she asked, "Does she know?" I shook my head. "May I tell her?" I nodded, still trying to stop my fucking sniffling. Because I am The Dumbest Bitch Ever (Trademark Pending), I clenched my left fist and beat it against the blanket, forcing more whining sobs out of me.


    Marie purred. Saffron''s hand shook a little. She said, "Marie, I will tell you something, but it is a secret dear to Tabitha. Will you keep it?"


    A single word, "Yes." interrupted Marie''s purring briefly. How the fuck do both Marie and Saffron purr? Is it a fucking Bag thing? Probably a Bag fucking thing. I tried to keep myself focused on Saffron as she quickly explained my origin to Marie.


    "You see why it''s important for us to keep that secret for her?"


    "No."


    Saffron sighed, "but you will keep it a secret?"


    Marie repeated, slowly and carefully, the way you do when you''re talking to an idiot, drawing the word out to a full three syllables, "Yes."


    "Good enough, I suppose. Tabitha, what are the accepted norms for relationships where you''re from?"


    I pushed myself up with my left hand, cringing as I did. Marie shuffled a little closer, still on her knees, as she slid her cart closed. "You mean for the rich and powerful, or, y''know, us?"


    Saffron sighed, ran her hand down from my hair along one side of my face while she rubbed her temples with the other one. Without moving either, she said, "Tabitha, you realize you and I are on the fast track to being rich and powerful, yes? I mean, powerful, which can easily become rich. Or dead, but then we won''t care."


    "You should."


    She caught my meaning immediately, because she has a vastly better brain than mine, and she actually uses hers on occasion, unlike your girl Tabitha. "Fine. I hereby name you Isnomi''s Godmother. If I predecease you, please care for her as I would."


    "What the fuck, Aetos?"


    She quirked her lips, "Do you think a poor single mother has hordes of admirers and friends clamoring to be her child''s Godparent?"


    I snorted. "Figured you''d get her a Fairy Godmother or something."


    She shrugged. "I considered it, but as you noted, I''m poor. I''ve got nothing to bargain with. She''d wind up a slave in all but name, and I won''t have that for her. Better for her to grow up with Grandma than that."


    "Okay, we''re kinda getting off track here. How do you get from me cheating on you to you making me Isnomi''s Godmother?"


    "You''re the one who brought up me dying and leaving her alone."


    "Yeah, but I''m about as maternal as a cheese grater."


    She rolled her eyes, then took me by the shoulders and shook me a little. "Maybe, maybe, but the other half of the whole ''Godmother'' thing would be the whole ''not dying'' part. Tabitha, you powered a Revive, solo, and only lost an arm. I mean, hell, it''s still there and you can move it. Force it to channel Mana even. If I did that you''d be burying me right now." She looked at her hands, bore down on my left shoulder, and raised an eyebrow at my complete lack of scream. "Wait. You lied about your fucking arm?"


    "NO!"


    She huffed, "Okay, you lied about your shoulder, then?"


    "No! It just stopped hurting so much somewhere in the middle of the trial."


    "It what?" The question came out utterly flat, as if she couldn''t wrap her brain around the idea.


    "I dunno. You''re the smart one. I''m the thug too stupid to know when I''m supposed to die."


    She pulled me close, planting a kiss on my forehead before leaning back, pulling my head down to rest on her boobs. "You absolute goof. You have no idea how special you are, do you?"


    "Oh yeah, look at Tabitha, indestructible slut wimfff" I''d intended to say ''with the microscopic brain'', but she silenced me by rotating my face into her cleavage.


    "Look, would polygamy be normal for you back there?"


    I shook my head.


    "Monogamy?"


    I nodded.


    "Concubines?"


    Shake.


    "Infidelity?"


    I shrugged, and she pulled my head back to clear my mouth. "Explain."


    "I mean, guys cheat. Like, I know in theory not all of them, but every girl I know with a kid is a single mom. A couple have baby daddies that help out with money. One even has one who does real Dad things. But the relationship, even there, is all around the kid."


    "So, infidelity ends relationships, but it''s ubiquitous?"


    "Ubi-what?"


    She clutched my hair, and Marie shuffled a little closer. "Tabitha, I''ve heard you use that word. Correctly. Just because I am more intelligent than you does not mean you are stupid. Stop it, I''m not in the mood for it."


    "Yes, Saffron." She smiled down at me, ruffling my hair.


    "Goof."


    "Still dumb enough to cheat on you."


    "When?"


    I just goggled at her, then pulled away enough to throw both arms at Marie in a Will Smith ''look at this!''


    "Did we agree not to take concubines? Hell, did we even agree not to take other lovers?" She half turned from me and muttered, "I kinda thought you would eventually, really."


    I cupped her cheeks in my palms, forcing her to look me in the eyes. "I am not leaving you unless you drive me away. And we both know you can''t lay out enough hurt to do that."


    She flicked my nose, "don''t tempt me." Then she paused, eyes slowly panning to take in Marie, then back to me. "Never mind. I agree with your assessment. Now, what I meant was that complete satisfaction with our current arrangement aside, you''re starving when I could eat."


    "You like the food?"


    She rolled her eyes. "Does everyone smell like you there?"


    "No. I didn''t. That''s pure Isekai me."


    "It still boggles my mind how you casually throw Japanese phrases into conversation."


    "Anime''s ubiquitous and amusing."


    "Anyway, before Marie starts humping your leg, this turns into an orgy, and you go attempt assisted self-flagellation by, I don''t know, headbutting Zeus in the balls or something, we have a conversation of some urgency to finish."


    "Urgency?"


    "Marie is about to start dry humping your leg, at least one of the blankets I''m sitting on needs to be washed, and you''re... you."


    I blinked at that, but closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and put on my (entirely metaphoric in this instance) Big Girl Panties.


    "So how do you want to handle this?"


    "The selfish irrational part of me wants you all to myself, but food goes to waste if there''s too much for one person to eat, so we shan''t be doing that, because while I don''t mind being a little selfish, I hate being irrational."


    "And you say I''m hard on myself."


    She clucked her tongue and said, "It''s a huge... what''s that hilarious phrase you used? Beaver dam?"


    "How the fuck did I ever get in your pants then?"


    "You''re random and goofy, not irrational. And being more rational than someone slightly less smart than me is kind of my thing."


    "Like, you do it a lot thing, or it makes you want to get done a lot thing."


    She grinned that evil grin that I loved so much. "Shut up, you, we were conversating about something else entirely."


    "Not entirely."


    "Granted. Now. I''d be more comfortable with you taking a concubine than a lover."


    "Gotta ask. Why?"


    She sighed, then sat up straight, emphasizing her petiteitutde. "I''m a tiny brilliant woman in a society that wants women to be brood mares or huntresses, not philosophers. I literally cannot compete on a level playing field, so it is well outside my comfort zone."


    "So no lovers. Got it."


    "I didn''t say that. I made my preference clear. I would leave my comfort zone for you if you needed it." She stopped, sighed, and quietly said, "Or if you wanted it."


    I looked at the floor, unable to meet her eyes as I said, "I don''t know if I could do that for you. I mean, I didn''t even go looking, it just kinda happened."


    "Which is a clear indication that you need something. Are you satisfied with just those in this room?"


    I threw my hands up in the air. Twitch, grimace, purr, shuffle. "Both of you just kind of happened!"


    She huffed again. "I hate it when you use things like evidence and logic against me. I mean, since we''re both trying to be at our most honest, I hate it when you do it and win. So how about this. Should anything just happen with anyone not in this room right now, you will tell me about it as soon as we have privacy, and we will decide how to proceed from there. You will not, under any circumstances, punish yourself for it." Then she booped my fucking nose and said, "That''s my job." Marie growled and Saffron added, "Oh, hush, you. You know Tabitha well enough. We''ll both likely have more punishment than we can handle. We''ll need to get a third just to handle the overflow."


    I tried to reply, but before I could Marie dropped a, "Fair," hard enough to pin my jaw to the floor.


    I gabbled out something vaguely resembling, "you''re okay with me cheating on you? The fuck?"


    "Tabitha, you keep using that word, but I don''t think it means what you think it means."


    I ignored the moment of synchronicity and said, "Huh?"


    "We are from radically different cultures. We were operating on two completely different sets of rules, which means we might as well haven''t had any. Without rules, there is no rule breaking. Without rules, you cannot cheat. If you obey the rules, you aren''t cheating. Are you going to tell me?"


    "I mean, if that''s what you want, sure."


    "Are you going to try punishing yourself?"


    I paused, trying to keep up my honesty. "I''ll try not to?"


    She huffed, then folded her arms under her breasts, half looking away from me to say, "We''ll sort that out as it occurs then, so long as you make a good faith effort. But be warned, we are not getting into an endless cycle of self-flagellation, flagellation, orgasms, and more self-flagellation. I have classes to study for."


    I snorted. "You reminded me of Hero Potami there for a second."


    She beamed at me, "and you go and say something sweet when I''m trying not to pounce on you right now. Goofy Bitch." She shook her head as if to clear it and said, "In the excessively unlikely event that anything ''happens'' with either of us and someone else, we''ll do the same."


    "Hey! You''re both pretty fuckin'' hot! It could happen!"


    She rolled her eyes and shook her head, "flattery aside, hotness isn''t the issue. We both have two things you lack. Standards and self-control."


    Before I could say anything, Marie shut me up with, "True."


    "Now, if any of us is considering taking another lover, or a concubine, or getting married, or, let''s just say ''any other intimate relationship of any nature or duration'', we will meet in private and discuss it, as well as any rules changes it might require." She paused, thinking a moment before saying, "That''s about it. Marie, can you live by those rules?"


    "As?"


    "Concubine."


    She growled, "Yes," and purred at the same time. Crazy freak that I am, it ground my gears a little.


    "Excellent. Obviously, as I''m the one suggesting all these rules," here she dropped into the perfect overworked housewife routine, "doing all the work, slaving over hot rules until my brain is wrinkled, all the time, with no one appreciating me."


    I interrupted her, "I''ll appreciate you. Right here, right now. Appreciating Saffron is what I do best!"


    "No, that would be ''not dying'', apparently." I frowned, shooting her puppy dog eyes, and she conceded, "there, there, dear Tabitha. I am thoroughly satisfied with your appreciation as a general rule, even if right now you''re torturing me by not focusing on your answer."


    I''m smart, I''m pretty, people like me, and I''m smart. That''s why I said, "Uh, about what?"


    "Can you follow those rules?"


    I shrugged, "Seems like a whole lot of legal mumbo jumbo to me."


    "That''s what rules are, sweetie. Can you follow them?"


    "I''ll try really hard?"


    "Fine. Final rule. If you break a rule, you come to me and tell me in private, and we''ll decide what to do about it between the three of us. Which will probably, at some point, involve us using our monetized Herodom to hire a professional dominatrix or something."


    "No."


    "Even you tire eventually. Which has more endurance, your limbs or darling Tabitha''s stupid?"


    "Fair."


    "Hey!"


    Saffron just broke down laughing, and I couldn''t help it, some of the tension and guilt flowed out with my own laughter. Even Marie chuckle-purred a little.


    When we''d gone still, she sat up on the bed, a single blanket draped around her, Blanket Saffron Croquette, and leaned against the wall. "Now, you''re the one who wanted a bath. I''m assuming that''s what you were doing yesterday when it happened?"


    "Yeah."


    She grinned that sphincter-puckering, panty disintegrating grin of hers and said, "So. Show me. So I know how much vengeance I must mete out upon your poor indestructible body."


    I went and sat in the tub. Marie pulled open her cart, extracting her bathing kit before turning to me with the first kettle of near scalding water.


    Saffron interrupted almost immediately, "No. Completely unfair. We''re both naked. You strip too."


    Before Marie could do more than raise a hand to her top button, I said, "No."


    Saffron blinked, "Okay. I didn''t expect a Maid kink, but if that''s what you''re into," she shrugged.


    "No. It''s not that."


    "Okay. What is it."


    Things snapped into place. "It''s the same thing as the concubine thing. Maybe the word isn''t quite the same. Where I''m from, concubines are servants. They obey. They can''t say no."


    "No, no, that''s pretty much the same here."


    "That''s my objection then, to the whole concubine thing. Consent is important. If someone isn''t allowed to say ''no'', ''yes'' doesn''t matter."


    Saffron nodded, "That tracks. I''m assuming you didn''t just force Marie, since that would be rather worse."


    "Yeeaahhh. My sterling moral character is why I didn''t physically force Marie to sate my rapacious desires."


    That got them both. Everything went on pause for the second it took Marie and the ten it took Saffron to stop laughing. "Okay, you''re doing the brain work here, oddly enough. Explain."


    "I didn''t. I won''t. I refuse to tell Marie to do anything of a sexual nature." I nodded, squaring my shoulders, the left one grumbling, a woman firm in my convictions.


    After a moment Saffron shrugged and said, "Fine. I''m stumped. Show me."


    I slumped back down in the tub, turned to Marie, smiled, and said, "Do whatever you want to me. Just please, leave me clean at the end?"


    She did. Oh, God, she did. Soundproof walls fully tested.


    That''s absolutely it, Tabitha Diaz. You will explain my present excessively and ridiculously inappropriate tumescent condition to Sigyn next Monday. Be prepared.


    Floating on a cloud of endorphins, I just thought back, Okie Doki Loki. I may have giggled. Okay, I definitely giggled. Like, Pinkie Pie worthy giggled.


    Aaand now I am terrified beyond the capacity for rational Ihavetogonowbye.


    I stood from my chair and floated on my own private cloud of endorphins and agony until I lay on my bed parallel to Saffron. I turned to her and smiled, "Your turn."


    She moved toward me and I shook my head, lifting my arm to point at Marie''s tub.


    Her eyes got big as saucers and she gabbled a few incomprehensible things until she finally forced out, "you want me to share your Concubine?"


    I half lay there, pondering for a moment, then sighed, "Yeah."


    "I. I wondered yesterday if I would really risk my life for you. I realized I would without hesitation to protect you, but," she closed her eyes, gulped down a lungful of air, "I didn''t realize I''d do it to get you off. I''m not going to say no, but please, for my own sanity, give me a reason? Anything? Throw me a bone here?"


    I smiled at her, leaning over to kiss her forehead before pulling back and holding up my left index finger. It burned as I said, "It''s fair," I held up my right index finger, leaned both fingers together, and growled, "I want you as clean as I am," I poked my right thumb out toward my other hand, "I want to watch you," and finally burned my left thumb to ash pressing it against my right, "Two sticks at an angle fall apart, but a triangle is one of the most stable structures in the universe."


    She stood up, throwing the blanket off behind her. "Marie, if you would, please?"


    "No."


    I pouted, "Please?"


    I got to see Marie roll her eyes. "Bathwater." She loaded her cart faster than I''d ever seen her do it before. I think she may have even been slightly sloppy. "Soon."


    She was as good as her word. The moment Marie''s claws touched Saffron''s naked back, Saffron grabbed one, stunning me by holding Marie motionless. "Gently."


    Marie nodded. "Yes."


    She washed Saffron as thoroughly as she had me, albeit without a single scream.


    Of pain, anyhow.


    When Saffron lay down across my lap, Marie reached for the door, cart loaded. "Marie, wait."


    She stopped.


    "Did you want to stay?"


    She paused, shrugged, nodded to the cart. "Work."


    I needed an answer. Silently asking her for forgiveness, I said, "Please. If you''re satisfied with this, tell me?"


    She paused, and much as I''d seen the previous day, her rigid posture vanished. The entire room vibrated as her ongoing avalanche of a purr shook the goddamned floor. Saffron and I both lost it giggling. I managed to choke out, "Please, if you want anything more, anything at all, tell us."


    She just restored her formal posture, nodded, and left.


    Saffron and I were almost too sated to do anything else after that.


    Almost.


    Not a goddamned dream. Zero. None. Nothing I remembered, anyway. Maybe something about big cream filled pillows shaped like bonbons. I dunno.


    In Geography and Culture we learned about our ''last Atlantean City'', because of course the continent is named Atlantis, Jackville. Way, way, down south, Right at the outer base of North Atlantis'' bulging package. Get this, founded by none other than Jack, from the fairy tales and nursery rhymes. All of them. One guy. Did all that crazy fucking shit, wound up half-god, half-ghost, all fucked up, Absolute legend, Ye Olde Fucking Florida Man. Who founded the only city in the here and now''s version of fucking Florida. Because of course he did.


    Had the boring nightmare again. All night long. Well, not all night. But all night after. Which kind of made me not care nearly as much about being so bored I eventually fell asleep in my dream right when I woke up in reality. Fucking messed with my head, but I got rested.


    Heroic Skills Saffron and I wound up ignoring the rest of the class, because she wanted to Skill up Mana Bubble. Or should I say ''Mana Ward.'' Which she did. Because of course she did. She did that in the morning, and while she actually passed out sixteen times after finding out that I could not only wake her all the way back up with Stabilize, but also refill her goddamned Mana tank, she made Doc Roberts shit a brick sideways by Skilling up fucking Mana Blade, before he''d even figured out how to cast it. Because, to quote that poet again, ''My chick bad, badder than yours, my chick do things your chick wish she could''.


    Of course, between popping off Stabilize so many times I lost count, and yes I was trying to keep track, but we all know I''m too stupid to count two things at once, and Marie paying us a visit with her Bath cart and complete lack of anything resembling inhibitions, I was completely ready for night night when Saffron and I finally decided to get some sleep.


    Then something snapped into place with the same clarity of my triangle metaphor as I lay there floating, waiting for dream time.


    "Holy shit."


    "Whass''t?"


    "I''m in two different relationships, and I''m the Bitch in both of them."


    That grin spread across Saffron''s face with all the mercy, heat, and inevitability of an advancing wall of lava, and she murmured, "Only in bed and bath, Goofus Supremus. Beyond that, we are your boon companion and faithful servant. Now," she oozed over me, and I realized I might well be going to Remedial Celtic with no sleep or fucks to give when she growled, "Say. My. Name."


    Correction. Lots of fucks. Lots of fucks to give. Much fucks. Very sex. So Orgasm. Wow.

 Day Sixty One

    Dear Diary,


    Okay, today got a little weird.


    Yeah, after this past week, today got a little weird. Okay, that''s less wrong than I usually am. The past week was a complete train wreck involving two freight trains, six semis, an air liner, and a random cargo ship, all filled to overflow with weird.


    Today? a little weird.


    So it started as a Bad Friday. I know, weird concept, but when I stumbled out of my room having gotten exactly zero shut eye, all but my left arm good-sore, my left arm doing its now-normal give me shit about everything for me doing completely unacceptable things like ''existing'', and my body clamoring for food, water, sleep, and pretty much everything I wouldn''t be getting between breakfast and lunch.


    I hit breakfast like a young woman on a crusade to champion the cause of the hungry, the starving, the thirsty in a world of eggs who spice above the laws of physics. I nommed hard, to the point where the Barbie Brigade was pointing and laughing, the Maids had a new tray coming out while they carried the old one off, and at one point Angel stopped eating and laughing long enough to say ''leave some eggs for the rest of the city, Diaz'' before going back to laughing and eating.


    Hunger blunted, but in no way sated, I ambled off to Remedial Celtic, picking up Lyman on the way. I twigged to something wrong right away. Normally he''s kind of chummy with me as Lyman, hovering almost in touching distance, leaning around me and putting his hand around mine to guide me through a new word. Today? Wouldn''t look at me. Kept the kind of distance between us that even Amish would approve of. Put little glowing ''drag pen here'' lines on the paper where the next bit ought to go. After a couple hours of that, Sister Cheryl came past and said, "aw. I hope you two patch things up. Don''t let it hurt your progress, Cadet Diaz; you''ve been making slow but steady progress since he started working with you."


    After she''d gone back to working with the other students, I leaned forward to where he sat across the desk from me and quietly said, "Loki, I need you to answer an important question for me."


    He perked up a little at that, "It''s not Monday, but of course, Tabitha."


    "What the fuck?"


    His mouth half curled up into something that might charitably be identified as a smile. "I''m not allowed to be pensive?"


    I kept my voice low, despite wanting to snark full volume at him. "That''s an evasion. I ask again. What the fuck?"


    "Nothing that need concern you at this time, Tabitha."


    "That''s another. I ask you a third time, Loki son of Laufey, What. The. Fuck?"


    He sighed, then spoke in a quiet monotone I had to lean forward and strain to hear. "You have inadvertently assisted me in restoring my relationship with Sigyn, while also convincing her that you are a threat to that relationship. We will deal with that Monday, hopefully without you and Sigyn coming to blows."


    "C''mon, Boss. I''m a lean, mean, relationship fixing machine now!"


    He chuckle-snorted, then looked at me, suddenly serious. "Tabitha, should you steal Sigyn from me, I will disavow you. You... are worth much to me. But not that."


    I lay my left hand on his, ignoring my fucking useless hand as it tore itself to pieces, grabbing his wrist and refusing to let go when he tried to jerk away. "Boss? All you had to say is that she''s important to you. I''ll do anything I can to help you. Except give up Saffron or Marie. Which ought to tell you how much I understand, and how hard I''ll try, and why."


    He just blinked at me. I swear I saw his eyes glisten a moment before he turned back to the page. "Yes, well. We need to at the very least enable you to write ''Saffron'' before the end of today''s class, then, no?"


    After class Saffron met me at Lunch, and we ate and griped our way through some really awful Shoe Leather Beef before she followed me over to the entrance to the Dorm, where Doc Roberts met us shortly after we returned from fetching supplies from my room. Saffron said no hanky panky. Sad Tabitha noises. On the other hand, she said she wanted to watch what the ''repair expert'' for the Filtration Ward Enchantment taught me.


    Doc Roberts met us there, interrupting us mid canoodle by clearing their throat as they walked up. "Excellent to see you on time and ready to take this seriously, Tabitha! Well, more on time than me," they had the grace to look a little abashed at their own tardiness. Then they clapped their hands together, all business.


    "You even brought along another pair of hands to help! Now, what do you girls know about Enchantments?"


    "I guess they use Mana?"


    Saffron snorted and slapped my hand away from where I''d been fondling her ass since our interrupted canoodle. My left hand. It exploded into tiny burning shards, almost making me miss her showing off her brain that was bigger than she was, including her brain. "They are Mana tied into a permanent form, available for use or automatically applied to anyone who activates them or enters an area they monitor. As Mana is an energy flow, produced by living things, they must have some way to store, generate, or acquire Mana. Historically, this has included Mana Batteries, greenhouses, Souls, slaves, and ley lines. Ley lines are the preferred source where they can be accessed, since they are a source of near limitless power," Saffron paused, dropping her Lecture Voice, "not to mention being way less evil than some of that other shit."


    "Well summarized! You remembered that lecture?"


    She just stared at them and shrugged.


    "So, were we creating a new Enchantment, we would simply have to find a way to power it, create a physical anchor for the Shape and its connection to power, and then create the Shape. Since we''re repairing a damaged Enchantment, the first thing we must do is to examine the area carefully for whatever remnants exist of the previous Enchantment." They frowned. "Since you cannot for whatever reason see Mana, I will need to complete that portion, although Saffron should be able to assist me?"


    "Certainly, Doctor. Was the Enchantment powered by a Ley Line connection?" she asked.


    They nodded, "So be very careful with any remnants of the Enchantment; if they are still connected to the Ley Line, they will have enormous amounts of Mana looking for a route to ground itself out."


    The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    "Understood, Doctor." The two of them spent fifteen very boring minutes scouring the area around the entrance to the Dorm. When they didn''t find shit, we all went up to the second floor to repeat the process, with me playing pack mule for all the Enchanting supplies. Nothing on the second floor, so we went up to the third, and so on. By the time we hit the steps up to the roof above the seventh floor, which I hadn''t previously realized existed, Doc didn''t look good. He and Saffron discussed it while we made our way up the narrow, steep roof access steps.


    "Its uncanny. Tabitha interacted with the Enchantment on the first floor. There should have been some fragments there. We definitely should have found something by now, but its almost as if rather than destroying the Enchantment, Tabitha somehow disconnected it from its power source and it faded. That shouldn''t be possible."


    Saffron just shrugged. "No disrespect at all intended, but it seems you''re overlooking the obvious."


    To their credit, Doc just shook their head and said, "Don''t keep it secret, Saffron."


    She just waved one hand at me, and Doc laughed as they swung the roof access door open. A full, closed eyes, belly laugh kind of thing. We followed her out, I scanned the roof, the only thing showing up immediately an art deco copper spiral, maybe four feet of tightly coiled inch-thick shiny new copper. Doc''s laugh cut off the second they saw that, then choked as they tilted their head back to scan the sky above the copper coil.


    "Gods preserve us," they whispered.


    I scanned the roof, then the sky above us, trying to find the threat. Other than some really weird sun glare making it hard to look at a few broad swathes of sky? Nothing at all. I stared at those weird glare spots for a moment or two each, trying to spot anything hiding in the glare. The one running southeast to northwest, that passed over the Practice Yard at its closest point to us was pretty even and looked almost like a really lame, non-curvy northern lights washed out by the sun. The one running southwest to northeast, that kinda ran straight over us to cross under the other one at right angles above the Yard? It looked similar in the distance, but right above us, for maybe forty feet or so? it looked different. Turbulent, like a jet had passed through and it hadn''t recovered yet or something. After really giving that whole area my best hairy eyeball, I turned to Saffron, getting more agitated by the moment. "Where''s the danger?"


    She''d been staring up at the sky herself, more curious than frightened, but she looked back down at me, her smile taking the edge off of her ''What The Fuck, Diaz?'' look. When she snorted a chuckle, Doc''s gaze snapped to her, then dragged itself over to me as if pulled by a winch. They shuffled backward, almost unaware they''d done so, and kept doing it. "What... what are you?"


    The moment before, we''d been clueless Tabitha (pretty normal), terrified Doc (worrying), and amused Saffron (yay). Now Saffron stepped over in front of Doc and, I shit you not, pulled her hand back, twisted her waist, and full on bitch slapped them with the back of her hand, spinning them around before knocking them on their ass. She stepped forward and, still furious, held a hand down to help them up. "Doctor Roberts, it is my strong suggestion we both report that as my attempt to shake you from a panicked fugue state, as otherwise I will immediately demand satisfaction from you in the Practice Yard at your earliest convenience."


    That got Doc''s attention. They stared at Saffron for a bit before saying, "Wha... no. Why?"


    "She is my boon companion, my lover, godmother to my daughter," she paused a beat before continuing, "my friend, and confidant. More importantly, though, for your own decisions in the next few moments, she is your student. One you have repeatedly claimed to be your favorite, one you said not four days ago reminded you of yourself if you were a better person. One you literally faced down a God to protect." She closed her eyes, huffed out her rage and incipient mayhem, and opened her eyes again, smiling at them sorta playfully, "Now, were you lying about all that, or did you just have a sudden bout of stupid due to the lack of the virtue our Tabitha has in abundance?"


    Through all of that, I watched Doc''s face crumble. By the time Saffron closed her eyes, tears ran from theirs. When she stopped talking, Doc choked out, "a moment, please," and bowed their head to their knees, sheltering their head with their arms, and sobbed. After an endless minute or two they shook themselves, reached up to grab Saffron''s hand to help them to their feet, and bowed to her at the waist until their body went below the horizontal. "From the depths of my Soul, thank you." They stood, turned to me, and said, "Please, Tabitha, forgive me. My..." they shook their head, "reasons don''t matter. I wronged you. Please, I beg you, forgive me."


    I looked at the crazy Folgers Crystals that replaced my Doc a bit, then shook myself and said, "Yeah, okay, whatever, no harm done, but on one," I lifted my pointer finger in the air for emphasis, "condition."


    Without a second thought Doc said, "Name it."


    I dropped my pack of supplies, shook my head, and said, "Would someone please tell me what the fuck is wrong, and if I need to get ready to kick something''s ass or get you both to safety?"


    Doc choked on their own spit at that, stuttering and waving their hands about. After a moment, I caught a general pattern of waving and pointing to their hand motions, indicating the tiny spot of turbulent glare in the streak above us. After maybe thirty seconds of stuttering, whining, and disbelieving Doc sounds, they took a deep breath and all a single wheeze forced out, "You broke the Ley Line."


    "Ah, shit." After a second, I got really excited and asked, "Wait, no, does the school, no, does anybody own the Ley Line?"


    Doc blinked, Scholar Brain finally rebooting. "I suppose The Dagda and a few others lay claim to them, but I''m not sure that really qualifies as ownership."


    "Sweet! If nobody owns them, they''re not property, so I didn''t destroy any property! Tabitha''s Innocent! Court Martial Win!"


    Saffron just shook her head, "Too late, Goofus Maximus. You''ve already plead guilty and been sentenced."


    "Don''t I get an appeal?"


    She gave me a look, turned to face me and raised one finger to her lips in what could have been a speculative gesture, but I recognized immediately as a ''shut the fuck up'' signal. "A what?"


    "So I still gotta fix it?"


    "More or less, yeah."


    "Shit."


    "And you''ve still got to get the Enchantment working."


    "Fuckity shitballs on fucktoast."


    "We might as well get started then."


    Doc clapped their hands together, "Yes! Let''s get to it!"


    It turned out the copper was supposed to be a single long straight rod that ran from the Ley Line above us down to the basement, connecting to other various Enchantments and Mana Conduits along the way. Unfortunately the long, straight, barely bigger than the rod hole looked like someone had powerfucked it with a rotary attachment. It screwed out pretty easy, for a value of ''pretty easy'' that wound up with us calling fucking Carruthers of all people up to help us lift the big motherfucking hunk of twisted copper. Brain of stone, muscles of steel, twice as strong as ox, half as smart. For what its worth, apparently most of his bad attitude related to feeling kinda mocked for being in Remedial Damn Near Everything. When we gave him something he could do, something where he could even show off whatever ridonkulous double digit Strength score he was rocking? Nicest guy you''d ever want to meet. Like, almost Kronk-Ultra-Himbo nice. Saffron still nixed my suggestion to invite him back to my room for a private reward for his labors, but we both gave him a big old hug after he spent most of the afternoon literally uncoiling the inch-thick copper with his bare hands. Bear Hands. Whatever.


    Best part of the afternoon? The look on Doc''s face when, after they broached the topic of boring a new hole for the newly straightened Conduit? Saffron yanked me over to stand above the old hole, took a moment to line herself up, held out her right hand and just said, "Stabilize, keep it coming," and, when I complied, because I Am Best Girlfriend so of course I did, Mana Bladed a fucking laser straight one inch hole all the way down to the basement.


    Priceless. Carruthers up and dropping the copper down the smoking hole earned him another hug, especially since Doc decided to fuck off and get drunk at that point, leaving Saffron and I an entire hour before dinner to see, at my suggestion, if she could get ''Advanced Canoodling'' as a Skill.


    NO, I do not want to know if the freaky smart bitch actually got it. Leave me some tiny mote of self-respect, okay?

 Day Sixty Two

    Dear Diary,


    That man is seriously risking his Gold Retirement Watch.


    Okay, so lately duBois has had us doing the whole stretching, holding, buddy lifting exercise thing, right? I''ve been grooving on it, getting some subtle Saffron-in-unlikely-position watching moments in, enjoying pushing myself in new and interesting ways, trying to think how I could put the positions together into dodge, recover, counter sequences. Surprisingly cerebral stuff for gym class, y''know? But he still worked us so we saw progress. I mean, holding a fingertip handstand for twenty seconds didn''t sound like much until I realized I could only hold it for ten seconds the week before, and a month before I''d have smacked the shit out of some non duBois person for suggesting I even try it without some of those big gymnastics pads spread over the floor.


    Now? Twenty five seconds minimum, and when I can''t hold it if I can''t manage a controlled dismount to my feet I can just roll out of it, barely noticing the impact of my shoulder on the pavers.


    Okay, my right shoulder. My left shoulder still gives me shit when I try it. But it''s coming along.


    So after some positively inspired canoodling on Saffron''s part last night I slept pretty well. Only one bad nightmare, and I got back to sleep without ever really waking her. Okay, if she remembered me asking, "can I get a strap on and ride your ass like I stole it?" she didn''t mention it in the morning, and the only response I got as I drifted off to sleep was a murmured, "Wll see, k sweetie?" followed by some snoring. Woke up at the end of the Bored in a Box dream, really fucks with my sense of ''is'' and ''isn''t'', if you see what I mean.


    We got to breakfast, where for some reason the only protein at our table was spicy eggs. I mean, I''m not complaining exactly, but there''s usually some sausage, some bacon, sometimes lately we''d gotten nuts and black beans; those are both good for protein too, I think. At least when I used to use them back in Camden in place of meat, I didn''t wind up with the hungry-an-hour-laters very often. But today? Nothing but eggs. Spicy eggs still, which as noted are my favorite, but I had to share more than normal with the rest of the table.


    I mean, I didn''t have to. Nobody''s made a rule out of it or anything, and I know I could just eat all of it before they got any kind of reasonable amount but... around about the second tray I felt bad. I slowed down and started playing with toast, because while we had nothing but eggs, we got some butter along with the cream cheese, and even a couple ramekins of some kind of fruit paste. Jelly, Jam, ''Preserves'', I can''t tell the fucking difference, but it''s all pretty good on top of toast and butter.


    ''Wait'', I hear you saying, ''the Human Maw slowed down her eating?'' Look, asshole, just because I want to Nom All The Food doesn''t mean I''m going to let my peeps starve, y''know? And now I''ve just realized that I reacted to my diary like it responded to me like I would respond to me if I saw me do what me do. Does. Look, I''m all introspective and stuff!


    Wait, what was I talking about again? Oh, yeah, weirdly underfooded breakfast followed by Physical Training.


    In the morning, duBois had us start with some basic Endurance training, although for my part he insisted I maintain the fastest pace of anyone on the field, and he made me run on the outer track while the rest of the class ran on the inner track. Of course the Barbie Brigade took that as an excuse to do wind sprints to push me. Fuck me, but they''ve been getting better, too. Faster. More Endurance. Worst of all from the perspective of everyone with a brain and me, they''ve been learning. They took turns doing wind sprints, so every damn lap a different one broke into a sprint as I passed. By the end of the first hour of morning PT, I was fuckin'' soaked. Stoked, too, because despite teaming up on me three on one, I''d managed to outrun all three of the Barbie Brigade Bitches. Team Indestructible for the win!


    Next he moved onto more posing and stretching, which got Saffron all pissy with me. Okay, not, like, really mad at me, but just sort of done-with-this-shit testy. When I asked her why, she just made a face at me and told me to ask her at dinner. I dunno, maybe I got some sweat in her eyes or some shit when she was holding me above her head in a handstand. I mean, after all that sprinting? She got an absolute Pumpkin Spice Shower.


    Shit, if I wind up spawning, are my tits gonna wind up spouting Pumpkin Spice Lattes? Yet another reason for me to join Team No Centipedes In MY Vagina.


    Anyhow, around the end of hour two, duBois surprised me again by doing an hour long lesson on the one thing I''d never expected here at the Academy.


    Dancing.


    I mean, not like, real dancing, the kind of thing you do when the music shakes your bones and makes you need to move, but surprisingly none of that enormously white Square Dance bullshit either. He spent an hour teaching all of us classic Ballroom shit, starting (and, okay, ending) with the Waltz.


    "The reason I''m teaching your classmates the Waltz, Lancaster," because who the fuck else would bitch about duBois teaching everyone else Ballroom Dancing, "is because not only are Heroes expected to be nominally proficient at social skills in case they''re called on to be diplomats, but also dancing can be excellent endurance training, and finally because Ballroom Dancing is an excellent way to practice coordinated movement with a partner. Now, Rider, step on up here and we''ll demonstrate the steps for everyone."


    Oh no. Someone else got to be duBois'' dance partner slash example slash teacher''s pet. I am die forever of shame.


    I mean, yeah, obviously getting to stand there watching was better than having to stumble around backwards while everybody stared at me, but I swear my brain is still twisting up a bit about how I actually cared about being the first one duBois picked for stuff. I think I must have got hit with some dain bramage at some point. Anyway, he gave Rider some good pointers about how to properly let someone else lead, then pulled Rosen to the floor and gave us a lesson how to lead a partner effectively. By letting Rosen lead. I just stared, openmouthed, as duBois slipped effortlessly into what I subconsciously thought of as ''the Bitch role''. Still got some of my brain caught up in processing that, as well.


    So after he spent an hour cycling us all through both leading and following him, we all partnered back up and danced around the courtyard for an hour. Beautiful Saffron inverted our arm positions when she tucked my left hand under her coat, sliding it just a tiny bit into the waist of her pants as it collapsed on itself and crumpled. When I tried to slip it further down to get a nice firm grip on her ass, just to lead her through the Waltz better, I promise, she grabbed it again, breaking every bone in it before sliding it a little further around her and saying, "Rest your arm''s weight on it, Goof. You can play with my ass later if you dance well enough."


    Decided right at that moment that obviously learning the Waltz was key to my future success in too many ways to ignore.


    The weirdest fuckin'' thing about the whole lesson, though? No music. Zero. At one point about ten minutes in it freaked me out enough I raised a hand until I got duBois'' undivided attention.


    "If you gotta take a leak, hold it until Lunch. If you''re feeling carnal urges for your partner, I don''t want to hear about it," he paused half a beat before continuing, "hold that until Lunch too."


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    I shook my head, barely holding in my laughter as I replied, "Nah, not that. I mean, yeah on the urges, obviously," Saffron politely yet firmly stepped on my foot, "but why don''t we have any music playing?"


    He snorted explosively, I think hiding some creative profanity, "I swear to the gods you can be denser than any mortal has right to be, Diaz. I just told you I didn''t want to hear about it. As for the music, it''s a crutch. I mean, once you learn to dance properly without it you could consider it an effective force multiplier, but if you learn with it you''ll forever need it."


    "I mean, you sure about that, Sir?" I leered at him, and for a few steps led Saffron with her standing on tiptoe on my toes.


    Morson cut into the conversation with a rumble of, "I could stand to hear more," but I ignored him, because I''m all mature and shit. Also, I had a follow on question.


    "Can music be a force multiplier for coordinated movements in combat, Sir?"


    "It absolutely fucking can, Diaz. After troop movement calls, and even integrated into some of those, it''s the most prevalent use of music on a battlefield."


    Saffron decided I''d redeemed myself and returned to her own feet before calling out, "Marshall duBois, I''ve read that music is used primarily to affect friendly morale on the battlefield?"


    He barked out a laugh. "You''d think so, and yeah, there are some Cities that do that, but frankly? They''re all substandard, militarily. Music used to communicate is a bigger force multiplier, and coordinated movement itself affects the ratio of morale more than just some friendly horns tooting."


    "How so, Sir? Ratio?" Saffron wasn''t half bad, but we both knew she''d stumbled half a dozen times already while asking her questions. Mostly due to all of my awesome girlfriend''s incredible brain''s tendency to laser like focus, leaving little to no brain power to work her feet, but also because she really wanted to lead. If she''d been leading, though, I couldn''t have straight up carried her through those bits where her feet stopped feeting. My left arm more or less burned itself from inside out with acidic lightning every time I had to, but these are the sacrifices we make for those with superior canoodling skills.


    "You know what a ratio is, Aetos. Coordinated movements are a microcosm of units acting as units. Not only that, but on a battlefield music is used to direct units as well. So when you combine the effectiveness of group commands communicated through music, the boost to coordination that makes units work together better, the morale boost that comes from being one part of a larger killing machine, and the effect on enemy morale when they see one big mincing machine bearing down on them instead of half a dozen troopers? Yeah, way more effective than ''toot toot, magic flute''."


    "Thank you for the explanation, Sir!"


    We danced away the rest of the morning. We took turns leading, although I had a big sad when Saffron put her arm in the proper leading position. Like that I got to lay my arm on hers, and despite the constant disintegrating burn at the point of contact, it really did take a lot of the weight off it.


    Then Lunch. Sad got bigger when Saffron nixed my idea of spending some or all of our break eating something other than food, but she insisted I needed, ''calories, and protein, and nutrition'', or I wouldn''t be able to ''do that freaky healing thing you''re doing'' as well. Worse, lunch was an apparently endless supply of Shoe Leather Beef.


    Then, after lunch, Marshall duBois threw the gold watch he didn''t realize he might have had right in the damn toilet. "Okay, Cadets, this afternoon we''ll be doing the reverse of what we did this morning. Dance for two hours, then Isometrics for one, then running for the last hour." That got a bit of a cheer from those of us who''d liked getting to be a little more partnery with our partners. Okay, mostly from me, but Saffron smiled and clapped a little, and of all people Rider and Rosen actually cheered a little. Who knew? Anyhow, then he had to go and spoil the whole fucking thing. "For this afternoon''s Dance and Isometrics, however, I''ll be pairing you off differently. Diaz, front and center!"


    Suspicion tearing through me, I presented myself front and center.


    "Lancaster, front and center!"


    Despite a sudden urge to scream ''the fuck you say?'' in his face, I kept my expression remarkably calm. Okay, duBois smiled a really evil amused grin at the look on my face, only losing it when Lancaster whined about not dancing with a Bag Bitch.


    "I''m gonna pretend you didn''t say that, and pretend I don''t know exactly how many of the men in your family are fine with dancing with young ladies of the Bag persuasion as long as it''s in private, horizontal, and the lady doesn''t mention it afterward."


    Lancaster went puce, but before he said anything but a strangled, "Sir!" duBois continued.


    "Lancaster, a good portion of the incoming class is Bag. Plenty of our nominally Human Cadets have some Bag ancestry; its rare for a pure Human to have enough affinity for Magic to do everything our Academy expects of Heroes. More to the point, and this goes for you, too, Diaz, so wipe that shit eating grin off your face, at some point in your Heroic career you''ll likely find yourself in a position where the only thing standing between you and being shat out the wrong end of some monster to fertilize the soil is a Hero you would gladly cross the street to piss on even if they weren''t on fire."


    He glared at us long enough to make sure there wouldn''t be another outburst before continuing, "at that point, you''ll need to coordinate long enough to get your collective asses clear, or better yet kill whatever''s threatening you, because if it can make a meal out of a Hero, it''s going to be an absolute disaster if it gets to a farm, a village, or gods forbid the outskirts of Phileo City itself. Now, convince me you''ve got the point."


    I turned to face duBois, snapping to full Attention and shooting him a salute before saying, "I will do my best to accomplish the mission, SIR!" before turning to Larry and reaching out toward him.


    Of course we both reached out with our lefts, trying to put our rights on each other''s left shoulders.


    "I''m both a Lancaster and the man, Diaz. I lead."


    I stopped, brought my hands down as I stepped back half a step, then glanced to duBois. "Sir, can you let us know when an hour has passed?" When he nodded, I turned to Larry and stepped forward, laying my left arm along his, reaching out with my right to clasp his left hand, looking him square in the eye as I ignored his hand sliding down to my mid back and saying, "You get to lead for the first hour, Cadet Lancaster. Then it''s my turn."


    See? I can be mature. Sometimes. When I vaguely suspect I''ll be carnally rewarded by my petite genius.


    I want to tell you all about how Lancaster can''t dance for shit, but it''s a bad idea to start lying to my diary. Arrogant? Yeah. Cowardly? Probably, although I''d gone to lengths to break him, so maybe he might be less cowardly with someone who hadn''t made him lose bowel and bladder control simultaneously with a Stabilize. Just generally a massive dick, probably making up for having a micropenis? That''s just facts. But other than the half-creep move of having his hand spread across my ribcage rather than on my shoulder blade, he lead passably well. Nowhere near as hot as Saffron pushing me around the Yard, but he didn''t go full creep and grab my ass either. Saffron told me later on no uncertain terms that he''d earned points with her for resisting the allure of my, and I quote, ''extremely clutchable ass''.


    Of course, ten minutes after we switched, he ''got a huge charley horse in his thigh'' and I had to carry him down to the Infirmary. Dropped him onto a bed and walked out, didn''t even check to see if DeLeon saw him or not. Got to Lead duBois for half an hour, which just felt weird, then do isometrics with him for an hour, which got exhausting. Working with Saffron we''d look out for one another, and take little ''stretching breaks''; more important than you might think. With him, not only did he push me the whole hour, I had to lift that dense bastard over my head, at least once with one hand.


    Guess which one he picked? Fucker.


    Dinner was some kind of desiccated salt pork, ostensibly rehydrated, but I think they did that with vinegar or brine or some shit, because blech. Lots of bread and spread, though, so that was nice.


    After dinner had plenty of bed and spread, which was also nice. Apparently I''d earned a lot of Saffron points for being a Good Dancer, especially for being the bigger person and letting Lancaster lead. Even enough for her to remind me of the previous night''s request while we played around. Turns out it''s not either of our favorite thing. I mean, if it''s the only thing she''s offering I''m not going to be stupid enough to turn it down. I want my spicy eggs, but if bread''s the only thing on the table, I''m getting me some bread. But it definitely rates fifth on the list of ''orifices I want Saffron penetrating''.


    What? I told you, I''ve got sensitive ears, and when she''s not using something moist, it''s a straight up hot button.


    Also, when you''re a kid living alone you get some really bad gross habits, and when you get at least three ''sinuses completely blocked with dried up snot'' colds per year while living alone, you get really good at scooping the whole damn thing out at once. It feels a little like a sneeze drawn out over several excruciating seconds, but without the whole breath explosion. Y''know, the fact that I mark ''drawn out excruciating'' as a positive and have done since forever probably should have clued me in to certain tendencies. Why are you looking at me like that? It''s not like I eat it.


    Okay, not after the first time. Rules or not, never tried that a second time, let alone a third. Yech.

 Day Sixty Three

    Dear Diary,


    Interesting day. Not, like, ''interesting times'' Chinese curse interesting. Not like last week. But, interesting.


    It started out with me apologizing to Saffron, because I''m not quite stupid enough to risk my own self-destructive impulses if I kept something from her and then had to spend two days away from her.


    We stood there, her immaculate as always, fixing the worst of my uniform''s flaws, when I muttered, "Uh... Saff?"


    Without missing a beat, she said, "Out with it, Goof. Rip the bandage off."


    "I''ve seriously considered having sex with someone else."


    She just shook her head, bemused, as she fixed my shirt collar floof to properly floof over my jacket collar. "Someone I know?"


    "Uh, yeah?"


    "Who?"


    I looked at the ceiling, with her batting the back of my head to get it out of the way of her work. "duBois."


    That got her to look at me, quirking one eyebrow up. "Marie notwithstanding, isn''t he a little old for you?"


    "Us. But yeah, not right now. Like, as a retirement thing?"


    "A retirement thing," she deadpanned.


    "I mean, he''s been a really great teacher, and by the time he''s ready to retire I figure we''ll probably be like thirty, so we''ll be old too, but still young enough in comparison to be hot enough to impress an old guy, right?"


    She snorted a little, I''m not sure why. Probably just blowing some of my stream of consciousness back out so she could get oxygen to her brain. "You keep using that word, ''us''."


    "Well, yeah, I first thought about it before we got together, but y''know, we''re an item now, and you''ve got looks and mad bedroom skills rather than just running on dubious enthusiasm," here I paused, chuckling, "heh. Dubious duBois enthusiasm," then I shook my head and finished, "so yeah, threesome us sounds better as a retirement gift thing, right?"


    She just lowered her face into my chest and shook; I figured out they were stifled guffaws rather than sobs when my shirt didn''t get wet. She pulled back, "That... is such a you idea. Nobody less goof than you would even consider it. Not least of all because most Heroes only ''retire'' if they''re too maimed to even get to the field, let alone survive there."


    "So, you think we ought to just pounce on him when we hit thirty, as a kind of pre-retirement thing?"


    She sighed, "Most Heroes never retire, because they typically wind up dead, not maimed."


    "Oh, we''re definitely setting a deadline then, because, y''know, necrophilia? Yech."


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    She looked up at me, one eyebrow lifted the slightest bit, her dizzying intellect going full blast, no doubt trying to come up with a single reason to not yeet me into my own armoire and run as fast as she could. After a moment like that, during which my hands wandered of their own accord to her ass, because fondling isn''t penetration, and we''re both fond of ass fondling, she blinked once, slowly, then said, in a tone I wouldn''t argue with if my life depended on it, "Twenty five. Half-Bag tend to live longer than any but Immortal Bag, but we still generally age a little quicker than humans. By thirty I''ll probably look more like a forty year old human woman."


    My brain couldn''t process her statement well, so I settled on responding, "What''ll I look like by then?"


    "Oh, I''m sure you''ll look exactly the same. Getting old implies growth, maturation, changing in any meaningful way whatsoever."


    "Hey!"


    "That''s not a complaint. Since you seem intent on staying with me until I get old and gray, I''ll be glad to have an indestructible, immortally unchanging lover to help me get up the stairs and get down in bed." She''d finished with my collar, and hooked her arms behind my neck. When I leaned in for a kiss, she pulled away just far enough I stopped and said, "Ah, ah, ah. We''ve got to get to breakfast. We can''t spend any more time in here messing around."


    I blinked a little, part of my brain just now catching up to the conversation, "So plan ''duBois Retirement Sexcapade'' is a go?"


    She sighed, "Just to make sure your poor little overworked brain doesn''t misunderstand, I officially agree to your incredibly inappropriate, vulgar, presumptuous," here she paused and smiled up at me, "surprisingly well-intentioned, sweet, and kindhearted plan."


    "Oh! What about Marie?"


    She winced, a not uncommon reaction when she thought about Marie and intimacy, even after having two happy ending baths under her belt. "We''ll certainly have to ask her, I suppose. She shouldn''t affect the timing though." When I just raised an eyebrow to ask why, she explained with a simple, "Immortal Bag."


    I smiled at her, because she''d fallen for my nefarious scheme. Not the duBois one, honestly I still hadn''t processed her not punishing me for even thinking it up, let alone agreeing to it. My current underhanded plan, which had involved getting her talking, then under cover of her brilliant monologue scooping her up so she sat on my crossed arms, occupying her mouth with my own before the word ''Bag'' fully left it. I straight up backed us through my door with a crunch, because my left arm objected to opening the door by burning itself to electric ash, and my right hand had all it could handle in the form of Saffron''s ass cheek.


    She squeaked and squealed, but never once pulled her hands from behind my neck until we arrived at the Dining Hall and the line cleared enough for us to go in.


    In the morning duBois told us he''d intended on Squadball, but after last week''s fiasco he wanted an easy week, so he set us to practice unarmed drills and spar for the morning. In the afternoon, he started us on our first weapons drills, specifically bastard swords. In case you''re wondering, the weapons were wood, with no real edge to speak of, and the moves he showed us all relied on chopping or slicing. Of all people, I did not expect Saffron to complain.


    "What''s your problem with hand and a half swords, Aetos?"


    "Other than the fact that the smallest one in the Yard is, in fact, taller than I am?"


    He shrugged. "Apologies, I told the carpenters to have some new larger and smaller ones ready for next week, but as noted I rescheduled things. Just think of it as good training for if you ever lose your weapon in the field."


    "Ah, yes. ''Good Training'', also known as ''awful conditions''." She sighed, "I would still rather use a spear." When he just cocked his head, she explained, "I would prefer to specialize in a weapon with reach, so I have some hope of injuring my opponent before they turn me to mince."


    He nodded his understanding, shrugged, and said, "so grab one of the bigger sticks. Seems like you''re not half bad at handling something well outside your weight class anyhow."


    Like I said, absolute legend, and definitely deserved his Gold Retirement Watch Set after all the shit we were gonna throw at him over the next who knew how many years.

 Day Sixty Four

    Dear Diary,


    Today has been a weird fuckin'' trip, lemme tell you.


    It started with Loki knocking on my door. I opened it expecting Marie, but apparently Loki''s now my Monday wake-up call, because he stood there in his Lyman outfit. He glanced down and rolled his eyes, turning slightly so he could more naturally lean against the doorframe and pointedly stare down the corridor.


    "Get dressed. Please dress to look your best."


    "You got it, boss." I turned to my armoire, realized my nice uniform still kinda stank of me from last Monday, as Marie had left it on the altar since then. Having no other ''nice'' clothes, I pulled out The Boots and wrangled my way into them.


    Apparently me hopping around on one foot got his attention, because he turned to me, took one look, and said with both voice and face, "What the fuck, Diaz?"


    I paused a moment, pulled my foot out of my boot and said, "I need some talcum powder, stat." When he didn''t move, I grabbed the jacket from the altar and threw it at him. "If you''re not going to help, don''t interrupt."


    He grabbed the jacket, and when he opened his mouth to speak started coughing. He held it out to me, pinching it by one shoulder, "Yes, I can see where showing up reeking of pheremones would be counterproductive."


    I took the jacket, returned it to the altar, and said, "Talcum Powder? Baby Powder? Shit, at this point even some butter or something would be better than nothing, but I''d hate to hand Marie that kind of cleaning to do." He shook his head, but a moment later tossed me a small packet that poofed dust when I grabbed it. I dusted down my legs, pulled my boots on one at a time, then pulled out The Dress and wrapped it on. "Good to go when you are, boss."


    He just stared at me for a second before saying, "You would have that be your formal wear for representing your God?"


    "Fuckit, sure. I''m not really a subtle sort."


    "I''d never have guessed. Now, take my hand." I took his left hand with my right, and he pulled me through the door. On stepping through cool, faintly humid air surrounded me. I got nothing but a wireframe, and it took me a moment to get that Loki and I now stood in a cavern far enough below ground that no light penetrated it. Loki pulled me forward, quietly thinking into my brain, We will be travelling through an alternate dimension. It has many names, but locally it is typically referred to as ''Underhill''. Tracing someone travelling via teleportation is hard to trace, but not impossible. Teleporting through Underhill is almost impossible, as much of Underhill is chaotic and unpredictable at the best of times. Be alert, Underhill holds many dangers, many of which could erase you before I could intervene.


    You sound frightened.


    I am not stupid. He pulled me forward, toward a line of shadow so deep it showed up even in my wireframe. He stepped through it as if forging forward into a snowstorm. When he pulled me into it, I stopped on the spot. I''d run into something. Something big, and warm, and fuzzy. My left arm shot entirely through with pins and needles; moment by moment it flickered from its normal electric acid tearing itself apart to full arm fuzzy-tingles. Oddly, I got a sudden sharp pinpoint itch in my left ass cheek. I involuntarily gripped his hand tighter, and less than a second after we stepped forward, Loki leapt backward, pulling me with him away from the wall of static and fur.


    "Shit. There''s something on the other side."


    "So... we teleport to another entrance?"


    No. I risked the Translocation to here because it is the nearest juxtaposition of Underhill with the Mortal Realm, and not only surprisingly close, but directly along one of the ley lines that intersect above your school.


    So... if you want to be sneaky, would Blending work?


    He blinked at that, turning to look at me. I suspected you had the skill. It''s far less effective against someone with proof you have it.


    Dude, you''re my Patron. If you''re planning to fuck me over, I don''t think that particular detail''s gonna matter.


    So be it. It might work. It can''t hurt.


    So how do I do it?


    Focus your will on disappearing, on no one noticing you. On Blending. Like so.


    And then I stood alone in the cave. I still clutched at somebody''s hand, but I could barely feel it, couldn''t tell you if the hand was big or small, wrinkly or smooth, cold or hot. I just couldn''t close my hand. Weird as fuck. I did like he said, focusing on Blending. I wasn''t here. Nothing going on, nothing to see here, move along, these aren''t the gods you''re looking for, I''m supposed to be here.


    "TABITHA!" Loki looked around, suddenly panicked. His gaze fell on that weird shadow along the floor. "SHIT!" He leapt for the gate to the Underhill, dragging me along behind him. I slammed into that weird wall of static fuzz, almost yanking my arm out of the socket when Loki pulled up short. My left arm flickered static interspersed with pain. Something poked me in the ass like I''d sat on a tack. I yanked backwards, slapping at my ass with my left hand while I yanked backward on Loki''s arm. The moment we stumbled backward I focused on dropping my Blending back to normal.


    Loki wrapped his arms around me, like a parent who''d just found their toddler after losing them in the racks in a Walmart clothing department. "Tabitha. I thought I''d lost you. I thought whatever lurks on the far side of the gate had snatched you up."


    I shook my head, "Nope. Just me Blending, boss."


    If I thought I''d seen him surprised before, I''d missed the mark. He pulled back a little, not unlike Doc did last Friday. He had enough class not to say ''what are you?'', but his actions reeked of that. Mid-word, he composed himself, "That... that should be sufficient. You never released my hand, did you?"


    "Nope."


    "So be it," he chuckled a little, "let them try to follow us now. Blend, but do not release my hand until you hear me tell Sigyn we have arrived."


    He disappeared. I Blended. The nothing in my hand tugged, and I stepped forward. We stood in another cave, this one large enough to be a full on great room like I''d seen in some rich houses on TV. Two story ceiling, at least. Maybe a hundred feet longways, forty shortways. No visible exits, which did not do my tension level any good. Almost at the far end of the room, somebody lay on a bed obviously by the same designer as the Academy Beds, only here they''d gone with a solid gray stone slab. I couldn''t get a good look at the guy''s face, as he''d turned it to face the far wall. Even without that, either he was a stupidly large motherfucker, or the woman who stood on the bed next to him holding a broad, shallow golden bowl was absolutely tiny, like smaller than Saffron tiny.


    "Sigyn, we have arrived."


    I dropped Loki''s not-hand, but not just because he''d announced us.


    His voice had come from the guy lying on the bed.


    I dropped my Blend as I jogged to the side of the stone bed and hopped up to get a better look. I verified my first guess about his size when I saw my foot next to his. His toes came up to my knees, at least. Despite being nearly twenty feet tall, he had completely human proportions. His porcelain white skin had deep blue undertones, like someone carved out of deep glacial ice. He shifted his head, and that drew my eyes to his chest, and the chains stretched across it so tight I knew they had to make it hard for him to breathe. Just then he heaved a sigh and proved me right as the edges of the chain links cut into the deep, bruised scar tissue beneath them. Ropy things bound his arms to the floor, and more bound his ankles to the bed. Ropy, but not rope. It took a moment for me to identify the things as intestines. I tore my gaze away and looked back at Loki. Scar tissue stretched across his body from his belly to his face; beneath the chains the scars mirrored the chain links, but the ones on his belly, his shoulders, his face? Those all had that weird melted candle look you expect from someone who has been burned so hard their flesh just melted.


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    I stepped up closer. His scars and wounds didn''t frighten me or repulse me. I''d seen worse back in Camden. I wanted to get a closer look at the woman. As I stepped up even with his belly, a rustling hiss sounded from the ceiling. I looked up and saw the biggest goddamned viper I''d ever seen.


    But Tabitha, how many vipers have you seen? I''m sure you''re asking. Look, the Philly Zoo is awesome, and their security is laughable. Well, I''ve always thought so, because I''d yet to have to pay for entry. Also, aunties, DVDs, Mutual of Omaha nature documentaries, yada, yada, yada.


    At any rate, this thing had Anaconda size. Like, BIG anaconda. The kind that had never found a big enough butt for it to be attracted. It still had viper proportions, and when it hissed, viper fangs, each one long enough to punch through me from top to bottom. They glistened with venom, a drop slowly coalescing at the tip of one of them.


    "Do not forget your place, serpent." Loki''s voice held pain like his body held scars, but the mockery it contained still drew the snake''s head back to hover over his chest and let that single drop fall down toward him.


    The woman spun, catching it with her bowl, nearly but not quite sloshing out the contents of the bowl. My brain finally placed her, and I stepped up to stand opposite her across Loki''s chest. I debated curtsying or bowing, but realized I had no idea how to properly curtsy, and bowing might well make my dress fall off my boobs, so I snapped to attention and saluted her instead. "Lady Sigyn. Tabitha Diaz, reporting as ordered, Ma''am."


    She raised an eyebrow at me, taking me in from head to toe with a quick glance before returning her unblinking watch of the snake on the ceiling. "I order you here to discuss you tempting my husband to infidelity, and you show up dressed like that?"


    I shrugged and replied, "It''s the only really nice outfit I have. I have a uniform that''s sorta good, but it stinks of sweat at the moment."


    "We''re well aware," she sniffed. I followed suit, and realized the entire room more or less reeked of Pumpkin Spice. Hard to notice, what with me smelling like that all the time.


    "Gently, dear. That is the chosen holy attire of my High Priestess and Champion." He inhaled, flinching as he did. "She is also correct, it is her nicest outfit."


    She glanced down at him, moving the bowl without looking to catch the snakes'' latest dripping venom. "So you''re telling me you dressed her like this?"


    He shrugged and chuckled, both rattling his chains, both causing him to wince, "You should have seen Zeus'' face when I flaunted her at him."


    Her mouth twisted into a savage grin, "Oh, I would have paid good Glory to see that. Not Odin?"


    "He didn''t make it to Heracles party this year. I suspect he''s scheming again."


    "You say that like you ever stop."


    He sighed, again obviously in pain. "My current condition makes me somewhat less capable, scheme-wise, darling."


    That sparked a question, "How is it you show up to visit me on Mondays and Fridays when you''re chained up here?"


    "On the day we met, you mentioned one of your instructors?"


    "Illusions, scrying, and teleportation?"


    "More or less. I swear to you upon my name and power, that is not an evasion, but a summation. I doubt I have the time nor you the patience for a full answer."


    I cocked my head, "not enough time? Aren''t you immortal?"


    Another pained shrug, "I do not age, but in the fullness of time enough harm done will kill me." He glanced down his front, "I can''t be sure how close I am to ''enough'', but I feel my own mortality creeping ever closer."


    I sighed, a full body thing where I closed my eyes and shifted my whole body, my left arm tearing itself apart at the movement. "Lady Sigyn, all due respect, but why don''t you just kill that fucking snake?"


    She blinked, then looked up at the snake like she''d not seen it before. After a few moments, she shook her head. "If I do, I lose."


    "What the fuck? How do you lose if you kill that scaly bastard? I''m pretty sure Loki''s not just into you because you''re his umbrella."


    Her glare snapped around to me, and I figure if she''d had her hands free, it would have been a literal ''look that killed''. "Know this, Mortal. I am Sigyn, Goddess of Victory. I. Win. It is who and what I am."


    "Okay, sure, so if you go at the snake, you kill him, you win."


    She caught another drop without looking, then sighed, "My most potent divine power is knowing which paths, which actions, lead to victory, and which lead to defeat. If I stand sentinel here, I win. If I kill the snake, I lose."


    I rolled my shoulders, Mana Blades sliding from my fingers. "Okay, what if I kill the fucker then?"


    She opened her mouth, shut it with a surprised snap, then shook her head. "You kill it. But I still lose."


    "Well. Fuck." I kicked my toe tip at the rock, sliding my Mana Blades back into my fingers, trying to think of some way to save Loki like he''d saved me not a week ago. After racking my brain, only one thing came to mind. I walked around Loki, stepped up to Sigyn, and lowered myself until I could squeeze in between her and Loki.


    She hissed out, "You dare come between me and my..." her sentence petered out as I put my hands under the bowl, lifting it out of her grip, then nodded toward Loki.


    I never felt her leave her position behind me, but she lay atop Loki, holding his face in her hands, bawling as she kissed him. Pretty fuckin'' quick her bawling turned to way hungrier sounds, and I eyes-fronted to engage mister snake in a staring contest, catching his drops as he let them out, ignoring the vaguely naphthalene chemical reek coming from the bowl. It reminded me of a tuner''s shop, or maybe an emergency room. I stood there, catching drops, hating on the snake, my left arm burning up despite my constant mental injunction for it to shut the hell up. After a bit, Loki''s chains rattled. Not a one time thing, but a sort of ongoing rhythmic rattle that tempted me to look down even as I realized how bad an idea it would be. Time moved weird here, almost like dream time, but if I had to guess, I''d say I stood there for hours, glaring at the viper and buying Sigyn and Loki time to focus entirely on one another without having to worry about poisonous rain. Sometimes I caught edges of murmured conversation, but one thought about how much I''d like someone creeping on Saffron and Marie and I lost all urges to snoop.


    At one point, Loki''s arm bumped into my ankle as I moved to catch a drop, and recovering without dumping the bowl all over the divine couple wound up sloshing poison onto my burning left hand.


    It went numb, everywhere the poison touched it. It blackened, and I whimpered in fear as I thought about going through life without an arm, but I refused to let my fucking hand let go of the bowl. I''d had a week of the fucker hurting every way I could imagine; not about to fail my friends just because of a little numbness. I still hissed a little as a line of poison ran down my arm, blackening and numbing as it went. I twisted my arm a little, hoping against hope that the stuff would drip off my elbow before it fucked up my dress.


    Then Sigyn was there, her hands steady on the bowl, catching another drop I''d barely seen. I fell to the floor, scurrying away and shaking my hand, trying to get the stuff to splatter off of me and onto the wall without getting it on my dress or anywhere else on me. The blackness of the poison faded as I watched, leaving behind pale, unmarked skin. As the poison faded, pain returned. Something clicked. "Time to get extra special stupid."


    I walked over to Sigyn and asked her, "Could you lower the bowl a little please? Just enough for me to reach into it?"


    Her eyes went wide, but she nodded and lowered the bowl, catching another drop of poison as she did. Before she could react, I lay my entire left arm into the bowl, holding it there as it coated my arm with awful black, like slime mold rotting my arm in fast forward. Despite a twinge in my shoulder above the level of the poison, and a tiny bit of burning at the intersection of numb arm and on-fire arm, the entire thing went totally, blissfully numb. I made a fist and watched the black slime disperse into the poison, then just let it lay there as I made small movements, reveling in the lack of pain.


    "What are you?" Sigyn whispered.


    I shrugged, "Just Tabitha Diaz, your husband''s faithless devotee."


    Loki laughed at that, shaking his chains and the bed, prompting me to jump back rather than disrupt Sigyn''s grip on her bowl. I splashed a little poison onto the floor, where it sizzled, eating into the rock. I held my arm out so it wouldn''t drip on my dress, then looked up to lock gazes with the snake. When sure I had its complete attention, I pointed at my own eyes with two fingers on my right hand, then pointed them both at him. "Watch your fuckin'' slither, snake-boy. Sigyn asking me nicely not to is the only reason you aren''t fucking snake sashimi right now, capice?"


    I swear to god the snake nodded.


    Loki''s hand gripped my right one; I couldn''t see it, and his arm never left its confinement, but somehow I knew it was his hand. "It is time to return you to your Academy, my Champion, my Faithless," here a half chuckle stopped him, "Priestess High set above all others." He tugged on my hand, I stepped forward, and was back in my cell, Loki''s warm hand disappearing from my own the moment I arrived. After checking to be sure all the black slime had evaporated from my arm, I stripped out of my dress, careful not to use my left arm too much, because all the pain from before had returned.


    "Wait, wait, wait, what the fuck did you just call me?"

 Day Sixty Five

    Dear Diary,


    Yesterday was a lot to take in. As if finding out my Patron is basically on life support wasn''t bad enough, I''m still kind of reeling from him casually announcing me to Sigyn as his Champion and High Priestess.


    I mean, shit, what do those even mean?


    Champion means that you are the one chosen to dispense my wrath upon my enemies. Also, when you smite someone, you do so with my full authority. Your full title, ''High Priestess set above all others'', means that any and all other High Priestesses must defer to you or feel the full force of my wrath.


    So I guess if some other High Priestess mouths off to me, I can straight up cut a bitch. Good to know.


    You are correct, however I would prefer you not kill my followers. They are in short enough supply.


    Now I wonder how many High Priestesses and Champions Loki has.


    Few gods ever appoint more than one Champion. I am no exception. As for High Priestesses? One.


    Well. Nice to know my Patron has my back enough to give me a badge or two. Really fucking with me being a High Priestess and, y''know, an atheist at the same time. Fuck it, it''s not like I asked for the job. Wish I knew whether he gave it to me because no one else wanted it, or if he really trusts me with that much of his Public Image.


    Yes.


    Well, there goes my assumption that he''s not an idiot, but I''m not gonna turn down free power ''cause it gets my panties in a bunch. Thanks boss.


    No response. Anyway, last night''s nightmares included one each of ''replaying my death'' and ''locked in a box''. Weird thing? In both of them my arm hurt. Like, the whole daily ''burning away from acidic lightning'' thing I live with during the day? Now featuring in my nightmares too.


    Anyhow, got up when Marie knocked on my door, asked her to launder my good uniform, and got myself more or less dressed in time for breakfast. Spicy Egg Rations again, although the bread and spread kept coming until the Maids were ready to kick us out. I meandered over to Remedial Mana, where Doc had a bunch of stuff set up for me. Okay, ''a bunch of stuff'' meaning a few dozen rods, a mix of glass, copper, and wood.


    "Now, I find it enormously amusing that I''m teaching this in a Remedial Mana Shaping class. It''s normally for students who have completed both Basic and Advanced Mana shaping, although I''ve taught it to some particularly talented second years as independent study. I suppose Saffron will want me to teach her too; likely while we''re working on the Filtration Ward this afternoon."


    "If you''d rather do more Mana Blade testing, or even just have me do more practice on the Spells I know, I''m good with that."


    They shook their head, "No, it''s quite all right. After all, you''re supposed to be doing the work on the repairs. While I suspect we would be far quicker and our end results better if you simply fed me Mana, I feel you simply must do at least one of the Enchanting runes yourself. Now, pick up one of these dowels."


    I looked at the batch, then asked, "What kind?"


    They shook their head again, but smiling this time, "Pick whichever calls to you. Glass is the hardest to work with, but retains enchantments longest. Wood is somewhat easier, and additionally can house small organisms which can power very minor spells. Copper is the easiest to work with, best for transferring Mana, but can easily be destroyed, and is hard to enchant permanently."


    I thought about it for a bit, then decided I didn''t want to go the self-flagellation route today and grabbed one of the copper rods.


    "Excellent. Next, you''ll want to decide what Shape you wish to embed in the material. My recommendation is to start simple, with either a Status or an Inspect. Now, observe what I do."


    This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    They picked up one of the copper rods, and held it in the palm of their hand, then turned it and extended it so most of it ran behind their finger. With that in place, they moved their finger slowly through the pattern for a Status Spell. As usual, I couldn''t see the Mana, but I did notice a set of lines burning themselves into the copper as they Shaped.


    "Did you see that?"


    "The mana? Not really. How you just carved some patterns into that rod? Kinda?"


    They nodded, "At some point we need to figure out a way for you to see Mana flows directly. I''m not sure how you''ll be able to connect the roof conduit to the Ley Lines if you can''t see them."


    I blinked a little, remembering last Friday on the roof. "Ley lines? I can see those, I think."


    They stammered a little, apparently fending off another bout of ''what the fuck are you''. To their credit, they even managed to avoid ''what the fuck, Diaz'', rallying to finally squeak out, "Well, that will make things easier this afternoon."


    I then spent the rest of the morning trying to carve my ''internal Mana flow'' into the rods. The Copper just melted. The Wood burst into flame, but the char marks looked vaguely like the lines on Doc''s rod. The one glass one I tried wound up with an almost picture perfect copy of Doc''s rod. Then it exploded.


    I still had glass dust sifting off me when I went to lunch. Saffron said she liked me sparkly. Apparently faerie cosplayers, kindergarten teachers, and strippers weren''t all wrong about the attractive qualities of glitter.


    When we got to work after lunch, Doc showed us how to inscribe the Filtration Ward by placing the Runes on the first floor. Floors two through six I tried to place them, which wound up with Saffron ''fixing'' them; basically erasing what I''d done and recreating them from scratch. When we got to the roof, Doc looked at me and said, "You can see the Ley Lines, you say?"


    I shrugged, and pointed to where the glare I assumed was the Southeast to Northwest line faded in the distance to the Southeast, then swiped my arm across to the Northwest, indicating the path of the glare. I did the same for the other line, then returned my finger to point at the disruption directly above our copper. "I see a kind of dull glare along both of those lines, and right where I''m pointing now is kind of turbulent. Like somebody pulled a chunk off of it and messed up the edges."


    As I finished, Saffron started laughing. I shot her a ''what the fuck, Saffron?'' look, and she immediately tried to explain through her laughter. "Damn, Diaz, didn''t anyone ever tell you not to stare at the Sun?"


    I shrugged, more than a little annoyed, and pointed to the Sun. "The Sun is there, I''m not looking at the Sun. I''m looking at two faded streaky things, one of which has some obvious damage."


    She got thoughtful at that, and Doc cut in with, "Well then. What you''ll need to do is connect your Mana to the Ley Line, then gently pull a portion of it down until it intersects with the top of the pole. I know the distance is hard to judge from here, but you only need pull it down a few inches. Observe."


    With that they reached one hand up like some kind of superhero telekinetic, pointing it at the Ley Line. After a minute or so the slightest bulge formed under the Ley Line, extending like a pseudopod to reach for the copper rod. I stepped up, put my hand in the same position, and said, "Okay, I see, let me try."


    "Of course. I''m letting go now." At the word ''now'', the Mana pseudopod snapped directly back into the Ley Line. I tried another half dozen times, with little to no success, before I looked at Doc and said, "If the Ley Line contacts the copper, what do I do then?"


    "Oh, you won''t need to do much at all, just hold it there a second until the rune at the top of the conduit kicks in."


    "Cool." I took off like a shot, jumping onto the copper rod and climbing it like a monkey. Not something I''d have tried three months ago, and my left arm signaled it had been struck by lightning and would hitherto be the limb formerly known as my arm, but I made it to the top. I clung to the pole with my right hand, forced my Mana to flow more or less normally through my left arm, then reached up further into the glare. I mean, my head already had pretty much breached the surface, and other than the glare getting really weird with me inside it, and a constant rushing noise around me, I''d experienced no negative effects so far.


    The moment my arm hit the glare, the constant random pain got way less random. The entire thing above me felt a little like a several yard wide bundle of string constantly flowing past me. Where it flowed around my arm, friction and heat burned it to a crisp moment by moment. I wrapped my elbow around an armload of the strings, then let myself slide down the pole until the glare intersected with the top of the pole.


    I held it there until, a few minutes later, the top of the pole kind of lit up, and the glare kind of wrapped itself around it. I unfolded my arm, careful not to disturb the flow, and slid down the pole.


    Saffron caught me as my left arm gave out right before I hit the roof, then proceeded to poke and prod at my arm, leaving spikes of pain driven through it as she did so. "By all rights, you should be short an arm right now."


    "Eh. Tried that. Didn''t take."


    She smacked at my shoulder. My left shoulder. "Goof. I like you in one piece. Try not to get yourself killed before I die, okay?"


    I put my arms around her, stealing a quick hug. "I like you in one piece too, but no promises. You know I''ll forget all about it whenever death is on the line."

 Day Sixty Six

    Dear Diary,


    So after the past couple of days, getting back to my normal class schedule felt like a vacation.


    Saffron stayed with me last night, and Marie brought a bath around. Slept like a baby. An exhausted, happy baby.


    We both woke up at more or less the same time, and as usual I spent most of my ''getting ready for the day'' time staring at Saffron. As she pulled her pants up, she said, "I''d think you''d get tired of that eventually."


    "Meh. I''m a simple woman. I see tits and ass, I press like."


    She just rolled her eyes and pulled her shirt around her, so I got up and pulled my own clothes on. We walked arm in arm all the way to the Dining Hall, which opened just in time for us to stroll right in without stopping. Some suspiciously Lancaster sounding jackass took the opportunity to say, "Disgusting. Bag Bitches pawing all over each other."


    I would have let it go as my minimum daily requirement of Lancaster bullshit, but Saffron wasn''t having it today. She turned around, me following her lead, and stepped right up into Lancaster''s personal space without ever actually touching him and said, "What were you too much of a coward to say to my face, Cadet Lancaster?"


    Silence rippled outward from the pair; I just watched, my arm still linked with Saffron''s. Lancaster glared at her and said, "You''re real brave with your freak Bag girlfriend backing you up."


    "And you''re real brave when people can''t see what you''re doing." I watched Lancaster''s face, ready to step in if he started something.


    He got a little red in the face, but choked out, "Disgusting Bag Bitches, pawing all over each other, not a properly respectful bone between them."


    "We''re perfectly fine with the absence of ''bones'', Cadet Lancaster. As for the rest, I''ll see you in the Practice Yard on Sunday." Then she turned her back on him and led me to the ROTC table.


    I leaned over just before we parted to get to our normal seats and whispered, "You''ve got a really nice ass for such a badass."


    Before I could move my recalcitrant left arm to get even a passing grab, she slipped her arm free of me and, in passing, ran her hand across my ass, "Right back at you, Goof." By the time I recovered, she''d already sat down.


    Breakfast contained many spicy eggs and loaves of dark bread. I noted purely by smell that someone in the Dining Hall got bacon with breakfast, but didn''t have the fucks to give to do anything about it. It would not surprise me if Lancaster, who I assumed hailed from the same spot as Lancaster County back in the world of Eastside, which was one of the bigger meat producing areas in the region, had pulled strings to get extras delivered.


    So breakfast went as breakfast do, and we all left a little early to avoid crossing paths with the Barbie Brigade in the hallway. No worries if they jumped us, because not only would it be four on three, despite Rosen and Rider being veritable giants among men, I''d beaten all three before solo, Angel could outlift any of them, Saffron is the baddest of bitches, and if anybody knew when to hold back to avoid getting in the way and when to jump in to help, it was Bill.


    The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.


    We got to class and Doc DeLeon had already put a big map of the Eastern Mediterranean up on the front wall of the classroom. Once he had all of us in our seats, he started in.


    "As I mentioned last week, today we''ll be moving away from Atlantean Cities and beginning to study Europan ones. While our study of Atlantean cities was far from exhaustive, and we''ll no doubt return to them, we''ve already covered all of the potential local threats, and the older, stronger, more established Europan Cities have been known to mount expeditions to Atlantis for a variety of reasons."


    I raised a hand, and when Doc DeLeon called on me asked, "why would they spend that much just to come throw down here?"


    "Good question. Can anyone answer Cadet Diaz'' question?" he paused a moment, then said, "Cadet Lancaster?"


    "To demonstrate their power."


    "Not wrong, but not complete. Cadet Aetos," he pointed at Saffron.


    She immediately replied with, "Trade routes, piracy, and diplomatic failures."


    Doc DeLeon nodded, "an excellent summation. Does anyone else have anything to add? Cadet Aetos," this time he pointed at Raven.


    "The Spartans and Trojans can''t bear the idea of anything like a true democracy existing."


    "Excellent. That last, in fact, is the most pertinent reason we study the Cities of the Greek peninsula, as Sparta has often targeted Phileo City for just that reason, and while they''ve yet to lead an alliance against us, they''ve done so against both Athens and Reme."


    Reme. Huh. Quick glance at the map showed me a couple city states in the boot-shaped peninsula I thought of as ''Italy''. That explained why no Italian Market. I wrenched my brain back around to the prof after he took a pull from his water and continued. "Now, can anyone tell me which City we''ll be studying first, and why?"


    That got a few people muttering to their neighbors, but almost immediately Lancaster''s hand shot up, "Sparta, because of their unparalleled military might."


    "Sparta is a militaristic City, and they pride themselves on that, but no. Also, their military, unlike the City we''ll be studying first, has been defeated on multiple occasions."


    Saffron raised her hand and said, "Athens, because our democracy is loosely modeled on theirs, and they''ve done the most rigorous examinations of Mana and its uses in Europa?"


    Doc DeLeon shook his head. "No, although both of your reasons have the virtue of being correct. Rosen?"


    Rosen took a moment before replying, "Venice, because of their dominance of trade along the coast of Europa?"


    "No, although it bears stating that Venice is not, in fact, on the Greek peninsula. Morson?"


    "Corinth, because they''ve got the best engineers in Europa?"


    The prof shook his head, replying, "That reason is debatable, but Corinth does have fine engineers. Anyone else?"


    I stuck my hand up, more to show willing than anything. "Uh, Thebes? I have no fucking clue why, I just picked one off the map."


    Doc DeLeon winced when I''d said Thebes, and the whole class laughed at my reasoning. "I am both surprised that you got the correct answer and completely unsurprised at how you arrived at your answer. Now, does anyone know why we''ll be studying Thebes? Cadet Lancaster?"


    Larry surprised me by finally opening his mouth and not having a sneer come out. Instead he had the hesitant yet proud tone of someone who''d just figured out something important. "Because they''ve never lost a major battle, because of the Brotherhood of Thebes, and we''ve based our own Heroic military loosely on theirs?"


    "Excellent! Can you tell me any specifics of the Brotherhood?"


    Lancaster shook his head, but Bill raised his hand. When the teacher called on him, he explained, "They were limited to one hundred in number, and every member of the Brotherhood had to take a lover from within the Brotherhood?"


    As DeLeon nodded, gushed a little, and started in on ''important facts and figures about Thebes'', all I could think was, that would explain the general lack of homophobia hereabouts.

 Day Sixty Seven

    Dear Diary,


    So no bath last night, but Saffron and I comforted each other in this, our time of deprivation. Actually, that might be a concern after graduation; we''d both be working Heroes, and I had no idea how often Heroes worked in pairs, or had time off for personal lives. Yes, I am capable of thinking about the future. Mine had just sucked so bad back in Camden that I''d gotten out of the habit.


    As I watched her dress, she said, "Grandma is bringing Isnomi tonight, so I''ll be staying in my own room. I''ve been spending my Tuesday and Friday afternoons with you, so I really need to spend more time with her, even if we spend most of it sleeping."


    I shrugged, trying to hide my disappointment and tension. I''d only had one bad nightmare last night, and barely remembered waking up in Saffron''s arms as she murmured sleepy comforting noises at me. The boring nightmare took up most of the night and left me in that weird state it always did, but frankly I''d been getting used to that. I''m still gonna blame my next suggestion on it though. "Hey, I know it''s a break from routine, but I could maybe stay with you two tonight?"


    That got her to stop with one hand on each shirt lace, holding the shirt open while she pondered. Whether she said yes or no, that image definitely went directly into the bean-flicking bank for later nights on my own. After maybe thirty seconds of pausing and posing, she replied, "I''m not entirely copacetic with you maybe waking Isnomi in the middle of the night, but," she sighed, shaking her head, "I''m going to regret this, but okay, let''s try it."


    I leapt out of bed, scooped her up in my arms, the left one of course shattering both with my leap and my scoop, and kissed her thoroughly. When I let go of her, she dropped to her feet and something yanked me toward her from behind. I stumbled into her, grabbed her up again, and managed to direct our mutual topple onto the bed. It took me longer than I''d like to admit to realize she''d tied her shirt laces behind my back. I blame the continued canoodling. Very continued. We wound up getting to breakfast way late.


    Today in Heroic Skills Doc Roberts had us working on different kinds of Wards. Doc had me put up my own Mana Ward for Saffron and me to practice in. As usual, I fucked it up in a way they hadn''t seen before. I figured more power is better when it comes to keeping everyone else safe, so I just dumped as much as I could into it. It came up opaque and glowing dimly.


    "Cadet Diaz, are you in there?"


    "Yeah, Doc. Oops?"


    "Check the Mana counter."


    I hadn''t looked at the thing since it pretty much never registered anything, with the exception of a few ticks when I got sloppy with my Mana Blade, but it never got out of the ''Safe'' zone, even then. Now it''s needle hovered right in the middle of the ''Safe'' zone. "Uh, safe. Some residue, but firmly in the Safe zone."


    They sighed, "That''s acceptable, then, especially since the excess is likely contained within the Ward. Cadet Aetos, are you feeling well?"


    "I am, Doctor Roberts. Should we drop the Ward and recreate it?"


    "No, it''s quite all right. Just don''t get up to anything inappropriate just because we can''t see you two."


    "Who, us?" That got a laugh out of the rest of the class. I think I even heard Rosen laughing.


    Of course I had to pull Saffron onto my lap after that, but other than that I kept my hands to myself. She spent the entire morning practicing the Wards Doc showed us last week. Mana Ward pretty much kept Mana from passing from one side to the other. Apparently with enough power behind it, that included the Mana in living things. Alarm Ward did exactly what it said on the tin; set off an alarm if anything crossed it. With enough control it could be set to allow small things to come through, which meant it wouldn''t go off from, like, bugs and shit. Filtration Ward was probably the most complex ward we''d learned, and Doc taught us that while we worked to fix the Filtration Wards on the Dormitories. It could be set to filter anything the person Shaping it wanted. I hadn''t tried it, because I just saw myself setting it to filter air and suffocating in my own little air pocket.


    By the afternoon Saffron had Alarm Ward and Filtration Ward Skilled up, because she was absolutely willing to abuse the hell out of the entire ''I have stupid amounts of Mana to supply her, and practicing gets me very little other than tired'' thing. I mean yeah, I''ve gotten pretty fast with the things I know, but I''ve already hit a point where I''m not noticing myself getting faster. I figure once the damn Status screen lets me accumulate Skills I''ll just powerlevel the shit out of the things I know.


    Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    At any rate, she spent the afternoon tinkering with Filtration Ward, trying to see how small she could get it, if she could vary the shape, seeing if she could get it to move. She had the most success with making it smaller; by the time Doc told the class to start wrapping things up, she''d managed to get it down to the size of a marble. A small one, not the big shooter marble size. She had, like, zero success with making a movable Ward, but in terms of shape she managed a passable oblong. Of course whenever Doc asked, we told him we were practicing our Warding. Just to be sure we''d have evidence of being Good Girls and Not Shagging In The Classroom, I popped off an Inspect.


    "You unbelievable bitch," I said, barely able to get that phrase out through my laughter.


    Of course Saffron had seen me doing my Inspect, so she whipped her hands through the motions for Status. When she scrolled down far enough, she started laughing too. "Complaints, Goof?"


    Ignoring the inquisitive sounds from outside our opaque Mana Ward, I pulled her in for a kiss. When she pulled away, I said, "Not a damn one."


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    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    NAME


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    Saffron Aetos


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    RACE


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    Hybrid


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    HYBRID


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    Bag (12.5%) / Human (87.5%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    AGE


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    Young Adult


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    ATTRIBUTES


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    STRENGTH


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    AGILITY


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    ENDURANCE


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    REASON


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    MEMORY


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    5


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    PERSONALITY


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    AFFINITIES


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    Air (6.25%) / Earth (9.375%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    PATRON


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    Artemis


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    STATUS


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    1 (++)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    MANA SHAPING


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    1 (+++)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    INSPECT


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    1 (+)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    ASSESS HEALTH


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    1


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    MANA WARD


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    1 (+)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    MANA BLADE


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    1 (+)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    CANOODLING


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    1 (+)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    ALARM WARD


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    1


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    FILTRATION WARD


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    1(+)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="33%">


    RACIAL SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="66%">


    None


    </td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>

 Day Sixty Eight

    Dear Diary,


    Last night was... nice? Yeah. Let''s go with nice.


    After dinner Saffron and I stopped by the Infirmary to pick up Isnomi. I said hi to Grandma Aetos, and she poked me in the belly and said, "You need to eat more."


    Saffron and I looked at each other and started laughing. Her little crotch goblin even started doing that coo-laugh thing little kids do sometimes. "I''ll try, Grandma Aetos."


    Saffron spun to put herself between me and her little one. "No eating Isnomi!" She barely got it out through her laughter. Grandma just threw her hands in the air and said, "I''ll see you tomorrow night."


    When we got back to Saffron''s room, I noticed that along with her fancy knife and goblet, Saffron had added a picture of a rampant bear. Not my thing, but it still looked pretty cool. She also had a cradle in the room. For a second I wondered at having a cradle but no crib, but only for a second. The Spartan decorations in the room wound up being de facto baby proofing, what with everything being made out of really sturdy wood. I guess if she started toddling Saffron would have to maybe cover more of the floor so she didn''t smash her head when she fell down. That''s one other thing Saffron''s room had over mine; she''d scored a big bearskin rug somewhere, and it covered most of the middle of the floor.


    So we sat up for a while talking about nothing much and playing peek a boo with Isnomi. I tried to remember the section of my old Eastside Health class where we talked about child care, and did a few of the exercise things I could remember. That pretty much amounted to letting her grab my fingers and push and pull them around, and gently grabbing her chubby little ankles and moving her legs like you''d do on a bicycle. Saffron gave me a weird look at that, but Isnomi seemed to like it, at least at first. I mean, she didn''t stop liking it, but Saffron and I both heard her fill her diaper. Saffron sighed and pulled some cloths and a fresh diaper out of her armoire and tossed them to me.


    "It''s been a while since I changed a diaper, and I''ve never changed a cloth one."


    "No time like the present to learn." After a moment, while I tried to figure out how to undo Isnomi''s old diaper, she asked, "what did they make diapers from back home?"


    I opened my mouth, but before I could say anything I realized she''d been wrong about Eastside being ''home''. I didn''t say anything to her about it, because not only didn''t I know if she was ready for that conversation, I knew I really wasn''t ready for it at the moment. As I unfolded the old diaper and wiped little yellow baby poo curds off Isnomi''s general butt region, I said, "Mostly paper and plastic, I think. Like, really soft absorbent paper cloth, with special even more absorbent plastics in a waterproof plastic outer layer."


    Once I''d got the poo off of Isnomi, I handed the entire poo-infused bundle of cloth to Saffron, and she handed me the clean diaper. "I think you''ve mentioned plastic before. What is it?"


    As I tried to fold the diaper up so it stayed on I said, "there are lots of different kinds. Some of them are flexible, some are hard, some in between. I think they''re made out of oil? Like, crude oil?"


    She sighed, "Sometimes the place you''re from seems like a paradise."


    "Oh, hell to the no. I mean, maybe it was for rich folks, but for us poor folks? Half the time we wound up buying cheap plastic shit every month, every year, because we couldn''t afford to drop the cash to buy one thing that would last for years. Just a never ending cycle of poverty." By now I''d completely fucked up putting Isnomi''s diaper on, and she''d started to fuss. Saffron leaned in and folded the edges of the diaper in on themselves in some kind of Mom magic diaper origami, then lifted Isnomi up and, after loosening her shirt, attached her to a tit. I sat down behind Saffron, one leg to either side of her, and massaged her shoulders while she fed the little one. My left hand registered its protest by lighting itself on fire, but I summarily ignored it.


    After some incoherent noises, Saffron said, "If you keep that up, I''m gonna fall asleep right here."


    "Oh, that won''t do at all." But I kept the massage up until Isnomi made Ultimate Happy Baby noises; itty bitty baby snores. "Heh. Do you think we should take the hint?" I whispered.


    Saffron leaned back into me and said, "probably." We sat there like that for a while, her leaned against me, my arms around her and Isnomi. Eventually Saffron shook her head and said, "Can you help me up?"


    I managed to get to my feet without disturbing the crotch goblin enough to wake her, then leaned down and gently slid my arms around Saffron and lifted her in a princess carry. My left tried to shirk by exploding, but I wasn''t having any of it. She squeaked a tiny, stifled squeak and shot me an ''annoyed but not really'' look. I set her on the bed then undressed her, one item at a time, careful not to move Isnomi enough to wake her. Once she sat there completely naked, I just stared for a bit. Other than getting dressed in the morning, I didn''t often get a chance to just look at her. Eventually she raised an eyebrow, so I stripped down myself, then nudged her until she lay on her right side. I went over and turned off the light, then lay down behind her before snuggling up. I couldn''t resist a tiny little comment. "We''re like a set of measuring spoons. Tablespoon, teaspoon, quarter teaspoon."


    She snorted a tiny little quiet snort. "Not like we could sleep any other way with three of us on a bed this tiny."


    "Complaints?"


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    "Not a damn one. Good night, Goof. I love you."


    I must have been half asleep, because I didn''t react to that other than to say, "Love you too, Saffron. Good night."


    The only dream I had was one where I lay in the chest, mostly bored, but something outside sang soothing songs to me until I fell asleep and woke up.


    At that point, I woke up to someone chewing on my ear. Saffron, knowing my reactions to someone invading my ears, had done so once or twice on purpose while engaging in shenanigans. She''d never drooled quite so much as whoever woke me up, though. I forced my eyes open to see the wireframe back of Saffron''s head obscured by wireframe baby belly. "Aaarrgh! Baby drool in my ear! Blech, blech, blech!" I kept my protests down to a conversational level, because I wasn''t gonna scare the poor little thing on purpose. She started giggling, so I twisted around to slide myself out of bed, then picked her up and blew raspberries on her belly until she giggled loud enough to wake Saffron.


    "C''n we get s''m light?"


    I picked Isnomi up as I stood, and by the time I''d slid the light open enough for us to get dressed, Isnomi had wriggled around enough to grab my ears and try nomming my nose. Saffron waved her arms in a ''gimme'' gesture, so I detached the cute little crotch goblin from my face and handed her over. Saffron plonked her onto a tit and just sat there half asleep while Isnomi had her breakfast. Lucky little shitter. Right as I picked up my clothes to get started with my day, Marie knocked on the door. I went over opened it up, and let her in. She had a single serving sized tray on her cart, which she shifted over to Saffron''s desk.


    She turned to me and smiled, "Breakfast?"


    I shook my head, "Nah. I''ve got to get to class, and if I stay for breakfast, shenanigans may ensue." I then got dressed with both of them watching me. It''s the weirdest mix of scary and awesome to have someone stare like that. Scary, because it''s a sort of one-way intimacy; awesome because I knew they both enjoyed the view too much to interrupt. Once I was fully dressed, Marie squeaked her cart out the door, and I bent over to kiss Saffron on the forehead, but she tipped her head back and met my lips with hers.


    "Have a nice day in class, dear."


    I snorted, "In Remedial Celtic? That''s asking a lot, but I''ll try."


    Weirdest thing? I really did have a nice day. Lyman stepped me through making a really nice ''Saffron is Best Paramour'', and by the end of class my signature looked signaturey enough for me to sign it at the bottom. I sanded that one and set it aside to dry; by the time lunch rolled around it had dried enough for me to fold it up and seal it. I took it with me to lunch and gave it to Saffron.


    "What''s this?"


    "Present. Don''t open it till we get back to our rooms, okay?"


    "Rooms? You don''t want me over tonight?"


    I flinched, "Gah! You know what I mean. Don''t open it until we get home tonight. In a room. Whichever one you like."


    She chuckled at me, "I know that Goof. Just messing with you."


    So after attempting epic meal time on some Shoe Leather Beef, Saffron led me down to the Ladies'' Infirmary. I mean, I thought we''d been going to meet Doc at the dorm entrance, but no, Saffron pulled me past the entrance, around the corner, and into the Infirmary, shushing me every time I asked where we were going and why.


    "Good Afternoon Sister Siobhan!" Saffron announced us before I could sneak out the door.


    Sister Siobhan looked up with the big eyes and wide grin that reminded me far too much of her attitude on Court Martial day, and my left arm started tingling. "Saffron! Good afternoon! I see you''ve brought our Heroine!"


    I tried to laugh that off, "Nah, not till I graduate, and that''s not for a while yet, I''m guessing."


    She shook her head and replied, "Tabitha, after what you did for Bill, all without flinching, I will always think of you so, no matter what else happens."


    I grinned at her, "even if I turn to the dark side and seduce you?"


    I have never seen someone''s face get so red so fast before. She spluttered a while, before finally managing to say, "what can I do for you girls today?"


    Saffron answered before I had a chance. "We were hoping you could examine Tabitha''s arm again."


    Sister Siobhan shook her head, slowly and sadly. "I will, but like I told you before, Saffron, injuries like that do not heal. Not short of divine intervention, at any rate." She led me to a stool, sat me down, and had me strip off the left side of my jacket and shirt. My left elbow exploded with the worst case of tennis elbow in history, but another quick blush from Sister Siobhan when she realized I had neither chemise nor corset under my shirt made it all worthwhile. Once she had my arm bare, she bowed her head, said a short prayer, then ran the palm of her hand along my arm, starting at my hand and working upward. As her hand passed my elbow, she froze. My arm started tingling again as she pulled away, repeated her little prayer, then ran her palm over my arm again. This time when she got past my elbow she looked at me and asked, "Has the pain in your arm receded?"


    "I mean, my shoulder aches a little now and then, but that could be from me carrying my arm weird from the pain. I guess my upper arm is hurting less? But my elbow still tries to convince me it''s burning itself to ash every time I bend it. Or straighten it. Or put any weight on it. Or use it in any way. Or anyone touches it."


    She didn''t say anything, just stood there staring. I couldn''t even see her breathing. As I stared back, her eyes rolled back in her head and her knees buckled. I leapt off the stool and managed to get my left arm around her before her knees hit the floor, then scooped her up with my right and, despite the ongoing assertion of my left elbow that it had fucked off for the moon using rocket propulsion, laid her gently on the nearest cot. Her eyes fluttered open, and Saffron pulled me away from the bed.


    "Sister, are you all right?" she asked.


    "Miraculous." Sister Siobhan breathed the word out with a tone of voice I normally saved for post-coital bliss. My arm kept up the fucking tingling, although it lit itself on fire when Saffron pulled me toward the door.


    "Sorry to leave so soon, Sister, but we''ve got to get going," here she looked at me, wry humor clear on her face. "Before something just happens to make us late meeting Doctor Roberts."


    Of course, with Saffron hammering me over the head with it like that, I got her reference. Once we were safely in the hall with the door closed behind us, I whispered, "Really, Saffron? Didn''t you say she''s got that vow of needing to be chased?"


    She snorted out a laugh and said, "Vow of Chastity, Goof. And I recognized that look on her face. Same one I had three Thorsday''s ago."


    I counter-snorted and said, "Pfft. You make it sound like I''m some kind of hot commodity or something."


    "Of course not. Commodities are traded, and I''m not about to trade you."


    "D''aww. You''re so cute when you''re possessive."


    She just rolled her eyes and draped herself over my arm. If not for the refractory fabric of her jacket, my arm would have been exploding between her tits as she said, "Grr. Mine! Mine! All Mine!"


    I chuckled, "I think Marie might have something to say about that, no?"


    "Mine too! All mine!"


    That got me laughing so hard I couldn''t bring myself to care how much laughing with her attached to my left arm hurt, and feeling her purr through my arm was just the icing on the cake.


    Damn it feels nice to be wanted.

 Day Sixty Nine

    Dear Diary,


    So, just one bad nightmare last night. Barely woke me up. Just having Saffron there let me go back to sleep. Then I got the boring one that lasted until I woke up, but that''s pretty much not even worth mentioning at this point. ''Trapped in a box! Oh, no! Anyway''.


    So this week in PT we wound up doing pretty much the same as last week, except duBois had us work with our ''alternate partners'' for the first half of the day. Relying on Lancaster to hold me up wasn''t fun, but he only dropped me three times. The first might have been an honest mistake, the second time coincidence, but the third time as I rolled out of the fall, duBois got in Lancaster''s face.


    "Lancaster, you''ve dropped Diaz more times today than you''ve dropped Rosen and Rider since we started paired exercises. Do you not get what ''working with someone you don''t like'' means?"


    "She wobbles around."


    "She wobbles around what?"


    Lancaster looked like he''d swallowed a Squadball, but he forced out, "She wobbles around, Sir!"


    "Y''know, if you''d dropped her once, I wouldn''t have noticed. If you''d kept it to twice, I wouldn''t have been watching. But you had to push it a third time. Your job is to keep your arm straight; hers is to balance on it. You shouldn''t be moving your arm. You don''t do that when you''re working with the Dan Cadets, I expect you to try at least as hard with the rest of the class." He loomed over Lancaster, and for all his faults, Lancaster finally took the hint.


    He turned to face me and, with a look on his face like he''d just had a lemon shoved so far up his ass he was choking on it, said, "I''m sorry, Diaz. Sabotaging a jumped-up Bag is beneath a Lancaster. I won''t do it again."


    I waited, but it looked like duBois wanted me to respond. "You''d think a Lancaster would be better at apologizing." I held up a hand to interrupt his rant, "Just don''t let it happen again, okay?"


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    He nodded, and we went back to practicing. Now that he knew duBois'' had his eye on us, Lancaster wasn''t a half bad practice partner. Just about my height, just about my weight, he had a little bit more upper body strength than me, I had more lower body. That helped even more when duBois called us together and went through the steps of the Tango with us. Once he''d taken us each for a spin to show us how to do it, duBois set us to dancing with our alternate partners. I insisted on leading for the first half to avoid last week''s shenanigans. Lancaster fumed, but with duBois'' eyes on us, he couldn''t really fake stuff, so we managed to get to the end of the first half without him running away or me killing him.


    At lunch we had breakfast-for-lunch; spicy eggs and jalapeno scrapple. A little weird having it for lunch instead of breakfast, but as its my favorite I''m not going to complain.


    After lunch we got back to Tangoing, but this time I had Saffron back. We wowed everyone during the first hour when I remembered a couple fancy moves from one of those dancing reality shows. I wouldn''t have tried them two months ago, but between all the Strength and Agility training duBois had us doing, not to mention how tiny Saffron was, I managed to pull them off with a reasonable amount of success.


    Then we switched places and learned that a lot of the really cool Tango moves require the lead to be at least vaguely near their partner''s weight. When an attempted dip turned into me pulling Saffron over, I surprised myself by tossing her back upright, then bouncing off my hands and getting back up without actually having my ass hit the pavement. After that we didn''t try that particular move again, but at least once she managed to get enough momentum to flip me up over her head. Almost as bad as the dip in terms of physics not liking us trying it, but we''d practiced it for weeks now, so we managed to tell physics to fuck the hell off for the moment.


    For dinner we got steaks again, along with some ground beef patties floating in gravy. Everybody at the table wanted to try my impromptu gravy burgers, so I spent way more time and energy slicing bread than I wanted to. I mean yeah, I could have said ''no'', but then the gobbos would make puppy dog eyes at me. At some point I really ought to stop calling them that, at least the ones who sat at our table. They''d started following our example, and while they didn''t have it down to a habit yet, they tried.


    I dunno, maybe ''Junior ROTCs''? Don''t ask me, I''m allergic to organization. But Saffron tells me my ass makes up for it, so it''s all good, right?

 Day Seventy

    Dear Diary,


    Remind me to be very careful about how much I piss Saffron off.


    I mean, I don''t generally want her actually pissed at me, and hopefully I''m not enough of an asshole to get her that pissed without noticing, but still.


    So today started pretty well. Only the one boring nightmare last night, and other than my left elbow trying to immolate itself in protest of being attached to me, I got a decent night''s sleep. I even woke up early, only to find Saffron already awake and lying on top of me, she''d have been staring at my face except her eyes were closed.


    "How long have you been up?" I asked.


    At first she just smiled at me, then she said, "Since the maids made their first laundry pass."


    "Oh, shit!" I rolled her off of me and pushed the light about halfway up, scrambling for a clean uniform.


    Saffron burst out laughing. "Leave it to you to not even know Marie normally comes to your room on the second pass."


    I paused with one leg halfway into a pair of entirely-too-small pants. "So we''re not late for breakfast?"


    She stretched enough that I heard things popping as she arched backwards, bracing herself up by her feet and shoulders. "Not even close. We''ve got about an hour before the Dining Hall opens up." She finished stretching, rolled over to lie on her side, propping her head up with one arm, and said, "That''s a novel way to try to get into my pants, Goof."


    I leapt for the bed without bothering to pull my leg out of Saffron''s pants. Shenanigans ensued.


    I made a mental note as we got dressed that I ought to apologize to Marie for making her fix Saffron''s pants. I mean, unlike the previous uniforms I''d ruined, I claim total responsibility for this one.


    Breakfast had returned almost to normal. We got endless spicy eggs, one tray of spicy scrapple, and quite a few trays of sausage, not to mention the ubiquitous bread. No bacon, even though I''m sure I smelled some over in the direction of the Barbie Brigade table.


    When we got to the Practice Yard, Saffron walked straight up to duBois and spoke with him quietly for a few moments. I figured if she needed me to know she''d tell me, so I just stared at her ass until duBois nodded to her, then went back to eyes front. What with her being right in front of me, I had a decent view with eyes front anyhow. Once the boots stopped tromping as everyone got into formation, duBois said, "Cadet Aetos has made a request regarding sparring today. Cadet Aetos?"


    Saffron stepped out of formation, marched to the front row, continued until she stood in front of Lancaster, then backhanded him. She didn''t put her hips into it or anything, just a sudden swift slap. Before he could get a word out past his shock at being slapped, Saffron said, "Cadet Laurence Lancaster, you have insulted me grievously, and I demand satisfaction here and now. Apologize or face me in combat."


    Lancaster sneered at her. "You''ve made your last mistake, little Bag bitch. I choose live steel."


    I surprised myself when I felt a growl reverberating through my chest. Mostly because apparently Lancaster heard it too, and glanced over his shoulder with a look of pure terror. I almost missed DuBois lifting one hand to his face before saying, "First blood or submission. We don''t need Diaz losing another arm."


    Saffron nodded, and Lancaster did a moment later. Saffron looked at me and said, "Cadet Diaz, will you be my second?" I nodded and stepped over beside her. Lancaster picked Rider as his second, then the rest of the Cadets spread out to the edges of the notional center ''ring''.


    After we''d moved to our side of the ring, I leaned in and quietly said, "So what do I do as your second?"


    "You bring me my weapon, keep an eye out for cheating, which in this case pretty much devolves to deliberate kill shots and hitting me after if I surrender." Right about then I noticed Rider jogging toward the exit nearest the Men''s Dormitory. We hadn''t gotten around to fixing that Filtration Ward yet; at a guess she''d gone to fetch Lancaster his sword. Because of course the little shit had one.


    "I couldn''t help but notice the complete lack of swords in your room."


    "Just bring me one of the practice ones."


    I nodded and jogged off to collect one of the Shittiest Blades Ever from the shed where I''d found them back on my first day exploring the Yard. I grabbed the biggest and the smallest of the lot, not sure which she''d want. When I offered them to her, she shot me a crooked grin and said, "Leave it to you to go overboard in every direction possible." As Rider came back in through the doors carrying a fancy sheath with a fancy sword hilt and I assumed, a fancy sword inside, Saffron hefted the smaller blade out of my hands. After seeing Rider step back to the edge of the ring, I did as well.


    DuBois nodded once Saffron and Lancaster were armed and in their spots. "Are you certain you cannot resolve this peaceably?"


    "Certainly. All he need do is apologize."


    Lancaster sneered, although it paled a little when I started glaring at him. "I''m not apologizing to some jumped up little Bag bitch."


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    DuBois just shook his head at that and said, "Remember your rules of engagement; no deliberate kill shots, no hitting someone after a submission. Do you both understand those rules?"


    "Sir, yes sir!" both of them shouted.


    "Begin."


    Lancaster is a huge douchecanoe, but apparently he''d paid attention to his tutors when they taught him the use of a sword. The moment duBois said ''begin'', he leapt into action, lunging forward with his sheath, bringing his sword around in a wide slash. Saffron, holding the small sword in her right hand, used that to parry the sword slash. She leaned out of the way of the sheath, grabbed it right next to his hand, and yanked him forward. I heard the crack when her forehead met his face. She managed to get his sheath away from him as he stumbled backward, then flung it over to me. I managed to grab it out of the air with my left hand, despite my fingers'' insistence that they''d all fucked off for Miami on an AM non-stop flight.


    Despite getting his face hammered in a way that really should have drawn some blood, either from his nose or from a split lip, Lancaster came at her again. No sneer this time; he held his lips tightly shut as he chased her around the ring, getting closer with each lunge. As Saffron passed in front of me, she quietly said, "No."


    I gave up on my half formed plan involving Lancaster''s sheath and his kneecaps. With every lunge, Lancaster got a little closer to scoring a hit on her. He directed most of them straight at her face, leaving her little option but to get out of the way. Credit where it''s due, he never repeated that over the top initial lunge, staying far enough from her that she couldn''t reach him with her left hand. As they started their second lap around the ring, Saffron moved her retreat a little closer to the ring center, and he switched to a two-handed grip. She parried or ducked under slash after slash, each one getting closer to hitting her. Her few counterattacks lacked the reach to really threaten him, and he''d managed to tear up her jacket sleeves in retaliation when she did. I couldn''t be sure, but I thought I saw one of them darkening. I wasn''t about to say anything though, I just glared death at Lancaster instead.


    As they passed through the center of the ring, Lancaster got Saffron to react to a feint, and she barely got her blade back between her and Lancaster in time to stop a slash that otherwise would have gone right through her torso. Even though her sword stopped it from cutting too deep, he''d still managed to cut completely through her jacket, leaving two gaping holes. She stumbled backward, and Lancaster followed up with some kind of twisting lunge that threw her sword out of her hand. He lined up a lunge, and I tensed, half expecting another Infirmary sprint. Saffron shook her head, trying to clear it maybe, and Lancaster lunged.


    He stumbled about halfway to her, his lunge veering off to one side while she rolled the other way.


    She rolled to her feet as he recovered from his stumble, then started dancing away from him with both of her hands behind her like she''d done against me. I stopped glaring at Larry long enough to catch a glimpse of her hands, but she wasn''t making a Stabilize cat''s cradle with them. Instead, her left hand clenched over her right, which she''d squeezed into a fist. As Lancaster followed her, stumbling every step or two, she called out, "What''s the matter, Larry? Getting tired already?"


    He charged at her, and she stepped aside, then ducked under his slash as he stumbled past her. "Prostitutes must love you, Larry. Full night''s pay for sixty seconds of work." He stopped for a moment, catching his breath, sucking at his teeth, then screaming, "BITCH!" before charging at her. I saw the blood between his teeth when he did. I figured either duBois hadn''t noticed, or ''first blood'' only counted if it left Lancaster''s mouth. Larry tripped twice while charging, and Saffron just skipped backwards out of the way again.


    "Poor Larry, didn''t your tutors teach you that brushing your teeth on the regular will stop bleeding gums?" I had to admit, while Saffron''s taunts seemed a little weak with all the thinking they required, they hit home with Larry just fine. He roared again, charged her, tripped, and faceplanted right in front of her. She leapt over his sword, twisting and landing with her knees square in the middle of Larry''s back. He tried to push himself up, but only managed to lift himself high enough to smash his nose thoroughly when he faceplanted. He pushed himself up again, screaming imprecations at Saffron, even swearing about me for some reason. I chose the path of maturity and didn''t reply. Okay, I was laughing too hard to reply, but I managed to hold enough of it in that I didn''t drop Saffron''s backup or his sheath.


    The third time Larry tried to push himself up out of the puddle of spit and blood beneath his face, Saffron turned to duBois and said, "I''m pretty sure that''s first blood right there, Marshall. Do you concur?"


    "Looks that way to me. You''ve lost, Lancaster." Right about then Larry collapsed face first into his own personal blood puddle. Saffron hopped to her feet, walked over to duBois and whispered something to him. Whatever she''d said, he straight up started laughing his ass off, barely managing to say, "Lancaster, just lie there for a few minutes. Trust me, the only way you''re getting up is if you crawl like a worm, and we both know you''re not going to do that." He turned to Rider and said, "Give him a sixty count, then help him to the Infirmary."


    Saffron skipped over to me, and I bent down to give her a quick victory kiss. Almost chaste, since she still had her hands behind her back and my hands were full of sheath and ugly hunk of metal.


    Almost chaste. Tongues were involved, and I''m not sure, but I think penetration of any kind might be against the rules for that.


    When our liplock ended, I called out to Rider, who''d just started walking towards the prone Lancaster, "Rider, heads up!" I tossed her Lancaster''s sheath just as Saffron winced a little and called out, "Marshall, I need to visit the Infirmary."


    He looked at her, nodded, and said, "Diaz, escort her down. Please do keep the delays to a minimum?"


    The class laughed at that, Saffron and I included. When we got out of the Yard, she finally let go of her hand, pulling it around to her front and pressing it against her jacket.


    "You know bloodstains are a bitch to get out, right?"


    She looked up at me, "You saw that?"


    I shrugged. "I guessed. I''m guessing duBois allowed it since Lancaster managed to hide you splitting his lip." I shook my head, "I didn''t think Lancaster''s Endurance was that bad, to have him stumbling around after what, sixty seconds?"


    She smiled up at me as we walked, "Oh, I wouldn''t blame it on that."


    I just kind of cocked my head at her, the question clear on my face. She chuckled and said, "Watching you do all that weird Shaping got me thinking about how hands aren''t needed to Shape Mana so much as exerting your will on your Mana as it leaves you. Filtration Ward is a much handier Spell than I''d previously realized."


    "How many?"


    "I lost count. Skills really do make Spells more Mana efficient. The big ones at ankle level set to trip him up still took it out of me, big time. I''m kinda woozy at any rate." With that, she slumped over. Fortunately, toward me, so I scooped her up and carried her the rest of the way to the Infirmary.


    What can I say except ''My chick bad, badder than yours''?

 Day Seventy One

    Dear Diary,


    Last night got a little rough. Endless repetitions of basic sword attacks and parries left my arms sore, but weren''t quite enough of a core workout to leave me tired enough to sleep through most of the nightmares. I woke up screaming once, but managed to get back to sleep after sitting there shivering a while. Immediately dropped into Locked in a Box Boredom, woke up as I fell asleep in the box. I really need to sort out what''s causing those, because honestly that one fucks me up worse than the other one. Waking up screaming costs me sleep. Waking up as I''m going to sleep in my dream leaves me completely out of sorts.


    I crunched my way out my door, wondering idly why they kept putting the Devotional enchantment back on my door. Gotta be some kind of bureaucratic bullshit going on. Or Sister Trease. ''Stupid and annoying'', thy name is Trease.


    At breakfast we got the full spread, including bacon. I kinda felt bad about the other ROTCs missing it, so I nabbed half of the last tray of bacon. The other three didn''t say anything, although Raven raised an eyebrow. Before heading out for the day, I walked down to Saffron''s room and crunched my way in. She knelt on the floor in front of her shrine, Isnomi leaning back against her thighs. She looked up at me, surprise and annoyance in equal measure on her face and in her voice. "The fuck, Diaz?"


    "Bacon''s back on the menu, figured I''d drop some off for you."


    "I''m supposed to be fasting."


    I shrugged, set about half of the bacon on her desk, and left with a whispered, "Sorry. See you tomorrow?" She rolled her eyes and nodded before I got the door closed. I visited Angel and Bill, leaving half of what remained for each of them. Angel took the visit in stride, asking me to set the bacon on her Altar, and Bill straight up took it out of my hands and started eating. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.


    I let the Guards know I''d be staying on the grounds today, then walked over to the west side of the Academy''s hill, where I could see the Schuylkill river flowing toward the Delaware. I sat down on the grass and said, "Hey Loki, you up to loafing around talking today?"


    Between one moment and the next he appeared, sitting facing the river with his knees drawn up in front of him. I walked over behind him and dropped to my knees, leaving me a great angle to get to his shoulders. I reached over and started massaging them. My left hand chose that moment to burn itself in effigy, but I shoved mana into my left arm until the whole thing screamed in protest; when I stopped it still fucked off to Bora Bora, but it did what I told it to and kept working Loki''s shoulder. He managed to groan out, "I thought I said no flirting?"


    I rolled my eyes, but never stopped working on his shoulders, which were about as tense as you''d expect from someone being tortured constantly for millennia on end. "Not every physical contact is flirting. Hell, not even every intimate physical contact is flirting. Although if this counts as flirting with Sigyn, I''ll allow it."


    He leaned his head back to look me in the eye. "I never thought you were so rules oriented?"


    "Pfft. You must be rubbing off on me. Want me to stop?" He just groaned and flopped his head back forward. "Seriously, if you want me to stop, just say so. Also, if you want me to come visit and give you and Sigyn some alone time, just let me know in advance so I can be dressed for the occasion, okay?"


    "Mmm. Next Monday?"


    "You got it, boss."


    We sat there for a while like that, until his shoulders felt less ''rock hard'' and more ''heavy clay''. Without saying anything, I rolled him over, straddled his waist, and went to work on the rest of his back. "You know, I could reach your whole back better if you were a little smaller."


    Without a word, he shrank down until I could reach his entire back without bending over too far. After a minute or so, he asked, "I must know, how did you know I could even feel this?"


    "You lost track of my hand when I Blended."


    He nodded without ever lifting his head from his arms. After a while I asked, "Mind if I ask a few questions while I''ve got you here?"


    "Right now I think I would grant you any boon save those that would annoy my wife." He didn''t groan, but his voice never got far from it.


    I nodded, working on his back while I worked myself up to my next question. "What''s a Primordial?"


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    After a few moments'' silence, he said, "Primordials are the oldest beings that exist. Titans. Giants. Mor. Every pantheon has a few. They are embodiments of the primal forces of nature."


    I let that digest for a bit before asking, "So, they''re like Elder Gods?"


    I got the impression he wanted to shake his head, but didn''t because massage good. "No, that title goes to the children of Primordials. They frequently, but not always, have some connection to their Primordial parent''s portfolios."


    What with us not having anything pressing and a whole day to kill, I thought about that for a while as well before something popped out at me, "Wait, when you said ''Giants'', were you talking about Jotun? Err... Jotnar?"


    If he noticed my slip, he didn''t seem to care. "Some of them. Ymir, for example, is the embodiment of glaciers, of the pack ice that covers the poles of the world."


    "And what does Laufey represent?"


    He chuckled a little, "Just when I believe you''re as dim as you claim, you give that the lie by being far more perceptive than anyone who knows you would believe."


    "I have my moments. Laufey?"


    "Laufey who is Nal represents the trees which defy the cold and grow despite the frozen ground. Her very existence defies Ymir. I get my rebellious nature from her."


    I nodded, another piece falling into place. "So you''re an Elder God then?"


    "I am. Technically. As you have seen, I am hardly a Power to be feared, Elder God or not."


    "So. Gods, Elder Gods, and Primordials. Any others out there I should know about, what with the whole ''Champion and High Priestess'' thing?"


    He pushed himself up just enough to turn his head to look at me. "Don''t think me ungrateful, but I did not think you would take the titles seriously enough to study for them."


    I shrugged, plonking his head back down so I could work his shoulders again. "You''re my friend. You trusted me with something I kinda assume is important to you. I might be the laziest bitch on the planet, but I try not to let my friends down. Sometimes I even manage it."


    Loki snorted out, "friend," and shook his head a little.


    "You telling me you don''t want me as a friend?" My hands went still, the left acknowledging my cessation of movement by electrocuting itself.


    "Oh, far from it, I find your friendship a treasure beyond measure. But I laugh at myself, both that I''ve fallen so far as to be friends with a mortal, and that my self in my heyday would have been stupid enough to be angry with you for your incorrigible familiarity." My hands went back to work, and he groaned a little as I worked out a knot just below his shoulderblade.


    "So, any other rankings there?"


    "I suppose the complete list would be ''Demigod, God, Elder God, Primordial''."


    "If Elder Gods are the children of Primordials, how do Gods and Demigods happen?"


    Loki groaned a bit more as I kept working at that knot, then hissed as it finally relaxed. "Different ways. Gods are sometimes the children of Elder Gods; Fenris would be an excellent example. Others are Demigods that managed to accrue enough Glory to promote themselves to full Godhood. You''ve met one of those, and I recommend you stay on his good side."


    "The Smith?" I guessed.


    "No. The Monkey King. He''s a trickster, and quite possibly one of the more dangerous Gods in existence."


    "You''re talking about the short, hairy guy?"


    "That''s the one. Were he a different kind of vain, he would probably smite you for calling him short."


    I let that simmer a while and worked down to his lower back. "So, Gods are the children of Elder Gods or Demigods who got themselves promoted. How do Demigods happen?"


    "The most common method is when a God has a child with a mortal. I wouldn''t say you''ve met one, but I''m sure you saw Heracles next to Ares when we crashed his party."


    It took me a moment to remember the dude standing next to Bronze Age Roid Rage, but once I did I nodded, "Okay. you said most common. How did the Smith become a Demigod?"


    "How are you so certain that he is?"


    "I can''t see you being quite that afraid of a mortal."


    He shook his head, groaning as I worked out another knot. When he''d got his voice back, he said, "Again, your perception startles me at the oddest of times. A mortal who accrues enough Glory can become a Demigod."


    "How much?"


    He snorted, "Looking to become a Demigod?"


    I laughed, "I''d say the thought of that kind of power gets me off, but I''m not sure I want to risk winding up imprisoned forever."


    "You think you''d wind up at odds with the Gods so deeply they would treat you as they have me?"


    "Yeah, I can''t see me being anything but a Trickster, and you guys wind up getting the ass end of the deal way too often."


    That made him go silent a while. I finished up his back, scooted back a bit, and worked on his thighs. In between his groans I asked, "So how much Glory does someone need to become a Demigod?"


    He managed to force out, "enough to change themselves to retain Glory. Which is difficult, because no God would willingly hand over that much Glory to a mortal. The Smith is one example; he terrified some Demigods into giving him enough Glory to deify himself."


    "Huh. So if I wanted to be a Demigod, which I do not, I would need to do something so Glorious that my share would be enough for that?"


    That got a laugh out of him, one uninhibited by me mauling his back. "Oh, my precocious Champion and Priestess most High, should you ever change your mind, simply tell me. That would be the final path to Demigod of which I''m aware, to have another deity canonize you as a Demigod."


    "Really? I kinda thought you liked having me as a Champion and Priestess."


    "Despite my current straits, I am technically an Elder God. As such, I have rights and privileges, one of which is having a Demigod as my Champion and High Priestess."


    I nodded my understanding before asking, "Would you do it if you weren''t?"


    He went silent for a long while after that. Around noon, after I''d finished his feet and arms, he insisted we switch places. I hadn''t nearly as many awful knots as he did, thanks to bi-weekly Marie rubdowns, but he managed to make the few that he found let go. As the sun neared the horizon, he whispered, "Damn me for a fool, but yes, Tabitha Diaz, if you asked, I would."

 Day Seventy Two

    Dear Diary,


    So last night''s Nightmare count came to three, if you count the boring Locked in a Box one. I''m gonna keep counting it because even if I get sleep while I''m having it, I wind up walking around in a weird dream state for half the morning after waking up. Which I really ought to be used to by now, since that one is pretty much a nightly occurrence.


    Breakfast returned entirely to normal; bacon and Saffron at the table. Not that I''d eat Saffron. Okay, not in the literal sense. And not at the table right in front of everybody. I mean, I''ve got some class.


    Okay, you''re right, that''s a bald faced lie.


    I have no class. But apparently according to Saffron I''m cute, which makes up for it.


    Anyway, full spread this morning, although I noticed the other tables had mostly gone back to runny boiled eggs rather than spicy scrambled ones. I got a little envious of Doc DeLeon, who gets his own tray of spicy eggs. Not that I didn''t down like two trays by myself, but I had to share some of trays three and four, and he didn''t have to share his one.


    Huh. Never knew quite how greedy I could get over food.


    So after breakfast I walked Saffron back to the Infirmary to pick up Isnomi, then played peek a boo over Saffron''s shoulders while walking back to her dorm room.


    "I wish you could stay for the morning." Saffron sighed. "I love her dearly, but having an adult to talk with..." She trailed off, and I nodded my understanding.


    "I would, but Doc''s gonna know I straight up cut his class if I show up in the afternoon."


    "So don''t show up then?"


    My turn to sigh. "The sooner I get all that shit I broke fixed up, the sooner I can spend every Tuesday and Friday afternoon with you guys."


    She smiled up at me from where she''d knelt on the floor to play with Isnomi. "How very mature of you. I thought you hated being locked in a box?"


    I snorted, "I hate being locked in a box, yeah, but I''m not locked in then. I want to be there."


    That got a laugh out of her. "How very feline of you." She picked Isnomi up and stood, walking over to where I leaned against the doorframe. "Well, you''d best be going. If you''re not going to skip class, you ought to be on time."


    I leaned over and gave her a kiss, then blew a raspberry on Isnomi''s tummy until she giggled. "See you after class?"


    "See you then, love."


    I walked to Remedial Mana Shaping with baby giggles and Saffron calling me ''love'' filling my brain. On the way I stopped by my room and dropped half a handful of bacon on my Shrine. I figure if Angel thinks it''s good enough for Artemis, Loki might appreciate it.


    Only if you bring me some next Monday.


    So today in Mana Shaping Doc had me making Mana Wards, dialing back the amount of Mana I put in until I managed to make one as see through as his or Saffron''s. When I''d managed that, before they could set me to doing it over and over until my brain gave out, I asked them, "Is it possible to make a Ward that moves?"


    They paused, thinking, before replying, "I believe so, although I personally don''t know how. I take it you''ve been working on doing so?"


    I shook my head, "Nope. Saffron seems a little fixated on it though."


    They laughed a little at that, but I heard the worry in it. "You''re rubbing off on her."


    "I mean, given the amount of rubbing we do, it''s bound to happen, right?" They looked a little scandalized as they laughed at that, but I figured scandalized beat worried any day.


    "Now, if you don''t mind, I''d like to see if any of the variations of Mana Blade I''ve thought up would work. I''ve seen you in Basic Heroics recharging Cadet Aetos'' Mana so she can get more practice in. Would you mind doing the same for me this morning?"


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    I shrugged. "Not like I''m fondling her or anything when I do it. Sure."


    They nodded, put up a second, more substantial Ward around us, sat down in a chair facing me, and held up their left fist, index finger out. "First I''ll try the least Mana intensive version I''ve come up with." A line of light extended from their finger, and they pulled a simple wooden dowel out of their pocket and passed the Mana Blade through it. It charred a little right where the blade passed through, but no cut, no fire, no joy. They shook their head and said, "So, that''s promising. Now for the next version." They shook their hand to dispel the Mana Blade, then created another. This time the Mana Blade crackled a little when they extended it, and when they tried it on a new wooden dowel, it left a line of flickering flame around the dowel. They shook their Mana Blade away, then said, "Well, third time''s the charm. If I pass out, could you restore me, please?"


    "You got it, Doc."


    They nodded, focused on their finger, and this time the Mana Blade crackled and hissed as it extended. It reminded me of something, but I couldn''t place it. At any rate, the faint hissing continued as they pulled out yet another wooden dowel and passed the Mana Blade through it. This time the dowel sliced cleanly; the ends only faintly charred. "Excellent!" They shook the Mana Blade away, turned to say something to me, and crumpled forward.


    I caught them, dropping a medium strength Stabilize into their left shoulder. My left hand bitched about doing its part in the catching, but at least I hadn''t used it to do the Stabilize. Doc''s eyes popped open the moment the Stabilize hit.


    "Well. That''s an experience. It seems that version works, although I shouldn''t want to use it except in extreme emergencies. Now, could you perhaps do that refilling thing you do?"


    I shrugged, forced my left hand to form a maximum power Stabilize before it fucked off to hit the beach in Wildwood, and held my hand out to Doc. They reached out with their left hand and took hold of my own like we were shaking hands. After a few seconds of frozen shuddering, they let go and their shoulders slumped. "That," they blew out a lungful of air, inhaled again, and said, "I do not know how Cadet Aetos manages to take that in stride. Also, I suspect there may be some danger in it; while I appreciate your effort, please do not apply that to me unless I am unconscious and needed immediately."


    "Danger? Danger how?"


    "While no detectable amount of raw Mana leaks from your Stabilize, when you overpower it like that some of your raw Mana is delivered to your target."


    I frowned, not wanting to give up what amounted to my only non-lethal option for ending a fight fast. "So I ought to stop doing that?"


    They shrugged, "one exposure is unlikely to harm someone. Even for someone exposed many times, it''s a risk of some form of consequences, and Stabilize can, in the right circumstances, fight off death. Better alive and ill than dead."


    "So if I needed to use it to take down a criminal, it wouldn''t be, like, a prosecutable offense?"


    They chuckled a little, "Hardly. It is, after all, a Healing spell. While it''s considered polite to inform your target before casting Healing spells on them, ''being impolite'' is rarely a prosecutable offense, and I''m sure any Council Members or other noteworthy individuals would agree with me that ''stunned unconscious'' is better than ''dead''."


    "Thanks Doc. You got any of those dowels for me to practice my Artificing on?"


    They smiled, "While Artificing is far more than basic Enchanting, you are correct that the path to learning Artificing starts with Enchanting. On the other hand, I''d rather you practiced something else today."


    Then they kinda blew my mind by pulling a handful of sand out of their pocket. They showed me the Mana Shape for a new spell, one they called Mineral Bonding, and demonstrated how to use it to turn a handful of sand into a single quartzy rock. Not sandstone, either; the individual grains had fully merged into the whole, like they''d melted the whole mass of pocket sand into a single rock.


    They pulled their pocket inside out and dumped the rest of their load of pocket sand on my desk. "That should be enough for you to practice for the rest of the morning. Please do your best; if you can master this we''ll fix the walls in the stairwell today."


    Believe it or not, I actually managed to make the Spell go. By the time Lunch rolled around, I''d even managed to make a relatively flat pane of glass out of the last of the sand. Doc just rolled their eyes at me and laughed, saying nothing but, "Of course you did. I''ll see you after lunch."


    Saffron and I chatted about the new Spell over Lunch, and after lunch she even gave it a try on the third landing up. While the ones I''d done came out flatter, making the wall look brand new, she managed to make hers look just like the old wall, blending seamlessly with the area around it, even down to the faint wear marks where generations of Cadets had run their hands along the wall for whatever reason.


    "Show off."


    "Complaints?"


    "Not a damn one."


    Of course, Doc wound up throwing his hands in the air when I pulled the various bits of former sand out of my pockets and used them to fix the glass I''d inadvertently knocked out of the doors to the stairwell. I figured I''d fucked up somehow. Only one way to find out. "What''s up, Doc?"


    "That is not the spell to make glass with. Or rather, I should say there are far more Mana efficient ways of making... you know what? Never mind. What''s that phrase I heard you use with Carruthers? You do you, boo? Yes. You do you, boo."


    I think they were just jealous my glass had less bubbles and distortion than the other panes in the doors.


    By the end of the day, between Saffron and I we''d fixed all of the stairwell damage I''d done, and after burning that much Mana, after dinner I wound up too tired to engage in shenanigans or hijinks.


    On the other hand, just like everything else, Canoodling is way less tiring when someone has it as a Skill.

 Day Seventy Three

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, I''d never actually expected to learn anything in school before I got Isekai''d to Phileo City? I know, what a concept.


    Saffron slept over last night. Woke up in that weird dream-state after the Locked in a Box dream. Came to the realization that I''ve got more people I trust here in Phileo than I did back in Camden. Strange thing to hit my brain while I still hadn''t gotten my shit together. Also woke up early, so bonus morning fun time for the win!


    Y''know, there might be something to this whole ''exercise'' thing. Refractory period set to zero as a side effect, apparently. Not complaining though.


    We got to breakfast on time, so I can say for certain that our table got no bacon today. Plenty of spicy eggs, jalapeno scrapple, and sausages though. No complaints there either.


    When we got to class, Doc DeLeon had the map up again, this time with Sparta marked out with an arrow stuck to the map. The ROTCs dropped into our seats early, as usual. Behind me Raven pulled out her sketchbook and continued work on her Europan map.


    The Barbie Brigade came in, and when Lancaster deigned to look up at the map, he called out, "Finally!"


    Doc DeLeon sighed and shook his head, but he had a little smile on his face as well. "Yes, Laurence, we will finally be studying Sparta today."


    A few moments after that, as the last students found their seats, Doc DeLeon stood up and started his lecture. "Today we''ll be studying Sparta, probably the second most influential City in Europa, at least as regards Phileo City Heroic Academy."


    I raised my hand, but Saffron''s shot up before me. Doc DeLeon nodded at her, and she asked, "I understand why Thebes is the most influential, since Phileo City''s Heroes are modeled loosely on the Sacred Brotherhood of Thebes, but hasn''t Athens had more influence on Phileo City?"


    The prof nodded, "If we were talking about Phileo City in general, that argument could be made. An argument could also be made for Corinth, as Phileo City has based many of its architectural works on the engineering seen in Corinth. Sparta, of course, has attacked Phileo City more often than any other City; impressive when you consider Norfolk does so at least once every generation. Since I mentioned Europan cities, Venice could be seen as influential, as Phileo City''s attempt to dominate Atlantean trade resonates with Venice''s own dominance of Europan trade."


    He paused, scanning the room to make sure none of us had fallen asleep. One of the kids from the gobbo tables did that a few weeks back, and Doc DeLeon had shown an unexpected mischievous side by sneaking up and shouting ''boo!'' at the top of his lungs.


    Mischievous, not creative. Still, better than so full of himself that he got offended or some shit.


    Anyhow, he asked, "Does anyone have an idea why Sparta has had more influence on Phileo City''s Heroic Academy than any other City besides Thebes?"


    That started the usual round of guesses. Lancaster managed to get his hand up first. "Heroes each being part of the Council is modeled on their own Regency Council."


    Doc nodded, pursing his lips a bit as he did so. "While that''s not the answer I''m looking for, it''s an interesting insight. I don''t believe I''ve ever read any historical texts indicating Penn and the founders of Phileo City were influenced by the Spartan Regency Council, but the suggestion is not without potential merit."


    My hand shot up; not a common occurrence despite my ''Graduate, Become a Hero, ???, Profit!'' plan. When Doc DeLeon pointed to me, I asked, "What''s the Spartan Regency Council?"


    He chuckled a little before answering. Of course Lancaster took that moment to hiss, "Ignorant Bag cretin," but I let it slide; no profit to be had brawling in the classroom.


    "I hadn''t intended to mention it in today''s lecture, as it only comes up once a generation at most, and has less impact on Phileo City than some other aspects of Spartan culture, but," he paused, nodding a little to himself as if throwing together an impromptu lecture right then, "Sparta is ruled by a King. He is acknowledged by all other Spartan Heroes to be the bravest, strongest, most deadly fighter in Sparta. When the King dies, if he is killed by another Spartan Hero, that Hero ascends to the throne. On at least one occasion, a non-Spartan Hero has killed the King and been elevated to the throne as well, although his reign was unfortunately cut short before he could make any of the reforms he''d publicly promised to make. In most cases, however, when the King of Sparta is killed by anything other than a Spartan Hero, the remaining Heroes of the City form a Regency Council, who then vote to determine the most likely candidates to become King."


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    He paused, looking around the room to see if everyone was following along. Pretty much every eye except Raven''s was glued to him, what with the talking about death and killing and everything. My classmates might be a little bit on the bloodthirsty side.


    I mean, shit, I was pretty much fixated on the story, so I guess I was too.


    "So once someone is chosen, the candidates then face off against one another. Any candidate who does not wish to face one of the others may, at that point, surrender and defer their votes to their opponent. While that''s seen publicly as a sign of relative weakness, in the case of an older Hero it can also simultaneously be seen as a sign of wisdom; we here in Phileo City always keep track of those who surrender their votes, as they are usually the Heroes most likely to negotiate in times of strife."


    "So, like, they''ve never had a King die of old age or something?" I asked.


    "The last recorded King of Sparta to do so was Leonidas; after returning victorious from Thermopylae with but two Heroic companions, both of whom were maimed in the fighting and thus ineligible for the throne, he is recorded as having died in his bed; the Regency Council after him officially recorded him as falling in battle to Thanatos and Cronos, ''as no Hero of his stature could conceivably be bested by a single God''. I''m quoting that Regency Council, of course. The Spartans are among the most racially prejudiced of all Europan cultures; even having Olympian blood to any meaningful degree disqualifies a man from becoming a Spartan Hero."


    Of course that rubbed me the wrong way, so I asked, "What about women?"


    Doc DeLeon nodded, as if expecting the question, "I suppose I should also note that they are among the most sexist of Europan cultures. While Spartan women are expected to train in weapons and defend themselves and their children if the City walls are breached, they are ineligible to become Heroes, and thus ineligible to become King."


    I looked around the room, pointedly noting the ROTC row, where Bill had the only guy card in the row, and I wasn''t really sure on that. "Kinda fuckin'' stupid if you ask me."


    Lancaster muttered, "Nobody asked, you, moron." Good old Larry, always there to one up me in the ''how stupid can you be'' competition.


    The prof ignored him and said, "I wholeheartedly agree that they are foolish in their ignorance, but results speak for themselves; their training regimen is brutal enough that even with a good two thirds of Spartan men dying before they reach their majority, the remainder are fierce enough fighters that no Europan City save Thebes has been able to consistently best them, if they''ve ever bested them at all."


    Without raising my hand I asked, "Didn''t you say they''ve attacked Phileo a bunch?"


    He nodded, "That would be why we follow in Thebes'' footsteps, with a few added flourishes such as English ship design and our own gender equality stance as regards Heroes." He paused a bit, but nobody else raised their hand. "Now, as we mentioned, the Spartans are perhaps the most racially prejudiced Cities in Europa; that is a hint as to how and why Sparta influenced this very Academy. Anyone?"


    Rider raised her hand, confusion warring with discovery on her face for everyone to see. "Does it have something to do with the Maenads?"


    "Exactly!" crowed Doc DeLeon. "You all recall that one Hero who took the throne?" Everyone nodded, and he continued, "That Hero''s Patron was Dionysus, and he took the throne shortly before the founding of Phileo City. His successor, Leonidas the Sixteenth, decreed that slavery was ''too good'' for Dionysus'' chosen people, the Maenads, and began a systematic purge of both Maenads and worshippers of Dionysus, initially in Sparta, but eventually attacking and destroying the temples of Dionysus throughout the Greek peninsula, until only the temples within the city walls of Athens, Thebes, and Corinth remained. Of course, shortly before then Penn and the founders of Phileo City had founded our city with both religious freedom and racial tolerance as the basis of that foundation, and Penn himself spoke with our local High Priestess of Dionysus and offered sanctuary to all followers of Dionysus, most especially the Maenads, who obviously couldn''t hide their differences the way some," here he paused, although it was so slight nobody else might have noticed, "Hybrids might."


    Doc DeLeon pointed behind me, and Angel asked, "How did they wind up serving as Maids here at Phileo?"


    Doc nodded before replying, "As might be obvious, our Heroic Academy was, at that time, still under construction, and our first generation of Heroes still being trained. While the Maenads of that era chose not to take on the mantle of Hero, a number of them volunteered to serve and guard the Academy. Over time, especially once the Academy construction was completed and its Enchantments in place, the ''guard'' portion of that faded, as our Academy is not only a fortress, but one populated at any given time by hundreds of Heroes in training, many of whom are simply waiting for a Heroic posting to open up, meaning that they are Heroes in all but name."


    Well, shit. Guess my instincts about darling Marie and Sparagmos weren''t too far off. Good thing I''d managed to get on her good side before that day in the Infirmary, I guess.

 Day Seventy Four

    Dear Diary,


    Today wasn''t half bad.


    Woke up after a full night of dreaming Locked in a Box, woke up confused but otherwise rested. From my left elbow down my arm decided to punish me for the horrid crime of existing by tearing itself to pieces. Saffron pounced on me before I could get dressed; not complaining in the slightest.


    Afterward I got up to get dressed, and Saffron lay on the bed, propping her chin up on her elbows watching me. The situation was more than a little weird, so I asked, "Aren''t you worried we''ll be late for breakfast?" She just grinned at me, making me feel a little bit like a wounded bird about to be some cat''s snack. "Hell, at this rate we''ll be late for class."


    She smiled at me until I stood there, fully dressed, with her laying on the bed kicking her feet against the wall. When I went to get her clothes out of the armoire to throw them at her, she said, "No class today. Equinox is coming up, and the Dining Hall will be serving through the day. Not sure if they''ll have enough cooked to feed you, at any rate."


    I stood there slack jawed for a bit before saying, "You mean you let me get all the way dressed knowing we didn''t have to leave early today?"


    "I liked the view."


    That called for vengeance if anything did. As we lay there after, my shirt soaked with sweat and my pants and jacket lying on the floor. I asked, "So, no classes until Equinox?"


    She shrugged, "Honestly, I''m a little surprised they had classes yesterday. I think they only did because we missed a week or two at the beginning of the semester. Most schools and government buildings are closed the three days prior and three days after."


    "You mean we''ve got nothing to do until next Tuesday?"


    She laughed a little; when I poked her she squeaked before explaining. "Your accent is so cute. Unique and hard to understand sometimes, but cute."


    "Accent? What do you mean, accent?"


    She just smiled and said, "the days of the week are?"


    The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.


    "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday."


    She nodded and recited, "Sunday, Moonday, Tyrsday, Wotansday, Thorsday, Freyday, Saturnday."


    "Huh. I never thought of that. So, what do you want to do on our days off?"


    Half a frown decorated her face before she said, "Honestly? I''ve got no idea. I mean, we''ve got to be back here at least an hour before dark, since Grandma will be dropping Isnomi off and I''d rather not have her walking home in the dark."


    I thought about it for a while, tracing patterns on her back until a thought hit me. "Wanna go shopping?"


    She didn''t reply immediately. "Shopping for what?"


    "Maybe some civvy clothes?"


    "I''ve got a couple outfits, and I really can''t afford anything new."


    I shook my head, "I got you, Saff."


    She twisted and rolled over until she straddled me, looking down into my face. "What did you call me?"


    Apparently I can learn. Maybe. Sorta.


    Ah, let''s face it, nothing can get through this titanium cranium. "Oh, Saffie-kins, you''re so scary cute when you''re forceful."


    We wound up getting a late start on our shopping trip. We hit one of the Dan stores I''d scouted before, one that specialized in nice dresses for day-to-day wear. They apparently had a ''Equinox Sale'' going on, and between the discount from that, the discount we got for being Academy students, and a bit of fast talking by yours truly, the owner paid us to walk out in a pair of nice dresses. He said he''d send a delivery boy to the Academy with our uniforms.


    After that we hit that little caf¨¦ Loki''d shown me a few weeks back, and wound up holding hands while we stared at a few ships coming and going on the river while we sat there noshing on whatever the caf¨¦ owner brought us. When the sun headed for the far horizon, Saffron sorted out what we owed the cafe, and I dropped another few gold on the table before we left.


    As we walked away, she asked, "What was that for?"


    "Habit, really. Where I''m from servers are underpaid, basically not paid enough to live on, so customers leave extra money beyond the actual price of the food."


    "That''s not very nice, that the servers aren''t paid enough to live on."


    "Yeah. I mean, apparently it started out a racist thing, because people didn''t want to pay former slaves to do the jobs they had when they were slaves."


    She shook her head, "That''s really kind of horrifying the more I think about it. The place you come from sounds like such a utopia most of the time, then you talk about things like that as if they''re not terrible."


    I shrugged, "I guess you just get used to terrible things eventually, when they happen every day."


    Even with that bit of downer conversation we still had a pretty nice day, and a pretty nice date. When we got back to the Academy, Grandma Aetos was waiting for us with Isnomi. We took the little crotch goblin back to Saffron''s room and played baby games with her until she fell asleep. We made a little nest for her on the bed, then checked an item off my bucket list by canoodling on the bear skin rug. After that we spooned up on Saffron''s bed and slept the night through. I mean, they slept through, and the only nightmare I remembered was the Locked in a Box one.


    Like Ice Cube said, ''today was a good day''.

 Day Seventy Five

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, back in Camden I always low key dreaded days off, even while the other kids got pumped up about having time away from school. Weird to think that here and now I''m actually looking forward to them, while simultaneously missing my classes.


    Back then, having someone to hang out with might happen or might not, and I really never had much of a say about which. I had friends, kinda. People I hung out with at lunch, people I''d game with online when I had a working console. But nobody who I knew without a doubt would hang with me if they had the chance. At one point I even had a guy; we hooked up on the regular until he went total edgelord. Utter pizza cutter; all edge, no point. I can''t blame him, though, because I didn''t notice until I outgrew my own edgy phase. To be clear, I''m not saying all edgy people are going through a phase, but the ones who aren''t don''t usually try quite so hard.


    Online gamers, lunch friends, fuck buddies. Nobody who felt like home.


    I woke up curled around Saffron. I lifted myself up to look at her, and had a moment of panic when I didn''t see Isnomi anywhere. Then I heard wet gnawing noises from the floor behind me. I twisted around, slowly and carefully so as not to wake up Saffron, only to see the adorable little crotch goblin gumming at the face of the bearskin rug. I mean, I''d turned the light all the way out, so all I could see was an outline of her and the rug, but it still bonked my personal cute meter all the way over to the peg. I reached around Saffron and gently put my left hand over her mouth, despite its insistence that its bones had exploded into acidic lightning, then shook her shoulder gently with my other hand.


    She woke silently, and I moved my hand to put one disintegrating finger over her lips. She nodded, the tiniest motion I could detect, and I slipped silently off the bed, watching the rugger gnaw happily at the bear''s ear. I crept over to the light and, with one hand on it, reached over and moved Saffron''s head until she''d see Isnomi the moment the light came on. I slipped a hand down her face to be sure her eyes were closed so she wouldn''t be blinded by the light, then tapped three fingers on her cheek, then two, then one, then slid the light open.


    The moment the light came on, Isnomi froze, eyes popped open and staring at me and her mom, one hand on one bear ear, the other ear halfway into her mouth. Saffron and I stared right back, until half a second later Saffron snorted, then started laughing so hard she eventually rolled over and fell off the bed. The moment her mom started laughing, the little menace started that giggle coo baby thing, smacking at the poor bear with both hands until she fell over backwards herself. That startled her, but before she could cry I dove in and blew raspberries on her tummy until she started laughing again.


    Then she dropped an enormous load in her diaper.


    Like I said, I don''t really dislike crotch goblins, but they always give me shit. Literally.


    Of course that set Saffron off again, which left me dealing with the crap myself. Luckily, I am slightly less incompetent than I appear on first meeting, so I managed to get the old diaper off, Isnomi''s butt region cleaned up, and the new diaper on without turning the rug into a toxic waste dump site. Okay, my diaper origami skills aren''t at Saffron''s level, so I wound up Mineral Bonding her diaper closed.


    What? Carbon is a mineral. I mean, it''s an element, and it''s solid, so that makes it a mineral, right? Fuck it, it Bonded, and I left it a little loose in any case. I didn''t want it to be too hard to get off when the little nom-bot inevitably filled it again.


    By the time I finished, Saffron had laughed herself out and rolled around until she lounged with her shoulders against the bed, her ass on the rug, and her legs just kinda stuck out toward me. Hell of a view, lemme tell you, especially since at the moment, Isnomi had more clothing on than Saffron and I put together, and she only had a diaper on. I set Isnomi back where she''d been nomming on Mr. Bear, and she happily started in on his other ear. I, of course, fully intended on nomming something else, and started low crawling my way toward Saffron.


    "Tabitha!" she hissed, laughter clear in her voice, "Isnomi''s right there! Awake even!"


    I snorted. "Pfft. Kids don''t start forming memories until they''re like two years old. Besides, she''s totally invested in Mr. Bear at the moment."


    Saffron rolled her eyes at me. "The bear in question was a she-Bear."


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    "There you go, then, nobody in here but us girls, no need to be shy!" I''d reached her ankles and tugged her toward me, careful to let her catch herself with her elbows instead of smacking the back of her head on the floor.


    This might sound weird, what with us nearing our one-month anniversary and shagging like particularly sex-crazed rabbits at every opportunity, but we''d never done oral stuff. I mean, foreplay-ish things, yeah. Kissing, of course, but our mouths had pretty much stayed above the waist. I blame Saffron; she''s too goal oriented, and mostly experimented in Heroic Skills, not in bed.


    But the view just then reminded me that if they weren''t meant to be eaten, they wouldn''t look like tacos.


    Her eyes got big as I tugged her toward me just enough that she wouldn''t bonk the back of her head on the bed if she lay down all the way, then kissed the inside of her knee. "Tabitha..." hunger and worry warred in her voice as her knee twitched just a little as I ran my tongue just a little into the back of it. Inch by inch, I worked my way up the inside of her thigh. About halfway up, she tangled her hand in my hair. I took that as encouragement and, after paying enough attention to her mid-thigh that she ought to have a nice hickey by lunch, pushed onward.


    Only to have her hand refuse to budge, despite the continued nomming sounds coming from Ms. Bear''s head-region. I glanced over, and Isnomi was, just as I''d planned, completely oblivious to us, focused totally on gumming Ms. Bear''s ear off. I lifted my head and looked at Saffron, whose eyes still hadn''t quite uncrossed. "You''re really not cool with it?"


    She let go of my hair and scratched at my head. "Sorry, love. If she were asleep, if it were anyone else..." she trailed off.


    I mock-glowered at her and said, "I''m gonna hold you to that tonight, you realize," about then my brain kicked in and I asked, "Wait, what''s the Isnomi schedule this week, what with the holiday?"


    Saffron smiled down at me and said, "Grandma has her tonight, then she''ll bring her back over tomorrow before sunset so we can celebrate the Equinox together." She paused, a thoughtful look racing across her face. "Did you want to join us?"


    I shrugged, "Sure. Never celebrated an Equinox before, so I''ll need you to give me pointers if it''s anything other than just hanging out and, y''know, eating and drinking or whatever."


    "You didn''t celebrate the Equinoxes? I''m guessing not the Solstices either?"


    "Nope. Pretty much one weekend-long holiday a month, with a week-long break at Christmas and Easter."


    Her faced bunched up in an adorable little moue, "Easter? You mean the English fertility goddess?"


    That kinda blindsided me. "Uh, no. I mean, not that I''m aware of, although the Church probably ripped off the name. They did that shit a lot back in the day."


    "Which church?"


    Something about the way she said it made me think that whatever had come out of my mouth wasn''t exactly ''church'', but more like ''temple'', or ''religion''. Still, I answered, "Like, the Church. Back in the day there was only one, before Martin Luther got his panties in a bunch back in the middle ages."


    She just shook her head, "So strange. All the gods worshipped in one huge pantheon then?"


    "Nope. Just the one. The others kind of got squished when the Roman Catholics rolled over Europe." I shook my head. "None of that is really important, though."


    "Then what is?"


    I picked up Isnomi, who had been getting steadily noisier in her mastication of Ms. Bear, and plonked her right onto Saffron''s tit, where she started nomming happily. "Getting her fed, so we can get breakfast our own selves." I paused, wondering if I were about to overstep, "we could bring her to the Dining Hall with us, introduce her to the rest of the ROTC crew."


    She tensed, but not for long, "you really like pushing me out of my comfort zones, don''t you?"


    "It''s good for your growth as a person. Say the word and I''ll stop." With that I dropped my mouth back to the thigh I hadn''t mouth-molested and, after leaving another hickey, this one quick and sloppy, started working my way back down to her knee. The moment I moved away from her taco, and let me point out that it looked so tasty it took self-control I didn''t know I had not to leap on it, she started laughing. Laughs that switched to giggles when Isnomi giggled when she came up for air and baby-giggled at her mom''s laughter, then gasps when I kissed the back of her knee.


    "Okay, but she''s wearing one of your uniform shirts, not one of mine."


    Without any more encouragement than that, I hopped up and yanked my uniform on, scooped up Isnomi and bundled her up in yesterday''s shirt while Saffron put herself together. We headed down to the Dining Hall, where I discovered that Angel, Bill, and Raven already knew about Isnomi. Something about all three of them knowing one another before Phileo Heroic, and Saffron being way too petite to hide being eight months pregnant. They still cheered when the little rugrat made her appearance, and everybody agreed that it was the cutest thing they''d ever seen when she started alternating itty bitty mouthfuls of spicy eggs and bread. She''d arrowed for the eggs like a chubby little seeking missile, stuffed a tiny fistful into her mouth, nommed, then got the weirdest look on her face before spitting like half of them out. Before she could start crying I tore off a little piece of bread and stuffed it in the maw, and she nommed that for a while before picking the previously spit-out eggs back up and nomming them again. Stubborn little crotch goblin. I fully approved, and used my spoon to portion out some eggs into Isnomi-fistfuls, and straight up tore off bits of bread. I barely got to eat anything, because the moment she''d had her fill, she filled her diaper, which sent Saffron and I back to her room to clean her up.


    Yes, I absolutely took that lack-of-nom-for-Tabitha out on sweet Saffron''s taco after Grandma picked Isnomi up.


    I''m pretty sure she didn''t mind.

 Day Seventy Six

    Dear Diary,


    Somebody has fucked around, and I swear to God they''re gonna find the fuck out.


    Not. The. Time.


    Okay, so today started out pretty fuckin'' good. Slept the night through, normal Locked in a Box dream, woke up to my arms full of friendly Saffron. Don''t really much care if I''m dreaming or not at that point, since that''s a pretty fuckin'' good dream to be having.


    We finally got down to the Dining Hall around nine; the spicy eggs had that sort of rubbery texture you get when scrambled eggs have been kept warm too long. Still tasted good though, and since it''s our own damn fault we got there late, I figured I wouldn''t complain about it. I mean, not to the Maids, they didn''t deserve that shit. Still groused about it to Saffron. Anyway, Marie brought out a full tray of fresh spicy eggs and jalapeno scrapple just for Saffron and I, since we were the only two at the ROTC table. Honestly, the whole Dining Hall only had about twenty people in it at the moment; a couple gobbos at their table, Sister Siobhan and Marshall duBois up at the high table, and a few other people scattered around in twos and threes. The Barbie Brigade were conspicuous by their absence; not a single person at that table today.


    At any rate, when Marie came around, I asked her, "Hey, Marie? You got anything that desperately needs doing today?"


    She shrugged.


    "Cool! I kinda hoped you''d come out with us! You two can show me around all the cool Equinox stuff that you''ve both got bored with and I''ve never seen before." I kept my voice low so it wouldn''t carry to any of the other tables, leaning on my Blend to make sure nobody gave a damn what we talked about.


    At any rate, she got a weird sort of frown on her face and said, "Duties."


    Sudden inspiration hit; totally my Trickster God inspiring me. "With all the Equinox stuff going on, I''m sure there are more shady types than usual out looking to make mischief; I''m pretty sure we''ll need an Escort."


    I knew I''d got it right when Marie''s mouth stretched out into the kind of grin you''d expect from a shark, and she nodded eagerly. She said, "entrance," then hustled off, I guessed to take care of any last minute chores or get changed into her own version of street clothes, I guess.


    Saffron just stared at me, a mixture of confusion and affection on her face. "You really don''t see a difference, do you?"


    I shrugged and asked, "Should I?" more than a little bit of challenge in my tone.


    Her confusion melted away, and she smiled and said softly, "I''ve heard plenty of people talk about being egalitarian, but you''re the real deal."


    "I mean, I was never much of an Eagles fan, but you can''t Not Like Sports in Philly. You''ll get pilloried or some shit."


    "Really? Also, Eagles?"


    That led us into chatting about professional sports teams in Philadelphia, comparing them to the professional SquadBall teams here in Phileo City. Phileo had like eight teams, and New Amsterdam had another dozen. Other Atlantean cities had teams, but none of them enjoyed the whole ''frenemies'' thing that Phileo and New Amsterdam did, so they weren''t part of the Professional SquadBall Association, and only played exhibition games once in a blue moon. Apparently Thor''s and Ares'' high priests both supported the sport enough that their shared Phileo City Temple was pretty much a small Squadball stadium. I mean, small by Philadelphia standards. It had seats for around ten thousand people; they could fit about twice that for events like big religious events. I mean, non-SquadBall religious events, what with sports being as much a religion in Phileo as it ever was in Philly.


    As we stood up, the Marshall waved me over. Once I got close enough to talk normally, he asked, "Have you decided where you''ll be celebrating the Equinox?"


    Saffron, who''d come with me, replied, "My Grandmother and I usually do something at home, but this year we''d planned to attend the ceremony in Diana''s temple." At my indrawn breath, she turned to me and just raised an eyebrow.


    "Diana and I... aren''t really on the best of terms at the moment."


    She tilted her head, moving ever closer to optimal ''really, Diaz'' positioning. "This might be a good time to get back in her good graces?"


    I shook my head, "Yeah, no. It''s become a whole Loki, Diana thing at this point."


    The Marshall sighed at that, one hand going up to massage his temples while facepalming, "Diaz, is there going to be a Holy War today?"


    I laughed, "Not that I know of, sir. But I really think there might be one if I walk into Diana''s temple on a high holy day, y''know?"


    He shook his head and lowered his hand. "Well, that''s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. Some of the Senior Cadets are setting up a shrine up in the Practice Yard; you''re both welcome to join us; we do a kind of non-denominational thing for anybody who can''t make it to the Big Seven this evening."


    I looked to Saffron, and she answered both of us, saying, "I suppose Grandmother and I can go to the Big Seven temples some other year. We''d be happy to join you tonight."


    Saffron filled me in on the ''Big Seven'' as we headed out of the Dining Hall. Seven huge temples, each dedicated to at least two, sometimes three gods with similar portfolios, just north of where the Schuylkill and Delaware rivers met. Right where the stadiums were in Philadelphia, of course. We met Marie at the entrance. She''d added a full length cloak over her Maid''s uniform, but that''s about it.


    The guard at the entrance smiled when we approached; it''s really weird to be recognized by a rent-a-cop and not be vaguely worried about it. "Cadet Diaz, Cadet Aetos. Heading out?"


    "Yep. Never really got to do the touristy Equinox stuff before, figure I gotta do it at least once, right?"


    He chuckled and asked, more or less as a formality at this point, "Will you be requiring an escort?"


    "I think so," I let him do a double take at that, then said, "Marie will be coming with us. Figure she''ll be enough to deter any would be muggers. I figure if I can''t handle the grifters, hucksters, and con men out there, I''d be a terrible disappointment to my Patron."


    You''re not wrong.


    When I said that, the Guard barked out a laugh, "Y''know, I''d almost pay to see that. You Ladies sure you don''t need an extra escort?"


    "Nah, we''re good."


    He opened the door, still chuckling a little, "Ah, well. never hurts to ask. You Ladies have a nice day. Oh! Will you be out until after the Equinox celebrations?"


    "We''ll be back to meet my Grandmother before then."


    He scribbled something down on his clipboard, then nodded to us, "Have a nice outing, Cadets."


    It bugged me a little that he more or less ignored Marie, but I didn''t want to spoil the vibe by getting into it just then. We walked down the steps, and before we even got halfway down I realized we wouldn''t be wandering very far. The entire park area in the middle of the boulevard had filled up with people doing what people do on holidays. Half of them enjoying the day off, the other half trying to divest them of their money, whether by selling them holiday stuff or via less savory methods. We wandered through the crowd, stopping at every little stand somebody had set up to sell stuff. I walked hand in hand with Saffron; my left hand in her right. For whatever reason it didn''t explode when she held it; instead it just kinda kept itself to a steady acid burn deep in my bones.


    We walked in a little pocket people made for us; I didn''t quite get it until I remembered we had Marie right behind us. There were a few people her height in the crowd, but few enough they all stood out. We meandered around until we found a full on wrestling ring set up in the middle of the park with, I shit you not, masked luchadores doing their thing. We watched their over the top antics for a couple hours. At one point early on Saffron complained she couldn''t see, and before I could even reply Marie hoisted her up to sit on her shoulders. I got a little pouty until Marie stepped forward and pulled me back until I could lean on her, with Saffron''s feet more or less resting on my shoulders.


    We spent the time alternating between laughing at the comedic routines, laughing at the huge, sweeping ''attacks'' that we knew from our training wouldn''t do shit to someone as obviously ripped as these guys were, staring at obviously ripped guys in nothing but speedos, masks, and prodigious amounts of oil, and low key getting really impressed by how good these guys were at some of their acrobatics. They did stuff even Saffron and I would balk at if duBois asked us to do it in PT, and they did it all while covered in oil.


    I also learned where Rider''d seen the kirkoff maneuver. With my new duBois trained eyes I saw that everything these guys did was like that. Over the top, big movements that looked like they would absolutely devastate somebody, but with all the actual impacts spread across as much of the wrestlers'' bodies as they could manage.


    After a while, when the original wrestlers had all gone ''backstage'' into a big tent nearby, some dude came around selling mason jars of oil. ''Personal lubricant'' from the wrestlers.


    I couldn''t resist that shit. Hell, just the thought got me laughing so hard I couldn''t even try to con the dude; I forked over a coin that could have paid for dinner, and he gave me the fullest jar on the little tray he carried them all on. Marie unscrewed the top for me when it proved too tight, and we all got a whiff of olive oil and slightly off sweat before I had Marie put the lid back on.


    Eventually, one of the wrestlers, ''The Mysterious Sun'' got declared the champion by the emcee, who had used something like Headmaster Miles'' amplification spell to announce the whole match. When the wrestler lifted the belt above his head, the emcee announced that the The Mysterious Sun would defend his belt against all comers. All somebody had to do to win the belt was get it off of him. A few big guys who screamed ''dock worker'' got in the ring with him; he played around with each of them for a few minutes as they tried to get a grip on him. Eventually he managed to pin each of them. Finally, a couple hours after noon the emcee ran out of ''challengers'', and stood in the center ring bellowing out, "Can no one defeat The Mysterious Sun? No one?"


    The next thing I knew Saffron''s thighs hit my shoulders. Marie strode through the crowd like a battleship moving through rowboats; when she got to the edge of the crowd she literally leapt into the ring from a standing start. With a level of showmanship I hadn''t realized she possessed, she whipped her cloak off, tossing it over the ropes. Somebody in the suddenly dead silent crowd caught it.


    The Mysterious Sun looked up at Marie, who smiled at him.


    He looked at the emcee, who had just stood there staring since Marie leapt into the ring, unhooked his belt and handed it to her, saying "You''re not paying me enough for that."


    The crowd lost it laughing and cheering as she did a single lap of the ring holding the belt up.


    Pity she''s taken. She''s got an excellent sense of comedic timing.


    That brought to mind something I''d pondered a bit as we walked around.


    Should I be, y''know, dressed up tonight?


    It would be appropriate, and the first time in years I''ve had a High Priestess participate in Equinox celebrations.


    When Marie returned to Saffron and I, I told them, "Hey guys? I''ve got to get changed for tonight. Loki says he wants me in The Dress."


    Saffron, who''d been holding on to my hands where I rested them on her thighs, said, "I certainly wouldn''t mind seeing you in that. What say you go back in and get changed, then we''ll all go to Grandma''s and pick up her and Isnomi?"


    I shifted my grip and, despite my left arm''s complaints about shattering like thin ice, hefted Saffron up until Marie took her and put her back on her own shoulders. She looked down at me with The Look and said, "Really, Diaz?"


    "I can pick you out of the crowd easier this way. Plus you look adorable up there."


    She just rolled her eyes, folded her arms, and pouted. So fuckin'' adorable.


    I double timed it back to the Academy, nodded to the Guard and said, "getting changed," as I jogged past, and switched from my civvies to my ''Holy Garb'' as quick as I could. Which, given I''d decided going commando tonight might not be the wisest of maneuvers, took about ten seconds longer than it would have otherwise. After setting my jar of oil and sweat on my Shrine, I dashed back out, the skirt of my dress flowing out behind me like a banner, grinning at the totally gobsmacked look the Guard had on his face as I dashed past.


    When I got back to Saffron and Marie, Saffron had kicked her shoes off, and Marie plonked her back on my shoulders. While Marie and I walked, she kept her eyes out for Grandma Aetos. When I suggested that Marie would make a better lookout tower, she ran her bare feet along my sides, nearly toppling both of us as she tickled me. After that we just walked and shot the shit as we strolled along Vine street headed for the bridge.


    When we got to the top of the bridge''s arch, I noticed she''d been getting tenser the further we walked. "What''s up, Saffie-kins?"


    My humor didn''t go over well, and when she answered me I totally got why. "I expected to meet up with Grandma before now."


    After that we picked up the pace a little; not really running, or even jogging, but definitely Walking With A Sense of Purpose, as my old ROTC DI once said. We made it to Grandma''s house in good time, but the house stood empty. No Grandma. No Isnomi.


    I remembered that day after Saffron and I hooked up the first time, looked at Marie and said, "Can you track them?"


    She nodded, then inhaled a lungful of air through her nose. After standing there for a few moments, she turned and looked at the doorway for a moment before saying, "Follow''.


    She moved at a near-jog for her, which was a run for Saffron and I. Saffron recovered her shoes, put them on, and hopped off my shoulders without ever calling for us to stop. When we hit the intersection of Broad and Vine, she took a left and headed south. My inner alarms, silent for so long, started ringing.


    Boss? Can you help us find Grandma Aetos and Isnomi?


    I can, but it would be easier if I had some connection to one of them.


    If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    Isnomi is my goddaughter.


    Well then. I shall do what I can.


    We headed down Broad, my inner alarms getting steadily louder until Loki spoke into my ear once more.


    Turn right.


    A sense of dread filled my stomach as I recognized the alley; one of Rocky''s little minions even sat there on the first tier of the fire escape, smoking something that didn''t smell of tobacco.


    We found grandma behind Rocky''s dumpster, slumped against the wall. I popped out an Assess Health and a full two handed Stabilize quicker than I ever had before. Before I''d finished, Saffron screamed, "Grandma!" loud enough even Tweedle Dumbest turned to look.


    A few of the slash marks on Grandma''s front closed up when my Stabilize hit, and the Assess came back with her general health as ''Critical''.


    While Saffron sat there trying to wake her up, I turned, leapt, and grabbed the leg of Tweedle dipshit with my right hand, all in one smooth motion. He shrieked wordlessly as my weight nearly pulled his leg off, his body jamming itself between two of the bars. "Where the fuck is your boss?" He just whined some more, so I slid four Mana Blades out of my electrocuted left hand and sliced through a nearby portion of the fire escape. "One more chance. If you don''t tell me everything you know about where he took the kid, I will turn you into asshole chips."


    He squealed and pointed.


    Up.


    Where the moon hung suspended in the middle of the sky.


    Just then Loki got back to me, You''ve found Saffron''s grandmother. Saffron''s daughter I cannot find, which means she is on Holy Ground dedicated to another who is hiding her from me.


    I lifted my blades until the points hovered right in front of his terrified eyes and said, "If you tell him before I catch him, I swear on Loki''s name, I will end you and everyone that looks like you."


    Then I Mineral Bonded what passed for his clothing to the fire escape. I might have gotten some skin, too, but I didn''t have time to give a shit about that.


    I dropped back to the alley, moved over to Grandma and scooped her into my arms.


    Saffron glared at me where I''d pushed her aside to do so. She opened her mouth to say something, but before she could I cut her off, "Isnomi is at the Moon Temple. Meet me there."


    I sprinted, ignoring the pain in my left arm where I held Grandma clutched to me. I sprinted, ignoring the growing burn in my legs. I sprinted, sweat barely having a chance to bead before the wind of my passage blew it away from me. Six Endurance is a marathon runner. Eight is a marathon winner. Sixteen Endurance doesn''t even notice sprinting through a Marathon. I had barely a mile to run. Five minutes later the Entrance door crunched open as I hit it with my shoulder, already screaming, "MAKE A FUCKING HOLE!" at the top of my lungs. I didn''t stop sprinting until I slammed to a stop beside a bed in the Ladies'' infirmary, gently laying Grandma Aetos on the bed before turning to Sister Siobhan.


    Before she could say or do anything, I grabbed her, one hand on either side of her face, while I burned a Status out of my cheek.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(52, 73, 94, 1)" width="45%">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    NAME


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Mimic


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Mor


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    JErrErrErrEnErr


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ATTRIBUTES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    STRENGTH


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    7


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGILITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    5


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ENDURANCE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    19


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    REASON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    6


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MEMORY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PERSONALITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    11


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AFFINITIES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Water (56.25%), Air (28.125%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PATRON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Loki


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    None


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACIAL SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MIMIC


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    16


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MIMIC (Attack)


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MIMIC (Attribute)


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MIMIC (Defense)


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MIMIC (Size)


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    16


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MIMIC (Skill)


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    BLEND


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    32


    </td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    I flipped to my other Status screen and pushed my willpower into MIMIC (Skill) the way I''d learned to do with Blend.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(52, 73, 94, 1)" width="45%">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    NAME


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Tabitha Diaz


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Hybrid


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    HYBRID


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Bag (31.25%) / Dan (25%) / Human (37.5%) / Vanir (6.25%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    JuvErrnilErr


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ATTRIBUTES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    STRENGTH


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGILITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ENDURANCE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    7


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    REASON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MEMORY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PERSONALITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AFFINITIES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Water (18.75%), Air (9.375%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PATRON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Loki


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    CQC


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MANA SHAPING


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    6


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    HEAL INJURY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACIAL SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    None


    </td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    My left elbow tingled, and Sister Siobhan''s eyes shot wide open, then fluttered closed. I pushed my will into MIMIC (Skill) again.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(52, 73, 94, 1)" width="45%">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    NAME


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Tabitha Diaz


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Hybrid


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    HYBRID


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Bag (31.25%) / Dan (25%) / Human (37.5%) / Vanir (6.25%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    JuvErrnErrlErr


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ATTRIBUTES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    STRENGTH


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGILITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ENDURANCE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    7


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    REASON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MEMORY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PERSONALITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AFFINITIES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Water (18.75%), Air (9.375%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PATRON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Loki


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    CQC


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MANA SHAPING


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    6


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    HEAL INJURY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    HEALING COMA


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    6


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACIAL SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    None


    </td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    I muttered, "Third time''s the charm," and Mimicked Sister Siobhan''s Skills one more time.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(52, 73, 94, 1)" width="45%">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    NAME


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Tabitha Diaz


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Hybrid


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    HYBRID


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Bag (31.25%) / Dan (25%) / Human (37.5%) / Vanir (6.25%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    JErrvErrnErrlErr


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ATTRIBUTES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    STRENGTH


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGILITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ENDURANCE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    7


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    REASON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MEMORY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PERSONALITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AFFINITIES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Water (18.75%), Air (9.375%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PATRON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Loki


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    CQC


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MANA SHAPING


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    6


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    HEAL INJURY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    HEALING COMA


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    REVIVE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACIAL SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    None


    </td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    I dropped my hands from Sister Siobhan''s temples and barked, "Grandma Aetos is in Critical condition. Someone''s kidnapped Saffron''s daughter Isnomi." The moment my hands left her face, she blinked them open, odd disappointment coloring her cheeks before my words registered and she dashed over to Granma''s bedside. "I''m going to get Isnomi back. Tell somebody else if you''re not official enough."


    With that I sprinted back into the hallway; Sister Trease saw the look on my face and dove back through her open doorway. Once more I started shouting, "MAKE A HOLE, COMING THROUGH!" as I dashed through the halls. I rounded the corner into the main front hall, headed for the Entrance. Headmaster Miles stepped back into the doorway to his office, and Marshall duBois stepped the other way to put his back to the hallway wall. As I dashed down the otherwise clear hallway, I barked, "Holy War is on. Bitch kidnapped Isnomi."


    I think the Marshall reached out to grab me for more information. I really hoped his hand slipped, but I would not cry one tear if he broke every finger on his hand trying to slow me down. I hit the door at a dash, the hinges no more impediment than the lock. I landed on it at the top of the steps, then took those one flight at a time until I hit the Boulevard at top speed. I know some of you are thinking ''how is she sprinting in heels?'' to which I say ''if your toes are the only things touching the ground, the heels don''t matter''. Got to hand it to the Smith, not once did I have less than perfect traction; I hit the turn at City hall still sprinting, screaming, "MAKE A HOLE! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!" any time I saw a gaggle of pedestrians ahead of me. Those got thicker as I closed on the Temples, but at that point I saw a clear passage straight to the Moon Temple, and rapidly overtook Marie, who had literally dropped to all fours to lope along nearly as fast as I could sprint. Some folks who hadn''t gotten the message yet didn''t dive out of the way fast enough for Marie, and she flat out roared at them. Not ''screamed real loud''. Roared, in the ''indistinguishable from a high power touring bike engine revving, except way louder'' sense.


    They made a fucking hole, all the way to the steps of the Moon Temple.


    You watching, Boss?


    My eyes have not left you since you called on me to find your goddaughter, Champion.


    Good. I''m about to teach some bitches why so many people worship the Moon.


    Excuse me?


    I''m going to remind them why they''re afraid of the fucking dark.

 Day Seventy Seven

    Dear Diary,


    This holier-than-thou bitch decided to come into my town and fuck around with my family. Now she''s about to find the fuck out.


    I stood at the base of the steps in front of the Moon Temple, staring up at the guards flanking the door, one on either side. They held bows, arrows nocked, ready to draw and loose the moment I moved.


    "Saffron, how many exits does the Moon Temple have?"


    She slipped off of Marie''s back as she stood up. "Two. This one and the priestess'' entrance to the rear."


    "Make sure nobody leaves. Marie, keep her safe."


    I didn''t have time to listen to Saffron''s outraged squeak or Marie''s answering growl. I didn''t think about it; I just Shaped Mana and threw it at the guards as I leapt for the door. They drew and shot as I jumped. The arrows hadn''t flown more than a foot before they ricocheted off of the inside of the Filtration Wards I''d slapped around each of them. I didn''t have time to fight every fucking stooge between me and Isnomi. I dove for the door, and it shattered under my shoulder.


    You still with me, Boss?


    Something dangled from my left ear, so close whatever it was must be hiding under my hair. "Where you go, I follow, my Champion."


    I sprinted, the spears of the guards inside the doors missing me as I plunged forward, charging down the hallway in front of me. I gathered Mana, pouring as much of it as I could into a Shape as I ran. Footsteps sounded behind me, at a guess the guards chasing me, but I gave not a single shit as I shoulder charged my way into the crowd at the end of the hallway.


    I charged into the floor level of a huge amphitheater, seats stretching up to each side. Some part of me felt guilty as the crunch of broken bones and the thump of bodies being thrown out of my path made their way to my ears, but as I used one of the fallen faithful''s body as a springboard to leap over some of them I saw the dais at the front of the amphitheater. I saw the High Priestess, her hands held above her head, a dagger clutched in them, screaming something about defiant mortals and the greater Glory of Artemis. I saw a faint thread of Mana rising into the sky from that dripping dagger, pointing directly at the half moon hovering in the sky above the Temple. I saw the altar she stood behind, blood already dripping from it.


    I saw Isnomi, lying on that altar. Rage engulfed me, and that rage filled the Shape I''d been holding; it flew upward, exploding into a dome that covered the Temple like a roof. The dome of a Filtration Ward, set to filter out light. I charged forward through the crowd of wireframe human-shaped obstacles that separated me from my goddaugher, no longer caring who went home bruised, who went home broken, and who went home in a body bag. Some of the crowd grabbed at me, and Mana Blades sprang from every part of me. I spun forward, leaving steaming chunks of meat in my wake.


    The dagger plunged down, and Isnomi''s screaming cry drowned out every other sound in the Temple. The bitch with the knife scrabbled around with one hand until she found the baby lying on her fucking altar. She lifted the dagger with her other hand, and once again I used the fallen in front of me as a springboard, lunging forward, trying to put myself between Isnomi and the knife.


    The knife plunged again. Halfway to Isnomi it plunged through my left hand. Then it continued down until the point of the blade plunged into the altar under Isnomi.


    Isnomi''s scream cut off mid-cry.


    I wrapped my hand around the guard and hilt of the dagger, yanking it out of the bitch''s hands. She spluttered something, I didn''t listen, groping around until I found Isnomi''s tiny, warm, still hand. I wrapped it around the dagger hilt, holding it there with my dying left hand. I felt the Mana flowing out of her into the dagger, up to my hand. A trickle of Mana left the back of my hand, following the dagger''s point to rise into the sky toward the distant Moon.


    The bitch leaned forward to scream into my face. "You dare interrupt this sacred..."


    I lunged forward, my forehead slamming into her nose, my right hand grabbing the back of her head. I screamed wordlessly and rammed her face into the altar. Once, and the tip of the dagger pricked the heel of my hand. I slammed her face into the altar again, and the dagger tagged my middle finger, blood fountaining over my entire hand. The third time I slammed her forehead right down on the point of the dagger, ignoring how the tip sank into my palm.


    I breathed out my counter to her her holier than thou bullshit. "Revive."


    Mana surged into me from both ends of the dagger. I didn''t think, just let the Skill do its work as an inhuman shriek filled the Temple.


    The shriek went silent.


    Isnomi screamed, the wail of a baby that wanted her mother.


    I lifted the dagger from her hand, shoved the former High Priestess of Artemis to the floor behind the altar, then snapped the evil fucking dagger in half, throwing both halves to the floor beneath me.


    Before I could scoop Isnomi up into my arms, the filtering dome over the Temple shattered, a single moonbeam spotlighting the slain priestess where she lay on the floor. It rose, eyes glowing, growing as it did. I leapt to the altar, one leg braced on either side of Isnomi, my Smith made boots gripping even the blood-soaked stone. By the time the priestess'' body stood glaring at me, she had to be at least eight feet tall. I stared her right in the eyes, glaring at her, daring her to fuck around even the tiniest bit more.


    Her voice shook the entire Temple. "APOSTATE! HOW DARE YOU SULLY MY ALTAR! YOU WILL BEG ME FOR A MERCIFUL D..."


    My fist, still covered with the gray matter of her priestess, slammed into Artemis'' nose. It crunched nicely. Her shriek of pain and rage drove the congregation to their knees. She lunged at me, hands growing bear claws as she did. I met her halfway, my feet gripping the altar, my fingers interlacing with hers. My entire body ached with the effort of holding her back, and her claws pierced my wrists.


    I drove three foot-long Mana Blades from each of my palms. Then I twisted my arms, pouring Mana into the Blades.


    Her forearms cut even easier than the chest and the chain.


    She pulled away, shrieking at a volume that cracked the stones around us. She looked to the sky, and the moonbeam intensified. She held her arms upward, the remains of her forearms flopping around from her elbows.


    "Careful." Loki''s whisper cut through her shriek, leaving the Temple suddenly silent save for the quiet weeping of the injured in the audience. A bone white blade lay against Artemis'' throat, an arm across her chest keeping her from leaping or twisting away. "This blade was a gift from my son. One of his shed venom fangs, in fact. Frankly, I''ve never used it before. I don''t know if his venom still lurks within, nor how potent it might remain. Shall we find out?"


    Artemis just stood there, slowly lowering her arms until they dangled uselessly at her sides, drops of blood leaking from the remains of her forearms. I leapt back off the altar and scooped Isnomi into my arms, bouncing her and saying soothing stupid things until her cries went from terrified screaming to vaguely angry grumbling. A single set of footsteps rang out through the temple, coming from the rear of the dais. Saffron, her face anguished, leapt up to the altar in one smooth motion, tears flying as she shook her head before facing her Goddess. The Goddess turned her head away, refusing to look at her worshipper.


    "I... I trusted you. I loved you. I worshipped you. Had you demanded... had you asked..." sobs overcame her, bowing her head as she barely managed to force out, "I would have given her to you."


    When she raised her head, I saw just enough to know that despite the tears still running freely down her face, she wasn''t sobbing any more. "I deny you. I deny you. Three times," Saffron wound up and bitch slapped her with all the power in her hips. The blow landed right on the bitch''s bloody, broken nose, splattering the blood of a Goddess all over the dais, filling the Temple with the smell of freshly shed blood, "I DENY YOU!"


    Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.


    With that, Saffron collapsed to her knees, once again sobbing. I handed Isnomi to her, and she clutched at her, snuggling her to her breast. Before the echoes of Saffron''s screaming denial died down, Artemis leaned her head back and shrieked. Not a shriek of anger or hate, but a shriek of pain and loss that echoed through the Temple until the moonbeam retracted into the sky, leaving Loki holding a mauled corpse.


    "We might want to be leaving now, preferably by the way your paramour entered." Loki managed to keep his voice low despite the acoustics of the Temple and the dais.


    I shook my head, hopped back up onto the cracked altar, then turned to face the crowd. "LISTEN UP, CHUCKLEFUCKS! THIS HOLY WAR IS NOW OVER. YOUR GODDESS HERSELF SHOWED UP, AND YOU STILL LOST." I threw another Filtration Ward over the Temple, dropping the whole place into pitch black darkness before I dropped my voice to a growl, trusting the acoustics of the Temple to carry my words across the shocked, silent crowd. "If you get any fucking ''bright ideas'' about coming at my people again, remember what her fucking arms looked like. Then do the smart thing and run the fuck away." A wave of terror stench washed through the room, obliterating the smells of blood and death.


    I hopped down from the altar, scooped Saffron into a princess carry, Isnomi still clutched to her breast, and left via the rear exit. Marie stood in the doorway, the limbs of the former temple guards scattered down the hallway and around the outside of the door. The scent of terror poured out of the door into the crowd around us, and they backed away, leaving a clear path for us to leave.


    We walked home in the dark. Something about the streetlights being turned off for the Equinox celebration. A few times I caught the scent of hunters lurking in the dark, waiting for easy prey. Every time, a moment after they caught sight of us, terror scent overwhelmed everything else as they fled.


    When we got to the Academy, Marie stepped forward and waved a tiny badge at the door, which opened to let us in. I''d have gone in the one I blew out on my exit, but somebody''d propped it back up and put some boards up to hold it in place. DuBois slouched against the far wall in a chair he''d swiped from somewhere. When we stepped in, his head came up and he gave us a quick once over before he said, "Report."


    I never stopped walking, but said, "Isnomi''s safe. Holy war''s over. She lost."


    He nodded. "There''s paperwork to file and a door to fix." When I turned my head to frown at him, he just said, "Consequences, Diaz. Always consequences." I shrugged, glanced at Saffron still clutching at Isnomi, turned back to him, and nodded. "Tuesday."


    He nodded. "Good enough." Then he stood, grabbed up the chair, and headed for the Security office.


    I trudged back to the Ladies'' Dorm. When we stood outside Saffron''s door, she shook her head almost convulsively. I carried her back to my room. Once I had her inside, she waved Marie over to us and, when Marie bent over to her, pulled her in so she put her arms around both of us, her almost subsonic purr rumbling away some of the lurking tension. We just stood there like that for a while.


    Eventually Saffron pulled Marie a little further down and whispered in her ear for a bit. Marie nodded and left, so I sat down on the bed, Saffron still in my arms. I moved to put her on the bed, but she shook her head. "I... I feel safe here. I feel like she''s safe here. Please." I held her there; eventually Isnomi fell asleep, only to be woken when Marie stepped back into the room carrying Isnomi''s crib and all of Saffron''s wardrobe, towing her cart along behind her, tub perched atop it. As quickly and efficiently as only Marie could be, she set the crib up in the same place it had been in Saffron''s room, then hung all of Saffron''s clothes in my... I guess our armoire.


    She pulled a clear bottle out of the tub and set it on my desk, followed by two extra steaming kettles. She motioned me over, and I glanced to Saffron. She nodded, so I gently set her on the bed, then stood up. As I did, dried blood flaked off of me to scatter around the floor. I peeled The Dress off, laying it across my personal shrine, and sat down in the tub. Marie scrubbed away sweat, blood, bone fragments and brain matter, her hands releasing tension I hadn''t realized I was carrying. No shenanigans this time, just cleaning by Marie''s strong, warm, soothing hands. Once she''d dried me off and combed my hair, I stepped over and held my hands out for Isnomi. Saffron handed her to me, shaking a little as she did so, but clearly trusting me to hold her.


    Isnomi, of course, took the opportunity to take a much needed shit, startling herself awake.


    All three of us laughed at that, the kind of laugh that has as much desperate need for humor and normalcy as genuine amusement. Isnomi, way too young to care about things like that, just giggled at our laughter, making it just a little more real for all of us. While changing her I took the opportunity to steal some of Saffron''s bath water to clean the bits of gore from her, having to steal some bits of bone from her pudgy little hands before she could taste test it.


    When Marie finished combing out Saffron''s hair, I turned to Marie and said, "stay?"


    She shrugged, nodded to her cart, and said, "work."


    "Come back when you''re done?"


    She smiled, nodded, and left with her cart in tow. Saffron stood and held a hand down to me where I''d been playing with Isnomi. I scooped the little one up, then took Saffron''s hand and stood. She grabbed up Isnomi''s dirty diaper and the clear bottle in her other hand and led me out the door. Before we left the room entirely, I tugged on her hand and looked down at both of us. She said, "skyclad is traditional on Equinox. Even if most no longer do so." She then smiled, the first almost genuine smile I''d seen from her since she saw her grandmother bleeding out in the alley. "If anyone doesn''t like it, fuck ''em."


    She led me back to her room, stopping me in the doorway. She popped the top on the bottle, took a swig, and shuddered as she held it out to me. I took the bottle and downed a swig myself, almost dropping the bottle when pure grain fucking alcohol hit my throat. She took the bottle, splashed a little onto her thumb, shook it off, then wiped her thumb across Isnomi''s lips. Little trooper she was, she giggled, snorted, then looked at both of us with the same look she''d had when she tried the sriracha eggs.


    Saffron poured a bunch of alcohol onto the diaper, then pulled back and threw the bottle at her shrine. It shattered, knocking the shrine over and dousing everything around it in alcohol. She lifted her thumb, concentrated like she did when Mana Shaping, and a tiny flame flickered to life on her thumbnail. She held it to the diaper, and before flames engulfed it she yeeted it, shit and all, into the pile formerly known as shrine. Then she pushed me out of the room, closed the door, and walked back to my room.


    Important Safety Tip. Do not ever make Saffron that mad, because she is distressingly thorough.


    "Aren''t you worried about, y''know, burning the school down?"


    She shook her head, a lopsided smile on her face. "I never broke the wards on my room."


    We spent a while, maybe an hour, maybe a couple, sitting on a couple blankets we''d spread on the floor, playing with Isnomi, letting her try ''walking'' from one of us to another while she clutched at our fingers. Eventually Marie came back, and all four of us snuggled up right there on the floor. When Isnomi and Saffron were both snoring, Marie pushed herself to her feet, walked over and shut the light off, then stripped off her maid''s uniform, folding it and laying it piece by piece on my desk. I guess maybe I should have been shocked to see she had an honest-to-god tail that hung down to about the level of her ankles, but by this point I had no fucks to give about that. When she curled back up around us, every part of her that pressed up against me felt furry, and I couldn''t bring myself to care about that either, especially once she started purring.


    If somebody else felt some kinda way about it, or about her spending some time sleeping with us?


    Fuck ''em.


    I woke up later, still tired, but this time I had ''slept-too-long'' tired instead of the adrenaline-rush-crash exhaustion I''d fallen asleep with. Saffron had curled up in my arms, and a quick look around showed Isnomi using still-naked Marie as a jungle gym.


    "What time is it?" I yawned.


    "Dinner," she frowned, and a little sigh leaked out of her. "Work." With that she handed me Isnomi, stood up, and started dressing in the dark.


    "Could you please bring us some dinner? And maybe a bottle of something a little less potent than that last one?"


    She nodded and left. Isnomi took the opportunity while I lay there trying to let Saffron sleep to see if my hair tasted good. After a while Marie ghosted through, setting a big tray and a smaller bottle on my desk before leaving.


    Hey Boss?


    Yes, my most potent, victorious, and Glorious Champion?


    It''s gonna be Monday soon, and I need to have a conversation with Saffron. It might get a little long, but it''s important. Do you mind if I''m a little late for today''s field trip?


    How late?


    Uh, a few hours, then maybe some more sleep, because I''m still kinda beat up, and then I''ll be ready? Call it no later than noon tomorrow?


    A heaved sigh blasted through my head. Very well. No later than noon, and should you be ready sooner, I expect you to tell me so.


    Thanks Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    I couldn''t help but laugh at that, then thought, uh... we need some privacy for this discussion. Can you not listen in?


    Priestess most High, your discretion as you protected Sigyn and I from the serpent did not pass unnoticed. Rest assured that not only will I not listen in, I shall endeavor to make sure none other does either.


    Thanks Boss.


    I waited a moment, but he didn''t reply. I turned to look at Saffron and saw her staring up at me from inches away. "Do you know your lips move when you pray?"


    "Hey, I''m not praying."


    "You''re speaking with a God."


    I grunted my opinion about that, then asked, "Can you see?"


    "Maybe? A little? Enough to see your lips moving without hearing you speak? Enough to know where this," she ran a hand down my side to rest on my hip, "is?"


    I heaved out a sigh, because I would much rather be canoodling with Saffron that what I had to do next, but because I am a Mature Woman who Does What She Has To, I pushed myself up until I sat upright on the floor, my legs folded in front of me. Isnomi took the opportunity to straight up Tarzan her way across my back dangling from my hair, a shrieking giggle filling the room as she did.


    "Isnomi!" Saffron barked out as she scrambled upright.


    "I''ve got her. Here she is," I handed the squirming crotch goblin to her mom. Before Saffron could do more than get her hands on her, Isnomi managed to wriggle her way to her mom''s tit and settled in, her giggles now muffled happy baby noises. Saffron looked up at me, clearly blind, but clearly ready to listen.


    I heaved out a sigh. "We need to have a talk."

 Day Seventy Eight

    Dear Diary,


    Sometimes I really am the most clueless human on the planet. But once in a while? I get it right, I think. If not, I''m too dumb to notice, which is almost as good, right?


    So we sat there staring at each other for a bit. Okay, I stared at my wireframe view of Saffron, she just kept her eyes open and pointed in my general direction. Eventually, she said, "Well, what did you want to talk about?"


    I sucked in a deep breath, then blew part of it back out. "A couple things. A lot of things, maybe? But one main one. But I''m too chickenshit to just spit it out, so I''m waffling and talking about other things."


    She smiled, a tiny thing of affection and amusement in equal parts, "and now you''re talking about talking instead of talking about any of them."


    That got me. I laughed, then started in with, "Do you know why I wore that dress tonight?"


    "I''m going to assume it''s not because you wanted to look hotter than the sun in August?"


    Heat crept up my neck, but I rallied, "Uh, thanks? I mean it. I don''t know that anybody''s ever called me pretty before."


    "Oh, no, I didn''t say pretty. You are pretty, and beautiful in your own wonderful way, but I said hot and I meant hot. Your Patron has excellent, if somewhat erotic taste. Wait, is that what you needed to talk about? Is he making advances? Or have you already ''just happened'' to him, too?" Her question could have been angry, but I heard laughter barely confined behind her words.


    I shook my head, then realized she might not see it. "No. No, and definitely no, he''s married, and I don''t think she really likes me all that much."


    Saffron blinked. "How would you know if Sigyn likes you or not?"


    "We met. He introduced me."


    "You''ve met Sigyn?" She blew out a lungful of air in a long, silent whistle. "Just when I think I''ve got a handle on how weird you are, you go and take it to an entirely new order of magnitude. Are there any other Gods you''ve met?"


    I tilted my head, trying to shake all the bits into some kind of order. "I mean, I met Artemis, sort of, on the day she disavowed me and I, y''know, replaced her. I met a couple Asian gods; one of them I guess is a goddess of seamstresses? The other one is a short hairy dude. I''ve got no idea what their names are."


    "I''ve no guess at the seamstress'' deity, but the other... Asia, you''re certain?"


    "Yeah?"


    "Son Wukong. Tales of his exploits have made it all the way to Atlantis. He is... unique."


    "Okay, cool. Um, met a really scary Smith dude. He''s the one who made the boots."


    Saffron froze the moment I said ''Smith''. "He didn''t have a silver mirror and chair, did he?"


    "No idea about the chair, but yeah, I saw the mirror. Kinda needed it to make sure The Dress matched the boots."


    Her voice rose like three octaves, "You looked in the Weyland Smith''s mirror? How are you alive? How are you sane," here she stopped and held up the hand that wasn''t occupied with Isnomi, continuing in a much more normal tone, "wait, strike that. You''ve never been sane. Interesting defense against insanity, that."


    "Hey!" I squeaked in protest.


    Before I could say anything else, she leaned over and kissed me, just a quick peck on the lips, "I wouldn''t have you any other way, love. Insanity and all."


    "G... I so hope you mean that. That you won''t change your mind," I whispered.


    With no other noise in the room save Isnomi''s suckling, she heard me anyway. She looked down at Isnomi, then back to me. "I really doubt it, love."


    I smiled, "You know, you keep calling me that, I''m gonna start believing it someday."


    "You''d better. It''s true."


    Okay, the blush came rushing back. "Okay, so, um... there were a bunch of others I met at, uh, Heracles'' party? Only I didn''t really ''meet'' them so much as ''literally waltz around the party with you-know-who snubbing everybody''."


    Another blink, another moment of adjustment racing through Saffron''s face. "You attended the celebration of Heracles defeat of the Nemean Lion and snubbed everyone?"


    "Yeah, although I think most of them took it in stride. I mean, I keep kinda weird company. A few of them weren''t all that happy though." I cudgeled my brain to try and put IDs on the ones I''d seen. "I think one of the pissy ones was Zeus, another Ares, maybe? Couldn''t see his face with the helmet. Some blond surfer dude in leathers, didn''t look local. Oh! I''m pretty sure I saw Hera and Hel there too."


    "You," she paused, another bit of brain-lag as she took in my statement. "You angered Zeus, Ares, and some other god whose name you don''t even know?" She shook her head, trying to come to terms with my determined idiocy. "You did that and lived? I mean, sure, your Patron is a Trickster, he spirited you away before they could harm you, I''m sure, but," she stopped again. "That was him behind Diana, wasn''t it?" At my nod, she continued, "most believed him to be dead, or nearly so. I heard he attended your trial, defended you, but I scarce believed it." She tilted her head, as if trying to see me from a new angle. "Why did Loki show up to defend you at your trial?"


    "Ah, couple reasons?" At her frown, I continued quickly, "I mean, part of my deal with him is to spend Mondays with him. I mean, I don''t usually spend the whole twenty four hours, but he visits and we chat every Monday."


    "Is he likely to show up suddenly today?" She huddled a bit, as if suddenly aware of her nudity.


    "No, he told me he''d ensure our privacy and not listen in. I have to go see him before noon, though. I think he and Sigyn want some more alone time while I distract that fuckin'' serpent."


    She raised a hand to her face. "I find my own sense of incredulity completely overwhelmed. Loki is taking you to see his actual physical form. Which, if I recall correctly, is bound helplessly by the intestines of his own son?"


    "Oh, shit, that''s whose those are? Who the fuck did that sick shit to him?"


    She shrugged, "most of the pantheon, if I''m remembering correctly. Definitely Odin and Tyr."


    "Might need to pay them a visit at some point then."


    Her jaw dropped; apparently I''d done it again, "Did I just understand you correctly? You are planning to go and express your displeasure with not one god, not even just two, but the Patriarch of a Pantheon?"


    I shrugged, "Yeah, I guess?"


    "If I had not seen what remained of Diana, I would think you daft. As it is, I wonder if you have a death wish."


    "Nah. Been there, done that, didn''t even buy the tee shirt."


    That got her, she giggled. Isnomi complained as she lost her grip on the teat, and Saffron shifted her around to her other breast. "I halfway suspect you''re planning on trying to get me to swear to Loki."


    I shook my head, "No. I mean, if you want to, I can hook you up. Might need to wait until tomorrow, since he''s apparently ignoring me right now like I asked him to."


    "Ignoring you. Are you telling me you''re not just a, what''s that word you used? Devotee of Loki, you''re a Priestess of him as well?"


    I looked around the room before I realized she really couldn''t see me anyway, so I met her eyes and said, "Uh, High Priestess. Above all others, not that it really means anything, since apparently I''m the only one." I paused, and before she could say anything else, "Also his Champion. And The Dress is my official Champion and High Priestess getup."


    She sat there, a little stunned, the scent of relief rolling off of her in waves, "That would have been nice to know yesterday." She raised a hand, forestalling my response. "No, I quite understand there were other things going on, but knowing we had a High Priestess and Champion looking for Isnomi would have perhaps made me less frantic." She paused again, a thoughtful look chasing its way across her face. "It does explain why you could stand against Diana''s incarnate might and not fold like paper, though."


    "Uh... not exactly."


    Her gaze narrowed, "explain how that isn''t exactly why you could face a wrathful Goddess incarnate and not wind up a stain on the floor?"


    Before I could reply, Isnomi interrupted with tiny baby snores.


    "I''m gonna need you to have your hands free. Are you okay with putting Isnomi in her cradle for the moment?"


    She huffed out a sigh. "Up until a few minutes ago, I would have been offended at you for even suggesting I let her out of my arms for even a moment. Seeing as we have a High Priestess and a Champion in the room should someone intend mischief, not to mention a Trickster God ensuring our privacy? I think I can cope with her on the far side of a rather small room."


    "Yeah, I kinda wanted to talk to you about the room and cohabitating too, but this is, like, way more important."


    I stood, and she handed Isnomi over to me. It struck me in that moment how much she trusted me. Moving as carefully as I could, not only to be sure I didn''t drop her, but because I didn''t want to wake her either, I crept over to the crib and settled Isnomi there. My left arm let me know on no uncertain terms that it burned in effigy in protest over its continued use, but fuck it. I pulled a blanket over her as she snuggled a tiny stuffed bear. When I turned back around, Saffron stood in the middle of the room waiting for me. I took her hand and led her to the bed. I sat down on the side of the bed, but stopped her before she could join me. "I... I think you''re going to be angry with me, and I get it. I think you might be really angry with me. You might want to hurt me."


    "I would never..."


    I cut her off, my voice harsh, "Yes. Yes, you might. I need to tell you something. Something no one else knows."


    "Oh, I''m sure your Patron knows."


    I shook my head, "No. No, I''m sure he doesn''t. I mean, he might have guessed at some point, but I''ve never told him, and part of the secret is, I think, why I can keep secrets from him. But it''s a secret, and I should have trusted you with it, and I didn''t, even when I told you about how I got here. When I should have told you this, but I didn''t. So along with you wanting to kill me when you find out my secret, you''ll want to hurt me because I kept... because I didn''t trust you like you trust me." I petered out, trying to build up my courage.


    "How do you know I trust you?" She raised an eyebrow, giving me an arch look.


    "You handed me Isnomi just now."


    She got such a cute little huffy look at that I couldn''t bear that I might never see it again; tears welled in my eyes before I shook them away. "Fine. I do trust you. So before you reveal this incredibly important, incredibly secret, incredibly difficult to say secret to me, I have exactly one question for you."


    "Anything."


    "Did you intend to hurt me?"


    I shook my head convulsively, "NO!" Isnomi grumbled, and I winced. We both froze until we heard her snoring again. "No. Never that. Myself? Maybe. But never you, Saff. Never."


    She folded her arms across her chest, "Tabitha Diaz, you are not going to distract me at this point with sex. Out with it."


    I took a deep breath, let it out slowly, then lowered my Blend. All the way down; despite everything I knew about him, I trusted you-know-who not to be spying on the down low. It took more effort than I thought, like unclenching a fist you''d had gripping something for hours. Saffron just stood there, arms folded, her only sign of impatience the quiet drumming of her fingers across her arm. "Okay. Inspect me."


    It took her a moment, but she raised her hands to go through the Spell''s motions. I sat on my hands. I couldn''t bear to live with her angry at me. I''d seen what Mana Blades did to that bitch Artemis, if Saffron wanted to hurt me, to kill me, she could.


    I wouldn''t stop her if she did.


    She completed the spell, then blinked a bit. "Huh. I did not know I could see a Status screen without light. Fascina..." She fell silent, her eyes going wide and a little wild as she saw my Status screen. In part to see her in the light one last time, in part to cover my vision should she want to end me, I pushed my own Status out of my cheekbone. As I did, she blinked a little as she saw me in the light. "You''re... fuzzy. Furry. Like the Maids, only black where they''re white."


    I finished my Status.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(52, 73, 94, 1)" width="45%">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    NAME


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Mimic


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Mor


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    JErrvErrnErrlErr


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ATTRIBUTES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    STRENGTH


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    13


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGILITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    19


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ENDURANCE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    19


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    REASON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    6


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MEMORY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PERSONALITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    15


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AFFINITIES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Water (56.25%), Air (28.125%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PATRON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Loki


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    SKILLS


    Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


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    SCENT


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    <td width="76%">


    9


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    ARCHERY


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    24


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    RACIAL SKILLS


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    <td width="76%">


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    MIMIC


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    16


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    MIMIC (Attack)


    </td>


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    4


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    MIMIC (Attribute)


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    4


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    MIMIC (Defense)


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    8


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    MIMIC (Size)


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    16


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    MIMIC (Skill)


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    8


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    BLEND


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    32


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    I stared at it for a moment while Saffron made little choking sounds in front of me, then banished it so I could see her. I didn''t care if she decided to end me right then and there; if she did, I deserved it. If the last thing I ever saw was her about to kill me, so be it, the last thing I would ever see was her.


    Her head twitched in little aborted shakes, and her whole body trembled. After a moment she stepped toward me, and I tensed, but I kept my hands beneath my thighs and just stared up into her unseeing eyes. She turned and paced away from me, still arguing silently with herself. Back and forth she walked, four or five steps to pad silently across the room, another four or five to stand before me again. Eventually, she leaned on my shrine to steady herself. She jerked a hand away from my blood soaked dress, then froze. Her trembling stopped as if cut off with a switch. For a moment she stood there, leaning against my shrine, then she turned and walked back to me, resolve filling her eyes, her posture, her whole self.


    "Tabitha?"


    "Yes?"


    Without warning she swung at me, her fist connecting with my cheek hard enough to throw me sideways and backwards onto the bed. As I lay there stunned I heard metal hit the floor. I pushed myself back upright, eyes tearing. If this is what she wanted, this is what I deserved.


    "Tabitha?"


    "Yes, Saffron?"


    "That was for hiding this from me. I fully understand why you did. You were right to do so. But it still hurt to know you kept it a secret from me." She paused, her hands sliding to her hips. "Tell me truly now, do you have any other secrets you''ve held back from me?"


    "Nope. Nothing. If there''s anything I haven''t told you, it''s because I honestly forgot."


    She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Fuckin'' Goof."


    Then she went to one knee in front of me, bowing her head. "Tabitha Diaz, who is Mimic Reborn, I do, may I be lost to Nyx forever more should I deny you, take you as my Patron, now and forever."


    She looked up at me, sudden shock and surprise almost entirely overwhelmed by the reverence in her eyes. "Is this how you see the world?" She swept her gaze around the room.


    I wanted to reply, but my mouth wouldn''t work right. The moment she made her declaration? My arm stopped hurting. Entirely.


    Then it hit me, what she''d done, and I broke down. Tears leaked from my eyes, my nose ran, and I couldn''t speak through my sobbing. She scooted forward and reached up, pulling my head down to her, making comforting noises as I blubbered into her hair, trying to stop, trying to catch my breath, trying to explain.


    "It''s okay, Tabitha. I''m here. I''m here, and I''m not going anywhere. I''m here."


    I blubbered some more, trying to speak, nothing but, "buh, buh, buh," coming out. I don''t know how long I sat there sobbing, but eventually I managed to get control over my mouth, although my traitorous eyes kept weeping. "But, I love you."


    She ran her hand over my hair, moved it in small circles around my back. "I''d hope so, Goof. I literally worship you, you realize."


    "Yeah, buh," I sobbed again, once, before I cut myself off. "But how can I know? How can I know you love me, and aren''t just afraid of me? Aren''t afraid I''ll disavow you, or take advantage of you, or, or, or..." I trailed off, horrified at the thought that I might very well take advantage of her without realizing.


    She chuckled, her smile clear in her voice, "A literal Goddess, and yet still my Goof. Had you been anyone but you?" The light of a mana blade, far thicker than the ones she''d made previously, slid out of her index finger. She hummed a moment, and then pain lanced through my shoulder. I bit my lip, tasted blood. A moment later the light winked out, and the pain vanished. My arm, my split lip, my cheek where she''d hit me earlier, all gone in an instant. "Mine. All mine. Mine."


    A laugh burst out of me, and she pulled herself across me. She ran her tongue over my shoulder where she''d poked me with her Mana Blade, then giggled out another, "Mine. Mine forever. Mine."


    My worries nibbled at me, and I asked, "But how can I know you''re not just doing what I want because you can''t tell me no?"


    "Did you worry about that before?"


    "Well, yeah. Kinda."


    She''d managed to climb onto my lap, and she pulled me down to her breast, holding me there as she said, "The one time I''ve told you no, it took everything I had to do so. You didn''t force me. You could have, and I''d have had no more defense against you than I do now. But if you need any more assurance?"


    I nodded, "uh huh."


    "I guess you''ll just have to let me take the lead the way you do with Marie." She paused for the briefest of moments while that truth brick smacked me in the forehead, then followed it with, "oh, wait. You already do that." She shoved me backward, twisting me as she did, and I flopped backward onto the bed. She didn''t stop moving until she settled with her knees hooked over my shoulders, her hands braced on the wall while she held herself just above my face. "Now, I think you were about to try something nefarious the other day when I told you no?"


    I glanced at the cradle, where Isnomi still snored. "But... Isnomi."


    "Is sleeping, so I''ll have to be quiet."


    "What about me?"


    "Oh, I think I can keep you muffled well enough." Then she did. I didn''t respond, because it''s rude to talk with your mouth full.


    A long, excruciatingly quiet while later, we lay cuddled on the bed, listening to Isnomi''s quiet baby snores from across the room. The memory of Saffron kneeling in front of me before declaring me her Patron flashed in front of my eyes. Entirely unrelated to her kneeling in front of me a bit later, really. I chuckled and said, "Y''know, when you took a knee in front of me, for a second I thought you were about to propose."


    "Propose what?"


    "Marriage. Duh."


    She let out the cutest little chuckle-snort. When she''d caught her breath she deadpanned, "Oh, no, not marriage! Whatever will my Patron think?"


    "I think she''d be surprisingly okay with the idea," I drawled, then added, "enthusiastic, even." I kind of surprised myself with that latter, but I realized I meant it the moment I said it.


    Saffron just nodded. "Consider yourself proposed to then."


    "Really?"


    "Absolutely."


    I lay quiet a moment, memories of the world of Eastside coming back with painful clarity. "Are two women even allowed to get married here?"


    She shrugged. "So long as their Patrons don''t mind. From what I''ve heard, yours doesn''t. What about mine? Does she accept such unions?"


    I hugged her to me. "Yes!"


    "Yes, women who worship Mimic are allowed to marry women? Or yes, you''ll marry me?"


    "YES!" I squealed. Funny, I never thought I''d get excited about getting married. I mean, I still wasn''t super excited about a wedding, because I have an allergy to formality, but actually being married to Saffron? That ground gears I didn''t even know I had. "What do we need to do to get married?"


    Isnomi, woken by my squeak, grumbled. Saffron detangled herself from me and walked over to lift her from her crib and let her nurse. Man, there were times I envied that kid. Isnomi settled, Saffron said, "Well, first we''d need to find a Priestess..."


    I interrupted her with, "Fine. You''re a Priestess."


    She stopped, one arm on her hip, one eyebrow raised, "Not even a High Priestess?"


    I rolled my eyes and let out an aggrieved, "oh-kay, fine, you''re a Priestess Most High Above All Others. Now, what else do we need?"


    She laughed, "normally? At least two witnesses for the ceremony. We might have a bit of a problem there, unless you want me to tell people I''m now a High Priestess?"


    I shrugged. "Why not? Just don''t tell them who. I''m pretty sure they''re not gonna guess."


    "Fine, as you have said it, so mote it be. When shall we set the date?"


    "No time like the present."


    She dropped her free arm to her side. "It''s... it''s the middle of the night."


    "I guess we''ll have to wake a couple people up."


    "So eager. You still don''t trust that I''ll stay with you?"


    I shook my head, "No, I''m just deathly afraid of the kind of structure and commitment getting married implies. If I put it off, I''m gonna keep putting it off, and I don''t want to do that."


    She just stared at me a moment before shaking her head and facepalming. "Fine." She walked over and handed me Isnomi, then walked back to the armoire. Of course Isnomi took that opportunity to drop an enormously stinky load in her diaper.


    Good to have one point of stability in my life, I guess.


    I changed her while Saffron dressed, complaining in baby talk about the show I was missing while I changed her. About halfway through, I thought I had her clean, but realized I couldn''t really tell with the whole wireframe thing, so I stood up and slid the light on, then returned to finish cleaning her off. Saffron froze when I turned the lights on, then stood there blinking and looking around the room. "Oh, thank... you, I suppose. I wondered if my vision would stay like that."


    "Nope. Just when it''s too dark to see otherwise."


    She chuckled while she pulled her clothes on. "Here I thought you just had an excellent memory for where the things in your room were."


    "Nope. Just as clueless with that as everything else."


    She finished dressing, and I got a bit of a shock when I looked at my hands in the light. Fine pitch black fur covered every part of me I could see. I pushed my Blend back up, and it disappeared.


    "Aw. I kind of enjoyed the fuzzy look. Really liked the fuzzy feel, too."


    "Yeah, well. I don''t really blend when I''m like that."


    "Is that what that skill does?"


    "Yeah, among other things. Honestly, Loki really knows more about it than me."


    I finished cleaning Isnomi up; I handed her and a clean diaper to Saffron so she could do her Mommy Origami magic while I got dressed. We left the room and headed for Angel''s room. She didn''t reply when we knocked, so we headed over for Bill''s room and knocked. Saffron looked up at me, "you know they''re both stuck in their room for Devotions, right?"


    Instead of answering her I just opened Bill''s door. "Oh, noes. I might offend Artemis."


    She rolled her eyes and leaned in to look in the room. Bill was nowhere to be seen. I looked up and down the hall; light leaked out from a couple of the doors on the far side of the hall, including the Infirmary. Saffron tugged me toward it, and I hesitated. "Sister Siobhan kinda creeps me out since the trial."


    Saffron shot me a lopsided grin. "She literally worships you, Goof. Hero worship, but a bit more literal in your case, because reasons."


    I blinked, "Is that what that is?"


    She just nodded, "Now, come on, if she''s there, she can be one of our witnesses, and grandma can be the other."


    I let her lead me into the Infirmary. When we got there, we saw Sister Siobhan and Grandma Aetos each kneeling beside a bed filled with a still body.


    Bill and Angel.


    I ran over to the beds, Saffron right beside me. "What happened to them?" I asked, my heart sinking as I realized the answer before Sister Siobhan spoke. They''d both been stripped to the waist, blackened lines scored across their fronts like they''d been grilled. Angel''s arms ended just below the shoulder. Bill looked a little less grilled, just a few lines starting below his chest and ending just above his waist.


    "Someone attacked the Equinox celebration at the Moon Temple. Bill dragged Angel back here before collapsing."


    "Are they... dead?"


    Sister Siobhan shook her head, "No. They''re in Healing Comas."


    "Can''t you Heal them?"


    She shook her head again, "I already have. The damage... Horrific. I poured every ounce of Mana I had into them, but this is the best I could do."


    I looked at Angel, "Her arms?"


    "Bill brought them back. He''d Stabilized them, and Angel herself. I''ve put them under a Stasis spell, but..."


    I looked her in the eye. "Bring them here."


    She didn''t ask, just stood, walked over to a cabinet, and carried back two lumps of meat, one end of each flayed into ribbons. I took them from her, then looked at Saffron. "Clear the room. Wait in the hallway."


    Saffron didn''t hesitate, and she bullied the other two out of the room with the same kind of Mom voice she''d used on me a time or two. Once they closed the door, I walked over and shut off the lights. the wireframe helped me keep enough detachment to set Angel''s arms up against her stumps, lining up all the bits. I glanced over and said, "Sorry, Bill, I''ll be with you in a moment."


    I gathered Mana. I pulled it like I''d never done before, forcing more and more of it into the Shape I formed. I pulled so much it burned me from the inside out, and the Heal Injury Shape itself glowed so brightly it lit the entire room before I released it. It poured down across her like a waterfall, receding until every blackened bit of her glowed like molten iron. Her eyes shot open, glowing nearly as brightly as her injuries. She drew in a sudden, sharp breath.


    Then she pushed herself upright, her breath coming in gasps. "Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit..." I reached out, and she unthinkingly grabbed my hand. I pulled her out of the bed, then said, "Hallway. Now."


    "The fuck, Diaz? Where the fuck are we?"


    The wireframe had returned. I led her to the door and shoved her into the hall. If she''d tried to resist, I probably couldn''t have, but she still reeled from the healing, not to mention her last traumatic memories from from the Temple.


    I walked over to Bill, repeated the process, and helped him stand up. "Why''s it dark in here?"


    "Needed to focus on my Shaping." Not the whole truth, but not a lie either.


    "Diaz? What the fuck?" He wobbled a little, and I lowered him onto the bed.


    "Wait here." I put the lights up and retrieved the others from the hall. Siobhan stared at me, and the faint leftover burn I''d felt from channeling too much Mana tingled and disappeared.


    Grandma Aetos, ever practical, asked, "How?"


    I shrugged, "I''ve got a stupid amount of Mana to spend. I spent it. All of it." I paused. "Well, all I could push into the Spell, at any rate."


    Sister Siobhan shook her head, "When did you..."


    I cut her off, saying, "we came in here hoping you two could be witnesses."


    It only took Bill a moment to catch on, and he barked out a brittle laugh as he said, "I wondered when you two would get around to it."


    Grandma Aetos got it next. She walked over to me, pulled my chin around until I stared her in the eyes. She stood there like that for a while, then walked over to Saffron, took Isnomi from her, grabbed her by the hand, and pulled her over to me, placing Saffron''s hand in mine. Saffron looked up to me and said, "Tabitha Diaz, do you take Saffron Aetos as your wife, to have and to hold, to nurture according to your nature, to love and never leave, no matter the trials and tribulations, for as long as you both shall live?"


    "I do."


    "And I, Saffron Aetos, take you, Tabitha Diaz, as my wedded wife, to have and to hold, to nurture according to my nature, to love and never leave, no matter the trials and tribulations, for as long as we both shall live." She looked up at me, a twinkle in her eye, and said, "it''s customary at this point to kiss your bride."


    So I did.


    When we came up for air a long while later, she still hung onto me with both arms around my neck and said, "I now pronounce us married."


    Sister Siobhan broke the tableau. "Saffron? Did I miss something? When did you become a Priestess?"


    Saffron giggled and turned her face toward the Sister. "Shhh. It''s a secret to everyone."


    Sister Siobhan stumbled over and just kind of collapsed into the bed Angel had occupied before, alternating between giggling and shaking her head. Eventually she glanced at Bill, then at Angel, and decided on quietly grinning at me.


    "Hey, Grandma? Can you take care of her, make sure she gets to bed all right?"


    Grandma nodded, handing Isnomi back to Saffron as she dropped off my neck. I nodded the other ROTCs out into the hallway and closed the door. Angel turned to me, frowning. "I''m grateful for the healing and all, but what the fuck, Diaz?"


    I didn''t quite know what she meant until Bill asked Saffron, "The High Priestess didn''t ask for your Consent, did she?"


    Saffron shook her head, her eyes fierce. "She had Isnomi kidnapped. They nearly killed Grandma when they did. Left her lying in an alley next to a dumpster."


    Angel let out a low whistle. "Okay. Yeah. I can see that." She looked over at me. "I''m sorry, Diaz. I get why you did what you did, but I... I''m not sure I can trust you... trust myself near you. At least not for a while."


    "Yeah. I get it. If it matters, I wasn''t really seeing faces at that point. The only thing I could see, the only thing that mattered, was Isnomi. She''s my goddaughter." I took a deep breath. "I know you probably don''t believe this at this point, but I''d do the same for either of you."


    Angel shook her head. "I believe you. It just. It just doesn''t matter right now." I nodded, and she turned and walked away. I turned to Bill. "You too?"


    He shook his head. "I''ve known you could straight up kill me any time you wanted to from the moment I saw you take apart the Golden Children in the Practice Yard. You''re not any scarier now than you were then."


    "But you''re still scared of me?"


    "Yeah. You''re scary."


    I shook my head, still not quite able to believe it, despite all the evidence. "I get it if you don''t want to hang any more."


    He shook his head, stepped forward, and pulled me into a brief hug. "I still want to, but I think Angel''s going to need me for a while." I nodded, and he scampered off after Angel.


    I turned to Saffron and Isnomi, who by now had gone back to sleep, baby snores leaking out of her. "I think she''s got the right idea."


    Saffron smirked up at me, "You mean after all that, you don''t want to consummate our union?"


    I took her hand, spinning around so she held my hand behind my back, "oh, oh no, you''ve twisted my arm and forced me to agree to your wicked plan!" She just snorted, pulled me around, and hopped up for a quick kiss before leading me back to our room. Quiet shenanigans ensued before both of us fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.


    When I woke up, I jostled Saffron just awake enough for her to hear me say, "Time for me to go do the Devotional thing."


    "Mmkay. Have a nice day."


    I smiled at her, then went over to the armoire. I stood in front of it, staring at my uniforms, then turned and looked at where my dress had dripped blood down my shrine.


    Loki?


    No response.


    Loki!


    Still no response.


    Loki! Loki! Loki! Loki! Loki! Loki! Loki! Loki! Loki! Loki! Loki! Loki! Loki! Loki! Loki! Loki!


    Around the end of my display of childishness, grumpy Loki responded, I suppose you''re ready for me to bring you here now?


    D''you mind if I wear my school Uniform? My dress got a little bit soaked with blood.


    He chuckled, I''m painfully aware of that fact, although I''m not really displeased at all by it. A warm glow enfolded The Dress. There. Do please wear it. It''s the kind of thing that makes old men feel young again. My wife''s passionately possessive responses to seeing you wearing it in no way influence my decision.


    I slipped into The Dress, pulled the boots on. Neither had so much as the slightest hint of dirt or damage. I reached out my hand, felt Loki''s in mine, and stepped forward.


    Loki and Sigyn''s cave reeked of Blood and Power, so much it stunned me for a moment. Trying to ignore the smell, I walked over to the divine couple. "So Sigyn, I''m guessing that part of the reason you lose if I kill Mister Slither or free your husband is because they check up on you now and again, right?"


    She nodded. I stepped up to Loki''s chains, noting that they were in fact a single chain that looped around him multiple times, then pulled out a single link that lay nearly under him. "Hold on, this might sting a little."


    I popped out a Mana Blade and slid it through one side of the link. When I tried to twist it around until the neighboring links slid through the gap, I scorched my fingers. "Uh, yeah, I guess you''ll know what to do when that cools down. Then, without warning or telegraphing, I stepped onto Loki''s chest, right where the links lay the thickest, and launched myself at the fanged menace. I took it by surprise, getting an arm around it and pulling it to the floor of the cave before it could do more than splash venom onto my arm. That arm went numb, blackening briefly before feeling returned, but I now had the serpent pinned to the floor, my knees to either side of it, my hands leaning on the top of its head.


    "Okay, Mister Slither. I know you understand me. Here''s what''s going to happen. I''m going to pick you up and we''re going to have a nice little sit down over at the other end of the room. Maybe we''ll have a nice convo, maybe we''ll play a couple word games to pass the time, maybe we''ll just sit and vibe. But do you know what won''t happen if we''re doing that?"


    The snake slowly shook its head from side to side.


    "If you join me over there for a nice sit down, I absolutely will not ram a Mana Blade so far up your scaly cloaca that we have to glue you to the ceiling and hope nobody notices. Do we have an understanding?"


    The snake nodded as much as it could with me leaning on its head.


    "Okay then." I stood up, and the snake hissed and jerked away from me. I slid an extra large Mana Blade out of the back of my wrist, the blade as wide as my hand, the point extending at least two feet beyond my fist. Mister Slither took the hint and hissed something I mentally translated as ''fuck, I just work here, I''m not paid enough for this bullshit'' as he slithered to the other end of the cave.


    I looked at Sigyn. "Okay, unless you guys have need of me, I''m gonna be over there with our new Snake friend ignoring anything and everything that happens at this end of the room. Don''t forget to put the link back when you''re done."


    With that, I turned my back on them and followed Mister Slither to the far end of the room.


    Turns out he''s surprisingly good at Tic Tac Toe and Twenty Questions. Better than my dumb ass, anyhow.

 Sister Siobhans Book of Prayers

    Duir Twenty Seven, Y. Forty One: Oh, Canta the Beneficent, please watch over my Sisters as they travel across the river to the Yards tomorrow. In my heart I know those living there are no more prone to evil than I, but my gut still clenches at the thought of Sister Cheryl at the mercy of some Bag con man, or what might happen should Sister Auriemma unknowingly try to tell some criminal what to do. Please, forgive me my misanthropic thoughts, guide those who venture forth away from dangers they might avoid, and protect them from those they might not. Protect and guide those who would offer themselves up as Candidates for our Academy, as they seek a path more difficult than any of their ilk who have come before. As always, show me how I might best heal and avoid harm. Let it be so.


    Duir Twenty Eight, Y. Forty One: Oh, my dear sweet Canta, how could this happen? So many dead. So many missing. So many... No. This is why I am here. With the power and skills you have blessed me with, I will fight in the only way I may to keep those still clinging to life alive. Perhaps, once those who still waver between life and death are no longer at risk, Headmaster Miles will find those willing and able to empower the Revival of Sister Auriemma and Librarian McGowan. He knows of your blessing, though I know not how; his orders to me on the subject were clear when I took up this post. Barring orders to the contrary, I am only to make use of that gift should a Cadet fall in training, and then only should no willing sacrifice be available in time to Revive them. Perhaps he will make exception for... but who? With such savagery inflicted on their poor bodies, at best I might be weeks recovering, and by then the rest? Would remove me from my post for months. Maybe longer.


    I would do so, Lord. I would do so in a heartbeat. And... more would die while I lay insensate, those I might have saved were I awake. I now see Headmaster Miles'' wisdom in this. I would spend my gifts recklessly, had he not forbade me from doing so. Thanks be to you, my lord Canta, for guiding me to this place. As always, show me how I might best heal and avoid harm. Let it be so.


    Tinne One, Y. Forty One: Oh, Canta, Beneficent Lord. We''ve lost so many, but Cheryl. Cheryl was right. Nearly three dozen Candidates, all of whom survived the attack. Survived when some of our Cadets didn''t. Forgive me for judging those poor fallen Cadets, but somehow though none nor all of them had a hope of facing a Sea Dragon, at the end of the battle all our vaunted Dan Cadets lay dead, and the bulk of our new Candidates survived. Some may try to claim they lived by hiding, but in the amphitheater of the aquarium? There is no cover to hide in.


    One, a beautiful young woman who still hasn''t awoken, the poor thing somehow survived in the water with the Kraken and the Dragon. I can only imagine the bravery it must have taken, with two beasts rampaging, to enter their realm. Somehow she not only survived, but did so without a mark on her. Nothing but exhaustion, perhaps some symptoms of asphyxiation, from spending too long underwater. Pardon, lord, she wakes now. May she and those like her be the worth the cost. Let it be so.


    Great Canta. Such a strange girl. Orphaned, and by her parents'' mismatched names more than likely born on the wrong side of the sheets, living on the streets of that hellhole across the river, yet still willing to step up and protect our City. Calling me ''nurse'', although she didn''t seem to mean anything by it. Trying to deny her mixed ancestry when it''s stamped clear as day on her eyes and ears. Eating like... like a young woman who hadn''t eaten in heaven only knows how long, afraid she might not eat again any time soon. She ate the entire chicken, left nothing but clean bones on the plate, and then only the ones too big to break apart and swallow. She must have been starving when she came to the aquarium. On top of all that, she lost all her worldly belongings in the attack.


    I must admit, it confused me for a moment that she chose Diana as her Patron. I''d half expected Ares, or Hermes, or even Dionysus for some reason. Then I realized that with no family, no home? She might well have been living the life of a wild thing prior to volunteering.


    Still, despite surviving on the streets of that urban wasteland across the river, despite losing all her worldly possessions, she was willing to volunteer herself to the Academy. To be forged into one of the shields that protects us, the weapons that smite those who might harm us. I Vowed then and there that I would see that so long as she sought that title, that role? I would never stand in her way, that I would support her in any way I could. Let it be so.


    Tinne Eleven, Y. Forty One: Oh Canta the Beneficent, I suspect I begin to see how that girl survived. Twenty seven miles, and standing strong at the end, even before Marshall duBois has trained her. He seems even more interested in her career than I, although with how he described her behavior and testing during the staff meeting, that''s not surprising. He says she has the makings of a great fighter; as I''ve heard that''s how and why he became Marshall rather than Lord Lancaster or any of their lesser peers, I suppose he would know. Please, my Lord Canta, watch over her and guide her. Let it be so.


    Tinne Twelve, Y. Forty One: Dear Canta, where would she learn English of all things? Is she an ¨¦migr¨¦ from Rich Man''s Port? Or perhaps further south? The other professors seem to find her knowledge of that language uncouth; it seems only Marshall duBois and I really feel she''s a viable Candidate. I hope she''s chosen. Let it be so.


    Tinne Thirteen, Y. Forty One: Canta bless me with patience. The Marshall had the Cadets playing Squadball today. Cadet Saffron Aetos came down from the Practice Yard with a shattered nose; fortunately nothing which couldn''t be fixed with a Heal Injury. All sixteen Cadets from the Saturnday Physical Training class came down before dinner, none of them unmarked. If the Marshall had any bias toward Cadet Diaz, I can''t see where it helped her; when I Assessed her she''d cracked each of the bones in her forearms. She didn''t whine about it, but she did seem surprised by receiving a Heal Injury. No, she seemed surprised that Heal Injury was something I could do. Then again, all the healing after the attack at the Aquarium occurred either before she woke up or after she left.


    Cadet Aetos came back after dinner to pump milk for her little one. Such a dedicated mother, coming in after a day which left her so battered. I wonder if she''ll be as dedicated a student? I wonder if she''ll be able to be, with the burdens of motherhood added to the workload of a Cadet? I hope she will. Let it be so.


    Tinne Twenty, Y. Forty One: Canta sustain my patience, lest I be driven to let the Marshall know exactly what I think of him having the Cadets playing Squadball. Yesterday he had them doing perfectly reasonable physical training; a few Cadets came down with minor breaks from falls on the obstacle course, but I suppose those are unavoidable injuries when training Heroes. Today, though... Today Cadet Diaz came down with her nose shattered. Fortunately your blessing proved enough to return it to its previous pristine condition, but if it hadn''t, I hate to think how it would have impacted her. Other than being pretty and, according to the Marshall, somewhat athletic, she doesn''t seem to have much going for her. Oh, Sister Cheryl says she knows some advanced math, but she just doesn''t strike me as academically talented.


    That might just be my knowledge that she''s in two Remedial courses talking though. Hopefully those classes will help her enough that her athletic talent and whatever else Marshall duBois sees in her can carry her to graduation, or at least enough education that she''ll be able to find a place in the Guards if she fails her Academics badly enough. Although now I wonder if her looks are, indeed, what Marshall duBois sees in her. He''s certainly not so old as to be decrepit, and she is very pretty. Stunningly so for someone so tomboyish. I hope that''s not what he sees in her, because if she keeps injuring herself, eventually she''ll do something to lose that prettiness, and without the Marshall standing up for her in staff meetings, I doubt she''d even be in the Academy. So I really hope that she''s got something else going for her. Let it be so.


    Tinne Twenty Four, Y. Forty One: Canta lend me your grace, that I might not strangle Cadet Laurence Lancaster. Forgive me, my Lord, I know that I must not raise a hand to those under my care, yet he vexes me so. Of course, while he vexes me, he does not frighten me as much as Cadet Diaz. I was taught that Shaping Mana, even as your miracle, worked by bringing my will in tune with the world, and allowing my Mana to gently convince the world itself to take the Shape my heart desires. But Diaz... Tabitha forced her Mana upon the world, and the world bowed to her will, submissive. I shudder to think what would happen were she to do that to another person. I would say ''may it never be so'', but some impulse makes me think it might not be such a horrible thing. Oh, Canta, should you wish it to happen, let it be so.


    Coll Three, Y. Forty One: Canta lend me strength, she did it again. I don''t know if she''s accessing Franklin''s Global Inspect, casting Inspect separate from the Global Spell, or Shaping something entirely of her own creation, but what I saw today. She just bent the world to her will. Such force. Such power. So little finesse. I hope Cadet Aetos remains unharmed by her. Let it be so.


    Coll Eighteen, Y. Forty One: Canta protect that poor young woman. Dreaming nightly of becoming one of the Undead, lying trapped in a box at the bottom of the river. I suppose I ought report their dalliance to the rest of the staff, what with Saffron being the favorite of so many of the instructors. Frankly, though, if I can tell that the two of them are involved, any who can''t probably won''t understand why it''s important. I suppose in some small way I ought not be surprised. I''ve heard opposites attract, and if there are any two more opposite than the darling of the Academy''s scholars and the half illiterate problem child.


    Of course, that problem child is, and I find it terrifying to acknowledge this, a High Priestess of Loki. Or, well, she seems to think she is. I suppose she might just be hearing voices, or pulling off some kind of trick, but I''m not sure someone capable of tricking others into believing they''re a High Priestess of Loki is any less dangerous than a High Priestess of Loki would be. I should likely report that as well when next I speak with the Headmaster, but what and how do I tell him? ''She told me she''s a High Priestess of Loki and I believe her''? That would likely call my own judgement into question, and as one of the younger staff members I''d really rather not do that. Please, Canta, guide me when I speak to him next. Let it be so.


    Coll Nineteen, Y. Forty One: Thank you, dear Canta. With Loki confirming his Patronage of Cadet Diaz directly, her being his High Priestess is that much more likely. Again, it''s possible it''s some kind of trick, but should she be able to trick the Headmaster into believing Loki had spoken, that is no less impressive or dangerous. Of course, despite her devotion to the Liesmith, she seems dedicated to becoming a Hero of Phileo City. I can only imagine being the sole High Priestess of an Elder God will be an asset to our fair City. Please, lord, let it be so.


    Coll Nineteen, Y. Forty One: Canta grant me patience. Cadet Diaz has weaponized Stabilize. Not only that, but taught Cadet Aetos how to do it, and nearly Mana burned Cadet Aetos'' left arm by setting up some kind of loop. By your grace I think the damage will heal, but that young woman seems at times to be the antithesis of all that I am. With all her visits down here on Saturndays and Sundays, you''d think I''d be rubbing off on her by now. Let it be so.


    Coll Twenty Seven, Y. Forty One: Dear Canta... I have no words. No words adequate. I... I knew, when I set out on this path, that I would be called upon to Revive Cadets or teaching Staff. The Boons granted me by your Priestess when I swore my oath could defray the cost, could perhaps make it easier to bear, but even so. Even so the Headmaster, the Marshall, Doctor DeLeon, and my predecessor all told me on no uncertain terms, that if one of the less valuable Cadets offered themselves for one of the more promising ones, I was not to turn that offer away under any circumstances.


    It''s why I''m included in the Staff discussions, I think. Why the Headmaster makes it clear which Cadets are the promising ones, the shining stars, the ones valued by the wealthy and powerful of Phileo City. Laurence Lancaster, for all his arrogance, is smart, fast, and the latest scion of a long line of Heroes. Saffron Aetos, despite all the time she devotes to her daughter, despite her middling mental Attributes, despite her destitute upbringing, has positively raced ahead of her peers academically. William Driver is, I''m told, the closest thing Camden Yards has to Laurence''s equivalent. His parents are, for that poor City, wealthy, and universally respected. The young man himself is surprisingly Agile, and while he keeps his force of Personality hidden most times, I''m told it is in fact the highest among the Summer''s incoming Cadets.


    Then there are the others. Poor Linus Carruthers, sweet but the dimmest young man I''ve ever met, admitted at least in part as a favor to Guild Master McCann. Frederick Jonopolous, looked on as an English Pirate waiting to happen. Then the one who would not even be in the Academy without my filing out the paperwork in ignorance, then the Marshall seeing some spark of talent hidden to all others. Our ''least valuable'' Cadet, according to everyone but the Marshall. And perhaps myself.


    Merciful Canta, I curse myself for remembering to ask. Even as the words left my mouth, I prepared to sleep until you deemed my debt to you fulfilled.


    And then, like with so many other things, she was there. Lying in a pool of sweat and blood, she reached out and forced her will on the world once more. "Just do it," she said. Just take her worthless, throwaway life and restore one of the Academy''s shining gems. No great speech. No begging for mercy. No asking for recompense, or even the slightest bit of Glory. "Just do it." So I did. I reached into her and took what was needed. I expected perhaps to still need your Boon, to awaken and be forced to deal with another dead Cadet, one who no one cared for enough to sacrifice for. One who the cold, hard balance of the world said must be expended.


    ''I took what was needed''. Ha. I pulled, and an avalanche of power, of Mana answered. Almost as if she were a being of pure Mana herself, and that Mana forced its will on the world, forced my Revive to awaken Cadet Driver. Forced me to do what I did.


    I wish I could believe that. That my hand was forced. By the Headmaster. By the circumstance. By her power. But... I chose to Revive Bill, to Tabitha''s detriment.


    I am not strong enough, not wise enough, not brave enough to become a Hero. But I have dedicated my life to helping others achieve that lofty Title. I know what being a Hero means. And that young woman, with those three words, cut through to the core of it. "Just do it." Just let her be a Hero.


    The Headmaster tried to send her back to quarters, but I would have none of that. By your grace I have never experienced Soul Burn, and ought never need to. But I am told it is the most excruciating pain known to sentient beings, and yet Tabitha lay there, teeth gritted, barely whimpering. I told the Headmaster no, and placed her under Infirmary care.


    I told the Headmaster no.


    Perhaps rather than Cadet Aetos rubbing off on her, Tabitha is rubbing off on me. And that might not be a bad thing. Please, Lord Canta, should it be possible for me to become closer to that young Hero? Let it be so.


    Coll Twenty Eight, Y. Forty One: Canta. Oh, Canta. I...


    I hurt her on waking. She choked down her scream, choked down her sob, tried to claim lack of hunger.


    I can''t even claim to have done that much. I didn''t send for food. I don''t know how, but she has won the attention and care of Maenad Maid Marie. Had I no other reason to think so highly of her, that in and of itself would be a clue to her true nature. Maenads are Sacred to the God of Divine Madness, but many, especially the oldest, did not join him from desire. They were driven to him, fleeing pain so powerful, betrayal so deep, that even being torn limb from limb would hurt less. So to gain one''s trust...


    Marie fed her. Fed her like a child, first spoon feeding her, then delivering bite after bite with her own claws.


    Then... then... I didn''t see, didn''t realize what she was doing until it was too late. I saw the Mana gather within her, flowing everywhere but her Soul Burned left arm. Then, before I could do aught but scream, "don''t!" she imposed her implacable will on the world, on herself, on her arm. She forced her arm to move, forced Mana to flow through it in defiance of her Burn, screaming the whole time. Just to create a single scintillating line of Mana. Just to slice her bread.


    Then she forced herself to eat the rest of what Marie brought her, right down to the drippings. Sobbing the entire time. I could do nothing but watch, to see her force herself to act despite the wound I could never Heal for her. I did not let my tears fall. What hurt of mine could possibly compare to hers? Marie pushed her cart with all the dirty trays out of the room. Tabitha tried to stand, and I moved to her. To help her, to stop her, I will never know, because in my clumsiness I brought my hand down on her shoulder. Her left shoulder.


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    "Dear Canta." I whispered. "That... how can you do that? Doesn''t that hurt?"


    "Kinda fucking excruciating. Now, if we''re done here, I gotta get to my fuckin'' expulsion."


    I couldn''t believe she thought the Headmaster would expel her after her acts of valor, after her sacrifice. "Your... no, it''s just an inquiry."


    She laughed, bitter and harsh. "Oh, please. We both know Trease is going to finally get her wish at this fuckin'' kangaroo court. Don''t fuckin'' blow smoke up my ass about it."


    I shook my head. "Headmaster Miles wouldn''t..."


    "Wouldn''t what? I fucking stomped on him. I left a fucking boot print on his chest. That''s not something he''s likely to forgive and forget."


    I opened her mouth to reply, and Cadet Rider interrupted me. "Sister, the Headmaster needs you in his office."


    "Let''s get this shit over with."


    I left, obedient to the Headmaster, hoping that perhaps if I got there first, explained what Tabitha had done, that I could nip this insanity of expelling Tabitha in the bud. I was almost out of the Ladies'' Dormitory before I realized Tabitha hadn''t followed. I returned to the Infirmary door just in time to hear something slam into the far side. When I tried to open it, it would not budge, like someone had put a fake handle and door on a section of wall.


    Then Tabitha screamed. While trapped in the Infirmary with a Maenad. I turned to Rider. "Get the Marshall!"


    Long before he arrived the screaming started in earnest. With each new scream I pounded futilely against the door, cursing myself for damning my Hero to the most painful death I could imagine. Long before the Marshall arrived and began kicking at the door, trying in vain to break it open, her screams changed pitch and timbre, like she''d given in, like she eagerly awaited the end. Then everything went deathly quiet.


    I couldn''t stand it. I fled. Without the Infirmary to retreat to, I followed my orders and ran to the Headmaster''s office. Someone helped me into a chair, and I sat there trying not to collapse entirely into a weeping mess.


    Then Tabitha marched in, picture perfect in every way, dropped to Parade Rest, and Headmaster Miles called the Inquiry to order. At which point I realized who''d helped me to my chair as he stood and, Divine Personality silencing every Mortal in the room, insisted on a full Court Martial.


    I took my place at the Court table with dread filling my heart. When the Headmaster called for volunteers to prosecute Tabitha, that fucking bitch Trease stood up like her part in yesterdays'' events was anything other than nearly preventing Bill''s Revival. Forgive me, Canta. She vexes me so. But I almost wished she had been chosen, for her complete ignorance might have spelled Tabitha''s acquittal. Instead, Hero Velazquez stood to prosecute Tabitha, and while he might not have been the expert Doctor DeLeon was, he was smart, educated, and capable of utter ruthlessness in pursuit of justice. Not a patch on his lover, the Unbending Blade of Phileo, but an opponent who far outweighed any expertise Doctor Roberts might have.


    Despite Doctor Roberts'' impassioned statement of support for Tabitha, fear eroded my will as I knew without doubt that he would fail, that Trease would get her way, that Tabitha would lose her place and the Academy would lose a Hero. Then a clear tenor echoed through every mind in the Yard. Objection. Standing before Doctor Roberts, Loki calmly stated, "you''re in my seat."


    Tabitha''s Patron had come for her.


    The Headmaster, Loki, and Hero Velazquez went through the list of charges, then had Tabitha describe her actions. She described everything with a flat tone, chilling when I realized she used it to describe the death of her friend, her mad rush to get him to me, even me tearing a hunk out of her Soul to Revive him. As I watched her, she winced time and time again, but paid the pain of her arm no more mind than I would a pinprick while sewing a wound shut, or the smell when cleaning a septic wound. Hero Velazquez questioned her, and she maintained that same flat, dull tone, whether speaking of intending to kill Cadet Lancaster or her struggle to get Bill to me.


    Then Hero Velazquez asked her to demonstrate her new Spell, and after a moment''s thought she extended a shining blade of pure Mana from her forehead. Before I could even react to that, her voice returned to the normal cadence and tones I''d heard from her before as she talked about... food. Of course. From rumors I''d heard, if anything could break her out of her deadpan recital, it would be food. Definitely a woman of intense appetites. Appetite. Like all the famous Heroes I''d read about.


    Forgive me Canta, but when she described what Trease had done, how she''d tried to keep Bill and Tabitha from the Infirmary, rage licked at my heart, and when she described how she''d stomped Trease into the ground like the vermin she is, I felt satisfaction at that vicarious vengeance. I know as a Healer I should not, but I did. Please forgive me, let it be so.


    Then she described exactly how a Soul Burned arm feels, from the inside, and my tears flowed at the thought that I had done that to her. And yet... and yet she still stood there, proud and straight as any blade, even moving her arm despite that Soul Burn. Just like she''d done so many times in so many ways, forcing her will upon the world, forcing it to obey her. I still had no idea why that might make my stomach flutter and clench.


    Then, almost as if it didn''t matter, she said she hadn''t recognized my question. She didn''t know what I was asking of her. But she hadn''t agreed out of ignorance. She''d agreed because, as she explained, the cost didn''t matter. She didn''t care. Right then and there, at that moment, I realized that Cadet Tabitha Diaz wasn''t just my own personal Hero. She wasn''t just an exemplar of what a Hero ought be. I''d wondered at times about the will that could force itself on reality like that, at what its goal might be. But those vulgar, blunt words took those fears and burned them to ash, sprinkled them across the butterflies nesting in my stomach. "Didn''t fucking care, either."


    Then she bluntly told her Patron, a God Incarnate, that she didn''t care if he objected to her doing so. That she would do so again, knowing she might lose his favor, knowing what pain would befall her, knowing what she risked. Beyond that, I watched as she forced her will not just on the world, but on her own Incarnate Patron, telling him that if he did not accept her judgement, he was unworthy of her.


    And she was right. So help me. She was right.


    The Headmaster called for several of us to testify. First Marshall duBois, then Hero Potami, then Doctor DeLeon, then me. I tried to remain as calm and demure as a Healer of Canta and Sister of the Academy is meant to be, but I couldn''t help myself. As I sat, I twisted just enough to keep her in the corner of my eye, to watch my Hero, to watch over her while I spoke. I told the tale of Bill''s Revival as I''d lived it, doing my best to deliver my testimony with the same self-possessed calm she had.


    I... I revealed your secret Boon to me, Lord. I could not in good conscience allow my Hero to be punished for her Heroic deeds. I know that I shouldn''t have. Knew that I shouldn''t, that you would wax wroth with me even as I did it, but... I could not. I can only beg you to forgive me. Let it be so.


    Muin Eleven, Y. Forty One: Canta be praised! For the past ten days, Cadet Saffron Aetos has returned seemingly every day, plying me with questions regarding Soul damage and the means to fix it. Of course, each and every time I had to reassure her that Soul damage does not, cannot heal naturally. Oh, if the damage is not too great, and the patient is a practitioner of Mana Shaping or some other art which exercises the Soul, function may be restored, but the scar will remain, a constant painful reminder of the trauma that injured them. Of their sacrifice. Of her... Tabitha''s sacrifice.


    Then, just today, she dragged Tabitha into the Infirmary. My Hero, finally returned after two weeks away, two weeks where, had not the events of the Court Martial been so indelibly seared into my memory, I think I might have believed her survival some kind of dream.


    "Good Afternoon Sister Siobhan!" Saffron announced as she came through the door, dragging Tabitha along behind her.


    I didn''t even try to hide my joy at Tabitha''s return. "Saffron! Good afternoon! I see you''ve brought our Heroine!"


    She laughed, then humbly demurred, "nah, not till I graduate, and that''s not for a while yet, I''m guessing."


    I shook my head at her modesty. "Tabitha, after what you did for Bill, all without flinching, I will always think of you so, no matter what else happens."


    Then she grinned wickedly at me, and those butterflies in my stomach returned in force. "Even if I turn to the dark side and seduce you?"


    I... I tried to respond. Tried to banter with her as she did with me, so effortlessly playing the role of suitor, one I''d never had someone play for me before. I could only imagine it as play, because I knew, without doubt, in that moment, that were she to focus that world bending will on me, I would submit. Eagerly. Gleefully. Wantonly. I tried to respond, but in the end could only stutter out, "what can I do for you girls today?"


    Saffron answered. "We were hoping you could examine Tabitha''s arm again."


    I shook my head at Saffron''s stubborn, irrational optimism. "I will, but like I told you before, Saffron, injuries like that do not heal. Not short of divine intervention, at any rate."


    I lead Tabitha to a stool and, to be sure none of the defensive properties of a Cadet''s uniform interfered with my Assessment, asked her to remove her arm from her jacket and shirt. She winced slightly as she pulled her elbow free of both, but I missed if she reacted any more than that. My face warmed when I realized she wore no shift, no binding, and her revealed breast stood proud and full, nipple stiffening in the cold of the room. I ought not have reacted, I''ve seen plenty of breasts before, but something about the layers of muscle in her chest that underlay it, combined with the rakish grin she gave me when she saw my blush made my whole body tense in anticipation.


    Taking myself to task, I bowed my head and prayed for your guidance, Assessing her arm starting from her pour Soul burned fingers. And then...


    A miracle. Just above her elbow, all evidence of Soul burn disappeared. My Heroine had forced her will on the world once more. I... I felt myself torn asunder, one part of me worshipping what I suddenly believed to be a genuine Demigoddess in the making, another part of me sinking deeper with every moment into the wanton desire to throw myself at her feet and beg her to do with me what she willed. The final part, which fortunately took precedence, Assessed her arm again, receiving the same results. "Has the pain in your arm receded?"


    She shrugged, and thankfully ignored how my eyes twitched to watch the interplay of muscle layered over her shoulder and what it did to her breast. "I mean, my shoulder aches a little now and then, but that could be from me carrying my arm weird from the pain. I guess my upper arm is hurting less? But my elbow still tries to convince me it''s burning itself to ash every time I bend it. Or straighten it. Or put any weight on it. Or use it in any way. Or anyone touches it."


    I... I couldn''t move. I couldn''t breathe. I wanted to fall at her feet and worship her. I wanted to sing hymns of praise to her gorgeous hazel eyes, to speak words of longing to her smile, to scream... to scream for her... The ceiling spun into view, rushed away from me as blackness took me.


    I came to on an Infirmary cot, her arm holding me away from the enchanted pillow. Her left arm.


    "Sister, are you all right?" she asked.


    What else could I say? "Miraculous."


    Saffron dragged her paramour away. I didn''t blame her, because I''m certain my desires were writ plain on my face. I only hoped she would forgive me my urges, since I seemed incapable of acting on them. "Sorry to leave so soon, Sister, but we''ve got to get going." She glanced at Tabitha, wry humor clear on her face. "Before something just happens to make us late meeting Doctor Roberts."


    I had no idea why, but I realized just then that not only was Cadet Saffron Aetos aware of my desire, it amused her. Not the mocking amusement of one who felt their position in their lover''s arms to be unassailable, but the amused camaraderie of someone who felt the same way about Tabitha as I did. I... have no idea if that was her intent, or if my own desire made me hear things that weren''t there. I can only beg that you guide me in this, dear Canta, that my actions neither embarrass you nor hurt either of those young women under my protection. Especially Tabitha. Let it be so.


    Muin Thirteen, Y. Forty One: Canta grant me patience. The Marshall allowed them to duel with live steel. Cadet Aetos, who despite her academic brilliance is still smaller than I am, against Laurence Lancaster, who has trained in the use of a sword since he could walk. It''s a miracle that she escaped with a slash to her arm and another cut on her hand. Of course, I cannot think that Tabitha would let Saffron fall after spending herself to Revive Bill. I hope never to find out. Let it be so.


    Muin Nineteen, Y. Forty One: Dear Sweet Merciful Canta! Saffron''s Grandmother has been viciously attacked, stabbed and slashed. I''ve Healed her, of course, and even now she sleeps and should make a full recovery.


    To my shame, when Tabitha raced in with her wearing nothing but a single long swatch of silk that barely hid her intimate regions, I hardly noticed the poor old woman in her arms. When she grabbed my face and pulled me to her, my first thought was that she was about to will all my fanciful daydreams about her forcing her will on me into reality. I realized right then that while we''d spoken so many times, even that first day when she arrived at the Academy she''d never really focused herself on me before. Under the power of her focused will, I nearly lost myself right then and there.


    Then her hands dropped away from my temples and she barked, "Grandma Aetos is in Critical condition. Someone''s kidnapped Saffron''s daughter Isnomi." My cheeks heated, and I could not tell you whether shame or frustration caused it. "I''m going to get Isnomi back. Tell somebody else if you''re not official enough."


    Then she was gone, as fast as she''d come.


    Merciful Canta, please let her find Saffron''s little one safe and sound. And forgive me for seeking vengeance, but should whoever savaged Saffron''s grandmother have harmed a child? Lend her the strength to do unto them as they deserve. Let it be so.


    Muin Twenty, Y. Forty One: Dear Canta, someone attacked Cadets Driver and Mac Conno. I know not who, because Cadet Driver collapsed immediately after arriving at the Infirmary. The burns... I''ve only seen such heat, such damage from Dragon fire, and even that didn''t have this kind of focused intensity. He''d Stabilized her arms after he''d done the same for her. I''ve done what I can to preserve them, but my Healing is not sufficient to reattach them. It isn''t even sufficient to do more than stop the bleeding of her stumps, of the burns on her chest and Cadet Driver''s. I''ve tried. Oh, Dear Canta I tried, but I could not. Saffron''s Grandmother had to wake me where I collapsed when I depleted my Mana trying.


    I''ve placed them into Healing Comas, but...


    Dear Canta, I... am insufficient. Please, I beg of you, I will pay any price, but... help. Please. Let it be so.


    Muin Twenty-One, Y. Forty One: Praise be to Canta the Merciful and Generous and... Praise be to my Hero, Tabitha Diaz.


    For the past day I''d knelt, praying for your intervention, hoping against hope that somehow, despite my inadequacy, you would see fit to help the poor mauled Cadets.


    And then, shortly after I felt the subtle ebb and flow of Mana as the sun set, the Infirmary door opened, and She was there. "What happened to them?"


    I croaked out, "Someone attacked the Equinox celebration at the Moon Temple. Bill dragged Angel back here before collapsing."


    For some reason guilt colored her voice when she asked, "Are they... dead?"


    "No. They''re in Healing Comas."


    Then she ripped my heart out and stomped on it when she asked, "Can''t you Heal them?"


    I shook my head. "I already have. The damage... Horrific. I poured every ounce of Mana I had into them, but this is the best I could do."


    "Her arms?"


    "Bill brought them back. He''d Stabilized them, and Angel herself. I''ve put them under a Stasis spell, but..."


    She looked me directly in the eye and with three words forced Hope into me. "Bring them here."


    I retrieved Cadet Mac Conno''s savaged arms and handed them over. She took them from me, then looked at Saffron. "Clear the room. Wait in the hallway."


    I desperately wanted, no, needed to see Tabitha force her will on the world, to make things right, but somehow Saffron had me outside of the room before I could think to protest. In the dim hallway I saw the light around the Infirmary door wink out, then... Earlier I''d felt that subtle Mana flow of sunset, but now a veritable hurricane of Mana rushed past, rushed into the room, and the pure light of Mana being Shaped flickered around the edges of the door. Something... something that felt vaguely like what I imagine your own Heal Injury might feel echoed through the door. A moment later Tabitha opened the door, shoved Cadet Mac Conno out with her arms attached. Then, while I frantically Assessed her and discovered that, other than superficial scarring, she was physically healthy in every way I could Assess, it all happened again.


    Then Tabitha ushered us all back into the Infirmary. I stared, unashamed, at the Demigoddess before me, who had done what only a Divine messenger could possibly do. Inflicted her will upon the world, remaking it as she desired it to be. In so doing, fulfilled my oaths when despite all my efforts I could not. Just as I''d begged you to do, to send someone to do for the past day.


    Saffron''s Grandmother asked, "How?"


    Tabitha shrugged, dismissive of her own miracle, "I''ve got a stupid amount of Mana to spend. I spent it. All of it." She paused. "Well, all I could push into the Spell, at any rate."


    I hadn''t even realized she knew Heal Injury. "When did you..."


    She cut me off. "We came in here hoping you two could be witnesses."


    I stood there, confused. A moment later Cadet Driver barked out a brittle laugh as he said, "I wondered when you two would get around to it."


    Then Saffron''s Grandmother walked over to Tabitha, pulled her chin around and stared her in the eyes. They stood there like that for a while, then she walked over to Saffron, took Isnomi from her, grabbed her by the hand, and pulled her over to Tabitha, placing Saffron''s hand in that of my Heroine. Then unexpected envy filled me to overflowing when Saffron looked up at her and said, "Tabitha Diaz, do you take Saffron Aetos as your wife, to have and to hold, to nurture according to your nature, to love and never leave, no matter the trials and tribulations, for as long as you both shall live?"


    "I do."


    "And I, Saffron Aetos, take you, Tabitha Diaz, as my wedded wife, to have and to hold, to nurture according to my nature, to love and never leave, no matter the trials and tribulations, for as long as we both shall live." She looked up at Tabitha and said, "it''s customary at this point to kiss your bride."


    They did. Oh, Canta, did they ever. And oh, Canta, despite all my Vows, did I wish I was Saffron Aetos.


    When they came up for air a long while later, Saffron dangling with both arms around Tabitha''s neck, Saffron announced, "I now pronounce us married."


    At that point the incongruity hit me. "Saffron? Did I miss something? When did you become a Priestess?"


    She giggled and turned to face me, winking. "Shhh. It''s a secret to everyone."


    I don''t know how, but somehow she conveyed to me with that wink, that smile, and that simple statement that she might share that secret with me if I wanted. Perhaps it was my own wishful thinking. But as heat rushed to my face, as my heart hammered in my chest at the thought of my Demigoddess'' wife... gifting me to her, all I could do was stumble to one of the Infirmary cots, grinning like an idiot as fantasies of the Demigoddess you sent to rescue me from my own failure imposing her Divine Will upon me, taking me as her Reward as was right and just and good.


    I think she set Saffron''s Grandmother to watch me, but I''m not certain. My face burned as hot as the fuzzy images in my mind, and as Tabitha herded the other Cadets out of the room, Saffron took half a moment to glance at me, one eyebrow raised. And she smirked as if she could see every desperate need kindling within me laid bare. I don''t know if the tilt of her head as she turned away, as Tabitha pulled her out the door, was my own fevered imagining or a promise for the future.


    I do not know if she wants me. I do not know if her wife would share her with me. If not, then it will be my honor and privilege to Worship her from afar, second only to your own Glory, Great Canta. But if so. Oh, if only it could be so.


    Please. Let it be so.

 Day Seventy Nine

    Dear Diary,


    So apparently my antics over the past couple days screwed Saffron and I over a little more than I''d thought.


    Nothing we won''t recover from. More ''annoying shit'' than ''tragedy'', really. Apparently the Equinox Break is also the semester break, when people change up what classes they''re in, move from one tier to another, that kind of thing. There was a whole ''moving up'' thing Sunday evening, and Monday (I really ought to get used to saying ''Moonday'', but whatever) we were supposed to pick classes. So Saffron is now (surprise surprise) officially a Cadet rather than a Freshman Cadet. Prior to spending it helping me fix the Academy, her Independent Study, intended to be ''let the single mom not fall too far behind'' wound up being ''watch the wunderkind race ahead of everyone else''.


    Still kinda blowing my mind that she agreed to marry me. Don''t get me started on the whole ''she asked me'' thing. Does not compute. Objectively, I know she technically asked me, but subjectively? No way, I had to have conned her or something. Still, that''s just what you''d expect from Loki''s Champion, right? Seducing star students and spiriting them away so they don''t show up to their own Moving Up Ceremony.


    Wait, were we getting married just then? No, wait, that would have been technically part of Monday. The dark parts just after sunset, but the Moving Up ceremony happened a few hours before that. I''m guessing that either attendance isn''t mandatory, or duBois figured we''d rather rest than sit through a stupid formal ''yay, you didn''t fail!'' ceremony.


    Okay, I feel pretty bad about Saffron missing hers.


    Anyway, screwed up day / night schedule aside, Marie woke us both knocking on the door with our morning laundry delivery. I think I surprised her when I bounced up and gave her a quick peck on the cheek, then a hug before she went on her way to do Marie things for the day. Saffron had the crotch goblin on her lap, nursing, so I hung our fresh laundry up. By the time I''d got everything put away, she''d finished, so she handed her to me while she got up to get dressed.


    The predictable happened.


    While I dealt with the shitty side of baby care, Saffron said, "new classes today."


    Without looking up, because I did not want to get shit all over my hands, I said, "What?" Because I''m the worlds most interesting conversationalist.


    "Yesterday while you were out I dealt with getting our new class schedules squared away."


    I paused, looked up, and asked, "No, I mean what, why are we getting new classes?"


    She smiled down at me and explained, "I forget that little things might be different. We get a seven day break centered on every Equinox or Solstice. The last day of the break is the day we pick out our new classes."


    I blinked, then caught Isnomi''s hands before she could get them into the contents of her diaper. I held them over her head while I finished cleaning her up. "They don''t pick them for us?"


    "No, although in some cases there are ones that are required. Like," she paused, sighed, then said, "You failed Remedial Standardized Celtic, so you have to take it again."


    "Fuck."


    "I really don''t understand how you even need that course. Your Celtic is... colorful at times, but always pretty articulate. You speak it like a native, even if you aren''t." She shrugged then paused, staring at me, expecting some kind of explanation.


    "I grew up speaking English. It''s kind of the lingua franca of the world back where I''m from."


    She paused, puzzling that out, then asked, "Wait, you''re a Frank?"


    "No, I''m Puerto Rican. Dunno if anybody lives in PR right now, but where I''m from it''s a mix of Taino natives, Black former slaves, and Spanish overseer types who all interbred until, well," I motioned to myself, but then stopped, "shit. I didn''t look like this before. Uh, kind of middling brown skin, brown curly hair, brown eyes is the norm, but there''s a lot of variation."


    "We''ll have to sit down with a map at some point, I think. Maybe once you''re done fixing everything you''ve busted up around the place," she took the sting out of her words with an affectionately sweet smile. "I kept my Independent Study days the same, and we''ve got PT, CT, World History and Cultures, and Intermediate Heroic Skills together. I figured you''d want a midweek break, so I kept Remedial Celtic on Freydays. I left my Devotional day on Moonday." She''d just finished getting herself just so, and as I tried to fold Isnomi''s diaper together she dropped to a knee and went through a whole fancy bow and scrape routine. "I trust Moonday Devotions are acceptable to my Goddess?"


    I couldn''t help it, I broke down laughing, and she leaned over while I did and did more Mom Diaper Origami to put Isnomi back together.


    "Only if you teach me how to do that thing with the diaper."


    This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.


    She smirked at me, then smiled, "I was going to say it''s a secret Mom trick, but I guess you''re part of that exclusive club now, aren''t you?"


    Holy shit. I hadn''t really come to terms with that yet. Godmother, sure, that''s one thing, but... I''m a Mom now. Again with the Does Not Compute.


    "Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am."


    She raised an eyebrow as she hefted Isnomi up and nudged me toward the armoire. "You guess you are?"


    I laughed while pulling my clothes on. "Yeah. I''m still coming to grips with the fact that I''m married, being a Mom hadn''t even crossed my mental horizon yet, and then you drop it on me like the world''s biggest truth-bomb." I shook my head, trying to rattle the gray matter around enough to get it functioning again. "I mean, if I think about it, yeah, I''m married, I''m your wife, you''re my wife, she''s my daughter now, and that means I''m her Mom now, but emotionally? Still not really registering."


    She stepped up to me as I slid my arms into my jacket, putting an arm around me, holding Isnomi between us. "You absolutely registered it in every way that matters on the Equinox. You''ve never balked at changing her diapers. You play with her even more than I do," here she grinned up at me, Isnomi mirroring the expression, "although that may be due to having more compatible mental ages."


    "Hey!"


    She leaned her head against my chest, and I forgot all about my mock outrage. "We''re not the same kind of Mom. But we don''t have to be. You love her as much as I do, and really that''s all I''d ever ask."


    I put my arms around them and gently drew them close. We stood there for a while, just enjoying the vibe. Then from down in the cave formed by our bodies, a squeaky little voice said, "ma!" We both pulled back a little bit, and Isnomi giggled at our expressions and said it a couple more times. "Ma! Ma! Mama!" she squeaked, and we both praised her and repeated the word back, holding her hand and touching first Saffron, then myself.


    "I didn''t think kids started saying stuff until later. She''s such a smart baby? Who''s a smart baby? You are! Yes you are!" Okay, I may be getting a little too into cooing at her. Fuck off, she''s cute.


    Saffron played with her hair while I held her hands and babbled more nonsense praise at her. "She is my daughter after all. I suppose her sire wasn''t stupid, either. Bag mature a little quicker as well. From my research, she''s maybe a month or two ahead of her peers."


    I kept playing with her hands and using that ''talking silly to the baby'' voice while I asked, "Back on the topic of other Mommy''s schedule, what do I have today?"


    Saffron looked at me, clearly having mastered the ''really, Diaz?'' look so well I figured it had to show up on her Status screen by now. "Basic Mana Shaping. It''s got quite a bit of book-learning that Remedial doesn''t, so be ready to take notes. Also, is that really what you want her to call you? ''Other Mother?''"


    That brought up creepifying memories, and I shuddered. "Yeah, no, you''re right. Not the thing I want to be called. I''ll explain it later, when she''s not listening. Bit of fiction, and ''Other Mother'' was creepy scary as fuck."


    She handed me Isnomi, and I held her out in front of me, swooping her around while Saffron did up my buttons and fixed everything until she judged me fit to be seen with her. We left our room and headed first to the Infirmary, where Grandma waited to sit her for the day. When we left for the Dining Hall, I asked, "When will Grandma be heading home?"


    "She won''t. I spoke with the Headmaster yesterday, and he agreed to let her stay on as Isnomi''s caretaker and to assist Sister Siobhan. At some point we''ll want to head over to our old house and collect anything we want to keep, but for now? I just feel safer with her and Isnomi staying at the Academy full time."


    I gave her a kind of ''you''ve got a good point'' sideways nod, "Yeah, I figure this place has a couple hundred Heroes-in-training, duBois, and the Maids here around the clock. Can''t get much safer than that."


    "Not to mention it is a literal fortress. There''s a reason there aren''t any windows on the ground floor."


    I blinked, realizing how right she was, and how little it had actually registered until she said it. Every structural part made of stone, set on top of one of the biggest hills around, wide clear areas in every direction around the place. A lot of the little weird bits about the Academy''s design became clear when I thought about it being a fortress rather than a school.


    We got to breakfast, and Angel, Bill, and the junior ROTCs all joined us at the table. Angel didn''t really do more than a polite nod, but she didn''t run screaming at least. I pretended not to notice when she low key moved her hand across the table between us, her hand in that ''warding against evil'' position I''d seen duBois do when he mentioned Balor of the Mor. I really hoped that she''d get to a point where I could at least apologize to her, but I wasn''t exactly Ms. Congeniality. I''d have to wait for her to be ready.


    Bill, on the other hand, either had no problem with me or hid it better. "So, how''s married life treating you?"


    Raven, Fred, and Bonnie all looked at me, eyes wide. Bonnie even squealed, "Really? Who''s the lucky guy? Is it Lyman?" Angel rolled her eyes, smacked her lightly on the back of the head, and turned her to face Saffron. Her eyes got even bigger and she half-whispered, "Ohhhhh!"


    I looked at Bill and said, "Enjoying it so far. Helps that my wife is hot, and even patienter than she is hot."


    At that Raven said, "Wait, you''re serious? I thought he was teasing you two about shacking up together."


    "Really truly serious. As of Sunday evening. Well, I think it was technically Monday night." I shrugged.


    At that Raven pulled out her sketchbook and started drawing. Bill barked out a laugh and said, "It''s official, you''re definitely the guy of the relationship." I gave him a look, but he just said, "Married less than forty eight hours, and you''ve already forgotten when your anniversary is."


    I spluttered a little at that, eventually throwing a toasted bread heel at him before getting down to the serious business of breakfast. The rest of the table slacked off on stuffing food into mouth for the rest of breakfast, poking good natured fun at Saffron and I about our sudden yet inevitable wedding, and even Saffron joined in when they did the same about me being the ''guy''. I mean, I know what I am, but I''ve got nothing against guys, so I''m not going to get all bent out of shape when somebody calls me one.


    Raven didn''t help at all, even though she didn''t say word one during the breakfast-long ''poke fun at Tabitha'' session. But the sketch she handed me as we got up to head to class? With Saffron in a beautiful wedding gown and me in a fancy tuxedo looking suit? Yeah, that kinda hit different.


    I was late to my very first Basic Mana Shaping class. Had to take that back and put it up on the wall in our room so it didn''t get messed up. Priorities, amirite?

 Day Eighty

    Dear Diary,


    I''m really not cut out for anything involving lots of math. I mean, I can do math, but it''s all, like, memorized rules and shit. Not something where I can see an image in my head of what the math is describing.


    Isnomi woke Saffron and I this morning, protesting about being left in her cradle overnight. I wasn''t about to complain too much, what with her being in her crib for Obvious Reasons, but I wasn''t super happy about the alarm. Still, not her fault, so I rolled out of bed, walked across the room, scooped her up and dealt with the inevitable dirty diaper situation.


    "Hey, can you show me that origami trick you do?"


    "That one really takes two people, and Isnomi''s awake." I shot her a ''really, Saffron'' look, only to see her grinning down at me. "I know exactly what you mean, I just can''t resist taunting you a little."


    I finished cleaning Isnomi up, then pulled a fresh diaper out of the armoire. "You know that kinda grinds my gears when you tease me like that?"


    "Of course I do. It would be less fun to taunt you when you can respond in kind." Her smile melted into that evil grin I loved so much. Completely unfair she did it with Isnomi awake, when neither of us could really start something.


    I looked down at Isnomi and tickled her belly while baby-talking, "Somebody''s being a cruel bitch, and will pay for it later, won''t she? Won''t she now?" For her part, Isnomi giggled at my voice and the tickling, going off into full on uncontrollable baby giggles when Saffron knelt down, picked up the fresh diaper and bonked me on the head with it.


    Then she scooched over next to me and lay the diaper out flat, then tugged Isnomi onto it until her butt sat about two thirds of the way down the diaper, then started folding things around, stopping after every fold, undoing it, and having me repeat what she''d just done. After a bit, when I tucked the last bit into itself and picked the baby up without dropping her, a big stupid grin stretched across my face unbidden, and I spun Isnomi up and spun her around to face Saffron, "Look! I''m a baby with a diaper on! No longer free to spray the world with toxic waste!"


    Saffron just rolled her eyes and pulled us both into a hug, then took Isnomi and told me to get dressed.


    "Why me first?"


    "Because I like to watch you too, Goof."


    That shut me up for a bit, so I ignored the heat rising from my chest and got dressed. Fall had hit in earnest, and I didn''t look forward to going out in the Practice Yard commando or in a silk thong. Weird, missing granny panties. Still, that was a problem for another day, and for now I opted for silk.


    It would have been a little less face-heat-inducing if Saffron hadn''t narrated each article of clothing as I put it on. Still, she did the whole thing in a ''talking to babies'' voice, and Isnomi seemed fascinated by the whole process, so I endured. Amazing what you''ll do for kids that you won''t do for anyone else, even yourself.


    So once I got dressed, Saffron handed me Isnomi, tucked things in, folded them over, and generally put my uniform more or less in order the way I could never be bothered to do, and then went to get dressed herself. Again, I didn''t complain, although this had less to do with me spending the time playing airplane with Isnomi and more to do with the fact that we both slept in the buff and the longer she spent like that, the more I got to see her like that.


    I said it before, I''m a simple woman. I see T & A, I press like.


    So I narrated Saffron getting dressed for Isnomi, just like Saffron had done for her. I added the additional bit of touching each article of clothing as I named it, once touching Saffron''s as she put it on, once on me where I wore it. Saffron seemed a little put out when I described her linen underwear as a ''torture device'' and her linen chemise as ''pit spawned evil'', but she didn''t correct me, either. I''d get her on team Silk Underthings Or Nothing sooner or later.


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    We rolled over to the Infirmary, where we''d arrived before Sister Siobhan. Grandma sat there at Siobhan''s desk, and nodded when we came in. Before handoff, Saffron sat down on a bed and fed Isnomi; after that we had a big group hug, even getting Grandma involved before we left for breakfast.


    Odd breakfast today. No spicy eggs, but plenty of jalapeno scrapple, some decent sausages, and lots of bread. Something new hit the table; fresh apples. Kinda small ones, but clearly fresh from the farm. I ate everything but the seeds, just to see if I could. I saved all the seeds in a pocket, because when I ate one accidentally, it tasted awful, but before I managed to get a Maid to take them away, I started craving them.


    Kind of odd thing about the uniforms I hadn''t really grokked before, what with everything else being weird and new, and the single universal failure of women''s clothing back in Camden. The pockets straight up had no pants. I mean, the pants had no pockets. You know what I mean. A few loops of fabric at the waist and along the seams that didn''t have any apparent purpose, but no actual pockets. The jackets more than made up for it, with both thin external pockets right above my hips, small pockets along the centerline of the double breasting, and bigger inside pockets under each arm. I didn''t use them for much, since they weren''t really in easy-to-reach spots, except the hip ones, but that''s where I stuffed my bounty of apple seeds.


    Saffron noticed me pop one out and crunch it up as we walked to class. "I really hope you''re not tiring of me already?" I just gave her a ''what the fuck?'' look, to which she explained, "Building up a tolerance to cyanide, so you can poison me with it without suspicion?"


    "Y''know, I''d say your mind must be a scary place, but then you might drag me further into it."


    "Oh, you love it."


    I grinned at her and pulled her into a side-hug, "Yeah, I really do. Dunno about the seeds. I''m just kinda craving them."


    "Just remember what Sister Siobhan said, we can''t get one another pregnant."


    I smirked down at her, "Not without some really weird shapeshifting shenanigans, at least."


    "So you think we ought to cut back, what with your Patron being the God of weird shapeshifting shenanigans?" She grinned That Grin right up at me, and I zoomed in for a quick kiss before she pulled away to enter the classroom. I pouted and followed her in, ignoring Lancaster''s comment about inappropriate PDA as he followed me into the classroom.


    Okay, I just flipped him off a little bit behind my back. Very restrained and classy, I thought.


    Once we all got seated, Doc DeLeon opened up with, "Today we''ll be studying Morson''s favorite Greek city, Corinth. Cadet Morson, do you recall why you''d suggest we study them?"


    Morson rumbled out, "Engineering?"


    "Exactly! Whether its their use of columns and arches, their fascinating machines, or even their interesting ship designs, Corinth is the home of pragmatic engineering in the Greek peninsula." He nodded to Saffron and said, "While Athens has had its share of discoveries, machine wise, they tend to be more concerned about creating new and interesting machines, as opposed to Corinth''s focus on refining and incorporating existing machines as," here he paused, "what''s the term the Marshall uses? Force multipliers! Right. So, as usual, we''ll begin with the Races in Corinth, move on to the history and culture, and along the way we''ll study some of their most impactful devices, as they are key to understanding present day Corinthian culture."


    What followed was eight hours of three distinct forms of boring; first reviewing the Races of Corinth; pretty much Human and Bag, with a small sampling of Olympian. Then we talked ad nauseum about battles, which might have been interesting if Doc DeLeon got into more details about combat and less about logistics, and inventions, where he''d brought models, examples, or blueprints for everything we discussed. Of course, he went over the math behind each invention extensively. Morson loved it.


    Me? Not so much. I mean, when Morson, Saffron, and even Lancaster discussed how the math related to the inventions, I could follow the bouncing ball, but otherwise? I just did not get it. I tried, but the ball just would not bounce for me. At least I got some idea as to the state-of-the-art in ship building (somewhere between old school triremes and early multi-decked sailing vessels), construction (stone, stone, and more stone, but really well crafted, usually magically enhanced stone), and machinery, (clockwork if you were rich enough, and everything non-magical was driven by muscle, wind, and water power). They had some really amazing shit they could do without, y''know, modern machines, but all of it was either super-expensive, required Mana to power it, or both.


    It made me feel some kinda way about my old world, and about this one. Not sure exactly what, but I got this niggling feeling in the back of my head that something was Not Right, but I had no idea what.


    Apple seeds really hit the cronch I''d been missing though, so there''s that.

 Day Eighty One

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, there are some real disadvantages to my whole ''carving Mana Shapes with an arc welder'' Shaping routine. Like not being able to pass notes in class.


    So we got up early again. Same reason, Isnomi in her cradle needing a change. Not hugely early, just enough that Marie didn''t wake us on her first round. I got the door with freshly changed Isnomi in one hand while Saffron got dressed for the day. After collecting our fresh laundry and tossing it over my shoulder, I leaned in and gave her a quick squeeze. She returned the gesture, leaning her forehead down to bonk gently against Isnomi''s, all while purring low enough I felt it rather than hearing it. Isnomi giggled and reached up to grab her face, and Marie surprised me by gently mirroring her. That got Isnomi giggling and saying, "Ma! Ma! Mama! Ma!"


    She purred a little louder and replied, "Ba. Ba. Baba." Then she gently disentangled herself and left to go about her busy day of Marie things.


    Saffron, now fully dressed, walked over and claimed Isnomi so I could go get dressed myself. She watched me dressing while she fed Isnomi. "Wouldn''t that be easier before you got dressed?"


    She looked up at me, a wry smile on her face, "Yeah. Yeah, it really would. I''ve got to stop waking up while I''m dressing on autopilot."


    That got a laugh out of me, and I wound up needing way more ''Saffron makes it right'' time than normal. While I stood there playing airplane with Isnomi, she said, "You know, before Equinox I would have been terrified of letting any Maenad hold Isnomi. But just now? I didn''t so much as twitch; I didn''t even really notice and think about it until I was watching you dress. I mean, trying to dress. How do you manage to get your jacket tucked into the back of your pants and leave your shirt completely untucked?"


    I just laughed at that, gently tossing Isnomi up a few inches into the air and catching her while she let out little baby squees and spread her arms and legs out as she ''flew''.


    We dropped her off with Grandma then headed for breakfast. Still no spicy eggs today; kind of a bummer, especially when I saw the Barbie Brigade getting their soft-boiled eggs like normal. Don''t get me wrong, we still got plenty of scrapple, sausage, and bread. Plenty of calories, plenty of protein. We even got more apples and some kind of weird mush Saffron called ''mashed pumpkin''. I suppose it tasted a little like pumpkin pie, only without the spices. So not great, but a little variety at least.


    When we got to Intermediate Heroic Skills, Doc DeLeon surprised me by being the one sitting in the instructor''s seat.


    Saffron and I grabbed up the front two seats in the front far left. Saffron put up a Mana Ward, because some of the students still gave us looks when I Shaped. While she did that, I said, "Hey, Doctor DeLeon, what are you doing here today?"


    He smiled and said, "Apparently the rest think I''m the best instructor for the Direct Message Spell. So here I am. I''ll also be teaching you all Heal Injury after you''ve gotten Message as a Skill."


    "Huh. I''d have thought we''d get Sister Siobhan back for that."


    He smiled wryly at me, "I am, as I think I''ve mentioned a time or two before, a qualified Healer. Just because I cannot bring the dead back to life doesn''t mean I can''t heal the living."


    I nodded my understanding, then thought of a question while the rest of the class trickled into the room. "Hey Doc?"


    He winced a little, but said, "Yes, Cadet Diaz?"


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    "I get that some healing spells just boost someone''s own healing, but I remember Sister Siobhan saying something about spells that straight up fix what''s wrong with the injured person. Did I catch that right?"


    He nodded, "Yes, that''s correct. Heal Injury is one of those. While it is far less Mana efficient than other healing, and draws all of its Mana from the caster, it works almost immediately. Marshall duBois insists that our Heroes know this, because there are times you can neither wait for an injured person to heal, even at an accelerated rate, nor can you viably carry them back to safety."


    I nodded back. "Yeah, that kinda tracks. Follow on question?"


    Doc DeLeon scanned the room and said, "Certainly, but make it brief; now that the rest of the class is here I''d like to get started."


    "No worries. Can that kind of heal spell work on a dead body?"


    He shot me an astonished, ''what the fuck, Diaz'' look before the answer leaked out of him. "Yes. Yes, I suppose it could, although..." He trailed off, then shook himself, then turning to face the center of the room. "Good Morning, class. Welcome to Intermediate Heroic Skills. Today we''ll begin studying the Direct Message Spell. Before we begin with the Shape itself, a few notes about the spell. While the spell itself carries spoken information directly to the target''s ear, it does not in any way enhance the subjects comprehension. In addition, by default the target will hear you as if your mouth were where the spell delivers your message. This, of course, can cause problems if you speak at a normal volume when you''ve left the spell at its normal distance."


    Saffron raised her hand, and when Doc DeLeon called on her, she asked, "Are there ways to alter the distance or volume of the spell?"


    "Excellent question, and while that is possible, I''d like you all to get full understanding of the basic Spell before we go into how to adjust those variables." He turned back to the class at large. "Now, is everyone watching?" When we all nodded or said ''yes'', he held out one hand and made a few passes with it. It reminded me of something, but I couldn''t place where I''d seen it before. When he spoke again, he whispered. "Once the spell is created, it will continue to draw Mana for as long as you allow it to. Be aware, because given how you set the variables, the Mana drain can get fairly hefty. Does anyone need me to demonstrate again?" I could barely hear him, but I shook my head when Saffron shook hers. After another two repetitions, once everybody shook their heads or told him ''no'' about needing more demonstrations, he said, "Excellent. Now, the version I just showed you was obviously targeted at all of you. I''m going to show you the individual version now, targeting it at Cadet Garrison." I watched him wave his hands around. Whatever he''d done that reminded me of something didn''t go in this version. "Can you hear me, Cadet Garrison?"


    A skinny guy in the back row replied, "Yeah!"


    "Excellent. Now, did everyone see that?" Everybody nodded, and he continued, "I''d like you to pair up and practice sending Direct Messages to one another. Remember, in order to practice the Spell to the point where it is a Skill, you''ll need to recast it as often as possible, rather than just leaving it up. I''ll come around and assist anyone who needs it."


    I turned to Saffron, and she said, "You need me to show you?"


    I smiled at her and said, "Does this mean you''re gonna be my own private Heroic Skills teacher?"


    She smiled back, "I suppose it might, although I think of it more like tutoring you."


    "Yeah, but nobody ever made a song called ''Hot for tutor''." She wove the Shape of Direct Message for me, but this time I could see the Shape as a glowing line as she formed it. "How''d you do that?"


    "Doctor Roberts taught me when I told them I signed you up for Intermediate Heroics," she whispered in my ear.


    I imitated the pattern she''d used, then whispered back "Why?"


    She grinned at me, "Because I''m going to be teaching you the Skills from Basic Heroics two and three in our free time?"


    I blinked, "Wait, you mean I''m not supposed to be in Intermediate Heroics? I just skipped two classes?" She nodded, so I asked, "Why?"


    "Because I did finish all the Skills from Basic Heroics two and three during my Independent Study, so I had to be in this class to keep learning, and I shudder to think of what would happen to you in a class with Lancaster and his lackeys without me there to referee."


    That caught me, and I glanced around the room. I didn''t recognize a single face, and I''d been so focused on Doc DeLeon and Saffron that I hadn''t noticed as they all came in.


    I wound up humming ''Hot for Teacher'' for the rest of the class. Both halves, morning and afternoon.


    Eventually, after dinner, before we picked up Isnomi, she insisted I sing her the lyrics.


    Grandma got a little snarky when we showed up late to pick up Isnomi, but really? Totally worth.

 Day Eighty Two

    Dear Diary,


    So, no matter how much things change, some things stay the same.


    This morning I woke to the sounds of Isnomi fussing where she''d gone to sleep between Saffron and the wall. I quietly disentangled myself from Saffron, lifted Isnomi clear, and opened the light just enough I could properly clean her off before attempting Mom Origami Diapering. After the third time where the diaper fell off of her before she crawled more than six inches back toward the bed, I totally cheated and Mineral Bonded it together. I set Isnomi free with a quiet, "there you go! Be free!"


    Only to hear an amused, "you don''t pull the folds together tight enough."


    "I''m afraid of hurting her," I admitted. "She''s just so itty bitty."


    Saffron scooped her up and attached her to a tit while I tidied up the diaper mess and set it next to our dirty clothes pile. I stared at it for a moment before saying, "Wouldn''t it make more sense to give us hampers?"


    She shrugged with the shoulder opposite Isnomi, "Some of the Cadets wear a uniform for more than one day, others go through multiple changes a day."


    I raised an eyebrow, "The first one sounds a little gross, especially on weekends, and the latter is just mean to the Maids."


    "I''ll give you one guess who always changes before lunch."


    I shook my head. "Fuckin'' Lancaster. How the fuck did he wind up a Cadet, anyway?"


    "His family has a long tradition of Heroes; I think he''s got an older brother, maybe a cousin, who is a Senior Cadet, and he''s not the oldest man of his generation, either." Her voice held the frustrated acceptance I''d heard from so many people back in Camden when talking about privileged folks who didn''t realize what everybody else had to go through just to get to the point they started at. I moved over and knelt in front of her, pulling her and Isnomi both into a hug.


    After we''d sat there long enough for Saffron to rotate Isnomi to her other boob, I asked, "are they all as bad as Larry the Loser?"


    She shrugged. "It''s not like I''ve gotten to know any of them personally. Hell, the only time I remember seeing a Lancaster prior to Laurence was when Hero Velazquez dragged a bunch of Senior Cadets through the Yards. They went door to door, meeting people, asking them if everything was okay, doing some intense pest control, and rebuilding some of our sewer lines that had been infested with some kind of pixie rodents. The Lancaster with them pitched in just fine, but... do you know that look some people give you? Nothing you could call them out for, but just," she waved one hand around, at an uncharacteristic loss for words.


    "The look that says they don''t see a lot different between you and the rodents they''re exterminating."


    She sighed, "Yeah. Thing is, I''m not sure if it''s because we were Bag, poor, or just ''not a Lancaster''."


    I smiled at her, tickling Isnomi''s tummy as she detached from Saffron with a little burp. "Hey, we''re both on the fast track to not being poor, at least."


    She snorted, "No plans to not be Bag? Or becoming a Lancaster?"


    This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it


    "Yeah, the only way to do that latter one would be banging a Lancaster, and I just don''t see myself doing that." Saffron giggled a little, and I scooped Isnomi up to burp her while Saffron slowly tipped over, trying and failing to keep her laughter in. I got a decent burp out of the crotch goblin, then started blowing raspberries on her belly until she giggled as much as her mom was doing. I settled her in between Saffron and the wall and went to the door to check if Marie was on the way yet. I opened the door to find her standing there, one hand half raised to knock, but with her head sideways like she''d been listening through the door. I grabbed her hand and yanked her inside, her cart rolling behind her. I tickled her sides, but she just kinda stood there, looking down at me. "Dammit, you''re not ticklish, are you?"


    She almost drowned out her, "No," with a sudden bout of purring. She put her arms around me and hugged me, so I hugged her back, her purrs vibrating my whole body. After a while she let go, and I let her go about pulling our laundry off of the stack atop her cart, and tucking our dirty laundry into a laundry basket on one of the cart''s shelves. As she left to go about her busy day doing Marie things, I went over to the armoire, put away our clean laundry, then set about getting dressed. Instead of letting me wander off to my Remedial class alone, Saffron got dressed, fixed my sartorial mistakes, and she and Isnomi accompanied me to breakfast. She wound up getting away from me and crawling all over the table, accepting hugs and tickles and smiles from everyone there. Even Angel smiled at her, although I caught a hint of something else in her smile. Fear? Frustration? Regret? I wasn''t sure what it was, but there was definitely something there.


    Eventually the rug rat settled in next to a tray of sausages right between Saffron and I, and set to gumming them to death. When she managed to break the casing and get to the meat, she got that weird ''wtf?'' look, and I yeeted a hunk of bread at her. I figured if she kept nomming it, the spices couldn''t be upsetting her too much. Saffron didn''t comment on the sausage or the spices, so I guessed her maternal research didn''t have anything bad to say about babies and spicy sausage.


    After breakfast I gathered her up, delivered her back to Saffron, and wandered up to Remedial Standardized Celtic. Apparently Carruthers had gotten shifted into the class as well, although the other half dozen who''d been with me last quarter had passed out of the class, and three new kids, all obviously Camden Yards kids, sat at the desks the others had vacated. Sister Cheryl smiled at Lyman when he wandered in, and we spent the morning with me memorizing the shapes of common words in Celtic. By the end of the day I''d learned to write two different versions of ''a'' and ''the'', although apparently they''re not ''a'' and ''the'', but two different versions of ''a''? Maybe? Written grammar evaded me entirely, although I kinda understood what Sister Cheryl meant when she said ''Verb, then Subject, then Object''. Maybe my writing career wasn''t doomed before it began!


    Okay, yeah, unless written English suddenly wound up the common language, the best I saw myself doing was being able to write really janky letters home while out patrolling.


    Lyman followed me to lunch. I guess he liked the cooking, because he didn''t do anything embarrassing at all. Saffron glared at him a bit for sitting next to me, but when he took over the chore of yeeting bread bits at Isnomi, making a game out of getting her to catch them before they hit the table, she eased off a bit. I suppose not needing to eat at all made him pretty blas¨¦ about the mediocre lunch we got today; shoe leather beef, apples, pumpkin mush, and cucumber slices. Not, like, mixed veggies. Just the cucumbers, all sliced up. They weren''t bad, but cucumbers are like one of the blandest veggies out there.


    Right before lunch ended, a Cadet came into the Hall and handed me a sealed envelope. "This just came for you."


    "Thanks," I looked at Saffron, who shrugged, and Lyman, who did the same. I looked at the seal, which looked like nothing so much as a pine cone on a stick. I broke it open, unfolded the paper to read the simple message within. "We have matters of some importance to discuss. Please meet me at Six Hundred Thirty Eight South Street at your earliest convenience." The signature line simply read, "D."


    I showed the letter to both of them, and they both shrugged again. "You mind hitting South Street next Monday?" They both said, ''no'' at the same time, then traded annoyed looks.


    Looks like we''d all be hitting South Street next Monday.

 Day Eighty Three

    Dear Diary,


    I never expected that my swiss cheese memory would bite me in the ass quite this hard.


    So this morning started out okay. Saffron and I finished up fixing the front door and the Men''s Dormitory Filtration Ward in the afternoon. Last night before bed Marie showed up for bath time. Isnomi loved it, and Marie even brought a kettle of lukewarm water for the crotch goblin to get a Marie-bath of her very own. Like, platonic bath time for all of us, because Isnomi was there and awake, but still, utterly adorable watching Marie wash a little who had to be smaller than her hands when you included her freaky-long fingers and claws.


    Marie had the evening after that off, so we all kinda bundled up on the floor with some blankets under us and one on top of us, one big cuddle puddle until one at a time, we dropped off to sleep. I mean, I''m guessing Marie fell asleep, she was purring enough to send gentle, soothing vibrations through all of us. She woke me when she stood up to get dressed. She shrugged down at me and said, "Work." I nodded and pulled her into a hug once she''d finished dressing, before she left with her cart in tow.


    I settled down and watched Isnomi and Saffron sleep until the little one startled herself awake with an epic fart. She started crying, so I gently pulled her from Saffron and started the process of changing her. That''s how I knew it was a fart, because I got her diaper open there was nary a turd to be seen. Of course she corrected that just as I went to fold things closed again. I finished changing her, then sat there playing with her until Saffron said, "you really never tire of playing with her, do you?"


    I shrugged, "she''ll only be this little for so long, and once she''s talking it''s gonna be ''why this, why that, why everything'', so I''m enjoying this bit while it lasts."


    Saffron got up, scooped Isnomi up, and set to feeding her, kicking the blankets toward me as she did. I got the hint and shoveled our blankets back on the bed where they belonged. She looked at me and asked, "won''t that wind up being a bit of a chore at bedtime tonight?"


    I shook my head, "That''s for future Tabitha to deal with. Right now I''m going to turn the light up and get dressed."


    "Thanks for the warning," Saffron said as she closed her eyes and shaded Isnomi''s eyes with her hand. I turned the light on, and Isnomi detached long enough to say, "Ba! Ba!" before returning to her breakfast.


    "I think she wants to play peek-a-boo with you, Saff."


    She pushed herself upright and went to sit on the disheveled bed, devilish smile creeping across her face as she did so. "You realize I''m keeping track, and you will get your well deserved comeuppance on some unspecified future date, right?"


    This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.


    I pulled my shirt on and said, "Hey, that means you''re down for another date, right? Sweet!"


    She laughed at me, switched Isnomi around for evenness purposes, and played peek-a-boo with her until I finished dressing. Of course that left her with the results of milk-mouth baby giggles all down her front, but I sacrificed one of Isnomi''s clean diapers to wipe away the evidence before she handed the little one over for me to play with while she fixed me up and got herself dressed.


    Breakfast featured The Return Of Spicy Eggs, now with a few different kinds of chopped up peppers, onions, and I think maybe carrots in. We''d left Isnomi with Grandma for the day already, so she didn''t get to try the new eggs. Ultimate Sadness. Still, the eggs tasted better than they had before, so overall not a bad thing. I told Marie as much when she came by with another tray, and she just smiled and mussed my hair. The rest of the ROTC squad, even Angel, looked at me like I''d grown another head after she did that, but Saffron took it in stride, and if they wanted to know, they could ask.


    We bolted for the Practice Yard when the Barbie Brigade stood up; I was eager to get some exercise that didn''t involve somebody getting kidnapped or dying.


    When we''d all gotten into formation up in the yard, duBois set the whole class to running laps, but snagged me with a hand and a throat clear before I could sprint off to join them. Once everyone had made it to the ''track'', he looked at me and said, "decent work on the front door, Diaz. But I think you forgot something?"


    I looked up at him, and after a moment I remembered. "Oh, shit. I''m so sorry, I completely forgot."


    He rolled his eyes at me, "I kinda figured." He handed me a clipboard with a whole stack of papers on it, along with one of those glass Mana pens. "So the rest of the class is going to focus on Endurance training while you fill these out."


    "Is it okay if I fill them out in English?"


    He got a low key horrified look on his face, then said, "You know, I forgot you were in Remedial Celtic for that." Then he shrugged. "I''ll have to have Sister Cheryl give it a look see, but yeah, there''s no rule about what language the forms have to be filled out in." After a pause, he asked, "are you going to have any trouble reading them?"


    "Nah, I can read okay. It''s just writing where I''ve got some kind of mental block."


    "Probably the English stealing away all your ability to write anything else," he muttered while walking away to oversee the class.


    So that''s why Saffron wound up dancing with duBois before lunch, and Lancaster wound up dancing with him afterward. Mostly Waltzing, because duBois told us we''d be learning the ''Venetian Waltz'' next week, although they did a little Tango as well. Still no music, although the folks Tangoing really had some percussion going on between the claps and stomps. I realized why duBois had mixed things up with different people dancing different dances just as the after-lunch dancing drew to a close, so I raised my hand to ask him, "Are you having different people doing different dances because there are gonna be other rhythmic things happening on the battlefield?"


    He looked down at me and growled, "you''re not wrong, but are you done with that paperwork yet?"


    I wound up having to take it back to my room, where Saffron helped me finish it before we both dropped into bed, exhausted.


    I think I now fully appreciate Phileo City''s defense against internal Holy Wars, as well as duBois'' hatred of doing paperwork.

 Day Eighty Four

    Dear Diary,


    I''ve got to learn to think before I pop off. Really, I mean it.


    So Saffron and I got to sleep late for the worst of all possible reasons; paperwork. Isnomi woke us up early, which left both of us more than a little cranky. Honeymoon phase officially over. Still, it''s not Isnomi''s fault she''s still in the full on crotch goblin stage, and her saying, "ma, ma, mama," while I changed her diaper made the happy hormones flow, so by the time she''d been fed and Saffron and I got dressed, we''d both wound up in a better mood.


    When Marie arrived with our laundry, we''d already finished getting ready for the day. Saffron shooed me toward the Infirmary; apparently she had some stitch witchery she wanted to ask Marie about. I got to the Infirmary to find Grandma there, but no Sister Siobhan. The Sister still kind of creeped me out with her literal hero worship, so I took my good fortune in stride and, after delivering Isnomi, sat there chatting with Grandma about pre-me Saffron. Apparently she''d always been a serious, almost driven child. Her first and only deviation from that had been Isnomi''s dad, who apparently thought Saffron should have focused on being a housewife from the moment she got preggers. Grandma wouldn''t even tell me his name, although I got the impression she just didn''t want to sully her mouth or my ears with it. Apparently they''d had a big screaming match before the damn midwife even left the house, and Saffron both kicked him out for good and doubled down on her super serious, super driven, no fun at all persona.


    "You''re good for her," she said to me.


    "Wait, did I hear that right? I''m a good influence on somebody?"


    She chuckled at that, quietly because she''d gotten Isnomi to nap a bit. "Sometimes the best influence for someone is a bad influence."


    I kept my own laugh quiet, so I heard Saffron come in through the door. "What are we laughing about then?"


    I turned to her, grinning, "Oh, nothing much. Grandma''s just telling me stories about baby Saffron."


    She facepalmed, "What have you been telling her, Ma?"


    Grandma Aetos just chuckled and said, "Nothing except the truth, my girl. Nothing but the truth."


    Saffron shook her head and dragged me off to breakfast. Decent spread today, all the normal protein and bread, supplemented by some veggies chopped up in the scrambled eggs. We all bolted the moment the Barbie Brigade stood up.


    When we all made it into formation, duBois announced, "No sparring today." He let the inevitable groans run their course before continuing, "instead, you''ll be learning the basics of muscle powered ranged weapons. While we''ll be focusing on longbows, you''ll also be learning short horse bows and personal ballistae." At my raised hand, he paused and nodded toward me.


    "I know what bows are, and I kinda remember ballistae, but what''s a ''personal'' ballistae?"


    DuBois replied, "fair point. Lancaster, Rider, Ritter, Morson, go get all the bows, personal ballistae, arrows, and bolts from the Northeast shed. Driver, Diaz, Aetos, Mac Conno, go get the practice dummies from the Southwest." Once we''d all returned with the equipment and set the targets up along one of the longer walls of the Practice Yard, duBois held up a bow maybe two and a half feet long, with that neat double curve thing I remembered seeing in an old video about Mongols. "This is a short bow, primarily used by horse archers and scouts." In one smooth motion, he drew and fired at a target, nailing it near dead center. "While they''ve got less range and don''t hit as hard as a longbow, they''re a lot handier, both in terms of stowing them and using them in close quarters." He set that bow down, then picked up a bow longer than he was tall. "This, as you might have guessed, is a long bow. Used both by trained levies in large formations and by snipers." He drew and fired, the motion much slower and more deliberate than his shot with the short bow. The arrow sunk half again as far into the target.


    Then he set the bow down and picked up the most ghetto crossbow I''ve ever seen. He pulled a little prybar looking thing that yanked the arms back. Once the string settled behind a hook on the top side of the stock, he flipped it and cranked a ratcheting handle on the underside a few times before flipping it back right side up and dropping a bolt in front of the string. "This is a man portable ballista. The built-in goatsfoot is a local innovation, as is the torsion adjustment crank on the bottom. Between the mechanical advantage provided by both, even a soldier incapable of drawing a short or long bow can put nearly as much hurt downrange. Of course, a Hero using one can do something like this," He glanced at the targets and then, one handed, pointed the contraption at the same target with the other two arrows in it and squeezed a primitive looking trigger bar running along the stock. Where I''d seen both arrows fly through the air toward the target, I only saw a blur as the bolt left the ballista. Straw flew out of the backside of the target, the target itself tipped over, and the bolt itself sparked where it hit the wall. That got my fuckin'' attention, lemme tell you.


    DuBois turned back to the class and said, "we''ll be firing across the Yard this morning, we''ll do some long ranged shooting after lunch. There are eight of each weapon, and if you look, they''re all color coded like the arrows and bolts. Everyone pick your starting weapon, find your ammunition, and come back to formation."


    We all clustered around the bows, looking for one that suited us. DuBois pointed a few students toward the ballista. Bill had already been looking one over, so he just nodded and started checking for ''his'' bolts. Saffron put down the short bow she''d been holding and picked up a ballista. Larry, of course, put down his short bow and picked up a fuckin'' longbow that had to be twice his height. I mean, I picked a longbow too, but that''s just because I wanted to get it and the short bow out of the way, so I could spent some quality time with that janky ghetto crossbow. After a few minutes of sorting through the weapons, we all made it back to formation. "Excellent, Cadets. Now, before we do anything else, some very simple safety rules regarding bows. Never aim your bow at anything you don''t want dead. Never loose when there are allies in the line of fire. Never walk into the line of fire of someone who is aiming a bow. Final thing, while on the range, never loose when someone is collecting spent arrows. You may think you''re the greatest marksman since Diana, but everyone fucks up now and then, and you don''t want to have your bad shot to hit someone, because then it''s not just embarrassing, it''s also injuring one of your fellow Cadets, and I will take the latter out of your hide if it happens."


    "To reiterate, do not aim a bow at anything you don''t want dead, never loose with allies downrange, never walk into the line of someone aiming a bow. Do you all understand those rules, Cadets?"


    Of course we all said, ''yes'', but then he did what I''d been secretly dreading; he had us all repeat it back everything he''d just said. It took like nine repetitions before everybody shouted the rules with a level of confidence and conviction that satisfied duBois. Once he''d finished that, he had each of us pick up a target, set it up one paver away from one side of the Yard, then take ourselves and our weapons to the ''firing line'', about one paver in from the far side. "While you are firing, I will be walking along behind you studying your form, as well as helping anyone who is unfamiliar with the bows we''re using. Do not go retrieve your arrows and bolts until I announce the range is clear. If you need me to show you the basics, just keep your bow down and I''ll get to you first thing. The range is now closed, no stepping into the range. You may begin firing now."


    I swear I really want to figure out what Spell lets people do that ''filling the Yard at normal volume'' trick.


    So I wound up near one end of the line, with Saffron, Bill, and Angel to my right before the wall, and Lancaster directly to the right of me. I watched him draw the bow, having to lean just the tiniest bit backward to keep the bottom end from scraping the ground, and loose. Right then and there I revised my personal danger rating for Larry, first because he could even draw that comically oversized bow, which made him stronger than I guessed, and second because he managed to land a shot into the target dummy''s shoulder. I mean, mostly through the shoulder to lie on the ground behind it, but still, you get my point. After seeing him do it I realized I''d done myself a favor grabbing the smallest longbow of the lot; I still leaned a little, because it seemed somehow right, but I didn''t have to contort myself or anything just to fire.


    Weirdest luck, my first shot hit the target right below the waistline. I got a little jazzed at the idea I''d found something I didn''t have to cheat code my way into doing by Mimicking someone else''s hard learned Skills. I shot another arrow and hit the target square in the middle of the chest. By the time my third arrow hit it square in the face, my fourth and fifth had already left the bow, drawn and fired at a pair as I''d leaned further back and fired with my bow almost parallel to the ground. My arrows took the dummy in its shoulders, which almost tipped it over.


    Lancaster stared at me as I straightened from bending backward from that last shot, grudging admiration clear on his face. "Nice shooting." He then went on to put the rest of his arrows around the perimeter of the target, looking at me as the last one flew and finished the pattern he''d shot his arrows into.


    I nodded back, if he wanted to be gracious, I could play that game too. Hell, what with so many Lancasters in Phileo being Heroes, or vice versa, it might even be a good idea to not be constantly at odds with the only Lancaster I knew personally. Y''know, I barely got that out with a straight face. Anyway, I could do gracious. "Good shooting yourself. Way harder to make something look like a miss on purpose than just hit the center of the target every time." I drew and fired my last arrow, looking back toward Lancaster before it slammed into my target dummy, dead center in the middle of its chest.


    This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    Then we both had to wait for like half an hour before everybody else had fired their eighth arrow. I spent the rest of the time looking on as Saffron, Bill, and Angel took their time clawing, cranking, placing, then firing their bolts downrange. After they''d each made like two crappy shots, I called out and borrowed Saffron''s ballista to show them the kneeling firing position I remembered from one of the campouts in my ROTC days. Once Bill and Saffron had something to brace their elbow on while they aimed, they did a lot better. Meaning Bill went from two wobbly near misses to his next six shots went into the torso of the dummy. Not with nearly the precision patterning Lancaster and I had done, but still a pretty big world of hurt on somebody if they were his target. Saffron went from taking nearly a minute of aiming to fire to being able to reload and fire in maybe fifteen seconds. She only hit like three shots, four if you count the one that sliced open the bottom of the dummy''s chest without actually sticking in it, but that''s three out of six where before she''d been zero for two.


    The rest of the morning went kind of like that; we''d trade weapons with someone, or maybe pick up one of the spare bows, then go police up our arrows and returning to our firing positions, there to fire another eight arrows. After we''d each cycled through one round with each weapon, duBois told us to pick one we wanted to spend the rest of the day firing. Due to a shortage of ballistae, I wound up with a short bow. At one point I leaned over to Saffron and whispered, "I think I''ve got a knack with this!"


    She closed her eyes, smiled, shook her head, and whispered in my ear via Direct Message, "Check your Other Status, Goof."


    It took me a second staring at my Status while everybody else kept firing for me to get it.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 45%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(52, 73, 94, 1); border-style: solid; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto" border="1">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.8699%" scope="row">NAME</td>


    <td style="width: 76.1301%" scope="col">Mimic</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.8699%">RACE</td>


    <td style="width: 76.1301%">Mor</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.8699%">AGE</td>


    <td style="width: 76.1301%">Juvenile (<REDACTED>)</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.8699%">ATTRIBUTES</td>


    <td style="width: 76.1301%"> </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.8699%">STRENGTH</td>


    <td style="width: 76.1301%">13</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.8699%">AGILITY</td>


    <td style="width: 76.1301%">19</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.8699%">ENDURANCE</td>


    <td style="width: 76.1301%">19</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.8699%">REASON</td>


    <td style="width: 76.1301%">6</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.8699%">MEMORY</td>


    <td style="width: 76.1301%">4</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.8699%">PERSONALITY</td>


    <td style="width: 76.1301%">15</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.8699%">AFFINITIES</td>


    <td style="width: 76.1301%">Water (56.25%), Air (28.125%)</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.8699%">PATRON</td>


    <td style="width: 76.1301%">Loki</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.8699%">SKILLS</td>


    <td style="width: 76.1301%"> </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.8699%">SCENT</td>


    <td style="width: 76.1301%">9</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.8699%">ARCHERY</td>


    <td style="width: 76.1301%">24</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.8699%">RACIAL SKILLS</td>


    <td style="width: 76.1301%"> </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.8699%">MIMIC</td>


    <td style="width: 76.1301%">16</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.8699%">MIMIC (Attack)</td>


    <td style="width: 76.1301%">4</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.8699%">MIMIC (Attribute)</td>


    <td style="width: 76.1301%">4</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.8699%">MIMIC (Defense)</td>


    <td style="width: 76.1301%">8</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.8699%">MIMIC (Size)</td>


    <td style="width: 76.1301%">16</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.8699%">MIMIC (Skill)</td>


    <td style="width: 76.1301%">8</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


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    When I did, I just hung my head in defeat. "Fuck me," I muttered, only to get another whisper from Saffron.


    "It''s not a bad thing, love. But you might want to tone it down, because secret reasons, right?"


    I shrugged and nodded. I mean, it''s not like I hated being an awesome archer, but I thought I''d found something that was just me being good at something, rather than swiping it from somebody else.


    Fortunately, we broke for lunch after that. After gnawing on shoe leather beef and de-rehydrated pork product for an hour or so, we got back to the Practice Yard. As I filed in, duBois pulled me out of the line and said, "we need to talk." Since I saw another of me just standing there, and another of him going on about the afternoon''s archery practice, I just followed him up to his office.


    "Let me start by saying that as a Cadet, you''ve neither broken any written rules nor done anything I consider out of bounds for a student. On the other hand, as a," he paused, shaking his head before muttering, "I can''t believe I''m about to say this," before continuing on in his previous tone, "High Priestess and Champion of Loki, you''ve definitely played fast and loose with the rules. I don''t think its in anyone''s best interests to drag everyone through another Court proceeding centered on you, so I''m prepared to keep this as a simple case of filing improper paperwork, so long as you''re willing to accept my judgement on the matter?"


    I''d never really considered that I''d be in a position where duBois had to ask me permission to accept his judgement. I guessed there was something to this High Priestess thing after all. I nodded and he continued.


    "So the reason for your Holy War was to avenge the kidnapping of a child?"


    "I mean, the mission was to get her back. Vengeance was just kind of a side benefit."


    "Okay, the way you worded that could have been better." He picked up the clipboard of papers he''d had me fill out yesterday, paging through until he found the one he wanted to take notes on. "In your list of casualties, you listed Cadets MacConno and Driver. You also listed an estimated four dozen injured by yourself, as well as the former High Priestess of Diana. Who wound up dead on the floor?"


    My brain finally realized that whatever he said, the Marshall wasn''t in ''teacher mode'' at the moment. At this moment he was a cop trying to figure out what had happened that got people dead. "That''s correct, sir."


    "The remaining clergy have claimed her Soul had been destroyed."


    "From what I''ve heard, that''s a natural result of Artemis incarnating through a Priestess without an Angelic cutout, Sir."


    "Just so you''re aware, I''ve already received and read through their report on the War as well. Suffice it to say you have very different recollections of what occurred that evening."


    "I suppose they might, Sir."


    He heaved a sigh. "Did they get Cadet Aetos'' consent before taking her daughter?"


    "They did not, Sir."


    He nodded, "Did you deliberately target bystanders?"


    "Not intentionally, sir."


    He grimaced, and I felt a little sorry for him, if he had to go through this kind of shit on a regular basis. "So if it wasn''t intentional, it''s not deliberate. Final question. Did you get her back in one piece?"


    I nodded. "Wouldn''t be back if I hadn''t, Sir."


    He heaved out a sigh. "All right. I''m ruling on this one as a representative of the Council. We''ll vote over it when next we meet, but for now, on my own authority I''m handing down consequences. So, High Priestess, are you ready to hear my judgement and abide by it?"


    I couldn''t help it, I smirked at him, "Would be stupid not to, Sir."


    He frowned at me, nodded to himself, and said, "I will have a list of those injured during the War delivered to you before Monday. Beginning Monday, you and your followers," here he muttered, "although I didn''t think you had any," before continuing, "are to find each of the injured persons, apologize to them in person, and arrange for the amelioration of any loss suffered by those persons. You are to report your progress directly to me. Should I feel you''re delaying, we will revisit this judgement. Understood?"


    "Ameliorate how, Sir?"


    He shrugged, "That''s up to you. Heal them. Pay them weregelt. Whatever it takes for them to feel like you''ve balanced the scales with them. If there are any cases where you feel they''re taking advantage of you, you can bring them to me, but I''m fairly certain you won''t like my arbitration."


    "Understood, Sir."


    He dismissed me to quarters at that point, and I trudged back down to collect Isnomi before spending the afternoon playing with her in our room.


    When Saffron got home, she sat down and played with me, and when Marie got there later for bath time, she had an almost unrecognizable stuffed bundle of legs. I mean, it had clearly started out as Isnomi''s bear, but somebody''d added another four long, fluffy legs and moved the eyes around. She handed it over to Isnomi, who immediately showed her approval of the extra legs by chewing on them. Saffron leaned in and whispered in my ear, "I thought a Kraken far more appropriate than a Bear."


    Weird, to have spent the afternoon spiraling while trying to keep myself from showing that to Isnomi, then to have something so simple mean so much, to give me that warm fuzzy all over feeling that banished the spiral entirely.

 Day Eighty Five

    Dear Diary,


    If I''m narrating a Diary to myself, does that make me the Main Character? And if I am, can I still have Main Character syndrome?


    So I woke up this morning surrounded by my weird little family. I mean, I guess the ''me and Saffron and Isnomi'' part isn''t weird if you get past the ''Isnomi has two moms'' part of it, which everybody here seems to take in stride. The ''and our upright Siberian tiger Maid and concubine'' part is, I think, weird even for here and now. Weird or not, I gradually drifted awake with Saffron''s face inches from mine, Isnomi curled up in between us, and Marie curled across our feet, her breath warm on the small of my back, her tail curled up around Saffron. I have no idea how long I lay there, but eventually somebody knocked on the door.


    The second time they knocked, I realized it couldn''t be either of the people who normally knock on my door in the morning, so I slowly, carefully disentangled myself from the warm little pile, careful not to wake anybody as I did. By the time I got myself upright, the others all started stirring. More than a little bit cranky, I wandered over to the door, closed my eyes to keep from getting blinded by the hallway lights, pulled the door open and said, "all right, all right, I''m here, what''s the big rush?"


    "I''ve no idea, really, but when I saw someone knocking on your door with a missive, I thought I''d pop down early for our outing today." Loki stood there in the corridor in his Lyman disguise. The others went from ''lazily taking their time waking up'' to ''there''s a guy looking at us all starkers on the floor'' in like zero seconds. I shook my head, pulled Lyman in the door and closed it.


    I then spun him to face the door as I turned to look at the other three. "It''s okay. Well, okay-ish. Saffron, Marie, meet Loki. Loki, Saffron and Marie."


    Saffron, who''d managed to get upright with a fussing Isnomi in her arms, sighed, set the rug rat down on our blanket-nest, and turned to the armoire to fish out some clothes. She deadpanned, "you have your Patron deity as your personal tutor for written Celtic. Of course you do." I could hear the exasperation and affection in her voice, but I''m pretty sure anyone less well acquainted with her wouldn''t.


    The man himself replied, "If you''d been working with her for the past two months, you''d realize just how insufficient to the task even my divine powers are."


    I''d have said something, but he''s basically right. I cracked the wax Academy seal on the paper and opened it up to see what message somebody''d sent at oh dark in the morning. Meanwhile Saffron, shirt and pants on but not yet properly fastened, knelt before Loki and said, "You and your Champion saved my daughter. You have my eternal gratitude."


    He smiled and held a hand down to help her up. "And yet, I am not your Patron."


    She smiled up at him, still nearly a head shorter even though Loki''s Lyman disguise wasn''t exactly tall. "I found another who suits me better for that, but I won''t forget to make offerings at your temple," here she paused and mock-glared at me, "as soon as someone gets around to telling me where that is."


    Loki straight up laughed at that, a whole body thing that eventually had him leaning on my desk while I watched Saffron and Marie dressing. It took me a moment, what with it still being too fuckin'' early to be awake and Loki in his Lyman disguise, but as Marie moved for the door I remembered what day it was. "Marie?"


    She put her arms around me and said, "Work," in the tone of voice that let me know she''d rather stay, but had obligations. I hugged her back and said, "We really might need an Escort today." I waved the paper Lyman delivered, "I got the list of bystanders who got injured during our rescue mission. I''m supposed to visit them and make things right. Honestly, I''m not even sure how to find some of these addresses." Marie smiled down at me, a smile I''d seen plenty of times on Saffron''s face before she proclaimed me the goofiest of goofs. "After Breakfast."


    "How long is that gonna be? Is it even time for breakfast yet?"


    Loki laughed at that, "We simply must get her some kind of timepiece, ought we not?"


    Saffron looked at him, some measure of deference still keeping her gaze from quite meeting his, and replied, "I''m sure she''d lose it before the day was out, but we can try."


    "Hey! No fair double teaming me!" I squawked.


    Saffron, who''d managed to get her shirt and pants all just so, pulled her jacket on while saying, "That''s not something I ever expected to hear you say." She put just the right amount of leer into her expression. I tried not to laugh, Loki had no such compunctions. He pulled my chair out and sat down, laughing so hard he doubled over at one point. Marie tousled my hair and left to go get her own breakfast, I guessed. I scooped up Isnomi and, in the middle of her expected reaction, handed her to Loki, "Can you keep her amused while I get dressed?"


    Credit where it''s due, he got her giggling by making some really stupid faces at her while I went to the armoire. I reached for a uniform, but halfway there Saffron intercepted me. "You''re doing High Priestess things today, love."


    I winced, "Yeah, but I kinda hoped they wouldn''t recognize me, that I could just get in, fix shit up, and leave."


    She sighed, and I heard her voice in the back of my head, not unlike Loki''s, does he know of your unusual origins?


    I''m not sure, I thought back.


    Not sure of what? Loki replied immediately.


    Yeah, I''m dim sometimes, but I can recognize an untenable situation pretty fucking quickly. Survival skills and all that. Yes, I have them, I just ignore them a lot. But not this time. "Loki?"


    The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    "Yes, Tabitha?" He managed to lounge in the World''s Least Ergonomic Chair, his back against my desk with his arms spread out across the top of it behind him, while Isnomi stood with one foot on each of his thighs, playing with the collar of his shirt.


    I took a deep breath, mentally putting my ducks in a row before opening my mouth. Yes, that''s something I can do as well. I just don''t very often. "I''m not from around here."


    He just nodded. "I''d suspected as much."


    I cocked my head, "why didn''t you say anything?"


    He shrugged, the expression expansive given his pose. "You''re aware of my... unique position. More than anyone else save perhaps my beloved wife. Yet, you have not used that position nor your knowledge of it against me. If I can trust you with that, I can trust you to tell me your secrets in your own time."


    I couldn''t help it, I smiled at him, "Thanks, Boss. But I think it''s time to tell you this one."


    "Go on."


    Saffron gave me a quick encouraging hug before kneeling down and helping me get my formal wear boots on. "I''m not from this world. I grew up in Camden, New Jersey, United States of America. I died in the aquarium there and woke up in the aquarium here, almost exactly two weeks before you met me."


    He frowned a little, but a thoughtful frown, not an angry one. "I thank you for your trust, Tabitha. I suspect you are incorrect in some fundamental aspect of your story, but I thank you for trusting me with it."


    I blinked a little when he said I didn''t even know how I got here. "Seriously, Boss, that''s what happened." Saffron moved around behind me and reached one hand between my legs to get the grip she needed to yank my other boot on fully.


    "As I said, I trust you told me the story as you experienced it, but it is not possible. I am," he paused, as if searching for the words to encapsulate the idea he wanted to convey. I just stood there gawking at the thought that he really believed I would be able to understand something he had trouble explaining. "I am aware of the existence of other worlds, and not just those which are branches of our own Yggdrasil. I can see into some of them, even create things here in this world that I see in others. You no doubt remember my culinary blessings?"


    "Uh..." Yep, he''d lost me. I mean, not until the bit about culinary blessings, but try as I might my brain drew a blank when it came to Loki and cooking. Saffron pulled The Dress onto me, fixing the fabric where it went around my neck until my appearance satisfied her. Right then I realized what our little rug rat was doing, and couldn''t help but squeal at the cuteness of it. "Saffron, look what Isnomi''s doing."


    That got everyone in the room looking at Isnomi, including Loki, who had to cross his eyes to look at her, since she was just inches away from his chin. It took Saffron a second, but then she squeaked a little herself and swooped over to reclaim the precocious little crotch goblin. "Aren''t you just the cleverest little girl, straightening Lyman''s collar for him. You know it''s supposed to be folded over, and it isn''t, so you were fixing it, weren''t you?" She must have caught wind of Isnomi''s earlier contribution to her diaper at that point, because she lay her down and started changing her.


    Loki smiled down at them, but I saw the hurt there. "You okay, Boss?"


    He shook his head as he turned to look at me. "Of all my children, only Hel is alive and unbound. I... I envy you."


    "Yeah, well. Gimme a few to get my act together, and we''ll see about springing them."


    That got both of them staring at me. Hell, even Isnomi stared at me, but I kinda figured she was copying her mom and Loki. He chuckled and said, "You would set off Ragnarok with so little provocation?"


    I shrugged. I''m not normally the hesitant sort, and The Dress really brought out my decisive side. "The way I see it, your kids got shafted. They''re imprisoned for shit they haven''t even done yet. If I''m gonna free you, who actually did the thing he got imprisoned for, I might as well free them too, y''know?"


    That got me the unrivaled view of seeing Loki completely nonplussed. "You''re going to what?"


    I smiled at him, reaching out a hand to help him out of my chair, "you don''t think I''d let a friend stay locked up like that, do you?"


    He shook his head, the tiniest of motions, as he reached out to take my hand, "to think, in the days before my imprisonment, I would have devised some fiendish comeuppance for a mortal with the audacity to consider themselves my ''friend''. Yet now, in my humbled state, it is because you consider me a friend that you intend to not only free me, but my children." He stood, and as if it was the most natural thing in the world, pulled me into an embrace. Like, bro-hug embrace, not passionate kisses or that kind of crap. Good thing, I don''t want to get on Sigyn''s bad side.


    "Shall we be off about our errands for the day, then?" he asked.


    "Whoa, what about breakfast?"


    "I think you misunderstood your Maenad friend''s intent; I believe she left to go assist with serving breakfast, or perhaps cleaning up. By this point I doubt you''ll be able to eat your fill."


    "Not like that exists," interjected Saffron.


    "Fair point, but never fear. I shall provide a repast fit for a king once we''re on our way." With that, he opened the door and waved us through. Marie met us at the door, and I told the Guard I might be back late, but I''d take Marie as an escort to be safe.


    I''m glad I did. Even with Marie, Saffron, and Loki himself guiding us to the addresses on the list, it still took us the better part of the day to work our way through the names on the list. We didn''t even stop for meals, although I can''t complain there. Top shelf, steaming hot cheese steaks for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Well, for the three of us, at least. Isnomi got milk. Lucky little rug rat. Between Saffron and Lyman flanking me and Marie bringing up the rear, I didn''t get so much as a single perv trying to cop a feel, even wearing The Dress into some really shady corners of town.


    By the time we''d worked our way through the entire list, the sun had long since gone down. The last address had been a boat that looked semi-permanently moored to the docks at the waterfront, and there had been six people with distinctive flame-grilled stripes across their front there. By the time I finished healing them I desperately wanted a shower and a good night''s sleep, but the two uninjured folks there really appreciated the healing, not to mention the single gold coin I fished out of my purse for each of them. Apparently they''d already been to see the new High Priestess of Diana, who told them they should ''wear the marks with pride'' or some bullshit.


    Throughout the day, I only had one guy, some well dressed bastard with a butler, who wanted more than the gold coin I handed everybody. Hell, he didn''t even need healing; at a guess he''d already paid someone for it. Loki pulled a fuckin'' gold bar out of his pouch, dropped it right there on the floor, where it left a dent, and we left while rich boy was still trying to find someone who could lift the fucker. Including the six from the boat, I wound up getting a couple dozen spontaneous converts to the worship of Loki. It''s almost like if you give poor people money and medical care, they''ll appreciate it or something. I mean, I get it, I do, but I still couldn''t believe Artemis'' lackeys hadn''t even healed their own followers.


    The four of us stumbled back up South Street, vaguely headed toward the Academy, Saffron and I halfheartedly nomming another round of cheese steaks, when a heavy dude leaning against a storefront pushed himself upright, looked right past me and said, "Hello, Marie. It''s been a while."

 Day Eighty Six

    Dear Diary,


    Politeness costs more than most people think, but it''s still a pretty good investment if you can afford it.


    So yeah, there we are, walking back from a day spent healing grateful and ungrateful alike, with the kind of busy day where even I could only muster a middling appreciation of a top tier cheese steak, when some big dude stands up and says, "Hello Marie, it''s been a while."


    My first thought, that we''d just run into Marie''s ex, just boggled my mind. Like, I get that it takes all kinds, but this dude just looked, I dunno, soft? Not like bloated or anything, and while I said he''s big, I don''t mean rotund. I mean, yeah, he had a gut, but he didn''t look so much like a ''fat guy'' as one of those ''super strong man competition'' guys. You know, the ones that have a big old beer belly, but under the outer layer of blubber they''ve got twice as much muscle, none of it for show? Like, ''old tough biker dude'' big. Only without the ''old''. I mean, he had a little gray in his beard, but only a couple stripes, where most of it still had that super dark, super curly look you only expect from someplace in the Caribbean or on the Mediterranean.


    Then I heard a rustle from behind me, and turned to see Marie of all people curtsying to this dude, knees practically on the ground.


    That got my attention, and given my exhausted state irritated me a little bit. I mean, who the fuck this dude think he is to expect my Maid to kneel to him?


    Then he turned to Lyman and said, "Loki. Your Champion is the talk of my extended family."


    "Only good things, I hope?" replied Loki through his Lyman disguise.


    The big dude shook his head, "The she-bear has refused to leave her chambers on Olympus since that day."


    Loki shrugged, "I suppose she might need time to put herself back together after such a decisive loss."


    The big guy shook his head, "Her twin is distraught. He''s vowed retribution on the city who treated her so poorly."


    Loki coughed a little at that, like he couldn''t quite swallow the idea, and I felt Saffron bristling, ready to light into this guy. I opened my palm down by my side before stepping up to the guy, holding my hand out in the ''shake my hand unless you''re an utter antisocial dickwad'' position. "Hello. Tabitha Diaz. Freshman Cadet at Phileo City Heroic Academy, Champion and High Priestess of Loki. Good to meet you," I petered off, waiting for him to introduce himself.


    He at least did me the courtesy of looking at me while I spoke to him, although his gaze darted to Loki and back while I stood there, hand out, feeling like some kind of asshole, which is not the expectation I''ve got when I''m on my best behavior. Eventually, he reached out, took my hand and, gently pushing me to twist my wrist, nodded and brought my knuckles to his lips. Loki sighed, and my arm pulled back, my fist balling in preparation for a lot more energetic meeting with his lips.


    Right before I got a chance to see if his jaw had as much structural integrity as it looked like it had, a vise clamped down on my elbow. I half turned to look at Marie''s forehead, her eyes still downcast, one hand still pulling her skirt out, her knees still nearly on the ground, two fingers of one hand clamped to my elbow like a tiger shaped tire boot. She shook her head, the motion so tiny I thought I imagined it. I unclenched my fist, and she let go of my elbow.


    "You''re lucky Marie seems to like you still. That whole lip to knuckle thing is getting a little too familiar for my taste."


    "I intended no offense, Champion. Simply greeting you as a High Priestess, although I suppose you find the Champion''s role a better fit for your temperament."


    I shrugged. "I just spent the day playing High Priestess. I can walk the walk if nobody''s being a giant dick about things."


    He smiled, although even yours truly could tell it didn''t reach his eyes, "Diana seems to think differently."


    "I think I just mentioned that whole ''nobody being a giant dick'' caveat? Yeah, it goes for ''epic raging bitches'' too." I didn''t want to throw down with this guy, because Marie, but I wasn''t about to back down at this point. That''s just basic Camden; never show weakness. You roll over once, you''ll be rolling over forever.


    For his part, big dude just turned to Loki and raised an eyebrow. "Are you certain it was wise to make this one your High Priestess as well?"


    Loki smiled at him, the easy, confident smile of a con man in his element, "I''ve come to discover that wisdom is a luxury I can no longer afford."


    The big guy reached out one meaty hand toward Loki. I caught his arm before his hand quite managed to engulf Lyman''s shoulder. I heard the distinct sound of Marie growling behind me, and held my other hand out, fingers spread, as I said, "You really like this guy, I get it, Marie. I''m not gonna hurt him, he just needs to be a little less handsy."


    For his part, big guy hadn''t forced the issue; the moment my hand grabbed his forearm, he''d frozen, and he didn''t move his arm in the slightest when he looked past me to Loki and said, "She would stand between us, even now? She certainly takes her title as Champion seriously then." He shifted his gaze to me, and I caught hints of something, something I''d not seen since I''d arrived in Phileo City. I recognized it from so many people back on Philly, though, that intensity that only came out when somebody fucked around and was about to find out, or on Game Days, when all hell broke loose, win, lose, or draw. He shot me a lopsided grin and whispered, "it''s not so much that she likes me, it''s that she takes her title as seriously as you do yours."


    Eventually, if enough bunker-busting clues are dropped directly on my head, sometimes one can squeeze through the inevitable cracks. "D?"


    "Not my favored moniker, but should you prefer to avoid full names, I wouldn''t be offended by that name, since I used it first."


    "She''s not a High Priestess, is she?"


    He chuckled, "Not even a Priestess. I''d have bent her ear about cutting a swathe through the crowd in the Moon Temple had she been so."


    "I mean, you better not."


    "Excuse me?"


    "I get that you don''t want her creating problems on family game night, but I draw the line at someone going off on my friends for something they didn''t do."


    He cocked his head, his face twisting into that familiar configuration I knew and loathed, the ''really, Diaz?'' From Saffron, from Marie, even from Loki maybe, it was cute. From teachers I just kind of expected it. From this dude? Not gonna even pretend I liked it. "What? You got a problem with me defending my friend just because she''s one of yours?"


    "Defending her from me?" He shook his head, as if trying to get the words to rearrange themselves into something sane.


    For my part, I just tossed my head to get some sweaty strands of hair out of my face and said, "from anybody who tries to hurt her."


    He shook his head again, pulling back half a step. Before he spoke, Loki quietly said, "I strongly suggest that you decide now whether our meeting is to be a celebration of old comrades and new, or the initiation of strife. Before you decide, however, you need to ask yourself one very important question."


    This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    D''s eyes narrowed, his whole posture hunching slightly, the move reminiscent of a pro wrestler getting ready to grapple. "What''s that?"


    "Why am I the one holding the baby?"


    D''s eyes got real big as two foot-long bars of light crackle-hissed to life behind him, and his hands went into the air, his whole posture changing from a wrestler about to grapple to a mall Santa about to shout ''ho ho ho'' until his elf hoes showed up or some shit. Credit where it''s due, the man followed instructions pretty fuckin'' well. "We are all friends here, of course. I see we''ve simply gotten off on the wrong foot, as it were. Please, let me host a revel to celebrate our friendship, old and new alike?"


    Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Loki nodding agreement, and nodded to Saffron in turn. Her Mana Blades blinked out like they''d never been there, leaving us all in the dim luminescence of the streetlights. For his part, D just waved us into the storefront next to the one he''d been leaning against. As Saffron, Loki, and Isnomi passed him, he asked, "Diana let it be known that someone cut a swathe through her worshippers, killed her most trusted High Priestess, then had the temerity to strike at Her directly. Are you telling me Marie did none of those things?"


    I shook my head, "Nah, that was all me. She secured our exit and made sure nobody fucked with us on the way there or home, though."


    "That was all... you?" He shuddered a little. "So you''d defend my Champion from me because you owe her for her protection?"


    I shook my head again as Marie walked between us toward the door, reaching out a hand to stop her, to pull her to me, to hug her firmly to my side while I stared the big D right in the eye. "No. I defend her because she''s family."


    I smiled as her purr rumbled through me, and D''s eyes got real big, and all of a sudden his smile finally reached them. "Truly? This is wonderful, then!" He lunged forward, but I trusted the smile in his eyes, and he scooped us up into a big bear hug, the kind of thing you''d do out of the sheer joy at seeing someone, a kind of super-sized glomp. "My Maenads, they have always been my closest family. Any family of theirs is family of mine, and tonight! Tonight we do not simply dine, tonight we celebrate my reunion with my favorite daughter, sister, mother." He carried us into the door of what turned out to be an itty bitty diner, calling out, "Sef! Spread the word! Tonight, we Revel!"


    I kind of lost track of things shortly after that. Something, something, something, killing a case of bottles of ouzo just between D and I. I mean, Marie downed one, then draped herself over me like a big furry cape, and Lyman did a couple shots to be friendly. Saffron confined herself to one, both because you gotta have a designated driver, and something about nursing and not getting hammered. Because oh, yes, I got fuckin'' hammered. The only reason I''m sure I didn''t, as she put it, ''just happen'' to D, or Lyman, or some rando(s?) on the street, because the party quickly spilled out onto South Street, where everybody seemed to know and love D, is because she, as she put it, ''kept an eye'' on Marie and me.


    Honestly, I only remember a few things clearly.


    First, D pulling me aside and saying, "I love your body art. Minimalist, but so nicely done! Who is your artist?" I had no fuckin'' clue what he was talking about, so he had somebody bring me a mirror. Right there on my shoulder, where I couldn''t see it without twisting my arm around painfully or, y''know, using a mirror, which the Academy seemed to have an aversion to, somebody had fuckin'' branded me. A heart, but with a curly cat''s tail wrapping around behind it, and ''T + S'' in the middle of it. If I squinted, I could make out an ''M'' behind them, more suggestion and knowing what to look for than anything else. I knew only one person who had that much precision with the only weapon I knew could burn me like that.


    I frowned over at Saffron. "When''d you do this?"


    She just smiled at me and said, "if you weren''t so drunk, you''d remember, Goof." She leaned over toward me like she wanted a smooch, so I leaned over, only to have her lick my fuckin'' nose, then nip at it, growling, "Mine. Mine. All Mine." Still smiling like she was the drunk one though.


    "Dude, this is absolutely kickass. I want to show everybody this awesome shit."


    Everybody pretty much laughed at that point, because apparently I was like, literally the last person on South Street to see it.


    Second thing I remember, way after the moon had set, but before the sun rose, was D pulling Loki and I aside while the massive party swirled all around us, a bastion of flashing lights and white noise, and muttered, "Her brother''s been lobbing shots at Phileo from Olympus since then."


    Loki looked a little concerned, which for him was like an absolute shit fit from, like, anyone not so cool and collected as my Patron. "That might have been nice to know earlier. Have you been defending us, then?"


    D pursed his lips and shook his head, "I would, you understand. Phileo City, she is the only one in all the world who has made a place for my Maenads. Elsewhere, they live in the wilds, in the slums, on the ever unstable edges of society. But here?" He hugged Marie to him, deep affection clear from the gesture. "Here, they honor them, give them their youth to train, as they trained me." I didn''t bother to disabuse him of his kind of elevated notions about what the Maids did, but I privately vowed to start campaigning to get them maybe a little less in the way of ''Servant'' status, and more in the way of ''kept your asses whole while you were getting started, don''t forget that'' status. But D kept on talking over my private vows to myself, "but that''s the hilarious and terrifying thing. The... nobody knows what it is. Have you seen it?"


    Loki tilted his ear toward D, saying, "seen what, exactly?"


    "The... the thing! No idea what it is. Came here direct from Olympus, got close enough to see it, turned right the fuck around and took a boat. Would have been here weeks ago otherwise."


    "Ah. The thing, which you have yet to describe. Is it a furry black thing?"


    "Furry? The fuck am I to know whether it''s furry or not. I saw it." He threw his arms out to the sides, waving them around as he spoke, "big. Big. BIG. A black thing of enormous bigness. Like a dark cloud across everything from the font of the Delaware to where it meets the sea. I couldn''t even see the fuckin'' coast south of Newark, but the mountains. The mountains! The fuckin'' mountains were black, and not just on the inside. But you wanna know the hilarious part?"


    "Please, do tell, I should like to know there is something amusing about a black cloud that has seemingly claimed this entire river valley as its own on the Other Side."


    D just snickered before saying, "Aplollolloos... Fucker. Shooting when I might be downrange. Told them I was coming here to tell Marie off." At this point he waved at me, bowing his head as he did, "not gonna do it, ''cause fuck those assholes if they''re gonna shoot at family. Fuckers need to get their fucking priorities straight." Then he started laughing again. "Arrows." He could barely get the word out past the laughter. He picked up a little jar of toothpicks and led us all out to the street, then led a whole procession of partiers down to the waterfront, cackling "Arrows!" every block or so. When we finally got to the wide, dark river, he held out his hand, still filled with the pile of toothpicks, then waved his hand out over the river. "Shadow," he nodded at the river, "Arrows!" he pointed at his handful of toothpicks, then just fuckin'' yeeted the whole handful out over the river, then started laughing his ass off.


    "Where the fuck''d they go?" I slurred.


    "EXACTLY!" he hollered, and he, his followers, and I''ll admit it, I myself broke down laughing, like we thought it was the most hilarious thing we''d ever seen.


    Final thing I really remember from last night wasn''t really ''last night'' any more, when the whole fuckin'' party rolled up the steps of the Academy. Okay, most of them stayed at the base of the steps, because Rocky fuckin'' Balboa was right, those steps can be murder if you''re not in shape. Or if you''re ''I lost track of how many bottles of ouzo we killed'' drunk. Saffron, Isnomi, Marie, and I stepped through the unlocked-because-it-was-morning doors, only to find Headmaster Miles discussing something with the Guard.


    He flipped back a page on the clipboard, looked up and asked, "I take it your tasks regarding the recent Holy War took all night to complete?"


    I shook my head, "Nope. Jusht ''til after dushk."


    Some of the titanium I knew he had inside crept into his voice. "And you are arriving back at the Academy drunk and in a state of dishabille why, then?"


    Before I could answer, Marie stepped in between us. Like, stepped in between us and for once didn''t slouch, or curtsey, or do anything but push Saffron and I behind her, standing to her full height, which I don''t think I''d seen since that day in the Infirmary. Credit where it''s due, Titanium Soul Miles just stared patiently up at her while she got her words in order. She looked down at him and said, slowly and carefully, "Revel."


    He closed his eyes and sighed. "Acceptable." He scribbled something on the clipboard, then sighed and asked, "Will we be requiring more nannies some months from now?"


    I couldn''t help it, I interrupted whatever Saffron or Marie was gonna say, shaking my head and forcing words out through my laughter, "nah. Everybody there ''cept us was all about the D!"


    I might have been imagining things in my inebriated state, but I think I got a smirk out of him with that. He just shook his head and said, "you''re late to class. Get to class as quickly as possible. And Cadet Diaz?"


    "Yes, Headmaster?" I snapped to something vaguely resembling attention and snapped a salute so sloppy I felt duBois'' disapproval through four stories of stone.


    "If you insist on wearing your Holy Raiment to class today, it is your religious right to do so, but please do set your top to rights before you do."

 Day Eighty Seven

    Dear Diary,


    Important safety tip: if you are still drunk the day after, hydrate.


    Swear I''d straight up kill myself by accident if Saffron wasn''t around to mother hen me away from unintentional self destruction. By the end of the day yesterday I had zero notes taken in Basic Mana Shaping, which is gonna bite me in the ass, since just like Doc said, the first couple weeks are all vocabulary. So far the only things I remember are dexter, sinister, doesil, and widdershins. Hopefully by next week I''ll even know definitions!


    Okay, hopefully by next week if I sleep with my head close to Saffron''s some of the vocab is sure to diffuse into my brain. Nature hates a vacuum, right? Gotta happen at some point.


    Anyway, she kept handing me pitchers of water yesterday, and I kept drinking whatever she handed me. I must have downed like a dozen gallons of water between lunch and dinner. Enough that I''d have been pissing like a race horse if I didn''t have my fuckin'' oubliette of a digestive tract. Saffron asked me about that last night. Okay, what she actually said was, "where do you put it all?"


    "No idea, really. Nothing''s come out the other end since the day I got here."


    That got an unexpected reaction. Reactions, really. First she put one finger up, putting me on pause while she flopped onto the World''s Least Comfortable Chair. She got that faraway look that means Saffron''s brain is churning through more data in a few minutes than I''ve ever had between the ears. After a little bit, she shook her head. "That''s got to be at least a few tons of food by now. I really do wonder where you''re putting it all." She made a throwing away gesture, "I mean, it''s clear it''s related to your unique origin," or your other, more secret secret, beloved Mimic.


    Part of me worried that somehow someone else with access to my head might hear her thinking at me. Most of me figured I ought to just leave all the skullduggery to Saffron. After her whole ''why am I holding the baby'' trick with you know who, she clearly had more native talent than I did. I mean, yeah, I can blend in real good. Disappear into a crowd? Sure. But actually deliberately just have everybody not look at me? I mean, without pushing my Blend to the point where I''m just a hole in space? Nope. Not my thing.


    After refusing to eat one of my Cold Iron coins ''FOR SCIENCE!'', Saffron and I snuggled up. I even woke up with a relatively minor headache rather than wanting to crawl into a hole and die. After our normal routine of ogling each other dressing, feeding, changing, and juggling Isnomi while we prepped for class, and delivering the crotch goblin to Grandma Aetos for the day, we hit the Dining Hall for breakfast. Full spread today, and after devastating the food and water supplies even my mild hangover symptoms went away. Amusingly, Saffron made a serious effort to match me nom for nom. She didn''t, because even if she had the hollow everything I seemed to be rocking, shorter arms and smaller mouth meant lower food-bandwidth. When I asked as we walked to Geocultures, she just smiled at me and said, "I''m testing something."


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    Look, not only do I literally trust her with my life, I''m well aware that my poor monkey brain would short circuit long, long before I even managed to cram half of the knowhow in Saffron''s noggin into it. If I tried to understand shit even she had to Do Science to understand? Head would be all explodey, and that would likely gross Saffron out too much for canoodling or shenanigans. Terrible risk, no meaningful reward, I''d wait until she figured shit out before even asking her what she was trying to figure out.


    None of that hit the ''weirdest thing today'' meter though. That was reserved for the opening of class.


    Doc DeLeon, who''d been sitting at his desk reading some kind of scroll, stood up once everyone arrived, looked directly at Saffron, and said, "You''ll no doubt be pleased to learn that our topic today will be the City of Athens, home of some of the greatest natural philosophers throughout recorded history."


    She shrugged and said, "I suppose. I''m kind of over them though."


    Everyone, and I do mean everyone from the ROTCs seated near the two of us to the Barbie Brigade on the far side of the classroom, froze and turned to stare incredulously at my petite paramour. She calmly passed her gaze over her shocked classmates, sniffed, and said, "One cannot stand on the shoulders of giants if one is stuck washing their feet."


    Of course Lancaster muttered, "and you need someone''s shoulders to stand on, obviously."


    Saffron shook her head and said, "I grew up poor and it stunted my growth. What''s your excuse?"


    Even Rider and Rosen laughed at that one. I felt a little bad for Lancaster, of all people. I mean, yeah, he''s a huge douchecanoe, and I will absolutely give him shit about that all day long, but it''s not like he asked to be short. Of course, what came out of my mouth was, "Be nice, dear. He didn''t ask to be the runt of the litter."


    Doc DeLeon just threw his hands up in the air at that point, "really, Cadets? This has to be some kind of elaborate practical joke, right?"


    "No, Doctor," said Bill, "Lancaster is actually that short. No practical joke needed."


    "You''re shorter than I am, Driver!" barked Lancaster.


    Bill looked around at everyone before stage whispering, "really? I am? Oh, Gods! I''m shorter than Lancaster? Why didn''t anybody tell me?"


    "It''s okay, Bill," I said, my voice dripping with fake sincerity, "size isn''t everything."


    "Like you''d know anything about size," Lancaster said, thrusting his hips out suggestively, which made him look stupider than normal, what with him sitting down while doing it.


    I just shrugged and said, "I dunno, man. Marie''s got some pretty big fingers."


    The whole bantering mood slid to a screeching halt as most of the class turned to stare at me in silent disbelief. I managed to hold in my laughter as the Barbie Brigade head-tilted in unison, and then Angel just lost her shit, laughing like somebody''d fed her a whole tray of hash brownies. After about thirty seconds, she wiped at her eyes, looked at me and said, "Trust you to somehow slide a verbal fishing trawler into a wagon accident like that conversation."


    I gotta say, finding out that Athens is where most of our Spells originated? Especially finding out all the Spells in Basic and Intermediate Heroic Skills were developed in Athens over two thousand years prior? Complete letdown after that opener.

 Day Eighty Eight

    Dear Diary,


    I don''t remember ever being the ''smart kid'' in class before.


    I mean, ''smart ass''? Yeah, I''ve pretty much got that sewn up. But ''smart''? I had a couple teachers back at Eastside who told me that the whole ''smart ass'' thing was me acting out because the class bored me because the material didn''t come fast enough, but that''s just what teachers say when they want you to stop interrupting the class with ostensibly humorous stupidity, right? Wait, is this what Saffron feels like all the time? Is this what Lancaster feels like when he''s got to wait for us to learn something he already knows?


    Okay, so today started out pretty normal. Marie knocking on the door woke all three of us at the same time, and when I picked Isnomi up as I stood up, the other alternative being her potentially rolling out of the bed onto the not-presently-cushioned floor, she did the expected, loudly enough to startle herself. So I let Marie in with a frightened-crying Isnomi tucked into one arm. She fussed through me changing her, and didn''t really settle down until Saffron plonked her onto a tit, at which point she still wound up making grumbly noises while breakfasting. Some people are never satisfied.


    So we took her along to breakfast, and she amused everybody with her bread-and-eggs routine while we all filled our bellies. I swear, she''s either going to love stupidly spicy stuff or hate any spice with a passion normally only shown in haute cuisine. The funniest part is that none of us can tell which it''s gonna wind up being, including her. Fistful of eggs, nom, frown, stare at eggs, fistful of bread, nom, frown at the eggs some more, nom the eggs, rinse and repeat for however long breakfast lasted.


    The others all left while Saffron and I kept eating; for any of our mutual academic classes I pretty much follow her lead, and today''s lead was ''keep eating until the Maids kick us out''. Not long before that Lancaster and Lackeys walked past, and he snarked, "why do you Bag insist on letting a dirty infant crawl around on your dining table?"


    Without a pause Saffron quipped, "You guys over at the Dan table seem to be having so much fun we just had to try and match your overall maturity level."


    I couldn''t let that go. "Saffron. That''s not nice." When she and Lancaster looked at me like I''d grown another head, I scooped Isnomi up and said, "You''re way more mature than silly old Larry, aren''t you? Yes you are. You even know to eat bread instead of water when things are too spicy for silly boys like Larry, don''t you?"


    That got Bill, who had just taken a big mouthful of sriracha scrambled eggs, heavy on the sriracha, to snort hot sauce out his nose. Larry and the Lackeys left in the ensuing hubbub as we all looked for some way to help our nominal guy card holder to breathe without lighting his sinuses on fire. I apologized, but he just waved me off, laughing even through tears that left red stripes down his face. Eventually we pointed him in the direction of the Infirmary with Raven to keep him company, then left for class.


    I felt a little bad getting to class late after dropping Isnomi off, but Doc Roberts didn''t seem all that upset. Apparently, today we started ''Elemental Magics'', and since Doc likes teaching practical stuff before getting too deep into the theory, they''d been showing the rest of the class the basics of Mineral Bond.


    "Not complaining, but why are we learning this one first? Wouldn''t, like, being able to throw fire be a little more useful in a firefight?"


    They nodded. "While a basic Fire Bolt spell, which you''ll all hopefully be learning by the end of the year, is one of the simpler ranged offensive Spells, we''ll be studying that last. Before you ask, we''ll be studying Mineral Bonding to allow you to create targets capable of dispersing a Fire Bolt without damaging the classroom, Create Water in order to put out any accidental fires you start when you inevitably miss your targets, and Air Shield to help dry up the excess water from putting out those accidental fires."


    By the time they got to ''inevitably miss your targets'', I''d started chuckling, and when they primly talked about cleaning up after our messes, I lost it, waving a hand and saying, "got it, got it, safety first."


    A dude in the back corner of the class called out, "Doctor Roberts, no matter what I do, I can''t seem to get the Bond to take."


    They looked back and said, "It''s not surprising given your elemental affinities, Senior Cadet Lancaster, but rules are rules; you must have demonstrated success with each of the Basic and Intermediate Heroic Spells before you qualify for graduation."


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    "I thought I could get a waiver."


    They shook their head while I turned myself around enough to see a blond dude, maybe in his early twenties, sitting there with the concentric rings Doc handed out. The rest of the class pretty much had something bonded to something by now, but his just lay there completely disconnected. "I''m sorry, Lachlan, but the most the waiver could cover is you not having Mineral Bond as a Skill."


    He shook his head, and I felt bad for the dude. He had the same look on his face I felt on my own in Remedial Celtic. Not only that, but apparently this dude had to put up with Larry during family gatherings, which nobody should have to do. I raised my hand.


    "Yes, Cadet Diaz?"


    When they said my name, Lachlan low key kind of glared at me. I said, "Saffron and I have the Mineral Bond Mana Shape down, we could work with him if you want."


    "That''s very generous of you, Tabitha. Cadet Aetos, are you okay with spending your class time helping Cadet Lancaster?"


    Saffron gave me an odd look, but shrugged and said, "Sure. I''ve got Mineral Bond down as a Skill already. Between the two of us we should be able to get him at least one successful Bond."


    They looked back at Lachlan and asked, "Well, Cadet Lancaster?"


    He kept staring at me, obviously trying to see how I would fuck him over, but he nodded to Doc, scooped up his materials, and walked over to sit next to us.


    "Cadet Diaz. My brother has told me about you."


    "Only bad things, I''m sure."


    Lachlan shook his head. "Not entirely. You''re not as Bag as I thought you''d be from his descriptions."


    Saffron pulled back a little and said, "Excuse me?"


    The elder Lancaster smiled easily and said, "no offense intended, but I''m sure you know the stereotypes. Short. Dark. Vaguely filthy. Dressed in rags, no matter what they started out as. You know, Bag."


    Moving with quiet deliberation, Saffron stood up, moved around to stand directly in front of where Lachlan sat, picked his hand up and shook it as he tried to avoid staring at her tits, which were just about eye level on him. "Hello. We haven''t been properly introduced. I''m Cadet Saffron Aetos, Cadet Diaz'' wife. Also, one eighth Bag, on my mother''s side."


    Lachlan got that look I''d seen so many times on folks who just jammed their own prejudiced feet into their mouths, his eyes racing over Saffron, looking for any evidence of the things he''d just spouted. I have no idea why, but I took pity on him, leaned over closer and whispered, "This is where you apologize for making an ass of yourself."


    His mouth worked for a bit before he shook his head and said, "Well, obviously not you, Cadet Aetos."


    My darling Saffron wasn''t about to let him off the hook quite so easily. She leaned over a little, putting a hand atop his head, then pulling it back to the hollow of her neck. "Yep, short." She pulled his hand up next to her face; where his skin was nearly as pale as Marie''s, Saffron''s looked tan next to him. Light tan, but still tan. "Dark, or darker than a ''purebred'' Dan Lancaster at any rate." At this point she set his hand back next to his working materials and finished up with, "before I earned my place at the Academy, we didn''t have the money to afford baths more than once a month, and we had to use discarded cloth to sew our own clothes. So I''ve definitely been filthy and dressed in rags at one point in my life. But do you know what I''ve never done?"


    Unlike his brother, Lachlan had the grace to at least fake being embarrassed, and he replied, "No?"


    She gathered my materials and her own, then set them in front of our new pupil. "I''ve never judged someone based on their family, or their race, or their wealth, or lack thereof. Now, would you like us to help you check off this little box on your graduation requirement list, or would you prefer to continue working alone?"


    Lancaster the elder stood up, shoving his chair back noisily, and the whole class went quiet, staring at the poster-boy looming over my tiny wife. His gaze locked on hers, he pulled one leg back and bowed, making a whole production of it, rivalling even some of Loki''s elaborate gestures.


    After offending my Champion''s wife, he''d better.


    "I beg your pardon, Cadet Aetos. I did not intend to offend you, and I would be honored if one of the Academy''s rising stars would deign to assist me with my own studies."


    I gotta say, he''s at least got better social skills than his little brother. Then again, he certainly doesn''t have a dose of little man''s syndrome stacking with his inherent Lancasterness. I still caught the fact that he never admitted to doing or saying anything wrong. But I''d made the offer, so for the rest of the day after that, we worked with him trying to get even one pair of circles Bonded.


    Turns out it wasn''t Saffron''s genius he needed. Just my own brute strength, Manawise. Despite his, and I quote Doc here, ''appallingly poor aptitude for Earth magic'', when I dumped nearly enough Mana into him via Stabilize to make his eyes glow, and he then used every bit of Mana at his disposal to Shape the Spell, he managed to bond about an eighth of the edge of the innermost circle to the inner edge of the slightly bigger ring around it. While that''s not enough to check that graduation requirement, it''s apparently more than he''d ever done previously.


    So now Saffron and I have a third ''lab partner'' in Intermediate Heroics, at least until he manages to Mineral Bond an entire ''target''; three concentric rings with a circle in the middle.


    At some point I really need to find a way for Saffron''s brain to override my mouth.

 Day Eighty Nine

    Dear Diary,


    It''s really weird going from a class where I got bumped up a year and wound up helping a Senior Cadet to a Remedial class that I''m taking for the second time.


    So this morning I woke up to Saffron sitting on the bed, leaning against the wall, half asleep while Isnomi had breakfast. Little rugrat apparently didn''t want to eat lying down, according to Saff. Once she finished, Saffron kinda collapsed back onto the bed, and I put Isnomi on the floor so I could get dressed.


    Then picked her back up, because a moment after I lifted her, before I managed to quite set her down, she noisily filled her diaper.


    Why? Why do kids in diapers give me shit?


    At any rate I got her cleaned up and changed, then rolled Saffron over and plonked Isnomi down between Saffron and the wall while I got dressed. By the time I finished, she''d crawled over to Saffron and leaned against her, arms out in the ''pick me up'' gesture.


    "Aw, you know you''re cute, don''t you? And you just emptied yourself out, so I can safely pick you up now without getting a load of shit for my troubles, can''t I?"


    She replied with "Ma! Ma! Ma!" and that just melted away all my annoyance at her enstankifying my life.


    But when I bent down to pick her up, she batted my hands away and grabbed at my arms. When I knelt next to the bed and leaned in toward her, she grabbed my collar with her pudgy little baby hands and spent like five minutes fiddling with it before patting my lapels, then leaning in and kissing me on the cheek. Wet, sloppy baby kiss, and I''m pretty sure she left me looking like an eighties reject with my collar in no way looking the way I thought it should.


    Of course when I caught Saffron smiling at me, she reached out, sleepily saying, "C''mere. I''ll fix it."


    I pulled away, doing my best ''shocked at the suggestion'' voice. "After our daughter has gone to all that trouble to get it just so? Never!" She grabbed my collar and pulled me down for a much less wet, far sloppier kiss, as Isnomi laughed and clapped her hands. When she finally let me go, I said, "Do you want me to get Marie to bring some food up?"


    She shook her head. "I''ll be down once I''m dressed. Go ahead and take her and head down if you like."


    I shrugged. "I mean, I want me some breakfast, but I''m not gonna miss this view for all the spicy eggs in the world." I picked Isnomi up, sat down on the edge of the bed, and sat her down in my lap. Saffron rolled her eyes at me and got up, turning the lights on before stepping to the armoire and putting her uniform on. "Wait, don''t you have today off? Why the uniform?"


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    She smiled at me, "I have Independent Study today, and while I''ll be keeping Isnomi with me, I do have to work with a couple instructors for a bit this morning."


    "What about this afternoon?"


    She grinned at me, "Oh, I''ve got plans for this afternoon, don''t you worry."


    I''d never been simultaneously turned on and low key terrified by someone as often as I''d been by Saffron. When you consider the third adult in our little family, that''s really saying something.


    So we all got down to breakfast about halfway through, and the others at the table took turns tossing little wads of bread to Isnomi as she crawled around the table taste testing stuff. Apparently her favorite is the sausages, although she doesn''t so much ''eat'' them as nom at one end until the casing splits, then suck the contents out. Part of me worried about the random stuff they throw into sausages, but then for her next trick she grabbed a baby-fistful of jalapeno scrapple and proceeded to nom it. If she ate scrapple without complaint, no way would sausage filling bother her.


    I got to Remedial Celtic on time, then spent the day working with Lyman to memorize common words. I figured I had about a twenty word written Celtic vocabulary at this point. At this rate I only needed another hundred semesters of this to get to the point where I could sound fluent when writing a letter.


    "Why in the name of God am I so stupid?"


    Loki tilted his head and pitched his voice too low for Sister Cheryl. "I have nothing to do with any stupidity you perceive in yourself. Also, while you have troubles concentrating, you certainly don''t seem stupid to me. Unwise? Perhaps. Insane? Probably. Stubborn? Definitely. But stupid? I would hardly have a stupid woman for my Champion."


    "Then why am I having such trouble learning something as simple as writing a language I already speak?"


    Loki in his Lyman disguise froze, staring at me with his mouth half open for a moment before standing, pulling me to my feet with a gentle hand on my elbow. "Sister Cheryl?"


    "Yes, Assistant Instructor Lyman?"


    "May I take Cadet Diaz on a quick walk? I think I''ve got an idea how to help her with her written Celtic."


    She stared at us for a bit, clearly trying to figure out exactly what Lyman intended, before waving a hand and saying, "Go ahead, but if it doesn''t work I expect you back here after lunch to make up her class time."


    "Thank you, Sister," Lyman said with a short bow. He then pulled me out of the classroom and, eventually, down to my Dorm room.


    "How is it that you can walk through the Filtration Ward without a problem?" I asked as we approached my room.


    He just grinned at me and said, "For shame, asking me what''s in my pants when you know I''m happily married."


    When we got to my room he knocked, then scooted through the door with me when Saffron answered, one arm full of Isnomi.


    "What are you doing home so early, love?"


    "No idea. Ask him." I waved a hand at Loki.


    For his part, he looked at Saffron and said, "if you would be so kind as to teach this one some written Celtic?"


    Saffron looked back and forth between us and said, "of course I''ll try, but why me, and why now?"


    "Now, because this is her time dedicated to learning written Celtic. You, because she trusts you rather more than me, I think." He turned to me and nodded. "I do hope at some point you come to a point where you don''t feel the need to keep secrets from me, but for now, I''ll ensure you two your privacy, at least until dinner tonight. Good luck, and turn off your Blend." With that he disappeared.


    I really don''t know which is the worst part of the whole deal. That my best Skill is what''s been keeping me from learning written Celtic, that Loki realized it before Saffron or I did, or that I doubled my written vocabulary in one afternoon.

 Day Ninety

    Dear Diary,


    Today was calm compared to my last few weekends.


    Marie woke all three of us knocking on the door. Saffron settled Isnomi, who didn''t appreciate being woken up and expressed her displeasure vocally until Saffron gave in and fed her while I got the door. We took our normal turns getting dressed, then dropped the crotch goblin off with Grandma before breakfast. The rest of the table actually complained about us arriving without her. I guess we know who they''re there to see. Still, what with us needing to bolt the moment the Barbie Brigade stood up, I thought we''d made the right choice.


    When we all got into formation, duBois called Bill up to demonstrate basic marching stuff. You know, left face, right face, about face, that kind of thing. We then spent at least an hour marching in circles around the Practice Yard. Well, rectangles, I guess, since we mostly marched centered on the ''inner track''. After that he called us back together, sat everyone except Rider and Rosen in a circle, and had them demonstrate the foot movements for right face, left face, and about face. He didn''t call anybody out for screwing them up, but given the difficulties we had on corners, I kinda got why he did it.


    Then we all marched for another hour, this time a lot more smoothly. He had us narrow the formation down to a single paver wide, and the folks who''d been complaining about having to learn how to ''turn left'' finally got a clue, since instead of tripping each other up we managed to keep moving more or less in unison. I mean, with Saffron and Rosen in the same formation, we had a bit of jank going on anyhow, but duBois has us focused on staying in formation, not taking exactly the same number of steps as everyone else, so we managed.


    After our second hour of walking around in circles, Lancaster the Lesser called out, "What''s this kind of thing good for, anyhow?" Okay, he more ''grumbled loudly'' than ''called out'', since apparently even he can learn, but duBois jumped on it anyhow.


    "Excellent question, Cadet Lancaster. Rider! Rosen! Morson! MacConno! South shed, shields and spears for your squads!" While those four dashed off for the shed, duBois called us around, "I''m sure you all have wondered at some point why we don''t issue swords to our levies. Anybody want to take a guess why?"


    I raised my hand. I didn''t really know why, but I had a guess, as Lancasterlike as it seemed when the Marshall pointed to me and I said it out loud. "Spears are cheaper, sir?"


    That got a half-grin out of him, and he asked, "So you think we''re going to go cheap because they''re levies, Cadet?"


    "No, sir. But most people just don''t have a reason to keep and maintain a formation fighting weapon, and since we''ve got... uh... how many Heroes again?"


    Lancaster couldn''t resist chiming in. "Moron."


    DuBois being duBois, he didn''t miss that. "So, how many Heroes do we have, Cadet Lancaster?"


    "By Law and Custom, Phileo City limits itself to five hundred Heroes, although there are usually around five hundred Cadets in training as well, and Cadets have been called on to lead platoons in emergencies." By the look on his face and tone of his voice, I thought he must be quoting something. Probably that damn Law book. I studied it when I got bored, but I''d already gone through all of the more-or-less sane portions, which meant anything new took me a while to plow through.


    "Correct, Cadet Lancaster. Now Cadet Diaz, you were saying about spears?"


    By this point the four sent for equipment had returned, so I wrapped up my guess with, "even with small platoons, you''re looking at twenty thousand troops who all need a weapon, some kind of armor, and I''m guessing a shield? If you issued swords, that''s a shit ton of metal. Spears are mostly wood. Hell, you can make the entire thing out of wood. I think it''s the same with shields, maybe?"


    DuBois nodded, "there are other reasons, but logistics is one of the big ones. Anyone else have an idea?"


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    Lancaster''s hand shot up, and when duBois nodded to him he said, "training someone to use a sword can take years, but a spear is simple enough even a peasant can use it."


    It always amazed me how even when he''s right, Lancaster can still sound like an ignorant dick. DuBois nodded, but said, "there''s more to spear-handling than you might realize, but when it comes to getting someone trained enough to be an asset rather than a liability on a battlefield, it''s easier to bring a levy up to speed on a spear than a sword. Now, each of you grab a spear and shield, then get back in formation."


    Once we''d all armed ourselves and made it back to formation, duBois moved around us, moving the four tallest into the middle before setting us to march around in circles for another hour or so. Right away we could tell who''d paid attention during the first half of the morning. Oddly enough, while Lancaster had, Bill hadn''t. He wound up nearly stabbing me and actually backhanding Saffron by accident on our second turn. After the third turn, I met Lancaster''s gaze and saw his frustration mirroring my own. I called out, "Marshall, can we review the basics again, sir?"


    DuBois called us to a halt and pulled Bill and three others out of formation, shuffling the rest of us around until we made a smaller three by four unit. "You four, front and center. The rest of you, laps until I get these four straightened out."


    So we marched. DuBois worked with the four he''d pulled out until the sun stood high in the sky, almost directly behind the juncture of the ley lines above us. He called us to a halt, slotted the four back in their places, and had us do two more laps, the first at our normal march, the second double timing it around the Practice Yard perimeter. Finally he had us each put our equipment back in the South Shed before dismissing us to lunch.


    Only one thing stood out during the afternoon. DuBois had us marching without spears this time, each of us carrying one of the crappy metal training swords instead. Before we''d finished two laps, I realized yet another advantage spears had. If you''re just carrying a spear while marching, you can choke up and hold it at its center of mass. So long as you don''t let it get horizontal, it''s a lot easier to carry than a sword. At least, it''s a lot easier than the crappy poorly balanced hunks of metal from the training equipment sheds.


    At any rate, about halfway through the afternoon he showed us how to make a shield wall. I''d read about those, seen videos of them back at Eastside when goofing around trying to avoid doing real work, but I''d never been part of one. On the one hand, it required us to bunch up closer than even a single paver width, and once the tall guys in the middle got their shields in place, the air inside got hot pretty quick, and stank even quicker. We practiced getting into a shield wall, getting back to marching formation, and how to turn the formation to change the shield wall''s facing without killing ourselves.


    Bruised ourselves a lot, but there''s only so much damage you can do in a confined space with a hunk of dull metal with no real point on the end.


    Right as the bottom edge of the sun hit the walls around the Practice Field, duBois called out, "swords down, shields up!" and without thinking about it I''d dropped to a knee, dropping my sword and using that hand to brace the shield in front of me. The moment after Rider and Rosen''s shields slid into place above me, something crashed into our wall. I wound up sliding backward on my knee for about half a pace, and the shields bowed for a second as Rider and Rosen both stumbled back about the same distance, but... we held.


    "Good wall, Cadets!" shouted duBois, then followed that with, "put the equipment away and get back in formation."


    Once he had us back in the middle of the field, duBois said, "so, do any of you think you lot could stop me on a battlefield?" That got a general round of muttered ''no''s, to which duBois said, "I can''t hear you!"


    "Sir, no Sir!" we all shouted.


    "And yet just now, with only an afternoon of training, you managed to stop my charge cold, more or less. Now do you begin to see why we train our levies this way?"


    "Sir, yes Sir!" we all shouted.


    Except Lancaster, of course, who called out, "But you weren''t armed!"


    DuBois nodded and replied, "I wasn''t, and that would make a difference on a battlefield. At the same time, none of you were armed either, and if you''d all had spears, I couldn''t do that shoulder charge without pincushioning myself either, but I decided that today is not an Infirmary day for any of us." With that he looked us over; we all stood there, sweaty and tired from carting equipment around all day. Eventually he finished his visual review of us and dismissed us to dinner.


    Steaks today, along with some ground beef that wasn''t entirely unlike chili. Had some heat to it, at any rate. Saffron and I had picked up Isnomi on the way down to dinner, and the rug rat decided that chili wasn''t her thing after the first handful squished out of her chubby little fist. She nommed the bread and some carrot slices out of a big tureen full of mixed vegetables.


    Whatever she thought of the food, she got enough inside her that she fell asleep while I carried her back, and didn''t wake up while I changed her.


    Saffron and I both fell asleep almost immediately after that.


    Almost.

 Day Ninety One

    Dear Diary,


    Apparently when properly motivated, even yours truly can plan things like a mature adult person. Really.


    So this morning started pretty normally, although Marie''s delivery surprised me by containing The Dress. Apparently she''d secreted it away some time after I wore it for two days straight. I mean, it''s silk, and it''s not like I''m gonna get overheated with the amount of bare skin I''m showing, but I still worked up a sweat pouring Mana into people to fix what I''d broken. I still swear Marie must have some kind of Laundromancy, because The Dress and its accompanying boots came back looking like they''d never been worn. Then again, I''m pretty sure she normally gets stuff back to me in less than five days, so it might have required some kind of big ritual to get the Laundromancy work or something. Before she got away, I leaned in and said, "Bath tonight?" She smiled, nodded, and went about her day of Marie things.


    I dropped Isnomi off with Grandma after she had her breakfast. Isnomi''s breakfast, that is, I''ve got no idea when Grandma eats. Since it seems like she covers both the night shift and the early morning shift in the Infirmary, I expect she''s probably got a weird eating schedule too, but I''d never seen any of the Maids or other staff eating. I needed to ask her or maybe Marie about that at some point, but for now I just had a nice little chat with her before heading down and meeting Saffron and the ROTC crew in the Dining Hall.


    When we got up to the Practice Yard and in formation, duBois called out, "this morning we''ll be practicing your archery. I''ll expect each of you to pick a bow based on your experiences last week. Before you do, though, a few notes. The highest quality man portable ballistae hit the hardest of any of the weapons you trained with, but they are both cumbersome to aim, have the slowest rate of fire, and take the longest time to go from fully broken down to fully ready to fire. The long bows are the best combination of rate of fire and damage on impact, and the best weapon for long range, plunging, or indirect fire, but they''re the hardest to string and almost as cumbersome to carry as a man portable ballista. Honestly, if you''ve got the Strength to heft a ballista without worrying about the weight, I personally find long bows more cumbersome, since its possible to break a ballista down into its component parts and pack them, whereas our longbows don''t really compress for travel. Shortbows are the least cumbersome, with the highest rate of fire, but have less stopping power than either of the others. Any questions?"


    After last week, pretty much everybody had their choice made, although I suspect one or two might have been swayed by duBois'' last minute review. Thinking about last week though, I raised my hand. When he nodded to me I asked, "could you help some of us less familiar with bows choose the right size?"


    He smiled at me, "not a bad thought, Diaz. Okay, Cadets. Go get your target dummies, choose your bows, and find your ammunition. Bring your choices past me before you set up, and above all, nobody start shooting until I tell you to."


    "Sir, yes sir!" we all called out as we ran for the sheds. I took my time. I''d never really been the kind of person to carry a gun. I had nothing against them, but when I wanted to hurt somebody, I wanted to get my hands on them. But since graduation meant using a bow, I needed to make with the shooty. The north shed, the first one I got to, held the ballistae; I called for Bill and Saffron, then headed to the west shed. The ballistae just looked ugly to me, in that ''don''t want to put my hands on them'' kind of way. The longbows lay there on racks, strings and quivers of ammunition shelved beneath the bows themselves. I walked down the row, trying them out, but none of them felt right. I wandered to the east shed, where I''d seen a couple Cadets coming out with short bows, and walked down the rack there. About two thirds of the way down I found an oddly shaped bow, a little curvier than the others when unstrung. When I picked it up, the weight and balance just felt right. I scooped up the strings, looped all but one on a loop on my pants, then scooped up the quiver and hooked it on the other side. Without thinking about what I was doing, I looped one end of the string around the upper end of the bow, flipped it around and looped the other end through the notches, then flipped it again, stepped one leg through the gap between the bow and string, hooked the strung end around the front of my ankle and pushed the top. It took a little focused effort, but eventually the top end of the string slipped into place.


    Bow in hand, I walked to the south shed to pick up my target dummy. As I did I saw Angel running back toward duBois with an unstrung bow in hand. He nodded, then walked her through what I''d done with my little bow. When I said ''little'', I kinda meant it; I could hide the whole thing behind my back after I''d strung it. I sauntered up to duBois just as Angel got her bow strung.


    "Is this one an okay size for me?" I held it out toward him, and he glanced at me, then at it.


    He smiled a little and said, "It''s a little smaller than I expected you to take, but that''s not always a bad thing. Have you tried to draw it yet?"


    "No, sir." I shrugged and added, "it just felt right, sir."


    "Well, it''s not so small it''d be ridiculous for you to use." He held out one hand, and I handed the bow over. He drew it. I''d say ''drew it easily'', but I could see how his shoulders flexed when he pulled it. "Well strung." He released the tension slowly, then unstrung it and handed it back to me.


    I chuckled a little, then went through the same routine I''d done in the shed. He nodded at my technique, although with everybody watching it felt harder to string it. In the shed it had just been some focused effort; standing out in the middle of the Yard it felt more like it took everything I had just to get it strung. After struggling a bit, I got it restrung. "Anything else, sir?"


    He shook his head and waved me off to the side of the Yard where some target dummies already stood. "Set your target up and get to the line."


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    "Yes sir!" I dashed off to set my dummy up, glancing behind me to see Lancaster being sent back to the longbow shed, but only after duBois very carefully motioned how long the bow should be. I almost felt bad for him after meeting his brother; as I walked back to the firing line, I thought about what it must be like having a big brother who you knew would always be that much bigger than you. I mean, for me it''s a little abstract. I might be tall for a woman here and now, but that still put me as shorter than most of the guys except Bill and Larry.


    I shook my head as I stepped to my chosen firing spot. Me feeling bad for Larry Lancaster. God only knows what I''d start thinking about next.


    Do I detect a budding romance with your rival?


    I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.


    Guess not then.


    While I waited for Larry to get back with his bow I practiced drawing the bowstring; no arrow, just getting a feel for how hard it would be to draw.


    It took less to draw than it did to string, but not by a whole fuckin'' lot, and I couldn''t exactly use my legs to help me draw it.


    Okay, maybe I could, but despite all the evidence to the contrary, I have a brain and use it occasionally. Being a natural with a bow was one thing, making stupid trick shots out of action movies was something else. I mean, yeah, I blend, and I Blend, but I didn''t want to make it any harder than it had to be for my built in ''somebody else''s problem'' field to do its thing.


    Once I''d tested the bow, I slung it over my shoulder and headed over to help Saffron and Bill get their ballistae set up. Apparently they had a whole gearbox thing to add more torsion to the ropes, and as duBois showed us last week, once you got the string hooked, you could turn that crank to add some more oomph to the shot, with the gears adding a whole lot more mechanical advantage than the goats foot. As I finished helping Bill get his set up, I wondered aloud, "why ballistae instead of crossbows?"


    Saffron''s head snapped up at that, and Bill said, "Crossbow?"


    As noted, I can take a hint when it''s delivered to my forehead with a hammer. I shrugged and said, "just something I read about once. Might have been something made up for the story."


    I swear, once in a while it gets really weird what they''ve got here and what they don''t.


    When Larry finally got a longbow of a reasonable size and was ready to shoot, duBois positioned himself behind us and called out that the range was in use, then told us to start shooting. Unlike last week, when I''d been firing as quick as I could, I took my time, pretending my target had armor on. Every one of my shots landed where I wanted them to, although two of the ones that hit the armpits punched through and hit the wall behind the dummy. The ones in what I thought of as the ''eye slit line'' stuck well, although they nearly knocked the dummy over and turned it slightly skew, making my subsequent shots a little harder. The rest I punched into the thighs, right about where armor had to have a gap for leg articulation. I didn''t know if those shots would have gone through whatever they armored joints with, but I figured if a guy in a bullet proof jacket can get broken ribs from getting shot, me nailing some guy in the codpiece might at least pucker his asshole a little bit.


    We spent the morning like that; take a dozen shots, wait for everyone to be done, jog over to collect our ammunition, jog back. By lunch I''d broken three of mine. When we got back from lunch, somebody''d actually put armor and shields on the dummies. DuBois had us change lanes every cycle after that, because while most of the dummies had leather with metal reinforcement, a couple had armor made out of itty bitty metal rings, and one had what looked like honest to god plate armor. I learned then that my arrows wouldn''t punch through that plate, but they would go through armor to about half their length; enough that anybody in that armor would be wanting to have a sit down if I shot them in the thighs or crotch, and would be visiting the God of their choice if I hit them in the head. Especially if I hit them in the eye, which I could do like once every two tries. I mean, I could reliably hit within about two inches of the pupil when I aimed for it, but by the end of the day I realized that some of the arrows weren''t quite as straight or well fletched as the others. Some of that might have been me putting them through the dummy and into the wall in the morning.


    Of course, on that count, Saffron won the ''get everybody''s fucking attention'' when she had her turn at the plate armor. She cranked that torsion crank until she couldn''t get it to turn a single extra notch, then took a knee, lined up her shot, and straight up knocked the head off the dummy. Snapped its wooden neck clean at the base, sent the helmet flying back into the wall, where it bounced off and slammed into the back of one of the leather armored dummies, knocking it over from behind.


    Luckily that happened during the last round of the day, and Saffron spent her remaining bolts ringing the armor''s codpiece like a bell. I kept myself from laughing too hard at how every guy in the Yard winced when that distinctive bell sound rang through the yard, but when her final bolt hit just right and crunched into the armor, I couldn''t take it any more and almost dropped my bow laughing.


    Almost. I liked this one enough to kinda hide it behind the others when we put the equipment away at the end of the day.


    When we got to the Dining Hall, I scooped Saffron up onto my shoulders and paraded her around the table, proclaiming her ''slayer of dummy-kun'' as I did so. I swear I know nothing about someone who looked remarkably like me shooting a look at the Barbie Brigade table every time the ROTC table shouted ''dummy-kun''. I do, however, take full responsibility for scooping Saffron up as dinner drew to a close. When she squeaked and giggled in a weak protest, I said, "but I must carry you off to your well deserved reward, my hero!" Everybody at the table started laughing, even Raven, who normally refused to do more than tight-lipped smiles. I leaned back and stage whispered to her, "I hope my virtue is a reward worthy of such an act of heroism!" I''d kind of hoped I''d get her to laugh a bit more, but instead she got this really evil look in her eye and pulled out her sketchbook. I retreated, Saffron in my arms, carrying her all the way to our room. When we turned into our central corridor instead of heading to the Infirmary, Saffron looked at me archly and said, "aren''t you forgetting someone?"


    I leaned in to whisper into her ear, "Grandma Aetos has Isnomi for the night. Isn''t that right, Marie?"


    Saffron''s head whipped around so she could see Marie standing in front of our door, tub on her cart, streamers of steam escaping from the two big kettles inside the tub. She then looked back at me and said, "I''ll bet you think you''re clever, don''t you?"


    "I have my moments."


    Moments were indeed had. Of course, in the morning I wound up really glad Isnomi had gone with Grandma for the night. I mean, I still think she''s too young to form proper memories, but I could be wrong, and even if she can''t, I''d have been really embarrassed if I had to tell Raven that Isnomi had nommed the hentai masterpiece she''d managed to shove under our door.

 Day Ninety Two

    Dear Diary,


    Today wound up being a little more involved than I thought, but only because Saffron must be rubbing off on me, making me use the gray goo between my ears.


    Woke up this morning with Saffron snuggled between Marie and I, all of us in a bit of a tangled warm pile on the bed. I watched both of them sleep for a bit, luxuriating in the sensations; the warmth of Saffron''s skin against my chest and Marie''s fur against my limbs, the sound of Marie''s gentle purr and Saffron''s quiet snoring, the smells of both of them, from the faint scent of the sea almost overwhelmed by Marie''s fur, the faint musky smell of Saffron''s sweat, even my own pumpkin spice sweat echoed back at me from both of them where we''d wound up getting sweaty after Marie cleaned us all up.


    As I lay there, I remembered something I''d thought about the day before, and pinged my Patron.


    Yes, Tabitha?


    Do you mind if we start a little late today? I asked. I want to see the maintenance guys here about something I want to see if they can make.


    Are you certain you wouldn''t prefer to speak with the Smith about it? If it can be made, he can make it.


    Since what I''m thinking about is a weapon, absolutely not.


    Fair point. Contact me when you are ready to leave.


    When he asked me about the Smith, I''d shaken my head, and Marie''s eyes popped open, her nose flaring just the slightest bit. "Marie, can you introduce me to the guys who make the practice weapons today?"


    She nodded, then oozed out of bed with that catlike fluidity she showed whenever she let her guard down. I carefully levered myself over Saffron without jostling her, dressing beside Marie as she did the same. As I finished, Saffron startled me by asking, "Can you see in the dark as well, Marie?"


    "Warmth."


    "You can see heat?" She nodded, and I followed up with a slightly envious, "That''s so cool. I wish I had thermal vision. That and an invisibility spell and I could go all Predator on bad guys. Okay, I''d probably want his plasma gun too."


    Saffron just let out a chuckling sigh. "You realize both of us can see in the dark, right?"


    "Yeah, but think about how cool it would be to be able to tell the difference between, y''know, a person and a chair, because the person''s warm."


    Saffron facepalmed, then looked at Marie, "She''s going to Just Happen to the furniture at some point, isn''t she?"


    Before I got my mouth open to defend myself, Marie deadpanned, "Yes." I couldn''t help it, I broke down laughing, pulling Marie into a hug once I got my jacket buttons done.


    Saffron got up and sauntered over to the two of us, feigning alarm as she said, "Look out, Marie! She might try to sit on you when she confuses you for a chair!"


    "Oh, hush, you. Get dressed. We''ve got a busy day ahead of us."


    "Yes, ma''am!" she spoiled her already sloppy salute by giggling at me as she walked over to the armoire.


    While she got dressed in a set of half decent civvy clothes, I surrendered to Marie''s ministrations as she fixed my various sartorial screwups. By the time Saffron got herself ready to go I was too. We all headed to the back steps, following Marie''s lead as she went down all the way to the basement, then guided us to the section of the basement under the Men''s dormitory. Oddly enough, the Filtration Ward didn''t extend this far. At least the ones protecting the Men from being ravaged by the inhabitants of the Ladies'' dorm didn''t extend this far. As we stepped through a doorway into an obvious workroom, forge heat engulfed me.


    Saffron said, "A Filtration Ward set to keep the heat in. Interesting."


    "Why don''t they just put it on the furnace?"


    She shook her head. "Because then the heat would be stripped off of whatever they put in the forge to heat it."


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    "So why didn''t we get frozen when we stepped in?"


    Saffron blinked at that, then stared at the doorway a bit before saying, "interesting. It doesn''t filter heat in living things."


    "Cool. I''d hate to freeze when I stepped out. So why don''t they just put the Ward around the forge and set it to not filter heat in non-living things?"


    She turned from the door slowly, then just shook her head while looking at me. "Just when you''ve got me convinced that you really are as idiotic as you claim, you come along and drop an insight like that."


    I just chuckled and looked at Marie. "Who here is best with, like, good steel. The kind of things in the ballista gearboxes?"


    Marie nodded to a guy wearing a smith''s apron over a jumpsuit, simply saying, "Jon." The guy looked over at us, and Marie nodded to me. He hefted the hunk of metal he''d been working on back into the forge to heat, then walked over to us.


    "What did you need, Miss?" His words might have been respectful, but by his tone he clearly wondered why we''d interrupted his busy day.


    I looked at him and said, "Can you make a bow out of steel? Like straight up steel grip, limbs, and string?"


    Credit where it''s due, he thought about it a second before asking, "steel string?"


    "I mean, like, braided steel wires. Those would be stronger than a straight up wire, right?"


    He thought about it a little more, then asked, "who could draw that? You?"


    I smiled and shook my head, then pointed to Saffron. "Her."


    She looked at me and said, "and now we''re back to the idiocy."


    "Oh ye of little faith." I turned back to Jon and said, "Okay, you know the, uh, ''stock'' part of the personal ballistae?" At his nod I said, "Okay, so make one of those out of steel as well, then attach the steel bow to it, and make a crank like you''ve got for the torsion ropes on the ballistae, and use that to draw it?"


    He stared at me, a spark of mixed shock and curiosity lighting in his eyes. Before he could reply, Saffron said, "that''s what you meant. Crossbow."


    I nodded, and he shrugged and said, "maybe?"


    I turned to Saffron and asked, "can you stay here and help work out how it ought to work? I''m kind of guessing on how it''s supposed to work, but if you can kinda see what I''m getting at?"


    "Oh, yes." A grin crept onto her face, an evil twin to her panty-obliterating one, but with a lot more of Marie''s predatory nature to it. She turned to Jon and asked, "if I stay here and help you out while you work on it, can you show me how to make it?"


    Jon looked a little frantic, but when he looked at Marie and she nodded to him, he shrugged and said, "I can, miss."


    "Great! I''ve got to go do Devotional stuff today; will you be okay, Saffron?"


    I''m not sure, she thought at me, does this count as an act of Devotion?


    I grinned and thought back, absolutely.


    "Sure. Can you take care of Isnomi for me today? It''s not really a baby-safe area down here."


    I froze, my mouth hanging open. "Uh..." Boss? Can Isnomi tag along today?


    Sigyn says she would love to meet your goddaughter, but what of the serpent?


    I''m sure I can convince him to behave himself.


    So be it. Are you ready?


    I shook my head, I need to get changed.


    Call me when you are prepared.


    I gave Saffron a quick peck on the cheek, said, "thanks, Marie!" and gave her a quick hug before heading out. After a quick change and a visit to the Infirmary to collect Isnomi, change her, and grab some spare diapers and cloths, I thought, ready, Boss, and reached out a hand. An invisible hand grasped mine, I stepped through the Infirmary door, and stood in Loki''s cavern. Before I did anything else beyond saying, "hello, Loki! Hello, Sigyn!", I walked over to Mister Slither and cleared my throat. He slid down off of the roof of the cave, eyeing Isnomi where she rode on my right hip as he did. I slid a Mana Blade the size of my arm out of the back of my left wrist and said, "this is my daughter Isnomi. If any harm comes to her in this cave, I will see how many interesting ways I can kill you and Revive you." I had his attention, but he looked less than terrified of that option. "I''m thinking I''ll start out with a kind of reverse ouroboros, where I see how far I can jam your head up your cloaca before you suffocate. Hell, that''s an idea, I''ll do that, Mineral bond your head inside your own ass, and then keep reviving you until I get bored and cut a hole for you to breathe out of. Sound good to you?"


    Not only did Mister Slither wander off to the far end of the room alone, Loki choked out, "are you sure you''re not related to the Smith somehow?"


    I shrugged as Sigyn said, "oh, hush, you," then set her bowl down in a corner, got a huge goofy smile on her face and reached out to me, asking, "may I hold her?"


    Isnomi wound up being the focus of all three of us for the rest of the day. I even cut the rocks anchoring Loki''s arms to the floor out of the floor with my big ''ol Mana Blade, letting him sit up, whereupon Isnomi decided he was the best jungle gym ever, clambering around him and nearly scaring all of us to death when she leapt from his shoulder toward Sigyn. Before I left, I Mineral Bonded Loki''s arm anchors back to the floor, with maybe an inch more leeway than they''d had before.


    As I packed up Isnomi''s dirty diapers and cloths, nodding to Mister Slither to resume his post after I left, I heard Sigyn murmur the weirdest thing to Loki.


    "That is the oddest thing I''ve ever done in the pursuit of Victory."


    I grabbed Loki''s invisible hand, stepped forward, and stepped back into our room, where Saffron waited with a really cranky look on her face, one that mostly disappeared when I handed Isnomi over and she started feeding her.


    Apparently she''d gotten distracted and didn''t pump while I had Isnomi. On the other hand, another drawing hung on the wall next to our wedding picture; a sketch of something clearly not a ballista despite superficial resemblances. While soot and charcoal covered Saffron''s hands up to the elbows, she smiled that same dangerous grin when she saw me looking at the picture. "Jon says it should be ready by next Sunday."

 Day Ninety Three

    Dear Diary,


    So apparently the whole ''more book learning in Basic Mana Shaping'' is a massive understatement. Also, it''s a little weird being in a class with kids who just started at PCHA a couple weeks ago. Still, about the only thing that stuck today were the names of the four ''schools'' of magic; Mana Shaping or ''spells'', Elementalism, Summoning, and Alchemy. Couldn''t tell you exactly where one starts and the next left off today, though, because my morning with Saffron ran through my head all day, eclipsing everything else.


    I woke up just in time to see Isnomi finish crawling over my hip and somersault headfirst toward the floor. Between her being smaller than I''d realized, which meant her head hit the mattress before she continued tumbling toward the stone floor, and my adrenaline fueled panic as I grabbed at her, she didn''t wind up trying to headbutt the floor, but she let out a yell of pain as her weight came down badly on her arm. As Saffron bolted upright, I scooped Isnomi up and whomped her with a solid Treat Injury. Nothing nearly as powerful as the one I used on Angel and Bill, but even so her eyes, her arm, and the crown of her head glowed bright gold, her eyes retaining the glow for a second before she stopped shrieking with a weirded out look not unlike when she tried to nom spicy food, then very loudly filled her diaper.


    "What happened?"


    I kept my own voice level as I shifted off the bed and went about changing the crotch goblin. "She climbed over me and lost her balance. I woke up just as she started to fall. Barely managed to catch her, and I think I might have hurt her arm when I did."


    Saffron passed one hand through an Assess Health aimed at Isnomi while I had to pin the rug rat''s hands when she tried to explore the contents of her used diaper. Once Saffron had a chance to review the information from the Assess Health, the tension drained out of her. "Well, whether she got hurt or not, she''s fine now." I assume you got Treat Injury the way you did your other Skills.


    "Yeah." I replied to both implicit questions. "Looks like we need to step up our babyproofing game."


    Saffron just stared at me a second before saying, "You think in English, don''t you?"


    I shrugged. "I mean, from my perspective, me and you and everyone else speaks English. Spanish sometimes, but mostly English."


    She grinned. "That explains why you just told me we needed to improve our birth control."


    I couldn''t help it. Holding Isnomi''s dirty diaper straight armed toward the ceiling so she couldn''t get into it, I collapsed to the floor laughing as the tension I''d woken with drained out of me. Saffron put the new diaper on her and folded it shut while I laughed. "Yeah, no. We need to make the room safe for Isnomi, since she insists on living a life without fear of things like gravity and poison."


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    "What do you recommend?"


    I closed my eyes and thought about what I remembered from when I''d babysat my little cousins. "Latches on the doors and drawers so she can''t get into them. Removing, rounding off, or padding any sharp or pointy edges on the furniture. From what we just went through, some serious padding on the floor for when she inevitably launches herself off the top of the armoire. I''d say child proof caps on any chemicals, but we don''t really have any of those, and the non-baby-safe items in the locked drawers ought to be enough."


    "So we''ll have to completely remodel our living space to accommodate our little adventuress?"


    "I mean, yeah. It''s what you do when you have a kid."


    She went silent, suddenly pensive and serious. "Tabitha?"


    "Yeah?"


    She quietly asked, "how many babies live to see their thirteenth birthday where you''re from?"


    "Like, pretty much all of them. Once in a while you hear about some kid born with a congenital defect dying before they leave the hospital, and in places like Camden where assholes will start spraying gunfire arguing over who owns the rights to what corner kids get caught in the crossfire, but... pretty much all of them." I scooched over behind her, one leg to either side of her, one arm going around her to gently pull her to me, still holding the dirty diaper well out of Isnomi''s reach. Of course the rugger clambered over to my side and pulled herself up, making grumpy baby noises when she couldn''t reach much past my shoulder.


    Saffron let out a breath I hadn''t realized she''d been holding. In the darkness of the room, I saw a single tear slide down her cheek. "Sengann and Balor steal away half of the children born in Phileo City every year. Fewer than that in Phileo proper, as low as one in four among the wealthy here. More than that in Camden Yards." Her brow furrowed, the rest of her expression hardening. "Significantly more, in some cases." She drew in a deep breath, fury clear in her voice when she let it out. "My baby sister. My older brother. My parents. My grandfather. All stolen away by Sengann and Balor well before their time."


    I sat there, silent, as the horror of the death toll hit me. I thought I was used to sudden, violent death living in Camden, but this... Half of the kids, dead. "Why do you say ''Sengann and Balor''?"


    She met my gaze, tilting her head. "You don''t even remember them?"


    I shrugged. "Like I said, the Catholic Church kinda wiped out most of the old religions way before I was born. I know about some of them because I read a lot."


    "Sengann is the God of Disease. Balor is Death personified."


    Something struck me just then, conspicuous by its absence. "You don''t do that little hand gesture I''ve seen duBois and Angel do when you mention Balor."


    She went still, but something told me she''d embraced the stillness of a hunter, not of the prey. "Not any more."


    "Why not?"


    She turned the same terrifying grin on me that I''d seen when she finally grokked the nature of the crossbow. I swear I heard an echo of that distinctive crackle-hiss of a Mana Blade in her voice when she said, "Let. Them. Come."

 Day Ninety Four

    Dear Diary,


    I keep forgetting that just because Saffron is capable of being impulsive and random doesn''t mean that she''s always impulsive and random. Honestly, she''s kinda scary organized and driven most of the time. Opposites attract, maybe?


    Anyhow, woke up on the floor this morning, because Marie came by last night for bath time, and we all wound up nesting on the floor in our pile of blankets. Funny, I know heat rises and all that, but I wind up waking up warmer when we sleep with all but one of the blankets under us with that last one tented over us than I do when we curl up on the bed with most of them over top of us. Maybe it''s Marie. She''s kinda on the warm side, and most of the time when she''s over we nest on the floor.


    So as she''s made a habit of doing, Isnomi woke us up following the gaps in the sort of spiral we''d curled up in. When we went to sleep, she''d been settled in between Saffron and I, who''d curled around her with our knees and heads more or less touching, and Marie had curled herself around us, with her thighs near our heads, her tail wrapped over me, and her head down by our knees, with one of her hands lying on my thigh. I woke up with my head pillowed on Marie''s thigh, and she''d flopped away from our legs, one of her hands tangled up with our intertwined legs, the other flopped out behind her. I''d been lying there with my eyes closed, half asleep, when Saffron gasped. My eyes snapped open, and a quick scan of the area showed why Saffron had lost track of the crotch goblin. She stood almost directly behind Saffron''s butt, her back to us, both hands and her face on Marie for support as she toddled her way toward freedom.


    I put a single finger across Saffron''s lips and in my best Dora the Explorer voice said, "Oh. No. Where is Isnomi?" The tension melted out of Saffron as Isnomi giggled and started scooting sideways as quickly as her chubby little legs would carry her. "Is she leaning on Saffron?"


    "No!" said Saffron, managing a passable ''kids show voice'' herself, especially considering she''d never seen one. "Where has Isnomi gone? Is she leaning on Tabitha?"


    "No!" I replied, desperately trying to keep from laughing as I realized that not only was the little schnookerer using her mouth as a third point of contact to grab onto Marie, but Marie herself had a stupidly large grin on her face despite her eyes being closed. "Where''s Isnomi? Is she leaning on Marie?"


    Isnomi went into an absolute giggle fit at that question, launching herself at the tangle of legs, landing right on top of Marie''s arm as the Maenad''s eyes snapped open and she barked out a, "Yes!" in a passable Big Bad Wolf voice, bringing her other arm around like the jaw of a bear trap, her fingers and claws spread out to surround Isnomi like a cage. She lifted the squirming rugrat, her long fingers and claws around her like a five point harness, and dangled the noodge over her mouth, lowering her slowly as she growled, "om, nom, nom, nom, nom!" Isnomi, for her part, squealed with absolute glee as she wriggled around trying in vain to break free. The squealing giggles ranged up into the octaves where she must be stunning bats in a ten mile radius as her chubby little feet got in range of Marie''s fangs, whereupon Marie nipped playfully at her ankles while Isnomi grabbed at Marie''s ears, straining desperately to get her mouth onto one of them.


    The moment Isnomi lost her grip with both hands at once, Marie yoinked her back up to dangle again, repeating her, "om, nom, nom, nom!" as she did. As the dangling crotch goblin squealed with absolutely uninhibited glee, Saffron snuggled in close to me.


    Had you told me I would find that heartwarming a month ago, I would likely have deemed you insane, foolish, or both. Loudly.


    I know, right?


    Loud enough for Marie to hear, Saffron said, "you know, love, I don''t think it''s really appropriate for you to remain Isnomi''s Godmother at this point, what with you being her Mother."


    The sappy grin on my face from watching Marie play with Isnomi faded just a little. "I mean, when you put it that way, I guess not."


    "You mean you''d rather be her Godmother than her Mother?" My infuriatingly intellectual intimate arched one eyebrow as her panty-annihilation grin slipped onto her lips.


    I shook my head just a little, focusing on Isnomi and Marie, since I really didn''t think Saffron would go all in on shenanigans with Isnomi wide awake and glancing at us now and then as if to say, ''Mommy, mommy, look at me!'' "Nah. I''m still kinda weirded out by being a Mom, but I wouldn''t trade it for the world."


    A mischievous twinkle entered Saffron''s eyes. Well then... "Marie, we would be honored if you would consent to be our daughter''s Godmother. Would you?"


    Marie froze, going utterly still and silent. Her head twisted around until she faced us, an indecipherable expression locked in place. She stared at us as Isnomi did her dead level best to wriggle free, eventually even getting her mouth on Marie''s thumb, her pudgy little fists wrapped around Marie''s index finger and pinky, and one foot each on Marie''s ring and middle fingers, then kicking with all her might. Marie''s fingers didn''t budge in the slightest, but our little gremlin didn''t give up, even starting to growl with frustration and determination, all while Marie stared at us.


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    Marie eventually blinked, her eyes sliding closed, staying that way for a ten count, then sliding open just as slowly. "Godmother?" she asked, followed a few seconds later by, "Me?"


    "I don''t see another Marie in here we''d be asking," I snarked, only to have Saffron prod me in the ribs.


    Forgive me, love, but if she''s to stand in our stead, she needs to know. Before I could respond, she said, "Yes. Marie, Champion of Dionysus, Maid and Guardian of Phileo City''s Heroes, Beloved Concubine of Saffron Aetos, High Priestess above all others of Mimic, Beloved Concubine of Tabitha Diaz, Champion and High Priestess of Loki, Mimic Reborn into this world, would you be our daughter Isnomi''s Godmother, to raise and protect as your own should we predecease you?"


    I froze, willing my Blend to convince the world outside our room that there was nothing to see here, please move along, disperse and be on your way, nothing to see here at all. Nope. Nada. Nil. Just four completely boring people doing boring people boring things. Move along now.


    For her part, Marie hadn''t moved since she''d asked her question. For a long, endless moment, the only noise or motion came from Isnomi, still trying to break free from her dangling imprisonment. Dissonance overcame me as every danger alarm I had went off at once, while at the same time some greater part of me I hadn''t even known was tensed relaxed completely. Isnomi reared her head back and shook it back and forth, looking like nothing so much as a kitten about to attack a ball of string, before glomping her jaws down on Marie''s thumb and gnawing it while growling.


    What with the lights out, watching all of this in wireframe, I didn''t see it on her face, but I watched as a trickle, then a stream of tears dripped from Marie''s chin, right about the same time as the vibrations of her purring reached me through the floor. Her voice almost unintelligible, she growled out, "Yes." Then she proceeded to wriggle and skootch herself between Saffron and I, until she lay between us with Isnomi still caged in her upraised claw, shaking her head back and forth, her chubby little jaws gumming Marie''s thumb for all she was worth.


    We wound up missing breakfast. Hell, we almost wound up late for class. Totally worth it. Best of all, when we had ourselves ready to leave the room after spending a few hours just lying there vibing and letting the rugrat use us like her very own jungle gym, Marie picked Isnomi up and, after cuddling her while rubbing the side of her chin against the top of Isnomi''s head, she gingerly set Isnomi on her cart, looked at us, and asked, "Yes?"


    Too cute. Saffron and I couldn''t resist, we both glomped Marie, and I said, "Absolutely, Marie. You''re her Godmother, after all," while Saffron just nodded her agreement. Marie strutted off with Isnomi perched on her cart, squealing with glee as she rolled away on a new adventure. As they turned the corner, Saffron snuggled under my arm, pulling me into a hug. As I more or less carried her down the hallway dangling from my side, she thought, a Boon, my Lover, my Wife, my Goddess?


    Anything I can give is yours for the asking. Anything I can''t I''ll fake until I can get it for you. Look at me, being all suave and shit. Loki must be rubbing off on me.


    Should anyone threaten our child again, please don''t kill them until I''ve seen how many tiny pieces I can carve from them before you do?


    I shrugged. Might need to get help holding them still, but you got it, Kitten.


    Her gaze shot up to meet mine at that last, and she found her footing to walk beside me, tucked under my arm, as she said, "I''m not sure if I like that or not."


    "Oh?"


    She nodded, her face betraying not a whit of humor. "I''ll let you know when I figure it out."


    World Cultures was a little meh. Venice, with a side of Byblos. Pretty much ''make as much money as you can dominating trade in your region, hiring mercenary Heroes and Soldiers because your own suck, until everybody forgets that your Soldiers and Heroes suck, because nobody can outbid you''. Phileo City''s spin on that amounted to spending the money on the Academy instead of mercenaries. On the one hand, something seemed a little off about that, but on the other, Tabitha Likey Three All-You-Can-Eat Meals A Day.


    When we finally made it back to our room, we found Grandma and a Jon look-alike waiting beside a pile of bundles that half filled the hallway for a good six feet on either side of our door. "What the hell is all this?"


    Saffron tried to hold her laughter in, but it leaked out around her words as she said, "birth control."


    Before we got everything even halfway moved into the room, Marie arrived to help out while Grandma took Isnomi down to the laundry room, pulled a chair out into the hall, and sat there watching the four of us finish unpacking a stupidly large number of white, gray, and black blankets, mattresses, pillows, and soft, almost silky red ropes. Jon made off with the packing materials while Saffron, Marie, and I turned the room into a floofy grayscale playground, with cushy red ropes securing anything that needed holding in place. Marie collected Isnomi from Grandma, snuggling her close as the rugrat nommed on her ear and squeaked when Marie nuzzled her toes. With an almost forlorn look, she handed Isnomi to me and said, "Work."


    "You know you''re welcome to come back when you''re done, or if you just want to hide with us and take a break, right?"


    She did the weirdest little head toss and shrug, but grumbled out a, "yes," before trundling off with her cart. Right before she rounded the corner out of sight, she lay one hand where Isnomi''d been riding earlier.


    I never really thought I''d enjoy the whole domestic tranquility side of married life, but here I am, getting all gooey over watching an upright tiger pet her utility cart.


    Of course, after changing, feeding, and putting Isnomi to sleep in her cradle, which now had an absolute mountain of pillows surrounding it, Saffron reminded me of the other benefits of married life.


    She''d made her decision. It turns out she really likes her new nickname.

 Day Ninety Five

    Dear Diary,


    Sometimes it''s the stupid little questions that wind up blowing shit up but good.


    So Saffron and I woke up to Isnomi sitting in between us and slapping at us with her pudgy little hands, shouting, "Ma! Ma! Mama! Mama!" at the top of her lungs. When I opened my eyes and Saffron winched her own just far enough open to see, the little rugrat got the smuggest little grin and waved her hands in the air above her head, giggling the whole time until she toppled over backwards, which just made her giggle even more.


    A slow smile spread across Saffron''s face. "I could get used to that sound."


    "You''re not used to it already?" I asked, never looking away from where the crotch goblin rolled herself over and made for the edge of the bed.


    Saffron ran one hand down my side, wonder coloring her voice when she said, "Isnomi''s always been a good baby, but she''s gotten a little bit rambunctious since... since you. And the more active she gets, the more she giggles, it seems."


    I reached down and laced my fingers through hers. "I guess she feels safe."


    Saffron just smiled and shook her head, almost like she couldn''t believe her eyes. She pulled herself over and leaned on my belly so she could watch as Isnomi very deliberately somersaulted off the side of the bed, rolling down the slope of bolsters and pillows we''d built. She giggled madly the entire time she rolled ass-over-teakettle, and her mom echoed that with a warm chuckle as, the moment the little one stopped rolling and got her limbs underneath her, she crawled straight over to the desk, where we''d wrapped soft red cords around the desk vertically to hold the drawers shut. It made opening them a little bit of a pain in the ass, almost a two person job; one person to hold the cords aside, the other to open the drawer and get whatever we needed out of it.


    Isnomi, of course, used the vertical ropes to pull herself upright, then reached up to grab the handle of the middle side drawer and yank with all her might. After thirty seconds or so of continuous effort, she managed to get it to slide about a quarter inch open, but couldn''t quite reach the top of the drawer. Saffron nodded toward her and gave me a significant look.


    "Okay, okay, you were right, she found a way to open the drawers." Even if she''d been able to reach the top of the drawer and gotten her fingers in, we''d Mineral Bonded lengths of fluffy rope over the inside of the drawer and the top edge of the opening, which made opening and closing it even more of a pain in the ass, but meant if she caught her fingers closing the drawer, she''d catch them between two fluffy edges rather than two sharp corners. While we''d had to jury-rig a bunch of stuff, since we couldn''t exactly hit a department store for pre-made babyproofing stuff, Saffron had absolutely gone overboard with making the room into a gigantic padded playroom for our little one.


    Marie knocked, and when I let her in she pushed her cart into the least padded area of the room, which we''d left with a single thin mattress she could park her cart on. Okay, least padded except for the area where the door swung open. Since we couldn''t really do anything about that without totally changing out the door itself, we''d made an impromptu baby fence out of a weave of ropes to keep Isnomi out of that corner of the room. Of course, the moment Marie came in, Isnomi squealed with glee, stumble-dove toward her, and made it to one end of the baby fence by the time Marie had her cart far enough past the door to push it closed. Of course, the moment she did, she scooped the little gremlin up and nuzzled her.


    "Did you want to deliver her to Grandma for the day today?" I asked as I traded her the handful of dirty laundry Isnomi''d created after Marie left last night for an armload of clean uniforms and diapers.


    Marie pondered that for a moment, then said, "No," plonking Isnomi square in the middle of her cart.


    I had a moment of sphincter clench as the little imp rolled herself around, but she managed to get herself seated about six inches behind the front of the cart and started slapping her hands on the surface of the cart in front of her while almost chanting, "Ca! Ca! Ca!"


    "If you''re sure she won''t be in the way?" Saffron asked. Marie just leaned over and nuzzled first Saffron then me before pulling her cart out the door. As she turned to head down the hallway, Saffron called, "just drop her off in the Infirmary if you need to!" Marie nodded, and we listened to Isnomi giggle-shrieking as they headed off down the hallway.


    That left Saffron and I alone in the room. I gave her my best lecherous grin, stalking toward her, but she planted one palm in the middle of my chest and said, "not today, Goof. We''ve got class all day, and Lachlan will likely want us to help him again."


    I pouted, hunching my shoulders and more or less trapping her hand in my cleavage. "He''s nowhere near as big of a knob goblin as his brother, but he''s still... y''know... Lancastery. You really want us to spend our day with him?"


    She just smiled serenely at me, sliding her hand slowly just long enough to make me shudder a little, then whipping it away and heading for the armoire. She untied the rope holding the doors shut, put away the laundry, then pulled out our uniforms, tossing me mine. "I''m no fan of the Lancasters in general, mind you, but it doesn''t hurt to have one of them in our debt. Lachlan''s the eldest son of Leonard, the current head of the family."


    "Ugh. Politics. Makes my head hurt. And unsettles my stomach when it gets really awful." I yoinked my shirt and pants on, deliberately leaving all the ties untied, then just kinda draped my jacket over my shoulders.


    She shrugged. "It''s not like we''re hurting anyone; in fact we''re rather doing the opposite." Once she had herself dressed, she looked over at me and shook her head, but she couldn''t hide her tiny smile or muttered, "Goof." She walked over and, starting with my shirt, tied all my ties and buttoned all my buttons. "You could at least pretend to dress yourself."


    I grinned down at the top of her head while she worked, wiggling just enough that my pants dropped to my knees as she finished with my shirt. "I like it when you fix me up. At least this way you don''t have to undo anything."


    She shook her head as she bent down to pull my pants up, flicking me hard enough to sting, close enough so I knew she''d missed making it stupidly painful on purpose. "Are you telling me I''m interfering with you learning how to dress yourself?"


    I chuckled, "nah. Not like I care all that much about making everything just so anyhow. I just get it close enough nobody''s gonna notice." I shrugged. "At least this way I get your hands all over me before we have to head out for the day."


    She looked up at me, batting her eyes as she tied my pants and started in on my jacket without looking. "You mean you wouldn''t learn to do it right just for me?"


    I heaved a longsuffering sigh. "Oh-kay. If you put it that way. I''m gonna miss you doing this though."


    A hint of the Grin of Inhibition Obliteration leaked through as she said, "do you think you can dress yourself properly tomorrow? And avoid destroying the Academy until tomorrow afternoon?"


    I shrugged. "No promises, but I''ll give it my best shot. Why?"


    "Because at the moment, you''ve got the afternoon off, we''ve got a positively eager nanny who''ll likely have Isnomi until dinner at least, and I''ve nothing to do all morning but make nefarious plans for how to occupy you from lunch until dinner time." With that she spun me around, tugged the tails of my jacket down, and slapped me on the ass. "Let''s get going."


    Of course, she got a little irked when I stepped over the baby fence, then lifted her over it. "So you don''t have to get all messy," I waggled my eyebrows in an over the top leer, "until tomorrow afternoon, at least."


    She pulled me in for a laughing kiss before I put her down and we left for breakfast. Apparently today was ''death to pigs'' breakfast; only one short tray of spicy eggs, but piles and piles of bacon, sausage, and ham steaks. We even got some pretty big bowls of apples and blueberries. A little before the meal ended, I grabbed a big apple I''d set aside, carefully extruded a Mana Blade, trying to match a shape I barely remembered, and cored, sliced, and cooked the apple all at once. I nommed the core while I waited for the rest to cool a little bit, then handed them out before we all headed to class. The Dining Hall basically ignored my Mana Blade Insta-Toast shenanigans by now, but when the smell of baked apples followed us out of the room, everybody, even the high table and the Barbie Brigade, watched us enviously as we left the room nomming on baked apples.


    When we got to Intermediate Heroics, not only did we have our metal ''make your own bullseye'' kits set out, we also had a bowl on each of our desks. I looked at Doc DeLeon, pointed at a bowl, and kinda cocked my head in that ''what the fuck is this shit?'' position.


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    He chuckled and said, "today''s lesson will be the most basic of Water Elemental spells; Create Water. Something to hold the water in makes it far less messy."


    I shrugged, tugged three desks into a little workspace, and Saffron and I settled in. When Lachlan arrived we waved him over, then put a Mana Ward around all of us before we started in on Operation Lachlan Bonding. He''d managed a really shitty job of Mineral Bonding the center disk to the circle around it before the rest of the class arrived and Doc DeLeon gave us a quick lecture about how Create Water could allow Heroes or even small units to traverse deserts or oceans without having to transport bulky water casks.


    "Must be pretty handy in swamps and jungles, too." I quipped at that point.


    Doc DeLeon just stared at me, long enough that I hunched a little bit and said, "What?"


    "I''m trying to think why you think you would need to carry water in a swamp or a jungle, both terrains known for plentiful, even excessive water sources."


    I tilted my head, trying to figure out how the guy in charge of one of our Infirmaries wouldn''t pick up what I was putting down. "Uh, it''s like the ocean though. The water''s not safe for drinking?"


    His head tilted to match my own, and he shook it a little, like he was trying to get the concept to fit into his head, or maybe trying to dislodge it. "Stagnant water can be problematic, but both swamps and jungles have plenty of fresh, flowing water. It might take some searching, and perhaps a little filtering through a cheese cloth to be sure you don''t wind up trying to drink a fish, but neither would really be a place you''d need to Create Water."


    I just sat there, at a loss for how to explain the idea of germs to somebody from a city where everybody just assumed that diseases were caused by a visit by some Disease God, or maybe his minions. Demons. Whatever. Eventually I shrugged, put on my best goofy grin, rapped a knuckle on the side of my head and said, "duh. Sorry, brain must be on the fritz. Thanks Doctor."


    "Teaching you would be my reason for being here, so you''re welcome. Now, watch carefully, class."


    I have no idea what he did next, because Lachlan quietly rapped a knuckle against his shitty bonding job. "Can we get back to this now?"


    Saffron picked up the poorly linked pieces of metal while saying, "what about Create Water?"


    Lachlan shrugged, put one finger over his bowl, and half a dozen grape sized drops of water formed and dropped from his finger in less than six seconds. "Help me with this and I''ll gladly demonstrate Create Water as much as you need."


    I sat there speechless for the second time in as many minutes, although at this point due to surprise at a Lancaster displaying casual competence and a reasonable sense of fair play. I mean, he still wanted to do his shit first, because of course he did, but that dropped him square in the middle of ''selfish privileged jerk'', not ''raging overcompensating asshole'' with his brother Larry. Saffron just nodded and picked up her own disc and inner ring, setting them in the middle of the three of us and saying, "watch carefully." She didn''t bother with the light show, because just like everyone else in class except me, Lachlan had no problems seeing her normal Mana Shapes. Maybe ten seconds after she started, the edges of the inner circle just kind of melted into the ring around it. She picked it up and showed Lachlan both sides, which had flowed together seamlessly.


    He looked down at his half-assed job and shook his head for a second before picking it up and trying to pop the center circle out. It flexed, and there was more gap than connection, but before he strained something I handed him my materials and took away his crappy Bond job. "Thanks."


    "De nada." I replied, and watched as he slowly, painstakingly wove his hands through the Shape, only to have the edges of the center disc flare, flutter, and form an even shittier job of Bonding than the first one, if that was even possible. At that point, Saffron went to raise her hand, I guess to ask for more materials, but I got a sudden inspiration. "Wait," I said, and pushed out the thinnest Mana Blade I could, running it through the Bonded spots and turning his first attempt at Bonding into a slightly sloppy disc and a corresponding circle. He handed over his second attempt while the first set cooled, and I separated the Bonds on that one too.


    He reached for the mostly cooled first set, a resigned look on his face as he said, "I''ve got enough Mana for another try or two. Nothing for it but practice, I guess," and lifted his hands into what he used as a ''shaping position''.


    At that point another inspiration bomb hit me, and I reached out and put a hand between him and his materials. "Wait! I just thought of something." He pulled his hands back and I explained. "I just realized, Saffron and I do our Mineral Bonding differently. She''s got way more finesse and control than me," at this point I glanced over to see her using the thinnest Mana Blade I''d ever imagined, like a hair thin one, arranged into a perfect circle, to slice the center disc out of her materials as smoothly as I''d cored my apple earlier. "As you can see." I rolled my eyes and smiled at her, "showoff." She grinned at me, reminding me way too much of Isnomi when she''d just figured out a new way to terrify Saffron and I with attempted self-destruction. "Anyway, everybody knows I don''t have any finesse or self control, but I''ve got Mana blowing out my ass, and I haven''t had a problem with Mineral Bond, because I do it differently."


    Lachlan let out a huge sigh and said, "yes, but you''ve likely got far more Earth affinity than I have. I''ve got plenty of Fire affinity, and reasonably good Water affinity, but those leave no room for Earth."


    "Neither do I. Have any Earth affinity, that is. Nothing but Water and Air. But that doesn''t matter the way I do it. Okay, I''ll try not to blind you too bad, but keep your eye on how I do this." He nodded, then watched as I wove the Shape for Mineral Bonding. I hadn''t thought about it before, but where Saffron''s Mineral Bonds always formed all-at-once, mine worked more like a weld, running along the edges of the surfaces I wanted to Bond. With most stuff, the weld went so fast it looked the same as Saffron''s, but this time I slowed it way down, forcibly slowing the shape so we could all see the Bond forming first in a single spot, then running clockwise around the gap between the two pieces of metal, Bonding them as it went. It wound up looking way sloppier than hers, both in terms of the edges not being a smooth circle and because it had those little ridges you got from welding shit, but when I picked it up and rapped at the center of it, the Bond didn''t flex in the slightest.


    He took it from me, gripped the edges of the ring in his fingers, and shoved the center with his thumbs until a vein popped out in his forehead, but despite it looking sloppy, it just plain refused to budge in the slightest. "Huh." He set my Bonded circle down with a thoughtful look, then reached out and pulled Saffron''s materials to him. He lined them up, and I have to say they fit even more tightly than they had before Saffron Bonded them; we could barely see the crack in the metal separating the two parts. He moved his hands through the Shape, slower than he had earlier, with sweat beading on his forehead as he did. A weird, tiny, floating Mana Blade-let thing appeared at one point on the circle, then crackle-hissed its way clockwise around the crack between the two pieces of metal, leaving a sloppy yet apparently functional weld in its place. Forehead vein popped, sweat literally dripping down his face, Lachlan''s lips nonetheless bent into a strained grin as the weld reached about a quarter of the way around the circle. "Holy crap! It''s working! I''m doing... oh, shit."


    With that his Mana Bladelet sputtered out, his eyes rolled back in his head, and he collapsed face first into the table. Only Saffron''s quick reflexes kept his forehead from going right into the slightly smoldering end point of his Bond. I yoinked it out from under him so she could set his head down, then applied a Stabilize to shock him awake. Doc DeLeon arrived just as Lachlan sat up, shaking his head.


    "What happened?" the professor asked, standing just outside our Mana Ward.


    Lachlan took a deep breath and blew it out. "Burned through all my Mana before I realized it, but," he grabbed the partially Bonded bits from Saffron and held them up for DeLeon to see, "look! I did that!"


    Doc DeLeon reached out, and Lachlan passed the partially Bonded disc through. Apparently if neither of them touched the Mana Ward, since the disc had no active Mana in it, the Mana Ward didn''t react in the slightest. The prof examined the Bond, tapping at it with a knuckle, running a finger over the weld. "Incomplete. Messy, as well." Then he smiled, passing the disc back through to Lachlan as he said, "but significantly better than anything you''ve ever done in the past. If you can complete all three Bonds without passing out, I''ll note you as having passed Intermediate Heroic Skills One." He nodded, and I barely heard him mutter, "finally," as he walked off.


    If he heard that last bit, Lachlan didn''t react in the slightest. He reached out with both hands, grabbing one of mine before saying, "thank you. Sincerely."


    "You''re not done yet," I nodded to the three-quarters-incomplete Bond, "you haven''t even finished the smallest Bond yet. Not even half way."


    He let go of my hand and made a throwing away gesture with one of his, taking another deep breath and blowing it out through his nose. "That''s just practice. Work. Hard work, I know, because I thought I was done with building up my Mana and learning to avoid Mana Depletion. But," he stopped, shaking his head, but I got the sense that he was denying the idea that the need for hard work would stop him. "I''ve worked hard on things and succeeded before. Ask Marshall duBois about my troubles with the obstacle course at some point. It took a lot of hard work for me to get good enough at that to satisfy him, but I did it."


    "What''s made Mineral Bond so much different then?"


    He shook his head again, "because even at the start, I knew what I needed to learn, to practice, to work on to get through the obstacle course. There were hurdles," he made a throwing away gesture and smiled, "metaphoric ones as well as the literal ones, but I saw steady improvement every week. This? I''ve been putting out those terrible excuses for Bonds for three years now, with no progress until today."


    I shrugged. "Just glad I could help out. You wanna show us Create Water, or do you wanna jump right back in the saddle again?"


    He reached his left hand out, palm up, the way Saffron had done when she needed me to refill her Mana tank. "Forgive me, I need to do this again. Just to prove to myself it wasn''t some kind of fluke."


    "You got it," I slammed a whomping big Stabilize into his hand. When he''d finished shuddering, without a word he turned back to the materials, his tiny little Mana-Bladelet already glowing in the gap between circle and disc.


    By the end of the day, he''d passed out twice more, although right before class ended he managed to do the full circle of the first Bond without stopping or passing out. He never did show us Create Water. I didn''t really have the heart to stop him when every time he got just a little further his face lit up like a kid on Christmas. Getting to Stabilize the living shit out of a Lancaster repeatedly and have him thank me for it was just icing on the cake, really.

 Day Ninety Six

    Dear Diary,


    I love Saffron. That''s still kinda weird for me to say it right out like that, sure, but I do. That said? She may be the scariest fucker I have ever met, hands down, and I''m not sure whether I should worry about how much that grinds every gear I''ve got or not.


    Okay, so this morning went off without a hitch, really. Isnomi woke us up, because apparently while she has no fear at all, she wants someone watching her daredevil morning antics.


    Actually, now that I think about it, I don''t know that for certain. For all I know, she practices this crazy shit before ever waking us up, then comes and gets us once her show is ready. Shit, she''s Saffron''s kid. That''s absolutely what she''s doing, and short of tying her up at night we''re not going to be able to stop her, because for all her glorious virtues, my beloved is a heavier sleeper than I am.


    Anyway, her performance this morning included showing us we needed a more complex knot on the armoire, because she pulled herself up, grabbed one of the dangling ropes of the bow knot, dropped her legs out from under her and Tarzaned her way across the front of the armoire, landing on the other side giggle-squealing as the door to the armoire swung open.


    Doesn''t matter how soon we''ve got this menace potty trained, I''m gonna have to clean up my pants after her antics at some point, I''m sure of it.


    Okay, once we had her fed, changed, and off on her day''s adventures atop Marie''s cart, I dressed myself, correctly in all particulars, because while I may be a trash human being and thirty two flavors of stupid, I can manage to avoid being a complete idiot when advanced planning Saffron canoodling is on the line. Meanwhile Saffron and I chatted about other knots to use, or whether we ought to just birth control the shit out of the inside of the armoire. By the time I''d gotten ready to go, she still hadn''t decided, so I scooped her up, kissed her as thoroughly as possible given the limitations of time and keeping my uniform Just So, told her I trusted her judgement and to let me know what she decided, and got myself to breakfast.


    MOAR PORK. All the pork products. Even more pork byproducts. Mostly byproducts, although I saw plenty of actual ham and bacon heading toward the Barbie Brigade, but couldn''t bring myself to get bent out of shape about it, because the Maids kept the jalapeno scrapple coming despite my best efforts to depopulate the porcine population of the Delaware Valley. Even Angel got in on the betting this time, although she still hadn''t stopped making that sign against evil every time I sat down at the table. She''d got progressively more subtle about it, but she hadn''t stopped. I couldn''t really blame her. I did julienne her arms, cut them off, and flame broil her. Don''t know what I''d do if somebody I liked did that to me, but I''m pretty sure I''d be way less copacetic about it than Angel seemed to be.


    So I picked up Lyman outside Remedial Celtic, and after a couple quick questions he called Sister Cheryl over.


    "I think we''ve had a bit of a breakthrough with Tabitha''s written Celtic."


    She smiled and nodded, "really? That''s wonderful!" She turned to me. "Do you have anything you can show me?"


    I nodded, took a deep breath, and wrote while she watched me. I managed to do, ''My name is Tabitha Diaz.'', ''My wife''s name is Saffron Aetos.'', ''My daughter''s name is Isnomi Aetos.'', and ''My Patron''s name is Loki Laufeyson.'' Loki gave me a bit of a look at that last one, but Sister Cheryl just gushed.


    "Oh, my stars! After months of practice with so little to show, you learned those in just this past week?" she asked.


    I shrank a little, "I really didn''t practice much this week. I learned all this last Friday."


    If anything she got even gushier. "That''s wonderful!" She looked to Lyman and said, "I''m so glad the two of you patched up whatever had come between you, and I do not need to know the specifics, only that you believe she''ll be able to keep up this rate of progress?"


    Lyman turned to me and asked, "what do you think, can you keep it up?"


    I shot him a crooked grin and replied, "heck, I might even speed up with the right motivation."


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    If Sister Cheryl blushed a little at that, I didn''t comment. "Well then. Whatever the two of you did last week, you''ve my blessing to keep at it, however you''re managing it. Thank you so much, Lyman, and I am so proud of you, Tabitha!"


    I grinned ear to ear and said, "Thanks!" and she turned away to help the new kids in Remedial Celtic while Lyman gathered up my primer, some scrap paper, and a couple pens. He walked me back to my room.


    Once we got out of earshot off the classroom, Loki chuckled, a long, lasting thing that got loud enough to echo down the hall a little. "Had not your daughter utterly won over my wife earlier this week, I would warn you against letting anyone think we might be amorously involved. Now? I shudder to think what you women have planned for me."


    I smirked at him. "Afraid we''ll conspire to steal away your virtue?"


    He laughed out loud at that, a surprisingly clean, pure thing given what I''d said. As the echoes of that died down, distant echoes of a distinctive squealing giggle chased them away. The Academy is not a small place, but neither Loki nor my daughter are afraid of making big noises, apparently. Shit, I''m not exactly quiet myself. Hell, that might be the scariest part about Saffron to anyone who isn''t, y''know, me or Marie or Loki or Dionysus. All the rest of us are big, noisy, in-your-face types. I mean, Marie''s noises are apparently mostly subsonic, but just because a loud note is also a brown note doesn''t make it quieter. With all that noise going on? Ain''t nobody got bandwidth to notice quiet little Saffron even when she''s not trying to be sneaky, and even knowing Loki''s reputation as an assassin I''d still put my money on Saffron.


    As we got close to the room, he reached out and laid a hand on my arm, slowing to a stop as he did. Weird thing, I felt his Blend wrap around both of us. "In all seriousness, Tabitha? I am known for my plans, my plots, my schemes. I''ve fostered that reputation, possibly the only entirely true sentiment I''ve ever been the champion of. And yet..."


    We stood there in silence as I waited for him to finish his sentence. Eventually, his mouth slipped closed, and I nudged him with the side of my arm, saying, "and yet?"


    He sucked in a breath, let some of it out in a snorting laugh. "And yet that day I met you? I had none. Every plan, every plot, every scheme, they''d all run their course. Oh, the prophecies of Ragnarok still lurk, but I would hardly claim ''I become enraged, break free of my bonds, break my children free, and we go on a murderous rampage through Asgard'' is in any way a ''plan''. Honestly, it''s barely a prophecy. ''The ones you chained and tortured will break free and seek vengeance'' isn''t so much fortunetelling as an inevitable sequence of events, really." He turned to face me. "Tabitha Diaz, my Champion, my Priestess High above all others?"


    "Yep. That''s me!" I shot him my goofiest of self-deprecating grins.


    "Indeed it is. On that day I met you I had next to nothing. All that I had I bet blindly on you."


    That shook me. Like you do, I snapped back, "Oh, shit. Must have been pretty scary to check your cards and see a two of clubs and the instructions for Uno."


    That got him. As he laughed, he shook his head, waved his free hand. "Oh, no. No, no, no, when I glanced at the table I''d placed the sum total of my divine fortune on zero, and the ball seemed set to bobble between five and ten. And yet..."


    I smirked at him, "And yet?"


    "Here we are. My wife has declared her devotion. My share of the Glory you earned on the Equinox is enough to last me millennia, even had you not created the first others to claim my Patronage since before the founding of Phileo."


    "I mean, winning the long odds seems your kinda thing, though."


    He tossed his head, "oh, sit me at a table with cards and I will certainly do so. The odds mean nothing when the other players see nothing save what you desire them to. But in this? I want you to know that thus far, my investment in you has reaped dividends beyond my wildest imaginings, and it stuns me to realize you''ve received something of mine I''ve not given to any in all my long, long life."


    "Shit, I''ve got something of yours? Did you want it back? What is it?"


    I watched him force his face into some semblance of solemnity, fighting against my goofiness long enough to say, "My trust. Tabitha Diaz, my Champion, I lay this upon you. Should you survive my end, I ask only two things. Protect Sigyn. Avenge me."


    I kept my smile up, even as his words forced some serious sphincter clenching. No pressure or anything, right? "Hell of a set of marching orders there, Boss."


    He shook his head. "Not orders. Should I meet my end, I should no longer be in a position to demand aught of you. These would simply be my final wishes, and I have learned enough in my time of privation to know that I should humbly beg you to assure me you will grant them, and I do so now." Then the somehow-not-smarmy bastard went and bowed to me, a full on arms-outstretched, one leg back fancy thing.


    I couldn''t leave my guy hanging there like that, and I''ve mentioned my deathly allergy to formality. I stepped into him, pulling him up, pulling him into a full on, back slapping bro-hug, then pushed him back with my hands on his shoulders, just far enough to meet his gaze, and lowered my own Blend to about half mast as I said, all humor gone from my voice, "Boss, if somebody offs you? By the time I''m done the other Gods will shit themselves thinking about it." I grinned at him, and with my best Dominic Toretto impression said, "you''re family."


    And you''ve seen for yourself what I''m like when somebody hurts my family.

 Day Ninety Seven

    Dear Diary,


    Saffron: fucking adorable or adorably fuckable? I can''t decide.


    So yesterday after my little heart to heart with Loki, he dropped me off with Saffron. I walked in all leering, ready for private fun time.


    "No."


    "No?"


    "That is for after lunch. Before lunch you''re learning to write Celtic." I gave her my best puppy dog eyes, kinda spoiled because what with her staying in the room until now she hadn''t bothered to get dressed. Room full of soft and fuzzy for the win! Still, she just shook her head and waved at me. "Off with it." I eagerly went from fully clothed to butt nekkid in record time. She managed to straight up stiff-arm block me, one hand firmly planted in the middle of my chest keeping us apart, one hand facepalming.


    "What? You said off with it! Weren''t you supposed to be thinking up ways to assault virtue I didn''t realize I still had?" I tilted my head, trying to figure out the situation.


    She took a deep breath, let it out with a little chuckle at the end. "Goof." She smiled up at me, reaching out to run her hand down my right arm, a slow, gentle caress. "I have many ideas about that already. Enough to take up the entirety of the afternoon at least, so that''s not the limiter on our afternoon''s entertainment."


    Okay, I am the special kind of stupid that can absolutely recognize bait when I see it, yet not only jump for it, but put effort into figuring out how much bait I can fit in my maw before the trap springs shut. "So, uh, what is? The limiter, that is?"


    She tilted her head forward a little bit, pantomiming sharing a secret when she said, "That would be how many new things you learn to write in Celtic." She gently pinched my forearm and wiggled the skin back and forth. "Now, off with it."


    As I''ve no doubt said before, I can catch a clue if it''s been tipped with bunker busting technology, and lemme tell you, buster, right at that moment I wanted nothing more than to bunk her, so my brain engaged enough for me to say, "OH!" and drop my Blend like a Youtuber dropping a basketball off a dam.


    Every part of Saffron but her hand and eyes froze. She ran her hand up my arm, which caught me directly between ''literally rubbing me the wrong way'' and ''intense rubbing sensation has caused an error in Tabitha.exe''. When she ran her hand the other way, her fingertips gently combing through the thin fur, sounds came out of me without conscious control; I surprised myself with an intense purr, and embarrassed myself with an absolutely childish needy whimper. She grinned, somehow injecting wholesomeness into that entirely unnecessary Panty-Obliterating Grin. "You''re so cute. That gives me another couple ideas. We''d best get started on your writing, no?"


    I don''t remember passing through the space between standing in front of Saffron and sitting at my desk, paper in front of me, pen in hand, literally bouncing in my seat with eagerness. "Let''s get me my Learn on!"


    She laughed, striding across our blanketed floor, her hips swaying as she evaded the pillows and bolsters without her eyes ever looking away from mine. She reached out, ruffled my hair, and leaned against the back of my chair, propping her chin on my left shoulder. "You know? I think I''m as eager for you to learn as you are. I know just what to start with." She leaned past me, taking the pen in her left hand and guiding me through a few letters. The weirdest thing about dropping my Blend completely? I hadn''t been able to recognize the alphabet until Saffron taught me last week. I mean, I picked it up quick, but it still helped to have her guide me through the word the first time. She finished the word, pulled our hands away, and said, "Eggs."


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    Yeah, totally corny, but she''s right, I don''t think I''d learn anything faster than the words for food.


    Okay, maybe one other topic might come easier than that, but I''m pretty sure Sister Cheryl would blow a gasket if I wrote about that in Remedial Celtic.


    "OOH! After I get egg down, teach me corn!"


    "Goof."


    So we spent like five hours with her never quite breaking skin to fur contact with me. Somehow it wound up keeping me focused on the lesson as much as my goal. Trust my Saffron to have shit like lesson plans prepared alongside aerospace tolerance kama sutra fanfic diagrams, all stored in that cute little cranium. We wound up working through lunch; hell, we worked well past lunch, because every so often she''d let out this cute little speculative hum and say something like, "Oh, I just thought of something else that might be fun to try." I always thought moving goalposts were a bad thing.


    By the time Marie rolled in with Isnomi banging on the domes of our dinner trays, chanting, "Din! Din! Din!" at the top of her little lungs, I''d realized they weren''t ''moving goalposts''. I''d clearly misidentified them; what Saffron had been adding through the morning and early afternoon? Stretch goals.


    Oh, yeah. Stretch goals indeed. Thorough stretching in several physical and countless metaphoric ways. I just stared dreamily up at Marie, cart, Isnomi, and dinner, too tired to properly giggle at how I''d got my ass Isekai''d to The World Without Science only to discover exactly how hot Engineering could be when applied to the hanky and the panky.


    Marie just laughed her little Marie laugh at us as we lay there draped over some pillows and bolsters, Saffron as spent as I was. She lifted the lids from the trays, and we watched as Isnomi gorged herself on mashed pumpkin, grapes, and what absolutely looked and smelled like chicken nuggets. Eventually our combined pitiful hungry looks must have touched the mercy in Marie''s soul, and she lowered the tray down to the floor.


    Like two feet beyond our reach. We are talking about the mercy in Marie''s soul, after all. Then she proved her sublime sense of cruel humor by setting Isnomi down between our dinner and us. The crotch goblin set about feeding us. One grape for Saffron, one grape for Isnomi. One nugget for me, one grape and one nugget for Isnomi. Bit by bit she worked her way through the plate. According to Saffron the nuggets weren''t chicken, but duck. Odd taste; not bad, but very darker-than-dark-meat. I think the word''s ''gamey''.


    At any rate, we lay there letting the rug rat decide what and how much we ate. She squealed and clapped every time she managed to feed us something. Marie eventually settled down on the bed, pulling out a file and primly sharpening her nails while she watched.


    Weird dream. Kinda like the ''bored in a box'' dream, but... not. All night long, lying on some bumpy ground, staring at the stars, just kinda vibing.


    Woke up to Isnomi going full on King Kong on top of Marie''s shoulder, one hand braced on her ear, the other thumping at her own chest as she made tiny baby roars. Soul of patience that she is, Marie sat there motionless, the cutest little smile barely bending her lips.


    "Do you want to take her today?" I asked.


    Her eyes sparkled in the dark. "Yes." Her smile faded. "Can''t." She sighed. "Work."


    I got up and walked over to her, wrapping my arms around her and saying, "It''s okay. You''re welcome to take her along when you want, but it''s not an obligation. Grandma''s kinda supposed to be watching her on Saturdays and Sundays anyway. You do what you need to do, and just let us know next time you can and want to take her along for the day."


    Marie wrapped her arms around me and nuzzled me. Isnomi took the opportunity to descend from Marie''s Empire State to my much more manageable Chrysler building, but kept up her whole King Kong act. Totes adorbs, and when Saffron finally shook off her morning sleepies she said as much as well.


    We got dressed, dropped Isnomi off with Grandma, hit Breakfast like a goddamned Olympic Eating Competition, then made it out to the Practice Yard only to find Lachlan of all people filling in for the Marshall. He let us partner up however we liked, and otherwise we did the normal morning run followed by pairs isometrics, then dancing until Lunch. Saffron and I worked on our Tango, and did the same after lunch. We''re not exactly Gomez and Morticia yet, but we''re getting pretty good at it. More isometrics after that, followed by an hour run until dinner.


    When I asked Lachlan where the Marshall had fucked off to (I mean, politely, I have some ability to fake having class, if I lean on Blend heavy enough), and he let the class know the Marshall had taken a platoon of Senior Cadets off to the Amsterdam neutral zone, since there had been some rumors of the House of Orange doing some troop movements or some shit.


    I swear, if that man gets himself killed before he gets his damn gold watch, I''m gonna be pissed.

 Day Ninety Eight

    Dear Diary,


    Weird what makes things feel like ''home''.


    Another vivid dream last night; started when I dropped off to sleep.


    I lay staring at the stars again. My side itched a little, so I wiggled around, trying to scratch it without actually reaching over, moving away from whatever''d tickled me, or maybe even squishing whatever''d poked at me flat enough to stop with the itchy poking. It didn''t settle, but I just couldn''t fucking be bothered to pay any more attention to it, so I just kinda ignored it, hoping it would go away. I lay on a hillside; not quite at the top, because a low, rocky outcropping blocked my view to the West, where I''d watched the sun set. To the East, where I lazily awaited the sunrise, I splashed at the shallow edge of a lake. I felt things moving in the water, but like, fucking minnow sized whatevers that I couldn''t be assed to do shit about. Now and again something barely felt oozed underneath me, but every time whatever it was did, it felt really nice. I worried a little about it being some relative of those itty bitty hallucinogenic frogs. Hallucinogenic frog tadpoles, maybe? Did hallucinogenic frogs do the hallucinogen thing as tadpoles? Whatever, I couldn''t bring myself to care, because it felt really nice. Like, I really hoped the little slimy things weren''t some kind of people, or I''d be talking to Saffron about just happening going on. As I sat there vibing, enjoying the feel of funky tadpoles caressing the bits of me in the water, false sunrise painted the sky to the East.


    I woke up. Kinda suddenly. Because a tiny human had just punched me square in the tit.


    Isnomi looked up at me, cranky as fuck. I couldn''t tell whether the rug rat was precocious or I was just that good at inspiring That Look, because her exasperated expression clearly said, "what the fuck, mom?" Then she lowered her mouth onto my nipple and sucked. Miracle of miracles, that clue went directly to the sorely underutilized Clue Processing Center in my brain. I reached down to scoop her up, getting another slap to the tit as she flailed about, grumpily expressing her desire for breakfast. I reached out, just managing to snag the edge of the mashed pumpkin bowl from last night. I''d remembered right, semi-congealed pumpkin mush filled the bottom third of it. I ran my finger through it and stuck it in Isnomi''s mouth to silence the General Baby Fault.


    She clearly wasn''t happy about getting cold pumpkin mush instead of warm milk, but my daughter is definitely my daughter, lack of genetic connection notwithstanding. She wasn''t about to spit out food just because she wanted different food. I kept sticking pumpkin mush coated digits into her tiny maw, and she kept gumming them clean. I mean, I guess I could have woken up Saffron and gotten her to feed the tyke, or roused Marie to figure out what she''d fed our tiny adventurer while she rolled around the Academy on Marie''s Cart of Awesome Baby Conveyance, but it turns out I kinda liked feeding her.


    Dealing with the top end is way less shitty than dealing with the bottom, even if she''s cranky about it.


    By the time I scraped the last of the mush from the bottom of the bowl, we''d settled into a pattern. I scooped up another fingerful of mush while she did her dead level best to co-locate her mouth and my nipple, because apparently she didn''t quite understand that my tits are lactose-free. I juggled her back into the crook of my arm and stuck a mush-coated finger in her mouth, and she grabbed my hand with her chubby baby fingers while she gummed her way around my finger, getting every bit of pumpkin mush before letting go. Hell, she''d gnawed enough I figured she''d exfoliated my pointer finger pretty good by that point as well.


    Then the little grumpy proto-bitch bit me!


    Not, like, gummed me. Honestly, I don''t think I felt it happen. I felt it as her tongue pushed baby drool into the wound and she clamped down with her itty bitty jaws again. I tried to keep from yelling, but even with my jaw clenched a little bit of a squeak got out. She pulled back, her eyes wide, her mouth hanging open looking as surprised as I was, the teeny tiny stupidly sharp point of one baby canine tooth just poking out of her upper gum. She giggled as I yanked my finger out of her mouth, staring at the pinpoint of blood welling from a pinprick on the back of my finger before putting it in my own mouth to try and clean it off.


    I know, I know, but it''s not like I can infect myself with my own oral flora, right?


    Still, sucking on a paper cut to try and keep it from stinging might be a bad habit, but it''s still a habit. One I regretted the moment the mix of pumpkin mush, baby drool, and a pinpoint of fire from the heart of the sun hit my tongue. Three different kinds of ''get that out of my mouth'' all at once. I considered it a personal triumph that I didn''t yell, especially didn''t yell at the little gremlin that caused it, but apparently I didn''t keep my face neutral. She looked up at me, blinked, and lost her shit laughing.


    Literally on that last. My one reliable baby-related talent making itself known once again.


    As I finished changing Isnomi on the hard, smooth, easy-to-clean surface of the desk, Saffron murmured, "You''re so cute when you''re domestic." I shot her an annoyed look, and she stretched as The Grin slid across her face. "Oh, don''t be that way. We''ll have to ask Marie if she can leave a spare apron next time she takes Isnomi for the day."


    I opened my mouth to reply, only to get sniped by Marie''s satisfied, "Yes."


    The women in my life gang up on me. Incoherent thoughts about Patronage tumbled through my head. Aren''t I supposed to be the one in charge?


    Tell me about it.


    I don''t know why, but Loki''s wry commiseration struck me as so absurd it was all I could do to make sure the dirty diaper stayed on the desk and Isnomi didn''t as I collapsed to the padded floor laughing. Thoughts of how blatantly insane my life had gotten mixed with the fact that I now lived in a padded room, leaving me cackling so hard I couldn''t speak. Isnomi interspersing baby giggles with shouting "Ma! Ma! Ba! Ba!" and slapping my tits like you''d do to a malfunctioning vending machine didn''t help either. Saffron managed to avoid rolling off the bed, but couldn''t help but curl up laughing at the pair of us, and even Marie had snorts slipping through her ''I am in complete control of my actions at all times'' face as she got her work clothes on.


    Eventually I managed to calm down enough to pounce on Isnomi, raspberry her belly until she started hiccupping from giggle overload, then scoop her up, scuttle over to the bed, roll Saffron more or less onto her back, and plonk Isnomi down on a tit so I could get dressed.


    Surprised the little menace didn''t give me a thumbs up or something.


    Once I''d gotten dressed, doing my best to get things Just So instead of making Saffron dress me, no matter how much I enjoyed it, I took Isnomi from Saffron so she could get dressed. After letting out a massive belch for such a tiny body when I did a little post-nursing-burping, she toddle-crawl-wrestled her way around to standing on my thighs while she ''fixed'' my collar. By the time Saffron was Just So, I most definitely Wasn''t, so I got to have Saffron fix me up anyhow, while Isnomi rode my hip until Marie snatched her away for a day of Cart Surfing. Saffron and I stood in the door, arms around each other, watching Marie strut away while our little adventuress urged her rattling steed forward with slaps and cries of "Ca! Ca! Ca!"


    "Did you see that, Saff?"


    She looked up at me, one eyebrow up, half frowning. "See what?"


    "She''s got her first tooth!"


    Saffron''s frown deepened a little, "what are you on about? I didn''t notice anything, and I''ve been checking her incisors regularly. The bottoms are due soon."


    I shook my head. "Top canine. Her left." I held up my finger with it''s tiny blood splotch.


    Saffron frowned, pushing me out of our door and under the hall light on the wall next to it, squinting at the itty bitty wound. Finally one side of her mouth rose in an amused half-smile. She pulled my finger closer. "Aww. Poor baby. Mama will kiss it better." She proceeded to do so, although before her lips left my finger she ran her tongue across the wound. I twitched a little at the unexpected sensation, and she straight up sucked my whole finger into her mouth. As I may have noted once long ago, my Saffron has an impressively skillful tongue. I leaned my head back onto the wall, trying to be good. Just as I decided to fuck that idea and show up to class never, Saffron pulled the door shut and spun me around to face the hallway, her arm firmly clamped around mine. "Time for breakfast, let''s go!"


    You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.


    As she led me down the hallway, prim and proper in every way, she quietly said, "that''s what you get for calling me that when we''re both already dressed and have class all day."


    "Aww, Saffie-kins, weren''t you the one who showed me just how fun anticipation can be on Friday?"


    She looked up at me, batted her lashes and said, "we''ll definitely find out about that."


    Thus began a day long battle of teasing and innuendo. Breakfast. Lunch. Dinner. Afternoon Combat Training started with the two of us doing some really less than optimal wrestling before Larry ruined it by complaining about the "Bag bitches in heat".


    I challenged him to a sparring match. He refused. Then Saffron challenged him. He refused her, too. Lachlan, who showed up to fill in for Marshall duBois again, told him to pick one of us or run laps for the day. I think he was a little aghast that his little brother hadn''t just lost to us, but lost bad enough that he couldn''t help but telegraph his fear at facing either of us again. Larry decided I was the scarier of the two of us, so he chose Saffron.


    The match was, put simply, very not pretty. Larry managed to wrangle getting ''no shaping'' onto the ROE in exchange for adding ''no weapons'', which Saffron hadn''t asked for, but whatever. Larry the Loser Lancaster might be an asshole and sort of short for a guy, but he still had a full head of height on Saffron, and I realized watching them that he had way more limb-to-body than Saffron, giving him an enormous reach advantage. He''s stronger and not meaningfully slower than her, too.


    She mostly stayed out of his reach, goading him into doing stupid stuff like his lunging charge at me from our first bout. He leaned on his reach and strength advantage, landing a couple shots to her face and half a dozen body shots, at least three right to the chest. Even if Lancaster didn''t get why she reacted so strongly, I winced in unison each time. For her part, every time he stuck something out, she did her dead level best to cut it off. He lunged into a hard right jab to her face, and even though she ducked to the side he still managed a glancing blow to her right cheek and the side of her head. She brought her arms up and stepped forward as he pulled back, managing to catch his arm and twist it around so his elbow pointed to the sky. He scrabbled at the back of her neck and pulled her head forward, ramming his forehead into her face, her nose breaking with a crunch and splatter of blood. She swayed back, then tumbled forward, never letting go of his wrist, twisting his arm further until she managed to wrap one leg around it and flex, hard. Everyone in the courtyard heard his elbow pop as it bent the wrong way. He screamed and grabbed at her, getting a handful of pants and jacket just as she slammed her other foot straight into his crotch, hard.


    Credit where it''s due, he didn''t waste that tiny window between testicular impact and total systemic pain overload. He lifted her up over his head, leapt, and twisted to drive her headfirst into the stone.


    She never quite hit. As her forehead approached the stone, they slowed, almost like somebody trying to push through a Filtration Ward, until they both kinda came to a halt and Lachlan grabbed each of them by the seat of the pants and pulled them apart.


    I stepped forward and took Saffron from him; he gave me some side-eye for stepping into the ring, but handed her over. Before I even spun her back upright I pumped some Mana into a Heal Injury and poured it into her. Still blinking bright gold when I set her on her feet, she blew a mix of blood and snot out of each nostril, scuffing the still slightly glowing mix with her boot until it blended into the stone.


    Lachlan stepped over to me, Larry still dangling, swearing and scrabbling to get free. "Settle down, little brother. The fight''s over. I''m calling it in your favor." Larry gave up most of his struggling as Lachlan muttered, "even though I probably shouldn''t." He looked at me and said, "you can Shape Heal Injury?"


    I shrugged, "seemed like a good idea, what with what happened on the Equinox and all." He held Larry out toward me, still dangling him by the seat of his pants. For his part, Larry refused to look at me. I laid a hand on his back and dumped a bunch of Mana into a Heal Injury. After the subsequent light show, Lachlan hefted him onto his feet, then turned back to me.


    "What happened on the Equinox anyhow? I heard from some folks down at the temples that night that some woman in a scandalous red dress and a Maid from the Academy attacked the Moon Temple. Killed a couple people, stole a sacrifice, scared the shit out of pretty much everyone in the Temple."


    I pulled Saffron over to me, the memory of my rage and terror at losing Isnomi that night unpleasant at the best of times. I needed to feel her next to me, tucked under my arm. "You don''t know?"


    Lachlan shrugged and chuckled a little. "I wasn''t there; those of us in the city spent the Equinox at our townhouse across the Schuylkill."


    "Ooh. Swanky." What can I say, the reminder that even with our little slice of Academy heaven, we still lived like peasants compared to the high and mighty Lancasters made me snarky.


    If he noticed my snark, he didn''t bother to acknowledge it. Instead he shrugged again and said, "it''s nothing next to a proper Equinox at Lancaster House, but with father at Lancaster House, I''m expected to lead things at the townhouse."


    "Sounds rough."


    "It''s what you do as the Lancaster everyone expects to be next Head of House." He tossed his head and shrugged. "What about you, though. Were you there?"


    I smiled, a tight, thin lipped thing. "Yeah. Saw the whole thing."


    That got his attention. "Really? Do tell!" He stopped himself, holding up a hand, "unless you''ve been sworn to secrecy. I heard something about the High Priestess of Mani swearing Mani and Diana''s congregations to secrecy."


    That got a real smile. "Don''t you think it''s weird that Mani''s High Priestess wound up wrangling Artemis'' followers?"


    That got me a weird look, followed by a quick glance around like he expected Consequences from On High. Once he realized I wouldn''t soon be a smudge on the pavers, he said, "that did seem a little odd. Do you have any information on that?"


    That real smile slid into an absolute predator grin when I said, "do I ever. The former High Priestess of Artemis came down with a serious case of Dead after kidnapping the Champion of Loki''s daughter, who happens to be the Goddaughter of one of the Academy''s Maids."


    Well done, Champion. Just enough truth that he might eventually convince himself of any number of lies.


    Lachlan let out a low whistle. "That does explain the Maid. I didn''t even know Loki had a Champion. Honestly, most people think he''s dead."


    "Not you, though?"


    He shrugged again, that offhand acknowledgement that of course he had special access to some information. "My father''s the High Priest of Wotan in Phileo City. According to him, Loki remains bound."


    Good info to have. I figured I might as well throw him a bone in exchange. "Yeah, he''s alive, and The Dress is his Champion''s holy attire."


    He nodded, a firm acknowledgement that Things Were As They Should Be. Then totally ruined it by saying, "good to know one of our Dan Gods taught that Bag Goddess her place in the scheme of things."


    Fuck it. I leaned in as if sharing a big secret, and whispered, "don''t tell anybody, but I''ve got it on good authority that Loki''s High Priestess is at the Academy." I hugged Saffron to me, just to feel her there.


    Lachlan may be many things, but immune to someone playing to his preconceptions isn''t one of them. He did that fucking self-satisfied nod again and declaimed, "good to know that the Bag are finally coming to their senses about which Gods ought have their Devotion."


    I felt Saffron tense against me, but when I glanced down saw nothing but a demure lowering of her eyes as she said, "we certainly do now."


    Champion?


    Yes, Loki?


    You''ll protect me if she decides the world would be a better place without me, right?


    I couldn''t help it. I started laughing, nuzzling Saffron''s hair a little before saying, "My Saffie-kins knows far better than me who deserves what. She''ll make all the right decisions."


    Loki thought, that statement does not leave me completely sanguine, at me.


    Saffron''s voice interwove in my head with his. I absolutely know who deserves to be reminded of what my name is and isn''t.


    I replied to both of them, quieting Loki with the same thought that confused Saffron. Frankly I think she deals with confusion better than he does, because by the end of my thought, her confusion melted into amusement. It''s okay, Loki. Saffron knows you''re family. The worst she''ll do is go all Mom Voice on you if you''re naughty.


    The only reply from him was a gradually quieting splutter. Saffron and I went back to the wrestling we''d been practicing before, this time with Lachlan standing near enough to keep Larry from being uncivil. Of course, no Lancaster could watch two Bag hotties wrestling without leering, but fuckit, if I ever have to throw down with him, might as well let him think wrestling with me is a good move.


    After Dinner we headed back to our room, only to find Marie there with her bath implements, sans Isnomi. Before we could even ask, she looked at us and said, "Grandma."


    Really, I should have known not to get into any kind of competition with Saffron where brains could be applied. She won our little anticipation contest, hands down. While I floated on the bed in post bath bliss, she looked me right in the eye and said, "Marie, have your way with me."


    Really mean with me in no condition to do a damn thing about it.


    Fuck. I think I''m getting almost as smug about my sex life as the Lancasters are about, y''know, everything.


    Oh, no! Anyway...

 Day Ninety Nine

    Dear Diary,


    Today''s Devotional day wound up being a little weird. Since I''d gone to visit last week, Lyman showed up today. He didn''t wake us though.


    Last night I dreamt of lying there staring at the stars again. In that weird kind of dream logic, I knew my mother lay out there, between and beyond them. I pondered that, looking for her, psychedelic tadpoles nibbling at the bits of me in the water, until I woke up.


    I lay there between Saffron and Marie, although that''s a little misleading, since Marie had wrapped herself all the way around both of us, doing that croissant shape cats will do, completing our Marie perimeter with her tail hooked around down by our feet. Somebody pounded on our door, and the moment I realized it was neither of the two people who normally knock on the door, and Lyman normally managed to make his knock sound snarky somehow, I jumped to my feet. Saffron wouldn''t be fully operational for like sixty seconds, and I already felt the subsonic rumble of Marie''s annoyance; I didn''t know if a Maid would get in trouble for getting annoyed, killing somebody, and dropping them in the stew, but I really didn''t want to find out.


    I have to eat the stuff she cooks, and what if it was Lancaster knocking. Ew.


    Still, managed to hurdle the baby fence without faceplanting, and pulled the door open just enough to see through. The moment I did Grandma Aetos pushed her way into the room, making me stumble backward, trip over the baby fence, and land flat on my ass on Marie''s tail. Both of us must have gotten the same kind of surprised annoyed slightly pained look at the same time, because Isnomi giggle-crowed at us. "Ma! Ma Ma!"


    For her part, Grandma took one look at the room and all of us tangled up in the middle of it, rolled her eyes, stepped into the room, and closed the door behind her. "This one woke me up wanting her mama."


    I looked up at her from my undignified position on the floor and asked, "hasn''t Saffron been pumping?"


    She glanced down at me, then looked at Saffron, who''d come awake quick when she heard Isnomi, and said, "I see why you like this one now. More tits than brains."


    "MA!" Saffron shouted just as I blurted out, "hey!"


    Grandma cackled. I don''t know how old she actually is, but she''s got enough Crone Points to get a good solid cackle on. In between the worst of the cackley bits, which Isnomi of course started imitating, she said, "she didn''t want food, she wanted mama." She got to the baby fence and leaned forward a little, holding Isnomi out to me. Before I could do more than crunch a little to get my arms out in front of me, the little maniac planted her feet on Grandma''s chest and leapt out of her arms, going full on flying squirrel at me. Arms and legs splayed out, shrieking with glee, utterly without the slightest doubt that one of us would catch her.


    I managed to get my hands around her with my arms straight in front of me, and rolled backward as I pulled her to me, trying to keep her from slamming any part of her into me too hard. Grandma gasped as four white, furry fingers slid in between our faces, cushioning our meeting of the minds just a little more. The moment after Isnomi and I hit the padded floor, Marie slid her fingers back out from between us, giving me a six inch view of the crotch goblin blinking, shaking her head like she needed to rattle her brains back into place, then crowing and flopping herself around to crawl pell-mell towards the baby fence and Grandma standing just beyond it.


    For her part, Grandma shuddered a little as she glanced surreptitiously at Marie, then clucked at Saffron and I. "You spoil her."


    I knew the answer to this one. "Like you do. She''s a kid. They''re for spoiling as much as you can." After three months of duBois, I could kip up with the best of them on a hard surface, but the fluffy footing of our padded cell made it just plain easier to roll over and push myself up to my knees before standing. As I did, I stretched away the last of the night''s sleepiness away.


    Right as I got about halfway through that, my arms stretched in front of me, my butt sticking up in the air, Grandma replied with, "more ass than brains too."


    That got another, "MA!" out of Saffron, but I just uncoiled to my feet, turning to face her, noticing as I did that Isnomi had given up on reaching over the fence to get Grandma, and was hand-over-handing her way down the fence toward the bed.


    "At least Saffron likes me," I grumped at her. She showed me the likely source of that grin of Saffron''s, reaching one hand out to pat me on the cheek. "Didn''t say I don''t like you." Then she managed to reach up just enough to ruffle the front of my hair. "If you had more brains than tits or ass you''d know that." Then she turned and left, still chuckling, as I stood there gaping.


    "Did... did your Grandmother just call me a bimbo?"


    Saffron used me like a ladder to pull herself to her feet, gratuitously groping my ass and tits while she did. "It''s okay, love. It''s what I think that matters, right?"


    I turned around, shrugging, pulling her to me. "Yeah, you''re right."


    She nodded. "Of course I am. You''re not just a bimbo, you''re a magnificent trophy wife."


    I spun away, histrionically waving my hands in the air as I ranted around the room, careful not to step on Marie, who still lounged on the floor, trying to hide her amusement. "Abuse! Abuse from every side!"


    Right then Isnomi decided I was just close enough, and launched herself off the bed, aimed vaguely in my direction. Despite my sudden lunge to catch her, she''d only started maybe eighteen inches off the floor, and while she had some surprising power in her chubby little baby thighs, they were still, as noted, chubby little baby thighs. She managed a full on faceplant slash belly flop into the padding on the floor. I bent over double to get my hands around her and pick her up; the moment her face cleared the padding, she squealed wildly, flapping her arms and legs, screaming, "Geh! Geh! Fa! Fa!"


    I dunno, maybe my Blend kicked in and translated, because I held her up so she faced me from about eighteen inches and replied, "No, Isnomi, you cannot fly. You are not a bird."


    She folded her little chubby arms across her chest, stuck her bottom lip out, and filled her diaper. Then she pouted, "Buh! Buh!"


    "No, you are not a bird. Birds don''t wear diapers."


    The precocious little smart ass''s next move, obviously, was to reach for her diaper. I nipped that in the bud, zooming her around the room so she stuck her arms and legs out, interspersing "Buh! Buh! Mama! Mama! Buh!" with shrieks of joy that must have straight up killed every bat in Phileo. Seriously, I think my ears might have bled at one point. Certainly liquefied any wax in there when she ranged up above twenty thousand hertz. When the scent of whatever she''d filled her diaper with trickled into the air, I brought her in for a landing on the desk and got to changing her. She helped with getting the diaper off and, wonder of wonders, didn''t make a grab for the contents. Once I got her cleaned up, though, she did her dead level best to keep me from putting the new one on.


    After like a solid minute of that, I realized I in no way had the Mad Mom Skillz to do Secret Mom Technique: Diaper Origami with one hand, so I twisted her around to sit there on her diaper, sat down on the chair and looked her right in the eyes. "You, little miss, will be wearing a diaper until you are potty trained. Got it?"


    Rugrat gave me a look that said, "what the fuck you mean, ''potty trained''?"


    "Until you prove to our satisfaction," I nodded to Marie and Saffron, "that you can, will, and do use the potty when you need to go, you are wearing diapers."


    I swear, Saffron must have found the perfect genes to complement her own dizzying intellect, because the little menace just tilted her head and said, "Pah? Dah? Pada?"


    I turned to Saffron, "where did the chamber pot go, anyhow?"


    She looked up from where she''d been adjusting her clothes; I don''t know where she''d gotten them, but she had a really nice, flowing, knee length dark gray skirt, and she''d paired it with a lighter gray blouse in some silky material, with a cardigan that matched the skirt. "Check your feet, Goof."


    I looked under the desk and there it was. I held one finger right in front of the diminutive daredevil''s face and said, "stay," then leaned down and picked up the pot. It had a snug fitting lid, and I didn''t mess with it as I lifted the whole thing up onto the desk next to Isnomi, pointed to it, and said, "chamber pot. Pot. Potty."


    She wrinkled her nose a little. "Pah?"


    I picked up her dirty diaper, poked it with a finger and said, "Poo." Then I poked the chamber pot and said, "potty. Poo goes in the potty." I got some kind of bright idea that I''d put the dirty diaper in the chamber pot, but when I slid the lid out of the pot, the distinctive odor of a used chamber pot assailed my nostrils. I slid it closed again, repeating, "poo goes in the potty."


    She wrinkled her nose a lot, then sighed and flopped back down on the desk, arms over her head in resignation. I finished putting her diaper on. While I did, over my shoulder I asked, "why exactly doesn''t the Academy have indoor plumbing?"


    She shrugged as she walked over to take possession of Isnomi, proving her wisdom in her choice of attire when she pulled the cardigan and blouse open to dispense rugrat breakfast. "The stated reason is getting the ''soft'' Cadets ready to ''rough it'', but like Angel said, most of the kids from the Yards are used to outhouses anyway." She paused, thoughtful. "I think Bill''s family has indoor plumbing. They paid for most of our tutors."


    "I thought you said you split the cost?"


    She shrugged again, "technically, yes, but most of us worked for his parents to earn the money that we then dumped into the pile to hire our tutors."


    "What do his parents do, anyway?" I asked as I pulled my pants over my shirt. I wasn''t feeling my civvy clothes or The Dress today, so I''d wound up going for my good uniform.


    She got that kind of soft, faraway grin that people get when thinking about memories that aren''t ecstatic, and frankly are of things that weren''t fun when they happened, but in retrospect seem easy, or simple, or just some stable kind of nice. "They run a restaurant down near the docks. Used to be a stable, they converted it. It''s mostly kitchen now."


    I snorted, "yep, definitely not the Camden I grew up in. Nobody in Camden gets that dreamy look over food service."


    She flashed me a grin and said, "you''d have loved it up until they fired you in self defense."


    I looked up from buttoning my jacket. "Hey! I could do food service if I wanted!"


    She chuckled at that, and Isnomi echoed her without ever detaching from the tit. "I''m sure you could, love, but those of us working there got two free meals a day. Three, if we got there soon enough."


    I bowed my head in defeat, finishing up my buttons as I said, "yeah, I get it now. I never thought about how much my grocery bill would be."


    "Aw, don''t be sad. The Academy has the budget to feed you, don''t ever let them make you think they don''t."


    At that point Lyman knocked, and I let him in. "What''s on the schedule for today, Boss?"


    He shrugged. "It''s been a while since we''ve just, as you say, hung out and vibed. My day is yours." He bowed to the room, even Marie where she''d just finished putting herself together.


    Saffron closed herself up and held Isnomi out to Marie, who took her and nuzzled her. "Did you want to take her today?"


    Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.


    Marie sighed. "Can''t."


    Before she could hand her back, Saffron stood, smoothing her skirts while she said, "our first stop today is Jon; did you want to give her a ride down there?"


    Marie''s eyes went absolutely round as she growled, "Yes!" She swooped the daredevil around the room, eventually bringing her in for a landing on her cart, where Isnomi sat slapping the front of the cart shouting, "Ca! Ca!" Marie rolled out past Lyman, and we followed along behind her.


    I''d never really thought about it before, because the Maids all maintain a kind of smooth, calm pace as they trundle around the Academy, but a seven foot tall woman ''striding briskly'' is fast as fuck. Lyman and I wound up jogging to keep up, and Saffron had to choose between running or getting left behind.


    The entire way to the North stairs, which is what I''d finally realized the ''really back'' stairs, the ones furthest from the entrance, were called, Isnomi stretched her arms out, shrieking, "Fafa! Fafa!", even leaning into the turn when Marie took it without slowing. I''d never had much use for the North stairs, since if I wanted to get to the Infirmary while avoiding Trease I''d just take the East stairs. I just now noticed that the two center doors into the North stairs had no jamb in between them, and swung open when the front of Marie''s cart hit them. Isnomi''s shrieking climbed into the ''death to bats'' range and my sphincter clamped down hard enough to produce strange matter normally only found in singularities when, without slowing, Marie pushed her cart straight onto the ramp that took up the outer quarter of the North stairwell.


    Flight after flight, with Lyman and I leaping down two or three steps at a time in chase, Marie slid her cart down the ramps at just shy of breakneck speeds, the psychotic little gremlin doing her best impression of a Rolls Royce hood ornament the entire way. Somewhere a couple flights down, Isnomi didn''t lean quite far enough on a turn, but before she could do more than bobble a little Marie had her fingers bracing the little one up, two fingers alongside her head, two more on her side. Our tiny adrenaline junkie slapped her hands away, shooting a look over her shoulder before shrieking, "FA!" at the top of her little lungs.


    When we finally hit the basement, I was glad I wasn''t the cat I sometimes reminded myself of, because that shit would have cost like sixteen lives from stress alone.


    The rugrat loved it, slapping at the front of the cart and hollering, "Fafa! Fafa!" again. Marie obliged, feeling comfortable enough here in her domain beneath the Academy that she moved into that kind of skipping run older kids will do sometimes with a shopping cart. Isnomi wound up leaning forward at that point, because I''m pretty sure she''d have fallen over backward from acceleration and wind if she hadn''t. I caught glimpses of Maids glancing up from their work in the laundry and kitchen, feline grins stretching their features.


    Lyman and I wound up sprinting to keep up. "Is this your daughter''s normal daily routine?"


    "Fuck if I know, but prolly."


    "I thought you liked your little one."


    At that point Marie slipped her cart through the door to the forge and planted her feet, rapidly sliding to a stop. Isnomi tumbled off the front of the cart into Marie''s waiting claws. I turned to my Patron and said, "I''m pretty sure she''d leave the whole Academy a smoking ruin before she let the little maniac wind up hurt or disappointed."


    He pursed his lips, nodded to me, and replied, "fair point. I suppose if they kept Dionysus safe despite the best efforts of Zeus and his kin, they''ll certainly do the same for her."


    Saffron just looked at the four of us, shaking her head and saying, "what took you so long?"


    "Fuck, did you get duBois to show you that trick he does?"


    "What trick?" She faked a frown at me and said, "did you Just Happen to him too now?" When I''d spluttered a little, she shook her head mock sadly and said, "those of us who know our cardinal directions know the smithy is in the Southwest end of the building, and don''t go all the way to the North stairs."


    I facepalmed, asking, "so that''s why you''re just a little bit flushed?"


    "Ah. Yes. Let''s go with that then."


    I looked up just in time for her to hand Isnomi over to me. I handed her off to Lyman so I could properly plant my hands on my hips and say, "Oh, no. Out with it. Is there something you need to tell me about Jon now?"


    She blushed a little, but primly replied, "not every act of creation is a sexual one." After just long enough to catch me opening my mouth to reply, she cut in with, "although given your propensities, you might well wind up making us both Just Happen to him after you see what he''s made."


    That got my full attention. "It''s done?"


    She bit her lip and nodded.


    "Well? Where is it? I wanna see!"


    She hopped over and stood protectively in front of a enameled black case, shaking her head. "Go get a couple target dummies and meet me out back."


    "Like, at the delivery docks?"


    She rolled her eyes, "No, on that big open area behind them."


    "And what am I to do today?" Lyman asked.


    Saffron stepped away from the case, warning me away and shooing me off with one finger before curtseying to Loki. "I would be deeply honored if you could stand in for Marie today, as she cannot come with us." When she straightened, she looked at him with a twinkle in her eye, one hand reaching behind her to caress the case. "If you ask nicely I''ll let you try a few shots, too." While Lyman stood there chuckling and effortlessly keeping the menace occupied and contained with one arm, she pointed at me, then the nearest steps. "Dummy! Go get Dummies!"


    What else could I do? I bolted for the stairs.


    You know, I half think you''re worshipping that thing.


    I would assure you it is purely physical, and I''ll certainly share, but I''m not really sure about either of those.


    Hey!


    Somehow my little ballistics fetishist managed to send my brain a giggle. Oh, you know I''m kidding. I share everything with you.


    Oh, but no reassurances you''re not worshipping a graven idol now?


    I made no vow of exclusivity. You will always be my Patron, but now and again I will give others their fair due.


    What, are you gonna worship Vulcan now?


    Again, she managed to push a moue of curiosity through our link. Who? Wait, did you decide to name my crossbow before I could even fire him?


    I rolled my eyes. Vulcan? God of the forge, and machinery, and tinkerers? Wait, he was one of those with another name. Heff... Heffner? Heffalump? I cudgeled my brain as I spat out humorous sound-alikes until some bit in the back of my skull decided to obey. Hephaestus! That''s it. Hephaestus, Lord of the Forge, Aphrodite''s husband, God of cuckolds?


    All the humor drained from Saffron''s mental voice when she replied. Aphrodite''s husband is Ares. There is no God of the Forge among the Greeks. She paused. I know Hera had a child. Not Zeus''. He smothered it in its cradle. Crushed its head. While Ares and Athena held her and forced her to watch.


    By this point, I''d managed to snag three target dummies, ignoring Lachlan''s shouted questions, and head down the steps a flight at a time. I didn''t break walls or anything; I wanted to get outside fast, but it wasn''t an emergency or anything.


    I''m sorry, love. I did my best to send her a grin, one that contained only the darkest sort of humor as I thought, so, do you think Vulcan has the range to give Zeus a Prince Albert?


    As I jogged up to where she and Loki stood at the top of the long, low slope behind the Academy, she said, "a what?"


    I shot her an image of the piercing and said, "I guess it''d really be more of a really aggressive sounding," then shot her an image of that kink that had been seared into my brain by the internet.


    She smiled, the smile melting into the same grin she''d shown me last week, all grown up and ready for an NC 17 rated coming out party. She took off her cardigan, lay it on the ground, and lay the enameled black case atop it, leaning down and breathing, "Vulcan," into the gap as she cracked it open.


    I swear, I''m not an ammosexual or anything, but my first look at Vulcan even made my nonexistent panties a little damp. Gleaming black enamel covered the stock, that very gleam the only thing making it visible in the matte black velvet cradling it in the case. The bow itself gleamed, oil lending the polished steel the faintest liquid sheen. The coil of braided wire in one corner of the case put the same kind of shiver up my spine into the back of my brain that a snake might, and only after taking all of those in did I even notice the faint gleam of enameled bolts nestling in the velvet, surrounding the stock, too many and too deeply buried to easily count.


    His own eyes locked to the beautiful engine of destruction in the case, Loki held out one hand, waving me to him. "Champion," he whispered, "the targets, please." We traded rugrat for dummies, and he disappeared, suddenly at three spots down the hill, then standing next to us once more.


    Saffron grinned up at him. "I appreciate your assistance, Lord, but you''ve misplaced the middle one." When he just looked at her quizzically, she leaned toward him and said, "it belongs twice as far from the outer one as we are from it." He blinked, his eyes going wide as he realized she wasn''t joking in the slightest. A moment of him gone, and he returned. I looked down the range, realizing with a start that the third dummy stood so far away it took me a little bit just to find it in the distance.


    I looked down at my tiny terror of a wife. "Really?"


    The only answer she gave? That little sister of the Grin of Panty Obliteration, all grown up and proud of breaking the fucking overstuffed leather couch. She reached down into the case and lifted Vulcan free, having to brace herself a little to do so. The cord, one of three in the case, slipped over the bow with barely enough slack to connect it to another cord that led down into the thickest part of the stock. That done, she set the enameled black stirrup under the bow atop an exposed bit of her cardigan, braced her foot in it, and worked a lever that had lurked seamlessly against the side of the stock. The first few pumps pulled the cord tight; after that it took progressively more effort on her part, but with each work of the lever the bow bent an ever tinier fraction back. After maybe a dozen pumps, she slid the lever flush, ratcheted something along it, and started pumping again. Now that I listened, I could make out the faintest clickety clickety sound of something deep in the belly of the stock ratcheting. She repeated the whole process twice more, then pushed the lever flush and reverently lifted one of the bolts free of Vulcan''s case.


    She froze, bolt in hand. "What''s wrong?" I asked.


    "I don''t want to lose it."


    Loki straight up lost his shit laughing at that. He reached out and asked, "if I may?" When she nodded, he touched the bolt; it and all the others in the case took on a deep electric blue glow. "That will last well into the night, and while it appears faint now, it should show up in the dark," he glanced downrange, "or even underwater, come to think of it."


    I looked myself. "You gotta be fuckin'' with me, Boss."


    He simply waved a hand to Saffron, who eagerly slotted a bolt into Vulcan, went to one knee, and took careful aim at the nearest dummy, which stood about fifty feet away. She did something with one finger under the stock. Vulcan thrummed, and the bolt dis-a-fucking-peared. I couldn''t twist my neck fast enough to track it; by the time I got my eyes on the closest dummy? It wasn''t fucking there any more. The stand that had held it up tumbled end over end, a still expanding conical cloud of hay marked its former position, and the remains of the wood and cloth ''body'' of the dummy lay at the end of the third of three furrows it had plowed as it flew backward, bouncing as it went. I could just make out an electric blue gleam coming from under the cloth.


    "Holy fuckballs. God dayum. Cheese and Rice." What? I don''t need yet another god getting pissed at me for no good reason. "Did... did you know it was going to do that?" Saffron blew out a shuddering breath. I recognized that shudder, and barked out a laugh. "That good, huh?" She just meeped and nodded her head, pulling Vulcan''s butt under her shoulder and snuggling the stock while she knelt there purring at it.


    Loki knelt next to her. I had no idea if he faked the reverence in his voice or not, but he asked, "May I?" and held out both hands, palms up.


    The faintest of hisses escaped her mouth as she snuggled Vulcan fiercely, whispering, "mine!" once before laughing. She held Vulcan out to him, but held on to it, turning pleading eyes on Loki. "Don''t hurt him?"


    He didn''t fake the look of shock on his face when he said, "I would never harm such a work of art. I swear it on my own Divinity." He bowed his head, and Saffron gently placed Vulcan in his hands. He proceeded to examine it, quickly and professionally examining every visible surface, even peering into the workings as much as he could without disturbing the openings in any way. With every new look, the serene smile on his face deepened, until finally, after sighting down the stock toward the distant dot of the third dummy, he pulled the stock into the crook of his right arm, running his left palm across the bow, then down the stock, breathing out, "Vulcan," as he did.


    I swear to fuckin'' god, the damn crossbow gleamed harder at him.


    Of course it did. Works of Art appreciate appreciation.


    He looked at Saffron. "Do you really think you can hit that third target?"


    She frowned up at him. "He can make the shot."


    Loki grinned. "Oh, I know he can. I asked if you can."


    Her pout is so fuckin'' cute. "Probably not."


    "May I?"


    She kept pouting, but held out a bolt for him to take. He placed the stirrup on the toe of his own boot, then slipped his other boot toe into it to brace Vulcan as he worked the lever. After the fourth cycle, she looked away from the target, frowning as she said, "careful, he''s..."


    "Trust, oh Beloved of my Champion." Saffron gulped, then turned to stare at the third target.


    I''d learned my lesson the first time and kept my eyes on it. Vulcan thrummed, and less than a second later the dummy flew backward, trailing hay as it bounced once, twice, then plonked right into the shallows of the Schuylkill. "Fuck, I''m gonna have to go fetch that one, ain''t I?"


    "If you would, please, Champion."


    "Only if you promise I get the third shot."


    Loki smiled at me, the expression eerily similar to Saffron''s. "Oh, certainly, Champion. I think I''ll need a moment anyhow."


    I rolled my eyes at the two of them, then trotted off to collect Vulcan''s bolts. I didn''t bother with the first dummy; nothing but scraps remained. The second one I had to bring back; Vulcan''s bolt had lodged halfway through it, and I couldn''t pull the fucker free.


    Of course, when I took my turn I had to give in to my inner jackass and try hitting the one a couple hundred feet away. We lost that bolt. Okay, we didn''t lose it. We knew exactly where it was, but one of the maintenance guys needed to come out with a hatchet to get it out of the tree at some future date. I swear Vulcan just radiated smugness, with just the faintest unrepentant ''oops, wrong hole'' energy laced through it.


    Saffron, because she is, unlike me, not an idiot, pulled the dummy in to about a hundred feet away before taking her second shot. That wound up being the last one of the day, since that left us with one semi-functional dummy, and the only one of us who might be able to not accidentally hit the bolt that still stuck out of it was Loki, who declined our offer to let him. "I''ll be explaining myself enough today, doing something a second time is much harder to pass off as an unintentional mistake."


    Funniest thing of all? The dramatically pissed off look on Isnomi''s face when we wouldn''t let her and Vulcan within a dozen feet of each other. When Saffron lay him and his one recovered bolt back in his case, reverently closing the cover, the tyke screamed out an absolutely heartbreaking "Vaaaaaaa!", then turned the worlds most put out pouty face to me and filled her damn diaper.

 Day One Hundred

    Dear Diary,


    I hadn''t really thought about the incidental weirdness of being a High Priestess before today.


    So apparently my new brain is made of acetylcholine receptors. Dreamt all night again. Definitely not a nightmare, although the whole ''itchy North side of the hill'' hit ''involuntary twitch'' a couple times through the night. Realized that along with the lakeside with the psychedelic tadpoles doing the lambada with my bits, there''s also a bit of water running underneath me. Not like, ''I''m soaked!'', more like ''if I had pants on, that''d look really bad when I stood up''. The rocky outcrop I''d kind of leaned back against ran around to the North a little, so when the itchy bits hit annoying a second time I scratched myself across that a little. No more relief than you''d expect, because scratching doesn''t remove itches most of the time, but it''s just what you do when you itch. Eventually settled down and relaxed, enjoying the feel of the sandy soil near the shore, totally not focusing on the psychedelic tadpoles. Got just tired enough to fall asleep...


    ...and woke up to playful baby giggles and Isnomi''s chubby little palms leaning on my eyes.


    I mean, she wasn''t trying to hurt me, but she hadn''t really gotten the whole ''touch the floor without leaning on it'' down yet.


    So I rolled with her whole giggling thing, saying, "oh, no! Where''s Isnomi?" in my best kid''s show heroine voice.


    She responded by whispering, "ah, na," then whipping her hands away from my eyes and shouting, "MA!" Somehow she''d managed to wriggle out of her diaper and get the damn thing on her head without unfolding it. Of course with her hands no longer bracing her, a second later she toppled forward, headbutting me right in the face. The bulky origami folding bore the brunt of the impact, but still a hell of a thing to wake up to.


    Then realization hit me, and I scooped her up, grabbed a clean diaper, and whomped it on the desk with her atop it all in one sweeping maneuver. She looked a little put out by that, her lips puckering up and trembling like she''d start crying any second, so I sighed, sat down on the chair in front of her, one hand stroking the top of her diapered head while the other scooped the chamber pot out from under the desk. "It''s okay, menace. Mommy''s not mad at you. Not really. You just startled me a little. Mommy didn''t hurt you, did she?" Her lip trembled a little more, she looked at her feet and her head shook the tiniest bit. "Did Mommy scare you?" That got her. The lip firmed up and she raised her head to look me in the eye, clearly pissed I''d even suggest she might be afraid. "There''s my girl." I beamed at her, and she gave me a nod, nearly bobbling herself into a forward somersault when she did. "Did Mommy not watch your new trick?"


    She waggled one hand at the bed. "Ma. Ma, ma. Mama!"


    I rolled my eyes at her, shaking my head the slightest bit. "Just a minute, baby. Before anything else, babies wear diapers covering their crotch until they show us they''re potty trained."


    She pouted again, folding her little pudgy baby arms. When I reached for her improvised headgear, she slapped at my hands, so I backed away. "Okay then. You''re still getting one on the messy end before you leave this desk though."


    Itty bitty baby sigh, followed by her flopping backwards, giggling when her poofy helmet whumped onto the hard surface of the desk. Despite my worst fears, she showed no signs of having used her diaper before repositioning it. I lifted her back to a seated position, then looked her solemnly in the eye and said, "I promise, I''ll put it back, I just need to check something." She gave me the stink eye the whole time, but sat there with her little chubby arms folded while I pulled her diaper-helmet off, let out a sigh when it showed no signs of use, then carefully put it back on her head, tightening up the folds a little as I did. That done, I scooped her up, walked back to the bed, set her beside me and whispered, "okay then menace, what did you want to show me?"


    She giggled, then grapple-crawled her way around until she stood on my thighs, her back leaning against my tits. Wobbling like jello, she toddled forward, one foot on each of my thighs, her arms out to the sides waggling around for balance. I silently thanked duBois for weeks of ''hold still and be a good platform'' training. She got almost to my knees, then threw her arms into the air and flopped backwards. The diaper really did help soak up the impact of her reverse-headbutt to my crotch, so I just smiled down at her as she giggled up at me. "What a clever little menace you are!"


    She giggled again, squirming around until she knelt on my thighs facing me, her chubby little feet scrabbling for traction on my bare knees. Wobbling the whole time, she managed to push herself upright, standing there for a fraction of a second in with her arms in the air squeal-shouting, "da!" before toppling forward. Again, super glad of the extra padding at the front of the diaper-helmet as she once again headbutted me in the crotch.


    Still, I didn''t want to encourage that particular maneuver. She got just the tiniest bit bigger and more daring every day, and the last thing I needed was her figuring out how to get to the top of the armoire, loading herself into Vulcan, and launching herself headfirst at my lady-bits. I picked her up, my hands under her arms, made eye contact, and told her, "mommy''s crotch is not open for baby business. Stop trying to headbutt your way in, you little scamp." As she started to pout, I crossed my eyes and wrinkled my nose, saying, "no. No matter how cute you are, the answer is still no."


    At my acknowledgement of her cuteitude, she stopped pouting, but she flailed her chubby baby hands at my forearms, pushing them away. I looked at her and said, "no more crotch headbutts."


    She just rolled her eyes at me. When I let her go, she giggled at me, started to tip forward, and before I could reach up to stop her, launched herself backward off my knees, her bat-slaying giggle-shriek filling the room. She went headfirst into the super fluffy floor, landing not so much in a ''somersault'' as a ''tangled heap'' with constant muffled maniacal baby-giggles emanating from it.


    "Aw. So no little sister for our baby girl?" Saffron whispered into my ear as she draped herself over my back.


    I leaned back into her just a little, enjoying the feel of her warm against my back. "Don''t you remember Sister Siobhan''s little health ed lesson?"


    "Pfft. If Loki can mother a horse, I''m sure I can figure out a way to play the sire to your dam."


    "GAH! No horse cock in my vagina! What is with you Aetos women trying to put things in there that don''t belong?" I crossed my arms over my crotch, grabbing my opposite thighs to pull them shut. That got her. She tried to hold it in, but after a couple really interesting twitches, she toppled over sideways, absolutely laughing her ass off. Isnomi got back to the bed, crawling up the padded slope to slap her hands in front of her mom as she giggle-crowed, "ma! Ma! Bathppttt!"


    I chuckled, then stood up and went to get dressed, watching as Saffron finally calmed down enough to get a good look at Isnomi''s headgear. That set her off again, and Isnomi did another hands-in-the-air victory pose before tumbling backwards down the slope she''d climbed. By the time I finished getting dressed, the rugrat had clambered back up onto the bed and managed to finagle breakfast out of Saffron. I walked over and leaned in for a kiss. I intended a quick peck before I left, but she grabbed me by the collar and pulled me down for a nice, long, almost-sloppy kiss, which only ended when Isnomi came between us. Literally, as she pushed us away from each other and started ''fixing'' my collar. Saffron reached around her, gently taking hold of her hands and wrists, guiding her to actually putting things Just So. Once they had everything back where and how it should be, they patted my jacket lapels and Saffron said, "have a nice day, love."


    Before I could reply, Isnomi interrupted with a solemn, "ha ba da ma."


    So cute, I couldn''t even speak for a moment. I put my hands on Isnomi''s shoulders and gave her a quick kiss on her forehead, pushing the diaper helmet up out of the way for the moment, then did the same to Saffron. Except, y''know, without the pause to remove the diaper helmet, since I hadn''t driven her quite that insane yet. "You two as well. Love you." With that I headed out for my day.


    Nothing of note at meals today, although Raven actually bitched a bit about missing Isnomi. I replied with a cryptic, "wait until you meet Vulcan." She quietly stewed about that through the rest of breakfast, lunch, and dinner.


    Basic Mana Shaping continued to be mostly boring, although today we got to play with toys. Okay, ''Implements'' created by ''Artifice''. We started with the nigh-ubiquitous pens, then some mirrors with built-in Status. One of the new Cadets asked about Inspect, but Doc told them in no uncertain terms, "we in Phileo do not create Implements with Inspect; if you have not learned Inspect at Phileo Heroic as a Hero, or in an advanced class on Mana Shaping at one of the Universities on the west bank of the Schuylkill, you have no business knowing Inspect, let alone Shaping it."


    About an hour before lunch, a Senior Cadet came into the class and, after a brief quiet discussion with Doc Roberts, walked back to me. "You''ve got visitors."


    I looked to Doc. "You okay with me dealing with this now?"


    They shrugged, "you haven''t had a problem activating Implements since our first day of class. I''m sure you''ll be able to catch up quickly if they keep you through lunch."


    This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    I smirked and replied, "hey, if they keep me through lunch, I might just wind up eating them instead."


    As we left the classroom, the Senior Cadet, a young, vaguely soft looking woman whose nametag read ''Castro'', glanced at me and said, "you might want to be a little less flippant with your visitors."


    I may be stupid, but I''m not an idiot. Really. I can learn. "Who are they, anyway?"


    "Some worshippers of Loki. They''ve brought an infant with them. They first asked for the High Priestess of Loki, but when I spoke with your wife about it, she sent me to you?"


    I nodded. "If they''re looking for healing, I guess?" When she nodded in turn, I said, "I''m better with Heal Injury than she is."


    She escorted me the rest of the way to the Entrance in silence, turning into the Security / Guard office when we arrived. The Guards at the door waved me through. Outside, a small family had gathered at the top of the steps. Three kids in varying sizes between ''just past toddler'' to ''might be ready for High School'' stood around, while a middle aged guy knelt on the stone behind two women who sat on the top step. The older, graying one had her arms around the younger one, who held a bundle in her arms.


    When the kids saw me come out of the Academy and start toward them, they poked at the guy, who turned his head, then shuffled around so that when I arrived in front of him, he knelt in front of me. I watched his face as he tried to remain stoic, but after a moment he crumpled to the ground, hiding his tears by groveling, begging, "please, High Priestess."


    I looked down at the back of his head, deeply disturbed by his worshipful attitude as I watched a single runnel of tears leak toward the top step from beneath his face. I squatted down on my heels, laying a hand on his shoulder as I said, "I''m here. What do you need?"


    At the touch of my hand, he jerked like he''d touched a live wire, trying to push himself further into the stone as he recoiled without moving away from me. At that point I realized the younger woman had done exactly as he had, crawling up to prostate herself with her head about level with his chest, maybe a foot further from me. The kids, looking nearly as uncomfortable as I felt, started to copy their parents, but I waved my other hand at them and said, "Go play, kids." Thinking about my own little menace, I nodded to the park at the bottom of the steps and amended, "go play in the park there, but don''t go out of sight, and come back when your parents call for you." They didn''t even glance at the pair face down on the stone; they bolted. When I looked back to the prostrate couple the older woman had shuffled forward on her knees, holding a tiny bundle out to me.


    "We cannot return her to Diana. When Joseph took Loki as his Patron after you healed him, her Priestesses declared us anathema." She bowed her head as she stretched to hold the bundle in her hands close enough for me to reach easily. "Please. Take what sacrifice you must, but please..."


    I reached out with both hands and took the bundle from her hands. So tiny. I folded the fabric back. So pale. The baby within couldn''t be more than a week old, and probably premature at that. Not so much that she''d have been in danger at a decent hospital with competent doctors.


    The older woman had hit the pavement after I took the little girl, and now the dad pushed himself up just far enough to see the toes of my boots. "Please. Don''t let her wander?"


    I finally realized what they wanted. They hadn''t come expecting healing. Just a proper fuckin'' burial. Some part of me wondered how many tiny bundles they''d brought to the Temple of the Moon in the past. Without my conscious volition, Assess Health burned out of my cheek. Shock and hope raced through me when I saw <infant> Pesce''s General Health listed as ''Critical''. Then it flickered.


    Something in me snapped. I didn''t think. I just did.


    "No."


    I swear I didn''t shout, but the word echoed through the suddenly silent, dark, utterly still space around the steps. I looked down on the tiny child frozen in front of me, her soul frozen in the act of fluttering free of her tiny, failing mortal form.


    Maybe I couldn''t fix the whole fuckin'' world myself. I couldn''t save every kid who should have grown up to have a life, but instead, because of some fucked up cosmological fuckery, was doomed to die before they even got a goddamned name.


    But this? Here? In front of me?


    This would not fucking stand.


    I looked down at her, trying to think of something to do. There was no Injury to Heal. You don''t get much more Stable than Dead, and I didn''t think the little one''s body would survive the shock in any case. Maybe she''d gotten sick. Maybe she''d starved; her mom looked way fuckin'' thin under her shapeless clothes. Maybe she''d just fuckin'' died because she had the bad luck to have poor fuckin'' parents in the shithole of a world I''d wound up in.


    The more my thoughts raced in an echoing death spiral, the angrier I got. Whatever had snapped earlier reared up, echoes of my fury painting the wireframe world with splashes of every color of the rainbow all at once, ripples of my rage making the wires of the world vibrate. Again, I stopped thinking and just did.


    "Live."


    Color, motion, and sound raced back into the world. The pink skin of a newborn. The curl of limbs into fetal position in the sudden cold wind. The scream of an infant.


    I recognized that last one from my time with Isnomi. I shifted the little one to the crook of my right elbow, reached down with my left hand, and lifted Mama Pesce by her shoulder. She straightened, fear and wonder warring in her eyes, hope hiding lest it be squashed like it always was. Her eyes locked onto the squalling bundle in my hand, but she didn''t so much as move other than how I''d moved her. "Hold my arm," I told her, and she obeyed without thinking, her thin hands gripping my forearm. "Hold on tight, this might sting." Her tendons stood out more, but if her grip got stronger, I couldn''t feel it. I lifted my hand clear of her shoulder, whipped my fingers through the requisite cat''s cradle, then poured Mana into the Shape until white filled the air as much as darkness had earlier. For a moment I saw the world in reverse wireframe, and then I brought my hand down.


    The woman froze, spasming for an endless moment until she collapsed to the stone. Her hair, formerly lank and thinning, had already regained the luster you''d expect from the twenty something she looked like. As I watched her hands filled out from malnourished claws to actual fingers. I rolled her over, pulled her shirt down just enough to expose a breast expanding fast enough it surprised me the pain hadn''t woken her already, and plonked baby Pesce down on a tit. I nudged grandma Pesce with my other hand and said, "Watch them." When she scrambled to a spot where she could keep mama and baby from an inadvertent tumble down the Academy steps, I grabbed Joseph by the shoulder and lifted him bodily to his feet as I stood.


    "Why hasn''t she been eating?"


    The suddenness of the question goaded him into answering, "The river here, the fish, they aren''t good for eating. We''d sail to the coast and return with a catch, but the boat needs repairs, and the money you gave us..."


    "Just tell me. Now."


    "My brother Marcus decided the luck of Loki would save us. He gambled it away. Besides..."


    I shook his shoulder. "Besides what?"


    "The High Priestesses of Diana, they hold sway with the fishmongers. They would not buy our last catch."


    "Right." I growled, then grabbed his upper arm and towed him toward the doors, shooting a quick, "we''ll be back in a moment," over my shoulder.


    As we walked, I muttered, "Clever is good. Loki likes clever. Hard work is never bad, even if he might be a little allergic." I met Joseph''s eyes and my voice came out flat when I said, "fuck luck."


    His head nodded like a bobblehead as I pulled him through the doors, around the corner, and knocked on the Headmaster''s door. At his muffled, "come in," I pushed the door open and stepped inside. He watched me walk in and, once I''d closed the door, asked, "did you need something, Cadet Diaz?"


    "Yeah, sorry to interrupt your day, but how do I arrange for the Academy to buy Joseph''s catch?"


    Without a pause Headmaster Miles asked, "a few more details please, Cadet?"


    At his ''please'', tension I hadn''t known I was carrying drained away, since he wouldn''t bother with politeness if I''d asked something so outlandish it offended him. "Joseph here''s a fisherman. He''s having some problems with the local fishmongers, an economic continuation of the Holy War that was declared over a few weeks ago. What can I do to arrange it so the Academy buys his fish?"


    "You can do nothing but ask those whose responsibility it is to see to the feeding of our Cadets to see if there is room in the Academy budget for," he paused and turned to Joseph, "how much fish, how often?"


    Joseph might have been scared shitless as a poor as shit working dude talking to a goddamned Councilman, but like most folks who worked their ass off every day, he knew his job. "With good weather and good fishing, we can bring five tons three times a week. Once a week if the weather and fishing aren''t good."


    Headmaster Miles looked at the ceiling for a moment. "The Academy will pay half of what the fishmongers charge for fish. If the fish is spoilt or otherwise inedible, one tenth of half."


    The moment the Headmaster stopped speaking, Joseph said, "done," spat on his left hand, and held it out to the Headmaster.


    For his part, the Headmaster raised an eyebrow at me, but spat in his hand, reached out, and shook Joseph''s hand. Before he released the fisherman, the Headmaster said, "I''ll have an official contract drawn up for you to sign."


    Joseph nodded, "I''ll bring my brother Marcus." He looked to me, half apologetically, and said, "he''s the one of us with the schooling."


    I nodded, "just don''t let his dumb ass near the money again."


    He laughed. "I may not have gone to school, but I''m not dumb... enough to let him near money... again."


    The Headmaster read the right things into Joseph''s pauses and laughed as he released his hand. "See that you don''t."


    With that, he motioned us out, and we left. After I closed the office door, Joseph quietly said, "about our repairs?"


    I turned to him, standing close enough to hide my hands. "Can you and yours do the work?" When he nodded, I reached into my pocket with my purse and pulled out a fistful of coins, pressing them into his hands. "Will this cover your supplies?"


    He glanced down, then back up at me, nodding again. "We will pay you back when we bring in our first catch."


    I shook my head. "No. You pay it forward, to others getting fucked over by the fuckers down at the temples."


    A satisfied smile stretched lips unaccustomed to smiling as Joseph nodded again. "Yes. We can do that."


    I escorted him out the door only to find his kids crowded around their mom and little sister, each trying to outdo the others in getting the baby''s attention. When Mom saw me come out, she leapt to her feet and ran over to me, holding her out again. "Priestess. Please. What should we name her?"


    I choked down my instinctive response of ''how the fuck should I know'', not to mention ''don''t fuckin'' ask me'', and ''fuck is wrong with you''. A moment''s thought and my mom''s face floated before me, and when I thought about her name another face, way more fanged and feral, but no less maternal, floated behind and beneath it. "Marie."


    "Thank you! Thank you!"


    Grandma tried to pull the family down to do the whole bow and scrape thing again, but I pulled her up and into a hug. I whispered to her, "watch over them. Come to me if they need us." She stumbled away, her eyes wide, her head nodding. I waved to the family, said, "it''s been nice, but I''ve got to get back to class. Unless you needed something else?" With a lot of spluttered denials and repeated farewells, they turned and hustled each other down the steps. I turned and headed back to class, only to get caught halfway there by the flow of Cadets heading to lunch.


    Weird day all around.


    Didn''t get any less weird at all when I got back to the room to find Saffron and Isnomi with diaper helmets on their heads, headbutting each other and then falling over laughing like maniacs.

 Day One Hundred And One

    Dear Diary,


    Finally got some info on one of the bigger missing pieces of my old world today in class. Nothing Earth shattering, but informative.


    Same dream last night. Chillin'' like a villain by the lakeside, psychedelic tadpoles making my bits all tingly while I stared at the stars. False dawn painted the sky, and I woke up.


    Saffron and Isnomi were already up. Saffron sat at the desk, Isnomi nomming happily in her lap. I sat there watching, enjoying the moment of peace and quiet. I noticed the chamber pot sitting on the desk, so I got up to find a place to put it away. As I reached for it, Isnomi detached and squawked at me. "Na! Ma! Na!"


    I stopped and looked at Saffron, who shrugged. "She insisted I put it up there."


    By now Isnomi had wriggled free of her mom''s arms and clambered onto the desk. She slapped the lid and looked at me expectantly. I shrugged, thinking, fuck it, why not? and pulled the lid free. It''d been emptied and cleaned recently. Isnomi tugged at her diaper and looked at me again. Just going with it, I reached down and undid the origami, letting the clean diaper fall away from her. She tried to clamber onto the pot, but after the second time she almost tipped it over on herself I reached out and picked her up. She fussed, slapping at me, until I held her over the pot, her knees hooked over one edge. She grabbed the sides, but I kept my hands under her arms to support her. She looked me right in the eye and unloaded into the pot. Then she threw her hands above her head and babbled, "Da!"


    I looked at Saffron. "What do you think, love?"


    She just stared at the menace. Her mental progress is frighteningly rapid.


    She is your daughter.


    That particular comment hit home. Saffron swelled up with pride, practically preening as she did so. She forced a firm look onto her face, looked our daughter in the eye, and said, "One week. Seven days, no dirty diapers at all, you use the pot at least once a day. I won''t have you giving yourself some kind of blockage."


    Isnomi looked at her, confused. "Sa, ba?"


    Saffron held up her fists and started raising fingers. "One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven." She held up the seven fingers just inside Isnomi''s reach and repeated, "seven."


    The menace folded her pudgy little arms and pouted.


    "Seven." Saffron repeated mercilessly.


    The rug rat looked up at me, pleading. "Mama?"


    I flicked the side of the pot. "Today counts as one, if you can get through it without messing your diaper."


    She sighed, pouted more, and held her hands up to me. I hefted her up over my shoulder, dangling her there by the ankles until I could get a clean cloth to wipe her down before laying her down to re-diaper her.


    Right around then Marie came in. Isnomi''s face lit up. "Ma, ba, ca!"


    Of course Marie responded by forcibly trading me our clean laundry in exchange for the menace, who responded to Marie''s rumbling face-rubbing by grabbing Marie''s ears and rubbing her own little chubby cheeks against Marie''s. I handed the clothing off to Saffron, who''d dressed while I changed Isnomi, and went to the armoire to get dressed myself. I left my jacket unbuttoned and wandered over to Saffron, who''d been holding the pile of clean clothes while I dressed in front of the armoire. "Please?"


    She shook her head, but set the laundry on the desk and started doing my buttons up from the top down. "I do not understand why you cannot do this yourself."


    My face warmed a little as I realized the truth. "I can. You''ve seen me do it."


    She stopped, her hands still on the buttons. "So why am I doing it again?"


    I looked at the floor. "I like it when you do it. It''s like a hug that lasts all day long. Until I take my jacket off, anyhow."


    I barely heard her breath a squeaky little, "oh." Her hands returned to buttoning, but instead of her normal ''get this done as quickly and efficiently as possible'' routine, she buttoned each one carefully, caressing it as she did. When the final button sat just so, she wrapped her arms around me and whispered, "Goof" into my chest.


    "Love you too, Kitten."


    She pulled back just far enough to look at me and said, "I see it now, you''re just into cradle robbing."


    I mocked outrage and said, "hey, you''re the mature one. Says so on our Statuses and everything."


    She shook her head and solemnly said, "yes, but you''re older. By almost a full year."


    I put on my best Look of Despair and mock cried out, "oh, no, that means I have to be the Boring One!"


    She snuggled into me again, chuckling. "Never that, love." She pulled away and pushed me toward the door. "Go on, save me some eggs, I have to put the laundry away."


    I sauntered to the door, in no big hurry to beat Saffron to breakfast, leaving the room just in time to see Marie turn the corner with her Isnomi hood ornament slapping the cart and shrieking, "ca! Ca! Ca! Fa! Fa! Fafa!"


    Chuckling at that sight, I meandered down the hall. Saffron caught up to me right as I left the dorm, surprisingly unperturbed by catching me before I could get to the Dining Hall and save her any eggs. I mean, we still got plenty, but she''s usually a bit more irked if I somehow fail to live up to her inflated expectations. I mean, obviously inflated; she expects me to follow instructions, which to be honest for her I might, because apparently it gives her the urge to ride my face like a bicycle seat, but she also expects me to remember instructions. For, like, longer than it took her to say them. Half the time I can''t even remember what I wanted to do by the time I get around to doing it.


    So today in G and C we continued the Apennine Peninsula, finally getting to the Big Dog of the peninsula. Almost literally in this world, as the City had no ''eagle'' imagery. Instead, their whole thing was wolves. Where the Romans had legions, every soldier a cog in a military machine, the Remans had ''wolf packs''; groups of soldiers, scouts, hunters, or Heroes who all considered each other peers.


    The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    Doc DeLeon kicked it all off with a story. "Three thousand years ago, King Numitor of Alba Longa was deposed by his brother, Amulius. To keep Numitor from contesting his reign, Amulius killed Numitor''s sons and forced Numitor''s daughter Rhea Silvia to swear vows as a Vestal Virgin. While she tended the sacred flame, a God saw her devotion to her duty and her anger at the way Amulius had spent her father''s wealth and power on self-aggrandizement. He was so taken by her wrath and steadfastness that he came to her in the night and lay with her."


    Saffron raised her hand. "Which God?"


    Doc DeLeon nodded, "there''s more than a little dispute about that, actually. Some say it was Mercury, since he most frequently visited the sacred flames and watched over Hestia''s Vestal Virgins. Some say Jupiter, because of course they do. There is even a strong faction of scholars, mostly from the Etruscan portion of the peninsula, who believe Bellona sired Rhea Silvia''s children, although there is no evidence of Bellona siring children with mortal women elsewhere. It is my contention that the Etruscans mostly prefer Bellona to my personal preference, Mars, as they would naturally prefer their own war god."


    I raised my hand and asked, "Why the... never mind, dumb question."


    "No, no, there are no dumb questions, only unasked ones."


    Despite his complete lack of subtlety, somehow I still heard Lancaster stage whispering, "only dumb people," over the second half of Doc''s statement.


    "I was gonna ask why the Reman names, but.. duh. Reme."


    Doc stood there, mouth half open, before rubbing his forehead a moment before chuckling and saying, "as usual, you have arrived at a correct conclusion, somehow, despite all logic and reason. That was, indeed, a stupid question, but please, I''d still rather you ask. Who knows if one of your classmates had the same question, but never had your sudden moment of insight."


    "You mean someone with more stupid than me?"


    He laughed and just waved me away, returning to his story. "At any rate, Cadet Diaz'' surprising ability to be correct aside, Mars sired twin boys on Rhea. Amulius feared the vengeance of the unknown God, but wanted the boys out of the picture, so he had Rhea imprisoned and her sons cast into the Tiber River. The servant assigned to the task took pity on the boys, dropping the basket she carried them with into the river instead of throwing the boys in separately. The boat floated down the river, eventually catching up in some reeds, where the boys were found and adopted by a she-wolf. When they were but boys, the she-wolf, known simply as Lupa, led them to raid a flock of sheep. The shepherd, Faustulus Larentia, injured Lupa defending his sheep, and would have killed her, but the boys stood in the way, refusing to let him."


    "What kind of man is stopped by two boys?" interrupted Lancaster.


    Doc DeLeon grabbed the pointer he used on the map and brought it down on Lancaster''s desk three times, punctuating his next words. "Sons. Of. Ares." When Lancaster nodded, he continued, "Faustus lured the boys back to his home, where they and his wife tended Lupa until she recovered. To this day, the shepherds of Reme often ally with local wolf packs to defend their flocks from lions and other predators. There are even stories of packs returning lost sheep to shepherds, although I find that dubious."


    Rosen raised his hand and asked, "why would the wolves help guard the sheep?"


    Before Doc DeLeon could answer, Bill chimed in with, "for a cut of the mutton."


    "Exactly!" replied DeLeon. "At any rate, Faustus and his wife adopted the boys, and Lupa lived near, sometimes making her den in the house when winters were harsh. When the boys had just grown to manhood, they ran afoul of shepherds from Alba Longa. They quarreled, and the boys killed one of the shepherds. A week later, soldiers of Alba Longa arrived at the house of Faustus while the boys had the sheep in the fields. They slew Faustus and raped his wife, then set their house afire. The boys saw the smoke and ran back. Remus harried the soldiers while his brother Romulus rescued their ''stepmother'', though he was burned badly while doing so. Together, the sons of Ares fought the soldiers until they broke and ran, but not before one wounded Romulus mortally. Holding his dying brother in his arms, Remus'' howls of grief summoned not only Lupa, but all of her children, and their children, and their children. Together with Remus, they raced to Alba Longa, overtaking and slaying the remaining soldiers, but that did not slake Remus'' blood lust for revenge in the slightest. They continued on to Alba Longa, fell upon the city, and slew all who stood against them, eventually butchering their way to Amulius'' throne room, where Remus and Lupa and her children tore him limb from limb."


    As Doc DeLeon paused, Lancaster breathed out a single word, "righteous." For once I found myself agreeing with the little shit.


    "In the throne room they found Rhea Silvia, chained to the altar of Hestia, which Amulius had moved to his throne room to ''demonstrate his devotion to Hestia''. Some say he''d used his niece as his own personal concubine, but I personally doubt that Hestia or Hermes would have allowed that to stand. At any rate, Remus would have slain her, as he did to any who did not flee his wrath fast enough, but Lupa intervened, smelling her adopted sons'' scent on their birth mother. His rage quelled for an instant, Remus recognized his mother, ''rent her chains asunder'', then used the eternal flame she''d tended to burn Alba Longa to the ground, returning home with her. He buried his father and brother on Palatine Hill, where their house had stood, and built a new house for his birth mother and stepmother, who was now with child, atop nearby Aventine Hill. That house became the center of the City of Reme, initially populated by local shepherds who had heard the tale of Remus'' alliance with the wolves to avenge Faustus, an old shepherd they respected, as well as refugees from Alba Longa, who were welcomed so long as they foreswore any allegiance to the destroyed city and became one of the ''Pack'', as Remus first called it."


    Through the latter half of the morning and the early part of the afternoon, mostly instigated by Lancaster, Doc DeLeon reviewed historical battles demonstrating the ''pack'' tactics the Remans used. I say ''instigated by Lancaster'', because any time Doc seemed ready to move on to some other part of Reman culture, Lancaster asked for more examples, but pretty much everybody else in the class got fuckin'' riveted by that first story, myself included. Doc went with it, sketching out map after map on the board at the front of the room, drawing in the Reman''s opponents and maneuvers. Maybe an hour after lunch something clicked.


    "Holy shit. It''s..."


    "Yes, Cadet Diaz?"


    I shook my head, bullshitting frantically. "Army ants. They move like that," I finished lamely.


    Doc DeLeon muttered something like, ''if you say so. Anyway,'' and returned to his lecture.


    What were you actually thinking, love?


    Blitzkrieg.


    She went silent a moment, then replied, lightning war?


    In response I sent her every video image I could remember about tanks charging to, around, and through the gaps between fortresses and formations, blowing the living shit out of anything that stood and fought, and organically congregating at enemy weak points while leaving a few of their number to keep the enemy strong points occupied long enough for their own concentrated forces to roll the enemy up from the rear.


    I didn''t notice until the end of the class, but Saffron kind of dropped out of the class discussion after that.


    I tried to say something about it, but she hushed me and remained quiet through dinner. Eventually, when we settled Isnomi down in her cradle for the night, I put my arms around her, nudged her chin up until she looked me in the eyes, and quietly said, "I''m sorry if something I said or did or showed you upset you, love. I didn''t mean to."


    Her lips quirked up into a crooked grin and she replied, "You didn''t. Not really. I just," she paused, searching for words, or more likely choosing which ones to use, "had a lot to think about. If you really want to make it up to me, though?"


    I smiled down at her. "Absolutely."


    I went to scoop her up, but she pushed me away, laughing quietly, and said, "so wear your new nightgown tonight. Just for me."


    When I shot her a ''what the fuck, Saffron?'' look while she padded over to the bed and primly sat on the edge, leering at me while I stood there naked, she nodded toward the armoire.


    I opened it only to find, hanging right next to The Dress, a frilly maid''s apron.


    I swear, my Kitten can be such a dork sometimes.

 Day One Hundred And Two

    Dear Diary,


    We all know the old curse, ''may you live in interesting times''. I think I''m finally getting how much of a blessing boredom is.


    I mean, not ''omigod there''s nothing to do'' boredom, but ''I do the same thing every day and that''s a good thing'' boredom. I guess its all about whether the things you''re doing are things you enjoy doing.


    Saffron''ll smack the shit out of me if she hears me refer to her as a thing, though.


    Same dream again last night. Chilling, staring at the stars, wondering if mom knows where I even am. Psychedelic tadpoles seemed a little subdued. Same as it ever was, false dawn showed above the horizon, and I woke up.


    Woke up kind of suddenly, too, with someone slapping my boobs like a broken vending machine again. Without opening my eyes, I waved my hand and whispered, "these are not the boobs you''re looking for."


    No joy. Sloppy Isnomi noms on my nipple forced my eyes open. I tried just rolling to dislodge her, but the little menace clung like a limpet, aided by the apron all clumped into my cleavage, so once I''d gotten myself more or less upright I pried her off and lifted her away from me until I could look her in the eyes. "No matter how much you smack them, there is no milk in my tits. Boobs are not a vending machine. They will not give you tasty treats if you manhandle them."


    An arm snaked around me from behind, slipping between my stomach and the tangled apron. "Nmm. ''s other bits."


    "Saffron!" I twisted my head around to look at where she''d pillowed her head against my ass. No clue why; unlike hers mine has remained stubbornly rock-like.


    She cracked one eye just a slit, "s'' scandalized?"


    I grinned down at her, "Nah. You''re just stealing my lines is all."


    "Mm. Ah. No. You must be rubbing off on me." Finally waking up, her one open eye went from a tiny slit to an amused squint, "then again, we do rub a lot."


    "Oh, hush, you. I''m trying to educate our daughter on culinary etiquette."


    Saffron shook her head, blinking as she pushed herself upright beside me. "Oh, this I simply must see." Once she sat primly next to me, she cocked her head and looked at me expectantly. "Do go on."


    I looked back at Isnomi, who''d spent our conversation trying in vain to wriggle free from my grip and return to her efforts to wrangle breakfast from dairy-free boobs. I lifted her to stand on my thighs, then left one hand holding her while the other pointed at my tit. "No milk." I poked at Saffron''s boob, ignoring her squawk of protest to say, "Milk." I took Insomi''s hand in mine and put it against my left tit. "No milk." I moved it to my right tit. "No milk." I lifted her and guided her hand to Saffron''s right breast. "Milk." Then I plonked her face first into Saffron''s left boob. "Milk!"


    She made happy suckling noises despite Saffron''s sour look. I slipped around behind her, straddling her from behind so I could rub her shoulders and neck. She bent forward, and I worked my hands up and down her back while both she and Isnomi made appreciative noises. By the time Marie arrived, both mom and baby had melted into a happy little puddle. Once she closed the door behind her, she stalked over to the three of us, got behind me much as I''d got behind Saffron, her skirts bunched up against my ass as she did unto me as I''d done unto my Kitten.


    Took us longer than normal to get our asses in gear, what with all the puddling, but we managed to arrive more or less on time for breakfast. Isnomi joined us, crawling around the table to steal food off of everyone''s trays. When I pointed her at the trays full of unclaimed food in the middle of the table, she gave me a look as if to say, ''you can''t fool me, I want the good stuff, not the stuff people didn''t take''. Since nobody seemed to mind, Bill even feeding her bits she didn''t steal, I shrugged and let it go, focusing on depopulating as many trays of spicy eggs as I could. Three months in and still my favorite thing to eat.


    I mean, from the Dining Hall, at least.


    At the end of breakfast Marie scooped Isnomi onto her cart and trundled off, leaving Saffron and I nothing to do but wander up to Intermediate Heroics. Lachlan was waiting for us when we got there, our three desks already pushed together, rings all laid out for welding. I noticed the three bowls stacked up to the side and got a little irked, but decide to try something different than my normal ''kick them in the crotch until they fall in line'' method. I murmured, "roll with it," into Saffron''s hair, then sashayed up to Lachlan with Saffron in tow. "Lachlan," I pouted, "you said you''d show us Create Water."


    A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    He puffed up a little, but I''d already seen his gaze flicker down to my swaying hips. "I need to get my Mineral Bond project done."


    "Oh, I know that''s what''s really important, but couldn''t you do Create Water just once? For us? Please?" I lay my hand on his shoulder, just now realizing how tall the fucker was; sitting at one of the desks his shoulder still had to be mid-tit height on me.


    As I moved to the side, my other hand finding his shoulder as well, Saffron followed me in, showing us both how much different sashaying hit when the sashayer had the proper curvature to support it. "Please, Lachlan? I''d like to see you do it, just once, really slowly? Just the one time? Please?" She lay her hand atop his, staring up at him through her lashes.


    He scrabbled at the bowls, grabbing one of them as he said, "I suppose we can afford the time and Mana to do at least the one demonstration."


    He wound up doing three, filling a bowl each time while Saffron and I watched. I mean, mostly she watched and I ''watched'', leaning over Lachlan''s shoulder, making sure to push my boobs against his back hard enough he could feel them through both our jackets.


    We really need to thank Doctor DeLeon later.


    Why?


    He may need a new pointer stick. He nearly bit through his trying not to laugh.


    After that today was more of the same from last week, although to his credit Lachlan managed to get the entirety of the center disc welded in place before passing out the first time. When he woke up, I asked him if he could give us tips on boosting our Mana after we''d got his project done, and he agreed.


    When we finally made it back to our room, we found Marie waiting with her tub atop her cart. As we approached, she put one long finger over her lips, and Saffron and I pretended not to hear the faint giggles echoing from inside the tub. When we got within a few yards, Saffron called out in mock distress, "oh, no! Marie! Where''s Isnomi?"


    Marie made an exaggerated shrug, and I said, "did you forget her in the kitchen?"


    Marie growled out, "No?" More giggles.


    Saffron asked, "Did Jon steal her away to the forge?"


    Marie gave us a toothy grin and shook her head. "No." Muffled squealing.


    "Oh, no! Wherever can she have gone?" Saffron rocked back and forth, her hands on the sides of her head.


    "Will we ever see her again? Where can she be?" I put the back of my arm over my face and leaned against the wall.


    The menace chose that moment to pop out of the tub, for a value of ''pop out of the tub'' that put her eyes just above the rim, throwing her arms in the air and shrieking, "DAHDA!"


    We all pounced on her, trading off Isnomi tickling duties until we''d all got inside the room and she giggled until she started hiccupping. When Marie set the tub down, the crotch goblin grabbed at her head and shouted, "NA!", rolling off the bed and making a bee line for the desk, where she smacked at the chamber pot until I picked it and her up and repeated yesterday morning''s procedure.


    When she''d finished, I said. "Very good! That''s two days in a row! Five more to go!"


    Saffron looked at Marie and asked, "has she dirtied any diapers over the past two days with you, Marie?"


    Marie looked thoughtful, but shook her head. She pointed for me to get in the tub, and I went to hand Isnomi off to Saffron, but the little gremlin threw a fit, waving her chubby baby arms at the tub and shouting, "Ba! Ba! Ah Na Ma Ba!"


    Both of the others looked dubious, but I shrugged and said, "you go first, dear, take her in with you." Saffron shrugged, undressed, and got in the tub. It took some convincing to get Isnomi to let her mom share her bath, but eventually she got the idea that she wasn''t getting in the tub with water in it on her own. She stayed in when Saffron got out, and I got in and played with her while Marie dried and combed Saffron, then we repeated the process, although before I stood for Marie to rinse and dry me off I stood Isnomi up on my knees. Marie scooped her up in a towel, bundling her until only her eyes showed out of a big ball o'' towel. I couldn''t let that opportunity slide. I waved Marie over to me, and she held towel-ball Isnomi so she could see me, and I looked up at her and beseeched, "oh Isnomi of the towel, what is your wisdom?"


    In reply I got a muffled, "ba! Ma, ba!"


    After that Marie delivered Isnomi to Saffron, then toweled me down. When she finished with my hair, I felt some kind of way, so I turned to her and said, "when''s the last time you had a bath, Marie?"


    She gave me a weird, not thrilled look and said, "Aquarium."


    Saffron chimed in with, "that''s really not a bath. Twice a week seemed excessive at first, but now I wouldn''t miss it for the world."


    Marie shrugged, shook her head just a touch, and said, "Fur."


    "Huh. Point." My brain threw up another idea, and I said, "Marie, would you please do something for me?"


    She just raised an eyebrow.


    "Take off your uniform and sit there," I pointed to the edge of the bed, "facing away from the bed, please?"


    She shrugged, stripped, and sat where I''d asked her to. I stole her brush, plonked myself down behind her, and went to work on her, starting with her hair and working my way down her back. By the time I''d got done with her hair, her rumbling purr filled the room, and she''d pushed back against my knees. When I finished with the brush, I went to work with my fingers, starting from the top of her head and working my way down. Right about when my hands reached her shoulders, Saffron''s fingers started in on my scalp. By the time I got to Marie''s lower back, I swear I was purring as loud as she was. At that point Saffron, her words laced with laughter, said, "I think I''m getting the worst end of this deal."


    That''s when I heard the little baby pats coming from behind Saffron. "Yeah, but you''ve got the cutest masseuse."

 Day One Hundred And Three

    Dear Diary,


    I''ve never been the sort to champion ignorance, but sometimes lately I could kick myself when I ask questions I need the answers to, but also don''t want the answers to.


    More chill dreaming last night. At one point I levered myself up to see over the rocky outcroppings I''d propped myself up on. Beyond them lay a nearly flat hilltop, a series of little rivulets running from another set of outcroppings on the far side of the hill, merging into a cute little stream that ran south until it emptied into a protrusion of the lake to the east of me. For a while I just kinda pondered the cosmos as psychedelic tadpoles wriggled around the bits of me I dangled in the lake. Staring West, I didn''t notice false dawn before I woke up.


    For a bit I didn''t really grok what had woken me. I mean, I figured out pretty quick that the ultimate cause had to be the menace, because Saffron, Marie, and I lay a tangled cuddle puddle on the floor, but I heard somebody shuffling their way across the floor. I lay there with my eyes closed, just listening, trying to figure out her plan before she knew I was awake. The noises moved vertically, so I assumed she''d crawled up the side of the bed until she kept going up, and I realized I''d gotten turned around while sleeping; she''d crawled up to the side of her cradle. Impressive bit of scaling for the rug rat, since while we''d padded the sides into a gentle slope to prevent her from self-destruction when she inevitably climbed out, it got a little steep at the top.


    She went silent, then I heard the tiniest of baby whispers. "Fa." Some rustling from cradle-rail height, then nothing, then a whump at floor level. Maybe the tiniest, most suppressed baby giggles I''d ever heard, followed by more climbing up the side of the cradle, then another, "fa," followed by rustle, silence, then whump. After a few more cycles like that, I caught another tiny giggle, this time from top-of-cradle height, then a bit more rustling preceded a mothering great whump. Marie and I both shot upright, staring at the gaping armoire door where it had impacted with the wall. Even Saffron woke up, although she''d pushed herself up from prone and stared muzzily at the opposite wall.


    Isnomi perched atop her cradle''s rail, the soft red rope we''d used to tie the armoire shut still falling from where she''d grasped it in her chubby little hand. Isnomi had her diaper on, still adhering to our deal, and another diaper sort of covered her head, but it took me a moment to really understand what she''d bundled herself in, nearly as thoroughly as Marie''s towel from last night, except... bright crimson... silk...


    The Menace had wrapped The Dress around herself! I started to move, but she held one hand up imperiously and shouted, "NA!" Then she spoiled it by giggling. Although I suppose she hadn''t really spoiled it exactly, since Marie and I both froze, staring at her. Louder than she''d screamed ''na'', she shrieked out, "FA!" and fucking leapt straight out into midair, arms and legs stretched out in flying squirrel position, crimson silk streaming behind her, giggle-shrieking at the top of her lungs. She made it an impressive eighteen inches or so out into the room before whumping into the floor. Okay, impressive for a six.. well, shit. Eight month old? Nine month old?


    As Isnomi, impeded by her own entirely uninhibited shrieking giggles, tried to get to something resembling an upright position, I poked Saffron. "How old is Isnomi exactly?"


    "Nine munf." She worked her mouth a little, making those little lip smacking noises people made trying to wet their lips. "Nine months. Her birthday is the twenty third of Loush. Do I even want to turn around?"


    "If you don''t you''re going to miss the..."


    Isnomi managed to get herself more or less upright, threw her hands in the air and shrieked, "DAHDA!" Then she fell over backwards giggling.


    "Never mind, you missed it. How far ahead of, like, a human kid should she be?"


    Saffron rolled around and up into a tailor seat, shrugging as she answered, "I didn''t have Inspect when I bedded her father. Not that it would be legal to point it at someone just to evaluate them as a potential bed partner anyhow."


    I shrugged. "Might have done it myself to see if I wanted to have a kid with somebody."


    She cocked her head and looked up at me. "You think I wanted to get pregnant?"


    I shrugged again. "I mean, I can''t see you getting pregnant accidentally."


    She shook her head, bowing it as she did. "Have I complained vociferously about your insatiability yet?"


    Three, two, one, we have comprehension. "Holy shit, you just banged some dude to get laid and wound up pregnant? Didn''t you use protection?"


    She looked up at me quizzically. "He might not have been my choice of permanent companion, but he wasn''t a potential rapist."


    "I meant birth control."


    She shrugged. "I''m as aware of my cycle as any woman, but that''s not exactly a perfect method."


    I just kinda stared at her, disbelief filling my brain. I let it, because it didn''t leave any room for the ever-simmering rage that wanted to push its way through. "The rhythm method. Shit, I thought you''d have, y''know, herbs or magic spells or some shit like that. The rhythm method? Seriously? You know we have a word for people who use the rhythm method where I come from?"


    She looked at me, honest curiosity clear in her question. "Really? What do you call them?"


    "Parents."


    She snorted out something like a laugh at that, shaking her head as she did. Then she froze. "You didn''t mean the rhythm method. I suspect from everything you''ve told me, what you''ve shown me, that you weren''t in the habit of using abortifacient herbs or compounds. Explain."


    My turn to shrug. "Take your pick. I mean, yeah, I''m not a huge fan of the morning after pill, or straight up aborting a kid, but," I cudgeled my brain for the list from that long ago Health class I''d mostly read novels during. I''d still aced that shit, an uncommon enough result for me. But, y''know, sex ed. ''You had my attention, now you have my interest'' and all that shit. I counted on my fingers, although I couldn''t remember how many there were supposed to be. "Let''s see. Birth control pills. Diaphragms. Sponges. Uh, IUD''s. Condoms. Shit, you''ve got to have condoms. If you haven''t learned the contraceptive uses of taking it in the ass I don''t know what to tell you. Swallowing works too. Fuck, I know there are some more, but I can''t remember them."


    "Birth control pills? But not abortifacients?"


    "I mean, that''s what the morning after Pill is, but regular Pills? They just regulate your cycle and keep you from ovulating."


    She sucked on her teeth a moment, her brows drawing down, but then very obviously took herself under control. "You are, as I am well aware, not from around here. So I''ll tell you this once. Do not imply that Bag lay eggs."


    I sat there, mouth hanging open for an endless moment, just blinking. "Uh... shit. I''m gonna not assume, but that means I gotta ask you some real personal questions."


    She took a deep breath, held it for a moment, then let it out. Before she could say anything, Isnomi said, "Ma!" We both looked to where she perched on the cradle rail, so she screamed, "FA!" and leapt again. Little less distance, little more height, just as much volume on her shrieking flying squirrel giggle until she whumped into the padded flooring. Saffron stifled a gasp, then reached out and snagged her by The Dress, towing her in and snuggling her despite her efforts to remain unsnuggled. After a minute of wrestling, she flipped her over and faceplanted her on a tit, then looked back up at me, her earlier vaguely offended, self-controlled look replaced by a grin as goofy as anything I''d ever worn.


    "Ask away, Goof. If you say something particularly offensive, I may throw pillows at you."


    "Okay. Dudes. Like, all of them, spurt out spooge when they finish, right?"


    She giggled a little, "They ejaculate, yes. Usually white, a little pearlescent. I''ve heard that Zeus'' glows, but that might just be something he told someone trying to bed them."


    I shook my head at the Riker of the Gods, then at myself for being so unfair. Riker never raped anybody. "Okay. So, women bleed every month?"


    She shrugged, "Mostly. I''ve read that not all Heroes do. Maenads," she paused and turned to Marie, who''d taken our conversation as time to get dressed.


    Marie said, "Year," then waved for Saffron to hand over Isnomi. When she had the Menace in hand, she began unraveling The Dress despite Isnomi''s best efforts to remain ensconced.


    "So yes, in general, women bleed when their cycle is due."


    "Okay. So I''m not one hundred percent sure, because so much stuff is so fucked up here, but women are most fertile at the other end of the cycle, right?"


    She nodded, shrugging her shoulders a little as well. "Not precisely opposite, but close enough."


    Before I could say anything else Marie, who had not only succeeded in extricating Isnomi from The Dress, but hung it back up and removed her diaper helmet as well, interrupted with, "Before."


    Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.


    I shrugged at that. "The once a year thing might come into that, I dunno, but thing is? Humans do have eggs. They''re produced by glands just above the uterus, and they join with the sperm in the spooge to make babies."


    Saffron just looked at me. "Eggs."


    I nodded. "Yep."


    "Which, I assume, are also white? With shells?"


    I sighed. "Shit. How do I explain this to somebody who doesn''t... wait, do you know cell theory?"


    She glanced around. "I assume from context you''re not talking about our room?"


    I sighed. "Yeah, no, that would be way too handy. Um... do you know what a microscope is?"


    She puzzled at that for a second. "Small target?"


    I blinked. "That''s surprisingly in the right direction. It''s a device for looking at small shit. Really small shit. Like, you know the size of dot you''d make if you tapped a mana pen on a paper without putting mana into it?"


    She shrugged, "I can imagine."


    "Like, shit that size is the biggest stuff you''d look at with a microscope. Also, that''s about how big human eggs are, and they''re pretty much transparent."


    She closed her eyes, sighed deeply, and then a weird kind of smirk slipped onto her face. Without opening her eyes, she said, "I will take your word for it, although we will talk about all this later. One question first, though."


    "Sure. Shoot."


    "All humans?"


    I grinned, finally getting her point, "I mean, shit, pretty much everything that does sexual reproduction, but yeah, all humans. Even the fuckin'' Dan."


    My Kitten had a whole collection of Evil Grins by this point. She slipped a new one on and asked, "can you keep all of this to yourself until we prove that last bit. Please?"


    "I mean, I''ll sure as shit try. I wanna see Larry''s face."


    She leaned over, and we lost a bit of time to tonsil hockey. By the time we finished, Marie had Isnomi over the chamber pot, hands over her head, saying, "dahda!" I looked at Marie, who nodded.


    "That''s three days! Very good! Only four more!" Her pout wasn''t as bad as the first day, but she still wasn''t happy. A few moments later Marie had her clean, diapered, and mounted up on her cart.


    Saffron looked up at Marie and asked, "can you keep her all day?"


    Marie smiled and nodded, Isnomi chanting, "ca! Ca! Ca!" in the background, slapping the front of the cart as she did.


    "Thank you, Marie." Marie closed the door as she strode out of the room, and Saffron turned back to me. "So you had pills that would make women sterile?"


    "I mean, temporarily, yeah. I heard about some people having long term problems when they decided to have kids, but that was, like, babies dying rare."


    Absolute blind rage flashed across her face so fast I thought I''d imagined it. She noticed I''d seen it and put a hand on my knee. "My fury is not with you, Goof."


    I remembered something, and, "oh, shit," just slipped out.


    She chuckled, "just remember you Just Happened to someone?"


    I shook my head, rolling my eyes a little. "I''m still weirded out how we''re married and all and you''re still so casual about that."


    "I married you knowing how likely you were to Just Happen to someone eventually. Marrying you and expecting you to stop Just Happening would be stupid, and," she stopped, because I pulled her in and kissed her again.


    When I let her go, I said, "you try not to be stupid." Never thought I''d be the one finishing her sentences, but here we are.


    "Goof."


    "Anyway, yeah, really short version? Where I''m from people don''t have kids unless they want them. Or they''re too poor for birth control. Or they''re stupid. Or uneducated. Okay, people have unwanted kids all the fuckin'' time, really, but they really shouldn''t, and don''t have to. Wait, don''t you guys have condoms?"


    She got a really weird look on her face. Half affectionate grin, half deep, abiding fury. "They''re expensive. I''ve always thought artificially so, since there''s not enough sausage in the world to use up all the sheep intestines from the mutton industry."


    My face twisted. "Ew. Just... ew."


    She rubbed at her face. "Your condoms aren''t made of sheep intestines? Did your men require the intestines of cattle or something?"


    I snorted, "I mean, if you asked them they''d probably say yeah, but nah. Latex. Not even sure what that is, but it''s super stretchy. Like you could fit your whole arm in a condom for a regular sized dude. It''s also not, y''know, a dead shit tube."


    She chuckled again. "But you eat sausage."


    "Yeah, I''m a lot less picky about what goes in the mouth than in the vag." I shrugged, then looked at the ceiling. "I mean, I''m not prudish or anything, but, like, organic shit going in there better be human and alive."


    I looked down to see her leaning her elbow on her knee, her hand bracing her cheek as she smirked up at me. "I''m fascinated by your opinion on fascina."


    "On what?"


    "Artificial penises, without all the bothersome bits and fluids usually associated with the real ones?"


    A laugh forced its way out before I replied, "okay, but they better not be made out of dead things. Plastic and rubber are fine. I''ve read that metal and gemstone ones aren''t good for you. Glass, maybe?"


    She shuddered, "what if it shatters?"


    "Look, if you can shatter a two inch thick glass rod with your vajayjay, I''m not sticking any bits in there any more."


    "Two inches thick?"


    I shrugged. "I mean, go big or go home, amirite?"


    She lost it laughing at that, pushing me toward the armoire. "Get up, Goof. You''ve got to get to class."


    I started getting dressed. "Y''know, this whole conversation started because I wanted to know how fast Isnomi ought to be hitting milestones." After thinking about it for a second, I asked her, "maybe we just ought to Inspect her? Doesn''t matter what her dad was, it matters what she is, right?"


    Saffron got a really odd look on her face. "On the one hand, your suggestion has merit. It should work, although I might have to do research if he''s an ethnicity I''m unfamiliar with."


    "Does that happen often?"


    "No, but he was my height. Not really common."


    An image flashed into my mind, and I had to share. "Now I want you to find him, then take him and Rider to one of Dionysus'' parties."


    She closed her eyes, "and you just had to share that, didn''t you?"


    "Duh."


    She shook her head. "The trouble is that while your suggestion would work, its also technically wildly illegal."


    "Really? We''re her parents."


    "And, if we weren''t the ones doing the Inspect, we could probably get away with standing in her stead for consent, since she''s an Infant. But between not wanting someone else to potentially know more about my child than I do, and duBois holding us to the letter of the law anyway, I think I''m going to have to do a bit of legal research today."


    I pouted. "But today''s Remedial Celtic."


    She shook her head. "Don''t you have a copy of Law and Custom?" I nodded, and she said, "so I can do both." She spun me around, slapped me on the ass and pushed me toward the door. "Now get to class."


    I wandered to class, picking up Lyman along the way, wrote a few paragraphs about my family''s food preferences for Sister Cheryl, and then he escorted me back to Saffron. We worked through the morning, and I learned a bunch of legal terms, because that''s the book she had open. No idea how I was gonna explain that to Sister Cheryl, what with her being the one currently looking for a missing copy of Law and Custom, but I wasn''t about to argue. There was canoodling on the line. Shenanigans, even. Possibly even antics.


    Weird thing. I got so into learning shit, so worked up by the idea that the more I learned, the more creatively kinky my little genius Kitten would get, that I completely lost track of time.


    She looked up at me, practically glowing with pride, as she said, "I''ve got it!"


    I pushed my book away, trying to set a new speed record for disrobing as I replied, "well don''t just sit there, show me!"


    A laugh escaped her and she said, "totally not what I was thinking about." Before I could get bent out of shape, she continued, "I''ve been thinking about that, don''t worry, I wouldn''t, ah, ''leave you hanging'', but I meant the legal thing."


    I shrugged out of my shirt and said, "Okay?"


    "There is a caveat where if two Council Members agree that the Inspect is in the target''s best interest, they can authorize it."


    "That seems kinda sus to me."


    She shrugged. "There are caveats about no intention to exploit the target, and a practical need for information the target cannot supply, and a few others. It''s intended for things like medical emergencies or inheritance disputes."


    I snickered and did my best Talk Show Host. "YOU are NOT the Father!"


    She rolled her eyes. "Goof. Anyway, there you go then."


    "Uh... you do know we aren''t actually Heroes yet, right?"


    She shook her head, laughing. "True, but who is the Council Member representing Loki''s religion here in Phileo?"


    I shrugged, mystified. "How the fuck should I know?"


    She staggered a little laughing, but managed to force out, "because most Religion''s Council Members are, despite any legal niceties, declared by their High Priestess."


    Comprehension hit me like a particularly embarrassing brick. "Uh, who do I tap for this? You?"


    She fell straight on her ass. "You know, I was gonna say that most High Priestesses choose themselves, but honestly? You choosing me would be so you."


    Hey, Boss?


    Yes, Tabitha?


    Are you okay with me making Saffron your Council Member in Phileo?


    I have no issues with her representation in that office. I trust you implicitly as my Champion, but she does seem a bit more... politically inclined than you. Why did you think to ask about her, though?


    She thought it would be funnier.


    Oh, I insist on it then. She''s right.


    "Okay then. Saffron Aetos, you''re the Phileo City Council Member representing the Church of Loki. How do we get a second Council Member?"


    If anything, that made her laugh even harder. Laying there on the floor wheezing, she thought at me, Oh my beloved Goddess Mimic, would you accept Tabitha Diaz as the Council Member representing your worshippers'' interests in the Phileo City?


    I chuckled. "Okay, that is pretty fuckin'' funny. Yes, absolutely."


    Then as High Priestess of Mimic, I declare you the Phileo City Council Member representing the interests of the worshippers of Mimic.


    "You gotta promise me you won''t unduly influence my Council Member to do immoral stuff though."


    She scaled me, dragging herself up my front even as she fought against her laughter. When she dangled from my neck, she breathed out, "with one caveat; I make no such promises about amorous activities. How am I supposed to know if Mimic will find something so distasteful that she declares it anathema until she tries it?"


    Yeah, we both had other uses for our mouths for a little bit there, although eventually she came up for air and said, "so, Councilwoman, do you agree with me that Inspecting Isnomi Aetos is in her best interest?"


    I kicked my hormone flooded brain into gear enough to say, "Uh. Sure!" Then I leaned back into her. She pushed me away, laughing. "Okay, so we''ll do it as soon as..."


    Right about then Marie knocked on the door.


    "Fuck." I sprang up, shaking my head to clear it, headed for the door. Maybe we could get her to take a few laps around the dorm? Or, more realistically, given her speed and Isnomi screaming, "Fafa! Fafa!", several hundred laps? I opened the door and said, "sorry, Marie, I didn''t realize it was lunch time already."


    She looked at me weird as she pushed her cart in, Isnomi somehow strutting while sitting on her ass in her hood ornament spot. "Dinner."


    "Uh. What?"


    "Din. Ner," she enunciated carefully.


    "We missed lunch?" She shook her head, and in a burst of adrenaline fueled clarity I got it immediately. "We missed dinner?" She nodded. "Well, shit."


    Saffron sighed. "Tomorrow night, dear one."


    "Not tonight?" I whimpered.


    The Grin made an appearance, heating my nethers in the absence of any panties to disintegrate. "I''ll need to get Grandma to sit tomorrow night, because you will not be quiet enough to allow Isnomi to sleep."


    "Tomorrow''s good."


    She snickered her reply. "Thought so. Now. No time like the present. Marie, close the door please?" Marie nudged it shut. "Please hold Isnomi still? I need to cast a Spell on her." At Marie''s inquisitive, slightly suspicious look, Saffron said, "we need to Inspect her to see if she''s developing at a healthy pace." Marie shrugged, then grabbed Isnomi''s pudgy little hands, playing a noiseless version of ''So Big!'' with her. Saffron casually gestured her Inspect active, the hand motions almost nonexistent.


    "What the... Shit!" She rotated on her heel to shoot a boggled half-glare at me. "What the fuck did you do?"

 Day One Hundred And Four

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, when shit comes back to bite me in the ass, I expect teeth. Fangs, even. Pain, blood loss, maybe some screaming. I do not expect a vaguely creepy visit from the analinguist. Y''know what I''m saying?


    Somehow without actually doing anything I''d managed to wipe The Grin of Panty Destruction off of Saffron''s face and replace it with the mother of all ''what the fuck, Diaz?'' looks.


    "Uh... I dunno? What did I do?"


    Saffron took a deep breath. I fully expected flames to billow out of her mouth, but she snipped out, "that is precisely what I just asked you. Explain, oh beloved pain in my ass."


    "Explain what?"


    She shook her head, clearly finding my stupidity difficult to believe. "Inspect her."


    "Uh, okay." Yeah, I should have thought of that. I extruded an Inspect pointed at the Menace, who Marie still had doing repetitions of ''So Big!''.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 49.5532%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(52, 73, 94, 1); border-style: solid" border="1">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 33.9237%" scope="row">NAME</td>


    <td style="width: 66.0788%" scope="col">Isnomi Aetos</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 33.9237%">RACE</td>


    <td style="width: 66.0788%">Hybrid</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 33.9237%">HYBRID</td>


    <td style="width: 66.0788%">Bag (18.275%) / Human (50%) / Mor (25%) / Olympian (6.725)</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 33.9237%">AGE</td>


    <td style="width: 66.0788%">Child (0)</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 33.9237%">ATTRIBUTES</td>


    <td style="width: 66.0788%"> </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 33.9237%">STRENGTH</td>


    <td style="width: 66.0788%">0</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 33.9237%">AGILITY</td>


    <td style="width: 66.0788%">0</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 33.9237%">ENDURANCE</td>


    <td style="width: 66.0788%">2</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 33.9237%">REASON</td>


    <td style="width: 66.0788%">3</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 33.9237%">MEMORY</td>


    <td style="width: 66.0788%">3</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 33.9237%">PERSONALITY</td>


    <td style="width: 66.0788%">3</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 33.9237%">AFFINITIES</td>


    <td style="width: 66.0788%">Air (6.25%) / Earth (18.75%) / Water (28.125%)</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 33.9237%">PATRON</td>


    <td style="width: 66.0788%">Undeclared</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 33.9237%">SKILLS</td>


    <td style="width: 66.0788%">None</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 33.9237%">RACIAL SKILLS</td>


    <td style="width: 66.0788%"> </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 33.9237%">BALANCE</td>


    <td style="width: 66.0788%">1 (+)</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 33.9237%">BLEND</td>


    <td style="width: 66.0788%">1</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 33.9237%">PREDATE</td>


    <td style="width: 66.0788%">1</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 33.9237%">SCENT</td>


    <td style="width: 66.0788%">1</td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    "Well. Fuck. Did not expect that." I leaned on my Blend, pushing it out to cover the whole room. Just in case, I shot a thought to Loki, uh, Boss? Dealing with an emergency delicate situation. Could you?


    Consider your privacy assured, High Priestess mine.


    "What did you expect? How did this happen?"


    I shrugged, "Maybe whatshisname was Zeus in disguise?"


    Saffron threw her arms in the air. If we''d had a convenient table, I''m sure she would have flipped it at this point. "Olympian I could deal with, although I''d really prefer not to be on Hera''s bad side. But Mor? Mor? Fucking MOR?" By this point she paced back and forth through the room, ranting. I caught the gleam of unshed tears lurking in her eyes. "I''m pretty sure I would have noticed if he was an incarnation of terror! You! YOU being Mor is obvious in retrospect. You''re obviously a menace." She paused, hysterical laughter lurking under the confused, angry, frustration in her voice, "It''s the fucking, Isn''t it? Without ever manifesting a dick, you somehow retroactively un-and-re-fucked me and made my baby a fucking MOR!"


    I don''t know exactly when it happened, but at some point during the rant she''d slipped a roach-tipped umbrella up my butt, and her final anguished shriek extended the thing, firmly shoving a bug straight up my ass. "HEY!" My shout, which had more genuine anger than I thought it would, shocked her into silence and stillness. "For somebody who knows exactly what it''s like to have people thinking you''re a piece of shit just because you popped out of a Bag vagina back in the day, you''re getting awful high and mighty about rubbing my face in the fact that according to the ''race'' slot on my Inspect, I happen to be a Mor! A Mor who maimed a Goddess and destroyed a bitch''s soul to save that adorable fucking little menace of ours, I''ll remind you."


    The tears from earlier flowed, ignored, from the corners of her eyes. "Oh my... My Goddess, I... Wait, you what?"


    "The fucking bitch deserved it for sacrificing our daughter to fucking Artemis."


    Saffron''s eyes widened, tears still spilling out, forgotten. "You... you Revived her?"


    "You''d rather I fucking didn''t?"


    Her head shook convulsively. "No! I... you took her soul to do so?"


    "Kinda fucking thought you knew all this."


    She nodded to Marie, who''d scooped up a squirming Isnomi, trying to distract her from fighting parents, I guess. Gotta do something nice for her for that. "She wouldn''t let me enter the temple until she''d dealt with the guards. Someone told her to watch over me, after all."


    "Yeah. I fucking did. And yeah, I fucking tore her soul out and burned it to fix what she''d fucked up." I glowered at her, although there was more than enough to spread around to anybody else who wanted to fucking argue with me, "I would fucking do it again. For her. For you. For her," I nodded to Marie, who blinked at me, nearly losing her grip on the menace. I shrugged. "Maybe for Loki, I dunno. But for you three? Nobody better fucking test me, or they will fucking find out."


    She stumbled toward me, tears still flowing. Her arms went around me as she said, "but... destroying a soul, doing so forcibly, without consent. That''s... monstrous."


    My arms went around her, and I lay my cheek against her hair. "I know. I just do not fucking care. I don''t think, ''don''t murder my loved ones, or I will eat your soul to undo it'' is a step too far for an Incarnation of Terror." I shrugged. "Fuck. Maybe it is. I don''t know. I also don''t fucking care."


    She squeezed her face into my breast, wiping tears and maybe a little snot all over my front before pushing away just far enough to whisper, "neither do I." In a slightly more normal voice, she followed that up with a wry, "I am such a dumb bitch."


    I pushed her head back with a single finger on her forehead, just far enough to flick her in the forehead before saying, "that''s my line. You, on the other hand, are the smartest woman I know. I am prepared to stake money on you being the smartest woman on the planet."


    She snorted again, this time without the blubbering snot. "Says the woman with the infinite coin purse. I, on the other hand, somehow missed that being besotted with terror means I will, on occasion, wind up terrified."


    "Still a little pissed about the Mor comments."


    She dropped out of my arms, going to one knee in front of me, "I am sorry about that. I humbly beg for your forgiveness, my beloved, my Goddess. What might I do to make amends?"


    Me being me, the phrase, "uh, while you''re down there?" slipped out of my mouth.


    She barked out a laugh at that, then looked up at me, worry clear in her eyes, "unless you''re serious?"


    I rolled my eyes at her, yoinking her back to her feet and pulling her into my arms. "I''m a horndog, not a pervert. Isnomi''s watching." I paused, a free floating clue somehow hitting me instead of Saffron. "That in mind, what the fuck does being a quarter Mor mean for her milestones?"


    If a little panic showed in her eyes, she throttled it fast enough to reply immediately. "I have no idea." She held up one hand. "I will, of course, continue my research of the Mor, now specifically focused on how being part Mor affects childhood progress." She blinked, "actually, that''s useful in several ways."


    "And you''ve lost me. Unless you think I''m too stupid to follow the bouncing ball, could you maybe enhance my cluefulness? Gotta tell you, now you''ve got me a little worried about her."


    She looked up at me, then glanced at Marie, "I trust your discretion, Marie, but you''re aware this is, technically, family business?"


    Marie looked a little hurt, a little resigned. "Leave?"


    "NO!" Saffron''s shout would have echoed in a less padded room. "Marie, you must be channeling the Goof. You. Are. Family. No questions. Got it?"


    Hurt and resignation vanished. "Yes!"


    "I just wanted to be sure you knew not to repeat any of this to anyone else." Marie nodded, and Saffron turned back to me. "What do you know of the Mor?"


    "Uh... I''m one. They''re Gods." I cudgeled my brain, then shrugged. "Yeah, that''s about it."


    She sucked in a big lungful of air, blew it out, and said, "so my work is definitely cut out for me. Normally I''d be glad at you knowing so little; working with tabula rasa at least has the advantage of a lack of mistaken preconceptions, but half of what you know is wrong in ways that will definitely confuse the issue."


    I shook my head, snorted, and scooped her into a princess carry, nuzzling her neck and saying, "yeah, so I''m not just ignorant, I''m extra special stupid ignorant. What else is new?" I flopped onto the bed, nodding to Marie to loose the menace on the room. She stepped over the baby fence and started playing some kind of feline pounce game with the little one, who abandoned her Mom-questing to play with her Godmother.


    Saffron sat up in my lap, sighing and squaring her shoulders as she did. "So. Let''s start from the beginning. The Mor are not Gods. The Mor are Primordials."


    I nodded. "Okay. Wait, what about half-Mor and shit?"


    "You know what a Primordial is?"


    I snorted out a little laugh at that, "I better, because I are one. No, seriously though, Loki told me a little, but why don''t you hit me with what you know. I kinda think he feeds me stuff at a normal, reasonable pace, but ''Isnomi might be in trouble'' is not time for ''normal and reasonable''."


    This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.


    She put one hand on my cheek, burning cluttered thoughts of carnal overload into my brain as she said, "you have made your opinion on that more than clear through your actions, love. Terrifying or not, I love you for that as much as anything else." She lowered her hand, shook her head a little as if clearing a slate, and continued, "At any rate, a Primordial is an anthropomorphized personification of some force of nature. Sometimes those things have physical manifestations already, like glaciers and Ymir, or the sun and Elatha. Other times, they embody more conceptual or privative things, like Drought and Gann, or Darkness and Domnu."


    Her hand twitched a little at that, and in a sudden fit of understanding I asked, "why don''t you make that whole ''sign versus evil'' when you talk about them?"


    She smiled up at me, "two reasons. First, it would be rude to do so to my in-laws before even meeting them. Second, I doubt you''d show them any more mercy than you did Artemis'' High Priestess should they harm me."


    "Damn straight I wouldn''t."


    "There you are then. So Primordials are incarnations of forces of nature, and Mor are Primordials."


    "All of them?"


    "All of them."


    "What about half-Mor?"


    "That''s where things get odd. Despite the Mor and the deific Dan interbreeding, none of the resultant offspring are listed as ''half-Mor'' or even ''half-Dan''. In the cases where they were listed as Dan, they faced prejudice and were forced to ''prove themselves'', but none of them were called ''Mor''; the closest is the Dan death-goddess, Morrigan, who even with ''Mor'' in her name is listed as Dan."


    "Okay, but weren''t we just talking about that whole, ''racists gonna racist'' thing?"


    She nodded, "a fair point, and one of the ones that makes it even harder to get good information on the Mor, since the only reason I can research them so thoroughly is that they are traditionally the only meaningful enemies of the Dan. As you might imagine, our local leadership has accumulated a substantial body of literature regarding the Dan."


    "Okay. So Primordials embody forces of nature, and Mor are all Primordials."


    "Correct so far. Now, while most Pantheons have Primordials,"


    I interrupted, "most?"


    "Most. The Dan, for instance, have no Primordials."


    "Morrigan?"


    "Is a Goddess of Death, not the incarnation of Primordial Death. One important difference is that while killing a God might disperse the source of their power, returning it to an associated Primordial or simply dissipating it until and unless they are returned to life, killing a Primordial does not affect their power source, and they will almost certainly spontaneously reconstitute. Sometimes without memory of the event, but more often with both memory and the intent to avenge themselves."


    I opened my mouth, and she paused long enough for me to ask, "so what happens if I kill a Primordial?"


    She shuddered a little. "What do you mean?"


    "Loki tells me that if Mimic kills a God, she takes their power."


    Saffron''s eyes got really big at that. "If what he says is correct? I suspect you would take on the mantle of that Primordial in addition to your own. Which is a terrifying thought which stands out from the sea of terrifying thoughts I''ve thought today."


    "Uh, so what''s my thing?"


    She took a deep breath, "may I continue?"


    That didn''t fill me with confidence, but what the hell. I said, "sure."


    "At any rate, along with Mor being Primordials, they specifically embody things which terrify humans on an instinctual or existential level."


    "Wait, all of them?" She nodded. "Didn''t you say one of them is the sun?"


    "A giant ball of fire which hovers out of reach, capable of literally burning you to death, not quickly like fire, but slowly, almost as if it is baking you?"


    I nodded, "okay, I can see that. I suppose it being fuckin'' huge as shit doesn''t help either."


    She opened her mouth, then shook her head, "not the time. Anyhow, that does bring me to one of the ways the Mor vary; while those who embody forces which could be considered ''protectively'' terrifying are generally seen as ''darkly beautiful'', which is a backhanded Dan compliment if I''ve ever heard one, the rest are all seen as ugly, even deformed."


    A random thought popped into my head. I know, right, who''d have guessed? "Y''know, it sounds almost like the Dan and the Mor are one Pantheon, and they just call the Primordials ''Mor'' and the others ''Dan''."


    Saffron blinked up at me. "I... had never thought of that." She sighed. "More things to research." A tiny grin snuck onto her face. "Who am I trying to kid. It''s probably my second favorite activity."


    "Second favorite?"


    Her grin transformed into That Grin, and the sheets might have got just a little damp. "Oh. Yeah."


    She leaned in and whispered, "a secret between lovers. You''re not the biggest fan of our new Friday routine. That would be me." When a throaty laugh escaped me, she continued trying to force knowledge about my asshole relatives into my head. "Even if they are a single Pantheon, they are a Pantheon divided, what with their ancient rivalries. Although the Dan do not have a proper ''Patriarch'', and Domnu is the Matriarch of the Mor, so you may well be right on that."


    "So, while I''m a big fan of you and bush beating, are you gonna stop long enough to tell me what my thing is?"


    She sighed and looked down. That coincidentally pointed her eyes at my tits, which yanked a smile onto her face. "I''ll... I''m..." She shook her head again. "How many Mor do you know of?"


    "Uh, two? three?" My sphincter tightened as I realized something, "Four, and number four is really fucking with my head at the moment. You told me about Balor whose jawns is Death, and Sengann whose jawns is Disease, and you just mentioned Domnu the Dommy Mommy whose jawns is Darkness, and I have no idea how I know he''s Mor or a him, which is freaking me out a little, but Elatha who''s the Sun."


    "Interesting." She placed a hand on my chest, clearly requesting patience, so I sat on my burning desire to know more as it intensified, kept my mouth shut and listened. "The word is ''domain'', possibly ''portfolio'' for deities with more complex domains, although I would love to know why you use ''jawns''. Is that something bubbling up from your Mor heritage?"


    I laughed. "Nah, that shit''s pure old world Philly. Although to hear people talk about my old Philly, the Mor living there would surprise no one. We are the fuck around and find out town."


    She nodded as if to say, ''okay'', then continued. "So, from my research, the Mor and their domains are as follows: First the eldest, Domnu of Darkness, Matriarch of the Mor. Next is Indech of Chaos, her eldest child, who some say created the Dan in opposition to their mother. Third is Elatha of the Sun, child of Indech, who lay with Danu, mother of the Dan, and fathered Dan children on her. Fourth is Delb¨¢eth of Fire, child of Elatha, who wounded Domnu by being born. Fifth is Balor of Death, son of Domnu, who quenched Delb¨¢eth''s first flame to protect his mother. Sixth are Gann of Drought, and his brother Sengann of Blight, twin sons of Elatha, who ruled as kings those mortals who would later become the Dan and the Bag, until the children of Danu defeated them at the battle of Mag Tuired."


    She went silent. I waited. Eventually I ran out of patience first, because duh.


    "Did you forget something?"


    "The only reference to Mimic I have found thus far is in tomes listed as ''anathematized''. The Academy has two of them, both written by Ogma himself."


    I cut in with, "who''s Ogma?"


    "Dan god of Literature. The most likely reason the Dan did not destroy those two tomes is because they can''t. I suspect that''s why they''re chained up. One of them seemed to have picked its own lock at some point even."


    "Uh..."


    She just looked up at me, spoiling her ''really, Diaz'' look by laughing. "I should have known. No way I could have, but I should have. At any rate, the only reference to Mimic is in those two tomes, specifically their account of the Battle of Mag Tuired. You remember the story Marshall duBois told us?"


    "Yeah, not likely to forget it, since it''s why I nearly pissed myself the first time I made Status work."


    "That is the only reference I have found to Mimic, and I have been searching. In some ways I''m lucky as a High Priestess, because I can just ask my Goddess her opinion on things, and if I mistakenly offend her, she''s tremendously susceptible to bribery with carnal delights. It''s like a child and candy, really. Worse, I''ve known children who couldn''t be bribed with candy. As you might put it, I were one. My Goddess, on the other hand? She falls for it every time."


    I''d been keeping my mouth shut, but it slipped out, I swear. "Y''know, I think I might take offense to that."


    She shot back, "I''ll be sure to make it up to you with extra creative sexual debauchery tomorrow night," which shut me up right then, an absolute slam dunk of proving her point.


    "Okay, so what''s my Domain?"


    She shook her head, a few frustrated tears leaking out. "I. Do. Not. Know. The only way I know you are Mor at all is that your Status says so when you turn Blend off. You are turning Blend all the way off, right?"


    "Yep. I mean, not right now, but if I''m fuzzy, Blend is off."


    Marie looked up at that, her face painted with so much curiosity I sighed and said, "fuckit. Loki''s got lookout," and turned my Blend off. Her tongue darted out and licked her lips a little, but I almost didn''t notice that, disturbing as its implications were, because the menace? She saw me all fuzzy, smiled super big, stuck her hands up in the air, and crowed, "dahda!" Then she turned just as fuzzy as I was, although hers wasn''t pitch black, but a sort of super dark charcoal gray. Worse? Worse-ish, anyhow? She still had her mouth open from crowing, and while her itty bitty bottom incisors were still itty bitty baby bottom incisors? All four of her fuckin'' canine teeth were full on interlocking canine teeth, the kind of shit you''d see in a vampire flick.


    Saffron must be made of sterner stuff than me, because if I''d seen the mouth that reliably nommed my nips sprouting those, I might have checked out right there. She just hummed a little and said, "well, if anything I''m slightly less afraid of her being kidnapped again. Someone getting in reach of her mouth deserves whatever they get."


    "Don''t you stick your tits in her mouth?"


    "I am trying not to freak out about that, because Dining Hall browsing aside, she''s not anywhere near weaned yet." Saffron twisted out of my lap, walked over to Isnomi, picked her up to look her straight in the eye, and said, "Isnomi, no biting mommy. Understand?"


    She nodded. "Na ba ma."


    "If you do, no more nursing for you."


    Her scary grin went away, her eyes suddenly serious as she shook her head and repeated, "na ba ma," then nodded.


    "Yeah, she''s definitely my kid." Saffron turned to me, one eyebrow raised. "''No more Saffron titties'' as a consequence would pretty much kill any chance I was gonna do something too." She laughed and walked back over to me. Right before she sat down next to me, Marie nearly scared the crap out of me, because a seven foot humanoid tiger sneaking up to you will fucking do that. She knelt on the floor in front of me and rubbed her cheek against the outside of my thigh, purring all the while. Saffron just reached out with one hand and interlaced her fingers through one of Marie''s hands, then leaned into me.


    "We do know one thing about Isnomi''s progress, I suppose."


    "What''s that, Saffie-kins?"


    After nipping at my earlobe hard enough she might as well have pierced it, Saffron continued, "along with its many other features, Blend accelerates learning. Between that and her Mor blood, I suppose my fear that her rapid development meant she''d die of old age before me is more or less gone."


    I nodded, then reached down to pull Marie up so I could run my cheek against hers, then turned to Saffron and asked, said, "is that it then?"


    "I''m afraid so. I''ll keep researching."


    I nodded and said, "it''s been a while since I really had Loki teach me anything on a Monday. Nothing serious, anyway. I''ll ask him about it. But if that''s it," I looked Marie in the eye and said, "sorry, sweetie, but I gotta put the fur away." I pushed my Blend back up to normal, then looked at my fuzzy daughter. "Put the fuzzy away, Isnomi."


    She folded her arms across her fuzzy little chest.


    "Not one adultish person in this room has any desire to clean poop out of your fur. Put it away."


    She grumped and huffed and remained obstinately fuzzy.


    "Fine. No cart for fuzzy Isnomi."


    She turned her hurt, betrayed look to Marie, who shook her head and said, "No."


    The menace blubbered a little and turned to Saffron, who said, "don''t look at me. I agree with them. No cart or breastfeeding for fuzzy fanged Isnomi."


    She re-folded her arms, stuck her bottom lip out, all her fuzz disappeared, and she noisily filled her diaper.


    "And that''s seven more days."


    Her mostly fangless mouth dropped open at Saffron''s pronouncement and she cried, "ma!" then turned to me and said, "mama?"


    I looked down at her and said, "sorry, kid. you knew the rules. Seven days, starting tomorrow. Unless you''d rather just stay in diapers for now?"


    She sniffled a little and looked up at her court of last resort. "Mawa?"


    Marie just intoned, "Seven." Isnomi started bawling, so I went and scooped her up, carried her to the desk, and changed her while she cried. Once I had her cleaned up, I slid the light shut, carried her back to her mom, and plonked her open mouth onto a tit, which cut her crying off like a switch. We all curled up around her on the bed. You gotta be strict with kids sometimes, but you don''t gotta be mean about it.


    As I lay there listening to suckling baby noises fade into itty bitty baby snores, I thought as loud as I could, Boss? All done now. Thank you!


    His reply came slower than I''d normally expect, but he didn''t make me go all four year old trying to get mom''s attention again. Think nothing of it, Tabitha Diaz, my most good and faithful devotee.


    Oh yeah, Boss?


    Yes, Tabitha?


    Saffron''s been doing some research and hit a dead end. Since I haven''t really thought of anything new for a while lesson-wise, could you maybe help out?


    Our deal is for me to teach you, not her. Not that I''m entirely unwilling to be convinced, but there are ways of going about these things, you know.


    Could you maybe teach me what she needs to learn, so I can teach her?


    His quiet chuckle nonetheless echoed through the back of my head. While that is far less clever than you might aspire to, it is still clever enough for me to allow it. Certainly, Tabitha. What did you wish to learn about?


    I took a deep breath and, trying for my best ''this is just an innocent request on behalf of the bedpartner who melts my brain with hot sexy times'', thought, she wants to know everything you can find out about Mimic.


    He went quiet for a bit, just long enough for worry to start nibbling its way out from where I''d stashed it somewhere deep inside. I would say ''unexpected'', or ''unusual'', or some other expression that I find your request strange, but I am supposed to be a God of Cleverness, and expecting any form of normalcy from you would be downright stupid. Thank you for warning me; I will need to consult with others, and possibly bring them to visit with us on Monday.


    As the pent-up tension in me dissipated, I thought, Thanks Boss. You''re the best.


    I know. Good night, Tabitha.


    Good night, Boss.


    In the morning Marie took Isnomi for the day, promising to deliver her to Grandma for the night. DuBois still hadn''t returned, so we had Lachlan again, who pretty much just let us do our own thing so long as we didn''t slack, which we didn''t. I mean, Saffron and I didn''t. I still wanna graduate as quick as I can manage it, and I''m not sure Saffron is really capable of ''slacking''. Honestly, I don''t remember many details.


    Something, something, something, visions of Saffron''s plans for our evening erasing everything else out of my head. With prejudice.

 Day One Hundred And Five

    Dear Diary,


    Oh, shit.


    So, not at my best today. Lack of sleep will do that to a body. As will an inspired Kitten repressing things for two whole days. Yeah, we go without for days at a time, we''re not addicts or anything, but we both expected to be doing that stuff yesterday afternoon, and then we got distracted, and then Isnomi happened. Little Menace spent the night with Grandma, who delivered her back to us in the morning. Grandma confirmed she didn''t mess any diapers overnight, so that''s a win, right?


    I think that''s what happened. Don''t quote me on shit today. I''m running on overloaded endorphins and stupid high Endurance.


    We had to take Isnomi through breakfast, because Marie had a little work to do without her. With my new knowledge, her eating habits make a little more sense. Not, like, a lot, but a little. At one point during breakfast she made a point of carrying bacon strips, one at a time, over to Angel and feeding them to her. After breakfast, when Marie carted the menace off, Angel came up to Saffron and I as we walked up to Combat Training.


    "Are... are you guys okay with her playing with me?"


    I didn''t even have to think about that bullshit. "Hey, I''m the one who fucked up and charbroiled a friend, not you."


    "Yeah, but I was in that crowd."


    "So was Bill. So were the Pesces. So were a lot of people. Did you know it was Isnomi up there?"


    "No, but..."


    "No buts. You didn''t know. Did you know the baby''d been kidnapped?"


    She had the grace to look a little offended at that. "Hell no."


    "So as far as you knew, it was some poor little kid who barely lived to make it up there?"


    She shrugged, "yeah, or even," she paused, having to force the next words out, "some kid who didn''t even make it to the altar."


    I pulled her in and put my arms around her. She tensed, but fuckit. If she needed to belt me after this, so be it. "You lost some little ones like that." She nodded. No tears, no snuffling. None left, at a guess. I gave her another squeeze, then pulled back to look at her with an arm on each shoulder. "Not on my fuckin'' watch. You hear about shit like that? You get them to me."


    She looked at the floor. "Doesn''t change what''s happened."


    I shook my head, "no, it doesn''t, and that shit bothers the fuck out of me, but," I heaved out a sigh. "She''s my kid. You know me, I jump first and think later when shit that important isn''t on the line. I''ll do what I can to make things right after, but..." I ran out of steam as my brain reminded me I hadn''t slept the night before. Some of why must have crept into my face, because she laughed and punched me right in the fuckin'' tit.


    "You can''t fuck your way out of this one, Diaz."


    I smiled at her. "Wouldn''t try to. We good?"


    She sighed, still smiling. "No. Not yet. But better than we were yesterday. Dumbass."


    I very conspicuously rubbed where she''d punched me and said, "I hope we''re good soon. That shit stings."


    Saffron wrapped herself around my arm at that point, looked up at Angel, and said, "Don''t let her fool you. She loves it. Watch out, she''s likely to Just Happen to you if you''re not careful."


    At that point we got to the Practice Yard. Lachlan and Cadet Castro stood there chatting. I''m not the greatest at reading body language, if you haven''t figured that shit out yet, but even I could tell that Lachlan would drop his drawers for her at the drop of a hat, and that she found that slightly less appealing than the thought of a simultaneous boiling vinegar douche and enema. No clue if Lachlan didn''t catch that, or if just made her more appealing to him, but I got confirmation of her position on things when she saw us come in and straight up walked away from him, leaving him looking more than a little pissed.


    "Cadet Diaz!"


    I came to attention and snapped a salute before dropping into parade rest. "Yes, Senior Cadet Castro?"


    She laughed at me. Amused, not mocking. "You don''t have to salute me, Cadet. Bowing and scraping and just ''Cadet Castro'' will do. Your friend Pesce asked for you back at the loading docks."


    I leaned around her and called out, "Senior Cadet Lancaster, I''ve been requested at the loading docks; you okay if I go now?"


    After glowing at Castro for a few more seconds, he looked at me and after a moment''s thought replied, "make it quick."


    "Yes, sir!" Castro''s laughter followed me out the door, dopplering behind me as I sprinted away. Much as I''d done the other day, I kept the sprint up all the way to the Entrance.


    When I got there, I asked the Guard, "I''ve got to go talk with somebody dropping something off here at the loading docks. Where would I go for that?"


    He chuckled a little and said, "which ones?"


    "Uh... I dunno?"


    He shrugged. "Technically the docks themselves are straight down at the bottom of the river side of the hill; there''s a path there from the basement entrances. But people also call the basement entrances ''loading docks'', so if your visitor came in via cart, they''re probably there."


    I facepalmed. "They''re a fisherman. With a ship."


    He laughed and shrugged this time. "No help here then, I''m afraid. You''ll have to check both."


    Before I could tell him ''thanks'', a chime rang through the hallway, and he held up a hand. Before I could ask why, Headmaster Miles'' voice reverberated through the hallway at the same time something outside the doors hit them with an echoing thud. "Attention. All Faculty, Staff, Guards, and Cadets report to the Dining Hall at once. I repeat, all Faculty, Staff, Guards, and Cadets report to the Dining Hall at once. Any Academy Visitors, remain in your current locations until advised otherwise. I repeat, any Academy Visitors are hereby ordered by Councilman Miles to remain in your current locations until advised otherwise. Consequences will ensue should you leave your current locations. All Academy Faculty, Staff, Guards, and Cadets, report to the Dining Hall at once."


    When Headmaster Miles'' voice cut off, I grabbed the Guard by the arm and pointed at the door. "What the hell was that?"


    He glanced at me, grabbed the arm I''d grabbed him with and started towing me with it as he replied, "Headmaster Miles has just sealed the Academy, and since we''re probably the only people closer to the Dining Hall than him and maybe some Maids, we''d better get there first, don''t you think?"


    "Oh fuck. Yeah." I stopped making him tow me and more or less tow-raced him to the doors to the Dining Hall. We got there just as some Guards who''d been sitting in the Guard / Security room did, and the six of us beat anybody except some Maids to the Dining Hall. The Maids there had stopped with their basic cleaning routine and were stacking tables on the sides of the room, except for a pair who set a pair of tables on the dais at the front of the Hall to make a kind of stage. I raced to get a front-and-center spot, but the Guards broke away to flank the door itself. Headmaster Miles came in and headed for the stage, followed by a Senior Cadet I vaguely remembered seeing at my Court Martial. After that people poured into the Hall, Cadets lining up around and behind me, while the Maids lined the walls, eventually joined by the Maintenance smiths, the Librarian''s assistants, and the Infirmary orderlies, including Grandma Aetos.


    The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.


    At some point during the rush Saffron nudged her way in next to me. Headmaster Miles looked down at her, not accusing, just questioning, and she said, just loud enough to carry to him, "I''m short." He smiled at that.


    His smile evaporated when the sound of the Dining Hall doors closing accompanied a distressingly distinctive, "DAHDA!" Like they had a cable towing them, my eyes swiveled around to see Marie standing at the head of the line of Maids, one hand holding each of Isnomi''s calves as the menace straddled her head, her hands in the air, looking around until she spotted us, then repeating, "DAHDA!" When Headmaster Miles cleared his throat, my gaze snapped back to him, only to find him staring at my Maid and my daughter, completely unamused.


    A third, "dahda?" drew my gaze back to the pair, and I only heard the Headmaster speak because he stood maybe six feet away from us, with nothing in between. "Maid Marie, I believe I made it clear that Visitors were to remain in their current locations?" That kinda puckered my sphincter, but not nearly as much as Marie''s only reply, a Look that very clearly communicated to Headmaster Miles her firm conviction that while he was the Headmaster of her Academy, he was the Headmaster of HER Academy, and the menace went where she did. There may have been a strong subtext of her taking up the discussion with the next Headmaster if Miles didn''t agree. I didn''t dare eyes front until he muttered, "keep her quiet, I need everyone''s full attention." Out of the corner of my eye I saw Marie nod, releasing one of Isnomi''s chubby calves to put a single finger across the rugrat''s lips.


    With everyone''s attention back on him, at least as much as he would get with Isnomi eight feet in the air at the front corner of the room, he spoke, his voice filling the Hall. "Thank you all for coming so quickly. I have just received a report from Marshall duBois. New Amsterdam has deployed Heroes and Levies along the border to either side of Millstone River. He has requested that we arrange an immediate relief column, begin immediate recruitment and training of volunteers, and convene the Council for a Conditional Declaration of War pending New Amsterdam''s troops crossing the border in force."


    I''ll say this for our training. Nobody shouted, cried, or even made a whole lot of noise when he paused for breath. Hell, Isnomi made the loudest noise in the room nomming poor Marie''s finger.


    "Cadet Lachlan Lancaster."


    Lachlan, who''d been standing a couple rows back surrounded by our Combat Training class, replied, "Yes, Headmaster!"


    "Upon the end of this meeting, you are ordered to summon your father. Inform him of the situation in as much detail as required. I will be requesting that he take command of our forces in Phileo City until such time as they are ready to deploy to reinforce Marshall duBois."


    "Yes, Headmaster!"


    "Senior Cadet Daphne Castro."


    "Yes, Headmaster!"


    "Upon the end of this meeting, you will take three Guards in four throughout Phileo City proper, along with any volunteers with previous combat experience available, and lead a column to relieve Marshall duBois, to leave no later than daybreak tomorrow."


    Castro sounded more than a little out of breath, and maybe even a little confused, when she replied, "Yes, Headmaster!"


    "A moment, Senior Cadet. Hero MacCrae?"


    A guy I''d never seen before stepped up to the table and, after placing a single hand atop it, hopped up to stand next to the Headmaster, on the far side from the guy I assumed was the messenger from duBois. He had the kind of faded skin that told me he''d been dark skinned in his youth, and the kind of confidence that told me there were probably a lot of little dark skinned kids around somewhere. "Thank you, Headmaster." He turned to face the crowd. The day I''d got here I would have thought he moved smoothly, but I''d watched duBois. This guy had to have at least a couple decades on the Marshall, if not more. He had wrinkles crossing wrinkles, and faded scars showing where his uniform didn''t cover him. His uniform, superficially similar to our Cadet ones, looked different in a dozen tiny ways. Different cut. Buttons just a little bit different shape. More, smaller ruffles on the neck. His slacks narrowed just a little more sharply than ours. Along with everything else, while he wore it well and it had held up well, I just felt age radiating off of it. "Cadets! For the past few years it''s been my honor to train Senior Cadets here at Phileo Heroic. A final service I could still perform for my adopted home." He sighed. "But I''m... not the Hero I once was. Not since..." he paused after those two muttered words, then shook his head, tapping his temple with a finger. "Even this stuff is slower these days. I''d love one last fight, but I''m not the kind of arrogant ass who will put you kids in danger just to feel young one more time. Archivist Saturday?"


    "Yes, Hero MacCrae?" I swear to god I heard Sister Cheryl sniffling a little as she responded.


    "If you would record my final opponent as ''Kronos''. Please?"


    "Of course, Hero MacCrae."


    Hero MacCrae sighed once, deeply, and he seemed to deflate as he did so. The man Sister Cheryl rushed forward to help down from the stage had more wrinkles, ashy skin, he even looked a little shorter. Before he could step down, Headmaster Miles reached out and lay a hand on his shoulder. "Mister MacCrae?" MacCrae didn''t respond, just turned his head to look back at the Headmaster. "Phileo City thanks you for your service. You are welcome at Phileo City Heroic Academy, for now and forevermore, to instruct or simply to stay, at your pleasure." He relaxed just a little, and continued with a warm smile, "I''m sure our Senior Cadets would love to receive the benefit of your experience, even if you''ve laid down the mantle."


    MacCrae chuckled. "I don''t know about all that. Think I might go do some fishing. But any time your kids think I''ve got an answer they need, they''re welcome to ask."


    He turned to take Sister Cheryl''s offered hand down, but before he could the Headmaster glanced at the room and nodded. I didn''t catch on until the third word, but you bet your ass I chimed in as loud as my lungs could go once I did, as the entire Hall shook as every Cadet in the place shouted in unison, "Thank you, Hero MacCrae!"


    A tiny, tinny voice echoed, "da ga, hara ma cay." Old dude had a big old grin on his face and a few tears leaking out his eyes as Sister Cheryl helped him down from the stage.


    Headmaster Miles called out, "Senior Cadet Daphne Castro!"


    "Yes, Headmaster!"


    "You are hereby requested and required to accept promotion to the status of Hero, effective immediately, your previously accepted orders still in force."


    "Yes, Headmaster!" Her voice echoed in the confined space in a way it hadn''t a moment before.


    "Thank you, Hero Castro. Doctor Roberts?"


    "Yes, Headmaster?"


    "Will you please handle liaising with the University Magi to acquire their assistance in conveying the situation to our Heroes in the field, with the request that they return to the City as quickly as possible?"


    "Consider it done."


    "Thank you, Doctor."


    His gaze raked across the assembled Cadets. "All other Cadets: you are hereby requested and required to contact any and all Veterans and potential Volunteers of which you are aware. Inform them that Phileo City is requesting Volunteers. Combat Veterans will be accorded Sergeant status and pay. Volunteers will be paid at normal Guard rates for the length of their service, unless such time as they see combat, at which time they will receive combat pay for any days they see combat. Volunteers are to report to the front steps, where Senior Cadets and Faculty will vet their suitability for service. All Cadets will make themselves available as needed for vetting, training, communication, and leadership duties. Classes will be held as normal, instructors are to prepare instructional documentation for Cadets unable to attend due to other duties. Cadets will remain responsible for review, study, and practice as usual. Devotional sequesters are suspended until further notice; Cadets, you are honor bound to attend to whatever Devotional duties your Patrons expect of you in addition to your other duties. Doctor DeLeon, Sister Trease?"


    From the sides of the room I heard Doc DeLeon and Trease reply, "Yes, Headmaster?" just a little out of synch.


    "I will require you to arrange duty rosters and rotations within your dormitories. You will receive Duty requirements as I compile them, no less than twice a day at breakfast and dinner."


    "Yes, Headmaster."


    "Cadets!"


    We didn''t shake the room like we had for Hero MacCrae, but the Hall still echoed when we replied, "Yes, Headmaster!"


    "You know your duties. I pray the Gods lead the House of Orange to see reason, but if the leaders of New Amsterdam choose the path of violence," he paused, and only my proximity let me see the way his nostrils flared with a tiny sigh, "correct their mistake. Dismissed."


    The response to that varied. Plenty of the Cadets let out a coordinated cheer. I even heard a certain someone crowing from her perch atop Marie''s head. For me, I stepped forward to help the Headmaster down from his stage.


    "Thank you, Cadet."


    I squeezed his hand a little and asked, "you okay, Sir?"


    He cocked his head, considering me for a moment before saying, "why do you ask?"


    I smiled up at him. I''m tall for a woman, but he''s a decent height for a guy. Six foot, maybe six one. "You''re not a soldier. You''re a teacher. Can''t be easy to send students out to die."


    He took a deep breath, and I saw that clockwork soul catch, if only for an instant. "No. No it is not, Cadet Diaz. But I do what I must." He looked over my shoulder and nodded. "I think someone''s looking for you."


    I turned just in time to catch Isnomi as she leapt from Marie''s head into my arms, twisting just a little as her weight hit me. She reached out, and I turned to let her lay a chubby little hand on his cheek. I saw the clockwork soul go still; not caught, just for one tiny moment peaceful. "Ah ga da, hamada."


    I watched his clockwork soul shudder before it started turning again. "I''m supposing your daughter will eventually attend?"


    "I expect she will, Headmaster. She seems more suited to this than academia across the river," Saffron said from behind me.


    He nodded, rubbing one hand atop the menace''s head before turning to go. "I suppose I''d best be ready to retire to something less strenuous by then." As he walked away, he muttered, clearly just loud enough for us to hear, "I''ve heard there are men who wrestle swamp dragons in Jackville. That sounds much simpler."

 Day One Hundred And Six

    Dear Diary,


    So, the past two days have been a ''learning experience''. Thing is? I gotta hand it to the Academy, while none of it''s been fun, I''ve yet to hit anything that even gave me pause as to whether I could do it. Whether I wanted to? Whether I should? Whether I''m really the right woman for the job? Oh, hell to the yeah on all that. But Can I? Absolutely.


    So after seeing proto-Crocodile-Hunter Miles safe back in his office, I remembered I''d left a Pesce, I presumed Joseph, hanging at the loading docks. Hoping like hell he''d gotten trapped in the lockdown and didn''t just think I''d been avoiding him, I jogged down to the basement, and after a little bit of spinning in a circle and a lot of making puppy dog eyes at Saffron, who''d followed me, found the backside of the school and the ''loading docks''. I got there just as the massive solid chunk of stone outside the wagon-sized doors went away. I saw it happen, but I still couldn''t tell if it dropped into the ground, rose up above the doors, or just fuckin'' disintegrated. There one moment, gone the next, and I''ve got no idea how, which bugged me way more than I wanted to admit, especially since I had to be on my best Grown Up High Priestess behavior.


    Joseph Pesce stood there between two cartloads of fish, the top of the carts level with the floor we stood on. I got why they called them ''docks'' now; the raised areas you could step right onto the cart from three sides looked kinda like a berth. I''d love to be all smooth and talk about yellowtail tuna and tilapia and, I dunno, haddock? But that would require me to know thing fuckin'' one about fish. Fish is fish. Mince it, shape it, bread it, fry it, and you''ve got fish sticks. Get a vaguely Asian dude with scary knife skills and some rice and you''ve got sushi. Mix it with a little oil and mustard and, uh, mayo? I think? I''m not sure on mayo, because I am, as I''ve noted, Not White, but I think it goes in tuna salad, which makes a decent hoagie that''s too far from the source to recognize if it''s fucked up. Yes, the only aspect of fish I am aware of is how it can be nommed. Is there anything surprising whatsoever about this?


    Anyway, Joseph saw me and his face lit up. He hurried over, and I managed to catch him before he dropped to his knees and started kowtowing or some shit. "Joseph! Good to see you, man!" I pulled him into a quick bro hug, then pushed him back far enough, my hands on his shoulders, that I could look him over. He looked good, for the value of ''good'' that meant ''stinks of sweat and fish, wearing ragged clothes that barely ensured decency, with residual bits of blood and scale scattered across him and obviously ground into the clothes he had on''. But he had a satisfied smile on his face, and while he slumped a little, the slump conveyed a hard working dude at the end of a hard day''s work, not somebody beaten into the ground by bullshit.


    "High Priestess, I..."


    I interrupted him with a raised hand. "Call me Tabitha."


    He pulled back just a little, scandalized. "I... I couldn''t!"


    I rolled my eyes, just a little, before saying, "Yeah, okay, but I''m a big girl with a functioning spine and legs. I don''t need you blowing smoke up my ass to inflate me."


    Saffron cut in with, "trust me, my wife has an inflated enough opinion of herself as it is."


    He got a look in his eyes that took me a second to parse. "It''s an honor to meet the wife of our High Priestess." He followed that up with a little bow, but I caught the little eye-flickers of a dude who had no problem with Sapphic chicks, because he figured they might, at some point, need a penis, and if he played his cards right he might get tapped. Fuck it, if he stays polite I''m fine with him filing us away in his spank bank. Not like I''ve asked permission of everybody I thought about while flicking the bean, so it''s all good, right?


    "Yeah, unless it''s some kinda formal shit we''re dealing with, Cadet Diaz is fine." I shrugged, my Big Girl Panties chafing a little as I added, "Priestess Diaz is okay as well, if you gotta go that way."


    He nodded, "I wanted to thank you for helping us, and apologize that I think our next shipment might be delayed, and pass on some information?"


    My brow furrowed a little, but I tried to keep it curious, not upset. "Somebody giving you shit?"


    He shrugged, waggled one hand, and said, "not exactly? More that we noticed a few more Amsterdam boats further south than they''d normally be, and at least one of them wasn''t a proper fishing boat at all."


    I didn''t bother to ask him how he knew the difference between a fishing boat and ''not a fishing boat''. I can tell you the difference between a delinquent and a narc dressed as a delinquent, but fuck if I could tell you how. "Yeah. Amsterdam''s got a bug up their ass about something. That''s what the lockdown was about, the Headmaster giving us all our marching orders. If you''re not feeling safe out fishing while shit''s going down, we''re looking for Volunteers. Standard Guard pay, unless you''ve got combat experience?" He shook his head the tiniest amount. "I don''t know what the fuck ''standard Guard pay'' is, but it''s gotta be better than starving, right?"


    He''d drooped way away from ''happy, confident'' as I spoke, but when I finished he nodded. "You''ve got the right of it. Not a fisherman out there who hasn''t fought at least one other guy who thought stealing fish would be easier than catching them, but nothing the Powers would call ''combat experience''." He sighed a little, then looked at me hopefully. "Unless we''ll be crewing some new warships? Still not pleased to be fighting, but at least I know my way around a ship."


    Inspiration struck. "Oh. Oh, shit. Okay, Joe? Stay right here, don''t go anywhere, and don''t unload these just yet." He nodded, obviously confused, but equally obviously not going to question his High Priestess. That threw some flutters down south, having somebody just do what I said without having to argue them into it, but I had no time. I grabbed Saffron and towed her along behind me. "We gotta find Hero Castro."


    Saffron nodded. "She''s been working out of the Guard office since the Marshall left." We both double timed it up to the Guard office, only to find it standing open, a small line of people outside, Castro sitting at a cramped little desk in a cramped little office, a Senior Cadet standing there getting orders before he dashed out and the next guy in line went in. We got in line and Saffron took my hand to quietly ask, "what are you thinking, Goof?"


    I smiled down at her choice of name, a balm after that chafing ''High Priestess'' shit. "Okay, I got a couple ideas. I was just gonna throw ''em at the wall and see what sticks..."


    She smiled back up, "but that might not be the best way to present them. They are?"


    "Okay, first one is seeing if we''re going to be building any new warships, or pulling any out of mothballs down at the shipyard."


    "I''d ask how you know about the shipyard, but..."


    I grinned at a memory. "Not the biggest one in the country, but the most badass, just south of where the temples are here. Built the biggest almost-legal battleship in history, eighteen inches bigger than her sisters, filled to the brim with over-the-horizon fuck you in a variety of calibers." I shot her a mental image of the New Jersey, and she almost hid her shudder. I''m married to an ammosexual, but you know what? I''m surprisingly okay with it. "Anyway, I figure if we can mass produce some big brothers for Vulcan, we can teach the Oranges whose ocean it is."


    She mouthed the words, ''mass produced'', but I shook my head as the next guy left the Guard office and we moved forward. "No time right now, but I think that one''s gonna blow your mind, grind your gears, or prolly both. Anyway, second thought was that the front is probably closer to some spot a ways north along the Delaware, so Castro could save some time and boot leather by loading the relief column up in Joe''s boat."


    She shook her head, but not in a completely negatory way. "One fishing boat is unlikely to hold the entire relief column, but there are more fishing boats on the waterfront, most of whom would prefer to haul cargo than try to fish while trying to avoid ''Damn pirates."


    "Ooh, I see what you did there. is that you or?" at her quick, smiling headshake, I continued with, "Okay, my third idea is more long-term; an army marches on its stomach, and if we control the Delaware, that gives us a way shorter unsecured supply line than the ''Damn Army. That''s so... I love it, even if it isn''t a Saffron original."


    "I know, right? Let me introduce things, and you can elaborate on anything that needs it?" When I nodded, she asked, "how do you know all this? We haven''t studied it in class. I''m not even sure there is a class, although I saw there is a higher level course about logistics, but I''m pretty sure you haven''t taken that one."


    I shrugged. "I mean, I might have, kinda sorta. The parts of ROTC about ''here''s how to recognize whose dick to polish hardest'' never really appealed, but I got pretty good at D&C," at her quizzical look, I explained, "Drill and Ceremony. Marching around in circles and shit, but coordinated circles rather than shitty ones. D&C practice got us outside and feels kinda good, like being in a crew that has your back. But sometimes when we had a spare day, or somebody realized that our DIs were as human as anybody and loved talking about cool shit, we''d talk about actual war shit, and logistics always popped up. Sort of the boring end of fighting, I guess? But it popped up all the goddamned time, and I might be stupid but I''m not dumb as a mouth breathing box of rocks stupid. I''m not gonna confuse my curling iron for my vibrator a second time." I smiled in memory. Of the DIs'' stories about actual war shit, not the Incident Which Shall Not Be Repeated. Ow. Marie notwithstanding, still not into pain. "Heh. I still remember the guys all sitting there looking at the DI with the kind of attention they''d normally pay to a masturbating supermodel, then trying to argue about how big their man parts were. Always got bored with that part of the conversation."


    "Of course you did, Goof." She turned to me and tossed on a serious look almost good enough to fool me before she said, "why would you need bother with such a contest? I assure you, your metaphoric dick is just barely on the orgasmic side of painfully large."


    My collapse into laughter got interrupted by Castro calling out, "okay, Big Dick Magee and wife, what do you need?"


    Saffron and I stepped forward, her taking the lead, me standing just behind her left shoulder, dropping into Parade Rest in the wingman position. "Tabitha discovered some possibly pertinent intelligence regarding enemy movements, and had some strategically viable recommendations."


    Castro''s eyebrow shot up. "Tabitha did?"


    Saffron loosened up just long enough to blurt out, "I know, right?" before she straightened back up and reported, "a fisherman who just arrived back from the coast with a delivery of fish for the Academy reports there are a larger than normal number of New Amsterdam fishing boats pushing down the coast, and some of them are only disguised as fishing boats."


    Castro took a deep breath, then blew it out. "Fuck. Good to know. We don''t really have an Admiral at the moment, and my gut tells me Hero Lancaster is the wrong man for that job, but we''ll have to get enough warships in the water to keep the Delaware in our hands, at least."


    I interrupted with, "Maybe a chain across the narrowest part of the river?"


    She blinked, then chewed at her lip a little as she said, "that would be laughably expensive, although the war fighter in me thinks it would be equally effective. Was that one of your ideas?"


    Saffron and I shook our heads, "uh, no, just thought of it."


    Castro barked out a laugh. "Marshall duBois is right about you."


    "How so?"


    She looked me right in the eye and said, "he told me, and I quote, ''that crazy bitch has the best instincts for how to wreck somebody''s shit that I have ever fucking seen''." When we both stood there a little slack jawed, she said, "more alcohol than anyone but a graduate of duBois'' training could survive drinking might have been involved. But ''in vino veritas''."


    "Pfft. What does that even mean?"


    "Again I quote the man himself, ''drunk fuckers can''t lie for shit''" All three of us chuckled, and she looked back at Saffron. "Thank you for the information, but you had suggestions? My less civilized instincts await with bated breath Tabitha''s next suggestion for delivering hurt unto our enemies."


    "Surprisingly, ma''am, they''re logistical insights."


    "Oh, this I have to hear."


    "First, regarding your relief column, Phileo City has many small fishing ships that can navigate a meaningful distance north on the Delaware. Those ships currently can''t safely fish, so we could employ them to transport the column north, delivering the relief to a point closer to the Marshall''s location faster and with less exertion on the part of the troops in the column."


    Castro looked doubtful. "Not sure if it''d be faster. I''ll have to double check who can do what and who''s ready, but we might be faster overland. Also, none of our Volunteers are qualified Marines."


    I shook my head and cut in, "Ma''am, I''m not talking about an amphibious assault or naval melees. Just delivering the troops like cargo. You don''t need to be a Marine to do that. A potato can do that. I mean, yeah, the potato''s probably smarter, but you get my point."


    What? It was an Army ROTC program. I got shit to throw for days.


    Castro nodded. "That makes a lot more sense. I''m still not sure if it''s faster though."


    Saffron cut in with, "that does lead into our next suggestion though. Instead of sending supplies over the Franklin and overland, so long as we control the Delaware we can use our fishing fleet to transport materials to the closest point along the Delaware to the front. Our supply line would be shorter, faster, and almost directly behind our combat forces instead of strung out to the south."


    Castro looked at me like I''d grown another head, and she wasn''t grossed or pissed, but trying to figure out whether it had just as much fuckery as the old one. "I''m definitely relaying these to the Marshall. Including their source. Next?"


    Saffron nodded and said, "Cadet Diaz and I are unaware of Phileo City''s current naval status, but she and I have recently developed a new weapon which she assures me can be scaled up to," she paused, a catch in her voice when she finished, "naval or siege weapon scale."


    Castro got a weird look, close kin to ''what the fuck, Diaz?'', but somehow positive. Like, less, ''why did you make me think that with my own brain'', and more ''fuck me up, chaos cleric''. Weird sensation, that someone would, y''know, value the part of me that inevitably caused most of my worst bullshit.


    "I''d like a demonstration of this weapon between now and dawn tomorrow." Saffron nodded. I don''t know if Castro knew her well enough to spot the signs, but my Kitten for one looked forward to the ''demonstration''. "how fast can we make them?"


    If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.


    Saffron sighed, "the original took a week of work from myself and Jon the Smith."


    Castro shook her head, sighing, "I''ll still want to see, if only to see for myself your wife''s penchant for new and terrifying ways to deliver hurt to people in desperate need of it, but unless this war drags on too long, they probably won''t see action. Definitely not with the relief column."


    "Wait a minute," both of them turned to me, and I sucked up my sudden embarrassment to ask, "you and Jon had to figure out how to turn my wacky-assed idea into an actual weapon, right?" At Saffron''s nod, I continued, "and the paint job looks cool as shit, but all it really needs is something to keep it from rusting, right?" She nodded again, and now Castro shot me a considering look. "Okay, so we just grab up every smith we can lay hands on and set up a production line." Saffron tried to interrupt, but before I could check myself I rolled over her with, "We might not get more than a handful done before morning, but that''d be a hell of an edge; I''ll bet we put one of those bad boys in duBois'' hands and any enemy commander in line of sight is gonna wind up with a serious headache. Briefly."


    I''d been looking at Saffron as I explained, hoping she''d be able to translate into ''normal, sane Celtic'', but Castro''s comment dragged my gaze to her. "Cadet Diaz, what is a ''production line."


    Oh, shit.


    Saffron raised one eyebrow, trotting out a new Grin, this one clearly intended to convey, ''I wish I''d brought popcorn''. Oh, shit indeed. I want to hear this as well, Goof. Out with it.


    I''m pretty sure Saffron is Pavloving me with that phrase, because your girl''s hindbrain-to-crotch hotline started blaring out, ''obey. obey. obey.'' "Okay, so which can a smith make faster; ten different things, or ten identical things?"


    Saffron shrugged, but Castro said, "I took an elective with the smiths. I''m nowhere near an expert, but I''d bet a round of beers on the smith making ten of the same thing. You get a rhythm going."


    I nodded, "yeah, exactly. Now what about a smith who just does nothing but make that same thing, as fast as he can do it just right, over and over and over again?" At Castro''s nod of agreement, I continued, but out of the corner of my eye I saw Saffron frowning, her eyes disconnected from her brain, which had just raced ahead of all us mere mortals.


    Fuckit, you know what I mean. Also, weird time to discover that my wife has Resting Bitch Face. Happy making too, since I saw it so rarely, which even I know means I make her happy enough to smile.


    "Okay, so you get each smith making just one kind of part, then you have a bunch of dudes just putting them together. Like, even better if you can do the same thing, like where one guy puts the gearbox together, one guy mounts the bow, and they''re all just handing it to the next guy."


    Castro looked at me, shot a confused look at Saffron, whose mind had left us behind to go play in Saffron Brain Land, which I figured the rest of us would barely understand her explanation of, let alone keeping up with her, then shoved herself to her feet and said, "that might work. Maybe. Until I leave, I''ve got just enough authority to get your crazy scheme started, but I need to know if it''s worth it. I''ll be needing that demonstration now."


    "Damn."


    "What?"


    "Usually people just call them ''antics''. Must be my day, getting upgraded to ''scheme''" Then another thought hit me, and my brain went into overdrive. "Shit."


    "Problem?''


    "We tested it in the back yard, but I''m guessing the lockdown was for security?" At her nod I continued, "we can''t put last week back in the box, but I don''t want to test it outside the Academy."


    She shrugged, "not a problem. I''ll commandeer the Practice Yard."


    "Yeah. About that. You''ll take responsibility for any damage to the Yard, right?"


    Ten minutes later we stood in the Yard, a group of Cadets I''d only seen in passing gathered as an audience while, as Saffron displayed her hitherto unknown exhibitionist streak when she reverently unboxed Vulcan with Hero Castro watching, I stacked up a line of target dummies. The closest stood one paver from the wall on one of the short sides of the Yard, and I''d stacked the rest up assholes to elbows all the way to the wall, with a few more bunched up around the one with its back to the wall. When I raced over to Saffron, who stood one paver shy of the far end of the Yard, I waved the onlookers back to stand behind the line Saffron knelt on.


    Castro looked at me curiously, "are you worried that much about Cadet Aetos'' aim?"


    I shook my head, smiling. "Nope. Ricochets."


    "Ricochets."


    "Ma''am? I''m gonna be providing Saff with a firing platform just to put me between her and the target." I raised my voice a little bit, "all due respect, but any chucklefucks who need to see so bad they''re gonna stand around here spectating instead of going down to the Dining Hall deserve what they get."


    Castro chuckled, "I''m sure they could just shelter in the sheds."


    I took a knee in front of Saffron, snorting as I said, "shelter. Yeah. Keep thinkin'' that."


    Castro shot me a skeptical look, but Saffron took over the demonstration at that point. "At this point Vulcan is almost fully disarmed. I''ve strung him, but as you can see there''s no tension on the cord. He could be stored this way if needs must. But to demonstrate the full loading time," she started pumping, only instead of the reverential, almost seductive attitude she''d had last week, this time she pumped him like a porn star getting paid by the money shot. Maybe ten seconds later at the outside, she held him out toward Castro. "He''s now cocked," she slid the little catch that held the cocking lever in place, "locked," she spun, and I bowed forward, my head practically in her crotch, my arms loosely around her waist with one hand surreptitiously charging a Stabilize as she knelt, her elbow braced on my back, "and those dummies are fucked."


    She squeezed the trigger, and ammosexual or not, Saffron, Vulcan, and I experienced simultaneous release as his thrum vibrated the paver beneath us through us. I didn''t hear it, though, because the Yard suddenly filled with a series of shattering crunches, an assortment of screams of fear and pain, and a single huge cracking noise. I could tell by feel that Saffron''s worst consequence was a desperate need for new panties, so before anything else, obeying some mysterious post-coital instinct I twisted around and whispered, "show off," before licking Vulcan''s enameled butt. A quick peck at Saffron''s cheek before I stood and raced down the line of Cadets, dropping my first Stabilize into a woman lying on the ground with her eyes closed and a really awful ragged tear across her face. The only other major injury I had to Stabilize and Heal Injury a dude, both after yanking a foot long splinter out of his chest.


    After that I sauntered back to Castro, glancing down range to take in the shattered wreckage of dummies in a claymore-like blast pattern pointing toward a shattered impact crater that glowed faintly blue in the center. When I stepped up to where she stood behind Saffron, who knelt in front of Vulcan''s case packing him away, Castro looked up at me from the yard long ragged-tipped spear she clutched in one hand and breathed out, "Ogma''s puckered asshole." Then she giggled like a schoolgirl and followed that up with, "so, we''re gonna need more smiths."


    By morning they''d only finished three, and when we tested them they didn''t hit nearly as hard as Vulcan. I mean, they still shattered the living fuck out of a couple target dummies per shot, and the one missed shot wound up burying itself about an inch into the wall of the Yard. Weirdest thing is when we pulled out Vulcan to compare them, to see if we''d done something wrong, or if the stars had changed alignment or some shit? Not only did he put another starburst in the Yard wall, all his little siblings managed reasonable approximations of the same. Still not up to his sheer terrifying down range destruction, but any man portable weapon that can accurately hammer a steel spike four inches into magically reinforced slabs of stone pretty much qualifies as a ''sufficiently effective weapon''.


    At the end of that test, Castro looked at Saffron and said, "I''m sorry to do this, but I think we''ll need your Vulcan to come along with the relief column." While I hid my reaction to the thought the inevitable result of duBois armed with Vulcan, Saffron nodded, choked down a sob, hugged Vulcan to herself once, then held him out to Hero Castro. She reached out to take him with an appropriate fucking amount of reverential awe.


    And tugged Saffron off her feet. Apparently Vulcan had an opinion on his deployment. Even when she opened her hands completely, he stuck to her palms. When Castro let go and Saffron packed him away in his case, then tried to hand her the case? Same fuckin'' thing. Right about then my chuckles started, and when Saffron set the case down, only for Hero Castro to look like Tony Stark trying to pick up Mjolnir when she tried to lift the case? I lost it. I fell to the ground, rolling around as I cackled with undisguised glee.


    "This situation is not funny, Cadet."


    I looked up at Hero Castro, squinting at her through the tiny gap between my thumb and index finger. "Lil'' bit funny."


    She sighed, rolled her eyes, and grinned a grin I remembered from so many of the vets back in Camden when they had to deal with getting second best, because in the military that''s way better than getting the lowest bidder shit they usually had to deal with. "Okay. Maybe it''s a little funny." She looked back at Saffron. "I''m sorry."


    "Why are you apologizing to me? It''s my weapon that''s misbehaving. Not a phrase I ever thought I''d say."


    That got a real chuckle out of Castro, and she explained, "no, I''m apologizing because I absolutely shouldn''t be hoping this turns into a war bad enough we need to pull non-Senior Cadets onto the field. Because I would dearly love to see the look on the Oranges'' faces when Vulcan fires at them."


    "If I didn''t have a wife and child, I would not only volunteer, I would insist on accompanying you."


    Castro closed her eyes and nodded. "Fucking Oranges are still gonna get a hell of a surprise when we get the first shipment of these to the front." She paused a moment, then got a funny look on her face when she said, "wait, do I remember correctly that these can be scaled up for use as siege or shipborne weapons?"


    I immediately forgave my sexy little High Priestess when she channeled the Racoon God of Ammosexuals and growled, "oh. Yeah."


    We staggered back to our room after seeing the relief column march off toward the bridge, Hero Castro with a leather case slung over her shoulder that obviously had gotten Loki''s blessing in his guise of ''God of Lies'', what with it somehow looking ''innocuous''.


    You realize as my High Priestess, it is within your purview to gift my blessings and boons as you see fit?


    Oh, shit, boss. Shit''s gone down. I sniffed. I hate to ask, but could you give me like half an hour to get a bath? I''ve been crazy busy since yesterday morning, and haven''t slept yet, and I smell like you''d expect.


    Only in the non-negotiable case that you bring your delightful child along with you.


    "Loki wants Isnomi along today."


    From behind me, maybe eight feet in the air, I heard, "lama! Lama!", then spun to catch the incoming airborne menace.


    Marie towed her cart along behind her, tub perched atop it. I looked up at her, catching myself before I hugged her and covered her in ''eau de rank Diaz''. "I love you, Marie." I turned to Saffron. "Mind if I go first? Oh, and did you want to come along?"


    Saffron chuckled sadly, "of course, love. Your Patron awaits you." She shook her head. "Unfortunately, after I get my own bath I would be derelict in my duty and forgetting my people if I didn''t go visit the Yards with news about the Volunteering opportunity."


    "Shit. Yeah, you''re right," when Marie closed the door behind us, I continued, "see if you can hitch a ride to the Yards with Pesce?" Saffron must be rubbing off on me, or the smart ideas are overflowing her brain into mine or something, because another inspiration hit just then. I turned to Marie and asked, "can you make hats?" She nodded, shrugging at the same time, as if to say she wasn''t a Hat Witch, but she could knock something together. Or get one of the other Maids to do it, or something. I took a minute while I stripped down for my bath to describe a tricorn hat and the ship''s wheel symbol for Navy Quartermasters. "Can you get that to him when it''s done, Kitten?"


    Saffron looked up at me from where she''d been helping Isnomi engage with the chamber pot, "to be sure, love, but why me?"


    I grinned at her and explained, "because I want you to let him know that Cadet Diaz, the High Priestess of Loki, and Loki''s Councilwoman have dubbed him Phileo City''s Commodore in Charge of Supply Transport. Ought to give him a big enough hammer to make sure nobody with more dick than brain starts sandbagging or some shit."


    "I begin to understand your Patron''s love of mischief. Consider it done, my love."


    With that I collapsed into a full on PG-13 Marie Bath Experience; she even wrapped The Dress and her boots around me before Saffron handed me Isnomi and stole a quick kiss.


    Ready, Boss. I gripped his invisible hand and stepped into his cave.


    Mister Slither slid down the wall without prompting, and Sigyn let out a Repressed Baby Fever squeal as she set her bowl aside and charged over to me, catching Isnomi in midair when the Menace flying-squirrel leapt at her. As my daughter refueled Sigyn''s desperately depleted cute-reservoir, I did my best not to trudge as I walked over to Loki. Midway there I saw Mister Slither looking at cooing Sigyn and Isnomi, who''d started holding forth in baby-babble. Not, like, hungrily or any shit like that. But I got the impression he really wanted in on the whole ''wholesome affection thing''. Weird thing for a reptile to want, but fuck it. I closed with him and held up a hand, empty palm outward, when he started to retreat.


    He looked at me curiously. I waved at his ridiculously large fangs. "Can you even put those away?" Moving like somebody trying to flex a joint they''d held way too still for way too long, he folded them back along the top of his jaw, fully closing his mouth for the first time since I''d first seen him. The poison stopped flowing, and I nodded to him. "Just remember our previous, ''fuck around, spend eternity begging me to stop finding out'' agreement, got it?" Fucker nodded, then slithered off toward the other two. Before I got fully turned around and staggered over to Loki''s side, Menace was riding her new serpent steed in circles around Sigyn.


    "Hey, Boss." I leaned down to unhook his chain, then popped out a Mana Blade just big enough to slice off the stalagmites his son''s solidified intestines bound him to.


    He sat up slowly, chains clinking down, moving as carefully as any recovering invalid I''d ever seen. "I must apologize to you, Tabitha Diaz."


    I dropped to sit down next to him, and without thinking about it half toppled over to lean against him. "Why? Dafuq you do?"


    You know that ''cool side of the pillow'' feel? Loki''s side hit that perfectly, except it didn''t warm up as I leaned against it. "It is more what I could not do, my Champion."


    "Huh?" Yeah, just Too Much Stuff, Too Little Sleep. I think I''d last slept Friday Night, and they had been... Very Active Nights.


    He smiled down at me, then did something that would have had my sphincter clenching had the past couple nights not drained me completely of available fucks. He put his arm around me and pulled me to him, bracing himself with his other arm as he leaned back, stretching a little as he did so. "I contacted all who would deign to speak with me, and more who would not, and the information I could gather is surprising in its sparsity, especially on a topic which has caused so many of my Divine peers so much unadmitted terror over the millennia."


    I shrugged. His arm had the same ''cool pillow'' feel as his side, and try as I might I''d started drifting a little. "S''okay, Boss. What you got?"


    "First I visited my mother Laufey. All she knew of Mimic is hearsay, but given the surprising amount of maternal pride she apparently feels, she told me what she knew without question or complaint. Before Laufey came to be, Ymir witnessed ''the birth of Domnu''s eldest daughter''. According to Laufey, Ymir says she, and mind this is hearsay, ''birthed her second child, Indech of Chaos, when she reached through time to steal Ymir''s bones and Laufey''s skin to seal her first child away''."


    "Fuckin'' bitch. Right up there in competition with DiscoMilf McBadTouch for Mom of the year, that one."


    "I''ll assume you refer to Domnu, not Laufey. At any rate, she could tell me no more than that. Next I spoke with Ogma, who had compiled the prophecies regarding Mimic. Apparently that prophecy the Dan fear?"


    I cudgeled my brain, but Mr. Cool Side of the Pillow was draining my will to remain conscious by the second. "Huh?"


    "''''Mimic will cast them down from their high places.'' Apparently the full prophecy is ''Mimic will cast them all down from their high places''. It is Ogma''s considered opinion that the prophecy did not specifically refer to the Gods of the Dan. In fact, his opinion is that both prophecies regarding Mimic refer not to the Dan, or even the Dan and the Mor, but all Deities."


    "Bof?" I slurred.


    "The one regarding ''casting down from high places'' and the other, which says ''Mimic will Pronounce and Deliver Justice Upon and Unto the Unjust''. Beyond the exact text of the prophecies and his opinions regarding them, his last tidbit of wisdom explains how he knows the exact prophecies. He was there when Odin made them."


    I crinkled my face up, trying to make brain make think, but barely managed to push out, "Odin?"


    "Nothing. He refuses to speak with me. I couldn''t even get an audience with him."


    "Fucker."


    Loki squeezed me gently and replied, "indeed. I tried asking Domnu, who would not acknowledge me when I spoke to her. I also tried Nox and got the same treatment."


    "Nox?"


    "She is also the Primordial of Darkness. Domnu and Nox are one, yet not."


    I squished one eye closed, hoping that would help. Nope. "Huh?"


    "Do not let it trouble you, Champion. Should you urgently require explanation, simply allow me to speak at length with your wife, and she will explain it to you in terms you are capable of understanding."


    That tracked. Proving my native tongue is, in fact, Lower Gruddian, I grunted out a simple, "nngh," accompanied by a nod of agreement.


    "Given your obvious somnolence, I shall skip the list of fruitless searches. Before the final revelation, however, next Monday we will be visiting the Smith''s workshop."


    Not sleepy. Nope. Eyes open, full on flight-or-fight-or-freeze locking me motionless. From across the room, Isnomi let out a particularly aggressive shriek and pointed her mount in my general direction. "Yeah. Got it. Be ready to deal with scary Mc Fuckface next Monday. I''m gonna ask Saffron to remind me, but any chance you could ping my brain Sunday night?"


    He smiled down at me, making me suddenly regret not knowing my own dad. "Of course, Tabitha. He is, of course, my final source of information."


    "You asked that scary motherfucker for me?"


    "Of course. I would be a poor Patron indeed if I allowed fear to keep me from upholding my end of our bargain. After I agreed that you would model for him next week, He said only five things further before ignoring me utterly while prancing around his workshop giggling until I fled. Upon my Power I do not know which terrifies me most."


    I chuckled, "Yeah. You''re terrified. You walked into the Smith''s workshop, and it''s something he said about a dead god that scares you?"


    He looked down at me, the ever present humor draining from his face until I looked up at him, also completely sober. After ignoring Isnomi''s fruitless attempts to get Mister Slither to nom our ankles until she rode back to Sigyn, he finally spoke, his voice solemn and so controlled I realized he was using solemnity to hide his own fear.


    "She has awakened. She has chosen her High Priestess. She has made a child. She waxes ever more wroth with the Divine. I await her return with bated breath and glee unhidden."

 Day One Hundred And Seven

    Dear Diary,


    Weird when I feel like I ought to be embarrassed by something, and not only am I not, but nobody is giving me shit for the thing I think I ought to be embarrassed about.


    So yeah, I''ve owned single pieces of lingerie that have more material than The Dress, and I fell asleep wearing it while tucked under Loki''s arm. Not sure how long I was out, but I woke to Isnomi taking advantage of the easy-access properties of The Dress to make yet another futile attempt at nomming the dairy free titties. I scooped her up and held her at eye level while reminding her, "these boobs have no milk. No," I shook my head, "milk." I drew an utter blank on how to Natural Sign Language ''milk'' without referring to my, as noted, milk-free boobs.


    First she gave me a pretty clear, ''you can''t blame a bitch for trying'' look. She followed that up by squirming her head closer to me, reaching out with hands and mouth, saying, "nahm! Nahm! Nahm, nahm, nahm!"


    I plonked her on her butt on the big stone bed I''d woken on, rearranged The Dress so it covered my nips instead of pushing my tits together, then folded my arms across them, looked the menace in the eye and said, "no nom! No! No nom!"


    She stuck her tongue out and blew a raspberry at me, then laughed at the wit of her response. With her mouth open, I saw all of her incisors and canines poking out of her gums. I got a sudden rush of brains to the head, picked up the menace, and walked over to where Loki sat with his arm around Sigyn at the end of the bed. I heard a quiet snore before I reached them, and tiptoed around to see her sleeping in pretty much the same position I''d been in. I smiled at them and whispered, "I didn''t think Gods need to sleep?"


    "Want is often far more pressing than need," he whispered back.


    I nodded to Sigyn. "Jealous, huh?"


    He shook his head, but smiled as he did so. "Envious, I think." He held up one arm, the grotesque stone-like intestine dangling from it to hold the partial stalagmite above the floor. "I find myself wondering why you cut my bonds as you did."


    I hadn''t really thought about it the first time I did it, but when I did I figured out my motives surprisingly quick. "Seemed less painful than cutting your arms off above the wrist."


    He paused at that, "Ah, yes, it does, but might you not have cut that which connects me to the rock?"


    Figured that''s what he meant. Nothing for it but to say it. "Yeah, but that would be like violating a corpse."


    He froze, mirroring a look I''d seen on Saffron''s face when I hit her with something I considered basic civilized behavior that she had no clue about. "I can see how it would be, and I thank you for your concern and respect."


    "Yeah, no problem, Boss." I kinda wished there was something in the room to drink, but other than a bowl of Mister Slither''s venom, we had nothing. "Also pretty sure the only thing I''ve got that''d cut it are my Mana Blades, and those would make the Revive that much harder."


    A breath shuddered out of him, Sigyn stirred, and he froze. When she settled, he whispered, "I would ask you not to say such things where Sigyn can hear them."


    I kept my voice low. "I mean, you''re the Boss, sure, but why?"


    "It would kill her should you not be able to make good on your intent."


    I cocked my head, "really? Gods can die of sad?"


    He shrugged. My jokes don''t always hit home. "We are beings of word and will and power. We might survive a sword, a spear, a stake through the heart, but sadness? Yes, that could kill us."


    "I got you, Boss. Do me a favor?"


    He just nodded toward me. "Gimme your hand?" I held out my right hand, my left still braced under the menace''s butt.


    He held out the hand that wasn''t wrapped around Sigyn. I folded back all but his pinky, then plonked Isnomi mouth first onto the side of his finger. She sucked at it before she really thought about what I''d stuck in her mouth, but then her eyes popped wide open and she went to town, growling as she gummed the fuck out of the side of a pinky near as big as her arm.


    Loki mouthed the word, ''ow''. That is the oddest sensation I''ve felt in an eon. Why?


    She''s teething. I read somewhere cold helps.


    "So now I am to be your daughter''s chew toy?" he whispered, his voice so low I couldn''t tell if it held venom or amusement. Knowing Loki? Probably a little of both.


    "Mmmyeah," Sigyn muttered before she pushed herself upright. "You can spare your pinky for a time while the adults talk, and this one," she nodded to me, "and I must have a talk. Now."


    I handed over Isnomi, and Sigyn guided Loki''s other hand so I could set her butt on his palm. She''d grabbed one end of his pinky in each of her chubby little fingers, and went at it like a cob of corn. Sigyn grabbed my upper arm and marched me to the other end of the cave. She turned us so she faced mostly away from Loki, and I could see him past her arm. She shook one finger in my face, but spoke low enough I knew he couldn''t hear. Before my pissed off got too much of a head of steam, she said, "You will act like I am chastising you for trying to steal my husband."


    "The fuck?" I reared back a little. If she expected me to wilt when chastised, she hadn''t been paying attention.


    The side of her mouth turned away from Loki quirked up. "I heard your plan."


    I kept my voice low and my asshole face on, but said, "the fuck you didn''t say something?"


    Now she straight up smirked at my stupid ass. "Why do I do anything? Especially something otherwise inexplicable?"


    Comprehension dawned, "to win." I hissed, hunching over as I realized how coldblooded the bitch in front of me could be. Wasn''t mad at her, you get to the end of the rope all kinds of nice gets left by the side of the road, but it didn''t fit with her warm Grandma vibes.


    Once she caught sight of the understanding in my eyes, that warm smile came back and she whispered, "so rarely do I know why I will win, or even what. I thought perhaps that you and yours would be a surrogate for our lost boys. But what you intend? I will have my family back." She hissed that last.


    I looked at her and asked, "so you''re just faking it with Isnomi and Saffron and me?"


    "Why would I do that? Despite your continued titillation of my dear husband, you have never once shown that type of interest in him and," she heaved a sigh, "while you did add those scandalous boots, I now know he himself chose the design of your dress."


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    I smirked up at her, swinging my hips and posing a little, "yeah, no idea why he''d slap this shit on me, but it looks fine, don''t it?"


    She shook her head, "and the boots only make it worse."


    "You want a pair? They''re way less uncomfortable than they ought to be, and with that ass? You''d have to beat him," I nodded toward the World''s Largest Teething Toy, "off with a stick. Or, y''know, your hands. Whatever puts the oil in your slick, I guaran-fucking-tee you in a pair of these bad bitches would put all the lead in his pencil."


    That got her attention, although she had a straight up war on her face between ''scandalized'' and ''need to know more intensifies''. "My husband finds me attractive just as I am."


    "Yeah, yeah, yeah, not arguing with that. I feel you, even; Saffron gets me wanting some adult cuddle time even when we''re both stupid stinky and tired. But I ain''t even talk about that here. I''m talking about making that man of yours look at you like a steak in front of a starving dog, about putting the kinda hex on him that''ll have your ass bruised for weeks when he breaks that fuckin'' slab of rock you two call a bed. You get a pair of these on and he wouldn''t notice if Aphrodite, Freya, and Adonis had the foursome on pause waiting for him across the room. Hell, he''d push his way through them to get to you." I paused a moment, wondering if I should push it further. Fuck it, I''m me. "Boots like these were made for the gifted of ass, and Lady? Your ass is literally Made of Win."


    She just stared at me, incredulous. "Did I suspect you possessed a single duplicitous bone in your body, I might be deeply offended. And yet, I know you do not, and are neither incorrect nor taunting me." Then she sighed and slumped. "I know your cordwainer. I doubt I could meet his price. I doubt I would want to meet his price."


    I shrugged. "No big thing, Winnie. I''mma go see him next week, I got you." Her mouth worked silently. Got her. "See, this is what you call a ''win, win'', where we both win. You win, I win, nobody loses."


    The edges of a real frown snuck onto her face. "My husband and I will not be having a threesome with you."


    I rolled my eyes, letting some real hurt show through on my face, "Look. Lady. Winnie. I gotta tell you, your man''s loincloth has seen some better days. I''m pretty fuckin'' adventurous, I''ll admit it. Just ask Marie someday about the first time we hooked up. But after seeing that package?" I shuddered a little, and not in a good way. "No desire to get skewered by a goddamned telephone pole, no thank you. Frankly? Little bit in awe that you can still fuckin'' walk." I dropped my voice a couple octaves and did my best TV salesman''s voice, "that''s a lotta damage!" then I stared at her, doing the ''stare straight into her eyes and through them'' trick before finishing, "He''s a great guy, you two are in love, I''m not the kind of bitch to fuck with that. Frankly, if I was I''d be more tempted by the ass that can take that kinda pounding on the regular and keep on walkin''."


    That got her again. She blushed a little, a snickered laugh leaking out of her. I moved into the endgame of my Spontaneous Nefarious Plot. I leaned close, my head bent forward as if surrendering to her. "And if you''ve been paying attention, all of this has been Win. Hasn''t it?" She choked back something. Laughter, vomit, I''m not sure. I''m not a con man, but I remember flirting with those old dudes on the New Jersey more than once. I know when I''ve got somebody on the hook. "Just like it''ll be a win when those boots get even your ass weekend membership to the need a wheelchair club."


    Hook set. She lifted my chin, glaring hopefully. "Why. Why would you risk yourself with The Smith for such a thing."


    I realized on my first read through of Law and Custom that power ground my gears, and now I ignored more than a few flutters when I scored a complete victory over Winnie as I shrugged and said, "the Boss is family. I want family to be happy. That ass in these boots? Happy Boss."


    All her consternation and frustration washed away with those words. "So be it. I shall pay whatever price you name. Do this thing for me." Mimic one, Sigyn one. Because I hadn''t lied, this was definitely a win-win kinda thing.


    I shook my head. "No price, Winnie. Family." I sighed. "I might need his help on the regular at odd hours if the assholes in New Amsterdam push this war thing."


    She looked down at me, her eyes got a faraway look for a moment, then she smiled wickedly and said, "get me those boots, and you Win."


    Game. Set. Match. Fuck you, Amsterdam.


    We walked back to Loki, me playing my role as chastised vixen, her doing a passable reassured wife. Sigyn collected a sleeping Isnomi, I re-secured Loki, and collected the menace after Sigyn nuzzled her a little. I leaned over, whispered a few things in her ear, took his invisible hand, and stepped back to my room.


    Still kinda tired from two nights'' lack of sleep, I didn''t wait for Saffron or Marie, I stripped The Dress off and collapsed into bed curled protectively around a still-sleeping Isnomi.


    The next morning I woke to Marie knocking on the door, Saffron mirroring me on the far side of Isnomi, our foreheads and knees touching. Still not fully rested, but good enough for a class I''d already pretty much passed the practical for, with Marie''s help I dressed and headed out without waking them. Before we left, I handed her The Dress and asked, "How soon can you have this ready for me?"


    She took it, gave it a single sniff, rubbed the southerly bits between her fingers, and said, "Lunch?"


    "Please." She nodded, lay it atop her cart, and went about her busy day of Marie things.


    Turns out I wound up fucking around for most of the morning anyhow, because the list of shit Doc came up with for the class today? I''d already done every damn thing on it in Remedial, and we both knew it. Okay, I had some fill-in-the-blank-bookwork-bullshit, but that took me like half an hour once I got back to the room. I worked quietly, copying the names of the folks who''d converted during our Holy War Encore Healing Tour, cudgeling my brain to remember which were which, including the ones I wasn''t sure about, because converted or not some of them looked real grateful, and maybe economically challenged in a way that would make Guard Pay sound appealing.


    Don''t get me wrong. I felt a little shitty about it. I kinda empathized with my old DIs from ROTC. On the one hand, they were yeeting poor folks like themselves into the same meat grinder they''d gotten lucky enough to survive. On the other, if living in the hood taught residents anything, it''s how and when to duck, and rolling the dice on whether God or Kalashnikov had yet made a bullet with their name on was usually a better deal than working in a warehouse that timed how long it took you to take a piss.


    I felt even shittier about wearing The Dress. Not any kind of fucking ''oh, I''m despoiling a holy artifact'' or that kinda shit, either. More like half the recruits I pied pipered back to the Academy steps would be random poor assholes dragged along by their dicks. Thing is? Those fuckers? The guidos with more testosterone than tact, with more back hair than brains? When somebody stepped up to Philly and fucked around? Those were exactly the assholes who guaranteed that said fuckers found the fuck out. If I couldn''t march out right next to Saffron, and something told me everybody in the fucking world, Saffron included, would bitch at me if I tried to? I was damn sure gonna make sure she marched out surrounded by the largest amount of Philly Fuck You I could send with her.


    She and Isnomi woke each other up about halfway through the morning. She helped me with my list, I helped Isnomi with the chamber pot, Isnomi helped Saffron offload excess boob juice. The family that helps together fucks shit up together. Right?


    Marie delivered The Dress just before lunch. Saffron helped me get dressed. Isnomi ''helped'' as well. I nuzzled them both and said, "I''m off to work. You okay with the tiny terror today?''


    We lost about five minutes when Isnomi shrugged and replied, "dah." Nice to leave the cell with everybody laughing.


    As I strutted down the steps I called out, Boss? Heading out to do some All Purpose Recruiting, might need somebody who knows the street names and shit.


    His voice came through distracted, and I smirked as I thought about what I''d whispered to Sigyn before I left. Recruiting of worshippers or warfighters?


    Eh, six of one, half dozen of the other. You in? A suggestive fragment of imagery might have slipped along with that last bit. Totally by accident. Really.


    Not at the moment. Dammit, how is it you seem to know what Sigyn is up to at the moment?


    Loki likey?


    Yes... he drawled out. I''ll aid you as needed, of course, but any distraction on my part will simply be your just comeuppance.


    You''re welcome. I have faith in you, Boss. Let''s do this thing.


    By the time I forced my aching feet to strut my ass back up Franklin Boulevard to the Academy, the sun had almost hit the horizon, but I had two dozen converts trailing along behind me. Around a dozen were folks I''d healed or relatives thereof. Maybe another half dozen or so were some sailors who Commodore Pesce vouched for, who wanted to try their hand at fucking somebody''s shit up for money legally. Pride of place? That dubious honor went to the six Camden Yards dock workers I''d picked up. Between the lot of them they had about two tons of muscle, a hundred pounds of hair, six eyebrows, and three brain cells evenly distributed between and all over the six of them.


    Not sure how many followed the money, how many followed Loki, and how many followed The Dress, but I sure as shit felt like I''d done my part to donate to the wall of muscle I intended to put between Saffron and those who intended to do her harm.

 Day One Hundred And Eight

    Dear Diary,


    A school curriculum that changes with the current geopolitical situation. I didn''t even know that could be A Thing.


    After marching around all day yesterday afternoon with nothing but a middling short nap over the three days previous, I hit the bed like a log. Soothing dream about the lakeside hilltop. Really wanna know if those psychedelic tadpoles are A Thing That Exists or just dream fodder. ''Cause if they''re real and they have anything like the effect they have in my dreams, we gone get some new bath toys up in this bitch.


    Not like, literally ''up in''. Ew. Shuddering ew, even. Shuddering ew with a squealed, ''hentai!'' Just, like, nibbling at my toes or some shit?


    Goddammit, that''s not better, is it? I dunno. Fuck it, I''ll leave it up to Saffron. Either she''ll know what''s right and tell me, or she can''t figure it out and that means it''s way too tough for me, or she knows and she''ll lie to me about it for nefarious reasons, which ought to upset me but is still kinda hot, and I''d never know anyway, because me trying to outwit her is like Pee Wee Herman trying to straight up wrestle The Rock.


    Y''know, I never worried about this shit back in Camden. My sum total thought process regarding the entire topic? Rape Bad, Orgasm Good. STD Painful. Pregnancy Inconvenient. Done. No moralizing, no deep introspection, just wrap it up and ring the bell, y''know? Part of me misses that simplicity, but most of me totally gets that it''s a little childish. Of course, I kinda wonder if that''s why I''m with who I''m with and the reason for which of us wears the pants. I mean, okay, Saffron and I both wear pants, and Marie''s the one in the skirt, but, I dunno, which one of us wears the strap on? Except we don''t have one of those.


    Okay, laughing at myself as I''m proving my fucking point by looking for a childish way to say ''I like giving up control and thus responsibility in bed''. What? I''m capable of speaking vaguely like an adult when I try.


    Still, random wandering psychotropic orgasm critters in the tub? Hard to not wonder about.


    Funny, I have way more sex here in Phileo than I ever did in Camden, although that might have been the, y''know, possibility of becoming pregnant, or not being married, or any number of things. ''Being in peak physical condition'' probably doesn''t hurt. When everything works better, everything works better, and all the sex hormones count as better. That''s before you even get into the freaky positions duBois'' Hot Paired Yoga puts you in the shape to do. Funny thing about it? I talk about it way less. Yeah, I know, I talk about it a fair chunk here, but I swear to god there were days when I did not open my mouth without some real freaky innuendo coming out of it. The freakier the better. Like I was some kind of mutant edge lord who thought random offensive sex comments were the soul of edginess. It got so bad that most of my teachers got tired of giving me detention and shit. How bad was I that my teachers stopped reporting me for cutting because that way I couldn''t disrupt class with behavior that could get them in trouble. Shit, at one point a teacher, like the only one who never pointed that "Really, Diaz?" look at me, came up with a code phrase, just for me. If he said ''Do Not Taunt Happy Fun Ball'', it was like a fucking fencing coach saying ''Touch¨¦, you win''. I''d shut up, because what are you gonna do when the old fart you''re fucking with goes, "Yes, you''re very smart hot, shut up." I mean, I might have left the seat a little wet, but I shut up.


    Don''t judge me.


    So anyway, lots of psychedelic tadpoles last night, I got it on the brain today, and of course Saffron and I have a full day class, because of course we do.


    We get there and Doc DeLeon had a really shitty map of the Delaware Valley up on the front wall of the room.


    "We already studied New Amsterdam," came the predictable bitch from Lancaster the Lesser.


    Doc DeLeon sighed, "I am aware, yet should things go poorly for Marshall duBois, should you be deployed, I believe it would be in your best interest to have all of the pertinent geographic details fresh in your mind instead of the coastline near Palermo."


    "So my education suffers because some ignorant Bag can''t remember their back yard."


    Maybe I''d had too little sleep. Maybe I''d caught too much shit. Maybe I''d finally started to think of myself as worth more than an equivalent mass of runny manure. Maybe Lancaster''d gone one step too far.


    Maybe I knew exactly which person in this class would wind up in the field first. A full wave before any of the rest of us, like Bill or Angel or Me, would be there to back her up.


    I stood. Not slowly, but I didn''t kick my chair back out of the way. I pushed it aside with my hand as I turned to face Lancaster and his Lackeys. They turned to look at me. Fuck, the entire class turned to look at me. I couldn''t figure what kind of rhetoric pose would look best, so I just left my hand gripping the back of the chair. I expected to be screaming, but my voice came out calm and level. Disdainful as fuck, yeah, but calmly disdainful. "Look, Larry, I get that you''ve gotten everything in the world handed to you your entire life. I get that you''ve been told you''re better than everyone else. I get that you''re a short piece of shit in a family that has to duck walking under normal doors."


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    He opened his mouth, my grip on the chair tightened, and my voice went up a few decibels. "Let. Me. Finish." His mouth snapped shut. "I get that you hide your lack of brains by spewing racist, sexist bullshit out like a whale blowing spooge all over the deck of the ship that just killed it. I get how much hush money your daddy pays the pairs of hookers to fellate your micro-penis and blow smoke on your prostate so you too can experience the wonders of sexual completion."


    Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Doc DeLeon rising. I shot him a ''not the time'' look, something over by my hand cracked, and I drew myself up as tall as I felt wearing The Dress, refocusing on Lancaster. "I get that you know that you''re a useless piece of shit, a complete embarrassment to House Lancaster, and that eats you up inside. Really? At this fucking point? If even once you had as much class as your big brother and acknowledged and just apologized for even one of the shortcomings that are at least partially under your control? I could feel bad for you. No, check that, I do feel bad for you, but if you pretended to be an adult human being even once, I could act on feeling sorry for you and, fuck, I don''t know, help you or some shit. Everybody''s somebody''s fetish; there''s gotta be a woman who sucks up your verbal diarrhea like it''s fine wine, whose libido makes her mouth water at the sight of your rice-grain-sized cock. I''d bully the fuck out of everybody to find her and lock her delusional ass in your cell with you for a week of bliss."


    Angel snorted, and I shot her a look expressing how not joking I was being. She choked and looked away. "But right now? What you''re doing? Your microcephalic insecurity complex is putting people I care about in danger. I''mma be frank about that; there are some people, maybe even in this room, who I only care about because they might catch a bullet..."


    Tabitha


    No.


    "...that might otherwise hit someone I care deeply for. But right now you''re even putting the bullet catchers in danger, which puts my friends, my family, the mother of my child in more danger than the already unacceptable level of danger they may find themselves in. That? That I will not fucking let stand. You wanna throw down in Combat Training? Come at me. You wanna be a monumental dick in PT? What the fuck ever, we can still run laps while ignoring your deeply deficient ass. But right here? Right now? Where Doc DeLeon has gone out of his way to try and give all of us even the tiniest slice of a better chance to come out of the ratfuck brewing up north as minimally scathed as possible?"


    I strode over to him. Before he could react I got right up to his fucking anime-protagonist position desk, close enough he''d have to push through me to stand. Chairs to either side slid against the floor, and my eyes locked with Lancaster''s I said, "Rider. Rosen. Put your asses on your seats before I finish speaking or my grudge with you will be personal instead of amusing side fuckery to dick with Larry here." Two thumps of asses hitting chairs told me all I needed to know.


    I leaned down until our noses almost touched. I looked him right in his pretty baby blues and finished, "Right here, right now, you will shut your fucking mouth and pretend to be a wilting violet scared that if she speaks up, moves around, or fucking breathes too loud her classmates will gang rape her to death, or I swear on everything you hold dear that you will wish... Wish hard, for longer than you would believe possible, to die for good before I am done burning your own fucking soul to Revive you every time I torture you to death."


    I stopped, listening to the ''drip, drip, drip'' coming from under his chair for a six count before I breathed out loud enough for everyone to hear, "do we have an understanding?"


    His head jerked down and up, once. I turned my head just a little to the side and said, "I didn''t hear you." When his mouth slipped open, my gaze shot back around to lock to his, "which means you''re finally paying some fucking attention. Don''t fuck it up now, Larry. I''m short on fuckin'' sleep, and if you make me do all that shit, I swear I will actually be pissed off when I do it." I think I heard a tooth crack when he slammed his mouth shut, and after that he just sat there trying not to shiver too much.


    I nodded, turned, and walked back to my desk. Everyone I could see except Raven stared at me in utter silence broken only by my boot heels on the floor. I looked around, couldn''t find my chair, grabbed another one from the next row over, slid it next to Saffron''s behind her desk, spun, and slouched down into it, my arm going around her as I did. In the best fuckin'' uWu voice I have ever done, my eyes popping open as wide as I could, I squeaked, "ready to learn, Sempai!"


    Doc DeLeon didn''t move for like a solid thirty seconds, at which point he cleared his throat and said, "while I lost count of how many legally actionable statements were just made, as I am entirely certain as to the foolishness of pressing those particular charges, let''s just look on this for the moment as a fortuitous learning aid, shall we?" He spun about, poking stick reaching out to tap the map. "So, the Delaware Valley..."


    Not sure what my favorite part of the rest of the day was, but two things stand out. The first was Raven handing me a really nice sketch at the end of class. Me, standing there looking like an actual adult, my hand on the back rail of one of the Indestructible Chairs, which for its own part had flames wreathing every bit of itself. When I looked down behind my desk, I saw a low pile of dark ash, which explained where my chair had gone.


    The second was when class let out and Saffron led me back to the dorm, back to our room, where she pulled the door shut and stripped faster than I thought possible. Moist noises and musky scent filled the room as she did so. She knelt on the bed, her eyes unfocused and her whole body shuddering as she raised her gaze just far enough to stare at my crotch. "Do with me as you will. I ask only that you show so little mercy that you shock our dear Marie should she find out. Should I die in this war, I want to die still aching from and yearning for this next hour."


    Yeah. Yeah, that whole ''not sure which I like more'' thing is an absolute fuckin'' lie.

 Day One Hundred And Nine

    Dear Diary,


    Some days, the only time I really think about being an Isekai''d hood rat is when I notice some particularly egregious primitive bullshit. Other days are way better than that.


    So Saffron and I didn''t make it back to class yesterday. We both felt a little bad about that, eventually, but mostly we just felt a lot sore once the endorphins wore off.


    We had Marie and Isnomi for the night, and we spent it playing toddler learning games with her. Saffron tried to get her to count to ten while I shut my mouth about vaguely remembered wiki-searches describing how much we use our teeth and fine tongue control while speaking. Marie played pounce games with her, looking so much like a lioness with a cub from those National Geo nature documentaries that I got a little wistful watching them. I mean, until I joined in. That shit''s fun, and there''s definitely something just kinda liberating about being tossed around a padded environment by someone you know absolutely will not let you come to harm.


    After pounce, I had her walk around holding onto my fingers. We did a bunch of laps around the room, and she gradually altered her stance until she pranced around on tiptoes. One lap when we passed my shrine, she let go of my fingers and launched herself at the shelf, grabbing one of the Cold Iron coins and running off.


    "Bring that back, you little menace!" I mock-growled, crouching over and chasing her.


    She giggle-squealed and pranced off toward Saffron, who sat at the desk reading a book. "Ma! Ma!" she shouted, knocking the coin against the padded front of the desk, then against Saffron''s thigh. Without looking away from her book Saffron reached down and took the coin. I play-pounced at the menace, but she dove away, faceplanting into the floor and giggling madly about it. I moved over to lean against the desk next to Saffron while Isnomi righted herself, tiptoe pranced back to my shrine, leapt up and knocked down the chunk of wood, then charged back to Saffron''s far side, poking her with her new prize shouting, "ma! Ma!" until Saffron, still reading, reached down and took it from her, a little clumsy with the coin still in her hand. When the menace ran off, I reached to empty Saffron''s hand, but she shook her head ever so slightly.


    When Isnomi knocked my bottle of wrestler-sweat off the shrine, I winced, but Marie caught it before it hit the ground. The padding probably would have kept it from shattering, but really didn''t want to find out after our room stank of luchador. Isnomi grabbed it away from Marie, growling as she did, and ran back for Saffron yelling "ma! ma!" all the way back. Saffron shifted her hand to let Isnomi balance the jar atop the wood. When Isnomi turned her back to run back to the shrine, Saffron held her odd handful out to me. I grabbed the coin and tossed it to Marie, who put it back on the shrine after the little one knocked down one of the other two and commenced running it back to Saffron.


    We kept her running in circles until she started faceplanting more than once a trip, and made more annoyed sounds than hilarious ones when she did. At that point we turned off the lights, snuggled up into a pile, and went to sleep.


    When we woke in the morning Saffron announced we''d be out of the Academy most of the day, and asked if Marie could take Isnomi. She tilted her head, thought about it, and said, "Half." A moment later, she looked at us and said, "Grandma?"


    "That sounds like an excellent plan. You take her while you can, and deliver her to Grandma when you can''t. Thank you, Marie." We all got each other dressed, Marie rolled off with her Isnomi Hood Ornament, and the two of us headed for breakfast. Oh! New Food Drop in the Dining Hall! Fried Fish Cakes! No tartar sauce, but they tasted pretty good with the lemon dressing they''d been drizzled with. The gobbo table wound up nearly out-eating us ROTCs when it came to the fishcakes, and most of the tables got a tray or three. The Barbie Brigade turned theirs down, but Headmaster Miles and Doc DeLeon seemed to be into it.


    So we stuck around until Doc DeLeon finished and got up, at which point Saffron quick marched us up to Intermediate Heroics. No Lachlan today, which my treacherous brain had the audacity to miss just a little bit. I mean yeah, he''s an arrogant, misogynistic, racist asshole, but I think I''d started to enjoy his undisguised looks of triumph when he managed just a little bit more welding before he passed out. Suppose it didn''t hurt that he''d inevitably ask me, sometimes politely even, to Stabilize the living fuck out of him when he woke up.


    "Doctor DeLeon, could you come here please?"


    With nobody else in the classroom, he shrugged, set down the book he''d been reading, and walked over to us. When he arrived, Saffron held out both our sets of metal rings. "You confirm these are in their start state?" When DeLeon nodded, she set them down interlocked, Shaped the Spell with a little more complexity than I recognized, and released it. All the rings Bonded together at once. She handed me my set and nodded next to hers. I shrugged, set them down like she had, then just Mineral Bonded the shit out of them. When mine stopped glowing, Saffron picked hers up and handed it to Doc DeLeon, who examined it while I pried mine off the desk. He nodded to Saffron, lifted an eyebrow when he took on the shadow of the disk on the desk where I''d bonded mine, then examined it much as he had Saffron''s. He nodded again eventually, saying, "Excellent work, both of you."


    Saffron held her hand over her bowl, Shaped, and about a quart of water splooshed down into it. DeLeon nodded, picked up the bowl, and tasted it. Hiding my shudder, I held my hand over my bowl, Shaped, then jumped back as Too Much Water hit the bowl. I managed to catch it before it tipped off the desk, but a puddle the size of Lancaster''s ego covered the floor under our desk. After handing Saffron''s bowl back to her, he carefully picked mine off the desk and took a sip. He smiled a little as he set it down. "Excellent work, Aetos. Diaz, you''ll want to learn to control your quantities eventually, but excellent quality. Both definitely passing marks."


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    The first couple Cadets filtered in as DeLeon made his pronouncement, and Saffron huffed out a sigh. "Fire Bolt is next, yes?" At his nod, she paused, picking up her target and handing me mine. After a second she tugged me to the far corner of the room from the door, Mineral Bonded her target to the wall at face height, then pulled me about halfway along the wall and said, "Cadet Diaz, would you be so kind as to put up a Fire Filtration Ward around us?" I dumped enough mana to create a Ward that covered our half of the room. She turned to the prof and asked, "Doctor DeLeon, would you join us please?"


    Doc DeLeon walked over and stood between us, his gaze on Saffron''s hands.


    Close your eyes and pay attention.


    That sounded really fuckin'' oxymoronic, since I can''t hear Mana any more than I can see it, but what the hell, she''s the smart one. I closed my eyes, and watched a realtime feed from Saffron''s eyes as she Shaped her Mana into a new configuration. Like, I saw this weird orangey-blue colored line of light taking shape under her hands. I still paid attention though, because my manipulative little Kitten had clearly Pavloved me into associating Learning and Happy Fun Times or some shit. It looked pretty simple, but I could feel how hard she had to concentrate and how much she slowed herself down for my benefit. From the moment she started to the moment a bolt of solid fire formed and shot across the room to nail her target dead center took maybe five seconds.


    Doc DeLeon nodded to her. "Excellent technique, Cadet Aetos. Just under the maximum Shape time for a passing Fire Bolt, but clearly under it." He turned to me and watched expectantly.


    With your Water Affinity and lack of Fire Affinity, you''ll need to overpower this one, Goof.


    You sure I can pull it off?


    I have faith in you.


    That tingled in that weird way, but I nodded, raised my hands, and straight up rammed that Shape of Mana into being, forcing as much Mana as I could into the Shape as I counted to four, then released it. I blinked a little at the afterimage, then glanced sheepishly up at Doc DeLeon, only to see him rubbing at his forehead.


    "Well. I still have eyebrows, at least." He heaved out a sigh, looking at me with the saddest ''really Diaz?'' look I''d seen in a while. "While I''ll expect you to fix that, and you''ll probably want to work on control with this even more than your Create Water, you have indeed created a passing Fire Bolt."


    Saffron asked Doc DeLeon something, but I missed what she said when I looked at my target. Okay, where my target had been. I think the hole in the wall was sort of centered on where it had been, but I couldn''t be exactly sure, since there was, as noted, a complete lack of target. I Created Water to quench the glowing, slightly flowing stone where my target used to be, causing hot water vapor to blow around that corner of the room, not to mention making another Lancaster Ego Puddle. "Oops."


    That last was as much for putting the image of Lancaster making Ego Puddles with his hookers as the assorted damage I''d done to the classroom. I gotta find out if there''s a ''Brain Bleach'' spell. Or have Saffron come up with one or something.


    Saffron laughed and tugged on my hand. "C''mon, Goof. You and I''ll need to come back and fix that later, but right now we need to head over to the Yards to convince those people we spoke to yesterday afternoon."


    Rule Number One of working a Team Con, ''Agree with whatever the fuck your partner says''. "Yeah, we can pick up some supplies while we''re out too?"


    She nodded and dragged me out of the room at a skipping run. Excellent improvisation, love.


    Are we really going to Camden today? At her nod I asked, "Should I wear The Dress?"


    After a moment''s thought, while we kept jumping ahead of one another, eventually settling into the fastest run she could maintain, she replied, "no. My libido has threatened to kill me and hide the body for saying that, but I think today we should be there solely as Cadets, not High Priestesses, Champions, or Councilwomen."


    We dashed through the Entrance doors, the Senior Cadet on door duty waving us through as we did. I scooped Saffron into a princess carry and took the steps a flight at a time as she clung to me, burying her face in my neck and squeaking every time my foot hit the ground. I hit the street and accelerated to my fastest sprint, sticking to the street, because dodging wagons was easier than dodging pedestrians. Saffron''s breath hot against my ear, she whispered, "why the rush, Goof?"


    "I figure they''ll assume we took a vaguely normal amount of time to get over to Camden. This buys us another hour to make up for yesterday''s hooky shenanigans."


    She giggled huskily into my ear, "keep reminding me how smart you are and more shenanigans may be required."


    I kept my voice to an absolutely flat deadpan as we flew past the end of the Boulevard and I leaned into the left turn onto Vine. "Finally you reveal your nefarious plot to transform me into a nerd with your sexual favors."


    She pulled her head back enough to look at my face. "Is it working?"


    I didn''t stop laughing until we hit mid-bridge. I slowed a little at that point as she guided me around to the right, and we followed the waterfront until we came to a building at one side of a large open area in the middle of the dockside warehouses. As I skidded to a stop in front of it, I breathed out, "Holy shit."


    Saffron hopped down and grabbed my hands, holding them in her own. "What is it, Tabitha? You sound upset."


    I shook my head, working my mouth without saying anything as I tried to decide how I felt about recognizing the building in front of me. I mean, I didn''t recognize the building itself, but I immediately recognized the type of building we stood in front of, even with the little differences from what I''d have seen back in Camden. Eventually I decided to laugh about it, the synchronicity was so ridiculous.


    The building itself stood maybe a story and a half tall, with steps leading up to a pair of doors about five feet up off the ground. A big sign, white letters with blue and silver chasing, read, "Drivers." Another thought ran through my head and my laughter got a little more real. The first five feet of the walls was stone, but instead of the grey slabs that made up most of everything else in Phileo and much of Camden, big irregular chunky red-chased brown rocks covered that portion of the wall. Above that the place had broad plate glass windows that ran all the way up to the shiny metal roof. The line of folks picking up steaming paper wrapped packages from a window on one side of the building didn''t quite match my memories, but the rest?


    "Tabitha?"


    "Of all the things to remind me of..." I cut myself off, then said, "a fuckin'' diner. Bill''s parents own a diner. With a drive through, even! Wait, wait, wait, does this place have a bar? Like, do they serve alcohol?" At her confused nod, another bout of laughter took me. "Where''s fuckin'' Guy Fieri when you need him?"

 Day One Hundred And Ten

    Dear Diary,


    If there''s a God that Gods pray to, I''mma just say ''thank you for Drivers''.


    Of course we had to go in and get lunch. Saffron introduced me to Bill''s Mom and Dad. Funniest thing? Habits die hard, and some of them run stupidly deep. I met Mr. And Mrs. Driver. Like, Saffron calls them that, because she would never think to call them anything else, and that''s how she introduced me to them.


    Before we''d gone more than two steps inside the doors, a heavyset woman in a blue waitress'' dress and white apron with an improbable up-do and really snazzy sideburns squealed out, "SAFFRON!" and trotted out from behind the counter. Like, literally, the sides of her dress had slits all the way up to her waist, and I caught glimpses of furry digitigrade legs and hooves. She looked down at my Kitten and, her arms in front of her, elbows touching and loose fists under her chin, bounced up and down as she kept up the squeal. "Just look at you! That uniform! So cute!" Then she pounced on Saffron, scooping her up into a twirling hug. Saffron clung to her, catching my eye with a smile and fond eye-roll as she swung past me the second time. After a few more squealing spins, she set Saffron down, said, "you should visit more! You look so smart, but I''m sure you''ve lost weight." Then she turned to me, the verbal avalanche never slowing, "and who''s your friend? Does Bill know her?"


    Saffron flashed the smile you save for older relatives who, despite being a little out of touch with reality, meant well, would loan you their car with good reason and their clothes for no reason at all, and probably fed you more than was really healthy. "It''s good to see you, Mrs. Driver. I actually haven''t lost weight. I''ve gained a little weight. Lost a bit of fat though, I guess."


    "Oh, that won''t do!" cried Mrs. Driver, presumably Bill''s mom, as she straight up herded Saffron and I onto stools next to the counter that ran along one side of the diner''s interior. She whonked a couple monster slices of chocolate cake onto plates and slid them in front of us, then smacked the side of her arm on a metal panel in the wall behind her. "What''s fresh out of the oven, dear?" she shouted.


    The metal panel slid aside to reveal the broadest fuckin'' face I''d seen, ever. It looked kind of like a bull, but not the rangy Texas longhorn bull face. No, this fucker looked like somebody took one of them, then added another couple layers of muscle, then decided that the overall bodyfat ratio of the face region needed to be well over fifty percent. Pale cream fur covered his face and shoulders, and that''s all I could see, because this dude''s shoulders filled up every part of the two foot high by three foot wide window with no room to spare. "Welp, cow, I got rotisserie coming out the oven now, and I just finished breading some fish, so... Saffron?"


    Mrs. Driver giggled and said, "doesn''t she just look so grown up in her uniform and everything?"


    I really wanted to leap to my wife''s defense, but I hadn''t even been introduced to the Drivers yet, and while I''d normally say ''fuck that'', Saffron seemed to like them, and Bill''s a nice enough guy. Also, when I looked over at her, I realized her feet dangled like two feet off the floor, and half her slice of cake had disappeared down her cake-hole, leaving about a half-inch around her face smeared with chocolate. She noticed me looking and froze, blinking at me, with her fork in the act of shoveling a hunk of cake bigger than her mouth down her maw. "Guess I was right about that sweet tooth of yours?"


    She closed her lips around the stem of the fork, pulled it out of her mouth with a sucking sound, and pointed her absolutely spotless fork at my cake and asked, "you gonna eat that?"


    I slapped her fork away with mine and said, "I''ll try a little bit, sure."


    "Only a little bit?" Mrs. Driver pouted at me.


    I shrugged, "it looks really good, but I''m more of a protein girl. Besides, I wanna watch what she does when I feed it to her."


    The floor shook just a little bit as Mrs. Driver hammered her hooves up and down in an epic power-squee maneuver. "I so miss Raven being here. I would so have her paint that."


    "I mean, now that I know you guys are here, I''m sure we''ll be back when we can." I took a reasonable-for-me bite of my cake, and immediately reconsidered my decision to feed it to Saffron. "Oh my God that''s good. You guys are open Mondays and Friday afternoons, right?"


    "We are now," the presumed Mr. Driver rumbled out as he slid two plates out onto the counter in front of the window. Each one contained a mega-gyro, a big ''ol pita with long, thin slices of meat intertwined around big chunky ones of tomato, onion, and lettuce.


    By that point nothing remained on Saffron''s plate but some really faint brown smears, because she''d literally picked it up and licked it clean. She pointedly stared at my cake as Mrs. Driver slid our gyros in front of us, saying, "so. Saffron. Who''s your little friend?"


    Normally I might be miffed about being called ''little'', especially in reference to Saffron, but in case I haven''t made it clear, Mrs. Driver fuckin'' towered over me. Like, Marie tall, but not Marie svelte. She didn''t look obese or anything, but from a distance she''d look kinda like a really curvy normal woman. Between the size differential and her sweet tooth, it really just made sense she slid Saffron into the ''little kid'' category. Possibly literally, given Mama Driver''s hooves.


    Saffron took a petite bite out of her gyro, staring at my cake the whole time, before she spoke. "Mrs. Driver, Mr. Driver," she paused as my fork delivered a reasonable-Saffron-bite-sized portion of cake to her mouth, "this is my wife," another pause for cake station identification, "Tabitha Diaz."


    I reached out cross-body with my left hand extended toward Mrs. Driver while I delivered another bite of cake to Saffron. In the moment I looked away, just after Saffron said my name, Mrs. Driver let out another squeal, this one mixing awe and delight in equal measure. I turned back to maybe figure out what she''d lost it about this time, only to get bodily lifted and buried face first into a chest that deserved the description, ''mountainous''. Muffled by her motherly arms and massive mammaries, I heard her squealing, "thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you," and my head got a little damp as something splattered down from above. My vision sparkled a little by the time she let me up for air, pushing me back far enough I could look into her tear-sparkling eyes. "I heard what you did to Bill."


    I froze, realizing that combat training or not, this woman''s forearms might be as big around as my goddamn thighs, and she still held me mostly crushed against her front. "Uh..."


    "Bill told us. That crazy woman who attacked the Temple nearly killed him, cut him down without even looking at him, and before we''d even heard about it, while he lay there nearly dead, beyond the help of the Academy healers, you came in and healed him. I don''t know how, I don''t want to know how, I..."


    "Mrs. Driver?" We both looked to Saffron, who sat in front of a stack of plates, two empties with chocolate smears on the edges and one with a mostly intact gyro. When she had BillMom''s attention, she said, "Tabitha is also the woman who assisted Sister Siobhan with Reviving Bill."


    Thanks, Saffron, I deadpanned at her as my whole fucking front tingled, and Mrs. Driver planted a kiss on my right temple, then my left one. I mean, technically I think she''d aimed for my cheeks, and her lips covered those as well, but goddamn this woman was large. Torvald would die of massive dehydration just looking at her. She pulled me into another apocalyptic hug, and after a bit I weakly thought, I''mma take a nap right here, I think, at Saffron. Or pass out. Or suffocate. Something like that.


    Right about then she plomphed me back onto my stool, and as my brain absorbed some desperately needed oxygen my eyes wandered to take in another couple vaguely normal sized women in waitress getups working the rest of the diner. They only had two other solo customers and one table full of guests, but the waitresses still hopped to, keeping water glasses full, scooping up dirty plates and delivering new ones, making muttered little comments to Mr. Driver, and, y''know, just generally doing waitress things. As my vision cleared, I realized the ongoing tingle hadn''t let up. Normally I''d just make excuses to get out of the area, but some adult part of me couldn''t leave somebody as nice as BillMom with a lie, even a lie of omission.


    "Mrs. Driver?"


    "Yes, sweetie?"


    "About... the woman who hurt Bill."


    She tilted her head quizzically, "I thought that was a young man."


    Saffron cut in with, "I think Tabitha means at the Temple."


    "Yeah, at the Temple. I..." I cast about looking for some way to say it without actually, y''know, saying it. Eventually I just hung my head and spit it out. "I didn''t see Bill there. All I could see was Isnomi up on that altar, that fucking kidnapping bitch about to stab her to death."


    Saffron added, "my daughter. Isnomi."


    Mrs. Driver pulled back, and the tingling faded. "I''m sorry. Bill didn''t know they''d kidnapped her, and he didn''t recognize me either. He just saw someone attacking and dove in the way. Just like Heroes are supposed to do."


    Saffron looked up from where she''d eaten about half of her gyro. "I... I was going to ask you for a favor, but..."


    I pushed my plate away as well, mumbling, "yeah. ''m sorry."


    The tingling didn''t stop. Mrs. Driver pushed the plate back in front of me. She wasn''t losing her shit to a squee-storm any more, but she looked resigned, not angry. "If not for you, he wouldn''t have been alive to see the Equinox. Shit happens, especially when folks that matter behave badly."


    Mr. Driver was even more succinct. "What do you need, girls?"


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    Saffron looked up, her eyes gleaming maybe just a little, and said, "Thank you. I wanted to know if you''d mind if we spoke with people waiting in line about Volunteering."


    Mr. Driver grunted and shrugged. Mrs. Driver said, "of course we don''t mind. Bill and Angel were here Wotansday doing the same. But you know how it is, never exactly the same crowd any given day."


    A bit of memory crossed over into inspiration, and I asked, "hey, there''s a thought. What if we set up a little recruiting station right here, and take turns manning it? Like, you and me, or Angel and Bill, or Raven and Bonnie," I paused, "okay, not Raven and Bonnie. Maybe Fred and Bonnie."


    Mrs. Driver looked down at Saffron. "Bonnie?"


    "Bonita."


    BillMom choked down a laugh. "Oh, my. Not Raven and Bonnie indeed. We don''t need another meat grinder incident."


    I decided not to ask. ''No officer, I have no knowledge of those events'' hits different when you really don''t have a fuckin'' clue.


    Bill''s Dad rumbled out, "sure. You need anything for that?"


    I shrugged and said, "not much. A table, some chairs, maybe an awning if the weather is bad but not bad enough to keep us inside."


    He grunted, "c''mon back", and slid the metal door shut. Saffron and I slipped off our stools, Saffron pointing me toward a door in the back wall. Before we''d taken two steps, Mrs. Driver bonked us on top of the heads with our very much not empty plates. "Come algo!" I grinned up at her, scooped the gyro off the plate, folding the pita tightly around itself until it looked more burrito than gyro, and rammed like half of it into my mouth in one big grinning nom. She slid my plate under Saffron''s stack, held that down so Saffron could reach her own gyro, and ruffled my hair with her other hand before shoving us both behind the counter toward the door.


    When we got into the kitchen and I got a look at Mr. Driver, I just stared at him as he led us to a little half-underground storage area with spare furniture, waved at it, and stood there watching us expectantly. I mean, technically I guess he was a Minotaur, but... Okay, the cream colored fur that ran down to his mid-torso threw me a little, since I expected Ferdinand brown on my Minotaurs, but I could roll with that. His overall build though... He never really ''stood up straight'', the way some guys used to banging their head on the ceiling and some weightlifters perpetually crouch, but even hunched he had at least six inches on Mama Driver. I kinda hoped so, because if he wasn''t at least eight feet tall, then he was more ''truncated rectangular solid'' instead of the ''cube'' he''d be at eight feet. Yeah, every exposed surface had the signs of obvious thick layers of fat, but he didn''t move like an Incarnation of Obesity. He moved like this one visiting DI I remembered, this big guy from American Samoa. Yeah, he was big, yeah, he had padding, but he had enough muscle buried underneath that his cautious movement wasn''t because he worried about hurting himself on the walls, it''s because he''d gotten sick and tired of fixing walls when they ran into him. Shit that even I would definitely Not Say ran through my head as I realized that this dude wouldn''t Isekai Truck-Kun, but only because Truck-Kun would take one look at him and run screaming.


    Thing is, with all that sense of vaguely impatient control, a bodybuilder perma-frown etched onto his bovine features, and the lurking Dad-humor I somehow sensed, I never once got a sense of intimidation coming from him. He waited patiently while Saffron pointed me at a pair of chairs, picked up one herself, and then pointed at a table big enough to seat three people on each side. He hefted it under one arm and led us out the back of the storage area, heading up a half-flight of stairs to the open area behind the diner. He carried the table around until he could set it beside the line, maybe six feet to one side, about ten feet back from where the line came to the window. "That good?"


    "Yes, Mr. Driver. Thank you so much!" Running on instinct as much as anything, I leapt up and hugged him, literally dangling from his lower chest like a limpet. His chest rumbled with something I tentatively identified as a chuckle, then he reached around me and patted me gently on the back before lifting me away and setting me on my feet in front of him. He reached out and gently flicked my forehead, grumbling, "keep your eyes open from now on," before heading back into the back of the Diner.


    We spent the rest of the afternoon talking with people, eventually setting all three chairs down all sorts of raggedly on the line side of the table, letting people take a load off while they waited. We shot the shit with them about what they did for work, how their families were doing, if they needed help with anything while we, Phileo''s-Finest-In-Training, happened to be in the area. Every now and again we''d mention the Volunteering offer, filling in details as they asked about them. Before the day ended, we had half a dozen people say they''d be stopping by the Academy and would mention our names, along with another two dozen who said they''d think about it. As the day wound to a close, Saffron balanced all the chairs and I hefted the table onto my back, and we hauled it all back to the back door.


    Pa Driver opened it a bit after we knocked, and asked, "back again tomorrow?"


    Saffron shrugged, "we don''t have a schedule set up yet, but fair odds a couple of us will be down every day."


    He nodded to the wall outside the door. "Just set them there."


    We piled them up, calling, "Thanks again!" as he pulled the door shut. Once we''d hit the midpoint of the bridge on our walk back, I remembered what I hadn''t dared say earlier and asked Saffron, "Bill and Angel aren''t related, are they?"


    She shot me a scandalized look, punched me in the shoulder, and said, "you don''t just say that, Goof!" When I shot her a half-annoyed, half-mystified look, she explained as quietly as possible. Fauna are notorious for being the polar opposite of jealous, and as you''ve seen Mr. Driver''s a hell of a lot of man to throw around at your friends. I''m surprised Angel''s mom can still walk. But as you so pointedly poked me with, the rhythm method is imperfect. It''s just really rude to, y''know, blurt it out like that. Unless one of them brings it up or something. Get it?


    "Oh, yeah. I get you. Not unfamiliar with the results, although I''m still weirded as fuck by the perpetrator of the situation."


    She shot me a crooked grin. "I know you are, Goof. I just couldn''t think of a better way to torment you with it than just telling you outright." So if you had some idea about Just Happening to him, my only request would be letting me watch, because I''m fascinated by the advanced geometry which must be involved.


    "That''s it!" I mock-hollered, scooping her up to dangle over my shoulder, one arm behind her knees, the other smacking her on the ass as I sprinted us back to the Academy. I timed my smacks to my words as I quiet-barked, "Aetos. Women. Stop. Putting. Things. In. My. Vagina!"


    Really?


    I mean, shit that doesn''t belong.


    Some of the more fundamentalist Zeus factions believe only a Man''s member ought penetrate a woman''s secret place.


    "Look, Ben Shapiro motherfuckers aside, I''m down with experimenting with interesting objects, but I gotta put a size cap on that shit. No Jotnar telephone poles, no Minotaur bull cocks, no.. uh... fuck, are there whale people? Wait, no, no giant Kraken arms in my vagina."


    She bit me. First, unless you''re talking about the guard of the King of Crete''s vaults, Minotaur is insulting unless you are one, and even then some of them will take offense. Mr. Driver is one of those. Second, you realize you have now piqued my interest about the exact measurements of that size cap?


    I laughed as I dashed toward the Academy steps. "I am so fucked."


    Her singsong voice filled my head with visions of terrifyingly awesome and painfully exhausting nookie. Not yet.


    Isnomi insisted on no crib, but she also insisted on showing us her mastery of the chamber pot, managing to not only get the lid off by rolling it sideways, but hopping up and landing perched right above the middle of the pot before unloading in one big continuous pot-bombing. She waved a hand to me, and I lifted her off, cleaned her up, and told her, "just one more day, and Baby Isnomi gets to be Big Girl Isnomi."


    "Dahda!"


    "Tada indeed," Saffron said as she scooped her up for her evening feeding. I shut the lights out, and we all snuggled into bed.


    So I spent the night chillin'' like a villain'' again. Tonight something drew my attention to the East, where out beyond the distant far shore of the lake, maybe a little to the North, a single light lanced up from the ground, almost like one of those big spotlights car dealerships use to get attention. It never stayed lit long, but every now and again it would pulse to life, a flickering strobe that went away after maybe five seconds, tops. Weird thing? I swear it was calling to me. Maybe my Blend trying to translate Morse Code or some shit?


    So Marie woke all three of us, eventually carting Isnomi off for a day of Marie things and Cart surfing. Saffron and I snagged the other ROTCs at breakfast and explained our plan to them. All of them jumped on board, and by the end of breakfast we even had a rotation in place. Saffron led me down to Headmaster Miles'' office and went over how the Senior Cadets tested new Volunteers. As none of us were Senior Cadets, we couldn''t sign off on the testing or the enlistment forms, but Saffron explained that between the five of us, we could usually keep someone there who could do the tests, which meant less wasted time for Senior Cadets and potential Volunteers alike.


    After that Saffron dragged me back to our room. Fantasies of intimate mayhem crashed and burned when we opened the door to find Lyman seated at the desk, idly flipping through Law and Custom. He looked up at us, stood, smiled, and said, "I take it my services as escort to and from class will not be needed today?"


    Saffron stopped, folded her arms, then raised one hand to tap at her teeth with her index fingernail. "With all due respect and adoration to your Divine person, would you be available this afternoon for some intimate activities?"


    I leapt into action, jumping behind Lyman and pushing him toward the door. "Nope, nope, nope. Said it before. Rule in place. No telephone poles in my hoo hah. Nope."


    Saffron''s giggles wove through her words, "but he''s a shapeshifter. He can be any size I, I mean you, I mean we specify."


    Loki''s laughter shook his shoulders as he dug in his heels just enough to slow my progress, not to stop it. That''s when the meaning of her nefarious plan hit me. I mock-howled, amused that Loki''s doorward progress never slowed, even when I laughed too hard to shove him. "Dammit, woman! No stress testing my vajayjay!" I shoved a laughing Lyman out the door and slammed it behind him. Sorry Boss, she''s in a Mood.


    Oh, Tabitha Diaz, I shall take great delight in telling Sigyn this tale.


    I''mma be pissed if you don''t include my vehement opposition to her nefarious plan!


    Who, me? Lie?


    Nothing coherent came out of my brain or mouth for a bit after that. I discovered that my hair had pull defying qualities but that shit still ached a little bit when I yanked at it in frustration. When I turned to Saffron, she perched naked on the edge of the bed, arms folded, pouting. She looked so much like our daughter my almost-mock-frustration melted into humor at her adorkability. Still, my soul, and more importantly my lady muffin, cried out for vengeance. "Saffron Aetos, I swear, if you pout so hard you shit the bed you''re cleaning it up, not me or Marie."


    She tried heroically, but eventually her pout cracked as she snorted, giggled, and then gave herself over to laughing until she toppled over. While she hooted like a baby baboon, I put away our uniforms, because we''d hardly used them, and dug out our writing supplies. Today''s Sesame Street was brought to me by the letters P and V, and the numbers Six and Nine. I learned all the words typically used by Volunteer contracts in Phileo City, including the fact that the reason duBois trained us in classes of sixteen? Because standard Phileo Volunteer units had Fifteen soldiers plus one Hero, preferably with at least one Sergeant and four Veterans.


    We worked through lunch again, although Marie at least came by to remind us to eat by delivering a lunch of fried fish filets and fried vegetables. Did not know you could make carrot fries. Not sure if I like them yet or not, but they''re definitely not bad, because deep frying makes everything better.


    After lunch I managed to finish up a short but, as Saffron told me, legally complete Volunteer contract for a Phileo City Volunteer Soldier.


    Saffron spent the rest of the day making several very convincing arguments regarding allowing her unregulated experimentation rights to my lady bits. And, y''know, the surrounding area, for a value of ''surrounding area'' of maybe three feet in any given direction. Very convincing arguments. Some of them actually included words. At least one complete sentence, even. But I remained strong in my convictions. No siege weaponry as marital aids.


    Vulcan?


    Oh, god. I am so thoroughly fucked.


    Thoroughly? Not yet.

 Day One Hundred And Eleven

    Dear Diary,


    Kinda weird that the least exhausting day of my week is PT, but there you go.


    Last night was nice. Just all of us snuggled up in a pile.


    I dreamt of the strobe-skylight again. The psychedelic tadpoles changed up their routine for some reason. I mean, still all the squishy and weird, but not petit mort weird any more. They''d replaced that with something that felt the way vanilla soft serve tastes. Cool, sweet, undeniably pleasant. A bit of a downgrade, maybe, but not, like, bad. Somebody''d added color to the light, and not a single one, either. It took me staring, fascinated, for most of the night to figure out that it would pulse in one color for a bit, pause, then pulse in another one. I still felt like I ought to understand it, like somebody''d called my name and wanted me to understand.


    I woke to a certain adorable menace bonking me on the head with a chamber pot.


    I mean, I didn''t realize it was a chamber pot at first. Just that somebody''d bonked me square on the noggin with a clonk. Y''know, the hollow sound everybody expects when my head hits something. I got my eyes open just in time for our chamber pot to fill my vision before bouncing off my forehead with another clonk. It pulled back enough for me to see Isnomi levering it up for another swing.


    "Stop that!" To her credit, she didn''t let it drop. Unfortunately, she''d apparently hit the limits of her balance; she could get it up that high, but then it had to come down. Since I''d forbidden bonking me in the face with it again, she toppled over backwards. Apparently the sounds I made when she bonked me right in the crotch with the damn pot hit her square in the giggle-spot. Once I got over the inevitable wince, because I''m trying to be a Good Mom and not screech at my kid because she whacked me in the split trying to do exactly what I told her to, I pushed myself up onto my elbows and looked her over. She''d let go of the chamber pot, and it rested on my thighs. She still hadn''t stopped giggling at my reaction. Worse, a quick glance around showed me near identical smiles on Saffron and Marie''s faces, despite their eyes remaining shut.


    "Okay, you two. Let it out." I did my best overworked, underappreciated mom voice, "laugh at my pain." That got both of them.


    Saffron rolled around laughing, forcing the words, "not laughing," despite the blatant evidence to the contrary.


    Before I could respond, Marie''s tongue rasped from my shoulder to my ear, where she growled, "nope."


    I swear, the women in my life treat me like a Real Doll.


    Okay, I admit it, I would be understating things entirely to say that I kinda get off on it.


    Not the time, though. I sat up, tumbling Isnomi down onto my lap, where she bonked the chamber pot off my thigh, catching it with one chubby hand before it rolled away. "I get the hint, Menace." I scooped her up, carried her to the desk, and stood by to help her if she needed it. She repeated yesterday''s performance, hopping up and powerbombing the pot. I reached for her, but she hopped off and grabbed at the cloth I''d picked up. She tumbled around until she lay on her back, arched to point her butt at the sky with her legs over her head, and reached down to wipe. Weird as fuck to watch, but my mom once told me I''d never crawled, just rolled around the house until I figured out how to walk, so who am I to judge.


    When she''d flopped the cloth around her bits and rubbed it around the obviously messy spots, she flung her arms up around her legs. "Dahda!"


    When she tried to roll back down, I snagged the rag and held her in place, "Sorry, Menace, but your wiping skills need a little work. Don''t need you leaving a trail of poo everywhere." I finished wiping her clean, thinking about the higher difficulty level of cleaning up a body part blind. She grumped a little, but I made short work of things. Since she hadn''t sat in the shit like she would have by filling the diaper, it really didn''t take all that much work.


    When I finished, I scooted her around a little and put a diaper under her. She wriggled and shouted, "na! Na! Ahnama Bee Ga!"


    I left the diaper under her, but took her hands and pulled her up to look at me. "Not quite yet, Menace."


    "Na! Ahnama Bee Ga!"


    I put one fingertip over her lips, avoided the inevitable nip and booped her on the nose, then placed it back across her lips again. "You''ve used the potty seven days in a row. Very good girl. We''re all very impressed, right?"


    Saffron chimed in, "very much so."


    Marie followed up with, "Yes."


    I nodded, almost losing my straight serious Mom Face when Isnomi nodded right along with me. "But we said seven days of no poop in diapers, too. So you''ve got to keep that up until we all go to sleep tonight. Understand?"


    Her eyes got big, she nodded, and flopped back down, scrabbling at her new diaper, trying to pull it on. It took a surprising amount of doing, but I pushed her hands away and pulled her back up. "There''s more."


    Her lip stuck out, her eyes glistened, and I swear I heard the blubber starting right then, but I booped her nose again and said, "nothing more you need to do, Menace. But things you need to know about being a Big Girl." The waterworks dried up so fast I knew right then she''d got to the point she could turn them on at will. That''s not to say every time she cried it was fake, but now I knew she could fake a tantrum like that. Good to know. "There are rules. Right Ma?"


    "Absolutely, Mama. Just because you''re not wearing a diaper doesn''t mean you get to poo everywhere. Accidents happen, so tell us if you have one, so we can clean it up before it ruins things, but every day you have an accident means two more days of diapers, so we can figure out how to avoid that accident again. Understand?"


    She looked at Saffron, then me, "Ah ca da?"


    "If you poo outside the pot, that''s an accident. No poo outside the pot, no diaper. Poo outside the pot, two days of diaper. Got it?" I looked over the tops of the glasses I didn''t have, trying to maintain Serious Mom Face.


    "Ahcada, ta dapa?"


    "Two," I said, holding up two fingers. "One," one finger, "accident, two," two fingers, "days of diapers."


    Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation.


    Precocious little bugger just nodded and said, "ah ga da."


    "No, no accident."


    Little bitch-in-training rolled her eyes at me. Looked so much like her mom it almost broke my Serious Mom Face. Then, slowly and carefully, like she was the one talking to a toddler, she said, "Ah. Ga. Da."


    I flopped her back and put her diaper on properly, when I pulled her back upright I looked at her and said, "If you''re not wearing a diaper, you''ll need to wear clothing."


    Isnomi gave me a booger look, and Saffron jumped into the conversation with, "while I agree in principle, finding clothing in her size might be difficult. Most Camden toddlers run around naked except in the winter."


    "So you''re telling me the poor kids go naked while the rich ones get clothing?"


    She shrugged, "more or less. Trust me, I agree with you. The first set of clothing I had that fit properly? My Uniform. I filled out before I grew up, and I had the choices of a makeshift toga or clothing meant for someone a foot taller and wider than me. Or more." Those last two words came out in a barely audible mutter. Despite visions of weapons-grade adorable Saffron in oversized clothing, her earlier comment gave me an idea.


    I leaned over and put my forehead against Isnomi''s. At the last second she bonked hers forward, giggling, but I ignored that and whispered, "ready to fly to Ma, Menace?" Her eyes got big, her grin widened, and I called out, "heads up!" before I tossed her at Saffron. Saffron managed to get her hands up in time to intercept the flying-squirrel charge, but Isnomi glomping her face still spilled them both over backwards. I bounced out of the chair and up to glomp Marie so I could put my mouth next to her ear. Keeping my voice low and trying to ignore her persistently roaming hands, I whispered my idea into her ear. The moment she caught the gist of the idea, she stopped the fondle fest. Once I''d finished telling her the plan, I pulled away and asked, "Can you?"


    She looked at where Saffron and Isnomi play wrestled on the ground, her tongue slipping out of her mouth, an honest-to-god genuine blep. After a few moments, where I had all I could do to stop myself from going back to a full on glomp, because Marie Is Warm And Fuzzy, she turned back to me and retracted the blep, nodding.


    "What are you two plotting over there?"


    Despite my desire to fill in for Marie''s undergarments today, I let go and dropped to my feet so she could start dressing. "A surprise for Big Girls, so I can''t tell you yet, because then Isnomi would hear."


    So, apparently Isnomi can make a tongue-stuck-out ''thppptbbttt'' raspberry so poo-sound-like it convinced us to check her diaper while she lay there giggling at our gullibility.


    Care to tell me about the plan, love?


    I watched as Isnomi clambered back up and got right up in Saffron''s face, grabbing onto her ears for support while staring right into her eyes. Alongside worrying that she can see into your brain to hear me at that range, I''d really want to see your reaction to it too.


    I am generally un-fond of surprises, as life has taught me they are inevitably bad. However, given that it''s only a day, and someone has been aggressively educating me about the fact that life has lied to me about many things, we''ll do this your way.


    I walked over and gave her a hand up as Isnomi wandered off to badger Marie for a lift onto her cart. I wrapped my arms around her and quietly asked, "on a completely unrelated topic, would you be upset if I played dress up doll with you?"


    She paused, considering. "Such a thing does not fill me with gleeful anticipation, but considering I have truthfully said I would abase myself to make you smile, I''ll try."


    I pulled her close and quietly told her, "I don''t want to use your pain to ease mine, love."


    "What if that''s what I want?"


    I rolled my eyes, sighed, and pulled her close, resting my face atop her head, just breathing in the smell of her hair. "I''m trying not to be a villain, here."


    She snickered, pulling me tighter. "I know. I admire that. I''ll support you, of course. I''ve just come to the realization that I do not care. If you''re a villain, that is."


    "Good to know."


    We stood there like that, just quietly holding one another, until Isnomi shouted, "ma! Mama!" When we turned to look, she sat atop the cart, holding her hands up in the air and waving them. "Ba! Ba!"


    "Bye, bye, baby! We''ll see you when you get home!"


    Marie and the Menace left, Saffron and I got dressed and headed down to breakfast. We ROTCs made a plan to head down to Drivers for the day; Bill and Angel were gonna head up to PT and tell the sub where we''d all gone, then join us afterward, while the rest would go ahead and set things up. We spent the day talking to people. Just like Thursday, some of them decided right then to Volunteer, including one person we''d spoken with previously. We got a few more people thinking about it. We did some preliminary testing to see if the folks Volunteering would pass muster. After all, no point hiking all the way across Phileo just to get turned down and have to trudge back with nothing to show for it.


    Turns out the two biggest parts of that were an Assess Health and an Inspect. When we asked their permission, most of them just nodded, but one woman said, "why? I mean, I get why you''re doing it here, but why do it at all?"


    Bill jumped into that particular gap, explaining, "because if we put someone who isn''t strong enough to lift their spear and shield in a formation, they could get everyone in the formation killed, no matter how much they''re trying to help. If we have someone without enough stamina to march all day in the army, the whole army could get caught out of position because they had to stop or slow down. If someone has an illness they don''t know about, and they spread it to everyone else in the army?"


    She looked thoughtful, then shook her head. "I need to think about that some more."


    He just smiled and said, "that''s fine. We''re looking for Volunteers; we''re not going to pressure you into anything. Come back if you decide you''re okay with it."


    Bill brought us lunch. Driver''s Diner meatloaf. Some tiny voice inside me wondered about a bull-guy making stuff out of beef, but my tongue and stomach ganged up to beat that little voice to death and hide the body. I''d always thought of meatloaf kind of as a ''distant last ditch idea for leftover meat'', but holy shit this stuff was awesome. They''d put some homemade ketchup and beef gravy on the plate beside it, and I tried it with a little of both, but most of it I just ate straight up without condiments. Ketchup tasted weird on the fried carrots. So did the gravy, although that shit tasted awesome on the rolls they''d sent out in overflowing baskets.


    By mid-afternoon, at Raven''s insistence, we''d pulled out an awning and set it up. Mostly it covered the Volunteer side of the table, which made folks in line like getting to our part of the line even more. Shortly after we''d put it up, she''d pinned up sheets of paper across the front. The center one had a really nice rendition of the Academy crest, and the four to each side read, ''P. C. H. A. | A R M Y'' in really nice, but still easily readable calligraphy.


    Why PCHA instead of Phileo?


    Saffron shrugged. Phileo''s never let the Yards forget about who''s in charge. The Yards are surprisingly okay with the Academy, though. Phileo''s government can go screw itself, but Heroes actually show up when shit gets exceptionally shitty. With some of us going there, that''s shifting from ''okay'' to better than that. Not perfect, and some people here still give me dirty looks, but they''re way more likely to support the Academy than Phileo.


    After that, I started talking about Volunteering for ''the Academy'', and folks really did respond better. Thing is? I get it. Those same kind of subtle distinctions made a difference back in Camden, too. Screw the State government, fuck the City government, the school board can go hang their embezzling asses out to dry, but some of the teachers at Eastside were Good People.


    When we closed down for the night I got an idea and asked Raven if I could borrow the posters for a couple days. She shrugged, said, "can''t leave them here anyway. It might rain," and handed them over.


    We all marched home proud of ourselves. Marie and Isnomi waited at our door for us, the little con artist lying all snuggled up atop the cart, fake snores whistling out of her. We scooped her up and headed for bed. When Marie turned her cart to head off to Marie land, Saffron asked, "you''ve got work tonight?"


    Marie shook her head, shot me a secret little grin, and said, "Errand."


    "So you''ll be back?" When she nodded, Saffron said, "good. We''ll be waiting."


    She''s so cute. I immediately congratulated myself on recruiting Marie into my Nefarious Wardrobe Plan.

 Day One Hundred And Twelve

    Dear Diary,


    I love it when a plan comes together!


    I managed to get Saffron and Isnomi to go to sleep by yawning a lot and bitching about wanting sleep until they both started yawning. I got them both cuddled up on the bed between me and the wall, doing our nested-spoon thing. Good thing, too, because I don''t know why but halfway through faking being sleepy I got whomped with a big ''ol Need To Sleep. I know the others got to sleep before me, but only because Isnomi''s fake-snores shifted to real snores just before Saffron started snoring. As I drifted off, I heard the near-silent click of the door and squeaky wheels setting to the floor as Marie crept in. At some point between there and dreams my furry lover blanket draped herself over me and snuggled us all a little closer.


    Another night of dreams. Still mostly peaceful, although the itches itched a little more. The psychedelic tadpoles had come back in force, but they''d all switched from titillate to comfort, which was nice with the Return of the Itch King. The sky pulse to the east kept up until just before false dawn, then shut down with a sense of finality. False dawn lit the sky with a caterwauling shriek of triumph.


    Isnomi''s Crowing Shriek of Ultimate Victory woke all three of us. Even Saffron booted up fast, because thrilled shrieking baby is only slightly less terrifying than any other form of shrieking baby. I opened my eyes to see the rug rat standing buck naked, one arm against the wall bracing herself up, the other waving her diaper back and forth like a victory flag. "Ahnama na baba! AHNAMA BA GA!"


    I didn''t need Blend to translate that one. I scooped her up and held her above my head as I rolled onto my back. "That''s right, Menace! You''re officially a Big Girl now!" She took a two handed grip on the diaper and yanked at it. The diaper remained unimpressed with her efforts until she went all fuzzy, bit the damn thing, and yoinked one way with her teeth and the other with both hands. Under her ongoing growls I caught the tiniest sounds of ripping cloth. "Let the poor diaper go, Menace. It was just doing its job. Let it retire peacefully into serving as a butt wipe or wash cloth or something.


    She froze and blinked at that, then opened her mouth to let go of the cloth. She half-folded, half bunched it up, then patted it, said, "ga ja," then gave it her best two hand throw toward Marie''s cart. Her best two hand throw got her just enough distance for the thing to land on my face. I shook my head and spluttered to get the faint baby powder residue off my tongue while Isnomi erupted into baby giggles. "Ahnama na baba! Ahnama ba ga!"


    "Yes, you are, little one. You are my Big Girl, and I am very proud of you." Saffron sat up and claimed Isnomi, who seemed perfectly okay with nursing as a Big Girl. Shit, I had half a mind to trade in my Juvenile status for Big Girl status if I could get more Saffron boob time out of the deal.


    With my hands freed, I balled up Isnomi''s Last Diaper and tossed it onto the desk. I figure if I left it lying there for a couple days and wound up not giving a shit, I''d just hand it off for recycling, but a tiny sentimental part of me thought I might want to, I dunno, get Marie to embroider something onto it, like today''s date maybe. I squirmed around to face Marie, put my mouth next to her ear, and said, "is it ready?" She grinned and nodded at her cart. "Okay, everybody. Time to get dressed!"


    Marie rolled out of bed, bouncing to her feet and pulling her Maid''s uniform off the top of the cart, incidentally sliding the side open just a touch as she did. I followed her lead and went to the armoire, pulling out my uniform and dressing as quickly as I could. Saffron lifted an eyebrow, spun around to sit on the edge of the bed, then guided Isnomi''s hands through making everything on me Just So. Once I''d been primped to her satisfaction, I held my hands out and took the Menace while Saffron went to the armoire to get dressed herself. Meanwhile I lifted Isnomi to stand atop the cart, my hands under her armpits gently helping her balance.


    "Now, Isnomi, there are rules for Big Girls, like we told you. Big Girls don''t leave the room without clothes." She gave me a look, and I said, "maybe, once in a while, in an emergency or on a very special occasion, but normally? No clothes, no leaving the room. No clothes, no cart."


    I barely kept from laughing at her forlorn look. She glanced to Marie, who said, "No."


    "CA!"


    "No clothes, no cart."


    She shook her head hard enough to rattle her little brains. "Na ca, CA!"


    I couldn''t leave her half panicked any longer. "Marie? I''ll hold her up, if you could help with the rest?"


    "Yes." While Isnomi froze, her eyes getting bigger by the second, Marie pulled out a stack of tiny red triangles. I hated sacrificing my nice panties, but I still had one pair left for special occasions, and my daughter wouldn''t be sandpapering her crotch or going commando just yet. Her long fingers flashing in a stunning display of dexterity, she slipped the itty bitty silk panties around Isnomi''s bits and tied them in place. Lucky little bugger didn''t need any kind of bra yet, training or otherwise. A tiny hypersonic squee emanated from Isnomi when Marie pulled a stack of tiny black slacks out of her cart next, then, one leg at a time, threaded Isnomi''s slightly-less-chubby-legs-than-yesterday through the legs of her new pants.


    She reached down when Marie left them unsecured, but froze when I shook my head. "Not yet." Next Marie pulled a stack of tiny white ruffled blouses, and we tag-team juggled her into one, tying it in the back. ''Too tight'' and ''too loose'' were mostly irrelevant due to prepubescent lack of boob, but Isnomi untying her shirt remained a strong likelihood. Once we had her blouse properly tied and tucked, we did up her pants, and then, with Isnomi''s bat slaying squeel of glee growing ever louder as it descended into the realm of human hearing, Marie pulled out a pair of shiny black boots and slipped them over the menace''s feet. Finally, Marie pulled out a stack of jackets made out of a familiar thick red material.


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    After the shirt, Isnomi had apparently figured out how to squirm helpfully, and soon Marie''s claws flashed up and down her front, securing all the buttons. That''s when I saw the little nametag, ''Aetos-Diaz''. Not my suggestion. Pure Marie. My brain melted a little. I dropped Isnomi into Marie''s clutches and glomped onto my favorite tiger-Maid. She might have started her day far wetter of apron than she expected, but fuck you. Somebody''d been cutting onions.


    Right about then, Saffron finished in the armoire. Face full of Marie apron, I heard the doors close and the soft cloth ropes slither as she tied it shut, then all sound ceased from her side of the room. "Goof. You are adorable."


    I wiped my eyes across the apron, then turned back around. "What drugs are you on, Kitten?" I nodded toward our industrial-sonic-glass-cutter daughter. "She''s the cute one."


    Somehow Saffron managed to march across our padded floor, right up to our mega-squeeing little one, a grin stretching her face. "Yes, she is. Aren''t you cute, my baby?"


    "Ahnama na baba!" She bunched her arms up, bent her knees a little, and said, "Ahnama ba ga!" then thrust her legs straight, shoving her hands above her head, "DAHDA!"


    We might have lost more than a few minutes to cooing and tickles and giggles. Marie offloaded Isnomi''s wardrobe into the armoire, as well as the few other items I''d had her make, then we trundled off to the Dining Hall, Saffron and I flanking Marie''s cart, each lending Isnomi a finger so she could stand right at the front edge of the cart, hands above her head in a victory pose. We rolled into the Dining Hall just after breakfast hit the tables, and all eating at the ROTC table ceased when they caught sight of the Menace.


    Everybody except Raven took turns letting her sit in their laps, feeding her whatever they could get their hands on. She took it as her due, graciously feeding whoever''s lap she sat on, one tiny handful or spoonful at a time. At one point, as Angel passed her off to Bill, she looked up at me and said, "Welp, there goes today''s rotation."


    "What do you mean?"


    She looked down the table and called out, "who wants to go down to Driver''s with Isnomi today?" Every hand at the table shot up, even Raven''s, though her other hand never stopped sketching. Even a couple hands at the surrounding tables shot up. "Okay, who wants to hold the fort here today?" Every hand slammed down, most of them going straight under the table just to be sure.


    I laughed, "okay, okay, I get the point." I looked to where Isnomi fed a strip of bacon, one carefully broken off bite a time, to Bill. "Isnomi, would you like to come to see Bill''s mom and dad today?"


    "Ya!"


    Her shout filled a sudden silence ripping out from the doorway of the Dining Hall. I looked up to see Headmaster Miles standing there in the doorway, staring at our table. Staring at Isnomi. She noticed, because of course she did. She clambered up onto the table, doing her little tiptoe sprint to the end of the table, nearly toppling off the end before Fred managed to get a hand between her and skydiving to the stone floor. "Hamada! Ahnama ba ga na! DAHDA!"


    The Headmaster turned toward our table, took half a step forward, and froze. I watched the clockwork soul spinning freely for a moment before he continued forward. He nodded to Isnomi. "Cadet Aetos-Diaz. Everything as it should be, I see." He nodded to the table. "Cadets."


    "You okay, Headmaster?"


    "Thank you for asking, Cadet Diaz. I''m certain I will be. This is simply my first experience with lucid dreaming. I never expected it to be quite so disturbing. I''ll see you all tomorrow, I suppose." With that he turned and walked straight up to the head table, grabbed Doc DeLeon and Doc Roberts each by a hand, and dragged them out of the Hall.


    Utter silence reigned until Isnomi turned to the hall and shouted, "DAHDA!"


    There was much rejoicing.


    When we all got to Drivers'', Raven looked at me and said, "do you have the posters?"


    I facepalmed, "ah, shit. I''m sorry, Aetos. I asked the Maids and Maintenance to see if they could do something to protect them from the sun and weather, but I forgot to get them back this morning."


    She shot me an adorkable smirk and said, "that''s okay, I think this will do for the day." She walked over to where the awning had just gone up above the table, where Isnomi held court with adoring folks waiting in line for Drivers'' food. She had to get Angel to give her a boost, but right where the Academy crest had resided yesterday, she hung a single picture.


    Isnomi, standing in full ''victory'' pose with both hands in the air, one of them holding a flagpole with a simple blue flag with a wide white diagonal stripe across it, the words ''Una Ciudad Invencible'' across the base of the stripe. I walked over and leaned in close. "What flag is that?"


    She looked down at me from atop Angel''s shoulders. "Camden''s."


    By the end of the day, every single one of us was exhausted. Them from chain-casting Assess Health and Inspect, me from doing that on top of recharging them all. I don''t think I had to tag anybody more than twice an hour, but oh, my god, I remain absolutely unsure of that. So. Many. Volunteers.


    Midway through the day we lost Isnomi for a bit when Momma Driver came out bringing us all lunch, took one look at Isnomi, and completely lost her shit, enveloping the entire line, square, diner, and volunteering station in a massive mega squee-storm. I swear at one point she was running in circles around the diner itself, squealing in harmony with the Menace for Bill''s dad to come out and see. When he did, Isnomi launched herself at him, glomped him like a starfish on the side of a fishtank, whereupon he patted her on the head, shuddered a little, and handed her back to Momma Driver, who went straight back into Kawaii Overload Berserker Mode.


    At the end of the day we collected Isnomi, put away our table, chairs, and awning, and staggered back to the Academy. We had to go in the back; the front had a crowd so goddamned big we couldn''t see the stairs. We got up to our room, let Marie take care of undressing and bathing all three of us, and tumbled into a pile on the floor one at a time as she finished.


    As you''ve asked, a reminder. We see The Smith on the morrow. Wear The Dress.


    I nodded. In the morning.


    Visit The Smith at night? How could you think I value us so little as to even consider that.

 Day One Hundred And Thirteen

    Dear Diary,


    I am not the villain. I am not the bad guy. I am not the BBEG. I am not Ragnarok given human form. ''Human''. Yeah, right.


    I am not a villain. If I keep telling myself that, maybe I''ll believe it at some point.


    Crashed hard last night. Even chill dream got muted. Not gone, but everything just kinda... dark. Like, literally dark, not scary nightmare dark. No light show to the east, itchy everywhere to the north, wildly active psychedelic tadpoles in the water. But at the same time everything got more, it also felt... less.


    What? It''s a fuckin'' dream, they''re not supposed to make sense.


    Anyway, woke up to fuzzy Isnomi rubbing her cheek against mine and purring. Also, my tits were kinda sore. I checked, no missing nips or anything, but I still whispered, "did someone forget which mommy has milk again?"


    "Mama na mak. Mama bad!"


    "Mama isn''t bad!" Not sure why I reacted so strongly. Just feel like every time the whole ''good, bad'' dichotomy comes up lately, I get slotted firmly into ''bad''. Worse, even Saffron doesn''t tell me I''m not. She loves me, won''t leave me even if I am the bad guy, but... Shit, I just don''t wanna be the Bad Guy.


    The menace pushed herself back enough to look me in the eyes, and gave a brief idiot-voice lecture. "Mama na bat. Mama gu bud."


    I snuggled her, rubbing my cheeks against hers in turn. "Yeah, we''re buds. Still not gonna get you out of this room all fuzzy."


    She just rolled her eyes and reciprocated the face rubbing. She even started pawing at me, and something clicked. "Hey, Menace, are you marking me?"


    "Ya." She nodded solemnly. "Ka Mama Sa. Ma Mama! Ma!"


    I smiled at her, said, "Screw it, we both got a bath last night, neither of us stinks too bad.", then picked her up and just rubbed her all over me while she giggled.


    "I don''t want to know, do I?"


    I smiled at Saffron and said, "I think she wants me to smell like her today. No idea why." I held Isnomi to look her in the eye. "So, is it Ma''s turn for fuzzy Isnomi to mark her up but good?"


    She just tossed her head and said, "Na. Ma ga."


    Saffron got the cutest little pout as she sat up and folded her arms across her chest. "I cannot believe that I am actually envious of someone being used as a human marking post."


    "See, Menace? You''re gonna make Ma feel all left out." I turned her around to face Saffron, then gave her a shove in the butt to get her moving. She giggled madly as she pounced on my Kitten, proceeding to rub her face all over her before settling in to breakfast.


    I rolled and bounced my way out of the bed, jostling Marie enough to wake her up. Well, enough to make her admit to being awake; I figured she''d been awake and just lazing for a bit. No judgement, big cat''s gotta laze sometimes, and it made me feel six kinds of special that she did it here, with us.


    I pulled The Dress out of the armoire, handed Marie the boots and hopped up to perch my ass on the desk, dangling my feet out. "Little help, please?"


    Out of the corner of my eye I saw the menace making grabby motions at my boots. "Oh, no. You''re not allowed to get a pair of these until the thirty fifth of never, in the year of fuck that." I hid my shudder at the thought of The Smith even knowing I had a kid, let alone getting close enough to her to measure her and shit. Once Marie had the boots on me, I hopped off the desk and took a turn around the room, strutting in front of Saffron. "What do ya think?"


    She raised her eyes from my ass to meet my gaze, then said, "Marie, my hands are full with Isnomi. Would you?" I didn''t even see it coming. Marie''s just too fast. Her open palm must have been doing just short of the speed of sound when it hit my ass. Isnomi fell off the tit giggling at my reaction when Saffron said, "thank you, Marie."


    "No fair, you two ganging up on me."


    "No, it''s absolutely not. You''re always the one getting twice the attention. You two should really work on that."


    What about Marie?


    Well it''s not like we can catch her if we plan that out loud, is it?


    Fair point.


    I got The Dress on, then went over and let Isnomi and Saffron make sure every fold and drape lay Just So. "Will you be taking Isnomi today?"


    I didn''t try to hide my shudder. "Hell no. I''ve got my modeling session for the Smith today."


    She winced. "I can''t recall if you forgot to tell me, or you told me and I blocked it from my mind so as not to worry."


    "Don''t worry, love. I can handle him."


    "I''m not sure you can."


    I popped out a pair of arm-length, arm-width Mana Blades from the backs of my wrists, then shadow boxed as I said, "if he gets out of line I''ll give him one of these, one of those, and some of this!"


    "Love?" Saffron''s quiet pleading stopped me mid-punch. I dropped the Blades and knelt down next to her. She put one hand against the side of my head and kissed my hair, while Isnomi mirrored her on my other side. "Be careful. The Smith terrifies the gods themselves. If such a thing exists, he is Evil Incarnate."


    "People say the same things about me."


    Her frightened frown twisted up into a lopsided grin. "So they do, but you''re my Evil Terror Incarnate."


    I frowned, "I don''t want to be Evil."


    "I know, love. That''s part of why I love you. But even if you dove headfirst into your worst nature, my love would remain."


    "Pfft. You just want me headfirst into your natural bits."


    She slapped at my shoulder. "Be careful, Goof."


    "Never am, never will be. I''ll see you tonight."


    Ready, Boss.


    I lifted one hand, grabbed Loki''s, and stepped into the baking heat of the Smith''s Workshop.


    Loki stood beside me, wearing thick leather armor cut into a semblance of a suit. Okay, above the waist, because below the waist he had his black leather pants on. Gotta say, Sigyn''s got some good taste there. What? I''m married, not dead. If those two mixed their genetics? Legendary ass. Just sayin''.


    Then I thought about what happened to their actual kids, and hit just about the right amount of pissed off for dealing with this asshole.


    "I have been waiting for hours." I was right about the appropriate amount of pissed off. Instead of jumping when he spoke from just outside my field of view, I just swiveled my head around to stare at him.


    "You were promised a day''s work," Loki replied. "Sundown to sundown was not specified, and sunrise to sundown is completely reasonable. She is, after all, a mortal, and you agreed she would not be harmed."


    The Smith just looked at me and snorted. "Mortal." Then he turned to Loki, "You are, of course, correct. Your arrival at sundown was assumed on my part. I would have had a further evening''s entertainment planned had I known. Apologies." He turned to me and nodded as he apologized, then turned back to Loki. "To be clear, lest either of us become forgetful, I agreed that she should not now or ever come to harm through my actions, nor should I allow her to come to harm through the actions of others while she resides in my workshop. In addition, I generously added that I should do my utmost to keep her from any harm at the hands of my worshippers."


    "Such generosity is suspicious in one with your reputation. The wording is even more suspicious. You of all deities I expect would keep a tight rein on your worshippers."


    Yep. Sociopath. Nobody else could make such a perfect, ''who, me?'' face. Okay, maybe a con artist like yours truly, but I''ve been told by those old dudes on the New Jersey that I had a natural knack for that. "I have yet to control the actions of my worshippers, save to express my displeasure with those who have offended me personally. I would hardly dictate their actions."


    "Yeah, he does that, none of them piss him off, and he doesn''t get to go all murdery on them." At the Smith''s creepy smile and nod toward me, I continued with, "you''ve got me until sundown, and we''re burning daylight."


    "Such professionalism. You could stand to learn a thing or two from her." As Loki did his Divine best to not stand there gaping, The Smith turned, pointed to a weird dais in the middle of the room, and said, "disrobe and stand there."


    I pulled off The Dress, tossed it to Loki, did the same with her boots, and took my place on the dais. A circle maybe four foot around, maybe four feet up from the floor, with steep steps up one side, and another set of steps extending up the other. Prior to duBois, I''d have had a bitch of a time climbing up, but now I just hopped up the steps two at a time, then turned to face Loki, who stood holding The Dress folded up atop one hand, her boots over his shoulder, one hand casually resting on the bone white hilt of a dagger at his side.


    The Smith went to work. For hours he had me posing in every imaginable position. I caught on to the reason for the weird steps pretty quick, as he used them to stand and take measurements everywhere from the soles of my feet to the top of my head. Also, he could simulate me positioned on a slope pretty well, although every time he did that, he''d move me back to the middle of the dais afterward and make me hold the same fuckin'' pose until he''d finished his measurements. At some point early in the day my sweat overcame the dry heat of the workshop. The Smith snapped his fingers and a gentle breeze wafted across me, drying up my sweat almost as well as the dry heat had been doing.


    "Thanks."


    "I cannot have my model slip, and your sweat might overwhelm even this," he waved one hand toward the high grip surface I stood on.


    "Wow. I didn''t know you cared."


    "If your pose changes, I must retake all of my measurements, and as you have correctly noted, my time with you is limited."


    "Right."


    "Be silent. Speaking also changes your pose when you go on too long."


    I zipped my lip. Of course he didn''t give me a break, at lunch or otherwise. I was thankful for that, really, since I''d long since passed the stomach-clenching phase of physical effort. Running a marathon is what human bodies are made for; we''re pursuit predators. This kind of weird posing shit, though? Exhausting, even for me.


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    What really baked my noggin a little was that I''d expected to be The Smith''s dress-up doll for the day, but not once did he put an actual article of clothing on me. Once or twice he wrapped some kind of tape measure around a body part, then have me move through a full range of motion, but ''tape measure'' does not equate to ''clothing''.


    Every time I got a glimpse of Loki, he still stood there, The Dress and her boots held carefully, casually slouched with that bone handle close to hand.


    Eventually, after an eternity that hit ''fuckin'' torturous'' sometime about half an hour in, The Smith held out one hand and escorted me off of the dais.


    "Already, Smith? The sun has not yet set in Phileo City."


    "I am well aware of the time, Backbiter. Leave us." Loki straightened, his hand gripping that ominous bone hilt, but before he could speak, The Smith looked at me and asked, "must I harm this one in order to make him understand our positions?"


    At the slithery sound of a bone dagger slipping free of its sheath, I realized The Smith hadn''t been asking Loki. "Boss, stop."


    The dagger paused, its tip still sheathed. "Tabitha..."


    "No, Boss. He didn''t promise your safety."


    The grin that stretched across The Smith''s face went just the tiniest bit further than a human smile ought to. "She is correct. Before you choose your response, let me make it clear. Had I desired to harm you? I would have done so by now."


    Are you certain?


    Go. I''ll call for you when I need you. Keep The Dress safe.


    Loki drew himself up from the combat crouch he''d assumed, his dagger sliding back into its sheath as he did so. "Should she come to harm, I shall wax most wroth with you, Smith. Keep your worshippers in check."


    That creepy fuckin'' smile got wider, if anything, and the whole place darkened just a little. "I do so even now. Begone."


    Loki bristled, but gave a quick bow, stepped backwards, and was gone.


    That stupidly creepy smile melted into something far less inhuman, but maybe scarier because of that. I nearly pissed myself when he dropped to one knee and said, "Mimic. I had so hoped you would bring your lovely daughter along today."


    The meaning of his words hit, and before I could think I stood over him, dozens of Mana Blades extending from my arms, my shoulders, my torso, curving around to surround him with a thicket of hissing, spitting points of light that pressed against a Mana Ward that hovered inches from his skin. I poured Mana into the blades until the entire room darkened, filled with the hissing crackle of imminent death.


    "Mimic, never have I uttered this word before, and never shall I again, so know the import when I say unto you," he raised his head to look me straight in the eye, ignoring how it lined a Blade up with each of his eyes. "Please, hear my request before you pass judgement upon me."


    That got to me. This sociopathic chucklefuck did not seem the sort to say ''please'', or make any kind of ''request'', come to think of it. I kept all the Mana Blades in place, but stopped shoving Mana into them, stopped leaning on them with all my might, and said, "You have until sunset. Make it good, or I will wreck your shit in every conceivable way possible."


    He smiled up at me, the most natural smile I''d seen on his face yet. "Of course, although it is you who has a sunset deadline, I believe."


    "Explain that. Now."


    "I am not threatening you in any way whatsoever. I am informing you of an impending natural, unavoidable effect of my High Holy Day, which starts at sunset."


    I sucked my teeth. "Not threatening me, just telling me I die on your High Holy Day or some shit like that?"


    He shook his head, "no, my High Holy Day is only tangentially connected, and I doubt the effects will kill you. I chose my Day for the same reasons you will doubtless find it refreshing, yet reduce our ability to communicate regarding the agreement I wish to forge with you."


    I glared down at him, "what makes you think I''d make an agreement with somebody who just threatened my kid?"


    He shot me a look of innocence accused. Damn this fucker was good. "Threaten Isnomi?" He chuckled. "In my current state, I am uncertain I could harm her standing here in my place of power. As you might put it, ''all I would do is piss her off''."


    "Yeah, pull the other one, it''s got bells on."


    He looked down at my feet. "Mimic. Living Ragnarok. Black Swan with a thousand, thousand young. I have not once lied to you, nor shall I ever should my request please you."


    "How the fuck do you know what a fucking Black Swan is?"


    He looked back up to me, tilting his head and smiling. "Any Deity worth the name can see the world of Tabitha Diaz, should they know where to look. Since our first meeting, I have perused it thoroughly."


    "So you know where I''m from. Good for you. I''m guessing you think you know all about me then."


    He shook his head. "How can any know Mimic? She can barely know fragments of herself, the rest of us can simply look on in awe."


    I shook my head, the Mana Blades wobbling just the slightest bit as I did. No luck, he didn''t drop his shield. "Look, stop blowing smoke up my ass and tell me what you want."


    He nodded, "as you wish." Fucker had to have hit that cadence on purpose. "Mimic, Living Ragnarok, Black Swan with a thousand, thousand young, from my earliest childhood memories you have been my inspiration. To meet you in the flesh is an honor beyond any I expected to befall me, and yet I would ask you for an honor that dwarfs that in comparison." He lowered his head until he looked up at me, nailing the perfect ''beseeching'' pose. "Adopt me."


    "What. The. Ever-loving. Fuck. Why the fuck do you think I''d do that?"


    He cast his gaze down to my feet. "Many reasons. Should you re-create me as your child, I will strive to be a dutiful son. I shall watch over my siblings, taking slights upon them as upon myself, harm to them as harm to myself, which I have ever responded to in kind. I shall obey your every command to the best of my ability to comprehend it. I shall never lie to you, and will gladly answer any question where the answer itself will not do you irreparable harm."


    That sounded too good to be true. "Can you lie?"


    "I know the method, although I have never used it. I find lies aesthetically displeasing."


    That forced a snorted chuckle from me. "Yeah, I''m sure you live for your art."


    "And many have died for it." He peeked up at me through his lashes. "Did you enjoy the show these last nights, mother of my heart?"


    I refused to respond to that. I knew exactly what he implied, both the light show and that he''d killed at least one person for it. Fuck it, I had to respond. "How many?"


    One hand twitched in a throwing-away gesture. "Seven. They all plotted designs against your paramour, at their Gods'' instigation."


    Fuck. I was actually considering this crazy shit. Double fuck. This was crazy shit, which put it squarely in my wheelhouse. "You''ll be a dutiful son to my wife as well as me."


    I caught a flicker of mild disgust cross his face, but he said, "as you have said it, so it shall be, mother of my heart."


    Loki? You out there?


    When nobody replied, I upped the power in my Blades an erg and growled out, "what did you do to Loki?"


    "Nothing. I have simply sealed my workshop, that we might speak candidly without him discovering your identity, oh beloved Primordial."


    "And he''s not trying to get back in?"


    That pulled a chuckle out of The Smith. "Oh, the locals curse Poseidon with every breath. The earth trembles with the Liesmith''s wrath, but that does not concern me. Amuses me, but does not concern me."


    "So people are dealing with an earthquake so you can do your little song and dance in private?"


    "Would you rather the Backbiter learn of your true identity from me? I could arrange that, should you desire it."


    "Fuck." I trusted Loki, but right now I''m not sure if his reaction would lean toward Saffron or Angel. Not that Angel knew about Mimic, but you get the point. A wave of darkness washed across me. "The fuck was that?"


    "The wheels of Apollo''s chariot touch the horizon. Time speeds past."


    "Double fuck. You don''t touch family. Any of it."


    He sighed and nodded, "I should only ask that you clearly indicate who you consider family."


    "You don''t know?"


    He smirked up at me. "How would I know when you do not?"


    I tilted my head in a shrug. "Fair point. You''re an Evil fucker. Probably the Evilest one I''ve met yet."


    He imitated my shrug. Smooth fucker. "You''ve met Zeus. I have yet to rape. You''ve met Ares. I have never started a war, for my own amusement or any other reason. You''ve met Hera. I have yet to vent my wrath upon fellow victims of an abuser. Am I really so Evil?"


    "You terrify the fuckin'' Gods."


    "So do you, mother of all that I am."


    "You torture people to death, and enjoy doing it."


    He nodded, "I have never claimed otherwise. Those who offend me become my canvas and my pigment, my marble, my clay, their screams the instrument of my music."


    Fuck. If I was gonna do this, I might as well muzzle this fucker. "As a good and dutiful son, I expect you to ask for mommy''s permission before you kill anybody." My brain kicked in and I added, "Or anything else irreversible."


    He sighed, "I had hoped not, but I should have expected that. Then again, I suppose as a good and dutiful son, I shall come to appreciate my mother as audience to my Art."


    "No fighting with your sister."


    He arched a brow. "You would allow me to fight with my brother? What would your wife say?"


    "You don''t have a brother."


    "But should you adopt me, I will." He dangled that shit out there, taunting me. "Mother-to-be, time grows short. May I stand?"


    I slid my Mana Blades back in, and felt his Mana ward shift as he stood. A pace later it fell apart after travelling with him toward a cabinet he unlocked. He pulled down a large, flat shelf, then set a few things on it. A shoebox sized case. A small guillotine, the opening sized for a wrist rather than a neck. A dagger twin to the Evil fucker I''d snapped on the Equinox.


    "So what do I do, just declare you my son?"


    He smiled ruefully at me. "I should wish. But before we begin, long before I dreamt of you adopting me, I had another, less ambitious dream." He lifted the guillotine blade into place, threaded a string through the lever, and handed me the other end of it. He shoved his right hand through the guillotine''s opening, clamping it in place. "If you would honor me?"


    Sick fucker. My head twitched in the slightest of shakes, then I grit my teeth and yanked. The blade fell, and he gasped as his right hand fell into his left. He knelt before me, his right wrist spurting into a growing pool on the floor, holding his right hand up to me with his left. "My final offering to you before I become your son in truth." What the fuck was I supposed to say to that. I took his hand, and he wobbled to his feet. He picked up the dagger, flipped it around to hold it out to me, hilt first. I shifted his hand to my left and reached for it with my right. He nodded to his hand, wobbling a bit as blood poured from his wrist, "I regret the inconvenience, but to complete this requires some modicum of your blood."


    I waved his own hand at him, "I don''t want to drop this, but I don''t exactly have pockets. In case you didn''t notice."


    He chuckled, obviously wobbling and getting a little delirious. "I actually hadn''t." He took his hand back and set it on the desk next to the guillotine. I ran the blade across my left palm to test it, and blood leaked out from a long, shallow cut. He waved me closer. "Take the blade in your left hand." After I swapped hands, he reached out and wrapped my hand around his. "You acknowledge me as your son?" I nodded. "I trust you, mother." He yanked my arm forward, plunging the dagger straight through his own heart.


    He collapsed like a doll with its strings cut, and a massive rush of power surged into me as the dagger ripped his soul from him and delivered it to me. I stared down at his body. All I had to do to rid the world of its most sociopathic, sadistic, cruel bastard was walk away. He was a sick fucker who tortured people for fun, who scared the piss out of gods.


    The dripping of blood sounded so much like Lancaster''s piss.


    Everything I''d ever heard about him? People said about Mimic. About me. Okay, nobody said I was ''artistic'', but that wasn''t a point in my favor.


    His last words echoed in my ears as a wave of blackness rushed across me. In the end, it didn''t matter who or what he was. It mattered what I was.


    I knelt down and lay my hand over the seeping wound in his chest, and pulled together every bit of power that flowed into me through the dagger. "Revive."


    His eyes shot open, and he filled his lungs in a single long gasp. He grabbed at my hand and stared up into my eyes, joyous adoration filling his gaze to the exclusion of everything else, up to and including his ever-present creepy. "Mother." He clutched at my hand, holding it to his chest as he closed his eyes reverently. Another wave of darkness washed over me, and he rose smoothly to his feet, lifting me to mine with his left hand. "We must get you home before dark." He slipped his hand from mine. "This will just take a moment."


    He reached over and opened the shoebox-case on the desk and lifted out a hand. I couldn''t tell on sight if it was an actual hand or a really fucked up prosthetic. He saw me looking and smiled. "Do you like it, mother?" He held it out for my inspection. The skin looked real. The fingers matched his other hand, long and dexterous, but where his other hand had been manscaped to near baldness, this one had thick, dark hair across the back and along the backs of the fingers. As he turned it and I looked on in growing unease, I saw a scar across the back sewn shut with delicate stitches. Then I noticed the eyes. Not a scar. A mouth.


    Hoping desperately I wouldn''t vomit instead of speaking, I whispered, "it''s very nice, dear. Not your usual look, though."


    He nodded, literally grinning from ear to ear, and some part of me just fucked the fuck off screaming at that not being even close to the creepiest thing in the room at the moment. "I do try to force the essence of my materials to shine through." He slid it onto his still bleeding stump, and when he folded the skin at the base of the hand around his wrist, the bleeding stopped as the skin melded seamlessly with his own, the dividing line only visible due to the change in hair texture and color. "Tyr objected to the show I put on for you. Rudely." The Smith let out a heartfelt sigh. "Given what he did to Loki''s sons, I so wanted to use his intestines for something, but," he shrugged, "an artist must follow his muse, yes?"


    "Seems fair to me." I cudgeled my brain for what I''d say to Isnomi if she so clearly wanted my approval. "Well done. Appropriate and flawlessly executed, it looks like." I nodded, and staggered as another wave of blackness rushed across me.


    He caught me with his right hand, and I couldn''t help but shudder, which only made his grin wider. "Let''s get you home." He reached up with his right hand, and a faint crackling rumble sounded through the whole room. I got a sensation of rushing forward, then backward, and a blistering line of light carved the shape of a door into the wall in front of us. He reached out, pulled it open, and guided me through without passing the threshold himself. "I remain near should you need me, mother." He slid the door closed behind me, pushing me all the way through. I wound up with a face full of cloth, and something clotheslined me just as another wave of blackness hit. This one didn''t go away. I pushed at the doors in front of me, the rope slithering as the knot untied itself.


    I staggered out of my armoire, vaguely noticed Saffron, Marie, and Isnomi staring shocked at my sudden arrival, and collapsed flat on my face on the bed as blackness claimed me.

 Day One, One, One? Four!

    Dear Diary,


    Shhh! Momma doesn''t know I''m here. I have Important Big Girl Things to do.


    Momma sleeps now. More sleep than normal sleep. Momma and Big Momma both sleep, because today is when There is Here. So Momma double sleeps.


    Mom is sad. She cries. "Wake up, Goof! What the fuck is going on?" She shakes Momma, but Momma doesn''t shake. "Marie, help me!" Marie lifts Momma, but Momma doesn''t lift. Silly Marie can''t lift Momma because There is Here and nobody can lift Big Momma, because she is Too Big. They both try, and I swallow my giggle. I am a Big Girl. If they see me, they might not let me do Big Girl Things, because they don''t know how Important they are. "Marie, go get Sister Siobhan. Tell her nothing. Do not bring her in the room until I let you in."


    Marie leaves. That''s good, because Marie is too good at Find. If I Hide she''ll find me. I have Important Big Girl Things to do. I glare at Brother. He thinks the armoire makes him safe from me. Stupid... I sniff Momma''s blood. Smug. Brother is smug. I Hide my Me and slip off the bed. Mom cries over Momma. I sniff There until I find Mau. Mau''s Me sneaks to the armoire. Mau''s claws pull the rope, it slides free. Mau''s claws pull me up the armoire. Stupid Brother.


    I push the amoire open just enough to crawl through. I Hide my Big Girl to reach the door Stinky Brother hid Here, and push it open just enough. I sniff There until I find Must. Must''s Me slips through the tiny crack, and I freeze. Stinky Brother is here. Here is stinky and wrong. There is Here now, but this There still isn''t Here. That makes my ears feel bad. I want to go back Here, but if I don''t do my Important Big Girl Things, Momma will hurt. NO. I sniff There until I find Keel and Hor. I look and sniff until I find the Most Stinky Bit. Way over there, past Stinky Brother.


    I sniff There until I find Pee. Pee and Mau sneak to the Most Stinky Bit. Stinky Brother doesn''t see me. I get to the Most Stinky Bit, but need up. I reach. I am too small. I stretch, I Hide my Big Girl more. I climb up, and Most Stinky Bit is there. I do this, because Momma can''t. I un-Hide my Big Girl all the way, Hide my Baby Teeth, and eat.


    The Most Stinky Bit tastes bad. I bite harder and swallow. So, so, bad. Hard to smell anything but Most Stinky Bit. I bite again, swallow again. I do again, and again, and again. So bad. So Stinky. No puke. Only bite, only swallow. Halfway done.


    "Pardon me, Sister dear, but pray tell me, what do you think you''re doing?"


    The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.


    I sniff Momma''s blood... Fuck. I push the Stinky Bit behind me and look at Stinky Brother. "Ahnama na da na da."


    Stinky Brother may be Stinky, but he listens. "You, little one, are most certainly not doing nothing. That was a gift for Mother. Give it back."


    "Na!"


    "Give it back, or I will..." Stinky Brother makes a face. "Give it back and I will make you the best toys."


    No! I have Important Big Girl Things to do. "Na hu Mama!"


    Stinky Brother looks up. "There is no way that gift can possibly hurt Mimic, even now."


    Stinky Brother is stupid. "Na Bi Mama. Mama."


    Stinky Brother makes a Stinky Face. "Tabitha?" He makes a Stinkier Face. "She barely exists, why should I care what happens to her?"


    "Ah ca."


    "Be that as it may, that is a gift for Mother, and you will unhand it now." Stinky Brother steps closer.


    I un-Hide all my Me. I sniff There until I find Meg. Meg smiles. I sniff Momma''s blood... "Wa na ga?" I growl. Stinky Brother stinks like the Most Stinky Bit. Ew.


    Stinky Brother stops. He blinks. "I am the Primordial Terror of Gods. You? Stand against me? Think again, child." Stinky Brother''s Me spills, fills the room. Stinky Brother''s Me makes Mau hungry. Meg can''t smell Stinky Brother''s Me.


    I sniff Momma''s blood.. "Kika poo. Ah Kika poo." Meg snaps her teeth when Stinky Brother grabs me. Stinky Brother smells like his Me. Stinky Brother Jumps back. I sniff Momma''s blood... "Da so."


    Meg bites the Most Stinky Bit, gulps it down.


    My tummy hurts. I Hide my Me and hold up arms.


    "You expect me to pick you up after doing that?"


    "Tikibada Kika poo?"


    "You are a vulgar little child, and you''ve ruined my gift for Mother. No."


    I point to the armoire. "Na pa."


    "I fail to see how that is my issue."


    I shrug. My Important Big Girl Thing is near done. I squat. Time to do what Momma can''t.


    "YOU VULGAR LITTLE! STOP! STOP! YOU WIN! YOU WIN!" Stinky Brother runs, scoops me up, runs to door, shoves me through.


    I roll into Here. Stinky Brother slams the door. Mom still cries over Momma. Marie knocks. Mom opens door. Marie lets Shavan in. Shavan cries over Momma. Shavan looks at Momma with her Me, and falls down. Mom cries, touches Shavan''s neck. "Return her to the infirmary, then come right back, please."


    My tummy hurts. I run at Mom, fall on her butt. "Ma." Mom cries at Momma. "Ma." Mom cries. "Ma. Ma!" Mom cries more. "MA! NA PA! NA PA NA! MA!" I Hide my Baby Teeth and nip her butt.


    "Ow! Why? I''m sorry, baby. Mama''s sick."


    My tummy rumbles. It hurts so much. "PA! NA! PA!" I scream, I point at pot.


    "Oh! I''m sorry!" She scoops me. She scoops pot. Lid off pot, me on pot.


    I do what Momma can''t. Tummy hurt stops. All better now. Tired.


    "By all the Gods, child, what did you eat?" Mom makes funny faces. "I know that can''t be from my milk. How in the Hells have you turned my milk and good food into... TABITHA! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN FEEDING OUR CHILD?"


    Mom silly. Lid on Pot. Marie comes in. "Marie, I hate to ask, but could you dispose of whatever vileness our daughter''s guts have produced?"


    Mom wipes. Back to Momma. I lay on Momma. I purr. "Mama na sa. Ma pu."


    Momma will find us. I purr. Mom cuddles Momma and purrs. Marie comes back. Marie cuddles Mom and Momma and purrs.


    We purr. We sleep.

 Day One Hundred Fifteen?

    Dear Diary,


    Life is just not fair. If I stumble into my room and pass out for twenty four hours, I ought to have some good stories to go with it. A fight. A feast. Some booze. Shit, just happening to somebody for the previous twenty four. Something.


    So the last thing I remember? Collapsing into bed. Nothing I could call a proper ''dream'' last night, either. A few really vague images. Darkness. Crowds of people screaming, some in fear, others in angry defiance of fear. The only thing I really remember, the only one that hit me on an emotional level? A single brief scene of Marshall duBois and Hero Castro standing back to back, surrounded by a crowd of sword wielding guys in fancy orange and blue outfits, with guys in plain orange outfits with blue crosses across them backing them up with long spears. That kinda pissed me off a little. Maybe a lot. The scene went black except for Castro and duBois, who just spun in place, back to back.


    I woke buried in a pile of aggressively purring bodies.


    "Hey guys," I wriggled my arms, because I said buried and I meant buried. Isnomi lay atop my chest, curled up like a kitten. Saffron curled around my left side, her arms pressing the side of my head to her breasts, her head against the top of my own. Every remaining part of me except my mouth? Covered in Marie. "Guys? Not that I mind, but what''s with the cuddle-fest?"


    Isnomi rolled to all fours, stretched like a cat, then crawled up to put her hands on my cheeks. "Mama!" She batted at Saffron''s arm. "Ma! Ma! Ma! MA!" Saffron stirred, and Isnomi said, "Mama ba!"


    Saffron pulled away just far enough to see me, her eyes all red and puffy. Before I could ask, she clamped me into a desperate liplock, like she needed to lick my tonsils clean or something. Not that I object, mind you, but between the puffy eyes and desperation I had a vague thought I might be missing something important, like a limb. I wiggled everything, and everything responded. I would have put my arms around Saffron to hold her, but she had my left pinned to my side, and Marie did the same on my right. Right about then Marie entered into our little necking session by licking me from the base of my neck to just above my ear, over and over.


    When Saffron finally came up for air, she pulled back just far enough to stare deep into my eyes. "Tabitha?"


    "That''s me. Did something happen? Did that son of a bitch do something? Are you okay?"


    "Am I okay? Am I okay?" She pulled back, spluttering, then punched me square in the shoulder before turning around, arms folded, in a huff. In her absence, Marie moved over me and kissed me just as thoroughly as Saffron had. Weird experience. Her tongue was absolutely as scratchy as you''d think, and it''s just plain bigger than you''d expect, even from someone of her size, and her size... I''ve never had somebody kiss me and make me feel more petite than Saffron before. That''s an item off my bucket list now. Again with the weird, she tasted like fish. Not, like, cooked fish, but like raw fish smells. Again, not rotten fish, but fresh fish. Really weird. Not sure how I felt about it.


    Saffron had no such indecision. When Marie pulled away from me, finally freeing my arms so I could sit up, Saffron glowered at her. "That is entirely inappropriate and excessively intimate behavior for a concubine, Marie." When Marie cast her eyes down, before I could intervene, a tiny smile crossed Saffron''s lips and she continued, "if anyone objects, gut them." She leaned in and gave a startled Marie a quick kiss on the lips, then turned back to me with a deep, relieved sigh. "I''m fine. As far as I know, all three of us are fine. Marie?"


    Marie nodded, "Fine."


    I looked down at Isnomi, who''d clung to my belly like a limpet through all of the assorted tongue twisting going on in my mouth region. She looked up from attempted nomming of the lactose free tits. "Ah fa." At my raised eyebrow, she just shrugged and pointed at my eye. I extruded an Assess Health at her. A whole faceful of gibberish popped up in front of me, the only semi-coherent thing being, ''Isnomi Aetos-Diaz: Health? Health!''


    "What the fuck?"


    Saffron looked from Isnomi to me, a ''what the fuck, Diaz'' look on her face, which dropped off immediately in favor of looking a little sheepish. "Oh, that''s me. I''ve been tinkering with a version of Assess Health that accounts for our daughter''s Divine nature. It''s not going as quickly as I''d hoped."


    I snorted, "You don''t say? Don''t you think someone might notice?"


    She shrugged, "If I got the localization wrong, they would have, but no one''s said anything. I could temporarily disable it and restore the normal version, but then the feedback circuit breaker wouldn''t be in place, and with you asleep I wasn''t sanguine about that."


    "Okay. You appear to be speaking about Mana Shaping of some kind. Other than that you totally lost me."


    She poked me in the ribs. "You''re smarter than that."


    "Eh. I''m not quite utterly clueless, but I''m not exactly a Mana geek. Why did you need a circuit breaker?"


    "Oh. Siobhan knocked herself out trying to use a regular Assess Health on you yesterday. I still have no idea what she saw. I''m not sure I want to know, but I''m certain we''ll need to deal with whatever she saw sooner than later."


    I shook my head a little, curling an arm around her and pulling her to me, doing the same with Marie on the other side. I thought of something, glanced to Marie, and asked, "do you have to get ready for work?"


    She gave me a really weird look, sighed a little, and said, "Night."


    "It''s not morning yet?"


    "It''s Wednesday night, just after sunset, or thereabouts. You... slept? You collapsed at the close of Monday and slept the clock round."


    My asshole puckered up at that, lemme tell you. "Why the scare quotes around slept?"


    "You weren''t breathing. I couldn''t feel your pulse. The only reason I knew you lived was the heat radiating off of you. Even that..." she shuddered, then looked pensive, then broke down laughing, just shy of hysteria.


    I shook her gently. "Saff?"


    Her laughter cut off with a growl. "You will enjoy paying for that when the little one sleeps. Sorry, love. I just realized that I was thinking of the heat coming off of you as ''unnatural''. As if anything about you has ever been natural in the slightest."


    "I dunno, you were just suggesting some really natural activities there a second ago."


    "That was demanding, not suggesting, sweet heart. And if we''ve done nothing unnatural yet, my imagination must be failing me."


    That got me, I chuckled and pulled her in for another kiss. Isnomi complained midway through, nipping at my nip painfully. I scooped my hand under her butt and pulled her up between Saffron and I. "Oi! Mini-bitch! That hurts!"


    The menace let out an absolutely spot on Muttley snicker, then burrowed her face into my hair. Saffron stared at the back of her head for a second, then shook her head. "Useless. My version says she''s healthy, but everything beyond that is an absolute loss. The normal version is using some skewed amalgam baseline that makes no sense." She let out a tiny sigh accompanied by a tiny headshake. "I suppose I''ll just..." she went silent, staring at the back of Isnomi''s head until her gaze swiveled over to meet mine. "I cannot absolve you of this, but I will not accuse you of it either."


    "Huh?" Soul of eloquence, thy name is Tabitha Diaz.


    "Inspect our daughter."


    I yoinked the Menace out of my hair, extruded an Inspect, and just stared for a little bit.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(52, 73, 94, 1)" width="100%">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 36.7493%" width="38%">


    NAME


    </td>


    <td style="width: 63.2507%" width="61%">


    Isnomi Aetos


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 36.7493%" width="38%">


    RACE


    </td>


    <td style="width: 63.2507%" width="61%">


    Hybrid


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 36.7493%" width="38%">


    HYBRID


    </td>


    <td style="width: 63.2507%" width="61%">


    Bag (18.275%) / Human (35%) / Jotnar (1%) / Maenad (7%) / Mor (32%) / Olympian (6.725%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 36.7493%" width="38%">


    AGE


    </td>


    <td style="width: 63.2507%" width="61%">


    Child (0)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 36.7493%" width="38%">


    ATTRIBUTES


    </td>


    <td style="width: 63.2507%" width="61%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 36.7493%" width="38%">


    STRENGTH


    </td>


    <td style="width: 63.2507%" width="61%">


    0


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 36.7493%" width="38%">


    AGILITY


    </td>


    <td style="width: 63.2507%" width="61%">


    0


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 36.7493%" width="38%">


    ENDURANCE


    </td>


    <td style="width: 63.2507%" width="61%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 36.7493%" width="38%">


    REASON


    </td>


    <td style="width: 63.2507%" width="61%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 36.7493%" width="38%">


    MEMORY


    </td>


    <td style="width: 63.2507%" width="61%">


    3


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 36.7493%" width="38%">


    PERSONALITY


    </td>


    <td style="width: 63.2507%" width="61%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 36.7493%" width="38%">


    AFFINITIES


    </td>


    <td style="width: 63.2507%" width="61%">


    Air (6.25%) / Earth (19.75%) / Water (35.125%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 36.7493%" width="38%">


    PATRON


    </td>


    <td style="width: 63.2507%" width="61%">


    Undeclared


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 36.7493%" width="38%">


    SKILLS


    </td>


    <td style="width: 63.2507%" width="61%">


    None


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 36.7493%" width="38%">


    RACIAL SKILLS


    </td>


    <td style="width: 63.2507%" width="61%">


    None


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 36.7493%">


    BALANCE


    </td>


    <td style="width: 63.2507%">


    1 ( - _ - )


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 36.7493%" width="38%">


    BLEND


    </td>


    <td style="width: 63.2507%" width="61%">


    1(-¨‹¦Ø¨‹-)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 36.7493%" width="38%">


    SCENT


    </td>


    <td style="width: 63.2507%" width="61%">


    1(-^?^-)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 36.7493%" width="38%">


    PREDATE


    </td>


    <td style="width: 63.2507%" width="61%">


    1(-X o X-)


    If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


    </td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    "What the fuck? How the fuck? Menace? What have you been doing?"


    She just repeated her Muttley snicker, then let out a smug, "dahda!"


    A sudden horrifying thought hit me. "Marie, have you been nursing Isnomi?"


    She gave me a confused look. "Yes?"


    "Why?"


    She got a look of utter confusion, with maybe a little underlying hurt? "Maenad?"


    Saffron facepalmed. "You''re fine, Marie." She turned to me. "The Maenads are, among many other things, Dionysus'' nursemaids."


    "Uh... didn''t he create them?"


    "Yes, yes he did."


    "Precocious tyke, was he?"


    That got a laugh out of her. "His relationship with them is complicated. They were created by him, they are his daughters. They accompany him, they are his sisters. They protect and nurture him, especially when he returns from the underworld as a child, they are his mothers. They..."


    "They what?"


    She got a little pink, "they lay with him as women, they are his lovers."


    I shuddered, totally getting her shudder. "Guh. Incest much?" Then I turned to Marie, my face heating. "Shit, I didn''t mean... wait, does he, like, force you guys?"


    She just shrugged. "Maybe?"


    "It''s more complex than that, love. They are individuals, they are people, but they are also his Sacred Beasts. In proximity to him, they embody his Portfolio. Revel. Gluttony. Lust. Madness. They," she turned to Marie, "am I explaining this correctly?"


    "Yes."


    She nodded and turned to me. "So, you recall a few nights ago we spent the entire day in anticipation, then lost track of time and had to wait for the next evening?"


    "Yeah, not likely to forget that any time soon. Isnomi? Go to sleep."


    I got the raspberry I deserved for that, and Saffron giggled a little before saying, "around him, they feel like that all the time. Right, Marie?"


    She shrugged, and I gave her a little disbelieving side eye. "You seemed pretty okay with not taking him on the spot right there on South Street. What up with that?"


    She rolled over, scooping Isnomi off of me, depositing her on Saffron, and lay there with her chin on my belly, staring at me from between my own tits. She growl-purred, and I had a moment of desperately needing Isnomi to get the fuck to sleep right the fuck then. A moment later, Marie''s clue managed to drill itself through my skull. "Oh. Isn''t Dionysus, y''know, jealous about that?"


    Marie shrugged. Saffron translated. "If either of us were men, there''s a slim chance he might be. More likely, he''d expect us to eventually, naturally, in our own time, return with her to him."


    I shuddered, "yeah, I''m not eager to wind up splattered across the landscape, no matter how good the nookie." Marie snorted, almost a laugh. "That good?" Purr. "Really?" Purring intensified. "You want that to happen to me? To us?" She shrugged, and I turned to Saffron with a bit of despair, only to be met by another shrug.


    "Those who kept a Maenad from him by her own choice are reborn as Maenads. Those who kept her from him by force aren''t. Not my personal preference, but you''ve been pathologically insistent on Marie doing everything by her own choice, so we''d both be certain as to our fate, should that happen to us." She shrugged again. "Reborn as an immortal fucking killing machine is far from the worst fate visited on mortals by the Gods."


    "I don''t recall Dionysus being quite so picky about consent?"


    "One of his earliest Maenads was quite adamant about it. Also quite passionately convincing. The stories tell of her exhausting him. Repeatedly. Until he agreed."


    I looked down at Marie, unwanted comprehension dawning. "Holy shit. You guys are a fucking sex cult. A murderfuck coven. A literal sisterhood of fucking killing."


    She grinned up at me, and I ruined the sheets as she growl-purred again. "Duh."


    I threw my hands above my head, flopping back to the bed as I did so. "Well. Fuck. Not like I''ve got any moral high ground to be giving him any side eye." Saffron tumbled Isnomi to the bed near my arms as she collapsed, laughing at me. It went on a little long, the way it will when somebody''s been under too much tension for too long, so I just let it flow until Isnomi started nomming my hair. "Shit, what do we do about our little miscreant here?"


    Saffron shook her head. "Until I can complete my improved Assess Health, there is absolutely no way it will be able to deal with that tangle of," she waved her hand at Isnomi, who''d gone fuzzy and rolled herself up in my hair, still alternating between giggles and snickers.


    "Anything I can help with? Maybe we could ask Doc Roberts?"


    She sighed, "Who do you think I asked first, love? At this point, I''d ask The Dagda, or Ogma, but I suspect either might object to my newly found religion."


    I froze, memory of my recent acquisition of ersatz offspring swamping me for a moment. "Uh..."


    She snorted, then chuckled, then broke down laughing, all while I stared at her and waited for her to let it out. "Who. Who did. Who." Eventually she gave up and just blurted out, "just happened?"


    I shuddered, involuntarily curling around my crotch. "Nope. NOPE. All of the nope. Hell to the naw. Begone from my vagina, centipede of evil!"


    Saffron, still chuckling, pulled me up to a more-or less sitting position, her arms around me as we both sat on the edge of the bed. The Menace squealed as she clung to my hair, and Marie just curled herself up behind us. "So, does this have anything to do with your bout of pretending to be a piece of immobile landscape?"


    "Honestly? I have no fucking clue. My gut says no, but then I''m not sure I trust it."


    "Why not?"


    "I''m not really hungry at the moment."


    She pulled back. "Who are you and what have you done with Tabitha?"


    "You say that like I''ve ever been in possession of a clue for measurable increments of time."


    "Fair point. I''d say we''re wasting daylight, but it''s night time. In your own time, then."


    I said, "yeah, night time doesn''t seem like such a..." I trailed off as I remembered the end of the night. Gently disconnecting myself from my little family, even forcing a pouting Isnomi to return to Saffron''s arms, I crept over to the armoire and opened it. There, behind the clothes, I found the faintest outline of a door; even the suggestion of a small depression right where a handle might be. I closed the door and returned to the bed. "Shit. No time like the present. Not even gonna ask about good news, bad news. Our little family got a little bigger."


    Saffron heaved a sigh. "Who did you just happen to that the thought of just happening to scares you to... This wasn''t an indiscretion of that sort, was it?"


    "Nope. We... ah... have a new son."


    She blinked owlishly. "How did you give birth without any indiscretions? Wait, what am I doing asking. Did this child erupt from your forehead? Thighs? Breasts?"


    "Adopted. Jeez, you''d think I do nothing but fuck around."


    She almost didn''t laugh as she said, "I can''t believe you can say that with your own mouth and not burst out laughing." That got me. I laughed with just as much near hysteria as Saffron had earlier. She waited as patiently as I did until she said, "who."


    I took a deep breath, braced myself. Nope. "You''re gonna be pissed."


    Suddenly serious, she said, "I ask you once again, Tabitha Diaz, did you do this with the intent to hurt me?"


    I shook my head, "hell no. Really? I agreed mostly because he agreed not to hurt you if I did."


    "Someone threatened me to get you to adopt... him?"


    I thought about it, holding up a hand asking for patience, "Uh, I don''t think he did specifically. Honestly? I don''t think he''d really thought about you before I mentioned you. But he would have. Fuck, he probably did, but then made me think he hadn''t. By, like, normal verbal chicanery, no Divine woo involved."


    She sat up a little straighter. "Divine... Tabitha Diaz, if you do not stop delaying and tell me now, I will get mad at you regardless. Out with it."


    "The Smith." Isnomi clinging to her like a little monkey and squealing the whole way, Saffron froze, tipped over, and rolled off the edge of the bed onto the floor. "Oh, shit. I think I broke her."


    "Duh."


    I shot Marie a look, walked over to Saffron and scooped her up. She wrapped herself around me, burying her face in my hair, Isnomi clambering onto my shoulders as I carried Saffron to the bed and sat, holding her across my lap. Eventually she whispered into my hair. "Why did you look in the closet?"


    I opened my mouth to reply, but Isnomi interrupted. "Tikibada!"


    "You know who''s beyond the," I pause, "no, of course you do. Somehow. Look, you precocious Menace, your new brother has sworn to protect you, but he is dangerous."


    "Tikibada na poo."


    "Tikki badda?" I asked.


    "Poo."


    I couldn''t help it. More laughter bubbled. "Holy shit, Menace. I can''t see how you''ve learned to walk with balls bigger than you are, including those huge balls."


    That Muttley snicker finally hit the right way, and I laughed along with her.


    Saffron pulled away from me. "If you two are quite done mocking me and laughing at me..."


    I cut her off, "No, no, no! Not you. Him." Her mouth dropped open, and she turned to look at at Isnomi. Who grinned up at her, then let out a belch that echoed off the ceiling. "Ah, shit. Did you eat him?"


    "Na ah."


    "Why don''t I believe you?" I stood up, walked over to the armoire with Saffron in my arms, Isnomi clinging to my hair, and Marie padding along behind. I pulled open the front, then nudged Marie to point her at the depression. She reached over and slid the door in the back of the armoire aside. Saffron tensed, but didn''t react other than that. "Son?" I called out.


    "Yes mother?" he called from somewhere in the workshop beyond the door.


    "Just checking to be sure you''re okay."


    He stood just beyond the clothes, eyes wide. "You do care." A moment later, his normal demeanor returned, although his too-wide smile never quite left. "I am well, mother. Few have bested me in my own workshop."


    I smiled at him, pulling out my best Nurturing Mom voice. "Son, you should be proud of being able to defend yourself. And your family. I think you meant ''none'', didn''t you?"


    He smiled back, looking me in the eye as he mouthed the word, ''one'', but nothing came out. He glanced just away from my face, a childish pout replacing his smile. "Two."


    Fuck me, but the same kind of deep, abiding rage that kindled when I thought of somebody hurting Isnomi lit itself in my gut. "Who hurt you."


    His smile returned, eyes wide again, before the pout returned. "Nothing has been harmed save my pride and my gift to you. She spoilt it."


    "Who."


    His gaze flickered to my hair again, and that Muttley snicker sounded next to my ear. "Menace, have you been bullying your brother?" She blew a raspberry in my ear. "Menace, I''m serious. Don''t bully your brother. Brothers and Sisters look out for each other." A sudden bout of honesty seized me. "Bickering we can tolerate if you keep it to a dull roar. But no bullying."


    She wiggled. "Ah ka. Sawa Tikibada."


    He closed his eyes and sighed, then forced words out. "Apology accepted, Sister Menace."


    I closed my own eyes. "Why are you... Never mind. Your mother needs to speak with you."


    He went to one knee, reaching one hand through the armoire. Saffron slipped from my arms and, moving like an automaton, took his hand. "Other Mother, it is an honor to finally meet Mother''s beloved wife. How may I assist you?"


    "The honor is mine, son." That last word sounded pretty fuckin'' forced, but she got it out. "I''m uncertain; Tabitha is the one who thought you could help me?"


    I nodded to The Smith, turning up the Proud Mom, "if there''s something to be known about Magic, our son knows it." A detail of the day before sprang to my mind. "I even saw him create a moving Ward."


    Automaton Saffron disappeared, her tension transmuting instantly to the curiosity I''d seen when I described the crossbow to her. "Really, son? If you''re not busy, there are some questions I''d love to hear you answer."


    "Of course, Other Mother!" He stepped aside, keeping one hand out to brace her as she stepped through the doorway.


    She hesitated, "I do not wish to offend by coming skyclad to your Workshop, Son."


    He nodded, the soul of understanding. Pretty fuckin'' good acting, if you ask me. "Of course, Other Mother." He glanced across the clothes hanging from our rack, disdain clear. "None of these shall do for you, though. I should take no offense at your nudity should you simply allow me to create clothing worthy of you."


    "I would be honored, and ''Mom'' is fine."


    "Mom." He swirled the word around his mouth, as if tasting it, then nodded with only the slightest of frowns, as if accepting something that barely passed his minimum standard. "Mom it shall be."


    I remembered last week and cut in before Saffron stepped through, "Oh, Son, I had a favor to ask?"


    He bowed his head, "anything for you, Mother."


    "I told Sigyn I would get you to make her a pair of boots. Ones like the ones you made for The Dress are fine."


    He winced, "if I must. She has offered you victory in return?"


    I shook my head, "she''s family, Son. You do for family. You don''t charge them."


    "Oh. One small request of you, then?"


    I pulled back slightly, raising an eyebrow, "yes?"


    "I shall make her boots, but might I make them not a copy of those I made for you?"


    "Why?"


    He smirked at me. "It pains my very soul to copy something, save as an experiment or to learn something from it."


    I paused, thinking about it. Hell, it didn''t seem like all that wild of a request. I know I''d hate being some kind of mystic short order boot cook. "Okay, but I did sorta promise her something sexier than mine."


    "Really, Mother?"


    "Have you seen that ass? You can''t tell me it''s not sexier than mine. I''ve got this serious terminal case of flat ass, but her? That ass was made for those boots."


    If he winced, he hid most of it pretty well, although by the end of my ode to Sigyn''s ass he got a faraway look in his eyes, "I shall endeavor to earn your praise with my creation, Mother. When shall I have them ready?"


    "Can you do them right by end of day Sunday?"


    He paused an instant, then nodded, "I shall be sure to tell you if anything might delay me." Then he nodded back to Saffron. "Mom, may we proceed?"


    She nodded, and they walked into the Workshop. I left the door open, watching for a bit as he led her over to the dais I''d posed on the other day, then started taking measurements. I pulled Isnomi off my shoulder and held her out in front of me as I walked back to the bed. "You managed to get into the Workshop while I was asleep?"


    She grinned a big old grin, so proud of herself she couldn''t contain it. "Ya!"


    I snuggled her. "That''s my girl!"


    "Ahnama Bi Ga!"


    "Such a very Big Girl! Yes you are!" I held her inches away from my face and turned around. "Ready to fly?" Her eyes got huge and she nodded. "Marie! Heads up!" I tossed the menace to her where she''d been leaning against the door of the armoire, staring into the Workshop. She spun and caught Isnomi, juggled the joyously shrieking menace a bit, then yeeted her back to me. We spent, I dunno, a couple hours just fucking around playing toddler games. Yeet the baby. Pounce. Hide and seek, which shouldn''t really be a thing in a cell the size of ours, but Marie is stupid stealthy, and the menace is, apparently, capable of playing full-on Predator invisibility cloaking tricks and shit. We even got into a pillow fight at one point. Okay, not so much ''pillow fight'' as ''Tabitha and Marie use pillows to Yeet the baby while Isnomi shrieks with joy and wallops us with pillows as she flies by''.


    We did that for I don''t know how long, until I heard Saffron call out from the Workshop side of the doorway, "thank you so much for sharing your expertise with me, Son. Would you prefer I leave this open?"


    From deeper within the Workshop The Smith called out, "I''ve no preference either way, but I''ve some noisy tasks to complete, so?"


    "I''ll close it then." I heard the door slide shut, and Saffron stepped back into the room as I bonked a gleefully shrieking Isnomi back to Marie. I assume Marie caught her, or she ate her way through the wall, or something. No ''Isnomi pain noises'' registered, at least, and damn if anything else would have. Her black, full length dress shimmered, every color of the rainbow glimmering from it while it somehow, defying everything I knew about color, remained a deep, flat black. The ankle length skirt had slits up to mid-thigh, and I caught glimpses of black leather beneath. Above the waist the fabric lay almost like our uniform blouses, but without any ruffles. The sleeves poofed just a bit at the shoulder, and as I watched she pulled off one of the long, black, above-the-elbow gloves.


    "Saffron."


    "Yes, Tabitha?" she called out as she pulled off her other glove.


    "That''s your Holy Garb right there."


    She smiled and shot me a sultry look over her shoulder. "Are you sure?"


    "Uh huh."


    "With or without the gloves?"


    "With. Definitely with."


    "Oh. Oh, well, then. As my Goddess wishes." She turned, sashayed across the floor, and pulled my face up into a kiss before turning and swaying back to the armoire. I caught a glimpse of positively outrageous stiletto heels with more than a little elevation on the toe as well, and then she turned to face the armoire. "I''m glad, really. I worried you''d have me wearing this," she pulled the dress off, "outside". I had no clue what she did with it. Didn''t fucking matter. Tabitha.exe had encountered a fatal error. Those fucking painted on leather boots went higher than any stockings I''d ever seen, and just above the absolute territory the corsetry started. Matte black leather. Lace. Just enough exposure.


    A shrieking menace glomped my face and knocked me over backward onto the bed. Muttley snickers filled the room as I pulled her off, handed her to Marie, and said, "Marie? Could you take her for a couple laps around the halls?"


    "Work?"


    "You''ve got work to do? Wait, fuck, you just spent a whole day babysitting my ass, of course you do. Can she come with you?"


    In that ''use small words to accommodate the slow kid'' voice, she answered, "Yes."


    "Please?"


    I had the unenviable experience of a full body blush as Marie and Isnomi snickered in harmony, but Marie used her Maid Witchery to get her and the menace dressed in sixty seconds or less, and Isnomi rolled out of the room on the cart doing a passable ''Nick Cage driving a stolen supercar'' impersonation.


    I turned to Saffron only to see her black clad belly filling my view from inches away. "So. You wanted something?"


    I gulped. "Uh. Yeah. Could you just walk to the armoire and back?"


    She chuckled, a sultry fuzzy thing, as she sashayed away and back. Curvy. Sway. Fatal exception in Tabitha.exe. "You like?"


    "Yeah," I growled. "Could you maybe do that until my brain shuts down completely? Then just, I dunno, do whatever comes naturally." She laughed as she walked away again, husky and full of desire. "How many licks does it take..." the rest of the Tootsie Pop commercial fucked off out of my brain as she turned around, The Grin of Panty Obliteration in full effect and utterly erasing my brain in lieu of any panties to destroy.


    "Let''s find out."

 Day One Hundred And Sixteen

    Dear Diary,


    Sometimes I guess it helps to have a reputation of being utterly incapable of, y''know, hiding anything.


    By the time Saffron and I finished up, Marie rolled around to announce breakfast time. "You sure you don''t need some sleep, Kitten?"


    She shook her head. "By the end of the day I expect I''ll need to lean on you more than a little, but I literally spent twenty four hours in bed before speaking with... our Son. That will take some adjustment."


    "Tell me about it. He really does seem like he''s got a sweet side, though."


    She smiled at me as she adjusted my collar, "that''s only for you, Goof. I do find speaking with him surprisingly refreshing, though."


    I shot her a little bit of hairy eyeball at that. "Do I need to keep the knives away from you now, too?"


    She chuckled, Mana Blades the length of her arms slid out of her wrists, and she hopped up to dangle from my neck. I could just barely make out the glow of the blades in my peripheral vision as she held herself up with her forearms on the back of my neck and kissed me. "You''ve given me knives that can''t be taken away, and I love you for that as much as anything else, Goof."


    So many stupid misquotes, so little time. "Maybe the real treasure was the knives we made along the way!" She giggled and showered my general mouth region with kisses. "Give a girl a knife, she''ll stab for a day, teach a girl to knife, and she''ll stab for the rest of her life!" The giggles got louder, the kisses landing along my jaw. I did my best deep intonation voice, "KNIVES IN THE HEART CANNOT BE TAKEN!" That got her; she collapsed to the floor, arms flopping to her sides, Mana Blades dispersing just before they burned our padding.


    Between guffaws she choked out, "I don''t know if those are funnier with context, but? Don''t tell me. If they aren''t, it''d ruin it, and if they are? I might pee myself."


    As I reached down, I hit her with, "yeah, yeah, yeah, the piss knife, we''ve all seen it."


    Walking to the Dining Hall with her dangling from my arm laughing? Totally worth any amount of bad jokes I needed to make it happen.


    Every head in the Dining Hall turned to face us when we walked through the doors. I''ve mentioned before I''m not the best at consciously reading a room, but even I could tell we''d just walked into Very Serious Business. Everyone stood at their tables. Up at the high table a guy in a dress stood next to Headmaster Miles. I don''t mean robes, either, or even a dashiki. Now that I thought about it, Headmaster Miles ''formal'' robes he''d worn sometimes really had a dashiki vibe to them. But this new dude, who my brain immediately labeled as ''Lancaster-Kin''? Totally in a dress. Not even a patch on Saffron''s new togs, or The Dress, but not, like, cheap, either. The cut reminded me a little of a peasant dress, even down to the simple gray inner dress and the fancier cobalt outer shell that tied in front like a vest. A few gold-chased red lines decorated it; one starting at his collar below his right eye and continuing down to his belly. Another made a circle around his belly, with a few stripes running down to his thighs. A pair of stripes circled his forearms, and another wound around the base of his dress right around ankle level. Finally, the collar of the dress was another gold-chased red stripe. His final accoutrement? A fucking eyepatch over his right eye. Red with gold trim, of course.


    He stared at the pair of us a moment, and his lips twitched ever so slightly. Then he blinked, closed his left eye, and reached up to slide his eyepatch aside to reveal a perfectly functional blue eye, twin to his other one. "YOU!" He stepped off the low dais at the front of the room, Headmaster Miles following him closely. Sister Siobhan and Doc Roberts both scrambled around the table, as did Trease. I shot Trease a glare and her ass slammed into a chair. Justified or not, murder was not on my list of activities for the day. As he walked through the room, he picked up a few more posse members. Larry, of course. Rider and Rosen both. Carruthers just seemed to flow into the wake of his group, although he looked more confused than determined.


    As the Eddie Izzard wannabe got closer, I realized he hadn''t been looking at or talking to me. He glared at Saffron, getting madder with every step he took. Right before I figured he''d open his mouth to spew some random Fundie bullshit, I stepped toward him, incidentally putting myself right between him and Saffron, snapped off a salute, held out my hand, and said, "Hero Lancaster! Good to finally meet Lachlan''s father, Sir!"


    Credit where it''s due, he didn''t ignore me. He looked at my hand like I hadn''t washed after wiping, but then glanced at my chest and his whole expression changed. "Are you the Cadet Diaz who''s been helping my boy with Intermediate Heroics?"


    "That''s me, Sir!"


    He took my hand in his, giving it one firm shake. "I owe you a debt." One side of his mouth curved up ever so slightly. "Don''t worry. It''s not as ominous as it sounds." Then he turned to Saffron, glancing at her chest briefly before saying, "Cadet Aetos. Stand fast, I am about to Inspect you."


    Before Saffron or I could say anything, Headmaster Miles cut in. "Leonard!"


    Daddy Lancaster''s hand froze mid-Shape, and he half turned to Headmaster Miles, never taking his eyes off of Saffron as he did so. "The Odinsight has shown me she is connected to the disappearance of Sol."


    I muttered, "the who to the what now?"


    Headmaster Miles frowned, obviously disturbed by the information, but nodded. "So be it, but a moment. Cadet Aetos? Do you have anything to say for yourself?"


    She shook her head, "I''m sorry, Headmaster, but I''ve been Sequestered with Tabitha since close of day on Monday; some strange illness struck her down and I stayed with her until she woke."


    My side tingled. "I can confirm that, Sirs." Sister Siobhan lay a hand on my upper arm, and the tingles spiked there. "I cannot say what malady gripped her, but I can confirm it to be Magical in nature. Even attempting to Assess her Health struck me down. My current thought is that whatever struck down Sol struck her down as well."


    "While that would be a connection, the Odinsight suggests something... darker." He turned to the Headmaster. "Do you concur that we have need to Inspect her?"


    Before Headmaster Miles could speak, Saffron interrupted. "I Consent to your Inspection, High Priest Lancaster. You have no need of the Headmaster''s concurrence." The Headmaster closed his eyes, nodding to Saffron as a relieved sigh slipped out of him.


    Behind his dad, I saw Larry mouth, ''you''re fucked, bitch''. Big Poppa Lancaster waved his hand through the Shape for Inspect. A moment later he leapt backward, his arms outstretched to keep himself between everyone and Saffron. A ball of fire kindled to life in his left hand. A chain slipped out of his right sleeve as he leapt backward, Mineral Bonding itself into a brutal looking dagger as it did. "You!" he stuttered. "How dare you openly follow..."


    Saffron cut him off as she faced him, unflinching. "She is not just my Patron. I am her High Priestess above all others. As such I outrank you, and since you brought religion into this, I expect you to accord me all due respect, High Priest."


    He barked out a strained laugh. "High Priestess? Above all others? Next you''ll be telling me you''re the Anathema''s Councilwoman, too."


    "No. That would be my wife." The faint tingle from Siobhan disappeared in a wave of power washing into me from Saffron. Protect me, My Goddess.


    Lancaster screamed, "blasphemer!" and leapt at Saffron, Fire Bolt leading the way, his dagger back to stab. I didn''t think, I just moved, leaping between them. I Created Water with my right hand, straight up catching his Fire Bolt in a beach ball sized orb of water. I didn''t want to escalate shit, so I tried to block his stab with my left. The dagger tore through my hand, and when his clenched fist hit my palm I grabbed it, gritting my teeth.


    Okay, I tried to grit my teeth. What happened was more like me screaming, "HEY!" right in his face right before his forehead hit mine. He bounced away, looking a little shocked when my hand held his, when I didn''t fucking move, because I didn''t want to fucking move right now. "You owe me a fucking debt, right? Then how about you stand the fuck down, we go somewhere quiet and talk about whatever bug has crawled up your ass and died like civilized people."


    Boss? I think I might need some backup here.


    He growled, "My debt to you is not sufficient to allow abomination to run wild in my City."


    "She didn''t ask for that, Leonard," cut in Headmaster Miles. He turned to me. "Let us retire to my office and, as you''ve said, discuss this in a civilized manner."


    Big Poppa Lancaster started to growl something, but I interrupted. "Yeah, look, Saffron and I have no idea what you''re talking about with this ''Sol disappearing'' shit. How about we go up to the Practice Yard? That way if this asshole decides he wants to throw down again we don''t ruin your office furniture."


    Leonard''s eyes narrowed and he hissed out, "How dare you! Who do you think you are?"


    I leaned forward, doing my dead level best to keep my face friendly-ish as I replied, "I''m the bitch you stabbed, who''s still got your fancy cool chain dagger through my hand. Asshole." Yeah, I really want to be adult and mature about shit, but that fucking dagger? Hurt like a bitch going in, and I didn''t expect it to feel any better coming out. "You wanna know more than that? Let''s go get us some privacy up under the sky. Unless you''re afraid to face me up there without all these Cadets to hide behind?"


    His outraged glare ratcheted up from kill to disintegrate with prejudice, and I hoped like hell his reputation mattered more than him being pissed off at me right now. This was the guy duBois and Miles both wanted leading the army, and if Saffron wound up getting pulled into that bullshit up north, I wanted her following the best general we had available until she got to the Marshall. After a moment, Headmaster Miles lay a hand on his shoulder, and Lancaster let go of his dagger, then glared at my hand. I let him go, and he stepped away and stood straight, his dagger still rammed through the palm of my left hand. "Attention Cadets! Volunteer Training begins today. Due to a vastly larger number of recruits than expected from The Yards, all Cadets of all seniority will be required to expedite the training. Upon completion of breakfast, you are all to report to the back lawn and begin Volunteer Training. Hero Potami?"


    Her distinctive titanium steel blade of a voice cut through the room, vanishing the moment she finished speaking. "Yes, Hero Lancaster?"


    "Take command of Volunteer Training while I deal with," he nodded toward Saffron and I. "This?"


    "As you wish, Hero Lancaster."


    With that, our little group headed for the Practice Yard, leaving the rest of the Cadets and Cadre to get back to the serious business of eating before a long day of work. When we closed the doors, Saffron turned to the Headmaster and asked, "if this is to be a discussion of Religious matters, I should wear my Holy Garb."


    Lancaster puffed up, but hissed in a normal volume, "you will not be allowed to flee, Heretic."


    Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.


    Saffron turned, gracefully, to face him, and said, "why would I flee, Priest? I have the legal, moral, and ethical high ground. You, on the other hand, attacked an innocent Cadet in a clear case of Religious Prejudice."


    Lancaster started to say something, but Miles cut in again. "Leonard. Sister Siobhan and Doctor Roberts will escort her to her cell, then the three will join us in the Practice Yard."


    Big Poppa Lancaster turned to Larry and the Losers, "Rider. Go with them." He looked down at me. "You," I lifted my left hand and waggled my fingers in a wave. The splurch of blood from the dagger still sticking out of it might have ruined my attempt at a friendly gesture. In case you''re wondering, yes, it hurt like a motherfucker. Okay, that''s not fair to motherfuckers, and I are one. But just to remind you, ''soul burned arm tearing itself to pieces for a month''. Next to that? Yeah, this wasn''t shit.


    Headmaster Miles sighed. "Shall we?" We all walked up to the yard, Headmaster Miles leading the way. I walked just behind him and to his right, letting my still-bleeding left hand leave a nice trail of blood behind him, right in front of Lancaster Senior. Maybe his asshole would spontaneously transform into clumsy and he''d slip, fall down the stairs and break his neck.


    Okay, I needed this asshole alive, but goddamn my hand hurt.


    Boss?


    I am watching, Tabitha.


    Could have used you back there. This asshole almost murdered Saffron.


    A scoffing laugh echoed through my brain, and Loki''s invisible hand whapped me lightly in the back of the head. You mean that asshole nearly got himself exceptionally dead attempting to murder Saffron.


    I rolled my eyes and nodded reluctantly. Well, yeah, but still.


    Have faith, Champion. I have and shall provide any assistance you require.


    Thanks Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    Carruthers stepped up beside me, across my trail of blood. "Doesn''t that hurt?"


    "Kinda excruciating, yeah."


    "Do you want help getting it out?"


    "Nah. I''m leaving it there as proof of who got stabby with his own side in the middle of an active war kind of situation."


    From behind me I heard Larry whisper, "Father! Why do you allow her to speak of you like that?"


    Laurence hissed out his reply, "silence, runt!"


    Damn. I must be getting soft. All it took to make me feel sorry for an asshole in human form was another, bigger, asshole.


    We arrived and moved to the center of the Yard. I stood one paver to the West of the East-West center, facing East. Carruthers stood just to my left and behind me, slowly shifting to avoid the growing puddle. Headmaster Miles stood to the North of the centerline, his gaze swiveling back and forth between me and Lancaster the Larger. For his part, Lancaster stood ramrod straight, adjusting his dress before going motionless, glaring over my head, refusing to meet my gaze. Larry and Rosen stood behind him, flanking him not unlike Carruthers flanked me.


    I looked to the sky and chuckled. "You think this is a laughing matter, Bag?"


    "I dunno, Larry. I think it''s pretty fuckin'' funny that the reports of Sol''s demise were a little premature."


    All three of them spun to face East as the light of false dawn painted the sky. With timing so perfect I had no doubt she''d planned it, Saffron kicked open the Eastern doors, striding straight for me, her form sheathed in glowing matte black. I don''t know how the fuck that magnificent bastard did it, but he made matte black glow. She strode straight for me, Sister Siobhan and Doc Roberts hustling along to her flanks, even Rider having to step quick to keep up behind her. I choked down a laugh when I realized that she stood nearly as tall as Sister Siobhan. Along with glowing matte finish, he''d put six inch platforms under Saffron''s feet and hidden them behind the dress somehow. I put my left hand... I poked myself with the fucking knife hilt, then put my right hand on my hip and let my left dangle while I started at her approach.


    "You might wanna move, Leonard."


    He spun, opening his mouth to say something, tripped, and stumbled out of the way as Saffron strode right though the spot he''d been standing in, ignoring the Barbies as she walked up to me cupped my face gently with one hand, then spun to face the Headmaster. "Headmaster Miles, I must report a crime."


    "Go on, Cadet Aetos."


    "You intend to confess now, Heretic?"


    Saffron didn''t even bother to look at Lancaster. "Silence, Priest. Headmaster Miles, I must insist in this instance that you refer to me by my Religious title of High Priestess."


    One side of Miles mouth quirked up, "not High Priestess above all others?"


    Saffron nodded regally, "that is indeed my full title, but in the interests of time, High Priestess will do. I wish to report an assault on the person of a Councilwoman."


    "A serious crime. Your evidence?"


    Saffron gently took my left wrist and raised my hand, which still dripped blood into the ever growing puddle she stood in. Not like she''d slip in Smith made boots. "I believe you witnessed who did this."


    "Miles, I can''t believe you''re..."


    I got this weird anti-tingle from where Saffron gripped my wrist, and her voice killed all other sound in the Yard. "SILENCE, Priest." The glow from her dress spread in the silence, engulfing the Yard in fuzzy darkness that flowed like syrup. Lancaster''s mouth worked, but no sound came out. I watched his wireframe self Shape a Fire Bolt, but other than a pinpoint burn in my wrist where Saffron held it, nothing happened. Saffron spoke, and her voice dropped into the Yard like a lead blanket. "I call you priest, because were you a High Priest as you claim, you could ask that minor Divinity you represent to confirm my standing. Should this demonstration prove insufficient, and his feeble, loophole-granted Sight prove insufficient to such a simple divination, have him ask his Senior, the Blood Brother he betrayed. Priest."


    I couldn''t help it; my hindbrain insisted on laughing or giving in to the hotness, and I figured she''d tell me it wasn''t the time or some shit. I chuckled, and the fuzzy darkness vibrated in time to my chuckles, the sound warped beyond all recognition, shaking the pavers where the darkness rubbed against them.


    A hand groped its way past me to gently touch Saffron''s shoulder. Miles'' unseeing eyes looked askance at Saffron. My arm tingled, the darkness vanished, my whole body shuddered from sudden exposure as Loki replaced my uniform, and she nodded regally to Miles once more. "Apologies, Headmaster. Someone needed to be taught proper manners."


    I glanced over to see Leonard standing there with his eyes closed, his lips moving. Larry stood in his own personal puddle. Rider and Rosen had both turned their backs on us and stared at the rising sun, arms held high in greeting.


    "So. I for one do not need Odin''s confirmation to acknowledge you as a High Priestess, and thus your wife as Councilwoman. As you''ve stated, we all saw the infraction in question."


    She just raised an eyebrow, "I would think crime a more appropriate designation. Still, we are at war. This is not the time to risk one of our finest generals to petty bickering. I remain amenable to dropping any charges, should certain apologies and assurances be granted."


    "I am sure Hero Lancaster can be convinced, High Priestess of Domnu."


    This time Saffron''s laugh made me want to piss myself, as my arm anti-tingled and wisps of fuzzy shadow raced her laughter around the Yard. "No, Headmaster. Should Domnu dare come to Phileo, she''d best come on her knees, begging my Lady''s forgiveness, expecting to receive extirpation rather than absolution."


    I watched the clockwork soul spin. "No Dan has that command of Domnu''s domain. Who else would hold such rancor against her?"


    "Mimic," croaked Lancaster. He pushed himself upright, and I totally got why people followed him into battle. That whole ''regal brow, righteous demeanor, asshole that could crush coal into diamonds'' thing? He had it in spades. "She is the Priestess Most High Above All Others of Mimic, the Living Ragnarok, Black Swan with a thousand thousand young."


    "Yeah, and she''s also Loki''s Councilwoman. Speaking of which, I don''t think we''ve really been properly introduced." I spun around Saffron''s front, freeing my left hand and taking her left in my right. The Dress swirled around me, flashing the crowd as I failed to give a single solitary fuck about that. Then I strode forward, my left hand held out to shake, dripping a whole line of blood across the pavers. "I''m Tabitha Diaz, Saffron''s wife, Councilwoman of Mimic, Loki''s Priestess High set above all others, as well as his Champion." I paused a beat, and before he could continue, I said, "just so you really understand where I''m coming from, could you please ask Wotan to show you what happened to Artemis and her High Priestess on the Equinox." I waited while his eyes went unfocused. He sucked air in, blew it out, started to hyperventilate just a little bit. "Okay, looks like you got that. Now, before we go any fucking further, I''ve got a couple quick questions for you. I don''t mean to be rude or anything, they''re all really fucking important to me. D''you mind answering?"


    He jerked a nod, and wheezed out, "ask."


    "Okay, first, most important, and this one is for you and the profs too, Headmaster. It got dark yesterday, right?"


    Doc Roberts chimed in with, "stayed dark, more like."


    "Did the darkness hurt anyone?"


    Headmaster Miles looked around at the others, who all shook their heads. Lancaster wheezed out, "nothing direct, that I''ve heard. Some injured themselves in their terror."


    "Fuck," I whispered. "Okay, Saffron, I think those are on you. Can you take care of them?"


    She nodded regally. "Of course."


    "Okay then. You saw what happened on the Equinox, High Priest Lancaster?"


    His spine straightened, "are you threatening me?"


    I shook my head, held my hand out, palm to the side. "Of course not, High Priest. Just being sure you have the full context to provide an answer." I leaned toward him conspiratorially. "Did Mimic''s Councilwoman display restraint in response to your unprovoked attack?" He hesitated, and I pushed a Mana Blade through his dagger. Some of it hit the ground, liquid metal steaming in the pool of my blood. Most of it vaporized, and my wound cauterized itself before I dropped the Blade. "Well, High Priest?"


    Gotta hand it to this fucker, he had some fuckin gonads. "She did," he wheezed, still not quaking, nor pissing himself the way Larry''d done. Before I could say anything else, he continued. "But... Mimic! She is the High Priestess of Mimic! She is the harbinger of anathema!"


    "She has expressed which City has Her favor in the upcoming conflict with New Amsterdam." More anti-tingle, and Saffron''s statement shut Lancaster up without her having to shout. She looked at her black enameled nails, breathed on them, buffed them against her glowing dress, and looked at them again, "of course, should the Hero commanding the Grand Army of Phileo City and Camden Yards fail to apologize for assaulting her Councilwoman, for insulting her High Priestess, or choose to seek petty revenge rather than focusing his considerable talents upon defeating the ''Damn Army, that could change."


    "You would extort an apology with threats of turning your Goddess against us?"


    I just snorted, "Look, Lenny. Buddy. Pal. You got that backwards. Who stabbed who here? Who called who a liar? Who was a complete dick to two people who have done everything in their power to help out the war effort?"


    Lancaster Senior glanced at the Headmaster, who shrugged and nodded, "the largest single group of Volunteers is that recruited by Saffron, Tabitha, and their squad of sisters."


    Lancaster had the grace to look impressed by that. Then he spoiled it by saying, "second largest, you mean. I have brought three men in four from Lancaster House''s Volunteers."


    Miles just smiled, the clockwork soul about to tear Big Poppa Lancaster a new one with just a few simple words. "I did not misspeak, Leonard."


    For whatever reason, that finally got the fucking wax out of his goddamned ears. He turned to the pair of us, standing there hand in hand, red and black dresses fluttering in the morning breeze. He squared his shoulders, took a step toward me, took my hand and shook it. "My apologies for inadvertently harming you, Councilwoman." He turned to Saffron, and if the look on his face said he''d just been force fed a kumquat through his asshole, what came out of his mouth in lieu of said kumquat was, "I apologize for any inadvertent offense I caused you, High Priestess." After a pause he continued, "although some of your statements might have been considered offensive in turn."


    She nodded, my hand anti-tingled, and sound died when she spoke, "I apologize for any pain I caused by forcing you to hear unpleasant truths, High Priest."


    We stood there, staring at each other, until Headmaster Miles cleared his throat. "Leonard, I believe some assurances regarding retaliation were requested?"


    Lancaster Senior just snorted, making a throwing away gesture. "Such petty squabbling is beneath a Lancaster. Rest assured, should the Cadets perform their duties to the measure, they shall receive nothing but righteous rewards for their efforts on behalf of Phileo, just as any Cadet who serves will." I didn''t really hear Larry whine, and I didn''t see Lancaster Senior move, but Larry flew backward, tumbling to a stop near the wall. He pushed himself half upright, and while he looked to have a bit of blood dripping from his mouth, I knew nobody trained by duBois would be down for the count from a simple split lip.


    "High Priestesses, if those apologies and assurances are sufficient?"


    Saffron nodded, and I said, "Sure."


    "Then let this be the end of this matter, at least until such time as the current unpleasantness with New Amsterdam is finished. At that time I will wish to speak with you both, as might many others on the council and in the temples."


    I shrugged, "Sounds fair. I got no problem with talking. I can talk all day."


    "So it seems. Very well. Cadets?"


    We glanced at each other, then snapped to attention. "Yes, Hero Lancaster?"


    "Report to Hero Potami once you''ve changed back into uniform. I expect to see you when I join her this afternoon."


    "Sir, yes, sir!" we chorused, and then, following my lead, Saffron and I skipped out of the Yard. The moment we broke line of sight we sprinted for our room.


    "Holy Shit, Saff. I see where Isnomi gets those gargantuan cajones now," I said as we helped each other strip out of our boots and get our uniforms back on. No idea what Loki''d done with the one I wore this morning.


    Its here, you can pick it up Monday.


    Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    "Of all the times to get my nethers in an uproar, Diaz. I will have my vengeance tonight!"


    Sadly, she did not get her vengeance that night, nor did she get it the following morning or night. I can''t say Lancaster was being petty, because every fuckin'' Cadet at the Academy worked their goddamned asses off, not just us. Hell, by the end of the second day even Hero Potami looked Less Than Fresh. But by the time we hit the sack at the end of the day on Thursday, the mismatched batches of mercenaries, leg breakers, patriots, and adventurers we''d recruited were actually starting to look and move just a little bit like an army rather than a herd.


    Not a whole lot, mind you. But a little bit.

 Day One Hundred And Seventeen

    Dear Diary,


    Gotta love that feeling when somebody''s an asshole, you know they''re an asshole, but they''re the precise kind of asshole you need to do a job that needs to be done, so you have to tolerate them rather than fucking off to Bora Bora.


    Y''know, I''m totally okay with cuddles. In case the whole habit of sleeping in a pile of purring bodies wasn''t a big fuckin'' clue. But I''ve never really gotten the whole ''sex is just a big hug'' thing. I''m not gonna claim it''s some kind of mystical bonding thing, and the fuck sticks who think that a woman''s vajayjay magically conforms to her first temporary phallic resident? They deserve the sad, pathetic excuse for sex they have. But I guess I''ve always been way too much of an active participant to conflate ''sex'' and ''cuddling''.


    Which is why this morning was really weird for me. After we got the menace dressed and off on her day, Saffron and I took one look at each other and just kinda collapsed back into bed.


    "Lord Lenny Lancaster''s gonna crawl directly up our asses if we''re late to the training field."


    Saffron shifted, for some inexplicable reason using my ass for a pillow. Don''t get me wrong, I''m fully behind the ass equals pillow thing, but mine is absolutely ''buns of steel'' more than ''junk in the trunk''. Fuck it, not complaining. "Yeah. You hungry?"


    I shrugged, then rolled over and twisted around so I could follow her example. Her ass, unlike mine, had enough padding to make a good pillow. Cue muffled annoyed Saffron noises for a moment. "Nah. Really hoping for maybe just a little more sleep."


    Once she recovered from the jostling and got her head propped back up, she said, "yeah. That sounds nice."


    We lay there for a while, not sleeping, but not moving all that much, just kinda enjoying the whole snuggly bed vibe. Eventually I felt feather light traceries as she ran her fingers along my thigh. "Neither of us are getting to sleep, are we?"


    I thought about it a second. "Nah. Probably not. Wish I had the energy for something more, uh, energetic."


    She giggled, almost sliding into that snickering our daughter had become so enamored of lately. "Not everything needs to be energetic, Goof."


    We spend maybe an hour proving her point. Like I said, weird. Not bad. But not my normal thing. Adult fun times without sweat! Who knew?


    Afterward, we just kinda lay there vibing until I thought about something that''d occurred to me while we dressed the menace munchkin up for her day of cart riding. "Y''know, with her being so advanced and all, we really ought to start looking for schools soon, shouldn''t we?"


    She responded without moving, because like I said, neither of us really wanted to move until we absolutely had to. "Goof. She''s nine months old."


    "Yeah, but she''s got a lot more than nine months going on between the ears." I toyed with Saffron''s toes, because they happened to be within reach and I''m constitutionally incapable of actually sitting still for any meaningful length of time.


    She giggled a little at my tickling. "Fair point, but even assuming she''s learning at triple the rate of a normal child, that would put her at just a little past most two-year-olds."


    "Yeah, but like you said before, we''re supposed to be all rich and powerful and shit, which means our kid needs to be going to the best pre-school, to get into the right kindergarten, to get into the top grade school, and so on and so forth, right?" She made these cute squealing noises as I waggled her toes. "Sorry, you want me to stop?"


    "If I want you to stop I''ll say stop, Goof. What are you talking about, though? Prep schools? I mean, such things exist, sort of. I think there''s one that''s managed to remain open for around a decade."


    Something about that just sounded off, but I really wasn''t up to getting pissed off right now, so I shifted to massaging her foot and said, "You talk like there aren''t, like, schools for kids."


    "Oh, Goddess, please don''t stop that. There are prep schools for wealthy children, as I noted. Oh, some will make a big deal about accepting anyone who ''meets their standards'', trying to be like PCHA, but even there, the youngest anyone ever passed all of their tests was at thirteen."


    That was all the encouragement I needed, I shifted to get both hands on her foot and really dug in to work all the tension out. "So, if you figure the Miracle Menace isn''t likely to slow down in any way she can avoid, that gives us what, until she''s four?"


    After a long interlude of indulgent Saffron noises, she replied, "you really think she''ll beat my record by that much, Goof?"


    If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.


    "Hey, she''s our kid. I sure as fuck ain''t going to hold her back. Harder, better, faster, stronger all the way, baby." Her words finally penetrated my dome. "Wait, you got into the fancy school at thirteen? I thought you said you''d had to pay for tutors?"


    She sighed, "I passed all the tests. Then was turned down for ''unsuitable origins''. Then got very frustrated and, as a consequence of relieving that frustration, wound up creating the very problem we''re talking about."


    I poked her in the thigh, because I couldn''t quite get the angle to reach her ass. "Hey! Our kid is not a problem." A moment later, some kind of impulse to honesty made me add, "I mean, she causes problems, yeah, but she, herself, isn''t a problem."


    Saffron snorted at that, then reached out to take one of my feet in her hands. I lost all ability to think coherently as she found knots from spending two straight days on my feet and massaged them loose. "You''re right, of course. I''m glad she wasn''t here to hear me say that. She is a handful, though."


    "Shit, you''ve got that right. Two handfuls, even. Four. Hell, between you, me, and Marie, we''ve got six hands, two of them super-sized, and she still manages to pull off wacky antics. Isnomi Aetos, Miracle Menace, Filler of Many Hands." I got my hands on Saffron''s other foot and started in; turnabout''s fair play and all that.


    Of course, my Saffron is way better at geometry than me, so I did get a finger poke straight to my rock hard ass. "Isnomi Aetos-Diaz, Goof. Don''t you forget it."


    I totally didn''t tear up at that. Saffron''s foot odor got in my eyes. Really. Fuck off.


    I shook my head a little, getting my hands back to work on Saffron''s foot. "I still don''t get it. How do kids learn to read and write and do math and shit?"


    If her hands paused for a moment before she switched to my other foot, I wasn''t about to say anything. "Most don''t, love."


    "You mean people don''t..." I stopped talking, thinking about how universal education wasn''t really a thing in some parts of the world I''d come from. "Oh."


    Saffron''s way better than me at the whole massage thing. I mean, like, actual working knots out and shit. She moved on to my calf while I was still fucking around with the sole of her foot. "I recognize that what you''re thinking about will, as improbable as it seems, only serve to cause my burning hatred of the Powers to burn hotter and brighter. That said, out with it, Goof."


    I moved on to her calf, and she made appreciative Saffron noises. "Okay. Universal Education. Not as universal as it sounds, really, and the schools in Camden ranged between recently constructed half-decent grade schools to ancient fucking heaps of stone with antiquated everything for High Schools, and all of them got shit for funding, and most of that got embezzled, but, I mean, anybody who couldn''t read and write and do math by the end of the line there either had some serious learning disabilities or wasn''t fucking paying attention."


    "Were there that many wealthy families in your Camden then, love?"


    I snorted. "Wealthy? Camden? Who the fuck are you talking about?" I paused, thinking about it. "I mean, I guess there were a few who had more than the rest of us, and some of those got it and kept it the hard way, by working their collective asses off for it. Most of us, though? Poor as shit. Hell, some of us didn''t realize how poor we were until we got the fuck out of Camden and got to see folks living what they thought of as ''poor'' in the rest of the state. Like, okay, I get it, food money''s tight and you''re living from paycheck to paycheck, but you''re not paying rent to the senior squatters in your abandoned building, y''know?"


    "I don''t... You..." She paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. "Are you telling me that each and every child in your Camden got to go to school?"


    I shrugged, "Not just Camden. Everywhere in the States. Everywhere in every developed country, and pretty much everywhere that wanted to get their asses developed before we burned the planet to the ground. All of those got their local equivalent of K through twelve."


    "Kay?"


    "Oh. Duh. Yeah. Kindergarten. Uh... German thing? Originally? Like, for kids too little for first grade, but old enough to start getting into the whole ''go to school every day, make friends, learn stuff'' routine."


    "So. Just to be clear. Every child in your world attends thirteen years of school?"


    "I mean, I''ve heard some kids don''t go to Kindergarten. Some kids fall through the cracks. Some parents decide to keep their kids out of school, because they''re idiots. And there''re delinquents like me make an absolute mockery of ''attending''. But on paper? Officially? I guess for most people? Yeah, that''s about the size of it. I''ve heard kids in Europe get free college, too, but that always sounded a little sus to me."


    She went quiet for a long time after that, working her way up my legs, getting me to let go of tension I didn''t even realize I had. I reciprocated, because I''m a slacker, not a total bitch. Eventually we''d twisted around until by mutual silent decision I pushed myself up to sit on the side of the bed, and she sat in my lap, facing me, legs wrapped around my waist. She lay her head on my shoulder and whispered. "Goof?"


    I buried my face in her hair, enveloping myself in the scent of her. "Yeah, Kitten?"


    "I have changed my mind."


    The steel buried in her voice made her mild words kinda freaky scary. "Go on."


    "Prior to this revelation, it was my intent to slay those responsible for the state of the world as soon as practicable."


    Fuck it, her hair smelled too good for me to get worked up over a little thing like planned deicide. Besides the whole fact that I agreed with her as a general rule. "And now?"


    "Swift, painless death is too good for them."


    "Really?"


    "Absolutely. Death by torture. I fully expect you to keep them alive as long as you possibly can. I''ll handle making sure they hate you for doing so."


    Yeah. I''m not The Villain. No clue at all whether her businesslike pronouncement made me self-lubricate, piss myself a little bit, or both. Probably both. Definitely both, and I kinda wanted her to keep talking, even if we didn''t have time to do anything but get dressed and get to our assigned units for the day.


    God dammit. If this were a Disney flick, I''d totally be lime fucking green. Fuck. Not the greatest revelation at oh dark in the morning.


    Still, there are worse ways to start sixteen hours of marching in circles and teaching other people to march in circles.


    Lime. Fucking. Green.


    Fuck.

 Day One Hundred And Eighteen

    Dear Diary,


    Lenny Lancaster, how do I hate thee. Let me count the ways.


    Y''know the worst part about it? The things I''m hating him the worst for? Are the things he''s given me the most justification for him doing.


    So this morning after breakfast Saffron and I got called up to the Practice Yard to meet with Lancaster the Larger. Somehow he looked no less douchey with a light breastplate on, but managed to look a lot more military. I mean, the more military wasn''t surprising. Armor. Duh. But you''d think that would make him look less like the living incarnation of Trying Too Hard.


    Dammit. He really didn''t. I''m just still pissed at him. Fuck.


    So we hadn''t exactly been side-by-side when we got called up; I''d been working with a random batch of recruits from the Yards who''d been assigned a Phileo Sergeant. Thankfully, he at least looked not-Dan enough to pass for Bag, otherwise I''m not sure I could have gotten buy in from the Yards folks. I mean, yeah, they''ve signed the papers and taken the cash, and I''ve got faith they''ll do what they''ve been paid for, but actually respecting the guy nominally in charge will really increase their chances of coming home with all their body parts. Attached to their bodies, even. So mostly I just gave quick instructions and let him take over, nodding encouragement and looking to him when the Volunteers looked to me for confirmation.


    Saffron had been working with another group, this one including the hairy dudes I''d recruited. She''d gotten her hands on some of the first batch of crossbows to come out of our cobbled together production line, and she had the group training with them. Just dry firing, because nobody wanted to fire those things pointed at anything that might resemble a friendly, but then she wasn''t training them on how to hit a target. Just how to ratchet up the tension, line up more or less shoulder to shoulder, then pull the trigger. With the four biggest dudes holding shields and spears, and the other twelve cycling through, if they could keep that up in combat they might wind up putting one four bolt volley downrange every couple seconds. Not a patch on a machine gun, but ought to do a number on the ''Damn chucklefucks used to arrows and bolts that a shield would do more than provide extra shrapnel for.


    At any rate, I got there first, and after a quick exchange of salutes Lancaster just ignored me while he spoke with Hero Potami. From my old ROTC days I remembered, the lower you stood on the pecking order, the more you had to hurry up and wait. Still, I wasn''t waiting long before Saffron came into the Yard carrying Vulcan''s case. "Saffron Aetos, reporting to the commander as ordered, Sir!"


    At that he and Hero Potami both turned. "Aetos. I''ve heard you and Diaz came up with some new kind of ballista?"


    I shut my mouth and nodded supportively while Saffron said, "Not really a ballista, sir, and that does make some performance differences. It is a ranged weapon with significant stopping power, however." At this point I realized she had one of Vulcan''s lesser siblings on her back. "I assume you wanted a demonstration?"


    "That would explain why I asked you to bring the new weapon." He shot her a smug little smile, like he was being clever or some shit.


    She turned to me, "Be a dear and go set up the dummies?"


    Before I could open my mouth to say ''sure'', Lancaster cut in with, "I had heard the idea was originally Cadet Diaz''?"


    I shook my head, "I mean, yeah, technically, but it was really more a bullshit pie in the sky pipe dream. Saffron''s the one who turned it into an actual functioning weapon, sir."


    "Really. Well, I''d love to hear how you came up with the idea some time when we have time to chat, but for now, be about setting up the targets."


    I dashed for the shed with the dummies, losing the rest of the conversation. While I was there I grabbed a couple cheap breastplates and helmets; I put one of the breastplates on the frontmost dummy, then brought the other and the two helmets back and handed the breastplate and a helmet to Potami, then handed the other helmet to Lancaster. He stared at it, raising one eyebrow, but Hero Potami just slipped hers on. I hadn''t really thought about sizing, just grabbing something thick enough to stop shrapnel. I''d gone like four sizes too big, and she looked adorable. I looked away before she smote me on general principles, turning to Lancaster and saying, "I recommend you put that on, sir."


    He just stared at me until Hero Potami said, "Hero Lancaster?" When he turned to look, I glanced over. She shot me a Tiny Potami Grin of Approval and rapped her helmet with one knuckle. Lancaster harrumphed, but he slipped it on. Sad, while he had some seriously glorious hair that added to his whole ''dignified leader'' thing? The man did not have a hat head. Straight up looked goofy.


    Meanwhile Saffron had Vulcan out. "Sir, Ma''am, as you can see, while I''ve strung Vulcan, I have yet to winch any tension onto his cord." She batted at it just to show how loose it lay. Meanwhile, I went to one knee in front of her, just as I''d done with her previous demonstration. Saffron laid a single glowing blue bolt across my back, then said, "observe, please." She pumped Vulcan to full tension quicker than she had before. "Vulcan is now cocked," she slipped the sliding latch in place, "locked," and finally, as she twisted, "and cannot be blocked."


    Good God, Loki be thy name, that goddamned bow wasn''t just unbelievably effective, he was reliably effective.


    I know, right?


    He shot bolts pretty good too.


    As soon as that vibration hit me, I half stood, covering Saffron with my body, hugging Vulcan between us. I hissed as something rammed into my shoulder blade. A huge metallic clattering echoed through the Yard for a moment before I hissed and pushed myself up. Wooden clattering and a thin hiss of hay fragments settling to the ground kept the place from complete silence. As I looked over Saffron and she nodded, I called, "Everyone clear?"


    Hero Potami''s voice sliced through the settling noises. "A little help?"


    I leapt toward the sound of her voice; she stood over Lancaster, his hands in hers. I charged up a Stabilize, grabbed his left hand, and once she stepped clear, let him have it. He jerked me to the ground beside him, but if the stunned look on his face I glimpsed before I ate paver didn''t make it worth, hearing him wheeze out, "point taken. In the future I will take Cadet Diaz'' warnings with all due gravity." I heard metal rattle as he climbed to his feet, so I went to push myself upright, only to have my right arm go out from under me, leading me to another, less centered faceplant. "Cadet Diaz? You''re injured."


    I rolled over onto my back. "OhFuckThatWasStupid." I forced my body to kip up to standing, only to come face first with a Tiny Potami Grin of Approval. She grabbed at my right shoulder, making me wonder if she really approved, or if I''d misread her, and if I hadn''t misread her, if I really wanted this kind of approval. Then she spun me around, gripped my shoulder harder, and my eyes lost focus for a second as a ''splurch'' noise I never wanted to hear come from that region of my body ever again accompanied a nasty ripping sensation. From behind I heard Potami''s quiet, "Create Water," and icy liquid froze parts inside of me that really ought not be exposed to the outside. A moment later, "Heal Injury," and something that felt like mint tastes rolled through my shoulder.


    Afterward, while I panted a little as I turned back to face her, I asked, "do you have to do that? I mean, say the Mana Shape name?"


    She smirked at me. "It''s a habit I picked up in Remedial Mana Shaping in my first year. I could break it, but it''s useful."


    I didn''t mean to cock my head, but I figured rattling my brain might make that make more sense. "What about in a fight?"


    Without breaking eye contact, she pointed one hand at the remains of the mass of target dummies, almost-whispered, "Treat Injury," and a Fire Bolt shot downrange.


    "Oh my God, that''s beautiful. D''you mind if I do that in a fight some time?"


    She tilted her head. I don''t know whether she needed it to think about my request or me, but after a moment she said, "Twice."


    "Fair enough. Thanks!"


    Well done, Champion.


    Thanks, Boss.


    I turned to Lancaster, who stood holding the broken wooden ''spine'' of one of the target dummies; it had cracked about a foot from one end. "I''m fairly certain this wasn''t broken when it hit me."


    I grinned up at him. "Hence the helmet, Sir."


    He frowned down at me. "While I commend your bravery, and I now understand the role you undertake in these demonstrations, but..."


    I interrupted him by holding up one hand, "Sorry, sir. I got one more thing to do before you ream me out." With that I took off for the far end of the Yard. I found the remains of the armored dummy; I couldn''t get the armor off the dummy, because the remaining wooden bits had been half dragged out of the ragged six inch wide hole through the back of the armor. I shrugged, regretted it just a little bit, then gathered up a few of the metal bits that weren''t jammed into the pavers and wall, then jogged back and handed them over to Potami. "There you go. You were saying?"


    Lancaster nodded and continued like the interruption hadn''t happened, "what if you had been hit in the heart? or the head?"


    The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.


    I scoffed. "C''mon, sir. Not like anyone would notice brain damage on me, and anybody who''s seen what happened on the Equinox knows I''m an utterly heartless bitch."


    He just rolled his eyes and muttered, "Odin help me, the Gods made two of them." He looked at Hero Potami and said, "any news from Marshall duBois?"


    "No, Hero." She turned to Saffron, held out her hands. "May I please try a shot?"


    Saffron held Vulcan out, stroking his stock as she did. "He has opinions regarding that, but if he doesn''t mind, certainly."


    Hero Potami took Vulcan with appropriate reverence in her eyes, looking him over kinda the same way Loki''d done the first time he held our little God of Crossbows. Despite her carefully keeping his business end pointing down range, I got the strong impression he wanted to put an arrow in my knee for some fucking reason or another. Anyway, I ran down and set up another batch of dummies, this time throwing sets of cheap assed armor on all of them. I jogged back a little sweaty; Hero Potami''d kept Vulcan pointed at the sky the entire time. No idea where she''d learned trigger discipline, but fuckit, not gonna complain.


    I got behind Potami and off to the side, then slid Saffron behind me. She grabbed my shoulder and peeked over it. "That kinda defeats the purpose."


    "I''m mostly covered. Besides, I trust you to restore any loss I might suffer, my High Priestess of Loki."


    "If you make me revive you, I''m gonna spank you."


    "Oh. Oh, no. Not that," she deadpanned as we waited for Potami to finish much more carefully cocking Vulcan.


    As she did, Lancaster stepped in front of both of us, standing just hipshot enough that we could see around him to the targets. "Thank you sir, but that''s really not needed."


    He sniffed. "The day a Lancaster Hero places a Cadet in danger they need not be in? I''ll end them myself." Then he sighed as Potami loaded Vulcan and took her time aiming. "That weapon refuses to be parted from you?"


    Saffron nodded, never moving her chin from my shoulder. "Afraid so, sir."


    "My decision becomes even more constrained then. I am sorry to have to tell you this, but I cannot in good conscience keep you off the field, Cadet Aetos."


    Before either of us could reply, Vulcan thrummed, and the far end of the Yard exploded into a maelstrom of flashing metal and splinters. A tiny yet distinct squeak filled the courtyard precisely, then disappeared under the sound of an ongoing tinkle of metal shavings raining from the sky. I cleared my throat and said, "what about me, Sir?"


    He shot us both a paternal grin with, for a Lancaster, a surprisingly small amount of condescension, and said, "Your eagerness to defend Phileo is admirable, Cadet Diaz, but despite the record number of troops you''ve recruited, we haven''t enough to deploy the Freshman Cadets. If we did, I would most certainly do so; with those numbers we might force a surrender even without engaging their main force in battle."


    I frowned, "We''ve got more fifteen man squads than we do Cadets to train them, sir."


    The condescension got a lot thicker when he said, "quick lesson on deployment, as well as the psychology of warfare. When I march out, if I have the Volunteers available, I have at least one spare squad per Hero on the field. The same goes for Senior Cadets, who approach the effectiveness of a Hero on the battlefield, especially supported by a squad. On such a field, Cadets can be mistaken for Senior Cadets, which means the enemy must account for them as such. However, if we had so many squads and none spare? They''d know we''d brought Freshman Cadets to the field as a ruse." He looked me in the eye, checking for comprehension. Or maybe lightning bugs where my brain ought to be.


    "You," I paused a moment, "you make the squads sound like horses or something."


    He smiled down at me, practically glowing with condescension. "Excellent analogy, Diaz! You are in no way as hopeless as I''d feared you''d be when Lachlan passed on duBois'' opinion of you to me."


    What the fuck else could I say to that steaming pile of mixed excrement? "Thank you, sir!"


    Hero Potami walked over, daintily stepping over a few larger pieces of shrapnel that had rained down from above. She moved to hand Vulcan back to Saffron, but Lancaster interposed himself, half-looking at Saffron when he said, "may I?"


    Saffron nodded, although her fingers dug into my shoulders as she said, "If he allows it."


    Lancaster chuckled and lifted Vulcan out of Hero Potami''s open hands.


    He tried to lift Vulcan. I gotta say, he didn''t so much as strain to lift Vulcan and Potami both, Vulcan sticking to her hands like he''d been welded there. "That''s odd." He raised his left hand and waved it through the Shape for Inspect. After a moment Hero Potami dropped to the ground, sticking the landing perfectly, as Lancaster''s right hand leapt from Vulcan''s stock like the crossbow had burned him.


    "Did you know?" he snapped out.


    Like I''ve mentioned before, ''I have no knowledge of that'' hits different when you really don''t. "Know what, sir?"


    Lancaster drew a deep breath, glanced around at the doors, then at Potami. "Ensure the Yard is secure." Then he drew himself up, gathering his scattered dignity. "Did you do this, High Priestess of Mimic?" Points to him, he didn''t stutter or choke on that last word.


    "I was instrumental in his creation. I worked with Maintenance Smith Jon, first designing, then creating, then assembling all of his parts." She sounded as confused as I was.


    "Did it have a hand in creating that?" He waved a hand at Vulcan.


    "It, sir?"


    "Mimic." If he whispered, I guess he could argue that we stood under open sky, and he was worried about spies or some shit. Not like we hadn''t just had a whole thing about this a couple days ago.


    "Her, High Priest." Saffron replied.


    "Fine. She had a hand in creating that?"


    She shrugged, "him, and unless you count inspiration, no she did not."


    I chimed in, "Loki took the second shot with him, remember? He kinda fondled him a lot before he did, too."


    Lancaster relaxed the tiniest of fractions, then shook his head. "No. That might explain... but no." He shook his head. "Forgive me. Many of the concerns pressing me are unworthy of a Lancaster General of Phileo." He turned and looked Saffron dead in the eye. "High Priestess? A moment?"


    She stepped out from behind me. I got that weird anti-tingle across my front, and she stood clad in glowing midnight. And six inches taller, but if I laughed at that now I knew she''d find some way to addict me to something I''d find embarrassingly unpleasant to admit I found erotic. Like, I dunno, furries... shit. Marie. Goddammit, why can''t I have just one fucking thing not make me feel like a total weeb for one day?


    Anyhow, she spoke, and darkness writhed through the Yard, killing the sound of metallic rain. "Yes, General?"


    "Mimic still supports us?"


    Do you?


    I mean, he''s a dick, but he seems to know Generaling. Besides, if he really pissed me off, I wouldn''t take it out on Phileo, and I sure as shit wouldn''t take it out on Camden. I''d just frag his ass.


    She nodded, "Her support of Camden Yards and Phileo City remains unwavering. She has doubts about you, as you might imagine, from our first meeting, but she assures me that should you displease her too greatly, she will not withdraw her support from her Cities, but simply remove you from command."


    "By what authority?"


    More anti-tingles, and sound and light flickered. "Oh. Sorry, General. I''d meant to imply, but if I must state, if you displease her too greatly, she will erase your very existence."


    That''s not what I said.


    Poetic license. Also, he''s an Earthly Power representing a Divine one, and we both know I can bribe you into eradicating him.


    Goddammit. Lime fucking green, and everybody but me can see it. I sighed.


    For his part, Lancaster didn''t flinch, just took a moment to absorb Saffron''s pronouncement, then said, "so long as her displeasure comes from my failure as a General, that is just as it should be. What of the other Mor? Do they stand with us?"


    She shrugged, and the antithesis of thunder and lightning filled the Yard when she spoke, "if they choose to interfere and do not stand with us, they will not stand long, and will regret their foolishness for the exquisitely excruciating remainder of their existence."


    I did not know I had a fucking poetry kink. You are making me a nerd.


    Goof. I simply expose the true nerd within, and she revels in thanking me for it.


    For Lancaster''s part, he drew himself up, nodded, and turned to Potemi. "be sure we have at least two spare squads trained with those bows for each squad''s worth of bows we have."


    "Yes, General." Setting Vulcan in his case, she turned and headed for the door.


    Lancaster turned to us, nodded at us again, and as he turned to go said, "return to training once you''ve stored him properly and are back in uniform. I''d also recommend you Inspect him, if you haven''t done so already."


    We looked at each other, then carefully waited until he''d gone through the doors before rushing over, Inspect already flaring to life.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(52, 73, 94, 1)" width="100%">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td width="38%">


    NAME


    </td>


    <td width="61%">


    Vulcan


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="38%">


    RACE


    </td>


    <td width="61%">


    Hybrid


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="38%">


    HYBRID


    </td>


    <td width="61%">


    Fae (10%) / Bag (2.5%) / Human (2.5%) / Mor (85%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="38%">


    AGE


    </td>


    <td width="61%">


    Adult


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="38%">


    ATTRIBUTES


    </td>


    <td width="61%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="38%">


    STRENGTH


    </td>


    <td width="61%">


    16


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="38%">


    AGILITY


    </td>


    <td width="61%">


    16


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="38%">


    ENDURANCE


    </td>


    <td width="61%">


    16


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="38%">


    REASON


    </td>


    <td width="61%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="38%">


    MEMORY


    </td>


    <td width="61%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="38%">


    PERSONALITY


    </td>


    <td width="61%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="38%">


    AFFINITIES


    </td>


    <td width="61%">


    Air (5%) / Earth (5%) / Fire (90%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="38%">


    PATRON


    </td>


    <td width="61%">


    Undeclared


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="38%">


    SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="61%">


    None


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="38%">


    RACIAL SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="61%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="38%">


    ARCHERY


    </td>


    <td width="61%">


    16


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td>


    DEVASTATE


    </td>


    <td>


    16


    </td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    "Okay, did not expect that."


    "You are a terrifying wonder. I suspect we may be late getting back to training. so we''d best hurry."


    "Yeah, let''s do that." I packed Vulcan away properly, because despite my fervent wishes, possibly even a few whines and pleas, Saffron didn''t really feel stable bending over or squatting down in her new boots. He just smugged at me from inside his case.


    As we walked through the Eastern doors, I froze, forcing Saffron to stop since she''d been holding my hand for a little extra balance. Slowly I turned around and looked at the complete lack of corresponding door in the Western Yard wall of the Practice Yard, which had been symmetrical in every way since the day I first explored it. Then I looked back at the door we stood in. I looked at Saffron, and a new Grin slipped onto her face.


    "Just noticed that?"

 Day One Hundred And Nineteen

    Dear Diary,


    I sometimes forget that Saffron isn''t just ''smarter than me''. She makes me feel like a slow kid in an AP course on the regular, but she''s not just ''smarter than me''. She''s not just on another level. She''s multiple levels above and accelerating.


    I really hope she doesn''t get bored of me.


    So she turned and walked back into the dorm, leaving me staring at her. Hell of a view, though, so I sure as shit didn''t not follow. I mean, damn, if I were the introspective sort, I''d be feeling six kinds of weird about my adopted son, who as far as I can tell is straight up Ace, putting my wife in a dress designed to drive anyone susceptible to the curvature of the female ass to lustful madness. Even worse, I''m pretty sure he targeted it at me specifically. Fortunately for me, as the sight of aforementioned ass dragged me along the corridor like it had a string attaching it to my nose, that vision of horny-inducing loveliness erased everything else from my brain.


    "HOW did you do that shit?" Okay, not everything.


    She spun around, backpedaling on her toes, bringing one finger up to her mouth before spinning back around.


    Sufficient application of my Goddess'' most central inherent power.


    You... you mimicked a door? That doesn''t make any sense. Coherence is tough staring at an ass that rivals Morticia''s, but confusion? Dead easy.


    She just chuckled, the sound rolling through the corridor and twisting the shadows into fanciful shapes. Not your Skills, Goof. Your Domain.


    My what now? Wait, what the fuck even is a Domain again? I have a Domain? What the fuck is my Domain?


    Saffron got to our room, opened the door, and beckoned. I forgot all questions in my rush to get in and close that fucking door.


    I remembered my questions a while later while we were getting Saffron back into her uniform. "Domain?"


    She looked over her shoulder at me. She can tie her own shirt fine, but it''s straight up easier to have someone else do it. "I know you''ve heard this before, but it''s the core of a Deity''s power. ''Portfolio'' is the Domain plus any additional things a Deity has added to the Domain. Like, Apollo''s Domain is The Sun, but he''s also a God of Healing, Disease, Music, and Archery."


    "Okay, so my Domain?"


    She lost her balance on the padding and took half a step back, shoving dat ass in my face as she answered, "Primordial Domains tend to be much broader, especially abstract ones. They tend not to have anything resembling a Portfolio, since they don''t really need to expand so much as come up with an excuse for claiming something is part of it. Indech, for example; he pretty much claims everything that isn''t, right at the moment, ''orderly''."


    "Huh." Yeah, I''m the soul of eloquence. I had other things on my mind. Well, on my face. Fuck off. "Wait. How the fuck do they tell what belongs to who?"


    "Interestingly, it''s not unlike jurisdiction in Phileo City." She turned around and waved for me to button up her jacket, which hung open. Did not help my concentration one bit.


    While buttoning, I asked, "didn''t you complain about having me do this for you all the time?"


    She nodded, prim and proper as ever, "and then your completely logical arguments thoroughly trounced me in our battle of wits, so..."


    I had all but one of her buttons done up before my brain finally parsed that and figured out what the hell she was talking about. When I did I stopped, looked up to see her smiling warmly at me, and pulled her in for a hug, burying my face in her jacketed belly, reveling in the feel of her arms wrapping around my head, pulling me to her. We just stayed like that for a little bit. Yeah, yeah, we''re gonna get back to marching in circles, but if we can''t do this? What the unholy fuck are we even fighting for?


    We let go and stood up, and I asked, "my Domain, though?"


    She paused, heaved out a sigh, and asked, "do you trust me?"


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    "Absolutely." No question, no hesitation.


    "I''m not going to tell you, for many reasons. All the important ones boil down to the same thing; it would hurt you if you found out."


    "Oh, god. My Domain is ''Evil Incarnate'', isn''t it?"


    She punched me right in the tit. "NO!" Then she flicked me in the nose. "Don''t start guessing, either. It''ll eventually hurt you just as much if you guess your way into it."


    I looked down into her eyes. "No more looking then. No guessing. I can''t promise to forget if somebody tells me or I figure it out, though."


    "I wouldn''t ask you to hurt yourself just for me, love."


    "Pfft. Like forgetting something hurts. NOT forgetting shit is painful sometimes, but forgetting? That''s like breathing. I stop thinking about it, it just happens."


    She giggled a little at that, but tried for seriousness when she said, "it does make me a little sad when you put yourself down, love."


    I shook my head, "Nah. I''m just accepting who I am. Memorizing shit isn''t my thing. Schedules? Nope. I just do the best with whatever shit my memory chooses to yeet into my consciousness at any given moment."


    She just giggled a little and pulled me down into a kiss. Yeah, we''ll get back down and work our asses off, but like I said, if winning loses this? What''s the point of winning?


    As we walked out the door headed for the training fields, I asked, "so, without getting too deep into things Tabitha was not meant to know, how the fuck did you even pull that off? I mean, cutting through the wall? I could pull that off with sufficient Mana Blade. Qui-Gon ain''t got shit on me, boi!"


    She chuckled and shook her head, squeezing my hand. "No, no Mana Blades involved, although I''m sure you could. Kind of like using your toes when your fingers and tongue are both functional, but you could. You really ought to know this one, though. You''ve been a High Priestess longer than I have."


    "You say that like it means anything."


    She snerked a little at that. "A High Priestess can grant any Boon her Deity can."


    "Okay, yeah, I get that."


    "Even to herself."


    My brain kinda ate itself trying to digest the implications of that. "Fuck. I can''t. What does. How does that. Concrete example, please?"


    The Grin has, apparently, grown stronger when backed up by so many sisters. She looked up at me, shoved me back into the last dorm room door in the corridor, put one hand above my shoulder, then leaned into me. Before I could even crouch a little to let our lips meet, she reached around with her other hand and, with a crunch, opened the door, pushed me through, and slammed it behind us. She spun me around, mirroring our position against the door, but on the inside. "I can''t fucking believe I''m saying this, but we really do have to get outside eventually. Also, whoever''s room this is," I recognized the Altar just then, "Angel will get a little pissed at us for fucking in her room. I really don''t think she''s even in the right mental spot to say yes to an invite if she walks in on us."


    Saffron growled out, "oh, I think we''ve got the thirty seconds I need to do this."


    Just like that, I stared into slit hazel eyes, a pale almost-porcelain face surrounded by a riotous mane of black waves. Before I could really register that, she leaned in and kissed me. My eyes slid shut, my mouth filled with pumpkin spice and a tongue far too nimble to be normal. One big hand roamed down my side, fondling as it went. I don''t think I''d ever been kissed by someone my own height before. Saffron? Clearly smaller. Marie? So much bigger. Me? Well, shit, you can''t get much more ''your own size'' than yourself, can you?


    Thirty seconds of Essence of Weird Lady Boner later, Saffron dropped back away from me with a giggle, then led me out of the room. "A Deity can make a Boon of anything they can do. And a High Priestess can give any Boon their Deity can."


    As we walked down the steps, my brain finally cooled down enough to say, "so you''re saying I could do anything..."


    She spun me around, jumping to a step above me, leaning up against my ear to breathe, "yes, exactly, Goof."


    "Jeez. So anything I can do you can do better?"


    She snorted. "You are so dim sometimes, Goof. I will never be braver than you. I will never have your talent for brutality, your irreverent sense of humor, your... humility."


    With that she kissed me, then led me down the stairs and out the doors to the training field. I followed along behind her, my brain seizing up whenever I thought too much about those thirty seconds in Angel''s room. Eventually we passed her unit, and she hopped up to give me a peck on the cheek, then I moved on to work with my guys. The rest of the afternoon went by in a blur.


    I''m not even gonna talk about the night that followed. Maybe at some point when my brain starts functioning vaguely normally again.


    Oh, Goof, it never did in the first place. Don''t be sad, we love you just the way you are.


    Morning brought mega-breakfast, because apparently Lancaster believes in the ''feed the troops'' thing. Over the course of the day on Sunday we started actual weapons training for the troops. The spear training went pretty good for the folks from the Yards, because ''poke it with a stick'' isn''t exactly rocket science, and more than a few of them did spear fishing as kind of a side business slash hobby. By the end of the day Saffron and I were both wiped out. Me from training dude after dude in the basics of one handing a spear. Saffron from trying to get people to squeeze the trigger rather than jerking it, and fire in unison rather than as soon as they could.


    Bath night. Marie went overboard with the post-bath rubdowns. I kinda wanted to play around with Saffron and Marie, but the menace nixxed that, letting us know exactly how much she missed us, what with us being gone all day and so exhausted we couldn''t play at night. We spent maybe a couple hours playing toddler games, then all passed out in a heap in the middle of the room.


    Brain''s still a little tied in knots, though. Never knew I had a narcissistic streak.

 Day One Hundred And Twenty

    Dear Diary,


    Thank God I''ve got people in my life who remember what fucking day of the week it is.


    I''m not responsible for your lady love, my Champion. That''s all you.


    Okay, now Mr. Smarty Pants is making me blush. Anyhow, woke up this morning to the menace slapping my shoulders. On the one hand, I get she''s not actually big enough to shake any of us yet, but on the other hand she''s gotten a pretty fuckin'' solid bitch slap for a toddler. Eh, fuck it, at least she''s not biting my boobs.


    I cracked my eyes open to see menace-face inches from mine. "Mama! Mama! Mama!"


    "Whassup, Menace?" I opened my eyes a little more once I knew there wasn''t another volley of surprisingly solid baby slaps coming at me.


    She leaned herself backward and shouted, "DAHDA!" She''d managed to put her little uniform on all by herself. Okay, none of the buttons on her jacket were buttoned except one at the very bottom that dangled half-undone, and by the way her shirt hung open down to her pants she hadn''t tied that either, but for a nine month old? Not half fuckin'' bad, if you ask me. "Very good, Isnomi! What a clever girl you are!"


    I have no idea whether she got the reference or not, but she absolutely Muttlied a little before stopping with a, "bi ga!"


    "Yes, you are my big girl. You want Momma to help with your ties and buttons?"


    Her eyes got big and she did the victory pose again, shouting, "Ya!" so I scooped her up, sat up, extricated myself from a lounging Marie and a still-booting-up Saffron, and walked her over to the desk. I stood her on the desk and sat down in front of her, glad that for the moment, that put my eyes right around neck level on her. I kinda hoped she''d be able to dress herself before she got too big to do this comfortably.


    I paused for a second before starting. "Do you need to use the pot?"


    She shook her little head. "Na."


    "Are you sure? You know it''s not exactly quick getting this off of you, and if you have an accident, you''re back in diapers for two days."


    She leaned forward, and when I leaned forward to keep her from tumbling, she put a surprisingly less chubby baby palm on each of my cheeks. "Mama. Ah ga di."


    I nodded. "Okay then. But no saying I didn''t warn you."


    "Ah ga di," she repeated, then pushed herself back up to standing. Starting by unbuttoning her jacket, spinning her around, and tying her shirt properly, I started in on setting everything to rights. A sneaking suspicion hit as I remembered one set of ties, and I pulled her pants waist open.


    "Isnomi, you will not be going commando. Big Girls wear Panties."


    "Mama na wa pada."


    I stared at the little smart ass with my mouth hanging open for a moment before my brain scrambled into gear. "Momma isn''t a Big Girl. Momma is an Adult. When Isnomi is an Adult, she can choose to wear panties or not. But for now? Isnomi wears panties." Her lower lip stuck out, and she folded her arms. "If you shit your pants, you''re wearing a diaper for the next two days. No Big Girl Clothes." If she teared up a little at that, she didn''t fill her slacks, so I counted it as a win. "Wait here." I retrieved a set of Isnomi panties from the armoire. Halfway back, I stopped, sighed, turned around, and got my one set as well. I walked over, handed her set to her to hold, and put my own on. "See? Momma will wear panties today, just like Isnomi." That turned off the waterworks, so I threaded her panties onto her without taking her pants off, then tied everything up and buttoned up her jacket.


    "Dahda!"


    "Tada indeed," Saffron chimed in from the bed. I looked over to see her climbing over a still lazing Marie. "So, will you be taking her along today?"


    "I kinda figured she''d ride with Marie again today. Dudes need more spear practice, and some of them don''t look real close where they''re stomping."


    She chuckled and shook her head. "Oh, I suspect she''d command more of their attention than you realize, but that''s not what I meant. Today is Monday, you realize?"


    "Oh. Oh, shit."


    Sorry, Boss. I''ll be there soon.


    There is no rush, Tabitha. We eagerly await your visit, but I would not have my Champion shorting herself on sleep for some petty reason. You are to attend me on Mondays, but nowhere in our agreement did we state for how long. All that said, when can we expect you?


    I gotta get dressed and get breakfast. Two hours?


    I suppose that will have to do.


    Oh, Boss! Do you mind if I bring Saffron and Isnomi along today?


    Should I say no to the latter, Sigyn will be displeased, and your lovely wife is always welcome.


    Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    I turned to the armoire to see Marie just finishing up sliding Saffron''s boots on. Saffron plus boots sans anything else kinda put me in screensaver mode until she finished dressing. I''m not sure whether to be happy or sad that Marie helped her, so she finished way faster than I''d like. Once she had her dress of glowing midnight on, she sashayed over, pulled me out of the chair, and pushed me toward Marie. As she played dress-up-doll with me, I asked, "do you have time to come with us today, Marie?"


    She thought about it while she pulled on my second boot. Then she sighed, shook her head, and said, "No."


    I put my arms around her and ran one hand down her back while I hugged her to me. "We''d love it if you''d come, but if you can''t, you can''t."


    She slipped The Dress onto me, then turned to put her own Maid uniform on. Saffron carried Isnomi over and we all gathered around Marie for a quiet group hug before she left for her day of Marie things. As Saffron and I moved to follow, I caught myself. "Oh, shit. I almost forgot. Hang a sec?"


    "Sure."


    I walked over, opened the armoire, and opened the door in the back. "Son?"


    I might have jumped just a little as he appeared in the doorway between one moment and the next. "Yes, Mother?"


    "Are Sigyn''s boots ready?"


    His mouth slid into that too-wide grin and he said, "they are. I think you''ll be pleased."


    "Did you do your best?"


    The tiniest hint of a frown marred his grin. "Always."


    "Then I will always be pleased and proud of you, Son." Yeah, I know, I was totally laying it on thicker than Nicki Minaj''s ass, but what the fuck am I supposed to do with Essence of Psycho-son?


    He handed me a long, rectangular, blue, leather case, held shut by simple loops around opposing oblong buttons. Before I could thank him, he said, "oh, wait, I almost forgot," and handed me a metal hoop. On closer inspection I realized it wasn''t a hoop, but a circlet, almost a tiara. On second thought, definitely a tiara, but way too small for me. At a glance, too small even for Saffron.


    "Who?" I paused, not quite knowing how to ask without possibly offending him.


    He smiled that too-wide grin. "For my darling little sister, of course."


    I narrowed my eyes and smile just a touch. "This isn''t going to do something unpleasant, is it?"


    "Mother! I would never hurt Isnomi. How could you think that!" His ''offended innocence'' was really good, I had to hand it to him.


    Still, I''d dealt with con artists great and small my whole life. "I didn''t say hurt her. I said something unpleasant. You are most certainly not above playing pranks."


    His smile widened, and he gave me a sideways nod of his head, "not untrue, but I have not done so with that, or with this," he handed over a blue and white leather sash with something written on it. I juggled the tiara into my hand with the box to let the sash fall open so I could read it. It had ''Invencible'' embroidered in tiny silver letters along one edge of the white part of the sash. "Would it be too much to ask for her to try them on?"


    I shrugged and turned to call Saffron over, but she''d apparently heard. She stood behind me, and Isnomi already had her hands out, grabbing at the tiny tiara. I juggled stuff around to hand it to her, and she grabbed it and slapped it on her head. "Isnomi, what do we say?"


    She grinned up at The Smith and said, "Da ga, Tikibada!"


    "You are most welcome, Sister Menace." He even nodded and sounded like he meant it. I have no idea if I was just the most gullible mom in history, or if I''d actually managed to successfully do Mom Things, but fuck it, I''m gonna count it as a win.


    "Hold her a moment?" I took Isnomi in the hand with the sash, and Saffron took the sash and tied it around her middle. It was a little too long for her, and didn''t bunch up well over her shoulder, but Saffron managed to overlap it twice around the menace''s belly, where it wound up looking almost exactly like the Camden Yards flag Raven had drawn.


    I lifted an eyebrow and asked, "That''s on purpose, isn''t it?"


    He shrugged. "She''ll grow into it eventually, and when she does she can wear it over her shoulder. For now, though? This will do."


    I handed Saffron the menace and the boot box, then stepped up to the doorway to put my arms around The Smith. "Thank you, Son." If he stiffened a moment, he didn''t pull away, and I felt his grin stretch all the way around to his ears as he leaned down into the hug. When we pulled apart, I swear I saw actual tears in his eyes. Goddamn he had the act down.


    "You are very welcome, Mother. I believe you''ve got places to be today, though?"


    I nodded, asked, "closed or open?"


    He replied, "you''ll be out today, so please do leave it open."


    I nodded again and said, "see you tonight, Son."


    He just smiled, waved, and was gone.


    As we walked down to the Dining Hall, I tried to take the tiara to get a better look at it, but the menace straight up snapped a set of jaws to put The Smith to shame at me. "Do I even want to know how you did that, Menace?"


    "Meh."


    "Fair enough."


    When we got down to the Dining Hall, more than just the ROTC table got a little quiet when we walked in. I mean, I guess this is the first time anybody''d gotten a good look at me in The Dress, and for all but like six people, this was the first time anyone had seen Saffron''s Holy Garb. We walked over to the ROTC table and sat down accompanied by the sound of Raven furiously sketching. Kinda funny, Saffron still sat across from me. Habits die hard. Also, this way we had one of us on each side of the table to help corral the menace.


    Just before we started eating, Angel managed to choke out, "Holy shit. I''m straight, but..."


    She trailed off, and Bill deadpanned, "so''s spaghetti, until it gets wet." He pronounced it that Italian way, where you drop the last syllable. Figure the Greeks would know how the Italians pronounce it.


    I nearly spat out a mouthful of eggs at that. Worse, Isnomi looked up and said, "get?"


    Saffron saved me. "Spaghetti is food. The Drivers make it sometimes."


    "Get?"


    "Spa-ghet"


    "Pa get?"


    Saffron nodded. "I''ll see if Mr. Driver can make some next time we''re down there."


    The Menace nodded seriously, then went back to the Serious Business of cramming a day''s worth of food into her in two hours. I mean, everybody at the table did that, and it amused me that Isnomi seemed set to follow in my competitive eating footsteps. It took a lot of doing to keep her uniform and The Dress clean, but somehow I managed it. Okay, I had a lot of help, as first Saffron, then the rest of the ROTCs took over Isnomi watch while the rest of us kept shoveling.


    We finished up early, since Saffron and I both kinda wanted to see Sigyn''s new boots, not to mention her reaction to them. I picked up the boot box, scooped up the menace, took Saffron¡¯s hand, and walked over to the doors. I half turned, nodded to the room in general and the ROTCs sorta specifically, then looked at Saffron.


    "Do you want to do this?"


    "I think it''s really better if you do."


    I stepped through the doorway, and into Loki''s cave. When I did, Sigyn looked up, then down at Loki. "You didn''t tell me she was about to arrive."


    He winced a little and replied, "I didn''t bring her. Well learned, High Priestess, but perhaps ill timed."


    "Hey, I come bearing gifts and shit." I set Isnomi on the floor, where she went up on tiptoes and dashed to meet Mister Slither, who came down the wall to gather her up before crawling back to his perch with her clinging to him like a limpet, cackling madly the whole time. I handed the boot box to Saffron, walked over to Sigyn, took her bowl from her, and hip checked her in Saffron''s direction. I sat down next to Loki''s head facing away from him. Between the bowl and my body, I completely blocked his view of Sigyn.


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    "While the view is as nice as I could engineer before you earned me so much Glory, I''ve discovered I vastly prefer the view you''re occluding."


    I twisted my head enough to shoot him a look. "Did you just ''move, bitch, get out the way'' me?"


    He shrugged, rattling his chains. "Oh, no, I have revealed my greatest secret, my abiding adoration of my wife."


    I shook my head and turned back around to watch as Saffron helped Sigyn into her new boots. I got a stunning view of dat ass, because apparently my son does not make ''just boots''. In Sigyn''s case, he''d apparently provided anything he thought of as ''boot related'', for a value of ''boot related'' that put Virgin Killers to shame. Saffron started with a nice pale pink garter belt, with slightly darker pink garters holding up pink stockings that started at a deep, almost red pink at the toes, lightening until the tops matched the garters. The tops. Holy shit, the tops of the stockings needed the garters, because without some kind of special sticky magic they would have rolled down instead of squeezing just enough to provide that mesmerizing bulge around their top. ''The lady-boner is made here'' indeed. I guess when you''re Ace as fuck, you can look on the whole thing as an artistic engineering challenge, and by God my son was an artist of the absolute highest caliber.


    The stockings on, Saffron slipped one boot over Sigyn''s foot and up her leg; it slid on over the stocking like it was on greased rails. Saffron pulled another set of garters from inside the boot and clipped them to the belt. Sigyn''s eyes crossed a little, and her ass clenched up just a little. "That is an odd sensation."


    "Pardon, Champion, but what is your wife doing to my wife?"


    I shook my head without looking at him. "Yeah, Boss, you''re missing out, but seeing would totally spoil the surprise. You can watch next time."


    I heard the frown in his voice when he said, "now that you''ve mastered translocation, you would steal my title of Backbiter?"


    "Hey, that hurts, Boss. This is the good kind of surprise. Also, if you bite me in the ass I''m gonna figure out a way to fart on you."


    He laughed at that, spluttering out, "I never thought I would actually be amused by vulgarity equaling that found in the Valhal. I was kidding, Tabitha. I trust you. But this situation is disturbing. Humor me? Tell me your wife is not ravishing mine?"


    Just at that moment, Saffron finished sliding the other boot on, and Sigyn squeaked, her ass cheeks clamping together like a goddamned vice.


    That''s vise, dear.


    I know what I said.


    "That''s..." She giggled a little bit. "It tickles. Sort of. Is there something alive in there?"


    I shrugged, "no idea, but if you want my opinion? Probably, and it''s probably better if you don''t know exactly what."


    "Tabitha..."


    "Almost ready, Boss."


    Saffron nodded to Sigyn. "Take a quick walk to the other end of the cave and back."


    Immediately I realized the wisdom of her decision, as Sigyn stumbled a bit with the first step, but I guess knowing what wins and what doesn''t lets you learn something straightforward like ''not faceplanting wearing stilettos'' pretty fuckin'' quick. I think. The gray matter heated up a little once she hit her stride, but thankfully she turned around and started back right about then. When she did I realized Saffron had taken liberties with Sigyn''s skirt. A pile of fabric lay where Saffron knelt on the floor, still recovering from the sight of Sigyn walking away. Fuck, I couldn''t blame her. ''I''m married, not dead'' applied to both of us, I guess. Sigyn''s skirt dipped down in a vee that almost touched the boots in the front, but rose up to mid-hip by the sides, and didn''t dip down fucking at all in the back. When she stood in front of me, right about in her normal spot, she asked, "so, Champion, how do I look?"


    For a fuckin'' Goddess of Victory, she sounded really insecure. I kinda knew how she felt; I''d feel the same way dressing up in a new outfit for Saffron. I smiled up at her, said, "I''m not the one who matters." I stood smoothly, pivoting away to hold Sigyn''s bowl out of the way, letting the full effects of Sigyn''s boot-based glow up hit Loki all at once.


    I got a tiny but fierce glow of pride in my gut when Loki stuttered out, "S... Si... Sig... Si..."


    I took pity on him.


    No the fuck I didn''t. Who do you think I am? If I''m gonna be lime green, I''m gonna be fuckin'' glowing Shego lime green, and fuck anybody who says I can''t. Double fuck ''em if they say green doesn''t go with red. "I think what your husband is trying to say is ''Sit on my face and say you love me'', but I think you ought to just walk away until he can spit it out on his own." Sigyn''s ass might not actually be her best feature. She laughed, deep and throaty, as she turned and walked way. I looked down to watch Loki''s face as he wrenched himself half upright, shaking the cave a little just to get a better view. "So, Boss, what do you think of your wife''s new boots I had made special just for you? Good offering unto my Patron?"


    The only thing that came out of his mouth? A growling whine full of need.


    "Okay, Boss. Hang just a sec, we''ll get you loose, and the missus and I will go play with Isnomi and Mister Slither." I looked up at Sigyn and asked, "unless you want me to leave him tied up?"


    She laughed again, the sound echoing through the cave like auditory crushed velvet.


    Then the world fucking exploded. Something hit me, knocking Sigyn''s bowl out of my hands, flipping it end over end straight toward the goddess herself, raining venomous acid all across Loki''s front. The ground shook beneath us as Loki screamed, his chains glistening silver and black and red. A big guy, and by ''big guy'', we''re talking like twelve feet tall, leaned over Loki, bellowing into his face. "WHERE ARE MY SONS!" The sound hit my ears like a concussion grenade, leaving me dizzy.


    As venom ran down the sides of his stone slab, Loki collected himself to spit out, "I have no idea, brother. Are you certain you didn''t turn one into a wolf? Throw one into the sea, perhaps? Chain one in a stable and feed him oats? Kill one and use his guts for garters?"


    With every word, the big guy''s shoulders hunched a little more. With the last, he raised one foot and brought it slamming down toward Loki''s face. I didn''t think, I just leapt, interposing myself, taking the hit in the middle of my chest and grabbing the big guy''s foot. I managed to redirect it enough that I landed on Loki''s chest, the big guy''s boot driving the wind out of me. I took one look at his enraged face, recognized him, and swore. "Fuck!"


    Goddess!


    Don''t kill him!


    As you wish. Mana Blades crackled.


    Don''t maim him!


    I glanced over to see Saffron kneeling where she''d caught Sigyn, who''d been hammered to the ground by her own bowl. Mana Blades extended from Saffron''s arms, and she crouched, ready to spring at Odin, but holding until I gave her the go-ahead.


    "YOU THINK THIS IS A JOKE!" He lifted his foot again. I clung to it, but that slowed him about as much as a fuzzy slipper would slow down Usain Bolt. His foot hammered down again, and the air blasted out of me. I think I felt something crack, but a blast of freezing wind washed over me as the kick drove the wind out of Loki as well. Odin looked at Loki, then at the ceiling, where Mister Slither hung, his mouth just opening. "YOU!" Odin didn''t have to jump to swing his fist straight up at the snake''s head. Right before impact, I heard a clickety clack like dozens of tiny metal ants climbing over one another coming from Mister Slither, and then Odin''s fist drove Mister Slither''s whole head region into the rock of the ceiling.


    He screamed, "BASTARD SON OF A WHORE!", flexed his hand, yanked, and tossed a surprisingly un-squashed Mister Slither across the room. The snake bounced off the far wall, landing between Odin and Sigyn. Odin shook blackened goo from the back of his hand, then pulled his arm back, a wickedly barbed spear appearing in it as he did. As a wireframe Saffron skulked along the wall on Odin''s far side, he threw the spear. I couldn''t tell whether he''d aimed at Mister Slither or Sigyn.


    Then it didn''t matter. The menace fucking uncloaked, standing on tippy toes right in the spear''s path.


    Fuck this asshole. Potami could lead the army. I drove a branching Mana Blade straight up out of my sternum, another out of my right arm, extending upward straight toward the one eyed monster''s one eyed monster. Saffron leapt, her own Blades thickening, spreading into fucking lances that covered her entire forearms. Odin screamed, lifted his fist.


    Sigyn''s shriek filled the room, freezing everyone in place as it rebounded from the walls, building on itself in the tiny space. In the sudden silence as she stopped, a quiet voice filled the room. "Bi ma kika poo." Followed by the tearing crunching shriek of metal and wood being rent asunder. I blinked and looked over to see Isnomi tearing chunks out of that goddamned spear with her teeth.


    I turned back to the hulking Aesir above me. Saffron''s Blades lay against either side of his neck, ready to scissor his fucking head off if he moved. His one remaining eye watered. "Okay, Balegyr. You so much as twitch a fuckin'' muscle, you lose this fuckin'' leg. If you do anything to piss me off, my wife will be very sad, because she''ll have to behead you instead of torturing you to death for throwing a fucking boar spear at an unconscious woman, a dead snake, and OUR FUCKING DAUGHTER."


    He didn''t move, but he did snort derision. "What care have I for lost limbs. I''ve lived through worse. I''ve lived through death time and again, Mortal. Why should I care about you and your mortal wife?"


    "Oh, I''m sorry, I thought you having pets named Reason and Memory meant you had both of those. Don''t you remember who''s fucking High Priestess my wife is? Think about it really, really, hard. It happened so long ago, I know. All of last fucking week. Try really hard, I''m sure you can fucking figure it out, you entitled piece of shit." Fuck. I''d totally slipped into hyper-abusive Mom mode. Lime fucking green.


    All the color drained out of Odin''s face, and the rage drained with it. "Ah. I think there may have been a misunderstanding. You have my sincerest apologies for any danger I have inadvertently placed your daughter in." He looked to where the menace crunched down the remains of a wooden pole, swallowed, turned to Odin, grinned, and let out a cave-shaking belch. "If, indeed, I placed her in any danger at all." He closed his eyes, managing to mime a bow without moving. "I mean all this sincerely. I am beside myself with worry, and I lost my temper."


    "Worry about fucking what, Havi? Because you gotta be fuckin'' high if you think you''re talking your way out of this one scot free." I twitched, and he hissed in pain, but didn''t move.


    "My sons have gone missing. Surely, as mothers, you both understand how cruelly that could tug at your soul, could drive you to do things you would otherwise not imagine?" He glanced meaningfully at Saffron''s scissor-lances.


    She chuckled, the sound nearly as throaty as Sigyn''s, bloodlust in sonic form. "Oh, I have imagined this ever since I realized it possible, treacher."


    "Then why don''t you?" he spat.


    She looked to me, no less heat in her eyes. Fuck it, the whole reason Odin wasn''t steak tartare was ''cause I needed fucking Lancaster to keep Saffron safe. "Because my beloved wife asked me nicely not to."


    "So I owe my life to the mercy of women?"


    Loki wheezed out, "it appears your other option is dying at the knives of the women. I heartily discommend that, by the way."


    Odin shuddered, and sizzling meat sounds came from his leg and neck. "Point taken. Why have you spared me, Champion?"


    "I need your High Priest from Phileo."


    He snorted, "Phileo."


    I twitched, he froze. "Your High Priest from Phileo leading our Army at full power, which includes being your High Priest."


    "Why would I disavow him?"


    "No fuckin'' clue why shits like you betray people, but then again, I don''t give a shit. My wife sneezes, Lancaster''s just a guy in a dress."


    Odin gulped. More sizzling. "Point taken. Again. Lancaster remains my High Priest for as long as you have need of him."


    "Good. Who knows where this cave is?"


    "Other than yourselves? To my knowledge, only I and my sons."


    I nodded, keeping my chest still, but waving a little with the Mana Blade on my hand. I accidentally clipped his loincloth, and it slithered free. No, seriously, I''m not a fuckin'' machine, I slipped. Little Odin took his balls and ran home. I hid my chuckle.


    Okay, I didn''t. I fuckin'' had a laugh at the big man with a second belly button. "Okay. Relay this to them when you find them. If I catch any of the three of you here again, you die."


    "You would send your wife after me?"


    "Yeah, probably not. But I don''t need her to kill your sloppy ass."


    He sniffed. "I am fated to die in Fenris'' gullet. Not by the hand of Loki''s Champion."


    I grinned up at him. I couldn''t match my kid''s freaky smiles. Check that. Shapeshifting for the win. I grinned up at him, my ears crinkling. "Oh, no! My clever plan is undone! Oh, wait, I guess I''ll have to dismember your fat ass, drag your parts down to Hel one at a time, and feed them to Mister Barkington. Did you really fucking hang from a tree until you died to get wisdom? Or was that ripping an eye out?"


    "What of it?"


    "You need to complain to management for a refund."


    Odin spat, or tried to. I guess he couldn''t work up too much spit with his neck sizzling every time he twitched. Gotta hand it to him, getting tagged with one of these bitches is excruciating, but he never flinched. Then again, I guess he was part of the ''dealt with ridiculous pain because life is shit'' club along with me and Loki. Dumb fucker signed up on his own, but he''s still got the card and keychain and everything. "What of Loki''s imprisonment? I will not allow..." Sizzle sizzle silence.


    "Thank you, Kitten."


    "My pleasure, Goof. You, treacher, are in no position to allow or not allow. You may choose to obey, or you may choose to die. Do not presume otherwise." God my wife is hot when she threatens people.


    Never tell Sigyn, but you are absolutely correct. Where did she get that dress?


    She convinced The Smith to make it for her.


    Loki whimpered, the sound so quiet I couldn''t have heard it if I weren''t laying on top of him. There are two of them.


    "Okay. I get that you''re worried to death about your sons. I even feel for you the tiniest possible bit. I get that you''re pissing yourself over that whole, ''Loki gets out of his cave, you''re dog chow'' chain of events. Here''s the best deal you get. You go back to the Valhal and get your drink on until you can''t feel your legs any more. I dunno, maybe see if Frigg will kiss it and make it better. You keep doing the God thing for your worshippers in Phileo, just like you''ve been doing. I''ll see if I can find your kids for you. I''ll make sure Loki stays here. You get all that?"


    "His sentence was to be tortured for all eternity!"


    "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I''ll take care of all that."


    Tabitha?


    Love you, Boss, but with all due respect, shut the fuck up, I''m busy here.


    "So. I give you my word on all that. You cool with it?"


    "How can I trust you?"


    "Hey Boss?"


    "Yes, Tabitha?"


    "Can I lie for shit?"


    Loki sighed, shifting me just a touch. "I''m afraid your aptitude for prevarication causes me daily distress."


    "You chose a High Priestess and a Champion who cannot lie? YOU? Please don''t tell me that''s true. If I laugh, I will behead myself." Loki shrugged again, and Odin winced. "So be it. I choose life. Loki''s imprisonment and torture I leave to you. Tell my High Priest if you have news of my sons."


    "Good enough. Now fuck off and don''t come back."


    I''m not sure if the menace spoiled my line by letting loose another belch, but the next moment Odin was gone. I sighed, releasing my Mana Blades. Saffron did the same, tumbling down from the wall to faceplant in my crotch. Which was not so much ''ooh, smexy'' as ''holy fucking god ninety pounds of headbutt to my lady bits''. All three of us lay there groaning while Isnomi crawled over to Mister Slither and patted at his head. "Ai! Ai!" The snake blinked a few times, then slithered around her, settling into what I chose to see as a protective crouch as she stroked his scales.


    Sigyn pushed herself up, still looking dazed. "What happened?"


    "Are you okay, Lady?"


    She snorted. "I may have a headache for a bit. That much bowl to the head wasn''t pleasant."


    "Why did you let out that... what was it? Squeak? Squeal?"


    Loki cleared his throat, and I looked at him.


    I know that sound. Intimately.


    Are you fucking kidding me?


    I am as mystified as you, my Champion, but no, I am not.


    "Okay. Never mind. Don''t wanna know. Hey Boss? You okay if I head home and get some fuckin'' rest?"


    "After what you''ve achieved today? I will demand it as your proper Devotional Act for this day."


    I struggled to my feet, lifting Saffron to hers as I did. We leaned against each other and staggered toward Isnomi. "Thanks, Boss."


    "Ah, perhaps a little help before you go?" He rattled his chains.


    I gave Saffron a gentle shove toward Isnomi while I gave Sigyn a hand up. "Sorry, Boss. If I don''t keep my word that little shit will find a way to weasel out of our deal. Fuck, he''ll find a way anyway, but I''m not gonna make it easy for him. The chains stay on during torture."


    TABITHA?


    I thought you trusted me, Boss?


    I leaned over and whispered in Sigyn''s ear for a bit while hurt, angry, terrified Loki noises filled my brain. Those all stopped when that awesome Candice Bergen throaty laugh echoed through the cave. Yes, I know who Candace Bergen is. Something, something, something, aunties, VCRs, bored as shit kid with maybe some bi tendencies even then. "So, how often did Mister Slither have unrestricted access to the Boss'' poor abused body?"


    Sign shrugged. "It varied. Two or three times a day. A few minutes each time. I hurried as quickly as I could without spilling venom on him or myself."


    "Okay then. Just to be on the safe side, thirty minutes a day. No less." I glanced over at Loki, who''d pushed himself up until he could just see us standing there. "More if you''re really grooving on it. I leave that in your capable hands." Confused Loki noises had replaced the earlier ones leaking into my brain, but hey, as noted, if I''m gonna be Lime Green, I''m gonna be Key Lime Green Fucking Pie. Sigyn strode over to Loki, and with both of our eyes locked to that view, I asked, "You ready to go, Saff?"


    "Well. Someone''s in a mood for wife torture today, isn''t she?"


    I shrugged and took her hand. "Eh. We''ve got Menace today, and we both know you were gonna do that anyway for keeping you from beheading bitch boy."


    You know me so well.


    Carnally, even.


    Not today.


    Yeah, I deserve that.


    Sigyn turned to face us, entirely uncoincidentally turning her back on Loki, standing where he could just barely, if he pushed himself up and twisted what looked like painfully, catch glimpses of her. She nodded to us, touched one finger to her brow in salute, then closed her eyes and stretched, reaching her clasped hands above her head as far as she could. As Loki''s chains squealed at the tension he put them under, we stepped forward and back into our cell.


    You unbelievably cruel bitch.


    Hey, Boss, I never said the bonds had to stay on when the torture was done.


    You magnificent bitch. I take back any mean thing anyone anywhere has ever said about you.


    Thanks, Boss.


    I''m not the best any more?


    I kinda figured you were looking at that right now.


    Zero response from that. Point to Tabitha. Now I just had to survive irked Saffron until she got bored and gave in. Or didn''t. She''d been learning from Marie. Whatever. Lime fucking green, here I come.

 Day One Hundred And Twenty One

    Dear Diary,


    Some days, like the day after Solstice, I feel like a Big Damn Hero. Others, like today? I feel like life''s setting me up for the big devastating loss that turns me straight up Villain.


    So when Saffron and I got home last night, somebody''d remodeled a little bit.


    My rickety shrine had been moved to the eastern corner of the room and more or less permanently attached to the walls. It even had hooks and some weird pillars rising up from underneath it. I had no clue what those were for until Saffron knelt, pulled my boots off, and slipped them upside down over the pillars. Then she slipped The Dress off and hung it from one of the hooks. I''m occasionally capable of catching a clue, so I tossed her onto the bed and pulled her boots off and racked them, then stood her back up and far more gently removed her Dress of Glowing Midnight and hung it above them. Then I kinda collapsed onto the bed and lay there staring at her until she shook her head and collapsed on top of me.


    She felt nice lying there atop me with her stockings and lingerie, like a warm, happy making blanket. "You comfy enough to go to sleep?"


    "Nope."


    "You up for anything else?"


    "Nope."


    "So what you want to do?"


    A huge yawn escaped from her, right below my ear, before she curled a little and snuggled right on top of me. "Goin'' to sleep anyway."


    "Good plan." Moving carefully to keep from disturbing her, I wriggled around enough to get my head on a pillow. From across the room I heard, "ga na, ma. Ga na, mama." I flopped my head over to look at the menace; she lay atop a toddler sized bed where her crib used to be. She lay on her side, looking back at me, her head resting on a little toddler sized pillow, curled around a well-nommed Mr. Kraken. "Tikibada ma Ahnama bi ga be!"


    "So he did. Good night, Menace. I love you."


    From atop me, Saffron murmured, "love ya..." drifting off into a snore mid-goodnight.


    "La ya," Isnomi whispered. Shortly after, tiny snores came from the far side of the room. Shortly after that? I fell asleep right there, lights on and everything.


    I woke in darkness, the world in wireframe. As I took in the new configuration of the room, I listened to a strange melody of creation from the armoire. I''m not even being poetic, really. A hammer struck metal rhythmically, every now and then hitting a double tap that added a bit of syncopation to the beat. Something like a wood saw added some texture to the noise, some base to the music. The world''s most polite belt sander added a melody. All of it sounded far away, like somebody watching a video at low volume in the other room. I slow-blinked at the closet. My son might be a sick sadistic fuck to shame the world''s sick sadistic fuck population, but goddamn that boy could create Art. Hell, he made Music just making shit, and I''m absolutely certain he did it deliberately. Mental note to self, compliment him on his composition.


    Still half asleep and conspicuously lacking in get up and go, I lay there looking over the room. The bed still sat along the southeast wall, although I think it was centered better. The desk stood just to my right of the south-corner door, sticking out into the room instead of along the southwest wall the way it had been. It made for a nice little entryway, and Marie had turned her cart sideways to block off that area from the rest of the room. With our rope baby fence gone, I guessed that worked. I mean, after watching Isnomi nom Gungnir like a goddamned super-sized lollipop, I guess the baby fence was more a suggestion than anything. Isnomi''s toddler bed sat directly across the room from ours, along the northwest wall, with her pillow on the west end of the bed, unlike ours on the east end, almost beneath our altar shelves. Finally the armoire with its open doors and obviously open doorway to the Workshop sat midway along the northeast wall. Well, not quite finally. Marie lay in the middle of the floor in a huge curl of pillows that looked uncomfortably like a tiger-sized cat bed.


    I rolled my head back to stare at the ceiling, and realized something that made my eyes shoot open, then drift back shut. The magnificent bastard hadn''t just replaced our pillows, he''d supplied actual pillows. Not even, like, the shitty dollar store pillows I''d grown up with. No idea how he''d managed something so like memory foam, but it cradled my head better than anything short of paramour thighs. Okay, it gave them serious competition. No matter how long I lay there, the cool side of the pillow stayed cool. Such comfy. So pillow. Wow.


    I drifted back to sleep thinking thoughts of exactly how many murders I''d forgive for this pillow alone.


    I woke to the exquisite agony of Saffron stretching herself awake on top of me. Now, if you''ve never had the opportunities life has suddenly dumped on me, while silk and lace can provide some real exciting tactile stimulation in flagrante delicto, when you''re waking up to it? Lace can be some scratchy shit. "Gnaagghhh." Saffron froze, snorted, then started laughing. Which kept up the whole ''lace rubbing across bare skin'' thing. I reached up and interposed my hands over the most sensitive bits. "Ow! Kitten! Stop scratching there!"


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    "You seemed to like it the other night..."


    "Yeah, well. I''m an old school arcade machine." That earned me a confused but curious look. "You gotta drop something in the slot and press the start button before you play with the knobs." The confusion melted into snorted laughter, but this time my hands remained firmly interposed between sandpaper lace and my sensitive bits. At least they did until she grabbed them and used them to drag herself up to give me a thorough mouth-only, tongue-enhanced kiss. Guess I failed to specify which slot.


    Kind of moot point, though, because the menace chose that moment to crow out, "mawa!" and take a flying leap onto our sleeping tiger. Curiously, my asshole remained entirely unpuckered when Marie let out a blood curdling growl and initiated an enthusiastic game of pounce-in-the-dark. Saffron lay there atop me, her head turned the same way as mine, watching our daughter and her nanny tumbling around the floor, Marie''s seemingly careless tosses of Isnomi somehow always landing the rugrat right onto the thickest layers of pillows.


    "I need you to promise me something, Goof."


    "Anything, Kitten." While she couldn''t bribe me now, I''m all adult now and understand the concept of delayed gratification.


    "I''m serious, Tabitha."


    Ah, fuck. Meh. Bribery might still happen. "Okay."


    "Lancaster is going to deploy me. I need you to stay here."


    I frowned. "I do not like where this is going."


    She smiled, "don''t worry. I won''t Just Happen to anyone while I''m away. I promise. Worst case, I''ll make it up to you until you don''t care about it any more."


    "Pfft. Like I''m the jealous sort."


    "Of course you''re not. Besides, if someone made you question our relationship, I''d execute them."


    The affection in her words sent a shiver down my spine. "Hey, uh, don''t do that. I''ll work on my jealousy issues. Just, I dunno, scare them off. Poke them in the ass with a Blade or something."


    She bowed her head for a moment. As my Goddess wishes.


    Somehow I knew I''d been mousetrapped but good. "Why do you want me to stay here?"


    "Three reasons. First, because I don''t trust Lancaster, and I want both you and Marie here to look out for Isnomi."


    "What about our son?"


    "You mean the mobile one, who won''t be going with me?"


    I shuddered. "Yeah, let''s go with that."


    "Okay, I want you, Marie, and him all three looking out for her. Of all the deities ranged against us, Odin is the most powerful who is actually capable of subtlety and self-control. You saw how quickly he changed his approach in the cave."


    I thought about that for a few seconds. I hadn''t realized it at the time, but holy shit he absolutely had. Raging man-beast to urbane diplomat on zero seconds flat. "Yeah, I hadn''t fucking noticed until now. Shit."


    "I know. If I could choose which of us to deploy, I''d stay home, because while you are the most devoted, fiercest defender our child could want, you are unsubtle at the best of times."


    "Hey! I thought you liked unsubtle."


    She lifted her head and Grinned at me. "Oh, I do. I do, and I do, and for that alone I would say I do, but love it though I do, I can recognize where a more considered, methodical approach is appropriate."


    "Okay, fair enough. Methodical, I am not. Methodical, thy name is Saffron."


    She rubbed the side of her face against my chest. Her hair tickled in ways that we couldn''t explore right now, but still felt kinda nice. "You''re so sweet, Goof." Then she pushed herself up on her arms, being nice enough to distribute her weight along her forearms instead of driving those piton-like elbows through my ribcage. "The second reason is that I don''t trust Lancaster. He has connections on the Council, and we need at least one of us attending any official meetings."


    "Y''know, I''m starting to see a whole ''shit that Saffron ought to be doing'' pattern here."


    She nodded. "I would be foolish to think that''s a coincidence."


    "So why aren''t we just swapping places?"


    She raised an eyebrow. "Other than the fact that Lancaster might object?"


    I looked up at her from directly underneath her, and with her voice from a mouth that matched hers, said, "object to what?"


    She purred, "I never knew I had a narcissistic streak." Then she spent a minute proving she did. When we came up for air, she shook her head and said, "newly discovered kinks aside, I don''t think either of us is really a good enough actor to pull it off." When I returned her raised eyebrow with interest, she said, "I hesitate, and you don''t."


    "Okay, fair. Third reason?"


    "I don''t trust Lancaster. If you''re deployed alongside me, he''ll know exactly where you are. He''ll be able to throw you into the most distracting part of the fight, then shift things around to sacrifice you like a pawn, or do so to me, or..." she trailed off, her mind''s racing obvious from her thousand yard stare. "Suffice to say there are enough permutations he could do that would look legitimate until the moment one of us fell, or he cornered us into something worse. If you are here, however, he has no idea where you are."


    I rolled my eyes. "Except a million miles from the battlefield." She reached between our chests and pinched. "OW! That fuckin hurt!"


    "I''m aware. You''re smarter than that. The battlefield will be a hundred miles from here at most, and if you can move from here to Loki''s abode between one step and the next, you can just as easily move to me between one step and the next."


    "Oh. Oh, shit! You''re fuckin'' right!" I frowned at my next thought. "I still fuckin wish you could be here to deal with the Council shit while I went and fucked up the ''Damn army, waiting for my call for fire support."


    "As do I, love, but if we''re not just going to kill everyone we don''t like, we need to play the game. We just need to outplay them."


    I sighed. "You tell me the moves to make, I''ll make ''em."


    She bowed her head into my chest. As my Goddess says it, so shall it be. "And our next move is for me to go and you to stay. I will ever be by your side in spirit."


    "Me too, Kitten."


    "Ahnama da, Ma!" The menace popped up over the side of the bed, and her eyes shot wide. "Ma? Ma! Ta Ma!" She scuttled up and wormed her way between us. I looked down and had a moment of completely irrational envy of the kid, head surrounded by four rounded Saffron titties.


    Then her mouth latched onto my nipple. "Hey, what did I tell you, these boobs are lactose fraauugghh that''s so weird."


    Saffron chuckled, cupping my face with one hand. "You''ll get used to it, love."


    "Gnnaaauffrfrrrhghh." Yeah, women normally get like nine months to anticipate this shit, and they start doing it when they''re still pumped full of post-childbirth endorphins.


    So. Fuckin''. Weird. Then a bunch of Mommy Endorphins hit. Even fuckin'' weirder. Then Saffron blew my fuckin'' mind one more time.


    "Good thing, really. She''ll want to nurse at least once a day while I''m away. Two or three times some days."


    "Fffffuuggghhgghhhh."


    It''s weird. Fuck off.

 Day One Hundred And Twenty Two

    Dear Diary,


    Just when I think I''m getting used to life? It enweirdifies.


    Nursing is weird. I spent like an hour trying to get my tits evenly deflated before I realized what my bottomless pit of a daughter and my wife had realized far earlier. My stupid-high Endurance refilled them damn near as fast as the menace could empty them. Just before I smothered myself with my new pillow, Saffron took pity on me.


    "Goof?" I looked over at my own face looking back at me.


    "Good gods, nursing hormones make me stupid."


    She giggled, and Isnomi Muttlied. "Oh, I''m sure they''re not entirely to blame."


    I hefted the tiny terror and looked her in the eye. "You still hungry? Wait, of course you are. Have you had... no... you gonna starve if I stop now?"


    She stared at me solemnly and nodded.


    "Yeah, I''m not quite that gullible." I switched back to being me, tossed a squealing Menace to Marie, and got uniformed up to go about my day of spear training.


    Long day, but nothing too terrible.


    Long night spent chilling by the lakeside, staring at the stars.


    The next day at breakfast, Doctor DeLeon made his way around the tables. When he stopped at ours, he announced, "Hero Lancaster has all Freshman Cadet Geography classes meeting instead of training today."


    Saffron raised her hand, "what about me?"


    DeLeon shrugged, "I''m certain a single trainer won''t make a difference to the war effort, but your knowledge of the terrain might. If he meant differently, he should have specified."


    So we all trudged up to class today. We got there to find a much higher quality map of the northern Delaware Valley on the front wall. Angel and Bill chatted about his, I guess their dad''s meatloaf recipe. Raven started drawing. I settled in next to Saffron. Yeah, I had my own desk and yeah, they''d replaced my ashed chair, but I had no idea how long I''d be able to have my arm around her. Lancaster and his lackeys came in. He looked at us sitting there, opened his mouth, and I glared at him. Wonder of wonders, even Larry the Loser can Learn. He shut his mouth with a snap and went back to his Anime Protagonist Seat.


    Once the last few Cadets rolled in, Doctor DeLeon stood and whipped out his pointing stick. "Good Morning, Cadets. Hero Lancaster has asked me to review a few notable geographic features with you."


    That started a review of roads between Phileo and New Amsterdam. Weird thing; all of them started from Camden Yards and ran through Newark. Which wasn''t surprising if you looked at things from the ground level, but looking at the map I remembered a few things about my old Earth''s road system. "Doctor DeLeon?" I asked, raising my hand.


    "Yes, Tabitha?"


    "Those two towns there," I squinted at the map; whoever''d made it expected people to be standing right in front of it, not looking at it from across a classroom. "Morris Village and Lamb Town."


    "I hadn''t intended to move onto our river traffic quite yet, but well spotted. Lamb Town has been marked as our primary dropoff point for supplies being shipped upriver."


    "So we''re doing that then? Cool! But that''s not what I was gonna ask."


    He nodded, "Go on."


    "Isn''t there a bridge there? Going through Camden Yards and following the east bank of the Delaware instead of marching straight northeast from Phileo and crossing between Morris Village and Lamb Town has got to be adding what, about twenty miles to the trip? On foot that''s at least four hours, right?"


    Of course Larry muttered, "moron."


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    I shot him a look, but before I could move Doc DeLeon interrupted. "Cadet Lancaster, perhaps instead of denigrating your fellow Cadets, you could share your obviously extensive knowledge of the situation?"


    Lancaster rolled his eyes, but turned to me and, by extension, most of the rest of the class. "As Doctor DeLeon taught us during our first two classes, there is a no man''s land between the land claimed by Phileo and that claimed by New Amsterdam. You do remember that much?"


    "Yeah, Larry. I''m slow, but I''m not, like, you slow. Go on."


    He snorted derision and continued. "Lamb Town is the northernmost point firmly on the Phileo side of that no man''s land. As such, much like Brunswick on the far side, it is considered ''contested territory''."


    I scanned around the map until I finally spotted Brunswick. "Holy shit, how wide is the fucking neutral zone?"


    Lancaster muttered, "cretin," but continued before I could get on his shit about it. "That is the widest point of the no man''s land. Originally just containing the former village of Prince Town, over the years the unofficial borders of the no man''s land has spread, as few people want to live in an area not officially under the protection of either side."


    Bill cut in with, "or someplace that''s the unofficial battleground for Heroes on both sides with a grudge."


    Lancaster sighed, "fair point. At any rate, no one in Phileo would build a bridge between a contested village and a straight march into Phileo."


    Apparently being a Lancaster meant all available brain resources went to studying how to Tactics, with none left for basic civility. At least for the runt of the family. Still, I wasn''t about to fall to his level of graciouslessness, "Huh. I didn''t think of that. Thanks, Lancaster." I paused a beat, then asked, "what about a pontoon bridge for a quick advance or an orderly retreat?"


    While Lancaster spluttered and went into meltdown over the idea that his father''s Glorious Phileo City Army could ever retreat, Saffron asked, "pontoon bridge?"


    Ah, shit. "Um, you know what a simple river ferry looks like, right?"


    The Phileo kids looked mystified. The kids from the Yards all nodded. Bill added, "yeah, there are a bunch of them sorta-moored on Petty Island."


    "Sorta moored?"


    "They''ve mostly been sitting there since the bridge finished construction. Before the bridge they were the only reliable way across the river. Franklin even built a bunch more just to support building the bridge itself. But they were all built to last, especially the ones that he built. The ones the enchantments haven''t worn off of would still probably float. But even most of those have still kinda become one with the mud."


    "Well, shit, there you go then."


    Everybody stared at me until I realized I hadn''t really explained anything. "Okay, so a pontoon bridge is basically a temporary bridge made out of shit that floats. The ones I, uh, read about were made out of barrels, but if you''ve got ferries, those would be perfect. So instead of having one ferry that you drag across the river on ropes, or push across on poles? You just line them up one after another, all the way across the river."


    Everybody in the class, Doc DeLeon included, got a kind of faraway look as they envisioned what I described. Eventually fucking Lancaster of all people broke the silence. "That''s bloody brilliant. Make a fighting retreat to the bridge, and it''s practically pre-sapped; just cut the ropes." I did not know how to feel about a compliment coming my way from Lancaster. A second later, he made the same realization, and he got the same rectal kumquat look his father had gotten during our discussion a few days ago. "Nearly a day''s travel time cut off. Supplies are still faster via boat, but for troops..."


    Bill cut in, "I don''t know if there are enough ferries."


    Raven replied without ever looking up from her sketchbook. "There are. River''s narrower there anyway, you''d only need half of them."


    "Or you could double the width of the bridge." Lancaster actively participating in a discussion weirded me out.


    By the time we finished talking about how many boats we had in our little supply navy, how many each of them could pull per trip, and all the other details of our Pontoon Bridge Scheme, lunchtime rolled around. As Saffron and I walked toward the door, Lancaster stepped into our way.


    "What now, Larry?"


    Lancaster managed a passing imitation of his father''s ''rod-up-ass, inspire-the-army'' pose and said, "will you come with me to present your idea to my father?"


    I don''t know what came over me. Maybe I''d seen one too many classmates back at Eastside without decent father figures turn into absolute raging assholes. Not like Larry had more to look up or forward to other than infinite backhands. "My idea? Dude, this was a group project, at best. I wouldn''t have thought of it if you hadn''t explained why we don''t have a bridge there. You take it to him."


    If anything, he got stiffer. "Lying would be beneath the dignity of a Lancaster."


    I shook my head. "Doctor DeLeon, do we have class after lunch?"


    Doc DeLeon shook his head. "No, you''re to return to assist with training."


    I nodded, "you planning on waiting until after lunch or going straight to him now?"


    "This idea could be critical to the war effort! He needs to hear of it right away!"


    I shrugged and draped my arm over Saffron as suggestively as I could. "Yeah, well. You know nothing is gonna come between me and... eating. So looks like you''re flying solo on this one. Don''t lie to him, just tell him it''s an idea your class came up with, and let him draw his own conclusions. I know if he crawls up my ass about it, I''m gonna throw you under the bus and tell him it was your idea."


    With that Saffron and I slipped around him and left.


    Fuck you, Lancaster. I un-dysfunctional your family.

 Day One Hundred and Twenty Three

    Dear Diary,


    And so it begins. No, not the war. The ''Lancaster trying to take advantage of the idiot while Saffron''s not looking''.


    So today started pretty solid. Woke up early curled up with Saffron and Marie on the floor. At some point Isnomi''d climbed up into her Big Girl Bed and gone to sleep there. I quietly woke up the other two. Stealth triple tiger shenanigans for the win!


    What? Marie''s stupid stealthy, and apparently some of it''s just Being A Maenad. So if you''re gonna be doing sneaky shit and Being Marie is an option, you Be Marie. That''s just Science.


    Anyhow, we all trundled down to breakfast together, and there was much rejoicing. We got fried fish filets today along with the ubiquitous spicy eggs, jalapeno scrapple, and brown bread. The menace took one bite, power nommed the whole tray, then ran around stealing fish from everybody who had any left. Then almost belly flopped into the next tray of fish. Angel caught her and handed her over to Saffron, who claimed the squalling rugger and stood her up on her thighs.


    "Big Girls do not get their uniforms dirty." Isnomi just shot her the stink eye and pointed at the gobbo table. They''d gotten better, but the table as a whole still looked like that scene from the peter pan movie where the lost boys are having a feast. Saffron shook her head. "Just because they do not know better does not mean I will allow my daughter to be that... sloppy." Next Isnomi pointed to me where I sat with my mouth almost overflowing with Spicy Eggs, a hunk of black bread in one hand, my water pitcher in the other. Saffron shook her head again. "Does Mama have any food on her clothes?"


    Isnomi folded her arms and tried to sit down on Saffron''s plate. Saffon caught her, looked her straight in the eye, and said, "if you get your uniform dirty on purpose, you are not a Big Girl, and you will be back in diapers so fast it will make your head spin."


    The menace''s bottom lip stuck out, her eyes teared up, and she looked at me. "Mama! Ahnama bi ga! Na dapa!"


    I shrugged at her. "If you''re a Big Girl?" I reached out and booped her snoot. "Act like it. No sitting in the food."


    The lip went out further, but the teary eyes went away. She huffed. "Ah ka."


    Saffron yeeted her over to me, I caught her, and proceeded to stuff a couple spoonfuls of eggs into her mouth. Soon she wriggled out of my lap, headed for the next tray of fish. This time she stopped a few steps away, plonked her ass right down on the table, and started shoveling fish into her mouth like it was her job. Eh, fuckit. We didn''t tell her not to eat. We''re not stupid.


    Apparently our warships held the mouth of the Delaware, and there''s plenty of decent fishing down around there. Before you ask ''but what about enemy warships'', these are Philly fishermen we''re talking about. They''re not stupid enough to go sailing against ''Damn warships on their own, but when they''ve got themselves organized into a fleet, with the entire Phileo fleet backing them up? Yeah, they''re absolutely going to go dare the ''Damn Navy to fuck around and find out. From what Bill heard from his parents, who heard it from some of the crew of those ships, at least a few Trojan Horse ''Damn fishing boats tried sneaking into the fleet full of Marines. So now we''ve got a few more ships.


    Anyhow, as breakfast came to a close and we stood up, Larry came over to our table. "Cadet Diaz? Hero Lancaster needs you."


    I shrugged, gave Isnomi and Saffron each kisses, handing Isnomi to Marie and seeing Saffron off with a smack on the ass before heading up to the front table. Lancaster had a few other Cadets, Senior Cadets by their age, standing around as he gave them orders. A pair were sent to get a report from Marshall duBois and give him an update on our training progress. One was sent to get updates from Potami, another to get an update from our Quartermaster Commodore, and one to check with the Maids, apparently about travel rations. With the last of them gone, he turned to the Headmaster. "Basil, do you mind if I borrow your office?"


    Headmaster apparently Basil Miles just nodded and continued his conversation with Doc Roberts. Lancaster stood and waved for me to follow him. Hurry up and wait, plus some mild cardio in the form of walking from place to place. The real day to day of military life. We got to the Headmaster''s office, Lancaster immediately sat down in the Headmaster''s chair, then waved me to one of the seats across from it.


    I stayed standing and said, "am I about to get reamed out or something?"


    He shot me a crooked grin, "Forgive me, Councilwoman Diaz, I thought I''d made it clear to Laurence I needed to speak with you."


    That made a little more sense. I nodded and slouched down into the comfiest looking seat; while the three obviously had the same basic design, the decorations differed. One had some Celtic knotwork, another had Norse runes, and the third had bas relief figures carved into it. "So, whatcha need, Councilman?"


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    He gave me an odd look, glancing at the bas relief under the leg I''d thrown over one arm of the chair. "It''s Councilmen, actually. I hold my seat as a Hero, the Heroes'' Guild seat, and Odin''s chair." He drew a breath, clearly delineating what he''d said from what came next. "Consider this your official notice that the Council will Convene one week from now. Please pass the word on to Loki''s Councilwoman."


    "You got it, Councilmen."


    He looked a little irked that I''d actually replied, but continued. "As to that meeting, there will be at least three votes. The first will be for a conditional declaration of war, should the House of Orange send troops into our lands. I would like you to commit to voting in favor of that."


    I shrugged. "Seems to make sense, although it also sounds a little weaksauce."


    "How do you mean?"


    "That''s the biggest part of the no man''s land. If they get onto land we claim as ours, we''ve already lost."


    He nodded, looked thoughtful, and asked, "what if the condition is Orange troops crossing the original agreed upon border into our territory?"


    I nodded back, "that sounds solid. They''re probably already past it though."


    He looked at me quizzically. "You have information I lack? And haven''t told me?"


    I shook my head, "Nah. Just an intuition. I think by now they''ve already started engaging duBois and Castro."


    "Why?"


    "They''d have sent updates if the situation was static. They''d have sent requests for reinforcements if they had enough spare bodies to send one. That means the situation is fucked up. I can''t see Castro or duBois starting shit, so," I shrugged, "the ''Damn army started shit."


    "Interesting analysis. The Marshall isn''t quite so good with peacetime reports, unfortunately, so I can''t be certain, but I suspect you''re correct." He paused before continuing. "There will be another vote for an immediate declaration of war. I would like you to vote against that."


    "Why?"


    He just did his whole ''noble leader'' pose. "I have my reasons."


    "What''s the third vote?"


    "How will you be voting on the immediate declaration of war?"


    I smirked at him, "I don''t know yet, but I''ll tell you which way I''m leaning once you tell me the third vote."


    I saw a little more respect filter into his eyes. "The third vote will be to declare me Marshall. I would, of course, like your support on that."


    I nodded. "Yeah, no. I don''t think so. And that first vote isn''t going to be about the original border. You''ve got three votes already, you''re looking to parlay that into another three before we''re officially at war and duBois has as many votes as you do. I''m thinking because you want to be sure he can''t countermand you in the field. Am I right?" He just stared at me. "I mean, no hard feelings, Councilmen. I''m not offended by you pulling this kinda thing, since I think you''re doing it so you can win the war. But don''t try to con a con artist. You got the legal chops, but I don''t think you''ve ever had to bullshit somebody just to get some food in an empty belly. Also, y''know," I pointed at him, "lawyer," then jerked my thumb at my own chest, "trickster." I sat there staring at him until he opened his mouth, then cut him off. Completely rude, but I think I''m starting to get off on cutting off powerful men right before they mansplain or some shit. "Look, Councilmen, I get that you don''t want to argue with duBois while fighting the ''Damn army. On that, we''re in agreement. How about the Council votes you as the official theater commander. Still leaves the Marshall as CIC, but it means as soon as you arrive he can get his ass out of the front line, stop soldiering, and start commanding. Like maybe working up our next wave of reinforcements or something."


    By the end of that, Lancaster gave me a surprised nod. "You are more politically savvy than I expected."


    I laughed, "nah. I just thought, ''what would I do if I wanted to wreck the shit out of our own side?''."


    He frowned at me, a bit of real heat in his voice as he asked, "you would accuse me of betraying Phileo?"


    "Nah. I don''t think you can actually conceive of that. You think of you as Phileo, and I don''t see you betraying that. I can totally see you fucking up your Generalling by trying to Politic when you should be Officering, though."


    He sucked at his teeth. "I... cannot in good faith say you could not possibly be correct."


    "Yeah. So, just so we''re clear? I''m a yes on any conditional declaration, because if they do get past the army, we need to be on a war footing. I''m a yes on a straight up declaration, because I''m a straightforward kind of gal. I''m a no on you as Marshall, but if some clever sort puts in a vote to declare you official ''General'' or ''Theater Commander?'' You can put me down as a ''yes'' for that."


    "What of your wife?"


    I shrugged. "I''ll tell her about the Convenening and the votes. I expect I could convince her to vote the same way, and she might convince me I''m wrong about some of them. She''s smarter than me, but I''m better at wrecking shit."


    "Fair."


    "Anything else, Councilmen?"


    "That will be all, Councilwoman. Cadet?"


    I rolled to my feet, and before he could say anything, asked, "so, what did you think about Cadet Lancaster''s pontoon bridge idea, sir?"


    He looked doubtful. "You mean your idea?"


    I shook my head, "Nah. I just blabbed some bullshit I read about somewhere. The class came up with the idea, and Larry pretty much led the discussion. He''s his dad''s kid, sure enough."


    That got a frown rather than any kind of paternal pride, but fuck it, I tried. "Do not spread this about, but I intend to put the bridge in place."


    "Cool, cool." A thought hit my brain, almost bounced off, then wormed its way in on thoughts of fish. "Hey, do we have any Bag in Phileo or the Yards who are really good at, like, underwater work? Like, chicks with gills or dudes who can hold their breath for hours or something?"


    "Possibly."


    "If you''re going to use the bridge for a fighting retreat? Set some of those dudes underneath the bridge, and have them cut it to pieces once our guys are all off. ''Damn Army instantly becomes shitty ''Damn Marines on shittier boats, and we just take pot shots at them with our new crossbows."


    That got him. He smiled as the vision took shape in his head, then looked at me. "But the bridge itself was my son''s idea, not yours."


    "Hey, man. I don''t build stuff good, but I''ve been told I have a gift for wrecking shit. Even our shit, the moment it''s not our shit any more."


    He shook his head, waved me off, "return to Hero Potami, Cadet Diaz."


    I don''t think he intended me to notice his facepalm, or his quiet mutter of, "there are two of them."

 Day One Hundred and Twenty Four

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, it''s pretty fuckin'' petty of me to be pissed at Lancaster for interrupting my nookie schedule in the middle of a fucking war, but y''know what? I''m gonna just embrace the lime green and be pissed. Worst case I take it out on the ''Damn Army if I''m called up, right?


    So I had nothing left to go over anything with Saffron yesterday at bedtime, so when she woke me up early this morning, with the menace still snoring gently in her own bed? The last thing I wanted to do was have a goddamned discussion about politics. But I am a Mature Woman who Takes Care Of Important Business before fucking around, so when she nibbled her way down my neck, I put a hand on her back and gently kept her from going any further. "Before I forget?"


    She pulled her hands up under her chin, which gave me the sad, because they''d been just a little lower a second before. Laugh lines crinkling her eyes, she said, "so, who did you Just Happen to now?"


    I rolled my eyes. "That happened one time."


    "Twice if you count me."


    "That happened two times."


    She just smiled up at me. "You''re the one who interrupted my nefarious designs upon your supposed virtue." Her smile got wider. "Ooh, I hadn''t thought about this, but if you find yourself Just Happening to someone?"


    I couldn''t exactly pull away to give her side eye with her lying on top of me, but I tried. "Yeah?"


    I got a vision of myself doing just that, real-time. "You will let me watch."


    "Good God, woman. It''s like you want me Just Happening to someone or something."


    She shrugged. "Not really. I mean, I''ve said it before, I expect it to happen at some point, so when it does I''m not going to be surprised. Although," she paused, her brow furrowed a little, "at least do try to make sure they live up to our current standards?" She shook her head, "anyhow, I don''t want it, or rather what I''d like is for you to Just Happen to me again, but that''s impossible for obvious reasons."


    "Weren''t you just about to get some happening going on before I stopped you?"


    She shook her head. "Not the same. Don''t get me wrong, I am completely fulfilled on that score, but that first time? It, how did you put it again? It hits different. So the best I''m likely to get is vicarious voyeurism from my vivacious vixen."


    "I mean, you could Just Happen to somebody." I might have gotten a menace-worthy pouty face, but I said it.


    She shrugged, "I''m certain it''s possible, but it''s just so much less likely. Jokes about standards and self-control aside, I''m not as spontaneous a person as you are. Besides, I don''t think you''d like it."


    "But it wouldn''t be fair if you let me and I didn''t let you."


    "Have you told me no?"


    I shrugged, "No? I mean, I don''t think I have."


    "Do you want to?"


    I tossed my hands above my head, flopping them on the bed. "Well, yeah, but that''s not fair."


    "And that''s why I love you so much; no matter what Spells and such might say, you are a mature woman who will override your own nature to do what you perceive as the right thing." She put her hands on my chest and arched her back, pushing herself and twisting side to side, working the kinks out of her spine. That view combined with where she''d planted her palms drove everything resembling coherence out of my skull for a while. She looked down at me as I stared at her still-swaying sweater puppies. "So, I assume there''s a reason why we''re not having sex right now?"


    I snickered a little, and it grew into a laugh as I reached up and drew her down to me, pulling her in for a kiss. When the pleasant lip-lock ended, I sighed and said, "yeah. Council meeting next Thursday."


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    Her mouth twisted up into the cutest little pout. "Dammit. That is more important than any given instance of lovemaking."


    I snerked. "Just one instance?"


    She shot me an arch look, "just because my appetite isn''t as voracious as yours does not mean I do not desire you intensely. Should our deprivation exceed my tolerance for such, I will kill everyone in a half hour radius to get us privacy if I must."


    I shuddered at the deadpan delivery of that last. "Damn, Saff, dark as fuck much?"


    She shrugged. "If everyone insists on seeing me as the villain, I might as well take advantage of it."


    "But I don''t wanna be the villain," I whined.


    She smiled at me. "I know, love. That''s why I''d announce the minimum safe distance and give them time to run. Anyone remaining would be too stupid to live. Now, are you going to keep teasing me?"


    "Sorry, didn''t mean to." I reviewed Lancaster''s proposals and my counter-proposal. She folded her hands across my chest and leaned her chin on them while she listened.


    When I finished, she heaved a sigh, which did bad things to my resolve to be all mature and shit about this. "I hate giving Lancaster more power than he already has, but your suggestion is a good one. I doubt it will slake his power hunger, but if he seeks more power after being given that much, it will make his motives seem far less benign. Just in case he doesn''t suggest it, I''ll look up the procedure for proposing an item for voting."


    I snorted, "do we wanna try to get our vote in first? To kinda head his later vote off at the pass?"


    She sucked at her teeth a little. Just about the last thing I wanted her sucking on at the moment. "You know, that''s not a bad idea. I think you''ve got a knack for this, love."


    I shook my head, "nah. I mean, maybe, but mostly it''s just me thinking about how I''d deal with some of the shady fuckers I grew up around, with maybe a bit of thinking about how to wreck his shit in a metaphoric sense."


    She heaved an affectionate sigh. "So modest. So virtuous. My maidenhead is imperiled by your very existence."


    That got another chuckle out of me. "Don''t you have a kid?"


    "I fail to see your point."


    "Kinda living proof that your maidenhead got itself decapitated a little bit already."


    She closed her eyes, lifted her head, and pressed her palms together under her face. "I know not of what you speak. I am innocent and pure, and would never be waiting with bated breath and dripping downstairs for you to sully the pristine lady parts I''ve kept untouched for my future husband."


    I looked up at her, my jaw slowly dropping. "I''m not sure whether to laugh, pounce on you, or stare in awe that you managed to get all of that out without bursting into laughter or flames."


    She huffed a pouty little sigh and said, "I said, I am absolutely not waiting eagerly for you to despoil me and ruin my chances for a good marriage."


    I couldn''t help it, the giggles started leaking out, "oh. Oh, fuck. My sides kinda hurt from not laughing, but I swear that''s the most concentrated, ''what are you waiting for, step-brother?'' energy I''ve ever seen."


    Her pout got a little deeper, and she rolled her eyes to beseech the heavens. She opened her mouth to no doubt let out another, even more unstealthy clue about her wanting me to ravish her.


    That''s when our permanent houseguest popped up beside the bed and shouted, "tikibada!" Ladyboners slain with four syllables? Two. She snickered and slapped at my arm with one hand. "Mama! Mama!"


    "Yes, you incorrigible little menace?"


    She stared me right in the face and said, "Ma!"


    I looked at Saffron, who said, "what did you want, my tiny darling?"


    Isnomi shook her head and said, "Na ma. Mama ma. Mama, ma!" Saffron and I looked at each other, baffled, until the rug rat shouted, "Mama, ma!" again. The clue she''d been tossing at my head finally got to my brain. I Mimicked Saffron and looked over at the munchkin. "Is this what you wanted?"


    The moment I shifted, she squealed with glee and clambered up onto the bed, headbutting her way between us to latch onto me and start nursing. "Glagrrghh. That is still so fuckin'' weird."


    Saffron twisted herself around until she sat, tailor fashion, with my feet on her lap. She picked one up and rubbed at it, and between the weirdity of Isnomi nursing and the tension relief of Saffron working the soles of my feet, I kinda melted. By the time Isnomi''d had her fill, it was time to get dressed and head out for the day. After setting her on the floor to do as much dressing as she could, I muttered, "halfway ready to just up and kill the entire ''Damn Army so we could spend today filling my brain with Celtic and your virgin orifices with excessive de-virginizing."


    Saffron paused with her shirt half on, cocked her head and thought for half a second before dropping her hands, saying, "okay," and leaning back against the armoire like she had nothing better to do.


    I threw my hands in the air, abandoning my own shirt half-tied. "Aaargh! It''s like you want me to be the villain or something."


    She shrugged, waited for me to go back to dressing, then sighed and got back to dressing herself. "I won''t push you into it, love. Villain or not, I love you just the same. You declare the destination, I''ll map out the course we''ll sail."


    Yeah, right. Scary, adorable, loving little bitch probably has cases of lime green spray paint just waiting for me to drop my guard so she can villainize me. Scariest part? Knowing how easy and fun it would be to let her.

 Day One Hundred and Twenty Five

    Dear Diary,


    I grew up with the idea that governments are big monolithic things, but here and now? The personal part of things surfaces way more often.


    So a little bit before lunch Fred and I wound up cycling to the same hillside to run our units through advancing and falling back on hillsides. At one point while the troops took a rest he walked between our units and waved me over. I made sure my Sergeant knew not to let the soldiers settle too much, because we''d want to get one cycle up, down, and side to side before the mid-day break, then joined Fred on the hillside.


    "Hey Fred. What''s up?"


    He shot me a thin smile, like he wanted to hide it or something, and said, "did you really write that letter to Sister Trease?"


    It took me a minute to figure out what he was talking about. When I did I chuckled. "Yeah, I kinda did. I know I half assed it, but I was still a little pissed at the time."


    He choked off a laugh. "Holy shit, Diaz. Epic levels of disrespect there."


    "You got a problem with that?"


    He shook his head. "Trease is an utter bitch. The worst kind of Bag; the kind that buys into all the Dan bullshit about Bag. Like maybe if she abuses her own people enough they''ll throw her some scraps or something."


    Something occurred to me just then. "Wait, how did you get to read my apologies?"


    He sighed. "All the Heroes who can read and translate English were out in the field. I mean, most of them still are, and the ones who aren''t have more important shit to do right now."


    "You read and write English?"


    My brain tied itself in a knot when he said, "Yeah, don''t you?" In English. Which my brain for some reason translated to Spanish, even while I understood it, mostly. So fuckin'' weird.


    I stuttered for a little bit before replying, "Yeah. Yeah, I do."


    "I gotta know; did you write them in English just so you could drop that letter on Trease with none the wiser?"


    I shook my head, "no." I took a deep breath. "I can''t write in Celtic. Well, I couldn''t. I''m learning. Saffron''s a really good teacher. But I sure as shit couldn''t then."


    "Huh." He shrugged. "Still cool anyhow. Are you English?"


    "I dunno. Maybe a little on my dad''s side? But nothing I can be sure about."


    We stood there silently for a while after that, just watching the troops catching their breath. "Yeah. Trease? Steps her bitch up a notch for English Bag," Fred muttered, half under his breath.


    I slapped a hand on his shoulder. "Stay strong, man. Worst she can do to you is bitch at your house... father? If she gets out of hand, let me know. I''ll talk to her."


    He smiled at my choice of words. "That''s totally not what his title is. And it''s also totally what we call him when he''s not listening. Thanks."


    Then we got back to it. Charge up the hill. Charge down the hill. Back up the hill. Back down the hill. Advance and retreat along the side of the hill. All ''good training''. In other words, a royal pain in the ass. Then again, I figure this was one of those things that might never come up, but if it did, you''d be glad you''d trained for it. Lancaster might be the world''s biggest dick, but the more I thought about it, the more I suspected he was also the world''s most competent asshole.


    So prior to today lunchtime involved the Cadets dismissing the Volunteers for two hours, rushing in to cram food, then coming back out to train. Not so much, today, and it came as a total surprise to everyone.


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    "Attention Heroes, Cadets, and Volunteers. Please assemble on the lawn to the northwest of the Loading Docks." Headmaster Miles'' voice rolled over the lawns, loud enough to be heard over the sounds of men marching up and down the hill, their spears and shields clashing. I looked over to Fred, who shrugged. We guided our units to march back to the nearby Loading Docks side by side. While nobody''d ever told us to form our formations up into bigger formations, it just seemed kinda natural, what with duBois'' repeated comments about formations being force multipliers.


    We got to the rally point along with the others who''d been working on hillside training. Shortly thereafter Saffron''s group and the other units training with crossbows ambled in; they''d been down shooting at targets on floating buoys. Way less likely to shoot a friendly when the nearest one was across the river and up a hill, and way easier to collect missed shots when they floated. While I suspected Vulcan''s bolts were made of sterner stuff, the mass produced bolts for the mass produced crossbows were steel-tipped wood. They wouldn''t drive through a solid rock wall, but they''d punch a hole in pretty much any armor a person was likely to be wearing, or any shield they''d likely be carrying. Finally, the units doing spear training and the ones doing endurance training arrived at just about the same time. The spear trainers didn''t train in formation, and the endurance trainers had been further away.


    The doors to the Loading Docks swung open, and the Maids advanced, pushing their carts ahead of them. All but one of the carts had been piled high with stacks of sandwiches nearly as tall as the Maids themselves. The one exception, right smack dab in the middle of the formation of Maids? Marie, whose cart had half as many sandwiches, but a very recognizable Isnomi clinging to a short flagpole that she braced against the top of the cart. Flying from it, from top to bottom, was a flag with the Academy Crest, a flag with two vertical cobalt blue stripes separated by a canary yellow one, and the Camden Yards flag. Isnomi wore her new tiara and cummerbund, and waved the flag back and forth for all she was worth. I''d practiced for color guard back in ROTC, and my old DI would have given her shit about that, but y''know what? Fuck him.


    Okay, nah, I knew him, he''d probably be showing her how to do it right. He never got nasty with us until after he''d shown us how and we''d fucked it up. Kind of like that British chef guy; hell on Earth to adults claiming to be chefs, but really nice with kids.


    The carts pulled up and the troops cheered when the Maids forked over the food. Okay, some of them near the middle started cheering when they saw the menace with her flag.


    Okay, I started cheering when I saw that, and I''ve got no idea when anybody else really did.


    When Marie pushed the cart up to our group, I stepped up to Isnomi and reached out to scoop her up. She skipped away from me, nearly taking a header off the far side of the cart, hollering, "Na! Na! Fag! Fag!" I got it just as she let loose and pointed up at her flags, nearly losing control of them as she did. I caught the bottom of the pole and helped her get it back in place, then held out my arms.


    "Can Momma hug you at least?" She gave me a little bit of hairy eyeball, like she expected me to try scooping her up anyhow, but eventually stepped back to the spot she''d started. Careful not to disturb her flag, I put my arms around her and leaned into the hug, whispering, "momma''s so proud of you, my little color guard."


    Right about then Lancaster Senior cut through my moment, obviously annoyed as he asked, "What is that flag?"


    I ruffled Isnomi''s hair a little, then turned around to see him standing just outside of Marie''s reach. Asshole yes, stupid no. "Well, sir, from top to bottom, that''d be the Academy Crest, the Phileo City flag, and the Camden Yards flag.


    He took a deep breath and said, "I know that, Cadet. Why is the Camden Yards flag on that pole?"


    Before I could decide whether to throw shade or just kick him in the nuts or something, Saffron came to my rescue. "Because while flying it has been unofficially discouraged, Camden Yards has never been officially absorbed into Phileo City. Probably because that would require Phileo City to invest in Camden Yards'' infrastructure, rather than just collecting taxes and tariffs and tributes. By the letter of the treaty, Camden Yards has the right to fly their own flag, so long as it does not fly higher than that of Phileo City. Which, as you can clearly see, it does not." She stepped forward, snagging one of the sandwiches and handing it to Isnomi, who handed me her flagpole while she two handed it and nommed it down. I swear I caught glimpses of metal in her mouth, but given what I''d seen happen to Gungnir, I had no intention of putting my hands in there unless she showed signs of distress.


    Saffron leaned in close to Lancaster as he was about to say something, and quietly said, "its existence and the order of those flags is also why you''ve got twice as many troops as you expected, with all the extras being used to getting jobs done despite hardship and deprivation, General."


    That put him on pause for another minute while I scooped up sandwiches and handed them out to my unit, then waved them off so another unit could come up and get served. Finally, he turned to Isnomi, nodded, and said, "Excellent work, little flag bearer. Carry on."


    She, of course, swallowed the last of her sandwich, smiled at him, then let loose a burp that echoed off the back wall of the Academy.


    He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Your child, I''m assuming, Cadet Diaz?"


    "Ayep."


    "Of course she is." He moved closer, grabbed himself a sandwich, and walked down the row of troops. As he did, I heard him mutter, "three. There are three of them now."

 Day One Hundred and Twenty Six

    Dear Diary,


    Why is it the things that most make me want to get medieval on Lancaster Senior are the things that prove he''s the Right Guy For The Job of running the army in a fashion least likely to cause bodily injury to Saffron.


    I mean, yeah, I care about other people getting hurt? In an abstract kind of fashion? If Lancaster said, ''go fuck up the ''Damn army to keep your friends out of danger'', I''d probably do it and feel good about it? But I don''t think I''d get ''put the fear of me into every person on the planet'' the way I do with Saffron, y''know?


    Okay, definitely with Isnomi. Fuck, wouldn''t be fair to do it for Isnomi and not The Smith. I need to find another name for him that doesn''t sound like a Morrissey band. If I''m gonna do that for him, I''m sure as hell gonna do it for Sigyn and her biggest fanboi.


    Fuck. How the fuck am I the villain when my whole reason for Global Thermonuclear Panty Wetting Terror is protecting my loved ones?


    Anyway, I wound up back on weapons training duty today, and thought I was gonna have some Fun with Projectile Weapons. I marched today''s unit through the armory that had been set up at one end of the Loading Docks; we pulled four shields, four spears, and twelve crossbows with a dozen bolts for each. We all marched down to the riverside and lined up, the four biggest guys in front with shields braced on the ground, spears braced on the shields. I mean, yeah, nobody expected anybody to come charging out of the river, but you practice the way you''re gonna fight. That thought gave me a bit of a bitchy idea and had my front line guys pull one of the Academy''s rowboats over and set up on top of it.


    Right about then Lancaster called out from behind the unit. "Cadet Diaz!"


    I turned to see him standing next to Larry. "Yes, sir?"


    "Swap with Cadet Lancaster." I sighed. Life sucks, and then this asshole gets all nepotistic. "Cadet Diaz, why do you have your front line standing on an upturned boat?"


    I sure as fuck didn''t want to give away my cool idea, but I recited my mantra of ''I am a Mature Woman who doesn''t do Petty Shit'' to myself, then said, "Hill training, sir. No depressions here at the riverside, but this way the guys can get used to shooting braced on the front line''s shoulders, or however they''ve got to do in order to hit a target when the front line is at the edge of a rise."


    Lancaster Senior just smirked at me as I handed my crossbow to Larry and took the spear he handed me. "That''s a bit of an edge case, isn''t it?"


    It took me a second, and when it hit I nearly dropped my fuckin'' spear. "Was that a pun, sir?"


    He sneered at me, and I couldn''t tell if it was real or faked, even when he said, "a Lancaster is above such coarse things as humor. Especially puns, which are the lowest form of humor." Then he spoiled my impending bitch fit by moving his hands through a Messaging Shape and saying, "attention to all units training in crossbow marksmanship. Observe Cadet Lancaster''s unit," here he Shaped a fire bolt straight up into the fuckin'' sky, in case anybody couldn''t tell where he was. "today during training improvise a low rise for your front line, in order to practice maintaining fire while cresting a ridge or other obstacle."


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    With that he turned and walked away, motioning for me to follow as he did so. "I expect that sour look on your face is a result of giving Laurence your unit for the day?"


    I shrugged. "Was kinda lookin'' forward to playing with a crossbow for a bit."


    He sighed and nodded. "I expected as much. Since other than your sour look, which I can and will excuse on the basis of your clever addition to our training regimen, you followed orders with alacrity, I will explain while we walk. First and foremost, I expect Laurence to both be and need to be more skilled with crossbows than you. Do you know why?"


    Trying not to sound like I''d just sucked on the southbound end of a northbound lemon, I said, "because he''s your son, sir?"


    He shook his head, but shrugged while he did it. "While not untrue, it''s also irrelevant. While Laurence has studied the blade since he was your daughter''s age, he does not have the body mass to have the kind of impact he would like to have on the field of battle. In a duel, he is marginally competent, or I wouldn''t have allowed him his own sword. On a battlefield? As a swordsman he would be a marginal asset at best. On the other hand, he is probably the most accurate archer among my sons, and these new bows your wife has developed have mitigated both his lack of strength and his height. Pushing him into training with crossbows as much as possible is a way to maximize his battlefield contribution."


    I tried to hold in my sigh, but some of it leaked out. "Yeah. I guess I can see that, sir."


    "But you still feel I''m being unfair."


    I shrugged. He said it. "Kinda."


    He nodded. "If I were to order you to kill Sister Trease, what would you do?"


    "Before or after asking you why the fuck I''m killing someone on our side?"


    His turn to hide a sigh. "If I were to tell you Sister Trease was a traitor, and her next move was to harm your daughter, what would you do?"


    I tensed up, barely keeping myself from popping out a pair of Mana Blades. "Please, sir, is this situation entirely hypothetical?"


    He nodded. "It is, and yet even so your first thought was to melee weapons. At no point in your planned rampage did you intend to pick up a bow, did you?"


    I shrugged. "Didn''t plan on it. Unless she knows how to fly or some other crazy shit I probably wouldn''t, either." I thought about it for a split second before continuing. "Hell, even then I''m just gonna Fire Bolt her whole area."


    "And there is your answer, Cadet. My son Laurence, similar to your wife, is a precision weapon. A stiletto, a rapier, perhaps even a crossbow. You, on the other hand, are a blunt instrument. A fist. A mace. A zweih?nder. Perhaps a catapult. Both precision weapons and blunt instruments have their uses, but each must be used appropriately to maximize effectiveness." He half turned to face me as we neared the Academy Loading Docks. "Do you understand why I am focusing your own training on leading melee units?"


    I couldn''t keep my disappointment out of my voice, but I wasn''t about to lower myself to lie to Lancaster Senior. "Yes, sir." I managed to force those words out, but after that I couldn''t help myself. His explanation made perfect sense, but the snark must flow. "Aw, c''mon. If I''m gonna be a ranged weapon, can''t I at least be a trebuchet?"


    "A what now?"


    Someday. Someday I promise I will learn to keep my fuckin'' mouth shut. Ah, who the hell am I kidding. Time to do some more Black Swan shit.


    Least it''s not more Lime Green shit.

 Day One Hundred And Twenty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    Day by day I come to regret my lack of brain-to-mouth filter more and more. Okay, apparently it''s part of what''s gotten me Saffron and Marie, so I can''t regret it too much, but still.


    So after yesterday I answered Lancaster Senior''s question with, "Siege Weapon.", he nodded, then waved me back to train with one of the spear units. I might have pushed them a little hard, but I scored them two sandwiches each at lunch time by blatantly trading on my connection to the ladies making the delivery, so I don''t think they hate me too much.


    I even got a rush of brains to the head after lunch and didn''t pick the pace back up to ''murderous'' until after they''d had around two hours to digest. Retching might have been involved by the end of the day, but nobody puked up lunch. See? Your girl can learn.


    Learn to be a sadistic bitch, but that''s still learning, right?


    Anyhow, after dismissing them for the evening I stumbled on back only to find we''d been ''rewarded'' with steaks for dinner. When I saw Marie rolling up with ours, I skipped out of my seat and interrupted her. "Hey gorgeous, are those steaks well done?" She just shrugged. "Like, are they brown in the middle?" At that she got a booger look and nodded. I leaned in, waving her down until her mouth hovered near my ear. "It''s okay. Totally not your fault that some of these folks don''t know how to treat a good steak. Could you bring me and Saffron rare ones? Maybe do the same for the rest of the table?"


    "Rare?" she growl-whispered.


    I nodded, low-key reveling in the feel of her fur against my ear. "Rare, like still pink or red in the middle. Not uncooked, just warm and pink rather than brown and tough."


    She made a speculative growl, then nodded, straightened, and walked off to deliver her current cartload to the gobbo table. When I got back to the ROTC table the others gave me weird looks. Angel straight up glared at me and growled, "why are we waiting on our food again?" Then her stomach let out a growl even louder than that. Not surprising; that much muscle must take hella calories to fuel.


    "Do you trust me?"


    She just gave me the best ''really, Diaz?'' look I''ve seen in a while, then shook her head and tossed me a loaf of bread. I took the hint, made insta-toast, and handed it back for her to start crunching her way through. No idea why she didn''t butter it, but different strokes, I guess.


    Fifteen minutes later Marie rolled back up and delivered us each a nice steak, along with a few trays of Salisbury steaks for the table at large. When Angel took a bite out of hers, she gave me a look, chewed, and swallowed. Meanwhile I was taking my time with mine, tearing off big pieces, but then chewing them until the flavor was gone before swallowing. Once Angel had her mouth clear, she said, "how did... why does this taste better?"


    I shrugged, swallowed, and said, "jerky should have spices, and steak should have juices."


    She gave me another look, but nommed her way through her own steak. Weird unspoken cannibalism vibes aside, she seemed like she enjoyed it. Bill loved his. Saffron wound up losing half of hers to the Bottomless Pit known as Isnomi. Instant Karma hit me while I was laughing at her, because the menace took that opportunity to nom the rest of mine, too. The only two who didn''t appreciate the rare steaks were Bonita and Fred; rather than forcing Marie to make more runs, I just had them hand over their trays, Mana Bladed their steaks into little cubes, and handed them back.


    Raven looked at Bonita and asked, "aww, did you need Momma to cut your steak up into bite sized pieces for you?"


    "At least I don''t have blood all over my chin."


    Raven took that opportunity to take another big bite of her steak, smile as wide as she could, and squeeze the meat against the inside of her teeth so the juice sprayed out and dripped down her face.


    I''m not normally weak stomached, but that skeeved me just a little, and Bonnie''s comment had annoyed the piss out of me already. "By Loki''s sumptuous equine ass, can you two please keep things civil long enough for the rest of us to finish eating?"


    Raven gulped her chunk of meat down not unlike her namesake and said, "but you never finish eating?"


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    "Your point?"


    Right around then my head filled with my Patron''s voice. My sumptuous what now?


    Oh, please. Tell me it wasn''t extra enough that Svadilfari would and did have to fight for it.


    Fair point.


    Fred chimed in, "thank you for cutting my meat, Momma!"


    Before I could even reply to that, Angel, Bill, and Saffron chorused, "thank you for our steaks, Momma!"


    I headdesked, forgetting for a moment that my plate still had a liberal coating of steak juice and gravy. I sat back up, blinking, only to have Isnomi straight up lick my face clean while I spluttered and everybody else laughed. When she finished, she hugged my face and said, "da gu, Mama!"


    How in the living, ever-loving fuck did I wind up Team Mom? I mean, seriously, how the fuck did that happen when the team includes an actual, bona-fide, pushed a small human out of her hoo-hah Mom?


    Meh. Maybe my mystic mom magic might mess up my lime green motion.


    After we got back to our room Marie swung around for bath time. After we''d all toweled off, Grandma swung around because she''d been missing Isnomi, and carried the menace away wrapped in a towel for a sleepover with great-Grandma. The moment the door clicked shut, Marie and Saffron made it very clear that it was party time in the Aetos-Diaz cell, and I was the party favor. Oh, no! Anyway.


    The whole hillside lake dream has been getting progressively weirder and more annoying. The psychedelic tadpoles have made their way up the wannabe stream running under me, and now along with poking at the bits of me in the water they''re doing the same thing to my undercarriage. Which might have been interesting if they''d been in ''sexy feels'' mode, but just got weird since they seem pretty devoted to ''kiss it make it better'' mode. Still, it made the generally itchy situation over by the rocky bits a little more tolerable. I know, you''re thinking, ''if the rocks are itchy, why don''t you just move away from them?'' I sure as fuck was, until I woke up and remembered that it''s a fuckin'' dream, and who the fuck knows what happens why in there.


    Hell, I barely understand what''s going on in my head while I''m awake; you expect me to figure it out when I''m asleep?


    We all woke up to a bedraggled runner who completely ignored my lack of clothes to mutter out, "Cadet Diaz?"


    "That''s me."


    "Hero Lancaster would like to see you at your earliest convenience."


    "Shit. Okay. Thanks for the message." She''d already turned and left the moment I acknowledged my new orders.


    I shut the door and turned to Saffron. "Hey Kitten? Could you do me a favor?"


    She groaned, expressing her thoughts on waking up in general.


    I walked over to the armoire, leaned into the Workshop, and called out, "son, can I have a moment of your time?"


    He popped up right in front of me, I valiantly didn''t piss myself when I flinched, and he replied, "of course, Mother dearest!"


    Too much perky much too early in the morning.


    "Do you have two pieces of wood I can borrow? Like, twelve inches long, one inch wide, eighth to quarter inch thick, one springy, one not?"


    He looked thoughtful for a second, then asked, "are you going to break them?"


    I shook my head, "I''m not intending to. So, y''know, something decently strong."


    He nodded, "just a moment." He disappeared, then popped back up holding two school-ruler-sized pieces of wood.


    "Those look perfect, son. Thank you." He handed them over and I did a quick test; one flexed nicely, the other bent about as much as Vulcan''s bolts. I reached out and, after thinking about his likely reaction to having his head patted, just lay a hand on his cheek. "They are perfect. Thank you again, son."


    He got a freaky wide-eyed look, then bowed at the waist and said, "anything for you, Mother dearest."


    I stumbled back into the room, grabbed my cold iron coins, and walked over to the desk. Marie sat on the bed, massaging Saffron''s shoulders. Saffron sat on Marie''s lap, eyes closed "Okay, I need you to help explain Trebuchets to Lancaster before breakfast."


    "Leonard or Laurence."


    "Leonard. Why the fuck would I get you up early and forgo canoodling for Laurence."


    She cracked her eyes open to slits and said, "fair point, but that means I have to come up with something cleverer than ''fuck you, Cadet Lancaster''. What the fuck is a trebuchet?"


    I sighed, "that''s the toughest part. I really don''t know that much about them."


    She managed to growl out, "so tell me what you remember."


    I grinned halfheartedly. "I can show you this time. I remember this from a cross-class lesson once. Science and History." I held the springy ruler against the side of the desk with like ten inches sticking up over the edge and said, "catapult." Then I held one of the Cold Iron coins at the top, pulled the ruler back, and let go. The coin flew across the room, bouncing off the padding near the bottom of the opposite wall before landing on the floor with a thump.


    Saffron growled out, "that is a terrible excuse for a catapult. Go on."


    "Yeah, yeah, yeah, just remember this is an even shittier excuse for a trebuchet." I lay the stiff ruler down atop the desk with maybe two inches sticking off the side. I set one of the coins on its side atop the end of the ruler on the desk, then climbed up onto the chair, then the desk. I held the third coin directly above the end of the ruler sticking out over the edge of the table, then said, "trebuchet," and dropped the coin. The coin hit the ruler, lever things happened, and the other coin narrowly missed my face before bouncing off the ceiling, the far wall, and the back of Marie''s hand. Somehow Marie managed to catch it with the backs of her fingers before it slapped Saffron in the side of the head.


    I watched as her eyes slid open, her mouth curving into the Grin as they did. "I''m sorry, beloved. Unless it''s earlier than I think, Lancaster will have to wait a bit for his explanation."


    Eep. Guess I''d failed to realize that particular bit about showing Saffron an entirely new type of siege weapon. Ammosexual wife for the win?

 Day One Hundred And Twenty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    Okay, so after explaining the basics of the trebuchet to Lancaster Senior yesterday, Saffron and I wound up missing breakfast entirely. I know I''m forgetting something about them, but I managed to remember that they use an actual hinge, and the short end of the throwing arm usually has a big basket full of rocks or something else heavy.


    We spent the bulk of the day doing weapons drills. Endless fucking weapons drills. Kinda funny, but wound up having a weird conversation on the way back from depositing our squads'' weapons back in the armory.


    "Dammit. I really wish I could get some Crossbow time in. They look hella fun."


    Saffron sighed and shook her head. "Not as fun as Vulcan. Not as easy to use, either."


    "That would be why I want to get some practice in."


    "It''s not all it''s cracked up to be." Of all people, I didn''t expect Larry to be agreeing with Saffron. Then again, he was disagreeing with me, so maybe that balanced out?


    I thought about how badly his dad treated him and held in my snark long enough to say, "hey, at least you get to play with them a little."


    He shook his head. "That''s all I''m doing. Playing. My father doesn''t see any worth in me, so he''s relegated me to the back lines."


    I sighed, breathing out the word, "dumbass."


    Of course he heard it. "What did you say, Bag?"


    "That you''re a dumbass. Your dad put you in the crossbow units because with crossbows your aim matters more than your height. He thinks you''re more useful there."


    He put a hand on my shoulder. Not violently, but insistently. "How do you know that?"


    I shrugged his hand off. "Because he told me so." I didn''t want to continue, but fuck it. Maybe undysfunctionaling the Lancasters might increase Saffron''s odds of survival just an erg. Worth some words while we walked to the Dining Hall at any rate. "Also, and I''m not gonna say he told me this part, because he didn''t, but I want Saffron as far back in the lines as I can get her because I care about her. Maybe your dad thinks you''ll have a late growth spurt or something. Or maybe he''s not quite as colossal a dick as he appears and he actually cares about you because he''s your father. I mean, yeah, I wouldn''t bet on it, because he is a colossal abusive dick, but you can dream, right?"


    He just stood there, unmoving. Eventually, just before Saffron and I turned to go, I noticed some water dripping from his chin. It didn''t look like sweat. Poor fuckin'' runty bastard.


    As we got into the Academy proper and put a wall between us and him, I muttered, "When the fuck have I become Team Mom to the fuckin'' Barbie Brigade? Why the fuck have I become Team Mom to the fuckin'' Barbie Brigade?"


    Saffron spun around, the back of one forearm going to her forehead, falling gracefully across my front, forcing me to scoop her up into a princess carry. "Alas, while I recruited another to assist me with my lover''s rapacious sexual demands, my sole offspring is not sufficient to fulfill her motherly needs!"


    I laughed as I carried her up the stairs. "So you''re saying you''re feeling the need to be impregnated or something?"


    She snorted. "Hardly. Besides, how would we manage that?"


    How could I leave such an obvious deliberate straight line untouched? "Loki powers activate!" I looked down at her from beneath Lancaster''s artfully shaggy blond locks. She mostly-fake shrieked and tried to squirm out of my arms until I switched from Larry to Lachlan.


    At that point she folded her arms across her chest and pouted. "Better, but still no."


    "Picky, picky, picky."


    "I mean, you could try you as a boy."


    Can''t really do someone I haven''t ever seen.


    She flopped face first into my chest. Did you just forget your excuse for being able to shapeshift isn''t actually an excuse?


    "Oh, right." I suddenly knew why guys adjusted so often. Exterior plumbing apparently folds unpleasantly. After a few moments as guy-me, I went back to normal-me.


    "Aww. You were cute."


    I looked down at her. "I''m not cute now?"


    "Well, yeah, but different cute."


    I shrugged. "This cute can''t get you preggers."


    She nodded, "true, and right now being pregnant wouldn''t be a wise choice."


    "I mean, might get you out of combat duty."


    Her gaze locked with mine, "why would it do that."


    "Really?"


    She nodded.


    You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.


    "Fuck."


    She nodded again. "Indeed. But not with either of us as a boy, at the moment."


    "So you want another later?"


    She shook her head, shuddering a little. "I might want any number of stupid or insane things. But at this moment? No, I don''t think I will."


    Dinner was good; apparently somebody''d killed a whole herd of fatted calves, because we got steak again. All of us but Bonnie and Fred got ours rare, and theirs really looked and smelled more ''medium well'' than ''well done'', but it was un-pink enough for them to enjoy it, so it''s all good.


    This morning Isnomi woke us up drumming on our desk with my trebuchet demonstration sticks. Little bit monotonous, but the kids got rhythm, at least.


    Saffron and Lancaster got to spend all day today firing round after round at the buoys in the river, while I wound up assigned to take units through endless laps of the Boulevard. When I say endless, I mean endless, too, at least for me. I figured when the guys started flagging I''d do another lap then let everybody have a rest, but the moment we hit the end of the lap, Big Poppa Leonard showed up with another unit for me to take running.


    I mean, I get it, I do, there''s no way any batch of Volunteers is gonna run me into the ground, and it''s not like I''ve got awesome spear skills to pass on to the troops. But this? This I can do like nobody else. So I did. Lap after lap, leading the jody calls, swapping out units every time they ran out of steam. Lunchtime came, and when I went to pull in for a pitstop? Fucking Potami showed up with another fucking unit. I threw my hands in the air and shot her a ''what the fuck, Potami?'' look, but she just pointed back to the Boulevard. As she nommed down a fuckin'' sandwich.


    "God dammit. When do I get a fuckin'' break?" I muttered as I took my position in the new unit and started on yet another half-remembered jody call. "I don''t know but I been told!"


    "I don''t know but I been told," my new guys chorused.


    "Bein'' soaked in sweat gets mighty old."


    Half of them laughed when they responded, but they did respond, even as I pushed them into a run. Right about then Loki''s voice filled my head. Champion? May I?


    Whatever you think will help, Boss. I just run laps. This is my life now.


    A familiar cool feeling washed over me, and if I didn''t really stop sweating, at least I had way less cloth soaking it up and keeping it against my skin. Also, I realized right then that I''d worn the soles out of my uniform boots, as my traction went from ''yeah, sorta'' to ''abso-fuckin''-lutely''. My unit cheered, and the weird thing? I didn''t get even a little bit of a catcall vibe out of it.


    On the next lap? I saw Potami had a whole line of units doing basic spears-up movement drills while waiting for their turn on the Boulevard. The woman herself? Shot me a full on Grin of Approval, no Tiny about it. I mean, maybe she just wanted me to see it without slowing down or getting off the track, but it still felt pretty good.


    Round and round the track I went. I''d lost count of how many laps I''d done mid-morning, and by midafternoon I knew I''d started repeating Jody calls some time around then, but nobody called me on it, so fuck it.


    I ran until it got dark, Potami taking the last unit off my hands to go check in their equipment, leaving me standing at the bottom of the steps walking in little circles. I did not want to find out how bad I would freeze up if I didn''t do a proper cool down. After a little bit, Lancaster Senior walked down the steps and joined me. "Walk with me."


    I shrugged and followed.


    "Do you know why I had you doing this today?"


    I shrugged again. "Permission to speak freely?"


    He didn''t look at me, he just chuckled and said, "when have you ever needed permission for that, High Priestess?"


    "Okay, fine. You had me doing it because you''re a sadistic fuck just like your God?"


    He sucked at his teeth, and his whole posture got a whole lot less friendly, but then he shook his head and unclenched. "I suppose I can see where you''d think that, but no."


    I thought about it for a bit, then went with my earlier assumption, "because I''m the only one who can?"


    A quick Gallic shrug, followed by, "I''m sure at least one or two Heroes could have run all day like you did. Perhaps even matching your pace, which I will note was impressive for a Hero, let alone a Freshman Cadet. Although if you''re not talking about running, you''re not far wrong."


    "Yeah, I think you lost me?"


    He nodded. "Not surprising. I think I''ve mentioned, you are a blunt instrument. But if you would not mind me speaking to Cadet Diaz for a moment?"


    I shrugged, "I''d take my hat off, but I don''t have one, and I think people would get the wrong idea if I take my panties off. Go for it, Cadet Diaz at your service, sir."


    For a moment he shook his head and stared at the ground. Then he glanced over at me. "I didn''t expect to take Cadets along on this expedition. The only reason I will be doing so is how many Volunteers you recruited. From what I''m given to understand, there are still more Volunteers showing up every day."


    "Yeah, makes sense."


    If my flippant reply annoyed him, he didn''t let it show. "That means once the Grand Army of Phileo and Camden leaves for the front, there will be more troops to train. While it is my fervent hope that upon seeing our overwhelming forces, the New Amsterdam leadership chooses to negotiate for peace, it would be foolish indeed for me to plan for that."


    Fucker already acted like he was the one in charge of everything. I''d looked it up; technically Headmaster Miles was in charge of training in duBois'' absence. Yeah, he''d pretty much handed the duty off, but I kinda thought that was more to keep Lancaster Senior too busy to do too much in the way of political shenanigans. "Okay, so, the Freshman Cadets are going to keep training troops?"


    He nodded, "and, should the need arise, lead them to join us."


    "Okay, so what does that have to do with me running endless laps?"


    "In that dress?"


    "The dress matters?"


    He actually smiled, which had me getting just a little pissed. I mean yeah, being the biggest fucking distraction in the world was one of Loki''s obvious intents putting me in this damn thing, but that didn''t mean I enjoyed the idea of the image of me in The Dress entering Lancaster Senior''s private spank bank. "Yes, it does. You are likely one of the more visible Cadets in that dress; even among Heroes, only a few will stand out as much as you in that dress. As such, everyone will know when you and our reinforcements have arrived."


    Gotta admit, that had me a little confused. "Uh, okay?"


    "If we must call you up, it will mean we have not overwhelmed our enemies. In fact, I will not call for you unless we need those troops. Unless we will lose without them. Which means that when you arrive, we will be losing."


    Shit started to come together in my head. "Morale?"


    He turned that ''leader of men'' smile on me, and fuck me, but I responded nearly as much as I did to Tiny Potami Grins of Approval. "Exactly! By the time we leave, I want every Volunteer in our army to know you and that dress on sight, and to know, have experienced personally, just how unstoppable you are. When they see our reinforcements arrive, I do not want them to despair because we''ve had to call on our reserves. I want them to rejoice, because their salvation is at hand."


    I huffed out a sigh, trying to free my brain from his charismatic bullshit. "Yeah, no pressure or anything. I just gotta save everybody, right?"


    He scoffed. I''d never heard an actual scoff before. Weird. "Of course not. Your presence, combined with the reputation you are building now? Is what will allow them to save themselves."


    God dammit. Why the hell does this giant asshole have to actually make sense?

 Day One Hundred And Twenty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    So apparently me being a forgetful moron has consequences. Fortunately, according to people who matter, I''m cute, so I get away with shit I shouldn''t. Or, really, they let me pay for my mistakes rather than cutting me off like moldy cheese.


    So the morning started, like they do, with Isnomi terrifying everyone in the room.


    Not sure what exactly woke me up. Maybe some weird noises, maybe Marie going all tense where she''d curled up around Saffron and I. Isnomi, of course, had crawled her little butt off to her toddler bed, because demonstrating her Big Girl status had thus far proved to be more of a draw than being the center of the cuddle puddle. I gave it another week at most before she wormed her way back into the pile, but I wasn''t gonna push her either way.


    So I''m lying there, trying to get my head on straight after a night of psychedelic tadpoles in my nethers, when I hear a suspicious clunk. Now, lately I reply to suspicious morning clunks with kid-show-voice, because the little one eats that shit up as fast as any precocious one-year-old, but something about this one didn''t quite sit right. I paid more attention to the next clunk, trying to figure out why the first one had hit my inner alarm buttons. That''s when I realized that the clunk came from near the ceiling. From the top of the armoire, to be precise.


    I leapt out of bed, spilling a yowling Marie and a squeaking Saffron to the floor. One more hop and I yoinked the menace off the top of the armoire. Of course, she didn''t come alone, what with her having one hand trying to push Vulcan''s case open and the other grabbing at something inside. Isnomi, Vulcan, and I came tumbling down; I curled around her and braced myself. Vulcan''s metal and his case''s wood bounced off my back hard enough to leave bruises, but the real pain came from where I''d curled around Isnomi, as something stabbed into my gut and lodged there. I tried not to make any noise, because I didn''t want the menace to think I was mad at her, screaming at her, but I think a little whimper escaped. I''m not sure, though, because after a moment of shocked silence when everything settled, Isnomi started wailing.


    I uncurled, trying to make my groan of pain even a little bit comforting, and that''s when I saw the blood. All over me, all over her. She gulped in air, let out another blubbering cry of pain and fear, and blood spattered all over my front. Without thinking about it, I Shaped Mana into a Treat Injury and released it into her. Her mouth glowed a little, and she got the worst booger look I''d ever seen on her face, and then she started screaming again. "Mama! Mama! Na! Na!" She slapped at me as she did it, and one of those slaps tagged the bolt still stuck in the general vicinity of my spleen. I tried not to scream at that point, but I''m really not sure whether I did or not. Some blacking out might have occurred.


    The next thing I knew long, strong claws grasped my shoulder and rolled me onto my back. Whatever wonderful properties Vulcan and his case might have, ''comfortable mattress'' wasn''t among them. I met Marie''s gaze and held Isnomi up to her. I managed to force out, "check her," then curled back around my belly. I''d heard being gut-shot or knifed in the belly hurt, but I''d never experienced it before. Not something I''d ever had on my bucket list, either, but here we are.


    I heard Saffron say, "no, I trust you to take care of her," followed by a series of metallic clicks and soft fabric sounds. Shortly after that, Saffron rolled me back onto my back again, only this time I lay braced by Marie''s floor-bed. Saffron laid one hand along the side of my face and gazed into my eyes. "Tabitha? How are you tracking?"


    I grit my teeth for a second, then managed to mutter, "fuck this hurts."


    She nodded, then slipped a piece of rope into my mouth from side to side. "Hold still, it''s going to hurt worse for a moment."


    Then it did. Holy fuck did it ever. I didn''t bite through the rope in my mouth, but I''m pretty sure I got partway through it. A moment later silence and the absence of light washed through me, leaving fading numbness in its wake. A few moments later I heard, "please clean this, make sure the blood is thoroughly denatured and washed away."


    Then Isnomi crawled into my arms, weeping, "mama. Mama. Pese Mama."


    I stroked her head, my fingers tangling in her tiny baby curls. "It''s okay, Menace. I''m okay. It''s okay." I held her as Saffron wrapped her arms around both of us, sheltering the menace in between us. Once she settled, I pulled back enough that we could all see each other. "I''m okay, Isnomi, but I might not have been, if Ma hadn''t been so quick to wake up and fix me. Or if she had woken up instead of me, and got stabbed. Or if it stabbed one of us in the heart, or the head. Or if it stabbed you." The entire time I spoke, her eyes got wider and wider. Right when she hit the edge of blubbering, I paused. "Do you understand that Vulcan is not a toy?"


    She nodded, but a tiny bit of mulishness crept into her eyes and she blurted out, "ba... bada na bak"


    "I don''t know what you think your brother has to do with this, but he isn''t ''in a box''. The door to his room is in the armoire, but he''s not in a box."


    She pouted at me, that annoyed pout that got closer to ''what the fuck, Diaz'' the older she got. "Na tikibada, Bada. Bak bada na bak!"


    I looked up at Saffron, but she just shrugged at me, "you''re the one who almost understands her most of the time. I eagerly await the day her teeth come in enough for her to enunciate properly."


    "Yeah, you''ll be less thrilled when she still wants to nurse."


    She shrugged, "I expect it will happen while I''m deployed. Have fun."


    I gabbled a for a few incomprehensible moments before remembering the teachable moment was rapidly fading in the rear view. "Anyway. Isnomi. You understand, Vulcan is not a toy. If you try to play with him, someone is going to wind up hurt. You, me, Marie, Ma. One of us might get hurt, or even killed. Do you want that?"


    Big eyes solemn, she shook her head slowly.


    "So, no playing with Vulcan."


    She nodded. "Bada na doy."


    I blinked a little at that. "Brother... Vulcan?"


    She nodded. "Bada." She paused a moment, then asked, "Bada na bak?"


    I looked at Saffron, at a loss to sort this one out. "What do you think?"


    She rolled Isnomi over to look her in the eyes. "Your brother belongs in his case."


    Isnomi folded her arms over her chest. "Mama na bak. Ahnama na bak. Tikibada na bak. Bada na bak!"


    Hoo-fuckin-boy. Did not expect that level of schooling out of the menace this soon. Saffron continued, "If he''s not in his case someone could be hurt by accident. If he''s not in his case he could be hurt. It isn''t velvet-lined for no good reason, after all."


    The lower lip went out. The mule was strong with this one. "Bada na bak!"


    Worst of all, she wasn''t not making sense. I touched Saffron''s arm, then rolled and scooted the menace and myself around until she sat between us. I cudgeled my brain for the wording, then asked, "Do you promise, as a Mor, that you will not play with Vulcan unless Momma or Ma are awake, aware, approving, and overseeing your play time?"


    "Bada na bak!"


    I put a finger over her mouth as that finished, trying not to think how easily I could lose a finger. "That''s not what I asked, Menace. We''re not even going to discuss that until we''re done discussing what I asked you."


    Stolen novel; please report.


    Her mouth narrowed to a thin line, and she asked, "bada na bak?"


    "That is not what I asked and you know it. Do you solemnly swear and promise, as a Mor, that you will not play with Vulcan unless Momma or Ma are awake, aware, approving, and overseeing your play time?"


    The little conniver got a speculative look on her face. "Mawa?"


    I looked at Saffron. "What do you think?" At her inquisitive look, I explained, "Allowing Marie to oversee Isnomi and Vulcan playing together?"


    I got the unique experience of watching Saffron''s train of thought derail and slide sideways down the tracks. I do not want her firing him. Not any time in the next dozen years, at least.


    Duh. Hence the oversight. But she can, I dunno, play with his bolts or pet his shiny butt, or look at him or something.


    This only gets worse the longer you talk about it.


    I heaved a sigh as the menace started to get a suspicious look on her face. This worked way better than spelling shit out, but our precocious tot already knew we were up to something when we went silent. The other option is her sneaking up and doing it anyway.


    Shit. We will be sure Marie understands the rules before releasing the three of them to wreak havoc on the world.


    Good point.


    I turned to Isnomi, who chose that moment to let out what I hoped was an echoing fart and say, "bada. Na. Bak."


    "Do you solemnly swear and promise, as a Mor, that you will not play with Vulcan unless Momma, Ma, or Marie are awake, aware, approving, and overseeing your play time?"


    She stuck a lip out, but grudgingly said, "yeh."


    I sighed. "I''m gonna regret this." I turned around, picked up Vulcan''s case, and walked over to the foot of Isnomi''s toddler bed. The case was too long to lie along the foot of her bed. Hell, it was nearly as wide and long as her toddler bed, so I spun it ninety degrees so it lay along the wall, then unlatched it and lifted the lid. I dug out two bolts and put one in each open corner, using them to brace the lid so it stood open at an angle. Then I turned back to Isnomi. "Remember, Menace, no playing. He''s fine, you can see him, he can see out, he''s not trapped, but you, Menace, are not to touch him. Understood?"


    She nodded solemnly. "Na ta." Then crawled her way to her feet and tiptoe sprinted over to her bed, flopped down to sit leaning against the foot of it in a one-year-old''s approximation of tailor fashion, and started muttering away. I caught her saying, "bada,", "tikibada," and "Mawa," before shaking my head and walking over to help Saffron to her feet. As I lifted her up, she ran one hand over my stomach.


    "I really don''t think she''s anywhere near distracted enough for me to respond appropriately to that, Kitten."


    She smirked up at me, "shame. I think you getting all maternal makes me want to practice just in case we ever want another." She reached up and put her arms around my neck, and I leaned down into the kiss. We stayed that way until Marie came back in with Vulcan''s faintly glowing bolt in hand.


    One arm still wrapped around Saffron, I pulled Marie into a one-armed hug. "I''m sorry about manhandling you earlier. I kinda panicked."


    She stroked my hair from the top of my head down to under the curve of my ass, saying, "De Nada." Then she held up the bolt and nodded toward the case, the question clear in her eyes.


    Wonder of wonders, my brain turned on. "Isnomi is only to play with Vulcan under careful supervision from you, me, or Saffron. Please don''t get mad, but I think both of us would like you to fire him a time or two before you do, too."


    Marie didn''t look mad, she just nodded and strode over to Vulcan and Isnomi. Meanwhile Saffron punched me in the shoulder.


    "Ow! What the fuck was that for?"


    I''m going to be deployed the first chance you get for her to do that.


    Like you''re not taking Vulcan with you.


    Like you can''t step over and borrow him for a few practice shots.


    Like you can''t come along when I do.


    We just stood there staring at one another for a minute, then collapsed into each other''s arms, laughing. Marie made an inquisitive noise and we looked over to see Isnomi squatting in front of Vulcan''s case, reaching for his bolt. Saffron sighed and said, "you put it right back in the case where you found it, understand?"


    "Ya! Ya!" Marie handed her the bolt, and she took it, reverently placing it back in its padded slot, leaning on it to slide it into place, then pulling back away, her hands up and open. She scooched around and showed us her open hands. "Dahda!"


    "Yes, very well done, my girl." Saffron simultaneously thought at me, I''m not sanguine about leaving his case open with her in the room.


    I''m not either, but she''s already shown there''s nothing we can do to keep her away from him, short of storing him somewhere else, which I''d be less happy with, or chaining her the fuck up, and I''m not sure either of those would work either.


    I''m seriously considering the ''chain her up'' option.


    I frowned down at her, making sure she saw it before I thought, Fenris.


    She closed her eyes, drew in a deep breath, and laid her fingertips over my mouth while she let it out. "Agreed. Better I live in terror than that."


    I pulled her into my arms and just held her while the tension leaked out of her bit by bit. Eventually I scooped her up and walked over to the bed, then sat there with her in my lap while we watched Isnomi and Marie having a Very Serious Discussion about Vulcan. No idea what passed between them, but Marie managed to keep her ''serious listening face'' the whole time, and Isnomi never ran out of toddler-babble. Vulcan didn''t say anything, which left me grateful for the small favors the universe doled out on occasion.


    Speaking of small favors, my Champion, I will need you to attend me today.


    I tensed, and when Saffron looked up at me I said, "Loki."


    Soon as I''m dressed, Boss.


    Do clean the dress first.


    I set Saffron on the bed and, as I walked over to our shrine, asked, "can you let Lancaster know I''m with Loki today?"


    She nodded. "Of course."


    I lifted The Dress and glared at the greasy patina coating the loop that covered my neck and breasts. Reaching into the same place I did when I stepped to him, I pushed it away. The Dress glowed a moment, and when the glow went away it took the awful sweaty stain away with it. I slipped it on, turned to say something to Saffron, and got triple glomped by Marie, Saffron, and Isnomi. "Have a nice day with Loki, love."


    "Ha ba na da, Mama."


    Marie just stroked all of my hair again and purred. I returned the glomp-hug, then stepped away.


    I took a step toward Loki''s bed of stone, carefully ignoring how flushed Sigyn looked as she leaned against the wall where she used to stand while guarding her husband from Mister Slither. Then the smell hit me. Not bad, exactly, but all of a sudden I realized why parents always seemed to know when their kids got up to intimate hijinks behind closed doors. I mean, I guess some people think it''s gross, but dude, it''s a human smell. It''s no grosser than the taste, and I certainly wasn''t one to complain about that. But I was completely unprepared for the sheer intensity a twenty foot Jotnar and his divinely passionate wife could generate when given a week with no inhibitions nor cleaning supplies.


    "That would be part of why you are here, my Champion. I will need you to procure those supplies and do something about the smell before it goes rancid and reeks."


    Sigyn giggled a little as I said, "shit, am I being demoted to High Janitor or some shit?"


    He pushed himself up until he could look at me, and I walked close enough that he could see me without contorting. "No, Tabitha, you are not. To be clear, however, this is your punishment for failing to attend me this past Moonday."


    "Ah, fuck." I sighed, trying to pull my Big Girl Panties on and suck it up, but after a moment a realization hit me. "You forgot about it too, didn''t you?"


    "Ah..." Sigyn giggled, then erupted into that throaty laughter I remembered, "I think he may have forgotten his own name at one point."


    "Impudent wench! When in the fullness of time I am free of these chains I will remind you.."


    She raised an eyebrow and interrupted him mid-rant, "remind me of what, exactly?"


    His grin spoiled the tone of his rant, but I kinda lost my ability to keep from laughing when he finished up with, "why you''re leaning on that wall instead of standing."


    I''d never known somebody could blush so bad it hit their thighs, but blushing or not, Sigyn laughed that throaty chuckling laugh again. Still didn''t stop leaning on the wall though.


    "At any rate, my dear Tabitha, while you work to clean my enforced abode, I will be recounting to you my knowledge of those Deities who have proved at least marginally trustworthy. Their names, how to contact them safely, where to meet them, everything you might need to know as my High Priestess and Champion."


    I sighed. "Okay. Anything else before I go fetch a mop and bucket?"


    He chuckled, and Sigyn echoed it. "Oh, I suspect you might need more than that, but once the cleaning is complete, I should ask you to retrieve some things for me. A few items to make my imprisonment less onerous, perhaps make my cell a bit more homelike, as I am doomed to reside here until Ragnarok despite my Champion''s defeat of my betrayer."


    "Hey, I think I got a good deal for you with that. You complaining about it?"


    "Oh, hardly. My vengeance against those who have betrayed me only grows stronger with the passage of time. Should I not desire the freedom of my children, I could even forgo it indefinitely should fate decree it."


    I nodded. "I''ll get them out, Boss. Trust me, and gimme a little time."


    "My faith and patience are yours, Champion. Now, be about it?"


    I swear, you would not believe the amount of crud that accumulates in a cave that hasn''t been cleaned since literally forever. Kinda uber skeevy cleaning all that up, especially the bed, even once I used Mana Blades to slice Loki''s binding stalagmites loose to clean under where he''d lain.


    Yeah, I Mineral Bonded them back down once I had the bed clean. Gotta make sure fuckin'' Odin doesn''t try to fuckin'' weasel out of his fuckin'' deal like the fuckin'' weasel he is. Might have put them back with quite a bit more slack, though. No point in making Sigyn hold up all her own weight, after all.


    Also, yeah, I said I''m cool with the post-coital stank, sure, but there''s a fucking world of difference between a catching a noseful of eau de coitus and mopping up a Jotnar bedful of smegma. Trust me. Scarred for life, and now thankful for Marie''s cleaning witchery for several lifetimes beyond that.

 Day One Hundred And Thirty

    Dear Diary,


    Of all things I did not expect, a sudden return to classes might have been near the top of the list.


    So last night went as my nights lately have gone. Full night of lounging by the lake, psychedelic tadpoles tickling my bits in the lake and the bits in the little rivulet running underneath me. Y''know, if they can get between me and the ground, maybe they''re not tadpoles? I know there''s other shit that lives in the water until it, like, goes into a chrysalis and you know what? I''m not gonna think about that any more. More itchy bits; I still couldn''t be arsed to move, I just scraped myself against the rocks over there. When I looked I could kinda see something moving. Ants? Way too small to be ants. Maybe really little ants? Fuck, I''m a etymology geek, not a entomology geek. Okay, we all know I''m a mythology geek by now.


    Woke up to the melodious sounds of Isnomi singing. I might be a little biased, but I don''t think I''m actually full on Mom-psycho either. I lay there, eyes closed, as I listened to her sing a little tune. Not, like, straight up ''next Taylor Swift'' or anything, but she wasn''t incapable of carrying a tune in a bucket, and she had some rhythm in her. I''d kind of drifted into a half-asleep meditative state listening to her until I heard Saffron trying to hide a sniffle beneath me.


    You okay, Kitten?


    That song. I used to hum it to her when she was littler. Before I met you. My Mom used to sing it to me before... Grandma sang it to me after Mom died. I just...


    I shifted to put my arms around her, then cracked my eyes open to look over to where Isnomi leaned against her bed, sitting in her little toddler version tailor seat, swaying as she sang to Vulcan, holding one hand carefully hovering an inch above him. Her hand drifted back and forth as she swayed to her own song, but never wavered up or down. I don''t know how long we lay like that, but the tune of our little one''s little lullaby cycled a couple times before Saffron joined in, her quiet voice muffled by my hug, but still making Isnomi''s head snap around to stare at us while she kept singing.


    "Sleep, my darling, while I guard you,


    I rock your cradle to put you to sleep,


    Sleep, my wee girl, luck will ward you,


    Let Tyche your Fate, your Destiny keep."


    Isnomi held her hand rock steady as she and Saffron went quiet. I held up one finger and nodded to the menace. She grinned a big old goofy grin, then gently lay her hand on Vulcan''s stock, stroked it once, then lifted it away. She turned to him and said, "ga na, bada", then pushed herself to her feet and tiptoe ran over to us. I scooped her up and lay her in between Saffron and I.


    "You''re a very good Big Sister, my girl." Saffron hugged Isnomi to her, and I put my arms around both of them and pulled them close. We lay like that until Marie came in with her cart.


    "Mawa!" the menace squirmed out and dove off the bed, Marie managing to catch her as her face brushed the padding on the floor. She scooped her up and plonked her down on the cart. I realized at that point I''d forgotten something when going over Isnomi''s Rules For Vulcan.


    "Isnomi?"


    "Yeh, mama?"


    That got Saffron and Marie''s attention as well. "Okay, you know the promise you made about playing with your brother, right?"


    Her eyes narrowed a little. "Yeh?"


    "I''m not changing the rules, but there have to be consequences if you break the rules." Her little arms folded, and her lip stuck out. "That''s the breaks, kiddo. Right, Mom?"


    Saffron nodded, "exactly right, Momma."


    "Right Marie?"


    "Yes."


    The lip stuck out further, but I pressed on. "So, you''ve managed to follow the rules so far. You didn''t touch until I told you that you could, and we didn''t say anything about talking or singing to your brother, so you''re fine there. But if you break the rules and touch him without permission, or play with him some other way, no cart for three days." I held up three fingers.


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    She squawked, "tee? Na! Too!" and held up her index and middle fingers.


    I shook my head. "Three." I held up three fingers again.


    "Too!" She held up one finger, "Un!" then another, "too!"


    "Three, Menace. If you keep fussing about this, I''m going to start thinking you''re looking for a way to weasel past the rules. After all, if you follow the rules, you won''t lose any cart days, will you?" She folded her arms again, stuck out her bottom lip, and let out an enormous fart. "Oh, good God, who have you eaten, Menace? Are we gonna have to put you back in diapers again?"


    Of course she took that opportunity to push herself up to her feet, with her hands still on the cart, and waggle her noxious, yet somehow sparkling clean ass at us. "Ptthffppptt!" Then she tumbled forward off the cart, laughing as Marie snatched her up right before her head hammered into the floor. At this point I''m pretty sure the floor would have gotten the worst of it.


    Marie handed over all but one Isnomi-uniform worth of clean clothes, then set to getting the little one presentable. Meanwhile I put the laundry away while Saffron got dressed, then I helped her tie down and button up before turning to our shrine. I blinked in surprise to find The Dress missing; when I turned to Marie she held it out, completely cleaned. "Thank you!"


    "De Nada." I swear, by her posture and downturned gaze, she''d be blushing if she could. I swept her into a hug, then let her dress me up. I mean, I kinda needed the help with the boots, and it was kinda a trip to hop up onto her cart and perch next to a wide-eyed Isnomi while Marie put them on.


    Shortly after that, Marie and Isnomi rolled out for their day of carting fun, and Saffron and I made our way down to the Dining Hall. Only a few trays of spicy eggs, but extra jalapeno scrapple, and endless sausages today. Lancaster walked up mid-sausage-fest and sneered, "Father says you''re to attend Intermediate Heroic Skills today."


    "Fuck!"


    He jumped a bit at my exclamation, "you''d prefer to run all day, rather than learn something? Of course you would."


    "No! You made me lose count." I shrugged. "Didn''t really know how many I needed to eat anyhow."


    That drew a confused, "how many?" out of him.


    "How many male Lancasters are there?" I asked as I swallowed a sausage whole.


    I saw the beginnings of a leer creep across his face as he said, "forty two, nine still living, not counting Lachlan and myself."


    "Hey, thanks! Wanna see a trick Loki taught me?"


    His face went full teenage-boy-leer, right up until I Mimicked however Isnomi did her shark-jaw thing and ripped the sausage in my hand into a greasy, torn up mess. I had a tough time not spitting it out laughing as his hands seemed to jump to cover his crotch of their own accord. He spun around and stalked back to the Barbie Brigade table, shaking his head and muttering something about ''crazy Bag bitches''. I couldn''t even get mad at him, since he wasn''t even right, and it would have been pretty stupid to correct him, since while Isnomi and I were both Bag, the shark-jaw thing was a Mor thing, not a Bag thing.


    The rest of the table managed to hold it in until he got back to his own table, then everybody broke down laughing. Despite having to restart my count, and Saffron wanting to leave early, I still managed to messily shred forty three more sausages before breakfast ended, staring straight at poor Larry the whole time. At one point he half rose, turning like he intended to go tell his dad, but I just ravaged another sausage while he watched. I mean, what''s he gonna do, go tell daddy that I scared him with my messy eating?


    Intermediate Heroics wound up focusing entirely on a new Spell, ''Air Shield''. It functioned kinda like Filtration Ward, except it didn''t allow nearly so much give, and pushed back everything except air itself, and according to DeLeon could only be formed into a flat, round cushion. He said it would straight up stop most lighter projectiles, and worked pretty well for keeping someone from faceplanting when plummeting. Kinda handy. I expected they wanted Saffron and the other Cadets to know it for when they got to the front, which sorta ruined my whole appreciation for a day when I wasn''t running all day.


    After lunch even that went to suck, what with us getting pulled back into training, and me going to endless laps of the Boulevard. I started making up Jody calls on my own. I mean, based on stuff I''d heard or read, but still. Apparently there''s no HR here in Phileo, because I went full NC-17 with the calls, and both the men and women in the units laughed so hard they had a hard time keeping the pace while calling them back to me.


    "I don''t know but I been told,


    Loki''s got a three foot pole.


    I don''t know but I been told,


    Sigyn''s ass is good as gold."


    I am entirely uncertain as to what I am going to do with you, High Priestess.


    You want me to stop, Boss?


    Even without looking through his eyes, I still got the impression that he''d facepalmed. I... This is the first organized worship Sigyn or I have had in centuries, you realize?


    Really? This counts? Cool!


    Yes, but the, ah, secondary effects, due to the nature of your hymn... He broke down and growled out, you couldn''t have waited twenty more minutes?


    What can I say? I''m absolutely Loki''s faithless devotee, and best High Priestess who would never do anything mean to my God.


    Yeah, right. I sang louder, getting everyone running with me to do so as well, because I am absolutely That Bitch.

 Day One Hundred And Thirty-One

    Dear Diary,


    I really miss Fridays.


    I mean, it''s not like the Council voted and made the week six days long or some kinda crazy shit like that. But before Lancaster showed up and he started us training like absolute madmen, for a few blissful weeks Friday was a day of intense fun learning followed by intense fun rewards for learning. I looked forward to Fridays.


    Yeah, wouldn''t that be a hell of a villain backstory. ''Why did you Fall to the Dark Side?'' ''I got big mad because New Amsterdam denied me educational nookie.'' On the one hand, sounds about the right pettiness level for here and now. On the other hand, I''ve been trying to be less petty than the general Deific level of petty. Maybe I could sell it as ''they stole away the love of my wife''? Yeah, that sounds way less petty. Complete sophistry, and leaning heavy on that whole making a synonym out of love and lust thing, but still less petty than ''I wanna get laid''.


    Of course, the fact that all of these arguments are ones I''m having with myself means sophistry probably won''t work.


    Heh. Maybe I can convince Saffron to convince me.


    Shit, no, she''d do it without even thinking about the larger moral consequences. She straight up told me that.


    When the fuck did I sign on to be the moral compass? I''m not even competent to be the moral compass of me, let alone anybody else.


    Anyhow, pretty normal night. Vibing by the lakeside all night, trying to ignore the increasing itchiness by focusing on the psychedelic mini-tadpoles crawling around underneath and nuzzling at me. Woke up to our little songbird crooning at her brother. Different song than yesterday, and Saffron didn''t recognize this one. Maybe she made it up? To be honest, ''where did she get those song lyrics from'' falls way below ''will she and her brothers rampage through Phileo'' on my personal list of worries. When she saw me watching and finished, I held up two fingers. She squealed a little and ran her little hand over Vulcan''s stock, two long, gentle strokes, like you''d pet a wildcat that happened to settle down in your lap.


    Then she tiptoe ran over to the bed. "Mama, ma!" I got it right away this time, Mimicked Saffron, and fed the menace her first breakfast of the day. Yeah, it completely weirds me out, but it''s not without its warm fuzzy component. Besides that, if she winds up itty bitty, I sure as fuck ain''t gonna let it be from malnutrition. After about ten minutes, Saffron woke up enough to scoop her away and do some mommy-baby feeding time her own self.


    Isnomi squirmed a little at the handoff, but Saffron declared, "I do not believe you are anywhere near full, and they are full enough to hurt."


    I shifted back to me and got up to get dressed. "You know they''re going to keep getting swole until you stop nursing, right?"


    "Which I will have to do once we deploy, so forgive me for taking advantage of this tiny morsel of parent child intimacy while I can."


    I pulled The Dress on, then sat on the edge of the bed to work my feet into her boots. "You''re gonna wind up with aching feet from marching and aching tits from not nursing all at once, y''know."


    "And I will be in an excellent position to shoot someone without fear of legal reprisal or moral qualms."


    I nodded. "Fair point." I scooped Isnomi up, set her on the desk and started dressing her. I expected Saffron to go put her uniform on, but she stood, I got the anti-tingles for a second, and she stood there clothed in glowing midnight. "What''s the occasion?"


    "Sadly, instead of being able to say ''tempting you to ignore training today in favor of engaging in frenzied ritual copulation'', I''m forced to remind you that we have a Council meeting to get to."


    "Oh, shit! Fuck! For a second I thought that was yesterday and I forgot about it."


    She shook her head, then walked over and helped me finish dressing our little mascot. "Some of the Guilds and Heroes pushed for rescheduling. I would have let you know otherwise."


    "You still forgot about Monday, though."


    She nodded, "Sorry about that. I was focused on the Council Meeting. Drove it completely out of my head."


    "Fair. Let''s go get some breakfast and drop the Menace off with Marie or Grandma?"


    The menace in question grabbed at both of us and clung. "Na! Ma! Mama! Ahnama ga Mama Ma!"


    I shook my head, "Sorry, kiddo. Momma and Mom need to focus on what we''re doing. You''re too cute; if we bring you along we''ll be paying too much attention to your cuteness to get our jobs done."


    She pouted, then put her arms up. I scooped her up, put my other arm around Saffron, and we all headed for breakfast. Decent food today, but the spicy eggs are getting thinner on the ground. When I asked, Bill chimed in. "The field rations use eggs."


    I crinkled up my nose. "Don''t they go bad?"


    He chuckled and shook his head. "Not when they''re baked long enough to dry out. Without the eggs you get hardtack, and you can''t eat that without something to soften it."


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    "I know there are recipes for shit that''ll last that don''t have eggs in."


    He shrugged. "If you know any of them, feel free to share. Mom and Dad tell me they''d both rather have hardtack than ration egg biscuits, but..." He shrugged and popped another sausage in his mouth.


    "How are we getting sausage then? Like, dry sausage is super-good for rations."


    He nodded, "yeah, and that''s most of the rest of the rations. But these are breakfast sausages, not pepperoni or salami. If you dried these, they''d turn too hard to eat."


    I shrugged my own self. "Fair point. I''m gonna stop complaining and just enjoy sausage fest."


    Bill nearly choked everybody at the table when he responded, "huh. I didn''t think you two would be interested in one of those."


    So Marie apparently had Marie things occupying her today, so after leaving Breakfast early we dropped Isnomi off at the Infirmary with Grandma, then at Saffron''s insistence I got us down to City Hall with a single step.


    Overall? Super boring day. Couple highlights, though.


    First, while I''d never been in City Hall back in Philly, while the exterior and the statue of Billy Penn at the top looked pretty similar, I really don''t think the center of City Hall was one big amphitheater style room with a see through domed ceiling. Kinda weird as fuck to be able to look up and see Willy''s ass hovering above us, but between the distance and the old-timey tights? Not really a huge distraction once I got past giggling about it.


    I got a little bit of a shock when I realized how much security the place had. Not, like, in a ''so much security'' sense, either. We got to the Council chamber before anybody except some big beefy dudes holding spots open on the lowest row of seats; Saffron told me they''d be filled by Guild leaders once they arrived. Other than that? Nada, security-wise. I mean, once I thought about it I realized why; other than the Guild Leaders, everybody on the Council was probably gonna be either a Hero, a High Priestess, or both. I still kinda thought we ought to have somebody guarding the place to keep the ''Damn assholes from, like, setting up us the bomb, but who the fuck am I to tell people how to run a government?


    Oh. Wait.


    Yeah, apparently some of the governmental traditions carried over from Europa are pretty fuckin weird. At least they seem that way to me. When I moved to find us a seat, Saffron pulled me over to a big-assed lectern standing in the middle of the clear round area in the center of the seating. A big dude stood next to it, looking like he''d block our way. Saffron looked him right in the eye and said, "move." When light and sound decided to re-enter the discussion, he''d backed the fuck off. Not surprising, really. In the here and now, ''big tough guy'' stood way lower than ''chick with direct hotline to world-altering Powers''. I stepped over to him and quietly asked, "you gonna be okay?"


    He shook his head and said, "dunno what you''re talking about. My boss told me to be here before daybreak, but you were here when I got here."


    Saffron''s reason for rushing and choosing to stand instead of picking out a nice seat? Apparently, as fucked up as this is? Whatever Councilperson gets to ''the Register'' first is the one who gets to call the shots. Like an hour later when actual Councilpersons started trickling in, led by none other than Lancaster Senior? An absolute booger look flashed across his face when he saw Saffron standing there, but other than that he just nodded and tapped at where his hat would be, as if to say, ''point to you''.


    Like an hour or two of ''calling the roll'' came next. Every time somebody new came in Saffron would go back to the first un-confirmed name in the list of Councilpersons and start going through the names again. Quite a few of the people in the seats, especially the ones down in the front row, looked like they wanted to up and leave, or at least say something, but every time one of them stirred, Lancaster shot them a look and they sat the fuck back down. Eventually though, even he got bored and stood up. "Councilperson Aetos, I move to convene this meeting of the Phileo City Council."


    She nodded, "all in favor?" Hands shot up around the room, and she tallied them up. "All opposed?" One of the Guild dudes raised his hand, and some chick wearing the same robes as Artemis'' former High Priestess did as well, but Saffron just announced, "Two opposed. Far more than two in favor. This Council is hereby Convened. The Council has been Convened to discuss matters related to the potential war between Phileo City and Camden Yards, and New Amsterdam and Newark. As such, before any other issues, as the Grand Army of Phileo City and Camden Yards has been assembling and training for over a week without a formally declared leader, our first order of business will be to appoint a Grand General to lead said army. As he is both our combined Cities'' finest General, and has already stepped into the role in an informal manner, I nominate Hero Leonard Lancaster."


    Mostly positive muttering echoed around the chamber, but Lenny stood up and replied, "I am honored by the nomination, and should the Council so decree, will of course fill the role of Grand General to the best of my abilities. However, I would be remiss in my duties as Councilman for both the clergy of Wotan and the Heroes'' Guild if I did not nominate the Marshall of Phileo City."


    That started a whole fucking long, boring list of speeches as every fuckin'' Councilperson in the room had to get their two cents in. One of the older, fatter Guild types nominated Hero Velazquez, who''d hadn''t yet returned from the field, and an old skinny dude in the third row up, who wore some kind of clerical robes, nominated retired Hero McCrae. But pretty much everybody else was for Lancaster or the Marshall. It wound up really fuckin'' close; Saffron had to go through the Register calling out names one at a time and keeping the count as she did. It wound up with our two votes breaking what had been a tie. I kinda wanted to vote for the Marshall, but I followed Saffron''s quiet direction and voted for Lenny.


    After we managed to pull that off, I kinda lost interest, as every goddamn person in the room seemed to have some kind of fuckin weird ''war related but not really'' axe to fuckin'' grind, and talked about it at length. Eventually, as the sky above us painted itself the colors of sunset, Saffron interrupted the latest speech. "Council of Phileo City and Camden Yards." The old dude who''d been speaking looked like he''d just been force-fed a grapefruit flavored suppository, as light and sound died when Saffron spoke. "The hour grows late. The Speaker moves to end this meeting and reconvene the Council to continue these discussions Wotansday next. All in favor?"


    The Clergy and Guild dudes felt some kinda way about it, but the Heroes in the upper tiers, unsurprisingly, had better shit to do than sit and hear fat old dudes talk all night. With the meeting officially ended, she turned to me, put a hand on my shoulder, sighed, and said, "love? I would dearly like to be home right now."


    Fuck it. I might not be the best Councilwoman the City''s ever seen, but as a hack? I fuckin'' rock. Home again, home again, jiggety-fuckin''-jig.


    Worst part of it? Neither one of us had anything left to do anything but hang up our dresses and fall into bed, exhausted.


    I want my Fridays back, dammit.

 Day One Hundred And Thirty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    On the one hand, Lancaster seems like a really conservative type of General, and that makes me think he''s gonna be super careful about not wasting resources. On the other hand, the slow-burn buildup before marching the troops off to war? Just as bad as the slow-burn bedroom buildup is good.


    So this morning I awoke to a wolf in our room. Like, not a real wolf, but Isnomi sitting tailor fashion by Vulcan''s case, as is her new habit, but with her hands palm down on the floor in front of her knees, with her head tilted back as far as it could go, howling at the ceiling. Not, like, completely tunelessly either, which was as neat as it was weird. After a few cycles I low-key joined in, but a moment after I did she stopped, shook her head, and said, "na. Na, mama." Then she stood up, tiptoe-sprinted over to our bed, grabbed my hand and started pulling.


    I asked, "do you want me to come over there with you?" She nodded vigorously enough I worried a little bit that she''d rattle her brains, so I wormed my out between a lounging Marie and a still mostly asleep Saffron, then crouched to let her guide me over to where she''d been sitting beside her toddler bed. She patted the floor by her bed, so I plonked my ass down, legs in front of me. She slapped at my calves until I tucked them in front of me tailor fashion, then nodded and sat down in my lap, pulling her chubby little calves atop mine. Then she tugged my arms until I put them on the ground in front of me, then nodded her head, bonking me in the tits a little as she did. She''d gotten bigger over the past few weeks.


    Then she shook herself and shrank down until, when she leaned her head backward, she could look right up at me where I stared down at her. She reached up and poked my chin with her finger, then put her hand back and started howling again. She ran through her little howly-tune twice before she opened one eye a slit and glared at me. I joined her on the next chorus, and we sat there howling rhythmically until Saffron grumped, "why do I live with the world''s smallest wolf pack again?"


    "Because she''s cute and I can hold my breath for a surprisingly long time?"


    "Ma! See! Mama see, ma see!"


    Saffron pushed herself up so she could lay her arms on Marie and look at us. "What did you want me to see, my girl?"


    Of course the menace shook her head and said, "na see, ma, see!"


    Saffron looked at me for help. "I think she wants you to sing."


    "That was howling, not singing."


    Isnomi heard that and her lip shot out. I wouldn''t have said anything, but the waterworks felt real this time. Maybe I was getting suckered, but this wasn''t exactly something I minded being suckered about. "C''mon, Kitten. Come over and purr rhythmically with us!"


    Saffron rolled her eyes, sighed, and crawled over Marie to get to us. She settled down next to me; after Isnomi got her properly positioned for howling, we went through a trio iteration of the lupine chorus. Then Isnomi stood and tiptoe-sprinted over to Marie and, putting her little palms on Marie''s thigh and shoving, said, "Mawa! Mawa! See! See!"


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    "No."


    That flat rejection wasn''t the answer any of us expected, and Isnomi slumped. I could tell even looking at the back of her head that she''d started her whole blubbering thing. "Won''t, or can''t?"


    Marie sighed, "Can''t."


    "Pese? Mawa? Pese?"


    Marie sighed, then slipped off the side of the bed into a startlingly smooth tailor seat. The menace climbed into her lap, leaned forward, but before she could get her howl on, Marie pressed her hands against the floor, threw her head back, closed her eyes, and roared.


    Rhythmically. Not that it mattered. I mean, yeah, some definite lyrical sounding stuff there, but Saffron immediately clapped her hands over her ears, and after a second of surviving Marie''s sonic assault, I put my hands over Saffron''s. After one verse, Marie went silent, purring quietly, hunched over and looking a little sheepish. Isnomi let out squeeing baby-giggles and clapped her hands, not that I could really hear it. The door in the armoire slid open and our son said, "is everyone alive in here?"


    "We''re fine, son. Just an impromptu singalong. Thank you for checking." The door slid closed.


    When everyone''s hearing returned to normal and Saffron assured me she''d suffered no permanent harm, I went over, sat on the edge of the bed, and put my arms around the sheepish, still seated Marie. I put my arms around her and asked, "can''t do that any quieter, can you?" She shook her head. "It''s okay, Marie. It''s hugely cute that you''d do that for the Menace, but give us a little more warning next time? I think Saffron might need some ear plugs. Maybe some armor, or soundproofed padding." She slumped down further, until Saffron came over and put her arms around Marie as well.


    "I''m terribly impressed that you managed to keep the tune at that volume, dear Maenad." She pulled away a little and lifted Marie''s face with one hand on either of her cheeks, until she looked her straight in the eyes. "Just because I physically cannot survive your musical talent should not be a reason for you to be embarrassed, Marie." Marie blinked a little. "Now stop it. Just because I would die if I attempted to copulate with Loki in his native form and size is no reason for him to be embarrassed, so why should you be so simply because you are," she stopped, unable to hold her giggle in, "extremely vocal." Marie''s mouth dropped open. "We don''t blame Tabitha when she gets vocal, so why should Tabitha and I blame you?"


    I''d never seen Marie try to tickle someone before. Apparently, she''s good at it, and apparently, Saffron''s particularly susceptible to it. I played tickle with Isnomi on the bed while Marie and Saffron did the same on the floor. Overall? I''d say Saffron wound up overall tickle recipient of the day. Pretty impressive, what with a bit of tag teaming leading, eventually, to her lying on the bed wheezing while Isnomi ''tickled'' her by poking her in the ribs, and I squirmed under Marie''s gentle yet irresistible tickle-assault.


    Eventually we had to get up and get to work. Over the past couple days I''d gotten used to The Dress; between being able to clean it with a thought and an application of will (and Marie stealing it to hand-wash it twice now), and being able to get The Dress itself on in, like, two seconds without any Divine shenanigans, I kinda preferred it to my uniform. Of course, getting the boots on could be a little bit of work by myself, but even there I''d come to enjoy the affectionate manhandling of whoever had ''get Tabitha''s boots on'' duty for the day.


    Today the troops working with me had an extra handicap. Sort of. ''Good training'', I guess.


    Lancaster had officially distributed armor to all of them, so as of today they started training in it.


    Every step closer terrifies me a little more. I''m not sure what I''m most terrified of.


    That something will happen to Saffron.


    That whether Saffron''s hurt or just threatened, I''ll snap and go full on Mimic Incarnate on the ''Damn Army.


    Or that I''ll enjoy that last one way too much.

 Day One Hundred and Thirty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    So running laps has got to be great for my legs, but it''s not my legs that are gonna be tested once Saffron ships out. If only I could somehow figure out a way to work out my brain. Like, on the Boulevard.


    Pretty calm night last night. Chillin'' like a villain, vibing with the psychedelic tadpoles, wondering where the light show had gone. Realized I''d gotten something stuck underneath me. Not sure what, it just kinda prodded where I didn''t expect anything to prod. Almost like one of those special old people chair covers, with the ''massage'' and ''heat'' functions, only I had no idea how to control it. Some heat. Some vibration. Some both. Some neither. Really weird, but not bad weird, so I tried to ignore it.


    Woke up to Isnomi singing lullabies to Vulcan again, hovering her hand between his stock and the top of his case, gliding it back and forth as if petting him. As quietly as I could, I extracted myself from Saffron and snuck over to the Menace. I got almost within arms reach, then pounced on her. She squeaked and jumped, then teared up and started blubbering.


    "Oh, no! I''m sorry, sweetie, did I scare you?"


    "Na! Na, mama, na!" She shook her head hard enough to rattle her little brain, but she kept blubbering.


    "Did I hurt you? Did you hurt yourself?"


    "Na," she said, almost incomprehensible through the ongoing waterworks.


    I shrugged and scooped her up into a hug. "Tell momma what''s wrong, Menace, and I''ll try to fix it."


    She sniffled the sobbing to a stop, then hiccupped out, "Ahnama ta bada bak."


    "You did what to your brother''s box?"


    "Ta." At my continued look of confusion, she waved a hand near the top of the box a couple times, miming slapping at it. "Ahnama na ca na." Then she broke down into blubbery tears again.


    I snuggled her close, stroking her charcoal curls as I murmured to her. "No, no, Menace, you didn''t mean to touch. I scared you, and you bumped into it. That''s on momma, not on you." She kept blubbering, I''m not sure if she even heard me tell her she wasn''t in trouble. So I tried singing to her, awful singing voice and all.


    "Hush little Menace, don''t you cry, Momma''s gonna sing you a lullaby,


    Hush little baby don¡¯t say a word; Momma''s gonna buy you a mockingbird.


    If that mockingbird won¡¯t sing, Momma''s gonna buy you a golden ring.


    If that gold ring turns to brass, Momma''s going to give you a multi-pass.


    If your multi-pass don''t get you in, Momma''s gonna put you in a baking tin.


    If your baking tin goes in the oven, Mom''ll be annoyed at the hags in the coven.


    If that coven won''t let you go, Momma''s gonna beat them into dough.


    If that dough won''t fucking rise, Momma''s gonna buy you a big meat pie.


    If that meat pie done gets et, Momma''s song won''t be done quite yet.


    ''Cause so long as you''re my Isnomi girl, you¡¯ll be the scariest little Menace in the world."


    By the end, between the lyrics and my best kid''s show host voice, she managed to get her blubbering under control. She even managed a quiet, "dahda," at the end.


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    "I can''t tell if I''m still dreaming, or if you''re trying to pass that rampant word salad off as an actual lullaby." Saffron''s commentary held more than a little bit of a yawn.


    "Yeah, I don''t remember shit about that lullaby except, like, the first line or two. She liked it though."


    Saffron yawned, stretched, arched enough to point her cooch and boobs at opposite walls, then rolled out of bed to her feet. "It appears she did." She nodded down to the Menace, who''d snuck herself around to start nursing. I sighed, shook my head, and Mimicked Saffron. "Not going to go on about how weird it is?"


    I shook my head and stroked Isnomi''s curls. "Nah. I mean, it still is, a little bit, but I''m glad I''ve gotten used to it now instead of waiting until after you ship out. Think we might both need this what with missing you."


    She settled in behind me. I''m not sure if she Mimicked me or just shapeshifted bigger, because putting eyes in the back of my head would be weird. She wrapped her arms around me and sang the same song I had, only right, and if she hadn''t Mimicked me, she could do a scarily accurate rendition of my voice. Well, okay, I think she got the lyrics right, because she has a functional brain. Apparently original recipe works, too, because the next thing I knew Isnomi and I woke up to Marie pushing her cart into the room. I sat there trying to think of a way to gently wake the menace while Saffron pushed herself to her feet behind me. I looked over my shoulder to ask her how best to rouse the little one and got a front row seat to Saffron, as me, getting nuzzled and kissed by Marie.


    "Interesting. Not quite sure how I feel about that."


    Before Marie''s puzzled look could melt into hurt, Saffron went back to being herself and said, "try that again."


    I went back to being me, laying Isnomi on her bed as I rose, then snuggling up behind Saffron as Marie lifted her up so she didn''t have to bend over quite so far. I laid the side of my head against her back and put my arms around them both. The thought that some day soon she''d be away in the field, probably in danger, possibly hurt or killed just would not leave my head. When Marie came up for air, Saffron chuckled, vibrating my chest as she did so. "I''m not quite sure how I feel about being the filling in this sandwich."


    I snickered. "Sandwich? You between the two of us is barely a thin layer of butter in the middle of a loaf of bread."


    She twisted around to nip at my ear while Marie laid her head atop mine and purred. "That sounded like a complaint."


    I just nuzzled into both of them. "Nah. You must be hearing things. I love buttered bread."


    She looked behind me and sighed. "Sadly, despite our early start, none of our muffins will wind up buttered this morning."


    She nodded, and I turned my head to see Isnomi sitting on the edge of her bed, eyes huge, arms reaching for us. "Ub! Ub!"


    Marie saved us from having to twist around too much by one-handing the menace and depositing her on my shoulder, where she slipped her legs around Saffron''s neck and hugged the back of her head. After that we just stood there a while, trying to forget about tomorrow and focus on now. I fucked it up eventually, of course, by saying, "I''m gonna miss this."


    Saffron took a deep breath, pushing us all apart a little as she did. "Well, then, get those Volunteers ready to march fast and long. The sooner we get there, the sooner we can kick the shit out of the ''Damn Army and I can get back home and focus on important things." She twisted around and nuzzled me again before straightening out and doing the same to Marie. "Like exploring the possibilities of something so deceptively simple as bread and butter."


    That got me; I started laughing, and pulled back a little so as not to knock Isnomi off of Saffron''s shoulders. So of course she leapt at me and knocked me backward onto her little bed, giggling like a crazy person the entire time. "Oh, that''s mean to do that when we''ve got to get to work."


    She leaned backward, nearly as far as we''d done yesterday while howling, and while dangling upside down sing-songed, "Never said I wasn''t mean."


    So fuckin'' adorkable, even when she''s taunting me like that. Hell, especially when she''s taunting me like that.


    Of course, with that image in my brain, there may have been a few new verses in the Jody calls today. Shouting obscene poetry about my wife at the top of my lungs, getting the Volunteers to shout along with me so she could hear it from the far side of the Academy is romantic, right?


    Right?

 Day One Hundred And Thirty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    If Saffron is right, I''m really not looking forward to the rest of this week.


    So last night I would have spent vibing, because despite a bit of confusion on waking I still feel pretty rested in the morning, but instead of being able to stare at the stars or chill with my psychedelic tadpole homies, I had to deal with itching all down my left side. Not exactly painful, except maybe in the way that a really superficial rash is painful, but super fucking annoying. No amount of rooching around managed to make the itching stop. I mean, scratching doesn''t generally stop itching anyway, but it''s still what you do, y''know? So the whole night was a cycle of ''ignore the itching'', ''scratch myself on the rocky bits'', ''pretend it helped'', then try to ignore the itching again.


    At any rate, I''d just finished scratching myself when something covered my mouth. I blinked myself awake to find the room quiet and dark, with Saffron''s hand over my mouth. For a minute I just lay there wondering at how small it felt. I mean, I don''t think about how much smaller than me she is very often, but now and then something kinda makes it super-obvious. At any rate, after a bit I raised my hand and lay it atop hers. "What''s up, Saff?" I murmured.


    "Not now, sweet Goof. How much do you remember of the Council meeting?" Her reply came as quiet as my question, her mouth next to my ear the only reason I could really understand it.


    I wriggled around until she lay mostly leaning against me, my mouth snuggled up against her ear and vice versa. "We got there stupid early. You looked stupid hot running shit. We managed to nip Lancaster''s plans of world domination in the butt." I paused, nuzzling her ear while I thought. "Uh, we listened to the world''s most boring speeches all day, then came home too tired to tango, horizontal or otherwise."


    She chuckled in my ear, which did terrible things to my already crappy ability to concentrate. "Well, at least you didn''t hallucinate something that didn''t happen. Do you know why we got there so early?"


    I forced my lady bits to shut the fuck up and engaged my brain for a minute. "She who controls the register controls the world?"


    Another chuckle blew any chance that my nether regions would shut up, but I paid attention, because I suspected there would be a pop quiz, and my access to spice-based spouses would be based on the pass / fail of that quiz. "Not the world, but whatever Councilperson arrives at the Register first gets to be Speaker."


    I nodded, nuzzling a little more. "Gotcha. And we want you to be Speaker because the Speaker is the boss-lady."


    She nuzzled me back. Okay, she shook her head, but that was nearly as good. "No. You are paying attention?"


    "Trying my best, Kitten."


    She nodded, "that''s all I ask. The Speaker controls quite a lot of the meeting. Once the Army deploys, you''ll need to get there and claim the Register as early as you can."


    That threw a big fuckin'' damper on my whole ''despoil Saffron before breakfast'' plan. "The next meeting''s Wednesday."


    "I expect we''ll be deploying tomorrow."


    "Shit."


    She snuggled into me, like she wanted to wrap me around her like a coat of paint. "So you need to know how to keep control of the Council when I''m gone."


    I stuck my lip out, entirely coincidentally rubbing it against her ear. "I can''t just kill them all?" Even my intrusive thoughts are lime green.


    She shrugged. "If you wish, but you seemed to want to minimize casualties."


    I sighed, trying to wrap myself around her. "Yeah. Okay. You think somebody''s gonna fuck with the Army while you and Lancaster are gone?"


    "You forget, the Heroes will deploy as well. Perhaps one or two might remain to lead any further reinforcements to the field, but with the Heroes gone, the Guilds and Clergy will have the votes. Also, I suspect Lancaster has influenced some of them."


    "Shit. You think he''ll screw around and, what, proxy his vote?"


    She shook her head again. Cue my internal struggle to remain focused on her words. "Proxies aren''t allowed. Only Councilpersons in the Council chamber may vote. But just because he cannot be there does not mean he cannot have another forward his agenda."


    "So you think he''s gonna use a cat''s paw to do some fuckery." I sighed again. "What do I need to know?"


    "First, the Speaker controls both who may speak, and is the only one who may call for any vote, save one."


    "So, I could just tell them all to shut the fuck up and we all sit there all day in silence?" I could do that. I tried not to think about how boring it would be.


    "No. If no one is speaking, you can ask if anyone wishes to speak on the issue at hand, introduce a new issue, or propose a vote. You then decide which person gets to go next. Once someone is speaking, all you can do is call for a vote."


    "Uh..."


    She nuzzled me a little more before explaining, "you can call for a vote on the issue they''re talking about, you can call for a vote to reconvene later, you can even call for a vote to silence the person speaking, although that''s a pretty solid slap in the face."


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    "Okay. So I grab the Speaker spot, then let everybody else talk, and, what, just don''t call for any votes until it''s time to go home?"


    She nodded, "or unless somebody proposes a vote you really think needs to be taken. Like the one declaring war. We really ought to formally declare war at some point, or a lot of stuff gets tangled."


    "Like?"


    "Like a Hero might decide to migrate to another City. Not unheard of in peacetime, but straight up dereliction or treason if they do it during time of war."


    I shuddered at the thought of Lancaster doing some really heinous shit like that. He hadn''t struck me as the sort to switch sides mid-fight, and I definitely couldn''t see him bowing down to save his own ass. "Yeah. That would suck. Okay, so even if nobody else brings it up, I''ll want to propose a war vote?"


    "To call for a vote, yes, although avoid doing it before someone else proposes it if you can. Right now I don''t think any of them will show up early enough to claim the Speaker spot, but if enough of them get pissed at you, one of them will. Once you call for a vote for anything, remember the Speaker traditionally votes last. That way she can break a tie or deliberately deadlock something she''s opposed to if the vote is close enough."


    "Okay. Anything else?"


    "A few things. First, the one vote you cannot call for; the vote to convene."


    "Why?"


    She shrugged, "it''s mostly to avoid the Speaker convening the Council while she''s the only one there and passing all kinds of crazy shit while she''s the only one there."


    I snorted, "you can do that?"


    "I mean, if you''re the only one there, nobody else can call for the vote to convene. But once someone does? You can call for whatever vote you want."


    I nipped at her ear lightly. "So why didn''t the two of us just start voting for shit when it was just us two there?"


    "Because I wanted Lancaster there to recognize us. If he treated us like Councilwomen, nobody was going to tell him we''re not. You might wind up with someone doing that, by the way. Shut them down however you have to."


    "Can I kill ''em?" Why do my intrusive thoughts have more access to my mouth than I do?


    She shrugged again, "it''s an option, but you won''t gain any friends doing that. Be forceful, but not overtly threatening."


    I sighed into her ear, and she twitched a bit. "Right. Subtle. Not something I''m good at. But I''ll try."


    She ran her lips across my ear, which given the amount of real estate she had available and my reaction to it, seared everything out of my skull for a moment. "See that you do. Now, there will be three major voting blocs."


    "Guilds, Clergy, and leftover Heroes?" I guessed.


    "No. Anti-war, pro-war, and political profiteers."


    "Shit. We''ve got fucking war profiteers now?"


    "They''re always a thing, love. In this case I''m not referring to those who seek wealth, but those who will vote whichever way will earn them the most favors in the future. That''s another thing; don''t offer any favors. You never know who will cash them in for what."


    I stroked her hair, just to feel the texture of it. "What if somebody offers me a favor to vote some kinda way?"


    "If you would vote that way anyhow? Take it. Otherwise? Don''t."


    "Okay. Anybody in particular I should look out for?"


    "James McCann, head of the Teamster''s Guild. He''s not a bad man, but he''s leading the anti-War faction, because his Guild has lost quite a few members, at least temporarily. You probably saw him; older guy, mostly gone to fat, big enough to take up three spots on the benches?"


    "There were a couple guys that big, but I think I remember the one you meant. I''ll pay attention while taking attendance."


    She purred in my ear. "Good girl. Next is Sergeant (Retired) Vincent Aetos. No relation. He''s head of the Guardsman''s Guild, and he''s the one who has picked up those members, technically. He''s pro-War, but mostly because his guild members get paid better if they see action. He''s the guy who showed up in the fancy leather armor. He didn''t say much, and usually he lets the skinny guy next to him do the talking, the one with the spectacles."


    "Why?"


    "He was injured in a fight, and his voice is really rough. Talking too long makes it worse."


    "So who is spectacle boy?"


    I felt her lips curve against my ear. "Funny you should call him that. He''s Vincent''s son, Vincent Junior. Head of the Scribe''s Guild."


    "Well, shit, that means the two of them are gonna vote together, right?"


    "Oddly enough, no. Vincent senior knows he''s getting old, and he''s smart enough to let his son come into his own as his own man."


    I kept running my fingers gently through Saffron''s hair, gently tugging them loose when it inevitably tangled. "Damn. Someone who''s not an idiot. Who''s next?"


    "The ''leader'', such as she is, of the ''profiteers''. Alexandra Alexopolous. Don''t call her that, by the way. Her preferred title is ''High Priestess Aphroditopolous''."


    Something about Saffron''s tone struck me as off. "Is... that name sounds wrong."


    "Yes. That would be because despite her being the High Priest of Aphrodite, she barely speaks Greek, because she is both Dan and a complete idiot."


    "Isn''t that a little redundant?"


    She snickered in my ear, and once again I had to keep myself from getting very noisily intimate with her. Even if the discussion was done, which it wasn''t, tiny Isnomi snores still sounded from the far side of the room. "You''d better hope not. Lancaster is a Dan, and if he''s an idiot I''m in more danger than I ought to be."


    "Fair point. What do I need to know about her?"


    "She is almost literally a sock puppet for her Goddess. Who is marginally smarter than her, and will probably be advised by her husband Ares as well. Oh, if she really pisses you off, voting to censure the temple of Ares might actually pass. But don''t do that unless she deserves an indirect smackdown."


    "Why?"


    "Ares'' High Priest officially migrated to Calverton City the moment we started recruiting in earnest."


    "Cowardly little shit."


    She shook her head. "Not cowardly. He went to our other biggest enemy, a huge risk, just to show Ares'' displeasure with us. Still underhanded and, as you would put it, a dick move though."


    "Okay. What else do I need to know?"


    "About the Council meeting? Nothing, although much as Alexa has Aphrodite and Ares whispering in her ear, you will have Loki," and me.


    Tension I hadn''t realized I''d been building oozed out of me when she reminded me that despite not having physical backup, I''d have the two smartest people I knew audioconferenced in to keep my dumb ass from screwing up too badly. "So... before you tell me whatever I need to know about non-Council stuff, if you really think you''re leaving during the day on Tuesday, can you ask Grandma to take Isnomi tonight? I get that she''ll want to say good bye and all, but she can do that while you''re awake, and..." Saffron silenced me by pulling my head back and kissing me.


    When she pulled away she said, "no."


    I wilted a little. "Okay."


    The Grin crept across her face. "I won''t be asking her that, because I asked her two days ago and she''s already agreed. More importantly?"


    I had no fucking clue what would be more important than that right now, but I wasn''t about to argue with that Grin. "Yeah?"


    "I''m very glad you''ve gotten good at being quiet, because you''re stupider than you constantly claim to be if you think you''re getting out of this bed before I''ve had my fill of you."


    I''ve said it before, I''ll say it again. Saffron is best wife.

 Day One Hundred And Thirty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    Shit fuck goddammit fucking fucker goddamn fucking fuckity fuck. Whoever said swearing reduces stress lied. I still don''t feel better. Okay, that''s a lie, I feel a little better, but this still sucks.


    Yeah, Saffron was right.


    Yesterday I spent the morning running laps with the troops, then the afternoon running errands for Loki. I think he was trying to distract me from Saffron''s upcoming deployment. It worked for a little bit, but by mid-afternoon I''d gotten a little glum anyhow. He sent me home early, with instructions to spend the rest of the day focused on Saffron. Divine Commands to that effect, even.


    No dreams last night. Hard to dream without sleep. No complaints, mind you, but no sleep either.


    When Grandma Aetos brought Isnomi back in the morning, we fussed over her, took turns feeding her, then trooped down to breakfast, all of us in uniform.


    Speaking of uniforms, remember way back when I first went wandering, the day I met Loki, when I saw the bus bringing the only-marginally-rich-kids to the Academy? I mentioned then that the bus had a gray roof, and speculated on whether the uniforms had a gray hat. No such luck. Metallic gray, apparently. Phileo Heroes in the field, especially during wartime, wear helmets.


    I know because Marie brought Saffron hers during breakfast. Along with their normal cartloads of food, the Maids delivered the final piece of the uniform to the Cadets who didn''t have their own custom tailored uniforms. I mean, I''m pretty sure Saffron''s is custom tailored, but that''s ''cause something about the metal bits reminds me of Jon''s work, and the lining is way nicer than you''d expect from a one-size-fits-all helmet. The embroidered monogram in the lining was a pretty big clue as well, just in case Marie hand delivering it wasn''t enough of one. Despite the rest of the table clamoring for her to put it on, she set it beside her tray and kept eating. When the others got a little insistent, she said, "it''s rude to wear a helmet inside. It''s not like the Academy is under direct attack at the moment."


    Of course that meant once breakfast finished, instead of heading up to class the way we probably should have, we all followed her down to the staging area behind the Academy. I handed Isnomi to her, then stepped back to the room. The Smith stood there, Vulcan''s case in hand, a leather carrying strap around it. "I rather thought Mom would be needing this."


    I took it from him, then pulled him in for a quick hug. "Thank you, son." Still fuckin'' weird to call somebody who looks twice my age and is probably thirty times older than me ''son'', but fuck it, I said I''m gonna, so I''m gonna. When I let go, he''d blushed a little bit.


    "I''d come say farewell, but I suspect my presence might prove disruptive."


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    I nodded, "if you''re not comfortable with it, I won''t force you. I''ll let her know you''re thinking of her. If you want to join us, just let me know and I''ll come get you." He shook his head and retreated to his workshop. I stepped back to the staging area and handed over Vulcan''s case.


    Isnomi reached to pat it in passing, hand hovering until I nodded. "Ba bada." She ran one hand along the case, then patted it before reaching for me.


    I pulled Saffron in for a kiss; when she stepped away she introduced the men and women in her unit. "Ladies and gentlemen, this is my wife Tabitha and our daughter Isnomi. Tabitha, Isnomi, these are the Volunteers and Sergeant I''ve been assigned to lead. Volunteers Thomas, Richard, Harold, Gertrude," she nodded to the four hirsute, heavyset Volunteers in the first row who''d armed themselves with shields and spears. "Volunteers Vivian, Taylor, Trion, Darren," her first row of crossbows; also carrying slung spears and shields. "Veteran Mary, Sergeant Victor, Veteran Jack," the second row of bowmen, with a slot just to the left of center waiting for her. "Volunteers Schwartz, Timothy, Saul, and Sandra."


    "Good to meet you all. Keep my wife safe, please?" Yeah, kinda lame thing to say, but I couldn''t think of anything else.


    Sergeant Victor nodded and touched his cap; it looked like some kind of rigid leather. "Don''t worry, miss. We''ll see her safely there and back again."


    Saffron slipped her own helmet on; it covered the top, back, and sides of her head, with a hinged jawpiece that covered her cheeks and chin without obstructing her vision. I understood why; between spellcasting and giving orders, she needed her face and vision clear, but I really wished it covered her face a bit more. Then she stepped up to me, hopping up to sling one arm around my neck and kiss me one last time before heading out. The metal chin guard pressed into my jaw, but I didn''t give one solitary shit about that as I wrapped one arm around her and hugged her to me, savoring the taste of her mouth and the tangle of her tongue with mine. Somewhere in a world that didn''t matter I heard cheering from her unit and the ROTCs who''d followed us down but nothing broke my focus on Saffron until a clickety clack like dozens of metallic ants climbing over one another came from my other arm, where Isnomi perched.


    We broke our liplock to look to the menace, whose tiara had expanded to cover pretty much the same areas as Saffron''s helm. "Dadah!" Then she tried to glomp into Saffron''s arms.


    I held Isnomi back, but she managed to get her arms around Saffron''s head, and Saffron hugged her close for a minute before whispering, "I have to go now, my girl. You watch over Momma and keep her safe while I''m gone, and I''ll be back before you know it."


    Isnomi patted Saffron''s cheeks with her palms, nodding, and said, "Ah ga dih, Ma. Ah la va."


    Saffron smiled. "I love you too, my girl." She turned to me. "I love you."


    "I love you, Saffron Aetos. Come back safe."


    She just nodded, stepped to her unit, and ordered them to march to their place in the column of troops already headed for the Boulevard. We watched until she went around the Academy, then I sprinted through the building, Isnomi clutched to my side, charging up the stairs until I got to the roof access. Together Isnomi and I stood on the roof; I pointed out Saffron in the midst of the troops below; though the unit around her blocked most of our view, Vulcan''s case stood out enough for us to pick her out of the crowd. We watched, waving, until she passed out of sight when she turned off the Boulevard onto Vine.


    I wouldn''t cry. I couldn''t; I had to keep it together for Isnomi.


    A tiny hand touched my cheek, wiped a tear away. "Ma ga, mama. See ga dih."


    Fuck.

 Day One Hundred And Thirty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know that old saying about ''you''ll have to get up way earlier in the morning to pull one over on me''? Yeah, I never thought that would be, like, literal practical life advice. Especially the add-on of ''better yet, stay up all night''.


    So late yesterday afternoon I went looking for Marie with the menace in tow. Found her down in the laundry mending a whole pile of uniforms. Still kind of amazed at her level of stitch-witchery. Before I interrupted her, I watched her put a patch under a worn spot on the inner thigh of a pair of slacks. I mean, I get that they''ve obviously got swatches of the original cloth, and whatever laundry magic they pull off manages to keep stuff from fading, but somehow after she finished there just wasn''t a worn spot. I couldn''t even see the stitches. Just ''there used to be a thin spot, and now there''s not''. Freaky. Anyway, when she set that pair down I called out, "Marie?"


    She looked up, setting the slacks down and slipping her needles and thread into the pockets of her apron. "Yes?"


    "I''m gonna need you to watch Isnomi tonight and tomorrow."


    Before Marie could even open her mouth to reply, Isnomi clamped down on my arm and hollered, "NA! NA! Ma sa wa Mama! Key Mama say!" For the next minute or so Marie and I wrestled with the menace, trying to get her off of my arm without hurting her, while she screamed at the top of her lungs the whole time. Tears leaked from her eyes, splattering all over both of us as she shook her head.


    I held up a hand for Marie to stop. I looked down at the limpet on my arm and said, "are you afraid I won''t come back?" She didn''t respond, just buried her face in my arm. I looked to Marie, "is anything you''re doing critical to the war effort or keeping the Academy running?"


    She shrugged, "No."


    "Okay then. Meet me at the Entrance in five minutes?"


    She paused, "Ten?"


    I nodded. "Okay, ten then." I looked back to Isnomi, who still clung to me, sniffling, her face pressed into my shoulder. "Menace?" She peeked up, still sniffling. "You can come along, but once we get there you''ll have to sit with Marie and be quiet. Can you do that?" She nodded, still choking down sobs. Either she''d gotten way better at putting on a show, or this hadn''t been one. "Promise?"


    "Ah pomis." She nodded again as she said it, her stubborn little jaw setting as she did.


    "Okay, then. We''ve got to go get changed. See you in ten minutes, Marie."


    With the extra few minutes, I walked up to our cell and spent the time putting Isnomi into a clean uniform, then using a touch of Divine Loki-magic to erase the accumulated grime from The Dress and her boots. Before we left, I stepped over to our shrine and just stood there, one hand against Saffron''s midnight dress. Isnomi toddled over and hugged the boots while I did. I looked down and held out my arms. "I miss her too, menace. Time to go make sure she''s not disappointed in us when she gets home."


    We got to the Entrance to find Headmaster Miles speaking with the Guard. He looked up to see the three of us heading toward him and said, "it''s a bit late to be heading out, don''t you think, Cadet Diaz?"


    I hooked the thumb of the hand not carrying the Menace in the waist of The Dress. "Councilwoman Diaz wants to be early to tomorrow''s Council Meeting."


    He nodded. "Very early. You realize the Meeting can''t start until Wotansday?"


    "Yep. Which starts at sundown."


    He nodded again. "Will you need my support?"


    I stopped, surprised by his open offer, then shook my head, "I appreciate it, but I think it''d be better if I tried to wrangle things on my own. Don''t get me wrong, I''d love any help you can give me, but you''ve got work to do here, right?"


    He made a throwing-away gesture. "I could delegate. Send word if you need me."


    I nodded, saluted him, and said, "will do," before leading the others out the door. Once we stood outside, the sunset casting the shadow of the Academy halfway down the Boulevard, I took Marie''s hand, pulled her forward, and stepped into the Council chambers.


    A big dude in a tailored suit stood in front of the lectern holding the Register. I handed Isnomi off to Marie, who moved half a step behind and to my side as I walked up to the guy, looked up into his eyes, and said, "move."


    He shook his head, "Guild Master McCann told me to hold this spot for him."


    I smiled up at him. "Guild Master McCann isn''t here right now. I am."


    He snorted. "Yeah, what, you''re gonna beat me up if I don''t move?"


    I shook my head, "I''ve been told I shouldn''t threaten anybody. Overtly. So I''m gonna make one last try at being polite. Please move. You''re in my spot."


    He placed one hand on the lectern. "Boss gave me orders. I''m not gonna move unless you move me."


    I sighed, one arm akimbo, the other just kinda dangling against my bare thigh. "Bribes aren''t gonna work either, are they?"


    I swear, I hadn''t really thought about The Dress that way for a while, but he glanced down, then back up at the top of my head. "Nope. Boss would have my nuts in a sling."


    I swayed my way up to him, taking my hand off my hip and putting it against my bottom lip like I was thinking or some shit. "Oh, but think about where they''d get to be before then."


    He glanced down again, groaned, then turned his back on me. "Nope. Sorry, miss, but I''ve probably got a daughter your age."


    I stood on tiptoe and got as close behind him as I could without touching him, then breathed out, "Probably?"


    He shuddered and shrugged without looking at me. "Her mom and I had a thing when we were younger. But her mom had a lot of things with a lot of guys. So, y''know, probably."


    "Sounds more like maybe to me."


    He shook his head again, "sorry, miss. Just can''t do it. No offense intended."


    I sighed and dropped back onto my heels. "Well. Shit. Marie?"


    "Yes."


    "Can you hide a body his size?"


    "Yes." Her answer, given in a completely matter-of-fact tone, pulled his head around. He looked past me, finally seeing her and recognizing her for what she was as he tipped his chin back to look her in the eyes.


    "She''s with you?"


    I shrugged. "My daughter wanted to come along with me to the Council Meeting, and I needed a nanny to hold her so I can do all the Register stuff."


    He looked down at me after glancing even further up at Isnomi where she rode with one leg over each of Marie''s shoulders, her head poking out to one side of Marie''s. "You''d kill a guy in front of your daughter?"


    "Honestly? I was thinking of having her do it. She didn''t promise her mom that she''d try not to kill anybody while she was gone."


    He chuckled, and I''m not sure what he saw next, but his eyes popped open and he took an involuntary half step back. I didn''t look back at Isnomi or Marie, but I did hear that kinda distinct snicker-snack of her doing her shark-jaw thing. She might have spoiled it by giggling, but he took another half-step back, at which point I jumped into the gap between him and the Register. "Thanks, sweetie." I turned, reached out, and got two armfuls of Menace glomping on me. When I turned back to the big guy, he''d stepped back to one of the closer seats. "Not gonna try to move me?"


    He laughed, "McCann''s gonna be pissed at me for moving, but he''s not paying me enough to shove a Councilwoman."


    So we spent the rest of the night there, with me standing in front of the Register, the big guy, one ''Large Louis Teamster'' by name, sitting on a bench directly in front of the lectern, and Marie alternating between standing next to me and sitting just shy of an arm''s reach from Louis. Isnomi spent most of the night orbiting the three of us; the little charmer even managed to coax him into holding her while she napped at one point. Right about when I saw the first hints of dawn through the roof above, I pointed to Louis and said, "Don''t move," stepped to the Dining Hall long enough to grab an armful of black loaves, then stepped back to the Register''s lectern. I tossed him one of the still-warm loaves, tossed Marie another two, which she shoved into her apron pockets, since the Menace had fallen asleep glomped to the back of her head. I tore into the remaining ones, managing to finish the last one just as a big fuckin'' guy in an expensive suit waddled into the room surrounded by another three big guys.


    He walked over to Louis, looked at me, then at Marie, then back to Louis, and shook his head. "Louis?"


    He stood, clearly offering his seat to McCann. "Sorry, sir. She conned me."


    I shrugged when McCann glanced my way. "Maybe a mix of ''threatened'' and ''tricked'', really. Don''t give him a hard time. I offered to bribe him and he turned me down."


    McCann snorted. "With what I pay him? You can''t afford enough to bribe him." I just gave him a ''really?'' look, putting one hand on my bare hip to drive the point home. He looked back to Louis as he sat, saying, "at least I know who I can send to deal with Alexa if I need to." That got a short laugh out of everybody except Marie. Speaking of, he looked to her and frowned. "What is she doing in a Councilperson''s seat?"


    The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    Before I could answer, she turned to him and set off all my ''oh shit'' alarms at once. I bullshitted like somebody else''s life depended on it. "She''s holding a spot for the Headmaster if he shows up."


    He nodded, "sounds fair. Just never seen a Maid out of the Academy before."


    "You didn''t see us wandering around on the Equinox?"


    He shook his head, "my family and I have a private ceremony. Well, open to the Teamsters, and a lot of them join us, but it''s at my villa across the Schuylkill."


    "Cool that you let your guys join you for that."


    He frowned at me. "Not everybody has the money to hire a priest for themselves, or to get a seat at one of the big Temples."


    I laughed, "shit, you know that''s right. I had one change of clothes and had lost my bag at the bottom of the river when I managed to get into the Academy."


    His face softened. "You''re from the Yards?"


    I shrugged. "More or less. My parents both died when I was little, I slept wherever I could find a spot after that."


    He frowned, folding his arms across his expansive chest. "Damn. I try to have my guys keep eyes out for kids like you. But some of you always fall through the cracks."


    I laughed, "you would not believe me if I told you how much not your fault I was. But if you want to make it up to me?"


    He looked at me, suddenly guarded, "yeah?"


    "Tell me, what would it take for you to propose a declaration of war against New Amsterdam?"


    He barked out a laugh. "I feel a little bad about your situation, but not bad enough to declare war with New Amsterdam, even if they''re the ones responsible for it?"


    I shook my head again, "Nope. Also not what I asked you for. I just want to know what you''d need. Favors? Promises? Boons? Wild romp with a Maenad and Loki''s Champion? Money?"


    I knew I''d misstepped when the laugh that started when I''d talked about romping shut down, hard. "You think this is about money for me?"


    "I dunno, man. That''s what I''m asking. What is it about for you?"


    The incipient fury leaked out of his expression, but the deep anger remained. "The guys you recruited. The ones that used to work for me. They''re my people. Friends. Family. I look out for them. And you''ve gone and put them in harm''s way."


    I raised my hands, palms out, shaking my head, "No, yeah, I get that. I agree with you, even. Thing is?"


    I waited for him to say, "yeah?"


    "We didn''t start this shit. I dunno how much you''ve heard, but New Amsterdam''s got their Army out along the border, and their ships bottling us up at the mouth of the Delaware. Hell, they''d probably be pushing up the Delaware if we hadn''t gotten word early from the fishermen."


    "Yeah, another bunch of working stiffs you''ve drafted into this thing."


    I put my hands down, but resisted the urge to ball them into fists by putting my elbows behind me, leaning against the edge of the lectern. "Yeah, no. They told me it wasn''t safe for them to go fishing, because the ''Damn Navy was threatening them. I worked out a way for them to get paid enough to feed their kids while they couldn''t fish. Fuck, most of them aren''t even on the line; they''re just ferrying supplies upriver."


    McCann grunted. "You say that like you had a hand in it personally."


    "Because I fuckin'' did. Talk to Joseph Pesce. He might work for you, but he brought his daughter to me."


    He shook his head like a bull trying to shake off a fly. "His daughter''s alive."


    "Fuckin'' right she is."


    I dunno what he thought about that, but after a second he shook his head again, sighed, and said, "You don''t get it. I don''t think you can get it. How can I vote to put my boys and girls at the front in harms way?"


    I took a deep breath, let it out slowly through my nose. This dude wasn''t trying to hurt anybody, he just had a little bit of completely understandable head-in-the-sand syndrome. Time to grab him by the ass and pull. I closed my eyes. "My wife is out there with the Army. I don''t have anybody else close like that. Just her, Marie, and Isnomi." I opened my eyes and, before he could say anything, continued. "So yeah, I''ve got skin in this game. Maybe more than you, maybe not, but it''s there. Thing is? New Amsterdam doesn''t give a fuck how much we care about them. They''ll kill them just as dead whether we''ve declared war or not. But so long as we haven''t declared war? Your boys and girls? My wife? Our people? They''re fighting with one hand tied behind their backs."


    I watched that big bastard, who had to have at least two hundred pounds of muscle under the two hundred of fat wrapped around it, who surrounded himself with four big assed tough motherfucking dock workers in high priced suits. I saw the moment he broke, a tear sliding down the side of his nose before he snorted and blew it away. "We end it as soon as they''ll end it."


    I shook my head. "We end it as soon as they''ll agree not to start shit again the moment our backs are turned." When he looked up at that, I said, "Calverton''s been looking like they''re gonna start shit, and Alexa''s Goddess'' bed buddy''s High Priest fucked off to there. Even if I were the bloodthirstiest bitch in the world, I''d still need to save soldiers for when that shit goes down."


    "So you''re gonna want me to support another war after this one? When the fuck will it end?"


    I shook my head again. "No. I want to kick the ''Damn Army''s ass so hard and so fast that Calverton City gets a sudden rush of brains to the head and backs the fuck off instead of starting shit."


    He sucked in a huge lungful of air. Before I could say anything else, he raised a hand and let it all out in one long, drawn out breath. "Shit." I waited while he hashed it out in his own head. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed other Councilpersons filing in to seats. Almost nobody in the upper tiers where Heroes tended to sit. Maybe half of the ones I''d seen last week had already claimed seats lower down. "You want me to call this when?"


    "Soon as the Vincents and Alexa get here, you call for us to convene, then call for the vote. Let everybody else bicker about it after."


    A young tenor behind me laughed out loud at that. "Holy shit, you want to rub Alexa''s face in this enough to let her vote against it?" I turned to see Vincent the Elder settling into his seat, his bespectacled son paused halfway through doing so, still chuckling.


    "Yeah, if only to drive home how her goddess'' bitch boy husband ran off to Calverton instead of manning up and getting his ass on the line."


    Vincent frowned at that. At a guess, the head of the Guard''s Guild had a War God as his patron, maybe even Ares himself. His son, on the other hand, wheezed out another laugh. "Holy shit, I think I''d vote for war just for the mental image of you slapping the ''Damn Army around with those gigantic cajones of yours."


    A twitch of my leg toward him, and I stood within kissing distance of him, my face just far enough away I didn''t deafen him when I said loud enough to carry, "that could be arranged." I stepped back before anyone could think about grabbing my spot by the Register.


    Vincent Senior looked thoughtful a moment while his son adjusted himself and took a seat. When he spoke, his voice creaked through the room like he risked breaking down into coughing at any moment. "So we lose a Priest of War to gain a Priestess of Tricksters?"


    And fishermen, remind him.


    "The Boss says to remind you that he''s a God of fishermen, too."


    More than one of the Council glanced around at that, like they half expected to see Loki hiding in a corner of the round room. One or two even clutched at their pockets, like they expected him to be working the seated crowd. I mean, not like he couldn''t find a way to stand in the corner of a round room or pick the pocket somebody was sitting on, but, like, fuck, the weird things people who don''t do shady shit think shady people do.


    Nobody had anything to say about Loki''s claiming the fishermen, so we sat there for a while, me leaning against the Register, Marie half-napping while seated upright, the other Councilpersons talking quietly, and Isnomi squirming down to toddle over to McCann and strike up a mostly-nonsensical conversation. After around a half an hour, Vincent the younger tapped on the far side of the lectern to get my attention. "Councilwoman?"


    I flipped around to face him, leaning on the lectern, forgetting what that did to The Dress'' already stupidly revealing cleavage until I watched him very deliberately winch his gaze back up to meet mine. "Forgive me," he murmured, "I''d hoped to speak regarding a private matter, but it seems I find you too distracting to retain even the slightest amount of discretion."


    I rolled a shoulder in a half-shrug as I openly looked him up and down. He rocked the nerd look pretty solidly with the scribe''s robes, permanent ink-stains on his hands, and the spectacles, but even with the robe I could tell he''d inherited at least a little of his dad''s soldier-bod. "Discretion''s overrated. Come talk to me and the wife when the war''s over."


    What? I''d gone two nights without sleep, one without the warm body I''d gotten really used to sleeping next to, and used up all of my social batteries on coaxing McCann''s head out of his ass.


    He blinked owlishly behind his spectacles, his cheeks got the cutest shade of pink, and he stuttered, "I... ah... yes... ah... I''ll be certain to do as you''ve advised, Speaker."


    At that point, everybody in the room turned as the main doors crashed open, a tall, voluptuous blonde sashaying through them followed by half a dozen lackeys. "Hello, everyone! I''ve arrived, so the party can begin!"


    Before she could say anything else, McCann stood and called out, "Councilperson Diaz, I move to convene this meeting of the Phileo City Council." Every hand in the room except those around Aphrodite''s High Priestess shot up, a clear majority without bothering to count. "You all in favor of that?" At the collected nods, as Alexa''s mouth opened, I called out "majority''s in favor, this Council is hereby Convened."


    I nodded to McCann, and again interrupting Aphrodite''s bitch, he called out, "Speaker, based on their aggressive actions toward us, I propose a vote to officially declare war on New Amsterdam and Newark."


    I nodded, and before anybody could pull any bullshit, declared, "I call for a vote. All in favor of declaring war on New Amsterdam and Newark until such time as they surrender or are willing to negotiate a formal peace wherein they will abstain from further aggressive actions for the immediate future, raise your hands."


    Most of the hands hadn''t actually gone all the way down, but Alexa called out, "Speaker, I must protest! A vote on such an important topic demands a roll call vote!"


    I sucked at my teeth a moment, glancing around the room quickly. Vincent Senior, who''d raised his own hand, gave me the tiniest of nods when I met his eyes. "Fine. Let''s get this over with." I started down the list of names, noting the ones that hadn''t arrived as ''abstains'', marking down each vote as it was cast. As I worked my way through the list, a sense of languid fatigue drifted across me. It didn''t shock me that I''d be a little wonky after two nights without sleep, but I noticed even Vincent the younger nodding a little. I glanced at Alexa to see her sitting there, perky as could be, a sly smile stretching her lips.


    "Marie? Come here a moment."


    She stood and walked the two steps it took her to reach my side. "Marie, you''re officially Loki''s Councilwoman. Hold the lectern for me."


    She blinked, but put one hand on each of the upper corners of the lectern, her claws idly rapping against the center of it where she stretched them. I stalked over to stand in front of Alexa, who drew herself upright. Another wave of completely non-physical heat washed over me, and her smile turned sultry. "Poor Tabitha. No one to comfort you, with your wife so very far away."


    I spun on my heel, my back to her a moment, and pointed at Vincent the younger. "Vincent!"


    He jerked upright. "Yes, Councilwoman?"


    I grinned at him, and some of Isnomi''s shark grin might have come through. Some of Saffron''s Grin as well. "Do NOT forget what you agreed to, capice?"


    "Of course not, Councilwoman."


    "Call me Diaz." Before he could respond to that I spun back to Alexa. Or, rather, Aphrodite sock puppetting her High Priestess. "You''re absolutely right, it''s been a whole twenty four hours since I last got to engage in some mutual virtue removal and ravaging. As you might imagine, I''m getting a little testy. Maybe even a little anxious? But y''know, before you and I make a whole big mess in the middle of the Council chamber, there''s one really important question you should answer."


    "Oh? And what''s that?" she asked, leaning forward and arching enough that she suffered an immediate dual wardrobe malfunction.


    I leaned into her, my mouth right up against her ear, not giving a fuck about her hearing when I announced to the room, "did Ares run the fuck away before or after he saw Artemis'' nose?"


    You could have heard a fucking pin drop in the silence that followed that. Everybody definitely heard the snapping hiss-crackle of a thin Mana Blade sliding out of my finger. "You dare draw a weapon against me in these Council chambers!" For all the volume in her shriek, it just didn''t have the same intensity as Artemis or Odin''s.


    Besides, she''d taken exactly the bait I''d hoped she would. I pulled back, looked at my finger in mock confusion, then shook my head before stage-growling, "this? Oh, sweetie, the hottest thing Saffron ever did to me was with one of these."


    She leaned way the fuck back, horror filling her eyes, then draining away to leave them empty and faintly confused. The pervasive impulse to fuck everything in sight drained away with her.


    "I think I''m supposed to vote against the declaration of war?"


    I nodded to her, dispersing my Mana Blade and patting her gently on the cheek. "Thank you, Councilwoman. I''ll be sure to note that in the record."


    Other than twelve hours of really boring speeches? The rest of the Council Meeting went really smoothly after that, even the bits where Isnomi insisted on sitting atop the lectern. Wonder of wonders, nobody bitched about that, either.


    Maybe I''m getting the hang of this ''politics'' thing?

 Day One Hundred And Thirty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    Just when things are getting intolerably weird and upsetting, hauntingly familiar shit happens and somehow makes it weirder by being normal.


    So after the war vote went through, I let the Council members talk to their heart''s content. Alexa proposed a vote for un-declaring war, which I ignored both times she did it. The second time Vincent Senior proposed a vote to gag Alexa. I''m really not sure exactly how he intended it, but I didn''t call for that vote, either, since she shut the fuck up after that. Okay, I mean, she didn''t shut up, but she stopped trying to undo our declaration of war. Eventually, well after the sun set, I called for a vote to reconvene in two weeks. At that point there were only like half a dozen people left in the room, and Vincent Junior, McCann, Marie and I carried the motion.


    I turned to her, took her hand, and a step later we stood back at home in our cell. I focused on Saffron and thought, Kitten?


    A few seconds later, I got a distracted, yet relieved, yes, love? in return.


    Just checking in to be sure you''re okay.


    I''m fine. Given the pace Lancaster''s setting and the time we took to set up a defensive camp for the night, the ''Damn Army might die of old age before we get there. How did the Council Meeting go?


    I had to cudgel my sleep deprived brain to come up with a coherent answer. I managed to toss out, we''re officially at war now. McCann joined us, only caveat is that we''ve got to accept a surrender or any peace deal that includes them fucking off and not coming back.


    Excellent! In fact, just a moment. A second later she stepped into the room, leapt up to put her arms around my neck and kissed me thoroughly. She didn''t even flinch when her tackle knocked me backward onto the bed. When she came up for air I just smiled sleepily up at her. "So, did Alexa give you any trouble?"


    I shook my head, then remembered. "Oh, shit. I may have soft-committed us to considering happening to somebody once the war''s done."


    She pulled back, her nose scrunching up. "With Alexa? Goddess, I thought we were joking about you not having standards."


    I shook my head. "No, not her. I mean, she''s not un-hot, but I dunno, that''d be like a blow up doll or some shit. Nah, I might have done a little reflexive flirting with Vincent Junior."


    She paused, thought for half a second, then barked out a laugh. "Oh, my. I think someone has a type."


    "Huh?"


    "Tabitha Diaz, Layer of Nerds."


    I couldn''t be bothered to struggle as she held me down and rained little kisses on my face while she laughed. "Not fair. Marie''s not a nerd." I looked at her. "Are you?"


    She just shrugged and grinned. "Maybe."


    Saffron paused. "You know, you''re normally a little more responsive than this. I don''t exactly have a lot of time I can be away."


    I grunted. "So. Tired."


    She raised an eyebrow. "How early did you get up?"


    I thought about it for long enough for her to open her mouth to ask again before mumbling, "Monday?"


    She shook her head, then chuckled a little. "So you''re not really up to being an active participant in anything."


    "Wanna."


    "I''ve no doubt you want to, but while your spirit is willing, your flesh has apparently hit its limit." She pushed herself up, walked over to Marie, and claimed Isnomi. She carried her over to her little bed, lay her down, and jostled her just enough for the menace''s eyes to slip open.


    "Ma!"


    "I''m only here for long enough to tuck you in. Will you be a good girl for me and go right to sleep? I''ll be so very sad if I think I left you here awake."


    Isnomi lifted her arms and said, "huk."


    Saffron knelt down and put her arms around the little one, holding her for a bit, until Isomi broke away and curled up on her bed. Saffron pulled her blankets over her and kissed her on the head. "I love you, my girl. Be good for Momma and Marie while I''m away."


    "La ya. Niy niy."


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    Saffron stood and walked over to me, then knelt by our bed and kissed my forehead as well. "Be good for Marie while I''m gone, Goof."


    I chuckled. "Love you. Night night."


    She smiled, stood, and asked, "you''re too keyed up to sleep, aren''t you?"


    "Kinda locked down so I didn''t fall asleep at the lectern, yeah."


    She nodded and turned to Marie. "Once the little one is asleep, make sure she gets to sleep."


    "Yes."


    She gave Marie a hug and kiss, then stepped away and was gone. I''ll be here if you need me, but I really do need to stay with my unit most of the time.


    Right back at you, Kitten.


    Then Marie descended on me. I was gonna make some kind of Isnomi-based protest, but she''d already started snoring. Oh noes. Marie-administered happy-ending-assured massage until I passed out!


    I really didn''t think I''d get more of a ''win at life'' than that, what with Saffron being away and all, but at breakfast the next morning, which was surprisingly carb-based, with pancakes and waffles and something not entirely unlike French toast, Doc DeLeon sent a runner down to get me. I still hadn''t completely recovered from sixty hours of non-stop go, but I trudged my way up there. "Good Morning, Cadet Diaz."


    "Good Morning, Doctor DeLeon. What can I do for you?" I took a look at his plate for lack of anything else to do; either he''d eaten before he called me up, or he''d decided to go light on the carbo-loading this morning.


    He leaned over so he could speak low enough for the rest of the high table not to hear. I leaned in and he murmured, "you''re my only student today, and frankly you''ve already finished everything I teach in the class. Would you mind doing something a little unconventional today?"


    I didn''t have enough give a shit left in the tank to be suspicious. Worst case, he wanted to bump uglies and was bad at it, in which case I''d sick Marie on him when I was done explaining his inadequacy. Best case, maybe I''d get a day off. "Sure."


    "Excellent!" He sat back up. "Could you find Marie and send her up here?"


    "Sure." I nodded and wandered off in search of my Maenad. Maybe pointing Marie at him wouldn''t be as much of a punishment as I thought. Hell, maybe he didn''t want to poach or something. Whatever, I found Marie as she brought another load of incredibly perfect waffles in, stole two waffles, and told her Doc DeLeon wanted to talk to her. She grinned at me, nodded, and under the guise of slapping at my hands away from her cargo managed to gift me another waffle.


    "What did Doc want?" Bill asked.


    "No clue. Apparently everybody else in my class today is off to war, so he''s setting something special up?"


    "Ooh. Have fun with your one-on-one time with the Academy''s biggest Law-Nerd, Diaz."


    I just stared at Bill, low key horrified, at least as much by my own recently discovered fetish as anything he''d implied.


    Breakfast ended. I trudged up to Intermediate Heroics, wondering if I''d wind up having to confess yet another Happening to Saffron, and at what point she''d get sick of it. Somehow, even though I''d left first, Doc DeLeon managed to beat me to the classroom, and by the time I got there he had a bunch of tables pushed together in the middle of the room, with a big piece of cloth holding them together like one big table. When he saw me enter, he raised his arms in greeting. "Cadet Diaz! Forgive the breach in formality, please, but may I call you Tabitha?"


    "Sure." Yeah, I get monosyllabic when I''m tired and maybe a little anxious.


    "Then you must simply call me Miguel, at least until your classmates return. There''s a bit of a tradition here at Phileo Heroic, one I''ve not had the opportunity to indulge in prior to today."


    I raised an eyebrow. "Do tell."


    "You might want to loosen up your uniform a bit. No one here to see but the two of us, and..." as he spoke, he loosened up the knot holding his robe snug; not enough to open it entirely, but definitely enough to be loose and breezy under there.


    Just before I pushed myself to decide which stupid decision I was gonna make, I heard the distinctive sound of Marie''s cart wheels. A moment later, the smells hit me like a tsunami. Spices. Sugar. Fruit. Starch baked into sweetness. Pastry. All of it rolled over me in waves until I barely heard the menace announce herself with a hearty, "DAHDA!"


    "Ah! Here''s our senior Maenad with our first selections! As I was saying, on the day of harvest festival, the professor and class with the best academic performance traditionally gets to taste test all the desserts as the kitchens finish with them. Well, the meats and sides as well, but frankly I''m biased toward desserts."


    Marie started unloading her cart, pie after pie on the big table in the middle of the room. Apple. Pumpkin. Sweet Potato. Pecan. Cherry. Peach. Lemon. Meringue. I lost track of how many she put out, but before I took even the first bite a realization hit me.


    Kitten?


    Yes, love?


    Are you doing anything that you need to focus on?


    I''m walking. On a road, more or less. Surrounded on all sides by soldiers. So, other than ''not tripping and being trampled'', not really.


    Damn. I''m not sure I should distract you with this. I''d ask you to step over, but I think somebody''d notice.


    Somehow she managed to get a sigh to come through our mental link. Out with it, Goof. if you''re Just Happening to someone, I''ll be pissed if I''m missing it.


    Oh, no, not exactly. Oh, wait a minute. I leaned over to Marie, "Is that a chocolate pie?" At her nod, I asked, "can you get me a slice of that one?" She plated it up and handed me an honest-to-god fork to eat it with.


    Goof, if you do not explain yourself right now I may wax wroth with you.


    Got your path picked out? This might be distracting.


    NOW, Goof.


    I shot sight, smell, sound, touch, and especially taste as I tucked into Marie''s chocolate pie. For a bliss filled minute I heard little whimpers coming through our link. Then the pie was gone, and I looked across the rest of the spread.


    Goof.


    Yes, Kitten?


    I will now have to lie to my unit and tell them I''ve been whimpering because of blisters on my feet or something.


    You want me to stop?


    Dial it back to just taste, touch, and smell, please. Also?


    Yes, Kitten?


    I will be deeply disappointed if you don''t still taste of all that next time I get to taste you.


    Aye aye, Ma''am. Stand by to receive transmission.


    I have the best wife.


    No you.


    We will discuss this at length later. For now? Eat. Eat like your life depends on it!


    And, because I am a dutiful wife who doesn''t ever do anything to upset my woman, I did so.

 Day One Hundred and Thirty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know how last Friday I bitched about wanting my old Fridays back? Yeah, fuck life. It gives me my old Fridays back when the best part of them is deployed to go-fuck-yourself-istan.


    So after binging on pie and cake and turkey and ham all day yesterday, I collapsed into bed and fell directly the fuck asleep the moment my head hit the pillow. Thankfully with Saffron gone, Marie''s decided to sleep over pretty much every night, and she''s way better at getting Insomi to sleep than I am. At any rate, head hit pillow, I fell asleep, and I lay there all night trying to focus on my psychedelic tadpoles rather than the itchy shit going on across my left side. Weird thing, the whole sensation from the tadpoles reminded me of something, but despite trying to remember all night, no joy. Well before false dawn lit the sky in the east, an entirely different sensation woke me up.


    I opened one eye to see the menace looking back up at me, trying to get her nom on. I shook my head, sighed, and Mimicked Saffron. "You know, Menace, at some point we''re gonna have to teach you about personal space. Maybe after you''re done nursing. Which ought to be done soon, right?" She gave me such a horrified look that the nipple dropped out of her mouth. I ruffled her hair and snuggled her. "Chill, Menace. I mean ''soon'' like ''in a couple months'', not like, ''before the week is over''." She let out the cutest little sigh of relief, then went back to her morning nom.


    Yeah, it''s still kinda weird, but I''m getting used to the weirdness of it. The closeness of it required zero getting used to; somehow it really drove home the whole ''I''m a Mom now'' thing. Well, okay, according to the offspring in question, I''m Momma, but still, you get my point.


    So after we lay there a while with her getting her nom on and me getting my mom on, I shifted us both to the floor and cuddled up with Marie. She rooched around to surround both of us and went back to sleep for a bit. Dunno how long I lay there like that, but eventually she stretched, yawned, and got up to get dressed. I detached Isnomi and did the same. By the time Marie and I had ourselves presentable, the menace had her uniform ready for tying and buttoning. We made much of her big-girl-ness and then I sent her on her way with Marie for the day.


    I trudged my way down to breakfast. Leftover turkey and pies. Like, somebody failed to eat turkey yesterday. Shame on them. I did my part to rid the world of leftovers, then wandered up to Remedial Celtic. Lyman met me at the door, and we went in and got started showing Sister Cheryl how I now had the mad Celtic writing skillz to write up an entire enlistment contract by hand.


    "That''s fantastic, Tabitha!" After a moment of me sitting there silently, she frowned and asked, "you don''t seem pleased by your progress?"


    I couldn''t bring myself to reply, so I turned to Lyman. "I think Tabitha has something else on her mind. Or, rather, someone."


    She frowned, "you mean the two of you...?"


    He chuckled, "we''ve never really been an item, Sister. Our relationship has grown from the merely professional to something closer to friendship, but I think both of us find the idea of a romantic relationship unpleasant. Not to mention that we both have spouses we adore."


    "Spouses? But you''re so young!"


    "I''m older than I look. Sometimes I think our Tabitha is even older still, somewhere deep inside. Still, entirely aside from that, the heart goes where it wills."


    She waved her hands around, clearly distressed by the idea that two of her Remedial students were wed, and not to each other. "But... married so young! How will you deal with the inevitable challenges of married life?"


    Loki barked out a laugh. "As I said, I''m older than I look, and I''ve been wed longer than you''d believe. This is actually my third marriage, and it might have been my third divorce, had Tabitha not stepped in and acted to smooth over our troubles, remind my wife and I who we were, and why we were together."


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    Wasn''t I the cause of those troubles?


    Oh, hush. She need not know that.


    Sister Cheryl just stared at me, slack-jawed. "Really? Tabitha?"


    I forced something akin to a smile onto my face. "Yeah. I''m apparently not quite as clueless as I seem. Who knew?"


    I knew, dear Tabitha.


    Careful Boss, you might get in trouble with Sigyn again.


    I assure you, I have no intent to disrupt either of our wedded blisses.


    Yeah, but I''m all alone and melancholic and shit. Who the fuck knows what I''ll do next? Or who?


    Loki just rolled his eyes at me and turned to the Sister. "If you''re satisfied with Tabitha''s progress to this point, we''ll be on our way to continue said progress?"


    "Oh, yes, certainly. Carry on!"


    Not a lot of point with Saffron gone, Boss.


    Loki just gathered up my primer, then helped me to my feet. Trust your Patron, my Tabitha. I can fill in for her as needed.


    As we left the room, I draped myself over his arm. Like, mostly because depression had hit me hard enough I wanted the help staying upright, but you know me; never do just one thing for one reason when you can add some shit-dickery to the mix.


    Like living dangerously, don''t you, Boss?


    He just twisted his arm through some kind of contortion I couldn''t follow, one that left me tucked under his arm and snuggled up against him. He guided me back to my lonely cell, rubbing at my shoulder now and again when I started to slump. We got to my cell and stepped through the door into his cave.


    He disappeared between one step and the next, and I collapsed onto Sigyn. Okay, I kinda faceplanted directly into her cleavage.


    "Tabitha! What''s wrong?"


    From where he lay propped up on his bed of stone, staring at Sigyn''s backside, Loki groaned out, "I think she''s missing her wife."


    "What happened to Saffron?"


    "She shipped out Tuesday." I muttered directly into Sigyn''s sternum. Warm breasts encompassed my cheeks. I nuzzled in, my arms going around her.


    "Priestess Diaz, I am a happily married Goddess, and I''m not really into women in any case."


    "So''s spaghetti, until it gets wet." I murmured into her cleavage, chuckling at my own joke.


    Loki managed to groan out, "methinks our Tabitha is far more affected by the temporary absence of her wife than either of us realized before I brought her here. If you could restrain her for the moment?"


    Sigyn''s outfit, which she''d modified to be even more stripperific since she got the boots, had totally distracted me from the whole ''Norse Goddess of Victory'' thing she had going on. Despite my best efforts to engage in motorboating, she gently but firmly turned my head to the side, then pressed me to her. Enforced hug is still hug. I kinda melted a little bit.


    "Seegee!" the Menace''s squeal of joy melted me a lot more, and when she used me as a ladder to climb up and join our cuddling, I lost any semblance of self-control. I broke down crying, and she gently tugged me over to sit on the edge of Loki''s bed.


    "Sorry, beloved, but we''ll have to finish later. Rules are rules."


    I heard the smile in his voice when he said, "of course, my dearest one. I knew that when I brought them here."


    I couldn''t see his face, or even open my mouth to say anything, because the moment I turned my head I got a face full of black wool and lace, and Marie''s subsonic purr vibrated the stone.


    They held me there like that for I don''t know how long. I''d kind of gotten the idea that time passes oddly in Loki''s cave. A few minutes can seem like an eternity, and a day can pass in the blink of an eye. I cried. I laughed with more than a little hysteria in it. I laughed a lot more naturally at Isnomi''s antics with Mister Slither. I even fell asleep a few times. Marie and Sigyn never let go of me, never let me out of that warm, comforting embrace.


    Some time way later, Saffron''s voice filled my head, where have you and our little Menace run off to, Goof?


    Loki''s


    Then she was there. I lunged out of the cuddle pile and glomped onto her. Okay, I didn''t so much ''lunge out'' of the cuddle pile as ''drag all three of them with me''. We almost wound up in a pile on the floor, but between Sigyn and Marie they managed to turn our tumble into a flop back onto the bed.


    "Tabitha, what''s wrong?"


    I couldn''t speak, I just snuffled into her chest while squeezing her to me.


    "She''s not dealing well with your absence, it seems."


    Thanks, Boss.


    "Oh, sweet heart, you know I had no choice in this. Were it my choice, we would live out the rest of our lives in a little cottage by the sea, never leaving save to wander the shore together."


    "I think I may have abandonment issues." I mumbled into her jacket.


    "No, really?" She softened her words by putting her arms around my head and pulling me to her.


    "Please don''t go."


    "You know I can''t stay long, love, no matter how I yearn to."


    I didn''t quite catch what Sigyn said, but a moment later all three of them straight up power-glomped me. I couldn''t see, couldn''t move, could barely breathe. I drowned in a sea of warm, comforting darkness. Within minutes I drifted off into a deep, dreamless sleep.


    I woke back in our cell, surrounded by Marie, covered by Menace and blankets.

 Day One Hundred And Thirty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    I guess I never quite realized how deep my abandonment issues run. Not like I''d had loads of time and money for therapy back in Camden, but still not a pleasant revelation. Also, I have to deal with it now, and it''s one of those things that''s harder to deal with while you''re dealing with it.


    Yeah, I know that doesn''t make a whole lot of sense.


    So yeah, woke up kinda exhausted, but surrounded by purring present family members. Isnomi lay atop me, with a blanket over her covering both of us, and Marie had curled all the way around me. For a while I just lay there, then I drifted off to sleep again.


    Stupid itching side. Stupid scratching rocks insufficient to removing itches. Weird psychedelic tadpoles all over me in the water. One particularly intense one that hadn''t gotten the note about switching to ''comfort'' from ''titillate'' even seemed to be crawling under me away from that little rivulet of water. False dawn came, and I fought to get comfy and stay sleeping, but then real dawn followed, and my eyes snapped open.


    I wasn''t as tired as I was before, but I still hadn''t slept well. Also, waking to Isnomi''s forehead against mine with her hands on my cheeks? Utterly adorable, but also a little bit disturbing when I''d spent the night trying to get comfy. A moment after my eyes opened, she opened hers and stared into mine from point blank range. "Ga Mana, Mama."


    "Good Morning, Menace. Momma''s annoyed." Her lip shot out. "Not at you, bug. I slept bad."


    She shrugged. "Sa slip gud."


    I just rolled my eyes, scooped her up as I sat up, and Mimicked Saffron. "Not really an option, I don''t think. Still, not gonna take that out on you." I leaned back against Marie, enjoying the vibration of her purr against my back, wondering how many times somebody''d taken their bad day out on me as a kid. Probably way more than I realized, what with so many of them being randos assigned by the state, or older siblings who resented me taking up their time. Worst, I suspected even my own mom did it a time or two. Not that I blame her. Can''t be easy dealing with a ten year old poking you for attention while you died by inches.


    Still, this is how you break cycles, right?


    So I lay there and vibed with my Menace and my Maenad. I reached out with the hand that wasn''t holding Isnomi and ruffled through Marie''s hair. She nuzzled into me and purred harder. After a while I thought about the one thing that still ate at me. Saffron?


    Her reply took long enough I worried I''d woken her up. Yes, love?


    I''m sorry about yesterday.


    I got a momentary sense of disbelief, followed by a flick to the forehead. Why exactly should you be sorry?


    Because I fell apart into a complete mess?


    She managed to get a sigh to come through our connection. Goof. Such Goof. You''re apologizing for missing me?


    I kinda overdid it?


    You would not be my Goof if you didn''t do everything with everything you have. Never apologize for being you.


    I know my face got mulish. I couldn''t help it, even if a giggle tried to leak through when I stuck my bottom lip out. Me being me is why I Just Happen to people.


    Oh, no! I am reminded of things I made my peace with before they ever happened! As you might put it, I love you, dumbass. Every part of you. Even if some parts require some creative perspective shifts on my part to enjoy.


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    You shouldn''t have to shift your perspective to enjoy me.


    That got me another, firmer forehead flick. I don''t have to. I choose to. Now, I take it there was no training yesterday?


    Nope.


    Well then. I expect you to spend the day in the Practice Yard, exercising.


    I heaved out a sigh, trying not to jostle Isnomi too much. Really?


    Consider it a favor for your wife. I''ll be very disappointed with you if you don''t. There might even be tears.


    Yours or mine?


    Which would motivate you more?


    I chuckled at that despite my funk. Okay, Kitten. For you, I run.


    See that you don''t slack off. I love you, Goof.


    With that the sense of her presence left me, and I snuggled in to enjoy Marie and Isnomi''s presence until my Maenad had to get up for work. We got dressed, Isnomi crowing that she''d managed to button her own buttons, and equally annoyed that we had to unbutton them to tie her shirt and pants. I saw them both off with a snuggle and a kiss, then wandered down to breakfast. More harvest celebration leftovers, not that I complained in the slightest. After the carbo-loading to end all carbo-loading, I made my way up to the Practice Yard and ran.


    Since I had no reason to sprint, I didn''t bother, I just kept up my best ground-eating pace. For a few laps, the rest of the ROTC crew and even Rosen and Rider kept up with me. Credit where it''s due, Rider was the last one to drop back after around two dozen laps. The rest of the class went back to more interesting stuff at that point; Bill and Angel pulled out one of the weight sets, Rider and Rosen did some Tango, and the other four did isometrics. Much to my shock, surprise, and dismay, the only one left running laps, even if he couldn''t keep up with me? Fuckin'' Lancaster. Even when I declined heading down to lunch, he stuck with me. By the time sunset painted the sky, he''d dropped to a staggering walk and still had sweat running off him in waves, but credit where it''s due, he stuck with it until I decided to call it. I met him at the doors.


    "Good hustle out there, Larry."


    "Fuck... off," he panted.


    I shook my head. "You try to be nice to some guys. You need a hand getting to the Dining Hall?"


    "A Lancaster doesn''t need..." I caught him by the greasy collar of his sweat soaked uniform as his foot went out from under him.


    "You were saying?" When I heard nothing but grumbling mutters, I said, "look, I can help you down or I can let you go, doesn''t fuckin'' matter to me. But if I let you go I''m not picking you up at the bottom of the steps."


    He flailed his hands a bit, then subsided. "Fine."


    I yanked him back, stepped in front of him, and hefted him into one armed fireman''s carry. It took him a full two flights before he got his breath back enough to start complaining. "This is completely undignified!"


    "Yeah, whatever. I''m sure your tumble down the steps would have been full of dignity. If you can''t say something nice, shut up and enjoy the view. I''m told it''s pretty good. I just don''t see it. What do you think?"


    That got him to shut up until we got down to the ground floor hallway with the Dining Hall doors. "You can put me down now."


    "You sure you''re okay to walk?" I swear, I was gonna heft him around and set him on his feet, but when I asked if he was okay? The fucker straight up goosed me. So I dropped him and walked away. I mean, yeah, I could probably have gotten all high and mighty about it and gotten shit thrown his way, but after seeing all the shit he put up with on a daily basis when his dad was around I decided to chalk it up to locker room hijinks. Kinda like me dropping him on his face. I mean, I did kinda call his attention to it, after all; with enough entitlement and stupidity he might have thought that was an invitation or something.


    Fuck it. I went ham on the ham until wonder of wonders, the kitchen ran out of ham. Going ham on the turkey after that seemed a little weird, so I stuck with assorted pies, including a really nice turkey pot pie Marie hand delivered.


    After dinner, walking back to our cell, I looked at her and noticed a distinct lack of hood ornament on her cart. "Where''s Isnomi?"


    "Grandma."


    I thought about it for a second. "No bath tonight?"


    She shook her head. "Tomorrow."


    I''d probably need a bath tomorrow as well, so I just shrugged. Then I thought about the fact that despite not having a hood ornament, bath tub, or laundry, she was still escorting me back to our room, despite frequently working until at least an hour or so after Dinner ended. Just as I opened the door, something clicked. "Saffron dropped by and arranged things while I was running, didn''t she?"


    "Yes." As she answered, one hand shot out and around me, picking me up as she dragged her cart into the room, then shoved the door shut. Apparently turkey pot pie wasn''t the only thing being hand delivered tonight.


    Slept like a happy, exhausted, goofball, no crying jags requried.

 Day One Hundred And Forty

    Dear Diary,


    Apparently, working out all day followed by makeouts as intense as only Marie makeouts can be pre-empt my cranial fuckery regarding Saffron deficiency. Who knew?


    Saffron, apparently. Gotta figure out something nice to do for her for Christmas. Wait, I don''t think they celebrate Christmas here. Yule? Is Yule a thing? Why the fuck do I not know this? I mean, other than not growing up here and other completely reasonable, rational, coherent reasons that have nothing to do with how my brain operates?


    So, sleeping like a happy exhausted goofball does not preclude dreaming, for whatever reason. Most of the psychedelic tadpoles had settled down to an ongoing pleasant tingle, but that one weird one who had fucked off to drier underside pastures seemed bound and determined to make up for the missing titillation all by its lonesome. I mean, not really complaining; as anyone with half a brain can definitely tell, I''m more than a little, ah, ''anxious'', as Beetlejuice would have put it.


    Yes, I''ve seen that movie. Aunties. VCRs. You know the drill.


    Anyhow, that particular kind of scratching wasn''t exactly what the nearby itching needed, but I wasn''t gonna bitch about my tadpole buddy giving its best effort. I am a kind and loving Goddess, after all.


    What? It''s a kind of love. It even made it onto that whole Greek list, alongside Agape and Phileo. Wait, no, Philia.


    Goddammit, why am I just realizing what the goddamned City I''m living in is named after now? Idiot, thy name is Tabitha.


    Anyway, the general itchiness of the area combined with that one intense orgasmic pinprick made for a weird kind of vibe for the evening, but not an entirely unrestful one. As I lay there I noticed something kinda warm and bubbling right near the middle of my undercarriage, almost but not quite co-located with that little rivulet of water running under me.


    Back in Camden I used to have a dream journal, and it had a section that told you what different things in your dreams could mean. I got it from a state-sponsored therapist I saw once, then never again. I really wonder what he''d say about all this crazy lakeside bullshit. Then again, I wonder what he''d say if I told him I was a Primordial Goddess and could make toast with magic finger wires. I''d probably wind up in a padded cell wearing an I-love-me jacket.


    I am now going to very deliberately and intentionally ignore the fact that I live in a padded cell and regularly wear a jacket made of really stiff fabric. If I didn''t die when I got shot in the head, and I''m lying in a psych ward hallucinating all this shit? Not gonna even give that any credence, because unless I snap out of it my deal in this world is still better than the one I got in the old one. If somebody does manage to wake me up back in Philadelphia, or worse Camden? I''m gonna go find me a petite herb-themed genius cutie and see if she wants to join the National Guard and explore Sapphic possibilities. I mean, fuck it, it''s worked pretty well here, right?


    Hell, worst case, if this is some kind of dying dream? I''m gonna milk it for all the fuck it is worth, because after the shit deal I got on my first run through? I fuckin deserve a winning fuckin'' hand for once.


    So my dreams might have been weird and oddly philosophical, but I woke up feeling pretty good. Oddly enough, I also woke up snuggled in a bunch of blankets, but completely unaccompanied, and the waking was done by Saffron. Well, not Saffron in person, but Saffron''s voice in my brain.


    Tabitha?


    She sounded awake, which meant it was definitely time for me to be awake. As I un-burrowed myself out of the blankets, I thought, Yeah, Saffron?


    We arrived at the front late last night.


    I went into the armoire hunting up a clean uniform; all the dirty ones had been Marie''d out of existence, so I pulled out the ''rattiest'' one, one of the pair I used on weekends, since I knew they''d get sweat soaked and possibly beat to shit. Wait, it took you four days to go what, thirty miles?


    Lancaster is extremely conservative. Our nightly bivouacs have been extensively dug in. Lightning war this is not.


    No shit. Something bugged me as I pulled my clothes on, but I couldn''t quite figure out what. I mean, I figured it was something like waking up alone, although waking up with Saffron in my head seemed to be deferring my meltdown. He keeping you safe?


    Nearly as safe as himself. I suspect he dislikes the Marshall intensely.


    Why do you say that?


    The look on his face when the Marshall infiltrated our bivouac last night.


    So the Marshall''s in command now? That took a weight off my mind. For about half a second.


    No. If you''ll remember, we set Lancaster in command as General. While the Marshall is technically Lancaster''s commander, Lancaster commands the army.


    Well. Fuck. I adjusted my shirt ties to give me a little more range of motion than normal, since ostensibly today was Combat Training. How''s that working out?


    Other than the two of them obviously loathing one another? Quite well, although I may be a bit busy for the foreseeable future.


    I buttoned up my jacket, chewing that over. Why?


    Because the Marshall has given Lancaster the order to advance, either until we engage the ''Damn Army or until we push them back inside Newark''s walls. Lancaster has decided that the best way of doing that, at least on this side of the lake, is to advance to a defensible position, then for me to use Vulcan to take shots at the enemy forces until they fall back or attack our prepared positions.


    When did you find this out?


    The messenger with my orders arrived about five seconds before I woke you up.


    I sighed. Thanks for letting me know, Kitten. Let me know when shit starts going down?


    Certainly, on two conditions.


    I shrugged, both to settle my jacket and because I figured I''d do whatever she wanted anyway, whether it was a condition of her letting me know or not. Sure. Dictate away, o tiny feline dictator mine.


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    You say that like you have no choice in the matter.


    No, Saff, I say it like I need new panties when you get all demanding.


    She sniffed hard enough it echoed in my brain. Like you wear any anyhow.


    You love it.


    I do. Now, the first condition is that under no circumstances are you to stop training today.


    Kitten, if you''re in trouble, Combat ''Training'' is not what I''m going to be doing.


    I felt her shrug. That''s fine, but you stay in the Yard, working hard, until I call for you. I''m certain your rage at harm directed toward me will counteract any fatigue you might imagine.


    I closed up the closet, still kinda bugged by something. Okay, what''s the second thing?


    Get the menace off the top of the armoire. She''s up to no good up there, I''m sure of it.


    I looked up and noticed a faint heat haze like shimmer in the air, heard the faintest hint of a giggle, and then got a face full of growling Isnomi pouncing on me. We wound up going ass over teakettle onto Marie''s bed. As I retaliated with tickles, as my belly-raspberry attack failed due to the thick fabric of her uniform jacket, I thought, Got her. Gonna get some breakfast soon. Make sure they feed you before you start your siege weapon impersonation.


    I''ve been eating this entire time, Goof. Get yourself and Isnomi to breakfast.


    Will do. Have a good day at work, Saffie-kins.


    A frustrated growl filled my head. You know what that does to my state of mind, Goof.


    Yeah, I do. Fuck ''em up, love.


    Love you too.


    With that she left my head, so I focused first on making sure Isnomi knew her Momma could still tickle her into submission, even if I had to bonk her with a bolster a couple times to start the giggling. Once we both lay there momentarily out of breath, I set her on the desk, sat down, unbuttoned her jacket, and stepped her through tying her shirt and pants. She managed to make a tangled mess out of it on her third try, but it was a tangled mess that stayed tied, so I declared it good enough, helped her on with the jacket, set her on my shoulders, and got us down to breakfast.


    Turns out she''s not a big fan of breakfast pastry. Really weird, what with Saffron''s sweet tooth being larger than she is, including her sweet tooth, but maybe her dad was some kind of predatory Bag or something. Or maybe it''s her Mor thing going on? No idea, but I''m not gonna complain that she''s not into junk food. We annihilated the remaining pot pie population, then wandered up to the Practice Yard. Another day without an instructor, and while Bill invited me and the Menace to spar with him and Angel, the look on her face convinced me that doing laps was probably the better idea. Yes, your girl is learning to pay attention to poorly concealed looks of terror and react accordingly.


    So it turns out Isnomi can keep up that little tiptoe dash thing she does for nearly the distance of the long side of the Yard, and she manages a fair turn of speed while doing it. I didn''t quite have to run, but I was definitely doing more than a jog to keep up. So for the rest of the day we played in the Yard. I''d carry her for a lap, tossing her up into the air and catching her once in a while, then let slow to a jog while she ran along side me for a bit.


    Right around mid-afternoon, Saffron thought, Tabitha? I''m starting.


    For the rest of the afternoon I watched as she pelted the ''Damn Army with shots from Vulcan. Every shot left another unit in disarray; still bodies lying on the ground, some of them in pieces. Survivors scrambled to drag screaming casualties into cover. Once a ''Damn archer unit popped up and sent a volley straight at Saffron''s unit. Before I could leap to her side, she thought, stay. Dutiful and obedient wife that I am, I stayed. Okay, I kept running, but I didn''t jump to Saffron. She just knelt, and her unit''s shields slid together into a roof over her before the arrows landed.


    How are you seeing over all of them to shoot?


    They''re kneeling. What, did you think I had a stool or something?


    I wouldn''t be surprised if you''d brought one.


    I forgot.


    What? You? Really?


    Don''t worry, Goof. I will not forget a single instance of you teasing me while distance and duty prevent me from responding appropriately.


    Better not. The metal rain petered off. Think Lancaster''s gonna call for another target soon. I''m really glad Isnomi can''t see this shit. She does not need that kind of trauma.


    I felt Saffron smile. You''re so kind and sweet, love. I''d best focus on targets now.


    I let her get back to it. A moment later tiny hands gripped my ears, and my mouth filled with jacket wool. I stopped looking through Saffron''s eyes, only to see Isnomi staring into my eyes from a distance of about an inch. "GAH! What are you doing, Menace?"


    "Ma!" That gave me a very unpleasant thought about what our girl had been doing just then.


    Back in a moment, Kitten. I broke my connection to her, then pushed Isnomi back until I could see her face instead of her pupils. "Mom is fine, Menace. I''m watching over her."


    The moment I''d broken the connection, her lip shot out. "Ma!"


    I frowned at her, trying to get her to realize I wasn''t joking. "Isnomi, I will not let you watch what Mom is doing right now. It is not good viewing material for someone your age."


    She farted. Somehow at me, despite her butt pointing the other direction. "MA!"


    "No. Not only no, but as long as you keep trying to piggy back to see what''s going on with her, I can''t watch over her and keep her safe."


    I don''t think I''d ever seen Isnomi angry before. Not, like, furious and going to bite someone angry. She growled at me, a high-pitched variation on Marie''s bowel-releasing rumble, then roared. Before I could respond, she twisted in my arms, braced her feet against my tits, and leapt out of my arms. She hit the ground running on all fours, and somehow it was absolutely all I could do to keep up with her.


    You okay, Kitten?


    Why wouldn''t I be?


    Had to focus on Isnomi. You know how I said I don''t want her watching what you''re doing?


    Yes?


    Apparently she''s figured out how to see what I''m seeing. So I''m trusting you to let me know if shit gets dangerous, okay?


    She giggled a little, with a purr underlying it. Oh, Goof. I never thought you would be the more protective of the two of us, but here we are.


    Promise me?


    Love, Lancaster seems almost as protective of his own person as he is of his dignity, and he''s the one calling out targets for me. I suspect I''m in the safest position available at the moment. But I promise you, should I need you, I will let you know immediately.


    Cool. I gotta focus on catching the little menace now.


    Catching her?


    She''s running away from me.


    What a good little girl, making sure her Momma gets good and tuckered out.


    I rolled my eyes and dashed after my surprisingly agile offspring.


    By the time I actually caught her, both of us were drenched with sweat, and Saffron''s day of single-player Artillery Duel had ended with the ''Damn Army falling back. I stumbled down to the Dining Hall, made sure we both ate food rather than the tables, trays, and utensils, then carried a half-snoozing Menace back to our cell. Marie had the tub out, and Saffron stood there getting a final kettle of water dumped over her. I settled in to watch the remainder of the bath, then handed over Isnomi for her bath while Saffron snuggled up to me. "I do so love the way you smell after a day of vigorous physical activity."


    I ran a hand down her side, resting it on the curve of her ass, jiggling it suggestively. "You have time for a little more vigorous activity? Could send you back all pumpkin spice scented."


    She chuckled, a low, throaty thing that made my hair stand on end despite all of it being sweat soaked. She shook her head even as she toyed with the tie to my slacks. "While the General did give me an hour or so of free time this evening, and my spirit is willing, my body is already well beyond any reasonable mortal limits as far as that goes."


    I blinked a little at that, even as she proceeded to strip off my sweat soaked slacks. "The fuck?"


    She smiled up at me, the slow, sensuous smile of a cat that had drunk all of the cream in an entire fucking dairy farm. "Vulcan."


    It took me a second to twig to what she meant, then I shuddered a little. "Gah. I can''t tell if that''s stupid hot or beyond the squick Godzilla threshhold."


    She shrugged. "As I may have mentioned, I''ve given up on caring what people other than you think. Tell me if you want me to stop."


    "Stop firing Vulcan? Or stop what you''re doing?"


    She shrugged again, the Grin making a momentary appearance before I lost sight of her mouth. "Both. Either. Now if you''ll excuse me, I never got any pie."


    After one panicked glance showed me Marie tucking a snoring Isnomi into her bed? I decided that, at least for tonight? ''Fuck it'' was my considered moral stance on all things even vaguely pie-related.

 Day One Hundred Forty One

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know the old quote about ''ninety nine percent boredom, one percent screaming terror''? Yeah, when you aren''t the one getting shot at somehow that winds up getting flipped around. Any time I''m not actively distracted or in direct contact with Saffron? I''m worried something has happened to her too fast for her to think ''oh shit'' at me.


    So Saffron''s visit last night was short, but after a day in the Yard doing laps and chasing the Menace, I fell asleep almost as soon as she left.


    More uncomfortable vibing dreams. Really wish I knew what was going on in my head with these, but it''s not like they''re nightmares, or I''m not waking up rested. Okay, the time I fell asleep at Loki''s I didn''t wake up rested.


    Which is odd.


    Yeah, I know, because it was absolutely quiet dreamless sleep, which ought to be maximum restfulness, right?


    Perhaps. Will you be around today?


    Yeah. I''m bringing the Menace.


    Sigyn would be disappointed if you did not. Will Marie or Saffron be joining us?


    I sent the Boss a mental shrug, and he replied with a mental nod. I figured it was time to stop dicking around pondering my orbs and get my ass dressed and over to do my weekly duties. I rolled out of bed, tickled the menace awake, then tossed her a uniform before putting my boots on. By the time I had my boots on she had her uniform on, Gordian knot holding the pants up and the shirt shut, buttons hiding it all.


    "Good job, kiddo!"


    She patted my leather-clad leg. "Gu ja, Mama!"


    I laughed, pulled on The Dress, scooped her up and stepped over to Loki''s cave. She launched herself at Sigyn the moment we arrived, and I ambled over to sit next to Loki while Sigyn made much over the Menace. He pretty much ignored me, his attention entirely absorbed by the view of Sigyn from behind. I leaned on one hand and did likewise. It''s a hell of a view, after all, and I''m married, not dead.


    So after Sigyn played ''toss Isnomi in the air'', ''let Mister Slither take Isnomi on the ceiling and drop her so Sigyn can catch her'', and maybe just a bit of ''cuddle the Menace like a baby because ain''t no fuckin'' way you get child birthing hips like those without at least a little hormonal baby madness now and then'' for like half an hour, she let the little one clamber onto Slither, who had wrapped himself around Sigyn like a ball gown. The two of them slid off around the room, Isnomi crowing all the way, while Sigyn turned to us, shook her head with a throaty chuckle, then came to sit on Loki''s far side.


    "I think the snake is the only one who wasn''t enthralled by me."


    "You''re underestimating your effect on the snake."


    She laughed again, running a hand across Loki''s brow while he sighed in relief at her touch. "To think, I was worried about you seducing my husband, when all along it was he who had to worry."


    "Nope. Nopity, nope-nope, with nope sauce on the side. While the scenery is nice, it will remain scenery and not terrain."


    Loki, whose eyes had slid shut as Sigyn''s fingers gently caressed his head, cracked one eye open to look at me and ask, "what''s the difference?"


    "You look at scenery, you come in contact with terrain." That got them both laughing. I started in on Loki''s chains, and after a few loops Sigyn joined me. After another half hour or so we had them all off, and she ran her hands across the melted scars of centuries. "Damn, Boss. Doesn''t that hurt?"


    "It''s scar tissue, Tabitha. Most of it is numb. A few bits have scarred in such a way that it hurts to move them, though. It... pinches, in some cases. In others it stretches, painfully. I suspect it would rip open if I tried to stretch with any great deal of effort."


    I frowned, an idea taking shape in the back of my head. To give it room to grow, I yoinked an idea I''d had a few weeks back out and put it in play. "Hold still, Boss." I popped out a good sized Mana Blade and sliced the top off of each of the stalagmites that he''d been bound to. The intestines were old and leathery, but they flexed rather than breaking. I made a circular Mana Blade like I''d seen Saffron do, then cored a two inch cylinder out of each of the stalagmites. I Mineral Bonded one of those to the bottom of each stalagmite top, then scooped out an ''L'' shaped channel out of each of the openings I''d carved. I used a little bit of that rock to put a nub sticking out of the top of each cylinder.


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    It took a little shaving, but when I slid the stalagmite tops back in place, they locked in nicely. I turned to Sigyn. "Think you can detach those without hurting him or yourself?"


    She just rolled her eyes at me, walked over to one, and one handed it out of its socket. Then she smiled. "Thank you, Tabitha." After freeing him as much as she could, she gathered up some pillows they''d had me deliver last week, then lifted her husband up just a touch so she could lay them under his head.


    Tabitha?


    Yes, Kitten?


    We''re moving forward. I''ll probably start doing more harassment fire some time later this afternoon, after we''ve moved to the new positions and dug in.


    Make sure you get rid of the booby traps.


    What booby traps?


    The ones I''d put in if somebody were doing to me what you''re doing to the ''Damn Army?


    Shit. Thank you. The Marshall is right, you do have an absolute gift for ''wrecking shit''.


    I do what I can. Stay safe, let me know when you''re gonna start firing?


    I shall, love.


    Loki nudged me with an elbow. "You''re thinking about your wife?"


    I nodded. "Sorry, Boss. Can''t keep my mind off her."


    He shook his head. "You have no need to apologize, and I would be less than worthy to be your Patron should I demand you ignore your wife. Would you like to see her?"


    I smirked at him, "at least as much as you like staring at your wife''s ass."


    "It is magnificent, a living wonder of the world, why would I not stare? Dearest Sigyn?"


    She wiggled said magnificent ass where it pressed up against his side. "Yes, Lord of mine?"


    "Could you bring us your bowl, filled with water?"


    "Of course, love. Back in a moment."


    While she left to wherever she''d hidden her bowl, Loki reached an arm up to me. "Help me sit up, please?"


    I grabbed his hand and forearm, which combined were bigger than my whole damn arm, set my feet, and pulled. "Gently!" he squeaked, but by the time Sigyn returned carrying her big golden bowl full of water, I''d got him sitting upright and shifted back and to one side of the bed, the pillows piled up to help him stay upright. He lay a hand next to his thigh. "Right here, please, love."


    She set it down, and he snagged her by the waist and pulled her, giggling, to sit beside him, her back against his side, her legs dangling off the side of the head of the bed. He waved his other hand over the bowl, obviously weaving a tangled web of Mana; the water rippled in odd patterns as the Mana settled into the bowl. A moment later the water clouded, then cleared, and we looked through a window at Saffron''s unit marching through some sparse forest. She''d moved to the very back of the unit to speak with Lancaster, who stood at the very front of his. He called out some commands, and the advance slowed.


    "Why do they slow?" Loki pondered. Sigyn and I saw each other''s mouths open at the same time, and I held up a hand begging her to not say anything. I leaned in and whispered in her ear, then stepped back as she chuckled again. Loki didn''t miss any of that, and looked at Sigyn as I turned to walk away from them, doing my best sashay and taking unfair advantage of The Dress. "Would one of you like to explain what''s going on?"


    "Just watch your Champion, dear." I couldn''t see for myself, but I figured he must have been appreciating the view, because a few moments later she shouted, "booby trap!" When I spun around, I saw her glomped onto his head, his face completely buried in her chest.


    Your sense of humor is frighteningly low, Champion.


    You love it, you know it.


    His arms went around Sigyn''s thighs, holding her in place. When did I imply I didn''t. The reflecting pool should last most of the rest of the day. Slowly and carefully, both to avoid being rough with Sigyn and to avoid jostling her bowl, he scooched around until she lay on the pile of pillows he''d been leaning on, and he lay face down with his head pillowed along her front. While he lay there, sleeping if the snores were any indication, and Sigyn played with his hair with a soft smile on her face, I spent the rest of the day watching Saffron do her thing.


    It got a little weird when she gave me a running commentary, but it was a good kind of weird. Eventually Saffron finished her bombardment for the day, and the vision pool petered out shortly thereafter. I stood, stretched a little, and looked a question at Sigyn. She shooed me away with a smile and a gesture, so I went and collected Isnomi from where she napped in the middle of Mister Slither''s coils. When I picked her up, they both stirred long enough for Slither to head-bunt her gently, and for her to run a hand across the top of his head. "Buh bye, Vai"


    So I guess my daughter had given Mister Slither an actual name. Reminded me of something, but I was frankly too sleepy to care. I gave him a quick stroke across the head as well. "See you next time." Then stepped back to my room.


    Saffron and Marie were there, the latter massaging the former''s abs as Saffron let out pitiful little moans, and not the good kind either. I settled Isnomi at one end of Marie''s bed, then went and carried Saffron back to the middle of Marie''s bed, with Marie working at her abs and lower back the whole time. "I''ll be right back." I stepped across to the spot where I''d seen them making camp, then headed straight for the biggest tent. Stepping inside I caught Lancaster''s eye.


    He seemed way less surprised to see me than I figured he would. "Yes, Cadet Diaz?"


    "Just wanted to let you know that Cadet Aetos is suffering from some, ah, pretty severe cramping. Marie and I will do our best to get her back in shape for tomorrow''s bombardment, but..."


    He nodded, ending the conversation. "See that you do, and that she''s back before morning light."


    "Sir, yes sir!"


    So he''s a dictatorial dick, and he expects results whether they''re guaranteed or not, but at least he''s not a completely irrational dick. Good to know.

 Day One Hundred Forty Two

    Dear Diary,


    Amazing sometimes how ''awful'' can become ''normal''. Then again, I suppose the current value of ''awful'' isn''t as bad as I''ve lived through before.


    So last night it took everything Marie and I could do to get Saffron unwound enough to sleep. Harder than usual what with the whole ''refractory overload'' being the reason for the season, as it were. But like good partners we persevered; plenty of massage and cuddling and eventually she started snoring. We spooned around her and dropped off ourselves shortly thereafter.


    More disturbed vibing. I really wish I knew why I itched so much at night. Not like there''s anything there during the day. I''ve checked.


    Okay, no I haven''t, but nothing itches during the day, so why would I check then?


    I woke to Saffron groaning something about it not being time to get up yet. Apparently Isnomi had decided that Mom being home meant Mom would provide morning breakfast. I Mimicked her, stole Isnomi away despite her protests, then gently shook her shoulder with my free hand. "Lancaster wants you back before sunrise, Kitten. If we''re up and moving early we can get you breakfast in the Dining Hall though."


    "Damn you and your culinary temptations, Diaz. I was all set to claim death, too."


    I stopped shaking, but left my hand on her shoulder. "Damn. Does it still hurt that much?"


    She smiled and said, "not really. I think not having one or both of you work the knots out the night before last was a mistake though. I hope my unit doesn''t get annoyed with me not sleeping in the encampment."


    "Bring Vulcan with you. Tell ''em it''s a security measure. The enemy can''t do a daring midnight raid to destroy our new artillery piece if the artillery piece in question is here, can they?"


    She cracked open one eye. "Have I told you lately that you are deceptively intelligent for a Goof?"


    I shrugged. "Not lately. I doubt you''re gonna let me do anything about it, even if we did manage to convince Isnomi to give up breakfast and go carting early."


    She winced a little, but pushed herself upright, then crawled over to the armoire. As she used the ropes to pull herself upright, she said, "sadly, you''re right. Damn this war. You''re sure you can''t just kill them all and be done with it?"


    "What is it with you and wanting me to be a villain? Like you want me to be lime green or something," I muttered.


    She pulled on a fresh pair of slacks and said, "would that be Key lime?"


    "You and your sweet tooth."


    She shrugged on her blouse and bent forward flirtatiously as she tied it in the back. "I''m just a big pie fan, I guess."


    I reached up with my free hand and booped her nose. "Would that be my pie in particular, or just pie in general?"


    She laughed as she pulled a new jacket from the armoire. "Oh, Goof. You know I can''t help but favor pumpkin spice. Although..." as she buttoned up her jacket she looked behind me speculatively, then sighed. "Not today, though. Not for a while, really."


    "The other night left me with no complaints, I''m sure we could fit something in between massage rehab and sleeping."


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    She shook her head. "Just Happening aside, if such things aren''t spontaneous, they ought be given all due planning, preparation, and the best performance one can manage." I laughed enough to jostle Isnomi. She giggled a little at my laughter, then smacked me and reattached. I couldn''t help but notice that for the moment she was doing the smacking, she had to be at least half again bigger. Weird. When I looked up at Saffron, she had one eyebrow raised. "I thought you appreciated my attention to detail?"


    I shook my head, grinning. "Oh, no, I absolutely do. I was just thinking of an old joke about how people are like floor tiles." At her continued questioning look, I said, "lay them right the first time, you can walk on them forever."


    She''d just finished pulling one uniform boot on, and put her heel down right between my thighs, holding her toe less than an inch from places I''d never really fantasized about being stepped on. "Is that so?"


    My mind kind of froze up. What? She''s hot when she''s, y''know, breathing. "Uh... can I get a rain check on that? Or maybe you could do some planning or something?"


    That drew a laugh out of her, and I wound up vacillating wildly between smug and terrified as she balanced on her heel while she pulled her other boot on, never breaking eye contact and laughing the whole time. When she finished, she stepped away and stamped her heels into the boots, then sighed. "We''re gaining a few miles a day at best. So frustrating."


    I smirked up at her again. "I''d think you of all people would be anything but frustrated at the moment."


    She kicked me in the meatiest part of my thigh. "You should know better, Goof." Then she fired up a one-handed Stabilize and leaned over. "Unless you''d like something before I have to go?"


    I tried for a derisive snort, but I think I failed. I''m blaming it on being Mimicked as her at the time. "Let''s put a pin in that. Right next to the whole boot stompy thing. Point taken though."


    She shook her head. "Point taken, she says, as she tries to hide her titillation at the thought." She leaned over and, as I held my breath, reached down, grabbed my knee with her other hand, then grounded the Stabilize out in her own forearm. "If Isnomi weren''t here, I''d have been tempted to just go ahead and let you have that." She chuckled. "Who am I kidding. I was obviously tempted to do it anyway. But," she sighed, "not today. At some point I am going to become frustrated enough to just Mimic you and kill them all, you realize."


    "Nah." At her raised eyebrow, I explained, "like you said, I''m the spontaneous, brutal one. You''ll probably just figure out a way to use Vulcan to tag them all with a brown note until they surrender."


    "Do I want to know what a ''brown note'' is?"


    "Harmonic frequency that makes a person shit themselves."


    That drew another laugh out of her, and she patted me on the thigh, stood up, and said, "On that note, I''m going to get a head start on breakfast, which is starting any minute now. You might want to wake our Maid; I think she''s been shorting herself on sleep a bit to keep up with everything."


    I reached up, and she helped me to my feet. "Nah. If she needs the sleep, I''m gonna let her fuckin'' sleep. The Academy won''t fall apart if she needs a nap, and if it would? Maybe it oughta. Hold her a sec?"


    She took Isnomi, and I turned back into myself, concentrated on Loki''s insta-garb trick, only with a different outfit in mind. A moment later I stood there in my best Uniform. On completely correctly even. Then I snagged a uniform for Isnomi and said, "c''mon, we''ll dress her on the way."


    We left Marie snoring on the floor and made our way down to breakfast. When Angel saw us, she said, "Saffron? When the fuck did you get back? How the fuck did you get back?"


    Saffron just lifted a finger to her lips and said, "shh! It''s a secret to everyone, but the power of spicy eggs drew me back."


    That got them; for the rest of breakfast she had to fend off spoonsful of catapulted eggs. She managed it, for the most part, although the Menace managed to mush a whole handful in her face at point blank range. About halfway through breakfast, she stood, brushed herself off, and held her hands out for Isnomi, who sprinted down the table and glomped her. She carried the menace around to me, held out a hand, and helped me up. "Hey guys, I''ve got to see her off. See you all at dinner."


    We walked into the hall, back to the Infirmary where we dropped Isnomi off with Grandma, and after one more long, spicy kiss, she was gone.


    The rest of the day would have sucked anyway after that, but eight hours of learning vocabulary in Basic Mana Shaping was just insult atop injury.


    Even getting to watch through her eyes as she pelted ''Damn soldiers with artillery fire wasn''t enough to make that fun.


    Maybe I should just embrace the lime green highlights and kill ''em all.

 Day One Hundred And Forty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    If I were a better person, telling myself once that I''m not the villain and am not going to engage in mass murder would be enough.


    Last night Saffron came back and Marie and I worked to rub her down until she fell asleep. Some part of me felt guilty that I got to sleep in the same bed as my wife while the rest of the Grand Army had to rough it in the woods, but then I thought about how Saffron was pretty much the entire reason none of them had gotten so much as a combat related hang nail so far. Apparently there had been a couple instances of general stupidity that wound up with a unit getting sent to the rear because someone fell down out of a tree, or got shot by somebody who didn''t know how to handle their crossbow despite all the training, or some other case of ''non-combat-related'' casualty. That struck me as weird, at first, that they''d send an entire fifteen man unit back because one person got injured, but apparently that''s because they train in their units to the point where they''re not quite interchangeable parts, where the units themselves kinda are.


    At any rate, spent the night vibing again. The itching has localized a bit more, I think? it''s gotten more intense, but it''s just a particular area along my side now. Nowhere near the water or the rivulet under me, or even the rocky area I''ve been scratching myself against. If it wasn''t for that last, I''d think it was some kind of dry skin problem. Maybe sunburn? Except, y''know, no sun. Is it kinda weird that I dream about the same time of day that it is in non-dream-time? I think it''s weird. My subconscious is probably trying to tell me something, like ''seize the day'' or ''get more sleep'' or something. Really kinda wish I had that old dream journal right about now.


    Woke to Isnomi worming her way in between us. Trying to make sure Saffron got enough sleep, I Mimicked her and offered our daughter her breakfast, but the little one just grumped at me until I shifted back. Apparently she wanted to be the middle of the cuddle puddle more than she wanted milk. Honestly, I kinda got that. I may pack down food like nobody''s business, but that''s because I like the taste and I''m not anywhere near ''full''. If somebody said ''you can lie there cuddling with your family if you skip breakfast''? I''d skip breakfast.


    If you''re wondering, that''s exactly what we all did. Saffron barely got up in time to throw on a uniform and get back to her unit before daybreak. Marie followed her out, Isnomi perched on her cart. That left me to get ready on my own. I''m almost one hundred percent certain I didn''t put anything on inside-out. Almost.


    When I stumbled into Geography and World Cultures the room stood empty. I sat there kinda nodding off for I don''t really know how long. I figured I''d gotten there before breakfast really ended, and that everyone would show up any time now. No joy. Eventually, after waking up from a nap where I dreamed about doing my dead level best to nap despite the risen sun up in the sky throwing popcorn at me while it bitched about violence in media. Yeah, I know, but it''s a dream. It''s not supposed to fucking make sense.


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    At any rate, woke up and figured something must have happened, so I wandered up the floors where the faculty had their offices and hunted up Doc DeLeon. Again, no joy; the only profs I saw were a couple people I hadn''t had as instructors. I nodded politely in passing, and they did the same. Eventually, after meandering for what must have been the better part of an hour, I made my way to the Headmaster''s office.


    "Tabitha. We missed you at breakfast today."


    I shrugged, "wasn''t really hungry."


    "Fair. Did someone tell you about my announcement?"


    "Nope."


    He held in a sigh. "Of course they didn''t. Starting today, we''re opening up recruitment again. I think most of your friends are over in Camden Yards again today."


    "That would explain the general ghost town feel here. I''ll get to it then?"


    He nodded. "Be about it."


    I left his office, checked with the Guard at the door, and headed out for the Yards.


    Apparently the ''Damn Army finally decided that they''d had enough of run away, dig in, get bombarded, run away again. As I started to walk along the Boulevard, Saffron sent me a vision of her opening fire. This time, the moment after she fired, ''Damn soldiers popped up on either side of the impact point and charged. Somewhere around a hundred paces away our new crossbowmen fired, and the charge faltered, both because lots of guys got hit, and because the ones following them tripped over the bodies. When the enemy hit seventy paces or so, the crossbows twanged again, and the charge got even more raggedy. At just about forty paces, the crossbows fired a third time, and the charge broke down completely. What hit the front wasn''t so much a charge as one guy in four stumbling into contact with our line.


    The moment the wall of meat between Saffron and the enemy cleared the attackers off, she''d prepped Vulcan again, and he pretty much broke the second charge on his own. Somehow instead of the mostly spherical explosions he''d made when pelting the enemy in their crude foxholes, the shockwave from where his bolt hit spread sideways, parallel to the Grand Army''s front line. The remaining ''Damn soldiers on the field took that as a hint that they should just lie down, run, or do something other than ''charging blindly at Big Poppa Lancaster''s ''Damn killing machine.


    They didn''t charge again today, although at one point in the afternoon some of the injured ''Damn soldiers on the field raised impromptu white flags. I half thought Lancaster would just order them all shot, but instead he dispatched some Cadets with an extra unit or two each to escort the POWs to a holding area back by the river. I kinda hoped he''d put Saffron on that detail, but even I knew that was a forlorn hope. He wanted his new field artillery piece right next to him where he could keep an eye on her.


    Those of us working the recruitment station down by Drivers got a half dozen new Volunteers each. We still couldn''t officially sign them up, but all of them passed our tests with flying colors, so I took the time to write up contracts for them, so all they had to do at the Academy was get the official stamp of approval and sign things.


    I got an entire piece of Momma Driver''s chocolate cake to myself, but I almost couldn''t finish it, what with Saffron not being there to steal it from me.


    Wouldn''t that be a hell of a ''heroic tale''? ''Tabitha got frustrated by lack of Date Night at Drivers and Chose Violence.''


    Every day I get a little closer to lime fuckin'' green.

 Day One Hundred And Forty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    I swear, if Lancaster advances so slow that the ''Damn army has crossbows by the time we get to Newark I''mma be pissed.


    I get that right now he''s winning a battle of attrition mostly by wiping out the enemy while they have no way to respond, but the longer you give somebody, the more chance they''re gonna figure out a way to respond.


    Saffron coming over at night has become a nightly thing. At least I get a few hours with her every day, which is way more than most of the people in the field get. I mean, yeah, there are those Heroes whose partners are also Heroes, or the couples we signed up as Volunteers, but for the most part? People just have to trust that nothing bad has happened to their loved ones. I get that, I really do, but even if Saffron weren''t in desperate need of a rubdown every night I''d still keep her here for the few hours we can steal. Can''t tell if the urge for that makes me a villain, or that I''d totally override my conscience to make it happen makes me one.


    So not a lot new on the dream front. The previously localized itching spread a little toward the lake, but other than that? Pretty normal.


    I woke to quiet suckling noises coming from between Saffron and I. The menace had wormed her way in between us and started in on breakfast. I just lay there relaxing in the middle of our cuddle puddle until Marie stirred, shifted, and unwound herself to get up. I would have tried to snuggle in more, but she''d shifted the blankets enough for a blast of cold air to hit me all the way across my back. Moving slowly and carefully, so as not to do the same to Saffron and Isnomi, I wormed my way out from under the blankets. The moment I got clear enough, I sprang to my feet and dashed for the armoire. While I struggled to get my slacks on, I looked to where Marie dressed herself with the same careful, slow nonchalance she normally did.


    "It''s freezing in here! Why is it freezing in here?"


    She just shrugged. "Winter."


    "Okay, yeah, I get that, but you''re telling me the school can''t afford some kind of magical heating?" I tied my pants off and pulled my shirt on, hopping from right foot to left repeatedly to build up some body heat.


    For her part, Marie had the grace to tilt her head and consider the question, even if she didn''t show so much as a shudder at the temperature. Maybe the fur insulated her or something. Right about when I managed to get my first row of jacket buttons buttoned, which meant that my torso at least started warming up a little, she replied, "wards?"


    "You mean there are wards to keep the place from getting cold?"


    "Yes."


    "So why aren''t they..." it took me a second to remember what Saffron had said to me the night after the Equinox. I''d trashed the Wards on my room practicing my Mana Shaping. I guess they''d never put them back.


    Once I managed to get fully dressed, I grabbed up a uniform for Saffron and another for Isnomi, then wormed my way back under the covers. I pulled Isnomi away despite her mumbled protests. The cold air seeped in despite my best efforts, but it was a seeping irksome thing, nothing like the massive blast that occurred when Marie got up. I put Saffron''s uniform between Isnomi and her, then proceeded to dress the little one.


    "''nomi?" Saffron muttered.


    "Time to get up, love. Careful, the room is cold as fuck."


    Apparently something didn''t click within sleepy Saffron-brain, because she muttered something annoyed sounding, then flopped the covers off of herself. I''m guessing that Saffron''s brain runs on superconductors, because the moment the cold hit her, her eyes popped open, all traces of sleepiness gone. When that same wave of cold air hit us, Isnomi floofed. I let her stay that way until I finished getting her uniform, boots and all, wrapped around her. "Okay, Menace. Time to put the fur away."


    "Na!" she pouted.


    "You know the rules. No cart for furry Isnomi."


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    "Ca!" She folded her arms.


    "Okay, Marie. Looks like Isnomi''s staying with me today."


    "Na! Ma!"


    I lifted the blanket away, tossing it toward the bed before standing and scooping Isnomi up. "You, little miss, are not going anywhere near a battlefield. Even one as one-sided as Lancaster seems to make one."


    She just pouted harder. Marie shrugged and headed out, but not before I glomped her with a sideways hug. "Have a good day, Marie."


    She hugged me back, even tousling the little one''s hair, then pushed her cart out of the room. A blast of not-really-warm, but warmer-than-here air flowed into the room as she left.


    "So freezing my nipples off is yet another thing to lay at your feet, Goof?"


    I sighed and let Isnomi burrow her face into me. "Yeah, looks like."


    She shook her head, laughing. "It''s okay. Most of the houses in Camden Yards rely on stoves and body heat. This might be a little sudden, but it''s no worse than it is in the field at the moment."


    "Really?"


    She nodded. "Really. You expected it to stay warm all year long? Is Camden in the tropics where you''re from?"


    "Nope. Global Warming''s done a number on the place, I guess."


    "Global what now?"


    I sighed. "That one is gonna take a long, long time to explain. Short version? You get enough people burning enough stuff, and the atmosphere itself starts to heat up. Guessing the population here and now is way less than that, though.


    She snorted. "How many people did your world have, anyhow?"


    I shrugged, "Somewhere north of seven billion. Maybe eight billion by now."


    She froze, then slowly turned to face me. "Did you say ''billion''?"


    I nodded. "Yep. Like eighty percent of them live in cities, the rest live in suburbs or farms or shit like that."


    She stood there working her mouth while her hands automatically went through the motions of making sure everything remained just so. "How?"


    "It takes people a couple generations to realize they don''t need to have ten kids to make sure there were enough kids to support them in their old age."


    She got that faraway look as she chewed on that. She stayed silent as she walked to breakfast with Isnomi and I. Between a bit of a late start and our slow progress as she worked through whatever my population data had prompted in her, the halls were clear when we got to the Dining Hall. Right before we went in she turned and forced me back to the wall. "Beloved, will you do me a favor?"


    "Anything, Kitten."


    "Should this war drag on longer than it takes me to sort out how to replicate what you''ve told me about just now? Just kill them all."


    I lowered my voice. "The ''Damn Army? The Gods?"


    "Those would both be a good start." She kissed me, then led me into the Dining Hall.


    Breakfast was back to normal, although we had butter on the table along with the various fruit preserves, and each table got a tray of mixed breakfast carbs. I managed to snag a short stack of waffles, Saffron went for the ''custard toast'', and Isnomi rolled up a pancake, said, "dahda!" and managed to cram the entire thing into her mouth without suffocating herself or spitting it up. I have no idea how. I also wasn''t about to stick my hand in to figure out how, since she wasn''t in any apparent distress.


    Saffron and I left a little early, what with breakfast officially ending at dawn, and her standing orders being to return before dawn. We walked out of the Dining Hall, she walked me up to class, gave me a kiss and both of us a hug, then stepped back to her unit. I went in to the classroom, set Isnomi on the four desks that still stood together like one big ''table'', then worked on my Air Shield. Just to confirm it worked, I picked up a chair and dropped it on the shield, watching as it slowed down to hover midway through the shield, then slowly slide sideways until it hit the edge of the shield and tipped over. I did that for like half an hour until I remembered that Doc DeLeon probably wasn''t coming today, what with everybody being out in the field except me. Kinda weird, being the kid who cut school so much she got Isekai''d, and now I''m the one who comes to class even when the prof cuts.


    Late in the morning Saffron touched base. This is strange.


    What''s that?


    We''ve leapfrogged forward twice now, and we haven''t hit any resistance. No sign of the ''Damn Army whatsoever.


    You''re checking for traps, right?


    Absolutely. The quiet just has everyone on edge.


    Have you found any traps yet, by the way?


    Mental shrug, followed by, Some. Enough that if we weren''t looking, we''d be taking serious casualties. So enough to keep us slow, I guess?


    Maybe they decided to give up space to buy time? Maybe enough time to set up some real defenses?


    Could be, but something isn''t right.


    Stay frosty, and keep in touch. You need me, I''ll be there.


    I know you will, and I will as well.


    With that she went quiet again. Honestly, I''d rather have her focused on making sure she didn''t step on a landmine than listening for my random bullshit, so I wasn''t too upset. Not upset at all. Really.


    Right before lunch Isnomi crowed, "mama! Mama! Mama, loog!"


    I turned to face her and saw her hovering like two inches off the tabletop, slowly sliding sideways toward the edge. "Menace! That''s awesome! Did you do that all yourself?"


    "Yeh!"


    "Just by watching Momma?"


    "YEH! DAHDA!" She waved her arms around above her head, which not only set her to spinning, but slid her far enough to one side of the table that she upended herself and fell. I caught her before she hit the floor, and she looked up at me, disappointment clear in her face. "Wah mama na ah seeld?"


    At least I wasn''t practicing Fire Bolt.

 Day One Hundred And Forty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    How can I miss something so much when it only happened a couple times?


    So, yeah, pretty boring day yesterday, overall, even with the Menace now knowing how to make an Air Shield. Seriously, what''s the worst she can do with the ability to summon the magical equivalent of a foam rubber mat?


    Don''t answer that. I honestly don''t want to know.


    Same dream last night. Woke up reasonably rested, but still kinda depressed. I wonder if this is anything like post-partum depression, where the stay-at-home mom gets all depressed because she''s got nothing to do but sit at home and wait?


    Decided to take Isnomi along on a recruitment drive today. Saffron stayed with the troops last night, since she didn''t need us to help her recover. So as soon as Marie woke us up, I started getting dressed. I put on my nice uniform, helped Isnomi into hers, then we took turns ''adjusting'' one another. I showed her how to tie her knots again, and she seemed to get it. I''ll have to wait for the next time she gets the urge to dress herself to be certain.


    Breakfast was pretty normal; spicy eggs, jalapeno scrapple, and sausages. In a brief break between noms, I asked, "Anyone else plan on going down to Driver''s today?"


    "Angel and I had planned on it," said Bill.


    I looked to Angel, "do you mind if the little Menace and I tag along?"


    Bill looked at Angel, who had just taken a bite of eggs. she took her time chewing and swallowing, then said, "I''m okay with it."


    "Cool!"


    She shook her head and added, "can''t wait to watch Mrs. Driver with Isnomi again."


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    What with Saffron not spending the night, I kept eating until the Maids kicked us out. Angel, Bill, and I made our way down to Drivers. Midway over the bridge, I noticed the rungs on the central upright. I paused for a minute and asked, "have either of you guys ever been to the top of this?"


    Angel just rolled her eyes, but Bill said, "neither of us have. Saffron did. Kinda half expected you had too."


    I just shrugged. "Never really had the opportunity."


    They both laughed at that. "You want us to watch Isnomi while you''re climbing?"


    I shook my head, "nah, I''m gonna wait until Saffron gets back."


    For what its worth, neither of them said anything about Saffron not making it back. Then again, they might not have been obsessing over that the way I was.


    So we got to Drivers, set up the recruitment table, and started talking to people about Volunteering. More people came by to play with Isnomi than to talk with us, but we still got a few folks set up to join. Momma Driver made much over Bill in his uniform, then midway through the day she came out bringing us lunch, including big old honkin'' slices of chocolate cake. I fed most of mine to Isnomi, but midway through tagged Saffron and thought, guess where we are today.


    In response to my transmission of the taste of Momma Driver''s chocolate cake, she sent me the feel of her feet after slogging through the forest for four days. No contact so far today.


    I''ve got a bad feeling about this.


    Anything in particular?


    No, just that they ought to have sprung whatever they''re doing by now. Can you let Lancaster know?


    She sent a mental shrug followed by, I will, but I think he feels the same way.


    I finished off the cake and went back to recruiting. By the end of the day we wound up with a few dozen folks planning on heading to the Academy tomorrow to Volunteer. I''d even gone ahead and written up contracts for them, just to speed things up.


    We all walked home in the gathering twilight and made it back in time for dinner. I hate to say it, but after the Drivers''? The Dining Hall''s food just didn''t compare. After dinner Isnomi and I wandered back to our cell. You coming home tonight?


    I''m afraid not, love. I can''t justify it on days I''m not in need of recuperation from firing Vulcan.


    Okay. Love you. Miss you.


    Love you too, Goof. My love to the little one.


    "Mom says she loves you, Isnomi."


    "La ya, Ma!"


    Isnomi loves you too.


    After that I stripped us both down, Mimicked Saffron long enough for Isnomi to get her evening feeding, then went to sleep.


    Would have been a good day if I wasn''t worrying my ass off all day long.

 Day One Hundred And Forty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    I promised Saffron I''d hold off until she called for me or something happened to her. My blood pressure is regretting that right now.


    So yesterday was pretty copacetic. Nothing going on but day-to-day stuff, even if I did spend the day recruiting instead of practicing my written Celtic. At the end of the day I fed Isnomi, curled up in bed, and went to sleep.


    I don''t remember if I dreamed or not. I''m not sure I actually got to sleep. As I lay there in the quiet, darkened room, slowly drifting off, Saffron''s voice interrupted my snooze.


    Don''t be alarmed, but there may be a problem.


    Sure, like there''s any chance at all that phrase interrupting my nodding off wasn''t going to throw me into immediate panic mode.


    What''s going on?


    The camp is under attack. I need to focus, but you should be able to watch through my eyes.


    With that I got sucked into a vision of what she was seeing, hearing, feeling right at that moment. Copper filled her mouth as she buttoned up her jacket, slung Vulcan''s case over her shoulder, and grabbed up her other weapons. Unlike the rest of her squad, she didn''t carry a shield.


    Why not Vulcan?


    He''s not exactly a close-quarters weapon. Stop jostling my elbow.


    Yes Ma''am.


    With that, Gertrude and Vivian led the way out of the tent. They joined the rest of Saffron''s unit and moved toward the sounds of fighting. After passing another row of tents, they came across a gaggle of soldiers in orange with blue crosses led by a pair in fancy blue and orange outfits. One of the guys in blue and orange shouted something, but I couldn''t make it out over the general battlefield noises. Saffron shouted, "Down!", and the front row dropped to one knee, shields up in front of them. "Second rank, fire!"


    The gaggle of ''Damn soldiers was maybe thirty feet away, and they pretty much filled the lane between tents. It would have taken effort to fire and not hit something, and at those ranges our crossbows hit hard enough to punch right through metal armor, let alone leather or squishy meat sacks. Two of the soldiers fell, and one of the ''Damn officers took a bolt to the shoulder. Unfortunately, all it did was piss him off. "Third rank, fire!"


    Saffron had brought her crossbow up as the line in front of her dropped to one knee to begin reloading. I have no idea where the other two aimed at, if they bothered to aim at all, but given where the first volley hit, my guess was center mass. Saffron herself took aim at the wounded officer''s left eye, and when she shouted the command to fire, I watched the officer stumble backward, then drop to the ground limp. Another soldier dropped, and the other officer staggered. I lost track of the battle as Saffron knelt; while she tried to see as she reloaded, the bulk of the guys in the front line obscured any vision to the front. "Fourth rank, fire!"


    Crossbows loosed with that metallic twang, and from downrange I heard the enemy officer shout, "charge!"


    Saffron shouted out, "second rank, fire!" The guys in front of her stood, another volley of crossbow bolts flew downrange. The sounds of men falling over shouldn''t be that loud. While that happened, Saffron had been Shaping. She released the shape then stood, her crossbow coming up to her shoulder. The enemy, given the order to charge, had closed the gap to maybe ten feet when Saffron called out, "third Rank, fire!" Again she aimed for the enemy officer, but this time he was ready, dodging to the side just as she fired. The shot which would have punched a hole in his head just clipped his ear. He leapt, then hit something in midair that deflected him away.


    Her bolt loosed, Saffron knelt again and called out ''Fourth rank, fire!" Another thrumming of bows as Saffron worked her crossbow''s lever like a maniac. "First rank, fire!"


    "Damned Phileo Magi!" The officer, now sliding down the side of Saffron''s Filtration Ward, swore vehemently, but apparently he didn''t have anything to break the Ward with. Instead, he drew a knife from his belt and flung it directly at Saffron. Right before it hit, Sergeant Viktor pushed her aside and took the hit.


    Saffron scrambled to her feet and took aim at the officer''s center mass. "All ranks, fire when ready." She followed her own order, and half a dozen crossbow bolts punched right through the ''Damn officer. He finally slid to the ground, and Saffron took the momentary reprieve to cock her bow, drop her Filtration Ward, walk over to where the second ''Damn officer lay bleeding, and put a bolt straight into his eye at point blank range.


    That done, she turned and jogged back to her unit. Sergeant Viktor had the hilt of a knife sticking out of his chest at an odd angle, but he was still breathing, albeit painfully. Saffron knelt next to him and placed one hand on his shoulder and the other on the hilt of the knife. She looked to the two Veterans on either side of her and said, "hold him." Once they had a firm grasp of the Sergeant''s shoulders, she looked him in the eye and said, "ready?"


    He grunted, "no, but..." His words got lost in a scream of pain as Saffron ripped the dagger out, hitting him with a Stabilize just as she did so. He slumped to the ground, unconscious.


    She sucked her teeth. "I''d love to say our job is done after that lot, but not likely." She leaned over, shaped a Heal Injury, and dumped it right into the knife wound.


    Sergeant Viktor''s eyes shot open at that, and he said, "never gonna be ready for that kinda shit." He reached up and used Saffron''s offered hand to lift himself to his feet. I suppose working out with me really did give her the strength to manhandle somebody bigger than her when the need arose. Face blank, he nodded to the second officer Saffron had finished off. "that wasn''t real honorable-like."


    She just looked up at him. "War is not a game."


    A smile stretched the Sergeant''s face and he replied, "let''s go get some." He turned to the unit.


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    She asked, "Anyone else injured?" It turned out Thomas had a smashed toe where he''d driven his shield down before pulling it back, and Vivian had pinched a finger in her crossbow''s lever, but nothing that would slow them down. At Viktor''s confirmation, Saffron said, "we''re going to head for General Lancaster''s tent, sweeping the lanes as we go."


    "Yes, ma''am!" her unit called out. They fell back into formation, then started toward the commander''s tent. Just before they got there, a flare of light erupted in front of them, followed by the sounds of metal clashing. As her unit came in view of the entrance to Lancaster''s tent, she saw him fighting with three officers backed up by a dozen guys with spears. While the guys with spears weren''t really interfering, they did seem to be forming a perimeter to prevent him from getting away. For his part, Lancaster had some kind of polearm, a long slightly curved blade on a stick, and if he wasn''t making much forward progress against the three officers, he wasn''t losing, either. Still, with blood dripping from all four of them, it was only a matter of time before they wore him down by attrition, if nothing else.


    With everyone focused on the four men fighting in the middle of the circle, not to mention the awful lighting and constant sound of screams and fighting, none of the enemies had noticed Saffron''s unit yet. She whispered, "front two ranks, kneel. All ranks, fire on my mark." The order got passed through the unit quickly, and Saffron aimed at the back of the head of one of the three enemy officers. The moment he stopped to draw a break, she barked out, "mark!" as she fired. The enemy she''d aimed at never saw it coming, and if he started moving just before she fired, that only meant that he wound up with a bolt coming out of his eye instead of his forehead.


    One of the two officers on Lancaster spun and charged for Saffron''s unit; this time she didn''t have enough time to put up a Filtration Ward to keep him out. He knocked two bolts out of the air with his sword, and then he was on the front line. He lunged, the point of his sword hitting Richard''s shield and penetrating. He followed that up with a kick to Harold''s shield that sent Harold stumbling back into the second rank, knocking them all prone. At this point the enemy looked straight at Saffron and cried out, "you!" then leapt at Saffron, who spun to interpose Vulcan''s case between her and a sword swing that would have bisected her. Without thinking, I leapt to her, fully intending to give this asshole a new orifice, but before I could so much as push out a Mana Blade, one protruded from between the guy''s shoulder blades. I turned to help out with the rest of the ''Damn troops, only to see Lancaster finishing off the last of them, including one who had turned to run and one who had been kneeling on the ground. While he did that I took the opportunity to clothe myself, since it was really fuckin'' cold out here.


    "Diaz! What are you doing here?"


    "Had a bad feeling, figured I''d help out?''


    He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Dammit. You and you," he pointed to Jack and Mary, "start spreading the word that everyone is to form up on my tent." As the two sped off, he turned to the rest of the unit. "Sergeant, get the rest of this unit to form a perimeter around the tent. As for you two," he glared at both of us, but mostly at me. "You''re on Healing duty. Anyone you can get back in fighting shape, do so. Anyone you can''t, deliver back to one of the Infirmaries. And Diaz?"


    "Yes, sir?"


    "Under no circumstances are you to leave my tent except to head back to the Academy when this is done. Understood?"


    "Yes, sir!"


    For the rest of the night, we wound up playing M.A.S.H., only with a lot less time spent per injury, what with Heal Injury pretty much fixing anything if you threw enough Mana at it. By the end of the night, there were only two who I had to ferry back to the Infirmaries; both of them had taken pretty bad head wounds, and even after I patched them up they didn''t do much other than lie there. No idea why, they just didn''t get back up the way the others had. I think the battle lasted about two hours. At least, that''s when I stopped hearing screams and the clash of metal on metal. Around two hours after that we stopped getting new wounded, and Lancaster pushed his way through the tent flaps.


    "You two are still in here?"


    I shrugged. "Nobody told us to go anywhere else."


    "No, but I fully expected you to run out of Mana after a while."


    I grinned up at him, "Nah. That''s something other people do."


    He just glared at me for a bit while I pushed myself up into a passable parade rest. I hadn''t run out of Mana, or even come close, but the effort of shaping it all had taken something of a toll on me; sweat dripped from my hair, enough that one of my ears had filled up with sweat at one point and refused to empty itself. After a bit spent glaring at me to zero effect, he shook his head, "so be it. Good work with the Healing, I''ve been informed that only two survivors required Infirmary visits?"


    "Yes, sir. Don''t know what happened with them. Head injuries?"


    He just nodded, "something for DeLeon and Siobhan to research, I''m sure, but for now I''m completely satisfied with making the New Amsterdam forces lose thirty for every one of ours." For a moment he closed his eyes, muttering something, then turned back to the two of us. "Aetos, gather your unit up and return here. We''ll be altering our bivouac night to night from now on; those three Heroes knew exactly where my tent was."


    "It is kinda the biggest one in the place, sir." He just stopped and stared at me. I shrugged. "Sorry, sir. It''s how I found you the other night."


    He facepalmed. "Out of the mouths of babes. So be it. Diaz, return to the Academy and do not come back unless you''re called for. Aetos, be about it, we''ll still want to reorganize the camp; I''m told they came from behind us as well. Diaz?"


    "Yes, sir?"


    "Let the Headmaster know they''ve gotten troops behind us somehow. It shouldn''t be too many, but any troops at all could pose a problem while most of our Heroes are in the field."


    "Yes, sir!"


    "Well, get going."


    Stay safe, Kitten.


    You too, Goof.


    I stepped back to Miles'' office, only to have the man himself nearly jump out of his skin. "Headmaster?"


    "Cadet Diaz. I''m sure I''ve heard of some custom called ''knocking''."


    "Sorry, Headmaster. I was given a message for you from General Lancaster."


    He shook his head while he blotted up some ink he''d splotched when I arrived. "How did.. never mind that, what''s the message?"


    "The ''Damn Army has gotten troops behind our Grand Army. I''m guessing we need to man the walls or something?"


    He nodded. "That''s about the size of it." He sighed. "Back to your room, Diaz."


    What else could I do? I jogged back to my room, only to find the Menace and Marie sitting up waiting for me. Marie took one look at me, said, "Wait," and left, only to return a bit later with her bath cart. After a thorough washing, she tucked the Menace and I into bed. I''m not sure what happened after that, because I fell directly to sleep.


    Marie woke me the next morning in time to get breakfast. Then she woke me again halfway through breakfast, but that time I actually got up and got myself down to the Dining Hall. I hadn''t really noticed before, but the place looked really empty with all the Cadets who were in the field. I mean, it never really got crowded, since I think the place was intended to feed all the Cadets and Heroes all at once, but now it practically echoed. Near the end of breakfast, Headmaster Miles stood up and waited for everyone to quiet down. "Cadets, each of you will be required to stand guard at the City walls. The rotation is posted opposite the Entrance; review it as soon as breakfast is done."


    Which is how I wound up spending all day Saturday standing on Camden Yards'' north wall, staring at nothing much at all. From what she told me, Saffron had pretty much the same deal; Lancaster decided that the Army would spend a day recuperating from the night battle, for a value of ''recuperating'' that meant ''digging a moat and lighting the whole place up like a shithouse in the fog''.


    Still, could have been worse. Could have had to spend the day practicing my written Celtic without Saffron.

 Day One Hundred And Forty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    Did not expect Lancaster the Least to be at all helpful, ever, but wonders never cease.


    So yesterday we got assigned to guard duty on the walls. While that wound up a little boring, it wasn''t exactly dangerous. Unfortunately, it wasn''t physically taxing either, which meant I wound up crashing kind of hard at the end of the night, and not in a ''go to sleep right away'' way, either. Saffron paid a quick visit; which helped quite a bit with me getting to sleep. I think she also traded out her sweat-soaked uniform for a clean one.


    Same dream, although now one of the itchy bits had started wandering. Really annoying, since I thought they were going away. Woke up to Isnomi attempting to nurse, so I Mimicked Saffron and let her go about it. I think I fell back to sleep at that point. I woke all the way up when Marie climbed out of bed, letting a huge waft of cold air flood the warm nest we''d made under the blankets. Being a mature adult and realizing she couldn''t have done otherwise, I didn''t yell.


    I may have squeaked. I definitely squawked. But I didn''t yell.


    Marie looked over at me and said, "Sorry."


    I shook my head. "Don''t worry about it. My own damn fault the room is so cold. I think I need to go pick Doc Roberts'' brain about how to fix the damn heating enchantment."


    I looked down to see if Isnomi had finished, only to find she''d gone fuzzy. After letting her nurse a few moments more, I remembered her teeth. "Okay, Menace. That''s enough for you for now."


    Wonder of wonders, she detached and scrambled for the armoire. I rolled myself out of bed and followed her. We both got dressed as quickly as we could; Marie made sure Isnomi''s ties and buttons were actually tied and buttoned rather than just being tangled into knots. When all three of us had finished dressing, I asked, "Can you take her for the day, Marie?"


    "Yes."


    "Okay then." I turned to Isnomi, who held up her hands.


    I reached down and lifted her up. She glomped my neck and said, "ba cafa Mama."


    It''s almost like she''s the mature one sometimes. "I''ll be careful. Now you need to put the fuzzy away."


    "Na! Ca!"


    "I''m well aware how cold it is. Once you get out of the room here you''ll be fine, but that''s not going to happen until you''re unfuzzied."


    She grumped a little at that, then launched herself in the direction of Marie''s cart. She almost made it. Thankfully for her skull and my blood pressure, Marie caught her right before she faceplanted into the side of the cart. Marie set her atop the cart and then, after I gave her a quick hug, left for her day of Marie things.


    I wandered down to breakfast, reveling in ''not being stupidly cold''. In the midst of me shoveling plenty of fuel down the pie hole, Headmaster Miles stood and announced, "Cadets, as has been pointed out to me, you should be paired up for guard duty. Check the rosters posted inside the Entrance for your new assignments."


    A vague sense of foreboding gripped me at that announcement, but I kept nomming. I''d read somewhere that polar explorers ate a lot to have the calories to keep themselves warm. That sounded like a great reason to indulge in some serious overeating, so I did.


    When I got out to check the roster, at first I had some difficulty finding my name. The rest of the Cadets wound up pairing off and leaving while I looked for my name. When I finally found it, I realized why I''d had such trouble. Lancaster stood staring at the roster. He''d been there since I came out, and I hadn''t checked the spot he stood in front of. "Hey, Lancaster? Do you see my name on there anywhere?"


    He looked at me, loathing clear in his eyes, then stepped aside, pointing at one line on the roster. "There."


    I looked, couldn''t believe my eyes, looked again, and heaved a sigh. Lancaster and I were paired up along the section of wall I''d patrolled yesterday. "Well. Could be worse."


    He cocked his head. "How?"


    "Yeah, I''m not sure on that. I''ll get back to you." Still, we had our orders. I headed for the Entrance, only to have Lancaster grab my shoulder. I froze, half expecting him to do something stupid right then and there.


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    "I need to pick something up from my room."


    I turned enough to see his face, nodded, and said, "just don''t be all day about it, okay?"


    He set out for the Men''s dorms at a leisurely pace. For my part, I headed out. Of course, I got outside I realized that it had snowed last night. Not a lot, but enough to make the steps a little treacherous. I managed to get down them without any mishaps, although once or twice my foot tried to slip out from under me. I got down to more or less flat level ground and things got better. I trudged along following the path others had already trod down into slush. Once I hit the far side of the bridge, the path thinned out a lot as folks made a bee line for their assigned bits of the wall. I''d looked behind me a couple times when the road was straight, but didn''t see Lancaster.


    Typical.


    Once on the wall, I discovered that whoever had the wall before me hadn''t bothered to sweep the snow off. With the current temp, if I just walked back and forth along the wall, I was gonna pack the snow into ice. I leaned against the wall at the top of the gate-tower, trying to figure out if there was a way to use one of my Spells to clear things, or if I''d be better off getting a shovel. Just before I went back down to see if I could borrow a shovel from the guys guarding the gate, inspiration hit. I Shaped an Air Shield as wide as the top of the wall, and within seconds it blew away all the snow, leaving pristine stone. I repeated that one section of wall at a time as I walked; the worst result was when someone down below inside the wall yelled out, "I just got done sweeping that!"


    "Sorry!" I answered. I mean, I wasn''t really sorry, because where else would I put the stuff? But I did try to angle it toward the outside of the wall from then on.


    Right as I finished up our assigned portion of the wall, Lancaster called out. "Hey, Diaz! Catch!" Not having any idea what he wanted me to catch, I spun, only to catch a face full of fuzzy fabric. When I got out from under it, I looked at Lancaster; he had a full length fur coat over his uniform, with a matching hat atop his head. A few moments of examining the fuzzy bundle he''d thrown me showed it to be the same kind of coat. Maybe a little threadbare in more than one spot, but still warmer than just my uniform.


    "Thanks," I said as I slipped it on. When I shoved my hands in my pockets, I discovered an even more moth-eaten fur hat in one of them. As I pulled it on, I said, "no, really, thank you."


    He shrugged. "De nada. You''d be less than useless guarding if you''re freezing to death. It''s a Lancaster''s duty to see to it those assisting them are well equipped."


    There it was. Good old Larry; count on him to turn a reasonably friendly gesture into some kind of obligation. Still, I''d had my share of hand-me-downs in the past, and I wasn''t about to say no to this one, especially given the temperature.


    We divvied up the wall into two reasonably even sections, then settled into the endless monotony of walking back and forth, looking out at the pine forest that started a few hundred feet outside the walls. According to Doc DeLeon''s lessons, the folks living in there made their way as hunters; the big farms were southeast of Camden Yards, where the woods hadn''t been nearly as thick before the area was settled. Of course, he also said that the woods directly east of the Yards were populated by, I shit you not, ''Jersey Devils''. Based on the description, they sounded like some kind of skinny bipedal bear, but I for one wasn''t going to go wandering to find out any sooner than I had to. From what Doc DeLeon said, they sounded mean as fuck, and really tough to kill.


    Shortly before lunch, Lancaster waved me over and told me to cover his section while he went to take a leak. I shrugged and said, "sure." I mean, what am I gonna do, have him piss himself and make a slippery spot on the wall? He could sure as hell use some lessons in civility, although I wasn''t about to give him one right now, what with it being cold enough to freeze a witch''s tits off. When he got back, I said, "cover for me?" He got a booger look, but nodded. What else could he do when I''d just covered for him?


    I dashed down the steps, then sprinted down the street until I arrived at Driver''s. The line was short, and when I got to the front, I just asked for, "two of whatever''s hot and ready to go." I tried to pay with some change out of my coin purse, but when they caught sight of my uniform jacket they wouldn''t take my money. As soon as they handed me two paper-wrapped packages, I thanked them and bolted back for the wall. Running without having both hands to balance wasn''t a good choice, as I landed on my ass twice on the way back, but I managed to keep my grip on both packages, and they were still warm once I got back. When I hit the top of the wall and got close enough, I called out, "Hey, Lancaster! Catch!" and threw him his.


    Not sure what he got, but mine was some kind of almost-hoagie on ciabatta bread, although the meat had obviously been in an oven not long before, and the whole thing felt kinda toasted.


    While I ate, I pinged Saffron. How are you doing, Kitten?


    We''re marching forward again. No faster than before, though.


    Miss you.


    I miss you too, Goof.


    So for the rest of the day we just walked back and forth along our portion of the wall. Nobody came sneaking out of the woods, and the traffic at the gate itself was super-sparse, just a few guys bringing in furs and shit on little travois things. The guards at the gate searched the cargo thoroughly, and they seemed to know the hunters by name, so I figured they weren''t spies trying to get into the City. Or they''d been spies the whole time, in which case we were all a little bit fucked, but I''d deal with that when I had to deal with that.


    At the end of the day, as some city Guards came on shift to relieve us, Lancaster stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. I kinda figured he wanted his coat back, but instead he just said, "thanks for lunch."


    "De nada. You''d be less than useless guarding if you''re starving to death."


    See? Your girl can be polite. Polite-ish. Eh, who am I kidding. I just couldn''t resist getting that dig in.

 Day One Hundred And Forty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    Kinda weird how I wound up here because I was cutting school, and now I''m going out of my way to learn new stuff. Then again, most of what I''m learning here is stuff I want to know, not stuff somebody else thinks I''ll need to know.


    So apparently standing around in the cold isn''t really enough of a workout to help me sleep, even with the walking back and forth part of it. It took me forever to get to sleep, but being cuddled in with Marie and Isnomi kept me from giving in to the intrusive self-destructive thoughts.


    Same dream as normal last night; that one tadpole that chose to leave the dampness seems to be chasing all the itchy away from itself. Of course some of it seems to have slopped around the edges. Weird.


    Woke up to Isnomi staring into my eyes from about two inches away, one hand on each of my ears. "Mama! Pay! Pay!"


    I blinked myself awake, "You want me to do what now?"


    "Ma fah! Ma Ahnama fah!" She spread her arms out and made flapping motions. The wave of cold air that hit when she did that woke me entirely up immediately. I looked over to where Marie had barely finished dressing.


    "Heads up!" I tossed the menace to Marie, who spun her around in one hand a couple times before yeeting her back to me. We spent a few minutes doing that before Marie caught her and set her on top of her cart to be dressed.


    "Na! Ma fah!"


    "Sorry, kiddo. We''ve both got to get to work. If Marie says you''ve behaved today, we can play some more tonight, okay?" She flopped onto her butt, arms folded and lip out, but didn''t say anything else while Marie dressed her in her little uniform. I pulled my own on, and felt some kinda way when I noticed Marie could dress Isnomi faster than I could dress myself. Worse, all her buttons and ties were done properly. Not like I can''t dress myself, but I''d like to think I''m quicker than an uncooperative toddler.


    I picked up the coat Lancaster had... given me? Loaned me? I wasn''t sure if he''d want it back or not once the weather wasn''t so brutally cold, but for now I wasn''t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Marie took one look at it and shuddered, holding out one hand to me. I handed her the coat, and she gave it a once over, even sniffing at it. I''m pretty sure she didn''t taste it, but I can''t be absolutely certain. When she folded it up and put it behind Isnomi on the cart, I said, "you know I''m gonna need that once I''m done eating breakfast, right?"


    She just looked at me like I''d suddenly donned the mantle of Captain Obvious, and said, "Yes."


    After a quick hug and kiss goodbye, Marie and Menace trundled off for a day of carting and Marie things, and I headed for the Dining Hall. Weird thing; I got there before it opened. Like, how the hell am I getting up early and not getting all pissy about it? At any rate, I was at the head of the line when the doors opened, and went with my ''eat enough calories to keep myself warm until hell freezes over'' strategy again, since it worked so well yesterday. Anyone attempting to convince me that my eating habits are somehow unrelated to my secondhand fur coat can keep that negativity to themselves, thank you very much.


    I was getting a little worried about missing that fur coat when the Dining Hall closed down, but when I walked out to the Entrance, Marie and Menace waited there for me. Marie put the coat on me, and the menace helped me button it up. As I ought to expect by now, the threadbare patches and other minor weathering were gone like they''d never existed. We had another round of hugs and kisses, and we went our separate ways to do our duties for the day.


    Speaking of duties, I kinda had two conflicting ones.


    Hey Boss?


    Yes, Tabitha?


    I have guard duty on the walls today. How do you want me to handle this?


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    "It''s been a while since I visited you rather than the other way around, hasn''t it?"


    I tried to act like his sudden appearance hadn''t just made me jump out of both my own skin and the skins of all the cute fuzzy animals who had died to make my toasty warm coat. "Hey, Lyman." I said without turning to face him. The wind was presently blowing from that direction, and the hat that came with the coat offered like, no protection on my face, so I was turtled down into the coat as much as I could be. Yeah, up on the walls it would be windier and I wouldn''t be able to scrunch like this, but that was a problem for later Tabitha. Right now Tabitha wanted nothing so much as to get out of the cold, or at least hide from it as much as she could.


    "Hey, Boss. Everything good with you and the missus?"


    He chuckled at that. "More than fine, thanks to a certain High Priestess."


    "Good to hear."


    "What of you and your wives?"


    That last kinda prodded me, I don''t know why. "Wife. Marie and I aren''t married."


    "And yet she sleeps with you whenever your mutual duties permit, cares for your child, and handles every other wifely duty one might imagine."


    "Now I kinda feel guilty about that."


    He sighed at me. Don''t ask me how I knew it was ''at me'', it just was. "Dearest Tabitha, did you force her into her current position?"


    "No fair talking about positions when any reaction I have is just gonna freeze solid."


    He laughed at that, then said, "and now who is evading the question?"


    I thought about it for a second, but had to reply with an honest, "no. She kinda demanded it, really."


    "So why feel guilty?"


    That got me thinking for quite a while. Just before we got to the gate tower. As we climbed up the steps, I finally answered, "because she''s clearly an equal partner in every way except that one."


    "Hmm... so that little formality is important to you?"


    As we passed Lancaster, who''d beat me to the wall somehow, he did a double take. "How is he not freezing up here?"


    I finally turned to look at Lyman, who wore nothing more than the not-quite-uniform he wore when tutoring me. Before I could say anything, he replied, "lucky parentage."


    Lancaster snorted, "so you''re part Selkie?"


    Lyman shook his head, "Jotnar."


    Lancaster looked Lyman up and down, making it really obvious that Lyman wasn''t all that much taller than Larry. "Jotnar? You?"


    I''d kept walking as the two did their little verbal sparring thing, so the conversation ended with Lyman replying, "I''m much taller than I look," before we got out of range.


    Once we reached my assigned portion of the wall, I said, "y''know, I think it actually might be important to me. I mean, I''m not going to force her or anything, but yeah, if she wanted it, I''d feel bad keeping it from her."


    He reached out and put a hand on top of my head and ruffled my hair despite the hat. "Such a kind young woman, always trying to do the best she can for those around her. It makes me wonder if she''s the same person I watched maim a Goddess and destroy a soul on the Equinox."


    I winced a little. "You saw that?"


    "I could hardly not."


    I tromped along the cold stone of the wall. The only way to stay warm involved some kind of constant motion, so I moved. "I was pissed off."


    "Clearly."


    "She fucked with my family."


    "Correct me if I''m wrong, but you hadn''t married your darling Saffron then, had you?"


    I blinked, then said, "technically? No, I hadn''t. But that didn''t matter. Isnomi was already one of my people. I''m not sure how to explain it."


    "You need not explain yourself to me. I have no problems with what you did that night."


    I looked at him, despite the blast of wind to the face I got. "You have no problem with me destroying a soul, or maiming a Goddess?"


    He just smiled that naughty little boy smile he did so well. "Artemis'' priestess had taken the soul of one of your people, without consent I might add. Your actions in taking hers were just. As for Artemis herself? She may not have broken the letter of the Pact, since she wore the body of her former Priestess, but she certainly broke the spirit of it. You gave her an object lesson in why that was a bad idea."


    Just then Saffron thought at me, the Grand Army is advancing again. I''m going to be focused on trying to spot any more traps or ambushes, but I''ll call for you if I need you.


    Gotcha. Love you, Kitten.


    Love you too, Goof.


    "So, if we''re cool at the moment, mind telling me how you aren''t freezing your ass off in that?"


    He laughed, "don''t tell me I fooled you with that lie I told your watch partner?"


    "I''m thinking it''s more than just ''being Jotnar'' that has you immune to cold."


    He shrugged, "more or less. The further from the source of all Jotnar a person is, the more the cold might affect them."


    "And you''re the son of Ymir, who is literally a glacier, and Laufey, who tells cold to go fuck itself, she does what she wants."


    That got him laughing hard enough he had to sit down on one of the wall''s crenellations. "Oh, I absolutely must share that with her."


    "Okay, so how do I get in on the anti-freeze situation before my nose freezes off?"


    He stared at me for like thirty seconds, chuckling, before finally saying, "you''ve been translocating back and forth between my cavern, your Academy, and the Army for how long, and you still ask that question?"


    What can I say? I''m a special kind of stupid at times.

 Day One Hundred And Forty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    Give me an honest stand up fight any day, because I''m really not sure how to deal with somebody I know is an asshole but they''re being nice at the moment.


    So yesterday after Loki jostled my brain around with a few well chosen words, I managed to get his Jotnar immunity to cold temperatures going. Of course, because life can''t be, y''know, easy, it''s not really as good as I''d hoped. I can''t get frostbite, and my skin doesn''t freeze, but I''m not warm, and my clothes and hair can still ice up if they get wet. Which they did, because of course it had to rain in the afternoon. Right about when my coat started crunching with every step, I realized that while I couldn''t freeze to death, there was another live human being on the wall with me. My supposed partner, even if we''d mostly been watching our own sections of the wall rather than walking the whole double section together.


    I wandered down the wall until I saw him pushing his way forward through the freezing rain. "Yo, Lancaster, how you holdin'' up?"


    He looked up at me from where he''d totally turtled down into his coat and said, "what?"


    I stepped closer to him, then got a rush of brains to the head and put up a Filtration Ward set to block out the rain. Well, set to block out water, anyhow. Immediately the noise level dropped off, although we still had wind cutting past us. "How are you holding up?"


    He looked around at the Filtration Ward before answering. "I''ll live, I suppose. Set to block water?"


    "Yeah, figured it would make it easier to talk. Also maybe a little harder to freeze to death."


    "You realize we''re trapped in here now?"


    I facepalmed. "Dammit. I should have thought of that."


    He smirked at me. "Yes, you probably should have."


    Of course, that gave me an idea, as whatever passes for a brain in my head finally tossed a few useful bits of information up. "Just a second."


    First I slid out a Mana Blade and sliced through the Filtration Ward until it gave up and rain doused us again. Then, working from what I remembered of the forges under the school, I put up another Filtration Ward set specifically to filter out water not-in-people. Once again we stood in a more or less dry section of the wall. "You really think someone''s going to come throw down with us in the middle of all this?" I waved my hand out at the storm outside.


    "Frankly? I doubt it. But we''ve been ordered to patrol this section of the wall, and a Lancaster follows orders."


    I returned his smirk with interest, "even dumb ones?"


    "There wouldn''t be much point if you only followed the ones you thought smart." He heaved a sigh. "Not that you''d understand that."


    I shook my head at his ongoing Lancasterness, then said, "c''mon, least I can do is put Wards up to keep us out of the rain."


    He nodded, and we walked the wall with me throwing up a new Filtration Ward each time we got near the end of the old one. After one long lap, we had the entire thing covered, at least until my Filtration Wards ran out. Worst case I could just put them up again, although the first volley had me sweating a little.


    Of course Lancaster had to burst my little bubble of accomplishment at his first opportunity. "While I appreciate not being rained on, and this does give us more visibility, at least along the wall, It would be nice if we could do something about the cold."


    I facepalmed again as I remembered where I''d gotten the inspiration for the ''let living things pass'' part of the Wards we were walking through now. As we made a second lap, I popped up Filtration Wards set to keep not-in-a-person heat in. Of course, because we weren''t standing still, the effect was minimal, but I can only do so much. "Best I can do."


    He nodded, then asked, "where did you get the idea for that type of Ward? Intermediate Heroics?"


    I shook my head. "Nah. They use a Ward like that in the smithy in the Academy basement."


    He gave me a weird look and asked, "you''ve been in the basement?"


    I nodded, "Yeah. Why?"


    "It''s... servants quarters. Why in the name of all that is holy would you go down there?"


    I sighed as I realized that despite everything, Lancaster gonna Lancaster. "Because Saffron and I both have friends down there."


    He just shook his head, muttering something like, "Bags of a feather." He muttered it low enough that I could pretend not to hear, especially with the wind picking up. "So you''ve dealt with the rain and made a start on the cold, but could you do something about this wind?"


    While the wind chill was definitely less than pleasant, I still remember my first thoughts about Filtration Wards. "Yeah, no. I''ve got this idea that I''ll screw it up and we''ll both suffocate before I can take it down."


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    He shrugged. "Fair point. At least with what you''ve done, we''ll be able to dry off; the coats should do the rest." After saying that, he frowned and looked at my coat. "Where did you get that coat?"


    I blinked, kind of weirded out by the question. "You gave it to me yesterday, remember?"


    "The coat I gave you yesterday wasn''t fit for a..." He choked off what he was going to say, then finished with, "a Lancaster."


    I smiled at him, "sometimes it pays to have friends in the basement."


    Not sure why that in particular shut him up, but it did. We spent the rest of the day walking the wall; never quite side-by-side, but close enough to catch one another when we hit the inevitable slick patches. We skipped lunch, since neither of us really wanted to go back out into the storm now that I''d made the wall less obnoxious.


    Right around lunch I decided to tag Saffron. Hey Kitten. How are you guys weathering the storm?


    Far better than I would have had you not recruited four bears in human form for my squad.


    You guys hunkered down?


    Much to General Lancaster''s dismay, yes. He''s especially annoyed because apparently his big tent, which he is no longer using, had a number of enchantments for keeping the weather out.


    Oh, noes! Daddy Lancaster will have to rough it!


    She snickered at that, then thought, how are you holding up without me there?


    I thought about that for a second. Dealing with the weather was a bitch, but it kept me distracted from my lack of Saffron. Not bad. I think the storm is actually helping with that.


    Why are you out in the storm again?


    Because they''ve got us guarding the walls, and I''m partnered with Lancaster the Least, who refuses to back down to man nor beast nor gloom of night, let alone bad weather.


    Oof. I''m going to try to get some sleep; we''ve been shorting ourselves a little to keep moving and setting up a more defensible bivouac each night.


    You do that. Love you, Kitten.


    Love you too, Goof.


    Lancaster and I kept up our patrol of the walls until the light turned from ''deep gray stormy skies hiding the sun'' to ''sun''s gone down, y''all need to get to bed''. I lost count of how many Filtration Wards I set, but by the end I wasn''t even having to watch. Just ''rain leaking in, put up new Ward, move on''. Once we got off the wall the wind wasn''t so bad, and we detoured to Drivers on the way home. Momma Driver wasn''t quite as outgoing with Lancaster the Least, but she fed both of us; meatloaf and mashed potatoes with butter and gravy, with mixed veggies on the side. I picked out corn, peas, and carrots, but there were a couple I didn''t recognize. Whatever they were, they passed the twin Camden tests of ''does it taste good'' and ''does it make you sick'' with flying colors, so I wasn''t gonna ask and maybe spoil it by learning they were, I dunno, sewer mushrooms or some other literal shit.


    Dinner was still being served when we got back, so I took advantage of the ''all the calories you can stuff in your mouth in fifteen minutes'' special, since I figured I''d been burning them at a prodigious rate. After that I stumbled back to the cell to find Marie playing with Isnomi. She took one look at me, yelled, "Mama!", and dashed over to glomp my legs. She then leapt backwards almost as fast. "Mama co!"


    "Yeah, Menace, It''s why I can''t take you with me, even if I wanted to. It''s way too cold for little Menaces outside." She got a determined look on her face and got fuzzy. "No, not even like that. I''ve got all this fur coat, and I still got cold. You, young lady, will stay indoors with Marie where it''s warm."


    She sighed, but said, "ah ka."


    Marie helped me out of my coat and uniform, useful because some of the bits still hadn''t unfrozen. After that she worked my stiffer bits until I kinda melted into bed; she tucked Isnomi and I into bed together, then headed for the door, uniform and coat in hand. "Come back when you''re done?"


    She nodded and said, "Yes," before leaving. I was asleep before she got back.


    Slept through the night, same dream as before, although everything was faintly chilly on top of all the other dream weirdness.


    I woke surrounded by fur. I''d curled around fuzzy Isnomi, and Marie had curled around me. I lay there just enjoying the warmth until Marie woke; I followed her out of bed. After the previous day, the room didn''t seem anywhere near as cold. Marie got herself dressed while I was still picking out clothes, then dressed me the rest of the way. I don''t know how she''d done it, but my coat was clean, dry, and warm. Together we got the menace dressed despite her morning grumbles, then got her to un-fuzzy before heading out for the day.


    After breakfast, when I finally got outside, the day had dawned clear and holy-fuckballs cold. Lancaster was nowhere to be seen, and I didn''t want to stand still, lest I freeze in place as an ersatz ''Rocky'' statue, so I headed for the wall. When I got there, Lancaster was already there, going through sword forms. Not a bad idea, honestly. When he saw me, he flipped something up off the ground with his foot, then tossed it to me, "Diaz, catch!"


    I caught it; he''d brought one of the Academy''s wooden training swords. "Uh, thanks?"


    "Unless you''ve been practicing since this all started, your sword forms are pathetic, even for a Bag."


    That, of course, rustled my jimmies something fierce. "One, good morning to you too, two, most Bag can''t afford swords, and three, I''ve got other ways of defending myself." Just to make my point, I slid a three-foot Mana Blade out of my left wrist, careful not to singe my coat.


    He sighed, "I''m well aware. Let me demonstrate. Come at me."


    I gave him a ''what the fuck'' look and said, "yeah, no, I''m not gonna go on trial again until Spring, at least. It''s way too cold for that shit."


    He rolled his eyes. "Humor me, you insolent Bag bitch."


    Fuck it, since he went to all the trouble of pissing me off, I''d ruin his coat at least. Anything non-lethal I could Treat. I jumped at him, bringing my Mana Blade down in a overhand swing. Two feet away from him, it hit an impenetrable barrier and bounced. A moment later, the tip, then edge, then hilt of his practice sword smacked my left hand three times; the third hit hard enough to make me lose my concentration on my Blade; not something I knew could even happen. It hurt like a bitch, too.


    "Eventually, someone is going to expect you, and come prepared. You need to have other options."


    "Fuck. That stings."


    "You seem to ignore anything but object lessons."


    "Not the hand," I said, trudging over to pick up the practice blade he''d thrown me. "The fact that you''re right."


    We spent the rest of the day, with a short break for me to run and get lunch from Driver''s, working on my swordplay. I''m not gonna say that I actually got good, but I did improve. By nightfall, it took him some real effort to disarm me, and I''d even landed a few hits on him. Glancing ones, but still better than in the morning. As we walked back to the Academy, I said, "Thanks."


    "De nada." It still weirded me out that he said that in not-Celtic.


    We parted ways at the Academy doors. I went straight for my room and, despite my body being one big ache, looked at Marie and said, "get Isnomi and yourself ready to go. We''ve got a council meeting to attend."


    See? Eventually even I can learn.

 Day One Hundred And Fifty

    Dear Diary,


    No idea what kind of bug Larry''s gotten up his butt about needing to train me into a passable swordsman, but it certainly helps me sleep better than just walking back and forth all day.


    So today began at sunset yesterday, since I didn''t want Aphrodite''s sock puppet to get the lectern and un-declare war or something else stupid like that. Marie helped me get my boots on. The dress I didn''t need help with; not like it''s complex or anything. So once we had the Menace ready to go, we stepped over to the Council chambers.


    Large Louis was there first, leaning against the register. Something tells me that he must work nights if he''s the guy McCann taps for night gigs like this. "Hey Louis. How''s it hangin''?"


    "Ah, Hell."


    I frowned at him while Marie claimed a seat for her and the menace. "Sounds almost like you''re not glad to see me?"


    He sighed, "boss told me I''d get a bonus if I held the Register until he got here, but he also told me not to get in your way if you wanted it."


    I grinned a little at that. "He just doesn''t want you getting hurt. Did he say how much?"


    "Nah. I trust him to make it worth my while to be standing here."


    I said, "tell you what. You move now, and I''ll back McCann on any single vote he likes, so long as it''s not un-declaring war."


    He stepped aside. "Guess that''s more than he expected to get. Thanks."


    "Tell him you argued me into it."


    "Nah. Lying to the boss is a sure fire way to get in deeper trouble than you already are. Pretty sure he''ll take you up on the vote thing, though."


    So I settled myself leaning against the Register. Around about when I guessed it was midnight, I reached out to Loki.


    Hey Boss?


    After a moment he responded, Yes, Tabitha?


    How do you do that two-places-at-once thing?


    I caught the impression of a smile, followed by, it''s relatively simple. Go to translocate, then as you''re doing it, both do and do not at the same time.


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    Yeah. Simple.


    Go ahead. Try it.


    I shrugged and took a step, with the intent to translocate to the far side of the Register. The moment before I did, I gave it my dead level best to both complete the step and not. Next thing I knew, I was staring at the back of my own head, and staring at the far side of the room at the same time. Worse, I got an awful case of feedback ringing in my ears. How the fuck do I turn this off?


    Just step back into yourself.


    I turned to look at myself and got a moment of really awful visual feedback on top of the high pitched whine that had overtaken everything. I did the translocate step thing, with the intent to show up in the position I stood in. I got a weird wrenching sensation, but the feedback cut off immediately.


    Do you get that every time you do that?


    I''m afraid not, but then I never collocate with myself either. Because as you''ve found out, it causes terrible feedback in your senses.


    All of them? I only got sight and sound.


    You do not want to experience scent feedback.


    I''ll take your word for it.


    I tried again, this time aiming for my room. When my foot landed, my vision wound up seeing both the Council chambers and our cell. After looking around just for the novelty of it, I realized that it was the middle of the night, and everyone I''d normally spend time with was here in the Council chambers. I decided to take advantage of the situation and get some rest, so I stripped out of The Dress and lay down.


    An hour later, having had no success sleeping, I pinged Loki again.


    Hey Boss?


    Yes, Tabitha?


    If I do the doubling thing, can I have one take a nap?


    I''m afraid not. If one of you actually fell asleep, the other would cease to be. It wouldn''t be traumatic, but it is strange.


    I take it that it''s happened to you?


    A few times, yes.


    Thanks for the info, Boss.


    I decided to test something, and the me in my room took a step back to me without leaving the bed. The wrenching sensation was worse than before, but nothing I couldn''t ignore. That done, I settled in to wait.


    When morning rolled around, I split myself between resting at the Register and standing on the wall.


    I''d forgotten exactly how little The Dress covered, and how cold it was. I managed to pull off Loki''s Instant Wardrobe thing in under a second, but my bits still protested their momentary exposure to holy-fuckballs tier cold.


    At that point I started taking roll and walking the wall. Not like either was particularly taxing. Of course, when Lancaster showed up with a pair of practice swords that kinda changed, but Register-me just had to read off names. Not exactly challenging or stimulating.


    So I spent the rest of the day practicing swordplay while managing the Council session. Alexa proposed ending the war three times, and I ignored every one. Other than starting the meeting, McCann didn''t seem to have anything pressing, so I guess I wound up promising a favor without knowing what it was, but I''d still rather owe McCann a favor than let him or anyone else have control of the register.


    Saffron checked in around noon. The army continued to advance, just slower now that everything had frozen over.


    By the end of the day, when I closed down the Council meeting and handed my practice sword back to Lancaster, I was completely exhausted. No need for anything special, I fell right the fuck to sleep, eternally grateful that I had Marie to put the menace to bed.

 Day One Hundred And Fifty One

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, I get that the whole ''I''ve got a bad feeling about this'' has become a whole meme, and that it''s usually one of those ''you never say that out loud'' kind of things. I also get that even if you''re not superstitious, you''re not supposed to taunt Murphy by saying it.


    But none of that changes the fact that I''ve got a bad feeling about this.


    The Grand Army has slowed to an absolute crawl. Between checking for booby traps, scouting for ambushes, keeping pickets out to watch for enemies sneaking around behind the Army, building what amounts to a fortress every night, then tearing it down in the morning to make sure any super-sneaky enemies aren''t able to use our bivouacs as forts to pin our Army between a rock and a hard place, General Lancaster going over hills rather than just following the valleys, not to mention everything being covered in a thick layer of snow over a thin layer of ice that isn''t going to melt any time soon, because it''s fuckin'' cold as balls? Yeah, they''ve been making maybe a mile a day, and for the past couple days they''ve seen, like, no enemies.


    Okay, no enemy combat units to speak of. They''ve come across a few farms that weren''t completely abandoned. Lancaster surprised me by not immediately jumping to war crimes; he commandeered some farm animals, had the locals questioned about when they''d last seen any ''Damn soldiers, and might have scared the shit out of some of the locals by pointing out that if he found proof they were voluntarily assisting the ''Damn Army he''d consider them enemy combatants and treat them accordingly, but other than that? Nada. No stringing the locals up, no reprisals for the earlier ambush, not even any prisoners taken. Hell, he even gave them IOUs for the animals they took. Not that they''ll be able to get the money if we lose the war.


    Fuck, maybe that''s why he did it? I can totally see General Lancaster playing some kind of psychological economic warfare against New Amsterdam by giving their people reasons to want us to win.


    They''ve also spotted scouts on their flanks. Nobody directly in front of the Grand Army, which means nobody in direct line of sight of General Lancaster, which means nobody in direct line of sight of Saffron and Vulcan. Apparently they can learn. Either that or all the stupid ones already got blown up by Vulcan, which amounts to the same thing in the grand scheme of things.


    At this point I''m really not sure which of us is having their nerves worked worse. In my case, I get to wait to hear from Saffron, hoping that if the enemy ambushes them she''ll have time to let me know. In her case, she''s actually there worrying about being ambushed.


    Of course, in order to ambush the Grand Army, they''d have to know which way they''re going to move, and that''s another reason they haven''t reached Newark yet. As the crow flies, there''s maybe twenty miles at most between Carnegie Lake, where they first engaged the ''Damn Army, and the outer walls of Newark. But there''s quite a bit of terrain in between; hills, small creeks, and any place that isn''t a farm or a ranch is pine forest. Worst of all for purposes of ''getting this over with before I have an aneurysm'', he''s never moved along the same axis twice. One day he moves straight toward Newark, the next he goes straight north, then straight east the day after that. Saffron''s pretty sure that at least once they spent the day moving away from Newark.


    So, yeah. I''ve got a bad feeling, and no idea if it''s justified or not.


    Slept well last night. Same dream, although the whole itchiness thing has gone away over by the rocks; instead it''s moved down near the lake. Really weird having the itch right next to the anti-itching from the psychedelic tadpoles. It''s like I''ve got a rash, but somebody put the anti-rash medication on the wrong body part. Weird fuckin'' dream.


    Woke up to Isnomi shaking me. Okay, not ''shaking'' shaking, more slapping at my shoulder until I woke up. When my eyes slid open, she looked at me with puppy dog eyes and said, "Ma?"


    "I miss her too, Menace." I Mimicked Saffron, and wonder of wonders the Menace didn''t immediately latch on to my tit. Instead she just curled up against me and made quiet distressed noises. I stroked her hair, playing with the curls to try and get her attention on anything but missing her Mom. I didn''t ping Saffron herself, because what with the lack of bombardment duty, Saffron had decided she should be staying with the Grand Army at night. Between ''cold as balls'' and ''no bed'', I couldn''t imagine she was sleeping well, so I wasn''t gonna wake her up if she was still sleeping. After a while just laying there trying to comfort one another, she decided breakfast was a good way to distract herself. I couldn''t blame her; if I was able to shrink down and forget about everything except milk and Momma, I would.


    That gave me the weirdest idea I''d had in a while. I jostled Isnomi gently, saying, "you done, Menace?" At her murmured denial, I continued with, "do you want to play before Momma has to go work?"


    Upon hearing the word ''play'', she detached and looked up at me, wondering what today''s toddler game would be. I grinned down at her, then Mimicked her.


    So weird being that small, with nothing quite right, but holy hell did her eyes light up. She bonked me on the head with her palm, hollered, "Tak!" and leapt off the bed. I''d say ''with me in hot pursuit'', but it took me a second or two to sort myself out. After that we played chase and pounce all over the room. At one point I got her cornered underneath the shrine, and the little terror went straight up the wall. I still have no idea how she pulled that one off. I wound up having to climb up the ropes to the top of the armoire, which was frighteningly easy given how much we''d tried to keep it from being climbable, then leap at her where she clung to the fucking ceiling of all things. I managed to get one hand clamped onto one of her legs. She squawked, that foot coming off the ceiling. Shortly after her other foot came loose, and she tried to kick me loose. One of her hands came loose, and I realized that whatever she was doing wouldn''t hold both of us right before her final point of contact came loose.


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    Un-Mimicking her and Mimicking Marie before we hit the ground wasn''t easy, but instead of the two of us testing the padding on the floor with our skulls, I caught her and just kinda sat down on the bed really heavily.


    She loved it, of course. Insane little menace.


    At that point I figured if we were awake, we ought to get the day started, so I shifted back to myself and got dressed. Then I spent a few minutes making much over how well Isnomi managed to dress herself. Somehow she''d gotten her shirt ties and her pants ties tied together, but neither of them seemed loose, so I decided it was good enough. We left the room and followed the squeak of cart wheels to find Marie delivering clean laundry.


    "Good morning Marie!"


    "Goo mana Mawa!"


    Marie nodded in acknowledgement, and I asked, "can you pick her up at the end of breakfast?"


    "Yes."


    I gave her a hug, which since I was carrying the Menace meant she got a double hug. "Thanks, Marie. You''re the best."


    "Dak Mawa. Yoo da bet!"


    She just smiled down at the little one and said, "Yes."


    Breakfast was fun, what with everyone doing their dead level best to consume enough calories to keep from freezing, and Isnomi toddling around the tabletop stealing whatever she could get her hands on. Weird thing I noticed while watching her browse. Butterball Bill? Wasn''t really any more. I mean, yeah, he still wasn''t exactly ''svelte'', but apparently all the working out with Angel had pushed him pretty far towards packing on some muscle underneath the outer padding. I mean, nothing like the seven foot cube of beef that was his dad, but at this point I figured he''d be able to handle any of the weapons in the armory.


    Marie showed up at the end of breakfast, and everybody got hugs and kisses goodbye from the Menace. I didn''t line up twice, no matter what anyone said.


    Three times, because I am Momma and I get more hugs and kisses.


    I walked to the wall with Lancaster, neither of us talking. We spent the whole day working our way along the top of the wall, practicing our sword work until our hands started to get numb, then walking with them pulled into our coats until they were warm enough for us to fence some more.


    Midway through the day Saffron tagged me. Goof?


    I was a little distracted, because despite a few days lessons and practice, Lancaster was pretty fuckin'' good with a sword. Yeah, Kitten? What''s up?


    I just got out of an interrogation of one of the ''Damn scouts we caught.


    I ducked under a horizontal slash, brought my sword up towards Lancaster''s crotch, and somehow he managed to twist his blade around to deflect it so I just grazed his thigh. Okay, I''m assuming you found out something interesting? Or are you in dire need of some brain bleach to forget about Lancaster''s interrogation methods?


    Oddly, no. He''s remarkably civilized about the whole thing. But the scout?


    I backed along the wall, parrying frantically as Lancaster''s sword seemed to turn into a goddamned sewing machine, thrusting everywhere my sword wasn''t. I managed to avoid most of them, and between the wooden swords, thick fur coat, refractory jacket, and layers of muscle I''d put on over the past four months, the ones that hit didn''t do more than bruise, but I knew I''d be bruised to a fare-thee-well tomorrow. What about the scout?


    He''s convinced that this whole war is a Holy War started by the followers of Ares, to, I quote, ''purge the darkness that has filled the skies of Phileo, even unto the heavens of the Gods.''


    Lancaster thrust a little higher than he had previously, and I took the opportunity to duck under it and bring my sword around to clock him in the side of the head. Of course, he brought his sword down on top of my head at the same time. Okay, yeah, so Bronze Age Roid Rage has come up with some bullshit to start shit. What''s new?


    You remember what Dionysus said? And what happened on All Hallow''s Day? I think he might not be lying.


    By mutual silent agreement, Lancaster and I each took a step back to recover from our mutual noggin knocking. I held up one hand to ask him for a quick break, then did Loki''s co-location trick, only trying to step to wherever ''Underhill'' was. I had no idea if it worked or not, because wherever I was? Completely filled with fuzzy, warm darkness. I crouched, put my hands on the ground, and felt the same paving stones as I felt when I did the same thing in front of Lancaster. I could even see the edges of the paver outlined in wireframe vision. But looking up, left, right, anyplace but the ground beneath me? Nothing but fuzzy darkness.


    Are you seeing this, Kitten?


    After a short pause, Saffron replied, are you doing that?


    I dunno. You know I have no idea how any of this Mimic shit works.


    She pushed a sigh through our connection, but her tone held as much amusement and affection as frustration. I''m well aware. So Ares isn''t lying.


    He''s still a dick.


    Oh, agreed. You might want to go see Dionysus and see if Ares has contacted him, maybe see if he knows anything more than he''s already told us.


    You trust me to go see Dionysus alone?


    That got a laugh out of her. You know the rules, Goof. I get full sensory input of any Happenings that Just Happen.


    Sounds almost like you''re looking forward to Happenings.


    She managed a growl through our link. I haven''t seen you or fired Vulcan in well over forty eight hours. Possibly seventy two. It''s so fucking cold it''s hard to think, and frustration isn''t helping that one little bit.


    Don''t worry, my little Kitten. We''ll just have to make up for lost time when the war''s over.


    I''m going to hold you to that, you realize. And holding will be the least of it.


    I know. I''ve got to get back to guard duty. Try to stay warm, Kitten.


    You too, Goof. Love you.


    Love you.


    With that she was gone. I stepped back into myself, stood up, took a step back to set myself for another spar with Lancaster, and stepped on a patch of ice. No damage except some bruising to my posterior and my pride, but Lancaster didn''t have to laugh quite that much about it.


    Then again, what kind of topsy-turvy world would we be in if a Lancaster wasn''t a dick?

 Day One Hundred and Fifty Two

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, back before my mom died, when she''d been diagnosed and knew she was dying, but before she got too sick to work, she used to pull all kinds of crazy hours. I didn''t get it at the time, why she didn''t just stay home and try to get well. From what I could tell later, that''s why I had that insurance money to live on after she passed. I didn''t get it then, I wanted more time with my mom, not money.


    I kinda get it now. Mom powers activate, I guess?


    Nothing new on the dream front. Just trying to vibe and ignore the itching.


    Woke up with each of us in our own ''bed'', save Saffron, who''s still with the Army. On the one hand, that means they haven''t even seen enough of the enemy to make firing Vulcan worthwhile. On the other hand, they''re getting really close to Newark, and if they don''t see the Newark Army today, that means they''ve pulled back behind the walls. I don''t remember too much about Military History, as compared to Mythology, but the one thing I do remember is how many people would die on both sides from dumb shit like dysentery. I hope the folks here and now have gotten better about latrines and shit, but given that indoor plumbing is still iffy, I kinda doubt it.


    Then again, Vulcan will definitely make a hell of a siege weapon.


    So I slipped out of bed in the early morning darkness and wandered over to Isnomi''s little toddler bed. When she''s asleep she''s such a little angel. I mean, she''s got her mom''s dark curly-wavy hair, but other than that? She''s almost the spitting image of one of those little cherubs you''d see in old paintings or modern religious holiday stuff. Then again, she''s lost some of the baby fat already. Not all of it by any means, but enough that she no longer looks a little bit overinflated the way really little toddlers do.


    From what Saffron said, she''s maturing about half again as fast as a straight human kid would. She was born in late winter, so I''m guessing she''s around nine months old, which would put her right around one and a half, I think? Mentally she''s way ahead of that, because Saffron, because Blend, because Mor. I can''t help but think how frustrating it would be to be, like, nearly an adult mentally, but still a kid physically.


    Wait, no, I know exactly what that''s like.


    She stirred a little in her sleep, and I crouched down next to her and quietly sang that stupid ''hush little baby'' lullaby she liked the other day. After a couple repetitions, I got the ultimate Mom reward; quiet little baby snores.


    I''d focused so much on Isnomi I hadn''t even thought about the third person in the room. Marie rolled over and kind of enveloped me; arms going around me, pulling me into her warm fuzziness. "Sorry. I didn''t mean to wake you," I murmured.


    "De nada," she whispered back.


    "Do you have to go to work yet?"


    "No."


    "Good."


    We lay there for a bit, quietly reveling in the silence, the softness, the warmth of each other''s bodies. It''s weird; after days of dealing with the unholy freezing cold outside, the chilliness of the room didn''t seem so bad. It definitely wasn''t too bad with someone there to warm me up. Odd, I''d never really thought of quiet and gentle and Marie all at the same time, but I learned how much I''d been missing out. Afterward, as we both lay there, I snagged a blanket to drape over both of us, because even quiet and gentle can get a little bit sweaty. After a while, I realized Marie''s melancholy expression mirrored my own.


    "You miss her too?"


    "Yes."


    I scooched up until I could cradle Marie''s head in my arms, then just lay there holding her for a while. I''m not sure if the moisture came from sweat or tears, but she squeezed me to her and didn''t let go for a long time.


    Eventually she shook herself and said, sadly, "Work."


    I pulled her back around and kissed her thoroughly before letting her get up. At first she stiffened in surprise, but after a moment she responded in kind. Just before it turned into something that would make us both late for the things we had to do, we pulled apart by mutual agreement, only to hear, "silly mama," from the direction of Isnomi''s toddler bed.


    I sat up and looked to where she sat tailor fashion on her bed. "And how long have you been awake, little Menace?" She just shrugged and grinned. I shook my head and shoved myself upright, pulled the armoire open, and tossed her one of her little uniforms. "Time to get started dressing, Menace." I then modeled good behavior like Good Moms do and got myself dressed. Including panties, since she was obviously watching and thinking of not wearing them. She sighed and put them on before the rest of her uniform, which got a laugh out of me as I pulled my own slacks on.


    Marie headed to her cart as I pulled my blouse on. "Same as yesterday, pick her up after breakfast?"


    "Yes," Marie said, still with that melancholy smile.


    I walked over and pulled her down for another thorough kissing before letting her go. "When this is all done and she''s back, we''re all missing a couple days of classes and work."


    This time she said, "Yes," with a hungry twinkle in her eye.


    I got back in time to remind Isnomi how to tie her shirt without making a huge Gordian knot out of it. So far she hadn''t managed to make anything Marie couldn''t untie with her Laundry Legerdemain, but I saw no reason to give her more work than she already had. The menace managed a passable bow knot, and then I showed her how to double tie it so it didn''t slip loose. Funny, I''d never really thought about how to tie stuff like that until I had to do it behind my back, but that experience made teaching someone else that much easier, I guess.


    So breakfast was breakfast. Six Cadets and one toddler, all packing it away like we''d never seen this mystical item known as ''sustenance'' before. Today, instead of toddling around on the table, Isnomi stood at her mom''s place and demanded stuff be passed to her. Little scamp made it work, too.


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    "You guys never pass me food like that."


    "She doesn''t wipe out the whole tray," said Raven.


    "She''s cuter than you, too," added Angel.


    "Oh, so I''m cute now?" I replied between bites.


    "Nobody ever said you weren''t cute," said Bill. "Just that you''re scary."


    "How can something be scary and cute at the same time?"


    Fred answered that with, "Faeries," shuddering as he did.


    Everybody seemed to take that as gospel truth, so I filed it away and got back to the Serious Business of eating. Right as the trays were running out and not being replaced, Marie came by to pick up Isnomi. I gave them both hugs before they trundled off on a day of carting and Marie things.


    "Okay, see, that? That right there? Utterly adorable, and goddamned terrifying." Angel said as she and Bill headed out.


    Today I decided to try my luck at finding Dionysus and seeing if I could get any more info on what was going on Underhill. About halfway to the wall, right about when Lancaster caught up to my sauntering self, I did Loki''s co-location trick and sent one of me to South Street. Luckily, I''m not half bad at walking, so I only stumbled slightly until I got my feet under me. He gave me a look and asked, "first day on the new feet?"


    "Yeah, no, I think I discovered yet another ice patch. I seem to have a talent."


    He shot me a lopsided smile. "Yeah, you''re full of those." His smile dissolved into a more natural Lancaster Frown of General Disapproval.


    "Jealous?"


    He just sighed, shook his head, and trudged on toward the wall. I followed, wondering what I''d said or done to warrant the shift back to the silent treatment. Other than, y''know, being unrepentantly me.


    So, nothing new to report from the wall, although I''ve gotten good enough that Lancaster has to work to smack me with his sword. Which is a sentence that should be taken out behind the woodshed and shot on general principles. Swordplay is also burning its way into my muscle memory; enough that I could talk with people on South Street without pausing my practice dueling with Lancaster. Unfortunately, while I found out that he''s around, and going by ''Den'' or ''Denny'' depending on the gender of the person talking about him, or maybe whether they''ve been sucked into his less clothed revels, I still had no idea where to find him. The folks who know him all pointed me ''thataway'', with no two ''thataways'' being the same.


    Also, wandering around South Street in the freezing cold is weird, because the only people outside either look to be immune to cold, desperate for income, or serious adolescent-guy-hard cases. Weird thing, although not a bad one; apparently my clothes are duped along with me, because I still had my big fuzzy Lancaster hand-me-down fur coat. It did kinda make me blend in on South Street a bit, though.


    Funniest moment was when I stopped to talk with someone who fell right in the middle of that Venn diagram of people braving the stupid cold; a cute, effeminate guy wearing booty shorts and a crop top who told me his name was ''Cherry''. I asked him about Denny, and he wound up talking my ear off with some really lurid details of Big D''s latest revel, which Cherry had apparently attended professionally and vocationally. Right as he was using some hand motions to illustrate some improbable revel gymnastics, a dude in a hooded fur coat stepped out of an alley and said, "This guy bothering you, Cherry?"


    "Nah, Boss." A really short answer for somebody as apparently loquacious as Cherry.


    The new guy drifted close enough to speak quietly, and hissed, "I really hope you''re not trying to snipe my employee, whoever you are."


    It took me a second to get it, but when I did I couldn''t help but bark out a bit of laughter, which did not help matters. Before he could go off, I said, "Wouldn''t think of it. Just looking for Denny. Big guy, can''t miss him, fills up whatever room he''s in?" I looked at Cherry, "unless you don''t want to be working for this guy any more?"


    Cherry shook his head, "nah. Maurice''s cut''s fair, and he''s never hung any of us out to dry when a mar... client does something they shouldn''t."


    When I asked the question of Cherry, Maurice''s face went from suspicious to angry, so I pulled one hand out of my coat pocket, held it out to him, and said, "Tabitha Diaz, Freshman Cadet, High Priestess of Loki. Good to meet you."


    He looked at my hand like a poisonous snake, but after a long moment reached out and shook, "Maurice Breedlove. Agent and manager for Cherry and a number of other intimate entertainers." He paused while we shook, and I saw his eyes flicker to my wrist, where the cuff of my uniform jacket stuck out slightly. "I gotta say, I didn''t expect a friendly greeting from somebody in your line of work. Or is that the Priestess talking?"


    I shrugged, and as soon as he let go of my hand returned it to my pocket, because even if I can''t get frostbite the cold was massively un-fun. "More that if you''re providing a real service for a cut of the cash, I got no problem with it."


    He raised an eyebrow. "And if I weren''t?"


    "Then we''d have an entirely different kind of ''discussion''." I didn''t bother to gesture or posture, I just let the statement stand.


    He just stared at me for a bit, then asked, "and if somebody in my line of work came to you about a client refusing to pay?"


    I shrugged. "Work is work. You do work, you get paid. Somebody doesn''t pay, that''s stealing. Which, last time I checked, is illegal."


    That got a genuine smile out of him. "What I''m doing isn''t?"


    I shrugged again; the coat gave me the shoulders to do some really impressive shrugging. "I''m sure taking a cut of someone else''s work without providing any kind of service is some kind of illegal, but that''s not what you''re doing, is it Cherry?"


    "Nope. Maurice even makes sure we have a place to stay and food and everything, even if we''re sick or injured. He''s even set up some really lucrative gigs now and again. He''s a good," here he couldn''t help but snicker a little, "agent and manager."


    "See?" I looked back to Maurice, "everybody''s got a job, everybody''s happy with the job, nobody''s stealing nothing, I don''t see a reason to get all bent out of shape about it." I remembered something from Camden back in the day and asked, "unless you''ve got the folks you represent addicted to something?" The look on Maurice''s face showed me without words what he thought of that. "Sorry, didn''t mean to imply anything. Just... I''ve known some of your peers who do that kind of shit."


    He turned his head and spat on the ground. It says something about the temperature that it froze solid and kinda skittered off rather than splattering on the ground. "Those lowlifes aren''t my peers. They''re an embarrassment to the entire profession," here he nodded to Cherry, "his and mine."


    I smiled at them both, "see? We''re all on the same page then." I paused, "let me know if any of that sort show up and start making problems?" He shrugged. I got it, nobody wants to be known as a snitch. But I''d put the offer out there, so if somebody went so off the rails that the community needed them gone, I might hear about it. I had a sudden inspiration at that point. "If you can''t get in touch with me, tell Denny about it. I''m pretty sure he''s got the same view on it we do. Anyway, thanks for the directions and story, Cherry. See you around."


    They both nodded, and I continued down the street. When I looked back, Maurice had disappeared, but Cherry stood on the corner, not a care in the world. Kinda envied him the ability to just say ''fuck you'' to the cold like that.


    After a full day of looking for Denny and fighting against Lancaster, both of me was kinda beat. I walked back alongside Lancaster, and just before South Street me stepped back into myself, a shadow covered me, and a jovial voice from behind me said, "I heard you were looking for me?"


    I know he''s on my side, as much as any God short of Loki would be, but a dude that big just appearing behind me? ''Startling'' doesn''t begin to cover it.


    Which totally explains why I jumped away, landed on a patch of ice, and landed on my ass again.


    Of course it does.


    Oh, fuck you, Boss.

 Day One Hundred and Fifty Three

    Dear Diary,


    You ever do something without thinking about it, like something that ought to be important and not possible to do without thinking about it, and you only realize you''re doing it when people point out that it''s been pissing them off, scaring them, or both?


    So right around sunset, with the sun halfway behind the horizon to the west, Dionysus snuck up behind me and startled me enough to land me ass-first on the pavement. I blame the ice. Nobody''s gonna give a shit if I go ham on a bit of ice on the ground. Not that I really had to; he put his weight on it when he stepped over to help me up, and it shattered to fragments.


    Like I said, big motherfucker, and definitely most of it was muscle, not fat. Of course, apparently that outer layer of fat gave him quite a bit of insulation, because he stood there wearing something somewhere between a toga and a kilt, and he didn''t look cold. "Hey, D. How''s it hangin''?"


    He laughed as he pulled me up into a hug, "To the right, at least for today! I hear you''ve been looking for me?"


    I nodded, idly making sure the me walking next to Lancaster was still walking and not landing on the pavement. "Yeah, I wanted to ask you if you''ve found anything out about the, y''know," I waved my hand around in the air, "on the other side?"


    He shuddered a little, then stepped to the nearest shop door, lifting me to my feet and pulling me through the doorway all with one big motion. Inside there were a couple tables and a counter separating the front of the shop from the back. There were a couple stools right on this side of the counter as well. He stepped to the counter, said, "ouzo, and two glasses", and guided me to one of the tables. When we''d both made ourselves comfortable, which for me meant shrugging off the jacket, he poured us each a shot. He picked his up, said "salud!" and held his toward me, so I picked mine up, repeated his toast, and clinked the glasses together before I took a shot. He poured us both another, but I recalled my last time drinking with him. I wasn''t afraid of alcohol poisoning, but I was kind of concerned about doing something dumb. Or someone dumber.


    So I just kind of nursed my shots; by the third one, the guy behind the counter brought out some taller tumblers and a pitcher of water. Dionysus had at least six in him by then, and for the next one he mixed a shot of ouzo with some of the ice water. I followed suit, and realized that along with the anise flavor, which wasn''t a big selling point for me, the ouzo also had some cinnamon, maybe some cardamom or lemon? Not a gourmet, so I couldn''t tell you for sure, but drinking it mixed with water definitely brought the flavors out better than shooting it straight.


    He nodded after my first sip of the watered ouzo. "How''s the family?"


    I smiled. Thinking about them brought that out. "Isnomi''s growing like a weed, Marie''s spending a lot of time with her while I''m walking the walls, and Saffron is," here I sighed and took another drink of ouzo. "Saffron is with the Grand Army."


    Dionysus winced, then nodded sympathetically. "I feel your pain there. Too many times my followers, especially my favorites, get roped into fighting some war or another. My brother is never sated by the constant bickering between Cities, nor even with games held in his honor. He wants blood, and buckets of it, all at once."


    "Speaking of, I heard that he''s the instigator of this latest thing from New Amsterdam?"


    He nodded heavily, "it''s true. My Priest tried to be the voice of reason, and wound up jailed, awaiting execution should the war not favor New Amsterdam."


    "The fuck? I knew he was an asshole, but executing one of yours because he or his chosen general fuck up? That''s just wrong." I took another gulp of liquor, hoping that the flavor would wash the dirty taste of talking about Ares out of my brain. It gave me something else to think about for the few seconds the flavors overloaded my brain, at least.


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    He just heaved a sigh, taking another big drink himself afterward. "You speak truth, but few in New Amsterdam seek my patronage. Not none, mind you, but those who do aren''t generally flush with political power."


    I tried to think of a polite way to phrase it, but eventually just blurted out, "so you want Phileo and Camden to lose?"


    He pulled back, more than a little offended, "no, I want you to beat them so bloody they learn what it means to take one of mine hostage."


    "And if he dies?" I asked quietly.


    "Then I carry him personally to Hades, and ensure his treatment in the afterlife is fair."


    I scratched my head; the hat was warm, but just a little itchy. I pulled it off and stuffed it in the pocket of my coat. "I recall reading that of all of his Pantheon, Hades is the least fucked up."


    Dionysus frowned, more pensive than upset, though. "I suppose you''re right. But I would still play the psychopomp role for one of mine who martyred themselves pursuing my ends, preaching my words."


    "I guess that means you haven''t got any info about what the ''Damn Army is up to then?"


    "Not a great deal, no. I know that more in Newark are turning to me for courage than normal, and there are some of that ilk moving along the coast as well. But beyond that? The great black blanket makes anything involving the Other Side hard to do." He shrugged again, then shuddered.


    "What''s wrong?"


    "I''ve tried stepping across a few times. It''s..." He held up one hand for patience. "It''s warm, and fuzzy, and terrifying."


    I blinked owlishly at that, sipping more ouzo, meanwhile trying to stay on the sidewalk with my other body. "Why terrifying?''


    "I get the impression that it could, if it wished, snuff me out like a candle. Less than a candle even, but more just a wisp of smoke. I half expect that''s why Ares got a bug up his ass about it."


    "Because it wants to kill Gods?" I really needed to stay sober to try and keep from saying the wrong thing, so I took another drink of the slightly cloudy water in front of me.


    He shook his head again. "No. Not ''wants to''. Can. Can do so without even thinking about it. Worst of all? It doesn''t want to. It doesn''t even not want to. Crushing the life out of one of us would be incidental, because it thinks less of us than we would think of the ants in a field of grass. Should we step on one, crushing it to death? We would neither notice, nor care."


    Things finally clicked into place, sort of. "So he''s pissed that something terrified him without half trying?"


    Dionysus brought one broad finger up to the tip of his nose. "There you have it. Ignore his bleating about injury to his sister. His true motivation is fear, expressed the only way he knows how; by anger."


    I shook my head, "Fuckin'' toxic masculinity. Even here."


    He snorted, "I am a man, and I am not toxic." He paused, then grinned. "Except in large doses!"


    I chuckled at that despite myself. For whatever reason, his humor was hitting home. I tipped up the bottle to refill my glass, then hunted through two more open ones before finding one to half fill it. I poured the rest full of water from one of the pitchers. I snort-chuckled, "Explains why Marie can hold her liquor so well. And, y''know, other stuff she''s good at holding." I leered at him, and he near busted a gut laughing.


    "Aye! Let us talk of more pleasant things! Tell me, has Marie told you about her childhood, before she became one of my Maenads?"


    I shook my head, then blinked as the room kept shaking after. "Nope."


    "Then let me tell you that tale!"


    What followed was a disjointed mishmash of his fondest Marie memories that lasted halfway through the night. By the time I stepped back to my room, Marie herself was curled around Isnomi on the floor. I divested myself of my coat, hat, and uniform, yanked a blanket down to cover all of us, and dropped off to sleep.


    I woke when Marie shook me; she and the Menace were both ready to go for the day. I pushed myself upright to give them their daily hugs and kisses, then stumbled back to bed. I even tried duplicating myself, since other me hadn''t been drunk until she stepped back to me on entering my room, but no dice. Just had one of me up on top of the roof freezing her ass off before she stepped back. So I put on my Big Girl Panties, along with my thickest uniform and my coat, and wandered off to a day of fencing practice. And headaches. Lots and lots of headaches.


    Y''know, nobody tells kids that Adult Pastimes have Adult Consequences. Maybe we should. I sure as hell am gonna tell the Menace before she gets old enough to start drinking.


    I mean, if I remember. This is me we''re talking about here.

 Day One Hundred and Fifty Four

    Dear Diary,


    On the one hand, the waiting is killing me. On the other hand, the longer this goes on, the better the odds that both sides will come to their senses.


    Right?


    Dammit, I can''t even fool myself with that particular bullshit.


    So, Weird dream continues to be weird. The itching has stopped moving, as has that one rogue tadpole.


    I woke to the sounds of Isnomi growling at something. When I pried my eyes open and looked around the room, she hung from the front of the armoire, yanking at the ropes. I''d tied the armoire shut the previous night, just to make it seem a little more like my Ms. Everything-Just-So was still home. I heaved myself out of bed, walked over to her, and lifted her away from the armoire with one hand around her waist. She growled at me until I said, "Do you want me to show you how to undo that, or not?"


    "Anhama sef do id!"


    "Yeah, you weren''t making much progress, were you?"


    She folded her arms and stuck out her lip in a pout.


    "I need to get my clothes out of there too, and if you keep doing what you were doing, you''ll make it impossible to untie."


    She just harumphed. I lifted her up onto my shoulders, then went down to one knee so she could see what I was doing without bending over uncomfortably.


    "You watching, Menace?"


    "Yef."


    Working slowly and carefully, both to let her see and to avoid tangling things, I worked the square knot out of the rope. "Did you see that?"


    "Yef!"


    "Okay, from now on, since you''ve been dressing yourself, I''ll tie it in a bow knot, because that''s easier to undo, but I expect you to work on tying it back up, okay?"


    "Yef!"


    I tied the ropes back together in a bow knot, got a flash of inspiration, and said, "can you say anything but ''yes''?"


    "Yef?"


    I giggled, pulled one of the strings of the bow knot to show her how to undo it, and then laughed along with her. I even flopped her down on the padded floor and blew raspberries on her tummy until she started hiccupping. I opened the door for her, and she pulled out her own little uniform before I got to business getting my own on. Behind us I heard Marie doing the same with her maid''s uniform. Once we''d all gotten dressed, I gave them each a hug and kiss before they left for the day. I smiled a little at myself as I collected my big fuzzy coat and hat. I''d never really been all touchy-feely and affectionate back in Camden, but something here just drew it out of me. Well, someones, really. I tried not to think about how any one of those hugs and kisses could be the last one ever.


    With that little bit of melancholy accompanying me, I made my way to the Dining Hall. The rest of the ROTC crew seemed disappointed that Isnomi hadn''t come along today, but to be honest she''d been so eager to hop on Marie''s cart and get moving I couldn''t resist letting her head out. Also, I hadn''t thought about it. Sue me. I tore into the food like I''d never had this ''sustenance'' thing before, because not only did I need the calories to keep warm, I needed them to keep up with Lancaster''s training. I gotta say, the little shit might be six kinds of bigoted asshole, but he not only knows how to wield a sword, he''s not half bad at teaching me how, either. Brutal, but not bad.


    So as soon as breakfast ended, I headed toward the wall. I hadn''t seen Lancaster at breakfast, but I hadn''t really looked, either, at least until the end of the meal. I didn''t see him, so I kind of assumed he''d left early. I jogged through the city, eyes open for patches of ice. Honestly, if there were any, they''d been covered by another layer of snow last night. Hopefully covered deep enough that I''d just crunch on snow instead of falling on my ass.


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    Again.


    I detoured to go past Drivers'' before the wall, figuring Lancaster might have stopped by there. No such luck, although when I asked if he''d been through, they said no, so I picked up two breakfast sandwiches and stuffed them into the inside pocket of my coat. I figured if there was any chance of burying the hatchet with him, I''d have to take the initiative. I mean, he''d been training me when he didn''t really have to, so I guess there might be some chance he can learn better than being a complete bigoted jackass.


    I got to the wall only to find the bigoted jackass nowhere in sight. With the light coat of snow over everything, I could see all the way to the far end of our section. No Lancaster, no suspicious snow covered lumps, nothing. I got a little worried, so I co-located back to the Academy, right in front of the Headmaster''s office. I''d have tried for the Men''s House Father, but I didn''t want to find out just now that co-location interacted violently with Filtration Wards, if it did. So I knocked on Headmaster Miles'' door.


    "Come."


    I opened his door to find him going through some monumental stacks of paperwork. "Good Morning, Headmaster. I got to the wall and Cadet Lancaster isn''t there. I haven''t seen him all morning."


    The Headmaster frowned, then shuffled some papers around until he found the one he was looking for. His frown twisted a little, and he sighed. "I''m afraid you''ll be covering that section by yourself today, Cadet Diaz."


    "Everything okay?"


    "Lancaster is in the Infirmary."


    "Oh, shit! Everything okay?"


    The Headmaster shook his head, but chuckled as he did. "If everything was okay, he''d hardly be in the Infirmary, would he? Still, it appears to be nothing but some kind of winter illness. Serious enough that Doctor DeLeon has him under observation and is keeping him inside, but he assures me that Cadet Lancaster should make a complete recovery in short order. He should be back with you by Wotansday."


    I let out a breath I hadn''t realized I''d been holding. "That''s good to hear."


    He raised an eyebrow, "it would be better to hear that at least one of you was on the wall watching for any marauding New Amsterdam units threatening Camden Yards."


    I smiled, "would I leave the wall unguarded just to check up on Lancaster, sir?"


    He rolled his eyes. "I don''t even want to know, do I?"


    I laughed, and remembered something before I stepped away. "Can you see he gets this, sir?" I held out the still slightly steaming package from Drivers''.


    "I''ll have it delivered to him."


    "Thanks, Headmaster. Gotta get back to the wall!" I stepped through his doorway, translocating back to myself on the wall as I did.


    I spent the day using Air Shields to clear the snow off the top of the wall. With a deep, flat, unbroken expanse of snow between the wall and the tree line in the distance, I figured I''d notice any unfriendly armies headed our way. I mean, yeah, sappers might be able to tunnel under it, but the snow and cold had to work against them there, right? Not to mention the local water table, which was maybe eighteen inches below the topsoil.


    Around noon, I poked Saffron. Hey, Kitten? You okay?


    Her reply came back immediately. Other than being dog tired and bored out of my skull, yes.


    That reminds me of that old saying again.


    Which one?


    War is ninety nine percent soul crushing boredom, punctuated by one percent unholy screaming terror. That got a mental chuckle out of her, followed by a curious hum. Okay, Kitten. Spill it.


    Spill what?


    Whatever you just thought about.


    To the best of my knowledge, there is no Deity of War amongst the Mor.


    That... that is kinda weird. You sure that''s not my Domain? I''m taking to the whole fighting thing pretty well, y''know.


    Another mental smile, followed by, oh, no, my beloved Goof. Your domain is not War. War would never be as beautiful as you.


    If my cheeks hadn''t already been a little flushed from the cold, that would have lit them up for sure. I love you too, Kitten.


    Love you as well, Goof. Gotta get back to work.


    With that she was gone again. I kept up my snowblower act, then just walked laps along the top of the wall, stopping whenever the whim took me, staring out into the woods, trying to see anything out of the ordinary.


    Who was I kidding? I''m no woodswoman. I can tell a tree from grass, and that''s about it. Still, I can mostly tell a tree from a person, and I didn''t see any people.


    When the shadows started to lengthen, I remembered something. Hey, Boss?


    Yes, Tabitha?


    Is there an easy way to switch outfits when I co-locate?


    You mean easier than the way I''ve redressed you in the past?


    I facepalmed, then instantly regretted it as the snow stuck to my sleeve went in my mouth. Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    See you tomorrow morning.


    Sleep well, Tabitha.


    With that I decided I was way too tired to trudge all the way back to the Academy, so I translocated back to my room, hung up my coat, and trudged down for a quick dinner before bed. Marie delivered Isnomi to me at the Dining Hall, gave me a quick peck and said, "Work," then wandered off to do nighttime Marie things. Isnomi and I assaulted dinner, then returned to our cell, stripped down, and snuggled under the blankets for warmth.


    Y''know, if somebody described my current life to me six months ago, and told me I''d kill or die to keep it? I wouldn''t have believed any of it. Maybe I''ve grown and matured as a person?


    Nah.

 Day One Hundred and Fifty Five

    Dear Diary,


    You ever hear that bit about ''squeezing a penny so hard Lincoln cries''? Yeah, I''m getting the impression General Lancaster is like that, only with, y''know, everything. Especially troops, which is why I''m really glad he''s in charge of the Army.


    Woke up this morning to find Marie curled around me, and me around Isnomi. Just lay there for a while thinking about last night''s dream. Nothing new about it, just kinda weird that the one time I''ve slept recently where I didn''t dream all night? I didn''t wake up rested at all. That seems kinda backwards, but what the hell do I know?


    So I just lay there, musing, until Marie stirred. Way better than an alarm clock in so many ways. I waited until she started shifting to get out of bed to say, "Marie?"


    "Yes?"


    "Thanks. For being here."


    She didn''t reply to that, except to snuggle up and purr for a bit. We lay there like that until Isnomi stirred, doing a whole ''stretch and yawn'' thing, almost like a cat. Pointy little canines like a cat, too, although her incisors had mostly come in as well. Well, enough to see them through the gums, but not quite enough for her to enunciate everything properly. Before she even opened her eyes she rolled over and rooted around, so I Mimicked Saffron and pulled her to me. She settled in for breakfast, and after one final hug Marie got up and got ready for her day. When she finished dressing, I handed over a less-than-pleased Isnomi for Marie to dress and got dressed myself.


    "Pick her up after breakfast?"


    "Yes."


    I finished dressing, with only minor adjustments by Marie before she handed over Isnomi and headed out with her cart. "Let''s go get some solid breakfast in you why don''t we?" She looked upset, which is entirely out of the ordinary for Isnomi confronted with the possibility of food, so I asked, "what''s up, Menace?"


    "Ah mi Ma."


    I sighed and snuggled her as I walked. "I do too, Menace. I do too."


    We got to breakfast, and she claimed Saffron''s seat again. I watched surreptitiously while devastating my own trays of food, just to make sure she hadn''t hit hunger-strike levels of depression at missing Saffron. Thankfully she hadn''t. I thought about asking Saffron if she could manage a short visit sometime soon. I immediately felt guilty, since the rest of the Grand Army couldn''t do anything of the sort, and I''m sure a lot of them had kids who missed them too. Made me realize how important those phone and video calls home for troops overseas were.


    Of course, feeling guilty about it wasn''t going to stop me from suggesting it. I''d done worse protecting the Menace, and I wasn''t about to back down from that any time soon.


    At the end of breakfast, with Isnomi looking a lot less depressed with a belly full of food, Marie showed up and collected her for a day of carting. I followed them out into the hall, gave them goodbye hugs and kisses, and stepped over to knock on the Headmaster''s door.


    "Come."


    I opened the door and leaned my head in, "Good Morning, Headmaster. Just wanted to check if Lancaster''s feeling well enough to join me today?"


    He nodded, shuffled through some papers, and said, "I''m afraid not, Cadet Diaz. Are you good to cover that entire section of wall by yourself?"


    I shrugged, "did it yesterday without any problems. Little bit boring, but nothing I can''t handle."


    He smirked at me and said, "You being bored enough to make your own excitement is precisely what worries me."


    I laughed at that. "No, seriously, sir. Worst case I''ll chat with my Patron."


    He nodded, then paused. "Isn''t today your devotional day?"


    "Yeppers. I can cover both."


    He frowned a little, "are you sure? Don''t feel like you have to take on more than you''re capable of just because your wife left with the Army and you didn''t."


    I shook my head. "I''ve got this, sir."


    He just nodded, decisively. "Be about it, then."


    "Thanks, sir."


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    I closed his door and stepped to Drivers''. When I got to the window, I asked them for something for lunch, and they handed me a wrapped up bundle. I tucked it into an inside pocket of my furry coat and stepped to the wall. I''d gotten a few odd looks when I showed up out of nowhere, and I''m sure just as many when I disappeared, but if the enemy had infiltrated Drivers'' clientele? We were fucked anyway, and our only hope was intimidating them into giving up.


    Once on the wall I thought, Boss, you there?


    I am.


    Any chance you could join me on the wall today?


    I got the impression of a mental shrug followed by, I can. Do you have a particular reason?


    The thoughts I''d been pondering before I asked coalesced into a coherent idea at that moment. Yeah, Boss. Lancaster''s swordplay lessons have showed me that running on brute force will only work so long.


    You wish me to teach you swordplay?


    I shook my head, not exactly. I want you to teach me how to use Translocation and Co-Location in a fight. Wait, no, not just ''in a fight'', but ''as weapons''. Does that make sense?


    Something thwapped the top of my head. "It absolutely does." I turned to see Lyman standing there, grinning like the cat that caught the canary. "Would you believe that you''re the first follower I''ve had who asked me to train them to do things like this?" Another thwap to the back of the head, and I spun to see Lyman standing there, too. I sidestepped and felt as something swished through where I''d just been standing. "Oh, excellent. You''ve got a knack for this. Are you sure you want to practice with the coat on?"


    "Which would you recommend?"


    He pondered for a second. "There''s something to be said for training in worse conditions than you intend to fight in, but the coat will inhibit your movements, keep you from learning some moves I consider key to using Translocation and Co-Location optimally while fighting."


    I nodded, then stepped myself to each end of my section of the wall, then stepped back to him, losing the heavy coat as I did. "Okay, I''ve got those two of me keeping watch, is that okay?"


    He nodded, looking impressed despite himself. "You can control three of you at once?"


    I shook my head, "not really? They can do stuff I don''t have to think to do. I don''t have to think about it to keep my eyes on the tree line and keep looking back and forth."


    "So be it. Do you have full range of motion in that jacket?"


    I hadn''t thought about it before, but remembering Marshall duBois'' flexibility training, I realized I''d done all of it wearing my uniform jacket. I swung myself through a couple of the flexier moves he''d taught me. "Yeah, as far as I can tell. Gussets for the win."


    "Excellent. Let''s begin."


    I spent the rest of the morning with him showing me how to use my little teleport trick a dozen different ways in a fight. Some of them I''d thought of already, like jumping behind someone, and some were natural extensions of that, like Translocating directly above an opponent and coming down on them feet or knees first. By lunchtime I''d absolutely decided I''d been right to ask, and that fighting someone like Marshall duBois would be an absolute nightmare. Fighting Loki didn''t bear thinking on. I signaled for a break, and hopped to either of my selves that had kept watch, collecting my sandwich from each of them, then stepped back to hand him one.


    "How does this work, anyhow?"


    He nodded and took a bite out of his lunch, his eyes going wide. Copying something that exists with Blend is child''s play, really. Creating something that''s a copy of something is equally simple, but it requires a fair Mana expenditure.


    I totally understood not wanting to stop eating the Drivers'' food while chatting. Cool; if there''s one thing I''ve got it''s plenty of Mana. Not a lot of smart or strong, but plenty of Mana.


    He''d frowned a little at my statement, and thought back, Don''t sell yourself short, Tabitha. You are neither weak nor stupid, and your potential is greater than you know. I would hardly have gambled all that I am on you if I thought otherwise.


    I grinned at him as I took another big bite of, I think, meatloaf. So, regretting your bet yet?


    He returned the grin with interest. Not in the slightest, Tabitha Diaz. Not in the slightest.


    We sat and ate in companionable silence after that. Saffron tagged me mid-meal. Hey Goof. How''s life on the wall?


    I carefully avoided shrugging. Same old, same old. Got Lyman teaching me some interesting shit about fucking people up with Translocation and Co-Location.


    Do tell?


    Some of them are a little hard to explain. Hell, most of them are. But, like, being able to step behind someone while they can still see you clearly in front of them is about the simplest one. Another is just Translocating elsewhere when somebody has you dead to rights.


    Her mind-voice went all speculative. I can see that. Did Loki teach you that thing you did when you stepped across to Metaphoric Space?


    Who to the what now?


    Our son''s term for the place where places like Underhill, Asgard, Elysium, Hades, Hel, Olympus, and Valhalla exist.


    Huh. So they''re all kinda in the same place? Handy.


    Indeed. Did Loki teach you how to step to there?


    No. Just, I dunno, did it.


    She laughed a little. Marshall duBois claims that''s impossible. So once more you have done the impossible because you didn''t know it was impossible. So you, Goof.


    Yeah, well. Can''t wait to teach you some of these moves, what with you being in the very exclusive Translocators club, Kitten.


    Can''t wait to see you again.


    Can you come visit tonight? Isnomi... we miss you.


    She sighed. I''m sorry, love. General Lancaster is setting something up. The Grand Army is setting up a battle line, building portable siege engines, and needs every hand here from here on out, I think.


    I returned her sigh with interest. At least that means this will all be over soon, right?


    I hope so.


    Me too.


    With that she was gone, and I''d finished eating, so Lyman and I got back to the serious business of training me how to use something that most of the world thought impossible, or at least wildly unlikely.


    Because I had a sinking suspicion that when I needed it, I would need it bad.

 Day One Hundred And Fifty Six

    Dear Diary,


    I keep saying I don''t want to be the Bad Guy, but what does it mean when the worst, most entrenched Bad Guy I know of is nicer than me?


    Okay, so I spent yesterday working on how to incorporate Translocation and Co-Location into my fighting style. Say what you will about spending the day training, and training hard, but when we were done I stepped back to my room, tossed my uniform into the ''to be washed'' pile, fell into bed and fell straight to sleep. Like, without dinner, which I didn''t realize until the following morning at breakfast.


    Same dream as always, although both the weird tadpole and the itching have stopped moving. Mostly I just spent the night looking for my mom in the sky. Which makes no goddamned sense, but there you go.


    Woke up to me in my bed, Marie just stretching in hers, and Isnomi snoring in her toddler bed. I copied Marie and had a good stretch before getting out of bed. It was a little chilly; what with the room being right in the middle of all the others, I''m guessing it wasn''t ''my pitcher of water will freeze overnight'' cold, just ''rock hard nips'' cold. Given that I''d be going out and standing at the top of a wall with almost no shelter from the wind, and had been doing that for the past few days? I judged it to be warm enough to say screw it and get moving.


    Marie and I both got dressed in companionable silence. Once both of us were fully dressed, I turned to Marie and asked, "does Isnomi stay awake all day when she''s with you?"


    She shook her head and said, "No."


    I nodded. "Thanks. I just remembered something about little kids needing way more than eight hours. I''m guessing she just naps on top of the cart?"


    She shrugged and said, "Nurse."


    I thought about that for a second. "Is that going to hurt her getting weaned onto solid foods?"


    She shook her head again, "No."


    At that point it was my turn to shrug and say, "I''m guessing you''ve got way more experience raising kids than Saffron or I."


    She smiled and said, "Yes."


    "I''d say something like ''so long as she''s healthy and has the right number of limbs and digits I''ll be happy'', but I''m half betting her number of limbs and digits is way more negotiable than normal."


    Marie''s smile twisted into a wry expression as she said, "Yes."


    With that I lifted Isnomi out of her bed; by the time I had her up Marie had her little slacks ready to slip her legs into. I mean, if she''d been cooperating it would have been slipping her legs into them, but it turned out more like wrestling her into them as she tried to stay curled into a little warm ball. After a few minutes of mild wrestling we managed to get her fully dressed, at which point Marie gathered a few spare blankets and made a little nest atop her cart, which the menace burrowed into until her nose and mouth were the only bits I could see. I gave her a quick kiss on the nose. "Be good for Marie today, Menace."


    Then I turned to Marie, hopped up to put my arms around her neck and gave her a much less quick kiss. "Thanks, Marie."


    She hugged me, then I dropped off and she left to go about her busy day of Marie things. I stepped out of the room and realized that while our room was maybe ten degrees cooler than the hallway, but since the hallway hovered somewhere around a crisp spring day, the room itself wasn''t all that cold. It just felt that way coming out of a warm blanket nest.


    I still wanted to fix it, though.


    I went down to breakfast. When I got there, Bill asked, "where''s Isnomi?"


    "She wouldn''t wake up this morning. Nothing bad, just toddler sleepies."


    Bill nodded. "Sounds like she''s going through a growth spurt." Angel nodded her agreement.


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    I sat there, mouth open, sausage halfway to it. "Really?"


    "Don''t you have any younger siblings?"


    I shook my head. "Nope. I''m the youngest."


    That got a round of laughter from the others. Not mocking or anything, just them reacting to my reaction. I guess I was happy about Isnomi being healthy and growing, but it seemed so sudden, like she''d been a rugby ball of appetite and poop just yesterday, and by tomorrow she''d be moving out to go to school on her own or some shit. Not literally, I hoped, but you get the point.


    When the Maids threatened to throw us out of the Hall, we all got up to go. Testing something, I Translocated into the Boy''s Infirmary. Lancaster lay there, kinda pale and soaked with sweat.


    "How you feeling, Larry?"


    His eyes popped open. "Diaz?"


    "The one and only."


    He shook his head. "Damn. I thought I was getting better, but now I''m hallucinating. Or dreaming. I really hope this isn''t another sex dream."


    I let that go.


    Hell no I didn''t. "Ooh, do you get those special dreams now, Larry? Do they make you tingle? Do you wake up with messy sheets?"


    Hilariously, the sheet covering him tented a little at that as he said, "oh, fuck, not this one again."


    I couldn''t help it, I lost it laughing. After a bit I managed to force out, "are you feeling well enough to join me on the wall today?"


    He pushed himself up onto his elbows, and if he got a little green around the gills when he did, I didn''t comment on it when he said, "absolutely."


    I hadn''t heard him come in, but Doc DeLeon countered with, "no, you are not, Cadet Lancaster. Your fever just broke today. If you don''t show any signs of relapse, then maybe you''ll be fit for duty tomorrow, but more likely I''d say two more days of bedrest, just to be sure you don''t wind up collapsing mid-watch."


    Larry flopped back onto his pillow, and looked better immediately. "Thanks for the info, Doctor."


    "Don''t mention it, Cadet. Also, how did you get in here?"


    I grinned at him and said, "kind of like this," then stepped to Drivers''. I picked up breakfast, lunch, and dinner, then thought, hey Boss?


    Yes, Tabitha?


    Would Sigyn mind awfully if you joined me on the wall for the next two days? My normal watch and sparring partner is on sick leave until Thursday.


    After a short pause, he said, "I assume you''d like me to continue your Combat Translocation practice?"


    I handed him one of Drivers'' breakfast packets, and said, "Thanks, Boss. You''re the best."


    He hadn''t even paused before taking a bite, so he responded with, I know.


    We strolled from Driver''s to the wall, taking our time and enjoying breakfast. Well, second breakfast for me, but so long as I don''t start looking like a hobbit, I''m not going to worry about overeating. When we got to the wall, I did the same double Co-Location thing I''d done the day before, and we got back to practicing. As we started sparring, I got curious about something, "are you sure we should be doing this on a full stomach?"


    He smiled. "Deities don''t upchuck, and for you it just counts as good training."


    I smiled back. "Good to know." I''d love to say I Translocated behind him and bopped him on the head, but he beat me to it.


    When we stopped for lunch, I pinged Saffron. Hey, Kitten. How goes it?


    Hey, Goof. Things are a little tense. Marshall duBois and General Lancaster are bickering.


    That didn''t bode well. About what?


    They''re planning to set up a parley.


    Really? Part of me got a little annoyed that whoever on the other side started all this shit would likely walk away scot free, but the part of me that wanted Saffron to be safe told the belligerent part to take several seats. Which of them is against the parley?


    Neither. They''re discussing which of them will go out and set it up.


    Damn. Tough choice.


    The surprise clear in her voice, she thought, how so?


    If the ''Damn Army gets a sudden rush of stupid and kills the messenger, losing the Marshall would disrupt the Army less, but it would also mean Lancaster would become the next Marshall. I do not want him having six votes in a council session. Then again, the Marshall''s more likely to escape that kind of betrayal.


    Somehow she sent a smile through our mental link, look at you, all strategic. I''m so proud.


    I couldn''t help but smile at that. Yeah, it was a little condescending on her part, but part of me knew she was mostly joking, and the rest was reveling in the fact that she was proud of me. See if you can''t weigh in on the side of the Marshall going. I don''t like it, but he''s the better choice.


    Oh, I already have. Well, I''m doing so now.


    You can carry on two different conversations at once?


    She replied with two thoughts so close together that they overlapped. Can''t you? and Everyone else is so slow, two conversations at once isn''t all that hard.


    I just smiled with pride at that. Okay, stay safe, Kitten. I love you.


    You too, Goof. I love you.


    With that she was gone, and it was time to get back to sparring.


    By the end of the day I was absolutely worn out, but I''d started doing some of the more basic Combat Translocation things without thinking about it. I really hoped that the next time I''d use them was in Combat Training with duBois, but mostly I realized that things never go my way like that.


    Still. My first thought on how to end the war fast was ''kill them all'', and Big Poppa Lancaster''s is, apparently, ''talk the enemy into submission''. I don''t like how lime green that makes me sound, but lying to myself about it would just be a giant leap to lime green land.

 Day One Hundred And Fifty Seven

    Dear Diary,


    I don''t know exactly what''s motivating the ''Damn leadership, but my gut tells me that it''s nothing good for yours truly. Hoping I can figure it out before shit goes to hell.


    So eight to twelve hours of working my ass off practicing Combat Translocation leaves me sweaty and exhausted, but at least I''m too tired to get stupid melancholy. Slept well last night. Same dream as always, no change from last night, really.


    Woke up alone in bed sometime before Marie woke up. Stole the blankets off the bed and joined her on the floor. Part of me wishes we had a bed big enough to fit her comfortably, but another part of me enjoys joining her on the floor. Slept through the rest of the night snuggled up to her. Woke up to her stirring as the menace crawled under the covers and started rooting around for breakfast. I Mimicked Saffron and let her nurse while I stayed half-asleep. Guess it makes me feel some kinda way that it doesn''t weird me out anymore, but I suppose if you do anything often enough it loses its weirdness factor.


    I hope that''s not true for intimacy. I''d hate to think that things between Saffron and I or Marie and I would get boring. I mean, I certainly don''t think they will, but I''m an idiot. Ask anybody who knows me.


    So eventually Marie did more than stir. Before she got up, she held us both for a little bit, purring the whole time. Then she wriggled out of our little nest, somehow managing to avoid a huge gust of cold air as she did. I guess being centuries old you learn to do stuff that seems like magic to anybody who hasn''t had centuries of practice. That got me wondering whether her Stitch Witchery and Laundry Legerdemain were legit Skills, or some kind of Mana Shaping, or just the result of, y''know, doing something over and over for hundreds of years. I would have asked her, but I couldn''t bring myself to do anything what with the warmth of our little nest.


    Once Marie was dressed, she held out her hands. I detached the menace and handed her up. She, of course, made her annoyance at leaving the warm blanket nest very clear, squawking and squirming, trying to get back under the covers with me. I sighed and sat up, then grabbed the blankets and stood up, tossing them onto the bed in a heap. I got a glare from a grumbling Isnomi for that, probably because I''d put the inner blankets of the nest on top where they''d cool off quicker.


    I got myself dressed, then collected Isnomi. "Pick her up after breakfast?"


    Marie nodded and said, "Yes," then headed out the door. I snuggled Isnomi inside my fur coat, which managed to silence most of her grumbling.


    "You''re such a Big Girl, getting up when you''re supposed to and sitting in for Mom at breakfast."


    She nodded and replied, "Anhama Big Gil."


    "Sounds like your teeth are almost there, Menace. No biting friends, got it?"


    "Na ba fren." She gave me an itty bitty thumbs up, and I snuggled her as we walked down the hall. She yawned hugely as we walked into the Dining Hall, but once she had food in front of her at Saffron''s seat, she lost all hints of tiredness and started putting down food even faster than I normally did. Of course, I nommed hard myself, what with keeping myself from freezing and practicing all day.


    Speaking of, you good to join me today, Boss?


    Of course, Tabitha.


    A sudden thought struck me. Want me to pick up extra from Drivers'' for Sigyn?


    A warm chuckle answered me. Do you think I''ve been keeping your culinary offerings to myself?


    Fair point. What does she think?


    Were she not worried about breaking the Pact, she''d likely visit Drivers'' in person.


    Nice. See you at the wall in about two hours?


    Until then, my devotee.


    So I kept packing away the food until it stopped coming; Marie brought the final trays, and collected a squirming Isnomi, who grabbed two handfuls of sausage before settling in on top of Marie''s cart. By the time they hit the exit, she''d made those disappear and curled up atop the cart. Growth spurt indeed.


    "Any of you guys seen anything weird on your sections of the wall?"


    Angel replied, "not sure how weird it was, but I saw smoke, like from a campfire, somewhere in the direction of the shore."


    Bill nodded, "we reported it to Hero Velazquez. He''s currently in charge of new Volunteers, he''s working out of the Guard office here at the Academy."


    "I wonder why they''re not having us train them?" I asked.


    Bonita of all people answered me. "At a guess, I''d say that they think even us Freshmen Cadets can hold long enough for the real Heroes to get to the wall with new Volunteers in tow. Guards, especially half trained new ones? Not so much."


    Half a second thinking about that and I got a sudden rush of brains to the head. "Hey, if any of you guys actually see any ''Damn soldiers, you remember that Message spell we learned?" When they all nodded, I said, "throw one of those at max volume both directions down the wall, and pass it on when you do. If it gets to me I can get back here fast."


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    Fred said, "that kinda makes sense; you can sprint longer than any of us. I''d really hate having to defend the wall without you, though."


    "Really?"


    "Yeah. Nobody who saw you at the Court Martial would think otherwise."


    I smiled at him. "Thanks. I think I can make it back to the wall before they get to it though." I Translocated to Saffron''s normal seat, and the rest of the table just kinda gawked. I mean, I''d done it before, but never quite so blatantly.


    "How the hell do you do that?" asked Bill.


    I shrugged. "High Priestess of Loki. I learned it from him." A bit of a fib, but not entirely wrong.


    Angel shot me a crooked grin. "Loki''s looking better and better as a Patron."


    I smiled back at her, "just lemme know, I''ll hook you up."


    At that point, the table had emptied entirely of food, and the Maids were giving us impatient looks, so I Translocated to Drivers'' and picked up breakfast, lunch, and dinner, because I knew I''d be too exhausted to hit the Dining Hall again tonight. After sharing breakfast with Loki and, apparently, Sigyn, Loki and I got back to it, with one of me standing at either end of my section of the wall. I''d got to the point I could do most of the things he''d taught me, but they weren''t zero-thought second nature yet, so practice, practice, practice, all day long.


    Well, except lunch, since neither of us would skip Drivers'' lunchtime meatloaf sandwiches. Good stuff.


    About halfway through, Saffron pinged me. You''ll want to see this.


    I looked through her eyes and saw a pavilion, one of those big tents with a pole at each of the four corners, and another two along each side. The sides had been pinned to the ground, but the front and back flaps were rolled all the way up. Beyond the far flap I saw a few people approaching the tent from the other side. Saffron glanced around quickly; Marshall duBois, General Lancaster, and Hero Potami stood nearby. Four ''Damn officers, with more fancy embroidery and medals on their chests, entered the far side of the pavilion at the same time as our four. One of the four enemy officers wore a breastplate and Bronze Age helmet along with his blue and orange outfit. I couldn''t really call it a ''uniform'', since no two were quite alike.


    That struck me as kind of weird; all of their troops had identical tabards clearly identifying them as ''Damn troops, but other than their color scheme, no two ''Damn Heroes dressed quite the same. Meanwhile the only unifying feature of our troops was their hard leather armor, and even that was a little non-uniform, like they''d been made in big batches by different makers. Our Heroes, on the other hand, all wore the same Uniform; black slacks, black boots, white ruffled blouse, red jacket, and shiny metal helmet. The only differences were General Lancaster, who had his dress on under his uniform jacket but above his blouse and slacks, and the Marshall, whose jacket and blouse looked just slightly different. It reminded me a little of Hero MacCrae''s uniform, and it was still really clearly the same basic thing.


    The guy in the armor said, "You called this parley, Lancaster."


    The General replied, "I did. You moved troops past no-man''s-land first. Why?"


    Armored dude replied, "you act like you don''t know already."


    Whatever his flaws, General Lancaster had sneering down pat. "If I knew, I wouldn''t be asking. So tell me, why?"


    "You wear the dress of a High Priest of Odin, and expect us to believe he hasn''t told you?"


    Lancaster shook his head, "believe what you like, but the truth remains that he hasn''t. Perhaps he has chosen to remain neutral in this conflict. Or perhaps he thought I had no need to know."


    Armored dude spat, "ask him."


    Lancaster closed his eyes, and his lips twitched. A few moments later he opened them and said, "he tells me it is not his place to say."


    "A likely story." His body language made me think he wanted to come over the lack-of-table at Lancaster. As he took half a step forward, the guy with the biggest number of medals lay a hand on his arm.


    "Forgive my son''s impatience, Leonard. He longs to come to grips with the enemy."


    The General nodded, "not surprising, Octavio. You''ll forgive my not wanting to give him the opportunity?"


    Octavio smiled and nodded, "of course. None of us want a war, let alone this one. As we speak ships that ought be plying the waters for trade needs must take up guard and harassment duties."


    "So. Why did you send troops our way?"


    Octavio nodded again. I''d known guys like him, always agreeing with whatever anybody else said. Most of them were just yes men, but now and again there''d be a guy who did that just to get everyone to let their guard down. Since he seemed like the dude in charge, I assumed he was one of the latter group. "My priests tell me that since the Equinox, when the Champion of Loki bested and maimed Diana in her own temple, a great darkness hangs over the City of Phileo."


    Lancaster scoffed. "So you''ve hauled us all out in to freeze our asses off because some priests say Diana has been maimed and made some vague proclamations of ''darkness''?"


    Nodding as he spoke, Octavio said, "Not ''some'', Leonard. ''All''. Every High Priest in New Amsterdam, and all those we know of in Newark as well. They tell me the darkness hangs over Phileo, and its growing."


    "So we cannot settle this peacefully?"


    Octavio nodded again, "I didn''t say that. If you find the source of this darkness and rid yourself of it, we''ll gladly sign any reasonable treaty to prevent future hostilities from breaking out."


    "What if we find this darkness is related to those worshipped in Phileo?"


    The armored dude shrugged off Octavio''s hand and said, "then purge them!"


    For the first time in the conversation, duBois spoke. "You know we''re not going to do that, Oliver. So long as they break no laws, they''re protected. If we ''purge'' them, or hand them over, or exile them, who''s next? The Maenads?"


    "So you are fine with your City being in the thrall of this darkness?" said the armored dude, whose name apparently was Oliver.


    "I didn''t say that. This is the first we''ve heard of this ''great darkness'' of yours. Give us a few days to commune with our Deities, to see if we can get rid of this darkness, or at least determine what it is?" General Lancaster moved as if to say something, but the Marshall brushed his arm with a hand, and he remained silent.


    "How long are we to give you? A day? A week? A month? A year, with the darkness growing all the while?" I really did not like this Oliver dude.


    The Marshall looked at Lancaster, who held up four fingers behind his thigh. "Give us until Moonday next?"


    Octavio looked to Oliver, who gave a curt nod. "Shall we meet here next Moonday then?"


    The Marshall nodded. "Until next Moonday, then."


    With that, both sides turned and walked back to their respective lines. Through Saffron''s eyes I saw that no soldiers could be seen from outside the woods. When they got into cover, the Marshall asked, "you''re sure you can be ready to breach their walls in four days?"


    General Lancaster looked pointedly at Saffron, then behind her, where I could feel Vulcan''s case against her back. "If we''re not ready in four days, we won''t be ready ever."


    Holy shit, Kitten. He''s gambling this whole thing on you and Vulcan being able to breach New Amsterdam''s walls?


    It looks that way, Goof.


    I never thought that having a Lancaster giving us a vote of confidence would scare me so much I wanted to piss myself, but holy fucksticks, this did not make me feel copacetic about the situation.

 Day One Hundred And Fifty Eight

    Dear Diary,


    I swear to god on high if I ever figure out who the fuck decided I''m supposed to be Team Mom? I''m gonna think of something bad to do to them. Ass-kicking seems appropriate.


    Weren''t you the one who decided to marry a woman with a child?


    Yeah, what about it?


    That would make you the one who decided you were joining Team Mom, no?


    Oh, fuck me.


    No thank you, Tabitha.


    At any rate, last night instead of falling into bed I collapsed onto Marie''s floor cushion bed. I woke to the three of us spooned up together in a warm little nest. I don''t mind being big spoon to Isnomi''s little spoon, but I really did miss having Saffron there between us, or on the far side of her, or fuck, just in the room. I lay there in the warm wishing for a while before I got a sudden rush of brains to the head.


    Saffron? You awake?


    Mmgphrgl... I am now. Is everything good?


    I Co-Located to her location, and wound up naked on top of a mound of blankets with Saffron''s mouth sticking out of it. I did my insta-dressing trick to cover myself with my fur coat, but before that, because I have my priorities in order, I kissed her.


    "Well. Someone''s feeling affectionate today," she whispered when we came up for air.


    "I missed you."


    She pushed her blankets aside enough she could look at me. "No, I think you hit me pretty accurately. If you''d been two feet to the side, Mary would have gotten a rather intimate wake up call."


    I glanced to the side and saw one of Saffron''s Veterans lying beside her. That''s also when I noticed we were in a low tent, the sides bowed in a little like something had pressed in on them. Mary cracked open one eye and said, "morning already?"


    Saffron replied, "not quite yet. My wife just decided to make a surprise visit." She turned back to me and said, "I assume Isnomi is with Marie?"


    "Nah, I''m still there. I mean, yeah, Marie''s there too, but I wouldn''t leave her alone to deal with the Menace''s Morning Marauding."


    One of her eyebrows shot up. "You''ve figured out Loki''s trick where he''s in more than one place at a time?"


    "High Priestess, Boon, yada yada."


    "Oh, really? That opens up quite a few possibilities."


    I sighed histrionically. "Not as much fun as you think. Having two of me in one place is a little painful. The closer together, the worse it is. So no Saffron Sandwich. Yet."


    "Yet?"


    I nodded sagely. "Yet."


    "Now you have me curious. How exactly do you plan on working around that particular limitation?"


    I looked around like I was worried about someone about to hear a deep, dark secret. Of course Mary saw, so I winked at her before stage-whispering, "I''m going to grant it as a Boon to my wife, who will figure out how to filter out the feedback."


    That got a genuine laugh out of her, and she wriggled her arms free to embrace me. I leaned into her for some serious tonsil-hockey until we both heard a bugle sounding in the distance. She pulled away, sighing as she did so. "I''ve missed you, Goof. But that would be our signal to get up and start the day."


    I gave her one last squeeze, said, "see you later," and Translocated back to being one of me snuggled in between Marie and Isnomi. The menace chose that moment to wriggle around, sniff at me, and say, "Ma?"


    "I paid her a little visit, Menace." Her lip shot out a little, and I nipped her next idea in the bud before she said it. "No, you may not visit her while she''s in an active war zone. That is no place for little girls. Or big ones, before you remind me." She snuggled into me, and before I realized what she was doing, my chest was wet from her quiet sobbing. "I know, Menace. I do. She''s very busy, but I''ll see if she can''t visit some time between now and Monday, okay?"


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    She nodded, but didn''t stop crying until Marie put her arms around us both and purred for a while.


    Once she settled, I half turned to Marie and asked, "is it time to get going?"


    "Yes."


    "Nothing for it, then. Rip the band aid off."


    She yoinked the covers off all three of us, which brought us from vaguely coherent to fully awake stupid fast, lemme tell ya. Isnomi beat me to the armoire because where I took the time to stand up, she straight up scrambled to it on all fours, then leapt up and grabbed one of the dangling ends of the bow knot we''d tied it shut with. Her weight pulled it undone, and she kept yanking to get the door to open. I reached in and handed her one of her little uniforms, and she scrambled to get into it. I did the same. Somehow Marie beat us both to fully dressed. She scooped Isnomi up and helped her with her boots and jacket. Once we had everything where it went, it was time for hugs and kisses, and then the two of them left for a day of Marie things and carting.


    At breakfast I looked over to the Barbie Brigade table to see Lancaster sitting in his normal spot. He looked a little worse for wear, which was more than a little disturbing, what with the Brigade''s focus on appearance and all. After I''d shoveled a few trays into the pie hole, I got up and wandered over to his table.


    He noticed me coming. "Diaz."


    "Good Morning, Lancaster. You sure you''re up for today?"


    He looked offended. Because that''s kinda his default state, really. Or maybe just when I''m around. "A Lancaster would hardly let a little post-illness fatigue keep him from his duties."


    I facepalmed. "Yeah, I get that, doing your duty and all, but I don''t want you to wind up getting yourself sick again because you went out before you were ready. I''d rather you miss one day now than a week later."


    "Do you seriously think me that frail?"


    I shook my head. "No, I consider you human."


    "There''s your mistake. I am Dan, and nothing so simple as a chill will keep me from my duty."


    I threw my hands up in defeat. "Okay, okay, I get it. I get it. I do. Just, I dunno, dress extra warm today?"


    He rolled his eyes. "Yes, mother."


    Due diligence done, I returned to the ROTC table and consumed mass quantities. When he got up, I nodded to the rest of the ROTCs and got up as well; breakfast was nearly over anyhow. I followed him to the entrance to the Men''s dormitory. He looked at me as he passed through the Filtration Ward and said, "I am fully capable of dressing myself."


    "Yeah, just making sure you made it here okay."


    His only reply was a snort before he walked away. Ten minutes later, he returned wearing his big fur coat again. I walked with him toward the entrance, but when he turned to go up the steps I said, "No practice today."


    He turned to me, "you still need more."


    I nodded. "Yeah, and if you''re not sick tomorrow I''ll think about it. But today? No practice."


    "But..."


    "Don''t make me put you back in the infirmary, Lancaster."


    "Was that a threat?"


    I shook my head and insta-changed into my own fur coat and hat. "No. It was a warning. A promise, even. If I see you doing something dumb, I''m going to make damn sure you stop before it impacts me. I''m the one who had to watch our whole fuckin'' section of the wall solo for the past couple days."


    He looked like he was about to blow a gasket at that, but eventually he choked down whatever he''d been about to say and replied, "fine. As thanks for covering for me as I lay ill, no practice today."


    I nodded, "thank you."


    We walked the rest of the way to our post on the wall in silence, our only detour a stop at Drivers'' to pick up breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Lancaster gave me a look, so I said, "you need the calories to keep from freezing your skinny ass off. Not to mention to help you recover."


    He sighed and shook his head, but once we got to the wall and I handed him his breakfast, he wasn''t stupid enough to say no to Papa Driver''s cooking. Apparently he can be taught.


    We didn''t practice at all today, just walked our section of the wall side-by-side at a leisurely pace. He gave me a little shit about it, but I just refused to walk any faster, and he didn''t push it.


    We ate lunch walking, and while we did I thought to Saffron, how goes it, Kitten?


    She sounded a little distracted when she replied, it goes, Goof.


    What''s up? You sound distracted.


    I''m currently organizing three foraging groups; we''re cutting down trees to make rafts.


    Rafts?


    You remember your pontoon bridge idea?


    Yeah?


    There''s a river on the far side of the open killing field, right in front of Newark''s walls. There''s a bridge, but that would mean we all had to be on a choke point, so General Lancaster is having us put together rafts to make pontoon bridges.


    Damn. I''m really glad we didn''t wax him. Or Odin.


    I suppose I am too, but coordinating three groups isn''t terribly fun.


    Why three groups?


    Because General Lancaster assigned all of the Cadets one or two ''spare'' units as well as our own to go about foraging and building rafts.


    Fair. Be safe, logging can be dangerous.


    I will. You too, I don''t want to hear about you falling off the wall.


    Love you, Kitten.


    Love you, Goof.


    With that she was gone. I spent the rest of the day walking back and forth along the wall with Lancaster; late in the afternoon we ate the dinner we''d gotten at Drivers'', and Lancaster didn''t so much as bat an eye. Apparently he knows when he''s not going to budge me on something. Or maybe he just likes Papa Driver''s cooking. Yeah, probably the cooking.


    When he finished eating, he said, "You know, for Bag food this is pretty good."


    There it is. World no longer topsy-turvy. "Y''know, for a Dan, you''re not nearly as much of an asshole as I''d expect."


    I walked him back to the Academy as the sun set. Once I got him back inside the building, I considered my due diligence done and Translocated back to our room, fully intending to collapse.


    Saffron apparently had much more active ideas, and lying in her tent pretending to sleep wasn''t something she really needed to pay attention to. Co-Location for the win. Marie showed up with Isnomi around an hour later, the Menace completely tuckered out and snoozing on the cart. We woke her just long enough for Saffron to snuggle into bed with the three of us.


    "Can''t stay the night, I''m afraid. I do need my sleep."


    "I know. Sleep well, Kitten."


    "You too, Goof."

 Day One Hundred And Fifty Nine

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, I''ve only been here five months, but sometimes it''s hard to remember I ever lived anywhere else.


    So what with Saffron being able to Co-Locate herself, she can visit in the evenings, at least so long as there''s nothing she needs to pay close attention to after dark. Apparently Lancaster wants her and Vulcan fresh for any daytime actions, so her squad is exempt from night watch. General Lancaster''s and Marshall duBois'' units are exempt too, so it''s not causing too much of a fuss.


    No change on the dream front. Just more stargazing and trying to ignore itches. Woke up rested and ready for the day, despite a lack of Saffron in the bed. Apparently that whole ''Co-Location ends when one of you goes to sleep'' pulled her back to her tent. Really hoping she didn''t wind up naked in the snow, because I like all her bits and don''t want any frozen off.


    "You two awake?" I asked quietly.


    "Yes," Marie answered.


    "Na," denied the menace.


    "Okay then. Get ready to get dressed, because the blanket comes off on three." I took a solid grip on the blankets, then counted, "One. Two. Three!" I yanked the blankets off and tossed them toward the bed. They were way heavier than they should have been, because the little menace had got herself a good grip on the blankets before I threw them, so now she lay at the bottom of a heap of blankets on the bed. I leapt up, opened the armoire, and tossed her a uniform before putting my own on. She still hadn''t emerged by the time Marie and I were both ready, so Marie picked up her uniform, I wrestled her out of her heap of toasty blankets, and together we managed to wrangle her into her clothing. There may have been tickling involved, but at least she giggled rather than crying about it.


    "See you at breakfast?"


    "Yes."


    So after hugs and kisses, Marie trundled off about her day, and Isnomi and I got ourselves down to the Dining Hall. We got there a little early, actually, and while the menace is fine with being carried from place to place, when she''s awake she''s generally not terribly fond of being held while standing still. So I set her down and she wandered around the hallway. Kind of an interesting thing, probably a carryover from when the place had been built as a fortress, but the first floor hallways were remarkably bare. You''d expect something like a trophy case, or pictures of former Headmasters or something, but nope. Plenty of personalized decoration in private rooms, and even some portraits and banners in the Dining Hall and Library, but nothing whatsoever in the entryway or the first floor hallways. So Isnomi just ran back and forth hollering, "Wa me, Mama! Wa me!"


    I, of course, replied with, "I''m watching, Menace. You''re getting really fast!" I didn''t even have to exaggerate much about that, either. Her ''running on tiptoes'' had sort of naturally evolved into ''running on the balls of her feet'', and if you''ve ever watched pro short-distance sprinters, they tend to do that kind of thing. Part of me wondered where she''d picked it up, but mostly I just marveled at how tall she''d gotten since Saffron left. Growth spurt indeed.


    Eventually, after a couple other Cadets showed up, the Maids opened the Dining Hall, and we all got ourselves in to the tables. Lots of sausage today. I''m guessing somehow the war effort screwed up egg production, because there''d been fewer and fewer trays of eggs each morning, until this morning we only got the one. I shared, because if everybody''s gonna force me into the Team Mom role, I might as well do it right, y''know? The Menace didn''t care; she preferred the sausages, because she still had some troubles with spoons, so anything she could just pick up and shove in her maw was just plain easier for her.


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    After around an hour and a half of hardcore nomming, I saw Lancaster stand up at the Barbie Brigade table. Before he got too far I hopped up and jogged over to him. "Hey, Larry, can you hang until Marie gets here?"


    "I am fully capable of walking to the wall by myself, Diaz."


    I just nodded. "Sure you are. But I''d feel bad if you slipped, fell, and wound up lying there yelling, ''I''ve fallen and can''t get up'' all day."


    He heaved a sigh and just plopped his butt down on the nearest seat. Weird, I thought he''d put up way more of a fight. Probably still not feeling up to too much fighting after his recent bout with The Crud. I jogged back to the ROTC table and stuffed food until Marie showed up. At that point I scooped up the Menace and delivered her to Marie''s cart, which had trays of food atop it. I looked at the Menace and said, "Looks like you''ve got to walk until Marie''s done her deliveries. You okay with that, Menace?"


    She nodded, "Ah ga dis, Mama." I ruffled her hair, delivered hugs and kisses upon both of them, and then went back to collect Lancaster.


    Right as we left the Academy, he griped, "it''s unbecoming how you fawn over your lessers."


    I gave him all the side-eye and replied, "I can''t tell if you''re talking about my daughter, who deserves all the hugs and kisses because I''m her mother, my Maenad, who is a Deific Champion and nobody''s lesser, or you. Who is, I guess, a Freshman Cadet at Phileo City Heroic Academy, so not totally without some accomplishment, loath though I am to admit it."


    He scoffed. "Your Maid is a Deific Champion? Of who?"


    "Dionysus. Duh."


    He went silent for a while. Around about the end of the Boulevard, he muttered, "I suppose that makes an unfortunate amount of sense. Still, aren''t you afraid your daughter will wind up soft, with you coddling her so much?"


    I took my time thinking about that; around about the bridge to Camden Yards I replied, "Yeah, the world''s hard, dangerous, and, at the moment, pretty fucking cold. But that just means it''s my job to make sure she''s got a safe place to run to when the world gets too hard, cold, or dangerous. Not to mention she''s already apparently survived a direct confrontation with The Smith, so I''m really more worried about the world than I am about her."


    When I mentioned the Smith, Lancaster barked out a laugh. "You know, I thought maybe you were serious up until that bit about The Smith."


    I shrugged as we got in line at Drivers''. "We both know I''m not smart enough to lie to you, Larry."


    After we''d secured breakfast, lunch, and dinner, we strolled the rest of the way to the wall. After doing a bit of back and forth walking eating breakfast and warming our muscles and coats up, I said, "did you bring the practice swords today?"


    "I saw no point, since you''d likely weasel out of practice again."


    I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Just as well that you didn''t. I doubt you''re up to a full day of practice without getting sick. Bring them tomorrow though. You''re right, I need more practice."


    He just worked his mouth soundlessly for a bit after that, like he wanted to reply, but couldn''t process the fact that I''d more or less handed him the win in that argument. I sympathized, I had no idea what to do at that point either. So we just settled into quietly strolling back and forth along the wall.


    Around lunch, Saffron tagged me, Tabitha? How much should I tell them?


    About what?


    Mimic. You. The big fuzzy darkness covering the Phileo and Camden portion of Metaphoric Space.


    Uh, don''t tell them I''m Mimic?


    Other than that?


    I trust your discretion. Hell, I trust you more than I do me when it comes to this kind of thing.


    As you will it, my Goddess. Must be going to the strategy meeting.


    Love you, Kitten.


    Love you too, Goof.


    The rest of the day passed without incident, although Lancaster and I both spotted what looked like the smoke from a single small campfire in the distance. When we got back to the Academy, we reported that to Hero Velazquez, who said he''d dispatch a unit to check it out tomorrow.


    Saffron showed up as we got ready for bed, and we lay there in each other''s arms until she fell asleep and disappeared.


    I kinda wish I''d fallen asleep first, because her disappearing like that? Spooked me more than I wanted to admit.

 Day One Hundred And Sixty

    Dear Diary,


    I''m really hoping the war ends soon, because if I have to keep working and training with Lancaster, we might not remain utter nemeses. There''s a shudderific thought if ever I had one.


    So nothing of note overnight, other than me lying there spooked for longer than I''d like to admit after Saffron just up and disappeared. I get that it just means she fell asleep, either next to me or in the camp, but it''s still not something designed to make me feel secure and unabandoned. Still, I sucked it up and lay there still and quiet until I eventually drifted off to sleep.


    Same dream as always, no changes that I can tell.


    Woke up to Isnomi squirming her way under my covers. On one hand, I think she''s almost getting to the point where we want to wean her off breastfeeding. On the other, we can do that once the war''s over and Saffron''s back with us. For now, when she started nosing at the boobs, I Mimicked Saffron and settled down to feed her. We lay there like that, both of us half asleep, until Marie got up to get ready for the day.


    "Okay, Menace. Time to get up and face the day."


    She unlatched just long enough to say "No," then went back to suckling.


    "Aaand that''s reason enough to stop this, if you won''t let go when I tell you it''s time." I switched back to being me and yoinked her off my tit, despite her scrambling to get back on. Once Marie had herself dressed, I held Isnomi out to her. She collected the menace and dressed her while I got dressed. A bit more farewell hugs and kisses for the day than normal, what with me still being not quite over Saffron''s abrupt departure last night.


    Before I headed to the Dining Hall, I slipped my fur coat on, then Translocated up to the storage room for all our practice weapons, picked out a couple swords and a couple daggers, then Translocated down to the Dining Hall. Apparently I''d gotten in before the Maids officially opened up, because they shot me really creepy scary looks as they finished setting up the room. I set my coat and training weapons down where Saffron normally sat, then sat down across from them and tried my best to be not-there. It worked, which I really shouldn''t have been surprised by, what with that being my whole schtick, in some ways.


    I didn''t touch the food until a pair of maids opened the doors, at which point I went ham on everything except the spicy eggs. Only one tray again today, and I waited until most of the ROTC crew got seated before I snagged my share, then passed them around. Plenty of sausage, and surprisingly quite a bit of jalapeno scrapple, too, so by the ninety minute mark when Lancaster stood up and started for the door, I''d gotten a reasonable amount of food for the day.


    I grabbed up the stuff that I''d left on Saffron''s seat, then jogged over to join Lancaster as he made it to the Dining Hall doors. "Hey, Larry. I got us our practice gear already. You good to head out?"


    He shot me a look, then shook his head. "Just when I think I have you figured out. I suppose I''m as ready to go as I''m going to be." With that he headed for the Entrance, leaving me to carry all the gear. As usual, we stopped at Drivers'' for our prepackaged meals for the day before heading to the wall and eating second breakfast. As I wolfed mine down, Lancaster got a weird look on his face and said, "I do not understand how you manage to pack all that food away. I understand even less how you manage to do it at every meal without getting as round as Cadet Driver."


    In between bites, I defended the ROTC table''s honor by saying, "Bill''s gotten a lot less round over the past five months, in case you hadn''t noticed. I mean, yeah, he''s still heavy, but given that his Mom isn''t exactly a lightweight and his Dad is a three hundred cubic foot cube of muscle, I don''t think he''s ever going to fit into haute couture fashion, you know what I''m saying?"


    "You''ve met his parents?"


    I didn''t facepalm, but only because I had my hands full of Papa Driver''s cooking and that would be a waste. "In all likelihood, he cooked what you''re eating now."


    Another weird look out of Lancaster, followed by, "strange, I never made the connection. I suppose it makes sense, though. The Drivers'' are one of the more socially influential families in Camden Yards."


    "And they run Drivers'' diner, which is probably how they got so influential."


    His mouth just worked a bit, like he was arguing with himself. Then he took another big bite out of today''s breakfast, which seemed like nothing so much as a breakfast burrito made with pita bread rather than a tortilla. Still too fuckin'' good to let get cold, though, so I just kept eating while he pondered.


    "I''d never really thought about how much influence can be had by supplying something needed to the community." Before I could respond, he held up a hand, "I suppose I''ve just never abstracted it that way. Lancasters are all Heroes, but even there, out to the west where all the ranches are, Heroes are absolutely needed. Our lands cover a thick edge of an entire quadrant of the area claimed by Phileo and Camden. With all the wildlife that comes from the mountain peaks to the west, Heroes are in high demand. I suppose that''s why the Rider and Rosen families each contribute a child or two every generation, even though they''re mostly ranchers."


    "So, like, everyone in your family is a Hero? Even the women?"


    He shot me a look, like I''d said something offensive without realizing it. He finished off his pita-burrito and pushed himself to his feet. "You brought the weapons?" I gulped down the last couple bites of my own second breakfast, then jumped to my feet and held out the practice swords I''d brought. He frowned at them, but took one. The nicer one, of course. "You know, we should probably start practicing with live steel at some point soon."


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    "Is it really that different?"


    He sighed. "The fact that you have to ask means you need it more than I thought."


    I nodded. "If you don''t mind, I''m going to switch to daggers, and practice some of the things my Patron taught me while you were laid up."


    "Your Patron." I nodded. "Taught you." I nodded again. "Directly?"


    "Yep."


    He closed his eyes, sighed, then opened them again. "From what I gather from father''s private complaints, your Patron is Loki, yes?"


    I just nodded.


    "So over the course of the past week, Loki himself showed up here, in person, despite being chained to a stone slab under the mountains in the lands of the Aesir?"


    "Hey, the Vanir live there too."


    He almost made a throwing away gesture, then stopped himself. "I was about to say something regarding them not being war gods, but then I remembered our earlier conversation about the Drivers."


    Holy shit, he can learn? I carefully avoided saying anything like that, though, and just nodded again.


    "Still, how did he get around the whole ''chained up'' thing to teach you? And what did he teach you?"


    I couldn''t pass up a setup line like that. I Co-Located to right behind him. I reached out to tap him on the shoulder, but before I made contact he spun, his sword coming around in a horizontal slice as he did. I was way too close to jump away, and his sudden reaction surprised me too much to Translocate, so I did the only thing left and stepped into him. His arms crashed into my side, but as I''ve noted he''s not noticeably bigger than me, so between the fur coat and my jacket, it was really more of a rough shove, and I grabbed at him to keep my balance. That left us standing there, his arms pressed between us, me clutching at his shoulders, about an inch between our faces.


    He twisted his head around, and I waved at him from where I was still standing. He looked back and forth between me now behind him and me dangling from him a couple times, then said, "where did you get pie?"


    I rolled my eyes and stepped backwards and back to myself. "That''s what Loki taught me while you were on sick leave." I had the unenviable experience of the Least Lancaster looking me up and down like a piece of meat while visions of two-person threesomes danced very clearly in his head. As his mouth opened, before he could say anything to make me lose my breakfast, I snapped my fingers in front of his face. "Focus, Larry. Focus. I''m gonna be training that today, you good with that?"


    Apparently that wasn''t enough to clear visions of debauchery from his head, so I reached up and flicked him right in the center of his forehead. He blinked, then said, "wait, what?"


    Slowly and carefully I repeated, "I''d like to practice my Translocation and Co-Location Combat today, and I wanted to be sure you were okay with that."


    To his credit, now that I''d interrupted the no doubt NC-17 visions dancing in his noggin, he paused and said, "in the afternoon. For the morning, sword practice."


    I thought about that for a second. "Okay. Switch over at lunch?"


    He nodded, then said, "begin!" and came at me.


    We went back and forth all morning; he was still better with a sword than me, but he had nowhere near the edge he had when we''d begun practicing. Hell, if he''d improved at all, I might even be better than he was when we started. Kinda weird, but Blend can speed up learning, so maybe that''s why I picked it up so fast? That, or nature hating the vacuum that is my clue-free skull.


    At noon, Saffron pinged me. You there, Goof?


    I nommed my lunch sandwich and thought, Yep. Just eating lunch. What''s up, Kitten?


    She snorted, somehow getting that sound through our link, then said, do you know your mental voice sounds like your mouth is full?


    Really?


    Yep.


    Sorry. Drivers'', though, so I''m not gonna stop eating.


    Completely logical choice, that. On slightly more pressing matters, though. Can you do anything about that big black fuzzy fog or whatever it is covering up everything in local Metaphoric Space?


    A little taken aback, I swallowed and thought, why would I be able to do anything about it?


    Do me a little favor?


    Sure, what do you need?


    Walk like thirty feet away from where you are now.


    Bemused, I stood, took another bite, and walked about ten paces down the wall. Lancaster gave me a look, but I waved him back down. I watched as the unit Hero Velazquez dispatched left through the gate and headed for the woods. Okay, thirty feet walked.


    Now walk back.


    I complied, then thought, what is this all about?


    Whatever it is? Is centered on you, love.


    You think it might be Mimic related?


    Something like that.


    Why don''t you ask our son? He seems to be an expert on ''Metaphoric Space'', as you call it.


    True. That''s his term, after all. I''ll see you tonight. Love you, Goof.


    Love you too, Kitten.


    Then she was gone, and I''d finished my lunch, so I stripped off my coat, piled it with my practice sword, and pulled out the pair of practice daggers.


    Lancaster looked at me like I''d gone insane. "So you''re just going to ignore the fact that I wound up getting ill from the cold?"


    "Hey, I didn''t tell you to take yours off." I shrugged. "Another gift of Loki; it''s not pleasant, but I don''t freeze."


    He just shook his head and said, "when you''re ready."


    I nodded, said, "begin," and Translocated to his right side. He''d already begun the same kind of spin he''d done in the morning, assuming I''d go for his rear, and I poked him in the ribs with one of the wooden daggers; not hard enough to injure, but hard enough to let him know I''d tagged him. I jumped back before his counter swing passed through where I''d been standing.


    "This is going to be a long day," he sighed. "Still, I''m sure the Marshall would call this Good Training."


    "You know it."


    For the rest of the afternoon we sparred, and by the end of the day most of my moves were coming without thought, both for Translocation and Co-Location. While Co-Locating too close still got me some weird feedback, I''d learned to tolerate it and tune it out enough it didn''t slow me down. For his part, Lancaster was beginning to predict and react to my moves before I made them. I realized I''d been telegraphing, but hadn''t worked out how not to yet.


    "You okay to make it back alone?" I asked. He nodded, but he looked a little pale. I sighed and held out a hand. "Do you trust me?"


    He stared at my hand like a viper for about ten seconds before saying, "surprisingly, yes?" and putting his hand in mine.


    I Translocated us to the front door of the Academy, because no way was I letting him anywhere inside the Ladies'' Dormitory. "See you tomorrow."


    He just stood there looking a little poleaxed, but still awake and aware, so I left him there and walked back to my cell. Just like yesterday, Saffron showed up right as I was climbing into bed. As we snuggled together, I asked, "could you do me a favor and stay awake until I fall asleep?"


    She smiled at me, "as you wish, love."


    I put my arms around her, pillowed my head on her chest, and slowly, quietly fell asleep.


    I woke up when my head thumped to the mattress, and she was gone.

 Day One Hundred And Sixty One

    Dear Diary,


    I swear, I do not understand politics. You say the exact damn thing in a different way, and all of a sudden you''re a hero rather than a villain.


    So the past couple nights I''ve rested well, because I''ve worked myself as hard as I could all day long, but Saffron disappearing on me when she fell asleep? Really poking at that whole ''abandonment issues'' button, hard. Same dream as before, all night long. At least I woke up rested, right?


    I swear, I need to get some kind of therapy about this abandonment thing before I go off half cocked and do something awful, like murdering someone, or Just Happening to Least Lancaster or some shit.


    Oof. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.


    Anyway, woke up to Isnomi snuggling up to me, using me like a pillow a lot like I''d used Saffron last night. I lay there stroking her curls until I heard Marie getting up. I turned my head and met her gaze. As she finished putting on her final apron, I nodded at the menace. She nodded back, collected a little uniform, then walked over to beside the bed. Once she stood there ready, I flipped the cover off of us, and she scooped Isnomi up and dressed her atop her cart. The menace fussed the whole time, but it was normal ''slow wake up, want to get back to the warm'' fussing, not anything worse than that. I got the latter completely; as soon as Marie collected Isnomi, I leapt for the armoire, grateful that she''d left it open for me. Slipped my pants on fast, shoved my feet into my uniform boots, pulled my blouse on, then set to tying and tucking everything as fast as possible so I could get my uniform jacket on.


    By the time I''d gotten myself fully dressed, Isnomi stood atop the cart, arms folded, staring at me and shaking her head. She looked so much like an itty bitty Saffron I had all I could do to keep from crying, but when she waved me over I stepped up. She straightened my collar while Marie fixed the absolute mess I''d made of tucking in and tying my shirt. I absolutely was not crying. Marie must have been cutting onions or something. Once she had my collar straight, Isnomi wiped away my tears and hugged me. Okay, she mostly hugged my head, because bigger or not, she was still toddler sized. Big toddler, maybe, but toddler.


    Once they had my sartorial madness more or less corrected, I scooped up Isnomi, pulled Marie into a hug, and said, "could you pick her up about half an hour before breakfast is over, please?"


    She nodded, "Yes.", hugged me again, and squeaked her way out of the room and down the hallway.


    Once we were out in the hall, Isnomi wriggled and said, "down." I shrugged, set her gently on her feet, whereupon she grabbed my hand and started pulling me down the hallway. I had to half jog to keep up with her, because much like any other time she self-locomoted, she was running. She nearly gave me a heart attack on the steps when she didn''t even slow down, but leapt down the flight, barely touching the middle step before launching herself down the rest. I couldn''t very well manage the steps myself without slowing her down or letting go, and I absolutely wasn''t about to let go of her while she did her daredevil leaping.


    We hit the ground floor right behind a group of Cadets, and instead of slowing down, Isnomi dragged me around them. We wound up getting to the Dining Hall doors before anyone else, and they opened just after that. Nothing to do with Isnomi bouncing up and down and knocking on the door as high as she could reach, I''m certain. The Maid who opened the door gave me a sour look, then saw Isnomi when she bounced up and said, "Hi!" Friendly welcome replaced sourness so fast I wondered if I''d imagined her first response. Isnomi shook my hand off, sprinted to the table, and started in on the sausages before I even got seated.


    Still only one tray of spicy eggs. Sad Tabitha noises.


    About half an hour before breakfast ended, just as Lancaster got up from his table, Marie came into the room from the hallway. Before she even got to us, Isnomi jumped onto the table, sprinted down its length, and leapt for Marie, who managed to catch her just before she faceplanted into the hard stone floor. I got out of my seat like a sane adult, walked over to the pair of them, watching as Marie held Isnomi dangling, claws around her like a five point harness. The two stared at one another, and I saw suppressed fear, followed by sternness, capped off by frustrated acceptance all roll across Marie''s face before she deposited the menace on her cart.


    "Be good for Marie today, Menace," I admonished her before giving her hugs and kisses farewell. I moved on to Marie, who might have kept an eye on Isnomi the whole time, apparently half expecting her to swan dive off of the cart onto the floor.


    I intercepted Lancaster at the door. "Did you pick up the practice blades today?" He shook his head, so I said, "meet me at the Entrance," and Translocated up to the storage shed, then stepped back down to the Entrance.


    "I can''t help but think that''s somehow blasphemous, using divine powers for something so trivial."


    I shrugged, "if Loki says he doesn''t want me doing it, I''ll stop."


    You''re fine, Tabitha. I''ll certainly tell you should I wax wroth with you.


    Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    I shrugged at Lancaster. "He doesn''t mind, so we''re good. You want to walk all the way there? Or should we take the quick way?"


    He looked conflicted, opening his mouth to speak like three times before shutting it. Finally, he shook his head and said, "I see no reason to freeze ourselves," and held out his hand.


    I grabbed his hand and stepped to Drivers''. We had to wait in line for a little bit; apparently the breakfast rush normally ends right around when the Dining Hall stops serving breakfast. But we picked up three packages each, then I took his hand and stepped to the wall.


    "That''s," he said before pausing, then continuing, "bizarre."


    "Did you expect anything less than weird from me?"


    He shrugged. "Not really. But the first step I felt like I blinked, so I made sure to keep my eyes open the second time. There''s a tiny fragment of a second where everything''s just dark. Dark as the deep forest on an overcast night."


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    "Huh." I''d never noticed that before, although part of the whole Translocation thing was picturing some aspect of the destination so well you could almost see it.


    Without further ado, we walked down the wall, side by side, silently eating our breakfast pita burritos. I finished up before him, and when he finished I handed him his practice sword. He took it, saw me getting ready to shuck my coat, and said, "wait." When I paused with the coat hanging open, he continued, "keep your coat on and use your daggers. I''m assuming you''re using them because a Mana Blade of that size is easier to create?"


    I shrugged and buttoned my coat back up. "More like if I don''t think about making it any other size, it comes out that big."


    He nodded, "so for now, let''s practice with coats on, no teleporting about. You need the practice, I think."


    "And the coat?"


    He smiled, "good training."


    I sighed, "Fuck me, you''re right."


    I couldn''t tell if I imagined a little pink flushing his pale complexion, or if it was just from the cold, but he barked out, "begin!" and came at me.


    We sparred all morning, not stopping even once. I quickly realized that staying out of reach of his sword meant staying way out of reach of my daggers, so I adjusted by lunging inside his blade the way I had the day before. We wound up flat on the stone walkway more than once as I barreled into him, but after the first time he dropped his sword, signaling I''d won that spar, because with me lying on top of him, he didn''t have the angle or leverage to hit me solidly with his sword. By lunch he was definitely looking a little pale, so I ate slow to give him more time to recover.


    Tabitha?


    Yeah, Kitten?


    You might want to pay attention to this.


    I watched through her eyes as she walked into Lancaster''s command tent. She glanced downward to show me she had her official High Priestess garb on, and Lancaster had removed his armor as well. Hero Castro, Hero Potami, and the Marshall all stood around a planning table set up with a rough map of the surrounding terrain.


    Lancaster responded to her entrance first. "High Priestess Aetos. I take it based on your garb you''ve something religious to discuss?"


    Saffron nodded, "I have information regarding the darkness that spreads through Underhill surrounding Phileo City and Camden Yards."


    "Well don''t just keep us in suspense," said the Marshall. "What''s going on with it?"


    Saffron looked at Lancaster and asked, "do you recall that I told you that Phileo City and Camden Yards presently have the blessing of Mimic?"


    Marshall duBois looked like he''d swallowed a grape down the wrong hole, but before he could say anything Lancaster replied, "I remember, yes. Is that changing?"


    Saffron shook her head, "no, but are you aware that since shortly after the Equinox, Apollo has been raining fire upon Phileo City from Olympus?"


    Everyone else in the tent looked a bit taken aback. Eventually the Marshall asked, "how do you know? I mean, I think we''d all notice fire raining from the sky."


    Saffron shook her head, "Apollo launches his assault from Olympus, which lies in the Land of the Gods. Should his arrows hit, I suspect they would impact the material world as well as Underhill."


    Lancaster asked, "so why aren''t they?"


    "Because Mimic has protected our cities and our lands, her darkness blocking the divine wrath Apollo intended for us."


    Marshall duBois barked out, "why are we all just ignoring this profanity? She keeps referring to," here he waved his hand in the sign against evil, "Mimic, and all of you are just accepting it?"


    Hero Castro nodded and stepped next to the Marshall. "I''d like to know that as well."


    Potami said nothing, just giving Saffron a tiny Potami smile of approval. Saffron''s salvation came from an unexpected quarter as Lancaster stepped between her and the Marshall. "After Diana''s betrayal on the Equinox, Cadet Aetos denied her and sought out a new Patron. Apparently her new Patron favors her, and has made her its High Priestess. I would be lying if I said I felt fully sanguine about her choice, but legally it is her right to choose. Had she done aught but support the City in time of war, I might agree with you, but it seems that no matter her religious affiliation, Cadet Aetos, now High Priestess and Council Woman Aetos, is a true daughter of Phileo."


    "She, not it, and I am a true daughter of Camden Yards, but the two cities are so intertwined, to support one is to support the other."


    duBois seethed a bit, but reined his temper in enough to ask, "how do we even know..."


    Saffron interrupted him, and fuzzy darkness filled the tent as her voice killed all other sound, "that I am her High Priestess? I trust this is enough proof for you?"


    The moment she finished speaking, the wisps of darkness faded, only to show Marshall duBois looking a little pale. Lancaster half turned to look at Saffron, a twisted smile on his face. Then he looked back at the Marshall and said, "Honestly, William? I''m just glad she''s on our side."


    That could have gone better.


    It could have gone far worse.


    How?


    Look at Potami and Castro.


    Both of them had stepped out from behind the Marshall, so now the group in the tent formed a circle around the table.


    "So, despite the unusual nature of our defender, I would say she is clearly on our side, yes?"


    Potami and Castro both nodded, murmuring agreement, while the Marshall ran a hand across his face, sighing deeply. "This goes against everything I learned as a kid, but... I trust Cadet Aetos." He half-glared at Saffron and said, "I really hope High Priestess Aetos does nothing to make me regret trusting her."


    Saffron nodded, "I will do my best to live up to your trust, Marshall."


    The rest of this meeting is likely to be deathly dull discussions of our readiness to storm the walls of Newark.


    Do I really need to watch that?


    Hardly.


    Oh, good. I''m gonna get back to finishing my lunch and then do some more sparring with Lancaster.


    Have fun, Goof. Remember our deal if you Just Happen to him.


    I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Love you, Kitten.


    With that she was gone. I finished my lunch, then stood from where I''d been sitting on an inner crenellation and walking over to where Lancaster had apparently fallen asleep midway through lunch. I reached down and shook him, but he didn''t respond.


    "Oh, shit." I whipped up a Stabilize, hammered him with it, but even though he gasped and kept breathing, he didn''t wake up. I did the next best thing I could think of, throwing him into a Healing Coma, then scooping him up and stepping back to the Men''s Infirmary.


    "Tabitha? How did you get in here?"


    I looked at Doc DeLeon as I lay Lancaster on one of the Infirmary beds. "Lancaster passed out again. I''ve stabilized him and put him in a Healing Coma, but I don''t know what else to do at this point."


    "You know how... never mind. Please go get Sister Siobhan for me? I''ll need to consult with her on this, I think."


    "You got it." I stepped to the Ladies'' infirmary, lay a hand on a startled Sister Siobhan''s shoulder and said, "Doc DeLeon needs you," then stepped back to the Men''s Infirmary with her in tow.


    Doc DeLeon stood there with his mouth hanging open just a little bit. "I intended for you to run, but I suppose that''s quicker." He then launched into a detailed explanation that went over my head immediately.


    I said, "I''d better get back to the wall," and stepped back as soon as I finished speaking.


    The afternoon passed uneventfully. I made six of myself to watch the forest edge, which stubbornly refused to do anything more exciting than drop snow on the ground. More snow fell, but not enough to do more than accumulate another inch outside the walls and make a slushy mess across the top of the wall. I figured I''d worry about that tomorrow or something. I ate dinner early, then stepped back to the cell and moped around until Saffron arrived, with Marie and the menace arriving with a cart loaded with bath supplies a few moments later.


    Bath night was fun, if limited to bathing and enjoying the view while Saffron got clean. We lay down with her resting on me, and I fell asleep first. If I woke up when she fell asleep and left, I don''t remember it, but she was gone in the morning when I woke.

 Day One Hundred And Sixty Two

    Dear Diary,


    Fucker got what he fucking deserved. Don''t @ me.


    Same dream last night. That one itchy spot got itchier, which I didn''t think was possible, but what the fuck do I know. Maybe I''ve got a rash or something.


    Woke up to the menace crawling into bed with me. Might not have woken up, except she was completely dressed, and the outside of the jacket fabric is more than a little scratchy. Maybe it wasn''t a rash, but some kind of allergy to the sheets? Wait, when were the sheets last washed? I sat there contemplating that, unable to drift back off, until Marie stirred.


    "Hey Marie?"


    "Yes?"


    "How often do the sheets get washed?"


    She shrugged. "Weekly?"


    That didn''t seem too bad, really. Way more often than I used to wash them back in Camden, anyhow. Don''t give me that look. Detergent''s spendy, and I''m lazy.


    So when Marie got up I slipped out of bed, letting the menace stay under the covers for the moment. I debated wearing my uniform for the day, but I felt like I needed something to combat my deepening funk, so with Marie''s help I pulled on The Dress'' boots, then put it on over top them. With the panties today, because immunity to cold or not, I didn''t want to risk freezing my bits off.


    With both of us dressed and ready to go, I carefully peeled back the blankets away from Isnomi. She curled into a ball, but when I lifted her by her armpits she cracked her eyes open just enough to grump at me. Then her eyes went wide as she took in what I was wearing. "Mama priddy!"


    "Aw, thank you, Menace. You ready to go with Marie today?"


    She shook her head, "wan see Siggy."


    I sighed. I wasn''t really up to momming today, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Besides, I suspected between riding Mr. Slither around on the ceiling and getting made much over by Sigyn, I wouldn''t have all that much to do. "Okay, then, Menace. Hugs and kisses for Marie."


    Once we''d both given our Maenad her morning farewell hugs and kisses, Marie did her five-point harness thing around Isnomi, held her up to her face, and said, "Behave."


    "Ah ga dis."


    I just shook my head, collected the menace, and headed for the Dining Hall.


    We got there just after the doors opened, and with Lancaster missing and obviously still down for the count, I took my time eating. Okay, it''s more accurate to say ''we kept eating mass quantities until the Maids kicked us out.'' I poked my head into the Headmaster''s office. "Just checking, is Cadet Lancaster still sick?"


    Headmaster Miles nodded, then asked, "will you be okay on the wall, or should I assign you some help?"


    I shook my head. "Don''t worry about it. I can handle it."


    He nodded. "Be careful. Hero Velazquez tells me his scouting unit never returned. Them staying out overnight might be attributed to following a lead, but we''ve gotten no messages from them."


    I said, "I''ll keep an extra special eye out for them. Later, sir."


    I stepped to Loki''s cave, then Co-Located myself to seven separate spots on my section of the wall. I''d noticed yesterday that six left some of the approaches through the trees a little less than covered. For a moment I debated switching over to my coat, but the bracing breeze kicking up snow definitely kept me awake and alert.


    "Hey, Boss."


    "Good Morning, Tabitha. I take it from your presence here you don''t want to practice today?"


    I shook my head. "Not really. Today''s the deadline, I kinda want to keep an eye on Saffron, if you don''t mind?"


    He nodded to me, then looked to Sigyn, who was busy tickling Isnomi. "Could you please, dear?"


    She one handed her bowl, a reminder that despite looking like a normal, if divine of ass, human, she was still a Norse god. She walked off and straight up through one of the walls; at least that''s what it looked like out of the corner of my eye as I unlocked Loki''s arms by rotating the stalactite tops and pulling them free. "These give you any trouble, Boss?"


    "While I could wish you had freed me entirely, I cannot complain about the vast improvement in my living conditions." Sigyn stepped back in and, one hand holding it by the edge, set her golden bowl down beside Loki''s thigh. "Would you like me to show you how to do this?"


    I shrugged. "Sure."


    Much like Saffron, he wove Mana in glowing strands I could observe; when they settled into the bowl, the surface of the water got staticky for a second, then cleared to show Saffron organizing units picking up what looked an awful lot like rafts with safety rails sticking up along the sides. He then passed a hand over the bowl and the water went staticky, then cleared so I could see the bottom of the bowl. "Now you try. Just picture the one you seek to scry on in your head."


    I wove the same Shape, and it hung in the air a moment before I mentally pushed it down into the bowl. When it submerged, the water went staticky again, then cleared to show Saffron still working; it looked like she had each unit that came through picking up a single raft.


    "What are they doing?"


    It only took me a moment to figure out the answer to Loki''s question. "Pontoon bridges."


    "Pardon?"


    I shook my head, still staring at Saffron. I loved watching her work, and somehow her not knowing made it even more special. I have no idea why; maybe she just looked different when she knew I was watching. In answer to Loki''s implied question, I said, "each unit is gonna carry a raft, and when they get to the river, they''ll drop them in and connect them together to form a floating bridge."


    He frowned. "Not a very sturdy bridge."


    I shrugged. "It''s not really intended for more than one use. So long as they don''t capsize, they''ll still float, too, so worst case a couple units get washed downstream."


    "Fascinating." After watching a while, he said, "I wonder if you could hang nets from those."


    "Why?"


    He smirked at me. "Among my other accomplishments, I am a patron god of fishermen, because I invented the fishing net."


    "Y''know, I''m pretty sure they have fishing nets in places you''ve never been."


    He gave me a ''really, Diaz?'' look. It had been so long since I''d gotten one I kinda missed it. "I didn''t learn it from anyone, and none of my followers knew how before I figured it out, so I invented it."


    I nodded. "Fair point." Then I went back to watching over Saffron.


    As usual, Loki''s cave screwed with time. Before I knew it, Saffron stopped for lunch. Hey, Goof. How goes?


    I smiled as I watched her lips move just a little while she chewed. Not bad, Kitten. At Loki''s today, on top of being on the wall.


    Isn''t that a bit distracting?


    Eh. The view''s nice.


    She snorted a little, then went back to eating. Of course you''d be staring at Sigyn''s ass.


    I looked around at a shrieking giggle, only to see both Sigyn and the menace dangling upside down from Mister Slither as he crawled across the ceiling. I really shouldn''t have been surprised she could clench her thighs around Mister Slither tight enough to keep herself from falling. Honestly I haven''t been.


    So what have you been doing today? More cleaning? Running errands?


    I''ve been learning how to scry.


    At that, she looked around until her eyes fixed on the scrying point. She smiled as she continued eating. I realized right then the difference between when I was watching her and when I wasn''t. When she knew I was looking? She smiled. So cute. I looked over at Loki.


    "Is there a way to move the point of view?"


    "The scrying point should follow your mental commands, although it will always have the same center point, the person, place, or object you''re scrying upon."


    I zoomed in on Saffron''s smiling face, then pulled back until I could see all of her where she sat, tailor fashion, in what had been General Lancaster''s personal pavilion, but had been repurposed to be used as a planning center. Apparently they''d gotten the hint that a big old tent was like a lit sign saying, ''Commanding Officer Sleeping Here, please do not murder''. I have no idea where the General and the Marshall were sleeping, but at a guess I''d say in one of the little pup tents like Saffron and her unit.


    She finished eating, stood up and dusted crumbs off her uniform, then walked over to stand next to General Lancaster and Marshall duBois, who both were still finishing their lunch. I rotated the view a bit, and saw Potami standing on the far side of the pair, also waiting on them. The Marshall laughed and nudged the General with his elbow. "Looks like we''re holding up the show, Leonard." He pushed himself to his feet, then reached down to give General Lancaster a hand up. Saffron did so at the same time, and I noted that Lancaster took her hand rather than Marshall duBois''. They might work together with the City in danger, but it had become increasingly obvious they didn''t like one another much at all, and more than a little of the dislike was on Lancaster''s side of the equation.


    The four of them left the tent and made their way first to the edge of the forest, then to a tent set in the middle of the field. It looked smaller than the one they met in before; then again, that one was way oversized for eight people, and it looked like there wouldn''t be more at the meeting today. Again, the sides were held down, but the notional ''front'' and ''back'' were open. The tent had a single table set in the middle of it, with four chairs on the far side and a bench on the Phileo side of the table.


    "Well. That''s petty," said the Marshall.


    Lancaster shook his head, then said, "Cadet Aetos, could you take the center, please?"


    Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.


    "Of course General."


    "Thank you. While wearing my clerical garb under or over other garments or armor has become second nature, I still have some troubles sliding sideways on a seat without it riding up something fierce."


    Saffron smiled up at him, with more than a hint of a smirk to the smile. "I''m familiar with the phenomenon, although I don''t have to worry about it while in uniform."


    "Speaking of, I thought you would be wearing your own clerical garb?"


    She just shook her head as she slid sideways on the bench. "I''ll switch if it''s needed."


    "Oh?"


    "A gift from the Goddess."


    The four of them sat there, pretty clearly trying to avoid looking bored or otherwise discomfited by the seating snub and being left to cool their heels. The far side of the tent had two normal chairs, one gilt throne-looking thing, and one fancy marble camp stool, the kind of thing a pompous general might have, just to show he was ''better'' than everybody else, like his ass was too good to sit on normal wood and fabric.


    The fucking ''Damn negotiators left our four sitting there waiting until the sun was well past midday; when I spun the view around enough to get a view of the city, I caught a bunch of glare from the sun; some time soon it would be shining straight into the open Newark side of the tent. Apparently the final river twisted around at this point, leaving our troops facing west toward Newark''s gates, as weird as that seemed. I panned around to see that the big killing field was bordered on three sides by the river, with Newark''s walls just beyond it on all sides. I really hoped we could end this peacefully, because charging through that area looked like a surefire path to suicide.


    Oddly, I only saw a few token soldiers atop the walls. I decided to take that as a good sign. As I panned around, I noticed a pillar of smoke rising to the sky from behind the eastern portion of Newark''s walls. In the far distance, out beyond where the river met the sea, I could just barely make out what looked like a ship, and I only saw it because it, too, had a line of smoke rising from it.


    I don''t like this, Kitten.


    I''m sure they''re just posturing, Goof.


    I dunno...


    At that point the drawbridge in front of Newark''s main gates started to ratchet down, exposing a massive pair of doors on the far side. What with New Amsterdam being a big trading city, and their best cropland being in what I thought of as their chunk of New Jersey, I imagined those doors stood open more often than not. The drawbridge sped up as it lowered, until it slammed into the ground with a resounding crash. At the same moment, the gates cracked open, and one of my seven selves watching from Camden Yard''s walls saw a tiny, thin smudge of smoke rising from the forest to the east. I heard something else, something almost drowned out by the sound of the crashing drawbridge, the creaking doors, and the rising portcullis. Something odd, almost like Vulcan, but he rode on Saffron''s back in his case.


    I pulled my scrying point back out of the tent and panned around, trying to figure out what the other sound had been. When I got high enough, I noticed a veritable sea of blue and orange on the far side of the gates, and something else beyond them, a single wooden post, huge enough I couldn''t make out individual soldiers standing next to it. I pulled back further, frantically trying to figure out what I''d heard.


    I almost missed it in the glare of the sun; a chunk of something airborne, headed for the tent in the middle of the killing field.


    I Co-Located into the tent, mentally screaming, INCOMING! and throwing an image of what I''d seen to Saffron.


    I almost made it in time. I glimpsed Saffron in the act of reaching out to either side of her, and then tons of rock slammed into the tent, obliterating the me inside along with everyone and everything inside.


    Pain shot through every one of me, but pain wouldn''t stop me. Without a word I leapt back to the same spot I''d been killed. I stood atop a huge chunk of white marble, large enough that only a few scraps of fabric showed that there had once been a tent there.


    Bloody fabric.


    "No."


    In the distance, figures in orange and blue streamed out of the gates.


    Pain ripped through me, pain at being too slow, too weak, too little, too late.


    "No!"


    To the north of Camden Yard''s north wall, figures in orange and blue streamed through the trees.


    Loss cut at me. In one instant they''d stripped me of everything worthwhile about me.


    "FUCK!"


    Tabitha, are you...


    Rage engulfed me.


    Not. Fucking. Now. Boss.


    Mana Blades extending from my hands, my elbows, my knees, my feet, I stepped into the crowd of orange and blue. Eight soldiers died before they knew the battle had started. I stepped and split myself, and sixteen more fell. A low feedback whine cut at my ears, and I gave it exactly the zero fucks it deserved. I stepped, and split, and thirty two more soldiers died. The whine got louder, and the edges of my vision blurred. I stepped, I split, and sixty four more blue and orange bastards died.


    Step. Split. Dozens more died, some with multiple lines carved through them.


    Step. Split. Hundreds fell, the snow and blood churning the ground below to crimson mud. My Smith made boots gripped the mud as well as they gripped everything else.


    Step. Split. Kill. A constant whine deafened me, my vision starting to tunnel. Step, split, kill, hundreds of orange and blue soldiers torn apart like they''d been thrown into a blender.


    I''d made it inside the walls, made it well past the tree line. Soldiers near any of me turned and fled, and it did fuck all to save them. Step. Split. Thousands died giving voice to screams I couldn''t hear, splattering carnage through the streets of Newark, through the woods to the north of Camden Yards. Even my skin got into the feedback, painful pins and needles across all my bodies.


    One of me got close enough to see that huge pillar being pulled back, saw figures robed in fancy orange and blue robes pointing staves at another monstrous chunk of stone. I stepped, and along with thousands more soldiers, I sliced through the twisted sinew of the catapult that had killed my love, that had left her beneath so much stone I couldn''t even get to her to Revive her. The energy in that sinew, enough to fling a chunk of rock the size of a short school bus all the way across the killing field, lashed out, shredding the robed fuckers surrounding it, breaking their staves, and turning the me that had wrecked it into a bloody pulp no bigger than the remains of the mages.


    All of me screamed in pain, the sound so loud I heard it even through the feedback whine, but even that slight distraction reminded me. The real culprits weren''t the poor bastards I''d been killing by the thousands. The real culprits were the ''Heroes'', the ones in charge. Octavio. Oliver. All of me looked for uniforms different to the others. Some of me saw them, hiding behind their cannon fodder in the woods and in the city.


    I stepped. thousands died, including dozens of the fancy orange and blue scum that called themselves ''Heroes''. I stepped again, and some of me fell to the orange and blue cowards hiding behind their minions. Dozens of them fell. The rest went back to back, threw up Mana Wards, started running. I stepped after them, and all the runners died. I stepped inside the Mana Wards, and mages died too fast to scream. I stepped above the pairs and trios going back to back, falling on them knees-first, spinning as I did, leaving julienned ''Hero'' in my wake.


    Some of them turned fast enough. Some of me died. Pain ripped through me. Not enough. Never enough. I screamed again. A batch of ''Heroes'' formed a double lined square, the inner ones facing upward. Another mage tried making a Ward just large enough to cover himself. I grabbed up pikes from fallen enemies. I stepped, surrounded the mage, skewered him from all sides, left him dangling from a dozen pikes each planted butt first into the ground. The rest of me stepped around the formation of fancy dress motherfuckers. Hundreds of overpowered Fire Bolts tore into them from every direction, leaving nothing but ash blowing in the wind and chunks of long pork raining from the sky as some of the bastards exploded.


    Some of me died from those same bolts. Pain rushed through me. I stepped, split, and a thousand more orange and blue minions died as I screamed, "OLIVER!" My skin rippled with pins and needles feedback. I ignored it, and stepped, killing anyone who fled, anyone who stood, anyone still standing in orange and blue. Something glinted from the top of Newark''s wall. I saw the same glint from the top of a siege tower standing still on the path leading to Camden Yards'' north gate.


    I stepped. Atop Newark''s wall, Octavio held up his hand, tried to step away from me, out of the steaming puddle he''d been standing in. "It wasn''t me! It was Oliver''s idea! I swear!"


    He backed right into me, and I carved an ''x'' from his shoulders to his opposite hips. I stepped forward and grabbed his head by the hair, holding it up as the light in his eyes died. "You should have FUCKING said NO, asshole."


    I landed atop the siege tower, landed inside of it, landed clinging to the sides of it. Tens of ''Heroes'' died before they realized I''d arrived as I spun in place. Two of me died as Oliver spun to face me, but one of me stepped into the air behind him and fell, slicing through his ankles before stepping to spin through the rest of the tower, churning the bodies, cutting through supports, splitting one of the axles in two. Oliver had managed to keep his balance without feet, but when the tower itself tipped, he fell, toppling off the side. As he slipped off the side, four of me stepped to him, two grabbing at his arms. He pulled at me, whether to pull himself up or pull me down with him I''ll never know, because the other two of me sliced his hands off at the wrist. One of me leapt out and grappled him, stepping to the ground, slamming him into it, ramming a finger up each of his nostrils, then ripping his nose clean off his face.


    I looked down on him, and the rest of me stepped, grabbed at enemy heroes, slammed them into the ground, kneeling on them with Mana Blades to their throats. When I saw hatred push him past the pain in his eyes, I said, "if there''s anything you wanted to see, FUCK YOU, TOO LATE!" and rammed my thumbs into his eye sockets, ripping his eyeballs free and throwing them to the sides. He screamed, and I shoved a short, fat Mana Blade into his mouth, burning the bulk of his tongue away.


    I grabbed him by the hair and stepped back to the tower above the gate through Newark''s wall. I dropped him next to Octavio, then Fire Bolted each of Octavio''s limbs. I then lifted that asshole''s head and torso by his hair, and ripping Mana from the Newark Heroes I''d caught, said, "Revive."


    Mana seared through me, and Octavio''s eyes shot open. I pulled a dagger from Oliver''s belt, slammed it into the stone wall, and hung Octavio there by the collar of his shirt.


    He looked down at the bloody, burned mess I''d left of Oliver and whimpered, "my son."


    At the same time, the Heroes that I''d pulled the Mana from all struggled, some of them getting away, some of them dying in the process. The cannon fodder, realizing I was inside the walls, streamed out, headed for our Army. I stepped, split, and thousands died, some fancy, some not, some running through Newark, some fleeing through the forest north of Camden Yards. I stepped, split, and thousands more died. I could barely see them now, just killing anything orange and blue. My skin rippled with agony.


    Then a single word, louder than thunder, louder than the impact that killed my love, louder than the feedback whine in my ears, echoed loud enough to hurt. "STOP." Fuzzy Darkness filled the air, and all other sound died.


    I froze. Because that voice?


    It was Saffron''s.


    Thunder rolled, and those of me in Newark saw her, kaiju large and dressed in her High Priestess garb, striding toward a wall that barely reached to her ankle. She pulled her leg back and rammed one stiletto heel straight through the wall. She did it again on the other side of the gate, each time ripping her foot up to rip away a huge chunk of the wall. Some of the pieces fell amongst living ''Damn soldiers. Some of them even fell on me, not that I cared.


    She spoke again, her words like thunder even though she didn''t shout this time. "Your walls are breached. You have lost. Surrender, lie face down on the ground, and no further harm will befall you." After a pause, as I saw ''Damn soldiers and even a few ''Damn Heroes dropping to the ground without care whether they faceplanted in bloody mud or bloodier stones, she continued, "any who continue to fight will be executed like the rest of your army was."


    All of the soldiers dropped. Most of the Heroes did. A few raised bows, or spears, or wands, or staves, pointing in Saffron''s direction.


    One last time all of me stepped, and dozens of ''Damn Heroes died. They took some of me with them, and pain tore through me as they did, but at the end of it no one from New Amsterdam stood on the field or as far as I could see in the City.


    As the Grand Army poured forward, no longer needing their pontoon bridges now that we controlled the drawbridge, I stepped to Saffron''s feet as she shrank down to normal her sized, pulling all of me into the body in front of her and putting my arms around her leg, then her waist, and finally around her shoulders as she shrank.


    Standing there with my arms around her, dripping with blood from thousands of cuts, dozens of them my own, I said, "I thought you were dead."


    She looked around the field, where our soldiers had trouble walking through the churned up bloody mud. "I gathered."


    "How?"


    She reached up and ruffled my hair, having to stand on tiptoes even in her elevator boots to do so. "Your warning. The difference between your height and mine."


    "The General? The Marshall? Potami?"


    "If Hero Potami weren''t Hero Potami, she''d need new slacks. General Lancaster and Marshall duBois are still recovering after being Revived, but they''ll be fine with some time."


    I frowned, "who gave the Mana for that?"


    She smiled up at me. "I was in direct physical contact with my Goddess'' form in Metaphoric Space, and she denies me nothing."


    I smiled down at her, a little woozy from the cuts all over me. "Y''know, I still have no idea what happened, but... you''re here."


    "I am."


    "You''re alive."


    "I am."


    "We won?"


    "You did."


    I blinked owlishly at her. "You kicked over the walls."


    She reached up and lay one palm on my cheek. "To convince them to surrender, before you killed everyone in Newark."


    I winced, my head spinning. Hey, Boss?


    Yes, my Glorious Champion?


    Did Isnomi see any of that?


    A few bits where the battle wandered out onto the killing field, but no more than that. By the time you stepped away, there was naught to see but that hunk of rock.


    Oh good. Do you and Sigyn mind watching her until one of us can pick her up?


    We shall watch over your beloved and precocious child, gleefully in Sigyn''s case, my most Glorious Champion.


    "Loki and Sigyn are watching the menace. I think..."


    When I petered off, staring at her eyes, she said, "that''s good to know, but what are you thinking?"


    "I need a nap." I collapsed into her, and I''m glad she''d had so much practice keeping my weight off the ground, because I blacked out before my head hit her shoulder.

 Day One Hundred And Sixty Three

    Dear Diary,


    Apparently I''ve been misinformed my whole life. I always thought that Heroes were the ones with the big bedroom body count, and Villains were the ones with the big battlefield body count.


    What? My bedroom body count is four, two if you only count since I''ve been Isekaid. My battlefield body count is now more than a thousand times that. This does not bode well for my desire to remain lime-green free.


    So, slept well. Same dream as before, but now the itchiness? Completely gone, like it never had been. Psychedelic tadpoles everywhere, like they''d hatched from every itchy spot and were trying to figure out how to get back to the wet patches. Worst part about that is that all the new ones seemed to favor titillation rather than the soothing the ones in the lake had switched over to. With the lack of itchiness, I kinda flopped out along the lake shore in that direction, reveling in the lack-of-itching. The rocks ran kinda close to the shore at one point, and there was another wet patch on the ground, but not itching felt too good for me to complain about anything that trivial. I just lay there, watching the stars and vibing.


    Woke up to my head in Saffron''s lap. She stroked my hair out of my eyes and said, "hey there, sleepyhead. Welcome back."


    "Did I go somewhere?"


    She laughed, and I glanced around to see the interior of Lancaster''s command tent. "Only to sleep the clock round, almost."


    "Oh, shit! Is everything okay? Is Isnomi okay? What happened to the ''Damn Army, and..." I trailed off as she kept smiling at me, gently shaking her head.


    "Isnomi is with Marie; I picked her up and dropped her off while you slept. As for the Army of New Amsterdam and Newark? You happened to them. Don''t you remember?" The whole time she kept stroking my hair, like I''d been the one who nearly died.


    When she asked about yesterday, images flashed through my head. Maiming Oliver. Quartering Octavio. Turning some random Mage into bloody sculpture. Above all, countless images of death and blood. So much blood. Mana Blades usually cauterize, but with enough cuts, enough heat, the cauterization ruptures from the inside as the poor bastard''s blood boils. I desperately wished I could forget how I learned that. I wished I could forget the faces, some shocked, some angry, some without any expression at all, but most terrified beyond reason, just frightened animals trying to escape a trap. Trying to get away from a slaughterhouse. With the exception of a few ''Damn Heroes, I hadn''t fought anyone. I''d just killed them.


    "Shh... shh... it''s okay. Isnomi''s fine. Marie''s fine. I''m fine. You saved me." Her voice trembled a little at that, her eyes widening just a touch.


    "You''re afraid of me now."


    She shook her head, "No! No, never that, love. I''m afraid for you. I..." she paused, took a deep breath before continuing. "I watched you die. I changed into my clerical garb because my uniform had bits of your skull and gray matter splattered on it. I watched you die." She shuddered to a stop, her eyes going closed.


    I smiled up at her, trying to be comforting. I realized she still had her Midnight Dress on, and I still wore The Dress. Blood and mud and bits of gore were gone, and my cuts had been healed, but I couldn''t look at it without remembering. "It''s okay, Kitten. You know me. I''m too stupid to die when someone kills me."


    She snorted out a half-hysterical laugh, her eyes shooting open after. She flicked my forehead once, sharply. "I don''t like it when you call yourself stupid, Goof."


    "I''ll try to remember that. I''ll probably forget, but I''ll try." I looked around. I lay on a cot in the middle of Lancaster''s big tent; the strategy planning table stood off to the back, and the few other pieces of furniture ringed the sides. The closed flaps meant I couldn''t see anything else. "Where is everyone? Why are we in the strategy tent?"


    She shrugged. "There''s not much need for strategy at this point. The soldiers who didn''t die? Fled. About half of the runners from this battle wound up in the river, since they were in no shape to deal with our troops, who moved forward when they heard the impact that squashed the negotiation tent. Some of those didn''t make it out of the freezing water. After being routed like that, I doubt any of them will pick up a weapon again. The situation with the City''s Heroes is even worse. Three quarters of New Amsterdam''s Heroes are dead, and almost all of the rest are maimed. Soul burned."


    "Oh, god. I did that."


    Given their treachery, they deserved it.


    I appreciate the vote of confidence, Boss, but...


    As I trailed off, Saffron leaned down and kissed me. "I love you. Whatever may come. No matter what, so long as I am, I will stand by you in spirit and in flesh."


    I grimaced, "isn''t right about there where you drop the Bad News?"


    She shrugged again. "There isn''t that much to say. General Lancaster and Marshall duBois want to debrief you once I tell them you''re fit to talk. Hero Potami wants to thank you personally. I think everyone in the Army would like to thank you for, y''know, doing their job for them. One or two might gripe about losing some combat pay, but if I''ve learned anything in life, it''s that some people go through life looking for something to complain about."


    I curled up, rolling over a bit to keep my head on Saffron''s lap. "I wanna lie here for a little bit. I need to get yesterday out of my head."


    She went back to stroking my hair. "I understand. It''s not every day that you die and live to talk about it."


    I shook my head a little. "It''s not that. I mean, yeah, that happened a few times, and that might need its own dealing with. It''s the killing."


    She kept stroking, her voice gentle. "You did what you had to do."


    "I don''t deserve you."


    She smiled down at me, still stroking my hair. "Of course you do. You deserve me and anyone else who catches your eye. You''re a Hero, the genuine article."


    "I''m a murderer."


    Her hand paused, and then she tugged my hair, painfully. "You. Are. Not. A. Murderer." With her grip on my hair she turned my face to her. "You didn''t even start the battle. They attacked us, you defended. Decisively."


    "But..." She pulled my hair again, shutting me up.


    "Had you not done as you did, Hero Castro would have led our forces onto the field, and without the General or Marshall leading them, she likely would have lost. They''d pulled far more levies onto the field than we realized, because of the ''Holy War''."


    "Heroes save people. They don''t murder them." Still holding my hair, she flicked my forehead again.


    "Again with the ''murder'' thing. You didn''t murder anyone. You killed soldiers on the field of battle. Armed, mostly armored people, who intended to do harm to you and yours."


    "I wasn''t thinking about that at the time." At her raised, questioning eyebrow, I said, "all I could think of was that they''d taken you away from me."


    She blushed and shook her head. "For me, you destroyed an army. Two armies, if what Bill told me is correct."


    "Is everyone in Camden okay?" I realized with a start that while Saffron had ended the fighting here, no one but me had been aware of the attack on Camden Yards.


    She just shook her head, but in an exasperated, affectionate way. "Bill and Angel saw some of what you did. The army that fought here might be a quarter of its former size, and all of that levies, but the army that attacked the Yards? It''s gone."


    "I murdered..." Saffron flicked my forehead again, and I continued, "killed all of them?"


    She shook her head again. "No, but you routed them. From what Bill tells me, they were breaking when you fell upon Oliver Orange, and when they saw you not only defeat a High Priest of Ares, but tear him apart like he was nothing? That routed them completely. They went from a retreating army to a mass of panicked, terrified former soldiers running for their very lives in that instant."


    My eyes started watering. "I shouldn''t have killed so many of them." She stroked my hair some more, and I sighed. "Okay, fuck the Oranges, and fuck their Heroes, hiding behind the cannon fodder looking for the easy win, but I shouldn''t have killed the common troops."


    She sighed at that point. "Maybe you could have stopped the battle without doing so. Maybe you couldn''t have. The New Amsterdam troops had already been ordered to attack our army, our walls, and without orders? Armies tend to keep doing whatever they were ordered to until enough of them die to break them. That might not have happened at all here, and it certainly wouldn''t have happened in the Yards. Armies without orders who take a City? Tend towards pillaging and raping whatever they can find, and setting fire to whatever and whoever is left. Honestly, armies with commanders like Oliver often do that anyway. But you, and you alone, stopped all that." She stopped and held my face in both her hands, then leaned down to kiss me. When she came back up for air, she said, "I''ve been waiting to do that for nearly a day. If you absolutely must insist that ''Heroes save people'', then count yourself as having saved every soldier in our army, and every person in Camden Yards, because none of either group would have lived out the day unscathed without you doing what you did, how you did it."


    "But..." I trailed off, because I couldn''t think of anything she hadn''t come up with an answer for.


    "Ultimately, you''re responsible for Marshall duBois and General Lancaster being alive, so you saved both of them, and you saved Hero Potami, and you saved me."


    "Am I a bad person because the only one of those that I feel at all good about here," I tapped my chest, "is you?"


    She smiled, laughed, and shook her head. "No, Goof. That doesn''t make you a villain. That just makes you, you."


    A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    "And I''m not a Villain?"


    She laughed and shook her head again. "NO, Goof. You are not a Villain. Just a woman who will do whatever it takes to keep her loved ones safe. And one who, failing that, will see them avenged. Which, in itself, makes them that much less likely to be targeted. Tell me; if you had seen me alive immediately after that big hunk of rock killed you, would you have still done what you did?"


    I thought about it for a second, then answered, "No?"


    "There you are then. Someone killed you through treachery, you thought they killed four other people, one of them your spouse, and you sought vengeance. That is not the action of a Villain."


    "It''s not?"


    "No." She leaned down, kissed me thoroughly, and when she pulled back a fraction of an inch for air, she breathed, "not that I would leave you, even if you were."


    I heaved a sigh. "So how do I know you''re not just telling me what I want to hear?"


    She shook her head, smiled, said, "now you don''t trust me?" then kissed me before I could reply. When she pulled away, she finished with, "I would convince you more thoroughly, but tent flaps are notoriously unlockable."


    As she said that, someone knocked on the tent pole through the fabric, followed by Marshall duBois asking "Aetos? Is Diaz awake yet?"


    She looked down at me, and I nodded, pushing myself up out of her lap as I did. When I''d got myself upright and next to her, she called out, "Yes, Marshall. She just woke up a short while ago."


    He pushed his way through the tent flap, followed by General Lancaster. "Would have been nice to know then."


    "I wanted to make sure she was awake and coherent enough for the debrief," Saffron replied.


    The General nodded, "that''s more than fair. No point wasting our time coming to talk to someone suffering severe Spell Shock."


    DuBois shrugged, chuckled, and said, "you mean like we''ve done with every ''Damn Hero we''ve managed to catch?"


    "Point." The General turned back to me, "Cadet Diaz, are you ready to be debriefed regarding the battle yesterday?"


    I shrugged and tossed my head. "As ready as I''m likely to be any time soon."


    "Excellent. Report."


    I thought about it for a couple seconds while Saffron and I pushed ourselves to our feet; just before Lancaster spoke, I started. "I was scrying on my wife as part of my Devotional Duties to my Patron. I saw a large projectile heading toward the negotiation site and Co-Located myself to warn her. After the impact of the projectile, I believed her and the Grand Army''s command staff to be dead, and I saw attackers coming from the gates of Newark and the woods north of Camden Yards. I engaged the enemy. I destroyed their siege engine as they were loading it. From that point on I preferentially targeted their Heroes until I found members of their command staff I remembered from," I paused for a breath, hoping they didn''t think it was me scrambling for an excuse to know what Saffron saw in the previous meeting. "Scrying on Saffron''s last meeting with them. I engaged and neutralized their command staff. Before I could continue any further, Saffron returned to the battlefield, kicked two breaches in the enemy''s walls, and called for them to surrender. I engaged all remaining hostile forces and neutralized them." I paused again, then shrugged. "That''s about it."


    Lancaster looked a little sour, but the Marshall poker face broke down a half second after I''d finished, and he laughed until he collapsed into one of the chairs in the room. It might have had a chance if he''d just sat down, but it fell apart under the impact, spilling him onto the floor, which he apparently found even more hilarious, since he laughed even harder for a bit. When he finally stopped, wheezing, he held a hand up to General Lancaster. "Oh, come on, Leonard. You can''t tell me that''s not one of the best ''I just did the bare minimum required of me, sir'' understated debriefs you''ve ever heard."


    Lancaster just stared at his hand for a full five count before reaching down and helping the Marshall up. "Be that as it may, it does leave several questions."


    I shrugged. "Ask away, Sir."


    Credit where it''s due, he took a moment to sort out his questions before beginning. "Scrying on your wife is part of your Devotional Duties to Loki?"


    Marshall duBois nudged the General with an elbow, "c''mon, Leonard. Don''t tell me you''ve forgotten Loki was originally a God of Home and Hearth? My Patron''s from another Pantheon and even I know that."


    Lancaster rolled his eyes. "I did not forget, William. I simply wished confirmation of what she''d told us."


    "It is sometimes, Sir. I suspect he uses the times I''m worried about her to work on my scrying skills. But he has directly supervised me on each occasion I''ve done so."


    Lancaster sucked at his teeth a bit, clearly still annoyed at the Marshall, but only said, "fair enough. Gods will be Gods. You saw enough of New Amsterdam''s leadership to recognize them during a battle?"


    "I''ve always had a good eye for faces, Sir."


    "Apparently so. You used the word ''neutralized'' instead of ''killed''. Why?"


    "With the exception of Octavio and Oliver, I didn''t stick around to be sure I''d killed anyone; I struck once, hard enough to injure someone badly enough to take them out of combat, then moved on."


    The Marshall cut in with, "how did you know they were out of combat?"


    "I assumed if they''d had a limb removed, suffered similar levels of damage to the torso, or they''d been decapitated they were injured badly enough. I was both angry and busy at the time."


    Lancaster resumed control of the debrief, muttering, "I''d assume decapitation would take someone out of the combat as well." Then he asked, "That brings me to my next question; how are you still alive? The vision of the tent ceiling turning your head to so much mush is probably permanently seared into my mind."


    "I''d like to know that one as well, Cadet," added the Marshall.


    "Co-Location, Sir." To demonstrate, I Co-Located to Saffron''s far side. Immediately I stumbled into Saffron; I got a feedback whine, and my vision tunneled a little, but worse than both something felt injured. Whatever part of me I used to Co-Locate wasn''t broken, but apparently I''d stressed it pretty bad under the influence of rage-driven adrenaline. "Sorry, Sirs." I muttered as I grit my teeth and pushed myself back upright. "Still not quite recovered from the battle."


    The Marshall asked, "you were Co-Located, one of you died, and the other one jumped straight into a mothering great battle? I''m not surprised you''re still not recovered. Hell, I''m surprised you''re still alive, really."


    "It hurt, but it wasn''t my biggest concern at the time."


    The General had apparently let duBois, who obviously knew more about Co-Location and Translocation, take over the debrief for the moment. "Cadet, I''ve been injured while Co-Locating. You feel all of it, even if the injuries don''t show up on your other self. Are you telling me the other you felt yourself dying and you kept moving?"


    "Other selves, Sir. Seven of me were on Camden Yard''s north wall."


    He mouthed the word, ''seven'', then said, "still, you felt yourself die and kept fighting?"


    I shrugged, "after the first time it wasn''t so bad."


    "The first time?"


    I shrugged again. "One of me died when I destroyed their big catapult, a few of me died neutralizing their heroes. Two of me died neutralizing Oliver. But by then there were more of me to spread the load around, as it were."


    "More of you. How many?"


    I tilted my head as I thought about it, mentally calculating powers of two. "I''m not sure, sir? More than a thousand, less than two thousand forty-eight." The Marshall looked like he''d just swallowed something down the wrong pipe. He didn''t say anything, but he had the same look on his face as Doc Roberts had when he''d said, ''what the hell are you?'', but he at least had the class not to ask that particular question. Or maybe he was in too much shock to speak. I put on my best conciliatory look and said, "if it makes a difference, I think that I went past my safe limit as regards Co-Location. I''ll probably need a little time to heal."


    He stopped gasping, sucked in a breath, and then said, "time to heal. You injure your Soul and you need ''time to heal''?"


    I shrugged again, "that''s what Sister Siobhan said happened to my arm, and it healed."


    While the Marshall stood there, mouth working like he didn''t know what to say, General Lancaster half turned to him and said, "you told me she was the most dangerous single combatant in the Academy. I based a great deal of my strategy and tactics on that fact. Yet now that she''s proven you right beyond your wildest dreams, you''re surprised?"


    The Marshall looked at Lancaster, coincidentally looking away from me, and said, "yes, I am surprised that she''s not just terrifyingly good at hand to hand combat, but can both Translocate strategic distances and Co-Locate several hundred times more than any other known practitioner of the art. The former would make her a formidable battle asset. The latter makes her a one woman army. The two combined make her the single most powerful military force in Atlantis." He shook himself, took a deep breath, then a wry grin stretched across his face. "Y''know, McCrae always said he hoped I had a Cadet that scared me as much as I did him. Guess I do." He pursed his lips. "How did you intend to use her strategically or tactically if she wasn''t even in the Army?"


    The General shrugged. "I suspected that Cadet Diaz would enter battle unprompted should Cadet Aetos be threatened, so I put her in position to be threatened, with the rest of my forces poised to fall upon the enemy if they took the bait."


    My blood ran cold, and words slipped out of both my mouths before I could stop myself. "You used Saffron as BAIT?"


    Lenny Lancaster might be the biggest asshole in history, but the steel rod shoved up his ass didn''t wilt at all as he met my eyes, glancing back and forth to catch all four of them. "No, Cadet Diaz. I used myself as bait, and positioned Cadet Aetos near me. Generals do not normally, as a rule, engage in direct combat, our Marshall''s hijinks aside."


    I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and stepped back to being one of myself. "I see."


    "Beyond any moral, ethical, or even professional considerations about putting a Cadet in danger or using the Commander of an Army as bait, one consideration overrules all that."


    I cocked my head, still not sanguine about Saffron being deliberately put in danger, but asked, "what''s that?"


    "It worked." I stood there, mouth working, listening to Saffron giggle a little bit beside me, until Lancaster continued. "We defeated not one but two armies, all without a single casualty." He paused, considering, before continuing. "Actually, if you sustained an injury which makes you less combat capable than you were, I suppose you count as a non-lethal combat casualty. That''s still thousands to one. Possibly tens of thousands. You definitely saved tens of thousands of civilians, along with thousands of Volunteers and Heroes. While I''m sure you''re not pleased with the methods or being the sole casualty, you must admit those are excellent final ratios." He paused again while I gaped, and he turned to the Marshall. "Would you and I count as casualties? We were killed, but returned to combat capability before the end of the battle."


    The Marshall sucked his teeth, then drawled out, "we were stuck Underhill until well after the battle ended. I think that counts. That''s what, three to thirty three thousand or so? Still fuckin'' impressive."


    I shook my head and, before I thought better of it, asked, "so what''s going to happen to New Amsterdam and Newark now?"


    "That is for the Council Members to decide, and the leadership of New Amsterdam to accept. Of course, there''s no point in putting forth any kind of treaty until we''ve met with the leadership of the Cities in question, and no one seems eager to step forward to take on that role."


    "What about Octavio and Oliver?"


    Lancaster''s head pivoted around to stare at me. "Didn''t you say you''d neutralized them?"


    I shrugged. "Yeah. Didn''t kill ''em. Just neutralized ''em. Neutralized Oliver especially hard."


    "Then where are they?"


    I said, "gimme just a second?" and when neither of them said anything, stepped to the top of the tower where I''d left the two of them. Both of them still lay there. I mean, Oliver lay there, Octavio still dangled from the hook I''d left him on. I guess it''s hard to move without, y''know, arms or legs. Or hands or feet or eyes in Oliver''s case. I hefted Octavio off his hook, my muscles complaining about overuse, grabbed Oliver by the collar, and stepped back to the strategy tent, where I dropped them, then stepped over to drape an arm over Saffron. I wasn''t about to tell them this, but the trip back strained whatever part of me I used to Translocate, at least a little bit. "There you go. New Amsterdam''s leaders, neutralized and ready for whatever."


    I watched as the General and the Marshall both took a second to register what they were looking at. Oliver had heard me and was thrashing and moaning a bit, but couldn''t seem to function effectively without hands or feet or sight. Octavio just wept. Both of them showed clear signs of frostbite on their exposed bits. Lancaster was the first to recover. "I... see. Neutralized indeed."


    "Ayep. I know I just woke up and all, but I''d really like to get back on a daytime schedule; do you mind if Saffron and I step back to the Academy and get some rest, if we''re both back here first thing in the morning?"


    Lancaster was still staring as he said, "you might as well have breakfast before returning; I doubt we''ll need you before mid-morning, at the earliest."


    Let me, love.


    Okay.


    With that, I found myself surrounded by fuzzy darkness; everywhere it touched my body felt weird. Energized, almost like I expected my hair to be standing on end from static electricity. Saffron bent over, stood up, and then we were back in our cell at the Academy, Vulcan''s case dangling from Saffron''s other hand. She guided me over to the bed, then put Vulcan back in his place beside Isnomi''s toddler bed, carefully propping his case open with a pair of bolts and stroking him once, murmuring, "good work," before turning back to me and sashaying over.


    I wasn''t quite as completely exhausted as I''d previously believed, but I certainly fell asleep pretty fuckin'' quick afterward.

 Day One Hundred And Sixty Four

    Dear Diary,


    Why is it that my most off-the-wall, out-of-nowhere suggestions get taken up and treated like some kind of divine directives?


    Oh. Right.


    So slept through the night last night. Same dream, lying along the lakeshore, spread out and vibing like I used to do when the gym coaches used to make us walk the track as many times as we could. That kind of ''little bit winded, little bit achy, little bit tired, might have hurt myself, but here and now I''m just gonna vibe''. Given my condition when I fell asleep, totally understandable. Some of the new psychedelic tadpoles sputtered out a bit, but there were still plenty of them wandering around. Looking for the lake, I guess. I squirmed around a little, but couldn''t really lay eyes on any of them. One or two of the ones in the water glowed a little.


    Woke up to warm bodies snuggled all around me. Arms and legs intertwined, the menace squished in between Saffron and I, purring gently as she slept. I lay there just soaking in the happy brain chemicals from being surrounded by loved ones. It didn''t even bother me that Isnomi had gone furry. Not like anyone could just barge in here and see her under the blankets. Okay, if anyone barged in here and ripped the blankets off of us, they were gonna have way bigger problems than realizing that Isnomi was fuzzy.


    Of course, somebody chose that exact moment to knock on the door.


    "The fuck?" I muttered.


    Before I could move, Marie got out from under the blankets and stepped to the door. Leaning around it so whoever stood outside could only see her face, she opened the door and said, "What?"


    I heard a woman speaking outside the room, but between being half awake and surrounded by purring family, I couldn''t quite recognize it or make out what she said. Marie closed the door to only a crack, looked at me and said, "Siobhan."


    I groaned, spent half a moment thinking about just having Marie tell her to fuck off, but so far she''d been nothing but helpful to me. Hell, if my suspicion about Mimic worshippers making me heal faster was in any way true, I really ought to do what I could to foster that. I sighed, Translocated to the middle of the room, landed on my feet, and did the auto-clothing thing to get my uniform on. I couldn''t see Sister Siobhan coming to me before breakfast unless there was an emergency. I stepped up to the door, nodding to let Marie know she could go back to bed, opened the door and slipped out.


    "What is it?"


    My whole front tingled as she looked up into my eyes and said, "Cadet Lancaster. He''s injured himself beyond my capacity to Heal, and Doctor DeLeon says that if he doesn''t receive Healing, the wounds he''s caused will kill him."


    I heaved a big sigh, took her hand, and stepped to the Men''s Infirmary. That stung a little, but nothing so bad as I experienced hauling Oliver and Octavio back to the command tent. Then again, Translocation was easier than Co-Location, so maybe that''s why it hurt less. Doctor DeLeon looked up at our arrival. "Thank you for coming so quickly." He stepped back from the bed he''d been standing beside. Lancaster lay on the cot, a line of blood leaking from his mouth, a smear near his nose showing he''d done so from there before someone wiped it away.


    "What the fuck happened to him?"


    "Per my orders, he''d been resting on the cot, but after a bit when I went to check on another Cadet, he got out of bed and was trying to dress himself. He collapsed, coughing. He kept coughing until he nearly suffocated. Both the Sister and I used Heal Injury, but both were insufficient to treat the injuries to his lungs. Every time he heals enough, he starts coughing again."


    Memories of my past life came rushing back. "Oh. Shit." I turned to Sister Siobhan. "Do you have any Spells to cure diseases?"


    She nodded. I looked at Doctor DeLeon and said, "please look away until I tell you?"


    "Whatever you''re doing, do it fast."


    I nodded, then when he turned around, took Sister Siobhan by her shoulders.


    I pushed my focus into MIMIC (Skill), then checked my Status. This time I''d gotten lucky.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(52, 73, 94, 1)" width="45%">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    NAME


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Tabitha Diaz


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Hybrid


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    HYBRID


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Bag (31.25%) / Dan (25%) / Human (37.5%) / Vanir (6.25%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Juvenile (<REDACTED>)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ATTRIBUTES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    STRENGTH


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGILITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ENDURANCE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    9


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    REASON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    3


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    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MEMORY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PERSONALITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    5


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AFFINITIES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Water (18.75%), Air (9.375%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PATRON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Loki


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    CQC


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MANA SHAPING


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    6


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    HEAL INJURY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    HEALING COMA


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    REVIVE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td>


    CURE DISEASE


    </td>


    <td>


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACIAL SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    None


    </td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    She just stared up at me, her eyes fluttering closed. I sighed. "Sister Siobhan?"


    "Yes, Tabitha?" she replied breathlessly.


    "Is Cure Disease anything like Heal Injury? Does the amount of Mana you pour into it matter?"


    She blinked, then said, "in theory, yes, but the base cost of casting it is so high that I''ve only a small amount left to add."


    I turned to Doc DeLeon. "What about you?"


    He turned back to face us, slight amusement coloring his features when he saw my hands on Sister Siobhan''s shoulders. As I dropped them he said, "I''ve got somewhat more Mana than the Sister. Mostly due to being older and having a wider selection of Spells and Skills that require it, including a few that don''t require someone to be injured or ill to use." After Sister Siobhan shrugged, he said, "But I can, at best, double the base amount required."


    I sighed. "Do either of you know what a face mask looks like? Something you''d put over your mouth and nose to avoid breathing in smoke or something?"


    Love what you''re reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on.


    Sister Siobhan looked at me with complete incomprehension, but Doc DeLeon shrugged, "I''ve seen men use those when fighting a fire."


    "Get the Maids to sew up a bunch of them. Anybody who comes in here for any reason needs to wear one, and keep wearing it once they''re out of the Infirmary."


    Sister Siobhan said, "of course, Tabitha," and headed for the door. I grabbed her arm. "Wait just a bit."


    Doc DeLeon looked at me and said, "why?"


    I replied, "I''ve seen a disease like this before. It spreads to those around when an infected person coughs. It takes weeks for them to feel really sick, and long before they feel bad, they''re already coughing out, uh, ''bad air'' that will contaminate others."


    Sister Siobhan clapped her hands over her mouth, and I sighed. "Wait here." I stepped over to Lancaster''s bed, popped out an opaque Mana Ward, then, much like I''d done with Angel and Bill, drew Mana. Drawing as much as I had before hurt, but I didn''t have time for that right now. I poured it into the Shape, laid my hand on Lancaster, and released it into him. Almost immediately he started coughing, and I rolled him over so his head hung over the edge of the bed and shoved the pillow under his hips. He coughed harder, and phlegm poured out of his mouth. He coughed, and coughed, and coughed, and the phlegm turned pink. I dropped a normal Heal Injury into him. He kept coughing, the phlegm back to normal.


    "Tabitha? Is everything okay?"


    "As good as it can be. Please don''t go anywhere."


    Twice more he coughed so hard I heard something crack and the phlegm pouring out of him turned pink. Each time I dropped a Treat Injury into him and it cleared. Finally he stopped coughing, just breathing kind of hoarsely. I rolled him back over onto the bed, yanked up one of the sheets, and covered the phlegm with it. I didn''t know if it was infectious or not, but I wasn''t taking any chances.


    I dropped the Mana Ward and saw Sister Siobhan and Doc DeLeon both shaping; I recognized it as the same Spell I''d just Cured Lancaster with. Doc DeLeon half turned his head to me and said, "I wouldn''t have thought to check either of us. Both of us were infected." After releasing Cure Disease into Sister Siobhan, he popped off an Assess Health, and then let out a relieved sigh. "No longer ''diseased''. He turned to me, holding his hands in the starting position for Assess Health. "Do you mind?"


    I shook my head and he Assessed me, then frowned. "Some of this looks odd, but you are diseased as well. May I?" He held up his hands in the start position for Cure Disease just as Sister Siobhan released hers on him.


    I said, "hit me with your best shot."


    He smiled, Shaped the spell again, and let me have it. It felt kind of like eucalyptus smells, and afterward when he put out an Assess Health, he sighed. "It looks like we''ve managed to head this plague off at the source."


    I shook my head. "Hopefully, yeah, but anybody who''s come in contact with Lancaster over the past couple weeks ought to be checked. In the meanwhile, cloth breathing masks. They don''t protect the person wearing them much, but the filter out the bad air someone infected breathes out." They both nodded. I really hoped they''d take me seriously. "I''m going to go get breakfast." When they nodded again, I stepped back to our room and, without further ado, dropped a mega-boosted Cure Disease on each of my family.


    "What''s that for?" asked Saffron, who''d woken to nurse Isnomi while I was out.


    "Apparently Lancaster had some kind of plague. I was infected and didn''t know it. Better safe than sorry."


    Saffron whipped her hands through Assess Health, pointed first at Isnomi, then another at Marie, then finally at herself. She let out a relieved sigh much like Doc DeLeon''s. "Well, if we were, we''re not any longer."


    "Good. Who''s up for breakfast?"


    Saffron handed me Isnomi, who grumbled a little but let Marie and I dress her while Saffron got dressed. Once we''d all gotten ourselves together, I looked at Marie. "After Breakfast?"


    She nodded and said, "Yes."


    I took Saffron''s hand and we strolled down to breakfast together, taking our time with it. She groused about the Army rations while we walked. I just enjoyed letting her voice flow over me, Isnomi a comforting weight sleeping on my arms. When we got to the Dining Hall, the smell of food roused her, and both she and Saffron rivaled my apocalyptic nomming. I had a disadvantage, since Isnomi chose to sit in my lap to eat, which meant that I had to reach around her to get to the food, and half of the time she lunged up to bite the food out of my hands before it could get to my mouth. Guess I really did love the little menace, since I let her eat my food despite being hungry my own self.


    The rest of the ROTC table plied her with questions and welcomed her back, but she just shook her head and, between sausages, said, "We''ve got to head back as soon as we''re done eating. But it looks like the fighting is over."


    It took me until the end of breakfast to realize, but while they both chatted with Saffron about what deployed life was like, neither of them said anything to me. Angel even tried not to look at me, her gaze snapping directly from Bill to Saffron and back. On one hand, that kinda hurt. On the other hand, they''d seen the edges of what I''d done to the ''Damn army.


    As we got up to go, Raven asked, "what are you guys doing for Yule?"


    I blinked. "is it that time already?"


    She laughed, as did Saffron. "It''s tomorrow, Goof."


    A thought came to me, and before it could get away, I asked Saffron, "do you want to do something with just family tomorrow?"


    She smiled and nodded. "Sure! But we''ll have to finish our part up today."


    "Don''t you think they''ll all take a break for Yule?"


    She nodded again. "You''re right, they might. We ought to get going now, though." She pointed over my shoulder; when I turned, Marie had wheeled her cart right up behind me. I handed her the menace, who grabbed two fistfuls of sausage as a parting gift, then stood up for hugs and kisses. Saffron came around the table and did the same, then took my hand and stepped to Lancaster''s big pavilion with me.


    Lancaster, duBois, Potami and Castro already stood around the strategy table, which was covered with sheets of paper; a stack of blanks, a stack of torn sheets with scribbles on them, and one sheet lying between them, with Lancaster leaning over it like he''d been writing. "Reporting as ordered, Sirs."


    "Excellent. Now perhaps we can get something done." Lancaster turned to us, and with that I saw the pair on the chairs beyond them; Octavio and Oliver seated and more or less tied in place. The latter stared daggers at me; someone had Healed his eyes. Neither of them looked happy to see me.


    "So you''ve chosen to intimidate us into accepting whatever terms you dictate?" Oliver sounded way less frightened than he did on the day of the battle. Then again, I wasn''t covered in blood with Mana Blades spouting everywhere.


    "I asked them to be here because not only are they the two who secured victory over your army, they also represent two Gods not otherwise represented here."


    "What Gods would those be, who lay my City so low?"


    I smiled my friendliest smile, gave him a jaunty salute, and said, "Champion and High Priestess of Loki. Octavio Orange, I presume?"


    He nodded, and Saffron stepped forward, frowning at Oliver as she said, "High Priestess of Mimic."


    Castro''s head spun at that, first to Saffron, then to duBois. He shrugged and shook his head minutely.


    "So, what seems to be the holdup? They lost, we won, war''s over, right?"


    Lancaster shook his head as Octavio spluttered and Oliver grunted something incomprehensible. "I keep forgetting how young you are. We''re in a position to dictate terms, yes, but should we push too hard, we''re just setting up another war for our sons to fight. I for one would prefer not to do that."


    Octavio finally found his voice. "Well said, Lancaster. The people of New Amsterdam will not tolerate being a client state. Not for long, anyhow. We refuse to wind up like Newark."


    I shrugged and said, "Okay."


    Everyone in the room turned to look at me. No idea why, but I followed up with, "let''s face it, guys. Camden Yards is practically part of Phileo at this point, but there''s still a lot of resentment, some of it justified. I''m sure Newark pretty much feels the same way."


    Oliver grunted a bunch at that, glaring murder at me. Octavio said, "the citizens of Newark appreciate our defense of their inferior City!"


    I just gave the rest the look I''d seen so often, as if to say, ''really?'', then pointed at Octavio. "That pretty much tells a story right there, doesn''t it."


    "Then what would you propose?"


    "You mean you''re really asking me?"


    Lancaster shrugged. "You have the power to enforce your will on them, as you''ve shown. Any suggestion coming from you is likely to have a touch more weight than any of us."


    Octavio just grunted agreement, while I think Oliver was almost ready to foam at the mouth. I said, "Okay, gimme a minute to think." They all stared at me as I desperately cudgeled my brain to come up with some kind of solution that would, I dunno, piss everyone off equally. With that, the answer came to me, at least in terms of broad strokes.


    "Okay. Octavio, your problem is that New Amsterdam doesn''t want to be a client state any more than Newark or Camden Yards." At his grunted, grudging agreement, I turned to the General, "and our problem is that we don''t want to wind up fighting another war however many years down the road."


    The Marshall answered, "that''s just about the size of it."


    My best con-man patter voice on, I said, "okay, so we need something where nobody resents it enough to decide to build up an army. At the same time, I''m guessing that our neighbors won''t be real sanguine about four Cities with some kind of lasting peace agreement, so we''re gonna all four still need an army then, right?"


    Lancaster rolled his eyes and drolly said, "had I not just said most of that, and spoken to you a few weeks ago about our other potential enemies, I would say you were a political genius. As it is, I can''t say I disagree with my own points, can I?"


    I grinned at him, "I''m sure you could spin it. You might be Phileo''s best General, but I kinda think you''re a better politician than General."


    He nodded acceptance of the compliment. "Thank you, but were you going somewhere with this?"


    I shrugged. "Yeah. The cities around Reme have some kind of informal union going on, right?" Lancaster frowned, but I could tell he was already catching up with my idea. "So we do something like that, just a little more formalized. Treaties and everything. One army for all four Cities. A Council with one representative from each City. Since there are four Cities and we don''t want things coming to a deadlock, one," I cudgeled my brain to get it to spit out the word I was looking for, "Imperator to break any ties and to be the military leader of the alliance."


    "You would have us suborn ourselves after such a stunning victory?" Lancaster didn''t sound as mad as his words made it seem, but he wasn''t the sort to let power slip away from him.


    I shook my head. "Nobody''s subordinate to anybody else. Hell, it doesn''t even rock the boat all that much. I mean, yeah, Camden Yards and Newark are gonna get a say in things, but let''s be honest. Why was your army twice the size you expected it to be, General?"


    Lancaster just shook his head and stared at me as if I''d suddenly spouted gibberish. Or, really, like my normal stream of consciousness had suddenly started making sense. "Because you recruited from Camden Yards."


    I shrugged again. "Not just me. She did plenty," I nodded toward Saffron. "The other Camden Yards Cadets did a bunch too. It was, and let me be clear, this is what I''m talking about, a team effort. None of us tried to outdo the others, we all pitched in and got shit done. Camden Yards and Phileo working together put out an army which, and I know you know the truth of it, Octavio, would have kicked your ass thoroughly in any kind of field engagement, which is why you tried for the siege and sneak attack. Am I right?"


    "Had you not been here, my son''s plan would have worked perfectly!"


    "Whatever. With or without me, the Grand Army would have beat you unless you got really clever. Which I''ll admit, you kind of did, but let''s not get too wrapped up in might-have-beens. Can you field anything like those armies you put out again any time soon?"


    "No." Octavio spat out.


    "So with this? All four Cities have a bigger army defending them than any of us could manage on our own. More importantly," I raked my gaze across the General, the Marshall, and the Heroes, "nobody has to worry about a nearby neighbor going to war with them."


    They all thought about that for a bit. I let them stew, one hand reaching out to interlace my fingers with Saffron''s.


    That''s a brilliant bit of political engineering, Goof.


    Yeah, I was cribbing a shit ton of it. I shot her an image of the ''United States of America'' map, some shots of Congress I''d seen on CNN, and another map with a sort of recognizable picture of Phileo and Camden Yards highlighted on the USA Map.


    Just because you got the idea from elsewhere doesn''t make it any less brilliant. Goof.


    Lancaster looked at me. "I''m assuming you want to represent Camden Yards?"


    I shook my head. "Nope. I''m thinking Mr. or Mrs. Driver. Everybody there knows and respects them. We can have some kind of formal election later, but they''re probably a shoe in anyway."


    He nodded, getting a faraway look for a moment. "Excellent suggestion. For Phileo then?"


    "I figured you''d want that for yourself."


    When I said that, the Marshall barked out, "hey! I thought you''d prefer me?"


    I smiled at him. "Yeah, but I think Leonard here would win any Council vote on it. Besides, do you want more politics in your job? I''m sure within days you''d be buried to the neck in paperwork."


    He choked down a laugh. "Okay, yeah, you''re right, Leonard would be way better at that than me."


    Before anybody else could say anything, I turned to the Oranges. "For purposes of today''s meeting, I''m guessing you''d be best to represent New Amsterdam, Octavio?"


    He frowned at me. "As I am now? Hardly. My daughter Ophelia can fill the role though. You put paid to my last remaining son representing us."


    "Consider that your penalty for being an asshole and throwing rocks when you live in a smashable house."


    He winced, then asked, "what of Newark?"


    "Are any of your Heroes originally from Newark? Or have you got any Newark citizens who have enough influence with their peers, like the Drivers?"


    He rocked his head back and forth, the closest he could come to shrugging with what remained of his shoulders. "I sincerely doubt any of our remaining Heroes are from Newark, or are even qualified to sit on this Council you''re proposing."


    "Fuck it then." I turned to the rest of the Phileo contingent, "can we send somebody into Newark and just, I dunno, call for a volunteer? They can elect somebody for permanent later, but for right now, I think it''s a better idea to get some random from Newark than anybody from Phileo, or New Amsterdam, or even Camden Yards. Hell, maybe the Drivers can coach them a little. Newark and Camden Yards have a lot in common."


    Hero Potami gave me a tight lipped smile, nodded, and said, "I''ll be back."


    The Marshall looked at Hero Castro and said, "pull together an escort, take Octavio with you, and retrieve his daughter."


    Hero Castro nodded, "on it sir." She headed out of the tent as well.


    Lancaster looked at me, his look a little sour. "So I''m assuming you intend to fulfill the role of ''Imperator''?"


    Despite the sudden fluttering in my nethers, I stayed strong and shook my head. "Nope." I tossed my head sideways. "That''s her job."


    I swear, all the pain, the blood, the tears, and the stress?


    Totally worth it for the look on Saffron''s face.

 Day One Hundred And Sixty Five

    Dear Diary,


    Happy Yule! Nobody around here celebrates Christmas, at least not that I''ve seen, but everybody seems to get into the whole ''Yule'' thing. It''s a little weird how many of the decorations I think of as ''Christmas decorations'', y''know, aren''t.


    Yesterday after throwing Saffron under the political bus, things got really boring really fast, so I snagged Marshall duBois, said, "Can I ask you something outside, in private-ish?" Then I thought, call me if you need me; this is getting way too stuffy for my brain.


    She smiled at me and replied, okay, Goof, but remember the rules if you Just Happen to him.


    I made a face. Ew, no, he''s way too old.


    She stifled a laugh and said, but he won''t be when he''s years older?


    Exactly!


    She just shook her head infinitesimally and thought, Such a Goof thing to say. Okay, I''ll call you if I need you. Have fun taking Marshall duBois for walkies.


    By that point the Marshall and I were outside the tent. Outside I saw the tent had been pitched right next to that huge chunk of rock they''d flung at us. Sort of a reminder about who had been the one to fuck around, just in case someone got pissy about the lot of them finding out. I headed toward the tree line with the Marshall walking next to me. "What did you want to ask me about?"


    I''d almost forgotten my excuse for rescuing him from the meeting. "Eh, I mostly thought you were looking a little overwhelmed, so I decided to rescue you. I did want to ask you about Yule, though."


    He got a thoughtful look. "Thanks for the rescue then. I can do politics when I have to, or I wouldn''t be Marshall, but I''m not at all fond of it. You''re right, we ought to set something up for the troops."


    "Like, what kind of something were you thinking?"


    He shrugged. "Presents are a bit hard to come by on a battlefield, festive ones, at least. I''m sure we could cut down a tree and set it in front of the command tent. Might not have a whole lot to decorate it with, but it''s the spirit of the thing. We''ve got plenty of supplies, more than I''d really want to carry back, in any case. But some liquor and something that isn''t dried into hard tack would improve that a lot. I guess we could commandeer some stuff from the locals. From what I saw Leonard has been really careful about paying for anything he takes, but that goodwill might have gone away what with you executing so many of them."


    I shook my head, "that doesn''t mean we should stop that."


    He nodded. "You''re right." He turned to look at me, as we''d just gotten under the pines. "Can you really Translocate from here to Phileo?"


    I shrugged, "I can get from here to wherever Loki''s cave is, and I''m guessing that''s further."


    He just stared at me for a little bit. His mouth going but nothing coming out. "Well. That does explain things. Can I get you to do something for me, then?"


    "Sure."


    "In the bottom drawer of my desk in my office there''s a big heavy sack. Can you bring that back here for me?"


    "Be right back." I stepped to his office; something twinged like it did not like that, but I slid the Marshall''s drawer open, having to really tug at it to make that happen, then pulled the big sack that filled most of the drawer out. It clinked as I shifted it, and I wouldn''t have been able to carry it if I hadn''t spent the last four months training. I stepped back to the Marshall, and the part of me that had bitched before insisted to speak to the manager, but I ignored it and held out the sack.


    The Marshall took it with a low whistle. "I believed you, but it''s something else to see you do that so effortlessly."


    I stretched a little, rubbed my hands on my jacket sleeves. It was still fuckin cold as a witches tit, although the trees did cut the wind quite a bit. "Not quite effortlessly. Think I pushed past what I should have yesterday."


    "Lass, I can maintain two of me, three if it''s for a really short time and one of them doesn''t need to do much. I can Translocate a mile at best, and I''ll probably need a sit down soon after. You''ve got a gift for it."


    I shrugged. "Maybe my Patron is helping me out?"


    Only by showing you how to do it right, Tabitha Diaz.


    Really?


    Really.


    "Could be. Still hard to fathom anything short of Loki himself hopping from here to Europa and back." We came across a tree whose branches started maybe six feet up, but above that it had an almost perfect Christmas tree shape. The Marshall ducked a little, walked over to it, and thumped it. Snow cascaded down around him, and he shook himself to clear off the stuff that had landed on him. "This is where we both say ''oops, we forgot to bring an axe''."


    I grinned at him, waved him aside, popped out a Mana Blade and sliced a wedge out of the far side of the tree from us, right down near the base. It popped and crackled as I did, the sap boiling away where the Mana Blade touched it. A good swift side kick as high as I could reach, and it slowly toppled over in the direction of the cut I''d made. "There you go. One tree, felled and ready to come back to camp."


    "Nice. I figure we can use the bottom few feet as a Yule log, too. Did you bring something to carry it with?"


    I rolled my eyes at him, he laughed, crouched down, and lifted the end of the log. "Well, c''mon, let''s get this back to camp." He did that with his big money bag hung over the very end of the tree, too. I''d call him a showoff, but I''d just cut down a fully grown pine tree in like ten seconds, without a chainsaw.


    It took us like half an hour of hauling to get it to the tree line, but once we did some soldiers saw us and ran over. By the time we hit the cleared area in front of the command tent, several squads had joined in, and it was almost a parade that eventually arrived. About half of the soldiers who came to us asked for and received permission to go bring back firewood and trees from the forest. I lopped off the bottom four feet or so of the tree, then helped with digging out a hole to put the base of the tree in.


    Anybody coming out of the command tent, like Lancaster did to see what the commotion was, had to take a sharp right or left to avoid walking into it, but there was enough clearance to do just that, so I figured it was a good counterbalance to the whole ''big treachery rock'' in terms of imagery for the negotiators to remember. As soon as it was set up, the Marshall nabbed a full unit of Volunteers to head into the city and, at a guess, buy beer and feasting food.


    I slipped back into the tent, where things were kind of wrapping up for the day. Saffron looked around the table and said, "if no one has anything urgent to add, I suggest we stop here for the day. We''ll reconvene the day after Yule; I''ll have everything we''ve discussed written up by then."


    Lancaster said, "I second that. Once we see it all written down together, anything that needs to be fixed should stand out more."


    Ophelia Orange tapped her teeth with a forefinger for a long moment before saying, "I agree. I still see... imperfections, but I can''t think of better solutions. A day of rest would help us all see things more clearly."


    Mr. and Mrs. Driver, who had both come with Saffron to be at the meeting, both nodded agreement. Mrs. Driver squeaked a bit and said, "we''ve got to get back to prepare Drivers'' for Yule!"


    The last member of the council, one George Papadopoulos, who had been the first one to not run when a squad came through asking for someone to speak for Newark, looked a little out of his depth, but asked, "so we meet back here the day after Yule?" Everyone nodded, so he shook hands with the Drivers, then more hesitantly held out a hand to General Lancaster, who shook it solemnly. He looked absolutely terrified holding his hand out to Saffron, but she took it and shook it gently. He snatched it away after like he thought she might tear it off and eat it. Apparently he hadn''t run because he''d more or less been wandering around in shock, as one of the pieces of wall that Saffron kicked out had nearly landed on him. I kinda grokked that feeling, having had one not miss. Finally, he held his hand out to Ophelia, who looked at it like he''d just dropped a turd in his hand and was holding it out for inspection. Eventually, as everyone else stared at her, she reached out and, with forefinger and thumb, took his fingertips in hers and shook. Weird thing, he looked like that was some kind of big concession on her part.


    He was the first to leave, followed by Ophelia Orange, who had a unit of Phileo Volunteers to escort her back to her house. They surrounded the chair she''d arrived in, which was carried by two bearers. It told me a lot that those two guys, who were clearly heavily muscled enough to do some damage on a battlefield, hadn''t been taken as levies.


    Saffron took the Drivers'' hands and all three disappeared. While I waited for her return, Lancaster looked at me and said, "Odin tells me you''ve saved yet another of my sons, this one from death rather than embarrassment. You have my thanks."


    I shrugged. "He''s still got a lot of recovery ahead of him. There''s only so much I could magic away."


    "Still, this means my duty is to find him tutors and perhaps a valet, rather than pall bearers and a coffin. Had I not spoken with you on multiple occasions, I would think you sought to keep me perpetually in your debt."


    I smiled up at him. "Yeah, but we both know I don''t have enough going on up here," I tapped at my temple, "to do anything like that. That would require planning, and discipline, and any kind of thinking about consequences."


    He shook his head, quietly muttering, "another one," but he nodded and smiled. Better politician than general indeed.


    At that point Saffron returned, held out a hand, and said, "ready to go, love?"


    "Just waiting on you, Kitten." I''ll do the first step, k?


    She reached out and took my hand, and I stepped to the forest, where I''d seen another tree not too different from the one the Marshall and I had cut down, although quite a bit smaller. I stepped over to it, lopped it off at the base with a Mana Blade, then tipped it to fall away from us. Once I hefted one end of it up I reached out a hand to Saffron. She looked me in the eye and said, "don''t you think that''s a little big for our room?"


    "Not too big for the cave, though."


    She nodded, understanding. "I look forward with both anticipation and dread at the thought of Grandma meeting Sigyn."


    "You got anybody else who ought to be invited?"


    She shook her head, "no. My surviving cousins all have their own households to celebrate with. Quite a few will be down at the Big Seven. Which, at some point, I think I should approach, now that I think about it."


    This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.


    "So weird."


    She smiled. "I know, right?" Then she stepped us both to the Practice Yard of the school. I leaned the tree against one of the sheds and Mineral Bonded the base to the floor.


    We walked back to our room, where Marie waited for us with the menace. I didn''t know about Marie and Isnomi, but Saffron and I were both still exhausted, so after stripping off our clothes, we just flopped down on the floor and let Marie yank the blankets off the bed for us. The menace actually crawled around the outside adjusting them until nobody had anything sticking out into the cold. Once we were all settled in, I said, "You good with spending tomorrow with us, Marie?"


    "Yes." Her reply was simple, but I heard the emotion in it.


    More vibing on the lakeshore overnight. Woke up a little disoriented and tired, like I''d slept too long or something. I heard the others murmuring before I opened my eyes. When I did, they all turned to look at me and said, "Happy Yule!" The two older ones followed that up with possibly slightly not quite PG-13 kisses, taking turns distracting the menace so she didn''t get too put out by only getting kisses on the cheeks and forehead.


    "So, what have you got planned today, Goof?"


    "I think we''re gonna have to build a hearth and chimney for someone. Some food might be nice, too." I looked to Marie. "Any chance you could score us all something to feast on?"


    "Yes!" She slipped out of the blankets, somehow avoiding sending any gusts of cold wind under the blankets as she did so.


    "You know, normally I enjoy the whole watching you get dressed, helping each other get dressed thing, but today I''m just way too fuckin'' tired and cold."


    Saffron rolled over onto me, displacing Isnomi, who cranked about it, mostly playfully. "So what are you suggesting? Skyclad Solstice? I''ve sometimes thought about doing that for the Summer Solstice, but in Winter?" She shivered melodramatically.


    "Yeah, no. That would turn my nips harder than diamonds in point two seconds. Then they''d fall off or some shit. I was thinking more," I did Loki''s clothing trick to put The Dress on, "like that."


    She laughed, "so that''s going to keep you warm? Brilliant choice." Of course, a moment later she had the dress of Glowing Midnight on. The whole thing, thankfully, because I wasn''t really wanting to go through the whole day with that image eating at my patience. "What about Isnomi?"


    The menace crowed out, "DA-DAH!" and held up her hands to show her fully dressed in her little uniform. Of course, pushing the blankets up like that sucked in a huge waft of freezing air.


    "Gah!" Yeah, I''m really articulate when my nethers feel like they''ve been rubbed with dry ice. I grabbed the blankets and burritoed us all in them.


    "Love, I''m not sure I can quite Translocate like this."


    "Yeah, I think you''re right. It needs at least a little motion, doesn''t it?"


    "Mmrphh!" Isnomi''d got bundled up with us, but apparently didn''t like the snug bindings as much as Saffron or I. I put my arms around Saffron and rolled away from Isnomi, the blanket burrito unrolling as I did. The shock of the cold air woke me up completely.


    "Time to start the day, I guess. Can you collect our sons and make sure they''ll be on their best behavior?"


    "And what will you be doing while I do all that?"


    "Letting him know we''ll be showing up with guests."


    Saffron looked at me a moment, then said, "can you collect Grandma while you''re at it?"


    "Sure." I gave her a quick kiss, scooped up Isnomi, because I saw no reason to handicap Saffron while dealing with The Smith, and headed out the door. On the way to the Infirmary, I thought, hey Boss, you okay with us bringing the whole family over for Yule?


    It might have been me imagining it, but he sounded tentative, almost frightened. I expect you''ll show up anyway if I say no?


    Hey, Boss, you know I wouldn''t do that to you. But... I sighed. Look, I haven''t had a family to celebrate with since I was a little kid. It would mean a lot to me if my whole family could get together today.


    And that includes me?


    And Sigyn. Hell, even Mister Slither.


    I suppose your daughter does dote on him.


    So, can we come over?


    How soon?


    Probably a few minutes; as soon as we''ve got everyone together.


    I''d best let Sigyn know then.


    See you soon, Boss!


    When I got to the Infirmary, Grandma and Siobhan were both there. "Happy Yule, Sister! Happy Yule, Grandma Aetos!"


    "You need me to watch her?" asked Grandma.


    "Nope. We''re getting the whole family together for Yule. C''mon!" I reached out a hand to her, and after a moment staring at me, she took it and let me lead her out of the room.


    "Happy Yule, Tabitha!" called Sister Siobhan as we left.


    Back at the room, Saffron had Vulcan slung over her back, and The Smith stood behind her, one hand at his side, the other holding Saffron''s right, like a kid being towed along by his mother.


    "Happy Yule, Ma!" She half turned to The Smith and said, "Grandmother, this is my son, Conrad. Conrad, this is my Maternal Grandmother."


    "So nice to meet you, Grandmother Aetos." I had to remind myself that sociopaths are really good at looking like normal people when they wanted to. Or they''d been forced to in order to get what they wanted.


    Behind Grandma''s back, I mouthed the word, ''Conrad?'' to Saffron, who shrugged and smiled. "So now as soon as Marie gets back with the food..." No sooner were the words out of my mouth than I heard the distinctive squeak of Marie''s cart coming down the hallway. I turned to Saffron. "Can you do the honors?"


    She looked a little skittish, but nodded. When Marie rolled her cart into the room, she said, "Everyone, please join hands?"


    I held out a hand to Marie, whose other hand held her cart. Grandma took Saffron''s free hand. A moment later, we stood in Loki''s cave. He sat at one end of his big stone bed, his legs stretched out in front of him, a blanket covering him from his waist to his knees. Sigyn stood beside him, a hand on his shoulder. He opened his arms, as if to welcome us, then froze. What is he doing here?


    I called out, "Happy Yule, Loki! Happy Yule, Sigyn!" I turned to catch Saffron, who stumbled, a little sweat beading on her forehead. "You okay, love?''


    "A bit more draining than I''d thought. I might want to take folks back over multiple trips."


    I nodded, then continued what I''d intended before. "Loki, Sigyn, of course you know Saffron and Isnomi and Marie. This," I motioned to Grandma Aetos, "is Saffron''s Maternal Grandmother," I had no idea why she''d introduced her like that, but it seemed to work, "and this is Saffron and my adopted son, Conrad. Grandma Aetos, this is my Patron Loki and his wife, Sigyn. Conrad, this is my Patron Loki, who has been like a father to me, and his wife Sigyn, who watches Isnomi almost as much as Saffron''s grandmother." I paused, then lifted my hands not unlike Isnomi crowing out ''ta dah!'' and said, "it''s so nice to have everybody in the family here. Isn''t it?" I shot The Smith, whose name was apparently now ''Conrad'' a meaningful glance.


    He smiled, nodded his head, and said, "it is, indeed."


    Do you know who that is? I mean, who he really is?


    Yes, Boss. And he is sworn not to hurt family, as a condition of his adoption.


    If Loki''s smile looked a little bit brittle, it was still a smile. He held his arms out and said, "welcome, family, to our humble home. I''m afraid it''s not exactly the most comfortable of places, but what we have, we gladly share."


    I looked around and realized that other than Loki''s bed and a few pillows, rugs, and blankets I''d procured for them, the place was still fairly barren. I looked at Saffron and said, "Can you get some chairs if I get the Tree?"


    Before she could answer, ''Conrad'' said, "please, Mother, allow me." Over the course of the next four seconds, he disappeared and reappeared as many times, each time arriving with a chair under each of his hands. No two alike, each one perfectly sized to one of us. One final time he hopped back and forth, arriving with one hand on the tree, which leaned against the wall.


    I stepped over, sliced most of the base off of it, then asked, "son, could you set that up, please?"


    "Certainly, Mother." He proceeded to eye the tree, then slice another wafer thin wedge off of it. When he pushed the tree upright, it stood on its own. He then reached into a pocket and pulled out a wad of tinsel, of all things, and began artfully hanging it from the branches.


    You''ve tamed him. Tricked him into submission. My Champion, I have no idea what to say.


    Honestly, he did most of it himself. I think he really wanted to be my son for some reason. But he''s stuck to his promise of being a dutiful son and not harming family since.


    Which leaves me slightly less sanguine, but nonetheless impressed.


    I stepped over to the wall nearest Loki''s bed, then popped out a big honkin'' Mana Blade. "Back up, this might get a little energetic." I then carved out a nook, a couple feet deep, a couple feet tall, and maybe four feet wide. I made the top as conical as I could, given that I really didn''t want to touch any of the still-glowing rock, then put my hand just under the center of the cone and extended my Mana Blade as far upward as I could. When I felt air start moving towards it, I stopped, grabbed up the log I''d hacked off, and shoved it into the makeshift fireplace.


    When I turned around, Loki and Sigyn were staring at me. I swear he was a little teary eyed when he said, "you''ve brought me... us... a hearth, and a Yule log for it?"


    "I mean, this is your home. Home without hearth just doesn''t sound the same, right?"


    He reached out with one hand, placed it on my shoulder, and gently pulled me into an embrace. "Thank you. I suppose it doesn''t help my image as the vile backstabber and Trickster, but... thank you."


    "No problem, Boss. You''ve always had my back. This," I waved my hands around, taking in the chairs, the tree, the fireplace, and our not-so-little makeshift family, "this is the least I could do."


    At some point while I''d been busy with the fireplace, someone had brought in a table. At a guess, ''Conrad'', because somehow every chair had just long enough legs that the person sitting in it could easily reach the table. Even Loki, which meant that his basically had no legs, and Sigyn had to help him slide it atop the end of his bed, as I''d never fixed the stalagmite that bound his feet. Marie unloaded her cart, which had been packed to overflowing with pie, bread, more pie, a huge tureen of stew, even more pie, a ham, a chocolate cake, a whole fuckin roast turkey, and yet more pie. Saffron''s eyes got huge when she saw the cake, and I couldn''t really bring myself to stop her from starting there. Before anyone started, though, I held up my hands. Amazingly, everyone stopped reaching for the feast.


    Kitten? I''m going to tell them.


    Are you sure?


    They deserve to know. Everyone in this room deserves to know or already does. I don''t give a rat''s ass what anyone outside this room thinks.


    Saffron cleared her throat and said, "Lord, could you please ensure the privacy of the home? I believe Tabitha has something she wants to share."


    I felt the faintest flicker of something, then Loki nodded. "None save those here shall be privy to our Tabitha''s words."


    I opened my mouth, and nothing came out. I tried again, and managed to say, "Boss. Sigyn. Grandma. I think everyone else here knows this, but you''re family. You should know too. I should have told you," here I nodded to Loki and Sigyn, who''d pulled her chair over until it touched against Loki''s. "I should have told you a while back. But... I''m a coward. I didn''t want the family I''d found to be broken apart. I didn''t want to lose what I''d gained. I didn''t..." I paused, started over. "Some of you here already know this, but I wasn''t born in this world. I was born in a world where there are no Gods, no Magic, no people but Humans. Billions of us. I grew up there. Died there. Woke up here, on the day the Camden Yards Aquarium was attacked."


    Sigyn looked concerned. Grandma just nodded, as if she''d half expected something like this. Conrad... The Smith just smiled at me, like he''d known every detail long since. I took another deep breath.


    "That''s not what I wanted to tell you, though. But it''s important, because when I woke up here, I wasn''t exactly who you see in front of you. I mean, I was me, inside my head, but..."


    I sighed. I couldn''t think of the words. My brilliant snappy patter failed me. So instead? I dropped my Blend. All of it. I looked down to see a fine coating of fur over the back of my hand. "This. This is me."


    I kept staring at my hands, waiting for someone to say something. Saffron reached over and took one of my hands, lacing her fingers through it. Grandma Aetos was the first to speak. "Didn''t know you liked them furry."


    "MA!" squawked Saffron.


    "Dearest Mother, your appearance has never been what endears you to us." Gotta hand it to Conrad, he said it like he meant it. I mean, he did mean it, but he didn''t say it like a madman on a quest for infinite power or shit like that.


    Then, because of course she did, Isnomi, who''d been sitting on a high chair with Mister Slither coiled around it so she could pet his head, crowed out, "TA DA!" and turned just as fuzzy as me, but as always in a deep charcoal rather than flat black.


    I glanced up at Loki, who for the first time since I''d met him, seemed at a total loss for words. Well, for a moment or two anyhow. Sigyn tensed, like she was about to spring out of her chair, but he laid a hand over hers. She looked at him, a little wild-eyed, but eased back into her seat. Not relaxed by any means, but not ready to throw down, either. Loki looked at me and said, "this is you. And you would have us as family?"


    I tilted my head, trying to figure out how he meant his question. After a moment I decided to just go with it. "Yeah. You''re good people. Some of the best I''ve met here and now. So yeah, if you''ll have me. Us. Me." I shrugged and kinda flapped my free hand around, trying to figure out how to explain.


    Loki frowned, then smiled, then sighed, then looked to the floor and chuckled. "Since you declared me your Patron, and I declared you my Highest Priestess and Champion, I have worried about my one Hero falling too much under my shadow. Without some power of their own, some way to win renown without their Patron''s intervention, that has happened far too often. If I were as I was before my imprisonment, I would have taken overshadowing you as a given, and would have been furious at the thought that you might overshadow me." He paused, and looked me in the eyes. "And yet, here I sit, seeing your shadow in all its dark glory, knowing that at best I might be a footnote in your history, and I am not upset in the slightest. I am not even afraid." I heard the wonder in his voice at that, and he reached out one hand to me. I took his hand in mine, and he said, "no matter how frightening your shadow, I do not fear it, for I have seen who you are, Tabitha Diaz, and I trust you. Trust you even enough to dare be unafraid in the presence of Mimic''s shadow."


    I think I teared up at that point. Things got a little blurry anyhow. Must be the onions in the stew. Then Sigyn let out a half-hysterical laugh and said, "quite a shadow, though." When I looked at her, questioning, she pointed behind me. I glanced over my shoulder; behind me stretched an area of flat black, fuzzy darkness extending to the wall. At a guess, extending all the way back to Phileo.


    "Why didn''t somebody tell me my ass was so fat?"

 General Lancasters War Journal

    Tenth of Gort, Year Three Hundred Forty One After Founding: Hero Potami arrived today carrying two letters to me. The first, a missive from William noting that several of his scouts in the direction of New Amsterdam hadn''t checked in at their last appointed time, and that he intends to personally reconnoiter in an attempt to find his scouts, as some of them are in his personal employ rather than that of the office of the Marshall, and they might not break their covers for anyone else. The man is still as foolhardy as he was when we attended the Academy. Wotan save me from fools given power. Proving that no Earthly power could possibly do so, the second letter proved to be orders from the Marshall of Phileo City and Camden Yards, dictating that the Lord of Lancaster House and current head of House Lancaster call up the Lancaster Volunteers. Leave it to him to send both at the same time with the same courier.


    Still, it has been over a year since I called the Lancaster Volunteers to Lancaster House; even if this proves to be nothing but William''s fevered imagination at work, it will be a good training exercise, what with autumn filling the roads with muddy patches and leaves. I''ve sent runners out, informing the farmsteads and villages that their Volunteers are to report to Lancaster House no later than the Seventeenth of Gort. All Veterans capable of fighting are to report, filling their units'' numbers with fresh Volunteers as needed. I shall choose their Sergeants once all the Volunteers are gathered; no point in doing so before I know whether any given Veteran remains capable of marching.


    Thirteenth of Gort, Year Three Hundred Forty One After Founding: The first Volunteers have arrived. So far no Veterans have failed to show; in point of fact at least two units have split and recruited new Volunteers to fill out their numbers. While I''m sure they did so in order to create a second spot with a Sergeant''s pay, I still find that a promising sign, especially if we are forced to war as William is so worried about.


    Twenty First of Gort, Year Three Hundred Forty One After Founding: Oscar tells me a few of the staff have come down ill. Almost inevitable this time of year. Fools traipsing about without a care for the smell of snow in the air.


    Twenty Fourth of Gort, Year Three Hundred Forty One After Founding: Lachlan arrived with tidings of war. New Amsterdam has once again decided to test our borders, and the Marshall has seen fit to call up the Volunteers and call in the Heroes, myself included. I worry for Lancaster House in my absence. Not truly for its defense, as Lachlan has at the very least become adequately proficient with the arts martial, both as an exceptional combatant and as a uninspired yet effective commander. I have advised him to be conservative in all his other judgements, maintaining the status quo until my return. I take three in four of our Volunteers with me, leaving the remainder evenly spread between Lancaster House and its neighboring farmsteads; that should be enough to discourage any adventurism from Calverton.


    Third of Negetal, Year Three Hundred Forty One After Founding: I remain in shock, not only because Anathema has twisted our laws regarding religious freedom in order to establish a foothold in Phileo, not only because it has apparently won the acceptance of every Council Member even marginally aware of its continued existence, not even because Wotan has personally informed me that I am to treat her as I would any other Cadet or High Priestess, but because despite her obvious leanings toward nihilism, she has managed to succeed so blatantly in her endeavors. I would never have thought it capable of inspiring the peasants of Camden Yards, of all places, to Volunteer in numbers greater than even Lancaster. I suppose the population of Camden Yards is, in fact, greater than that of Lancaster, thus allowing them a greater number of spare bodies, but the thought of so many standing up to defend Phileo is foreign. Alien and troubling. Although I suppose I shall need to become accustomed to things both alien and troubling if I am to make full and best use of these new resources as my Lord Wotan has bid me.


    Fifth of Negetal, Year Three Hundred Forty One After Founding: The Gods have seen fit to make two of them. Not only need I contend, as I have always done, with the chaotic predilections of my nominal superior William duBois, but now he has found an apprentice, a prot¨¦g¨¦, an heir apparent to all the chaotic disorder he revels in, and she is, without a doubt, in every way more chaotic and unmanageable than he is. Or perhaps not? Perhaps my nemesis has, as he has aged, gained enough wisdom to understand the value of order, of Laws, of consistency in maintenance of the status quo, and only in comparison to his relative maturity does she seem more chaotic?


    While that thought gives me some small comfort, the greater and more important part of me knows it to be a pleasant lie. Cadet Tabitha Diaz, High Priestess and Champion of Loki, is not more chaotic than her mentor due to her youth. She is a force of disorder not seen in the Mortal Realm since Loki''s imprisonment. And yet, my lord Wotan has bid me use her and her anthemic paramour as weapons of war. Speaking of, the Gods have indeed made two of them, and I suspect that in this case the God in question is Loki himself, who is undoubtedly in cahoots with the Walking Ragnarok. Not only will I have the High Priestess of Anathema in my Grand Army, I will have a true Mor as well, one with destructive potential unrivaled by any since Balor himself. If I cannot win a war with such forces at my disposal, I do not deserve the title of Lord Lancaster, let alone that of General of the Grand Army.


    Tenth of Negetal, Year Three Hundred Forty One After Founding: While I had previously harbored some small hope that Cadet Diaz was less intelligent than William by a margin equal to her greater chaotic nature, today disabused me of that. Not only has she seen fit to grant my son Laurence the credit for her ''pontoon bridge'' idea, she saw through my play to claim the Marshall''s mantle for my own before we are officially at war. Still, I would be a poor General indeed were I to complain that the tools at my disposal were ''too smart'' for me to use. This does make me simultaneously question and be glad of our stance regarding women in Lancaster.


    Twelfth of Negetal, Year Three Hundred Forty One After Founding: The next generation of chaos has already been spawned. I suppose if I have anything to be thankful for it''s that Cadet Aetos'' influence seems to have curbed her partner''s unbridled entropic leanings and instilled a respect for the rules in their daughter. Of course, I did not expect someone to both know and manipulate those rules better than I, even if I hadn''t been aware of the competition until now. Cadet Aetos appears to have potential. Her gender is unfortunate, but perhaps with sufficient compensation she might be recruited to bear Lachlan''s child? While I am hesitant to sully our bloodline with a known Bag, the fact that the idiot and the runt are my two best options as Heir is significant enough evidence that our bloodline requires an infusion of new blood.


    Thirteenth of Negetal, Year Three Hundred Forty One After Founding: Glory be to Wotan. Not only has my acceptance of Anathema''s Handmaiden uncovered utility in my runt of a second son, but taking the time to explain logic to Cadet Diaz seemingly was not wasted. His Foresight is the greatest power I can imagine.


    Fifteenth of Negetal, Year Three Hundred Forty One After Founding: Cadet Diaz'' poor breeding and upbringing shows through with each and every conversation we have, and yet somehow she has learned to understand and appreciate subtler plans than a brick to the face. I choose to believe this is entirely the Handmaiden of Anathema''s influence, as despite her heretical faith, she is clearly quite intelligent. Perhaps I have underestimated her?


    Eighteenth of Negetal, Year Three Hundred Forty One After Founding: I have definitely underestimated Cadet Aetos. Or should I say High Priestess of Anathema and Councilwoman of Loki Aetos. Perhaps, much as William has found a prot¨¦g¨¦ who will eventually overwhelm him in Cadet Diaz, I have found one in Cadet Aetos? Such a thought is disturbing, but I would be unworthy of the Lancaster name if I chose to bind myself to a pleasant lie rather than the harshest of truths.


    Twenty Fifth of Negetal, Year Three Hundred Forty One After Founding: News from my informants on the Council; Cadet Diaz is indeed Marshall duBois prot¨¦g¨¦; he''s even taught her that Translocation trick of his, although she seems to use it much more freely. Perhaps I was mistaken to leave her behind?


    Twenty Seventh of Negetal, Year Three Hundred Forty One After Founding: The Marshall and the forces Hero Castro took to relieve him have joined us. William is as insufferable as ever, and though command of the Grand Army is still mine, as my nominal commander he has directed me to advance. My intent is to force the New Amsterdam Army out of their prepared positions by having Cadet Aetos fire on them with Vulcan, then advancing to take those positions, then repeating the bombardment. While our progress may be slower than he''d like, we will, in fact, be advancing, which is what he has legally ordered me to do. My only solace in this is that while I was outplayed in Council, it was clearly done by Councilwoman Aetos, and not Councilwoman Diaz.


    Twenty Eighth of Negetal, Year Three Hundred Forty One After Founding: I begin to understand Odin''s intent, I think, and with that understanding have devised a plan. According to William, Cadet Diaz is already significantly more dangerous than he in combat. While I find him hopeless as a field commander, and onerous beyond belief as a person, I would be lying were I to say he is anything less than a force to be reckoned with on the battlefield. Cadet Diaz has displayed the ability to Translocate strategic distances, as well as some ability to communicate with her wife. As such, I will keep her wife close, and place myself into positions to bait the enemy into committing to an attack in order to destroy our command structure.


    Not only will any danger to her wife cause Cadet Diaz to Translocate to the battle and give her the element of complete surprise, but I believe that Cadet Aetos, despite her heresy, is indeed the prot¨¦g¨¦ to match William''s Diaz. The fact that she and Diaz are linked is fortuitous, as it means the next generation of Heroes will have a Leader and a General who not only work together, but do so preferentially. Which I would have done with William had he not been so perniciously headstrong. Finally, should the worst occur and some mischief befall me, William is still with the Grand Army. While I am the superior field commander, William is certainly capable of leading. The risks are manageable and acceptable, and the potential gain is worth the risks.


    Third of Ruish, Year Three Hundred Forty One After Founding: New Amsterdam''s Army has fallen back, unable to withstand Vulcan''s attack, and unable to breach our line through concentrated Crossbow fire. William has encouraged me to pursue, but we have advanced well into New Amsterdam controlled territory. As such, they will likely be able to set deadfalls and other such traps in our path should we do so. My intent is to advance in a different direction every day, forcing them to spread any such traps across a wider area. There is no present urgent need to push the enemy, and any casualties we take will only reduce our morale.


    Sixth of Ruish, Year Three Hundred Forty One After Founding: I find myself in the unusual position of having to acknowledge my own foolishness as regards to military doctrine. Last night our camp was attacked, and not only were our enemies successful at infiltrating our camp before our troops fully awoke to resist them, but four of New Amsterdam''s Heroes made it to my tent backed up by two squads of Levies. The first through the door died to my blade, but after that I was hard pressed to do more than keep myself alive. Within minutes, all three remaining Heroes bled, but I did as well. I might take one down with me, possibly two, but without relief I knew myself done for.


    A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    Right about then Cadet Aetos made her presence known. Well, her presence as well as that of her unit. One of the Heroes surrounding me died in that instant, and another turned to face her. Much to my dismay he recognized her, or at least the weapon she carried, and leapt to attack her. The final Hero put himself between me and his partner, but one lone New Amsterdam Hero is not a match for the Lord of Lancaster House. As I cut him down, I saw a naked woman leap behind the Hero trying to kill Cadet Aetos. Before the woman, I assume Cadet Diaz, could stop the Hero leaping at her wife, Cadet Aetos did so herself, running him through with a blade of pure Mana, not unlike Cadet Diaz had shown me the day after All Hallows.


    With the remaining New Amsterdam witnesses dispatched, I ordered Cadets Diaz and Aetos into my tent to set up a triage center, and to deliver cases requiring it to the Academy Infirmary. During the subsequent conversation Cadet Diaz made entirely disrespectful comments which she thought I didn''t hear, but which had the annoying feature of being correct; the enemy need not know nor understand our command structure if we advertise the location of our leaders when they sleep. Of course, William had to spoil any satisfaction I might have had in telling him he wouldn''t be staying in the relative luxury of my command tent going forward by inviting me to share the basic soldier''s field tent he''d been staying in before he rejoined our main force.


    And his supporters seem to think I''m the annoying one.


    Fifteenth of Ruish, Year Three Hundred Forty One After Founding: I suppose this is what people of lesser talents and means call ''mixed emotions''. Though that''s not entirely fair, since my personal experience with the state being related to finding a viable prot¨¦g¨¦, I must conclude that my previous inexperience is due not to my intelligence or wealth, but due to my dearth of viable options for Heir.


    I approached William at breakfast and informed him I would be arranging a parley. If we can end this without bloodshed, perhaps even arrange some reparations? This will all have been a fantastic field exercise for the Grand Army, without the typical need to rearrange our fields and crafts to account for the dead and maimed. I expected him to argue with me, to be in favor of ''bloodying Octavio''s nose''. Instead? He simply said, "Good idea, Leonard. I''ll go set it up."


    "You."


    "Yep."


    "The Marshall of Phileo, who currently holds three Council seats."


    "Means they know I''ve got some weight behind my words."


    I took a deep breath. "And they know that if they capture you, I would be hard pressed to deny them whatever ransom they asked."


    He shrugged. "They ain''t got what it takes to hold me, but just in case, as Marshall I''m giving you a direct order not to ransom me; if they capture me, you''re to prosecute the war until they regret doing so."


    "The morale cost..."


    He interrupted me with that infuriating chuckle of his. "You haven''t gotten to know our new Camden Yards boys, have you?"


    "In what way do they differ from the Phileo Volunteers that matters? Are they even less capable when compared to Lancaster Volunteers?"


    "Arrogant asshole. Those Camden Yards boys and girls aren''t Dan. Or Humans who bend knee to Dan. They''re Bag, through and through, even the ones without a drop of Bag blood in ''em."


    I hid my shudder and impotent fury at his insult and said, "so they are less capable."


    He had the temerity to roll his eyes at me and say, "don''t rightly matter, because like I said, Camden Yards Bag. They see one of theirs go down, they don''t run, they don''t talk, they don''t think, they jump the fuck in. All at once, heels to knees, elbows to kidneys, fists to skulls, in to the fuckin'' hilt. If Oliver shits another head out his ass that''s smart enough to catch me? You just have Aetos tell all of them that New Amsterdam betrayed us and took me, and morale will be the least of your worries. Calling them off might be impossible, but breaking? They''ll be too fuckin'' pissed off to even think about breaking, and every one of them that falls will piss them off more."


    "So you''re telling me that should you be taken, one in three of my Volunteers will abandon honor and sense and fight like men possessed until they win or fall?"


    "About the size of it."


    "Well then, if you hand me six thousand raging Picts and I can''t win a single breaching battle, I''ll tell Odin you were always the better of us."


    That''s when my prot¨¦g¨¦ spoke up. "Sir?"


    "Yes, Cadet?"


    "It''s important to note that while any Hero might pass a message of Parley, only the two of you hold more than one Council seat; you''re the only two who could hold our side to an arranged parley." I nodded. William and I both knew that, of course, but sometimes those newly initiated to the Art needed to hear themselves say things aloud. At least she had the good grace to be correct. Then she said, "given that it must be one of the two of you, the Marshall is the obvious choice, Sir." Before I could interrupt, she continued, saying, "after all, his facility with Translocation means that no matter your relative ability in single, melee, ranged, or magical combat, he is obviously superior at being able to extricate himself from a situation."


    I glared at her, tensing to strike her for her impertinence, to reject her presumption and cast her out, but as her gaze remained locked with my own, I realized something which twisted my emotions into unaccustomed knots. She''d spoken over me knowing that one possible response I could have would be to do so, but she''d kept me from speaking for perhaps the only reason which justified such impertinence. She''d spoken to keep me from making an ass of myself by ignoring a pertinent detail which ought be known to me. She''d not been brash and headstrong, but as cold, calculated, and precise as I could wish to be; if I cast her out? She would not be an unworthy prot¨¦g¨¦. I would have proven myself unworthy to mentor her.


    I stood in the presence of a prot¨¦g¨¦ who even now might have surpassed me, only waiting her moment to show herself to the world. And she had willingly placed herself between me and danger, as is a prot¨¦g¨¦''s duty, before I even became aware the danger existed.


    "So be it. See if you can get them to provide the meeting place, William; our own force has little in the way of diplomatic niceties." The most logical reasons to dangle William on a hook, an army of Picts ready to rage, five thousand crossbows ready to slaughter Levies en masse like they''d never known, a literal Mor standing by to breach Newark''s walls on my command, and finally, after over a decade of waiting unto despair, a worthy prot¨¦g¨¦. The only possible smirch on my outlook was that this battle might not be my crowning achievement, but the dawn of my prot¨¦g¨¦''s dominance.


    Mixed emotions indeed.


    Sixteenth of Ruish, Year Three Hundred Forty One After Founding: The parlay today had... interesting results. I have never puzzled at the Chinese Curse, but I believe I now understand it in a far more visceral way. Octavio''s son disappoints me. As physically imposing as Lachlan, yet without my son''s idiocy. I cannot tell if Octavio was foolish, clever, or just unaware how others might envy his options for Heir, but Oliver''s devotion to Ares has turned a promising young man into a belligerent hothead. Even William was wise enough to avoid belligerence for belligerence''s sake.


    Disappointing heirs aside, Oliver goaded me with knowledge regarding some form of ''darkness'' holding sway in the Realm of the Gods. I asked my Lord Odin, but his only response was, It is not my place to say aught of that, but I remind you that Ragnarok Walks, and the Black Swan''s young multiply daily.


    Of course then Oliver tried to dictate to us what we ought do in our own City. Instead of teaching the whelp his place, William fell back on our laws. Odd that he would do so, since he will skirt the letter of them while ignoring the spirit when it suits him. Of course, he would not have been a fitting nemesis for myself were he mentally deficient, and he remembered the hand talk we developed as a Project during our Cadet days. He silently asked me how long I would need to prepare to breach Newark''s walls. Frankly, I suspected Vulcan could breach them any time I asked my prot¨¦g¨¦ to do so, but breaching the walls without the ability to put men through those breaches? Pointless. I replied equally silently that I required four days. In four days, we should be able to have enough ''pontoons'' to get our troops across the river without relying on the drawbridge. At that point, it will come down to whether they see sense and surrender when we breach their walls, or risk riot and rampage and try to deny the breach.


    While I would never allow troops under my command to run completely rampant, such impertinence would at least justify some judiciously implemented arson and looting. Rape is of course completely out of the question; why would we gift our enemy with the seed of our conquering soldiers? Should some of the women of Newark choose to follow our troops home, on the other hand, and our Volunteers trust them enough to sleep unarmored in their presence? I see no strong reason to prevent that particular form of looting.


    Twentieth of Ruish, Year Three Hundred Forty One After Founding: Lord of Valhal, King of Asgard, hear the plea of your High Priest to Lancaster and Phileo City and vouchsafe unto me the knowledge that I have not blasphemed, have not lost your favor, have not failed to meet my obligations to you.


    You have not.


    Those three words, my Lord''s only response to me, are enough to settle my mind, if not my nerves. When I faced her in the Practice Yard, Phileo''s finest military mind and Odin''s High Priest faced a child mad with power. Today? I stood between my prot¨¦g¨¦ and my rival, throwing his vaunted laws back in his own face, as a Cadet... no, I will not underestimate her again.


    No matter how terror unmans me when I state things plainly. I stood between my rival and Phileo''s greatest military mind, a High Priestess granted the right to manifest her Goddess'' presence on Earth, a presence which has protected my Phileo from the unending rage of Apollo. Not from a single strike, but from a campaign lasting over three months already, all without a single hint of his wrath leaking through. I stood with her at my back and threw my long time rival''s favorite ''freedom'' in his face, forcing him to see the Anathema it has spawned. I explained her situation to him, and as I did for once I listened to myself speak.


    Weep, mothers of New Amsterdam. Weep, People of Danae. Weep, Olympus. Weep, Asgard. Ragnarok walks the world, and her Chosen Vessel seeks nothing less than the pain and death of all of your children. Weep, and curse the hubris of Diana, who stole her child, for with that her quest for vengeance is just.


    The Walking Ragnarok is come, and her wrath is righteous. May she have mercy on those who do not seek to bar her passage.


    Twenty First of Ruish, Year Three Hundred Forty One After Founding: I sat beside her, confident that my prot¨¦g¨¦ found me useful, that my enemies knew not what they faced, that in the end Ares'' petty tantrum would only serve to further the glory of Odin, the glory of Phileo, the glory of Lancaster.


    Then a flash of red, an eternal world of pain shoved through me in an instant, and my soul knelt, naked in the darkness, buried in Anathema. Anathema that thundered and burned me incidentally with the flames of implacable, endless, mindless rage. My rival my only companion, we clung to each other and wept in terror that she might snuff out our Souls at any instant.


    Then her Chosen One called out to us, her whisper a command, and I rushed through darkness to the body of a dullahan wearing my armor, my uniform, my Priestly garb. Darkness overwhelmed me, and I breathed once more. William breathed next to me, shuddering tears in his breath, twin to mine own.


    The Chosen One of Anathema, the Mother''s Wrath Unbound, spoke. "Potami. Watch over them," she ordered The Unbending Blade of Phileo.


    Who bent. Her voice shattering in the silent darkness, dropping as she took a knee. "yes. your will."


    I know not how long William and I knelt, clinging to one another, one sheltering hand of The Unbending Blade atop each of our heads. Smell slipped in through the thundering flames of rage. Blood. Earth. Blood. Shit. Blood. Pork. Blood. Piss. Blood. Lightning. Blood, blood, and more blood. Blood enough to drown Jormungandr. Pain echoed through the darkness, sensation without cause or reason.


    Then her Chosen One spoke a single word that stilled the world. "STOP." Everything froze in place, and the Wrathful Mother spoke once more, her voice a whispering balm, the faintest hope of salvation. "Your walls are breached. You have lost. Surrender, lie face down on the ground, and no further harm will befall you." The tiniest of pauses, then, "any who continue to fight will be executed like the rest of your army was."


    Anathema convulsed once. Then settled into wondrous silence.


    High Priestess Aetos stood beside us, pulled William and I to our feet, took both our old, calloused hands in one of her petite ones. Potami gasped, and we stood on the churned, blood soaked mud of Newark''s killing field. Bodies in blue and orange lay as far as the eye could see.


    I dropped to my knees in prayer.


    Lord, have I displeased you in any way?


    You have not.


    Lord, am I still your High Priest to Lancaster and Phileo City?


    And to as far as her shadow shall stretch. You are the single point of light in that great darkness, Leonard Lancaster. You have not failed me yet. Should you keep faith with me, remain that unfailing point of light in the darkness, you shall rest in the Valhal, no matter the manner of your demise. So say I, Alfodr, Lord of the Aesir, Lord of Asgard, Lord of Valhal.


    My soul should have thrilled to hear that my Lord found my actions, my presence, of such value that I no longer need fear death, even death of old age in my own bed.


    It would have.


    Had Odin''s once mighty voice not rung with the same shattered steel as I''d heard from the once Unbending Blade of Phileo.

 Day One Hundred And Sixty Six

    Dear Diary,


    If it''s not one thing, it''s another. Still, it''s nice knowing I''ve got family who''s got my back, y''know?


    So the Yule party was pretty good. It got a little wild when it came time for gift-giving. I mean, Saffron and I hadn''t really had time to get anything for anybody, Loki and Sigyn can''t really go anywhere, and Isnomi, Marie, and Grandma don''t really have any cash on hand to speak of. Which just left ''Conrad''. It''s gonna be a while until I''m used to that one. Apparently Saffron gave him that name, which came out after Sigyn and Loki opened up his gift to them. I suppose wine and bourbon are both pretty solid Yuletide presents for, y''know, Gods. If they want something, they can just will it into being. Apparently, especially for food and drink, that can wind up getting a little boring, as whatever you make winds up being exactly what you expect it to be. So it''s not like, bad or anything. Just boring.


    Which oak-aged bourbon and wine definitely aren''t. I''d always heard that really good, aged whiskey and wine tasted better. Never got to try any, because the places where I could score liquor? Not big on selling top shelf shit.


    Apparently ''barrel proof'' is important, too. Everybody got a glass of wine with dinner. It kinda weirded me out that, when he pulled out wine glasses in appropriate sizes for everyone, Conrad had included an itty bitty Isnomi sized one.


    You sure that''s good for her?


    It''s Yule, and it''s a tiny glass. Besides, with four other Deities and two High Priestesses in the room, I think we can fix anything that goes wrong.


    I sighed. Fair point.


    The wine didn''t taste like grape juice, the way I kinda expected it to. It didn''t not taste like grape juice, either. Thing is, apparently if you age alcohol long enough, it loses the bitter aftertaste I associated with booze.


    What, you think I knew where to get cheap booze back in Camden and didn''t avail myself? You must have had a boring childhood.


    So the wine was a nice addition to dinner. I didn''t really feel the need to pack it in, so I had more or less normal servings of everything. At the same time, Marie had brought enough pie for each of us to have two to ourselves, so I definitely tried at least one slice of each. I would have had more chocolate cake, but after getting one bite, Saffron baited the rest of mine away with smoky eyes and suggestive looks.


    When like half the table had raised the white flag on dessert, Conrad produced appropriate sized tumblers for everyone. Before he broached the Bourbon cask, I grabbed up the littlest tumbler and turned to Saffron. "I think you''re supposed to have whiskey over ice, right?"


    I turned to Loki when he chuckled. I met his eyes, and he snapped his fingers. A perfect sphere of ice filled most of the little tumbler, as well as the tumbler in front of me. When I raised an eyebrow, he winked at me and said, "I am the son of Ymir, after all."


    So Isnomi got a tumbler too, with about a bottle cap''s worth of whiskey surrounding that sphere of ice.


    "My mom never let me have whiskey," I grumped.


    "Not even when you were teething?" asked Saffron.


    Grandma chimed in, "not putting whiskey on a poor tot''s gums when they''re teething." She shook her head. "Child abuse, that is."


    I couldn''t help but laugh, especially when Saffron, Sigyn, and Marie all nodded sagely. I thought about why Marie was nodding along, then took a long pull of my own whiskey.


    "Holy crap that''s some good shit right there," blurted out of my mouth before I could think. "Smooth as a baby''s ass."


    Conrad just smiled and nodded. "Thank you, Mother. I''ve aged it for decades, in hopes of just such an occasion."


    The rest of the night we spent talking about things our kids had done. Well, grandkids in the case of Grandma Aetos, prompting many a screech of ''MA!'' from Saffron. I snuggled her every time she did, whispering, "you were so cute!" into her ear, then nibbling on it a little. Saffron and I told stories about Isnomi, which she loved; every time we talked about her doing something, she grinned and soaked up being the center of attention. Loki and Sigyn smiled through all of it, but their smiles held as much sorrow as joy. I gripped Loki''s hand at one point, and thought, I''m still working on it, Boss.


    I have every faith in you, My Champion... Tabitha. It still hurts, though.


    I know, Boss. I just don''t want you to think I''ve forgotten, or I didn''t mean it, or some shit like that.


    By that time everyone except Isnomi had at least two glasses of Whiskey in them, and Conrad of all people told a story about kids he''d had. He looked nearly as maudlin as Loki and Sigyn at that point. I didn''t ask then, but decided to ask him about him at some point in the future. Then Marie stood up and, one word at a time, accompanied by some hilariously inappropriate mime, told a story about Dionysus when he wasn''t much bigger than Isnomi. That ended with her more or less lying down on the floor and falling asleep. Conrad stood at that point and said, "the evening has been lovely, but I''ve some projects which need oversight, so I really should be going."


    He went around the table exchanging hugs, starting with Isnomi, who giggled and glomped him, then Saffron, then me, then Loki, Sigyn, and finally Grandma, who stood as well, asked Conrad if he could take her home, and made the rounds herself. I suppose it kind of made Conrad feel like less of a sociopath waiting to kill all of us and more an actual member of the family. Leave it to no-chill Grandma to handle the problem child.


    Loki and I wound up the last two upright; Saffron didn''t quite faceplant into her final slice of pie, but mostly because I caught her and lowered her head gently to my lap. She snuggled into me and started snoring quietly. At that point Isnomi climbed onto the table and started in on the leftover bits of pie, starting with Saffron''s. After making one circuit of the table sniffing out leftovers and doing away with them, she hopped down, curled up on top of Marie, and went to sleep herself. Shortly after that, Sigyn stood up, swayed sideways a step, then plonked that amazing ass down on Loki''s lap. She leaned against him, murmured something into his chest while walking her fingers up his chest to his neck, then back down to his waist. Then she too started snoring.


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    I lifted the latest tumbler to my mouth and took a long swallow, because I shit you not, this was the smoothest liquor I''d ever tasted. I glanced at Sigyn, then looked up at Loki and said, "no unrespect intention, but why..." I stopped, thought about that half sentence, shook my head to clear it, and then when the room stopped spinning said, "how''d I Goddess outdrink? I mean, how''d I outdrink a Goddess?"


    Loki chuckled. "And here I thought you''d realized at least half of that already." He nodded behind me, and I looked over my shoulder. My shadow covered a wedge of the room between me and the wall with fuzzy darkness. I turned back to him, thought about it for a bit. "Body mass?"


    He nodded sagely. "Not to mention the resistance given ascending levels of Deities in the land of the Gods?"


    I blinked at that. "So why''d I get so fucked up drinking with Dionysus?"


    He snorted. "Did you miss the ''in the Land of the Gods" part of that?"


    "Izzat the same thing as... uh... Metabolic... no. Metasticic... no. Uh, M-Space? Conrad says that."


    Loki shrugged. "I suppose it might be. At some point you and I need to sit down and have a talk about the rights and responsibilities of Godhood, you realize."


    I thought about that for a length of time, then replied, "Monday?"


    He nodded far less sagely, now that he''d emptied another tumbler. "Moonday indeed."


    "Think I ought to be heading home?"


    He put one hand to his chest with a shocked expression, "leaving all the cleanup to me?"


    "And the rest of that barrel," I said as I hefted Saffron into a princess carry.


    "A fair point, my most Glorious Champion, my Priestess High above all others, and my daughter in spirit, a fair point indeed. Until Moonday." He lifted his glass in a final toast.


    I flopped down on my ass next to Marie, draped one arm over her to lay a hand on Isnomi, then rolled us over to home. I''d thought about things like getting undressed, or washing up, or anything else, but decided that was way too much work and just fell the fuck asleep.


    Dreamed of vibing on the shore. Figured there was something about that I''d be able to make sense of if I weren''t asleep, or drunk, or both.


    Woke up with my head not knowing if it wanted to split open or not. Did Loki''s ''instant clean'' trick on The Dress and Saffron''s Dress of Glowing Midnight, since both were a little rumpled and a lot sweaty, then did the same for Marie and Isnomi, because I didn''t want to know if the menace had messed her uniform, and if I was gonna do it for her not doing it for Marie seemed a little unfair.


    I got to my feet, realized that I wasn''t hungover because I hadn''t completely sobered up yet, and carefully squatted down to shake Saffron''s shoulder gently.


    "Mmrrgpphh... Sleepy." Then her eyes popped open, and she shuddered. "Cold!"


    "Yeah. Sorry. I''ve got to get Doc to help me fix that at some point."


    "Doctor DeLeon or Doctor Roberts?"


    "Yeah, one of them."


    She glared daggers up at me, then blinked and shook her head. "Oh, that was a mistake."


    "I''m thinking we should both get down to breakfast."


    She grimaced. "How can you think of food at a time like this?"


    I shook my head. "Ooh, I see what you mean about that being a bad idea." When the room stopped spinning, I said, "I was thinking about endless pitchers of water to head off the hangover."


    "Does that work?"


    "Did when I managed to score some hooch back in Camden."


    She held up a hand, and I helped her up. She gestured to Isnomi and Marie. "What about them?"


    "They don''t have to play diplomat and thug at a treaty conference today."


    "Point. Lead on, I''m going to keep my eyes closed, because I''m already getting a bit of a headache."


    I scooped her up and said, "I''ll do you one better if you get the door."


    She wobbled in my arms, and we stood outside the door. "Done."


    At breakfast we got a few comments about our outfits. None from the ROTC table, who''d seen both before, but the tables were near empty. Even the ROTC table was missing everyone except Raven. "Where is everybody?"


    Saffron chugged another stein of water and said, "Winter Solstice Break."


    Both of us went light on breakfast, but availed ourselves of as much water as the Maids would bring us. When Saffron said, "no more, or I''ll have to piss all day."


    I nodded, stood up, and walked around the table to help her to her feet. "You good to get us there?"


    She took a step, and we stood in the command tent. The Marshall and the General stood beside the table, each finishing off a standard ration meal. Saffron smiled at them and said, "good morning, gentlemen. Are we ready for another day of negotiations?"


    They nodded, and the Marshall said, "we''d better be. You two and I need to be back in Phileo by tomorrow afternoon."


    "Not that I mind putting a time limit on things, but why?" I asked.


    "Moving up ceremony. Even if you two don''t technically need to be there, I really ought to," the Marshall answered.


    "So let''s keep that in mind then," Saffron said, shuffling through the documents from the day before Yule, setting some aside, pulling others together, and beginning to write.


    I waved the Marshall over and quietly asked him, "do any of the other Cadets here in the field need to be back there tomorrow night?"


    He shrugged and didn''t answer.


    Shortly after that, Ophelia and her entourage arrived with George following along behind like the world''s most unassuming caboose.


    Could you be a dear and bring the Drivers?


    I nodded, stepped to Drivers'', and after an obligatory slice of cake which I wolfed down in record time, I took both of their hands and stepped back to the negotiating table. Technically Mrs. Driver was the official ''representative'' from Camden Yards, but Mr. Driver had come along to provide moral support to her, and low key do the same for George. I don''t care how much subservience you''ve had beaten into you over the years, you feel a little more confident when you have three hundred odd cubic feet of muscle backing you up.


    Thus began the most difficult trial of my existence; watching half a dozen people hammer out stupid minutiae regarding the formation of the inter-city Council. I mean, objectively I knew this kind of shit was important, but subjectively it felt like an eternity of boring bickering. Every now and then Saffron prompted me mentally to look irritated, which I didn''t have to fake. Mostly, though, I stood there and tried not to fall asleep.


    By the end of the day, everybody in the tent looked... well, they looked like they''d been in a tent arguing over bullshit all day long. Saffron looked around the table, said, "So, I think we''ve covered all the major points we need to for now. Shall we meet tomorrow morning to sign the final document?"


    Everybody except Ophelia nodded agreement. I looked at her and frowned without any prompting. I might have even growled a little bit. She blanched and said, "excellent idea. Let''s wrap this up tomorrow morning when we''re all fresh."


    With that Ophelia and George left, both with an escort of Phileo Volunteers and Heroes. Saffron and I stepped over to the Drivers, and before we left Marshall duBois said, "mind if I hitch a ride back with you two?"


    So Saffron hopped the five of us back to Drivers'', then the Marshall and Saffron took my hands and I stepped back to the Practice Yard, where the Marshall stared up at the huge tree right in the middle of the Yard, shaking his head, then at the pile of ash and smoking logs about halfway between the tree and the wall of the Yard.


    "At least they had the sense to have the bonfire downwind this time."

 Day One Hundred And Sixty Seven

    Dear Diary,


    Just once I''d like to be wrong about something bad happening.


    I mean, there are a couple of those things that hadn''t been nearly as bad as I thought. Marie, for example. But just because they turn out less bad that I thought they would, or even turning out well, again, Marie is a great example, they still happen.


    Heh. ''Happening''. Okay, I''ll tell my inner twelve year old to stop adding things to my Diary.


    Yeah, we both know that''s not happening. No matter what else is.


    So Saffron and I stumbled down to catch an abbreviated dinner in the Dining Hall. Like half an hour after we''d sat down, the Maids sort of congregated around our table, scooping up trays the moment we emptied them, not replacing them, and generally staring at us impatiently. Which, when you''re talking about a dozen anthropomorphized Siberian tigers? Does not make for a welcoming dining experience. On the one hand, both of us had eaten near to bursting the day before at Yule. Okay, Saffron had, and while I''m never actually ''full'', my revelation about the gargantuan dimensions of my posterior region made me want to cut back a little.


    Yeah, I complained about the lack of junk in my trunk, but this wasn''t a reasonable amount of junk. This was the accumulated junk of a dynasty of hoarders stretching back to the dawn of recorded history.


    Anyway, we finished off all the leftovers, then thanked the Maids and stumbled back to our room. Literally, one stumble and we flopped onto our bed. "You wanna, Kitten?"


    "Apologies, love, but I am exhausted far beyond any reasonable level of tiredness that should accrue from a day of doing nothing but talking." She flopped over, tried to help me undress, and wound up getting one of my shoulders free of The Dress, then fell asleep with her head on my boob. I remember people saying love makes you stupid. Apparently that also covers making you think someone snoring and drooling on your tit is the most adorable thing ever. Although that may be part of the ''mom'' package, since Isnomi had done that more than once as well, and I thought she was adorable doing it as well. I stroked her hair until I fell asleep right there, both our legs dangling over the side of the bed.


    Some time later, I half-woke to Marie slipping The Dress the rest of the way off, then scooching me around to lie entirely on the bed. Saffron already lay there, naked under the sheets. I snuggled up to her and let Marie throw another blanket over us both. When I snuggled up to her, Saffron half turned and reciprocated. I don''t really remember anything after that.


    Slept through the night. Normal dream, although I''d stretched out along the lakeside now. It was kinda weird; the water near the edge felt a little chilly, even what with me being fuzzy at the moment, but when I yawned and stretched a bit, there seemed to be a warmer current somewhere just a little offshore. I wasn''t about to go swimming, though, because I could see snow on the rocks, and I''m not one of those insane people who goes skinny dipping in February. I paddled in the water just a little, though, because I didn''t want to leave my adoring psychedelic tadpole legions alone.


    Woke up feeling kinda good, just lying with Saffron in my arms and listening to her cute little snores. I peeked over to see Marie and Isnomi curled up together on the floor. Probably didn''t want to wake the two exhausted people, I guessed. After a little bit, Saffron and Marie both stirred. "S''it time ah wake uh ye?" Saffron muttered.


    "By the way Marie''s stirring, probably."


    "Mmm, thass nice." She snuggled into me more, showing no signs of getting up any time soon. I sighed and did the insta-clothing thing for both of us. She squeaked, and I knew exactly why, as our dresses and boots had been hanging under the altar overnight, and had chilled to room temperature.


    "Y''know, I might wind up regretting this as my choice of clerical garb."


    "Despite the fact that I can''t take advantage of it right now, I''m not likely to in this lifetime."


    "I mean, now, yeah, but what about in twenty or thirty years when I start to sag. These," I tugged at one of the bits of fabric that covered my tatas. "don''t really provide anything in the way of support."


    She just shook her head. "Leave it to you to forget the whole ''immortality'' part of being a Goddess."


    I lay there, mouth hanging open as I thought about the ramifications about that. "Damn. That sucks."


    She cocked her head in the middle of pulling out a uniform for the menace. "Why?"


    "You. You''re not immortal. The prospect of an eternity without you? Not super attractive to me."


    She shook her head, walked over and pulled me up until I sat on the edge of the bed, then pulled my head into her chest, embracing me. "So you''re saying you won''t be claiming the soul of your High Priestess when she shuffles off this mortal coil?"


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    My brain just refused to process the information. "I can do that?"


    She shrugged. "Any Deity of sufficient power can claim a piece of Metaphoric Space. Souls eventually wind up there, and psychopomps deliver them to the appropriate afterlife."


    "What''s a psychopomp?"


    She chuckled, "a Deity charged with escorting souls to their final destination. Thanatos is probably the most famous, but every Pantheon worth mentioning has at least one."


    I nodded, "okay, new items on the to do list; claim a bit of M-Space and hire a psychopomp."


    Saffron chuckled, then pulled me up for a kiss before turning to Marie, who handed a grumbly menace to me. We got her dressed, and I asked, "you think we should bring her with today?"


    "I don''t see why not. It''s still a little dangerous, but I think the other Council Members can live with their lives being in a little danger."


    "You want to come with, Marie?"


    She looked at me, and I swear she got the same look on her face I had at the end of the day yesterday. "No."


    I laughed, "okay, okay, just offering." I scooped up our now dressed offspring, made sure everyone had the surgeon general''s recommended dosage of hugs and kisses, then stepped Saffron, Isnomi, and I down to the Dining Hall. "Ouch." I wasn''t hurting as much as I had been when I woke up the day after the battle, but things definitely hadn''t returned to full working order. The Maids opening the doors as we arrived gave us a bit of stink eye for avoiding the doors, but I figured we weren''t actually early, just cutting the line a bit. Also, none of the other Freshman Cadets had to deal with a morning of politics.


    After eating at a steady pace for about an hour, Saffron sighed and said, "I think we need to get there early." I nodded, crammed a final mouthful of food in, picked up Isnomi and tilted my head in a ''why'' gesture. "I''ve got to write up what I hope is the final document for the others to vote on today." She stood up, walked around the table, said, "let me, love," and stepped us to the strategy tent, where Lancaster sat reading through one of yesterday''s drafts while he ate breakfast.


    I gave Saffron a peck on the cheek and said, "if you don''t need me for now, I''m gonna take our little menace for a walk."


    She smiled and said, "be good for Momma, my girl."


    Isnomi, who''d kinda curled up in a pre-sleeping pose, stuck one hand out to give Saffron a thumbs up, then snuggled back into me. Of course, when we got outside, after about five minutes of walking through and around the camp, one of the Camden Yards soldiers recognized her, and their unit started a cheer, which spread rapidly and followed us around the camp. She ate it up, clambering up to sit on my shoulders and wave to the crowds. We must have spent like an hour just wandering through the camp leaving smiling soldiers in our wake.


    Eventually we had to return to the command tent. Or, really, I felt like we ought to. Technically I''d come along to be the growly heavy if Saffron needed someone to stop being obstinate, after all. When I bent over to go through the tent flaps with Isnomi on my shoulders, I found all of the intra-city Council there and talking already. George, the Drivers, and even Lancaster all looked at Ophelia like they wanted to throttle her, and Saffron''s cool fa?ade looked like it might crack at any moment. "What''s up, people?"


    Everyone started to talk at once, the Drivers and George quieting almost instinctively after a couple words, and Saffron deferring to Lancaster, who just plain overrode Ophelia. "Lady Orange has decided that some of the wording of our document of rules is ambiguous."


    Some part of my brain immediately threw up page after page of endless arguments about the fuckin'' US Constitution, and I asked, "are they?"


    Lancaster shrugged and said, "I suppose that technically they are, but any fool can understand what''s meant."


    Nobody in the room except Saffron and maybe Isnomi knew about my Isekai nature, so I scrambled to try and come up with an explanation that didn''t include, ''back in the two hundred fifty year old Constitutional Republic I''m originally from'' as part of the argument. Eventually, after everybody looking at me started to fidget, the best I could come up with is, "one thing you can bet on is that the universe will never stop making foolisher fools. Yeah, everybody in the room knows what you six mean, but what about down the road when somebody new takes over a seat? What about when, eventually, you all grow old and die, and your replacements grow old and die, and nobody who even knows one of you six personally is left alive?"


    "You seem to think this document will still be in use then," mused Lancaster.


    "I can tell you that it sure as shit won''t if you leave anything ambiguous in it."


    He sighed, closed his eyes, and his lips moved. Before he opened them again, a look of surprise crossed his face. "I have spoken with Odin with the thought of having him be an arbiter over any disputes of our intent in Tabitha''s imagined future, and have been told in no uncertain terms that Tabitha, and by extension, Lady Orange, have the right of things in this case."


    Thus began an entire day of nitpicking every goddamned word of what I hoped would wind up a constitution for our new little four-city nation. I mean, better we hash this shit out now, and do it right, than leave Isnomi, or her kids, or their kids, to do it after a century or two of habit, custom, and precedence accrued. But it was still torturous to watch. A couple times I used the excuse that Isnomi needed fresh air to take another half-hour stroll around the army, still getting cheered, but now having some soldiers come up and want to shake her hand, or even mine. Okay, they might have used her as an excuse to shake my hand, because a lot of them had seen The Dress during the battle. Lancaster''s whole ''get everyone to recognize it'' scheme seemed to have worked, and now every soldier in the Grand Army realized that they''d all get to go home because of what I''d done.


    Half hour breaks notwithstanding, by sunset I''d gotten so bored I almost fell asleep standing up with Isnomi on my shoulders. Saffron and Lancaster insisted we needed to get the damn document done today, since not even Ophelia wanted to change what they''d decided on before, so all they had to do was find completely unambiguous wording for everything. As I looked out of the tent flap toward the gates of Newark, listening to them hashing out who would sign the final document where, and in what order, I heard a sound that I''d been dreading without realizing it since the day before Yule.


    George Papadopoulos let out a wheezing, hacking cough.

 Day One Hundred And Sixty Eight

    Dear Diary,


    Never thought I''d relate to Doctor Fauci, but here we fuckin'' are.


    George let out an awful cough, and after a moment of stunned silence, I leapt into action. "Nobody leave the tent, on pain of pain. I''ll be right back." I dropped Isnomi in Saffron''s general direction, stepped to the Ladies'' infirmary, grabbed Grandma and Sister Siobhan by the arm, said, "you''re needed elsewhere, stat," and stepped to the Men''s Infirmary. I let go of Grandma, said, "keep an eye on Lancaster," grabbed Doc DeLeon''s arm, said, "no time," and stepped back to the negotiation pavilion to find General Lancaster standing by the tent flap with sword drawn, Ophelia shouting at the top of her lungs about needing to leave the ''plague ridden tent'', being held back from charging at General Lancaster by the simple expedient of Mr. Driver holding on to one of her arms. No matter how she clawed at that she wasn''t getting away.


    I let go of Sister Siobhan and Doc DeLeon, stepped forward, and slapped her hard enough to shut her up for a moment. What, I didn''t backhand her or anything; shut her up more out of surprise that someone would actually strike her than anything else. "Ophelia Orange, you are presently in the safest fucking place to be if this is a fucking plague, now shut up and let us do something about it."


    She pointed at George and shrieked, "Burn..." I lifted my hand to actually backhand her and she shut the hell up.


    "Don''t make me tell you again, and stay shut up unless you have something productive to add." I nodded at Mr. Driver, then at General Lancaster. "Thanks, guys." I turned to our two healers. "Can you check Mr. Papadopoulos to see if he''s got the same disease as Cadet Lancaster?"


    Both of them nodded and went through the motions of Assess Health. I had no doubt they both had enough skill to not need the hand motions, but maybe using them saved Mana or something. Not like I knew or cared about Mana savings most of the time. While they did that, I thought to Saffron. That really fuckin'' hurt, bringing the two of them all the way here.


    I''ll take care of getting them home, if it comes to that, Goof.


    "First things first, while they''re checking George''s health, you four need to sign that damn treaty."


    "Why the hell would I do that now?" shrieked Ophelia.


    My gaze snapped to catch hers, and I growled out, "because if he''s got the same thing Lancaster does, you''re already infected, and the only people who know how to treat and more importantly combat the plague? Are from Phileo. Who doesn''t owe you shit until that treaty''s signed."


    A bit of sanity returned to her eyes, and she tried to pull away from Mr. Driver. Since she pulled towards the table, I nodded, and Mr. Driver let her go. She stumbled a bit before catching herself. I said, "Sign it at the very bottom of the page." She looked venom at me, but moved her hand and signed her name kinda huge, with all sorts of flourishes. When she stepped away, dropping the pen on the table like it was infected, I nodded to General Lancaster. "General, if you could sign directly above her, please?"


    "Certainly." He walked over, picked up the discarded pen, and signed his own name right above Ophelia''s flamboyant signature. While his was significantly less ornate, he included what I think was his full set of titles, ''Guild Master, Councilman, General, and High Priest Leonard Leroy Lancaster''. That took up more space than Ophelia''s over-decorated mess.


    I nodded to the Drivers. "Mrs. Driver? If you would sign right above the General''s signature?"


    "Absolutely, dear." She stepped up and signed her own name in half of the space left between the bottom of the document and the end of the treaty. Constitution. Bill of laws? Whatever it was, she signed it and left a fair spot for George to do the same.


    Before I said anything, he looked at me and said, "I sign, and you cure me?"


    I shook my head and said, "wait just one moment, please." I turned to the healers and said, "it''s the same disease?"


    Sister Siobhan said, "Yes," just as Doc DeLeon shook his head.


    Shrugging apology to Sister Siobhan, he explained, "it''s very close kin to the one Cadet Lancaster had. Same symptoms. Possibly slightly different survivability or incubation. Some diseases are like that; they change themselves in order to escape detection. Luckily, in this case any healer worthy of the name could at least detect that the victim is diseased."


    "Shit. It''s mutating fast, then." While I left Doc DeLeon mouthing the word ''mutate'', I stepped around the table, popped a Mana Ward over the two of us and said, "you might want to look away, this might be a little bright." Then I poured enough Mana into a Cure Disease to wipe it out no matter how hard it tried to hide. After I''d finished, I dropped the Ward and said, "I don''t want someone down the line saying you were blackmailed into signing. I stepped over to Ophelia, who had opened her mouth to bitch. She closed it, fast, and I threw a Mana Ward around the two of us and repeated the Cure Disease. When I''d finished, I looked at the healers and said, "Can you two check everyone else in the tent, please?"


    While George carefully added his signature to the treaty, they did just that. Doc DeLeon reported, "General Lancaster and the Drivers are all infected."


    I looked at Sister Siobhan and asked, "could you use your Cure Disease on Mrs. Driver, please?"


    "Of course." She stepped over and, with way less fanfare than me, Cured Mrs. Driver.


    "Doctor, could you Assess her, please?"


    He nodded, went through the motions, and then nodded again. "She''s cured."


    I let out a heartfelt sigh. "That means it doesn''t take me overpowering the shit out of it to Cure somebody asymptomatic with it. Doctor, could you handle the Cures on the Mr. Driver and General Lancaster? Oh, Sister, could you check me and Saffron as well?"


    She looked at me a little funny, but went through the motions of Assess Health. "Both of you are disease free."


    I let out another huge sigh of relief. "That means that the two strains are close enough that immunity to one ought to convey immunity to the other." For the first time since I''d Cured him, I looked to George. "I''m sorry to be the one to bear bad news, Mr. Papadopoulos, but while you''re cured of the disease, your body still has to get rid of all the snot and stuff, so you''re probably gonna cough and puke a bit ''til it''s all out of you."


    He closed his eyes and said a silent prayer before looking back at me. "But I''ll live?"


    I shrugged. "This particular plague won''t kill you, at any rate." I turned back to the General. "General Lancaster, we need to check each and every person in the army. Hell, everyone in both armies. Then we need to use them to quarantine everyone else in all four Cities, then check each and every person and Cure any of them who have this plague."


    The General opened his mouth to say something, some kind of argument by his look, but Ophelia beat him to the shriek. "Everyone? Why not just quarantine the sick? Who will keep the Cities running while everyone is trapped in their houses?"


    I Translocated across the room, getting right up into her face, and said, "because this thing mutates... changes fast enough that if we don''t quarantine, if we don''t check and Cure every single person, it''ll mutate into something that Cured people have no defense against, at which point we''re back to the starting point again. And if we don''t stop this shit now, fast, it will kill off huge chunks of our population, and leave others so sick or maimed that the Cities will fall apart anyway. Do. You. Understand?"


    This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    She flounced backwards, then sneered, "so the weak die off. It will leave us stronger."


    Before I could respond, General Lancaster stepped forward and backhanded her hard enough to spin her around and leave her crumpling to the floor. When she pushed herself up enough he could look her in the eye, he said, "my son nearly died of this. Would have if not for High Priestess Diaz. Call my son weak again, and I will see you on the field of honor. Briefly."


    I don''t know if we finally got through to her or if having so many people manhandle her intimidated her into shutting the fuck up and soldiering, but she pushed herself to her feet, eyes on the floor, and said, "I apologize, General. I didn''t know." She turned to the rest of the group. "I will of course support whatever the Inter-City Council decides."


    "I vote we do what she says," said George with absolute conviction as he pointed at me.


    "Are you sure we need to do all that?" Mrs. Driver asked me. I nodded, and she said, "then I also vote for doing what she said."


    When she''d finished, Ophelia cut in. "While I stand by my word, and will support whatever this Council decides, I cannot countenance voting in support of so many wasted resources. I vote against her plan."


    All three of the men in the tent looked like they wanted to end her on the spot, and Mrs. Driver actually took a step toward her. I cut in with, "if we don''t let each member of the Council vote their conscience, there''s no point in having a Council in the first place. That''s two for and one against. General? Will you cast the deciding vote?"


    He smiled wryly, then said, "Should I vote against it, your wife will break the tie by voting for it anyhow. While I sympathize with Lady Orange''s worry about wasted resources, Odin only knows who or how many people this Plague will kill if we do not act against it swiftly and decisively. And as much as any other reason, I will not countenance the survival of someone or something that tried to kill my son as part of its murderous rampage. I vote for High Priestess Diaz'' plan."


    With the matter decided, the tension in the room drained away. Ophelia still looked a little put out about losing, and a lot put out by having a growing bruise on her cheek, but that could all be dealt with later. While I tried frantically to think of what we ought to do first, General Lancaster looked at me and asked, "so, how should we proceed?"


    Saffron? I''m a little bit out of my depth, and I''m starting to sink.


    She smiled at me and replied, I didn''t want to steal your spotlight, Goof. I''ll take it from here.


    After rapping the table once to get everyone''s attention, Saffron spoke. "First, since every Cadet beyond Freshman must be able to Assess Health, we need to Assess and if need be Cure all our Heroes and Cadets first. Once that is complete, Doctor DeLeon and Sister Siobhan will show our Heroes and Cadets how to tell if someone has this disease."


    Sister Siobhan cut in, "surely that''s not necessary?"


    I answered for Saffron. "I can Assess Health, but I have no idea how to understand half of the stuff it tells me." At the Sister''s wince, Saffron continued.


    "As soon as that training is done, our Senior Cadets will leave immediately, at their best possible speed, with no delay, for Phileo City and Camden Yards to announce and enforce the quarantine. They will also Assess and," here she paused, looking at General Lancaster. "General, do any of the Senior Cadets know the Cure Disease Spell?"


    He frowned, then said, "it''s not a popular Spell for Cadets to learn, but it''s not unheard of. My guess would be one in ten. Also, are you certain you want them travelling at night?"


    Saffron sighed. "One in ten will have to do, and unless I miss my guess, time is of the essence. If someone as well trained and healthy as Laurence nearly died to this plague, I shudder to think what it might have done to someone like my Grandmother."


    Speaking of, do you remember if she was Cured or not?


    Me? I''m the goofy one, don''t you remember? As soon as the plan is done making, I''ll check up on her.


    Thank you, beloved Goof.


    "Once our Heroes and Cadets here have been cleared, we will send our Heroes to collect and clear the Heroes of Newark and New Amsterdam. While they are doing that, our Cadets will move all of the Phileo and Camden volunteers and all of New Amsterdam''s levies to the east side of this field, then begin Assessing them. Anyone who isn''t diseased will move to the west side of the field, anyone who is will be Cured before moving to the west side of the field, where they will set up an encampment."


    Doctor DeLeon raised his hand, and when Saffron nodded to him, said, "are we certain our Cadets, or even our Heroes, might not know how to diagnose someone with Assess Health, even after our training, can we be sure they''ll do it properly?"


    Saffron sighed, closed her eyes a moment, then said, "every soldier will be Assessed by at least two different people, and any cases on which they disagree will come to one of you two for a decision. Unless you think we should just Cure them anyhow?"


    Sister Siobhan shook her head. "No; a few extra Assessments, even a lot extra, are still less Mana intensive than even one extra Cure."


    "Okay, then. Just to be sure, for the duration anyone showing any kind of symptoms will come to us for a Cure. Better safe than sorry. Once we have our Army and Officers clear, we''ll set up two groups. One group consisting of Heroes from Newark and New Amsterdam, with all of the Levies and half of our Volunteers, to enforce the quarantine. The other group we''ll break up into small groups of Heroes to go building to building, clearing everyone inside. Each group needs at least two who can Assess Health, as well as one who can Cure."


    Siobhan raised her hand like Doc DeLeon had done. "Some who can Cure are limited. I can only do it once every few hours, at best." Now that she said it, she did look more than a little rumpled.


    Saffron nodded. "We''ll send the rest of the Volunteers evenly divided among the Heroes and Cadets. Any groups whose healer can''t Cure any more at the moment will send Infected, escorted by one Volunteer, here to be Cured."


    "I can only do two before needing to rest. Frankly, I would need a good night''s sleep after that before I could do it again; the Sister can probably Cure more than me in a day."


    "Both of you save your Mana. Tabitha and I will handle those sent here to be Cured, as well as Curing those Heroes and soldiers who need it."


    The Doctor''s jaw dropped a little before he blurted out, "how many can you Cure?"


    Saffron smiled serenely. "As many as need be. The blessings of my Goddess are manifold."


    At that point, George said, "what about food?"


    Saffron looked at him, and he kind of shrugged, but Mrs. Driver followed up with, "I know plenty of people who don''t keep food in the house; they get their meals from Drivers'' on the way to and from work."


    Saffron took another deep breath. While she did she thought, ideas?


    Physical separation. Have food dropped off at every door. Might not be tasty, might not be much, but should keep everyone from starving.


    "Okay, then," she said, "as we clear buildings, we find out if there''s enough food to last everyone in the house for a week, and check if anyone in the house knows how to cook stuff that will last for a week. Anyone who does we''ll draft into preparing food, everyone who doesn''t and can carry will drop food off at every door in the city. No contact with the inhabitants. Just knock, leave the food, and go."


    "Who''ll pay for all that?" asked Ophelia. Because of course she did.


    "If someone believes their livelihood has been put at risk by our deliveries, once the quarantine is over they can petition the Inter-City Council to recompense them. Which we will, but only if their business will fail if we don''t." She turned to the Drivers. "If we confiscated all the food at Drivers'', would that bankrupt you?"


    Mama Driver just snorted. "Hardly. Oh, we might not be able to feed quite so many people on credit for a bit after that, but put us out of business? No."


    Mister Driver spoke up after that. "If you can clear us and our staff, we could cover most of the Yards. We might need runners for delivery, though."


    I pointed to him and looked around the room, "if someone volunteers something like that, we should bend the plan for them, because if people who know how to do shit are doing it, it gets fucked up way less often. But still, no contact between cleared people and un-cleared ones."


    "What about the people doing the Assessing and Curing?" asked George.


    Saffron facepalmed. "Good point. Those doing Assessments and Cures are the only ones to contact those not yet cleared. Runners sent back to here with those in need of Cures will be Assessed and, if need be, Cured here." She turned to me, a sour look so carefully hidden that I only recognized it because, y''know, I could tell what she was thinking. "High Priestess Diaz, can you do as I''ll be doing, but in Phileo and Camden Yards?"


    Fuck. Another crisis where we had to work separately. This sucked, mightily. I kept that just as carefully concealed as I said, "Absolutely."


    "Good. Once everyone in all four Cities have been checked, the Cities themselves will remain quarantined from the countryside until such time as we have evidence that the disease hasn''t spread outside the cities. No one enters a City without being Assessed and if need be Cured. If they need to be Cured, we need to find out where they''re from and where they''ve been over the month prior; those places will need to be quarantined and cleared, just like we''re doing with our Cities." She looked around the room. "Any Questions?"


    General Lancaster looked around the room himself, then asked, quietly, "are we certain that we have to do this? Are we certain we can do this?"


    I nodded as I cut in, "if we don''t? Millions could die. Our Cities could die, along with every soul in them. As for being able to do it?" I sighed, my shoulder''s slumping.


    I have faith in you, Goof.


    I smiled at that. "Together. One person at a time. Yes, we can."

 Day One Hundred And Sixty Nine

    Dear Diary,


    I hate boring repetitive shit. What makes it worse? I might not even mind if I were doing the boring repetitive shit with Saffron as company. Or even Marie, though the conversation might get a little ''talking to myself'', what with her monosyllabic habits. Shit, at this point I''d take the Menace; she might well get into all kinds of mischief, but at least it wouldn''t be boring.


    So I didn''t get any sleep the night before last. Saffron had us all up and working, including herself, all night long until every Hero and soldier from all four cities had been Assessed clean, after Curing them if need be. At that point her personal job got a little less frantic, since from then on we were the Cure of Last Resort. Of course, at that point I had to head back to Phileo to get the ball rolling there. The whole Inter-City Council signed both a second copy of the Inter-City Constitution and a writeup of the Emergency Anti-Plague Plan addressed to Headmaster Miles, Marshall duBois, and the rest of the Phileo City Council. There was a little dickering about which of the Academy Healers would head back with me to train others how to spot the disease, and to act as the final Assessor in disputed cases.


    I mean, I could''ve just as easily Cured everyone who came to us, but frankly? I didn''t want everyone thinking I stopped the whole fuckin'' plague by myself. I''ve got no problem helping someone who can''t help themselves, and the victims of a pandemic plague fall pretty squarely in that spot.


    Of course, it didn''t help that, while Saffron and Doc DeLeon were stationed in the Council tent, which had now become the Curing tent, my posting? Right at the top of the Academy steps. Pretty much right where Rocky''s statue lived for a while. It bugged me that I couldn''t remember if it had been moved, or moved then moved back, or what. But then, I''m not sure I ever knew that, so it wouldn''t be me forgetting so much as me not knowing in the first place.


    Sister Siobhan looked up at me from the chair she sat in, leaning over a kettle with a little fire under it. I could barely see her face through the fuzzy edging of the fur hat she wore; when Lancaster heard about her intent to sit next to me at the top of the steps? He insisted she wear his fur coat. She was kinda swimming in it, since Lancaster was a little taller than me, and Sister Siobhan was a much more ''average sized woman''; maybe four or five inches shorter than me. Not Saffron or Potami short, but enough shorter and smaller that she looked like she''d stolen her big brother''s coat.


    "Are you certain you don''t need anything? A coat? A chair? Something hot from the kettle?"


    I shook my head, and the side of me facing her tingled. I held back a sigh; it felt wrong to let her worship me in any kind of sense, but her absolute adoration when we arrived in Phileo is the only reason I didn''t collapse. I turned my head to look her in the eye and said, "Don''t worry about it. Blessing of Loki, who is himself an old school Jotnar. I can feel the cold, but it doesn''t really bother me. Also, if I put a coat on folks wouldn''t see this," I ran one hand down the long side of The Dress. I''d spotted more people coming up to us from following the tingles back to their sources than I had by, y''know, just seeing them on the street. This being the second day of quarantine, at the moment my view down the Boulevard was clear, but yesterday the day had been overcast, and they spotted me and The Dress at the top of the steps, backed by the mostly-white fa?ade of the Academy, long before I saw them.


    The air smelled like snow, but I really hoped it wouldn''t. Standing here in the cold got me a lot of looks; half awed and half veiled scorn, but standing here in a blizzard would just make it worse.


    Hey Boss? You got any way to calm the fuckin'' weather down?


    Apologies, my Champion, but I have neither divine control of the weather, nor mortal Spells to alter it. In point of fact, I could possibly call on my father''s power, but that would inevitably make the storm worse, not better.


    Fair point. Just figured I''d ask.


    For what it''s worth, Tabitha Diaz, if it snows, people will have yet another reason to stay inside.


    True that. Thanks Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    I spotted four Volunteers coming down the Boulevard, walking in a square around somebody in the middle of them. Kinda weird; so far the only guy who''d had more than one escort was a big dude who had such a bad case that he''d barely been conscious. This guy definitely didn''t seem that big, and also seemed to walk just fine. They waved at the base of the steps, then prodded the dude ahead of all four of them. When they got within about ten feet, I called out, "hey, guys. What''s up?"


    The four of them looked at each other, and after a moment one of them looked back at me and said, "our unit caught this guy breaking quarantine. The Cadets there sent them here for you to decide what to do with them."


    I ran a hand through my hair, wincing a little as it caught in the wind-blown tangles. "Shit, I dunno. Dude, what''s your name?"


    "Peter, ma''am." He sounded pretty beaten already, but I''d done that myself on the regular back in Camden when somebody had me dead to rights.


    I looked him up and down and said, "okay, Peter. What were you doing out on the street?"


    With eyes wide he said, "I was just trying to find some food for my family!"


    One of the Volunteers shook his head. "We caught him going door to door, trying to sell food out of a sack."


    I cocked my head. "What''d you do with the sack of food?"


    "The Cadets sent a runner to Drivers with it."


    I nodded. "Good call. Was he trying to sell to folks who had been cleared already, or folks who hadn''t?"


    The Volunteer I''d been chatting with heaved a sigh. "You know how the Cadets are supposed to have one group on each side of a street?"


    I did not like where this was going. "Yeah... by the way, what''s your name?"


    "Frances, ma''am."


    "Street sides, Frances."


    He looked at the stone under my feet and said, "the group on the north side of the street hit a big house that had been split into tenements. Our group, on the south side of the road, was like a block ahead of them when we spotted him crossing the street from one side to the other."


    "Mother FUCKER!" I screamed my frustration at the uncaring sky. I turned to Peter, lunged at him, grabbed him by his hair and yanked him off his feet, dragging him up the last few streets and holding him out to Sister Siobhan. "Sister, Assess this sorry excuse for an attempted mass murderer."


    He''d been trying to get his feet back under him, and I''d been yanking him or straight up kicking his feet or hands back out from under him while I dragged him. When I mentioned the word ''murder'', he stopped trying to regain his footing and stammered, "No! I... I didn''t... I couldn''t. I didn''t hurt anybody!"


    While Siobhan, looking a little aghast at my treatment of this walking plague vector, went through the motions of Assess Health, I dragged his face around to mine. "Listen, you dumb sack of shit. The quarantine is to give us a chance to stop a plague from destroying the city. Without it, we''re gonna get sick people mixing with healthy ones, making them sick, who go on to make others sick in turn. Right now you''ve just cost them, by my estimate, a couple hours work at least. Which means everyone who dies an hour before we could get to them, from now to the end of the fuckin'' plague? That shit is on you, asshole."


    "But... but..."


    "Yeah, I know, you were thinking with your butt. Unfortunately, that doesn''t change the hard, cold fact that you''ve probably killed a dozen people by now." I clenched the hand wound through his hair, and he winced, but didn''t say anything else. He started crying, but that was probably like the whole ''just looking for food'' story. "Shut the hell up and let me think."


    "Tabitha?"


    Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.


    "Yes, Sister?"


    "He''s infected with the Plague."


    I sighed and looked at the soldiers. "Gentlemen, line up and let the Sister check you. No fault of yours if you''ve gotten shit on you escorting this asshole here."


    I turned back to Peter and hit him with a slightly overpowered Cure. Not that I thought he needed or deserved it, but since he''d had it already, he was one less vector this shit could travel through after I Cured him. he opened his mouth and I growled, "not a fucking word, or I see if I can throw you onto the Boulevard without hitting the fucking steps before I decide what your sentence is going to be."


    Boss? Can you do me a solid?


    I got a mental chuckle, followed by, what did you need, Tabitha Diaz, Champion who would fight a Plague?


    If I winced a little at that, it didn''t stop me asking, do you have some way to track everywhere this asshole has been since the quarantine began?


    I know of many ways, but most would require some object tied to him.


    Is the jackass himself enough of an object?


    I was thinking a blood or hair sample, but yes, that would do nicely.


    Once you''ve got his path, could you send Lyman to guide some Cadets to each building he''s visited?


    Certainly, Tabitha.


    I looked at Sister Siobhan, said, "I''ll be right back," and stepped to Loki''s cave. I threw Peter on the floor next to Loki, who asked, "what shall we do with him when I''m done?"


    I made sure Peter was looking at me before I said, "I''d say feed him to Mister Slither, but I''d kinda like whatever''s left of him to post up as a warning to others. You got a last name, Peter?"


    "Peter Pennypack, ma''am."


    "Well, Peter Pennypack, here''s what''s gonna happen. You''re going to do every fucking thing he," I pointed at Loki, "says, and if you impress him enough that he doesn''t kill you out of hand or feed you to his snake when he''s done? You''re going to spend some time in a public pillory, with a sign listing out how many deaths we can attribute directly to you."


    "Yes, ma''am! Yes, sir! Yes ma''am!" having prostrated himself before me, Loki, and Sigyn, he wound up facing Mister Slither, who''d wrapped himself around Peter''s legs while he was busy kissing ass. "Yes, sir?" he said before Slither covered his mouth and proceeded to carry him over and hold him, more or less upright, directly in front of where Loki sat in his new chair from Yule.


    "Need anything when I come back to fetch what''s left of him, Boss?"


    Loki smiled. "I''ll be sure to let you know if I think of something." He turned to Peter, the smile dropping away to be replaced by a much more chilling look of bemusement as with one hand he pushed two of Slither''s coils apart to uncover Peter''s belly, the other picking up a glittering knife from the table. "Let us begin."


    On that note, I stepped back to the Academy. Sister Siobhan looked at me and said, "only one of the Volunteers is infected," and pointed at Frances.


    I shook my head, stepped over to Frances, and lay a hand on him saying, "this shouldn''t hurt, but it does feel a little weird if it''s your first time."


    He chuckled as I fed the Mana into the Cure Spell, and said, "heh. That''s what sheeeeooooomygoddess that''s really fuckin'' weird. Sorry about the language, Ma''am."


    I smiled at him. "No problem. I''ve even been known to use some foul language myself at times."


    "You don''t say?"


    "No, really. How far were you guys from Drivers''?"


    Frances shrugged, the gesture made a little odd by the layers of clothing the Volunteers wore to keep the cold off. "Five minute walk."


    I pulled him over to the other three, said, ''join hands'', and when they did I stepped the five of us to Drivers''. "We''re not going to be walking. Lead on, Frances, as fast as you can." We sprinted about a block, then settled into a run for another nine. I glanced back once to make sure the other three were keeping up with Frances and I, only to have all three of them snap their gaze level the moment my head turned. I suppose at a run it became painfully obvious I''d been out of clean panties this morning. Fuck it, if it kept them running to keep up with the view? It kept them running.


    We slowed to a jog when we got within shouting distance of a group of about a dozen Volunteers and two Freshman Cadets. Almost none of the Freshman Cadets knew Cure, but most of them knew Assess, and they''d all been run through a crash course in detecting this particular plague by Sister Siobhan. When I got closer and realized how much the Cadets towered over most of the Volunteers, I realized who was inside of those big poofy fur coats. "Rider! Rosen! Long time no see! You guys were the one who caught our little would be plague spreader?"


    "Peter Pennypack?"


    "That''s the asshole in question, yeah." I shook my head and looked back down the street; it was obvious which parts they hadn''t hit yet; the snow from last night lay smooth and unbroken. "I got bad news, worse news, one tiny bright spot of good news, and one bit that is good or bad depending on how pissed you are at Peter Pennypack."


    Rosen looked a little confused, but Rider just sighed and said, "hit me."


    "You''re going to have to recheck everyone in every building that shit stain piece of human filth got access to since the beginning of curfew. While you''re doing that, whoever is doing those tenements is going to need to cover both sides of this street."


    I thought, quick update for you, Boss, then sent him live feed of my conversation.


    "Now, the good news is that I have a close personal friend who is something of a divination expert, who can lead you to exactly which buildings Peter went to. Do you remember Lyman? Guy who came to lunch a couple times with me?"


    Rider looked baffled, but Rosen said, "slender build, really average looking guy, who still wound up standing out for some reason?"


    "Yeah, that''s Lyman in a nutshell. You guys are gonna go tell whoever is working the tenements about having to cover both sides of the streets until you''re done checking Peter''s back trail. Can you handle that?"


    Rider shrugged. "We''ll tell them you gave the orders, and they can come argue with you if they don''t like it. It''s not like we won''t be working, so I''m guessing it won''t be a problem."


    They''ll be waiting for you by the tenement just down the street from here, Boss. At that point, I cut the feed and continued. "Now, as for Peter, as soon as he''s done being the focus for a bunch of divination magic, he''s gonna be in a pillory in that open block next to Drivers''."


    I paused, and Rosen said, "in this weather? That''s practically a death sentence, Diaz."


    "Which is why I want you two to keep track of how much time checking his back trail takes. From now until the end of the plague, any time you find a dead body that would have been a live, curable person if Peter hadn''t pulled his bullshit? I want you to add another mark to the tally board I''m gonna put next to his fuckin'' pillory, because each and every one of them is a death he fuckin'' caused by being a greedy asshole."


    Rider let out a whistle. "You gonna do that to everyone who breaks quarantine?"


    I shrugged. "Depends why they''re breaking it. Some poor bastard breaks quarantine to bring me his dying kid? I''m probably gonna Cure the kid, check and cure him if need be, hand his kid to the Maenads to watch over then put him to some hard labor until the end of the plague, because everybody who isn''t sheltering in place has to have a fuckin'' job to do if we''re gonna get this done. Somebody like Peter, who''s trying to make a fuckin'' profit off of a plague? Especially after we post Peter out in the town square for everybody to see? I''m gonna have to get creative with those motherfuckers."


    Nobody responded to that. We all sat there just breathing for a bit. Them with steam coming out their mouths, me trying to get myself out of ''shove this motherfucker''s head up his own ass'' mode. When I''d counted to twenty in my head, I looked around the group. "You all know what you need to do?" Rider and Rosen nodded, the rest called out some variation of ''yes, ma''am''. "Then get to it." I stepped back to the top of the Academy steps.


    Only to find a line of six patients, each escorted by a Volunteer, except the guy waiting fifth in line; his Volunteers carried him, one with a grip on his legs, the other with a grip under his arms. The dude was white as a sheet, and blood and mucous stains covered his shirt. As I walked toward the line, a coughing fit bent him double, and I heard things breaking as he literally coughed himself to death.


    Some part of me that I don''t want to admit to wanted to let him. He''d just be the first in a long list of bodies at Peter Pennypack''s feet.


    But that''s not who I am. Who I want to be. I may have thousands of deaths to my name, but none of them would be someone I could have saved, but didn''t. Fury raced through me at the thought of what Peter had done, and a single word slipped from my lips. "Stop."


    Everything froze in place. In my wireframe world, I saw coughing man''s soul being torn from his body by his own lungs. I walked over, pushed it back in, and in rapid order Stabilized him, Cured him, then Healed him. Then some part of me that I try not to recognize reached out and passed through him, sweeping like five pounds of blood, mucous, and bone splinters out of his body and onto the steps. I exhaled, and time and light came back. The guy who had been coughing his life away a moment before looked up at me. I reached out a hand, and he took it as the two Volunteers with him set him on his feet. He tried to drop to his knees, but I held him up, pulled him in for a quick bro-hug, then turned to Sister Siobhan. "How are the Volunteers looking?"


    "All of them need Curing, I''m afraid."


    I nodded, then turned back to the guy who kept trying to go to his knees. I met his gaze and said, "I gotta get to Curing these folks before they wind up as bad off as you were. Think you can keep yourself upright and off the cold fuckin'' steps until I''m done that?"


    He stood despite himself, saying, "Yes, holiness."


    I rolled my eyes and started for the head of the line. "All of you being Cured; since whatever building you quarantined in has been checked, you''ll have the option of Volunteering to help with the process of stopping this plague, or going back into quarantine to shelter in place until we''re done. I''m afraid we don''t have the manpower to let people change their minds about sheltering in place, but we''ve already had a few Volunteers go back into quarantine because they just couldn''t take it. But if you do Volunteer, you''ll be able to go see your people, once, to let them know you''ve been Cured and you''re helping out. Everybody got that?"


    At a murmured chorus of ''yes'', interspersed with a few coughs, a hack, and an abortive upchuck from one of the Volunteers who had stepped in the pile that came out of coughing man''s lungs, I stretched a little, nodded to Sister Siobhan, and turned to the dozen people still waiting for cures. "Line up. It''s time for me to get to work."


    Y''know? As much as I might bitch about it? I think I actually like this work more than what I did on the battlefield before Yule. No real moral dilemmas, just ''see sick person, make them not sick, rinse and repeat several hundred thousand times''.


    Fuck. I just made it boring for myself. Again. Dumb Bitch, thy name is Tabitha.


    I heard that, Goofus Maximus.


    Ah, shit. Now I''m in real trouble.

 Day One Hundred And Seventy

    Dear Diary,


    I never imagined that something could be terrifying and boring at the same time.


    I mean, I''m not really terrified for myself at the moment. Eh, fuck that, really, I''m not terrified for myself at all. Between being formally educated to be a badass Hero, being a Primordial Deity, having survived dozens of me dying during the battle at the walls, healing shit that the Healers tell me ''can''t heal or be healed'', and my own youthful sense of invincibility? Yeah, I might get jump scared now and then, and I''m certainly still keeping my Secret Identity on the down-low, but I''m not really afraid, let alone terrified.


    But I''ve got people I care about. Loki, Sigyn, and even Isnomi are all Deities, and even with Isnomi something in the back of my head whispers, ''she bullied The Smith''. Hell, Conrad himself has been a little freaky, but no worse than having a kid who''s a different flavor of neurospicy. I don''t really get him, and he freaks me out now and then, but I guess you can''t engage Mom Mode without starting to actually care about somebody. Marie, apparently, will just up and respawn if she dies, so long as she''s properly ripped apart after? Certainly makes ''ritual Sparagmos'' a lot less scary, while simultaneously a lot creepier. Grandma Aetos... Y''know, she kinda reminds me of my own mom, even if she''s an in-law? But she''s clearly lived a long, full life. Given how she just rolls with shit, I''m pretty sure she''s got a bit of that ''everything after xyz is bonus time'' going on. If she died tomorrow, I''d be sad, but not devastated. Old people die, new ones are born. That might seem a little cold, but you get really good at speedrunning the Stages of Grief growing up in places like Camden.


    Yeah, I know, that leaves just one person on the list. Okay, two, but we both know the one I''ve been avoiding. The love of my life, the one I can''t imagine life without, the one I would rip the world apart to save. The one I would do really shady shit just to see her smile. Saffron Aetos.


    Part of me wants to see if I can get Loki to tap her with that ''demigod'' wand of his; if I didn''t earn him enough Glory for that beating Artemis in the one vee one, I''m pretty sure kicking the shit out of an entire Army did.


    But I can''t, for the same reason I couldn''t take the Imperator job if Saffron had said ''no''.


    I don''t remember where I heard the idea. Might have been in class back in Camden. Might have been something I read in those endless afternoons in the library at Eastside. Maybe in a non-fic book on philosophy of government? Maybe in a sci fi or fantasy book? At this point, I don''t even fucking know, but it stuck with me.


    Immortal rulers of a mortal population are a fuckin'' abomination.


    I mean, Kings and Emperors and shit, ''Nobility''? Bad enough on the face of it. The idea that somebody''s just better than somebody else because of what vagina they popped out of is pretty repugnant, especially if you''re one of the ones who popped out of a ''lower class'' hoo hah. But there''s always the thought that Death is the ultimate leveler of the playing field. No matter how bad the Big Man is, eventually he''s gonna die, and somebody else will get a try.


    Make that Big Man immortal? Now you''ve created Hell on Earth. Okay, maybe Heaven on Earth. That''s a possibility, I guess. But I think you can tell which way a kid who grew up on the streets thinks that coin flip is gonna land.


    So yeah, no immortality for Saffron. Not while she''s Imperator, at least, and I gotta tell you something; not only does she seem to really love the job on some level? Watching her do that shit is hot as fuck. Not only that, but I guess her being as mortal as anybody else makes sure I have skin in the game, keeps me from turning into one of the shitty excuses for ''Gods'' in the here and now.


    Now, I''m sure you''re wondering, ''Tabitha, you''re funny and you smell nice and people love you, what brought on this big maudlin introspection?''


    I''ve been awake since fucking Saturday, and I''ve hit the point where I don''t have to even think about it to Cure somebody. Or Assess them, really.


    So it took about six hours for Rider and Rosen to backtrack Peter Pennypack''s path of Typhoid Mary plague carrying. He''s in a set of stocks the Marshall pulled out of cold storage from somewhere, sitting in full view of Drivers''. Last night somebody threw a couple shitty blankets over him. His sign has nine marks on it already. Somebody else threw rocks at him; he''s missing a tooth and one of his fingers is clearly broken, not to mention the rocks scattered around the base of the stocks. The Drivers sent somebody out to feed him.


    A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    I stood at the top of the steps, staring out at the City. Watching the line of Infected and Volunteers trudging toward me. I''d gotten two meals already since sunup, so it had to be after lunch, right? Clouds covered the sky from edge to edge, the indirect lighting giving the whole place an unearthly quality. I looked at the next batch, firing off an Assess on the next Volunteer in line. I really didn''t need to. Before they reached me, I Shaped one cure. At a distance of about three feet I hit the Infected with it, a young woman with curly red hair and freckles. She fell on her knees and thanked me while I fired another Cure at her escort. I reached down, took her hand, and unceremoniously yanked her to her feet, then gently pushed her toward Headmaster Miles. He''d moved a desk out to the landing near me, and handled the whole ''Volunteer or go back to Quarantine'' thing.


    The next pair came in range. Infected an old woman this time, hair gray and thinning, wrinkled like last years apples. Cured her. Healed her just for good measure. Cured her escort. Next Infected. Kid. Boy, I think, too young to tell. Cure. Heal. Cure his escort, who''d carried him here because the kid didn''t have any shoes. Nodded the other direction, where Sister Cheryl sat with a couple runners and a stack of... stuff. Food. Clothes. Wood. Coal.


    Next pair. Big guy, trying to keep himself from coughing. Lost control and hawked up phlegm all over me. Terrified. I Cured him, Healed him, shoved him toward the Marshall, Cured his escort, Healed him as well when I saw him limp; maybe he had to carry the big guy part of the way.


    Someone in line halfway down the Boulevard fell over. Didn''t get up. Step. "Stop." World went wireframe. Cured her. Stabilized her. Healed her. Cured her escort. Stepped back up to my spot, dropped both of them towards the Marshall. "Go." Color returned, washed out by the eldritch light under the clouds. Cure, Heal, Cure, push. Cure, Heal, Cure, push.


    Saffron?


    Yes, beloved?


    What''s the population of Phileo?


    Around two hundred thousand people.


    What about Camden?


    Around one hundred thousand.


    I sighed. Juggled some numbers in my head. This is gonna take fuckin'' weeks. You sure there''s no ''Mass Cure'' out there?


    I''ve been working on something during my breaks. I''ll let you know if it goes anywhere, but Cure is so Mana intensive, I suspect very few mortals will be able to Shape it.


    Fuck.


    No time, Goof.


    I shook my head to clear it, wait, did you just say breaks?


    They haven''t given you any breaks?


    They who? I mean, technically the Marshall is in charge of the overall effort here. I''m just Curing the Infected folks from teams whose Healer ran out of Mana to Cure people. I don''t think I''ve said much to him since this whole thing started. For a bit I got nothing but silence, so I filled in, nobody made me do it. It just needs to be done.


    The merely mortal among us still need rest and sleep. Which you should be getting, too.


    I shook my head, then smiled at the next person in line so they knew I wasn''t warning them off. Cure. Heal. Cure. Nudge. I''ve gotten down to about fifteen seconds per set of Infected and Volunteer.


    Fifteen... Tabitha Diaz, how many people are in line waiting for you to Cure them?


    I looked out over the line. Uh, lots. the line stretches at least to where the Boulevard turns.


    You can''t end the whole plague by yourself, Goof.


    Not with that attitude I can''t.


    Suddenly she appeared, arms already out to pull me to her. I sagged into her embrace. Keeping my eyes open was so fuckin'' hard. Cure. Heal. Cure. Wave one hand toward the Marshall. Saffron ran her hand over my hair, just gently stroking it. Cure. Heal. Cure. Wave.


    After I healed maybe a dozen sets, she pulled back a little. "Oh, shit. I just realized."


    I shook my head, asking the question with my eyes. Cure, Heal, Cure, Wave.


    She shook her own head, then said, "you''ve got the teams of Freshman Cadets. Almost none of whom have someone who can Cure."


    Figure crumpled. Step. "Stop." Stabilize. Cure. Heal. Cure. Stepped back with them in tow. Ignored the twinge deep inside; it''s hurt so long it''s mostly gone numb. "Go." Cure. Heal. Cure.


    Saffron blinked. "What did you just do?"


    Cure. Heal. Cure. Wave. "Stopped time. Can''t be sure they''ll still be alive otherwise." Cure. Heal. Cure. Wave. Saffron hugged me. My shoulder got wet; I pulled back enough to see her weeping.


    "I wish you could, just once, see yourself the way I see you."


    I looked through her eyes. I looked like absolute shit. Little bits of sweat and puke and snot all over me. Cure. Heal. Cure. Wave. Hit myself with Loki''s cleaning trick. That really stung, like I''d just chugged a bottle of dry cleaning fluid. Cure. Heal. Cure. Wave. Blinked away the image of me, clean. Bruised eyes, little haggard, but nothing I could do about that. Cure. Heal. Cure. Wave.


    Saffron stepped away. I heard her dictate something to the Marshall. He argued? Maybe? His voice was too growly for me to really pick up on details. Cure. Heal. Cure. Wave. Flicker of fuzzy darkness and sound died. Saffron stepped back to me. "The Marshall will see to it that this evening or tomorrow morning the Freshman Cadets will get training in Cure Disease."


    I nodded. "Sounds good." Cure. Heal. Cure. Wave. She buried her face in my chest and clung to me. I put one arm around her, because directing the Mana without a free hand gave me less reach. Cure, Heal, Cure, wave.


    I don''t know how long she stood there like that, but after a while she sighed. "I''ve got to get back to Newark."


    I leaned down and kissed her, far more briefly than I wanted to. Cure, Heal, Cure, wave. "I love you, Kitten."


    "I love you too, Goof." Then she was gone.


    Cure. Heal. Cure. Wave.

 Day One Hundred And Seventy-One

    Dear Diary,


    Sometimes, when it really counts, people surprise you.


    Once in a while, they even do it in a good way.


    So, with nothing else for my brain to do, I worked out the math. About three hundred Senior Cadets, all of whom can Cure now. Apparently Hero training works the old Mana muscles, because unlike Sister Siobhan, who can cure one an hour if she pushes herself, and Doc DeLeon, who can do two a day, our Senior Cadets can cure an average of five before they''re tapped, and only need an average of an hour to recover enough to do another five. The hundred or so Freshman Cadets we''ve got can manage about half that many, and take twice as long to recover. Call it one an hour. Most of them really can''t go more than twelve hours of doing that before they need to have twelve hours of down time. We learned that the hard way. Carruthers, of all people, turned out to have a stupid amount of Mana and recovered it pretty quick, too. His team was doing a bang-up job of clearing out Market Street, the one in Philly. His team told me he''d been looking a little ragged and woozy after pushing down the street all the way around the clock. Then, right in the middle of a Cure, he collapsed.


    Sister Siobhan tells me he''s still in a Healing Coma. If he''s still there when we get past this, I''ll have to do something about that.


    At any rate, that''s about nineteen thousand Cures in a day. Round it up to twenty thousand a day, because late yesterday one of the Universities on the far side of the Schuylkill sent over a gaggle of Healers and Trainees who can Cure. Not a lot of them, and each one only adds a bit, but between the lot of them they can do a thousand a day; the Marshall shuffled things around so they were on teams with Heroes and Cadets, since folks were more willing to open doors when they see the red jackets.


    The Marshall approved of my treatment of Peter. There''s half a dozen folks in stocks where I can see them in the park in the middle of the Boulevard. I''d say Peter has the same amount who joined him, but that would be a lie.


    He''s dead. The Drivers made sure he didn''t die of exposure or starvation, but some time after dark last night someone snuck over and slit his throat.


    Just another death I''m ultimately responsible for.


    McCann posted some Cured Teamsters around the stocks this morning. Turns out running this kind of massive operation has more in common with keeping all the commerce in a City moving than it does with running an army. His house got cleared late last night, and he''s been working with the Marshall since then, letting duBois take a break without us losing our coordination. For what its worth, every Teamster we''ve cleared since then has Volunteered. So we''ve got an endless supply of muscle, for what that''s worth. They''re the ones that caught the guys breaking quarantine to make a quick profit.


    The ones in the park in front of me don''t have Teamsters watching them. They don''t need it. I''m here and can see them, after all.


    So, all told the rest of the City''s Healers are Curing about twenty thousand a day now. I only can do around seventy five hundred a day myself; if I try to go faster I screw up the Cure. It''s a little complex. I''ve stopped Assessing the Volunteers, though. Almost all of them are infected, and reading the results of Assess are just too much for me at the moment.


    Around noon, I heard Sister Siobhan come out after her lunch break. "Tabitha?"


    Cure, Heal, Cure, wave. "What''s up, Sister?"


    She took my right hand, since my left moved more or less constantly through the motions of Cure and Heal. Pressed something into it. "Eat."


    Cure, Heal, Cure, wave. Looked down to see a foot-long loaf of dark Dining Hall bread with a chunk carved out, some stuff shoved into it, and the bread crust slapped back over the top to keep the stuff inside. "Thank you."


    Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    She stepped past me, pulled the next pair out of line to work on herself. When she finished she looked over to me. "It doesn''t eat itself, Tabitha."


    Cure, Heal, Cure, wave. Something related to smile stretched across my face. "That''s what she said." Most people were too far away to hear me, I guess, especially with the wind kicking up and blowing snow around, but a few of the Volunteers in the line chuckled. The next Infected in line actually laughed, until they doubled over coughing. Cure. Heal. Cure. wave. Laughing woman hugged me, laughing, more than a bit of Hysteria laced through it. "Please go to the desk, ma''am, there are others waiting in line." Cure, Heal, Cure, wave.


    The Sister scooped another pair out of line. "Tabitha, you really ought to eat it before it gets cold."


    Hell, it worked before. "That''s what she said." More snickers, although the Infected didn''t laugh this time. Too out of it, his Volunteer was just carrying him. Cure, Heal, Cure, wave. The guy started coughing up phlegm, and his Volunteer guided him off to the side where he could clear the crap out of his lungs without getting it on anybody else or holding up the line.


    "Tabitha, Isnomi helped make that. If you don''t eat it this instant, I''m going to go tell her, and she''ll cry because her Mama won''t eat the food she worked so hard to make."


    Lacking any kind of coherent response to that, my right arm moved on it''s own to shove the sandwich in my mouth before I could come up with another snappy comeback. Not half bad. Turkey, or chicken, or some kind of bird. Salt. Some kind of vegetable. Cheese, lots of cheese holding the whole thing together. I suspected it had started out melted, but by now it had frozen kinda solid. Cure, Heal, Cure, wave. I masticated it until I could swallow, curing the next few sets of Infected and Volunteer while working my way through the rest of it.


    Someone in line down by the park fell. "Stop." Step, Cure, Heal, Cure, Step, "Go." Something tore deep inside me, but I didn''t have time for that. It would heal, it always did. Cure, Heal, Cure, wave.


    The Sister walked over to stand beside me, opposite where the cured would pass by to head to the Marshall, or McCann, or whoever was manning the volunteer desk at the moment. I''d told them to move it inside last night, but they didn''t listen to me. Stubborn fuckers.


    "Tabitha, you realize that man had just slipped and fallen on the ice?"


    Cure, Heal, Cure, wave. I shrugged. "Takes longer to check." I realized something. "Did you just Cure four people in a row?"


    She made some weird sound somewhere between a gasp and a hiccup before answering. "No. The Volunteers weren''t infected. I did Cure both of the ones they escorted, though." I could hear the blush in her voice. "It seems that all this practice has paid off. Not only has my Cure skill apparently increased, but I''ve more Mana to spend now too."


    Cure, Heal, Cure, wave. I loosed something between a bark and a laugh. "Good training."


    A warm weight settled over my back, one I recognized without looking. "Hey, Kitten. Taking a break?"


    She shook her head, her hair tickling my ass a little where the long pony tail she''d taken to wearing brushed against it. "I thought you might need one?"


    Cure, Heal, Cure, wave. I sighed. "Sorry, Kitten." I nodded to the line. "Can''t take a break until the line''s empty."


    She sighed, worked her way around my right side, careful not to jostle my right arm; I''d explained how I could get a little more range, a little more speed, if I wove my hand through the shape, and she remembered. Of course she did, my Kitten was smarter than ten of me put together. Nicer, too. She slipped her arms around me and just stood there.


    Cure. Heal, Cure, wave. "I thought you weren''t taking a break?"


    The warmth of her breath against my breast felt like fire. I think I''d forgotten to move long enough that the wind had mostly chilled my skin down to room temperature. Well, ''not quite blizzard outdoors'' temperature. Couldn''t hurt me, but couldn''t be comfortable either. Then again, all but her face was covered by a black floor length fur cloak. The hood dangled behind her, letting her pony tail fall free. "I''m supposed to be doing so. I guess this is where I''ll take it."


    Cure, Heal, Cure, wave. I reached around behind her and pulled her hood up, then put my right arm around her and pulled her to me. Cure, Heal, Cure, wave. She felt nice tucked under my arm like that. We stood there just like that for a while, me curing, her just leaning against me. Eventually she sighed and pushed away. "Gotta go?" Cure, Heal, Cure, wave.


    "In more ways than one, I''m afraid, and I''ll need to take care of one before I head back." She waited until I finished my current set, then pulled me down, pulled herself up. Her lips met mine, our eyes slid closed, and for a few seconds all that existed was lips of fire and the smell of her. She dropped back away and, as I cured the next pair, said, "when you''re done recovering from this, I look forward to warming you up again, Goof."


    Cure, Heal, Cure, wave. I smiled down at her. "Me too, Kitten."


    She stepped away, leaving me alone with the line of people to be cured.


    Cure. Heal. Cure. Wave.

 Day One Hundred And Seventy-Two

    Dear Diary,


    It''s funny; between Bill, Isnomi, Loki, and Saffron, I''ve kinda gotten used to being the one to come riding to the rescue. I didn''t expect someone to come riding to my rescue.


    So after five nights and four days, I''d gotten really good at Curing people, as you might imagine. I still couldn''t do more than six a minute; when I tried the Cures fell apart. Some time during night five, I stopped doing Heals on anyone except the folks who had coughed themselves bloody and those who collapsed on their way up the Boulevard. So far I''d had three sandwiches and six bowls of soup. I''m not sure how me, y''know, not eating hasn''t set off anybody''s ''something not right'' alarm bells, but then again, nobody really said anything about me eating enough for a football team and not getting spherical. At a guess? Most people probably thought ''oh, teenager, probably gonna be sick tonight / tomorrow''. Then think that again and again without really paying attention.


    People seemed to be pretty good at not noticing things that didn''t impact them directly.


    This morning, just after dawn stopped shining in my eyes, Isnomi toddled out of the Academy. I don''t know who did it, but she''d been bundled up until she resembled a sphere with stubby arms and legs sticking out, and a big furry cap with earflaps tied to her shoulders. When she saw me, she called out a muffled, "Momma! Momma!", then made a beeline for me. I glanced over to make sure she''d got herself bundled up, then shook my head and sighed as her path took her straight through a drift of snow the Maids hadn''t swept away. Anybody with enough Mana to sweep the steps magically had already been pressed into service Curing as many people as they could, so the Maids came out with brooms and swept a path to duBois and McCann''s desk, another from that desk to the top of the steps where I stood, and finally a solid ten foot wide section of the steps themselves. I had no idea how they got the ice off the steps with nothing but brooms, but the steps shone because the Maids polished them afterward, not because they had ice on them.


    Of course, the Volunteers and Heroes pretty universally wound up forging their own stomped paths down the hill beside the steps. I guess they''d realized if they already had water, snow, or ice on their boots, they couldn''t very well move fast on the steps. At least once I''d stepped down and Cured and Healed someone who fell down, only to realize they weren''t an Infected victim and their Volunteer escort, but a couple Volunteers heading back out to... do Volunteer stuff.


    When Isnomi had plowed her own path through the snow drift straight to me, she held her arms out to me and said, "up!"


    Without stopping my Curing, I leaned over and scooped her up with my right hand, yoinking her up and catching her so she sat with one leg on either side of my forearm. "Hey, Menace. Where''s Marie?"


    "Da Kitchen. Cooking." She watched what I was doing with my left hand, then held out one hand as if copying what I''d been doing. Cure the victim, Cure the Volunteer, wave them to the desk.


    I jostled her to get her attention. Cure, Cure, wave. "Careful, Menace. I think you''re a little young to be learning to Shape Mana into Spells."


    She twisted around until she could put one hand on either of my cheeks. "Momma tired. I help!"


    I smiled at her. "I appreciate the offer, Menace, but I don''t want you hurting yourself." Cure, Cure, wave.


    She frowned at me. "Momma hurt."


    Cure, Cure, wave. I shrugged. Then noticed something, and mentioned it in an effort to distract her. "Hey, I just noticed. Are all your teeth in now?"


    She nodded, and I realized that what I''d thought was a snowball stuck to her hat was actually a bobble. She grinned up at me, showing me all her baby teeth had clearly come in. Cure, Cure, wave. "See? See? I got all teeths!"


    "So you do!" Cure, Cure, wave. I leaned over, careful not to take my eyes off the line for too long. "So tell me, Menace. Does Marie know you''re out here?" I had to stifle my laugh as she looked around frantically, trying not to meet my gaze. Cure, Cure, wave. "Well? Does she?"


    Finally she looked up at me, tilting her head down to maximize the puppy dog eyes. "No. I wanna help!"


    "I know you do, Menace." Cure, Cure, wave. "When you get a little older, a little bigger, I promise I''ll let you help."


    "Promise?"


    I nodded. Cure, Cure, wave. "I promise. But you have to wait until Mom, Marie, or I tell you you''re old enough, okay?"


    She gave me a little side-eye, but couldn''t keep it up very long. She turned to the line with a big smile. "I help!"


    "That''s right. You help, but not yet. Not today. You need to be old enough and big enough."


    Right about then Marie came out the Academy doors, making the same beeline Isnomi had, only where the snow reached to the little one''s chest, it barely came up to Marie''s knees. When she reached the pair of us, she reached out and did her five point harness thing on the menace, lifting her up, turning her around to look into her little utterly unrepentant eyes, smile and say, "Rascal." Without breaking eye contact with Isnomi, she reached out with her other hand to give me another black-bread sub sandwich.


    Cure, Cure, wave. "Thanks, Marie. Sorry the menace is such an imp lately."


    She shook her head and said, "De Nada," as if to say she expected Isnomi''s antics. Hell, she probably encouraged them.


    I took a bite of my still warm sandwich to hide my smile. Cure, Cure, wave. Marie gave Isnomi a significant look, then spun her around to face me and hefted her right up to face level. "Bye, Momma."


    Cure, Cure, wave, then hug Isnomi to me with one arm while she puts both arms around my neck and presses a kiss into my forehead. "Can''t wait to play with you when I''m done here, Menace."


    I returned her forehead kiss with one of my own, then bumped foreheads with her, which made her giggle. Cure, Cure, wave, and then they were gone, back into the Academy. Half an hour later, I saw a line of carts come around from behind the Academy and head down the side of the Boulevard that wasn''t full of plague victims and Volunteers escorting them. Not the little carts they pushed around the Academy, but big things you''d expect to see draft horses hooked up to. A few hovered over the snow, but most of them rolled over and through it. A few had teams of draft horses hooked to the front, and Teamsters driving them and riding on the tailgates, but most of them had a pair of Maids forging through the snow in nothing more than their normal uniforms. The cart leading them all had only one Maid, but had a distinctly Menace shaped figure sitting on the driver''s seat, bundled up until she looked like a starfish. She looked up at me and waved. Cure, Cure, wave, and then I waved back to her.


    Some time after that, I''m not sure how long, but my shadow stretched partway down the steps, I noticed a crowd gathered around the very furthest part of the line I could see. Nobody there had fallen down, and I couldn''t hear any screams or anything. Honestly, with the snow coming down, it was a little hard to see or hear anything at that distance. I decided that unless one of them fell and didn''t get back up, I''d wait for them to get to me. Cure, Cure, wave.


    By the time they hit the end of the Boulevard down at the base of the Academy Steps, I realized that whatever else, they''d added each pair or trio of victim and Volunteers to their number as they moved forward. I still wasn''t able to see them clearly, because over and above the snow, for the past day or so my vision got a little shakier with each successive pair. I''d started out being able to spot people falling at the far end of the Boulevard. Not that it was all that hard; horizontal humans don''t have the same profile as vertical ones. All that aside, I still spotted one guy in the back; he had another guy under each shoulder, but it didn''t look like they were helping him. Really kind of the reverse. Good thing, too, because while the guy under his left arm was sorta ''short order cook'' stocky, the one under his right looked like a strong wind would blow him away. Cure, Cure, wave.


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    I could see the front of that big crowd now, though. It had a bunch of people in clothing as weather-inappropriate as The Dress. Okay, mostly so; some of them had furs and leather, but it looked more like decoration than serious cold weather gear. That covered about a third of them; another third wore dun robes with deep cowls that hid all but the bottoms of their faces. The last third? Straight up togas. Cure, Cure, wave. The crowd seemed to have three parts, too. The front part, a few dozen people, wore the crazy clothes. The next part had people in mostly normal, sensible poor people cold weather clothes. Y''know, everything they owned that would fit layered over everything else, hopefully with some semi-waterproof layers in there somewhere. The final bit was just the big guy and his two companions.


    As the crowd reached another victim and Volunteer pair, two of the guys in cowls stepped up to them, went through some really familiar hand motions, then walked them back to the middle crowd, only to line up at the back of the front crowd again. They weren''t quite matching my speed, I don''t think, but the mass of people never stopped moving or growing. As the front part of the crowd neared the top of the steps, two things drew my attention so fully that I faltered, nearly failing my second Cure of my Cure, Cure, wave pattern.


    First, no more than four pairs down the steps from me, I recognized a really familiar face above a set of mustard colored clothes. Second, the big guy at the back scooped up both the guys next to him and charged straight up the hill beside the steps, only stopping when he could set both of the guys down.


    "Hey, D. How''s it hangin''?" My voice came out a little harsh, and everybody swayed a bit.


    Dionysus stepped up and pushed the stocky guy toward me, laughing as he bellowed, "Long, strong, and ready to go all night long! Tabitha Diaz, it is my pleasure to introduce to you my newest High Priest, Herbert Schmidt. Herbert Schmidt, this is Tabitha Diaz, Champion and High Priestess of Loki."


    If Herbert felt any kind of way about me being Loki''s High Priest, he hid it really well. He stepped up, reaching out with his right hand. After a moment of blurry contemplation, I reached out and took his hand, shook it, then let my hand drop back down. "Good to meet you, Champion Diaz." He had a clipped kind of accent, the kind of thing you expected from, I dunno, Switzerland. Austria. Maybe Germany.


    "Good to meet you, and congratulations on your ordination, High Priest Schmidt. Call me Tabitha. Everybody else does. Well, some of them don''t, but they''re either old enough to be my father or are kinda dickish." I paused a second, shook my head. "And now I''m rambling. Sorry, been up... for a while now." I looked down the Boulevard and noticed more people filtering in from cross streets or from beyond where the road turned straight east. I shook my head. "I got maybe, five minutes until they," I nodded down the street, "get here and I''ve got to get back to it. Who''s your other friend there?" I noticed that as Dionysus and I stood there talking, the rest of the ''lead crowd'' had fanned out to either side of the top of the steps, and the second crowd, the one made up of victims and Volunteers, had swarmed the Marshall at his desk.


    Dionysus blinked at me, then barked a single snorting laugh, then hauled his other friend around. I noticed that unlike Herbert, Dionysus didn''t let go of him. "I present to you, newly ferreted out of his sanctuary in the Temple of the Sun, Phileo City''s own High Priest of Apollo, Brendan Callahan."


    A crackling hiss filled the landing, and Herbert took one long step away from me. I stepped up to Brendan and glared right into his eyes. "Hi Brendan," I whispered hoarsely. "High Priest of Apollo?"


    "What if I am?" dumb fucker did his best to look down his nose at me. I mean, he had the height, but that''s not hard. I''m ''tall for a girl'', not ''model tall'', ''WNBA tall'', or Gwendolyn Christie in pumps. Of course, he looked both kinda short and stick skinny next to Dionysus, who still had one hand wrapped around the back of his neck. Hell, his fingers and thumb almost touched. One clench of his fist and Apollo would be looking for a new High Priest.


    "That means you''ve got a direct line to him, right?"


    He sneered again. "I am his High Priest."


    I nodded. "So you can just send him what you''re seeing, what you''re hearing. Smelling, tasting, and feeling, if it comes to that?"


    He tried to draw himself up even further, but Dionysus'' hand didn''t budge. That looked kind of painful, really. Not that I gave a shit. "I will not aid you in bringing harm to my God!"


    I think I laughed at that. I meant to laugh. The noise that came out? More like the sound crows make. "I don''t need your help for that. Get him on the line. Now."


    He opened his mouth to say something. I''m not sure exactly what, but something other than, ''yes, ma''am''. A second Mana Blade crackled from my other wrist unbidden. At least I don''t think I biddened it. Bidding might have happened and then I forgot. I had to stay focused on this fucker. He shut his mouth, reopened it, and croaked out, "as you wish."


    "He on the line?"


    "He sees with my eyes, hears with my ears."


    "Apollo. You goat fucking vomitous excuse for an Archer. You shitstain pretending to be a God of Healing. I cannot believe you come anywhere near the sun, because flatulence like you would burn away in its fires in an instant. Do I have your full fucking attention, douchebag?"


    "He says that through me, he cannot fail to smite you. Prepare for your reckoning!" His threat would have sounded better had his voice not cracked on that last word. Something about trying to wrest his way loose of Dionysus'' grip and failing miserably.


    A smile took its time crawling across my lips. I spread my arms out, taking a step back and waving the others away. Most of them moved. Dionysus, Herbert, and the chick in mustard stayed where they were. Brendan didn''t get a choice. "C''mon, Lolly boy." The newest batch of victims and Volunteers had made it halfway along the Boulevard. "Look, if you can''t get it up, just say so. I get it, men of a certain age have trouble sometimes. But I''m standing. Right. Here."


    A horrified whisper crawled out of Brendan''s throat. "Why won''t you just die?"


    I forced the words through my abused throat; I had nothing left but adrenaline and rage, but fuck it, that was most of my life to this point, really. "That''s not the question you wanted to ask, was it? C''mon, Apple Lolly! I''m right here!" I screamed, throwing my arms wide, snow boiling from the blades extending from my wrists. I pulled them back in and shouted, "it''s time for your money shot, you sick sack full of shit, HIT ME!"


    In the sudden silence after my scream, Brendan whispered, "what the hell are you?"


    The grin crawled onto my face again. "There it is. There. It. Is. You wanna know what I am? I''m the bitch who took your sister''s arms and nose for trying to kill my daughter. I''m the bitch who knows that you''re within spitting distance of your sister right now, showing her what a big fucking solar cock you''ve got, shooting your plague ridden shit over the horizon." I heaved a breath and screamed again, "I''m the bitch who is dealing with the aftermath of you missing something the size of a city by fifty fucking miles! God of archery my lily white ass." Mana Blades hissing out of my arms, scoring the landing under me as I leapt up nose to nose with Brendan and whispered, "I''m the bitch who, if you do not put your bow down right the fuck now, walk away from it, and never pick it up again, will be ripping you a new asshole and shoving your decapitated head up it in ten."


    "T-t-t-ten what?" wheezed Brendan.


    "Nine."


    Panicked laughter crawled out of Brendan''s throat. "You can''t be serious."


    "Eight."


    From behind me, I heard a familiar voice. "She is dead serious, brother."


    "Seven."


    "You wouldn''t dare."


    "Six."


    "She absolutely would, brother."


    "She was one death. You''ve racked up thousands already. Five."


    Dionysus finally took a step back, holding Brendan at arm''s length. "Apollo needs to find High Priests with sterner internal fortitude."


    "Four."


    "Okay, okay, he''s dropped the bow! His final arrows will take four more seconds to arrive!"


    "Three."


    "I swear upon my God, he tells me he has stopped firing!"


    "Two."


    Mustard girl behind me chimed in with, "my lady no longer hears her brother''s bow singing."


    "One."


    "Please!" shrieked Brendan.


    Something inside tearing as I did, I stepped to Artemis'' side. She turned her veiled face from me and screamed, "brother! Run!" I leapt to the promontory she faced, picked up the bow lying there and, tearing myself up again, stepped back to Phileo City. "Make sure he sees this, Brendan." I looped my leg through the bow and unstrung it. It fought me like a live thing. Maybe it was. Maybe after all the hash marks on all the boards down in the park, across the river near Drivers, up in Newark and New Amsterdam, I just did not give half a shit. I picked up the string with one hand, lowered it inch by inch into the Mana Blade sticking from my left arm. Then I did the same with the bowstave.


    I let my Mana Blade disperse and turned to Dionysus, my eyes blurring. "Hey, D, can you make sure he winds up in the stocks down there?"


    "Certainly, Tabitha Diaz."


    I turned to meet the first pair coming up the steps. Mustard girl stepped in front of me. "The fuck you doin?"


    Dionysus, two steps down the stairs, let out a bellow of laughter, then stepped back up beside me, throwing his free arm around me. "What every High Clergyperson in this City should have done long since, what my man Schmidt shamed them into doing. Tending to their congregations in time of dire need."


    I looked up at him as Mustard Girl shaped a Cure for the plague victim in front of us, then Assessed the Volunteer, shaping another Cure for him a moment later. She then turned and walked to the back of the line of, apparently, Clergy. High Clergy. Wonder if Snoop Dogg had a parallel here, and if he was Clergy. Sure as shit couldn''t be him without being High. I turned to Dionysus. "So... I can take a break?"


    He hugged me to him, then set me down on my feet surprisingly gently. "Yes, Tabitha Diaz. Your relief has arrived. Go. Rest. As your daughter said to me as she and my Champion passed us on the roadway, we''ve got this."


    "Oh. Good." I kinda spun in place a little bit, taking one step toward the doors of the Academy.


    I tried to take another step, tripped, and went face first into the snow.

 Day One Hundred And Seventy-Three

    Dear Diary,


    I really gotta remind myself not to overdo it. I mean, I''m gonna ignore the shit out of myself saying that when the shit hits the fan, but I still need to keep it in mind.


    Woke up in my room, my head lying on somebody''s thighs as they gently stroked my hair. Cracked my eyes open to slits and confirmed the lack of fuzziness on the thighs, then turned my head a little to confirm that my head was, indeed, on Saffron''s lap.


    "Good... afternoon, Goof."


    "Why the hesitation?"


    She chuckled, "because it''s impossible to tell what time it is in this room of ours, and I had to stick my head out the tent flap to check the time."


    I let out a breath I hadn''t realized I''d been holding, then grimaced. "At some point we''ve got to have a discussion about clocks."


    She gave me a look, almost a really mild version of ''wtf, Diaz?'', then shrugged. "I guess if you want one we could get one. They''re expensive and we''d have to squeeze it in, probably beside the armoire. There''s only a couple clockmakers in Phileo, but there are more in New Amsterdam, and after what we did in both Cities, I''m sure we could wrangle a steep discount."


    "What about watches?"


    That got the full ''WTF, Diaz?'' look. "If we''re standing watch, I''m sure someone will be along to give us a break. If it''s outside, we can just look at the sun. And by the look you''re giving me, you weren''t talking about that kind of watch."


    I nodded, then nodded a few more times, because her thighs felt lovely against my cheek. "A watch is a portable clock. I''ve seen little ones the size of a thumbnail, but most of them are, like, coin sized. Big ones get to be the size of an apple, maybe? I mean, not too many people wear them anymore, except as jewelry." I paused, my mind wandering off on it''s own. "Y''know, I never thought about this before, but they''re really the only generally acceptable casual Men''s jewelry. Other than wedding rings, I guess."


    Saffron shook her head, a wondrous look slowly turning into a gleam in her eye. "Clocks the size of an apple. If you were anyone else, I''d think you were hallucinating. How did they do it?"


    I shrugged. "Most of the cheap ones, the things people wore to tell the time, rather than as wrist bling? Used electronics, which is... shit," I started laughing, bringing myself under control when Saffron half-glared down at me. "There''s a quote from a writer back there. One of my science teachers was kinda fond of it. ''Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic''. There''s another one that goes, ''any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced''. I just realized that other than being, like, silicon with wire run through it, with electricity powering the whole thing? I have no idea how electronics worked. They just did. As for the fancy watches, while some of them used electronics too, the really fancy ones used steel and gemstones. Like, really high grade steel. Probably artificial gemstones, now that I think about it."


    "Artificial gemstones. Really?"


    I nodded again. Okay, I rubbed my face against her thighs again. She''s got really nice thighs, okay? Firm, with just a hint of squishy. "Yeah. They take carbon... from coal? I think? And then just put it under immense heat and pressure. That''s how gemstones are made naturally, from massive heat and pressure." She grinned down at me, and I petered off. "What?"


    "I was just thinking how our son would love to pick your brain about how things worked in your world."


    I shuddered a little. "Yeah, but I worry that he''d get a bit too literal for comfort, if you know what I mean."


    She nodded. "On second thought, let me do the brain picking, and if I can''t figure it out I''ll ask him about it."


    "Anyway, gemstones are really hard, kinda like steel. Everything inside of a watch needs to be super-strong to keep working for years on end. Even then they still break now and then. I guess that''s why we still had watch repairmen. For when somebody''s sentimental bling stopped ticking."


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    "Ticking?"


    "Yeah. I know that much, old school watches tick once a second; it''s something about the clockwork inside."


    She''d gone back to smiling down at me and stroking my hair. I did not have the energy to give a shit about anything but that for a while. Eventually she leaned down and kissed my forehead. "I love you, Tabitha Diaz."


    "I love you too, Saffron Aetos." I stretched a little. "So... if it''s afternoon, does that mean it''s my shift again?"


    She frowned and shook her head. "You, my love, are in no condition to jump back into that fight right now."


    I sighed, trying to pull myself together to get up, and my everything kinda whomped me with a mega-ache. No sharp pains anywhere, but that kind of achey leftover pain everywhere. I even got the impression that if I tried too hard to push, sharp pains were definitely on the table as ''cut it the fuck out'' messages from my body to me. "Ow."


    She smiled down at me. "That''s what I thought."


    I shook my head. Not nearly as fun as nodding. "They need me out there. I gotta get my shit together and get back to work."


    She lay the hand that had been stroking my hand on my forehead, her other hand pressing gently on my chest. "You absolutely do not, Goof. There are now roughly a dozen High Priests at the top of the steps curing for all they''re worth. Their deities aren''t being stingy with Mana, either."


    I shook my head again, or tried to. Her hand on my forehead limited my motion to an abortive jerk. "They''ll tire out, just like I did."


    She smiled down at me, "I should have said, ''twelve per shift, taking eight hour shifts''. Unlike a certain Goof I know, none of them are courting Mana burnout."


    "Mana burnout is a thing?"


    She nodded. "For most people, a very permanent, crippling thing. Oh, I suppose if it happens to someone young enough, and they retain enough Mana to still cast Spells, they could build it back up, but they''ll never be as good as they could have if they hadn''t burned out."


    "Most people?"


    She smiled down at me, then leaned over and kissed me. I certainly wasn''t going to interrupt that to play twenty questions. When she came up for air, she booped my nose and said, "most people, because injuries to the Soul don''t heal for most people. Then there''s you."


    I smirked. "Then there''s me."


    "Who is here being worshipped by her High Priest until she recovers."


    I frowned up at her. "Except when you need to sleep."


    "Oh, I''ll sleep here, beside you, beneath you, on top of you, however we wind up. I''ve had to take breaks from the beginning." She paused and sighed. "Although probably not as many as I ought to have."


    My eyes shot wide open at that. "You didn''t hurt yourself, did you?"


    She shook her head, "I think not. But I strained myself over the first two days. If I did, it''s minor, nothing I won''t grow past by the end of this Plague."


    "Okay. Don''t push yourself too hard, Kitten. That''s my job."


    She chuckled, "and it''s mine to tell you when to stop and take a break."


    I sighed again. "I could still Cure them faster if I were there."


    "Not really. They''re more or less Curing people as fast as they show up. Even Herbert, who is new to everything, can Cure someone once a minute or so, and he just started yesterday. The other High Priests are substantially quicker... Oh! There''s some news for you."


    "What''s that?"


    "Our own Sister Siobhan is now a High Priestess of Canta; she''s personally Curing victims almost as fast as you were."


    "Wow, really?"


    She nodded, smiling, "really."


    I frowned a little, "I wonder why he waited so long?"


    She returned the frown, "I''m not certain, but I have a guess?" At my nod, she said, "the Dan gods aren''t very powerful, especially here in Phileo, oddly enough. The wealthy Dan worship the Norse Gods, most Bag worship the Greeks, and the Humans in town are split, although they tend to favor the Greeks. Canta isn''t exactly a powerhouse in his own Pantheon, either. So he had to consider whether a newly made High Priestess would wind up a target of the other deities. When D showed up with most of the High Priests in the City in tow, that meant Sister Siobhan would be part of a crowd, and nobody would try to make an example of her or him."


    I frowned. I got it, but I didn''t have to like it. "Yeah, I guess if I thought about it I wouldn''t like making a target of you, either." I thought about it for a little bit more, then something occurred to me. "I''m not interrupting your Curing, am I?"


    "As you demonstrated, someone can do things they don''t really have to think about when they''re Co-Located. I''ve got Cure as a Skill now, so I only have to think there when someone asks me a question or something else that I have to think about." The Grin crept across her face. "You, on the other hand, as I''ve noted, need rest. So, are you hungry?"


    Weird question out of nowhere, but after a moment''s reflection, I said, "No?"


    The Grin got wider. "Are you sleepy?"


    I shook my head, "maybe a tiny bit? Probably not enough to go to sleep, though."


    "I guess I''ll just have to use one of those Skills I''ve got to correct that."


    The Grin descended, and I met her lips with mine. Never thought someone having Canoodling as a Skill would have practical uses.

 Day One Hundred And Seventy-Four

    Dear Diary,


    There¡¯s a quote I remember. Or really, don¡¯t exactly remember. It might even be more than one quote my brain remembers as one. ¡®You never see life coming, because it comes at you fast, and it moves sideways¡¯. Don¡¯t know why that¡¯s stuck in my head today, just is.


    So, Saffron helped me get back to sleep yesterday afternoon. I slept through the night, I think. At least when Marie woke me up rolling her cart into the room, it had spicy eggs and jalape?o scrapple on it, by the smell. Hell, I think that¡¯s what woke me. The smell, not the noise.


    I dragged myself up until I sat on the edge of the bed and watched as she unloaded her cart onto my desk. Our desk? Honestly, Saffron used it more than me. Let¡¯s just settle for ¡®the desk¡¯. Which now contained two of my three favorite Dining Hall menu items. When she pulled out two pitchers of water and three loaves of bread, my stomach took control of my vocal cords and I said, ¡°I love you.¡±


    She turned her head to face me while she arranged everything to fit on the desk and said, ¡°Same.¡±


    When I went to stand up, the whole room wobbled, the floor shifting under me like the whole damned room had been moved to a boat. Marie caught me with one hand, then gently guided me to the desk, where she pulled out a spoon and started to feed me. I reached for the spoon, more than a little embarrassed by having to have her feed me, but when my hand touched hers, she froze, looked at me and said, ¡°Please?¡±


    ¡°You really want to feed me that much?¡± At her nod, I said, ¡°okay, then,¡± and put my hands in my lap and let her feed me. Once I¡¯d gotten a few tiny bites down and swallowed some water, she started giving me more, well, me sized bites. I just sat there eating, watching her smile as she pampered me. I didn¡¯t often get to see her like this, so I decided to enjoy the moment. Everything she did looked smooth, unhurried, like she¡¯d done this a thousand times before and pared the process down to nothing but the barest of essentials. About halfway through the eggs, something occurred to me. ¡°You were really worried about me, weren¡¯t you?¡±


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    She frowned the slightest bit while delivering the next bite and said, ¡°Am.¡±


    After I¡¯d swallowed I said, ¡°I¡¯m fine now. Okay, not fine, but I¡¯m resting, getting better. Some more food and rest and I will be fine. I promise.¡± When she frowned at that, I said, ¡°what¡¯s got you so worried about me?¡±


    She looked away, her eyes searching like she was trying to find the right words on the walls or ceiling. She kept the food coming without looking, so I gave her time. Eventually she said, ¡°Cold.¡± She paused again, still searching, before grimacing and saying, ¡°Thin?¡±


    The moment she¡¯d said ¡®cold¡¯, I¡¯d realized I hadn¡¯t even noticed the cold of the room. I reached out and lay a hand on her cheek; it felt like she was burning up, but I realized almost immediately that it wasn¡¯t her that was too warm, it was me who was too cold. I ran my hand down to her shoulder, and after swallowing the next bite she shoveled into me I asked, ¡°thin?¡± When she nodded, but made a face while she did it, I said, ¡°don¡¯t have the right words?¡±


    The grimace went away and she said, ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡±Well, the food ought to help me get less thin, and it¡¯ll warm me up inside, at least.¡± I let her feed me another couple bites before asking, ¡°when I¡¯m done eating, do you think you could stay? Maybe help me warm up on the outside as well?¡±


    Her whole expression went through a whole plethora of flickering, conflicting emotions before she settled on a shy smile and said, ¡°Yes.¡±


    She may have started making the spoonfuls bigger after that. I might have gulped them down without properly chewing them. Before long, I polished off the rest of my breakfast, and she loaded the empty trays and pitchers back onto her cart. Then, again suddenly seeming shy, she lifted me out of my chair, carried me to bed, and tucked me in. Before I even thought to complain, she reached over and shut down the light. I watched in wireframe as she slipped out of her Maid uniform, folding it carefully and, working by feel, setting it on the desk.


    I didn¡¯t think she¡¯d be able to pull off that trick she did getting out from under the covers without letting the cold air in, but somehow she proved me wrong.


    Marie is very warm. Soon enough, I was as well.

 Day One Hundred And Seventy-Five

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, I got used to the whole ''a day starts at sunset'' thing way better than I thought I would. Way faster than I thought I would, too. I still think of daybreak as the ''start of the day'', but I''ve gotten used to the idea that ''last night'' and ''yesterday night'' aren''t the same thing. Also gotten used to the fact that ''tomorrow night'' is when the sun goes down, not, like, the night after the following day. Maybe it''s because it happens, y''know, every day.


    The year thing is gonna take some getting used to, though.


    So I''ve been sleeping a lot lately.


    That''s a bit of an understatement, I know, but I was kinda up for five days straight, more or less, exerting myself the whole time. I once read somewhere that humans don''t really go into ''sleep debt'', that your body doesn''t really ''sleep until you''ve made up for the sleep you missed'', but I''m not buying it. Then again, when we''re injured or sick we sleep more, the body shutting down those high-energy-expenditure higher brain functions while it directs all available resources to, y''know, being as far from dead as possible.


    Woke up to my head in Saffron''s lap again. I don''t think I''ll ever get tired of that, or any other form of ''waking up with her watching over me''. She smiled down at me. "Good Evening, sleepyhead."


    "How many days have I slept through this time?"


    She laughed a little, "Marie tells me you were up for a bit yesterday. From the excessively smug look on her face when she told me, I can even guess what you were doing."


    Heat blossomed in my cheeks as I gabbled out something like, "you see, what had happened was..."


    Her laughter, full throated this time, cut me off mid-excuse. After a bit, she settled down enough to say, "Oh, oh, Goddess. You should see your face. Wait, wait, wait." She Mimicked me, and my pillow got a lot less cushy. Then she put on this perfect deer-caught-in-headlights face. After a moment she couldn''t keep up the face; she broke down laughing and went back to being herself. Of course, I couldn''t really blame her, because I was snickering myself. Also, the fact that my head was in her lap and her laughter made her double over forward? Kinda made up for a lot. Or made me forget about a lot. You''d think being the panini in a press wouldn''t be a good kind of distracting, but when the upper half has boobs? Much less bad, and much more distracting.


    When she finally got enough control over herself to straighten up a bit, I cut in with, "okay, yeah, I guess I did look a little bit like a kid with their hand caught in the cookie jar."


    "Or the cat who''d just been caught licking up the cream?" she asked, one eyebrow arching.


    "Yeah, yeah, yeah, cat, cream, licking. Ha." I could help it, leftover guilt and a weird little bit of frustration made me oddly grumpy.


    She stroked my hair and said, "why so grumpy about it? Normally you''d be laughing. Or attempting to lick something."


    I grumped and folded my arms across my chest, knowing how irrational it was as I did it, but unable to stop. "Because I can''t help but feel guilty. And I''d have to roll over. And the angle''s bad anyhow."


    She smiled a bit at that, then gently said, "two out of three of those are eminently correctable, although if you''re too tired to roll over it''s possible you really do need more sleep." I shifted my shoulders in a lame shrug, and she continued. "On the other hand, you have absolutely no reason to feel guilty." She frowned a little. "As I''ve told you, repeatedly."


    I sighed. "I know. I know. I... I just can''t..." my hands waggled in the air as I tried to force the vague idea in my head into words. She waited, patiently, stroking my hair. "My whole life I''ve lived with people where sex was never, y''know, just sex. Or that''s all it was."


    She nodded when I paused. "Did you have sex a lot back there? Was it a big part of your life?"


    "Eh. Some. I wasn''t a virgin. Hooked up once or twice. Had a fuck buddy for a while. Talked about it constantly, because inside my head I''m a twelve year old boy."


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    She leaned down and kissed me. When we stopped to breathe, she whispered, "twelve year old girls can be just as bad, you realize?"


    I snorted, "you talk like I don''t know that. I''m well aware of my default plumbing. Even if, y''know, it''s now hot swappable." I sighed again. "That''s another holdover from back then. Guys are the ones into sex; if they want it a dozen times a day they''re virile examples of manhood. A woman wanting it a dozen times a day? Or once? Or, y''know, admitting she wants it, separate from wanting a particular person? Totally a slut, and most people still use that as a slur, no matter how many of us try to take it back."


    Saffron took a deep breath, let it out slowly. "That''s less different here than you might think." She made a throwing away gesture with the hand that wasn''t petting me. "Oh, Goddesses like Artemis encourage women loving women, even carnally. Aphrodite is, in some ways, the literal incarnation of women''s desires. Even Hera has been known to take a lover now and again. But even there the price is so much steeper for women than men."


    I caught on to that reference, and quietly interjected, "I think Hephaestus paid a bigger price for that than she did."


    She snorted. "Oh, I agree, but at the same time? At that age they haven''t even really begun to manifest anything like a personality yet. They''re a bundle of need. Need for food, need for comfort, need for care. Their only communication is a scream for help."


    "How old was he?"


    "From the story we''re told? Nearly newborn. Barely old enough to sleep in a cradle rather than on his mother''s breast. Hera hadn''t recovered from childbirth, even, or she might have done more to protect him."


    "Sick fucker, killing a kid because your wife fucked around. Worse, since he''s done it so many times himself."


    Saffron nodded, "although it''s not like she left the products of his indiscretions unharmed."


    I made a face at that. "How the hell did she wind up with the whole ''Goddess of Wives'' thing, anyhow, when Hestia and Persephone are, y''know, right there?"


    She made a clearly fake pompous face and matched it with her voice when she said, "Hestia? The Virgin Goddess? How could she possibly be a Wife? Since the whole point of being a Wife is to satisfy her spouse''s carnal desires."


    "What about Persephone? She giving Hades blue balls for keeping her underground all winter?"


    She openly laughed at that. "Oh. Oh, my. Oh, my Goddess, no. While the Greeks credit the Earthshaker for earthquakes, do you know what most Bag call them?"


    I thought about it a little, then shrugged, "Loki trying to get free?"


    She snickered, "okay, they might start blaming that. Now. If they catch wind of his new situation, and Sigyn''s completely rational response to it." She paused for breath, trying to keep her giggles from breaking through. "When the earth quakes, Bag usually say ''Persephone''s gone riding again''."


    It took me a minute, because I am an idiot. When the clue finally impacted my frontal lobes, I giggled, which started her giggling, which, well, kinda set us both off. She fell over backwards, and despite my earlier complaints I rolled over until I lay propped up on my elbows, my lips hovering over hers. "So, I''m the Hades in our little troika, huh?"


    "You said it, not me."


    "Last time I mentioned it, I seem to recall you agreeing with me."


    "I didn''t say you were wro..." I interrupted her with a kiss, which turned hungrier and more intense by the moment, gradually prompting hands to wander.


    Some time later, we lay there, spent. I mean, I was still pretty clearly recovering from my whole ''kill every tenth person in the region, then Cure the rest'' escapades, which meant nothing really acrobatic happened, but while acrobatics weren''t involved, happening pretty clearly was. I snuggled up to her, laying my head on her chest. She went back to stroking my hair. "I think I''d like to lie here like this forever."


    "Sadly, I can''t fall asleep right now."


    "Fuck." I muttered without any real heat to it.


    "Didn''t we just do that? I mean, I''m up for it again if you are, but you seem a little winded."


    I blinked sleepily and replied, "Yeah, no. Sorry if I''m a little underpowered at the moment. Give me a minute to catch my breath?"


    "Shhh...." she stroked my hair, then gently stroked a hand across my face to close my eyes. It felt really nice, and the extra darkness from her hand left me completely vision-free, in a good way.


    I left my eyes closed, but asked, "didn''t this whole thing start with me feeling guilty about, y''know, not being up for you because I''d played around with Marie?"


    She made soothing shush noises and quietly said, "oh, you were certainly up enough for me. Honestly, I hadn''t expected you to be up for anything for at least a week. Your efforts to Cure the Plague from every man, woman, and child in Phileo and the Yards made Pheidippides seem rather a piker, and he dropped dead the moment he finished."


    "Pheidippides?"


    "The original Marathon run?"


    "Oh, him. Knew the story, didn''t remember his name."


    She made soothing noises and stroked me some more. "We''ll talk more on this later; it seems you need it. Some time when Grandma has Isnomi, so Marie and I can both focus on the conversation."


    I fought to stay awake, but barely managed to murmur, "nah. Let her stay. Good for her. See us talking things through."


    Her soothing noises gave way to a brief, yet heated, chortle. "It''s not the talking I don''t want to be doing in front of her."


    "B..." I cut myself off with a huge yawn.


    "Sleep now. I''ll be here to watch over you until Marie returns. You are safe, and loved, and tired from fighting a fight beyond any mortal. Sleep, my Goddess, as long as you need."


    My fading senses suffused with my wife, I drifted off to sleep.

 Day One Hundred And Seventy-Six

    Dear Diary,


    I don''t know if this is funny or not, but I didn''t expect to get or keep scars. Seriously, why would somebody who can shapeshift get scars? And yet, when I look at my arms, my legs, the parts of my torso I can see without a mirror? All those injuries I got that didn''t kill me during the battle before Yule? Scars. I tried pulling on Loki''s whole shapeshifter thing and aimed at looking like me without scars, and they fade away, but when I stop thinking about it? They kinda un-fade.


    What the fuck is up with that?


    I''ve been sleeping a lot, in case you hadn''t noticed. Dreaming, too, but they''re all pretty much the same dream, just lying on the lake shore vibing with my little psychotropic tadpole homies.


    There''s a sentence I never thought I''d use before I got Isekai''d.


    I went to sleep with Saffron watching over me, woke up to the menace curled up as the little spoon to my big spoon, and a big fuzzy spoon behind me that could only be Marie. I lay there for quite a while, in that half-asleep state where I drifted from lightly sleeping and dreaming about lying between my lover and my daughter, and actually lying there half-awake feeling them against me. I''m not sure, honestly, if I ever really dreamed it, or I just stayed half-asleep and thought I was dreaming. I didn''t even open my eyes, registering the presence of the other two by feel and smell.


    I hadn''t really thought about my ability to tell the difference between people I knew by smell before. It just sorta folded in with hearing their voice, knowing the feel of their skin, and the obvious, y''know, looking at them.


    Thinking about Marie, I wondered at my ability to tell her apart from the other Maenads, especially when I couldn''t really tell the difference between any other pair of Maenads. Like, all Maenads were either Marie or Not-Marie. I know they have names, at least I hope they do, because otherwise I might get a lot less friendly with D, but I figured if he was that adamant about each of them having their choice of where to go and what to do and who to sleep with, they all had names. I mean, Rocky had a name. Shit, that fucker was still wandering around somewhere. Given what I knew now about Maenads, I expect that he would still be around even if I had managed to shiv him the way he deserved for his part of the whole Equinox Isnomi kidnapping.


    With that in mind, I whispered, "Marie? You awake?"


    She rumble-purred and whispered, "Yes," almost so low I couldn''t hear it.


    "What''s up with that Rocky guy?"


    If we hadn''t been leaning against one another, I wouldn''t have realized she was growling. I just got this really uncomfortable sensation as the hairs on the back of my neck rose. "Sorry," I whispered. "Don''t worry about it."


    She shook her head, ruffling my hair. "No." After a pause, she said, "Wrong."


    "He''s wrong?"


    "Yes." I gave her time until she whispered, "Lies."


    I thought about that for a while as I lay there relaxing in Marie''s warmth. "He lied?"


    "Yes."


    "About the Maenad thing?"


    "No."


    "To the Maenads?"


    "Yes."


    Normally I''d be a little pissed about having to drag things out of someone via twenty questions, but I knew Marie wasn''t doing it to be a pain in the ass. For whatever reason, she never used two words where one would do, never used two syllables where one would work. Hell, she''d only recently started responding verbally when she could get her point across with a gesture. I thought about what she and Saffron told me about how someone became a Maenad. "He lied to the Maenad who stayed with him, who brought him back to Dionysus?"


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    "Yes."


    Damn. I mean, normally I''d wonder about somebody trying to join a murder cult that required you to die to get in, but since the whole ''die to get in'' was temporary, and ''live forever'' was a side benny of being in the cult? I can totally follow that chain of motivation. I even thought I could guess at what he''d lied about, but I wanted to make sure. "What did he lie about?"


    "Love."


    Yep. "Fuck. That''s some weapons-grade assholery right there. No way to eject him from the Maenad club?"


    She sighed. "No." When I''d let that sit for a while, wondering what I could say to reassure her that I wasn''t lying to her about caring for her, she said, "Tried."


    "Lemme guess; nothing short of being torn apart kills a Maenad?"


    "Right."


    "And when you tore him apart, he came back?"


    "Yes."


    I sighed, careful not to jostle the menace too much. Despite her precociousness, I didn''t want to be discussing death and dismemberment with her just yet. "Damn. There goes my plan to kill him a lot." Marie didn''t reply, just hugged me a little closer and purred at me. Another weird thing; I''d never mistaken Marie''s growling for her purring, even when they both happened on such low registers that I couldn''t really hear them with my ears.


    We lay there like that, and I think I fell asleep for a while again. I woke when someone kissed me on the temple. Without opening my eyes, I said, "good morning, Saffron."


    She chuckled quietly. "Nope. It''s night time, Goof. How are you feeling?"


    "Warm. Happy." The slightest frown slid across my face. "Lazy."


    She poked my forehead gently with one finger. "You are not lazy, Goof. You''re recuperating. From an effort that would have killed anyone else multiple times over." She lay a hand across the exposed side of my head and asked, "are your injuries any better?"


    Without really thinking about it, I Co-Located behind her with my arms around her. After giving her a quick squeeze, I stepped back into myself on the bed and kept my voice quiet as I said, "well, that still stings. Not quite the ''you done fucked up, ay ay ron'' level of pain from back during the negotiations, so either it''s getting better or getting numb." I pushed some Mana into a Heal Injury, then dropped it on myself. "That''s so weird."


    "What''s weird?" she whispered.


    "Well, when I pull Mana to do a Heal Injury, it still aches inside. Again, not the kind of pain I got near the end of my Cure-a-palooza, but it stings like I''m hurting it a little bit by doing just about anything."


    "So why are you doing things again?"


    I shrugged. "Can''t tell if it''ll hurt if I don''t try it. Thing is? When I pointed the Heal Injury at myself? All my scars ached."


    She smiled at me. "Only you, Goof." Before I could speak she lay a finger across my lips, then walked over to the shrine and divested herself of Glowing Midnight. Then she scurried around the bed and wormed her way under the covers between Isnomi and I. The menace mumbled some complaints, but went back to snoring after a tense, quiet few seconds. She lay spooned against me, and even with her skin cooler from being exposed, I reveled in the feel of Marie behind me and her in front of me. I lay an arm over her and Isnomi, just to feel her as well. When we''d all settled, Saffron said, "at a guess, your Heal was trying to Heal your scars. But scars aren''t wounds, so it had to kind of re-open them to Heal them. Maybe."


    Her words flowed over me, and I couldn''t tell if they made sense or not. Didn''t care much, either. "Okay." Then I remembered something. "Can you sleep?"


    "Yes. Things are wrapping up here in Phileo and the Yards. New Amsterdam is taking a lot longer. Newark is clear, and the river makes a nice barrier for us to watch to keep people from getting into and out of New Amsterdam."


    I mumbled out a sleepy, "why?"


    "New Amsterdam has more people. Almost all the High Clergy who showed up to relieve you are heading to New Amsterdam now."


    "Almost?"


    Even from behind I could feel her smug smile. "Some of them are staying here to help finish up. Some of them are heading out to local towns and villages with escorts. And some of them are staying right here in Phileo and the Yards, in case we missed someone and things start up again."


    I muttered, "hospitals."


    She hummed quietly, "there already are a few, but most people can''t afford them."


    Memories of my past life surfaced briefly. "Dumb. City. Like Army."


    "That... could work?"


    "Does. Sleepy?"


    "I certainly am, Goof. So stop engaging my brain. I''m just a little worried that our chit-chat hasn''t woken Isnomi."


    From behind me Marie purred out, "Growth."


    "Oh, dear Goddess, she''s going to be even more of a handful."


    The smug satisfaction in Marie''s "Yes" had both of us holding in giggles. I held on to that feeling of warmth and humor as I drifted off to sleep.

 Day One Hundred And Seventy-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, I talk about family a lot. And in case you hadn''t noticed, someone hurting my family is one of the things that really sets me off. But, and it''s weird, I know, I never really expected any of those folks who I more or less claimed as family, and feel free to insert your own joke about rubbing up against them a lot here, to go to those same lengths for me.


    For what it''s worth, my ongoing dreams of lounging by the lakeside are pretty fuckin'' restful now that all the itching has gone away. Still have tadpoles all over the place. Mostly in the water, but not entirely. A bunch in the spots that used to be itchy. No idea what that''s all about. Maybe I''m dreaming about being one of those frogs that carries babies in their backs? Yech. Grossed myself out with that one. Really hope it''s not true, because like I said, right now those dreams are super relaxing.


    Woke in darkness with Saffron snuggled up next to me. Part of me wanted to know where Marie and the menace were, but the lazy, resting part told me that not only were they probably off carting somewhere or doing Marie things, if something were seriously wrong with either of them, Saffron would wake me up. Or just deal with it. She is the more-than-half competent one of us, after all. Instead of bothering her with that, I shifted from my back to my side so I could just look at her while she slept. Before anybody gives me any shit about that, it''s not like I''m a creeper who snuck into her bedroom. She lay down next to me with full knowledge that I was gonna be there. Also, we''re married. Also, fuck off, I think she''s cute when she sleeps.


    Fuck it, it''s not like it''s the most morally ambiguous thing I''ve ever done.


    So I lay there just watching her until she slowly stirred and woke. I don''t think I''ve ever really gotten to see her wake up at her own pace before; it''s always been an emergency, or the menace in the middle of pulling some shit, either adorable or nerve wracking, or something else where she had to go from sleeping to awake in the minimum time possible. It''s kind of funny; she used to be the one who woke me up in time to get breakfast, and yet now, watching her, I realized she must have started getting up at like four in the morning to get totally awake and ready to go in time to wake me up. The first thing I noticed was that her breathing went from shallow, light snoring to breathing slowly and evenly. She stirred, snuggling into my arm like she suddenly found it an uncomfortable pillow. She stretched into a huge yawn, working her mouth like she''d just tasted something and couldn''t figure out if she liked it or not. Finally her eyes slid open, and she smiled up at me.


    "Good morning."


    "Is it? I wasn''t sure. Something about not leaving the room for," I paused, thinking, then realized I had no idea how long I''d slept for each time I fell asleep. "Okay, what day is it?"


    "Tyrsday."


    "Oh, shit." Shit, Boss, I''m sorry, I didn''t realize what day it was.


    Quite all right, Tabitha Diaz. It had been far too long since I spent the day with you rather than the other way around. It gave your Maenad and your High Priestess some much needed time away from watching over you.


    Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    "Did you guys really watch over me the whole time I was out?"


    "Watched over you or slept next to you, one or the other. Sometimes both." She shrugged it away, like it hadn''t been a whole big thing. I pulled her to me with the arm she''d used as a pillow, just snuggling her tight to me. Her arms went around me, and we lay there like that, her face against my chest. Beloved?


    Yeah, Kitten?


    Would you indulge me, just for a few moments?


    Always, for as long as you like!


    She pulled her arms back until her hands rested on the outside of my boobs. Then, before I could react, she straight up motorboated me. I lay there, too stunned to react other than the smile that crept across my face. When she ran out of breath she pulled back and smiled sheepishly up at me. Then she did it again.


    "Enjoying yourself?"


    She pulled back, grinning from ear to ear. "Mostly I''m enjoying your self right now. What about you?"


    "Kind of too surprised to pay attention to that."


    "Oh, that certainly won''t do." Then she did it again. This time she really got into it, starting to laugh as she did so. It kinda tickled, and even if the diagonal scar between my breasts ached a little at the motion, that grin she''d had on made it all worthwhile. Also, the more she did it the more it tickled. I''d also be a liar if I said I didn''t react just a little bit. Okay, more than a little bit, but if she''s hot when she''s all serious and shit? She''s absolutely fucking adorkable when she''s silly. I laughed out loud, and when she started to pull back I put my arms around her head and hugged her to me. More motorboating ensued. Things devolved from there. Y''know what? Fuck that, things evolved from there. Not gonna buy into that ''getting physical and sexual is crude'' thing any more. Puritans screwed me up enough in my last life, hell if I''m gonna let ''em do it in this one.


    Knew I''d made the right call when I went to slide my arms down her back, intending to get a nice grip on her butt, and her head kinda followed my arms, eventually slipping into my hands. The whole world went away for a while after that, because apparently my wife has raised her canoodling skill somehow. I''d Inspect her to check, but in the first place that''s rude, and in the second I had everything I could do not grabbing at her hair like handlebars.


    I decided right then that I was gonna find a way to get her to wear pigtails at some point. Screw it, I''d do it too. What''s good for the goose is good for the other goose too, right?


    Afterward, I lay there panting, every one of my scars aching, but in that sore ''we were healing just fine, cut that shit out'' way, not the spiky, sharp, ''you done fucked up, moron'' way.


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    Her fingers tracing the pale diagonal line between my breasts, which stood out now more that my skin was flushed, she whispered, "sorry if that got a little bit athletic."


    This time I did use her hair to turn her head to face me. "No. I will not have you feeling guilty over something I enjoyed. I could have said ''stop'' at any point."


    "I seem to recall a few times your mouth was full."


    So I could have said stop this way.


    "I also remember a few times your brain seemed a little overtaxed."


    I pulled her up and kissed her. When we came up for air, I said, "seriously, if I don''t start getting some kind of exercise, I''ll come out of my recovery a doughy lump."


    "Does this count as exercise now?"


    "Hmm... elevated heart rate, check. Stretching, check. Endorphin rush, checkity check check, hella check even. Over fifteen minutes, also check. I mean, I guess there wasn''t any strength training involved, really."


    "Not even when you lifted me up to reposition me?" She put on a mock offended face. "Without even asking! Not even a ''by your leave'' or ''do you wanna''. Just yanking me around like a rag doll."


    I snickered, sounding surprisingly like the menace to my own ears. "I do not yank. I yoink. And you''re way closer to a real doll than a rag doll anyway."


    She opened her mouth, then snapped it shut. After a moment she closed her eyes and said, "do I even want to ask?"


    I grinned at her again and said, "probably not, but I''m gonna answer anyhow. So, I know I''ve told you about movies, right?"


    "Yes."


    "Well, some movies require visuals that you can''t get from a real live person. Like somebody being cut in half, or shot, or beheaded or whatever."


    She narrowed her eyes a bit and said, "go on."


    "So some people got really good at making lifelike, well, dolls. Mannequins. People sized, people shaped, that look and even feel and can move like people. Like, not ''move of their own volition'', but ''when you yoink or yeet them, they move and bounce right'', and everything." I smiled at her increasing levels of side-eye. "So eventually computer graphics got better at doing that than, y''know, real world models, so those guys were looking at unemployment when they realized they could make, ah, intimate entertainment dolls. Since they were so lifelike, they called them ''real dolls''."


    Her side-eye got a little speculative. "Wouldn''t those be kind of passive?"


    I shrugged. "Not like I''ve ever used one, but probably."


    "So you''re saying I''m passive?"


    Inspiration struck to save me from what was no doubt Saffron''s terrifying revenge. "Of course not. I''m saying that your body is so nice it must have been hand crafted to be perfect."


    She frowned at me, but couldn''t quite keep it up. "Not your best save ever, Diaz."


    "No, but it was a save, wasn''t it?"


    "Considering I''m wondering how passive I could get you to be, or how passive I could be without you giving up on me, I suppose so."


    I laughed at that, and after a moment she joined me. "Seriously, Kitten, I''m kinda beat. Also a little hungry."


    "How many times have you eaten since you passed out?"


    "Uh... food?"


    She bonked me with a pillow. "Yes, food. Goof."


    "Twice? I think?"


    Her face got a little pale, and she dropped the pillow. "Did you eat a lot while you were doing all that Curing?"


    "Oh, yeah. After the first day they remembered and brought me sandwiches every day at lunch."


    She dragged her hand over her face. "One sandwich per day?"


    "Yeah?"


    "Do you feel up to... never mind. Hold still, Goof." A moment later my one set of ''casual clothes'' appeared on my body; a moment later Saffron''s civvy outfit showed up on her. She took my hand, hoisted me more or less upright, and then pushed me backward onto a Dining Hall seat. "Marie!"


    Wheels squeaked in response to her call, and a moment later the menace glomped my head from behind. "Yes?"


    At the same time, Isnomi took a deep breath with her face buried in my hair then yelled, "Momma!" at the top of her lungs.


    "I just discovered that our dear Tabitha has eaten maybe five normal meals since Yule. Less than one Tabitha-meal all told, probably."


    A pause, then Marie said, "Oops." I could hear the wince in her voice when she said it.


    "Oops indeed. I didn''t think of it either. Tabitha, are you feeling well enough to feed yourself, or do I need to spoon feed you?"


    I looked at her, hoping she wouldn''t notice the mischief in my eyes. "What about I''m well enough to feed myself, but I want you to anyway?"


    "I don''t think I could shovel food into you that fast. Not safely anyhow. Right now, you need to eat."


    Before I could say another word, Marie manhandled a tray of sausages in front of me. A little hand grabbed one as it went past, and then the smell of the sausages hit my nose. Some time later, as I gulped down the last sausage on the tray, I looked around to see the other ROTC Cadets staring at me. "Hey, Diaz. Welcome back," said Angel.


    "Good to be back. Also, more food please, Marie?" Before I finished the request, a tray of spicy eggs hit the table. Angel pushed the nearest water pitcher at me, careful to keep her hand on the far side of it at all times. "Oh, gawd, these are so good," I groaned out through a mouthful.


    Isnomi bounced on my shoulders, chanting, "Eat! Eat! Eat!" while I shoveled spoonful after spoonful into my bottomless maw. Normally I might get a little annoyed at that kind of thing, but she''s cute, the food was too good, and I was too hungry to care. A tray of jalapeno scrapple arrived just as I finished off the last of the eggs. Marie kept that up for the rest of the meal, sliding a new tray in every time I emptied one, making sure my water pitcher never stayed empty, and in the moments of down time making sure the rest of the table didn''t suffer from my making an absolute oinker of myself.


    As the end of the meal approached, Headmaster Miles walked over to our table on the way out and said, "Cadet Diaz. I''m happy to see you up and about. I take it this means you''ll be ready to return to classes or other duties some time soon?"


    Before I could swallow to answer, Saffron spoke for me. "I''m afraid not, sir. She''s still nowhere near fully healed, and Marie and I just realized she''d been starving herself even before she collapsed."


    The Headmaster frowned. "That''s not good. Was that deliberate, Cadet?"


    I shook my head and took a big gulp of water before speaking. "No, Sir. I just didn''t think about it. At the start there were just too many people who needed Curing, and after the first day I wasn''t in any kind of shape to self-diagnose. I think I sort of forgot about being hungry, what with the constant casting."


    He shook his head. "You''ll need to work on that in the future, Cadet. In the meanwhile, however, those around you will need to remember that you have a habit of forgetting to care for yourself."


    I frowned a little and swallowed another bite. "I''m tough, Sir. I can take it."


    "Cadet Aetos, if you would?" Saffron leaned over the table and flicked me on the forehead. "Thank you, Cadet. Just because you can do so does not mean you should. Everyone in the city owes you a debt, and it would be poor repayment if we let you starve while we''re supposed to be letting you heal. Do try to keep that in mind from now on?"


    I tried to look as contrite as I could while swallowing another bite. "I''ll try, Sir."


    "See that you do. Cadet Aetos?"


    "Yes, Headmaster?"


    "See that she''s properly taken care of when she inevitably fails to do so. Also do let me know when you think she''s ready to resume some form of duties."


    "Will do, Headmaster."


    With that, he nodded and walked out of the Dining Hall, headed for his office. I looked around the Hall and realized that all the remaining Maids had congregated around our table, their carts loaded up with what looked like leftovers. Marie slid her empty cart aside and hefted the first of the leftover trays in front of me. I realized at that point that the rest of the tables hadn''t been getting breakfast, they''d been eating dinner food, like the half-tray of meatloaf in front of me. "Eat."


    "Yes, Ma''am."


    Hey, it''s a jungle out here. Eat or be eaten. Eagles and Tigers and Menaces. Oh, my.

 Day One Hundred And Seventy-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    Never really thought I''d hit a point where I''m getting to sleep, eat, and screw around all day and I''d start getting all rammy about it. Seriously, this is exactly what I dreamed of doing as a kind of ''happily ever after''.


    Okay, not really, but only because I don''t, never really believed in ''happily ever after''. Hell, back in Camden I''m not sure I believed in ''happy''.


    Nothing new in dream town. Okay, some of the psychedelic tadpoles are back to their titillating ways, but after yesterday with Saffron? Not really surprising, if dreams are just the brain filing away memories like one of my old science teachers told me.


    Woke up slowly, surrounded by fuzzy. Marie in front of me, Menace on top of me, and it took me way too long to realize that the rest of the fuzzy was just, y''know, me. Some part of me panicked, but whatever part that was wasn''t in charge at the moment. Instead I just relaxed in the warm, fuzzy pile and slowly brought my Blend up, almost like slowly stretching into an upright position, or something like that.


    For some reason I wound up laying there thinking about what my life had been like back in Camden, and where I might have wound up if I hadn''t been, y''know, shot in the forehead by somebody who could easily measure their dick diameter by comparing it to bullets. When I''d thought about the future at all, I''d been pretty sure I''d wind up working minimum wage until I wound up pregnant, then working two or three jobs to try and make things better for whatever crotch goblin crawled out of me. Those rare times when I fantasized about something better I kinda wanted to become a writer. I''d always been a big Patterson fan, but even back then I wasn''t sure whether I liked his gritty adult stuff or his kid stuff more. I mean, obviously I told everybody I loved the gritty stuff, because as a teenager it''s what you do, but some part of me just liked, I dunno, simpler things.


    Hell, maybe I would have wound up a poet. One of those people who throw a dozen words on a page and call it a day or some shit like that.


    Eventually, before I could get really maudlin, I poked my wife. Kitten?


    Yes, Tabitha?


    I might have winced a little. Am I in trouble?


    A warm wave of reassurance flowed over me. No, of course not. I''m just in the middle of an Inter-City Council meeting, so I''m thinking in formal at the moment.


    Thinking in formal, huh? Any chance I could tempt you into joining me in bed here just to add some spice to your meeting? We''ve had plenty of casual sex, I can''t help but wonder what formal sex is like.


    Are Marie and Isnomi still there?


    Rats! Foiled again!


    A silly giggle echoed through my head, followed by Saffron thinking, entirely without heat, dammit.


    Everything okay?


    I just need to figure out how to explain to George that I wasn''t laughing at him without making Ophelia think I was laughing at her.


    No worries, Kitten. Just blame everything on me. I''ve got broad shoulders.


    Don''t I know it. Right now, though, you need to get your pert behind down to the Dining Hall for lunch.


    Yes, Ma''am. Love you, Kitten.


    Love you too, Goof. I''ll be home when this meeting is done. Probably mid afternoon at the earliest though.


    With that she was gone. I stirred a little, and Marie''s eyes slid open. "Hi."


    "Good Morning, Marie. Sleep well?"


    She quirked her lips into a lopsided smile and said, "Guard."


    "You didn''t sleep? Because you were guarding me?"


    She didn''t reply to that, just shrugged. I snuggled into her, whispering, "thank you," into her fur.


    A purr vibrated through me as she quietly replied, "de nada."


    Isnomi chose that moment to get grumpy about me moving away, possibly about me going non-fuzzy, and snuggled back up to my back, muttering, "Momma," in a satisfied tone as she did.


    "Okay, ladies," I said loud enough to be not-whispering, but soft enough to wake the menace as gently as possible. "Mom Saffron has informed me that I need to get down to the Dining Hall for lunch. I''m not feeling super hungry, but I half expect there''s something wrong with my appetite at the moment anyhow."


    Marie slipped out from under the covers and got herself dressed, while the menace clambered over me under the covers, somehow managing to pull more cold air in than Marie had getting out from under the covers entirely. I pebbled up something fierce at that, but despite that the little one didn''t immediately go in for a pre-lunch nom. "Menace? You feeling okay?"


    Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    She patted the upper curve of my breast, sighed, and said, "Mom say no nom Momma."


    Kitten?


    Yes Goof?


    No nom on Momma for Menace why again?


    Somehow Saffron managed to transmit rolled eyes through our link, followed by, not until you''re fully healed. She''s mostly weaned in any case, so she won''t suffer. The maids might, trying to keep up with her appetite as well as yours, but I''m sure Marie can rise to the challenge.


    But...


    But what, Goof?


    I think I kinda liked doing that.


    If rolled eyes were strange, the mental image of her headdesking was even stranger. Weren''t you the one who said it weirded you out?


    I''ve changed and grown as a person?


    She mock growled, who are you and what have you done with Tabitha? Before I could reply she broke down laughing. No, no, I understand, completely, but until you''re fully healed, I want you focused on healing. Marie and I will make sure she doesn''t want for milk, and I''m sure she''ll suffer through suckling on you once you''re healed.


    She''d better.


    Saffron just laughed in my brain and cut the connection after that. I snuggled Isnomi and said, "Don''t worry, it''s just until I get better, Menace. Mom said so."


    "Ged bedder how?"


    "According to Mom and Marie, I need to eat, apparently."


    With that she flung off the covers and started yanking me toward the armoire. "Mon, Momma! Mon to Lunch!"


    I might have gotten dressed faster if I wasn''t laughing so much, but I couldn''t be mad, what with her ''helping'' me every step of the way. She even made Marie help her get dressed faster, telling me, "Sid, Mama. Sid down," when I tried to help. So I sat there and smiled as I watched her get dressed, then stopped her with a finger to her chest when she came to collect me.


    "No fuzzy outside the room, Menace." She folded her arms and stuck out her lip. "Thought I''d forget, huh?"


    Her lip stuck out further, but the fuzzy disappeared. Then she grabbed me and started pulling. I tried to scoop her up, but she held up a hand. "No. Momma ged bedder. Isnomi Big Gir wok."


    I smiled down at her. "Okay. Can you hold my hand, to make sure I don''t fall?"


    She looked so much like Saffron when she rolled her eyes at me that I almost teared up, but I saw a secret little smile hiding behind her eyes, and she reached up and solemnly took my hand. About halfway to the Dining Hall, I looked down and realized that she was holding my hand, and I wasn''t bent over. Yeah, my hand was straight down at my side, and she was on tiptoes, but still. "Getting even bigger, huh, Menace? You''re just eating, sleeping, and growing nowadays, aren''t you?"


    That added a smug little grin to the mix, which stayed there until she towed me into the Dining Hall, set me in my seat, and then scampered under the table to get to Saffron''s empty spot. When the rest of the ROTC Cadets rolled in a few minutes later, they each took the opportunity to come around and give me a little welcome back hug. With some, like Raven and Fred, it was a side-hug thing, with others they full on pressed themselves against my back and put their arms around me. When Angel stepped up, she smiled, yoinked me to my feet, and said, "come here, you," then straight up bear hugged me, lifting me from my feet and shaking me a little even.


    "I take it this means we''re good now?" I gasped out when she finally put me down.


    She nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, we''re good."


    "Finally figure out I''m not as scary as I look?"


    She laughed at that, shaking her head while she did. "Oh, hell naw. Bill and I saw what you did to the ''Damn soldiers. Right Bill?"


    Bill had already sat down and was lifting a bite to his mouth when she asked. He stopped mid-bite, then shook his head and put his spoon back down, rubbing at his eyes with his other hand. "Oh, gods below, why did you have to remind me of that right now, Angel?"


    She snorted, "you''re the only one here who thinks this isn''t better than home cooked food, man. Give it a minute and you''ll be fine." She turned to me and leaned forward until our foreheads touched. "Seriously, Diaz. That shit was the most gruesome thing I''ve ever seen. Saffron told us why you did it, too."


    I raised an eyebrow, laying my arms across hers. "So you finally get that I really would do that for any of you guys?"


    She smirked a little and shook her head. "I really don''t think you''d lose your shit quite so much if it had been me or Bill, but then I don''t blame you for that either. I''d kick the shit out of somebody that hurt you, yeah, but if I were in love with someone like you''re head over heels for Saffron? I''d go straight up murder happy too. But none of that''s why."


    If I blushed a little at how she smiled about me and Saffron, I refuse to be embarrassed for being a little embarrassed. Fuck off, you know what I mean. Anyway, I quietly asked, "then why?"


    She smiled, shaking her head again. "You didn''t even ask names or anything when you were Curing people, did you?"


    I rolled my eyes, "I was a little busy, y''know?"


    She laughed at me. "yeah, I figured. There are a shit-ton of Mac Connos in the Yards. Even more cousins and shit that don''t have the name." She shook her head. "I literally lost count how many of them stopped by to tell me you''d Cured them. I mean, shit, they were here to thank you, but I had to tell them you''re still sleeping that shit off."


    I tried not to shrink away from her. Something about not wanting to be the center of attention when I wasn''t the one putting me there. "You''d have done the same for Saffron, or Isnomi, or Marie."


    She straight up grabbed me by the ears and headbonked me. In case you''re wondering, it''s a much gentler version of a headbutt. Like a cat would do, only coming from Angel, who after half a year of working out and high volume high protein nomming, had more in common with Marie''s muscle mass than with mine? Kinda rattled my brains a bit. "Yeah, I''d want to, but I didn''t. Hell, I couldn''t, not for days on end like you." She pulled me in for another hug, then spun me back around to sit me down, hands on my shoulders. "Show off. Just to let you know you were invited to New Years'' Day in like, half the homes in the Yards. And that''s just my very extended family talking."


    My brow furrowed. "New Years? Shit, did I sleep through that?"


    Angel laughed, shook her head, slapped me on the shoulder, and walked back around to her seat. Bill turned to me and rolled his eyes a little, "you''ve been out of circulation for days, not months. For what it''s worth, you''re invited to Drivers'' for New Years as well."


    "Sounds like I''m gonna have to get back in tip top shape by then. Y''know, in order to fully get my party on with everybody in the Yards?"


    That got quite a few spit takes from the table. Bonnie turned bright red and her mouth worked like she wanted to say something, but couldn''t figure out how to say what she wanted without making it worse. I, of course, being a mature, intelligent woman, took the higher path of stuffing my mouth with Salisbury steak, bread, and vegetable soup until the Maids shooed everyone else away and dumped all the leftovers into me.


    Isnomi led me back to our room like a tug with a tanker. When we got there, she pointed to the bed and, when I sat, started working industriously to get my boots off. By the time she got one done, Marie had the rest of me stripped, and I curled up under the blankets with a fuzzy little Menace snuggled up to me like a warm teddy bear.

 Day One Hundred And Seventy-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, I''ve never really thought about it, but back in Camden, while we had a lot of ''found family?'' We didn''t have much in the way of ''non-friend trust''. There were people who forced ''respect'', meaning fear and obedience, like cops and some gangs. There were people you knew were nominally ambiguously neutral, like teachers and ''in-laws'' like the siblings of your sibling''s baby daddies. People were either ''your people'', ''furniture'', or ''enemies''.


    Still kinda weird that a year ago I''d have slotted cops into ''enemies'' pretty fuckin'' quick, and here? I''m a cop in all but name. Shit, I''m pretty much a fuckin'' Fed.


    At least there''s no ''war on drugs'' here and now, so I don''t have to worry about being a narc.


    So, the psychedelic tadpoles are slowly sliding back into ''soothe'' mode after a frenzy of ''titillate'' yesterday. Not an on-off switch like last time, though. Weird. Then again, Saffron didn''t make it home until late last night, and she looked way too tired to get our private party on, even if Marie and the menace weren''t snoozing on the floor. We just snuggled up and slept. She murmured something about ''soft and warm'' right before she went to sleep. No idea what she was on about; after all the training since I got here, I''ve got exactly two vaguely soft points. Then again, she did kinda have the back of her head right up against them.


    I woke to her pulling on the boots of the dress of Glowing Midnight. Marie and the menace were nowhere to be seen. I pushed myself up on one elbow and asked, "you really have to leave this early?"


    She shook her head, but with as much annoyance as negation. "Technically the meeting won''t start until well after breakfast, since Ophelia refuses to eat ''field rations'', as she calls them." She snorted. "We''ve had hot meals delivered from Newark daily since the quarantine began, but they''re not good enough for her."


    I sighed. "Damn. Did I miss breakfast again?"


    She got a bit of a faraway look, then shook her head, her cheeks a little red. "The Maids are still setting things up."


    "Did you just Co-Locate to the Dining Hall?"


    "Maybe."


    "With nothing but your boots on?"


    "I was Blended and way back in a corner."


    I rolled over and rested my chin on my hands. I had to look up to meet her gaze, but given the overall view I had zero complaints. "Maids noticed you anyway?"


    Now she blushed, and given that she was still re-adjusting her garters to be just so after pulling her boots on, I got to see exactly how far that blush went. "It''s unnerving that they noticed me with Blend up. It''s frightening the way they all swiveled their heads to look at me."


    I sensed something beyond that by the way she paused. "What else?"


    "They started purring."


    If I''d been one whit less intent on the view from bed height, I might have lost it laughing at that point. Instead, I just said, "can''t blame them, really." Then reached out, grabbed the tops of her boots, and yoinked her back onto the bed, juggling her a little until she landed with her knees on the bed, her ankles on my shoulders.


    "Tabitha! I''ve got to get to the Council meeting, and you''ve got to get breakfast!"


    "I''m an invalid and stuff. We get dessert first."


    Her complaints got a lot more incoherent long before she stopped making them. Okay, they might have stopped being complaints. Couldn''t hear her all that well with leather pressed to my ears.


    Afterward, I lay there grinning like the cat that stole the cream. Such an appropriate simile. Anyhow, she got back up and reached for her corsetry.


    "Why don''t you just, y''know," I made a finger-gun gesture with my right hand, made a ''pew'' noise, and dressed her up. Loki''s tricks come in handy in the most pedestrian of situations.


    I was a god of simple households long before I became a trickster, you know.


    She turned and looked down at me, trying to frown but losing the battle to an amused grin. "While it''s certainly quicker, I''ve come to realize that it can leave certain garments, ah, less than optimally placed."


    I looked her up and down, blatantly enjoying the view. She blushed a little, and preened a little more. "Everything looks good from here."


    She rolled her eyes at me. "You''d say that even if it were half off, or on backwards or something."


    "Have you seen how far the back plunges? Virgin killer shit right there."


    "Like you''d know anything about virgins."


    "Point."


    She smirked at me, "Besides, it mostly comes up with certain garments you never wear combined with sitting still for long periods of time, which you never do."


    "Garments I don''t... Oh, yeah. Right." when her meaning hit me I blushed a little my own self. "Can''t you, y''know, adjust stuff?"


    Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.


    "Of course I can, but usually we do that when we''re pressed for time." She grinned at my blush, then set about adjusting things. "Besides, I find dressing a sort of preparatory ritual. Like putting on armor before a battle."


    I frowned, rolling half over to lean on my side. "Y''know, it bothers me a little; we put our Volunteers in that leather crap, which I kinda get, since that much plate would be a huge investment for people who might not wear it ever again, but other than the helmets, our Heroes don''t get any."


    She shrugged, which she''d been doing anyway to get her corsetry settled, and replied, "some Heroes buy fine chain to wear under their Jackets, and I''ve heard some have plastrons, greaves, even vambraces. But the Jackets themselves are more protection than you''d expect, what with all the layering, and most of our training goes to avoiding being hit in the first place."


    "Huh. I didn''t think of that."


    "Extended pondering doesn''t seem to be your forte, love. Flashes of intuition, leaps of faith, sudden moments of enlightenment certainly. I expect thinking too much about any one thing bores you."


    I laughed hard enough my eyes slipped closed. "Ain''t that the fuckin'' truth."


    Before my eyes opened, the sheets shifted beneath me and I flopped onto my back. Her palms pressed my shoulders down, and my eyes popped open to see her upside down, leaning over the foot of the bed, her face hovering above mine. "No, this is the truth. I love you, Tabitha Diaz." Her lips met mine, and I forgot about anything but the taste of her mouth until I felt the bed shift, her hands slipped down to my breasts, and from the foot of the bed I heard her say, "and, since both of us are going to be late for breakfast anyway, this is fucking."


    I kinda lost all track of anything coherent for a while after that.


    Afterward, when the her down twixt my nethers disappeared, she knelt next to the bed, leaning over to hold me quietly. Eventually she sighed and said, "you really do need to get to breakfast, though." A moment later, I was dressed in my civvies, and the next my ass dropped into my seat in the Dining Hall, with her hands once more holding my shoulders as she stood behind me. "Sorry I can''t stay, everyone, but duty calls."


    "Don''t you need breakfast too?" I asked.


    Oh, beloved Goof, I''ve been eating breakfast since I finished dessert.


    Uh, I hope you, uh... won''t they notice?


    A throaty chuckle rolled through my head. Oh, Goof. They already think you''re sharing me with Mimic. Let them wonder who. I would say I don''t give a fuck, but that would obviously be a lie.


    That left a smile on my face all the way through breakfast. It stayed there through me cleaning up the leftovers, and even when I swapped into my uniform and stepped up to the Practice Yard to run a few laps. A few of the scars on my legs complained a little, so I didn''t push really hard. Maybe halfway to lunch those complaints intensified, so I stepped back to my cell, winced a little at the ''shouldn''t have done that'' sting that came with my second Translocation of the day, stripped and dropped back into bed.


    I woke to a dream of a tinier than normal Saffron yeeting somethings into my mouth as I lay there chilling in the sun by the lakeside. I woke to her saying, "It''s lunchtime, shouldn''t you be in the Dining Hall?"


    I blinked and looked around the silent, dark room. Did you just say something to me?


    Yes. It''s lunchtime, you should be getting to the Dining Hall. Because I suspected you''d gone back to sleep.


    Weird. Dreamt you were here and said that out loud.


    Get dressed and down to the Dining Hall. You need three solid meals a day to get you healed up as quickly as possible.


    I stood, willed my civvies on, and when that didn''t hurt, stepped down to the Dining Hall. My whatever-I-used-to-Translocate grumbled a little at that, but it was a grumble, not a pain, so I got my ass in a chair and, with a nod to the others as they came in, started eating. More Salisbury Steak today. No vegetable stew, but the gravy had crunchy little pearl onions in it. Surprisingly good. Why do I get the idea that ''as quickly as possible'' was prompted by something less nice than wanting to fully explore the infinite intimate possibilities of Co-Location and Mimickry?


    You, my lovable Goof, are very bad for George''s peace of mind.


    Huh?


    Just Happening to him might only be fair after this. I tend to look at him when you distract me, because he''s the least likely to take offense, get the wrong idea, or act on those wrong ideas.


    I snickered. You, me, Marie, or some combination thereof?


    Weren''t you the one just extolling the virtues of limitlessness? I got the impression of a rueful headshake. Potential assignations aside, your presence has been specifically requested.


    That took me more than a little by surprise. Somebody actually wants me at a Inter-City Council meeting?


    No, Ophelia hasn''t gotten that bad yet, and frankly Lancaster can deal with her.


    Thoughts of Big Poppa Lancaster brought a frown to my face. He isn''t bullying George and the Drivers, is he?


    That brought a smile from her. Surprisingly, no. He''s been nothing but polite to both of them, and while Mr. Driver has returned to running Drivers'' full time, Mrs. Driver is surprisingly resistant to intimidation. No, love, Lancaster is the one who requested you.


    That got my hackles up. I shoveled in more hamburger in gravy and thought, please tell me he''s not wanting what you''re planning for George?


    Me? Planning such a thing? Never. That came with the image of a wicked smile, followed by, no, he wants you with the group that will be going to check in on Lachlan and Lancaster House.


    Almost inhaled a pearl onion at that. What?


    With Phileo and Camden leaving local lockdown, we''re moving three quarters of the Heroes and Clerical Healers here to New Amsterdam. I''d never quite realized how much bigger New Amsterdam is than Phileo. In any case, we''re keeping some Heroes and Clerical Healers in Phileo and the Yards, as well as sending the remainder to the outlying communities with enough Volunteers and Cadets to lock down any infected communities if needed, as well as enforcing the quarantine between Cured and Uncured villages until this is all over.


    I thought about that for a second. Where does that put me?


    In charge of a few dozen units of Volunteers, with your choice of Freshman Cadets to lead them. Plus Laurence Lancaster, since if Lachlan is ill or Goddess forbid dead, he can take command of Lancaster House with little to no resistance.


    I bought a little time by slicing a loaf of dark bread in half longways to make a long, skinny bun for a couple gravy burgers. No real complaints from my Mana on that one, which I took as a good sign. Why the hell am I leading this group?


    Because you''re a Cadet now, leaving you the highest ranked, and odd though this sounds, both Lancasters apparently trust you.


    I froze with my sandwich halfway to my mouth, the whole ''does not compute'' of the situation causing my brain to go on the fritz. Wha? I thought they both hated me.


    Oh, don''t misunderstand. Lancaster hates you, although it seems more like an obligatory hatred because of your High Priestessness than anything personal, but both he and Leonard respect you. They trust that you''ll do whatever''s best for the Lancasters'' people.


    I grumped a bit, gnawed at my burger, and thought, I have no idea why they think that.


    Saffron''s mental voice caressed me gently. You Cured Laurence Lancaster before anyone else, love. Even before your own family.


    Y''know, I''ve got to find a way to time travel. Because last week me needs her ass kicked. Just sayin''.

 Day One Hundred And Eighty

    Dear Diary,


    Some days lately I think I''m losing my fuckin'' mind. Up is down, left is right, I''m the trusted, responsible one and the fuckin'' Lancasters are following my lead.


    Insanity, I tell you. No goddamn sense at all the world is making.


    My dreams seem saner than that shit, and they now star titillating tadpoles and chibi Saffron delivering treats on the daily. Obviously she''s not there at night, because she''s been pretty good about sleeping in our bed every night lately. Something about now being one of many High Clergypersons in the New Amsterdam and Newark area, rather than one of two, and the only one with unlimited Curing Mana incoming from her Goddess. Not gonna give Lancaster too much crap, because he''s been doing most of the actual paperwork and administrative shit for the Army and Quarantine up there, and he has at least taken more than his share of Curing rotations, what with being a High Priest and shit.


    At any rate, I woke up to Saffron spooned up in front of me, Isnomi spooned in front of her, and Marie spooned behind me, her tail wrapping over and around so the menace could cling to it along with Mister Kraken. For like a week she''d left him abandoned on her bed. Not, like, thrown away or anything, but not toted around to wherever she slept. Apparently she''s now secure enough in her Big Girlhood to be seen snuggling her stuffed animal while she sleeps. Fuck it, I''m calling that my Momming Win for the week, because I sure as shit haven''t had one prior to this that I can remember. Hell, Saffron''s got her Momming me half the time, including any time Marie isn''t available for it.


    I lay there gently running my fingers through Saffron''s hair, occasionally laying it across Isnomi. As far as I knew, she hadn''t cut it since I''d met her, and it was getting kinda long. Not a complaint in any way, mind you. Saffron hair good, more Saffron hair better. Okay, except when I swallowed it, because while her hair is thick and curly and dark as every carnal sin I want to commit with her, it''s also kinda coarse, and it''s tough as hell. If I swallow a bit that''s been shed it''s like swallowing a heavy duty plastic spring or some shit. If it hasn''t been shed? Same deal, except it doesn''t break, so I''m stuck trying not to gag as I pull it out and hope she doesn''t notice.


    Wild thing? It''s gotten pretty long now. Long enough the ends ought to be at least getting an introduction to the beginnings of my oubliette of a digestive tract, but there''s never a whiff of any kind of digestion when they''re pulled out. Not complaining, mind you, because that smell on top of gagging would be weird and unpleasant. Of course, the fact that it comes out smelling of ginger snaps makes no goddamned sense at all. None that I can see, though, and it''s my damn stomach. I don''t even like ginger snaps. It''s like somebody was once told about cookies, and set out to make them, but had no idea other than a vague description about ''crunchy spice circles''. I want my spice circles greasy or fluffy, not crunchy.


    Eventually she shifted just a little, ever so working her shoulders against me. "Hey, Kitten. Good morning."


    "Good morning, love." She twisted her head around just enough for me to lean over and kiss her, slowly and gently. I''m forever boggled by how nice slow and gentle is. Back in Camden it was all, ''faster, faster, imitate a high powered vibrator, crank the Sybian up as high as it will go! Higher Deeper Faster Stronger!'' I wasn''t even gonna try and claim that Saffron and I don''t get, uh, extremely enthusiastic on occasion. She loved the fact that I''m nigh indestructible, our lover is straight up queen of the Murder Death Kult, and the day I made Lancaster piss himself she straight up demanded I leave her in a ''post-Chris-Brown-Rihanna'' state. When we went hard, we went psycho hard. But... and I still found myself shocked by this each time it happened, more often than not, especially since Yule, we''d gone softer, gentler, slower. Taking the time to really feel each feather light touch, each contact of skin on skin.


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    So we took our goddamned time with that kiss. By the time we''d finished, a wall of white fur stretched over me, and Marie took her own sweet damn time doing what I''d just done while I watched, fascinated. When they finally came up for air, I''m pretty sure Saffron must have had little swirly-spirals for pupils from lack of oxygen. I can''t be certain, though, because the moment Marie pulled away I looked up at her and quietly breathed, "my turn?"


    She grinned mischievously, then drawled her "Yes," out to three savored syllables before committing an excruciatingly slow, drawn out act of oral molestation on my poor lips and mouth. Like I said, I''m not sure about Saffron, but my vision sparkled by the time Marie finally pulled away fully. Laying back behind me, Marie lay an arm across both of us, her hand tenting over Isnomi in a sideways version of her five-point-menace-harness, then vibrated the whole bed with a purr I couldn''t hear, but couldn''t fail to feel.


    Tabitha, dear?


    Yes, Saffron darling?


    Can you see to it that Isnomi has a sleepover with Grandma tonight?


    We do still need to have our mutual wicked way with poor Marie, don''t we?


    "I do so love it when you know what I want without my having to specify. Even if it does imperil your reputation as the Goofiest of Goofs."


    "Pfft. I''ve got untapped reservoirs of stupid to unleash on the world if that ever happens. Trust me. I''ve spent my whole life preparing for this. Reddit trained me well, and fourchan honed my idiocy into an unrivaled weapon of mass sanity destruction. Fear my leet trolling skillz."


    A giggle escaped our little one before she squeaked out, "Momma silly."


    Saffron tickled her just enough to get her to roll over and face us, then kissed her on the forehead. "Yes, she is, isn''t she."


    "Complaints?"


    "Not a damn one."


    "No."


    "All silly." The menace shook her head sorrowfully at us, failing to realize the peril of her tactical situation. Three pairs of hands attacked in an unstoppable tide of tickles, and she giggled and squealed and squirmed. Not once did she say ''stop'', though.


    In fact, when I heard her hiccup I froze and asked, "Too much?" she shook her head back and forth as fast as she could, giggling all the harder when we went back to triple tickling. Eventually she stopped hiccupping and let out a massive belch and fart combo. All three of us froze, trying not to laugh so hard we pissed ourselves.


    Okay, I was trying not to do that, and I figured the others were too when the little one curled up, looking fake-embarrassed, and squeaked out, "cuze me," because all three of us completely lost it at that point.


    Y''know? If I told six-months-ago-me that I''d be lying here today, with Marie''s claws convulsively snicker snacking as even she lost her shit laughing at our precocious tyke? I''d have told me I was full of shit, deranged, or both.


    Weird how things change. Never how, when, why, or how fast you think they will. But I''ve hit the point where change? No longer terrifies me. Because sometimes? Things change for the better.

 Day One Hundred And Eighty-One

    Dear Diary,


    Other than the warm fuzzy wake up yesterday, my Friday wound up being straight up rest and refuel, no hijinks. I''m not super upset, I guess I need it, but another part of me really wants to get to grips with something. Anything. Y''know?


    So much sleeping, so much dreaming. All day spent catching treats thrown by Chibi-Saffron in a hibachi restaurant chef uniform. I have no idea what the fuck my subconscious is trying to tell me with that, because if I''m hungry after three epic mealtimes plus leftover cleanup a day? I don''t want to know how fat my Metaphoric ass is getting. I also kinda wish it could maybe pack just the tiniest amount of junk in my real world trunk. If my ass remains flat after I''m done what one of my science teachers called the ''filling out'' phase of growing? I''m gonna have some kind of complex about it.


    Woke up to Saffron fully dressed and leaning over me to lay a kiss on my forehead. When she noticed my eyes were open, she changed course to plant her lips on mine. We stayed liplocked like that for a bit, until she pulled back with a sigh. "I really do need to get to work, and at the moment any Mana I spend on Co-Locating is Mana I can''t spend Curing, or working on a Mass Curing Spell."


    I pouted up at her. "I thought you had the other High Clergy up there helping out now?"


    She nodded. "I do, but once we got more Volunteers up in New Amsterdam, we realized that a bigger portion of their already bigger population seems to be infected. Even with more people Curing, they still need me doing as much as I can."


    I stopped pouting, but pushed myself up on my elbows and frowned. "Do you need me up there?"


    She sat on the side of the bed and pulled my head to her breast. "Only you would ask if the people you slaughtered two weeks ago need Curing now."


    I shrugged, enjoying the effect on the chest pillows she pulled me against. "Not like I had anything personal against most of the City. Pretty much just the Oranges, and I''d still Cure them, if only because I don''t want them playing Typhoid Mary."


    "You keep using that term. I get what you''re saying, but who was this Mary?"


    I shrugged again. "Don''t really know much. Back in the day stupid plagues were a regular thing, but people had gotten the idea that quarantine was a good thing. But Mary didn''t show any symptoms, so she wasn''t quarantined, even though she full on had a raging Typhoid infection. Wound up spreading it to a whole city, I think. Something like, anyhow, before people caught on that the only common factor to a bunch of outbreaks was her."


    "Ouch."


    "Yeah. So do you need me?"


    She bit her lip, but eventually shook her head. "Yes, but no. We need help, and I want you by my side, but we desperately need someone to find out what''s going on down around Lancaster House. Not only did Lancaster leave a large formation of Volunteers there, who could help out in New Amsterdam, but from all accounts Calverton is likely to do something stupid, so we need to make sure that if they do, they find at least some resistance, rather than a swathe of our territory occupied by no more than the dead and dying."


    "And I''m going there because Lancaster threw his weight around?"


    She shook her head. "No. Worse. You''re going because he''s right. While the population around Lancaster House is high for the countryside, it is mostly countryside. If the total population is more than fifty thousand I''d be shocked, and most of those live on individual farmsteads. If they have a raging plague epidemic, you''re the one person in the Allied Cities who can stop it on her own."


    Weird how that warmed my heart, swelled my head, and contracted my sphincter all at the same time. "I appreciate the vote of confidence, but holy shit. Also, I still don''t know why I''m going to be the head honcho of the whole thing."


    She smiled down at me. "Because you''re a Cadet, Goof."


    "Yeah, but so''s Lancaster. Same for Rider or Rosen. Same for Angel or Bill."


    She rolled her eyes. "No, Goof. They''re Freshman Cadets. You''re not."


    "What am I then?"


    "My lovable, beloved Goofball, who apparently either forgot or didn''t understand when I told you that you''d been promoted. Remember moving up day? The one we''ve missed the past two times running?"


    "Wait, you mean I''m... How the fuck did that happen?"


    She giggled, "because the Marshall pulled every goddamned string he had an end of, and despite hating politics? He''s got enough strings to make a cable."


    I frowned, then sighed. "Shit. I guess that makes sense. I still wish I''d earned it, though. At least it will be handy for keeping the expedition to Lancaster... House... in... what did I say this time?"


    Still frowning, she grabbed me by the ear and pulled me up as she stood. Eventually, I knelt on the edge of the bed, still only half a head shorter than she stood with her boots on. "I do not take anyone speaking ill of my wife lightly, and I will not allow anyone speaking ill of her untruthfully. Now, I do not have the time today to do what I''d like to, which is to fuck sense into you until it sticks, since apparently the way to your brain is through your genitals. Ought not be a surprise, really, but still. Are you ready to listen?"


    I think my frown came more from her suggesting that she wanted to spend the day banging and still wasn''t going to than anything else, but I still pouted a little as I said, "yes, dear."


    "Good. As far as the inhabitants of Newark and New Amsterdam are concerned? You are a Hero."


    "The fuck? Didn''t I just kill the living shit out of a metric fuck ton of them like two weeks ago?"


    She smiled, "because you thought they''d hurt me, yes. They cannot believe that anyone less than a Hero could destroy a Hero-led army by themselves. Many of them have begun assuming that you are not only a Hero, but one who has Ascended to Demi-Godhood spontaneously, because the idea that you''re the High Priestess of Loki hasn''t really had the same impact as your, as you noted, killing the living shit out of a metric fuck ton of their strongest Heroes two weeks ago. At the same time, every man Jack of them that feels that way? Is a fervent supporter of the Alliance, since it means that you''re on their side now."


    I chuckled a little, "I''m a terrifying bitch, but I''m now their terrifying bitch?"


    She booped my nose and smiled down at me. "I wouldn''t have you any other way, Goof. Now, while plenty of Cities have begun to copy Phileo''s Academy model, Phileo is the only City that requires Heroes to meet a series of listed minimum standards. So even if the Marshall wanted to, which by the way he absolutely did and does, he couldn''t promote you higher than Cadet, since ''Senior Cadet'' is basically a Phileo Hero in all but name."


    "Yeah, but, I mean, c''mon. I''m, y''know, cheating. Horribly. I don''t deserve to be called a ''Hero''."


    She snorted, chuckled, then broke down laughing. Before I could get a bug up my ass about it, she leaned over and kissed me. I might get myself bent out of shape about someone being racist, or sexist, or less than adoring to my wife or kid or Maid, but I sure as hell amn''t stupid enough to stop kissing time because she was laughing at me. After enough time for me to almost forget what we''d been talking about, she pulled back, gasping for air.


    "Only you," she wheeze-chuckled.


    "Only me what?"


    "Only you," she said with a twinkle in her eye, "would use ''I''m the most powerful Primordial Goddess in the world'' as a reason why you can''t be a Hero."


    "Yeah, but, like I said, I''m cheating. It''s not like I did something really hard."


    She rolled her eyes so hard she wound up staring at the ceiling. "Oh, it wasn''t hard, I just wound up injuring myself so badly it''s taken a week of divine auto-intervention to recuperate from it. Twice in close succession."


    "Well, maybe, yeah, but I only got injured because I''m an idiot."


    My face stung where she slapped me hard enough to leave me looking at our shrine. "What did you say?"


    I turned back to her. "I''m an idiot?"


    This time I had to catch myself before spilling over onto the bed sideways. "What did you say?"


    My cheek burned as I pushed myself back around to face her. "Look, even you call me an idiot, so I must be an idiot."


    I wound up face down on the bed, my ass pointing toward her, with my knees on the floor. "What. Did. You. Say. About. My. Wife?"


    My cheek throbbed as I pushed myself up and spat out the blanket that lodged in my mouth. I might have been getting a little warm elsewhere as well. "Yeah, okay, but aren''t you the one calling me Goof?"


    Her hand stroked my back. "You''re random, and so foolhardy any mortal might have died weekly trying to pull off your goofy heroics. But you are not stupid. You are, despite all your foolishness, my Hero. Mine. My personal Hero, and in case you ever forget that, you look at your arm. You hear me, Goof?"


    I pushed myself around, looking up at her through lowered lashes. "Yes, Ma''am."


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    "Oh, no. I have to get to work, and you need to get to breakfast."


    "Why can''t we have both?"


    "I already told you why, Goof."


    "Yeah," I whined, "but you''re forgetting that I am..." Her hand flew, and I grabbed it, pulling her down on top of me as I fell backwards, "still not letting you out of this room until one of us passes out." I pulled her to me, devouring her mouth, her hands burying themselves in my hair as I wrapped my arms around her head and neck, holding her to me, ignoring everything else except the smell, the taste, the feel of her mouth, her tongue invading mine. I didn''t stop, refused to let go until static filled my vision behind my closed eyes.


    I woke up to my head throbbing a little, her voice chiding me, laughter filling my head. Only you, Goof. Only you would forget you can breathe through your nose and hold your breath. Goof.


    Love you too, Kitten.


    Love you, Goof. Go get some food, and if you''re feeling up to it, you''d probably do well to start putting things in motion for your expedition to Lancaster House.


    Yes, Ma''am, Imperator.


    Goof?


    Yeah, Kitten?


    When we actually have some time alone?


    Yes, Imperator. As you wish, Imperator. Anything for you, Imperator.


    Fucking Goddess on a crutch, stop that before I leave a Goddess-damned puddle on the floor of the strategy room.


    Yes... dear.


    She sent me the cutest image of her just then, her cheeks red and puffed out in a pout. Then she was gone.


    I took my time putting my uniform on, because while I figured it was time to start getting back to work, I could tell I really wasn''t quite back to tip top shape yet. I left the room, my plan for the day to start some wheels turning, check on Lenny, then do some cardio in the Practice Yard until I tired out. When I got down to the Dining Hall, the other ROTCs had started eating, but I saw no evidence of empty trays or pitchers, and the Maids hadn''t started bringing seconds around yet.


    As I slid into my place, Angel swallowed and said, "hey, Diaz! Does this mean you''re back?"


    I waggled my hand at her as I picked up a pitcher and gulped down some water before starting in on my first tray of eggs. "Not fully healed or anything, but good enough that training ought to help instead of hurt, and shit needs to get done, and I''m the one tapped by our Glorious Imperator to get it done."


    Fred looked up as if remembering something, swallowed, and said, "that''s right! You''re a full Cadet now! Congratulations on the promotion!"


    I might have blushed a little at the praise, then blushed a little more at the memory of my cheeks burning for entirely different reasons. "Yeah, I guess the Marshall figured the ''Damn Heroes might feel some kinda way if a Freshman Cadet whipped their asses."


    That got a round of chuckles. When I finished my first tray of eggs, I looked over and pointed my spoon at Bill. "Speaking of me being all high and mighty and in charge of shit now, I''m going to try to live up to my exalted position and start delegating shit. Bill, can you do something for me?"


    He shrugged, swallowed whatever he''d been chewing on, took a drink and said, "sure. What did you need?"


    "I wasn''t shitting about direct-from-the-Imperator orders; she''s having me lead an expedition to Lancaster House to see why we''ve heard dick-all from Lachlan since all this shit started."


    Angel looked up at that. "Oh, shit. Did Calverton get their thumbs out of their asses and invade or something?"


    I shrugged, and between bites replied, "we''ve got zero info, and pretty much every way we''d have of getting some is currently dedicated toward trying to stop the plague before it gets loose from New Amsterdam."


    Raven''s quiet voice cut in before anyone else, "could the plague have hit them too?"


    I winced, but nodded, "it''s almost a certainty. From everything we can tell? The plague vectored into Phileo from Lancaster House, not New Amsterdam. The timeline doesn''t support anything else."


    "Oh, Shit." Bonnie''s reply summed up the feeling of the table pretty well.


    Bill''s question came out more serious than I''d ever heard him. "What did you need from me?"


    "I need you to get with Marshall duBois and find out how many Volunteer units we can bring with us, then get those units sorted out, supplied for the trip to Lancaster House, and see how many Freshman Cadets we''re allowed to take along." I looked around the table. "I hope I can count on all you guys?" Everybody nodded, although Bonita looked like she wanted to piss herself. "You sure, Bonnie?"


    She jerked her head once, as if trying not to shake it, but said, "yeah. I just didn''t expect... it''s just sooner than I expected."


    I smiled at her, "you''ve done fantastic so far. You''ll be fine."


    She smiled at me, suddenly looking sad, and said, "thanks. I''ve been way out of my depth since this whole plague thing started, but at least I''m faking it well enough nobody can tell, right?"


    I smiled, "fake it till you make it, baby!" I reached out a hand, and she grabbed it. After a quick squeeze, I turned to Bill. "So definitely all of us. We''ll be taking Larry," despite everyone''s sudden frowns, I drove on, "because apparently if Lachlan''s missing Larry''s next in line, so people there will listen to him." Bill nodded in sudden understanding at least. "Also, I''ll want Rider and Rosen along."


    He balked a little at that. "Why?"


    "Because if he thinks we''re taking him along as a puppet, he''ll fight us every step of the way."


    "Aren''t we?" asked Angel.


    I shrugged. "Maybe? I mean, if he sticks his head up his ass, I''ll be the first one to yank it out, shove my hand up his ass far enough to work his mouth, and run him like a ventriloquist''s dummy. But I''d rather not. For all that he''s a weapons-grade asshole, he''s our weapons-grade asshole, and I''ve recently come to realize that despite that he''s actually got a few potentially useful skills hiding away behind and beneath all his bullshit."


    Angel''s mouth dropped open. "Who are you and what have you done with Tabitha?"


    I laughed, "seriously, guys. I had to spend a few days in his scintillating company up on the wall, and it showed me another side of him."


    Bonita shook her head, "I can''t believe there''s a side of him that isn''t a raging asshole."


    I tossed my head in a sideways shrug. "There isn''t, really, but there are sides that are vaguely competent at shit for all their raging assholeness."


    Bill blew out some air and said, "if you say so. Good to know the Academy entrance process isn''t totally fucked." Everybody at the table kinda head tilted at that, and he smiled and said, "think about it, if they let in somebody as useless as we all thought he was, what does that say about us?"


    Everybody kinda nodded and went back to eating. After a bit I thought about something and said, "see if you can get Carruthers, too."


    "Sure. Why?"


    "Eh, more tools in the toolbox. Sometimes the right tool for the job is a himbo."


    Everybody at the table except Fred lost it at that, and if he looked a little irked, I could tell he didn''t want to be the one to say something like, ''but I thought that was my job''. Eventually, though, Bill said, "I thought that was your job, boss?"


    I blinked a little bit. "Oh, shit, that is gonna take more than a little getting used to." Then I pulled my collar out and looked down the inside of my shirt, nodded, stuck my hand down the front of my pants, hamming it up as a felt around, then sighed. "Thank god, still not a guy."


    We mostly shot the shit between piling on the calories after that. When they all finished and the Maids started lining up the leftovers, Raven asked, "so what should the rest of us do? Go back to class, or?"


    I paused my consumption of mass quantities long enough to say, "stick with Bill. As he breaks stuff loose for us, one of you will probably be needed to go and fetch it, whether it''s getting the Volunteers sorted or taking some of them to collect food and travel supplies."


    She looked at me, smirked, then saluted. "You got it, Boss."


    That straight up made some leftover eggs go down the wrong pipe, and they all left chuckling as I pounded my chest and chugged water to stop my lungs burning. When I finished off all the leftovers, I looked around at the Maids and asked, "which of you guys is in charge? Is one of you guys in charge?"


    Before my question could ramble any further, the nearest Maid looked me square in the eye and said, with more than a little ''talking to the slow kid'' in her voice, "Marie." Weird, she had way more of the creaky Nightmare Fuel in her voice that I remembered from my first conversations with Marie than, well, Marie did now.


    I looked back at her and asked, "could you please let Marie know I''d like her to help Bill organize our food and travel supplies?"


    She nodded, then turned and strode for the doors while the rest of the Maids went back to organizing their carts. I pushed myself to my feet and meandered toward the Men''s Dormitory. When I got to the Gender Filtration Ward, I grimaced, took a deep breath, squared my shoulders and stepped to the Men''s Infirmary. Things inside felt... tight. A little sore, like I just stretched something, but not the kind of tearing soreness that came with stretching something too far.


    "Good Morning, Cadet Diaz. Congratulations on your promotion." Leave it to Lancaster to somehow manage to make saying congratulations sound like an insult. On the other hand, he didn''t seem insincere, which boggled my poor, tiny, smooth brain. He''d been sitting up in bed, with a tray on his lap holding a decent sized breakfast.


    "Damn, did everyone find out about that shit before me?" I shook my head, then continued. "How are you feeling, Larry?"


    He rolled his eyes. "Probably, since you apparently were busy healing the entire city by yourself." I opened my mouth to reply, but he cut me off. "Thank you."


    I shrugged, glancing away. "Just doing the job. I''m sure you''d do the same."


    He opened his mouth, shook his head, then spoke. "While it galls me to no end to admit this, I''m certain I could not have done so. I am surprised, however, that you''d credit me with even making the attempt."


    I smiled down at him, "I mean, you''d probably be doing it to get daddy''s attention. Or, I dunno, score with some hot chicks without paying for it? I dunno. I figure you''d be doing it for some kinda payout later, but..." I paused, half lifting a hand, trying to wrap my brain around what I was about to say. Part of me couldn''t believe that I was about to say something vaguely nice to Lancaster, even if it was mostly to keep the camel inside the tent pissing out, rather than outside pissing in. The rest of me was just stunned that I had, somewhere, scraped together enough maturity to make a decision based on something that mature and complex rather than, y''know, my normal motivations of ''get seXX0rz'', ''make cute go daww'', and ''for the lulz''.


    Right as he opened his mouth, I said, "whatever your reason? Yeah, I think you take the job seriously enough to at least make a good faith effort."


    His mouth worked as he started and discarded half a dozen replies before he finally ground out, "thank you. Also, thank you for visiting." He nodded toward where Doctor DeLeon sat at his desk, doing what looked like paperwork. Even in the middle of a goddamned epidemic, bureaucrats gotta bureaucrat. "Doctor DeLeon has insisted I remain bedbound, and everyone else has been too busy to spare any time for an invalid."


    I frowned down at him. I''d Cured him, and Healed the living piss out of him as well. I get that he''d needed to recover, but after two weeks I figured he''d be rested up by now. I glanced at Doc DeLeon, who more or less ignored me, then turned back to Larry and held out a hand. "Stand up, I wanna check something."


    He shrugged, then grasped my hand and pulled himself up. "At least I can say a superior officer ordered me out of bed."


    "Ow. Geez. Did your testicles retract or something when you said that? I mean, you didn''t choke on the word ''superior'', so I''m sure something must have gone sideways in you somewhere." Before he could reply, I cut him off and said, "okay, I''m ordering you to shout, ''fuck you, bitch'' as loud as you can at me."


    He blinked at that, then pulled back, giving me more than a little side eye. "Where''s the catch."


    I shrugged and smiled at him. "No catch. I figure you won''t hold back, since you can''t get in trouble for it, since I''m ordering you to do it. Right?"


    He shook his head and half-whispered, "yes, ma''am." Then he closed his eyes, took a few seconds inhaling, then screamed out, "FUCK YOU, DIAZ, YOU RAGING BITCH!" so loud that it echoed off the walls and ceiling despite all the hanging curtains, and Doc DeLeon, startled, knocked one of his piles of paperwork over. He turned and half rose, but I waved him back down. I nodded at his ''are you certain?'' look, then turned back to Lancaster.


    "Okay, Cadet. Go get your uniform on and meet me in the Practice Yard." As he blinked at that, I turned to Doc DeLeon and said, "if he can scream that loud and long without a single cough, he''s ready to start in on some rehab training." When he stopped his own objection before it started, then just nodded, I turned back and said, "we''re needed, Larry. As soon as we get our act together, you and I need to go figure out why the fuck nobody''s heard from Lancaster House since your dad got to Phileo."


    I stepped up to the Practice Yard while he still stood there absorbing what I''d said, then started running laps.


    When he joined me like fifteen minutes later, I was still asking myself, ''who the fuck are you, and what have you done with Tabitha?''

 Day One Hundred And Eighty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    Yeah, anybody who can tell you that you screwed up in a way that makes you thank them for it deserves some props. Come the day, the man definitely deserves his gold retirement watch.


    So yesterday morning Least Lancaster and I jogged away the morning, only not really. Bastard that he is, he kept incrementally upping his pace, trying to get ahead of me. Which I couldn''t allow, because even I know you''re not supposed to beat your subordinates, and his normally punchable face becomes irresistibly punchable when he''s smug. So by the time we broke for lunch, we were both more or less exhausted and covered in sweat.


    Lunch was lunch. Hamburger in gravy is hamburger in gravy. Nom.


    After lunch, we did it again; by the time dinner rolled around, I was starting to feel the burn and he was wheezing, but neither of us fell out, so I counted it as a win.


    I looked at him when he was still wheezing when we hit the stairs and said, "if you''re still wheezing like that tomorrow, Cadet, we''re gonna have to slow shit down. We''re trying to get back in fighting trim, not destroy one or both of us."


    He just stared at me, a booger look on his face, until finally he gave in and nodded. I raised an eyebrow and he wheezed out, "agreed, ma''am." Then he went down the stairs headed for dinner. I just stood there for a little bit, trying to figure out how the fuck I was supposed to check to make sure this wasn''t some kind of dream or nightmare. I surreptitiously kept checking over my shoulder for chibi hibachi chef Saffron chucking shrimp at me, but no joy.


    Of course, that put an entirely different kind of bug up my ass. At dinner I called one of the Maids over and asked, "do you guys ever get shrimp here, or is too spendy to feed to Cadets?"


    She stared at me, then creaked out, "Shrimp?"


    "Yeah, you know, little crustaceans, like lobsters but smaller? Itty bitty ocean crayfish? Shrimp. I''m kinda jonesing for some." She didn''t reply, just nodded and moved off. The rest of the cadets gave me kinda odd looks, but nobody said anything until I asked, "what?"


    They all buried themselves in their shoe leather beef and salt licks cut in the shape of ham steaks. All except Angel, anyway, who just shook her head and said, "I thought you were a little weird when you got the Headmaster to start buying fish, but at least there I figured you were doing a good deed for the fishermen or something. But... shrimp?" She shook her head and returned to masticating the shoe leather.


    "Okay, what''s the deal? What''s wrong with shrimp?"


    Bill turned to me and, after a couple moments of obviously trying to think of the right words, said, "you come across as," a quick pause, "not rich, exactly, but definitely not poor. Your first response might not be to take charge, but you don''t hesitate when you have to, and you don''t," here he paused again to note the others kinda nodding along. "You don''t see blonde hair and keep your eyes pointed below the neck out of habit."


    I frowned at him. "I don''t see you guys sucking up to the Barbie Brigade either. Kinda the opposite, in fact."


    "Yeah, I know, but for the Yards, I''m rich, and the guy who tutored Angel, Saffron, and I drilled most of that out of us. We''ve got a chance to compete on a level playing field. Levelish, anyway. And kowtowing would screw that up, so we don''t, but it''s an effort. But you? It''s like you never even had it drilled into you."


    I sat there for a minute, trying to think of how much I could say without giving away stuff I really didn''t want out in the open. I sure as shit knew some of what they were talking about. The impulses were different, but you didn''t grow up in Camden without knowing that if you saw a cop, you ran, if you saw light skin, you played dumb as fuck. If you saw a gun, you dove for cover or did whatever the fuck they told you to do. Eventually I said, "I guess things weren''t quite the same where I''m from, but I get what you''re saying. Different dance floor, same fuckin'' dance. But," here I paused, reviewing my words to make extra sure I wasn''t going to screw this up. "Then the absolute worst case scenario hit, shit went down, and if I wasn''t the luckiest bitch in four cities I would have been feeding the Kraken. I got hurt. Bad. I pretty much thought I was dead. Instead, I wound up here, and here and now I''ve got a chance to be somebody. To make a difference. Maybe even a little bit of a chance to change the world for the better, so our kids, or maybe their kids? Won''t have to wade through the same rivers of shit we did growing up."


    By the end, they were all nodding along; we had a whole thing. Bill finally said, "yeah. Yeah, I think I get it. It''s the whole ''shrimp for breakfast'' thing." At my look he explained, "eat shrimp for breakfast, and nothing worse is gonna happen to you that day."


    I snorted, "back where I''m from, they say ''frog'' rather than ''shrimp'', but I get you. But what''s the deal with shrimp, though?"


    Angel shook her head and said, "sometimes I''ve kinda wanted to ask you where you''re from, because if it gave you that kind of confidence, I kinda wanted to give it a try living there. But now? I want to know just to make sure I don''t wind up there."


    I snorted. "Yeah, I''ve been told the trip isn''t easy to make, and you absolutely aren''t gonna get there by accident. But still, any of you want to clue me in about the shrimp?"


    Angel laughed and said, "can''t believe you haven''t figured this out yet, but in the Yards? You probably eat fish more than you want, because it''s cheap as shit and ain''t nobody got Drivers'' money every day. No offense."


    Bill just nodded and said, "none taken."


    Angel continued, "fish isn''t half bad if you fry it, don''t think about it too much, and can ignore the flavor. But shrimp? The only people who eat shrimp are the ones who are so poor they can''t afford fish."


    Raven, her voice quiet as always, said, "I heard Selkies like them."


    Angel snorted. "I heard Mermaids and Sirens like them too, but Selkies eat their fish raw half the time, and Mermaids and Sirens eat it raw all of the time. No shade intended, when you live underwater you can''t exactly build a cookfire. But anybody eating raw fish can''t have anything like a refined palate, you know?"


    I decided right then that I was gonna talk with Marie about the shrimp, and that I wasn''t going to talk to the ROTCs about sushi until I could get my hands on a legit sushi chef, if such a thing even existed in the here and now.


    After dinner I went back to the cell to find Marie and Isnomi playing pounce. I interrupted by, once I''d stripped off my pumpkin spice reeking uniform, Mimicking Saffron and holding my arms out to Isnomi. She jumped on the chance for extra noms and cuddles, and I spent the time talking with Marie about what she knew and I remembered of shrimp recipes. That eventually segued into us talking about fish and fish recipes. By the time Saffron got home, Marie had an unusual speculative look on her face. She helped Saffron out of the dress of Glowing Midnight, especially the boots, which unlike the rest of the dress weren''t designed for ease of access. Then, after tucking all three of us into bed, she shut off the light and headed for the door.


    "Where you going, Marie?"


    A smile in her voice, she said, "Work."


    I frowned, but for once she actually sounded like she looked forward to it. "Will you be back tonight?"


    She stepped back, kissed Isnomi on the forehead, then kissed Saffron and I on the lips before standing back up and saying, "Maybe."


    "Love you, Marie." The other two echoed me, and I felt more than heard Marie''s purr.


    Right before she closed the door, she paused and said, "Love. You. Too."


    That left the rest of us boggled until we drifted off to sleep.


    No chibi-Saffron-hibachi for your girl. I''m guessing the restaurant closes at midnight or some shit. Other than that, just vibed under the stars, and woke when false dawn lit the sky. Saffron was half dressed in Glowing Midnight, Isnomi had her pants on and was trying to tie her shirt, and Marie lay on her floor-bed snoring lightly. I pushed myself out of bed quietly, helped Isnomi until Saffron finished dressing, then stood and made sure she was thoroughly kissed before she left to head up the Council for the day. Once I got my own clothes on, Isnomi and I headed for breakfast, and I realized that everything we''d done had been in more or less complete silence. Not some kind of silence Spell bullshit, but nobody said a word, as we all tried to keep our movements quiet to let Marie sleep.


    I felt some kinda way about that. Nothing bad, but maybe a little melancholy? Like the ''new'' had worn off of things, maybe? Although I realized at that point that ''newness worn off'' was, itself, a new thing.


    If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.


    After breakfast I''d intended to head up to the Practice Yard, but duBois stopped by the ROTC table on his way out. "Come see me when you''re done eating."


    "Yes, Sir!" I said after swallowing a mouthful of leftover. "Ye, Sah!" parroted Isnomi.


    He didn''t say anything about that, so I brought her with me. Can''t hurt for her to get more exposure to the Academy, since it seems more and more likely she''ll wind up going here someday herself. When I walked in, duBois waved me to a seat. I sat, and Isnomi climbed up into my lap and sat as well. Somehow, miraculously, neither of us fidgeted. I know I only managed it because I was trying to be a Good Example for my daughter, and I think she was trying to outlast me or something.


    At any rate, we sat there waiting while duBois did paperwork until he finished the last of it. Then he turned around, paused a moment, then held his hands out for Isnomi. She half turned to me, and at my nod scrambled up and jumped into his hands. Dude would make a great grandpa, really; he caught her, juggled her a little like he didn''t make the catch as giggles squeaked out of her, then spun her around to face me and set her on his knee before meeting my gaze.


    "I''m not going to dress you down, because you normally wouldn''t be commanding an expedition until you were at least a Senior Cadet, and by then you''d have had at least the one required course on Command. But..." He paused.


    I sighed and said, "but I fucked up."


    He shot me a lopsided grin. "Yeah. Do you know how?"


    I thought about it for a second. "Something about sending Bill to you?"


    He nodded, and Isnomi copied him, her arms folded and her face solemn. "Do you know why?"


    Again I thought about it, but shook my head. "No, Sir. I was trying to delegate, because I remember something from tutoring about not doing everything yourself, and I''m still not where I''d like to be physically before leaving."


    He blew out a breath before saying, "normally I''d say that the expedition commander shouldn''t be doing that much physical work, or they''re soldiering, not commanding, but not only are you likely to need your particular brand of chaos if Calverton is responsible for Lancaster House going silent, but you''re also recovering from some injuries."


    "Not gonna mention how you were out scouting with the only other Hero in the expedition?"


    He shot me a sharp look, but being right gave me the stones to ignore it. "Loki been teaching you some Divination, I take it?"


    "He has." I wasn''t about to volunteer that I''d gotten that particular knowledge without scrying. Achievement: Perfect Lie, Acquired!


    Indeed. Well done, Tabitha Diaz.


    Marshall duBois grimaced, then smiled and said, "do as I say, not as I do. Still, that''s not really what I called you up here for." He waited, but I knew this trick, and he''d made a mistake taking Isnomi. I could wait as long as I needed to, but after copying his expectant stare for like thirty seconds, she got bored, turned around, and started fixing his collar. "You''d normally learn this early on in your Command class, but as noted, you haven''t had that class yet. Simple thing about delegation: delegate as much as you can, but never delegate conversations with someone further up the Chain of Command."


    I winced. "Oops."


    He smiled. "Like I said, I''m not going to give you shit about something you hadn''t been taught. But..."


    I nodded. "Now I have been taught. So, who can I take?"


    "How about you tell me what you need?"


    I nodded again. He was the very tippy top of my chain of command, after all, so I guess he decided how the conversation went. After a quick bit of math in my head, I said, "nine Cadets other than myself, and thirty Volunteer units, preferably ones heavy on Veterans."


    When I paused, he said, "why thirty?"


    "Heroes and Cadets have been trained, if need be, to go twenty four seven until we drop. Not so much with Volunteers, so if we''re gonna be doing shit where we need a unit for each of us, we need to bring three per Cadet."


    He chewed on that for a bit, his eyes flickering on the wall behind me as he did some mental math. "You can have twenty. Normally ten Cadets would warrant fifteen, but I see your point. You''ll have to lower the down-time ratio, but you''ll have enough to give them some down time. Why the frown?"


    I started as I realized I was frowning. I hadn''t intended to, but I replied, "I wanted to have some spares in case we pick up any Heroes around Lancaster House."


    He smiled at me. "Good thinking, but Lancaster left plenty of units behind; some of them should suffice for any Heroes you grab along the way."


    I shook my head. "They won''t be Cured, though."


    "Nothing we can do about that, Diaz. As for your units, you''ve got your pick of whatever''s available. Have Driver bring me a list when you''ve chosen your twenty. I take it you''ve got nine Cadets in mind?"


    "Driver, Mac Conno, Raven Aetos, uh... Fred and Bonnie from the ROTC table. Carruthers, Rosen, Rider, and of course Lancaster."


    He might have mouthed ''raven?'' as I listed out the others, but when I finished my list he said, "you''re not worried about taking Lancaster''s two lackeys with you?"


    I shook my head. "No, Sir. Or, rather, I''m more worried that Lancaster House will see him as a puppet if everyone else is obviously a friend of mine."


    Echoing the question I''d been asked earlier, he said, "he won''t be?"


    I nodded decisively and replied, "if I have to, sir, I will ram my hand up his ass and work his mouth like a ventriloquist''s dummy, but honestly? I think he and I have come to a working understanding. Also, he owes me for the whole ''saved his life'' thing, which I will emphasize if I need to."


    He smiled at me. "Have Driver bring me the list of Cadets as well, just so the paperwork''s filed properly, but they''re all approved."


    "What about supplies and gear, Sir?"


    He nodded, "get me those two lists by Dinner tomorrow. As for supplies and gear, you''re approved for whatever we''ve got that the Expedition can carry. Again, just make sure you get me a list of everything you''re taking before you go."


    "Thank you sir." Sudden inspiration grabbed me. "What about vehicles, sir?"


    He frowned, "normally we don''t take carts along with Volunteer units; if they can''t carry it on their back, they can''t carry it if the cart breaks."


    "I was thinking boats, sir."


    He paused a moment, then shook his head. "Getting yourself a head start up the Schuylkill isn''t a terrible idea, but right now every boat we''ve got is either ferrying people toward New Amsterdam or bringing in fish to keep working bellies full. Denied."


    I bit back a sigh and said, "understood, sir. Will that be all?"


    He looked at me for a second, handed me Isnomi, then posed with his face half turned away, the fingertips of one hand spread across his brow. Then, in such a spot-on imitation of Lancaster I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing, he said, "that will be all. Do try not to fuck it up this time."


    "Understood, sir! No fucking in an upward direction will be tolerated. All fucking will be downward or side-to-side, Sir!"


    I vacated his office while he was still laughing, then met Lancaster in the yard. He had one of the shitty metal practice swords, just about one-handed longsword length for him, and he was going through basic sword moves when I arrived. He shot Isnomi a bit of a disapproving look, but when he didn''t say anything I let it slide. Baby steps. I shook my head and nodded at his sword. "You really ought to be using a two-hander."


    He frowned. "Too slow by half. Those are for the unskilled to bash through spears and parries."


    "Okay, point, but what about a bastard sword. Hand and a half. Katana. Whatever you''d call it. Only a little bit heavier blade, but a shit ton more leverage from the extended grip."


    He frowned at me. "In most cases that would leave me without a free hand to Shape Mana."


    I sighed, set Isnomi down and gave her a bit of a scoot off toward where some Cadets had the obstacle course set up, then without warning jumped toward Lancaster, a Mana Blade coming down toward his face in a full overhead swing. Credit where it''s due, he got his sword up to parry, and even slid sideways enough that the molten metal where the Mana Blade went right through his sword hit his jacket rather than his face. I froze with the Mana Blade hovering next to his ear, meeting his gaze and trying to ignore the growing welt where the blade of his sword had bonked his forehead before heading for the ground.


    I dispersed my Mana Blade, taking half a step back as I did. "You''re a swordsman, Larry. Way fuckin'' better than me. Even if you weren''t, you''re so much better with a sword, and it''s so much more natural for you, that you''re not gonna be casting in combat. Or if you do, it''s either not a real dangerous combat, you''re not the one in the front line, or you''ve fucked up, because you are straight up deadly with a sword as long as you keep your head out of your ass."


    He didn''t reply as he brushed the ash and solidified metal off of his shoulder, exposing a few rings worked into the lining of his jacket, then leaned over and scooped up the metal and his blade, hissing a little as he picked it up. He sighed. "I find it maddening that someone as dim as you continues to be right so often when you disagree with me."


    I smiled at him to take the sting out of my words as I waved him toward one of the equipment sheds. "Yeah, that just means we''re both equally moronic. Have some faith, though; I managed to get promoted to the lofty rank of Cadet despite my mental handicaps, and I''m sure with your father and brother pulling the right strings, you''ll make it there as well someday."


    He rolled his eyes as he walked along behind me. "You realize that everyone assuming my father''s influence is why I''m here accounts for a great deal of my frustration?"


    I glanced back to check on Isnomi. I figured Saffron might kick my ass for letting her play by herself on the obstacle course, but I also knew my kid; if I told her to run laps or do something else boring with the obstacle course right there, she''s wind up sneaking over to it. This way instead of hiding she straight up showed off, trying to get my attention, which made it a lot easier to keep an eye on her. At the moment she''d twigged to the fact that whoever set up the obstacle course had set up the climbing net and the rope wall, and she was scampering up one of them, then doing a flying-squirrel leap to the bottom of the other, then repeating the process the other way in a kind of endless vertical figure eight.


    Without looking at Lancaster I said, "isn''t it, though?"


    He sighed. "That would account for most of the remainder of my frustration." He sorted through the shitty metal practice blades until he found one the right length of blade and hilt to stand in for a hand-and-a-half sword for him. I picked out a pair of long dagger length hunks of pot metal, then sighed, put them back, and picked out a ''sword'' of my own. He frowned. "Why are you intent on learning swordplay? Twin short blades really do seem more your style."


    I smiled at him. "Yeah, but learning the sword from you? Lets me predict how swordsmen react. If I know that, I can fuck with them more when I''m doing my thing."


    We spent the rest of the morning and all afternoon alternating between sparring with blades until Lancaster flagged, then watching Isnomi do daredevil stunts on the obstacle course. If the other Cadets had any complaints, I guess my new rarified rank got them to keep them to themselves, because other than griping quietly when they had to deal not just with the regular obstacle, but with a moving obstacle that used them as springboards more often than not? They didn''t say a word.


    Dinner was awesome. Not only had Saffron finished up her Council work early enough to join us? Tonight''s dinner was an absolute all-you-can-eat shrimp festival, with just about every damn style Bubba mentioned to Forrest represented. Not only that, but Marie''s Cookery Conjuring managed to absolutely nail all of it so well that the rest of the ROTC table sat with me to share the mostly leftover shrimp that had been delivered to the other tables along with their shoe leather and salt licks.


    ''Shrimp is for poor people'' my lily white lack-of-an-ass.

 Day One Hundred And Eighty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    I always knew Mondays sucked. My new life seemed like that had changed, especially with Loki turning out so chill. I guess Murphy noticed when I cockslapped his dog or some shit.


    So last night Grandma swung past after Bath Time and picked up Isnomi for a sleepover. Hijinks ensued. Marie may never be the same.


    Who am I kidding? Four odd centuries of Maiding aside, she''s probably forgotten more than Saffron and I will ever know. She still seemed a little surprised with the two of us pouncing on her though.


    We got to sleep later than normal, but definitely slept well after all the exercise. More dreams of chilling by the lakeside, although for the second night running no chibi hibachi chef Saffron. Maybe I need to try afternoon naps more often. Woke up to Grandma pounding on the door. Well, not really ''pounding'', more ''knocking forcefully'' before opening it and walking in. I guess that even no-chill Grandma had both things she''d rather not walk in on and an upper limit for menace shenanigans. After ascertaining that all three of us were more or less awake and aware, she dropped a baggy-eyed Isnomi on the bed and left, probably headed to get some sleep herself.


    I crawled out of bed, pushed myself up the wall and snagged boots for myself and Saffron before collapsing face forward onto the bed again. "More sleep."


    Saffron wriggled around until we lay face to stomach. "More to do."


    "Please?"


    She shook her head, which did interesting things to my belly, but said, "Council. Cures. Loki."


    "Fuck."


    She smiled and made content Saffron noises. "Did that."


    "More?"


    She nipped at me, then pushed herself upright. "Could you help me on with my boots, dear?" I rolled around until I knelt before her and, with many groans of complaint attempting to hide my far too blatant admiration of her general upper thigh region, managed to get her stockings on. Of course that''s when the menace managed to crawl across Saffron''s lap looking for additional noms. Saffron said, "Marie, could you be a dear and take care of Isnomi today?"


    I shook my head as I lined up Saffron''s foot with her boot. "I was gonna take her to see Sigyn today."


    All three of us looked at Isnomi, who paused a moment, her itty bitty brain obviously overwhelmed choosing between nursing, carting, and Sigyn. As I imagined steam coming out of her ears, I gave in and said, "Marie, could you bring her to me after breakfast?"


    She nodded and said, "Yes."


    I looked at Isnomi and said, "you''ve got until Marie finishes dressing, or I get Mom''s boots on, whichever comes first."


    I swear her eyes got twice as big, and the only reason she didn''t cheer was that she couldn''t with a mouthful of Mom nomming. Marie managed to finish dressing just before I got Saffron''s other boot settled in place. I might not have been as quick as I could have been, because while I want to avoid being a villain? I know my weaknesses, and one of them is definitely Saffron''s thighs. Just gotta hope nobody with vested interest in me being a Bad Guy figures out how to use that, I guess.


    Marie held out her arms, and Saffron dislodged Isnomi, gave her a quick kiss on the forehead, and said, "okay, my girl, off you go." Marie leaned over for a quick kiss from Saffron, then plonked Isnomi on her cart and left for a few hours of doing Marie things. I stood up, then sat my butt down on the World''s Least Comfortable Chair. I might have been pouting a little. I definitely crossed my arms over my chest. Saffron grabbed my boots and asked, "did you want me to help you put these on?"


    I grumped out, "yeah, okay." At that point I realized I was being slightly less mature than the menace, and worse, being incredibly stupid about it. "Sorry, Kitten. Yes, please and thank you!"


    She knelt in front of me and slipped my foot into the boot, then worked it gradually up my leg. "What''s wrong?" she asked, although her hand slipped a moment later as my heel slipped into the heel of the boot. She lost her grip on the boot and her hand wound up landing right between my legs. Very distracting.


    "It''s stupid." When she raised one eyebrow and patted me just a little before moving her hand to start with the other boot, I explained, "you got kisses good bye and I didn''t."


    She smiled up at me as she worked the other boot past my knee. "That''s because they''re going to be seeing you in an hour or so. I''ll be leaving straight from here, so I won''t see them until tonight at the earliest."


    I slipped my hands down to grip the chair, because not only was it silly to keep grumping over not getting doubled up goodbye kisses, without stockings my boots were a little harder to get on and off than hers. "Yeah, that''s why I said it''s stupid."


    The Grin slipped across her face, and she said, "no, Goof. Making a fuss about it would be stupid, but wanting? That''s not stupid at all. Also, thanks for moving your hands."


    I smiled down at her. "Yeah, I really got to get some stockings, don''t I?"


    The Grin amped up as my heel slipped into the heel of the boot and her hand ''slipped'' again. "I was referring to how much it improved the view."


    Yeah, I might have been a little late to breakfast. Fuck it, Worth. Also, that fucking chair might have left bruises, but it didn''t so much as creak at our combined weight. Credit where it''s due.


    The ROTC crew shot me a few appreciative stares as I walked in wearing The Dress. As I sat down Angel said, "I can''t believe Saffron let you out of the room looking like that."


    "I''ll have you know this is clerical garb. Holy. Righteous, even."


    She snorted and threw a loaf of bread at me. "Yeah, not what I meant and you know it."


    I stuck my lower lip out, imitating a pout I couldn''t quite get behind. "She''s got work with the council today."


    For all her continued amusement, Angel still wound up sounding sympathetic when she said, "aw, that really sucks. But if anybody could walk away from you wearing that, it''s Saffron."


    At that point Bill chimed in, saying, "Wait, doesn''t she have Devotional duties today?"


    I let a grin stretch slowly across my face, because I sure as fuck wasn''t able to stop it. "Oh, she''s definitely taken care of those."


    I swear Angel coughed so hard eggs came out her nose. Bill just let out a low whistle and said, "really? Her Goddess counts romping with you as Devotional duties?"


    "What can I say?" I shrugged. "Must be the results of me leading such a virtuous life." That got me pelted with an absolute volley of loaves from around the table. Okay, Bonnie threw the heel of a loaf kinda halfheartedly before leaning her chin on one hand, sighing as she halfheartedly scooped up another spoonful of eggs. I caught her eye and said, "what''s wrong?"


    She smiled bittersweetly and said, "nothing, really. Just kinda torn between being happy for you two and maybe just a little envious."


    I snorted. "Not like you''re an old maid, Bonnie. You''ll find somebody."


    She shook her head, but cut off what she''d intended to say, her mouth working a little before she settled on, "not with constantly being on one life and death mission or another."


    "You never know. You might just find somebody where you least expect it!"


    She smiled that melancholy smile again and said, "no. No, I really don''t think so. But thanks." She giggled at that point. "At least you''re open enough I can get some vicarious romantic thrills regularly."


    I struck a pose, the back of my hand against my forehead, and decried, "alas, my private life has been reduced to pornography for the other Cadets!"


    That got a laugh out of her. She scrounged up another loaf of bread just to throw it at me. "I said romance, you, you, you... reprobate!"


    I shot her my best confused look and said, "yeah, wasn''t that what I was talking about?" She laughed and rolled her eyes, and I turned to Bill. "Hey, Bill. I need you to fill out the paperwork for the Cadets and Volunteer Units we''ll be taking with us out to Lancaster House and get them to Marshall duBois before the end of the day."


    At his raised eyebrow I plucked at the shoulder strap of The Dress and said, "Saffron''s may be done, but I still have Devotional Duties today."


    "What about mine?" His question might have been serious, if he hadn''t nearly been laughing when he said it, stuffing another big hunk of bread in his mouth.


    "Are you really gonna spend the whole day fasting and praying today?"


    He shook his head, "nah. You''re right. Who have we got?"


    "Everybody at this table, plus Carruthers, Rider, Rosen, and Larry Lancaster. For Units, we''ve got our pick of up to twenty; get as many veteran heavy ones as you can." He nodded, then turned to his plate with the look of somebody intending to clear it as quickly as possible. I looked around the table. "Raven, Fred, Bonnie, can you three give him a hand? He does have to do his Devotional stuff after all."


    All three nodded, and Raven sighed, turned to Bill and said, "just tell me what I need to write where." When I shot her a quizzical look, she said, "do you really think anyone at the table right now has better handwriting than me?" When everybody else nodded in agreement, I nodded agreement and turned back to shoveling in my own caloric intake for the day. I doubt Loki would ever deliberately starve me, but sometimes we both lose track of time.


    This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it


    Speaking of time, when shall I expect you?


    As soon as I''m done breakfast, the menace and I will be there, Boss.


    He sounded oddly discomfited when he replied, I look forward to it.


    After breakfast and leftover cleanup duty, Marie delivered Isnomi, the menace and I collected goodbye hugs and kisses from our Maenad Maid, and I stepped over to Loki''s. The moment Isnomi saw Sigyn, she crowed out, "SIGGY!" and did a flying squirrel leap straight over to her. She reminded me more than a little of fuzzy memories I had of my own grandmother before she passed. Not really surprising, since Sigyn absolutely radiated Big Grandma Energy whenever Isnomi was in the room. With Sigyn carrying Isnomi off to play with Mister Slither, I walked over to where Loki sat at the end of his bed, his chair set up under his butt, one elbow on the table from Yule. He waved me to my own chair, which sat just to his right.


    I hopped up into my chair and said, "hey, Boss. What can I do for you today?" He smiled, glanced at the trio being loudly goofy at the other end of the cave, and then looked back to me. His melancholy reminded me a little of Bonita earlier. "Something troubling you, Boss? Just point me at it and I''ll make it go away."


    That got a little more of a real smile from him. He sighed and said, "I''ve little for you to do today, but there are a few things I might do for you. I am, after all, your mentor as well as your Deity, am I not?"


    I shrugged. "Sure. I can''t think of anything I''m needing at the moment, though."


    "You''ve been aching when you use Mana, especially when you Translocate or Co-Locate, have you not?"


    I thought about my step here, and replied, "Co-Locating''s worse than Translocating. And I''ve gotten that back to the point where I really didn''t notice much of a twinge getting myself and Menace here today."


    He sighed and said, "and yet, you did still notice a ''twinge''."


    I shrugged. "Yeah. I overdid it. I''m still healing. I''ve just got to take it easy for a while."


    He shook his head. "I''m afraid it might be slightly more serious than that. Are you familiar with the mortal idea of ''throwing your back out''?"


    "Yeah?"


    "So, are you aware that one of the major problems with that injury is that the unnatural positions you put yourself in can cause further damage, including self-perpetuating damage?"


    I thumped my head down on my arms. "Shit."


    His huge, cool hand came down across my back, covering both my shoulders. "It''s not insurmountable. Part of what I hope to accomplish today is setting you on the path to true healing of those injuries you''ve taken. In addition, there are a few pieces of information regarding your Divine status which you may find useful, perhaps even critical at some point in the future."


    I looked up at him through the curtain of my hair. "Tell me I''m not dying or some other bullshit like that?"


    He smiled down at me, his chilled hand massaging my back in a way that somehow combined zero sex with fantastically soothing sensuality. Weird. "We are all, Gods included, born dying, are we not? The biggest difference given to those of us touched with Divinity?" He paused until I pushed myself just a little more upright, then leaned down to stage whisper, "we can do something about it." When I smiled, he sat back upright and continued. "Now, before I do anything, I''ll need to see what we''re working with. I''ll need you to drop your Blend, as well as Translocating and Co-Locating a few times while I observe."


    I pushed myself upright, and might have had more than a little whine in my voice when I said, "can''t you just, y''know, God it back right?"


    He worked his mouth a moment before smiling and saying, "I could, but if I ''God it back right''? It wouldn''t be right. It would be another layer of compensation on top of your existing injuries. A crutch, rather than a poultice." He shook his head. "If we had but moments? I could and most certainly would, if that were the only way for you to survive. But at the moment, we are not quite that pressed for time, so we will be doing this by far more mundane methods."


    I snickered a little at that. "Fixing my soul by mundane methods? I dunno, Boss. Sounds a little sus to me."


    He responded to my snicker with a snort of his own. "Well, what would you call observing you unclad in anything disruptive, then using my vast ill-gotten knowledge to apply simple pressures to your form which will then allow you to heal correctly?"


    "Ill gotten knowledge? Isn''t that Odin''s whole gig?"


    He shook his head, adopting a spot on ''holier than thou'' expression. "Oh, no. The All-father sacrificed his eye and a lifetime to gain the wisdom he possesses. Me?" He grinned and laid one finger alongside his nose. "I stole it all."


    I laughed, kind of as he intended me to, I think, then dropped my Blend. I was sitting opposite where I''d sat on Yule, and instead of stretching out behind me, a shadow stretched out in front of me, leaving me looking at a chunk of the room in wireframe-vision. The weirdest thing was seeing my own fuzzy nose in wireframe, yet still seeing the trio at the far end of the cave playing in full color. Once I was sure my Blend was completely down, I looked at him, again seeing him in full color, and said, "okay, Boss. what do I do now?"


    "Move the chairs back against the walls, please?" I did so, carrying them all out of the way one at a time. The whole ''everybody''s chair is unique and made for them'' is really cool, and handy when it comes to everybody being able to eat at the same table at the same time, but it meant carrying two at a time was a pain in the ass, and carrying more than two was right out. While I carried the last one, Isnomi''s high chair, to the side, he lifted the table like it was made out of Styrofoam and turned it so the long side faced him, then set it as far out as he could easily reach. "Up on the table with you."


    I braced one hand on the table and jumped up onto it. As I straightened I realized what he was talking about with the whole ''moving oddly to compensate for injury'' thing. I had to talk with somebody, maybe Sister Siobhan, maybe Doctor DeLeon, about my normal physical injuries, because a few things just felt not quite right. When I stood centered on the table, he waved me down to the end furthest from where my shadow entered the room. When I got there he said, "now, as slowly as you can, Translocate to the far end of the table."


    I shrugged. "Okay." I''d never tried Translocating ''slowly'' before. Seemed kind of counter to the whole purpose of the thing. But I moved like I was trying to walk across a creaky floor without making too much noise, slowly shifting my weight from my back foot to my front. I felt myself shifting, actually saw my foot arrive at the other end of the table in wireframe milliseconds before my whole viewpoint shifted. That hurt, a combination of the ache of exercising an unused muscle and the slight spike of injury. "How''s that?"


    He sucked in two huge lungfuls of air, then blew them out in an equally huge sigh. "Well, I wasn''t wrong. Either about you doing yourself further mischief or, fortunately, about it being correctible. That said? You may wish to let your lovely wife know she may have to join us here when she finishes her work."


    I winced. "That bad?"


    He nodded, but smiled softly. "Worry not, Tabitha Diaz. Not only are you my chosen High Priestess, my chosen Champion, but you..." here he stumbled to a stop. His normal understated self control slipped, and his smile twisted. Not out of any kind of rancor, but out of some deep pain. "You have claimed me and mine as family. Not out of desire to have me in your debt, or to pay some debt to me, but..." He stumbled to a stop again, and I saw the kind of light burning in his eyes that I usually noticed in folks who weren''t too tightly wrapped. Then, before he spoke again, I realized something that shocked me as much as he seemed to be. He wasn''t unhinged; he was if anything completely grounded, entirely focused on a single fact that mattered more than everything else in the fuckin'' universe right here and now. "You called me kin, because to you, we are. It ill befits a hearth god to not respond in kind." His smile grew until it utterly eclipsed his normal slyness. "Especially when I feel the same way, Tabitha Diaz. Tabitha Lokisdotter."


    Ah, shit. I couldn''t leave my man hanging after that. I stepped over to his lap, one foot on either of his thighs, and wrapped my arms around him, my head against his chest. Okay, I wrapped my arms as far around him as I could. Man''s still a fuckin'' giant, after all. So I knew exactly how gentle he had to be when he wrapped his arms around me in turn, laying a cool cheek against the top of my head.


    Time is weird in Loki''s place. We stayed like that forever in just a few moments. Eventually he pulled back, hands on my shoulders, and said, "thank you, Tabitha Diaz. Now, shall we get back to your rehabilitation?"


    "You got it, Boss." I stepped back to the table, all the twinges grumbling now that I knew what to pay attention to. "Wait, shouldn''t that be Dad?" He opened his mouth, but thought better of it. Couldn''t leave it like that. "Wait, no, Father? Shit, that makes me sound like a Dickens character, and I''m way too street to not wind up dead in a Dickens novel. Poppa? Ugh. Even worse. Ooh, what about," I did my best slinky pose and purred out, "Daddy"?"


    From the other end of the cave, Sigyn laughed and called out, "if my husband is your father, I am your mother, and I am not averse to spanking you if you misbehave!"


    I switched my pose to her and purred out, "Ooh! Mommy Kinky." When she chuckled, I put my palms on my cheeks and uwu''d out, "Step-Mommy! What are you doing, Step-Mommy?" That got her. She doubled over laughing, eventually just flopping onto the floor as Slither and Menace used her like a less-than-stable jungle gym.


    "Enough, scamp. I did not lie about how long we are likely to spend putting you on the path to becoming... whole once more, Tabitha Diaz."


    I did not fail to notice his hesitation. I turned to him, setting aside my eGirl act for the moment. "Speaking of names, don''t you mean ''Mimic''?"


    He sighed, shook his head, and laced his fingers together. "No. No I do not."


    I took a quick glance at my Status. "Still says so on my Status sheet. If I''m not Mimic, who the fuck am I?"


    He shook his head, then said, "I''d hoped to teach you more, perhaps ease you into this more gently, but it appears you are too quick for me to deter forever." He looked up to gaze into my eyes. "Do you trust me, Tabitha Diaz?"


    I paused just long enough to let him know I''d taken his question seriously. "Absolutely."


    "More than you trust your wife?"


    I held up my hands. "Hey, hey, hey, let''s not get crazy now."


    He smiled, "as it should be. But more than anyone else?"


    I thought about it. "Maybe Marie. But yeah. Pretty much."


    "Would you entrust your soul to either of them?"


    "In a heartbeat."


    He paused for no longer than that. "To me?"


    I took a deep breath. "That''s what I use to shape Mana, right? You''re going to need to fuck around with that to fix me, yeah? So yeah, I guess I do, since I didn''t even put up a token fight about you doing just that."


    What the fuck was it with melancholy smiles today? He spoke quietly, far too quiet to carry to the far end of the cavern. "You, Tabitha Diaz, are of Mimic. Part of... her, I suppose I should say, since you are the only part which has claimed a gender. You are quite obviously the avatar she has chosen to see her will worked on the world. But," he held up one index finger, then pointed to the tip with the other one. "Is this me?"


    "I mean, yes and nooooh shit, I think I get it." I looked straight down the shadow connecting me to the wall. "Wow. That''s some deep, heavy shit to take in, Boss." I turned back to him. "Do you mind Boss? It... just kinda seems right."


    "As honored as I am to have you as a daughter, yes, ''Boss'' does seem more natural now that you mention it."


    "Thanks, Boss. You''re the best."


    His mischievous smile returned. "I know."


    I paused in thought for a bit, then asked, "so, I''m just a puppet or something?"


    He shook his head, "no. Far from it, really. I''ve read some of the works of your world regarding theories of thought, of consciousness. To her, you are an appendage. A finger, a limb, a way to work her will in the world. To you, she might be closest to your subconscious. That part of yourself that you are never truly disconnected from, but rarely fully connected to."


    A sudden realization struck. "What about dreams?"


    He nodded. "Dreams are often thought of as a connection between the subconscious and conscious minds. Not to mention being a connection to one''s higher self, if such a thing exists. Which, in your case, it most certainly does."


    I snorted. "higher self. High as fuckin'' balls self, you mean."


    He just raised an eyebrow. "Explain?"


    I shrugged. "For, like, months now every night I dream about just chilling by a lakeside. All chill, no fucks given. Vaguely curious about the stars, absolutely nomming shrimp treats Saffron throws me without thinking about it, like a stoner do."


    He sighed, but it sounded more like relief than melancholy this time. "So, no sense of direction? No connection to a vast consciousness giving you Mar..." here his eyes went wide and he snorted, barely holding back laughter.


    "What?"


    He held up a hand for patience until he got his laughter under control enough to speak. "Sorry. Just thinking about the absolute futility, even for the eldest of Primordials, in trying to give you, of all people, Marching Orders."

 Day One Hundred And Eighty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    Weird how even outside of Loki''s cave, time seems to fly sometimes and drag on at others. You''d think a minute is a minute, but sometimes it''s a minute instead, and it takes a minute to tell the difference.


    Yeah, I''ve spent how long talking and you still expect me to make sense?


    So after laughing his ass off at how incompatible with the idea of authority I am, Loki was as good as his word, and we alternated between me doing slow Translocates or simple Co-Locations and him calling me over, laying his hands around me, and pushing. I still can''t see it for shit, but I felt when he pushed Mana onto me; not into me, not really, but holding it right up against my surface and using it to massage my own Mana back into however it was supposed to be.


    Important note regarding that; if deep tissue massage while trying to recover from an injury is bad? Deep Mana massage while trying to recover from a soul injury is worse. So. Much. Worse.


    Thankfully, whatever subconscious part of me would lash out at him for hurting me trusts him, knows that he''s doing it for my own good. Or maybe that somehow I deserve it. Which, now that I think about it, would probably have gotten me another thwap to the back of the head, so I''m glad I didn''t say it out loud.


    Before I realized it, Saffron showed up. I heard her before I saw her, when she called out, "I assume this is some kind of training?"


    My head spun around to track on her, my current position and the weird partial wireframe world giving me a little vertigo before I focused on her. Loki had my ankles between the fingers of his right hand, and his left wrapped around my waist. Up until a moment before, he''d been stretching me out, and when I whipped my head around, something in my back went ''pop'', which preceded a wave of visual static and another horrendous bout of vertigo. "In the sense that an athlete''s ''trainer'' is often their physical therapist, yes," Loki replied while my head still spun. "Of course, it would help if she held still when I tell her to, but I suppose I shouldn''t expect miracles."


    I couldn''t help it, the sheer incongruity of his statement when we had at least three Deities in the room, four if I counted, which I''m now not sure if I do or not, just struck me as ludicrous. It started as a giggle, then devolved into snorting, and finally, as he lay me gently on the table, I curled up and laughed my scantily clad and insufficiently padded ass off. Saffron walked over as I did, laying a hand gently on my shoulder while she waited for the laughter to die down. "How is she?" she asked, obviously talking to Loki.


    "She wasn''t as good as I''d hoped, but far better than I''d feared. Also, she seems to be responding well to treatment, so overall the prognosis is good."


    "Give it to me straight, doc. Will I ever play the violin again?"


    Loki just shot me a ''Really, Diaz?'' look. "That joke was old when I wasn''t."


    I put on my best confused, shocked face. "They had violins then?"


    Saffron laughed at that, and eventually Loki joined in. "Touch¨¦."


    Loki gave me one more once over, finishing with a twist of my head between his Mana-infused palms that made something go pop loud enough for Isnomi to squeak out a concerned, "Mama?"


    Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    I stumbled a little, because whatever he''d done left me staring down a long, staticky corridor and loose enough to stumble a bit. I grabbed at something, anything, and my hand found something warm and soft. Saffron chuckled and said, "really, dear? Right in front of the little one?" before slipping my arm over her shoulder. "Is she okay to go home?"


    Loki nodded and said, "she might feel a little under the weather tomorrow. It''s completely natural, although if it doesn''t improve by Freyday she should... could you bring her to me if she''s not improving by Freyday?"


    Saffron replied with a simple, "of course, Lord," then turned and hollered at Isnomi, "tell Sigyn and Mister Slither good night, it''s time to head home, my girl."


    She came with surprisingly little pushback. None, really, unless you counted extended good bye hugs from Sigyn and the snake to be ''pushback'', which I for one didn''t. Once she had one arm holding Isnomi and the other around my shoulders to hold me up, she nodded to Sigyn and Loki, said, "farewell," and stepped us back home.


    To be honest? I''m kinda glad the menace came home with us. I''d hate to think we passed up an opportunity because I was too beat to do anything. Saffron helped me get my boots off, which I appreciated, then helped me get The Dress off, which drove home exactly how much I''d been put through the wringer. At the same time, I didn''t have any new bruises or scars, and other than a general achiness and enormous weariness, I didn''t feel too bad. I hit the bed and was asleep before I even got to kiss the menace good night.


    In the morning, I found out why people bitch about the morning after. My everything ached. Again, no ''you''ve been stabbed in a place that doesn''t precisely exist'', but definitely achy. I groaned, forced my eyes open, and wound up with a face full of Isnomi, Saffron''s arm dangled over my shoulder, and Marie''s arm dangled over that. I tried rolling over, and my body told me on no uncertain terms that it might consider rolling over if I had some assistance and a complete lack of resistance, but under the current conditions, if I tried to roll over it would beat me unconscious with my own tits. Instead I puckered up and blew a stream of air in Isnomi''s face.


    She cracked one eye open, looking more than a little disgruntled, and said, "Mama?"


    "Good Morning, Menace. Could you maybe wake up Saffron and Marie for me?"


    She got a mischief face on and, before I could say anything to stop her, pounced straight over me. Both arms slithered off of me, and I heard thumps and squeals coming from behind me as she somehow managed to knock two grown women, one of them Siberian tiger-sized, straight off the bed onto the floor. When Marie growled, Isnomi said, "Mama!"


    That got me a concerned Marie and a sleepily concerned Saffron rolling me onto my back as I groaned. "Love?"


    "Yeah, Kitten. Nothing wants to go." I lifted a hand and waved it. "Not paralyzed, just... ow."


    "I suspected as much." She pointed one finger at me and, doing a pretty good finger-gun for somebody who''d never seen a gun, popped my civvies onto me. "Marie, when you''re dressed, could you please take her to the Infirmary?"


    Marie stopped play fighting with Isnomi to stand up and start dressing even as she said, "Yes."


    Sadly, Saffron was still feeding Isnomi by the time Marie was ready to go. On the other hand, Saffron nursed Isomi the entire time Marie was getting ready to go, so, win?"


    When I got to the Infirmary, princess carried all the way by Marie, Sister Siobhan sprang to her feet. My whole body tingled, but it felt like a good kind of tingle. "Tabitha! Are you okay?"


    I shook my head just enough to show her I could. "Not great. Spent my Devotional Day with Loki realigning my chakras or some shit. I''d sprained my Mana, so he manhandled my magic muscles back into something approaching normal. Which apparently aches like fuck the day after."


    She let out a relieved sigh. "I''ll let everyone know you''re on sick call for the day. Marie, if you could put her down?" Siobhan waved to a bed, the same one I''d woken up in on my first day here.


    Not terribly interested in that particular blast from the past, I said, "no, I can work, I just need..."


    Marie put my head on the pillow, drowsiness washed over me, and Sister Siobhan lay a hand on my forehead and finished my sentence with, "rest."

 Day One Hundred And Eighty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    People wonder why when I hear ''I''ll help, I''ll help'' I cringe just a little bit.


    So after yesterday, which I lost to Sister Siobhan forcing me back to bed after waking me for each meal, which were not only hand delivered by Marie, but hand fed to me as well, I woke up this morning in the Infirmary feeling kinda cranky. On the other hand, I woke up feeling way less ''every part of my body aches'', so I guess that''s something.


    Dreams through the day included chibi hibachi chef Saffron yeeting shrimp at me again, and night time brought a lack of said shrimp, so it looks like my guess about the hibachi closing at sundown were more or less correct.


    When I pushed myself sorta upright, Sister Siobhan hurried over. "Tabitha! You''re awake!"


    I worked my mouth to get a little spit going, because I had a fierce case of dry mouth. "Yeah. Feeling a lot better too. Thanks for that. I needed it and sure as hell wouldn''t have done it on my own."


    She nodded, and I got that faint tingle across my front before she said, "I''ve a small bit of bad news, I think."


    I sighed, spun my legs out of the bed and propped myself vaguely upright with my elbows on my knees before saying, "of course you do. Nothing''s ever easy, right?"


    She smiled ruefully and said, "someone has realigned your Mana recently, haven''t they?"


    I lifted an eyebrow, but really I should have expected her knowing it. She''s the local expert on souls, reincarnation, and medical Mana related bullshit, after all. I kept my reply to, "yep."


    "Might I ask who?"


    I shot her a lopsided grin before saying, "My Patron."


    "Oh. Oh, my. I thought perhaps you''d been exaggerating or speaking metaphorically when you came in yesterday. Well, I suppose that''s why he didn''t notice."


    My get up and go got up and went, and I flopped over backward. "Notice what?"


    She came closer, eventually sitting down on the edge of my bed. "Anyone with exceptionally strong Mana flow and retention, and Gods certainly qualify, notices problems with Mana flow or the Soul long before they recognize more mundane problems."


    With my head dangling over the edge of the bed, my eyes slid closed. "You mean I didn''t need my shit fixed?"


    Sister Siobhan tittered a little at that. "Oh, no, if your Patron did so, I assume he was correct. I wouldn''t be surprised if you needed something after that marathon Curing session of yours. No, the problem, while similar in nature and solution, is much more mundane. You appear to be in need of some skeletal realignment."


    I thought about how often I''d beat the shit out of myself, as well as how often I''d just pushed through rather than bothering to get things looked at, and sighed. "You can tell just by looking at me?"


    "Oh, no. I Assessed you just after Marie brought you in, and something looked odd, so I brought Doctor DeLeon over to look, and he confirmed it. Again, it''s nothing terribly outr¨¦, just a bit of massage and minor chiropractic work should get you right as rain, assuming you rest after."


    I sighed, then sat up and climbed to my feet. The ache from Loki''s work had diminished, but that meant I felt like moving like a forty-year-old with a hangover rather than an arthritic seventy-year-old. "Is breakfast over?"


    "Not yet. Are you certain you''re up for walking to the Dining Hall and back?"


    "And back?" I knew what she meant, but tried to weasel anyhow. "You really want to do this thing today?"


    She nodded. "You''ll want a day of rest afterward, and by the time you''ve recovered you should be recovered from your Mana realignment as well. So you should be right as rain, or nearly so, by Freyday."


    I sighed, stood there with my eyes closed for a moment, then straightened my shoulders and smiled at the Sister. "Okay, then. I''ll need to speak with the Cadets going with me about supplying our expedition, but if we plan on a Friday morning departure, I should be ready for it by then, right?"


    At her nod, I snapped her a quick, informal salute in the form of two fingers touching my brow, then strolled down to the Dining Hall. I still wore my civvies, but apparently recovering hadn''t been physically strenuous, because they didn''t stink to high heaven. Okay, there was a whiff of cinnamon spice, but that''s just me in general. When I got down to breakfast, Bill spotted me first, saying, "hey, our glorious leader has returned!"


    I laughed a little, slipped into my seat and said, "yeah, sorry about that. Apparently I''m due for my ten thousand mile servicing and nobody told me." Most of them looked a little confused at that one, but laughed at it anyway. I sure as hell enjoyed the sound of laughter way more than I had the hacking coughs and crunching snow from before my whole convalescent period started. While I waited for a fresh tray of eggs, I looked over to Bill. "Hey, did you get the paperwork to duBois in time?"


    He swallowed a bite of black bread and said, "all the personnel paperwork is in, just waiting on the equipment and supplies."


    A thought struck me, and I facepalmed so hard I almost didn''t notice the Maid sliding a tray of spicy eggs in front of me. I scooped up a big bite with a spoon, downed it, then said, "tell me most of them know how to use crossbows?"


    He looked a little chagrined himself, but said, "yeah, I''ve got no idea. I''m assuming you want crossbows for everyone then?"


    "Yeah, and I''ve got more bad news on the medical front. Sister Siobhan says she needs to do some kind of thing that will have me out most of the day tomorrow as well. I''d really like us to get moving by Friday if we can."


    Angel spoke up at that point. "Even if our units don''t know how to use crossbows, they''ve all had basic formation fighting and shield and spear handling. If we get the equipment today, we can distribute it tomorrow, walk them through the basics of crossbows, and have everyone ready to go first thing on Freyday."


    "Crossbows for everyone makes the supply situation easier too, in a couple ways." We all turned to look at Bonnie, who blushed a little but followed up with, "we only need one spear per Volunteer, and don''t have to worry about arrows, just bolts."


    I facepalmed, but made sure she could hear it when I said, "why the fuck didn''t I think of that." Shaking my head, I went on, "good catch, Bonnie. So, we''ll need armor for all the Volunteers; honestly even the ones who already had some issued could probably use a replacement by now. One shield and spear each; for us as well, just in case."


    "Lancaster''s not gonna like that."


    I turned to Fred and said, "Lancaster can shut up and soldier. I doubt any of us will wind up fighting as part of a shield wall, but it''ll also mean we''re carrying spares for the Volunteers who need them. One crossbow and twenty bolts per person, us included. One tent per two people, if we''re gonna be using those little pup tents. Three extra pairs of socks each."


    Bill cut in with, "three extra?"


    I nodded, remembering what my ROTC instructors told me back in Camden. "The worst minor injury for a soldier, from the army''s point of view, is to the feet. Hell, some of the worst major ones are too. Foot injuries mean somebody has to straight up carry you, or you fall out because you can''t keep marching. In this kinda weather, people are gonna want to double up on socks, and unless I completely miss my guess we''ll be fording at least one stream or river, plus we''ll be marching through snow and slush. I''d say more than that, except we don''t have a really great way to clean and dry them, so swapping and letting them air out or something is the best we''re gonna get."


    "Three extra pairs of socks it is. Anything else?"


    "Can anybody think of anything I forgot?" Raven snickered a little and held up a hand. "Go on, tell us."


    "Food?"


    I chuckled a little, "I hadn''t mentioned it, but I was saving that for last. Once everybody has their kit, we want them all carrying as much food as they can."


    The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    Bill asked, "won''t that be a little cumbersome? Don''t we want carts or something?"


    I shook my head. "Double check with Lancaster, since we''re heading into his back yard, but unless I''m misremembering the lesson entirely, we''re going to be doing a lot of up-and-down. Carts don''t handle snow well either. Can we get them rucksacks or duffel bags or knapsacks or something?" When they all blinked and stared at me, I facepalmed again. "Like, a tough cloth bag, maybe with a metal frame to hold its shape better, with a pair of straps you can hook your arms through to carry it on your back?"


    Fred asked, "where would you stow your shield if you needed your off hand?"


    I shrugged and replied, "right over top the backpack."


    A couple of them brightened up after that. "Oh, backpacks! Huh, I''d never seen anyone using them like that before. Wonder why?" Bill''s question seemed to voice what everyone at the table was thinking. I had a guess, but now was absolutely not the time to bring it up.


    "Dunno, but if we can get one for each person, that''ll get us at least a few days of food, right?"


    At this point Bonnie cut in with, "more, if you go with a tinker-style backpack with a metal frame and hang stuff from it, like waterskins or stuff that can travel in bags." Everybody turned to look at her, and if she blushed, she didn''t back down this time. "What? I have an uncle who''s a tinker. Learned it from my great-grandfather."


    Bill looked a little thoughtful, "haven''t most of the villages got a smithy? Hell, most of the big farmsteads have one now too."


    "Yeah, but little ones don''t, and sometimes the local smith is fine for, like, horseshoes and nails, but can''t make frying pans for shit. My uncle does some other crafts, too; every village has something where the local guy is only middling good, and my uncle fills in the gaps, like." Bonnie shrugged.


    Raven asked, "Don''t the locals take offense at that? Somebody coming in and showing them up?"


    I caught an undercurrent of something less than pleasant when Bonnie answered, "maybe, but if they make too big of a deal about it, their neighbors shut them up, because nobody wants a frying pan where the handle falls off the second time you use it."


    "Okay, then. Bonnie, can you find us enough of those backpacks for everyone in the expedition to have one?" When she worked her mouth and nothing came out, I said, "charge it to the Academy, or maybe the Army. Fred, you go with her. Take Lancaster, Rider, or Rosen along with you if you think you''re gonna need somebody to bully shopkeeps or whatever. Don''t, y''know, steal ''em, but we need those backpacks, and I''d really rather not have to explain to the Headmaster why we bankrupted the Academy for gear."


    She made a face, but nodded. "Can do."


    I smiled at her. "That''s the spirit. Angel, Bill, Raven, can you three handle the rest of the equipment and supplies, as well as getting the paperwork to duBois by the end of the day tomorrow?"


    All three of them nodded, and Bill repeated Bonnie''s, "Can do."


    I nodded, "now that we''ve got that handled," I reached for my spoon, but a glance across the Dining Hall made me wince, so I got up and, after assuring everyone I''d be right back, wandered over to the Barbie Brigade''s table.


    Lancaster looked up from his breakfast; a bowl of oatmeal with some sliced fruit of some kind in it, and said, "Cadet Diaz. Good morning. I assume you need someone here for something?" Amazingly polite for Larry boy.


    I nodded, "if you could. In case you haven''t heard, General Lancaster has put me in charge of taking an expedition out to Lancaster House to see why we haven''t heard from Lachlan."


    He nodded politely in return, although he''d taken a spoonful of oatmeal while I spoke, and had to wait for him to swallow before he answered. "I received a letter from him yesterday, noting that. When are we leaving?"


    "If all goes well, first thing Friday. I''ve got some medical treatments that are going to have me sidelined until then, and I was hoping those of you going along could help with some of the gear acquisition."


    He smirked, "it would be a poor showing if a Lancaster couldn''t afford to help pay for the expedition to Lancaster House. Of course I..." he trailed off, frowning, "those of us? Who all is going?"


    "You, me, the whole ROTC table over there, Rider, Rosen, and Carruthers."


    Carruthers, one table over, popped his head up, "what?"


    "You''re going along on the Lancaster House Expedition, we leave Friday morning."


    He looked a little poleaxed, but then shrugged and said, "okay," and went back to eating.


    "Ten Cadets?" asked Lancaster.


    "And twenty units of Volunteers. We''ve got no idea whether we''re looking at another area hit by the Plague, or if the assholes in Calverton have decided to use the Plague as a good time to kick us while they think we''re down."


    For the first time, I got to see Lancaster looking pissy with someone other than me or mine. It was still kinda punchable, but I could tolerate it when he pointed it at people who deserved it. "Or monsters, either taking advantage of the Plague or driven to farmsteads and villages by the winter. So, what did you need us to procure?"


    I took a deep breath, knowing that what I said next was likely to bring down a bit of a shit fit. "Enough tinker-style backpacks to outfit the entire Expedition." I nodded toward Bonnie and said, "Bonita has family who work on the road, and it seems like the best option for us to carry our supplies in, since we''ve already been told no carts or boats."


    "You..." he trailed off.


    "Yeah, Larry?" I kept my voice upbeat, since a brawl with the one who would likely wind up second-in-command of this shitshow-to-be before we even left the Academy wouldn''t really look good on my record.


    "want us..." he waved a hand at Rosen and Rider. "To wear tinker backpacks."


    "Unless you can think of a better way for us to carry all our food and camping gear on our backs?"


    He inhaled, held his breath for a five count, then blew out a sigh. "Of course you do. May I ask one thing?"


    "Hey, as long as you don''t start sealioning, I''m down for answering as many questions as you need answered. Hell, you might think of something I didn''t."


    He looked a little surprised, but asked, "why will you not be bringing us supplies with that teleportation thing you do?"


    I cocked my head, because I only realized just then why I hadn''t thought of it, but answered honestly, "good question, but you know those medical treatments I mentioned?"


    "Yes?"


    "They''re because I hurt myself doing that shit in the battle before Yule, and might have done more of the same with all that Curing."


    I swear, he and the Barbies looked like I''d just announced that I''d auto-decapitated or something like that. "Truly?"


    I shrugged. "Got no reason to lie about it. Hopping around a room winds up hurting like a bitch right now. Loki tells me I''ll be on the road to recovery by Friday, and I might be able to hop back here in an emergency to, I dunno, bring us Sister Siobhan or some critical whatever, but I don''t want to lean too hard on it, y''know? Definitely don''t want to plan on doing so."


    "I suppose that''s why you won''t be teleporting us all straight there as well?"


    Again, something I hadn''t thought of, but realized why when he mentioned it. "That and the fact that the more people I take per trip, the more it strains me, plus the fact that I don''t think I can really Translocate to someplace or someone I''m not really familiar with."


    He looked a little confused. "You''ve met Lachlan, though."


    I looked him right in the eye and said, "so far the only one I''ve Translocated to without knowing the spot where they were? Saffron."


    He shut his mouth and nodded before saying, "ah. ''Familiar'' familiar. Understood. Well then, once we''re done breakfast, I''ll get with Cadet Obol then?"


    I nodded. "Thanks, Larry. I hoped I could count on you."


    He nodded as well, "of course."


    I trudged on back to the ROTC table, dropped into my seat, and realized that dealing with that particular group took more energy than I''d realized. "What was all that about?" asked Bill.


    "Just making sure Larry and his crew wouldn''t straight up refuse to work with Bonnie and Fred." I paused a second, glancing at Bonita''s chest to confirm that her last name was, indeed, ''Obol''. "He says he''ll join you after breakfast to start shopping. Hell, he might even pay for them."


    If her eyes got a little wide, she didn''t say anything against it, just kept shoveling breakfast. I took her example and tucked in myself. By the time I finished with leftover cleanup, I''d hit the point of wanting to sleep again, so I wandered back to the Ladies'' Infirmary and lay back down on my cot. Right as my butt hit the bed, the menace shouted, "MAMA!" and I had half a second to brace before she slammed into me and tumbled me back onto the bed. Fortunately, my head thwomped down on the painkiller pillow, so I just hugged her, then grabbed her under the armpits and held her straight above me.


    "Hey, Menace! Grandma watching you today?"


    "Yah! I hep Sissa Shavan!"


    I glanced over to where the Sister herself approached at a much more sedate pace. "She''s not making a nuisance of herself, is she?"


    "Isnomi? Never. She''s been nothing but helpful. If, well, a tad enthusiastic at times."


    I looked back up at the menace, "Momma''s so proud of you, Menace!" I pulled her in for a hug, and she purred at me and rubbed her face against mine. After making sure I was completely disheveled, she wriggled away and bounced off to ''help'' someone else. Grandma, I assumed. "So, when and how do we do the thing?"


    She nodded, then pulled the curtains around the little alcove shut. "To begin with, I''ll need you to disrobe. Apologies, but clothing can both hide the way muscles are moving and prevent proper external manipulation of them."


    I shrugged, rolled to my feet, and slipped off the skirt and blouse I''d been wearing since Saffron booped them onto me yesterday morning. I lay them next to the pillow on the bed and sat my ass back down. When I looked up to ask what I needed to do next, Sister Siobhan was very studiously not looking away from me, nor looking anywhere but my face. "I... I was unaware you were skyclad beneath your clothes."


    I smirked up at her. "Aren''t we all?"


    She took a few deep breaths and blew them out. "I''ll need you to lie face down on the bed. Most of the work will be on your posterior muscles."


    I lay down as she''d asked, turning my head to avoid suffocating myself. As she looked down and began her little examination prayer, I quipped, "my butt muscles?"


    When I flexed the muscles in question, her professional mask dropped for a second. "No, no. Well, not specifically. The big muscles of your back, including your, ah, butt muscles, do most of the work of moving you around, so those are the ones I''ll be focusing on, but I''ll need to check your thighs and calves as well."


    "No worries, Sister. You need my arms up or down?"


    She paused a moment. "It shouldn''t matter, but let''s start with ''up''."


    I lifted my arms, folded them under my head, and braced my forehead on them, holding my face just above the pillow. "Okay, just let me know what you need me to do when."


    I gotta say, for all that she seemed a little taken aback by my habit of going commando, the Sister was nothing but professional. Well, I mean, as professional as you can be when you''re bare-handing somebody''s butt cheeks, y''know? By the end of the day, the worst thing that happened to me was that I found out that my oubliette of a digestive tract apparently could wind up with air stuck in it, and some combinations of position and pressure forced that air out. Rapidly.


    If Sister Siobhan wondered why my farts smell like pumpkin spice, she didn''t ask, and I sure as shit didn''t tell her.

 Day One Hundred And Eighty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    Apparently I''ve kicked off a whole wave of ''we never thought of that'' using shit for the Other Use, whether the safety label says it''s recommended or not.


    So yesterday Sister Siobhan gave me a physical mauling to match the spiritual one Loki gave me. Okay, not really. She''s just over five feet tall, and couldn''t be more than a buck twenty in her habit, sopping wet. Whereas my Patron is at least ten feet tall and while he''s not built like a brick shithouse, he''s certainly not runway model skinny. No real comparison.


    Somehow that doesn''t sound like I come out the better in your comparison.


    Not even a better or worse thing; just sayin'' you''ve got way more weight to throw around when you choose to throw it.


    I see.


    You''re the best, Boss.


    I know.


    So in order to keep me from screwing up her work by walking to the Dining Hall, Sister Siobhan had my meals delivered to the Infirmary, and took it on herself to feed me after she''d ''eaten''. Yeah, that must be part of the reason she''s so petite; she ate less than I would have for a midnight snack. Like, one small bowl of oatmeal with some desiccated fruit lying atop it for lunch, and half a loaf of black bread and about a quarter serving of salt-lick pork. Normal amounts of vegetables each time, so I wasn''t worried about her dying of malnutrition or anything, but still. Isnomi ate more than that and she''s not even a year old, for fuck''s sake.


    Oh, there''s another note. The menace helped feed me each meal, and darted in at least once every half hour or so to cheer me on. Her usual method of doing so was toddling up to the low bed, where her eyes barely peeked over the surface, then once she got my attention reaching up and putting a hand on each of my cheeks and saying, "ya ga dis, Mama!" then scampering off to help somebody else.


    "You''ll tell me if she gets to be a nuisance, right Sister?" I asked after one of those visits.


    She just laughed and kept doing what she was doing, which at the moment was bending my knee and twisting my legs to make my hips snap crackle pop. At least that''s what it felt like, not like I could see over my own shoulder. "Of course, Tabitha. I just don''t see it happening. She''s like a little angel, raising everyone''s spirits. A few of the Cured plague victims who needed more recuperation than could be provided in their homes. Some of them had just about given up hope until she started showing up and doing her little encouragement things. Not to mention that she''s particularly good at fetching things for those who can''t get up, or Grandma Aetos or I when our hands are full."


    This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.


    I shook my head. "Precocious little scamp, isn''t she?"


    "I suppose so. I''ve never really thought about it before. Just how helpful she''s been."


    After that she went back to mauling me. When dinner time rolled around she wrapped up, fed me dinner, then said, "You''ve a pair of visitors before you go to sleep."


    I rolled my head over to see Saffron standing there in Glowing Midnight, Isnomi sitting on one arm, with Marie standing behind them. "Hey Sister? Is it okay if I get up now?"


    She clucked her tongue. "I''m sorry, but I''d really rather you used your large muscles as little as possible for the next twenty four hours."


    I sighed, only to have Marie reach over and pick me up, rolling me over and sitting me up with my back against the ''head'' of the cot; really just the wall they''d anchored it to. "Hey guys!"


    Isnomi flailed at Marie''s arm, then far more carefully grabbed her mom''s chin. Finally she pointed at me and said, "I hep Mama!"


    I laughed. "You did, Menace! You helped Momma and a bunch of the other folks here in the Infirmary."


    Saffron looked suitably impressed, booping Isnomi''s nose and saying, "I''m so proud of you, my girl!" Isnomi just ate it up, practically glowing at the praise.


    Marie lifted Isnomi away from Saffron with her five-point-harness claw maneuver, turned the menace to look her in the eye, and said, "Good." If I''d thought she glowed before? Now she practically vibrated.


    Saffron took the opportunity to sit down on the bed and lean into me. She put her arms around me, leaned against my chest, and said, "do I even want to know why you''re naked?"


    I chuckled. "Apparently clothing messes with the Sister''s ability to unfuck me and my spine."


    If she nipped at me a little, I probably deserved it for my choice of verb there. "You know the rules, Goof."


    "I didn''t Just Happen to the Sister or anyone else. If nothing else, the walls are literally curtains, and Isnomi is running around the room near constantly."


    Isnomi, hearing her name, called out, "I hep! I hep!" from where she dangled from Marie''s claw-harness.


    Saffron sighed. "So you''re really not up for anything?"


    I shook my head. "Sorry. Can''t do anything. Wish I could, but," I shrugged, then winced, because those are big muscles. "Sister Siobhan won''t let me up to feed myself, let alone walk around or engage in hanky or panky." Saffron bent me forward and kissed my forehead. Kinda agonizing to my abs, but totally worth it. I looked over to Marie and said, "can I get a hug and some help back down?"


    "So, trying to get rid of us so you can work your wicked wiles on the Sister?"


    I laughed, "More that she''s standing right behind you with that ''Tabitha needs her sleep'' face."


    Both Saffron and Sister Siobhan blushed at that. Saffron leaned up, whispered something in Siobhan''s ear, which the Sister nodded to by way of reply. Saffron leaned back over to where Marie had, with one hand, picked me up and laid me on the bed. She kissed me, and the world went black.


    I woke up a few times on Thursday, but for the most part? All I remember are dreams of lying by the lakeside. Chibi hibachi chef Saffron wasn''t in evidence until after breakfast the following morning. I don''t so much remember mealtimes as know they must have happened, although I might have been dreaming it even then.


    Fuck it. Both my doctor and my god told me to sleep, and Saffron and Marie knew where I was; if anything went wrong, they''d take care of it.


    Weird, knowing that if you wind up the damsel in distress, there will be a whole hunting party coming to save you.

 Day One Hundred And Eighty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    I wonder if Saffron felt this way marching out to Newark.


    So after yet another day of chef Saffron dreams and night of staring at the sky, I woke up in my own bed, surrounded by warm people cuddled against me. I gently nudged Saffron awake, giving her plenty of time to blink and stretch herself awake. Once she looked more or less aware, I whispered, "hey, you. Good morning."


    She snuggled up to me, tilting her head to keep eye contact. "Good morning, Goof."


    "Please tell me I didn''t dream the last few days?"


    "You didn''t. What made you think that, and why would you be worried about it?"


    I smiled down at her. "I don''t remember coming back to the room, but I do remember delegating a whole bunch of work that I don''t want to have to do again."


    "The delegation, or the work?"


    "Either, really. Nobody told me delegating was work."


    She chuckled, the sound reverberating through me. "Welcome to my world, love. Any time I''m not actively Curing people or working on Mass Cure? I''m either meeting with the Council or delegating work to people."


    I winced. "I''m sorry."


    Her laughter deepened, and she wriggled her arms around me. "Only you, Goof."


    "Only me what?"


    "Only you would hand your wife the world on a platter and then apologize when she has to deal with the consequences."


    I put my arms around her in turn. "Well, yeah. You never asked for this, and now you''re dealing with the consequences of my actions."


    She nipped at me a little bit. "I haven''t complained because I knew you''d react like this. Which, while endearing, is absolutely unneeded."


    "Why?"


    She snuggled into me, so I felt her words as much as hearing them. "Because I''ve discovered that I love it. Oh, it''s work, don''t get me wrong, but being the one people turn to when decisions have to be made? I find it thrilling."


    "Not worried you''re gonna screw it up?"


    She shook her head, although with how she''d burrowed into me, she couldn''t move her head all that much. "Anyone else in the same role would make more mistakes, and probably be unwilling to admit when they were mistakes. I have no illusions about that."


    "Okay. Just promise me something?"


    "Of course."


    "When you get tired of it, you hand it off to somebody else and we get a little bungalow down the shore."


    She purred against me. "You remembered."


    "Duh. I remember important things." We lay there in each others arms, her purr rumbling the bed just a little, until the other half of my question hit my brain like a poorly thrown frisbee. "How did I get back to the room?"


    "Me." Marie''s answer came from behind me a second before she lay her arm over both of us and snuggled us in tight. Tighter; not like there''s a whole lot of leeway if all four of us are on the bed, and I felt Isnomi laying across our calves. Questions answered, I just enjoyed the feel of family all snuggled together.


    After a while, the menace stirred, then wormed her way between us, eyes still closed, and nudged her way into nursing from Saffron. Purring intensified, both from the little one and the big one. I asked, "anybody know what time it is?"


    I felt something from Saffron, who then replied, "the Maids are still setting up breakfast."


    "So, time for us to get vertical and mobile." Of course, I couldn''t do that until Marie moved, at least not without either shoving her out of the bed or climbing over her. After one final squeeze of the rest of us, she did her trick of slipping out from under the covers without letting any cold air in. I sighed, gave Saffron and the menace another hug, and did a much clumsier version of the same thing. When the cold hit, I decided to chance discomfort and used my insta-dress trick. That prompted disappointed Saffron noises from the bed, so I leaned over the bed and kissed her thoroughly.


    When I pulled away, she asked, "how are you feeling, by the way?"


    I blinked. "Huh. Much better, I guess, because despite not moving like a geriatric on Quaaludes, I''m not hurting." I spun both arms through a full range of motion, then bent over and pushed my hands to the floor. duBois flexibility training for the win. Same for Sister Siobhan''s masseuse skills. When I straightened up I said, "everything seems to be more or less back to normal, body-wise."


    "What about the damage you''d done to your soul?" If she stuttered a little on that last, I didn''t comment. Most of what I''d done to myself had been done when I thought she''d been killed, after all.


    "Not sure. I suppose I could Translocate a little and test it out."


    "What does your Patron say?"


    I shrugged. Hey, Boss?


    Yes, Tabitha?


    I''m feeling pretty okay today, so I''m guessing I don''t need to come back for another session where you treat me like play dough. How soon should I be able to start Translocating and Co-Locating again?


    I would recommend you do so regularly, but keep it to short distances for at least a week.


    Short meaning?


    Line of sight or within the same building.


    Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    "Sounds like I''m in rehab for that. I can hop around the building, but shouldn''t do much more for at least a week."


    She made the cutest little face. "Dammit. I''d hoped you could come back here overnight, like I''m doing now."


    I looked at her, one eyebrow going up. "You do realize you could come pick me up?"


    Watching her mouth drop open was so cute. Like my very own surprised Pikachu meme, only way cuddlier. "I''m going to blame that one on nursing."


    I laughed. "She''s sucking on your tit, not your brain, Kitten."


    "I didn''t say nursing was at fault. I said I''m going to blame it."


    "Point." I turned to Marie, who''d got herself dressed while I sat there trading quips with Saffron. "So, can you and Grandma keep the menace from tearing the Academy down while we''re both at work?"


    Sometimes I forget that while she''s not talkative, Marie probably has the sharpest sense of humor of all of us. The look she gave Isnomi, eyes going wide in a fabulous horrified look like she''d just been told she had to dig out a community cesspit with her bare hands. Claws. Whatever, she just nailed it with the world''s least confident, "Maybe."


    We all laughed at that, even Marie after a few seconds of maintaining her doubtful face. I sauntered up to her, gave her a hug and kiss, then bent over the bed to do the same for Saffron and Isnomi. "See you tonight, Menace. If Mom remembers to pick me up on her way home from work."


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    I stepped down to the Dining Hall, my butt hitting the seat just as the Maids opened the doors. I''d power-nommed a tray of spicy eggs before the rest of the crew got to the table. Once we''d all gathered, I paused my one woman crusade against the chickens of Phileo to quickly review the rest of the ROTC Cadets. "Everything go well yesterday?" When I got a round of nods from people with full mouths, I turned to Bonita. "Any problems getting the tinker backpacks?"


    She gulped down whatever she''d had in her mouth, chasing it with a drink from her stein before replying. "Nothing we couldn''t handle. Turns out nobody wants to tell a Lancaster ''no'' when it comes to selling something they''re technically trying to sell anyhow. He covered the cost of all of them too. Well, the Lancasters did. He just told them to send the bill to their townhouse and ''his people'' would take care of it. I really don''t want to know how badly he got overcharged."


    I smiled at her, "yeah, you probably don''t. Still, one less thing the Academy has to pay for, which means one less thing I have to justify to duBois and Miles when the bill comes due. Are they all here at the Academy?"


    She nodded, "They''re all packed and waiting for us at the Academy loading docks. I asked the Maids to pack them; I figure that way they''ll start out slightly more organized than ''everything shoved in every which way'', for however long that lasts."


    "Good idea. Bill, how''d we do on the crossbows?"


    He''d been waiting for the question, so I didn''t have to wait for him to swallow. Funny, over the course of the last six months he''d gone from the butterball I remembered from the first week to just a stocky guy, maybe a little shorter than average, maybe with a little bit of a gut, but definitely not soft, the way he''d been. I wasn''t sure if I missed that or not. "I couldn''t get spares, but we''ve got one crossbow for everyone in the expedition. We also have ten more bolts each than you initially asked for. Apparently they''re overstocked on bolts, and since we''re taking most of the stockpile of crossbows, they wanted to get rid of them." More athletic profile or not, his voice still danced around the upper registers. I''d never asked him if he spoke with a deliberate falsetto, or if he was just a natural soprano, but now wasn''t really the time to get into that. I was certain we''d have at least one late night shit-shooting session during the expedition; I''d ask him then.


    I frowned a little as I thought about our crossbows. "The bolts are about a pound each, right?"


    He nodded. "Pound and a half, really, but close enough."


    "That means ten more per soldier is fifteen pounds of kit per soldier."


    He looked a little worried, but replied, "uh, yeah?"


    "That''s fifteen pounds less food per soldier."


    He closed his eyes and sighed, "dammit. I thought I was being clever."


    Bill''s salvation came from the place I least expected it. Lancaster stepped up to the end of the table and cut in to the conversation, saying, "for about half of the trip, we''ll be traveling through forests. If we travel line abreast, we should be able to scare up a fair amount of wild game to supplement our stores, at least so long as we''re not marching across farmsteads. Once we are, if food is a problem we can get it there."


    I took the time to chew and swallow a mouthful of eggs before replying, considering his suggestion. Mouth clear, consideration done, I replied, "that''s a really good idea. The troops without too much experience with crossbows will get some target practice as well."


    He frowned. "I''m not sure that letting our less skilled archers do the hunting is the best idea."


    I shrugged. "Oh, no. We''ll wind up using, possibly losing, some of our bolts." If my deadpan delivery didn''t clue him in, I''m sure my smile did.


    He nodded. "You''re the commander. When are we leaving?"


    "One second. Raven, Bill, all the paperwork done and submitted?"


    Raven winced, shaking her hand almost like she didn''t realize she was doing it. Bill explained, "way more than we thought there would be, given the relative simplicity of the personnel forms. We got them all in by end of day yesterday, for a sufficiently broad definition of ''end of day''."


    "Was duBois still in his office?"


    Bill sheepishly replied, "no."


    I grinned at both of them, having to turn my head to do so, since they were more or less on opposite sides of me. "Excellent. He told me we had anything I wanted for equipment, but I really didn''t want to hear he''d reconsidered when I decided to take three hundred or so crossbows."


    "You aren''t worried he''ll change his mind now?"


    I shrugged. "We''ll cut breakfast short and head out at sunrise. By the time he reads his way through all that paperwork, we''ll be across the Schuylkill. If he wants them back, he can come tell us so himself, right?"


    That got a round of cut off laughter from the table, followed by more intense nomming as people realized this would likely be the last Maid-cooked food they''d have for a while. Probably the last meal with any real spice to it as well. I followed suit, and Lancaster sauntered back to his own table to eat. As I finished off my current tray of spicy eggs, I remembered something. "Be right back."


    I hopped back to the room and immediately felt some kind of way when I found it empty; Saffron gone for her day of work, Isnomi gone with Marie or Grandma for the day. I pulled open the bottom drawer, rifled through it, and found the wax paper packets of spices I''d bought back on the day I first met Rocky. My spices secured, I turned to look around the room, trying to be sure I hadn''t forgotten anything else. My gaze crossed the armoire, and I realized I had one more thing to do before leaving for a while. I opened the front, leaned in, and slid the hidden door aside. "Son?"


    Conrad popped up in front of me, his smile stretched across his face just a little further than natural, as usual. "Hey. I''m going to be heading out to Lancaster House in like, an hour. I wanted to be sure you''d be okay with Saffron and I both away."


    If his smile shrank, it became ever so slightly more real seeming. "I want for nothing in my workshop, but knowing you care enough to ask fulfills needs I''d not realized I had. Never fear, Mother. I shall remain vigilant and ensure your domicile remains undisturbed by intruders in your absence."


    I nodded, trying for my best motherly smile. "Keep an eye on your sister and Marie for me, if you have the time between projects?"


    He nodded graciously. "Of course, Mother."


    Scrambling for something to say so it didn''t feel like I''d just dropped in to make sure he hadn''t taken to turning random Cadets into equal weights of furniture and kitchen appliances, I asked, "did you want me to pick something up for you while I''m out?"


    He put one hand to his breast; on anyone else the gesture would seem fake, but somehow he managed to pull it off. "I... hadn''t really given the matter any thought. Should something remind you of me, I would love a souvenir of your travels."


    I smiled at him. "Will do, son. Gotta get moving before we start burning daylight."


    "Farewell, Mother."


    I stepped back to the Dining Hall, wax paper packets clutched in their folded manila envelope. "Just remembered I had these."


    When everybody looked at me, I said, "a few packets of powdered cayenne and jalapeno. Might have to stretch it out, but they ought to give us a little taste of home, y''know?"


    Bill looked at me. "You know how to cook?"


    I looked around the table. "You mean none of you guys do?" I stared at Bill in particular. "Your parents own a restaurant. How did you wind up not learning how to cook?"


    He shrugged. "My dad does all the cooking. My mom does the baking. I just waited tables until I started spending all day with the tutor we hired."


    I facepalmed. "Okay, I guess we learn as we go then. Still better than, I dunno, Unseasoned boiled rabbit or some shit like that." That got a round of laughs. I kept shoveling in eggs and bread until Lancaster walked back toward us, Rosen, Rider, and Carruthers in his wake. I looked around the table, set down my spoon, and said, "time to go, ladies and gentlemen."


    As I stood, I grabbed one last loaf of bread, and smiled a little as everyone except Lancaster followed suit. He shook his head, but said nothing, so I led the way down to the basement. Three hundred and ten backpacks sat, each with a crossbow and shield hooked to the back, with a spear leaning against it. The ten of us grabbed up ours, then opened up the doors to find our troops waiting outside in the dim light of false dawn. "Good morning, ladies and gentlemen!" I hid my shudder at the shock of cold air; most of the troops stood in ankle-deep snow; they had their armor and boots on, but no weapons or gear other than that. I mean, they all had clothes, including cloaks, but no military or camping gear. "Cadets Driver," I nodded to Bill, "Aetos," a nod to Raven, "Rider, and Rosen will gear you all up; I''d like to be on the road by sunrise. One unit per bay at a time," I paused, looked at Bonita, Fred, Carruthers, and Lancaster, "can you guys direct traffic here while I go play rally point over yonder?"


    "Of course, Commander." Weird as fuck having Lancaster direct his stickler-for-propriety at me, but fuck it.


    "Thanks." I turned back to the troops, who stood in more or less unit-sized blobs. "Cadet Mac Conno and myself will be waiting over there," I waved in the direction where I vaguely remembered seeing a ferry across the Schuylkill. "We''ll be marching in line formation until we clear the City walls. So as soon as you''ve got your gear, come line up on us or behind one of the units lined up on us. Got that?"


    "Yes, Ma''am." Kinda freaky having three hundred men and women all call me ''Ma''am'' at the same time. Even weirder was them just taking that frag order and running with it. Well, for a value of ''running'' that included stomping their feet trying to stay warm while the units ahead of them got their gear and moved into formation. Angel and I went over to the crest of the last hill before the ground dropped off toward the river, and if the units lined up weren''t perfectly ramrod straight, they certainly were close enough to formation to make it through the city without getting lost.


    Maybe half an hour later, the Cadets gathered around me. "Everybody ready for a nice little hike?"


    Lancaster made a face at my informality, but asked, "how should we arrange ourselves?"


    I nodded at our double line of units. "Just off the flanks, alternating sides. Lancaster, can you take the lead, since you''re the one who knows where we''re going?" He nodded and moved over to stand to the right of the first units, then stood there waiting patiently. "Okay, Aetos, Carruthers, Obol, Driver," I glanced at the front of Fred''s jacket, "Jonopolous, Rider, Rosen, MacConno, and then I''ll bring up the rear. Let''s get moving, folks."


    When everybody was in place, I called out, "Okay, Lancaster, move us out!"


    So, it turns out that ferries? At least the little ones in the here and now? Take a lot longer to ferry twenty groups of people than I thought, so Lancaster led us to a bridge across the Schuylkill. One that added a few miles to our travel. Long story short? That night we set up camp with the western wall of Phileo still in sight. Great start to our trip.


    Then again, duBois didn''t chase us down to take our crossbows back, so I''m gonna call it a win.

 Day One Hundred And Eighty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    I get that if you''ve got beef with somebody, you tend to ignore any good qualities they might have, but it''s still somewhere between shocking and embarrassing to have Lancaster know more about how to do something than me.


    So, as we made camp on a series of natural terraces in sight of the City walls, Saffron tagged me.


    So, shall I come pick you up this evening?


    I wanted nothing quite so much as to spend the night with my loved ones, but as I looked around I realized how unfair that would be. I''m sorry, Kitten. I really don''t think it would do the esprit de corps any good if I don''t spend my nights roughing it with them.


    I see your point. Still, no reason I ought not do this then.


    A moment later, and she was there, her arms full of Menace, who launched herself at me the moment she saw me, shrieking ,"Mama!"


    That got the attention of all the nearby Volunteers, and given how she''d worked with the Maids during training, most of them recognized her and let out a cheer. She clambered up to stand on my shoulders, her arms waving as she twisted herself around as far as she could to wave at everyone. Meanwhile my two units had just started a fire going, with a pair of birds one of them had shot down right after we left the city on sticks close enough for them to cook without burning too much. It wouldn''t feed everyone, but it would stretch our food a little further, not to mention being fresh cooked.


    Lancaster''s units had the uppermost terrace, since he''d been in front, and most of the other units were four to a terrace. I spotted Larry himself walking down the road, pausing at each terrace to talk with the Cadets there. When he spoke with Rider, Rosen, and Angel, I heard him saying something about sentries and clear space. When he finished talking to them, he walked down to our terrace. When he saw Saffron standing there, he nodded, then politely said, "Imperator Aetos."


    She might not have been thrilled with having to talk to him before she even got to sit down, but she replied with a polite, "Cadet Lancaster."


    I decided to step in before things got too chilly for even Saffron to warm me up. "Hey Larry. I heard you mention something about sentries?"


    He nodded, "Yes, Commander. While the hills west of Phileo are mostly free of any predators that might decide to try to make a meal out of one of our Volunteers, ''mostly'' is not the same as ''entirely''. Also, the further west we go, the more likely we''ll run across something that hunts at night, so we might as well start as we intend to go on. Unless you''d rather we didn''t?"


    I shook my head. "Nah, that''s a really good idea. What do you think of twelve hours marching, twelve hours camped per day?"


    He shrugged, "your choice. The Cadets amongst us could probably do more, but we are marching through snow, quite a bit of it uncleared even on the roadway. Speaking of the road, can we rotate which units are in the lead? Both my units are near exhaustion with having to forge through the snow."


    "Sounds good. I''ll have these two," I nodded toward my units, "rotate up to the front, and bump the others back. That way we''ve always got our freshest unit up front breaking trail."


    "That''ll prevent us from going line abreast to scare up game as we march."


    I grimaced, "yeah. We''ll still get some," I nodded to the two pheasants. "But not anywhere near as much. Still, that''s what we brought the food for, right?"


    He just nodded at that, then said, "should we find something brave or stupid enough to attack us on the march, how should we respond?"


    My first thought, just to straight up attack it and let it find out what happened when you messed with Phileo, died before I even opened my mouth. "What are you thinking we''ll see?"


    "We''ll probably see some wolves and mountain lions, but I don''t think the winter has been harsh enough for them to attack a large, obviously armed group. If they do, they''ll probably go for your group, since you''re bringing up the rear."


    "They''re smart enough to try and take us out from the back to the front?" I didn''t think they would be, but magic made all kinds of wacky stuff possible.


    Lancaster shook his head. "No. Your unit is bringing up the rear; in a herd you''d be the slow, weak ones." A grim smile flitted across his face. "I do wish I weren''t all the way in front, should something like that happen."


    "Aw, Larry, I didn''t know you cared."


    He just snorted. "More I wanted to witness someone or something else on the receiving end of your ire for once."


    That got a laugh out of Saffron and I, and even a little giggle out of the menace before she said, "Mama bad ath."


    It took me a second to translate that. "Oi! Menace! Watch your fuckin'' language up there."


    That got a giggle from Isnomi, a stone face so obvious Lancaster must have been hiding some kind of reaction, and a look of sheer disbelief from Saffron. "Really, love? Given your typical vocabulary, I''m just grateful every word out of her mouth isn''t profane, vulgar, or obscene."


    I rolled my eyes. "Fine, fine. Don''t come running to me when she can''t get a job as a sailor because she cusses too much."


    Saffron poked me in the side. "You are absolutely the one I''ll come running to."


    I winced a little, more because she was right than anything. "Okay. Wolves and Mountain Lions. Tigers? Bears?"


    You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.


    "No tigers, thank Odin, but there are bears. Mostly black bears, and again they''ll likely shy away from a force this large, but more likely to go for whichever group they focus on first than trying to take out the rear."


    I nodded. "Please let the other cadets know about that, just in case. Anything else?"


    He shrugged. "Not likely for another day or two, but there are always a few ne''er do wells that go bandit every winter, and once we get away from the City there''s a whole list of possible beasts, mundane and otherwise. Many of the worst will be hibernating, but some won''t. I''d say the biggest single threat would be some variety of wyrm. Wyverns, if we''re lucky. A dragon if we''re not."


    "Well. Shit. Good to know in advance, then. By Dragon, you mean like the thing that hit the Aquarium last summer?"


    He shook his head, which relieved me until he said, "No, that was a marsh drake. Which puts it on the small size for a Dragon, although..." He trailed off, looked thoughtful for a moment, then asked, "did it breathe acid, or fire, or any other dangerous substance?"


    Just the thought of it made me itch, but I said, "some kind of flaming acidic gunk. My memory''s a little foggy."


    He nodded. "A marsh Dragon then, although those do tend to be on the small size for Dragons. Then again, mountain Dragons don''t usually get all that huge before a Hero patrol takes them down."


    "So, the whole ''breathing deadly shit'' is the difference between drake and Dragon?"


    He shrugged and nodded, "there are other differences, but for the most part, that''s how they''re identified."


    "So what do mountain Dragons breathe out?"


    This time it was his turn to shudder. "A blast of sharp crystals, like a wave of sharpened sand. At normal temperatures, those crystals melt into an acidic compound."


    I reached down and scooped up some clean snow to make a snowball. As I handed it up to the menace, I said, "so the weather''s an advantage to us then?"


    He shot me a flat look and said, "body heat."


    "Oh, shit."


    A tiny voice from above my head called out, "angage!"


    Even Lancaster laughed at that. From behind me one of my Sergeants called people in for dinner, so I nodded and said, "you mind letting the other Cadets know about the local hazards on your way back up front?" He nodded and turned to head out without another word. I put an arm around Saffron, who was still giggling about Isnomi calling out my swearing, and walked her back to the fire. I looked at the Sergeant who had been overseeing our pup tent setup and said, "set up watches for these two units, please? We''re going to be doing twelve on, twelve off until something interrupts that. I''d really rather not lose anybody to a sneaky cougar or some... something else like that."


    He replied, "yes, ma''am," then set about grabbing up around a third of the Volunteers, most of whom he set to watching the side opposite the road, but at least a few on the downhill side of the terrace and the road itself. Meanwhile my head rang with giggle as Saffron thought, I''d best watch out, I''ve heard there''s a cougar attempting to ambush me and steal away my virtue.


    I pulled her in for a kiss, then settled down on a big rock nearish the fire, pulling her onto my lap. Seeing Saffron on my lap, and noting that Saffron''s lap was, in fact, empty, the menace scrambled down to grab her seat. Sadly, your dubious virtue is being protected from cougars by a little menace right now.


    Dubious virtue?


    I mean, you''re certainly not a virgin, what with yon menace exiting your hoo hah a less than a year back.


    That got a laugh out of her. "Speaking of, barring acts of god, I would like you to be back for a certain celebration." She nodded to the menace, who''d been trading waves with the Volunteers.


    "Gotcha. Will do, come hell or high water."


    After that we just sat there vibing until she leaned against me with a sigh and said, "we need to be getting home, love."


    I hugged them both to me. "I know. I love you."


    She returned the hug with interest and said, "I love you too."


    The menace stood up and said, "I love you three!" before throwing her arms around our heads and head-bunting us.


    Then Saffron stood up, and they were gone.


    Not even finding my pack mostly full of wrapped up sandwiches from Drivers'' made up for not having them there to eat with, but it was, at the very least, enough to pick my mood up off the floor. Dinner eaten, I slipped off my jacket and crawled into my tent, making sure to make space for the Sergeant I''d be sharing with. I laid my folded up jacket down as a pillow, pulled the army blanket over me, and drifted off to sleep.


    Weird dream. Well, slightly weirder than normal. I''d decided to take a look-see over the rocks at that big oblong of grass. I could just barely see it around the rocks, but now that I took more than a little time looking, I saw a few green patches mixed in with the rocks themselves. After spending maybe half the night pondering those green patches, I spent the rest mostly watching the western sky, trying to see if I could still see the stars when false dawn lit up the sky behind me.


    I woke to the Sergeant shaking my shoulder. "Time for breakfast, ma''am."


    On the one hand, wearing my clothes to sleep meant the blast of cold air when I flopped my blanket back wasn''t nearly as bad as it could have been. On the other hand, it was still pretty fuckin'' bad. I shuddered and crawled out of the tent, the Sergeant starting to break the thing down behind me. "Sergeants?"


    "Yes, ma''am?" they chorused.


    "Your two units will be moving to the front of the column today. We''re going to be rotating you guys through, taking turns on breaking trail for the rest of the column."


    I might have caught the slightest sigh from the one breaking down our tent, or it might have just been a blanket floofing. At any rate, all they said out loud was, "yes, ma''am."


    The highlight of the rest of the day was when the head of the column startled a small herd of deer. Mutual startling aside, the units near the front on that flank managed to take down a couple decent sized deer. That put everybody in a much better mood come dinner time, when pretty much everybody in the expedition got at least a little fresh cooked venison. Bill''s idea, to share any big hauls across the whole expedition; little ones like the pheasants barely had enough meat for the unit that took them to get anything more than a mouthful. Of course, that had all the troops on the lookout for more wild game, which is probably how they spotted the gryphon as it dove at my units. Well really more to the point me, since I stood a few steps to the side of the units.


    On the one hand, I think it might have been dead before it reached the ground, what with half a dozen crossbow bolts hammering into it, not to mention the Fire Bolt I instinctively fired off right into its chest. On the other hand? Getting hammered into the ground by a couple hundred pounds of avian-feline hybrid is not something I''d recommend for your next winter outing. Thankfully Angel and Rosen showed up before I really had done more than lever the damn thing off of me, and managed to team up to Shape a Heal Injury beefy enough to clear up everything except some minor bruising.


    Worst part, which I found out that evening? Gryphons, at least the bigger ones, are obligate carnivores, and carnivore meat isn''t terribly tasty. Okay, I didn''t like it. The menace, who visited along with Saffron, took one look at the head of the thing, which my unit had insisted on keeping as some kind of trophy, and got all weepy. For the first few moments after she saw it, she just clung to me, but before I could figure out how to explain ''self-defense'' to an eleven month old, she leapt to the ground, sprinted over to the trophy head, and started punching the shit out of it, yelling, "Bad! Bad! Bad bid! Bad!" By the time the guys in the unit stopped laughing long enough to intervene, their trophy had got mauled into near-unrecognizability. After giving it one last kick, she toddled back over to where Saffron and I sat, grabbed up my share of the tough, gamey meat of the thing, and started eating with every indication that she loved it.


    Weird kid. Then again, my kid, so what else should I expect.

 Day One Hundred And Eighty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    I remember thinking ''how is it taking so long for a bunch of people on foot to get from Phileo to Newark?'' I get it now.


    No real news on the dreaming front; still kinda rooching my way over the rocks. Still dangling bits in the water along the lakeshore. Got an ever increasing number of tadpoles out by the lakeshore, so not gonna take myself out of the water any time soon, I don''t think.


    Breakfast wound up being half Drivers'' rations, half venison, I think. Apparently the local wildlife is way more copacetic about wandering within sight of the expedition when most of them are asleep, and the few who aren''t are standing still trying to blend into the background while watching to see if anything''s sneaking up on us. I know I heard a few shots from further up the column before I settled in to sleep. None after I woke up; I guess all the dumb local wildlife had been Darwined by then.


    Apparently Heroes, and therefore Cadets, weren''t expected to take a formal ''watch'' when rolling with Volunteer Units. I felt some kinda way about that, so I tagged my smarter half. Because she gets annoyed when I call her my better half.


    Hey, Kitten, you awake?


    I got a grumbling, I am now. Really I am. What''s the emergency? in return.


    Not really an emergency. Just need your ginormous brain to tell me the why of something.


    If you can''t figure it out, I''m not sure I''ll be able to do so at one remove, but go on.


    Why don''t Cadets stand watch? I mean when we''re leading Volunteer units?


    She chuckled, the sound pleasantly fuzzy in my brain. Because if Heroes are leading Volunteer units, they''re acting as officers, so they might have other duties while not on the move. Decisions and plans to make, paperwork to do, that kind of thing. Also, there are at least fifteen sets of non-Hero eyes for every hero, so it''s not like there''s any lack of people on watch.


    So, like, I could take a watch if I wanted to?


    Her response came back with a warning edge to it. If you try to stay up all night every night, I will wax most wroth with you, my goofy Goddess.


    I chuckled as I sent back, Yes, Mom.


    Anything else? The other two are still asleep, and forgive me, but I''d like to join them.


    Nah. Thanks for enhancing my cluefullness. Love you, Kitten.


    Love you too, Goof.


    My sense of her there listening faded slowly, like she''d kept the line open while falling asleep. I remember doing that more than once back in Camden, although in my case it was with my sister just after my mom died. Weird, but it really put me in a much better mood about freezing my ass off while waiting for everything to get packed up. I tried to pitch in, but one of my Sergeants nodded to the side for a quick confab.


    "Ma''am, I''m not going to tell you not to help out breaking down or setting up camp, but..." His murmur trailed off with a bit of a tentative warning note.


    I smiled to let him know I wasn''t pissed about the suggestion, but asked, "why shouldn''t I?"


    The answering smile told me I''d asked the right question. "Part of the Volunteer training that Heroes aren''t a part of; setting up and breaking down camps. Digging latrines for long term camps, putting up barricades in hostile territory, setting up tents and campfires."


    I nodded, not just because I understood, but to keep him talking. Back in my Camden ROTC days, I remember our Sergeant telling us all that if we wound up officers, to listen to our non-commissioned officers, like Sergeants, because most of them had more experience in the real world of soldiering than most of us would ever get. Which is why I wanted to learn as much as I could from him while he was in a talkative mood. "I guess if they''ve been trained and I haven''t, I''m more likely to make more work than I help with. Where do they learn all that from?"


    "All of that''s kind of passed down from Veterans to the new Volunteers. About half of our soldiers here are Veterans, which means they all know that, and can each take one Volunteer under their wing to train them up." He paused, like he had something more to say, but wasn''t sure if he should say it.


    "I don''t bite. Much. Please, tell me anything you think I need to know. Let the other Sergeants know that as well."


    This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source.


    "You''ve probably got an edge on all of us in terms of raw Strength, Agility, and Endurance, so you''d probably help us get done a little faster. Which, in an emergency? Would be fantastic. The problem is that if you do pitch in? All of us wind up thinking it''s an emergency, and puts everybody on edge. We can only keep that kind of thing up for so long, so if you''re helping out every day? We won''t have that edge when we need it." He stopped, looking at me for signs that I''d understood and hadn''t taken offense.


    "Okay, I get all that. I''ll be hands off unless we''re pressed for time in the ''seconds count'' sense. Anybody gonna have a problem if I watch what they''re doing? I might be able to be an actual help when the time comes if I do."


    He shook his head and smiled, "That might actually help. Knowing the boss is watching lights a fire under some folks who need it. Just, if you see somebody slacking, or looking like they are? Please bring it to the Sergeants'' attention. If you''re involved, it''s official. If we take care of it, it''s not."


    "I''m sure you''ll tell one of us if something official needs to be done?"


    He nodded. "Absolutely, ma''am. Also..."


    "Yeah?"


    He looked a little uncomfortable, but continued, "We''re Veteran heavy. Everybody thinks we''re some kind of special strike force, which makes them think we''re heading out to face off against Calverton with twenty Cadets and three hundred soldiers. There have been some rumors about what happened up at Newark''s gates, but that''s only making things worse." He stopped, looking like he wanted to go on, but had run out of words.


    Speaking quietly so no one else heard, I asked, "were any of the soldiers here at the battle in Newark?"


    He shook his head. "No, ma''am."


    "Were any of them on Camden Yards'' north wall to see the battle there?"


    He looked a little confused when he answered, "no, Ma''am. The watch on the walls was all Guards, with Cadets bolstering their numbers." He paused for a moment.. "There really was a battle outside the walls?"


    "Yep. Half the ''Damn Army snuck around General Lancaster''s force and made it all the way to the north walls of Camden Yards."


    He let out a low whistle, then shook his head in confusion. "All of us were still training with the new Volunteers outside the Academy. I... why... We didn''t get called forward to defend the walls?"


    I knew what I wanted to say, but for some reason couldn''t get it out. Trying to ignore the heat in my face, I said, "ask Cadet Driver or Cadet MacConno. They were on the north wall that day."


    That didn''t alleviate his confusion, but the dismay I''d seen lurking behind his eyes softened. At a guess I''d say he assumed Angel and Bill had something to do with stopping the ''Damn Army. Which, I suppose, in a way they did. It had never consciously hit my brain that day, but somewhere deep inside I''d known my friends were on the wall, knew that if the ''Damn Army made it to the wall, they''d be overrun and killed if they were lucky.


    "Yes, ma''am."


    "Also, and please keep this between yourself and the other Sergeants, but honestly I think most of what we''re gonna run into at Lancaster House is Plague victims."


    He smiled at that. "We all know exactly how long the Plague lasts with you around, Ma''am." He nodded to something over my shoulder. "Looks like Cadet Lancaster wants to speak with you, Ma''am. I''ll be about it then?"


    "Sounds good." He snapped off a salute, which I returned, and he marched back to where the unit had our camp most of the way broken down already.


    I turned to see Lancaster just nearing conversational distance. As he came to a stop, he nodded and said, "Commander."


    "Good Morning, Larry." I dunno why I kept using not only his first name, but a diminutive. Maybe I figured if he pulled that Lancaster-issue stick out of his ass, we might get along better? No idea, really, just seemed like the right thing to do. I couldn''t rule out that I enjoyed needling him with it, though.


    "Good Morning. I had two things I wished to confer with you about."


    I tilted my head sideways in a ''go on'' gesture. "Shoot."


    After taking a moment to grok what I meant, he opened with, "I think it best if, at least until we get to cleared roads, we stop at mid-day for a short break, and switch off which units are breaking trail. My units from yesterday are barely in condition to march today."


    I nodded. "Yeah, I guess the first half of the day before we''d spent on roads inside the City, which didn''t have nearly as much snow piled on them."


    "Exactly."


    "Okay then. D''you think we ought to swap them the other way? Rotate the front unit to the back and push everyone else forward?"


    He shook his head. "No, Commander. Not only will it appear weak, but it would put our least combat-ready units on rearguard."


    "Yeah, I get you. If my units hadn''t been fresh, I might have wound up gryphon chow."


    His smirk told me what he thought of that. "My other issue is that I think for our nightly camps, we need to start putting up some kind of barricade around our encampment."


    That meant a lot more work to set up and, if we wanted to break the barricade down, break down the camp. That meant less time on the road, which meant it would take us longer to get to Lancaster House. "Explain?"


    He didn''t get the booger look I expected. Instead he just said, "despite our moderate success in supplementing our stores, there are fewer animals around than I''d normally expect. That means something has been scaring them away. It could be bandits, it could be a pack of smaller predators, like wolves, or it might be a single larger predator, like a large bear or even a drake."


    "Will a wall help with that?"


    He shrugged. "Against bandits? If we keep it simple, just dig a trench and pile the dirt into a mound on the inside of it, with all of our crossbows it would take an army our size or larger to reliably dislodge us. Against most natural predators, just the size of the encampment will deter them from approaching boldly, and the barricade will give them a clear sign of what we consider ''our encampment''."


    All that made sense, but I caught what he hadn''t said. "So, what if we run afoul of a large predator, like a grizzly bear, or a drake, or even a Dragon?"


    He shook his head, a smile that was half grimace twisting his face. "Against a large bear or even a drake? The wall might at least give our soldiers a morale boost for having the high ground."


    "And if it''s a Dragon?"


    "Then we all pray that the rumors about what you did north of the Yards'' wall are true."

 Day One Hundred And Ninety

    Dear Diary,


    I never really thought about the downsides of magical healing before.


    I got blisters during our third day marching, hit them with Heal Injury when we stopped for the day. I figured that was it. At the end of our fourth day? My feet started to blister again. Apparently you don''t get calluses if you magic your blisters away. Who knew? Also, I''m kinda bummed that I hadn''t worked up a decent set of calluses with all the running I did for endurance training, but I''m guessing that marching on a rutted dirt road with constant hills hits different to running in circles on flat, even stone pavers.


    As we set up camp in near darkness, one of the Sergeants came up to me. "Ma''am, could you help us with the fire?"


    I shrugged and asked her, "what''s wrong with it?"


    She smiled, "nothing, really, but we couldn''t find enough good firewood, so what we''ve got to work with is sort of green and a little bit frozen. We''re short of dry kindling as well, because of that stream we had to ford today."


    "Fire all put together and ready to be lit?"


    When she nodded, I said, "lead on." The fire was in the normal spot, just not, y''know, on fire. I leaned down, saw where they''d laid everything out, and how the kindling wasn''t so much kindling as a lump of sodden stuff. I squatted next to it, spread out the kindling as best I could, and shaped a Fire Bolt, but realized that if I just let it go, I''d wind up blowing it all over the place. I held on to the Mana as the Fire Bolt formed, then let it out real slow. A steady stream of fire shot out to cover the kindling. First it bubbled and steamed, and then the water was gone and the kindling caught fire. I waved the rest of the fire from the Fire Bolt over the larger branches over the kindling, and by the time the Bolt was spent, the fire had gotten to the point where it would keep itself burning. I stood, turned to the Sergeant, and, keeping my voice low, asked, "don''t we have anybody who knows, like, how to build fires in bad conditions?"


    She shrugged, "normally in a force this size we''d have at least half a dozen experienced woodsmen, but..." She didn''t look away, but I could tell she wanted to.


    "Out with it."


    "Whoever put our roster together obviously didn''t check for things like that."


    I let out a self-deprecating laugh. "Yeah, guess Bill and I fucked up, didn''t we?"


    "I didn''t say that, ma''am."


    I patted her on the shoulder and said, "you''re right, I did. I guess there''s nothing for it but a quick lesson on how to make a Fire Bolt for the rest of the Cadets with us."


    She looked a little spooked at that. "You mean you''re the only one who can?"


    "Ah, shit. Don''t tell anybody. Seriously. That''ll be corrected before I go to bed tonight."


    She nodded, "I understand, ma''am."


    As I walked up to Angel''s units, I thought at Saffron, you up for leaving the menace with Marie and helping me show the others Fire Bolt tonight?


    I caught the fatigue in her voice, but she replied, certainly. Why is this suddenly an issue?


    Somebody named me forgot to include anybody who knows how to light a fire in shit conditions on our roster.


    She went quiet for a moment, and the next thing I knew she lay a hand on my arm and turned me toward her. "How exactly did you light a fire with Fire Bolt instead of blowing the wood to ashy splinters?"


    "Wanna watch me do the next one?"


    She rolled her eyes, "lead on, o goofiest of goofs."


    I called Angel over to her units'' firepit and demonstrated for her and Saffron. Angel looked a little doubtful about the whole thing, but nodded when I asked her if she''d seen enough to practice it tonight. Saffron just looked over at me and thought, I see how it''s working, but how long did you take to figure that out?


    I shrugged, just kinda made sense.


    She shook her head, pulled me down for a kiss, then said, "let''s leapfrog forward through the rest of the units. If nothing else, I guess I''ll sleep well tonight."


    Roughly an hour later, every unit had its firepit lit, and Saffron and I sat on a log near Lancaster''s unit, both with more than a little sweat frozen in our hair. Oddly enough, Lancaster was the only one of the Cadets to pick up on the modified Fire Bolt. He looked at the pair of us and said, "while I do appreciate having a fire tonight, I suppose we''ve both learned something from this little debacle."


    I said, "figured out that we forgot woodsmen?"


    He shrugged, "honestly, I didn''t think of it before this evening, and I should have after I realized the Volunteers who knew how to break down the deer we shot were butchers."


    I laughed, "so this is what duBois would call ''good training'', huh?"


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    That got a quickly suppressed snort of laughter out of him, before he nodded to me, said, "Commander," and walked off toward his tent.


    "You going back now, Kitten?"


    "Not until after I do this," she leaned in and kissed me, her hands freezing against the back of my neck. I wasn''t about to complain, what with her sharing plenty of heat via mouth-to-mouth. When she pulled away, she sighed and said, "Until tomorrow, Goof." Then she stood and was gone.


    Same dream, just rooching myself around to get a view of the mossy patches in the rocks without getting too far from the lake to dip into it.


    Woke with the Sergeant stirring beside me, ate a breakfast of half frozen Drivers'' take out, trying to figure out if I were happier that it still tasted good cold, or irked that it was practically Drivers'' flavored water ice.


    Nothing major during the day, although when we broke for lunch Lancaster came back to talk. "We might want to rotate our trailbreakers more often, Commander"


    "If you say so. Quarter days?"


    He nodded. "Also, have any of yours seen any game today?"


    I shook my head. "You asked the others?"


    "Yes. No game at all. Which means they''ve been scared off by something."


    I heaved a sigh, "well, let''s just hope whatever it is winds up scared off by us. In the meanwhile, let the other Cadets know, and tell them to tell their Sergeants."


    He nodded. "Commander." Then he walked off.


    Nothing out of the ordinary happened for the rest of the day. Just marching through snow, or trampled slush by the time the ass end of our column got to it.


    Saffron and Isnomi showed up for dinner. I''d planted my butt on a section of log that was destined for the fire some time during the night. Saffron took one look at me and sat on my lap, leaning against me. "Rough day at work?"


    Isnomi jumped up to sit on Saffron''s lap, kneeling on her thighs and putting one arm around each of us. Well, as far as she could reach anyhow. Saffron ran a hand through the menace''s curls a few times before saying, "We had our first quarantine breaker death today."


    I put one arm around her, then hugged Isnomi to us with my other. "Yeah. I remember when that happened in the Yards." After just sitting there a while, I asked, "Did somebody kill him?"


    She shook her head. "We posted sentries after what happened to Pennypacker. She died of exposure."


    I looked around at the snow-covered alpine forest we''d camped in. Around the smells of our fires and the ever present scent of unwashed human, the scent of incoming snow lurked. "It snowed there today, didn''t it?"


    She nodded. "The storm is moving south. You''ll probably see it tomorrow."


    Isnomi wriggled out from between us to go scampering off to say hi to all the Volunteers, so I pulled Saffron close, letting her hide her face against my jacket. "I get it. I do. Just let me know what you need. This, or coming home for the night, or, I dunno, just talking about the weather."


    She laughed just a little at that, the sound thick with unshed tears. "I''m sure I killed some people at the Battle of Newark, but," she paused, and for once I wasn''t a moron and just let her sit and think while I held her. "I never saw the bodies, not really. That was in a battle, too, and I think I''m the one that told you that killing someone in a battle isn''t murder, didn''t I?"


    I buried my face in her hair and replied, "yeah, pretty sure you did. Forgot your own advice?"


    She shook her head, which tickled my nose, but I managed not to sneeze in her hair. "Not so much forgot as didn''t realize how difficult it might be to implement." She heaved a huge sigh, then pulled back so she could look me in the eye. "I''m not sure I''m cut out for this Imperator job."


    I held her face, stared into her eyes, and asked, "because you''re upset about someone dying because of something you ordered?" When she nodded, I said, "I think that''s a sign that you''re absolutely the right person for it." Then I leaned down and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me closer, the kiss hungry. When she pulled away, she asked, "if I wrangle Isnomi a sleepover with Grandma, can you spend the night tomorrow?"


    I grinned down at her, then sighed. "It''ll have to start late and finish early." When she pouted just a little I said, "I''m the one in command here right now, love. If I''m not here when they go to sleep or when they wake up, they''re gonna feel some kinda way about it."


    "So you''re their mother now, too?"


    I laughed at that. "I guess, kinda sorta. Although I''m gonna be way less upset if they catch an earful of us going at it. Hell, even an eyeful."


    She snorted out another laugh, "you haven''t stayed up listening to your troops after lights out, have you?"


    "Really?"


    "Oh, not all of them, and officially they''re supposed to be asleep, but if anybody asks or comments, they''ll claim they were ''wrestling to get themselves tired enough to sleep."


    I shook my head at the threadbare excuse, but then I really wasn''t one to talk. If I wasn''t sharing a tent, I sure as hell would take advantage of Saffron''s visits, assuming the menace wasn''t along.


    I''ll hold you to that, you realize?


    And to other things too, I''m sure.


    "Feel a little better?" I asked.


    She nodded. "Yeah, I just needed," she paused, searching herself for the right word. "Perspective, maybe?"


    I wasn''t sure what I was about to say, because the howl of a wolf echoed through the trees. That didn''t bother me, what with a whole army around us, but when countless others echoed it from every direction, I jumped to my feet, Saffron barely keeping on her own feet in her stiletto boots. We looked one another right in the eyes and at the same time said, "Isnomi!"


    I bolted along the middle of our oblong campsite, head on a swivel looking for the menace. About halfway along the camp, I caught sight of a wolf striding into our circle of firelight. The fucker had to be at least five feet tall at the shoulder, and while none of the shadows moving behind it were quite that big, there were a fuckton of them. Attention focused on the wolf approaching, I almost ran straight into a Sergeant who''d been running toward me. "Ma''am! I tried to stop her, ma''am, but she bit me and I dropped her!"


    That''s when I saw a tiny figure walking across the snow toward the big wolf. "Oh, shit." I tried to step to her, but halfway through the motion I got thrown back to land on my ass. I saw Saffron hit the ground a few paces in front of me, right next to the Sergeant who''d been talking to me. I jumped to her, scooped her up and tagged her with a Heal Injury while scanning the spot I''d seen Isnomi.


    She''d moved to stand inches from the big fucker, its jaws looming over her head. I heard it growl from where I stood, and stepped behind her, since there was literally no space to jump between her and the wolf. When I got there, my feet plunged through the crust Isnomi and the wolf were both standing on, leaving me waist deep in freezing white shit. Before I could do anything else, Isnomi crouched down, the shadows around her twisted, and the snow vibrated. I felt it before I heard it, a growl that shook the snow off the trees, dumping it on the wolves and me and Saffron. Somehow all of it missed the menace, who still crouched, staring right up at the big wolf, who hadn''t moved or broken eye contact with her when she hunkered down.


    The big wolf blinked. Then it sat, then lay down on the snow in front of her. It rolled halfway over and started whining, an absolutely ridiculous sound coming from a wolf that size. Behind it, I saw the other wolf shapes doing the same thing.


    The little menace, one hand reaching out to pat the goddamned monster wolf on the cheek, turned around to us and said, "Ah got dis, Mama."

 Day One Hundred And Ninety-One

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, a lack of action is supposed to be restful. Soothing. Positive vibes even. Instead? Every step I take without something jumping on me winds me just a little bit tighter.


    So after Isnomi did her dancing with wolves routine, I scooped her up. The wolves'' ears perked, and I caught the edges of a rumble, but the menace looked at it and I felt that rumbling growl vibrating through me, puckering everything that had the ability to pucker, and making everything that couldn''t wish it could. "Did Marie teach you that trick?" I asked.


    She turned to me, shook her head hard enough to make her curls bounce, and smiled. "Sy an Grace!"


    I had no idea who the fuck Sy nor Grace was, nor how they''d taught our daughter how to growl in a register that rivaled Marie''s. Still, if she could stand off an entire pack of fuckin'' Dire Wolves, I wasn''t gonna look a gift horse in the mouth. "You wanna go get some dinner or something?"


    "I don''t know about Isnomi, but I''m not feeling terribly hungry at the moment. I think I''d rather lie down and get some sleep."


    I turned to see Saffron swaying side to side, almost like she didn''t realize she was doing it. "Oh, shit. What happened to you?"


    She blinked, and that''s when I noticed her right pupil was way bigger than the left one. "Translocation failure." A pained smile crept across her face, and she followed that with, "we bumped heads."


    "Oh, shit. Are these wolves going to stay cowed if I take you home, Menace?"


    She turned to the wolf she''d patted, and its eyes popped open like somebody''d just given it a liquid nitrogen enema. Then she turned to me and nodded. "Oh tay."


    I called out to the units clustered behind our dirt wall and moat barricade. "I''ll be right back." Then shifted the menace to my shoulders and scooped Saffron into a princess carry. I stepped back to the Academy''s Ladies'' Infirmary; thankfully Siobhan sat at her desk shuffling some papers around. I lay Saffron on the nearest bed and said, "Sister? I really could use your expertise with Assess Health."


    As she stood smoothly and walked over, Saffron tried to sit up. "Ahm," she slurred, then started over again, "I''m fine. Just a little dizzy."


    I ignored her and turned to Sister Siobhan. "I think she might have a concussion." I cudgeled my memory for what I''d read it meant. "A... brain bruise? I think?"


    Sister Siobhan wove her hands through her little diagnostic prayer, then looked at me, "it seems that she does. Possibly a severe one."


    "Will I fuck anything up if I use a Heal Injury on her?"


    The Sister shook her head. "No, although I would generally recommend a Stabilize first."


    "Time to get down, Menace." Before I could reach for her, she shoved herself backward off my shoulders. I didn''t hear her land, but I figured either Sister Siobhan caught her or she managed to land someplace soft. I fired up the biggest Stabilize I could do quickly, then looked Saffron in the eyes and said, "hold still, this might sting a little, Kitten."


    I hit her with the Stabilize and she arched her back until only her heels and the back of her head touched the bed, screaming, "OH, FU..." Her scream petered out when she passed out, then flopped back to the bed.


    I glared at the Sister. "That didn''t look healthy."


    She shook her head, "you do put rather a lot of Mana into your Stabilize. It won''t kill someone, but it might be a little shocking."


    I nodded, turned around, and Shaped a Heal Injury. I poured Mana into it until it glowed, then lay my hand on Saffron''s head before releasing it. Her eyes popped open, glowing gold for a moment before slowly dimming to her normal deep brown. I leaned over her; her pupils focused normally, as far as I could tell. "You okay, Kitten?"


    She nodded. "I''m a little worried that might have been more than a concussion, but I suspect that much healing would fix anything not immediately fatal."


    I sighed, relieved. "Glad to hear it. What the fuck happened?"


    She chuckled ruefully. "It seems you and I had the same response to seeing Isnomi standing in front of that wolf. The exact same response, in fact. We both tried to Translocate to the same spot at the same time."


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    "Huh. I wonder why I don''t seem to have a concussion?"


    She just grinned up at me. "That seems obvious, really."


    I waited, but eventually broke down and asked, "okay, so what is it?"


    She broke down laughing, but managed to force out, "your head is too hard to break."


    I snorted once, then broke down laughing myself. "Yeah, that tracks." I turned to Sister Siobhan. "Just to be sure, could you and Doctor DeLeon both double check that I didn''t miss anything?"


    The Sister nodded. "Of course, Tabitha." She had what looked like a suppressed booger look on her face.


    "I don''t doubt your ability to Assess; shit, its way better than mine. It''s just... she''s my wife. And, y''know, the Imperator. I want to make double sure."


    The booger look mostly cleared, enough that I couldn''t really see it anymore anyway. "Of course, Tabitha. I''ll hold her here until both of us have examined her and are sure she''s fully healed."


    "Can you keep an eye on the Menace until Marie or Grandma," I stopped when the door opened, Marie pushing her cart through ahead of her. "Never mind. Hey, Marie, can you keep an eye on Menace until Saffron''s on her feet?"


    She nodded and replied, "Yes."


    I turned back to Saffron, bending down to lay a gentle kiss on her forehead. "I want to stay..."


    She shook her head, "but you need to be back with your troops, to make sure they aren''t wolf chow, at any rate."


    "Thanks. I love you, Kitten."


    "I love you too, Goof."


    With that I stepped back to the camp, it turned out that however she''d done it, the wolves hadn''t attacked. Looking out just past the light from our campfires, shadows lurked, moving from tree to tree once in a while, but other than some faint crunching which might just be snow settling, I heard nothing. I walked over to where Lancaster stood, right in the center of our troops. "Hey, Larry. Good news, the menace convinced the wolf pack that we''re not food. Or, y''know, a threat to their territory or something."


    Lancaster just stared at me, disbelief warring with resignation on his face. "Your daughter can talk to wolves."


    I grinned at him. "Looks that way."


    He facepalmed, but I saw resignation wipe the disbelief from his face. "Of course she can." He raised his voice and barked out, "back to camp. Apparently our little mascot has convinced the wolves not to attack us tonight." A little quieter, but loud enough for me to hear, he motioned one of the Sergeants closer and said, "double watches tonight anyhow. Just in case."


    I nodded. "Probably a good idea. Thanks, Larry."


    He just nodded, said, "Commander," and walked back toward his units.


    No change on the dreaming front. Apparently Mimic likes moss?


    The following day, the wolves lurked just within sight, at least some of them. I watched while the soldiers broke camp, and every direction I looked, I saw at least one sitting, laying down, or slowly padding across the snow. From his position in front, Lancaster shrugged his shoulder in an exaggerated ''what do we do now'' gesture. I replied by making a ''move out'' gesture by waving my hand in a circle once then pointing toward our line of travel. He nodded and his units moved out to start breaking trail.


    The wolves shadowed us all day long. At lunch, a few of them actually came up close enough to whine at us as we ate, so I pulled one of the wrapped bundles from my backpack, undid the folds that held it shut, and underhanded it to the nearest wolves from the edge of our rest stop. One of them picked it up and carried it back under the trees. That started a small wave of wolves coming up and whining, and each unit tossing them a few wrapped bundles. At a guess we forked over around fifty bundles. I didn''t hear any fighting past the tree line, and none of our soldiers got bit, so I figured that if they were polite enough to ask, it kind of behooved us to share what we had. Better that than becoming wolf chow.


    When we headed out after lunch, the wolves kept pace with us again, shadowing us from just beyond the tree line. While we didn''t see any wild game, nobody got attacked by wandering predators either, so on the whole I''d call it a good day.


    At the end of the day, as we set up camp, Lancaster came back to talk with me. "Shall we feed them again tonight?"


    I shrugged. "Seems like a better idea than fighting them if we can avoid it."


    That got a weird look on his face, like he felt some kinda way about what I''d said, but didn''t want it to show. "I am concerned, however."


    "Why?"


    He shook his head as if arguing with himself before saying, "this is a big pack; big enough that they felt confident enough to try to scare us out of their territory. But even a pack this big should be out of that territory by now."


    "Okay, so they''re going a little above and beyond. Why''s that a problem?"


    "There''s still no game."


    I sucked at my teeth a second. "Ouch. Hadn''t thought of that. You think we should keep double watches out?"


    He sighed, but replied, "yes, ma''am, I do."


    I tugged at the bottom of my jacket and said, "make it so." He saluted and walked off with not even a suggestion of amusement. Worst part about being Isekai''d? Nobody gets your funny references.


    Saffron and Isnomi came around again after dinner. She greeted me with a kiss, then leaned back with her arms around my neck. "Thank you, Goof. I wasn''t tracking very well last night. From what Doctor DeLeon tells me, you saved me from death. Or possibly even worse, idiocy."


    I smiled down at her, "idiocy is worse than death?"


    She shrugged. "If I die, my soul goes to my Goddess. If I get brain damage and no one can heal it, I''m useless."


    I shook my head. "Not to me. Never to me, love. For better or worse, I''ll always love you."


    She smiled up at me. "I know that, Goof. Just like I know that if I die, I''ll see you on the other side."


    I didn''t really have a response to that, so I just kissed her until it left us both breathless. When we came up for air, Saffron looked around, a little puzzled and a little concerned. "Where''s Isnomi?"


    An awful suspicion gripped me, so I took Saffron''s hand and led her to the edge of camp. Where we were greeted by the sight of the big wolf from the day before, running as fast as it could in loops around the camp, with Isnomi clinging to its back and squealing with glee.


    I barked out a laugh, and Saffron looked up at me. "You''re far more sanguine about this than I am, it seems."


    "Nope. Just remembering The Mother''s Curse."


    She gave me a look and drew back a little. "What''s that again?"


    "I hope when you have kids, you have one just like you."

 Day One Hundred And Ninety-Two

    Dear Diary,


    My old ROTC Sergeant told me being in the military is days of mind-numbing boredom broken up by minutes of pants-shitting terror. They never mentioned terrifying boredom. Then again, I think they were trying to sell us on it, what with living in Camden pretty much being exactly the same thing. The mind-numbing and pants-shitting, at least. Terrifying boredom? Not so much.


    So after Isnomi got tired of riding her wolf friend around, or more accurately after the poor bastard got too tired to sprint in circles with her on his back any more, she walked him over to us, dismounted, and climbed up Saffron like a cat going up a cat tree. Little menace is part monkey or something, I swear, the way she climbs. The poor wolf just lay there panting. I took pity on him and gave him a whole ration from my backpack. He didn''t eat it right away, just lay there panting with a little hint of whine to it.


    I took Isnomi from Saffron, held her in front of me to look her straight in the eye and said, "Menace, I think you pushed your new friend a little too far." She looked at me with nothing but confusion in her eyes. "Did you want to hurt your new friend?"


    Her eyes got wide. "No!"


    Despite wanting to pull her close and cuddle her, I realized I needed to drive this home a little. I turned so she could see him without craning her head too far and said, "look at him. He''s so tired he can''t even eat. I know you were having fun. Maybe he was too at first, but I think you pushed it a little too far, don''t you?"


    Her lip stuck out and her eyes watered. "Yah."


    "Okay. Go tell your wolf friend you''re sorry, and maybe help him get some food in him without puking. You gotta be gentle with friends, Menace." She nodded, and when I set her on the ground she toddled over to the wolf and snuggled up to him before pulling open the package from Drivers'' and hand feeding him.


    Saffron shook her head. "Not yet a year old and we already have to tell her to watch her strength. Not since the tales of Heracles have I heard of such a thing. I shudder to think what she''ll be like when she''s grown."


    I pulled her close to me and whispered into her hair, "she''s a Mor, Kitten. She''s not a Demi-God, like Heracles." I pulled away from her just a bit as I realized something. "Was Heracles even a Demigod before he completed his labors?"


    She shook her head. "None of Zeus'' bastards are born Deific. I think if they were, Hera would have an even bigger tantrum than she does with the mortal ones."


    I pulled her close again, murmuring into her hair, "so he was just a mortal with some divine blood. Our eleven-month-old is a Primordial."


    When I said that, she tensed, shuddered a bit, then melted against me. Speaking into my chest she said, "I''d really forgotten that. Like my brain doesn''t want to hang onto the information. Possibly because it''s absolutely terrifying." She took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and put her arms around me. "I''d also forgotten, loving an incarnation of terror means I''ll occasionally be terrified."


    "Regrets?"


    She pulled back far enough to smile up at me, "not a damn one."


    With that she guided me over to a convenient log, sat me down, and rummaged through my pack for another bundled up ration pack. She fed it to me one bite at a time. The last bite, a tiny bit of roll, was my favorite, because she held it in her teeth and made me come get it. A bit of necking ensued, which lasted until Isnomi crawled up and sat on my lap, giggling as she watched us. You''d think that would be some kind of ice water, but its not like we were doing more than kissing. Okay, one of my hands was definitely seeing how far I could scrunch up the back of her skirt before she stopped me, but that was more affectionate trolling than, y''know, actual sex.


    When we stopped to take a breath, she let go of me, lifted Isnomi up, and sat down in my lap. "I think someone is jealous."


    I looked down at Isnomi and said, "no need to get jealous about it, Menace. We can share."


    Saffron shuddered. "I am feeling more and more like a piece of meat with two carnivores staring at me."


    "Aw, c''mon, Kitten. You''re not just any cut of meat. You''re one of those stupid-pricey filets you can only get at a steakhouse. Right Menace?"


    "Yah!"


    "Not helping!" she yelped as the menace glomped onto her and started gumming her shoulder.


    At that point I had no other alternative; I went for the weak spot and ran my fingers along her side under her arm; she squirmed and giggled too hard to speak. "Does that help at all?"


    Of course Isnomi realized what I was doing and started in on her other side. I kept one arm around Saffron. To keep her from falling off my lap. Totally not to keep her from getting away while we tickled her. Eventually, when she gasped for air not unlike the wolf had done earlier, I caught Isnomi''s hands and said, "okay, Menace. Enough. We want to make Mom laugh, not suffocate her, right?"


    She looked up at me with big eyes and said, "Rye." Then she put her arms around Saffron and said, "Sowy Ma."


    Saffron caught her breath enough to lay the side of her head on the top of Isnomi''s and say, "it''s okay, my girl. You stopped when Momma said. I''m not hurt, just a little out of breath." Then she turned to me, stretched to kiss me on the chin, then scrunched down so she could lay her head on my chest. "Thank you, Goof. I think I needed to laugh."


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    "De nada, Kitten. Can you stay a little longer?"


    She sighed, then said, "you know what? There''s nothing pressing at the moment, so I''ll stay until it''s time for Isnomi to go to bed."


    I didn''t bother asking when that would be. I wanted her to stay as long as she could, but I didn''t want to push her to stay longer. We sat there, murmuring to one another about nothing much at all, while Isnomi made little wise-sounding hums every now and then. When tiny snores drifted up from Saffron''s lap, I leaned down to kiss her. When she pulled away, she said, "until tomorrow, my Goof."


    "I''ll be waiting, Kitten."


    She stood up, careful not to jostle Isnomi awake, and then she was gone.


    No change in my dreams. More Mimic likes moss, I guess.


    Lancaster came to see me as the troops were breaking camp. He walked up and, without preamble, said, "Commander, we need to talk in private for a moment."


    I reached out and laid a hand on his shoulder, then stepped to the tree line. A couple wolves startled, but nothing other than that. I felt a bit of fatigue from pulling him along, but no pain, which was nice. "Okay, what''s up?"


    "We should be getting to the first farmsteads by late tomorrow. At that point we''ll be able to restock our provisions."


    "Great. I don''t think you pulled me aside for that, though."


    He smiled wryly. "No, I did not. At this point we should be seeing some evidence of traffic on the road. We''ve passed a number of side-trails that lead out to isolated cabins. Trappers, hunters. Woodsmen, most isolated, but a few with families."


    I looked around, "it''s pretty snowy out still." I hadn''t really thought about it, but a gentle snowfall; not enough to ruin visibility, but enough to pile up, had been our constant companion pretty much since we''d left Phileo.


    He shook his head. "That might keep some of the family men home, but the singletons wouldn''t let something like snow stop them. There''s always at least one or two on the road. I''m not certain, but I almost suspect they each deliberately travel at a different time to the others, almost like they''ve organized a schedule."


    That got me curious. "Why?"


    He shrugged. "As I said, I''m not certain, but if two of them are trying to sell their hides and such at the same time in the same place, the buyers can use them against each other."


    I let out a low chuckle. "Never assume somebody''s dumb just because they''re a hick, I guess."


    He nodded. "Be that as it may, we should have seen at least one. Likely us overtaking them, since they''d have to break trail themselves. At worst we should have seen some evidence of them on the road ahead of us."


    I thought about that for a minute, with Lancaster waiting patiently for my response. Didn''t quite know what to make of that, but if he was gonna treat me like the Commander of the Expedition like he kept calling me, the least I could do was to try to think like one.


    "Okay, so our biggest local threats, in order of dangerousness, would be a Dragon, a drake, a wyvern, or a big-assed bear, right?"


    He nodded, but said, "I doubt a bear, no matter how large, could or would disturb a pack this size, nor threaten all of the local trappers at once."


    I muttered, "heh. Cocaine Bear," then shook my head and said, "so our threats are flying lizards. Is it better to face them in the trees or out of them?"


    He looked a little conflicted when he answered. "Normally I would say in the trees, since that way their movement is impeded. But with our new bows, being in the trees would cut down our range advantage enormously."


    I thought about it for a bit, then asked, "if we face them in the trees, we''re going to lose people, yes?"


    He nodded. "Most likely. We''ll lose some in the open unless we get lucky enough to kill it before it closes though."


    "Okay. We''ll roll the dice on getting lucky, because I don''t see a ''getting lucky'' option in the trees. You know the road well enough; if something gets close, we double time it to the nearest clear area."


    He nodded. "Understood, Commander. Should I wait for your signal, or...?"


    I shook my head. "Tell the other Cadets. if anybody catches wind of anything incoming, they sing out, and all the other Cadets pass it along. Units stick together; if somebody falls, carry them until they''re back on their feet. If a unit gets overrun, form up, hedgehog style. The road''s wide enough for two units to do that."


    His ''talking to the Commander'' mask fell away for a moment, replaced by a good old fashioned, ''what the fuck, Diaz?'' look. "Hedgehog?"


    "Shit, I don''t know what it''s called. You know the shield wall thing we trained the units on? For dealing with incoming volleys or enemy charges? The one where the front is nothing but shields and spears?"


    He nodded, "yes. The term is ''phalanx''."


    "Okay, like that, except in a ring, so every approach including the top is shielded and pokey."


    He blinked. "That''s... how do you think of things like that?" For once something of the old Larry showed through, but it was different somehow. "I understand you have a gift for melee combat. Well, having seen you shoot, I should say all forms of combat. But the rest..." His plaintive rant trailed off, but I sensed he had more to say. "The new Spells, knowing how best to combat a Plague, now military formations. Just... how? Are you secretly smarter than your wife, but put on your idiot act to lull everyone into a sense of safety?"


    I shook my head. "Nah, I''m just as much of an idiot as it seems. For the rest? Maybe I''ll tell you someday. Maybe. But for now?"


    He nodded, his ''Lenny Lancaster, professional General'' mask slipping back into place. "Yes, Commander?"


    I wiped all sense of humor from my face and said, "my family, my friends, my classmates, my City," I shrugged and added, "my Alliance, now, I guess. Anything that threatens any of them? I will fuck it up beyond all recognition if there is any way I possibly can. Can you work with that?"


    He blinked a little. "Classmates?"


    I shot him a crooked grin. "Yeah, Larry. Even you. Despite how much you''ve pissed me off in the past, I told you that day in Doc DeLeon''s class; you stop acting like such an entitled ass, I have no problem with you. And it seems like I''m the kind of woman who helps people around her out." I paused a moment, biting back what I''d been about to say. "You good with that? At least for now?"


    He nodded. "Yes, Ma''am. If you''ve nothing else, I''ll go tell the other Cadets."


    "Here," I put a hand on his shoulder and stepped us to Angel''s units'' bivouac. "I''ll give you a head start." I stepped back to my own units before muttering what I stopped myself from saying to him. "How the hell did I wind up Team Mom?"


    As we finished up breaking camp and waited for the other units to move, I sidled over to the Sergeants, waving them to stand side-by-side with me for the first bit. "Just to let you know, if we spot something bigger or scarier than a bear, the plan is to high-tail it for the next defensible location Cadet Lancaster knows of." They both nodded their understanding, and I drifted back out to my place on their flank. As we moved out, I saw the wolves around us moving as well, shadowing us like they had previously.


    If you''ve never spent an entire day with your head on a swivel, jumping at every goddamn noise, twitching every time you saw a fuckin'' bird?


    Yeah, terrifying boredom. That shit sucks.

 Day One Hundred And Ninety-Three

    Dear Diary,


    It never rains but it pours. That always seemed a little weird to me. I get it now.


    So after a day with my head on a swivel, expecting to see Fafnir jumping out from behind a tree or some shit, I was kinda worked up by the time we broke to make camp.


    Kitten? You there?


    I was just about to head to you.


    Yeah, about that, I''m really not feeling sanguine about Isnomi being here tonight.


    What about me?


    That got me right in the gut. Yeah, if it were up to me? I''d be snuggled up to you right now, but that means either putting my wife and the Imperator in the line of fire for no good reason, or me leaving the troops here alone with no way for them to contact me.


    Shit.


    Yeah. Don''t we ever get, y''know, a vacation where some part of the world we''re responsible for isn''t falling to shit?


    I got the impression of a longsuffering sigh, albeit not one aimed at me. That''s why we get the exalted titles and all you can eat Dining Hall.


    Curses. Foiled again by my own appetite.


    Your appetite is the only thing I could ever imagine stopping you. Love you, Goof. Stay safe.


    Never have, never will. Love you too, Kitten.


    With that she was gone, no doubt dealing with Isnomi''s latest wild assed antics.


    I swore, if some scaly lizard did jump us, I''d take out my frustration at missed antics on its hide.


    No change in dreamland. No idea why the fuck Mimic finds moss so entertaining. She''s like a two month old on one of those play mats or something.


    The next morning, we broke camp fast and hit the road in the dim light of false dawn. Wolves shadowed us all morning. When we paused to break for lunch, no sooner had we sat our asses down for a break than howling filled the air. The big wolf Isnomi''d been riding on came up behind us, growling, barking, and snapping, while the shadows in the woods to either side were melting slowly forward, howling the whole way.


    I may be multiple kinds of slow sometimes, but somehow the big wolf managed to land a clue in my noggin. "Oh, shit. Move! Move! Move! Double time forward! Incoming!"


    Apparently Lancaster had the same conclusion I did, because long before the Cadet to Cadet chain could have reached him, he had his units back breaking trail, only now they weren''t slowing down to make sure they left a reasonable trail, they were straight up running for all they were worth in snow that varied from ankle deep to mid-thigh. With everyone moving, I brought up the rear, the big wolf right next to me. The moment we''d gotten ourselves back in motion, the snapping and barking stopped, but I still heard a low growl rumbling out of him interspersed with occasional muted whines.


    "Yeah, I''m not feeling real great about bringing up the rear either." As I spoke I spun to check behind us before turning back and jogging forward. The whole lot of nothing I saw behind us didn''t make me feel any better.


    I don''t know how long we ran, but every few minutes Lancaster had the lead group step to the side and let the next group plow the way for a while. At least I think it was every few minutes. It might have been every time someone in the lead group fell over and couldn''t get right back up. I was not thrilled about our rear guard being the most exhausted, but nobody really had to run to keep up with the guys breaking trail anyhow. I noticed pretty quick that the way we''d been rotating had each successive group a little fresher than the last, so by the time my original group made it to the front of our column the second time, the sun was nearing the horizon. This time of year that meant maybe four o''clock, which meant we''d been at this for hours, and the troops were showing it.


    Of course, I could see the sun nearing the horizon, because ahead of us I saw the first evidence of lack-of-forest. I couldn''t be sure if it was a farmer''s field or a meadow or something, because no matter what else it was, it was covered in snow. As Lancaster turned his first troops to form up on the field, and the rest of our column streamed to the sides, I stepped next to him and said, "get everyone into a single hedgehog, let the wolves in if they want."


    I turned to step back to tail my unit and saw a huge winged something dive down and grab the big wolf. "Not on my watch, scaly!" I stepped to the wolf, grabbing him around the torso, then stepped back to Lancaster, setting the wolf down gently. "He took a hit for one of us."


    I stepped back to play rearguard again, Mana Blades extending from my arms as I did my best spinning shuffle, trying to spot the damn thing in the darkening sky.


    That was almost it for your girl Tabitha, because I''d been wrong about something. I saw another thing stooping to come at me, looking like a huge, scaly bird the size of a horse. I set myself to slash at it just before it hit.


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    I don''t know how or why I glanced to my left. Could have been a noise I hadn''t consciously heard, might have been a moving shadow. Whatever it was, I had just enough time to get my crossed Mana Blades in front of me before its claws slashed at me. When the claws hit my Blades, it shrieked and flinched, the buffeting from its passage knocking me down. Something seemed off, but I had too much to do sprouting Mana Blades from my knees, feet, and shoulders before the second one tried to scoop me up. Unlike its partner, this one managed to shred my pants, its claws hooking into the tough fabric of my jacket. It screamed as my Mana Blades bit into it, but I sure as fuck felt some kinda way when I realized that not only had it hooked my jacket too thoroughly to let go of me, the points where my Mana Blades slid across it remained persistently un-Mana Bladed.


    I mean, yeah, it had some really obvious burns, and one of its claws ended in a smoking, absolutely flat nub, but the ones poking into the muscle above that? When I writhed trying to get loose, incidentally dragging the Mana Blades on my knees right through its thighs, while the scales of its mottled gray hide burned away, it had a layer of something underneath that which didn''t do more than smoke a little, obnoxiously unsevered. I was still glad I looked to see that effect, although I was less pleased that managed to piss the thing off enough to swing its wickedly barbed tail at me like some kind of stinger. I managed to twist and get my Blades in the way, as they seemed to at least make this fucking overgrown iguana feel some pain. Nothing so far made me happier than seeing that nasty barbed whatever it was slice clean off when I scissored my blades through it.


    Way below me I heard a distinctly punchable voice shouting, "Cadets, ready Fire Bolts. Crossbows, third rank, FIRE!" I really hoped that they were shooting at a different lizard than my current ride, because I for one didn''t want to go skydiving without a parachute.


    Now, you might be asking, ''why didn''t you just Translocate away?'' First of all, I was hurt, pissed off, and possibly not thinking clearly. Second, I''d never really tested whether I kept my momentum if I Translocated while falling, and while heights didn''t bother me. Much. The sudden stop at the end sure as hell did. Third, while I''m not a terrible shot, my best place was right up in the enemy''s face. Okay, belly. Shit, given how it had me dangling almost behind it, I was face first in its scaly fuckin'' cloaca.


    Which, given what I''d noticed about its claws and stinger not being Mana Blade resistant, gave me an idea. I looked for an opening between its legs and, when I found it, punched it hard enough to force my hand into the opening. That made an impression, as the thing kept trying to twist its neck around to bite at me, but didn''t seem to be able to do so easily without its whole ''flying'' thing turn to ''plummeting''. That didn''t prevent it from trying, and the only thing that saved me from losing my left hand at the wrist was me turning my hand into an absolute pincushion of eight-inch Mana Blades. It still managed to savage my jacket sleeve, and something in my arm went crack, and pain shot up my arm.


    Fortunately, I''d had plenty of practice ignoring my left arm''s whining about ''oh, I''m bleeding'', ''oh, that burns like acid'', or ''oh, I''m broken''. Still, I wasn''t really much happier about my arm being savaged than it was about biting down hard on the mother of all nacho corners. My fist still rammed up its posterior all-purpose hole, I screamed out, "In the words of Randy Quaid, UP YOURS!" I pushed the biggest Mana Blade I''d ever created out of my hand, and the scaly bastard''s shriek cut off when that Mana blade forced its way out the thing''s eyes, nostrils, and mouth.


    I may have mentioned the whole ''oh, god, pain'', as well as alluding to ''pissed off'', with a definite super-sized dose of ''not thinking clearly''. My moment of triumphant, angry screaming ended as along with all the other bullshit signals my body was sending me, I got the distinct ''inner ear sending fuck you signals to the brain'' feeling of freefall. Adrenaline''s a hell of a drug, and it didn''t take me longer than a second to parse out the ''fall'' part of that. I twisted my head around to see something big and round coming toward me really fast. I tried to get my hand out of the dead fuckin'' lizard''s money maker, but apparently I''d set off every ''clutch all the muscles tight'' in the fucking thing.


    The moment before I pancaked into what I really hoped was a big snowdrift, it exploded underneath me. Instead of slamming into the frozen ground under the snow, I hammered into something with the consistency of soft foam rubber.


    Then the fucking scaly bastard hit me, and both of us slid sideways off of the Air Shield some Cadet had miraculously dropped directly under my fall.


    Of course we slid in opposite directions, and nothing about the impact unclenched my scaly antagonist''s sphincter. At this point I was just glad it didn''t have teeth down there. For the next couple seconds I curled up as much as I could and just tried to survive the worst theme park ride ever. Finally, the tumbling corpse rammed into a tree, thankfully with me on the far side of it at that moment. A few seconds later, somebody grabbed my jacket and the claws tangled in it and heaved; I came loose with a fabric tearing sound. When they tried to pick me up, my one flight stand just would not stop with the clingy shit, and I''m pretty sure that had I been the Tabitha I''d been back in Camden, one of my joints would have fucked off, leaving me with half an arm. Instead, whoever it was dragged me and my corpse bride about five feet before staggering to a stop.


    "Just get me to my feet!" I shouted. My savior complied, lifting me under the shoulders, incidentally lifting the tail of the fucker with me. I looked at Angel, because who else could lift a fuckin'' dragon by accident, grabbed her by the lapel, and stepped to Lancaster''s side. Nobody was shouting or shooting, the only noise being the panting of people who''d just run a marathon steeplechase then fought a brief but intense battle, and a noise outside the formation. When I looked that way, it turned out to be a literal dog pile atop one of the dragons, which flailed a bit, but couldn''t get airborne or get away from the pack that had apparently decided on eating it alive or some shit. I turned to Lancaster. "SitRep? Any more dragons?"


    He took a deep breath, blew it out, and calmly said, "those weren''t Dragons. Those were wyverns. Two legs, two wings. Drakes and Dragons have four and two. Four of them. We killed all four; yours, one by wolf, one by massed Fire Bolts and a poor landing, and one by massed crossbow fire."


    I thought about doing an Assess Health on myself, couldn''t figure out how to do it with my little eye-Assess, and just hit myself with a Heal Injury. No extra Mana, because I wasn''t feeling up to pulling that much, so it didn''t so much heal everything as scab stuff over, but I''d fuckin'' deal. Of course right then I caught the absolute lack of noise other than the sound of wind on canvas. I looked at Lancaster and said, "so if we killed all four, why do you look like somebody just put a whole string of beads up your ass and then shouted, ''beyblade, let it rip!''?"


    As the sun dipped under the horizon, Lancaster channeled the spirit of his father''s rectal pole to stand ramrod straight, point over my shoulder, and say, "because that is a Dragon."

 Day One Hundred And Ninety-Four

    Dear Diary,


    Sometimes I cannot believe how much of a dumbass I am.


    So, no shit, there I was, barely closed wounds from taking a wyvern on in midair, followed by forgetting I can''t fly when I killed it, and Lancaster points over my shoulder and says, "that''s a Dragon."


    Now, the wyverns we''d fought were about the size of a horse, but a lot of that was wing. They reminded me a little of pictures of Pteranodons I''d seen on the internet, but with a wicked barbed stinger at the end of their tail. When the fucker picked me up I mentally classified it as ''dragon'', because, y''know, big, scaly, wings.


    When Lancaster made his announcement in that ''I have only avoided shitting myself because my sphincter can crush coal into diamonds'' voice, I heaved a sigh, said, "I''m gonna regret this," and turned around.


    So, definitely four legs and two wings. The front legs weren''t, like, skinny tyrannosaur arms either, but big heavily muscled things that only looked small in comparison to its back legs. Apparently Dragons don''t skip leg day, because I swear to fuckin'' god his thighs were as big around as his torso.


    They absolutely are. Typical for an Ice Dragon. Be warned, they are highly magic resistant; moreso than their lesser kin.


    Thanks, Boss. Any tips on how to beat it?


    Their scales are generally an inch thick, and as hard as metal. If it''s lost one, the skin underneath is leathery, but beyond being Mana resistant, half inch thick leather, it has no special resistance to physical harm. If all its scales are intact, its only weak points are its eyes, its mouth, its nostrils, and as you so brilliantly discovered, its cloaca, although as you also discovered the muscles there are on the strong side. its wings are mostly just leather, although again they''re Mana resistant. Just to clarify, Ice Dragons are the most Mana resistant of all the Dragon bloodlines.


    Great. How would you fight this thing?


    One that size? I wouldn''t. I''d wait until it went into hibernation and then kill it in its sleep.


    Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    The thing''s torso reminded me of a big hunting cat. Lean looking, until you got a sense of scale, which was a little hard to do with it hovering there in the air. Okay, I think the term is ''sculling'', because every flap of its wings thrust it far enough up that it fell back to its starting position when it paused to take another flap. Big, big, big fuckin'' wings, too. Each of them had to be at least twice as long as its body. Its head, which reminded me uncomfortably of a crocodile, was mostly jaw and teeth. The biggest difference was that its braincase was way bigger than a croc''s, and its eyes were definitely ''forward facing''.


    Staring right at me, now that you mention it.


    Then it gave me a sense of scale by landing next to the wyvern I''d killed. Well, not ''next to'' in the normal sense. More like a car can park ''next to'' a kid''s tricycle. Almost delicately, it put one claw into the wyvern''s hindquarters, then slid sideways so the corpse lay between the Dragon and our formation. Might I remind you about the tree that the wyvern and I rammed into? Yeah, this big scaly bastard just kinda shouldered it out of the way before leaning down and, still staring at me, tore the wyvern in half, tossed the front half up, then swallowed it whole.


    Without turning to look at him, I said, "hey Larry? What''s the over-under on that thing chasing us if we all back away slowly?"


    "Given our run to put us in the field, most of our force likely can''t move faster than ''slowly'', but between the casualties from fighting the wyverns and our general exhaustion, I suspect rather than ''backing away slowly'', we would in fact be ''limping away at a crawl''. Which will no doubt encourage the beast to follow us and eat its fill."


    For the first time since the wyvern fight started, I took a moment to glance around our formation. Without turning my head, I saw about a dozen Volunteers lying, sitting, or crouching in the middle of the formation. One red jacket stood out; Bonita lay in the middle of the group, her shoulders propped up on a Volunteer''s lap, her crossbow held in her left hand, her right sleeve hanging limp from the elbow down. "Shit. Fuck. Dammit. Do you see any gaps in that thing''s scales?"


    "Not that I have seen."


    Once the bulge of swallowed wyvern disappeared down into its belly, the Dragon reared back, spreading its wings like it felt like it needed to look bigger. "Holy shit, I think we''ve finally found somebody with bigger insecurities than you, Larry." Before he could reply, it roared, and brought its head towards us as it did.


    Larry screamed, "shields!" I spun and crouched, since my shield still hung on my back. Ice pelted the back of my calves and my hands, where I''d wrapped them around the back of my head. The sound reminded me of nothing so much as a hailstorm; thousands of tiny hard bits of ice splattering off of our shields. Some of the casualties screamed; I was sure I heard Bonnie''s voice among them. Every spot where the ice hit my hands got so cold it hurt, not to mention the pinprick pain of bits of ice penetrating my skin.


    I saw Lancaster doing the same thing I was, only instead of shielding his head with his arms, he''d bowed his head down and just covered the back of his neck with his hands. I shouted, "gotta borrow this, Larry. Be right back," then leapt forward, grabbing his sword and pulling it from his sheath, then stepping behind, above, and to the side of the big scaly bastard. I fell just long enough to shift the sword into a two-handed reverse grip, stabbing the sword into the leathery wing just below the bone, my weight dragging me down about halfway before I slowed to a stop.


    That got its attention, not to mention shutting down its aggressive halitosis. Fortunately, its own wing got between me and it. Unfortunately, when it lifted the wing to look behind itself, it jostled me loose and tossed me in the air. For one brief moment I got the point of view of a piece of meat thrown to a dog as it tried to snap me out of the air with a mouth big enough to swallow me whole. I stepped up and to the side, falling down towards its other wing. Pain shot through my shoulders and all my cuts reopened when I slammed into its wing, but this time I sliced all the way through.


    Unfortunately, my plan for my Errol Flynn swashbuckling maneuver to ground this big fucker ended with ''slash through its wing'', and forgot entirely about ''fall to the ground'', because the bottom edge of its wing had to be at least fifty feet off the ground. As I fell, Lancaster shouted, "loose!" and a chorus of thrums filled the air, the crackling roar of Fire Bolts following it. Twenty-five dozen bolts fired at something the size of a air liner, and nearly a dozen Fire Bolts slammed into it at the same time. Right before I hit the snow bank, praying it was deep enough to break my fall without breaking me, I got a good look at the damage.


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    Its wings had dozens of bolts sticking out of them, with more rips and tears showing where bolts had punched through or otherwise fucked up its ability to fly. Its chest had a smattering of black soot marks across it, but no sign of any of the scales breaking. I covered my head as I hit the snow, and for once luck was with me, as I plunged into the snowbank, never hitting anything that felt like ''ground''.


    The snowbank shook, and without looking I Translocated above the thing again. Something hurt, but I couldn''t tell if it was my Translocation muscles yelling at me or my body getting pissed because hitting a snowbank after a fifty foot fall made it survivable, not pleasant. Another wave of bolts tore at the thing, and this time I got to see them straight up bouncing off the armored scales of the big ugly bastard. One of the ricochets barely missed me, but I wasn''t about to tell them to stop firing. On the other hand, they weren''t really doing much to it shooting at its center of mass.


    I screamed out, "eyes and mouth!" then Translocated as its maw rushed toward me again. I went for the only place I could think of that it wouldn''t be able to gobble me up immediately; right on top of its head. One hand still holding Lancaster''s sword in an overhand grip, I grabbed the only thing I could see that offered something to hold on to; its fucking eyelid. A moment later the Dragon and I both screamed; in my case because a bolt took me in my thigh, in its case because while its other eye snapped shut, the bolts bouncing off of it like steel tipped rain, my weight pulling back on its eyelid slowed it enough that a couple bolts sank all the way into its eyeball.


    It speaks to the size of this fucking thing that its fucking eyelid was enough to yank me forward and down. It squeezed its eye shut, eyeball juice weeping around my hand, and I screamed as my hand felt like I''d stuck it in a garbage compactor. It thrashed back and forth, roaring so loud that my ears ached with the sound. All I could do was hang on and hope my injured hand didn''t slip. It snapped at me, twisting itself around trying to get to me, only failing because its only real joint in its head was the jaw. The fact that this thing''s eyelid was stronger than my arms, and its eyeball was significantly bigger than me just drove home the size disparity between me and it.


    Of course, right about then what had just run through my head hit me, or maybe its flailing knocked some sense into me the way my sister always said she was gonna do.


    MIMIC (Size)!


    I grew, but long before I hit the size of the big beastie my growth stopped. Now I was maybe the size of its eyeball at best. Of course, at that point it added blinking to its thrashing around, and if I was big enough that it couldn''t fling me around with its eyelid any more, I was also heavy enough that my grip slipped, and I went flying through the air. As its mouth rapidly eclipsed everything else in my field of view, I might have panicked just a little bit.


    MIMIC (Defenses)!


    The thing''s jaws closed around me, and I heard a crackling crunch as the teeth at the tip of its muzzle snapped shut on my thighs. I could still feel my legs, which I liked, but it had rammed the crossbow bolt further into my thigh, which I most emphatically did not. It opened its mouth, yanking me upward as apparently my thigh had got caught between its teeth. As it slammed its jaws together again, I grabbed Lancaster''s sword and pointed it straight at the bastard''s tongue. The point of the sword did exactly what you''d expect from a sword crafted with ''money is no object'' as the defining feature. The blade went almost hilt-deep into the thing''s tongue, and I twisted the hilt as hard as I could, trying to make sure it lodged. My legs crackled, and hurt again, but a ''slamming your thighs into the leg machine'' pain, not a ''legs go bye bye'' pain.


    Right about then, in what had to be some kind of Guinness World''s Record for Epic Bad Timing, Saffron thought, So, is tonight any better for Isnomi and I to come see you?


    DRAGON!


    A moment later, it forced its jaw open again; I clung desperately to the hilt of Lancaster''s sword, and my thigh came loose from its teeth, feeling like I''d lost a bunch of skin as it did. I curled my knees under me, clinging to the hilt with every iota of strength. Before it slammed its mouth shut again, a hail of bolts joined me in the Dragon''s mouth. I heard a few sink into the fleshy bits further into its mouth, felt one ricochet off my thigh, and in some kind of freakish coincidence, one flew, as Deadpool put it, straight up main street.


    "Fucking. Ow." I knew nobody could hear me, but that just hurt too bad to shut up about. I mean, I might have been screaming a bit here and there, but that last hit definitely deserved its own quiet exclamation. The big bastard opened its mouth; I braced for it hammering it closed again, but it didn''t.


    Instead it inhaled.


    Air rushed past me at a volume that yanked the loose bolts in its mouth down its throat. I yanked my shield around between me and its craw. Apparently Ice Dragons aren''t blonde, because it gagged and coughed, spitting crossbow bolts out its mouth, including a couple that ricocheted off my ass. I know I''d joked about buns of steel, but I never thought I had an ass that could deflect crossbow bolts. It inhaled again, tipping its head back to the point where I blessed duBois'' training as I had to do a handstand on the hilt of Lancaster''s sword. Then its head came back down and my world became nothing but cyclone winds filled with shards of ice.


    My shield fragmenting under the blast, I heard a single thrum, followed by the Dragon''s head jerking back. The hurricane stopped blasting from its throat, replaced by an ongoing sound that reminded me of nothing so much as a blender chunking up one of those iced drinks like a pina colada or a margarita. Something slammed into my shield, the point poking into my forearm where I had it through the grips. A long moment of freefall later, I lost my grip on the sword as impact slammed me into the side of the Dragon''s mouth. My head spinning, I pushed myself up, shaking the remains of my shield from my arm as I did so, all except the glowing blue bolt that had punctured my jacket sleeve and dangled there looking smug.


    "Nobody likes a fucking showoff, son. Good job." I reached up, braced my foot on the Dragon''s tongue, and twisted Lancaster''s sword out of the thing''s jaw. I winced as the blue glow showed me at least one big nick taken out of the blade; at a guess right about where it had lodged in the thing''s lower jaw. I stumbled towards the opening, turning off my MIMIC (Size) to squeeze through the gap between its teeth. I staggered toward the only light I could see, a blue glow coming from the same direction as some exhausted cheering.


    The next thing I knew, the ground swung up to slap me upside the head. A moment later, a pair of black stiletto elevator boots slid to a stop in front of my eyes. "Are you... okay, obviously you''re not okay. Are," for whatever reason her voice filled with barely suppressed giggles as she said, "you still conscious?"


    "Jury''s still out on that. Ow. Ouch. Fucking hell, my everything hurts."


    She took a deep breath, blew it out, and said, "well. Before we do anything else, I think you''re carrying a few extra bolts you don''t want."


    "Ow. Yeah. Ouch. Fuck."


    She leaned down, pulled Vulcan''s bolt out of my jacket, tearing the sleeve below the elbow off as she did. She wrapped the fabric around the bolt, slid it through my jaw, and said, "bite down on this, It might hurt."


    I think I grunted something coherent, but I''m not sure, because Saffron apparently never heard the ''count to three'' thing. Okay, after she yanked the first bolt out of my thigh and I left bite marks in the fabric, she said, "that''s one." A moment later she pulled another out of my opposite calf, and when I finished grunting out a scream said, "two." I wanted to spit the bolt out and tell her to stop, but before I could she yanked out the one that I''d hoped to forget about. "That''s three."


    When I finished whimpering, I spat out the bolt and croaked out, "sixth. That hole is sixth now. Directly behind any piercings I may get in the future."


    The mint flavored feeling of Heal Injury flowed through me, leaving me gasping. My vision didn''t clear; instead the world spun underneath me as my vision went gray.


    "I''mma pass out now." Then I did.

 Day One Hundred And Ninety-Five

    Dear Diary,


    Life keeps smacking me over the head with how much having people you can trust to watch out for you makes everything better.


    Also, I gotta say the weirdest thing about that is that Larry fuckin'' Lancaster is somehow sliding into my ''circle of trust''. I mean, he''s still the second biggest asshole I''ve ever met, eclipsed in goatse prowess only by his father, but he''s become kind of a reliable asshole. Like, I know he''s going to be a mega-dick about shit to compensate for his micro-penis situation, but he''s going to be a dick in reliable, predictable ways, and now that he''s apparently decided to stop wearing his ass as a ski mask, he''s shown himself to be reasonably competent in the things he''s been trained at.


    So I woke up indoors, lying on a bed. Not even the pitiful excuse for a mattress I''d come to know and love in my Academy cell, either, but an overstuffed full-sized one, with nice sheets and half a dozen blankets over me. it felt so nice I just lay there luxuriating in the warm softness. I''d become so used to Isnomi snuggling up in bed that her presence didn''t really register for a second. When it did, my eyes shot open and I sat bolt upright, looking around the room to figure out where the fuck I was and why my daughter was with me.


    The first thing I noticed was Marie, sitting in a big rocking chair that nonetheless looked three sizes too small for her, doing some kind of crochet thing with some yarn. She wasn''t even doing it at her normal stitch witchery pace, either, just calmly going through the motions of, I dunno, knit one purl two. I don''t know how to sew, let alone knit. I figured if she was calm enough to be doing some random hobby shit, everything was more or less under control.


    The rest of the room pretty much matched the bed. At a guess, it was about twice the size of our cell back at the Academy, although it was a little hard to tell, since instead of being two cells connected together the way the Academy''s luxury suites were, it was a weird rectangle with both dimensions bigger than the Academy cells. The walls were white, although they looked more ''painted'' than ''white rock''. A fireplace took up the wall opposite the bed, and if the single log burning in it didn''t give off much light, the pile of coals it lay in warmed the room up really nice. It took my brain a little bit of processing to realize that one of the things it had pegged as ''wrong'' was being in a room warm enough that my nips didn''t stiffen up enough to cut diamonds. Other than the fireplace, the bed, and the rocking chair, there was another big, sturdy, padded chair sitting in front of a smallish writing desk, with a shelf above that holding half a dozen chunky books. Two walls had closed doors, one in the same wall as the fireplace, right next to the wall with the desk, the other located in the wall across from the desk, near the fireplace wall.


    Also, there was a window in the wall with the desk, although it didn''t look like the sort you could open. The window frame had to be at least six inches thick. Somebody liked chunky walls, apparently. Outside was dim, but not so dark my wireframe vision kicked in. At a guess, maybe false dawn or dusk. I looked to Marie and asked, "how long was I out for?"


    Before Marie could answer, Isnomi popped up and hollered, "momma!" then glomped onto me. After I returned her enthusiastic hug, she pulled back and said, "you swep aww day."


    "I slept all night and through the day?"


    At that point Marie nodded and said, "Yes."


    "Shit. Is everyone else all right?"


    Marie shrugged and said, "Mostly."


    I took a deep breath, then blew it out. "Right. Ah, where are my clothes?" After a quick glance at the menace, I said, "where are her clothes?"


    Marie stood, saying, "Dressroom." and pointing toward the door beside the fireplace. I pushed out of bed, scooping up the menace, and followed her over to the door. The room on the far side was nearly as big as the bedroom, but instead of a bed and a desk, it had one wall covered by a trio of armoires, a sewing table with another padded chair, a few dressing dummies, and a way uncomfortable looking stool. My uniform lay folded up on the sewing table, as did Isnomi''s. Okay, our boots sat maybe a foot away from the brick section of the wall, which radiated heat. Made sense, since that was the back of the fireplace in the bedroom.


    I set Isnomi on the dressing table, nodded toward her and said, "Marie, if you could, please?" Before she could do anything, the menace jumped over to stand on the stool; it rocked alarmingly, but she managed to right it without crouching or using anything but her feet.


    "Tadah!"


    I rolled my eyes at her. "Very impressive. Now, if you''re done with the acrobatics, can you let Marie dress you please?"


    She blew a raspberry at me, but held still long enough for Marie to get her uniform on. While Marie did that, I got myself dressed, although when I finished Isnomi waved me over. When I reached to pick her up she batted my hands away and set about ''fixing'' my collar. Okay, she really did fix the back of it. I can never quite get it just right. It''s behind my head, after all.


    Before anybody says anything about, ''why not Co-Locate and fix your own collar'', that seems a little, I dunno, weird. Like next you''d expect me to Co-Locate when I''m horny or something...


    Shit. Saffron and I had both done that already. Never mind. I''m just a dumbass sometimes, okay?


    Anyway, Isnomi fixed my collar, and Marie fixed the back of my shirt so my shirt was tucked into my slacks and the tails of my jacket weren''t. With all of us properly dressed, I asked Marie, "where is everyone else?"


    She replied, "Downstairs."


    I scooped up Isnomi, but she wiggled until I set her down, at which point she reached up to take my hand. I turned to Marie again, only to see her smiling at Isnomi''s antics. I said, "lead on."


    She led us back to the bedroom, then out the door to a balcony hallway, with doors on the left and a railing to the right that led into a big room with a big table through the middle of it. My shoulders let go of tension I hadn''t realized I had when I saw the rest of the Cadets sitting around the table chowing down. Bill was the first to notice me; he swallowed and hollered, "the slumbering Hero wakes at last!"


    Before I could respond, Isnomi dashed forward, yanking me along the balcony to a set of stairs that switched back and ran down to the first floor. I followed, smiling at the urgency with which she towed me along, then pushed me to a big chair at one end of the table. I sat, and as she jumped up to sit on my knee I saw Lancaster had taken the chair at the far end of the table. He nodded, finished chewing whatever he''d been eating, then in a voice that carried over the general merrymaking at the table without being, y''know, a shout, said, "Commander. It''s good to see you up and about again."


    I''d done a quick headcount on the way down, and all nine of my Cadets were at the table, four to each side and Lancaster, as noted, opposite me. "It''s good to be back. Can''t think why I slept so long."


    I managed not to laugh when he got the same ''rectal kumquat'' look his father had gotten when he had to apologize to the High Priestess of Mimic. The rest of the table fell into variations of ''lost their shit laughing'', though Lancaster, miracle of miracles, didn''t look too put out by it. "Ma''am, you killed a wyvern in single airborne combat, a reasonably impressive accomplishment for a Hero, let alone a Cadet, then you jumped directly from that into melee combat with a full grown Ice Dragon and," his voice went from ''indignant'' to ''barely controlled'' as he finished, "after it ate you, you walked out of its mouth looking more annoyed than, you know, dead. Needing to sleep the clock ''round to fully recover from what should have killed you several times over? I think that''s completely reasonable."


    I blinked. "Wait. Was that a compliment?"


    He snorted. "Just stating facts, Commander. Take it as you will."


    I shook my head and chuckled a little. "I mean, it didn''t really eat me. Just chewed on me a little, thanks to..." I trailed off, wincing. "Yeah, I''m sorry, I think I put some really ugly dings in your sword. Hell of a way to thank you for using it to keep me from being swallowed by an overgrown flying lizard."


    At that he snorted, then managed to hold his poker face for like two whole seconds before he broke down laughing at least as loud as the rest of the table. One by one the rest of the table fell silent, staring at him, as he kept laughing for a good minute, pounding at the table with the side of his fist. As his laughter finally petered out, he slapped the table with his palm, looked up at me, and said, "Diaz, I actually have to thank you for that. It''s a Lancaster tradition to name our blades after our first great victory. Imagine the look on Lachlan''s face when he finds out that not only was my sword named first, its name is Dragonslayer."


    I smiled tentatively back at him. "Well. Glad to help you out there. So, it''s fixable?"


    He shrugged. "It needs to see a competent smith. It might even need to be re-forged entirely, I''m not sure. But given that name? I''m sure father won''t begrudge me the cost." Weird, seeing a smile on Larry''s face that had so little to do with bullying somebody somehow. Okay, maybe he was doing a little sibling rivalry thing with Lachlan, but given that he''s basically playing Danny DeVito to Lachlan''s Arnie, I wasn''t about to begrudge him that.


    I took a deep breath, pushed away the spoon Isnomi was trying to feed me with a gentle, "in a minute, Menace, Momma needs to do a little work first." When she set it carefully down on my plate, an actual real plate, mind you, with real-ish silverware besides, I said, "Okay. First things first. Casualties."


    Larry''s face didn''t even get that much grimmer than it had been, which calmed my fears a little before he even spoke. "Thirty two Volunteers with minor injuries from Dragon''s breath. None that required healing, even if they would let us." At my quizzical look, he explained, "all they''ll carry are minor scars, and they get to tell everyone who will listen that they got them from fighting an actual, full grown Dragon."


    The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.


    I nodded my understanding. "Good point. Guess our Volunteers are gonna wind up getting laid a lot when we get home."


    That got a round of laughs and nods, with Rider and Rosen looking a little sheepish for some reason. Lancaster nodded and continued. "Eight Volunteers and one Cadet with major injuries, as well as three Volunteer fatalities." His eyes might have even got a little wide with wonder when he said, "I have no idea how she managed it, but the Imperator managed to restore all of those save the Cadet, inclusive of the fatalities."


    I tilted my head as I remembered and looked at Bonnie, who sat just to Lancaster''s left. She raised her left hand and waved, saying "sorry, commander. I..."


    Before she said another word, Larry barked out, "stop!" Everybody tensed up at that, even me, but when Bonnie''s mouth snapped shut, he closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh before opening them. "I will not have you apologizing in any way for that, Bonita. Ever. Understood?" I had no idea why, but she blushed and nodded to him. "Good." He turned to me and continued. "As I was saying, we could not recover Cadet Obol''s forearm. We searched as long as we could, including an hour the morning after the battle, but eventually had to move on to get the expedition to this farmstead in good time."


    He paused, took a deep breath, then continued, "I would like you to know, as commander of the expedition, that I am personally indebted to Cadet Obol, and expect you to hold me to that should I... become distracted and forget."


    I don''t think I''d ever seen that look on a Lancaster''s face. Wait, no, it was close kin to the look Lachlan had when he finally got his Mineral Bond to pass muster. I nodded. "Explain."


    He took a deep breath and said, "one of the wyvern leapt at me, over the shield line. Had Bonita not stopped it, it would have taken my head instead of her arm."


    I tilted my head and looked at her. She shrugged and, with a sheepish little grin on her face, said, "I remember as a kid my mom grabbed a dog''s tongue and yanked on it to stop it from biting me. I didn''t really stop to think, I just acted."


    I snorted. "Well, shit, that''s most of what I do all the time, so I can''t see where I can fault you for that. Good job, Bonnie." Then, softer, I asked, "Saffron couldn''t save your arm? Regrow it or something?"


    She shook her head, "she said without the missing arm, Heal Injury couldn''t do it. She said she''d check to see if there''s another Spell that could, or make one if there isn''t. Once she''s done her current research?"


    I nodded, "yeah, she''s been looking for a way to Cure more than one person at a time. Might be useful in New Amsterdam." I paused a moment, looking at Larry before continuing quietly, "or possibly at Lancaster House."


    Lancaster didn''t reply to me, just looked at Bonnie and said, "the Schuylkill Universities are doing some amazing things with prosthetics now."


    She shook her head, almost involuntarily. "Those are so ex..."


    "Not. An. Issue. Bonita." Damn, it really weirded me out to see a Lancaster using his rectum pole powers for good. Still, can''t say it wasn''t a good thing.


    I hated to interrupt his personal growth, but I did have an expedition to run. "So, where''s the owners of this... farmstead?"


    He turned back to me. "Unfortunately, all but two had died before we arrived. Some quite some time ago. Those two are in one of the bedrooms upstairs." He nodded to the far side of the room from where I''d come down, where another set of stairs and balcony mirrored them, with doors along the upper wall and everything. "They''ve been Cured and Healed, but they''re still quite weak. I suspect they may not be the legal owners of the farmstead; we found them both in one of the barns with most of the surviving cattle."


    I shook my head, "fuck it, if they want it and nobody else is left to claim it, I say let them have it." I paused, my brain engaging, wonder of wonders. "Are they well enough to manage on their own?"


    "No, ma''am. I doubt it."


    I sighed. "I guess we take them with us, then. How many dead, here?"


    "Twenty-seven."


    "Shit." I meant to whisper, but it came out a little louder than I''d have liked. It also felt a little creepy to be having a feast in a dead man''s chair. Fuck it, if he felt some kind of way he could come talk to me. "Where are our Volunteers?"


    "Most of them are in the bunkhouses the hands slept in; they''re packed in pretty tight, but it''s better than tents in this weather. The remainder are in one barn we cleared out." He nodded to the table. "We commandeered several sheep and a few head of cattle."


    "What about the wolves?"


    He shrugged. "The Imperator Healed the pack leader, as well as a few that were in bad shape after the wyverns. They chose to remain with the carcasses after we''d skinned them and rendered out any useful parts from them."


    "Useful parts?"


    He nodded, for once looking entirely positive about something he had to relay to me. "It took a bit of doing to bring it all along with us, but we have most of the skins, fangs, and tail-barbs of four full grown wyverns, as well as the skin and teeth of a full grown Dragon. We also have the wyvern bones and the scales from the dragon. It took us most of the day after the battle to collect all that and sort it so we could carry it." Finally he frowned, and I relaxed a little, because seeing him near gleeful weirded me out a little. "The bones and internal organs of the Dragon were unrecoverable. The insides of the Dragon were..." he shrugged. "nothing but churned up slurry."


    I suddenly got very glad I''d slept through that, as every Cadet at the table save me, Larry, and Bonnie stopped eating, most of them looking a little green. "Yeah. Vulcan can do that. Still, you know what they say about ''overkill''."


    Larry looked at me, "I don''t, actually?"


    "There is no such thing as Overkill. There''s only ''open fire'' and ''pass the ammunition''."


    That got a few chuckles, and Angel even went back to eating. Lancaster even smiled a little, then added, "Equipment wise, we lost a few spears, but nothing we can''t replace in short order. Our biggest problem is our shields; they''re mostly either completely destroyed or severely damaged. A few dozen sets of armor are in sad shape as well."


    I thought about that for a half second, then asked, "if we had materials, do we have any Volunteers," I looked around the table, considering, "or any of us Cadets who know how to make shields? Or armor?"


    Larry nodded, "I''ve overseen the shield making process, although I''ve never done it myself. I believe Cadet Aetos and Bo... Cadet Obol both are from leatherworking families?" Both of them nodded, and although they shot each other less-than-thrilled looks, neither said anything negative. Larry finished with, "also, with three hundred Volunteers, I find it extremely unlikely that we don''t have at least a few with experience in each of those crafts."


    I thought for a second, then asked, "what have we done with the bodies from the farmstead?"


    "We didn''t have time for a proper burial yesterday after arriving, so they''re laid out in the yard, under the snow."


    "Creepy as fuck, but makes sense. What about the remaining livestock?"


    "In the rest of the barns."


    I took a deep breath, metaphorically straightened my Commander''s hat, and said, "okay, here''s what we''re gonna do. Starting first light tomorrow, we''re going to have the two survivors identify the dead. We''re going to Cure them all, then lay them to rest however we can."


    At that point Lancaster interrupted with, "Cure them all? They''re already dead, Commander."


    I nodded and shot him a grim smile. "I''m well aware, but I don''t even want the tiniest possibility that come first thaw, someone will find part of the bodies and start this whole plague shit show up again after we''ve finally got it stopped."


    He tilted his head, but said, "yes, ma''am. Can you handle the Cures?"


    I smiled at him. "Can and will. Does anyone here know proper burial rites?"


    Rosen, Rider, and Carrruthers, of all people, shot their hands up. "Good, you three will handle those; each of you grab a unit to help with the grunt work. While the four of us are doing that, I want Larry, Bonnie, and Raven to find all our folks who have done leatherworking or woodworking and get to replacing our Volunteers'' shields, armor, and spears. While they''re at it, I think it might be an idea for the ten of us to get some actual armor ourselves. At least leg and head armor. Yeah, I get that it''ll slow us down a little, but I''d like something a little more substantial covering my ass next time something tries to bite, burn, or blow it off."


    Larry was far less interrupty this time, but still tilted his head when he asked, "with what materials, ma''am? They have a small stockpile of wood, metal, and leather here, but only enough to outfit maybe a dozen Volunteers."


    I smiled back at him. "Didn''t you just say we had a shit ton of Dragon hide and scales? Not to mention teeth?"


    His mouth dropped open and worked for half a second before saying, "Dragonhide shields and armor for Volunteers?"


    "And all of us, while you''re at it. Don''t forget who else was standing between the ten of us and those fuckin'' lizards."


    He shut his mouth, got a considering look, and said, "yes, ma''am. Will do. Anything else?"


    "The rest of us will gather up any Volunteers not on burial or re-equipping duty and get some sleds or sledges ready to drag as much of our usable leftover supplies and material as we can; if we can find harnesses to let the cows drag them, that''d be perfect. We''ll also want some kind of leads, so we can keep them all with us. I''m correct that from here on out, we''ll be going through farmsteads rather than wilderness?"


    Lancaster nodded, "there are woods between the farmsteads, but each might take an hour to traverse normally at most. Nothing that would support things like we''ve had to face getting to this point."


    "Good. We''re bringing the livestock and the two survivors with us. If they want to come back here once they''re well, they can have whatever livestock are left over when we get to our next resupply point, but for now that livestock is our self-propelled larder." I paused, then said, "am I missing anything?"


    That got a round of head shakes, and Lancaster said, "nothing I can think of at the moment, Commander."


    "Good. Then, without further ado, let''s eat!"


    As the rest of the table dug in and the menace started to feed me, grabbing bites for herself between bites for me, I thought, Kitten? Everything okay on your end?


    Goof? Thank... you. She giggled a little. It''s good to hear your voice.


    Right back at you. Why are Marie and Isnomi here?"


    Because I thought you''d want to stay with your troops, so they could see you''re alive, and I wanted someone to watch over you, and Isnomi wouldn''t stay with Grandma.


    Isnomi Aetos-Diaz, filler of many hands.


    She snorted. Tell me about it.


    Do you have time to visit tonight? We''re staying at a farmhouse with, get this, an actual bed.


    She whimpered a little. Dammit. Wait, where would Isnomi sleep?


    There''s an adjoining dressing room, we could bring her bed and put it there. No other exits from the dressing room, either, so she''d be safe.


    That got even more whimpering. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Shit. I''m sorry, love. I desperately want to be there, but I''ve been Curing people non stop all day, as has Lancaster, and I''ve got to review everything George and fucking Ophelia did today to make sure he didn''t screw something up by accident, nor her by intent.


    I thought about it for a second. Tomorrow morning tell Ophelia that if she keeps fucking around with shit, I will personally come to explain to her why that''s a bad idea. Loss of body parts might ensue.


    Didn''t you not want to be a bogeyman?


    No, I don''t want to be a villain. Totally different. Also, if you don''t have to review all their work tomorrow, we''re going to be spending tomorrow at this farmstead too.


    I swear to you, my Goddess, that I shall put the fear of you into Ophelia bloody Orange.


    Nice. See you tomorrow, Kitten?


    See you tomorrow, Goof.


    That night I managed a Translocate to bring Isnomi''s Toddler bed back to the farmstead. When I set it up in the dressing room and showed her, she looked a little doubtful until I said, "you''re such a big girl now that since we''ve got one, you get to have your very own room."


    She still wound up crawling into bed with me halfway through the night. Couldn''t really complain, since Marie had done the same thing as soon as we heard Isnomi snoring.


    All day today I wound up walking around answering questions for people who knew the damn answers better than me. Like somehow if they asked me about what they were going to do, it would magically make it better somehow. No idea why, but if it made everybody feel better about standing still for a day when the very beds we slept in were evidence that the Plague had hit here ahead of us? I guess I gotta put on my big girl panties and play cheerleader.


    Dammit. Now I want to see Saffron in a cheerleader outfit.

 Day One Hundred And Ninety-Six

    Dear Diary,


    It''s nice to know that even with war, plague, and monster attacks, some things stay the same.


    So, my nefarious plan to lure Saffron into spending the night in a room with a real bed went off flawlessly. Okay, there was a small flaw in that after having the living shit kicked out of me by a dragon just a couple days previous, and playing cheerleader all day long yesterday, I wound up kind of passive tired, but I like to think the soft mattress, softer blankets, and roaring fire sort of made up for it. One way or another, we''d all mostly drifted off to sleep by the time Isnomi woke up, wandered into our room, and climbed up into the bed with us. I couldn''t even work up any kind of scolding for her being fuzzy, what with it being ''our room'', if only in a temporary sense.


    Dreams included Mimic staring at moss, although today there was some thinking? pondering? remembering? squashing a bug and eating it. It''s almost like she''s more of a toddler than Isnomi some days.


    Woke up at false dawn, like normal, although with the sky lit up and a dull glow from the coals in the fireplace, the room was just light enough to avoid wireframe vision. The coals in the fireplace, combined with those thick walls that I all of a sudden caught the reason for? Left the room cooler than the night before, but not freeze-my-nonexistent-ass-off cold. I rolled over to look at Saffron, who''d spooned up behind me in the night. I just lay there watching her, enjoying my whole little family being all tucked in together. The fact that Marie and Isnomi both apparently ran a little hotter than Saffron and I, which kept the space under the covers toasty? Nothing to do with it. Really.


    Eventually Saffron stirred, and I quietly murmured, "good morning, sleepyhead."


    I got to watch the whole ''Saffron morning boot-up sequence''. First her eyes opened just a crack, then she did a kind of mini-yawn face-stretch thing; in the middle of it she sniffed and worked her mouth, almost like sniffing and tasting the air around her. A smile spread across her face before her eyes even opened all the way. "Good morning, love."


    I leaned a little closer to her, bunting our heads together, and she pushed just a little closer for a kiss. Knowing it wouldn''t go anywhere with Isnomi snuggled up between Saffron and Marie, I just enjoyed the quiet intimacy while it lasted.


    Eventually, I noticed the light getting a little less ''false dawn'' and a little more ''actual morning''. "Hate to break it to you, because I don''t want to hear it either, but it looks like they''ll be wondering where the hell you are over in Newark."


    She closed her eyes and sighed. "I would complain about people needing someone to pat them on the head and tell them to do the thing that they''d already decided needed to be done, but I''m sure you understand that at least as well as I do."


    That reminded me that I needed to ask Marie about making Saffron a cheerleader outfit, but I couldn''t very well do that with Saffron cuddling me at the moment. It''d totally ruin the surprise. That''s at least half the fun of things like that, watching that look of ''oh, lord, what bizarre costume is she going to put on me today?'' Especially when it changes; doesn''t matter if it''s to ''I''m only doing this to humor you, because I love you'' or ''y''know, I kinda like this, but if you tell anyone you will regret it''. Also, I''m pretty sure I never got her back for that maid outfit. Which is still hanging in our armoire back in the Academy, now that I think about it.


    "What are you pondering, Goof?"


    I put on my best shocked and confused face and replied, "pondering? What''s that? Is it some smart person thing I''m too dumb to understand?"


    I''m pretty sure she didn''t get the reference, but she did nose boop me and say, "don''t make me tell you again. Today."


    I heaved out a totally over the top fake longsuffering sigh and said, "okay, Mom. What ever," in my best valley girl accent.


    That got her giggling, and shortly after I heard Muttley snickers from behind her, followed by our little menace crawling over Saffron, then mushing her face into the sides of ours, her arms going around our necks in something vaguely resembling a hug.


    Saffron, her voice half-muffled by menace-fur, managed to say, "while I dislike you being fuzzy where anyone might walk in and see, I will allow it because you are warm, and the tent I''ll be working in is cold as a... something I''m not going to say in front of you, lest you repeat it at the worst time possible."


    Isnomi pulled back just far enough that we could turn our heads and look up at her, a puzzled look on her face. "Col? Shid? Na, shid warm. Dam? Fuk?"


    If looks could inflict bodily injury, I think I would have rather been back in the Ice Dragon''s mouth. "Tabitha Diaz, what have you been saying in front of our daughter?"


    "I swear, I..." was all I got out before she cut me off.


    "I''m well aware you do, and now we have to deal with a potty mouthed toddler."


    "Pod? Pod col?" Isnomi shook her head, brazenly refusing to be intimidated by her mother''s death glare. "Na. Shid go pod, pod warm."


    I really had been watching my language around the scamp, so I got a little irked and said, "no, really, I mean it, I haven''t said shit around her." I realized what I''d just said, closed my eyes, and, "fuck," just kind of slipped out of my mouth.


    "Fuk col?"


    From the edge of our little nest, Marie chimed in with, "No."


    "Fuk warm?"


    Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.


    I swear I could hear Marie laughing her head off inside her own head as she said, "Yes."


    "Oi, Marie! What have you been teaching our... ah, hell."


    "Hel col?"


    Again Marie cut in with an authoritative, "Yes."


    "Oi! Menace!" I paused, realizing something. "Kitten?"


    Saffron, teetering between fury and hysterical laughter, ground out, "yes?"


    "I don''t think we''ve ever actually sat her down and explained that some words aren''t..." I trailed off, because I really couldn''t say ''for saying'', because I fucking said them all the damn time. I really do my best not to be a ''do as I say, not as I do'' Mom, no matter how it looks from the outside.


    Of course, Saffron didn''t really need me to finish the sentence. "You''re right." She heaved out a sigh. "Well, at least she has the excuse of being under a year old. Unlike certain members of the House of Orange."


    "Did you need me to pay her a visit? She''s rich, she doesn''t need all her limbs."


    Saffron snorted. "I''d say ''right in front of the child'', but frankly if she can intimidate Conrad I really doubt we''d be teaching her anything about violent tendencies."


    "Okay, no limbs. Appendages? Digits? Intimate bits?" Saffron just raised her eyebrows, and I rushed to explain, "not, like playing with them. Just, like, lopping them off." Now that it had escaped my head I heard what I''d said and winced right along with Saffron and Marie. Okay, Marie was more ''giggling'' than ''wincing''. I love my family, but our normal is pretty fuckin'' out there, y''know?


    Saffron just closed her eyes and sighed. "No matter how tempting I find those offers, even up to and including the last, she has been substantially less obstructive since I advised her that you might pay a visit should she vex me overmuch." She paused, slowly shaking her head a bit before opening her eyes to look up at Isnomi, who still hovered over us grinning like the cat who just swallowed the last of the chicken set out to thaw. "Isnomi?"


    "Ya, Ma?"


    "Listen closely."


    "Ah tay." I swear the way she furrowed her little brows when she made ''serious face'' made her look so much like her mom, fuzzy or not, that I had all I could do to keep my face looking all stern while I nodded along to what Saffron was saying.


    "Some words are for adults only."


    In that moment, I knew we''d fucked up. I saw the menace''s voice forming the question that haunts every parent''s nightmares, the first question, the only question that really matters, the question that never, ever goes away. "Why?"


    I realized right then that Saffron''s Mom game was just on a completely different level than mine, as she straight up face-tanked The Question and replied, "because some of them mean things that children shouldn''t be doing. Others are rude, and children do not often know when rudeness is appropriate."


    "Why?"


    I jumped in the way of that one. "Because you don''t have enough life experience yet. You will, someday."


    Marie jumped in to tag team with me, saying, "Yes."


    "When?"


    Saffron glanced over at me, thinking, thirteen?


    Yeah, that gives us a dozen years to stock up on soap to wash her mouth out with.


    Her look turned to one of horror. Did someone actually do that to you?


    Only once. Taught me not to swear. I mean, in front of my mom.


    I am well aware of how often you fucking swear, Goof. Of course, I''m also aware how often you make me swear when fucking, so you get a pass. This time.


    I swallowed my smug grin, because I am a Mature Woman who can control my reactions when Parenting Our Daughter. Really I did. Mostly. I looked up at Isnomi''s hovering face and said, "Thirteen."


    "Thirdeen dase?"


    I couldn''t help it, a laugh burst out of me as Saffron said, "No, thirteen years, you irrepressible little scamp."


    "Yeer?"


    I reached an arm around her and, as gently as I could, said, "next month, in about thirty days, you will be one year old."


    "Thurdy?"


    Marie snickered a little, I have no idea why, but I said, "yeah. Thirty. That''s three tens." I held up both hands and spread my fingers one at a time as I counted. "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten."


    Her eyes got real big, I''m guessing as the impact of ''twelve times as long as she''d been alive'' hit. With a tiny bit of blubbering, she said, "Inomi na tak fo thirdeen yeers."


    I almost fell for it, but as noted, Saffron''s mom game is next level. "That''s not what we said and you know it, you little... You know what? My girl, you are indeed a menace." She smiled, "and we love you for it. But we didn''t say no talking. We said no adult words."


    "Whad ''dult words?"


    I tried to think of which ones she''d already said, because I had a sudden rush of brains to the head and realized that if she didn''t hear us say it, she might not have heard it yet. "There are a lot of adult words, Menace. The ones I know you know are ''shit'', ''damn'', and ''fuck''. No saying those until you''re thirteen, or..."


    Saffron took over, "or you''re grounded for a day for every adult word you say." Before Isnomi could ask, she explained, "grounded means no carting with Marie, or playing outside the Academy, or helping in the Infirmary, or anything but staying in the room, either with Grandma or with your Brothers."


    Her blubbering had stopped, but her eyes stayed wide as she said, "no gounded. No ''dult words."


    I put on my best stern face and said, "there are other adult words too. If we hear you say one that we haven''t told you about, no grounding that time, but we will tell you it''s an adult word, and after that, no saying it or you''re grounded."


    She got a real solemn look on her face and said, "ah tay."


    Of course, by that point dawn''s light streamed in through the window, and I took advantage of the lack of freezing room temperatures to slide out of bed, scamper over to the fireplace and add another log from the small stack Marie had brought up the night before. "I''m not sure if we''ll be leaving today or not. Can you drop Marie and Isnomi off at the Academy on your way to Newark?"


    Saffron sighed, shooed Isnomi out of bed ahead of her, and said, "I will. Let us know when you find out how long you''ll be staying? These rooms aren''t home, won''t be, but..."


    "But it''s a nice vacation spot on chilly days, at least as long as the expedition is here," I finished for her. The four of us went into the dressing room and got dressed for the day. In the middle of that, I asked, "hey, speaking of home, do you think we could score one of the upper level two-room suites in the Academy at some point?"


    "Wanting to sleep in another room from me already?" Saffron managed such a forlorn tone that I turned to her, half dressed and ready to apologize, then I saw her big ''ol grin.


    "Nah. I was just thinking that it might be nice for Isnomi to have her own room. For, y''know, playing purposes. And it wouldn''t hurt for us to have a room where one of us can work late if we have to, without, y''know, keeping the rest of the family awake."


    Now she actually looked thoughtful, then turned and asked, "Marie, could you please check to see if there are any suites available, and let me know how many, and where they''re located?"


    Marie nodded as she finished dressing Isnomi. "Yes."


    I turned and gave Saffron some help getting her boots on, then just stared as she put on the rest of her Glowing Midnight. "Can you stay for breakfast?"


    She shook her head, "sadly, no. I''ll already be hearing some possibly legitimate gripes from Ophelia about making her wait."


    That surprised me. "She gets there that early?"


    "Now that I''ve put the fear of my Goddess into her she does."


    "Oh. Right." Dressed for the day, we all gathered up for one last big group hug, as well as kisses goodbye from me to all three of them. Then they were gone, and the room seemed just a tiny bit colder.


    One unexpected benefit to the menace''s potty mouth, though. After dealing with a precocious toddler first thing in the morning? Dealing with troops all day long was a fuckin'' cakewalk.

 Day One Hundred And Ninety-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    Weird how quickly you can come to call someplace home. Then again, maybe it''s not the place so much as the company.


    So the family spent the night again. Woke up with Isnomi, who crawled in with us again, lying across Saffron and I. So weird that she''s big enough to do that now; I remember her being like, the size of a football.


    No changes on the dream front; if Mimic ate a bug before, she didn''t seem to find another.


    In the morning Marie woke the three of us; somehow she''d managed to sneak out of bed without waking any of us. Fully dressed in her Maid uniform, she leaned over us and gently shook Saffron and I awake. As Saffron lay there blinking herself awake, Marie looked at us and said, "Breakfast."


    That got everybody out of bed pretty quick; Saffron and I helped each other get dressed while Marie got the menace into her uniform. As I helped Saffron with the garters on the backs of her legs I asked, "Hey Kitten, why is it you''re wearing your dress instead of a uniform?"


    "Complaints?"


    "Oh, hell to the no. Just wondering."


    She chuckled at that as she sat on the stool and let me help her put her boots on. "A couple reasons. Most importantly, I think, is because if I showed up in uniform, General Lancaster might be thinking of me as a Cadet and expect me to follow his lead on things. Which I don''t mind doing as a rule, but I need to make sure he doesn''t expect it."


    "Huh. Good point." I smiled as I picked up her other boot. "I guess uniforms might be good for something other than intimate dress-up."


    She leaned down and ruffled my hair. "Goof. The other big reason is that it''s my Holy Raiment. Even if they don''t know quite who I''m High Priestess of, everyone I''m Curing and helping knows I''m a High Priestess, and in turn their gratitude is directed at you."


    I might have blushed a little at that. "I dunno. Seems unfair for me to get all the credit for shit you''re doing."


    "And for that reason, along with all the others, you are more deserving of it than any other Deity I''ve heard of."


    That kinda shut me up, so I helped her down and buttoned up the back of Glowing Midnight, then let her sort my collar and the back of my shirt and jacket. When we got down to breakfast, I knew right away that Marie had a hand in making it. Whoever had been cooking wasn''t bad, but Marie had literally hundreds of years of experience at a minimum, and it showed. Since I didn''t recognize it, I asked, "hey Marie? What kind of meat is this?"


    As I heard the weirdest sound, Lancaster chuckling without sounding like an asshole, Marie replied, "Mutton."


    When I looked at Lancaster, he said, "apologies, commander. Lancaster House sends beef to Phileo, and the Rosens and Riders deliver plenty of pork, but sheep provide most of the clothing in Phileo''s western territories; most of the farmsteads eat mutton, but it''s a little bit uncommon even at Lancaster House. I''ve been told it''s a little trickier to cook, as well, but whoever cooked this seems to know the trick to it."


    I treasured the vaguely disturbed look on his face when Marie, who''d been moving around the table doing waiter shit like topping off drinks and whisking away empty serving plates to replace them with new ones full of food, said, "Yes," from directly behind him.


    "How''s the gear coming?"


    I nearly dropped my spoon in surprise when he turned to Bonnie and nodded. She set down her spoon and said, "it''s taken a bit of doing, mostly because of the freezing temperatures outside, but it turns out the farmstead had the right materials on hand to quickly tan the Dragon hide. With everyone helping, I think we''ll be done some time tomorrow. Everyone will have a new shield and new armor, including the ten of us."


    "Fantastic!" I meant it, I''d been a little worried about how long we''d been staying here. "So... we should be ready to move out at first light on Wednesday?"


    "That''s correct, commander," Lancaster replied. "The two survivors of the farmstead are recovering well; I think they wanted to talk to you today, if you can spare the time."


    "Will do." I very carefully avoided saying how much I''d felt like a completely unneeded figurehead for the past two days.


    When we finished eating, the rest of the Cadets went out to keep our resupply running, and I gathered up Saffron, Marie, and Isnomi for a long group hug, followed by kissing them all goodbye for the day. Saffron picked up Isnomi, and I realized she had to lean a little to the side just to keep her balance, because the menace had gotten almost half as tall as her mother by this point. Then she took Marie''s hand, and they were gone.


    I wandered up the opposite stairs to the only door that remained closed, because I kinda figured that''s where I''d find the survivors. Right before I pushed the door open, I remembered what passed for my manners and knocked. I snickered a little as I heard a woman, sounding just a little out of breath, call out, "just a moment!" Over the next minute or so I listened to the sound of two people getting dressed as quickly as possible. I''d never actually listened to it from the far side of a door before, but given how often Saffron, Marie, and I wound up having to rush dressing because we''d spent dressing time canoodling, I knew those sounds pretty well.


    After a minute or so, the door opened to reveal a blonde woman, twenty something at a guess, in a nice blue dress. Behind her and to one side stood a Black guy who looked to be the same age. That surprised me a little; while there were plenty of swarthy people in Phileo, and even more in Camden Yards, people with Africa-dark skin were pretty thin on the ground. Back in my old Camden, this dude would have been referred to as ''dark skinned''; he had that deep black kind of skin with almost purplish undertones to it.


    The woman curtsied to me and said, "Commander Diaz, I presume?"


    I smiled at the formality and said, "yep, that''s me. My Cadets told me they found you two in one of the barns, but didn''t tell me your names?"


    At the mention of the barn, the woman blushed, the red standing out against her fair skin. "Yes, ma''am," she stuttered. "Andre and I had gone out to the barn to... check on something, and we''d kind of expected someone to come get us when they saw we weren''t there for dinner. No one ever did, and then I got sick, and when Andre came back to the house to find someone to help, he found everyone else dead or dying." She paused, shook her head, and continued. "I''m sorry, I''m Azalea Lands."


    This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    I stuck out a hand for her to shake, saying, "good to finally meet you, Ms. Lands. I''m sorry for your losses, but everyone in the house had already died from the Plague before we arrived. Worse tidings for you, I''m afraid, is that we''ll be commandeering your livestock to provision us for the rest of our trip to Lancaster House."


    She''d reached out gingerly to shake my hand, but when I said, ''your livestock'', her eyes got a little wide and she said, "my livestock? Are my uncles and cousins all dead then?"


    That brought me up short. "If they lived here on this farmstead, then I''m afraid so."


    She shook her head again, "no, no, they''re from nearby farmsteads, but obviously I''m not in line to inherit the farm."


    I looked her up and down, but couldn''t see any obvious signs of handicap. "Why not?"


    She just stared at me like she couldn''t quite understand what I was saying. Finally she blurted out, "because I''m a woman?"


    I snorted. "Yeah, I noticed. That matters why?" She just worked her mouth without speaking, like somebody trying to find a way to explain something that they understood with such certainty that they''d never really thought about it. After maybe ten seconds of that I interrupted her, saying, "if you''re worried about having somebody to do the heavy lifting, your... friend? Andre seems to be in good shape now that he''s Plague-free. If it''s a whole ''women can''t inherit'' thing, which I for one think is stupid enough that I''m not going to listen to it, he seems to be of the male persuasion."


    Sounding completely lost, she said, "but he can''t inherit either."


    I lifted an eyebrow. "Why not?"


    "Because he''s Bag."


    I took a deep breath, swallowing my impulse to grab her by the hair and dangle her over the balcony. "That matters why?"


    Again with the wordless gabbling. This time, though, tears started leaking out of her eyes, so slowly I wasn''t sure she realized. Finally she lowered her head to stare at the floor, then whispered. "Andre and I were in the barn because we planned on eloping to Camden Yards. Then the snow hit, then the plague. I wanted to. We wanted to..." She trailed off, openly weeping now. Andre held himself stiff as a board, like he wanted to move to her, but couldn''t.


    "Ah, shit. Is this a ''can''t marry a commoner'' or ''can''t marry a Bag'' thing?"


    Andre replied, his voice deeper than I expected. "Both."


    That, as you might imagine, put a goliath beetle directly up my ass. Without me even thinking about it, The Dress replaced my uniform. I lifted her chin up as she gawked a little. "Do you want him as your husband? For better, for worse, all that shit?"


    She nodded, then whispered out, "yes."


    I turned to Andre, stepped forward, grabbed him by the hand and pulled him up next to her. "What about you? You want to marry her? Better or worse, sickness and health, all that jazz?"


    He nodded as well, his voice even deeper when he said, "yes."


    I remembered something, and thought, Boss? Can you and Sigyn do me a solid?


    He sounded a little distracted, but replied, what did you need?


    Could the two of you come here for like, thirty seconds, tops? I need two witnesses.


    After he didn''t reply for about ten seconds, I got a little worried, but then I heard the quiet sounds of two sets of feet hitting the floor of the balcony behind me. Azalea and Andre looked kinda shocked speechless, and when I glanced over my shoulder I saw Loki standing there in his Lyman guise, and Sigyn in her skimpy skirt and thigh high boots. She had a blouse on, but I had enough class I didn''t mention it looked kinda inside out and backwards.


    "Thanks, Boss. You''re the best."


    "I know."


    I turned back to the still-shocked couple. "Both of you still want to be married? For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, ''til death do you part?" When they still stood there looking stunned by the sudden appearance of two strangers on their balcony, I leaned to put myself between their line of sight and the divine couple behind me. "Last chance to back out."


    That got them. Azalea stumbled over her words. "No, I mean, no, I''m not backing out, yes, I want to marry Andre." She glanced shyly at him. "If he''ll have me?"


    A big old smile stretching across his face, he replied, "Absolutely."


    I put their hands together and said, "then by the power vested in me by Loki and the Cities of Phileo, Camden Yards, New Amsterdam, and Newark, I pronounce you man and wife." When they stood there looking a little shocked again, I said, "it''s pretty customary to kiss your bride at this point," and winked at Andre. Still grinning, he turned, put his arms around her, and kissed her as solidly as I ever had kissed Saffron or Marie. While they snogged, I turned to Loki and Sigyn. "Thanks, Boss. Thanks, Sigyn." At her arch expectant look, I huffed out a sigh and said, "thanks, Mom."


    With a silvery little laugh, she stepped forward, kissed my forehead, then stepped back to take Loki''s hand. "We couldn''t leave our favorite daughter wanting."


    I smiled and said, "aren''t I your only daughter?" They both laughed at that, and I turned to Loki and said, "did you need me for anything today, Boss?"


    He shook his head, grinning from ear to ear. "This is the first wedding the two of us have been invited to, and the first performed by one of my Clergy in..." he trailed off, thinking, then finished with, "centuries, at least. Consider your Devotional duties for today done, with style and panache."


    "I''d offer you breakfast or something, but the Cadets and Volunteers are all working to get us ready to march to Lancaster House, and you really don''t want to eat my cooking."


    "Quite all right, Tabitha." He stepped forward, gave me a quick hug, and then he and Sigyn disappeared. I turned back to the newlyweds, only to find them staring at me like I''d grown another head or something. "What?"


    Azalea found her voice first. "Who was that?"


    I shrugged. "You might need to tell people who witnessed things, I guess. Loki and Sigyn." Her eyelids fluttered, but before she could faint I barked out, "Oi! I figured you two would need some witnesses that nobody would argue with." With a thought, I changed back into my uniform, then said, "follow me."


    I led them back to what I''d realized was the master suite of the house, then rifled the desk for pen and paper. They stood there watching while I wrote up a really abbreviated contract, then signed the bottom. "Okay, so as commander of the expedition from Phileo to Lancaster House, I''ve commandeered this farm and everything on it. Since we can''t exactly carry buildings and shit with us, I''m giving you two all of that stuff as a wedding gift." I sanded the contract I''d just written up and nodded to it. "That''s an I owe you for the materials we''ve commandeered. You''ll have to travel to Phileo to cash it in, I guess, but maybe you can trade it to the Lancasters or something for shit you need to get yourselves started."


    They both stood there looking a little stunned. Eventually Azalea whispered, "really?"


    "Yep. Now, the expedition is pulling out Wednesday morning, and we''ll be taking all the food we can carry, and that includes the livestock. You two are going to be coming with us, because I don''t want you starving or dying because there''s only two of you at this point. If we have any livestock or supplies left when we get to Lancaster House, we''ll send them back here with you." I thought about it a second. "Probably escort you back here as well, come to think about it."


    Andre actually knelt head down before me, where I sat in the first comfy chair I''d sat in for months. "Thank you."


    "Ah, get up. Can''t offer the two of you much of a romantic honeymoon."


    At that, Azalea laughed, the first normal sound I''d heard out of her for a bit. She knelt next to Andre, but looked up at me when she said, "that, Commander Diaz, has to be the silliest thing I''ve heard someone apologize for, ever. Thank you."


    I stood, reached down, and when they took my hands hefted them to their feet. "I''ve got to go play cheerleader for the expedition. If you two know anything about tanning or woodworking, your help would be appreciated, but I completely understand if you''d rather stay in the house to," I shot them a lopsided grin, "rest up, until we leave." With that I turned and left them, heading to, as I said, play cheerleader.


    Y''know, it was really kind of nice using my elevated status for something happy for a change.

 Day One Hundred And Ninety-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    It''s really weird; I used to get really bent out of shape at management types who didn''t get their hands dirty. Now I are one.


    Not, like, on purpose or because I want to slack, but because I don''t know enough about anything that the Cadets and Volunteers are doing to be more than brute force and another set of hands, and not only are we really not short on hands, but I''ve also got all that ''go do the thing you told me you need to do'' cheerleading on my plate.


    So, like, I''m not complaining, but it''s really fuckin'' weird. But I said that already.


    The family got to spend one last night in the farmstead''s master suite, and I would be lying if I even tried to imply that the three of us didn''t take advantage of that until we all passed out from exhaustion. Okay, not so much ''passed out'' as ''got happy sleepy from Happy Brain Chemicals'', but you get the gist, I''m sure. Woke up to Marie telling us breakfast was ready again.


    While getting dressed in the dressing room, we discovered something we''d missed the two days prior. There''d been a curtain along the inside wall of the dressing room, and neither Saffron nor I had really given it any thought. The menace, on the other hand, finally noticed it, and curious little scamp that she is, she pulled it aside to reveal a full length wall mirror. Saffron''s breath caught when she saw it.


    "What''s up, Kitten?"


    She shook her head, then said, "that''s hideously expensive. Not more expensive than the house, but probably in the same general range."


    Thinking about the glass I''d seen, and realizing that they probably still made mirrors using precious metals like silver, that made a whole lot of sense, even if I just couldn''t feel it in my gut the way she did. "Well, I guess we missed an opportunity, then."


    Saffron shot me a look while adjusting her garters. "Don''t tell me you''d have taken this with us?"


    "Nah, nothing like that. But I''ve always wanted to try it in front of a mirror. Y''know, try the whole ''exhibition / voyeur'' thing without needing anybody but the three of us."


    Saffron rolled her eyes, "of course you do." Then she got a bit of a faraway look on her face. "You know, I think that''s a completely reasonable thing to look for if and when we finally look for our own house. Or perhaps if we get one of the suites at the Academy."


    I stepped over to the mirror to really get a look at myself; I''d done the Co-Location often enough to, y''know, recognize myself, but I''d never really looked myself over. Dunno why not. Probably because I''m an oversexed idiot who seriously considered Co-Locating for solo fun time, but not to use it for a mirror. Then again, the feedback''s a bitch, so neither of those might be as fun as I''d have thought. Starting from the bottom, Marie kept my boots shiny as fuck, and they gleamed even in the dim light in the dressing room. The slacks covered the top of the boots, the linen just as black as the boots, matte to the boot''s high gloss. Even I noticed the slacks'' tailoring, flaring out in the thigh to cover my thighs, which were at least twice as wide as my calves. I mean, my calves weren''t skinny or anything, but they mostly bulged out to the back, where my thighs? Just bulging out all over the place. Okay, not exactly ''all over the place''. No thigh gap for your girl Tabitha, because too much muscle. Of course, I turned to check out my ass, fully ready to remain frustrated and disappointed by my eternal flat ass.


    Did you know that if you work your glutes enough, you can actually have a badonkadonk made out of muscle? I sure as fuck didn''t until I saw my ass actually, y''know, sticking out behind me, flaring the tails of my jacket just a little bit.


    The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.


    Kinda interesting, I know the uniform has really good gusseting, what with being able to do all Marshall duBois'' freaky tai chi moves and stretches while wearing it, but if I stood there casual-like? I couldn''t really see any of it. Something, something, something, tailors with centuries of experience with this exact uniform.


    Above the waist the jacket pretty much covered everything. A fond memory popped up, the first time I''d seen Saffron jacketless, and I went to the trouble of unbuttoning my shirt just to check to see how I looked. I''d been kinda worried about all the chest exercises deflating my boobs or something like that. I mean, they were there when I looked down, but without a mirror or Co-Locating, I can only get that one view, y''know?


    Surprised myself a second time when I realized that while I had some pronounced neck muscles peeking out at the top of my shirt''s ruffles, the pectorals I knew I had got entirely eclipsed by my tits. I''m not sure if they looked so big because of the pecs, or if somehow nursing Isnomi had wound up with me starting to lactate, or what, but dayum, I looked racked. I tried to be a little subtle about pulling my shirt open to see whether I needed to worry about padding the inside of my shirt to prevent milk stains, which is when Saffron interrupted my self-inspection by laughing and saying, "Yes, Goof, they''re, what was that phrase you used? ''Sugoi Dekai?"


    I watched a blush rush over my chest and up my neck. Of course, that blush made my scars stand out.


    So many scars. Not too many on my face; one along the left side of my jaw, another thin horizontal one right below my hairline on the right side. Below that? I had a whole network of them. They didn''t stand out so much now, since they''d all healed over and weren''t the angry red color they''d been. Saffron stepped in front of me, interrupting my self-inspection by the simple expedient of letting me see her front directly and her back in the mirror, which caused a bit of an overload and crash in Tabitha.exe. While I ogled, she reached up and ran a gentle hand across the scars on my neck and the top of my chest. "So many."


    I shrugged. "Something about Co-Location. Dead mes don''t rejoin, they just hurt like fuck when they die, but I guess I get all the nicks and bruises of all the live mes when I bring myself back together again."


    Almost whispering, not meeting my eyes, she said, "all this, for me."


    I shrugged. "Yeah?"


    She looked up at me. "We always have the lights down lately. Firelight for the past few nights, but still not clear lighting."


    I shrugged again. "Hadn''t really thought about it."


    "When next we have time so we need not rush, we will not turn the lights down."


    I shot her a crooked grin, because I had the perfect quote for this. "Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory lasts forever." After a second, I thought about it enough to ask, "so. Do you? Dig scars?"


    She smiled up at me. "Not the scars themselves. The fact that you got them all avenging me."


    I sighed. "I must look kinda gruesome when I''m starkers and flushed."


    She shook her head. "Never. These are not marks of shame. They are badges of honor. They are your love for me traced out in flesh and pain."


    I chuckled. "Way too deep for me."


    "I will just have to make you believe. Which, once I have the opportunity, I will do, with our dear Marie''s assistance."


    Before I could reply, Marie cut in with a simple, "Yes."


    I pulled them both into a hug, and couldn''t even be mad when the menace climbed up the inside of our little triangle to hug us all.


    "Breakfast is probably getting cold."


    "Hush, Goof. It can wait."


    I certainly wasn''t going to argue with her at that point. "Yes, dear."


    After we''d stood there long enough for the warmth of the three of them to sink deep into me, Saffron sighed, turned to me, and fixed my blouse and jacket. "I''m afraid I need to be going now."


    I sighed. "Yeah, I know. Marie?"


    "Yes?"


    "Can you carry Isnomi''s bed while Saffron Translocates you back to the Academy?"


    For an answer, she set the menace on the bed, then lifted it with one hand. Saffron took her other hand, I snagged another round of hugs and kisses, and then they were gone.


    I wandered down to breakfast, only to find most of the Cadets with mostly empty plates. A small stack of full plates sat in front of my seat, and Azalea slapped Andre''s hand away when he stole a sausage from one of them.


    Of course, eating meant I was completely unable to defend myself from the endless volleys of ribald joking about how little sleep the Cadets had gotten last night. Even with half of it aimed at Andre and Azalea, plenty of it still wound up coming my way.


    Hell of a way to be reminded that the rooms here weren''t soundproofed.

 Day One Hundred And Ninety-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    There oughta be a law about humpless hump days. Like, things that have humps ought not to not have humps. Like, what even is a camel without a hump? A shitty llama, that''s what.


    Okay, I''m just a little bitchy because after three days or so with things like a bed, and cooked food, and conjugal visits? I''m gonna have to sleep in a pup tent next to a Volunteer tonight.


    That''s not quite true, if I''m being honest. She''s a Sergeant. Although I''m not sure if technically she''s still a Volunteer? I gotta ask Saffron that at some point. She''ll know.


    So last night was my last night sleeping in a real bed. When we eventually make our way back to the Academy and all of us are sleeping in the same room on the regular, that''s my first thing I''m doing; getting a real bed. The mirror is a nice to have, but the bed is a must. At any rate, Mimic does not dream of electric sheep, because apparently moss is much more interesting. There might be some lichen here and there too, but its mostly moss and, y''know, that green almost-slime you get in and around moss.


    Woke this morning to someone knocking on the door to the room. Hopped out of the bed only to realize that Marie must have been keeping the fire fed on previous days, because the room was not toasty warm. Still warmer than our icebox of an Academy cell, but not warm. I did the shiver dance over to the door, then realized that I couldn''t open the door without flashing the whole main room. The choice of room used as a dressing room suddenly made sense. I opened the door just a tiny crack and said, "what''s the emergency?"


    "No emergency, commander. The expedition is ready to go when you are."


    I checked the window; the faint light of dawn filtered in through the window. Fuck, I''d missed breakfast.


    "Thank you, Larry."


    I did the insta-clothing thing, glanced at the desk to make sure the uniform I''d dumped on the fluffy chair last night was the one I''d pulled on, because it would suck if I wound up leaving a uniform here, then pushed the door open to find Lancaster standing just out of the swing of the door. He fell in behind me as I walked to the stairs.


    "Any problems?"


    "No, ma''am." He paused just long enough to let me know he wasn''t talking about a problem, then said, "Now that we''re out of the woods, might I recommend we start rotating forwards instead of backwards? That puts our most fatigued unit in the back where they have the most broken trail."


    I nodded. "Makes sense. How long for the intervals?"


    "Half an hour, or when the trail breakers begin to flag? That way once they''ve all broken trail once, it''s time for lunch, and after the second it''s time for dinner and camp."


    "Sounds good. Are we really going to have to camp out again?" I managed to keep the whine out of my voice, but I still heard a little snort from behind me, just quiet enough I''d have to be a real bitch to comment on it.


    "I hope so, ma''am?"


    "You got a previously unexplored pup tent fetish?"


    "No, ma''am, but if there''s room indoors for us it means the people who would normally be sleeping there are dead."


    I hid my wince, hopefully better than I''d hid my whine. "Well, let''s hope for pup tents, then." Right about then we got to the doors of the house, and I paused and asked, "are we gonna need to camp out at Lancaster House itself?"


    This time Larry snorted openly. "Hardly. We may need to open some of the mothballed rooms, but we won''t be sleeping outside. Eating inside too, although again, we might need to have some of the troops help with the cooking, depending how many people from outlying farms are sheltered there at the moment."


    That caught my attention as I reached for the door. "Just how big is Lancaster House, anyhow?"


    I looked back at him to catch him smiling that smug Lancaster smile. "Large enough that I feel confident making those statements." He shrugged off my raised eyebrow.


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    "Yeah, but, like, how many rooms?"


    He shrugged again. "I really don''t know. The last time I got curious I tried to count them, but I lost count."


    Sometimes the jokes write themselves. "So, at least eleven then?"


    "Please, commander." I smiled a wordless apology, then swung the door open to see the troops mustered and ready to go, just waiting for Lancaster and I. Before I stepped out, he got me by saying, "At least twenty two."


    I laughed. Honest to god humor from a Lancaster. Who knew?


    One cannot remain in your company long without developing a sense of humor, Tabitha. Or nervous tics, but he doesn''t seem the sort for those, oddly enough.


    I rolled my eyes at second-in-command and deity alike, then called out, "ladies and gentlemen, are you all ready for a nice morning stroll?"


    "Yes, ma''am!" their voices filled the air, and I noticed that each of them had a brand new shield, not to mention their packs and all that good shit. I turned to ask Lancaster about it, only to find him holding out a pack with a shield hanging from the back and a spear threaded through the straps.


    I pulled the spear out, shouldered my pack, and said, "take the lead?"


    "As you command." He strode off toward the first unit, and I pointed westward, or what I hoped was westward, with my spear. "Move out!"


    Nothing really happened through the morning. We walked down a snowed in road between snow covered fields, the wind chill dropping the temperature low enough I wound up glad the wind was blowing from behind us, where the packs could block most of it. I still kinda wished I could jump back and pick up my furry coat, but I wound up in the unenviable position of telling myself that if I didn''t bring enough for everybody, I couldn''t wear mine.


    Fortunately about midway through the day we came to a narrow strip of woods, which wasn''t big enough to hide anything bigger than some rabbits, but when we marched off the road just past the tree line, it provided a pretty good windbreak for us while we sat, ate lunch, and rested up a little bit. While most of the troops huddled together in their squads, trying to keep themselves warm by proximity, I leaned against a tree on the edge of the woods and looked at my new shield while keeping watch over our back trail. It would be just my luck if the Dragon had a spouse or mother or kid who decided to chase us down to avenge the building that flew like a lizard. Jotnar lack of fucks to give about cold for the win.


    The first thing I noticed was that unlike our old wood shields, this one wasn''t really square. The bulk of it was shaped like a single big scale, that classic ''rounded across the top, bottom coming to a broad point'' thing. That made sense, since it probably was just one of the bigger scales. The size of the fucking Dragon hit me again, and I hid a little bout of shakes by clutching at the shield and holding it between me and the wind to look at it. Two smaller scale shapes, one on each side of the main one, but oriented with their points upward, brought the overall shape of the shield to something approaching the rectangle our troops trained with.


    The reason I couldn''t be absolutely certain about the shape being a scale? The entire thing, outside and in, had a hard leather cover over it, the only gap being where the soft... well, softer leather of the straps threaded through the outer leather casing. I''d never seen deliberately hardened leather before. It looked like leather, smelled like leather, but felt more like, I dunno, greasy wood? Something like that anyhow. You''d expect the whole thing to be way heavier than the old wooden shields, but despite being at least three layers of whatever they were, it felt lighter. I wasn''t about to go trying to break it; if I couldn''t, I''d look like an idiot, and if I could, I''d not only feel like an asshole, I''d look like an even bigger idiot. After putting my arm through the straps and practicing moving it around a little, as well as taking one swipe with it, I hooked it back over my pack.


    While I did I felt something odd inside the pack. I pulled it open to find a helmet and shin guards made out of the same kind of stiff woodish leather as the shield cover. I tied the shin guards on over my pants, regretting it a little as that squished melted ice down my leg into my boots. I didn''t think I could slip them on under my pants without pulling my pants off, and I really didn''t want to flash my bits to the troops. I still left the shin guards on, since if I needed them, I sure as shit wouldn''t have time to put them on properly. The helmet took a bit of work to get on over my hair, which had kinda sorta frozen into a helmet itself. Once I got it on, I figured it would fit pretty well normally; it covered the top and back of my head, with holes in the sides around my ears, and a curved strip down each side of my face that pushed into my cheeks just a little. I figured that kinda like any other leather, it would gradually adjust to fit me better as I broke it in, so I left it on.


    Right about then I got the bright idea to use Loki''s insta-dress trick to put my shin guards on under my pants.


    I''m glad my troops have such high morale. Because they''ve pretty much got to have balls of fuckin'' titanium to laugh at the woman who walked away from being eaten by a dragon when she hopped around squealing about ice cold leather freezing itself to my goddamned shins.


    The afternoon passed with no more issues than the morning, and as the sun dropped below the horizon, I realized why Lancaster hadn''t pulled us over to camp when I saw the lights of a farmstead ahead of us.


    Real fuckin'' tempting, even if every bunk they had was full, to pack us into the buildings like cordwood, because it was fuckin'' cold as balls out here in the sticks at night.

 Day Two Hundred

    Dear Diary,


    I don''t know what the weirdest thing is; that there are people more bigoted than Larry Lancaster, that Larry''s supporting me against them, or that he''s looking to me as an authority figure.


    World no make sense. Make world make sense.


    So yesterday we took a little longer than Lancaster thought we would to get to the next farmstead down the road. When I saw the lights, I stepped up beside him. "It seems a little weird that there''s a farmstead just about exactly one day''s travel down the road."


    He chuckled a little. "It''s not accidental, commander. With the snow we''re marching not much slower than a farmer''s wagons would move if the road were clear. The farmsteads right on the main road here are spaced to take advantage of that; nobody wants to sleep outside if they have to."


    "So, what, they have a side hustle as inns?"


    He shrugged. "One or two, I believe. Most of them just trade favors, although I''m not sure how they keep track." He shot me a crooked smile. "For some reason I didn''t pay much attention to that before."


    "Before?" He looked a little uncomfortable, so I said, "don''t worry about it. What do you mean ''main road''? I haven''t seen any other roads."


    His smile got a lot less lopsided. "Do you know how to tell the difference between a road and a field under two feet of snow?"


    "No?"


    "Neither do I, really, but I''ve travelled this road when it wasn''t covered in snow. Trust me, they''re there."


    I laughed, even if somewhere inside my brain was screaming about Larry Lancaster making actual funny jokes rather than bigoted bullshit humor. "I hope they are, since you''re the one who knows the route, after all." I shook my head before he could reply. "No, that''s not really fair. I do trust you, or I''d have someone else leading. Even if I''d have called bullshit if someone told me I''d be saying that today a week before Yule."


    Lancaster veered a little further away from the road, waving at his units to keep breaking trail as he did. I followed, assuming he wanted to talk to me about something without the troops overhearing. "A week before Yule, indeed. A week before you utterly destroyed two armies by yourself."


    I shrugged, still not really comfortable with what I''d done that day. "Yeah. I guess so. So you''re toeing the line because you think I''m gonna shank you if you don''t?"


    He looked over as we plowed our own path through the snow. "That had crossed my mind well before Yule, but... no." He heaved out a sigh. "No. If you were going to ''shank me'', you''d have done so that day I punched you in the throat. Maybe that day in Doctor DeLeon''s class. But..." He trailed off as we got close enough to the farmstead ahead of us to see lanterns hanging in front of the doors of the buildings rather than just a few floating glows in the distance. "Sorry, commander, but I suspect this will have to wait." He nodded to the central farmhouse, where someone had stepped out of the door; a fairly big man followed by two other big men. At least, each of them filled the door pretty well coming out of it. I guessed it might just be a tiny door or some shit.


    "Who goes?" The guy shouting sounded less threatening and more querulous; like he thought he really didn''t want the answer.


    "May I, commander?"


    I nodded. "They probably recognize you more than any of the rest of us."


    Lancaster called out, "column! Halt!" Then he kind of hop-jogged forward, the only way to really move at more than a slow stagger in the snow. "Hello the house! Laurence Lancaster of Lancaster House, with the Phileo City Expedition to Lancaster House!"


    The big guy in front half turned, and one of the two behind him pulled a lantern down from beside the door and handed it to him. The big guy walked to the edge of the area in front of the house that had been cleared, then held the lantern up and to the side, peering through the dark. Eventually he nodded. "Master Lancaster! You may not wish to come closer; our house is beset by sickness!"


    I couldn''t resist the opportunity, I stepped up behind Larry and called out, "that''s why we''re here! We''re from the Academy and we''re here to help!"


    What? It''s a classic line, even if they wouldn''t really have gotten the ''from the government'' or ''from home office'' versions.


    The moment I spoke, the big guy, who''d been sort of hunching over trying to make himself smaller than Larry, reared back and called, "who is this woman, Master Lancaster?"


    The way he said the word ''woman'' gave me an urge to step to him and ram something unpleasant up his ass, so I took a deep breath and let Lancaster handle it. "She is Cadet Tabitha Diaz, High Priestess of Loki, Councilwoman, and Commander of this Expedition." It was weird; it had been a while since I heard Larry get that full on ''the steel rod up my ass says you''re not fit to breathe my air'' tone in his voice, and hearing it directed at some sexist asshole caused some serious cognitive dissonance.


    "High Priestess of who?"


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    By this point we''d gotten to an almost conversational distance, so I pitched my voice to carry to the guys next to the house and answered. "I''m the High Priestess and Champion of Loki. How many of you are sick?" He shot me a booger look and turned back to Lancaster. "Oi! I''m talking to you here. What''s your name?"


    "Master Lancaster, are you going to let this woman speak to me this way?"


    I had like one more iota of patience, and I used it looking at Larry and saying, "is this guy, like, important or connected or something? Because he is starting to damage my hard won calm."


    Funny; I''d never seen Larry even attempt to fast talk someone. I''m not sure if that''s what he decided to do, or it just seemed like it from his sudden tension. "Farmer... Davis, was it?"


    "Yes, Master Lancaster."


    "I''m certain you noticed the troops marching East, back before winter set in?"


    The big man, who I realized just then looked like the kind of guy who''d been muscle-heavy in his youth, but gone to seed a bit, replied, "Yes, Master Lancaster. Your father stopped here with his Volunteer units. Something about New Amsterdam planning to attack Phileo?"


    "That they were. That they did." Lancaster let that dangle there, and Farmer Davis took the bait.


    "Your father lead the defense?"


    I remember General Lancaster''s ''do not fuck with me'' look, and if Larry''s wasn''t quite the same caliber, he''d definitely studied it. "In fact, no. He was to have lead the counteroffensive, but treachery by New Amsterdam lay him low before the battle began."


    Dismay painted Davis'' features. "Lord Lancaster has fallen?"


    "In point of fact, fell, but was Revived by her wife," he nodded to me, "before the battle ended. In point of fact, because of the two of them, Phileo City and Camden Yards suffered only three casualties during the battles at the walls of Newark and Camden Yards."


    Farmer Davis looked a little lost. "What... what trickery did she employ?"


    Something about the way he said ''trickery'' finally burned through that final bit of patience I''d so carefully saved. I stepped right up in his face, ignoring the whine and a slight painful tug when I Co-Located in front of each of the guys backing him as well. "It was a really subtle trick, I''m not sure your pitiful farmer brain can handle it. Wait, no, that''s not fair to farmers. Most of them are pretty bright. I guess you''re the exception. Anyway, please do try to keep up as I explain." I leaned in close to him, and his two bodyguards, who looked enough like him that they must be sons or nephews or something, tried to step forward. Each of them got a quick and dirty course in exactly how fast someone can take you to your knees using nothing but some leverage on a pinky and wrist.


    Farmer Davis half turned when he heard his guys hit the dirty snow, putting his ear in optimum whisper range. "I killed them all. Thousands and thousands of them died screaming when I spilled their fucking guts on the snow. In the space of a few minutes I turned the gates of Newark and the forest north of Camden Yards both into abattoirs. Messy, bloody ones. Now, I get that you might doubt me. Hell, I doubt me most of the time. But believe me when I say you need to think real, real, carefully about the answer to my next question."


    The only sounds in the courtyard were the groans of Davis'' guys and his own heavy, shaking breath. Eventually, after a long moment, without turning to look at me, he said, "what question?"


    "Do you need a demonstration?"


    I couldn''t really tell if the freezing rivulets running toward his chin were tears or sweat, but after a long moment he whispered, "Master Lancaster, sir?"


    Lancaster''s reply held at least as much frustrated venom as my own question. "The words you seem to be failing to find are, ''no, Ma''am''. Perhaps followed by, ''is there any way I can assist you, Ma''am, if you''re feeling particularly intelligent."


    Davis turned to me and whimpered. "No, Ma''am?"


    I gave him my best proud Mama smile, patted him on the cheek, and said, "excellent. Now, lead on to where your sick people are."


    So, it turns out that Farmer Davis didn''t even really know how many of his people were sick. Part of that ignorance? Because apparently he hadn''t checked in the ''ladies'' rooms'' since the first woman died. This farmstead held more people than the first one we''d stopped at, and apparently they''d managed a really fucked up kind of quarantine by putting all the sick men in one bunkhouse and locked the women in ''their rooms''. The ''sick'' bunkhouse had twenty three corpses. The ''healthy'' bunkhouse had fourteen live bodies, all of them infected, most with symptoms mild enough they could hide them. Or maybe they all just agreed to lie to Davis, I dunno.


    We cured all the men, including Davis and his sons, then set Davis and his sons to digging graves before heading through the farmhouse; it only had one story, but that story sprawled a bit. Davis himself had a suite to one side of the main room, his sons had one room each to the other side. Past the main room was the kitchen. One door, which stood open just a crack, led to a pantry, then steps down to a root cellar. The other door, which had a lock, a latch, and a board nailed over it all keeping it closed. I Mana Bladed my way through that and stepped into a scene from a horror flick. A couple bodies lay sprawled in front of the door, and from the smears of blood on their side they''d tried to batter it open before they collapsed. When I stepped into the room, I heard coughing from behind a curtain to my left. Behind that I found a twenty something dark-haired woman sitting on the floor, hunched over a tiny body. The rest of the women in the curtained off area lay on bunk beds built into the walls, looking way too much like catacombs.


    Rage flowed through my veins instead of blood. "No." I reached out through the sudden irrelevant utter darkness, touched the tiny flame trying to escape from the child in the woman''s arms. "Live." It settled back into the body it had tried to leave, and the child screamed and coughed. I Cured them both, Healed them both, then cycled through everyone else in the room. I checked the other two curtained off alcoves with beds, but they held nothing but corpses.


    "Lancaster?"


    His voice filtered into the room from the kitchen. "Yes, Commander?"


    "Deal with Davis."


    Larry stood in the doorway, clearly uncomfortable with the idea of stepping into the room. "Commander?"


    "If I have to, I won''t... I can''t..." I closed my eyes, tried to block out what I''d seen. "What I do will not be justice."


    "I''m not sure if anyone else between us and Lancaster House will have done any different." He paused, then corrected himself, "any better."


    "Then you''d best get used to sorting them out, because you will be gentler than I will."


    "I''ll deal with him, Commander."


    I nodded. "Thank you, Larry."


    He murmured, "de nada," as he left on the task I''d sent him on.


    We stayed the following day to make use of the farm''s slaughtering pen, because we needed to top off our food supplies. I didn''t see Farmer Davis again. Probably for the best. Any time I needed to speak with someone from the farm about something, Lancaster sent me the elder of Davis'' two sons. I stayed with the women until it came time to bury their dead, then helped with the burial.


    I don''t know whose wedding tackle had been nailed above Davis'' bedroom door. Didn''t ask.


    I guess I trusted Larry more than I thought.

 Day Two Hundred And One

    Dear Diary,


    I''m beginning to suspect that Larry Lancaster and his brother may not be the biggest bigots in the Lancaster area, which is pretty fuckin'' awful if you ask me. Impressive, too, but in a ''how can you be that awful and not twig to it'' kind of way.


    So yesterday, after finding the horrific conditions at the Davis farm, we spent the day making them a little less horrific, what with burying bodies, Curing and Healing the sick, and sorting out what supplies were available. After the ten of us finished dinner in the big common room in the farmhouse, Larry waved me over right before I was headed to my tent. I hadn''t been able to bring myself to displace any of the women, and the men in the house skeeved me too much to sleep in a room they''d slept in, let alone a bed. Most of the female cadets agreed with me, but Fred, Larry, and Bonita decided to risk whatever awfulness Farmer Davis and sons had left in their beds. I didn''t know where the farmer was, nor did I care, but his sons had moved into the bunkhouse with the healthier workers.


    "Commander, I had a thought regarding the civilians."


    I''d barely pushed myself to my feet, and after dealing with the horrific levels of PTSD in the women of the Davis farm all day, I wasn''t really keen on standing around. I fell back into the chair at the end of the table and waved him to one end of the benches that ran down each side. "What''s your thought?"


    He nodded, sat down, and said, "I understand why you brought Mrs. Lands and her husband along, and I suspect you''re intending to bring the civilians from the Davis farmstead along too, yes?"


    I set my elbow on the arm of the chair and leaned my head on my fist. "That was kinda my plan, since we''re also planning on taking the self-mobile food with us. Also, wouldn''t she be Mrs... what''s Andre''s last name?"


    Larry flinched a little at that. "He doesn''t have one. I don''t know of any Bag on Lancaster lands that do. I suspect he''ll be taking her last name." He heaved out a sigh. "I''m sorry, commander. After a lifetime of hating Bag for no reason other than everyone around me growing up hating them, it''s hard to accept him as a relative, even a shirt-tail one. I''m trying to do better, but my reactions... suck."


    That tickled my curiosity. "Relative?"


    He nodded. "Women and the men of Cadet branches of the family carry the name ''Lands'', rather than ''Lancaster''." He shrugged. "Unless something happens to Lachlan, my own sons might well carry the surname ''Lands''. Heroes with the ''Lands'' surname are eligible to rejoin the House proper and reclaim the Lancaster name. They can even inherit should the current head of house decide none of the sons of his body are as worthy."


    "So Azalea is what, your cousin or something?"


    He nodded again. "Likely distant enough that no one in Lancaster House remembers, but if she''s like most Landses, she can tell you each member of her ancestry back to the Lancaster that started her branch."


    A thought struck me, and I let it out because I wasn''t awake enough to keep it in. "Bastards carry the Lands name too, I''m guessing?"


    Lancaster shot me a rueful grin and shook his head. "Bastardy isn''t really a thing at Lancaster House." When I gave him a confused look, he winced and explained, "Lancaster men do not marry. It''s assumed any child born of a woman in Lancaster House is a child of one of the Lancaster men."


    I took a deep breath, realizing that the only reason I hadn''t gone off was the melancholy depression gripping me. "Lancaster House has a room like that, too, doesn''t it?"


    He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and nodded. "The women''s rooms in Lancaster House are palatial compared to that," he nodded toward the kitchen and the room beyond, "but they''re still locked from the outside."


    I chewed on that for a bit while he sat there looking uncomfortable. Eventually I said, "Y''know, you almost sound like you realize how awful that is."


    He sighed an nodded. "I have come to that realization, yes."


    "Your mom still alive and locked in the," I paused, looking for the right words. Finally I just went with, "Lancaster House breeding pens?"


    He winced again. "I... don''t know. We''re not encouraged to interact with them in any way except..."


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    "Except fucking them, I''m guessing?" A brief, wincing nod was his only answer. "You guys realize how that''s gonna wind up screwing you over with inbreeding or some shit eventually, right?" He took a deep breath and wouldn''t meet my eyes. "Look, Larry. I can''t believe I''m saying this, but I get that you haven''t been in a position to do jack shit about jack shit. You''re not even the fucking heir, what with Lachlan being a Lancaster House poster boy and all. If this shit," I waved my arm vaguely toward the kitchen, "is typical? I can''t even blame you for buying into it as a kid. I appreciate that you''re trying to do better. Probably enough that I''d cut you slack if you backslid..."


    He cut me off, raising his head and glaring right into my eyes. "Don''t."


    "Don''t what?"


    "Don''t cut me slack if I backslide. If there is one virtue Lancasters prize which isn''t just a vice painted over with custom, wealth, and power, it''s integrity. If I slide and no one calls me on it, I may not realize. Worse, I may keep sliding until I''m right back where I started."


    I shot him a twisted grin and pointed at him. "That? That right there? That''s why I''d cut you slack. But I would definitely fucking call you on it and expect you to fix whatever you fucked up by backsliding."


    He thought about that for a minute. "Fair. Thank you, commander."


    "Now, what didn''t you want to tell me about the whole incest, inbreeding thing?"


    "The men of Lancaster House aren''t encouraged to form any lasting bonds with the women of the house. The women... how could they not know their own sons?" He shook his head, looking a little green. "The women of Lancaster House are... encouraged... to avoid carrying any pregnancy to term if it''s from a man too closely related to them. By whatever means necessary."


    "Fucking Hell, Lancaster." I couldn''t even get up a decent mad on, although this bullshit did its dead level best. "Why the fuck would... how the fuck do you keep this shit going?"


    "If no one argues against it, it becomes custom."


    "You''re telling me the women don''t argue against it?"


    He shook his head. "How would anyone hear them, locked in the women''s rooms?"


    "Fuck. You telling me that this shit goes all the way down to the guys working in the fields?"


    He got another lopsided, rueful smile and said, "most of the lowest rungs of society on Lancaster lands have more..." He trailed to a stop, then barked out a laugh full of guilt and self-loathing in equal amounts. "More traditional marriages. But how are they going to protest the Heroes who keep them safe from things like we fought on the way here?"


    "Dragons are that common?"


    He shrugged again. "Common enough that I''ve seen heads displayed in front of the House twice in my life already. Wyverns and Drakes even moreso. That''s not even mentioning things like bears, wolves, rocs, bandits... Lancaster lands are the edge of civilization. We regularly see things others don''t." He shrugged. "Perhaps the Riders or Rosens see something similar, but their lands are far less extensive."


    "Well. Shit. That would explain it. I''m guessing anybody who does complain gets offed?"


    "Why kill them when you can emasculate and enslave them for the crime of ''disrespecting a Hero''?"


    Something clicked. "That''s what you did to Davis, isn''t it?"


    "I thought it appropriate, given you waxing so wroth you dared not apply justice yourself."


    I took a deep breath, then let it all out, letting go of my disgust and anger at Larry with it. Fucker deserved it, even if I wouldn''t ever have done that to him. "None of this is what you wanted to talk to me about, is it?"


    "No, commander. That would be choosing four men with some woodscraft from the civilians, leaving two here and sending two back to the Lands'' farmstead, leaving enough provisions with each to last them until the Spring Equinox."


    "Why?"


    "Two reasons. First, to keep watch to make sure nothing sneaks past us toward Phileo. More importantly, though, to send anyone coming from outlying farms toward Lancaster House, and give them word regarding the Plague and how we''re combatting it."


    I chewed that over for about thirty seconds, then said, "makes sense. Make it so."


    He pushed himself to his feet and said, "thank you, commander, I will. If you''ve no further need of me?"


    I shook my head, reached up a hand, and let him hoist me out of the chair I''d been sitting in. "Thanks, Larry. Rest up, we''re back on the trail tomorrow."


    "I know, commander. See you in the morning." He saluted me, then turned toward the master suite when I returned it. For my part, I stumbled out to my tent and collapsed into it.


    Kitten, you there?


    Yes, Goof. Did you want me to visit?


    Nah. Sleeping in a tent, and I''m kinda exhausted.


    Did you want me to bring you back here for the night?


    Not tonight. Don''t want to abandon my guys, even, y''know, symbolically. Ask me again tomorrow, though.


    I will. Good night, Goof. Sleep well. I love you.


    Good night, Kitten. I love you. Love to Marie and the menace.


    I think I fell asleep before I finished that last bit.


    The following day we hit the road, the Volunteer units rotating snow-stomping duty while our ever increasing baggage train followed along behind us. I probably spent half of the time walking backwards or sideways, watching the tail end of the train to make sure it hadn''t been attacked by wyverns, or water buffaloes, or fucking drop bears or some shit.


    That''s why I got such a good view of Farmer Davis trudging along at the back of the pack, a travois tied to his shoulders, his arms tied together in front of him. On the one hand, the fucker had it coming. On the other, I wasn''t sure I could do that to somebody. As I thought that, images of the Oranges floated from my memory. I guess maybe I could do something like that to somebody.


    Don''t know if that means I''m a villain, a hero, or just a dumb bitch trying her best to keep my people safe. Of course, ''my people'' kept getting bigger, no matter how I tried to keep it manageable.


    I took Saffron up on her offer after dinner after telling Lancaster I''d be back in the morning.

 Day Two Hundred And Two

    Dear Diary,


    I don''t know whether I hate travelling, or just haven''t had the chance to travel for any reason other than, y''know, world-shattering emergencies.


    Maybe both? Travelling through a place that made the antebellum South look progressive sure as shit didn''t help.


    Anyhow, according to what Larry said this morning, the farm the rest of the expedition stayed at last night was another Lands farm. This close to Lancaster House proper, it almost certainly had a set of ''women''s rooms''. As we advanced down the road, I waved Angel back beside me and asked her how the stay had gone.


    "Not too bad, all things considered. Farmer Lands..." She trailed off, glancing at me before continuing. "Didn''t seem all that bad. He got real weirded out by how many of us were women, but not, like, bad weirded out."


    "Not used to seeing women as anything but brood-mares and slave labor?"


    She shook her head, smiling. "Oddly enough, not that. The women came out to serve dinner for the Lands men and us Cadets. I got a bit pissy at that, but before I could say anything Bonnie told me to stand down."


    "Bonnie?" The idea of Bonnie Obol taking charge just did not fit with my mental image of her.


    The look Angel gave me told me without words that she agreed. "Yeah, I know, right? But I figured maybe she thought Lancaster would do something. Which he didn''t. I mean, other than commandeering the master suite for himself, Carruthers, Bill, and Rosen."


    "So, don''t leave me in suspense, why did Bonnie call you guys off?"


    "She didn''t tell us until she led us all back to the women''s rooms for the night." Angel shook her head. "Weird thing, she''s got an eye for details. Same with Raven; she backed Bonnie up, and the rest of us kinda followed at that point, because we all were too weirded out to argue."


    I shook my head at Angel, wishing she''d get to the point, but by now I''d gotten intrigued, because I''d be confused at Bonnie and Raven agreeing on anything too. "And?"


    "When they pulled us into the big common room in the women''s quarters, they asked us to look at the door to the kitchens." She shook her head, clearly still amazed by something. "Rider noticed first. Two deadbolt locks, an wooden bar in steel brackets, hell even a chain that hooked to the frame."


    "Okay, yeah, that does sound a little excessive. Were they worried about some kinda slave revolt?"


    Angel laughed a little. "Makes me feel a little less stupid since you''re not getting it either."


    I thought about it for a little bit as we crunched through the snow. When I saw the lead unit stepping to the side, I shook my head and said, "nope. Don''t get it. Just tell me."


    "All that stuff? On the inside of the door. The women''s side." I just stared at her as I let the information sink in.


    "Wait, so the women were the ones who controlled access to the women''s quarters?"


    Angel grinned at me. "Yep."


    I thought about it a second, then asked, "how did Bonnie and Raven figure it out, though?"


    "Seats at the table. There were enough seats that if we weren''t there? Every one of the women would have had a seat at the dinner table."


    "But..." I trailed off, then facepalmed. "Y''know, Larry''s so arrogant stupid, and Lachlan''s such a himbo, that I really forget sometimes they''re both their father''s sons. I guess some brains run in the family."


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    Now it was Angel''s turn to look confused. "What do you mean?"


    I shrugged. "Lancaster tells me that the ''Lands'' are the cadet branches of the Lancaster family. Apparently at least that one doesn''t buy into the whole ''women aren''t people'' thing."


    "So why the whole charade?"


    "Because they are a cadet branch. Not the ones in charge. If anybody stops by, they look just legit enough that somebody assuming that they''ve got the women good and cowed isn''t going to question it. But I''m gonna bet that anybody short of a Hero that tries to sneak into the women''s quarters at night is gonna find out what the underside of the grass looks like."


    She thought about that for a bit, then shrugged and added, "from what I heard from the women last night, trying to sneak into the women''s rooms is justification for just about any punishment the head of the house chooses to apply, so even if somebody found out they''d offed a visitor for doing something like that, nobody''d bat an eye."


    I took a deep breath, then blew it out slowly. "So maybe the Lancasters aren''t the high point of morality around here."


    "Then why would they hide it at all then?"


    I shrugged. "I dunno, but at a guess? They haven''t produced a Hero for a generation or three, so there''s nobody to argue their side of things if push comes to shove. So they just quietly obey the letter of the law in public, while telling the spirit of the law to go fuck itself sideways. I can kinda get that, y''know?"


    "Shit, you don''t have to tell me twice. Half of Camden Yards has done shit like that. I mean, nothing quite that extreme, because Phileo isn''t quite as ass-backward as these hicks from the sticks, but, y''know, shit like tanners avoiding taxes."


    I looked a question at her, but she didn''t get it. "Why would tanners avoid taxes?"


    "Oh, man, I keep forgetting you didn''t grow up in the Yards. Tanners operate on some really shitty margins. Like, if they pay taxes, they might not be able to afford food."


    "Why the fuck? Why don''t they just, I dunno, charge more for the leather?"


    Angel shrugged. "You''d have to ask Raven and Bonnie, but I''d guess nobody''d buy it. But everybody still needs leather shit, and nobody wants to be a tanner, so the folks born into it just bite their tongues, lie about paying their taxes, and everybody supports them on it."


    "Don''t we have some tanners in our Volunteers?"


    Angel nodded. "Yeah. Nobody wants to be a tanner. Maybe they think they can score a Guard job after this."


    "Do a lot of tanners become Guards?"


    She shrugged again. "Probably more than any other group, yeah."


    "Don''t the Guards, like, enforce the tax laws?"


    "Now you get it."


    Funny thing? I totally did. We crunched our way through the snow for a bit, until something struck me. "Wait, ask Bonnie and Raven? Like the two of them aren''t at each other''s throats?"


    "I know, right? Just started last night. The two of them shared a room, and at breakfast the two were thick as thieves. Which is really weird, because they''re like, polar opposites."


    "Opposites attract?"


    She shook her head. "Nah, neither of them swing that way. On top of that? Apparently they''re cousins."


    "Like, cousin cousins?"


    "Yeah. Turns out there''s not two big families running Camden Yards'' tanneries, but two tanneries run by two branches of the same family."


    "Wonder if their margins are really that slim?"


    Angel looked at me in surprise. "You think?"


    I shrugged. "Maybe. Then again, after the stench that came out of the barns where they did the tanning on our Dragonhide gear? I sure as shit ain''t gonna say nothin''."


    We walked along in companionable silence for a bit. "What was their body count from the Plague?"


    Angel actually smiled at that point. "Only five out of a farmstead of fifty, and three of those were some older hands who came down with it before anybody really caught on."


    "Not that I''m upset, because I wouldn''t wish this shit on anybody, but how?"


    She shot me a crooked grin, and right before she started plowing ahead to rejoin her units, said, "like half the women there are Priestesses of Hestia. They stopped that shit cold once they figured out what was going on."


    That evening, we approached the next farm just before sunset, because the roads had been cleared to a distance of about two miles out. All our troops wound up having to rough it in their pup tents, because every bed in the farmstead was already triple bunked with Volunteer units from Lancaster House. When I stepped up and asked Larry, he looked at me with more than a little poorly hidden stress and said, "we''re only a day out from Lancaster House proper."


    "What''s wrong?"


    "It''s Lachlan. The latest news from Lancaster House is that he''s been struck down by the Plague."


    I saw on his face how much that hurt him. Between General Lancaster''s eternally puckered asshole and Lachlan''s basically decent himboness, I could guess where any familial affection he''d gotten had come from. "As long as he''s still alive, we can Heal him."


    Lancaster nodded, still not copacetic. "If he''s not?"


    I very pointedly looked back at the ass end of our baggage train where a shit stain in humanoid form still brought up the rear. "That''s up to you, but if we need to? We can Heal that too."

 Day Two Hundred And Three

    Dear Diary,


    Someday I''m gonna have my shit together. Not get blindsided time after time by the same shit in a different toilet. But today is not that day. Tomorrow''s not looking good either.


    So with everybody from the farm we stayed at packed into the farmhouse proper, and the bunkhouses for the hands filled with Volunteers, all the Expedition troops had to rough it in pup tents. We handed over a few head of cattle, and the farm''s kitchen sent cauldron after cauldron of hot stew out to our encampment. Given how everybody inside was packed in, with everybody low key panicked about the Plague, that seemed like a decent compromise. With no space for our troops to sleep indoors, I made the call that none of us would bump people out of the farmhouse. Rosen looked a little cranky about that, but Lancaster, of all people, told him to get his ass in a tent or he''d be sleeping under the snow.


    Just as I sat my ass down on my shield, using my pack as a backrest, ready to spoon up some stew, Saffron asked, will you be coming home tonight, love?


    I thought about it for a half second, desperately wanting to, but eventually my grown up won out and I replied, Sorry, Kitten. Everybody''s outside tonight. The wind chill is kind of a bitch, too; we''re having to camp in the lee of snowdrifts just to keep things warm enough we won''t freeze our asses and wake up dead.


    What''s the situation like there?


    Local volunteers filling the bunkhouses, farm family and hands filling the farmhouse, but safety-wise we''re pretty okay.


    What about Plague?


    I hadn''t even stopped to think about it. Haven''t checked. I think my brain is fuckin'' frozen.


    "Well, I can''t have that now, can I?" I looked up to see her standing there in the fur coat I''d left in our room.


    Her torso bulged out, wriggled, and then the menace popped out and leapt on me, shouting, "mama!" The troops around us heard that. A few of them caught sight of Isnomi pouncing on me and let out a weak but heartfelt cheer that rippled through the encampment.


    "Hey, Menace. You taking good care of the Academy while Mom and I are out here working?" I snuggled her close, trying to settle her in a spot where the wind wouldn''t hit her directly.


    She, of course, loved the snuggle, but then pushed herself away to answer me. "Mawee an I tate good ca of ''cademee!" She looked so serious about it I just kinda melted.


    Saffron stepped behind me, then my fur coat settled across my shoulders. A moment later she picked up the menace, then sat down in my lap, pulling the coat around both of them. I have no idea how I managed to avoid spilling stew all over both of them, but after a few moments of jostling, we were all inside the coat, with one of my arms through one sleeve and one of Saffron''s through the other. I held my bowl of stew in my free hand, and she held the spoon in hers. She took her time feeding me, while the menace, after taking one spoonful of stew, decided to fuck off and run around visiting the rest of the expedition.


    "She''s absolutely fearless, isn''t she?" murmured Saffron.


    I hugged her closer with my fur-coat-sleeved arm. "She''s not exactly helpless, Kitten. Not to mention pretty much everybody in the expedition would kill someone for looking cross-eyed at her, what with her wolves taking several hits that would have done for them instead."


    "To think. Four months ago, on the Equinox, she could just barely crawl around, could only scream when that bitch stole her." A savage grin stretched across her face. "I would rather she be the danger than be in danger."


    "Amen to that, Kitten." We shared stew and watched as Isnomi visited each and every pup tent, collecting hugs and occasional bites of stew as her just due. Eventually she came back to us, grinning like an idiot. A smug, self-satisfied, gloriously cute little idiot. "Hey, Menace. You say hi to all your friends?"


    "Ya!" She looked around, then back to me, as if she''d just thought of something. "Wuff go home?"


    I nodded. "Yeah, they all went home. They helped us through the forest, then helped us kill some wyverns that tried to eat us. We left them the meaty bits of the wyverns and the dragon, so I think they''ll do okay through the winter."


    "Good." She nodded, her expression delightfully serious in that way only toddlers can pull off. Then she wormed her way in between Saffron and the mostly empty stew bowl. "Thtoo!" She grabbed Saffron''s hand and scooped the last couple spoonfuls into her maw, Saffron helping by keeping her hand on the spoon the whole time.


    Once it was empty, I grabbed up some snow, wiped the bowl and spoon mostly clean with it, and stuffed them both back in the top of my pack. The three of us settled in under the coat to watch fat, fluffy flakes of snow drift down from the sky. After about half an hour something clicked, and I muttered, "snow, snow, and more fuckin'' snow. Does it ever not snow here?"


    Saffron laughed, and Isnomi joined in. "It''s winter, Goof. It snows in winter." Doesn''t it snow in the winter where you''re from?


    I shrugged. Maybe once or twice a winter, and it never sticks around. Mostly it''s just cold rain.


    That sounds awful.


    After a bit of pondering, I nodded. Yeah, pretty much.


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    Isnomi chose that moment to chime in with, "ya, Mama. Thnow ith fun!"


    I shook my head, but said, "yeah, I guess you''re right, Menace. Been a long time since I got to play in snow."


    "Play?"


    I shook my head again. "Sorry, kiddo. Momma''s too beat to do much of anything. Marching in this shi...snow really takes it out of you."


    "Mama gone get gwounded."


    That got me laughing for a bit. By the time the laughter died down my tentmate for the night came back from making sure all the troops were bedded down with enough shelter not to freeze to death overnight. Saffron looked up and asked, "Sergeant Vivian?"


    "Yes, Imperator?"


    "Would you mind awfully if your tent had some extra visitors tonight?"


    The sergeant chewed the air for a second, looking for something to say, then chuckled and said, "I really hope I don''t keep you up by snoring. Or if I do, I hope I don''t wind up going to the gallows for it."


    Saffron put on her most regal look and replied, "I would never. Flogging is sufficient for such an offense."


    Vivian just smiled and said, "I thought you were married?" Saffron dissolved into laughter at that.


    "What do you think, Menace? Wanna camp out with Mom, Momma, and Sergeant Vivian tonight?"


    Obviously Isnomi was all for it. Once Vivian finished her own dinner, with the menace only stealing a couple bites, we all crawled into the tent. With so many bodies, it warmed up to a nice temp for sleeping pretty fast, but while Isnomi went out like a light, and Vivian started snoring shortly after, I just couldn''t drift off at first.


    What''s wrong, Goof?


    I''m not sure, I... then I realized what it was and, with a quiet chuckle, thought, I miss Marie.


    I''m afraid she wouldn''t likely fit in here by herself, let alone with the other four of us.


    Fair point. Good night, Kitten.


    Good night, Goof.


    Mimic dreamed of moss and mist.


    We woke to the kind of bright morning that only comes when everything is covered with white, reflective snow. Vivian beat us out of the tent, but Saffron and I weren''t far behind. She stood up on tiptoe, kissed me thoroughly, and then held Isnomi up for a kiss goodbye. "With all the people here, you might want to Cure everyone who needs it, set up a cordon from this road, what with all the manpower here for it and Lancaster House so close."


    "Sounds like a plan. Wait, how do you know Lancaster house is close?" She nodded to the west, where a taller hill than most of the farm buildings had been built on dominated the near skyline. The upper half of it showed more rock than dirt; I guess at some point we''d hit mountain territory, despite so much of it being cleared for farms and ranches. Someone had built a house into the side of the hill. For a moment it reminded me of all the farms we''d seen; one main farmhouse building with two outbuildings for farm hands. Then something clicked, and I realized what I''d taken for small windows were actually barn sized doors; the actual windows glittered, made tiny by distance. "Wow."


    "Wow indeed." She sighed. "With that, I''m off to drop Isnomi with Marie and head back to Newark."


    "I thought you''d moved on to New Amsterdam?"


    She shook her head, "Newark''s Curing is done, and we''ve partially lifted the quarantine to let food shipments flow through Newark''s docks, but the quarantine is still in full effect for New Amsterdam. Just... so many people."


    I pulled her close and held her. "I believe in you, Saffron Aetos."


    "And I you, Tabitha Diaz. Be well, take care of Lancaster House, and whether it be threatened by Plague or Calverton or both... rack ''em up."


    I gave her and the menace one more kiss goodbye, and then they were gone.


    I stepped over to Larry and said, "I know you want to get to Lachlan as quick as you can, but Saffron had a good thought; if we Cure everyone who needs it here, we can set this farm up as the first point in a quarantine cordon around Lancaster House. The sooner we get something like that in place, the sooner we can start systematically eradicating the Plague from the area."


    Larry closed his eyes, sighed, and said, "I... I love my brother. But he would be the first to tell me. Duty first. Duty before anything. The Imperator is completely correct, Commander. I ask only that we complete the task as quickly as we can safely do."


    "You got it, Larry." I put my hands to my mouth and hollered, "Cadets! Rally on me!" When they''d gathered, I glanced around, sizing people up, trying to remember who was good at what. "Okay, Bonita, Fred, take our volunteers and start working on a blockade or gatehouse across the road. The Volunteers in the bunkhouses will man it once we''re gone, but I think our guys are in better shape. Rosen, Rider, Raven, you three take the North bunkhouse; Assess everyone, Cure any that need it, line everyone who needs Healing up inside, send everyone that doesn''t out to help Fred and Bonnie. Bill, Carruthers, Angel, you guys do the same in the South bunkhouse. Larry, you''re with me; we''ll take the main house, then swing around and I''ll take care of any Healing that needs to be done."


    Lancaster nodded, but said, "I doubt I can pour as much Mana into it as you, but I am familiar with the Heal Injury spell as well; if I''ve any Mana left after the farmhouse, I''ll take as many of the South bunkhouse as I can while you work the North bunkhouse?"


    "Sounds good. I guess those pricey tutors got something right, huh?" Everyone laughed at that, even Larry, and I finished up with, "okay, Cadets, get a move on! We''re burning daylight, and we want to be sleeping inside Lancaster House by dark!"


    I don''t know how, but everything basically went according to plan. The Volunteers were used to being told what to do and doing it, and if they weren''t used to someone burning Mana to Cure them when they got sick, they certainly weren''t going to complain about it. The folks in the farmhouse might not have been quite that agreeable, but with Larry fuckin'' Lancaster himself telling them what to do, they shut up and did. By noon we''d gotten the entire place Cured and cleared of Plague, and an ever-expanding cordon stretching out to the sides. They seemed to get it, that they were to keep anyone from going in or out until they got word otherwise, and the folks from the farm seemed more than willing to billet them, since that meant they had a few hundred armed men to make sure nobody got grabby with them.


    The last leg of our journey, the march to Lancaster House, was both easy and hard. Easy, because the roads had already been stomped flat, the snow overnight only adding a few inches that we crunched under our boots. Hard, because the packed snow was a little slippery, and every step we took was either down into the one remaining valley or up the far side, Lancaster House growing bigger with every step.


    We entered the massive courtyard between the two huge four story ''bunkhouses'', staring up at Lancaster House itself, a six story fortress built right into the side of the hill, just as the sun dipped behind that hill. In the gathering dusk, a single man came out the door carrying a light; when he saw us, he sprinted towards us. Dark-haired and dark-eyed, he wore a fancy outfit I almost couldn''t place; right before he reached us I realized it looked a lot like the suit Raven had drawn me in for the ''wedding picture''. Fancy clothes or not, the dude managed to keep his feet despite slipping and sliding at least three times between the door and us. I''d stepped up next to Lancaster as we entered the courtyard, and so I was right there when the dude slid to a stop, grabbed at Larry''s arm, and said, "Master Lancaster! Thank the Gods you''re here. Your brother is upon his deathbed, and wishes to speak with you before he passes from this world."


    If it ain''t one goddamned thing it''s another. But that''s why they pay us the big bucks and call us Heroes, right?

 Day Two Hundred And Four

    Dear Diary,


    Fuckin'' Wagner. Fuckin'' Valkyries. Fuckin'' ''Choosers of the Slain''. Fuck them all with the entirety of the fat lady while she''s singing.


    When the guy in the fancy suit dropped his verbal bomb, Larry looked at me, stricken, clearly torn between his Duty as my XO and his need to be by his brother. "Go. I''ll take care of things here and be right behind you."


    He nodded, his relief palpable. He turned to suit-boy and asked, "he''s in the heir''s suite?" At the guy''s nod, he said, "Gregor, show Commander Diaz to the suite as soon as she''s done here."


    "Yes, sir," Gregor replied, bowing to Larry. But Larry was already gone, crossing the courtyard at a dead sprint, going at least as fast as I could have without Translocating.


    I turned to the guy and said, "good to meet you, Gregor, I''m Cadet Tabitha Diaz, commander of the Phileo City Expedition to Lancaster House. I''ve got three hundred Volunteers, ten Cadets inclusive of myself and Cadet Lancaster, a couple dozen civilians, who all could use a hot meal and a warm bunk. Oh, and a bunch of cattle and sheep that ought to be penned somewhere." I held out my hand to him. He looked at me a little weird, like I''d just flashed him my tits or something, then reached tentatively toward my hand. I grabbed his and shook, then asked, "you the butler here or something?"


    His eyes got a little wide and he replied, "no. I''m Mister Lachlan''s batman." After a moment of obvious internal struggle, he nodded toward the big ''bunkhouse'' to our right. "I believe there are open barracks in the North wing, and I''m certain the staff can open up some guest rooms in the main house for your Cadets. The others..." After a short pause he said, "I suppose the livestock can be penned in the basement of the North wing, as can your other followers."


    I deliberately ignored his banishing the civvies to the basement, turned around, and shouted, "Cadets, rally on me!" Thirty seconds later, despite the ice on the ground, the remaining eight Cadets surrounded Gregor and I. "Okay, I''ve got to go give Larry a hand with Lachlan. While I''m in there, get the troops and the baggage train settled into the North wing," I pointed to the building Gregor had indicated. "Once that''s done get yourselves inside the main building and out of the cold. Bill, you''re in charge until Larry or I get back. Any questions?"


    "No, ma''am!" If the sudden shouted reply echoing off the tall, flat walls of the courtyard surprised me, I saw from the corner of my eye it definitely had the right effect on Gregor. As Bill turned to the rest of the Cadets and started divvying up who was in charge of what, I turned back to Gregor. "Okay, batman, let''s go catch up to Larry."


    Of course, despite some pretty impressive acrobatics on his run out, Gregor maintained a careful, dignified pace on the way back. I couldn''t really blame him, because most of the courtyard was icy as shit, so I bit my tongue rather than shouting at him. I didn''t even consider picking him up and Translocating to the doorway. More than twice. When we made it to the big fuckin'' main doors, which had a ''smaller'' four foot wide by eight foot tall door set into the right one, he paused to scrape his shoes on a scraper set into the doorway. I cleared my throat and, when he looked at me, said, "look Gregor, I get that Larry really needed to be at his brother''s bedside, but Lachlan''s a friend of mine, too, and not to put too fine a point on it, but I''m a better Healer than Larry, so could you possibly hurry the fuck up?"


    When I hissed those last few words at him, he blanched, nodded, and led me inside. "Please follow me, commander." At that last word, two guys in Guard uniforms with Lancaster crests where I expected to see Phileo ones paused, obviously unable to parse the idea of me being a commander. Can''t really blame them, but I certainly wasn''t going to slow down and explain things to them. Gregor didn''t sprint, but his pace went from ''dignified walk'' to ''just shy of running'', and when he hit the steps at the back of the entry hall, he took them two at a time.


    That pace gave me time to glance around the entry hall as we speed walked through it. An area roughly half the size of the Academy''s Practice Yard with a flat ceiling four stories up, with balconies ringing the room on every side except the front. Two grand staircases ran from the corners opposite the doors all the way up to the fourth floor balcony, with short landings at each floor. As we passed the second floor I got a view of a two story tall dining hall with a huge fireplace at the far end. When we got to the stop of the fourth flight of stairs, with Gregor breathing a little heavy, I glanced back at the front wall and got a glimpse of a huge shuttered circular stained glass window with a fancy ''L'' right smack dab in the middle of it. The Lancasters were rich and powerful as fuck, but humility? Never heard of it, must be some poor people thing they were too rich to understand.


    The fourth floor had a big central room, maybe a quarter the width of the building, with doors along both side walls and a huge fireplace set right in the middle of the room, surrounded on all sides by furniture that reminded me of the ''men''s club'' shit you''d see in old British movies; leather covered chairs set in groups of one to four, small tables beside each one, coffee tables set between some of the larger groupings, and statuary, stub walls, and potted plants breaking the room up into a whole series of little almost mini-rooms.


    As Gregor paused to catch his breath, because apparently sprinting out to meet us then climbing back up four flights of stairs might have been a bit more than he could take without doing so, I heard Larry''s voice coming from the door furthest from the stairs on the left hand wall. "My brother declared me heir. You all witnessed it. Return to your rooms."


    He didn''t shout, but the way he pitched his voice, to carry as far as possible, to drown out arguments, did not make me sanguine about the situation. Leaving Gregor behind, I stepped to the doorway to see a big living room style entryway. A door to my right stood open, and despite the dim light in the room I saw the distinctive red jackets worn by Cadets and Heroes alike from inside the door. I stepped into the room, appearing maybe an arm''s length behind the guy nearest the door, and before anything else called out in the same tone Larry had used, "everything okay, Lancaster?"


    Every head in the room save Larry''s turned to look at me, but I ignored them. Larry stood next to a big four-poster bed, left hand resting atop a still form with a still-settling sheet draped over it. He looked like absolute shit. Not only was his hair plastered to his scalp after a day of marching followed by sprinting up four flights of stairs, tears flowed freely down his face. He''d inserted that steel pole back up his ass, and managed to keep his expression dignified, but... Tears. Not like, one manly tear, but a constant stream of them, enough to drip from his beardless chin. Without the slightest break in his fa?ade, he looked me in the eye and said, "Commander Diaz."


    At his words, the other eight guys in the room all tensed up, but not out of fear. Instead, they got that passive tension you could see in somebody ready for everything to go to a violent kind of shit in an instant; the kind that somebody with no experience with violence might mistake for actual calm. The biggest tell? Each of them subtly moved a hand closer to their hip, where each of them wore a sword at least as fancy as Dragonslayer had been before, y''know, I fucked it all the hell up killing a Dragon with it. I raked my gaze across them, making sure to meet each of their eyes, keeping a smile on my face the whole time, then said, "Good evening, gentlemen. I''m Commander Tabitha Diaz of the Expeditionary Force sent from Phileo to investigate the lack of communication from Lancaster House." I paused, gave them not quite enough time for that to sink in, then continued with, "Heroes Lancaster, I presume?"


    The tension in each of them ratcheted up a notch. At a guess, because they didn''t know me from Eve, only that as Commander of an Expedition, I was probably a Hero, one unknown to them, with an entire Expedition at my back. Given that they all had their focus on me, but glanced back and forth to the others anyway? I figured I wouldn''t wind up fighting eight Heroes at once, but fighting eight Heroes who each had to worry about one of the others shanking them. In return, I just smiled lazily at them. I''d killed more Heroes than this in under a second at both Newark and Camden Yards, and if I didn''t really want to make a mess on Larry''s floor, I absolutely fuckin'' would if I had to. Might wind up needing another round of deep Mana massage from Loki, but fuck it, Larry was one of my Cadets, and I wasn''t about to let these fuckers fuck with him.


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    Should they stand against you, consider it my order to you to kill them all, my Champion.


    Then one of them, who I immediately singled out as the most perceptive and thus most dangerous of the bunch, stood just a little straighter, extending his arms to the sides, palms toward me. He nodded toward me. "Commander." He glanced to the others, who had each looked at him when he spoke. "Gentlemen, let''s leave cousin Laurence to grieve in private."


    They all paused half a moment, then, one at a time, nodded and headed for the door. I made a note of the order they left, although to be honest? I''d have to recognize them by their swords and other unique accessories, because they all had that same ''stamped out of a mold'' blond-haired, blue-eyed, ''generically handsome'' Lancaster look to them. When the one who''d spoken started for the door, he looked at me and said, "may I show you around Lancaster House, Commander?"


    Larry''s hand twitched, like he wanted to reach out to me, but all he said was, "stay, Commander."


    A knowing look drifted across the smart asshole''s face, as if he''d just figured something out, but he didn''t say or do anything I could call him on. He just nodded to me and said, "later, perhaps," then left. I stepped to the door and closed it, noting that most of the Chad Squad had left Lachlan''s living room already.


    The moment the door clicked shut, Larry dropped to his knees beside the bed, burying his face into the blankets to muffle the sobs that shook his shoulders. I stepped over to him and laid one hand on his shoulder. He looked up to me, desolation in his eyes, his voice hoarse when he whispered, "I had nothing left. Nothing for a Heal, nothing for a Cure, not even enough to Stabilize him until you came."


    Something I''d been thinking about, probably mostly subconsciously since the Battle of Newark, clicked into place. I looked down at him and said, "do you trust me?"


    He took a deep breath, shook his head, but said, "I do."


    I laid a hand atop Lachlan''s still form and stepped all three of us to Metaphoric Space. Weird, but I''d never gotten to look around on this side before. Anywhere I tried in Phileo I saw nothing but fuzzy darkness. Here, on the other hand, while the room only had a kind of ethereal witch light brightening the dimness, I could see the room we''d just been standing in. The bed looked sort of solid, and the walls almost entirely so, but the sheets and blankets? Just a kind of fuzzy mist.


    Of course, while I took all that in the moment we crossed over, none of that really mattered. My attention focused immediately on the two other figures in the room, both of whom ignored our arrival.


    Nearer to us, just beyond the foot of the bed, Lachlan Lancaster stood, his body faintly glowing. I gotta say, even with the situation as dire as it was? Lachlan still grabbed my attention on nothing but pure, raw, animal magnetism. Not an inch of fat on him, and apparently his soul didn''t feel the need for clothing, so I got a good look everywhere. I do mean everywhere, and while I know I''ve shied away from telephone poles and whale cocks in the past, the man was well hung, like ''can''t miss or ignore it'' well hung.


    I tore my eyes away from him to look at the other figure in the room, an absolute brick shithouse of a woman wearing plate armor. Every inch of her exposed skin practically glowed, and a vague suggestion of glowing wings lit her from behind. She ignored us as she spoke to Lachlan. "I say again, Lachlan Lancaster, as is your right as both a Priest of Odin and heir to House Lancaster, I am here to escort you to your eternal rest."


    Lachlan lit up a bit at that, quite literally. He turned to face us, took a step closer, focusing entirely on Larry, and said, "hey, buddy. Sorry I can''t stay, but Valhalla''s calling me home."


    The moment he said that, the Valkyrie behind him snorted, then backed away, doubling over with laughter. Lachlan turned to look at her, taking a step back as she waved one hand around in front of her, palm out in the universal ''gimme a minute'' sign. After a solid fifteen seconds of gut-busting guffaws, she straightened up, wiping a tear from her eye. "You? Valhalla? Thank you for the comedy, but no," she shook her head, suddenly serious, "Valhalla is not your destination. You are unworthy of joining the einherjar. I am here to take you to Hel."


    She reached for Lachlan. I didn''t even see Larry move, but suddenly he was just there, between them, pushing Lachlan back toward the bed, sword already swinging at her as he screamed, "get away from him, you bitch!"


    She didn''t even flinch. Just brought her left hand around in a backhand that shattered Dragonslayer''s blade like cheap prop glass, then caught him across the face hard enough to throw him at me. I caught him, one hand under each armpit, holding him more or less upright. "You dare?" She didn''t rush; in fact she kept every move she made slow, unhurried, as she brushed steel fragments from her bracer, then reached for her sword.


    I lifted Larry to his feet, still holding him up, and leaned over to whisper in his ear, "can you keep her busy?"


    He looked down at the hilt of his sword, knuckles white where he gripped it with both hands, frustrated rage shaking his voice as he replied, "I haven''t even a sword."


    I leaned around him, my hands sliding along his arms until I lay one palm on the back of each of his hands. I whispered, "I got you, Larry." I pushed Mana through his hands, into the hilt, and something almost antithetical to a Mana Blade slid out where Dragonslayer''s blade had been. Black so dark it soaked up the witch light around it, it silenced everything around it in fits and starts. The Valkyrie drew, her brows beetling as she watched the blade of pure darkness appear in Larry''s hands. The moment I pulled my hands away, he lunged into action.


    I realized something immediately. Every other time I''d seen him fight, something held Larry back. Fear of consequence should he ''accidentally'' push too far. Fear of failure and looking like a fool. Fear of injury. Fear of death.


    He had none of that now, and for the first few moments it was all the Valkyrie could do to evade Larry''s strikes. She had to evade, too, because she''d parried the first swing, sliding to the side and deflecting it with her sword, only to have half of her sword melted away like cotton candy hit by a power washer.


    I grabbed a gaping Lachlan by the hand, and when he looked at me said, "sit," gently pushing him back onto the bed to sit next to his corpse. "Close your eyes." Shrugging a little, he did, and I tried to ignore how his man parts stood to attention, like he thought I''d led him to the bed for some kind of sex thing. Moron.


    I needed more Mana than I had, more than I had pulled even when Healing the worst of the plague victims, more than I''d used to reattach Angel''s arms. I turned to keep half an eye on the ongoing fight, where Larry and the Valkyrie both left droplets flying in their wake. Hers silver droplets of steel glowing white hot where Larry''d tagged her with his blade, his red droplets of blood where she''d nicked him under one eye. Not letting either of them out of my sight, I lay one hand on Lachlan''s shoulder, another on that of his corpse.


    I dropped my Blend. The thing I''d taken to be a shadow stretched out of the East wall of the room.


    I''d finally realized. It wasn''t a shadow. I had no light source behind me when I dropped my Blend.


    It wasn''t my shadow. It was the very tip of a long, narrow appendage stretching back to where Mimic lay dreaming. I pulled Mana from it, and it filled me to overflowing in an instant.


    At that same instant the Valkyrie, dodging another of Larry''s strikes, spun about and got a good look at me.


    For the barest sliver of an instant, she froze.


    Larry''s upward stroke took her at the ear, cutting clean through helm, skull, and all, sending the top third of her head falling to the side. He reversed his strike and chopped downward, carving her head from the mouth upward away, then spun his blade into another downward swing, this one a brutal downward chop that split her from neck to crotch.


    "Revive."


    In an instant Lachlan''s soul travelled up my arm, down the other, and slammed back into his body hard enough to bounce him like somebody who''d just been defibrillated. The Mana filling me never even flickered; I threw my Blend back up as Lancaster turned to me, wonder and despair warring in his eyes. I held out a hand to him, my other still on Lachlan''s shoulder. His right still holding Dragonslayer''s hilt, carving a furrow into the floor instead of resting on it, he reached out and took my hand with his left.


    I stepped us both back to Lachlan''s room in the Mortal plane, then let go of both of them. Lachlan started coughing, and without thinking about it I put my hand back on his shoulder and threw half my Mana into a Cure and the rest into a Heal. While he dealt with the inevitable regurgitation event, I turned my attention fully to Larry, who''d dropped to one knee in front of me. I couldn''t help it, the words leaked out of me before I could stop them. "Whoa there, Larry. I''m already happily married."


    My underappreciated, inappropriate humor flowed over him, past him, through him without him responding one iota. He looked at the ground around my feet, lifted his sword horizontally to present it to me, even as smoke rose from the palm of his left hand where the blade seared into him from an inch away, and said, "Tabitha Diaz, Champion and High Priestess of Loki, now and forever my blade is yours."

 Day Two Hundred And Five

    Dear Diary,


    Some days I think the strangest thing of all is how hard we all strive for normalcy. Or, y''know, how we find our way back there without really trying to, maybe?


    So yesterday after I Revived Lachlan and his brother declared his undying loyalty or something like that, I gotta say the entire situation weirded me out. On the other hand, I''d seen how Lachlan''s death hit Larry. He wasn''t faking his grief, he''d been faking holding it together until his cousins left the room. So when Larry took a knee in front of me and offered his sword, burning the shit out of his left hand as he did, I had no real idea what to do. So I did my normal thing and just made shit up as I went along.


    I reached down and put my hand around Larry''s right hand, gently lifting him and his sword. As I did, I felt the sword through his palm; a Boon I''d given him. I guess that meant I could make an anti-Mana Blade like that one, not that I really wanted to. The way it anti-crackled and hissed hurt my head a little. I pulled it back into the hilt of the sword as Larry stood, then pulled some Mana and Healed his hand. Unlike the pink new skin I''d come to expect from Healing, instead he had a smooth patch of skin like an old burn scar. "You did good, Larry."


    Just about then Lachlan puked again. I leaned over and tagged him with another Heal, just to be sure he didn''t kill himself puking up the accumulated crap he''d generated while sick. When his coughing fit ended, he looked up at me almost like a kid looking at their mom after skinning his knee. "I''m... not worthy."


    "Nani the fuck?"


    Larry snorted out a single bark of laughter, then looked at clean, empty air where the blade of his sword should be. "I suppose it was too good to last?"


    I shrugged. "Try calling for it?"


    His eyes got real big when that light drinking blade extended from his sword hilt, and didn''t get smaller when it shrank so he could put it away. Without a blade, it wouldn''t stay with his sheath, so he just shrugged and tucked the hilt into his jacket pocket. "That''s going to take some getting used to."


    I shot him a crooked smile. "You seemed to get the hang of it pretty well dealing with that she-bitch who insulted your brother."


    He smiled, closing his eyes and shaking his head as he did. "I meant finding a way to store it so it draws easily, without being able to sheathe it."


    Right about then, Lachlan started bawling like a baby. Both Larry and I walked around the bed to where he lay curled up in the fetal position. Larry reached for him, but the moment he touched Lachlan''s shoulder, the big moron''s arms snapped out and hugged my thighs to him. He kept bawling, and not only was he making my thighs wet with his tears, he''d pulled me off balance. Before I fell over top of him, I twisted around to sit on the edge of the bed. He kept crying and clinging to me. I looked up at Larry, who shrugged, so I just started patting his hair like I''d do to the menace, making little reassuring noises.


    Then he pulled himself up and pushed his face toward mine, eyes closed and puckered up. I rapped the crown of his head with my knuckles and said, "No! Bad Lachlan. Do I have to remind you I''m happily married?"


    He just looked up at me uncomprehending hurt in his eyes. I shook my head and looked at Larry, who returned my headshake with one of his own, then reached down to me. I took his hand and he pulled me away from Lachlan''s loosened embrace, then sat down in my place. "It''s okay, Lach. The nasty women can''t hurt you any more."


    As his brother crumpled down and cried in his lap, I mouthed the words, "nasty woman?" while pointing at myself.


    Larry bit his lip to keep from laughing, then shrugged.


    "I''m gonna make sure that the others get settled okay. You gonna be all right in here with the world''s biggest manchild?"


    His grin got a little lopsided, but he nodded. "I''ll be out as soon as he''s settled. If anyone gives you any pushback, tell them the heir has given you free rein to billet your Cadets where you will." He sighed a little and added, "I''d leave the top floor to the cousins, though. They''re particular about their lodgings and other perks, and I''d rather not have them start a civil war over which room they''re sleeping in."


    I smiled down at him, then reached over and ruffled his hair a little, pushing the sweat sodden mass out of his face as I did. "Did you want a particular room, or do you have one, or...?"


    He shook his head. "Technically? These are my rooms now. Lachlan declared me heir before he died, and these are the heir''s quarters."


    At that, Lachlan started bawling again, weeping something about, "Not worthy to be heir, I''ll leave."


    Larry just grabbed him by the hair and pulled his head around to keep him from leaving. "Oh, do shut up you big oaf. You''re welcome to stay in these rooms as long as you need and like. The bed''s certainly big enough to share, even if you do snore something awful." Then he looked up at me. "At any rate, I''ll be fine; if I have to I can sleep on the sofa in the other room. It''s certainly better than a two man tent."


    "That it is. I''ll see you downstairs later then?"


    He nodded, and I left the room, closing the door behind me, then closing the suite door as I went back into the big common club room. Eight pairs of eyes tracked me from the moment I left the room. Before any of them could start with any kind of anything, I announced, "Lachlan is fine; he''ll just need some rest to get his strength back. Larry''s staying with him until he gets back to sleep. I''ve got to go make sure the Expedition is billeted." I nodded and said, "Gentlemen," in lieu of goodbye, then marched over to the stair. I took my time going down the stairs this time. The third floor had balconies running around halfway up the walls of the big dining room, with ten doors evenly split between the two walls, much like the floor above. I wandered over to the nearest and looked inside. The lights were out, but the wireframe of the room showed a smaller suite than Lachlan''s; just an outer ''entryway'' room with a pair of double doors standing open to a bedroom beyond it, the bed just as big as the one in Lachlan''s room.


    I strolled back down to the front door, taking my damn sweet time after all the craziness. As I passed the big dining room, I thought, so, Kitten, how''s your evening going?


    Her reply came back immediately. Not terribly well. We''re finding higher and higher ratios of bodies and living plague victims the further we go into New Amsterdam. Please tell me your day was better?


    I''m not sure it''s better, but we got here just in time for Lachlan to declare Larry heir, then kick the bucket.


    Oh no. General Lancaster will not be pleased.


    Tell him not to get his panties in a bunch. I Revived him. He''s six kinds of broken up because some bimbo psychopomp told him he wasn''t worthy or some shit like that, but he''s alive. Weepy and still recovering from his downtime, I guess, but alive.


    A palpable wave of relief flowed from her. So the lot of you have made it to Lancaster House?


    We have.


    What''s the situation there?


    Not entirely sure, but we''ve been seeing plenty of bodies, both ill and dead, from the plague. No news about Calverton one way or the other. We''ve started setting up a perimeter about a day''s travel East of here, I figure we''ll start by checking and Curing everybody inside that, then start sending small groups to cycle through the farmsteads and, y''know, Cure the sick, bury the dead, and sort out who gets the dead folks'' stuff. God that sounds ghoulish.


    Loki replied to my statement moments before Saffron. If you were sending your troops primarily to loot the dead, that would be ghoulish. You''re simply being pragmatic.


    Saffron gave me a little bit of a start when she added, He''s right. If anyone asks, the Imperator approves of your plan.


    Shit, you two can hear each other? How long has that been going on?


    Loki chuckled and thought, this is the first time, but I believe this is the first time you''ve called on me while speaking with your wife since Yule.


    I shrugged as I hit the bottom of the steps and sauntered across the big entryway. Oh. Sounds legit. You wanna come here tonight, or...?


    Another sigh echoed through the link. I''m sorry, Goof, but I''m exhausted. Perhaps tomorrow evening? From everything I''ve heard, the lodgings at Lancaster House are a hedonist''s fantasy.


    Yeah, that''s pretty accurate. Tomorrow then; I''ll probably need some cheering up after a day dealing with dead people. Boss, you need me tomorrow?


    I ask only that you wear your raiment tomorrow. I''ll be re-watching your new follower''s performance against Odin''s vulture over and over like a child with a favorite bedtime story tomorrow.


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    Saffron cut in with, wait, did you Just Happen to someone at Lancaster House already? Was it Lachlan? It was Lachlan, wasn''t it?


    She didn''t sound upset, just amused and maybe a little eager. Down, girl. The only variety of fucking happened when Larry fucked up some Valkyrie''s shit.


    She went quiet a while, but I could tell she hadn''t gone away, just gone silent. Eventually she thought, Laurence Lancaster swore himself to you after defeating a Valkyrie?


    I kinda needed him to keep her bitch ass away from me while I Revived Lachlan, so I gave him a really fucked up Mana Blade and he left her in four smoking pieces. Then he took a knee and declared eternal gratitude and loyalty. Y''know, like you do.


    That got me a blast of almost hysterical giggles. I''d reached the door, and despite wanting to continue the conversation, knew that I wouldn''t be talking while trying to ice skate, and when I got to the side building I''d be dealing with the Cadets, so I thought, anyway, guys, I''ve got to go. Commandering to do. Boss, enjoy the show, Kitten, love you and see you tomorrow?


    Good night, Tabitha Diaz.


    Carnally if at all possible, Goof. Love you too.


    Then I was alone in my head. I went out the door, nodding to the Guards as I left. After a single step on the icy courtyard, I got a rush of brains to the head and stepped to the door to the side building. I almost landed on my ass when my foot hit a patch of ice on arrival, but I managed to grab the door handle and use it to stay upright until I got the door open and stepped inside. A pair of my expedition soldiers, clearly distinguishable by their dragonhide armor, nodded to me. "Whereabouts are the Cadets?"


    The shorter of the two, a Veteran named Leslie, nodded down to the end of the building nearest the main house. "They''re headed to the House proper once they''re done sorting everyone. Which they mostly are, what with the Sergeants setting shifts to guard the doors for the night."


    "This building connects to the main house?"


    "Apparently so, all the way at that end of the building."


    "Thanks, Leslie. Try to get some sleep tonight, work starts up early."


    "Yes, ma''am."


    With that I left, jogging to try and catch up to Bill and company. I managed to do so just as they hit the end of the cross-hallway that emptied into the big main entryway of Lancaster House proper.


    "Hey, Commander. Everything okay with Lachlan?"


    I shrugged. "He got a little bit dead, but Larry and I fixed it. He''s not dealing with it well, but Larry''s with him." If any of them were surprised by my casual mention of Reviving someone or treating Larry like something other than dogshit on my shoe, none of them said anything. "Before we go up and maybe wind up socializing, there are some Lancaster Heroes in the house. I trust them about as far as I could throw them. Hell, I trust them way less than that, so keep your guard up and move in pairs."


    "Weren''t you just moving by yourself?" asked Angel.


    I rolled my eyes. "Do as I say, not as I do. There, I''m officially a Mom now. The plan for tomorrow is to set up a perimeter with our guys, then start Curing and clearing Lancaster House and a one day perimeter around it. Hopefully the Heroes Lancaster will toe the line, but I''m not counting on it. Expect we''ll have to do the heavy lifting."


    Bill laughed, shaking his head, "so, the Dan expect the Bag to do the real work. What else is new."


    "Larry and maybe Lachlan will be helping us out this time?"


    Everybody''s face betrayed the same kind of feeling I had when I first thought about it; utter disbelief competing with eternally stymied hope, all overlain with a thick viscous coating of ''about fucking time''. Fred brought us all out of our bout of cognitive dissonance by saying, "so, are they bunking us with the cattle again?"


    I smiled, for once having some good news for them. "Nope. Follow me, boys and girls, tonight we''re sleeping like rich people. Tomorrow it''s back to work, so enjoy it while it lasts."


    I split people up two to a room. Angel and Bill, Rider and Rosen, Carruthers and Fred, and finally the pair that, surprisingly, requested to room together, Raven and Bonnie. I put each pair along the North side of the dining room balcony, and took the final suite for myself. Like the rooms upstairs the final room had four rooms instead of two. Living room, bedroom, office, and changing room. None of them had windows, and the West and North walls weren''t wood or plaster; they looked like they''d been carved out of the rock of the hillside.


    Slept fitfully as Mimic dreamt of moss and rocks and points of screaming light and vengeful darkness.


    Woke early, got everybody fed and working in pairs with one unit of our Volunteers each, first clearing the North building, then moving to the main House. The collective Heroes Lancaster were about as helpful as I''d expected, claiming they needed to remain alert for any potential Calverton incursions. They didn''t look happy when I suggested they find some way to stand watch, since otherwise we''d know Calverton was coming when they started flinging rocks at Lancaster House''s big stained glass ''L''. The one I''d marked last night as the smartest, and thus most dangerous one, whose name was ''Charles'', covered his booger look almost immediately with a greasy smile.


    "Gentlemen, while our assessment that Calverton is unlikely to move in such awful weather is still likely correct, Commander Diaz has the right of it; should they attempt such an insane journey, we would look quite foolish if we didn''t take advantage of their stupidity." They all looked at me, not bothering to hide their anticipation. I hated to disappoint them, but veiled insults like that? I''d learned to smile and eat that shit like candy back in Camden, and I had no reason to start shit about it right now.


    "Yeah, you kinda would. Before you get to it, though." I pushed an Assess Health out of my cheekbone, watching the horror melt the smarmy condescension from their faces. When the first two showed up as Infected, I heaved a sigh and said, "one last moment of your time. This might sting a little." Then, working from left to right, I tagged each of them with a full strength Cure. By the time I hit the fourth one, the first had stood up and half drawn his sword.


    "Alistair Lancaster. Stand. Down." Larry had a pretty good approximation of his dad''s ''do not fucking think of disobeying me'' voice already. When the second dipshit started to draw, the light got dimmer and noises got a little fucked up as Larry said, "Do not make me repeat myself another six times."


    I finished Curing the collective Heroes Lancaster, then turned to Larry, who''d just finished withdrawing his sword''s Blade back into its hilt. "You good to work with me today, Larry? I can fly solo if you''d rather spend the time with Lachlan."


    The rest of the Lancasters in the room took me casually ignoring them exactly how I''d hoped they would, by pretending nothing had happened before they broke up and headed for their rooms. Before Lancaster replied to me, he used that carrying voice to tell all his cousins, "thank you for taking the path of wisdom, gentlemen. I''d hate to have Slayer''s maiden combat be against my own kin."


    When they all dispersed, I walked over to Larry and, under my breath, said, "holy shit, Larry. I didn''t think you could tell someone exactly how much you wanted to off them with your new toy by saying the exact opposite."


    He shrugged. "For all his many faults, my father is adept at communication. Shall we get to it then?"


    Between the ten of us, we barely managed to finish the North building. Our troops and camp followers filled the first floor, although they had a little more space than the folks in the rest of the building. The second and third floors had Volunteers packed in like sardines, and the top floor had the local workforce packed in similarly. By the time we''d gotten halfway through the first floor, I''d noticed something and asked Larry about it. "Don''t most of the folks nearby keep women stuck in ''women''s quarters''?"


    He sighed, clearly uncomfortable talking about it, but he answered anyway. "They do. To answer your unspoken question, Lancaster House does indeed have a ''Ladies'' Quarter''; it''s functionally accessible from the back of the Dining Hall, as well as the proper entrances from the Lord''s and Heir''s suites, and some servants entrances connected to the first floor of the North and South buildings. All but the Lord''s and Heir''s entrances lock from the inside."


    "What about..." I nodded to the last Infected I''d cured, who was obviously of the female persuasion despite having the muscles you''d expect from an active duty Veteran.


    That put a lopsided, grin on his face. "You think the Lancasters actually pay attention to the difference between male and female Bag?"


    If I hadn''t seen the look on his face, heard the deep shame insufficiently covered by self-deprecating humor, I might have thought the old Larry had come back out to play, and felt some kinda way about it. Instead, I just pulled him into a side hug, quietly saying, "you got your head filled with bullshit and shoved up your own ass for a decade and a half. Not your fault. Now that you''ve finally stopped wearing your ass as a ski mask, you just gotta do the best you can with what you''ve got."


    He sighed. "As you''ve all noted, what I''ve got is quite a lot. Wealth. Power, both by association and inheritance." Something that could arguably be mistaken for a smile stretched across his face. "Good looks, charm, and a bevy of aptitudes atop all that."


    "Yeah, well. Not everybody can be as lucky as me."


    That got him; we kept each other laughing with stupid jokes about ourselves for the rest of the day. After we finally wound down with an uncomfortable dinner staring down the Heroes Lancaster, I stumbled back to my room, only to find a lack of Saffron. Stretching my Translocation muscles, I stepped back to our cell only to find her sitting on the edge of the bed, snoring lightly, as Marie got the menace ready for bed.


    "Hey, Kitten. You okay?"


    "Mrrhna?" She blinked muzzily at me, so I just gently pushed her over to flop back on the bed, then got to work getting her boots off. The four of us didn''t do anything but sleep that night, but at least we all got to do that together. In the morning, I kissed everyone good bye and stepped back to Lancaster House before breakfast, because I correctly surmised that the Heroes Lancaster would try to start shit at the most important meal of the day.


    With Charles watching carefully while trying to look like he wasn''t, Alistair opened up at me, whining, "I don''t see why we need patrol while the troops lay about indoors."


    I sighed, but before I could open my mouth to answer Larry cut in with, "so, will you be providing the cold weather gear for your units then?"


    Alistair sneered, "they''re mostly Bag, they don''t feel the cold."


    I had all I could do keeping my face blank and not just ending the asshole right then and there. Thankfully, Larry had his game face fully on. "Feel it or not, they still get frostbite, and a Volunteer without feet can''t march, nor one without fingers hold a shield. Should you not provide that gear, Lancaster House will take the cost of training replacement Volunteers from your stipend."


    Alistair spluttered to a stop, squealing things about ''traditional privilege'' and ''unheard of, high-handed tyranny'', while Charles cut in with, "of course, cousin Laurence. Since we don''t have the material to gear them all up right away, I''ll look into acquiring such. In the meanwhile, of course we''ll continue our patrols without them." He faked a considering look before saying, "in fact, it''s likely better if we patrol in small groups without volunteers. We''ll move faster, and can return to defensible locations should we see signs of overwhelming Calverton forces."


    Larry just deadpanned, "excellent idea. Make it so."


    Breakfast drama aside, today went pretty well. Exhausting, because the South building had been packed full from the second story up, with the first story full of cattle, sheep, and people who worked with cattle and sheep sleeping side by side with them.


    The only good part of the day came when I stumbled up to my room, exhausted, to tired to even entertain the idea of eating dinner.


    Got a sudden burst of energy when I closed the door behind me only to hear Saffron say, "guess who''s having a sleepover with Grandma tonight?


    Yeah, Lancasters might be six kinds of assholes, but they had good taste in furniture. We didn''t even break any of it.


    Okay, one chair, but I managed to Mineral Bond the leg back on it.

 Day Two Hundred And Six

    Dear Diary,


    I''ve said it before, I trust the collective Heroes Lancaster way less far than I could throw them. They feel like they scheme like breathing.


    Then again, after what I saw today? Not really thrilled with Lachlan and Larry, either.


    That''s not really fair, I guess. Larry hasn''t been in a position to do fuck all about that bullshit, and Lachlan... The better I get to know him, the more I realize he''s, like, the Forrest Gump of the Lancaster family. He''d make a hell of a football player, soldier, or, I dunno, mascot or some shit like that, but when everybody else got in line for brains, he went back for seconds on the himbo stats.


    So last night was pretty sweet. The three of us with a whole suite to ourselves. Marie even found a bathtub in the dressing room with, get this, running water. Not running hot water, unfortunately, but every room except our entryway living room had its own fireplace, and the fireplace in the dressing room had some kettles and places to hang them to heat the water up. Overall? Ten out of ten, would frolic and romp and engage in shenanigans again.


    Little bit tired and sore when the three of us woke up in the morning, but it was that good kind of sore where everything that went ''ow'' reminded me of exactly how I''d got that ''ow'', and absolutely all of them were good memories. The tired? Nothing great about being tired, but again, it''s not the having, it''s the getting, right?


    The two of them left before breakfast, because Marie had to get back to the menace, and Saffron had a full day of Imperatoring to do. So I made my way down to the dining room to find the rest of my Cadets already down there, as well as Lachlan and the Heroes Lancaster. While the Cadets all sat relatively straight, if not quite as ramrod as Larry, who sat at the head of the table with Lachlan at his right, the Ken squad were apparently engaged in a slouch-off to see which of them was the least concerned with what the others thought of them. When I walked into the room, Larry waved me over to the seat to the left of him. Wonder of wonders, I didn''t miss the significance of his putting me at his left hand, nor Lachlan at his right.


    Charlie Lancaster, who sat two seats down from Lachlan, with Alistair between them, nodded to me. "Commander. I''d been meaning to thank you for returning Lachlan to us."


    I shifted one shoulder in a lazy half shrug. "Larry and Lachlan are friends, and you don''t leave friends hanging when you can help out."


    At the mention of the word ''friend'', half of the Heroes Lancaster got that kumquat look. I half wondered if they trained one another how to do it, or if it was a genetic condition or something. The other half, with the exception of Charlie, got real tense, like they wanted to do the kumquat look but had been warned not to. At a guess, by Charlie.


    Before our conversation could go any further, a bunch of guys in suits came into the room through concealed doors to either side of the fireplace, carrying simple plate-sized domed trays. Each of us got a plate placed in front of us, the covers whipped off relatively simultaneously to reveal a breakfast as disappointing as it was bland-smelling. Unsweetened oatmeal, unsalted poached eggs, and some biscuits that reminded me of fast food biscuits both from their texture and ability to dry my mouth out. On the other hand, the next wave of servers brought out big steins full of something frothy and yellowish brown. I''d never really been a big beer fan back in Camden, but frankly I needed something to choke the biscuits down, and most of the flavor in the meal came from the beer.


    The rest of the Cadets tore into breakfast like we''d do back at the Academy while the Heroes Lancaster stared. Lachlan and Larry both tucked in, if not quite as voraciously as the rest of us. Charlie turned to me and said, "I suppose you''ve been in the field long enough to need to get meals done as quickly as possible, then?"


    I shrugged, swallowed, and said, "there''s work to be done, and you can''t get work done without fueling up first."


    That got a weird kind of shudder out of all of the Heroes Lancaster. Larry took a moment to say, "I''m afraid my cousins aren''t familiar with, let alone fans of the concept of ''work''. Gentlemen, you can imagine it to be rather like Marshall duBois'' Practice Yard classes."


    That got another shudder out of all of them, although Charlie managed to mostly cover his with a laugh. "Well, I suppose we deserve that. We''ll be headed out to scout to the southeast once we''re done here."


    The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    Larry looked at me and asked, "Commander, since we''ll be clearing the Ladies'' Quarters today, I wondered if perhaps our men could accompany my cousins today? Perhaps learn some scouting techniques from them?"


    That caught me a little by surprise, but after the past week or so of working with him, Larry hadn''t done anything to make me suspicious of him, unlike his cousins, who left me wanting a shower. "Sounds good to me, Larry." I looked across the table at Charlie and said, "if you guys don''t mind them tagging along?"


    Funny. I doubt I''ve ever seen someone quite radiating ''yes I mind'' energy while saying, "of course, Commander," before. Okay, ''of course, Commander'' isn''t something I hear on the daily, but you know what I mean.


    Apparently the kitchens at Lancaster House aren''t up to Academy standards in any way, because that one plate of food? That''s it. No seconds, no second course, no elevenses, nada. I hid my disappointment and looked down the table to see the other Cadets pretty much done as well. "Carruthers, Driver, Rosen, Jonopolous, you''re shadowing the Lancaster Heroes today. Aetos, MacConno, Obol, Rider, you''re with me." I stood up, turning to Larry, who had just shoveled down the last of his oatmeal. "Lead the way, Larry."


    He stood, nodded to his cousins with a simple, "gentlemen." Then turned to me and said, "if you''ll follow me, Commander, ladies?"


    The look on the Heroes Lancaster as we left them at the table, their own food barely touched, with four of our Cadets staring at them with the best, ''you gonna eat that?'' looks I''d ever seen? Priceless.


    Lancaster led us up to the fourth floor, then back to the rooms I guessed he still shared with Lachlan. We went straight back to his bedroom, only where in my suite, which mirrored his, the North wall was just a blank wall, his had a door. With the locks and such all on his side of it. He turned to me, sighed, and said, "after what you''ve seen elsewhere, I can only guess at what you''re imagining." It wasn''t my imagination that he glanced surreptitiously at Bonnie as he said that, either. "All I can say is that the last time I visited the Ladies'' quarters was before I was weaned. Which doesn''t make it any better, especially now that I''m nominally both in charge of and have access to them. Please don''t take it out on them, or on my brother. I don''t doubt he''s partaken, but I also don''t doubt he''s clueless as to why it might not be," here he wound down, looking for words.


    I took some pity on him and filled in, "kinda horrific? exploitative? systematic rape?"


    He winced at the first two, and at the third followed the wince with, "I... I hope not quite that. But at the same time I can''t say you''re wrong, either." His wry grin held an absolute truckload of self-recrimination when he said, "though I''d guess that it might be if I''d gone in. I''m told Lachlan gets a bit fawned over."


    I shrugged. "When the only contact you have with the outside world is your exploiter, you might fawn on him too."


    With that he sighed, walked over to the door, and swung it open. "I''ve left it unlocked since we got here. For whatever that''s worth."


    "You can''t change the world in a day, Larry. But the gesture is noted."


    We filed into the Ladies'' quarters, which were... way less horrific than I''d imagined. All the women we saw on entering looked twenty- or thirty-something, and if they were dressed way too scantily for the weather outside, they weren''t actually barefoot and pregnant or any shit like that, and the room we entered had a roaring fire in the fireplace, warming the room to the point where they likely weren''t cold, either. The room itself looked like a mirror of the ''gentlemen''s club'' outside, only with paisley instead of leather and fancy engraving instead of solid woods. A small percentage of the women in the room were dark haired and wore maid''s outfits, but most of the women had that same blonde, blue eyed look I expected from the Barbie Brigade by now.


    Larry cleared his throat, and all the women in the room turned, saw him, and stood. More than a little creepy, especially the way quite a few of them, including all the maids, looked at the floor in front of them, or at his feet, instead of at his face. "Ladies, pardon the intrusion, but the six of us will be checking everyone in the Ladies'' Quarters to be sure none of you are infected with the disease that''s taken a hideous toll on the lands around Lancaster House."


    One of the maids gasped, almost looked up. Larry asked, "did you have something to say?" but she just shook her head and kept her eyes on the ground.


    I walked over to her, put two fingers under her chin, and raised her gaze to mine. "What''s your name?"


    "Maddie, sir... ah, ma''am?"


    "Okay, Maddie. You just got a general fear of the plague, or did you just think of something pertinent? Nobody''s gonna punish you for speaking your mind." I raked my gaze across the gathered Barbies, then settled it on Larry. "Right?"


    "Absolutely, Commander. So long as I''m in charge here at Lancaster House, I''d rather hear painful honesty than sweet lies."


    I nodded at him, then turned back to Maddie. "Okay, Maddie, you had something to say?"


    "The top and bottom floors, Ma''am. The senior ladies and the servants. Both have quite a few who have taken ill."


    I sighed. "Okay. Larry, you take Angel and Bonnie and start from the attic, and I''ll take Rowena and Raven and start from the basement?"


    He opened his mouth, I think to argue, but thought better of it, shook his head and said, "yes, Ma''am."


    I clapped my hands together, making everyone in the room but the Cadets jump just a little. "Let''s get to it then." I waved Raven and Rowena toward me, turned to Maddie, and said, "lead on to the servants floor, Maddie."


    It put a bug up my ass to admit it, but liberation could wait for tomorrow. Today we had to make sure everyone in the Ladies'' Quarters lived to see it.

 Day Two Hundred And Seven

    Dear Diary,


    The whole ''making plans'' thing has never been my jam, and I think I''m starting to see why. No matter how much I try to pay attention, shit just comes at me out of left field, or it comes at me totally differently than I expected it to.


    Like, yesterday. I sent Larry up to deal with the old ladies, because I figured they might wind up giving me some kind of shit for, I dunno, being Bag, or not in a dress, or using more profanity than non-profanity when explaining exactly how many shits I gave about their ''proper behavior''. Meanwhile I figured I''d head for the opposite end of things, starting with the Bag in the Basement. They''re way more likely to be cool with me being Bag and all, right?


    Also, I figured if anybody gave Larry any shit, Angel could explain things to them while Bonnie talked him down, or pumped him up, or whatever. No real idea what was going on with those two, but, y''know, they''re grown ups, or what passes for them in the here and now, so if Bonnie decides Larry''s her flavor of lip gloss, who am I to tell her no?


    Okay, yeah, I''m Commander of the Expedition, and in theory he''s my second in command, which means she reports to him, but honestly? I didn''t get any kind of ''Larry taking advantage'' vibe from the two of them. Then again, I think he knows I''d ram my hand up his ass so far I could puppet his mouth for an apology if he did, so that might be helping.


    So Maddie led us down some stairs at the back of the Ladies'' Quarters, although they didn''t actually go quite to the bottom floor. They let us out on the second floor at the very back of the kitchens. Well, kitchens, laundry. I think there might have been a smithy of some kind, but I didn''t see one. I just heard that kind of metal-on-metal sound, and smelled that weird smell you got from stupidly hot fires. Then again, that might have just been somebody stirring something, and the boiler for the laundry. Then again, if they had a boiler for a laundry, they ought to have hot water, right?


    Fuck if I know. But Maddie led us around to a set of stairs that ran from the back center of the kitchens down to the basement. Okay, I guess it was the first floor, but since from what I could tell most of Lancaster House had been cut into the live stone of the hill it backed up on, including all of the Ladies'' Quarters, the Servants'' Quarters on the first floor really had that kind of fortress basement slash dungeon feel to them.


    Nah, that''s not really fair. They weren''t humid, they weren''t cold, they weren''t exactly poorly lit, although the lighting came from candles in sconces rather than the fancy lights like we had at the Academy, which the rooms in the front and top of Lancaster House had. Other than that, though? When Maddie led us to the first hallway full of servants'' bedrooms, it reminded me of nothing so much as the Academy''s dormitory hallways. They packed four people per room here, but if you got real technical about it we had four to five living in our cell at the Academy. I think the Lancaster House servant bedrooms might have been a little bigger, too. No writing desks for servants, though.


    The first room Maddie led me to had four limp bodies wheezing in the bunks, and she stopped at the doorway. When I turned to her, she said, "I''ll just lead the other Heroes to the other rooms?"


    "Just a second." I ran a quick Assess on her, and sure enough she showed as Infected. I fired a Cure at her, and when she got done shuddering said, "okay. Raven, Rowena, you guys stick together, we''ll go through the hallways here just like the streets back in Phileo. Got it?"


    Rowena replied with, "got it," while Raven just nodded. I didn''t bother Assessing the people in the bunks; even if they didn''t have ''the plague'', they had something that had them bedridden. I just hammered them each with a Cure, then a Heal, then waited to make sure none of them needed another Heal before they finished puking out all the accumulated crap in their lungs. One of them did, which made me glad I''d waited.


    The rest of the day went pretty much like that. Every couple rooms I''d have to Stabilize Raven and Rowena to top off their Mana, but that still went faster than me having to do every room by myself.


    Some time in the middle of the third hallway out of the five on the floor, Maddie took me by surprise when she snuck up behind me as I waited to see if the women in the current room needed more Healing. I mean, I don''t think she meant to sneak, she just had that quiet way of moving some people got when they lived in constant fear of someone going off on them.


    "Hey, Maddie. Did you need something?"


    She looked like she''d been arguing with herself, and kept doing it while I sat there waiting. Eventually, right after I dropped a second Heal on the oldest woman I''d worked on yet, she said, "You''re Bag?"


    I shrugged. "Among other things. Little bit Bag. Little bit Human. Little bit Vanir. Little bit Dan."


    Her eyes got stupid big at that. "You''re Bag and Dan? Both? And... they let you walk around saying that?" Weirdest fuckin'' thing, she sounded like she disapproved.


    I nodded toward the door, and she led me down the hall to the next room. This one had servants just sitting on the bunks, and I fired a Cure into each of them, then waited to make sure none of them would hurt themselves puking up muck. Three of them didn''t even puke, just kinda nodded, then lay back on their bunks. Sleep when you can get it, I guess, and we''d ordered them all to their rooms while we worked through them. "They don''t so much ''let me'' as ''none of them have the balls to stop me''. Or they figure I''ll rip ''em off if they do, so they don''t. Get me?"


    "But, surely Heir Laurence..."


    The puking woman didn''t seem like she needed any Healing, just some rest, so we walked on to the next room. "Heir Laurence what?"


    "You''re his, ah, women? Excepting Miss Rowena, of course."


    I stopped right there in the hallway and looked her square in the eye. "Look, Maddie, I think you mean well, or we''d be having all kinds of problems right now. But between the Imperator and Dionysus'' Champion? I''m kinda spoken for. Larry gets that. Also, I think he''s kinda sweet on Bonnie, and I''m sure as shit not gonna go all beaver dam on my friend like that, y''know?"


    I think the kumquat look must be contagious. Maybe something in the water. Because she sure as shit got that look on her face at the idea of Larry and Bonnie being a couple. I mean, it sure as shit didn''t register as a super comfy idea in my head, but hey, as they say, everybody is somebody''s fetish.


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    By the time we finished up the Servant''s Quarters, it was almost time for dinner. The three of us spent the last bits of time before dinner dealing with the few servants who roomed on the second floor with the kitchens and shit. The Head Maid, the Cook, some older chick whose title was apparently ''Head Seamstress''. I have no idea why, she didn''t have anything to do with the laundry. Oh, yeah, that was the fourth person, the ''Head Laundry Maid'', and then there was a woman rooming with the ''Head Seamstress'' whose title was ''Head Nursemaid''. I mean, I get that people want titles, but that was like, four ''Head'' maids and one Cook.


    I kinda got why the Heroes in Phileo did things the way they did now. Or maybe it had nothing to do with the Lancasters'' love of titles, and stemmed from Heroes being about as easy to manage as an equivalent number of cats. Cats in heat. With magic.


    Yeah, probably that latter thing.


    When we met with Larry at dinner, he confirmed he''d finished up the top two floors, although he looked a little sheepish about it.


    "What''s got you worried, Larry?"


    If his cousins had anything to say about me using his first name or questioning him, they kept it to themselves. Wasn''t sure if I liked that, because none of them had seen what happened in Lachlan''s bedroom after we threw them out to deal with Odin''s henchmaid. At any rate, Larry replied low enough for it not to carry. "My mother is on the top floor, as are innumerable Aunts and Great Aunts. Visiting happened. I was forced, repeatedly, to explain Bonnie''s position was not ''concubine''."


    I glanced down the table at Bonnie, who blushed kinda prettily as the cousins Lancaster caught enough of what Larry had said to start giving him shit about it. Luckily none of them had heard the word ''concubine''. Either that or they decided that not pissing off Larry or me, not to mention Lachlan and Angel, was the wiser course of action. Hell, even with most of them being within an inch or two of Lachlan, Rowena and Gary were both bigger than that.


    None of this really left me feeling copacetic. The Heroes Lancaster were supposed to be on our side. If one of them got some kind of bug up his ass and defected to Calverton, they could screw us something fierce. I mean, could I straight up kill Calverton''s army? Probably, yeah, but I really didn''t want to do that kind of shit.


    Again.


    When the Heroes Lancaster went up to their literal old boys club after dinner, I called my boys over. Men? Yeah, I guess they qualified. Okay, not sure if Bill did, but fuck it, he''d gone along with them too. "Bill, Fred, Gary, how was your day with the Lancasters?"


    Gary and Fred just shrugged, both of them looking to Bill for leadership. Not real surprising to me by this point. Bill himself shrugged and said, "nothing I could point to, but they''re not real happy about the situation here."


    Larry chose that moment to chime in. "Each of them thought to become the next heir. Lachlan''s promotion of me left them all frustrated, and the situation here, with more of us than there are of them? Even if Lachlan supported them, it would still be ten of us to nine of them."


    Lachlan looked distraught. "Brother, I would never!"


    Larry actually leaned over and patted his brother''s shoulder. "I know that, brother." He smiled a sad little smile. "I think that''s father''s biggest disappointment with the two of us, that despite all his efforts he couldn''t set us against one another."


    "Why would father do that?"


    Larry shrugged, and I could tell his answer wasn''t the one he knew was right, but he also didn''t have the heart to hurt Lachlan with the truth. "I have no idea. Perhaps to hone us each by competing with one another? In any case, with the two of us loyal to one another, that makes it eight to eleven. They''d have no way to be sure they could finish both of us, and despite father''s disappointment in me, I suspect he would take my word over theirs."


    I looked at Larry and quietly said, "if they come at us, I don''t know if I can stop them without ending them."


    He shrugged and shot me a sad kind of grin. "If they betray us, end them. That''s both permission and a request from the Heir of Lancaster House. Also, I''ll hopefully be of some help to you, should it come to that."


    I sucked in air, then blew it out my nose in an effort to shove the bullshit of the Heroes Lancaster from my brain. "Still, we''ve almost got Lancaster House cleared. Any surprises we''re likely to see on the third floor tomorrow, Larry?"


    He shook his head. "Youngsters, so we might need more finesse than power, and more women per room, but I doubt any of them will want to make much of me the way those on the fifth did. Heaven forbid they do so as the women on the fourth floor did."


    "Right in front of me, too." Bonnie chimed in. Then her face went beet red and she looked anywhere but at any of the rest of us.


    "You would be jealous over me?" Larry asked, a weird kind of wonder in his voice.


    She didn''t look at us, but she said, "maybe. Yes. Sorry."


    "Do not, Bonita. Never apologize for that." He chuckled. "My father will be livid, you realize."


    That got her to turn around, spluttering, "I don''t want to come between you and your father!"


    He snorted at that. "As our Commander might say, fuck him and his ''sensibilities''."


    "Buddy!"


    "It''s okay, Lachlan. I think I may understand father better than you in this."


    "Huh?"


    He glanced at the rest of us, rolling his eyes a little before turning back to Lachlan. "Father would rather we infuriate him by standing up to him than sneak around behind him."


    "Oh. I guess so."


    I rapped my knuckles on the table. When I had everyone''s attention, I said, "okay, tomorrow I want Rowena and Angel out riding with the boys and the Lancasters. Larry and I will take Bonnie and Raven to deal with the third floor. If we finish early, and I really hope we do," I paused, thinking. "Does your father have some kind of map of Lancaster House''s farmsteads?"


    Larry nodded. "There''s a map down on the first floor. Built into the floor itself, actually."


    I frowned. "How do you update it?" That got me a round of confused looks. "Really? No new farmsteads? No new little villages cropping up? Nothing?"


    Larry shook his head, staring into the distance like he''d just been handed an idea he''d never considered before. "Now that you mention it, no. Well, sometimes we lose a farmstead, but eventually someone moves back into it and starts it back up again."


    I heaved a sigh. "Okay. So if we finish early, the four of us will call the Sergeants from the Expedition in and plan out how we''re going to push our secured area outwards, clearing the farmsteads as we go. Are folks like the trappers on your map too?"


    Larry shook his head. "There are fewer here in the farmlands, but none of them were considered permanent enough to make it on the map, I guess."


    "Right. Everybody know what they''re doing tomorrow?" At a round of nods, I said, "good, because I wanna get back to my room and get some sleep."


    Of course, the moment I stepped into my room Saffron, Marie, and Isnomi appeared, which meant your girl didn''t get sleep for at least a couple hours, because all of us wanted to take advantage of the suite, both for the bathtub and for the expanded possibilities of hide-and-seek and pounce. Okay, Isnomi wanted us all to do those last two, and the rest of us enjoyed spoiling her while we could. They left in the morning before breakfast again.


    The Heroes Lancaster got more kumquat looks when I announced they''d have even more escorts today, but at a quelling look from Larry they decided to shut up and soldier.


    The four of us who went to clear the third floor did not, in fact, manage to finish early. Something, something, something, dozens of toddlers through teenagers, none of whom seemed to be the sorts to enjoy sitting still and embroidering and shit. Can''t say I blamed them.


    A few nursing mothers called the third floor home, too, along with their little ones. One of those almost didn''t make it. Probably wouldn''t have if I''d left it to Larry, Bonnie, and Raven. But as I''ve said before, I might not be able to save every goddamned kid in this fucked up world, but the ones who come within arms'' reach? Those I most certainly can and will save, and if anybody wants to make something of it, they can find out why the House of Orange has four good limbs among the three of them.


    Still glad Isnomi stayed in Phileo tonight, though. Could have used a rubdown from Marie, but she stayed home as well. Marie things to do, I guess.


    Discovered something pleasant, for once. Saffron''s been paying attention when Marie does her massage thing. If Saffron is half as good an Imperator as she is masseuse? I''d say our little Alliance is in good hands.

 Day Two Hundred And Eight

    Dear Diary,


    Back in the day, when I lived in Camden? Somebody once told me I self-sabotage. Like, whenever things are going right, I get scared that it''s not going to last, so I subconsciously screw it up on purpose. Looking back on when Saffron and I first hooked up, and Bill got killed and I wound up getting court martialed? Yeah, somehow I think I was doing that back then.


    Yeah, your girl can learn. It only takes me like what, six months to figure out that I almost fucked everything up forever?


    Anyhow, right now I''m getting my paranoia on what with nothing going wrong so far here at Lancaster House.


    Y''know, I just heard myself think that, and then thought, ''wait, Lachlan dying and Larry having to kill a Valkyrie to get him back counts as ''nothing going wrong''?'' But, y''know, Lachlan got better thanks to yours truly, and the Valkyrie was kinda a bitch who had it coming, what with laughing at a dead guy who thought he was going to Valhalla.


    Saffron spent the night, but left before breakfast. From what I can tell, she''s taken to eating breakfast with George and Mrs. Driver. Which, since I''m pretty sure Mrs. Driver is the one providing the eats, has got to be a big win for George. I mean, for Saffron too, but she could have dropped by Drivers'' on her own, but George has neither the ability to teleport nor a restaurant as good as Drivers'' to get food from. Okay, I''m sure somebody in Newark would disagree with me, but they''re wrong. If anybody in New Amsterdam tries to tell me there''s better eats there, I''m gonna remind them that at the moment, they''re all supposed to be on lockdown.


    I''m really not copacetic about how long the lockdown in New Amsterdam is taking, either. Trying to remember how long it took COVID to mutate enough to bypass immunity is making my brain run in circles around itself, because I can''t remember if I''m remembering it right, or if I''m remembering some stupid fuckin'' meme put together by some internet shitlord. Still, however long that kind of thing takes? I''m thinking we want to hurry shit up, because I can''t see Sengann slowing that jawns down.


    When I sat down to breakfast Charlie looked over at me and asked, "so, Commander, which of your Cadets will be coming with us today?"


    I shook my head, "sorry, gentlemen, but today the Cadets and I will be planning out how we''re going to handle the rolling quarantine of the lands around Lancaster House." I turned to Larry and said, "speaking of, I know the farmstead one day East of here had a ton of Volunteers billeted; are there any more like that in other farms nearby?"


    Larry shook his head, "honestly, I''m not certain. While I''m now who they would report to, we''ve had no communications from them since we arrived. Lachlan?"


    Lachlan had been focused on breakfast; today the kitchens had sent out waffles and sausage. While the sausage was nothing much to write home about, the waffles? Totally on point, and I have no idea how they managed to get maple syrup that tasted like real maple syrup, but they did it. Plenty of butter on those bad boys, too, which meant I really wanted to get done with the talky talky bit of breakfast and get my waffle on before they got cold. Unfortunately, instead of just answering the question, he looked up and, after swallowing the half-waffle he''d crammed into his mouth, said, "what?"


    Larry shot me a ''help me, please'' look, so I looked at Lachlan and asked, "are there Volunteers at any of the farmsteads nearby? Like there were in the farmstead a day''s march East of here?"


    I swear I saw smoke coming out of the poor himbo''s ears, but after a minute of concentrated thought, his eyes lit up and he said, "oh, yeah! Father had all the Volunteers called in, and the ones that he left here he spread out among the local farmsteads. I, uh, don''t remember which ones, but I''m sure I could point them out on the map?"


    "Sounds good." I turned back to Charlie. "So, are you guys okay to do the scouting today?"


    Charlie spread his hands and said, "of course, Commander. However, I believe we might go further out than we have been, since we''ve seen no evidence of anyone from Calverton within a half-day''s march."


    "How far you thinking?" On the one hand, I really didn''t want these guys out of my sight, but at the same time having them out of my hair might be useful.


    He shrugged. "My thought was to keep traveling outward until we hit the border or see some sign of Calverton''s forces."


    That would get them out of the way at least. "Sounds like a plan. Do you have some way to let us know if you wind up engaged and in need of support?"


    He waved his hand dismissively. "Should they have us so closely engaged that we can''t disengage, I doubt any number of Volunteers or Cadets would suffice to rescue us."


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    I bit my damn lip and smiled. "Fair enough." I turned to Larry, "can you make sure they have whatever supplies they need for an extended recon trip?" Larry, who had taken the opportunity to start nomming his own waffles, just nodded without speaking. I turned back to Charlie, "there you go then. How far is the border, travel-wise?"


    Charlie swallowed the sausage he''d been eating with every sign of enjoyment and replied, "with just Heroes in our group, we should be able to make the border in four days. So if we don''t return in eight days, I suppose you''d best make ready to defend against Calverton." He smiled, like he''d made some kind of joke.


    I decided I''d done enough to help the Heroes Lancaster for the morning, and focused on my own waffles. Which had lost that piping hot crispiness they had when the servers brought them out. Which did not do my mood any favors. Still, it still tasted pretty damn good, and the sausage wasn''t actually bad, just kind of meh.


    Once Charlie and the rest of the cousins took their leave and headed up to the old boy''s club to do whatever prep they had to do before heading out on their recon, Larry waved one of the butler-looking dudes over and whispered in his ear for a bit. The guy straightened up and said, "very good, sir," then waved to a couple other servers and headed back toward the kitchens. Maybe fifteen minutes later, right about when Bonnie managed to finish up her breakfast, what with being short handed, the servers walked back out carrying extra waffles for everyone. When I caught a whiff of the new round of waffles headed our way, I stood, walked down to where Bonnie sat trying to clean up where she''d spilled a bit of syrup on the table, leaned over and said, "I''ll take care of that, Bonnie. Lemme swap seats with you. I''m kinda used to sitting in the middle of the table anyway."


    She blushed, but moved like greased lightning as she swapped seats with me. Lachlan looked lost, but that wasn''t unusual. Everybody else might have been smiling a little more than usual, but I''m sure that was just because they''d gotten extra waffles, right?


    Once we finished up that round of waffles. And the round after that, which topped off everybody else at the table, so I figured I''d stop asking for more, we all trooped down to the first floor. In the central area under the dining room, just like Larry had said, the floor was basically a map of the surrounding area. Okay, ''map'' might have been a little much. Yeah, right smack in the middle of the floor it had a picture of Lancaster House as seen from the front of the house, and roads running outward from it, with pictures of farmsteads here and there. It reminded me of nothing so much as one of those fucked up maps you''d see at theme parks.


    All that aside, it had the roads and farmsteads marked out. One road ran in each of the cardinal directions, and that was more or less true from each of those nearby farms as well. "Okay, so here''s what we''re gonna do. We''ll pair up, taking two units each, leaving the rest here at Lancaster House. Raven, Bonnie, I''ll want you two to stay here and take charge of the local quarantine; nobody comes in without being Assessed and Cured. Also, I''ll need you to sort out setting up and manning some basic fortifications on all of the approaches." I turned to Larry, "unless there already are some?"


    He nodded. "There are, in fact, but they''re mostly covered by snow at this point. We''d need to clear the snow to make use of them."


    I looked at Raven and Bonnie. "Do either of you know how to Shape an Air Shield?" When they both shook their heads, I turned to Lachlan, who''d followed us downstairs. "Can you show them how to make one?"


    "Sure, but why?"


    I grinned at him, "have you ever tried making an Air Shield under a snowbank?"


    His eyes got big, and a goofy smile slid across his face. "Really?"


    "Oh, yeah." I turned back to Raven and Bonnie. "Okay, you two work with Lachlan to get the defenses cleaned off and manned. Gary, Rowena? You guys head North. Bill, Angel, you guys head West. Larry and I will head South, and Fred, you take Linus and head back to the farmstead to the East, make sure they''re getting the perimeter set up properly there. The goal is first to get everyone Assessed and Cured, then get the Volunteers to help with the quarantine perimeter." I turned to Larry, "do the Lancaster House Volunteers know how to set up signal fires?"


    He shrugged, "I''m sure they can figure it out."


    "Okay, standing order for all of them, have a signal fire ready, if they see anything that looks like Calverton, light off a signal fire and retreat back to someplace defensible." I looked to Larry, "the farmsteads are defensible, yes?"


    He shrugged. "Probably moreso than anywhere except Lancaster House itself."


    "Okay then. If they see Calverton forces, light off signal fires and fall back to the nearest farmstead, or Lancaster House if we''re closer." I looked around. "Any questions?"


    Bill raised his hand, and at my nod asked, "Do we come back once we''ve got everyone Cured and our perimeter set up?"


    "Yeah, that makes sense. I want to push our perimeter out further, but I don''t want any of us out of contact with Lancaster House any longer than we have to be. Anything else?"


    Everybody shook their heads, so I looked at them and said, "Okay then. Get whatever gear you need, grab your Volunteers, and get to it."


    The eight of us heading out took about an hour to finish getting ourselves and our Volunteers ready to go, then headed out. By the time we hit the road, I saw Lachlan blowing snow all over the place while Raven and Bonnie watched and laughed along with them.


    "Nice to hear him laughing again," I said quietly to Larry.


    He smiled back to me. "Yeah, it is."


    "Sorry I couldn''t pair you up with Bonnie, but I want both of us heading the same direction as your cousins, just in case they decide to screw around."


    He nodded. "I understand. I appreciate it, but the mission comes first."


    That pulled the smile off my face, as I realized he and I would likely be, at best, camping outside a farmstead tonight. I really didn''t want to put Saffron through that again, especially with only two units of Volunteers to secure the area.


    "Yeah. Yeah, it does."

 Day Two Hundred And Nine

    Dear Diary,


    If you''d told me a year ago that I''d have to hide my tension about people I''m responsible for, lest it re-dickify my former nemesis? I''d tell you that you must stop smoking the crack rock.


    So my plan to move in four directions at once while staying in one place without using Co-Location seems to be working. I say ''seems to be working'' because we haven''t seen signal fires yet, nor has Saffron contacted me asking why Lancaster House is a smoking hole in the ground. In other words, I''ve got no fucking clue if the other four parts of the plan are working or not. I guess at some point you''ve just got to trust that the people you''re working with can and will take care of their part of the job.


    I know what you''re thinking. ''But Tabitha, you''re smart and pretty and smell nice, so making four more of you to keep one of you with each of the groups would only make the world a better place!''. Thing is, while I might be back to the point where I can manage two bodies at a time for a while, or maybe even more, I don''t want to find out that three''s my new limit by breaking myself just now. If it turns out I have to when Calverton arrives, so be it, I''ll burn the fuck out of that bridge when it arrives, but until then? I''m gonna trust that the people I''m working with can pour piss out of a boot with the instructions on the heel. Okay, most of them, and I''m sure Raven and Bonnie can convince Lachlan to sort out the whole ''heel up, ankle down'' portion of the activity should it come to that.


    Discovered a couple things yesterday. First and foremost, while Larry and I can move faster longer than pretty much any Volunteer? We''d relied on the Volunteers breaking trail for us more than I''d realized, and with only two units accompanying us, we couldn''t exactly do that, especially if we wanted to move fast. The south road had a layer of packed snow on the ground under a couple feet of fresh snow, but that fresh snow? As noted, a couple feet, and that made for a whole new definition of ''good training''. Except this was us out in the real, heading to save people from a plague a God had made when he got pissy at me for maiming his sister. In my defense, bitch had it coming, what with the whole ''kidnapping and murdering my kid'' thing, but still, I felt like eventually I''d have to grow up and start figuring out decision trees for interacting with people, especially God-type people, that didn''t boil down to ''threaten them with a fate worse than death'' or ''apply lots of fate worse than death, along with plenty of death as well''.


    Or just choose violence and kill them all a lot. Of course, then I''d have to run everything by myself, and honestly? I didn''t enjoy learning about photosynthesis in school, I sure as shit didn''t want to be the Deity responsible for it happening more-or-less correctly.


    Second thing took a little more time to figure out. Okay, I''m not sure exactly how long it took to figure out, because Larry''s the one who pointed it out to me. The cousins? Hadn''t taken this road, at all. The snow across the road showed signs of having been stamped down from side to side at some point, but none of the telltale single person wide trails that one or two people might make. Or, y''know, eight one person trails, since I don''t think any of the cousins would break trail for any of the others.


    I moved up close to Larry so I could talk to him without our Volunteers hearing. "You think they''re doubling back to Lancaster House and, I dunno, sneaking into the Ladies'' Quarters or something?"


    Larry frowned at me, but I guess that whole ''declaring me his Patron'' bought me some sufferance or something, because he got a faraway look as he considered it before saying, "I could see one of them doing so, perhaps, but only if they''re splitting up after they leave the house. None of them would want the others to intrude on something they want so dearly as their own." After another pause for thought while we trudged forward, he followed up with, "also, I think they''re legitimately doing what they''ve said they''ll do. Outright lying is beneath a Lancaster, and they know that." He shook his head. "Most likely they took the West road, intending to cut South. we control the bridge to the West, Calverton controls the bridge to the South, so I can see why they''d do it if they''re concerned about bridges."


    "Okay, fair. Don''t take offense, but I really don''t trust them at all, Lancaster or not."


    He smiled at me, a genuine thing completely without mockery. "No, no, you''re completely right in that. They''re about as trustworthy as a pack of vipers. But they have rules they follow, nonetheless; mostly because they''re all terrified of father, and know that he''d deny them the position of heir if he caught them doing something unworthy of the Lancaster name."


    The third thing we discovered? Nothing terrified either of us so much as the sound of a single hoarse cough just before we came in sight of the next farmstead. The moment we heard it Larry plowed forward like a man possessed, rushing ahead of the troops, and I stepped as far toward the farmhouse as I could. The farmhouse proper stood a full story taller than the ubiquitous pair of outbuildings, but I got a sudden rush of brains to the head and decided not to step to the icy, snow covered roof. I stepped to the side of the building to see a heavyset guy paused in the act of moving toward one of the outbuildings via a ''T'' shaped path of beaten snow in the open space between the buildings. He''d stopped to hack up a lung, and he''d dropped one of the two steaming sacks in his hands to clutch at his chest. I stepped to his side, grabbed the bag from his other hand before he dropped it, then hammered him with a Cure followed by a Heal. I barely managed to rescue the other sack before he vomited all over the ground. My slacks weren''t nearly as lucky.


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    While he emptied out a week''s worth of mucous, I caught the smell of roasted meat and fresh baked bread coming from the sacks in my hands. "This meant for the folks in there?"


    He glared up at me, still coughing, and nodded. "Okay, I''m gonna take it to them, you can come along when you''re done, or wait for Lancaster, he should be along presently."


    With that I went inside, only to find a bunkhouse filled with dead and dying bodies. I set the bags of food down on the first bit of clear floorspace I could find, then set to work. Cure, Heal, move on, keep an eye on the ones coughing their lungs clear; if they faltered before getting vaguely vertical I hit them with another Heal. About a quarter of the way through the building Larry arrived and immediately said, "Diaz, the farmhouse." When I shot him an aggravated look, before I could even light into him about his ingrained classist bullshit, he said, "the children will be in the Ladies'' Quarters."


    Fuck. "Keep working here, get the dead bodies outside and away from anybody living. Get the troops burying bodies, clearing snow, and cleaning up this crap."


    The big guy I''d Healed earlier had followed Larry in, and he opened his mouth to say something about that, but I didn''t stop to listen. I stepped to the front door of the farmhouse, pushed my way in, then headed for the kitchens behind the entryway slash dining hall. The door at the back of the kitchens had a fancy lock. Fortunately Mana Blade beats lock any day.


    The sight of a row of cribs with tiny, still bodies greeted me, and rage overtook me. "No."


    In a world of wireframe, I reached out to those tiny, still forms and the women laying nearby. "Live."


    I ignored the tearing sensation as Mana rushed into me, through me, and surrounded every formerly and again living thing in the room.


    Time and light rushed back into the room, suddenly filled with the cries of babies and the wondering voices of their mothers. I stumbled back out of the room, out of the farmhouse, and over to the other outbuilding. I kicked in the door and walked down the row, Curing and Healing every body I passed. Some of them didn''t start vomiting. Most of them did. I staggered up the steps to the second floor, pushing myself to get at least one Cure and Heal into everyone in the building while my vision narrowed, blackness unbroken by wireframe flickering around the edges.


    I stepped back to the first outbuilding, pushed past the Volunteers, the farmer, and Lancaster to get to the stairs. I shoved Cures and Heals into everyone there. When I hit the wall, literally, at the far end of the building, I stepped back to that room with the kids, looking for stairs there. I stumbled up those stairs to find an empty floor, then up another flight to find a room with a few old women, some still, some still praying in front of an altar at the back of the room. I Cured and Healed every body I saw, then stepped back to the main room, my vision half full of darkness and static. Blessing the open balcony design, I stepped from doorway to doorway, leaning in and Curing and Healing any bodies I saw. By the time I got to the master suite in the top right corner of the building, I barely registered a pair of still forms lying atop the covers. I Cured them, Healed them, and when that didn''t work, poured Mana into them, that one terrible word, "Live," echoing in my own ears.


    I heard a baby cry over the static in my ears, then everything went black.


    I woke with my head buried in a much nicer kind of black. My everything ached, but amazingly nothing felt like I''d broken it. Then again, my whole body tingled as I took in Saffron''s closed eyes, her face bowed over me. "Hey, Kitten."


    A smile stretched across her face before her eyes slid open. "Welcome back, Goof."


    I worked my lips, trying to get rid of a pretty awful case of cotton mouth. "How long was I out?"


    Lancaster''s unmistakable voice intruded on the pleasant sensation of the back of my head against Saffron''s thighs. "You passed out after Curing, Healing, and even Reviving most of the farmstead. Your wife arrived in the evening and took over caring for you. I''ve set the Volunteers billeted here to setting up a perimeter to the south, both for purposes of quarantine and as an early warning against Calverton incursions.


    "That''s nice. How. Long."


    "Just over twenty four hours, love." Saffron brushed my hair back, then leaned over and kissed my forehead. "It''s almost dusk on Saturnday."


    "Have you been here this whole time?"


    She nodded. One of me has. Praying for you to wake up. I''d ask you not to scare me again, but...


    But what?


    In this instance, I find the results too adorable to resist. Perhaps even a bit adorkable, as you would say.


    "Huh?"


    She looked over to where Lancaster had spoken and said, "go tell them they can come in now."


    My achy neck didn''t want to turn, but I managed to flop it enough to the side to see a grinning Lancaster pull the door open. An absolute herd of women, each one carrying at least one rugrat, flowed into the room.


    I heard the laughter bubbling through Saffron''s voice as she said, "My dear Commander Tabitha Diaz, may I introduce to you your namesakes. Ladies, Tabithas, my darling wife, Commander Tabitha Diaz."


    I couldn''t help the stupid, goofy grin on my face, or the pained, "oh, fuck me," that slipped out either.


    I felt really bad for the little dudes in that crowd of babies.

 Day Two Hundred And Ten

    Dear Diary,


    You ever read that meme about ''people worry about going back in time and changing shit, but don''t worry about changing the future? Yeah, I''ve been thinking about that a lot lately.


    I remember back in Camden I once watched this old movie about a dude who just kinda wandered through life, interacting with historical figures and events in ways that altered shit. Not, like, ''alternate history'' changed shit, but ''history would have been different if he hadn''t been there'' changed shit. I figure what with magic working in the here and now, that might have made history a little different, but to fuck everything up this bad must have taken some concerted effort.


    Like, I kinda get that nations are a sort of modern thing; prior to that there were kingdoms that controlled a bunch of land, and even empires that pulled together multiple kingdoms, but there weren''t big assed plots of land where no matter what color, size, shape, religion, or whatever you were, you could say something like ''I''m French''. Like, I think the earliest place like that would have been China, but even there it broke apart a bunch of times before everybody bought into the whole ''China is us, everyplace else is not-China'' thing.


    Makes me wonder what''s up with China in the here and now. Like, there''s that old lady in Phileo who sells spices, but honestly I''m not sure if she''s Chinese, or Thai, or, I dunno, Vietnamese or whatever. I got a Chinese vibe off of her with that whole ''civilized language'' thing, but fuck if I know whether China''s the only place that acts like that here, or even back in Camden-Earth. I really gotta go see if she''s okay or not. Plague generally doesn''t play nice with older people. Then again, she had all those spices and herbs and shit, maybe she had some freaky penicillin powder or something? Think once I get back to Lancaster House I''m gonna go check on her. And buy some spices for the Ladies to mess around with.


    That brings me back around to my whole point about changing shit. That gaggle of Ladies who burst into the room when Lancaster told them I''d woken up? Totally not in the Ladies'' rooms. Women''s rooms. Whatever, I''d collapsed in the master suite, and what with the dude being all grateful about me saving his wife and kid, he just had them install me in the bed right there. Between the women low key threatening to revolt if they didn''t get to see me once I woke up, and Lancaster backing them? Yeah, I''m not sure if they''ll be moving out of the women''s quarters today, but I''m pretty sure the locks and shit are gonna be either gone or on the women''s side of the doors from now on.


    Baby steps, I guess. Even if sometimes they''re Isnomi-esque baby leaping faceplants.


    After I got to hold and babble mindlessly at each and every baby at the farm, which apparently had some serious revels at last years ''beginning of spring'' New Years party, given the number of infants in the hizzouse ten months later, Saffron chased everybody out so I could get some more rest. I mean, I offered to head back out to my tent, or even crash down in the dining room, but Saffron wasn''t having it. Once we had the room to ourselves, she hopped back and brought Marie and the menace along.


    Both of whom glomped me thoroughly, then heard me mention ''babies''. The menace hopped down and tiptoe-sprinted to the door, and Marie shot me a longing look. I said, "go ahead," and the two of them went out to meet and greet with Isnomi''s peers. Almost peers? Shit, she''s so much older than them now, isn''t she? I mean, only like a year by the calendar, but most kids won''t be doing the shit she''s doing until they''re five or six, at least. I looked up at Saffron and said, "they grow up so fast, don''t they?"


    She sighed, smiled, and pulled me down to lie next to her. "They do. Ours most especially so. It''s good she''s making friends, though."


    I snorted. "most of them are closer to loaves of bread than people at this point though."


    She raised an eyebrow. "Are you telling me you think her incapable of forming a lasting impression on them, then?"


    I shook, my head, laughing. "Oh, hell to the naw. But I''m thinking the impressions are mostly going to be one way, with her putting her stamp on them. Growing up with a mark on their ass or hand or forehead or some shit that says, ''Property of Isnomi Aetos, fuck with me at your peril''."


    Saffron flicked me on the forehead. Then she reached down and slapped my ass before taking my hand in hers. "Isnomi Aetos-Diaz, Goof."


    I smiled at her, more than a little goofiness in the smile. "Yep. She is, isn''t she?"


    "Yes. She takes after her mother, you know."


    "Not gonna forget that any time soon, what with her being all advanced for her age and brilliant and shit."


    She just sighed and pulled my hand to her lips to smooch it a bit, then said, "I meant you, Goof."


    "Huh?"


    That pulled a laugh out of her, which made me smile, since I hadn''t intended anything of the sort. "Leaving her indelible stamp on those around her."


    "Pfft. You make me sound like one of those ''Great Men'' historians talk about."


    She smiled and ran her hand down my front, stopping when she ran out of front. "Oh, I am absolutely aware that you''re not a man, love." Canoodling may have ensued after that, stretching itself out until Marie and the menace returned, at which point we all snuggled into bed and slept through the night.


    Mimic dreamt of moss and stones. I guess that means they''re not rolling?


    In the morning, after we''d all dressed for the day, Saffron leaned over and bonked her forehead into mine as I sat on the edge of the bed, steeling myself for their departure. "I''m sorry I have to leave, Goof. But I don''t feel confident leaving Ophelia and the General alone with Mrs. Driver and George today.


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    "No worries, Kitten. I''m not crippled or anything, just tired."


    "I expect you to rest."


    "I''ll get what rest I can, when I can, I promise, but I''d rather wind up tired and maybe a little beat up than let more kids die."


    She sighed, hugged me, then it was goodbye kisses and the three of them were gone.


    I meandered my way down to breakfast, only to find that not only did this farmstead do waffles at least as well as Lancaster House, every single mom I''d impressed insisted on making me at least one, sometimes more. Nobody else starved or anything, but I had, like, endless waffles to nom as I discussed the day with Larry.


    "Your heroic efforts and collapse notwithstanding, we''ve been remarkably successful here, Commander." I waved a fork at him in a ''go on'' gesture. I had buttery waffles to nom. Wouldn''t be polite to engage in non-nomming when I could avoid it. Larry shot me a crooked grin before continuing. "With the larger farmstead here, as well as fewer hands to begin with, we managed to free up a few dozen units of Volunteers. I had them clearing snow and expanding our perimeter both east and west of this point throughout the day. It will take a day or two for them to reach the neighboring farmsteads, but once they do, and once the units clearing snow back to Lancaster house finish their work, we''ll be able to move all of the Volunteers there and here to meet any direct push by Calverton towards Lancaster House."


    I frowned. "Does Lancaster House have the capacity to take in any non-combatants we need to evacuate?"


    He looked at me like I''d just smacked him in the head with a trout. After a minute of thinking, opening his mouth to speak, then shaking his head and starting over, he finally decided on, "I''d never considered it before, but I suspect we do. We might have to move the Volunteers out of the wings, but if non-combatants need shelter, the Volunteers likely should be in the field."


    I''d spent that minute disappearing another stack of waffles. When he finished, I swallowed and said, "cool. I think we''d want at least one unit of Volunteers to stay in each wing, both to guard the doors and to keep the peace if need be. Oh, set up an Infirmary in one of the wings for any Volunteers too beat up to keep going. Interchangeable parts or not, they''re not disposable parts. You get me?"


    He nodded. "Believe it or not, there is already an infirmary set up in each Wing for just that purpose." At my questioning look while I nommed another waffle, he explained, "Father would consider allowing a Volunteer to die when they could be returned to duty extremely poor stewardship."


    "Huh. Yeah, I guess that tracks." Inspiration stuck me completely out of nowhere, like it do. "Hey, am I completely misremembering the map back at Lancaster House, or are the farmsteads basically set up in a big old grid pattern?" When Larry looked super confused, I explained, "like, any given farmstead has another one about a day''s travel to the east, west, north, and south?"


    That got the idea across; I watched it sink home then explode into enlightenment. "I have no idea why I''d never realized that before." He shook his head. "I suspect father knows, at least in an intuitive sense. Also, many of the farmsteads around the edges of Lancaster House territory are really closer to villages than simple farmsteads, but they still more or less fit that pattern."


    "Pretty much anybody travelling in the area knows that, right? And they''ll be sticking to the roads as well, if they come looking for help?"


    "Almost certainly, if they''re seeking help with the plague or any other natural disaster. If they''re fleeing Calverton troops, they''re more likely to head cross country. Then again, Calverton might stay off the roads to avoid notice." He ran out of breath and grabbed another waffle without thinking about it; apparently he''d been worried that I''d bite his hand if he took some from the serving tray between us. Given that the kitchen seemed to be trying some kind of ''can we make more than she can eat'' thing, I really didn''t see the need to. Besides, good boys get waffles. Positive reinforcement. That''s the shit you''re supposed to do, right?


    "Okay, that means that for the quarantine, we can pretty much just keep a unit of Volunteers at each farmstead crossroads once we''ve cleared it, with instructions to quarantine anybody who comes in from non-cleared farms."


    Larry nodded. "We can also see if there are any farmsteads who have an abundance of Clergy capable of Assessing and Curing those who come in; keeping them with the outer cordon of Volunteers would mean we can address anyone who needs it on the spot instead of making them cool their heels."


    "Now we''re cooking with gas. Nice. Okay, we''re still gonna need to put up an actual perimeter along the southern edge of our cleared space. I''m thinking we place units just within sight of each other, with instructions to light off a signal, then retreat back up our grid, bringing the non-combatants with them, if they see Calverton''s army?"


    "So long as we station them at the tops of ridges, that should work. Otherwise we won''t have enough Volunteers."


    I shrugged. "Ridge tops it is. They''ll be kinda visible, but if we clear the roads, they''re stationed on or near them, and Calverton''s coming along uncleared roads or cross country, they''ll be able to break contact and get their asses back to report poste haste, right?"


    He nodded enthusiastically. "We might just be able to make this work. So long as we have a mobility advantage and are on the defensive, we should be able to meet them with the bulk of our forces, at locations of our choosing." He gave me a speculative look. "Are you sure you haven''t had any classes on strategy and tactics yet?"


    I shook my head. "Nah. Might have read a book about it once." That wasn''t technically a lie. I''d read a translation of ''Art of War'' one day when I''d been super bored back at Eastside. Thing is, none of this was ''military'' knowledge, not even ROTC knowledge. Everything I''d thought about was based on what the drug dealers back in my old Camden did; posting lookouts with good legs and clear lines of sight, looking at the world through a lens of ''corners'' and ''streets'', all of it. Just because somebody''s from the hood and has an illegal profession doesn''t make them stupid, and even stupid people can benefit from institutional knowledge. Even if the ''institution'' in question is a gang or culture of gangs.


    Our plans in place, we set down to some serious waffle destruction. When Larry put his silverware down on his plate with a satiated sigh and said, "any more and I''ll make myself sick, which would be a shame given how hard the ladies worked on these," I hopped up out of my chair, walked back to lean into the kitchen.


    "Thanks for the waffles, ladies, but Lancaster and I need to get to work now." That got me an unexpected round of hugs and ''thank you''s from the women in the kitchen, but after they''d all had their chance to say thanks one more time, he and I escaped to the frozen weather outside. As Lancaster shivered in the cold as we walked over to where the Volunteers had formed up, I thought, hey Boss? How does a Patron give somebody a Boon?


    Simply will them to have it, and they do. I suspect were it any more complicated, Ares'' followers might be boonless.


    That pulled a laugh out of me. Thanks Boss. You''re the best.


    I know. You''re very welcome, Tabitha Diaz.


    Before we got started for the day? I dropped that ''fuck cold, I got shit to do'' Jotnar whammy on Lancaster. I mean, fuck it, he went to all the trouble of making me his Patron, he might as well get some perks and bennies from it, right?


    No, Lancaster will not be getting horizontal mambo benefits. Even if the thought didn''t dry my privates like industrial strength talcum powder, I''d never snipe a friend like that, and Bonnie definitely qualified.

 Day Two Hundred And Eleven

    Dear Diary,


    The more things change, the more they stay the same. I didn''t understand that as a kid. Now? I think I''m starting to get it. I''m in a whole different world, but moms are still moms, kids are still kids, food''s still food, and work, no matter how weird, is still boring.


    So, after working all day yesterday to get the Volunteers mostly spread out, I was ready to collapse at the end of the day. Not so much from physical exhaustion, although I''d pushed myself there. Definitely not from that whole strained Mana thing either, oddly enough, although I think that took its toll on my Endurance as well. Mainly? I''d just spent the day playing cheerleader. Telling people the decisions they''d already more or less made, about shit they knew way better than me, were the right ones. If I really didn''t get it, I''d ask them to explain themselves, and they''d usually make the decisions themselves at that point anyhow. Once in a while I needed to clarify our goals or shit like that, but for the most part? Just throwing myself at the work as another slightly less prone to frostbite warm body, then agreeing with whatever the Sergeants said.


    I still enjoyed the nice bed the farmstead owner insisted I use. Saffron, Marie, and Isnomi all showed up for dinner. If dinner wasn''t nearly the mass quantities I''d come to expect at the Academy, nor the quality I expected what with centuries old Maids doing the cooking, I definitely got the idea that the stuff was made with love. They''d even gone all out with the presentation, cutting veggies into fanciful shapes, sculpting the mashed yams similarly. Hell, even the steaks had neat grill marks on them; not just the stripes you''d expect from a barbeque grill, but, like, neat little shapes seared into them, like hearts or diamonds.


    No idea how they did it, and I certainly wasn''t one to pass up a free meal. I also wasn''t going to be That Bitch and ask for waffles instead. At the end of the meal, on our way up to bed, I stopped by the kitchen to thank the women who''d made the food. Isnomi took off and visited each of the infants dangling in little papoose rigs. I watched for a bit, then looked at Marie and asked, "can you bring her up when she''s done? I''m kinda beat."


    At her nod, Saffron and I made our way to the master suite up on the third floor. If my arm over Saffron''s shoulder was at least as much me leaning on her a little to keep upright as it was pulling her to my side for the intimacy, she didn''t say anything. She just leaned into my side and purred contentedly. I might have, too, although I''d emptied the tank to do much more than that. Some light canoodling once we got to the bedroom and shed most of our respective attire. A lot of that we did for each other, because she had about as much juice left in the tank as I did.


    "Council getting stupid?"


    She shrugged. "About what you''d expect. I wasn''t exactly perfectly on point while I watched over you, so Ophelia took advantage a little bit. Not too much, mind you, just enough that General Lancaster felt he needed to push back, which led to him taking advantage a little himself. Today I had to bring them both back to heel. Without actually offending either of them, of course."


    "Feel free to use me as a big stick. I really don''t want to wind up a villain, but if it takes me playing the bogeyman with the Council to get shit done, to drag the Cities kicking and screaming to a place where kids live to see adulthood? Paint me green and call me She-Hulk." That wound up with me trying to explain the entire MCU while mentally exhausted to Saffron, who was equally exhausted. Midway through, we looked at each other, laughed, and went back to canoodling until Marie and the menace made it to the bedroom. If the goodnight kisses Marie got from Saffron and I were a little longer and a lot more mouth-to-mouth than the ones Isnomi got, she''s the one who wanted to be a Big Girl, she can put her Big Girl panties on and suck it up.


    More rocks and moss in Mimic dreams. Slowly rooching over the big rocky area toward that meadow. Really slowly, and trying to make sure she didn''t drag her bits out of the lake, either.


    In the morning the family stayed for breakfast at my insistence. Good waffles are good. After we finished eating, hugs and kisses were had by all. Hell, Isnomi walked over to Lancaster, held her arms up, and when he picked her up, glomped onto him and said, "hab a gud day!" before dropping back down and scampering back to Marie. A moment later, they were gone.


    "I did not expect that." Larry had the weirdest look on his face.


    I sighed, "yeah, sorry, she has a mind of her own and an impish streak a mile wide. I''d have warned you, but I had no idea she''d do that."


    He shook his head. "Like mother like daughter, eh? Don''t worry about it. It''s odd and unexpected. Not bad." He took a moment to straighten his uniform, then looked back to me. "So, Commander, what''s on the schedule today?"


    I thought about it for a tick, then said, "we''re going to make sure our Sergeants know what to do here, then leave them in charge while we go touch base with Fred and Linus, update them on the new plan, then set them to gathering their troops, leaving one unit behind then moving southward; they''ll head eastward from there. Then we''ll check in at Lancaster House, just to make sure everyone there is doing okay, then the two of us head west to catch up with Angel and Bill."


    He sucked in a lungful of air, then blew it out, as if setting himself to confront something. "Sounds like a full day. Shall we be about it then?"


    I nodded to him. "Lead the way,"


    It took us less than ten minutes to find the two Sergeants we''d brought with us and explain things to them. They''d been with us when we started setting things up, so they knew what they needed to do. If they looked a little shocked at us putting the two of them in charge, they didn''t argue about it. Once we''d finished, I reached out a hand to Larry. He took it kinda like that whole Carl Weathers, Arnie Schwarzenegger hand clasp from the Predator meme. Only with, y''know, way less testosterone and way smaller biceps. I stepped us to the farm to the east of Lancaster House, where we spent about a quarter of an hour tracking down Fred, who was at the northernmost point they''d extended their line to, then another ten minutes collecting Linus, who was at the southernmost point. On the way we gathered up all the troops they''d deposited. I heard some quiet grumbling, but more along the lines of ''make up your damn mind'' than ''why are we listening to these kids again?''


    To try and make sure all of them had the right idea, once we''d gathered them all, I hopped up on a big old boulder alongside the road and addressed them. "Okay, new plan. The only reason people are gonna be heading cross country is if they''re from Calverton or being chased by Calverton. With that in mind, we''ll be stationing one unit at each farmstead along the east, west, and north sides of our quarantine zone. For those of you at farmsteads, your job will be to keep anyone from un-cleared farms, who might be carrying the plague even if they don''t realize it, from travelling past you. We''ll try to get some Clergy or other Healers to those of you at the edges of our quarantine zone, but until then if you see someone from outside the zone, just make sure they have food and shelter and send a runner to Lancaster House. We''ll get someone to you as quick as we can."


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    I took a deep breath, making sure I saw at least a few nodding heads, and nobody Veteran or above looking lost. "For the rest of you, you''ll be manning the east-west anti-Calverton line, which is starting one day south of Lancaster House; we''ll push that further when we can. You''ll be set up within sight of each other, but otherwise as far as terrain permits. Your job, if you see an advancing Calverton army, is to light off a signal fire, then back away, gathering at the farmsteads, then pulling yourselves and any non-combatants back until we can meet them with the bulk of our troops all at once. At least to start, you''ll be travelling on cleared roads and they won''t, so you should be able to break contact and back away before they catch you."


    I looked around the collected Volunteers, then at Fred and Linus. Linus looked a little lost, but Fred just nodded his understanding. "Okay, you all know what you have to do, if you hit any snags or have any questions, Cadets Jonopolous and Carruthers will sort them out. Everybody clear on what you have to do?"


    They all nodded and muttered out, "yes, Ma''am."


    I smiled, cupped a hand behind my ear, and shouted, "you sure about that?"


    This time they sounded a lot more confident. Louder, anyhow. "Yes, Ma''am!"


    I nodded and said, "then I''ll let y''all get to it."


    As the collected troops sorted themselves out into something approaching a column, I hopped down, walked over to Fred and Linus, and quietly said, "you guys get all that?"


    Fred said, "I got it, Commander Diaz." He could have sounded like a smartass, but he smiled when he said it.


    For his part, Carruthers just kinda nodded, although he still had that perpetually lost look on his face. I looked him in the eye and said, "if you have any questions, ask ''em now, because Larry and I will be leaving in a minute."


    He just shrugged and said, "sorry, Diaz. I can''t really think of anything other than, ''can you repeat that all again?'', which would just be stupid."


    I laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. "Extra short version. We''re forming a line to the south and putting one unit of Volunteers at each farmstead on the perimeter otherwise. If you''ve got any questions after we''re gone, I''m sure Fred will be able to answer them, right Fred?"


    "You got it, Commander."


    "Okay then." I reached out, grabbed Larry''s shoulder, and stepped us back to Lancaster House.


    We arrived in the fourth floor boy''s club, since I figured that would be empty at the moment. I was right. It took us a bit to find any of the Cadets, because I got caught with a sudden case of stupid. After going to their rooms and checking the dining room, because it would be lunch soon, I looked to Larry with a ''where is everybody'' shrug. He turned to the nearest butler-esque dude and said, "Donnie, where are the Cadets?"


    Butler-lite Donnie replied instantly. "Cadet Obol is in the Map Room, while Master Lancaster and Cadet Aetos are working with Volunteers to clear snow from the walls, milord."


    Larry looked at me and raised an eyebrow. "Thanks, Donnie. Good thinking, Larry. Let''s go pay Bonnie a visit."


    That dropped his eyebrow right quick. When we got down to the Map Room, Bonnie knelt near the middle, right where Lancaster House was pictured. She had piles and lines of things around her. When I got close enough, I saw that she had a whole pile of uncooked yams arranged around Lancaster house, with three apples sitting right on the image of the House itself. Looking around, I saw a pile of yams to the east, as well as two yams and apples each to the north, south, and west.


    "One yam per unit?" I asked as I approached. She jumped a little, because she''d been focused on carefully arranging the yams around the House.


    When she caught her breath, she stood and said, "yes, Commander. I know it''s far from perfect, but it''s something to let us visualize the situation."


    "No, no, I think it''s a fantastic idea. What about you, Larry?"


    He smiled, stepped forward, and reached out to help Bonnie over the utter non-barrier of a line of yams on the floor. "I think it''s brilliant. I''m supposing you''re wondering about the numbers at the other farmsteads?"


    She nodded shyly. "Yeah, kinda."


    "Okay, I''m gonna go fetch Lachlan and Raven. Larry, can you fill her in on the updated plan? I''ll enhance Raven''s cluefulness. Same with Lachlan, as much as I can, anyhow, on the walk back here for lunch."


    Larry looked at me, a weird half-smile on his face. "As you wish, Commander." He turned to Bonnie, and from that moment I might as well not have existed as far as the two of them were concerned. I jogged out to the main hall, then out the doors to the courtyard, which had been cleared down to the stone, with sand spread over the few remaining icy patches. From where I stood I could see the beginnings of the fortifications; they looked to start a few hundred feet away on the far side of the road. It took me a few minutes to spot Lachlan and Raven''s red coats.


    Of course they''d gone opposite directions. I stepped to Raven, said, "sorry, gentlemen, I need to borrow your leader for lunch," then stepped with her to Lachlan. "Hey, Lachlan? Need you to walk with me for a bit."


    He turned to us, more than a little startled to see us just there behind him, but rallied quickly. "Okay, Commander. Lead on."


    I explained the new plan as we walked back to the House. The only question came from Lachlan, and he surprised me a little when it was a good one. "Should we keep our units here, or send them forward to fill out the line?"


    I chewed on that as we walked across the courtyard. When we got to the doors I stopped, turned to the other two and said, "for now, keep them here. Once you''ve got the fortifications cleared, sort out the minimum you''d need to man them along all fronts, then send everyone beyond that south to extend our picket line."


    Lachlan and Raven nodded. Then she shot me a crooked grin and said, "is there a reason you explained this walking back here, when we could have been inside where it''s warm already?"


    "Yeah, I kinda figured Larry could fill Bonnie in while we walked back."


    She got a really pensive look on her face. Not angry or anything. Just kind of, I dunno, sad maybe? Maybe she envied her cousin or something. So long as she didn''t make a big deal out of it, I''d let the three of them sort it out amongst themselves.


    Lunch was lunch. Without too many other Cadets or any Lancaster cousins to throw shade, Larry seated Bonnie to his left and helped her cut up her food. He didn''t quite spoon feed her, but I could tell he kinda wanted to. Again, not my lookout, other than maybe trying to give them a few minutes here and there where we could spare it.


    Unfortunately, after lunch? We had no more minutes to spare. I grabbed Larry, double checked that the three we were leaving behind knew the plan, and we headed west at a jog. Once we''d passed the fortifications, Larry said, "I can go faster than this, Commander."


    I shrugged. "Just remember we''re gonna keep going until we hit that next farmstead, but you set the pace. I can keep up with whatever you set."


    He rolled his eyes and said, "I''m well aware, Commander." Then he kicked into a cross country run, maybe half again as fast as we''d been going. With the roads mostly clear, we didn''t have to slow down until dusk. Right about then Saffron thought to me, are you somewhere we can join you, Goof?


    I shook my head. Nope. About three quarters of the way along one of the farmstead roads. Probably won''t get there until after dinner, and then we''ve got to hit the rack and be ready to do more talking and running tomorrow.


    Her longing sigh filled my head. I understand, beloved Goof. Be careful. Do try not to injure yourself; the children of other farmsteads will not be helped by you killing yourself at one.


    Yeah, I get that. This is just a simple long distance run, though. No stupid amount of healing required.


    Good to know. Good night, Goof.


    Tell Marie and the menace good night for me. Love you, Kitten.


    I love you too, Goof.


    And then she was gone.


    We got to the western farmstead nearly an hour after dinner finished up. Fortunately, the sentries knew Larry on sight. Unfortunately, all that remained edible were some field rations.


    Not even good ones from Drivers. Just straight up hard crackers and jerky. I resisted the temptation to roust somebody to cook me something fresh, but damn it was hard.


    Still, food is food. Better than some of the crap I''d had to choke down back in Camden.

 Day Two Hundred And Twelve

    Dear Diary,


    My continued frustration as trying not to be the Bad Guy winds up with me nibbled to death by ducks is damaging my calm. On the other hand, if being the Good Guy is how I''ve managed to score not one but two hotties and a kid who isn''t a Total Disaster, I guess it''s worth it.


    Still gonna make duck jerky if I can catch the motherfuckers at it though.


    So, due to getting in ridiculously late and not being That Bitch, not only wound up with crackers and jerky for dinner, but had to spend the night sharing a tent with Larry Lancaster. The really fucked up thing about it? Despite the fact that six months ago I''d have seen that as one of the many available Chinese Hells, (Jack Burton, David Lo Pan, aunties, VCRs, bored kid, yada yada), the bad part about it? What with both of us having the Jotnar refusal to share our heat with the surrounding atmosphere, I''m pretty sure our tent was room temperature all night, for a value of ''room temperature'' that equaled ''middle of high plateau winter''. Also known as ''cold enough to freeze a witches tit'' or ''cold asf'', depending on your generation.


    Y''know, I kinda wonder about that. Are kids from the economically challenged parts of the world more in tune with more generations of pop culture because of the whole ''outdated media collections'' thing? Doubly irrelevant between it not really mattering back there, as well as being not a thing in the here and now, but that''s just how your girl Tabitha''s mind do.


    So we didn''t even bother waking Angel and Bill last night. Got up this morning when Angel came around and straight up ripped our tent off of us, shouting, "wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey!" Followed by getting all flushed and saying, "oh, shit, sorry, Commander. Really, didn''t realize you two were..." She petered off, obviously suffering from a case of brain running in too many directions for the mouth to follow.


    I had no such problems; my brain might run wherever the fuck it wants, but I sure as shit didn''t have enough neurons activated to go more than one direction at a time. "No problem, Angel. We arrived late last night, didn''t want to wake you guys up."


    I reached up and she yoinked me upright, then did the same for a slightly less chipper Lancaster. I think right about then the fact that we both had our uniforms on more or less correctly finally impacted on her brain, because she stopped stuttering and said, "any chance either of you could help us with the triaged cases? Bill and I got all the critical condition folks taken care of over the past two days, but that left us with no Mana for the rest of them."


    "Tell you what; you get them lined up so they can come past me for Cures and Heals; meanwhile Lancaster can go over the updates to the plan with Bill."


    She nodded, but frowned, "some of the non-critical cases still aren''t in very good shape. Not sure how well they''ll handle waiting in line."


    Larry stepped in saying, "get Bill and I a number, and we''ll send that many Volunteers over to you to help keep them upright until Commander Diaz works her magic on them."


    My mouth worked a little while I tried to get past the fact that he meant that last little bit literally. Yeah, I''ve been living in a world where literal magic existed, and yeah, I can do some kinds of it really fuckin'' well, basically anything that responded well to brute force approaches, but the idea that I could ''work my magic'' on someone? And that not being a euphemism for conning them out of their money or into my pants? Does not compute.


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    So I set up in the middle of the farmstead courtyard, right between the two ubiquitous outbuildings. Suppose everybody trying to copy Lancaster House had its perks and benefits. In this case I could set up between them with all the sick folks in one, and clean clothes and personal cleaning supplies in the other. I mean, it started out crowded standing room only in the ''waiting room'', but that kept everybody warm at least. Stank personified, but warm. Out in the courtyard, the breeze kept the stank out of my nose, even if it did chill ''witches tit'' down to ''too fucking cold to think of witty sayings''. Starting with the ones who needed to be straight up carried to me, I proceeded to do my Cure and Heal schtick, letting them vomit to their lungs'' content, dropping extra Heals on the ones who broke shit clearing their lungs up. After not too long, half of the courtyard no longer had a thin coating of ice and thinner coating of snow and sand atop it. Instead, it steamed with every color of the puke-bow.


    I absolutely did not need to know how many colors snot and vomit come in. Didn''t want to know, either. If there was a way to describe not wanting to know about something? That''s how I would refer to the rainbow of colors spread around one side of the courtyard. Don''t have any idea why I decided to skip lunch and just power through until everybody on the farm was healed, but for whatever reason it seemed like the thing to do.


    Maybe an hour after lunch would have started, Bill wandered out to talk with me. "Sorry to leave so much of this for you, Diaz."


    He sounded almost defensive about it, so I asked, "so, what did you wind up using your Mana on then?"


    He got real quiet, but didn''t look away when he said, "it took a whole shit pot of Mana to keep the kids alive long enough to, y''know, keep them alive."


    I turned to the next person in line, who didn''t look great, but I''d gotten past all the ones who needed someone to help them walk. "Just a moment." I turned back to Bill and pulled him into a hug. "You do not apologize for that. Ever. Not fucking once. If someone tells you that you should? You let me know. I''ll kick the living shit out of them."


    He chuckled. "Yeah, not gonna tell you who tells me that the most, because I sure as hell don''t want you kicking the shit out of me."


    I nodded, pulled away from him, and slapped him on the shoulder. "Shit, I get that. Just don''t beat yourself up about it too much. That''s my job."


    We both laughed, then I turned back to the line of people to be healed, and he went over to the ''clean house'' to collect Volunteers and get them working according to our new plan. One of the bennies of magical healing, I guess. If you haven''t fucked up your soul by using too much mana, or splitting yourself into a couple thousand copies, or Reviving people without proper preparation or knowhow, when you get hit with magical healing you''re ready to go as soon as you clean yourself up, maybe get a decent meal into you.


    Okay, I know that''s not really the case, but we didn''t really have the manpower to let anybody who didn''t absolutely need it convalesce. Made me feel bad about checking out for a day after I saved those kids down south. At least until I reminded myself of my conversation with Bill.


    So from mid-afternoon until maybe an hour before dinner Larry and I worked with Angel and Bill to get things moving in the right direction, then I stepped us back to Lancaster House. As I filled the kettles to warm up bath water for the tub, I tagged Saffron.


    Kitten?


    Yes, Goof?


    Any chance you can join me at Lancaster House tonight?


    Certainly. With or without our Maid and Menace?


    Bring them along. I could really use the reassurance they''re okay.


    A few minutes later, the three of them appeared in the room with me. Isnomi immediately hollered out, "baftime!"


    Nice having a bathtub big enough to fit all three of us. Hell, if we squished in, we could probably fit Marie as well, but as noted a while back, she''s kind of water-averse. Makes me wonder how she stays clean, because she definitely does. Dust baths? Sand baths? Licking herself all over?


    I realized right then that if that''s the case? I absolutely should not become a Maenad. I''d never leave my room.


    What? I''m trying to be honest with myself now. I''ve been told that''s the mature thing to do.


    Even when the honest fact about myself is that I have little to no resistance to anything that would tempt a thirteen-year-old.

 Day Two Hundred And Thirteen

    Dear Diary,


    On the one hand, I get how sometimes, shit just does not go as planned, and there''s no bogeyman screwing shit up, it''s just the second law of thermodynamics in action. Shit falls apart. But goddammit, I want there to be a face I can punch to make things go right.


    Kinda weirds me out that when I think about things like that, Larry''s face isn''t the one that pops up in front of my minds eye anymore. I mean, at the moment it''s that sort of collective similarity of face that I see in the cousins Lancaster, which is pretty close to Larry. Just they''ve still got that arrogant sneer that he gave up for Lent.


    So last night the family came to visit. After bath time, Isnomi found a whole stash of combs and brushes. Like the kind of thing you''d expect in the girliest of girl''s dressing rooms. Which, based on the amount of wood and leather, this particular room was not intended to be. What is it with that, anyhow? As I sat there wondering, I remembered Saffron was literally right there, so I asked her, since she''s so much smarter than me it''s not even funny.


    "Hey, Kitten?" I asked while running a brush down Marie''s back. Because the rest of us had totally taken one look at the stash of hair tools and collectively decided Marie needed to be thoroughly brushed and combed. I''d say she submitted to it with a longsuffering sigh, which she did, but she also started purring like ten seconds into it, so yeah.


    "Yes, Goof?" Saffron had decided on a wide-toothed comb, and was slowly working her way up from the tips of Marie''s hair toward the roots.


    "Why is it that everybody thinks of wood and leather as ''guy furniture''?"


    "Hmm..." She got a thoughtful, faraway look as her hands kept grooming Marie. "I''m not certain, but I suspect it has something to do with durability. Leather and wood are both solid, long lasting materials, especially if there aren''t any fine carvings in the wood, or delicate patterns in the leather."


    "Huh. Kinda explains why I like it then."


    "Hmm?"


    I kept working my way down Marie''s back as I explained. "I grew up with secondhand furniture. Third hand sometimes. Just all beat to shit. The only furniture I got that had any real life left in it was that kind of heavy duty shit." I shrugged. "I guess I came to think of that as ''nice furniture''."


    "That does track."


    "So what kind of furniture do you like?" I figured we might as well talk about it now, before we had a house or apartment full of the stuff.


    Her brow furrowed as she worked at a knot while trying not to pull Marie''s hair. After a bit she said, "mostly I''m a fan of adjustable metal furniture. Metal because it''s even more durable than wood if you care for it right. Adjustable because..."


    She trailed off, and I filled in, "because you don''t want your feet dangling a foot above the floor?"


    She shot me a sour look, but it evaporated as she looked at me and her fingers kept toying at the knot. "Something like that." She finally got the snarl coming apart and asked, "what about you, Marie?"


    "Forest."


    That kinda floored me. Like, the Maenad Maids are always so prim and proper, I kinda expected her to want something that fit the prim, proper, fancy vibe she gave off. The moment she said ''forest'', I remembered that they''d literally been created to protect and nurture Dionysus, who wasn''t exactly a ''prim and proper'' anything. "So, like, no furniture at all? Or camping stuff? Or, like, makeshift outdoorsy stuff like hammocks and camp stools and shit?"


    Marie didn''t respond right away. Right around then I noticed her hands working, like she was looking for a word. After a bit I realized the motion wasn''t quite that; she looked almost like a kitten making biscuits on something, except I totally got why she hadn''t put her hands in the carpet or on anything, because she would totally wreck anything she worked her claws on. Eventually she sort of carefully half-nodded to avoid disturbing Saffron''s work and said, "Impermanent."


    "Huh. Could be fun figuring out how to build modular furniture."


    Saffron pounced on the word, of course. "Modular?"


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    "Like, stuff that comes apart and goes back together other ways. Or has parts that move around so you can use something for more than one purpose, or make it bigger or smaller when you need it to be. I remember seeing stuff like that in shows about tiny houses."


    She sucked her teeth at that. "Do I even want to know what ''tiny houses'' are?"


    I laughed, and she joined me. Marie purred, and Isnomi did both. "They were kind of a recurring fad. Houses that were stupidly small, like one room, maybe two or three. Some of them were mobile, like on trailers or bicycles or shit, others were just little. But with that little room, you couldn''t afford to have anything that served just one purpose."


    Saffron nodded. "Interesting. I don''t think I''d want a tiny house, but I can understand the appeal."


    I shook my head. "I never could. Just, I dunno, too much time spent living in a couple cramped rooms."


    She cocked her head while running her comb through Marie''s now tangle-free hair. "Aren''t you living in one rather small room now?"


    I waved my non-brushing hand around. "Hey, I''ve got four rooms now, all of them pretty big."


    "You know what I mean, Goof."


    I shrugged. "Yeah, but that''s not cramped."


    She raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"


    "Yeah. It''s not cramped. It''s comfy. Cozy."


    She reached out, pulled me into a hug with one arm while she kept combing Marie''s hair with the other. I reciprocated, brushing the back of Marie''s neck and her shoulders. She rooched back towards us, which made combing and brushing a little harder, but I couldn''t bring myself to care all that much. After a bit, Saffron said, "what about you, my girl? What kind of furniture do you like?"


    Isnomi, who''d been working on Marie''s legs and thighs, probably because she was the only one of us who could without getting hella distracted, stopped brushing for a second. Her tongue protruded from her mouth in a total blep for a few seconds, then she shrugged, said, "sof," and went back to combing.


    I thought about her antics for half a second before I said, "yeah, that makes sense. I''m kinda down for soft too. So we''ve got two votes for ''durable'', two kinda for ''adjustable''. Man, I can''t wait to see what we eventually wind up with." Saffron pulled me toward her and kissed me thoroughly. When we came up for air, I asked, "what was that for? Not complaining, just, y''know, taking notes so I can do it again."


    "You''re incredibly cute when you''re domestic."


    Before I could reply, Marie rolled over onto our laps, oofing us both just a little bit, and said, "Yes." After she''d collected kisses from both of us, we worked our way down her front, which was hella distracting what with the menace there to prevent any shenanigans.


    Eventually the length of the day hit home on both Saffron and I, and Marie and Isnomi put us both to bed, then snuggled in around us.


    Mimic loves moss. Oh, and apparently during the day is playing tic tac toe with somebody? Look, just because they''re Big Bad Deity Dreams, it doesn''t mean still don''t follow completely batshit insane dream logic.


    The family left before breakfast, but not before a round of hugs and kisses. It''s the little things that keep me going sometimes.


    Breakfast was just the five of us, which really seemed weird what with the whole big table and everything. As I finished up the first round of everything, I asked Larry, "y''know, it''s just you two, who''ve seen them all before, and us girls here. Is there really a reason we couldn''t eat over there," I nodded toward the Ladies'' Quarters, "or have some of them join us for breakfast?"


    I swear Larry looked like I''d just shoved a pickle down his throat sideways. Like, not offended or anything, but definitely not copacetic about the idea at all. He glanced to his left, where Bonnie just raised an eyebrow and asked, "yes, why not?"


    He closed his eyes and heaved a sigh. "As my brother can confirm, while most of the Ladies are quite content in our absence, there are usually at least a few who consider our time spent in the Ladies'' Quarters to be, ah, well..."


    I think Bonnie caught on before me, but she just smiled at him and watched him scrabble for some way to say it without saying it in front of her. Eventually, a bit after I''d grokked the reason for his stuttering, I decided to let him off the hook for this one, since he obviously wasn''t the one who''d put the system together. "So, Lachlan, they''d pounce on you when you paid them visits?"


    Affable idiot that he was, Lachlan smiled and nodded, "oh, yeah. I had to make sure not to wear anything, y''know, tearable."


    I shook my head and laughed. Lachlan did as well, and shortly thereafter Raven and Bonnie joined us. Eventually even Larry chuckled a bit. "Yes. Well. As you can guess, those Ladies are a bit strident in their demands. As is their prerogative."


    "I didn''t notice anything when we were Curing them?"


    He rolled his eyes. "Anyone who might be interested in you has any number of outlets available."


    "Okay, but what about you?"


    He sighed. "I may have used Stabilize not unlike you do when sparring. I had important work to do."


    That got another round of laughs from everyone but Lachlan, who joined in eventually as well. I shook my head and said, "it''s like none of them have ever heard of self-service before." That got confused looks from Larry and Lachlan, which only got more laughs from the women at the table, myself included. Despite the two of them trying to get us to explain, the three of us all clammed up, at least until Bonnie batted her eyes at Larry and said, "I''ll explain it to you once we''ve dealt with all the crises we''re juggling. It might take a while, and we''re all too busy for that right now, right?"


    Never really pegged Larry for being motivated by shit like that, but based on him vacuuming the food off his plate and encouraging me to do the same? I guess he is.


    After breakfast, Larry and I headed northward. As the sun neared the horizon, we saw a typical Lancaster three-building farmstead looming in the distance.


    I absolutely did not tease Larry about him having to beat the ladies off with a stick.


    Who am I kidding. I fucking needled him about that shit all day long.

 Day Two Hundred And Fourteen

    Dear Diary,


    Some day the day will come that I will hit a point where I''m not waiting for the other shoe to drop. Today was not that day. Tomorrow''s not looking good either.


    So we rolled into the farmstead north of Lancaster House just after sunset. For what it''s worth, they had sentries out, which I took to be a good sign. Previously there had maybe been some guys sleeping outside, but never something like a formal watch. That meant this place had enough to mount a formal watch through the night.


    Of course, all of the Volunteers on watch wore the distinctive Dragonhide leathers we''d provided for the troops we''d brought from Phileo with us. That did mean no real grief getting through the perimeter, at least. Just identifying ourselves, letting one of the watch get close enough to positively ID us, and that was it.


    When we got into the courtyard, I noticed a guard posted at each door to the southern bunkhouse. Gary and Rowena met us at the door to the farmhouse, so I asked them about it.


    Gary looked to Rowena, who solemnly replied, "many of the Volunteers billeted here and some of the farm''s people had already died when we arrived. Too many for the remainder to bury, what with the soil frozen and most of the troops still convalescing."


    I took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. "Fuck." I shook my head and raised my gaze to meet Rowena''s. "This sounds like the worst we''ve hit thus far, except the ones along our path in."


    Rowena nodded, "unless one of the ones to the south or west were worse, yes."


    "Just a second." Something had jostled loose in my brain and I needed a second to sort out what it was. Something about, what was the word? The image of a nerdy guy in an orange jump suit popped into my head, and I said, "vectors! Okay, had anyone here gotten the plague and lived through it before you got here?"


    Gary nodded, "a few of the men."


    Rowena backed him up, "many of the surviving women, and all of the surviving children."


    That hit me like a punch to the gut, nearly driving my whole thought process out of my head. Kids had died, and I hadn''t been there to save them. On the one hand, I understood I couldn''t be everywhere all at once. Even if I tried, I might wind up in such sad shape I wouldn''t be enough to help anyone. Maybe if I''d left the folks to the east and come here first? Before I could follow that line of thought any further, Larry said something that pulled me out of it.


    "It sounds almost like it hit here before it hit Lancaster House."


    That brought the idea back into my head. "Yeah, yeah it does. If your dad put out a call for Volunteers, most people would be travelling inward, right?"


    He shrugged. "Everyone but the messengers sent outward, yes."


    "Okay, so if this place got hit first, and Volunteers came through here headed for Lancaster House..."


    Larry might have had his head up his ass most of the time I''ve known him, but apparently removing his cranium from his rectum had freed up a fairly good brain. "They brought the plague with them?"


    I nodded. "That means the further we get from here, the fewer and newer the plague victims will be." I turned back to Rowena. "Did you Cure the folks who had survived the Plague already?"


    "Why would I?"


    It took me a second to figure out how to explain something in a way that the others would understand. "Even if someone''s mostly fought the disease off, they might still be carrying the Plague with them. Maybe on their skin, maybe in their hair, maybe in their clothes even. From what we''ve seen, Cure Disease seems to annihilate even those tiny bits of Plague though."


    She frowned. "That means it''s going to take a lot longer to clear each farmstead."


    I nodded agreement. "Yeah, it does, but it also means we won''t see a resurgence of this shit in the spring when people start moving around more." When neither of them disagreed with me, and Larry mostly just backing me up, I asked, "do either of you know which of the farmsteads up where your family are from have local Healers?" They looked at each other, then shrugged. "Okay, what''s with the meaningful look?"


    Gary replied, "both our families lands are less," he paused, as if looking for a word. "Orderly than those around Lancaster House. There are also some small villages that aren''t officially there. Those villages? Usually have some of the best Mana Shapers around."


    "Would they come help out if you asked?"


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    Gary shook his head, "they really don''t respect the authority of the Riders or the Rosens."


    Before I could say anything, Rowena said, "that''s not what she said, Gary." She turned to me. "You want us to ask them. Not tell them."


    "If that''s more likely to get them to pitch in? Hell to the yes. You guys were at my Court Martial, yeah?" When they both nodded, I followed that up with, "you remember Loki asking Miles about whether his pride was worth more than somebody else''s life, right?"


    Gary got a kumquat look. Must be the water. "But... the Headmaster was talking about Cadets!"


    Rowena lay a hand on his shoulder. "How many of the folks from those villages could be Cadets if we weren''t stopping them."


    His face screwing up further, Gary said, "but we don''t stop them."


    She just shook her head, "do we visit them when we''re recruiting, when we''re looking for new Cadet Candidates?"


    He blew out a long, steaming breath, then dragged his palm over his face. "Shit." He turned to me. "You want us to head that way and ask?"


    I nodded. "If you stay on the roads, how many farmsteads or villages or whatever would you pass on the way to your family''s lands?"


    They looked at each other, and after a moment of unspoken communication, where Gary definitely counted on his fingers for a bit, Rowena said, "six to my family''s nearest farmsteads. How many more to yours, Gary?"


    "Another four."


    I nodded. "Okay, Are there ten units here, other than the two you brought along?" Both of them nodded. "Okay, here''s what I want you to do. Take ten units and follow that least time route. Cure and Heal any who need it, although I''m hoping you won''t find nearly as many. Leave one unit at each farmstead or whatever to enforce quarantine. Recruit any Volunteers or Healers you can; I''d like to have at least one Healer with each of those units enforcing quarantine, but if not even a few more to let us clear farmsteads faster would be awesome."


    They nodded along. Larry said, "those Volunteers and Healers aren''t likely to be Academy trained, or even trained to the quality of Phileo or Lancaster troops."


    Okay, apparently he could occasionally use his gluteus maximus as a hat now and then. "We''re not looking for high quality here; we just need people who can say ''stay back until we can get you a Healer'', and Healers who can cast Cure Disease. We can leave them mostly in the backfield fighting the Plague by pushing our quarantined safe area outward, while the more highly trained troops get ready to meet whatever the fuck Calverton sends at us." I met the gaze of each of the three of them, and when they all nodded, asked, "any questions?" They all shook their heads, and I said, "okay, go see if you can gather up the folks who survived the plague."


    Kitten?


    Yes, Goof?


    How''s that Mass Cure coming along?


    I wish I had a group of people to test it on who wouldn''t die from not being Cured.


    C''mere a second.


    A moment later she landed next to me. "What did you have in mind? Also, why didn''t you tell me you were outside?"


    I realized right then she''d arrived in Glowing Midnight; I whipped my jacket off as quick as I could, then wrapped it around her. "Sorry, Kitten. Got too excited."


    "It''s okay, Goof. What did you want to show me?"


    At that point, Gary, Larry, and Rowena each led a small group from the buildings around us. "These folks survived the Plague without being magically Cured. I wanted to make sure they aren''t infectious."


    She nodded. "Gather together, everyone." She turned to me. "Can you give me a boost? I need line of sight to each of them."


    I lifted her up until she had one thigh on each of my shoulders, at which point she thought at me, I''ll need you to provide me a steady stream of Mana, and you''d best look through my eyes at the Shape, so you can reproduce it.


    You got it. I shaped a Stabilize with one hand, laying it on her thigh, then kept the Mana pouring into it as I looked through her eyes as she Shaped. I recognized the ''Cure'' portion of the shape, but not the rest of it. I stared at it until it burned its way into my brain, trying to be sure I could do it if I had to. When she released the Shape, it flowed through everyone in the courtyard, and through her eyes saw little reddish motes of light as if something had been burned off or out of them by the wave of Mana. How do we know if it worked?


    Well, they''re not dead, which is good. The visual indicators of Mana eradicating bits of Plague is another. Also? I really hope you''re ready to carry me home, because I''m about to pass out.


    I looked around and said, "thank you, ladies and gentlemen. You should be completely purged of any lingering Plague bits on you at this point." I looked to Larry and quietly said, "I need to get the Imperator home. Can you cover for me here until morning?" At his nod, I stepped back to our cell at the Academy, then gently lay Saffron on the bed.


    "So forward, undressing me without so much as a ''by your leave''."


    I grinned down at her as Marie and the menace came through the door. "Yeah, well. I didn''t figure you were up for anything energetic, what with being all exhausted and all."


    "Mmrph. Prolly right. G''night."


    "Good night, love." After that Marie stole away my snow-crusted clothing, and I climbed into bed with Saffron. The menace wormed her way in between us a moment later.


    Mimic dreamt of bigger tic tac toe boards, not to mention taking a look back at the lake. Weird as fuck, but whatever.


    Woke to Marie laying around and atop us. Warm, but I needed to get up and go back to the snow. I wormed my way out of the pile, put on a fresh uniform, and after hugs and kisses good bye for the day, stepped back to the farm with Larry and his two former minions.


    When I walked into the farmhouse just in time for breakfast, Larry said, "So, what shall we be doing today, Commander?"


    I looked at Gary and Rowena, "will you two be following the same basic paths to get home?" When they nodded, I asked, "north or east?"


    "North."


    I nodded in turn. "Okay. Larry, first you and I will head west to the next farm. If I''m not too far from wrong, we shouldn''t find too much in the way of Plague there. Whether we do or not, though, we''ll leave a unit there, then head back through here to the east. You got all that?"


    All three of them nodded, and I turned to the head of the farmstead and asked, "will you be okay with just one unit of troops billeted here for the time being?" The guy, a tall, skinny dude who reminded me of pictures of Abraham Lincoln from kids books, just nodded. "Okay then. As soon as breakfast is over, we head out."


    The actual trip westward? Uneventful. Just more stomping through snow.


    With me looking for falling footwear everywhere.

 Day Two Hundred And Fifteen

    Dear Diary,


    Someday I''ll learn to think ahead. Apparently not today.


    So we got to the farm one day north and one day west of Lancaster House just before the sun set. It looked smaller than the one we''d just left; two story main farmhouse, one story bunkhouses extending out in front of the farmhouse. Like all the other farms we''d seen in Lancaster territory, the three buildings formed three walls to a central courtyard. Unlike the other farms, with this one we hit cleared road about a quarter day out from the farmstead itself, and smoke rose from chimneys atop all three farmstead buildings, as well as from the smallest of the surrounding barns.


    "Weird." What with the cleared road and lack of wildlife, Lancaster and I had taken to the front of the formation, with our two units trailing us. If somebody had cleared the road this far, they might have scouts out, and there certainly weren''t any really obnoxious local predators.


    "What''s that, Commander?"


    "I never thought about it, but I don''t remember seeing chimneys on barns before."


    He shrugged. "Most barns are for storing livestock, which usually means storing hay and straw in the barn as well. One ill timed spark and the whole thing goes up."


    I nodded toward the one barn with a chimney. "So what about that then?"


    He chuckled a bit, but it had none of the casual condescension I''d come to associate with Lancasters as a whole. "I forget, you''re definitely a city girl."


    I shrugged. "No point in denying it. Cows, pigs, chicken, they all make the same sound." When he gave me a head-cocked, full on ''wtf, Diaz?'' look, I smiled and said, "sizzle."


    That turned his chuckle into a full on laugh, and I heard some laughter from the unit right behind us as well. Shaking his head at my pernicious goofiness, he said, "that''s not a barn. That''s a shed."


    "Okay, country boy, care to tell me the difference?"


    He nodded, saying, "Like I said, barns are usually for livestock. If they''re well insulated, the livestock themselves will heat them up enough for the animals to survive even a harsh winter. Sheds are for tools, or for doing work you don''t want done in the houses."


    "So what kind of a shed is that then?"


    He shrugged. "No idea. If I had to guess, though, since they''ve got it warmed up, either a tanning shed or a birthing shed. In the former case, you don''t want things freezing halfway through the process. In the latter, some animals are susceptible to cold when they''re fresh from the womb."


    I shook my head, still having trouble wrapping my head around the thought that Larry Lancaster actually had, y''know, knowledge and skills under all the arrogance and inferiority complex. "Never would have guessed that you''d know so much about farming."


    He shot me a wry look and said, "I don''t know enough to actually do it, although I''d like to think I could figure it out before people starved to death. I just know enough to understand whether a problem is a minor thing where a farmstead just needs some extra time or reduced taxes, a real problem where they''ll need some extra hands or materials to fix things, or an absolute catastrophe where we might need to move the survivors into Lancaster House for a time."


    "Damn, Larry. Y''know, I''m not sure I would have done that in Bonnie''s place, but priorities, I guess?"


    He lifted an eyebrow, lowering his voice as we got close enough to the houses that a dude walking from the farmhouse to a bunkhouse saw us and waved. "Done what?"


    Just loud enough to carry to him, I said, "helped you pull your head out of your ass."


    I''d wondered exactly how far his newfound enlightenment had got, and his reaction told me the answer was ''far enough'' when he said, "saving my life certainly helped with that. Risking her own career as a Hero to do so? I think that might have been what shook me enough to..."


    When he trailed off, I said, "yeah, I get it." I waved at the guy in the courtyard, then said, "anyhow, time to look sharp, me as Commander and you as Heir, right?"


    He nodded, then called out, "hallo the house!" We''d never stopped advancing, and by now the guy certainly heard Larry''s shout.


    The guy shouted back, "Master Lancaster, is that you?"


    Lancaster turned to the troops and said, "follow along at your own pace," then turned and jogged toward the courtyard. I nodded to the Sergeant and followed him. Our Volunteers, at least half of them Veterans, could maintain a pretty good pace through the day, even more impressive when they were breaking trail through the snow, but there''s ''in good shape'' endurance and then there''s duBois'' Heroic Minimum Endurance Standards. For all that he''d bitched about it, Larry had actually made that latter benchmark. For once I didn''t really feel the need to show him up, so I just followed along behind him.


    The guy in the courtyard had advanced to the near edge, with just enough space for us to stand on the pavers without crowding him. As we approached I gave him a visual once-over. Decent clothing with at least three layers showing, the outer layer a kind of shiny leather poncho, the inner ones poking out at the neck something fuzzy and some kind of linen collar. He didn''t have a hood, but with curly dirty blond hair sticking out at least two inches from every part of his face but his eyes, I''m pretty sure he didn''t need one just to step outside.


    He reached out a hand to Larry when we got to the edge of the courtyard. "Welcome, Master Lancaster. I''m not sure if you remember me. I''m farmstead holder Norville Lands."


    Larry nodded as he shook Norville''s hand. "It''s Heir Lancaster now, Holder Lands. I recall you from my father''s tour of the farmsteads three years ago. You look as if you''re doing well."


    When Larry said ''Heir Lancaster'', Norville blanched. "I''m so sorry for your loss, Heir."


    Larry shook his head and nodded toward me. "Lachlan named me Heir when he thought himself lost to the Plague, but Commander Diaz managed to snatch him from the hands of the Valkyries. I expect he''ll be fully back on his feet by now."


    Norville shot me a weird look when Larry named me as ''commander'', but he held out a hand for me to shake. "Good to meet you, Commander Diaz. Praise be, that you were able to heal Heir... I mean, Master Lancaster. He''s very well loved among the farmsteads." The moment those words left Norville''s mouth, he blanched, then turned to Larry. "Meaning no offense to yourself, sir."


    Larry laughed, an actual laugh rather than a dastardly snicker or some shit. "Quite all right, Holder. I''m afraid I may have been a little too full of myself to make a good impression previously."


    I got the impression Norville wanted to check Larry to make sure he wasn''t some kind of doppleganger, but all he said was, "you were Master Lancaster. You never behaved inappropriately."


    Larry sighed. "You mean I never behaved in a way my father would disapprove of. It has come to my attention that not only was my behavior potentially offensive, my father''s standards in that regard may be lacking." Norville blinked. He might have leaned away from Larry just a touch, like he expected lightning to strike at any moment. Larry''s smile took on a grim hardness, one that I remembered from his fight with the Valkyrie. "Should he disagree, it will fall on me to be better than him."


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    "As... as you say, Heir." The troops tromped up behind us, the Sergeants calling them to halt just short of the courtyard. "Ah, will you be needing to billet your troops here?"


    "Have you any troops billeted presently?"


    "No, sir. We might need to double bunk a few, but I''m sure we can get everyone in out of the cold."


    "Before that," Larry turned to me, "Commander?"


    I took the lead and asked, "Holder Lands, has anyone at the farm taken ill over the course of the last four months?"


    "No, sir. Ah, no, ma''am." The honorific felt kinda weird, since the guy looked to be in his thirties at least. I got it, though; sometimes the person in charge wasn''t going to be the oldest person in the room. Or the whitest. Or the male-ist. Still felt nearly as weird coming from him as it seemed to be for him though.


    I nodded. "Good to hear. Have you had any visitors from other farms in that time?"


    He shrugged. "Just around that long ago we had Volunteers coming through. Most of them would stay the night. I found it odd that Lord Lancaster would call in the Volunteers with winter hard upon their heels, but..." He shrugged as if to relieve himself of any responsibility for the vagaries of Lords.


    I drew in a deep breath, then blew it out. "Well. Hopefully your farmstead here is past the edge of the Plague''s reach."


    "Plague?"


    I nodded. "Yep. Hit everywhere that we''ve checked east and south of here. We''ll be leaving a unit of Volunteers here to enforce quarantine, and we''ll need to Assess everyone here. Cure them if they need it."


    Norville got a kind of dismissive look on his face and said, "my wi..." He stopped, choking off what he''d been about to say. "The senior woman here is a Priestess of Hestia, she''s Cured anyone who felt as much as a tickle in their throat or stuffiness in their head. Uh, ma''am."


    I kept nodding, trying to keep him from spooking too badly. "Good to hear. While we''re here we''ll show her how to use Assess to spot the Plague that''s ripped its way through the Cities to the east, and we''ll Assess them just to make sure. Between her and the unit we leave with you, I think this point on the quarantine cordon will be in good hands. D''you agree, Larry?"


    While I hadn''t been looking at him, Larry''d gotten a close cousin to his family''s kumquat look. He quietly asked, "Holder Lands, I require honesty of you."


    Norville bit back a sigh, just saying, "yes, sir."


    "You are married to the senior woman at this farmstead, who is a Priestess of Hestia?"


    I got the weirdest impression the guy in front of us felt like he was looking at the gallows when he half-whispered, "yes, sir."


    Larry nodded, curtly, then reached out one hand, lifted one of Norville''s hands, and thwapped him on the back of the wrist with two fingers. "There. In my judgement, the consequences in full for your disobedience to the Laws and Customs of Lancaster House." When the guy looked up at Larry with poorly disguised wonder, Larry continued. "I am ordering you to tell no one of this until such time as you hear otherwise from myself, Master Lachlan Lancaster," he cocked his head and looked at me. "Or Commander Diaz."


    "Yes, sir?"


    "It has come to my attention that those Laws and Customs require... revision. I cannot revise them at present, obviously, but my father will not live forever. Should I present my desired changes in an appropriate manner, he may even make those changes while he yet lives."


    I''d never actually thought I''d hear Larry contemplating standing up to his father. Doing so as a coldly calculated decision rather than a spat of pique? That shit blew me out of the water. I slapped my best ''supporting friend'' face on while he spoke, because inside? Some part of me wanted to check for dopplegangers as much as Holder Norville had earlier.


    "Holder Norville?" I pulled his attention back to me.


    "Yes, ma''am?" The honorific sounded a lot more natural now, oddly enough.


    "Lead on to the house; we need to show your Priestess wife how to spot the shit we''ve been fighting."


    "Yes, ma''am!" He paused, "Uh, head on to the house, I''ll get your men in out of the cold before I join you."


    I nodded, and Larry and I strode toward the house while Norville ran over to one bunkhouse, leaned in, and shouted, "Everybody up! To the north bunkhouse, we''ve got visitors that need beds!" I heard a bunch of grumbling before we went in the house, but nobody actually sounding angry, just sort of resigned. Then again, I figure they all knew that if they were the visitors, they''d want to get in and warm just as much.


    When we entered the house, half a dozen women sitting at a dinner table looked up like deer caught in headlights. The men started to gabble something, but Larry shut them all down when he said, "I am aware of your... irregularities here. All due consequences have been assessed and administered. Holder Lands will explain when he comes in, I''m certain." He looked directly at the woman seated to the left of the head of the table and asked, "Priestess of Hestia?" The woman just nodded. "Excellent. We''ll need to work with you on Assessing your family and hands to be sure none of them are infected with the Plague that has caused so many deaths to the east of here."


    Turns out Caitlyn, the Priestess, firmly adhered to the ''get it done now'' school of medicine. Not only that, but apparently she had two apprentices, one a daughter, the other a niece, who she''d been training as Healers as well. Before any of the five of us sat down to dinner, we not only Assessed everyone in the farmhouse, but all the hands in the north bunkhouse as well. The only one who came up positive? Caitlyn herself. Apparently any time anybody got so much as a sniffle she Cured the living shit out of them, which had stopped the Plague cold, but whatever whammy Priestesses got, especially Healer Priestesses? Let her walk around infected without so much as a scratchy throat.


    She looked a little embarrassed about that, but not enough to stop me from sending all the Plague pathogens in her to meet Sengann by blasting her with the mother of all Cures.


    Once we''d finished up, the five of us plus Norville sat down to a late dinner, served by a couple women who''d eaten earlier. As we finished up, Norville asked, "ah, will you two be wanting the Master suite, then?"


    Larry and I looked at each other, then broke down laughing. "No, no, no. Nothing like that. We''ll be fine sharing the bunkhouse with the troops."


    Larry''s explanation seemed to confuse Norville and absolutely scandalize Caitlyn''s niece, so I added, "I''m married, and Larry here''s set on somebody else, I think."


    Before I could say anything else, Larry added, "what with her wife being Imperator of the allied Cities, I suspect my life would be both interesting and short should I have designs on Commander Diaz."


    That led into a spirited discussion of the new political formations around, which lasted well into the night. Eventually, probably a bit after midnight, Larry and I took our leave and stumbled out to the bunkhouse, where we sacked out on the floor in our bedrolls. The troops had figured we''d sleep inside, and we didn''t want to roust anybody out. That same Endurance that let the pair of us sprint when our Volunteers had nothing left but a determined walk also let us survive sleeping on the floorboards better than them, too.


    Mimic dreamt of more tic-tac-toe. Or, not so much tic tac toe as that Japanese game? The one with the grid and black and white stones? Never can remember what it''s called, but saw an anime about it once. Hiroko no go, I think was the title, which never made any damn sense since he went lots of places to play that fuckin'' game.


    In the morning, after breakfast, I poked Saffron. Kitten? Everything okay?


    Yes, love. I was tired last night, and saw you were in the middle of teaching the Priestesses there how to Assess for the Plague, so I went to sleep without bothering you.


    You''re never a bother, Kitten. Really.


    I know, sweet Tabitha, but there are times when even the most pleasant of hugs will jostle an elbow that ought not be jostled.


    Fair point. You gonna be okay to visit tonight?


    I can''t guarantee anything, but if I can? I will.


    I get it. Love you, Kitten.


    Love you too, Goof.


    When we got outside with the one unit going with us gathered up in formation, I had a sudden rush of brains to the head. "Dammit."


    Larry looked at me, "what is it, Commander?"


    I sighed. "If we''d only brought the one unit, I could Translocate the two of us back to the farm we were at the night before last."


    "Can you bring the whole unit?"


    I opened my mouth to say ''no'', but paused, thinking about it. Hey Boss?


    Yes, Tabitha?


    Do you think I''m up to carrying sixteen people through a Translocate?


    He went silent a bit. Tabitha?


    Yes, Boss?


    You managed to Co-Locate into over two thousand bodies at the Battle of Newark and Camden Yards. Which, I''ll remind you, are only considered one battle because you, yourself, won both of them at the same time.


    Yeah? Is that a lot?


    You were Translocating all of those bodies nigh simultaneously throughout the battle.


    Am I missing something?


    I caught an earful of Jotnar sigh, followed by, Two thousand is generally considered a much higher number than sixteen.


    Oh. Yeah, Thanks Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    "Okay, everybody, join hands."


    They did, and I stepped us all to the farm where we''d started the morning before. I felt like I''d just run a marathon at a sprint, which meant I needed to stand there with my hands on my thighs panting a bit, and I really appreciated being at the back of the column when we marched off to the East, but other than that?


    Looked like your girl Tabitha was finally healing up.


    Now if I could only get my scars to stop from showing up in livid red whenever I''m out of breath.

 Day Two Hundred And Sixteen

    Dear Diary,


    Am I paranoid if, after all the shit that''s gone down, I just can''t relax and assume that we''re actually beating this fucking plague?


    I mean, for a value of ''beating'' defined as ''we still have four functional cities and more people who survived than people who died''. Fucking Apollo. If that motherfucker decides to pick up a bow and start shooting that shit again, I will not rest until I catch him and feed him his own eyeballs. Rectally.


    In brighter news, other than being kinda winded at the start of the whole march, yesterday''s march went pretty well. The end of the day? Not so much. So limited ''brighter news'', I guess.


    The first bad sign we saw? Where Holder Norville had his guys clear the road for a good four hour walk from his farmstead? This place had sort-of cleared a one person wide lane. By sort-of cleared, i mean they''d obviously dug out that path, but equally obviously the snow since then had put maybe a solid foot of snow at the bottom of the cleared path, and that snow had a couple inch thick layer of ice underneath it. We didn''t even hit that crappy trail until late afternoon; maybe two hours out from the farmstead.


    When we got there, we came up from behind the farmhouse. "Hey, Larry?"


    "Yes, Commander?"


    "Gotta ask, how do they decide which way to point the houses and bunkhouses?"


    He chuckled a little. "I''m surprised you haven''t figured it out yet."


    I rolled my eyes. "Well, obviously I haven''t. You know how clueless I am. Spill it."


    That earned me a look, but he said, "the courtyards point east."


    "Why?"


    He shrugged. "I''ve heard two different ''reasons''. The more mystical is that the ancestral lands of the Dan are to the east, the homelands of the Celts. The more practical is that it lights up the courtyard from first light until at least mid-afternoon in most places; by then things are usually winding down anyway for anyone not working in the fields. Honestly, though? It''s mostly tradition at this point. Not that we''ve built a new farmstead in my lifetime."


    "I thought you said you''d lost one now and again?"


    "The people, yes. some of the farmsteads might lie empty for a while after the plague, unless we can convince some folks from Phileo or Camden Yards, or I guess even New Amsterdam and Newark, to come give farming life a try."


    I replied quietly enough for my words not to carry to the troops. "Might be rough, what with most of the people looking for opportunity being Bag and all."


    He nodded. "Yet another entirely pragmatic reason for our traditions to change. Some of them at any rate."


    That got a raised eyebrow for him from me. "Which ones are the ones you don''t intend on changing?"


    "Well, some of them might want slow change. Housing unmarried men and women separately does make certain offenses more difficult."


    That kinda floored me, because I hadn''t even thought about that angle. Hell, if that''s how the whole ''women''s rooms'' tradition started, it might not even have been just some kind of evil sexist plot. "Yeah, okay, I can see that, so long as there''s not any prohibition against people marrying who and when they want."


    He sighed. "Another tradition that might need gradual adjustment. The Holders will expect recompense should one of ''their'' women marry."


    "You want I should apply boot leather to ass if somebody can''t get the idea that women aren''t property?"


    That got a chuckle out of him. I''m glad it did, because we hadn''t heard a single thing from the bunkhouse as we trudged through the snow alongside it. The windows had their shutters closed, so we couldn''t see in, either. At any rate, he replied, "I may take you up on that offer in some cases, but I think in this case the coffers of House Lancaster may prove a smoother method of transition."


    "So, what, you''re just going to buy up all the broads? Corner the market on coochie? Own all the ovaries?" By this point he''d gone through a sudden embarrassed blush and transitioned all the way to scandalized laughter. I finished up with, "Larry Lancaster, Lover of Ladies."


    His laughter dissolved into a final snort, and as we turned the corner into the courtyard he replied, "you''re one to talk."


    "Hey, I earned mine the old fashioned way, by being too sexy for my clothes." I followed that up with some bodybuilder poses. Which, if I hadn''t been wearing my uniform jacket or blouse, might have been kinda impressive, what with my duBois honed physique.


    Larry snorted out another laugh, but it died as we took in the courtyard. The one person wide sort of shoveled pathway let out into a courtyard which had been swept free of snow, but still had a layer of ice covering the pavers. It also had a row of ominous snow piles in front of each bunkhouse, as well as a shorter one in front of the farmhouse itself. Every window had shutters drawn, every door closed. I turned to the troops and said, "okay, ladies and gentlemen. It looks like there might be some troubles here. Don''t touch the snow piles, but see if you can clear the ice out of the courtyard and get enough road cleared that we can camp there if the houses aren''t safe."


    "Yes, ma''am!" The troops didn''t shout, but their reply still echoed a little in the silence.


    I turned to Larry. "You''re the local head honcho, and you''ve got the twig and berries. I think they''d respond better to you taking the lead?"


    He nodded. "Not to put too fine a point on it, but you''re also the Commander of the Expedition. It would be a poor job as your second if I let you walk into danger first."


    As we approached the farmhouse door, I said, "aw, Larry. I didn''t know you cared."


    Then we had to get our game faces on as Larry pounded on the door and called. "Hallo the house!"


    Something thunked inside the house, but before we could respond a high pitched voice hollered, "who goes there?"


    "Laurence Lancaster, Heir to Lancaster House."


    "Oh! Okay, I''ll... wait, how do I know you are who you say you are?" The speaker had pitched their voice lower on that last, an obvious attempt to sound more like an authority.


    It really drove that home when Larry called back in his normal high tenor, "Your choices at this point are trusting me and opening the door, at which point you should recognize me, or annoying me and forcing me to cut through the door, at which point I will, as noted, be annoyed."


    A barely heard, high pitched, "shit," came through the door, followed by some more thumping, followed by a final scrape and thunk from down near the floor. "Come in! Keep your hands where I can see them!"


    Larry shook his head in resignation and pushed the door open. A kid stood on the end of the table, a long hunk of wood clutched in his hands. After a few moments of staring at him, Larry said, "Terrence?"


    "That''s Holder Lands to you, you..." he trailed off as the sight of our jackets registered on his tiny frozen brain. I do mean frozen, because the inside of the house wasn''t really any warmer than the outside. Maybe a couple degrees, and the house walls blocked the wind, but that''s about it.


    Larry sighed, then moved with the speed of a striking snake as he stepped forward and grabbed the business end of the kid''s hunk of wood. More gently than I knew he could, he asked, "where''s your father, Terrence?"


    Terrence didn''t answer. Almost like if he didn''t say it, it wasn''t true. Instead he just nodded toward the courtyard.


    "Fuck." The word slipped out of me, and Terrence''s eyes narrowed.


    "What is this woman doing out of her quarters?"


    I didn''t have to move a muscle. Larry''s palm met the back of Terrence''s head with an audible thwack. "This is Commander Tabitha Diaz, leader of Phileo City''s relief Expedition to Lancaster House, wife of the Imperator of the Allied Cities, and High Priestess and Champion of Loki. As Heir to Lancaster House, I would hate to have to revoke your Hold because you chose to disrespect her."


    I watched a war on Terrence''s face between relief at someone older and more adulty showing up to help and outrage at being told to respect someone he obviously felt unworthy of respect. Larry half turned to me and nodded toward the door. I reached out and pushed it closed. Terrence watched me, then turned to Larry. "But... but..."


    Larry pinched the bridge of his nose. "Diaz, please tell me I wasn''t this bad."


    "Nah." I gave him just long enough to register that, then said, "you were way worse."


    This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.


    "Ouch." He shot me a crooked smile. "Then again, I suppose I deserve that." He turned back to Terrence. "Okay, Terrence, look at it this way. Did your father tell you why General Lancaster called in the Volunteers?"


    He shrugged. "A little. Something about New Amsterdam threatening our border."


    Larry nodded. "They did more than threaten. They raised two armies, each larger than our own. One held the walls at Newark while the other circled around our army and attacked the walls at Camden Yards."


    Terrence''s face fell. "General Lancaster lost?" At this point he sounded like the kid I knew he must be under all the grime and bravado.


    Larry shook his head. "No. Although I''m told he was incapacitated by New Amsterdam treachery before the battle began."


    "So... what happened?"


    "Those two armies? One led by a High Priest of Ares, the other ensconced behind the walls of Newark?" He let that hang there.


    After a few moments Terrence broke. "Yeah?"


    Larry nodded toward me. "She killed them all."


    As Terrence looked at me with the same look I must have had when I saw that fucking air liner sized Dragon looking down at me like lunch, I blurted out, "hey! I didn''t kill all of them."


    Larry heaved a sigh. "Diaz, your modesty is ill becoming at this moment."


    I shrugged. "Not modesty. Guilt, really."


    He sighed. "Fine. You didn''t kill all of them. Apparently more than half of their levies broke and ran after you dealt with their Heroes. How many Heroes did they have left at the end of the battle?"


    I shrugged again, looking at the ceiling as I tried to remember numbers. "A hundred? Maybe two?"


    He rolled his eyes. "How many capable of combat?"


    "Oh. Yeah. None."


    Terrence looked at me with something like awe. "She led the army when General Lancaster fell?"


    I closed my eyes and winced. "No." I heaved a lungful of air in and out. "I killed them all. Thousands of levies. Tens of thousands, maybe? Hundreds of Heroes. Maybe a thousand? I don''t think so. But hundreds, definitely." I opened my eyes and glared at Larry. "How did you find out details, anyhow?"


    "McConno and Driver told me what they observed from the wall, and what your wife told them on one of the days afterward while you recovered."


    I looked at the kid again. "So. Yeah. I''m the big scary monster. Lucky you, I''m here to help. Are you the only one left?"


    He shook his head. "The women... most of the women are fine, I think."


    "You think?"


    "I only see them at mealtimes. Well, I don''t really see them. But they leave me food on the counter."


    "Anybody else?"


    He shrugged. "I''m not sure about the bunkhouses. I made sure they had food and coal for their stoves, but... There are a couple men who I couldn''t lift." He nodded toward the steps. "I think they''re dead? But I..."


    I had to hand it to him, he managed to keep his tears from falling, but no kid should have to go through that. Shit, I''d gone through something similar not too much older than him. I stepped forward and pulled him into an embrace, shoving his face into my chest, my arms holding him there despite his weak flailing. With that tiny bit of privacy, his shoulders finally shook, and after a few endless moments some of his tears soaked through my jacket.


    Larry stepped up and laid a single hand atop Terrence''s head. "You did good, Holder Lands."


    Terrence pushed away from me; I let him get far enough away to look up at Larry, but kept my arms around him, supporting him. "How can I have? I can''t even stop her from making me cry."


    Larry shook his head, but I beat him to the punch, saying, "hey, did you forget who you''re talking to?"


    He sniffled a little and said, "well, that''s all stuff people told him. Maybe they lied?"


    Larry heaved another sigh. "Fine. On the way here, I witnessed with my own eyes when a Dragon ate her." When Terrance''s face went all twisted with confusion, Larry finished, "the Dragon died, and she walked out of its mouth."


    Despite himself, Terrence blurted out a single bark of laughter, followed by, "now I know you''re just making things up."


    Larry just stared at him, face blank, until after like a minute Terrence looked up at me, then back to Larry and said, "really?" in the tiniest voice ever. Larry nodded. "Holy shit."


    "Indeed. Now, Holder Lands, with your permission we''d like to see to your dead and see what we can do for those who remain."


    "Okay." He reached into his shirt and pulled out an old school skeleton key with a fancy head. "This opens all the locks in the houses."


    Larry took it solemnly, saying, "I will return it before we leave." He turned to me. "Commander, can you handle the Volunteers and then join me in the women''s quarters?"


    I nodded, then stepped outside. Pitching my voice to carry across all the men working to clear the courtyard, I hollered, "okay, ladies and gentlemen, the situation isn''t great, but we''ve seen worse. I need half of you in each bunkhouse checking for survivors and supplies; bring anyone who''s still alive and all the remaining supplies into the farmhouse. Any bodies you find can join the ones in the courtyard," I nodded toward the oblong piles of snow, "until we have time to bury them tomorrow. Get to it, people, it''s only gonna get colder, and I want every living soul on this farm in the farmhouse where we can warm them all up."


    With the troops moving to carry out my orders, I stepped back inside and jogged up the stairs to check the bedrooms. The first two I checked had very big, very dead men laying on the beds. I stepped them into the courtyard, laying them between snow piles. I stepped back in to find two more empty bedrooms on the north side, then stepped across to the south side, where the first room had a body that Assessed as ''critical'' rather than ''dead''. Without thinking I hammered the almost-corpse with the biggest Heal I could, followed by a Cure and another Heal. Then I stepped out of the way as the woman, as it proved to be when she rolled out from under the covers, went to hands and knees next to the bed vomiting up an impressive amount of snot. In case you''re wondering about how I knew she was a she? Guys usually have more going on downstairs, and most of them don''t wear chest binders.


    Shit, they might be a trans guy for all I knew. But the binder sure as shit wasn''t helping them clear their chest, so I stepped up and ran a thin Mana Blade through it. The impressive amount of snot and bloody mucous coming out of them doubled along with their coughing, and I hit them with another Heal before scooping up their binder and Mineral Bonding it back together. I left the binder on the bedside table, said, "I''ll be back, sing out if you need me." and went to the next room, where another dead body greeted me.


    After leaving that one in the courtyard with the others, I made my way to the last room, where a little girl, couldn''t be more than six or seven, lay wheezing on the bed. That hit me along with the relative heat when I opened the door; this was the first room I''d found where the fireplace had a fire in it. I walked over to her, said, "hey there. I''m here to help, but this might sting a bit. Can you be brave for me?"


    She nodded, and I whomped a Stabilize into her. Before her eyes stopped glowing, I hit her with a Heal, then a Cure, then held her hair back while she puked up the accumulated snot in her lungs. As she did, I looked around. The bedside table had what looked like half a bowl of something with chunks of vegetables in it. On the floor nearby I saw another three bowls with increasing amounts of congealed crap around the chunks. The last one looked like it had something growing in it. The fire had more coals than wood, but a rack of wood and a bucket of what looked like coal sat nearby. I didn''t think coal would really burn well in a fireplace, but despite my marvelous Academy education, we hadn''t really gone into climate control systems. Killing off enemies by the truckload? Sure. Heating and cooling a home? Why would you need to do that? That''s what servants are for.


    Every now and then I really wanted to find the people responsible for the state of the world and kick the living shit out of them. Then I''d think about Apollo''s bow, Artemis'' arms, and Odin''s leg. Not a bad start, but I had so much work to do cleaning up their messes that I couldn''t really afford the time to go hunting Gods for sport.


    I would ask only that you do not toy with them, my most Glorious Champion.


    Only ''cause I like you and you asked real nice, Boss.


    The matter is as much a practical one as a merciful one, Tabitha Diaz. Some of them will lash out at those who cannot defend themselves if you give them time to do so.


    Yeah, yeah, I get it.


    Also, I don''t think you would feel right about yourself if you did so.


    Who, me?


    Who cannot seem to forgive herself for killing enemies on the field of battle? Ones who attempted to assassinate her own wife?


    I sighed. Yeah. Thanks, Boss.


    I''m not the best anymore?


    You know you are, Boss.


    I still like to hear you say it.


    I chuckled a little at the peevishness in his voice. I was pretty sure it was an absolute put on, but fuck it, I could afford to coddle dear old dad just a little. Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    By the time the exchange finished, the little girl stared up at me, more than a little wonder in her eyes as she laid a hand on my jacket. I saw some blood in all the mucous on the floor, so I popped another Heal into her. When her eyes stopped glowing she looked up at me and said, "are you a Valkyrie?"


    I snorted, unable to keep my laughter inside completely. "Nah. I''m the mean old lady who scares Valkyries off. My name''s Tabitha. What''s yours?"


    "Teresa."


    "So, what are you doing up here in this room all alone, Teresa?"


    She looked away as she said, "when I started coughing, I snuck out through the counter so I wouldn''t make anyone else sick. Terrence brings me food. I''m not sure they know I''m still alive, because he doesn''t bring any for himself."


    I shook my head, closing my eyes and saying, "shit. Guess the kid has some redeeming qualities after all." I opened them again as I shrugged out of my jacket and draped it over her. "I''m guessing you don''t have any warm clothes up here?"


    "Just what I''m wearing." For reference, she had a simple dress, more like a nightshirt, really, and a pair of slippers. Neither of them really what you''d call ''warm''. I buttoned my jacket across her front, hefted her up onto one hip, and carried her out of the room. When I got down to the dining room, the first person I''d healed upstairs had dressed and stood next to Larry, glowering down at him.


    When the two of them saw me carrying Teresa, Larry looked relieved, where his new friend''s face mixed apprehension with resignation in equal measure. Larry spoke first. "So, Sam here tells me that Teresa there is Terrence''s younger sister?"


    "She didn''t know any better, Sir," said Sam. "Please, I tried to put her back in the women''s quarters, but I couldn''t catch her."


    Larry just shook his head. "I think things might need to change at this farmstead." He looked around the floor, and I realized that a few bodies lay on the floor now; at least all of them seemed to be breathing. "You''ve got, what, five able bodies capable of working the fields?"


    Sam nodded, their expression guarded. "Yeah?"


    Larry''s voice held steel, for all that he spoke quietly. "That''s not enough to keep this farmstead working, and you know it. Given that it seems the women, despite being distraught at losing Teresa, are all in good health, and young Terrence took such pains to keep as many people as alive as he could, despite his age, I feel it would be ill reward indeed to take his hard earned title from him."


    Their eyes narrowed. "So, what are you suggesting?"


    He shrugged. "Only that the women of the farmstead may have to take a more active role. I''m not sure how many are suited to field work, but they certainly can handle any of the chores at the houses themselves, the ones normally done by men."


    Sam seemed a little taken aback. "You''re certain, sir?"


    "The only uncertainty I have is that I could be wrong about some of the women being able to work the fields. If they feel up to it, and show they can handle the work without endangering themselves or others? Let them do so."


    "Truly, sir?"


    He sighed. "I am not in the habit of speaking carelessly, Sam."


    They nodded. "May I go tell them your intent, sir?"


    Larry just nodded, and Sam scurried off toward the kitchen. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came to me. Larry just shook his head, pulled out a chair, and flopped into it.


    After dropping a Heal into each of the warm bodies on the floor, I did so myself.


    If anybody told me when I joined the Academy that there''d be this much watching people vomit? Yeah, that might have been enough of a turn-off to get me to quit.


    Maybe.

 Day Two Hundred And Seventeen

    Dear Diary,


    My old ROTC Sergeants told me that a shit ton of military life was ''hurry up and wait''. I''ve since learned that not only are they right, but that as an officer, since it''s my fucking job to organize the schedules? I not only get ''hurry up and wait'', I get to tell other people when to hurry up, and when to wait.


    Weird thing, I''m really starting to grok the ''why'' of it. I mean, yeah, some of it is people like me who are piss poor at organizing schedules. Even I''ve begun to realize a couple things though. First, a lot of the things military people do need to be started as soon as possible and completed as fast as possible. To use the most gruesome example possible, if you''re got reserves waiting for an opening, or troops waiting to spring an ambush, or anything like that, when the opening happens or when the enemy walks into the kill box? You need to seize that opening before it closes, or neutralize as many of the enemy as possible before you lose the element of surprise. Anything else is just gonna waste time and get people killed.


    That much is just kinda common sense, but the other half I''m only now starting to get. Somebody waiting for that moment is gonna gradually tire out from tension and shit, but not nearly so much as they would tire out from digging trenches, putting up barricades, or any other kind of physical labor. In point of fact, even though staying ready to move any second is mentally tiring, you can still catch your breath, maybe get a little bit physically rested while waiting. Which means if you gotta dig out spots to hide in for that ambush, you want that done as quick as possible so that you can settle down and rest up for as long as possible before the Bad Guys show up.


    So, yeah. It''s a kind of ''work your ass off and get the job done as quick as possible, so you''ve got as much time as possible to sit on your ass and recover''.


    Which, again, is just common sense if you think about it that way, but apparently a lot of people just... don''t?


    So yesterday we got in late, and the troops wound up clearing snow and got everybody living into the shelter of the farmhouse while Larry and I Cured them and Healed them. On the one hand, they got to sleep in the bunkhouses. Terrence had been as good as his word, and the bunkhouses both had plenty of wood and coal, as well as some food that kept well in the cold, like sacks of root vegetables and bags of cereals. Like, wheat and oats and barley, not corn flakes and shredded wheat.


    There''s another thing I miss that I never thought I would. Corn. Who the fuck misses corn? But I hadn''t had a single fuckin'' kernel since I showed up here and now, and by now I kinda missed it. Elote, popcorn, hell, even just corn with butter. No idea why I''d be missing corn, and even less why I didn''t remember seeing it since I arrived. Yet another item on the list of things to ask Saffron about when we had a moment. Okay, when we both had a moment at the same time. That house by the shore that she mentioned sounds better and better each day.


    Of course, we''ll probably have to wait for Isnomi to grow up, since she actually seemed to be a social little rugrat. Wouldn''t want to deny her that just because her mother and I are antisocial bitches who just want to canoodle and watch the seasons change.


    Anyhow, the troops all piled into one bunkhouse. Each of the single-story bunkhouses here could house sixteen people, and that meant they all fit with a spare bunk. Splitting up might have gotten themselves more elbow room, but way less body heat to warm the place up.


    Oh! I''d been right about the coal. Right near the edge of this particular farmstead the mountains kinda jutted into Lancaster territory, and at some point in the past the folks here had found a seam of coal and started working it. Not, like, industrial coal mining or anything like that. Just sending some of the hands out over the summer to knock some loose and drag it back, which meant they didn''t need to chop down as many trees to heat the houses in the winter. Ecologically friendly coal mining. Who knew?


    Yeah, I get that burning coal gives off some nasty shit, but... I mean... more trees?


    Yeah, I failed Environmental Science. Blow me.


    Thing is, you couldn''t really burn coal in a fireplace. Definitely couldn''t burn it safely, what with all those bad gases coming off it. So each of the farmstead buildings had one or more of those little Franklin Stove jobbers. Apparently, just like in my old world, invented by Franklin. High Artificer Franklin in the here and now, but still the same guy. Inventing, philosophizing, philandering, and doing it all while shaped like a particularly dumpy potato. Respect.


    Saffron showed up late in the evening the night we arrived, this time dressed in her uniform. The kids, the women, and all of the former infected except Sam had already gone to bed. When Saffron showed up, Larry shot up out of his seat like somebody''d lit a fire under it. "Imperator!"


    That got a smile out of Saffron. She nodded to him and said, "Cadet Lancaster. Your father sends his regards, and asked how Lancaster House is faring?"


    He grimaced. "Between Lancaster House proper and the immediate outlying farms I''d judge we''ve lost between one person in five and two in five; we haven''t checked the more distant farms yet."


    She nodded, then quietly asked, "how is your brother faring?"


    Lancaster smiled and shrugged. "He seemed fine when last I saw him. He seems... happier? Since he declared me Heir."


    She smiled at him and said, "perhaps he realized he was ill suited to the task?"


    "My brother is by far the better of us."


    "In stature perhaps, and by bearing certainly, but," she paused, making sure Larry was listening instead of planning some other argument. "He is not the sort who would find satisfaction in counting the costs, or minimizing the same while maximizing any benefits to be had."


    Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.


    Larry heaved a sigh, then flopped into his chair and nodded. "I suppose not. So you''re saying I am?"


    She shrugged. "Let''s say that I am absolutely certain you can count higher than he can."


    Her deadpan delivery left everybody staring for a second. I broke first, laughing my ass off at the image of Lachlan trying to count to twenty two. Larry didn''t laugh quite so hard, but he definitely found something about her statement funny. Even Sam smiled a little at the general merriment, although she definitely looked nervous about laughing about a Lancaster''s failings, even at one remove.


    I pulled Saffron down into my lap. She gave me a mildly disgruntled look, but when I just shrugged and smiled at her, she leaned in and kissed me. I kinda lost track of time for a while. Eventually, when she decided to come up for air, I asked, "so why the uniform today?"


    She rolled her eyes. "Marie decided it needed to be cleaned. ''Properly'' cleaned. I suspect she''s also going to go about mending it."


    "Something of Conrad''s wound up damaged?"


    "Not that I noticed, but Conrad and Marie both adhere to higher standards when it comes to proper attire."


    I nodded. "Fair point. You''re good if it''s on properly and doesn''t have any visible stains or big rips or shit."


    "And you, my beloved Goof, are fine as long as it''s supposed to cover your privates. Even if it succeeds and fails on a moment to moment basis."


    I laughed at that, and this time Sam seemed way less restrained about it. Larry had the weirdest expression, like half kumquat look, half guffaw. "It''s okay, Larry. Seriously, you think I could be this much of a fuck-up and not realize it? I''ve made my peace with it. Mostly. I''m sure as shit not gonna get pissy if a friend laughs at me about it."


    That killed his laughter right there, although it killed his kumquat look too, so, partial win? After a minute of staring, he said, "you would count me a friend?"


    I sighed, smiled up at Saffron, who smiled back down, then pushed my chin with one finger until I looked in Larry''s direction. "Yeah, yeah, I do. Fuckin'' weird, ain''t it?"


    He tilted his head sideways in a weird shrugging gesture, then said, "war and plague make for strange bedfellows, it seems."


    "Hey, I said friend, not bedfellows. Told you before, not gonna get in Bonnie''s way." I smiled at him to take the sting out of the words. "However, speaking of bedfellows, I''m for bed." I stood, smoothly lifting Saffron into a princess carry. She squawked a little and threw her arms around my neck. "G''night, all."


    We''d been given the Heir''s suite for the night; Terrence and his sister had taken over the mirroring Master suite. I kinda wanted to pay them a visit, or maybe tell Sam to, but between not wanting to intrude and wanting some alone time with Saffron, I didn''t.


    When we finally got to sleep, Mimic dreamt of that not-tic-tac-toe game. Complete with little white and black stones now. Weird.


    Larry and I spent the following day directing the troops and the farmstead folks digging holes and laying their dead to rest. A couple times when we hit spots that were hard frozen or had roots or rocks or some shit in the way, I just Mana Bladed the fuck out of obstacles. I mean, I think I could have done that for the holes entirely, but it seemed... disrespectful? Also, I didn''t think it would leave enough dirt to fill the holes, so yeah, I didn''t do that.


    Saffron brought Marie and Isnomi around for our second night at the farm. Isnomi, Terrence, and Teresa wound up charging around the farmhouse playing some kind of shrieking kid chase game until all three of them zonked out at some point well after dark. At Isnomi''s sleepy insistence, we tucked them all into the master suite bed. Sleepover time with her new friends. As we stood there watching them all snore, I leaned my head against Saffron''s.


    They''re a little old for her, but I''m glad she''s making friends.


    Saffron sighed. You realize how little age means to her, yes?


    I pulled her closer. Yeah, she''s super advanced and all, but he''s like, ten years older than her, at least.


    She turned to me, turning me to face her. I put my arms around her, and she put one hand on either side of my face. No, love. Not what I meant at all. When I just kind of stared at her, uncomprehending, but still enjoying the view of her in my arms, she thought, she''s Mor. A Primordial. A Deity. Age will touch her exactly as much as she wishes it to, no more, no less.


    I looked down at her, comprehension and corollary smacking me like a brick to the face. I... I don''t know that I''d want to go on without you.


    She smiled up at me. Goof. My love. You are my Goddess. My Patron. When my mortal coil is at its end, when my body is laid to rest, whether it be from age or misadventure, my soul will be yours to do with as you will. She sighed and buried her face in my chest. I buried my face in her hair as she thought. It is that thought alone that allows me to evince some modicum of your fearlessness.


    I reached down and crossed my arms behind her butt, lifting her until she locked her ankles behind me. I carried her along the balcony, down north steps, across the dining room, up the south steps, and along the balcony to the heir''s suite like that. I think. Not like I saw any of it, because I was too busy playing tonsil hockey with my wife. When we got to our suite, we found the room toasty warm, and a surprisingly shy looking Marie already in the bed under the covers.


    With her uniform hanging from a hook on the back of the dressing room door. Saffron and I saw that, looked at each other, and without the need for any fancy telepathy knew exactly what we had to do. Starting with her kicking the door shut behind us.


    None of us got that much sleep. None of us cared much, either.


    The family stayed for breakfast, and when it came time for hugs and kisses good bye, Isnomi toddled over to Terrence and Teresa before letting Marie scoop her up to go.


    Larry and I spent the day helping the farmstead workers, including at least a third of the women, as well as all of our troops who weren''t actually on guard duty, clear out the roads to the south and west. I had way less respect for snow and ice than I did for somebody''s grave, so while I don''t know what Larry did to the west, I straight up blew the snow off with super sized Air Shields, then Mana Bladed the ice into non-existence. By lunchtime I sent most of my troops back to help Larry. At which point the one problem with my method became blindingly clear.


    Instead of leaving pockets of ice or snow in the inevitable ruts and potholes of the road, I''d just Mana Bladed that shit smooth. Smooth as glass. Smooth as ice. Which, when somebody tried to walk on it with wet feet? The obvious thing happened.


    So the four Veterans who stayed with me? Pretty much spent the day shattering the thin layer of glassy whatever I''d turned the road surface into. I''d have felt bad, but they all assured me that ''breaking shit was way more fun than shoveling snow and picking ice''.


    Y''know? Once I finished glassing the road all the way to the farmstead''s edge, which I knew was the edge because we hit the area that had already been cleared out by Fred and Linus'' guys? I started smashing the shit out of that thin layer of glass myself. Mostly just by stomping around on it playing Godzilla, complete with rearing my head back, roaring, and extending a Mana Blade skyward from my tongue.


    I think I burned my teeth a little. Definitely burned my lips on them when I stopped.


    Fuck it. Worth.

 Day Two Hundred And Eighteen

    Dear Diary,


    Apparently sensitive spots hurt not just when you hurt them, but while they''re healing, too. Need to remember that if I ever get the dumb idea to hurt someplace more sensitive than my lips.


    So after two straight days of burials and road work, we''d got Terrence''s farmstead pretty much seen to. Three nights staying in a farmhouse where we''ve got a decent sized suite was kinda nice, too. The latter two nights having Isnomi right across the house doing the sleepover thing with Terrence and Teresa was even better.


    What? I sleep better with Marie and Saffron piled around me. Really. That''s all. Insert Muttley snicker here, because I might really have slept better, but I sure as fuck didn''t sleep as much.


    So we''d checked the four cardinal directions, as well as east and west of north, plus a few more to the east, where we''d come in, I figured after checking the two in the southeast and southwest, we''d need to start pushing outward, although I wasn''t sure which direction to do first; east, since that seemed to be which direction the Plague had moved, which meant people there needed help more, or west, to find out where the edges were. North I figured Gary and Rowena could handle on their way back. Unless they just came straight back along the same path, which would be faster, but... fuck, I hadn''t specifically told them which to do. I don''t think I had, anyway. Hopefully they''d make the right decision, because fuck me if I knew even now what the ''right decision'' was.


    Right after breakfast I hopped Larry and I back to the western farmstead, and between having no troops with us and having a cleared road to travel on, we straight up ran southward, winding up at the southwestern farmstead right around lunch time. Angel and Bill had the situation well in hand; they''d Cured everybody who might have needed it, then started in on helping the troops clear the road eastward. They''d just come back from the front to check on the farmstead and have lunch themselves.


    We sat down at the table with Holder Vivian Lands, which I thought was a real weird name for a dude, but given that there would be a bunch of little dudes running around named Tabitha, I wasn''t really one to judge. The women of the farm brought out the food, which by ''orthodox'' Lancaster House standards seemed almost progressive. Then again, while my ''tracts of bountiful land'' might not be quite as bountiful as Saffron''s as a factor of our height, I''m like almost a foot taller than her, and I''m not one to bind that shit, so I was pretty clearly a woman sitting down to eat. I guess between me doing that, Lancaster nominally deferring to me, and him not, I dunno, burning people at the stake for letting the women out of their cage? Vivian felt chill enough with us to not be constantly apologizing for, as noted, letting the women out of their cages.


    Given they came and went freely from the kitchen, and one of them wandered upstairs at one point to roust out a kid who''d been put down for a mid-day nap, it seemed like ''cage'' might not really be the right word here. Hard to be sure though.


    Once we''d finished lunch, which had been a mix of salted fish bought from a farm to the south before the snow set in and mashed yams with what tasted like syrup mixed in them, I turned to Bill and said, "so, how''s our southern line looking?"


    He nodded and said, "almost done from here to the south central farm. Angel jogged over to where they''d cleared things; we should have the road from here to there cleared entirely, with Volunteers stationed just within sight of each other all along the way. I was thinking we ought to let them dig in a little; not to hold if they see Calverton coming, but enough to keep them out of the weather. Or maybe rotate them back to the farmsteads?"


    I thought about it. I didn''t want us running into the Calverton Army while we were all spread out, but I wanted to get a solid idea of how far the plague had spread. Eventually I shook my head. "Once you''ve got this end set up, I want the two of you to push westward until you hit a farmstead where the Plague hasn''t hit them, or where they stopped it cold like they did to the northwest. Or until you run out of troops, at which point we''ll have to shuffle some from Lancaster House down to widen the line."


    "We''ll want to push northward at least one farmstead behind the line and clear that east west road as well, Commander." When I just raised an eyebrow and made a ''go on'' gesture with my spoon, he said, "if we''ve only got the one road clear, any troops beyond our current westernmost north south road will wind up cut off."


    I closed my eyes and tried to picture what he''d said. "Shit. I''m gonna need to look at Bonnie''s map to be sure of things, but... yeah, I think you''re right. It''s gonna wind up taking more troops, but once you''ve got this southern road set up? Head north, leave a line of units along the north south road, then head westward along that line doing the same. When you get to that farm, plow south, then back east to here."


    "They''ll still run the risk of getting cut off." Larry sounded a little speculative, like he''d decided to play devil''s advocate rather than actually push back. Hell, I kind of needed it, because I''d missed the potential for us getting cut of at all.


    Still, sometimes you had to do risky shit in fucked up situations. Not like I''d ever done that before. Okay, not like I''d ever ordered someone else to do that before when I wasn''t going to be doing the same. Fuck. "You''re not wrong, but we need to take that chance somewhere, unless we plan on letting the Plague do its worst while we hunker down at Lancaster House eating waffles."


    "I don''t know, Commander. The Ladies make very good waffles." I popped my eyes back open and stared at him, but he''d managed to hold a decent poker face.


    Angel snorted, then started laughing. "Shit, Lancaster, are you feeling okay?"


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    "Believe it or not, Cadet MacConno, I have a functioning brain and sense of humor both. Despite all the evidence to the contrary."


    I cut in before that particular back and forth could go south, because we absolutely did not have time for it if it did. "Okay, so it''s my call to make and I''m saying we''ll extend the east west line from Lancaster House, pushing south and back towards the center with each additional farmstead we clear. Got it?"


    Angel and Bill both nodded, so I turned to Holder Vivian as I pushed myself out of the chair. "Well then. Lunch was excellent, Holder, but Heir Lancaster and I have to go if we''re going to make it to meet with Cadets Jonopolous and Carruthers before dark."


    Larry nodded and stood, and I put a hand on his shoulder and stepped us both to the farm where we''d last seen Fred and Linus. While we ran southward, I said, "so, no news as of yet from or about your cousins. That doesn''t sit well with me."


    He nodded, and slowed down just a touch in order to reply. "I can think of a few reasons they might not have contacted us."


    "Enlighten me?"


    "They may have found no evidence of Calverton forces and decided to push forward as far as they could into Calverton territory, where the roads are... less good. They might have found a stationary Calverton army and decided to scout it out as thoroughly as possible. They might have decided to travel entirely off-road, which wouldn''t slow them as much as it would troops, but might still explain their delay in returning."


    I nodded, but said, "I notice you don''t include ''they ran into a Calverton army and all died'', ''enough of them defected that the rest all died'', and ''they''re playing some kind of bullshit game to try and wind up with one of them as Heir''."


    "I did not, Commander. I was thinking of reasons that would be less stressful than those."


    "Fair point."


    After that we kicked the pace back up, and wound up at the southeastern farmstead well before dinner time. The road had been completely cleared, and when we got to the farmhouse we found a single unit in one of the bunkhouses. Linus and Fred were out with the troops, clearing the path westward. The remains of the former inhabitants of this farm were buried in the field nearest the farmstead. I decided not to go running into the night and stepped us both back to Lancaster House.


    The lack of information regarding the cousins still did not sit well with me. Either they''d hit something and gotten themselves bogged down, they''d turned their coats and we''d have to deal with that, they''d decided to fuck around instead of getting the job done and heading back, or they''d thought up some new deviltry that my poor little abused brain couldn''t come up with. I may only be good for fucking shit up, but at least I''m pretty fuckin'' straightforward about it. I''ve pretty much got two action modes, and both start with ''fuck you'', and one ends with ''r shit up'', while the other finishes up with ''senseless''. I''m a simple woman, never claimed otherwise.


    At any rate, we got together with Bonnie, Lachlan, and Raven in the map room before dinner. "Okay, so we know this farm," I tapped the one to the northwest with a toe, "was almost completely plague free. The ones east of here got hit progressively harder the further east they were." I stepped over and tapped each of those as well. "The farms with Volunteers billeted, inclusive of Lancaster House, got hit pretty hard; the ones without some kind of Healing got ripped the fuck up, where the ones with Healing just got hammered a bit." I kept hopping around tapping farmsteads as I mentioned them, hopping over or stepping around Bonnie''s formations of yams and apples, because the visuals helped me to think. If they did so for anyone else, great side benefit, but I had the big hat, so I had to be the one to make the decision, so my brain had to grok it all. "The ones to the southeast and northeast both got whomped but good."


    I kinda broke down at that point. I didn''t start bawling or anything, but I couldn''t bring myself to do any more mental work, what with me still coming to terms with that field full of low mounds of dirt and empty farm buildings. After a minute or so, Larry coughed quietly and said, "should we have them bring the livestock from the southeast farm back here, or use it for supplies for our front line?"


    I shook my head and asked, "what are your thoughts about it?"


    He nodded and said, "we''ve got the manpower here to slaughter the livestock we need to, not to mention processing the meat into rations that will keep more troops fed for longer. If they do it there, they''ll be able to keep more animals alive longer, but they''ll waste more of the food from each animal, not to mention the leather, wool, or other useable portions.


    I thought about it for a half second, made my decision for the worst reason possible, because otherwise I''d still wind up stumped, and said, "let''s send a unit with some folks trained in transporting animals and bring them all back here. Corral what we can, butcher and process the rest. Um, am I right that most of the cows can be milked and the sheep shorn for wool without, y''know, killing them?" Lancaster nodded. "Okay then. Preferentially slaughter any pigs we get. From what I know, they''re both a little messier and don''t provide anything but meat and maybe leather?"


    He shrugged. "They also can eat just about any refuse that isn''t outright poisonous. I''d recommend keeping at least a few around for that purpose."


    I nodded again. "Make it so." I looked up at the big ''L'' window and saw a lack of light seeping in around the shutters. "Let''s go get dinner, then I''m for bed, I think."


    Larry just nodded, first to me, then to one of the butler guys, who took off at a trot, I''m guessing to get dinner ready for us. I trudged up the stairs, more mentally tired than physically. You coming to Lancaster House for dinner, Kitten?


    Sorry, love, but I''m working through dinner. Is there any chance you could pick up Marie and Isnomi from the Academy and...


    And?


    I feel a little soft saying this, especially since it''s at least in part because I know Ophelia doesn''t have the option every night, but could you have a bath ready when I get there?


    I laughed a little at that, thought, sure, Kitten, then stepped to the Academy and met Marie and our little menace as they came into the cell. Isnomi cried out, "mama!" when she saw me, then launched herself at me from the front of Marie''s cart. When I''d got my balance back, I stepped over to Marie, put an arm around her and, after standing like that for a minute, stepped us all back to the dining room at Lancaster House. Despite my hints that she ought to sit down and eat with us, Marie helped serve dinner. Isnomi had apparently decided that Lachlan made a good conversation partner, because she ran around the table and grabbed the seat next to him. I deliberately clubbed the part of my brain thinking about how similar their mental ages seemed when it tried to start matchmaking and shit, then spent dinner talking with Raven about nothing much. Well, okay, she was talking about potential improvements to the map room, or a way to do something similar in Phileo or Camden Yards. I mostly just nodded and made polite noises while I ate my meat pie. Really weird flavor, what with yams replacing the potatoes I''d expected.


    Then again, I''d made what amounted to a major logistic decision because I wanted to get scrapple back on the menu, so I didn''t have much room for culinary complaints.

 Day Two Hundred And Nineteen

    Dear Diary,


    Everybody wants a Catgirl Maid, but nobody wants hair in their food. Or throat.


    Not really something that''s happened with Marie, but I''d be lying if I didn''t say she doesn''t on occasion smell very Marie-ish. I mean, it''s not bad, per se, and my monkey brain has associated it with pleasant things like food, clean clothes, and shenanigans, but it''s definitely a thing that exists. I''m pretty sure I could smell her coming from quite a ways away from upwind. I guess I just find it interesting that a smell that I might be annoyed by if I got a whiff of it before making those subconscious connections does such a good job of releasing the happy brain chemicals now.


    So after dinner Marie and Isnomi and I trooped up to our suite and got the bathtub full and hot; the two of us had been in the tub, Marie and I working on getting Isnomi clean despite her efforts to avoid us, when Saffron showed up. I moved to go gather her up where she stood kind of swaying, but Marie stopped me with a hand on my arm and a nod toward Isnomi. I mean, I don''t think either of us thought the menace would drown, but it made sense for me, the already soaked one, to stay with her while Marie, the still dry one, went and collected Saffron. So I got to watch as Marie disrobed our asleep-on-her-feet Saffron, then carried her over and handed her to me. I lowered her gently into the tub as her eyes slid closed.


    "Mmmm. That''s nice."


    I handed the Menace the sponge I''d been using to soap her up, then lay back with the back of Saffron''s head resting against my chest. She never opened her eyes, and a few times when Marie focused on getting Isnomi slightly less sudsy, or on re-soaping the sponge, she even started snoring lightly. I got a weird idea and, after making sure I wasn''t going to slide us both under the water, looked through her eyes.


    She stood on a low rise above a beach. Without thinking about it, I walked up behind her and put my arms around her. She didn''t startle or anything, just leaned back against me with a contented hum and purr. After we stood there watching the waves for I have no idea how long, we were inside the living area of a little cottage, me lying back across a sofa, her lying atop me, both of us looking out a wide set of windows that looked over the hill we''d been standing on. My hands wandered a little, but slowly, gently, with no real intent, just not quite still enough to let either of us forget about the other. Hers did the same until she rolled over onto her side, then closed her eyes and started snoring.


    My eyes popped open to look down at Saffron where she''d lay her head against my breasts and curled up against me in the tub. I guess she really did dream about that little cottage by the ocean that she''d talked about. Literally. I definitely had to look into how to claim beachfront property when I had a second when the world wasn''t about to end, with me being the only thing holding the line between victory and defeat. Or whatever; I''m not sure everybody dying of plague would be a victory for anybody, since from what I''d seen? Phileo didn''t really have any overcrowding issues. The homes I''d seen in Camden Yards were on the snug side, some of them as full as our cell at the Academy, but no instances of ''twenty people living in a hundred square feet'' or crazy bullshit like that. Which meant that the people were the scarce resource, not the buildings or even the land.


    Eventually Marie decided it was time for us to get out of the tub, because Saffron had been asleep for a while, I was too comfortable to move, and Isnomi had about as much desire to leave the tub as a fish would. "Oi, Menace, you get out first." When she gave me a booger look about it, I quietly explained, "Mom can stay asleep if I''m careful getting out of the tub, but not if I''ve got to maneuver around you." That got her moving, and while Marie dried her off I maneuvered myself around until I knelt alongside Saffron, one hand under her shoulders and the other in the center of her back. When Marie finished with Isnomi and pushed her toward the bedroom, I rose as smoothly as I could, until Marie could reach under her with a towel and lift her from my arms without getting the towel soaking wet.


    I went back to kneeling there in the tub while Marie gently bundled Saffron off to the bedroom. When she came back, raising an eyebrow at me still sitting in the tub, I looked up, smiled, and said, "do with me as you will. But close the doors first?" She did. Both.


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    All of us slept well.


    When we finally stirred in the morning, it was to polite knocking on the suite door. Marie got dressed and to the door faster than I thought possible. She opened it, I caught some masculine murmuring, then she nodded and closed it. By the time she strode back into the room, I''d propped myself up on my elbows, jostling Saffron and Isnomi both just a little. When she got to us, she announced, "Breakfast." I didn''t think she''d said it all that loud, but Isnomi nearly leapt out of the bed toward her clothes, and the suite definitely wasn''t cold enough for that to be her reason for hurrying. I chuckled at her and half rolled over to free an arm to lay a hand on Saffron''s shoulder. "Time to get up, Kitten."


    A smile stretched across her face. "I know that, Goof. The knocking woke me, I think. Either that or Marie getting out of bed."


    "Yeah, my bet''s on the knocking. You okay to have breakfast here?"


    She made a cute little moue. "Whether I am or not, I think I will, at least today." So it was we all wound up devouring our weight in Lancaster House waffles. Okay, I did, and I''m pretty damn sure the menace did as well. Saffron enjoyed them as well, and I think I even saw Marie sneak one off the tray and disappear it into her mouth on the way to the table. Not, like, absolutely sure, because that Maenad has some fast fuckin'' hands, but she definitely had that ''cat that got into the cream'' look a couple times as she approached the table.


    When it finally hit me what she was doing by playing the whole ''maid'' role here, it hit me hard enough I had to stop eating for a second. Kitten?


    Yes, Goof?


    Is she doing that on purpose?


    Is who doing what on purpose, my love?


    Is Marie doing the butler''s job to not just show them that a woman can do it, but to show she can do it better than them, and, like, do it while being too fuckin'' scary for them to even think about complaining about it?


    I''d hope so, since she asked me about it one of the nights we didn''t come over here.


    I''ve got to remember that no matter what she says, I''m the slow one out of my funky little family here. Thanks, Kitten.


    Consider it assistance with your tertiary mission here.


    Uh, I''ve got a tertiary mission?


    She looked across the table and met my gaze. Correcting some of Lancaster House''s worst excesses. I can count on you to do that, right?


    Oh, fuck yeah, I can do that for you. Hell, Larry''s made a good start on it already.


    And who exactly has spent the last six months or so beating good sense into his head whenever possible?


    I chuckled around my waffle. Message received and mission accepted, Imperator mine.


    After everyone at the table had nearly eaten themselves into a food coma, because the waffles were just that good, and the two of us who would be running just plain needed the calories, Saffron, Marie, and Isnomi gathered up for hugs and kisses. Isnomi actually ran around giving everybody hugs before leaving, while Saffron, Marie, and I just stood there watching. Right before Saffron jumped them back, she thought, remember, tomorrow you''re due at the Academy for a certain scamp''s birthday party.


    Once they''d left, I walked over to Lancaster and said, "I''m thinking we start at the south central farm, head east until we find Linus and Fred, then hop over and check up on Angel and Bill."


    "I suspect you''ve got at least some intent to check the sides of our clear roads as well, yes?" When I looked at him with my head tilted a little, he sighed and said, "to see if there is any evidence of my cousins returning."


    I nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I think we really ought to. They should be back by now. I just can''t see all of them standing and fighting to the bitter end if they wound up stumbling into the entire Calverton Army."


    "While I agree with your assessment, it''s still possible that, in their arrogance, they''ve bitten off more than they could collectively chew."


    I nodded, lay a hand on his shoulder, and stepped us both back to the central south farm. We didn''t catch up with Fred and Linus until we hit the southeastern farmstead, although we spotted their first unit as we left the central farmstead, so at least our southern border had guards all the way across. When we finally did catch them up and I explained the new plan, Fred caught on immediately. Carruthers, not so much, but he seemed fine to follow Fred''s lead.


    Larry and I spent the rest of the day hopping around checking out roads. Bill and Angel had made a good start on clearing the central east-west road toward the west. Other than that? No joy.


    Missing Heroes did not bode well. It really pissed me off, too, since it meant I had to either skip Isnomi''s party to hunt them down, or leave them MIA while I attended.


    I swear, either way I was gonna see to it they didn''t pull this kind of loose cannon shit again.

 Day Two Hundred And Twenty

    Dear Diary,


    Just once I''d like something good without some immediate price, or aftereffects, or random bullshit coming along to spoil the afterglow.


    I know, I know, I''m bitching when people are literally dying. Of course, I''ve been there, done that, burned the tee shirt, and didn''t even bother to check in on Facebook, but still, I got better. Hell, when I think about it, ''got better'' is something of an understatement. Back home I was kinda cute, yeah, in that ''my depression is chronic, but my ass is iconic'' kind of way, but here? Here I get to be a literal fuckin'' superhero, and while my body isn''t as comfortably padded as the one back there, it''s pretty fuckin'' baller. Instead of a couple unreliable booty call numbers and one relative who never failed to let me know what a burden I was, I''ve got a wife, a lover, and a kid who all know about and adore each other. Also me, apparently, which I understand intellectually, but actually getting it? Yeah, just does not compute.


    So last night as I got ready for bed I had a sudden rush of brains to the head. Saffron had come for dinner along with Marie and Isnomi, and the menace was playing some kind of pounce game in the living room of the suite with Marie while Saffron and I just lay in the bed snuggled up. I buried my face in her hair and asked, "you gonna be Co-Locating tomorrow?"


    She nodded. "I thought that much was obvious," she murmured back as we watched as the pair in the other room flashed past the door, Isnomi running for all she was worth with Marie in hot pursuit.


    "Don''t you have to, like, do thinky things as Imperator?"


    She shrugged. "Standing there looking impatient doesn''t take all that much in the way of attention. Also, if they really do need me they won''t be surprised that I''m in a foul mood."


    I chuckled and snuggled her to me. Kind of funny, thinking about how in my old body, which had way more padding, I''d never really had someone use me as a pillow. Here and now? If Isnomi wasn''t wormed in between us, Saffron and I both pretty much used each other as body pillows. "Think I might see if Larry can handle all the thinky stuff here while I get my party on with you back at the Academy."


    "Goof?" She sounded a little like she might be heading to a ''really, Diaz?'' moment, so I modulated my reply with appropriate contrition.


    "Yes, Kitten?"


    "You are aware that this will be her first birthday party. It is extremely unlikely that there will be liquor and shenanigans involved. Cake and paper hats will most likely be the most festive things around."


    I shrugged. "Yeah, I get that. But she won''t stay awake for twenty four hours straight. Some light canoodling might be possible, right?"


    "Tabitha..." A playful warning note crept into her voice.


    I put on my best ''speculative'' look, staring at the ceiling and saying, "y''know, I really ought to make sure I can Co-Locate at that distance and keep one of me vaguely coherent. Mind helping me out?"


    I stepped us both to our cell at the Academy, splitting myself as I did. Saffron did the same in reverse, and one of each of us lay there idly watching Marie and the menace playing chase and pounce, while the other ones worked on improving Saffron''s Canoodling skill.


    My plan was not well thought out. Mimic dreams interrupted the best part, and that left me waking up all cranky-like. It didn''t help that Saffron giggled at me all through getting dressed. Right before I Co-Located down to the dining room so the four of us could go hit the Academy? She hopped up and threw her arms around my neck, then pulled her mouth right up next to my ear. "Poor Tabitha. Falling asleep just then must have been terrible for you."


    I rolled me eyes and murmured back, "can''t imagine you enjoyed it any more than me."


    As Marie finished getting the menace all dolled up, not just in her uniform, but with her little tiara and cummerbund too, she breathed into my ear, "I didn''t fall asleep just then." She pulled back and gave me that awful Grin of Panty Destruction and said, "I slept so well last night though."


    "Oh, that''s just mean."


    She raised one eyebrow the tiniest bit. "Did you want me to stop?"


    "Oh, fuck no."


    She nodded, her face filled with fake solemnity. "Correct. This will be a one-year-old''s birthday party. No fucking at all."


    I shook my head. "Mean, mean, mean."


    She giggled up at me as she took my hand in one of hers, while Marie took hold of her other one. "You love it."


    I smiled at her. "Yeah, I know. Kinda mean of you to go on about it though."


    She just singsonged, "that makes it even better!"


    I stepped us all to our cell at the Academy, Co-Locating to the dining room at Lancaster House as I did. "You just gotta be right all the time, and be smug about it, don''t you?"


    As we left our cell headed in the general direction of the Dining Hall, she jumped up so I could carry her not unlike Marie carried Isnomi, although Isnomi''s legs were nowhere near long enough to lock her ankles above Marie''s opposite hip. She leaned into my ear and murmured another singsong of, "that makes it even wet... I mean better!"


    "You, my Kitten, are in rare form today." I couldn''t really reciprocate her teasing, what with my brain melting to slag as she no doubt intended, but I did put an arm around underneath her and took a firm hold of her ass. Just to keep her from falling. Really. My other hand''s fingers interlaced with Marie''s, and for just a little while, the length of our walk to the Dining Hall, all was right with the world.


    Back at Lancaster House, I''d sat down to a big old waffle breakfast. In between fresh servings coming out of the kitchen, I leaned forward to see past Bonnie where she''d taken up residence at Larry''s left hand and asked, "Larry, do you mind taking the lead today? I''m kinda juggling a couple things in my head, and don''t want to wind up having a bad case of the dumb right when it''s time to make some decision or another."


    He looked a little confused, but just shrugged and said, "of course, Commander."


    Back at the Academy, when we hit the Dining Hall a hush spread outward from us. Kinda weird what with us both being in our Academy uniforms rather than our Clergy dresses, but when I really looked around I realized that the Hall had maybe a quarter of the vaguely teenaged Freshman and regular Cadets I expected, and none of the older ''waiting for a slot'' Senior Cadets. The high table stood equally denuded, with only Marshall duBois, Headmaster Miles, Doc DeLeon, and Sister Trease at the table.


    Just as I realized how few people the room had, every Maid in the room, Marie included, turned to us and said, "happy birthday!" Like, all at the same time. Super creepy, and also pretty fuckin'' loud. Not as loud as I knew they could be, but then their goal wasn''t to make everyone in the room leak from ears, eyes, and bladder either. Two of the ''happy birthday''s had come from behind us, where a pair of Maids wheeled in a cart that barely fit through the double doors what with the ginormous cake sitting on top of it. Not unlike mine from last year, they''d put a straight up six inch long, inch wide candle on the top of it. The top of the top tier, anyhow, because the thing had four goddamned tiers. The bottom had black icing, the second white, the third red, and the fourth gray. Academy colors. I really shouldn''t have expected anything else, but, I mean, goddammit I didn''t expect a cake at all, let alone a land mass disguised as confectionary.


    I got the fairly unique pleasure of eating waffles at Lancaster House while nomming birthday cake at the Academy. Double breakfast for the win! Something tickled at my brain about that, but nothing bad. Just a vague thought that I''d missed a trick somewhere. Wasn''t gonna let it bug me, though; I sat across from Saffron, both of us smiling when we realized we''d split up to sit this way out of habit. For Isnomi''s part, Jon the handyman carried in a little miniature chair and table, both Isnomi-sized, and set them on the table not quite between Saffron and I. Some deeply buried part of me balked at the thought of putting a table on top of the table, but the menace had run around atop the table barefoot before, so I wasn''t gonna say anything. Mostly because my mouth was anticipating being full of cake.


    Once the menace sat enthroned in her little chair, Marie slid the top section of the cake off and set it on the mini-table in front of the menace. She looked at it, then at Saffron, then at me, her eyes wide. "Go on, Menace. Make a wish and blow out the candle!"


    Her eyes got even bigger, she looked at the candle and said, "I wanna fye!" then puffed out her cheeks and blew.


    Unfortunately, as noted this was an actual intended-for-lighting-purposes candle, and despite her precociousness, Isnomi was, in fact, exactly one year old. A one year old doesn''t generally have the bellows to put out a candle like that reliably, so while it spluttered, it didn''t go out. She looked at me again and I said, "go on, try again!"


    She closed her eyes, mouthed the word, "fye!" then took in a super deep breath and blew. The candle, stalwart in its duty to provide light to its section of the already well lit room, fluttered and spluttered, but refused to go out. Her mouth scrunched up and her brows drew down. I tried to think of something I could say to keep this from spoiling her mood, but instead of tears, she closed her eyes again, then shouted, "FYE!" at the top of her lungs, then blew the rest of her breath at the candle.


    While reaching one little hand out lighting fast and pinching the top of the candle.


    I swear, if I hadn''t been watching, even to the extent that some of the Cadets had been paying more attention to incoming cake than to the girl of the hour, I might have missed it. The little bugger had some fast fuckin'' hands. Way faster than me or Saffron. I blame Marie, inasmuch as I ''blamed'' anyone for my daughter having hands to make a pickpocket weep.


    The candle out, Marie whipped a chef''s knife out of some pocket and proceeded to quarter the cake, dropping one quarter each in front of Saffron and I, putting another quarter in front of a menace who eyed the cake like she wanted to measure it with a micrometer just to make sure hers wasn''t smaller than anyone else''s. Then she took the last quarter and delicately sliced the icing off and spread it on Isnomi''s slice before nomming the cake itself in one big bite. Upon receiving double frosting, the menace dug in with gusto. I tried mine, and my eyes watered at how absolutely perfect they''d gotten it. Light and dark marbled cake, with the light a faint vanilla, and the dark a rich coffee flavor.


    It struck me just then that of all the things I''d straight up forgotten about Camden? Chocolate stood out as one that early on I thought I''d miss, but by now the only reason it came to mind was the dark part of the marbling being coffee flavored rather than chocolate.


    If I was a little more fastidious about licking my fingers clean and getting all the cake in my mouth rather than spread around my general face region, between her having double frosting and me having a bigger mouth, I was on track to finish my cake before the menace. She looked at me when I had like two bites left, and I swear to fuckin'' god her mouth split open in an absolutely too wide grin and she chucked the entire rest of her cake into her mouth all in one go. Then, while I stared with my last two bites of cake halfway into my mouth, she ran a tongue that did not belong in a one-year-old''s mouth over her entire face, disappearing the frosting and cake that had coated her with one big swipe. Then she looked pointedly at my last bites of cake and opened her mouth.


    Screw it, I was eating waffles at the same time. I pulled my cake out of my mouth without biting it and tossed it at her. She snapped it out of the air. "What do we say, Menace?"


    "Good Cake!"


    I gave her a look, as did Saffron. "What else, my girl?"


    "Tank you for cake, Mama! Tank you for cake, Mawa!" Then she hopped up onto her little table and, arms raised, shouted out, "Tank you for cake, Maynith!"


    As one, the Maids turned to her, curtsied, then went back about their business.


    Back at Lancaster House, Larry pushed his chair back and said, "thank you, gentlemen, and my thanks to the Ladies cooking." Then he turned to me and said, "Commander, might we adjourn to the map room?"


    I shrugged and stepped the five of us down there. One at a time, because I just didn''t feel like negotiating ''everyone holding hands'' when somebody in the middle of the group had no hand to hold. Fucking Dragon. When we arrived, Larry began pacing along the roads; it took two short steps to go from any given intersection to another. "The continued absence of my cousins leaves me far from sanguine. Lachlan?"


    "What do you need, Buddy?"


    "Are you feeling up to running up the north road, then making it to the farms to the east and west of there?"


    Lachlan paused a moment in thought, or whatever passed for thought in Lachlan-land, then said, "I think so, but I don''t think I can make it further than that before tonight."


    "Commander, can we pick him up if he''s at a known location?"


    I shrugged. "Sure."


    He turned to Lachlan. "I need your opinion, brother. Would our cousins be likely to return from the west or the east if they do not come from the south?"


    Lachlan tilted his head, then shook it. "The river gets kinda rough to the east. If they''ve got to veer, they''re gonna veer west."


    Larry nodded. "So be it. I''ll want you to head north, then west, then south, paying special attention to the edges of the roadways."


    "They''ll probably be trying to avoid leaving tracks, Buddy."


    "I''m aware of that, brother, but my hope is that if Calverton forces are in hot pursuit of them, if nothing else we''ll notice the Calverton tracks."


    Raven looked up. "what should the two of us do?"


    Larry looked at the cousins and after a moment nodded at the piles of apples and yams and said, "if you could work together to create a plan to bring all of the farmsteads into the Wings, as well as updating the map with whatever information we''ve given you regarding survivors at each location, that would be very useful."


    They both nodded. Neither of them was really what you''d call military minded, but they both had family background and experience with the logistical end of things. I kinda wondered why either of them had joined the Academy. Other than, y''know, the whole instant wealth and power upon graduation. Pretty solid reason there, even if Raven would rather be drawing and Bonnie... I have no idea what she''d rather be doing, but sure as shit she''d rather be doing it with both hands.


    Larry looked at me and said, "if you would, Commander, the eastern farmstead awaits us." I shrugged, put a hand on his shoulder, and stepped us there. We ran south.


    Back at the Academy, we''d been making much over Isnomi, including folks from other tables getting into the ''throw cake at Isnomi'' act. Given that these were all Cadets, all the cake made it to her general vicinity, and she had a ball catching each one, downing it in a gulp, then hollering, "Tank you! Ta dah!"


    Of course, while I tried to make sure that I stayed in position to catch her if one of her diving cake chomps sent her over the edge of the table, Saffron thought to me, you look a little overwhelmed.


    It''s my first time throwing a birthday party for somebody.


    Really? I thought you had a sister?


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    Older sister. I was the baby. So I want it all to go right.


    Poor Goof. So overwhelmed. Your poor Goof brain struggling to keep everything just so.


    I sighed, is it that obvious?


    Oh, no. But I think this will make it so.


    Then my magnificent bitch of a wife started replaying the bits of last night I''d missed. Full spectrum, right into my overloaded brain. Hell of a thing to juggle on top of running on sometimes slick road and trying to be sure I''d catch Isnomi if she fell. Not that she''d hurt herself. She''d probably eat the floor or something.


    Saffron just smirked at me and mouthed the words, ''that makes it even better''.


    Then, and here I knew Saffron had planned it because she was the only one in the Dining Hall who didn''t have all their alarm bells go off at once, Conrad stepped through the doors. As the Cadets looked around like they''d just felt a cold breeze to the nethers, and every eye at the high table tracked him, he walked over to Isnomi and said, "Happy Birthday, sister dearest. I''ve a surprise or two for you."


    For her part, the little menace just looked at both his hands, then met his gaze and asked, "whewe?"


    He held out one perfectly manicured hand, which meant his original issue one, not the replacement, and said, "if you come with me, I''ll show you."


    Of course she, with a complete lack of the vaguely paranoid rigidity of the Marshall, leapt off the table and landed at his side, one hand grabbing his. I realized right then that for all his presence and uncanny valley posing, he was actually a little shorter than me. Weird thing to notice. Definitely a sign my brain was nearing complete overload.


    As I stepped to follow them, Saffron took my hand and walked beside me, completely unbothered by the incredibly distracting sensory input she kept sending to me. As we followed, she whispered up to me. "If you can manage it, I need... some help with a few things back in our room."


    Okay. Just a second Co-Location. Three of me total. Nothing to worry about, two of them just had to follow along and not faceplant. With the third alone in our cell with Saffron. With my next step, I split myself again and found myself staring down at a wickedly Grinning Saffron. I moved toward her, but she stopped me with one finger on my lips. "We''ve got to hurry."


    "Okay, fair, so why are you stopping me again?" I reached for my jacket buttons, and she grabbed my hand and laughed as she said, "we''ve got to get all this," she waved her hand like she meant everything in the room. "In there," she waved a hand to the armoire, where the door to The Smith''s workshop stood open. "Before lunchtime."


    "You put those images in my head, which are still there and thank you very much for that, then you bring me here alone in a room with you for me to move furniture?" Those last two words came out in a tortured whine, and her Grin got even bigger, both in the room and where she dangled from my arm as we followed Conrad and Isnomi up the steps.


    "Not the furniture. Just everything else."


    "Oh, yeah, that''s way better." At the same time, I started yoinking every loose item I could and tossing them into the Workshop. I turned to see her pulling her jacket off and throwing it through the door, followed by her shirt, leaving her with nothing above the waist except for her shift. I just looked at her, arms full of blankets, and whimpered.


    She shook her head, grabbed up a double armload of uniforms and yeeted them through the doorway. "What? I''m going to get sweaty." I whimpered again, and again with the singsong she trilled, "that makes it even better."


    "The payoff for this better fuckin'' be worth it." I muttered as I tossed the double armload of blankets through the door.


    She grabbed me by my collar, towed me down to her eye level, freezing me in place with a finger on my lips, which she ran across them as she whispered, "have I ever disappointed you?"


    "Life likes to fuck with me." I growled.


    The Grin had to be some kind of superpower. Hell, she probably had a Grinning skill by now. "So do I," she whispered before going back to her singsong of, "that makes it even better!"


    I may have been less than gentle with the remainder of our assorted stuff. Okay, I set Vulcan''s case and Mister Kraken atop Isnomi''s toddler bed and carried both carefully through the doorway and set them down gently inside the Workshop, since the menace didn''t deserve to have her special day ruined at the end by lack of a bed. Aforementioned lack of gentleness was in part due to me trying to do three different things at once, and that''s not to mention the fourth thing of trying to ignore the absolutely non-ignorable sensory feed Saffron kept looping through my brain.


    Slippery road? Okay, I can deal. DuBois over-training for the win. Beast of many fluffy burdens? More sweaty and annoying than anything, although I just pulled my jacket off, since as usual I had nothing under my shirt. Okay, after thinking about that I stripped out of my shirt, too, because if I had to deal with sensory overload loop, she could deal with the girls getting some time in the air. As well as getting a little sweaty what with all the warm stuff we were moving.


    Watching as Conrad, The-fucking-Smith of legend, sociopathic Mor Primordial of Scaring the Living Fuck out of Everyone, led Isnomi out onto the roof? Yeah, that had everything that could tighten up tightening. Painfully. What the fuck are we doing up here?


    I have no idea, other than this is where his gift to her... is... Oh, sweet Goddess we will never get her back inside.


    I''d been looking down at Saffron, and now I followed her gaze. I didn''t really need to, as the menace had let out a squeal so loud and piercing that I think I heard it down in our goddamned soundproofed cell and scampered ahead of her ''brother''. Fuck it, he really didn''t deserve scare quotes after this. A Mana Blade enema long enough to adjust his crown chakra? Maybe. But a good brother knows exactly what his sister wants. She got to it first, and fumbled with the buckles until he caught up to her and carefully, patiently showed her how to buckle herself in.


    To a fucking hang glider.


    To be as fair as possible to him, he held her back long enough to talk her through how to handle the thing. Meanwhile she gave him the most ''I got this'' look I have ever seen on another being; living, dead, real or imaginary. Eventually he said, "are you ready?"


    I am not fucking ready in the slightest.


    You know he won''t put her in danger, Goof.


    You say that like you almost believe it.


    Of course I do. Could I spare the attention to keep that going if I didn''t?


    A hysterical little laugh slipped out of all of me. Lancaster looked over, but I just waved him on and kept running. Conrad looked at me and smiled that creepy too-big smile, which was nothing next to the absolute maniacal grin on the menace''s face as she screamed out, "weddy!" He stepped back and pulled away a tie down, at which point she charged for the edge of the roof and leapt off without the slightest hesitation, screaming "FYE!" as she did. She dropped a couple feet as Saffron and I rushed after, then caught an updraft from the Practice Yard and soared up into the sky.


    Uh, Boss?


    Yes, Tabitha?


    Could you maybe keep an eye on Isnomi today?


    It was my understanding that you were attending her birthday party today?


    I am. We are. I meant scrying. Or something. Conrad gave her a goddamned hang glider.


    "This we absolutely must..." Lyman trailed off as Sigyn grabbed his arm with a lot more intensity than Saffron held onto mine. For her part, Isnomi had caught the updraft and rode it right up into those glimmers that ran above the Academy. The moment she dipped into them, the glider itself fluoresced, and Isnomi''s voice echoed oddly as she screamed out, "FYE!" exultantly.


    After the first few minutes of pants-wetting terror as the menace soared upward until she was barely a speck in the sky, she dove back down like a stooping hawk, only to pull up right as she hit the ley line, whooping with joy the whole time, screaming, "MA! MAMA! I FYE! I! FYE!" as she raced over our heads. Just out of reach. Of course. Does it make me a bad mom that at that point my brain just shut down and lost itself in Saffron''s apparently unconscious repetition of the previous night''s solo activities? I mean I still walked over to Conrad, Saffron in tow, and said, "Son?"


    "Yes, Mother?"


    "Please tell me that she''s perfectly safe."


    "She is as safe as I can possibly make her, Mother."


    "Thank you, Son. That is a very... thoughtful gift."


    He smiled at me, just a bit too wide and toothy as always. "Thank you, Mother. I so hoped she''d like it."


    Down in the room, Saffron and I managed to get everything but the few items of furniture that had come with the room separated from the walls, floor, and furniture where we''d bonded things, and stuffed it all through the doorway into the Workshop. Our final load held our custom altar shelves and all their contents, including Glowing Midnight and The Dress. I stood there, sweat dripping despite my lack of upper body attire, with Saffron grinning at me and saying, no singsong this time, "oh, that definitely makes it even better," as she slid the door shut.


    Up on the roof, she looked at Conrad and said, "son, we''re ready."


    He looked at her and smiled, just as creepy as ever, yet this smile seemed much more natural, as if he weren''t doing it on purpose. "Of course."


    Whatever part of me could just barely see the ley lines above our heads? Heard a weird rhythmic scraping sound, like someone grinding the universe''s own gears. Standing in the Workshop, the sound surrounded us, suffused us, rattled something deeper than our bones.


    Then it stopped, and Saffron slid the door open. Natural daylight shone in through the window in front of us, and more filtered in through the door to our left. Saffron grabbed up an armload of padding and bedding and said, "come on, we''ve got to get everything set up before dinner is over!"


    I stepped through the door, still holding all our shrine stuff, into one of the two-room upper-floor Academy suites. "Really?" I asked, maybe a touch of wonder in my voice.


    "It turns out that Headmaster Miles feels the prestige of housing the Imperator of the Inter-City Council, two High Priestesses, and two Champions is worth the cost of one of the nicer suites." As she tossed our bedding onto the clearly double sized bed, she didn''t even need the words as she hummed the tune of ''that makes it even better''.


    You think my very own Magnificent Bitch of a wife slowed down her abuse of my poor overloaded brain in the slightest? You must be thinking of someone with mercy, or some other undesirable traits.


    So while one of me ran along behind Larry, scanning the snowbanks on both sides for any signs of disturbance, and another watched our little daredevil zooming around the sky, a third me tried to match Conrad''s matchless work in setting our stuff up in our new rooms. We actually wound up moving furniture; the armoire, the desk, and our shrine went in the inner room with Isnomi''s toddler bed, and our bed came out into the outer room. Marie''s floor bed went right in the middle of the inner room, since there wasn''t room for it and our double bed in the same room. Of course, we now had room for a certain Maenad in our bed along with the two of us, so it worked out; she could sleep in whichever spot she felt the need for as she liked. If somebody needed to get to Isnomi so badly they tried to get to her at night, they could fucking come through all four of us. Five if Vulcan got involved from where he sat in his case next to Isnomi''s bed.


    And yes, the armoire with its door to The Smith''s Workshop stood right next to the connecting door, with Isnomi''s bed as far as possible from any entrances to the room. I don''t care that she fuckin'' taunts gravity itself to fuck with her, the Equinox left me with a deep and abiding need to keep her safe. At least while she slept.


    Of course, duBois still had classes in the Practice Yard, but by midway through the morning, he''d mostly given up on them doing anything except running laps while staring upward at the shrieking maniac flying overhead every few minutes.


    Eventually she glided down to where we stood, face flushed, and swung herself up into a stall about three feet above my head. I thanked all those sessions of squadball for the reactions that let me catch a bigger, but relatively slow moving projectile. A gust of wind tugged at me, but wasn''t enough to pull all three of us around, since Saffron''s arms had locked around my waist when Isnomi first went up, and hadn''t let go since. As we held her steady, Lyman stepped up and undid her buckles and straps. Sigyn grabbed the glider itself by the handle, and I think the wind decided it had better things to do and fucked off to Lancaster House for the day.


    Where, by the way, we''d found a couple trails on the eastern side of the road, that continued onto the western side, but Lancaster said all the tracks were deer. Fuck if I know. Deer goes ''sizzle''.


    Despite being decoupled from it, Isnomi refused to let go of her glider, even as she had one hand around my neck. Marie came out onto the roof and announced, "Party."


    I looked at her. "This morning wasn''t a party?"


    She just shrugged. I looked at Isnomi and said, "Okay, Menace. Ground rules for your new toy." I waved my hand around at the bunch of us standing on the roof. "If you don''t have at least one of us with you, no glider." When she looked mulish, I said, "every flier needs a ground crew. You need someone to help you buckle in and catch you when you land. The people on the roof here?" I waved my hand around again, and she nodded. "I trust them to keep you safe. Nobody else. Got it?"


    Before she could reply, a hand touched my arm. I glanced over to see Conrad, his smile gone, his eyes wide. "Truly?"


    I rolled my eyes and sighed. "Yes, son. Truly, I do."


    Isnomi, for her part, seemed mollified that whoever she conned into it would be her ground crew, there to help her with her aerial shenanigans, not prevent them. "Okay then. Mom and Mommy and Conrad will put this away in our room, then we''ll join you for the Party," I looked at Marie as I said, "down in the Dining Hall?"


    Marie just nodded and held out her hands. I passed her the menace, and she headed for the door to the stairs. When they''d gone through the door, Sigyn let out the world''s biggest sigh of relief and said, "that is, by far, the strangest thing I have ever done in pursuit of Victory. Also the most frightening. Also, also, you realize she will now ask the two of us to take her flying?"


    I shrugged. "I meant it. I can''t see either of you doing any less for her than we would." I winced, a little embarrassed. "Sorry I didn''t ask first."


    She walked over and pulled us both close. "Think nothing of it. You are, as noted, family. And as you have said, family does for family."


    We shared a long hug of mutual relief, which ended with Conrad coughing politely and saying, "would the four of you like to review how to buckle her in, as well as how to store it safely?"


    I swear, my wife is a sadist of the highest order. Because she fuckin'' quizzed me about that shit until I got it right. I''ll let you guess whether she ever let up on the fucking sensory loop in my head. Which, by the way, never quite got to the good part. Because she is, as noted, sadistic.


    The two of us carried the hang glider down one floor to our new rooms while Lyman and Sigyn followed Conrad down the steps toward the Dining Hall. When we got to the room, both of me wound up having to hang the thing from a pair of hooks that somebody''d conveniently put in the ceiling. Before I could confirm that she had, indeed, planned this whole thing, the Saffrons in the room with me switched mes. Then both of them wandered over to the shirtless me and rubbed themselves against me. "I could just eat you up, Goofball."


    "Hey, I ain''t stoppin'' you. We''re pretty much done here. I figure at least two of us ought to get down to make sure that our daughter doesn''t wind up with her first morning after hangover tomorrow."


    "Hmm... good point." With that, the pair of her dragged topless me into the front room and tossed me onto the bed, then dragged fully dressed me out the door.


    Gotta say, Larry was a good sport about me running on automatic all day. I spotted a few game trails broken through the snow that he didn''t. Or, I called them out to him and he confirmed they were game trails. He might have seen them and just ignored them. Then again, when he asked me to jump to a new farmstead, we jumped, which is all he really needed me along for. Note to self: treasure competent subordinates only slightly less than sadistic wifey, because they mean more time focused on aforementioned sadist.


    Also, while I had that sensory overload track looping in my head, aforementioned sadist sat me down in our chair and made me sit there watching while she confirmed the bed was, indeed, in all ways nicer than our old one. Which meant I totally missed the unmistakable additions to the high table. Specifically, D and Herbert showed up. We got to the Dining Hall near what should have been the end of lunch, but while the Headmaster had proved himself to be capable of staring down a God when justice was on the line, he apparently had far less interest in convincing D that the party started at noon and ended at sunset.


    I''d forgotten that Phileo had been functionally back to something like normal for a couple weeks now. I''d also forgotten that while D agreed that hard drinks were inappropriate for one year olds whether it was their birthday or not, both D and Herbert thought of beer as a ''soft drink''. Fortunately Conrad managed to produce an Isnomi-scale stein, which held about a sippy cup of whatever went into it. Which, over the course of the following hours, included no more than one quarter-sized serving of beer. After tasting it, she glared at D like he''d tried to pull a trick on her. I''d had the stuff he gave her. Hoppy, nutty, pretty good beer. Still beer, and still way too bitter for any kid of any size. Which meant it wasn''t my thing either.


    Thing is? She glared at him, picked up her stein, and downed the whole thing in one long pull, then belched at him loud enough to silence the party for a three count until everyone, D included, broke down laughing.


    The one glass of wine she got? She liked much better. I tried it, and frankly it tasted like grape juice. Concord grape, with that really wicked sourness to it, but other than the pucker factor from that? Really tasty.


    Mini-Menace only got one cup of that, though. Of course, after eating for like four hours straight, with two mini-cups of lightly alcoholic snooze juice in her, our little one could barely keep her head up. After thanking D and the Maenads for the party, Saffron, Marie and I scooped up the woman of the hour, waved our good byes to the party goers, who would no doubt keep going until they all collapsed from exhaustion, since this was apparently the first time D had all of his Maenads back at a revel again, and stepped back to our bedroom.


    Well, Isnomi''s bedroom. Since this was the one with her bed in it now. She looked up at the glider with a sleepy smile, then peered around the room muzzily. "New?"


    "New!" Saffron confirmed, taking her from me and laying her down in her toddler bed with Mister Kraken, gently teasing her jacket, slacks, and boots off. Meanwhile Marie looked at me, a weird kind of longing in her face.


    "You want to party with D tonight?"


    "Yes?"


    I pulled her into a hug, which led into a kiss, and when I stepped back from her, we stood in the Dining Hall within a long step of D himself. "You have fun, Marie. Come join us if you like, or stay here. No judgement, we love you either, both, whatever and whenever and wherever." She pulled me into another kiss, then spun about in a crouch as she positively stalked toward the big man. "Have fun, sweetie." I whispered, stepping back to Isnomi''s room as I did. I looked down at where she sprawled, Mister Kraken''s legs sticking out from under her head where she''d used him as a pillow.


    I discovered right around then that the Academy soundproofing did indeed cover our suite, and kept noises from each of our rooms in that room. I looked down at Saffron, an involuntary whine coming out of me. She looked over at the window, where the thinnest band of deep blue painted the top of the sky, even as stars showed up below that. "Tsk," she chided me. "I said today was a one year old''s birthday party, and there would be no fucking at a one year old''s birthday party."


    As I managed to step her back into our room at the same time as I stepped Larry, Lachlan, and I back to the fortifications outside Lancaster House from the western farmstead where we''d met up with him, all without screwing up and winding anybody up in the wrong place, all four of my eyes in Phileo looked at the her standing there smugging at me as badly as Vulcan had ever done, while pointing at the even smugger her on the bed.


    That''s when, in that same singsong that she''d been humming ''that makes it even better'' all fucking day long? Both of her sighed out, "the day here ends at sun-set."


    I have, on many occasions, mentioned that I am not always the sharpest knife in the drawer. A few crayons short of a sixty four pack. A few bricks short of a load.


    I, however, was quick enough on the uptake to catch on to her implication before she finished the word ''sunset''. As I tossed one of her back into the chair she''d left me in for the whole goddamned revel, both of me pounced on her, because I had vengeance to achieve, and nothing short of some kind of catastrophe was going to stay my hand. Hands. Mouths. Yeah, yeah, you get the picture, I''m sure.


    That''s when, as Larry, Lachlan, and I jogged onto the courtyard after a quick visual inspection of the fortifications, Raven stumbled out of the small door inset into the big one. One boot. No jacket. Blood running from a split lip. Shirt torn.


    "MOTHER!" One lungful of air wasn''t enough for the frustrated rage that burned in every fiber of my being. "FUCKER!"

 Day Two Hundred And Twenty-One

    Dear Diary,


    Why do motherfuckers insist on testing me? I am proud of how mature and self-controlled I have become, that it takes literal rape or murder to make me lose my shit, and even then I have reached a point where I can, hopefully, deliver pinpoint righteous retribution. By proxy, even, if that''s the right thing to do. But... Fates? Norns? Whoever else is pulling this shit? If you don''t stop it, I will find you and explain things in short, painful sentences even you can''t fail to understand.


    So my pleasant evening follow up to what really was a fun day spent with the family? Cut short by seeing Raven stumble out of the door to Lancaster House in bad shape. Before anybody crawls up my ass about it, it was not the interruption itself that shoved a bug up my ass. That came purely from seeing Raven''s condition after waiting so long for the other shoe to drop. Spoiling my enjoyment of my kid''s birthday party and the parental continuation of same? That just covered the aforementioned bug in hot sauce for extra damage.


    The moment I saw her, even while screaming out, "MOTHER! FUCKER!", I grabbed Lachlan and Larry by the shoulders and stepped us right up to her, pulling the two of me in Phileo back to me as I did. She collapsed, Lachlan barely managing to catch her before her head hit the pavers. Her split lip had swollen, and the entire side of her head from her forehead hairline to the bottom of her jaw showed signs of purpling already. Without waiting for an Assess Health, I slapped a Heal Injury into her. The purple faded away and her split lip sealed itself as something approaching coherence swam back into her eyes. She grabbed at my coat pulling me to her as she said, "Commander! Bonnie! They''ve, they..." she stuttered to a stop, horror filling her eyes.


    I looked at Lachlan, said, "watch over her," grabbed Larry''s shoulder and stepped to the Map room. It stood empty, but Bonnie''s carefully placed markers had been kicked around, a few of the apples stomped flat into the ground. My hand never left Larry''s shoulder; we stepped to the door of Bonnie''s room. The lights had been shut down, and with the absence of windows in most of Lancaster House, that left the room in darkness broken only by a few coals in the fireplace. I scanned the room in wireframe as Larry, familiar with the layouts of the rooms in his own house, stepped over to the nearest lamp and slid it open. A couple chairs lay on the floor, one broken, a small bloody smudge next to it. A discarded Cadet''s uniform boot lay next to it. Raven''s boot, I guessed. I hoped.


    The suites the Cadets shared had two rooms, unlike the four in the rooms I''d shared with Saffron, Marie, and Isnomi. The thought of that broken chair, that bloody smudge, juxtaposed with thoughts of Isnomi? Lit something deep inside me aflame. Not the kind of fire I''d felt on the Equinox, either. I''d felt this before, in the moment that chunk of rock slammed down. I''d felt it, and thousands of people whose only crime had been living in a City ruled by empowered assholes died because of it. I wouldn''t feel guilty. Saffron had told me not to. I''d done what I''d done on the field of battle, against soldiers of an enemy who''d just betrayed our trust. Even if, at the time, I did not care.


    Walking as if in a nightmare, I strode toward the back room of the suite, the bedroom. Larry trailed behind me, examining the smudge of blood, putting the chairs back upright, picking the boot off the floor. I looked into the bedroom and even in wireframe horror assaulted me. I couldn''t take it all in at once; red rage blinded me after every glimpse. Her arms twisted until her elbows met behind her back. Her forearms too short, bound together with ragged strips of linen. Another strip connecting those to the footboard. A single cord, a noose around her neck. The end of that noose tied to her wrists. Her back forced into an unnatural arch. Her knees bent, somehow wrong. Her calves bound to her thighs.


    Detritus scattered across the floor, little oddly shaped stones.


    Absolute stillness, despite the rage I felt flooding through me.


    Larry slid the lamp nearest the door open, and the urge to vomit fought with the urge to scream fought with the urge to purge this room, this building, this land with fire and darkness, to scour it to bedrock and start over.


    Teeth. There were teeth scattered across the floor.


    I stumbled toward her, fighting every step against the urge to end it. All of it. The world where this kind of thing could happen? Did not deserve to exist.


    Larry beat me there, his jacket covering her, yanking the linen tying her back hard enough to shatter the wood of the footboard. Twisting the cord of the noose with his bare hands until it snapped. One hand, trembling, pushing her lids down over her staring, vacant eyes.


    I hadn''t heard Alistair come in, but I recognized his voice. "Apologies, cousin. We seem to have broken your play..."


    Darkness and silence flickered.


    I turned, teetering on the edge of Apocalypse. Larry stood two steps beyond the doorway, just beyond where Alistair leaned against the jamb. Alistair''s mouth worked, but no sound came out; his eyebrows rose the faintest bit in surprise.


    Then his body slumped to the floor, his head rolling away.


    A voice had been speaking in my head from the moment I stepped into the room. Screaming. Whispering. Praying.


    Beloved Goddess. It is your power and privilege and right. But I beg you. Please. Do not. An image of our daughter, looking up at her mother with terror lurking behind her eyes.


    That image twisted the fire inside me, turned it back so it burned me. I hate you.


    As is your right, Goddess. End me, if you wish. But please. Not her.


    Something that could have been mistaken for a smile crawled across my face. She didn''t know. She couldn''t know. Isnomi had no fear for herself. None at all. At world''s end she would surf the currents of destruction gleefully.


    But her mother would not survive that. And that terrified her. Terrified my daughter, the first and only thing to do so.


    I''d done that.


    Not you. Not her. Not everything. Not now. Not ever. I would rather end myself than you, love.


    When you finish, return to us. Please.


    As I sent her wordless affirmation, I walked over to where Alistair''s head lay on the floor, eyes still blinking in confusion. I poked him around with my toe until we could see each other clearly. "I''ve read that it takes like six minutes for a brain to run out of oxygen. So I really hope you feel this." I raised my foot, brought my bootheel down on his face. Again, and again, and again, until I felt the floorboards beneath my boot.


    The entire time the part of me that saw the faint glimmer of ley lines, that heard The Smith''s Workshop shifting? Heard the agonized screaming of a soul being rent asunder and fed to the Boon I''d gifted to the one who called me Patron.


    The rage in me gloried in that sound. Found comfort in it. It burned no less hot, but for the moment I had control of it, rather than the other way around.


    I walked over to Larry. He hadn''t moved since he''d cut Alistair''s fucking head off. His whole body trembled with barely controlled rage. It called to the barely suppressed rage in me. I stepped around in front of him; he''d squeezed his eyes closed, and his mouth worked in unsaid words. One word, rather, choked out silently. Over and over. I saw him teetering on the edge I''d leapt over during the Battle, and echoes of guilt pushed me, made me realize what I needed to do.


    "Laurence Lancaster." His eyes snapped open, and desolation stared at me. "I ask you, as your Patron. Would you have Justice, or Vengeance?"


    Rage, barely chained, lit the desolation in his eyes. "You would force me to choose Justice?"


    I shook my head. "Say the word, and the rest will envy him."


    "Who else?"


    "All of them. Any of them. Name them. Tell me, and they will beg for the merciful destruction of their souls."


    "Anyone?"


    "Anyone."


    He closed his eyes. Inhaled, then blew that breath out through his nose. "She believed in me."


    I nodded. "And?"


    "She believed I could do better. Be. Better."


    I nodded again. "And?"


    "I will. Be. Better."


    I nodded one final time. "Choose."


    He opened his eyes, and the fiery desolation in them had frozen over. "I choose Justice."


    I stepped past him into the room. I stepped over to horror imperfectly covered by a jacket as red as the blood that soaked the bedding. Inhaled, deeply. Stepped back to Alistair''s body, kicked it up to grab his jacket and smell him just as deeply. "More than just him." Lancaster didn''t ask, just nodded. "Follow."


    I stalked from the room, following the intertwined scents of blood and body odor. He followed. By the time we made it halfway up the steps to what I''d so blithely referred to as the ''old boys club'', we heard them laughing. He stepped around me, and I put a hand on his arm. He stopped. "I will confirm which, if any. I am with you, Laurence Lancaster, and you will have your Justice."


    He nodded without speaking, then headed up the steps. I leaned on my Blend as I walked up the steps, until by the time I reached the top of the steps I was the echo of a nightmare. As he strode across the room to stand before the fireplace, seven sets of eyes tracked him, the sublimely confident eyes of a pride of young lions lounging in their den, utterly unafraid of the hyena that had dared trespass. He turned to face them, and his voice carried across the room.


    "Heroes Lancaster. I have come seeking Justice for the rape and murder of Phileo City Heroic Academy Freshman Cadet Bonita Obol."


    One of them, not Charlie, lazily called out, "how can she have been raped? She''s just a Bag."


    Even from across the room I could see the way fire lit Lancaster''s eyes for a moment before he replied. "I could respond that she is... was a Cadet, and this entitles her to Justice. But it has come to my attention that if Justice does not apply to everyone? It applies to no one."


    Another one, again not Charlie, laughed as he said, "oh, please, cousin. You sound like one of those Phileo blowhards. What next, will you stand on a street corner waving placards the Bag can''t read and the Dan won''t, protesting our treatment of our lessers as they deserve?"


    This time the fire didn''t flare. It froze even harder as he turned to face the cousin who had spoken. "No. I will discover the identities of those who performed this abomination, and I will execute them."


    Yet another not-Charlie cousin spoke up. "Oh, this should be rich. How will you ''discover our identities''?"


    Lancaster''s gaze should have made the asshole piss himself, but apparently the cousins were mostly just as stupid as Alistair had been. "Are you admitting your guilt in this matter?"


    "So what if I am? Sure, I took my turns teaching her her place. What are you..." Darkness and silence flickered. This time I watched in wireframe as Larry spun and, wrists twisting, quartered the head as it slumped off his cousin''s shoulders. A short, faint shriek echoed as if from far away.


    Charlie leapt to his feet, hands clear and ready to draw. "What right have you!" he screamed. "We are Heroes of Phileo City, and we are due a full Court Martial to Impeach us if you seek to impose some sad, stupid notion of ''Justice'' on us!"


    Larry didn''t move from where he stood, empty hilt in his hand, still crouched from the end of his swing. "Are you admitting your guilt in this matter?"


    "I did not say that! I asked by what right you would stand in judgement over us, Heroes of Phileo City?" His hand hovered over the hilt of his sword. The rest of the young lions, realizing far too late that this was no hyena, but something far faster and deadlier than any lion had ever faced, stood and laid hands on the hilts of their swords.


    Without moving, Larry smiled as he replied. "I am Heir to Lancaster House. In the absence of my father from the House, Justice both High and Low are mine to dispense as I see fit. As you so cavalierly implied, forgetting the corollary implication, Lancaster House has ever borne the yoke of Phileo''s due process lightly." He finally moved, looking up at Charlie as swords were drawn around the room. "And yet..."


    "And yet?" Charlie asked, his sword still sheathed.


    While his cousins demonstrated their abysmal understanding of who and what they faced, as well as proving their piss poor survival instincts in general, I''d drifted through the room, smelling each of them, confirming by scent that they had, every one, participated. The only other smells in that room belonged to Bonnie and Raven. I Co-Located a line of myself across the end of the room, just close enough to each other that I could clothesline anyone who tried to run past me. Then I lowered the Blend on my middle self enough to be heard and seen and called out, "Heir Lancaster, I confirm for you, all of the perpetrators are in this room, and all of your cousins in this room participated."


    "Thank you, Commander." if I hadn''t had a dozen sets of eyes watching, I might not have seen him move. He wove through the room, little more than a dark, silent blur. Where he passed, heads didn''t roll. They fell to the floor in pieces. Two of his cousins got their swords up to block his strikes, and it mattered as little as anything short of a Mana Shield. One even managed to slash him straight across his chest, and red leaked through his exposed shirt, gleaming on the exposed, severed chain in Larry''s jacket. He didn''t slow, didn''t bother to acknowledge the injury.


    I''d known since we first met the cousins that Charlie was the smart one. He''d never bothered to draw his sword. He sprinted for the stairs the moment Larry blurred into motion. He never saw the three of me that converged on him. Ignoring the tunnel vision and feedback whine, one of me hit his knees from the side, while another grabbed ankles from behind, and the third tackled him around the waist from the far side. The sight and sound of his knees bending sideways until his feet hit his fucking ass from the side? A priceless balm to the fury that still burned inside me. Nearly as beautiful as the scream when one of me grabbed each of his wrists, lifted, and another pair of me stomped his elbows sideways.


    Finally, as the last of the inaudible shrieks sounded through the room, I collected my Co-Located selves, reached down, and yanked Hero Charles Lancaster from the floor by his fucking hair.


    "Mercy! Mercy! Please! I beg you! Mercy!"


    The edge of Larry''s Dark Blade hovered an inch from Charlie''s eyes. "So. Charles who was Lancaster. Did you and your fellow criminals ever actually leave Lancaster House? Or did you lurk here hiding until my brother and I were both absent?"


    "You have no..." Charlie''s scream cut off as Larry''s blade slid incrementally closer. "Of course we did! We travelled to the west bridge, crossed and headed south and east, laying waste to their hovels as we did. We even destroyed a small unit that tried to stand against us at the walls of their reeking pit of a City!"


    Larry''s voice came out flatter than I''d ever heard it. "You attacked Calverton."


    "Yes! Yes! We showed them our strength, taught them their place!"


    "Taught. Them. Their. Place?"


    Charlie was the smartest of Larry''s cousins. Apparently not smart enough to stop digging when he found himself in a flooding hole. "Yes! Yes! It was easy! So many of them could barely stand from their filthy diseases! We killed those who could fight, and taught the rest of the bitches how to serve real men, real Lancasters!"


    Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.


    Larry took a deep breath, then let it out. His sword never wavered. "Cousin Charles?"


    "Yes, merciful cousin Laurence?"


    "I have decided. I had thought to have a High Priestess of Loki ensure that his daughter shoved your filthy soul in Niflhel''s deepest, darkest cesspit."


    Charlie tried to nod, mostly just waggling his shoulders a bit, because the only thing that held him upright was my grip on his hair. "But you''ve decided on mercy?"


    Lancaster nodded, once, slowly. "Yes. I will show mercy to Hel, because she has done nothing to deserve having to associate with you."


    Larry didn''t slice. He pressed the blade forward, slowly, as Charlie screamed and tried to break free. That pissed me off, so I popped a blade and sliced his arms off at the shoulders, and his legs at the waist. Larry reached out, grabbed him by the neck, and pushed his blade forward as slowly as I''d ever seen him move.


    The audible screaming ended about thirty seconds later, right about when Larry''s blade reached Charlie''s ears, and the weight of his body kind of ripped it away. The inaudible screaming went on for a while as I lowered what remained connected into Larry''s blade.


    A very little bit at a time.


    Eventually we stood there in silence. The bravest or stupidest butler in all of fucking Lancaster House broke that silence, clearing his throat where he stood at the top of the steps.


    Larry put his Blade away and straightened up, his back now ramrod straight. "If you would be so kind as to organize the cleanup of this filth, Oscar?"


    Oscar clicked his heels together, nodded quickly, but with a motion that pointed his eyes straight at the ground before coming back up, and said, "very good, sir. Pig slop, sir?"


    Larry shook his head. "I wouldn''t want that taste in the bacon. Tanning waste."


    Click, nod. "Very good, sir." Oscar looked a little uncertain. "Regarding the guest..."


    "The Commander and I will attend to that, personally. Have Master Lancaster and Cadet Aetos sent to me when they deem themselves ready."


    Click. Nod. "Very good, sir. I''ll be about it then?"


    At Larry''s nod, Oscar spun and trotted away down the steps, calling for mops and buckets.


    Larry turned to me, and the world exploded in sound and light. Blinking away reverse wireframe afterimages, I saw Larry turned to the source of the thunder and lightning. Eight statuesque women stood there, fancy armor with stupid boob plates shining, their hair poofed out with static. The one in the center of the formation opened her mouth, and the voice that boomed out rattled the furniture around on the floor. "MORTALS! WHERE ARE THE SOULS WE WERE SENT TO ESCORT TO VALHALLA?"


    I didn''t think. I Co-Located, pushed my Blend, threw my arms around her, Translocated to the empty easternmost farmstead on Lancaster lands, and made a living Iron Maiden of Mana Blades out of my body, all in the moment before her voice stopped echoing through the room.


    Her sisters blinked, like they knew someone had been standing between them a second before, but couldn''t remember who, or even if there had really been anyone there. I sauntered forward, quietly saying, "stand ready," as I passed Larry, smiling as seven pairs of glowing blue eyes fixated on a smudge of dark silence behind me. "Really? You''re here to take these shit tier assholes back to Valhalla?" As they stood there gaping at me, I laughed and called out, "Hey, Boss?"


    Loki''s voice echoed through every brain in the room, mortal or not. Yes, Tabitha Diaz?


    "Yeah, let Hel know she can stop worrying about the whole Ragnarok thing."


    Oh?


    The Valkyries had started to shake themselves free of their uneasiness about their numbers when I called out, "yeah, I just got a read on the warthogging vomitous masses Odin''s been gathering in Valhalla."


    "You dare?" one of the Valkyries hissed at me.


    "Oh, yeah, sorry, that was mean of me. Warthogs and Vomit don''t deserve to be compared to the shit Odin''s collecting."


    As Loki''s laughter filled the room, the Valkyrie who''d taken charge drew herself up and shouted, "WHO ARE YOU, WHO DARES CALL THE BACKBITER TO..."


    I disappeared her and left her remains in the empty farmstead''s pigpen. "I''m sorry, Ladies. I''ll introduce myself properly. I''m Phileo City Heroic Academy Cadet Tabitha Diaz, Commander of the Phileo Relief Expedition to Lancaster House."


    As everyone in the room listened to the sounds of snickering interspersed with a rustling paper bag, another Valkyrie sneered. "You Mortals and your ''institutions''." The bitch actually lifted her hands to make the scare quotes. "They mean nothing to us."


    "Oh. Okay then. I''m also Loki''s High Priestess. The chief one, not that it matters."


    Ah, incorrect, Tabitha. At my mental side-eye, he explained. Sarah Pesce. Marie''s mother.


    "Really?"


    It occurred to me that you''re rather busy, and someone ought be available to my growing Phileo City congregation.


    "Aw, shit. I''m sorry, Boss."


    Never fear. You''re still my favorite, Tabitha Diaz. I suspect you always shall be, no matter what.


    "YOU WILL STOP IGNORING..."


    Five Valkyries stared at me, blinking. I looked up at Mister Slither and asked, "hey, you feeling peckish?" At his nod I dropped the Valkyrie''s smoking remains and stepped back into myself. "I''m also Loki''s Champion."


    The Valkyrie in their center crouched, eyes locked on me as she said, "Sisters! Be on your guard! The Backbiter''s whore..."


    Conrad looked up at me and I asked, "hey son, can you salvage anything useful from this?"


    He stepped up and grabbed the corpse''s hair, a perfectly fake, yet still perfect expression of gratitude on his face as he exclaimed, "Mother! How thoughtful of you!" I stepped back into myself.


    The Valkyrie on the left end drew. Her body from the hips down hit the floor first, followed by her forearms, belly, and the bottom half of her tits, and finally her shoulders flopped to the floor in the shower of confetti that used to be her head.


    The three Valkyrie spun to face Larry, their swords coming out as they did. As he locked eyes with them, sword out in a simple long point stance, I dropped my Blend, Co-Located to just behind each of them, and said, "Boo!"


    They spun to face me, and I stepped backward to where I''d started, my Blend coming back up to normal as I did, my hands clasped behind me. Larry slid to a stop, looked at me, and with reproach clear in his voice said, "I wouldn''t have hit you, Commander."


    "Never thought you would. But I didn''t want that mess all over me." I nodded to where bits of Valkyrie were still landing in a messy pile.


    He put his Blade away, flicking it before doing so. Purely ceremonial; that Blade would never need cleaning. "Fair point. What gave you the idea of appearing as a dark Maenad?"


    I shrugged. "Figured they''d spend a moment looking, a moment registering what they were looking at, and a moment deciding what to do about it. More than long enough for you to take care of things."


    For the first time since we''d arrived, I saw something like a smile cross his face. Bleak, but still a smile. "Ah. I suppose it was. Thank you for your confidence in me, I suppose."


    "Hey, you handled seven Lancaster Heroes, I figured four Valkyrie would be a cakewalk if I gave you an opening."


    He snorted out something like a laugh, then got a curious look. "Why would they only send four for eight souls?"


    "No fuckin'' clue. Maybe they were looking to get double teamed?"


    He just rolled his eyes at me, shaking his head at my awful humor before remembering. His eyes slid closed, and tears leaked out. "Fuck. Sorry." I walked over, reached out and took his hand gently. "Come on."


    I led him down the steps as he sobbed. Lachlan met us as we reached the third floor, Raven in a princess carry with her arms around his neck helping support her. She looked at each of us, then asked Larry, "did you get her letter?"


    "Letter?"


    She hadn''t reached the point of crying yet. Rage still held sway behind her eyes, but she said, "yeah. She dictated most of it to me. Made me promise to tell you about it if..." fury and sorrow choked her to silence.


    I looked at Larry and said, "wait here." When he opened his mouth, I raised one finger and strode toward Raven and Bonnie''s suite. Once inside I checked the desk; some evidence she''d used it, but nothing like a letter. I looked everywhere I could think of until I finally got back to the sodden bed. Looking everywhere but at her, I saw a rectangular lump in one of the pillows. I reached in and pulled out a single envelope, sealed with wax and simply labelled, ''Laurence Lancaster''.


    I carried it out to Larry, who leaned against the balcony railing, head down, eyes closed, arms crossed across his chest. Somehow I got the idea from his posture that the only reason he hadn''t thrown himself over it was because he knew he''d survive. From the floor above I heard a string of blood curdling cursing in Spanish. Lachlan''s voice carried down, "Miss Raven, I don''t think you should..."


    "You! Be silent until I say otherwise!"


    "Yes, Ma''am."


    The strings of curses resumed, interspersed with the sound of one boot stomping and some suspiciously... liquid... sounds.


    I walked over to Larry, lay a hand on his shoulder, and said, "I found it."


    He opened his eyes, and where before I''d seen fire and ice, only desolation remained. He took the envelope from my hands then stood there holding it. After a bit he whispered, "I... if I don''t open it, it''s like she''s still going to tell me something. Like she''s not gone."


    I took a deep breath and channeled my best Mom voice. "Laurence. Open it. Read it. Now."


    He looked up at me, tears streaming freely, curses dying on his tongue as he looked at me and realized I wasn''t asking. With an angry twist of his wrists he snapped the wax seal, snatching the pieces that flew off out of the air and stuffing them into his jacket pocket with the envelope. Eyes watering, he silently read the letter. It took him longer than I thought it ought, but then it seemed every line he had to stop and clear his eyes. When he shuffled to the second page of the letter he froze.


    "What did she say?"


    Without taking his eyes from the second page, he wordlessly handed me the first one. It took me a moment, because the first few lines were written in childish, almost illegible block letters.


    DEAR LARRY,


    I DIED. KNEW I WOULD. RAVEN WRITES FOR ME.


    The rest of the letter was written in beautiful cursive, almost calligraphy.


    Beloved Laurence, I beg you not to think me forward, much as I beg you not to blame yourself.


    I''ve known since long before I joined the Academy that, should I journey west of Phileo, I would meet an end like this.


    It''s funny, in a way. The source of our long animosity, that our family spent money on paying an Oracle to foresee a use for me, rather than pay her apprenticeship to a professional artist.


    They saw her talent, her shrewdness, her wicked mind and saw profit from all of them. I had nothing but a sweet voice, sweet face, sweet nature, an ill fit for a tannery.


    Like they do, the Oracle told only me, threatening dire consequences would befall my family and yours alike should I tell a single soul.


    A simple prophecy. So simple. So terrifying to a sweet natured child.


    The next few lines returned to the earlier block writing. Someone writing with their off hand. Because something had eaten their writing hand.


    ''SHOULD EVER YOU JOURNEY WEST OF PHILEO, YOUR LIFE AND MAIDENHEAD ARE FORFEIT FOR THE SALVATION OF LANCASTER HOUSE.''


    After that, the rest of the letter returned to Raven''s beautiful handwriting.


    I had Raven leave space there for me to share it with you should the worst befall me. Hopefully I can fit it all in writing with my left hand. Hopefully, now that the worst has come, the Fates will not dole out further pain on you or Raven.


    For a while, after the wyvern, I thought maybe, just maybe, that my fate wasn''t sealed, that I would surrender both my maidenhood and the rest of my life both to you, Laurence Lancaster.


    Know that I would have. Gladly, had you asked. Gleefully, like the silly, useless, pretty girl I am.


    Some tiny hopeful part of me still hopes that in defiance of Lancaster House Law and Custom you''ll ask me. If you do, if we do, if that really is my fate? I will burn this letter and gift you the picture behind it on the night you make me the happiest woman in the world and take me as your wife.


    But if you are reading this, I have pre-deceased you. Not in battle, even. In the most horrific way I can imagine.


    Know that I did so without fear. Pain, yes. Shame, probably. But never fear. Because for just one shining moment of basest degradation, I will not be a silly useless girl. I will be useful, at least to the one and only person who matters.


    I will die, debased, and so my soul will wander until I find myself in Hel.


    Because the salvation of your House? Will never be on the battlefield, where Lancaster after Lancaster has thrown themselves, clamoring for Valkyrie''s attention.


    I saw the pain you hid as we found farmstead after farmstead dead or dying. I saw you wanting to fight against their fate.


    I saw the moment you realized that you fought against something no sword could slay.


    I saw the moment you realized that you, not your beloved beautiful idiot brother, (I wonder where you learned a fondness for such), were the one who would fight it.


    Without weapons. Without Spells. Without the strength of your arms, though you will need that to remain Heir, I think.


    With the true legacy of your father. With your mind, finally cleared of the lies you told me your family told itself.


    You will fight it that way, because only then will you die in your bed.


    When that happens, know that I will come for you.


    Know that whatever happens, this silly, stupid, pretty girl loves you.


    And, in the fullness of time?


    I will see you in Hel.


    Your Bonnie Obol, forever and always.


    Carefully, trying not to ruin the letter, I stepped over to Larry''s side.


    Tears dripping from his chin, he stared at Raven''s finest drawing yet. She''d captured the smile I saw on Bonnie''s face whenever she looked at Larry and thought he wasn''t looking.


    I stepped up to him, lay a hand on his shoulder, and barely managed to catch the picture and keep it and the letter both safe as he collapsed, his face against my jacket as he clung to me and sobbed. I stood there, waiting, one arm around him, murmuring the kind of quiet bullshit you mutter to someone who''s too deep in grief to see anything else.


    Eventually the sobs subsided. I looked down at the top of his head and asked, "So. Was she right?"


    He pulled away, confusion and hurt in his eyes. I grabbed his wrist, wiped his hand clean on my jacket, then put Bonnie''s letter and picture back in it. "Wha... what?"


    I leaned forward the tiniest bit, to look directly in his eyes. "Was. She. Right."


    Hints of smoke rose from the desolation behind his eyes. "How... how dare you."


    I stepped forward, never breaking eye contact, until we stood almost nose to nose. "By her own admission she was a silly, stupid girl. Now that you''re using your head to think with instead of as a butt plug, we both know you''re more than capable of fooling one silly, stupid, crippled Cadet whose whole life had been fucked with by some bitch of an Oracle."


    Fury and confusion in equal amounts raged behind his eyes, but he didn''t back up another inch further. "How. Dare. You."


    "Because in case you forgot, I am your Patron." He opened his mouth to let out some furious retort, and I interrupted him with a barked, "Lancaster!" Before he could recover, I asked, "did I or did I not save your brother Lachlan?"


    Something other than confusion, pain, and rage flickered in amidst all those in his eyes. "You did, but..."


    "Lancaster! Did I or did I not give you Justice?"


    Confusion overcame pain and rage, and the tiniest blossom of the most terrifying emotion of all flickered to life in his eyes. Hope. "Yes?"


    "Now. As your Patron, who aided you before you declared for me, who gave you Justice not only against your cousins, but against the God and Demigoddesses who have supported them and their like for I don''t fucking know how many generations from this fucking fortress and palace, I ask you. Was. She. Right?"


    "About what?" he breathed out, his voice hoarse from screams and sobs.


    "Are you going to fix this shit show your family has inflicted on Lancaster House and everywhere they could spread their filth?"


    Hope flickered, and the same determination I''d seen in him when he looked at his brother''s Valkyrie, his cousins, and the Valkyries who came for them slid into his eyes. "For as long as I live. Should my Patron allow me to do so."


    "Allow you?" I barked out something superficially similar to a laugh. "I would straight up tell you to do it if I didn''t know you doing it for your own reasons would work better." I paused, then once again asked him. "Now, was she right?"


    Confusion again, but laced with tentative hope still. "About what?"


    "Would you have done so if you''d married her?"


    Finally something snapped inside him. "I''d fucking have to, wouldn''t I? Not like I''d be able to keep all this ''no wives'' bullshit going when Lord fucking Larry Lancaster got married, would I?"


    "And the rest? The oppression of the women, the Bag, anybody who isn''t a Lancaster?"


    He rolled his eyes. "Like she''d stay with me if I didn''t."


    I shook my head, never breaking eye contact. "Not good enough, Larry."


    He closed his eyes, sighed, and said, "you''re right. It''s wrong. All of it. I will fix it. I will fix it or die trying." He opened his eyes and, with a lopsided, hurting smile, said, "in my bed, of old age or illness or whatever the fuck eventually kills me." I barely heard his next words, and only because I still hadn''t gotten further from him than nose-to-nose. "Just to see her again. That alone would make it all worthwhile, even if it wasn''t right."


    I mirrored his smile back at him. "So you get it, knowing that you''d die a villain just to make her happy?"


    He sighed. "Yes. Yes, I would."


    "Now, final question. Was she right?"


    "About fucking what this time?"


    "Were you going to ask her?"


    He shook his head, glaring at me. "Yes. Yes, I was. Does that make you happy, knowing that I was about to throw everything I knew away to ask her for her hand in marriage?"


    "No. You know she endured something that leaves people broken."


    "So did Lachlan. You healed him. Are you telling me that you couldn''t heal her?" A bit of the Lancaster sneer found its way back into his voice. "Or that you wouldn''t?"


    I smiled at him and shook my head. "I absolutely would if I could. But I can''t. But maybe? Just maybe? If you can fly in the face of everything I know about Lancasters and be gentle, and kind, and patient? There''s the tiniest chance that you could." He stood there, holding his breath. "Would you? Would you do all that, and everything else, knowing that she might never be the silly, gentle girl you knew? Would you?"


    He deflated. "Yes. Yes, I would."


    "Even if she screamed every time you reached for her, and couldn''t bear to be alone in your company?"


    He started to bristle, then laughed. "If I can''t be patient with you, it''s not a good sign that I can be patient with her, isn''t it?"


    "But you just were. Nobody''s fucking perfect. But you do your best, and catch yourself when you''d slip and fall. And catch her when she can''t catch herself."


    "Yes, Diaz. I would. I would have. I... why are you even asking me all this? Yes, I loved her and love her and will spend the rest of my life hoping that at the end of it I''ll be worthy enough to have her love me back! If I could undo what they did, I would do it. If I could have her here in front of me right now, I would ask her, no matter what she thought of me after what my fucking cousins did to her! I would! If I could I would, gods damn it! But..."


    I clapped my hand over his mouth. "Lachlan! Raven! Down here, on the double!" When they thundered down the steps like we were under attack, I pointed at Larry. "Hold him here. Not one fucking word, Larry. You stand right there, don''t move, not one fucking word. Nod if you understand."


    He nodded.


    I spun about and marched into Raven and Bonnie''s outer room. I might have slammed the door behind me, because I was pissed off, but it wasn''t the same as my rage before. Before, I''d have shut the world off in an instant, because any world where that kind of thing could happen...


    Was a world. A world where people had the free will to be evil fucking bastards. I could change that, for certain. Just end the whole fucking thing. Everybody fucking dies.


    But maybe. Just maybe? I could do something better.


    Without looking, I lay a hand on Bonnie''s body. I carried it to Metaphoric Space, to the land of gods and myths and souls.


    I dropped my Blend. I reached out, or reached in, or whatever. I could kill every living thing in existence. I could break the fucking planet if I wanted to. I could do this.


    I glared at the bindings twisting her unnaturally. "Go." They evaporated, like they''d never been there.


    I focused on Bonnie''s body, laying a hand on the still not quite healed stump of her right arm. "Be Whole."


    Power seared through me, blackness whirling around Bonnie''s arm, her face, across her whole body.


    "Revive."


    Funny, the power that had wrecked my arm for months? Barely a flicker.


    Bonnie lunged upward, heaving a breath. I caught her before she could fall backward, slipped around behind her before she could really register who I was, and whispered in her ear. "Cadet Obol. Do you trust me?"


    She giggled a little. "Not with my lunch. Or with makeup. But anything else, sure."


    I pushed my Blend back up. "You''re braver and stronger than you know, you realize?"


    She shook her head. "Right now? Here? In the afterlife, where nothing else can hurt me? Not really? It''s easy to be brave."


    "Come with me." I turned and led her out of the shadowy bedroom into the misty front room, then to the doorway. Without turning to look at her, I said, "I won''t force you to go back. I could, mind you. I want to. But I won''t."


    She paused not a moment before asking, "is he there?"


    "Yes."


    "Is he hurt?"


    "Physically? Not at all as far as I can tell."


    "Does... does he still want me? After...?"


    I stepped us both to the far side of the door and back to the Mortal World at the same time.


    "Why don''t you ask?"

 Day Two Hundred And Twenty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    Sometimes I do something, because right there in that instant it seems like the Right Thing, but afterward I wind up beating myself up about it.


    I''m not sure which is worse; when I find out that it wasn''t the Right Thing, when the Right Thing has bad consequences, or when I haven''t done that Right Thing for everybody, just for people in my close circle or my line of sight. I''ve mentioned before I''ve been told I self-sabotage. Yeah, I think this is definitely one of those things, but... what if it''s not?


    So yesterday evening, right when everything was looking rosy for your girl Tabitha? The Cousins Lancaster finally turned up like, as my mom would say, a Bad Penny, did unspeakable things to poor Bonnie, after which Larry and I showed them the error of their ways. Permanently, as in ''go directly to non-existence, do not go to Valhalla, do not collect two hundred virgins''. Then we wound up having to do the same to an octet of Valkyries who came for their souls. Which we had, as noted, turned into so much cosmic dust.


    I may have also threatened to end existence. Just a little bit, until my wife talked me out of it, because she''s cool like that.


    So after all that, I decided that Bonnie deserved a lot fuckin'' better than what she got, so after a deep heart to heart where I made Larry say out loud what had been going on in his head for the past month or so, I put her back together and stood her up on her feet. Then made sure she was willing to give life another chance, because it would be super shitty to bring someone back to life only to have them commit suicide.


    Yeah, that was an absolutely PG-13 heartwarming moment. Bonnie and I popped back to the Mortal World right in front of Larry, whose mouth hung open where he''d been saying something to Lachlan and Raven. Whatever it was, our appearance cut him off immediately. He stood there, mouth hanging open, staring at Bonnie. She stood, hands clasped in front of her, her gaze flickering between his eyes and the ground at his feet. Finally, she managed to squeak out, "Larry...?"


    I jumped a little bit when he moved, because our boy Larry has got some quickness in him. One second he was leaning against the railing, arm slowly slipping as he stared at her, the next he stood in front of her, pressed against her, one hand on each of her cheeks, kissing her with the kind of passion I''d only ever seen in movies and shit.


    Okay, I''d experienced that kind of kiss. On the regular. With Saffron. Now and again with Marie, now that I thought about it.


    Right then, right there, in that moment? I knew I''d done the Right Thing. Felt good.


    Of course, a moment after that she got a little bit braver or a lot less scared, because she straight up pounced on him. Which, given that she was, like, normal woman sized to his slightly below average but duBois trained man sized, did little more than stagger him back into the railing as she locked her ankles behind him and her arms around his neck. Also, neither of them seemed to have a shortage of lung capacity, because by the time they came up for air Raven, Lachlan and I were looking at each other making ''how long are they gonna do that?'' kinda gestures. By the time they finally broke that lip lock and pulled their faces back to maybe six inches apart, he''d got his hands clasped under her. Fingers laced together for her to sit on. Such a gentleman. My hands would totally have been exploring the topography of Saffron''s ass by that point.


    At any rate, without ever breaking eye contact with Bonnie, he said, "ah, Commander?"


    "What you need, Larry?"


    "I''d like to request some leave time, if you can spare me for a bit?"


    I rolled my eyes. Trying to do better or not, our boy Larry still had that Lancaster rod and love of doing things By The Book. "How much time do you think you''re gonna need?"


    Bonnie leaned forward, whispered something to him, and laid her head on his shoulder. God, these two really were like the PG-13 version of me and Saffron. "I''ll let you know as soon as I know?"


    I laughed at that, and first Raven, then Lachlan joined in. Before Larry could get bent out of shape about it, I said, "you both take as long as you need, on one condition."


    He looked at me finally, although his eyes had that tendency to glaze that told me Bonnie had stopped just ''laying her head on his shoulder''. "Of course, Commander. What condition?"


    I smiled at him to let him know that while I was dead serious, I wasn''t going to be a bitch about things. "If anything requiring, y''know, ceremonies, or witnesses pops up? You let me know, get it?"


    He smiled at me, one of the first smiles I''d ever seen on his face that didn''t have anything nasty attached, not even self-recrimination or snark. "Yes, ma''am. By your leave, then?"


    "Go. Go, go, before she gets impatient and starts taking clothing off of the both of you right here!" Her head popped up at that, although whether to spout a denial or what I''ll never know, because midway through turning to face me Larry intercepted her, mouth first, and she forgot all about me. Larry then proved that despite his time away, he remembered his own house just fine, as he navigated his way to the stairs and up them without ever opening his eyes or taking his lips off hers.


    Once they''d gotten out of sight, I turned to the other two. "Lachlan?"


    "Yeah?"


    "I know you don''t report to me, but I''d appreciate it if you could help Raven out for the time being?"


    He shrugged, smiled down at Raven, and said, "sure!"


    She rolled her eyes and looked at me. I said, "Raven?"


    "Yeah, Commander?"


    I chuckled a little. "Not sure I like that or not, but cool. I''m gonna go get some rest, because the past hour or so has been just a little bit exhausting. Are you okay enough to take over here until then?"


    The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.


    She blinked a little at that. "Take over like...?"


    "Get this place back in some kind of order, get the plans for taking in refugees in place, get the troops here at Lancaster House manning the defenses in shifts, and dole out supplies or troops to the other six as needed. Can you handle that? Remember, you''ll have Lachlan to help if somebody needs to be sat on."


    With each thing I''d added to the list, her face got a little paler, her eyes a little wider. "Me? Why me?"


    "You remember what the chain of command is, right?"


    She shrugged. "Not really. We never had any classes on that yet."


    "It''s the chain you or Lachlan beats somebody with if they give you any shit, because until Larry or I are ready to think coherently? The buck stops with you. So, can I count on you?"


    Somewhere around me telling her to beat people with chains, one corner of her lips quirked up, and something other than deer in a headlights came into her eyes. She gave Lachlan the tiniest bit of side eye, then asked, "can I beat him if he gets out of line?"


    I shrugged. "Whatever you got to do to get the job done. Just no permanent damage, or it comes out of your pay." With that, I turned and stumbled back to my room, closed the door, and stepped back to Phileo.


    It took me a couple seconds to recognize the bare walls and plain furniture around me, at which point it took another panicked second to realize the reason. Then I remembered; we''d moved the day before. I stepped up to our new digs to find Saffron and Isnomi sitting on Isnomi''s toddler bed, with the menace stroking her mom''s hair as Saffron sat there with her elbows on her knees, her hands covering her face.


    "Hi, honey. I''m home from work." She looked up at me, emotions racing through her eyes faster than I could track. Before she could say anything, I said, "I''m sorry. I lost my temper and said something I shouldn''t have. Something that I didn''t mean." Before she could interrupt, I spoke over her and said, "I''m sorry, and I''ll try to do better in the future. But I understand if you..."


    She stood, Isnomi dangling from her shoulders, with the little one''s toes just touching the edge of her bed. "If I what?"


    I couldn''t look at her and say it. I had to look at her and say it. I closed my eyes for a second, took a deep breath, then opened them and looked right at her. "I understand if you don''t want to be around me. For now. For a while. Forever."


    She did much the same, closing her eyes, inhaling, then letting the air pour out in one long stream. She stepped toward me, opening her eyes and looking toward me. Isnomi balanced on tiptoes as she let go, then toppled forward to faceplant into the padded floor. I''d have been a lot more worried if I hadn''t seen her peek up to see if I''d noticed. Then Saffron eclipsed everything in my world. "I want to slap you. To punch you. To hurt you, both like you hurt me when you lashed out, and more for good measure." She stopped, sighed again, and said. "Did you mean to hurt me?"


    I closed my eyes. "In that moment? Yeah. I think so. I''m sorry."


    I stood there in silence and darkness, listening to her breathing. "Were you in pain?"


    I nodded. "Yeah."


    "Had someone hurt you?"


    I thought about that for a moment, my head tilting to the side and my eyes slipping open. "Yeah? Kinda? Indirectly?"


    "So you were hurt. Confused?"


    I shrugged. "Yes and no? I mean, at the time, everything seemed so crystal clear. So simple. But looking back? I was thinking about as straight as a fuckin'' corkscrew".


    "We''ll call that a yes, then. People who are confused don''t always know it. So you were hurt and confused. That''s when I spoke to you?"


    "Yeah."


    "And you lashed out at me, because you couldn''t lash out at the ones who hurt you?"


    I stopped, a crooked grin crawling across my face, my head shaking just a little. "I could have. I could have hurt them. But there would have been some collateral damage."


    She rolled her eyes, a different, but equally crooked grin twisting her lips. "Collateral? Like the entire world?"


    "Maybe a little more than that? But yeah."


    She walked up to me, straightened what remained of my uniform, then shook her head. "This is a complete loss, unless Marie has more stitch-witchery than we''ve seen just yet." She put her hands on my cheeks and tilted my gaze down until we stood there, eye to eye. "From now on, what do we do when we''re considering apocalypse as a solution to problems?"


    "Just say no?" Her hands tightened a little, and a twinkle lit in her eyes despite her frown. "Uh, talk to you first?"


    She smiled up at me. "Good girl."


    "Wait, wait, wait. Are you Momming me right now?"


    She glanced down for a moment. "Maybe a little."


    I snorted. "Guess I kinda needed it, but holy shit that makes some of the shit going through the back of my head even kinkier than it was previously. Possibly even pushing it into perverted."


    She shook her head, then turned back to pick Isnomi up. For her part the menace just yawned hugely. "My girl, you are supposed to be in bed right now. You''ve had a full day, and you need your sleep to grow."


    The little one''s eyes got really big, and she said, "sweep to gwow?"


    We both looked at her seriously, and Saffron nodded as she tucked her in. "Yes, Menace. You grow when you''re asleep." Isnomi took one look at me when she said it, then plopped her head on her pillow, closed her eyes, and started fake snoring immediately. Saffron chuckled, then stood and walked over to me quietly, pretending like the little one had actually gone to sleep. After she''d pulled me into the outer room and closed the door, she looked up at me and said, "so. I forgive you completely on one condition."


    I looked down at her, wanting to be all smooth and snarky, but my heart wasn''t in it. I wanted her forgiveness more than air. "Name it."


    "Before someone so rudely interrupted us," her brows drew down and she muttered, "for which I intend to express to them my displeasure..."


    "Uh, about that?"


    She looked up, a smile lurking behind her eyes. "Whatever did you do now?" she singsonged.


    I put on my best naughty little girl voice and said, "I might have killed them and destroyed their souls." Her mouth dropped open. "Slowly." It snapped shut again, her smile growing. "And kinda did the same to their psychopomps."


    I could feel her shivering in my arms, and it didn''t really seem like the ''I''m scared'' kind of shaking. Then she looked up at me and said, "I was going to say that I wanted you to show me what you intended when we were interrupted, but..."


    I gave her my best puppy dog eyes and half whimpered, "but?"


    The next moment my arms were empty; as I half-panicked looking around the room, I saw one of her slouching in the chair, facing the bed, where another of her lay, half covered by sheets and abso-fucking-lutely nothing else. As the sight of that latter completely drew in every bit of my attention, the her on the chair sing-songed, "that makes it even wetter."


    Yeah, I got some really useful Co-Location practice overnight. Sleep? You can''t Co-Locate while you''re sleeping.


    We spent most of the following day getting more Co-Location practice. One pair of us sat on the roof, cheering Isnomi on as she flew around on her hang glider. Another sat around in the living room in our suite at Lancaster House canoodling and answering questions when Raven needed a judgement call on something. The third pair? Yeah, we were back at the Academy in bed, very much not sleeping. I''ve said it before, I''ll say it again, duBois training? Made shenanigans so. Much. Better.


    Slept through the night last night, the sleep of the just, the blissful, and the exhausted.


    Through the day today, tried to spend time putting myself back together. Like, both in a ''spending time talking about nothing with Saffron all day'' and ''meditating under Loki''s direction, feeling out the traceries of my scars where they ran all over my body''.


    As we got ready to head to bed, someone came to knock on our door at Lancaster House. I looked at Saffron, and she nodded toward the door, so I got up and walked over. When I got there, Lancaster stood outside, Bonnie standing behind him holding his hand. With a hand made completely of matte black, reflectionless... something. She never even looked at me, her eyes fixed on him the entire time, grinning like an idiot. With teeth made of the same stuff.


    Larry coughed, and when I focused back on him, said, "Commander, I had a request."


    "Hit me."


    "Could you pay a visit to my father with me tomorrow?"

 Day Two Hundred And Twenty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, most of my time here I''ve spent either in classes, learning stuff, or prepping for or dealing with one kind of crisis or another. Kinda nice to be doing something that feels like building something for a change.


    I mean, really abstract kind of ''building stuff'', but abstract stuff is the stuff that has any chance of staying. Real stuff? Constant maintenance, always falling apart, huge mess. Still worth doing, but... without the abstract stuff like ideas, ideals, goals? People forget about keeping the real stuff maintained.


    I dunno, maybe I''ve just taken one too many knocks on the head lately and haven''t gotten a chance to recover. Or maybe I''m feeling good because I''ve had a couple days doing nothing much but Saffron and watching our kid playing. Which is way more nerve wracking than it sounds. The watching Isnomi part. Not that the other part isn''t exciting, but it''s an entirely nice kind of exciting. Unlike watching our little maniac see exactly how steep of a dive she can pull out from. Although I suppose as a future parent of a teenage daredevil, I guess her being a ''pulling out'' expert is probably a good thing.


    I never really understood the parents who were all, ''oh, no, my baby is a baby and will be a baby forever and never do anything that babies aren''t supposed to do''. Look, I got a little hellspawn just like me, and that means she''s gonna get into some shit. Ain''t nothin'' gonna stop her short of locking her in a box and throwing away the key. I think by now everybody knows exactly where I stand on that particular idea thankyouverymuch. So I can either shove my head up my own ass, which sounds both painful in a not fun way, as well as unpleasant in a visual and olfactory kind of way. Okay, apparently the shit I don''t have doesn''t stink because I don''t have it, and I fart pumpkin spice for some unknown reason, but you get my point. So I gotta face facts; my little bundle of joy is literally an unholy little ball of terror, and there is absolutely no sign that her teenaged years are gonna be any better than now. So with all other options being dumb, I gotta just accept her as a little menace and let her know I accept her as an ever-growing menace, and just hope that she trusts that acceptance to let her be her and that when I say ''oh, that shit is way less fun than it looks, poor investment of time'', I''m not blowing smoke up her ass, I''m giving her the yelp review on her planned antics. Or if I say ''oh, hell, if you go there, take protective equipment and plan your getaway route carefully'', she packs body armor, condoms, and a fast car. Horse. Ship. Whatever, you get my point.


    So yeah, of course I told my one and only guy who has declared me his Patron that I''ll go see his dad with him tomorrow. I mean, I know intellectually that he''s asking me because I''m his ride. I''m cool with that even, since he''s not asking me to drive him to pick up smokes from the local head shop, or some other random stupid thing he could do on his own. He and I both know that we need to get back on the whole ''ending the Lancaster Territories Plague'' and ''stopping Calverton''s inevitable revenge invasion'' at some point in the near future. Yeah, Calverton''s probably gonna need a day or three to get their shit un-wrecked, because it sounds like the toxic waste formerly known as Lancasters did some serious damage, but unfortunately Snow Charlie and the Seven Dipshits didn''t go in and do a ''we have wrecked your shit the bare minimum for you to know we can do this at any time, we''ll be waiting politely over there when you want to discuss terms for a cease fire''. Instead, they did a ''we''re gonna use your scrotum as a speed bag, shit on your dining room table, and then fuck any hole that doesn''t move fast enough, but never push the ''fear vs. willingness to talk'' ratio over to ''yeah, let''s chat as soon as I find my left foot and my earlobes'' territory.


    I mean, shit, ''first strike that leaves the enemy hoping you never make a second one''? I''d be an absolute douchebag hypocrite if I said that wasn''t my goddamned go-to maneuver. Okay sometimes I''ll go with ''describing the first strike in loving detail until you don''t even want that'', but still, I get the whole fucking ''incentivizing de-escalation'' thing. Because war is a goddamned extension of diplomacy by violent means and shit, not a game where you try to score more points. Yes, I have read some von Clausewitz. ROTC book reports, old fuckin'' library, old as shit books, way too much time on my hands, remember?


    So yeah. When Bonnie and her Clydesdale came up to me asking for a ride and some backup for talking to the strongest sphincter muscles in the tri-state area? What else could I say?


    "You got it, Larry. What time did you want to leave?"


    He looked kind of like he''d expected to have to say more, or explain something, or I dunno, fill out forms in triplicate. Instead he looked like he''d lost the script for like two seconds, until Bonnie giggled, he smiled at the sound and said, "what time do you recommend, Commander?"


    I looked over my shoulder to where Saffron was reading one of the four books we''d found in the suite, some kind of manual for raising sheep, I think, because it was too fuckin'' boring for even me to read, and called out, "hey Kitten, does the General normally eat breakfast with you guys?"


    She closed the book with one finger inside to mark her place, looked up and said, "no, love. He normally eats with the troops while Mrs. Driver, George, and I are eating Drivers'' takeout. They have incredibly good little thin pancake things filled with some kind of cream that stays put instead of leaking out. No idea how they do it."


    I smiled fondly at my love waxing not poetic about sweets, because it was absolutely her sort of guilty pleasure, and I had no idea why she would be guilty. Yeah, maybe some time in her late twenties her metabolism would slow down and she''d get round like a beach ball, but my old body wasn''t anybody''s idea of ''svelte'', and I''d still have done me, so I don''t see why I''d have a problem with that, so long as she kept smiling and saying ''yes, lets see how many prudes we can give aneurisms''. I was curious about one thing though. "What about the mornings you''ve eaten here with us?"


    She went into full on Saffron trying to avoid admitting to her sweet tooth mode, eyes roaming around the room before finally realizing she had nowhere to run and no emergency to point at, what with Isnomi in bed by now with Marie curled up on the floor next to her, because she hadn''t been in the mood for an exhausted threesome. "I have to get Mrs. Driver there for breakfast with George, so I Co-Locate to get her there on time."


    "Oh, okay. Here I thought you''d been nomming down Lancaster House waffles and Drivers'' whipped cream crepes." Dude, you think I don''t know from food? There is a reason my trunk had junk back in Camden.


    I swear she looked like some kind of rodent, like a squirrel or something, trying to figure out exactly where to hide her nut so she could run away before the local cat ate her. Which was even funnier to me than normal what with, ah, yeah. Still Co-Located, doing things that would be illegal in some neopuritan states. After a couple moments she sighed and said, "Yeah. Kinda. Always."


    I smiled at her, because she was so fuckin'' cute when she got all flustered, and it didn''t really happen all that often. Only when I cornered her about her sweet tooth, mostly. "Like, every time you stay here for breakfast always?" She opened her book and hid behind it. "Kitten?" She muttered something, and I called over, "what was that? I didn''t hear you?" I mean, the room wasn''t like, palatial, but it was like four times the size of our cell, and she was more than halfway across the room.


    "I..." mutter mutter mutter.


    "Okay, sweetie, I''m not mad or anything, but if you''re gonna be all shy about it, that''s okay." She gets so cute annoyed when I act all mature and understanding and shit about her wanting to nom all the sweets.


    She put the book face down in her lap and said, "I said I... sneak into the Ladies'' Quarters. Down in the kitchens. Sometimes. A lot. For waffles."


    I couldn''t help it. I didn''t laugh out loud, but I was positively shaking with silent laughter when I said, "oh, man, every time you don''t stay for breakfast?"


    She looked down at her lap, sighed, and said, "no. All those times and sometimes when I do." When a snerked laugh snuck out of me she glared at me. "They''re really good waffles!"


    I turned back to the couple outside our door, only to find Bonnie''s arms draped over his shoulders, with her mouth up by his ear like she was whispering something to him. I suspect that while she put on a good show and pulled away just a touch the moment I looked, she was in fact not whispering at all, because my boy Larry''s eyes were fuckin'' crossed. Life may have been really shitty to me and mine a couple days ago, but right now it felt like we''d gotten all the balancing karma dumped over our heads in one lump sum.


    Yes, I know karma doesn''t work like that. No, I''m not going to take it back, because I am, right at this moment, exactly That Bitch.


    Anyhow, when I caught something approaching awareness of something other than Bonnie''s mouth in his eyes, I said, "okay, Larry. Be ready to go before breakfast."


    Larry''s pretty quick to recover, but Bonnie...


    Look, I saw a lot of shit go down back in Camden. Bad shit. Shit that, while it didn''t really hold a candle to the sheer savagery and shittyness of the bastards Lancaster, was definitely in the same category of violation. While everybody''s different, most of the people who had that shit happen reacted one of two ways. Either they got super gun shy, to the point where if they wanted to get busy they had to be drunk, high, or both, or they went the other way, turning into complete hose-beasts. Maybe they were trying to take back their agency in the thing, maybe they were chasing the happy brain chemicals, I dunno. But it seemed like our Bonnie had decided that she was gonna rub Larry all over her until she couldn''t smell his asshole cousins on her or something. I''m sure as shit not gonna judge; as long as they were happy and didn''t hurt themselves or anybody else? My entire opinion on the matter came down to ''fuck it, if it works for you, I''m behind you one hundred percent''.


    Yeah, Bonnie was not helping Larry''s ability to function as a coherent adult homo sapiens at the moment. It took him a moment to put together the sentence. "You don''t want to stay for the waffles?"


    I grinned over his shoulder at Bonnie and hoped she could hit the ball if I pitched it underhand and slow. "Oh, hey, Larry, don''t get me wrong. Your waffles are great. Saffron and I love them. But..." I did a one handed finger gun at Bonnie.


    She picked up what I was laying down perfectly, because much like myself, she was way less stupid than she sold herself as. Or maybe we just had compatible stupidity. Whatever. She pulled his chin around to her with one pitch black pointer finger and the moment his gaze met hers, said, "I''ve had your waffles. Don''t you wanna try my crepes?"


    Holy. Fuckballs. That shit wasn''t even aimed at me and I was caught in the area of effect. Then again, I''m pretty sure if Saffron or I had, y''know, spoken to any other human beings for the first couple hours after we were married we would have seemed just as high voltage, prone to ignition kind of hot. Larry didn''t even look at me, just said, "Okay. Yeah. Meet you here before breakfast. Got it, Commander." By the time he got that final ''Commander'' out he had her over his shoulder and was carrying her toward the suite opposite ours, which as far as I knew was empty. In fact, I think it counted as the ''nearest empty room with a bed'', which was almost as funny as watching Bonnie, grinning like an idiot as Larry carried her off feet first so she dangled with her waist on his shoulder and her butt in the air next to his head, waving ''bye bye'' at me while mouthing the words. I managed to get the door shut before I started laughing, and stumbled over to sit next to where Saffron had pulled her feet up on the sofa.


    "We really ought to be getting to bed if we''re getting up early."


    Saffron put her book down with a sigh, laying it on a nearby coffee table. "Love?"


    "Yeah, Kitten?"


    "Why do you tease me so about loving sweets so much?"


    I turned to her, unable to do anything but smile. "I''m sorry, Kitten. I really don''t mean to? But you''re so cute, and I love watching you eat. Especially dessert."


    "Especially dessert?"


    I nodded. "You get the cutest looks on your face. This kind of little kid blissful when you don''t know I''m looking, then guilty, but not enough to stop, just enough to start nomming as hard as you can when you realize I''m watching you. It is fucking adorable."


    "I thought I was adorably fuckable?"


    "Yeah, yeah, yeah. You''re both and you know it."


    "So, you like watching me eat?"


    Yeah, things went kinda ''only two people who are both in two places at the same time can really get that particular flavor of kinky'' after that. Right before we both fell asleep, I called out, "hey, Marie?" When she raised her head to look at us, I continued, "we''re gonna sleep at Lancaster House tonight. You wanna bring the menace along?"


    She tilted her head in thought, then said, "No," and settled back down to sleep.


    I managed to wake up more or less ''on time'', for a value of ''on time'' that had me hearing Larry''s first knock on the door. I blinked a couple times, called out, "be right there!" then rolled out of bed, Saffron over one shoulder because that really had looked like fun, zapping us into uniform as I strode toward the door. By the time I got there, the silky feel of Glowing Midnight flowed around my hands and up against my head, and much like The Dress, it was cut all the way up the side, so her position was maybe a little bit less than polite. I set her on her feet, took her hand in mine, and pulled open the door. Bonnie and Larry stood outside, hand in hand, fingers intertwined. "You guys ready to go?" When they nodded, I reached out, laid my hand on Larry''s shoulder, and stepped us into Drivers''. Inside, because it had snowed overnight, and I did not want Saffron freezing any of her good bits off.


    The moment we arrived, Bonnie yoinked Larry away, towing him behind the counter and through the door to the kitchen, where she called out, "good morning, Mrs. Driver! Mr. Driver, could you make two extra orders of cream filled crepes for us to take today?"


    I heard the low rumble of Papa Driver''s response to her. Not, like, enough to know exactly what he''d said, but it had kind of a ''sure'' tone to it. A moment later, Mama Driver''s voice echoed out from the kitchen. "Bonnie, what are you... oh, sweet Dionysus what happened to..." what came after that was not replicable by human lungs or vocal cords. Just a high pitched squeal like a freight train desperately hitting the breaks, accompanied by someone stomping so heavily and rapidly that the floor kind of vibrated.


    We left with not only double helpings of cream crepes for all of us, but a whole chocolate cake that Mama Driver scooped up in passing. Saffron took Mama Driver by her free hand, since Bonnie and Larry were carrying a squad''s worth of Drivers'' paper wrapped goodies. I laid a hand on Larry''s shoulder and looked at Saffron, who stepped us all to what I assumed would be the command tent.


    This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.


    Apparently at some point in the recent past the command tent had been replaced by a building. Still pretty basic, a pretty plain barn of a building, but with way less room than you''d expect from a barn. Nicer windows, too. They shed the morning light onto a table that ran the length of the open space of the building, which was one large room. I say ''the open space'' because like half of this two story, barn sized building? Which, despite the decent furniture and nice windows, had a straight up dirt floor? Yeah, that was taken up by a very familiar hunk of stone.


    "Whoa. Definitely symbolic. Sends a pretty baller message."


    Saffron just looked up at me as the others stared. "Really?"


    "Oh, yeah. Totally ''you dropped this house sized rock on me, and now I''m in charge, do not forget that''. Real slapping it on the table and not bothering to measure because yours is biggest kinda stuff."


    While Bonnie and Larry wavered between looking scandalized at that image and vaguely embarrassed that we knew they both knew exactly what we were talking about because we knew about their recent shenanigans, even though they''d kept them in private and neither one was, like, that loud, Mama Driver got a speculative look that had your girl Tabitha really trying not to clamp my knees together in denial of even the speculation that seven foot bull schlong would ever enter any orifice on my body, because that would just be crass. And she still had the chocolate cake, and that might make her not give me my piece. Which would mean I wouldn''t get special bonus Saffron points for feeding her most of it.


    Saffron just smiled up at me and said, "that is absolutely the takeaway I intended. Thank you."


    After that Saffron lined us all up along the side of the table and organized the distribution of breakfast crepes and cake, including a place set for George. He got there just as most of us were about half done with our crepes, because I knew there was no fuckin'' way she would hit ''pause'' on either those crepes or that cake afterward, and as always in high powered diplomatic social situations? The Big Dog makes the rules, and my sweet little Kitten was absolutely the biggest dog at the table, and acted like it.


    I mean, yeah, she didn''t get a vote unless the others couldn''t agree, and her only real ''command'' was joint forces of the Inter-City Council, and she was absolutely the physically littlest one in the room with no exception, but on the other hand to the best of anyone else''s knowledge she had straight up no-sold the big fuckin'' hunk of stone when it was dropped on her head, with her only response being planting her boots through Newark''s City Walls and calling me to heel.


    Shit. I was the Imperator''s Attack Dog.


    Fuck it, she knew just where to pet me and gave me all the best treats.


    Woof.


    So we all ate breakfast together, George lagging a little behind, until he finished up just as I was finishing feeding Saffron most of my cake. While we dicked around with food, Bonnie told Mama Driver stories about Larry teaching her how to use a sword, and saving her from Dragon Fire, and all other shit that, I mean, yeah, might have happened, but I''d been way too busy with other shit to pay fuck all attention to her and Larry''s budding romance. Okay, that''s not entirely completely true, but it was more along the lines of ''oh, hey, cool, guess he''s not into hand jobs'' than ''oh my god, so sweet and wholesome and yet good god do they have so much unresolved sexual tension''.


    Yeah. Way, way, way less of that now, at any rate. Good for them. Neither one''s my thing; she''s just way too diabetes-inducing for me, and he''s... well... Look, some part of me will always look at him and see Laurence Lancaster, record holding micropenis owner and guaranteed emetic or your money back, okay? I''m really happy for him, and maybe even an extra really or two for her, but there is absolutely no envy on my part for either of them.


    So, into our post-breakfast sugar rush bliss strode the man we''d come to see, the current world''s record holder for speed and quantity of matter collapsed by his rectum, General Leonard Lancaster himself. When he saw the extra three inhabitants of the, I guess it was the command center now, instead of the command tent? He just strode right up like he''d been the one to call us here, turned to me and said, "Commander Diaz. What''s the situation at Lancaster House?"


    Screw it. He wanted to play that game, I could fuckin'' play that game. Maybe. Fuck it. "Well, sir, there''s some good news and some bad news. Starting with the good news, I think we''ve begun to hit the western edges of the plague spread. I''m not certain, mind you, because we''re still pushing our southern perimeter west, but our northwestern perimeter had only one infected person, unlike some of the eastern farmsteads, which were more or less completely depopulated. That''s the first bit of bad news, that at least two farms are a complete write-off until Lancaster House and its farmsteads can back down from a war footing and get the Volunteers back to work doing their civilian jobs. Folks might need some kind of incentive to go back to those farms, too, but that''s really gonna be more Larry''s job than mine. Or maybe yours, I guess. Anyway, that''s another bit of bad news; we''re not gonna be able to back down off that war footing any time soon, because the former collective Heroes Lancaster, yourself excluded, chose to ignore my recommendation that they perform a reconnaissance mission to determine the current state of Calverton City and its forces, instead choosing to rape and pillage their way from the western bridge across the Susquehanna down to Calverton, destroy a force sent to stop them, then rape and pillage their way to the southern bridge across the Susquehanna, then upon returning to Lancaster lands sneak their way back to Lancaster House, whereupon at the first instance where no men were there to stop them, decided to rape and pillage at Lancaster House as well."


    I think Lenny''s eyebrows were gonna hit the back of his neck by that point, so I decided to give him a summary wrap up. "So, we''re in good shape regarding the Plague, what with putting up an expanding quarantine cordon and getting some local Healers trained to spot and Cure the Plague, we''ve got some decent combat Veterans after killing the wyvern pack and Ice Dragon that were terrorizing the eastern portion of Lancaster lands, but we''re going to have to face Calverton in the field and convince them that their best course of action is to negotiate a peace settlement, maybe with some reparations for our exceptionally loose cannons."


    He just stared at me for like a full ten count. I''m pretty sure everybody else was staring too, but I didn''t give a shit about them at the time, just Lord Lenny Lockjaw. At the end of that, his first words were, "that is a significantly more... colorful report than I am used to hearing from you, Cadet Diaz."


    I didn''t miss my sudden apparent demotion from ''Commander'' to ''Cadet'', but fuck it, Cadet Diaz had a lot more time to fuck around with her wife and play with her kid and maid. I shrugged. "You asked for a SitRep, and I didn''t want to waste your time with a blow-by-blow of every body we buried or how many buckets of vomit we had to clean up. Also, I''m pretty confident that if I fucked anything up this time, it was due to information beyond my ability to acquire, rather than poor decision making on my part."


    "Well. That is, indeed, different. Clarify for me the word ''former'' in relation to the Heroes of Lancaster House?"


    I shook my head just a little, not enough to seem defiant, just enough to let him know he wasn''t getting that info quite yet. "If you don''t mind, sir, Freshman Cadet Lancaster came today to speak with you about some things related to that, and I''d hate to waste your time by more than one of us telling you the same thing."


    General Lancaster blinked once, slowly, then swiveled his gaze to target Larry like some kind of human laser turret. I took a quick glance around as Larry, never letting go of Bonnie''s matte black right hand with his left, stepped right up in front of his father. Not into his personal space, and not really into confrontational distance, but definitely into the range where the General could not misinterpret who Larry was talking to. Or who was standing at his left hand.


    "Good Morning, Father. It''s good to see you well." As big poppa Lancaster opened his mouth, by his furrowed brow meaning to tear into Larry, Larry straight up verbally steamrolled him with, "upon my arrival at Lancaster House, Heir Lachlan Lancaster, who lay upon his deathbed, declared me Heir to House Lancaster. Very shortly thereafter, when Commander Diaz arrived, she cleared up Master Lancaster''s medical issues. As he did not request the return of his position, and in fact seemed in need of recuperative time, I retained the title and performed or delegated my duties as seemed appropriate at the time. Primarily I worked beside the Commander in the task you assigned her, as the former Heroes Lancaster, and I am getting to that in a moment, only nominally acknowledged the Commander''s authority, eventually, as noted, going completely rogue and starting a war with Calverton by actions which besmirched the Lancaster name, at the very least."


    He paused for a breath, just long enough for Lenny to open his mouth, then drove forward again. Go you fucking madman go. "Upon their return to Lancaster House, they raped and murdered Cadet Bonita Obol and assaulted Cadet Raven Aetos, both of the Expeditionary Force, while all other Cadets and Master Lancaster were occupied with the efforts to defeat the Plague gripping our lands. As Heir, upon returning and becoming aware of their crimes, it was my duty to dispense Justice. I executed them."


    If Larry''d had a microphone, I don''t think he would have dropped it right then. Just lowered it to his side like a goddamned gunfighter looking at the other guy and saying, ''your shot. bitch''.


    General Leonard Lancaster? Blinked. "You did what?"


    "Pardon me, father. Perhaps you should see a Healer about your hearing, because I''m certain I spoke clearly. I. Executed. Them."


    Lenny''s face hardened back up, his gaze tracking from Larry, to me, then back. "You did so? Or Cadet Diaz did so? Or you did so with her assistance?"


    Larry shrugged, tilted his head as if considering, then straightened up. Every motion was so overdone it was absolutely clear he was doing it on purpose. "Commander Diaz assisted with my investigation, as I did not wish to visit retribution on any persons innocent of such a heinous crime. Alistair Lancaster had already admitted his guilt at the scene of the crime, so I had already executed him. Upon Commander Diaz confirming that all remaining former Heroes Lancaster were, indeed, guilty of that crime, I executed all but Charles formerly Lancaster, who fled when the executions started. Commander Diaz captured and restrained him until I had fulfilled my duties as Heir with the rest, at which point she assisted with his execution."


    "Assisted how?"


    "She held him up so I could cut his head in half without damaging Lancaster House''s flooring."


    Credit where it''s due, Lenny did not flinch at that. He just swiveled his gaze over to me and asked, "Cadet Diaz, is that correct?"


    I scrunched up my nose in that ''well...'' kind of look, then said, "I mean, I''d have said I ''neutralized Charlie non-lethally'' rather than ''captured him''. Oh, and we were gonna cut his head in half, but like three quarters of the way his spine kinda gave way and everything from the ears down just kinda ripped off and fell on the floor." I blinked once, slowly, as I stared into Lenny''s eyes, then said, "some real poor quality spine in that particular ex-Lancaster."


    Lenny really looked like he''d gotten thrown into the spin cycle and didn''t like it one little bit. Grasping at something to take back the conversational initiative, he said, "You ''neutralized'' him."


    I smiled real big. "Yeah. I like that word. Neutralize."


    Saffron deadpanned, "she does. Fetishizes it, even."


    I never paused, because I loved the way it made Lenny''s eyes cross. If he thought calling me in to fuck with Larry was gonna work, I would totally take the time to fuck with him, especially when I had his boss in the room backing me up because of my linguistic skills and utter lack of inhibitions. "It just rolls off the tongue. I neutralized the living shit out of his knees and elbows. You bend that shit a hundred eighty degrees sideways and it''s neutralized real good, in a permanent kind of way."


    "Be that as it may," Larry jumped back into the conversation, and I shut the immediate fuck up, because I''m just cool like that. "None of that is what I came here to speak with you about." A short pause, just long enough for Lenny to get verbally steamrolled again. "It has come to my attention as Heir that not only have our current policies drastically underutilized the talents and skills of nearly three quarters of the personnel under our direction, they have also placed clearly incompetent individuals in positions where their flawed decision making has not only negated the already marginal use of those three quarters, but also reduced or even damaged the productive capacity of the remaining quarter. As such, I will be changing those policies, effective immediately."


    I thought Larry was ready to let his old man talk, but the moment Lenny''s beetled brows pointed at his opening mouth, Larry cut in with, "oh, yes, forgive me for not mentioning this earlier, but since last we spoke I have named my sword, had it re-forged after it was destroyed in battle, and subsequently renamed it."


    Watching General Lancaster''s face at that point was like watching somebody who had just navigated an out-of-control garbage truck over an icy lake, only to see that the docks were just high enough that their axles were about to get taken out with just enough force to flip all that garbage right on top of their head. After like ten solid seconds where his eyes should have been flashing blue screen of death ''does not compute'' messages, he said, in an almost in-control Lancaster voice, "you named your sword? That is... good news. Its name?"


    "I named it Dragonslayer after Commander Diaz borrowed it and used it to attack a Dragon from within its own mouth."


    Blink. Blink. "Well. I suppose if it was used to slay a Dragon, that should be its name whether you used it or not, but that is significantly less impressive than had you done it."


    "I am well aware of that fact. The sword sustained significant damage in battle against the Dragon, and before I could have it repaired, it was shattered by the Valkyrie sent to collect Lachlan Lancaster''s soul. At that time Commander Diaz re-forged the sword into its current form, after which I used it to fend off the Valkyrie while Commander Diaz corrected Lachlan''s medical issues." With that he kicked one foot onto his toes and angled his head the tiniest increment forward, doing the absolute shittiest ''taking a knee'' I could imagine, whipping out his sword and extending the blade as he did. "Lord Lancaster, I present to you the newest named sword of Lancaster House, Slayer."


    Blink. Pause. Blink. "You... fended off Odin''s Valkyrie?"


    I couldn''t help it. "Oh, yeah. He fended the living shit out of that Valkyrie. When he was done fending her she was spread all over the fucking bedroom. Total Jackson Pollock moment."


    Holy shit I was enjoying watching Lenny''s train of thought doing Tokyo Drift shit. He opened his mouth, and Larry, with a voice that positively screamed ''oh, this isn''t really important or anything, but just so you know'', said, "as after that event it occurred to me that Commander Diaz has done far more for House Lancaster during recent events than I can remember Odin doing for the House, well, ever, I have sworn to her as my Patron."


    Okay, that got some really uncomfortable stares pointed in my direction from everybody but Larry and Lenny. Okay, Bonita only really glanced at me before turning adoring eyes back to Larry, but everybody else was trying out for the Phileo Olympic ''synchronized WTF Diaz? looks'' team. I shrugged and kept my eyes on Big Poppa Lancaster, because his drifting train of thought had just started doing barrel rolls across the waste treatment plant. I cleared my throat just a little, and when Larry turned his head just far enough to look at me, said, "right about now is when my Patron would probably say something like ''terribly well done, Tabitha Diaz'', so, um, yeah. Good fuckin'' job, Larry. I approve." I shot him a thumbs up and saw the faintest of grins twitch the corners of his lips.


    Right about then Lenny realized that his son had broken eye contact and wasn''t even looking at him at that point. In a voice that had more ''infuriated roar'' than ''command'' about it, he shouted, "you foolish boy, Odin has been our family''s Patron for generations, and now you will bring his wrath upon us!" His hand shot back, swung at Larry...


    Who caught it inches away from his head. Without turning away from me. Holding Lenny''s trembling hand, Larry''s swiveled his gaze back to his father. "If he finds displeasure with my actions, he can send his Valkyries to inform me." He retracted Slayer''s blade, inspected it for a moment, then hung it back on his belt. "If he has any left."


    The sound of rustling paper whispered in my brain. I have taught you well, daughter. So proud of you.


    I didn''t do shit, boss. This is all Larry.


    Oh, Tabitha Diaz. So modest. Who is his Patron again?


    Oh. Thanks Boss. You''re still the best.


    I know.


    Larry, who''d been holding his father''s hand in place, dropped it. "Finally, as the first step toward correcting the policies of Lancaster House, Bonita Obol and I will be wed within the next two days."


    "When?" I''m not sure if General Lancaster was asking when the wedding was, or trying to mock Larry for not having a specific date and time, or, I dunno, spouting random words to try and get back in the conversation. At that point he seemed to realize he needed backup, and his eyes slipped closed, his mouth working. A moment later his hands shot up to his temples and he winced like somebody had just kicked his brain in the nuts.


    "As soon as we have arranged for a venue and officiants." Larry turned to me. "Commander Diaz? I was hoping you could officiate, if possible." Bonnie leaned in to whisper in his ear, and he blinked a bit, looking a lot like a less assholey version of his dad in that moment. "My betrothed would also like High Priestess Aetos to co-officiate, if she could possibly?"


    I turned to Saffron, and before I could say anything, she looked straight at General Lancaster and said, "Commander Diaz and I would be honored. It is time and past time that High Priestess Diaz and I find our places in the temple district. Once we do, would the temple of Loki and Mimic be an acceptable venue?"


    Holy. Shit. Lenny''s face still won the gold in ''what the fuck did I just hear'' for the day, but Bonnie, George, Mama Driver, and Ophelia, who had just wandered into the room with a ''why isn''t everyone looking at me'' booger look a moment before all four gave him a serious run for his money. Before any of them could respond, Larry said, "absolutely, and thank you for offering, High Priestess." Bonnie, still looking kind of shell shocked at whose High Priestess she''d just asked to co-officiate her wedding, whispered in Larry''s ear again. He turned to me and said, "if we provide you with a modest guest list, could you please ensure that all the guests who otherwise would have travel issues can attend, my Patron?"


    I grinned what I knew was an absolutely big goofy grin at him and replied, "I would be delighted to."


    Holy shit, everything was coming up Tabitha, and I really hadn''t done shit to make it happen, just kinda smiled and waved as Larry fucking steamrolled everything while I cheered him on.


    Now you know how I feel oh so very often since I met you, Tabitha Diaz.

 Day Two Hundred And Twenty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    I don''t know from ''The Right Thing'' very often, I don''t think. I mean, The Wrong Thing? Things, really, since there are plenty of Wrong Things out there to choose from? Yeah, I can spot some of those. Rape. Murder. Stealing things someone needs to survive. Hurting people who don''t deserve it. Listening to any Metallica after they championed the cause of the Big Exploitative Labels unironically. Crop Dusting. But The Right Thing? I''m really not sure any more.


    Although... maybe, since there''s apparently a list of Wrong Things maybe as long as my list of cut classes? Maybe there''s more than one Right Thing?


    Fuck, I dunno. Stop looking at me like I''m an authority... figure....


    Fuck on toast.


    Anyway, so yesterday after Larry kicked his father''s train of thought off the rails, carpet bombed its eventual stopping place in a waste treatment plant, and somehow managed to share credit with me and mine even though we''d only stood there with stupid grins and all the cheerleading skills of the girls from the ''Smells Like Teen Spirit'' video, I realized that one of those maybe ''Right Things'' was missing. Or undone. Something like that anyhow. I stepped close enough to Larry to speak so only he and Bonnie could hear. I mean, I would have spoken quiet enough for only him to hear, but since she was draped over him like one of those lions in the formal attire of really over the top Hollywood-African rulers, that would have required me molding myself to his other side, and we''ve already talked about my aversion to that idea.


    "This would be a good time to maybe toss out an olive leaf."


    Larry didn''t snerk, but not only did Bonnie totally do so, I heard the very pointed not-snerk in his voice when he replied, equally quietly, "I think you mean olive branch, Commander?"


    I backed up, bringing my hands up in an absolutely intentional comedic show of disavowal. "Oh, hey now, I didn''t say I was down for all that, now. That''s way, way too much."


    I got him that time, he barked out a laugh and turned back to his father with a snickering Bonnie draped over his shoulder. "Would you like to attend, sir?"


    Lancaster Senior twitched his head, like he wanted to shake it to clear it, but didn''t want to risk being misunderstood. After pausing and clearing his throat, he straightened up and said, "Of course. For a wedding of such politic importance in the City, the High Priest of Odin must be..."


    "No." It spoke volumes that when Larry cut his father off, his father stopped talking. "I suspect the High Priestess of Mimic," absolute baller, didn''t stutter or even slow down, "might have objections to Odin, but I am absolutely certain that the High Priestess of Loki would be outright offended should a High Priest of Odin attend." When Daddy Lancaster blinked in confusion, Larry continued, much more gently. "But the head of Lancaster House, on the other hand, ought attend any such important politically charged event, and..." that last word came out almost as an afterthought of a whisper, like we''d all imagined he hadn''t ended the sentence with the word ''event''.


    Saffron cut in at that point. "As one of the co-officiants, I will state here and now that should they be available to do so, the parents of the bride and groom ought attend any wedding and show their support of their children. Even if they disagree with the match itself, it is their duty to support their children in whatever way they are able." She turned to look directly at me. "What are Loki''s opinions on the matter?"


    Uhh....


    Oh, no, you are my designated representative, and I cannot wait to hear my stance on this.


    Thanks. Boss. You''re. The best.


    I know.


    I love him like the dad I don''t really remember, but he could be a Compleat Prick at times. But looking at it from the other end, like I kinda had to do now? Yeah, that would be fuckin'' hilarious to do.


    I shook my head like I''d been daydreaming or some shit, my gaze winding up pointed straight at Saffron''s cleavage before snapping up to take in the rest of the crowd. "Oh, yeah. Hearth and Home and all that good shit. I ain''t even gonna try to tell our menace who she''s gonna kick it with, but sure as shit I''m gonna support whatever choice she makes."


    While I listened to three sets of laughter, one slightly shocked from Saffron and two filled with absolute hilarity from Loki and Sigyn echoing through him, I watched something maybe on some level approaching softness flash across Leonard Lancaster''s face. Not, like, gooey sappy happiness, or even care for his son or any normal human emotion, but... relief? He straightened up, practically clicked his heels together as he stood to something between Attention and Parade Rest, actually nodded his head, albeit incrementally, toward Larry and Bonnie, and said, "so be it. Lord Lancaster would be honored to attend the wedding ceremony of his son Laurence, the Heir Lancaster."


    Holy. Fuckballs. I''d come here vaguely expecting Larry to slap his metaphoric Heir cock down on the table and dare Lenny to try measuring up, but I absolutely did not expect goddamned General Leonard Lancaster, in full control of his wits, to openly and directly acknowledge Larry as Heir. Shit, maybe that''s why the relief, maybe? Sure as shit if I''d spent my life managing what amounted to the biggest chunk of land and wealth and power in the least shitty City in the world, I''d have been a little bit nervous about handing all that over to Lachlan, especially knowing that he had eight asshole cousins and one useless waste of space vying for the job instead of supporting him.


    Now? Larry had just stepped up and slammed down his ''I can run this better than you have done, and I have... no, wait, I am enacting a plan to do so''. I''m even pretty sure Leonard knew how deeply bonded his sons were, and that Lachlan would sooner drink rancid tuna salad out of his own asshole than knowingly betray his brother. The former Heroes formerly known as Lancaster sure as shit had no say or influence over anything any more, so they wouldn''t be a problem. So, y''know, other than ''he might decide I''m a problem too'', Daddy Lancaster''s Heir problems had all vanished in one, admittedly confusing and painful for him, morning.


    Weirdest thing? At this point I think if Larry had decided Lenny was a problem and executed him? Lenny wouldn''t object. Fight back, maybe, because he sure as shit wasn''t stupid or suicidal, but if Larry could put him in the ground, to Lenny that was just another sign he was the better man to be leading.


    Not really a line of thought I could empathize or agree with, but... Y''know? Maybe I take that back. If someday I saw Isnomi in front of me saying, ''I''m sorry, Momma, but you''re hurting people and I have to stop you.''? I''m not sure if I would fight back. Oh, I guarantee I''d be running my fucking mouth, because ain''t shit gonna stop that, but... I don''t know that I could raise a hand against her. I sure as shit would regret doing so, even out of instinct. She''s a Good Kid. Way better than me. Even if she is a Hellspawn in my own image.


    At any rate, the Council still had fuckin'' work to do. I looked at Bonnie and Larry and said, "okay you two. Looks like the wedding is on for Monday. You two have plans for the day?" When they shook their heads, I moved toward the door Ophelia and Lancaster had come in, waved them after me and asked, "any chance you could show us around, love?"


    With that an Academy-Uniformed Saffron strode by my side, reaching out to capture my hand and lead me outside with Bonnie and Larry in tow. "Certainly. I can show you some of what''s been done to repair the, ah, shit-kicking you gave Newark, show you around the town, what parts are coming back to functioning after the quarantine, and show you off to the combined Army."


    That''s really fuckin'' hot, you just shoving that kind of personal power right in the Council''s faces. I think I''d need new panties...


    Saffron barked a laugh as I trailed off. If you ever wore any, you irrepressible hedonist. It sounds almost like you want the two of us to Co-Locate back to Phileo for the day as well.


    You know me so well, but... let''s let this simmer, see where it goes.


    She shot me a little side eye, which I wouldn''t have seen if I weren''t looking at her anyhow. Behind us neither of the lovebirds noticed our little non-verbal byplay. It seemed they''d settled into their preferred public roles, where she pretended to pay zero attention to shit but distracting him, and he tried to function like a vaguely normal non-distracted human being while she did so. Fuck it, if they both liked the parts they were playing, good on them. At any rate, Saffron thought, Tabitha? Are you feeling okay? I almost think I heard you think about delaying gratification when you know you could have it both now and later.


    Yeah, I think you''ve converted me to the cause of anticipation. I mean, sometimes at least.


    Not worried that we''ll be interrupted? Yet again?


    I shrugged. Eh. What''re the odds the two of them aren''t going to ask us for a ride back to Lancaster House so they can get their ride on at some point before dinner?


    Her shoulders shook with silent laughter. I give it until an hour after lunch, tops.


    See? See? You''re pickin'' up what I''m puttin'' down. Besides, even if I''m all mature and you''re all stately and shit, and we''d never start a global thermonuclear war over interrupted nookie, you really think the pair of them have that kind of restraint yet?


    She turned her head as she led us toward the Army encampment, which had people streaming in and out more or less constantly, a lot of them heading to or from the two big worksites where Saffron had stomped a pair of size Kaiju stilettoes through the walls. Careful, love, it sounds almost like you envy Aphrodite her Domain.


    I shrugged. I mean, I could always go take it. Not like the bitch hasn''t done a million things to deserve it. Probably this week even.


    She pouted up at me. Not fair. Now I kind of want to see what it would be like if you do. But I also think you''re joking, and that you''d feel bad if you did it for fun, or because I asked you to.


    I put my arm around her, running my hand down her hair, down her back, and giving her butt a squeeze before lifting it back up to her shoulder. Hey, I''ll make it up to you later.


    But how, though?


    I tilted my head as Saffron started pointing out key spots in the battlefield to Bonnie and Larry, who made appropriate appreciative noises. I mean, mostly Larry did. Bonnie''s self-appointed job being seeing how often she could make him miss his cues, I think. How about I do my best to make you terrified of the thought of me eating a sex Deity, because you don''t think you''d survive the celebratory shenanigans, and you absolutely wouldn''t be able to stop yourself from engaging in them anyway?


    This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.


    She shuddered the tiniest bit, I only felt it because I had, as noted, put my arm around her. Now I''m really hoping they ask to go back before lunch.


    Yay!


    Saffron was as good as her word, pointing out a lot of the key points of the battle, describing it to Larry, answering his questions about maneuvers, the flow of the battle, all that good military shit. I mean, some of it didn''t apply, like ''what direction did our forces advance from'', what with ''our forces'' being me, and my direction of advance being ''right up in your grill while ripping your gonads through your sphincter''. But even there he seemed pretty impressed. Fuck, he even seemed a little smug, which totally confused me until I realized. The goddamned one-sided murderfest I still hadn''t quite gotten over feeling guilty about? Just cemented his certainty that he''d picked the right Patron.


    Eh. Fuckit. I had enough people blowing smoke up my ass because they wanted something from me. Might as well have one doing it because he thought I liked it and deserved a well-smoked ass.


    Our bonnie Bonnie decided her Clydesdale needed immediate riding sometime just before lunch. I still don''t remember exactly what Larry said, because what with Saffron playing tour guide? I''d been dreaming up decadent deviltry since the moment I thought ''yay''. Honestly, I really hoped I hadn''t misunderstood his request, because before he''d finished inhaling after speaking, I''d dropped them both next to the Heir''s bed with a hurried, "We''llPickUpTheGuestListTomorrowBye!"


    I''ll bet you''re expecting me to say something like ''Saffron and I were happily exhausted when we showed up at the Temple district Sunday morning wearing our Clerical best'', but that is absolutely not the case.


    We showed up shortly after lunch.


    Neither of us were fatigued in the slightest. In her case because I''d come up with the idea of applying precision Stabilizes to sensitive regions every time she tried to claim exhaustion. In my case I''d really intended to lean on my literally inhuman Endurance, but... um... yeah, apparently worship is kind of refreshing? And I''m sure at some point she said something like ''don''t tell me which one you killed, I want to believe this is absolutely all your own doing''? She sure as hell seemed to ''get exhausted'' quicker and quicker, to the point where when someone''s cart bumped into the door and we scrambled into a kid-safe position faster than I thought possible, I''m sure she''d said ''so exhausted'' repeatedly in an absolutely cocaine-squirrel energetic voice for like half an hour. Turned out Marie had some stuff to do after lunch, and had come by to drop Isnomi off for the afternoon. Before we let her go, we pulled her into a big old thorough hugging, which Isnomi of course jumped in for as well, since I felt like we''d really been neglecting her over the past couple days.


    I wasn''t sure how to feel, but sure as shit felt some kinda way, probably multiple ways, when after Isnomi ran to put on the little padded flight suit Marie had knocked together, Saffron pulled Marie and I down and said, "I definitely think we need to show Marie what you''ve just shown me."


    I replied, in the same quiet tones, "you mean, like, both of us?"


    Saffron pulled out the Grin of Global Panty Obliteration, looked Marie straight in the eye and said, "oh. yeah. She can take it. I''m sure she''s looking forward to it, even. Right, oh my beloved Maenad?"


    I''m not sure which engendered which of the feels; Marie''s slightly floor-rumbling purr, her squeaked out, "Yes?" or the way how she scampered off reminded me a whole fucking lot of Bonnie''s ''terrifically eager and eagerly terrified'' vibe when we dropped her and Larry off.


    Shit, I''m now thinking of ''terrified'' as a positive thing. Fuck. Because it is apparently my entire Pantheon''s guiding motif, the whole ''terror'' thing. Then again, there wasn''t really any ''no'' involved in Marie''s ''yes''. Mystification, maybe, confusion at her own response and agreed to fate, certainly, maybe even a shit ton of the kind of terror that you feel as the clicking of the chain winching the roller coaster up slows down for those last couple clicks before it lets you go, but... ''no''? Not even a shred of it in there.


    Anyway, the whole ''getting a spot in a Temple'' turned out to be a fuckton easier than I''d previously imagined, at least in part because Saffron had been doing some prep work. Because of course she had.


    We stepped to the big open area around the Temples, me in The Dress, her in Glowing Midnight. On the downside, the spot both of us remembered? Right in front of the Moon Temple.


    I hadn''t really gotten to look at the whole Temple District before. Something, something, something, rescuing my daughter, you get the deal. Anyhow, while some part of me couldn''t get over the fact that the place had been built by the labor, not to mention literal blood, sweat, and tears of tens of thousands, probably tens of millions, I had to admit, it looked really nice.


    Some of the temples weren''t really my style; one that seemed central, which Saffron totally bypassed as we walked clockwise around, reminded me a lot of Lancaster House while looking nothing like it. Something about it reeking of power, I think. We passed another one that had a positively obscene amount of gold trim, but they''d somehow gilded the lily twice and it wound up working. Some part of me deep inside was torn, deeply so. It simultaneously terrified and enthralled me. As we passed by, Saffron shot me a weird kind of smile and said, "the Temple of the Sun."


    "Huh. Can''t tell if I like it or not."


    She smiled up at me, a much more natural one this time. "You come from Darkness, love. You are Domnu''s firstborn. You predate Light, but without you it would never have become."


    "Huh. So, are we gonna do the full tour?"


    She laughed a little and said, "oh, no. Sorry, love." She pulled me to a stop and started pointing; we stood on a rise, from which we could see all seven other temples. She pointed to the one we both knew, "Temple of the Moon," then moved to the next one, which had Big Courthouse Energy. "Temple of Justice." The next one along the line reminded me so fuckin'' much of Vet''s Stadium back in Philly it scared me a little. "Temple of Storms" The next around the outside reminded me of a brothel, so it totally didn''t surprise me when she said, "Temple of ''Love''." Finally she pointed toward the one we''d been heading toward before she started her litany. "Temple of Wisdom."


    I''d been about to point at the one in the middle and ask about it when that descriptor hit me. I swear, I tried to stop, but I laughed all the way down to the entrance. Saffron walked alongside of me, chuckling her own self, although not with the utter incongruous hilarity I had. When we got there I wiped my eyes and said, "wisdom? Really?"


    "All of them have other aspects, much like gods have broad Portfolios. Even Primordials sometimes encompass a Portfolio or two within their," she cleared her throat just a little, as if to tell me she realized how bad her next words could sound if taken the wrong way, "excessively large Domains."


    I looked down at her, unable to help myself. I thought you like the size of my... Domain.


    The Grin looked like she''d brought all of her sisters to flash across Saffron''s face in an instant. It is terrifyingly large, as is only just. It destroys and recreates me each and every time I, she paused, very obviously for effect, interact with it.


    While I choked on my own spit trying not to laugh at the dude and woman walking up to us, she said, "and so Wisdom can also be seen as Bounty, as Celebration, as Home and Hearth, as Cleverness, and most certainly, to the foolish, as Trickery."


    "Really? Trickery?"


    She looked up at me, and suddenly she wasn''t there. I felt her leaning against my back. A polite yet clearly complete Stabilize tagged both of my nips and my lady bits. Fingers tugged playfully at my hair. She grabbed each of my hands in a pair of hers, leaning back to both of my sides and spinning me in a complete circle before collapsing back onto me and leave me staring down at her again. "Do you disagree?"


    "Yeah, with that kind of demonstration? I''d be a fool not to."


    The woman, who looked to be the older of the two, but not by much, cut in with, "and while Lord Loki often plays the fool, it has never been wise to think him foolish." She lay a hand on her breast, gave me a shallow, but polite bow, and said, "Saffron Rae, High Priestess of Hestia for the City of Phileo."


    I looked down at Saffron, who shrugged and said, "it''s not a totally uncommon name. It''s originally Bag, but saffron is so stupidly expensive that the Dan simply must use it."


    Saffron Rae laughed out loud at that, a clear, rich laugh that held no anger nor embarrassment. As she wiped at her eyes a little, she nodded toward the temple in the center of the other six, the one that kind of instinctively made me want to get Mimic''s full Smite on. "So, so true. Likely why it would anger them to hear it."


    I glanced at the ugly gaudy thing and said, "whose temple is that one again?"


    The guy answered. His voice had that kind of deep ringing quality that made me think of the word ''intoned''. "That, High Priestess of Loki, is the Temple of Kings." He did the same kind of bow that Saffron Rae had and said, "Raymond Papadopoulos, High Priest of Saturn to Phileo, and Priest Most High of Saturn, for my crimes."


    I smiled, mirrored their little bow, and said, "Tabitha Diaz, Priestess High set above all others of Loki. I like crimes. Crimes are good. What crimes?"


    He chuckled at that and said, "primarily the crime of continuing to worship a Titan when that is outlawed in most of Europa and Atlantis." He didn''t say anything else, but raised an eyebrow and looked at Saffron.


    She smiled, nodded, and then, to my absolute fucking amazement, curtsied. Not, like a full on knees hit the floor or anything, but the little skirt pinch along with incremental knee and neck bends. "Saffron Aetos-Diaz, Priestess Most High Above All Others of Mimic."


    Without much of a pause at all, he looked at me and said, "So it seems you like crimes quite a lot indeed. I''m afraid I''m both old and spoken for though."


    I don''t know why, but I knew he wasn''t hitting on me or really intending any kind of flirtation, just fuckin'' around verbally. "Yeah, me too. Spoken for, not old. But, like, really, really spoken for. So spoken. Much for. Very marriage. Wow."


    I realized something just then. I''m sorry, Kitten. Diaz is just kinda ingrained habit, I don''t mean to hurt you.


    Don''t worry, Goof. You don''t. Not in the slightest. You... no, not the time to talk about that, at all. Be assured that it is nothing bad, just perhaps something I''d want to speak with you about when we are both alone, singular, and not otherwise engaged.


    Well. Shit. You know I''m gonna forget.


    I won''t.


    I smiled down at her, the smile getting a little wider when I realized what I was saying. I know.


    "So, as you''ve written to us, the two of you wish to claim your portions of the Temple of Wisdom?" Saffron Rae said to Saffron.


    "Yes. I hope there won''t be any problems?"


    She shrugged. "We''d be poor choices for the Temple of Wisdom if we couldn''t work out solutions, wouldn''t we?"


    I looked down at my Saffron. "I like her."


    "Also spoken for, I''m afraid." She sounded... a little less not-regretful, if not in any way uncertain. "At any rate, how large are your congregations?"


    "Mine is still forming, but I am to officiate at a wedding tomorrow, so I thought it time to claim Mimic''s place."


    Saffron Rae nodded. "Wise." She managed to hold back her laughter to a single snerk before continuing. "Will you be needing to place any statuary, or symbols, or anything of the sort?"


    "But," Saffron said. "Hers are," she said in my voice, as me, standing on my far side. "Already," said Saffron Rae from where she leaned her back against my legs sitting on the ground in front of me. "In place," said Raymond from behind me, draping his arms around me.


    That got a bit more of a reaction from both of them, although it wasn''t as bad as I''d feared. Raymond looked like he''d just swallowed spit the wrong way, but wasn''t upset about it, and Saffron Rae just got a really calculating speculative look on her face before she said, "I would hate to make this a condition of our agreement to your inclusion, but is there any way we could arrange for you to stand in for me now and again?"


    Saffron just laughed from where she leaned against my front, pulling my arms around her. "Of course. Simply inform me beforehand if at all possible. Also, my attention and time are divided across many responsibilities, so if you''ll need me to be more than a passive stand in or decoy, I''ll need a bit more warning and might need to decline."


    "That''s more than generous." She half turned to Raymond, "I support her inclusion. And you?"


    He stood there, mouth working, like he couldn''t quite work out what to say. I almost thought maybe he was praying, but suddenly Saffron said, "make your request, Raymond. I swear to you upon my Dark Lady that no matter how base, I shall not take offense." After half a beat, she wriggled almost imperceptibly against me and continued. "I also assure you that it is, to my knowledge, nigh impossible to offend my dear Tabitha."


    He half choked at that, and his head shaking wasn''t so much as a series of twitches as he stuttered out, "no. Nope. No, no, no, I... Nope. No..."


    Right about then a sudden burst of enlightenment slammed into my brain like a goddamned meteor. I shot an image into Saffron''s brain, then thought, three, two, one, now.


    As Saffron Rae, but in our own dresses, we both looked up at him from where we clung his-elbows-in-our-cleavage tight to his arms and said, in unison, "but what about yes?"


    Saffron Rae stared at him, mouth twitching, one eyebrow slowly going up as we stood there, Raymond frozen in between us.


    After the shortest most hilarious deliberation in my recent memory, he slumped the tiniest bit, froze when he realized that was kinda dragging our dresses from ''ultra cleavage'' to ''wide open boob window'', then admitted guilt and acquiesced in what I and apparently Loki found the most hilarious way possible.


    "Ah, shit."

 Day Two Hundred And Twenty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, after months of being a ''High Priestess'' and not really doing anything that felt really, y''know, ''priestessy'', this is like my third wedding since the Solstice. I think.


    Oh, shit. I keep, like, almost recognizing things that seem, I dunno, like they really shouldn''t be here and now, but are, and I know Loki says Gods can see the world I came from, which means one of those fuckers have definitely seen that ''three weddings and a funeral'' movie. Or was it four weddings? Shit, now I can''t remember. Have I already fucked up and now we''re just waiting for the funeral? Do I have one more wedding before someone dies? If it is three, should we call the wedding off? Does it count as a wedding if they elope? Can we just scream ''this is eloping, not a wedding'' real loud and not have it count?


    Dammit, now I want to ask Loki how to see my old world. I never got to watch Hazbin Hotel past the pilot, and the trailer for that shit looked fire.


    Perhaps I can show you next time you have a free Monday to stop by and learn new things.


    Really? Cool! Thanks Boss! Wait! Shit! I think I missed a Monday somewhere in there!


    We are well past that. Be at peace, Tabitha Diaz. As you have said, we are family, and family does for one another.


    Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    Well. One crisis averted. What I really don''t get? Is why I''m nervous here. I''m already married. I''ve done a wedding already, right? I didn''t fuck that up too bad, although I''m really not sure how those two are doing at this point. They''re at Lancaster House, and that''s about all I know. Wait, wait, wait, again. Have I done one wedding or two? Shit, that''s bad. If you don''t know how many people you''ve married that''s probably bigamy, right?


    Again, why the fuck am I nervous about this?


    Other than Bonnie and Larry being, y''know, friends of mine, and if I never see that couple I married at that farmstead again, I might wonder, but I''m not gonna cry big tears for my missing friends. If shit goes sideways at Larry and Bonnie''s wedding, I''ll have them around as a reminder of how I fucked things up, and if they don''t work out in the long run, will it be my fault because I weddinged wrong?


    Deep breaths. Deep breaths.


    So. Restful night last night; we decided to wait for tonight to ruin Marie for everyone else for all eternity, since we both wanted to be restful. Like, not celibate restful, but quiet sleepy brain making nookie, not cocaine squirrel Saffron nookie, which holy god I need to finish that war so we can do that again. That''s a good reason to stop a war, right? Sure.


    At any rate, picked up the guest list like I said I would, and Bonnie''s handwriting isn''t actually ''third grader with a half eaten crayon''. She dots her ''I''s with hearts, which ought to surprise no one, but other than that, it''s perfectly legible. Okay, a little loopy and flowery, but legible.


    I wound up playing taxi this morning while Saffron organized the Temple. Turns out that both Saturn and Hestia have their big public weekly ceremonies on Saturdays, so Mondays the place is usually pretty empty, so we could shuffle things around as we liked, so long as we didn''t, y''know, leave a mess or burn the place down or something. Turns out most of the guest list was Bonnie''s family, who could walk to the Temple, Academy friends plus Lachlan, who I had to pick up from Lancaster, General Lancaster and, since three of the Inter-City Council would be there, because nobody in their right mind would not invite Mama Driver, Ophelia Orange and George Papadopoulos made the list as well. So did Papa Driver, of course. The only two people on the list who I had some problems finding a way to get to were Rowena Rider and Gary Rosen, who were the only people Larry listed as ''friends''. Loki and Sigyn, who I invited because I am absolutely gonna use them as my go-to Witnesses for as long as Loki''ll let me, and since Sigyn has zero hesitation about leading him around by the lower brain and she is the most wedding and romance addicted person I''ve ever met, I''m pretty sure that means forever, came through in the pinch and told me they''d pick up Gary and Rowena.


    So in case you''re wondering, yes, I am a fucking nervous wreck, and this is not even my fucking wedding. I''m already married, for fuck''s sake. I mean, yeah, part of me really keeps kicking the idea around in the back of my head that Saffron and I ought to both marry Marie, but I''m not sure if she really wants to, what with the whole ''being part of a Murderfuck Cult'' thing. Can Maenads even get married? Are they all married? Wait, no, I think I remember something about them being the ''brides of Dionysus''. Does that mean they''re all married? Or are they all married to him and not, like, to each other? Is D just waiting around until he thinks I''ve realized I''m fucking his wife on the regular, at which point he''s gonna whomp me with some kind of booze whammy?


    Wait, no, I remember that much, at least. Fucking a Maenad well enough that she wants to bring you home to meet dear old dad-brother-son-husband is how Maenads reproduce. Or proselytize new members for the Murderfuck Cult. While she definitely has brought me home to meet Big D, she seemed to indicate that she wasn''t yet ready to induct us. Maybe she''s got a thing for lack-of-fur? Holy shit, have Saffron and I turned the Champion God-Tier Furry of the World into a... what the fuck would you call a Furry who''s into, y''know, not Furry people. Like, not scaly people either, but people with like, normal skin. Fleshies? Are we her very own Fleshlights? Wait. No. I''d be a Fleshdark.


    Boss?


    I panicked for a second, then mentally screamed out, BOSS!


    "Yes, Tabitha?"


    I spun from where I''d been pacing in front of the altar. Which, unlike the normal ''pulpit'' kind of thing you''d see in most churches back where I''m from? Was a goddamned feasting table sized slab of marble. Like, Gordon Ramsey could host a competition cooking show using nothing but this one fucking altar as his contestants'' workspace.


    Deep breaths. I tried to raise my gaze to Loki in his Lyman suit, but ''deep breaths'' had turned into ''panting''. "I think I''m panicking. Why am I panicking?"


    Lyman walked over and put his arms around me. A moment later I got sandwiched from the other side by Sigyn, who didn''t need to shapeshift into a vaguely runty... I mean, Larry sized guy to walk around mortals and not be immediately called out. She just made quiet soothing noises while Lyman spoke. "I understand." He paused a moment. "Think, Tabitha. Have you been in front of crowds, the center of attention, since you''ve arrived here?"


    "Fucking duh. Lots. Why the fuck does this time have me panicking?"


    While Sigyn rubbed little circles on my back he said, "so, what did you do on those occasions?"


    I snorted. "Fucking duh times two. I killed the fuck out of a bunch of people. Well, sometimes just one person. Wait, the first time was at the Court Martial! I didn''t kill anyone there, just... y''know... I scared the living shit out of Trease. And maybe Hero Velazquez. Oh, fuck, I''m really not good at the whole center of attention thing, am I?"


    He chuckled. "No, Tabitha Diaz, I would say you are exceptionally good at it, but your body thinks that you need to be on your guard, so that you can, as you put it, kill the fuck out of a bunch of people. Or terrify them, as needed." He stepped away and turned, his arm around my back, facing the growing crowd. Bonnie''s got a fuckton of relatives, apparently. They were all a little tense, but it was the tense I''d seen so many times from people back home, or even people here. I got a little weirded because with so many of them? Some of them had to have, y''know, gotten hitched at some point. Then I realized. None of them had probably gotten married in a venue like this, and sure as shit none of them had gotten married to someone as rich and powerful and from a family that had basically enslaved their entire race for generations as Larry Lancaster.


    And I was up here looking nervous, like I had anything to fear from anybody at the ceremony today. Or, y''know, anybody anywhere that had anything like an attachment to existence. I pulled Lyman into a side hug and said, "thanks, dad," as I started chuckling. Already starting to full on laugh, I nodded toward one end of the altar. "I think Saffron planned to have you stand over at that end as witnesses."


    "Do you want us to stay with you?"


    I shook my head, because once I''d realized why I''d panicked, the whole reason for it kind of melted away. "Nah, I''m good now. If you guys wanna hang over there, or mingle with the guests, or whatever until Larry and Bonnie show, I''m gonna see about getting everybody a little more settled now."


    With that I turned to face the crowd, good thing, too, given who''d just entered the temple from the far end. "Hey, everybody! Thank you all for coming today!"


    Everybody who''d been milling around turned to look at me. Something bubbled up from memory, and I went with it. "Today we''re here to celebrate the wedding of Laurence Lancaster and Bonita Obol. If you''re not here for that wedding, you''re free to stay so long as you''re polite about it, but if you were here for some other event, you might want to check your day and time."


    Everybody seemed to take that as a joke, and the quiet laughter echoing through the place covered up the sound of approaching bootheels. "Normally I think we''d do something like ''groom''s guests on the right and bride''s guests on the left'', but there''s a heck of a lot of overlap, what with our Bonnie being everybody in the world''s best friend, amirite?"


    That got a real laugh, so I followed it up with, "so while we''d like it if you could leave the front row on each side clear for the parents, siblings, and similar close family from each side, those who won''t be up front here at least, feel free to sit where you like, although," I waved my arms around to indicate the whole space. The place was pretty fuckin'' big. Like, not quite ''Temple of the Moon'' ice hockey stadium big, but definitely ''mega wide screen theater'' big, "...as you can tell, we''re not really gonna fill the space, so feel free to spread out or cluster up, whatever you''re comfortable with."


    Folks drifted to seats, most of them seeming to find their preferred or designated spots just before the owner of the boots reached the rearmost populated row of seats. Honestly, I hadn''t recognized his face, and wouldn''t have recognized his outfit, and part of the grin on my face got put there when I recognized Leonard fuckin'' Lancaster entirely by the rod up his ass. I mean, the way he moved, but so much of that was that ramrod straight spine no matter what he was doing that, y''know, ''rod up the ass'' covered all of it. He hadn''t worn his ''Odin''s High Priest'' dress today. For the first time since I''d met him, I saw him in something else.


    Black boots. Black slacks. Red Jacket. Fluffy collar, perfectly placed to even Saffron''s exacting standards. I had to admit it, like him or not, the man filled out the Phileo Hero uniform really well. He strode up the center aisle, stillness flowing out like a bow wave as he moved through the crowd. He reached the front row, stopped with his heels together and his hands clasped behind him, and nodded to me. "High Priestess Diaz."


    Fuck it, I wasn''t gonna be the one fucking up Larry and Bonnie''s wedding. I couldn''t match his formal stance, not in The Dress, not without looking like a complete twat, but I could nod politely and reply, "Lord Lancaster."


    He turned, took one step, and sat down in the front most row of seats, one seat to my left of the center aisle.


    That seemed to throw some kind of social switch, as people started planting asses in seats, as well as corralling the absolute herd of kids into the back few rows, with a couple Grandmas who looked like Grandma Aetos'' bridge partners or some shit like that. Strong ''old biddy in charge'' energy from each and all of them. While all that happened, Ophelia Orange and George Papadopoulos entered the room, and the Drivers'' motioned the pair to sit next to them. Ophelia balked and sat behind Lenny, because she''s a moron and a bitch, but I had basically said ''sit where you like'', so as long as she kept her bitchy moronity to her seat choice I''d let it slide.


    Most of the Cadets from the Expedition came quick-timing it in a moment later, a double line coming down the aisle. Bill and Angel, who peeled off in the opposite direction of Lenny, one row behind the front row, which contained an older woman who bore a weird resemblance to both Bonnie and Raven. Only weird because the two didn''t look all that much alike, but somehow she looked like both of them. Funny, the row the Cadets sat in was pushed back a little bit, because both Mama and Papa Driver sat in that row, and neither of them could really fit in ''confined leg space'' seating.


    Next came Gary and Rowena. who came all the way to the front and turned to sit in the front row, just past Lenny. A little weird, maybe not quite what I''d said, but then Bonnie''s front row had a lot more than just her mom. Sisters, I think. Hard to be exactly sure, but they ranged in age from mid twenties to one barely big enough to walk.


    Fred and Linus came next, and if Fred seemed inclined to sit in the row with Angel and Bill and their dad and his mom, Carruthers surprised the living fuck out of me by nudging him into the kind of completely empty row of seats behind Lenny. I mean, fuck Lenny having backup, but Carruthers being nice enough to realize that Larry might like seeing some guys on his side was cool.


    The next arrivals didn''t come down the aisle. Saffron and, just behind her, Marie appeared next to me. Marie immediately stalked regally to the end of the altar opposite Loki and Sigyn, where she spun and stood, suddenly so motionless she might have been a Maenad statue. That''s my creepy as fuck girl. Saffron just smiled and turned to stand just to the other side of the altar''s center, close enough we could have held hands, but... I dunno, that seemed a little gauche to me.


    The next pair to enter the Temple did so from the same entrance Lenny and the Cadets had used. Lachlan, walking one step behind and to the side of his brother, wore an absolutely picture perfect Academy Uniform, but frankly he could have been stark naked and I don''t think anybody would have cared. It took me a couple seconds, but my eyes might have gotten just a little wide when I finally realized what Larry was dressed in. Way back when Saffron and I got married Raven had drawn her and I in an absolute piece of confectionary of a white wedding dress for Saffron, and a really cool black almost tuxedo for me.


    Larry was most certainly not in the confectionary. I gotta say, my man Larry looked good. Were he not, y''know, my own personal ''baseball'', I might have stared with a little bit of the drool I swear I saw from some of the younger Obol and Aetos cousins in the rows further back. His only concession to anything other than the Groom''s Tux, Slayer''s hilt dangled from his left hip. I realized right then that he wasn''t walking with his father''s ramrod straight military posture, nor his brother''s linebacker strut. He kind of flowed along the aisle, reminding me of no one quite as much as Marie in that moment. Now I was really glad he filled that ''think about grandma naked'' role for me, because The Dress doesn''t cover much, and it would be crass to straight up drip at somebody else''s wedding.


    Like what you see? Saffron thought at me.


    Pfft. As if. He''s Larry Lancaster. That''d be, like, workplace harassment layered on top of lady-boner-killer.


    If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    A throaty chuckle rubbed the back of my brain, and I had to really think about Larry to keep everything in-front-of-a-crowd-worthy. Not that I''m at all interested in him, but you will be called upon to satisfy some cravings later.


    Yes ma''am. What? He''s my nemesis, not hers. Besides, he''s sworn to me. That makes him, like, the guy who''s supposed to stand in for me if I can''t do guy things, right? Wait, no, not good to throw up in my mouth a little either. Just smile and don''t wave.


    He finally reached the front, stepped just to my side of the altar, with Lachlan right behind him. "Hey Larry?" I muttered.


    "Yes, Commander?" he replied without moving his lips.


    "I think you may be cornered but good. Say the word and your Patron will whisk you away from this."


    "Why in the name of everything I hold dear would I want to do that? Speaking of, I think she''s coming in now?"


    Larry was, sadly, entirely wrong. The female silhouette entering turned out to be the right height and even general shape, but she wore a uniform nearly as crisp as Lachlan''s. Unlike Lachlan, who had worn his sword, she carried a bouquet. A little one, to be sure, but a bouquet nonetheless. When she got closer I saw her hip wasn''t unoccupied though. She had the little case she carried her drawing supplies in attached to her waist. Nice touch. She took one stately step down the aisle at a time, then turned, stepped two steps beyond Saffron to mirror Lachlan, then froze, obviously trying not to smile.


    Because the next person down the aisle was absofuckinglugely not stately, nor did she wear her uniform quite spot on perfect. Even if her tiara and cummerbund did give it a certain flair. She carried a basket literally bigger than she was, almost seeming like she was somehow riding in it as she bounced down the aisle. Apparently someone had given her the idea that the flower girl''s duty was not to ''sprinkle petals down the aisle'', but ''carpet the aisle and two feet in both directions in flower petals, people in seats included''. A rainbow of petals went everywhere; for all her manic little kid energy, she took the job seriously, at least, looking back over her shoulder every few rows to check her work, tossing handfuls of petals at any spot not covered to her satisfaction. When she made it to the front, ensuring that at no point up to and including her spot in front of the altar would Bonnie need to step on an un-flowered patch of ground, she shoved the basket under the altar behind Saffron and pranced over to stand next to Marie. Unlike Marie, who still hadn''t moved or, as far as I could tell, breathed since she got to her place, the menace vibrated with excitement. Like, literally trembling. She managed to keep her feet still, and no part of her actually moved, but I watched as somehow every kid in those back rows slowly started vibrating at that same frequency.


    Then, and I can only assume she''d done it somehow via hang glider, and I totally didn''t want to know beyond that, a basket of petals that positively dwarfed the one she''d carried down the aisle, which had been positioned directly above the entrance at the very start of the aisle, tipped over and disgorged a positive deluge of flower petals in every color of the rainbow. Okay, more red, gray, black, and white than anything else, but still, my girl did not mess around. As very bottom of the petal cascade hit the floor, with a solid twenty feet of feet above that still covered with floating, falling petals, a silhouette appeared in the doorway. As she entered through an absolute waterfall of petals, my completely inappropriate sense of humor grabbed my vocal cords and muttered to Larry, "looks like the menace wanted to make sure she''s thoroughly re-flowered for you, champ."


    I realized, like, the very moment the fucking words left my lips how they could be taken the wrong way. I swear I''d been thinking about their enthusiastic, nay fervent near to the point of obsessive participation in conjugal activities, because at that moment? Somehow along with their bodies and souls the very history and actions of the Bastards formerly Lancaster had been utterly erased from my memory. I turned to, I dunno, apologize or something to Larry, only to see him smiling the single most joyous smile I''d ever seen on his face. Fuck, I''m not sure I''d seen that look on anybody''s face before.


    Mine, I hope, thought Saffron.


    Most definitely; Sigyn''s as well has borne that look, although you, my most Glorious Champion, were too polite to watch at that moment.


    The only person that mattered to me at that moment, though, whispered without moving his lips as fucking tears of joy slid down his face. "I have no idea how any child of yours could turn out so sweet, kind, and thoughtful, Commander, but apparently you''ve a talent with parenting."


    What the fuck else could I say? "Totally Saffron. Really."


    When she got close enough, step by step coming down the aisle as from somewhere, just on the edge of hearing, the wedding march began to play? I realized where I''d seen that dress before. In the same picture where I''d seen Larry''s suit. And holy fuckballs did she look insanely incredible in it, and the look on her face? An absolute mirror of Larry''s? Only made it better.


    I... have envy, Kitten.


    Wait, you want Bonnie now, too? I''m surprised, but she''s quite fetching, so I''ll allow it. I think you''ll have to fight Larry for her. Or share, which I''ll admit sounds less onerous than it would have an hour ago.


    I managed to avoid snerking while standing in front of the crowd. I meant the dress, you... I couldn''t even keep up the snark. I want you in that dress.


    Exactly one condition.


    I cut her off. Done.


    Without hearing the condition? she thought incredulity


    DUH-UHN. DONE.


    You''ll be wearing that suit Larry''s wearing at our renewal of vows.


    Yes! When? Yes! I really found it incredible that I kept my eyes on the woman of the hour at that point, but somehow I did.


    That is for me to know and you to find out on the day in question, as a surprise. Now look sharp, she''s almost here.


    I think it really says something that at no point did I realize that Bonnie, who carried a big ''ol bouquet, had an older dude walking next to her. Not, like ancient, but maybe in his forties or fifties. I''d say he was ''escorting her'' and ''helping her balance'', but I''m pretty sure he was leaning on her elbow rather than the other way around.


    Cadet. DuBois. Training. You know the deal.


    Her father turned to her at the end of the aisle, leaned forward to touch his forehead against hers, and whispered, "I''m so proud of you, my Bonnie daughter."


    "Thank you, Daddy." He stepped back, sat down next to her mom, I guess his wife, although they had that kind of tired acceptance of one another that I''d seen in old couples sometimes. Not dislike, or boredom, but like they''d gotten married for maybe bad reasons, and had decades of making the best of it as their biggest single common bond. His hand slipped down, and she reached down to take it. Friends at least then. Good.


    She stepped up, and Larry turned to face her as she took her place across from him. I don''t know that I saw his feet move, he just kinda pivoted in place like the floor under him was rotating, but his gaze never left her face.


    "Tears?"


    Her question had been gently teasing, but my man Larry straight up face tanked that shit without backing down. No ''single manly tear'', no ''ninjas cutting onions'', none of that weak sauce. "Tears of purest joy, for I feel nothing else looking at the vision of loveliness before me."


    Here I''d thought Bonnie couldn''t blush any more. I mean, she sure as hell blushed about as much as I did about her carnal affection for him, but that? I swear her fuckin'' dress turned a little pink from the blush underneath it.


    We stood there for another beat, and then Saffron said, quietly, "are the two of you ready?"


    When both of them nodded, Larry without his gaze moving from her eyes, Bonnie with a kind of frenetic energy, Saffron began. We''d discussed it, and both of us had seen so many weddings where the dude or chick in charge made all kinds of speeches and shit about whatever. We''d decided, as mature women and High Priestesses, ''fuck that noise'' and kept that shit concise.


    Saffron pitched her voice to carry, and asked, "We are here today to bear witness to and celebrate the joining of Laurence Lancaster, Heir Lancaster of Lancaster House, Freshman Cadet of the Phileo City Heroic Academy, to Bonita Obol, Freshman Cadet of the Phileo City Heroic Academy, in marriage." She paused, letting the echoes of her words die down, then took Bonnie''s hands in one of hers and called out in that same carrying tone, "who stands witness to the joining of these two?"


    I nodded toward Lachlan; I don''t know if he needed the cue, but he got it and ran with it. "I, Lachlan Lancaster, Master Lancaster of Lancaster House and Senior Cadet," he beamed at me and Saffron, but didn''t go off script, thankfully, "at Phileo City Heroic Academy, stand witness."


    Raven didn''t need the cue; her m¨¦tier might be visual art, but her timing was perfect. "I, Papina Aetos, Freshmen Cadet at Phileo City Heroic Academy and by the grace of all the Gods cousin of Bonita Obol, stand witness."


    My turn next. I took Larry''s hands in one of mine and called out, "who stands witness to the joining of these two?" My voice might have been a little less smooth than Saffron''s but by god everybody in the room heard it.


    The first reply wasn''t the echo of steel and trumpets I knew deep in my bones that it could be. It slowly surged through the room, filling it like warm honey, because sure as shit nobody else made a goddamned sound after she started speaking. "I, Sigyn Solsdottr, Goddess of Marital Devotion, stand witness."


    The next slipped through and around that honey, flickering coals that warmed it even further, and I think most of the guests stopped breathing at that point. "I, Loki Laufeyson, God of Hearth and Home, by my great fortune Husband of Sigyn Solsdottr, stand witness."


    Saffron, because my chick is, as noted previously, badder than yours, completely without any hesitation and somehow not in the slightest diminished by the voices that had come before, said, "Bonita Obol, do you take Laurence Lancaster as your husband, to have and to hold, to nurture according to your nature, to love and never leave, no matter the trials and tribulations, for as long as you both shall live?"


    Somehow I knew that our eager beaver would be the first one to go off script, but fuck it, her wedding, her rules. In a voice that just goddamned echoed through the room, she said, "and as long as I can hold on after death comes for him, I do and I will."


    My turn. "Laurence Lancaster, do you take Bonita Obol as your wife, to have and to hold, to nurture according to your nature, to love and never leave, no matter the trials and tribulations, for as long as you both shall live?"


    His eyes still leaking, he matched her volume while still somehow sounding as calm and certain as he had when facing down his father. Or the former Heroes Lancaster. Or Odin''s goddamned Valkyries. "For as long as she will have me, I do and I will."


    Saffron and I had thought about this, and we''d decided that fuck it, our plan was a little over the top, but it might make the day just a little more memorable. Y''know, before every fuckin'' god welcome in the room at the moment other than me decided to crank their bit up to eleven and break the knob off.


    Still pretty cool that Bonnie and Larry had managed to keep the show from being stolen.


    So Saffron and I alternated words for the official closing words of the ceremony that sealed the deal.


    "We"


    "Now"


    "Pronounce"


    "You"


    "Husband"


    "And"


    "Wife"


    Kinda funny, but with us doing it like that? instead of a single sentence, it seemed almost like a countdown. Larry sure took it as one, and by mutual unspoken decision we decided that since neither of us had detected any perceivable time between the word ''wife'' and Larry''s lips connecting with Bonnie''s, saying ''you may now kiss the bride'' seemed pretty redundant, and the whole ''place their hands in each others'' had become irrelevant when they most definitely yanked them away for some mutual grabbing.


    I guess it surprised me a little that everybody in the audience save Lenny started cheering at that point, and not, like, quiet clapping or any sedate shit like that, but the kind of thing you''d expect when the down and out pee wee league team wins the state championship or something. Absolute joyous pandemonium, and if Marie remained statuesque and Loki and Sigyn remained somewhat restrained, Isnomi made up for it, hooting and hopping and clapping and eventually charging back into the back rows to get all the kids doing some kind of coordinated cheering.


    I put on my most serious ''I''m serious now'' face and looked at the delirious couple, catching their eye the moment they came up for air, which was quite a while later. Quietly enough that I don''t think anybody beyond the two of them and maybe Lachlan and Raven heard me, I said, "So, will the two of you be making use of the altar?" and made the world''s tiniest nod toward that big empty slab of marble. Larry got a really weird look on his face, and I realized at that moment that not only had he never, y''know, been married before, obviously, he''d probably never even attended a fucking wedding before, so for all he knew fucking was, indeed, the capstone of the whole ceremony.


    Before I could even start to feel bad for him, I saw the look on Bonnie''s face, and realized that while she absolutely had obviously attended many weddings before, and thus knew that I was joking, she also realized that Larry did not know that, and was seriously contemplating engaging in her re-deflowering right goddamned then and there, to hell with waiting, and propriety, and anything else than immediate and thorough consummation of their marriage in front of Gods and everybody. Like, turned his back to the crowd, hers to the altar, and had already taken a step backward and pulled him along behind her kind of serious.


    Barely able to speak from the laughter bubbling up, I blurted out, "holy shit, Bonnie, I was kidding. I admire the fuck out of your enthusiasm, but you really wanna not do that."


    She turned the world''s most deadly serious happy eager face to me and said, "one good reason right the fuck now, Diaz."


    Shit, I couldn''t not back down at this point. I turned to the table, pointed at it with finger-guns, and with a sense of impishness said, "skidoosh," as I did the finger-guns-firing thing and stopped feeding mana to the very sophisticated Filtration Ward Saffron had set up earlier. With Loki''s help, I think, but I''m not sure, nor did I care.


    Bonnie looked where I pointed and saw that she''d almost wound up sitting in, and potentially, ah, ''reveling'' in, a big old wedding cake, the centerpiece of a feast. I mean, Temple of Bounty. I wasn''t shitting earlier about the Gordon Ramsey thing, the altar table was meant to hold feasts.


    She still looked half ready to continue with her Very Inappropriate Plan. Like I said, ''no I can''t do that'' or ''I''m gonna do that at Every Possible Opportunity'', and our girl Bonnie had chosen to fucking spring in the second direction with all her might. "Down girl. You''ve got time. A lifetime. Seriously."


    She looked at me, still with that deadly serious happy eager face, and said, "but what if someone gets rude and interrupts?"


    "Like who?"


    "Calverton?"


    I put on my serious face again, this time for reals, and said, "Bonnie Obol-Lancaster, I swear to you as your husband''s Patron, you will have until sunset on Tuesday, if I have to put every man jack in Calverton and anyone in Heaven or on Earth who tries to interrupt you in the time out corner my own fucking self."


    She paused for what was for me, since my stupid joke started this whole thing, a really uncomfortable time, then said, "okay!" Then, much quieter, she whispered, "you''ll get us home as soon as the feasting is done?"


    "It would be my pleasure. Now, uh..."


    "Yes?"


    Larry was looking a little happy-weepy again, so I hurried up and said, "there''s a kind of tradition where I''m from where the married couple cut the first slice of cake together, then feed it to one another."


    "How?"


    I shrugged. "some people do it all sweet like, and that''s supposed to symbolize gentleness and care and sharing a household or something like that, and others kinda smash it in each others faces, which I''m told is supposed to symbolize passion, but, y''know? It''s your wedding. However the hell you want, Bonnie."


    Larry chuckled, "do I get a say?"


    Bonnie turned to him, the tiniest ghost of sincerity on her face, and said, "I promise I''ll let you think you do for as long as I can." Then she turned back to me and said, "I meant I don''t see any silverware, what are we supposed to cut the cake with?"


    I swear I didn''t mean to glance at Larry''s waist. But Slayer sure as shit can cut the fuck out of a cake. None of that ''oh, it''s getting bound up in the icing'' here. With both of their hands on the hilt they sliced out a Lancaster rod approved laser precision cut perfect slice of cake from the second tier, after I told them the top tier was for their first anniversary. Then, with Slayer back on Larry''s belt, Bonnie reached up with both hands and careful as only an experienced waitress can be, managed to wiggle it free without losing any icing or breaking that perfect laser cut surface. She held it out with both hands to Larry and said, "well, go on, take it. I can''t wait to see what you think you''re going to do."


    That... boded weird. Not ill, because Bonnie didn''t seem to adore her new husband any less, but apparently I''d accidentally pushed her ''mischief'' slider all the way up. When Larry, as careful as I''ve ever seen him, reached out, took the cake with one hand, and put the other around her waist to hold her up as she opened her mouth and closed her eyes, Moving ever so gently, he drifted the cake forward until it barely touched her lips.


    I hadn''t been watching her hands, since she''d lowered them below her waist the moment Larry took the cake from her, but whatever she did at that moment made Larry''s eyes and mouth pop open like he''d been goosed. She lunged forward, grabbing the cake slice in her mouth, and really I''m fucking impressed not with how much of a mess she made of both of their faces, but how much cake seemed to wind up jammed into their mutual mouths. By the time she came up for air there was none left inside their cheeks, and she proved that she gave absolutely zero shits about what anyone thought about her very obvious and public lustful infatuation with her husband as she first licked every bit of cake and frosting off of his face, then, her hands clasped behind his waist much as his were behind hers, leaned back and said, "Lachlan, Raven, please see to making sure everyone gets cake?"


    Lachlan muttered, "sure" and pulled his sword out to start turning the rest of the cake into reasonable portions.


    Raven got a snerky look and said, "why am I doing that again with your cake?"


    Bonnie didn''t even look at her cousin as she gently but firmly tugged Larry away from the feast table. She just said, "oh, dear. Larry, I seem to have gotten all messy. Cake and frosting everywhere." Then, her voice dropping to a register I didn''t know she had, she whispered with just the right kind of hoarse in her voice, "Clean me up please, Husband?" I noticed right then that not only had she clamped her arms outside of his, definitely preventing him from using his hands to do anything but maybe get a good solid grip on her posterior, but somehow the big frosting rose right in the middle of the slice of cake? Had wound up right smack in the middle of her cleavage. She''d chosen not to consummate things right there on the altar in the Temple, but by god she wasn''t leaving anyone any question that they absolutely would be the moment they got home.


    Woman after my own heart, really. So proud.


    Equally proud of Larry. I''d been worried that somehow this first ''real'' wedding ceremony I was performing might wind up with a marriage that didn''t work out. But given how much care, dignity, and above all thoroughness he completed the first chore his wife had assigned him?


    I''m pretty sure they''re gonna be fine.

 Day Two Hundred And Twenty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    Sometimes it''s okay to be overwhelmed, just a little bit.


    I mean, shit, my last week has been a bit of a roller coaster ride. First I think I''m finally getting a handle on the shit going on in Lancaster. Enough that I can get some Co-Located Family time in, including the menace''s birthday, where that roller coaster metaphor gets way too literal for actual comfort, what with Conrad providing a way for her to auto-yeet into the wild blue yonder. Then that handle I thought I had on Lancaster? Some pieces of shit in human form rip it off and stuff it up my ass. Shit, worse than that, really, they shove it up my friend''s ass. Then, having lost my good grip handle on reality, let alone Lancaster, I seriously contemplated pressing the big red ''do not press'' button for reality. Then, almost like I''d subconsciously stretched the fabric of reality down into ''ultimate shitification'' levels like a slingshot, Larry steamrolled his dad, Saffron and I got officially recognized by the Temple of fucking Wisdom as High Priestesses of that Temple, and I got to officiate over the season''s biggest royal wedding, which is pretty fuckin'' Baller for a town that doesn''t have actual royalty if you ask me.


    I mean, I didn''t even fuck all that up? How did I not fuck any of that up? Shit, I still feel some kinda bad way about what happened to Bonnie, because I wasn''t there to stop it, but I managed to fix the physical damage, and the woman herself seems to be doing a bang up job of recovering from the rest.


    Heh. Bang up, down, sideways, I think Larry''s gonna need some Male Enhancement Drugs at some point, not due to any disability on his part, but purely because as part of her recovery she''d settled on that whole ''I had a traumatic experience with this, I will now carpet bomb that memory into non-existence by inundating my brain with good experiences with the same thing''. Weird part for me? While truth be told I don''t think he''s actually gonna need any stamina enhancement after duBois'' months of training, not to mention being not half bad physical material, what with his father and brother so obviously being genetic relations? Yeah, I think if he did? He might actually have just enough humility to ask somebody for help somehow. I mean, I don''t think either of them would go for the ''hey, bang my wife for me for a while'', for multiple reasons, but ''hey, can you maybe hit me with a magical Viagra whammy'', or ''get her to sleep for eight contiguous hours so I can do the same'' or something. I can totally see him asking for one of those.


    Oh, shit. If he does need help? Not only ''oh, shit, he''s gonna ask me'', but ''oh, shit, it''s my fuckin'' job as his Patron to help him''.


    Okay, I''m not gonna even go there right now, because I''m sure if he asks me, I can figure something out. Or, more realistically, ask Saffron to help me figure something out. Or, and I''m facepalming extra hard right now, maybe ask my paramour, Champion of the God of Revels, with Revels most frequently defined as ''drunken sex'', if she knows any tricks that can be applied to mortals who don''t want to be dismembered.


    Of course, there''s a reason I''ve got that kind of thing on the brain right now, because while ''not much happened'' since the wedding, the ''not much'' that did happen all falls into the same broad category of ''brain fully functional adult romping'', which, let''s be clear, is awesome, but is also clearly not my go to. Really, truly! How often does my brain function fully, really? I know the odds of any given event happening while I''m engaged in adult fun time is pretty good due to my proclivities in that direction, but thinking? Like, actual careful consideration of the world, how it works, my place in it, and the repercussions of my current actions? Fuck no. The closest I get, and I guess my own Diary is the biggest single target for my ''not thinking but looks like it if you close one eye and squint'', is when I shut my mouth and redirect the constant stream of random fucking chatter toward the inside of my skull like some kind of abstract metaphoric mental power washer.


    So yeah, I was absolutely as good as my word. The moment Larry made a kind of ''this has been the happiest day of my life, but doesn''t that look the tiniest bit like dusk?'' face, I stepped over to him and Bonnie, who hadn''t been outside arm''s reach of him since they said their vows. Just in case you''re wondering, I hadn''t really been watching Bonnie, not because it''s not her special day or something dumb like that, but because she had already made her position crystal fucking clear to me. Enough that I''d also done a little Co-Located preparatory work.


    I laid my hands on their shoulders, raised my voice to carry to the room at large, and said, "okay, everyone, we''ve got the Temple for the day, so the party can go on until sunset if you''re willing to pitch in with cleanup, it''s just about time for me to take these two lovebirds back home. So if you want to say ''congratulations'', you''ve got three, two, one..."


    As I said ''one'', everybody in the room screamed out, "Congratulations!" Before the word even quite completed echoing through the Temple, I stepped the two of them right outside the Lancaster House doors, which stood open.


    I''m not talking about the little sally port in the one door, either, but the big two story fuckers. They must have been burning hella wood, or maybe Mana all day, because we arrived a good five feet beyond the open doors, and despite it being the middle of winter a constant flow of warm air blew from the doors, enough that the pavers were dry. There had to be at least a hundred people in two lines forming a corridor from outside the doors to the base of the stairs inside. The moment we arrived, every single one of them bowed, knelt, or, and this was new and weird, if not bad, curtsied to the happy couple. Oscar, who seemed to be, if not ''the'' head servant, was at least close enough to be the guy leading things to be the ''caller'' for the ''call and repeat'' that echoed through the courtyard and four-story entryway of Lancaster House.


    "Congratulations, Heir Lancaster! Congratulations, Heir-Consort Lancaster! Welcome Home!"


    Before I lifted my hand from their shoulders, I said, "where I''m from, it''s an old tradition for the Groom to carry his Bride across the threshold of their first home together."


    Larry didn''t need any more prompting than that. Careful not to damage her dress, he swept Bonnie up into a princess carry. Appropriate in this case, since the Lancasters had to be the closest thing to royalty Phileo had.


    Of course Bonnie, who had blushed and lifted one hand to cover her mouth when the servants did their little welcoming vignette, leaned in and quietly, but by no means secretly, said, "quickly, please, Husband."


    Y''know, I know I''ve said it before, that Larry has some quickness in him, but I didn''t realize exactly how much until just then. Moving with the speed of some kinda mongoose cheetah hybrid he sprinted for the stairs, then straight up them. I don''t think his feet hit more than about a third of them. Bonnie''s joyous laughter echoed through the entryway even as it dopplered away.


    I stepped over to Oscar and said, "well done! I hadn''t thought about the whole greeting thing, but, nice. Classy, but definitely supportive. Thanks."


    He just did that little nod-bow thing he did when Larry told him to do shit, which I definitely took as a sign of respect. For the head of staff for a family as class conscious as the Lancasters had been for so long? Giving me that same nod-bow thing they gave to the House''s Heir was a pretty big thing. "Per your instructions, the Heir''s rooms have a warm bath already drawn, food for two for three days in warming trays, including a wide selection of desserts, and I have taken the liberty of stationing a few boys outside their rooms as runners, should they have any unforeseen needs."


    "Dayum, Oscar. Good job. Top shelf, man. Top shelf." I nodded to him, and he swelled up just a little. "I''d love to stay and chat, but I gotta get going. I''ll be dropping the other Cadets off before nightfall; if you need anybody to sign off on something Lachlan will be here then."


    "Very good, ma''am." Another little nod-bow, and I stepped back to the party.


    When I got back I immediately noticed that Sigyn and Loki had left. Before I could even ask, inside my head I heard, things are winding down, to some degree, and I suspect those things which might wind upwards from this point forward might have been hampered by our presence. I also took the liberty of returning Gary Rosen and Rowena Rider to their homes.


    Even half a moment''s thought made me realize that while the troops they''d had with them would have to fend for themselves for a bit, putting Gary and Rowena directly at their family''s seats of power would let them start their Houses making Good Choices about the Plague, not to mention getting any spare Volunteers headed toward Lancaster House to help deal with Calverton''s inevitable response to the shits formerly known as Lancasters. Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    Saffron came over to me and held out her arms. "Would you care to dance?"


    Nobody had what I''d call a proper instrument, but a couple of the Aetoses and Obols had mouth harps and harmonicas, and more than a few of them had little charm bracelets with literal bells on. Between about half a dozen of them, they''d started some kind of peppy party jig, and a few of the older couples and a lot of the younger ones had started using the clear space near the table as a dance floor. The fact that George had joined in the dancing didn''t really surprise me in the slightest, nor did Mama and Papa Driver. Couldn''t say the same about Leonard, who stepped across the dance floor doing a Tango variant with Ophelia.


    Stolen story; please report.


    I held out my arms to Saffron, and, as she slid into them, replied, "I''d love to."


    After a while with the two of us dancing together, we pulled Marie onto the floor, where she proved to be really good at dancing. Champion of the God of Revels, so... duh. After that Isnomi sprinted up, and we got a lot more energetic with our dancing at that point, if a lot less intimate. A swarm of kids followed her onto the floor, dancing with absolutely no skills buoyed up by boundless enthusiasm. Fortunately, even our little menace''s endurance proved less than boundless, and less than an hour later she, along with all but a few kids who stumbled around the floor half-asleep, had snuggled up to sleep in Marie''s arms. Adorable watching Marie half buried under a pile of kids right in the middle of the floor.


    "Okay, folks. Saffron and I need to be getting our guests with longer trips home about now. Thank you all for coming to celebrate with us!"


    With that, I gathered up Angel, Bill, Fred, Lachlan, Linus, and Raven, then stepped us all back to the entryway of Lancaster House. The staff had closed the big doors and turned the lights down, so instead of saying anything I just nodded and stepped back.


    I arrived just before Saffron returned from her delivery of George, Leonard, and Ophelia back to Newark. The last few parents were collecting their kids from the Maenad centered pile, so we walked over, put our hands on her shoulders, then stepped back to our suite. Saffron lifted Isnomi and carried her to bed while I helped Marie to her feet and led her to the other room. When we stood beside the bed, I took both of her hands, looked up at her and said, "I... we had a surprise for you."


    She just raised an eyebrow. Saffron closed the joining door quietly and stepped up as well. "Our Tabitha came up with a novel revel, and we''d like to share it with you. But to really get the full effect, it requires complete," her voice got a little rough on the next word, her purring adding a stunningly erotic tone, "submission. On your part. Which I, as much as Tabitha, would never demand of you, ever. But for this, we''d both ask it of you, but only if you truly want to."


    Her gaze slid from me to Saffron and back, then she stepped toward the door. Before I could even feel the slightest disappointment, she undressed. One article of clothing at a time, entirely unhurried, folding each item and placing it carefully atop her cart. No musical accompaniment, no dancing, but she disrobed with such care, precision, and grace that it was absolutely stripping for us. She walked back over to us, gently touching us on our shoulders to guide us to stand to either side of the foot of the bed, then sat down on it as primly as she''d ever done. Then, somehow maintaining eye contact with each of us, she languidly spread her legs until each of her ankles lay next to one of the bed''s feet. Sometimes I forget how goddamned tall she is, and what that means about the length of her limbs, especially her feet. Still maintaining eye contact, she stretched her arms above her head, intertwining her arms and hands in barely inhuman ways that I knew I couldn''t do. She tipped backward, still in complete control over her body, until her knuckles brushed against the headboard. The moment the back of her head hit the bed, the whole room vibrated with her subsonic purr, and she said, "Please."


    After watching that, I''d half forgotten the question that had started it, but a sudden breeze as Saffron disappeared our dresses to their spots on our altar reminded me.


    Turns out a Maenad has a lot of Endurance. Even more self-control. Also, at least personally, Marie likes those padded ropes we''d stockpiled so many of for baby-proofing the room way more than Saffron or I do. We''ll need to pick some more of those up. It takes at least three of them to not snap like taffy when Marie decides to let that self-control go.


    The thing that had me smirking, then chuckling, then outright laughing like an evil madwoman, thanking the soundproofing for keeping the rest of the Academy from realizing that I have yet another of the qualifications for being the Big Bad Evil Girl? Even though I still maintain that if I''m really looking for one I''m the Bitch in our relationship, for this in particular I wind up playing the part of electro-dommy-mommy. Way funner than I thought it would be. Probably didn''t hurt that on top of that whole ''worship, it''s a hell of a drug'' thing, Maenads were literally created to do just that, in exactly this fashion. My man D knows his intoxicants. Shouldn''t be surprising at all, really.


    So when a message came from the Temple of Wisdom that Saffron Rae would like to speak with us and had invited the two of us for lunch at her townhouse, Saffron and I got a little bit irked at being interrupted until Marie pulled the blackout curtains open to show that we had, in fact, missed breakfast.


    When we got there, she had a nice little polite lunch laid out. Tea and dumplings. Bite sized ones, but really dense and rich. I wasn''t really hungry at the moment, and she''d only put four in front of each of us, so I savored them and discovered that not only was each one filled differently, the fillings themselves had a heterogeneity of filling that made each one-dumpling bite a bit of a culinary adventure.


    When we''d finished, Saffron Rae let out a little contented sigh, then smiled at us and said, "High Priestess Aetos-Diaz, High Priestess Diaz, it turns out I''ve a request for the two of you already. A personal one, so I can''t in good conscience offer compensation or a return favor from the Temple or Hestia, but I certainly offer to return an equivalent personal favor at some point in the future."


    Then she laid out her plan.


    Half an hour later I sat on the side of a mattress in a dim bedroom. Naked, if wearing somebody else''s body didn''t count. Why am I the one doing this again?


    Because I am, without doubt, the less jealous of us by nature, love.


    I raised an eyebrow. You''re telling me you''re not getting off on this?


    She snorted. That wouldn''t help us complete the favor Saffron Rae has asked of us.


    At that moment the bedroom door opened, and Raymond stepped in, blinking a little in the dimness. I held out my arms and, in Saffron Rae''s voice, said, "come to me, love."


    Without taking his eyes off me, he slid the light open, his smile growing with the light. "Well, I can''t say I expected this, but it''s most welcome, dear." With that he stepped over to me, surprising me when he pulled me upright rather than sitting down next to me or just pushing me back and covering me. I mean, don''t get me wrong, my ass was getting a thorough fondling and I now knew that Raymond liked garlic and pepper and had a subtle earthy scent.


    I wasn''t upset exactly, but definitely started feeling some kind of way about my lady bits making their positive impression of Raymond known. The some kind of way got a little worse and the other got a lot better when Saffron''s voice filled my head with, oh, my, yes, this is exactly as good as I thought it would be.


    Oh, but you''re not getting off on it.


    That got me a mental giggle followed by, as I said, that would be inappropriate. You''ll have to take care of that later.


    Oh... No... Anyway.


    With that the room filled with Saffron Rae''s chuckle. When he pulled back from our kiss, he trembled slightly as he turned to look at Saffron Rae and Saffron Rae, each standing just inside the doorway wearing just as much as I was. I slipped away from him and took my place beside the other two, and the Saffron Rae on the other side of the middle Saffron Rae and I got a little creative with our part of the favor, which just made her smile as she stared at her husband.


    For his part, he had the weirdest combination of utter terror and ''kid in a candy store'' anticipation I''d ever seen on a man''s face. "Now?"


    She didn''t ''shake'' her head so much as slowly twist it back and forth. "No."


    His face fell entirely into shamed dejection. "Oh. I''m sorry, love."


    "Don''t be. I''m not upset in the slightest."


    He looked up. "No?"


    "No. Had I thought that you wanted another, especially someone younger and prettier," he opened his mouth and her hand shot up before he spoke. "They are both, Saffron Aetos-Diaz especially, prettier than me, at least in part because they are younger. At any rate, had I thought you wanted another, I would have been disappointed, but not angry or sad. Had you wanted to leave me behind for one or both of them, I would have been hurt, and angry, and sad. But that''s not what you wanted, was it?"


    His head shook convulsively. "No, I would never..."


    Her hand shot up again, and he cut himself off mid-sentence. "Silly man, don''t try to say you won''t fail at a challenge before you''ve even examined the details. Now, because Saffron and Tabitha have busy schedules, I will tell you what you need to know. Are you listening?"


    He chuckled a little and rolled his eyes, but made clear that he wore a rueful grin at his own foolishness and impulses, not at anything she''d done. "As much as I can be in this situation."


    "Good. Then I will tell you now, and possibly never again," she leaned forward, and I admired her self control nearly as much as his, because Saffron and I had both gotten a little more creative and a lot more daring than I thought I would. "You will never know. Ever. From this point forward, until we meet in the afterlife where such a thing might not be possible, you will never,"


    I took my cue and said, "ever," in Saffron Rae''s voice.


    "Know," said the Saffron Rae I''d been getting quietly creative and distracting with.


    "Even when you know one of me couldn''t possibly be."


    I realized something then, and now that I really got her plan viscerally in a way I hadn''t before, I Co-Located around the room and managed to completely ignore the feedback as a dozen Saffron Raes simultaneously said, "or maybe we all could be." Before I could step us all back to the dressing room, she finished up with, "but know this; if I am here with you? As many as that may or may not be? It will be because I wish to be here with you, for you. So if you see me? One or a multitude? It is me. Do you understand?"


    At his wide-eyed nod I stepped all three of us to her dressing room.


    "I hope I didn''t screw that up too bad." I said, as myself, to Saffron Rae, as I slipped my hand into Saffron''s. No Rae needed.


    "Oh, no, that was brilliant; I hadn''t really thought about that as an option." She paused a moment in thought, then sighed. "Not really a Boon Hestia could grant, sadly."


    I shrugged. "Did you want it though?"


    She stared at me, a little shocked. "I would never presume."


    "Nah, not a big deal." After a moment''s concentration I said, "It''s yours. Just remember, it''s a little Mana-spendy, you can only really focus on one of you at a time, and the feedback can be a real bitch, even after you get used to it." After a second I added, "you might not really need us from now on, but if you think of anything else we can do for you, feel free to ask."


    Saffron chuckled, "she does indeed mean anything, too. I''ve yet to find anything of the sort that would really offend my beloved Goof. So, if you''ve no further need of us today?"


    Saffron Rae, still looking a little poleaxed, shook her head. "Thank you."


    Is it weird that I felt smug in particular about giving not one but two High Clergy of Wisdom brain reboots in one day?

 Day Two Hundred And Twenty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    I know that my beloved wife Saffron means well and is probably correct when she tells me I shouldn''t call myself a dumbass, but it''s also important to be truthful when self-reflecting, or so I''ve been told.


    And sometimes my ass? Despite no longer being flabby, yet still being a hell of an ass due to my surprisingly impressive glutes? Is capable of impressive, even incredible dumbness.


    This one in particular required like two minor leaps of logic to get from ''what I knew'' to ''what I should have known'', but the word ''leap'' in that phrase? Really ought to be ''step''. Possibly even ''stumble''. Maybe ''my logic foot accidentally stepped there when I shifted my logic feet''.


    So after helping Saffron Rae out by dangling ourselves in front of her husband like super sus Saffron Rae shaped hunks of meat, which wound up feeling like the world''s weirdest combination of ''super niche-specific kinky hot as fuck'' and ''surprisingly thoughtful and sweet'', Saffron and I headed back to our new spots at the Academy to sleep for the night. We both knew this was likely to be our last night sleeping in the same bed without messing about with Translocation, we definitely messed around with a lot of Co-Location coupling and maybe a little bit of Shapeshifting shenanigans. Saffron Rae and her hubby Raymond are kinda hot in a well kept middle aged kind of way. Weird that I''m finally seeing the appeal of adult fun time cosplay than I ever did back in the world where, y''know, cosplay existed. I think my friend Illy''s head might explode if I told her my wife and I could now perform a full yaoi scene with just the two of us. She''d sure as shit rupture something if we showed her. Marie joined in at the beginning and end of our debauchery; the former because she''s literally built to enjoy doing that kind of shit, the latter because somebody had to get Saffron and I to settle down and get our asses some sleep. Even if we technically might not need it for physiological reasons, Saffron and Marie definitely needed it for psychological ones.


    Okay, yeah, I probably did too. Even if my consciousness or mind or whatever spends every moment from falling asleep to waking up wandering Mimic''s psyche, it still feels like a dream, so I guess it still does the same ''down time'' shit for my psychology that it does for normal people. Or maybe it doesn''t, and I''m slowly sliding into madness, which would really suck, mostly because I might hurt someone I cared about without knowing. Fuck on a stick, duBois is right. I have a knack for wrecking people''s shit, and it extends to my own goddamned peace of mind. Anyway, last night''s Mimic Dream was all over the fuckin'' place. A bit more looking at the whatever-the-game-is not-tic-tac-toe board, some of what seemed almost literal navel gazing in the dark, and a bit of six distinct flavors of psychedelic tadpole right in said navel, which was new and not bad, but weirder than normal.


    Got up, got dressed in my uniform, and since the menace was still in her room with the adjoining door closed had some unidirectional adult fun putting Glowing Midnight on Saffron. Okay, that''s not quite true, because once Marie saw what I was doing she joined in, but I''m not sure what you''d call two people starting with a naked person and ending up with a fully dressed post-orgasmic person. Other than, y''know, ''hot as fuck'' and ''little bit weird'', which really fits as a description for most kinks, doesn''t it?


    We headed out before breakfast, each to our duties, which after the past couple days was more ''have a good day at work honey'' the slightest bit bitter while mostly sweet than anything else. I couldn''t even feel some kind of way about the food; I knew Saffron would get Drivers'', Isnomi would get whatever she convinced Marie to cook for her, and for all I knew Marie got the same kind of Divinely-Inspired-satisfaction from cooking for loved ones that she got from hardcore sex. I got Lancaster House waffles, which really tells you something about the quality of Lancaster House waffles, that I couldn''t really count myself as the ''loser'' when placed against Drivers'' cream filled crepes and Marie popping off while making, y''know, anything, what with her ability to turn random bullshit into haute cuisine.


    Breakfast in the dining room at Lancaster House, with me seated just to Bonnie''s left, was a little weird, but entirely funny endearing weird.


    "I do actually have two functional hands now, love, and I''m a big girl. I can cut my food and feed myself, both." She cut up her waffles with comically exaggerated gestures to demonstrate.


    I''m not sure when it happened, but at some point in the past couple weeks? Maybe even the past couple days? My man Larry had straight up left fear and anything related to it, like ''embarrassment'', in the ditch on the side of the road like an old tattered set of briefs. "I''m well aware of both of your hands and how skilled you are with them, sweet Bonnie. I just enjoy feeding you."


    Bonnie might or might not be the Girl Without Fear, but she sure as shit gave no fucks when it came to other people''s opinions about her feelings about Larry. She smirked, said, "you just enjoy putting things in my mouth," then opened wide and said, "aaaaah."


    He speared a three tall stack of waffle squares on a fork, slid it between her lips, and said, "that as well, yes."


    A waffle or so later, Larry quietly said, "fuck."


    "Right here? Okay." She reached to push her chair back, but stopped with a smile when Larry shook his head laughing.


    "No, love. I''m mildly surprised that I could seemingly lose the knack for eating syrup covered food without getting my hands or anything else sticky in under two days." He''d set his fork down and held up his right hand, which had a thin rope of shining syrup stuck to the side.


    Bonnie, for her part, slid her chair forward again, grabbed his hand, and said, "not surprised at all. I didn''t mean for it to happen, but I think I rewarded you being sloppy a bit more than either of us realized." She then demonstrated exactly how few shits she gave about that by licking the side of his hand where the syrup had been.


    He laughed, a thing made out of equal parts amused frustration and open affection. "I appreciate your efforts, love, but I''m afraid your tongue is no less sticky than my hand at the moment." He leaned back and looked to the side. "Oscar?"


    A moment or two later one of the butler guys stepped to Larry''s side holding out a gently steaming washcloth. Larry took it in his free hand, grabbed the sides of Bonnie''s chin with his sticky-sided hand, then gently but firmly wiped her face clean while her eyes sparkled with mischief. While he shook his head affectionately and wiped his sticky hand clean, he said, "it seems we''ve both picked up some sloppy habits recently."


    "Or what you were just doing brings back pleasant memories of the past few days. Any complaints?"


    "None at all, love. But we really do have work to do today, and that means we ought finish breakfast."


    Overall breakfast was fun. I think most of us lost at least one bite to Bonnie and Larry''s ongoing back and forth. I sure as shit wasn''t intending to interrupt the show with boring shop talk. I saved all that shit for the end.


    Midway through breakfast, Lachlan tried to feed Raven, who sat across from me, a sausage on a fork. She shut him down with the coldest look I''d ever seen someone give a person they didn''t intend to kill in the next scene, so since neither of them pushed it past that, I back burnered it until after breakfast. When everybody''d hit the filling in the corners stage, I set my fork down and cleared my throat. "Okay, guys. The last couple of days have been fun, but just like Larry said, we''ve all got work to do. Before I take Angel, Bill, Fred, and Linus back to their units to keep up the sweep and clean and picket, I''d like all ten of us here, plus Lachlan, to inventory what we''ve got in terms of supplies, both here and in all the farmsteads we''ve touched base with so far. We need a list of manpower, skills, equipment, and supplies, so we can make sure nobody starves over the winter, that any perishable food gets eaten before it perishes, that we aren''t shitting in our own cereal when we send something to one of the farmsteads that needs it, and that all our troops have everything they need to stop Calverton when it comes."


    The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.


    Bill perked up a little at that. "Don''t you mean if?"


    I shook my head, realizing not everyone here knew the full tally of the dickwads formerly known as Lancaster''s crimes. "Larry''s former cousins, instead of scouting, decided to see how many war crimes and assorted unforgivable atrocities they could perform before they headed back here to do the same."


    Carruthers looked confused. "Former cousins?"


    Larry fielded that question by answering, "they committed unforgivable acts. I executed them."


    Carruthers, lovable idiot he is, asked, "doesn''t that leave us kinda short of Heroes?"


    Larry''s brows started to draw down, then he shook his head, realizing that Carruthers wasn''t being deliberately dense. Dense as fuck yeah, but that''s just Carruthers. He slowly repeated, stressing the first word, "I executed them. Mostly all at the same time. Alistair was earlier, and Charles ran away until the Commander caught him."


    That got a few wide eyes from those that hadn''t been privy to those details previously. Then Carruthers cut in again. "But, there''s only one of you. Yeah, I get it, you can kill Heroes, but what if they come at us from more than one direction at a time?" Still kind of reeling from the shock of listening to Carruthers making a valid logical point, I cleared my throat, only to have him say, "okay, but two is still way less than eight. What about three ways?" While that phrasing had some of us at the table having to choke back laughter, it was nice to have Carruthers reassure us that he was still, along with ''broad of shoulder'' and ''pure of heart'', ''dumb of ass''.


    Not unlike myself, but I''m getting there. Because right at that moment I think the brain cell that had been orbiting in Carruthers'' skull did some kind of orbital slingshot maneuver and hammered into my own brain. "Senior Cadet Laurence Lachlan!"


    "Yes, Commander?"


    "You are hereby requested and required to accept promotion to the status of Hero, effective immediately, any previously accepted orders still in force."


    "Yes, Commander!" His voice echoed through the dining room in a way it hadn''t a moment before, and I knew that the little gamble I''d just taken had paid off. Lachlan radiated a sense of presence that I hadn''t felt from him since before he died, and even there whatever mojo being a ''Hero'' gave him was clearly more than whatever ''Heir'' had.


    I blinked at the sudden reminder that, here and now? Titles Meant Something.


    "Unfortunately for us, I don''t think any of the rest of us have completed training, so we''re not Senior Cadets."


    While everybody else was still frantically pondering what I''d just done, Carruthers, for whom ''ponder'' was a strange, arcane activity taken by the not-dumb-of-ass, shrugged and said, "three is a lot closer to half of eight than two is, I think."


    Without anybody asking him, Oscar broke out a bottle of fizzy wine, and had it open before Larry could put his foot down, not to kill the celebration or even the alcohol, but to all of us sharing the one bottle, since none of us could really afford to get drunk at breakfast today. Still tacked about half hour onto breakfast between the congratulations and Lachlan showing off just a little by doing shit like lifting Bill and Linus at the same time in their chairs, one in each hand. As we broke up to go about our day I said, "Larry, coordinate everything if you would? Hero Lancaster, Cadet Aetos, please stay, I need to speak with you."


    When everybody else cleared off, I looked at the two and sighed. "Okay, Lachlan, I get that you meant the whole sausage thing as a well-intentioned joke, but you need to realize, especially with your new Hero status, that you could totally push somebody into doing shit they didn''t want to."


    He sighed, closed his eyes, and nodded. "I apologize, Commander." He half turned to Raven. "I apologize Raven. Cadet Aetos."


    Before I could say anything, Raven shook her head a little and said, "Raven''s fine, Lachlan."


    When he opened his eyes he had nearly as much confusion in them as he or Carruthers ever had. "Then what... I don''t... But we..."


    I cut him off, not ungently, saying, "Raven? Since I''m not sure I have all the details, could you do me a favor and explain it to him?"


    She shrugged. "Sure, Commander." She turned to face him, clearly buoyed past any intimidation factor he might have by being twice her size and a Hero to boot by the fact that I was pretty clearly supporting her in this. "I was horny as fuck last night, you''re not ugly, and you seemed pretty ready to go yourself. But you''re really not my type, so barring some kind of similar situation, which I don''t foresee, it was a one time thing, okay?"


    "I''m not your..." he trailed off, and Raven looked at me. We shared a moment of wordless communion regarding the nature of attractive men before both of us snorted out a laugh. Lachlan pulled himself back, but he did so with a slow headshake and self-effacing grin. "I hope you''ll let me know if you change your mind, for another one time or otherwise. Last night was fun."


    She smirked up at him and replied, "I didn''t say it wasn''t, but like I said, you''re really not the kind of guy I could see looking down at every night for the rest of my life, okay?"


    He nodded, shrugged, and held out a hand. "I apologize for any offense given. Friends?"


    She reached up, her hand absolutely engulfed in his. "Apology accepted, you''re forgiven, and yeah, Friends. No benefits though, got it?"


    He chuckled, shrugged, and after letting go of her hand and taking a step back so he was clearly outside of her personal space, said, "hey, a guy can dream, can''t he?"


    "Okay, you two. Off to work. Both of you let me know if you think you need me to intervene again, or if you see anything similar going on that you can''t clear up yourself, right?"


    "Yes, Ma''am!" They both saluted and walked off, following the rest of the Cadets.


    Right as I started to push myself back from the table, Saffron''s thought reached me. Love, do you have time to speak with General Lancaster for a moment?


    I pushed myself to my feet in the command building, standing behind Saffron''s chair. "Sure." I looked at the General, who nodded. "What did you need to speak with me about, General?"


    He waved me over to a corner of the room away from the main table. "Nothing that ought impede the Council''s progress on their current tasks." When we both stood at a distance where a reasonable speaking voice wouldn''t interrupt conversation at the table. "First, I wanted to thank you, both for your efforts on behalf of Lancaster House in general, and for whatever you have done to bring my son to his current state. I''d previously feared for the future of House Lancaster, and I no longer do. I may not agree with you, your methods, his changes, or his choices, but I no longer fear for the future of my House in the slightest."


    I blinked a little. "Wow. Thanks, General. I mean, you''re welcome, I was just doin'' the right thing as I saw it at the time. Just doin'' my job, y''know?"


    His mouth quirked for a moment as he said, "one of the few points you and I will likely ever agree completely on; doing one''s duties as we see them to the best of our ability." The smile vanished, he sighed and said, "although I believe in this case I may have made assumptions regarding yourself and your relationship with your Deity that both made your task harder and your successes all the more impressive."


    He didn''t sound like he meant to insult me. Like, not even ''backhanded compliment'' insult. He sounded like he really meant that he''d fucked up with his assessment of me. "What assumption?"


    "I expected that given your apparent closeness with Loki, he would have given you the Boon of Farsight."


    My face scrunched up as I thought about what he''d said. "You mean Scrying?"


    Without a pause, he replied, "scrying is a Mortal Magical art, but from what I''m given to understand it mirrors the Boon of Farsight closely enough that the two are easily mistaken for one another. The only real difference would be the source of skill and power; Scrying is, as noted, a specialized form of Mana Shaping, whereas Farsight is granted by a Deity."


    I shrugged and said, "cool. Good to know. Loki hasn''t Booned me Farsight, but he''s been teaching me some Scrying. Kind of how I knew almost-but-actually-a-second-too-late-but-not-really that that thing," I nodded toward the big old hunk of rock in the room, "was about to squish Saffron and the rest of the diplomatic party."


    He looked a little confused, a weird look on him to be sure, and said, "I thought I''d heard you mention something of the sort. Are you not far enough along in your studies to use the Scrying Room in Lancaster House?"


    That caught me off guard, as you might imagine. "Scrying room?"


    "Ground floor, underneath the dining room, pictures of Lancaster House and all the farmsteads and villages under our protection on the floor?"


    My face kinda slid into ''fuck'' with a side of ''really?''. "The Map room?"


    He laughed, "I would hardly call that a ''map''. It''s barely a suggestion of a ''map''. But the pictures?"


    "Yeah?"


    "Not only as accurate as can be done with the world''s finest artisan artists and no lack of funding, but also created with, I am told, materials taken from the farmsteads and villages themselves."


    As my palm unerringly sought my face, I muttered, "shit. Thanks for the info, General, but I''ve got some scrying to do."


    I''d seen the pictures, seen how closely the farmsteads I''d seen were represented, but never even thought about, y''know, attempting to use them as Scrying connections.


    Compleat Dumbass, thy name is Tabitha.

 Day Two Hundred And Twenty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    So, it turns out that having the right tools for a job make a job way easier to do, and improve the final product too. Go figure.


    After speaking with General Lancaster, and leaving him looking at least as smug as I''d ever seen Vulcan, I stepped directly back to the Map Room. Or, correctly, the Scrying Room. My first attempt had a little bit of stupid, but I mean, this is me we''re talking about. If not stupidity was involved, was it really me? Or just Saffron cosplaying me for nefarious, likely bedroom related purposes?


    Okay, that''s not really fair. If Saffron were cosplaying me, there''s at least a fifty percent chance that it had something to do with needing to intimidate somebody dragging their heels for political reasons. Heh, reminds me of a line my civics teacher once laid down. "Diplomacy is the fine art of treating your enemies like your friends until it''s true. Politics is the opposite of that."


    Anyway, for my first attempt at scrying I figured I''d do the easy one. I hollered for Oscar, and one of the ubiquitous butlers stepped over to me. "Pardon, ma''am, but Oscar is presently taking care of some tasks assigned him earlier. May I be of service?"


    "What''s your name?"


    "Peter, ma''am."


    I nodded. "Cool. Peter, can you go get me a bowl, a big one, about two thirds full of water?"


    "How big, ma''am?"


    I held my hands out, approximating the dimensions of Sigyn''s bowl. "Maybe this size? Shouldn''t need to be more than a couple inches deep, I don''t think."


    He looked a little constipated, which made me think he was having a hard time envisioning what I wanted. "Would a tub or washbasin suffice?"


    Hey Boss? Any particulars on what I need in terms of vessel to hold my scrying pool?


    Technically no, but the less skilled the practitioner, the more rarified the materials they ought use. In short, I would recommend precious metals, purest glass, or perhaps cut crystal for someone of your skill level.


    Thanks Boss, you''re the best.


    I know.


    "Okay, I don''t think so on the tub or washbasin. It needs to be silver, gold, glass, or maybe cut crystal."


    At the last two words, his eyes lit up and he asked, "A shallow bowl is acceptable though?"


    "Yeah. Not, like, a plate, but shallow is fine."


    He gave me that little nod-bow and said, "I shall return presently." As he walked away he waved two other lesser mini-butlers to his side. Ten minutes later they returned, Peter leading the other two, who carried what looked like a big shallow cut crystal punch bowl between them. I waved them over to a spot near the picture of Lancaster House on the floor. "Will this suffice, ma''am?"


    I nodded. "If this doesn''t work, it won''t be because I don''t have the right materials. Thanks, Peter. That''ll be all for now."


    "Very good, ma''am."


    He wandered off back to wherever the staff waited for people to call for them. For a minute I wondered if they had, like, a break room with a card table and snacks or books or, fuck, cards to play set up while they waited, or if they were expected to just stand in an alcove like statuary until somebody needed something. I really hoped it wasn''t that latter, or if it was hoped Larry had put it on his list of ''shit to fix''. I walked over to the punch bowl, put myself where I could see it while touching the picture of Lancaster House, thought about it a bit and pulled off my boots and socks, then stood barefoot on the picture of Lancaster House and molded Mana the way Loki had shown me. It took a bit more effort than it had when I''d scried on Saffron from Loki''s cave, and I''m totally not sure if that was due to my lack of ''connection'' to Lancaster House, getting the shape of the Scrying Spell not quite right, or doing something dumb like scrying, essentially, on myself.


    After a while, though, the water in the punch bowl wavered, rippled, then cleared, showing me a view of Lancaster House from the same angle and distance as the picture I''d focused on. I let out a whoop in celebration, watching a few figures moving around outside the house. I zoomed in to see if I could get inside the building, and right about then the fuck of my up became apparent. I don''t remember if Loki''d shown me this, but this scrying had inherently come up full spectrum, almost like a little invisible window to the place I''d scried on. So when I moved the focal point closer, inside the building, I caught the tail end of my whoop''s echo. Which send out another whoop from my scrying pool. Which echoed a little louder.


    I managed to shove the scry back until it hovered way outside before more than a couple additional echoes bounced around the entryway. I looked over to the alcove where Peter had disappeared, only to see him leaning out to see what was going on.


    "Oops. Minor mistake, all my fault, taken care of. Thanks again for the bowl!"


    "Of course, ma''am. Very good, ma''am."


    Fuck. No wonder rich people were so damn confident. They had their very own ''yes men'' blowing their asses full of smoke no matter how they screwed up. I bet if I''d have had a couple of those in Camden I wouldn''t have quite so many self-confidence issues now.


    Yes, I have self confidence issues. Really. No, I know I''m cool and awesome and powerful and smell nice and people like me, but somewhere deep inside I know, balls to bone, that at any given moment I am likely to screw everything up forever. The worst part? I don''t think I''ll realize I''ve done so until exactly one moment after the point of no return.


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    I know, I know, you''re all not believing that, wanting pics or it didn''t... won''t... willn''t have not happeneded. Fuck, you know what I mean. But if I knew something was gonna happen, that I was gonna fuck everything up forever, I wouldn''t do it, now would I? Okay, I guess maybe if somebody pressured me into it, or I figured out that all other options were fucked up even worse for even more people for even longer I might do something like that. But mostly? I figured it would be realizing, ''oh, shit, I''m pregnant'' right after an insufficiently approved visit to Raymond which I also forgot to livestream to Saffron. Y''know, like I said, fuck everything up forever.


    Wait, maybe Loki can teach me how to scry on the future?


    Daughter, if I could, and you wished it, I would do so, but only after cautioning you that you ought not.


    Why not? Do bad things happen to wizards who meddle with time?


    He laughed. No. Not specifically. But foreseeing the future is rarely useful, and frequently drives Oracles mad. If I may be permitted to turn your own words upon you, consider this a half-star Yelp review of being an Oracle.


    Oh. Oh, shit. Okay, Boss. Point taken. Thanks Boss. You''re the best.


    I know,


    Anyway, with Peter giving me a vote of confidence and Loki warning me off trying to point my punch bowl at the future, I went over, picked it up to avoid screwing up the floor, staggered over to the farmstead one step north and east of Lancaster House, and went through the whole process again. It took me a little longer than forming a scrying image of Lancaster House, but I felt the power growing, saw the Shape forming a lot more clearly this time. Eventually, much like the other scryings I''d done, the water rippled, then the image snapped into focus between one eyeblink and the next. This one I couldn''t be as sure of, since I''d only seen it from a kind of sideways angle as we approached, but the view of the farmstead in the bowl matched the one on the floor. People wandered between the bunkhouses and the main farmhouse, most of them wearing dresses rather than slacks, which gave me some hope both that Terrence hadn''t gotten himself lynched, and that the image wasn''t some kind of floor-based recording.


    I zoomed it in, because this time instead of courting epic reality feedback I''d scried on, y''know, someplace far away. When I got inside the main dining room of the farmhouse, Terrence sat at the head of the table, his sister to his left, an older woman to his right. At least two thirds of the people at the table were women, most of them doing some kind of portable sewing thing. Crochet? Needlepoint? Pointilism? Yeah, no idea about any of that shit. Fabric and string was involved. Marie could probably do it, but it really held no appeal for me at this point. The important thing, though, is that Terrence seemed to have about the right appetite for a kid his size, and his sister was tearing into what looked like the picked over remains of breakfast with as much enthusiasm as he was.


    I thought about Saffron''s response to me scrying on her the one time and zoomed in further, until I was pretty much looking down at Terrence like I''d sat down tailor fashion on his plate.


    "Hey Terry, can you hear me?" He looked around, like he''d heard something but couldn''t quite tell what it was. I tried again, doing that whole ''speak clearly and slowly'' thing you did with the elderly, people high on their own supply, and people who ''couldn''t understand your accent'' who were from like, two blocks away from you, but couldn''t understand ''brown''. "Farmstead Holder Terrence. This is Commander Tabitha Diaz. If you can hear me, say hello."


    This time he looked all around, then shrugged and said, "Hello."


    "Thank fuck." I muttered, then said, "I''m testing out the Scrying Room at Lancaster House, to see if I can use it to communicate. Can you hear me okay?"


    His eyes lit up. "Magical communication? Cool!" I heard some mutters from around the table, but tried to stay focused on him when he said, "I can''t hear everything you''re saying. At least I don''t think I can. It''s like you''re talking from a long way away, and it''s echoing a lot. Can you hear me?"


    I sighed, hopes of setting up some kind of Magical Facetime calling dashed. Still... I tried again, this time leaving big gaps between my words. "I." Pause. "Hear." Pause. "You." Pause. "Fine." Pause. "Repeat." Pause. "What." Pause. "I." Pause. "Just." Pause. "Said."


    He listened, then cocked his head. "Why would I need to repeat what you said if you can hear me fine?"


    Fuck it, the kid was what, ten? Maybe a precocious seven? Maybe a slow thirteen? No idea. On a par with the menace? Maybe, but she was one. But she was precocious as fuck, so maybe not a fair comparison. "Do. You. Need. Anything?"


    He looked around, repeated my question to the table, and did a passable job, for a seven year old, of summing it all up. "We need fabric, or soap if we''re gonna use the fabric people died on, or we''ll have to make soap out of them, which is disrespectful and creepy. We''re also gonna need some seeds if the winter goes on longer than normal; if we can''t plant by..." a pause while he dickered a bit with a couple people at the table, who disagreed on when they needed to plant by. "Okay, Mom says we need to plant by the first of May, but Arnold, he''s our head planting guy at this point, says we need to plant by the first of April at the latest or we won''t have enough to get us through next winter. So, y''know, I''m gonna go with April? Because if we plant by then and Mom''s right, no big, but if we don''t plant till May and Arnold''s right, we''re gonna all starve?" He paused, out of steam, then looked a little abashed. "Did. You. Get. All. That?"


    "Yes." I paused, wondering how to get my point across that even if he had a hard time hearing me, I could hear him just fine. After a moment I gave up and left that as a problem for later Tabitha to deal with. "Soap. And. Seeds. Good. Bye."


    I shut down the scry, hoping he got those two last bits and didn''t sit there talking at the air for half an hour. Then again, worst case, if he got in the habit of talking about what his farmstead needed out loud, maybe I''d scry on him, or one of the adults on the farm would. Or maybe if I left boot prints in enough divine rectums one of them would get off their ass and listen.


    Not really fair, I guess. Hestia seemed to be doing her best up here in Lancaster, especially since it seemed she was a ''Priestess'' type, and Priestesses in Lancaster got the shaft, both literally and figuratively it seemed.


    It turned out it took like half an hour for me to move the bowl, let the water settle, shape the mana, make contact, and communicate if possible, get a bird''s eye view if not. Eventually the other Cadets wandered down around lunchtime; I told them they could watch all they wanted, but I needed to concentrate. Raven stuck around to take notes on what folks needed. By the time dinner rolled around, I wasn''t exhausted, per se; I had plenty of Mana left, and physically was barely warmed up from my once-every-half-hour bowl deadlift and carry, but something about maintaining the scry got more and more mentally strenuous the further out I got.


    Still, we had a list of supplies each of the inhabited farmstead''s we''d visited needed. I''d also checked around at some of the ones we hadn''t visited, starting with the ones east of us. No place we hadn''t visited would respond to me, but the farmsteads just to the west of our perimeter all seemed to have normal winter shit going on. Smoke from chimneys, folks heading to barns and back, mostly everybody trying to spend as much time as possible in out of the cold while getting shit done.


    A cone of farmsteads to the east, centered on the road that eventually led to Phileo, narrow at the Lancaster House end and covering at least five farms north-to-south all lay dead. No smoke. No movement. Nothing, just snow covered mounds, only discernable as farmsteads by the distinctive three-building outline.


    I know we''d saved a bunch of folks. I know a lot of those farmsteads, probably all of them, were dead before we even set out from Phileo.


    Still felt like shit. Like we''d failed the people of Lancaster. Like I''d failed people who trusted me to save them.

 Day Two Hundred And Twenty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    Apparently, my dumbassery comes in layers. Like an onion. Or an ogre, I guess. Or cake?


    Wait, shit, do ogres exist?


    Kitten, are ogres a thing that exists?


    Yes?


    Are they green with little trumpet shaped ears and Scottish accents?


    Green, no. Trumpet shaped ears, no. Scottish accents? I''d say ''they''re mostly too stupid to speak'', along with ''nobody tries talking to them anyhow because they eat people and they''re twice as big, four times as strong, and one eighth as smart as Carruthers'', but then, this is Scotsmen we''re talking about, I''m pretty sure there''s at least one that has one working off a debt somewhere.


    Ouch. Not really vibing with the whole racial thing there, sweetie.


    It''s a joke.


    It always starts with jokes, though, doesn''t it?


    My adorable genius huffed into my head. I think you''re missing the nuance, maybe.


    Oh, hey, I probably am. Clueless, thy name is Tabitha. Enlighten me, oh Saffron of the... uh... tits.


    Are you okay, love?


    Yeah, just distracted by, like, work.


    Well. What you''re missing is that most of the people in Scotland who are legally allowed to call themselves ''Scots''? Have a lot more in common with the Lancasters than anybody from the Yards.


    Oof. Do we need to pay a visit there?


    I got a sudden sense of someone swallowing something down the wrong hole, then, we''re still dealing with problems with the neighbors, and you''re talking about screwing with Scotland?


    Hey, I''m too dumb to pick my battles. I just grab them as I see them.


    I don''t know how my brilliant lover did it, but she smacked me in the back of the head without actually being here. From now on, at least let me schedule them where possible.


    Yes, dear.


    So anyway, since for the time being the Scrying Room has me based out of Lancaster House, I got to spend last night with Saffron, Marie, and Isnomi. With a surprising amount of Isnomi-free time for the three of us, which was kinda nice in a ''we all slept well'' kinda way.


    The moment they showed up, Isnomi looked around, sniffed at the air, and said, "wanna pay!"


    I shrugged, because I''m down for some non-adult playtime on a fairly regular basis. "Okay, Menace. What do you wanna play?"


    She shook her head, grabbed my hand, and tugged me toward the suite door. "Pay wif kids!"


    "Uh..."


    Saffron cut in at that point. "If she''s old enough to want to socialize, it''s probably a good idea if we let her."


    I shrugged and turned to the rug rat. "Okay, Menace. Lead on."


    She led us out the door, up the stairs, and before I knew it we knocked on Larry and Bonnie''s door. He answered looking a little rumpled, but not, like, naked and sweaty or anything like that. "Hey, Larry. Our little one here wanted to play with the kids?" I nodded toward the back of the building, where I assumed a door led into the Ladies'' Quarters.


    He shook his head, chuckling a little. "It''s always the little things that trip you up, isn''t it? We''ll have to start working to put doors on every floor. With good locks on their side, of course. I don''t think they''d feel safe otherwise." He shrugged. "I could be wrong. They may wind up unlocked until they rust that way, but..."


    He looked just a little more self-reproachful than I thought was good for him. "Hey, Larry. You''re doing the best you can to fix what, hundreds of years of stupid bullshit? You''ve been at it for like three days. So long as you keep up the good fight, do the best you can do? That''s, like, literally the best you can do."


    At that point, Bonnie called out, "who''s there, love?" Something weird about her voice, but while the rooms in Lancaster House may or may not be soundproofed, they''re thick and the rooms are big. I''ve really got no clue if she''s a screamer or whatever, and other than morbid curiosity I really don''t need to know.


    Larry turned, waving for us to come in as he did so. "It''s the Commander and her family, my bonnie lass."


    "Ooh, I like that one. It''s clever." Bonnie had a nightgown on, and I realized one of the big benefits of makeup not being a thing most of us had. No mascara means no mascara running when you''re crying.


    "Hey, Bonnie. Is everything okay, guys?"


    She shook her head, a maybe too-bright smile plastered on her face. Larry stepped to her and pulled her in close to him; she slid in front of him, facing us, pulling his arms around her. "We''re fine, Commander. Or should I say Tabitha, since we''re at home? No, that doesn''t feel right either. Diaz? You don''t mind Diaz, do you Commander?"


    I chuckled. "Shit, it still weirds me out a little when somebody calls me ''Commander''. But it''s part of the job, so I roll with it. Tabitha, Diaz, ''hey you moron'', whatever works for you." At that point Isnomi wriggled free and pelted over to Bonnie, holding her arms up. Bonnie picked her up, of course, laughing as she did so. Her laughter seemed a little more natural this time, but I also saw a few new tears roll across her face. I sighed and said, "look, I''m really not trying to butt in, because I''ve been in some shitty situations and everybody deals with them differently. I just want you two to know that if we can help? Let us know. I''d hate to think I fucked something up when I healed you and now you''re living with the aftermath of me fucking up, y''know?"


    I almost couldn''t hear Bonnie between her burying her face in Isnomi''s curls and the menace herself purring loud enough to hear from where the three of us stood. "I''d rather live with that aftermath than not have the chance to live at all."


    "Oh, hey, I get that. You''ve made that abundantly clear, and I''m glad that my baseline fuck up wasn''t ''making you come back''. But if there''s, like, something that didn''t get healed right? Something that doesn''t work the way it should? Like, anything at all that we could help you with, or find somebody to help you with? Say the word and we''re on it."


    Larry, who''d been silent to this point, replied. "We thank you for the offer, Commander. It means more than you know." He snorted. "More than it should, really, since anything along the lines of ''find someone to help'' is probably easier for me than you." When I shot him a questioning look, he said, "I''m still richer than most of the rest of the families in Phileo put together. But... you''ve done things that no amount of money can buy. ''Improbable'' can be bought. ''Impossible'' can''t." He let out a long breath, not quite whistling. "So. Thank you. We''ll let you know if we think of anything that might help, or rather if we''re sure enough that it would help to have you go looking for impossible answers." He smiled at that, and Bonnie leaned up and whispered in his ear. "Really?" She nodded. "Please take no offense if this is crossing a line, but could Bonnie and I take Isnomi to visit with the young ones in the Ladies'' Quarters?"


    I looked to Saffron and Marie, who both nodded. Saffron firmly, Marie a little more tentatively, with a bit of a shrug involved. I turned back to Larry and said, "sure, so long as you''re sure. She can be a handful. Several hands full. We''ve got six between us, and sometimes we still don''t have enough."


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    Bonnie laughed at that, and Saffron said, "also, Bonnie?" When Bonnie nodded, Saffron said, "if you ever need someone to talk to who neither needs a codpiece nor sees you as a potential rival, our door is always open for you."


    Before Bonnie could reply, Larry said, "Thank you, Imperator." He shook his head. "Thank you, Saffron Aetos."


    Bonnie looked over her shoulder at him, her arms still full of menace. "You''re sure?" When he nodded she turned to Saffron, then pointedly looked me up and down and said, "so, I''m not a potential rival?"


    That got a real laugh out of Saffron, who grabbed at my arm more out of a need to hold herself up than any kind of possessiveness. She might have even shoved me forward a little bit. "Oh, be my guest. I doubt she''d be willing if your husband is involved, but I think somehow Isnomi gets her ''handfulness'' from this one."


    Bonnie just laughed at that, even moreso when Marie intoned, "Yes."


    Eventually she managed to get out, "When do we need to have her back by?"


    I shrugged and looked at the others. "Morning?"


    Saffron considered a moment, then said, "before breakfast if you could, but morning sounds fine. Sooner is fine too, if you prefer." Marie just nodded her agreement.


    "Okay then!" Bonnie held Isnomi out just far enough to see her face, keeping her mostly snug against her. "Did you want to go meet the other little ones now?"


    "Yeth!" She twisted around and waved at us with one arm. "G''nigh Ma! G''nigh Mama! G''nigh Mawa!"


    "Well, she''s let her preferences be known, hasn''t she?" Saffron shook her head, smiling. "Good night, my girl."


    "Yeah, Menace. Good night, have fun, and be good while you''re with the Lancasters, got it?"


    "Goddid!"


    With that, laughing at our little menace''s enthusiasm, we left back to our suite, and Larry and Bonnie headed toward the back end of theirs. When the door closed behind us, I smirked, looked down at Saffron, and asked, "Did you or did you not just offer me up as a therapeutic sex doll?"


    I felt some kinda way when both of them started laughing. Less that kinda way when Saffron hopped up into my arms, her arms snaking around my neck, her mouth doing interesting things to my ear as we walked. After a bit she pulled away and said, "Did you or did you not say that you would do anything Bonita needed."


    "Well, yeah, but, y''know..."


    She rolled her eyes at me and used her mouth to hit that soft-reset button in my ear. "If you were about to start some nonsense about ''infidelity'', what is the one rule you are required to follow no matter what?"


    "Uh... tell you about..." Right about then my brain actually spun back up and I interrupted myself with, "simulcast?" At her quizzical look, I shot her the full sensory spectrum view of what I very much wanted to do the moment we got behind closed doors.


    "Exactly." She turned a little behind me and said, "see? She can learn."


    Before I could respond to that, I got scooped off my feet as Marie said, "Yes."


    So weird being the middle person in the princess carry stack. Not bad, mind you, but weird. Also yet again impressed that Marie can still handle doors carrying both of us like that; her biggest problem is having to duck under normal sized doorframes, and Lancaster House didn''t have that particular problem.


    So yeah, we got some private time. Slept well. Mimic is still dreaming about that stone game. It''s not Othello, I know that. I know the rules for that one.


    In the morning we woke to the quiet sounds of an entire herd of kids sleeping in our front room. I crept out to get a look at them without waking them up; I think every damn kid below the age of eight was sleeping on and around our sofa. Four of the Ladies had come along, along with four women in maid''s uniforms. Larry, obviously awake, looked at me from where he lay under Bonnie, who not only had the menace lying on her back, but all the self-mobile smaller ones piled around her. All of them including Bonnie asleep, of course. When I came into the room, the maids all stirred. I felt a little bad at waking them until I realized that Larry really did look like he''d slept; he''d just woken up before the rest and realized that he couldn''t move without waking, well, everyone.


    I crept over quietly and leaned in so I could whisper. "You okay, man?"


    He smiled up at me. "Nothing I can''t deal with in good time. Thank you, Commander. I... This was good for her, I think." He paused in thought for a bit. "She has concerns."


    I stomped down my initial flippant reply and said, "they are?"


    He shook his head slightly. "I''d rather let her tell you. I''ll encourage her to do so if they remain and bother her."


    I nodded and smiled my approval at keeping his wife''s private matters private. "Unless you think she needs something addressed and can''t, for whatever reason, ask for herself. Like, wants to, or ought to want to, but she''s been infected with my dumbass and can''t ask or something."


    At that point the woman in question startled us both a bit by saying, "I''ll let you know, Diaz. Or let him know. Larry?"


    She''d said all that without opening her eyes or moving. "Yes, love?"


    "I trust you to tell her if you think I can''t ask you, but need you to."


    "Yes, love."


    Right about then the kids started stirring, and everything went a sort of slow motion, barely controlled berserk. More than four of the menace''s new friends weren''t potty trained yet, and I think I scandalized everyone but Bonnie, Saffron, and Marie when I grabbed a clean diaper, a cloth, and a stinky kid and made with the diaper changing. I mean, I picked a girl-looking just-past-football age one, because I''m helpful, not masochistic. Felt a little silly when I realized I''d used ''headful of golden curls'' as a ''girl'' marker in a houseful of fuckin'' Lancasters and other assorted Dan. No shade intended, they just ran to blond in both genders, and curls really aren''t, y''know, a gendered trait. That got me wondering what Larry and Bonnie''s kids would wind up looking like, which got me wondering if somehow one of them might inherit one of the animated bits of darkness I''d grafted onto her, which made me feel real stupid for a minute as I thought about the kids of inked up parents coming out ''blank'', which finally got the free range clue that had been drifting around since last night to land in my head.


    Is she worried about being able to have kids?


    After our conversation last night? Especially when she didn''t take me up on my offer specifically to mess with Lancaster in that ''ramp his libido up to ever more legendary levels''? It did cross my mind.


    Well. Shit. Could...


    On my ever lengthening to do list, Goof. Let me know if you find anything that might be applicable.


    You got it, Kitten. Really feel some kind of totally good way that you finish my...


    Desserts?


    I shot her a look over the kids we were changing. By this point every woman in the room had gotten down to work, even if two of the younger Dan moms looked like they had no fucking clue how to change a kid. I almost wished they''d done like Larry, who''d gone into the other room and brought back a hamper, carrying it around so people could yeet dirty diapers into it. If you can''t do, get out of the way and help. "Thanks Larry." I said as he fielded my most recent toxic waste and I started with the Mom Origami magic.


    That wasn''t what I meant, and you know it, KItten.


    That makes it even better!


    I swear, that woman had become addicted to that singsong phrase. I mean, not like I hadn''t provided some really positive feedback every time she''d employed it. Hell, I was even coming to...


    Are you Pavloving me, woman?


    Is this a new and hitherto previously unknown form of loving from your old world? I''m game to try it next time we''re alone.


    I sighed, put the re-diapered kid back on his feet, and waved my next victim over. No. It''s a kind of conditioning where you make somebody react to some kind of unrelated stimulus. Pavlov was a guy who taught his dogs to start salivating when he rang a bell by feeding them every time.


    Oh that? Yes, absolutely. My ultimate goal is to induce orgasms by humming at you.


    That got me. I paused, holding the kid down and fending off inquisitive hands while looking up at Saffron. I can''t tell if you''re serious or not. I''m also not keen on stopping you for some unknown reason.


    Probably because you realize I would be merciless with you, and you''d enjoy the ever loving fuck out of that, all puns intended.


    I went back to diapering, shaking my head as I thought. I am married to the wicked witch of below the waist.


    That makes it even better!


    I couldn''t help it, I started laughing and didn''t stop as I continued changing the tykes'' diapers, not stopping until we finished and I had a chance to engage in some entertaining publicly acceptable liplock with the instigator of my laughter. And panty dampness.


    Once we had everyone in the room mostly clean and mostly dressed, the assorted adults in the room trooped them down, at Bonnie''s insistence, to the dining room. Three words: impromptu waffle party. Chaos. Madness. Levity. The menace repeatedly stuffing entire waffles into her mouth, blowing raspberries at me when I told her to slow down enough to taste it. Whipped cream, which Bonnie had apparently shown one of the maids how to make. No crepes, but whipped cream, butter, and syrup on waffles? Not really missing the crepes all that much.


    Isnomi asked to stay at Lancaster House for the day, and after confirming with the local maids and the Lancasters that they didn''t mind having the menace corrupting their kids, Saffron and I agreed. Marie decided at that point that the Academy could do without her for a day, what with having the rest of her murderfuck cult guarding it and doing the chores, so she spent the day in the Ladies'' Quarters. Probably dispensing slightly fuzzy, sublimely violent, much needed feminism. Shit, the menace was probably doing the same on all counts. Fuck it, I used the word ''corrupting'' on purpose, and he agreed.


    Spent the whole day checking out another dozen or so farmsteads in the Scrying Room, focusing on the southern border. The further away from the cone of death I got, the more the farmsteads looked like normal winter farmsteads. A couple of them really did look like they were on the raggedy edge, with more snowy lumps than moving people, but still with, y''know, smoke from chimneys and signs of life. I dropped Angel and Bill at our southeasternmost cleared point with two units of Volunteers and instructions on which turns to take to get to those farms quickest. I couldn''t exactly move cattle, but each of them had as much food and assorted critical supplies as they could carry. On the topic of Supplies, I sent Fred and Linus out with about half our remaining troops to hit each of the ''dead'' farms, Cure the bodies and bury them, and scavenge any livestock or supplies they could.


    Our south border? Not in terrible shape, the further west I went. Of course, in both of the bridge villages? The far side of the border had way more chimneys tracing lines of smoke to the clouds than our side of the river.


    I really hoped they were chimneys.

 Day Two Hundred And Thirty

    Dear Diary,


    Yeah, when I mentioned my idiocy reaching new bounds yesterday? Kinda because I never got around to talking about the end of the day, what with thoughts of Calverton''s imminent and fully justified retributive strike taking over my poor overworked brain.


    I think I need challenges more my mental speed, like putting all the blocks in the square hole.


    Anyway, just as I closed down the scrying window to the northern bridge across the Susquehanna River, Saffron pinged me. Shall we spend the night in our new place tonight, love?


    I considered it for a bit. On the one hand, Lancaster House had that bathtub. On the other hand? I kinda wanted to spend more time in ''our'' place. Really, y''know, making it ''ours''. Something about a place you''d lived in for so long that it smelled like you, but you''d lived there so long you couldn''t smell it any more, and you missed it without knowing why.


    No, I do not piss in the corners of the rooms in my house to ''claim'' them.


    Not since I was, like, three anyhow.


    So I thought back, sure, Kitten. I''ll be there in just a little bit, as soon as... I''ve...


    Is everything okay, love?


    Uh... just a minute. Okay, a couple minutes. Nothing bad, exactly. Just need to check into something.


    I picked up my big old cut crystal scrying bowl, which by now had given me some really good thigh workouts, since I was mostly lifting with my knees and then waddling it across the floor, and walked over to the picture of the farmstead just south of the first one we''d hit. It took me a little bit, since it wasn''t one of the closest ones, and for whatever reason the ones further away took a bit more concentration and a lot more Mana. After a long few moments of concentration the water rippled and the window took its place. Same view as before, a completely still farmstead, no smoke from the chimneys, no movement whatsoever.


    I stared at if for a bit. In part because the sight of a dead farm made me feel some kind of way. In part because I wasn''t sure if this was gonna work. I wouldn''t let myself even consider the rest of it until after I''d seen if this worked or not.


    I stepped to the farm.


    My feet crunched through the top layer of snow, dropping me into hip deep snow covering the courtyard. I might have gotten a little pissed at that point, because I shaped the mother of all Air Shields right there in the courtyard, blowing the snow away, uncovering the bodies. Including the only one that hadn''t been laid out, a little old lady sitting on the step in front of the farmhouse door. It looked like when she was the only one left, she''d just sat down there and given up. Or just followed her family.


    FUCK!


    I hammered the entire courtyard with a Mass Cure, then stepped back to the scrying room. Kitten? I''m gonna be home late tonight.


    Do you need help with anything?


    I stood there, seething with fury at myself. If I''d thought of this before, if I''d known this was a fucking Scrying Room, if I''d been less of a dumbass, how many more people could I have saved? I almost told her I didn''t need help, that I would fix my own screw up. Then I realized, my self-flagellation would just make fixing this shit take longer.


    Which might well mean the difference between life and death for some poor bastard at one of the farmsteads.


    I need Marie. I think I could use some moral support, too, because I fucked up. I''ll explain when you get here?


    We''ll be there shortly.


    "LANCASTER!" I pitched my voice to carry, not knowing what exactly where he was at the moment. "RALLY ON ME!"


    Less than sixty seconds later, Larry, Bonnie, Lachlan, and Raven sprinted into the Scrying Room from the stairs just as Saffron stepped into the room with Marie and Isnomi in tow.


    "What''s wrong?" asked Larry, not breathless in the slightest from sprinting from wherever he''d come from. Bonnie and Raven both looked a bit winded, but more ''need to breathe a second'' not ''out of gas'' winded. Lachlan looked nearly as ready to go as Larry. "Did you spot the Calvertons?"


    I shook my head. "I fucked up. Marie? I need you to move that," I pointed at the scrying bowl, "over there," I pointed at one of the farmsteads we''d tentatively identified as ''Plagued''. "Bonnie, Raven, Saffron, if you guys could mark the farmsteads we''ve identified as needing intervention, in our best guess as to which ones need it most?"


    Bonnie nodded to Raven, "I''ll find something to mark them with, you''ve got the notes."


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    I turned to Larry and Lachlan. "Uhh... shit, any place we haven''t been yet is still going to recognize Lachlan as Heir, won''t they?"


    They turned to each other, shrugged. "Probably," said Lachlan.


    "Okay, you''re with me. C''mere. Larry, can you take charge on this end?"


    He asked, "of?" but I''d already tugged Lachlan over to where Marie had set the scrying bowl.


    Just like I''d thought, my Maenad could one hand the fucking thing just like our tubs back home. I pushed Mana into the Shape for Scrying, self-directed rage giving me the boost I needed to finish the thing as fast as possible. I grabbed Lachlan by the hand and stepped us into the mostly abandoned courtyard of the farmstead. I turned to Lachlan. "I need every living person at this farmstead in the courtyard, right the fuck now."


    He shrugged, tilted his head back a little and cupped his hands around his mouth as he Shaped something like the Message Spell. His voice rang out, "by order of Lachlan Lancaster, every man, woman, and child on this farmstead assemble in the courtyard this instant!"


    While he did that, I Air Shielded the relatively thin layer of snow out of the courtyard. A moment later, the doors to the farmhouse and the bunkhouses opened, and variations on, "holy shit, it''s really him!" filtered from the doorways, followed by a rush of people from each. An older guy who came out of the farmhouse said, "milord, many of my people are ill. I..."


    Lachlan cut him off. "Are they alive?"


    "Yes, sir?"


    "Then get them out here, NOW!"


    Gotta hand it to him, when given a straightforward task, Lachlan wasn''t half bad at getting the job done. In less than five minutes, the courtyard was full of people, at least a third of them helped or outright carried into the courtyard. "Is this everybody?" I called out.


    The older dude looked at Lachlan, who said, "is she or is she not wearing a Hero''s uniform?"


    "Yessir. Yes, uh, ma''am, this is everyone."


    I stepped to the roof of one of the bunkhouses, apologizing mentally to The Dress when I replaced my uniform boots with hers. Even on the icy roof, I got perfect traction. "Okay, everybody, this might feel a little awful, but it''s for your own good." I poured Mana into a Mass Cure and hit everyone in the courtyard. As people started puking, I tagged them with Heal from where I stood, then stepped back to Lachlan. "Okay, everybody, when they''re done puking get them warm and get some food into them. If you need more help, food, more Cures, whatever, before the Volunteers get here, find a big piece of red cloth and hang it out here in the courtyard. Got it?"


    The dude didn''t need Lachlan to tell him twice, I guess. "Yes, ma''am!"


    I reached over and put my hand on Lachlan''s shoulder. "Anything you need to say before we go?" When he shook his head, I stepped back to Lancaster House''s Scrying Room. I glanced around to see Marie just settling the scrying bowl next to one of the Farmhouse pictures as directed by Raven, while Bonnie had Isnomi running around moving markers. I looked to Bonnie and asked, "Larry? Saffron?"


    She replied, "the Imperator realized what you were doing and took Larry to the next farm on the list."


    Fuck it. I''d find some other method of self-flagellation. "Good idea." I walked over to the scrying basin, Lachlan by my side, and nodded to the picture on the floor next to it. "This one?"


    The moment Raven said, "yes," I started shaping the Scry. The moment the water stilled enough to see the image, we stepped through.


    Farm after farm, we leapfrogged through Lancaster House territory. Some time like two thirds of the way through, the part of me that I used to Shape Mana started to twinge. I told that shit to shut up and soldier and kept going.


    By the time Lachlan and I stepped through one of the last two pictures, the little village just on the Lancaster side of the southern bridge across the Susquehanna, the sun had long since set. He stepped over to a big old bell hanging from some posts at one side of the center square of the village, grabbed the rope, and rang the living shit out of that thing. I''m pretty sure they heard that shit on the far side of the river. Men came streaming out of the houses around us. When they stopped coming, Lachlan barked out, "as Heir Lancaster, I order you to bring every living soul in this village, man, woman, and child, to this square as quickly as possible." While a few guys turned and started jogging back to their houses, a few others looked a little mulish. "MOVE! NOW!"


    All but like two guys bolted at that. I stepped up to the last couple, getting close enough they could clearly see that despite the jacket, I had tits underneath it and was neither a guy nor a Lancaster. "This is a medical emergency, we''ve found a way to stop the Plague, but we need everyone out here immediately." My voice had gotten a little hoarse over the course of the evening. I''m not sure what convinced them, but they turned and straight up sprinted back to their houses. I turned back to Lachlan, staggered a bit, only to have him catch me and hold me up. "Yeah, I think some of your villagers might not be quite as happy with your dad''s leadership as they might be."


    Lachlan heaved a sigh. "Father''s never done it, but my great-grandfather made a habit of acquiring new blood for Lancaster House by doing something like this."


    I nodded, spitting out a mouthful that tasted metallic. "By ''new blood'' you mean women, right?"


    "From what I was told, yes."


    "Yeah, that would fuckin'' do it."


    He put his hands around my waist, spanning the whole thing, reminding me that despite his typical himbo demeanor, Lachlan was a big boi. Then he tossed me straight up, catching my feet on his hands. "You want me to hold you like this, or you want to stand on top of the bell?" Shit. He also apparently wasn''t quite as clueless as advertised. Might be the whole ''Hero'' thing, might have been the whole ''returned to life after being told he hadn''t made the cut for Valhalla'' thing. But he''d caught on to the fact that I wasn''t really up to too many more Translocations. "Or did you want me to try that Mass Cure thing?"


    I shook my head and nodded toward the bell. He stepped close enough that I could step from his hands right onto the crosspiece that held the bell up. As people flowed back into the square, I wondered why the bell didn''t have, y''know, a roof to keep things from getting weathered until I saw a bunch of lumber and shingles off to one side. At a guess, we''d arrived between ''take the old roof off'' and ''put the new roof on''. Convenient.


    "Is this everyone?" hollered Lachlan.


    "Yes, sir." replied the muliest guy from earlier.


    I didn''t have any witty banter left. I pulled Mana, Shaped it, and hit the whole courtyard with the biggest Mass Cure I''d done yet.


    Really glad Lachlan was paying attention, because I sure as shit would rather be caught by one of the remaining Lancaster men than test the durability of my head against the pavers.


    I mean, I still passed the fuck out, but at least my head was in one piece, right?

 Day Two Hundred And Thirty-One

    Dear Diary,


    So, apparently my answer to ''I''ve been stupid, and the consequences fell on other people'' isn''t ''get smarter'', it''s ''try new kinds of stupid in ever larger amounts until the consequences start hitting me instead''.


    The last thing I remembered was Curing the southern bridge village. After that? Mimic Dreams, which included the Return of Hibachi Chef Saffron throwing shrimp at me. But not, like, tossing them to make me fall face first into the cleavage of the chick sitting next to me. Not that there were any chicks sitting next to me in my Mimic Dreams, but you get the point. Of course, this time instead of one Chibi Hibachi Chef Saffron, there were three. One of them down by the lakefront, one standing in the middle of the game board. I really need to, I dunno, visit here-and-now Japan and see if they know what the fuck that game''s called. The third Saffron? Underneath me, smack dab in the middle. Also chucking shrimp. I don''t even want to know why Mimic is dreaming of suppository shrimp. I really don''t. If the answer to ''how do I make everything right forever without Doing Horrible Things to Myself'' lies in rectal shellfish? I''m not sure it''s worth it.


    Woke to Saffron gently humming some kind of lullaby while stroking my hair. When my eyes slid open I couldn''t help but stir a little. In response she opened her own eyes and looked down to where my head rested in her lap. "Hey, you. You''re back with us."


    "Yeah. Um... we haven''t been invaded yet, have we?"


    She booped my nose and said, "one moment please."


    She closed her eyes then went back to stroking my hair. Fuck it, I''ve had way worse hold music than her humming, and sure as shit worse waiting room chairs. While I waited I looked around a little. I realized right away why I hadn''t recognized the bed; I''d only slept in it like, twice? Maybe? Not for very long any given time, either, because sure as shit we spent most of the time in our new double bed doing activities other than sleeping. Maybe it says something about me that the thought of all that hanky panky soothed me almost as much as Saffron''s humming, her stroking of my hair, or the feel of her thighs beneath my head.


    Her eyes slid back open. "Green flags in both bridge villages. We''ve stationed three units in each, and sent two more to visit the itinerant fishing camps along the river, let them know what''s going on, have them ready to send up signal fires if they spot the Calverton forces trying to come across the river somewhere other than the bridges."


    "Gah. You''re so much better than I am at this shit. No idea why Lancaster wanted me leading the relief expedition instead of you."


    She smiled down at me. "I am, in case you''d forgotten, Imperator now. Someone with a great deal of military power insisted on it, as I recall. As such I can''t go running off into the wilderness leading every expedition. Also, I doubt I would have defeated a wyvern, let alone a Dragon."


    I snorted. "Yeah. I notice who actually killed that big bastard."


    "If our positions had been reversed, I might not have survived to face the Dragon. I certainly wouldn''t have been able to distract it long enough for you to collect Vulcan and arrive to shoot it. Certainly, you might have killed it then, and I might have survived if I''d just put up a Ward and huddled, but I wouldn''t have been able to Ward the entire Expedition." She paused, then tapped my forehead with each word for emphasis. "Stop belittling yourself, Goof."


    I smiled up at her. "Okay."


    She blinked. "What? No protestations of guilt and how you deserve worse? No angst ridden diatribe about how you and you alone must shoulder the entire burden of setting the world to rights?"


    I shook my head, at first just a little, then a little more, a lot more slowly, because I really enjoyed the feel of her thighs squishing against my cheeks. "Nope. I''m learning, I think."


    One of her eyebrows shot up. "What exactly are you learning, Goof?"


    "First, that my Kitten is so much smarter than me that I can''t even really comprehend the difference with my tiny goofy brain, so when you give me an order like that? I''m just gonna shut up and follow it."


    I paused, and she said, "you realize, of course, that you''ve just given me even more temptation to become an absolute tyrant?"


    I shook my head some more, entirely to feel that nice thigh squish. Okay, maybe to catch a glimpse of absolute territory in my peripheral vision. "I trust you, and if you''re being too tyranty Marie and I will spank you like the naughty girl you are."


    Her head dropped forward, her eyes closing as she chuckled. I liked the whole motion, because now I had Saffron boobs pressing into my forehead. ''Surrounded by Saffron''s squishy bits'' was a pretty fuckin'' nice place to be. "You are not making resisting becoming a tyrant any easier."


    I smiled up at her. "Maybe we should just start with pre-emptive tyranny-belaying spankings? It''ll be a chore, but I''m sure Marie and I can fit it into our busy schedules."


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    A broad smile taking any sting out of her words, she ranted a little bit. "You! Before I met you, I had not one inclination toward being on the receiving end of such things! It''s all your fault!"


    "Is that a yes?"


    "It wasn''t a no."


    I shook my head some more, noticing that, since it wasn''t cold at all in our new room, the conversation had certainly gotten the attention and approval of her lady bits. Rubbing my forehead against her chest didn''t seem to bother her, either. "Anyway, the second thing? I''m trying to cut myself some slack after I fix my screw ups."


    "I fail to see where you screwed up here. Well, one thing, but it''s hardly a ''screw up''."


    "Not figuring out the Map Room was actually a Scrying Room?"


    She shook her head, reaching down and massaging my shoulders. "No. That was not your fault at all. If any family in Phileo was arrogant enough to make a visual representation of their wealth a key feature of a house that is, itself, a massive visual representation of their wealth? It''s the Lancasters."


    I snickered. "Good thing they''re inland. Otherwise they''d be trying to put a boat on their boat on their boat. What about not remembering I could Translocate to places I scried on?"


    "And how many times had you done that previously?"


    I thought about it for a little bit, my brain slow as more resources spontaneously devoted themselves to using my forehead to nudge Saffron''s tits. "Uh, once?"


    "And that was when?"


    Since I''d just thought about it, my only challenge now was making with the words, despite my mouth''s deep conviction that it had a better person to be doing. "When the fucking Oranges dropped a rock on you."


    She nodded. "And we''ve already noted that you were not at your most coherent that day." At my look, she continued. "Lethal, yes. Intimidating, certainly. Furious, of course. Coherent?"


    I smiled and reached up to run my fingers along her back, kneading slowly. "Okay, yeah, fair point. So where did I screw up?"


    "Oh, do not stop that, please, my Goddess, please, do not stop that until I pass out or your fingers drop off, please."


    "Weird, you normally prefer them up front."


    "Yes, well. Since I normally stand at Council meetings, and I must retain a certain degree of presence, my back is not thrilled with me most evenings."


    I rooched myself toward her a little so I could reach her back better. If it wrapped her front around me like a full-head helmet made of Saffron squishy bits? Total coincidence, really. As I got to work on her back, I asked, "speaking of evening, how long was I out?"


    "You passed out midway through the night last night, and slept the clock round, plus a little bit. The Dining Hall is serving breakfast at the moment, which is where Marie and Isnomi are."


    I thought about that for a second, then asked, "Is Isnomi eating breakfast, or helping Marie serve it?"


    "Knowing our girl? Ostensibly doing the latter while actually mostly doing the former."


    I nodded, keeping the motion slow enough to enjoy every bit of squish. "Yeah, that tracks." I sighed. "I better get back soon, then."


    "You will do no such thing. Your executive officer has been informed that, barring Calverton invading, another Dragon, or some similar catastrophe, you will be spending today recovering."


    I opened my mouth to argue, only to have my traitorous tongue try to reach any of the squishy bits around me. Couldn''t quite do it, so instead I just said, "Yes, ma''am." After a few moments of lying there enjoying my surroundings and rubbing Saffron''s lower back, totally coincidental that it made her bend forward more, I asked, "so what did I fuck up, if not the Scrying Room thing or the Translocation thing?"


    She chuckled, which did amazing things to the squishy bits surrounding me. "Only you, love. Your scrying..." She paused and let out a groan as I found a knot in her back and made it let go. "Goddess you are good at this. At any rate, scrying normally begins with creating a link to Metaphoric Space, where sympathetic magic is much more powerful, making the link to the scry destination much shorter and less power intensive."


    "Okay, yeah, Loki taught me from his cave, which is partially in Metaphoric Space, right?"


    "Yes. Which explains everything."


    "Not so much for me, really."


    She chuckled again. High on my list of ''things to make happen as often as possible''. "Instead of a minor opening into Metaphoric Space, a tiny conduit of Mana to the target, and another minor opening back to the Mortal World? You connected your scrying bowl directly to the end location via the Mortal World. Meaning it was both longer and, as the Mortal World is not inundated with Mana like Metaphoric Space, exponentially more Mana Consuming."


    "Oh." I worked my way up her back, pulling her down closer to me as I did. Glowing Midnight''s lingerie was kinda in the way, but I liked the view enough not to complain or correct that. "Oops."


    "Yes. Oops indeed. Now, are you fully through with the flagellation for today?"


    I put on my serious face and thought about that for a moment, my hands shifting as I did. "Nope." Before she could reply, I somersaulted her over my head to land in my lap, then flipped her face down as I sat up. "You need your daily dose of tyranny prevention, right Kitten?"


    She bit her lip, her eyes scrunched closed. Eventually she turned her head a smidge and cracked one eye open. "What are you waiting for?" She sounded way more impatient than apprehensive.


    My serious face still in place, I said, "consent is important!"


    Her eyes scrunched closed again, but this time with laughter. Deep, throaty laughter that made me think she''d found an auditory cousin of The Grin. "Do it, Goof. Do it as long and as hard as you can. Do it until you''re satisfied."


    "Oh, no. That won''t do at all." At her whine of impatience and confusion combined, I said, "I''m doing this until we''re both. Fully. Satisfied." Then I did. Weird, totally not my thing to be on the giving rather than receiving end of something quite like this, but her reactions? Totally my thing. Very me. Much totally. So thing. Wow.


    Turns out Saffron''s idea of ''appropriate restful activities'' has plenty of overlap with my own idea of ''perfect date''. Lots of eating, canoodling, and sleeping. Marie and Isnomi joined us after breakfast, bringing a cartload of food, enough to last us through the day. While a pair of us took the menace up to the roof for a day of hang gliding, another pair stayed in bed all day with Marie. Not long before dinner Isnomi finally tired out and we came back in, then all four of us stepped to our rooms at Lancaster House. Isnomi dragged Marie out of the room to go play with her little friends.


    Oh, no, a night alone with Saffron and a double-sized bed. Whatever shall we do?

 Day Two Hundred And Thirty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    On the one hand, I''m really glad I have people looking out for my well being, since I seem to have developed a penchant for attempted self-destruction. I mean, in the pursuit of the greater good, but still. Thing is, every time I do something like that, I wind up getting a day off. Which, y''know, I don''t really get otherwise. Which might be feeding that penchant, y''know?


    On a related note, apparently that whole ''Heroes never get a day off, just down time to recuperate from injuries that make them unable to Hero properly'' thing does not stop me wanting that particular Title any less. Which leaves me really confused as to why I''d give Saffron the Imperator role. Seriously, everybody expected me to take it, but then I didn''t.


    Okay, I know it''s because of the whole ''immortal tyrant bad'' thing, but the whole reason I didn''t just say ''fuck it all'' and sail to PR to see if it''s still Taino, or if somebody else has screwed with them, and spend my life eating mangos on the beach? Power. The idea I''d be rich and powerful just made my nethers tingle, and that''s it. Right?


    Last night''s Mimic dreams were back to playing that stones game. Maybe it''s Hiroko? Like, they just straight up named the kid after the game he was playing? Wouldn''t put it past an Anime doing something like that.


    Anywho, after spending the first part of the night trying out bathtub canoodling with Saffron, and the second half snuggled in the bed with her, I woke up surrounded by Saffron, Marie, and an uncountable number of toddler-and-up little kids. Uncountable because they''d piled up around the three adults in the bed, pinning me in place. It felt kinda nice, really. Maybe all I''d needed for a good night''s sleep back in Camden was a weighted blanket?


    Nah, sirens, gunfire, and a mattress older than me probably would have kept me up anyway. Not, like, those were nightly occurrences, at least the first two. I''d still been sleeping on my mom''s old bed back then. After she died I couldn''t sleep at all except there, and it just kinda became a habit.


    So after laying there for a while, Saffron woke up. I couldn''t move my body enough to count kids without waking them, but I could turn my head enough to watch the Saffron boot up sequence. So adorable as she sniffed at the air before opening her eyes. Then she scrunched up her nose and said, "did someone fail to get to the chamber pot in time?"


    "Wasn''t me. I promise. Isnomi?"


    Without opening her eyes she said. "Not me. Isnomi Big Gih now."


    I scooted back, suddenly less concerned about waking someone and more concerned about toddler pee dripping on me. "Okay, who had an accident overnight?" When nobody responded, I said, "I''m not mad, I just wanna know who needs to clean up. Two hands went up. "Were both of you wearing diapers?"


    They nodded, and Saffron said, "thank Goddess for small favors. Okay, everyone. Out of bed and into the bath room." When a couple of them looked confused, she pointed to the bathroom door. She turned to where Marie lay on the far side of me. "Can you arrange for new bedding, please?"


    "Yes." Marie rolled out of bed and, after giving herself a good sniff and frowning, pulled on her maid''s uniform and headed out into the living room. I looked down to where Isnomi''d decided to chivvy the herd of kids into the bathroom.


    I planted a kiss on Saffron''s forehead, then sighed. "I''d kinda hoped for one last romp before I had to head back to work, but..."


    She shot me a lopsided smile. "I agree with you. That smell is rather a turn off, even if we weren''t surrounded by children."


    So instead, we wriggled our way out of the bed, trying to avoid any suspiciously damp spots. I led Saffron into the bathroom, where the kids had already started the tub filling, and were trying to start the fire to warm it up. Saffron reacted faster than I did, intervening before any of the kids lit themselves on fire. "Thank you so much for helping, children, but fire is dangerous."


    "I know how to light fires!" one of the little ones complained.


    While Saffron got the fire going, I walked over and crouched down in front of the little fire starter. "What''s your name, kid?"


    "Liam! Liam Lancaster!" That kind of explained it, I guessed.


    Still, if Larry, Lachlan, and Leonard could learn, so could this kid. "That''s great, Liam. Were you going to use Mana to start the fire?"


    Constipated kumquat look. The water, I tell you. "No. My tutor says I must learn to channel Mana reliably before I can learn to shape it."


    "Aw, that sucks." Liam''s eyes got a little wide, like he''d expected me to tell him off for impatience or something. "Wanna know a secret?" When his head bobbled, I stage-whispered, "I had problems channeling Mana too." I nodded as not only his eyes go wide, but a lot of the other kids'' did as well. "It takes some practice to get it right. If you don''t do it right? Shaping doesn''t even work right. You could try to shape a fire bolt and wind up shaping a warm breeze, or blowing yourself up, or, I dunno, healing the thing you''re trying to firebolt."


    You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.


    "Really?"


    I nodded. "Really. I mean, it''s never happened to me yet, because I learned to channel sorta properly before I tried shaping." A few days before, but he didn''t need to know that. "But I read that bit about making the wrong shape in my textbook. I don''t know about you, but I wouldn''t want to risk Fire Bolting someone you want to Heal. Right?"


    I dunno who he''d thought about healing, but he got real serious looking and said, "No. No I wouldn''t."


    "Good on you, then. Just keep at it. Practice as much as your tutor says you can."


    He looked mulish again, asking, "why not practice as much as I can?"


    I ran my index finger over some of my scars. "You see these?"


    "Yeah?"


    "One of the things I did to get them was channeling too much Mana too fast. For a while I couldn''t even Shape anything too hard. I still don''t know if I can shape as much as I could before I injured myself." Kinda funny, Liam had more or less shoved his way to the front of the bath line, but with him focused on me a gaggle of kids had snuck past into the warm water, where Saffron had slipped in with them and knelt there directing the gradual transmutation of dirty kids into clean ones.


    "What did you do to hurt yourself like that?"


    I rolled my eyes a little and tried to distract him. "I just told you, I Shaped too much Mana too fast."


    Unfortunately, little Liam was at least as stubborn as his... dad? Brothers? Uncle? Kin. kin worked. "No, I mean why were you shaping that much Mana?"


    Fortunately, my Kitten could multitask and came riding to the rescue. "She defeated two armies by herself."


    Little Liam looked a little impressed, even. "She''s been in two battles?"


    "No, just the one, really."


    That drew a frown out of him. "She fought against both armies in a single battle?"


    Saffron took a moment to lift the latest clean kid out of the tub and point them at the pile of towels we''d pulled out of one of the armoires. Then she said, "it''s possible to have more than two armies in a battle. On this occasion, there would have been four. The Grand Army of Phileo City and Newark..."


    "I know that one! Uncle Laurence told me my grandfather is leading it!"


    Saffron just nodded as she helped the next kid get clean. "He was. Technically he still is, I guess, but for now he''s mostly doing Council work. But he wouldn''t even be doing that had Tabitha," she nodded to me, "not warned me of New Amsterdam''s treachery in time. She then went on to destroy the army that came out from behind Newark''s walls, as well as defeating the army they''d sent to Camden Yards."


    He got a booger look and said, "but they''re miles and miles apart? How could she be at both battles?"


    I Co-Located behind him, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "like this."


    His eyes got real big as he twisted his head back and forth, trying to see both of me at the same time. I obliged him by scooting towards myself, ignoring the inevitable feedback. "Could you teach me how to do that? Is it an illusion or something?"


    I poked him in both shoulders, Co-Locating another of myself behind him to poke him in the backs of his shoulders as well. "Not an illusion." Then I stepped back into myself and said, "I don''t mind teaching you, eventually, but..."


    Saffron chimed in. "She showed me how to do it, but I only can because I''ve practiced my basic Mana control enough that I can do it efficiently."


    He looked back at me and asked, "if I get good enough at my shaping, can you teach me how to do that?"


    I smiled at him. "I can try. I''m not the world''s best teacher, but I promise I''ll give it my best shot, if I can."


    He frowned. "If you can?"


    Saffron fielded the question. "Tabitha has almost made a habit out of hurting herself so badly she can''t shape Mana at all until she heals."


    "I didn''t think you even could heal stuff like that. My Mana Shaping Tutor says you can''t."


    I shrugged. "I''m just really good at it. But even now, like a month or two after the battle, I''m still not up to where I was before it. You just gotta get good, scrub."


    When he heard that, he turned back to the tub, where Saffron had all the remaining kids washing themselves. He practically cannonballed into the tub, then grabbed a loofa looking sponge and started scrubbing at himself. "I''m gonna get good and scrubbed!"


    Mature woman that I am, I kept myself from laughing on the outside. "Still gotta learn the Mana Shaping, but getting and staying clean can''t hurt."


    Right about then Marie arrived with a bundle of assorted clothing for the guests at Isnomi''s impromptu sleepover. We got them all dried off and dressed, with Liam making obvious envious looks at Isnomi''s uniform. I decided to head an incipient rebellion off at the pass. "Not without your uncle''s permission, kiddo."


    Apparently he''d gotten his daily doses of feudal indoctrination, at least, so he just hung his head and said, "okay."


    I didn''t want to ruin his whole day, so I said, "I''ll talk to him first, just to make sure he''s not totally against it."


    "Thank you, Tabitha!"


    The kids joined us at breakfast, as did some really appreciative looking mothers. What with kids staying in their mothers'' rooms, apparently until puberty hit, I can totally get why. A full night''s sleep without any concerns beyond ''will my kids be okay'' is a hell of a bribe. Even there, they''d apparently seen Marie''s way with kids, and guessed correctly that anybody trying to hurt kids in her general vicinity would wind up short some limbs. We got bacon and eggs with our waffles today. Solid breakfast.


    Over the course of the day I managed to get in touch with Angel, Bill, Fred, and Linus to let them know how we''d managed to pay at least a cursory visit to all the Lancaster farmsteads, then Translocated them and their units to the two bridge villages with orders to clear the roads between them and Lancaster House. Other than that, I just dropped a single Sergeant-led unit at each of the abandoned farms with orders to gather up any useful supplies, including livestock, and make their way back to Lancaster House. They weren''t going to clear the roads entirely, but then those farmsteads didn''t really need roads at this point.


    For the rest of the day? I practiced my scrying, checking the signal flags Saffron had apparently ordered. Green for ''everything''s fine'', Yellow for ''we need something'', and Red for ''Plague outbreak, Calverton Attack, or other Immediate Urgent Danger''. I mean, I could have just Translocated there, which I did for the last few of the day, but I needed to get out of the habit of brute forcing my Scrying through the Mortal World. By the end of the day, I''d done my Scrying the right way at least half the time.


    Who knew doing something the right way could be so much easier?

 Day Two Hundred And Thirty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    It''s weird how for all that my friends and I back in Camden made ''we don''t know nothing'' such an integral part of our personalities, most of us spent a ridiculous amount of time wiki-surfing and soaking up information like sponges. Most of it would have been useless back there, and even more of it is meaningless in the here and now, but now and then something jumps up and grabs my attention.


    So at dinner, where I sat next to Bonnie and across from Raven, I brought up Liam''s uniform wants. "Apparently Isnomi''s starting a trend; your nephew Liam wants a uniform."


    Larry got a bit of a constipated look at that, at least until Bonnie leaned over and laid her hand on his. "It means he wants to be a Hero, love. It''s not a bad thing, really."


    In response, Larry heaved a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. The one that wasn''t currently held in one of Bonnie''s, of course. "I suppose you''re right. I just don''t want to..." He trailed off, obviously getting lost inside his own head.


    "On the one hand, I kinda get you, Larry. You don''t want him thinking he''s up to throwing down with a dragon. You sure as shit don''t want someone else thinking that and hiding behind him when there''s a Dragon in the room trying to eat people. But if you don''t nurture that Hero thing, along with, y''know, explaining to him what being a Hero really means, he''s likely to wind up like Charlie and the other pieces of shit formerly known as Lancaster."


    Lachlan barked out, "hey, my kid wouldn''t do that kind of thing!"


    I shook my head, looked him right in the eyes, and said, "Lachlan, before they did what they did to Bonnie, would you have thought they could do something like that?"


    He looked a little thoughtful, a weird look on Lachlan. Apparently becoming an official Hero really does make somebody smarter. "No. I guess not."


    "And why''s that?"


    He thought a little more, then got a wry smile as he shook his head. "Because they were Lancasters."


    I nodded. "Yeah. That whole nature versus nurture debate is as old as parents and kids. Thing is, neither side''s entirely right. Every kid is born with tendencies, stuff they''re prone to, stuff they like and dislike, stuff they have trouble with. The nurture part comes in when you, as a parent, tell them what''s acceptable and what''s not, what''s desirable and what''s not. Like..." I paused. "No offense, but at a guess I''d say one thing every Lancaster has? Ambition."


    Both Lachlan and Larry opened their mouths, worked them a bit like they wanted to disagree, but neither of them could come up with a good argument against it. Finally Bonnie said, "it''s not a bad thing, love."


    I nodded to her. "She''s right. Ambition is just a kind of drive. Something that pushes you. If you''ve got a shit ton of ambition, and I think any kid who is trying to learn Shaping to become a Hero when they''re barely out of diapers qualifies, you''re gonna find some way to express that. If nobody gives you any guidance, you''re gonna pick easy ways to express it, and a lot of those easy ways wind up in tears, whether it''s the kid''s when they get hurt, their parents when they get dead, or somebody else''s when the butcher''s bill lands on somebody else."


    "You say that like you''ve got some personal experience with it."


    I shrugged. "Not a huge amount, I guess. But some. Until I got into the Academy, power was just a pipe dream, a fantasy to distract me from a shitty life. But yeah, once I realized I wanted it, I started pushing myself for it, and..." I laid my right hand on the table where they all could see it. It still had the stripes from where I''d burned my fingers with a Mana Blade the day of my Court Martial. "In a way? I''ve gotten lucky."


    "How the fuck can you say you''ve gotten lucky?" blurted Raven. When I shot her a look she shrugged and explained, "I''ve been the one to do immediate First Aid a couple of the times you passed out. Like, before Saffron got here. Other times I''ve helped her haul your ass around when Marie didn''t come with her. I''ve seen your scars." When the others looked at her, she said, "she''s got more scars all over her than the Map... I mean Scrying Room has roads."


    When the others looked at me, I nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, that''s about right. Most of them from the Battles of the Walls. But not all of them. I''ve picked up others here and there. Some small pinprick ones in the backs of my hands from the Moon Temple. I didn''t even notice getting them. Some from saving Bill. A shit ton from the Walls, like I said. Some from dealing with that Dragon. But, and this is why I count myself lucky, almost every scar that can be traced back to me is either on me or somebody who really deserved it."


    "Almost?" Lachlan''s question wasn''t loud, but I could tell he really wanted to know, or I''d have told him to fuck off. Shit, I almost did anyway, but then I reminded myself that this whole conversation started out talking about nature versus nurture, and how that nurture could turn innate traits positive or negative. Fuck, now I was momming Lachlan. Again, I think. How the fuck did I wind up Team Mom?


    I heaved a sigh and said, "Angel. Bill. Any of the Levies who survived me at the Walls. I could go on, but I try not to think about it too much, just try to remember to watch where I''m pointed when I go off, y''know?"


    Lachlan smiled. "You make yourself sound like a weapon."


    I didn''t say anything. After a few moments, I slid a single carefully controlled Mana Blade out of the back of my hand. Then another pointing upward out of each shoulder. Little ones out the backs of my elbows.


    Right about then Larry cut in. "Maybe you are."


    I pulled them back in. "We all are."


    Bonnie''s face fell. "I never wanted to be a weapon."


    I laid a hand on her shoulder. "Hey there, don''t get down about it. We all are, yeah, but it''s not like the world is such a kind and gentle place that weapons aren''t needed. Shit, I''d love it if I never had to pop a Mana Blade again, if I never had to kill somebody again, if I never had to make someone piss themselves in terror. But..."


    I let that hang until Raven, probably the least patient person at the table, said, "but what?"


    I tried to resist, but I couldn''t. "Chicken butt." I snickered a little, then shook my head when everybody gave me weird looks. "Sorry, Raven. Old in-joke, you hadda be there. But seriously? Being able to do all that? Means that one of those wyverns didn''t get to fuck with the rest of my friends. That the Dragon spent so much time trying to kill my sorry ass that he didn''t have much left over to kill you guys or our Volunteers. That Oliver and Octavio Orange learned not to fuck with Phileo and the Yards. Ever. Again. That my adorable little rugrat left the Temple of the Moon alive and Artemis'' High Priestess didn''t." I paused, looked each of the others in the eyes. "Being a weapon means that I can protect the people I care about."


    This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.


    I watched as Bonnie and Larry both curled their fingers, then intertwined them. Before anybody else could say anything, I finished with, "Being a weapon, everyone knowing you''re a weapon, means that nobody with half a brain will ever fuck with your kids."


    Lachlan nodded, and I focused on him for a moment. "And you? Your kid wants to become a weapon. At least in part because he has no idea what that means, the prices that somebody will eventually have to pay. You need to be there for that little man, showing and telling him what it means, how not to be a despicable piece of shit like your cousins when he finally gets to the top of that hill and becomes the weapon he wants to be."


    I almost didn''t hear Bonnie''s whisper. "What if becoming a weapon means I can''t have kids?"


    I heaved a sigh. "Shit. I dunno. Part of me is thinking ''we all pay some kinda price'', but most of me? Is just thinking ''why the fuck would it mean that''? Sometimes I feel like every time I do it it chips something away from me, like I get a little more reckless, a little more arrogant, a little less... I dunno. Human? But if my humanity is the price for helping my friends? Fuck it. Probably overrated anyhow."


    "But..."


    "But nothing, Bonnie. You want to have kids?"


    She nodded.


    "You want more than just adoptees and nieces and nephews?"


    She looked down at her plate. The discussion had come up shortly after we''d started eating, and most of our pork chops had already started to go cold. "When you say it like that, it makes me sound... greedy."


    I shrugged. "You gonna turn away kids who need a family?"


    She looked at me, horror in her eyes, shaking her head. "NO!"


    "Then fuck it. You''re not greedy, you just want to see a crotch goblin running around with Larry''s eyes and your hair or some shit like that. Nothing greedy about that. Greedy would be stealing kids from their parents, or making other people''s kids go hungry just so you could have them." I slapped my hands on the table and stood. "Larry, you mind if I steal Bonnie from you for a bit?"


    He got this stupid mulish look in his eyes, and before he could see if he could fit his whole fuckin'' leg in his mouth I cut him off saying, "I promise she''ll come back no worse for wear than she is now."


    Larry''s mulish look got a little less mulish, but he still asked, "How long?"


    "I dunno. Maybe just a couple hours, maybe for the night, maybe a day or two."


    "Why, exactly, do you want to steal my bride away for ''a day or two''?"


    I shook my head and chuckled. "Larry, you are such a doofus. What, you think I''m gonna steal her away and turn her to the dark side? Or get her pregnant while she''s away?" I remembered Sister Siobhan''s first words to Saffron and I, and my chuckles moved closer to outright laughter. "Remember, Larry, despite everything, I''m not a guy. No trouser snake in my trousers. Same for Saffron, and the only long dangly bit Marie has is her tail. If she comes back pregnant, it''s because she already is, and I''m one hundred percent sure that if she is, it''s yours."


    He worked his mouth for a bit, looking for words, shaking his head. Finally he set one elbow on the table and lowered his face into his palm. "Now I feel greedy. For wanting my wife to have our child."


    "Shit, Larry, if her mom''s anything to go by, you''ll need to pluralize that within a year or two." I turned to Bonnie. "You want his kids specifically, right?"


    "How can you even ask that?"


    I shook my head again. "I''m not the one who needs to hear it, Bonnie."


    She stopped with her mouth open, then closed it with an audible snap. Then she turned to Larry, took his face between her palms, and pulled him into a relatively chaste kiss. "Yes, Laurence Lancaster, I want to bear your children, and no others." With a wry glance at me she said, "as many as I can, as Tabitha has so rightly deduced."


    I shrugged. "Hey, some people like going through the motions, others want their partners firing for effect. I don''t judge. Okay, maybe just a little, because you''d have to be just a little bit cray cray to want one, let alone a whole herd of them."


    Lachlan interrupted. "But, you''ve got one, and you always seem like you like spending time with her."


    I looked him straight in the eye and said, "at what point did anyone with a working brain and sensory organs call me sane?"


    "Point."


    "Okay. You ready to go see if the Lady Parts are working, and what we need to do if they''re not?"


    Bonnie pulled Larry into another kiss, then took a deep breath, standing straight and squaring her shoulders as she did. "I''m ready, Let''s go before I lose my nerve."


    I nodded, took her hand, and stepped back to the Academy. The moment we arrived in our outer room, Saffron squeaked from behind me. I turned to see her lying in our bed, shoulders bare, the sheets pulled up to cover her. "Tabitha!"


    "Yes, Kitten?" I tried, but couldn''t quite keep the laughter out of my voice.


    "Warn a body when you''re bringing guests home." She paused, looking back and forth between Bonnie and I, then at our hands. "Or did you Just Happen to someone again?"


    I let go of Bonnie''s hand, laughter erupting as I did. That only got worse when the adjoining door opened and Isnomi rushed out hollering, "Mama''th home!"


    I think Bonnie wanted to sink into the floor, but even in Intermediate Heroic Skills we hadn''t gotten a lesson on how to do that, so she just had to stand there looking overwhelmed, even moreso when Marie came in and helped Saffron into her comfy civvies. Eventually I got enough control over myself to say, "Bonnie''s got some medical questions, and I figure between you and Sister Siobhan you could find an answer."


    She looked at me, a bit of a sour look on her face as she said, "why do I think that if I were to invite Doctor DeLeon to consult, Bonnie might object?"


    "Because you''re the smartest person I know, and that includes at least three Deities?"


    She rolled her eyes as Bonnie mouthed the words ''three Deities'' with a look of disbelief. "Yeah, Loki has shown me off a couple times. Apparently I''m some kind of hot commodity. Isnomi wanting me to play with her, Loki showing me off, Maenads having their way with me, the Imperator herself using me like her own personal love doll. It''s exhausting."


    "You love it, all of it, and you know it." Saffron shook her head, and stepped over to Bonnie, then waved her hands through motions that looked almost like an Assess Health.


    Before I could reply, Marie cut in saying, "Yes."


    I barked out a laugh, then said, "Yeah. I do. I really, really do." Then I looked at Bonnie and said, "all that? Kinda what makes the scars worth it."


    She laughed nervously, trying to ignore Saffron obviously tossing more detection spells around her. "Are they really all that bad?"


    I shrugged. "Just us girls here." I pulled off my jacket and threw it on the bed, then did the same with my blouse.


    Bonnie gasped. "I had no idea. I thought Raven was exaggerating."


    "Was she?"


    She shook her head. "If anything she downplayed it." She looked me in the eye. "Do they hurt?"


    "Only when I overuse Mana. Otherwise they just look...  pretty intense."


    She looked down, obviously glancing at her right hand. "How did you... what did..." She trailed off, looking at Saffron kinda helplessly.


    Saffron glanced at her, then spoke as she went back to moving things I couldn''t see around in front of herself. "When I look at Tabitha, I don''t see those, or any of the others she''d have to strip further to show off, or the ones that would require an in depth medical exam to find. I see Tabitha. My wife, mother to my daughter, my partner and my love. Just like when Larry looks at you? He doesn''t see your hand or your teeth. He sees you. Not as a brood mare, either."


    "But I want to have his children!"


    Saffron finally smiled. "That''s fine. If that''s what you want, I''ve yet to meet a man worth shit who would deny his wife that. But he doesn''t see you as some kind of Heir producing device, I''m sure."


    "But... I want to," she repeated, kind of winding down.


    Saffron made a few gestures, by the way she stopped glancing around everywhere putting her diagnostic tools away. "So let''s make sure you can have them."


    Two steps toward the door she turned to me and facepalmed. "As soon as my Goof puts her shirt back on, unless she intends on flashing her scars and tits to everyone in the dorm."


    Up until that moment I hadn''t really intended to, but once she said it? You know I couldn''t back down. I picked up my jacket, tossed it over one shoulder with two fingers holding the collar, and said, "Let''s do this!"


    Probably not my best decision ever, but how was I supposed to know Sister Siobhan would faint and faceplant right after we walked into the Infirmary?

 Day Two Hundred And Thirty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, at some point if people keep reacting to me the way they do, I''m gonna start thinking I''m charismatic, or cute, or sexy or something. Well, at least that other people think I am, which just proves their lack of good sense.


    Saffron is brilliant. This doesn''t mean she has common sense.


    I mean, more than me, sure, but if that bar were any lower it would be subterranean.


    So anyway, after we stood Sister Siobhan back up again... twice... she managed to stay upright long enough to go through all her little diagnostic prayers, aiming them first at Bonnie''s general belly region, then at her arm, then back at her belly, then at her teeth, then her arm again, then her belly. "I''m sorry, Bonita, but this doesn''t seem to make sense."


    Bonnie heaved a sigh. "So I''m barren?"


    "No! No, no, no, that''s not what I mean at all." Sister Siobhan heaved a sigh. "I can''t guarantee you''re not, either, unfortunately." She shook her head. "I can''t help but feel that my own... ah... fatigue isn''t helping. I know this is a pressing matter for you, but could you possibly come back in the morning, when I''m rested?"


    Bonnie forced a smile. "Of course."


    We walked back upstairs, me with my jacket slung over my shoulders. I''d done that much because I didn''t want to keep rebooting the Sister, but I wasn''t about to put my arms in the sleeves. The jacket? Definitely made of wool, and it made my scars itch like a bitch.


    While we''d been down in the Infirmary, I''d been practicing a little Co-Location with Saffron. Not for that; while Sister Siobhan did her diagnostics, Saffron had picked my brain about everything I remembered about lady bits from my health classes back at Eastside. Okay, most of what I knew I''d learned from the Internet, with the rest from Eastside''s library''s copy of Grey''s Anatomy. The actual reference book, not the show. I''m not quite enough of a dumbass to take television shows as actual medical advice. By the time we got Bonnie all the way back upstairs to our room, I''d traced out the basics; vagina, uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries. Then explained what each one did. Okay, I didn''t have to explain what a vagina did. That one''s pretty self-explanatory, although of course because I''m me I had to add not just the clitoris mons, but the whole nerve bundle in the picture.


    Hey, I take my hobbies very seriously. Not that actual boinking was really a hobby of mine back at Eastside. Spectator sport and solo play, yeah, and both at the same time on embarrassingly frequent occasions, but my life prior to being Isekai''d bore a depressing similarity to Tomoko Kuroki. Okay, I wasn''t pervy enough to go watching live people going at it in person, I stuck to professional paid actors, thank you very much.


    Okay, there was that one time, but they were both so high they didn''t realize they were doing it in, y''know, my bed. I''d kinda been hoping for some three way action, but no, they both fuckin'' forgot I was there. While fuckin''. Also, I was already halfway there before they left me hanging. Jerks. Also, also I was young and impressionable and stupid. Which, considering that happened like a week before I got Isekai''d? Just speaks to my impressive growth as a person, right?


    So by the time Bonnie got back up to our room, Saffron had half a dozen screens up in front of her. One of them displayed something that looked like what I remembered from using Assess Health myself. Another had the bjorked version I remembered from Saffron''s work on trying to figure out if our daughter was actually healthy or just, I dunno, faking it or some shit. I remember doing that way back when my mom was still alive. Seriously, back before she died I didn''t have a wide screen or a console, so going to school was better than staying home, even when I was sick. At school I could ditch class and hit the library. At home? I just had to lay there with a quarter-inch layer of off-brand vapo-rub on my chest, running to piss like every half hour from the amount of cheap lemon-lime soda mom poured down my throat.


    Her chicken soup was so good though. I kinda wish I''d learned how to make it. Then again, probably best that I didn''t. She got too sick to make it when I was still a little kid, and I''m sure nostalgia made it taste better in my memories than it would if I tried to make it.


    "Marie?"


    "Yes?"


    "Can you make me some chicken soup?"


    "Now?"


    I shook my head. "Nah. But next time we''re here for dinner or lunch or whatever?"


    "Yes."


    "Thanks, Marie. Love you."


    Bonnie gasped a little at that, and I put my arm around her and pulled her close enough to speak softly and still be sure she heard me. "Just so you know, I think Marie is still under standing orders from Saffron to painfully execute anybody who expresses disapproval over our concubine''s deep and loving connection to both of us."


    She just laughed at me. "One, if I may throw your own words back at you without really understanding all of them, been there, done that, burned the tee shirt, didn''t buy any tchotchkes. Two, I wasn''t surprised by her. I''ve never heard someone declare their love for their concubine in front of their wife and not wind up in some kind of hot water."


    I shook my head, mock-serious. "Oh, no. Marie doesn''t like getting in the tub. Does horrible things to her fur. She winds up looking like a half-drowned cat." I let go the grim look and continued, "besides, the whole ''concubine'' title is her idea. I''d marry her in a heartbeat if she and Saffron were okay with it."


    Saffron, who''d been walking along behind us with, when I looked through her eyes, another two screens of information open in front of her, muttered, "I''d be perfectly fine with it, although I suppose that would mean I''d have to marry her too. Not that I''d really mind, although Isnomi''s jacket tag would get a little crowded, and we''d have to find yet another godmother for her."


    "See? We''re all one big happy family, and she''s a concubine because she wants to be and we''re not going to tell her otherwise."


    Bonnie opened her mouth to say something, but in an uncharacteristic bout of polysyllabic speech, Marie said, "Absolutely."


    Right about then we got to the room, and Saffron de-Co-Located, all of her open screens flowing to face one of her. I still couldn''t see them myself, but kept half an eye looking through her eyes so I could cuddle her without getting in her way. "Bonnie?" she asked as I wormed my way in behind Saffron and put my arms around her waist.


    "Yeah?"


    "It looks like this may take a couple days, if you''re okay with that?"


    She heaved a sigh. "I really don''t want to be away from Larry that long, but... will it help if I stay here?"


    "Possibly. I can''t be certain, of course, but having to run and fetch you if I think of something might jostle it loose from my head."


    Bonnie nodded, her expression firming up. "Then I''ll stay. As long as I need to."


    Saffron wriggled her way free and wandered into the other room. "You can take our bed; it''s been a while since we all slept in Marie''s." The smile that stretched her lips when she said that? Even more adorable because I don''t think she''d done it on purpose.


    "Yay! Sweepower!"


    "I don''t think that word means quite what you think it means, Menace. Not complaining, just observing." The three of us tossed our dirty clothes in the laundry pile and flopped onto the padded floor while Saffron sat on the chair and kept poking at her screens. Bonnie blushed a little at the casual nudity, but after months of not wearing sandpaper to bed, I wasn''t about to start now, what with her sleeping in the other room, wearing a borrowed shift-nightgown on top of that.


    When Saffron finally cracked a yawn so big it forced her eyes closed? Utterly adorkable the way she tried to keep working. "Come to bed, Kitten. You''ll do better in the morning if you start fresh."


    Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    She smiled as she stripped and flopped on the floor on the far side of me from Isnomi, who''d wormed her way between Marie and I. "I have rather been chasing my own tail for the past half hour or so. You''re probably right."


    In the morning we woke up to find Bonnie had, at some point in the night, snuck in and spooned up behind Saffron. When we all woke up, she stuttered out, "I... I can''t seem to sleep alone any more. Not well at least."


    I twisted myself around to face her, then reached over Saffron to pull her into a hug. It also kinda sandwiched Saffron in between us, but that was a feature, not a bug. "It''s okay, Bonnie. Despite the ubiquitous euphemism, ''sleeping together'' is not actually sex."


    She snarked back, "really?" giving me a wide-eyed ingenue look as she did.


    I nodded, going full serious. "Yes. Sex is when a man and a woman... wait, when two adults... well, when two or more adults..." by this time Bonnie''s fake ingenue look broke down and she started snickering, which I of course took as reason to turn things up to eleven. "when some number of consenting adults attempt to make some other, possibly overlapping group of consenting adults achieve orgasm through any number of methods." By this point Bonnie had straight up lost it; I think she''d have literally been rolling on the floor laughing if I hadn''t kept her pulled into a hug with Saffron still sandwiched in between us.


    Her voice muffled by the way I''d shoved her face in my tits, Saffron said, "I don''t think Bonnie consented to be party to what you''re doing right now."


    I shrugged, enjoying Saffron''s reaction before I let go of Bonnie, who absolutely rolled away laughing. "We weren''t having sex, that was just a friendly hug between friends. Friends without sex benefits, just to be clear. Because consent is important." At that point Saffron, who hadn''t really moved away when I let go of Bonnie, hummed that little seven note tune I''d come to know and, apparently, lust after, as my whole body tightened up. "Yeah, Kitten? You remember that Pavlov thing?"


    She pulled away just enough to look me in the eyes, her gaze overflowing with mischief, the Grin in full effect. "Yes, beloved Goof?"


    "Totally working."


    "Good." She pushed herself away and to her feet. "We''ll have to explore that once we''ve come to some kind of conclusion with Bonnie."


    That started an entire day of Co-Location practice, as one of me stayed in our suite playing with Isnomi, in maximum Goof Mode to distract Bonnie from Saffron''s apparent lack of progress. Another of me spent the day in the Scrying Room, where I''d commandeered another few punch bowls to see how many farmsteads I could maintain a scry on simultaneously. Turns out I can do three; when I Shape the fourth I lose my concentration on one of the others. Nobody raised a red flag, nor even a yellow, so I just sat there scrying, occasionally answering questions for Raven, Lachlan, and Larry. Saffron, of course, was Co-Located to do her Imperator thing, although I''m pretty sure she didn''t put much effort into it, because by the time lunch rolled around, she had a dozen of those screens up, and had pulled Sister Siobhan up to our suite to consult about Bonnie.


    I''m pretty sure her biggest contribution was having a normal set of adult lady bits that weren''t Blended or potentially made out of shadow stuff, but fuck it, she wanted to help and that helped.


    We spent the night in our suite again, because Bonnie didn''t want to face Larry without an answer.


    Larry, of course, felt some kinda way when I told him, asking me, "Is she going to be okay?"


    I shrugged. "Maybe a little bored, and I worry about how she''ll feel if she can''t have kids and we can''t fix it, but we''re making sure she eats and sleeps and doesn''t do something stupid."


    That got a sigh of relief from him. "Can you do me a favor?"


    "Sure. Whatcha need?"


    "Should there be some risk she needs to take, please don''t let her risk herself. I would rather my brother''s child becomes Heir than live without her."


    I hadn''t really thought about it before, but in the here and now, thinking about dynasties wasn''t just some kind of weird affectation of the wealthy and powerful. ''Heir'' wasn''t just a fancy way of saying ''rich and gonna get richer''. It was a Title that actually meant something. I looked at him, sighed, and shook my head just a little. "That''s not a decision you can make for her, Larry. But I''ll remind her that you said that. Because while I know she''d risk herself to have your kids, I think if she thinks about it, she''ll realize she''d rather have a life with you rather than having to, y''know, wait for you in Hel."


    "I don''t have to ask if you''d Revive her."


    "Damn straight you don''t, but I dunno where the line is on that, whether whatever Siobhan and Saffron come up with will make it impossible if it goes exactly wrong."


    He nodded. "Thank you, Commander." He shook his head a little. "Thank you, Tabitha."


    "No problem, Larry. It''s what friends do, man."


    Today, along with Co-Locating to our day jobs and Saffron diving into the deep magic behind global spells in general and Assess Health in particular, scanning Siobhan, me, Marie, Isnomi, and Bonnie each at least once an hour? When Saffron mentioned me getting Loki to help look into things, Siobhan said, "oh. Oh, my. I''m sorry, I still don''t really think about being the High Priestess of Canta for Phileo. I''ll ask him if he can help in any way..." she trailed off, then looked at Saffron, head tilted. "Ought you not consult with..." I''d never really thought about Siobhan being ''courageous'', but despite her obvious tightly controlled terror, she managed to say, "Mimic?" in a reasonable approximation of her normal voice.


    Saffron, of course, just raised an eyebrow without stilling her hands or looking away from all the information floating in front of her. "Not every Clergyperson need move their lips to pray, Sister. I have consulted with Mimic since I began this effort." Siobhan''s face went beet red, I couldn''t tell if it was from embarrassment, fear, or something else. I also got a massive hit of ''fucking adorkable and adorkably fuckable'' from that, but my Kitten had made it really clear that until we came to some conclusion, there would be zero nookie for anyone in the room. Of course right about then she had to start humming that little seven note tune.


    That''s really distracting.


    Laughter bubbled through her reply. You aren''t doing anything that will matter if you''re distracted.


    Hello? Scrying?


    You''re doing that as much for practice as anything else, and this makes it Good Practice.


    Fuck. You''re right. Fuck.


    Not until we are done, Goof.


    I did not miss the number of syllables in that last phrase, because of course she said them in that little singsong. Cruel. My wife is cruel. The cruelest woman ever to cruel at someone.


    You love it and you know it. Seven. Fucking. Syllables.


    I do. Shall we go visit Loki?


    I wasn''t sure why we had to go visit, but I wasn''t about to say no. Every little bit of info got us closer to a solution got me a bit closer to the night of wild abandon that lurked in my future, taunting me with its current inaccessibility.


    We both Co-Located to the cave to find Loki all chained up, Sigyn leaning against the wall with her back to him, wearing her ''not so much a mini-skirt as a wide belt'' micro-mini-skirt and her boots. The moment we arrived, Saffron opened with, "Good Afternoon, Lord Loki, Lady Sigyn. Lord Loki, I need you to teach Tabitha how to scry on her world of origin."


    He heaved a sigh. Even the most adorkable of beaver dams and cock blocks was still frustrating. "Of course, daughter-in-law. If you would, love?" He nodded to the bonds keeping him from sitting up. Sigyn got one, I got the other. Still a little envious that she can just one hand one, where it takes me both hands and a little bit of lifting with the knees.


    "Oh, before we do that, would either of you mind if I cast some Divination magic on you? I need as broad a basis of comparison as possible."


    Sigyn shrugged. "Sure."


    After casting a couple different versions of Assess Health she''d cooked up, Saffron turned to Loki. "Could you be a female version of yourself, please?"


    He shrugged and shifted while remaining seated. He''d kept his size and coloration, but... "Oh, fuck, he''s hot."


    Sigyn barked out a laugh. "Now you see why I''m so jealous of him?"


    "Oh, hell to the yeah." I paused, struck by a sudden realization. "Fuck!" When Sigyn raised an eyebrow and Saffron just kept casting, I wailed, "I''m a girl-type-person. I''d managed to avoid the whole Elektra complex. I''m not supposed to have an Oedipus complex!"


    Sigyn slid down the wall laughing. Even Loki got a chuckle out of my deeply disturbing attraction. I mean, Loki''d totally fallen right into the ''dad'' slot in my emotional landscape, so the traitorous thought ''holy fuckballs my dad''s got an awesome rack'' should not have ever entered my brain. Let alone echoing back and forth until he shifted back when Saffron told him she''d finished. She carefully shut down all of her little informational windows, then dropped onto Loki''s bed next to him, clutching at her gut and laughing her fucking ass off.


    Not literally. That would be a tragedy, nothing to laugh about. After a bit, once the whole ''Tabitha can''t stop ogling'' wore off completely, I chuckled about it myself. Right up until Saffron whispered into my head, You''re turned on by your father. Fucking singsong.


    You love it and you know it.


    If I hadn''t been more certain that the payoff would eventually be worth it, even if Saffron had to break our bed, our soundproofing wards, and possibly causality to make it so? I might get pissed about how much she loved that little singsong tune.


    We spent the rest of the afternoon scrying on the world I''d come from. I wound up having to Translocate through the farmsteads checking up on things, but within about an hour I''d gotten the inter-universal scrying thing down, at which point Loki took over, since we had shit to do and I was still kinda slow about it. Saffron wound up looking over multiple someones'' shoulders at actual copies of Grey''s Anatomy, not to mention watching several academic YouTube videos and one fortuitously timed lecture at a medical school. By the time sunset turned the light from our window violet speckled with stars, Saffron had a tired but triumphant smile on her face.


    "You''ve got it?"


    She shook her head. "It''s not done yet, but now I know what I need to know to make it go. But not tonight. I''m exhausted." She turned to Sigyn and Loki. "Apologies for interrupting your day, and thank you for your help."


    Loki, who''d laid back down on his bed so Sigyn could lock him back down, said, "think nothing of it, daughter-in-law. You seek to make the world a better place. What better use could my powers be put to?"


    We got back to the Academy too late for dinner, but Marie''d brought up enough for everyone. After we ate, we all piled into the bed, because those of us who might have cared were too tired to do so, and Marie and Isnomi just loved sleeping in one big pile, the more the merrier.


    I couldn''t even be mad at Saffron, eyes closed with The Grin on her face, humming in my brain until she fell asleep.

 Day Two Hundred And Thirty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    There are times I think to myself, ''I have created a monster!'' when I look at Saffron or Isnomi. Then I look around at the world and remind myself, ''that''s a survival trait around here''. Also, is a beneficent monster really a monster?


    Saffron insisted on some kind of nightshirts for all of us, since we were hosting a guest. Isnomi wore one of her mom''s nightshirts, only on her it trailed out behind like a train, and her arms barely stuck out of the short sleeves. Marie wears a shift under her Maid''s uniform most of the time, so she was covered. Literally. Saffron had shifts of her own, and mine was only a little bit oversized for Bonnie. I''d say mine fit me, except Saffron pulled out the ''maid uniform'' she''d had Marie knock together for me. It really had more in common with a ''sexy maid cosplay'' than a real working uniform, but I refused to be embarrassed about something someone else chose for me to wear any more than I am to parade around naked. As I slipped it on, making an absolutely fake ''I have to wear this again'' face, Saffron snuggled up to me and whispered, "Pain Heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory..."


    I couldn''t help it. She''d managed to put that all to the same wonderfully frustrating singsong she''d been torturing me with. Whispering as well, I sang back, "lasts forever."


    So, all of us snuggled into bed, nominally dressed. Mimic had Mimic Dreams, although I swear she was navel gazing again for part of the night. Which is weird, considering all she seems to do, except maybe one action on All Hallow''s Eve, is chill and vibe. Maybe she was thinking up her next move in that stones game?


    When we woke in the morning, I snagged Marie before she left and had a quick whispered confab. She nodded, grabbed up Isnomi for a day of carting, then left for her busy day of Doing Marie Things. For her part, Saffron didn''t even take off her shift, just settled into the chair in front of her desk after spinning it around to face the room. I realized why when I took a look through her eyes after a few minutes. She had at least a dozen spell windows open, tinkering with stuff. Okay, mostly tinkering with one of the windows, which she focused on to the extent that the others showed up as little more than rectangular blurs.


    I spent the day practicing my scrying in Lancaster House''s Scrying Room. Today I didn''t do the ''scry on more than one Farmstead at once'' thing; instead I practiced minimizing the amount of time it took me to Scry. That wound up a little more tiring than trying to maintain a bunch at once; at a guess I figured when I was doing that doing ''slow and careful'' would be better than ''fast and sloppy''. Right before lunch Larry swung by and asked, "any progress with Bonita yet?"


    I shook my head, and he asked, "do you mind if I watch you Scry? Given that it''s got more than a sixth of Lancaster House''s first floor dedicated to it, I figure I ought to learn it if possible. I also doubt Odin is going to be blessing me with that Boon any time soon."


    I shrugged. "If you like. Let me know if you have any kind of trouble with it. Worst case, if it''s just not possible for you, that''s a Boon I can grant you as High Priestess of Loki."


    He lifted an eyebrow. "He would do that for one who has not taken him as Patron?"


    I shrugged again. "He can bitch at me if he doesn''t like it."


    I suppose I have told you that my reputation is yours to make.


    Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    So I managed to scry on all of the farmsteads over the course of the morning and early afternoon. Marie brought lunch up for the three of us in the suite; apparently she''d already attended to Isnomi''s lunch. A little after they''d normally stop serving lunch at the Academy, Saffron closed down almost all of her little spell windows, turned to me, and said, "could you please go get Sister Siobhan, love?"


    The very throttled excitement in her voice, so well throttled that I''m pretty sure Bonnie hadn''t caught it, inspired me to step directly to the Infirmary and ask, "hey Sister? You doing anything at the moment?"


    I''m not sure how or why she blushed that hard and fast at my question, but she stood from where she''d been seated at her desk and said, "nothing at the moment. I''m all yours."


    As I reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder, I said, "not me, Saffron needs you for something," about half of the sentence in our rooms.


    Saffron looked at Sister Siobhan and said, "may I Assess you, Sister?"


    When Sister Siobhan nodded, Saffron ran her hands through the Shape for Assessing, except she added a little something to the end. After a second or two looking at the results, she got the biggest smile I''d ever seen on her face, whisper-shouting, "yes!" She did a few more motions and some muttering, then took a deep breath and said, "could each of you please Assess me?"


    "Do we need to add that little motion at the end?"


    She shook her head. "No need."


    Right about then Sister Siobhan, who''d just said her little Assessing prayer, breathed out, "what have you done? What... how... I see..." Then she shook her head and said, "this is all your work?"


    Saffron smirked and said, "I''ve been working on a couple other things, so I couldn''t say it''s all of my work, but everything you''re seeing there is, indeed, my Shaping."


    While Siobhan started praying about that, I stepped a little closer to Saffron and said, "did you just modify a Global Spell?"


    She got a caffeinated squirrel look, including the excited vibration, and nodded her head while saying, "it''s still local to our rooms at the moment, but I''m set to release it to replace the old Global Spell as soon as I''m done testing."


    "Holy shit. What do you need to test?"


    Without her vibration slowing in the slightest, she said, "among other things, to have you test it."


    I took a deep breath, not unlike her earlier one, and said, "okay. Here goes." I Assessed her.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(126, 140, 141, 1); border-style: solid" border="1">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Assessment For:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">Saffron ''Kitten'' Aetos-Diaz</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Target Type:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">Hybrid Humanoid Biped (Bag / Human)</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">General Health:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">Healthy</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Conditions:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">Elevated Heart Rate, Elevated Blood Pressure</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Heart Rate:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">120 Beats Per Minute</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Blood Pressure:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">150 / 100</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Granular Assessment Data:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">Activate: ( Y / N )</td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    "Holy shit, Kitten! That''s one hell of an improvement over the old one!"


    Her brow furrowed a little. "Did you check the Granular Data?"


    I rolled my eyes, "you know I can''t make heads or tails of that stuff."


    She shook her head. "Yes, but I want to make sure it comes up for you."


    I nodded in submission to her logic. "Fair point." I mentally poked a ''yes'' at the window still floating in front of me, at which point it rolled out the old version of the Assess Health information. "Yep. Still there. Still makes my head hurt just trying to make heads or tails out of it."


    At that point Bonnie, who''d been sitting on our bed reading the copy of Law & Custom I still hadn''t returned, walked into the bedroom, set the book carefully down on our desk, and said, fear and excitement in equal measure in her voice, "are you ready for me?"


    Saffron shook her head. "Almost. Could you shape an Assess Health on me, please?"


    Bonnie didn''t ask, just Shaped the Spell. After blinking a bit, which frankly I''d probably have done too, "it says your heart rate and blood pressure are elevated?"


    If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.


    Saffron blushed a little, smirking while she did it. "Yeah. I think I know the cause, though. I''m maybe a wee bit excited."


    "I''m just impressed you haven''t started dancing around in circles and screaming with joy, Kitten."


    She took another deep breath, and I noticed the ''Elevated Blood Pressure'' entry leave my Assess Health screen, and the line with her Blood Pressure did the same. "I have not forgotten why we started this endeavor. Even if I did learn quite a bit about Global Spells while doing so." She stood, motioned for Bonnie to sit in the chair, then stepped back and Shaped an Assess Health pointed at Bonnie. While she did that, I turned to Sister Siobhan, who stood where she''d been, eyes closed, hands clasped together, silently mouthing words. Praying to Canta, at a guess. By her frequent pauses, actually talking with him.


    "Goof? Could you please go get Doctor DeLeon? I''d like his opinion, both on Bonita''s condition and on my new Assess Health."


    I shrugged, stepped to the Men''s Infirmary, and said, "Hey, Doc? Have you got a minute? Saffron needs you to check on something up in our room."


    He''d spun his chair to face me when I started talking, and now he opened and closed his mouth a couple times before saying, "before I come with you, I should let you know that I am utterly uncertain as to whether dallying with either or both of you would be ethical or not, and as such am not available for such activities."


    I couldn''t help but simultaneously be a little offended and chuckling. "Hey, it''s not like I''m banging half the Academy or something like that."


    "Really? Huh. You have a bit of a reputation. Stupid of me to have listened to it, but better safe than sorry where ethics are concerned."


    I shrugged. "Hey, it''s not that neither of us would, it''s just not what we need you for at the moment."


    "Answers like that are in and of themselves probably the reason for the reputation." He pushed himself to his feet. "Well then, lead on."


    I lay a hand on his shoulder and stepped us both back to the bedroom. Bonnie started a little bit, probably because she still didn''t have more than her shift on, but I think realizing that Saffron didn''t have any more than that on either kept her from freaking out. Saffron nodded to Doc DeLeon and said, "thank you for coming so quickly, Doctor. Could you please Assess Bonnie''s Health?"


    Doc DeLeon nodded, turned to Bonnie, and said, "as you''re not in any obvious immediate danger, do you consent to this, Cadet Obol?"


    "It''s Obol-Lancaster now, Doctor. But yes, I consent."


    He nodded, waved his hands through the motions, first of Assess Health, then after a moment''s concentration, paging through the results. "Congratulations! I take it we have you to thank for the improvements to Assess Health, Cadet Aetos? Pardon, Cadet Aetos-Diaz?"


    "Yes. When Sister Siobhan is done praying, should she concur, I intend to replace the old one globally." She then kinda held her breath until Doc DeLeon replied.


    "Everyone here has attempted the Shape and had it work for them?"


    She nodded. "Yes."


    "Then I concur; from what I''ve read those who historically created or changed Global Spells didn''t even do that much testing before implementing them. I commend your thoroughness."


    "Thank you, Doctor."


    Right then Siobhan''s hands dropped slowly to her sides as she stared at Saffron. "I don''t think my concurrence is really necessary."


    Saffron looked at her and said, "I heartily disagree. You, in fact, are the one person whose concurrence I valued most, if only slightly more than Doctor DeLeon." At Doc DeLeon''s raised eyebrow, she said, "I mean no disrespect, Doctor, but while you are an accomplished caster and Healer, Sister Siobhan is a High Priestess of a God of Healing."


    Doc DeLeon''s brow dropped back to normal and he nodded. "Fair point."


    "And the reason my concurrence, even though you have it if you need it, is unnecessary." She focused on Saffron and said, "Canta concurs. Spread your Global Spell with his explicit blessing, Saffron Aetos-Diaz."


    I thought she deserved more than just vibrating at this point, so I jumped over to Saffron, lifted her by the waist, hugging her, and spinning in circles. "Holy shit, Kitten. Your first attempt at a Global Healing Spell, and it gets the okay by a fuckin'' God of Healing!"


    She chuckled, hugging my head, but said, "it''s a Divination more than a Healing spell, but thank you, Goof. However, I think I''d like you and Sister Siobhan to Assess Bonnie with the new spell, if it''s not too much trouble?"


    I squeezed her one more time, shuffled her over to sit on one of my arms while I extruded an Assess Health in front of my eye.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(126, 140, 141, 1); border-style: solid" border="1">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50.4886%">Assessment For:</td>


    <td style="width: 49.5114%">Bonita ''Bonnie'' ''BonBon'' Obol-Lancaster</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50.4886%">Target Type:</td>


    <td style="width: 49.5114%">Hybrid Humanoid Biped (Bag / Human / Shadow Construct)</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50.4886%">General Health:</td>


    <td style="width: 49.5114%">Healthy</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50.4886%">Conditions:</td>


    <td style="width: 49.5114%">Pregnant</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50.4886%">Pregnancy Status:</td>


    <td style="width: 49.5114%">Normal</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50.4886%">Granular Assessment Data:</td>


    <td style="width: 49.5114%">Activate: ( Y / N )</td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    "Fuckin'' awesome! Congratulations!"


    Bonnie, still sitting in her chair, slumped a little and said, "if you''re all done congratulating Saffron, has her new Assess Health told you anything about whether I can bear children or not?"


    I spun immediately and held up a hand in front of Sister Siobhan and Doctor DeLeon. Keeping my voice solemn through sheer force of will, I said, "I think Saffron ought to be the one to tell her." The other two blinked, then nodded, their serious bedside manner faces slipping on. I set Saffron on her feet and said, "your show, Kitten."


    Bonnie looked a little confused, but then she was the only one who hadn''t seen her Assessment. Saffron stepped in front of her, put a hand on her shoulder, and said, "bad news first. I''m afraid you will not be able to become pregnant for at least seven to fifteen months."


    Her face twisting into confusion, Bonnie asked, "why?"


    Saffron leaned over and stage whispered into her ear, "because those ''congratulations'' weren''t for me... mom-to-be."


    What can I say? My Kitten''s sense for dramatic timing is absolutely perfect. Sister Siobhan, Doc DeLeon, and I all three shouted, "Congratulations!" Bonnie slumped into her chair, tears of relief sliding down her face, her smile looking like she wanted it to stretch from ear to ear. After a couple moments like that, she perked up just enough to say, "Commander... Tabitha, can you take me back to Larry? Now?"


    "I don''t have a problem with it." I looked around the room, and when all three of the people with more medical knowhow nodded, I took her hand in mine, pulled her upright, and stepped us both to the fourth floor common area at Lancaster House.


    Larry was there using one of the bigger tables to hold something as he, Lachlan, and Raven discussed it. Bonnie put her face against my shoulder and, while giving me a hug, went, "ssshhhhhh!" Then she turned around, head bowed just a little bit, and walked over to Larry. He stood up and met her halfway, his arms out; he pulled her into an embrace. The other two stood when he did, but stood motionless, solemn faces not betraying any emotion that might make bad news worse.


    After he''d held her a moment, Bonnie put her arms around Larry, lifted her head just enough so that all of us could hear her, then said, "I''m afraid I won''t be able to get pregnant for several months, at least." When Larry pushed back, a hopeful question in his eyes, she continued with, "so we''ll have to practice a lot, so you can do it again then."


    He mouthed the word, ''again'' while the hope in his eyes shone ever brighter.


    Inside my head I thought, three, two, one, we have comprehension!


    "Really?"


    She didn''t say anything, just bit at her lip and nodded, then started bouncing up and down and squeeing, at least until he got his arms around her thighs and started spinning her around, laughing the whole while. I stepped over between Raven and Lachlan and said, "so, how''s it feel to be joining the members of the ''aunts and uncles'' club?"


    Raven just snorted. "Bold of you to assume I''m not one already, what with my family''s proclivities."


    Lachlan sighed and chuckled. "Damn. Here I was hoping you''d want to celebrate."


    "Didn''t say I didn''t." She turned to face him, index finger already pointing at his nose from about twelve inches. "Do not take that as me consenting to anything!" She spun back around to watch the happy couple''s antics, then muttered, "yet."


    "Hey, we should have a baby shower!"


    "A what?" asked Raven.


    If Lachlan had asked, I would have taken it as Lancaster sexism residue, but if Raven didn''t know, that meant it wasn''t really a done thing. Time to correct that. "Don''t worry about it. I''ll sort things out with Saffron." I looked at Larry and Bonnie, watched him practically juggling her around with absolute glee, then said, "hey, I gotta get back to Saffron. If you need me, I''ll be downstairs."


    Larry paused for a moment, then said, "I''d like it if your family came back tonight, so I can thank them in person."


    "You got it, Larry." I stepped back to our bedroom, only to find that Sister Siobhan and Doc DeLeon had already left. "Did you take them back to their Infirmaries, or is Doc DeLeon wandering around the Ladies'' dormitory?"


    She smiled up at me from where she sat at her desk, Shaping something with so much Mana that even I could see a glimmer in the air. "A little help, please?"


    I stepped over, shaping as I did so, then laid a hand on her shoulder and poured Mana into her. She, in turn, poured it into the Shape, until it glowed so bright I thought I might be able to see it through the fucking stone walls of our rooms. Then, with a crackling noise that sounded uncomfortably close to the sound locks made when I decided I wanted through the door, everything disappeared. As I caught Saffron to keep her from faceplanting into the floor, I saw a pulse of something flow outward away from our window, a curved line moving until it hit the horizon. "Damn, Kitten. Nice work."


    "Thank you, Goof. Now, I have a very important favor to ask of you."


    "Anything for my Kitten."


    "Could you perhaps arrange for Grandma to take Isnomi for the night?"


    I shook my head. "No need. I accepted an invite to Larry''s for dinner tonight. He wants to thank you for helping Bonnie out. No way will Menace sleep with us when she''s got her whole host of co-conspirators to pile in with."


    She smiled, then kinda melted into my arms. "Excellent. Can you come pick me up then? I need to get back to the Council."


    "Just one moment." I leaned her back, kissing her thoroughly, before insta-changing her into Glowing Midnight and stepping to the Intra-City Council''s chamber. As I stood her up in front of the rest of the council, who looked everything from shocked to amused, I said, "see you at sunset!" Then stepped back into the me in the Scrying Room.


    Yeah, I know, we could have Co-Located and been engaged in shenanigans while doing our busywork, but I figured she needed a couple hours break to catch her breath, what with rearranging part of the global magical landscape. I can be a mature woman and delay gratification of my base desires once in a while.


    That makes it even better.


    I am such a fuckin'' idiot.

 Day Two Hundred And Thirty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know something? Waiting for something you really want can make it even better. Enough said about that.


    Yeah, who the hell do you think I am. Saffron and Marie wound up showing me exactly how that whole ''Stabilize'' thing worked. I think they''re both a lot more sadistic than me by nature. Then again, I can''t say I don''t like it, so what the hell. Light me up like a neon sign, Kitten.


    The family slept at Lancaster House last night. Much like our earlier visit, we went to pleasantly exhausted sleep and woke up with a living room full of kids, some of whom needed to be changed. Saffron declared ''baths for everyone'' again, in part because some of the rug rats needed one, in part because she''d gotten so wrapped up in the exhausting parts of spell research that she''d totally missed the fact that she''d gotten a little whiff. I mean, I didn''t say anything, because I kinda liked it, but when she asked, I wasn''t about to lie to her about it. I think it''s gotta be pheromones or something.


    As for last night, Mimic was focused on the stones board. I hadn''t realized previously, but she''d kinda started leaning on the board, and some parts were a little hard to see. The far right corner from her perspective was full of black stones, the near left almost completely blank except a line of black stones stretching out from the rest of her part of the board. The far left and a line facing hers was covered in white stones. I''m not an expert, hell I don''t even know the name of the damn game, but it looked like she was winning. Then again, maybe she''d gotten herself into some kind of weird untenable position. After all, I couldn''t even see the near right corner of the board. I think she might have been laying on it. Would that be cheating? I''ve got no idea, but I really hoped, what with her being associated with me on some level, that she wasn''t the stones equivalent of a chess playing pigeon.


    Y''know, the whole ''shit on the board then strut around it like they won anyway'' deal.


    Sad part about the rug rats in residence was that I didn''t get to watch the slow, normal, uninterrupted Saffron boot-up sequence. I can''t help it, she''s just so damn cute, the little nose scrunches and mlem before her eyes open especially. Still got my daily dose of cute though, since Saffron got in the tub and set about washing kid after kid, leaving me to towel them dry and Marie to do stuff like combing their hair and dressing them. About halfway through turning the herd of sticky little kids into a herd of less sticky little kids, I noticed something about Marie and her combing and brushing. "Hey Marie?" She looked at me. "Are you combing the boys on purpose?"


    "Yes."


    "Cool." Huh, did not expect that, but as usual my partners were way ahead of me. Treat ''em all the same when they''re pre-pubescent, they''re less likely to think the other side ought to be treated different once they start growing hair.


    Saffron looked over to me as she soaped up the next kiddo and said, "what was that you said about a baby shower?"


    I gave her a little side eye as I ruffled a towel through my next victim''s hair to dry it. "How did you know about that?"


    She grinned at me. "You don''t think I''d miss Bonnie breaking the news to Larry, did you?"


    At that moment I realized something that had just kinda lurked in the back of my head, waiting to pounce on me, and the biggest wow of all? When I realized that for months now I''d been living with another person, and not a Deity of some kind, but my significant other, my lover, my wife, right there in my head, getting way more ''oh, shit, I better not tell Saffron'' stuff than anybody who''d ever gotten to my phone while it was unlocked, I figured I''d freak out. Because, like, that''s what you do when someone gets into your private business, right?


    I had someone I trusted so much that they could literally read my mind and I didn''t get even the slightest bit upset about it.


    I kinda pushed the warm fuzzies that gave me in her direction, and she just looked at me and smiled. Not That Grin, but... just smiled. So fuckin'' weird, but that... oh, flippity fuck, the woman was Pavloving me hard. Her smiling that warm, knowing, loving smile? That made it even better. And yes, I heard that fucking singsong in my head. No, I''m not upset at that in the slightest, but somehow the ideas of Saffron, how much I loved her, how much she accepted me for me, hell, loved me for me, and that stupid little sex-jingle had all become kind of intertwined in my head. And I was perfectly fine with that.


    The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    When she got to the ''scrub the soapy hair'' phase with the next kid, she asked, "so, baby shower?"


    I shrugged. "I haven''t been to many, but I''ve heard all kinds of things about them. Basically it''s a big party where all the mom-to-be''s friends get together and give her baby stuff. Back in my neighborhood it was usually practical stuff, like clothes or diapers or formula. I think most not-desperately-poor people gave each other the same kind of stuff, only nicer versions. Rich people I''ve got no idea, but somehow the idea of one of the Kardashians giving her sister diapers just doesn''t feel right. Maybe they did, like, super upscale designer baby clothes or some shit like that? Or maybe they bought them a nanny? Fuck if I know. The whole idea is a woman''s friends coming together to show their support, I guess. Most of the really goofy drinking games were for the bachelorette party, and the even stupider non-drinking games and traditions were for the wedding shower, but Bonnie didn''t exactly get either of those. So I figured, y''know, maybe we ought to do something like that?"


    She just smiled at me. I swear, even when I turned away from her to towel the next kid''s head dry, I could have pointed straight at her without looking, just by the warmth I felt. Not even, like, heat, either, which boggled my poor goof brain. I mean, yeah, there was heat there, we were both basically starkers since we didn''t want our clothes to wind up sopping, and apparently me being domestic lights a fire in her loins and hindbrain, but that? While it''s really awesome and all, that warmth just kinda hit different.


    "Well then, I suppose we ought to do something along those lines." Words weaving through the warmth, she thought, so many traditions in your world predicated on children living. I am simultaneously awestruck, hopeful, and furious.


    I nodded. "Yeah. Gotta make sure her and her friends have time off for the party. Unfortunately, her boss is kind of a bitch, but I know her boss'' boss, and she''s susceptible to certain kinds of really unethical bribery." Why do you think I don''t feel guilty about Artemis, or Apollo, or Octavio, or Oliver?


    She chuckled. "So you''re saying her boss isn''t?"


    I returned her smile with interest. "She is, but I really don''t think she''s my type."


    She sucked her teeth and shook her head as she rinsed her current kid''s head. "We both know that is an absolute lie, Goof. We have, in fact, proven otherwise at times."


    "Okay, fair, but I''ll be busy bribing her boss'' boss. Can you take care of making sure her boss will give her the time off, just in case I can''t convince her boss'' boss to make pointed suggestions?"


    "Since you asked me so nicely, then certainly I will." I''ll also be making some pointed suggestions of my own, Goof.


    It was right then that I knew I''d kinda fucked up. Not because of anything my Kitten thought at me, but because Liam asked me, "my father tells me bribery of officials is wrong, and should be punished."


    Before I could respond, our little menace piped up, "cowwupt officiaws awe bithes."


    Saffron looked at me over the head of her final customer of the day, thought, I cannot wait to hear how you handle this one, then broke out laughing as she scooted the rinsed-off kid my way.


    As I toweled the little girl dry, I shot a glare at Isnomi. "Menace, ''bitch'' is an adult word. No penalty this time, but if you say it again you''re grounded."


    She rolled her eyes and said, "Ohtay." I could barely keep my severe look up, both because of her obvious precocious teenaged drama look and because I''d just realized how literal the punishment would be for her.


    I turned to Liam. "We were mostly joking. Do you know who''s Bonnie''s boss?"


    He shot me a little bit of a suspicious look, but said, "no?"


    "Since she''s part of the Expedition still, and I''m the Commander of the Expedition, I''m her boss."


    His forehead and even a bit of his nose wrinkled up in confusion. "So... why would Miss Saffron need to convince you? Oh, and who''s your boss, who you were gonna bribe?"


    I leaned down and whispered, like it was some big state secret, "I report directly to the Imperator of the Inter-City Council."


    His eyes got big. I doubted he really understood that, but it sounded pretty impressive, and the whole ''hush hush'' treatment made it sound even better. "Who is the Imperator?"


    Saffron called out from the bathtub, where she''d sat down on her butt to give herself a scrub and a bit of a sit down in the warm water. "That would be me."


    Liam looked back and forth between the two of us for a solid ten seconds, during which I finished drying him off. "Grown-ups are weird."


    I laughed, looked at Saffron and said, "you hear that? We''re grown-ups now."


    She laughed as she waved me over to get cleaned up myself, and before I could sit down and enjoy the remaining heat in the tub she pulled me close for a quick kiss. "Don''t worry, love. I still love you, even though you''re decrepit and ancient now."


    That... might have started a bit of a splash fight. Luckily the floor in the quarter of the room around the tub was tiled. Unfortunately, the kids took great glee in rushing over to cheer us on from well within the splash range. So all of us except Marie walked down to breakfast more than a little damp.


    Lancaster House waffles made everything good, though. Even when I had to spend the day ferrying Cadets and Troops around to deal with a bear menacing the northeasternmost Lancaster farmstead, some thefts in the southern bridge village, and some dumbass who''d gotten himself a bunch of shattered ribs fucking around with a cow.


    I didn''t bother to ask the Holder if that was metaphoric or not. I really didn''t want to know.

 Day Two Hundred And Thirty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    Some days it seems like fate likes fucking with me more than others.


    Last night I spent dinner back in Phileo; what with the City''s military still being deployed, classes were totally haphazard, and the Dining Hall being half empty made me feel some kinda way, so Marie brought dinner to our room. Surprised me when she opened the tray atop her cart to reveal a whole sashimi platter. Okay, not sure if it was technically sashimi, but there was definitely some sliced pink stuff and lots of ground green horseradish on the side, so I''m going with ''sashimi''.


    "Damn, Marie! I didn''t know you knew how to make sushi. Sweet!" I then filled my mouth with a couple pieces of what looked to be steak sashimi sandwiched around sliced pink stuff, which tasted like something spicy what had been pickled, and horseradish, which tasted like horseradish, because duh. The flavor on the sliced stuff wasn''t quite right, but fuck it, sushi is sushi.


    Of course, right about then Marie cut in with, "Not."


    When I''d swallowed that bite, absolutely reveling in the way the heat filled my chest, I asked, "why is this not sushi? Wait, do I even want to know? Is it some kind of weird, I dunno, bug or dog or something?"


    She shook her head. "Rice."


    When I cudgeled my brain into thinking about the sushi places I''d been before, while of course filling my mouth with some slices of fish sandwiching more mixed fire, I remembered that everything not labeled ''sashimi'' had, indeed, had rice somewhere in it at the sushi place I''d hang when I was cutting and had some money to burn. Meaning not that often, but the place was, like, right by where boats would dock, so I guess they had access to cheap fresh fish. Which would explain why there was usually more meat than anything else, except maybe sometimes rice. At any rate, I just let myself savor the flavor; when the heat died down I swallowed and said, "where''d you learn to make sashimi anyhow? Have you been to Japan? What''s Japan like here?"


    Her brow furrowed a little, but before she could try to explain in one syllable or less, Saffron cut in. "I heard you thinking fairly loudly about sushi one day, so I looked it up. I suppose it might be different where you''re from, but once I found a few journals describing something they called ''sushi'', I brought them to Marie and asked if she could figure out how to make it from the descriptions. It turns out there''s a small, tight knit community of Orientals in southern Phileo."


    I interrupted her without really thinking about it. "Asians. Or, y''know, Chinese or Japanese or Vietnamese, or whatever country they''re from."


    She looked at me curiously. "You seem a little perturbed by the other. Why?"


    Of course I''d already filled my mouth with more food, so I held up a hand while I chewed and swallowed as quickly as I could without, y''know, missing out on the flavor of Marie''s sashimi. "Oriental is a type of rug. Nah, not even that, really. ''Orient'' as a place is kind of a European word for ''places where not-white maybe-civilized people live''. Kinda derogatory even as a place reference, totally racist as a description of people." I then proceeded to fill my face with more sashimi, because duh of course I did.


    Saffron got that look I''d seen now and again back in Camden on decent people when somebody called them out about something they hadn''t known was racist, but they''d habitually done or said for so long that it definitely made them feel awkward in a bad way. Like, part of them were ashamed that they''d done something hurtful and wrong, part of them wanted the person calling them out for doing it to be wrong, and part of them just wanted to say ''shut up, is not''. I mean, shit, I''d felt that way when one of the Asian kids back in Camden called me out on the ''Oriental'' thing, so I knew that feel.


    Yes, something can feel ''awkward in a good way''. I mean, when I screamed something I couldn''t quite force myself to remember, but might have been, ''motherfucking shitball cocksucking cumdumpsters fucking stop and I rip your cuntlicking tongues out'' right in the middle of Marie and Saffron tag-teaming me? Hella awkward moment of silence, followed by Saffron laughing her ass off while, thankfully, not stopping. That would be a hell of a thing to have to decide, whether to follow through on my terrible threats and have to Heal one or both of them afterward, or having both of them start ignoring all the random shit coming out of my mouth. Honestly, that latter would probably be as frustrating for me as it would be beneficial for both of their mental health, but for some reason they actually valued that ongoing stream of consciousness, which made me feel a lot better about myself.


    Also, yes, I watched way too much Sasha Grey at an impressionable age.


    Anyway, Saffron took a long moment eating her next piece of sushi, looking thoughtful. When she finished she said, "I wasn''t previously aware of that. Since it would be hypocritical of me to continue doing something offensive based on someone''s race, I''ll certainly try not to in the future. At any rate, there is a small but tight knit population of Asians in south Phileo. They don''t advertise their presence, but apparently a few of them have become Heroes, and at least one requested some dishes like this."


    I swallowed and asked, "have you had it before?"


    She shook her head. "It''s very different. It tastes really good, though. The texture of some of it is... surprising. Especially these." She picked up a slice of what, if I''m remembering right, was tuna, and following my example, sandwiched some of the... ginger? It didn''t taste quite like the ginger I''d had in the past, but it had been over a year since I had any, and never with my current tongue, so maybe it was ginger? Anyway, she''d been trying each type of sashimi plain beforehand, but when she popped the little sashimi sandwich in her mouth and chewed once, her eyes popped just a little bit. Breathing through her nose, she chewed and swallowed before looking at me and saying, "I know you like things spicy," which is really an understatement after my statement about Sasha Grey, but whatever, "but that''s a little more intense than I''m used to."


    The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.


    I watched Marie for a moment as she took a single small slice of not-ginger, putting a claw-tip''s worth of green horseradish... wasabi? I think it''s wasabi, although I don''t think this was actually, y''know, wasabi. It mostly tasted right, but I didn''t think Phileo had any kind of trade route to Japan. Anyway, Marie put a claw tip of not-wasabi on a single slice of not-ginger, then rolled that up in a slice of sashimi and ate it. Then I turned to look at Isnomi. "Oi! Menace, slow down, I dunno how much Marie made of that!" Because while I watched she used both hands to cram handfuls of sashimi and condiments into her mouth, nom them a couple times, swallow, and repeat the process.


    Of course she just swallowed, burped, then Muttlied at me. Before I could say anything else? Marie leaned over to slide the side of her cart open, revealing four more covered trays identical to the first one. "Enough."


    At that point there remained only one possible response. I grabbed up Isnomi-handful-sized portions of not-ginger and not-wasabi, popped them in my mouth, ''chewed'' at the already mostly swallowable stuff until my mouth was made of fire, then pounced on Marie, my hands holding the back of her head and my tongue seeking her tonsils. I figured either she''d bite my tongue off or reciprocate, and the ultimate result, once she got past a moment of stunned immobility at my sudden pounce, was definitely the one I preferred.


    Of course, when we got done Isnomi was tugging at one of the other trays, because it looked like she''d licked the first one clean of anything and everything, including the piles of not-ginger and not-wasabi. Marie leaned over, gently pushed her back just far enough that she wouldn''t get brained, and showed Isnomi the trick of lifting the tray past the little lip that kept them from sliding around too much. Then she put it in the new tray on top of the old one and we got back to the serious business of eating.


    In between bites, as I sat there enjoying the pleasant burn and the lingering taste of salmon on my tongue, I asked, "so, do you know how to do nigiri and maki?" Bugger off, I didn''t ever have to order ginger or wasabi, they just sort of showed up beside whatever else I ordered.


    Marie considered for a moment as she savored her most recent sashimi bite, then said, "Maybe."


    After a moment, Saffron asked, "you know how, but aren''t certain if you can get or properly replace the ingredients?"


    "Yes."


    I put on my most serious business face and said, "Imperator?"


    Saffron raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"


    "High Priestess?"


    That got the other eyebrow to go up. "Yes?"


    "As Phileo Councilwoman for Mimic and your Goddess, I ask and command you to open trade with someplace that can get us rice, dried seaweed wraps, and ginger as quickly as you can." I couldn''t help it, a guilty smile spread across my face. "Or, y''know, as soon as it won''t fuck anything else up."


    For her part, Saffron just smiled affectionately at me and said, "for a councilwoman, I might entertain the idea. For my Goddess, I would certainly try my utmost." Then she reached across the tray and lay a hand along my jawline, half cupping my face as I leaned into it. "For you, my wife, I will find a way, should I need to rearrange the globe to manage it."


    I didn''t really realize I was purring until she pulled her hand away and I stopped.


    The rest of dinner went a lot more silently, as all of us concentrated on Marie''s awesome sashimi. At the end I helped her pack the trays away while Saffron carried Isnomi, who''d dropped over into a snoring food-coma the moment she''d cleared the last tray, into her bedroom and tucked her in.


    None of us were feeling super-energetic, but none of us were really wanting to waste private time either. I discovered that while if you eat enough of something spicy, your taste buds, especially the bits that detect ''spicy'', will eventually go on strike in protest? Yeah, there''s still a lot of spice on your tongue, and that shit burns when applied elsewhere as well.


    I mean, not enough to stop, but definitely one of those ''elevated experiences for the sophisticated connoisseur''.


    Mimic Dreams mostly focused on gazing at her own navel.


    In the morning we all hopped over to Lancaster House, where the kitchens had apparently learned how to make sriracha eggs, so I got spicy eggs and waffles. Apparently fate had decided I''d been a Good Girl and wanted to reward me or something. Hell, maybe I''d been just the right kind of Bad Girl. How the fuck would I know the difference? I guess if I ever meet Fate I''ll ask them. Her? Most of the fate Deities I remember reading about were women. Oddly enough groups of three most of the time, and despite Disney showing all three as withered old hags, tradition had them as one barely legal, one full on adult, and only the third being elderly, and even then they weren''t ''one foot in the grave grotesque'' elderly but ''wise old woman'' elderly.


    Of course me being me, some tiny part in the back of my brain that wasn''t focused on squeezing every bit of nom out of my breakfast was wondering whether Fate being happy with me would wind up with her making inappropriate advances. Shit. Maybe Saffron''s right and I really am inevitably going to Just Happen to someone else. Then again, other than a bit of a positive southerly physical responses, she hadn''t reacted to watching me neck naked with Raymond, so she''s probably right about her reaction, too. Just gotta remember to follow The Rules. Fuck, now I couldn''t remember what they were, and asking seemed, I dunno, kind of like premeditation?


    I saw the three of them off with hugs and kisses after breakfast, then settled into my new daily routine of being Lancaster House''s signals intelligence, telecommunication, and rapid transit network all in one. Nothing really important showed up, just more minor issues that only required me to show up and Shape a Heal or drop a unit of Volunteers to go hunting. Midway through the day I had a thought, though.


    Hey Kitten?


    Yes, Goof?


    It might be a really good idea if we could make something like Lancaster House''s scrying room, but for, y''know, the whole Inter-City Alliance.


    After a long enough pause that I thought I might have broken her, Saffron replied with, that is an incredible idea, if somewhat ambitious. Once we''re done eradicating this plague, I think that shall be my top priority as Imperator.


    Is that something you can do?


    Despite such a network having a plethora of other uses, it would be an absolutely invaluable military resource for the Alliance, and as such falls firmly within my purview. Just in case, should I meet opposition to the proposal, do I have the full backing of my Goddess on this issue?


    Yeah, we both knew what my answer would be, but I was bored, and fucking around with Saffron was always fun. Aww, I dunno. Sounds an awful lot like work.


    Real wasabi, ginger, and nori.


    Done.


    Yeah, I''m absolutely corrupt, but at least I''m consistent about it, right?

 Day Two Hundred And Thirty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    I think my biggest gripe with fate, or destiny, or whoever or whatever is navigating this shit show of a world? How long everything takes, and how much my blood pressure goes up when I think about everything that could be going wrong.


    So yesterday after I finished my day of literally looking for trouble, the family came to Lancaster House. They actually got there in time for dinner. Really nice steaks, and apparently Larry decided to tell his cooks to try the whole ''rare'' thing. Either that or Marie clued them in; she still heads back and helps with cooking and serving when we''re eating in the dining room. It really feels so weird to me; I see the butler staff, who now have a couple maids who''ve been dragooned to help them, all in uniform. Lachlan and all of us Cadets are in our Phileo uniforms. The place is totally nice in a classy primitive sort of way, and I think the only reason I think ''primitive'' is the roaring fire in the fireplace behind the head of the table.


    Then there are the bunch of us eating. Larry and Bonnie probably have the best table manners, although some of that is because they''re still at the ''feeding each other'' stage of newlyweds. I can''t really complain, though, since the only reason I''m not feeding Saffron is because she habitually sits across the table from me.


    Why do you do that, Kitten?


    She looked up from stirring some butter into her mashed pumpkin. Do what?


    Sit across from me rather than next to me?


    She chuckled a little, both in my head and out loud. I can''t really see you when I''m sitting next to you, and I like looking at you.


    That warmed my face a bit. Other spots too, but those could wait. That''s definitely chipotle sauce.


    What?


    Sweet, but also kinda hot. Right back at you, by the way.


    She smiled and we went back to the Serious Business of eating our steak while it still retained that perfect temperature inside. Saffron also had the unenviable task of slicing up Isnomi''s steak for her. Some inner voice that had not yet grokked the little one''s appetite nor her Mor digestive tract wondered if she could safely eat steak, but most of me was buying time for Saffron by alternating between taking normal sized bites for me and yeeting small steak bites at the menace so she''d let her mom cut the damn steak into bite sized pieces. Before you get on my ass about that, Lachlan and some of the Ladies and kids who''d been convinced to eat dinner with us had stabbed their steaks with forks and then started eating it like some kind of demented meat lollipop, just tearing bites off of it, and most of the kids just picked their steaks off the plate and ate it like personal pizzas or something, just nomming away at the edges.


    So yeah. Classy room. Classy wait staff. Classy outfits on most of the folks eating, except the kids from the Ladies'' Quarters, who had these one-size-fits-all nightgown slash dress things. Then again, they were all at that really androgynous pre-puberty stage, so I guess it worked. So Classy everything except table manners, which ranged from ''a little to the side of standard'' to ''straight up feral human''. It was almost, but not quite, Academy gobbo table bad. Then again, something just under half of the folks eating were kids, so lost boys etiquette at least made sense.


    The mashed pumpkin wasn''t bad, but for whatever reason I''d been jonesing for some actual mashed potatoes. Heck, even mashed sweet potatoes would be good, because while the slightly sweet flavor of the pumpkin reminded me of sweet potato, it just didn''t taste the same as a good potato. Fuck me, less than a year into living in a world where magic and gods were real, and I''m thinking like Sam Gamgee. Still, doughty little fucker wasn''t wrong. Potatoes are pretty good just baked, but the variety of ways you can turn them into something else, while they still remain clearly recognizable as potato? Fuckin'' awesome.


    Screw it. What with Isnomi helping, I''d finished my steak, and while I still had a heap of buttered and salted mashed pumpkin on my plate, that just made me want potatoes more. "Hey love?"


    After swallowing, because she''s classy that way, Saffron said, "Yes?"


    Poking at my mashed pumpkin with my spoon, trying to get it to absorb the butter the way I''m sure potato would have, I asked, "does Phileo grow or import potatoes? Or, y''know, now that we''re in a much better trading position with them, does New Amsterdam?"


    "I don''t think so? Why?"


    After swallowing my bite of pumpkin, I replied, "they''re just really good, and I''m pretty sure they''d grow really well around here. Those and corn."


    Everybody kinda gave me a look at that. Larry even broke eye contact with Bonnie, stared at me and said, "you''ve eaten corn."


    I shrugged. "Yeah. Not my favorite plain, but still pretty good if you make them into elote. Popcorn can''t be beat as a snack though."


    Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.


    He just blinked at me. "Why am I surprised? I shouldn''t be surprised at this point." He sighed, shaking his head. "The only corn we have on hand is dried, in the storage we use for animal feed."


    "Huh. Not great for anything but popcorn then, or maybe grinding into cornmeal, but..." I think by now I''d be used to everyone staring at me. "Look, popcorn is one of the few things I can make without screwing it up." I tried not to think about the fact that I had neither pre-packaged popping corn nor a microwave. I did a quick headcount. "Get me like a quart of that, some cooking oil, some butter, and some salt and I''ll show you."


    Larry looked at Oscar and nodded, and Oscar then passed the nod onto one of his supporting butlers, who walked out of the room. We went back to eating, mostly, but Lachlan of all people asked, "I don''t think you ever told me, but where are you from, originally?"


    "It''s... really far away. The only times I really think about it are times when I''m missing something that''s just everywhere there but isn''t here at all. I guess that''s why I don''t like talking about it that much."


    I hoped that nobody''d really heard, or gotten curious enough to hear Lachlan''s question or my answer, but then Raven said, "duh. You guys haven''t figured it out yet?" When everybody shook their heads, she laughed a little and said, "Jackville. Probably not even Jackville proper, but the Jackville hinterlands. If something''s technically edible, somebody in Jackville has half a dozen recipes for it, and their neighbors have another half dozen they claim are better."


    I winced, doing my best ''you got me'' before asking, "How do you know all that about Jackville?"


    She shrugged and said, "the tannery hired a few emigrants from there. The shit they brought in for lunch? Totally fucked up if you thought about what it was, but pretty good if you just shut your eyes and ate it."


    I barked out a laugh at that. "Yeah. The best cook in the world isn''t the one who can make an awesome meal out of awesome ingredients, it''s the one who can take two rocks, some dirt, and random shit from their backyard and make something that will blow your mind."


    I felt her more than heard her behind me right before Marie asked, "How?"


    Somehow my Marie Translation was on point, because I said, "enough cooking oil that the kernels are all kinda covered, put a lid over it to keep it from going all over the kitchen, then right before it burns you take it out of the pan or skillet or pot or whatever, drain off the oil and shake it with the melted butter and salt."


    "Good."


    That''s about when I realized that Oscar''s minion had returned with a small bucket of what looked like corn kernels. I started to stand, but Marie''s hand on my shoulder stopped me. She held out a hand to the guy carrying the bucket, then said, "Wait," and headed back to the kitchen.


    I belatedly realized what I''d done. "Uh, I think I might have hit a nerve with that ''best cook in the world'' comment."


    Saffron chuckled at me before swallowing her last bite of steak and saying, "you think?"


    Like half an hour later, while most of us were just sitting there talking, Marie and a couple of the Lancaster House maids came back into the dining room carrying a few huge serving bowls of popped corn. The smell hit me first, my mouth watered, and then Marie set the first bowl in front of me. Somehow she''d managed to get that perfectly round pop out of damn near all of them, and I couldn''t see or smell any burned ones. I picked one up, ate it even as my fingers registered that it might be a little bit ''scald my tongue'' hot, then stopped caring and started shoveling popcorn into my mouth as quickly as I could without spilling any.


    "Good?"


    I half turned to Marie, nodded vigorously while giving her a thumbs up, never stopping my popcorn nomming. Saffron tried one kernel, and while she didn''t seem to have my appreciation for it, made a ''not bad'' face and picked up another. The Cadets and Lachlan each tried some, because, y''know, athletes and food, and even though Raven was a little bit tentative, they all started eating while they did the after-dinner conversation thing. The Ladies had more of a Saffron-ish response, tasting it and chewing carefully before offering the kids some.


    The kids? Absolutely devoured both of the bowls at their end of the table, then started foraging toward our end of the table. Led by the Menace, of course. "Oi! Menace! No boots on the table!"


    Of course she plonked her ass down, pulled her boots off, and tossed them on the floor before continuing toward the next popcorn bowl. I rolled my eyes and said, "You''re way too big to be walking on the table!"


    She gave me a ''now you tell me'' look, shrugged, and said, "Ohtay," before grabbing the next popcorn bowl and leaping to the floor, where the rest of the kids surrounded her and they all attacked the bowl like starving piranha.


    My popcorn jones sated for the moment, I turned to Marie and said, "thank you, Marie. This was perfect."


    She nodded, content now that she''d shown she could cook anything perfectly, even turning ''animal feed'' into snacks.


    After dinner, when we wandered back to our room and Isnomi went with the Ladies to pal around with the other kids until morning, Marie stopped me as soon as we''d closed the door behind me. "Elote?" she asked.


    I''d actually had enough of everything to get a little sleepy myself, so I said, "tell you what, stick around here tomorrow and I''ll tell you all the corn recipes I remember. Other than popcorn, I''m not super-good with any of them, though."


    "Good."


    After that we all collapsed into bed, sleeping the sleep of the just, weary, and overfed. Shenanigans had to wait for morning.


    Of course I''d forgotten that we''d have company in the morning. After bathtime and breakfast, Saffron headed out for a day of Imperatoring, and I settled into my new routine of watching the farmsteads. Over the course of the day, Marie grilled me regarding everything I remembered about how to make corn. I let her know that things like elote and corn-on-the-cob needed fresh corn, not dried, but my mom had made homemade cornmeal enough, and made stuff with that homemade cornmeal enough, that I could clue her in on doing stuff with cornmeal and corn flour.


    It was really kind of a neat, fun day, what with me not really conversing with Marie a lot previously. Some part of my brain that had subconsciously labeled Marie as ''not as smart as Saffron or I'' took a hell of a beating when I realized how much meaning she could pack into a single interrogative word, and how well she could extrapolate from my guesses about how some recipes worked. Note to self: do not confuse ''doesn''t like to talk'' or ''only talks when interested in the topic'' with ''stupid''.


    All in all, the only bad part of the day came in the late afternoon, when I checked on the southern bridge village. Those trails of smoke I''d really hoped were chimneys? Yeah, they had doubled. At least.


    Time to earn my pay soon enough, I guess.

 Day Two Hundred And Thirty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    Bad guys are supposed to be stupid. Like, mouth breather stupid. How else am I supposed to outsmart them? I sure as hell ain''t smart enough to outsmart a smart person.


    Anyway, yesterday ended with a lot of campfires on the far bank of the Susquehanna, just on the far side of the southern bridge. I hopped to the village, landing myself right outside the door of the local inn, where our Volunteer unit was nominally taking up floor space. The innkeeper, who was also the mayor, because in a podunk town connecting two nominally hostile powers of course he was, was only charging the Alliance for floor space, but with the lack of any actual customers he''d been letting the Volunteers stay in actual rooms with, like, beds and stuff.


    Intellectually I know that there''s got to be some black market traffic, and some of it probably comes through here, but that falls thoroughly under ''not my problem'' as long as the fuckers didn''t break quarantine. Since we''d spent the time describing exactly what happens to folks who get the plague, even those who are cured, the locals seemed to get the point that a few bucks now didn''t help when you were dead tomorrow. Amazing the wisdom out here in the hinterlands.


    Either that or the smuggling went through the little fishing camps, and everybody there would be dead by spring. Not a happy thought, but we''d sent word, and if they didn''t follow the rules and died, I could live with that. It''s the collateral that I''d get pissed about.


    Anyway, I stepped into the inn and said, "hey there, Mayor. Is the Sergeant about?"


    The Mayor slash innkeeper nodded and said, "she''s over by the bridge with the current watch."


    "Cool, thanks." I stepped to the bridge, because with all my hopping around anybody who didn''t know about me being able to Translocate was so deeply deficient I wasn''t worried about them coming up with some brilliant tactical maneuver to counter it. Also, it meant folks who were breaking rules I cared about knew I could pop up right behind them at any time, which cut down on people willing to do shit that I''d thrown people in the stocks for. I mean, they''d probably get a little less worried in the spring, but right now it still hit ''freeze your tits off'' cold in the middle of the night.


    The Sergeant saw me before my eyes had slipped away from wireframe vision. At some point I''d have to ask Saffron about the physics of that, but right now neither of us had the time for theoretical discussions; we had too much shit to do trying to improve quality of life for everybody, and that came a few steps after making sure people didn''t die in job lots. Before I''d quite picked her out from where she stood in the shadow of a building, she said, "Good Evening, Commander," in a tone that wouldn''t carry much further than me.


    "Good Evening Sergeant. How goes everything?"


    She shrugged. "Not as good as training, when I could get Drivers'' on the way home, but nowhere near as bad as when we were burying bodies."


    "Fair. Anything moving on the far side of the bridge?"


    She shook her head. "Not much. Now and then I see folks moving around on the far side, enough that I know the village isn''t abandoned, but it''s just at that inconvenient range where you can''t really make out any details, just that somebody''s moving around."


    "So no big blocks of soldiers then?"


    She smiled and shook her head. "Nothing like that, ma''am, no. Just singletons moving from building to building. Not really surprising in this weather." She blew on her hands a little, then put them back in her pockets. On the one hand, I remember all the ROTC instructors talking about how folks standing like that were just begging for some enemy recon trooper to perforate them with a knife, but on the other hand the woman was probably older than my mom, and was one of the Sergeants who had more or less been on active duty of one kind or another every time there''d been a call up. I certainly wasn''t about to teach her how to suck eggs, y''know?


    "Okay. Lot of fires over there though."


    She nodded. "Yep. That''s why I''ve had four of us at the bridge, rotating every four hours or so, all night every night."


    Curious more than anything else, I asked, "what about daytime?"


    She shrugged. "I keep two guys for day watch, but during the day there are actually people on the street on our side, and I''ve gone around and talked with the locals. They know if they see a bunch of people coming across the bridge, they''re to come and wake me. Really, what with the bridge being flat like it is, instead of arched like the Franklin bridge? Pretty much anyone in town with eyes will see an army coming across during the day."


    "Sounds like you''ve got things handled. I''m gonna head up to the other bridge, then head back to Lancaster House if nothing''s going on up there."


    "Any change to standing orders, Ma''am?"


    I shook my head. "Nope. Yellow flag if you need support, red if it''s urgent, if you see troops coming red and yellow flags and evacuate north."


    She nodded, and I stepped north. The north bridge belonged to Lancaster House, and the local guy in charge of bridge maintenance was the Mayor. I walked down to the bridge and found three Volunteers watching; one in the toll booth along with a local working night shift, and two in secluded spots where they could observe the bridge without being seen from too far away. I walked over to the guy with the dragon-scale shield and nice armor. "Sergeant?"


    He shook his head. "Just Veteran, Ma''am. Two units of us were split up to fill out units where people had died from the plague and there weren''t anybody else to fill them."


    I tilted my head a little, "and you didn''t make Sergeant?"


    He smiled when he shook his head. "Nah. I''m barely a Veteran, and that only because ain''t nobody gonna say fighting against a Dragon doesn''t count."


    I smiled in return. "Where''s the Sergeant then?"


    "She''s got us split into five shifts, each one doing about five hours. She''ll be relieving me in a few hours, but I could go wake her if you like?"


    I shook my head. "Nah, it sounds like you guys have this handled. Have you noticed any extra chimney smoke across the road?"


    He frowned. "No, Ma''am. Kinda the opposite, really. Only a couple chimneys leaking smoke. I half expect the plague hit them hard over there."


    I nodded. "If they don''t come across the Susquehanna before we''ve got all the roads cleared, I might just take a few units over and offer them some humanitarian aid."


    He tilted his head, like the idea didn''t really sit right, but shrugged. "If you think it''s best, Ma''am."


    I nodded, then stepped back to Lancaster House. I''d taken to returning via the Scrying Room, and I found Larry there trying to make the shape for scrying, Bonnie sitting on a chair to the side, leaning her elbow on the arm of the chair, just watching Larry. I watched him as well for a moment, then said, "Yeah, punching the hole through to Metaphoric Space is tough, but once you''ve got that? The rest is a cake walk in comparison."


    He shot me a wry smile. "I''m glad to hear that, at least. I''m not sure I''ve got enough Mana to open a big enough hole to Underhill though."


    I realized right then that while I''d been basically hammering a scrying-pool sized hole through into M-Space, the Spell totally didn''t need that big of a hole. "I know I''m sloppy about it, but I think if you punch even a tiny hole through, it oughta work."


    "Really? That would be a lot easier. I think I''ll wait for morning though." With that, Bonnie hopped out of her chair and came over to mold herself over his side. No idea what she''d been doing all day, but frankly I think if you''ve died in a war, you should definitely get some R&R time to shake it off. Hell, even if all she did was raise Larry''s morale, that was still pretty fuckin'' effective, what with him arguably having more authority than me on Lancaster House lands.


    We walked up, ate dinner with the other in-house Cadets, Saffron and Isnomi, and a bunch of kids and moms. I noticed something, but in an amazing turn of events, decided to ask Saffron about it before blurting it out. Hey, Kitten? I''m noticing a lot more kids than moms out here. Unless they pop them out more than one at a time, some of these kids'' moms aren''t here.


    Something Bonnie suggested, implemented as the Lancaster House residents are most comfortable doing.


    What''s that?


    These are pretty much all the kids Isnomi plays with, which means all the kids from about seven years old and younger. She doesn''t see a need to distinguish between Bag and Dan and Human, and I''ve been watching; they''re following her lead, which is why there are so many dark-haired tots at the table.


    So, where are their moms? Instead of answering, she just nodded behind me; I turned to look and saw one of the local maids standing there. You mean the Bag moms are working as maids while their kids sit at the table?


    She shrugged. Baby steps. Then she grinned. Besides, the Bag moms being servers and maids mean they''ve got jobs to do. The Dan moms are having to learn how to change diapers, and do so for all the kids.


    That got a bark of laughter out of me, which made everybody look at me. I shrugged, and they all shook their heads and went back to eating and chit-chatting about the food, the day, and all the other shit you talk about when you''re focused on food.


    Mimic dreamt of more of the stones game. The barely seen white stones in the near left of the board seemed to have gotten closer to the areas with the black stones. I wish I''d paid more attention to that anime now; maybe I''d have some idea what that meant.


    Woke up to another impromptu living room sleepover; kids got baths, which weirded some of them out what with the frequency of bath time being ''just about every night we stayed at Lancaster House'', but none of them actually objected. The collective Dan moms, who really seemed like glorified babysitters, appreciated the hour or so it took to cycle all the kids through the tub and get them into clean clothes. The maids might have griped about how much laundry we''d been making, but Marie seemed to have decided to take them all under her wing and bring them up to her standards, which meant, among other things, ''you clean the living shit out of anything that''s not clean, no matter how much cleaning that means''.


    Fuck it; given how Marie stood up to the fuckin'' Headmaster and let him know which of them would be there serving the school while the other was so much dust, I figured the local maids could use a little bit of Marie training.


    Larry came with me to the Scrying Room. Bonnie followed, toting some big ledger looking books. While he and I moved the scrying basins around, she sat down on her ass with one of the books open and examined the books column by column. I nodded to her and asked Larry, "what''s up?"


    Bonnie answered, "the Lancaster House books are a mess."


    Larry shot me a rueful smile and said, "apparently my predecessors, even my father, have more or less ignored good bookkeeping, instead preferring to just let overwhelming wealth fix the problems they personally had."


    Bonnie called out, "which would be fine if the only people living on Lancaster lands were Lancasters, but if we''re going to start providing some kind of minimum standard for everyone, we''ll need to stop being sloppy with money."


    Larry chuckled a little and said, "you are, of course, correct, love. As always." He turned to me and said, "apparently her family''s tannery isn''t nearly as lucrative as Lancaster House, so they''ve had to actually track every obol."


    "Wait, isn''t that her maiden name?"


    She called out, "I''m not the best accountant in my side of the family, but living there as one of the two family heads'' eldest daughters, and the only one without some other obvious talents, I couldn''t help but pick up the basics. Whoever did these," she hefted the book on her lap, "didn''t even have that."


    Something clicked somewhere inside my head. "Bonnie?"


    Without looking up from her books, she called out, "yes, commander?"


    "If a team of forensic accountants descended on the Aetos and Obol tanneries'' books, how likely would they be to find several revenue streams not associated with the production of leather and leather related products?"


    She shrugged. "Not likely at all." She grinned without looking away from the book. "That would take a better accountant than the ones who keep our books. Which you''ll not likely find short of New Amsterdam. Or, really, Newark and the smaller Cities New Amsterdam has completely absorbed."


    Holy shit. I''d realized a while ago that the tanners in the Yards were maybe doing some tax scamming, but what Bonnie''d just said made me think they were some kind of Mafia. Like, the actual kind that made money doing all the black market shit, as well as being the de facto regulators for all the different nominally illegal industries in the town. Also the kind that wound up being a kind of shadow government for all the people who did maybe shady shit for a living. At the very least they were money launderers for those kind of folks.


    The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    Fuck it, I might look into it if organized crime became a bigger problem than, y''know, invading armies and plagues and asshole Deities being assholes. What with them having to choose between ''buy an apprenticeship with an artist'' and ''paying an Oracle to find a use for a daughter'', they couldn''t be skimming all that much off the top.


    Maybe I''d ask the Drivers about it.


    At any rate, after about a half hour spent shifting scrying bowls around, Larry and I started scrying on the farmsteads. What with my advice, he managed to get one Scry done for every three I did, but then he didn''t have Mana blowing out his ass to brute force shit. We got through all the stuff I hadn''t done yesterday by lunch time. Took a break for lunch. No idea how she''d done it, and they had no real ''sauce'', but... Tacos. My magnificent Maenad Maid Marie had made tacos. I mean, ground beef, leafy shit, diced onions, little bits of sour cream, shredded cheese, spices. The spicing was a little off, but not in a bad way.


    After watching me tear into them, everybody else at the table gave it a try, and tacos were deemed an absolute success.


    When Larry and I returned to the Scrying Room, we each took one bridge village and opened a scrying portal to it. I did the north one, and when I panned the view around, saw like zero chimneys with smoke coming out. Bad sign, what with winter still having a firm grip on shit. Even worse, the most recent snow hadn''t been cleared. I mean, we didn''t have all our roads cleared quite yet, but the farmsteads cleared their own courtyards at least, and most of the functional ones were keeping the connecting roads clear as well. "Anything over on your side, Larry?"


    "If my estimates are correct, and the number of houses across the river haven''t changed meaningfully, I''d guess at around a thousand, maybe two thousand troops on the far side."


    "How do you figure?"


    "I can''t be absolutely sure, but I''m counting at least a hundred different distinct sources of smoke. I think. I''m still a little iffy on the scrying end of things. But according to my logistics teacher, an army at bivouac will have at least one fire for every twenty soldiers."


    Well. Shit. "Okay, I''ve got an idea. You come over and keep an eye on this village, I''m going to step over to the south one and see if something works the way I think it should."


    He nodded, and I grabbed ahold of one of the scrying bowls. After stepping to the south bridge village, which I''d learned just that morning had the brilliantly creative name of ''Southbridge'', I stepped up to the top of the highest roof in town, bowl coming with me. After nearly losing it off each side of the peaked roof, I managed to Mineral Bond the sucker where I wanted it. I went through my whole scrying routine, but instead of using a picture or person, just kinda pointed the other end at the furthest edge of my line of sight.


    I looked down on a bunch of campfires, with like ten tents around each of them. As I watched, a dude ran out of the nearest building in the village and added a couple logs to one of the fires that had been smoldering down to nothing. That... wasn''t right.


    I stepped to the middle of the encampment and charged into the biggest tent I could see.


    Empty.


    Just to be sure, I sucked in as much Mana as I could hold, then hit the campsite with the biggest air shield I could. Tents flew skyward. Empty tents, without even bedrolls inside them.


    I stepped back to the Scrying Room, called out, "get in touch with everyone, just scry on them and yell real fuckin'' loud, the outbound connection is shitty, but all they need to know is we need to evacuate Northbridge. Shit, to be safe we need to evacuate everything from the Susquehanna to Lancaster House."


    "Yes, Commander. What will you be doing?"


    "Trying to find the actual Calverton troops; that whole bivouac was one big decoy."


    With that I stepped back to the Southbridge rooftop where I''d left my scrying bowl, sliced it free of the roof and stepped to the equally imaginatively named Northbridge, where I duplicated my trick of jumping to the highest roof, then scrying to the edge of my line of sight. A mass of bodies stood waiting, breath steaming in the cold winter air. I stepped down to where our sentry Volunteers stood and said, "we need to evacuate the village immediately."


    "Yes, Ma''am," the Volunteer replied. "Where to, Ma''am?"


    "Pull back to Lancaster House. Carry any supplies you can."


    "What about what we can''t?"


    I thought about it for a second. We''d want those supplies ourselves, but the Calverton army would absolutely take them anyway. "Pile them up and burn them."


    The Volunteer winced. "What about the buildings, sir?"


    "Leave them be. If the Calverton troops get used to staying inside, maybe that''ll give us an edge when they get to Lancaster House. If they burn them down or some shit?" I shrugged. "We can rebuild buildings. We can''t rebuild people."


    If he looked a little shocked at that, he sure as shit didn''t look upset about it. "Yes, Ma''am!" He looked at the other two guys with him and said, "you two start clearing houses, starting here. I''m headed for the bell." He then took off for the center of town.


    I looked at the two guys he''d left, who were already knocking on the nearest doors, and barked out, "I''m gonna go see if I can slow them down any."


    Kitten?


    Yes?


    I think I''ve found the Calverton Army. Far side of the Susquehanna from Northbridge. I''m gonna go buy some time for people to evacuate.


    Be safe.


    Never am. Love you.


    Love you too, Goof.


    With that, I jumped into the middle of the mass of troops I''d seen mustering behind the far village, Mana Blades crackling out from me the moment I did. Before I''d even extended the blades, the small open space I''d dropped into spread outward, like a spark burning a hole in flash paper, as raggedly clothed men, women, and children screamed and ran at the sight of me.


    "Fuck! Everybody on the ground, NOW!" The clear circle around me widened as people straight up dropped into the snow, toppling like dominoes. Eventually the perimeter of fallen people around me hit someone who didn''t fall; a couple guys whose outfits glinted in the sunlight. Armor or jewelry, it didn''t matter, they hadn''t fallen, which meant they were the ones in charge. I stepped over to them, cut the truncheons of two armored dudes who stepped to me in half with my still-extended Mana Blades, and stepped up to the fanciest asshole in the group. "YOU! What''s your name!"


    He drew himself up as like a dozen truncheon armed guys surrounded me on all sides, just out of reach. "I am Mayor Paedric McCann, butcher."


    I blinked. I knew I''d eventually run into someone who''d heard of me in a bad way, but I kind of expected it to be in New Amsterdam or some shit. "Mayor of Northbridge?"


    He spat at me, and I backhanded the filthy gobbet with a Mana Blade without breaking eye contact. "No, fiend, I am Mayor of Calverton City."


    A horrifying thought wormed into my mind. "Why the fuck are you here instead of there?"


    "Because all that remains of Calverton is here! After your plague nearly wiped us out, the fires you set destroyed everything. The people here are the ones who managed to escape the fires, but with no source of warmth other than each other, the plague has spread faster even than your unholy fires." I saw tears in his eyes, running down his cheeks, but couldn''t tell if they were from sorrow or rage until he spoke and I realized those weren''t mutually exclusive. "We are all of us dead men and women walking, but we will have our vengeance!"


    With that, the guys with truncheons leapt at me. I spun, turning their weapons into so much kindling before Co-Locating behind them all and hitting them in the backs of their knees, then slamming knees and fists into the backs of their heads. Most of them were definitely bigger than me, and a couple of them took more than one hit, but these guys were obviously hired muscle, bouncers maybe, but not trained soldiers. When all of them lay groaning, I stepped back into myself, pulled in all but one of my Blades, and said, "okay, Paedrig. I got no clue why the fuck you think we set the plague on you, or why you think we set fires, but I''m not about to start killing random sick folks, let alone little kids."


    "Liar! We''ve seen the carnage you wrought at the walls of Camden Yards, the brutal decimation of the soldiers bravely defending the walls of Newark, and the silent streets after you murdered that poor city! Only your ''Volunteers'' and some turncoat Levies walk those streets now, likely going house to house looting valuables!"


    "HEY!" I matched him for volume, and was getting more pissed off by the second, because everywhere I looked I saw little kids freezing their fucking asses off. "Where the fuck did your army go, then?"


    "When your butchers raped and pillaged their way through Calverton''s lands, they managed to destroy one man in ten of our army, who were sent out to face them assuming they were one rogue rather than a coordinated force. But even that doesn''t matter, for our Army has been blessed by the same God your city scorned! His High Priest came to us, warned us of your treachery, but it was too late! Shortly after he arrived the Plague struck even those who had managed, by breeding or proven worth, to remain healthy!"


    I facepalmed, dragging my hand down to my chin before replying. "Look, Paedrig. I get that the plague hit you. That sucks, because it was definitely aimed at me, but Apollo''s aim is for shit." He opened his mouth, but I shouted, "LET! ME! FINISH!" When he stared in horror at the twin Mana Blades crossed in front of his neck, I pulled back, took a deep breath, and continued. "As for fuckin'' Ares, the asshole you''re listening to ran like a bitch instead of supporting Phileo and the Yards. Not surprising, considering how shit his High Priest from New Amsterdam was. Also, those eight assholes who attacked you? We executed their asses right after we''d found out what they''d done."


    "A likely story."


    I rolled my eyes. "Look, I get that you''re not likely to believe me, but I can''t even go get their heads or some shit, because Larry Lancaster executed them by turning everything above their shoulders to puree."


    ''You would have me believe that not only did you execute eight of your own Heroes, but the Lancaster runt was the one that did it? How na?ve do you believe me to be?"


    I sighed. "Yeah, if I hadn''t been there, if I''d only known him from hearsay and shit? I wouldn''t believe it either. Not really important, though, since I can''t bring you proof. But..." I shook my head, trying to think of something. "Look, I''m the commander of the Phileo relief Expedition to Lancaster House. I''ve just told the people on the far side of the river to evacuate, because I thought you guys were the Calverton Army. There aren''t going to be any supplies, but there are intact houses there and in Northbridge. Get your people inside out of the cold."


    "You will not bribe us into giving up our vengeance, murderer!"


    I grabbed him by the collar and shook him. Shit, I almost popped his head off with a Mana Blade, but I didn''t see anybody else who even looked vaguely ''in charge'', and the terrified looks that greeted my arrival had been replaced into bitter looks of vengeful longing. "Look, at least get your fucking kids in out of the cold. I swear to you that none of my troops will touch anybody who''s unarmed, and I will personally execute any of them who hurts a kid, right in front of you so that fucker sucking Ares'' cock can''t lie to you about it. Now, where the fuck is that cowardly asshole?"


    He coughed at me, familiar phlegm splattering the area around us. "Lord Ares has shown him how to take our Army across the Susquehanna without the need for bridges. By now they''ve taken all those shitty little fishing camps and march on Lancaster House as we speak. We are to follow them the moment they take Northbridge."


    I took a deep breath, closing my eyes in order to keep my temper from giving this fat rich asshole another imaginatively placed orifice. He struggled, and some instinct had me reach out and catch the arm he''d flailed at me. I opened my eyes, twisted his arm, and drove him to his knees. The crowd around us drifted a step closer, filtering until the inner circle was mostly men and larger women. "FUCK!" My shout made them all jump just a little bit. "Are you fuckin'' deaf? I just told you, Northbridge is evacuating as we speak. Yours for the fucking taking, just get your fucking kids in out of the cold. Now I''m gonna go see what the fuck this asshole thinks he''s doing, and when I get back here, if you haven''t all done something obscenely stupid, I''ll take my best shot at helping you out. Capice?"


    Confusion seeped into the angry eyes around me, and I shook my head. I didn''t have time for this shit. I pushed Paedrig down to the snowy ground, then stepped to the middle of the bridge. Translocating my way along the Lancaster side of the Susquehanna, leaping forward as far as I could see each time, I finally came across something that lit the fire of rage that I''d barely kept throttled down in front of those poor sick kids and their families.


    Bridges. Made out of cheap, shoddily made ferries strung together. "FUCK!" I screamed to the uncaring sky as I looked at the burning remains of the fishing camp where the bridges ended. A few mutilated bodies lay in the fires.


    Fury burned in me, but I couldn''t let it take charge. I stepped to each of the farmsteads along the river, kicking in the front door and screaming, "Calverton invasion! Evacuate to Lancaster House, NOW!" before stepping to the next. By some stroke of luck, I got to each before the Calverton army did. I didn''t even see it, which was a good thing, since I doubted they''d try to face me when they could just split up and have the runners go commit more atrocities.


    Instead, I stepped to the Inter-City Council Building. The Council members all looked up, startled to see me jump into the room with Mana Blades lit. "Where the FUCK is Oliver Orange?"


    General Lancaster replied. "He does attend some meetings with his father, to provide moral support to his sister, much as Mr. Driver does for his wife. It has been a while though, I''d heard he was feeling poorly. Not the plague, thankfully, just the after-effects of being savaged in combat."


    My eyes snapped to Saffron. "Do you know where he''d be?" She nodded. "Bring him."


    She disappeared, and a second or two later she showed up holding Oliver by his collar. He struggled a bit, moaning out what I took as imprecations, but without hands or feet he couldn''t really get any leverage. I stepped up to him, but looked at General Lancaster. "Did anybody talk about our pontoon bridges in front of this asshole?"


    Leonard tilted his head, thinking, then nodded once. "Yes, we have, when talking about expanding our ability to send relief forces across the Hudson."


    I looked back at Oliver, grabbing him by the collar and, retracting my Mana Blade, punched him square in his magically restored nose. "You told him, didn''t you?" I screamed in his face.


    He didn''t answer in words, just looked me in the eye and began laughing that smug, asshole laugh I''d heard from so many pieces of shit who thought they''d never face consequences for their wrongdoing.


    "I''ll take that as a yes."


    "A yes to what, Commander?" asked General Lancaster.


    "This asshole told Ares about the pontoon bridges. And Ares told his former High Priest to Phileo, who just led Calverton''s entire army across the Susquehanna on them." I turned back to Oliver. "Isn''t that right, you piece of pig shit?"


    Speaking slowly, just to make sure I understood, he said, "adda oo gunna oo a-out i?" then went back to his laughter.


    "Just this." I popped out a Mana Blade and shoved it through his crotch. When his eyes popped and he started screaming, I lifted my hand up, extended Mana Blades from my index and pinky fingers, and shoved an inch long Mana Blade into each of his eyes. "And just so you can''t hear any fucking more secrets to tell your piece of shit God..." I sliced both his ears off, then wiggled a one-inch Mana Blade inside of each one like the world''s least pleasant Q-Tip. Then I shoved my fingers up his nose and, instead of ripping it off like last time, I Mana Bladed the front of his face smooth.


    Almost as an afterthought I took his legs off at the knees and his arms off at the elbows, then dropped his moaning carcass to the floor, kicking him square in his burned-out crotch for good measure.


    I looked up to see Ophelia Orange trying entirely unsuccessfully to break free from where General Lancaster held her by one arm. "How dare you! How DARE you! By what right have you done this to my brother!"


    Before I could respond, General Lancaster cut in. "Perhaps your knowledge of basic military governance is lacking, Lady Orange. Your brother admitted to betraying state secrets to foreign powers in time of crisis, and those foreign powers have now used those secrets to attack us. I find Commander Diaz'' restraint quite admirable, as she could have executed him for High Treason. I''m still tempted to do so, save for the fact that she obviously desired to be merciful, and I will accept her judgement in this."


    "Merciful? Merciful! You''ve left him deaf, blind, mute, and limbless! How is that merciful?"


    Lancaster pulled her around so she looked at him rather than her brother. "Because I have been recently made aware that destruction of souls is now an option in these matters, and as it is? He can always ask to be sent to meet his God in person."


    When the General mentioned destruction of souls, Ophilia blanched, but went limp. "Yeah, don''t mean to be rude and rush out, but I''ve got to deal with some fuckin'' Calverton assholes who''ve been lied to by another High Priest of Aphrodite''s fuckboi."


    Before I could step away, Saffron called out. "Commander!"


    I turned to her, snapping to attention and saluting. "Yes, Imperator?"


    Her eyes dark, she stared into mine and said, "End this. And as for the traitor Priest?"


    "Yes?"


    "See to it that he does not return to his God."


    A predatory grin stretched across my face, and my Mana Blades pushed out unbidden. "You got it, Kitten."

 Day Two Hundred And Forty

    Dear Diary,


    Why the fuck is it that when I''m absolutely ready to throw down, the asses that deserve kicking are nowhere to be found?


    Seriously, I never really expected people to sneak around avoiding conflict with me. Why the fuck would anyone do that? I mean, other than maiming a Goddess and a High Priest of Ares and fucking up two whole armies and... yeah, I think maybe I''m starting to see the problem.


    After getting my marching orders from my lovely bride, I stepped back to Lancaster House to find Larry calling out, "...verton Army has crossed the Susquehanna!" and see Bonnie packing away the books. The moment he saw me, Larry said, "Commander?"


    "Have you gotten eyes on the Calverton Army yet?"


    He shook his head, "I suspect they''re both heading cross country and have someone protecting the Army against scrying."


    "Fuck. I''m gonna have to Translocate down to the Susquehanna and follow their trail."


    Before I could do just that, Larry said, "Commander, wait!"


    I paused, raising an eyebrow. "You want to come along?"


    "No, ma''am, but they''ve been getting information from Oliver Orange."


    I frowned. "How did you figure that out?"


    He barked out something approaching a laugh. "Something about scrying on my Patron when she disappeared and didn''t come right back."


    I responded with an equally harsh laugh. "Okay, fair point. Why does that matter, though?"


    Larry took a deep breath and held up a hand for patience. "Oliver told them about the pontoon bridges, obviously, but why would he tell them about those and not tell him about what happened to New Amsterdam''s armies?"


    I heard myself growl without realizing I was doing it. "If they''re trying to mousetrap me, they''ll find their mousetrap isn''t good enough."


    "No, Commander. Or, not entirely that. We''ve sparred, you and I. Did you win every time?"


    "No, but I wasn''t trying to kill you, just sparring."


    He smiled ruefully at me, "I assure you, Commander, after that day in the Marshall''s class, neither was I. But what I mean is that you are, in fact, neither omnipotent or more importantly omniscient. The times I beat you were when I managed to surprise you. I have no doubt that if you follow the trail of that army, you will find a nigh-endless series of traps and ambushes. Whether they''re intended to kill you or just slow you down while the main army advances doesn''t really matter. If what the Mayor said is true, Calverton has no other forces anywhere. Even if we assume they lost half of their men to the Plague, there are still thousands of men marching on Lancaster House."


    I took a deep breath and put my still-extended Mana Blades away. "Shit. They''re gonna scatter and rabbit if I find them, aren''t they?"


    He nodded. "I doubt they''re even travelling in a single mass. You found one set of pontoon bridges, but unless I miss my guess there are others, each just out of sight of the previous ones."


    "SHIT. Our troops."


    "Exactly. If they were travelling in a single group, our orders to our pickets would work. But as is? They''ll just run into another part of the Calverton army."


    "I''ve got to go get them moving, get them out of the fuckin'' way. If they''re not screwed already."


    He nodded. "If you can go warn them, along with the southern line of farmsteads, I''ll keep trying to contact our Cadets."


    I shook my head. "No. Start getting Lancaster House ready for a siege."


    Now it was his turn to look surprised. "Yes, Commander. Why?"


    I took a deep breath, forcing my fury at Ares'' cavalier use of Calverton''s kids back down. "Where''s the one place we know they''ll converge on?"


    "Shit."


    "Exactly. If you can think of a way, see if we can''t find some way to block off their retreat once they''re here. Hell, even just slowing them down so our guys can keep them from becoming an eternal banditry problem is enough. Just remember, it''ll take them upwards of four days to get here cross country. So we need to have everything ready for them in two."


    This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.


    "Two? Why not four? Or more, like you said?"


    "Because a stupid enemy is a gift from God, and not too many Gods are in the mood to give us gifts at the moment."


    With that I stepped to Northbridge, only to find people bustling around, getting ready to head north, a big pile of miscellaneous supplied stacked right in the town square. "Sergeant!"


    Within seconds the Sergeant came running up to me. "Yes, Ma''am?" he asked.


    "Forget about destroying the supplies." I jerked my head to indicate the bridge. "That batch is nothing but refugees. Take everything you can, but leave whatever''s left for them."


    His mouth worked for a bit, "but... Calverton?" leaking out eventually.


    "Kids, Sergeant. Women and children and other poor assholes who don''t deserve to starve, no matter what bullshit their Army pulls."


    "Yes, Ma''am. Understood, Ma''am." He saluted, and if he had a certain degree of anger in his eyes, I figured at least some of it was at whoever had kids marching in weather like this.


    With that I hopped to each of the farmsteads along the river, confirming they''d started evacuating; the only one that wasn''t evacuating was empty, tracks leading along the north road. Eventually I wound up at Southbridge; they were just about to move out. "Any news, Ma''am?" called the Sergeant.


    "No, Sergeant. Nothing good, anyhow. Just get everyone here to Lancaster House as soon as you can."


    She''d jogged over while I spoke, and quietly said, "that''s going to be at least a three day trek, and then only if we can march through the night most nights."


    I sighed. "I know, Sergeant. Stay on the roads; from what we can tell they''re all going cross-country. That''ll slow them down some. Hopefully enough."


    She nodded. "Will do, Ma''am."


    "I''ll let you get to it, then." I proceeded to jump to the southeasternmost farmstead of our cleared grid and hammered on the door to the farmhouse. The moment it opened, I said, "Calverton troops are across the Susquehanna. You need to gather your people and head to Lancaster House, now."


    Credit where it''s due, the farmstead Holder didn''t argue, just asked, "do we have time to bundle everyone up and grab supplies?"


    I nodded, "you''ll need them, or you won''t make it in this weather, but you need to be out as soon as possible, and keep going as long as you can every day until you hit Lancaster House."


    "Yes, Ma''am."


    With that he turned and started shouting to wake the house up. I stepped west along the road, landing in the middle of a Volunteer unit setting up camp for the night. "Sergeant!"


    One of the Volunteers broke off what she was doing and jogged over to me. "Yes, Ma''am?"


    "Calverton is across the river and moving cross-country. I need you to head east to the next farmhouse, then help them evacuate toward Lancaster House. All the supplies your men can carry." I took a deep breath, hating what I had to say next. "If you''re overtaken, you need to hold as long as you can to give the civilians the best chance to get away."


    That caught her for a moment, then she took a deep breath and said, "I understand, Ma''am."


    I smiled at her. "Hopefully it won''t come to that, and even if it does, Calverton''s forces are most likely moving in small units until they get closer to Lancaster House. I''ll be sending the next couple units your way as well, which means you won''t be alone. You might even have enough men to beat whoever finds you. But don''t risk the civilians'' lives and freedom on that, got it?"


    The look in her eyes went from resigned acceptance to a fierce determination. "Yes, Ma''am." Her lips curled up into something resembling a smile as she said, "as I''ve heard you say, Ma''am, if they fuck around, we''ll make sure they find out."


    I clapped one hand on her shoulder. "That''s the spirit. Get to it!"


    Again I left the sound of shouted orders behind. Unit by unit I jumped along the road, sending them to whichever farmstead was nearest, repeating my orders to carry what they could, but otherwise get the people the fuck out. By the time I''d hit every unit and farmstead in a broad cone south of Lancaster House, I couldn''t even say it was ''getting late''. More like it was ''almost dawn''. I stepped into the Scrying Room, a little woozy after pushing myself through so many Translocations, so many conversations. Most likely the worst of it, so many people I had to maybe lie to, that they would make it here to us before the Calverton''s caught them.


    Saffron stood there in her Cadet uniform, Marie playing quietly with the menace. "Are you okay, love?"


    I stumbled over to her, pulling her in for a hug. A moment later Isnomi slammed into our legs, her arms going around us. Marie followed, her arms going around us in a far firmer grip, if one that wasn''t nearly as uncontrolled. "I''m fine. No sign of the Calverton troops so far, everyone even vaguely in their path warned and moving. Larry told you what''s going on?" She nodded. "I''m sorry I couldn''t catch and kill that asshole for you."


    She just smiled up at me. "Yet."


    Not sure what it says about me that a hungry, cruel smile slid across my face as I replied. "Yet."


    I felt a lot better about life in general when Marie rumbled out, "yet."


    Of course the three of us all smiled much more naturally when the Menace piped up, "yet!"


    "You gonna have to leave for work soon, Kitten?"


    She shook her head. "I''ve told the Council we won''t be meeting for the next few days, and left General Lancaster in charge of continuing our work in New Amsterdam."


    I looked at her, sudden fear clutching at my heart. "You mean..."


    "Yes, Goof. I mean. I''m the only person we have who can cover as much ground as you as quickly as you."


    I huffed out a breath. "I don''t want you tangling with Calverton''s troops on your own."


    She shook her head as we started up the stairs toward our room. "I''ve no intention of doing that, love. If I see Calverton troops, I''m headed straight back here to report on them. As I expect you to do as well."


    "Better not. Or I''ll have to tie you up so tight you can''t even Translocate."


    She chuckled. "After we''ve dealt with Calverton, Goof. After."


    "Aww... not even a little?"


    "Maybe just a little. After you''re cleaned up and have had a good sleep. You reek to the point it''s no longer appetizing, and I can only imagine how much you''ve pushed yourself to get that sweaty."


    I pouted. "It wasn''t even fun sweat."


    She put her arm around my waist as we went up the stairs, her hand going in circles on my lower back. "There, there, love. We''ll both need to be working ourselves sweaty until we''ve dealt with Calverton, but think of the anticipation."


    "Anticipation?"


    "Yes, Goof. Anticipation. Which, as you''ve finally begun to realize..."


    She looked up at me, mischief in her eyes, and after a moment we both chorused, "that makes it even better."


    Now if only that were true about anticipating the Calverton Army and Ares'' fuckery.

 Day Two Hundred And Forty-One

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, the longer I live in the here and now world, the more I agree with Inigo Montoya.


    I hate waiting.


    So yesterday after my super late night, Saffron and I decided to just stay up. We wouldn''t be at our best, but with another snowstorm moving in we really doubted the Calverton troops would be up to moving after dark. Hell, our own troops would have problems getting through the shit to evacuate. It''s never one problem at a time. It''s everything, everywhere, all at once, going to shit. Luckily for all our sakes, the menace decided to go ''check on her friends'' once she saw me home safe. Some part of me thought she probably still had ''sleep to grow'' in the back of her head, but honestly? I wasn''t sure it wouldn''t work, and Primordial or not, she was still a little kid, and needed her sleep.


    Larry, Saffron, and I took over the Scrying Room. We were down one scrying bowl, but fortunately Lancaster House had spares of spares. I didn''t say anything to Larry or Bonnie, but internally it made me really relieved that whatever other things were around in the here and now, ''minimalism'' wasn''t one of them. Over the course of the past few days, Oscar and his minions had found enough appropriately large bowls that by placing them strategically, we could scry on all of our populated farmsteads without moving any bowls.


    Over the course of the day, we managed to pick up all of our Cadets and the troops that had been with them. That left us shorter on supplies than I''d like, since we basically had what the Volunteers could carry. Fortunately we also had what the Cadets could carry, which meant everything Carruthers could carry, which turned out to be a pair of goddamned cows. Fortunately, they''d just slaughtered them, so they didn''t wiggle around, and he still had some problems keeping them on his shoulders, but holy shit that man was strong. As soon as he and Fred and their Volunteers arrived, Oscar directed them to one of the wings, where Lancaster House had a whole butchery set up. Is that what you call it? The place where you butcher animals? I know the place where you kill them is an abattoir, but that''s not where you render them, right?


    While the rest of our Cadets helped keep the fortifications clear of snow, not to mention making sure the Volunteers could get to and from the fortifications, Larry, Saffron and I kept watch over the farmsteads along Calverton''s line of advance. The last of the evacuees got under cover in a farmstead right around sunset. Fear is a powerful motivator.


    I looked over at the other two. "Go get some rest. I''ll keep watch here."


    Saffron shook her head. "You need rest too, Goof."


    I smiled as I walked over and pulled her into a hug. "Yeah, I know. But I''m tired, while you''ve got luggage. Go sleep for eight hours, then both of you come back here and take the other half of the night."


    Larry had been chewing on his lip a little as he pondered something. "Commander?"


    "What''s up, Larry?"


    "Do you think we should teach the other Cadets how to Scry?"


    I shrugged. "Couldn''t hurt, but we kinda need them keeping the troops rotated, don''t we?"


    He nodded slowly. "True, but we could rotate, say, a third of them at a time in here to learn. It would mean that the three of us aren''t stuck here on Scrying duty."


    "Fair point. Can you arrange it?" At his nod I said, "Okay then. Tomorrow first thing. But for now, go get some sleep."


    He smirked at me. "As soon as Bonnie lets me."


    I clutched at my chest. "Cruel! Cruel and unkind, reminding me of that which I cannot partake!"


    He shrugged and laughed as he walked toward the steps. "Just another reason for me to train up more folks who can Scry, right?"


    I watched through the night, cycling my three scrying pools through half a dozen farms, watching for any Calverton troops catching up to where our people had set in to rest for the night. Luckily none did. Midway through the night the other two came back, and I trudged up to our suite. When I got to the bedroom after peeling clothes off and dropping them on the floor as I trudged through the living room, Saffron was waiting for me in the bed. "You must be tired, Goof."


    "Yuh... Yeah? Why?"


    "Because you didn''t even think of doing this while you were scrying."


    "Fair point." I said, the latter half muffled as I collapsed face first into bed.


    "Poor Goof. So tired. I''ll help you get to sleep."


    She did, and I woke up in the morning to her gently shaking me. "Good morning, Goof. Time to rise and shine!"


    "Shamble and glow, that''s the best I''ve got."


    She laughed and helped me get dressed. When I got down to the Scrying Room, where the maids had set up a buffet along one wall, Larry was already showing Bonnie and Raven the shaping for scrying. I nodded to him just as Saffron stepped up in front of me. "We may have a problem."


    "What now." I stopped, held up a hand, and shook my head to clear it. Didn''t work, but still. "Sorry. What''s wrong?"


    Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.


    She just smiled up at me before saying, "it looks like the storm has our refugees hiding in the farmstead buildings."


    "Shit. What''s left of Calverton''s army is probably Hero heavy. Hey, Larry!"


    He paused his demonstration. "Yes, Commander?"


    "How likely is the storm to slow Calverton''s army down meaningfully?"


    He shook his head. "Not very."


    "Shit, that''s what I thought. We''re gonna need to put boots on the ground to help them clear a path. They''ve got the Volunteers to break trail, but given that even the Volunteers with them have hunkered, I''m guessing we need to go help out." I stopped for a moment, then said, "okay. Angel and Bill along the east path, Fred and Linus on the west, Lachlan and Larry on the central east, and me on the central west."


    Bonnie looked a little put out. "What about me?"


    "You and Raven are going to stay here and learn Scrying from the Imperator." When Saffron tugged gently at my sleeve, I looked down and said, "sorry, Kitten, we need to keep you safe."


    She sighed. "I know. It''s just... frustrating and terrifying to have you going out into this weather, with enemy troops around, and not being able to go with you."


    I lifted her hand and put it against my breast. "You''re always with me in here, Kitten."


    She blushed and nodded, then pulled me in for a kiss. When we separated, she waved her hands at me. "Okay, go on, shoo, shoo, go collect the other five."


    Larry and I left Bonnie and Saffron in the Scrying Room and jogged through Lancaster House collecting all the Cadets who''d finished breakfast, along with eight of our Dragonhide clad Veteran units. It took me a few Translocations, but I dropped each pair of Cadets with a pair of units, then took my own to the west-central farmstead. I hammered on the farmhouse door while the Volunteers started stamping down the snow in the courtyard. The door jerked open, four crossbow-wielding Veterans arrayed inside to perforate any enemy who might be standing where I stood.


    "Good thinking, but I''m mostly friendly."


    "Mostly?" The Sergeant who''d pulled the door open chuckled. "What''s wrong, Commander?"


    "We need to get everyone here moving."


    She looked out at the fat, fluffy flakes pouring out of the sky. "In this?"


    I sighed and popped a filtration ward set to stop frozen water over the farmstead core buildings. "I can do that much, and you Volunteers can break trail, but we''ve got to get moving."


    She sighed. "Yes, ma''am."


    As she turned to get the folks in the house moving, I heard something over the constant hiss of falling snow. Acting on instinct, I shaped a globe of water around my left hand as I turned, and steam exploded around my hand as it caught some kind of fire spell. a couple dozen shadows showed through the snow, three more points of light forming among them. Two of my Volunteers were down, but they pushed themselves to their feet as I watched, brushing soot off the front of their chest armor.


    "Shields up and advance! Fire by ranks!" I shouted before leaping behind the nearest pinprick of fire. I didn''t stop to think or identify them, just spun low and cut them off at the knees. Literally. I stepped and slashed my way deeper into their formation, going for laming hits rather than killing ones; I didn''t know which of these guys had a justified hate on for us from what the cousins had done, which of them were part of Ares'' whole propaganda plan, and which of them were poor dupes who''d drunk the Kool Aid.


    The battle, if you could call it that, wound up being like sixty seconds of screaming in near-zero visibility. By the end of it, the Volunteers had barely made it to the edge of my Filtration Ward, but they''d taken down as many Calverton troops as I had. What with there being thirty of them and one of me, and my attempts at being ''firm but gentle'' with the enemy, I figured that was fair. I sent the troops back to help get the refugees ready to move, then hopped around the battlefield piling all the Calverton troops near each other. I didn''t really even check to see if they were breathing or not, and I left them like ten paces away from the edge of the Ward around the farmstead.


    I picked up the guy with the fanciest looking uniform and said, "you alive?"


    I hadn''t needed to ask, what with his breath pluming out in the cold, but when I did his eyes opened to narrow slits and he growled. "Finish me off already, butcher."


    I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "Look, I think we''ve gotten off on the wrong foot..." I looked down. He was one of the ones I''d left with only one. "Okay, poor word choice on my part, but still. Those eight fuckers who decided to have a war crime party across the Susquehanna were executed. We''d show you the bodies, but the method of execution didn''t leave them really identifiable, and we''ve dumped their bodies in with the tanning waste."


    "You expect me to believe any of this, butch..." his epithet got interrupted by a huge coughing fit. I sighed, laid him down with his men, then popped up a smaller Filtration Ward above the pile of Calverton Troops to give me some visibility. I shaped a Mass Cure over all of them, then fired a Heal at each of them. By the time I was done, I heard the Sergeant calling for me.


    "Look, I don''t have time to talk about it, but we''re leaving right now. There ought to be some supplies left at that farmstead," I nodded at the buildings, which were barely visible through the snow, "and even if there aren''t, you can still get in out of the snow."


    "Why would we trust you, butcher?"


    I shrugged. "No idea. Honestly? I don''t really give a shit if you do or not. I consider my due diligence done here, what with curing and healing all of your sorry asses, not to mention pointing you at shelter in this shit." I waved at the snow, then stepped over to the courtyard, which was packed with Volunteers and refugees, all loaded down with whatever supplies they could carry. "Okay, everybody. Two units in front breaking trail behind me, two units in the rear making sure those assholes don''t get some bright ideas about following us, and also to help anybody who falls out to keep up. We''ll swap positions every half hour."


    I turned, made the first of my anti-blizzard Filtration Wards, and started hiking through the snow, Volunteers hard on my heels. We spent the day like that, although there was so much snow that by lunchtime the Volunteers were barely able to shove themselves through it. At that point I got the bright idea to Air Shield the road before Warding it, and we kept on keeping on like that until we hit the next farmstead just before nightfall. Of course, the Volunteers and farmers who''d bunkered down here were still occupying the place, but given the weather? Nobody much complained about being packed into the buildings like sardines overnight.


    I stepped into the courtyard, looking through the Filtration Ward at the dome of snow forming above it. Kitten?


    Yes, Goof?


    Can you check on the others? I''m beat. Thinking of sleeping right here just in case.


    The others have all made it through to the next farmsteads. Do you need to stay there, or are you just tired?


    Mostly just tired.


    Okay. Wait right there.


    About ninety seconds later, she was there, arms around me. A moment later, we stood in our living room, and I kinda collapsed sideways. Marie caught me, and together she and Saffron and even the Menace helped get me undressed, bathed, and into bed. "Morning comes early, love. Get some sleep."


    So I did.

 Day Two Hundred And Forty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    Sometimes I''m an idiot, but other times my intuition is better than I gave it credit for. Okay, mostly I''m just an idiot, but the other does happen now and then.


    I woke up covered in a pile of little kids. Absolutely not the way I expected to wake up, but other than the sort of lingering smell of little kid, not an entirely unpleasant way of waking up either.


    I slipped my eyes open to take a wireframe look at the bed. Like everything else I''d seen at Lancaster House, it was not only big and aesthetically impressive, but it did it''s job really well. Soft, warm, comfortable, just firm enough to give support while soft enough to contour to my body. Of course, that whole ''big'' meant that the crowd of kids atop Marie, Saffron and I really deserved the name ''crowd''. From the angle I could get while not jostling them, there were over a dozen, with Isnomi claiming pride of place scooched in between Saffron and I. Of course, plenty of the other kids had followed suit, so there were a couple little ones between our legs, and while Marie had an arm around Saffron, most of the kids I could see were piled up between the two of them, with a couple lying atop a totally motionless Marie.


    Her eyes slid open, and I asked, "did you sleep okay?"


    "No." Then she smiled. "Worth."


    I smiled at that. "Ain''t it though?" By the feel of it, I had at least two kids snuggled up behind me, and I think one had wormed their way under the covers with their head pillowed on my ass. Weird choice, but maybe the Academy''s indestructible beds were somebody''s idea of comfortable.


    We lay there for a while, Marie quietly purring under the hill of kids piled around and on top of her, me just vibing. Eventually, though, Marie reached out and pressed one fingertip on Saffron''s nose. I couldn''t help it, I let out a tiny, "boop", and a moment later her whole boot-up sequence started. Smelling the air, tasting it, then gradually pushing her eyes open. "Good morning, Kitten."


    She smiled even before her eyes really focused. "Good morning, Goof. Good morning, Marie. I take it that breakfast is soon?"


    "Yes."


    I sighed. "I don''t really think I can stay for bath time, loves."


    Saffron pulled me into a kiss. "Any sadness I feel about that is dispersed fully by hearing you say that."


    As I slowly twisted myself around to gently move kids so I could get out of the bed, I asked, "say what?"


    Slowly, like she savored the word, she said, "loves. Plural. Without any sense of self-consciousness or self-recrimination. Just a statement of fact as certain as sunrise."


    I smiled at her, and at Marie as well, since I could see both of them curled up on the same side to face me. "Huh. I did, didn''t I?" Once I got myself fully extricated, and the one kid who''d burrowed under pulled up so their head was on the pillow where mine had been, I leaned over and kissed Saffron, then dropped a quick peck on Isnomi''s forehead. While the Menace was still blinking herself awake, I moved around to Marie''s side of the bed, popping my uniform on as I did. When I reached Marie, she''d twisted her head around to face me. It struck me right then how much things had changed. Instead of reacting like Marie''s face pointing one way while her hips pointed the other was high grade Nightmare Fuel? I just kissed her as thoroughly as I had Saffron. Because it wasn''t Nightmare Fuel. Just Marie. My lover, my friend, godmother to my child.


    I might have spent a little longer kissing her than was absolutely necessary. Fuck it, this is my reward for doing a Hero''s job without even getting a Hero''s pay, right?


    Funny thing, really. It had been quite a while since I''d thought about how, on graduation and promotion to official Hero-dom, I''d have it made. I mean, that thought still put pleasant butterflies in my stomach, with a few maybe fluttering a little lower like the absolute horndogs that butterflies are, but, completely without meaning to, I''d kind of decided that doing the job was the important part; any wealth and power I got from it? Purely secondary. Frosting on the cake. The cherry on top of the ice cream.


    Yeah, jumping straight to food metaphors showed me that despite everything else, I was still me, y''know?


    So once I''d given the family good bye kisses, I stepped back down to the farmstead where Linus and Fred were supposed to be. Despite the murky light of false dawn and a trickle of snow still coming down, they already had their Veterans breaking trail, the farmers sorting themselves into a few columns for the march, with the bigger guys and gals on the outside and the smaller ones on the inside, including any of the kids who had to be carried. Every one of them, big or small, carried some kind of big sack or backpack or container. All of them looked pretty exhausted, but their eyes burned with a kind of grim determination. I stepped over to Fred and asked, "everything going okay?"


    He paused a moment, then nodded. "Folks are still tired from yesterday, but yeah, they''re moving. I''m not sure if we''ll be able to keep up the pace for another day after that, though."


    I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and dug up one of the awfulest phrases I remembered from the ROTC DIs. "You will. They will. Because you have to."


    "Yes, ma''am. One way or another, we''ll figure something out."


    "Good. I''ll try to check in on you, and Saffron will be scrying from Lancaster House. You know the deal, get something yellow in the air if you need something, something red if you need an immediate intervention." When he nodded, I said, "okay. Gotta go check on the others, then get my own column moving."


    I checked on Bill and Angel, who already had all of their steaders on the march, and were about to set out behind the Volunteers that they''d collected. "You guys okay?"


    Bill answered for both of them as Angel kept moving. "Yes, ma''am. No sign of Calverton, and everybody''s carrying all the supplies they can."


    "Excellent. Keep it up."


    I stepped to Larry and Lachlan to find they''d already left. I hopped along the trail, and after two Translocations I caught up to them. They spun, Larry''s Blade coming up before they realized it was me. "Jumpy much?"


    That''s when I noticed a pretty ugly burn across Lachlan''s jacket. "Sorry, Commander. A small scouting unit of Calverton heroes caught up with us yesterday."


    "Are you both okay?"


    Larry shook his head, but Lachlan nodded, saying, "nothing a Heal Injury won''t be able to fix once we''re back at Lancaster House."


    I stepped up to him, dropped a Heal on his chest, and said, "hopefully that''ll keep you close enough to tip top shape to deal with anyone else that catches you. You guys should make it to Lancaster House by tonight, right?" They both nodded, and I said, "cool. I''ve got to get my guys moving, if they haven''t already, so..."


    If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.


    Larry, who''d gotten a speculative look when I Healed Lachlan, quietly asked, "Commander? Is there a reason you haven''t just Translocated everyone back to Lancaster House already?"


    My mouth dropped open. "Yes. The very worst reason of all, unfortunately." When he just raised an inquisitive eyebrow, I said, "because yours truly is an idiot." When he snorted out a laugh, I followed that up with, "I''m gonna go get my own guys back to Lancaster House first, since they''ve got the weakest protective detail with me not being there. My upper limit on Translocating at the moment is about a dozen people, so it''s gonna take a lot of trips. Not sure how many I''ve got in me before I tire out, especially since I''ll be carrying quite a few people at a time." I took another deep breath and said, "I''ll take care of mine, then Fred and Linus'' evacuees, then Angel and Bills''."


    Larry shot me a crooked grin. "So our reward for being the best escorts is to be last in line for rapid transportation, huh?"


    "Afraid so. Also, should I wind up running out of gas before I''ve moved everybody, you guys have the shortest remaining trip."


    He nodded, smiling. "Don''t worry, Commander. Not to put too fine a point on it, but other than yourself, Lachlan and I are the best escorts, and we do have the shortest remaining trip. Do what you can, but try not to hurt yourself again. We''ll need you when Calverton''s troops arrive at Lancaster House."


    With that, I stepped back to my group. Or really to the farmstead they''d spent the night at, because they''d already left. I hopped after them, catching up to one of my two Veteran units bringing up the rear after three Translocations. "Good work getting everyone moving, Sergeant."


    She nodded. "I set the local Volunteers to breaking trail, and I''ve got the other Phileo Veterans alongside the middle of the column to slow down anyone who comes at us from the sides long enough for us to get there."


    "Good thought, Sergeant. I''m going to be Translocating groups back to Lancaster House. I''m not sure how many I can do before I''m out of steam, but worst case, I''ll get the most vulnerable folks there. Best case, we''ll all be indoors at Lancaster House tonight."


    She smiled at me through the snow. "Packed in like sardines, but that''s not a bad thing in this weather."


    I nodded, then stepped forward to the middle of the column. I cherry picked all six moms carrying kids, then the six smallest kids, pulling them out of the column to the side. Even each of the little kids had some kind of pack or satchel or bag over their shoulders, and the moms had big packs in addition to their kids. I spaced them out so each kid had an adult to either side of them. "Okay everybody join hands." That wound up requiring some juggling of kids and hands, but once we had a circle, I stepped them all to Lancaster House''s Scrying Room.


    I sank to my knees, feeling not unlike I''d just tried to lift the fucking House, rather than just carrying twelve people back to it. "This must be what a hernia feels like. Ow." Kitten? A moment later, Saffron was at my side, Glowing Midnight fluttering. Before she said anything, she hit me with a Heal Injury. "What the fuck happened?"


    "I was about to ask you the same, but I think I know." She nodded to the group I''d brought. "Your current safe upper limit is around twelve people, yes?"


    "Yeah, and?"


    "You just Translocated eighteen." As I bonked my head against the floor, I noticed the moms and kids all shucking off packs and satchels. Bonnie and Raven had grabbed up Oscar and some of his minions, some of them guiding the refugees upstairs to get some food, others collecting the satchels full of supplies and taking them to wherever Lancaster House stored that shit. "Not only that, but all of them were laden with packs."


    I looked up at her, "why''s that matter?"


    She shrugged, slipping into lecture mode as I pushed myself back to my feet. "With few exceptions, people do not consider a pack to be part of themselves. This means it''s not suffused with their Mana."


    "And what, their clothing is?"


    She nodded. "Not to put too fine a point on it, but have you seen anyone except Heroes and other wealthy people with more than one set of clothing?"


    As she pulled me into a hug, which sorta inexplicably made me feel better, I said, "oof. Yeah, I guess I get that." A thought struck me. "Wait, didn''t you pull Marie''s cart to Loki''s cave?" She just stared at me until comprehension dawned. "That''s not just ''one of the carts the maids use'', is it?"


    "Nope. Marie''s cart. I suspect she''d explain things in a pointed manner to any of the other Maenads who tried to use it. ''Wake up tomorrow'' pointed. As would they should someone use theirs."


    "Huh." I chuckled. "Well, at least we know what accessories her action figure comes with."


    She smiled up at me, and the pain I''d felt on arrival receded to the kind of dull ache that doesn''t really hurt, just lets you know that renewed pain is definitely an option. "You are so delightfully weird. You''ll have to explain that one to me tonight."


    "You got it, Kitten." I stretched a bit; nothing physical felt damaged, really. A little achy, but nothing I couldn''t work through. "Any way you can tell me how much I can do without straining myself?"


    She stepped back about an arm''s length and tossed an Assess Health at me. After a few moments of shifting around things I couldn''t see, she asked, "you''ll be bringing their cargo with them too, won''t you?"


    I sighed. "I''m guessing everyone else, Volunteers included, are carrying everything they can over a long march already. So yeah. We need the supplies."


    Her lips curved into something that might charitably be called a smile. "And you''ve just discovered why moving cargo via Translocation isn''t as useful as one would hope."


    I nodded. "Yeah. I could probably get us, what, about fifty pounds per trip safely?"


    Her lips drew together into a cute little moue. "I''d guess closer to two hundred if you aren''t carrying any passengers, but yes. Enough that if you did nothing else until you exhausted yourself you could probably supply us from Phileo, but..."


    "But then I''d be exhausted, which is not the condition I need to be in when Calverton''s troops catch us."


    She nodded. "Okay. Four per trip. Before you strained yourself I would have said six, perhaps eight if you pushed, but given the number of refugees you''re going to be moving, you need to not push on any given trip."


    I blew out a lungful of air. "Okay, Kitten. I''m gonna be bouncing in here a lot. Can you guys set up intake here, to get them all patched up from any road related trauma? I''m gonna be bringing the moms with little kids and any self-mobile kids first; we''ll see how much gas I''ve got left in the tank after that."


    She nodded, and I stepped back to my column. I stepped over to the Sergeant in the rear first. "Okay, Sergeant. Apparently I''m not quite as fully healed up as I should be, so I don''t think I''ll be able to take everyone the fast way. But I''m going to get all the kids and moms with little kids to Lancaster House. Sorry, but I''m not sure I''ll be able to do more."


    The Sergeant shook her head as she let out a sigh of relief. "Don''t worry about that, Commander. Just getting the ones who absolutely cannot fight out of the column will take a load off my mind. Off the minds of a lot of the farmhands as well."


    "The farmhands can fight?"


    She chuckled. "They''re not armored, and not really trained in any kind of group tactics, but have you ever been punched by somebody who wrangles livestock for a living? Or somebody who swings a scythe all day? Or a smith? Nah, forget I asked that last, you''re still in possession of all your limbs."


    I nodded and laughed along with her. "Yeah, I get it. Okay, I''ll be moving a lot today, but once I''m done I''ll rejoin you guys. If you see someone overtaking you from behind, do your best to keep the distance; if they''re friendly, it''ll encourage them to put on more speed, if they''re not, it''ll buy time for me to get done and get back."


    "Yes, ma''am. Safe travels."


    I nodded, then jumped back to the middle of the column. Four people at a time, I evacuated the moms and kids from my column, then Larry and Lachlan''s, then Fred and Linus'', and finally Angel and Bill''s. Despite Saffron not telling me to push, I still kinda did. I only took four at a time, but I jumped back and forth as fast as I could get groups arranged. By the time I had the last of the kids and non-combatant women in the Scrying Room, sweat dripped off me, and I sank down until my ass rested on my heels. Saffron walked over to me from where she''d been scrying, putting her arms around my head and pulling me into her belly, her breasts resting on my head.


    "Yay. Heroine gets rewarded." I didn''t have enough go left to put any enthusiasm into it, but she giggled anyway.


    "I''d say you smell absolutely edible, but I suspect if you had enough energy to enjoy anything, you''d want to get back to your troops."


    I put my arms around her and pulled her to me. "Yeah. But I''m gonna stay here for another minute while I catch my breath." I just knelt there holding her for at least that long, reveling in her scent and softness.


    When I let go she helped me back to my feet, a smile on her face. Then her eyes went serious. "Keep them moving. Calverton raiding groups hit all the farmsteads you left behind shortly after you left."


    "Dammit. I wish I could wait here and just kick the shit out of them when we spot them."


    She shook her head. "No, beloved. We must assume Oliver has told them everything he experienced about you. I have no doubt that each and every sighting we get is a trap set specifically for you."


    I laughed. "What are they gonna do?"


    She sighed and pulled me to her, pushing the side of her face into me. "That''s my worry, love. I have no idea. Which means I have no idea how to keep you safe from it."

 Day Two Hundred And Forty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    I still worry a lot about being a villain.


    I mean, look at all the red flags; my subconscious self is the Big Bad Evil Guy of most of the local pantheons, my mentor and adoptive father is like second in line for BBEG in his pantheon, not only am I good at mass homicide, I enjoy it while I''m doing it to the point I might as well get off on it, the same is true of terrifying people weaker than me, I think I might literally get off on power, and while I''m on the subject of getting off, I can''t keep my metaphoric pants on for more than a day or two. Hell, I can''t even get introspective without thinking about getting off, and some twelve year old part of me just likes repeating the phrase. Yeah, I get it that the petty deific assholes I''m fighting against are worse, but it still bothers me.


    Then I think about the warm fuzzy I got from pulling all those moms and kids out of danger yesterday, and I wish that somehow I could finish all this without killing anybody else.


    Yeah, not gonna happen, but I can dream, can''t I?


    So Marie, Saffron, and Isnomi are at Lancaster House for the duration. I guess if all else fails, Saffron can get the two of them back to Phileo. Unless I''m totally underestimating the size of the Calverton army, even if they do win, I''m pretty sure I can wreck their shit bad enough that they don''t have enough steam left to come at Phileo. At least not until after the quarantine is over and General Lancaster can bring the whole fuckin'' Alliance army back from Newark.


    I was kinda dead on my feet when I got my column to the next farmstead. It snowed all fuckin'' day long, and I got the bright idea of leading the march and blasting the snow aside with Air shields. Which didn''t really work, since the footing on an air shield can best be described as ''slippery as shit'', so after the first time I cut that out. Normally, I''d just disperse it, but the road had so much fuckin'' snow on it that if I didn''t leave it there, an inch or more of snow would build up before the troops got to the other end of it. White shit all over the place. Which, to steal Peralta''s line, is the name of my sex tape.


    What? I got the clever idea of watching my old world over Mimic''s shoulder for a bit late last night, some dude was bingeing that shit, and I needed a laugh.


    Yesterday after I hauled all the moms and kids to Lancaster House, I jumped over to Fred and Linus'' column. "Hey guys."


    I''d Translocated in behind the column, and caught Fred completely by surprise. "How''s it going? Where''s Carruthers?"


    Once Fred visibly calmed himself down and sheathed the sword he''d drawn the moment I spoke, he said, "up at the front of the column helping to break the trail."


    "Like, pushing through the snow like a human plow, or using spells?"


    Fred shrugged. "Both, I think."


    "Yeah, I''m gonna have him stop that for now."


    "Why?"


    I heaved out a sigh, because I''d realized that after my chain-Translocation I still had a marathon of work ahead of me today. "I need you to keep them moving after you hit the next farmstead."


    He opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out for a bit as he just sorta stared at me. Finally he said, mostly not whining, "why?"


    "Because I''m sure at least some of the Calverton heroes will be pushing to catch up, and the only hope of getting most of these folks back without losing a bunch of them to that is if we push harder."


    He closed his eyes while continuing to plod forward, then let out a sigh not unlike my own. "Shit."


    "Yeah. Look at the good side though."


    That got him to bark out a laugh. "There''s a good side?"


    "You get to sleep in your own borrowed bed tomorrow, and there might be waffles."


    That turned his single laugh into an ongoing chuckle. "Yeah. I have to share a bed with Linus. He snores."


    I shook my head. "Nah, the assholes formerly known as Lancaster aren''t sucking up the top floor any more. That leaves seven rooms up on the top floor, and another nine on the third floor. Just move into an empty one. You''ll probably wind up with some refugees sharing the room with you, but even that might have a good side, what with us all being on the fast track to being rich and powerful and famous, right?"


    That got a real laugh out of him. "Gods above, Diaz, is that all you think about?"


    "Oh, hell no." I waited half a beat, but before he could ask I cut him off, saying, "I think about food a lot, too." While he was laughing, I said, "I''ll go tell Carruthers. See you at Lancaster House tonight."


    Then I hopped over to Angel and Bill and told them basically the same thing, only without the turn at the farmstead. I was pretty sure they''d need to head one intersection north of Lancaster House, then cut east and then come down from the north. Either that or, if Lancaster House wound up completely surrounded by Calverton troops by then, they''d need to head West and bunker down at the first defensible farmstead. Some of the bigger farmsteads I''d seen, especially the ones to the west where the terrain got hillier, were nearly as well laid out as Lancaster House itself, even if they weren''t anywhere near as big, and didn''t have fortifications surrounding them.


    I really hoped it didn''t come to that, because Bill''s column had fewer Volunteers than the other three, and only Angel and Bill as casting Hero-types. If the core of Calverton''s army went after them instead of Lancaster House, they were fucked.


    Finally, I jumped over to Larry and Lachlan. "Hey guys."


    "Commander. How goes the Translocation Evacuation?"


    I shook my head and shot him a grim smile. "Yeah, I''m about Translocated out for the day. Just hopping myself around is leaving me a little breathless at the moment. On the flip side, all the moms and little kids are safe at Lancaster House."


    Larry closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. "Thank you, Commander. While I don''t think I mean it in quite the same sense as my father? These are my people. I''d hate to see any of them fall to Calverton, but losing any of those would cut the deepest."


    "De nada, Larry. Ready for the bad news?"


    Lachlan chimed in with, "Calverton caught up with your column and you only managed to kill half of them?"


    I shook my head. "No, and... really, guys? I''d like to keep Calverton casualties as low as possible, too." That got me two identical head-tilted looks, which struck me as hilarious. When I got done laughing, I said, "because every bit of ''not justified'' that applies to them is pretty much fuckin'' Ares'' fault."


    "You think their invasion is justified?" Larry''s question could have been belligerent. Probably would have been once upon a time. But today he just asked, assuming I had a good reason.


    "Think about it from their side. First a plague hits, and they had no idea how to fight it, so shit tons of them died. Right when they might have been getting a handle on things, a High Priest of Ares comes in from Phileo telling them that we''re at fault for the plague, which is, in the broadest of senses, not entirely wrong. Finally, eight Phileo Heroes rampage through their lands, leaving a trail of murder, rape, and vandalism." I paused. "How would you react in their place?"


    "How do you figure the plague is our fault?"


    I shook my head. "Not ours. Mine."


    His eyebrow rose. "How so?"


    "You heard what I said to Apollo?"


    He shook his head. "Rumors, but not any I''d trust completely." He smiled at his own statement, then laughed a bit as he said, "funny, most of the time I''d assume rumors about someone are exaggerated. Where you''re concerned, on the other hand, I''ve come to believe they''re both understating things and completely misunderstanding the greater context."


    "Thanks? I think?" His laughter was a little contagious. "Short version, when I kicked the shit out of his sister on the Equinox, Apollo got a bug up his ass and started flinging deific plague arrows at Phileo. Phileo itself was protected, but apparently the asshole missed a few shots. At least one each hit New Amsterdam, Lancaster House, and Calverton."


    "Apollo missed? Exactly how many arrows did he fire?" Lachlan''s tone balanced on a knife edge between disbelief and shock.


    Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.


    I just shrugged. "No idea. But apparently he was at it for like three and a half months. Somewhere near fourteen weeks, at any rate. All day, every day, because apparently his High Priest to Phileo kept telling him I was still walking around healthy."


    "How did you convince him to stop?" Lachlan seemed like he wanted me to tell him I''d abased myself, or conned Apollo into stopping, or something, but I was too tired to come up with a comforting lie.


    "I chased him down, took his bow, destroyed it, and told him if he did that shit again I''d catch him, decapitate him, and ram his head up the new asshole I tore him."


    Lachlan blinked, dumbfounded. "I can scarce believe it."


    "Eh. Apollo did, and that''s what counts."


    Larry started laughing at that. "I told you, brother. For all his vaunted wisdom and strength, I do not feel I''ve traded downward in terms of the power of my Patron."


    Lachlan just looked me up and down, as if trying to figure out where I hid all the spare asskickery. "You might be right, buddy."


    I took a deep breath. "Okay, bad news time. I need you guys to head straight back out after delivering your refugees to Lancaster House."


    Credit where it''s due, Larry didn''t even hesitate. "Where do you need us, Commander?"


    "I need you each to grab two fresh units and march east and west, clearing the roads. The columns coming from those directions will be marching through the night. Expect them to be pretty ragged by the time you reach them. But I want to get both groups behind the fortifications at Lancaster House before Calverton''s vanguard arrives."


    "Which won''t be terribly long after we get there. Understood, Commander. You can count on us."


    "Knew I could. See you some time after midnight."


    Lachlan called out, "stay safe!"


    I called back, "never am!" then Translocated to the back of my column. "Sergeant?"


    "Yes, Ma''am. Good to have you back, ma''am."


    "Thanks. Any problems when I was gone?"


    She shook her head. "Nothing other than the weather. Any chance you can do anything about that?"


    I found my own head tilting. "You think I can control the blizzard? Like some kinda weather wizard or something?"


    She smiled and shrugged. "I saw you walk out of a Dragon''s mouth. If you told me you could walk on air, I''d bet my house that you could."


    "Damn. Welp, I can''t do anything about the weather overall, but I''ll see what I can do about clearing the way. In the meanwhile? Pass the word, we''re not stopping at the next farmstead. We''re turning east and marching through to Lancaster House."


    "They''re that close behind us?"


    I nodded, and she moved to spread the word. That''s when I got my bright idea about Air Shields. Which, as noted, didn''t work, so I spent the rest of the day popping up lines of Filtration Wards set to keep out snow, which had the added benefit of stripping the accumulated snow off of our folks every time they passed through one. I''d jump ahead of the formation, throw up a dozen or so wards ahead of the column, then jump back to my trailing spot. I had absolutely zero doubt that, should Calverton spot us and somehow take us unaware, I''d survive the initial attack better than anybody else in the column.


    Mid-afternoon the snow started to let up, and I contacted Saffron. Hey, Kitten?


    Hey Goof. What did you need?


    Larry and Lachlan should be there soon. Can you sort out four units of our Dragonhide clad Veterans, two for each of them? We''re marching the two side columns through the night to beat Calverton, and I want Larry and Lachlan to clear as much of the road toward us as possible. Not to mention relieving the escorts with fresh troops.


    Will do, Goof. Love you.


    Love you too, Kitten


    We wound up passing the farmstead after the snow let up, with sunset coloring the sky to our west. I heard a lot of groaning from the column, but by the time the rear guard got to the farmstead, the farmers there had grabbed up supplies and joined the march. I had the rest of the evacuees step to the side of the road and let the fresh folks push forward, but it was clear from the overall groaning grumbles that nobody enjoyed marching through the snow at night. Honestly? I think the only reason none of them mutinied had less to do with the Veterans flanking them and more to do with the fact that all of them saw me moving up and down the south side of the column, constantly on the lookout for Calverton troops.


    About two thirds of the way to Lancaster House they showed up. A dozen guys in fancy armor, black and yellow tabards, enameled armor, or shield designs the only common thread. I stepped out into the snow to meet them halfway. "How are you gentlemen?" When they didn''t respond, I followed up with, "you are on the way to destruction!" They still didn''t look impressed. Philistines.


    Figuring that I''d at least give normality a chance, when they were just out of range I called out, "really, guys, we don''t have to do this. Just turn around and walk away like we''d already gone past. Hell, there''s an empty farmstead west of here with beds and supplies, you could still get a decent night''s sleep?" They kept coming, and when they leapt forward from a few paces away, I sighed and said, "okay, then."


    I stepped behind the rearmost of them, a dude who couldn''t ''leap'' so much as ''trundle'', what with him wearing a full set of plate armor. I didn''t get why until I hit his left ankle with a Mana Blade and it remained persistently unsevered. Somehow they''d managed to integrate something like a Mana Ward into his armor. Which sounded cool as fuck, and I kinda wanted to get the set to Saffron and Conrad so they could reverse engineer it, but for now I just dropped to my knees as his swing went over my head, then rolled behind him and shoved four skinny mana blades, one from each fingertip, through the backs of both of his knees.


    Yes, the Eastside library had books on medieval armor and how the articulation points were frequently armored with chain armor. Although I think that might have just been a really old issue of Popular Mechanics or some shit like that. The books in that library were capital O old.


    Dude managed to stay on his feet until I rammed my shoulders into the backs of his knees. Before his ass could pin me, I rolled away into the snow, twisted to my feet, and stepped to one of the dudes in nothing but a tabard. Fortunately in this case, my inflated reputation preceded me, because if I''d been a typical guy, or worse a tall one, he''d have split my head horizontally like a melon, or maybe taken it off entirely. As it was, I still got bonked in the crown as his sword skipped off my Dragonhide helmet. I took one of his hands off, then took his leg off at the knee on my backswing. Something hit my shoulder from behind, and I Translocated away as I rolled with the hit.


    I heard the Sergeant call out, "fire and brace for impact!" A few seconds later I heard something like a car crash from the direction of the column, but I still had six of them on me; they''d have to hold the other four until I finished.


    I Co-Located to two more of them; one of them went down as easily as the first two, but the other managed to get a shield in the way of one Blade and evaded the other. Again, whatever they''d done with the shield incorporated a Mana Ward somehow. I double teamed him, taking his shield arm off at the elbow and his opposite foot off at the ankle.


    I tried Co-Locating again, but after the Translocation marathon and forced march, I hit a wall. The momentary hesitation cost me one of me, as three arrows pierced my ears in the unfashionable Steve Martin way. I leapt behind the archer and discovered that his bowstring was not, in fact, Mana Warded. Nor was his bow. Nor was his neck.


    I mean, I was serious about trying not to kill too many of them, but the dude had just shot me to death. Justifiable homicide, right?


    The sounds from the column redoubled, including shouts of pain and anger from both sides. Meanwhile, the final three guys had surrounded me. All of them looked to have some kind of chainmail, and I didn''t want to bet that they''d run out of Mana Ward juice; when they came at me I shot Mana Blades out of every joint, then whirled between two of them, lopping their swords off right next to the hilt, the blades still thudding into my shoulders, but without enough force to cut through my uniform jacket. I felt more than heard some of the chain in between the fabric layers giving way, but I managed to punch each of them in a shoulder, skinny Mana Blades from my knuckles perforating them. As they screamed in pain I dropped to my knees, totally because I meant to and not because I slipped because of exhaustion or anything. While I was down there, I punched them each in the back of a knee for good measure.


    I looked up to find the third guy, only to see him leaping toward me, an overhand swing coming down to bisect me. I tried to Translocate, but didn''t have the breath to shove myself into motion. Instead I brought my arms up crossed in front of my face, hoping that the refractory jacket would take most of the impact, that I''d have at least one functional arm after his strike hit.


    I did, but mostly because right before he hit me he jerked to a stop in mid-air, turning his overhand chop into a long powerless slice across the vee of my crossed arms. Blood warmth still spread along my forearms, but I couldn''t give less of a fuck about that as I watched Lachlan, who''d grabbed the Calverton asshole by the ankle mid-leap, proceed to slam him into the ground, then whip him back and forth by the ankle, slamming him to the ground three more times before mister samurai wannabe lost his grip on his sword. By the way he lay there, he''d lost his grip on consciousness as well.


    Lachlan stepped up to me, holding a hand down. "You looked like you could use a hand."


    As he yoinked me onto my feet, I replied, "eh. Just a flesh wound. I''d have bitten his legs off."


    You think the grannies didn''t have Monty Python on VHS? Hell, it''s like a rule of nature, any VHS collection large enough will spontaneously generate Monty Python tapes or some shit like that. I tossed a big smithy-style Heat Filtration Ward over the Calverton Heroes; no healing for them, because I was too beat to do anything after reattaching two arms and a finger on our Veterans to Heal anything else.


    After that, a bunch of us in the back of the column definitely counted as ''walking wounded'', because while Lachlan could also Heal, I wanted him as fresh as possible in case any more Calverton assholes showed up. A lot of us were leaning on each other, and when the western gates of the Lancaster House fortifications closed behind us, I just dropped to my knees right there, exhausted.


    Funniest thing I''ve seen in a while? When Lachlan carried me through the door to Lancaster House, only to have Marie bound up, bristling and growling in that subsonic terror inducing way, until he stepped back out the door. After which she plucked me out of his hands, turned, and carried me over the threshold purring like a giant housecat high on catnip.


    "So. You sure you don''t want the wifey status upgrade?''


    "Yes."


    As she lay me into bed, my body still tingling from Saffron''s Heal, I struggled to sit up, only to be pushed back down onto the bed, Marie''s hand on one shoulder and Saffron''s on the other. "You need to rest, Goof."


    "Calverton. Gonna be here before nightfall at the latest."


    Saffron just nodded at me. "And all of the evacuees at risk are now inside the fortifications, and Raven, Bonnie, and I can command the defense, from within the House in my case, until you and the Lancasters are fully rested up."


    I shook my head, the stubborn that had kept me upright until we made it through the gates not letting me stay down. "Can''t sleep. Gotta... gotta get... something."


    Saffron rolled her eyes, shook her head, then looked at Marie. "Could you please see to it she does not leave this bed until tomorrow morning?" A flick of her hand, and my uniform was gone. I shivered a little bit, and most of it wasn''t from the cold, but from the look in Marie''s eyes. "Oh, make sure she falls asleep as soon as you can manage it?"


    While I was still trying to process that, Marie growled out, "Yes." to Saffron''s retreating back.


    It might have taken her ten minutes of very focused work, but she most certainly got me to relax, and at that point sleep took me down immediately.

 Day Two Hundred And Forty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    Apparently when my brain says, ''I can do this, I can take it, I can keep going!'' my body occasionally replies with ''no you absolutely can the fuck not''.


    So Mimic Dreams all day long, starting with chibi Hibachi Chef Saffron yeeting shrimp into my mouth all day, followed by looking at the stones board all night. The white stones had taken a bunch of the middle of the board, where they''d run into my black stones. I idly wondered, if the white stones surrounded my big formation of black stones in the middle, as well as the smaller group to one side, and I found a way to yeet some black stones into the middle of their formation, would it look anything like a Taoist symbol?


    Woke up surrounded by not just my family, but the horde of kidlets forming a second blanket on top of the covers. Would it be horde or hoard? I mean, yeah, ''horde'' is the term for a bunch of self-mobile things moving in a flock, but I could totally see Marie hiding them away and jealously guarding them. Marie''s horde hoard? Hordeling hoard? Yeah, that sounded about right.


    Still felt kind of creaky tired, which wasn''t surprising with how much I''d pushed myself, not to mention the adrenaline fueled one versus eight shit on ''our limbs don''t detach easily'' Hard Mode. My scars ached faintly, and I had that vaguely peckish feeling that I''d always associated with healing up after getting seriously sick. Did that way more than I liked to think about back in Camden, at least once a year. Something about schools with climate control systems that hadn''t been updated since the second world war. At any rate, unless I decided to go full on NC-17 villain and eat the kids, I couldn''t do anything about the hungry, but the tired was a different story, so I just lay there chilling with the fam and Isnomi''s friends.


    For a while I''d worried that what with her accelerated learning, she''d wind up not socializing properly. I think that might have happened to me, sorta, since an auntie had taught me how to read before kindergarten, and my mom kept me inside a lot since, y''know, Murder City wasn''t so much known for its kid-friendly atmosphere. Sometimes it had seemed like all the other kids got to go out, especially once I hit kindergarten and got to hear them going on about it. Think that might have been what originally prompted my truancy maybe. Then again, maybe my mom had caught the Bad Kid vibes off me and didn''t want a grandkid before I was ten.


    Whichever it was, I no longer worried about our little menace. I''m not even sure these kids had played with each other much prior to her introduction. I just can''t see the Dan moms letting their rug rats play with the little Bag crotch goblins, y''know? Of course Isnomi had given that bullshit exactly as much weight as it deserved, and the munchkins snoozing on the bed had every shade I''d ever seen on a person from platinum blond to flat black. That''s without going into the one little girl who had flame red hair with fucking green highlights. Colors not found in nature indeed. I know, I know, as a Latina I''m supposed to go for that weird orangey pink hair, but in the first place I wasn''t one to kowtow to stereotypes, and in the second place it really clashed with my skin tone so I''d shaved my head.


    My mom freaked out about that one, lemme tell ya. Which she hadn''t done about the weird hair color. Maybe I''d gone truant to get her attention?


    I was interrupted in my musing about my pre-Isekai life and Isnomi''s socialization by a rumbly purr coming from the far side of the bed, followed by Saffron saying, "good morning, sleepyhead."


    I glanced over to see both Saffron and Marie looking at me, smiling. "Hey you two. How long was I out?"


    Saffron shrugged. "You slept through the day with Marie mostly keeping an eye on you to make sure you didn''t do anything stupid. Some time shortly after sunset, while the rest of us were getting ready for bed, you muttered something in Japanese, I think. You quieted down when we all piled onto the bed, though."


    I looked at her, sudden mischief taking control of my brain. "Can you cook?"


    "Not especially well, but I seem to have found a career where it''s not required. Totally not planned at all, I assure you." She delivered that last line with a wicked little Grin on her face that convinced me she''d totally planned for that.


    "Would you mind learning to cook something specific and special for me?"


    She shrugged. "I''m not opposed to the idea. What did you want?"


    "Hibachi shrimp." When she looked a bit nonplussed, I looked at Marie, only to have her shrug and shake her head. "Garlic butter shrimp cooked on a griddle." Marie pondered that half a moment, then nodded her head. "Nothing urgent, or even important really. Just got reminded how much I liked it by dreaming about it yesterday."


    By this point the kids had started waking up, most of them meandering toward the bathroom when they''d gotten upright. Given that even I could smell the pumpkin spice wafting off me, I figured it was time for me to get a bath as well. Once we had our bathtime production line set up, I asked Saffron, "I''m assuming since you''re here with me that the siege hasn''t started yet?"


    Saffron shook her head. "On the contrary. The Calverton Army showed up around midday yesterday. They didn''t attack on arrival, which I suspect is because they''d pushed hard through the snow rather than taking the roads. They spread out to cover the south, east, and west roads, but they don''t have the manpower to fully encircle us and still maintain a strong enough central force to breach our defenses."


    "Speaking of manpower, what do the numbers look like?"


    She nodded as she washed yet another Romper Room Ranger. "Calverton brought around three thousand Soldiers. We have one thousand and twenty Lancaster House Volunteers plus another two hundred and seventy of our Dragonclad Veterans. There''s another two hundred and seventy Lancaster Volunteers and another thirty Dragonclad with Angel and Bill, who are presently two days west and one day north of us."


    "They didn''t move today?"


    She shook her head and propelled her latest victim to me for toweling dry. "No; after the forced march, their evacuees needed a break. My instinct tells me to have them head east and gather up the last thirty Volunteers, as well as evacuating the last two farmsteads completely, then come south to us. They''d be here in three days, and would raise our numbers to roughly half that of Calverton."


    "So why hadn''t you had them start on that then?"


    "It''s your Expedition, thus your call. Also I wasn''t certain, and wanted to make sure you didn''t see any flaws in my plan."


    "My gut says you''re right, but you know what worries me most?"


    She winced, although I''m not sure if it was thinking about the siege or the facet of the numbers she hadn''t mentioned. "The Heroes."


    "Yep. How many have you spotted behind the encirclement?"


    She thought about it while she scrubbed the tyke''s hair, then said, "No less than a hundred, no more than one hundred fifty, which seems... low. Even assuming the plague took its toll on their Heroes."


    "Yeah, but they''ve got those small bands of Heroes wandering around, like the ones that I ran into last night. Does not leave me thrilled at the idea of Angel and Bill traipsing around where they might get caught." We both went silent a bit, trying to think of a way to get our final group of troops and evacuees under cover without putting them at undue risk.


    Eventually Saffron spoke up. "There''s one other thing; I managed to scry on Gary and Rowena."


    "Really? Cool! How are they doing?"


    "It looks like the plague didn''t hit their lands nearly as hard as it did Lancaster House. They''re each marching south with another dozen or so units of Volunteers."


    I toweled the next tot dry and scooted them toward Marie for dressing. "Cool! How soon will they be here?"


    "Unfortunately, I didn''t recognize the part of the road I saw them marching on; the best I could get from the angle of the sun is that they''re marching southward."


    "That means we''ve got another six hundred troops that haven''t arrived here yet. What would that take the numbers to?"


    She paused a moment before continuing to rinse the next kid. "Roughly two Volunteers for each three of their Soldiers. It would also bring us up to ten Cadets and one Hero to face their Heroes. We''d be facing ten-to-one odds on that score."


    "Well f... fudge. Nowhere near being able to scare them into backing off. Do you think we could hold the fortifications here?"


    "As things stand right now, if only troops were involved? Probably. If we had those extra troops? Definitely. Lancaster House itself is basically a huge keep in the center of a large fortification, with room in the keep for all of our evacuees plus enough supplies to keep us for long enough that the Grand Army could arrive well before we ran out. But..."


    "But that doesn''t account for their Heroes."


    Saffron sent the last kid at me, and as I toweled them dry she said, "No it does not. Which is why I''d considered just bringing Vulcan and eliminating their army from the roof of Lancaster House."


    I winced as I finished drying the kid and sent them toward Marie. "I suspect there might be collateral damage. I was also hoping to end this with minimal bloodshed. We''ve already had enough people die from Apollo''s bad aim and the douchebags formerly known as Lancaster." I thought about it a bit, I''d almost given it up for a bad deal and told Saffron to go get Vulcan when inspiration struck. "Wait a second, did you see Ares'' High Priest?" At Saffron''s nod I asked, "what about Calverton''s Commander?"


    "Yes, although oddly enough Ares'' High Priest isn''t commanding their Army."


    I shook my head. "He wouldn''t be. Despite him telling them this is all our fault, he''s still an outsider. If he''s not in charge, that means there''s enough of a gap still that we might convince them he''s been lying to them, or at least wrong about us."


    "But how, though?"


    "I''ve got an idea, but I''m still working out the details."


    Saffron held out a hand to me. "Shall we chat about it over breakfast?"


    I stepped into the tub and let her scrub me down, then returned the favor. Marie, who''d hustled the kids down to breakfast, returned, sat down in a rocker over by the armoires and dressing area and took out her sewing. Which looked like it included my uniform from yesterday. Saffron and I might have scrubbed each other just a touch more than absolutely necessary, but I wrote it off as one of the perks of being in charge and getting the big suite with the bathtub.


    Once we''d dried off, Marie made to hand me my uniform, but I shook my head. "I think you and I need to do the High Priestess thing today, Kitten."


    She just nodded, and Marie moved to an armoire that it seemed had been dedicated to just The Dress, Glowing Midnight, and their boots. After a few minutes of dressing, mostly getting boots on, we headed to breakfast. When we arrived, Lachlan let out a whistle as Saffron and I walked to the table. I think he might have choked on his water when we kissed before parting to our respective sides. Larry just asked, "were you intending something religious today, Commander? Blessing the troops, perhaps?"


    "Not exactly." I answered, then thought of something to add to my plan. "Hey, do you have any clothes in, like, Lancaster House colors?"


    "You''re assuming Lancaster House has its own colors?" Before I could reply, he chuckled and continued. "Of course we do, and while it''s been a bit since I wore it, I do have some formal wear in those colors. Red and blue, with rose patterns."


    "Can you fight in it?"


    He tilted his head. "I''m not certain if I can, since I''m not quite certain I still fit in it. I could have it altered and include gussets, of course, but that might take a bit."


    I looked over at Marie. "Can you alter it for him before noon, love?"


    She nodded and replied with an unusually forceful, "Yes."


    Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.


    "There you go then. I''ve got a plan to end this with absolute minimum loss of life, but it''s going to be a little dicey. I think it''ll go better if we leaned less on our ''Phileo'' and more on our religions or houses."


    Lachlan spoke up. "Did you want me to wear my Lancaster House colors as well?"


    I shook my head. "Nobody wearing the Hero uniform would look suspicious. You''re technically the only full fledged Phileo Hero here, so it makes sense for you to wear that."


    At that point breakfast arrived. It wasn''t quite the endless buffet I''d gotten used to, but Lancaster or more likely Bonnie had already decided to ration things a little bit. So long as everybody still got enough I couldn''t gainsay them, and everything still hit the top notch quality I''d come to expect here at Lancaster House.


    As soon as breakfast was done, I kissed Marie, Saffron, and Isnomi, then turned to the rest and said, "if Calverton decides to attack today despite being still pretty strung out from those forced woods marches, I want Saffron to bring Vulcan and just end them. I''m trying for as few casualties on both sides as possible, but I''m not about to lie down and let them kill us. Got it?"


    At a chorus of ''yes, ma''ams'' from everyone, including a bemused Saffron and Isnomi and her gang, I stepped to Northbridge. Makeshift tents covered the square, and every chimney in town had smoke coming out. Across the bridge looked the same. I got a little confused, what with the tents everywhere, why nobody''d pitched a tent on the bridge, until I realized that the breeze over the water would be fuck no levels of cold. I walked over to Northbridge''s town square bell and rang it a bunch of times. Reacting to the bell, people crawled out of tents and opened doors. Eventually I saw the Mayor of Calverton City step out of his door, and stopped ringing the bell to walk over to him.


    "Good Morning, Mayor."


    He seethed at me, but replied, "hello, Butcher," in a relatively calm tone of voice.


    "Yeah, about that." He went tense. "In a battle? I''m totally gonna wreck the shit out of the folks on the other side. But right now? I really don''t think we''re on different sides."


    "Why in the name of the Gods would we want you on our side?"


    I sighed, trying not to shift back into a habitual Parade Rest. "Maybe a little bit because if you''re on the other side and shit goes sideways, I will be wrecking the ever loving shit out of everything you hold dear. But for the most part? Because every city from New Amsterdam to Calverton, Phileo and the Yards included, has gotten fucked over by the same two people."


    "Who would that be?"


    "Apollo and Ares."


    He frowned at me. "Apollo is a lord of disease, yes, but Ares sent his High Priest from Phileo to succor us in our time of need!"


    I shook my head and let out a little sigh. "Yeah, about that. Prior to this," I nodded at the refugees everywhere, now crowding in to hear the Mayor and I speaking. "I''m guessing the common folks didn''t mix very much with the upper crust in Calverton?"


    The Mayor shrugged, but answered. "Some of us are duty bound to work with the lower classes, and we hold that duty sacred, but we don''t generally socialize with them."


    "I''m guessing a High Priest of Ares did socialize with your ''upper classes''?"


    He nodded. "Of course."


    "And shortly after he arrived your ''upper classes'' started getting sick, didn''t they?"


    The Mayor''s reply died as he stood there, mouth half open, finally picking up what I was putting down. Eventually his ramrod straight posture faded, and he hunched a little bit, like a bear about to maul somebody. "Son of a BITCH!"


    "Husband of one, too."


    He growled. "Are you saying he did this to us deliberately?"


    I shrugged. "I''m really not sure if it was his plan or just a happy coincidence, but yeah. High Priests are just about immune to the symptoms of most diseases, it seems like, but they can still carry it and spread it. Which he totally fuckin'' did. So all that shit you caught from the plague? Completely on Apollo and Ares."


    The Mayor frowned and glared at me. "What of the eight Heroes?"


    "I''m real sorry about those evil fuckers formerly known as Lancasters. I meant what I said when I told you they''d gone rogue; we wanted them to do some scouting out to the river, just to make sure you guys weren''t coming to invade while we recovered from the plague, but they went off plan and decided to go on an atrocity fest. We''ve disavowed them completely along with executing them and desecrating their remains for good measure." I decided not to add in the part about destroying their souls. People got antsy about that. Instead I heaved a sigh and said, "look, we didn''t order them to do that, we didn''t want them to do that, and we can''t undo what they did, but I think I can undo a good part of what Apollo and Ares did for your survivors here."


    "Why should we trust you?"


    "Because either I''m a decent human being and I''m going to heal all of you, or I''m the monster Ares'' High Priest told you I am, and you''re all already dead if I want you that way."


    He tensed, then let his breath out in a defeated sigh. "What do you want us to do."


    "Do you think all your people could fit into a single open area near here?"


    He paused a moment. "I think there''s a field that would hold all of us over across the river."


    "Get everybody up and over there as quickly as you can."


    He nodded and started rousting people. I followed him around most of the morning, so I know he didn''t slack off at all, or even stop for breakfast, but it still took until noon to get everybody gathered. Midway through the morning Saffron pinged me. Goof?


    What''s up, Kitten?


    How''s your plan going?


    Better than I''d feared, worse than I''d hoped. Why?


    The Calverton Heroes have begun trickling into their camp to the south of Lancaster House, and they''ve completed the encirclement. It''s thin, but they''ve still got nearly a thousand troops to our south. Maybe enough to force a breach without the Heroes.


    Stall them if you can. And get a parley flag ready.


    Will do. Love you, Goof.


    Love you too, Kitten.


    Just after noon the Mayor turned to me where we stood in a field on the Calverton side of the river and said, "Now what?"


    "Join them, I''ll just be a minute." I stepped back to see the whole front of the crowd, pulling mana as I did. I immediately realized two problems. First, I couldn''t see all of them over the heads of others, and second, even drawing all the Mana I could hold I didn''t think my Mass Cure would stretch across the entire front, let alone the crowd.


    Wasn''t gonna let that stop me, though. I stepped to M-Space, dropped my Blend, and turned to face the long tentacle of shadow that stretched out to the inky blackness coating the mountaintops to the east of me.


    MIMIC (Size)


    I grew rapidly; in an eyeblink my foot was bigger than either of the fuckin'' villages. Much like I''d done with my Blend, I pushed my MIMIC (Size) back down, but only until I stood big enough to see the entire clearing. Once I knew I had line of sight to catch them all with Mass Cure, I pulled more Mana. It flowed into me like a torrent from the tentacle at my back, filling up my expanded form. Way before I had all that I could hold I thought I had enough to cover all of them. I pulled more, just to be sure.


    Then I pushed my Blend back up and stepped back to the Mortal Realm. Gasps and even a few screams reached up to where I towered above them, but before they could react, I Shaped. "Mass Cure." A golden cascade of healing energy rained down into the crowd, and most of the gasps and screams got replaced with coughing, silence, and then growing cheering as they some of them realized, then the word spread, that everyone among them had been Cured.


    I turned my MIMIC (Size) off and stepped over to the Mayor. "Now I need a small favor from you."


    He drew himself up. "I will not harm my people for you, or betray them in any way."


    I shook my head. "Nothing like that. I just need you to come with me and confirm to the head of your Army that I''ve Cured your people here. I''ll make a quick pass over everyone and Heal anybody who will die without it before we go, okay?"


    His spine didn''t bend, but his frown softened from offended to slightly confused. "I... can do that."


    It took half of the afternoon to Heal the worst cases, because there had to be thousands of people in that crowd, and every tenth one needed a Heal. By the time I was finished, I''d coated myself in sweat despite the cold. The Mayor had followed me around sending people back to shelter as I cleared them. He gradually grew less and less confused, but I could see confusion being replaced by the deep seated anger of someone who knows they''ve been conned, and not just out of some loose cash or jewelry.


    "You ready to go?"


    "Absolutely, Bu... What is your name, anyhow?"


    I grinned at him. "Tabitha Diaz, Commander of the PRE, Cadet at PCHA, High Priestess and Champion of Loki. Good to meet you."


    With that I took his hand and stepped to the courtyard of Lancaster House. He gasped a little, although whether it was from the cold, from the sudden shift of scenery, or from the many Volunteers surrounding us I had no idea.


    Kitten?


    Yes, Goof?


    Where you at? I got a VIP integral to my nefarious scheme.


    I''m just inside the front gate, negotiating our parley. They want all their Heroes to attend, I''m pushing for just the General and a few aides, none of them to be Ares'' High Priest.


    Okay, let them bring up to ten Heroes, definitely let them include the High Priest, that''s critical. Make sure we''re allowed to bring you, me, Lachlan, Larry, "and the Mayor of Calverton," I said aloud as I stepped us both to her side.


    She turned and gave our conditions to a runner who''d been waiting, who took off like a shot to the Calverton lines, where a small group of mismatched folks with a yellow and black theme unifying them, surrounded on both sides by a curving line of guys in yellow and black tabards. A few moments after he got there, after what looked like a heated but short discussion, twelve guys started toward us. We met about a third of the way out towards the Calverton troops, and the big guy in fancy armor at the front of their wedge announced himself. "I''m General Hargreaves, commander of what remains of Calverton''s military. I''m not certain why you want this parley. Our City is dead, the only remainder a batch of refugees dying behind us as we speak. There is nothing left for us but vengeance, and with us dying as fast as our countrymen, I''m not keen on waiting for it."


    I stepped forward, meeting his gaze. "General, I totally get where you''re coming from. I wouldn''t have done what I did at Newark if it hadn''t been out of a burning need for vengeance. I wouldn''t have done it the way I did, at any rate. So I get you. Thing is? While we sympathize with your people''s plight, and we''ll help out any way we can, we''re not the ones who set the plague loose on your City. That''s entirely on Apollo and Ares."


    A dude in full on old-school Greek armor stepped from the group. "Lies! Base slander! The God of War needs no stupid tricks or underhanded tactics to destroy your foul cesspit of a City!"


    "Yeah, about that, and about those refugees?"


    The General growled out, "we will not allow you to hold them hostage, Butcher. They are dead men walking already."


    "Yeah, about that." I turned to the Mayor of Calverton. "You want to tell him?"


    The Mayor stepped forward, putting himself on the far side of me from Ares'' High Priest, and said, "she Cured them all, Hargreaves. Cured them and Healed those who needed it. I believe she speaks truly."


    The General frowned. "Why would you send your rapists to pillage us while we lay weakened by the plague then?"


    I shook my head. "Wasn''t us. They totally went rogue, although I wouldn''t be surprised if Ares'' had found a way to subvert them. I dunno what he''d bribed them with, but anybody sick enough to do the shit they did doesn''t have the integrity to resist a bribe."


    "LIES! She lies, and yet you let her stand here lying to you yet!"


    Hargreaves cut him off with a raised hand, then looked back at me. "Why should we believe you rather than him?"


    I nodded recognition of his point. "Well, two reasons I can think of. First, as a gesture of good will, if you''ll give me a moment?"


    I stepped to the top of the hill Lancaster House was built into, switching to M-Space as I did. I dropped my Blend and fired up the same power MIMIC (Size) I''d done at Northbridge, and pulled all the power I could hold. That took a while, even with the absolute tsunami of power coming from where Mimic occluded the mountaintops. I pushed my Blend up as high as it could go, then stepped back to the Mortal Realm. Starting with the North quadrant, then the East, West, and finally South where the bulk of the Calverton troops stood, I plonked down a Cure strong enough to fix Zeus'' sex addiction on each of them. Sweating more than a little from the amount of Mana I''d spent so far today, I dropped my Mimic (Size), Co-Located next to myself, and put my Blend back to normal on one of me before stepping back to our little impromptu conference spot.


    I hadn''t realized, being tall as shit, but twilight had come; the sun''s disc three quarters of the way beyond the horizon. Coughing greeted my ears, along with growing expressions of wonder. "Okay, all of you ought to be Cured at this point. If not, or if they need Healing, send them around and we''ll take care of it. Consider it the least we can do after eight Phileo criminals escaped and went on a rampage in Calverton lands." I stopped talking to pant a little bit, because pulling and Shaping that much mana twice in pretty close succession hadn''t been easy. I think the Shaping had taken as much out of me as anything.


    "Don''t believe her!" whined Ares'' boot fellator. "She''s obviously scared to face your justified wrath! Let me cut her down, and we will crush the filthy Phileans and take Lancaster House for our own!"


    "Our. Own. Garland?" deadpanned Hargreaves.


    I interrupted their little back and forth saying, "okay."


    Both of them looked at me and simultaneously said, "what?"


    I looked at Hargreaves and said, "Look, you''re obviously on the fence. You want to believe me, to keep what remains of your people safe, and you want to think that we''d help you, but Ares'' bitch boy over there has been whispering in your ear for a while now, and now he wants to kill me personally, along with everybody else here not wearing black and yellow. You''re not sure which of us is lying. So tell me, since he''s obviously chomping at the bit to do so, would you accept Trial by Combat, with Ares'' boy toy over there championing the side of us all having a big knock down, drag out war?"


    Ares'' High Priest, apparently named Garland, which I can totally get as enough villainous backstory to want to fuck over his own City just to get to the one who named him, suddenly looked like he wanted to talk his way out, but Hargreaves, after a moment''s thoughtful consideration, said, "Calverton can accept that, I think. Mayor? Do you agree?"


    For his part the Mayor shrugged and said, "I can''t think of a stronger potential duelist than a High Priest of Ares." He turned to us, grim humor on his face. "Unless one of you is secretly a High Priest of Bellona?"


    "Nope. We''ll accept the results as well. If our champion loses, we''ll surrender, the only condition that you allow our women and children to return to Phileo."


    "More trickery!" Garland''s roar cut off mid-word as his voice cracked a little. "Unconditional surrender!"


    The General looked at me, eyebrow raised, waiting for my counter-proposal. He apparently hadn''t really grokked me. "Okay. Done." I looked back and forth to take in the assembled Heroes and Cadets. "If you could all form a ring and put up some Wards to prevent collateral damage?"


    As they pulled apart into a wide circle, leaving Garland and I facing each other from maybe ten feet apart, he spluttered and swore under his breath at me. Something about raping my corpse with my slut sow''s torn off limbs, I think. I''d stopped listening to him the moment General Hargreaves accepted my compromise. Once the thirteen mixed Heroes and Cadets had a circle of Wards up as I''d suggested, I put one big Ward overtop the entire area to prevent any stray projectiles from going overhead and landing in the troops.


    General Hargreaves called out, "are the Champions ready to fight?"


    Garland called out, "I am ready!"


    I hollered, "Just a moment!" I turned to face Hargreaves and said, "I didn''t say I would champion the side of Truth. Not sure it''s appropriate anyway, me being the Champion of Loki and all that. Not fair in the slightest, and shenanigans might happen."


    Garland spluttered while the General nodded and said, "Then who will be your champion?"


    I turned my back to Garland, looked Larry right in the eye and called out, "it''s your House on the line." Then, putting on my best Damsel in Distress voice, "will you be my Champion?"


    A predatory grin stretched across his face. "Gladly."


    I stepped to his side as my Co-Located, Blended self, who''d stood with a hand on his arm since I returned from the hilltop, stepped him to where I''d just been standing. I dropped my Blend just enough that he could hear me. "End. Him."

 Day Two Hundred And Forty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    I know I joked about the name of my sex tape being ''white shit all over the place'', but honestly? I''m pretty sure a more accurate title might be ''unintended consequences''.


    I mean, seriously, look at the number of downright wacky hijinks that have come about from completely innocent... yeah, I can''t even say that with a straight face. Y''know, ''completely innocent'' and any goddamned thing I''ve done, ever. But still, let''s tally up the list, shall we? Working backwards, I try to be a decent human being to Larry, maybe trying to unfuck his family a little, and he swears undying fealty to me. I lose my shit all over Newark, which is the new name for my... no, I''m not even going there. Anyway, yadda yadda Newark, then Cure most of Phileo because nobody else was doing that shit, and I wind up Commander of an Expedition to Lancaster House. I decide to model for The Smith, and he winds up begging me to adopt him. I finally decide to tell Saffron the truth, and suddenly I''m Married with Children. I save my Godchild from some bitch trying to sacrifice her, and now she''s a Primordial Terror. Okay, that one applies to lots of kids, so maybe that''s not on me. I decide I want Mondays off, which is how said kid winds up being sacrificed. Hell, not to put too fine a point on it, I decide to cut school and wind up Isekai''d to a world where the gods have fucked around, and apparently it''s my job to make them find out.


    I mean, that last one I''ve mostly come to terms with. I am, after all, a kid from the fuck-around-and-find-outiest suburb of the fuck-around-and-find-out town.


    And now I''m pretty sure the sword I gave Larry isn''t destroying souls. I think it might be eating them and feeding them to him. I mean, it does kinda look ''made of Mimic-stuff'', after all, and Mimic be the eater of Gods and all that good shit. Which would explain how I gave my man Stormbringer''s dark saber cousin.


    Yes, I''ve read Moorcock. Biggest disappointment of my life, even, no, especially after I realized it was ''Moor'' and not ''more''.


    So right before sunset I''d managed to guide and goad Ares'' High Priest Garland into accepting a Trial By Combat, to the death, to decide whether the remains of Calverton would accept that the shit that got dropped on them came from Apollo and Ares, or if they''d buy Ares'' bullshit that somehow Phileo orchestrated it.


    General Hargreaves called out, "are you both ready?"


    Garland opened his mouth to speak, only to have his words distorted by the weird crackling silence as Slayer extended from its hilt. Sliding into a high guard stance, Larry called out, "ready" in a tone that indicated he''d been ready since the start of time, and would be ready any time Garland got his cowardly ass in gear. After a couple moments, Garland called out, "I am ready, General!"


    Hargreaves started the duel by simply saying, "begin."


    Garland circled to his right, pulling his big round shield up in front of him, holding his spear low, ready to strike upward. Larry tracked him, rotating slowly, otherwise barely moving. If this was the way the shit would go down, Garland was gonna exhaust himself before Larry even took a swing. Where Larry had a jacket sort of like the Academy jackets, only in Lancaster House colors, his Dragonhide greaves, and his Dragon scale shield on his back? Garland had an archaic looking suit of full plate armor with one of those T-visored Spartan helms, plus a big assed metal shield, a spear, and a backup sword on his belt.


    Of course, it didn''t seem to be slowing him down much, so maybe he had the Endurance to go the distance in it? Just about when I thought that, he lunged forward, moving like a striking snake.


    I didn''t even see Larry move, and I''d been waiting and watching for it. Instead I got a blurred image of him stepping to the side, slashing down at Garland''s shield, which apparently had the same kind of Mana Ward whammy on it that the other Calverton Heroes had, although Larry''s sword left a line of melted, blackened metal where he''d slashed it. Larry''s backhand stroke took the head off Garland''s spear.


    Not a Mana Ward. That''s Cold Iron, love.


    Useful info from my Kitten there. So, cuttable with Mana Blades, but very much not in the same category of ''like butter'' that every other goddamned thing I''d sliced with a Mana Blade was.


    The moment Larry returned to his guard stance, Garland threw the remains of his spear at him. Not like a spear, though; he flung it around knee height, spinning end over end, the mother of all tripping hazards. My man Larry straight up tanked that shit; it bounced off his greaves, doing as much apparent damage as our crossbow bolts did to the Dragon we''d made them from. For those of you keeping score, that''s not too fucking much at all. Garland reached for his sword, and Larry blurred into action.


    I couldn''t track his movement anything like well, but every strike of Slayer against Garland''s armor threw up sparks. Larry danced around Ares'' High Priest with a speed and grace Garland couldn''t match, and sparks flew first from Garlands upper shield arm, then the elbow below that, then the side of his neck, then his left thigh, right calf, left calf, then right thigh. Right about then Garland finally got his sword out, and somehow he managed to get it in the way of Larry''s strike to his sword arm. Sparks flew, and Garland''s sword looked a little worse for wear, but in no way wrecked, and he moved at Larry, stabbing with the point of his sword while hiding most of himself behind his shield.


    "Give it up, Lancaster. Kneel and beg for Ares'' forgiveness, and I''ll make it quick."


    Apparently Larry had decided to leave the verbal sparring for me and stick to the actual, y''know, fighting, because he ignored Garland and went back to rotating around him, sword up in a high guard, ready to swing at a moment''s notice. I knew I couldn''t do what my instincts screamed at me to do and jump in to double team the asshole, but I figured shouting from the sidelines wasn''t foul play. "Sorry, Garland, Larry''s taken a vow not to speak to walking piles of shit."


    Everybody watching looked at me like they''d caught me wearing my fox paws, but I just shrugged and kept watching. Garland, not amused by my banter, looked at Larry and said, "so be it." He advanced, doing a kind of lunge with his sword, then bash with his shield while he pulled his sword back for another lunge. Larry just sidestepped the lunges, meeting the shield bashes with a horizontal slice from Slayer. After the third lunge, a horizontal line on the front of the shield glowed a dull red where Slayer had hit it. After the sixth, with the two of them now circling around the ring, Slayer had heated that line up to cherry red, and smoke leaked from behind it. By the ninth pass, the line glowed white hot, and the smoke poured out. Garland took a half step back and waved his shield around as if trying to extinguish the flames licking along his arm. When he did that, the upper half of the shield folded down, then the entire thing tore free of Garland''s arm with a crackling, ripping sound. Once it hit the ground, the leather straps that had held it to his arm burst fully into flames.


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    Meanwhile, Larry had gone ham on Garland''s left arm, hammering it with swing after swing. Unfortunately, it seemed Garland had caught on to what had happened to his shield, and he shifted his arm after each stroke, taking it on another part of his vambrace. After the fifth hit, soot coated the whole thing, but nothing glowed. Garland lunged, and somehow managed to clip Larry''s side, tearing a huge rent in his jacket, flinging rings of the chainmail embedded in it out onto the dirt. Larry leapt away, but even at a distance the red stain dripping from his side looked bad. At that point I realized his hair, which had been its normal blonde self at the start of the fight, lay plastered against his head by sweat. As Garland pursued him, jabbing away with his sword, Larry fell back, knocking the sword away with his Blade, conserving his energy.


    At that point I remembered my own interaction with Cold Iron, down at the bottom of the Kraken enclosure. Much like Larry had done with Garland''s shield, I''d managed to cut through it, but in order to do that I''d had to pour Mana into it like crazy, and while Larry wasn''t a slouch in the Mana department, he didn''t have a Primordial Deity feeding him extra juice. Hell, even if I could do so, I knew personally how much channeling and shaping that Mana to do what you wanted tired you out. Larry still had an edge in speed, and Garland hadn''t managed to land another shot yet, but I''d really underestimated how hard the bastard could hit. I''d seen plenty of shit tear through to the chainmail in our jackets, but I''d never seen it punctured, let alone ripped apart like Sonic on a bad day. Larry''s sweat and blood flowed freely, and with every step he left a dark footprint in the soil beneath his left foot.


    They''d circled back to their starting points, and Garland took a few steps back, spreading his arms as he did so. Larry just stood there panting as Garland said, "give it up, boy. Your weapon can''t get through my armor, and mine goes through yours without pause. I acknowledge your skill and valor, but there''s no need for this to end in a brutal death for you. Kneel before me, and I will end you quickly. Continue, and you will only find pain." The smarmy grin that showed through his T slit visor made his face more punchable than Larry''s ever had been.


    Larry took one deep breath, let it out with a little cough, then ran his arm across his mouth. His blue jacket came away dark with blood. I tensed up, ready to fucking end the entire Calverton Army if I had to in order to keep Larry alive. While I fought with myself, he took another deep breath and called out, "are you done? My wife has accounting books she needs me to look over."


    While Garland hadn''t reacted to my bullshit, what with me being in the peanut gallery and all, apparently getting dunked on like that by the guy standing in front of him bleeding internally flipped some kind of berserker switch. He ran at Larry, left hand out almost like a football player, his right pulled back to his waist, ready to plunge his dagger forward into Larry''s guts. Back on the streets in Camden I''d seen that as both a literal and figuratively shitty way to die, but at this point I told myself that I had to trust Larry knew what he was doing. Even if what he was doing was standing there in nearly the same guard he''d started in, only with his arms sagging a little. The seven o''clock Garland Express drove forward, lunging with his short sword. It struck home into Larry''s belly, and he did nothing but set his feet so he stayed upright as the sword''s hilt rammed into his belly, sliding him backward.


    Then he stepped to the side, and the hilt slipped out of Garland''s limp fingers.


    What the fuck?


    Saffron hadn''t been watching Garland. She''d been watching Larry, and she hit me with her view of the last few seconds. When Garland lunged, Larry shifted his feet and his Blade. He didn''t bother putting any power into his... I couldn''t even call it a lunge. He just pushed Slayer''s tip forward.


    Right into the left eye slit of Garland''s helm. As a noiseless shriek echoed through the part of me that used Mana, Larry twisted his hips and stepped sideways, pivoting Slayer through Garland''s skull. Then he reversed his grip, spun around, and leaned his weight onto Slayer''s hilt, shoving until Garland''s nose guard tore away with the screaming of metal, at which point Slayer straight up separated the top of Garland''s skull from the eyes up from the rest of his body.


    Larry pulled his Blade back out of Garland''s helmet and, ever a creature of habit, flicked his wrist like anything in the world would stick to Slayer''s blade. Then he retracted the blade, hung it from his hip, and half turned, half staggered to face me.


    "I don''t mean to be a bother, Commander, but I seem to be too short of Mana to Shape a Heal Injury?"


    I stepped to his side, Shaping as I did. "Didn''t want to steal your thunder, big guy." I dropped the Heal on him, and after one last cough he straightened up.


    "Thank you, Commander." Then he nodded toward General Hargreaves.


    I turned to the General and asked, "so, convinced that we really didn''t pull that shit and just want to help you recover yet?"


    He replied with a drawled, "he hasn''t fallen yet..."


    Out of the corner of my eye I watched Larry roll his eyes, shake his head, then step forward and shove Garland''s corpse. It took more of a shove than I''d thought it would, but apparently his armor had managed to lock itself together to keep him standing, and between the armor and Garland''s fat ass, Larry had to brace his feet and shove to get him to topple. When he did, he hit with a resounding thump and clang, at which point I looked back up at the General. "Satisfied?"


    The general let out a deep, relieved sigh and said, "Yes." He turned to his fellow Heroes. "Stand down. Get the troops back to their encampments. Send out runners to bring back our patrols." He turned back to us. "If you don''t mind, Heir Lancaster, I think we''ll be needing to have some long discussions, and my old bones would much rather do that indoors?"


    Larry looked to me. I just shrugged, because I could work with whatever he decided, and after all, it''s his fucking house. "I can only accommodate nine of your heroes in rooms fitting of their status, but certainly."


    Hey Kitten?


    Yes, Goof?


    Think that''s your cue, Imperator.


    With that, she stepped forward and, as the group of us walked back toward Lancaster House, started a discussion between herself, Larry, and the General, discussing the nature of the Alliance and how Calverton might fit into the new paradigm. It all went over my head pretty much immediately, and part of me was tempted to fall back with the Calverton Heroes like Lachlan had done. Seriously, he just fell in with them and started shooting the shit, like they were just bros walking home after a day shooting hoops or something. Maybe it was the obvious ''all guys'' thing, maybe I wasn''t in the mood for testosterone laden banter, maybe I was tired from throwing around a fuckton of Mana earlier.


    Or maybe I just wanted to stick at Saffron''s side. Quietly supporting her politicking the only way I really knew how.


    Woof.

 Day Two Hundred And Forty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, yet another thing that makes me feel like a villain? How the thing I like least about being the Imperator''s attack dog is how boring the fuckin'' meetings are.


    Yeah, ''bored at meetings'' isn''t really villainous, but ''would rather be turning people into so much meat'' kinda is, and after all, that''s what an attack dog is for at the end of the day, right? Reminding people that the violent option is never far from the table, if it''s even ever off of it?


    So anyway the wind picked up as we went inside. I''m talking ''blow you sideways, hard to walk into it'' levels of wind, too. The good part, if such a thing exists, is that coming from the west like it did, once we got within a hundred feet or so of Lancaster House the house itself and the hill it was built into blocked most of it. The bad part? That would be my brain reminding me that all the civilians the guy walking next to us was supposed to protect and serve and whatnot? They were mostly in pup tents, if they had any kind of shelter at all. Professional soldiers with decent supplies wouldn''t have a problem. Little kids? Not so much.


    I stepped from my position walking in the midst of General Hargreaves'' Heroes to standing in front of the General, the Mayor of Calverton, my Kitten the Imperator, and Larry, who''d all begun discussing how they wanted to handle the peace talks or humanitarian aid negotiations or whatever. "Guys, I hate to be the one to rain on our happy parade, but we''ve got a fuckin'' problem."


    That did not go across nearly as well as I''d hoped. The Calverton Heroes and their General all tensed, hands dropping to rest on sword hilts. "What problem would that be, Commander?" Thank God for Larry covering for me.


    "With this wind the wind chill has to be way below freezing, and there are women and kids and other people who aren''t freezer safe in Northbridge without any real cover from the elements." I didn''t get the response I''d hoped. Instead of a ''what are we waiting for, let''s go'', all the Calverton folks either slumped with a kind of exhausted resignation or got even more tense.


    My Kitten, doll that she is, just nodded and said, "Heir Lancaster, could you see the Heroes to rooms inside Lancaster House and see that they''ve any creature comforts we can provide?"


    "Of course, Imperator. Gentlemen?" Larry had half of the Heroes following him before the General even spoke up.


    He sounded half suspicious, half confused when he asked, "what do you intend for the remaining... four of us to do?"


    Saffron looked up at him, and through some kind of bizarre social alchemy, made him look like the worried one as he faced someone the size of one of his legs. Maybe. If she wore a puffy coat. "Am I correct in assuming that all the civilians there will recognize you and your authority as well as they do the Mayor?"


    The General nodded slowly. "Yes?"


    "Excellent." She paused, then called out, "Heir Lancaster?"


    A few moments later he stood next to her again. "Yes, Imperator?"


    "Would you be so kind as to carry the General''s armor in to the rooms where he''ll be quartered?"


    The General did not like that one bit. "What exactly will I be wearing then?"


    Saffron disappeared, then reappeared a second later with my big fuzzy coat in her arms. "I cannot Translocate you to Northbridge while you''re wearing Cold Iron. Now, please hurry, even now your citizens are freezing to death."


    Give him credit for that last mattering to him, at least. He had like two thirds of his armor off and the coat, which was ridiculously small on him but covered most of his torso, on in under a minute. "Gentlemen, please carry those inside. No need for Heir Lancaster to be my pack mule." Then he turned to Saffron. "Imperator?"


    With a smile, a glance at me, and a nod toward the Mayor, she said, "Commander, could you take the Mayor?"


    Moments later we stood in Northbridge''s square. I stepped over to the emergency bell and started ringing that sucker for all it was worth. Within a couple minutes, the square was packed; some of it with people who had pitched their little tents and lean-tos right in the square itself, but most of them from the surrounding streets and buildings. A few of them looked pissed to be in the cold. All of them looked too exhausted to do anything about it.


    The Mayor stepped up onto a little raised dais next to the bell, barely big enough for one guy to stand on, that put him head and shoulders above the crowd. "Good people of Calverton! I bring good tidings! The war is over! All that befell us came at the hands of High Priest Garland and some criminals he recruited from Lancaster Lands to incite us to attack Phileo, but his plot has been exposed."


    Most of the crowd tried tor a cheer, but I could tell they really weren''t caring too much about wars right now. One of them even called out, "be nicer if he was responsible for the weather and it''d warm up a little!"


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    The Mayor chuckled at that and replied with, "I know not all of you have a place inside, and I know not all of those outside will live through the night. But our friends at Lancaster House have agreed to move those of you in danger to shelter!"


    I winced, but before I could do anything Saffron stepped onto the little roof above the bell, and her voice filled the square with that neat effect she could get from the Message spell. I mean, I knew how to do it, maybe, but usually I just yelled. "We will transport as many as we can, but there are only two of us capable of doing so, and we can only take four people per trip, so please, allow your General and Mayor to organize you into groups of four, and please allow those most at risk, such as small children and the elderly, to be moved first!"


    She stepped back down as the crowd did what crowds do and started muttering and talking over themselves, until General Hargreaves barked out, "I need eight children up here, now!"


    It took a minute of shuffling, and all the kids were really tweenagers rather than really little kids, but I hoped that the really little kids were all inside buildings. Vain hope, I know, but still. The moment we had all eight, Saffron and I each had four join hands, and we stepped them both to Lancaster House. For a second I couldn''t see her and damn near panicked.


    I''m in the entryway, Goof. We can''t afford a Translocation problem like the one that happened with Isnomi and her wolf friend.


    How many are we bringing?


    As many as we can.


    And so we did. Four people at a time, starting with bigger kids. Before long women with really little kids were waiting for us when we stepped back, and we popped them over to Lancaster House as fast as we could. Some time around dawn we both neared our limits. I met Saffron''s gaze, and she stepped over to me.


    Stabilize, if you would, love?


    I nodded, sweat dripping as I did, and tagged her with whatever I had left. She lost some of the baggage under her eyes immediately. She went to her knees right there in front of me, and I have no idea what or how she did it, but my whole goddamned body tingled, blasting my exhaustion away. "Holy shit, Kitten. What the hell was that?"


    She held a hand up and I pulled her to her feet. Her arms went around me, and she whispered, "the power of faith, my love."


    A moment later we stood in the Northbridge square again. We''d gotten all the kids out with that last trip, but we still had a lot of older folks to move, and now that I had my wind back, I hoped that maybe we could get everybody under a roof before we stopped. Before we took our next group, Saffron stepped over to where the Mayor stood; The General had been moving around directing traffic all night. "Lancaster House is near capacity, but there are farmsteads standing empty after the plague, and many others with room to take in some of your people. Could you begin putting one able-bodied person in each group? We can help them get fires lit on hearths, but they''ll need to maintain them."


    He just nodded; I''d noticed his voice starting to go as dawn approached, I guess he was saving it for later. We took one last trip full of teenagers to Lancaster House, and on the next trip each of us took three old folks and one younger person. We went to two of the empty farmsteads where Fred and Linus had managed to clear out and bury all the bodies. By the time we got the second batch there, they had wood on the hearth. It looked like a couple broken chairs, but wood''s wood. I started to do my slowed-down Fire Bolt thing, only to be interrupted.


    Allow me.


    In less time than it took to blink, the wood went from a pile of defunct furniture to a cheery hearth fire. Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    And so Saffron and I kept going, four after four after four. One by one we filled up the empty farmsteads, Loki lighting the hearth fire in each and every one. I''d kinda forgot I was wearing The Dress, honestly, but I think I heard a couple muttered ''praise Loki''s as some of the hearth fires lit. I guess somebody''d asked Saffron about the dresses. Or maybe the Mayor?


    Thing about Shaping Mana; along with being physically exhausting if I do enough of it long enough? It''s also mentally taxing; I kind of lose sight of anything else that might be going on around me. Not sure if it''s like that for Saffron or not. At a guess, not? Because where I''m just too stupid and stubborn to stop and fall over dead the way I should, she''s actually got the self-control and poise to remain vaguely mentally sharp after enough Shaping that I lost track of how many times we stopped to refuel. After that first time, we hopped to our room to do it. Folks might wind up getting suspicious if the High Priestess of Mimic was, y''know, worshipping her wife.


    Totally her idea, and if we spent a few moments once every couple recharges just standing there holding one another, anybody with a complaint can get fucked.


    I''d like to keep that level of fuckoff up, but... I can''t. Right around dawn of the second night we hopped back to Northbridge to find the Mayor and General standing there alone.


    "Is that everyone?" asked Saffron.


    The Mayor bowed his head, too exhausted to speak. I realized that wasn''t the only reason when the General quietly said, "everyone we got to in time."


    "Fuck."


    "Yeah." The General didn''t sound accusatory or anything. Just tired.


    Saffron took my hand, I grabbed the Mayor''s unresisting hand, and Saffron laid her hand on the General''s forearm. A moment later we stood in the fourth floor lounge of Lancaster House. People, mostly kids, lay curled up on the sofas, on the chairs, on most of the available floorspace. I smiled when I saw Marie and the menace right in the middle of the biggest batch of them. Tiptoeing carefully to make sure I didn''t wake or step on any of the kids, I lay a hand on Marie''s arm. Her eyes slid open, and I whispered, "which rooms will the General and the Mayor be staying in?"


    Wordlessly she slid one arm free of the kids around her, lifted it straight up, and twisted her hand to point with two fingers, one at the door of each of the two innermost side suites. When I turned to them, they''d both started making their way to their rooms. I stepped back to Saffron, then stepped us both back to our suite here. Even there we had a bunch of moms with Isnomi-aged kids in our living room, but they''d left the bed for us.


    Okay, there were a few kids that looked maybe elementary school aged snuggled under our blankets, but other than some squeaked complaints about how cold we were they didn''t seem to mind when Saffron and I joined them and kinda passed right out.

 Day Two Hundred And Forty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    I never really got the old saying, ''the reward for a job well done is another job'', especially the kind of resigned tone most of the old heads said it in. I''m beginning to get it now. I think I really am.


    Wait, does that mean I''m becoming an old-head? I''m not old enough for that! I respectfully decline to acquiesce to that request. Means ''no''. Possibly ''fuck no'', with a side of ''get the fuck out of here''.


    After working through the night, through the day, and then most of the way through the night again, Saffron and I wound up sleeping until this morning. I think she woke up to take a piss at one point, but I''m not really sure. I know I woke up, saw her there, shifted around, and went back to sleep once. Did the same thing again, only to see that Marie and a whole herd of kids had invaded our bedroom, with Isnomi, Liam, a couple kids I remembered from earlier bath days, and a bunch of kids who had that ''had a bath for the first time in their lives pink skin'' look to them. Marie lay against the door, a bunch of cushions from the living room couches under her, an absolute mountain of kids and blankets over and around her. One of the armoires from the dressing room stood in front of the dressing room door, blocking it. A small line of chamber pots, thankfully covered, sat in a row next to the door.


    I stared at all that for a little bit, then when Saffron rolled over and reached for me, I made an executive decision that amounted to ''fuck it, I''ll deal with it in the morning'', laid back down, snuggled up to Saffron, and went back to sleep.


    Through all of it, Mimic dreamt of a stones board with nothing but black stones and empty intersections. Except white stones kept showing up not on the intersections, but in the middle of the squares between them. After a while she apparently decided ''fuck it'', rolled over, and contemplated the cosmos. Really neat thing? The Milky Way is totally visible from that perspective. Sets off something unpleasant in Mimic, like she feels some kind of way about it, but no idea what. Nothing concrete, nothing even as much as a complete emotion, just a disturbance in the Mimic. Like billions of people crying out and... no, not that. Like one person, crying for trillions of moments of silence.


    Mimic Dreams or not, still fucked up because dreams don''t make sense. Or I''m too stupid to make sense of them.


    Finally woke up this morning with that kind of ''slept too long'' feeling, while also completely ready to whine that I wanted more rack time. I also wanted some alone time with Saffron and Marie, and more family time with the four of us, but ain''t none of that gonna happen any time soon, because we''ve still got work to do getting all the refugees sorted.


    I mean right now? Everybody was inside and warm. Now if we could make sure everybody had enough to eat until spring, we''d be in half decent shape.


    At any rate, I woke up before anybody else in the room was admitting to being awake, so I just lay there watching Saffron. At one point I glanced over at the menace, only to see her watching me with one eye open. I smiled at her, she smiled back, and her eye slid back closed. I went back to watching Saffron.


    Eventually my patience was rewarded. I got to watch Saffron''s eternally adorable boot up sequence. Her eyelids fluttered, not so much opening as flexing like tiny little athletes getting ready to hit the gym. Then her mouth opened and her nose scrunched up, a weird cute reverse staccato yawn where she sniffed and tasted the world. Finally, satisfied at whatever she''d smelled or tasted, her eyes slid open, looking straight at me. "Good Morning, Kitten."


    Her lips curled into the smile that I''d come to realize was mine and mine alone. She smiled sometimes for Isnomi, or Marie, but... for me? The only times she hadn''t smiled at me was when we were fighting, and that''s happened what, once? Twice, if you count the time she belted me using my own Cold Iron coin as brass knuckles. Not sure if I do, given that her next action was to claim me as her Patron, and actions two and three were marrying me and some very thorough, if quiet, consummation of same.


    Today we wouldn''t be doing that. Not until we got home to Phileo anyhow. Weird, I''m absolutely an utterly insatiable horndog, but somehow that part of me had come to realize that even if life came between us and conjugal bliss, the moment the pair of us had enough energy and a private spot? Antics of an adult nature would ensue. Usually with passion directly proportional to the time we''d spent unable to engage in said antics. Given that our base level of passion was pretty magma-esque, that meant those days when we''d been working ourselves to the bone for days on end got kinda ''see how many busybody prudes we can make stroke out like they deserve'', sometimes ranging into ''we will never speak of this event again, no matter how many times we repeat it, both in fond memories and future private moments''.


    Feeling and hearing the kids starting to stir, I reached up and stroked her hair back from her face and asked, "do you want to have more kids?"


    Her smile stretched wider. "Right now, or...?"


    I think my own smile must have matched hers, "nah. I''m being all mature and planning for the future and shit."


    "Then my answer is yes, absolutely."


    "Like, you want to adopt, or find a dude we both like, or...?"


    She pulled me in for a kiss, and afterward left her forehead touching mine as the sounds of kids starting to stumble around, some of them thankfully stumbling to the chamber pots. "I would absolutely be willing to adopt, and I''m not entirely against the idea of finding a fourth for our little family, but whether we do or not? I want us to have a child. I want you to put a child in my womb, Tabitha Diaz."


    Any form of coherence in my brain fled at that blunt mackerel of truth smacking me in the face. "So. Uh. Shapeshifting shenanigans?"


    "Indeed."


    "Kinky." Where do you think my brain was gonna go?


    Of course my delightfully brilliant Kitten slipped out one of her legion of Grins and said, "do you want it to be?"


    Really, do I even need to tell you my answer to that? "Yeah." Followed by my best Rocket Raccoon impression. "Oh... yeah!"


    The Grin of Universal Undergarment Undoing slid onto her lips, and I swear to God I had to bite my lip lest virgin ears hear something they ought not, because I had an excruciatingly, intimately, climactic reaction when she brought out the singsong to say, "So then it will be kinky."


    When I could speak again, I pulled her into a kiss, then slid my mouth next to her ear and said, "you Pavloved me, you Magnificent Bitch."


    She pulled back far enough to look me in the eye. "Is that a complaint I hear?"


    I kinda whimpered my response. "No?" But... kids?


    Yes, we''ve just agreed, we''re going to make one at some point in the future. Maybe more than one. Maybe more than one at a time.


    I meant the ones in the room here!


    She leaned in to breathe into my ear, "the ones seeing only two married women talking as we lay quietly in bed, doing absolutely nothing but talking and kissing as happily married couples are wont to do? No doubt thinking that we are particularly boring adults, talking about particularly boring adult things?"


    I blinked at her, sudden realization overwhelming me as I said, "you did this on purpose, just for times like this, didn''t you, you... adorkable little sadist. Didn''t you?"


    Sing song, "so now you comprehend it."


    When my eyes uncrossed I said, "that is utterly unfair."


    "Does that really bother you?"


    I rolled my eyes and shrugged, noticing Marie moving the armoire away from the door and herding kids, Isnomi leading the way, into the bathroom. She hadn''t really motioned for us to come in, and at a guess she''d handled things yesterday on her own, so I said, "I mean, it''s not really fair to you, is it?"


    Saffron leaned close to me and quietly, seriously, said, "I''m the one deciding to do it. So if anyone''s being unfair to me, it''s me, and I don''t particularly find it unfair. One sided, but sometimes things are. Sometimes they will be. I enjoy doing that to you. I enjoy having the power to instantly reward you for being a woman I would worship even were you not a Goddess."


    I worked my mouth silently while my brain tried to catch up with that. "I don''t deserve that."


    "Do you trust me?"


    I answered that without any hesitation. "Absolutely."


    "Do you trust my judgement?"


    Again, I responded instantly. "Entirely."


    "Then you will trust my judgement on when you deserve rewards. Which, frankly, is far more often than either of us has time to spend on giving them to you."


    I just lay there, mouth open, trying to come to terms with it. I mean, part of me coming to terms with, y''know, being Pavloved. Shit, she told me she was doing it, and it still wound up, y''know, working. She''d showed me the trap, told me what would happen when I walked into it, and I laughed and walked into it.


    I trusted her, and she''d used that trust to...


    To program an instant-orgasm button into my brain that only she could press?


    "Shit. You told me you were doing this."


    She smirked and nodded. "I did."


    "I told you it was fine by me, didn''t I?''


    The smirk wasn''t a smirk, it was an undercover Grin. "You did."


    "You tricked me into Consenting by telling me what you were doing and getting me to sign off on it."


    The Grin fled. "Do you really think I tricked you? Say the word and I stop. For a moment, for an hour, for a day, forever, you say the word and I stop for as long as you want me to stop."


    "Really?"


    She nodded, not even a hint of humor in her expression. "Truly, my love. I didn''t prevaricate in the slightest. I did this because of the many, many, many occasions when I wished I could reward you in some immediate, tangible fashion, but life did not permit me the time nor the privacy to do so. Not to mention wanting a way to break you out of your black moods when you spiral into them. I intended no harm to you, my love."


    I just sat there, kinda lost. On the one hand, I''d absolutely given her permission. On the other hand, she''d rewired my brain to include a keyboard shortcut to my brain''s pleasure centers.


    A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    On the gripping hand, I had no idea why I was getting worked up about this. "I must be the most contrary bitch on the planet. I have no idea how you put up with me." No words, she just hummed that little tune. Didn''t quite pack the same punch, but it definitely threw some of those anticipatory Happy Brain Chemicals my way. "Shit. It works. Holy shit, you Pavloved an antidepressant button into my brain."


    She pulled me down, pushing the side of my face into her breasts. "I am serious, love. Say the word, and I stop."


    "Part of me wants to tell you not to do it when it''s not appropriate." I let that statement lie there.


    She picked up the hint and asked, "and what does the rest of you want?"


    "For you to mash that button until I die of bliss overdose."


    She hummed a frowny little hum. "Do you really want to die?"


    I thought about it. I''d felt that way once or twice. But right now? "No. No, I really don''t. I want to live forever with you in our little house on the shore."


    "Even if I never stop pressing that button, just to watch your eyes cross?"


    I chuckled a little, carefully rolled over top her and out of bed, then lifted her into a princess carry. "That''s not a bug. That''s definitely a feature."


    She Grinned up at me. "Are you telling me that...?"


    "Oh, absolutely. Not my fault if I drop you though."


    She laughed out loud, then said, "I trust you with all that I am, my Goddess. And I am glad that what I have done, as regards our future eternity?" She raised an eyebrow, and I nodded. "That makes it even better."


    "Holy shit, Kitten. I''m not sure whether I want to get used to that or want never to get used to it. But shit, depressive death spiral averted by mashing the endorphin button." I kissed her as I pushed us through the door. "I love you, Saffron."


    "And I you, Tabitha."


    That got a round of groans from the assorted kidlets in the room, along with a host of variations on ''eww, kissing''. I stepped to the tub, Marie stepping away to her ''combing and dressing dried kids'' spot. "Did you want to swap today?"


    Saffron shook her head. "You do have more upper body strength than me, which is key to toweling, and I''m more buoyant than you."


    I laughed and set her into the tub, then wandered back to my ''towel dry'' station, where Marie had stacked an absolute mountain of towels. "It''s a tub, not a swimming pool."


    She got to scrubbing the next kid in line. "Yes, but I displace more volume of water per unit of mass, so it requires less water to keep the tub at an adequate level."


    "Somebody''s been sneaking peeks at physics textbooks."


    "Duh."


    We bantered back and forth while running our little horde of little kids through the whole morning cleaning routine. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Marie''s hands flashing, and stopped for a moment to take a look. She wasn''t just combing the kids hair and dressing them, she was tailoring the shapeless dresses to fit them, and embroidering initials onto them. "Wow. Really?"


    She finished dressing her latest victim, then pulled two armfuls of waiting kids into a big Marie hug. "Hoard."


    I just laughed, smiling at her to know how adorable I found her. She purred back at all of us, and I saw some of the kids in her ''hoard'' didn''t move away from her, but stayed close enough to keep one hand gripping her skirts. Are these kids all orphans?


    Loki answered me. Many of them, yes. Some may simply have literally lost their parents in the evacuation, others may have relatives who will take them in, but many of them? Have no one left in the world.


    Saffron joined the conference call in my brain to add, until we find their parents, they''re ours in every way that matters.


    Bonnie may fight you on that, you realize?


    Her hands occupied washing the next kid in line, Saffron raised an eyebrow at me. Would she fight Marie, though?


    Kitten, she straight up knowingly walked to her own ignominious death because she thought it would help her One True Love. Bitch has to have some stones on her to do that shit. I mean, she actually tries to fight Marie she''s gonna wind up coleslaw, but standing up to her? To get a horde hoard of her very own? She would absolutely do that shit.


    Saffron rolled her eyes and pushed another kid at me, waving the next one into the bath. Yet another chore on my list, to ensure domestic tranquility.


    How exactly are you gonna do that?


    Somehow she managed a serene, knowing smile despite the kid in front of her splashing water everywhere in an effort to retain their carefully curated patina of grime. I know exactly who I''m going to delegate it to.


    Who the fuck would take that job, playing referee between Bonnie and Marie?


    I''ll tell you later.


    I shrugged, and we bantered out loud about nothing much while working our way through the rest of the kids who''d wound up with us. When we finally got out to the Dining Room, where along with our seats at the table, the assorted staff had lined up two huge buffet tables along the walls, with servers to help kids too small to reach and ensure nobody did something like load all of the mashed pumpkin up onto one plate. Other than the group of us seated at the table, which today included six Cadets, Lachlan, General Hargreaves, Mayor McCann, and all ten Calverton Heroes, two lines of refugees walked along the buffets, filling plates and then carrying them away to eat wherever they''d found a place to be. Down beyond the end of the proper table, I saw a couple coffee tables a certain Menace had stolen from some of the suite living rooms, with Isnomi herself seated at the far end of the extended table, and little kids crammed in along both sides, most of them ones I recognized from bath time, along with the ones Isnomi had played with before, including Liam, who sat just to her left. For a moment I wondered where she''d gotten itty bitty chairs, then I realized that all the kids were sort of bobbing like they were perched on yoga balls, at which point I remembered; Isnomi knew how to make Air Shields. Clever little Menace.


    I silently wondered how long it would be before I had to give her the ''birds and bees'' talk, not to mention the ''pretty ones are nice to look at, but don''t get tied down unless they''re good on the inside, too'' talk. Thankfully, hyper-precocious tot or not, her body still seemed to be developing at a more reasonable pace, giving me at least ten years before I had to worry about going over prophylaxis. Thank. God.


    I cannot claim any special credit for that, but not being a stupid Deity, I accept your thanks gladly.


    I mentally deadpanned, Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    Once everybody else at the table had gotten to the ''filling in the edges with coffee and juice and toast'' stage of breakfast, General Hargreaves heaved a sigh and said, "I''m afraid I have bad news, and I apologize in advance, for I should have suspected, but said nothing in hopes I was wrong."


    Larry looked at me, I nodded to Saffron, and she said, "I seem to ask this question quite often, but did you intend deception or harm to anyone?"


    He solemnly shook his head. "No, Ma''am."


    "Then speak plainly and truthfully, and I assure you, we will not hold it against you or yours, save perhaps to ask you assist us in cleaning up any messes created."


    He heaved a relieved sigh and slumped a little, then visibly pulled himself together and said, "our small squads of Heroes sent to ''recon'' have proven to be more loyal to High Priest Garland than they were to Calverton. Two of our messengers returned with tales of being scorned and sent running, one returned, but died from her injuries before she could report, and four of the other seven never returned."


    "What of the last three?" asked Lancaster.


    "They returned with news that those scouting parties cursed at them, but had been too badly injured to do more than throw words. Excepting the one who returned to tell us all eight had been killed and left to lie in the snow."


    "Yeah, sorry about that. Larry and Lachlan and I were a little too busy keeping them off our evacuees to be entirely gentle."


    Hargreaves just shook his head. "Any Hero who would attack unarmed men, women, and children is unworthy of the name, and I wouldn''t have them as Heroes in my Army, or my City if I had anything to say about it."


    Saffron rapped one knuckle on the table, commanding the attention of everyone there. "We have two things, then, that need to be addressed. First and foremost, General, will you and your Heroes aid Lachlan and our Cadets in catching and, if need be, purging these rogue Heroes?"


    "Absolutely, Ma''am. Any help you could lend to run them down would be appreciated, but we will do all we can to remove the stain they''ve placed on Calverton''s honor."


    "Excellent. Now, as regarding Calverton City and its future dealings with the Inter-City Alliance. General, will you and your people accept Mayor McCann as your representative to the Inter-City Council, and abide by any resolutions he agrees to?"


    Hargreaves looked at McCann, a long, searching look. Finally, he sighed and said, "You''ve always been a more political animal than I was comfortable with, but... that''s exactly what we need now, isn''t it Paedric?"


    "I honestly hope so, Horace. If we need a military man for dealing with the Alliance, I fear we''ve already lost."


    Hargreaves bowed his head for a moment, lips moving, then straightened up. "I will accept whatever resolutions Paedric agrees to, with the single caveat that if those resolutions prove to be so onerous that our people die as fast as they would while at war, then I''ll let them die with weapons in hand."


    Saffron nodded. "That sounds eminently fair. Mayor McCann, are you ready to leave?"


    "Right now?"


    She stood, Glowing Midnight flowing around her as she reached out a hand to the Mayor. "Absolutely." She smiled. "I''ve got to get back as soon as possible, before the Council forgets what their Imperator looks like." As he took her hand, she turned to face me and said, "I leave hunting these criminals, these Rogue Heroes, in the capable hands of General Hargreaves, Hero Lancaster, Heir Lancaster, and especially the Commander of the Phileo Expedition." She nodded at us each in turn, then said, "gentlemen," before stepping away to Newark.


    I turned to the General. "The Rogue Heroes are moving in teams of eight, right?" He nodded. "Okay, I can reliably Translocate six people at a time, I think, but not if they''re wearing or carrying any Cold Iron. Well, not more than a locket or something. A sword is probably too much, and armor or shields are right out. Can you have four groups of five standing by in the Scrying Room, ready to go when we spot them?"


    He nodded. "Absolutely. I''d be honored to lead one of them, if you''ll have me."


    I shook my head, but smiled to try to take the edge off. "I appreciate the offer, but honestly? You''re probably the most experienced field commander we have. If those assholes group up and attack Lancaster House while our ready Heroes are off chasing ghosts, we need you here leading our troops to have the best chance of stopping them permanently."


    General Hargreaves nodded. "I see the wisdom in that." A crooked smile slipped onto his face. "To hear Garland tell it, you''re a blood curdling monster barely capable of human speech, let alone strategic thought."


    I shrugged and smiled back. "Yeah, I''m guessing he got Oliver''s description of me. He and I didn''t meet under the best of circumstances."


    The General cocked his head, obviously intrigued. "Oh?"


    I nodded. "Yeah. He''d just engineered an ambush of our diplomatic party who were waiting to negotiate peace, as Oliver and his dad had agreed to. Killed all of our diplomats. Including my wife. So I killed about half of his Army and routed the rest, straight up killed most of his Heroes, cut off his extremities, ripped off his nose, popped his eyes out, and burned out his tongue."


    The General looked a little pale at that, but gamely said, "really."


    I nodded again. "Yep. Cut his dad''s arms and legs off too for not stopping him. Killed him too, but Revived him. Not really as humanitarian as it might have been; at the time I just regretted not showing him what I''d done to his son." I paused, looking at the ceiling for a moment, thinking. "Oh, yeah. When I heard he''d been feeding Alliance information to Garland, I burned out his eyes and ears. Did I burn off his nose and cock? Yeah, I think I did. I was a little irate."


    By that point the other Calverton Heroes were looking at me like I''d just said, ''I''m a Dragon in disguise, and your bussy virginity is mine!'' or some shit. General had a little more intestinal fortitude than that, he just nodded, forced a sympathetic smile, and said, "he engineered your wife''s demise in the most dishonorable way possible. I''ll admit I''m... impressed by your thoroughness, but totally understand your reaction." He paused a little bit, then said, "I''m sorry for your loss?"


    I shrugged that off, with an absolutely intentional throwing away gesture. "Water under the bridge. She and I are notoriously hard to kill and even harder to keep dead. Probably a good thing, what with her being Imperator and all."


    "Ah. Well. I''m glad to hear it. What are the Imperator''s duties again?"


    I smiled at him. "Oh, she runs the Council meetings, more or less, holds a tiebreaker vote for when the rest of the Council is deadlocked. Oh, and she''s head of the Alliance Army. So, y''know, if Calverton winds up joining the Alliance? She''ll be your boss."


    "If you don''t mind my asking, what position do you hold on the Council?"


    I looked around, the gesture pure theater. "Good, no politicians around. Officially? I don''t have one. No head nor stomach for politics. Makes my head spin and my stomach sour. But unofficially?"


    "Yes?"


    "I''m the Imperator''s Attack Dog. She points and says ''kill'', shit dies."


    I don''t know what I expected, but a gout of relieved, genuinely amused laughter wasn''t high on the list. After a few moments, his Heroes joined in. Even the Cadets snickered a little, but mostly at the disbelieving looks some of the Heroes at the far end of the table gave me. When he stopped laughing, General Hargreaves nodded to me and said, "well then. I believe your Imperator pointed at our Rogue Heroes and said, ''Kill'', so let''s be about it then?"


    I nodded, and we all pushed away from the table. As we left, I pulled Marie in for a quick snog and said, "look out for Isnomi and her band of miscreants?"


    She said, "Yes," but her eyes glinted with mischief.


    "Make sure they don''t get up to too much deviltry?"


    "Maybe."


    I laughed, played about five seconds of tonsil hockey and grab ass, then headed for the Scrying Room.


    Kinda glad I''d gotten good practice at keeping a poker face, what with Saffron playing with my new hot button this morning, because while the General, Lachlan, and all the Cadets had already headed downstairs? All ten Calverton Heroes kept swiveling their gazes from me to Marie and back until I hit the steps and walked out of sight.


    Spent the rest of the day Scrying all the Farmsteads in an expanding spiral around Lancaster House. No sign of assholes.


    Late in the afternoon, I remembered something I''d forgotten to ask Saffron.


    Kitten?


    Yes, Goof?


    Who were you gonna have refereeing between Bonnie and Marie?


    Oh, that? Not to worry. I have the utmost faith in the... She paused, then slammed that goddamned beautiful awful singsong button. Imperator''s Attack Dog.


    Said it before time and again, never gonna stop saying it. ''My chick bad, badder than yours. My chick do things I can''t even put in words.''


    How else could I reply to my Glorious, Magnificent Bitch?


    Woof.

 Day Two Hundred And Forty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, sometimes I wish I could just telepathically communicate to the assholes as they''re pulling shit.


    Hell, not even ''telepathically''. Just ''empathically''. Like, ''this is my emotional state; as you can see, I am not becoming intimidated or scared or any other kind of "less willing to throw down" because you''re pussyfooting around''. With an add on of ''as you can also see, I am sliding steadily toward "I''m going to rip your cunt mouth out your ass" instead''. Yes, while Saffron apparently decided to scry on Physics textbooks, I had my priorities straight. That shit is, in fact, absolute fire.


    Inigo Montoya is my spirit guide, because he, like me, hates waiting, and just wants to cut a bitch. Okay, he wants his father back which... Shit, I don''t know if I want that or not? Maybe.


    Wait. I think I had about three ounces (by weight) of hesitation before slotting Loki firmly into the ''dad'' slot in my emotional makeup.


    I''m so glad you weighed such a momentous decision with the gravitas it deserved.


    Emotions don''t weigh or ponder, Boss. Just are. Sorry, you didn''t run fast enough, now you''re stuck with me, Dad.


    Stuck implies I''d wish to get free, Daughter. Which I not only do not desire, I believe I may actually fear such an occurrence.


    Aww... thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    Anyway, staggered up to bed late last night. Saffron showed up right about the same time, and we barely had the energy to lean on each other as Marie undressed us and tucked us into bed. Then tucked Isnomi''s chosen gaggle in around us, blocked off the bathroom with the armoire, and made sure her hoard of flotsam and jetsam children were all snug in their pile around her, while she herself curled up so no one could open the living room door without pushing it through her.


    As I drifted off to sleep, a process made just a touch harder by my hindbrain''s refusal to acknowledge my exhaustion when Saffron was Right There, I thought about that. My first reaction was amusement that she''d made our bedroom into a vault for her hoard, but that didn''t quite feel right. Kind of like laying skin to skin with Saffron without either of us being even slightly sexually gratified. No, I''m not going to get freaky when our bed''s covered in K through Five, but that doesn''t mean I''m not going to feel some kind of way and bitch about it. My meandering train of thought finally wound up end-over-ending to the low key horrifying realization that Marie would hardly need to secure the room for herself, or even really to protect the kids.


    She''d done it because they needed it. Needed to feel safe, that nothing would come and snatch them away in the night. Or snatch us away from them. Even through my exhaustion, a tiny fire lit deep inside me. Rationally? I had no reason to blame those asshole Rogue Calverton Heroes for these kid''s trauma. Emotionally? I''d hit the point where those assholes would be lucky to wind up like Oliver fucking Orange.


    And now I was too pissed off to sleep, while simultaneously being too fucking tired to even move.


    But you should go to sleep, love.


    Seven notes, and my beloved Magnificent Bitch flooded my brain with post-coital bliss, bypassing the actual pre- and mid- coitus states. Said bliss then teamed up with my exhaustion to pile drive me directly into unconsciousness.


    Mimic dreamt of disco dancing at a rave, where the black lights under the floor made every nonexistent white thing glow, except the three tiles where some dumbass had pogoed too hard and cracked the floor.


    Woke up halfway through the night, vaguely disoriented and annoyed at nonsensical dreams that weren''t even my nonsense. Except I guess maybe they were? Not like Mimic had ever seen a disco in the here and now. Unless maybe Metaphoric Space is where the afterlife is for, like, every universe? That might be nice. I could see my mom again. Shit, now I was confused, maudlin, and depressed.


    Saffron felt me tense, shifted to snuggle herself closer to me, hummed her magic tune, and my depression and maudlin cracked as those seven beautiful notes picked my recalcitrant brain up by its ankles and shook it until the Happy Brain Chemicals fell out of its pockets and I slipped back to sleep.


    Mimic dreamt of the stars. Mom was out there somewhere, and if that wasn''t quite the happy thought it would have been for me, it wasn''t, y''know, confusing as fuck.


    I woke up to Saffron lying atop me, arms folded across my chest, her chin braced on them as she stared up at me. "I find it endlessly fascinating how you wake up."


    I smiled at her. "Same back at you." A second later I realized that she hadn''t said ''cute'' or ''adorable'', or anything like that, but ''fascinating''. "How so?"


    She shrugged as if to say that it wasn''t something that mattered, just something she found intriguing. "You go from utterly still, barely breathing if you''re breathing at all, your heartbeat so slow and shallow I can barely feel it, to completely animated, alive, awake, and aware, with no space in between."


    I snorted. "Guess you''ve been asleep the days when I wake up slow."


    She shook her head, which did interesting things to her arms, and more importantly to my chest beneath them, but a quick glance showed the room and our bed still occupied by the horde hoard. "No, it''s not that. It''s not even really ''asleep'' and ''awake''. It''s more like you go from a state so close to death as to be nigh indistinguishable to so full of life that it fills the room around you."


    "Huh. Maybe it''s a Blend thing? Y''know, subconsciously telling everybody around me ''nobody to see here, just a mannequin, no need to look closer, please move along'' or some shit like that."


    She tilted her head, smiling as she did so, then shrugged. "Maybe. I don''t think so, but I could be wrong."


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    "Pfft. As if."


    She rolled her eyes and somehow managed to pinch me without moving either of her hands. "Goof. I am fully capable of being incorrect about assumptions. Even ones I''ve thought through carefully, especially when there is some pertinent facet of the situation of which I''m unaware. In things like this, where I''m, as you''d say, spitballing? Throwing things at the wall and seeing what sticks? Intellect has no influence on correct or incorrect, and thus? I might be wrong."


    "Pfft. As if."


    She laughed, somehow pinching me again in an even tenderer spot. "Such a stubborn Goof. I should tell your wife to punish you."


    "Wait, isn''t that you?"


    The Grin snuck across her face like a spouse trying to sneak into bed at three AM after an absolute bender. "That would make it exceptionally easy for me to tell your wife, wouldn''t it? All I have to do is not keep secrets from myself."


    I shook my head a little. "Is this, like, a Co-Location thing, or a shapshiftey thing? Are you actually me Co-Located and Shapeshifted? Or am I actually you Co-Located and Shapeshifted?"


    She rolled off of me, laughing. "No, no, no, nothing of the sort, love. I was, as you''re so fond of saying, just fucking with you."


    My brows beetled and my mouth scrunched into a moue. "How do I know you''re not some Bad Guy who''s whisked my Saffron away and replaced her with Folgers'' Crystals?"


    "Oh, it doesn''t matter who I am though. What matters is what you are."


    I pulled her to me, kissed her, and she definitely smelled and tasted and felt and kissed like my Saffron. "So what am I again?"


    Imperator''s Attack Dog.


    When my eyes uncrossed I said, "woof." Then went on an absolute tickle rampage against my naughty little Imperator.


    After about ten seconds Isnomi woke up and joined in, and less than a minute after that the entire room was a vast sea of tickle and counter-tickle, giggles and squeals echoing from the walls. Eventually we tired out, as did the kids, and we all lay there panting and amused. Saffron pulled me close, our noses almost touching, our gazes locked together, and whispered. "There she is. My Goof, my silly Goof who grabs the cup of life with both hands and quaffs it to the dregs." She sighed, a long exhalation as she went deliciously limp in my arms. "I needed that. Thank you, love."


    "What''s up, Kitten? Council misbehaving? Need me to come and bark at them?"


    She smiled. "No, nothing like that. Mayor McCann has actually been most patient with us, since the General and I both spent all day yesterday Curing plague victims. Every person we find in every building we come to is either ill or dead."


    "Shit. I''m sorry. Do you need me there?"


    She shook her head. "I want you here terribly, and the moment you''ve put these Rogue Heroes in the ground, I need you to join me and help us end this thing. But there''s a reason there is a whole protocol for Rogue Heroes. While I am of course biased and believe our own Heroes in Phileo are better than those of any other City, any Hero is, fundamentally, a force to be reckoned with. A group of eight of them? Could do as much damage as a whole army of bandits."


    I pulled her against me, rubbing little circles on her back as Marie started the horde hoard moving toward the bathroom. "So. End these Rogue Heroes, End Apollo''s fucking Plague, with ending the sunny asshole himself as a potential stretch goal, and then we get to get back to important shit, like you teaching me written Celtic?"


    She laughed as she kind of oozed over me, planting little kisses along my shoulder, up my neck, and down my jawline as she did. "That''s my Goof. Ever with her priorities in order."


    "You know it, babe."


    "Hmm... No. I prefer Kitten."


    I smiled at her, put my arms around her and rolled us off the bed, landing on my feet with her in a princess carry. "Kitten it is then, Kitten." Then I carried her into the bathroom and dropped her into the tub, splashing us both as I did. The kids laughed, Marie laughed, Saffron laughed, I laughed. The armoires did not, in fact, laugh, and therefore nobody felt a need to kill the Mimic. What, you think I''d never heard that joke before?


    When we made it to breakfast, we found the buffet and table terrain dominated by an absolute wafflepalooza, although a surprising newcomer entered the fray. Equally good with butter, fruit spread, and surprisingly adept at soaking up syrup, Marie''s cornbread wound up the object of many noms, especially among the kids too young to care about it being ''livestock feed'', who paid more attention to ''sweet, syrupy goodness'', because they had their culinary heads on straight. Meat was a little thin on the ground; the folks going through the buffet got two sausages each, although they got a couple boiled eggs as well. Rationing, but not, like, stupid starvation rationing.


    After breakfast Isnomi, Marie, and I glomped Saffron and smothered her with kisses before she managed to step away, laughing, telling us she''d be back at sundown.


    Down in the Scrying Room, Larry and I had figured out that if we weren''t the ones actually looking through the scrying pools? We could each maintain another one, which made five for me and three for him. He rotated through the eight farmsteads around Lancaster House in fifteen minute intervals, I did the loop around that with twenty five minute intervals. It meant we were each Shaping a scry every five minutes, which wasn''t exactly restful, but it was sort of like running at a jog; both of us could do that shit all day if we had to. Which we did.


    The remaining Cadets and the Calverton Heroes on standby wound up doing the actual ''staring through the pool, watching for any evidence of Rogue Heroes'' part of things, although they got help from an unlikely yet adorable source. Isnomi and her growing army of little playmates rolled into the room right around lunch, ostensibly bringing us food, more realistically glomming onto the watchers in twos and threes, asking them questions about what they were looking at. Weirdly, it kinda helped, since instead of just staring at farmstead after farmstead, the nominal adults in the room had to actually, y''know, look at what they were looking at. Think about it, at least enough to answer all the questions a pack of curious K through Five kids could come up with.


    Maybe an hour before sunset, Isnomi slipped away from Liam and a couple other kids she''d been circulating with and came over to me, holding her hands up. "Up! Up!"


    I smiled, yoinked her up with my right hand and settled her on my hip. "Hey, Menace."


    She nodded at me, that super-serious look only little kids could pull off on her face, and she leaned in and whispered, "we hep?"


    I nodded back, bunting her forehead with mine, whispering back, "you have been the biggest help, Menace. I''m so proud of you."


    "Frens help?"


    "Yes, you and all your friends, Menace. I''m proud of all of them too, but you''ll always be my one little Menace."


    "No mow sissa? No mow brudda?"


    I chuckled. "Not any time soon, no. But... maybe. Possibly. Probably. But not for a while. And then you''ll be a Big Sister."


    "I''m biggest sissa!"


    "Yes, you are, Menace. The biggest of all."


    She preened as she rode my hip for the rest of the day. Maybe fifteen minutes later, Saffron pinged me. Are you in the Scrying Room, love?


    Yep.


    I expect you to catch me and carry me up to bed. Ravishing is definitely an option, but only if you do absolutely every bit of the work.


    What about the kids?


    I''m too tired to eat, so you''ll have to ravish quickly, while Marie watches them denude the dinner buffet.


    Well, I''m not too tired to eat.


    That got me a long pause, followed by, are you actually turning down sex for food?


    Oh, no. I was letting you know what variety of ravishing to expect.


    The next moment she slumped against me, whispering, "so poetic, I am defenseless against your wit and ardor. Carry me off and do as you will with me."


    As I scooped her up opposite the menace, pretty much carrying her the exact same way, Isnomi giggled and said, "mom siwwy."


    Before I could figure out how to offload Isnomi to Marie, Lachlan unknowingly put his health and welfare at risk with three words. "I see them!"


    "MOTHERFUCKER!"


    Apparently not tonight, love.

 Day Two Hundred And Forty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    There are worse problems to have than for the assholes who want to wreck your shit to be living in fear that you will show up and make them very dead or worse, leave them alive and Oliveresque.


    That word''s my contribution to the English language. Okay, Celtic language, since apparently we''re all speaking Celtic. It''s a portmanteau of ''Oliver'' and ''Grotesque''. Because, y''know, given the shape I''ve left him in, he''s pretty grotesque. His dad? Just quadruple amputee. But him? Yeah, I left him looking ugly and stuck in his own brain for as long as I can keep his ass alive.


    Does it make me more or less of a villain that if I hear he''s somehow managed to off himself I''m gonna go Revive him? I mean, I''m not fixing any of the shit I did to him, and if the Revive fixes it I''m just gonna re-violate him, but... yeah, I think I answered my own question there.


    So yesterday, right as I was about to end a solid workday of scrying with my favorite dessert in the whole wide world, Lachlan called out that he saw the assholes we''d been looking for. Without stopping to think about it, I stepped to our Lancaster House bedroom, dropped Isnomi and Saffron both unceremoniously on the bed, stepped back to Lachlan and shouted "Calverton squads one and two, join hands!" I grabbed Lachlan''s off hand, grabbed the nearest guy in squad one as they all managed to get hands together, and stepped us all to the farmstead in Lachlan''s scrying bowl. Before I even had a moment to orient, I let go, pulled my hand back, and jumped back to Lancaster House''s Scrying Room. "Carruthers!" As he moved toward me, I jumped over to the second squad of Calverton Heroes. Again, the moment I had contact with the squad and Linus, I stepped them all to that same farmstead.


    I suppose it says something that I didn''t even look to see which one it was. Didn''t even look back at it as I stepped behind an archer at the back of the rogue formation. I think he must have heard the snow crunch as I landed, because he spun to face me, and if I was Lachlan''s height I''d have had an arrow through my eye. Instead I got what would probably wind up as a brand new scar as the arrow missed me by less than the width of it''s head. Or, y''know, more accurately it ricocheted off my fuckin'' skull. Before he could do anything else, I popped eight little six inch Mana Blades, one from each of my knuckles, and punched him half a dozen times in the chest, grabbed his shoulder, punched him twice more in the gut, and finished him off with a right hook to the jaw. Which kinda left his head only loosely connected to the rest of him, but I didn''t have time to check if any not-obviously-armored rogues had Cold Iron Chainmail.


    A quick scan showed one dude looking like some kind of LARPer who hadn''t been engaged by either of our squads yet. Black and yellow robes, big old staff with a knob on the end, and worst of all a swirling mass of fire coalescing around his hand. I leapt toward him, Translocating just before my knees hit the snow. I slid into the side of his legs as I popped up a Filtration Ward set to block Fire around both of us. On the subject of popping, his right knee did so, and he toppled over on me. I closed my eyes, ducked my head, and screamed as fire washed over both of us. Before I did anything else I Shaped a Create Water over my own head, really hoping I''d managed to keep enough hair to not look completely dorky. Right about then the asshole thwacked me right in the crotch with his stick.


    I Translocated to about five feet above him, extruding decent sized Mana Blades from my knees as I did so. I landed on knees and fists, but more importantly my knees landed on his knees, and my fists landed on his chest after going through his spindly little arms. Apparently Calverton didn''t train its Mages the way duBois trained Phileo''s Cadets. "Nothing. Bigger. Than. Nine. Inches. Asshole!" With each word I punched him in the chest again, at which point I realized that he wasn''t ''beating at my crotch with his fucking stick'', his corpse was ''convulsing each time I punched him''.


    "Oops."


    I looked around to see Lachlan straight up split a dude from crown to crotch with a big assed sword, then throw a Fire Bolt at the dude behind him. On the far side of the fight, Carruthers had gotten to grappling range with a dude in plate armor with a broadsword and kite shield. Neither really did him any good as the Cadet grabbed him by the shoulder and crotch and straight up suplexed him headfirst into the ground. Given that the guy was almost as tall as Carruthers, that must have taken a lot of strength. Which Carruthers demonstrated again by grabbing the dude''s ankles and lifting one while pushing the other down. Behind his back. When he got it nearly horizontal, while the dude flailed at Carruthers with his sword, my boy lifted one of his big size ''fuck you'' boots, putting his foot atop the dude''s thigh, and shoving down with that foot while holding the dude''s other leg up with both hands. The resulting noise as both the dude''s armored skirt and his hip joint gave way? Not something I would forget any time soon.


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    Between Lachlan, Carruthers, and me, we''d taken out four of them, which left the rest outnumbered two to one. Our Calverton guys gave the rogues a quick lesson in why against anybody but, y''know, me and Larry, steel was a way better choice than Cold Iron, especially when you''re relying on your armor to protect you from the guy behind you.


    While they mopped up with Lachlan and Carruthers backing them up, I stepped over to the plate armored dude, rolled him over with my foot, and knelt on his throat. I remembered how I''d been trussed up during my Court Martial, and that wasn''t even the full ''Rogue Hero'' protocol. We didn''t have any way to take prisoners that a competent Hero couldn''t get out of, and these assholes had already made it clear that killing me was more important to them than, y''know, protecting the people they were sworn to. Interesting trivia tidbit, he died neither from my Mana Blade decapitating him nor my knee suffocating him. By the time the rest of the group had finished off their dance partners, I''d melted a hole through his throat armor, and the cold iron did like molten iron do, giving him an emergency tracheotomy. The operation was a success, but the patient died.


    I''d also burned my knee, but not, like, third degree. Second at worst. Yet another scar to add to the mix.


    "Strip them all. Leave their gear in the farmstead courtyard. Pile the bodies there," I pointed to Mister Wizard, "hurry up, we''ve got to get back. I wouldn''t put it past these assholes to hit more than one place at a time."


    With a dozen big burly guys doing the work, we had eight corpses piled like cordwood in less than that many minutes. Hey Boss?


    Yes, my Champion?


    Any chance you could light these guys up?


    Not exactly a hearth.


    Nope, it''s not. But you''re also a fire god, and I don''t want anybody Reviving these assholes.


    Fair points, both.


    Flames washed over the pile of bodies, and I Shaped another Filtration Ward to keep the heat of the flames in, which ought to prevent any forest fires or shit like that. Smokey the Bear would be proud of your girl Tabitha.


    Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    As the fire went into overdrive as none of the heat could escape, I had the boys line up and hold hands. Two seconds after they finished, they all stood back in the Scrying Room. I looked over to Larry. "Any other customers?"


    He shook his head. "I wish we could let all of the others see what we just watched. They might surrender themselves."


    I cocked my head. "Haven''t they pretty much earned themselves the Death Penalty?"


    He shrugged. "I''m not sure. They''ve disobeyed orders and gone rogue, but General Hargreaves could show mercy and simply have them defrocked and serving time, or even reinstate them after they make up for the error of their ways. None of that really matters, though."


    I looked around and realized that Larry, Fred, Bonnie, and Raven had all kind of bunched up around the Scrying Pool we''d spotted the Rogues in. The other ten Calverton Heroes made another ring around them. Right about then it dawned on me that the kids who''d been helping watch all day long had been firmly kept outside that outer circle. Yeah, I guess we did kinda go full on ''not suitable for younger audiences''. "So what does matter?"


    Larry nodded at the Scrying Pool. "Honestly? I''d rather a noose or headman''s axe than what Linus did."


    I chuckled, because I kinda agreed with him. "Send somebody if anybody sees anything before you all pack it in for the night. I''m goin'' to bed."


    "Good Night, Commander. I''ll wrap things up here."


    A moment later I faceplanted in the bed. I rolled over and looked around, immediately noticing a complete lack of Isnomi. "Where''d the Menace go?"


    "Something about ''watching out for Momma'', I think."


    Hell with it, our Menace might not be the scariest thing in Lancaster House at the moment, but I put her in the top three, easy, and Marie wouldn''t let anything happen to her. I banished our clothes to the dressing room, rolled over again and muttered, "we''ve got, like, until she gets downstairs and back again, then."


    "That sounds like an excuse."


    I didn''t say anything for a bit after that, but when I heard the living room door open I scrambled to get us both under the sheets. Just in time, because the entire Junior Scrying Patrol thundered into the room a moment later, followed closely by Marie''s horde hoard. I rolled an unresisting Saffron half over so I could snuggle up behind her. While Marie got them all ready for bed, because apparently she actively enjoys doing that kind of thing, Saffron thought at me, do I smell pork?


    Right about then my knee reminded me of my adventures in smelting. Oh. Yeah. Did bad things to my knee. Hurts like a bitch. Sorry, think it might have distracted me from important things.


    She pulled my arms around her, schooching back until we pressed together, skin on skin, all the soppy intimate feels Happy Brain Chemicals firing off, every point of contact between us tingling as the pain in my knee and along my scalp faded into memory. All that before she finished things off by thinking, no reason to be sorry.


    Well, finished me off anyway. Lovely thing to drift off to sleep to.


    Mimic dreamt of... I dunno, some kind of horizontal Connect Four bullshit. Made no sense asleep, even less when I woke up.


    Morning had us helping Marie get her horde hoard clean and ready for the day. A day including two farmsteads calling for Healers, one for help with a lost cow, and dick all beyond that.


    No last minute Rogue spotting at the end of the day, even, although Saffron returned from Newark even more worn out than yesterday. This time I dropped Isnomi off with Marie, and we had all of dinner to get our too-tired-to-eat-dinner selves to sleep.


    There are good things to be said for efficiency and nimble fingers. Saffron summed all of them up with, it''s time to go to sleep, Goof.

 Day Two Hundred And Fifty

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, I''ve mentioned I hate waiting a couple of times now, but I think it might not be the waiting I hate most. It''s my response to the end of the waiting.


    It''s not the anticipation. Anticipation is just... an amplifier. Anticipating debauchery for a couple days? Mind-blowing climactic resolution. Anticipating violence for days? I lose my fuckin'' mind and do shit that would haunt me if I had things like functional memory and object permanence. Then again, how permanent is any object when you drop it in a Mana Blade?


    Okay, yeah, Cold Iron, I get it, but still, you get my point. I just kinda wish I could get the point across to these rogue assholes that if they''d all just walk up to the gate and say ''we''re here to fight you now'', I''d probably be a lot more gentle with them than keeping me on edge.


    Got to sleep at a decent hour last night. Mimic dreamt of stones games and connect four and disco dancing. No fuckin'' clue what Big Black is going on about, but I kinda wish she''d find some more metaphors, y''know? How hard can it be? She lives in Metaphoric Space, right? So she''s where metaphors come from? Or where they live or whatever?


    Woke up to Isnomi''s posse and the horde hoard piled up on and around our bed. My hand dangled off the edge of the bed, fingers interlaced with Marie''s. I just lay there, soaking up the feels. So much of what I''ve had to do here, the stuff that sticks out, at least, has been mind-blowingly violent. I wonder sometimes if that''s why I''m here, to visit all the violence the Powers that Be have dumped on the Mortals of this world, thousands of years, maybe tens of thousands, all returned at once. Part of me looks forward to that. To being the ''find out'' in response to all the Deific ''fuck around'' that''s happened. Part of me.


    The rest of me? Doesn''t give a shit about all of that. The rest of me just wants this; to lie around with the people I love, maybe spreading that category around a bit, one way or another. I dunno what I''d do if I wasn''t Heroing, though. Then again, that was pretty much true even back in Camden. I was good at a lot of things, good enough I could have done it as a career. Wouldn''t have broken a sweat driving a cash register, or a reception desk, or a grill. Okay, not that last. My cooking is best described as ''technically edible''. I could have gone to school and done whatever. When I took the ASVABs, the military aptitude tests, the answers came back ''you can do anything you want; there''s a signing bonus if you go Combat Arms''. Which had an appeal even back then; you take a kid, wait for them to get a dream or two, crush those dreams to dust, rinse and repeat on the daily for a dozen and a half years? It builds a deep and abiding rage, a lust for violence that keeps burning no matter how much you try to drown it.


    But even there, it wasn''t even ''oh, hey, look at this method of doing unto others'', it was ''yeah, choose your fighter''. I guess I''m saying that there''s a downside to being blessed with talents in every direction you look. You''ve got no idea what direction you ought to go. I mean, if I had one or two choices? Just try one, see if I like it, or maybe try both and see which I like better. But there''s this thing about getting a new job every year; eventually employers start giving you side eye, like, ''how can we exploit you properly if you won''t stick around?''


    So, yeah. I guess Heroing, at least Phileo style Heroing, isn''t the worst fit for me. The Heroes I''ve seen from other Cities in the here and now seem to fall into a couple really broad categories. Warrior types who focus on purely physical asskickery, Mage types who focus on Mana Shaping, and Priest types who call down the always available, if somewhat imprecise Wrath of the Gods on their enemies. Or, y''know, the whole battlefield, so I''m guessing they go last, after their own side has already lost.


    Hell, that might be one of the big problems with the here and now; too many people were focused on the other side losing than just making sure their own side won. Hell, I saw that back in Camden, too, so maybe it''s just part of the Human Condition? Or even just part of the Sapient Mortal condition, since I don''t see any difference coming from Bag or Dan, Aesir or Vanir, Jotnar or Olympian. Hell, even the immortals seem to run that way. Then again, if your brain is stuck on everything being a zero-sum-game, maybe you''d start thinking that if the other guy loses, that means you win?


    As I lay there pondering, Marie''s hand squeezed mine; not enough to hurt, but enough to tell me she felt me, that she held part of me in a kind of symbolic holding of all of me. A moment later, Saffron rolled over and hummed that little endorphin releasing tune. I smiled and whispered, "okay, you two, I get it. No more chasing my own tail in self destructive circles."


    "Good," murmured Saffron. After a little nuzzling at my neck, she asked, "what were you thinking about?"


    "Dunno. Philosophy? What I''d do if I weren''t a Hero? Whether any of us have any real choice or if it''s all an illusion?"


    "Deep thoughts."


    I shrugged. "Kind of the thing that happens when I''m awake and let the wheels spin, I guess."


    She pushed herself up just a little and turned my head to look at her. "The day cannot come soon enough that all we need do is lie around discussing such things." Then she pulled me in for a kiss. Funny, as we lay there kissing, I felt the rumble of Marie''s purr through my hand, which still held hers, our fingers still interlaced.


    By the time we came up for air, the little ones started to stir. Marie managed to exfiltrate from the pile around her and, before she went to clear the armoires from the doors, leaned over and kissed me just as tenderly and thoroughly as Saffron had done. Then she leaned across me and did the same to Saffron. Pinned underneath her, with one arm under Saffron and the other still held in place by our interwoven fingers, my whole world narrowed to the sight of the two of them, the smell of them, the gentle sounds of their lips against one another, and the ongoing vibration of Marie''s purr.


    She pulled back and I couldn''t resist saying, "Y''know, a girl could get used to having you lying on top of her like that."


    She just grinned at me as she pulled herself free. "Yes."


    With that, the three of us started our new morning routine of scrubbing up Isnomi''s posse and the horde hoard. As we did, I asked, "can you stay for breakfast?"


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    Saffron shook her head sadly. "I can''t, love. I''m one of the few who have the Mana reserves to cast Mass Cure, and the only one who can do it more than once."


    "It sounds more and more like you need me up there."


    She sighed as she handed another kidlet off to me. "Yeah, we do, but we need you here hunting down those Rogues just as much. Even more, really." A crooked grin leaked onto her face. "I''m not the one duBois called ''preternaturally talented at visiting harm unto others''."


    "Shit, he said that?"


    She shook her head. "Well, no, but there are children present. Also, that''s the way General Lancaster rephrased it, and he agrees."


    "Really?"


    She nodded. "Love, you''ve got a reputation. An earned one."


    I sighed. "Y''know, sometimes I wish I had a different one."


    It had been a while since Saffron gave me a ''really, Diaz?'' look. I''d kinda missed it. "Why would you want that?"


    I mirrored her look back at her. "Who wants a reputation as a vicious, violent, vigilante?"


    Her look melted into a chuckle. "That''s not the reputation you''ve built, love."


    "Then what is it? The Imperator''s Attack Dog?"


    She finished rinsing the latest little one and scooted them on toward me for toweling. As she soaped up the next one she said, "No, love. Not that, although I love it that you feel so protective toward me. Us. Those we consider ''ours'' by any stretch of the imagination. No, your reputation? You''re the avenging angel, against whom no one, be they man, or beast, or god on high may stand."


    I gave her a lopsided smile and sighed, "yeah, I guess that''s not all that bad. Still wish I could have a reputation for, y''know, saving people rather than just bringing the pain."


    Saffron froze for a moment, then went back to scrubbing. "Marie?"


    "Yes?"


    "Can you please take care of Isnomi and the rest of our children here during breakfast?"


    "Yes."


    Part of me wanted to ask what my wife had planned, but some of me really worried that I''d done or said something so awful that she needed privacy to tear me a new asshole or something. That fear only got worse as she remained silent all the way through morning baths, even bathing me and while I dried her off. When I opened my mouth to ask, she just held up a finger for silence. The moment Marie shepherded the kids out of the room, she said, "Just the other day I had to force a resolution through the Inter-City Council. Well, mostly I proposed it and showed them the relevant wall, at which point only Ophelia voted against the resolution."


    "Why?"


    "Because she doesn''t like you. Unless you meant why I had to push the resolution through? That''s because as Imperator, I cannot dictate to Headmaster Miles, although the Inter-City Council as a whole can."


    "Huh?" She''d lost me entirely. A moment later, we stood, her in Glowing Midnight, me in my Academy Uniform, atop the Academy steps. Over her head I saw the Boulevard; the last time I''d seen the view it had been obstructed by a line of plague victims that stretched out to the urban horizon, the snow dirty with vomit and even blood. Now a fresh coat of snow covered everything but the roads and steps; those had been swept clean by traffic and maids.


    "Someone did it over the course of several nights, at a guess. No one knows the artist or artists. I wouldn''t have known about it, but Mrs. Driver waxed poetic about it the morning it finished."


    "The moment what finished?"


    She took me by the hands and gently but firmly turned me around.


    I''d only seen the front of the Academy a few times, and I''d never really looked at it. I knew the outside was some kind of white stone, probably marble, and the doors were the same thick black ones as we had inside. Other than that I couldn''t have told you much about it.


    Now it had a mural all the way across the front, both the dormitories to the sides and the central area that held the classrooms and gathering areas. It took me a little to take it all in. On my far right, the eastern edge of the mural, four figures stood in front of a pair of massive, blood coated walls. Somehow I knew despite never having seen them before that they were Indech, who looked in horror at the walls, Balor, who looked on the line of refugees at his feet, his vision falling on figures here and there in the crowd, Elatha, who held a tiny golden figure in his hand, rays stretching out to strike down those in the procession, and Sengann, caught in the act of placing winged, clawed imps on the refugees near him.


    The ones Balor looked on, most of whom seemed to be either elderly or babies, had been caught in the act of falling. Not ''caught'' in the sense of ''captured in paint'', but in each case a brilliant red sash wrapped around them, holding them on their feet. All those sashes led back to the center of the mural to merge with the dress of the pale skinned, dark haired woman whose gaze burned the imps to ash. To my left, toward the west, the crowd streamed out, dancing, working, even a unit of refugees marching under the baleful gaze of a Dragon. A Dragon hogtied and hung by a noose of that same flame red slash of fabric.


    Saffron spoke, her voice reverent. "This, love. This is your reputation. This, this captures in painted images the emotions your image brings to the people of this Phileo and the Yards, This is what we made a resolution to preserve, when the Headmaster wanted it removed."


    I looked at my feet. "Makes me look like I''m the only one fighting."


    Saffron lifted my chin, her eyes sparking over her smile. "You''re not, love. You know that. I know that. They know that. The difference? You''re the first one to stand up to the Gods and say, ''no, this will not stand''."


    I snorted. "I can''t be the only one who''s ever done that."


    She shook her head. "Maybe? Maybe not? What matters? You''re the first one who did it. Who looked at the gods, told them ''no'', and forced them to back down, whether all at once like you did with Ares, or one victim at a time ripped from the dominion of Balor and Sengann."


    I slumped a little, unseen weight pushing my shoulders down. I barked out another laugh. "No pressure, right?"


    "You remember what happened right here, where we stand, on these steps."


    "Yeah, I healed folks until I passed out and left a bunch of them unhealed."


    My face stung where she slapped me. "You held until due to your example, an incarnate God was shamed into forcing his fellow Deities to do what they should have been doing all along."


    "But..."


    My other cheek didn''t sting quite so much, despite the fact that she''d backhanded me. "NO! No buts. You went to Lancaster after that."


    "Yeah, I know, they heard about it somehow. I saw the Dragon."


    At that she smiled up at me. "He won''t admit it, because if he did, he''d have to insist the entire mural be taken down, but you slew a far greater dragon than one of scales and acid, love."


    "He?" A free-floating clue landed on my burning cheek. "Lancaster? But Larry did that!"


    "Who stood next to him? Who backed him up and cheered him on? Whose example showed him that monsters, even the ones we can''t see, Can. Be. Slain?" She looked down, her voice dropping to a whisper that barely carried to me. "Who showed me that Deities need not be cruel, childish, tyrants to whom we are nothing but playthings? Showed me that they could... should... will be better." I heard the crackle hiss of a Mana Blade in her voice when she breathed, "or they will be no more."


    I pulled her to me, a sudden need expressing itself through my lips on hers, my arms around her. Long moments later we pulled apart the slightest amount, forehead pressed against forehead. "Thank you, Kitten. I... Thank you."


    Her lips curved into a Grin. "So, I know you deserve the rewards I have planned for you, but right at this moment I need to be Curing plague victims, and you need to be hunting Rogue Heroes."


    "But when we''re done?"


    "When we''re done, love. No matter how long it takes. When we''re done."


    She kissed me once more, then stepped away, and was gone. I stepped back to the Scrying Room to begin today''s vigil, two dozen fighters and Marie''s countless horde hoard eagerly awaiting their game of ''spot the Bad Guys''.


    Who, much to my dismay, refused to play today.


    And my tension ratcheted one notch higher.

 Day Two Hundred And Fifty One

    Dear Diary,


    There''s a downside to getting a reputation. It''s a lot harder to surprise people, and a lot easier to get ambushed.


    So after a day of maintaining half a dozen Scrying Pools, cycling through the farmsteads two days out from Lancaster House, I''d hit a really weird place between physically kind of tired from the constant Mana expenditure, not to mention re-shaping a Scrying Pool every few minutes, and mentally awake and bored out of my fuckin'' skull, what with everything being really, really repetitive. Honestly? It had more than a little bit in common with my Curing marathon. Except, y''know, being indoors. And the food being better, what with not being delivered to me outdoors. And the horde of kids willing to talk about whatever random little kid things they wanted to talk about. And Marie wandering over when I got tense and rubbing my shoulders. And getting her to do it just a little more often than that, just to see the looks on the faces of the ready squads of Calverton Heroes, making me vaguely wonder if I got their twig and berries to retract far enough the vacuum suction would implode their codpieces.


    Okay, so it wasn''t much like my Curing marathon at all, but I think I had that on my mind. That thing bugged me in ways I really couldn''t put into words. Okay, not really ''bugged'' me, but definitely made me feel some kind of way. Like, okay, yeah, I did leave the dirt outside the walls of Newark and Camden Yards covered in bloody mud. I also spent like a week doing nothing but Curing people of the plague twenty four by seven. Yeah, I wound up in a Dragon''s mouth for a minute or two because I was the tiniest bit too slow to avoid it, but it''s not like I killed the thing. Just kept it busy while somebody else did the killing. I sure as shit wasn''t the one who called Leonard Lancaster to heel; that was all Larry.


    Maybe that was it? I get that I''d helped folks, but they''d started crediting me with shit I hadn''t done.


    Hey Boss?


    Yes, Tabitha Diaz?


    How do you deal with it? Getting the credit for shit other people do? I mean, that''s what Glory is, isn''t it?


    That got me a long pause, followed by a thoughtful sounding, some of it, of course, is tradition. Mortals strive, and their Deities receive the Glory. But I''m not sure that''s how it always was, and I''m certain that''s not how it''s supposed to be.


    So how is it supposed to be?


    I spend a lot of my time thinking on that, since I met you. There are differences between Mortals and Deities, but the two most relevant, I think, is that Glory in the hands of Mortals dissipates, typically faster than even the most talented and storied of them can gain it. Unless they hit that breaking point and ascend, their Glory will eventually fade, and the world will be as if they had never been.


    The Ozymandias thing?


    The what?


    Weird that you don''t know that here. It''s a poem about a guy walking across a featureless desert. Eventually he comes across the base of a statue, nothing left of it except, like the base and the feet, and nothing else in sight in an ocean of sand. The base has a plaque that reads ''My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings, look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair''.


    A longer pause than earlier. The plaque is different here. But not vastly. The meaning is identical. But the difference between your old world and this one?


    After he''d been silent a bit, I asked, the difference?


    In this world? The statue still stands, as does the city around it. I think that might be part of why we''re here. To maintain. To keep chaos from dissipating the gains Mortals make.


    And the rest?


    Inspiration, my daughter. To inspire others to make those gains, to make the world a better place.


    I thought about that for a while as we shut the Scrying Room down for the night. So far the Rogue Heroes had moved in at dusk, so if we kept up the vigil until maybe an hour after, we were good for the night. I guess even evil assholes want to get under shelter when the thermometer drops down to ''fuck you, I freeze your junk off'' temperatures.


    As I trudged up the steps, Saffron thought, incoming exhausted wife. A moment later she dropped into my waiting arms. "Hey, Kitten."


    She just put her arms around my neck, laid her head against my shoulder, and murmured, "Always here to catch me. I love you."


    "Right back at you." I went silent for a flight of steps, then said, "I''ve been thinking."


    "Is that what that burning smell is?"


    I laughed. "Yeah, probably. Talking with Loki, he said that he thought the proper role of gods was to inspire Mortals to make the world a better place, then help them keep it that way by helping, I dunno, remember how far we''d come? Stopping shit from backsliding? Does that track for you?"


    She sighed. "A world where that''s true would be a paradise, I think."


    A barked laugh slipped out of me. "Yeah, no." The Internet never forgets, but people filled it with bullshit that fit their own preconceptions.


    Ah, but gods are not machines. They...


    As we got to the top floor, bypassing the dinner neither of which either of us really wanted, I asked, "What''s wrong, Kitten?"


    "Just realizing that perhaps that''s what''s wrong. The Gods have failed to inspire actual progress. Instead they''ve assumed that if things never change, they can''t become worse. They have filled themselves with their own preconceptions, that they are inherently better or more important than Mortals."


    I nuzzled her a bit while she reached down and opened the door, what with my hands being occupied with important things like carrying her and trying to cop a feel. "Other than, y''know, the not-being-Mortal part, how are they different then?"


    "That''s it, though. They''re so very not different. At least most of the ones I know of. They''re more powerful. Bigger, in a way. But not better. And while a single God might make a bigger difference than a single Mortal, there are so many Gods with so many different goals that it would be undone within a generation. Within two, mankind might be back to living in caves and hunting with sticks, as Deities warring in the Mortal Realm are ever so much more destructive than Mortals have ever been."


    Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.


    Not as destructive as we could be, I thought, images of nukes from old newsreels in my head.


    Aren''t you the one who could erase the planet if she felt it best, my Goddess?"


    I kicked the bedroom door shut behind us. I didn''t bother with anything beyond making sure the latch caught. Not like Marie would notice anything short of a foot of concrete that we put in the way of opening it. "Yeah. I guess I see your point. Why don''t they do that, then?"


    "That, my love, was what the Pact was ostensibly about. Preventing apocalypse by keeping the Gods in Metaphoric Space, forcing them to go about their bickering via cat''s paws in the Mortal Realm."


    I shook my head, banishing our clothes to the bathroom as I did. I held her next to the bed while she reached over and pulled the covers back. "Seems like they meddle as much as they want anyhow."


    "That they do. But they don''t face one another down here."


    "You say that like they actually get rowdy in Metaphoric Space." I slid her under the covers, then climbed in next to her.


    She pulled the covers up over both of us, and we settled in to sleep, snuggled up to one another. "Of course they don''t. They''ve become so used to the status quo that they would hardly imperil themselves."


    I scooted her toward her edge of the bed until there was a Marie sized gap behind me. Hopefully she''d take the hint. "So nothing ever changes, because they''ve set things up so nothing ever changes. So it never gets any worse, but the status quo is shitty for everyone but them."


    She nodded, muzzily muttering, "that''s about the size of it."


    Before I could reply, she started snoring. I lay there for a bit, but sleep took me before Marie and the horde hoard arrived.


    Mimic dreamt of squares arranged in a simple four pointed star pattern. One in particular, just up and to the left of center, flashed white.


    I woke on the floor. Not, like, in an uncomfortable way, though. Somebody''d moved what passed for our mattress out to the middle of the floor. Okay, the somebody was obviously Marie, who''d curled up behind me. The three of us made up a comfy little hill in the middle of the kid-filled floor. As I glanced around I realized that most of the kids lay between us and the two featureless walls. Of the braver kids, the ones who slept nearer the armoire-covered doors, Isnomi lay furthest toward the living room, and Liam the furthest toward the bathroom. "That''s my girl," I whispered. Yeah, I worried about her, but in a flash of insight I realized the thing that Loki and Saffron''s explanations had been missing.


    Protecting Mortals from things they couldn''t protect themselves from. Dragons. Plagues.


    Gods.


    Somehow that realization settled my racing brain, letting me enjoy just laying there with Marie and Saffron sandwiching me between them, listening to the soft sounds of dozens of kids making adorable little kid snores.


    At breakfast, I gave voice to something else that had been bugging me. "Why do so many of these attacks happen right at dusk?"


    General Hargreaves laughed a bit, but held out a hand, palm down, asking for a moment. "Sorry, no offense intended. Some of the biggest advantages that Calverton Heroes have over our common soldiers are our abilities in the realm of perception. So in cases like this, when likely to be outnumbered, they''ll attack at dusk, giving them the biggest advantage they have for the longest time possible."


    "Huh. Wouldn''t work against defenses with, y''know, lights and walls."


    "Fair point, but the farmsteads don''t have those."


    I heaved a sigh. "Yeah. Well, lights in the courtyards aren''t uncommon. But I get your point." Something else struck me right then. "Hey, General? Where are your troops camped?"


    "The same place we originally encamped, mostly to the south of Lancaster House''s fortifications."


    I turned to Larry, "is there room for them all inside the fortifications?" At his nod, I said, "General, unless there''s a pressing reason why not, could you please move your troops inside the fortified ring? I really don''t want those assholes attacking your troops at night and fading away before you can get a runner to us." He nodded, which made me a lot less uneasy, but something still bugged me.


    Couldn''t figure out what it was. It nibbled at me as I kissed Saffron good bye for the day. Poked at me all day long as I cycled through Scrying Pools.


    Finally the end of the day rolled around. The light from the big front window had gone all orange and yellow with sunset. As I opened my mouth to send the ready squads back to their tents or bunks or whatever, one of the horde hoard called out, "I see them!"


    Larry and I had been squatting more or less back to back in the middle of the room, atop the picture of Lancaster House. The kid shouting was at the Pool to the north of us. Then another kid shouted, "No, I see ''em!"


    Just to the west of the first kid. A third kid just to the west of Larry and I shouted, "No, I see them!"


    I''m not sure what it was, but something finally clicked when I stood up and looked around our Scrying Bowls.


    All laid out in a four pointed star.


    I''m no tactical genius, but I sure as shit know how to wreck shit, and in this case, if I assumed they were smarter than me and overreacted? It would just wind up with their asses getting even more kicked. "Lachlan, Fred, with squads one and two! Larry, Linus, with squads three and four!" I looked around in a bit of a panic until I saw Marie standing there, waiting, watching over the kids. "Menace! Get all the kids into Raven''s bedroom and end anything that tries to come through that door." I''d have put them in our room, but Raven''s bedroom had only one way in, and if she could intimidate Conrad, I''d put my little Menace against anything that could fit through that door. "Marie! Get to General Hargreaves and tell him I need six more ready squads, NOW!"


    The kids weren''t stupid; they''d raced for the stairs the moment I told Isnomi what to do. Marie leapt over the horde hoard tide from a standing start, going to all fours and shouldering the door open when she hit it. I grabbed Lachlan''s hand and jumped him and his Heroes to the courtyard of the farmstead to the north, letting go and stepping back to Lancaster House the moment we arrived. Fred and his squad were next, then I took Larry and his group to the farmstead to the west, dropping Carruthers and his six a moment later.


    I leapt to the farmstead where we''d left Angel and Bill cooling their heels, landing in the dining room just as dinner hit the table. I shouted, "sorry, guys, I need you!" before stepping to stand between them, lay a hand on each of their shoulders and stepping back to the Scrying Room. "Raven! Bonnie! With me!" The two had been working on some bookkeeping in the Scrying Room, Bonnie to be near Larry, Raven because working separately on the books was a recipe for disaster. The moment they joined hands with Angel and Bill, I stepped us all to the fortifications.


    Marie had not only beaten us there, but done so by enough time that a shouting General Hargreaves already had three squads formed up and another three forming. All of them were Heroes who''d rotated through the Scrying Room, so they knew the deal. Even as some part of my brain thought about how silly they looked holding hands, I grabbed the first squad and jumped them north to join Lachlan and Fred. Two more jumps and I had another six Heroes joining Larry and Carruthers; the telltale non-sound of Slayer already flickering out in the gathering gloom.


    I had no time to spare, because our enemies had spent the last few days testing us, feeling out our responses, planning all this shit. I grabbed up Angel and a squad, dropped them at the farmstead to the northeast. Six more jumps, and the other three Cadets and eighteen more Calverton Heroes stood in the courtyard. I Shaped a Fire Bolt and fired more or less straight back toward Lancaster House. Purely by chance the damn thing glanced off a yellow-and-black shield, but the light of its passage showed over a dozen Rogue Heroes. As our allies shouted battle cries and charged, I looked at my friends and said, "they''ve got Hestian Healers in the farmhouse; buy time if you have to, I''ll be back as soon as I can!"


    With that I leapt back to General Hargreaves. Before he could say anything, I asked, "how many of the Rogues are Priests of Ares? And how many are Mages?"


    "Eight, to the best of my knowledge. No High Priests, thankfully. Eight more were Magi. Why do you ask?"


    I juggled numbers in my head, assumed the worst, shaped a broadcast Message spell and shouted, "DRAGONSLAYERS! TO THE NORTHWEST WALL, NOW!"


    The General''s mouth opened, but before he could ask me anything, eight lances of fire reached out from the gathering gloom to the northwest, exploding when they reached the fortifications. Volunteers and Soldiers went flying, but our Dragonslayer Veterans had already started moving to reinforce the two units already stationed there, who looked around a little stunned by the fact that they''d just survived a bombardment that had wrecked everybody else around them.


    I turned to Marie as the last light of the sun disappeared. "You ready to go fuck up some High Priests of Ares?"


    The General took a terrified step back when Marie turned to me, all rigidity gone from her posture, four hundred years of frustrated vengeance for the near-genocide of her and her sisters distilling itself into a single word.


    "YES!"

 Day Two Hundred And Fifty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    You''d think the fucksticks would eventually learn, but no, their answer to ''it didn''t work'' always seemed to be ''do it harder then''.


    Story of my pre-Isekai sex life, that.


    The moment after she roared out, ''YES!'', Marie leapt toward the outer wall of the fortifications. I ran after her, Co-Locating to the wall where she was about to jump right over them; on the House side of the fortifications the walls were only like six feet tall, tops. Between some hefty landscape engineering including a dry moat filled with irregular rocks guaranteed to fuck with somebody''s footing, the outside was maybe thirty feet tall, with eighty percent of it backed up by all the fuckin'' dirt in the world.


    That left like a fifteen foot drop from the top of the wall to ground level outside the moat. Marie didn''t even slow down; she''d dropped to all fours, and despite my duBois honed sprinting, I could barely keep up with her by Translocating along side of her as fast as I could. Inside my head I called out, you watching this, Boss?


    As it did so often lately, the rustling of paper accompanied Loki''s response, with great anticipation and delight, Champion.


    Weird thing. The last three times I''d gone into a fight, at least a real one, I''d been so pissed I couldn''t think straight. I just fucked shit up. This time? I was pumped for the fight, yeah, but these assholes hadn''t just killed my kid, or my wife, or raped my friend. Oh, I had absolutely zero fucks to give about what happened to them, since they''d been given the option of coming in out of the literal cold and turned it down, killing the messenger in at least one case. But I wasn''t a raging ball of death.


    I''d already Co-Located once to keep up with Marie; I did so again with the lead me, the one Translocating in an attempt to keep up with a sprinting Tiger. In the gathering gloom I saw eight hulking figures between us and the spots where the Fire Bolts had come from. They had their backs to the tree line, although it wasn''t so much ''tree line'' this close to Lancaster House as it was ''carefully engineered tree farm'', with trees in straight rows and columns. Because of course the Lancasters would plant trees like that. The moment I saw a tree big enough looming in the distance, I Translocated the me back by the General to the top of it.


    I realized right then that Marie hadn''t gone straight at the eight big guys. Instead, she''d angled to place herself between them and the fortifications, right where they absolutely could not miss her. I Co-Located myself again, then had to slide all four of me to a stop as Marie stopped dead in her tracks, turned to face the Rogue Calverton Heroes, and roared.


    I''d heard Marie roar before. Well, I thought I had. On the Equinox, she''d let out that motorcycle revving noise that a big cat makes to tell you ''I am the apex predator, and I will absolutely kill and eat you if you get in my way''. This... wasn''t that. This was different. Louder. More focused. This wasn''t a question of asserting dominance. This was four hundred years of humiliation and denied rage given sonic form. The me at the top of the tree wasn''t even quite in the line of fire, and I still almost fell out of it as my grip went slack and all my sphincters either clenched or said ''no, no, drop off all waste now, we need to run away faster!''


    The eight big guys crouched, bracing one foot behind themselves, putting their shields up and hiding behind them. The eight dudes I''d picked out standing behind them, using the trees as really shitty cover? One of them toppled to the ground, clutching at his chest. DRT, motherfucker.


    Still. Two versus fifteen looked way too much like a fair fight. Fuck fighting fair and fuck these guys in particular. The four of me backing Marie up stepped behind the line of Mages, Co-Locating to eight of me as I did. At the same time the me in the tree fell back on my first real fighting trick. I dropped a massive Filtration Ward centered on my tree, blocking all light. In wireframe I leapt to the Mages, Mana Blades sliding out of my wrists as I did so.


    Of course the fuckers had Mana Wards up, my Mana Blades sliding off them.


    Fuck it. The one extra me used Mana Blades to quarter the dead guy on the ground, and four of me stepped to him, grabbed up his limbs, and stepped right beside two of the Mana Warded guys. Now, I have definitely been angry enough many times to beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker, but this time anger didn''t enter into it, just cold, calculated malice. I didn''t bother swinging at their faces. or anyplace else the might catch a break. I hammered their knees from the front and their ankles from behind. One guy toppled, barely getting his arms in front of his face in time to keep his face more or less intact. The other dude wasn''t so lucky; one of his knees snapped backwards, and his hands were too busy grabbing at it to protect his face when it hit the ground. The two of me holding the dead guy''s arms threw them at another pair of Wizards, then Translocated out into the tree farm, while the other two kept taking two-handed swings at the assholes on the ground using the legs of their departed buddy.


    While I''d been playing pattycake with the Mages, the High Priests of Arse decided to make a whole ring of themselves, their spear tips glowing with a faint red witchlight, like they''d just been pulled from a forge. It gave them maybe six feet of visibility at most.


    It also showed the tiger-woman hunting them exactly where they were, just in case she hadn''t known already. I watched in wireframe as she leapt over the Priests facing her, landing noiselessly in the middle of their circle. Her hands speared out in front of her, and the sound of rending metal filled the darkness. Six of the Priests spun, shields up, spears stabbing into the middle of their circle. The other two? Their bodies dropped bonelessly to the ground, and Marie silently launched herself out of the gap they left, steamrolling the poor Mage who''d been standing in her path. In half a heartbeat, she flung the decapitated heads of two Priests at the nearest pair of Mages, although ''flung'' didn''t really do justice to something the size and weight of a bowling ball thrown hard enough to describe a flat arc right into the chests of those poor motherfuckers. One of them went down, clutching at his chest and moaning. The other didn''t even do that, as the impact threw him straight back into a broken-off branch in the tree behind him hard enough to provide a handy dandy hatrack for the helmet that killed him.


    Of course, I am not slow when it comes to someone giving me a hint about wreaking havoc. All four of me leapt behind the four Priests furthest from Marie, reaching around and sliding their backup swords free and throwing them toward the Mages. As those four tried to spin fast enough to hit me, I Translocated away, one of me landing where each of those swords had landed.


    Meanwhile four of those poor dumb motherfuckers nominated themselves for Darwin Awards by turning their backs on Marie. She leapt back over the two decapitated bastards, her whole body low to the ground as she grabbed two more Priests by the ankles, her shoulders taking them in the backs of the knees. Her momentum carried all three of them well outside the Priests'' ring; she leapt, carrying the pair of Priests into the air with her. They flailed, trying to hit her while being yoinked along by their ankles. Somehow telling things like ''momentum'' to fuck off and bother the Priests instead, she came to a complete stop when her feet hit the ground. Physics, pissed at Marie''s blatant disrespect, did what seemed natural in this world and took it out on the two nearest targets. Namely the knees of the two bastards whose ankles she lifted, then cracked like goddamned whips.


    Four of me picked up those fucking Cold Iron short swords I''d liberated, tossed them near the two upright Mages. Just as they gathered Mana in front of themselves, Fire Bolts forming just inside their Mana Wards, waiting for a target to drop their Wards and light me up. Of course, while their heads were on a swivel, their Fire Bolts tracking along with their gaze, those same Fire Bolts served to highlight them way more than they illuminated the four of me who leapt behind them, picked up the Cold Iron swords, and stabbed each of them in the back of the neck and square in the middle of their ass. Their Mana Wards dropped when the Cold Iron hit them. Their Fire Bolts might have gone any which way if I hadn''t spared the time to keep them aimed right where they had been when the Mages died.


    Two really impressive Fire Bolts tore their way into the back of the four remaining Priests, who''d formed a line facing Marie. I got big sad when for all the fireworks, it didn''t do much but light one guy''s hair on fire. Motherfucker had his priorities straight, and ignored his own head being on fire to keep his spear and shield pointed in the same general direction as they''d heard Marie rip the lower legs off two of their buddies. I saw them set themselves, realized what they were about to do, and jumped in behind two of them, stealing their backup swords, tossing them as I Translocated away from desultory retaliatory kicks. A moment later the four upright Priests charged forward, shields up, spears out, doing a hell of an impression of a cavalry charge for all that they didn''t have horses.


    Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.


    For half a moment, I worried Marie hadn''t seen them lining up, as she seemed to be more interested in unzipping her latest victims'' armor in spots where there weren''t zippers, using nothing but her claws. With the Priests halfway to her, she punched her hands down toward the two downed Priests'' left hands. When she spun to her feet, she had their shields, one in each hand. Instead of bracing herself, she leapt at them, roaring. Their spears sunk home into her shields. For a moment she hung there, suspended eight feet off the ground by four spears that had punched straight through the shields she''d liberated. Then she roared again, and somehow I knew without any need for Blend shenanigans that her roar translated almost exactly to ''oh, you done fucked up, A A Ron.'' She somersaulted forward in midair, twisting and, right before her feet hit the ground, throwing the shields away; despite two spears in each of them making them way less aerodynamic than they normally would be, they flew away overhead and landed somewhere out in west bumblefuck. Okay, I have no idea where they landed, because midway through they punched through my Light Ward, dropping it for a second before I put that shit back up.


    I couldn''t help it, the me in the tree tossed up a Public Address mode Message Spell and, after cackling for a solid five seconds, during which Marie leapt back, grabbed an upright Priest''s shield by the simple expedient of ramming all five of her claws straight through it, leapt away dragging him behind her, then grabbed him by the collar and twisted his arm until it came loose from his shoulder. The moment it did, she threw it away, grabbed his other arm and did the same thing. As I got my laughing under control, I realized where Carruthers might have learned his leg trick from. Not his fault that he''s at least a foot shorter and way less gifted at mayhem than Marie, because before dislocating his hip? She ducked under a wild attempted headbutt, grabbed his ankle in one hand, his thigh in the other, set her foot on his knee and heaved. Right as she did it again with his other leg, I managed to use my Message spell for something other than laughing at the poor bastards who''d become High Priests of Arse-boy just in time to meet up with the engine of destruction that was Marie Unleashed.


    "Just in case your boss Arse isn''t listening right now, do me a favor and tell him that when I''m ready to come for him? He''s gonna wish Marie had caught him."


    I tossed my Cold Iron swords down next to four of the five Mage casualties and neutralized the living fuck out of the backs of their skulls. Then those four of me stepped silently behind the three Priests, far enough they wouldn''t hear the snow crunch under my feet, close enough to hear one of them say, "Marie? Maenad fucking Marie?"


    Another one said, "Leonidas said he killed her!"


    The third one growled out, "when we see him in the Elysian Fields, you two hold him down while I kick him in the nuts."


    The guy who claimed Leonidas killed Marie shouted, "yeah, in like ten minutes when we''re there. Fuck this, I''m going down doing what we were ordered to and kill a bunch of that cannon fodder." He spun, took two steps, and ran into a sudden pair of Mana Blades at eye level. Always wanted to use Moe Fu to take somebody out like that. Bucket list item checked off.


    The other two spun to face in the direction of the flash of light from my Mana Blades, but I''d extinguished them the moment tweedle-dumbest went limp. A moment later I faced a single Priest as his buddy got yoinked off his feet almost noiselessly. Marie had grabbed both of his ankles and leapt toward the trees. I had to hop to another tree as she landed five feet beyond the one I''d perched in, the dude''s feet in her hands. The rest of him wrapped around the tree, looking like the really bad kind of auto accident where subcompact car meets telephone pole at eighty miles an hour. As the tree itself toppled, she stood, looked at his feet, shook her head, and tossed them away.


    Meanwhile his buddy, the last Priest standing, muttered something and his shield started to shine with that same ruddy glow their spears had. Smoke rose from it, but he didn''t seem to care. Four of me stood between him and the fortification side of the Light Ward. All four of me smiled at him from well outside his reach. He just stared at me, hatred burning in his eyes. "What''s the matter, Arse Priest? God of Holes left you high and dry? Not even gonna go out in a blaze of Glory trying to get at least one of me?"


    He spun, releasing his shield just as he completed his pirouette, flinging it edge-on toward me. The me in front of it jumped straight backward, catching it on my forearms. It hurt like a bitch when it cut through them, even more when it dug into my chest, but my weight proved just a little too much for what he''d intended. Instead of embedding twenty odd pounds of superheated Cold Iron into ostensibly flammable things like our Volunteers, instead it slammed edge on into me as I hit the outer wall of the fortifications. I kinda slumped back into myself. The pain from that pair of hits stung, but not nearly as much as one of me dying.


    I stepped down from my perch and said, "your attack was not very effective." One of me bent over and scooped up some snow, packing it into a round ball as his growl got louder and louder, building into a war cry. Just as he opened his mouth to scream something, I threw my snowball right into his face and called out, "Marie! I choose you!" She reached out and almost delicately wrapped a hand around his neck, forcing him to kneel with one of her feet behind his knee. She reached out with her other hand and foot and, as he struggled futilely, ripped his arm off at the elbow. As he screamed, she did the same with his other arm, then flipped him over and did the same with his leg. Over the course of maybe a minute, she ripped his limbs off half a limb at a time, taking her time with it.


    As the inhumanly tough bastard lay there limbless and panting for breath, I muttered, "Marie used Sparagmos! It''s super effective!" Then she loomed over what remained of him, let him watch her pull back one hand, then drove that hand stiff-fingered through his neck from front to back. As his head rolled away, she pulled back again and rammed her damn clawed hand right through his breastplate, coming back with a heart-shaped lump of meat, which still kinda twitched a little bit. Then she let out another roar, this one way more an announcement that finding out had happened, a victory cry that knocked the snow off the fucking branches as far as I could see in the tree farm. As she lifted the last dude''s heart to her mouth, I called out, "Marie!"


    She paused and looked at me, raising one eyebrow eloquently.


    "Don''t eat that."


    Her head tilted. "Why?"


    "You don''t know where it''s been. I mean, I get it, total badass move, but... ew. If you''re gonna eat a heart, at least eat one that isn''t tainted with Arse."


    She sighed, shook her head, and clenched her fist. Shredded meat and blood ran down her arm, and she took a pace toward the nearest insufficiently dismembered corpse.


    I stepped all of me into one standing beside her. "Sorry, Marie. You can when we get back, but right now I think we need your particular brand of mayhem elsewhere." When she looked at me, I said, "these dude''s buddies. They aren''t High Priests of Arse, but they''re definitely in league with him." She shrugged, shot me a crooked grin, and held out one gore covered hand.


    I stepped us both to the northwest farm, where Angel and four Calverton Heroes held the courtyard against six rogues. Marie didn''t hesitate. One second a fight was happening, the next limbs flew in every direction. I stepped beyond the line to see another block of Calverton Heroes surrounding a half dozen of their number who''d been a little bit perforated by arrows; Bill and Raven knelt over them, the flickering light of Stabilizes and Heals emanating from them.


    I stepped four of me behind the double line of Rogue archers pelting the Calverton guys with arrows. I dropped four with knuckle-duster Mana Blades to the backs of their knees; when the other two in the back line turned on me, I rose to face them, only to have one of the two stumble backwards, his eye spurting fluids everywhere. I figured out why when I saw the guy in front of him topple forward with a crossbow bolt sticking out the back of his head. The final guy from the back row spun to face the new threat. That made me feel some kinda way, so each of me shivved him a couple times. Neck, face, gut, spine, all good spots, so I hit them all. The other five guys finally turned, and four of me stepped behind them and snapped off a series of Mana-Blade enhanced punches, perforating them from the backs of their knees to the napes of their necks.


    They dropped like puppets with their strings cut, giving me a perfect view of Bonnie hitting the final asshole with a right to the face. Well, right through his face, really, and when her matte black right hand hammered through the soft tissue on the outside, through the bone, and into the soft tissue where he kept unused things like his frontal lobes, the noises were unpleasantly... wet.


    "Welcome back, Commander!" I swear to God, she''s the first person I''ve ever heard being perky on a battlefield. Let alone with grey matter glooping off her hand to the ground.


    "No time!" I grabbed her, stepped her to the little triage area to leave her with Bill and Raven as I called out, "I''ll be back!" I grabbed one of Marie''s gore-soaked claws and stepped us both to the northern farmstead. This time our guys were clearly winning, and as I watched Lachlan blocking a hail of point blank arrows with an Air Shield in his left hand right before he brought down what should have been a two-handed sword and clove right through one of the remaining archers from crown to crotch. Marie didn''t bother asking, she just leapt forward, leaving dismembered corpses in her wake. When the last one fell, I called out, "Lachlan! Fred! To me!" We linked hands, Fred grabbing Lachlan''s rather than Marie''s. No idea why. Blood washes off. So do brain matter and assorted bowel contents.


    A moment later we stood in the courtyard of the western farmstead. As we got there, I heard the non-sound of Slayer''s blade flicker, then normal not-really-silent silence reigned. A few seconds later, I made out the sizzle of burning flesh and the slow, steady drip of someone bleeding out. I stepped out into the snow, looking out at a wireframe field of the fallen. Okay, about a dozen and a half were on their knees, not in positions of supplication, but in that ''barely upright, because exhausted'' pose I knew way too well from having been in it, briefly, before passing out. On multiple occasions.


    Larry spun when my foot crunched in the snow, hooking Slayer to his waist as he did. Right about then the guy he''d de-headed, because it''s not ''beheading'' if there''s no head left to roll around, crumpled to the ground in a clatter of armor and weapons.


    Of course Larry had to choose that exact moment to remind me, that despite having become a productive member of what passed for society and being my friend Bonnie''s favorite mount, he was still fuckin'' Larry Lancaster.


    "Commander. What kept you?"

 Day Two Hundred And Fifty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    Some day. Maybe not soon, but some day, I want to have a ''conglaturations, a winner is you!'' moment without, y''know, someone immediately catching me between the legs with a hockey stick.


    So, once we''d finished off the last of the formerly Calverton turned Rogue Hero holdouts, I shuttled everybody back to Lancaster House. Somewhere in the middle of settling everyone in for the night, Saffron showed up and more or less collapsed into my arms. Nothing damaging, but she looked more than a little underfed, so instead of heading to bed we took a pit stop at the dining room. The menu was unexpectedly fluid, and I mean that in the ''everything needed a spoon to eat it'' sense. Unusual for Lancaster House, but not unwelcome, what with me having to spoon feed Saffron while she sat there half-asleep. After I''d gotten about three spoonsful into her, Raven showed up behind me.


    "Commander?"


    I blinked away a little fatigue; I''d fought a pretty hectic battle after a really long, boring, exhausting day, so I wasn''t all that much better off than Saffron. "Whatcha need?"


    "Could you please come collect your daughter?" I half turned to look at her and after blinking a bit to really grok what I was looking at, realized that she had blood all over her hands and clothes. Apparently the Calverton Heroes she and Bill had been working on when I arrived had really needed the help.


    Of course, it took me another moment or two to remember why I''d need to collect Isnomi. When I did I barked out a laugh, then said, "sure thing. Can you look after Saffron, maybe get another couple spoonsful into her while I''m freeing up your bedroom? Also, I dunno if the smaller suites have bathtubs, but if not you''re welcome to use ours; the bigger suites each have one."


    She tilted her head in that sort of fatigued, ''head too heavy'' way and said, "lemme think about it. The tub. I''ll watch over her while you corral your Menace."


    I stood up, held Saffron upright until Raven got hands on her, then stepped to Raven''s bedroom. I barely had room to stand; the room was wall-to-wall kids, all of them eerily silent for, y''know, little kids. "Hey, Menace. Everybody okay in here?"


    She half turned to look at me from where she crouched just inside of the door. "Ewabody thay?"


    I held out my arms, "yeah, everybody''s safe. You did good, kiddo." The next moment not only were my arms full of Menace, the whole roomful of kids descended on me cheering. I''m not sure half of them knew what they were cheering about, but it still felt pretty good. I dispensed hugs and tousled heads as the kids moved around me in a kind of Brownian motion. Once I''d gotten moderately certain any kid who wanted some physical contact got some, and before I could get too tired out and get cranky my own self, I called out, "okay, kids, time to head out for dinner!"


    The menace jumped from my arms and scampered for the door, jumping up and grabbing the handle without slowing down. Her weight really wasn''t enough to open it, but she managed to turn the handle to unlatch it, at which point the crowd of kids managed to heave it open then flooded out the door. I stepped down to the dining room, at least as much to catch any kids who tried leaping off the balcony as a shortcut as to get back to Saffron. Luckily, the menace decided not to play ''lead lemming'', instead leading the kids to slide down the bannister instead.


    I had to step down to the entryway to catch Liam, because of course I did. Once the thundering herd all made it into the dining room, I stepped back to Saffron and told Raven, "your room''s all clear. Sorry about that; I wasn''t sure if the menace knew where anybody''s room was but ours, and ours is a little, y''know, open, what with there being two ways into the bedroom."


    She stood up from where she''d been feeding Saffron, letting me take her place, before saying, "you didn''t think to have her just guard the entry door to the suite?"


    I''m glad I can pretty much handle food movement on automatic, because I just sat there with my mouth hanging open, hand mechanically spooning soup into half-asleep Saffron while Raven walked away laughing.


    "Whassat about defending doors?" Saffron muttered in between mouthfuls of stew.


    I shrugged. "Mostly I wanted the kids out of the way, but I realized an attack was headed to Lancaster House, so I told her to get all the kids in a room with one door, and told her to end anything that tried to get through the door."


    That got her to wake up a little, although I''d still put her at less than fully awake. "What if you''d been injured? Or more likely given your track record, knocked unconscious for a few days?"


    I shrugged. "Then you, or Loki, or maybe the Marshall would have to go give her the all-clear. You don''t seem to be all that upset about me using her as a door guard."


    Now it was her turn to shrug back at me. "You put them in the most defensible location you could, and given who and what she''s gone up against in the past, she certainly made a better defender than any of the other children would have." Possibly a better defender than most of the Heroes hereabouts.


    Your lovely wife is not wrong, Champion. Few Heroes would fare well against a Primordial, especially one wearing such an unassuming, adorable seeming.


    That boggled me a moment. Are you telling me she doesn''t actually look like that? By the look on her face, Saffron wondered the same thing.


    Oh, she does. Or, rather, she did or will have? While I don''t believe I''ve seen her take on the guise of something other than herself unless she was, for lack of a better term, ''playing dress up'', I find it hard to believe you haven''t realized; she alters her apparent age to suit her needs of the moment.


    I leaned over and bonked my forehead against Saffron''s. We''re gonna need to have all ''the talks'' with her earlier than not, aren''t we?


    Saffron just shrugged. At the moment, she seems content to befriend children her own mental age, or reasonably close to it. But... She sighed, the gesture rubbing her forehead against mine. Yes, we absolutely will. Thank you, Loki.


    Yeah, thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    At that point Larry said, "Commander?"


    Blinking away some tired muzzy, letting Saffron take the spoon out of my hand, I said, "what''s up, Larry?"


    While I savored the stew she filled my mouth with a moment later, Larry said, "I was wondering if you could do me a favor. Or, really, do Lancaster a favor." When I made a ''go on'' gesture since Saffron had decided to fill my mouth again when I opened it, he smiled, fended off Bonnie''s attempt to feed him, and said, "The New Year''s celebration Tyrsday. Traditionally, Lancaster House hosts a few visitors from each farmstead and village. As many as can make the trip, really. Any chance you could visit each of the farmsteads tomorrow and bring back any who wish to come?"


    I looked down at Saffron, who frowned. I turned back to Larry. "I wish I could, but I think they need me in New Amsterdam. People dying to plague take precedence over those trying to make it to a holiday celebration." I smiled to try and take the edge off my words. "Not like you don''t have plenty of guests already."


    He smiled and nodded. "You''re not wrong. Were I a better Healer, I would join you. As it is, I suspect ferrying any Healers currently in residence here, whether from Lancaster or Calverton, would probably make the most sense."


    I nodded. "Yeah. Thanks, Larry. God knows I could really use a celebration of some kind, but there''s still one last battle to be fought, and it''s not one we can win with Blades."


    High Priestess?


    Yeah, Boss?


    Please inform Laurence that I would be glad to bring a few people from any household that desires some of their number to be present for the Equinox celebrations.


    This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    Holy crap, Boss. Thanks! You''re the best.


    I know.


    "Hey Larry?"


    "Yes, Commander?"


    "I just got the news, but Loki says he''ll bring a few people from each household here to Lancaster House for the celebration."


    That popped more than one set of eyes open wide. When he''d swallowed the latest spoonful Bonnie had put in his mouth, he bowed his head. "Thank you, Patron. I will not forget this; should your Patron ever have need of me or mine, we will gladly return the favor."


    "I''ll let him know." I turned to Saffron. "You still hungry?" When she shook her head, I looked around, made sure Marie was back in her accustomed place and said, "the Imperator and I are gonna go hit the hay. Morning comes early, and we''ve got to get Curing. Marie? Can you look after the Menace here?"


    "Yes."


    "Thanks, love." I fell backwards, my arm around Saffron, and both of us landed on our mattress. A moment later our clothes lay next to the bed. Neither of us had the oomph to move the sheets or blankets, so we just snuggled up to one another and passed out right then and there.


    Mimic dreamt once more of moss.


    Saffron and I woke up covered in blankets and kids. I nudged Marie awake, and the moment her eyes slid open, I asked, "can you handle the kids today? I really want to get this fucking plague ended before anything else crops up to slow us down. I do not want to have it lingering for years."


    She reached out, lay a hand along the side of my face, and head bunted me. "Yes."


    "Thanks, Marie." I woke Saffron, and we both watched her go through her whole wake-up routine. Marie had the same kind of smile I could feel on my own face. "Time to get up and head out, Kitten."


    After groaning out her lack of enthusiasm, Saffron climbed to her feet. I kip-upped and put my arms around her, nodding to Marie to do the same. We stood there for a minute, just holding one another. About halfway through our moment of silent contact, the menace''s arms went around our legs. "You gad di."


    "We do indeed, my girl." A moment later I wore The Dress, Saffron stood clothed in Glowing Midnight, and after hugs and kisses Saffron stepped us to Drivers''. "Mrs. Driver? One extra breakfast if you could?"


    Mama Driver came out from the kitchen carrying an armload of crepes wrapped in paper. When she saw me, she asked, "it''s over? The Calverton thing?"


    I nodded, a sigh I hadn''t realized I''d been holding in escaping. "Yeah. Without a war, even. Just had to take care of some folks from Calverton who decided to go rogue."


    She nodded, stepped close enough for Saffron to reach out to her, and then we stood in the building with the big old rock. Saffron turned to Mrs. Driver and said, "as soon as we''re done eating, Tabitha and I will have to head out to help with the Curing efforts. Can you and George keep Ophelia in line today?"


    "Sure we can, sweetie. General Lancaster maybe not, but he''ll be with you, won''t he?" At Saffron''s nod, Mama Driver continued, "there you go then. We''ll keep things moving that need one of us to keep moving, but if Ophelia gets some kind of royal snit up her ass, I''ll just sit on her."


    As has been previously noted, while Mama Driver is smaller than her husband, maybe even ''petite'' compared to him, Papa Driver is a seven foot cube of mostly muscle. Mama Driver was, as the song goes, a Brick House. If she sat on somebody, their biggest worry wouldn''t be propriety, it would be continued respiration.


    George walked in right around then, and Mama Driver handed over a couple crepes. We all ate in silence for a few minutes. Just as Saffron and I were licking our fingers clean and about to take our leave...


    George coughed.


    Call me paranoid, but as a kind of kneejerk reaction I extruded an Assess Health.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(126, 140, 141, 1); border-style: solid" border="1">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Assessment For:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">George ''Georgie'' Papadopoulos</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Target Type:</td>


    <td>Humanoid Biped (Human)</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">General Health:</td>


    <td>Impaired</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Conditions:</td>


    <td>Diseased</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Disease:</td>


    <td>341 AF Pandemic, 341 AF Pandemic, Prime Variant


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">341 AF Pandemic:</td>


    <td>Asymptomatic, Immune, Non-Infectious</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">341 AF Pandemic, Prime Variant:</td>


    <td>Symptomatic, Infectious</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Granular Assessment Data:</td>


    <td>Activate: ( Y / N )</td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    "GOD DAMMIT!"


    George cowered. At the same time, Loki''s voice sounded in my head. Daughter?


    He could hear me just fine out loud. "The fucking plague has mutated."


    The others in the room looked at me. Saffron glanced at the doors to the building, where the guards had opened the doors to look inside. At her pointed finger, they nodded and closed the doors. "What does that mean, Tabitha?"


    It was all I could do to keep myself from screaming. "It means it''s changed enough that there''s a new version that can infect and kill people who survived the old version and become immune to it."


    Then I looked at her, really looked, and saw the tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "So all our labor... has been for nothing?"


    The fury I''d been holding back since I destroyed Apollo''s bow smoked and glowed deep inside. "No. No, no, no, NO!" I punched the fucking rock, and despite the awful crunching sound, my hand remained perniciously unbroken. A new crack ran up the side of the rock, though. Mama Driver backed away from me. I took a deep breath. "No." My mind raced, and I started barking out orders. "Let Phileo and Lancaster know. Help Lancaster get the Healers spread around Lancaster, and get the Volunteers in Phileo to pass the news that a new Plague has hit us; I don''t think we''ll need a quarantine, since the weather has kept most people from travelling between the Phileo area and the New Amsterdam area. Just let the folks in Phileo know that if anyone feels ill, everyone in the household needs to get to the nearest Healers, whether that''s the Temples, the local Priests, or the Academy."


    Saffron had been nodding at each of my commands. Now she asked, "What of New Amsterdam and Newark?"


    I took a deep breath. I could do this. I would do this. I thought about the shape of New York City and the surrounding boroughs. "Get the Volunteers to spread the word and help where needed, but I need everyone in the New Amsterdam area to get to a point where they can see the southern horizon at Noon tomorrow. Tell them, force them, lie to them if you have to, but get them there."


    Saffron nodded. "I will see it done. Where will you be?"


    I held up a hand for patience, then closed my eyes, flaring my nostrils, focusing on the Mana inside me, inside Mimic. A trail, faint but persistent, led eastward. Barely there, but enough to Scry. Enough to Translocate. "I''m going to have a talk with the fuck stick that started this shit."


    Before anyone could say anything, I stepped to the top of the big slab of rock, Created Water in a hollow, Shaped a Scry tied to that faint trace, and Translocated, my hand coming down as I did. "Good morning, sunny boy. You and me need to have a talk." Before he or his sister could react, I Translocated us both to my son''s Workshop. "Son! Secure your Workshop, please?"


    A moment later Conrad stood behind Apollo, a genuine smile even scarier than his fake ones on his face. "Mother dear! Have you brought me a gift?"


    Apollo tried to puff up, tilting his head back to look down his nose at me. "I know not how you maimed my sister, nor how you destroyed my bow, but I am a God, and there is naught you nor your insignificant spawn can do to threaten me!"


    Conrad''s mismatched hands slipped onto Apollo''s shoulders, and he leaned forward to whisper in his ear. "Are you absolutely sure about that?"


    I gotta say, he might be adopted, but given our propensity for making assholes piss themselves in terror, we might as well be blood relations. "Y''know, I''m tempted to just tell him yes and let him make a desk lamp out of your sorry ass, but I''m trying to be a little less impulsive, a little more mature even. So you get exactly one chance. You do what I tell you, when I tell you, how I tell you, and keep doing it until I tell you to stop, and if you manage to unfuck enough of what you fucked up, I''ll have to find my son something else as a New Year''s gift." I looked at Conrad. "Does that sound fair?"


    He pouted a little, but even I could tell it was an act. "Loath though I am to admit it, it does, mother dearest."


    "You ready to listen, sunny boy?"


    Apollo opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He nodded, swallowed, and whispered hoarsely, "what do you demand of me?"


    I smiled, knowing it didn''t reach anywhere near my eyes. "You''re a God of Healing, yes?" He nodded. "So you can Cure diseases as well as you spread them, yes?" Another nod. "Okay then. Here''s the deal. I''m gonna Cure everybody I can reach in New Amsterdam and Newark. You are gonna go through and Cure anybody I miss. You''re then gonna Cure everyone in Phileo City, everyone in Camden Yards, and everybody in Lancaster. Got it?"


    "Cure them of what?"


    I reached out, grabbed his full attention, and squeezed. Maybe not with the same kind of rage I''d felt when I cracked the Council''s stone. Maybe not. His eyes bulged out. "Everything. If anybody in anyplace I''ve mentioned is still sick by the end of New Years?" I nodded to Conrad. "You''re his. If you try to weasel out and run, you''re his. If you spread any new Diseases or do anything to harm anyone, you''re his. If you so much as think of stepping into Metaphoric Space?" When he made a kind of questioning noise, I said, "you will wish you were his."


    "How am I to reach all these places?"


    I looked at Conrad. "Can you help him to get where he needs to go? And keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn''t try to rabbit?" I looked Apollo straight in the eyes as I said, "and, if he fails to adhere to what I''ve said to your complete satisfaction, make sure whatever''s left of him regrets it for as long as the sun burns in the sky?"


    His mismatched hands massaging Apollo''s shoulders, somehow turning the normally comforting gesture into an assessment of his potential as a canvas, The Smith smiled at me and said, "I would be delighted to, Mother dearest."

 Day Two Hundred And Fifty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    ...


    After leaving Apollo with Conrad, I stepped to Loki''s cave. "Hey, Boss?"


    He and Sigyn both turned to look at me. "Yes, Tabitha?"


    "I''ve got a little bit before I need to do my part in this, but I''m gonna need to Shape an absolute shitfuckton of Mana. Can you make sure I''m not going to fall apart when I do?"


    He waved me forward, then said, "disrobe and drop your Blend, please." I stepped to him, stripping out of everything as I did. He nodded to Sigyn, who one handed their table in front of Loki. He picked me up and lay me face down on the table. It should have been cold as fuck, but the rage inside me burned so hot I didn''t feel it. His hands danced over my back, pulling and pushing at things that weren''t really there. Or, rather, parts of me that existed outside my skin. I just lay there, eyes closed, letting him work, thinking through what I needed to do.


    "Roll over." He helped me as I did, and then he went to work on my front. I''d stressed some things doing what I did for the Calverton Army at Lancaster House, and what I had planned for Noon was so, so much worse. Bigger. Harder.


    Time goes by weirdly in Loki''s cave. It seemed like forever and only a few moments when he sighed and said, "I have done what I can." He gestured, and that same part of me he''d been manipulating got squeezed, not by hands, but by something like an ace bandage. "I suppose it would be pointless to tell you to rest for a few days. Weeks. Months?"


    I shook my head as I rolled off the table onto my feet, popping The Dress and her boots on as I did. "Sorry, Boss." How long until they''re all facing the southern horizon, Kitten?


    You gave us until Noon. So we''re still an hour from your deadline.


    I sighed. Yeah. I get that. I''m at Loki''s, getting some last second Mana realignment done.


    Ah. So you''ve an hour to spend on any additional preparations.


    Yeah. Only one or two I need to do. Can you give me a ten second countdown?


    As you wish it, my Goddess.


    I turned to Loki, stepped up to the table, and put my arms around him. "Thanks, Dad."


    Moving slowly and gently, which I appreciated since Dad or not he was still a twenty foot tall Jotnar Elder God, he put his arms around me. "Any time you should need me, I will be here for you."


    Something deep inside flickered, something I hadn''t felt for years. Not since my mom died. "Tell me you''re proud of me?"


    "My dearest daughter, I am proud of you, and have been since long before I called you daughter."


    I sucked in a double lungful of air, let it out slowly. "Thanks, Dad."


    I stepped away, only to get mashed into Sigyn''s chest. "Know that I am proud of you as well, Tabitha Lokisdotter."


    When she let me loose to breathe, I smiled up at her. "Thanks, Mom." I nodded to her, nodded to Loki, shoved my Blend back up to normal, then said, "gotta go."


    With that I stepped to Newark. In Metaphoric Space. Atop one of the buildings, a place I''d massacred a Mage who had the audacity to Mana Shield himself and hide. Even four stories over the street level, warm, fuzzy darkness surrounded me. I leaned into it, letting it flow around me, into me, through me. Through it I felt the Metaphoric version of the City beneath me, and its bigger sister across the river. I also felt something... wrong. I had no idea what, but I had a direction. I leapt forward streets at a time, to wherever the fuzzy darkness told me the next rooftop lay. Before long I knew I''d crossed the river, although I wasn''t sure if I was in Manhattan or Brooklyn or Long Island. But what I could feel? Whatever it was hung in the sky directly above me.


    Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.


    No time like the present for the first part of what I needed to do. I stepped out into the bay. Part of me tried to remember the name of the bay, but most of me tried to ignore the fact that I should have been falling, but instead hung suspended in a sea of warm, fuzzy darkness.


    MIMIC (Size)


    At first I wasn''t sure if it had worked; I felt warm darkness rushing around me, maybe a little more rushing down on my head and up my legs, but...


    Then my head broke free of the top of the sea of roiling, fuzzy darkness. Or, really, pushed its way out of the endless mass of redwood thick, pitch black, semi-corporeal tentacles. I kept growing, kept rising out of the mass, until finally I stopped; I''d hit the limits of what I could mimic, I guess, because while the endless writhing mass of darkness only came up to mid-ankle on me? From my current vantage point it covered everything to the mountains north, west, and south of me. Easily all of what I still thought of as ''New Jersey'', plus at least half of Pennsylvania, and a good chunk of Delaware, Maryland, and upstate New York as well. Not sure exactly how far out to sea she stretched, because, y''know, the coastline? Not really visible underneath a mile of Mimic.


    Of course, I still felt that very clear ''not Mimic'', only now I could see it. Something managing to hover more or less directly over the center of New Amsterdam. I''d say ''something huge'', because though my sense of scale was kinda fucked right now? I still got the impression it was bigger than the Dragon I''d fought. Setting aside my next step for a moment, I stepped forward, kneeling to reach whatever it was. I''m not sure why it didn''t notice me, although I sure as shit noticed how it was suctioning up... something... from the darkened lands beneath it. As I got closer, I got a better look at it; it had one leg dangling free beneath it, one arm grabbing at the whatever-it-was and yoinking it toward its gaping maw, and one wing somehow keeping it airborne and hovering. Guess in Metaphoric Space having ''wing'' is just as good as ''wings''. The moment my hand closed around it, it tried to dart away, but I brought my other hand around and slammed them together.


    The moment it realized I had it trapped, it grew. Not a patch on how big I was, but... big. Like, hamster sized in relation to me, but still ''bigger than most terrain features'' big. A voice that sure as shit sounded incongruously deep coming out of a hamster bellowed, "unhand me, Mortal! Or face the wrath of Sengann!"


    That told me all I needed to know. I stood, carrying the incarnation of Primordial Blight away from New Amsterdam. "Yeah, I don''t think so, asshole. You get exactly one chance. Leave, and never come back, or I will enjoy taking some frustrations out on you. Bitch."


    "So be it! DIE!" For what it''s worth, my hands tingled, the skin darkening. I lifted him up to eye level with me, just to get a better look at his itty bitty asshole face.


    I pulled Mana from the vast ocean of darkness lapping at my shins, dropped my Blend, and I watched that asshole face pucker before I pulled him close enough to hear me whisper, "Cure Disease." I watched as the Mana burned into him, tearing him apart.


    As his limbs dissolved in black fire, he screamed out, "Great Mother Domnu! Mercy! SAVE ME!"


    Then I slammed my palms together, grinding them against one another and pouring more Mana into the Cure Disease until flakes of ash sprinkled down over the endlessly hungering darkness beneath me.


    My Goddess? The people are ready.


    Be right there.


    I pulled Mana. More than I''d ever pulled before. It crept up my legs, the fiery tingle not unlike when Saffron used my power to manifest Mimic in the Mortal Realm. As it filled my belly, the scars on my legs itched. By the time it hit my shoulders, those scars burned. When it filled me past the eyes, I could barely make out anything beyond the pain as my scars started to... let.. go...


    I could hold no more. Mimic had more. I could pull it. But even now it writhed within me, tearing me apart, each scar a fault line, a perforation ready to tear.


    I shoved my Blend back up, trying to ignore how my furless skin tore even more easily than my un Blended fur.


    I stepped to the Mortal Realm. Took one long step back, until I could see all of New Amsterdam and Newark spread out in front of me. The roofs, the streets, the small parks, they all rippled and writhed. A sound like a million souls suddenly gasping washed across me. For a moment all I could do was hold myself together. But that wasn''t enough. I couldn''t just hold the Mana. I had to use it.


    My skin tearing as I Shaped, I tried not to scream. When I could stand it no more, I forced out words rather than profanity or incoherent screaming. "MASS CURE." The Shape formed, and I poured Mana into it. As I poured more and more Mana into it, my body collapsed in on itself. I poured everything into the shape, holding nothing back. I sure as fuck wasn''t going to count on fuckstain Apollo doing any more work than he had to, even with Conrad looking over his shoulder.


    My Mana spent, I released the Shape to do its work.


    I fell. At some point I''d thrown the Mana inherent to my Mimicked Size into the Shape as well. Air whistled past, but as I fell, gently spinning and tumbling, I caught the edges of the Cure spell washing through all of New Amsterdam and Newark, a tsunami of healing magic. I''m pretty sure it even got into the buildings; as most of them glowed for moments as the wave washed over them.


    I hit the water and everything went black.


    TABITHA!


    Love you too, Kitten.


    I really hoped she got to me in time. Because I had nothing left to give, and I really didn''t want to die underwater.


    Again.

 Day Two Hundred And Fifty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    I''m really not sure how I keep winding up like this, but if the only common thread is me, maybe it''s my fault?


    So yeah, after falling from god knows how far, I woke up in bed.


    At a guess? Two miles. No more than three.


    How in the fuck did I survive that?


    Maybe you landed head first?


    That got me, I snorted out a laugh before I even opened my eyes. Which hurt like fuck, but then, everything hurt like fuck at the moment, but at least I got a chuckle out of it. Thanks, Boss.


    Always glad to lend a hand, Champion.


    Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know it. You''re the best.


    I know.


    I hadn''t dreamt prior to waking. I don''t know what that''s a sign of, but it sure as fuck can''t be anything good. I could only remember hurting, being torn apart from the inside trying to hold as much Mana as I could. Every bit of me that had burned, had torn trying to hold all that Mana? Still hurt. Not, like actively ripping hurt, but post-rip, post-scabbing, ''don''t move you dumb fuck'' hurting.


    Despite my everything telling me not to, I opened my eyes. I looked around as much as I could without moving; we had new curtains. Thick ones, the kind that could make it pitch black even with the sun shining straight into them. The ceiling had some new decorations as well; twinkling lights that reminded me of stars. By the charcoal gray fur, Isnomi lay on my chest, fast asleep. Marie''s white made a wall to my left, and that meant the brunette curled up on my left with her head against Isnomi''s was Saffron.


    I opened my mouth and tried to say, "hey," but what came out was more of a pained whine, because even moving my mouth that much pulled at what felt like stitches along one side of my face.


    The moment I made a sound, Conrad stood up so I could see him without moving. "Mother dear? Are you awake?"


    It really said something about how beat to shit I must have been when they went to sleep that they went to sleep with, y''know, Conrad in the room. I groaned out, "mm hmm", and he bowed his head.


    "I''m sorry, Mother. I failed you."


    All I could get out was an interrogative, "hmm?"


    He heaved a sigh. Pure acting, but top shelf acting, like I''d expect from him. "Apollo. When we saw you fall, instead of doing as you said and healing, his first action upon leaving my workshop was to flee to Metaphoric Space." He shook his head, a faint smile tracing itself over his lips for a moment. "Also his last action. Local Metaphoric Space was... not healthy for him."


    I snorted out something like a laugh, and then whined at how it pulled at whatever injury ran up the right side of my face. Before I could convince myself not to, I forced out, "s''kay, son."


    He shook his head, but said, "thank you for understanding, mother. There wasn''t much left, but I made you something." He reached back behind him, I guess to something laying on the windowsill, since the curtains moved just enough to let a lance of light spear through and leave me whimpering. He held it out where I could see it without turning; a rod, maybe three foot long, about the size of a cane. A snake wrapped around the outside, its skin either leather or so masterfully crafted that it looked like leather. The snake''s head bent ninety degrees from the rest of the thing; the handle of the cane, if that''s what it was. Otherwise it was a really mean looking back end for a club. Or, worse, front end, what with, y''know, the fangs. Not viper fangs like Mister Slither, either, but shorter ones, like you''d see on a non-poisonous snake. Also, short enough that they wouldn''t snap off if I whacked somebody with it.


    I tried to lift my right arm, but trying to do so introduced me to more stripes of pain all up and down my arm, not to mention across the upper right of my chest. "Fgk."


    Marie managed to move around until she looked into my eyes, all without moving her weight off my arm. "No."


    Kitten, you awake yet?


    Mrrphrrh... TABITHA?


    Saffron shook herself awake, and I couldn''t stop myself from whining a little as she jostled me doing so. "You''re awake!"


    Yeah. Sorry, talking hurts.


    "It would, given your injuries." Her matter-of-fact tones let me know that whatever had happened, she was both relieved to find me awake and really pissed at me for something.


    What''d I do this time?


    She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "You mean other than nearly, or possibly actually killing yourself to Cure all of New Amsterdam and Newark at one go?"


    What you mean, ''actually''? I''m in pretty sad shape, but rumors of my demise have been exaggerated. Always wanted to say that.


    Her voice dropping to a whisper, she said, "your Kraken got to you before I did."


    So where is she?


    She shook her head. "They. So many." A self-deprecatory grunt of laughter forced itself from her. "I''d have been so much Kraken chow if they hadn''t recognized me. They''re... they think differently. So strange. So alien. Some of them so very old. When I found you, two of them had died to get you as whole as you are now. I couldn''t even tell if you would survive Healing, so all I could do was bring you back here and pray. I can only assume they''ve been praying as well. You..." she trailed off.


    How long was I out?


    She looked up toward Conrad and asked, "What time is it?


    Smart boy that he is, he replied, "it has been twenty three hours since Mother Cured two Cities. Give or take the several minutes you took Shaping that Mana, or the time it took you to fall afterward."


    Well... fuck. Can you guys sit me up?


    Saffron gently lifted Isnomi off of me. Of course that woke the Menace up, and she took one look at me and said, "MAMA!" before lunging for me.


    Somehow Saffron kept her from getting away, although it was a really close thing. "Momma is hurt, my girl. You have to be gentle with her. No leaping, no grabbing."


    Isnomi turned those solemn toddler eyes on her and said, "gennle," before nodding. Saffron set her on the bed, and she crawled over, careful not to touch me, until she could reach me and lay a single hand on my face.


    Saffron looked to Marie and said, "can you help her sit up, please?"


    "Yes." Before she did anything else, Marie reached over to where her uniform lay folded up on an end table I didn''t remember us owning, rummaging through the pockets until she came out with a small corked vial.


    "Marie, what is that?" Saffron asked.


    This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    Marie slid one hand under my back, balancing my head perfectly on her thumb, then lifted me into a sitting position. With me not trying to flex anything, the pain limited itself to a single long stretching, maybe tearing sensation along one side of my lower back. She pulled the cork with her teeth and upended it into my open mouth, then spat the cork out and said, "Good."


    Anise. Cinnamon. Vanilla. Some other smoky, completely sus shit that reminded me of the stairwells back at Eastside when the stoners were done with them. Also enough alcohol content to get fuckin'' Marie drunk, I''m pretty sure, and all that in something that was half a shot, at most. It washed through me, blessed numbness spreading outward from my mouth. "Fug, shezz righ. Good shit."


    "You realize we could now injure her further and not realize because she won''t feel it?" snapped Saffron. Then she put one hand over her face and said, "I''m sorry, Marie. I''m sorry, I know you wouldn''t hurt her. I''m just so worried. You... you didn''t see her there. Before things scabbed over. She..." she cut herself off with a shudder, then repeated, "I''m sorry."


    Marie, for her part, had piled pillows up and slid me until they braced me sitting more or less upright. Without the constant sensation that I was tearing myself apart, I looked around the room. Conrad still held that weird cane thing out toward me, so I waggled my hand. As carefully as Marie had been, he slid it under my hand and wrapped my fingers around it. Now that I got a look at them, the charbroil lines from when I tried to cut my fingers off with Mana Blades had been joined by a spiderweb of little cuts. All scabbed over now, and no longer burning whenever I moved, but holy shit did it look like somebody had run me through a food processor and then stuck me back together.


    I closed my hands around my new cane, and the weirdest sensation ran through my hand. Like, an eternity of itching all over the space of half a second. "Guhhhgghh. That''s so fuckin'' weird." I looked at my hand again once the feeling had passed, and some of the spiderweb of scabs had split open. No blood, though; just a matching spiderweb of scars. They still ached, like, y''know, I''d stuck my hand in a blender and hit ''puree'', but it didn''t feel like I was tearing myself apart by flexing my hand. It kinda burned, like it was not happy about moving, with the burn following the lines of scars, but I could move.


    I worked my hand to wiggle the staff so I could run my fingers across the carved surface of the snake. I still couldn''t tell if it was leather or not. I opened my mouth to ask, then thought better of it. "Thank you, son. That''s really handy."


    "I do what I can, Mother Dearest."


    I lifted the cane as best as I could with just my fingers, rubbing it against my thigh. That same thousand year itch tagged me everywhere I managed to rub it. "Fuck that''s weird."


    Saffron looked at Conrad, then back at me. She lifted my hand, and the cane dropped as she did; it just lay on my thigh doing its itchy thing. My arm hurt a little where she moved it, but Marie''s super-shot dialed it back from ''you stuck your arm in a jet turbine'' to ''you tried to give a cat a pill''. Which got me laughing almost hysterically, since in point of fact my cat had fed me medicine. Saffron worked my fingers around, asking, "does this hurt?"


    "Uh. Yeah. Ow."


    She jumped like I''d slapped her, then gently set my arm back on the cane. "I''m so sorry! I didn''t mean to.."


    "No, s''ok. Can you maybe rub that stick all over me for a bit?" Conrad shook his head, just the tiniest of jerks side to side. "Second thought," I gripped the cane as hard as I could, ignoring a the remaining stiffness and ache. "Lift my hand?" Saffron lifted my hand with both of hers, careful not to jostle the cane free. "Now, rub it all over me." She tilted her head and shrugged, then started with rubbing it along my left arm. "Gaaaggghhh..."


    She froze. "I''m sorry!"


    "Nggghhh... It''s okay. It... doesn''t hurt. Not exactly. Okay, it kinda hurts, a lot, but..." I tried to lift my left arm, at which point my left tit and the surrounding area reminded me that moving an arm requires more than just, y''know, an arm. "Oh, fuck. Ow." Instead I just flexed my arm, moving my forearm around. A few of the scabs flaked away, showing the shiny skin of new scars underneath. "Worth."


    For the next little while, Marie moved me around while Saffron gripped my hand with both of hers, rubbing Conrad''s gift as many places as it could reach while in my right hand. Without moving my right arm all that much, because the rest of it still wept from the scabs when she moved it. Isnomi spent the whole time with one or both hands on my cheeks, quietly whispering, "oh tay, Mama. You oh tay."


    Eventually, once they''d passed the thing over most of my torso and all of my legs, I said, "okay, gimme a sec, and a little room?" Saffron picked up Isnomi and stepped back. I reached over with my left hand and picked up my new cane, then ran the handle over as much of my right arm as could reach. When the torturous itching died down, I looked at Marie and said, "gimme a hand up?" Moving inch by inch, she helped me get my legs over the side of the bed, then pulled me to my feet. When I waved her back, she let go, at which point my thighs and lower back informed me that they had in no way signed off on this ''standing up'' and ''moving under my own power'' bullshit. I grit my teeth and bore it, although I might have been leaning on my new cane more than a little bit.


    "Ow." After a few seconds, that seemed like it wasn''t quite enough to describe things. "Fuckin'' ow." Conrad still stood beside the chair that had been dragged into the room. I noticed that of all four people in the room, he was the only one clothed. On the other hand, he looked about as bothered or interested as he normally did, which is to say not at fuckin'' all. "Hey, Son?"


    "Yes, Mother dear?"


    I nodded down at the cane; I wanted to hold it up, but at the moment it was holding me up, so the nod was all I could do. "That''s super handy. Do I want to know?"


    He smiled and shrugged. "As I may have implied, the materials were in a sad state by the time I acquired them; this was the best I could do."


    I nodded, forcing a smile despite the side of my face not liking the whole ''having expressions'' thing. "I love it. Thank you."


    He nodded, then tipped his head toward the connecting door. "I had some things I needed to look in on?"


    I nodded as well. "Go on, then. Unless you''d rather stay?"


    He shook his head again, that one tiny jerk from side to side, and then left.


    I looked down at my cane and said, "damn. This is a really nice New Year''s gift. Kinda wish I''d been awake for it."


    Saffron tilted her head, "for what?"


    "Y''know, New Year''s."


    She smiled at me. "You''re in luck, then. This year has two intercalary days."


    "Inter what now?"


    Saffron laughed, said, "Such a Goof. Every fourth year New Year''s lasts two days instead of one. So you''ve still got an hour or two left," came over to stand in front of me, then wormed her way under my right shoulder. Between her on that side and the cane on the other, my legs and back decided that they wouldn''t go on strike just yet. "So, what do you guys do around here to celebrate New Years?"


    Saffron looked at Marie, then glanced to Isnomi, then looked back at Marie. She didn''t make a sound, but her shoulders shook with more suppressed laughter. Marie grinned back at her. "Darling Marie, could you and Isnomi be so kind as to go acquire us a celebratory feast?"


    "Hey, I can make it to the Dining Hall. Just, y''know, slow."


    She looked at me, then pointedly stared down the front of me. Lots of scars. More than I''d had before. Some of them starting to fade, others brand fuckin'' new. After a moment I got her point, that none of them were, y''know, covered. What with me wearing zero articles of clothing and only bearing one accessory that didn''t really cover anything, no matter how good it was at helping me stand.


    Without thinking about it, I did our little ''insta-dressing'' trick, covering myself with The Dress. Every single scar on my body flared red along the edges, like I''d been working out well past any recommended duration. A moment later the low-tide reek hit me, and I whimpered, "Marie, could you maybe get this off of me and, y''know, make it not stink like dead fish and whale poop?"


    She finished dressing first, and wonder of wonders the Menace managed to dress herself without any major sartorial flaws. After that Marie carefully removed The Dress and her boots, stowing them on the lowest shelf of her cart. "Yeah, could you maybe bring a bath back with dinner?"


    Marie nodded, then plonked the menace down atop her cart and left. I didn''t want to get the stank on our sheets, since I''d probably want to sleep in them after not too much longer, so Saffron helped me settle into our chair. Despite the complete lack of anything resembling ergonomics, it still felt good to get off my feet, and if it had zero padding, it also had zero flex, which let me lean back on it with the utmost confidence that it wouldn''t break or fall over or anything like that. I groaned out my relief at my legs and lower back ceasing their screaming, then said, "okay, so what exactly is the New Year''s tradition that required getting Isnomi out of the room?"


    Saffron settled on the bed, leaning back on her elbows, making it really clear that she was, as noted, sans clothes. Laughter bubbling under her voice, she said, "There''s a reason so many children are born at the end of Rooesh and the beginning of Beh." When I shook my head, she smiled and said, "ten months after New Years, Goof."


    I can''t say the clue was ''free floating'', what with her bouncing it off my skull once before tossing it my way a second time, but I finally got it. I laughed, giving my sore everything exactly the zero fucks it deserved, but said, "Sorry, Kitten. You know I''d love to, but I don''t think I can move enough to participate. Hell, I''m not sure I could move enough to, y''know, be a passive participant."


    She pouted, a cute little moue that didn''t reach her still-laughing eyes. "Oh, no. That''s terrible. I know you''re so devoted to participating in all of your new home''s traditions. If only there were some way you could take part without having to do more than sit there." She stretched, her hands sliding back across the bed, her back arching until she held herself up off the bed with the back of her head and the backs of her knees on the edge of the bed. Hell of a view, lemme tell ya. Then she slid her hands back down across each other, then down the rest of her until they rested atop her thighs.


    At which point she hummed out seven notes to hammer Pavlov''s button. "I''ll take care of myself then."


    What else can I say except to quote the poet? "My chick bad, my chick hood, my chick do things that your chick wish she could."

 Day Two Hundred And Fifty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    At some point I really need to start thinking about the consequences of my actions. Like, not ''how they affect other people'', either, but ''how much that''s going to hurt''.


    Seriously. Like, I kinda get why I do it. I''m just some chick from Camden, why the fuck wouldn''t I go hard against all odds to save the fuckin'' world? It''s not like I''ve got a lot to lose.


    Except... I do, now. I have for a little bit, really. A couple months, at least. Hell, half a year if I''m just counting my oddly shaped little nuclear family. But somehow it hasn''t really sunk in. Or maybe whatever part of me is supposed to, y''know, worry about that shit? Got shot off when I got Isekai''d. Or maybe just kind of died of starvation some time before that, what with my pre-Isekai existence being Less Than Awesome. The really messed up part? For a kid from Camden, I had it not all that bad. Yeah, orphaned. Which sucks, I get it. But my mom cared about me, even if I didn''t get it at the time. My dad was gone from way back, but that combined with my mom not really replacing him meant I didn''t get molested the way some of my friends did. Yeah, she died, but like I''ve mentioned she dumped everything she earned into an insurance policy so I had money to live on; definitely enough to keep me housed, fed, and clothed until I graduated High School. Okay, maybe a pretty shitty version of housed, fed, and clothed, but that had at least as much to do with my own depressed refusal to do housework than any lack of money.


    I think about some of my friends back there and wonder what happened to them. How many of my friends wound up having kids before they graduated. How many had kids and dropped out. How many of the guys I knew followed the path of least resistance and started dealing, how many of the girls wound up turning tricks. Or, y''know, the other way around. A couple of my ostensibly male classmates back at Eastside made for unbelievably hot chicks. Not fair, really, because I absolutely would have wanted that Hot Chick status, and I even had the right plumbing and a half decent rack, but back then I had no idea how to do shit like makeup, or accessorizing, or all those little things that come together to turn off the brains of anybody attracted to people of the feminine persuasion.


    I could kill all their asses at Call of Duty though. Especially the zombies ones.


    Shit, did I miss my whole fuckin'' calling when I started cutting ROTC?


    Yes, in case you''re wondering, I am only now realizing that the one gift I absolutely brought over with me that''s all me is my propensity for, as duBois can attest to, is ''wrecking people''s shit''. But then, I never claimed to not be a dumbass.


    So last night was pretty cool. Dinner and a show, although not really in that order. And, y''know, I couldn''t really feed myself without hurting, but I had two hotties and a cutie-pie who were eager to put stuff in my mouth.


    Good god I can''t seem to talk about them without entendres. Not even sure if they''re single, double, triple, or quadruple with a scoop of whipped cream.


    I have long since stopped counting.


    Love you too, Boss.


    Anyhow, the traditional Phileo New Years feast isn''t exactly what I''d expected. I mean, it''s right around the beginning of spring, right? Maybe? Fuck if I... wait, no, it''s the Equinox, so it''s definitely Spring. So, y''know, I''m expecting Easter Ham, or some other kind of ''roasted section of large mammal'', with potatoes and veg and all that other good shit. What I got? Stew. Pot pies. Some really good bread pudding, which is not normally something I''d nom with wild abandon. Some odd meaty bits in ''aspic'', which looks like jello, moves like jello, tastes... not like jello. I mean, yeah, savory, which matched the meaty bits, and I could tell that whatever the fuck it was, it was the best possible presentation of it, what with, y''know, the Academy Maids being immortal handmaidens of the God of Getting Your Eat On who''d spent the last four hundred years practicing nothing but cooking, cleaning, and sewing.


    After my first bite, which I managed to not spit out despite the salty surprise, I asked, "the fuck? Isn''t jello supposed to be sweet? I mean, this isn''t bad, exactly. But..."


    Saffron giggled a little at my confusion, spooning up another bite with a big meaty bit in it. "Fruit preserves, certainly, but by now most of that''s already been eaten. Besides, I thought I was the one with the sweet tooth?"


    "Well, yeah, and trust me, I''m eternally grateful for the intersection of your sweet tooth and whatever freak occurrence set my natural flavor to ''pie'', but I''m just not used to jelly and savory being, y''know, used to describe something." She chuckled as she fed me another bite. Stupid weird, what with the jelly tasting more like broth than, y''know, jelly, and the meat being suspiciously chewy. After a bit more looking, I realized that a lot of what Marie had brought back in her cart qualified as ''shit you make when you''ve run out of ingredients''. "Wait. This is all, like, leftovers, isn''t it?"


    Saffron shook her head and said, "no?"


    Meanwhile Marie nodded and said, "maybe."


    "Oh, hell, don''t get me wrong. Our little Menace has the right idea. It tastes good, so stop asking questions and eat. Right Menace?"


    The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    She looked up from where she''d taken our distraction as an opportunity to nom a whole meat pie without even taking it out of the bottom shelf of Marie''s cart. "Mmmhmmm!" She had the manners to keep her mouth shut while nomming instead of talking with her mouth full. Instead she gave me a one handed thumbs up while darting into her room with the pie, Marie in hot pursuit.


    With the two of them, especially the Menace, in the other room, Saffron took the opportunity to ask, "How are you feeling, love?"


    I grinned at her, waggling my eyebrows. "Oh, way better than when I woke up. Endorphins are a hell of a drug."


    She giggled at that. "I am intimately familiar with the phenomenon, as you bore witness to, Goof."


    "Kinda wish you could do that until I fell back to sleep. Might help with, y''know, the recovery, now that I''ve gotten some food into me."


    The Grin made an appearance. "Who says we can''t?"


    I looked at the door to Isnomi''s room, which doubled as Saffron''s office during the day, and she laughed. "Are you done eating then?"


    "Yeah I think so."


    She stepped over to me, lifted me from where I sat on the chair, and with the help of her and my cane I made it the three steps back to the bed. She used the sheets to slide me over, then pulled the blankets over top me. When she had me more or less centered, she climbed under the covers and snuggled up beside me. By that point the Menace had returned to ravage the remains of Marie''s cart. I watched, sore and tired but entirely unsleepy, as Marie pretended to defend her cart, letting Isnomi get to things a bit at a time until the little one''s stomach bulged out a little bit, like one of those starving kids on late night TV commercials. At that point she kinda flopped over, and Marie closed up the cart and scooped her up.


    "So, do you want to start the new year in your Big Girl Bed, my girl?" When she nodded, Marie delivered her to bed, tucking her in. She stared at us, a happy little smile on her face, as she slowly drifted off. Saffron nuzzled into my side and said, "see? Now... where was I? Oh, yes." She slipped into that incredible damn singsong again, "now you get what you asked for." Before I''d even quite stilled, she sing-songed, "I''ll do this ''til you sleep, dear." Yeah, I have no idea how long she kept that up, because I absolutely fell asleep somewhere in there. Hell of a fuckin'' lullaby, lemme tell you.


    Mimic dreamt of growing. Which really shouldn''t be a surprise, what with my antics on the first day of New Year''s. But not, y''know, getting taller. Instead she dreamt of growing outward. She flowed over all those mossy rocks to the west, slid more of herself into the lake to the east, and stretched further north and south than she had, resting much of herself against the rocks she''d used to scratch herself when Oliver had his clerical pals giving her the itchies.


    Some part of me wanted to figure that out when I woke up, but most of me? Just wanted to stop hurting. Because yeah, I woke up hurting. I sighed, tried to stretch, hell, tried to move a little bit, which my body took as stretching. Stretching I was not in any way prepared for. "Ow."


    I''d apparently slept until after Saffron woke up. "Do you need more rest, love?"


    I nodded. "Yeah. Sorry."


    She flicked me on the forehead with her finger. "Do not apologize, my love. Ever. Not for this." She stopped, moved around to sit on my lap and pull my face into her chest. "Do you know how many people lived in Calverton before the plague hit them?"


    I shrugged. "Nope."


    Her voice quiet, so she wouldn''t wake the Menace or the Maenad still snoring in the other room, she said, "the ten thousand odd souls who made it to shelter in Lancaster were the only living souls surviving from a city that boasted over one hundred thousand living within its walls." She took a deep breath. "New Amsterdam, if you include the outer districts, which they do, harbors over a million people. Had you not done what you did? Nine in ten of them would have died. Perhaps more, as the refugees from Calverton were still dying before you Cured them."


    "I..." I trailed off, trying to put what I wanted to say into words.


    "You. Yes, you. You saved over a million from Sengann and Apollo. I could only wish you had caught them before they fled."


    "Uh... about that."


    She froze, turning to look at me, something violent and visceral lurking in her eyes. "Yes, beloved Mimic mine?"


    "Yeah. I might have caught Sengann fucking around in M-Space before I did my whole mega-Cure thing." At the time I''d been pissed, but now that I thought about it? I felt kind of like I''d killed a gerbil. Or a kitten. Okay, a rabid gerbil or kitten, but still, nothing I could be proud of. Just something that had needed to be done at the time.


    "Caught him?"


    I looked away, sheepish. "I... Cured him."


    Her breathing had gotten maybe a little heavy. "What did that do to him?"


    I shrugged. "Not sure. I squished him after that. Not much left of him. Maybe some ashes or shit."


    I swear my Kitten''s eyes crossed after that. "Oh, that you could have visited such a fate upon the architect of the plague rather than the Primordial opportunist."


    "Uh..."


    Her breathing was way more than a little bit heavy at that point. "Do tell. Please, love?" I nodded toward the chair, where she''d hung my new cane on one of the rungs by its handle. Her eyes got really big. "Really?"


    "Yeah. I left him with Conrad and instructions to Cure and Heal anybody I missed. He dove for M-Space the first chance he got." She nodded, eyes wide. "Conrad tells me Mimic didn''t leave much of him; pretty much just enough to make that."


    She laced her fingers through mine, her other hand doing the same with the back of my hand. "My beloved Goof, I insist you tell me if anything I do hurts you in the slightest, for I would not have your traditional Hero''s reward marred by the slightest harm to you."


    "Hero? Pfft. I''m no Hero. Just a Goofball with a hammer. Just the Imperator''s Attack Dog."


    Her brows lowered, and her voice got really husky as she pulled my hand into the suspiciously humid space under the covers. "We have today off. Did you want to sleep more?"


    I sighed and looked at the window, where the tiniest bits of light made it through the curtains. "Yeah, kinda."


    "Remember how I put you to sleep last night?"


    My gaze snapped back to hers, only to find her eyes closed, her teeth dragging across her bottom lip. "Not about to fuckin'' forget that any time soon."


    She opened her eyes, and her demure, downturned gaze did not in any way match what her hands were making mine do. "Oh, it is my hope and intent that by the time you''re fully healed they will all blur into an utterly enjoyable convalescence, my love."


    "Uh..."


    She looked up at me through her lashes, The Grin in full effect as she proved herself fully capable of mashing more than one endorphin button at a time. "It''s time to go to sleep now."

 Day Two Hundred And Fifty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    Wait, so like I said, I''m already considering the impact my actions have on others, and now I''m starting to think about considering the impact they have on me.


    Am I, like, Adulting now? Holy crap. I mean, I figured it would happen eventually, maybe, if I didn''t die soon enough. Okay, that''s really telling that I used to think of ''adulting'' as a fate worse than death. Maybe it''s a Good Thing that I don''t any more? Or, at least, I''m willing to consider it a happy surprise rather than a fail-state?


    So last night after proving she could use my beat up digits as adult novelty toys while simultaneously altering my brain-case ratio until I had some gray matter in my endorphins? I slipped into blissful unconsciousness, and not just like, ''oh, I''m unconscious so it''s not hurting'', either. Full on ''if this isn''t heaven, I don''t wanna go there'' capital B Bliss which gradually drifted into Mimic Dreams. She''s mostly back to vibing and contemplating the cosmos. She''s also back to looking for mom, which... I dunno. Back before I realized that these were Mimic''s Dreams? It kinda made sense for me to look out into the cosmos, what with the potential subconscious conflation of ''heaven'' and ''heavens'', and my Mom obviously deserving to be in the former, what with not only putting up with my sorry ass while she was dying of cancer, but also setting me up for what amounted to a pretty nice life for a High Schooler in fuckin'' Camden. I mean, I guess she''d actually intended for me to go live with my sister in Philly where we could have shared rent and shit, or maybe move to PR where the Cost of Living would have made my dollars stretch further, but... I wasn''t ready to leave. Somehow I guess the kid part of my brain, which was frankly making most of the decisions for me right after she died, had some kind of thought like if I waited long enough, she''d come back.


    Maybe some part of me resonates with Mimic on that, since she seems to be waiting for Mom to turn up too.


    Those thoughts lingered in my brain as I woke to the feel of one hand pinned between Saffron''s thighs, the other arm wrapped around her, with the Menace using that hand as a pillow. Marie had snuggled up behind me to the point where I''m not sure that any of my weight really rested on the mattress or pillows; my head rested on her arm, and any place that wasn''t plastered against Saffron was supported by Marie''s fuzziness. Not a bad fuckin'' way to wake up, if you''ve got a choice. Which apparently I do now? Okay, yeah, no, I don''t think I actually have a choice, except maybe which side I''m laying on. Oh, no, my loss of bedtime agency. Anyway.


    The clue that I''d brought back from Mimic Dreamland had bounced around the room enough that it finally made it back to my skull. "Oh, shit."


    I tried to be quiet about that, but my whole volume control had taken a hit what with every part of me winding up more than a little frapped tossing that Mega Cure at New Amsterdam. The menace muttlied, whispering, "Mama gwounded," without even opening her eyes. Saffron''s boot up sequence started with her adorable little nose twitches, and the tiger-skin rug, tiger still attached, that I''d been laying on tensed just a bit.


    After the rest of us enjoyed watching Saffron waking up, I smiled at her when she looked up at me, her lips curving into a smile as she said, "good morning, my love. How did you sleep?"


    Which brought me back to the clue I''d captured and somehow not lost track of through all that. "Really well, considering I''m sure that I somehow managed to kill all the shit out of myself pulling that colossally stupid stunt on New Years, and..."


    Saffron snapped her teeth at me and thought, do not make me remind you. Yes, in singsong, in case you''re wondering, which is probably my new favorite way of being interrupted. If anything tops that on the list is her doing it when she''s kissing me. Or doing something else intimately naughty. Or maybe all at once.


    Anyhow, before it could escape my brain, I blurted out, "I think Mimic is expecting a visit from her Mom at some point."


    Marie tensed up at that. Saffron did too, but only a little, and only until she quietly said, "how would you have us receive her, my Goddess?"


    I took a deep breath while thinking about it. "I''m not sure. On the one hand, I think she singlehandedly won ''Worst Mom Ever'' by throwing me, and by me I mean Mimic, in a box before... hell, before there was Time to be before in." Saffron just waited, patiently staring at me as she waited on my decision. Marie ran her free hand down my side, petting me, which was both a little weird and really comforting.


    The menace just snickered more, still whispering, "mama gon ge gwounded," like it was the funniest thing she''d ever heard. Hell, at least she''d gone with that instead of fart jokes, right?


    "But..." I paused, looking down to see Saffron still waiting, patiently, on my indecisive ass. "People do stupid shit when they''re afraid. And she was. Afraid. Fuck, she probably still is." I looked at Saffron, but she just waited for me to make up my fuckin'' mind. "Okay, assuming she doesn''t come storming in like Odin into Loki''s cave, or sneak in to pull shit like Sengann did? I''m willing to hear her out. To try and talk things out, rather than..." Everything snapped into place right there as I realized not only what I wanted, but why I wanted it. "I don''t want to respond out of fear, justified or not."


    Saffron didn''t judge. She just nodded, and when her gaze rose to meet mine, said, "as my Goddess wishes, so it shall be." Then an impish Grin curved her lips and she looked over her shoulder and said, "so no eating her before we''ve spoken with her, Menace."


    For her part, Isnomi snickered, then shouted, "no ead Gamma, tikibada!"


    A few seconds later, Conrad leaned around the doorframe, an exquisite offended look gracing his features. Fake, but exquisite nonetheless. "I''m not the one who eats things, sister." Then he turned to me and, his original issue hand to his chest, said, "should I encounter her before any of you, I shall of course follow your desires, both in speaking to her and in letting her know you wish to speak with her."


    "Thank you, Son." A nod, and he was gone. "Yeah, part of the reason she''d got on my mind was Mimic dreaming about her, but not entirely."


    "What else then, Goof?"


    "Sengann called out to her while I..." I took a deep breath. "While I was killing him."


    Now it was Saffron''s turn to wince. "Well, she''s likely to turn up, then. Best to let Loki know as well."


    Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.


    You hear that, Boss?


    As I heard him call for her while you destroyed him, my Champion. Should she visit Sigyn and I, you will be the first to know. Should you encounter her first, you have my full support however you choose to handle the encounter.


    Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    At that point I decided to take a little stock of my current condition. Not anything stressful, just kind of stretching everything, starting with my jaw and working my way downward. My jaw still pulled at the scar along the side of my face, but my neck moved pretty freely. My lower back did not like the idea of self-motility, but my arms both moved pretty well. My left hand, which Saffron still hadn''t released from between her thighs, felt like I hadn''t even put it through a blender. Hell, I think it felt better than the rest of me put together.


    Likely something to do with very... focused... worship on the part of your most devout Priestess, my love.


    That got me, I laughed out loud, and wonder of wonders? I ached. Not ''hurt'', not ''felt like I was about to fall apart into a million pieces'', not ''felt like my Tabitha-suit was falling apart along the perforation lines''. Just... ached.


    "Hey, wait a minute."


    "Yes, love?"


    "Uh, The Equinox was two days ago, right?"


    "Yes, love."


    "So... wasn''t yesterday Moving Up day?"


    Saffron sighed. "Love, I find it painfully hilarious that the first time you show me you''ve paid attention, an unexpected detail has caused you to be incorrect."


    "Huh?"


    "This year had two New Year''s Days. Normally New Year''s Day is the Spring Equinox, but the second New Year''s Day is... well... it doesn''t count."


    "Doesn''t count?"


    She shrugged. "It''s a day purely for celebration. Of the New Year, of the beginning of Spring, of four more years survived. Of anything and everything anyone chooses to celebrate."


    "Really? Cool. Wait, doesn''t that mean Moving Up day is, like, today?"


    She nodded. "That''s correct, love." She tilted her head. "Did you want to attend?"


    I thought about it for a second before I said, "y''know? I kinda do. Just to find out what it''s like."


    She nodded decisively. "Then we shall. Marie, could you please bring bath accoutrements? I''m afraid that despite our dear Tabitha''s normal odor being pleasant, she hasn''t really had a bath since her dunk in the harbor."


    "Oof. I reek that bad?"


    As Marie carefully offloaded me, then pulled on her Maid outfit at a speed that rivaled Loki''s insta-dressing trick, Saffron fluffed the pillows behind me, then turned to send the menace to get our ''good'' uniforms from the armoire in her room. "Not really, love. But it''s really the Academy''s only formal occasion."


    With Saffron''s help, I slowly, carefully levered myself out of bed. My everything ached, but as I''d discovered earlier, it ached rather than hurt, which meant if I moved slow and careful, nothing gave me ''fuck off and die'' signals. Hell, my left hand even felt kinda good. Which let me know exactly what hand to keep my cane in. Within ten minutes, Marie returned with her tub and kettles of water, and we got cleaned up; Menace first, then Saffron, then me. The other two went through more out of solidarity than anything, but frankly I was a little embarrassed by how nasty my bathwater wound up. Once all of us were clean and dry, Saffron got Marie to strip down and the other three of us settled down with brushes to brush out all of her fur. I pretty much focused on her head, which let me sit still on the chair and let her lean back against my knees while the other two moved around her brushing.


    Once we''d all gotten ourselves fully cleaned, dried, combed, and brushed, the three of them got dressed, insisting I sit there and watch while they did. Nothing, like, reverse strip tease or anything crazy like that, but still fun to watch. Also funny watching the menace trying to tie knots while looking at me instead of at her hands. Once they all had themselves dressed just so, they stood me up and dressed me while I leaned on my cane. Well, except when I needed an arm free for a sleeve, which is when Saffron slipped under my arm to help hold me up and Marie slipped my arm through the sleeve. I definitely don''t want to keep hurting like this for any longer than I have to, but the pampering? Holy fuck could I get used to the pampering.


    Okay, really I''d eventually get pissed off being babied, but at least for now I had fun with it.


    Once we were all dressed up, we wandered down to the Dining Hall. After the first two flights of stairs, my thighs got a little more achy than Saffron liked, so Marie picked me up and carried me the rest of the way to the ground floor. The stairs were empty, and the halls even more so. I heard murmurs coming from the Dining Hall before we got there, but when we pushed open the doors, silenced washed outward from us. I looked around and saw the room filled with standing Cadets, Maids, instructors, and a bunch of people back in the back wearing civvy clothes. Parents or relatives, at a guess. A few tables had been pushed together to make a stage atop the dais, and the Marshall and the Headmaster stood front and center on those. A couple Cadets I remembered from mealtimes stood shoulder to shoulder in a row to the left of the tables, a few more stood in a line to the right. All of them watched us come into the room.


    I''d already started to turn toward the ROTC table, or where it normally sat, but my entourage guided me around toward the front of the crowd. Step by step I moved at a crawl toward the front of the front of the room until I stood right in front of Miles and duBois. I hadn''t actually broken a sweat yet, but it was a near thing, and everybody silently staring at me didn''t help. The moment we stopped moving, Headmaster Miles started speaking. "Heroes, Cadets, Candidates, Honored Guests. We have with us today not only two Cadets who managed to avoid their own Moving Up Ceremonies when promoted from Freshmen to Cadet, not only two of the youngest Councilwomen in the history of Phileo, not only the Imperator of our newly formed Inter-City Alliance, but the young woman who has eclipsed her in the eyes of most of those living in our Cities. Cadet Aetos? Cadet Diaz? If you would join us?"


    He motioned to the steps that had been set up to the side of the stage, but before I could take a step Marie wrapped her hands around my waist and lifted me up to the stage. Saffron straight up hopped up next to me; a pretty fuckin'' impressive hop since the damn thing was as high as she was tall. Marshall duBois smiled as she did that, his smile only getting wider as she held out a hand to stabilize me as I took a moment to catch myself. I stood between the two of them and Saffron, and both of us stood half turned to face them, half turned to face the audience. We stood there for a second while a ripple rolled through the crowd.


    Look, I''m all mature and shit, but it had been days since I''d gotten my snark on. "So, whatcha need?"


    Big chunks of the room twitched at that; some of them trying not to laugh, the rest looking a little scandalized. Headmaster Miles closed his eyes and took a deep, calming breath, but the Marshall just rolled with it. "It has come to our attention that during the recent events in Lancaster, Phileo lost eight Heroes. One of those positions has been filled by Lachlan Lancaster, and as always there are Senior Cadets waiting to fill those roles." The Marshall paused to let the crowd''s inevitable murmur subside. "However, the Headmaster and I have spoken with the Phileo City Council, and with the overwhelming support of the Council led by Councilor McCann, we have decided that of the remaining seven Heroic positions, we intend to fill only five of them at this time."


    Before the crowd could respond, Headmaster Miles took over smoothly. "We in Phileo will not bend our principles to the degree that we would place our youth in a position of unmitigated danger save in times of great peril, such as we faced in our recent war against our former foes in New Amsterdam, or during the plague that followed. So while both Cadet Saffron Aetos and Cadet Tabitha Diaz have been promoted previously to the position of full Cadet, we cannot promote either of them further at this time."


    At that point the Marshall took back over. "Cadet Aetos, Cadet Diaz, you are both requested and required to accept promotion to the status of Hero, effective immediately upon completing your coursework and entering your majority." After a moment of stunned quiet, the crowd absolutely exploded with applause.


    Well. Fuck. Did not expect that.

 Day Two Hundred And Fifty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    Is part of Adulting like, not being super greedy about stuff? Like, wanting to turn things down even though you want them? I really hope so, because otherwise my self-destructive poor self issue images are just way out of hand. ''Tell Saffron about it and follow her instructions from now on'' out of hand.


    So anyway, part of me is super stoked about having one of Phileo''s Hero slots set aside special just for me. Like, I have no idea how long it''s going to take me to get there, and I don''t think anybody else does either, but it''s like they''re saying ''we''d rather have you ASAP than have somebody else in the meanwhile and wait even one day extra for you''. As I stood there on the stage, after a few moments of ''did not expect that'', my very next thought was, ''holy shit! I''m made of awesomesauce!''. Followed not too long after by, ''oh, shit, did they just snub like two hundred fifty Senior Cadets just to make me feel better?'' Before I even managed to take control of my mouth to say, ''thank you''? I''d already hit the point of ''I should really turn this down, shouldn''t I?''


    Fortunately for everyone involved, Saffron''s brain is not only bigger and better than mine, it''s faster when it comes to anything other than fucking shit up. She stepped forward and said, "on behalf of myself and my wife, who is still recovering from her actions on the Spring Equinox, we are deeply grateful and will in all ways attempt to live up to the trust you''ve placed in us." I just leaned on my cane, nodded my head, and hoped like hell the Headmaster and Marshall hadn''t pissed off too many Senior Cadets on our behalf. I mean, most of them were in the crowd right now, and cheering just as loud as anybody else, but still, with only five slots open that meant the rest of them all had to be asking ''which of us got held back so those two could get an extra dose of smoke blown up their asses?''


    After the applause died down, we moved off to the side of the stage next to the newly promoted Cadets. While we all stood there, the Cadets ramrod straight, me barely remaining upright by leaning on Saffron and my cane, the Headmaster called up a half dozen Cadets to announce their promotion to Senior Cadet.


    Wait, weren''t the Cadets all up in Newark?


    No, love. Just the Heroes. Other than yourself, the rest of the Expeditionary Force is still in Lancaster though. Which means Laurence Lancaster is missing his Moving Up ceremony.


    Well. Shit. I should... yeah, no, probably not. Could you?


    Will you be okay without me?


    I have this handy new cane our son made for me. Go, I''ll be fine.


    She shifted out from under my arm, making sure I''d shifted my weight to my cane before disappearing. Less than a minute later, she showed up in the front row with Larry and Bonnie in tow, then stepped back to stand beside me again. Okay, she slipped back under my arm a second later. My aching back appreciated the support almost as much as my lady bits appreciated her tucked under my arm like that.


    When I finally got my eyes back front again, Headmaster Miles and Marshall duBois both shot Saffron looks. The Headmaster''s clockwork soul showed its annoyance at having to re-order things, but not enough to comment. The Marshall, on the other hand, smiled and gave her a subtle thumbs up. Then they called Larry up to officially promote him to Cadet. While he strode across the stage like he owned it, he accepted the promotion with good grace, then moved over to stand next to the other newly minted Cadets. Bonnie may have hollered just a bit louder than any of the rest of the crowd, but fuck it, Larry deserved somebody getting worked up over him.


    After that, the Marshall called up five Senior Cadets, officially promoting each of them to full Hero status. I''d seen a couple of them around the Academy now and then, but honestly? I knew them more by their uniform than actually recognizing their faces. They lined up next to Saffron and I after being officially promoted. I didn''t even really register their names; my cane and Saffron both helped, but the bits of me that kept the rest off the floor had started aching when Saffron ran to fetch Larry, and while her return slowed it down a little, it didn''t quite stop my slow descent into a world of hurt.


    Finally, Headmaster Miles called out, "Heroes, Cadets, Candidates, Honored Guests, thank you for witnessing the promotion of our new Cadets, Senior Cadets, and Heroes. If any of you would care to remain and socialize, our Maids will have Dinner and drinks ready shortly. Also, our Cadets have set up consecrated shrines in the Practice Yard for those who wish to visit them."


    As the gathering broke up to the sounds of one final round of cheers and applause, the Headmaster and Marshall turned to face us. Before they or I could even open our mouths, Saffron said, "apologies, gentlemen, but I believe Tabitha needs to rest."


    Wonder of wonders, both of them just nodded. Okay, the Headmaster said, "of course," as the Marshall asked, "is she recovering well?"


    Saffron nodded for me. "Better than I''d feared, but not as well as I''d hoped. It will take time." When the Marshall nodded again, she stepped us both back to our rooms. The moment I saw our curtains in front of me, I just collapsed backwards. Our new bed wasn''t just bigger than our old one, it had something resembling an actual mattress and pillows now, and I really couldn''t tell whether I liked it or our bed from Lancaster House better. Okay, I liked this one better, but mostly because it was ours, and we''d already made some outstanding memories in it. On it. With it as a centerpiece. You know what I mean.


    Saffron got my boots and pants off before she even started on my jacket. "I''d say something like ''aren''t you gonna take advantage of my lack of pants'', but my body is threatening to sue for emancipation from my libido if I do."


    "Oh, darling Goof." The Grin made an appearance, followed by a seven syllable singsong of, "we can''t have it do that now."


    Weirdest thing, realizing that definitely made the pain spike for an endless moment, but dropped it way down from ''actively debilitating'' to ''warning and annoyance'' as the endorphins rushed through my body doing God''s work.


    Speaking of, be sure your lovely wife brings you here on Monday, because you need seeing to.


    Will do, Boss.


    "Boss says you''re supposed to take me to him on Monday," I groaned. "Not sure why not sooner."


    As Saffron divested me of my jacket and blouse, she said, "likely because he wants you to rest another few days before coming to see him, and we''ve still got to sign up for classes tomorrow."


    This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    "Ah, shit. Part of me wants to whine at you to take care of it, but... can we do it sitting down?"


    "Absolutely, love. Now, did you want to celebrate our sudden delayed elevation, or did you want to sleep?"


    I shook my head without lifting it off of the bed. "Why us? I mean, isn''t that gonna piss some people off?"


    She shrugged. "In this case, it wasn''t a question of doing so or not. It was a question of who they chose to anger."


    I wanted to shoot her a ''dafuq?'' look, but my abs rebelled, so my expert expression was wasted on the ceiling. "How so?"


    "Well, as you''ve already guessed, some of the Senior Cadets may be put out by us not only bypassing them, but doing so in a delayed fashion."


    She waited until I waggled my head the tiniest bit in lieu of a nod, then said, "yeah, okay, I got that much."


    I heard fabric swishing that muffled her voice a little when she said, "their Patrons, relatives, and those supporting them might also be displeased."


    "Fuck. Hadn''t even thought of them. So why the fuck''d they do it?"


    She sighed, the sound backed by more fabric noises as I stared at the ceiling. "In my case, I believe they primarily want the Imperator to have full Hero status as soon as possible." A pause, then she continued with, "which is likely to be shortly after the next Moving Up ceremony."


    "Huh?"


    "I''m Bag, love. We age faster. We mature faster, too. Unless something goes horridly wrong, I''ll be an Adult as of my next birthday."


    I chuckled a little at that. "Cradle robber. What about the classes?"


    She leaned over from the far side of the bed, giving me an upside down view of her face and, right at the edge of my vision, her cleavage. I''d have arched my back to get a better look at the tits that could produce cleavage when hanging free, but my back told me on no uncertain terms that if I tried, I would be screaming in pain shortly thereafter, so I just enjoyed what I could see. Especially when she came in for the upside-down kiss thing. Weird, but not bad, I guess. Kinda like fried clams; not something I''d want every time, but an interesting occasional diversion. "I''ll remind you that by the calendar, you are older than I. Well, according to your Status, at any rate." She frowned. "According to the old version of Status."


    "How''s the new version coming along, anyway?"


    She opened her mouth, then asked, "are you really in any condition to spend the next few hours listening to me grouse about prior Archmagi in general and our daughter in specific?"


    "What''s the Menace done now?"


    "I''m sure you remember the very non-numeric information provided where numbers ought have resided last time we Inspected her?"


    I chuckled; my body didn''t like that much, but fuck it. "Oh, shit, yeah. You figured out how she pulled that off yet?"


    "Yes and no."


    "Huh?"


    She sighed. "I figured out how she did it that time, and corrected the next version of my Inspect Spell. Which showed me that she had found another way to spoof the data I should be getting."


    "Did you tell her to stop that?"


    She shook her head, her hair falling to form a curtain around our faces where she still hovered above me. "If she can defeat it, then enemies might be able to as well. The new Assess seems to work on her, so at this point having her provide an ever more difficult target to test my Identify on is, despite being frustrating, also incredibly useful. Helpful even."


    I rocked my head back and forth just a little, because my neck strongly protested the idea of shaking it. "Only our Menace."


    "Indeed."


    "So, uh, I get the idea that having the Imperator be a Hero is probably a Good Plan, what with them being superior human beans and all, and you being all Adult and Educated before my next birthday, but... uh... why me?"


    Instead of answering, my beloved Kitten froze, her eyes going just a little wide before she snerked, snorted, and then collapsed onto the bed face first, narrowly missing a mutual headbutt. While still laughing, she thought, I''m... I''m sorry, love. I''m... oh, Goddess, forgive me, but... before stuttering to a stop as she rolled back and forth laughing. Right before I started bitching about it, she rolled over me, proving that she knew exactly how to manage my perpetually horny and easily distractible ass by kissing me on the chin, which plonked her bodacious tatas right down across my eyes.


    "Absolutely forgiven if you jiggle around a little without, y''know, moving."


    She did so, all traces of laughter expertly hidden as she intoned, "as my merciful Goddess commands." After she spent a heavenly minute doing that while giggling quietly, which I tolerated because it enhanced Saffron''s already impressive jiggle physics, she said, "do you really not know?"


    Part of me really wanted to demand motor-boating, perhaps mutual, as a final requirement to complete my High Priestess'' absolution, but my neck told me that unless I could somehow get the endorphins first it would fuck off on the eight o''clock train to Miami if I did so. "C''mon, Kitten. What''s the over-under on me not knowing anything, really. Half the time I''ve got to look at my left tit to remember my own fuckin'' name."


    That got her giggling again, which had the exact effect I''d hoped it would on her continued jiggling. "Love, you first destroyed New Amsterdam''s Armies, inclusive of their Heroes, on the field of battle, all by yourself. Then you singlehandedly saved Phileo from a plague..."


    "Ah, that wasn''t..." she silenced my interruption by sliding forward about four inches, because she knows I''m way too classy to talk with my mouth full.


    "All of Phileo and the Yards saw you, and you alone, standing there, night and day, saying without words that if Sengann and Apollo wanted them, they would have to go through you." She lowered her mouth to kiss the hollow of my throat. Kinda covered my mouth and nose with unleashed sweater puppies while doing so, but fuck it, breathing''s overrated. We both know how that conflict ended.


    She pushed herself back up. "Then you singlehandedly Cured the remaining populace of Calverton, as well as the remainder of their Army and Heroes. Finally, you and you alone stood between New Amsterdam, Newark, and those foolish enough to threaten those under your protection." She leaned down to kiss the hollow of my neck again. I have yet to reward you to my satisfaction for treating Sengann with exactly the appropriate amount of gentle care. When she came up for air, she giggled again. "Love, if they hadn''t declared you a Hero in all but the niggling details of education and age? Not only would the populace of five Cities likely risen in revolution? The Armies and Heroes of three of those Cities would have done so as well. In the case of Calverton, they owe you as much as their citizenry." Her giggles overcame her for a bit after that. I persevered, because I''m not stupid enough to complain about those damn giggle jiggles. "In the case of New Amsterdam and Newark? Their Army and Heroes would have revolted from the shame of being bested by a Freshman Cadet."


    I snerked a little, because when she put it that way, it really was kinda funny. Like everybody except the Academy either saying, ''if she''s not a Hero, who is?'', or ''please tell us she''s a Hero, because otherwise we die of shame''. Which was way more sobering if I thought about it literally, but right now I was fully prepared to embrace the giggles. As my arms proved, when they signed off on wrapping themselves around Saffron and glomping her down onto me.


    Are you comfortable like this, love? Saffron thought at me, worry clear in her mental voice.


    Dunno. I''ll tell you when I wake up. I took it as agreement when she turned her head and used my tits as a pillow.


    Mimic dreamt of skygazing again.


    Signing up for classes was way fuckin'' easier than I thought it would be. Our weird status as ''not Senior Cadets, not exactly Heroes, but almost'' let us sign up for pretty much whatever fuckin'' classes we wanted, and after some pointed hints from the Marshall and the Headmaster, not to mention really surprising passing grades in Remedial Celtic, and both Basic and Intermediate Mana Shaping, we wound up signing up for the same roster of classes together. ''Strategy and Logistics'' on Tuesdays, ''Advanced Mana Shaping'' on Wednesdays, ''Advanced Combat Training'' on Thursdays, ''Independent Physical Training'' on Fridays, ''Law and Custom'' on Saturdays, and our one ''Elective'', ''Advanced Healing Studies'' on Sundays.


    Which meant our first day back to class? Would be ''Advanced Healing Studies'' with Sister Siobhan, Doc DeLeon, and some visiting professors from the University of Healing.


    I kinda assume that I''m gonna wind up a Case Study or some shit, really. Fuck it, Saffron ladled on the soporific bribery with wild abandon every time we got back to our room, which left me pretty much willing to sign off on whatever classes she wanted us to take.


    Is it wrong that I like that reward way more than, y''know, the whole ''being a sort-of-official Hero'' thing?

 Day Two Hundred And Fifty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    It''s super weird to be back in class.


    I mean, Kidnapping followed by War followed by Plague followed by Villains formerly Lancaster followed by Refugees followed by More Plague and then... class? Like, I get it, I really do. There''s a shit ton I need to learn, probably shit that I don''t even know I need to know, and some stuff that I would have learned back in ROTC if I hadn''t been such a slacker. I need to learn all that, and it''s a lot safer learning in a classroom where the worst that happens is some dumb fuck laughs at me or maybe somebody takes a Squadball to the crotch via the mouth than trying to learn while under fire, but... it''s still weird.


    So after our big day of promotions, followed by our relatively short relaxing day of signing up for classes, Saffron put me to sleep. Mimic dreamt of staring at the sky, looking for Mom. So weird, but somehow I get it more than most of her fucked up oddity.


    I woke surrounded by purring loved ones and warmth. Speaking of weird, I used to think it was weird that pretty much anybody with any amount of Bag in them could purr. Now? I''m finding it weird that I don''t find it weird. Which is progress? I guess? Fuck it, they''re warm and soft and I do it too when I don''t think about it, so I''m calling it a win and rolling with it.


    Kind of interesting how we''ve settled in, at least for now. For a while back in our old room Saffron and I would snuggle, then Marie would curl around us and the menace would perch atop somebody, or worm her way in between two of us. Then for a while, after Conrad turned the floor into something more like a bed, Marie and I would bracket Saffron and Isnomi. Because, y''know, little ones in the middle, although I''m not sure how Saffron would react to that. Now, though? Saffron lay facing me, her back to the window, and Marie lay curled around behind my back, her back to the door. Both of them facing me, in the middle.


    ''Cause right now I''m the vulnerable one.


    Such a weird feeling. Not just being the one to be protected, not just having someone who''s willing to protect me, but having someone I trust, who I know will do whatever it takes to protect me. Who won''t hold it over me afterward, expecting some kind of compensation.


    So I lay there for a bit, just enjoying the feeling of being warm and safe and loved.


    Eventually Saffron stirred a little, sniffing and tasting the air before smiling at me. "Good morning, Kitten."


    "Good morning, love. Ready to get back to class?"


    I pressed my forehead to hers. "Honestly? I''ll be satisfied if I can stay awake and mostly upright all day."


    She heaved a sigh. "That''s... not too far from exactly why I wanted us to take this class, love."


    I snerked a little bit. "Yeah, we''re not really here to learn anything, because we''ve fixed shit you say can''t be fixed, but we could use some free healthcare."


    She opened her mouth to reply, only to have Marie snipe her snark with a simple, "Yes."


    We all laughed at that, even Isnomi, who woke up to laugh along with us. Hell, she''d probably been awake and just lying there taking advantage of the whole, ''nobody expects me to do shit, so I''m gonna stay asleep longer'' part of being a little kid. Lucky menace.


    "Okay then. You guys get out of bed and start getting ready, I''ll see how quick I can get myself upright."


    Saffron frowned, even as Marie rolled off the bed and Isnomi leapt straight off the end, landing in her room next to the armoire. "Are you sure, love?"


    I nodded. "Yeah, I gotta get back on my own two feet eventually, and doing it here and now, where we''ve padded everything to a fare-thee-well to make it safe for little miss self-destruction seems like the best time and place. Just in case I, y''know, faceplant."


    "Okay, love." She leaned back and kissed me on the forehead, then rolled off her side of the bed. Before heading to the other room and the armoire, she picked my cane off of the chair where somebody''d hung it and tossed it next to me.


    "Thanks." I grabbed it, then followed Marie and Saffron''s example, rolling myself over to the edge of the bed, then using my cane for leverage I twisted to get my feet over the edge. After that it was just a matter of scooching forward until I got my ass to the edge of the bed, at which point I kind of tipped myself upright. Which my back did not like, but after the amount of pain I''d put up with on the regular, it was kind of weaksauce. More a ''fuck you, Tabitha'' than an ''I quit'', so I managed to get myself upright, then hobbled toward the door to Isnomi''s room. Shuffled, really, keeping my feet under me, one hand on the bed and one hand on my cane. Not happy making, but I was, in fact, self-mobile, for a broad enough definition of self-mobile.


    You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.


    Of course, just when I got to the doorway, I met Saffron going the other way, with Marie behind her. My wife put her hands under my armpits, lifted me, and set my ass back on the foot of the bed. "Doesn''t that kind of defeat the purpose?" I groused, mostly on autopilot while I stared at the way her lifting me did interesting things to her shape even fully dressed.


    "Of course not. You''ve shown yourself fully capable of getting up and moving yourself around. Now, since I''m sure you need food whether you''re hungry or not, and we''re on a schedule because of that, we''ll be dressing you."


    "Yes, ma''am." What the fuck else was I supposed to say to the Imperator, especially when she had a seven foot tall tiger woman for backup?


    The two of them were surprisingly coordinated, and unsurprisingly gentle with me. The part of me that still wondered about trusting them to take care of me had no idea what to make of that, but most of me was boggled by the fact that Isnomi wound up tying my shirt, what with being the one who could stand on the bed and not have their shins near my head. I mean, she actually had to kneel down to do it, because her standing on the bed put her head level with mine now when I sat on it, which was weird as fuck, but she did it. Which, also, weird as fuck. I mean, I remember when ''not shitting herself for a week'' was a challenge that took two tries to accomplish, and now here she is helping dress me.


    So fuckin'' weird. But then, life is change, right?


    So once they had me dressed to their satisfaction, Saffron held out a hand to me. I scooped up my cane with my left, then took her hand with my right. Before I could even really start pushing myself upright, or letting her pull me, the menace put her hands on my shoulders and shoved. Which wasn''t pleasant, but it got me upright, and I couldn''t fault her intentions. Without turning around, I said, "what, no piggy back ride?"


    Of course she took that as an invitation, and a moment later she landed glomped to the back of my head, one leg on either side of my neck. Thankfully between my cane and Saffron, I didn''t pitch forward far enough to faceplant. Saffron shot Isnomi a Mom Look and said, "my girl, Momma is injured. Hurt. You need to be careful."


    The menace reached around to put one gentle hand on each of my cheeks, then lay the side of her face on my head. "Mama tuff. She ga dis." Then, low enough I could tell she didn''t think Saffron and Marie could hear, she whispered, "sowwy Mama."


    "No worries, Menace. Just give me a little warning first. I gotta brace myself, ''cause my balance is for shit right now."


    Saffron gave me a worried look. "Are you dizzy?"


    I shook my head the tiniest bit. "Nah. Just... shit I''d normally do to stay upright? Hurts like a motherfucker."


    Isnomi whispered, "Mama gwounded."


    When I snorted out a laugh at that, Saffron turned to Marie and said, "could you please escort Tabitha and I to class after breakfast?"


    "Yes."


    "Excellent. Well then," she lay one hand on Marie''s arm, and stepped us both down to the Dining Hall. We were early, but for once the Maids didn''t give us any dirty looks. Then again, I suspect any impulses to aim dirty looks in our direction were completely overwhelmed by seldom used things like ''survival instinct'', what with Marie standing there right next to us, helping me get seated. Marie herself brought over one of the few trays of jalapeno scrapple, and one each of the many trays of spicy eggs and sausage. I started eating the moment she laid them in front of me, and while I kept at it as long as they let me, I only managed to put away maybe three trays of eggs. No problem with my stomach, or even my mouth, but my hands? Did not want to hand without complaints.


    Who knew that spending a month with one arm self-destructing on a second-by-second basis would actually provide me with a useful skill? Okay, I''m not sure if it was a Skill skill, and even now I still felt kind of like I''d been wimping out, but if I tried to be objective about it, I figured my pain tolerance wasn''t half bad.


    When we finished eating, Marie came back over and the four of us walked, step by step, up to the fourth floor classroom where the Advanced Healing Studies class met. It took way longer than I want to admit, and even then Marie wound up carrying me up the third and fourth flights of stairs. We got to class kinda late, as Doc DeLeon was introducing the guest lecturers from the Healer''s University across the river. "This is Doctor Zeccardi and his partner Doctor Glass. Doctor Glass specializes in healing of the Brain, the Mind, and the Soul. Doctor Zeccardi specializes in healing of Traumatic Injuries."


    I looked at the pair he''d introduced, both of whom wore formal white robes that looked like some kind of hybrid between a lab jacket and the kind of robes most of the faculty wore. I couldn''t help it; a tiny snort escaped me. I swear, it''s not my fault, but... Doctor Glass was a tall, skinny guy, his robes pristine and perfect, his hair neat and short, if not really ''close cropped''. Doctor Zeccardi? Short. Stocky, in that way that makes you think ''fat'' even though he''s not, really. His formal robes looked a little like he''d gotten Isnomi to dress him, and his hair sure as fuck did. Even with the ''white robes'' thing going on? I swear to fuckin'' god these two couldn''t have looked more like ''Bert and Ernie'' without, y''know, actually being muppets.


    The two of them looked over at me, Doctor Glass with a controlled, friendly look that I associated with the head shrinks I''d been to, Doctor Zeccardi with a joyful smile of somebody who loved life and everything in it. Zeccardi said, "actually, my original specialty was pediatrics, but there''s quite a lot of overlap with trauma." He held out his hands, raising an eyebrow as he looked at me. The menace squirmed.


    "Go on, Menace." She scrambled up until she stood on my shoulders, and then took a flying squirrel leap at the friendly faced Doctor.


    He caught her, his smile never wavering. "And what''s your name?"


    She looked at him, carefully enunciating for the first time in her life. "Is-no-mi. Isnomi Aetos Diaz."


    Holy shit. If this guy could actually get the Menace to do that? Maybe I could learn something here after all.

 Day Two Hundred And Sixty

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, it was weird enough being treated as, like, some kind of wealthy honors student with a scholarship; being treated like a wealthy adult honors student with a scholarship is just confusing.


    Constantly thinking people must be talking to somebody standing beside me, or behind me, or in their head or on the phone, even though we don''t actually have those. Confusion making is what it is. I dunno, maybe I need to work harder on my whole ''goof'' reputation. I sure as shit aren''t going to be able to keep up that fa?ade. God help me if anybody expects me to live up to anything like that.


    I shall if I must, but I have faith in you, Tabitha Diaz. Those you cannot blind with your brilliance you will baffle with bullshit.


    I couldn''t keep the laughter out of my mental voice as I thought, thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    So after catching her and getting her to speak like, y''know, an eight year old instead of a two year old, as impressive as that latter was considering she''s only just turned one, Doc Zeccardi looked at her, still smiling, but in a friendly way, not in a dismissive one, and said, "it''s good to meet you, Isnomi Aetos-Diaz. How old are you?"


    "I am one yeah old!" The Menace somehow managed to enunciate most of that without any baby-talk, although she still apparently had some troubles with her ''R''s.


    The Doc looked kinda surprised at her response, like he''d expect a number higher than, y''know, one, but he managed to keep his expression limited to ''surprised'' rather than ''shocked at her bullshit'' or ''upset she didn''t know how old she was''. Instead, he just asked, "Are these your parents?"


    "Yeth!" She''d been holding on with both hands clinging to his robe, despite the fact that he''d gotten his forearm under her butt for her to sit on, but now she let go and turned to point at us. "Thath Ma," she pointed at Saffron, "Mama," at me, "and Mawee!"


    Doc Zeccardi nodded to each of us in turn, then said, "you''ve certainly raised a polite and precocious little one here, ladies."


    I let Saffron do the talking, both because I still hadn''t quite gotten my breath back from walking here and because if I had to bet, I''d bet on her making less of an ass of herself than I would. She nodded politely to the Doctor and said, "thank you, Doctor. I''m not quite sure how she managed to be on her best behavior for all of two sentences, but if there''s a trick to it I''d certainly like to learn it."


    He shrugged. "No offense intended, but it''s a simple trick, yet one many parents have difficulty using with their own kids." He leaned toward us and said, "treat them like people."


    I got to watch as Saffron went into full on reset mode, her mouth moving without any words coming out as her brain skidded to a stop. I shuffled forward and said, "yeah, I get that. Both the what you''re doing and the hard to do with your own kids. Rough mental adjustment to make with somebody you''ve had to keep from eating their own poop while you cleaned them up."


    Doc Zeccardi looked at me, and while his expression never really changed, I saw his eyes dart to take in my hands where I leaned both of them on my cane, then to the side of my face where my newest scar still burned faintly from me talking. "Normally I expect the little ones to be more danger or accident prone." It could have been nasty, but by his smile he wasn''t trying to be hurtful, just acknowledging how physically fucked up I was without making a big deal over it.


    I shrugged, the scars across my upper back displeased but not enough to stop me. "Yeah, I got into this Hero business for the money and power, maybe even the fame a little bit, but it seems like I''m staying for the danger and injuries I''ve collected." When he tilted his head, his smile never wavering, but his eyes crinkling a little with confusion, I smiled back and said, "I mean, when you get as many as I have, you kinda want to collect the whole set, right?"


    That got him, and he laughed, even as Doctor Glass took a deep breath and let out a quiet sigh. "Looks like this one needs your help more than mine, Steve."


    Doctor Glass nodded, but limited his response to, "she seems to be coping, Joseph."


    I raised one eyebrow, surprised when that didn''t make my face hurt. Then again, I''d instinctively raised the eyebrow opposite my new scar. "You say that like coping is worse than the alternative."


    He shrugged, his smile less gregarious than Doc Zeccardi''s, but no less real. "It''s better than just surviving, but worse than healing."


    Now it was my turn to chew the air, trying to come up with a snappy comeback that didn''t make me sound like an asshole. Saffron came to my rescue. "Normally we would have left Isnomi with Marie for the day, but I wanted Marie along to ensure Tabitha made it here safely." She held out her hands, and if Isnomi looked a little mulish, she didn''t throw a tantrum or cling to Doc Zeccardi at least.


    As he handed her back to Saffron, he said, "she''s welcome to stay, if you like."


    Saffron held Isnomi out far enough that she could look her in the eye. "So, which would you prefer, my girl? A day carting with Marie, or a day here in class with Momma and I?"


    The menace looked back and forth between the four instructors and Marie, clearly torn. Finally she looked at Marie and asked, "fye?"


    Marie shook her head, replying, "No." for good measure.


    Isnomi looked at Saffron and said, "I say."


    "Okay then, but if you get disruptive or bother the Doctors or Sister Siobhan, it''s back to Grandma you go."


    "Oh tay!" She hopped down, then held up a hand to me. I took her hand and she guided me back to a set of three empty desks, maneuvering me into the closest, taking the middle for herself, then pointing Saffron at the third.


    As we made our way to our seats, I took a moment to check them out as well; while the numbers were lower than most of our previous regular classes, the population was way more varied. Most of the class were the right age and uniform to be Senior Cadets, but there were a few sky blue robed people in the same age bracket, as well as one young woman in an aqua colored robe, two women in robes that matched Sister Siobhan''s, and one older, maybe forty-something guy in an Academy uniform, but with the aura of controlled power that told me he had to be a Hero, the real deal, one that had been doing the job for a while now.


    Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    Doctor DeLeon turned to the rest of the class. "As I was saying before, the curriculum for Advanced Healing Studies varies from year to year. That''s both because we can''t precisely predict what active cases will be available for the class to work on, as well as the professors changing from season to season. That''s before we take into account the fact that every one of you has likely come to this class with the intent to study some particular aspect of Healing. While we will of course attempt to cover all the topics you''ve come to learn about, if there are no available patients, some of that may be entirely academic rather than our preferred mix of practical and academic."


    He stopped for a breath, then met my gaze and smiled, "of course, for those of you focused on the Healing of Traumatic Injuries, especially those which require more to fully recover from than a simple Heal Injury Spell? Not only do we have the City''s pre-eminent expert on that here to instruct, our own Tabitha Diaz is obviously presently recovering from injuries sustained this past Spring Equinox, and thus far not a single season has passed without her sustaining more."


    What could I even say to that? I just smiled and nodded, trying not to wince as both of those pulled at my scars. "Thanks, Doc," I muttered, but loud enough people could make it out if they wanted to. That got a couple chuckles from the Senior Cadets, and the most intense stare I''d seen in a while from the Hero.


    "In addition," Doc DeLeon continued, "Sister Siobhan will graciously share the Divine perspective of a High Priestess of a Healing God. I personally have found conversations with her and Doctor Glass alike extremely enlightening regarding the nature of injuries to the Soul and how they can be treated. We also have the unique opportunity this season to study a brand new Global Spell providing Healing Divination for diagnostics."


    At this point I kinda realized that this class? Was definitely, like, post-graduate stuff. Shit that people came to study right before they graduated, or came back to school to study after they''d already graduated. I really hoped me being the ultimate Case Study for Fucking Yourself Up in New and Interesting Ways would balance out the fact that I would absolutely be lost at sea ninety nine percent of the time. Then again, I knew how to keep my fuckin'' mouth shut unless I had something useful or amusing to contribute. Which, given the dearth of utility and preponderance of comedy in my previous classroom contributions, really said something about me in general, I guess.


    The Hero raised his hand at that point. Impressed me that a dude who was basically a Senator, Chief Justice, and Certified Badass seemed fine with suborning himself to the classroom rules. He waited until Doc DeLeon nodded to him and said, "yes, Hero Mc Rori?"


    "Don''t get me wrong, the new Spell looks like it''s gonna help out a lot when seconds matter, maybe, but how sure are we that it''s as accurate as the old one? I tagged some ongoing issues with it and the information came back different. Mostly close to the old values, but a few were way off. Also, I''m a little concerned regarding how reliable the Spell is regarding showing all the relevant information on that first display." He paused, as if realizing that his question had wound up bracketed with a bunch of related concerns, but shrugged and nodded.


    Doc DeLeon just smiled. "Reverse engineering a Global Spell can be complex, and the extremely dynamic nature of the new Global Assess Health makes it even more so, to the point that our own Mana Shaping expert has been trying to do so for nearly a month with little success. However, we are in luck regarding your questions, Hero."


    "How so?"


    "Because the Archmage who created the spell kept meticulous notes about the design of the Spell, and did more extensive testing than any previous Archmage whose work I''ve studied."


    When DeLeon paused, I realized that while he might be a Healer, his core competency had to be courtroom law, because that bait was just perfect. Hero Mc Rori asked, "so, you''ve still got access to those notes? Will we be allowed to see them?"


    Doc DeLeon turned to Saffron, who''d been getting tenser and tenser, and asked, "Well, Cadet Aetos-Diaz? Do you mind reviewing your notes on your new Assess Health, and answering any questions the rest of the class might have regarding it?"


    Y''know, Saffron made a hell of a Mom, and she''d parlayed a lot of her Mom skills into being a pretty kickass Imperator, I realized just then that whether she had the tiniest bit of talent or not, what she wanted to do was be a professor. Like, not teaching little kids or even teenagers, but expanding the boundaries of human knowledge and sharing that knowledge with others wanting to map those boundaries. "Yes, Doctor DeLeon. I would be glad to."


    What followed, after the weird kind of ''holy shit, she''s an archmage'' acknowledgement by the rest of the class, was almost ten solid hours of increasingly technical discussions of the nature of Global Spells, Divinations, Mana Shaping, and especially medical shit. Marie and another two Maids rolled in mid-day with lunch; apparently advanced classes had a tendency to blow right through meals, enough that the Maids assumed they had to bring meals or people would drop from dehydration.


    Two things really struck me about the day.


    First, the menace didn''t misbehave at all. Oh, at one point she folded her arms on the desk, rested her chin on it, and kinda snickered as Saffron schooled one of the blue-robed students who''d disagreed with her regarding ''standards'', and early in the afternoon she climbed into my lap, put her head on the desk, and fell asleep, but since she''d just finished helping the Maids deliver lunch, then ate her own along with half of mine, I couldn''t really call that ''bad behavior.''


    Second, while the Mana Shaping parts of the discussion only occasionally dipped down into something I could understand, which I didn''t feel bad about since the two Sisters and the Hero also seemed to need simplified explanations for those parts, I understood the Healing parts. Like, I couldn''t predict what questions were gonna be asked, or even really answer them, per se, I absolutely understood the answers, even to the degree that I knew, balls to bone, whether the answers were correct, incorrect, or somewhere in between. At least a few times during the class, Saffron totally leaned on that; when she and one of the profs disagreed on something, she''d toss the question over to me. Not like, ''what''s the answer'', but ''which of us is right''. Somehow? I just knew. I mean, it tickled my lady bits that more often than not Saffron was right, but I knew it wasn''t just me agreeing with her. A couple times she''d been wrong. Not, like, stupid wrong, but ''we''re out here in uncharted waters, and I made a left when I should have made a right'' wrong.


    Fuckin'' uncanny. A little unnerving that people took me as an authority on shit, but even moreso that I actually knew, even though I had no idea how I knew.


    Was absolutely ready to head to bed by the time the Maids arrived with dinner. After we finished eating, Saffron excused herself and I from the rest of the discussion, saying I needed my sleep to recover, and that I''d been instructed to recover by my Deity, so as of sunset Deity overruled Academy and curious classmates.


    We woke up late the following day, to Marie rolling breakfast in for us. Turned out she''d rolled in more than just breakfast; the top tray was a solid high-carb breakfast with waffles and pancakes, and when Saffron hopped us all over to Loki''s cave, I realized she''d brought food for the rest of the day as well. I mean, if Loki hadn''t done his whole loaves-and-fishes gimmick with lunch and dinner he and the menace and I might have wound up underfed, but given an actual sample to work with, his insta-food came out just as good as Marie''s cooking. Totally cheating, but, y''know, Trickster God, so it''s all good. Tempura shrimp and sushi for lunch, tacos for dinner. Kinda weird having tacos with something other than ground beef as the protein filling. Not bad, and it''s way closer to the way good tacos should be, but it''s not like I was a food critic back in Camden or anything like that.


    Mealtimes and the general nice ''day chilling with the fam'' vibe aside? I spent the rest of the day on Loki''s table getting my chakras realigned or some shit. What''s weirdest to me? Other than a few tidbits I''d picked up yesterday, I didn''t have words for most of what he did, but I totally understood what he did and why he did it.


    When we hopped home, as Marie was putting the menace to bed, I unloaded about the weirdness to Saffron, words leaking out a few at a time. Finally, when I ran out of steam, she straddled my legs where I''d been sitting on the side of the bed, then pulled the side of my head to her breast. Really made up for the fact that she was laughing when she did it. Not, like hysterical or anything, just amused by my being weirded out. Finally, she stopped laughing, pushed away from me enough to kiss me, then pushed us back so she could look me in the eye and, laughter still hiding in her voice, say, "what did you think would happen when you absorbed all the powers of a God of Healing, Goof?"


    Apparently, even when I''m artificially smart, I''m still a fuckin'' idiot.

 Day Two Hundred And Sixty-One

    Dear Diary,


    I''ve kinda started to wonder how much of becoming an adult is shit you learn before you start adulting, and how much of it is shit you pick up along the way because stuff gets dumped in your lap, and it''s too important to just say ''fuck it'' and fuck the hell off.


    So, today I get to see how much I remember from ROTC, how much I''ve figured out on my own since then, and how badly I fucked up the Expedition. No pressure, right?


    Woke up not wanting to move. Like, apparently this is an unavoidable after-effect of Loki doing his Soul Realignment thing.


    Sadly, I fear it is, at least when you''ve done so much damage that by rights it should have killed you.


    Yeah, you know me, Boss. So much stupid I can''t even die properly.


    I''m beginning to suspect you have some other quality in play, like ''determination'', ''resolve'', or possibly ''righteous fury''.


    Those all sound like you''re trying to put a good face on ''stubborn'', but thanks for trying, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    I mean, when I say ''didn''t want to move'', even my fuckin'' eyelids gave me shit for opening my eyes, and my eyeballs straight up rebelled and refused to look anywhere but straight ahead. Full on ow pain ow pain ow pain fuck it mode.


    Fortunately, I woke up looking at Saffron. From the fuzzy something pressed against the top of my head, if I''d been looking the other way I''d be staring into a faceful of fuzzy Marie tits, which while they''re lovely and all, and surprisingly big because ''athletic tits'' on a seven foot tall woman wound up being ''dayum, woman'', they had way too much chance of me winding up with an eyeful of fur in my eyes. I did not need to find out what that felt like added on top of my existing ouch.


    Not sure how long I lay there just watching Saffron sleep. Is it weird that with the whole ''perpetual uncontrollable cycle of zero focus or hyper-focus, no in between'' I always wind up hyper-focused on her in these moments before she wakes up? I''ve got this weird adult intuition that says something about my feelings for her, but that can''t be right, because I''m obviously focused on her because she''s gorgeous and cute and mine all mine. Except when she and Marie are going at it, which is just hot as fuck because they''re both mine, right? Or when Isnomi needs her, but she''s mine too, so that''s okay, right?


    Too much thinking too early in the morning, so I just appreciated the scenery before it became terrain, because there was no evidence of Isnomi in the room, which meant she''d decided to spend the night in her toddler bed with Mister Kraken. Eventually my vigil was rewarded by Saffron''s adorable boot up sequence; when her eyes finally slid open she smiled and said, "good morning, my love."


    Then she kissed me as a quiet growl from above resolved into, "Yes."


    Turns out not even ''they''re totally hot'' pre-activity endorphins overcame my body''s refusal to move. So Saffron and Marie both wound up effectively staying scenery from me, even after Marie rolled me over on my back. So weird, not just how satisfying slow and gentle can be, but how utterly titillating being terrain can be. My own personal Lewis and Clark left no acre unexplored, if you catch my drift. Okay, that''s really not fair to Saffron and Marie. Identical twin Sacagaweas? Except they''re not really in any way identical. Fuck it, endorphins sufficient to minimal movement, achievement get.


    So when Isnomi made ''moving around'' noises in her room we decided it was time to get our asses up and in motion. Okay, time for the two of them to get up and get all three of our asses in motion, what with ''standing upright'' still being a challenge for me, and ''moving from lying down to standing upright'' well beyond what I found myself capable of this morning. Instead, I let Marie lift me and set me seated on the foot of the bed, where Saffron handed me my cane to keep me from toppling forward onto the floor. Bit by bit they dressed me, Isnomi again taking care of tying my shirt in the back. Not sure whether it was a nice bow or a Gordian monstrosity, but it kept my shirt on. "Thanks, Menace."


    "De nada." Guess she picked that one up from Marie, maybe? Meh, Marie was a way better second influence than me in any case.


    Saffron stepped us down to breakfast, and once more got food in front of us before the doors properly opened. I guess it helps to be boinking the boss Maid. Or, y''know, being boinked, as seems to happen more frequently of late. Not that it was ever infrequent, really. So since ''sitting upright'' seemed to be a challenge for me today, the menace took over Tabitha-feeding duties. One scoop of eggs for the menace, one scoop of eggs for me. One sausage for me, two sausages for the menace. One spoon of eggs for the menace, one sausage for me. I think she took a perverse kind of amusement in just shoving the whole sausage in my mouth. Made me wonder about whether we ought to talk to Viktor Aetos.


    Yeah, I''ve been told I''ve got a one track mind. By fools who don''t realize how many pointless side-thoughts I can have at once.


    After breakfast, Isnomi decided to accompany Marie for the day doing Marie things. At a guess she''d wind up carting most of the day, but for now she just tiptoe-toddled along beside Marie. Saffron came around the table, put her hands on my shoulders, and stepped us both to the classroom. Oddly enough, the same one we''d been in Sunday, only Marshall duBois sat there with his hands interlaced across his belly, chair tipped back to lean against the wall. "Good Morning, Marshall."


    The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.


    At Saffron''s greeting, duBois tipped his chair back forward, his eyes opening as he did so. "Good Morning, Cadet Aetos. I take it from Cadet Diaz'' silence that she''s still not up to gracing us with the melodious tones of her voice today?"


    "I''m afraid not, Sir. Still, she can hear just fine, and I''m sure she''ll let us know if there''s something she disagrees with or needs desperately to know. Right Goof?"


    It took the combo-pack of spicy breakfast endorphins and spicy wake-up endorphins to make my jaw move, but I managed to drawl out, "ayep."


    DuBois asked Saffron, "I''d heard she was in a little better shape than this?"


    "During our Devotional day yesterday we visited her Patron and he helped heal some of the damage she''d done to herself. But if last time he had to do so is any indicator, it will take her a few days to recover from the treatment."


    The Marshall flinched a little, probably because mention of Devotional Days reminded him of whose High Priestess Saffron was. Weird to think that he saw me as some kind of prot¨¦g¨¦, maybe even a surrogate daughter, but saw Mimic as a big scary thing that goes bump in the night. Still, even if he had a kind of superstitious unknown love-hate relationship going on with me and my alter ego, he wasn''t a coward, and he did right by his City when he could. "So. Does your Patron... Does Mimic still favor Phileo, now that we''re not at war and the plague has passed?"


    "She does, although she may need to expand her horizons now that Phileo is part of a greater alliance. Calverton, for example, seems much more in need of divine intervention and assistance than Phileo at the moment."


    DuBois looked a little put out by that, but not, like, pissed. Just not liking the new reality or status quo. He immediately improved my overall good opinion of him when he said, "I can see that. I hope she doesn''t forget about us, though."


    Saffron smiled serenely at him. "I assure you, Phileo and Camden Yards are never far from her mind. In a very real way, she considers Camden, and by extension Phileo, her home in this world."


    I''d say something about you putting words in my mouth, but that might keep you from putting other things in my mouth later.


    Beside that, it has the additional virtue of being true.


    Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know me so well.


    I do indeed, my Goof.


    Apparently the Marshall was satisfied by that, so he started asking her questions about the Allied military. What with him being technically in charge of at least twenty percent of it nominally, and a hell of a lot more than that in actuality, I guess he had a need to know. She answered honestly, as far as I could tell, and it painted a less than pretty picture. Levies, Volunteers, and Soldiers were almost all called away from some other kind of work, so the longer we kept them in the Army, the more the economy suffered. Normally that wouldn''t be a big deal, apparently, what with Heroes being so fuckin'' effective at things like ''monster hunting'' and all the stuff that you''d normally activate a Battalion of whatever to go deal with.


    Thing is, while Phileo''s five hundred had survived everything more or less untouched, something like half of Calverton''s Heroes had died or been crippled by the plague. Ninety percent of New Amsterdam''s Heroes had died in the war, which meant by my hand, and all of the remainder were soul damaged, again by me. That meant our surviving Heroes were gonna wind up putting in a lot of overtime, and Phileo had most of the surviving Heroes. Basically, we would need to keep some of the Army active, if only to back the Heroes up doing shit where ordinary troops could do something meaningful. Hell, even if they were going after some kind of beastie that only Heroes could fight, having a single unit of Volunteers along could let them leave their supplies in a camp and not worry about some shit like bears or wolves stealing it all while they fought.


    People started wandering in while the Imperator and her Marshall talked. Every time someone came in, the Marshall looked down at a clipboard on his desk and nodded. Finally, after another student came in, bringing the total up to twenty students, all of whom other than Saffron and I looked like Senior Cadets, the Marshall stood up and addressed the class. "Welcome to the redundantly named ''Strategy and Logistics''. If you''re supposed to be attending another class, you really want to leave and go there, because you sure as hell don''t want to stay here if you don''t have to."


    A student across the room raised his hand. When the Marshall nodded, he asked, "why redundantly named, Sir?"


    The Marshall shot him a crooked grin and said, "because almost every bit of Strategy has to do with Logistics. Technically the course also covers Grand Tactics and Diplomacy, but even there the maneuvers and decisions are either informed by Logistics or wrong."


    "Wrong, Sir?"


    The Marshall nodded decisively. "Yes. Wrong."


    "Could you give us an example, Sir?"


    The Marshall heaved a sigh, although I could tell a lot of it was for show. "Son, most of this course is going to be examples. But to get us started, let''s look at the two most important military campaigns in recent history, one of which almost all of you participated in. Next class we''ll go over the other big event that you all participated in, the fight against the recent Plague, which was entirely Logistics based, since plagues generally don''t give a shit about tactics or diplomacy."


    For his part, the guy who''d asked the question just nodded and said, "thank you, sir."


    The rest of the day was kinda weird, since the first part was a review of shit that I''d taken part in the decision making, whether it was putting a guy who was otherwise a civilian in charge of our supply chain, or figuring out how to make a temporary bridge usable by troops, or mass production of our new Crossbows. The Senior Cadets who had participated asked a bunch of questions about how and why General Lancaster had made certain decisions, most probably the ones that seemed really counter-intuitive to them at the time. Funniest part was every time the Marshall explained something? He either called on Saffron at the end, where she''d say something like, "that agrees with what General Lancaster told me, Sir," or once, "actually, General Lancaster told me his reasoning was different, but that makes sense as well, Sir."


    Not once did Saffron bring up the fact that she was the Imperator, and neither did Marshall duBois. Funny thing, I''m not sure how many of the Senior Cadets really grokked that the Cadet Aetos-Diaz in class with them was the Imperator. Yeah, they''d seen her get tapped as a Hero-to-be, but I guess it''s tough seeing someone that much younger than you being the Head Bitch In Charge.


    The weirdest part of the day, though? Listening as Marshall duBois reviewed and critiqued my campaign against Calverton. Turns out he liked most of what I''d done, especially a couple things where I''d changed my mind mid-campaign. My favorite quote? When he said, "The Expedition Commander''s best Strategic decisions were those adapting to the current situation rather than assuming any fucking thing in this world remains static for long."


    Fuck. My inability to remain focused on a task for more than a few minutes was now a Strategic Asset. Who knew?

 Day Two Hundred And Sixty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    Does everyone go through the whole, ''why are they looking at me like an authority figure'' thing?


    I''m such a fuckin'' mess. Thinking about being rich and powerful? A literal turn on. Actually being in a position of authority, where people are looking to me for answers? Weirds me out like nothing ever has.


    Maybe ''cause I''m the only one who knows exactly how often I''m making shit up as I go along?


    So yesterday after Strategy and Tactics let out, which was later than normal for a class, and way later than normal for a class mostly attended by Senior Cadets, Saffron and I stumbled home escorted by Marie and the menace, since Marie had clued everyone in to it being ''end of day'' by arriving with dinner. Apparently one reason the Dining Hall isn''t filled completely every day is because Senior Cadets wind up staying in class through meal times. Which is cool, I guess, having Maids bring us our meals, and I suppose in some ways it''s even cooler than Marie herself brings us our meals most times, which explains a lot of what her daily Marie things included.


    Of course, we didn''t get served whole trays of food; instead she brought in one covered plate per person, and if I wasn''t getting the same quantity of eats as when I hit the Dining Hall, the quality more than made up for it. Not only that, but apparently each of us got our own special whatever. I mean, some of the Senior Cadets got the same thing, like I saw a few with some kind of individual sized chicken pot pie, and another couple had what smelled like French onion soup. A couple folks had different fish dishes; one had what looked like breaded, fried fish filets, another had some kind of grilled fish, and Saffron got, like, a whole steamed fish with the skin still on. I''d seen that on cooking shows, but didn''t know people actually ate that until I saw Saffron doing so. She didn''t really eat the skin, or at least not much that I could tell, but she folded it back and the inside of the thing smelled heavenly.


    As for me, I got a whole fuckin'' overloaded plate of shrimp and veggie tempura, with some sushi along one side. When Saffron saw a couple others giving me some side eye about shit literally falling off the side of my plate when I opened it, and a bit more when Marie stayed and fed me stuff bite by bite, my awesome wife just announced, without singling anyone out, "Cadet Diaz is presently near-paralyzed as a result of her actions on the Equinox. While we expect her to make a full recovery, at present she can''t very well feed herself, and she needs to eat quite a bit to heal."


    That put paid to any of them getting a real bug up their asses about me getting fed, but it did kinda derail the class discussion even more than dinner did, since they started asking about what I''d done, then about how I''d done it. She spun them a yarn that started by reminding them that I''m the High Priestess of Loki, and explaining that as such I can bestow any Boon Loki could, and then going off on a tangent about Loki being the son of the source of all Jotnar, Ymir himself, who obviously as the Primordial of Ice was really fuckin'' big. Like, the overall volume of a here-and-now glacier, which were apparently way fuckin'' bigger than back in my old world where we''d accidentally melted most of that shit.


    The Marshall dismissed class after that, noting that another aspect of Logistics was keeping track of your troops'' Endurance and never pushing them to failure unless that made the difference between winning and losing. He also kinda implied that if you had to push your troops to failure to win, somebody had fucked up somewhere, and if you''re the one in charge, that means all fuck ups are ultimately your responsibility. I guess he kinda realized that even with all of us having the kind of Endurance that comes with duBois Physical Training, we still needed to get a full night''s sleep every night to keep ourselves in tip top shape.


    Or, y''know, to recover from being a legendary dumbass.


    Marie left the menace with us and headed back to the basement to do more Marie things, and Saffron stepped the three of us back to our room. "Did you want to try walking to class tomorrow, love?"


    I thought about it a second, then replied, Yeah, I''d like to, but I''ll have to make the call when we wake up. No saying I''ll actually be able to.


    Yeah, my jaw still ached too much to move, really.


    Saffron undressed me, having the menace take each article of clothing to the dirty clothes pile one at a time. I figure she could have just yeeted them there, what with me lying over the foot of the bed close to the adjoining door, and her basically standing almost in the door in sight of the dirty clothes pile, but she wanted Isnomi to feel like she was doing something important rather than being ignored. By the time she finished, Marie came through the door with her tub atop her cart. They washed me down first; mostly Marie holding me in place or moving me, since she could do so without any real effort, which meant she could be super gentle about it. Meanwhile Saffron and Isnomi grabbed up sponge and washcloth and made sure I got scrubbed down really well before Saffron upended a couple kettles of steaming water over me to rinse me down.


    Y''know, I never really thought about the fact that Saffron and I don''t really hide ourselves from Isnomi. Yeah, she''s one, and one year olds really don''t have a thing about nakedness yet, but she''s also way more advanced than that in the noggin. Hey, Kitten? When do you think we should start, y''know, worrying about Isnomi seeing us naked?


    Whyever would we worry about that?


    I mean, it''s a private thing, right?


    Yes, but she''s family. Are you uncomfortable with her seeing you naked?


    I thought about that for a bit while Saffron washed Isnomi and Marie combed out my hair. Not really? More that I think at some point it should be weird, even if I''m not weirded out by it?


    Do parents hide their bodies from their children where you''re from?


    Yeah, most of them.


    Do you think we should?


    I thought about that for a while, especially about how many young women, hell, young men as well, had body image issues. Honestly? Probably not. Unless she feels some kind of way about it. Which I guess we just gotta watch out for, since asking her about it would just put the idea in her head.


    This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.


    Well then, I''ll keep a close eye on her, just in case.


    Thanks, Kitten.


    Thank you for mentioning it to me, love. I would never have thought of it had you not mentioned it, and we might have upset her unintentionally.


    Isnomi being Isnomi, she was full on chatty with Saffron while getting washed, and then right after being toweled off she just kinda slumped over asleep. Warm water, warm towel, warm Mom, I can totally see why, but it still made me smile. It made me smile for entirely different reasons when Marie left me sitting in the chair and went through the whole extended bath routine with Saffron. When they were done and she was dried off, they carried me to bed and put me to sleep. I could get used to being terrain, I think? Meh, probably not, normally I can''t sit still long enough for it to count.


    Mimic dreamt of something that smelled bad down to the south. Not sure what the fuck''s up with that.


    When I woke up, I still felt stiff, and shit hurt when I moved it, but it ''hurt when I moved'', not ''hurt so bad that I had to force myself to breathe''. So I got to turn my head enough to watch Saffron wake up. Probably my favorite thing to do in the morning, and yes I''m including Saffron and Marie. Not like we could anyway, what with the menace having crawled in with us and cuddled up between us under the blankets.


    After waking up and me greeting her with a far more active kiss than the day previously, she said, "Marie?"


    "Yes?"


    "Could you please bring up breakfast for us?"


    "Yes."


    She got herself dressed and left before I even managed to rooch myself down to the foot of the bed. Saffron and Isnomi teamed up to dress me, and I managed to sort of return the favor by tying Saffron''s shirt for her. She called it good exercise. I called it nice to be able to do for others when I couldn''t do for myself. Marie got back just as we finished dressing, and we all sat down for breakfast. I managed to get about half of mine in me before I called an audible and had Marie feed me the rest of my eggs and scrapple. Still, while my hands ached a bit, it felt like a good exercise ache once I''d finished breakfast, not like I''d reinjured myself.


    With breakfast done, Marie left with the menace in tow, and Saffron gave me my cane and put herself under my other shoulder. Apparently Advanced Mana Shaping is not just in a top floor classroom, it''s held in a room just below the lookout posts on the top level of the Academy''s towers. What with us having top floor dorm rooms, after walking to the dorm entrance we just had to hit the stairs and go up two flights to get to the classroom. Enough walking that my legs hit that same level of exercise ache, but other than wincing a little when I had to bend my knees to sit down, nothing I couldn''t handle. Neat thing about the classroom; it had windows in the inner wall, letting us look out over the Practice Yard, and not-very-coincidentally showing us we sat on the same level as the Ley Lines.


    We only had like twelve other people in class with us. Apparently while it''s a requirement, it''s also one where they kept the class sizes smaller. Shortly after the last of the Senior Cadets arrived, Doc Roberts walked into class looking a bit winded. "Good Morning, and welcome to Advanced Mana Shaping."


    One of the Senior Cadets raised their hand. When Doc Roberts nodded, she asked, "why are there so many of us in this section?" That kinda floored me; so far the only classes smaller than sixteen that I''d seen were the Remedial classes, which made me think this was small. Apparently yet unsurprisingly I was wrong.


    "While you''re correct that Advanced Mana Shaping is normally a six person class, I couldn''t bypass the opportunity to have as many of you as possible work with not just two High Priestesses, who can demonstrate and possibly even explain Divine Spellcasting should any of you want to replicate a Divine Shaping for your individual projects, but also with an Archmage, who can show you what it requires to reach pinnacles of Shaping even I have not managed to personally achieve."


    The woman looked a little weirded out by that. "I didn''t know there were still any living Archmagi."


    Doc just nodded, then said, "as you''ll learn in the general academic portion of this class, it is infrequent for there to be more than one Archmage in a generation, and often they are not lauded immediately everywhere in the world, as while they manage to create or sometimes improve a spell covering a wide enough portion of the world to be considered ''Global'', it is not truly available worldwide. My own generation, for example, has not produced an Archmage who has made themselves known to Phileo as of yet, and you are correct that the previous generation''s Archmage died emplacing an improved version of ''Inspect'' over most of eastern Atlantis."


    At that point Saffron snorted quietly and muttered, "if it''s improved, I''m glad I never saw the earlier version."


    The woman who''d been talking with Doc turned to face Saffron, and while she seemed to recognize her from the Moving Up ceremony, did not look at all awed or happy. "Forgive me, Imperator, but who are you to judge an Archmage''s life''s work?"


    Doc Roberts cleared his throat, and when the Senior Cadet looked at him, he smiled and quietly said, "she would be the first Archmage of your generation, Cadet Smith. Which means that while she still needs to put in her classroom time here for full credit for the course, she has already completed her Advanced Mana Shaping Project, and if Canta himself signed off on her Global Healing Divination Spell, I can''t see where I could possibly give her a failing mark for it."


    Cadet Smith''s eyes went a little wide at that, and she turned back to Saffron to say, "sincerest apologies, Archmage Aetos. I... I didn''t realize."


    Saffron just shrugged, because she''s classy like that, and said, "No offense taken. It''s not like the old version of Inspect would have shown you the title even if you had reason to cast it on me."


    That got everyone''s attention. Words sliding from his mouth like he didn''t want to say them aloud, Doc Roberts said, "old... version?"


    My Kitten just nodded regally. "My new one isn''t ready for release. Yet. But it does include both any titles a target may have, as well as the ability to determine what those titles mean in practical terms."


    At that point I managed to get my cane up in the air in lieu of raising myself. "Yes, Cadet Diaz?"


    "Hey Doc, what qualifies something as being eligible for an Advanced Mana Shaping Project?"


    He smiled at me and nodded. "As I suspect you have guessed, the creation of a new Spell, although most Cadets recreate an existing Spell from scratch. That, in fact, would be why the Mana Shapes taught in Heroic Skills at the Academy are substantially better than the versions used by most of the world. Not every student project is an improvement over the older Spell, but with a dozen or more new versions being created every season? Some of them are bound to be, at which point we begin teaching the new version to new Cadets."


    Apprehension and pain caused me to cut myself off as I asked, "Uh... does...?"


    He nodded again. "Yes, Tabitha, your Mana Blade does, in fact, count as a completely new Spell. Given its obvious utility, you as well have finished your Advanced Mana Shaping Project to my satisfaction. I''d actually hoped you could show the rest of the class that as well as demonstrating Divine Spellcasting?"


    I shrugged. "Sure, Doc. Might not be able to do much today, but once I''m back in shape I''d be glad to demonstrate."


    "Excellent!" He then turned and started in on his first lecture, going into detail about what did and did not count as a ''new Spell''. Honestly? I kinda tuned out about a minute into it and just settled into the least uncomfortable position I could and let his enthusiasm wash over me like a pleasant breeze.


    On the one hand, that meant folks were gonna want me to explain how I did shit, and I didn''t think they''d accept, ''no idea, I just did it''. On the other hand? I''d already passed the practical part of the class, and at a guess that meant more than the rest of the thing put together.


    Everything was coming up Tabitha. Which, I realized as we wrapped up for the day as I watched the sun going down? Did not make me as sanguine about the future as it should.

 Day Two Hundred And Sixty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, for all that the Marshall is my favorite teacher, he''s still a giant pain in the ass sometimes.


    So yesterday after Doc''s lecture, like half the class descended on us. Well, mostly on Saffron, what with her being the Great and Mighty Archmage and all. She was absolutely in her element, showing off not only the improvements to Assess Health, but how she''d made them go. Okay, I''m pretty sure that''s what she was doing. I mean, she didn''t say anything that had me thinking, ''wait, that''s not right'', but she sure as fuck lost me after like the second little interface window she popped up. The thing that impressed me the most? She came up with some kind of Shaping that let the rest of the class see all those windows she worked with. Y''know, without the whole ''seeing things through her eyes'' cheat that I used.


    Smartass Senior Cadet Smith seemed to revel in pointing out flaws in the new Spell Saffron instituted. Not, like, ''oh, none of it works'' flaws, but little, ''wouldn''t this be more efficient'' or ''wouldn''t that be more effective'' things. Finally, right as I was about to say fuck my hurting jaw and light into her, Saffron replied to Smith''s latest verbal offensive with, "you know, you''re absolutely correct. I''m definitely putting that in the next version. In fact..." Then she poked at a few things in the window I''d come to think of as her ''working copy'' of the Spell. I think she changed it according to Smith''s suggestion, but it''s not like I could tell. As noted, they''d lost me a while before. At any rate, Smith seemed to take even more offense to that than any of the times she''d caught something ''less than perfect''.


    "With all these problems with the Spell, I''m amazed you released it."


    Saffron just shrugged, because she''s cool like that. "I needed a functional version to Assess a close friend with unique biology, and after I''d done so Canta supported the release, so I did it."


    "You," Smith spluttered. "You spoke directly with Canta?"


    Saffron just calmly shook her head. "Of course not. Sister Siobhan did. She is, after all, one of his High Priestesses."


    Another student cut in to ask, "how did you manage to get enough Mana to launch the new Shaping as a Global Spell?"


    Saffron smiled at him and said, "some of the Mana actually came from taking the older Global spells down. But most of it," here she popped Glowing Midnight on herself, "came from my Goddess." A moment later she popped her uniform back on. The rest of the students all looked kinda freaked by that, and I might have snickered a little, pain or no.


    Of course, Smith took that moment to say, "Cadet Diaz, could you demonstrate your Project Spell?"


    Saffron frowned, but before she could jump to my defense I said, "sure." I painfully lifted my left hand to the desk, pointed more or less at Smith, and extruded a six inch Mana Blade from my pointer finger. That length wasn''t what I''d use in a fight, but I''d done it so often making toast that I really didn''t have to think about it. Good thing, too, what with the motion and the Mana use making pain spike all along my arm. I still held it there, because once I had it out the Mana drain was pretty insignificant. Pulling it back in might hurt like a bitch, but that had nothing to do with it. Really.


    Smith looked at it, then at me, then back at the Blade. "That''s it?"


    I shrugged. "Yeah?"


    She turned to Doc Roberts and said, "how is that a Project-worthy Spell?"


    Doc just shook his head. "Because to my best knowledge, it is an entirely novel Spell. Not only that, but the blade she''s showing you is probably the least powerful version of the spell, and even so it can cut through anything we''ve tested it on, with the single notable exception of a Mana Ward."


    Smith looked back at the Blade, a certain degree of respect entering her eyes before she spoiled it and said, "surely not Cold Iron, Holy Wood, or other similar Mana-resistant materials?"


    I just shrugged, but Saffron came to my defense, and this time I let her. "Doctor Roberts did not misspeak, Cadet Smith. Cold Iron and similar materials require substantially more Mana be channeled into the Shape, but it will indeed cut through even those materials."


    Now Smith actually looked curious. Way better look than, ''why are these two stealing my spotlight''. "More mana? It seems... ah... particularly Mana inefficient?"


    I shrugged again and said, "yep."


    Saffron replied, "before I set the project aside for more urgent ones, I''d been working on a more Mana efficient version of the Spell. Also, having the Spell as a Skill reduces both its initial Mana cost and the Mana drain from cutting through objects." She turned to me and said, "I realized while working on a new version that your Blades do require more Mana to cut through things than to just wave them through the air, but with any but Mana-resistant materials, that increased Mana cost is clearly well below any threshold you might notice."


    Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    "Wait, what?"


    "Was something I said too complex?"


    Smith cocked her head, "you said that the change in ongoing Mana expenditure is too small for her to notice?"


    Saffron didn''t even have to respond to that one. Doc Roberts'' sudden laughter from the front of the room drew everyone''s attention. He turned from the students he''d been working with to face Cadet Smith and said, "our Tabitha has more Mana reserves and faster Mana regeneration than any person it''s been my privilege to work with."


    After that, they all peppered me with questions about my Mana Blade, and Saffron was nice enough to answer for me. By dinner time, I was pretty sure at least two of them would be working on an ''Improved Mana Blade'' for their projects. Cadet Smith I couldn''t tell, though; she looked like she wanted to, but at the same time wanted to work on her own original Spell. Weird woman. Hopefully she''d decide before it was too late to start work.


    At the end of class, we waited until everyone else filed out, then Saffron stepped us back to our room. She helped me get ready for bed; by the time she finished Marie and Isnomi had returned for the night. By the time all of them were undressed and ready for bed, I''d managed to worm my way under the covers. You okay, Kitten?


    Certainly. Why do you ask, love?


    You''ve been really quiet tonight. Wanted to be sure you''re okay.


    She laughed as she responded, I''ve been talking all day. I think I''m actually talked out.


    I laughed a little at that, and it felt good despite the achiness in my chest when I did. The three of them joined me in bed, and we all drifted off in our warm little pile.


    Mimic dreamt of something awful going bad in the pantry. Weird.


    I woke as the others got ready for their days. I levered myself upright and out of bed. "Ow. I feel like an old person."


    Saffron smiled at me. "Well, you''re talking, which is a vast improvement, even if you do sound kind of creaky."


    "Yeah. Not gonna turn down help dressing today. But I''ll keep myself upright while you do?"


    She helped me with my blouse, both holding the sleeves so I could get my arms in and reaching around me to tie it in back. I inhaled as that pushed her hair into my face. "You smell so nice."


    Slightly muffled by my own hair in her face, she said, "you know what I''ll do if I think you''re milking this, right?"


    "Uh... no?"


    She chuckled as she pulled back and booped my nose. "No clue, really, but I guess it''ll have to involve milk somehow. Maybe I''ll get you pregnant just so you know how it feels to go around as a walking baby larder."


    Oddest thing? I had no idea how I wanted to respond to that. As weird as it had been at the start, I kinda missed it now that the menace had gone entirely onto, y''know, people food.


    What with me being some variation on mobile, we all walked down to the Dining Hall for breakfast. For the first time in a little bit, I got to eat my fill. Or, y''know, eat until they kicked me out, since ''full'' is for other people.


    With breakfast over and hugs and kisses dispensed to Marie and the menace, Saffron stepped the two of us up to the Practice Yard. Marshall duBois stood there waiting for us. The rest of the class, like fourteen Senior Cadets, had already spread themselves out to spar. The Marshall stepped over to us. "Cadet Aetos, would you mind joining the final group for sparring? They need a third to act as ref; you can cycle in with them in turn."


    "Yes, sir." She gave me a peck on the cheek, said, "be careful, love," then left me leaning on my cane watching her receding jiggle physics. I mean, her butt is damn firm, but it still jiggles just a little when she runs. Which she was doing, right up until the Marshall''s hand descended on my shoulder.


    "You''re still recovering?"


    "Yes, sir." I kind of shrugged toward my cane, which leaned between us.


    He paused in thought for a second. "Can you move around slowly without that?" He nodded to my cane.


    I thought about it a moment. "Yes, Sir. I''m not sure I''m up to anything athletic though."


    "Okay then. Set it down for a moment?" I did, then he walked around behind me and leaned in to position my feet and hands into what felt like some kind of martial arts starting stance. Then he walked around in front of me and stood in the same pose. "Now, just do what I do."


    We spent the rest of the morning doing some kind of off-brand Tai Chi. Slow movements that felt like slow motion boxing, maybe, or some other kind of martial art. By mid-morning I''d gotten myself sweaty, and by lunch time I was definitely ready for a break. The slow movements let me move without too much pain, but they still provided a workout. "Thanks, Sir."


    He smiled as he picked up my cane and handed it to me. "Creative solutions are pretty much the only reason I''ve got the big chair instead of Leonard. You''re welcome."


    Saffron provided transport to and from lunch. When we got back up to the Practice Yard, the Marshall was waiting with a three foot long baton. Once he had the others working in groups, this time two versus two groups with a single ref each, he walked over to where I leaned. "Lemme guess. Stick fighting?"


    He smiled and nodded. "It''s a mite different to sword fighting. Most sticks don''t have an edge, for instance, but they also don''t have a flat. It opens up options."


    So we spent the rest of the afternoon doing a kind of slow-motion dancing spar. By the end of the day, I''d gotten totally sweaty, to the point where if my cane hadn''t been Smith made, I''d probably have dropped it a few dozen times already. I''d managed to disarm the Marshall twice when his stick got just as oily sweaty slippery as mine. I''d also managed to get myself up to a reasonable speed. Nothing like actual combat, but fast enough that our sparring sounded more ''clickity clack'' than ''click. click. click''.


    I didn''t realize my mistake until after dinner when I tried to stand. Suffice to say Saffron had to Translocate me to bed, where I just sat there while she undressed me, then hissed as she lay me down on the bed. It took her like ten minutes of singsong soporifics until I managed to relax enough to drift off. At that point I vaguely felt her snuggling up to me, murmuring, "only my Goof."


    Hey, I''m pretty sure I couldn''t date me without killing me on the regular, so I''m glad my wife seems to like me not dead.

 Day Two Hundred And Sixty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    Good news, my body no longer aches too much to move from the shit I did to it on the Equinox, nor from Loki''s treatment; bad news, my body now aches from my first attempt at ''Independent Physical Training''.


    Worst part? I can only blame myself.


    So yesterday we had Combat Training with duBois, after which my body reminded me that I was not, in fact, recovered from my bout of heroic idiocy on the Equinox, no matter how passable I felt when I''d warmed up and worked up a sweat. I''m pretty sure Saffron was laughing at me as I drifted off to sleep, but I can''t really blame her. From the outside I''m sure it''s kinda funny. Y''know, ''ow, ow, ow, I shouldn''t be doing anything, wait, spar with duBois? Sure! Ow, ow, ow, I shouldn''t have done that.'' She helped me get to sleep, too, so if she wants to laugh at me for putting myself in this position, I can''t see where I''ve got a leg to stand on and complain.


    Mimic dreamt of more nasty smells wafting up from the south. Dunno what''s got into her, but I''m sure it''s part of why I haven''t been up to consuming mass quantities lately, if that smell is lingering in my subconscious.


    I woke up right in the middle of Saffron''s boot up sequence. Not nearly as fun as her waking me up with silly seven syllable satisfaction, but pretty fucking adorable nonetheless. When her eyes finally slipped open and she said, "good morning, Goof. You feeling any better?" I nodded, then realized that her fully functional Kitten brain might be able to determine, y''know, why Mimic''s refrigerator has stopped refrigerating. Still, I kinda flexed everything to see if I was still ''not quite dead'', and while my everything grumbled at that, nothing actually felt like I''d just been re-injured.


    "Feeling pretty okay, actually. Had a question for you, though."


    She leaned in to kiss me, then pulled back and said, "go on?"


    If that''s the treatment I get when I''ve got questions for her, I need to think up more questions more often. "Okay, so I don''t remember if you were there or awake for it, but at one point Loki told me that the weird dreams I have are related to Mimic. Do you remember that?"


    If memory serves, she was half asleep and possibly very drunk.


    At the same time she replied, "I don''t remember the occasion, but I vaguely remember him saying something of the sort."


    Thanks for the confirmation, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    "Okay, so the past couple days, like maybe as far back as the Solstice? I keep dreaming that I''ve left the refrigerator open and shit''s started to rot. Or something like that." I kinda petered off, because saying it aloud sounded just a little bit stupid. If Mimic had a refrigerator, it''d have to be the size of Antarctica, and if Antarctica was melting, shit was going horribly, horribly wrong.


    My brilliant Kitten just hummed as she thought it over though, not even her expression betraying a hint of ''my wife is a psycho moron'' the way I''d kind of expected. "Do you get any sense of direction?"


    Not the question I expected. "Uh, yeah, actually. South."


    She nodded. "She... you... find the smell unpleasant, yes?"


    I shrugged. "At first it wasn''t, like, nauseatingly bad, I don''t think? Bad, but sort of ''oh, hey, that''s right, I''ve got formerly fresh veg in the fridge, maybe I should cook something with it'' bad, not ''omigod I want to throw the whole fridge away'' bad."


    She hummed at me, then said, "two related questions. First, is Mimic actually dreaming about a ''refrigerator'', and second, what is a ''refrigerator''?"


    That got me. I stopped and shook my head a little to reset myself, then said, "I don''t think she''s actually thought about a fridge, now that you mention it, but it''s a big insulated box you put food in to keep it from going bad. It''s cold inside. Most of them have a ''freezer'' compartment as well, that keeps stuff frozen. Frozen stuff lasts even longer, but some stuff doesn''t freeze and rethaw well."


    "So, kind of like an icebox?"


    I shrugged again. "I''ve heard the old heads'' old heads calling them that, but I''m really not sure what those are. Most freezers are cold enough to make ice, though."


    She sighed. "Yet another thing I''ll need to research at some future date when time permits."


    "No." Marie''s interruption took both of us by surprise. She remained curled around behind my back, but she definitely wasn''t asleep at this point. Dunno how I could tell, either, but she wasn''t.


    Saffron''s brows knit. "Do you mean I shouldn''t research it?"


    "No."


    "So you mean I shouldn''t wait?"


    "Yes."


    Twenty questions with Marie was typically a lot less fruitful for me than that. Just goes to show how much more effective a functional brain in use can be. More effective than my random collection of internet trivia and memes, anyhow. At any rate, Saffron just nodded and said, "I''ll prioritize that then, as much as I can. As for your dream, if Mimic finds something unpleasant, I can''t think that it''ll be good for us. I''ll have to have some of the Alliance forces to scout to our south, make sure that there isn''t a Norfolk raiding force brewing or something similar."


    "You''re still attending Alliance meetings?"


    Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    She shrugged. "Most days. We''re all taking weekends off, and I''ve been ferrying Lancaster home on weekends."


    "Y''know, if you don''t mind, we really ought to get Larry back here soon."


    She shook her head. "I asked. He''s not dropping out, but he''s prioritizing his changes to Lancaster. Not something I can really fault him for. But if I were to put Leonard back in charge full time, he might kill those changes before they really set in. He might even do it without intending to."


    "So... he''s taking correspondence courses or something?" When she gave me a blank look, I said, "taking a course via the mail." Still more confusion than comprehension. "Via letters to and from the instructors?"


    With that, we had comprehension. "That would require some kind of reliable messenger dedicated to going back and forth between Phileo and Lancaster."


    "Uh..." I wasn''t sure about the feasibility of mail service in the here and now, but some of the books from the Eastside library tickled my brain enough that Saffron noticed.


    "Out with it, Goof."


    "Mail service. It was mostly privatized by my time, but when it was put in place it was a Federal thing; a bunch of message routes with dedicated riders carrying mail to local hubs that distributed it. I think. I''m not sure how much of that was, y''know, all at the same time. I only read about it the once. I wasn''t really a horse girl." Definitely wasn''t. Not my kind of riding at all.


    Her eyes widened. "That... I''m sorry, dear Marie, but I think that might be more important than refrigerators."


    "Fair."


    With arms that only bitched at me a little bit, I snuggled Saffron in for a hug, and it only got better when Marie put her arms around both of us and pulled us closer. Of course right about then the menace wandered in from her room and insisted on worming her way in between Saffron and I. We lay like that for a while, all snuggled in, warm and quiet, until Marie ran a hand over all three of us and, regret clear in her voice, said, "Breakfast."


    Still, while the room wasn''t quite as warm as all four of us under the blankets, it wasn''t horrifically cold, and the warmth of the cuddle puddle did wonders for my pained stiffness. I even managed to tie my own pants. I''d have tried my shirt, but Isnomi smacked my hands away. Apparently that''s her job now. Oh no! Anyway.


    Saffron hopped us down to breakfast, something my legs appreciated far more than I could express in public. If I weren''t so harebrained, I might even try Pavloving her, just to have a response, but, y''know, ''long term plans'' and ''Tabitha'' do not really belong in the same sentence. Breakfast was a little odd. Eggs and fish figured prominently. Spicy Eggs, which I''m always down for, and fish cakes. I''m guessing it stretched the fish out a bit, what with it being a little too early in the season for anything to have been harvested? Also, the fish cakes had that kind of crumbly texture I always associated with cornbread, so maybe they''d dipped into the feed stores for that. Fuck it, it had calories and protein and tasted good, so if anybody had any complaints, they could fuck the fuck off. Only one tray of sausages and one tray of scrapple though. Sadness.


    Once breakfast finished, and the Maids had gone back to their routine of dropping leftover trays at the ROTC table for me to finish up, Saffron and I gave Marie hugs and kisses, because our menace cranked that she wanted to come with us today, and Saffron seemed to think it was okay. She stepped us up to the Practice Yard, where there was, in fact, a complete absence of Marshall duBois.


    "Where''s the Marshall? Or do we have somebody else for PT now?" I asked.


    Saffron smiled at me, the one that told me she wanted to giggle, but didn''t want to hurt my feelings. I smiled at her to let her know I wasn''t gonna take it the wrong way, so she giggled as she said, "Independent means self-instructed, Goof."


    "Oh!" That made sense, now that I thought about it. "Doesn''t anyone have to, like, grade us, or do we grade ourselves?"


    "We can work with one of the Faculty or Staff if we need their expertise or want an objective assessment, but it''s not required."


    "So, it''s an honor system thing?"


    She shrugged. "I''ve not heard it called that, but if it means we''re honor-bound to do our best and grade ourselves accordingly, yes, that''s it exactly."


    "Huh. What do you think I should do?"


    She smiled and nodded. "I''m glad you asked. I hoped you''d let me ease you back into things. I was thinking we start with a run to warm you up, then do some basic weightlifting to make sure you''ve not lost anything meaningful from your injuries. Then in the afternoon we can do a bit of dancing, maybe some more running if you like."


    "Sounds good to me. You good to jog along, Menace?"


    "Yeth!" So we set off. The menace surprised me by keeping up with us for like ten minutes before lifting her arms up toward me and saying, "up!"


    I scooped her up and kept jogging. Not like she weighed all that much, so I set her on my shoulders and considered it that much better, training wise. It got a little weird when we got to weight training, where she''d sit on the bar and force me to balance her shifting weight on top of, y''know, the actual weight Saffron had put on the bar. Hard to believe how much harder one little kid shifting around made lifting a hundred fifty pound bench press, but it sure as shit did.


    At lunch Marie brought around stuff we could eat while jogging, and Saffron had me keep jogging while eating. "You can''t really eat as much without getting sick, but right now I think you''re better off not cooling down until we''re done for the day."


    Of course she said that from the princess carry I had her in while she fed me my fish sandwich bite by bite. When she finished, she ate her own, which bothered me way less than the crumbs in my hair from the menace eating hers while sitting on my shoulder.


    When we finished, she went to join the other folks training, who''d put together an obstacle course in the middle of the Yard. Once again she wound up being a moving obstacle between the climbing ropes and the climbing nets. Saffron and I literally waltzed around the perimeter of the course. Yeah, I prefer the fancier sexy dances, but a Waltz was way better suited to my current level of flexibility, not to mention keeping our daughter from asking about shit neither of us really wanted to talk with her about yet.


    Right as the sun got near the roof, we shifted to jogging around the edge of the Yard again. The menace jogged along beside us for most of it, only jumping up into my arms as the sun set. Saffron stepped over to the pair of us and stepped us back to the Dining Hall.


    Dinner wound up being a thick stew with cornbread. Although apparently nobody but me and the other ROTC folk even guessed that it was made of corn, the rest were all pretty impressed, especially since we had plenty of butter and preserves to spread on it. Our table and the gobbos wound up with some extras as well; plates of shrimp with some kind of spicy sauce. In our case, we''d tried Marie''s shrimp before, and the gobbos were too much children of the Yards to pass up food without trying it.


    I nommed hard, because for once I actually felt hungry. Maybe I needed the food to heal. Probably something like that. Two hours after we started, the Maids started bringing me leftovers. I spent another half hour packing stuff in while the menace napped and Saffron just watched me, leaning with one elbow on the table, her hand in her chin, smiling softly while the Menace in her lap leaned against her, snoring.


    Then I tried to stand up.


    Pain. My arms were fine, since I''d kept them moving, but my legs informed me that I no longer had joints below the waist, and that sitting was my life now. Saffron just smiled, reached out, and took my hand. A moment later I sat on the edge of the bed, Saffron sitting in our chair in front of me.


    "Ow."


    "I know, love. Let me put her down and then I''ll help you to bed."


    "I love you."


    "And I you, love." Then The Grin made an appearance and she sing songed, "be with you in a moment."


    Endorphins help with frozen up muscles. Who knew?

 Day Two Hundred And Sixty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    One of the weirdest things about being an adult has nothing to do with maturity and everything to do with age. When you''re five years old, the odds that something that happened a year ago will come back and bite you in the ass? Pretty fuckin'' slim. On the other hand, the older you get, the more of those ass-biting landmines you lay for yourself. I''m guessing at some point I''ll get to the point of thinking ''fuck, not again'', but for the moment? When shit from more than a month ago bites me in the ass I''m still stunned by it.


    So last night Saffron managed to get my frozen up limbs to unfreeze long enough to get me into something resembling a sleeping position. Okay, she totally forced me to use her as a body pillow. ''Forced''. Yeah. Like I wouldn''t have begged her for it if I''d known it was an option. But to be fair my limbs still weren''t, y''know, responding properly. She''d just gotten them to the point that they didn''t scream at me when she moved them, and she tucked her thigh between mine, used one of my arms for a pillow and lay my other across her in a kind of night-long hug. That''s not a complaint, mind you. It was definitely a feature, not a bug.


    Mimic is definitely not copacetic about the horrid stench coming from down south. Which, y''know, I wouldn''t be either. If down south makes flowers wilt when you walk past the garden, you need to do something about that shit. Deodorant, douche, soap and water, something, because it''s not supposed to make dead fish sit up and say, "what the fuck is that stench?"


    Woke up to Saffron drooling on my tits. Which, unlike the stench from down south, was less ''ew'' and more ''aw''. Fuckin'' adorable is what it was. Would have been adorably fuckable if the menace hadn''t draped herself across all three of us. Kinda like she wanted to make sure that she''d claimed all three of her parents as hers and hers alone. Good lord, what I wouldn''t give to put that on the front of a kids'' book and watch the neo-Puritans blow a gasket. "Isnomi has three moms." Seriously, it''d be an awesome filter. Normal straights might be ''huh, that''s odd, how?'' but other than glancing through it wouldn''t give it a second thought. Queer folks would probably be more ''cool! yeah! sweet!'', except maybe the TERFs, but fuck the TERFs sideways with the rotating pineapple attachment. Wouldn''t even need to do that to the neo-Puritans. They''d just take one look and explode like that dude from Big Trouble in Little China.


    Aunties, VCR, bored kid, Gracie Law, Jack Burton, me hoping the aunties didn''t notice exactly how often I watched that VHS after lights out, or how often it was paused at the end of one of Kim''s scenes rather than one of Kurt''s. Yeah, if I had one thing to tell my younger self, it would probably be ''you''re Bi, twit, revel in that shit''. Which really does say something about how I felt about my life now, what with ''do not go to the Aquarium and get shot in the head'' not even making the fuckin'' list.


    Anywho, feeling Saffron''s boot up sequence in my cleavage was an interesting experience. Her nose crinkled, tickling just enough to let me know it tickled, but not enough for me to cringe away. Her tongue darting out as she tasted the air, only, y''know, there not being ''air'' so much as ''inter-mammary skin'' to taste. Again with the tickling just enough to make me smile, which only got wider when her lashes tickled me as she blinked herself awake. Not sure if I liked the whole mid-boob boot up sequence or not. More data required, please.


    She tilted her head back to look at me, smiling as she said, "you''re lucky Isnomi''s still asleep on top of us."


    "Pfft. What would you do if she wasn''t? Ride my face like a bicycle? Oh, no, don''t throw me in that briar patch!"


    She grinned up at me. Or, rather, Grinned up at me. "You seem to think that my imagination holds no terrors for you."


    Looking down into her eyes, I definitely got butterflies in everyplace Mother Nature never intended them to be. Although maybe she did? Sure as shit put enough of them there. Wait, wasn''t Mother Nature Demeter or Gaia or some shit? I could, I dunno, go fuckin'' ask her. Of course, the fact that my brain started throwing, ''go ask the Primordial Deity of Nature about why fear and sex are interwoven so hard'' at me to distract me from Saffron''s delightfully infernal Grin probably said something about exactly how hard that Grin hit. "That''s not fair."


    "Did I ever say anything about caring about fairness?"


    "I''m not sure? It was definitely implied, though. What with you willingly climbing into Marie''s tub that first time."


    Her Grin split for her response, and I got to watch her train of thought slide sideways through the station as Marie interrupted by quietly declaiming, "True."


    Her face suddenly terrifyingly serious, she said, "I will have you both know that I make a note of every time I am denied in any way by either of you, and someday in the future you," she gently bonked her head into my chest, "will be the sole target of every ounce of comeuppance I have stockpiled."


    Before I could even think of a reply over the sudden butterfly horde taking over everyplace south of my neck, Marie replied to Saffron. "Nice."


    "You will sit still and watch."


    "Fuck."


    I couldn''t help it, I started giggling. "Yeah, I''m pretty sure that''s exactly what she''s talking about, oh Feline Goddess of Home and Hearth."


    Isn''t that my job?


    Cooking, sewing, cleaning, fucking, name me one of those that you''re confident you''re better than her at.


    Fuck. And no, I''m not claiming superior expertise in that realm, I am simply acknowledging your point. Please never ask her if she can fish. A Deity needs some sense of superiority, you know.


    Wouldn''t think of it, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know. I think.


    "Are you sure that''s what I''m talking about?" Holy shit she was good at engendering butterfly uprisings.


    "Is it better or worse that I''m not sure which excites me more?"


    "Yes." Marie barely got that out before she started quivering with intermingled giggles and purrs. That started Saffron giggling.


    Before I lost the capacity for speech I said, "Oh, no. Not an even bigger, thornier briar patch. How thorny can these briar patches get?"


    At which point the menace piped up with, "Wath a bwiah path?"


    When the three of us stopped giggling about that, Saffron and Marie got up and started getting everyone dressed while I told Isnomi what I remembered about Brer Rabbit. Which wasn''t much, pretty much just the old tale of the trickster who gets the bad guys to throw him into someplace that they thought of as terrifying, but he thought of as a home away from home.


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    Which, considering how often I thought of Saffron''s ought-to-be-bone-chilling pronouncements with a sense of overriding anticipation that made me call them ''briar patches'', probably said a lot about my own proclivities.


    Anywho, by the time story time was done, everybody was dressed and Saffron popped us all down to breakfast. I definitely realized how much the local cuisine depended on the season, what with how much fish had started replacing other stuff. Kinda weird that what with the food prejudice going on, the predominantly Bag ROTC and Gobbo tables were getting a lot more variation in our diet, since the Maids were bringing us corn and shrimp stuff without hesitation now.


    At the end of breakfast the menace went with Marie for the day at Saffron''s suggestion, and the two of us made our relatively slow way up to the library, where the Law and Custom class met. When we got there, Doc DeLeon and Sister Cheryl stood at what I still thought of as the ''check out desk'', and all the seats had been taken, with lots of Cadets standing as well. There must have been like thirty of us in the first floor of the Library, although I didn''t see or hear anyone on the other floors. Saffron started to move like she was gonna roust somebody out to get me a chair, but I lay a hand on her shoulder, shook my head, and leaned against a bookshelf, propping myself up with my cane and my Kitten. She seemed mollified by her place under my arm, and right about then Doc DeLeon started talking.


    "Good Morning, class. Today we begin your formal instruction in the Laws and Customs of Phileo City. Those of you who have been here longer may note that the name of the class has been changed as of this season. This is because while as Heroes of Phileo City you will be required to know the Laws and Customs of the people of Phileo City, as of early last winter Phileo City itself has become part of a greater political unit, which has been referred to informally as the Inter-City Alliance. As such, you will be, as a class, in a very privileged position, moreso than Heroes in the past or, I daresay, Heroes of the future."


    He paused to make sure everybody was still, like, awake. Which I might not have been if I hadn''t been standing up. Also, a completely non-butterfly twist in my gut had me on the tiniest bit of an edge. Not so much ''danger sense'' as Murphy warning sense. At any rate, once satisfied we were all keeping up, Doc DeLeon continued. "Most Cadets are well aware that it is part of the duties of a Hero to adjudicate the Laws of Phileo City. In addition, from my reading of the treaty which formed the Alliance, Heroes from any Alliance City may be called on to adjudicate the Law in any Alliance City, so long as they have been trained in the Laws and Customs of that City."


    Saffron''s hand shot up, and Doc DeLeon frowned a little as he said, "yes, Cadet Aetos?"


    "While I''m glad to hear that your reading meshes with the intentions of the treaty''s authors, I would dearly love to hear your thoughts on other possible interpretations."


    From one of the study carrels in front of us, a student piped up, "How would you know the authors inten..." Cadet Smith popped her head up to look back at us, froze, and with a muttered, "of course you do," slid back into her seat. On the one hand, I really wasn''t thrilled with having Senior Cadet Smith as a replacement rival for Lancaster. On the other hand, she seemed a fuckton smarter than Larry was back in the day, which meant this was likely to be a battle of the wits rather than a battle of wills.


    Wait. Shit. She wasn''t my personal nemesis.


    She was Saffron''s.


    Fuck. Well, whatever, she''d helped me with Larry, time for me to do my part, right?


    Doc DeLeon glared around the classroom; normally he was way more level headed. I glanced at Sister Cheryl, wondering if she was gonna be ''good cop'' to his ''mad cop'', but once I did I realized that she was probably the one who had placed a beetle in his rectum. She looked actively pissed off at everyone in the room, Doc DeLeon included, whereas he was just kinda irked at the interruptions. I decided right then and there to zip my lip and convince Saffron to zip hers. Which I did by virtue of sliding her around in front of me, interlacing my fingers with hers, and pulling them around behind me. I''m not sure if she quite got that I was preventing her from interrupting by keeping her from raising her hand, or if she just thought I wanted to play slightly subtle grab-ass while Doc DeLeon lectured, but either way she kept out of trouble and my ass got grabbed, so... win win, amirite?


    At any rate, he cleared his throat and continued. "As such, in addition to the class'' normal curriculum of the Laws and Customs of Phileo City, each of you will be expected to study the Laws and Customs of one of the other Alliance Cities. In the future, each City will have its own dedicated class here at the Phileo Academy, but for here and now, this is it."


    Cadet Smith''s hand popped up. When Doc DeLeon acknowledged her, she asked, "That''s very forward thinking, Doctor, but how will we study both at the same time?"


    He nodded. "That is an excellent question. The answer, as unpleasant as this may be from a student''s perspective, is that you will required to do somewhat more than twice the independent work as previous classes have done. Essentially, for every Case Study, Essay, and Research Paper you would normally complete regarding the Laws and Customs of Phileo City, you will be expected to complete one from your chosen non-Phileo City as well."


    Cadet Smith''s hand popped up, "Which Cities are those, Doctor?"


    "Excellent question, Cadet Smith. At present the Inter-City Alliance consists of Phileo City, New Amsterdam, Calverton City, Newark, and Camden Yards."


    The moment those last words left his mouth, Cadet Smith''s hand shot up again. "Why are we studying Camden Yards'' Laws and Customs like they''re a separate City?"


    While I kinda liked Saffron using my ass as her own personal stress balls, I''m not sure I''d survive the rest of the introductory lecture, let alone the whole semester. "Because as we have recently been reminded by a few rather perceptive Cadets, Camden Yards is, in fact, it''s own legal entity separate and apart from Phileo City. Unlike many of the Cities suborned by New Amsterdam, we never formally absorbed Camden Yards, and as such they have asserted their legal right to be considered a separate City from a legal perspective. As they have had Phileo''s Laws dictated to them for much of that time, their own Legal structure has changed to mirror ours, but their Customs are, in many ways, substantially different. Some of you may consider Camden Yards to be the ''easy'' selection, but trust me, the very fact that the differences in Law are subtle, yet meaningful, and the Customs are often overlooked by Phileo citizens will make them a far more difficult choice than it might first appear."


    "If you say so, Doctor. How are we supposed to do twice the classwork in what was already one of the more academically challenging courses at the Academy?"


    I blame my blurted response on Saffron. You squeeze a stress ball hard enough stuff just pops out. "We''re supposed to shut up and soldier and get that shit done."


    Doc DeLeon cleared his throat to forestall Cadet Smith''s inevitable response, then, after shaking his head and rubbing his temples a little, said, "while Cadet Diaz'' comment may be more flippant, less politic than I would have preferred, I''m afraid she is, in essence, correct. The lecture portion of the course has been cut back substantially, allowing you more time for independent work, and also allowing me more time to work with each of you directly. In addition, Archivist Saturday, Sister Cheryl, will be available to assist you as well; while her knowledge of law specifically might not be as deep as mine, her knowledge of academia in general and the written resources available to you in particular will make her an invaluable resource for your independent work."


    He paused, looked around to make sure everyone was following, then said, "also, in addition to your normal work, there will be an unusual opportunity for extra credit, one your predecessors and your successors will likely not have nearly so often. Anyone providing confirmed written resources regarding the Laws and Customs of Alliance Cities will receive credit for doing so in direct proportion to how exhaustive the resources are. You will have full access to the books here in the Library, and as you might guess from that extra credit opportunity, we are looking to procure more copies of the books on Laws and Customs of other Alliance Cities for your use as we speak. Students making legible, complete, usable copies of our existing texts will also receive credit, since one cannot copy a text without, in theory, reading it."


    Nobody''s come up with a Photocopy Spell?


    A what now?


    Later, Kitten.


    At this point Sister Cheryl, who had been stewing the whole time, stepped forward. I realized as she stood next to Doc DeLeon that she couldn''t be much more than an inch taller than Saffron, and I was reminded forcibly about comments about not angering short people, because they were closer to Hell already. "Normally I would note that there are enough copies of Law and Custom of Phileo City for each of you to use one during class time, but at some time in the past year someone stole a copy. So until that copy is returned, no extra credit will be given for any additional copies of Law and Custom of Phileo City. This is non-negotiable."


    Fuck.


    Not until you return that copy without her catching you, Goof.

 Day Two Hundred And Sixty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    It''s strange sometimes how quickly something can become a new normal.


    Yesterday''s Law and Custom class wound up being pretty chill, despite Sister Cheryl looking like she wanted to kill somebody over her missing book. I mean, for a quantity of ''wanted to kill somebody'' that was like, two steps from being ''cute anime pout''. She was absolutely serious about limiting the extra credit to shit other than ''Law and Custom of Phileo'' until she got her thirtieth copy back. Feeling a little bad that shit I''d done without thinking about it was biting everybody else in the butt, I wandered over to her once the lecture portion was over and she''d handed out handwritten copies of the syllabus, which included a full list of our assignments as well as a range of extra credit points for found or copied books on Laws and Customs of any Alliance Cities.


    "Hey, Sister?"


    She turned to me, the pout melting into the smile I remembered from my Remedial Celtic class. "Yes, Tabitha? How can I help you?"


    "Um... I still kinda need to practice my written Celtic."


    She nodded, but shrugged at the same time. "You''ve passed the written portion of Remedial Celtic, but your desire to achieve more than the bare minimum is admirable."


    I felt a blush roll across my face. Oddly enough I couldn''t tell if it was really embarrassment about being praised, about my dumb shit splattering on my classmates, or just my Blend making me look a little more innocent. "Yeah, thanks, Sister. But I was thinking about trying to hunt down that missing book, but then I realized that I could practice my written Celtic by making a new handwritten copy?"


    She frowned. "I couldn''t give you extra credit for it. I meant what I said."


    I shook my head, "oh, I get that. And I think I''m gonna need all the extra credit I can get for this class. But if I did that, could any extra copies after replacing the missing one count?"


    She thought about it for a second before tilting her head and saying, "honestly, I''m not sure if the missing one is handwritten or printed, only that Archivist Auriemma''s last inventory showed thirty copies, and now there are only twenty-nine." She sighed. "I suppose I''m being a little draconian about insisting that the missing copy be returned. For all I know, Auriemma had it with her that day at the Aquarium, and it''s now sitting at the bottom of the river. Whatever''s left of it, that is; I don''t think she would have taken one of the reference copies with her."


    "Reference copies?"


    She nodded. "For books where we know they''ll be used by many students every season, we''ve had at least one copy enchanted to resist anything likely to happen to it. As such they''re generally fireproof, waterproof, acid proof, and highly resistant to impact or bleaching. They''re also much harder to tear."


    I nodded my understanding. "That''s really cool! I kinda wish I had more of a knack for enchanting things; maybe I could turn some more of the good copies into reference copies for you."


    She blinked at me. "I hadn''t even thought about that, but I would definitely argue that doing so for any of our books on the Laws or Customs of Alliance Cities ought deserve some extra credit as well."


    "So, um... if I make that copy to replace the missing one, everybody''ll be able to get extra credit for making copies of it again?"


    She didn''t even hesitate this time. "Certainly. That seems more than fair. And, should the missing copy somehow turn up after that, I''ll make sure you get credit for making that replacement copy."


    "Thanks, Sister." I paused, then asked, "you guys are planning on exporting the extra copies to the other Cities, aren''t you?"


    She smiled at me. "So clever. Doctor DeLeon''s idea, but once we''ve a full class set of each work, we definitely plan to. We just need to find a Library in each City likely to be incorporated into their own Heroic training programs."


    "I thought they all had Academies?"


    She shrugged. "New Amsterdam does, but it''s hardly a patch on our own. Newark doesn''t, but I''ve heard rumors they might start one very closely modeled on ours. Camden Yards..." She lowered her voice. "this is still something of a secret, but you are sleeping with the Imperator, after all. Inter-City Councilwoman Driver has already approached Headmaster Miles about training Heroes specifically for Camden Yards."


    I nodded, pretending I''d heard that before. Not like my Kitten would have kept it secret from me, but we had so much high priority shit going on for so long there were plenty of mundane details I''m sure we hadn''t shared. "Are they gonna be trained different or something?"


    Sister Cheryl shook her head. "Not fundamentally, no. In fact, Law and Custom is probably the only course that will be meaningfully different for them. Where Phileo Heroes will be required to take Law and Custom focused on Phileo, Camden Yards Heroes will be required to take one focused on Camden Yards. Both curriculums will require an additional City''s Laws and Customs be studied, and I expect many, if not all, to focus on Phileo, what with us being right across the river. Oh, and apparently they''d have different uniforms."


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    "Really?"


    She nodded. "Blue jackets instead of red ones. Identical otherwise, of course."


    I nodded, then said, "That''s really cool to hear. If you don''t mind, I''m gonna go see if there''s a copy of Law and Custom of Phileo I can use to start copying?"


    "Before you do, come here." She led me back behind the front desk and pulled out a stack of paper and one of the ubiquitous Mana Pens. "There you go, since you''re so eager to get started. On behalf of your fellows who might need the extra credit, not to mention the students who will use your copy in the future, I thank you."


    "Ah, de nada, Sister. Just doing my part." Really, just fixing my screw up, but she didn''t need to know that.


    When I tracked down my Kitten, she''d managed to grab a copy of Law and Custom for us to share for the day. With that in hand, she led me up to the top floor of the Library where there were small private rooms to work in. She led me by the hand into one of those, pushed the door closed behind us, and unless I totally misread her gesture, Mineral Bonded it shut. "Okay, Goof. Off with the Blend."


    I lifted an eyebrow. "Not exactly what I expected when you led me to a private room and locked the doors, but what the hell, I''m game." I dropped my Blend and my hands went fuzzy and mostly black. Thin lines of white covered my hands. "Holy shit, I did a number on myself, didn''t I?"


    She just rolled her eyes, set the copy of Law and Custom on the table, and flipped it open to the first page. "Yes, you did, Goof. Now, start copying."


    I frowned, but sat down and got to work. "Why am I dropping my Blend to do this again?"


    Her hands massaged my shoulders, taking a lot of the pain away as I started writing. "Because I doubt Sister Cheryl would give you credit for a copy written partially in English."


    "Fair point."


    I spent the rest of the day copying the book line by painstaking line. I think I learned almost as much as I used to in one of our old Friday sessions.


    By dinner time I''d barely gotten halfway through the book, although I''d begun speeding up once I got most of the vocabulary in the book down. I mean, gotten it down in written Celtic, that is. I pushed my Blend back up, Saffron Mana Bladed the door free and we stepped out of the private study room to find Sister Cheryl sitting at the central desk on this floor. She tilted her head and tried to hide her smile as she said, "should I ask if that room will require more than the typical amount of cleaning, ladies?"


    I laughed. "Nah, I just needed a quiet space to copy stuff down. I''m still not what I''d call proficient. And you know me, any distraction and I''m gonna flake out."


    "I''m surprised your partner doesn''t count as a distraction."


    I pouted. "If I don''t concentrate, she stops distracting me."


    That got both of them laughing. We put the original copy of Law and Custom back on the shelf on our way out, then headed to our room for the night.


    Mimic dreamt of trying to vibe and stargaze while ignoring the stench in the southerly regions. Vibe? Check. Stars? Gazed. Stench? Persistently unignored.


    Woke to the menace shaking our shoulders. "Ma! Mama! Up! Cwass time!"


    "What''s got into you, my Girl?"


    "Cwass! Docdur Theccardi!"


    Should I be worried that she''s found her first little crush, or glad that he''s so obviously into guys?


    Perhaps being glad that he seems trustworthy might be appropriate as well.


    Fair point, fair point. Welp, off we go.


    After watching the menace set speed records for eating, not to mention declaring us done with like half an hour to go before class time, I decided I was just gonna take my little win where I found it and let Saffron step the three of us up to class. We got settled in and chatted about whether we liked fish cakes or pancakes more, eventually settling on Lancaster House waffles as the dark horse winner by a nose. Right about then the profs showed up, and the menace scrambled out of her seat and tiptoe-sprinted over to Doc Zeccardi, saying, "up! Up!"


    He glanced to us, and at Saffron''s subtle nod, he squatted down and said, "What do we say when we''re asking someone for something?"


    "Up... now?"


    Zeccardi and I laughed, but Saffron frowned and said, "I know I have taught you better manners than that, my girl."


    The menace rolled her eyes at her mom, then turned back to Doc Zeccardi and said, "Up, pwease?"


    With that he reached out and she jumped up into his arms. He proceeded to handle his part of the class discussion with a menace on his hip for the rest of the morning.


    When Marie arrived with lunch, I realized I''d decided. We''re really fuckin'' lucky.


    How so, Goof?


    Because with him treating her like this, she sure as shit won''t put up with bullshit from guys treating her badly.


    She looked up at me as the menace dragged Doctors Zeccardi and Glass back to our section of the classroom to eat lunch with her. Were you really worried about someone abusing her? After she handled Conrad so handily?


    I smiled down and kissed her forehead. Physically? Not in the slightest. Emotionally? There she''s still just a kid, Kitten.


    The wisdom of my Goddess is indeed boundless.


    You just like my linguistic skills.


    Those are indeed a pleasant side benefit.


    Most of the afternoon was spent listening to a three way discussion between the Hero in class, Doc Zeccardi, and Sister Siobhan about triage and trauma Healing. Mostly I secretly watched the menace''s head swiveling back and forth tracking Doc Zeccardi as he walked back and forth while he spoke. Honestly, I''m pretty sure she was just fascinated by him as a kind of grandfather figure more than anything else, but it was still cute to watch her as she sat in my lap, totally absorbed by the back and forth. She still fell asleep before dinner, and when Saffron stepped us back to our rooms, I felt good enough to carry her to bed and tuck her in.


    Unfortunately, my brilliant linguistic skills aside, my beautiful wife stuck to her guns regarding your girl Tabitha and shenanigans. Gave me some solid fuckin'' motivation to get that copy done or find a way to sneak our stolen copy back into the library though.


    Not sure whether the very blatant demonstration that Marie was under no such restrictions helped or hindered my motivation, but it certainly underscored her point.

 Day Two Hundred And Sixty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    Okay, when a Trickster God looks askance at your Rube Goldberg of a plan, you may need to re-evaluate your planning skills.


    So, Isnomi slept through the night last night. I know this, because after a night spent trying to ignore the stench to the south while gazing at the stars looking for mom, my wife and maid woke me up snogging. On the one hand, I felt kinda good that I''d moved back to my ''bookend'' position with Saffron in between us while we slept, since that meant they both thought I''d recovered enough to, y''know, not need them protecting me while I slept. On the other hand?


    "Really?"


    Saffron just Grinned at me and said, "consider it motivation to get that book back to Sister Cheryl."


    I smiled back, because I had A Plan. "Nah. But I''m gonna get the prohibition on extra credit for Law and Custom of Phileo lifted."


    "Really?"


    I nodded. "Yep. I might need a little help though."


    Now she raised an eyebrow. "What kind of help do you need?"


    "Not much. Just to take the menace to Loki''s today for some time with Sigyn." I turned to Marie. "How often do you guys clean out the unused rooms?"


    And what will you be doing this fine Monday, my Champion?


    SHENANIGANS! Plots and plans and UN-stealing things!


    Paper rustled. This I cannot wait to see.


    She looked at me while putting on her Maid''s outfit. "Yearly."


    "Like, once a year you clean all the unused rooms, or you clean out rooms once they''re vacant and then you clean them once a year?"


    After a brief pause while she pulled her dress on over her head, she said, "Latter."


    "If there''s anything damaged in the room, do you fix it right then, or before you open it up?"


    "Yearly."


    A mischievous grin spread across my face. "When''s the next yearly cleaning and repair?"


    "Equinox."


    When I asked, "Summer?" she nodded. I couldn''t help it, I rubbed my hands together with a mad cackle.


    Saffron, who''d gone into the other room to collect Isnomi, came back in and stood her on the bed to help her get dressed. "Should I ask why you''re doing a reasonable impression of a madwoman?"


    "Nope." Before she could get another word in, I crowed, "Plausible deniability!"


    She nodded. "Well then. I''ll be off. Will you be joining us later?"


    "Absolutely. I want to see what Loki thinks of Magnificent Plan!"


    I wait with bated breath.


    Okay, I''d been shuffling around like an old head all week, and I finally felt spry enough to get up to some shady shit. Which, frankly, I hadn''t done in a while, and I missed it a little bit. I gave Saffron and Isnomi hugs and kisses, at which point she turned to Marie. "Would you like to come with us today?"


    Marie shook her head, frowning slightly when she said, "Can''t."


    "Well. Let Tabitha know if you finish before she comes to join us."


    "Yes!"


    With that the two of them stepped away, and I''m sure I heard more rustling somewhere in the back of my brain. "Hey, Marie? Could you do me a favor?" When she looked at me, I said, "nothing awful. I''m just gonna need a soup tureen full of water at the Library after breakfast. At that she nodded, and I said, "Thanks, sweetie!" then hopped up to give her a kiss before she left for her morning of Marie things.


    I pushed my Blend up, popped The Dress on, then walked to the Armoire and pulled my purloined books out of the drawer. I set them on the desk, then Co-Located down to the Dining Hall for breakfast, dropping the Blend on the me there back to normal. I felt kinda weird what with nobody else at the ROTC table, but a minute after the doors opened the crew rolled in. Well, some of the crew. Fred and Raven. "Guys! When did you get back?"


    Fred looked a little surprised to see me sitting there, and Raven beat him to the answer when she said, "yesterday. Angel and Bill were with us, but they''ve got Devotions today."


    "Right, right. It''s great to see you guys!" I hopped out of my seat and walked over to give each of them a hug before getting back to the Serious Business of eating.


    Raven took the hug in stride; maybe she tensed up a little, but she wasn''t, like, totally averse to touching. Lachlan still had hands, after all. Well, he did last time I saw him. Fred, on the other hand, looked a little bit poleaxed. As I sat back down, I remembered that I was wearing The Dress, and since I''d insta-changed into it, I''d forgotten the expected item. After a few seconds to reboot, he said, "why are you all dressed up today?"


    I nodded, trying to look all wise and shit, what with being a High Priestess of a God of Wisdom and all.


    Wisdom?


    What? It says so right on your temple.


    Anyway, I said, "I''m doing High Priestess things today. Just like my Boss does in all the stories, I''m the one who''s gonna set shit straight."


    "Wait, what?"


    Wait, what?


    "C''mon, everything from conning Odin''s general contractor when the one-eyed monster promised to pay more than he had, to being the fall guy when shit goes south, who''s the one who manages to turn a loss into a win for Asgard in every story he''s in?"


    Fred tilted his head sideways, like the thought wouldn''t quite fit in unless he shoved it into his ear. "Okay, point. So what are you fixing today?"


    "Somebody stole a book from the library, and I''m gonna help Sister Cheryl find it."


    Raven interrupted, saying, "wait, wait, wait. As High Priestess of Loki you''re the one who''s finding stolen property?"


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    I nodded, grinning at her. "absolutely. Who better to catch a rogue than another rogue, right? Besides, you two are focusing on the wrong thing."


    "Oh?" asked Fred.


    "Yeah. It''s breakfast, and it looks like endless cornbread muffins and butter today. Time to get our eat on."


    As I said earlier, I''d Co-Located down to the Dining Hall. While one of me sat there very visibly going ham on the ham, the other me picked up the books, wrapped a strip of copy paper around them to hold them together, and stepped to a room I hadn''t been since the day I met Loki. Before my feet hit the floor, I hit my MIMIC (Size) to shrink to the size of the smallest book, maybe fashion doll sized overall, Translocated to lay face down atop the falling books, then Translocated into the big bottom drawer of Auriemma''s desk. I wound up kinda pressed between the books and the top of the drawer, but that was fine by me. I reached out and Mineral Bonded a spot of the drawer to the desk itself, then stepped back to our rooms, taking the strip of paper with me. Finally I stepped back to the me in the Dining Hall.


    You''re blaming the theft of the books on a dead woman?


    Okay, first of all, she''s dead. Is this gonna fuck with her afterlife somehow?


    Well... no. But her reputation?


    Yeah, as the Archivist? The Book Lady? Shit, I can think of half a dozen reasons why she''d take a couple books back to her room, and at least half of them qualify as ''taking her work home with her''. Which isn''t exactly ''omigod, what a fiend'' material, is it?


    So how are you going to disclose their location?


    Wait and see, Boss!


    I stepped back to myself and spent the rest of breakfast erasing the slight aches at my rapid repeated Translocations with vast amounts of cornbread, butter, and fruit preserves. I''m not even sure what kind of preserves, really. Just, y''know, sweet and sticky and eminently nommable. When breakfast was done, I stepped to the Library and went looking for Sister Cheryl. I found her in the Archivist''s office. Before I could say anything, she looked up and said, "can I help you, High Priestess Diaz?"


    I smiled at her casual, unaffected use of the title that matched my outfit. Is it weird that I felt kind of proud of being recognized as Loki''s High Priestess? Y''know, what with the whole lifelong atheism thing?


    I should hope not. After all, you''re not an atheist now, are you?


    Maybe.


    After a moment of stunned mental silence, Loki thought, You''ve... you''ve met me. You''ve met other Deities. You are yourself the Avatar of a Deity. HOW?


    I shrugged. Like the wise woman says, ''that''s no call to go believing in them. It only encourages ''em''.


    I ignored the sound of a paper bag slithering out of somebody''s hand and dropping to the floor, looked at Sister Cheryl and said, "I had an idea about finding the missing book."


    She carefully put away the book she''d been working with and turned to face me. "How?"


    I shrugged. "Loki showed me how to Scry on people. When I was in Lancaster, I learned how to do it to buildings. I figure I could do it to the missing book."


    She nodded. "That makes sense. Will you need any assistance from me?"


    "I''ll need all the current copies in the library; that way I can kinda look for the ''missing piece'' of the set. I hoped you''d come with me to wherever it is, if you have time?"


    She smiled up at me. "I would normally say that any staff member leaving the Academy is generally accompanied by a Guard, but I suppose the woman who destroyed two Armies will do."


    "Hey, we can even take Marie along!"


    I pretended not to notice Sister Cheryl''s involuntary shudder. "Well. The two of you certainly will do for bodyguards, I suppose." She stood and said, "come with me."


    She led me down to the shelf where the whole class set lived, then carefully counted out twenty nine books. "Good. I''d hoped that none were in use. Will you need anything else for your scrying?" Just then Marie came into the library, a tureen atop her cart. Cheryl cocked her head and said, "lunch already? Did I lose track of time?"


    "Nope, she''s here to help out with the scrying." I turned to Marie and said, "could you put the tureen on the floor here?" and pointed right in front of the bookshelf with the class set of Law and Custom of Phileo. As she did so, setting it down so smoothly that the ripples settled almost immediately, I said, "thanks, Marie. Wait here, please, we won''t be more than a minute."


    It actually took me more like three to sort out the shaping, since I wasn''t looking for a person or the whole of something that I had a piece of, but once I properly wrapped my head around the idea that the ''missing'' book was part of the set I was staring at, the water clouded, then went black. Sister Cheryl frowned. "Well. At least you tried?"


    I shook my head. "Nah, that just means it''s somewhere dark. Gimme a second." I slowly pulled the viewpoint back until I saw stone in front of me, then rotated it around, through the wall, and into the room to show the desk. I pulled back a little more until we all saw the adjoining door, then pulled out to show a door with a missing nameplate. "Do you know where that is, Marie?"


    She shrugged, tilted her head, then said, "Outside?" While Sister Cheryl looked confused, over the course of the past six months I''d somehow learned to translate from Monosyllable Marie to, y''know, normal person. I swung the viewpoint around to look at the outside wall of the Academy again, then pulled back until the viewpoint showed most of the front of the Academy. Right before I showed the whole thing, including the mural I hadn''t really gotten used to yet, Marie said, "Yes."


    "Lead on, love."


    I swear if she didn''t have full body fur, Marie would have been blushing at that. After putting the tureen back in her cart, she led us out of the library, pushing her cart ahead of her. We had to go to the north stairwell to get up with the cart, but once we got a few stories up, she led us directly to Archivist Auriemma''s old room. Sister Cheryl reached for the door, and when it wouldn''t open pulled out a little token on a necklace, waved it at the door, and opened it up. Inside the desk sat right where we''d seen it in my scrying pool. She reached down and tugged at the drawer, but it refused to open.


    "Well. That would explain why we didn''t find them when we cleared the room." She looked at me, opened her mouth, then stopped as if just realizing something. She turned to Marie and said, "open the drawer."


    Before Marie could move I said, "if you would, please."


    Sister Cheryl turned, mouth dropping open as if to say something, then shook her head. "Pardon me, High Priestess." Before I could reply she turned back to Marie and said, "apologies to yourself as well, Maenad Marie. Could you please open the drawer?"


    "Broken?"


    Sister Cheryl sighed. "Since at the moment it won''t open, it might as well be."


    Marie took hold of the drawer''s handle and pulled. Right as the desk started to slide across the floor the handle popped off in her hand. With an annoyed growl, she pulled her hand back, used her other hand to brace the desk against the wall, and rammed her claws through the front of the drawer. She clenched her fist, and the drawer front crumpled with a sound like a toppling tree. Nodding, she dropped the remains of the drawer front on top of the desk, then frowned and put a finger into her mouth.


    While Sister Cheryl knelt to examine the drawer and pull out its contents, I reached up and took Marie''s hand out of her mouth. For a moment her arm didn''t budge, but when I said, "Marie... I''m the immature one," she smiled and let me look. An inch-long splinter black as the wood of the desk stuck out of her fingertip. I took hold of her hand, said, "don''t flinch," gripped the splinter and pulled it out. She tensed, but didn''t move, and I smiled up at her. "Good girl." When she couldn''t decide whether to not-blush or raise an eyebrow, I bent over and kissed her fingertip as the delivery method for a Heal Injury.


    When I turned back to Sister Cheryl, she had a stack of books about half again as big as the one I''d put there. "Well. It looks like the books missing from the library weren''t stolen, just misplaced." She sighed, putting a hand on the desk. "Such a loss, don''t you think?"


    I shrugged. "I didn''t know her. She died the day before I got to the Academy."


    She pulled herself together and straightened up, the books in her arms. "Thank you, High Priestess Diaz. Will I be seeing Cadet Diaz later for more copying work?"


    I shook my head as I smiled. "Nah. I''ve got Devotion Day things to do." When she''d left with the books, I turned to Marie and said, "and as for you, my lovely recovery assistant?" I put a hand on her cart to help balance as I stood on tiptoe to plant a kiss on her surprised lips, and stepped us both to Loki''s cave. "In my professional medical opinion, you need to rest and recover from your injury in the line of duty. For the rest of the day, at the least."


    Then I turned and bowed to Saffron, Loki, Sigyn, and Isnomi, who''d started clapping prompted by an initial slow clap from Loki. The menace turned it into real clapping, of course, and shortly thereafter all the adults in the room broke down laughing. Before the laughter had even died down, Loki waved me over, banished The Dress, and had me lay down for some soul massage or whatever it was he did. As I kinda melted despite the coolness of his touch, he asked, "however did you know that she had books in a stuck drawer already?"


    I shrugged, earning myself a bit of a teeth sucking noise, then said, "I guess Fate helps those who help themselves."


    I mean, they sure as shit better be helping me after all the shit they''d dropped me in over the past eight months, or I might have to pay them a visit.

 Day Two Hundred And Sixty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, I know when people say ''some days are better than others'' they mean it as a kind of positive thing, but some part of my brain always twists it around to the corollary, that some days are worse than others.


    Which, given how shitty some of my days are? That''s a pretty fuckin'' awful thing to think about, if some of them are gonna wind up shittier than that. Still, if I survived the Temple of the Moon, I survived the Battle of the Walls, and I survived healing New Amsterdam, I guess the smart money is on me surviving whatever the hell else comes at me too, right?


    Of course, once in a while ''surviving'' really makes me wonder whether the alternative would be more pleasant. But... I mean... where do Gods go when they die? Okay, I''m an Avatar of a Deity, technically, but from what Loki tells me that''s not far off from being the real deal. Like, if I can manage to express what I want done, she seems to do it. Like, I never told her to let Saffron tap directly into the Mimic Mana Fire Hose, but she sure as shit did, and I''m absolutely in favor of that. So it''s not even like I''m expressing what I want done, it''s just... she does what I would do if I didn''t think about it?


    After our visit to Loki''s yesterday, Saffron stepped us all home and Marie put Isnomi to sleep, then we all kinda bunked down in her room for the night on Marie''s big floor bed. It''s cute watching her stretch out when she''s asleep, both because she''s just so much looser, less formal than when she''s awake and doing her Maid thing, and because she definitely does some of the Cat Sleeping positions. She fell asleep first last night, and totally did round-loaf-cat followed by cat-croissant. I''d never tell her when she''s awake, because something tells me it would embarrass the fuck out of her, but I can still watch and think she''s cute.


    That really does sound better in my head than it would saying it out loud, doesn''t it? ''Oh, Marie, you smell so nice and look so cute when I watch you sleep''. Then again, given the levels of Uncanny Valley she''s totally capable of, especially when she''s gotten soaked somehow, I suspect she could totally outdo me on the creepy meter.


    So, talking about ''what I would do if I didn''t think about it'', Mimic dreamt of stargazing while trying to ignore the Stench from the South. Really hoping we get back some scouting reports that, like, Norfolk''s sewers are revolting, or that Calverton forgot to take the trash out before they abandoned their city. Of course, the moment I thought that I kinda realized that given the hundred thousand odd people living there pre-plague, and the ten thousand or so that made it to Lancaster, they might really have hit ''not enough left alive to bury the dead'' levels of death toll.


    That managed to upset me enough to wake me up. Or maybe I''d been about to wake up anyway and that just happened. I remember reading in my old dream journal that most of the dreams we remember take place in the last few seconds we sleep. But seeing the menace''s still face in front of me after waking up with that revelation did not leave me copacetic. Before I could even think about it, I opened my mouth to say something. Then pain hit my jaw, and all that came out was a loud moan of pain. The bad kind. Moan and pain.


    Isnomi''s eyes popped open, and Marie tensed behind Saffron. Between the two of them, Saffron started her whole wake-up sequence, although her eyelids fluttered while her nose and mouth were still taste-testing the morning. Isnomi put a hand on my cheek and said, "mama?"


    Apparently even if I''m not in terrible shape before one of Loki''s realignment sessions, I''m not gonna be in great shape the following day. Good to know. Groaning and wincing, I pulled my hand around to hold up one finger, then worked my mouth until I felt like it would obey when I told it to talk. "Bad dream, Menace. Need Mom."


    Of course she took that as a directive to rooch herself around to face Saffron, then start shaking her by the shoulders. "Ma! Ma! Ma! Ub! Ub!"


    I''d only seen Saffron''s emergency wake-up once or twice before, but just like then this time wound up just a little hilarious. She shot upright into a sitting position, one hand braced on my arm, which hurt a bit, and one hand braced on Marie''s chest, which was apparently less than pleasant given the relative sizes there. Couldn''t help it, the image of a woman putting her whole weight on a cat''s tit and the cat doing the ''ow!'' thing was just too much. I started laughing, intermingled with groans.


    What''s wrong, love?


    Pain-wise I think it''s just the after-effects of Loki''s soul massage thing. And you leaning on my arm. But I did need to talk to you when you''re ready to apply more brainpower to something than I''ve got in total.


    She took a moment to take a deep breath, blink her eyes a little, and then she thought, okay, tell me.


    Thanks. Wanted to tell you before I forgot the whole dream-thing. You know how I talked about Mimic smelling something bad to the south?


    At this point she smacked her lips a little and said, "yes, I remember."


    Yeah. Only ten thousand people from Calverton made it to Lancaster.


    "Okay, then... oh."


    I forced my mouth to behave itself. "Yeah. Oh." Groaning, I forced my recalcitrant limbs to obey and pushed myself upright as well. Marie scooped up Isnomi and started in on getting her dressed. "Odds are most if not all of those corpses are still contagious. I don''t think germs can mutate after the host dies, but they might have done that as well."


    Saffron, now fully awake, shook her head. "I hadn''t even thought of that, love. Thank you for reminding me. But we may have a larger problem." When I raised an eyebrow in lieu of painfully forcing my jaw to work, she asked, "what were the burial rituals like where you''re from?"


    I shrugged again, unsuccessfully trying to hide the wince when I did so. As she moved around behind me and started working on my shoulders, I said, "depends on what religion you are, or if you''re religious at all. Like, most people just get embalmed and buried. Y''know, in a casket. I think some places they put a concrete shell around it, but that might just be places with low water tables or something. But some people get cremated, some people prefer being buried without being embalmed. I even read about a place that would put your corpse around the roots of a tree or some shit like that, so you''d have a tree as a headstone, I guess?"


    That last one made Saffron shudder enough for me to feel it through her hands. "Do your people enjoy haunted forests? Because that sounds exactly like how you''d create a haunted forest."


    I shrugged, and it felt a lot less like my arms wanted to rip off. "Yeah, a lot of people are into the occult and ghosts and shit." I snorted out something almost entirely unlike a laugh. "Not like any of it''s real. I sure as shit think my mom would have picked up the phone given all the ways I tried to get in touch with her, y''know?" I thought about it for a bit, then slowly turned my head around to meet Saffron''s horrified gaze. "Oh. Oh, shit."


    This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.


    "Yes, love. While not every restless soul rises as one of the undead, given ninety thousand people whose lives were cut short? I suspect there might be more than a few. Also..." She stuttered to a stop, then took a deep breath and continued. "Death magic is also a thing. Both Spells to communicate with souls who have passed on, as well as darker ones to bind unhallowed souls to the caster''s will."


    "Lemme guess. Restless souls of Mages are particularly prone to doing that shit?"


    She nodded. She looked a little green. Like, not even just ''this subject is disturbing'' green, but straight up ''just saw two girls one cup, gonna puke now'' green. "May we change the subject please?"


    "Okay. You just need a minute, or are you gonna need a barf bag?"


    She shook her head. "I still find how cavalier you are about some things disturbing now and again, love. I understand it may come from growing up elsewhere, but..."


    Isnomi interrupted. "No."


    I forced my misbehaving arms to scoop up the now-dressed menace and nuzzle her. "I really am from a different world, Menace."


    She shook her head. "Na thad. Deff."


    When I just looked at her, she turned to Marie with a weird look on her face. Marie looked at her, turned to Saffron and I, sighed, and said, "Psychopomp."


    Saffron''s hands went stiff on my shoulders. Not wanting to disturb her, I froze as well until she whispered, "Goof? Do you remember what I said about occasionally being terrified, as I am deeply in love with an incarnation of Primordial terror?"


    "Yeah?"


    Her hands slipped down from my shoulders and her arms went around me. "This is one of those times. Oh, my Goddess, this is very much one of those times."


    I waited, but nobody said anything; Marie started laying out our uniforms for the day, Isnomi just enjoyed the snuggle cuddling, and Saffron lay against my back trying to hide straight up sobs of fear. "Okay, Kitten, I wanna help, wanna make you feel less afraid, but I gotta know what I''m dealing with here."


    She took a deep breath, then let it out, clinging to me the whole while. She wasn''t shivering any more, but I could tell she did not want to let go of me, even enough to shift around so I could hold her. "What do you know of psychopomps?"


    "Uh, not much? I remember something about them taking souls of the dead to the afterlife, right?"


    She nodded, her forehead rubbing against the back of my skull. "That''s correct. However, they also inherently inspire fear in mortals. I''ve just come to realize that it may not be a supernatural thing, but a psychological one."


    "How so?" At this point, the longer she talked, the more she seemed to calm down, so I just wanted to keep her talking.


    "Psychopomps are typically only seen by the souls they are sent to collect."


    "Okay, so why''s that make them scary?"


    "Other than the fact that they can manipulate souls? To the extent that they can rip them from a living person, as much as a perversion of their powers as that might be?"


    I shrugged. "Sister Siobhan said I did something like that with Bill, right?"


    She froze again, then kinda melted across my back, clinging to me. "Yes, love. You are, in fact, a psychopomp."


    "Wait, I''m a what now? Why? How? When did this happen?"


    She giggled a little, but it sounded way less hysterical than I''d feared. "Still my Goof, psychopomp or no. There is one key feature shared by all psychopomps, even those few who cannot manipulate souls."


    "That is?"


    "They all must be able to enter and leave the afterlife. Not just Metaphoric Space, but the realms specifically devoted to the dead."


    I shrugged again, this time as much to keep my shoulders from freezing up as anything. The fact that it jiggled the Saffron pressed to my back had nothing to do with it. "Okay, so why am I one of those?"


    "Not just you."


    "Well, yeah. I mean, the Valkyrie, obviously. Thanatos. Uh... Morrigan? Maybe?"


    "I meant in this room. It is deeply unsettling to be the only mortal in a room with not just one, but three psychopomps."


    "Whatchoo talkin'' ''bout, Kitten?"


    She actually laughed a little at that. I think I must do a kind of ''quoting voice'', because she always giggled when I quoted shit from funny shows. Probably at the voice more than the humor. "There are two qualifications to becoming a psychopomp. First, one must be somewhere on that vast sliding scale of ''Deity''.


    I blinked, then looked at Marie. "You''re a Deity?" She just shrugged.


    "I didn''t realize until just now myself, love. But the Maenads are true Immortals in every sense, which would place them as, at the very least, Demigods like the Valkyrie."


    I looked closer at Marie; she seemed a little shy about the subject, so I waved her over, then pulled her down into a hug. "You''re you, Marie. That''s all I care about. You''re you, no matter what job the big D gives you." She purred a little at that.


    Saffron continued, "and we already knew about you and Isnomi, as unsettling at that may be. The other requirement? Is that said Deity must die and be reborn."


    "Wait, then..." I looked at Marie again. "Sparagmos?" She just nodded, so I looked at the Menace. "Fall Equinox?"


    She looked over my shoulder at her mom, who said, "yes."


    "Okay, then what about me?" Then, despite the pain in moving my arms, I facepalmed. "Fuck. I can''t believe I just asked that."


    That broke some kind of dam in Saffron, and laughter poured out. "Oh. Oh, my Goddess. Oh, my sweet loving Goddess, thank you. I needed that." When she caught her breath, she stood, then helped me get on my feet. "That''s not all, though, love."


    "Okay, what else?"


    Here she paused, and a moment later stood in front of me in Glowing Midnight. "When I pledged myself to you, I pledged myself to Mimic Reborn. Because," she took a deep breath, "from what you told me of your dreams? Mimic died in that box on the bottom of the river."


    I stood there processing that while the three of them dressed me in my school uniform. I mean, it shouldn''t really be a big thing, right? I''d already gotten over the fact that I''d died and been Isekai''d. Mostly. So the idea that the Primordial Goddess whose Avatar I was died too and got, I dunno, reborn? Resurrected? Revived, maybe? Shouldn''t be that big of a deal, right?


    When I stood there fully clothed, I said, "can you step us down to breakfast, then up to class, Kitten? I''m a little gobsmacked by that."


    She nodded, and the next moment we stood in the Dining Hall. I meandered to my seat and devoured everything anybody put in front of me, kinda on automatic. By the end of breakfast, my brain had chased itself around in circles enough that somehow the idea had lost whatever threatening flavor it had started with. I polished off the leftovers, and when Marie carted last of the trays with Isnomi in her wake, I stood and put my arms around Saffron.


    "Feeling any better, love?"


    "Yeah, kinda, Kitten. Sorry about that. Just... I don''t know why, but somehow my gut says that ought to be important? But no matter how I look at it, it doesn''t change a fuckin'' thing in terms of how I deal with it, y''know?"


    She nodded. "I understand. Are you ready for class?"


    I snorted. "C''mon. When am I ever ready for class."


    She smiled up at me, hopped up to plant a kiss on my lips, and by the time her feet hit the ground we stood in our Strategy and Logistics classroom. The rest of the class were mostly in their seats already, and the Marshall took one look at the pair of us standing next to our seats and said, "Imperator." When he said that, the rest of the class scrambled to their feet.


    Huh?


    The dress, love.


    Oh.


    "Yes, Marshall. There is planning to be done, and with you being the head of well over twenty percent of the Alliance''s active military, and there being sixteen Cadets in the room who could only benefit from taking part in the planning, I thought it best to, as Imperator, give you the directive to plan out our next campaign."


    "One question first?"


    She nodded. "Of course, Marshall."


    "When exactly did you decide we needed to mount a campaign, and why?"


    She nodded again, managing to look regal despite being the tiniest person in the room. "During breakfast, because I was informed just before breakfast that there is strong evidence that whatever measures the refugees from Calverton took regarding their dead? Were not enough."


    The whole room went tense at that. The Marshall worked his jaw like he wanted to spit, then swallowed and growled out, "Mimic told you that the dead of Calverton have risen as undead?"


    "Just so, Marshall."


    He took a deep breath, then barked out, "yes, Ma''am, Imperator Ma''am." Then he looked around the class, meeting everyone''s eye. As he did, Glowing Midnight disappeared, replaced by Saffron''s uniform. "Okay, ladies and gentlemen, looks like it''s time for some on-the-job training."


    Y''know, that phrase always scared me a little when people used it when referring to food service. Hearing it applied to military actions? Not reassuring at all.

 Day Two Hundred And Sixty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    I suppose one of the biggest problems with being super talented at anything is not really being able to explain every bit of how you do everything to anyone else, which kinda sucks if you think about it.


    Like, okay, I get that just about everybody who is really super good at something has put in the time and effort to practice it. But talent is a thing too. No fuckin'' way I''m gonna outswim Phelps in the water or outshoot Jordan on the court. Frankly, I don''t think I''d ever be able to, even if I did put in the same amount of time at it. Oh, I might get good, really good, if I did it as much as they did, but I wouldn''t be as good as them, because they''ve just got some natural advantages. Like, Jordan is like six and a half feet tall. I''m tall for a girl, but not WNBA tall. I''d have to have significantly more earned skill than him to even give him a workout, y''know?


    That''s not even getting into how talent can make learning easier. Yeah, I know, being talented means you''ve got to constantly seek out tougher challenges to really shine, but part of being talented, at least for me, is a kind of intuitive feel for how things should and shouldn''t go, y''know? Like, my knack for wrecking people''s shit definitely helped out when learning swordplay, Translocation and Colocation combat, and even picking up new bits and pieces of Close Quarters Combat. The most devastating thing to do to somebody just... I dunno... feels right. In a way, the same thing applies to threatening people. The scariest, meanest, most hurtful thing just kinda feels right in my mouth when it''s coming out. Or in my brain before I send it to my mouth? Whatever. Like I said, I''ve got a knack, and I can''t really explain why I do what I do.


    Funny, I think that''s a bit of ''opposites attract'' between Saffron and I. Everything she does is planned out to a fare thee well. Like, in intricate detail, with multiple branching paths to success. Fucking adorable Xanatos Speed Chess Master, and all in an adorably fuckable package. Of course, when I let my mind wander on that, I might wind up the tiniest bit terrified, because she''s said more than once that she''s keeping score and will get even. Like, I love her and trust her and know that whatever she winds up planning, I''ll absolutely love it, but at the same time I might not want to admit that at the time. Or ever. To anyone except her and maybe Marie. Wait, she''s said the same thing about Marie, which makes me wonder if Marie is terrified of that comeuppance as well. I mean, she''s a seven foot tall immortal fucking killing machine, what exactly is she going to be afraid of?


    Don''t answer that. Psychopomps and undead are enough new fucked up information for me for the month. I''ve met my quota.


    So yesterday our Strategy and Tactics class wound up planning out a full campaign to cleanse Calverton City. Honestly, I got a little bored by like half an hour in, so I pled convalescence and just answered questions. A few notable things came up though.


    First of all, apparently my memory has been getting better. Like, I don''t actually remember shit like schedules or birthdays or anything, but the moment somebody asks me for a fact about something I observed? Plonk, the info is just there. I''m guessing my Memory Attribute went up at some point, maybe? Shit, maybe it''s some kind of Mimic thing, where she''s just storing everything I ought to remember, but doesn''t tell me unless somebody else asks. Don''t ask me how it works. As noted, I''m a clue free zone.


    Second thing, I''ve apparently accidentally not just created the first non-Heroic semi-permanent military units in Phileo City, I''ve created the first two. The second one came up when we were talking about what military forces to send. Cadet Smith, who''d transferred into the class for some unknown reason, announced, "we obviously can''t send Levies, Soldiers, or Volunteers into Calverton if there are undead there."


    At that point I got a bug up my ass and forced my jaw to comply long enough to say, "why not?"


    She just rolled her eyes and said, "undead are notorious for their ability to transfer their state onto others they slay. While some of that can be impeded by rapid proper burial rites for those slain, it contraindicates taking fodder along, since they''ll just wind up reinforcing the enemy."


    I sucked my teeth a little before replying, "I''m not one to consider anybody ''fodder''. Saffron''s unit helped kill two New Amsterdam Heroes during their night raid, and my Dragonslayers took down a few of the rogue Calverton Heroes on their own. I mean, it took a unit of them to do it each time, but I''d say that marks them as ''less capable'', not ''incapable'', am I right?" My jaw wasn''t happy, but fuck it. Worth.


    She just stared at me for a second. "Dragonslayers?"


    Saffron came to my rescue. "The Volunteer units which made up the Phileo Expeditionary Force to Lancaster House. During the march to Lancaster House, they confronted and took part in killing four wyverns and a full grown Ice Dragon."


    Funny, maybe Cadet Smith had some Lancaster in her, because she certainly managed the rectal kumquat look pretty fuckin'' well. "Yes, well, I''m sure they were supporting Heroes, yes?"


    Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.


    Saffron smiled and shook her head. "No Heroes were available for that force. Cadet Diaz commanded the expedition, and while I personally fired the shot that killed the Dragon, it was wounded to the point of being grounded by massed crossbow fire before I arrived. Also, at least one of the Wyverns was felled entirely by massed crossbow fire."


    Cadet Smith nodded. "I suppose the new weapons do make them significantly more dangerous, but one of the other major factors in facing the undead is that in large masses, they create a miasma of death around them which gradually saps the strength of anyone not able to resist it the way a Phileo Hero would."


    I definitely owed Saffron something nice; her next answer was, "yes, however that is a Mana effect. Most Heroes would do something like placing a Mana Ward over any bivouac site before resting. The Dragonslayers, thanks to Commander Diaz'' foresight, are to a Volunteer armored in Dragon Hide, which substantially increases their ability to shrug off Mana based effects."


    Credit where it''s due, Smith didn''t go on a rant about giving Volunteers top tier equipment. Instead she just cocked her head and said, "how resistant are they?"


    "Two units were at point blank range of a Calverton Mage''s fireball and survived with no appreciable injury to any of them."


    Smith''s surprise at that was pretty obvious, but she just said, "I suppose that would be enough to resist the effects of undead miasma. How many Dragonslayers are there?"


    "Three hundred," I answered. "In twenty units. Every Phileo Hero can put up Mana Wards, right?"


    "Yes, love." Saffron answered.


    "Okay then, a lot of what our army in Calverton will wind up doing is clearing buildings, like house-to-house, right?" At nods from duBois, Smith, and Saffron, I said, "okay, then in a way it''s a little like the plague; we''re gonna want a cordon. So bring enough Volunteers or whatever to make that cordon, which is basically just gonna be holding the ground our Heroes have cleared, right?"


    "How will we feed that many?" Smith''s question annoyed me, but it wasn''t really a bad one. Just something I hadn''t thought of. My talent is fucking shit up, not making things unfuckable.


    Thing is, I had an answer. "What about using the Quartermaster and his fleet to ferry supplies? Calverton is right on the bay, yeah?"


    "Quartermaster?"


    Marshall duBois stepped in and said, "a clever innovation by Cadet Diaz during the war against New Amsterdam. A fleet, mostly of former fishing vessels, which ferried supplies to the closest point to the front lines. Cleared up quite a bit of our supply problem, to the point that it never became a real issue. Definitely worth implementing, even if we don''t send too many non-Heroes."


    "Cool. Uh, I''m not sure about New Amsterdam''s Levies, but a lot of Calverton''s Heroes, including most of the rogues, were outfitted with Cold Iron armor and weapons. I''m pretty sure we could get that re-forged into something protective enough to cover some of their Soldiers, right?"


    Saffron nodded, but before she could say anything Smith asked, "why in the name of all that''s holy did they outfit themselves with Cold Iron? I mean, you''re right, enough Cold Iron for that would clearly outfit a fair number of Soldiers, but... why? I know Phileo''s Heroes are more capable Mages than most others, but even so."


    "That would be Commander Diaz." When Smith looked at Saffron with confusion, she explained, "Tabitha''s Mana Blades. They cut through anything short of Mana-disruptive materials like it wasn''t there, and apparently Ares had informed Calverton''s leadership about who won the Battle of the Walls."


    After that, shit kinda devolved to everybody sorting out how many Heroes needed to stay back to guard the borders, how many would be needed to back up the local Guards for police work, and how many that left able to go clean out Calverton. They also asked me about how much Cold Iron Calverton brought, and while I had no fucking clue when it came to ounces or pounds or stone, I surprised myself by listing out each and every item that I''d faced or seen. By the end of the day, they had a plan all laid out. Kinda impressive what a dozen people working together can accomplish given sixteen hours and a goal.


    Also, it seems like my delivery lunch is gonna be tempura and sushi from here on out. Marie decided, and I''m sure as shit not gonna argue with her.


    Last night, Mimic stargazed and tried to ignore the smell.


    In the morning, I actually wound up feeling pretty good. Not one hundred percent by any means, but I managed to step us all down to lunch and up to Advanced Mana Shaping without doing more than winding myself, although I did use my cane a bit while walking. Given a week of me carrying it everywhere just in case, it had kinda become a fashion statement, I guess. Just another ''weird Diaz thing''.


    Biggest surprise of the day? Cadet Smith coming over and asking me, politely mind you, to demonstrate how to Shape a Mana Blade. I shrugged and popped out a six inch long one from my pointer finger. She just kinda stared, her expression a mix of awe, terror, and disbelief. "How do you keep up that kind of Mana flow?"


    I shrugged again. "I dunno. It''s not that big of a deal, I guess. I think the only time I''ve even noticed was when I was already kinda beat and maintaining a few thousand of them at once. Even then, the injuries and Co-Location feedback were a bigger deal." When she just blinked at me, I said, "Battle of the Walls. Most of my scars are from there."


    Smith just blinked, like somehow she''d forgotten that I was indeed the psycho bitch in the red dress that killed off most of New Amsterdam''s Hero population over the course of a few bloody minutes. After that she turned to Doc Roberts. "Has anyone managed to replicate that in a form that doesn''t require that level of Mana output?"


    Doc looked and said, "I''ve tried a couple methods, and I believe Archmage Aetos has a working one as well."


    Saffron smiled, extended a short sword sized Blade from the back of her wrist, and added, "my Goddess supplies me with the Mana to use a variation on the original, but I did in fact create two other versions, and I''d be happy to demonstrate the more Mana efficient for you."


    Saffron and I spent most of the rest of the day demonstrating Mana Blades for the rest of the class. By the end of the class, I think at least three of them, including Cadet Smith, had decided on ''Efficient Mana Blade'' or something similar for their Project.


    So weird to have people saying, ''I''m gonna try to do that better than you,'' is maybe one of the biggest compliments they can give in this class.

 Day Two Hundred And Seventy

    Dear Diary,


    Always important to remember the Dao of Qui-gon: there''s always a bigger fish.


    Seriously, I''m kinda stunned that I even ever stopped thinking that on the regular. Okay, yeah, I''ve yet to see a bigger fish than Mimic, but in theory Dommy Mommy is still out there somewhere, and she''s the one who pushed Mimic out of her metaphoric hoo-hah, so she might well, y''know, be bigger than Mimic. Then again, back when I first arrived Mimic fit in a single chest. I mean, a big fuckin'' chest, yeah, the kind of thing that Saffron could probably have made a minimalist survival house out of, but still, one chest. So maybe Mimic''s Mom isn''t any bigger than, y''know, Loki or some of the really big Jotnar I''ve read about.


    At any rate, that was kind of an underlying conscious reality for me back in Camden, although there it was more ''all the other fish are bigger than you'', whereas here? After you face down a Goddess in single combat, kill an Army, and eat two gods in an afternoon, you start feeling some kinda way about your chances of losing a fight. I mean, there''s a whole shitpot of ways I could fuck up outside of fighting, but even going hand to hand without any Mana Shaping or Trickster Shenanigans it had been a while since I did anything like losing.


    So yesterday I wound up showing the rest of the class how I could recharge somebody with a Stabilize. Most of them looked low key horrified by the idea, but even with the whole ''that''s all the OSHA violations at once'' expression on her face, Smith took me up on the offer after she spent all morning and most of the afternoon trying to recreate the effects of my basic Mana Blade. I still think it''s funny watching people''s eyes glow if they keep them open when I do that. I''ve said it before, I''m a simple woman. In this case it didn''t even take tits or ass to make me smile, just the thought of ''look at what happens when I shine a flashlight in Smith''s eyes''. Totally unfair to her, she seems pretty intelligent, if maybe a little unwise when it comes to picking her battles.


    Reminds me of somebody, but can''t remember who at the moment.


    Anyway, by the time class was over, I''d worked with Saffron and Doc going over everything I did when making a Mana Blade in super slow motion. Kinda tiring; not so much in the ''used lots of Mana'' sense, but in the ''controlling it in a way I normally didn''t''. Like, y''know, when you work out a muscle you never really have before, and even though the weight''s really low, you still get all stupid sweaty and tired? Not that I''d know from personal experience; I''d never done that here, and back in Camden I had an aversion to, y''know, sweating. Not sweat itself though, which is why I spent a while hitting the gym after school every day ''spotting'' for dudes on the football team. Like I could really lift any of the weights they were playing with. Mostly I just stared and tried not to drool, ''cause I was classy like that, even back then.


    Dinner was stew, delivered by Marie and the menace. I mean, Marie delivered everybody''s dinner, but after helping her hand stuff out, the menace sat beside me and stole the good bits out of my stew. I drew the line at her stealing my bread. Okay, no more than half of it. I got to show everybody the original inspiration for my Mana Blade by making insta-toast out of the whole loaf, then a couple others that people offered up just to watch me cut them up. Weird, but I think the only one who actually believed me about toast being the inspiration for Mana Blade, other than Saffron and Doc, who knew me, was Smith.


    I wonder what she''d do if I introduced her to Conrad and mentioned they had a name in common?


    Got a Really Stupid Idea when everybody else had cleared out of the room for the day. "Hey Marie?" When she looked over, I asked, "do you think your cart could hold all three of us?"


    She shrugged and nodded, so I scooped up the menace, then did the same to a squeaking Saffron. "What, pray tell me, are you doing?"


    "If Menace likes it, it''s gotta be good, right?"


    Note to self: the menace is an even bigger adrenaline addict than I am. When my accomplishment for the ride back was ''not pissing myself'', and I''m not sure Saffron could say the same? Not to mention the fact that I now had a hand-shaped bruise on my thigh from her holding onto me for dear life? Yeah.


    Fun as fuck, though. I mean, maybe not quite as much fun as that, but certainly at least as exciting. Because that particular activity gets a mite bit exciting when the tiger woman Maid queen of Dionysus'' murder fuck cult is the less dangerous of my paramours.


    Wow. ''My paramours''. Like, plural. I''d fantasized about a lot of shit back in Camden, because anybody living there who''d seen Isekai Anime sure as fuck would, but ''my paramours'' wasn''t ever something I''d really fantasized about having. Not, like, ''ew, why would I want that'', but ''let''s be realistic and hope for being able to do magic and fight like a honey badger''.


    All of us were way too keyed up to sleep after that, so we started a four way pillow fight. Which, much as it usually did, wound up with the three nominal adults using bolsters to play ''yeet the menace'', while she bonked us with pillows whenever her yeetification carried her into range. After like half an hour of that, she dropped her pillow; when I caught her, I realized she''d actually fallen asleep while being yeeted around. Only my Menace. I lay her down, and the other three of us retired to the bedroom. None of us were quite ready for sleep, but we managed to correct that in short order, after which we fell asleep in a big ''ol pile.


    Mimic still watched the stars for Mom. The south still stank. Odds on bet that it had, indeed, risen again.


    Woke up to Isnomi''s face inches from mine, where she''d wormed her way in to lay back to back with her mom, who was cuddled into Marie. Lay like that for a while until the other three got up, because it made some place deep inside all warm and gooey to watch them all sleeping like that, even if it was in total wireframe vision.


    All four of us managed to dress ourselves more or less normally this morning. I even wore underwear, although that was more because Menace told me I''d be ''gwounded'' if I didn''t. Little smart ass. Definitely my kid, no matter the genetics.


    Breakfast was fish cakes, corn bread, and some weird corn pancake things. Not something I''d ever had before, but really tasty with the addition of some butter and preserves. Apparently Marie had either found another source of corn recipes, or she''d mastered everything I could remember and was experimenting. Not that it really mattered to me which. Okay, it did, and I found that weird, because jealousy? Not a good look on anybody, and somehow the whole ''I''m a Primordial Goddess capable of ending life as we know it'' thing made that even worse. Weird.


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    Got up to the practice yard, and duBois pulled me aside as soon as he''d gotten everyone else working in groups of three. "You back in fighting trim?"


    I opened my mouth to give some kind of smartass confirmation, then thought better of it. Because I am a Mature Woman who Takes People Seriously. Really I am. Stop laughing, I''m serious.


    At any rate, I took a minute to stretch myself through my full range of motion, then did a few flips and somersaults. I shrugged. "Not quite. Still got some stiffness in the big joints and my back. Some pain when I push past it. Nothing I can''t deal with though."


    He nodded. "If we need you for the Calverton cleanup, maybe you''ll have to push through, but for the moment?"


    "Yeah, yeah, heal up when you can, so you''re healed up as much as you can when you can''t."


    I could tell his eyes-crossed expression was faked, but it still made me chuckle as he said, "despite that sentence needing to be taken into the equipment room and quietly strangled, you actually remembered that lesson. I''m really kind of surprised."


    "Why?"


    I''m sure Saffron and I had that same look when Isnomi asked questions we''d really rather not answer, which made me laugh again as he said, "not only because you have a bit of a reputation as, shall we say, academically disinclined, but because... well..." he waved a hand, and somehow I knew he referred to my scars.


    I laughed. "Yeah, well. As I''m sure you mentioned at some point, I hit a situation that required all the tough I''d managed to stockpile. And then some, really."


    His smile didn''t go away, but he put one big paw on my shoulder and said, "really proud of you, Diaz. I''d like to think I helped get you ready for that."


    I nodded. "You did. You absolutely fuckin'' did. Thanks."


    He heaved out a breath and said, "okay then, let''s get you limbered up before anything else." We started with some of the pairs stretching stuff, then segued into the off-brand tai chi he''d been teaching me. We did that until lunch. After lunch we did that for another hour or so, then he said, "you up for some stick fighting?"


    As you might imagine, me and slow, controlled tai chi, even off-brand? Not my favorite thing. "Oh, hell yes." I stepped to the equipment shed and stepped back with four sticks. He just raised an eyebrow. "It''s like anything else, if I don''t use it on the regular, it gets rusty, right?"


    He nodded, thoughtful. "I''d never really thought of it that way, but you''re probably right."


    We started out slow, just like last time. By the end of our first hour, we''d sped up to the point where the sounds of stick-on-stick were a constant staccato rhythm echoing through the Practice Yard. It was almost all I could do to keep him from clobbering me, but now and then I''d managed to sneak an attack in. Never, y''know, landed one, but then he hadn''t either. Shit I blocked with my forearms didn''t count, what with the armor there.


    By the sun it was maybe an hour before dinner when, without slowing, he said, "ready to take it up a notch, Diaz?"


    Honestly, by that point I''d been leaving a trail of sweat for like an hour, and I had to focus to inhale enough to respond, but the day''s work had all the stiffness gone. Besides, as anyone who knows me knows, I''m a dumbass who will never say ''no'' to ''harder faster higher weirder''. "Sounds fun."


    He disappeared. I didn''t think; I Translocated and Co-Located at the same time, spinning kicks aimed at the backs of his knees and the front of his chest. I managed to land the shot to the back of his legs, but right after that he clobbered that me with the other me, what with him dropping a stick and grabbing me by the shin to block. I didn''t really think about it a lot, but the Marshall was strong as fuck. Strong enough to swing me like one of his sticks, even if I wasn''t quite as stiff as one of them. Somehow he kept me from Translocating out of his grip, although it felt like he''d shifted it when I did. A second later I realized what he''d done; he''d Translocated with me. Crafty old fucker.


    He Co-Located and swung a stick at me, swinging me at the stick at the same time. I Co-Located again, one new me blocking his stick with both of mine, the other tackling him from behind, taking him in the backs of the knees again. Instead of trying to stay upright the big bastard just flopped backwards and sat on me. I suddenly knew exactly how Ti Lung felt during that last fight. Not even enough air left in me to try to Translocate out. The me he''d hammered to the ground with myself tried to stand up, only to get a spinning stick to the noggin; he hadn''t dropped it, he''d thrown it into the air, and it landed right where I''d fallen.


    As he fell back on me, I''d twisted in his grip and gotten my legs around his neck. As his ass landed on my poor back, piledriving me into the ground, the other me''s ass landed square on his face. I winced as I heard his head hit the pavers, but since he didn''t go limp or anything, I figured he wasn''t dead, so I just bore down, ignored the pain from where my knees had hit the pavers as well, and hoped he couldn''t get up the concentration to Co-Locate again.


    Meanwhile that left one of me facing one of him. I''d blocked his stick, and the impact of my two sticks on one of his broke his stick with huge crack. I swung both of my sticks at him, and somehow he managed to get his one stick in the way of both of mine, spinning it like a baton to bat them away. Which did absolutely nothing for the knee I brought up into his crotch. Two really important things occurred to me just then. First, while the Phileo Cadet and Hero uniform jackets had integral chainmail, the slacks did not, nor did the uniform include a cup. Second, if it did the Marshall would need one of Bowie-as-Jared-esque proportions.


    He used that tiny fragment of time between ''knee to the groin'' and ''total systemic shutdown'' to backhand me backwards across the pavers. Like, full on, every ounce of muscle in his core, bitch slap. I tumbled, completely unable to do anything to break my fall with my head still spinning from his slap. The me trying to choke him out with my thighs managed to wheeze out, "your gold watch is gonna be epic, old man." Then the tumbling me impacted with the me still trying to recover from being hit with stick from above, and I decided I''d had enough.


    The me that he''d sat on slapped the ground, right as the one of him that remained standing said, "wait, what?"


    I absolutely refused to comment on my mid-combat smack talk, for obvious reasons. Not the least of which was when he hoisted the pair of me up off the ground and I saw the him I''d stopped trying to choke out lower a hand to the ground where he''d raised it like he intended to slap the ground. Obviously some kind of new move he''d been about to fuck me over with, because no way in hell was this bastard anywhere close to surrendering.


    Of course, he leaned one paw of his standing self on one of my shoulders and said, "Diaz? Could you maybe de-Co-Locate?"


    I stepped and somersaulted and wiggled back into myself, letting out a low groan when all of my accumulated dings hit me all at once. "You okay, sir?"


    He rolled back into himself and said, "that hit not only was painful and disorienting, that hold''s... distracting." He took a deep breath and said, "well done, Cadet. Where''d you learn to Co-Locate and Translocate in a fight like that? I''m sure I didn''t teach you that."


    I shrugged. "Loki?"


    He blanched. "Yeah. Well. That would explain it then."


    We turned to look at the rest of the class, suddenly aware that the sounds of sparring had stopped at some point. I managed to get my arms up to catch my incoming Kitten who, after a kiss that lasted long enough that I was seeing stars, pulled back and whispered, "you are so hot when you kick ass."


    "Not sure I was the ass doing the kicking just then, but I''ll take it."


    "And me," she whispered in my ear.


    "Yeah, that too," I whispered back as I nuzzled her neck.


    "Okay, ladies and gentlemen, I think that''s it for class today. Any of you who want can stay out until sunset, but I''m gonna go get some rest. If anyone needs me before tomorrow, I''ll be in my quarters."


    As I stepped Saffron and I back to our rooms, a sudden thought struck me. "Wait, wait, wait... did he or did he not just say, ''I''ll be in my bunk''?"

 Day Two Hundred And Seventy-One

    Dear Diary,


    Weird, the things you realize about ''being an adult'' that would absolutely skeeve a kid, but are just, y''know, part and parcel of being an adult.


    Still kinda reeling about whether or not any particular image of me is in duBois'' mental spank bank. I mean, on the one hand I''m pretty sure he''s old enough to be my dad. Maybe not, but definitely like an uncle or something. On the other hand, I''m an adult woman, and I did kinda hit him with a Xenia Onotopp to his general face region. I don''t think I''ve got any right to say ''you may not fap to your mental image of me'' to somebody I''d tried my best to suffocate by shoving my ass in their face like a particularly muscular pillow. Did I do it with that intent? Hell no. Do I have to accept the consequences of my actions? Well, shit, I want to play adult games, so I''m gonna win adult prizes.


    Besides, he''s kinda hot in that ''muscle daddy Santa'' kinda way.


    Can''t actually say he wasn''t just a little bit on my mind later that night either. I''m not into Jotnar telephone poles, cubic beef bull cocks, or any other inhumanly large phallic objects, as I''ve tried to make perfectly clear to a certain tiny genius who has some kind of bizarre fetish about stress testing my hoo hah, but that doesn''t mean I can''t appreciate a well hung dude, y''know? If Beavis and Butthead are correct, the man is toting some serious natural testicle protection, if you catch my drift.


    Slept well. Mimic dreamt of starwatching and stench.


    Woke up to Isnomi, Saffron, Marie and I all spooned up like a set of nested measuring spoons. Which put me in the middle and Isnomi on the outside, but with her facing the window and Marie''s back to the door, I guess anything that could get in the window wouldn''t be a big challenge for the menace. I mean, shit, given that she''d apparently given Conrad a bad case of ''fuck this shit I''m out'', maybe she should be on the door side. Except I don''t care about all that; if she''s anywhere near me, I''m gonna be between her and danger. Thoughts of danger aside, it gave me all the warm fuzzies watching as the others woke up. Especially since Isnomi woke up first, and I got to see her do the same kind of sniff and taste the world thing that her mom does. A second later she rolled over and looked past her mom at me.


    "Mama!"


    I smiled at her and brought my finger around in front of my mouth. "Shh! Mom''s still..." Then Saffron started her whole boot up sequence, and I sighed, half accepting that it was too late to let her sleep more, half just overflowing with affection for my cute little Kitten. "Ah, well. Good morning, Kitten."


    She smacked her lips a little, twisted herself around, and spent her first minute of wakefulness taste testing my tonsils instead of opening her eyes. My eyes slid closed and I lost a while to being surrounded by warmth. Then a little hand planted itself right on my forehead and pushed.


    "I''m not sure if I like being interrupted like that, my girl." When I opened my eyes it was to see a grinning Menace looking down at the two of us, then plonking her face down in between us.


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    I shook my head. "On your belly be it!" I shouted, then grabbed her and went to town blowing raspberries on her belly. Meanwhile her mom grabbed her feet and did the same thing.


    I''m really not sure how long she squirmed and giggled and hiccupped up a storm before she finally squealed, "stahp! Stahp!" But when she did, we pulled back and laughed with her as she hiccupped a bunch more until Marie loomed over us, pouncing on Isnomi and scooping her up in a five-point-harness claw. We both stared at how instead of a cage, Marie''s claw now made something far closer to an actual harness for the menace.


    "Holy shit she''s growing like a fuckin'' weed, isn''t she?" I whispered into Saffron''s neck as I took the opportunity to snuggle back up to her.


    I felt her smile on the side of my face. "She is. In a perfect world she might never have been stolen away and become ours rather than mine, but in the world in which we must live? Knowing that she need not worry about age nor about high shelves is a great weight off my mind."


    We lay there snuggling and watching Marie and the menace play until Marie sighed and said, "Breakfast."


    With muffled groans of disappointment we all got out of bed and got ourselves dressed, then instead of stepping ourselves to the Dining Hall we made a collective decision to walk to breakfast the long way. Okay, I walked. Mostly. There may have been some ambling involved, and a bit of strutting when I decided to do the whole pimp walk with my cane. Menace gamboled. Saffron may or may not have skipped when Marie and the menace weren''t looking, and when I started doing my strut, she leapt up on my back and got a piggy back ride the rest of the way to the Dining Hall.


    "I''m so glad you''re feeling better, love," she whispered into my neck.


    I thought about that for a second as I delivered her onto her seat. Before I let her go I said, "Y''know what? I kinda am."


    Breakfast wound up being mostly sausage and eggs. I kinda missed the Lancaster House Waffles, but apparently other than corn flour, the Academy was running low on, y''know, flour. Not completely out of it, or we wouldn''t have had gravy to go with the sausage. I kinda wish we had biscuits, but what are you gonna do?


    After breakfast, the menace chose to come with us instead of carting with Marie, because apparently the bright little rug rat remembered that today was our PT day.


    She spent part of the day running around the obstacle course. Actually running it this time, instead of just flying squirrel leaping from one climbing obstacle to another. Okay, she did that anyway, but more as a shortcut across the wall obstacle between them than, y''know, becoming another obstacle. What with her itty bitty legs, she didn''t quite keep up with the Senior Cadets cruising through the obstacles when they could sprint, but it was hilarious watching them jump over or slide under hurdles where she straight up tiptoe sprinted right under them. The rolling logs, that I knew from experience were both a little greasy and spun freely if you didn''t hit them perfectly? She went to all fours and somehow clung to the damn thing, even when it spun so she hung underneath it. Apparently gravity had fucked off to pay attention to the Senior Cadets, because a couple of them took a header into the pit under the logs when she did that.


    Saffron and I watched her antics as we Tangoed around the edge of the Practice Yard, doing our best Morticia and Gomez. Seriously, I let her lead, and the height difference? Just about perfect.


    After we ate a quick snack at lunch we switched over to Waltzing, and the Menace decided following us around pirouetting instead of doing obstacle course laps. Doing all kinds of leaps and shit as well.


    Funniest shit of all? I think she wound up dropping more Senior Cadets into the obstacles watching her dance than she ever did being an obstacle.

 Day Two Hundred And Seventy-Two

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, the more I think about it, the more I realize that ''being an adult'' is pretty frequently ''not doing'' rather than ''doing''.


    Seriously, though. Not taking someone''s hand off when they reach for my eggs. Not hunting down Gods for after dinner mints just because I could. Not duct taping the menace into her toddler bed when I wanted some hanky panky time. Not slaughtering every man, woman, and child from Calverton who survived Apollo''s poor aim because I was a little bit scared, a scooch startled, and a fuckton pissed off. If I really thought about it, I suppose I could think of examples from other people as well. Doc Roberts not punishing a student who called them on their own scared bullshit. Lancaster not letting himself skimp on his own values, no matter how fucked up those might be. Headmaster Miles not just expelling the dumb bitch who fucked his school up on the regular. Marshall duBois not hitting on the chick who tried to suffocate him with her crotch... and maybe flirted with him unconsciously without really thinking about it.


    Funny. I remember one of my teachers back at Eastside saying something once. When he told a student that he needed to settle down and focus on the day''s lesson, the kid replied by screaming, "I''m an adult, I do what I want!"


    The teacher just shook his head, sighed, and said, "I really do try to treat you all like adults, hoping you''ll act that way, but what you just said is the most childish statement I''ve heard in a while."


    The guy kind of spluttered, but it intrigued me, so I leaned forward on my desk, squished my tits together so they bulged in my cleavage, batted my eyelashes at him and said, "what do you mean?"


    He rolled his eyes and said, "first, children think that adults do what they want. Adults, on the other hand, know that adults do what they have to do, to the point that most of them don''t have the time or energy to do anything they want when they''re done. Second, Do Not Taunt Happy Fun Ball."


    I laughed, mostly because the thought that adults didn''t do whatever the fuck they wanted sounded hilarious to me, but also because I''d scored that subtle, ''yes, yes, you''re very sexy, now get back to work'' point for the day, so I could count it as a win and move on. Right. You have met me, right? I totally let the laugh enhance my jiggle physics and said, "you really sure about that?"


    He sighed, shook his head, and turned back to the board to write some more ''if you don''t know what to put in your notes, write this'' notes on the board. "Yes to both, Tabitha. Please don''t make me repeat myself. You know I''m an awful old man who will likely die of asphyxiation if I do anything like that."


    It wasn''t until, like, a year later that I realized how deftly he''d managed me. Like, not in any kinda bad way. He hadn''t ignored me flirting with him. He''d acknowledged it, turned me down politely with a side order of self-deprecating humor, and used my now-obvious appetite for shenanigans, along with my still hard to accept budding infatuation as a lever to shove more actual real-world useful knowledge into my brain. Shit, now that I thought about it, he even slid a joke about him dying of terminal Tabitha titty overdose if he didn''t say ''no'' in there as well. Shit, the more I thought about it, the more I realized he''d done that with me and other delinquents in his class over and over and over again. Fuck, I think that''s why so many of us liked him. He didn''t just chuck us out, he just did some kind of weird mental Judo to get us to learn shit without realizing we were doing it.


    Y''know? Maybe that''s another part of Adulting, one that I hoped I''d be able to do someday. I mean, everybody understands that Adults Protect Kids, right? Protect, teach, nurture, all that good shit. But nobody seems to get that in a perfect world, Adultier Adults do the same thing for Less Adulty Adults, especially the ones just out of the chrysalis of puberty who have just started Adulting. I... did not look forward to that. Especially if it included anybody who wasn''t my own kid, because fuck if I know how I''ve avoided Just Happening to anybody but Saffron and Marie. I''m really not sure how I''d respond to some barely not a kid who shoved her tits in my face. Or his pecs. Or, y''know, any other body parts, because part of my own Journey to Adulting has been recognizing that my fucked up brain can sexualize anything even vaguely related to a human body part, let alone an actual, y''know, body part.


    Part of me wanted to confront duBois and ask him exactly how the fuck he managed to do that shit. Two other parts of me were having a knock down drag out fight over being terrified or titillated by the thought of Just Happening to him right there in his office. Or the hallway, because let''s face it, I''ve long since killed any shame residing in me about my body or sex harder than I killed fuckin'' Sengann. The final part of me? The quiet one which just stared at the other three parts until we settled down and were ready to listen, a slight, knowing smile on her face the whole time? Realized his answer without even asking. You just did it. Without hurting them if you could manage it. Without hurting yourself either, if you could do that too. Somehow, if you could pull it off? Do it in a way that teaches them to do the same, only better and less painfully than you did.


    Fuck me. Adulting is some fucked up shit sometimes.


    Deep thoughts today. Probably because the past two days have been stepping hard on the physical gas, but not really engaging my brain much. Slept well last night, while Mimic dreamt of stargazing and stench again. Hopefully now that we had a plan for how to deal with that Saffron could put it into play. I supposed I''d have to pitch in at some point, but hopefully it would wind up being something more like hunting Arse Priests with Marie than trying to Cure a whole fucking City at once.


    I woke up to a pleasantly squishy weight on my chest, and opened my eyes to look up into Saffron''s eyes. After we gave each other''s tonsils a thorough tongue-cleaning, she pulled back and said, "you''re so... you... when you sleep."


    I lifted an eyebrow. "The fuck?"


    She sighed and smiled. "My favorite thing about you, and given how many things about you I adore that''s saying something, is how uninhibited you are. Unashamed. Unfiltered." She took a deep breath, frowning as if taking herself to task, then smiling with a tiny giggle. "To put it plainly in an attempt to emulate what I adore most about you? How honest you are."


    I grinned up at her. "You''re telling the Champion, Daughter, and High Priestess of Loki that she''s Honest?" I clapped my hands behind her and rubbed them ostentatiously so she could tell what I was doing without looking. "Muah. Ha. Ha. You have fallen for my nefarious plot!"


    She booped my nose. Then kissed it, then booped it again. "Oh, Goof. We both know that Monday was a fluke and your most complicated ''plot'' has to do with finding a way to distract our little Menace for a few hours without me or Marie being involved in the distraction."


    I pouted. "Pfft. You''re no fun."


    She wriggled a little. When my eyes uncrossed, she booped my nose again. "We both know exactly how much fun you find me. I seem to even recall you referring to me as ''fun-sized'' on multiple occasions."


    I gave her my best ''shifty-eyed'' look. "Uh... you heard that?"


    She smiled at me. "Don''t worry, love."


    "Because you''re not mad?"


    Her smile slowly melted into one of her most terrifying Grins. "Oh, no. Even as I find it adorable, charming, even a little attractive? It also infuriates me. But don''t worry. It all goes on the ledger, and some day in the future when we have more than a momentary respite? I will clear that ledger in full."


    "Why am I not sure whether I should be too scared to think, or too turned on to think?"


    Her laugh rang through the room, and Marie purred as she slid around us. "Oh, beloved Goof. That''s because your simple Goof brain is incapable of comprehending the fact that you should absolutely lose your mind to both at once."


    "Oh, shit."


    As she snickered, Marie chuckled as well. Right up until Saffron turned to look her in the eyes and said, "that goes for you as well, you realize?" Marie''s sudden frozen subsonic shivering made the whole bed vibrate with her lust and terror in equal amounts. I couldn''t help it, I laughed my ass off. Saffron looked back at me and said, "no longer terrified?"


    I shook my head. "I know I should be, and I am, but I know I don''t need to be, so I''m not."


    "Forgive me, but please enlighten me as to how even your enormous cranium can hold that much cognitive dissonance?"


    I booped her nose with my own, then said, "I know you, and I trust you." When her eyebrow rose, I explained further. "I might wreck someone''s shit, but I''m gonna do it, get it done, and yeah, I''ll probably enjoy the fuck out of it even if I don''t want to admit that to myself most of the time. But you? You''re gonna meticulously plan that shit out. I might leave some portion of shit unwrecked, but you? You''re going to systematically wring every bit of ruination out of someone, until when you''re done there''s not going to be anything wreckable left to wreck."


    The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.


    "And you are not afraid why?"


    I kissed the tip of her nose. "Because I trust you. I trust you way more than I trust myself, really. When you set about to wreck my shit? You will wreck it absolutely as much as it needs to be wrecked, and not one iota more. Also? Because you say I should be both, and we both know that no amount of ''getting wrecked'' is going to turn me off of ''meticulously planned Saffron shenanigans''."


    She just smiled warmly down at me, even as Marie rumbled the bed around us. "You realize, of course, that my mild frustration with your acceptance of your fate will only push me to ever greater levels of depravity in my vengeance?"


    "So I should be even more of both?"


    "Yes."


    "Then I''ll be both." When she pouted just the tiniest bit, I laughed and said, "c''mon, Kitten. You know me. Logic? Planning? All that other left-brain shit? Yeah, I can do it, but at heart I''m a straight up right brain girl. I''m supposed to feel two contradictory emotions? I''m gonna revel in that shit as long as I can."


    I knew I''d got it right when she scooched down just a touch and lay her head down on my chest, purring almost as much as Marie. I lay there, one arm draped over Saffron, the other under Marie''s head, and just enjoyed everything being right with the world for a while. For the barest moment, even knowing that Saffron never said anything without meaning exactly what she said, which meant I ought to be so terrified I pissed myself, was just another piece of transcendental rightness to the world.


    Then our Menace burst into the room. "Ma! Mama! Mawa! Beffas! Beffas!" She''d managed to dress herself, even down to her ties and boots.


    "Very well, my girl. Let us get dressed first."


    That''s when Isnomi stopped, scrunched her eyes into a squint, sniffed the air while tasting it with the tip of her tongue, then nodded once. A moment later we all lay there fully dressed.


    "Holy shit, Menace! That''s awesome! How long have you been working on how to do that?"


    She shrugged, without words communicating exactly how little thought she was willing to give to my question, then grabbed Saffron and I each by a boot and tugged. "Beffas! Beffas!" We both scooched our way to the end of the bed, then got upright. The moment our boots hit the floor, I nearly pissed myself as Menace grabbed Marie''s tail with both hands and tugged, still hollering, "Beffas! Beffas!"


    I didn''t even see Marie move. One second Isnomi tugged on her tail, the next Marie crouched on the end of the bed, Menace dangling from one five-point-harness grip, growling at a register that made me need to clench my sphincters to avoid needing to change my pants. A moment later I had to stifle my laughter as our little Menace growled back in that same fucking register, then barked out, "BREFFAS!" Marie blinked once, smiled, then head-bunted the Menace before setting her on the floor and standing to hover over the three of us.


    I scooped her up, put an arm around Saffron, leaned back into Marie and fell backwards into my seat at the Dining Hall. Marie commandeered a few trays of food to throw in front of the Menace, who started power-nomming at a pace that even had me gawping. Eventually the rest of the Maids let the rest of the Academy in, and though the reactions varied from a couple of the old Barbie Brigade holdouts making moues of distaste to Angel straight up cheering her on, not a single person in the Dining Hall could miss the Menace packing away food like some kind of adorable vacuum cleaner. Best off all, in my book? Even if it made Saffron blush and facepalm? When the Maids started collecting shit indicating breakfast was done, Menace looked straight at the Barbie holdouts and belched for a solid ten seconds straight.


    When she finished, without moving her hands Saffron said, "what do we say, my girl?"


    Without looking away from the holdout Barbies, Isnomi said, "fuggahs."


    While Saffron just gaped at our offspring, I snapped my fingers in front of her face. "Oi! Mini-bitch! Two things!" When she looked up at me, eyes wide, I continued, "first, from now on before you use a word that contains or even sounds like an Adult Word, you ask one of us first, got it? No penalty this time, but next time? Grounded." She blinked, looked a little sheepish, and nodded. "Second, the words you''re supposed to say after any burp, or fart, or big body sound? ''Excuse me''."


    "Cuse me?" she echoed. At my nod, she turned to the Barbies. "Eckscuse me!"


    I couldn''t help it, I laughed. Eventually Saffron did too. A couple minutes later, after hugs and kisses to see Marie and Isnomi off on their day of carting and Marie things, Saffron and I stood in the Library. After Doc DeLeon gave us a quick introductory lecture about how while many Laws in Phileo City and Camden Yards were identical, as they''d been enacted after Camden Yards became a de facto client state, the differing Customs in each City altered the interpretations of those Laws. He even used the word ''precedent'', which I actually knew the meaning of before he explained it to everyone else. Go me, right?


    Then Sister Cheryl stepped up. "Before you begin your independent work for the day, I have an announcement." She looked at me, and I gave her a tiny head shake. She replied with an even tinier nod, then said, "thanks to the intercession of a High Priestess of Loki who wishes to remain otherwise anonymous, the missing copy of Law and Custom of Phileo has been returned, and as such all Cadets may now receive extra credit for creating legible, complete copies of that book of Law and Custom."


    Of course Cadet Smith piped up with, "oh, please, we all know Loki only has one High Priestess."


    Couldn''t leave it like that. I shook my head as I looked at her and said, loud enough the whole Library could hear, "nope. Loki''s got High Priestess Pesce from Camden Yards now, too."


    Before she could reply, Loki''s voice sounded in my head. She has been joined by Ora Orange of New Amsterdam, Antony Pesce of Newark, and Marylin Calvert of Calverton.


    Oh. Oh, shit, Boss. I''m sorry, I didn''t even think about, y''know, recruiting and shit.


    Laughter, absolute uncontrolled hilarity in auditory form, echoed through my head. Only you, my daughter.


    Huh?


    Only you would apologize for failing to recruit new Clergy after demonstrating my power and protection with such impact that believers who saw you spontaneously spent days reaching out to me, begging to devote themselves to me.


    Devote?


    Of course, daughter. Worship would be so... gauche, don''t you think?


    I laughed out loud in the sudden silence in the library, then said, "sorry, sorry, I''ve just been informed that there are now High Clergy of Loki in Calverton, Newark, and New Amsterdam. So, y''know, could have been any of us."


    Wait, did you say Ora Orange?


    Indeed. Her sister is livid, but given that High Priestess Orange now commands five Clergy, a growing congregation, and a newly dedicated temple which includes living quarters, there is little Ophelia can do about it, even from her elevated position of High Councilor.


    I blinked a little, then thought, Good for her? Um... you said Calvert, didn''t you?


    I did indeed. Bringing my total High Clergy of ruling houses of their Cities to two. Still far behind my blood brother, but the fact that I have any at all has, as you would put it, his panties in a bunch.


    I let out a relieved breath. Oh good. I was about to ask if Antony Pesce was, like, secret heir to the throne of Newark or some shit like that.


    No, dear daughter. He is a simple fisherman, albeit a hardworking one. No known relation to High Priestess Pesce, other than their family trade.


    Wait, doesn''t ''pesce'' mean ''fish''?


    It does indeed. As God of Fishermen, I find it particularly fitting that two of my new High Clergy are themselves fishermen.


    Ah, shit. Am I gonna have to back him up like Momma Driver does George?


    His chuckle was warm and comforting in my brain. No, daughter. While his background is simple, he is... not... a retiring... sort. That''s all he got out before he broke down in gales of laughter.


    Okay, Boss. Out with it. I know you wanna tell me.


    I got the distinct impression he was wiping his eyes, and I sort of heard the echoes of Sigyn''s laughter as well. Not least amongst Ophelia Orange''s points of outrage was her nine year old sister wearing the garb of my High Clergy.


    I thought about that for a second, then thought, uh, you know the whole problem my world had with ''toddler beauty pageants'', right Boss?


    Suddenly serious, he replied, I do, and trust that should any seek to sexualize her before she reaches her majority and can choose such things for herself? She is my High Priestess, and I watch over her. The only question as to their fate would be which of us got to the miscreant first. You, Me, her Clergy, her followers, or Antony. At my quizzical emotion, he explained, the cut of Ora''s dress is slightly less exposing than yours. A little longer on the short side of the skirt. Not to mention that even with Spring arriving, she will be wearing outer garments should it be windy. Ophelia still attempted to object strenuously to her attire until Antony, who by the way has daughters himself, showed up and asked her exactly why Ophelia objected to her sister wearing the garb of my High Clergy.


    What the fuck was he wearing?


    The garb of my High Clergy, of course. In the, ah, more traditional cut and style, as worn most frequently by my Priestess High set above all others. As the image formed in my head, Loki overwrote it with what I assumed was Antony Pesce himself. He would have fit right in with those ''high muscle to brain cell ratio'' guidos I''d recruited for Saffron''s front line. Only hairier. Way hairier. Like, ''probably should have shaved a circle around his neck, so he didn''t get mistaken for a gorilla or yeti or sasquatch or some shit'' hairier. Almost hairy enough that, in a still image, it was hard to see exactly how... blessed he''d been in other areas.


    I literally stumbled and fell to the ground, laughing my goddamned ass off. How... what... fuck... say?


    Loki, with a warm smile I could hear in his voice, replied, his exact words were, ''the fuck you say about my Sister''s dress?''


    Oh. Oh god. Oh, god, thank you, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know. As do so many more, now that you''ve shown them.


    I levered myself back to my feet, looked around and said, "sorry, everyone. My Boss tells the best jokes." I turned to Sister Cheryl and said, "if it''s okay, I''m gonna go back to the copy room upstairs and get to work?"


    "Of course, Cadet Diaz."


    I stepped Saffron and I to the shelves to collect a single copy of Law and Custom of Phileo, helped her pick out a couple other books on Camden Yards customs, gathered up my copy materials and, after Mineral Bonding the door shut, un-Blended and settled in to copying.


    Would have been prouder about finishing my first full copy of ''Law and Custom of Phileo'', especially with Saffron rewarding me with some intense snogging despite my furry state, until she shyly handed me what she''d put together.


    The first and, at this point, only copy of ''Law and Custom of Camden Yards''.


    How the fuck does she wind up making me feel so proud, insignificant, and low key terrified and horny all at the same time?

 Day Two Hundred And Seventy-Three

    Dear Diary,


    It''s weird; I do shit with Mana all the time that boggles people, both in the amount of burst Mana and sustained Mana, but the times I''ve really needed to throw that shit in insane numbers I not only nearly killed myself each time, I also realize I''ve never even tapped into anything approaching Mimic''s full potential.


    Sometimes I feel like I''m in one of those, what do you call them, ''low countries''? The ones with big walls keeping the water out. And everybody else is going around with measuring cups, or glasses, or buckets maybe. They''re connected to wells, or cisterns, or water towers, or, y''know, city water networks. Meanwhile I''m over here with the world''s biggest fuckin'' fire hose connected to the damn wall. My problem isn''t that I''ve got any real, meaningful limit to ''how much Mana''. It''s that if I really pull out all the stops? The question isn''t ''will anything go wrong?'' It''s ''of getting bludgeoned to death trying to control the hose, torn apart by cloth shrapnel and water pressure when the hose bursts, or just fuckin'' crushed and drowned when the wall caves in, which one is gonna happen?'' Well, ''happen first'', because I''ve got this deep seated fear that if I die? That shit''s just gonna flood every fuckin'' place in this damned world.


    So yeah, yesterday I realized that no matter how proud I was of my brilliant little Kitten? I still felt some kinda way about her writing a whole fuckin'' new book in literally half the time it took me to copy an existing one. I must have been looking pretty down at dinner, because she reached across the table, careful not to put her arm between Menace and anything that resembled food. Goof? Are you feeling well?


    I looked up and smiled at her. For her. Yeah. I''m just kinda bummed.


    Why? Not only did you complete your copy of Law and Custom of Phileo before anyone else, your brilliant scheme ensured that not only will you get credit, but so will anyone else who needs the points to pass the class.


    My smile twisted a little as I nodded. Yeah, yeah. I get that. I''m still pretty jazzed that Loki applauded my wacky antics, but...


    Loki''s voice joined us. Do not take the wry nature of my applause as anything less than approval, Champion. I cannot remember the last time I genuinely applauded anyone but you.


    Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    Saffron cut back in. That''s not what''s got you down, is it?


    I shook my head. I was kinda proud of my copy....


    As you should be!


    I kinda frowned at her even as I clutched to our intertwined fingers. Yeah, yeah, but as I was sayin'', I was kinda proud of my copy. Two days work, and I''ve got a completely legible copy of the whole fuckin'' thing. I even managed to make the woodcarvings and shit look recognizable, and didn''t give in to my urge to put the mural on the picture of the Academy.


    Frankly I think you should have.


    I sighed. Maybe I should have. You''d know, what with you being the smart one. I winced a little as her little fingernails dug into the back of my hand. No, seriously. It took two days for me to copy a book. It took you one to write one. Like, a whole new one. Kinda makes my whole copying jag pale in comparison. Shit, for once I miss my old school. Copyin'' the whole fuckin'' book would have been plagiarism, but I''d have gotten props for hard work, and would have stood out. Here...


    I trailed off because she''d started snickering, and as I tried to tug my hand away, shooting her a maybe pissed off look, she tugged back, and then my lap was full of chuckling Saffron, her legs around my waist, her face downturned. My Goddess, I beg you humbly to forgive me, both for unintentionally making you feel less than magnificent, and for laughing in your time of pain. She fluttered her lashes and looked up at me through them. Is there any act I could perhaps perform to fully express my contrition?


    She knew me so fuckin'' well. I sighed and shot her a twisted smile before leaning in and kissing her. Maybe a preview of my inevitable agonizing torment?


    After scouring my tongue of any taste but her, she leaned back just a little, a contemplative look on her face. No. No, I don''t think that would do at all. Your anticipation, after all, is part and parcel of the torment, and properly adjusting your eventual comeuppance would require difficult, and more importantly potentially ambiguous bookkeeping on my part. But, if I may be so hubris filled as to offer my Goddess a counter offer?


    I snickered just a little, because we both knew I would snatch whatever crumbs she offered me. Or crumble the snatch, whatever. Yeah, I frowned with mock severity. But this better be good, Kitten?


    I will impart to you a secret that could imperil something you know I hold dear to me, and then I will despoil you until you forget both your pain and my secrets.


    Wait, aren''t you supposed to let me despoil you?


    Whichever you wish, My Goddess. I am gleefully surprised that you feel both healthy and energetic enough to do so. Although I am also surprised at you not wanting to let someone else do the work for you.


    I shrugged. Mutual despoiling it is then. Now what''s this secret of yours? Hell, what will it imperil? I know you wouldn''t imperil Isnomi, and other than our supposed virtue or sanity I don''t think you''d imperil Marie or I, so...?


    She leaned in and whispered into my neck, "I started writing that the day after you unilaterally conquered three Cities that threatened the home of my heart and handed me rulership of all four, my love."


    I pulled back just a little and raised an eyebrow as I looked at her. "You mean you didn''t know?"


    "I did not. I honestly did not even suspect. It passed entirely beneath my notice. I am, after all, merely mortal, despite my attempt to convince our enemies otherwise."


    I laughed and kissed her again until somebody to my left let out one of those ''fake disgusted only really annoyed'' noises. I looked over at Raven. "You got a problem?"


    She rolled her eyes. "Will you two get a room or something?"


    Saffron laughed, the sound somehow mixing her throaty chuckle and the tinkling bells of her giggles. "We have one, which we might adjourn to later. Missing Lachlan or something?"


    Raven just snorted derision at that. "Meh. Hardly. More like watching your foreplay means I''d kinda like eighteen inches or so of him to help me get to sleep."


    When Saffron mouthed, ''eighteen inches?'' with a bit of a surprised look, I shrugged. "I mean, he''s a big boi and all, but he didn''t look that big in M Space when he gave me a show I hadn''t been looking for. Maybe he''s a shower and a grower both?"


    Raven just smiled at the two of us and said, "so Sapphic of the two of you to not know how much it can be stretched."


    I must have winced when I said, "isn''t that, like, just when it''s floppy? Or it hurts and shit?"


    "You say that like it isn''t the whole point."


    "Damn. Did not know Lachlan was into that intense shit. Didn''t really need to, either."


    Raven just shrugged. "Whoever said I cared whether he was into it or not? It''s not like he ran away the second time I suggested anything. Also, I''m not the one necking in the dining hall."


    I half choked on my spit and managed to wheeze out, "holy shit, Raven. Dark as fuck much?"


    I ignored the mutter from Saffron''s former seat about, "mama gonna get gwounded."


    I couldn''t exactly ignore Saffron''s voice in my head nor her practically vibrating in my lap as she said, she is absolutely that dark. Can I make her a Priestess, my Goddess?


    I rolled my eyes. Fine, if it will make you happy, Kitten. Not High Priestess though. Two people other than me in my head is enough.


    She batted her eyelashes coquettishly again and thought, are you sure you didn''t mean ''three'' and ''bed''?


    Oh, hell to the no. She''d team up with the two of you and try to fit Marie''s leg to the hip into me or some wacky antics like that.


    She leaned in and kissed me, giggling, which was one of my favorite things, really. Curses. Foiled again. When Raven groaned again, she disengaged and said, "so is your issue that we are doing this in front of you or that you lack access to, ah, your choice of assistant in relieving the frustration it engenders?"


    Raven stabbed a sausage near one end, which made Fred and Bill both wince, put damn near the whole thing in her mouth, which got Fred looking speculative, then ripped it in half with her teeth, which actually got him to drop his spoon and half turn away. Laughing as she swallowed, Raven said, "either. Both. Take your pick."


    "Fine then. Both, provided you remain with Isnomi until she finishes her dinner and escort her up to our rooms when she''s done." She held out a hand. "Do we have a deal?"


    Raven rolled her eyes. "What the hell. Sure." She reached out, shook Saffron''s hand, and the next thing I knew I was sitting on the end of our bed, Saffron still in my lap.


    "Forgive my haste, love, but it seems I''ve just over an hour to induce amnesia sufficient to atone for my sins against my Goddess."


    I chuckled, "well then you..." I couldn''t very well talk with Saffron''s mouth covering my own, and I sure as shit couldn''t think with, y''know, everything else she managed to pull off simultaneous to that.


    Suffice to say that at some point in time... uh, the word''s ''later'', I think, but I''m not sure, while I lay there in bed grinning and possibly drooling like an idiot, some chick delivered a kid to our door while the cause of my complete loss of mental faculties blinked on a blacker than black dress that made my brain and lady bits both hurt in a tingly kinda way while the kid squealed, "Mama!" and snuggled into bed next to me purring. Sounded like a good idea at the time, so I fell right the fuck asleep right the fuck there.


    Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site.


    Mimic dreamt of pretending she saw Mom''s shape in the sky, and trying to pretend that the stench hadn''t gotten worse.


    I woke up to Saffron snuggled into me purring. "Good Morning, love. Before our precocious child awakes, is my penance complete? Or shall I send her down to breakfast with Marie?"


    I can catch a clue if it''s equipped with that level of bunker buster technology. "I have no idea whatsoever what you might have needed to do penance for, so I''m gonna say more penance is definitely more important than the Most Important Meal of the Day."


    She snuggled up to me and hummed into my ear, "who says it cannot be both?" As I tried to recover from the mental capsizing caused by those seven sing song syllables, she asked, "Marie, could you perhaps see Isnomi to breakfast this morning?"


    Marie heaved a put upon sigh. "Yes."


    "And deliver her to Advanced Healing Studies afterward?"


    I''d never heard Marie actually sound even a little bit pouty before. "Yes."


    "Oh, and arrange for her to stay with Grandma tonight?"


    Marie might have earthquaked the bed a little bit with her enthusiastically growled, "Yes!"


    "Well that''s just about perfect."


    Seven. I will never in my life be able to take the title of that movie seriously again. Well, ''serious'' in a ''oh, scary psycho killer movie'' way, what with Saffron dropping little seven syllable singsong statements into my ear and brain until Marie left with Isnomi. The moment our soundproofed door swung shut, I pounced on her, growling, "vengeance!"


    She squirmed, making the world''s shittiest and most flirtatious attempt to escape, crying out, "oh, no! I thought this was supposed to be penance!"


    "Penance!"


    She went still immediately, "oh, well then, since I know you don''t calculate these things, I insist you mete out my penance until you feel it sufficient."


    Of course I''m me, so I had to pause to tease her a little right then. "I dunno..."


    She blinked at me. "You''re hesitating? Who are you and what have you done with Tabitha?"


    "I mean, we''ve only got two hours."


    She looked up at me, eyes artfully wide, "I''m sorry, my Goddess. I''ve been a very bad girl indeed."


    I nodded solemnly. "You have. So I''ll have to finish later." Her eyes got a little wider. "When I''ve got help." When I saw the whites encompass her irises and her mouth drop open, I kissed her and did my dead level best to keep her nonverbal.


    I might have been just a tiny bit enormously smug when we got to class, and an even tinier bit epically smug when everybody else saw her very clearly not perfect uniform, the result of me dressing her, since her penance was still in progress, after all.


    Yeah, anybody who says that ''married life is boring and celibate''? Is clearly Doing It Wrong. Either the Marriage bit or the Marital Duties bit, no idea which, and don''t care which either, because I have received repeated verbal confirmation that I am, in fact, Doing Both Very Right. So I might be shit at the rest of Adulting, but on that? I get full marks. S Tier, Olympic Level, Weapons Grade Spousing.


    Anyway, anybody who thought Saffron being as artfully mussed as I could get her meant that her brain wasn''t functioning... well, okay, it probably wasn''t ''functioning at full power'', but it sure as shit was ''functioning enough to run verbal rings around everyone else at once''. Though really in this class that wasn''t a big deal, since while Doc DeLeon and Doctor Glass are both smart and knowledgeable enough in their fields of expertise to give my Kitten a run for her money, they''re not asshats about it. It''s not some kind of competition with the three of them. Its... more like a hunt. A three person team hunting Truth or some shit like that. Much brain. Very debate. So philosophy. Wow.


    Of course, when Menace arrived like, right after Doc Zeccardi''s opening lecture, running from the door and launching herself at him, it got a chuckle out of everyone, even Hero Davis. At lunch, when she finally dragged him back to have lunch with us, she finally noticed Saffron''s state of attire and squeaked out, "Ma!" before jumping over to start very visibly ''fixing things'', which brought the cutest blush to my Kitten''s face.


    No idea why Sister Siobhan fainted at that point, but she faceplanted right into her salad. I mean, room full of Healers, not like she was in any danger, but still have no idea what that was all about. Attempting to enhance my cluefullness I leaned over and whispered into Saffron''s ear, "is she, like, preggers or something?"


    She gave me a scandalized look and whispered back, "Vow of chastity, Goof!"


    I shrugged. "Maybe somebody finally chaste her enough?" I''m not sure which I found funnier; Saffron''s indignation at my abuse of the language, or Siobhan, who''d just gotten everyone reassured and gone back to eating, hearing my not quite quiet enough whisper and faceplanting in her salad again. I did feel kinda bad about that, so this time I waved everybody back, walked over, and popped a petite Stabilize into her to wake her up. When she blinked her way back to consciousness, her eyelids started to flutter when she saw I was the one holding her up, so I leaned in and whispered, "aren''t you, like, ten years older than me or something?" low enough that everybody else, who''d gone back to eating or chatting with their lunch partners, wouldn''t really pick up on what I''d said.


    She pulled back, hurt in her eyes when she muttered, "I''m only nineteen."


    Did not expect that. Pitching my voice so only she could hear, I said, "how are you the Head Nurse or whatever?"


    She shrugged. "Sister. Priestess. Healer. Not Doctor."


    "Huh. Well, sorry, Sister, but you''re still the teacher of one of my classes, and I have never, would never do anything like that with a teacher..."


    When I trailed off, she looked down at the table, "I''m so sorry, Tabitha. Please, forgive..."


    "For less than a perfect grade."


    Her face went beet red, and if she didn''t faceplant again, she just kinda sat there, lips moving, saying nothing at all, until I slapped her on the shoulder before leaving. Before I could she muttered, "I can''t guarantee that."


    I pulled her into a side hug, saying, "gotta get back to my lunch now," before leaning over to kinda side-bunt her head in a playful way, murmuring, "Too bad. Guess you''ll have to wait until Summer, and hope Saffron''s not looking for more Healing classes."


    She kinda whimpered and gnawed at her salad for the rest of lunch. Meanwhile when I got back to our table, Saffron leaned into me and thought, Someone''s in a cruel mood today.


    Calverton''s getting extra stinky. Think it''s got me in a mood I need to work off somehow.


    Well. That''s not good. But from what it looked like, you were about to Just Happen to work it off with the Sister.


    Nah, just fuckin'' around with her a little.


    She huffed aloud then stole another bite of my sushi. Isn''t that exactly what Just Happening is? When I shrugged and tucked into my tempura, she smeared not-wasabi across the bite headed for my mouth and thought, at any rate, taunting her is terribly cruel to both of us.


    How is it cruel to you or me?


    I meant she and I. I was looking forward to you despoiling her.


    Hey, hey, hey, consent is important, and that''s getting way close to premeditation.


    When I swallowed my shrimp, but before the burn left my nostrils, she kissed me, savoring the combination of flavors in my mouth. Yes, yes, consider me informed and yourself given permission to lay waste to all aspects of her innocence when she begs you to do so.


    Uh, what about Marie?


    Satisfied that she''d savored the flavor, she pulled away and set Isnomi in my lap and leaned in to Marie''s ear. Menace looked at me, opened her mouth to say something, then spotted my food and said, "Thuthee!" before starting to pop them into her mouth like popcorn chicken.


    "Yo, Menace!" When she frowned and growled at me while shoving more in, I said, "oh, no, not gonna take it away from you, but that shit tastes good. Take your time and chew it a little. Enjoy the taste if you''re gonna steal something this good."


    She gave me a perfect tweenaged ''whatever, mom'' eyeroll, then ostentatiously closed her mouth and chewed like three times before her eyes shot open and she started chewing that shit like gum. Like ten seconds or so later she swallowed and said, "Mama''s smart!"


    "And Mama also needs her food to keep her strength up, my girl."


    Before I could say anything, as Saffron handed Isnomi over to Marie, our Maenad looked me in the eye, nodded, and said, "Yes."


    Nearly choked on my damn sushi when I realized she wasn''t talking about what Saffron had said to Isnomi. Fuck it, my beloved Maenad and Wife are both insane, but what am I gonna do, argue with them? I mean, yeah, I could maybe try, but I really don''t like losing. Just about then I realized something. Shit, you weren''t, like, joking about innocence, were you.


    Not in the slightest.


    Well. Fuck. I...


    She''d snuggled back into me to steal my tempura, but now she pulled back and gave me some serious side eye. Are you saying you wouldn''t take her virginity if she wanted you to?


    I mean, virginity''s a really shitty concept in general, but it''d be her first time. I don''t want to fuck that up, y''know?


    She shrugged and grinned. Up. Down. Laterally. Diagonally even. So long as you do it thoroughly and well, I doubt she''ll be disappointed. Before I could reply, she laid a finger across my lips. But should your passion and endurance fail to carry the day, know that I offer you my own expertise enthusiastically.


    I snorted and nommed another sushi. So weird. Not complaining. Sometimes I think I died and went to Heaven when I got shot.


    Suddenly serious, she buried her face in my shoulder. This world is as far from heavenly as possible, my love. Then she raised her face and looked me right in the eye. Save those portions you have exerted your dominion over, which become more heavenly with every passing day. And will continue to do so, so long as I draw breath.


    Fuck. I certainly couldn''t top that. We just kinda leaned against each other purring and feeding each other sushi and tempura for the rest of lunch.


    After lunch I had a thought though. Something had jostled some old-world knowledge from my brain. I raised my hand and asked, "Hey Doc? Docs? Sister? Do Undead like, crumple to dust when you hit them with Healing Mana?"


    Docs Zeccardi and Glass both looked a little boggled by my apparent idiocy. Sister Siobhan reacted in a much more expected way to my general stupidity and turned a little green around the gills. Doc DeLeon finally shook his head and said, "No. No they most certainly do not, Tabitha. For any of the rest of you who have not fought Undead or learned about them yet, almost all Undead will, if possible, consume the Mana of the living as their primary source of sustenance. Some of them can do so only inefficiently, but should you shape Mana into them, especially as Healing magic, which is among the most life-oriented of Mana Shapings? Undead will feast upon it. With some it will create a conduit which you cannot release until you are, like them, Undead."


    "Oh. Oh, shit. Yeah, important safety tip. Thanks Doc." Then my hindbrain yeeted another phrase at my mouth before letting my frontal lobes review it. "What about Revive?"


    Doc DeLeon just stood there with his mouth open. Doc Zeccardi blinked a little before saying, "Your enthusiasm is great, but I''m not sure this is really a ''bigger hammer'' solution."


    "Wait, no, Joseph. She might be onto something," Doctor Glass interrupted. "There are some very well supported theories that many, possibly even all Undead are in that state due to a particular twisting of their Souls. While Revive is obviously far too Mana intensive to be weaponized effectively, especially against masses of lesser Undead, it might be possible to develop a more specialized, more Mana efficient version of the Shape that ignored the Bodily Healing, Soul Retrieval, Soul Cleansing, and possibly even Soul Reconnection portions of the shape, leaving only the Soul Repair Shaping. Still likely too Mana intensive to be used as a spell against lesser Undead, but it might be efficient enough to be a sovereign cure for those greater Undead who normally are the most difficult to put down."


    "I could do it." My biggest shock at that moment wasn''t that those words hadn''t come out of my mouth in some kind of suicidal brag, or even Saffron''s in an obvious statement of fact. The only reason I''d heard them was that every portion of my body visible to Sister Siobhan had started an almost burning tingle as she stared rapturously at me and whispered those words. When the others started to object, without turning to face them she straightened her spine and said, "I am the High Priestess of Canta to the City of Phileo, and was a Healer of Souls years before he anointed me so. Should the Undead threaten those under my care, they will learn what that means, to their final detriment."


    While on the one hand, go Sister, take charge of your destiny and all that good shit? On the other hand that ''rapturous stare'' had started with a little too little ''Maid of Orleans'' and a little too much ''Gowron'' in it already. When the rest of the class including the Doctors all got deep into the mechanics of the Revive Spell, with Saffron and a couple others who''d been in Advanced Mana Shaping with us bringing open those little windows I thought of as ''Spell Coding Windows'', Saffron popping a big visible-light one at the front of the class to throw the best ideas onto, Siobhan mouthed the word, ''Summer'' at me, and I swear to God I felt like I already had a sunburn coming on.


    I believe the word you''re looking for is ''rug burn''. Maybe ''carpet burn''. You know, I don''t quite remember the last time I seduced a woman as a woman; I''m sure the slang has... oh, sorry, daughter, Sigyn has sudden urgent need of me. Must run.


    I was so fucked.


    Without a single second''s pause, Saffron thought back, all by yourself? That''s new.


    Fine. We are all so fucked.


    That''s not quite true either, love. As my mind filled up with essence of Jackie Chan''s ''my brain is full of fuck'' and Saffron blithely jumped the Academy straight past ''whiteboards'' to ''smartboards'', she continued my speed run toward possibly-drooling mental meltdown with, the three of us have to wait until after class. But my cruel Goddess insists on making poor Siobhan wait until Summer. Of course, my adorable little Kitten lacks the ability to leave anything less than complete.


    So, so brutally cruel. Yet another thing I worship about you, Goddess Mine.

 Day Two Hundred And Seventy-Four

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, I think I may have some kind of complex, which normally is something I''d jokingly say as a form of denial or deflection, but I think recuperation makes me introspective and into Personal Growth and shit like that.


    Okay, when I try to be honest about it, I''ve probably got more than one complex. I''ve probably got a whole industrial park. I have enough issues to support multi-decade monthly subscriptions. You can fit so much trauma in this noggin, you wouldn''t believe it. You like my sense of humor? Thanks! It''s a deflection and denial mechanism!


    Seriously, though, how do I malfunction me, let me count the ways. Standard issue superiority complex which is only a transparently thin veneer over a miles deep inferiority complex. Check. Abandonment issues from Dad leaving, abandonment issues from Mom dying, abandonment issues from my Sister leaving, abandonment issues from me dying. Check, check, check, holy fuck I didn''t realize that last one was true until I jokingly added it to the list. Fear of commitment, which would be fuckin'' weird if I didn''t have it given the abandonment thing. Some Oppositional Defiant Disorder, maybe genetic, maybe stemming from growing up in an environment where The Man usually is out to screw you, even if it''s in the most industrial and negligent kind of way. Definitely Anger Issues, not to mention a long list of poor mechanisms for expressing anger. Oh, shit, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms. I''ve got, like, a whole fucking Grainger Catalog of Mechanisms, and while all of them work to one degree or another, the catalog is obviously from an alternate universe where OSHA stands for ''Our Shit Hurts Anyone'' or something like that. I mean, hell, my go-to universal Coping Mechanism, and possibly my healthiest one, which isn''t saying it''s ''healthy'', just saying all the others are worse, is having sex until I can''t remember my own name.


    Oh. Completely untreated Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. In case that wasn''t blindingly obvious by this point. Although I veer wildly between ''standard'' female and male presentation of that. I mean, I can totally fucking hyper-focus, usually on fucking, but I can also bounce around like a genetic hybrid of a Mexican Jumping Bean and a Squirrel that''s been force fed cocaine mixed with powdered sugar. So that''s definitely probably hiding some other shit, but also suggests I might not be quite as cis as I''ve usually considered myself. Like, I don''t have dysmorphia, which is really fuckin'' weird if you think that I''m literally not in my original issue body, but the idea of having a cock instead of a vajayjay? Also completely unruffling of my jimmies. If somebody asked me why I walk around being a woman twenty four seven when I''m not all that attached to it, I''d probably say something about habit and knowing how all the parts work. Unless they were being a dick about it, which I''d probably respond to with a swift kick in the crotch and demonstration that if you grab any presentation of nipple hard enough and twist, that shit hurts.


    I''m not going into anything about ''kinks'' here, because much like ''identity'' and ''orientation'', ''kinks'' are not ''disorders''. People like what they fuckin'' like when they''re fuckin, and if the DSM wants to argue, I''ll remind it that it is a man-made list, while I am a Primordial force of fucking nature, and it can Get Fucked.


    Y''know? I think I really am starting to feel better. Because sitting still for whatever length of time is no longer prompting ''oh, fuck, my everything hurts, please drug and or fuck me into unconsciousness. Both if that''s an option.'' Instead I''m just letting my brain run at its own pace in whatever direction it feels like going. Which, what with actually thinking with some amount of seriousness about all the ways I''ve been fucked without Consent by life in general, makes me think that whatever part of me takes over when I just vibe actively wants to engage in the whole ''growing up and becoming the best Adult Version Of Myself that I can manage, given the aforementioned fuckery and damage''.


    Which, in and of itself, weirds me out just a little bit, but I think it''s progress that I can honestly describe it that way, instead of that being a deflection.


    That whole thought process started at some point while I listened to Glass, Siobhan, and Saffron discussing the nature of the Soul. I pretty much just sat in the back of the class and vibed and played Booster Seat for Isnomi, who decided to imitate the less active members of the class and sit upright with hands clasped in front of them listening to the Experts talk. Y''know, the way Adults do when important shit is going on and they''ve nothing non-performative to add.


    By the time class was over, I''d realized I had a few bits of Adulting that desperately needed doing, and told myself that I would absolutely not complete my Kitten''s Penance until I did them, because debauchery is absolutely the juiciest worm to put on my personal hook. As we all gathered together after dinner to head home, I caught Sister Siobhan before she left for the night. "Hey, Sister?"


    She jumped a little bit, a kind of deer in headlights, small mammal realizing they were being watched by a hovering hawk, curious cat, and staring snake all at once thing. "Y-y-yes, Tabitha?" she stuttered.


    I kept my hands down, my smile friendly, and made sure she had a clear path to exit safely when I asked, "We''re heading down to the Infirmary to drop Isnomi off with Grandma. Did you want to come with us?"


    She smiled uncertainly and said, "sure?"


    I walked back to the family, took Saffron by the hand, waited until Saffron had Marie''s hand, Menace sat on Marie''s shoulders, and Marie had her other hand on her cart before holding my other hand out to Sister Siobhan. She looked a little like she wanted to run away, but after arguing with herself for a second reached out and put her hand in mine. The moment our hands touched, I stepped us to the Infirmary, gave her hand the lightest of squeezes so she knew I wasn''t, like, unwilling to come in physical contact with her or some shit like that, then let go of her. I turned to Saffron and quietly said, "I need to talk to the Sister for a second. Can I meet you guys back at home after?"


    Saffron nodded, saying, "certainly, love," while simultaneously thinking, just remember your obligations should you once again make this a literal fucking infirmary.


    I know, love. Not intending anything of the sort though.


    As she and Marie headed over to Grandma to drop Isnomi off, I stepped over to the Sister''s desk, grabbed one of the chairs nearby, spun it around and straddled the back of it, leaving her chair and desk for her. A little hesitantly, she walked over and perched primly on her own chair, then quietly asked, "what did you want to speak to me about?"


    Matching her volume, which gave us the illusion of privacy along with maybe a little bit of the real thing, I said, "couple things. All of them personal in one way or another. All of them kinda too important to me to do my eternal fucking around hoping it''ll go away thing." I smiled and said, "or maybe I''m growing up? Like, doing things not because I absolutely can''t put them off, or because somebody goaded me into it, but because I know they''re important?"


    She laughed a little at that and replied, "well, as the woman nominally responsible for your health, that''s good to hear."


    "Yeah. Um... the first thing I wanted to talk about involves you. You and me. But I don''t want to do it if it makes you uncomfortable."


    She took a deep breath, settled herself a little in her chair, and said, "as I''ve just noted, I''m responsible for your health. Which given your age means maturing normally, includes having adult discussions, so I''d be rather abrogating my Vows should I run from that discussion, uncomfortable or not."


    "No, seriously, I don''t want to force you to do anything. Really. Um..." I trailed off, trying to figure out how to express myself.


    Fortunately, she just raised an eyebrow and said, "if anything is forcing me to do anything, it is a Vow I willingly entered into, which would mean it''s me forcing me to do this. Much like you are, if in your case it''s to do what you think is the right, mature thing to do."


    "Okay?" I waited a second, but she just sat there, waiting. I took a deep breath and realized she''d given me a perfect opening for one thing. "About Vows. Have you taken a Vow of Chastity?"


    Both eyebrows shot up. "That''s a kind of personal question for something supposedly related to your own personal growth, but..." she sighed. "I was rather less than subtle about my own interests earlier, wasn''t I?"


    I think I might have actually blushed. My scars burned a little at any rate, including the ones on my face. "Uh. Yeah. Just a little."


    She nodded. "Yes. Well. You stir things in me, and I will not lie to you about it. Yes, I have taken a Vow of Chastity. It''s required for Sisters of the Academy."


    "Sisters of the Academy?"


    She nodded. "Yes. We''re a small Order dedicated entirely to maintenance and support of Phileo City Heroic Academy. As such most of our duties have to do with the building, those working here, and Cadets. In my case I''m responsible for the health of all those who identify as women, as well as any who request my aid. Within the Academy, that is, although as a High Priestess of Canta I would of course help anyone who asked, Academy related or not."


    "Oh. Um. So the Order isn''t religious?"


    She shook her head. "Yes, but not dedicated to any particular religion. Sisters are required to have or take a Patron related to our duties."


    "Oh. Huh. Cool beans. Anyhow, um, Vow of Chastity. You''ve got one?"


    "I have taken one, yes."


    I looked around the room a little before looking back at her. "Ah, do you want to break it?"


    She looked a little confused. "No? Not really, I suppose. I''m as prone to temptation as any other mortal might be."


    "Oh." I put on my goofiest smile. "So I''m a temptation to break it then?"


    She shook her head, then laughed. "For a High Priestess, you''re not very knowledgeable about Vows, are you?"


    My turn to shrug. "Not much. They''re promises you make to someone important, right?"


    "A bit more than that. They can be made to anyone, regardless of personal importance to the one taking the Vow, but they are something like... a Title, perhaps? They bind the one taking them to do whatever they''ve Vowed to. A Vow to oneself is particularly binding, as it creates a self-reinforcing loop, which gains power whenever it is tested and maintained, and uses that power to reinforce itself. Many dedicated people take Vows of Self-Improvement of some kind. If I may be so bold, I suspect your wife has exactly such a Vow."


    "Oh. So, who did you make your Vow of Chastity to?"


    She shrugged. "To the Academy, of course. Which ties it into the collective Aura of everyone associated with the Academy, as well as the Academy itself, which has not only accrued a significant Aura of its own over the centuries, but is tied directly into the Ley Lines above it. So long as I maintain it, it empowers my Healing of those of the Academy."


    "Oh. You. Ah. Um..." Shit, I was an adult woman. A married adult woman. A married adult woman with a murderfuck concubine. Which made me realize that Saffron and Marie had disappeared with Grandma and Isnomi a bit ago, and the former two were keeping the bed warm for me, so I couldn''t exactly spend all night verbally fucking around with the Sister. "Shit. I don''t want you screwing up your Vow just because I gave you a mega-lady-boner."


    "Why would I?"


    "Oh. Shit, I''m sorry, I think I misread you when you did the lip synch thing. I thought you were saying, ''Summer''."


    She blushed a little, but said, "I did."


    "Oh. Oh, yeah, well, I thought you were saying you were gonna throw yourself at me like a Tabitha seeking missile until we fucked like bunnies or something."


    She blushed a lot, but said, "I... might not put it exactly like that, but... something like that, yes."


    "Okay, could you explain that to me in small words, like I''m as stupid as I apparently am?"


    She frowned. "You are not stupid. Although in this it appears you''re a touch ignorant. Chastity is not Celibacy. I have taken no such Vow about the latter."


    "What''s Chastity again? All jokes about chasing aside?"


    If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it.


    She smiled again, hummed a little bit, holding up a hand slightly for patience. "in short, it is avoiding unhealthy or unlawful sexual congress of any kind."


    "Oh. Um. Some of the shit I''m into might not be entirely healthy."


    She smiled and shook her head. "You wouldn''t force me into those."


    I smiled back. "Might tempt you though. Like, ''pretty please I love it and you''ll love it too'' tempt you."


    She shrugged. "If I can''t say no to that, either it''s not as unhealthy as you think, or I''m nowhere near as devoted to my Vow as I think."


    "Oh. Well. Shit. Um. Uh. Aren''t I married? Yeah, that''s breaking your Vow, right?"


    She frowned again. "I don''t remember you saying you''d forsake others in your Vows. Unless I miss my guess entirely, Marie would have been put out about that."


    "Oh, shit, you know about that?"


    "You three aren''t exactly shy about it."


    I sighed with relief. "Oh. No, I meant about... uh... something else."


    She tittered. "Oh. Yes, I''m very much aware of what you and Marie did in here." She looked at me, her eyes more serious than her smile. "Did it make you feel better?"


    "No. Yes? Maybe. But not in a good way? Fuck, I dunno."


    "Oh, you most certainly did. The windows don''t open, I had to burn incense all day to get the smell gone. But if it helped you, I can''t exactly complain." She stopped, then hesitantly continued, "of course, I''ve been assuming that my attentions are wanted. Are they?"


    That kinda knocked my mental train off the rails for a bit. "Uh. Long answer?"


    "I have as long as you need."


    I grinned and said, "you might regret saying that at the Solstice. Oh, shit, I didn''t mean. Fuck. Okay, first of all, like ninety nine percent of my flirting is kind of on automatic, a thing I do when I''m not comfortable. Second, while you don''t make my loins salivate like Saffron or Marie, I wouldn''t throw you out of bed for eating crackers unless the floor looked better for fucking. Third, I think Saffron and maybe Marie are more interested than I am."


    "Oh." She blushed again. "I''m... I''m not sure... Are the three of you all or nothing then?"


    I shook my head. "Not what I meant, no, and I have no idea if either of them want you for themselves or not. They''re more interested in you and I fucking than I am. I cannot fucking believe I managed to say that out loud without making it into some kind of sex joke."


    She smiled, her blush receding. "Mayhap you are growing up?"


    "Who, me?" Before I could make my habitual denial, I interrupted myself with, "maybe?"


    "Well then. I suppose I''ll see this Summer."


    My heart started doing a panicked triphammer act at that. "Oh. Oh, shit, that sounds way too much like commitment." Before she could reply, I held up a hand. "Sorry. Not denying or confirming or assuming your intentions, just... Hell, this is the perfect intro to the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. Way more patient to doctor."


    She sat up straight, which is when I realized she''d gradually leaned away from her desk toward me, then said, "Go on."


    "I''ve realized that I''ve got, like, a shit pot of unhealthy things going on upstairs. In my head, I mean, not like literally upstairs. Although maybe some of those aren''t entirely healthy? But I wanna deal with the rest before I even look at those." She just nodded serenely, Healer-mode in full effect. "Okay, so some of the shit I need to talk about is really private."


    "I assure you, anything that passes between us is bound by other Vows I have taken. Unless I need speak to others specifically to help you heal, I cannot."


    I shook my head. "Not worried about that."


    She cut in, smiling just a tiny blushing bit, "as to anything else, I''m not one to kiss and tell. Though I''ve never gone beyond that, so I can''t be certain."


    "Oh. Yeah. Shit." I shook my head. "Damn."


    She frowned. "Apologies. I meant to help you open up."


    "No, no, I get it. Thanks. No, there''s shit I''ve told nobody but my family." When she just waited. I said, "There are a few things, things that I think are tied up in why I am why I am, in the unhealthy sense, that I''ve never told anyone but Saffron and Loki. I mean, Marie knows because Saffron told her. I think Grandma Aetos knows, because we talked about it in front of her. Isnomi... I mean, she''s super bright, and she definitely knows some of it, but I don''t think we''ve ever deliberately told her. Uh... Sigyn knows, because sometimes I''ve talked to Loki in front of her. I think he might talk to her about me too. Stupid to think he doesn''t. If I had a me I sure as shit would talk to Saffron about me." I paused, scouring my brain. "Oh. Conrad knows all of it, because that..." I self edited to, "brilliant man knows everything, to the best of my knowledge."


    Sister Siobhan looked a little like the mental brakes on her train of thought had failed, but she hadn''t quite derailed yet. "Conrad?"


    "Adopted son."


    "Odd. He lives elsewhere?"


    "In the Armoire. He built a place there. Well, no, he moved his place there."


    "He lives in your Armoire?"


    "Yes and no. It''s complicated."


    I waited, and she took a deep breath, shook her head, and said, "this is intended entirely as a joke to put you at ease, but the complicated nature of your ''family'' has convinced me that my own lustful longings must be deeply set, since they didn''t shrivel up at all that."


    I shot her a wry grin. "Hey, I opened the door and Saffron kinda put a wedge under it to hold it open, but nobody''s gonna be heartbroken if you take a look inside and wander off. Or run screaming. Whichever."


    She smiled. "Good. Now, you wanted to tell me something?"


    "Well, more ask you something. I''m... uh... super not-comfortable with telling anyone the shit my family knows, but I need help with it. Do you think it''s a better idea for me to force myself to open up to somebody like you or Doctor Glass, or should I ask Saffron or Loki for help?"


    "In my professional opinion as your Healer?"


    "Yeah."


    "If you have an option you can do without forcing yourself, that''s probably healthier. Especially considering your hesitation has nothing to do with asking me for help, but with telling me something they already know."


    She went silent while I chewed on that for a bit. "You sure?"


    She smiled and reached out a hand to lay on mine where I clutched the back of the chair. "Tomorrow is still your Devotional day, yes?" At my nod, she said, "well then. My recommendation is that you speak with Loki, Saffron, or possibly Marie about whatever you need help with tomorrow. If you find you cannot, not because you are interrupted by some outside force, but because you find it too difficult to ask your paramour, your wife, or your God Himself? Then come see me on the overmorrow and we will see if you are capable of entrusting me with whatever secrets you feel vital to your healing."


    I grinned at her again. "And if that doesn''t work?"


    Without missing a beat she said, "then we will make arrangements for you to speak with Doctor Glass at his next convenience. Should he not be able to help you, we will seek another until we find one who can."


    "Whoa. Obsessed with my mental health much?"


    She patted my hand and said, "Tabitha, all else aside? You are a Cadet of Phileo City Heroic Academy. Your health, mental as well as otherwise, is literally my calling. My Vocation. My Holy Duty. While I acknowledge that there may be a line between all that and ''obsession'', I certainly am not capable of seeing that line. I trust that should I cross it, Canta will let me know."


    "Whoa. Trust him, do you?"


    She smiled serenely. "I trust him with the eventual disposition of my Soul. If I trust him with that, not trusting him with anything less is silly."


    "Fair point." I slapped my thighs, pushed myself up out of the chair, and said, "thanks, Sister. I''ll let you know how it goes." When she just nodded serenely, I stepped up to my bedroom.


    Saffron sat with the blankets pulled up to cover up to her bare shoulders, a book open in her hands. Marie sat on our chair doing some kind of one-needle knitty thing. Right. I took a deep breath, mentally telling myself that under no circumstances was I to forget to talk with Saffron and Loki about shit tomorrow...


    I will remind you, chorused both of them, which oddly enough made me feel a lot better. Like right now I could focus entirely on right now.


    I blew out that deep breath and looked Saffron in the eye. "You are entirely too covered and enbookified." I turned to Marie and said, "I''ll be needing your help. Out of uniform if my preference makes a difference, but I''ll be good either way." I looked back for Saffron, only to find the covers settling back to the bed. Movement in my peripheral vision drew my gaze down to where she knelt before me, hands clasped, head down to stare at my feet.


    Yes, My Goddess?


    "Before we got interrupted by other shit, there was some Penance happening. You ready to continue?"


    I beg you, my Goddess, pour my Penance upon me until I have atoned in full for whatever sins I have committed against thee.


    "What if you''re fully Atoned and I''m still in the mood for laying down some Penance?"


    She finally turned her face up to me, "then I''ll have to tell Mimic she''s too much of a bitch to force me to Atone until she''s not."


    Yeah. Didn''t get much sleep. Like, I''d kinda lost track of shit when Grandma knocked on the door, prompting a goofy tired Saffron and I to break into laughter while Marie got up and let Grandma in long enough to deliver Isnomi.


    Hey Boss?


    Yes, Tabitha?


    I got some shit I need to talk about today. With you, or Saffron, or probably better both of you, so one of you can hold me down while the other beats sense into me. But there wasn''t any sleeping done last night, so she or I might need to nap a bit. Is that okay with you?


    Did you want me to come there?


    I looked around the room, and when I took a breath the not-exactly-sweat smell hit me and I laughed. Yeah, no, that''s a negative, Ghost Rider, the atmosphere is full. Like, you''d be offended or Sigyn upset kinda full. You mind if we all visit today?


    Would you prefer if Sigyn came there and you and Saffron came here?


    That kinda floored me. You''d do that?


    I felt his smile. Would you do so for Isnomi?


    A moment later I hugged him. Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    "I know. But you are, in fact, a bit less clothed than you might be?"


    I hopped up, smacked the back of my hand against the side of his thigh as I gave Sigyn a hug and said, "you love it, you old goat. Hi, mom. You okay with going to our place today?" By the time I let go of her, The Dress had popped onto me, courtesy of Loki.


    She glared at him for the briefest moment before breaking down laughing. "Of course, dear. Will you need his complete attention?"


    I shrugged, "off and on? Gotta try and start clearing my head about shit."


    "Start?"


    "I got a lot of shit." I rapped a knuckle on my temple. "This baby can hold so much trauma, you wouldn''t believe it!"


    She laughed again. "Then he shall accompany me as well. Perhaps we''ll take the little one gliding."


    "Sounds cool!" You coming, Kitten?


    A moment later she, Marie, and Isnomi appeared, Marie and Isnomi in uniforms, Saffron in Glowing Midnight. Menace leapt for Sigyn, who caught her and spun her about. "Ready to go gliding, little Menace?"


    "Yeth!" Sigyn held out her hand, and a moment later the two of them disappeared.


    Loki yanked his table over to him, nodded to the chairs, and said, "Marie, if you would please?" A few moments later we all sat around the table. Saffron to my right, Marie to my left, Loki right across from me. Marie had her knitting back out.


    "You sure you want to spend the day doing this, Marie?"


    She shrugged, said, "Yes." and nodded to Saffron.


    "She''s as concerned about you as I am, love. Also, should you literally need to be held down, I suspect we''ll need her to do so."


    That yanked a bark of laughter out of me. "Yeah, probably. I sure as shit need somebody to hold me down and drag this shit out of me."


    "Possibly, but I think not, daughter." At my side eye, he continued. "Oh, we will if you need us to, but I suspect what you truly need is to share it with us willingly."


    "Fuck, Dad, why you gotta be more mature than me all the time?"


    All three of them laughed at that, and Loki replied, "the alternative would be rather inconvenient, wouldn''t it?"


    Everybody quieted down, and they all looked at me. Even Marie, whose fingers still clicked away at her crochet. After a while I said, "well?"


    Saffron giggled and said, "we''re waiting for you, Goof." After the briefest of pauses, she reached out, took my hand, and said, "as long as you need."


    Before I could even snark about that, Marie said, "Yes." Loki nodded.


    So, in dribs and drabs and fits and starts which finally started flowing into stories and questions and me telling jokes and tales of Tabitha, I unloaded all that mental shit I''d been holding onto.


    No. I talked to them about the trauma. My responses. How I wanted to get better, do better, be better. After a while we even talked about what ''better'' even meant, because it turned out that each of us had a different idea about what ''better'' was. Fuck, they even had different ideas about what ''better'' meant for each of us, too.


    Just like always, time was weird in Loki''s cave. We talked for an eternity. We talked for multiple eternities. We talked for moments, for seconds. But eventually Saffron looked at me, wry grin on her face, and said, "as the only one in the room who cannot be worshipped to full wakefulness, I''m sorry, but I think I''ll need to get some sleep before class tomorrow."


    I grinned at her and said, "wait, wasn''t there some Penance happening that got interrupted?"


    A complicated expression on her face, she fell off her chair, landing on her knees, thinking, only my Goddess could inspire such soul crushing terror and unquenchable burning lust with but a single statement. Sleepless to class I must go.


    I laughed, pulled her up into my lap, and still kinda chuckling said, "nah, to be honest I think for at least an hour or so I''d been pulling shit out of my ass for you to atone for anyway, Kitten."


    She looked up at me, batting her lashes and saying, "so you''re telling me to be a Bad Girl so you''ve got more to punish me for?"


    Loki laughed at that, saying, "I believe this is where I''m supposed to put my hands over my ears and say something like, ''la la la, I can''t hear you!'' is it not, daughter?"


    I chuckled a little, snuggled Saffron to me, nodded at Marie until she put her hand on my shoulder, then flopped us all back into our bed. I gently kissed the bruising I hadn''t noticed forming under Saffron''s eyes. "Not unless you think you can sleep restfully when tied up until you literally cannot move."


    I... I''m not certain, but I will try, my Goddess.


    "Marie?"


    "Yes?"


    "Just because I don''t think I''ve ever mentioned it before, I''m really kinda awestruck at how well you get ridiculously excessive amounts of personal lubrication out of our clothes. Kudos and thanks."


    I mentally did a fist pump when she blushed a little through her fur and said, "de nada".


    Then I turned back to Saffron and said, "no the fuck you will not try that tonight, my precious little Kitten. I am going to hold you still and pet you gently until you fall asleep, because we both know that works. We''ll hold off on our bargain basement attempts at sleeping shibari on a night when you don''t have to be up and capable of learning in the morning."


    She grinned up at me and, after interrupting herself with a huge yawn, said, "giving me more things to look forward to during Summer break?"


    I laughed, picked her up and banished our dresses to the dirty clothes pile, and said, "I thought I was the insatiable one?" as I lay her down in the middle of the bed, rolling her about and positioning her until she was comfortable.


    "Oh no," she deadpanned, "we''re wearing the same sexual appetite. Our Formal Coming Out Dance is ruined."


    "Shh... no dancing. No sexing. No talking. Just sleeping, little Kitten." I ran my hand across her hair, down her side, over her hip, a gentle caress.


    There will be thinking. And purring. She started the latter when my hand returned to her head for the next stroke.


    "And snoring, I know."


    I do... not... snore.


    "Only if I''m doing it wrong." By the end of the next stroke, Kitten snores susurrated through the room. "Marie? Could you get the light and blanket please?"


    Moments later the room went dark, and right after that Marie settled in behind Saffron, the blanket gently falling over all three of us. Her hand followed mine until I reached back toward Saffron''s head, when Marie intercepted my hand with her forehead. I scooched up a little, pulled Marie''s forehead to mine, and closed my eyes, my hand stroking down her back like I''d done to Saffron, feeling the play of her muscles as she did the same to my Kitten.


    I''m pretty sure she started purring first. Not sure which of us fell asleep first, and I''m absolutely okay with that.

 Day Two Hundred And Seventy-Five

    Dear Diary,


    Weird thing: I''m definitely coming to understand what sane people mean by ''everything''s connected'', not the whole tinfoil hat everything is a big conspiracy, but everything that happens sends out ripples, heck, ''is'' is a kind of ''happening'', so everything that is kinda sends out ripples too, affecting the things around them, and those affects affect the things around them, and so on; I''m still not convinced you can extrapolate the universe from a piece of cake, but the whole ''chaos butterfly'' does seem more and more possible the more I learn about shit.


    Which is a really convoluted way to say that I''m learning shit in duBois'' class, but I can''t help it. The man engages my whole brain, not just the ''build a neat Lego machine'' part, but the ''make a functional shit-wrecking Lego machine'' part too. Yet somehow ''engaging Tabitha''s brain'' is natural and healthy, but I''m anathema and abomination. Man needs to make up his mind, or he''s gonna wind up getting his gold watch shoved up his damn ass. Then again, maybe he''s into that, fuck if I know.


    So we all woke up slowly, quietly, and oddly in sync. Before I even opened my eyes I heard Saffron sniffing and Marie stretching. It took me like half a dozen seconds, until Saffron chose to taste test my tonsils before opening her eyes, for me to twig to the missing part of the picture.


    Boss?


    Yes, Tabitha?


    Where''s Isnomi?


    Currently curled up upon my wife''s bosom, sleeping, as is my wife herself. Peacefully, for the first time in recent memory. I hope us letting her stay the night wasn''t too presumptuous?


    Oh, no. She stayed overnight with Grampa and Grandma. The horror. Just try to give me a heads up next time?


    By the time I realized Sigyn had fallen asleep, you had as well.


    Eh. Fair point. Thanks Boss, you''re the best.


    I know.


    Saffron relaxed, and seeing the two of us lose all of our tension, Marie nodded and snuggled in with us. At seven foot tall without really stretching anywhere near as much as she could, Marie''s capable of impressive feats of snuggling. I''m pretty sure that ''nose shaped to poke breathing passages in tits while suckling'' feature is the only reason Saffron didn''t worry about suffocating.


    No, I simply trust you both with my life and death, should it come to that.


    "You know that''s a little bit intimidating, right? Like you say shit like that and all my sphincters clench, because I know there are things you want to do that will piss off people who will not hesitate to kill you." Nuzzling the top of her head while I said that might have sent a mixed message, but, and listen carefully, because this part is important, fuck off, she smells nice.


    I trust that if I die doing something worthwhile, you''ll see it finished, and bring me home, whether that''s here or the place you choose for my Soul''s eternal rest. What with trusting you to correct any unfortunate canoodling fatalities, I really ought to trust you with more important things than that, right?


    "Well, yeah, that would make sense if I were a mature, adult kind of deity, but what if I decide your eternal resting place will be face down in my lady bits or something equally stupid and on brand for me?"


    When fear tries to sway me from my righteous course, I turn to the wise words of My Goddess, who said, ''don''t threaten me with a good time, bitch''.


    I laughed into her hair, and found myself running my free hand down Marie''s spine, scratching gently. I nuzzled the top of Saffron''s head a little when Marie did the same to mine, and said, "I''m not sure how I feel about you getting into calling me ''bitch'' when you want me to take charge."


    If my Goddess wishes me to stop, she has but to tell me so.


    "If I meant I wanted you to stop, I''d say stop. I mean, you don''t really think I''m a bitch, right?" I low key hated the way saying that made me whine, but somehow her answer was important to me.


    Of course you are, but only when you''re required to be. Or when your most faithful worshipper requests and requires, begs and berates you to be.


    "Wait, what? The fuck?"


    There are a million ways to describe a woman who dominates the space around her. That one is beloved of those who hate women who do so, and I defy them by wearing that label proudly should it be applied. And how else would you describe someone who is pleasantly fluffy, rams her nose in your crotch to say hello, and bites people who desperately deserve it?


    I chuckled into her hair even as Marie started running her tongue across the top of my head. I''m pretty sure she wasn''t trying to be a new flavor of kinky, because she''s never been subtle about that, but I wasn''t sure if I liked it. On second thought, I was sure I liked it, but wasn''t sure what her doing it said about our relationship.


    Mayhap that she likes the taste of you? Or that she liked your reaction to her doing so on other places you''re notably hairy?


    "Kitten!" I snorted into her hair, trying to figure out why I felt so scandalized. Probably how blatant she was being. Then again, if I can''t talk even semi seriously about it when it''s appropriate, I oughtn''t be doing it, and we all know that shit''s never going to happen, so time to put on my big girl panties.


    Oh, no, breakfast isn''t for at least another half hour, and in an emergency we can be dressed and down there in under ten seconds.


    "Fair point, thanks for the time check. Her tongue wash can be just the tiniest bit excruciating when she gets going."


    If I recall your exact words were, ''motherfucking cuntscraping fuckballs'', followed by grabbing her by the ears and yanking when she paused to make sure you were okay, screaming, ''no fucklickstop, my fuckmurderbitchqueen''.


    "I didn''t say I wanted her to stop."


    This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.


    You didn''t stop yanking her ears until she bit you.


    "Look, I have very strong opinions about some intimate activities, and as noted watched way too much Sasha Gray at an impressionable age." I paused. taking a calming breath and putting my metaphoric Adult Panties on. "Do either of you think it''s unhealthy? Or feel some kind of bad way about it? Or want me to stop?"


    No, I do not believe it is, and if I wanted you to stop I would tell you so.


    "You''ll tell me if it hurts you. Even if you do enjoy it, because that''s definitely something we''d need to talk through to make sure none of us are, y''know, using my patented ''Unhealthy Coping Mechanism Binge'' technique. Understood?"


    Marie stopped licking my hair just long enough to say, "Yes."


    Meanwhile my Kitten thought, That''s more than fair, but I recommend we do so on a Monday, in public, or using some venue likely to preclude hijinks.


    "Why? Oh, and is there a reason your otherwise unoccupied mouth isn''t speaking at the moment?"


    Because our discussions of amorous activities have a tendency to become demonstrations. And while I could say I enjoy the intimacy of praying to my Goddess? I would probably be remiss not to note that it is in fact my ''pointy nose'' ''poking a breathing channel'' into your left tit allowing me to breathe at the moment.


    That got me. I started laughing, not stopping until I wound up with a mouthful of Saffron''s hair, at which point I started licking her hair as Marie did the same to me.


    That''s just weird.


    Is that a complaint, Kitten?


    No. Just an observation. Carry on as long as you feel the urge. I''m still deciding if I like it or not.


    We might have wound up a little late to breakfast, which for Saffron and I just got expected yet surprisingly inaccurate commentary by the ROTC table about why we were late. It just turns out Saffron and I both find the whole ''somebody licking our hair clean-ish'' really comforting while not feeling comforting. Or we wind up feeling comforted without there ever being any actual ''aw, that''s totes adorbs'' moments. Shit, maybe it''s some kind of weird Bag Hair Shiatsu Massage or something. But we liked it. I actually liked doing it almost as much as having it done.


    Right up until the hairballs. Still trying to figure out if those are a deal breaker or not. I mean, Saffron and I are, Marie was previously aware and fully on board despite them.


    Marie being late for breakfast got a result that I''m not sure most of the Cadets noticed. The rest of the Maids all gave her looks that I wouldn''t have noticed had I not spent the last six months learning the apparently common non-verbal language of Maenads. She replied with a look that translated itself to, "Say. My. Name.", followed, when they all acknowledged her as, y''know, Head Maid or whatever, with, "You''re. Goddamned. Right."


    I think the rest of the Cadets are either going to go out and learn to farm wheat or start demanding corn based eats, because while we all nommed corn bread soaked in butter and over easy egg yolks; they all had to suck up stupidly runny oatmeal. Like, for whatever reason they didn''t even bother to add any of the preserves or honey, either. My guess is that they''re all culinary morons, but you didn''t hear that from me, because I''m trying to be way more polite about dumbasses doing dumbass shit that smacks them and only them directly in their delicate bits immediately.


    When we got to Strategy and Logistics, Marshall duBois had called in not one but three ''assistant Professors'' for the day. Specifically, Heroes Potami and Velazquez, along with Lord Leonard Lancaster himself. Over the course of the morning, we did a second review of ''recent military actions''. Wherein we each did a synopsis of the campaign we were involved with in our own words, after which Marshall duBois asked, "In your opinion, what was your biggest mistake of the campaign?"


    As junior commander present, I got to go first. Joy. When he got to asking about my big screw up, I said, "not asking General Lancaster about the weird ''map'' on the floor at my first opportunity, of which there were many. A major strategic asset went unused for most of the campaign."


    None of the other commanders present seemed set to disagree, and damn sure none of the Cadets did, so the Marshall asked, "and what would be the take away you''d share with the rest of the class regarding that?"


    In a bizarre off brand moment I blame totally on yesterday''s family therapy sesh, I thought about how to express my thoughts seriously, rather than as some kind of sophomoric joke. "If you see something weird that obviously took resources to put in place, ask someone in a position to know about it rather than just assuming it''s just an oddity without a purpose."


    General Lancaster actually nodded and slow clapped at that, but not in a really dismissive way. "Hear hear. Commander Diaz is absolutely correct on both counts in my professional opinion." Then he ruined it by snorting and saying, "to think you thought that was actually a map."


    A sudden moment of enlightenment made my metaphoric cock hard enough I couldn''t resist slapping him upside the face with it. "Actually, General Lancaster, I think it''s a tremendously useful map, entirely aside from its secondary utility as a Scrying tool. Only those who can Scry can use it as a Scrying tool, after all, but anyone with any Strategic training can use it as a near perfect Logistical Map."


    He managed to go from splutter to outraged, "are you mad, Commander? The scale of everything on it is completely mangled. The farmsteads and villages themselves are larger than the rest of the territory combined, and every road is the same length, despite no two of them being more than vaguely similar in that regard."


    I swear I heard a kind of ''need new panties STAT'' noise from my Kitten''s direction as I turned to face him, sliding slightly sideways so the whole class could see his face. "You''re missing the point entirely, General. In that terrain, distance is near meaningless. One gap will be twenty miles of flat, easy terrain, another one mile as the crow flies, but nearly six if you measure all the elevation changes along the way, and closer to eighteen if you follow the actual roads. In addition, no two population centers are anywhere near the same size. A few near the edges are three single story buildings, whereas Lancaster House itself is almost an underground City."


    As his one eyebrow drew up in a ''your point?'' look, I continued. "As we''ve studied Logistics, I''ve realized that exactly where a population center is doesn''t matter, it''s how long it takes to get there, and if you look at the scale of the roads in ''travel time'' rather than ''map distance'', which is pretty fuckin'' irrelevant even if all you''re planning is a family outing, the scale of the map is damn near perfect since those ''same length'' roads all take roughly a day''s travel no matter the physical distance. Meanwhile, the visuals of the population centers are enough to give a rough idea of the maximum and even possibly likely typical human population of each farmstead, village, and even Lancaster House itself. While Lancaster House is probably the least accurate in that regard, since it delves so deep into the hill? It''s also the least relevant to the map, since the map itself is centrally located in Lancaster House itself, which means if you really need to know how many people are there, you can just, y''know, shout really fuckin'' loud and do a head count or something."


    Somewhere around ''scaling by travel time'' Lenny had gotten that ''train of thought derailed, sliding sideways'' look that I remember from right before his son''s wedding, and I gleefully reveled in how my newfound adulting prowess let me keep piling on the metaphoric beating instead of fist pumping. By the time I finished, all he could do was blink a bit and almost plaintively say, "Please, Cadet Aetos, tell me you had some hand in that?"


    My Kitten smiled a smile that I''m sure everyone else took as serene, but it was absolutely a duck in a pond. Serenity where you can see, but absolute chaos going on just out of sight. "I''m sorry, General. That was all Tabitha. Commander Diaz, that is."


    That''s when the Marshall changed my mind yet again about his Gold Watch, this time convincing me he''d get that fuckin'' thing however he wanted to when he looked at Lancaster and said, "So, since your recent actions were obviously the largest in recent memory, please give us your summation, General Lancaster?"


    I swear I had time to plan out an entire twenty four hour Gold Watch campaign of successively more intense debauchery cooperatively with Saffron before Lenny finally got his brain back in gear to start speaking.


    I think I''m proudest of how I managed to delay gratification, like an adult do, when Saffron suggested we Co-Locate and find someone vaguely Marshall shaped to perform ''trial runs'' on.


    My Inner Delinquent is still kicking me about that, by the way.

 Day Two Hundred And Seventy-Six

    Dear Diary,


    Note to self: I have a bad habit of equating ''asshole'' with ''stupid'', especially when the asshole is in charge of shit, and I need to, y''know, stop doing that before it bites me in the ass unpleasantly.


    Lord Lenny Lancaster is an asshole of the first water. He could become the greatest butt-stuff porn star (catcher division) if he found a portion of M-Space where personalities manifested themselves, all he''d have to do is let normal people go there and do what comes naturally, because he''s even more punchable than his son Larry. He approaches the Platonic Ideal of Asshole, and before you tell me ''oh, Plato didn''t think about things like ideal assholes'', hello, Ancient Greek Academic, if those dudes were any more into assholes the culture wouldn''t have lasted into a second generation. Denis Leary put Lenny Lancaster''s biography in a song.


    The man is also perniciously, habitually, and clearly intentionally in positions of authority.


    He is also, despite my subconscious prejudices, my favorite ways of taunting him, and his son''s gradual eclipse of him, probably the second smartest person I''m personally acquainted with. Also, no, there will be no deeper ''acquainting'', even if he comes to me with a strap on the size of a station wagon and begs me to end him by rupturing him like a water balloon filled by a hyperactive eight year old. I''m into nerds, and he''s that weirdest of things, a smart person without any real nerd in him. If Michael J Fox is the Anti-Elvis, Lord Leonard Lancaster is the Anti-Nerd.


    So yesterday I got really stoked when Marshall duBois put Lenny on the spot, because I intuited that he''d wind up hitting him with the same fuckin'' questions he''d hit me with. After a few moments spent clearly adjusting his mental landscape to include ''Absolutely That Bitch Tabitha Fucking Diaz just wrecked my shit in a debate on military matters'', which is probably exactly how he thought about it, what with him agreeing with duBois about my S-Class Talent for wrecking shit, Lenny cleared his throat, turned to face the class, and started talking about the recent war against New Amsterdam and Newark. It''s really impressive that a fart can keep a class of Cadets enthralled for damn near half an hour. Okay, it was also pretty interesting hearing his opinion about shit. Like, I definitely hate the man more than anyone I haven''t murdered to death, and surprisingly more than plenty of people I have induced to do their part keeping the psychopomp unemployment rate down, but when it comes to plans? It''s like Batman made a baby with Satsuki Kiryuin. The moment he realized I could Translocate strategically? He immediately came up with and implemented a plan to use himself as bait to put Saffron in danger to get me to powerfuck the ''Damn Army.


    Kinda galling that''s exactly what happened, but maybe definitely proof he''s the second smartest person I know personally.


    By the time he finished, I think I might have gotten a little personal lubrication at the idea of duBois putting him on the spot. "In your opinion, what was your biggest mistake of the campaign?"


    Without pause, Lenny snapped back with, "embarrassing to admit though this is, a mistake that has become habitual and ubiquitous among field commanders. Which, since we, the Heroes of Phileo City, are meant to be a cut above, and I am near-universally acknowledged as our greatest field commander, is no excuse for me making that mistake. I slept in my Command Tent."


    DuBois blinked. "Sleeping in your command tent was your biggest mistake." Lancaster nodded. "And what would be the takeaway you''d share with the class regarding that?"


    Lancaster chuckled, proving even an exterior rectal sphincter can simulate charm in its human form. "While the baseline ought be obvious, even to you, William, for forms'' sake, the core takeaway is do not unintentionally mark yourself out as Commander of a force, and in fact do so only when doing so will grant some benefit to the mission. I suppose a secondary takeaway might be utilizing common markers of Command like Command tents as traps for enemy raids and assassins, but that might be," the hole of all asses turned to look at me, "what is that phrase I heard you use during training? ''Putting a hat on a hat''? So pithy."


    DuBois snorted, as did my Kitten. "So, just to be clear, your biggest mistake was sleeping in your Command tent."


    "Yes."


    "Not using yourself as bait."


    Lancaster managed to look surprised, annoyed, and even disappointed with duBois all at once. "Whyever would I consider that a mistake?"


    The Marshall rolled his eyes and shook his head. "I dunno, Leonard, maybe the whole part where it got both of us killed?"


    Credit where it''s due, Lancaster can clench himself hard enough to create gravitational eddies not unlike those found at the center of a spiral galaxy. "Your point?" Then he chuckled at duBois, interrupting his reply by saying, "I''m surprised at you William. Even a little disappointed, really. Here I implicitly recognize and acknowledge the wisdom of your favorite tidbit of military wisdom, and you miss it entirely. But to make it clear, since this is an academic setting and some things should as such be made explicit, ''if it''s stupid and it works, it''s not stupid''. And the results of the Battles of the Walls speak for themselves, do they not? A three to thirty three thousand casualty rating is a record I doubt I will best, though I do have high hopes of and look forward to seeing it bested in my lifetime."


    DuBois just kinda sat there gobsmacked while the class chuckled, eventually starting to laugh himself. I figured I had to step up and save the old man''s dignity, so I raised my hand, and when Lancaster called on me, asked, "I gotta ask, who doesn''t consider you our best field commander? You said that like you knew someone whose opinion matters to you."


    "Of course I did. Because the person whose opinion I value most highly on the matter disagrees."


    "Okay," I replied, "who specifically?"


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    "Why, myself, of course."


    Fell back on duBois training. Never stop moving. Also, my mouth had kinda gone on automatic when my train of thought derailed. "Who''s our best field commander then?"


    The asshole clenched itself at me in a parody of a triumphant grin, his expression screaming, ''game, set, checkmate''. Yeah, I don''t play backgammon or whatever. "The only one I''ve willingly subordinated myself to in my lifetime, the Imperator of the Inter-City Alliance."


    Yeah. To sum up and remind myself, ''Asshole. Not stupid.''


    I don''t remember any of the rest of the class. I think Potami actually gave an entire campaign synopsis, and I didn''t even notice that titanium deli slicer of a voice talking for like half an hour straight. My brain wouldn''t even conjure up fucked up images of her and Velazquez doing the nasty. Tabitha.exe crashed, hard, and refused to reboot.


    When Marie and Menace showed up with dinner, I kinda ate on automatic, yeeting half of my food at Isnomi, playing catch with her. When I sat there doing my best internal Jack Sparrow thinking, ''but where has the food gone?'', I stood up, pulled Saffron up under my arm, scooped up Isnomi, and fell sideways into Marie, letting her catch me in our bedroom. I set the rug rat on the floor and gave her a little shove on the butt toward her room, saying, "go get ready for bed like a Big Girl, Menace." When she toddled off, I turned to Marie and quietly said, "could you please close the door and put her to bed?" When she turned to do so, I grabbed at her, laying a hand on her forearm and adding, "you''re welcome to come back in as soon as she''s asleep if you like, but right now I need Saffron to ride my face like a bicycle seat until one of us passes out. Hopefully me, because my brain is still stuck on Lenny kowtowing to her verbally. I mean, he''s right, but him saying it? Does not compute."


    Marie just smiled, nodded, and walked into the other room, closing the door behind her as she went. Meanwhile Saffron lay her fingers on the side of my face and, gently stroking my scars, said, "My Goddess, might I suggest instead I practice for when I must model for the inevitable mounted statue of me?"


    "Howzat better?" I asked, collapsing onto the bed and flopping onto my back.


    She smiled at me, Glowing Midnight replacing her uniform in an eyeblink. "Not only do I get to wear this, which I know you love? Thigh pressure and bouncing."


    "Yep. Lancaster''s right."


    She giggled at me. "Oh, my. Those words? Coming out of your mouth? You do need a, what did you call it? A factory reset." Then Glowing Midnight threw my vision into wireframe.


    Slept really fuckin'' well. Mimic dreamt of seeing Mom''s face in the gaps between the stars, a kind of negative space constellation. She also tried to ignore the crop dusting coming from the south to no avail.


    I woke up to Saffron using me as an air mattress while still wrapped in Glowing Midnight. I watched her until I got to see the Saffron Boot Up Sequence, which finished with her, eyes still closed, licking my neck clean. Both sides and the middle, everyplace she could reach without me moving. When I could talk without giggling from the tongue tickles, I said, "Good Morning Kitten. You gotta leave early?"


    "No."


    "Then why this?" I nodded at Glowing Midnight.


    "For you."


    I''ve never actually had a raging lady-boner overwhelmed by warm fuzzies before. Oddly enough? Me likey. "My Wife is Best Wife."


    "No You."


    I had no choice at that point but pulling her down into a kiss that lasted until our Menace pushed us apart, saying, "Beffas! Beffas!"


    If her growth spurt is anything like her eating, she''s gonna wind up carrying Lachlan around like one of those purse dogs. Oh, God, now I''ve got the entirely unwanted image of adult her carrying Lachlan around in her purse like and as a vibrator. Brain bleach, please.


    You made me think that with my own brain. No brain bleach for you.


    Thanks. Boss. You''re. The best.


    I know.


    When we got up to the Practice Yard, I was definitely in a mood to work out some aggression. DuBois called me over, then called the rest of the class over as well. "Cadet Diaz, Cadet Aetos, could you please bring High Priestess Darling up here?"


    "High Priestess who now?"


    He smiled, shook his head, and said, "Sister Siobhan."


    High Priestess Sister Siobhan Darling. Because of course she is. Fates, if you keep throwing these little dying dream hints at me, I''m gonna come give you impromptu clit piercings. Just sayin, cut that shit out. A few moments later I had Sister Siobhan standing next to Marshall duBois. Okay, behind him, her back nearly against the wall, with Saffron standing next to her in Glowing Midnight in her persona as High Priestess Aetos at duBois'' request. He faced the rest of us and said, "you ready, Diaz?"


    I rolled my shoulders, limbering up a little, and laughed as I said, "you want to go again, old man?"


    He took a deep breath, shaking his head and picking up a big fuckin'' sack he''d had sitting next to him. It clinked. He tossed it in the general direction of the rest of the class, and some really recognizable dull gray short swords scattered out at the feet of the Cadets. "Not nearly enough Scotch left in my personal stash for that today, Diaz. The Rules of Engagement are simple; no deliberate kill shots, no hitting someone when they''re down," he paused thoughtful, then continued before I could say anything, "unless they''re still attacking, which means they''re still fair game. No attacking anyone within weapon reach of the High Priestesses. If you go to them or are taken to them for Healing, you''re out, sit down in an orderly line beside them. If you take someone else to them for healing, you can return to the fight after you''re at least three long paces away from them or anyone else is who is out. Remain within the Practice Yard. Any questions regarding the Rules of Engagement?"


    One of the other Cadets called out, "Full contact?"


    "No deliberate kill shots, but yes. Hence the on-site Revive specialists. Any other questions?"


    As the rest of the class shook their heads and got to arming themselves with those fucking Cold Iron short swords, I raised my hand, "uh, what are the teams?"


    "Do you get the RoE, Diaz?"


    I shrugged. "Sure. Teams?"


    He shot me a lopsided grin. "You need something challenging to keep improving." Without turning he raised his voice, "and this lot has gotten cocky enough to start making jokes about you using my face for a saddle when they think I can''t hear." Then in one smooth motion he raised his hand, took one long backward step toward Saffron and Siobhan, shouting, "BEGIN!" as he did.


    So fucking embarrassing. I''d have won, if not for that bitch Smith getting a last second rush of brains to the head and cheating. When it got down to just me and her, right after she delivered my second-to-last opponent to Siobhan, I decided to end it quick and Translocated all of me into one behind her, Mana Blades coming in underhanded toward her glutes. She spun, lunged, and took a pair of goddamned Mana Blade hits straight to her crotch in order to jam the point of one short sword painfully into my gut. While our Jackets will stop a Cold Iron short sword lunge? They''re flexible enough for that shit to still hurt. She used the hilt of the other like brass knuckles, breaking my nose. Then her weight slammed into me, knocking me backward a step or two, screaming, "HEAL HER!" the moment my ass bumped into Saffron.


    I''d say it even spoiled Saffron choosing to deliver her Heal Injuries to everyplace every one of me had been dinged by chastely kissing them and making them better right there in front of God and everybody, but I''m trying to be all Mature and not lie about shit like that. Embarrassing? Not as much as getting outsmarted by Smith, but yeah. Awesome? Absolutely even more yeah.


    Look how Adulty I''m getting! Hooked on Therapy worked for me!


    And we''re all very proud of you for your progress, daughter.

 Day Two Hundred And Seventy-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    I''ve hit my latest Adulting conundrum; specifically, if something is unquestionably childish, and it doesn''t hurt anyone, or limits the hurt to assholes who desperately deserve it, and it brings me joy, need I eschew it to be an Adult?


    Seriously, I need to know, because after yesterday my brain really wants to go to town imagining, visualizing, then brutalizing fuckin'' Cadet Smith with lurid descriptions of the depraved debasement she''s obviously seeking at my Kitten''s hands. Or elevator stilettos, because fantasizing about Kitten without Glowing Midnight is like a burrito without taco sauce; why even? I mean, yeah, still awesome, but if you''ve got the sauce why isn''t it on there?


    Before anybody starts talking about ''but didn''t you do that with Larry?'' I''m gonna have to stop you right there and gleefully distract you with the level of Cognitive Dissonance I can maintain by pointing out that I can and do simultaneously throw up in my mouth a little bit thinking about the world record micropenis haver while also maybe doing a little mental ''I don''t really want to join in, but I''d love an invite to play single player while watching you two co-op'' fantasizing about Bonnie and her Clydesdale epic mount on a surprisingly regular basis. Yeah, Fizzaroli ain''t got shit on me for distractions.


    Wait. What does it say about me, entirely separate from ''adult'' or not, that I''ve yet to look in on my sister or any of my old friends, but I absolutely spent the time to scry up somebody watching episodes six, seven, and eight of season two? I mean, on the one hand that shit is, indeed, fire, but on the other hand, are any of my old friends in trouble? Doing well? Alive? Dead? Do they think about me? Do any of them know what happened to me? Did I have a funeral? An obituary? Did people cry? Laugh? Is it weird that I hope my friends got together and laughed about all the crazy shit we pulled together?


    Did I matter?


    Shit.


    So we did a couple other mass scenarios yesterday. My favorites? The whole fuckin'' series where Cadet Smith, as a reward for winning the ''me versus everybody'' fight, got to play Escort Mission. If anybody ever deserved to be forced to play Escort Mission it''s that arrogant biotch.


    Of course you know who got to play the Damsel in The Dress, right? Okay, before the first round of Escort Mission started, duBois called me over with the other two High Priestesses and said, "okay, ladies, I need one of you to be the ''assassination target''; the other two will stay on standby in case someone gets hurt. So, I''m thinking since we''ll be doing this a few times, you three can take turns being the target?"


    "Or," I interrupted, "we can go with the option that doesn''t wind up with me reducing the Cadet overpopulation pressure and using your nut sack as a speed bag, and I play target while these two stay on standby. After all," I popped into The Dress, complete with her boots, "I think I''m the hardest one for whoever''s gonna be guarding me to hide, right?"


    "Okay, preference noted, and because I''m not an idiot and know what will happen if you''re bored, if I give you the signal when we start a round, you''re a trap and you get points based on how many you incapacitate before they catch on. Got it?"


    "Okay, now this sounds fun. You got it, Marshall. Send me in coach, I''m ready to play, today."


    Oh, man, I hammed that shit up, and was absolutely the worst ''escort target'' from every video game ever all rolled into one. When she told me to run, I tiptoe pranced, waggling my hips, holding my hands to my cheeks and squealing at the top of my lungs. When she told me to stay still and she would guard me, the first time anybody got within like three paces of me, I ran away. From her. My absolute favorite, though? The first time when the Marshall gave me ''the signal'' I turned to Cadet Smith, who had no idea about ''the signal'', and piped out, "My Hero! They''re coming to kill me? What should I do?" at a volume that had the rest of the Cadets snickering so bad they had a hard time coordinating themselves. Smith, frustrated beyond all coherent thought, which I''ll admit is the only rational response to an Escort Mission, just glared at me for a solid ten seconds, then jerked her head in an abortive shake and said, "Fuck. I don''t know, hide or something."


    Because I hid. No, I didn''t use Blend. Yet. I hid, in simultaneously the most Escort Mission possible and the most Me way possible. I grabbed up the skirt of The Dress and wrapped it around my head. No, I had not deigned to wear the panties today, because I had a suspicion that I would wind up getting sweaty, bloody, or both, and eschewing undergarments left poor Marie with one less article of clothing to get stains off of, and I''m an awesome concubine-haver like that. Smith just spluttered out random half words, most of them profane, vulgar, obscene, or somehow all three at once, until she finally managed to get out something that sounded like, ''what the fuck'', to which I loudly replied, "I can''t see any of them now, which means they can''t see me, right?"


    Which is exactly when duBois shouted, "BEGIN!"


    A few important points. First, some parts of The Dress are sheerer than others, and if you put sheer fabric over your face you can see pretty well through it, even if it''s far enough away from your face that your face doesn''t show. Second, points to Cadet Smith for doing exactly what I would have done in that situation, which was to go balls-to-the-wall berserker offensive on the other Cadets before they even stopped laughing at my idiocy, getting weirded by exactly how ''full body'' my scars were, or ogling my exposed clam. I mean, like, ''nothing covering it'' exposed. Not like I was posing for Penthouse or something. Let me tell you, when a PCHA Cadet pushing ''Senior Cadet'' goes ham? You do not want to be in any condition other than ''ready to protect your shit'', and like half of them went down with their shit wrecked before they realized that It Was, indeed, On.


    Four of the remainder decided that taking down the ''Escort'' was the right way to go, or at least the one least likely to get them collectively skewered one at a time. The other four decided to come at me as I stood there shouting shit like, "Hero? Hero! Wherefore art thou, Hero?" or, "did anybody else notice it get chilly all of a sudden?" Of course while their side ''won'' if they took me down, the one who did the deed got a couple extra points. More if they went ''off plan'' to do so, which I thought was a really neat way for duBois to give Smith a tiny advantage she could maybe exploit. Not that she had, because while she''s got academics sewn up, her shit wrecking, while nominally effective, had neither style nor panache. ''A'', maybe ''A plus'' for this particular round, but in no way ''S''. Not even ''S minus'', not even this time.


    So all four of them came at me, not as a group of four ensuring a takedown, but as four individuals deliberately not planning, by common unspoken accord letting whoever got me first have the Extra Bonus Points. They came at me from all four points of the compass, the one coming in straight not slowing down until he got to two long paces away, when he started his attack.


    Which is exactly when I pushed my Blend all the way up, laughing when he stumbled and almost faceplanted as he tried not to figure out where I''d gone, but why he''d been swinging at air in the first place. But I wasn''t done. Hell, I wasn''t even started. If Cadet Smith was gonna go to A Plus shitwrecking, it behooved me to demonstrate S plus plus, after all. So I started oscillating my Blend between ''Pretty much just Tabitha'' and ''there were Eight Valkyrie, and he killed All Four!'' to the tune of They Might Be Giants'' Birdhouse In Your Soul. One at a time, I tapped their hinge joints sideways with just enough force to end their professional wrestling career if Heal Injury weren''t a thing, hitting them whenever I slipped my Blend to ''Tabitha normal''. Not, mind you, out of any wrongheaded desire to ''play fair'', but because if duBois was gonna put me one vee four against poor bastards I''d gone one vee fourteen against? I was gonna dunk on them as hard as I could in the most humiliating way possible.


    ''Oh, Tabitha, why would you do that to your classmates?'' Look, I''ll remind you of two things; ''full contact'' and ''bored Tabitha''. They really ought to have been grateful I didn''t preferentially Mana Blade them in the crotch, what with me finding out after ''Tabitha Does the Practice Yard'' that not only could Saffron Heal Mana Blade injuries without scars if I pumped Mana into her? Doing so required an amount of Mana that caused the injuries to glow so bright it formed the Platonic Ideal of the Anime Glow of Censorship. For any of you who are gonna argue about Plato not being into Anime, I''ll remind you, Ancient Greek Academic, of course he was into Assholes. Oh, and a huge nerd and probably had a hidden femboy fetish. Whenever you have a huge gay nerd with a femboy fetish, an Anime collection spontaneously generates under their bed. That''s just science.


    Smith got a little berserkerier when I included her four in the ''Your Hinge Joints Are Mine!'' rotation, but since I saved the second knee for last on all of them and stabbing a dude lying on the ground just isn''t as satisfying as stabbing a dude that''s standing in front of you, none of them got enstabbified. Kicked and stomped repeatedly from the waist down, but not stabbed. I heartily approved, and when the final hinge joint went sideways, I expressed my approval and gratitude by popping back to full visibility, with The Dress back more or less like Loki''d intended it to be worn, pressing my elbows to my sides and my knees together, jumping up and down and squealing, "My Hero! A Winner is You!" at the best volume I could manage in an uwu voice. When her jaw slowly dropped open, before the blind rage left her eyes, I piped out, "and now for your lewd and inappropriate Hero''s reward!" leaned into her, squeezing my tits together with my upper arms, and gave her the world''s most chaste peck on the cheek, right below her increasingly twitchy eye.


    I considered it a smashing success that the only response to calling upon World''s Best Dad God, all I got in reply was strangled laughter.


    "MARSHALL!" Smith bellowed. "If we win, we get to move on to something else?"


    "That''s about the size of it," he called back.


    She stood there, eye twitching, trembling with rage, then screamed out, "FUCK!" and stabbed me right in the kidney. Okay, I dunno from kidneys, but she plunged that Cold Iron blunt to the hilt into my side right above the hip.


    I gasped, but managed to maintain the uwu and volume enough to make sure everybody heard, "penetrating me right here? So forceful, Sempai!" She screamed, pulled her sword out of me, and stabbed me again. Running mostly on adrenaline with maybe just a soup?on of masochism, I leaned into her, biting my lip just to be sure the sudden flood in my mouth was at least half blood instead of all drool, and uwu''d, "But Hero-sempai, you''ll get me pregnant! Will you take responsibility?" before planting another kiss in the same spot, leaving a dripping bloody lip-mark before sticking my drooly, bloody tongue in her ear. Reacting in the only rational manner to my random wacky-assed bullshittery turned up to eleven, she went to town like a crack-addicted con with a shiv who''s been told that if the prison infirmary can''t save Dejuan, he''ll get his fix on the daily until he ODs. I''m not sure if my laughing made it better or worse, but when I left a bloody streak across her neck and cried out, "Sempai, if you don''t stop I''m going to lose my mind!" that definitely kicked the tempo back up a notch.


    Eventually she ran out of steam and let me sort of slump down to the ground. I might have been a lot lightheaded from blood loss, but the look on her face that hadn''t gone away until she stood there, hands on her knees, panting with exhaustion? Totally worth it. Point to her though, because when I managed to wheeze out, "missed The Dress every time. Nice."?


    She managed to grunt out, a few syllables at a time, "you''re an insufferable bitch, but it''s a nice dress, and I have class."


    I''m not sure if she took an extra long path to bonk my head on as many paver cracks as she could when she dragged me back to Saffron by my ankle, or if her staggering was legit staggering from exhaustion and blood loss. Not that anybody could tell if she''d taken any cuts, what with me painting every inch of her red. When she dropped me in front of Saffron, head spinning from endorphins, blood loss, and my own special brand of fucked up self amusement, Marshall duBois tromped over, blew out a lungful of air and said, "okay, ladies. How do you want to handle this?"


    Before Karen or anybody else could say anything, I looked up and, totally non-uwu, said, "handle what? You said Full Contact, and it''s not like this is gonna kill me too quick for Siobhan and Saffron to fix it."


    "And you''re not going to bleed out before they can why?"


    Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.


    "Pfft. For me to bleed out from a gut shot all the shit''s got to get out of the way first, and we all know there is no end to my bullshit."


    Not only did I get the hat trick of a triple simultaneous duBois, Siobhan, Saffron facepalm? Not only did Cadet Karen Smith also facepalm? I''m pretty sure she broke her nose when she did so without realizing that her hand was pretty much glued to the hilt of that dull as fuck Cold Iron fire iron.


    Yes, my pain tolerance and masochism might lead me to some potentially unhealthy places, but you gotta admit, that shit was funny as fuck.


    Saffron just sighed and said, "please tell me you didn''t just throw the game and risk some kind of sepsis just for, how did you put it, the lulz?"


    "Nah. First of all, I didn''t throw the game." When duBois and Smith both looked at me, giving me synchronized perfect, ''what the fuck, Diaz?'' looks, I said, "hey, you said on the signal I was to fuck up my attackers, not that I was, y''know, to rescue myself," as I giggled internally at duBois'' crumbling sanity, because giggling externally hurt a little too much even for me, I continued with, "also, this was all to set up a teachable moment for Cadet Smith here." When she tried to say something, but got interrupted by a bit of bloody spit leaking into her mouth, I said, "you get to learn a new word today, Cadet Smith! This is an adjective, describing a series of events wherein, despite the cost, you deem your goals met successfully. The word is ''Worth''. Here, I''ll use it in a sentence for you. Getting repeatedly stabbed in the gut just to see the look on your face when you deliberately threw that round? Worth. Totally fuckin'' worth."


    She snorted, spat out a wad of half congealed blood and spit and maybe some snot, barked out a single laugh, and said, "throwing that round for the opportunity to stab your smug ass? Worth."


    I put on my best proud momma voice and said, "excellent! Although next we need to go over basic anatomy, because my ass is about eight to twelve inches lower and about a quarter of the way around. Oh, and maybe some weapon versus target lessons, since I''ve had both butt plugs and constipation that were sharper than that fucking hunk of shit."


    I wanted to banter some more, but right about then my stomach declared ''maximum blood content exceeded, regurgitation event activated''. Note to self, do not puke with ripped up abs, it is a very not fun kind of painful.


    But, as noted, Siobhan and Saffron were right there, so it''s not like there was any real danger, right? Okay, no danger of death or permanent injury, and I had to give Smith a few more brownie points when the targets of her enraged crotch stomping got Healed, because my sense of humor is still run by my inner twelve year old, who thinks live-action Anime Crotch Glow is fuckin'' hilarious. Also, once they had me Healed enough that I wasn''t in danger of bleeding out when she did so, my Kitten might have shown her claws a bit by stepping me through Shaping a Heal Injury, dumping Mana into it until nobody could see what she did next, then delivering it by ramming my thumb up my own ass. Right about as I stopped convulsing from that, she leaned in and whispered, "you absolutely deserved that."


    "Yeah, but did I like it or not? Was it reward or punishment?"


    Before I could continue with my best DBZA announcer voice, she interrupted me with a quick peck on the lips and said, "Goof, you and I know the answer is and always will be ''both'' where you''re concerned, unless you can find a third option so it can be ''all''. Now get back up and go play Damsel in Distress some more until Cadet Smith actually manages to rescue you."


    Which we did the very next round. Something, something, something, ''assassins'' scampering backward every time they got close and my grin got big, doing the same every time Cadet Karen ''Stabby Mc Stababitch'' took a solid grip on her Cold Iron butt plug''s hilt and came in with the clear intent of getting her stab on.


    Eventually I uwu''d out, "Sempai! Sempai! They keep teasing me, but I''m too shy to self-service in public, please come shove it in my guts again!"


    She, being a fast learner for all that she''s not my kind of bitch, called back, "I''m a little busy, I''m good on the stabbing for now, and we both know you''ll do it anyway if I don''t."


    At that point duBois stepped in, declared us the winner, confirmed that he had not, in fact, given me the signal to be a trap, and declared the next lesson to be ''sheathing the sword'', which was way less fun than it sounded. Okay, it sounded even cooler when he ''translated it to loser'', which was ''taking a hit to get the job done instead of flinching like a scared little bitch''.


    I think I might have pissed him off a little with my antics, especially since I think he was still trying to erase my Onotopp maneuver from his brain, not have me hand him a whole shopping cart full of fetishes of dubious legality, let alone health. The Cadets who refused to even take a swing at me pissed him off more though, what with the whole, ''refusing to engage''.


    Smith and I demonstrated by punching each other in the face a few times each. Once, to show we could stand there and take a hit without flinching. Twice, to show we could let someone break our nose a second time and not flinch even knowing it was gonna hurt in an absolutely suck way. The third time was entirely for shits and giggles, but neither of us was gonna give up Teacher''s Pet Points by saying that out loud.


    When it was Saffron''s turn, because she was in the class after all, she switched back to her uniform, pointed at the biggest dude in class and said, "you," then stepped over to the practice area and stood at Parade Rest. When he stood there looking a little bit indecisive, she called out, "I solemnly swear upon my Goddess that I will not retaliate in any way for any harm that comes upon me. I make no such claims if you hold back in any way or continue to waste my time by standing there."


    With that he came at her, a leaping lunge that brought his fist rocketing down at her face. I sucked in Mana and Shaped a Heal injury, stepping to them when I heard bones crunch. Then I looked down to see Saffron still standing there, motionless, and the big dude''s hand spread around her face like a compact car spread around a narrow Jersey wall corner. I pulled him off of her as he tried real hard not to whimper and Healed his hand, after which he gave me a fist bump. DuBois called out, "What the fuck was that, Aetos?"


    Saffron calmly but loudly replied, "your instructions were that I must not flinch. You said nothing about allowing myself to be hit. I think everyone saw, I did not flinch. Need we continue this?"


    The Marshall growled something under his breath, then announced to the class, "I swear to Lugh that on the day any of you smug fuckers manage to clever your way into a situation you can''t clever your way out of again? Before I lead or even send any rescue missions, I am going to point and laugh."


    That''s when I realized, duBois reminds me of Gordon Ramsey. Injured Tabitha? Gently brought back up to speed. Cocky Hero Tabitha? Got cussed at vehemently. I mean, I''ve had worse. Teachers who only show up to class on days they''re being observed are the nicest on that list.


    Anyhow, after some more traditional sparring, he left us to our own devices, grumbling the whole way. We stumbled down to Dinner, then back home to find Marie and Menace waiting with bath time ready. Such a saintly child we''ve raised.


    You wanna know how tired we were? Too tired to fuck once Menace fell asleep. Yeah. Okay, mostly my poor Kitten, but that meant nobody was apparently worshipping me from ''Olympic distance runner'' to ''literal incarnate god'', so whatever. Sleep''s good too.


    Mimic dreamt of Mom in the sky and decayed Mulch in the south.


    Woke up when Saffron went tense on top of me, then disappeared, a scream of pure, frustrated rage coming from the cracked open door to the other room. Menace and Marie both went from zero to tense in no seconds flat, even if Menace was growling at the wall while she got her bearings. A second later, before any of us could really react, Saffron slammed through the door, pointing at Menace and saying, "Marie, take her in there until I say otherwise."


    Marie didn''t ask, just scooped up Menace, and the moment she got clear of the door Saffron slammed it and screamed again, punching the damn wall over and over again until the stone shone slick with her blood. By then her ongoing scream had wound down to a hoarse pant. I stepped behind her, turned her gently around and sat on the bed as I Shaped Heal Injury on her hands. I went to deliver another one to her throat with my tongue, and ran into her palm, arm ramrod straight. "No. Before we begin, I am not upset at anyone present in our rooms. Nor anyone alive." She took a deep breath, closed her eyes for a few moments, nodded, jerked her head in a single shake, then let that breath out and looked me in the eye.


    "Tabitha. Wife. Goddess. Lover. I have a plan, and if you do not force me to the most intense non-sexual exercise I can endure, preferably in the Practice Yard, until I collapse from utter exhaustion within sixty seconds of me describing the plan to you in full, we will be executing that plan. Do you understand?"


    I nodded. "You tell me your plan, and if I''m not down for it, I''ve got sixty seconds to get you working yourself to death in the Practice Yard, no nookie allowed."


    She took a deep breath, muttered, "someone who understands the FUCKING assignment." Then she looked me in the eye. "I am going to leave Isnomi with Grandma, or barring that Sigyn or Bonnie, unless I can convince them to join, in which case I will be leaving her with Raven for the duration. I will then be taking Marie, Siobhan, Bonnie, Sigyn, the Maid staff, and any female Cadets who follow our skyclad selves to the Practice Yard while you Scry up whatever corner of Metaphoric Space the Soul of Benjamin Fucking Franklin resides. I will then project a live image of the Practice Yard and the top of High Fucking Artificer Franklin My Ass Bridge''s central spire to Franklin''s corner of M Space and the sky above Phileo and the Yards. You and I and every woman we can get will begin as much uninhibited carnal activity as we can fit in the Practice Yard, while you and I Co-Locate to the top of the central spire and you assist me in using the central spire as a sex toy."


    She gulped a breath while I sat there, more than a little stunned at the pure venom spitting out of my Kitten''s mouth.


    "At that time, concurrent to those images, I will begin projecting an ongoing voice and text announcement that any woman without the surname Franklin may join us in the Practice Yard, and any man without the surname Franklin may join us atop the central spire. Men and women named ''Franklin'' may only join in our extended frenzied Revel if they immediately and irrevocably change their names to ''Shitstain'' while publicly confirming that name to be preferable to ''Franklin''. Meanwhile you will Co-Locate to all locations visibly named ''High Artificer Franklin'' and replace them with ''Arrogant Ignorant Idiot Overhyped Fuckboy'', with the exception of the bridge, which you will rename to ''World''s Largest Phallic Compensation''."


    Another deep breath. This time I let her continue because I could tell that the white hot rage flowing out of her mouth stemmed from something nearly as deep as her love for our family, and I could kind of respect this level of dedication to utterly wrecking someone''s shit.


    "While we all copulate furiously, and I do mean that in every sense of the word, until every living thing in Phileo and the Yards curses his name, mocks him incessantly, or both, Conrad will pay him a visit, swap his gonads and eyeballs in such a way that he can neither look away from nor stop listening to my projection, followed by removing his manhood, turning it into a pair of... ''vibrators'', shoving them up his nostrils permanently, then attaching his lips permanently to his asshole after making him lactose intolerant and pouring a gallon of milk down his throat."


    Conrad opened the door to our bedroom and said, "I''m going to what now?"


    She turned to him and spat out, "you heard me."


    I have no idea what he saw in her eyes at that moment, but he meekly said, "yes, Mom." and closed the door behind him.


    When she turned back I asked, "you done?"


    She thought about that for a bit, then said, "I will be looping that projection in Franklin''s corner of M-Space until the end of time, with special attention to his descendants repudiating him in favor of being referred to as fecal detritus. Done. You have sixty seconds."


    She glared at me with the kind of implacable fury that would make Temujin think, ''I think you''re going a few steps too far with salting the earth and destroying their legacy'', because if he looked in those eyes he sure as fuck wouldn''t say it. I sure as shit wasn''t gonna.


    "Damn, Kitten. The fuck did Fatass do?" Just to be clear, I''ve got nothing against Franklin. Kite flyer, womanizer, self-electrocuter, general smartass, and huge nerd, so you know my initial thoughts would be respect with a side order of lubrication.


    She growled out, "falsified. Data. AND fudged the fucking mathematics!"


    Okay, yeah. That would do it. My loins twitched a little at exactly how deeply nerdy my Kitten was to be this enraged over that, but before I decided to sign off on plan ''literally powerfuck Franklin and every aspect of his legacy'', I asked, "on what?"


    "Global. Fucking. Inspect." She took a deep breath and said, "Ten seconds."


    I spent the next five seconds imagining a city-wide orgy centered on my Kitten and I literally fucking Fatass'' Legacy into nonexistence, then sighed and did the Adult thing.


    I Co-Located three ways. The first of me Translocated Saffron to the Practice Yard, slapped her still-naked ass in the pouring rain, and screamed, "MOVE, PRIESTESS, MOVE!" When she took off at a sprint, I leapt on her back for a piggy back ride, berating her at professional DI volumes as she ran endless laps, still screaming her rage at the uncaring skies.


    The second of me looked at our daughter and said, "hey, Menace. Mom''s a little upset about something an already dead guy did wrong, and we''re gonna spend the day exercising to get her mind off it, because that''s a mature way to cope with that kind of frustration. Once you''ve both had breakfast, Marie''s done work for the day, and you''re properly dressed for the rain, you''re welcome to come help us out," here I looked straight at Marie and said, "I think I''m gonna need some help with this." They showed up a little before lunch, some finger noshes in hand, and I clamped my thighs around my Kitten''s waist, shouted, "Carry Menace so she can feed you lunch, ''cause you don''t get a break today!" and waved pointedly at Marie, who leapt into a princess carry in my arms. Saffron staggered and fell to one knee, sliding forward bent over, but never actually completely losing her footing.


    As she shoved herself back to her feet and stumbled forward, she growled out, "I didn''t say you had to be this much of a bitch about it."


    "Didn''t you though? Wouldn''t you be Co-Located and doing all that other shit anyway if I weren''t riding you this hard?"


    "We''re still changing everything named after him."


    I nodded. "That''s fair."


    "This is also going on the list. For both of you."


    I laughed. "Don''t threaten me with a good time, Kitten."


    The third me Co-Located directly into Conrad''s workshop. He turned to face me, no expression at all on his features. With no preamble, I said, "High Artificer Franklin has offended your mother more deeply than I can properly express. I trust you to act with your best ingenuity, taste, and creativity." His face took on an expression of pure, joyous rapture as he nodded his understanding and agreement.


    I said I chose the Adult response. Not the Nice one.

 Day Two Hundred And Seventy-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    Okay, I want to be very clear here, this is a serious, important question regarding my whole journey toward enlightenment, possibly the most important one thus far: HOW AND WHY THE FUCK DID I WIND UP THE MORAL COMPASS?


    Seriously. I mean, seriously. There are zero morally magnetic components to me. Not even like, ''reliably immoral'' or even ''interestingly amoral''. The former I could just do whatever I least feel like doing, and the latter would at least amuse me. But no, I''m getting handed genuine moral quandaries when my proven best knowledge skill is ''how to fuck shit up''. Like, it is completely possible to fuck shit up by doing the right thing, even the right thing itself. If I go to Saffron for moral guidance, her answer varies between ''whatever my Goddess desires'' to ''which answer will turn my Mana-Blade sliced bread into creamy cinnamon toast crunch when I slide it between your thighs?'', and Marie? Let''s face it, Marie''s morality is basically ''steal Yakko''s wheel and replace the options with ''Murder'', ''Fuck'', ''Ignore'', ''Spin again twice'', and ''Supah Winna Triple Play!''. HOW IS THAT LAST ONE EVEN POSSIBLE?


    Wait. No. Strike that last. I can totally see Marie having ''Secret Maid Technique Skill, Incidental Snu Snu Dismemberment''. Carry on, Yakko.


    That''s it, I''m getting one of those big old spinny wheels, and next time somebody comes to me asking for moral guidance on some issue I have no way of knowing jack shit about, I''m spinning the fuck out of that bitch.


    Wait. Wait, wait. Is Jackville Jack also Jack Shit? And if he is, does that make him a legendary ignoramus or a legendary lore master? I''m thinking the latter, since if you knew Jack Shit, obviously you''d know something if he''s a legendary loremaster, and you wouldn''t know anything if you didn''t know him, whereas if he''s a legendary ignoramus, ''you don''t know Jack Shit'' would mean ''you don''t know ignorance'', which would mean ''you don''t know an absence of knowledge'', or ''you do know the presence of knowledge''. See? Logic prevails!


    So I can''t say I slept well last night, but I can say that I pushed Saffron beyond her physical limits until she passed out in the middle of bench pressing me. I have no real idea how that looked from the outside, but if it was half as spankariffic as watching her do squats with Marie draped over her shoulders like a shawl? I expected that to figure prominently in any of Marie''s future bedroom requests. After laying her in bed and feeling through her everything to make sure she was as comfy as I could make her, I hit her with a pre-emptive Cure. It wouldn''t be fair to Heal her, since that had a tendency to negate the effects of PT, and my girl had worked her ass off today. I mean, not literally, her trunk retained a pleasant amount of junk to ogle, but it clearly moved like ''generous padding to turn high impact from ow to ooh over plentiful muscle'' not ''jiggle right down to the bone'' like my old body. Not complaining, and any preference I have? Totally Saffron-based.


    We all snuggled in around her, even Menace taking pride of place curled up on the side of aforementioned curvy posterior, absolutely showcasing that no matter what other powers she might be rocking as Primordial Mor of Scary Cuteness? ''Fuck you, I size how I want'' was clearly one of them.


    Mimic dreamt of Mom striding across the negative space in the sky, our fear and longing actually overriding our disgust at the rising stench.


    Woke to Saffron placing a string of long, lingering kisses around my neck. Realized as she finished the last one that I now had a necklace of hickeys, but didn''t bother trying to find a mirror. I''m not sure Saffron was more capable of precision artistry than Conrad, but that would be one hell of a competition to watch, with the audience being the clear winner. I had a moment of simultaneous painfully intense lady-boner juxtaposed with incoherent screaming terror that I''d consider myself the only one more winner than the audience if I were the canvas.


    Oh, look, more conversational fodder for next Therapy sesh.


    I had a sudden moment of confusion, as some part of my hindbrain told me that was today. Counting on my mental fingers, I confirmed that today was indeed Friday, which remained persistently Not Monday, and therefore not my Father-Daughter-Wife-Concubine Talk Time. But I still felt like I had something Loki-related scheduled today.


    Before he could weigh in, I asked, do we have something today, Boss?


    Naught of which I''m aware, Tabitha. If you and yours have prepared some surprise for Sigyn or I today, you''ve done well, because neither of us have any idea of such a thing.


    Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    I opened my eyes just as Saffron ran a finger feather gentle across my new temporary contusion tattoo necklace, smiling and poking her tongue out as she did. "Hey, Kitten."


    "Good Morning, Goof. I''m... sorry about yesterday morning."


    I lay a hand against her cheek. "My lady bits already hate me for this, but I think I''d like an explanation rather than the Penance you so clearly deserve." When her lip shot out into a cute little pout, I said, "I didn''t say you wouldn''t be doing it, because we both know we both wanna, but..." I took a deep breath and fortified. "Adulting vegetables first, Adult dessert later."


    She batted her eyes up at me, "I''ve never actually used vegetables before. Weirds me out. Oh, no, extra psychological Penance!"


    I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "You know what I meant, kinky little Kitten. But your Penance Preferences have been noted and will be summarily, cruelly, and very vocally ignored for maximum emotional damage. But... uh..." I shook my head, trying to clear it. "Did we have something to do at Loki''s today?"


    She frowned, then blushed. "Oh. Uh. That''s my fault."


    "Is this related to whatever made your shit cosplay the offspring of Waldo and Carmen Sandiego?"


    I love that look she gets when my ''random bullshit go!'' clearly intrigues her, but she gets what passes for my meaning from context and is desperately trying to stay on topic rather than giving in to my dubious sense of humor or more or less constant habitual attempts to get her Virtue meter so low it broke forever. Of course, right then she managed to remind me that, and I stress again I have no goddamned fucking reason this is true, I am the fucking MORAL COMPASS of my little found family, which included a fucking Elder God of Wisdom.


    Sadly, not right now, because Sigyn is a very conscientious torturer who enjoys her work. Also, because I find the phrase hilarious, No You, Primordial of Wisdom


    Saffron bit her lip, got a little shifty eyed, then crept in close enough to poke my new necklace with the tip of her tongue, at which point I tangled my fingers in her hair, waited until the ''wordless yum noises'' started, then gripped her hair as tight as I could and yanked her head backwards, barking, "hands on top of the sheets, Priestess."


    "Bitch."


    "Yes, yes, yes, the lady-boner knife, we''ve all felt it. Now out with it. That is, just to be clear, a direct commandment from your Goddess, Kitten."


    She let out a little gasp, even with her hands clearly still and spread open atop the sheets. "Are you sure you didn''t eat Aphrodite?"


    I reached up with my other hand, gently stroking her cheek. "I remember the rules you were crazy enough to agree to, Wife. You will definitely get the high def feed on that. Fuck, you''ll be in the room if I can swing it. Swinging right along with me, both abstractly in your head and because I think it''s gonna take all the hands and mouths I can muster to give that hosebeast a proper sendoff." I paused a moment, then squeezed my fist in her hair until she whimpered. "Now, I ask you a third time and done with it, Saffron Aetos, why is my weird ''should be at Dad''s place today'' nagging hindbrain your fault?"


    "I hacked the Academy''s Aura."


    I blinked. "You what the what now?" I pulsed another fist-squeeze and said, "explain, small words so my poor monkey brain can understand, and no flirty flirty or, since we now know I can put it back in a way that makes me giggle, I will Mana Blade your important lady bits off." She got a little bit right on the edge of catatonic at that, so I said, "c''mon, you know if you can stay minimally erotic for more than five minutes, I''ll forget about that, and by the ten minute mark I''m gonna ask you why your hands are above the covers, so out with it."


    She took a deep breath, visibly keeping herself from reacting to how that pulled her hair just a little bit, then said, "I''ve had to do quite a bit about Auras and how to manipulate them, trying to make my Inspect get through our daughter''s Blend. I''ve been gradually ''hacking'' more difficult targets, working my way up to her, as it were, and last week I finally cracked into the Aura of the Academy itself. Which maintains a constant link to all Cadets and, among other things, gives them a subconscious sense of what day it is and what classroom they should be in. Tremendously useful when you''re in the middle of a Hell Week. At any rate, after some of Cadet Smith''s more irritating comments this week and last, I realized I was in no way ready for a day of her asking snide questions for eighteen hours straight."


    "We could drag her back here and make her give apologetic answers for eighteen hours sapphic."


    "I thought there was a no flirting rule in place?''


    "That''s on you, Kitten. Now do as I say and not as I do, Saffron Aetos."


    She chuckled a little at that. "Ledger. At any rate, your wishes are my commands as regards Cadet Smith, but Wednesday morning I also realized I was nearing a breakthrough on my Inspect research, which I could not continue during Advanced Mana Studies, so... I made it Thursday. Well, made the Academy''s Aura think it was Thursday."


    "How in the living fuck did nobody notice that?" A moment later I lay there looking stupidly at my clenched fist, confusion about why I''d do such a stupid thing when I had zero rage going on. Acting on instinct and using the kinesthesia that made my beast mode particularly effective, I lowered my other hand just a little, cupped, pinched, squeezed, then projected the World''s Tiniest Mana Blade from index finger tip to the pad of my thumb. As Saffron lay there squealing, I said matter-of-factly, "your newest Commandment; use that on me only if I need to be taken down fast. Or for really kinky shit. Understood, Priestess?"


    "YesMyGoddessPleaseTurnThatOffOrRescindTheSheetsCommandmentPleasePleasePlease," she squealed.


    I turned off the Blade, lay a Heal on the spot with my palm, then said, "okay, so you made Wednesday into Thursday and Blended everybody into buying it. Kinda cool, really. But I think you''ve got some more explaining to do, yes?"


    She nodded, then, her expression begging just a moment''s patience, said, "Marie?"


    "Yes."


    "Could you please take the Menace today, because I''d rather her not hear some of what I have to say to Tabitha? I''ll repeat it to you in private later if you wish, of course."


    "Yes."


    She looked back at me and gave me a questioning look. I nodded, and she took a deep breath before continuing. "The following day I was so close to a breakthrough I could taste it, and I can run and dance and even canoodle without thinking about it, so I made it Friday. Then I hit that breakthrough and it was completely not what I expected and sent me into a rage that I knew wasn''t healthy, so I told you what I wanted and suborned myself to your will utterly, lest I do something and regret it later. Praise be to my Goddess."


    A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    Again, I am the goddamned fucking moral compass WHY?


    Primordial Goddess of Wisdom?


    Boss...


    Apologies, daughter. I will abase myself in apology if only you convince me for the barest moment that were our positions reversed, you wouldn''t have ''turned that comment up to eleven'' instead of apologizing.


    Point. Think I needed to smell my own ass to realize it was showing. Thanks, Boss, you''re the best.


    I know.


    "Okay, and today is Monday why?"


    "Because I''m following your example and talking this out with the person I trust most, and I wanted to do it today?"


    I took a deep breath, thought for a minute, then let it out. "Okay. No more pseudo-time-fuckery without discussing it with me first."


    "What if I need to do it because of you and can''t discuss it with you because of that?"


    I nodded. "Fair point. You get Sigyn to sign off on it then. If both of us are off the board, fuck shit up with confidence."


    "As my Goddess commands." She paused a moment, then said, "so may I continue my Devotional Day to my Goddess, knowing that her attention is fully upon me for this one day?"


    I smiled down at her. "You have my undivided attention for the foreseeable future. Now make with the talky. What the fuck crawled up your ass, died, and became an undead rage induction beast yesterday?"


    She thought about it, and I let her think, relaxing my grip until I let her head rest on my fingertips. Eventually she took another deep breath and said, "to really get my point across, I think I need to give you a little backstory?"


    I rolled my eyes. "Oh, no. Kitten Lore. Don''t throw me in that briar patch."


    She giggled a little as she started. "As a child, Benjamin Franklin was poor. Working poor, mind you, with every expectation of at least one meal every day, a roof over his head, and clothing suited to his work. But still poor, and he wanted more."


    She paused, and I said, "reminds me of someone."


    She nodded, then said, "poor, but not without the ability to generate at least some initial stake. Intelligent, far more so than any of his peers, or even his supposed superiors. Human, entirely so according to the legends, although I now expect that was a lie to generate sympathy. Fair enough to be allowed into open Dan social events. Charismatic enough to charm Dan Matrons. Randy enough to woo them. Skilled enough to win their support, financial as well as social."


    "Holy shit, Kitten. Franklin was a gigolo?"


    She shook her head slightly, taste tested a few words silently, then said, "sugar baby?" When I nodded my understanding of the nuance, she continued. "With that social support, he became a Candidate and then Cadet, but after his first promotion withdrew. He then used his financial support to gather the assorted Magi who had come to Phileo seeking freedom to research as they would, with promises of research funding in exchange for teaching himself and a small crowd of hangers-on he''d gathered. Second sons of families too poor to support them, but without the physicality to become Heroes. Elder sons who wanted something more than simple wealth, but without what it took to enter the Academy. Even some daughters who sought personal power rather than matrimonial."


    "Holy crap, he founded the Universities?"


    She nodded. "Indeed, his first major contribution to Phileo, the one that first marked him with our most time-honored Title." At my raised eyebrow, she smiled and said, "Philanthropist." When I nodded my understanding, smiling a little at the not-quite-pun, she frowned and said, "As I now realize, receiving that title for a wholly selfish act that only secondarily benefitted others, and mostly those who could later contribute to his ongoing rise."


    She closed her eyes, took another deep breath. "His next project, lighting our streets, as well as the Academy?" She nodded to the lamp in our room. "Funded out of his own pockets, bolstered by donations not just from his backers, but now by the Council itself, not to mention those who wanted their side-streets or the interior of their buildings lit. Somehow, at the end of that project, he had become wealthy enough to not only rival any of his supporters, but all of them, although few realized that at the time. It also netted him his unique Title, High Artificer, even though he hadn''t made a second Artifact, simply replicated the one thousands of times in differing sizes."


    "His next project, the bridge, replaced a constant drain on the resources of the Bag of Camden Yards. Again he paid for it out of pocket, supported now by the Council, his backers, the merchants of Phileo, and the farmers of Camden Yards. Again he came out of the project wealthier than he entered it."


    "Reminds me of a certain Cheeto and his billionaire buddies. Only competent."


    She tilted her head. Kawaii overload approaching. "I suppose? Although I now realize his core competency was making people believe pedestrian accomplishments were somehow legendary. Although I suppose that''s exactly what his tales were. Legends, myths without substance behind them."


    "Damn. Here I thought Legend might be a cool Title to get."


    "Oh, don''t misunderstand. It is a Title, and it is cool. It always attaches itself to another Title, and by itself is on a par with ''Archmage''. I''m now vaguely surprised yet not displeased that he never managed to acquire the title ''Legendary Archmage", given his obvious intent. At any rate, with the Universities, City, and People behind him, not to mention all his swindled wealth, he began his greatest project, although not one that resonated deeply with any but the Academy. Flying in the face of thousands of years of the accumulated wisdom of Archmagi that the world is a subjective thing, a shadow of the Divine Realm cast upon the wall of our cave, as Plato said, Franklin set out to prove that even should that be true, we could map out that shadow, and with the power of Mathematics, calculate the exact nature of the Divine Realm as well as the shadows it cast. Perhaps even alter the Divine, the Real, again using naught but Mathematics empowered by sufficient Mana."


    "I mean, it is, isn''t it? He was right?"


    Her jaw and eyes slammed shut, and ground her teeth for a minute before spitting out, "on our day of reckoning, you will scream for that."


    "Time, me, threaten, don''t, you know the deal. Although in this case sheets, new, Marie tell that we need. But go on."


    She chuckled and said, "is it wrong of me to punish you for something you couldn''t know about?"


    "Probably. Still commandmenting you to do that shit until you''re physically incapable for the climactic lulz."


    She smiled, then let out a deep, long, sigh. "He convinced them. Showed them his ''new Inspect'' at his Museum, filled with examples of his ''great achievements''. The City backed him. The temples, not just the Big Seven, but the smaller scattered shrines as well, backed him. People volunteered at the temples. Thousands of them. Tens of thousands, maybe? There was a record. A monument, with all their names. An ''everlasting memorial of their sacrifice for the greater good'', he said. Only his name is clear now, although it''s easy to make out the names of his early backers, the women he surrounded and entertained himself with unto his dying day. The ''least'' of those who gave themselves to his bid to add himself to the ranks of the Archmagi? Their names were the smallest, the ones down near the gutter, the first to fade. Because their motives weren''t ''pure''. Because they sold themselves to the temples." A fey smile flashed across her lips, never reaching her eyes. "Family lore says that the entire bottom row belonged to the Aetos families. One branch pooled their money to build a tannery. Most of the others did like mine and paid their rent for years in advance. The remainder loaned their money to a young struggling Bag couple who wanted to open a restaurant down by the docks." Her smile faded into a sad one. "To this day Drivers'' will run anyone a tab, of any size. No one goes away hungry. Although if you have money and don''t take Mrs. Driver''s gentle hints about clearing it, or at least part of it, Mr. Driver can and will make less gentle ones."


    She shook her head, and her smile twisted bitterly. "But that''s just family legend, one I might have gotten wrong, since my mother last told me when I was six, before she died. Because that bottom row faded before Franklin''s death, and he did nothing to restore it. Too busy with his ''next great project''. Which, unless I miss my guess, was making the Franklin name nearly as common as Lands in the generation that followed, and worn with far more pride than Lands." She sighed. "Not that I can blame them. They were children, and no more brilliant than any scions of any families. By saying which I mean, ''as painfully stupid as I now believe Franklin himself to be."


    "I''d say you can''t be a stupid con man, but life used sandpaper to tattoo my taint with notes to the effect that shit isn''t true at all."


    She smirked at me. "My therapy session. But I''d love to hear about that next time at yours."


    I skritched the back of her head with the tips of my fingers, and when she started to purr, I stopped and said, "go on."


    She nodded. "The most galling thing, if not the most frustrating or enraging, is how proud my mother was, that so many of our names once graced the foundation of that plinth. At any rate, he gained his Archmage title not long before he passed from this world."


    When she went silent, I said, "sounds like exactly the type of self-made nerd-lord larval Saffron would have admired."


    "He was like a God to me. Literally, had he ascended I would have taken him as Patron without a single thought, even after the death of my family left us needing practical support so deeply. I recreated myself in his image, and have done so with even more alacrity since you and I first became as one."


    "You mean to say, like fuck?"


    "I mean to say indeed." She smiled and shrugged. "I suppose it''s a good thing, in a way. After all, I modeled myself on his image. Even if it was all a sham, it was a glorious one, the illusion of exactly who I wanted to be."


    After she sat there for long enough that I knew I''d have trouble keeping the thread if she sat silent longer, I asked, "what left me having to tame your raging fuck beast without fuck yesterday morning then?"


    She smiled, somehow managing to include recognizable ''really, Diaz'' and affection in it. "I found out that his ''greatest accomplishment''? The bit of Inspect / Status that combines Divination, Deeply Precise Mathematics, and Secret Knowledge of Universal Constants in order to quantify the world? The thing I wanted to build my own reputation by enhancing, expanding, in a sense completing?"


    "Yeah?"


    "Faked. All faked. Oh, it looks good on the outside, and it would take an Archmage trying to reverse engineer it to see past that, but it''s all fake. Funny, the second most frustrating bit about all of this is that the most competently built piece of the Spell was the part that deliberately made it harder to really understand and reverse engineer. At any rate, there''s no Divination at all in his part of the Spell, he reused other parts for that, combining them in ways that made it even harder to reverse engineer or decipher. While simultaneously making his version of them less accurate than any of their component parts."


    She shook her head as if some part of her still wanted to disbelieve. "His Universal constants? Approximations, and badly flawed ones. I wish you understood the concept of Pi."


    "Three point one four one five nine. I never really remembered further than that without looking it up."


    Her eyes shot open, and unbidden words slipped out, "you will wish you could scream out obscenity without end, and I will absolutely prevent you from doing so." Then she shook her head, saying, "sorry, sorry. Not untrue, but I didn''t really need or mean to let that out just then. You not only know the concept, but well enough that you understand how deeply wrong it is that he used ''three point one something'' as his approximation."


    "I mean, that''s kinda weaksauce, if I remember that shit to six digits and he only remembered to three."


    One short, sharp shake of her head. "No, no, no. Not ''Three point one four'' or something else less accurate. ''Three point one'' followed by a single digit which is randomized any time any part of the Spell calls for Pi."


    "Fuck. That''s not just, ''wandering around in the dark and grabbed truth''s crotch by mistake'' wrong, that''s ''bending truth''s spine backward until it can''t look away from you assfucking it'' wrong."


    "Well put. Would you like the, how did you put it? Shit icing on the urinal cake?"


    "Gimme the tea. Even if it is just really runny diarrhea."


    She smirked. "One example of his ''mathematics'' adds the percentages of a whole together. On every occasion, it comes back with a different number, but to make it clearer how bad his math was? The one number it never totals to?"


    "One hundred?"


    A serene smile, the serenity on the far side of rage where everything is burned to ash, slid onto her face. "Exactly. And I found all of this out about my idol? My role model? My un-Ascended God second only to yourself? During a quest to ensure the health of my fucking daughter." Funny, apparently if you get it hot enough ash can ignite. Or hit spontaneous nuclear fission. One of those.


    She sat there, fuming, and when I realized her rage had hit that critical mass where it started building on itself, I said, "so, what''s the most frustrating part?"


    She glared at me a moment, then shook her head, emptied her lungs, and chuckled breathlessly and mirthlessly. "I have based my entire worldview on the accepted fact that Mathematics rules the world."


    "Okay. Good basis."


    "I still believe that. But, and this is key to the frustration, not only do I no longer have any valid evidence for doing so? Since the ''proof'' was falsified? If I expose his duplicity, everyone else will stop believing it, and will doubt even if I create what he said he did. Until and, in fact, unless I create what he said he did? Thus proving his unsupported hypothesis for him? I cannot decry him as the fraud he was."


    I frowned. "You sound like you''ve got doubts."


    "It is now my unsupported hypothesis against four thousand odd years of Archmagi. An uphill battle at the very least."


    I took hold of her hair, but firmly, not painfully, forcing her to look into my eyes. "Priestess?"


    "Yes, My Goddess?" she breathed.


    "You will do this. No matter how long it takes, no matter how many who say you cannot. No matter that your idol could not. You. Will. Do. This."


    She lowered her eyes and whispered, "thank you, My Goddess. Please..."


    I looked at her, gently brushed my lips across hers, and said, "no. Not yet. I think there''s more you need to say?" I released her hair, but left my hand there, because I liked the feel of it brushing against my skin.


    She opened her mouth, but stopped and shook her head. "I... Yes, there''s more? I think? But I... Can you just hold me? No shenanigans. Not even canoodling if I must abstain, but... hold me?"


    I smiled at her. "Kitten, I''d hold you even if you didn''t need it. Of course I will." I pulled her to me, cradling her against me, snuggling her as we lay there and listened to the rain against our window. We lay there, now and again ignoring my ban on canoodles and even shenanigans, as I watched grief try and drag her into depression. You can''t grieve when you''re depressed. Not really. Depression isn''t The Big Sad. It''s fatigue. It''s not having enough of anything to anything.


    So through the day I held her, helped her grieve, enabled her to let the betrayal, the rage, the pain, the frustration go. Eventually, midafternoon, Marie and Isnomi came home, and we all snuggled around her, holding her as she wept for losing one of the few people from her childhood she still had left to lose.

 Day Two Hundred And Seventy-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    Weird, I pop off about something one day, and somehow thinking about it, even ranting about it makes me realize how I was wrong about some shit.


    Like, while I know I totally go off about me not having any morals, if I think about it? For a voracious slut-beast of deific proportions, the fact that I have some deal-breakers really ought to be a clue that, if you burn me, grind me, and sift me, you''ll find at least a few morals. The fact that I now need new panties really says more about my taste in adults only entertainment than my morals. Seriously, it surprises me to say any of that, but, like, Consent is Important. Not just in the ''puree Villains formerly Lancaster'' sense, but in the ''let my lady bits throb in unpleasant frustration if I realize I''m bordering on violating it'' and ''seek unpleasant penance like cleaning smegma if I realize I''ve violated Consent inadvertently''. ''Bigotry is wrong''. Yeah, I know, most of my life I spent in the ''being bigoted against'' position, but I''ve found myself really thinking lately about things like calling Odin a ''Fucking Legalistic Asgardian Lawyer who envisions himself the ultimate One Eyed Monster''. I''m not using ''Asgardian'' there as a slur, more an identifier of which Deific fuckface I''m talking about, since let''s face it this world apparently kept ordering variety packs until they got the whole set.


    On the Penance and Atonement thing? I get that me having Saffron direct Marie to make some portion of my scars into something resembling ritual art is not, in fact, punishment. Our whole back and forth there is half code speak, half reminding each other why we enjoy turning our brains off and letting the other one drive, half bonding experience, and half me teasing Saffron about how bad my mathematical abilities are. I also realize that me volunteering to do the laundry of male Cadets who''ve explored the fact that their only previous experiences with a penis were, in fact, pleasurable, and adding a second might make it some ratio moreso, only to find that nobody''s stopping them from increasing the number of penises until Aphrodite is staring in horrified awful fascination.


    Okay, I know, it''s hard to stare when you''re masturbating furiously, and we all know she''d be doing that shit, but still.


    Where was I? Oh, yeah, turning that kid''s crusty modern art sculptures back into something resembling sheets is definitely punishment, one that I''d assign myself if I do something wrong enough to deserve it, but that doesn''t mean shit to someone I''ve hurt. I also need to tell them I was wrong, tell them it''s not their fault that it happened, and let them know that if there''s something I can do to undo the harm I did them, all they gotta do is tell me what needs to be done. Then back the fuck off, because it''s not about me feeling better, it''s about me correcting my wrongdoing.


    Okay, correcting my wrongdoing is maybe partially about making me feel better, but it''s not ''I do it because it makes me feel better'', it''s ''I do it because it''s the right thing to do, and doing the right thing makes me feel like a better person''. That kinda naturally leads to ''hurting people so you can apologize properly and feel better is contraindicated you dumb bitch''. Because while I''ve begun to realize that ''dumb bitch'' is not the whole of who and what I am? The totality of me definitely has a large ''dumb bitch'' component. I am presently bringing it under control by, with Saffron''s help, getting the ''horny bitch'' component to sit on its face until it passes out when it''s getting out of hand.


    So I''m not made of immorality or amorality even. I''ve got a few morals, maybe. I... holy shit, I have a moral compass. To quote a wise being, ''broken, and small, but still good''. ''But Tabitha,'' you''re saying, ''how is it broken? It still points unerringly at "fash bigot rape is bad, myeah?" doesn''t it?'' To which I say, ''yeah, the needle points the right way when it''s balanced right, but the cover''s cracked, all the water the needle''s supposed to float in has leaked out, there''s some grunge growing in there somewhere, the arrow pointing at ''mutually joy inducing shenanigans'' is faded and hidden by lens glare when the light''s at the wrong angle... the thing is busted as shit.'' But, y''know, it''s mine. It suits me. And before somebody points out how that''s kinda self-destructive, I''ll point out that I''ve recently collected enough brushes, both paint and tooth, paints, polishes, epoxy, and box tops to get my wish.com restoration kit together and dedicated some time weekly to doing the work to get it unbusted. So yeah, maybe self-critical, but recognizing that my shit is busted, but deciding to work on it rather than using it as an excuse is Adulting, right?


    Okay, I just heard those little ''individual threads snapping'' that let you know you''ve pushed the elastic to its breaking point from my own brain, so I''m gonna stop the recursive navel gazing for the moment. But, because my navel is just the sort to gather some really noxious crud if I let her, I''m noting that I will be back again to gaze some more later, so try to keep that shit from fermenting.


    Last night Mimic dreamt of Mom doing something. Looking around for someone? Not sure, what with the whole ''seeing her by looking at what wasn''t'' combined with, y''know, the unpleasant stench of ninety thousand rotting corpses.


    Woke to Saffron''s lips gentle against my own. "Good morning, love. Thank you."


    "Any time you need it, Kitten."


    "Probably not, but thank you for the offer."


    I growled at her a little, "what exactly is preventing my love from healing?"


    She shuddered, her eyes fluttering closed before she whispered, "other than quite a lot of the hurt going quiet hearing you call me your love?" She opened her eyes and smiled blissfully at me. "We both have responsibilities, ones that require our active attention, which would hurt both of us more to fail at than both of us are restored by a cuddling session, no matter how wonderful."


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    I pouted. "Why you gotta be right all the time?"


    She put on her most regal look and said, "it is one of my responsibilities, and just part of me being my best self. You don''t like it?"


    I indulged myself a little with Pout Two, Pout Harder, and muttered, "only when you hit other people with it. Or when you let somebody use it on me like a sex toy. You should do that more. Like, do it at all. Mostly you. But somebody." Look, I''m pouting here, it doesn''t have to make sense.


    She straight up grabbed my pouty little bitchface with one hand and simultaneously squished my cheeks and wrenched my eyes up to trap them in a gaze like melted beer bottles pretending to be amber. "On the day the ledger is cleared, you will look back on this day and laugh with joy at how foolish you were to request that." Then she leaned in and breathed in my ear, "instead of demanding it every moment of every day until the end of time itself."


    Which is right when Menace sleepily said, "Whath''s a lejer? Legger?"


    Blessed Marie body-checked the conversation in a direction which prevented my lady-boner from becoming painfully awkward by saying, "Book."


    Saffron, settling her head against my chest, a warm weight on my tits, said, "not incorrect, but incomplete perhaps. A ledger is a list of accounts. Who you owe, who owes you, the history of who owed who what when. It helps you tell who you can demand things of, who you ought make an effort to pay back, who has taken advantage of your trust, and who has unfailingly paid you back more than you gave them out of gratitude."


    Her gaze wandered across the three of us, looking a little scared. Concerned, even. "I gadda legger?"


    Saffron shook her head, which totally hit pause on my response long enough for her to say, "no, my girl. Not with us. You don''t keep ledgers with family for the most part, and never, ever with your children. I made the choice to bring you into this world. It is my responsibility, not to mention joy, to give you whatever you need, whether it''s something to help you grow, something to help you heal, or something to let you find your own way in life. Something I will be terribly proud to see you do for your own child when that day comes."


    "Mama gadda legger tho?"


    Saffron giggled and booped Isnomi''s nose. "That is entirely because your mama likes it when I hold her to account, and though it still surprises me, likes it ever more when I''m meticulous about it."


    Then the Menace made all our sphincters clench by hitting us with the Big Bad Evil Question. "Why?"


    Oh, fuck. I realized, as Marie turned and Saffron cocked her head to look up at me, that she hadn''t asked us. She''d asked me. Specifically. About why exactly I when presented with Baskin Robbins thirty-one kink flavors in all their glory, with none of them sitting empty and sad, I kept going for Subbing with Masochism chunks, sprinkles, and melted Masochism sauce over top. Uh... Mom powers activate? "I''m working to be a better person, and your mom keeping a ledger and holding me to account for my actions helps me with that."


    Holy shit, that''s actually both true, simple enough for our precocious tot to understand, and G-rated enough that I didn''t feel skeevy in the slightest explaining to her.


    Indeed. I''m proud of you, love. Her Grin made a cameo. Would you prefer that cancel some of your debt or be saved for some eventual credit towards favors of a no doubt depraved nature?


    Uh, can I get it put in the file to be included on ledger clearing day?


    If her Grin didn''t make an appearance just then, her eyes absolutely blazed, in a good but very hungry way, because my lucky little bitch Kitten had the back of her head pointed at Isnomi. You are such an utter glutton. Is that really what you want done with any favor you earn from me?


    Uh... yeah. Let''s go with that as default for now. Sorry about the gluttony.


    She laughed at me while thinking, oh, love. How often you forget. If it weren''t unfair to keep Marie out of it, and Grandma most certainly won''t watch for us for that long if it''s not an emergency, I would even now be advocating for a glutton-off competition to show you that you are not, indeed, the more gluttonous of us.


    Sigyn''d watch.


    Her mouth dropped open and she stared at me. You will... no, you probably won''t regret that during Summer break.


    Ooh. Ledger clearing Summer break is a go!


    Now the Grin slid onto her face. Oh, no. But I will remind you at the end of break that I will not, in fact, consider that my ledger clearing in any way. To try and make you piss yourself in a terrific loss of control if nothing else.


    I sighed, just a little overwhelmed. "I love you."


    She stretched up and kissed me. "And I you, love. Marie? Is it time?"


    "Breakfast."


    "Thank you. Shall we be about it, ladies?" With that, we all helped each other out of bed and into our uniforms for the day. Breakfast proved that the rest of the Cadets were hidebound, not stupid, as every table now had a big old basket of mini loaves of cornbread delivered. Cornbread, butterish spread stuff, preserves, even a jar of honey. Nothing but eggs for protein, and it looked like the stocks of sriracha had waned, but they still got some pepper, and little chunks of jalapeno.


    Saffron and I took the sole copy of Law and Custom of Camden Yards up to our copy room and got to work. I think I''ve gotten the hang of the ''being a scribe'' thing. I mean, none of it was fancy. Most of it was the next best thing to a fifth grader''s best block printing, really. But everything was legible, un-smudged, and complete by the end of the day. Saffron got her copy done, and I''m not even feeling some kind of way about the fact hers was prettier than mine. Yeah, I got all up in my feels last week, but that was about her writing a whole goddamned reference book in half the time it took me to copy a single book. That made me feel like the whole ''I''m her pet'' thing was way less ''having some fun with our comfort zone roles'' and more ''actual truth, because she was so much smarter that I had no chance of understanding her at all, ever''. It also wasn''t true, which helped wipe those feels away. Her having nicer handwriting than me, and matching my third week pace out of the gate? Look, I''ve hit a point of grown up where I can fully accept playing second fiddle to her first chair. I mean, shit, when it comes to that, I''m the clear winner at life here, what with finding a partner who is satisfied with my efforts while being a goddamned virtuoso. No, I''m not talking about sex.


    Not entirely, at any rate.

 Day Two Hundred And Eighty

    Dear Diary,


    Weird feeling, having a bunch of smart people go on about how smart you are; not sure if I like it or not, and if so not sure how much of not liking is imposter syndrome, and how much of liking is me apparently literally being a Trickster Goddess.


    Some days I feel like an idiot. Lots of them, really, maybe even a majority if you count ''a little bit slow'', what with my genius wife and daughter. I''ve made my peace with not being the smartest woman in the room. It''s okay, because the smartest woman in the room always thinks I''m hot, and smell nice, and she likes me better than she likes the other smart people, and it''s because of the hotness, nice smell, and amazingly somehow that I''m ''nice'', which nobody''s ever really called me before. But once in a while I feel like I need to have Marie make me a uniform with a cape with a big ''O'' on it.


    Not talking ''Omni-Man'', either. Not because he''s the kind of really well written villain who manages to be internally coherent, thinks he''s fully justified, and does shit on the regular that would have me saying, ''okay, buddy, time to apologize and go do your time out before I gotta go Primordial on your ass''. Before anybody goes on about ''oh, he can kill off everything on a planet'' or anything, that''s nothing special, I can do that. ''He''d just super speed super strength you to death''. When dude can stop time and rewrite reality so that the O stands for ''overwhelming body odor'', I''ll have major concerns. Shit, I really do need to talk about the overconfidence tomorrow.


    No, my ''O'' would stand for Obvious, as in Captain Obvious. But just so you don''t get me wrong, I don''t mean I think I''m stupid. I mean along with all the ''planet crack, rewrite reality, stop time, do your sister as your sister and leave her thinking it was a weird masturbatory waking dream'', I also have the power to point out something blindingly obvious in such a way that all the Smart People are going on about how it''s some kind of world-shaking revelation.


    So, good day yesterday; made progress on building up my extra credit in Law and Custom. Before I get up in my own shit about not doing any of the clearly spelled out assignments on the syllabus, I''m gonna note that most of the courses I passed back at Eastside were either ''pass / fail based on attendance'' or I passed them from accumulating sixty five points worth of extra credit, thus ensuring my D minus and place on the dishonor roll. Also did some quality Momming, and wound up both remembering and looking forward to my class today. Seriously, Doc Zeccardi sorta-babysitting, Sister Siobhan providing easy on the eyes, and now conscience, color commentary and normalish person speak translations of Docs Glass and DeLeon''s discussions with Saffron, and best of all my mega tempura sushi lunch platter. What''s not to love?


    Mimic dreamt of Mom, only now my inconsistent alter-ego was scared and trying to hide. Not an easy task for somebody the size of the tri-state area, made even worse by the fact that her method appears to be ''look at the ground''. Oh, shit, right, I forget, because my own doesn''t affect me. Blend. Still not proud that part of me almost literally sticks her head in the sand and considers that ''hiding''.


    Woke up to what I first thought was my Kitten adding some decoration to my necklace, then realized that she herself was still waking up, but had started with her face pressed right up against me, so her boot up taste test wound up doing little mlem licks along my clavicle. Awesome weird feeling in so many ways when I felt her smile and she murmured, "Good Morning, love. You smell so nice, I could eat you right up were Menace not proving the accuracy of her name by having her foot in my ear and her head on my butt."


    "Yeah, but she''s cute, so her antics just give us warm fuzzies rather than making us angry most of the time. Gotta be genetic; her mom''s cute like that too."


    She opened her eyes, looked up to me, and said, "yes, she is." Then she pulled me down for a long, slow, gentle, surprisingly sparsely tongued kiss. Kinda fun, like savoring the bread on a sandwich or something else weird, but not bad. Also took long enough for me to realize she hadn''t been talking about herself.


    Three, two, one, we have comprehension.


    Oh, hush your mouth and kiss me, Kitten.


    I... I''m literally doing that, my Goddess. Unless you meant... but, no, not with Isnomi literally in the bed. But then I suppose I could Blend down there and... no, how would you notice? Would you notice? Could she notice if you did?


    Hold up, Kitten. On the one hand, I really did mean ''keep doing what you''re doing'', and you''ve kinda stopped. On the other, you are hereby commandmented to try your hardest to make my lady bits go ''ding, fries are done'' that particular stealthy ninja style next time we''ve got free time and an Isnomi free bed. "And no," I whispered as she pulled away, "you may not have Marie take her to her own bed now. Not gonna kick the little one out of bed so we can get our freak on. Also, more kissing please?"


    As her smiling lips touched my own, she thought, oh, that''s your line in the sand? Whether she''s already asleep in the bed when one of us gets in the mood?


    Hey, I''m not the one who called me rational.


    Gentle or not, she dragged the edges of her teeth over my lips at that. You''re not being irrational, you''re placing your boundary. I don''t have to understand it to respect it. Also, you won''t kick the little one out but you would kick the big one out?


    I mean, only if she minds me waking her up by using her sleeping body as a sex pillow to prop you up for ease of access. Let''s face it, better than even odds that you just wind up being double teamed, but the rest of the smart money''s on ''feels more like watching'' or ''still too tired and moves over to her floor bed and closes the door''. Does it count as ''kicking her out'' if we just make her want to leave?


    Yes, absolutely, but I think there may be a difference between, ''fuck or get out'' and ''could we have the bed if you''re not going to help us use it?'' if you take my meaning.


    Yeah, I take it, and even without it being a combo pack with taking you.


    She smiled and pulled our lips the tiniest bit apart, still holding our foreheads together. "Sadly, I think it''s time to start the day."


    "Yes." Marie confirmed.


    "Ooh, before we get up, quick question. Do you mind one or both of us waking you up using you as sex furniture?"


    She tilted her head, mlemming like she was taste testing my question, thinking about it for a bit, before turning back to look me in the eye. Without breaking eye contact she rolled Saffron over, producing a grumpy whine from down by our collective feet, kissed her good morning way more open-mouthed than I had, then said, "Never." the moment their lips broke contact.


    "Ooh, I think I know where our communal feisty brain cells have all migrated this morning. You gonna try to convince us all to play hooky today, Murder Mittens?"


    She actually stopped and thought about it for a second before carefully but irresistibly pulling me into a hug, sandwiching Saffron between us while Menace scrambled up with the intent to infiltrate clear in her eyes. "No."


    "Okay, anticipation it is then."


    Her eyes lit up and she said, "Yes." A big silly grin stretched across her face. I realized right then that the thing that made her stand out from the other Maenads was body language, mostly the way she just looked happier than the rest of them, especially when she knew we were around.


    Right about then Saffron started making muffled grumpy Saffron noises and playfully beating her fists against Marie''s front. When we pulled just a little apart to let her out for air, then just a little more when Isnomi slipped right into the gap recreating the problem, she huffed and said, "just to be clear, I have no objection whatsoever to that position, but only when my actions are not constrained by our occupation."


    "Do you mean you were being occupied or that we''ve got shit to do?"


    "Yes." She sighed. "Let''s be about it, ladies."


    Breakfast was a little weird, but nice. The Maids had managed to whip up actual fluffy corn pancakes, then topped each one with what they called a ''tortilla'', but I got the impression the word had way more to do with ''torte'', like the pastry, than the little flat wrapper things I''d grown up with. Kinda like a fluffy, unfolded omelet. Different. Weird, even, but not bad, especially since we had butter and fruit-flavored syrup to go over it. I mean, syrup on eggs isn''t normally my thing? But neither is getting my food stolen, and having Saffron steal some of mine after totally vacuuming up her own because sweets was just adorable. When there were only a few bites left I held a hand over my plate to block her, saying, "ah, ah, ah," and tapping my lips. She bounced up to give me a quick peck, then went to steal another bite, but I snagged her hands in one of mine, scooped up like half of my remaining tortilla and pancake and ran that through the syrup until it dripped, then lifted it up and mooshed it around her lips before finally putting it in her mouth. When her tongue slipped out of her mouth to clean her lips, I froze her with an upraised finger, then leaned in and kissed her. Much like this morning, mostly without tongue except where mine darted around between her lips and my own.


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    I leaned back and said, "just wanted to taste my favorite sweet with her favorite topping."


    She grinned, swallowed, and said, "but I didn''t taste any chocolate?"


    "Oh, lord, you two, I''d say get a room, but you''ve already filled that and spilled out to here already, haven''t you?"


    "Aw, c''mon, Raven, they''re cute."


    She rolled her eyes. "My point exactly."


    I turned to her and said, "oh, so if we were to experiment with whether or not we could each get both arms in the other''s orifices to the shoulder simultaneously right here on the table, you''d be fine with it?"


    I realized the first part of my mistake when she just propped an elbow on the table, leaned on her hand, and made a ''go ahead, I''m waiting'' gesture. Then the second part of my mistake hit me in the ear with, "owwewfishes?"


    Luckily I hadn''t annoyed Saffron with my syrupy antics, so she replied, "any opening on the body, like your mouth, or nostrils."


    "Eaws?"


    "Yes, your ears are orifices."


    "Butt?"


    Saffron couldn''t fully contain her sigh. "Yes, your butt is also an orifice."


    She chewed on that while she chewed on her last bits of, interestingly, completely un-syruped tortilla and corncake. Then she snickered and said, "Wiam''s wight. Gwown ups siwwy. Awms canna fid in eaws."


    "Not with that attitude," grumbled Raven.


    Saffron, already leaning so far she had her knees on the table, leaned a little further to give Raven a friendly peck on the cheek. "Thank you so much for reminding me of that, Raven." When I gave her as much of a ''wtf, Saffron'' look as Raven as she pulled back, she looked up at me and said, "ledger clearing, love."


    "Oh." I adopted my best George Takei and said, "oh, my!" Then I leaned over and replicated Saffron''s peck on Raven''s other cheek. "Thanks, Raven."


    She facepalmed. "At least tell me I didn''t make the cute worse."


    Saffron let the Grin out to play and said, "my Goof is inherently cute, but I wouldn''t describe any of my plans as specifically enhancing her ''cuteness''. But I''ll make a note to show you stills of what I mean, if you like."


    Raven shrugged. "Artistic?"


    Saffron nodded regally while simultaneously shrugging, "as much as I can make it, of course. I''d like your opinion on that regarding the final product, really."


    "Sure."


    After that, the food was all gone, so we wandered up to class, taking our time about it since we had plenty of time to spare. Marie walked with us, letting the Menace sit on top of her cart, encased in five Air Shields shaped into a square bucket, letting her hover around the cart like an old school VCR screen saver, giggling each time she bumped into a ''wall''. Right down the hall from the classroom, I caught Saffron looking at her, mystified and a little concerned. "They''re Air Shields, she''s completely safe." Then, because Saffron, my brain kicked into gear. "Aren''t they supposed to be immobile?''"


    "Hence my fascination and concern."


    I stepped over, timed Mana Blading the Air Shield on my side of the bucket carefully, then caught her when she slid out. "Who''s a clever little Menace? Who are? You are! Yes you are!" I nuzzled her each time I paused, and after her initial mini-pout at having her fun ride interrupted, she giggled with each nuzzle. She completely forgot about all that when we entered the classroom, squirrel leaping and gleefully crying out, "Doccah Zeccawdi!"


    "Good Morning, Isnomi!" He called out as he caught her. "How have you been doing?"


    "Good!" After a moment for hugging, she said, "I godda new game! Wanna thee?"


    After glancing at Docs Glass and DeLeon, who stood chatting about something they''d sketched on the board, he turned back and said, "we have a little time. Sure, show me your new game."


    "Hol on tite!" She concentrated a moment, and Doc Zeccardi''s legs went out from under him, leaving him to plomph down onto the floor butt first. I''d had that happen a time or three walking the wall last winter; while it wasn''t in any way dignified, it didn''t hurt at all unless you careened into an actual wall or slid off the Air Shield and got some friction burns from the floor, but the bucket walls stopped that.


    After a moment of initial confusion and concern, Doc Zeccardi let out a laugh and sat just like Menace normally did when playing with Air Shields, his legs crossed tailor fashion, hands on his knees. By his grin and half-giggled laughter, I think he enjoyed it almost as much as she did, and she straight up crowed both at getting an adult to play one of her games and at him enjoying it.


    Saffron and I just sat in our normal seat, her on my lap snuggled in, as we watched the pair goofing off before class. "She''s so adorable. They both are. Sometimes I have a hard time believing she''s mine."


    "What? I call you adorable all the time!"


    She smiled coyly up at me and said, "Yes, because you have no fear and never saw what I did to people who called me cute when I was younger."


    "Should I be afraid or turned on?"


    "I''d say both, but somehow you have matured me past that particular hangup. I think by somehow inextricably welding together the concepts of ''cute'' and ''orgasm so intense it can only be accurately described by your mid-coital word salad."


    I snuggled her into me. "You say the sweetest things."


    After all the other students arrived, Saffron hopped off my lap and walked up to Mana Blade one of the Air Shields down, at which point the pair of them slid off the side, ignoring Saffron''s offered hand until they toppled over sideways, still cackling. Only then did he let her lift him upright. "Thank you. And thank you, Isnomi, that was fun!"


    Saffron stayed up front, clearing away the other Air Shields, then just waiting there. Isnomi ran back to jump in my lap to listen to the opening lecture by the Doctors. After that lecture, Saffron stayed up front playing whiteboard while Doc Zeccardi came back and sat next to Isnomi and I. "Letting the students do the heavy lifting, Doc?"


    He chuckled. "Little bit of that, little bit of me knowing Revive, but... I know it. I can do it, if I get volunteers to spread the load or a single one who convinces me." He got real quiet. "Near the beginning of the Plague, I had an infant, mother, and grandmother come in. The infant, by some miracle, hadn''t taken ill, but the mother came in unconscious, the grandmother nearly so. The mother passed before the triage orderly got her to me. The Grandmother begged me to let her granddaughter grow up with a mother."


    I reached an arm around him, giving him a side hug while Isnomi turned and glomped him. "You do what you gotta do, Doc. No guilt for not being able to do more."


    He smiled at me, an even bigger one for Isnomi. "Thanks you two. I know that, but sometimes it helps to have someone say it." He smiled up at the front of the room. "Steven''s so good at that, but oddly enough it''s nice to have someone else backing him up."


    "Funny, I pegged you as the warm and fuzzy one."


    He laughed again. "Oh, I''m definitely the cuddly one, but he likes the cuddling." He grinned down at me, "don''t tell him I said this, because he already knows, but gets really odd about people knowing that he knows, but it''s his structure I''m attracted to. Such self-control and planning."


    My mouth dropped open, and before I even thought once I said, "I know, right? You get it!"


    He nodded. "At any rate, while I can and do perform Revives on occasion? Steven is a master. Probably one of the most knowledgeable Soul magic specialists in the world. The most knowledgeable one that isn''t a Priest of some healing deity. I would literally bet my life that he could Revive someone without it costing the totality of another''s soul. If I had to, mind you. I quite enjoy life."


    I just nodded in understanding, and then the two of us settled back to watch the rest of the class continue their work on what I''d come to think of as the ''Smite Undead'' Spell. When something went over my head, which as before wound up being surprisingly infrequent, I asked Doc Zeccardi, who mostly gave me vocabulary to express my questions and understand the answer. Eventually, though, right after Marie showed up with a lunch that the class decided to work through, something they kept circling around poked at me, and Zeccardi didn''t have an answer, so I raised my hand. When Saffron pointed them my way, I asked, "You guys keep mentioning stuff that seems to boil down to, um, ''imperfect understanding of the interaction of'', um, ''more than bipartite Soul and Mana interactions''."


    Doctor Glass looked like I''d said something obvious, but not wrong, and asked, "that is one of the difficulties of applying any derivative of Revive to more than one target at a time, yes. Or with spreading the cost around, although that has been studied more substantially."


    "Okay, yeah, I get that, but... why don''t you just ask somebody with experience handling souls?"


    Doctor Glass opened and closed his mouth a couple times, looking at Doctor DeLeon and especially Sister Siobhan kinda tentatively. Sister Siobhan nodded, and stepped forward while Docs DeLeon and Glass stepped back and took the opportunity to get their nom on. I felt some kinda way, but mostly amused, that they both had sushi tempura lunches today. Looking around, quite a few of the rest of the class did too. So proud of my Murder Mittens. At any rate, Siobhan took up her ''lecture pose'' and said, "while Mana Shaping researchers have spent literal centuries studying Revive, that spell originated as a gift from the Gods, a Boon from Deities of Healing. Which is why the high cost wasn''t seen as prohibitive. At any rate, it is to my knowledge the only Spell that can interact with the Soul directly. So researchers like Doctor Glass are probably the most knowledgeable experts we have on the topic."


    Doc DeLeon swallowed a big assed bite of sushi to say, "a God would likely know more, of course. Especially a God of Death like Hel or Hades, or even moreso a Psychopomp."


    I shot a single thought at Saffron, because I''d just seen the light go on in her eyes. Wait for it.


    At this point, despite DeLeon obviously trying to cut him off before he engaged in potential blasphemy in front of not one but three High Priestesses, Doctor Glass said, "and the Gods are notoriously unwilling to serve Mortals in any fashion; I shudder to think what one would do if asked to answer a researcher''s questions."


    I kicked my feet out, leaned back and let Marie feed me another bit of one of her experimental sushi rolls, then slipped one arm around her and said, "oh, yeah. Don''t ask the only Gods with, y''know, actual jobs and shit to be of service in any way. They might get pissed and do something like, I dunno, poison your lunch." I grabbed up what looked to be a whole tempura carrot and proceeded to Lady and the Tramp that shit with Marie, who, bless her fuzzy murderous heart, hadn''t caught on yet.


    Of course, the fact that when she looked back up at the room, she had an entire classroom of people staring at her with varying degrees of horror kinda gave her a clue that something was up.


    Okay, not the entire classroom. Saffron just smiled at the two of us with undisguised affection. Doctor Glass straight up walked to the back of the classroom, took a fuckin'' knee, and without bowing his head further than looking at her chin, but clearly showing more respect than he had for any other Gods, said, "Maenad, thank you for your superlative meals, and I mean no offense by asking, but could you possibly see your way clear to answering some questions for me?"


    I had to wonder how he shaved his balls that smooth, what with them obviously being made of high grade stainless.


    I turned to Doc Zeccardi and said, "damn. I know I might have hinted before, but I''mma say it plain, you got some top tier taste in men."

 Day Two Hundred And Eighty-One

    Dear Diary,


    Funny, I''ve been talking about being a Moral Compass, but maybe I''ve been missing a little bit of the point, what with focusing entirely on the compass part of things.


    I mean, think about it. Back in ROTC we did a little, like very little, but still, a little overland navigation using really old school shit like terrain maps and compasses and that kind of crap. Even some older stuff that one of the Spec Ed teachers who came along with the DIs on one of our camping trips knew about, like navigating by the sun and stars. He even had one of those little jobbers that you line up with the horizon and measure angles and crap with. He even showed us how to set up and use the cat''s eyes on our helmets. Not, like, any high tech night vision shit, either. Just itty bitty glow stickers that you could only see from a range of about five feet. Thing is? In pitch black night, out in woods deep enough to block sky glow? Seeing your buddy five feet ahead of you can be tough, especially when you''re both trying your best to be fuckin'' undetectable. But those little patches? Just enough to follow your buddy, and for the guy behind you to follow you.


    What I''m trying to say, but mostly failing because I''m an idiot? If you''re trying to plot out your path to becoming a better person you need a compass, and sometimes that means taking the shitty one you were issued and fixing it up into something a lot less shitty and maybe a little more stylish, but sometimes it also means you need something else. A map. Some kinda way to plot out your route. A way to keep everybody with the group so you don''t wind up arriving with a radically different number of people than you started with. I mean, a lot of people insist on the exact number, but what about if you find somebody lost in the woods, and they''re cute and adorkable and kinda hot even with the vague serial killer cannibal vibe they give off? And if the two dudes who said they both needed to take a crap at the same time, which is just codespeak for an entirely different kind of rectal activity if you ask me, never come back from their mutual ass plundering? Just more food for you and your hot new friend, even if they say they''re not really hungry.


    Okay, bad example, maybe, but both those guys were back in school the next week, and serial killer had his own Nextflix account, which kinda obligated me to bring the chill. That''s how that works, it''s like a potluck dinner, right? Which brings me somehow back around to my point; sometimes in our little self-made family units, one of us has a compass, another has a map, somebody else knows how to use the two to stay headed in the right direction, and somebody else brought the fully charged phone and the four pack of bluetooth earbuds, so everybody''s got tunes for the trip.


    Doctor Steven ''Smooth As'' Glass managed an achievement I''ve only gotten a couple times myself; he made Marie blush. When he realized, he bowed his head, said, "forgive my impertinence, Maenad," then turned to go.


    Before he took a step, Marie kinda prevented any movement with a hand wrapped around his upper arm. "Wait."


    He turned back around, and I saw he felt some kinda way, and all the smooth was bubbling off like poorly cured paint in the summer. Before he could say anything, I asked, "Do you want to help, Marie?"


    "Yes."


    That stopped him. Weird, how many smart people in the here and now would go from zero to fuck your entire existence when presented with a God, even a wannabe God, who rubbed them exactly the wrong way. Might be something to that, when I thought about the folks who defined Godding in the here and now. At any rate, her answering my question that way seemed to throw him off his smoove. Not for long, though. After a few moments in that slightly head-tilted, ''processing'' pose, he nodded just a tiny bit and said, "forgive my impertinence if this offends, but is your reticence a thing of nature or preference?"


    I lay a hand on her arm and said, "I got this one, Marie." Then I turned to him and explained, "first, I''m not absolutely certain it''s the only reason, but the Maenads'' mouths were not made for talking, precisely. Saying anything coherent takes them a lot more effort than you. Shit tons less than me, obviously. But if you''d lived since before Phileo was founded with a speech impediment like that, you''d probably get monosyllabic too, but you''d get pretty fuckin'' good at picking the best goddamned syllable if somebody gives you half a fuckin'' second to process. That about cover it, Marie?"


    "Yes."


    Doc Glass nodded, "forgive me, Maenad."


    I took a deep breath and blew it out. "That''s another couple things. Her name is Marie. I''ve never heard her get pissy with somebody for calling her that, although apparently the name ''Maenad Marie'' makes Arse shit himself so hard his Priests have to change their underwear. Frankly, given that she''s been cleaning up literal shit here at the Academy for over four centuries, ordered around by people who have forgotten what she and her sisters really are, and not once decided to just empty the Academy and start over? I don''t think you''re gonna piss her off asking her polite questions. Frankly, given your obvious eagerness and her reaction to eager, the worst thing that''s likely to happen to you is a really unwanted expansion of your crotch region." That got a smirk out of him and a laugh out of Doc Zeccardi, so I finished up with, "before we get back to your newfound interest in the inner workings of Essence of Woman, I''m just gonna ask Marie to let me know if you''re pissing her off, because I''m sure you won''t be doing it on purpose. If I wave you down and you don''t stop, though? Just remember, she may not be entirely subtle, but she''s stealthy as shit, and I''ve seen her rip the heart out of one of Arse''s High Priests... through half inch thick Cold Iron Armor. So if you do decide to court death by ignoring me telling you to back off? You will literally only see it coming if she wants you to." I stopped, thought for a second, then nodded. "We good?"


    Wonder of wonders, he just smiled. "If Maenad Marie would indulge my preference for formality just the tiniest bit longer? I''d like to thank you, Marie, you and your sisters, for perhaps being an exemplar of what a Deity ought to be. Not by subordinating yourself, but by protecting and serving your chosen people. On behalf of Phileo, which might not exist today without you and yours, thank you."


    Man, this dude could bring the blushes out of Marie something fierce. He also had the brains to stop and think about his questions, phrasing them for easy one word answers. "Could you demonstrate for me... well, I suppose on me, your ability to manipulate a living soul? Oh, there is, that, I hadn''t even thought of it, can you manipulate a living soul?"


    "Yes." So cute when she blushed. There would be more blushing tonight if I had anything to say about it.


    I heartily agree.


    Commandmenting commencing; plan out her enblushification, and I''ll do the heavy lifting while you handle the detail work?


    As my Goddess commands, so mote it be. I swear I have no idea how nobody else noticed Kitten practically glowing with epic smug.


    Meanwhile Doc Zeccardi let out a chuckling sigh. "I''d say that was to both questions. Steven. Although I''m going to say no to your plan on being her test subject, because it''s stupid." When Doc Glass blinked at that, Doc Zeccardi said, "I don''t think you''ll be able to observe very well if the organ doing the observing is being altered." With that he turned to Marie and asked, "will it hurt?"


    "Yes."


    "Well. That''s unfortunate. Is it safe?"


    "No."


    "Even worse. I quite like life, as I said. Can you at least guarantee me that I''ll survive more or less intact?" When Doc Glass moved to speak, he held up a hand.


    Meanwhile Marie''s eyes had flickered to me. At my barest hint of a nod, she said, "Yes."


    After that we pushed a couple desks together so everybody could see, then Doc Z sat down in the middle of them tailor fashion. Just before Marie started, Isnomi clambered up onto the desk, grabbed him by the ears and turned his head so she could look him in the eyes, and started purring loud enough everybody in the room had to have heard it. Before anybody could comment, she nodded to Marie, who kinda pressed her palm into Doc Z''s chest, then, leaving her palm flat, yanked her hand back like six inches. It blew my mind just a little when I saw a kind of glowing image of his bare chest sucked out of his front, following her palm.


    "Joseph, are you okay?"


    Doc Z took an unsteady breath, then let out a wheezy chuckle. Without turning from our Menace, he said, "I''d rate it as more painful than a catheter, but less so than a shattered one. I suspect some of that is Isnomi, though."


    "Yeth. Duh."


    "Oi! Mini-bitch! Be a little polite to friends when they''re hurting."


    "Oh tay." Good fuckin'' God mini-bitch would be a handful as a tween.


    She absolutely will. I''m glad I''ll be playing the role of indulgent grandfather rather than disciplinarian father figure.


    Just let me know if she shows up with some dude in tow, and make sure she doesn''t get herself pregnant by accident or by stupid, k?


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    Of course, Tabitha Diaz. I will protect her in your absence, as best I can, at any rate.


    Pfft, We both know you''d go full Jotnar Viking on anybody who harmed a hair on her head.


    My head got real, real quiet for a second. I would. No question. But against something capable of doing her the slightest harm? I''m not certain even the depth of my wrath would matter.


    Dafuq?


    Has your wife told you your daughter''s Domain yet? Or what I''ve divined it means? Would you like to know if not?


    No, no, and yes, please, Boss.


    Isnomi Aetos, the Menace, is the Mor Primordial of Predators. Her simplest and most frequently used expression of that Domain is the manifestation of any ability or attribute of any predator that ever was or might have is, anywhere and everywhere, inclusive of nowhere and nowhen.


    I blinked. Did you just do grammar in a way that costs a whole lot extra, or do I need to meditate on that a bit?


    Suffice to say that the interactions of Metaphoric Space with a Deity capable of making Kronos, Uranus, and Gaea find other beings to complain about are complicated to say the least.


    Whoa. Wait, doesn''t that mean she could, like, do anything any human could do? Or, y''know, human adjacent? Fuck, can she do anything I can do?


    I did not expect the absolute riotous laughter that echoed through my head, soon joined by Sigyn''s. To the best of my ability to Scry, she has learned only one thing from you in that manner. I waited through another gale of laughter, because I knew he wouldn''t laugh at anything that put Menace in danger, until he forced out, foul language.


    Oh, that clever little mini-bitch.


    Indeed.


    Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    When I looked at the demonstration again, Doc Glass had Marie slowly, carefully rotating Doc Z''s stretched soul around his axis. When I looked at Menace, who had one of Doc Z''s ears in each of her hands, I wanted to smack myself, because if her gaze were any more mesmerizing both she and Doc Z would have swirly hypno-eyes.


    I spent the rest of the afternoon watching as my precocious little primordial terror used power that terrified other personifications of terror to keep her friend from hurting while he did something he thought important enough to hurt for it. If this is what being a proud Mom feels like? All those fuckin shit diapers were totally worth it.


    When they finished up for the day, after Menace gave Doc Z''s head a good glomping, the four of us gathered around Marie''s cart. Just before I left, I heard Doc Glass whisper, "you''re the strongest Soul I''ve ever known, Joe," before taking Doc Z''s face in both hands and starting the process of what looked like a thorough kissing. Good for Doc Z, having somebody who knew that kind of shit took time.


    When I stepped us back to our room, Isnomi hopped down from Marie''s cart and toddled back toward her bed, shedding clothes and yawning hugely. I looked over when I heard Saffron tittering. "She reminds me so much of you, love," she whispered.


    "No you." I smiled back at her as Marie followed Isnomi into her room gathering up shed clothing, then moving to tuck Isnomi into bed. That''s when Saffron reminded me of my earlier commandmenting, shooting me a whole step-by-step detailed plan. Mostly pictures, both because I''m a visual learner and because omg free brain porn, yes, please.


    When Marie stepped back into the bedroom, pulling the door shut behind her, she wound up with one of us dangling from each bicep. "So strong," Saffron purred.


    I pouted as I replied, "but this uniform is covering up the prettiest bits." I looked up into pinkish Marie face and said, "can we take off the parts that are covering up the pretty bits?"


    I sure as shit was glad I wasn''t wearing panties to ruin when she got just a bit redder and whispered, "yes?"


    A moment later, with her standing there completely naked, I got to watch that blush go full body like a lobster being flash cooked, only way sexier. What? It''s been days since I got my glutton on properly. "That''s better." I think a little steam might have shot out of her ears at that. They were definitely hotter than normal when Saffron and I each started playing with one a moment later.


    Suffice to say that was not the last full body blush we got out of her. Also, glutton gotten on as properly as can be done in eight straight hours of nom. Weirdest adjustment to my here and now body? Never once gotten hair in my throat. Definite upgrade on the surface, but is it weird that I kinda miss it?


    So by the time Menace wandered back into our room when false dawn colored the sky outside our window, we just all lay there in a tangled, exhausted pile. She just clambered up onto the bed, dragged the covers over all of us, and settled down to sleep more.


    Hey Boss? I think we''re gonna be a little late. Long night.


    You, young lady, will be here no later than noon. We have things to discuss.


    Ah, c''mon, Boss. I was busy displaying the depth of my appreciation for my favorite psychopomp. I tossed him Saffron''s now thoroughly executed plan. I mean, we''d executed that shit harder than I neutralized Oliver Orange. Executed it so hard no governor''s pardon would ever get it un-executed. Right about then I realized I''d also been sending the blow by blow of said execution straight to my Patron Dad God''s brain.


    Tabitha! he managed to croak out, scandalized. Please try just a little harder to keep me from forgetting that despite my paternal affection for you, we are not in fact blood relations, and plenty of Deities have done things at least as debased with their own flesh and blood. Sigyn is a jealous Goddess.


    I heard her through my connection to him, "not that jealous."


    NOT. HELPING.


    I snickered a little before putting on my best contrite voice, like the actual contrite one, not the ''I''ve been a bad girl, daddy'' one. Sorry, dad. If you really need to get back at me and having me scream for the brain bleach, you and Sigyn could just reenact that plan and you could splatter it all over my brain, point, and laugh as I clutch my head screaming.


    All will be well, daughter. Besides, there are only two of us.


    Don''t tell me you expect me to believe you actually said that with your lying whore brain mouth, Boss.


    So. Noon. No later.


    Yes Dad. Thanks. My dad best dad.


    I know.


    When we finally rousted ourselves out, we stopped by Driver''s for crepes, then left the biggest handful of coins I could scoop out as a tip when they refused to let me pay. A day''s worth of crepes in hand, we hopped over to Loki''s, handed Menace to Sigyn, at which point she announced she wanted to go see Bonnie, Liam, and the rest of her Lancaster House buddies.


    Once they left and we had the table settled, Loki opened with, "so, I know you wanted to talk about ''overconfidence'', but might I point out that you are, in fact, one of the most powerful Deities on the planet at present?"


    I sighed and nodded. "Yeah. That makes it real hard to remember sometimes that it doesn''t fucking matter that I can crack the planet in half if I can''t control myself not to. Or use that power precisely enough for laser-guided divine karma application without causing the kind of massive casualties I did at the Walls."


    Saffron interrupted me, saying, "you did not murder anyone, love."


    I smiled at her. "Yeah, I know, I get that. I do. I mean, in my head at least. Still working on my heart. Not looking forward to working on my nethers once I''ve got that guilt under control, because every time it settles down a little, my lady bits start salivating over the carnage. Which is absolutely all kinds of wrong, and I really don''t think you''re gonna argue me out of that."


    "Many of history''s greatest warriors have needed to feel a lover''s lustful touch after battles. It''s a reaffirmation of life, and likely where the tradition of carnally gratifying our Heroes after their Heroic acts comes from."


    I shook my head. "You''re not wrong, but I''m not talking about ''close brush with death, need a brush to rub some life all over me like a Freshman guy with Axe body spray''. I''m specifically talking about the gore, the death itself causing some serious crotch lubrication. Like, a desire to get my bang on right there in the pile of blood and guts and shit, with ''violent violation of various victims'' as a kind of between-bang aperitif. You can''t tell me that''s natural, or healthy." Loki and Saffron both stared at me, blinking, but Marie lay a hand on my arm and nodded. "You don''t mean you..." Her gaze shut me up before I finished that bit of stupidity. "Right there in the middle of it all?" She nodded, and I said, "okay. I dunno, maybe it''s a Psychopomp thing?"


    "Yes."


    "Whoa. Next you''re gonna tell me Maenads habitually bang the... people they... Psychopomp." I wound to a stop as she just grinned at me. "Damn. One last fuckin'' Revel, huh?"


    "No."


    I thought about it a second. "The first Revel of their afterlife? With a fucking world class Reveler? Like, literally?"


    She smiled, half fond reminisce, half pride at my open acknowledgement that Murder Mittens got Skillz. "Yes."


    I snorted. "Hey, I guess if you literally worship the D, the afterlife starting with getting your bang on with a Maenad would be pretty righteous. But... I mean... Okay, I got some seriously freaky kinks courtesy of a title I didn''t ask for, but blood wrestling in the world''s largest blood pudding isn''t justification for me to puree a few dozen thousand people, y''know?"


    "Fair."


    At that point Saffron cut in again. "You realize that is a minority opinion among Gods, love?"


    I looked at her with my best angsty tween look and said, "Okay, fine, when we correct that you''re invited to play a very unique role in the Pantyless Psychopomp Post Passing Party."


    She raised an eyebrow, "do I even want to ask what role I''d be playing?"


    I nodded, solemnly. "one few, if any, living mortals get to play at one of those parties. Party favor."


    Before Saffron could formulate a coherent reply Marie said "Yes."


    Saffron gave up, laughed, and between chuckles forced out, "oh, no! Briar patch!"


    Loki tapped his fingertips on the table. "I''m glad you''re all feeling well, but I don''t think this is a very productive line of discussion?"


    "Oh, no, it''s producing a whole lot of..." I cut myself off with a bark of laughter. "Yeah, I know. Sorry. But yeah. Do you guys mind talking through, y''know, where I ought to put the lines at the moment?"


    "We''d be glad to," Saffron said.


    "Yes."


    So we did. Time flowed as oddly as ever. A moment, a day, an hour, a lifetime. Eventually we all stepped back to our bedroom. I pulled Saffron to me, banishing inconvenient fabrics, and said, "hey Kitten, you mind blurring some entirely different lines for a while?"


    She draped her arms over my neck, murmuring, "I''d be glad to," as she pulled me in for a kiss.


    "No." We both looked up to where Marie loomed over us. The woman has some world-class looming skills. I don''t mean, ''oh, she''s seven feet tall slouching in her stockings,'' either. She''s got the kind of looming skills that hit even before you realize that she is, in fact, over seven feet tall slouching in her stockinged feet.


    As my nethers went into full on flight or fight or freeze or fuck or all at once mode, I whispered up, "we didn''t upset you with what we did last night, did we?"


    She reached out with one set of claws, drawing them across my face with just enough pressure to remind me they were, indeed, claws, without even leaving a welt. She shook her head, smiling at both of us. "No." When we''d stood there for a minute, me and I think Saffron desperately trying to keep our knees from buckling, Marie got her full loom on, and as she caught each of us around the waist with a set of claws that spanned our waists, reminded us of yesterday morning before we got out of bed with a whispered. "Anticipation."


    She then spent the rest of the night both demonstrating that those lucky dead bastards are definitely grateful to have a Maenad Escort Ride them to the Elysian Fields or Hades or wherever the Maenad decided they were gonna get off; as well as reminding us she was more than capable of dealing with us with one hand on each.


    One finger, really.

 Day Two Hundred And Eighty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, some days this whole, ''intentional systematic rational self improvement'' thing really feels like a lot of work for very little return, especially the days when the people around me seem bound and determined to ignore my progress.


    Like, I get it, I''m not doing it for them. Yeah, I do it to be a better mom and wife and paramour and daughter. I guess It''ll make me a better Priestess, since baller dudes like Doc Glass aside, Clergy seem to the the closest fuckin'' thing to mental health professionals in the here and now. Maybe even, though thinking about it with no spare brains in the conversation to check me out freaks me out a little, to be a better Goddess if I wind up with any followers other than my Kitten.


    You will.


    Good to know. Also, good to know that she''s got my back, so if I go off the reservation too far, she''ll drag me back by the short hairs if she''s gotta.


    But mostly? Though all of those folks are the reasons I tell myself? I think I need to be doing this for me, or at some point it''s gonna fail and fall apart. But that also means when people start expecting me to remain eternally the lovable idiot with a secret ''kill everything'' switch? Fuck those guys. Or, y''know, deny them fucking. That sounds way more like punishment. Seriously, what kind of neopuritan bullshit is that? Fucking as punishment. The fuck? Yeah, I get it, Kitten and I bullshit about that all the time, but legit punishment has to be something you''d otherwise avoid, y''know? With the exception of Ace folks, and while I don''t get them I totally respect their life choices, fucking seems to be a sort of universal hobby for adult homo sapiens, y''know?


    So we all woke up in our communal cuddle puddle this morning, well rested after Marie set all Happy Brain Chemical values to ''yes''. I felt like I''d hit a pretty good place both physically and psychologically, even after spending the entire night vaguely embarrassed at Mimic burying our head in the sand, leaving an ass the size of the tri-state area hanging out in the breeze, and considering herself ''hid''. With all the feline going around, my subconscious alter ego just had to be a goddamned orange tabby.


    I was the last one awake, and woke to the three of them all staring at me. Okay, with Saffron that was mostly just cute, but Marie and Menace both had that motionless about to pounce cat thing going on, until I swept my gaze over them and said, "well?"


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    Menace couldn''t keep up the stillness, toppling over sideways laughing at fuck knows what, snorting out, "Mama siwwy."


    Before I could respond Marie scooped her up while saying, "Yes."


    After that we lay there reveling in soft, warm cuddles until breakfast time rolled around. Corncakes and tortillas again today. With Marie doing actual work, I figured Saffron might know, what with her being Imperator and all. "Hey Kitten?"


    "Yes, Goof?"


    I got a sudden bizarre taste of boot leather, dirt, and toe cheese, which prompted me to rephrase my question from, ''what''s up with the limited menu?'' to, "so, everybody getting enough to eat?"


    She closed her eyes and heaved a deep sigh. "Barely. I suspect more than just the folks with extra pounds are going to lose a few. Especially the poorer folks." A lopsided grin stretched across her face. "Maybe not on that last though. Something about the folks at the bottom not only being the ones scrounging up your, ah, Jackville food, but also being the ones who are least averse to trying it."


    "Is it like this every year around here?"


    She shook her head, shrugging as she did so. "In Phileo? A bit, although the locals are more willing to eat fish in early spring than folks up north of Newark. Camden Yards hasn''t had a serious hunger problem in a long time. I''m not quite sure where they store it all, or how they keep it from going bad, but the Drivers basically drew a line in the sand a few generations back. No one goes hungry. Period. When times are good, not everyone eats there, because if you have money, they expect you to pay. But when there''s no money or food left to buy anyhow? The Drivers have everybody''s back."


    "So... what happened this... I''m an idiot."


    She smiled and threw a spoon at me. "No, you just talk before you think. More of a common problem than you''d think at an Academy, but here we are."


    "Yeah. Which hit the food supply harder, the war or the plague?"


    She waggled her hand in the air. "If New Amsterdam hadn''t been blockading us, both fleets would have been fishing or trading with southern or Mediterranean Cities. If the plague hadn''t hit, some farmers would have gotten early crops in." She shrugged. "But since someone started teaching people how to eat food they''d previously fed to the chickens and cows? I don''t think we''ll lose too many to famine this spring."


    I let out a breath I hadn''t known I was holding. "One is too many."


    She reached out, and I took her hand across the table. My Goddess, for that alone I would follow you unto death.


    Eh. Just me being too stupid to know when things are unavoidable. Too idealistic, maybe.


    And yet, you seem the first one with the power to make things different. To say, ''no, this will not stand''.


    I shot her a crooked smile. "Somebody''s gotta. You ready?" She nodded. "Menace, you going with Marie today?"


    "Yeth." At my nod, she hopped down and scampered off to Marie. The next moment Saffron and I sat in our Strategy classroom.


    Honestly? I tuned a lot of it out, kinda wondering how the fuck we were gonna pull off a military campaign when we were already starving.

 Day Two Hundred And Eighty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    On the one hand, I get that all of us Cadets and Heroes are trained to be weapons, and that''s why we get the rooms with the nice view, the power and the prestige, and all the food we can eat, but on the other hand, I''m really not sure I''m comfortable with being a weapon any more.


    Seriously. I get it, I do, Phileo needs weapons. The Alliance needs weapons. I''m the Imperator''s Attack Dog. But, y''know, even with that last one, if the Attack Dog''s been trained right you can still trust your kids around it. Weapons? Not so much.


    So yesterday I sat there listening to the class talking about how to get the Alliance Expeditionary Force to Calverton, and more importantly how to keep them supplied with safe food until the Undead were gone. I didn''t catch what prompted it, but Smith got all pissy and said, "didn''t Calverton have food stored for the winter?"


    Saffron''s cold, clear soprano cut through the resulting bickering. "I''ve spoken with the Lord Mayor. When they left, after giving every single Hero, Soldier, and refugee as much food as they could carry, they sealed the remainder in their stores."


    "So why can''t we just use that? I mean, we have to secure the stores, obviously, but that just alters our tactics when we assault the City." Smith waved her hands around. Definite Philly girl, even if she was a bitchy rich kid version.


    Saffron somehow managed to remain utterly still as she responded. She wore her uniform, but I swear to fuck I could see the rippling rainbow glimmer of Glowing Midnight flickering across it. "As we discussed before you transferred into the class, when large masses of Undead gather, forces of Decay are amplified. Now, the Lord Mayor informs me that the stores were, indeed, magically protected against Decay, but if the Undead have breached the stores, that food is already gone. Even if they have not, the moment we open the stores, Decay will begin destroying them."


    Karen threw her hands up in the air again. "So any food we bring in will wind up rotting?"


    Saffron nodded. "As food does. We can mitigate the problem somewhat. The food will rot far more rapidly than normal, but excepting proximity to certain specific Undead, not instantly. Fresh fruits and vegetables will last minutes. Meat may last hours. Grain? Likely a day or two."


    "So you''re saying we need to resupply every day?"


    Saffron shrugged. "Were this a Phileo City expedition? Very likely."


    Saffron got all the fuckin'' side eye in the world at that. Before Cadet Smith could respond, duBois asked, "what do you mean by that? Imperator?"


    I dunno if everybody quite noticed his hesitation before her title, but I sure as shit did, and if I did, you had to be a special kind of oblivious to miss it. Saffron reminded me of her first conversation with Lord Lancaster when she rolled her eyes, looked at her fingernails, breathed on them, then buffed them against her jacket. "Other than the obvious fact that it is, indeed, an Alliance force, and therefore it answers to me? The Alliance also has the support of Camden Yards. Newark as well, I suppose."


    I got it before anybody else, and at the same time realized why none of them got it. She and I were the newest Cadets in the room. The first class who recruited from Camden Yards. Yeah, I''m from Camden, but if Camden Yards had one thing in common with Camden? It had that same thing in common with Newark in the here and now. "Good point, Kitten."


    Everybody turned to look at me, and Marshall duBois said, "care to explain it to the rest of the class?"


    I rubbed one hand along the back of my head, shrugged, and said, "Camden Yards and Newark. Y''know, the towns where Phileo City and New Amsterdam shuffled all their poor people to keep them out of sight? Probably sold them all the nearly expired food, from the not quite rotten meat to the almost past the sell by dates?"


    Most of them looked confused instead of vaguely offended now, with a side order of embarrassment from some of them. I didn''t really want to admit it, but Cadet ''my name is literally'' Karen Smith got the first glimmer of understanding. When she saw that, Saffron nodded and relented. "Enhancement of flavor aside, spices not only hide the flavor of mild spoilage, they in fact prevent spoilage, even stopping ongoing spoilage in its tracks for a time."


    I laughed at the looks on their faces. "That''s right, boys and girls. Time to learn to yearn for the burn. Or, y''know, starve. But if you starve to death because you''re too stupid or proud to eat spicy poor people food and you stand back up as Undead, I''m not Reviving your useless asses."


    As you command, I shall enforce your will, my Goddess.


    Y''know, I was mostly fucking with them to make a point, but if somebody''s that mouth breather dumb, or worse that bigoted, that they''d rather die than eat Bag food? They can stay dead.


    Karen opened her mouth to say something, but duBois cut her off with a laugh. "I hope you''ll at least make sure they didn''t just run out before you scatter their ashes."


    "Hey, I''m cool with due diligence and shit."


    Karen visibly took herself in hand to move past the issue. Really did not looking forward to any serious conflict with the woman. Then again, she''s on our side, so her being smart enough to at least make Saffron try a bit was a good thing, right? "So, since you''re our expert in these matters, how long will spiced foods last?"


    "Not just spiced, and Cadet Bill Driver could probably tell you better than I." Saffron paused, looked thoughtful, then said, "thank you, Cadet Smith. I''ve just realized, the perfect person to give ultimate authority for our supplies, especially given how much of them needs must be food, is Grand Councilwoman Driver." She nodded. "That said? I wouldn''t assume more than a week, although depending on the food and the density of miasma, foodstuffs might last as much as a month once on site."


    "That still means we''ll need to have two caravans large enough to feed the entire Expeditionary force in near constant motion between Lancaster House and Calverton City."


    DuBois nodded. "That seems to be about the size of it, Smith."


    I shook my head. "Sorry, I think I missed something. Didn''t we have a plan to move shit via ship? Wouldn''t that be faster?"


    Karen rolled her eyes, but before she could make some no doubt pithy comment about my attention span, Saffron said, "The King of Norfolk has denied us passage. Not directly, mind you, as I don''t think they''re quite ready for their next war of aggression. But his missive made it clear that Norfolk will consider Alliance vessels damaging nobility-owned Norfolk ships Acts of War." When I shook my head to express my continued lack of getting it, she smiled and said, "all of their warships, which are remarkably well suited to intercepting cargo vessels, are owned by nobles."


    "Oh, shit, so they do pirate shit on us and we''re the bad guys?" I shook my head, an unintended growl vibrating my desk. "Makes me want to pay a visit and show them what a real Bad Guy looks like."


    I didn''t want to order you to do what you did at the Walls, love. Out loud, she simply said, "barring something like a formal, crown-sanctioned duel, that most certainly would be an act of war, love."


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    "Wait, they have sanctioned duels?"


    She shrugged. "Of course. Their nobility being substantially less concentrated and civilized than New Amsterdam or Calverton, they even use them quite often to clarify disagreements over inheritance or succession."


    I snorted. "Okay, so why don''t we send, I dunno, somebody like Potami down and claim that their biggest baddest warship belongs to her? Then have it run interference or some shit. Or, y''know, just let it be known that she''s got some kind of navel fetish and will target whoever decides to bother Pesce and his boys."


    You realize the word is in fact Naval?


    I know what I said.


    Saffron sighed, and I felt some kinda way when Karen did the same thing, at the same time, in the same way. When the two of them heard each other and jerked like they''d been mutually bit in the ass by something, they shot each other startled looks. After a moment, Saffron graciously gave Smith the floor with a nod and waved hand. Without even looking at me, just kinda frowning at nobody in particular, she said, "as ironic as I now know this sounds, we cannot, because of Norfolk''s ingrained bigotry. I doubt any of our purely Human Heroes can best one of their Jotnar champions, and Dan and Bag alike are denied permanent residence in Norfolk lands."


    I got a really shitty feeling in my gut, but asked, "what about, like, a half-Bag, half Aesir, or some shit like that?"


    Karen thought about it for a second, then snorted. "they would be allowed to move to the City, but probably be prejudiced against. To the point where they would likely be forced to constantly defend their right to be there. In duels. Which, if we had someone like that who could defeat a Jotnar Hero in single combat? Might work I suppose?"


    She looked to duBois for confirmation. He shrugged and said, "I''d have to check with Doctor DeLeon, or maybe Sister Cheryl, but it sounds like it might be worth a try. I pity whatever poor bastard we wound up sending, though. I sure as hell wouldn''t want to face a Jotnar in single combat, let alone a Hero, either one who managed to get into the nobility or one who works as a professional duelist."


    I closed my eyes, drew a deep breath. Order me.


    Pardon, love?


    Woof. Woof, bark, woof. Bark bark, woof woof. Timmy''s trapped in the well. I show up as part Vanir. Order. Me.


    I won''t force you, love.


    I sighed, then looked up at her. Yeah. You will. Because the alternative is all those kids we bathed wondering why their mommies and daddies wound up starving to death in Calverton. Order. Me.


    Is that what my Goddess wishes me to do?


    Fuck. Not fair. I sure as fuck don''t want to do this. I don''t want to be a weapon. I sure as shit don''t want to be the kind of weapon that starts going off on anything that looks inconvenient. I stared deep into her eyes. But an attack dog? I could live with that.


    She blinked once, slow as fuck, the kind of thing cats do to show they trust you. If you can force yourself to do what you''d rather not, but needs to be done, then so can I, love.


    "Cadet Diaz?"


    "Whatcha need, Imperator Kitten Sexypaws?"


    You just had to say that, didn''t you? "Upon our intelligence operatives determining which Norfolk warship is most suited to our needs, you are hereby requested and required to challenge its owner to duel for their titles, lands, and most of all their ships."


    Coping mechanism. Actually sorry, but I don''t think I could help it any more than I could stop from jerking my hand away from a hot stove. Hell, I could probably do that easier by this point.


    DuBois barked out, "the hell she will! In case I wasn''t clear, I''m the fucking Marshall of Phileo, and I''m pretty sure one of their Heroic Duelist Jotnar could paste me without trying hard!"


    I swiveled my gaze to glare at him until he stopped looking at Saffron and turned to face me, looking more than a little startled that I''d gotten him to do it without saying anything. "That''s not your decision to make, Marshall. But if I''m a bitch, I''m not an unreasonable bitch. We can... discuss it... on Thursday. You convince me not to go, I won''t go."


    At that point Saffron said, "so you are basing your decision on the outcome of your ''discussion'' with Marshall duBois?"


    I grinned stupid big and, because I am not only a bitch, but Absolutely That Bitch, said, "bark! Bark bark, woof woof! Imperator say, ''kill that big Norfolk bastard'', I kill him. Kill him real good. Maybe piss on him when I''m done for good measure." I looked up at the ceiling. "I wonder if I could figure out how to carry his flensed femur back here in my mouth?" I let that hang there until duBois took a breath, then said, "I like the old man enough that I don''t want him to feel like I didn''t take his opinion into consideration. Not so much that I won''t kick the living shit out of him on Thursday, but enough that I won''t disrespect him by making him feel ignored and shit." Before he could reply, another thought hit me, I turned to Saffron and said, "ooh! Ooh! Instead of killing the Jotnar to death?"


    She sighed, eyes slipping closed. "Yes, Tabitha?"


    "Can I Neutralize him to death?"


    Her palm unerringly sought her face. "Yes, Tabitha."


    "Yay!"


    DuBois growled out, "we''re not done discussing this."


    I turned back to him, still in full on ''I get to Neutralize a Jotnar Hero and drag his femur back home as a chew toy, SQUEE!'' mode. "I know. I said that. It''s not Thursday yet. Wait, did you forget that it''s not Thursday today? Do we need to assign a Cadet to make sure you have your underwear on straight and you''re wearing pants and you''re taking your meds and shit?" I turned to Saffron and stage whispered, "make sure we get him a real hottie who is absolutely down to making sure he spends as little time as possible with pants and underwear on!"


    He growled out, "you are coming perilously close to making me forget about not reminding people I''m on the Council."


    I smiled real big and said, "you too? But before we decide to see who can generate a larger volume of piss, remember, I know the Imperator, and I have it on good authority that she can be bribed with unspeakable carnal delights. Although, wait, Ophelia''s kind of a bitch and would vote against me, and George is nice but I am really kind of being disrespectful, so he''d probably vote your way. But Momma Driver likes me. So, I suppose all you gotta do to get me to stop trolling you like this when you desperately deserve it?" I batted my eyes at him. "Just agree with Lord Lenny Lancaster that he''s absolutely right about the diameter, length, and tensile strength of the rod a Councilperson''s supposed to have up their ass."


    He froze. Closed his eyes. Took a deep breath and let it out. "I''m not gonna take it easy on you Thorsday."


    In my friendliest, ''play your cards right and there will be revels that will make Big D envious about not being invited'' voice, I said, "aw, c''mon, Marshall." When he turned to look at me, the slightest bit of curiosity peeking through his frustrated concern for me, I modulated my tone down to jokingly serious and said, "if you have to take it easy on me for me to get past you? I really shouldn''t be going."


    Luckily lunch showed up right around then. After lunch the planning session broke out into a couple groups, one trying to refine the ''Lancaster to Calverton'' caravan plan, the other working on plan ''sail past Norfolk guarded by their own ships, giving them the one finger salute with both hands as we did''. I liked that one for obvious reasons that actually had nothing to do with me neutralizing the fucking shit out of the biggest asshole in Norfolk. Seriously, I was trying to be an adult and realized that while some part of me really looked forward to killing somebody? I wouldn''t be doing it if Saffron didn''t agree that it was completely justified. But the reason I liked that plan wasn''t ''ooh, I get to kill somebody''. It was that my man Pesce and his boys and boats would be able to deliver food via the Chesapeake in relative safety, instead of some twice as many caravans walking into ever more miasma''d Undead land.


    The flipping off bigoted fash was a huge side benefit, too.


    The four of us decided to do a loose snuggle pile on Marie''s floor bed for the night, mostly because Saffron was barely awake enough to undress herself.


    Not even gonna talk about my orange tabby alter ego.


    All day today, I got to play ''research resource'' for Cadet ''up my ass in an unpleasant way'' Smith. By the time lunch arrived, I''d gotten more than a little tired of extruding and retracting a Mana Blade every minute or so. I mean, not actually fatigued, just bored as fuck. "Hey Karen? I guess it''s flattering as shit that you think my Spell''s the best one to improve, but you''re acting like you need to get the whole project done today. Chill, Summer isn''t for two more months, you''ve got time."


    "I''m well aware. However, if I''m right you won''t be in any condition to demonstrate next week. If I''m not right, within a few weeks you''ll be heading down to Norfolk, and then I''ll have to finish my project with no further research at all."


    "Such sublime confidence in my shit wrecking abilities. I''m touched."


    She smiled at me. "You made it painfully obvious how touched you are during our last Combat Training. Still, I''m not ungrateful. I convinced Doctor Roberts that should I complete my project, it will only be with your assistance and guidance, which means that no matter your attendance or performance regarding the academic side of the course, you should still receive full marks for both."


    I blinked. "Wait, are you telling me you convinced Doc to do an Academic Dishonesty to bribe me to stop complaining about you monopolizing my time and boring me half to death?"


    She shrugged. "It seemed the most effective thing to do."


    I threw my hands up in the air. "Well. Fuck. Now I''ve got to help you, don''t I?"


    Shit. Knowing me well enough to manipulate me, and having no compunction about doing so?


    Definitely Saffron''s nemesis.

 Day Two Hundred And Eighty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    This is right about where you''d expect me to say something about my mouth writing checks my ass can''t cash, but really I''m feeling pretty good about shit for once.


    No, really, Saffron agreed to plan ''No U Norfolk'' with me being the ultimate Uno Reverse Card, and if everybody else was kinda floored by the idea that I looked forward to something the Marshall was manly enough to be openly afraid of? I''d managed to piss the man himself off enough that I was pretty sure he''d do his dead level best to put me in the Infirmary for long enough for me to forget about the plan. Or, really, long enough for Saffron to forget about it, because let''s face it, long enough for me to forget about shit could be six seconds sitting on Saffron.


    Simple woman, easily distracted, thy name is Tabitha.


    Last night at dinner we had some fun playing ''toss food at Isnomi'', since that gave us the best possible excuse for giving extra food to the kid going through a growth spurt. By the time we finished, she looked just a little bit knackered, so Saffron scooped her up, snuggled her, and before she took more than two steps toward the door I stepped behind her and scooped her into a princess carry. "I heard you like carry, so I put a carry on your carry!"


    I nuzzled her neck as she giggled, listening to Isnomi mutter, "Mama siwwy."


    Then Saffron, mid giggle, said, "absolutely. Now please."


    Before I could figure out what my adorable little Kitten was on about, strong arms swept me off my feet, pulling me against Marie''s purring chest. I''d vaguely intended to step us all up to our rooms, but as I kinda melted into Marie''s arms forming Ultimate Triple Princess Melt, I realized that the best part of being carried was, y''know, being carried. Saffron leaned against my chest as I leaned against Marie''s, murmuring, "so, is this too much carry? Have Marie and I put a hat on a hat?"


    "If it is then hat me up, because this is awesome. Love you, Marie."


    Marie just purred harder as she strode down the hall, and from above me I caught the rumble of Menace doing the same as she snickered and said, "Ma siwwy. Mama siwwy. Mawa siwwy. Aww siwwy."


    I snickered right back, although honestly I couldn''t get the right amount of snicker on with all the warm fuzzy. "You love it, Menace."


    She just snuggled into her mom''s arms and mumurred, "Menath siwwy."


    By the time we got up to the bedroom, she was snoring, and Saffron and I weren''t far from it. Marie set me gently on my feet in Isnomi''s room; I did the same with Saffron, keeping a steadying hand on her back just like Marie did for me. Isnomi snuggled up Mister Kraken, Saffron tucked her in, and we each leaned over to give her a gentle forehead kiss good night.


    When we got back to the bedroom, I flopped over, banishing my uniform to the laundry pile as I did. "Do you two mind, y''know, snuggling like that until morning tonight?"


    Saffron let Marie undress her, our Maenad''s motions far less brisk and efficient than normal, but giving me full on warm fuzzies as she slowly, carefully, one bit at a time, slipped Saffron out of the husk of her clothing. "After."


    When I just raised an eyebrow, Marie repeated, "After."


    I must have looked a little pouty, because while Saffron gently tugged me up to where we''d normally sleep, and Marie undressed with the same languid, gentle care she''d shown Saffron, my Kitten explained, "for all the confidence I have in you tomorrow? I''d rather we show you our undying support tonight than be wrong and wind up having to wait a week and a half for you to convalesce."


    "Either of you gonna be mad if one of us falls asleep?"


    "No."


    Saffron just smiled. "Sometimes things aren''t about athletics, Goof. Marie? The lights and blankets, if you would?"


    I don''t really remember much specifically after that. Just general impressions. Soft. Warm. Fuzzy. Comfortable, in the purest sense of the word I can think of. I might have been half asleep through most of it, and I''m pretty sure the other two were as well. But not in any kind of bored way, or even a tired one, really. Just three people utterly at peace with each other and the tiny little slice of the world we''d claimed as our own.


    Hell, not even the World''s Largest Orange Tabby could screw that up.


    Woke up absolutely centered and ready to do what I did best.


    Fuck. Shit. Up.


    Went down to breakfast, fed most of my corncake and tortilla to Menace. Okay, like two thirds of my tortilla and half of my corncake, because I wanted a little bit of a protein base, and I couldn''t let corncakes go by without using the last quarter or so of mine as a syrup delivery vehicle to a certain adorably sweet addicted Kitten. When we''d all finished eating, I called Marie over, then set Menace on her butt on the edge of the table in front of me.


    "Okay, Isnomi. I''ve got something to tell you, and you''re not going to like it. I won''t say I don''t give a shit that you don''t like it, but absolutely nothing you can say or do will change my mind, and I''ll be counting on Marie to keep you from breaking the rules on this. Ready to listen?"


    She looked a little mulish, but not totally unwilling to listen. She nodded her head, her gaze locked on mine, and said, "oh tay?"


    "Good. I''m going to be doing some very intense Combat Training with the Marshall today. I''m telling you this rather than hiding it from you because I do not, under any circumstances, want you watching." I paused, glanced at Marie to make sure she''d heard me, then looked back to Isnomi and said, "understood, Menace?"


    She frowned, but didn''t make any pre-bitch-fit moves. Instead she came back with what I guessed she figured was the Ultimate Trump Question. "Why?"


    I nodded. "Since this isn''t an emergency, and it''s not something that''ll hurt you to know, I''m fine with telling you why, so long as you understand this isn''t a negotiation." I paused, she nodded. "The Marshall won''t be holding back today. He''s legit trying to stop me from doing something, and he''ll hurt me if he has to do that to stop me." Her lips drew down, and her chest rumbled with a growl. "That right there? Is the first part of why I don''t want you there. The Marshall isn''t a bad man, and he''s willing to hurt me here, where Mom is ready to fix me, than to let me go do something he thinks will wind up with me getting hurt even worse, in a place where Mom might not be there to help me. So even if you hear something where you''d normally come running to help? Don''t. If you feel like you just can''t stay away? Be the Best Biggest Girl you can and tell Marie, and she will take you to visit your brother." I looked up to Marie, who nodded.


    "Because the next part of why I don''t want you there, even close enough to see? Is that I really think what I''m planning to do is something that needs to be done, and I''m the only one who can do it. So I''m not going to be holding back much either. If I knew you were there? I might hold back. If you jumped in, no matter how well intentioned? The Marshall or I might not see you, and one of us might hurt you before we realize." Her mulish look turned dark, reminding me of what I expected I''d look like in the mirror when somebody tried to tell me I wasn''t good enough do something. "No, Menace. You are a very precocious girl, my precious Menace, and you scare the piss out of everyone who knows just how much of a Menace you actually are, but right now? You''re still young. You''re still growing. You''re not what you will be someday, and if you get hurt now, you might never get to be as big and bad a Menace as I know you can be." I took a deep breath, closing my eyes, then leaned in like I was telling her a secret. "I got hurt more than once when I was your age. Well, older even. But I''m pretty sure that I''m not the best me I can be because of all that. I don''t want that bad part for you. I want you to be that best you as soon as you can be."


    I stared at her patiently until the mulish faded, replaced by flickers of concern. "The last reason is harder to explain. I''ll try, but it might not make sense to you yet. I barely understand it myself, and I''ve been trying to. You know your Mama is really good at," I bit my tongue to stop a few choice words, because I was trying to model how to be mature for my daughter and shit. "Really good at breaking things and hurting people. That''s a side of me that I don''t want you to see if you don''t have to. Not yet. If someone tries to hurt you, or your mom, or Marie, or somebody else we care about? I will absolutely go ham on them even if you are watching. But for now? Today, when Marie can take you carting, or to annoy your brother, or any of that other fun stuff? I''d rather you didn''t see me doing all that." I put a hand on her shoulder and looked deep in her eyes. "Someday? When you''re bigger? There is no one I would love having my back more than my Menace. But that''s for later. When you''ve outgrown being a Big Girl, and you''ve grown into being a Young Woman. But... Do you know what I''m talking about, what I don''t really want you seeing me do unless there''s no other choice?"


    The mulish and the fear had gone, and she nodded solemnly. Then she reached over and picked up her little spoon, holding the very end of the handle in her left hand, using her other hand to wrap my left hand around hers. Then she reached up, pulling her tiara off as it clicked its way into its helmet form. Her hand moving so fast I could barely track it, she slammed her helmet face first down onto the upthrust business end of the spoon. Once, twice, three times, then she leaned forward and breathed a single word, so low I could barely hear it, into my ear. "Wewiwe."


    I pushed her back, stunned by what she''d just done. "You can''t remember that." She just shrugged, and after a moment teetering between panic and pride, I snuggled her to me. "That''s my fuckin'' Menace." Yeah, fuck off, I''m only human. "So, do you promise to stay away today?'' She nodded solemnly as I put her little helmet back on her head, the completely undamaged thing sliding back to being a tiara as it did. Shame about the spoon, but I figure if the worst thing she did today was fuck up some cutlery, we were in good shape. Then she looked up at me, frustration clear on her face. "You don''t have to say anything, Isnomi."


    "Wanna."


    "Don''t have the words?"


    She shook her head, impish grin on her face. "Don'' wanna ged gwownded."


    I scooped her up, laughing. "You scamp." I took a deep breath, considering, then said, "This one time, one word."


    She tilted her head, sniffed the air with her tongue sticking out in the cutest little mlem, then said, "thententh."


    "One short sentence."


    She looked up at me, over at Saffron, and at Marie. When all three of us nodded, she turned back to me, put her hands on my ears, pulled our foreheads together, and growled, "Fuk hith thit up, Mama."


    What else could I say? "You got it, Menace." Then I handed her over to Marie, who carted her off for the day. When I turned to look at Saffron, I barely caught her as she cannoned into me, legs going around my waist and mouth seeking mine like a guided missile. When she finally pulled away, I said, "what was that for? So, y''know, I can do it more, whatever it was."


    A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    She snickered at me as I walked toward the doors of the Dining Hall. "Let''s just say ''momming above and beyond the call of duty''. I''m so proud of you, love."


    "Aw. Just, y''know, trying my best. Glad I did it right. So, I''ve got my marching orders from the highest authority, but did you have anything to add?"


    A moment later, as I stepped through the doors and into the Practice Yard through the doors my Kitten had fucking dared reality to deny her, Glowing Midnight flowed around my waist, and she pulled back away just far enough to get her haughty on and said, "Your Imperator commands you to, as our daughter has declared, fuck his shit up." Somehow she didn''t even spoil it when she booped our noses together and added, "Momma."


    "Bark bark. Woof woof." I planted a quick kiss on her lips, then set her down with a final, "Bark bark, woof."


    Right about then a chorus of chuckles showed me that our class had already all arrived, and the Marshall stood right in the middle of the courtyard. A quick glance around showed a lot more guards in the towers than normal. Not to mention quite a few Cadets on the roof. DuBois barked out, "Diaz. Thought you might have come to your senses."


    I wriggled a pinky in my ear. "Did I just hear you imply that I ran out of stupid?"


    He frowned. "You sure about this, Diaz?"


    I shrugged. "Like I said, if I can''t beat you when you''re going all out, all I''ll do down in Norfolk is embarrass Phileo and the Yards. The whole Alliance, I guess. So yeah. Also, y''know, if I go down there and get my ass waxed in an un-un-waxable fashion, you can definitely say you did your due diligence and dead level best to stop me."


    "And if you wind up in the Infirmary for the foreseeable?"


    I laughed. "Oh, no, not alone time with Sister Siobhan. Whatever will I do?"


    He snorted. "Speaking of, should we send for her?"


    Fuzzy darkness writhed through the Practice Yard, chasing Saffron''s voice that killed all other sounds when she said, "no need, Marshall. Both of you will live through the day, no matter how enthusiastically you attempt to end one another. My Goddess Mimic, Mistress of Tentacles, guarantees it."


    I couldn''t help it, my giggle echoed a little in the sudden puckered asshole silence that followed her words. Finally the Marshall cleared his throat and asked, "so, how do you wanna do this?"


    I nodded. "Well, this is all about a formal sanctioned duel, so what rules do those normally follow?"


    He lifted one shoulder and dropped it. "Lots of different ones, but there are a few common bits. Some kind of start timer, usually by a third party. Agreed upon arena limits; that''s a common way a Jotnar will end a fight if they''re being nice; just pick their opponent up and toss them out of the ring."


    "Wouldn''t the ring be pretty big if a Jotnar fits in it?"


    "Yeah, usually, although sometimes one duelist or the other will push for a smaller one because they think it gives them an edge. Other than that? Two professionals will usually agree on some kind of limit like first blood. Better embarrassed and losing a paycheck against a better pro than, y''know, give up all future paychecks forever."


    "Yeah, well. I don''t think they''re gonna be giving me that particular professional courtesy. So, you wanna stretch first or something?"


    He sucked at his teeth, his hands still folded behind him. "Really, Diaz?"


    "I mean, you''re old and all. Don''t want to break a hip. By accident because you moved wrong. I mean, I''m not gonna aim for your hips. Hips are big beefy bones, almost as hard to break as femurs. Way too much work. And you''re old and all, so that''d be mean."


    He raised one eyebrow. "Are you trying to piss me off, Diaz?"


    I smiled back at him, "is it working?"


    He sucked at his teeth. "Gettin'' closer to finding out."


    I smirked. "Cool. How about for the arena... Can we get the bystanders out of the way?"


    He nodded. "Cadets! If your name isn''t Tabitha Diaz or Saffron Aetos, clear the Yard!"


    The rest of the class barely paused, charging for the doors. Before the last of them cleared the door, the first showed up on the roof. "Okay. If one of us isn''t in the Practice Yard, we lose?"


    "That sounds fair. How do you want to start this?"


    I nodded to my Kitten. "Imperator? If you would?"


    She nodded, regally, stepped back in front of her fuck you to reality doors, which put her more or less along the line between the Marshall and I, and said, "you may begin when it hits the pavers." She opened her hand, and a tiny triangle of black silk fluttered downward. Before her hand finished opening, one of me stood beside her, then Co-Located the two of us to Loki''s cave. "Boss, you''re gonna wanna watch this."


    The two of me still in the yard split to four, one coming at the Marshall from each cardinal direction, Mana Blades extending as I did. He crouched, and one of me tripped over the Mana Ward covering him. The one opposite that hit the ground in something between a baseball slide and a leg sweep, bouncing upright when my foot hit the edge of the Ward, pushing myself into the air. I sprouted Mana Blades fuckin'' everywhere, landing with a thicket of them holding me up, my own weight ready to drive them down into him if he dropped the Ward.


    Meanwhile the other two of me each jerked to a stop as somebody grabbed me by my ankles and flung me around, slamming that pair of me together hard enough that I felt ribs crack. Right about then the one of me that tripped over the Mana Ward finally landed from where I''d Translocated into the sky above and behind one of the other pair. The other one of him saw me soon enough that he tried to jerk away, but I managed to hook a knee around his neck. Maybe I couldn''t quite pull off a leather catsuit like Scarlett Johansen, but I sure as shit could choke a bitch out with my thighs. He leapt into the air, not even trying to dislodge me further than to get a solid grip on my legs, then brought his weight down on me, hammering me into the ground. "Shit, Willy, Marie hits harder than that when we''re gettin'' it on. That the best you got?"


    At the same time, One of the two of me lying in a tangle Co-Located to an equipment shed while the duBois neither hiding in a Mana Ward or trying to dislodge my Onotopp choke-out straight up started stomping on the pair of me still on the ground. Gotta be honest, he''d knocked what little sense I normally had out of that pair of me, and since I didn''t want to go full on ragebeast and make a bunch of impromptu jigsaw puzzles for Saffron out of the Cadets on the roof, I just lay there and took it. Okay, one of me did my best to crouch protectively over the other. Not that either one was really all that badly injured, but I figured giving duBois an Obvious Target couldn''t hurt.


    The one of me atop the Mana Ward crossed my legs and spun in place, rearranging the Blades to keep some pinning him from the sides, but with enough pointing downward that he''d wind up coleslaw if his Ward went down. I might have been cackling as much as Doc Zeccardi or the Menace on one of her Air Shield fun rides. Just a little bit. I wasn''t really watching, so the first hint I got that he''d armed himself was when he rammed a blade of some kind straight up my damn ass. "BITCH! Fuckwhore shitbag that hurts you cuntfaced dick!"


    "Aw. I''m crying big tears." He pulled the fucking thing back out, twisting as he did, and clenching did nothing. Fuckin'' blade was sharp. Didn''t slow down coming out, didn''t slow down going back into my left ass cheek. Right about then I extruded a Mana Blade straight out of the hole he''d just punched in me. "FUCK! Ow! Shit!"


    "Poor old man. If you can''t take the heat, stay out of my ass."


    Loki almost choked on his popcorn at that. I waved my hand at him, and he handed the bag over. I handed it to the me shitting molten metal on Mana Ward duBois'' face and cackling, because that particular crazy bitch needed to chill and have some popcorn. Then I Translocated over to the equipment shed again.


    The outer of the pair of me getting stomped on wasn''t a complete loss yet, but only because he''d been focusing on my torso. The man could stomp like a goddamned elephant, though; the one time I managed to evade his incoming size fuck me boots, the goddamned pavers cracked. I stepped out of the equipment shed and, staying as low as I could, ran over to the duBois shaped asshole who kept ramming me into the ground, trying to get me to let go of his neck. Guess it says something about how strong the bastard was that the best I could do with my thighs was hang on. The next time he hammered me down, I managed to get one of the shittiest of our practice swords under me, ramming the point through my thigh and into his shoulder.


    "FUCK! Crazy bitch!" He tried getting his hand on the hilt of the sword pinning us together, but I Mana Bladed a few of his fingers off, so he clenched his fist and punched me in the thigh. A whole fuckin'' lot, over and over, just out of reach of my hands, never letting go of his grip on my calf. Every time I tried to push the me on the floor next to him to my feet, he kicked me in the arm. Okay, he tried to, because after his first stomp simultaneously crushed and flash-charred most of my fingers on my left hand, my priority went from ''get up'' to ''avoid duBois blasting my fingers''. Fucker somehow managed to time releasing a Fire Bolt from his heel as he stomped me.


    The me on his back leaned in, just out of reach of his fist...


    Okay, after I recovered from the crafty old Yoga addicted bastard hitting me in the face with a solid punch directly behind his head and about twelve inches up, I gave up on the whole, ''stick my tongue in his ear'' plan and croaked out, "this all you got, old man?"


    That''s when the him that had been curb stomping one of the pair he''d initially smashed against each other brought his heel down right on my skull. Weird thing? That didn''t specifically hurt my other heads. I mean, I screamed out an absolute chorus of random incoherent proto-profanity, but the me under the dead me said, "that it?"


    So he did the same to the me under the one of him I had in the Onotopp hold. Only this time with a Fire Bolt coming out of his heel as well. After another round of screaming my fuckin'' lungs out, I panted out, "is that all you got?"


    The one of him now standing more or less unopposed over one dead me and another me crouched under her bellowed out, "how many of you do I have to kill before you know you''ve lost, Diaz?"


    At which point I smiled up at him and quoted my first ever strategic inspiration. "I love it when a plan comes together." As he tensed, I said, "No, you." As his foot came barreling down at my face, I flung my dead body along the pavers toward his Mana Ward. The thicket of Mana Blades surrounding it sliced it into big meaty chunks, which caught him in the ankles, toppling him into the side of his own Ward. His foot came down, crunching my ribcage and punching a burned hole through my torso.


    Before I finished screaming, my most recent shed visitor slid myself through the thicket of Mana Blades. As I expected, that shit burned like fuck and tore the crap out of my uniform, but I held it together just long enough to slide one of those shitty Cold Iron shortswords into his Mana Ward. It collapsed, and a moment later all of me croaked out, "ow." as my violated posterior landed on the pavers, only barely cushioned by duBois chunks and my own face.


    Both remaining duBois screamed, one of him going ham and managing to take the one of me under him straight from ''dying'' to ''paste'' in record time before stumbling to one knee. The other one jumped into the air, coming down on me in complete defiance of the sword still pinning us together. The crosspiece wound up tearing a hole in me, but by that point my inner Fuck You had hit the required level for me to whisper to him, "yeah, bored now. Fight''s over in three, two..." Reality wrenched around us as a Mana Shape intended to Translocate or Co-Locate or pull some other unlikely shenanigans met Cold Iron jammed all the way through his shoulder. "So sorry, please try your Shape again never."


    Then I extruded a big flat triangular Mana Blade into the area described by my ankle, my knee, and my ass cheek. Otherwise known as ''duBois'' neck region''. I wound up kinda stuck, pinned between his corpse and the pavers, but fuck it, worth.


    I stepped a fresh me from Loki''s cave to loom over duBois and say, "had enough, you stubborn old bastard?"


    I didn''t even see his arm move. One second, I was standing, the next my face met the pavers and he had me in some kind of completely unnecessary leg hold. So I Co-Located in another eight of me and brought big old guillotine Mana Blades down on his wrists, ankles, knees, and elbows. Only hit three of eight, but a quick Translocate of all nine of me to do another drop bear impression got another three, at which point he didn''t so much have limbs as stumps. Stumps which eight of me grabbed, two on each, barely managing to hold the fucker down as the remaining one of me looked down on his face from above and said, "y''know, I was just gonna kick you in the head a little, maybe give you a fancy ''Tabitha r0xx0rz b0xx0rz'' in bubble letters as a tramp stamp, but no, you hadda keep up your bullshit." I hammered a Cold Iron butt plug through his shoulder, then stepped down between his legs. "You know I''m too fuckin'' juvenile to resist making Saffron heal this particular shit." Then I elbow dropped his crotch, Mana Blade first.


    Twice.


    Then, that one of me just kinda leaning there letting the paver under his ass go molten, I Co-Located to kneel beside his head. I brushed his sweat soaked hair away from his face and said, "so, you gonna stop arguing about me going to Norfolk?"


    He turned his head, spat out some blood and snot and, I think, part of a tooth and one of my fingers he''d bitten off at some point without me noticing, and muttered, "that fucking Jotnar asshole is gonna kill you."


    I patted his cheek and quietly said, "yeah. Probably. In job lots. But as I think I''ve made clear?" I grabbed him by the ears, looked deep into his eyes, and deliberately auto-triggered my Pavlov. "That doesn''t fucking matter."


    I don''t know exactly what hurt worst; de-Co-Locating into one of me as I did that or him laughing so hard he pissed himself with what remained of his savaged crotch, alternating screams of pain and laughter at me rolling around in pain my own damn self.


    Okay, what hurt most was Saffron being the one to actually end the fight when she stepped over, knelt next to the Marshall, and darkness chasing her words around the courtyard as her voice killed all sound said, "I think Cadet Diaz has made it painfully clear that whether you object or not, you lack the ability to stop her."


    That''s a lie. It had nothing to do with her stopping the fight and declaring me winner, and everything to do with every part of me that would normally sit up and pay attention with a pantiless Saffron kneeling nearby entering Ultimate Boss Bitch mode? Was currently flashing, ''Fuck off you crazy bitch, we quit'' signals in a rainbow of colors.

 Day Two Hundred And Eighty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    Note to self: schedule a spa day for the day after I kill the fuck out of the fucker down in Norfolk.


    Seriously. Adrenaline, it''s a hell of a drug. I''ve developed my pain tolerance to the point where literal death is inconvenient, but the kind of things you do to put someone down in a fight, especially the deliberately painful ones? They''re sorta designed to break through that. But once the ''fuck you all'' meter is full, the adrenaline hits, and then it''s full on old school green hulk mode. The more you hurt me, the less I feel it. Makes me wonder if somehow that threshold somehow taps me into Mimic''s adrenaline, kind of like me going all non-Blendy in M-Space taps me into her Mana.


    Before anybody makes any stupid comments, and yes I know that''s mostly likely to be me, the shit you do in a fight to take someone out of it is just not My Kind of Pain. Wrong flavor. Does not fit my face. That''s only really important the day after, though, because aches? Yeah, they''re just pain jerky. Doesn''t hit as hard, but it can have some funky additional flavors, and the base is just a refined, and more importantly longer lasting version of the original stuff. Way longer lasting. Seriously, Extra ain''t got shit on aches. So, y''know, day after Epic Marie Makeouts? Yeah, kinda low key bliss all day long. Day after fighting some asshole trying to hurt me to death? Like, y''know, today?


    Suck. All the suck. All the bad kind of suck, all at once.


    Worst part? The biggest suck of all is from one I did to myself after the fight when all my mad on teamed up with my stupid.


    Okay so yesterday, as I lay there clenching my jaw so hard it hurt, all the bits of me that would normally react to Saffron being her breast, I mean breast, I meant to say breast... fuck it, her hottest self? Decided to flash constantly intensifying ''out of service'' signals, as if to say, ''stop looking at her, you dumb bitch''. Of course I''m sure anyone with a pulse can guess exactly how I responded to my own naughty bits trying to bonk me with the horny bat like an over eager Shiba Inu. "Fuuucck." I groaned, trying to squirm around to get a peek to confirm that what Saffron dropped to start the fight was, in fact, the underwear she''d been wearing.


    Yeah, I get to see it sans everything on the regular when we''re getting dressed. Occasionally an up close view for a variety of reasons. But I''d like to point out that the folks that somehow think that ''being married'' equates to ''being bored of your spouse'' are, in fact, fucking morons. Cretins, even. The presence of concealing, semi-concealing, or best of all nearly completely concealing fabric that me getting an angle to see past would just have her rolling her eyes with an affectionate snort for my eternal horndog nature? Just added to the allure.


    Unfortunately, she''d decided to put the Marshall back together first. Now, that entertained my juvenile ass for about sixty seconds while she turned his crotch from ''bizarre bio-sculpture of melted and re-solidified flesh'' into ''naughty-bits, boy type'', since as always healing Mana Blade wounds produced a blinding glow while the magic healed them. Look, I know I''m boring, but I like what I like. I will absolutely lust over the same woman, laugh at the same joke, and giggle uncontrollably at the same live-action Anime crotch censoring glow every goddamned time.


    Once that was done, though, I realized that with her crouched down like that, would literally have to crawl on my back under Glowing Midnight''s skirts to confirm my Kitten''s partially commando state, and while I absolutely would do that, she''d go on about ''manners'' and ''public'' and ''gravitas'' and ''disrupting the Marshalls'' Healing'' and, me being me and her being her, ''doing that when I have other things I have to pay attention to''. Right about then, though, I got a brilliant idea. Whatever that little black fabric triangle was, I still saw it fluttering on the paver where she''d dropped it. After moving about six inches, in a fucked up crawl, with way more body parts joining in on the ''stop moving you dumb bitch'' bandwagon, I decided to take the easy route and Translocate over to it.


    Pain seared through my thigh, shutting off most of my higher brain functions, leaving me running entirely on ''stubborn bitch will do exactly what pain say no do''. I poured Mana into my Translocation, because all evidence to the contrary the stubbornest, probably stupidest part of my brain decided that was the best way to get the job done. I say ''probably stupidest'', because the part of my brain that decided on ''check to see if that scrap of cloth is Saffron''s panties or not'' absolutely refused to give up on the whole idea as a bad deal. The more Mana I poured in, the more it hurt. Right about when Saffron''s shout of, "what are you doing?" finally seeped through into my brain, something that sounded like the world''s messiest fart and felt like I''d tried using a live concussion grenade as an anal bead blasted a fan of Tabitha all over the courtyard in front of me.


    This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.


    I blinked, pushed my head up enough to see the fluttering fabric lying under me, reached for it, then got reminded that gravity is a thing, and without my hand holding me up, Mr. Paver and Ms. Nose''s passionate embrace would not be denied. I think what pissed me off the most at that point? Sniffing fabric with a nose full of blood is pretty fuckin'' useless. No fuckin idea what part of my brain took over next, but when Saffron finally looked down at me, giving me that affectionate exasperated eyeroll, headshake, smile combo? I rolled my head just to the side and confirmed that even though I couldn''t tell by tasting them with my case of severe post injury dry mouth, they were indeed my Kitten''s former panties of the day.


    What can I tell you? I''m a dumb bitch with a stubborn streak wider than the Atlantic, but I know what I like.


    "Tabitha?"


    I shoved the fabric to the side of my mouth with my tongue and said, "yeth?"


    "First, let me congratulate you for being the first person to conclusively prove that application of enough Mana will in fact denature Cold Iron."


    "Thath wah I did?"


    She sighed and nodded. "Since there is a spray of mixed black pudding, shredded meat, and cooling Mana neutral Iron across your former location in the Yard, I would say yes, that is exactly what you did."


    "Yay. Go me." That didn''t seem to be adequate. "Ow?" Yeah, that was the word. "Ow." I whined that one word into a drawn ought eight syllables before Saffron stepped over me, tapped the back of my head with the tip of her toe, then hopped off the Infirmary cot onto the floor.


    "Sister Siobhan?"


    "Oh sweet Canta what happened!"


    "You heard there was a duel between the Marshall and Tabitha scheduled today?"


    Sister Siobhan gasped. "He did this?"


    Glowing Midnight''s fabric rustled. "Some of the wounds, yes, but Tabitha exacerbated the hip wound herself. I can provide Heal Injury and extra Mana, but I''d like you to collaborate with any additional required Healing spells, and perhaps confer with Canta regarding the effects of Cold Iron poisoning on Mana Shaping?"


    A deeply suspicious tone colored the Sister''s next question. "What did she do?"


    "She forgot about a Cold Iron Dagger she''d stabbed herself with, which Marshall duBois subsequently embedded deeply into her thigh. She tried to Translocate with it so embedded, and when her Translocate failed to Shape properly, poured Mana into the shape until the Cold Iron melted. Some of it even vaporized, I think. The water in her thigh definitely did."


    "I don''t know whether to praise the Gods that she survived, or swear at her for her recklessness."


    Saffron sighed. "A situation I''m all too familiar with, Sister. On an ever more frequent basis I find myself thanking Mimic for keeping her alive while trying not to throttle her."


    "Mi, mim, mi, mimi, Mimic...?"


    "Yes. My Goddess, of whom I am High Priestess. She seems to favor Tabitha''s continued survival. If not seeing fit to bless her with the wisdom to survive in an undamaged manner."


    I''d been enjoying the sound of their voices enough with my head on the Infirmary pillow, but at that point the fear in Siobhan''s voice and the affectionate exasperation in Saffron''s teamed up to push my ''neuron activation'' button. If I''d thought before that my body parts were imitating a Shiba Inu with a whiffle ball bat? They''d now upped the ante to a Great Dane with an aluminum softball bat. "Ladiesh? Shisha Shawwan?"


    My side flickered with tingles as they turned their attention to me. "Yes, Tabitha?" replied Siobhan.


    "Coma?"


    Saffron snorted, Siobhan said, "of course," and I don''t remember anything after that.


    Woke up in Marie''s bed, light streaming through the window, Isnomi discussing something earnestly with Vulcan, Saffron sitting at her desk working on something Mana Shaping related, but with a couple tomes propped in front of her as well. I stared up at the ceiling, gradually working my way through all my muscles and joints, flexing them to see if they seemed to be working, intact, and in fact present. Once I realized that all of me was in fact in attendance, not to mention protesting any attempt to move it, I said, "hey Menace?"


    She hover-handed Vulcan''s case, then bounced over to me. "Yeth?"


    "Wanna go gliding?"


    "YETH!"


    I pushed myself to my feet, got Isnomi''s hang glider down, then turned to Saffron, who''d been watching me with an indulgent grin the whole time. "You wanna come with? I really need a headrest." I stared at her chest, not just to make my point clear, but because as I''ve noted, I like staring at her. Saffron priddy, me likey.


    She huffed. "I have things I need to be working on."


    I gave her my best puppy dog eyes, getting some reinforcement on that from Menace. "Please?" After a second of her glowering, I said, "Thighs?"


    She rolled her eyes. "Fine. But you''re going to be the one watching her. I''ve still got work to do."


    Which is how I wound up spending from mid-morning until sunset lying on the roof, watching Menace practice her unpowered aerobatics, my head pillowed on Saffron''s lap, my everything aching just enough to know it hadn''t forgiven me yet.


    Good day, regardless.

 Day Two Hundred And Eighty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    When you find somebody who finds your particular brand of stupid endearing, you hold on to them like they''re a life jacket and you just saw an iceberg looming out of the fog.


    So, spent yesterday resting, getting some light cuddle on with Saffron, and watching Menace do aerobatic shit designed to make parental units of less stern intestinal fortitude drop a brick. Funniest repeat occurrence, at least for my entertainment dollar, was when she pulled the whole ''requesting a flyby'' maneuver past the rope net and straight the fuck between the climbing ropes. I kept count, and when we got home, I poked my head into the armoire. "Conrad? Son?"


    He popped up right in front of me, and I said, "I want to paint some stencils on your sister''s glider; will that fuck it up or something?"


    After an instant''s thought he replied, "it''s good that you asked; I''m assuming you want permanent markings?" When I nodded, he continued. "Most stains that would mark the wings permanently would also negatively impact their integrity. Thank you for coming to me before possibly ruining her gift."


    "No problem. Do you have something that will work?"


    He shrugged. "It''s no bother to work something up. What did you intend to stencil?"


    "To start with? The rope tower and cargo net tower from the Practice Yard obstacle course."


    He cocked his head, "is she somehow climbing ropes and nets with her glider? Perhaps to get airborne after landing? Or crashing?"


    I held back exactly what I thought about his casually mentioning his sister faceplanting into the pavers, then shook my head and said, "nope. She''s knocking people off. Well, mostly scaring them so they fall off."


    I watched his smile slowly stretch from ear to ear, his eyes sparkling. "Oh, that brilliant little Menace. How many of each so far?"


    "So far six from the nets and thirteen from the ropes."


    He nodded. "I''d best make them small, then. Not likely she''ll stop any time soon, after all."


    "Thanks, son."


    He gave me a full on fancy bow, saying, "think nothing of it, Mother. Did you need anything else?"


    I shook my head. "Couple night''s sleep to recover from mauling myself after no-holds-barred sparring with the Marshall, but I can get those on my own."


    He nodded, said, "I''ll be about it, then," and slid the door shut.


    Snuggled into our bed with Saffron and Isnomi, who had Mister Kraken in her arms. Got jostled half awake when Marie joined us, but honestly I probably hadn''t really fallen asleep. No Mimic dreams.


    Woke in the morning after trying all night not to laugh at Mega-Kaiju Orange Cthulhu Tabby.


    Corncakes and tortillas for breakfast again. I''d be getting a little bored at the lack of spice and variety, not to mention annoyed at the lack of quantity, but Menace liked them both, and feeding the last few sopping bits of corncake to Saffron had become the highlight of my mornings. I mean, okay, yeah, the adultier part of me realized that these were just the easiest high protein, high carb things the Maids could put together with nothing but eggs and corn, what with everybody on food rations until the first serious harvests started coming in.


    As I prepped the last bite of corncake, getting it fully inundated with syrup then spooning it up to float in the middle of a spoonful of honey, I asked, "Kitten? Did you tell Miles to ration shit?"


    She licked the sticky off her lips from the last bite, then replied, "not so much tell as discuss it with him. Once made aware of the issue, he chose this response."


    Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.


    I nodded. "Cool. Good to know he remains free of cranial rectal inversion."


    She smiled at me, said, "as much as any of us, at least." Then she opened her mouth as I brought the spoon up.


    "Open your mouth, close your eyes, and I will give you a big surprise!"


    She snorted out a disbelieving, "surprise?" but opened her mouth wider, squeezed her eyes shut, then leaned over the table and stuck her tongue out as far as it would go as well.


    I got a big stupid smile on my face, then used the dripping back of the spoon to paint her tongue with honey. When the bottom was mostly clean, I said, "close your mouth." As soon as her lips sealed, I rotated the spoon and wiped the bowl of it clean on her lower lip as I pulled it out. She absolutely reveled in it; somehow not being able to see people watching let her focus on the sweets.


    When she swallowed, which mind you didn''t manage to do its normal trick of blowing out my fondness to horny ration, she asked, "may I open my eyes now?"


    "Yeah," I sighed.


    She looked the tiniest bit surprised and miffed by that, but any irritation evaporated the moment she saw my face. "You look a little gobsmacked."


    "You''re so cute. Adorable. Adorkable. I just wanna scoop you up and snuggle you like a stuffed animal. Or a body pillow. You''re more body pillow shaped. But I want stuffed animal snuggles, not body pillow snuggles." As I spoke, her smile just got wider.


    When I stopped talking, she looked over and said, "Marie, can you take the Menace with you today?"


    She shrugged and nodded past Saffron and I. We turned to see Conrad fastidiously wiping his sister''s mouth clean with a kerchief. "I thought I''d oversee some flight time with her today. If you both approve?"


    Saffron said, "why wouldn''t we?"


    I nodded my agreement and said, "yeah? Why would we object? You built the thing, know how it works, you''re probably the one she''s safest with."


    She held up her hands to him for uppies. He held back a moment or two, daubed a few spots I didn''t see anything dirty on, then lifted her and placed her on a hip. Then he walked over to where I sat and put an arm around me for a sideways hug. "Thank you, mother."


    "For what?"


    "For trusting me?"


    I shrugged. "Why wouldn''t we? You''ve been an absolute joy to parent. If anything, I feel kinda guilty when I think about it, since I don''t get to do to much momming for you." He pulled me tighter for a second, turned to Saffron, who''d come around the table, hugged her, then left with the Menace on his hip.


    At that point Saffron turned to me with an impish grin. After holding me hypnotized by her smile for a bit, she held up her arms just like Isnomi had done with Conrad. I picked her up and swung her around so I could carry her the same way he''d carried Isnomi, my arm under her ass like a seat. Of course, her legs were a little longer relative to my waist, so she locked her ankles on the far side of my thighs, wrapped her arms around my chest, and leaned her head against me. "Is this sufficiently... what was the word? Plushie like, my love?"


    I squeezed her to me as best I could, and she squeaked just a little. "Perfect."


    I didn''t bother stepping us to class. I enjoyed the walk, even if my ass was complaining at me the whole way. The half I''d blown up with my own stupid and stubborn, anyhow.


    We spent the day making copies of Saffron''s Law and Custom of Camden Yards. About halfway through the day something got in my light, and when I looked up I had sudden Saffron staring from under six inches. The moment my hands cleared the copy table, she leaned in and planted a kiss square on my lips. Kinda surprising how un-chaste it got with her hands clasped behind her and mine full of mana pen and sand bowl.


    "Wait, wait, wait," I said when she pulled away. "Sister Siobhan told me ''chaste'' means not unlawful or unhealthy. So, like, that kiss was technically chaste even with the tongue on tonsil action? Where''s the fucking line?"


    She tilted her head to the side, her smile slowly melting into a Grin. "Well, now that you mention it, by that standard it would absolutely be a chaste kiss. I am becoming pleasantly aware of a few things, in fact."


    I grinned up at my Kitten. "What''s that, sweetie?"


    "That I find you pondering academic topics, as you would put it, really fuckin'' hot. That despite having remained curious since the first time I saw you like this on the day I chose you as my Patron, I do not think I have had the opportunity to explore your current form to my satisfaction. And finally, that due to what was surely either an oversight or proof positive that the Archivists and Librarians are far more lusty than anyone else would believe, there is no specific rule against having relations in the Library."


    My eyes drifted closed and back open, not quite believing what I was hearing. "Which means...?"


    "That I have the completely chaste desire to have my way with you on the table. Which would put the fucking line somewhere on the aforementioned table." She snickered. "Although I find the thought we''d stay on a single line absurdly hilarious."


    We didn''t do that. Or, y''know, she didn''t do that, since despite me being a pretty active partner most of the time, she was definitely the instigator here. Until we were done copying and had our new copies safely ensconced in a library cart, that is.


    Seriously, you think my Kitten''s gonna leave me hanging, or that I''m gonna say no to that? To quote big bro, ''who the hell do you think we are?''

 Day Two Hundred And Eighty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    If this is what getting old feels like, three out of ten, unlike, unsubscribe, block, uninstall Age.exe, please.


    Before anybody mentions ''better than the alternative'', I''m not saying I want to die, or even really that I''d take death rather than getting older. Just that age-related maladies suck balls on toast. The one I''m dealing with right now, where parts of my body seem to have screen burn on the check engine lights, has been annoying the fuck out of me today.


    For what it''s worth, I''m pretty sure it''s not age. I''m not exactly sure what my actual age is here to begin with, but it''s either way too young or way too old to be getting old. Seriously, think about it. If you look at how long my mind has been thinking, which I''m sure has some kind of fancy psychiatric term for it, but fuck if I know it, I''m fast approaching <REDACTED> years. Or, y''know, if you''re one of the epic douchecanoes that think the fact that the thought process of an infant pretty much revolves around ''eat, sleep, shit'' means they don''t have one? You in particular can fuck off, eat shit, and die twice, because, ''eat, sleep, fuck'' pretty fully encompasses my thought processes. But douche nozzles like that would probably say in ''continuous thought time'' I''m around <REDACTED> or some shit like that.


    But I''m... not me. Not really. Not any more. Haven''t really been since some asshole shot me in the forehead and I wound up here. I mean, yeah, I think I''m me, and I definitely think like me, but in terms of ''is this the same body what my mom grew for me <REDACTED> years ago by my perceptive reckoning'', it''s not. Well, according to Loki and Saffron it''s not. My mind, my brain, my ''Soul''? Yeah, definitely me, or so me-flavored that eight out of eight who''ve tasted me can''t tell the difference. So I''m not <REDACTED> going on <REDACTED>, not really. My name is Tabitha Diaz, yeah. But the answer to Doc''s question, standing there on the roof nearly pissing himself? I''m the Avatar of Mimic now.


    <REDACTED>


    But I don''t, because that''s just fuckin'' stupid. But what about Mimic herself? I mean, shit, if what Loki told me Ymir heard is true, which would mean I''ve got three chunks of Ymir-bone on my personal altar? That poor orange tabby actin'' bitch has less real world life experience than me. From that angle, she''s ten months old too. Or maybe not? Shit, if she was still stuck in that fuckin'' chest until I powerfucked it to debris, that puts her at a couple months younger than me. But again, that''s fuckin'' stupid, so I''m not going with that. Maybe as old as, y''know, human history? Or at least as long as humans or human adjacent folks have been worshipping Gods? That would put her in the ten to twenty thousand year range. Thereabouts. Unless Primordials are technically as old as the concepts they embody, in which case... fuck. By that story, Domnu giving birth to Mimic was pretty much the Big Bang. So... billions.


    Which does not really jive with the passive Id occupying all of nearby M-Space. Unless she''s senile, which would suck even harder than her being some kind of fucked up Primordial infant.


    But, y''know, all those numbers point to ''too young to be feeling Age-related complaints'' or ''too old to be anything but immortal, and only Wish.com immortality gets old age symptoms''.


    I still wound up taking my cane today.


    Seriously. The table in the library had less padding than our old bed, and all of the solid oak rigidity. Between a little bit of fuzzy, glutes hard enough to use as an anvil, and so many feel-good hormones running through me, I didn''t notice or care yesterday. But after another night practicing my Zen by ignoring Mimic trying to hide under the largest object in the area, which just happened to be herself, because she is, as noted, more of an idiot than I am, I woke up with my recently vaporized hip all pissy with me for getting busy on an unyielding plank of wood.


    As I levered myself out of bed, Saffron noticed, because of course she did. "Regretting your impulsive Translocation on Friday, Goof?"


    I thought about it as Marie helped me with my pants. "Not sure. Still thinkin'' about it."


    She tilted her head, smiling around a ''really, Diaz?'' look. "Please. Enlighten me."


    "You sure, Kitten?"


    She nodded decisively, pushing her arms through the sleeves of her shirt, then letting the thing dangle while she got her pants on. "Absolutely. Whenever you hit the point I cannot follow, the explanation is either hilarious to the point I near piss myself laughing, or enlightening to the point where I might forget to put my pants on straight as I ponder the implications."


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    I nodded toward her shirt. "That why you''re leaving your shirt undone, so you can check your pants after?"


    She Grinned at me. "Oh, no. This is an act of Devotion to my Goddess, who apparently enjoys watching the way my shirt gives her glimpses of my breasts as I dress the rest of myself."


    Marie poked me in the sternum to get me to hold still despite my laughter after that, so she could tie my shirt and pants properly. "Well, shit, with that kind of bribery I sure as shit can''t keep secrets, can I?" After watching her Grin turn into a smug smile, I explained, "well, you see, my whole reason for doing that shit was to get up close and personal with your worn panties. I mean, technically to check if they were, in fact, your panties, then to see if I could tell if they''d been worn by giving them a thorough going over."


    She paused mid-tie, and I paused long enough for her to ask, "you realize you could have as many pairs as you like for the asking, yes?"


    "Forbidden fruit."


    She snickered. "Only you would say that about fruit where you''ve got a key to the orchard. Because you are, in fact, the owner of record."


    "Hey, hey, hey, I don''t own you. Or any part of you."


    She paused, thoughtful. "My Goddess, do I have Agency or not? I ask merely for confirmation, to determine your will, as my devotion to you extends to an absolute willingness to surrender myself, mind, body, and soul, to you."


    I snorted as Marie helped me put my Jacket on. "Look, if I ever say or imply you don''t, with the obvious exception of playing stupid nookie games? Fuck my shit up until I come to my senses. Consider yourself and all Commandmented. I might occasionally have to do Boss Bitch things, but ''I''m in charge'' does not equate to ''you aren''t a person''."


    She nodded. "As my Goddess commands. Then know this, my love. All that I have or am, now and forevermore, is yours and yours alone."


    Marie and I looked at her, then at each other, then back at her. As Marie handed me my cane, I motioned to Marie and said, "I''m flattered, but where does that leave her?"


    Saffron smiled at us as she pulled her jacket on. "One of the reasons I am willing to devote myself so unconditionally to you is that despite your self proclaimed greed, you are the one of the most generous people I know, and you''ve never shown the slightest hesitation regarding sharing."


    "Didn''t share you with Raymond."


    She laughed. "Of course you didn''t, because that called for only one of us, and instead you shared yourself." After chuckling about that a bit while Marie helped her get us both Just So, she continued, "So, was acquiring the forbidden fruit from your own orchard ''worth''?"


    I shrugged as I stood up and limped to the other room to collect Menace. "Still chewing on that. If I hadn''t had to chew on it to tell? Which also would have meant not breaking my nose? Clear win. But since I couldn''t tell even after chewing on them and did wind up breaking my nose on the pavers? It''s coming in real close to a net zero gain. Honestly, would be ''not worth'' except for the final bit."


    I waited, and eventually, as all three of us worked together to get Isnomi''s uniform and accessories onto a mostly-sleeping toddler, She smiled at me and said, "and what would the final bit be, love?"


    I gave her my best, ''kid who had stolen an entire candy store'' grin and said, "still got to confirm that you were pantiless when you stepped over me to get us to the Infirmary."


    She laughed as she stepped us all down to the Dining Hall, still chuckling and breaking into laughs as she said, "only you, Goof. But thank you for the implication." When I just hummed to her as I used my cane to help me sit down, she set Isnomi in the booster seat someone had dug up, she continued, "it''s incredibly flattering to think you feel the slightest glimpse of my nethers worth explosively destroying your hip and breaking your nose."


    I shrugged as Marie delivered our daily corncakes and tortillas. "I know what I like. My Kitten."


    Raven snorted as she sat down. "What have you two been up to? Normally I''d assume something nauseatingly cute, but now I hear you mentioning broken noses and exploding body parts." Before either of us could answer, she held up one hand. "Never mind. Don''t tell me. If I know the two of you you''ll somehow make painful injuries cute or something." Then she stuck out her tongue in the universal ''don''t make me puke'' face.


    Midway through breakfast, Headmaster Miles sent a runner down to our table, but instead of one of us, the Freshman Cadet stopped in front of Marie. "Maid Marie?" When she nodded, the Cadet said, "Headmaster Miles officially requests you to forgo all other duties and report to the Advanced Healing Studies class for the day to act as a Subject Matter Expert regarding Souls."


    Marie looked more than a little surprised, but after tilting her head and considering, said, "Yes."


    When the four of us made it up to the Advanced Healing Studies classroom, Menace came out of her torpor long enough to mutter, "Doccah Zeccahdi." Saffron carried her over to him, and when she held out noodle arms for him, he scooped her up and cradled her just like my Kitten had been doing. Doctor Glass did the opening lecture, explaining that for the moment, while a few members of the class would be working with ''Archmage Aetos-Diaz'' on the new ''Smite'' Shaping Spell, most of the class would be ''observing and taking notes on the nature of the Soul, as displayed by Maenad Marie''. Apparently he''d even gone to the extent of setting up a whole rotation, so nobody would wind up too fucked up at the end of the day, and everybody would get a chance to watch what Marie did. Okay, mostly they were supposed to be taking a good long look at what she pulled out, but I figure some of them were more interested in, y''know, how to manipulate Souls than how they worked. Which, since they were all supposed to be in the class to learn how to fix shit, I let slide. Can''t fix something if you can''t find a way to touch it somehow, right?


    If any of them used their newfound powers for evil? I guess I''d just have to pay them a visit.

 Day Two Hundred And Eighty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    So weird discovering shit about the interconnectedness of the Body, Mind, and Soul, then wondering how much of that shit would have applied back where I came from.


    I mean, some of it seems pretty straightforward, and probably would. Like, if you''re in constant pain, it''s tough to focus on personal growth and becoming your best self, because every fuckin'' thought you have is painted with a liberal dose of ''fuck that hurts'', to the point that even when you''re healed, or medicated, or whatever, the ''fuck that hurts'' becomes kinda habitual. Not great when you''re trying to establish new healthy thought patterns and shit. I guess the same goes the other way? If you''ve got chronic depression, or unmedicated ADHD, or any other neurospicy shit that doesn''t work and play well with the day to day world, getting into any kind of solid workout routine or maintaining a healthy diet is just not in the cards.


    Yeah, I get it, there are people out there who have done it. Become Zen Masters while dealing with terminal body wide cancer and shit, or established a gym routine despite not being able to remember to eat. I ain''t even mad about it. Seriously, go them! If the chronic pain Zen Master ever manages to find, y''know, some kind of cure for what ails them, everything else is gonna be easy mode. If that poor bitch who can''t sit still unless she''s hyper focused finally gets the right combination of medication, she might be the next Olympic whatever. But, and this is the important takeaway, those folks are the exceptions, not the rule. Having some kinda physical problem makes mental challenges that much harder, and having some kinda interfering mental issue can set physical challenges to hard mode too.


    So I guess my real question is about the whole ''Soul'' part of things. Obviously I''ve got a Soul here, because I can Shape Mana and shit; according to something I heard Doctor Glass in Advanced Healing Studies say, that''s the part people use to interact with Mana. Shape it, detect it, generate it, store it, whatever. Which makes me kinda weirded, what with me not being able to detect it very well. I mean, shit, just think about the Ley Lines; anybody with the knack for seeing Mana avoids looking at them just like they avoid looking at the sun. Meanwhile I''m over here going ''yeah, I think I see something, maybe''. Then again, I can see Souls just fine, which I''m not sure is because Souls have a huge Mana density, if the folks in Advanced Healing have particularly powerful Souls, or if it''s just a perk of being a Psychopomp.


    At any rate, I''ve got a Soul here, but did I have a Soul back there? Is that what came across? Mana is Energy and Souls are Mana, so I guess it''s possible? I can Scry on people back there and watch over their shoulders to catch up on my web shows, so it looks like information can cross that barrier. This way at least. But, like, if Loki somehow got himself to the far side, could he make a fortune giving Soul Shiatsu to folks whose Soul Alignment is desperately out of whack?


    There are many ways I could make a fortune in the world of your birth, Tabitha Diaz. Had you asked me a year ago, I would never have even considered ''being a Healer'' as one of them.


    How ''bout now?


    It''s grown on me. I''d probably grow bored eventually, but it is soothing, and watching you walk away after is satisfying.


    And watching me stumble around the next day like a geriatric?


    That would definitely increase the time it would take me to grow bored with it.


    That''s my Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    So yesterday after a full day of playing with Souls like some kind of stress ball filler, Marie wound up kinda zonked. Like, not ''unable to walk'' like I''ve wound up sometimes, but definitely ''less energetic than normal''. Seriously, on our walk back to our rooms? She slouched. Everybody''s seen Marie in her normal ''this is what Lancasters are trying to emulate with those rods'' prim and proper Maid posture. A few lucky souls like me, and apparently plenty of Dionysus worshippers back in the day have gotten to see ''ready to party'' Marie. Apparently so many people have seen her ''ready to fuck shit up'' posture that unironic use of the phrase, ''This. Is. Sparta!'' comes with a deep seated phobia about it. But slouching? Absolutely not, this would not stand. Like halfway to our rooms I got in front of her little cart and stopped it.


    "Saffron? Get the cart, please?"


    She shrugged and moved in between Marie and the cart, looking absolutely adorable getting ready to push a Maid''s cart that came up to her mid-chest. Meanwhile I gently took hold of Marie''s arms, pulled her hands from her cart, then put them over my shoulders and laced her fingers together while she stood there half-stupefied. Once I had her hands situated, I said, "Okay, up up!" and waggled my hands.


    She didn''t get it. Honestly, just another sign how tired she was. I stepped back toward her, crouched, and grabbed the back of her thighs, lifting her onto my back. When I finally levered her feet off the ground, my hip sent in its resignation, but other than that my biggest problem was that she just kinda slumped there. Then she started purring, and I silently vowed that my hip could fuck off, die, and take my back with it, Murder Mittens was getting a piggy back ride all the way to bed.


    On the one hand, I think she''s a little lighter than I half expected. On the other hand, given that she''s over seven feet tall in stocking feet, I expected something that would break the suspension on a light duty pickup truck. Instead? Honestly, if she hadn''t been so limp it wouldn''t have been that tough. DuBois PT for the win. But she still weighed more than me and Saffron combined. Probably like twice that, if I had to guess. Don''t get me wrong, she not chonk, but she big grrl. As I carried her, I got reminded how while a lot of her volume was fluffy fur? The rest was absolutely dense as fuck muscle. Like, back in my old world she could make ultra-bank on OnlyFans, what with the Ultimate Triple Combo of Maid, Catgirl, and Muscle Mommy. She wouldn''t even have to get naked or screw on camera. Just, y''know, point a camera at herself while cleaning up the room. Shit, she could do a whole ''creator collaboration'' with other OF creators, visiting their rooms and straightening up while they, I dunno, put their pajamas on and pretended not to be engaged in mad pearl polishing.


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    I mean, there would be spicy content if I had anything to say about it. Not that this surprises anyone.


    By the time we made it up to our room, my body had turned in its resignation, and I had told it to shut the fuck up and soldier. Menace leapt off the cart and ran forward to get the door, because my girl is awesome helpful like that. I didn''t want to just dump Marie on the floor, but with the bed right there inside the door I didn''t have to. I collapsed sideways, because if I''d faceplanted into the mattress I''d have suffocated with her on top of me. As we both lay there, her purring, me pretending not to groan from all the achy soreness, I groaned, "Kitten? You mind getting the lights and blankets?" After a second to do something vaguely resembling thinking I added, "and the clothes?"


    She huffed as she turned from the cart. "I suppose. I''d hoped to get some work done tonight, but needs must."


    Then my Menace hammered all three of our mutual proud mama buttons by stepping in Saffron''s way, holding up her hands, and saying. "Na, Ma. I gad dis."


    Saffron, being the only one of us able to do so, scooped Isnomi up and nuzzled her, cooing out, "thank you, my girl!" Then, when she set our Menace down, we got to watch as Isnomi shepherded her mom out of the room to her desk, at one point putting her hands on the backs of her mom''s thighs and pushing.


    When she came back, she''d already ditched most of her own clothes into the dirty clothes pile, and she just stood there staring for a little bit. Between one moment and the next, my back went from covered by my linen uniform shirt to being covered by fuzzy purring Marie front. With my brain wandering from exhaustion and sleepiness, I pondered the idea that apparently Dionysus was enough of a Furry to make his ever expanding Murderfuck Cult exclusively out of upright Siberian tigers, but not so much that he forgot to rearrange Maenad mammaries to match more typical humanoids. Also, I got a sudden weighty reminder that what would look like an athletic B cup on a normal sized woman? Is like, bigger than grapefruit sized. Melons? Yeah. Melons. Cantaloupe. Because if you''re already married, and the only way you can get more married is bringing them home to meet the family, then you really can''t elope, can you?


    What can I say, I''d started the whole piggy back ride tired and a little sore, by the time Menace slid the lights down I''d hit the point of giggling inanely at my own awful boob jokes.


    Mimic apparently decided that Mom had stopped looking for her, returned to contemplation of the night sky, didn''t see Domnu anywhere, remembered that you see Domnu by not seeing her, then covered what passed for her eyes with her tentacles and went back to trying to hide under herself. I''d be embarrassed, but really, do I have any room to talk after that cantaloupe joke?


    Woke up once in the middle of the night when Saffron wormed her way in between Menace and I to complete the full set of nested spoons. My ''oh, no, Menace is on the outside'' was summarily mocked and shunned by my recently developed, ''if they try to steal her, I''mma watch, point, and laugh'', then I went back to sleep, pleasantly nested right in my proper spot.


    We all woke up late. Marie seemed to have nearly as much not-want-to-get-up as I did, so while Saffron and Menace got their stretch on, I half turned and said, "doing Psychopomp stuff really takes it out of you, huh?"


    She went still, giving me her ''please wait, response buffering'' look for a bit before saying, "Rusty." Then after another pause, "Pausing."


    "Yeah, I guess it''s been a while since you had to give some lucky bastard the ride of their life." Then I realized what else she''d meant. "You pretty much pulled them out and then did your thing before, didn''t you?" When she nodded, I asked, "is it that much harder to, y''know, not pull it all the way out? Or to just hold it there?" She gave Menace a very pointed look, and I thought, Hey, Kitten? Could you go on ahead to Loki''s, let him know we both need realignment more than therapy today?


    Of course, love.


    Both of you? What has Saffron been up to?


    Not Saffron, Boss. Marie.


    I got the distinct impression that Loki''s twig and berries were taking an unaccustomed trip to the interior of his body. Marie.


    Yeah, I think she pushed herself a little too hard. She needs it.


    What does Dionysus think about me laying hands on one of his Chosen?


    I dunno why exactly that pressed my ''all the pissed off'' button, but I growled back, whatever the fuck I tell him to think. Why you worried about this, Boss? It''s just D.


    Daughter, while I appreciate your confidence in me, I am but a Trickster who spent most of the time since the formation of the Pact confined to this cave.


    And?


    Dionysus is not a Trickster to run and hide. He has, in fact, defied the lords of his own Pantheon. Successfully. For millennia now. With you showering me with Glory recently, I might not be beneath his notice, but I am still, perhaps, less than eager for us to find out which of us is more powerful.


    At that point? My pissed off reached just the right levels. Mom Powers Activate. If he has a problem with you and won''t sit his ass down and talk it out politely? He can get exactly as fucked as Sengann and Apollo. I get that not all my friends and family might be best buds, might get feeling some kinda way at each other, but if somebody escalates shit, I will de-escalate it. Permanently if I have to.


    At that point, Menace and Saffron, both dressed up, disappeared, I assume to Loki''s cave. I turned to Marie. "Okay, sweetie, what did you want to show me?"


    With a smile and a growl she proceeded to take half an hour or so to demonstrate exactly how torturous ''holding something halfway'' could be before I conceded her point to her satisfaction. I instachanged myself into The Dress, and Marie into her uniform, then rolled us both over onto the floor of Loki''s cave.


    "Sigyn?"


    "Yes, my daughter?"


    "Could you maybe stick around today? I don''t think Marie or I are really up to getting ourselves onto the table."


    With a laugh she came over and hefted me up onto the table, Loki banishing The Dress as she lay me face down for him to start working. Then, as if realizing what I''d said, she stuttered, "M. M. Marie? Maenad Marie on my husbands massage table?" Then her jaw shut with an audible snap before she went over, hefted Marie up over her shoulder not unlike what Larry had done with Bonnie, and walked her back to the table. The thing was a feast table designed to seat nearly a dozen people, it fit both of us just fine, and Sigyn started in on an old fashioned regular massage while Loki manhandled my Soul back into place. Before I passed into a sort of blissful state of non-thought, I heard her mutter.


    "New item atop the list of ''oddest things I''ve done for Victory."

 Day Two Hundred And Eighty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    Important safety tip to remember: when scheduling medical procedures likely to render someone incapable of movement, do not have them performed on all large members of the household at once.


    Yeah, Marie and I stumbled home absolutely sloppy loose in a state of utter non-thought when Loki finished with us yesterday. Hell, Loki, Sigyn, and at one point I think Saffron and Isnomi hopped up on the table to watch, or help, or maybe both. I''m not exactly sure, because as noted, blissful state of non-thought.


    Well, okay, that''s not exactly a perfect descriptor, because I''m sure that there were random thoughts bouncing around my head the whole time, but none of them had any urgency or stress to them. The only thing I can really compare it to is some stages of being pretty deeply drunk or high. Like, moment to moment there''s there there, but if you were to ask me what I was thinking about? I''d probably have said some shit like ''table'', or ''hands'', or maybe ''snake''. Then started laughing my ass off, either at the abstract concept of a table, or the color of your eyes, or even the ephemeral knowledge that every thought I had was, in fact, ephemeral. Then laughing more because I was laughing, and laughing feels good.


    So, ''no thoughts'' might not fit. Then again, I don''t really remember any particular moment, so there might very well have been plenty of ''non-thought'' moments in there. And before anybody, meaning me, starts thinking about the lewd comic of the ''no thoughts'' bunnygirl with a dildo half the size of her torso stuffed up her hoo hah, nothing of that sort happened. Dude, he''s ever more like my dad, which makes that kind of thing ever more ''eww''. Objectively, especially now that his scars are healing and he can get clean and sit up and shit, I can totally see where Sigyn would pounce on him even if she weren''t, y''know, the literal incarnation of marital devotion. But subjectively? Ew. No thank you.


    Yes, I know I tease him. Because have you met me? If I were dying of thirst in the desert, and I met me with a whole fuckin'' camelback full of water, I would tease me. Either direction. Because that is, in fact, part of who and what I am. The more I think about it? The more I realize Saffron hit the nail on the goddamned head with ''Trickster Goddess''.


    Anyway, the two of us stumbled back to the bedroom, both of us giggling at shit like the fact that at one point I had one boot on and she had a stocking inside out on her hand. Why did we find that funny? Fuck if I know, it''s just one of the few semi-coherent memories I''ve got of last night.


    Endorphins. One hell of a cocktail of drugs.


    We woke up on the floor this morning snuggled together forehead to forehead. I''m not sure if she opened her eyes because she''d been lying there awake and heard my eyes open, or if me moaning softly as me opening my fucking eyes made my goddamned eyelid muscles ache woke her up, but the thin feline whine that came out of her mouth sure as shit told me she wasn''t any better off than me. "Y''okay?" I muttered.


    "Sore." She whined back.


    "Yeah." I groaned. Kitten?


    Out of the corner of my eye I saw her pop up on the bed in the other room, staring at the window. Whazzit?


    No emergency. Just might need some serious help getting my going to go this morning. I met Marie''s eyes. "Need help?"


    "Sp''ragm''s?" she whined.


    "Really? Stains?" I muttered back.


    "Worth." She shot me pretty fuckin'' good pleading puppy dog eyes for an anthropomorphized tiger.


    I thought about it for a second. "Shit. Can''t." When she whined and looked vaguely betrayed, I thought, Kitten, could you explain that you''re a little small to dismember Murder Mittens here with anything shy of a Mana Blade, and we''re not sure if she''ll heal those right, and if I do it, there''s a chance she won''t wake up in the morning?


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    Saffron stumbled into the room, flopped down between us, her back to me, looking at Marie. "Sorry, dear Marie, but I''m not strong enough to do the job short of Spells that might interfere, and, well, Tabitha''s Mimic. By the time we''d get your sisters here or you to them, dawn will have passed. So, since you''ll probably be fine by tomorrow morning, can we pass on that idea for now?"


    Marie heaved a sigh, whining the whole time she did it. "Yes."


    "Would you like to sleep until then? I''ll tell Headmaster Miles you''re unavailable for the day."


    "Yes."


    With that Saffron reached up, lay a hand on Marie''s forehead, dragged it down her face to close her eyes, and our big Maenad snored just like a kitten. Purred like one too.


    How is she purring?


    Saffron rooched around to face me. "Relax."


    Not upset, just wondering.


    She rolled her eyes at me. "No, Goof. Relax. Let go. Stop trying to hold your eyes open, stop trying to hold yourself somehow, just... relax."


    I may be stubborn and dim, but I can, when not otherwise distracted, follow simple instructions, and you don''t get much simpler than, ''do fuck all''. I just kinda let myself go loose, almost like I was trying to go to sleep, or maybe sorta cosplaying last night before bed.


    The moment I let go of everything, I slumped over, one eye slipped closed, and the aching dissipated. Not gone entirely, but more hovering there letting me know that more aches were an option if I decided to do anything at all. Fuck.


    She snickered at me then whispered, "I doubt you''ll be able to stay this loose in the middle of things, but Isnomi is still asleep in the other room. So if that''s what you really want?"


    I thought about that for a second, then winced as the effort of not shaking my head ached nearly as much as shaking it would have. Let''s save that for bedtime. Right now... um... is there anybody in the Logistics classroom right now?


    She disappeared, then returned a heartbeat later. "All clear."


    You ever play with, like, posable dolls?


    She got the weirdest little impish grin. "Really?"


    Yeah.


    She tittered a little. "If that''s what you want, but why?"


    Not gonna give him the satisfaction of missing class.


    She chuckled, and the sound shot an involuntary ache through bits of me that clenched. "You realize I''ve never gotten to play with that kind of doll before, right?"


    I ate the ache to smile at her. Fuck it. You get to now. Have fun with it, Kitten. Just don''t let him know what''s actually going on, and make sure I''m there waiting for him when he gets to class, okay?


    Which is how I wound up sitting there in my seat in the back row, wearing The Dress. With panties, albeit they were draped across one of my eyes as an impromptu eyepatch. She''d propped my hands in front of me on my cane, the cane itself propped up by my crossed legs. Not sure if it was class, decorum, or some kind of subtle hint to everyone else that she''d dressed me that The Dress''s skirt had been draped to cover my cooch. The piece de resistance was a sign dangling in front of my face pinned to my ersatz eyepatch, which I found out later read ''fuck off, I''m praying''.


    When duBois arrived, he said, "What the fuck, Diaz?"


    From beside me, Saffron whispered, "something involving a Maenad."


    He clomped over to me and, not quite shouting, said, "hung over, Diaz?"


    I ate the ache to smile at him and whisper, "sorry, busy praying and all, did you say, waah, waah, waah, I''m a piss baby dying of envy, lemme at Big D''s personal stash?"


    He snerked, snorted, then cut loose laughing his ass off. After what would have been an excruciating minute had I actually been hung over, he said, "do us both a favor and tone down the snark once the class gets here? I''d hate to have to write you up for disrespect above and beyond the call of duty. Or, y''know, disrupting class." Funny, I don''t think he gave that much of a shit about the disrespect, but was entirely serious about disrupting class.


    I just smiled and whispered, "Hey, I''mma be here praying. Any snark can be directly attributed to divine intervention."


    Wait, did you just blame your smart mouth on me?


    Like Father like Daughter, Boss.


    Thanks. Tabitha. Diaz. You''re. The. Best.


    I know.


    For the rest of the day I just let class flow around me, making silent comments to Loki or Saffron when something struck me funny. Weird thing? I think I absorbed more of the material than I normally did. Not sure, though, since I was absolutely Zen through most of the day.


    Gotta hand it to Saffron; after spending all day in the position she''d propped me up in, I didn''t hurt in the slightest.


    She even remembered my lullaby request. My wife best wife.

 Day Two Hundred And Ninety

    Dear Diary,


    Kinda weird, both how a rival and a nemesis aren''t really the same thing, but somebody can wind up slipping from one to the other pretty fuckin'' quick, and how the former is so much more fuckin'' useful than the latter.


    I mean seriously, when Larry was my self-declared ''nemesis''? Or, well, when I took his little ''this will not go unavenged, a Lancaster never forgets, I love elephant cock'' schtick as him declaring himself my nemesis? Yeah, now and then it pushed me a little, but mostly we just got in each other''s fuckin way. Once I matured a little bit, and really kinda outgrew him as a nemesis, he slowly slipped into a ''not really all that dangerous'' rival role. At that point he started using his brain to fuck with me, at which point he wound up pushing me a lot harder than he ever had when he was just trying to win a pissing contest against me with his micropenis. Which really shouldn''t be surprising; how much flow can you really get with one of those? Also it''s got to be a bitch to direct. Not like you can get a good grip on it.


    Of course, there''s that whole ''rivals to friends'' thing that happened afterward. Mostly during our march through the woods. I mean, hell, in some ways if he makes it back here before I graduate, we''ll probably still wind up friendly rivals and shit, but emphasis on the friendly. Like, I would absolutely take Saffron out drinking with Larry and Bonnie, maybe kick back doing the ''dudes don''t dance'' thing with him at the table while we watch Saffron and Bonnie do that ''we''re friends who aren''t interested in dancing between the sheets together in the slightest, but we can sure as fuck get our chosen steeds worked up doing the actual, non-horizontal lambada''. I might, maybe, if he was real nice about it and Bonnie didn''t mind, let him dance with Saffron, just to experience the thrill of a dance partner who was actually small enough for him to feel all big and shit. It would also be funny as shit watching him and Saffron both trying to lead. Also, also that would totally give me a chance to ask her about how he managed to knock her up with a micropenis and all.


    Okay, yeah, before I forget. Kitten?


    Yes, Goof?


    Remind me next time Larry and Bonnie are in town that I want to go bar hopping with them down on South Street.


    Suspicion laced her reply. Why?


    Because Larry and I are buds now, and it''s been way too fuckin'' long since I could just go get my dance on.


    Dionysus'' Revels happen on a regular basis, I suppose.


    Nah. Not looking for a Revel. Shit, if we all hit a Revel we might get drunk enough to wind up pregnant via Larry''s record setting micropenis potency. Hard pass on that. Also Bonnie shouldn''t be drinking. Like, not Revel drinking.


    Why not? Weird, she sounded honestly curious. So strange, the simple shit everybody knew back where I''m from, but is just some kind of mysterious secret here and now.


    Bad for the baby. Duh.


    So you just want to, what, go visit some bars that have music and dance?


    Yep.


    I''ll remember that then.


    Thanks, Kitten. Love you.


    Love you too, Goof.


    Anyway, I''ve finished my personal ''Nemesis to Sword Liege-man (and Friend?)'' questline, but now Saffron has a Nemesis. Who is apparently trying to move herself into the Rival role, because unlike Larry and I, she''s all smart and shit. I mean, she''d have to be for her to be Saffron''s nemesis, right? The only other option I can think of is a hundred foot Jotnar dude with an IQ eclipsed by the typical houseplant. But apparently Cadet Karen Smith has decided that being Saffron''s nemesis, much like Larry being mine, is just a prescription for hurt, whereas being Rivals they can actually spur each other to greatness or some shit like that.


    Goddammit, if anybody is involved with Saffron and spurs, it better be me. Or maybe Marie. No, Cadet Smith can''t join in, Saffron''s too little to pull a three horse hitch. Oh, fuck, now I can never utter those words in her presence or she will absolutely do that, because no force on Heaven or Earth will push my Kitten to do shit she otherwise wouldn''t consider more than telling her she can''t do it.


    Y''know, I''ve come to realize that while opposites attract, there''s got to be commonalities for relationships to work, and that is absolutely something Saffron and I have in common. Makes me worried and curious, because I actually remember exactly who, what, and when someone told us we couldn''t do something. Siobhan, in the Infirmary, with the Can''t Get Each Other Pregnant.


    Okay, look, I''m a little fuckin'' busy right now, but as soon as shit settles down that''s on the list.


    Anyway, woke up this morning face to face with still snoozing Marie. Itty bitty snores told me Isnomi had the toddler bed, and with Saffron not between us and not at the desk working, I figured she''d decided to hog the entire bed to herself since nobody else was using it. Slightly less itty bitty snores filtered in from the bedroom, letting me know I''d woken up first. I reached out and brushed my hand along the side of Marie''s face; with her lying there totally relaxed, her fur felt softer than ever. Almost like her natural tension kept her fur just a little stiff all the time. After a single affectionate stroke, I felt a little bad, what with the whole ''fondling the sleeping concubine'' thing. The way she purred the moment my hand touched her, and it only rumbled deeper as I ran my hand across her? Did not assuage my guilt in the slightest, but sure as fuck lit a fire under my ass to wake her up and, y''know, see what it would take to get her to opt in on lazy Tabitha stroking. Lazy stroking by Tabitha? By me? Fuck it, not like I''d say ''no'' if she wanted to reciprocate. Or maybe I would, just to get her to be as completely relaxed as I was now?


    Anyway, I reached inside myself like I was gonna activate my stolen Healing Coma Skill, then flipped the script and deactivated it.


    I kinda expected her eyes to pop open immediately, since I still had my hand on her cheek, what with Healing Coma being one of those Spells that''s easier to Shape and control in physical contact with the target. Instead, her purring took on an entirely different timbre. Somehow more aware, and definitely more intense. Not, like, hunger rumbles though. Oh, yeah, she definitely had some hungry purrs, and I''d heard them, caused them, ended them to Marie''s complete satisfaction. Not to mention that they were, like, catnip for Tabitha. But this? This was something I didn''t remember hearing. If she''d ever done it around me, it had always been drowned out by something else, or I was too distracted to catch on.


    I leaned in until our foreheads touched, felt the purr vibrate my brain just a little in a way that banished any lingering soreness from Monday''s Soul realignment. "You awake?"


    "yes" She breathed out that single word so quietly I almost thought I''d imagined it.


    "I... I want to..." I have no idea why I could ask her to do the freakiest sadomasochistic shit imaginable with no perceptible hesitation, tell her I wanted to bang without flinching, but somehow couldn''t manage to say, ''I want to pet your face''. Okay, thinking it out loud like that did seem a little freaky, but, y''know, wild assed sadomasochist shit, with Bondage for appetizers and Domme and Sub for dessert.


    "yes" she breathed again. Her purring might have gotten the tiniest touch of something like hunger, but not that hyper-freaky hunger I knew so well. Instead it was... waiting. Patiently. The kind of patiently that only an immortal could really appreciate.


    "May I..." Weird, but normally I''d be getting pissed at myself, forcing myself to say it out of spite or some shit, but that same patiently waiting purr just drained that shit right out of me.


    "yes" she exhaled a third time, and I gave up and stroked the side of her face, feather light, brushing her platinum hair back as I did. Her purring changed, getting more intense without getting even the slightest bit louder. It rippled through quiet melodies and harmonies, harmonics reaching out through my arm, slipping me moment by moment closer to that blissful non-thought state we''d walked home in. Without thinking about it, my hand never quite going still, I leaned in and brushed my lips against hers.


    "Sea," I breathed out almost as quietly as she had, my breath tickling my lips and, by the way they twitched ever so slightly, hers as well.


    "smoke" she breathed back into my lips.


    I don''t know how long we lay there, lips barely touching, my hand gently stroking the side of her face, neither of us with any desire for anything more. Eventually, though, life intervened in the form of our little Menace looming over us from the edge of her bed. Our mutual smiles gently tugged us to something closer to conventional consciousness. Marie looked up at her and said, "Scamp."


    If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


    Isnomi put on what I guess she thought of as a ''regal'' look, but like most folks trying to hard, just wound up looking sorta constipated as she said, "goddeth!"


    Marie chuckle-purred and said, "Same."


    That''s when I caught the edge of a sound that sent me from the edges of ''no-thought'' to crisis mode in zero point zero seconds flat. In our bedroom, lying on her stomach facing the end of the bed and the connecting doorway like she''d been watching us, Saffron sobbed into the bed. I don''t remember crossing the intervening space. I might not have. "Kitten?" I said, keeping my tone as soft as I could as I lay next to her, propped over her, sheltering her with my body without putting any weight on her. "Kitten? What''s wrong?" I''d almost barked something about who I had to kill, but something told me this wasn''t the time. Not quite. Not yet.


    She rolled into me, arms snaking around me, and wept into my chest. "I... I want... But I can''t... I can''t..."


    "Shh. Shh... I''m here, Kitten. I''m here, and you can do whatever the fuck you want. If anybody says different, I''ll explain them into very small pieces why that''s a bad fuckin'' idea."


    She giggled through her sobs at that, then, still sobbing quietly, whispered, "I''m the one who says different."


    As gently as I could, I tilted her face back to look her in the eye. "Explain." When she hiccoughed again, I whispered, "take your time."


    She smiled up at me, and I''d never seen a sadder smile. "That''s just it. Time. ''My'' time." She sighed, and let her words trickle out in a slow, steady stream. "This July I''ll be an ''Adult''. I''m not just Mortal, love, I''m one of the shortest lived Mortal races. By fifty I''ll be old. By sixty? Decrepit. No half-Bag I''ve ever heard of has lived to seventy. I''ve always known how precious my time is. How limited." She heaved a sigh, this one less heartbroken, but no less hurt for all that. "My time isn''t my own any more."


    "If you need a break, you take a break. Consider yourself commandmented if that''s what you need."


    She smiled sadly at me, a hand on my cheek mirroring what I''d done with Marie earlier. I even leaned into it and purred, unbidden. "I cannot, love. I cannot and still feel myself worthy of you, my love, my goddess, my wife." I opened my mouth, but she shook her head and spoke over me. "I mean that. I''ve found so many ways to do so much more than I ever thought I could, and I owe so much of that to you. To your unquestioning, unflinching trust in me." She smiled up at me. "Because of you, my Goddess? At any given moment on any given day I''m here researching my new Spells, in class with you, leading the Inter-City Council meeting, attending any Phileo Council meeting going on, leading the effort to set up Camden Yards'' government, and if I''m very lucky canoodling with one or both of you."


    I just leaned there, kinda gobsmacked. "Wow." That seemed a little too little. "Fuck." Fuck off, did I or did I not just say I was gobsmacked?


    She just nuzzled into me, a little of the sadness spilling out of her smile. "Only when one of you two is eager to take the lead. I don''t have that as a Skill yet, and I''m not sure I''d want to run on automatic for that anyhow."


    "But doing it while necking is fine?" Can''t stop the snark, even when I really want to, apparently.


    Then again, it made her giggle. Totally worth. "Oh, please, dear Goof. How often are you thinking about what we''re doing when I do this..." She then locked lips with me, and I have absolutely no idea how long I lost right there. When she came up for air, she continued, "and how often are you just enjoying the moment?"


    I nodded sheepishly. "Well. Yeah. Point taken. Although I''d like to make clear how the forces of life conspire to assault that Point on the regular, so in my considered opinion we need to schedule frequent re-taking of that particular contested Point." She giggled and, without replying, not only sent another wave at that point, but set up some defense in depth. Concrete bunkers and automatic autocannon and shit. At some point I''m gonna try and Inspect her and the old Inspect is gonna break because it doesn''t have room for the plusses next to ''Canoodling''. My girl has All The Skill with lip on lip action.


    When she''d secured The Point to her momentary satisfaction, she said, "with that? Which is, not to understate its importance to me, the metaphoric equivalent of having your arm around me in class? Something that comforts all of me no matter how frustrated or boring my situations? I don''t feel the need to pay attention for both of us to enjoy it to the fullest. But for anything more?" She blushed just a little. "If I''m not utterly passive, an object, a doll for you or Marie to play with as you will? I''ve stopped researching and put everything else on autopilot. Those deeply intimate times with you? They are precious to me, and I would not give them less than my full attention."


    "So, like, why can''t you do that with," I nodded to where Marie and I had lay in our long, quiet moment.


    She sighed, her sobs stilled for now, but clearly not banished. "I don''t think either of us could Co-Locate like that, love. I don''t think I''d want to, either." She paused, firmed her shoulders a little, and the part of me that had been on edge, waiting for a target to eliminate the cause of her sobs, both relaxed and perked up to pay attention to her. "Moments where I focus on one or all of you? Those I need to survive as much, if not more, than sleep and food. You three are most of why I do what I do."


    "Right back at you," I murmured, and she smiled.


    "But... I could perhaps take a break from research for a day. Maybe a week. But the rest? With even the people I trust to do the work once I assign it to them distracted by Calverton and now Norfolk? I could not give myself over completely to the kind of relaxation the two of you shared with that hanging over me. Even if you Commanded me, my Goddess, I simply could not. I would fail. So please, please, please, do not Command that of me. Do not doom me to failure in my service of you."


    I smiled down at her. "I''ve got absolute confidence in you, Kitten," before she could do more than tense the tiniest bit, I continued. "But I get that you don''t. I''m not gonna force you on that. Not because I think you''re wrong about it being impossible. My Kitten do six impossible things before most people wake up, because that is how my Kitten do. But you asked me not to. I''d be exactly the kind of hypocritical bitch I hate if I forced you into doing something like that."


    "Thank you," she breathed into my cleavage, starting to snuggle herself into me.


    "On the other hand," she tensed just a little, and I nosed her forehead until she took the hint and lifted her face to look at me. At which point I went to town licking her face while she giggled, laughed, and spluttered. When the only tension I felt in her was humor, I said, "whine. Whine. Bark, bark. Growl. Bark." She opened her mouth to say something, then broke down giggling again. I nosed her back up, planted a slobbery lick up the side of her face from her jawline to her forehead. "Whine. Bark. Growl, growl, woof, bark. Bork!"


    Right about then my Kitten proved her absolute domination of all things smart related by translating from Maximum Goofy Idiot to Saffron, and if the sorrow hiding in her didn''t lessen, something else rose to shore it up, contain it, hold it back for as long as she needed it. "Tabitha?"


    "Woof?"


    "Goof..." the slightest note of warning entered her voice.


    I, of course, ignored the shit out of that, because have you been paying attention? "Bark?"


    "Dog," she deadpanned.


    "Yip, yip, yip!"


    Somehow, even lying naked with her face covered in slobber and the faint remains of tear tracks, she managed to look regal. Imperious, even. "Listen well then, dog, for your Imperator commands you now. The Undead in Calverton and the rulers of Norfolk have become as thorns in my side. Without endangering our Citizens or besmirching the honor of our Alliance..." she trailed off, staring into my eyes, expectant.


    "Bork?"


    Her Grin could have routed the fucking Spartans. If they weren''t, y''know, Arse-worshipping idiots. Which makes them sound way cooler than they are, because I''m cool and I am absolutely a devout follower of Adonitology. "Your Imperator Commands you, Most Beloved and Implacable Attack Dog. Neutralize. Them."


    I crushed her to me. "Pant. Pant. Yip." Then I stopped fucking around with words and gave in to my inner Attack Dog and growled. Hard. To the point where her wheezing, giggling laugher vibrated in tune with it. When she stopped laughing, my voice hoarse, I whispered, "I will absolutely fuck them up so hard they will wind up in low earth orbit, Kitten."


    That got another round of giggles out of her, until she finally said, "thank you, Goof. Thank you."


    "Any time, Kitten. But for right now... you''re in class, aren''t you?"


    Her eyes got super-shifty and she said, "maybe?"


    "Yeah, what''ve you told them about why I''m not with you?"


    She shrugged. "I said you had a wardrobe malfunction and would be along once Marie sorted you out."


    "Fuck it, we''ve both already passed that class. Right the fuck now you''re gonna tell Doc that you haven''t been feeling entirely well, and that you''re going back here to rest for the morning, and we''ll go to the Infirmary if any of us aren''t ready to come back to class after lunch."


    "I am?"


    "Yes. You are. Because that is absolutely a Command from your Goddess, who declares you need at least four hours being squished under a pile of purring Goddesses. Marie? Menace? Get on in here, we''ve got to purr this little Kitten into the closest thing she can get to a state of utter bliss until, y''know, I deal with that shit down south."


    I didn''t really even need to finish the sentence. At ''get on in here'', both of them aborted their preparation for the day and headed toward us. Marie moving with her usual grace, Menace bounding across the floor practically on all fours before pouncing through the doorway to land atop the two of us.


    I don''t know if we really managed to get her anywhere near that whole ''non-thought'' state, especially since I figured she was still keeping the Alliance from grinding to a Undead Jotnar induced halt, not to mention occasionally seeing a flicker of one of her floating Spell coding screens from the other room, but by mid-morning the her we''d made into the filling in a family burrito had gone completely limp, smiling and purring her own self.


    Sometime after that she sighed. It could have been sad, or maybe frustrated, but mostly it came out amused. You know the worst part?


    I haven''t heard the worst part yet?


    A giggle jiggled her against me enough to feel it even through the ongoing purr fest. Oh, I''m exaggerating for humorous effect, because if you haven''t solved the problem, you''ve certainly abolished my earlier sorrow. Also, you might actually think this is the worst part, since the other you can solve through application of sanctioned, nay, adored violence.


    I tried not to tense up, either in anticipation of going utterly ham on not one but two cities, or in nervousness at whatever she was about to tell me about. Go on?


    I woke totally prepared to toy with you regarding my activities once I''d put the rest of you to bed last night. Then I saw what I believed to be the two of you about to engage in some adorably sweet antics and rather doubled down on things to tell you. Only to discover after that, well. You know the rest.


    I snuggled into her, both to maybe hide my tension and to definitely let her know that I completely understood how her Awesome Plan of Antic Amplification had been ruined. Well fuck. Totally spoiled that. Dammit.


    Oh, no, love. Not spoiled. Definitely spiced well enough to keep for later. But not now.


    Yeah. not now. I grinned into her hair. My wife best wife.


    No, you.


    I''m still not sure if telling Cadet Smith why her obnoxious efforts to monopolize our time during the afternoon session failed to harsh our mellow so utterly would have been worse than not telling her.


    Don''t give a fuck, either.

 Day Two Hundred And Ninety-One

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, sometimes I forget exactly how good a teacher duBois can be; I might get pissy and consider cancelling plan ''duBois Retirement Sexcapade'' now and then, but on the whole, the man has earned his Gold Retirement Watch many times over.


    For those of you wondering if I ever actually think about anything but sex, the answer is ''I multitask, but if you reviewed the full task list there''s probably at least one sex-related item on there at all times''. It''s a zero calorie, zero cost hobby, and there are no free online video games here.


    So yesterday in Advanced Mana Shaping Cadet Smith came back and monopolized both Saffron and I. Okay, that''s not exactly fair. More Cadets than just Smith were trying to work up a Mana Blade that used Mortal levels of Mana to get its Blade on. Thing is, where I''d heard Saffron cut somebody off in Advanced Healing during the Smite discussions, she hadn''t done that to Karen. My poor Goof brain figured out some time halfway through the afternoon session that the only reason she would let Smith keep asking the same question, or asking for me to extrude and retract identical Mana Blades over and over and over was because she wasn''t.


    Just because I couldn''t really grok the difference in her questions or requests, and even Doc Roberts was giving Karen the stink eye, didn''t mean my Kitten didn''t see a difference.


    As I extruded my gajillionth Mana Blade of the day, this one from my ring finger on my right hand, I asked, "Hey Kitten?"


    "Yes, Tabitha?" She sounded a little distracted, and I couldn''t for the life of me tell if her clock cycles were going to careful examination of my Blade, watching Karen like a hawk as she examined my ring finger Blade, or something else, like reinventing Global Inspect from absolute scratch, or rebuilding the entire infrastructure and society of the tri-state area and beyond.


    "Cadet Smith hasn''t been asking the same question over and over again, has she?"


    I had no idea precisely what I''d done, but I counted it as an absolute win when suddenly not-distracted Kitten smiled up at me, giving me little tingles and a wash of Happy Brain Chemicals at the same time Smith glowered at me, looking like she half wanted to test her latest Mana Blade attempt on me. "Of course I haven''t been! Whether I like either of you or not, I recognize your time is a valuable resource, and won''t waste it."


    Saffron tilted her head away from me, turning to Cadet Smith like she was about to light into her, but instead her smile went from admiration to serene calm. "I understand your iterative approach is, in fact, valid, if indicative of a lack of inspiration or mathematical ability, so I''ve not cut you off as I had the folks going in circles on the Smite project. However, Tabitha has been patiently humoring your requests without that understanding, but simply due to her generous nature. In my considered opinion, the least you can do is maintain a friendly professional demeanor."


    "Why should I play silly political games with the two of you? I''m trying to advance Phileo''s interests by turning the most potent offensive spell ever seen into something usable by more than a short handful of people." After a short pause she continued, "and make meaningful improvements to it while I''m doing so."


    I think Saffron''s been hanging with Sister Siobhan, because she totally managed that beneficent smile Siobhan does so well. "First, the Alliance''s interests are Phileo''s interests now. Oh, I know there will always be petty differences between merchants, social circles, and the mean concerns of lesser Deities, but you are developing a weapon. Weapons are used by Heroes and the military, both of whom fall under my jurisdiction. The military in its entirety, the Heroes whenever leaving their local City. But any weapon you develop? Will ultimately benefit the entire Alliance."


    "Second? Those ''silly political games'' you so despise? I''m currently playing one which, should I win? Will end with every child born in the Alliance living to see adulthood. If weapons and military power are all you can see? Think on how many Volunteers will be ready to march when the population of Phileo outpaces that of New Amsterdam. I know complex math hurts your head, but even you can see that if only one in a thousand has the talent and drive to become a Hero, then multiplying the population by ten means ten times as many Heroes."


    Karen cut in with a grumpy, "we''ll still be limited by charter to five hundred."


    "Yes, Phileo will. If I am successful, Camden Yards will be similarly limited, as will Newark, and with those three Cities all applying pressure to the ''political games'', New Amsterdam and Calverton will limit themselves likewise. But since you seem to be limiting your horizons to Phileo, which of course it is your right to do? Ten times as many qualified Candidates means that the Academy, instead of taking in every Candidate willing to step forward? Will be able to limit their selection to the best one out of every ten, instead of the best of every two the Phileo City Heroic Academy currently accepts. Even you, with your limited mathematical talent, can understand how that will affect the power of our individual Heroes of that generation, not to mention the ones after, where even more Candidates will apply?"


    "My arithmetic is without flaw, Aetos," Cadet Smith hissed. Somehow despite her totally disrespecting my Kitten, I couldn''t get worked up about it. Probably something to do with Saffron sitting there, utterly unperturbed, like a garden variety toddler was threatening to punch her in the shin.


    She smiled and let out a small, benevolent sigh. "Archmage Aetos-Diaz, if you insist on referring to me that way. I''d almost considered suggesting you just call me ''Saffron'', since I can respect your dedication to your work and cause. But I''m afraid as Imperator I''m obligated to play ''political games'' enough that I can''t just ignore it when your disrespect becomes too blatant. All that aside, I''ve been trying to think of a way to tell you this discreetly, but your arithmetic is not the problem, it''s the fact that you think arithmetic is in any way going to be sufficient to calculate the proper Shape for the Mana Ward you intend to add to your Mana Blade. Which is a brilliant idea, by the way, but in order to stand the slightest chance of developing a reliable shape, you''ll need to learn Geometry, Trigonometry, Variable Equations, and Mor-Mimic Calculations."


    At any other time I might have been crowing and laughing at how Cadet Smith''s face just kinda went from arrogant bitch to vaguely worried socially awkward nerd to woman utterly lost at sea, but just then I couldn''t be arsed. After spending the morning in a purring pile of peace, I just let her whole schtick wash over, through, and past me without it affecting me in the slightest.


    "That... You..." I saw the moment she realized that to the best of Smith''s own understanding, my Kitten was right. I mean, of course she was, because ''Saffron equals correct'' is Just Science. But then she had to fuck it up again by barking out, "those last two aren''t even proper Maths. You''re just making them up."


    Saffron just leaned further into her whole ''enlightened guru speaking to a talented yet ignorant young student'' role. "Study of Variable Equations is required for any Archmagi who wish to calculate their own Shapes rather than praying to some Deity or another for the tricky bits. I doubt many who are not Archmagi know it. Frankly, I''d posit that any Mana Shaping Researcher who understands Variable Equations is only a Patron with Mana away from joining the ranks of the Archmagi." At that point her serene visage froze into a hard mask for an eyeblink, leaving me thinking I''d imagined that shit. "As for Mor-Mimic Calculations, I learned that branch of Mathematics from the Weyland Smith, who agreed that naming it after my Patron and her Pantheon was, indeed, the most appropriate choice."


    Everybody in the class just kinda stared at my Kitten with expressions between amusement at how thoroughly she''d shut Cadet Karen fucking Smith down to growing horror at how she''d just dropped not one but two ''nobody says that name'' Names into casual conversation.


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    Gotta hand it to Smith. She rallied and said, "so, are you telling me you''ll no longer assist me with my Project?"


    Kitten cocked her head and replied, "no longer assist you? Why would I do that? I''ve simply spent the morning calculating roughly how long your iterative approach will take before you are likely to see results, and offered you a faster path to success. But I do admire your determination." She took hold of my arm and snuggled herself into me. Kitten boobs soft and warm, Tabitha likey. "I''m fond of such, even. So do go on. With your generous donation to my wife''s academic success? Neither of us has anything better to do than help the rest of you, and I really do think your project is the most ambitious and well thought out of any of the Mana Blade Projects in our class." She turned to me. "Unless you''ve grown too bored, please do continue to assist her, love?"


    Holy shit, Kitten. I''d slow clap, but I think they''d take it the wrong way. You must really feel some kinda way about Cadet Smith here.


    She just smiled serenely up at me. Why do you say that?


    You took a break from your personal research back in class just to school her here.


    Her smile got wider, with maybe the tiniest measure of sauciness added to it. Oh, hardly. I''ve simply had to deal with Ophelia Orange in a similar manner so often that, much to my chagrin? I''ve now developed ''Verbal Beatdown'' as a Skill. Similarly, if with far less embarrassment, I''ve also earned ''Lecture''.


    I couldn''t help it, I just smiled at her, affection sloshing through me like some kind of sweet alcohol. High Priestess?


    Yes, My Goddess?


    I am prouder of you than I know how to say. You get a Boon.


    My Kitten was so cute when she blushed. What Boon, My Goddess?


    Haven''t decided yet. Probably a good idea for you to think of something before I get bored, though, or you''re liable to wind up with something stupid like ''Spontaneous Hourly Overwhelming Orgasms'', ''Random Radius Clothing Reduction'', or maybe ''Guaranteed Goofy Giggle Fits''.


    She got the cutest little pout on her face. How long do I have to think of something?


    I shrugged. Dunno. Till I get bored. The next moment a pair of us sat on the edge of our bed, and she whipped a leg over to straddle my lap, her lips seeking mine like a missile in heat. Is this distractionary Canoodling?


    I felt her lips curve against mine. Absolutely.


    I smiled back into her mouth, realizing that both of us had the same silly smiles on our faces in class as Karen stuttered out her next Mana Blade request. Oh Priestess Blessed above all others, your Goddess heartily approves.


    You''re just looking for an excuse to drop another Boon of questionable utility or sanity upon me.


    Guilty as charged. Good thing I''m so easy to distract, huh?


    I spent the rest of the day seeing how often I could get Saffron to break into giggles hard enough to interrupt her Canoodling. Either the one on the bed with me, the one on the roof with me, or the one hiding in the Library with me. Seriously, my wife is best wife, and absolutely knows how to utterly captivate my terminally ADHD ass.


    After two solid hours of triple canoodling? I felt so utterly at peace with the world I was willing to bet I could calm the tits off an enraged Canada Goose two falls out of three.


    Mimic''s triple cycle of stargazing, not seeing Dommy Mommy, realizing you saw Dommy Mommy by not seeing Dommy Mommy, hiding under herself, forgetting why she was hiding, and flopping around to stargaze? Utterly incapable of harshing my calm.


    The following day I still felt absolutely loose when we hit Combat Training. Walked out to where duBois waited for me in the middle of the Yard, draped around Saffron like a big old Goofy shawl, nibbling at her ear while she tried to explain whatever the fuck ''Mor-Mimic Calculations'' were. "You know something, Kitten?" I asked the fourth time I managed to get her to trail off mid-sentence.


    "What''s that?" she purred.


    "I think Bonnie''s got the right idea. I''m just gonna pretend to be a perpetually horny article of your clothing from now on."


    I might have said that a little louder than I''d intended. Like, y''know, ''out loud'' in the first place. Marshal duBois snorted, then burst out in a brief bout of laughter. "Is that why his letters back here lately have gotten a little disjointed?"


    I snorted. "Letters? Shit, he probably writes those in private. Which means she doesn''t have to give even the token fuck about propriety she does in public. If she''s not straight up crawling under his desk, I''m thinking he''s dictating them to her while she sits on his lap." The loosey-goosey no thought that had collapsed into stream of consciousness bullshit then blurted out, "heh. Dick-tate," then started snickering.


    Fortunately, all else aside, my inner twelve year old and duBois'' shared the same sophomoric sense of humor. "That''d explain the hearts dotting his ''I''s, at least." After the two of us got our mutual snicker on, with Saffron adjusting where my hands draped over her so she could nuzzle the side of my face, he sighed and said, "in all seriousness, though, we''ll probably hear back about which ship you''re going to duel for within a week or two at most, so I''m gonna try and get you as ready as I can to fuck those big bastards up."


    Without really thinking about it, I Co-Located to drape myself over him as well. "Okie dokie! Ready to get my shit wrecking learn on, Marshall." I wanted to shout that, but the best I could do was a kind of self-satisfied smirk in auditory form.


    What followed was a morning of him demonstrating various submission holds on me. Or trying to. Some time like an hour before lunch he growled out, "dammit, Diaz! You can''t just noodle your way out of every submission hold I show you!"


    As I went absolutely limp, probably limper than really humanly possible, and blorped down onto the pavers, I said, "not with that attitude." Then I Mana Bladed his left pinky toe off for like the two dozenth time today.


    "FUCK! Why my pinkie toe?"


    ''Cause I''m gonna bang you on every piece of furniture in your room?


    Tabitha!


    Okay, Kitten. You''re right. ''Cause WE''RE gonna bang you on every piece of furniture in your room.


    She snorted as she once again blasted his toe back into place without moving from her tailor seat twenty feet away. She did it one handed, too, her other hand stroking her Tabitha-shawl. My wife best wife, eternal Zen headpats achieved.


    Right around lunch, when he was about to give up on teaching me to wrestle when I''d somehow achieved a state of fuck-vacuum enlightenment, I had a thought. "Hey Marshall? The biggest Jotnar down there are like a hundred and twenty feet tall, right?"


    "Thereabouts, yeah."


    "And the really dangerous Duelists are the Jotnar, right?"


    He shrugged. "There are a couple exceptions, but if you can beat all the Jotnar you''ll be left with like one or two non-Jotnar duelists in that tier. Also, the really big Jotnar aren''t the best duelists. Tallest you''re likely to face in a Duel is sixty feet. The hundred twenty feet guys aren''t Duelists, you''ll fuck them over, harder and faster than anybody in Norfolk will believe.


    "Okay, that''s even better. Loki Powers Activate!" Then I Mimicked the size of my own left boot recursively until I stood about six inches tall. Looking up at him from below, I piped out, "oh, yeah, it''s all coming together. This is gonna be some good fucking training!"


    We spent the rest of the day sparring like that; up to a dozen pint sized mes doing my best to get him to give, while he stomped, backhanded, and otherwise Attack-on-Titaned me to death in dozens of splattery ways. Hurt like a bitch, but somehow I managed to retain my calm throughout. Okay, no real trick to that; a pair of Saffron and I had infiltrated each of the Equipment sheds and the basement storage rooms, and between those six pairs and the three pairs in yesterday''s hidey holes, even being stomped into paste couldn''t piss me off. I mean, hurt like a bitch? Oh, hell to the yes. Did I respond by jabbing him in each ass cheek with inch long Mana Blades, not to mention yet again lopping off his left pinkie toe? I mean, we were full contact sparring, right?


    Right about when the sun dipped below the wall around the Yard, he stepped back, waved me off, then stretched himself backward until his elbows hit the pavers, crackling like rice crispies as he did so, then straightening with a huge sigh of relief. "Weird, but I think this is probably better training than the grappling I''d been doing with you. Not like they''re gonna try to do anything fancier than just picking you up and squashing you anyhow."


    I collapsed all the various Co-Located mes and Saffrons into the pair lounging beside where the Marshall and I had sparred, the pair in our otherwise empty bedroom, who I silently declared our dedicated Antics-having pair for the evening, the now normal sized one of me holding out a hand to him, and one final pint sized me on my own shoulder. "Yeah. Good spar, Sir. Thanks!"


    He took my hand, pulled me into a quick back-slapping embrace, then stepped back. "Glad to help you out, Diaz." Then he sighed, looking just the slightest bit melancholy. "I kinda know how Leonard feels, you know."


    "How so, sir?"


    "I still have tricks that you don''t, and stuff to teach you. And I will. But..." he trailed off and heaved another sigh. "Hell of a thing to find a prot¨¦g¨¦ after at least a decade of looking, only to have her outgrow me in less than a year."


    "D''aww. Sir. That''s so sweet." I stepped up and pulled him into a hug. A chaste one, even. One that people who didn''t know my wife''s burgeoning obsession with getting me to livestream Happenings into her brain would even consider chaste. Then I stepped back, tapped my forehead in the World''s Sloppiest Salute, then finally, as I collapsed almost all of us back to the pair exploring how kinky chaste activities could get in the bedroom, called out, "oh, yeah, just so I don''t forget..."


    I swear I heard it even through our room''s soundproofing. "WHY MY FUCKING PINKIE TOE!?!"

 Day Two Hundred And Ninety-Two

    Dear Diary,


    Like the man says, life comes at you fast sometimes; if you''re not paying attention you could miss it.


    Not like my life is presently low key enough for anybody to let me miss the major beats. Or beatdowns. But you get my point, I think. Pay attention to the shit going on around you, don''t get wrapped up in your own head, even when you''re putting a lot of time into self-improvement. Like, mental or emotional self-improvement. Because it''s easy to get lost in the sauce doing that, lemme tell you.


    So yesterday practiced my anti-Jotnar moves by playing the Jaegers to duBois'' Titan, only in a format that let him not stick his foot into the Library by accident trying to squish me into the cracks between the pavers. Despite doing that all afternoon I never actually lost my shit and went raging killbot on him. Hell, other than some inch-long Mana Blade pokes into his thick muscles and fatty bits just to make sure I could tag him, and maybe a little bit of flirtatious left pinkie toe lopping off, I didn''t even hurt him much at all. When I poked him in the eyes I didn''t even use a weapon, I just punched him hard enough for him to blink and swear a bunch. I didn''t even punch him in the balls once.


    I don''t care what he says about me Mana Blading him straight up main street, I did not miss his glutes even once. Even the time he dropped his fat ass to the pavers and sat on me.


    Got home at the end of the evening, and after absorbing the last mini-me, Saffron and I experimented with no-thought antics. Okay, I did. She''s got some kind of philosophical objection to it. I''m not complaining, mind you, because my tiny genius choosing to calculate maximization of all possible impacts of her carnal worship of your girl Tabitha? I literally lack the brains or words to adequately describe how over the top awesome that is. But my go-to is embarrassingly close to Cadet Smith''s research methods. Y''know, ''does this work? no? how about this? This? That''s good? Okay, I''ll keep doing that. How about I add this?'' until one or both of us pops off like a Thanksgiving turkey''s built in timer.


    Yeah, there are definitely days, like all the ones ending in ''y'', where I''m glad my wife''s hot buttons are clearly labelled and do pop up when attention is required.


    So yeah, I think that shit hit so hard Mimic felt it, because we spent the night staring at... I''m not sure. The side of a rock? A bit of a puddle that leaked out of the lake? Shit, I dunno, but there was none of the fear or even curiosity that she''d had every night lately.


    Woke up to Thanksgiving morning. Pie spice everywhere, and I was the filling in the fuzzy family pile pie. I swear at some point Saffron''s going to figure out a way to get as fuzzy as the rest of us.


    Not unless you wish it, My Goddess.


    I mean, I get plenty of ''what it''s like to do it with a fuzzy chick'' from Marie, so no pressure, but why not?


    Her lips curved into a smile that I felt against my fuzzy clavicle. I like the feel of your fur on my bare skin. Most especially you and our Maenad, love.


    I think I get why, but not Menace?


    Because despite how I adore the literal warm fuzzy feelings that engenders? My tiny body cannot contain the lust rubbing your silken fur all over me generates.


    What about Marie?


    She nipped at my nip, because despite our inability to do anything with Isnomi snoring draped across our collective legs, she was definitely feeling feisty. That was a plural you. Hopefully soonish. She froze, then vibrated with excitement. No! Wait! That''s it exactly! My Boon, My Goddess! I am ready to request it!


    Name it, Princess Priestess Magic Math Miko Kinky Kitten Chan!


    That got her. She froze, giggling for like a full minute, repeating that name back in fits and starts. Eventually she leaned the side of her head against my chest and thought I would like Marie to be able to Co-Locate like us.


    I gotta admit, that hit a weird combination of ways. All the kinky, of course, but also, y''know, I wanted my sweet little Kitten to get an utterly selfish indulgent Boon, like a woman-portable magical invisible Sybian with built in poker face induction for boring meetings, but I''d said and meant anything, and if she wanted, y''know, to be practical and above all fairness enhancing with her Boon, I sure as shit wasn''t gonna tell her no about her being a better person than me. As you wish, most beloved Priestess. It is done.


    I felt her Grin into my chest. I will not lie to my Goddess and say that the practical considerations bypassed my notice. But to ease your troubled mind regarding my initial and still core intent following the spirit of my Goddess'' deep intent...


    She Co-Located us to our copy room in the Library. All three of us. The table groaned a little, but that tough little bastard of a piece of furniture didn''t break, or even bend in the slightest. Marie tensed up, then flowed off the table with the weirdest look on her face. Meanwhile Saffron spun herself up and around into a sitting position, glaring at the door as Glowing Midnight flickered around her for an instant. After that instant of ''this door displeases me, it''s casting a shadow on my pool'', the door and doorway straight up stopped existing, replaced by a blank section of wall. "Marie? Please retrieve the most decadent bed available in storage?"


    Marie''s expression got even weirder, then she managed a wicked savage grin and blinked out of the room. Meanwhile Saffron hopped off the table, stepped aside, and gave me a look. Because I''m not an idiot and am developing a surprising knack for antic-related hints from Saffron, I rolled off the table, grabbing it with the same motion and whipping it around to lean against one wall of the room, leaving the floor clear except for the two chairs. Saffron grabbed those, dragged them over to the table, put them against the underside of the table, then plopped her ass down in one. She nodded at the other one, so of course I hopped into her lap and wriggled my fuzzy ass until her eyes crossed.


    Then Marie arrived and turned our copy room into a bed room. Like, if we wanted to do ''standing next to the bed'' shit, it was gonna be the foot of the bed, because this big fucker filled the whole damn room. At that point I blinked and said, "Wait, did you just steal a room? You stole this room."


    She just snorted at me, proving the worth of duBois'' training methods by standing up with me and taking the one not very long step to the foot of the bed before dumping me onto it. "How the fuck do you steal a room?" Then she looked up at Marie, who had an absolute ''I''ve got the weirdest boner right now'' look on her face, and also was dressing in Isnomi''s room while she lay in the family puddle purring her damn fool tits off. "I will be deeply disappointed in the two of you if you do not figure out a way to cover every inch of me with warm fuzz by the end of the day."


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    Yeah, kinda funny, her first use of her new Boon, not to mention her uncle''s room, was one where she absolutely went for the ''utterly passive object to be used'' route, while still somehow being the target of our mutual efforts at lady pleasing.


    Of course, with two people with functioning brains now able to Co-Locate, even I wound up picking up on some of the more practical uses of that shit. Which is how all three of us wound up putting our uniforms on in the other room while Saffron sat at her desk, already deep into hacking the world to better suit her needs. Right about then the Menace stirred. She interrupted her own morning boot-up taste testing the world when her eyes shot open, she hopped off the bed and stood on tiptoes to open the connecting door. She froze for an endless instant, then vibrated against the floor in an ongoing squee that spun her around to look at the three of us still lounging on the bed. Who were lounging there because when it comes to sybaritic knowledge Marie might be smarter than Saffron, and she twigged to the absolute need to use one Co-Located group for constant cuddle puddle instantly.


    Isnomi didn''t, like, turn in any kind of normal way. Just vibrated with excitement against the floor so hard that she oscillated like a fan between looking at us-getting-dressed and us-cuddle-puddle.


    Then she turned her puppy-dog eyes on me. Fortunately, somehow the weird yet completely me m¨¦lange of cuddle puddle, stolen room antics, and amusedly watching overwhelmed Isnomi while dressing gave me the Mom Mode Fortitude to say, "not until you''re thirteen, Menace." When her lower lip stuck out, I said, "this is non-negotiable, but if you''re a Big Girl about it I''ll try to explain?"


    She took a deep breath, stopped her vibration oscillation, and walked over to the me who''d been dressing. She took me by the hand, led me to her little bed, set me down on it, then stood in front of me and said. "Ah Tay. Thplain."


    Before I did I threw my arms around her and drew her into a hug. "I''m so proud of you, Isnomi." Then I held her back out where we could look one another in the eye. "There are a couple reasons, kiddo. First, you are absolutely a handful to Mom. That''s not a complaint! I love that you''re so eager and imaginative and utterly unafraid of anything. But that means that Mom, Marie, and I can barely keep up with one of you. If there were two of you? I am absolutely certain one of you, more than one of us, and probably some of your little friends like Theresa and Terrance and Liam would wind up getting hurt." Her brows drew down and I said, "I don''t think you''d mean to, Menace. I don''t think I''ve ever seen you mean to hurt anyone. Not really. Oh, you were sure as shit ready to when I had you guard all the kids at Lancaster House. But... that''s maybe the rest of it. There are things I don''t want you to learn yet. Learning them hurts, and if I gave you this, you would absolutely learn them sooner than later." Her mulish look shifted toward curiosity, and I interrupted her musing with, "do you trust Mama, Isnomi?"


    That took her by surprise. "Yeth?"


    "Really, really trust me?"


    She nodded, decisive as only my kid could be. "Yeth."


    "Okay then. I know you''re gonna learn some of the shit I''m talking about. You''re way too much like me to ever be all you could be if you didn''t. But... some things you learn hurt, and if you learn them too young? They twist you. Twist you in ways that keep you from being the best Menace you can be. Like they twisted me. Mom, and Marie, and Grampa Loki are helping me get my shit un-twisted, but really, I don''t want you to have to waste your precious Menace time with shit like that."


    Grandpa Loki?


    Am I wrong?


    No...


    Complaints?


    I heard his little boy grin in my head. Not a damn one, Tabitha Diaz.


    "So you trust me, and don''t try to do this or trick me into showing you how, and when you are thirteen I will absolutely show you. If you still need me to, you clever little scamp. Okay?"


    She smiled, sniffed the air, and though her smile got a little sad for some reason, she stepped up to me and hugged me. "Ah tay, Mama. I no do thad."


    "Now for the really hard part for you, Menace?" When she looked at me with all the curiosity mixed with more than a little side eye, I said, "deciding what you want to do with who today."


    That bought all of us like a minute of Menace.exe failure due to stack overflow or some shit, during which the Saffron at her desk slowly spun her chair around, leaned an elbow on her desk and her face on her palm. She smiled at me, and then up at me from where another of me sat in one of the chairs in her stolen room. "I cannot grant you Boons, my Goddess, but you will accept my Worship as reward for such fine Momming."


    Shit, I''m not dumb enough to not realize I''m too dumb to argue with her when I don''t want to.


    Eventually Menace decided she wanted Marie to take her visiting for the day. They didn''t set an itinerary or anything, but I figured all three grandparents, not to mention her posse in Lancaster territory would all get visits before the day was done.


    The four of us wandered down to breakfast, and Marie and I fed Menace and Saffron dry and sloppily syruped corncakes respectively. Then, after hugs and kisses from all three of us, because somehow our little scamp managed to wrangle ''good bye hugs and kisses'' out of the one of us going with her, the two of them left on their day of cute visiting rampages. Saffron and I headed up to the Practice Yard, only to find Marie sitting there in a chair next to Saffron''s fuck you to reality door doing her needlework. I smiled at her wanting to just be in the room with us, because I totally got it, but some newly awoken sense of responsibility or some shit like that said, "I love having you here, but don''t you have, like, work to do today, sweetie?"


    She looked up at me, smiled the kind of smug smile that only felines can pull off, said, "Yes." in the multi-syllable way you say it to someone being an idiot, then gave the me performing a duet with Saffron as our instrument of choice a very pointed reminder of exactly how much I''d just removed that limiter for her.


    I smiled at her and said, "you actually like the whole Maiding thing as much as sitting here lounging around watching us, don''t you?"


    Her hand lashed out, snagged my jacket, and pulled me to her until her mouth rested by my ear, then breathed, "Maybe." Then she spun me around and slapped me on the ass to get me moving.


    Saffron and I ran for the day. Well, I ran, doing endless sprinted laps around the perimeter of the Yard while the red jackets on the obstacle course occasionally cheered or taunted me in passing. All in good fun. Saffron spent part of the day sprinting alongside me, her feet moving even faster than mine to make up for fun-sized legs. The rest of the time she made my workout just a little better in every sense by clinging to my arms, my shoulders, sometimes even my legs, frequently all at the same time. I''m not sure, because I wanted to focus on making one of me go as fast as I could as long as I could, but based on the shadows and some of the cheering, I think a few times multiple Saffrons on my shoulders were doing acrobatics. Like the shit coordinated water skiers would do, like forming Saffron pyramids balanced on my sprinting shoulders.


    Pretty sure the biggest of those tumbled off as I bounced around a turn, but like I said, that me focused entirely on must go fast. To be fair, ''focused'' is probably a mediocre term for it at best, since by the end of the first lap I didn''t need to pay attention on the straightaways, and by the third or fourth I had the wall bounce turn pattern down as well. Let me focus on the important things, like appreciating my High Priestess'' Worship, even if that pretty much wrapped up after an hour or so when she got jonesing for her research again. She made to disperse that one of me along with that one of her, but instead I bounced that me back to lounge on Marie''s bed and watch my Kitten at work. Also let me focus on obeying my Imperator''s implicit commands regarding Compleat Fuzzy Engulfment.


    Speaking of Imperator''s commands, right before lunch the Saffron on my shoulders condensed herself down to one, leapt off in front of me and stood there, one hand held out imperiously for me to stop. I hit the brakes hard, but still wound up tackling her, taking the hard impacts of rolling a few more meters, then bounced us both back to our feet. "What''s up, Kitten?"


    "General Lancaster has confirmed his scouts'' reports. We have a list of ships and their owners for you to target." She smiled up at me, wreathed in Glowing Midnight, then pitching her soprano to carry its piping, prim message across the Practice Yard, said, "it is time, Champion of the Alliance Imperator. Attack dog?" I grinned at her, maybe letting my tongue loll out a bit. "Time to fuck shit up."


    "Woof! Woof! Yip! GROWL!"

 Day Two Hundred And Ninety-Three

    Dear Diary,


    I don''t know how many of me I can keep going at once, I don''t know how many of me I''ll need to beat whatever the assorted Jotnar jackasses in Norfolk try to stop me from getting my ship on, and I''m really not sanguine about the prospect of actively trying to violate some Jotnar with scores of Mana Blades while doing lazy warm fuzzy things with my family, or even moreso doing delicate hot equally fuzzy things with two particular members of that family.


    Which means, me being me, until the ball drops on Jotnar-flaying day, I''m not gonna spend a single waking second when I''m not both snuggled with one or more of my family in one or more locations, not to mention seeing if I can convince Marie and Saffron to indulge in passive-me antics with two of me while one of me does the same with one of each of them. Because I will absolutely work my goddamned ass off like only a hyper focused bitch can do in order to keep my family safe, even moreso when whatever I''m doing has a side order of making the world a better place. But when I have the opportunity, I''m going to play just as hard.


    Wait, wait, wait, Saffron?


    Yes, Tabitha?


    Can you ask Marie to set up a picnic for the four of us out on the back lawn?


    That''s a lovely idea. Certainly, dear. I''ll let you know when it''s scheduled to start.


    I didn''t say all that hard play would be hardcore play. I mean, yeah, me, so some of it sure as shit will, but not all of it.


    So yesterday after Imperator Kitten Sexypaws gave me my Mauling Orders, she and I hopped up to the building with the rock in it. "Hey, Kitten?"


    Saffron, collapsing back to just one of herself in the room, smiled indulgently while holding up a hand to pause Ophelia''s latest verbal diarrhea, and said, "yes, love?"


    "What do you guys call this place? Oh, and are you gonna keep meeting here? ''Cause eventually you''re probably gonna want shit like offices for Attach¨¦s and Adjutants and Assorted Assholes, too."


    She nodded to me and said, "the Alliance Army refers to it as the ''Command Center'', although on official correspondence with non-Allied Cities we''ve taken to referring to it as the ''Grand Council Chambers''. I''ve already begun plans to expand the building to allow not only for those offices you referred to, but also for more Grand Councilpersons to meet, not to mention having enough seats to allow each Grand Councilperson to have staff with them in the room."


    At that point Ophelia screeched out, "I did not vote in favor of such an expenditure! When did the Council approve this?"


    I opened my mouth to tear her unwanted ass a new hole, but froze when Saffron lay a hand on my forearm. She swiveled her gaze to land on the latest head of the House of Orange, who had the situational awareness to shut her fuckin'' mouth. "In order to avoid wasting this Council''s valuable time on discussions so abstract they could never possibly come to any meaningful conclusion, I have been spending my own free time working on architectural drawings. When I have completed them to my satisfaction, and only then, it is my intent to bring them before the Council, at which time we can discuss changes, whether minor, major, or wholesale recreation of the plans. I trust that meets with your approval. Grand Councilwoman Orange?"


    Ophelia''s mouth worked a moment. Her voice waspy as fuck, she snapped out, "how can we be sure these plans of yours won''t result in a structure doomed to collapse the moment it''s completed?"


    Saffron bowed her head infinitesimally, but more to the side than to Ophelia bloody Orange. "That is a legitimate concern, and of course I would be perfectly happy should any or all of the persons on this Council at that time to employ architects and experts in construction to review the plans. In fact, I myself will insist on having them reviewed at the Army''s expense as well. Thank you, Councilwoman Orange."


    That seemed to take most of the wind out of Ophelia''s sails, but I couldn''t help but mutter, "bark. Bark bark, growl."


    Lancaster turned to me, raised an eyebrow, and said, "did you say something, Champion?"


    I shrugged. "Eh, just wondering if you guys have a moment to give me my list of targets down in Norfolk."


    Lancaster winced, but when Ophelia, George, and Momma Driver turned to look at him, said, "a purely military matter the Imperator bid me assist in. Norfolk has positioned themselves to severely hamper our ability to deal with the situation in Calverton, but Champion Diaz volunteered to deal with the situation in a manner unlikely to provoke a war, while still allowing our Expedition to Calverton City the best possible chances of success."


    Momma Driver weren''t nobody''s fool; she frowned and said, "before you go any further, what exactly have you told Tabitha to do?"


    I held up a hand to forestall Big Poppa Lancaster and said, "this shit wouldn''t go down anywhere in the Alliance, because we''re all civilized and shit, but apparently if you say the right words and, I dunno, fill out the right paperwork and shit? In Norfolk it''s legal to kill rich people and take their shit."


    As Ophelia blanched, then went positively pale as George and Momma driver both head tilted, then glanced speculatively at her, Lancaster shook his head. For what it''s worth, he looked totally fine with that interpretation of Norfolk Law. I''m guessing anybody who had the personal power to object to being killed and having their shit taken would have a different opinion on the matter than Temu.com Princess Peach. "Champion Diaz is part Vanir. This provides the slimmest of legal arguments for her to challenge a Norfolk Jarl to trial by combat to determine which of them is rightful owner of an item of property."


    Momma Driver looked over at me. Somehow she managed to hit me with serious doubtful side-eye even while looking straight at me. "Surely they''ll object to that?"


    In my best J.K. Simmons voice, which wasn''t really all that good, but fuck it, none of them had ever seen Spider Man, I said, "that''s the great part! If they object? I demand Trial By Combat to determine if my bullshit is, in fact, legal bullshit or not."


    George shook his head, and on his face I saw the face of every person I''d ever seen back in Camden who had a morally fine, but legally shaky plan to somehow make the city just a little less shitty for the people living there. "I dunno. Won''t they just get pissed and send troops... after..." He wound down as with every word, my grin stretched a little wider. By the time he said ''troops'', I''d gone full on Loki Bullshit Activate and felt the corners of my lips touching my earlobes. He barked out a half hysterical laugh, then said, "holy fuck. Holy fuck, is this what it''s like to have you on our side?" Before I could say anything, hell before I could even nod, he frowned and shook his head. "No. I can''t. I can''t agree with you doing what you did to our Levies to all those poor bastards down in Norfolk."


    "The term is Thralls, Councilman."


    I nodded to Lenny. "Thanks, General Lancaster." Then I turned back to George. "Hey, I''ve grown as a person since then, George. I dunno if I''ve ever said this in front of you, but I still kinda regret what I did to the Levies at the Walls. I mean, everybody with more brains than me tells me I had to, or they''d have dropped into full on rape and pillage mode, but I still feel guilty about it. Thing is? Down there, with just me and maybe, maybe one or two other people who can fuck the fuck off and not be in danger in range of Norfolk''s ''Thralls''? At that point, assuming you guys approve, or I leave before you can tell me no, or I just decide fuck it I''ll do my time afterward while basking in the adoring gaze of every conscription aged poor person in the Alliance? If they send in the Thralls to, y''know, ''arrest'' me or some shit? I''m just gonna start killing Jarls until they come to their senses."


    Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work!


    He blinked at that, and I Co-Located to a half dozen places around the room, all of them out of reach of the guards at the front doors, then Translocated those six of me around the room in an endless merry-go-round of me, which by the way is not only my new band name, but definitely gonna wind up being the next over the top naked antic I pull on Saffron. "Yeah, ain''t no way any number of Thralls is gonna be able to catch me, so the Jarl options will be, ''die fighting'' for a value of fighting that equates to getting fuckin'' executed, ''run away'', for a period of time measured in single digit heartbeats until I catch them and kill them, or maybe just neutralize the fuck out of their self-mobility if they lose bowel or bladder control and I think it''s funnier to let them lie in it, and, ''surrender and / or loudly agree that my considered legal opinion is correct''."


    He still looked kinda iffy, so I collapsed back to one of me, at least here in this building, and said, "look, George, there''s two important things for you to realize here. First, from a legal standpoint, you guys are clear on this. It''s a really blatant covert military op that the Imperator ordered me to do after I bribed her to order me to do it. Okay?"


    He looked a little head-tilty wrapping his brain around ''blatant covert military op'', but nodded and said, "yeah. And?"


    "From everything I''ve heard and read so far, the Jarls? Are rich violent bastards who all agree that Trial by Combat is Best Trial. They''re like him," I nodded to Lancaster, "without the brains or class, or her," a nod to Ophelia, "without her scintillating personality. You gonna tell me you''d get big mad about somebody like that dying from terminal stupid?"


    He looked at Lancaster, who stood doing his best stoic, which was pretty fuckin'' good, then at Ophelia, who apparently seemed to take my sarcastic comment as an actual compliment, shook his head the tiniest bit, then said, "but..."


    I stepped over to him, lay a hand on his bicep, and in my best ''big step-sister who''s trying to help you, and might just get stuck in the dryer if you take your head out of your ass long enough'' voice, said, "look, George, you''re a good man. I get it. I respect it, even, trying to do the right thing even to rich entitled assholes who, if they didn''t enslave you or kill you out of hand, would have fun seeing how long they could torture you before you died. You''re a better man than them. Probably a better man than me." I looked down, shoved my tits out with my biceps, then looked back up at him with a teasing grin, all of that hammed up to eleven so his brain would think I was joking even if his dick didn''t agree. "Okay, not hard to be a better man than me really, but still, tell you what. I promise you, cross my heart, pinkie promise, that before I kill any given Jarl or Duelist to death, I will give them the option to surrender peacefully, and if I can I''ll do my best to neutralize them non-lethally. Non-cripplingly if I can manage it, which I''m pretty sure I can do with most Thralls." I paused for a five count, then asked, "you good with that?"


    He shot me a wry smile and said, "were you gonna do all that anyway?"


    I leaned in and stage whispered, "I''ll Mana-Blade catheter any historian who tries to say I was, since I''ve obviously been swayed by your pure heart and clearly morally superior position."


    Tabitha dear?


    Yeah, Imperator Sexypaws?


    I''m fairly certain Councilman Papadopoulos has just become incapable of responding to the offer made by the way you said that last word. If you''re going to Just Happen to him, please spirit him away first, so the rest of us can get some work done.


    Pfft. George? Nah, he... I froze, my eyes still pointed in George''s direction. Well. Fuck. Apparently along with the nerd fetish you dumped on me I''ve got a thing for people with actual, y''know, morals and values and shit.


    You say that like you regret it for some reason?


    Do you know how much harder it is to figure all that shit out? Fifteen years of ''nice hair: check, big dick: check, spread legs'', and now I''ve got to, like, actually listen to what they''re saying? Fuck.


    Laughing inside my head, the Imperator turned to Councilman Papadopoulos. "So, Councilman, do you wish to make this a Council issue, or shall it remain a military operation for the time being?"


    Looking way more sheepish than he ought, George shook his head. "No, no, I''m good with things to remain as they are for now. I, ah, formally request an after action report be delivered to the Grand Council after any covert operations in the future though."


    "Completely fair, and likely wise." She turned to Lenny. "General Lancaster? Would you be so kind as to review the scouts'' report with Tabitha outside, so we may continue?"


    "Certainly, Imperator."


    We walked outside, he turned to me and handed me a piece of paper. "Six ships. Each a Battleship owned by one of the major Jarls of Norfolk. That would be six of the eight Battleships in their present Order of Battle."


    As I scanned the list of names, I asked, "you think I should just get one, or try for more?"


    He shrugged. "If you take one, it will be a nominal defense for our transports. If you take two, it will take at least three Jarls to contest passage, since we will be two coordinated ships facing three independent ones."


    "They don''t work well together, huh? Oh, or the King coming after us. Like, ''oh, I''m not the King, I''m just Biggest Jarl doing a little raiding with my two biggest warships''"


    He looked at the sky for a moment, his lips moving. "Just when I find myself accepting that you are nothing but an attack dog, thankfully under the nominal control of our Imperator, you say something insightful."


    "Meh. Don''t get your panties in a bunch. Probably just random mouth noises that sound like something smart."


    "My panties are far too well tailored to bunch up in combat, let alone speaking with you, Champion Diaz."


    I froze, then turned to look him in the eye. His poker face told me nothing, and I choked out, "shit, was... Was that a joke? Are you okay? Do you need to go lie down?"


    Without twitching he replied, "you will never know any of those things."


    I just let myself laugh at that. "Okay, okay, I''m not such an arrogant bitch that I can''t give you the double-u on that. You think I should just take all six?"


    He rolled his eyes. "It would give us a three to one numeric advantage. But at that point you might as well just take all eight and be done with it. Have you chosen your first target?"


    Something about the way he said that made me realize he knew which one I''d picked and why the moment I saw it. "Yep. Odin''s Pride. Totally gonna take that bitch and rename her toot sweet."


    "You realize I am, in fact, still a High Priest of Odin?"


    I waved a dismissive hand at him. "Eh, don''t worry about it. If one-eye gets cranky, just tell him something like," I puffed out my cheeks and did my best diamond crushing anus impression, "the ship was unworthy of being named in your honor, Sire." Then I smiled up at him and said, "I''ll be sure to have the Imperator keep you in the loop." Before he could reply, I stepped back to Isnomi''s bedroom. "Hey, Kitten?"


    She slid her Spell Coding windows out of the way and said, "yes, Goof?"


    "Have you got that list of assignments from Law and Custom?" She turned, pulled it out of her desk drawer, and handed it to me. I took a look and said, "you mind helping me write a couple letters tomorrow?"


    "Tabitha Diaz! Are you suggesting I do your assignment for you? The very thought, that I would perform such an act of Academic dishonesty!" I stood there, jaw hanging open for a minute, until the Grin snuck onto her face. "Without offering me bribes sufficient to make Aphrodite and Fafnir alike to faint from blushing."


    "Oh!" I paused a sec. "I''ll get you a Battleship!"


    She rolled her eyes. "You were going to do that anyway."


    "I''ll get you six Battleships!"


    She Grinned up at me. "Like you won''t keep one for yourself to ride into battle like some kind of crazed warrior queen."


    "Yeah, prolly. Ooh! Seven Battleships, a Jotnar femur, and a City?"


    Her Grin melted into something a little less hungry, a little more fond. "You''d give me your Jotnar femur?"


    I shrugged. "Most of the big bastards have two, right?"


    Her face fell, disappointment clear. "Battleships. Cities. Excess femurs. You realize who you''re speaking to, correct?"


    "Uh, Kitten Imperator Saffron Sexypaws Aetos-Diaz?"


    I saw me using her hyphenated name work that warm fuzzy magic in her, but the Grin would not be denied. "I''m sorry, who are you talking to again?"


    Hey, if I know what game I''m playing, I''m gonna play the fuck out of it. "Oh! Right! Imperator Kitten Saffie-kin Sexypaws Nakedcooch Aetos-Diaz, I am your faithful Attack Dog! Woof woof!"


    I watched the Grin twist momentarily until she realized that I had, in fact, banished everything but her shirt, which hung open with its ties braided and dangling out of reach behind her ass. She looked up at me, the Grin barely keeping itself together through the laughter that leaked through it. "What''s. My. Name?"


    Which is totally how I wound up handing in six different variations on the assignment to ''write a Diplomatic Letter to a member of the Ruling Faction of a City other than your City of Origin'' at the end of Law and Custom today.

 Day Two Hundred And Ninety-Four

    Dear Diary,


    Definitely gotta remember that while confidence is part of ''being my best self'', there''s definitely some lines I don''t want to cross, like going full on arrogant, hubris, or god forbid sloppy.


    Seriously, as I''ve been planning this Norfolk trip out in my head, I keep thinking ''this is gonna be a challenge''. The part where hubris comes in is that I''m not thinking about ''killing a sixty foot guy who specializes on one on one combat''. I''m thinking about not losing my shit in a bad way. I''m not thrilled about this part of myself, but I''m sorta looking forward to killing the fuck out of some big dude whose whole thing is enabling dictators. Not ''stopping his evil actions'', but killing the fuck out of him, watching him shit himself in terror before the light winks out in what''s left of his eyes, then carving his corpse up for goofy mementos of my Norfolk visit.


    But there''s a difference between ''killing a killer who fellates fash'' and ''going berserk and offing the slowest ten percent of the population''. George definitely made me feel some kinda way standing up to me and calling me on my murderous bullshit, but the thing is, he''s right. Sometimes my beat to shit moral compass needs somebody to give it a good hard whack to get the needle unstuck, and frankly, while I love my little family to pieces, I think Loki''s too subtle, Sigyn''s too kind, and the rest find my full on murderous beast mode rampage hilarious, hot, or some combination thereof.


    Okay, oddly enough I think Conrad is so un-invested in my sloppy croppy that he might be both able and not unwilling to call me on it, but I''m pretty sure it would be a chore for him. Like, ''folding the laundry'' tier chore. Nothing nasty, very few things that are actually difficult, but unless your thing is domesticity, just a vaguely easy time sink.


    So it looks like George gets to be my ''did I push shit too far'' of last resort. Gotta tell him that at some point. Preferably in a relatively private setting, so Ophelia and Lancaster don''t get the idea they can cat''s paw him to manipulate me, but one where Just Happening won''t be happening, because despite my lady bits'' inexplicable salivation on detecting a Man with Morals, that really would screw with the whole conversation.


    At any rate, got extra credit for doing not one, but six different diplomatic letters to dudes down in Norfolk. "Hey, Doc?"


    Doctor DeLeon looked up from where he''d been reviewing the letters. "Yes, Tabitha?"


    "Those letters... are they, like, legal and shit? I mean, based on what you know about Norfolk''s laws, if I walked up and handed Jarl Karlson that one addressed to him, would he have to duel me? If he lost, would he have to give me his ship?"


    Doc DeLeon got a considering look, then shuffled through, reread the letter in question, then looked up at me, nodding his head side to side. "Technically, yes, if he accepted the duel and lost, you would be the legal owner of his ship."


    "You say that like there''s a but."


    He chuckled a little. "You''ve grown. I''m proud of you, and thrilled that I might have played some small part. You never reliably noticed subtleties."


    I shrugged. "Hey, subtle isn''t my thing. Butts, though? I always notice butts."


    That got him. After he chuckled a bit he said, "from a purely legalistic standpoint, the wording of this, should he lose the duel, he would forfeit not just the Odin''s Pride, but all of his property. Lands, structures, ships, Thralls. All of it."


    "Wait. Thralls are slaves?" When he nodded, I muttered, "okay, guilt-meter about killing the shit out of these fucks just dropped by an order of magnitude." Then I asked, "anything else I oughta know? ''Cause I really think I''m missing something important. More than one something, probably."


    He nodded. "First, the Gormsson dynasty has established and encouraged a policy not too far from ''might makes right''. Frankly, if you can prove you have Aesir blood, that might as well be the whole of the law. If you are Vanir or Jotnar, you might need to impress the right people to prevent them from sending an army of Thralls to put you down, but still, all those old barbaric phrases like ''you keep what you kill'' or ''you have what you hold'' might as well be enshrined in written law in Norfolk."


    "And second?"


    Doc DeLeon nodded, then said, "Gregor Gormsson, current King of Norfolk, is particularly fond of keeping his Jarls at one another''s throats. I''m not sure if he worries that if he doesn''t, they''ll turn on him, or if he just enjoys the carnage. Either way, you can expect him to favor the winner of any Duel or Trial by Combat. Jarl Karlson, on the other hand, is shrewd for a man who by all accounts is an old school berserk on the battlefield. He''s likely to just deny your letter or ignore it."


    I nodded. "So I''ll need copies." When he raised an eyebrow, I explained, "One to him. One here for our records. One to drop in King Gregor''s lap. Another one to hand Jarl Karlson when he rips up the first one. Another one to hand him when he burns that one. Another couple to hand out to folks in his throne room or wherever the fuck he plants his ass. Maybe a couple more so he gets the idea that when it comes to ''destroying the letter'', he''s gonna lose because I can literally do that shit all day."


    "Tabitha?"


    "Yeah, Doc?"


    "Is it your plan to anger Jarl Karlson to the point where he accepts your challenge?"


    I gave him the old shifty-eyes and said, "maybe?"


    He just smiled and said, "frankly? It''s more likely to succeed than anything else I can think of. So the plan the Marshall had me review is going to go forward?"


    I put a finger to my lips. "Shh. Don''t tell them I told you."


    "Worried we might get in trouble?"


    "Nah. Worried they might make me make more of a plan than this."


    With that I stepped back to our rooms for the night. Did a little more ongoing bribery with Saffron before the Menace got home, then all four of us piled onto Marie''s bed, because despite the weird Ward-based climate control going on at the Academy, our ceiling was basically just under the Academy''s roof, and we had one long exterior wall with two windows, which meant by the end of the day our room got a little warm. Not baking sweaty hot, but I kinda wished we could open our windows and get a little breeze. Might have to talk with my boy Conrad about that, if it isn''t too mundane for him.


    Mimic dreamt of everything everywhere turning to negative space as Domnu got really serious about looking for whatever she wanted to find. Mimic froze, but Domnu''s gaze passed over and through and past her, eventually settling on the midden heap to the south. With a voice made of moments of silence, she muttered, "where? Where are you? I know you''re here."


    Not copacetic making, lemme tell you, but it put me a little on edge when I woke up, which considering my plans for the day was probably a Good Thing.


    Got to class, and after Isnomi leapt for Doc Z, I intercepted Doc Glass as he approached Marie. "Hey, Doc. No Soul stretching sampling today."


    "Will I offend her if I ask why?"


    I shook my head. "Nope, but you''ll confuse her, since I''m the one making the call for my favorite Concubine. She was down for two days after last week. Like, face down on the floor immobile."


    He blanched and turned to Marie, "forgive me, Maenad Marie. I had no idea."


    She''d been staring at me with an odd mix of affection and annoyance since I intercepted Doc, but she looked at him and muttered, "De Nada."


    He turned back to me, a little confused, and I said, "yeah, she''s not unwilling to give it another go on a later date, and a lot of why it took so much out of her is that she''s a little out of practice? But I want her to have a full two weeks of down time before she does that again."


    He nodded. "That sounds eminently fair." He turned to her. "I will do my best to pay attention not just to the Souls of those you extract for us to observe, but also to your own, if you don''t find that too presumptuous." When she gave the tiniest headshake, he turned back to me. "It would be ill done to overwork our expert when she''s so generously volunteering her time." He turned to the rest of the class, "in the meanwhile, we can work on Healing and Divinatory Shapes based on what we observed for the past two weeks."


    So while Saffron, Smith, Siobhan, and some of the class worked to refine Smite into something they felt confident teaching folks heading to Calverton, and Docs Glass and Zeccardi worked with the others working on Shapes that would let them look at or manipulate Souls. Really kind of cool seeing doctors, the guys who back where I''m from had the reputation of being the natural enemies of reapers the world over, working with a Psychopomp to find ways to heal people. Even if, in the background, my sweet Saffron worked to weaponize the Ultimate Healing Spell.


    At Noon Marie arrived with lunch. At first I got a little weirded by nobody commenting on two Maries, but after a minute I realized that the only people in the room who could tell her apart from the other Maenads also already knew she could Co-Locate. After Marie helped Marie hand out everybody else''s lunch, Saffron stepped over to Doctor Zeccardi, held out her arms for Isnomi, and said, "unless you and your husband would like to join us for lunch out on the back lawn?" He looked at Doc Glass, who shrugged and nodded. Saffron got everyone to join hands and stepped all of us down to the back lawn, where Marie and Marie set up a whole picnic. I quickly realized why my Kitten wasn''t worried about having enough food; Marie had absolutely overloaded her cart.


    Hey, Boss?


    Yes?


    You and Sigyn wanna join us for a picnic?


    We''re kind of in the middle of the daily torture someone committed me to?


    I giggled, hoping it made it to his brain. Well you''ll just have to wait for her to get back to finish. I got a couple things I need to talk to you about anyway.


    Aren''t I supposed to be the one in charge here? Being the Patron and Mentor and all?


    Oh, shit. Did I slip up and clue you in to reality? Sorry Boss.


    His laughter rang out over the rolling hills behind the Academy. I got to watch as Sigyn, wearing nothing but her boots with assorted undergarments, the fuck-me-now skirt she and Saffron had whipped up, and an oversized Academy blouse tied in the front, had a whole series of unhidden, unbidden emotions stream across her face right in front of Gods and everybody. First surprise at being outside, especially since with the light breeze off the river it might have been a mite nippy out. Nipply, even. Then the tiniest flash of embarrassment when she realized she stood in front of a few men she hadn''t met, followed by more surprise as Docs Glass and Zeccardi both looked more like they envied her the ability to pull off that outfit. Kinda agreed with them there, honestly. Then she realized that every eye looking at her had some flavor of envy, awe, or desire.


    This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.


    Then she met Loki''s gaze, saw his smile. A smile that said without words, ''she chose me, she stayed with me, she refused to go when I offered to release her, this one is mine and mine alone by her own choice, and no other honor will ever measure up to that simple fact. Mortals and Gods alike, behold my wife in all her glory!''


    I mean, I dunno if anybody else would get it? But I sure as shit could relate. ''My chick bad'', after all.


    With that, pride and affection overwhelmed every other emotion on her face. "You did that on purpose, husband."


    "I did."


    "Why?"


    "Because it would be a crime against all that is good in this world to hide such beauty away in a cave forevermore. Do not mistake me, I treasure our moments together there, each and every one. But you, standing here like this? A moment to etch your greater Glory into the eyes of all who see it."


    She simpered at him, only half faking it. "Would you have me be Freya, then? Or Aphrodite?"


    Gotta hand it to the Boss, his confused ''huh?'' look was absolutely on point. "Who? Are these names of people too ugly for me to recognize or remember after looking upon you even once?"


    That got her. After a final stretch and pose that prompted the faint ringing of somebody dropping a hammer on the Academy''s back porch, she folded herself into Loki''s lap and we all tucked into the food. Doc Glass got the weirdest look on his face when Sigyn and Loki showed up, and after his first couple bites of the finger sandwiches Marie had brought out, snorted and said, "I''m having lunch with two... no, three Gods."


    "Goddess." Intoned Marie.


    He snorted. "Like that matters a great deal to Joe and I. I''m not sure whether to feel honored, or like peasants invited to the lord''s feast."


    "Our daughter asked us to share this picnic with you, Steven Glass, Doctor of Healing. I am glad she did, for having looked upon you and your spouse, watched you even eating this simple meal, I realize that if anyone deserves my blessing, it is the two of you. Never fear to call upon Sigyn, Doctor Glass. Not because of your learning, nor your endless passion for healing. But because much as every warrior who takes the field lends some Glory to Ares? Any as devoted as the two of you cannot help but Glorify marital devotion. I would never have thought to say this before our daughter adopted us, but I owe you both a debt, one that I would not think to deny repayment should you ask it."


    When Doc Z smiled and put his arm around Doc Glass, and Doc Glass just kinda sat there with his mouth dropped open, Loki leaned in and said, "she''s quite passionate about devoted loving married couples. In case you hadn''t noticed."


    Everybody laughed at that, although Menace also giggled out, "Siggy siwwy."


    When everything settled, the Docs looking a lot less uptight after Sigyn''s declaration and Loki''s joke, I said, "hey, Boss?"


    "Yes, Tabitha Diaz?"


    "I gotta head down to Norfolk. Think I''m gonna need your backup, ''cause I don''t think they''re gonna take my word for it that I''ve got a little Vanir in me." After a second where everybody else all sniggered, I rolled my eyes and said, "think I need you to scry me a destination too, if you don''t mind?"


    He shrugged. "Of course, daughter." He pushed himself to his feet while remaining seated with Sigyn in his lap, then motioned toward the river. "Walk with me?" I spread hugs and kisses as appropriate, then walked down to the riverbank with him. "You cannot scry out the destination on your own?"


    I shrugged. "Dunno anything but the dude''s name, and with needing your backup anyway, figured you could take a minute to do shit that might take me all day, if I could even pull it off."


    He nodded, and when he reached the river, shoved one foot into the mud next to the bank until the depression filled with water. "His name?"


    "Jarl Karlson of Norfolk." He nodded, and after a few Shaping passes, I saw a guy sitting in a big old fashioned wood and leather throne. He even had one leg up over one arm of the chair, reminding me totally of somebody I''d never had the stones to off back when I was a gamer. Or maybe he was an un-killable NPC? Anyway, I gave Loki a side hug and said, "Thanks, Boss. You''re the best."


    I know. His voice echoed through my head as I stepped like two long arms lengths in front of Jarl Karlson.


    I pulled a folded, sealed letter from the waist of The Dress, then in my most nasally bitch voice called out, "I gotta letter here for a Mister Garl Karlson?" I looked around the room, taking in the two big ugly scaled fuckers behind the Jarl, each holding a pole arm three times my height, the benches to either side of the room where guys in armor sat staring in shock at the crazy woman in the red dress who''d just popped up like some kind of UPS hooker, and the dozen or so scrawny guys with spears out by the door. I stepped over to the scrawniest of them and handed him the letter. "Garl Karlson?" Before he even started shaking his head, I stepped over to the ugliest of the Viking looking dudes on the bench. "Garl Karlson?" I dropped the letter I''d just pulled out of the back of The Dress'' nekkid side boot into his lap, stepping to the big lizardman lookin'' dudes with the halberds as I pulled out another one. Each of me held out a letter to one of them. "Garl? Are you Garl Karlson? Am I getting it right? Is it Garl Garlson? Garl Jarlson, maybe?" When neither of them moved, I tucked a letter into their loincloths and stepped back to the middle of the room.


    As I cupped my hands around my mouth to holler again, the Jarl barked out, "I am the Jarl!"


    I did a double take, like I hadn''t seen him there, then stepped up with another copy of the letter. I only had a few more tucked back there; I didn''t expect quite so many bystanders. I handed him the letter, dropping it into his hand and making him juggle it as I said, "Here you go, Jarl." I pretended to chew some gum while he stared at the letter like I''d dropped a turd in his hand, then, as he lifted it to break the seal, asked, "what kinda name is Garl, anyhow?"


    "Jarl is my title, not my name."


    "Oh! Okay, I get it." I waited while he scanned the letter, his already impatient face growing angrier with each line. "Oh, hey, Karl, I didn''t ask, but you can read it okay, right?"


    He glared up at me. "I am not a freeman, whore."


    My hand flew in front of my mouth as I gasped. "Oh, shit, you''re a Thrall? That''s gotta suck. Are you keeping the seat warm for somebody then?"


    He crushed the letter, managing to rip it as he did so, dropping the mangled paper to the ground. "I. Am not. A Thrall. Whore."


    I bounced forward, another copy of the letter dropping into his hands before I bounced back. "Okay, chill, chill, I figured with you being a whore and keeping the seat warm and all you were a Thrall. Good on you, I don''t approve of slavery."


    This time he crushed the letter and threw it at one of the big hearths midway along the side walls of the room. "How dare you call me a whore, slut!"


    I pulled another copy of the letter and flicked it at him. "Oh, hey, do you think I''m a whore or a slut?" I stopped, putting a finger to my lower lip, biting the tip as I looked at the ceiling. "I mean, I normally think of myself as a slut, but I guess you''re right, I totally do some transactional shit with my wife on the regular. But really, that''s more a game than anything serious, I can''t think of anything I wouldn''t fucking do for her, and that goes double for any fucking thing, so it''s not like she has to pay me. So I guess I''m really more of a slut? But no, I can''t be, because sluts do unchaste shit, right? And I keep looking for ways to do unchaste shit with my wife, but our vows were really pretty loosey goosey on the whole fidelity thing, so it''s hard, y''know?"


    At this point I heard nothing but a low growl and endlessly crinkling paper from the chair in front of me. I glanced down at him and asked, "Is it?"


    "Is. It. What?"


    Doing my best throaty ''my holes need filling'' voice, I replied, "hard?"


    "THRALLS! TAKE THIS WHORE FROM MY HALL! I care not what you do with her, so long as she can''t walk back in."


    I grinned at him, and a dozen tiny mes in a dozen tiny Dresses sloppily lopped the Thralls'' pinkie toes off, then hopped back to me. Right pinkies, because I was Neutralizing them, not flirting. As they dropped their weapons and followed them to the floor screaming, bleeding all over the fucking floor underneath them, I turned to the Jarl and asked, "oh, hey, sorry, you guys do that ''everything belongs to the King, and he''s just loaning it out to you, right?" Before he could reply I followed up with, "so, like, if Gregor Gormsson showed up right here and said, ''give me my Thralls'', you''d hand all those toeless fucks over, right?"


    Jarl looked the tiniest bit spooked, like he half expected Gregor to show up. "Yes?"


    "Eh. Close enough." I stepped over to the biggest blood puddle, tossed a Scry into it aimed at King Gregor Gormsson, owner of the karma for this big pile of slave blood. The moment I saw his face, I Co-Located in front of him. I copied my last remaining letter as I did, handing him one and screaming, "Speedy Delivery for Kang Gargle Gormless from Jarl Karlson!" into his face before collapsing back into myself.


    At that point I realized the implication of what I''d just done, stepped back to my spot in front of the Jarl, and screamed, "FUCK!" When they blinked, I said, "I spent three fuckin'' days handwriting books when I could have been fucking. FUCK!"


    He motioned to the lizard dudes behind him. "Take her."


    As they stepped toward me, I said, "Ooh! Spit roast or sandwich? Kinky as fuck either way, no matter what you''ve got in your scaly cloacas. But sorry to lead you on with all the, y''know, fucking screaming fuck. I got work to do, so..." I Co-Located to both of their flanks, and the four of me behind them took both arms off of each of them just below the shoulder, then collapsed back into me. Then I blinked as the screaming bastards dropped to their knees. Not at the knee dropping, that seemed pretty standard for losing your arms and your right pinkie toe. But at the tiny stumps that writhed out of the stumps of their arms. I mean, like three grains of rice and a lima bean extruded then kinda stalled as they screamed in pain, but I''m used to Mana Bladed extremities just kinda sizzling, not growing back.


    "What in Odin''s name?" the Jarl wheezed out.


    "I know, right? That shit really shouldn''t be growing back."


    I heard benches scrape behind me, but the two of me who Co-Located behind the two scaly dudes and wreathed themselves in Mana Blades confirmed that the Warriors in the room had, one and all, just taken a big fuckin'' step back.


    "What the fuck are you?"


    I extruded an arm thick Mana Blade from each wrist, slowly for maximum snap hiss crackle. "The fuck you just ask me, Garl?"


    "Who..."


    "Better." I vanished the Blades, and sashayed a few steps up to him. "I''m Tabitha Diaz. I gotta lotta hats, a lotta titles, but I''m gonna set all of them aside right now, because I don''t want you or Georg fucking with any of my people..."


    No the fuck you will not, Daughter.


    Aw... shucks. Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    "Okay, I''ve been informed under no circumstances am I to fail to inform you that I''m Champion Tabitha Diaz. Loki''s Champion, in this case. Although my wife recently called me Champion, but that might just have been for my puissant pussy pleasing powers. I got that good good, baby." I paused, and as his mouth opened, cut him off. "Shit, sorry, think I''m feeling a little..." I popped Mana Blades out everywhere they wouldn''t damage The Dress or her boots. Got maybe a little bit of a surprise as Mana Blades popped out of the knees and toes of her Boots too, but I had no time to puzzle that shit out now, because I couldn''t let this fucker get his feet under him. In my best Michael Keaton growl, I said, "Anxious," and strutted toward the Jarl doing some pelvic thrusts to highlight the utterly egregious Mana Blade poking out of my crotch. Kinda directly at his face, because fuck this slaveowning rape ordering douchebag.


    I took a deep breath, barely keeping up the rocking motion of my hips that oscillated my phallic Mana Blade toward his exposed everything millimeter by millimeter. "Anyway, I''m here to lay my claim to, well, all your shit. So like the letter says, meet me on the field of honor tomorrow, at which point I will wreck all of your shit I don''t want." I put one forefinger to my lower lip, ignoring the sizzle from the stubby Mana Blade coming out of my fingertip. "Y''know, that''s pretty much just you, now that I think about it." I took a deep breath, then gagged. "You. Blech. I''m sure you can''t not know this, but you reek, my dude. Wait, no, you''re not my dude yet, not till I''m done with you tomorrow, at which point you won''t be anybody''s dude. More ''my fertilizer''. Oh, shit, that half sounds like I''m gonna use you to..." I paused, gulping. "Sorry, threw up in my mouth a little bit."


    He opened his mouth and I cut him off again. "OH SHIT! I forgot. My friend George made me promise. If you surrender now? Or hell, he might want me to... Okay, if you surrender at any point before the Duel officially starts? I won''t kill you. Hell, I won''t even hurt you. I mean, at that point I guess I''ll own you and shit, but I don''t support slavery, so after I have my Maenad give you a thorough bath, delousing, deworming, and maybe a shave, since I can''t see your cucumber patch being anything less than a matted tangle of smegma and shit, and it''d be nicer to her to have her cut that off instead of trying to clean it, so once she''s done that? I''ll manumit you. And if you''re super polite about it, when I exile you it''ll be under your own power instead of me yeeting you as far East as I can."


    Won''t that kill him?


    Eh. I''ll yeet at a really low angle, and I''m sure he can swim and shit. Hell, I''ll even put a life jacket on him before I do.


    A what?


    Of course right then the Jarl found his voice. Something about me still doing a really shitty Time Warp within easy crotch spearing distance of him seemed to keep his voice down to a commanding bellow rather than a berserk scream. "By what right do you claim my property, whore?"


    I shrugged, trying to remember the proper steps to the Time Warp. "Eh. I''m part Vanir. If you''re really, really, really into cosplaying a giant dildo I''m claiming the right to Trial By Combat to parlay my Vanir Vajayjay into the right to Duel you and take your shit."


    "You? Vanir?" He barked out the shittiest fake laugh in the history of fake laughs. "A likely story."


    "Hey Boss?"


    Before the word finished coming out of my mouth, a wave of cool air washed across me from behind and to the side. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his feet settle to the floor as he stretched to his full twenty-foot height, perfect hair almost brushing the ceiling. His voice filled the room as he announced, "I am Loki, son of Laufey. This woman is my Champion, Tabitha Diaz. As Mortals reckon such things, she is Vanir by blood. She is Jotnar by adoption as my Daughter. She is Aesir by right of conquest from Odin himself."


    The Jarl just sat there, mouth working, while every jaw in the room dropped. Then Loki leaned forward, one hand going around my shoulders, his face close enough to the Jarl that the poor douchebag''s hair blew backwards when Loki stage whispered at him.


    "And your choices, for I would not deny my Daughter her right to give you them? You may face her on the field tomorrow, or tell Odin that the ship you named for him? Now belongs to my Daughter."

 Day Two Hundred And Ninety-Five

    Dear Diary,


    Holy. Shitballs. On. Toast.


    I mean, if this is the ultimate result of working to be my Best Self? Sign me the fuck up. I will accept all the issues of this subscription. My inner Chaos Gremlin won''t stop screaming about this shit.


    Okay, so after Loki confirmed that I am to all appearances Vanir, not to mention apparently legally Jotnar and Aesir too, Jarl Karlson looked up at Loki, then turned to me and said, "I will see you tomorrow at midday on the Jarl''s Green."


    On the one hand, I figured if I needed it, Loki could just scry up the location of Jarl''s Green, because My God is Best God.


    I know.


    On the other, less constantly interrupted hand, I''d already shown off my Translocating every damn place skills, so they wouldn''t make much of an exit. Instead I gave him a reasonably deep bow, enough to stick my ass out a little what with The Dress'' boots and all, then spun myself around and strutted out, deliberately flaring The Dress'' skirt to see if I could piss everyone here off just a little more. Then I felt a little guilty, because walking out through the front door took us right through the mostly still writhing line of Thralls lying in a now messily merged pool of their own blood. I stepped up to them and bowed. "Nice try, boys, but this is the day you will always remember as the day you almost captured Champion Tabitha..."


    That''s about when contrary to all laws of Physics as I knew them, my foot went out from under me and I landed ass first in a pool of blood. Loki facepalmed and kept heading for the door. After having my hands and ass slide out from me once each, I managed to use the nearest Thrall''s crotch as a brace to help me kip up to my feet, at which point I spun, bowed, fixed The Dress'' northerly wardrobe malfunctions, then backed out the door my own self.


    When I caught up with him in a long general purpose room with tables pushed up against the walls, side doors leading into smaller rooms along the sides, and at least four hearths, he''d gotten his laughter under control enough that I felt like I could ignore it and launch into a rant about what really bothered me. "What the ever loving fuck, Boss? I''ve gotten traction on a blood slicked altar, on smooth and melting ice, on the side of a goddamned snow-shedding roof while it had snow on top and ice underneath, and I''m pretty sure I got traction in actual liquid mud at one point. How the fuck did I wind up on my ass in there?"


    He smiled fondly down at me, reached down and ruffled my hair with a few fingers, then booped my nose just a little harder than might be friendly. "First, and I must insist you answer this seriously, which roof?"


    "Uh... Northbridge, I think. The big building there, think it''s the inn. Did it in Southbridge too, but wasn''t thinking of that one when I said it."


    He nodded, "Fair. So, which god damned those shingles?"


    I shrugged. "I dunno. Just a phrase."


    He shook his head. "No. No it''s not. Not for us. It is a literal thing. A literal thing wherein should we say something or someone is damned of the Gods, and they aren''t already? They become so."


    I strode alongside him in silence for a little bit. "Shit. So I just fucked up some poor asshole''s roof?"


    "Indeed."


    "Well then. Guess I''ve got some roofing work to do next time I get a break, huh?"


    He nodded, looking proud for some reason, then as he opened the really big doors at the front of the hall, where a half dozen lizard-guys stood guard while totally ignoring both Loki and I, said, "your immediate impulse to set to rights that which you have wronged is commendable. However, unless you plan on doing so exclusively to allow your wife to watch you crawling around on all fours pounding on things with a hammer, blessing the roof will negate your damnation."


    I cocked my head. "Can I do that from here?"


    He made a tossing away motion. "You could indeed. However, I find that to thoroughly undo something I''ve done? I prefer every advantage. In this case, physically laying your hand on the roof in question while blessing it would give your blessing significantly more weight than your damnation."


    "Huh. Good to know." I thought for a half second before something else random popped into my mind. "Wait, I''m pretty sure I''ve called people goddamned motherfuckers before and you never said anything. What''s up with that?"


    Outside the big building we found a few others arranged in a horseshoe with the Jarl''s hall at the center. One building had a guy hammering on some metal. Another, at one tip of the horseshoe, stank of tanning chemicals, which I knew because I''d had to play cheerleader when Bonnie and Raven made the Dragonslayers'' armor. Beyond the buildings was a big open grassy area the size of a couple football fields. Fluffy little white sheep grazed in pairs and small groups dotted across it.


    Loki scanned the terrain, so I did so as well as he said, "Two reasons. First, in every instance I''ve heard you before, you were speaking of someone you would describe as a ''consummate motherfucker, in a bad way''. In the case of the Jarl, I recall you thinking something along the lines of ''ripping his prostate out through his left ear hole''. Damnation is a weapon, daughter, and sometimes an indiscriminate one. But I would hardly tell you to avoid pointing a weapon at someone you intend to violate in as many cruel and creative ways as you can."


    I nodded along. The field wasn''t squared off; closer to a flat ended oval. It also didn''t have much in the way of clearly defined boundaries. "I get that, and I get the whole ''don''t point weapons at something you don''t want gone''. I am Vulcan''s Mom, after all. Now what''s second."


    He smirked at me, "something I was tempted to Blend you out of asking about." He sighed, shaking his head, but clearly not at me this time. "I''m glad I didn''t. It would be untoward, given your own efforts at parenting, to be less than that for you."


    I shook my head. "Nah. Doesn''t work like that, Dad. When you''re Momming? You just try to do everything you do for them at least a little better than your own ''rents did for you. Then encourage your kids to pass that on. Set up a self-reinforcing cycle of improvement."


    "So wise for one so young. Are you sure you''re my daughter? Or did you just trick me into thinking so?"


    I laughed up at him. "Like father like daughter! What''s second?"


    He smiled, sighed, and said, "''Conrad'' made those boots. He made them at a time before you first called him Son, when his power stood far less than it does now." He looked me in the eye until I made a ''yeah, yeah, go on'' gesture. "Trickster Gods are often... nay, almost always Gods of Story. In some cases? Gods of Story become Trickster Gods. The overlap is impossible to deny, really. Stories gather around us. They drive us. We empower them, and when we play to them, they can overwhelm... well, even the greatest of us, it seems."


    "Stories."


    "Yes."


    "So, I''ve got to avoid stories now, or I''ll wind up living in them? Like, forced to play them out, butt of my own slapstick and shit?"


    He smiled down at me, real fondness hidden behind fake disappointment. "That is, indeed, one possibility. Or you would not be covered in blood from the neck down... wait, no, there''s some in your hair."


    I snorted, shaking my head to spray little red droplets everywhere. "One possibility. Like there''s... any... wait..." My mind raced, and I gave into the Flash Grin as it stretched my mouth and eyes wide open. "Really?" He nodded, and I squealed. "Meet me back here tomorrow?" He nodded again. "Thanks, Boss. You''re the best."


    I know.


    "Hey, Son? You around?"


    He popped up from behind me, and I gave him a big old happy Mom hug. "Hey, son? I need a couple things for tomorrow. Could you help me out?"


    "Of course, Mother. What did you need?"


    The next morning I stood at the far end of the Jarl''s Green, the tiniest bit bleary, but otherwise utterly pumped after a night of helping Conrad out, mostly with descriptions and explanations, but he also had me escort him to gather up some materials for what I wanted.


    I stood there almost alone, save for The Dress and my son''s support. Loki had overwatch, and I''d told everybody else to stay the fuck away; if this backfired, I''d deal with it. If it didn''t, I''d bring them in as I needed them. I was absolutely ready to show this rapist prick exactly what it meant to Fuck Around with Phileo.


    The front doors of the big hall swung open. First a double line of Thralls marched out, at least a few hundred. A dozen of them limped more than marching, but I''d fix that shit later. The Warriors I''d seen lounging around in the Jarl''s throne room came next, sauntering in an undisciplined crowd, followed by a single file line of lizard dudes. As they marched, they slowly spun their pole arms, and did some fancy D and C that wound up with them marching four abreast, four deep, surrounding the shorter, yet somehow more dangerous looking Jarl in their center. The thralls split off at the edge of the field, moving to surround the Green. The Warriors just kinda clumped up, taking the better spots along the edges of the Green as their spots to spectate. Finally the big lizard dudes rotated into a wedge pointing away from the Green, the Jarl standing right on the edge of the Green surrounded by his big green regenerating bodyguards.


    Fourteen of them even had full arms. The remaining two looked like a certain Merc with a Mouth when he''d recently lost some limbs.


    "You ready to do this, Jarl?"


    He threw his cloak back, doing his best ''constipated and angry about it face'' before he called out, "I do not acknowledge your right to challenge me." Before I could respond, he continued, "but I acknowledge your bloodline as declared by Lord Loki. You shall have your Trial By Combat." With that he stuck two fingers in his mouth, which gotta say impressed me with how strong his stomach must be to do that, and whistled.


    At first I thought I''d wound up on the wrong battlefield and he''d called up a Transformer or some shit, because it sure as shit looked like the goddamned Hall stood up. And up. And up. By the time it got fully to its feet, I realized that the fucking super-sized Jotnar had to have been lying behind the Hall previously. Once on his feet, he tromped his way to the Green, only taking like six long steps to get there, and one more to step over the Jarl and his scaly fuckers, coming to a rest just inside the Green. For me? The Green was an oversized stadium. For him? It was maybe the size of an open sided MMA ring, or a Sumo wrestling ring.


    The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    As I looked up, and up, and up to the hairiest nose I''d ever seen, the Jarl called out, "do you still wish to continue with this Trial? I swear that should you concede now, You will walk free before the end of day Tyrsday, after we see to you receiving your Just reward for your disrespect yesterday."


    I had a little trouble keeping my voice steady when I called out, "uh, two conditions. Oh, yeah, definitely gonna fight this, but two conditions. Well, three."


    "Who are you to dictate conditions to me?"


    "Uh, Daughter of Loki? Dude that faced down One-Eye in Loki''s cave and told him to pack his shit and go, after which he packed his remaining shit, sans Gungnir, and went? Look, fuckstick, I''ll get to you in a bit, but three conditions. One, I wanna talk to your skyscraper that walks like a man before the fight. Second, if you don''t get your ass in this ring before Big Boy here hits the ground, you forfeit, and all your shit are belong to us. Third and finally? I''mma give you a gift before we start. A service-type gift, even. You cool with all that?"


    Dipshit Karlson replied, "you would service me before you die? Well, this I certainly can''t refuse." His Warriors echoed his coarse laughter.


    Kitten? Send Marie?


    A moment later I felt the warmth of Marie''s presence heating the metal spine along my back. "Since you insist on, as noted, cosplaying a massive dick, you need the right haircut." I turned to Marie, "if you would please take care of that before you return home, Murder Mittens my marvelous Maenad?"


    She smiled down at me, leaned over and planted a kiss on my forehead, then disappeared. A second later I heard a faint sound from the far end of the Green, like someone tearing thick cardboard. I''d seen a flicker of black dress and white fur behind him for a second, but only because I''d watched for it. Big chunks of his hair fell away where she''d... hell, with how much crap he had holding his helmet hair in place, she''d basically carved it into the business end of a cock. Pretty fuckin'' impressive work, what with the pieces of his helmet still flying through the air and Marie already gone.


    Before he could do more than reach for his now phallic hairstyle, I called up to the big guy. "Hey! Tall, Fair, and Hairy! You got a name?"


    A head the size of a panel van nodded down at me, and the ground rumbled as he stepped forward and answered, "Olaf Skanson the Large. Duelist and Champion of Jarl Karlson."


    "Okay, Olaf. He payin'' you good?" He shrugged. "He paying you enough to die?" He just laughed at me, reaching into a pouch at his waist and pulling out a handful of... pebbles? Bee bees? Whatever, they looked pretty small in his hands, maybe the size of one finger joint. He flipped one to his other hand and tossed it into the air. A sound not entirely like a car accident echoed out when it hit his palm. "Okay, Olaf, here''s the deal. If you walk slowly to the halfway point, say you surrender and lie face down on the ground? You live. Hell, I''ll even honor whatever contract you''ve got with Karl Jarlson over there. Not your fault your boss is a dick."


    "If I don''t?" he thundered. Not shouting, just lungs the size of tanker trucks.


    "Then I kill you, probably in the most embarrassing way possible, vaporize the meat off your thighs, and take your femurs home as presents for my wife." I mean, shit, if I gave her both of them, neither one would be an excess one for me, right? Not like she''d chew on them or some shit. Ah hell, now I really hoped she would, and that nobody had good enough eyes to mistake my sudden intense readiness for an entirely different kind of grappling for a loss of bladder control. Fuck it, not gonna kink shame myself for getting off on killing fuckers who practically screamed, ''shoot me in the face!'' He hadn''t said anything so I called out, "just like with Jarjarl Binkson back there, you''ve got until the Duel officially starts to surrender, and then your thighs are my own personal chew toys. Got it?"


    He snorted, blowing a cone of snot across the field, making me glad I hadn''t closed with him. "Green good for you as the field?"


    I nodded, "Your utter lack of anything resembling a respectful funeral." I reached down between my legs with one hand, reaching into my nekkid side boot with the other. I held up the hand I''d palmed a pair of bright crimson panties in earlier, because if you think I was gonna take my panties off just to drop them you don''t know me well. I hadn''t been wearing any, because I was all revved up and just That Bitch. "We start when these hit the ground?" I held my hand out and let go, watching his eyes the whole time.


    Just as I heard, "what did that whore do to my hair!" from the other end of the Green, he twitched. He''d been holding a pebble between one thumb and forefinger, the rest of them cupped in his palm, but he flicked one out of his other hand with his middle finger. I Translocated just before it hammered into the ground in front of where I''d been standing, careening across the Green like an old school cannonball. Moving dozens of feet at a time, I Translocated toward him. He stepped toward me, a quick walk rather than a run, alternating between flicking stones at me with his left hand and throwing them overhand with his right. Well, for a value of ''overhand'' that was mostly wrist. When they hit the ground, the ground exploded outward like artillery had landed.


    A crash from behind me, and on my next Translocation I did a one eighty to see one of the Thralls splattered across the landscape where the first stone thrown at me had skipped across the Green to take him full in the chest. Which was by no means full any longer. "Okay, asshole, fuckstains who do collateral to the cannon fodder on their own side get special attention!" I mean, I''d kinda figured I''d be doing this, and brought along toys old and new just for it, so it''s not like he wasn''t getting special attention of the ''only that crazy bitch Tabitha could get off on this'' kind anyhow, but there''s a certain banter standard to uphold with this shit, right?


    My next Translocation spun me back to face him, maybe ten feet from his right shin. Holding the end of the braided crimson leather cord by the end with the perfect wooden loop in my left, I grabbed the end with the shiny black metal spike in my right. I called out, "okay, Jarl, fight''s over, you''d best get to getting if you''re gonna," then flung the spike directly at the big fucker''s shin. He had what looked to be a whole dead cow skin strapped across it every few feet, but ain''t no fuckin'' leather in the world what''s gonna stop a spike Conrad specifically crafted to sink into Giant bone. I ran, leapt, and used the cord to swing myself up and around Olaf''s calf. I Co-Located, handed myself the ring end, threaded the spike end of my Co-Located self''s rope dart through the loop, then collapsed into her as I threw my new spike into the back of his calf.


    He screamed and spun. Not, like, ''omigod I are deaded!'' scream. More like ''fuckin hornet bastard!'' scream. More concerning than the scream was the rock he flicked down at me.


    Mostly concerning for him, because I''d already Co-Located in front of his other leg and hammered that me''s rope dart spike into his other shin while he hopped on the leg I was putting my not very cheap awful excuses for climbing gear into, screaming and clutching at the bleeding gash where he''d shot himself in the calf with his rock.


    At that point I figured I needed to speed things up, because I''d already told Jarl that this shit was almost over. Humming ''Bad Reputation'' to myself, I Co-Located another half dozen of me around Olaf, hammering spikes into the front of his legs, the backs of his arms, his ass cheeks, until from behind he looked like he had thin streamers of blood all over him. The whole time he swatted at me, entirely ineffectually, throwing rocks every which way. I even saw one of Jarl''s lizardmen drop.


    Y''know, boss? I think duBois is right. Olaf''s gotta be a hundred feet tall, but he sucks as a Duelist.


    It appears so. Are you done playing with your food?


    EW! You think I''m eating him?


    You did intend to chew on his femur, did you not?


    Well, yeah, still do, but that''s, like, a chew toy. I''m not gonna swallow. I don''t like him that kinda way.


    With that I Translocated just out of arm''s reach of the Jarl. "Remember, you fuckstick wannabe, if you''re not on the Green by the time he hits the ground, you forfeit. And if you''re not face down in surrender, I''m gonna play ''she loves me, she loves me not'' with pieces of you until I get a result I like, then yeet the rest to the Circle with Bears in."


    As his face twisted, I pulled my other rope dart out of my boot and Translocated to the topmost wooden loop. This rope dart? One end had a wooden sphere the size of a billiard ball. The other end glowed blue. I slid that end through the first wooden loop, tossed it at the next, Translocated there to catch it and thread it through, then hopped my way down his back, loop by loop, threading my new rope dart through each and every dangling loop.


    My feet hit the ground, and I pulled my son off my back, dropping my Blend from him as I did, one hand slotting his bolt in place while I aimed him straight up Olaf''s chutney chute. "Just like we planned, son," I whispered, then called out, "Good bye, Olaf. Have fun riding to Valhalla on that itty bitty fat chick." I squeezed Vulcan''s trigger, then Translocated to within about fifty feet of the Jarl. I didn''t bother looking back; I heard the ripe meat cleaver thunk of Vulcan''s bolt violating Olaf''s Jotnar bussy, the explosive shattering of his skull, and the squelching of Vulcan''s bolt pulling Olaf''s boots out of the mud, leaving him briefly airborne all as one sound. A moment later I gently dropped my smug bastard of a son next to where I stood as an explosion blew my hair forward while he smugged at me. I didn''t bother to look back, because Cool Guys Don''t Look At Explosions. Also I needed a second to catch my breath, because once Vulcan finds a joke he likes, he will absolutely repeat that shit on every possible occasion.


    I was halfway through raising my arms to my sides in a Stark-Jericho pose, maintaining my footing as the earth shook with Olaf''s impact, still shaking hair out of my face, when the Jarl hit me. It wasn''t anything fancy. Hell, he hadn''t even drawn a weapon yet. He''d just rushed me, keeping pace with his own fucking scream, and shoulder checked me hard enough to knock me straight backwards, halfway across the Green in an absolutely flat arc. Fortunately there was something soft to cushion my impact. The ruptured asshole, atrium sized rectum, and assorted perforated bowel bits formerly belonging to Olaf.


    Olaf really needed to eat more fruit, maybe cut back on the pickles and smoked meat. Y''know, in his next life.


    I Translocated back to where the Jarl had hit me, spinning one eighty as I did, because I didn''t figure he''d stopped on a dime, letting my next gift from Conrad absorb my spin. Turns out swordstaves are actually traditional Scandinavian weapons, and adding an extra blade? Just ''improved the visual balance of the weapon'', according to Conrad.


    Oddly enough? Jarl had stopped on a dime. Or rather, stopped and faceplanted with one hand on Vulcan''s butt. I leapt in without a sound, swinging overhand and cutting that hand off mid-forearm, Translocating back out of reach before my blade even hit the ground. "NOBODY TOUCHES MY SON''S BUTT WITHOUT PERMISSION AND LIVES, BITCH!"


    With that I hopped back, spun my new toy around until I held it behind my back, cracked my neck, and growled out a falsetto, "okay you cunt. Let''s see what you can do now..."


    With a roar he sprang to his feet, shoving himself upright with one hand and one stump, coming at me with an ugly looking dagger in one hand, swinging his stump at me with the other. I danced backwards, my staff spinning, carving a slice off his stump and the pinky off his left hand as I did. "Shit, sorry, didn''t mean to get all flirty." Then he came at me in earnest, the same blinding rage-driven speed that he''d charged me driving his knife and stump at me like the worlds most fucked up perforation machine. Fuck it, he wanted berserk speed? Anybody touching any of my kids, even the evil as fuck one whose go-to prank was fuckin'' incestuous side effects, was gonna wind up coleslaw.


    "Tra la la, tra la la, la, tra la la, tra la la, la," I sang as I danced and spun and swayed away from him, my spinning sword staff slicing into him with every rotation. Blood flew. Karlson screamed with rage.


    And somehow, from somewhere, an entire fuckin'' chorus joined in with my song.


    I laughed my ass off and said, "so, you wanna play!" as while I imitated the business end of a mincing machine, drums and electric guitars joined in. Blood sprayed in an omnidirectional fountain as a voice that couldn''t have been far from Apollo''s sang about bananas. Less than two minutes later, as the song wound down and the man literally tried to worm his way forward and bite my kneecaps off, I sectioned his fuckin'' brain into deli slices.


    When he slumped down to the ground, leaving my entire body as red as The Dress, except maybe a few bits speckled white and gray, I turned to the Warriors all standing there staring at what used to be their Jarl. I amplified my voice to carry to fuckin'' everywhere in sight and shouted, "okay, anybody else doubt my ownership of whatever Jarl Coleslaw here owned until moments ago?"


    A chorus of ''no''s trickled out from everywhere except the lizard dudes, who just thumped their pole arms into the packed dirt twice, motionless otherwise. Okay, fourteen of them did, the other two just sorta clung to theirs, because babby hands don''t do pole arms well. Much better suited to crew served weapons, but try giving these primitive fucks anything like good advice.


    "I didn''t HEAR you!"


    Credit to the Thralls, I got a rousing chorus of ''no, ma''am!'' from all edges of my Green, and the Warriors at least got energetic enough I saw their lips move. Couldn''t hear them over the collective growl of the lizard men''s ''no!'' though.


    "Okay then." I slung my sword-staff across my back and fished a letter out of The Dress'' skirt side boot as I walked over to pick my smug, gleefully blood drenched son out of the mud. "Whichever one of you dumb fucks can show me where, uh," I looked at the letter, trying not to get it too blood drenched to read, "Jarl Swanson lives? Doesn''t lose his earlobes and left testicle."


    Remarkable how fast even fuckin'' barbaric fuckstain morons can move when given proper motivation.

 Day Two Hundred And Ninety-Six

    Dear Diary,


    I know I''m supposed to be working on being a better person, but how am I supposed to do that when somebody tells me I can literally amplify my own power with Memes, and then the first big power boost I get is my own fuckin'' theme music?


    The fact that those only kicked in while I was executing some poor big Jotnar bastard is not helping my whole ''be a better person and don''t become an arrogant mass murdering bitch like most of my peers'' thing. Seriously, I think my biggest challenge here and now? Is going to wind up Not Becoming A Hypocritical Bitch. Seriously, think about it. Right now I''ve met, uh, four Gods in a confrontational way. One of them blindsided me, and limped away taking an L. Another is still maimed and mad about it. The remaining two are Just Fuckin'' Dead. All concerns about arrogance, hubris, and getting sloppy in a bad way aside, if I just go around hunting Gods for sport, because I''m as much bigger than them as they are than everybody else? How am I fundamentally doing anything but adding another layer to the shit cake? Seriously, from what Loki tells me, he was dying in his cave when he picked me up, so there''s definitely a ''shit rolls downhill'' mechanic in effect, and one thing I do not want to do is just climb to the top of the hill and squat there shitting.


    Such elegant imagery.


    Oh, fuck off, Boss. You know I''m right.


    Did I say you were wrong, daughter? I simply complimented your descriptive skills.


    Oh. Okay, yeah. Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    At any rate, I want to fix shit, not just add another layer atop the pyramid of shit, since it''s always the poor fuckers at the bottom who wind up both bearing the weight of the assholes above them, not to mention living in their shit. So while I get that sometimes I need to bring the pain to some wannabe Deific dictator who won''t back down? I need to learn to apply less than final consequences on the bitches who do back down. Hell, if some of them learn? Actually turn over a new leaf? I might even need to rescind consequences. Like, I dunno, if Artemis gets her shit together and starts actually helping out instead of being the world''s second largest bitch? Starts using her powers for good? It might behoove me to give her some functional digits and something that lets her look a little less like a Fallout ghoul.


    At any rate, the moment I made my announcement? Some weird shit went down. The lizard bois all turned to one another, and by some wordless agreement all but one of them proceeded to pair up and do some impromptu body modification. The one exception wound up doing some freaky shit with the pair who still had to cling to their halberds with itty bitty baby hands. Then they formed up into a wedge pointed at me, with the one unharmed dude standing front and center while the rest bled a little, then stopped bleeding. Meanwhile? The ring of Thralls all kinda looked at the others around them, then at the lizard bois and the Warriors, then sighed and started stripping off their helmets, armored kilts and, after that, loincloths.


    The least weird, maybe worst part? The Warriors immediately went berserk. Not, like, ''coming at me to argue their impending partial emasculation'', but attacking each other. Three of them immediately took one look at each other, then leapt on one big asshole, stabbing the fuck out of him, all three continuing to stab long after I would have considered him ''thoroughly Neutralized''. The rest paired off in what looked to be an impromptu ''who gets to keep both testicles'' tournament.


    Fuck it. The Thralls just stood there waiting for violation, and the lizard bois looked like they''d given less fucks about self-violation than I would, because they apparently also belonged to the ''regenerating horror'' club. I left the Warriors to their mutual hate-off and stepped over to Olaf''s remains. After a moment stepping around examining, I got a little annoyed, pulled Vulcan out, and pointed at the remains of Olaf''s general ass region. "What the fuck, son? You knew I was saving those for Mom!" The smug bastard just smugged at me, completely unrepentant for having the final impact point and ground zero of his bolt''s energy release being Olaf''s coccyx. I mean, I don''t give a shit about a dead dude''s tailbone, but the explosion had blown most of the meat off of his ass, not to mention turning his pelvis into shattered modern art. Most pertinently? It had cracked the tops of his femurs. Not, like, snapped the balls off or anything, but if I''d had plans to turn them into giant clubs or something, they definitely didn''t have the structural integrity for that now.


    Pissed off, I slung him over my shoulder, stepped to Olaf''s knee region and used his shins to test out a couple features of my new swordstaff. First, I twisted it at the center, and it split into two sticks with sword blades sticking out of them. Then I channeled Mana into them, and the blades first glowed, then extended Mana Blades around them. I kept pouring in the Mana, and the more I poured in, the bigger they got, until I used one swipe from each to cut through the top of Olaf''s calves. That done, I stepped atop Olaf''s lower back, amplified my voice, and hollered out, "Thralls! Rally on me!"


    They all let out a collective sigh, but didn''t hesitate before jogging over to me. Okay, some of them even sprinted, I guess trying to make a good impression or something. Kinda weird, having a couple hundred dudes running at me with cocks out and not feeling some kinda way about it, but it''s not like they were threats or anything. Shit, the whole reason they were swinging free had to do with them resignedly accepting the loss of a testicle as part of the cost of staying alive. When they all were within normal ''parade ground'' speaking range, I said, "okay, We''re gonna have a few discussions when I get back, but for now? Nobody damages my property and gets away with it. You hear that?" I shouted in the direction of the lizard bois and the still brawling Warriors. The Warriors mostly ignored me, with the exception of two of the three who had taken my announcement as an excuse to eliminate one of their own. The third was nowhere to be seen; I have no idea if he''d joined the general melee, gone back to the longhouse, or something else I hadn''t thought of. The lizard bois, on the other hand, all thumped their halberds on the ground once.


    One thump for yes, two thumps for no. Good to know.


    That confirmed, I looked down at the Thralls. A few had fallen to their knees and were praying at me. I''d have to deal with that later, but right now I called out, "Okay, I''m guessing you guys either don''t know where Jarl Swanson lives, or you''re pretty sure one of the guys down there is gonna get tapped to lead me. So I got a different job for you. I''m gonna be gone at least a week. By the time I get back? I want the Green cleaned up. Burn Karlson; you can leave his armor and weapons on him, but no loose coins or jewelry or other valuables. Those go back to the longhouse for me to go over when I get back." I nodded down at Olaf. "I expect this guys femurs," I pointed at the appropriate bones where they stuck out the tops of his thighs thanks to my explosion addicted son. "To be entirely cleaned up, preserved as best you can, and ready for shipment by the time I get back. You can burn the rest of him. Also, make sure that any really torn up patches have new grass or flowers or some shit planted. Any questions?" I got a general round of head shaking, but a couple guys raised hands. I pointed at the nearest.


    Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.


    "Who is in charge, Ma''am?"


    The other hands went down. I thought about it a second, then said, "you twelve who lost toes yesterday, front and center!" When they''d all gathered, I dropped a Heal into each of them. Probably not enough to, like, regrow Mana Bladed pinkie toes, but enough that they wouldn''t be limping or in pain or anything. Frankly, all twelve looked a thousand percent better at that point, like they''d been wandering around with lots of minor injuries and were fully unhurt for the first time in forever. "Okay, you guys. There''s a shit ton of work to do. You twelve are my foremen. Decide how you want to split the work up, work out amongst yourselves who gets to be in charge of the whole shebang." When they all looked at one another, a couple flexing, I said, "by talking it out. No damaging my property. Also, whoever is in charge is also responsible. Shit ain''t done, or it''s done wrong, they''re the ones who are gonna get the most shit for it. So, y''know, don''t take the job just to show you''ve got the biggest dick." I grinned, raking my gaze across the crowd. "Not like that''s really a hidden fact any more anyway."


    That got me a round of laughter, the loudest coming from one of the twelve guys, who hung halfway to his own knee. Definite porn star material there. "Okay, you guys, I''ll let you get to it."


    Then I stepped over to the lizard bois. "Okay, guys. I''m guessing you decided," I nodded to the one standing in front. He wasn''t the biggest or anything, now that I looked. He did have some equipment strapped to his back, and a few bits of subtle jewelry in some of his scales, though. "He''s gonna be the one to guide me to Swanson?"


    They all hammered their halberd butts into the ground once.


    "Cool. Organized. Efficient. Gotta be honest, not exactly my thing? But my wife is totally into that shit, and I can respect it. Can you guys speak?" One big thump. "Lemme guess, you don''t speak the local language all that well, what with the different jaws and vocal cords and shit?"


    That actually got me a bit of a reaction from most of them. Nothing huge, just some of them tensing a little, the guy in front cocking his head so slightly I wouldn''t have realized if I hadn''t been watching for it. Then they thumped their halberd butts down again, once. "Hey, no worries. I''m really close with a Maenad, they have kinda the same issue. If you gotta convey something that''s not an easy ''yes / no'', just, uh, three taps, okay? We''ll work something out."


    They all stood up a little straighter. One thump. "Okay. I''m gonna guess that you guys normally are the Jarl''s bodyguard, and wind up with all the shit duties that Thralls can''t do, right?" One thump. "Okay. Can''t say that won''t change at all, because you seem sorta trustworthy, at least the sorts who will do their best to get the damn job done. So, while I''m away? Nobody hurts anybody else on my lands and gets away with it. Somebody does, or tries, you do what you gotta to stop them, then put them in chains or stocks or whatever until I get back." I thought about it for a second, then said, "try not to kill anybody. I''d hate to have some poor bastard dead because of stupid before I could try and unstupid them, okay?" One thump. "Other than that, it''s business as usual, just let folks do what they do to, y''know, grow food and keep themselves alive and doing what they do. Got it?" One thump.


    I nodded, then called out, "Okay, you," I pointed to the guy in front. "You and you," I pointed at the guys with the still-stubby arms, "are coming with me to Jarl Swanson''s place." The two shorthanded guys had more than a little surprise leak into their body language, but they just thumped once. "You need to pick up any gear?" Two thumps. "Okay then. I''m a pretty good distance runner, you guys set the pace, I''ll tell you if it''s a problem. Let''s go!"


    Guy in the lead took off, jogging toward the opposite end of the Green. I fell in behind him and heard the two stubby guys fall in behind me. I glanced over my shoulder at the timbre of the Warrior fight changing, and had to stifle my laughter as the remaining thirteen lizard bois went to town with the flats and butts of their halberds, making short work of the few remaining Warriors who had ignored the whole conversation in favor of getting their fight on.


    Gotta give the lizard bois credit; they''ve got some stamina in them. With the long legs, I had to run while they jogged, and they never moved much above a jog, but they kept that jog up until well after dark. Once night set in, they slowed down, and I got the impression that they weren''t just watching the terrain more. "You guys need a break?" They thumped their halberds twice against their arms. I smiled and asked, "no worries if night slows you down, but do you want a break? I''d rather we bed down and have you guys fresh in the morning, if it matters."


    The guy in front slowed to a stop, and in a couple minutes the three had stamped out the simplest of bivouacs in the tall grass to the side of what I now recognized as an overgrown dirt road. All they really did was stamp down enough grass to curl up on the ground, each in contact with the two others. They seemed a little surprised when I curled up in the middle of them, but not, like, in a bad way. They also were very respectful, scooching around until their hands, legs, and tails were pointed elsewhere than at me.


    Hey Kitten?


    Yes, Goof?


    I''m gonna bivouac with these lizard bois for the night. Doing a little morale building, maybe some loyalty work. Miss you, but I wanna keep rolling these Jarl motherfuckers up.


    We miss you too, Goof. Would you like us to come to you?


    Nah. Don''t know how they''d take it. Maybe tomorrow?


    I look forward to it.


    Love to Marie and Menace.


    Back at you, Goof.


    Today we woke up at the ass crack of dawn, and if the lizard bois moved more than a little sluggishly, I wasn''t gonna be the one to tell them they had to lie back down. We walked, then jogged, through the day. I could have made a better pace on my own if I''d know where the fuck we were going. I also didn''t want to use my Scry then Translocate combo too often, especially when I might not actually be killing or subjugating any particular motherfucker who saw it.


    Some time after lunch we rolled up on another little village. This one really deserved the name a little more, with two concentric horseshoes of buildings extending out from the central longhouse, not to mention a much bigger Green, and some tilled fields we passed by as we approached.


    A dude with his own little batch of lizard bois stood at the village end of the Green with a few Warriors around him. The moment we hit the green, my guide slipped back to my six o clock, the two stubby bois sliding to eight and four. When we''d jogged up to a distance where I could converse without shouting, I slowed to a stop. Before I could say anything, the dude stepped forward one measured pace. "Jarl Diaz, I presume?" At my nod, he said, "you have a letter for me, I presume?"


    More than a little surprised, as much by his politeness as by him knowing who I was and why I''d come, I stepped forward and handed him a letter I pulled out of The Dress'' skirt side boot. "Good to meet you, Jarl Swanson."


    He took the letter, broke the seal, and while read it muttered, "I wish I could say the same." Right about then I recognized one of the Warriors in his little group. Not by his looks, or even by his outfit, which was subtly different to his buddies'', but by the circles under his eyes, presumably from running here overnight. Before I could do more than glare at him, Swanson folded the letter and looked back at me. "It seems Harald was fundamentally correct. I officially do not recognize your right to challenge me. If you wish to do so anyhow, I do recognize your right to Trial by Combat. I will have a Champion prepared for Trial by Combat tomorrow no later than two hours before midday. If you do not arrive at my Green by midday, I will assume you''ve come to your senses. If you defeat my Champion, I will meet you on the Green after the midday meal. Can I trust you to abide by this?"


    I thought about it for a moment, then held out my hand. "Sounds fair to me." He reached out, grasped my forearm with his, and when I mirrored his gesture, pumped my arm once.


    "Would you join me for supper?"


    Boss? Should I?


    He''s invited you in. If he harms you, it''s a social gaffe, if nothing else. He''ll definitely lose face in front of his men.


    So, guest rights are a thing here?


    He seems to follow them.


    Okay. Thanks Boss. You''re the best.


    I know


    I thought about how to word my reply for a second. I didn''t want to screw up the diplomacy, but in the end? I''m still me. "Sure, Jarl Swanson. Show me your best TV dinner, big guy."

 Day Two Hundred And Ninety-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    I''m not sure which I hate more, the dumb assholes who wind up in charge because they''re bigger and badder than anybody else, who inevitably wind up cracking my windshield and ruining my wipers, or the smart assholes who wound up in charge for the same reason, but recognize a windshield when they see it looming out of the fog.


    Okay, so I definitely felt some kinda way about Jarl Swanson''s new lil buddy, but it''s not like I''d told them all to stay still before he ran. Hell, even if I''d seen him, what would I have said? ''Hey, get back here, don''t run in terror! I might want to kill you a lot later!'' Like I said, I don''t want to be just another, bigger shitter on top of the shit pyramid. The problem isn''t who''s on top of the shit pyramid, it''s the existence of the shit pyramid itself.


    Also, we all know how much I like food and sex, and I''ve just kinda ruined my own appetite for either with the mental image of the shit pyramid.


    Kitten?


    Yes, Goof?


    No scheiss fetishes. Hard pass.


    Not that I had any intention to explore something so revolting, which I did not realize existed until just now. Thank you for that. But your boundary is noted, and will not be one I press. You owe me a Driver''s chocolate cake.


    You got it, Kitten.


    So Swanson didn''t have any TV dinners. Technically. What with the whole lack of TVs. Of course, once the local Thralls dragged a couple big tables from one side of the room and set them up in a squared off horseshoe and some older women who seemed to be in charge of food brought out plates, it was all I could do not to laugh my ass off. Wooden plates. Rectangular wooden plates. Rectangular wooden plates with five deep depressions carved into them to keep the different foods separate when they brought them out to us.


    I think it put me in a good mood, or at least put a smile on my face while I ate. Some flatbread. Not soft stuff like pita or naan, but sorta crunchy. Unfortunately, not toast crunchy, but vaguely stale or overcooked crunchy. Some kind of root vegetable I didn''t recognize, cubed and boiled until it mashed pretty good. Had some salt on it, but could have used butter. Looking around as I ate, I suspected soft food was popular due to a general lack of complete dentition. The bread puzzled me when I realized that, until I noticed everybody else using it to scoop up the stew. Or really, soak up the stew until the meaty solid bits could be finger fooded. The bread wasn''t half bad that way. Another part of the tray had a mix of peas and mushrooms and some other something I couldn''t identify. The final bit had what looked and smelled like cod and tasted like week old gym socks.


    I really wasn''t all that eager to do the finger food thing though, because once we all sat down to eat, I realized that I''d never really had a chance to clean up after my fight with Karlson. It said something about how much pureeing it took to put that bastard down that when I looked, I saw no evidence of my trip through Olaf''s alimentary canal, because the blood had literally washed it off. I still couldn''t see an inch of me that wasn''t covered in dried blood, though. "Uh, do you guys have a spoon I could use?"


    One of Swanson''s Warriors let out a really nasty chuckle, then half belched out, "just like a woman!"


    Most of the other Warriors, along with Swanson himself, watched my reaction. The only exception was the dude who''d run from Karlson''s place, who had the best ''shit, I''m not associated with these people'' look on his face that I''d seen since getting my ass Isekai''d to Phileo. I tilted my head, popped my eyes really big, then reached down and pulled The Dress'' top into ''full wardrobe malfunction exposure'' mode, which really showed off my fake-tan-made-out-of-blood lines. Then I jumped to my feet, swept her skirt even further to the side and looked down at the utter mess that had congealed in my pubes. Didn''t have to fake the slight surprise and disgust in my voice when I shouted out, "holy shit! I AM a woman!" I was polite enough to leave the ''you dumbass'' part unspoken, although I did follow up with, "Oh, hey, that must be why everybody says my wife and I are Sapphic!" My first shout had gotten a round of laughter started, mostly at the expense of dumbass, who looked pissed. My comment about Saffron''s Sapphic Seraglio got me almost an entire table full of interested looks, so I put a finger to my mouth, ignored the faint sour taste of the iron, and said, "I wonder if our Maenad makes it more or less Sapphic?"


    Never saw so many dudes all shrivel in unison. Points to Swanson for maintaining full ''still politely interested'' face through the whole damn thing. Of course, mister moron shoved himself to his feet and said, "no woman laughs at Bjorn!"


    I stared at his crotch before looking him in the eye and saying, "Well, of course not. If I can''t tell it''s there behind your kilt when you''re this worked up? That''s not funny, that''s just sad."


    As Bjorn started over the table at me, a Loki-sized hand grabbed him by the shoulder and slammed him back into his seat. A Loki-sized Jotnar in an unpleasantly familiar dress stood behind Bjorn. Swanson said, "thank you, High Priest Gustav."


    He is indeed a High Priest of Odin.


    Thanks for the confirm, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    "I would not wish to fight against someone we failed to honor guest rights for."


    Swanson just nodded, and a moment later one of the women handed me a wooden spoon. Nowhere near as nice as the Academy ones, but at least I didn''t wind up sucking down Karlson blood and Olaf shit with my meal. Honestly, after that the meal went pretty well. Not a patch on Marie''s cooking, but if I held that as my standard for edibility I''d wind up eating nothing but Marie from now until the end of time. You know what I mean. Although the only real reason I didn''t intend to do that was Saffron, so I totally get why you might have gotten confused. When a bunch of scantily clad younger Thralls came out to do some really shitty smexy dancing in the middle of the table area, I felt a little guilty. Mostly because of the whole ''slavery'' thing. I''m married, not dead, and if Saffron is fine with terrain as long as she gets the full three dee experience, I can''t see why she''d get pissed at me enjoying the scenery.


    The meal got a lot less fun when the young men started doing slapstick, because that''s when the women started moving right along the inner edge of the table. Don''t get me wrong, the view got nicer. Mostly. I tried not to think about them all having full sets of teeth and big old non-saggy tits meant. Not my place. Yet.


    Then one of the dudes reached over the table, snagged one of the women, and pulled her into his lap. She kept a smile on her face, but any woman born could spot it as fake. While he pawed her with one hand, he fed her with the other one. Mostly leftover bits, but nothing that looked like straight up gristle or shit like that. The way she snapped at the food combined with the ribs I saw when he pawed her blouse open kept my mouth shut, because interrupting just meant she didn''t get to eat. Fuckers. I watched, getting more and more ready to fuckin'' go right now on these goddamned rapist assholes, as each of them snagged their Thrall of choice.


    Do not, Daughter.


    The. Fuck. Not. Boss?


    Guest rights, Daughter. You are bound by them until tomorrow.


    Oh, like that would debuff me enough to stop me?


    He paused. No. It would not. But none of the Thralls themselves would trust you after that.


    "Fuck!"


    I did not expect the general reaction to be hearty laughter and the slapstick guys tossing two of their number toward my corner of the table. I looked around, and realized that at least a few of the claimed Thralls weren''t faking their smiles. Or maybe they just found my outburst funny. That''s when one of the two guys dropped to the floor, the other climbing atop him, clearly exposing himself, even through the acrobat''s clothing, as a her. Shorter than Saffron. Looking like a better endowed Siobhan. Also trying really hard not to look at my plate.


    Without looking, I pointed at Bjorn. "Nobody deserves to be sad on a feast night. Send him away, he insulted a guest."


    Bjorn might have wanted to protest, but a size fuck you hand picked him up like a toddler, then dragged him off and tossed him into one of the side rooms. Swanson looked at me and, without batting an eye, said, "fair. Generous, even, should that be the only price you place upon him."


    "Yeah. We''ll talk about that tomorrow." I paused. "Nah. Fuck it, after this place is mine tomorrow, I gotta leave for the next Jarl''s place. If you''re smart enough to surrender tomorrow, you teach him some manners." I paused again as the rest of the Warriors watched Swanson.


    "Should you indeed best me and leave me alive, I will gladly act as your executioner."


    "Didn''t say kill him. If you kill ''em, they don''t learn nothin''. Also, the dead don''t suffer."


    He just nodded. "Understood."


    Right about then the first Warrior got up from the table, tossing his Thrall over his shoulder as he did. I hadn''t been watching, but she dropped the tray to the table, and by her face she''d been licking it clean. The rest of them started leaving right about then. Some of them carried their Thralls, a few led them by the hand. One asshole yanked his off her feet, and she stumbled all the way to the side room. Another guy straight up grabbed his Thrall by the thigh as he stood, then let his grip slide to her ankle before dragging her off.


    I closed my eyes and couldn''t help but breathe out an infuriated, "tomorrow."


    Swanson, who''d had one of the better looking cooking staff come over and start cleaning up his plate, said, "pardon?"


    "Tomorrow you make sure every one of these girls has a knife. A sharp one. And you teach them how to use it. And you teach that asshole," I nodded to drag boy, who''d just closed the door behind himself, barely missing catching his Thrall in it, "to not be an asshole."


    "Should you win."


    Fuck. How the fuck was I supposed to get my righteous fury on? Oh, I was pissed. Real fucking close to uncontrolled rage. But I didn''t want that. Didn''t need it. That''s when I noticed Swanson watching me fume. He knew exactly what he was doing. Pissing me off just as hard as I''d done to Karlson. I froze, uncertain how to respond, until a tiny hungry whimper sounded from across the table in front of me.


    I looked at the poor girl still standing on the jester''s back, took a deep breath, let it flow out, taking my anger with it, and held out one hand to her. "What''s your name?"


    "Hilde." She whispered, looking uncertainly at my hand. Then she leaned over, one knee on the table, like she was trying to fill my hand with tit or something. I reached out, took her by the waist, which my hands spanned completely, and lifted her gently over the table. I sat her on my skirted side, put one arm around her at shoulder level, giving her something to lean against. Then, as Swanson nodded to me, stood, and took his cook by the hand to lead her off, I fed her the rest of my dinner.


    When she took the spoon and scraped the tray clean, Odin''s boy walked over to stand at conversational distance. "I expected you to object to the customs of the house."


    "Oh. I do. But I''m not giving you the satisfaction of being a poor guest. Those customs, though? Change. Tomorrow."


    He smiled. "So confident. I would almost look forward to the fight did my lord not tell me not to." After a pause his smile turned cruel. "So, for the night you''ll follow our customs?" I didn''t get it until he glanced at Hilde.


    I swear to fuckin'' Loki, I almost ended that asshole and every other privileged cock haver in the longhouse right then and there.


    Daughter.


    I said fuckin'' almost, Boss. Fuck off.


    Before I could do anything, Hilde whispered, "not for me, lady. I... will live."


    I turned to her. "You like women, Hilde?" She shrugged. "Fine." I stood, lifting her to sit on one forearm as I did, her arms and legs clutching at me as I rose.


    A moment after she caught herself, she kinda melted across my side. "So strong."


    That dude loses his dick tomorrow. If he says one more word, I''m searing the hole shut.


    I''m proud of your self-control, Daughter. Also, though you need it not, I approve.


    I walked for the one open door. I stepped through as Hilde seemed to be working herself up and closed it behind me. Then I stepped her to my rooms at the Academy.


    Marie sat tailor fashion on the floor, knitting, and didn''t even bat an eye at my appearance. I looked at her, at myself, and at Hilde. "Bath?"


    "Please and thank you, Marie."


    Saffron spun in her chair, raised an eyebrow, but before she could speak Isnomi grabbed Mister Kraken, hopped off her bed, and walked for our bedroom shaking her head. "Where are you going, Menace?" She spun around, looking more than a little surprised. I set Hilde, who''d frozen mid-writhe when we arrived, onto her feet, gave her a little mid-back shove towards Isnomi, and said, "I need to talk to your mom. Introduce Hilde to your brothers and Mister Kraken while we wait for Marie to get back."


    A minute later Saffron and I stood in our bedroom. She''d held my hand while we walked in here, but dropped it after the door closed and hadn''t touched me since then. "The moment I saw the two of you, I half expected to be observing you Just Happening to someone smaller, younger, and fairer than I tonight."


    "I. Don''t. Fuck. Slaves."


    She stepped up to me, still holding herself the slightest distance from me, except one hand she reached up to cup my cheek. "I know, love. I know. I didn''t think you would." Then she smiled up at me. "She is pretty, though, isn''t she?"


    "Not the point, Kitten."


    She shook her head, her smile turning fond. "Oh, I know. But unless I don''t know my wife, she won''t be a slave by this time tomorrow."


    I couldn''t tell if she was joking to try and defuse the anger I''d just realized I still carried. "Yeah, she''ll just be a poor as shit former slave with no skills except really shitty erotic dance. Not like she''d believe she''s got the option to say ''no''."


    Saffron''s smile got a little less amused. "She might not, no. But she also isn''t likely to have many better prospects than ''second Mistress of the two most powerful women in the world'', is she?."


    "Gah. You''re serious about this?"


    She shrugged. "Not really. Not enough to push you if you''re not comfortable. Even if it is odd for me to find someone I''m taller than without shapeshifting." She paused, but before I could say anything, continued. "Would I make you uncomfortable to save someone? I don''t know. Would I make myself uncomfortable to let you do so? In a heartbeat."


    Somehow that drained the rage right out of me. Only to have it spark back up when I stepped to her, arms outstretched, and she stepped back away from me. "Why? If you''re not pissed at me, why won''t you touch me?"


    She shook her head, "because, my love, my Goddess, my Goof, you smell like shit."


    That finally did it. I snickered, snorted, and by the time Marie got back with her cart loaded with bath supplies, I''d nearly pissed myself laughing. I''d mentally apologized to The Dress, popped her onto her hook below the Altar, giving her the cleaning whammy as I did, so when Marie, Saffron, and I went back into Isnomi''s room, I walked in with nothing on save my liberal coating of Karlson.


    Isnomi popped up from where she and Hilde had been kneeling next to Vulcan''s case. "Baff time!"


    "Yeah, Mama and Hilde are going before you, Menace." I looked over to Hilde, only to see her half naked already, staring at me, her eyes tracing my scars. "Yeah, I''d let you go first, but you didn''t get dipped in Jotnar shit. Sorry."


    She stared at me as she dropped her skimpy skirt into a pile around her feet, nothing but confusion showing in her face and posture. Any nascent lady bit salivation dried up the instant I noticed her pubes. Thralls didn''t strike me as the sorts to afford razors, which meant that impressive boobage or not, that was not ''stubble'' so much as ''new growth''. I just smiled at her, trying to keep her confusion from turning to fear, then stepped into the tub to let Marie get to work. Nothing but a bath and concurrent rubdown tonight, what with Isnomi waiting in line, but when I stood post-hair combing and looked at Hilde, her eyes kept darting from tub to Marie and back like a wild thing. "Hey, Menace? You go next, okay?"


    Hilde blinked at that, and as Isnomi tossed Mister Kraken on the bed and dove for the bath, she swayed toward me. I shook my head. "Sorry, Hilde. You''re really sweet and all, but now that I''m not literally reeking of shit? You need a bath."


    If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    She couldn''t quite bring herself to look at Marie bathing Isnomi, but she whispered, "after?"


    I shook my head again. "I don''t fuck slaves, Hilde. I know, I know, guest rights, all that good shit. But I don''t. Hard pass. But I don''t want you to get in trouble either. So tonight?" I couldn''t help it, my inner Trickster Bitch reared up. "You''re sleeping with me." She looked really confused. "And my wife Saffron." Her eyes got a little bigger, but with the distraction, her fear leaked out. "And my concubine Marie." I nodded to Marie, and Hilde reacquired all the tension in the world. "And our daughter Isnomi." Now she just looked entirely weirded out with just a touch of terrified. Not really surprised at that last with Isnomi and I in the room; nobody as poor as Hilde would have instincts bad enough not to be just a little terrified locked in the room with the two of us. "Sleeping, Hilde. You know, that thing you do when you lie down in bed and close your eyes and some dude isn''t trying to stick his cock in you? Where you black out and wake up six to nine hours later feeling vaguely less shitty? Sleeping. No sex. Not fucking. Sleep. Snoring may be involved." I glanced at Saffron and Isnomi. "Check that, snoring will definitely be involved."


    I watched as it sank in. "Truly?"


    "Yeah. Truly." Her tears leaked out, and I held my arms out. She tensed, but stepped to me, and when I did nothing but pull her head to my shoulder and hold her, she just bawled her eyes out. She was still sobbing when Marie collected her for her bath. Yeah, I know I said she stank. She did. But I''m not the kind of bitch that will let somebody have a breakdown alone just because they''ve got little B.O. By the time Marie finished bathing her, she''d fallen asleep, and Marie managed to work all the tangles out of her cornsilk hair before Isnomi and I bundled into bed around her.


    As I lay there listening to Marie bathe Saffron, I thought, Sorry, Kitten. Didn''t mean to adopt another one today.


    Please, My Goddess, do not.


    Huh? Why?


    I am not that strong.


    It took me a second. Really?


    Truly, love.


    She''s what, twelve?


    Had I had the opportunity she has at twelve, I would have jumped at it. Had I had it at the Bag equivalent of nine I would have done so. I will not do this thing, because despite all I know of the world telling me it is natural and right? You find it abhorrent. Should it be your true wish, we will of course take her in as a daughter. But please, I beg of you, do not test me this way.


    I shook my head, softly so as not to disturb either of the kids sleeping in my arms. What the hell do I do with her, then? Just dump her back in that pit? I mean, yeah, tomorrow it''s my pit, and I''m gonna try fixing it, but I don''t want to just, I dunno, dump her there after this.


    Apprentice her to the Maids. To the Smiths. To Siobhan. To the Drivers. Foster her with one of our many friends with the means to feed such a tiny mouth. Hell, foster her with Larry.


    Larry.


    He likes brunettes. I barely managed to hold in my laughter until she said, but please, do not tell me where. I would even ask you to place her where I might not find her again, save she seeks us out of her own accord once she is grown.


    Holy shit, you''re serious.


    Duh. She splashed water as she slapped her hands down on it.


    Okay, okay, I''m just a little weirded that you''re so into her.


    I''m not ''into her'', love. Oh, I might be, should she wind up growing into someone of interest. This? This is purely physical. As I once heard you joke, ''neuron activation achieved''. I mean, seriously, didn''t you get a look at her once Marie finished?


    I guess she checks all the boxes? If you like big titty blondes? Do you like blondes? I''d ask about titties, but we both know that''s yes. Are mine big enough? Do you want me blonde?


    She snorted. Like I can avoid asking you for such simple trifles now. But as to blondes in general? I''ve grown up in a City where ''blonde'' meant wealthy, powerful, clean, beautiful. Hell, ''fair'' is used as a synonym for beauty.


    Isn''t it?


    It literally means ''light in color'', Goof.


    Oh. Are you gonna have a problem sleeping tonight?


    No moreso than I have these past two, with you being so... you... then not returning to claim your Hero''s Reward as is right and proper.


    I laughed at that, quieting when the two girls stirred. Soon after, Saffron and Marie joined us. Marie snuggled up on Hilde''s far side, and I got a little bit of warm fuzzy when the girl snuggled into Marie''s purring fur. Saffron spooned up behind me until I rolled, scooped her around to lie in the middle, facing me. "I trust you, Kitten. You''ve got something I don''t, after all."


    "What''s that?"


    "Self Control."


    The next morning, after a night of Mimic frozen like a baby bird staring at a snake while Domnu kept searching the midden heap for something, I wound up even more warm and fuzzy, not to mention proud of our little Menace, when she led Hilde into the armoire, then led her out wearing an absolutely stunning simple white sheathe of a dress.


    "Did you have your brother make that for her, Menace?"


    "Yeth!"


    "So proud of you!" I picked her up and snuggled her. When I set her down I turned to Marie. "I need you with us today, please."


    Which is how, two hours before noon, the three of us popped onto Swanson''s Green a couple dozen feet away from the village. Swanson, his High Priest, and all his Warriors stood there behind them. Swanson''s Lizard Bois stood behind him, and when I turned to look, my three bois stood down at ''our'' end of the Green. Of course Odin''s peg boy stepped forward, big assed naginata in one hand like a staff, and pompously intoned, "you did not stay the night in our longhouse."


    I whispered, "just go with it," as I threw one arm over Hilde''s shoulder, copying the pose I''d seen so many guys take with their most recent conquest. The pose I''d been the object for a time or six back in Camden. "Yeah, my bed''s bigger. Couldn''t very well do sleeping with this one justice in that little pallet you guys call a bed."


    He frowned at her. "Is this true? Did you sleep with Loki''s Champion?"


    "Yes, milord."


    "And my Maenad." I nodded to Marie.


    Before dipshit in dis dress could say anything, Hilde added, "and her Maenad, yes. And her wife." Then she earned extra special, ''fucking with assholes who need it to Loki''s own standards'' by blushing, looking at her feet with a ''I''m really trying not to admit how much I liked it'' blush and smile and said, "and her daughter."


    Boss?


    Yes, Tabitha Diaz?


    Let Antony and Marilyn know I''ll need to talk with them about fostering Hilde this afternoon.


    I felt his warm smile. Excellent choice, my Priestess High Above All Others.


    Yeah, yeah, I know. You''re the best.


    I know.


    Meanwhile Hilde was maybe getting a little too into her whole ''nascent sexuality budding right here on the Green'' act, much to the consternation of High Priest Gustav and the obvious interest of the rest of Swanson''s clowns. Except my once-and-future clown, who just stared at me in undisguised terror. I pulled her tight enough that she couldn''t so much ''writhe'' as ''gasp for air'', pointed at mister terror-filled donut, and called, "You! What''s your name?"


    "Bo, Si... Ma''am."


    "Okay, Bo. If you leave before I kick Swanson''s ass, I will hunt you down, take off your kneecaps and elbows, then drop you into Lancaster House''s tanning waste pit. If you leave after I kick Swanson''s ass, I will actually get pissed off at you. Do we have an understanding?" His legs went out from under him, although he managed to drop into a tailor''s seat. "I''ll take that as a yes." I turned to Marie, peeled Hilde off me, and handed her over. Marie had none of my compunctions about wearing painted on Hilde as an accessory, although she put one arm around her before turning and sprinting for our end of the Green where my bois stood. I sighed, then chuckled at the thought that given impressionable ages and shit, I think I''d just given Hilde a whole muscle mommy thing. Screw it, neither of us did anything but give her a bath and a place to sleep, all the drool on her lips was her own doing.


    I turned to Gustav. "Okay. Dickless-to-be. C''mon, I''m not gonna jump you while we''re talking terms." He took one long step forward, and I stepped backward to maintain our distance. "Okay then. This is for my right to duel Jarl Swanson, right?"


    Gustav nodded. "It is. Is the Green an acceptable venue?"


    I shrugged. "Works for me. Because I promised my buddy George, if you surrender at any point before the Duel actually starts, you get off with a slap on the wrist. Okay, because you were such a colossal dick about Hilde last night, that slap''ll be with your own cock after I slice it off, but I''ll even give it back to you afterward. No such promises if you don''t surrender."


    He sucked at his teeth. "How droll. Don''t know what else I expected from the Backbiter''s lackey."


    "Hey! I''m not just a lackey. I''m also his High Priestess and Daughter." He just rolled his eyes. "Okay then. First blood?"


    "Hardly. But I can agree to accepting your surrender."


    I smiled up at him. "Hey, cool! So, we stay on the Green, we fight until you surrender or I cut your dick off."


    "Wait, wha..."


    I steamrolled him, shouting "Bo! Throw a rock! We start when it hits."


    While he spun, his eyes tracking for the stone Bo had thrown, I pulled out my swordstave and lit up both ends, extending the Blades until I figured they''d be long enough to slice off one of Gustav''s thighs. I didn''t bother looking for the rock. I watched his eyes, and the moment they twitched toward me, I leapt.


    Gotta give him credit, for a big man he had enough quickness in him to get his big naginata looking spear in the way. Much to my surprise, it didn''t go the way of all flesh when my Mana Blade hammered into it. He not only blocked me, he whipped the fuckin'' thing around until my choices were ''get thrown backwards'' or ''straddle his big stick''. I chose the path of least penetration and went sailing backwards, twisting to keep my eyes on him as he charged in pursuit, ready to smack me when my ballistic arc got close enough to the ground. Honestly? The way he lined his naginata up, it looked like he intended to bat me clean out of the Green.


    I took a moment while in flight to ask the important questions. The fuck, Boss?


    It appears Odin has blessed his staff to stop your Mana Blades.


    Shit. Next you''ll tell me his dress is blessed, too?


    Now that I know what to look for, I can confidently tell you he has not. It appears he likes Gustav too much for that.


    Huh?


    Should he make Gustav''s dress impenetrable, your only choice would be to attack his face.


    Point.


    When Gustav swung at me, the blade of his naginata moving faster than its own sound, I waited until he threw his weight into it, then Translocated to kick him in the thumb, spinning my swordstave so one blade sliced through his eyepatch''s thong, while the other put a nice new scar above and below his eye.


    What? He blinked and flinched.


    Over the course of the next minute, I soaked up half a dozen doses of blunt force trauma, because apparently Gustav had finally decided to take me seriously. The man was fast. Really fast. Like, not Larry fast, I don''t think? But the fact that I had to say ''I don''t think he was as fast as the guy I couldn''t see move'' kinda summed it up. I pretty much had to stay inside his reach, and he used that to body check me, knee me, and elbow me as often as he could. Meanwhile I pondered out loud. "Red like roses? Nah. There''s only one of you. I Burn? Maybe?" I landed on his hand again as he swung his naginata at me. "Are you a moron with a baseball bat?"


    "What? What in Hel''s name are you talking about?" He slapped at me with his other hand, only to get one of my Blades through his palm.


    "Grabby grabby no!" Then I paused, balancing on the flat of his naginata''s blade as he swung it. "Wait, are you into hair pulling? Like, from either end?" I Translocated behind him, grabbed two handfuls of hair, and dropped.


    "OW! BITCH!" He leapt, intending to land on me back first, at which point I realized what I needed to do. Should have known from the moment I hit his eye, really. Fates finally giving me clues and shit and I ignore them. Such a dumb bitch.


    I stepped to the far side of the Green from Gustav, shut down my swordstave''s blades and slung it over my back, then stood upright, hands clasped in front of me. I know my voice, my singing voice especially, is like, the one thing that did not improve since I got here, but I''d discovered something two days ago, and was absolutely going to enjoy the shit out of it forever. Or until I got bored with it, y''know? "Mirror... tell me something..." Right about then the piano cut in, and I discovered that Apollo had a stupid good vocal range, managing to hit some bitchin'' soprano notes as I slid a single long thin Mana Blade out of my right wrist.


    For the next few seconds, it was all I could do to parry his naginata''s strikes, and eventually he caught me with one that threw me through the air toward the edge of the Green. I spun in midair, Shaping, and bounced off the vertical Air Shield, using the reflected momentum to lunge at him. I left his sleeve fluttering, but didn''t manage to tag his arm. His naginata came around, and again I barely managed to block it before he flung me across the Green. Another Air Shield, and I bounced toward him again, slicing through his other sleeve. Back and forth I bounced, until after I''d torn half a dozen rents in his dress, he brought his naginata straight down from above as I flew past. A hastily Shaped Air Shield bounced me back into the air, but his bare fist connected with my face about twelve feet into my ballistic flight. I tumbled backward, feeling the blood dripping from above my left eye.


    I stood, smiling at him, not even caring when I went off script long enough to say, "last chance to say goodbye to your one eyed wonder!"


    He came at me, maybe even faster than Karlson had with his supersonic charge. I didn''t hear him coming, only saw his naginata blade coming down to cut me clean in half.


    It hit my Mana Blade where I held it horizontally, six inches above my head. And bounced, thrown backward by his own Mimicked Strength and Agility. As he stumbled backward, I grabbed at the ground, threw up an Air Shield under my feet, then launched myself at him. I bounced from shield to shield, slicing apart his dress as I did. With my second to last pass, I clipped his loincloth, and he threw a hand in front of his dick when it fell. My last lunge carried my Mana Blade through his other hand, sending his naginata sailing. I landed on an Air shield right between his legs, and while he clutched at his manhood, I used the thrust of that shield to land an absolute haymaker of an uppercut right to his taint.


    He flew upwards, flailing, wearing very little more than Sigyn''s Loki torturing outfit. I pushed my Mana into four separate Shapes; one Air Shield for each of his limbs. Pointing outwards. While they held him spread eagled, I bounced off my Air shield, leaping as high as I could. I spun, lined myself up, then used a final Air Shield to launch me straight at him.


    As his noticeably-smaller-than-Loki''s cock hit the ground, I muttered, "and that''s the power of stories. Bitch."


    I would, perhaps, not enjoy your comparison of my own manhood to someone else''s recently severed member, had you not just transferred so much Glory directly from Odin to me


    I gotchu, boss. Tell Sigyn to get your daily dose of torture in while I''m at lunch?


    How... why... I got the impression of a deep, resigned sigh. Your wife is correct.


    Huh?


    Having you as family means accepting Terror into my life.


    Problems?


    Not a damn one. Go have lunch.


    Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I kn... he cut off with a squeal and maybe the faintest edge of Sigyn''s Candace Bergen chuckle.


    I left Gustav hanging, stepped to face Swanson, and waited.


    "Well fought, Champion. Lunch?"


    "I''d love to, but only on one condition." When he just raised an eyebrow, I pointed at Marie and Hilde. "They get seats at the table."


    Credit where it''s due, the man hid his booger look almost too fast for me to see it. "Of course your mistresses are invited to dine with us as well."


    Lunch was... lunch. Kinda funny, while their bread really needed something, not sure what? They managed to make some good, if greasy, sandwiches from it. The Warriors were on their best behavior. Not saying a whole lot, but none of the looks they shot us were angry or aggressive. Some definitely horny ones, and more than a few of those were at the conclusion of them describing the fight from their point of view, with big old hand motions and even one guy doing the whole ''spread eagle'' gesture. That ended when one of them took the opportunity to punch him right in the dick, but given that it was the third time he''d done it, including a few incidental backhands, I guessed it was all in good fun.


    When we got back to the green, Swanson followed me on as Marie, escorted by my Lizard bois, jogged to the far end. "Okay, Jarl. You ready to do this?"


    He nodded. "I''d like a few stipulations? If I may?"


    I shrugged. "Okay. Just to be sure, Green as arena, to first blood?"


    He shook his head, "I''d prefer to surrender, if you do not object. To be clear, I have no intention to kill you. But neither of us would be felled by a simple cut." He nodded to me, to my face, and I realized what he was talking bout when I wrinkled my brow to try and see, only to feel my scab crack.


    "Okay, fair point. Anything else?"


    "I should ask that you not use those blades of light, nor the weapon that creates them."


    I couldn''t help but smile. "Only if you use a club. A big one."


    He tilted his head. "Strange, but fair." He unbuckled his sword belt, held it out behind him, then snapped his fingers when one of his Lizard bois took it. Another one ran off, presumably to fetch a club.


    "Honestly, this still feels a little one sided, with how polite you''re being and shit. I am, after all, gonna get all your shit when you lose."


    He smiled. "So, perhaps, a forfeit should I fell you?"


    I frowned at him. "I''m listening."


    "Should you lose, you will be mine."


    I shook my head, stepping back and waving my hands at the ground. "Oh, no. I am nobody''s Thrall."


    He nodded, "fair. Should you lose, you will be my warrior..."


    "I sense a but."


    His smile made an absolute gap-closer of a dash into lewd territory. "As do I. Quite a nice one, in fact. My warrior and my woman, warming my bed until such time as you give me an heir."


    "You get a very special kind of hoo-boy. Still, you have been polite. But I gotta check with my wife."


    "Of course. Would I be pushing should I ask for her and your other mistress as well?"


    "Yes. Yes you would."


    He nodded. "Then I shall not."


    What do you think, Kitten? I shot her his offer.


    Well, should you lose to him, I can''t help but think you deserve it. But no, he will get both of us. Not Marie. And he will have you no way but bent over.


    That sure as shit put a look on my face, but before Swanson could say anything, I held up a hand for patience. The fuck, Kitten?


    Oh, please. I have absolutely no doubt about your victory. But if you somehow manage to throw this fight, I don''t wish to spend months away from you, and I think it''s only fair that you wind up treated like a bitch who forgot her orders.


    I grinned at him. "Woof. Woof."


    He shook his head, blinking. "Pardon?"


    "Nothin''. You win, you get me and my wife, and she calls the shots on the ''how'' in the bedroom."


    His eyebrows went looking for his asshole over the top of his head, but he nodded. "Done."


    "Okay. One final thing. Is there some kind of official ''my guy who runs this place'' title I can give you when you lose?"


    He shrugged. "Seneschal seems appropriate?"


    "Okay. If you manage to pull off a hunk of this mop," I ran a hand through my hair. "Before I beat you, you''re my official Seneschal."


    "I am in agreement with all of this. How do you wish to begin?"


    "Have one of your lizard bois toss a halberd in the air, we start when it hits?"


    He mouthed the word, ''Lizard boi'', shook his head, and said, "Bodyguard. One halberd, thrown as high as you can, to land directly between us."


    A halberd arced into the air, spinning, and I leapt backward. I didn''t like how confident Swanson looked with both hands gripping the great-club, its tip on the ground behind him. For all I knew he had some kind of great club iaijutsu Skill or some shit like that. I stared into his eyes, entirely focused on them. The spinning halberd plunged into the earth beneath us. His hand shot up, empty, and half a dozen Fire Bolts screamed toward me. I couldn''t help it, a huge smile stretched across my face as I intercepted each one with a Create Water, singing, "come at me..." He launched another half dozen Fire Bolts, and I laughed aloud as I intercepted them with more Create Water. "And you''ll see..."


    He followed his Fire Bolts in, coming out of the steam with his club swinging as Apollo proved that the rest of the song worked just as well with a nice masculine tenor as he sang, "I''m more than meets the eye." Awesome vocals and techno beats accompanying me or not, I was not prepared for him to swing that goddamned six foot hunk of wood like a goddamned baton. I''m not sure how many times he hit me, but after landing at least half a dozen shots that rang my fuckin'' head like a bell, he wound up and swung for the fences, knocking me backward, tumbling. Somehow I managed to slide to a stop just shy of the other end of the Green. I stood, smiling open mouthed, blood covering my teeth, throwing my fists back and Shaping a Fire Bolt in each, holding the Bolts in my hands. "Woof Woof, Bitch!" I screamed, charging.


    He met me midway, but he''d been watching for my Fire Bolts the whole time. He did not expect me to just fuckin'' deck him, only releasing the Fire Bolt once my knuckles made contact. Over and over I hit him, Shaping a new Fire Bolt each time, never letting him get out of a near-clinch, hitting him again every time he tried to grab me. Eventually he managed to get his club in between us, and I pulled back and hit him with all the power in my arms, my hips, and my thighs. He flew backward, tumbling end over end, clutching the broken remains of his club in his left hand. He shook his head, grinning at me as he held up his right hand, opening it to let the strands of my hair fall into the churned up mud.


    I couldn''t help it, I laughed, a big, back arching scream of hilarious rage as blood ran down from my violated scalp. Because some shit in stories just will not be denied, I threw the Mana from that rage into two massive Fire Bolts, firing them into the dirt on either side of me, letting them propagate in a circle around me until they erupted from the ground in gouts of fire. Then, eyes glowing with the Strength and Agility I''d Mimicked from him on top of the Attributes I''d Mimicked from Gustav. I practically flew across the intervening distance, pouring Mana into another massive Fire Bolt. He got his club up again, which is probably all that saved him from terminal burnout. The ashed remains of his club hammered into his face right before my fist, and he flew backwards faster and harder than I had when Karlson shoulder checked me. I slid to a stop, my feet carving furrows in the ground, stopping me just before I slid out of his end of the Green.


    I''m not sure where exactly he landed. Even with wireframe vision. Because even though the doors of the longhouse shattered to splinters when he hit them? The next pair, the ones into his ''throne room''? Kinda fell over and blocked my view.


    I smiled at them and laughed Gloriously at the confusion in their faces when I said, "it''s a strong story."

 Day Two Hundred And Ninety-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    Okay, I know that I''m trying to grow up and be a better person, deserving of my awesome wife who is so totally into me that she''s into other people literally getting into me, not to mention all the other perks and bennies I''ve gotten, but lately it seems like life is conspiring to empower my inner twelve year old.


    Seriously. Karlson? Weird spelling, but I''m not quite so uncultured to realize that some people spell Carl with a K, and not just bitchy baristas spelling it Cark. Swanson? Not anybody''s fault that apparently in the here and now, Norse sailors have gone with the deep dish tray instead of the gimbal, and dude just uses those same trays at home. But... but... but...


    Anyhow, after sending Swanson to become one with the back wall of his longhouse, I held up one finger to my newly won lackeys. At that point Bjorn screamed, threw off the pair of guys holding him down, and came at me, a rushing charge not unlike what Karlson had done. But Bjorn wasn''t Karlson, and I had some solid Attribute Mimicry going on now. I dropped to my knees, falling backwards to the ground just ahead of his rush. As he passed over me I reached up, grabbed, twisted, and yanked. As I listened to him tumble ass over teakettle, the car crash cacophony bringing a smile to my face, I kipped up, held up my prizes, and announced, "knees are God''s way of telling you not to try anything too difficult. Kneecaps doubly so." I dropped Bjorn''s kneecaps in the churned up mud beneath me and said, "now, as I was gonna say, I''ll be right back."


    With that, I stepped over to Gormsson''s throne room, flicked a copy of the letter I''d given Swanson at him, and stepped back to Swanson''s longhouse. I stretched a bit, because both Gustav and Swanson had beat the shit out of me. Nothing seemed broken or dislocated, but I was definitely gonna have some interesting purpling by tomorrow.


    You do realize you could Heal yourself? Or, should you have difficulty doing so, come here and your wife and I will restore you to full health?


    Aw, you''re sweet, Boss, but... I dunno. All the dirt and shit disappearing was just taking a bath. Fixing stuff that is outright broke I could live with, what with this whole mission being about shit way more important than my pride. But erasing all the stupid dings and cuts? No idea, but that would be a step too far.


    As you wish, Tabitha Diaz. But I worry that you court death by a thousand cuts.


    Oh, no! Not courting Death! What will Thanos think? What will Deadpool think? Wait, no, he''d be cool with a threesome, and Thanos can suck my ass until he dies of cinnamon poisoning.


    I took it as a deep and meaningful personal victory that he just stopped talking, like I''d left him sitting there, mouth hanging open, until Sigyn came by to reboot him. In all seriousness, his silence more likely had to do with Sigyn''s boots than my random bullshit, but I don''t begrudge him or her that at all, and I don''t think he''d begrudge me thinking I beat him in a tiny Trickster''s battle of wits. Or battle of lackwits? One of those.


    I pushed my way past the inner doors, and they crashed to the floor like they weighed way more than they did. I found Swanson embedded in the back wall of the room in a tangle of bags, chests, and broken shelves. "You alive back there?" The only response he gave was a pained groan, so I said, "two grunts if you''re stuck, one grunt if you just hurt too much to move." He let out a single long groan. "Okay. Try not to tense up." I grabbed his ankle and stepped to the middle of the room. He thumped down about six inches to the ground.


    "Ow."


    I stepped to loom over his face. "You gonna argue with me about you losing due to me throwing you out of the ring?"


    His eyes fluttered, like his body wanted them closed, but he refused. While he worked his mouth, I guessed it was pride or something, but when he managed to get his voice working and his eyes behaving, or at least obeying him, I realized he was definitely not looking at my eyes. Eh. Fuckit. "Will you hit me again if I do?"


    "Probably."


    He groaned, a pained smile stretching across his face. "Will you bed me if I don''t?"


    I couldn''t help it. I laughed. I definitely didn''t care that it made his view of my intimate jiggle physics that much jigglier. The man managed to mix ''polite'' and ''horny'' in a not unpleasant way. "I mean, not today. Not likely any time soon. I''ve got shit to do, and I''m presently satisfied with my current embedding. But I can tell you that if you keep getting back in the ring with me, death may ensue, and I do not fuck dead guys."


    "Well then. I suppose my choice is clear. Congratulations on your victory, my liege."


    I raised an eyebrow as he continued to enjoy the view. "Your what now?"


    This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    "I did get that hank of hair, did I not?"


    "Fair point." I reached a hand down, Shaping a Heal Injury and slamming it into him when he grabbed it. I did not expect him to be mid-kip-up when I did, and his subsequent seizure wound up with him headbutting me right in the crotch. "Ow."


    He stood there, back to me, rubbing his forehead. "A request, my liege?"


    "I''m listening."


    He turned, still rubbing his forehead. "Please do not dispute my story that you left this bruise as a reminder?"


    I chuckled. "Do your job right, to my satisfaction, or I''ll definitely tell them exactly how it happened, Seneschal Swanson."


    "I live to satisfy my liege."


    I shook my head. "Not that I''m not flattered, or entirely eternally uninterested, but that''s enough of that for today." I grabbed his shoulder and stepped the two of us out to the Green, then waved Marie, Hilde, and my Lizard Bois over to me. When they arrived, I said, "Marie, can you drop Hilde off with Larry and Bonnie?" At her nod, I said, "Hilde, let Larry know I need you to stay with them tonight. You can use my rooms there if they can''t find you another place. Or if you just want to."


    She stepped up close to me. "Lady, am I free?"


    "You are."


    "May I stay with you and your family?"


    I sighed. "Not an option, Hilde."


    "Have I displeased you, Lady?"


    I held out my arms, and she leapt into them. I pinned her arms to keep them from the roaming they''d looked absolutely ready to do, then gave her a hug. As I released her, I spun her around and nudged her back toward Marie. "You''re fine, Hilde. Nobody''s pissed at you, but I think if you stayed with us right now, you might cause some marital tension." Before she could say anything, because she''d already opened her mouth to deny any homewrecking intentions, I cut her off and said, "Not you, Hilde. And once you''ve got your feet under you? If you''re old enough and secure enough for it to be one of many options? If you''d still like to, come visit. Hell, once you''re settled in where I intend to foster you, coming to visit one way or the other is an option. But that''s it for now, okay?"


    "Would you let me stay here if I wished?"


    I shrugged. "I shouldn''t, but I would. Thing is? If anything unpleasant happened to you down here? There''s the distinct possibility that my wife would be excessively displeased. And she''s a lot meaner and more thorough than me." When she looked a little mulish, I said, "look. You helped me out today. Spend a night living in the lap of Lancaster House luxury, spend a week or two living with the folks I''m gonna foster you to. Call it a vacation, a reward. Okay?"


    "Yes, Lady."


    I nodded to Marie, and the two of them disappeared.


    I looked at my Lizard Bois, two of whom now looked like they''d skipped arm day since forever, but now had actual Lizard Boi arms instead of babby arms, and asked, "do any of you guys know how to get to Jarl Johnson''s place?" They slammed the butts of their halberds into the ground once. "Okay then, lead on!" As we ran, I turned and said, "make sure nobody leaves or dies, Seneschal!"


    "I shall endeavor to do so, my liege!"


    The four of us ran. I realized right then that if I knew where Johnson''s place was, I could get there way faster, but I didn''t. Also, I kinda wanted some active meditation time to come to terms with my soundtrack. Okay, come to terms with having one just a little bit, think of ways to use it with the whole ''power of stories'' thing, and most of all? Convince myself that ''getting super cool super powers'' was not an acceptable reason to go hunting Gods for sport. Seriously. That leads directly, inevitably to squatting atop the shit pyramid.


    The Bois and I bivouacked again, although this time the timing had more to do with the deer we spooked. As my brain still hadn''t decided between ''aw, Bambi!'' and ''venison?'' my lead boi threw his halberd, cleanly beheading it between bounces. They rendered it out pretty quick, although I really shouldn''t have watched. Somehow pureeing Karlson didn''t put me off my feed, but watching them rip the legs off the carcass like a housewife ripping the legs off a chicken using nothing but brute force and leverage was just a bridge too far. When one of the bois brought me over the two big legs and offered them to me, I took one and pushed the other back to him. "You guys look like you need more food than me." I hefted my one venison leg. "This''ll be fine." They looked at me, slow-panned to the body and head, then back to me. "Oh, yeah, you guys can totally have those. I''m good with this."


    Watching them eat was maybe even less appetizing than watching them render the deer, but hey, not like they wasted any of it or were cruel to the thing or anything. I''m not gonna be the one to damn somebody for poor table manners in the field. For my part, I extruded a little Mana Blade, getting a little nostalgic as I first sliced the skin away, then peeled off slice after slice, cooking them as I sliced them bite sized. For a kinda big definition of ''bite'', but nothing I couldn''t handle.


    When I''d finished up, they dug a me-sized pit, shoveled the remains in, then covered it over. By the time they finished, I could barely tell there''d been a bloody feast here. Then they did their grass trampling thing, and again I snuggled up in the middle of them.


    Mimic watched Domnu sifting through the midden heap, looking for her little lost lamb.


    My bois moved slow this morning. They seemed warm enough at night, but maybe they''re just not limbered up or something? At any rate, it took us all day today before we hit our next destination. We bypassed like three other little towns, close enough to spook the Thralls working in the fields, but never getting within a half mile of the village proper. Eventually, not long before dark, they led me to a big Green, surrounded on all sides by fields. Unlike most of the villages I''d seen so far, this one had a river running between the Green and the village. Not Delaware between Phileo and the Yards wide, but maybe Schuylkill at the Academy wide. A floating bridge ran across the river, made up of a few big sections. Each section had a couple siege weapons mounted on it, and the middle one had a sign angled to be seen from our end of the bridge and the eastern river as well. I read it and couldn''t help it. I dropped to the ground laughing.


    ATTENTION!


    THIS BRIDGE BELONGS TO BIG JOHNSON


    ALL WHO PASS MUST STOP


    ALL WHO PASS MUST TITHE


    ALL WHO PASS MUST BOW TO BIG JOHNSON SUPREMACY


    See what I mean? How is my inner twelve year old supposed to deal with that shit?

 Day Two Hundred And Ninety-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    Some days here and now really fuck with my sense of reality; when I''m walking through what feels like some kind of really bad Saturday Night Live skit from the nineties, but nobody else is laughing, everything gets really surreal.


    Everybody gets that now and then, I guess. Or maybe it''s just me? Even back in Camden there were times I''d look around and see stupid people doing stupid things that even they knew were stupid, and yet they kept doing them, even when talking about how stupid they were. Utter NPC behavior, like, ''voice lines and actions aren''t matching up, devs'' kind of stuff. Maybe I didn''t understand how the world worked. Maybe I did, but my brain wouldn''t let me articulate it, lest I auto-defenestrate until the hurting stopped. Maybe the whole Tiffany Problem affects reality itself as much as it does authors and game designers.


    Wait, is Tiffany still a common name here and now? Or is it common over in Europa? I ask only because every Tiffany I''d ever personally encountered turned out to be a larval extra-privileged Karen in disguise. Okay, most of those had been fictional, but the ones I''d met in real life had both been really awful. Mostly because they flirted with me, got me worked up enough to reciprocate, then bullied me for being a lesbian. Which annoyed me as much because I''m not a lesbian as because of the whole bullying thing. Seriously, just like Saffron, I''m Bi. Or Pan, as they call it here. If somebody needs convincing, I present our first piece of evidence, Isnomi. For me? The only serious issue I had with Raymond was both of our wives watching in the other room. Okay, and him not knowing about it, but it was a whole thing.


    Anyway, Tiffanies. Total bitches, to the point where I wanna find one and string her along or something. Except, y''know, again, I look at my own impulses and have a sudden urgent need for a rolled up newspaper to bonk myself with. No! Bad Tabitha! Back away from the pyramid slowly, you don''t even need a litter box, what are you doing climbing up the pyramid.


    Anyway, staring at a massive billboard talking about Big Johnson gave me ''this can''t be real'' vibes again.


    My Lizard Bois dropped down to a ground eating stroll, leading me to the near end of the bridge. When we got there, a couple Thrall looking guys stood up from where they''d been leaning against opposite ends of a pole that stretched across the near end of the bridge, balanced on three-foot posts. A beefier guy, maybe a Warrior, stood from where he''d been leaning against the central posts and said, "Present your Tithe to Big Johnson!"


    I tilted my head; the dude had to be shorter than me. "Tithe?"


    He nodded. "Any who wish to cross this bridge must gift one part in ten of the wealth they carry to Big Johnson!"


    I looked at my Bois, who shrugged, then took the lead and stepped up until we stood just out of arms'' reach of the dude. I held out my arms and said, "do you see any coin pouches?"


    He licked his lips. "Other tithes can be arranged, if they meet my approval."


    This dick got the full headshake eyeroll combo. "Look, dipshit... do you mind if I call you dipshit? I don''t give a fuck, really. So, dipshit, I might, if Big Johnson not only lives up to his name, but has way better hygiene than most of the guys I''ve met here in Norfolk, let him hit this. But you? Dipshit? I can smell you from here, and no offense but you are just not up to my standard." He growled and took a step toward me. Then froze as a pair of halberds slammed down between us, business ends leaning very pointedly toward him. "Thanks, boys. Okay, dipshit, we''re gonna cross. I''ll let your boss know you tried to get some tithe out of us, but that since we didn''t have cash on us you couldn''t do the math and sent us up to him to sort something out."


    He sat there and seethed while the four of us hopped over the shitty barricade and jogged across the bridge. Then, about halfway across he cackled as the whole middle section of bridge we stood on rotated ninety degrees. It didn''t do it super fast, but the initial movement threw my balance enough that by the time I caught my balance and realized what was going on there was a solid sixty foot gap on either side of our bridge section. A half dozen Lizard Bois crawled onto the bridge from all four sides of the section we stood on; they had spears rather than halberds, but I still didn''t like our odds. I mean, yeah, they come at me there''ll be twelve less armed Lizard Bois, but I didn''t want any of mine getting hurt.


    "Boys? Put your hands on my shoulders." No questions, no hesitation, a second later I had two scaly palms on my left shoulder and one on my right. I stepped us across to the space between the first two buildings in the village. "Okay. Let''s go see if this Johnson is really all that big."


    We walked forward through the biggest village yet. Three concentric rings of buildings, with each ring bowing out further from the last. I heard hammers on anvils, some kind of ongoing crunching sound, and oddly enough something that sounded melodic. Like, maybe some kind of stringed instrument, maybe? Also a kind of clackity clackity noise, kind of a wood on wood thing. I couldn''t see into any of the buildings; the central path ran north-south, and the buildings had windows on the eastern and western sides, but they were high up on the sides. Even my Lizard Bois wouldn''t have been able to see in.


    Nobody got in our way, so we sauntered all the way up to the longhouse itself. A pair of Lizard Bois stood in the way, but my guide stepped in front of them, and after a bit of staring at each other, the door guards thumped their spear butts on the ground once, and my boi opened the doors for me. The moment he did, music drifted out of the room. Weird string music, nothing I remembered hearing before. As if that wasn''t enough, the place practically sparkled compared to the other longhouses I''d been in so far. I took two steps into the room, watching some actually coordinated dancers grooving in a smexy way to the music, a weirdly proportioned dude at the head of the ubiquitous squared horseshoe table swaying to the beat as well.


    I stepped in front of the big guy, my eyes adjusting as I held a letter out to him. I managed to keep my smile friendly rather than hysterical, but only just. The dude''s outfit had to be the weirdest combination of chuuni wraps and black leather over Viking chic that I''d ever seen. To top everything off, he had an old school black eyepatch and a rakish pirate hat. Now, don''t get me wrong; the outfit topped the oddity and edgelord scales, but somehow it came together and worked. If I''d walked in and seen David Bowie in that? Johnny Depp? Even Steven Tyler? Or maybe Finn Wolfhard? Oh, shit, yes, if I''d have walked in and seen Wolfhard in that outfit Saffron would not be sleeping tonight, what with all the tithe paying going on.


    Unfortunately the Jarl''s body didn''t live up to his fashion sense. He reached out and plucked the letter gently with thick, stubby, calloused fingers. He cracked the seal and unfolded the letter with one hand, pulling it in close to his face to read it, sliding the eyepatch out of the way to reveal a perfectly functional eye. I could see one eye on either side of the damn letter darting back and forth as he did. I''d been a little wordy in the text of the letter, but he read through it pretty quick, then sighed, started at the top again and reread it. As he did I took in the rest of him.


    His waistline dominated that side of the table. Dude had to be at least seven, maybe eight feet wide. It wasn''t Dionysus'', Angel''s or now Bill''s comfy padding over muscle, either. Or at least if it was, the fat lay too thick to see any hint of muscle. From how he hunched over the table, I guessed he''d stand taller than he was wide, but not by enough to make him look like anything so much as an edgelord blimp.


    Then he finished reading and pushed himself to his feet. Definitely a Jotunn, I think, but if he was more than fourteen feet tall I''d eat my own underwear. Which would probably take some Co-Location, but you get my point. Then he took a long step backward and bowed. Not just a simple bend at the waist, but a full on flowery thing starting with doffing his hat and whipping it around. I kinda lost track of it, at first because when he stepped back I''d noticed his high heeled chunky platform boots, but after the hat no longer shaded his face I realized this big fat bastard had black kohl around his eyes stretching into some bitchin'' eye liner wings. Lemme tell you, when your head is two foot tall and four feet wide, you can get some insane wing surface going on with those.


    If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.


    I guess the wings captivating me saved me from fucking up the whole social thing too bad, since technically my eyes were pointed somewhere near his, rather than at how his gut strained the waist of his leather pants, or where he had to be cutting off circulation with the arm wrap, or how his scraggly stubbly beard covered two patches of his neck in total. "M''lady Tabitha Diaz, I presume."


    I had no fuckin'' clue what to do, so I grabbed The Dress'' skirt and tried a curtsy. I didn''t drop my eyes, but he sure as fuck did. Right about then a little twitching drew my attention to the fact that the tiny breastplate under his long black short sleeved coat took up maybe a quarter the square footage of his massive codpiece. I locked my eyes back on his awesome eyeliner wings and said, "That''s me. Jarl Big Johnson?"


    He smiled, and even if everything else about him screamed ''fat kid trying to hard'', he had all his teeth and the smile reached his eyes. "Big Jarl Johnson, please. It''s a common enough name. There are three Jarl Johnsons, and," he straightened and tried to preen without moving, "I''m the tallest." I couldn''t speak. If I opened my mouth, I was gonna laugh until somebody killed me. Probably Johnson. Big Johnson. Probably by sitting on me. Which, don''t get me wrong, I would totally deserve for laughing at a poor bastard doing the best he could with the shit hand life dealt him. He sighed and said, "you wish to challenge me for ownership of my Jarldom."


    I nodded, then forced out, "I do," without laughing.


    He nodded. "I''ll need time to prepare the Green. Not to mention sending a messenger to the palace to see if Gregor has anything to say about this. I beg your patience, m''lady, but could you return tomorrow at dusk? I swear to you, should I not have arrangements made and our duel scheduled by that time, I shall forfeit all that I am and have to your..." He kinda stuttered to a stop, his eyes having slid of their own accord back to south of my border.


    I hopped up on the table, which didn''t put us eye to eye, but put me at maybe a Saffron to his Marie, and said, "one condition," and waved him over. When he bent his ear to my mouth, I whispered to him, and he shot back upright, eyes wide. I nodded. "Only fair, right?"


    "CLEAR THE HALL! BIG JOHNSON HAS SPOKEN!"


    The Warriors, the Thralls, hell, even the Lizard Bois all sprinted for the doors. Hell, I kinda felt an urge to leave, and I''m the one that prompted this shit. I nodded to my Bois, and they followed the crowd out, closing the door behind themselves. When we stood there alone, he smiled, an oddly shy thing, and pulled two strings at his waist. His Bowie-esque codpiece slammed into the floor with a resounding clang.


    "Damn, Jarl. You certainly live up to the name." He took half a step toward me, only to stop when I held up a hand. "Hey, you got a look, I wanted to see if the living legend was alive... which he certainly is alive and waking up at the moment, ain''t he?" I shook my head and pushed my hand a bit, just to re-emphasize the ''no''. "I''m damned impressed, and if you ever need a wingman once I''ve taken all your shit, lemme know and we''ll get you hooked up. Gotta be some size queens out there whose nips would cut glass looking at that, but..." I couldn''t help it, I shuddered. "Nope. Too big."


    He smirked. "M''lady is too kind."


    "Nah, if I were kind I''d give you a handy or something. Maybe both hands? Holy crap, I think it''s bigger around than Hilde''s waist." Look, I know I was kinda going on, but you get to a certain size and shit gets just, fascinating, even if it''s terrifying to the degree of all the nope. "Anyway, condition met, I''ll be back tomorrow night to discuss the duel details."


    "M''lady is gracious."


    "Oh, hey, can my Lizard Bois stay here with you until I get back?"


    He frowned, "you wish me to stable your Trolls?"


    I blinked. "Uh... I guess? Not thrilled with ''stable'', but as long as they''re getting as much shelter and nosh as your Bois, I guess I can''t complain."


    "As m''lady wishes, I shall make it so. Until tomorrow." I realized just then that he could have been coming off as super smarmy, but frankly everything he''d said held the absolute conviction of somebody who meant every word.


    I stepped back home, my head still shaking a little, and after a post run rubdown from Marie where Saffron teased me every time Isnomi wasn''t looking, we all cuddled up and went to sleep in an actual bed that wasn''t made of grass.


    Dommy Mommy sounded kinda pissed off by now. Mimic hid under her own enormous ass.


    In the morning, I hopped over to Lancaster House, where I collected Hilde from the Scrying Room. Larry''d had a pair of desks moved into the room, and if the one with Slayer displayed prominently on a mini-sword stand stood otherwise empty while he stood in the room arranging scrying bowls, Bonnie had stacks of actual ledgers atop hers, with one open. She marked her place as I showed up using a leather bookmark Hilde handed her. "Hey Larry, Bonnie. Thanks for looking after her. Sorry I didn''t get back here yesterday."


    "The honor is ours, Commander." Larry nodded and went back to his Scrying.


    Bonnie nodded and smiled. "She''s been an absolute dear, just looking for ways to help out. Where did you find her?"


    "Norfolk."


    Her smile faltered. "Oh."


    "Yeah. I''m lining up a Foster for her up toward New Amsterdam."


    Larry looked up. "Please, Commander. It would be our honor to Foster her for you."


    I shook my head. "I would, Larry. You guys would be my first choice. If something ever happens to Saffron, Marie, and I? You two are the first ones I''d want taking Isnomi in. But... I''m trying to keep Hilde out of the sight of somebody for the next couple years. Somebody I expect will wind up coming here on the regular."


    He smiled. So weird to see him smile without it being cruel or mean. "I understand, Commander. Know that should you or yours ever need shelter, our doors are open, and your rooms have been set aside for your family''s personal use."


    I shot him a look. "Don''t make refugees sleep on the floor for that."


    He just nodded serenely. "As you command."


    I reached out a hand to Hilde, "you ready to go?"


    She looked up, eyes wide, then threw her arms around Bonnie in a big hug. Then she scampered over to Larry, did the same, then practically tripped over herself getting back to my hand.


    Boss? A hand to Ora''s place? I''m gonna need Antony there, too. A hand gripped mine, I took a step, and we stood in a neat little apartment. Thanks Boss, you''re the best.


    I know.


    A moment later, Antony Pesce stood in front of us in all his hairy glory, wearing a copy of The Dress in the now traditional commando mode. He curtsied "Watchu need, High Priestess?"


    Behind me a chair slid back, and Ora scampered in front of me. Nobody else could look that much like fuckin'' Ophelia. Then again, she had none of the bitch mode going on when she pinched both sides of her Kid''s Bop version of The Dress and curtsied. She definitely wasn''t going commando; hell, she practically had crimson boy-shorts on underneath her skirts. "How may we serve you, Priestess High Set Above All Others?"


    I smiled at both of them. "Hey, guys, call me Tabitha. Loki tells me you''re good people, and if we can''t trust him, we''re all kinda fucked, aren''t we?" If Antony frowned a bit at my profanity, Ora just giggled.


    "Yes, Priestess Tabitha."


    "You got it, Tabitha."


    I nodded, then pulled Hilde around from where she''d been hiding behind me. Ora immediately got dress up doll eyes looking at Hilde, but not in a bad way. Antony just seemed to double down on his Big Brother energy. "Okay, guys. Here''s the deal. Hilde here needs Fostering, and I need you two to take care of it. Before you say anything, Ora, she also needs to be out of sight. Hidden. Above all, the Imperator cannot have knowledge of where she''d located, because reasons. Got it?"


    Before Ora could say anything, Antony blurted out, "we don''t wanna know why, do we?"


    "No, you absolutely do not. I''m thinking she stays with you or somebody near you, where you can keep close eye on her, make sure she gets whatever education and training she can, make sure she''s taken care of well. And Ora?"


    "Yes?"


    "I don''t want this to have caring for her causing anybody over in Newark financial trouble. Also, if someone starts sniffing around looking for her, and I mean anyone at all, I want you leading them a merry fuckin chase through all the boroughs looking for her. Got it?"


    "Yes, Priestess Tabitha."


    "Cool." I turned to Hilde. "I''m gonna be leaving you here with Ora and Antony. They''ll take care of you, you do what they tell you. Got it?" When she nodded, tearing up, I pulled her into a tight hug, whispering for her ears alone. "Saffron can''t know where you are, which means I really shouldn''t know either. Not for now. But..."


    "But?" she breathed.


    "Should Cadet Hilde want to pay a visit a few years from now, I''m pretty sure she might surprise the Imperator in the best way possible." She pulled back. Our eyes met, and after a moment she nodded and stepped over to stand beside Ora. "Okay, then, I gotta get going."


    I stepped home and spent the day doing some concentrated ogling of Saffron while she worked at her desk. I swear, I could watch that woman nerd out for hours, even days on end. I mean, the place would probably wind up stinking to high heaven of pumpkin pie spice from the frequent self service, but she''s just too adorable for words.


    So at the end of the day I jumped back to Big Jarl Johnson''s longhouse to find him sitting alone behind the table. "Hey, Johnson. Why the long face?"


    He smiled. "M''lady, you''re the first to call my face long. But I must tell you that though I tried, Gregor insisted I have a champion face you for the right to duel me. So tomorrow, one hour after midday, you will face Anundr the Mage in a Duel Arcane. Should you defeat him, I and my seconds will be ready to face you in a contest of melodies and harmonies at your convenience. Although sadly I must insist that you forfeit should you not be ready to face me within six days."


    I just stood there, blinking at how weird my life had gotten. Like, ''Isekai''d into being an Apocalypse Goddess?'' Weird, yeah, but I''d seen weirder shit in Anime. But this?


    By this time tomorrow, I''d have to win a Mage Duel to earn my spot in a fuckin'' Battle of the Bands.


    I apologize to the Fates for all the mean things I said about them. Nobody smoking that much crack rock could really be held to account for their actions.

 Day Three Hundred

    Dear Diary,


    Some days you''re just doing your thing, rocking your enemies'' collective shit, collecting happy wife tokens to exchange for carnal bliss, harvesting useful, interesting, or amusing Mortals, and then all of a sudden life shits on you, sideways.


    Sorry, I''m having a very Mor day today. Fucks with my head just an apocalyptic bit.


    Anyway, yesterday after I confirmed the timing with Big Jarl Johnson, not to mention that yes, I would be fighting a Mage Duel in order to secure my spot in a two-band Battle of the Bands, I shook the Jarl''s hand, which was a weird experience in and of itself, what with his fingertips being roughly the size of mine, but the joints nearest his hands being the size of chubs of bologna. Left his whole hands looking like one of those industrial robot arms or some shit.


    The man had some grace and graciousness though. After shaking my hand he gently nudged it around atop his, popped off a Loki-worthy fancy bow, then brought lips the size of baguettes down to brush my knuckles. "Until tomorrow then, m''lady."


    "Normally I''d take somebody''s fingers off for doing shit like that," he winced, but before he could open his mouth to apologize, I continued. "But I think you get a pass. Just to be clear, way too big, hard pass, thanks for the offer. But you''ve got style, Johnson. I''m glad I''m not gonna play ''who can bleed on the floor longer'' with you tomorrow."


    "M''lady is too kind."


    "Nah. I''m an absolute bitch. You''re just a decent guy with some edgy fashion sense." I paused. "Wait, you don''t like guys, do you?"


    He pulled back looking sorta horrified. "No!"


    I shrugged. He was either serious and honest, or eating Turkish Delight, and it really wasn''t my business to get into which. "No offense intended. Just, y''know, if you wind up my lackey tomorrow, that''s just another reason I need to keep an eye out for folks who''d go gaga over being serenaded by Your Pneumatic Romance. See you tomorrow!"


    With that I stepped back home to what passed for domestic tranquility. In this case Menace trying to get to her glider by hopping off of her bed, with Saffron sitting at her desk double facepalming and Marie playing goalie, blocking Isnomi mid-leap so she fell back onto her bed growling. "OI! The fuck''s going on, Mini-Bitch!"


    "FAI! WANNA FAI!"


    "The fuck? It''s dark o clock."


    "Yeth." She folded her arms and glared at me like I was being deliberately stupid. "Wanna fai ad nide to thee gamma."


    Something struck me just then, and I put on my best Mom voice and said, "Menace, open your mouth."


    She gave me a booger look, then threw open her maw the way kids do when they''re trying for ''I''mma disgust you by showing you my uvula''. Unfortunately for her, I''d upgraded my game to ''tonsils'' back in Camden. Unfortunately for me, the inside of my daughter''s mouth didn''t look so much like ''cranky toddler'' as ''Xenomorph, Lamprey, and Megalodon made a scary-mouthed baby''. "AHHHHH!"


    "Okay, Menace. You can shut it now." At least now I knew why her speech impediment seemed to come and go with her moods. I was not thrilled that her mouth looked like a less pleasant alternative to an industrial recycling shredder, but fuck it, she was weaned, and if I could somehow snap a polaroid that in and of itself would put paid to any future suitors trying to force something into her mouth. Okay, any that did so after seeing what I just saw deserve exactly what they got. Or lost, really, which would probably include the vast majority of their pelvic region. Like nips to knees. Really glad she was weaned at this point.


    I shook my head as her jaw levered itself back into cutie mode. "It''s nighttime, Menace. Grandma would have enough trouble on the roof during the..." Something in her face changed, but as she opened her mouth, I held up one hand to let my train of thought slide to a stop, pick it up, and put it back on the rails. "Grandma."


    "Yeth."


    I facepalmed. "Menace, you may not fly at night until your brother has equipped your glider with lights. Powerful ones." Saffron de-face-palmed, looking thoughtful. She hadn''t figured it out, which amazed me until I realized that this might be one of those occasions where more than one Blend might be working against her. I wasn''t about to tell her here and now in front of everybody, either. "Really big powerful lights so no matter how high up you get or how far away you are, we can still see you."


    Isnomi looked annoyed, but said, "ah-tay..."


    "Also, your brother will be going over night flying with you as well. I don''t remember the details, but I know air moves different at night and shit. And for your first couple flights? You will stay close, just in case something goes wrong. Got it?"


    Now that the argument wasn''t ''fly versus no fly'', but ''rules you have to obey to fly'', she got a lot less mulish. "Ah-tay." She hopped off her bed and headed toward the armoire.


    "Not tonight, Menace. It''s bedtime now, and if your brother is still up that''s on him, because he''s an adult. She started to visibly swell upward and I cut her off. "None of that, Isnomi Aetos-Diaz. You still need your sleep to grow, you know."


    She re-folded her arms and plopped back onto her bed with a huff. "How I fai ad nide if I seep ad nide?"


    "You''ll take a nap in the afternoon the day before." I turned to Saffron. "Does all that make sense?"


    She sighed, stood, and came over to snuggle under my arm. "I''m a little too terrified to be certain, but you seem rational enough at the moment, and I trust you. I don''t see any points of contention that don''t boil down to," she paused, then shrieked, "MY BABY IS GOING TO GET LOST IN THE DARK!" Then she slumped against me. "Sorry, everyone."


    Marie just chuckle purred and said, "de nada."


    "Yeah, it''s okay, Kitten. But our little Menace is a precocious tyke. Chaining her down will only do to her what poor nutrition did to your height." When she looked up at me with something cranky already leaking out of her mouth, I leaned down and silenced her. Angry kisses aren''t normally my thing, but even if she got more than the normal amount bitey, it was definitely one of the spicier lip only kisses she''d given me, and I''m including ones involving entirely different lips in that. Angry Kitten Kisses Good. When I pulled up for air I said, "Don''t get me wrong, I love you fun sized, but my point, that tying her down will just keep her from growing up to be all she can be?"


    She deflated. "Yes. I know. You''re right." This is still going on the Ledger. For doing so much Momming above and beyond when I can''t properly reward you if nothing else.


    Fair. "Wow. Kinda freaky hearing you say that to me. Gonna make my head swell. But," I looked at Isnomi. "There will be rules, because just like chaining you down will keep you from growing, so will you getting hurt, or even hurting someone else you care about. Understand?"


    "Yeth." She''d wound down to vaguely pouty and tired.


    "For now? Get your little ass in bed and to sleep, scamp." She grinned, flopped over sideways onto her bed, and started fake-snoring. We all had a little laugh at that, then helped each other get ready for bed, which tonight meant Marie''s floor bed. Because none of us were unaware of exactly how possible it would be for Menace to sneak into her brother''s room while we all slept in our bed.


    Dommy Mommy had hit that place beyond pissed where abusive parents got all sweetness, calling for their kids to just come out, everything would be fine. I no longer mocked Mimic in any way for hiding under her own fat ass. I swear if this bitch had parents they''d be Ragyou Kiryuin and Isaac''s Mom.


    Woke up to pressure on my chest. Opened my eyes to see Menace sitting atop me tailor fashion, staring at me. I sighed, rolled my joints to stretch them, then said, "okay, you can go ask, but only after I''ve spoken with him, so he knows what I want him to add. Got it?" When she nodded, her squee so high pitched the wax in my ears melted, I added, "also? I''d really appreciate it if you wait until a night when I don''t have a fight the day before or after. Mama wants to be there to see you, because I''m so proud of how fearless you are, my little Menace."


    She just grinned wider. I think she squeed louder, but I can''t be sure, because she climbed straight off my upper register. I set her on the bed and went to talk to Conrad.


    I stuck my head into his workshop and called out, "Son?"


    He popped up from beside me, "Yes, mother?"


    "I need to have a quick talk with you. Do you mind if I shut the door behind us?"


    He frowned. "Of course not, mother. Have I displeased you?"


    I smiled, shook my head, and pulled him into a hug as the door slid shut. "No, son. Not at all. But I need something from you."


    "Name it."


    "It''s for your sister."


    He rolled his eyes. "of course it is." Then sighed. "Fine. What does she need."


    I took a deep breath. "I need you to arm her glider." Before he could speak, I said, "specifically, she wants to fly at night."


    He said, "there are a variety of lights I could add for identification and navigation, but... weaponry?" He dropped his voice and muttered, "I pity the owl that tries to eat her. Or Wyvern. Or Dragon." Then he smiled. "That might be entertaining to watch, really."


    I didn''t want to say anything plainly, because even in his Workshop, with my Blend up, I didn''t want her hearing. "She does need lights. And there''s a reason I said she needs them to be weapons."


    It didn''t take him long. I''d put money on Saffron being smarter than him, but not by too fuckin'' much, and he had a multi-century head start. "You''d have me craft a weapon to kill her?"


    I shook my head the tiniest bit. "Not that she doesn''t deserve it, but Menace is looking for Grandma. So no. Not kill her." At that moment inspiration hit. Understanding. I realized just how right I was when Conrad winced like I''d just gut punched him over ninety percent of his body. I pulled him to me, murmuring like I''d do to Isnomi or Saffron when one of them was hurt or scared. "It''s okay, son. It wasn''t on purpose. Just kinda popped into my head. But I think I can make it up to you."


    He looked up at me, surprised and offended by finding himself comforted in my arms. "What could make that up to me."


    I shot him my cruelest grin and said, "I want you to craft a weapon to terrify her." His face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning, only slowly, like it couldn''t encompass all that joy at one time and had to implement it in stages. He stood there practically vibrating with the need to get to work. "Go on, son. I''ve got to get to work, but I can''t wait to see your finished work."


    He paused, "Even if it terrifies you too?"


    "No. Especially then, son."


    I left his Workshop and slid the door shut on the sounds of boilers boiling, triphammers hammering, and furnaces roaring.


    "Okay, Menace. I think he''s okay with rigging your glider for night flying, but you still need to ask him for that and night flying lessons. Got it?"


    "Goddid."


    "Good."


    After that, the two of us played quiet toddler games, which this morning included a four way conversation between Menace, me, Vulcan, and Mister Kraken. When Marie and Saffron woke up, we went down and got breakfast, which still featured corncakes and tortillas, although the tortillas had a lot more spring vegetables in them, and we''d gotten some kind of fish cakes on the side as well. I had fun feeding Saffron, and for once she didn''t seem embarrassed. She practically hammed up her enjoyment of the syrup saturated corncake, and I loved every moment of it.


    "You''re in rare form this morning."


    She Grinned at me. "I''m not sure why it took so long, but somehow it just clicked. You''re not ashamed of me being weak like this, nor afraid of the consequences."


    "It''s not weak..."


    She interrupted me. "It absolutely is from my perspective, and I realized something more important."


    "Which is?"


    She stopped, licked her lips and mine, not to mention my fingers and even up to my wrists. I hadn''t really been being careful with my Kitten feeding, because I really liked the way she habitually cleaned me up. "For the first time in my life? Around you? With this? I feel completely safe being weak. No, that''s not it, not enough. I feel completely safe reveling in my weakness."


    I Grinned right back at her. "If this is you ''reveling in weakness''? I''m more than ''not ashamed''. I think it''s fuckin'' awesome, and until and unless both of us are down to do it on the Lectern while the Council is in session, this qualifies as the most fun we can have in public."


    She leaned over, crawling on the table until we were forehead to forehead, nose to nose, and sang out, "that makes it even better!" Then she giggled, leaned next to my ear, and whispered, "not unlike reacting to you, and you alone, feeding me while I''m having to keep a straight face eating Driver''s crepes at the Grand Council breakfast..."


    "Isnomi comes by her scamp honestly, I see..."


    "...and more crepes in Driver''s kitchen."


    This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    "Really?"


    "...and waffles with the Lancasters, since I need to conference with them about moving the military through Lancaster today."


    "Oh fuck, Kitten..." I''d started laughing with my ''really'', and now it wouldn''t stop.


    "...and maybe more waffles in the Lancaster House kitchen."


    I could barely get the words out, "you done yet?"


    Putting one finger to her lips in an adorable blend of ''did I forget anything'' and ''I done a bad thing, mommy'', she said, "maybe one last me in the larder downstairs who stole another bottle of syrup when you started feeding me."


    I stared at her perfect little face, into her wide eyes with her perfect fake innocent expression until I couldn''t take it any more, pulled her to me with both hands and kissed her.


    How often do you do this, Kitten?


    This, like this? This is the first time, and from now on? Only when you''re feeding me. Because I know you, my wife, and I know that if you are consistent about anything, it is how you love to ''turn things up to eleven''. So for you, even my thrilled, shameful, exultant open revelry with sweets will be turned up to eleven.


    I love you.


    And I you, my Goddess, my Goof, my love, my wife.


    When we finally broke liplock, I booped her on the nose and thought, still not telling you where I stashed Hilde.


    Her jaw dropped. "You think I did this to bribe you about that?"


    I shook my head. "No, I think you trusting me enough to do something you didn''t trust yourself with let you realize how much you could trust and let yourself go like this, with this."


    Any congealing hurt evaporated, as she pondered that. "You may be right..."


    Besides, someone may have whispered in her ear that once she''s removed the problems of ''too young'' and ''too desperate'', if she''s still interested she''s welcome to come surprise you. Those last couple words might be in the wrong order though.


    She just blinked at me. "You..."


    "So, if you''re patient, and control yourself, and maybe get the slightest bit lucky, there will definitely be sweet treats in your future, Kitten."


    She teetered between laughing and outrage for a bit before tumbling off the table into my arms. "You are awful and terrible and I love you with every bit of my tyrannical heart, Goof."


    "And you are adorkably beautiful, and I love you more than life itself, Kitten."


    "Why do I bother trying to tell you two to get a room?"


    "Oh, stuff a sock in it, Raven. They''re adorable." Good to know Angel was fully back to having our back without hesitation.


    "My point exactly."


    After a morning spent Saffron watching, because I needed to keep myself focused, right after lunch I stepped onto Big Jarl Johnson''s Green. I hardly recognized the place; I mean, the Green had been flatter than most, but the grass had been trimmed down to a near level surface. Bleachers ringed the Green, the only gap being at the river next to the bridge, and people ranging from babes-in-arms to little old ladies filled them. They chatted with each other, passing bags of steaming stuff back and forth, some of them reaching in for snacks. When I showed up, the first who noticed pointed and called out something my brain translated as "she''s here!" The cry ran along the bleachers. Some people shook their fists. Some waved. Most shouted.


    I turned at motion from the end of the bridge. Big Jarl Johnson stood there with a dude he dwarfed by comparison, a dude in long, fancy, gilt robes. They both strode toward me until mage dude stood in easy conversational distance, Johnson hovering behind him. "Jarl Diaz? This is Anundr the Mage, Duelist and Hero of Norfolk. Anundr? This is Jarl Diaz, who is dueling you to secure her right to challenge me. You will be dueling within the Green, and will begin when I call begin. Do you both understand?"


    "Yep."


    "As we discussed, I do, Jarl Johnson."


    Johnson nodded. "Good. Any other stipulations?"


    Anundr glared at me. "Will you accept a Summoning Duel, with our Summons limited to the Dueling field?"


    "Uh... sure." I paused. "What''s a summoning duel? Do I need to go catch a field mouse and shove lightning bolt up its ass?"


    He shook his head. "We do not attack each other directly. We use Spells to summon up creatures, who then attack our opponent, who may summon creatures to defend themselves or to attack in turn."


    "Oh. Shit. I don''t know how to do that."


    A sleazy smile leaked across his face. "You shouldn''t have agreed to it then."


    "I didn... fuck. I did, didn''t I. Shit. Wait, can you not summon anything cute and fuzzy? My daughter might be watching, and I don''t want her watching me off a bunch of kittens or some shit."


    "I do not agree to that. Thank you for the information, however."


    "You''re a fuckin'' piece of work, aren''t you?"


    He shrugged. "I kill people for money in front of spectators, and your problem is that I intend to use ''cute, fuzzy'' things to do so?"


    "When I figure out a way to kill the fuck out of you without doing it myself, I''m gonna fap thinking about how hard I made you die."


    Fucker just laughed at me, so I stepped to the far side of the field, amplified my voice and called out, "I''m ready."


    While Big Jarl Johnson did a whole announcement and buildup, which everybody in the stands cheered for, I thought, Boss?


    Yes, Tabitha?


    I can''t just Co-Locate one of me, call it a summon, and kill the fuck out of him, can I?


    Of course you could. You''d just be accused of cheating by anyone who doesn''t understand how similar Summons and Co-Location are.


    I sighed. Any people around who understand that?


    You do, now.


    I facepalmed. Anyone else?


    I do. I suspect your wife would should she spend more than a moment thinking on it.


    Anyone I can bring in to tell them I didn''t cheat?


    Since I''ve declared myself your father and am therefore clearly biased? No.


    Fuck.


    Indeed.


    After a second I thought, Can you teach me to Summon?


    Only after I find someone to teach me.


    Double fuck.


    I wouldn''t know about that. I have no concubines.


    I shook my head as Johnson started a countdown from ten. Thanks, Boss. You tried. You''re still the best.


    I''m sorry.


    "GO!"


    I stood there as Anundr Shaped. A moment later an entire pack of wolves, dozens strong, appeared through a twist in space. Big fuckers. They charged toward me, howling enough to overwhelm the screams of excitement from the crowd. I shook my head, pulled my swordstave, and threw up an Air Shield behind me. I figured maybe I could bounce through them and go to town with the flats of the blades, maybe scare them off or beat them up instead of outright murdering a bunch of poor wolves.


    Maybe fifty feet from me, as I braced myself to leap forward, the howling cut off like a switch, and the whole damn pack slid to a stop like ten feet away from me.


    "Oh, shit. Really?" I stepped forward, one empty hand raised, palm up, below waist height. "Wolfie? That you?" Once I got a closer look at him, I saw his fur had pale streaks, like scars covering him where a wyvern might have mauled him. "My little Menace''s Wolf?"


    He stepped up, sniffed my hand, tail wagging, and I ruffled the fur around his neck. Holding back laughter, I asked, "hey, you see that guy in the robes over there?" He turned and looked. "Yeah, he''s the one that summoned you here. Be careful, he''s a mage and shit, but can you guys maybe go kill him a bunch?"


    He looked back at me, looked around at his pack, then growled a little. The rest of them turned, and they took off toward Anundr with a way more coordinated howl than what they''d done before. Johnson kept up his announcer schtick, saying, "It looks like Jarl Diaz has coopted Mage Anundr''s Wolves! It''s a bold strategy, let''s see if it pays off for her!"


    Fates smokin'' crack rock, I tell you.


    In the time it took the wolves to cross half the Green, Anundr Shaped again, and half a dozen chunky big black bears dropped to the ground facing the incoming wolfpack. Before I could decide whether to go help or not, Anundr Summoned again. This time the things he Summoned didn''t drop. A pair of wyverns caught themselves in the air, then split up as they approached me. One went up, obviously prepping for a dive bomb. The other flew along the outside of the Green, angling to come at me from the side. I waited, watching, timing their approach. As they began their final charge, I powered up the Mana Blades on my swordstave, popping out big thin fuckers long enough to spit roast a fuckin wyvern. The Blades might not go through their hide, even if I focused all the force on one point, but so long as they had eyes, mouths, nostrils, and all purpose exit holes, I had targets. Besides, I still had the actual sword blades if I couldn''t keep them out of reach.


    Of course, the moment I popped those big fucking Mana Blades? Both wyverns did absolute ''fuck this shit I''m out'' maneuvers. I winced as the one coming in from the side tumbled in a way that would carry them into the bleachers, but the moment before it hit, it winked out of existence. The one coming in from the top managed to pull up just in time to disappear before he turned himself into street pizza as well.


    Boss? I didn''t think any wyverns survived that battle.


    It was dusk, wyverns do prefer ambush tactics, and a Dragon had just arrived; likely any survivors scattered and hid.


    Huh. Good to... fuck, can you tell the Norns to lay off the crack rock for just a little bit.


    At the other end of the field, all but a few bears bunched in front of Anundr lay dead, the pack surrounding them. But a few pack members had already taken the same path of valorous discretion the wyverns had, because right in the middle of the Green an even bigger goddamned Dragon than the one we''d taken down hovered, screaming with rage.


    Okay, Boss, how the fuck did he teleport a fucking Dragon here? Aren''t those fuckers Mana Resistant and shit? Fuck, aren''t the wyverns?


    I''m impressed by his Mana capacity, really.


    Not the time to be geeking out about the enemy''s big Mana dick, boss.


    Of course, Champion. Summoning is quite like Co-Location, but it is not the same. If I remember the theory...


    Incoming Dragon, Boss!


    Right. Copies created with Mana, imbued with the mind of the Summoned entity.


    I threw up a pair of Wards, one the strongest Mana Ward I could, the other a Ward against Fire as the Dragon landed right in front of me and brought its front claws down on top of me. My fuckin'' Mana Ward crunched, but held. The Dragon pulled its paw back, snarling and shaking it, then drew in a deep breath. At the very last moment I remembered, and threw up another Ward against Acid. A fucking avalanche of tiny melting, flaming bits of solidified acid washed over me. I glanced behind me, suddenly relieved at how the wyverns and wolves blinked away when they hit the edge of the Green.


    Then the avalanche rolled over the edge of the green into the stands. Over the guys on their feet in front, caught still cheering, making the same wrong assumption I had. Over the teens behind them cowering, eyes wide. Over the woman who''d spun around, curling herself around the tiny figure in her arms.


    Blind unthinking rage threw everything else from my head. "No."


    I reached out toward the motionless woman through the still wireframe darkness. The next moment I lay on flat grass, the breath knocked out of me. Here, in the frozen moment between moments, nothing moved. Nothing could move.


    Nothing looked down on me and screamed, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY SON!"


    The nothing in front of my eyes didn''t matter. Nothing mattered but a tiny body about to be scoured to slurry by sharpened crystals of burning acid. Nothing picked me up, slammed me back into the ground. "MY SON! MY SENGANN! YOU REEK OF HIM! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM!"


    I closed my eyes, rage buoying me, filling me, flowing into me like a tidal bore, more than I''d ever felt before. Nothing lifted me, shoved me toward the ground.


    And the air went out of me as I stopped, hanging there in midair, grabbing at Nothing. "Domnu."


    Everything that wasn''t slid toward me, focusing on me. My body vibrated with the power she poured into me, trying to force me down. "WHERE! IS! MY! SON!"


    Some tiny spark inside the rage ignited, like a pinch of copper salt throw into a bonfire. A handful. A bucketful. "I dunno, Dommy. Maybe I smell so much like him because your son calls me Mommy too."


    Darkness poured down, condensing above me into a towering female figure, each finger of her hand big enough to squish Big Johnson like a bug. I felt the flow as she drew herself here, concentrated her power to squash the insolent insect mocking her loss. I remembered that flow, what Sengann had done when he pulled all the parts of himself together to face me. Before he knew who I was. I remembered threading my Mana Blade up through Odin''s thigh. Pushing my Blend up around everything but my body, I threaded myself through her. "YOU DARE!" The weight of her anger, her power, bore down on me, crushing me.


    Trying to, anyway. Dumb bitch. The depths, where everything crushed everything into something new? The ocean depths she thought of as hers? The depths of stars where she dare not tread? The depth of fallen stars? Mine. All mine. "Wait, I remember last time I saw him! What did he say to me?" I paused as if in thought. Before she could scream in my face again, I called out, "oh, yeah, I think it was something like, ''ooh, Mommy, so rough, you hurt me so good Mommy, you''re better than Domnu, don''t stop, Mommy, don''t stop, don''t stop, I think I''m gonna, I''m gonna,'' then I got bored with his selfish quickie having ass and burned him to death. Didn''t even get off on that; he was a completely useless bastard to his excruciatingly painful end."


    "I WILL..."


    "Die horribly, screaming in cowardly terror and pain just like your fucking useless fucking son?"


    She lifted me to hover in front of the blank dark oval of her face, snarling laughter echoing. I let her. "Who are you to think you can end me? ME? I am Darkness incarnate, you insignificant insect. I am night. How can you end night itself?"


    I remembered Saffron Shaping the illusion of emptiness above Bonnie and Larry''s wedding altar. I poured Mana into a memory. "Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair. Bitch." The globe floated between us. Night broken, shattered, scattered into a billion pockets of dim shadow by the unending glow of a hundred billion lights.


    She gasped, and with every one of those tiny threads through her being, I pulled. Pulled every bit of her closer, denser, capturing her from the inside even more thoroughly than I''d cupped Sengann in my hands. She struggled, but I pulled Mana from inside her and crushed her down, crushed her with the weight of the sea, crushed her with the weight of fallen stars, crushed her until she floated in front of me, arm outstretched, hand squeezing my throat futilely. I gave her my best eyelids fluttering closed impending O face and said, "ooh, Dommy Mommy kinky." My eyelashes fluttered as she poured every bit of her strength into trying to crush the uncrushable, I moaned out, "harder, Mommy, harder!"


    She screamed, her face forming into something with a mouth that could scream, nostrils that could flare, eyes that could glare, and threw her other hand around my neck, squeezing with all her might. I tried to fake it, I really did, but the tiniest of chuckles escaped me, and that broke a damn dam. Laughter flooded out of me, shaking the wireframes of the world. Shaking the gaps between them. Vibrating the threads of me through her. I felt the first tiny chink in her rage, reached out, cupped her face in my hands, looking up with all the adoration of a lover or child. I pulled her to me, bending her arms while her hands still tried to crush my throat. I kissed her gently on the forehead, let her push me away just far enough to look her in the eye, and whispered quietly, breathily, intimately, "you want to know who I am?"


    I dropped my Blend.


    "Hi, Mom."


    She shrieked. Writhed. Tried to run. Tried to disperse. Tried to move. I watched her, impassive, as her fear conquered her completely and she shuddered, screaming, trying to get way.


    "So fuckin'' rude. No wonder you interrupted something important, really. I''ll be back in a sec... wait, no seconds here." I did my best Austrian accent and said, "I''ll be back." I floated to the ground, then floated back up and backhanded her. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" She went silent and I floated back to the wireframe of the Dragon. "Bitchy shrieking getting on my nerves."


    I looked up at the Dragon. "Begone." It shuddered, but remained. Rage overcame me again. Black fuzziness wrapped around the Dragon, squeezed, crushed it like a cheap beer can. Fluids leaked out everywhere, frozen in the act of being expelled. "I SAID FUCKIN BEGONE, YOU DUMB DRACONIC FUCK!" I yeeted it into the sun. Okay, ''sunward''. I looked at the clouds of acid, crystallized and not. "Go." All of it disappeared, sucked back into a Draconic cloaca. I stepped over to the cowering Thralls, frozen as they dissolved. "Be whole." The front of the men, the arms of the cowering teens, the back of the crouched mother, all of it reformed in the wireframe.


    I stepped back over to hover in front of Domnu. "Do you know why you''re alive?"


    "Vengeance," she whispered.


    I shrugged. "Eh. I thought about it. Maybe, if you hurt somebody I cared about? But you haven''t done that. Yet. And if I kill you? That''s not vengeance. Y''know what vengeance would be?" She hung there, silent. "A box."


    She whimpered. I reached out, lay my hands on her shoulders. "But that''s not who I want to be, y''see. Unless you push shit in ways I can''t ignore? You get to live. You know why?"


    "Mercy?"


    I shrugged again. "I guess this is merciful? Maybe? But honestly? I don''t give enough of a shit about you any more to even claim mercy." She just whimpered at me. "Do you know who does care about you?" She just whimpered more. "HEY! DOMNU! YOU IN THERE STILL! Don''t go fuckin'' catatonic on me now."


    "Who cares, if not the daughter I imprisoned, abandoned, and killed?"


    "Your granddaughter."


    "My..."


    "Yeah. I got kids now, Mom. If you''re real obedient and convince me I can trust you near her? You''ll get to meet them, pretend to be something approaching a decent entity who cares about her kids, her grandkids." She blinked, and I said, "I know you can do it. Fake it, at least. You did it for Sengann."


    "And if I cannot?"


    I reached through the fibers of me threaded through her and Mimicked her. Then I took control of her mouth and, in harmony with her said, "I''ll do my best to make sure she never knows."


    She shuddered, then slumped. "What must I do?"


    I turned back to myself, lowered both of us to the ground, stepped us over to a couple dozen feet away from Anundr. "Just do what I tell you."


    I pushed my Blend back up to normal, then spoke to Time itself. "Go."


    Color bled back into the world. The Dragon shrieked as its corpse flew toward the sun. Which surprised me by looking like it fuckin'' dipped down to catch the fuckin'' thing in an absolutely unsurvivable embrace. In a voice amplified to carry over the whole fuckin'' stadium, I hollered, "DOMNU! I choose you!" She stepped where I pointed in front of me, a woman shape formed out of an absence of light. The screaming from the stadiums cut off like I''d thrown a switch, replaced by a terrified stillness.


    Anundr opened his mouth. Before he could say anything, I said, still amplified, "that bystander-killing fuck stick pissed me off. End him. Painfully."


    Gotta say, though she is absolutely the actual True OG Bitch, Mom follows instructions really well.

 Day Three Hundred And One

    Dear Diary,


    I am more than a little bit disturbed at how much my viewpoint and assumptions change when I tap into the full power of Mimic like yesterday.


    I mean, I get it. I''m a chick from Camden who happened to get both the top and bottom of the karma sliders balancing them out all at once with the ''get shot in the head and fed to an octopus'' and ''incarnate as the Avatar of the uber-Goddess'' in the same instant. She''s an animate land mass with the IQ of a houseplant. We''re not going to see things the same way. Really, when I think about it, I mean really think about the times where she and I have somehow slid into sync to the point where we might as well be a single entity, I''m not even that upset about it. Seriously. The only times I can recall where that''s happened are when an infant''s life was on the line. Okay, that got parlayed into a shit ton of emergency healing during the Plague, and into binding Domnu into my own personal Pokebitch yesterday, but I can''t say I''m upset about the overlap in the Venn Diagram of she and me.


    It''s not that part that gets me. It''s... subtle things. Or maybe not so subtle, but things I don''t notice when they leak over until something shoves them in my face.


    I do not ''harvest useful, interesting, or amusing Mortals,'' I make friends. Which, since I''m talking about actual real friends I would Do Crime with or for, rather than just occasional online gaming partners or fuck buddies, is a new experience for me. But even if they''re not in a position where we''re gonna start melting into one another and finishing each other''s sandwiches, they''re still people. Not things, or even pets.


    Oh, shit! I need to ask Marie if she wants to be a pet. Normally I''d say ''of course not'', but she''s my goddamned Concubine, and that one word now revs my engine and slams me into gear while simultaneously wrenching the emergency brake and slamming my foot down on the floor brake at the same time. But she''s my Concubine, that title specifically, with all the implications about who officially has All The Agency, because she practically demanded it. So, y''know, if there was Agency transfer, it was at her instigation and insistence, which is probably way down some kinda kink scale, and not something I''m entirely comfortable with, but at the end of the day I think I said yes and continue to say yes because I couldn''t stand the hurt and disappointment in her eyes if I told her no about that.


    But I still have no idea about the pet thing. On my end it might be a step too far, even if the subtle urges I''m getting after communing with my inner Orange Tabby of Kaiju Size are more along the lines of ''of course she''s a pet''. Then again, those same impulses classify her as ''Mortal'', so the brain dead tentacle beast might, in fact, be factually incorrect about shit. Who knew? At any rate, she''s an intelligent, oddly articulate, incredibly skilled woman. Not some kind of trophy to mount on the wall. And now I have an urgent and abiding need to mount her against the wall, thank you introspection, just what I always wanted. On the other hand, she sleeps on the goddamned floor. Her bed, the one we all think of as ''Marie''s bed'', is a pet bed we built into the floor. For all I fuckin'' know she''s been eagerly awaiting the day we all go shopping for collars and nametags. Growing more and more disappointed and despondent the longer I put it off. Hiding some scrap of cloth I dropped, wrapping it around her neck as she works, pretending.


    Y''know, if I were actually dumber, to the point where my imagination running wild resembled a teacup chihuahua on a bender rather than a coked up kaiju squirrel, my life would be a lot easier. Probably would have been a lot shorter, what with my Standard Combat Tactic being ''initiate chaos, make shit up, ???, Profit!'' But easier? Hell yeah.


    Fuck it. I''ll ask her the next time we''ve got a private moment.


    So yesterday, while the wolves and bears derezzed, all the crowd that hadn''t nearly gotten melted into burning goo by a Dragon tried not to shit themselves in screaming terror, and Domnu meticulously deconstructed Anundr in the slowest, most painful way possible, I realized I may have made a slight tactical error. At first I just kinda watched with a Mimic-induced lack of bowel and stomach evacuation as she erased bits of him, starting with his clothes and skin. When she took his feet off I shook my head a little. "Why isn''t he falling down?"


    Here in a place where Time existed, her voice became a strange auditory equivalent of darkness, made entirely by lack of sound, yet somehow still coherent. "I removed his ties to the Earth first."


    I tried not to go into screensaver mode thinking about that. I also looked away, not out of any sense of disgust, but because the leftover Mimic vibes had almost the opposite effect as shit started to leak out of him. Both figuratively and literally. Of course the first thing in front of my eyes had to be Big Johnson. Equally inevitably, his damn wall-shield sized codpiece had dented outward as he stared at Domnu. To be clear, he wasn''t staring at Anundr or what she was doing to him. Just, like, absolutely fixated and trying to do the hot-guy-preen that hot dudes do to get the attention of women instead of going up and talking to them. Despite his edgy fashion sense and surprising wooing skills, the poor bastard had, like, zero of the traits one would normally associate with ''hot guy''. Apparently he''d traded those in for ''literally Apocalyptic taste in women''. Seriously, I had no fuckin'' clue what exactly this giant chuuni emo...


    Fuck. I meet here and now''s biggest chuuni emo freak, and then I summon up his own personal catnip and because I am incapable of non-soundless farting I pour her into a mold that could be labelled ''MILF, Basic'' and face no meaningful argument. I can''t even blame this shit on the goddamned Fates and their deep and abiding crack addiction. "Fucking hell. Are there some kind of massive hallucinogen fields on the Other Side around here or some shit?"


    Without turning from where she''d removed his kneecaps and let his shins dangle by nothing but meat, Domnu said, "Rich Man''s Port Fae fields."


    Big Johnson had scuttled around Domnu and Anundr until he got almost within reach of me. Before he got any closer, Domnu shot him a look, and he froze. The moment he took a knee pointed toward me, she returned her full attention to her grisly work. "M''lady?"


    "Yeah, Johnson?"


    "Who is... Is... Is that really her?"


    I nodded. "Yep. Live and in what passes for the flesh."


    He sighed, then grimaced. Somehow he conveyed the nuance of the emotion I''d felt so often myself when I realized how thoroughly unqualified I was for shit I''d been handed. "Would that I were as cruel a man as my peers."


    "Huh? Seriously? I don''t think she gets off on this or anything. I don''t think she gives a shit, she''s just doing what I told her to do."


    He shook his enormous head. "Oh, no. Not that, although her divine technique is awe inspiring. I meant that I wish I were a cruel enough man to ask you to have her leave him alive, ask you to leave this duel incomplete."


    "Why?"


    "Oh, that your Summon might stay at the conclusion of the duel. I would spend all my time upon my Green, wooing her with word and song and deed, all in hopes she might deign to notice me." Crazy fuck sounded like he actually meant all that shit. Honestly? I could relate. If you put Saffron on the Green standing next to some poor half dismantled asshole, I sure as shit would be ready and willing to spend a few eternities clowning around to get a laugh out of her. I mean, shit, if she took a break from coding to watch me I sure as shit would jester it up for her. Get you a man who looks at you like Big Johnson looks at Domnu indeed.


    "Uh... I wasn''t lying when I said I don''t really know how to Summon." He just looked at me, confused. "I didn''t technically use the ''Summon'' spell. I... uh... I guess I convinced her to show up and do shit for me."


    His eyes popped a little, and he whispered out, "I don''t understand how that matters, but if you could give me some pointers on how you did that?


    Say what I would, the man was not shy about his inclinations. "Oh, no. I meant as far as I know, she''s not gonna go poof when the duel is done."


    He whimpered. This massive dude who managed to rock a name like Big Johnson without it being ironic, whimpered. Then asked, really politely, "m''lady, would it be possible for her to attend our musical contest?"


    I laughed. "Sounds almost like you''re gonna sing to her or some shit like that." He just stared. "Holy shit, really?" More staring, maybe the slightest shrug. In the background, Anundr shrieked as Domnu erased the front half of everything pelvis and below, opening the innards up to the air. Never seen half of each testicle fall out of a dude''s sack and dangle there. Never really want to again. Looked and sounded painful enough my goddamned ovaries shriveled in sympathy. I took a deep breath, focused on Big Johnson, and let it out. "I''d actually been thinking about having her as a backup singer. Or, I dunno, maybe just handing the instruments and letting her sing."


    He laughed, each chuckle full of pain. "Oh, that is cruel, m''lady. Setting me at odds with the most beautiful creature I have ever seen."


    "I dunno, Johnny. She seems kinda like the kind of chica who likes a guy with enough spine to stand up to her and give her a run for her money, y''know?" Unfortunately, right about then Domnu decided to remove everything that connected Anundr to his spine. It dropped to the ground with a chunky splat, and the poor bastard''s screaming got way wheezier. "How the fuck is he still alive?"


    "I removed his connection to his Mortality before I began."


    Right. I guess if you''re the Big Bad of the whole goddamned universe, ''Laws of Physics'' were more habits somebody else had, and ''Laws of Causality'' were more like guidelines. I turned back to Big Johnson. "I mean, you said six days, right?"


    "Yes?"


    "Okay. I think today''s more or less shot, which goes for tonight as well. I think tomorrow night I''ve got something to do with my daughter, and that means tomorrow I want to rest up and make sure she takes a solid nap. I won''t want to do anything the day after, because I suspect I''m gonna be running all the fuck over chasing her fearless hyperactive ass down. So that''s not today, not tomorrow, not the day after. You wanna do it the day after that, or wait another two days to give you some more time to work on your pickup lines? I mean, your act?"


    "You will really do this to me, force me to strive against my Goddess on the field of honor?"


    "Shit, Johnny, we all got our crosses to bear. I wanna win, too, y''know? But I''ll make you a deal."


    "Go on?"


    "I''m not gonna, like, pimp her out to you or anything, because that would be skeevy as shit. But at the same time? I''m not gonna tell her to not respond to you. So, y''know, yeah, she''s gonna be there on Team Tabitha, even if she''s just lurking rhythmically to fuck with you and shit. In the metaphoric mess up your groove sense. But she''ll be there, which means you''ll have at least the length of your set to convince her to lurk rhythmically to fuck with you and shit in the literal sense." I looked up and watched as he navigated my bullshit syntax and came down with two fully opposed yet firmly held convictions.


    This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    The wheezing screams took on a whole new pitch and tone. I looked over to see bits of meat slipping, bit by bit, off something that looked more and more like the Harriet Cole exhibit at Drexel.


    Turned right the fuck back to Johnson immediately. "No disrespect intended, seriously. To you. Or her, I guess. But if you''ve even been paying the slightest attention to what''s going on over there and you''re not shriveled up and running for the hills? You''re a fuckin'' lunatic."


    He shrugged. "Life is, in the end, only darkness and pain. She is life in its purest form, to be adored in whatever way possible, m''lady."


    "Fuck. You are absolutely a fuckin'' maniac." I held out a hand to him. "Absolutely my kind of fuckin'' maniac. If you fuck up on the wooing, or succeed and still have any semblance of life or sanity left, we gotta sit down and have a beer or some shit. Battle of the Bands Thursday?"


    He smiled and nodded. "Thorsday." He took my hand, shook solemnly, then nudged it around so he could do the lip knuckle brush thing. I mean, he really was gentle about it. I could have held my hand still with the lightest of pressure. I just... he seemed so sincere and sweet, I figured I''d get sad puppy eyes if I stopped him. Like kicking a kitten or some shit.


    I think we all know my opinion on ''kicking kittens''.


    So a moment later the screaming stopped, and I looked over to see that Anundr had not, in fact, left the mortal coil. His eyes kinda twitched as his irises oscillated. Other than that, he had a brain, a nervous system exposed to the air, and a pile of meat underneath him. I sighed. "Just fuckin'' kill him already so I can go home and ogle my wife."


    She looked at me, shrugged, which activated jiggle physics in a way that had Johnson whimpering again, then gestured to the brain floating in the middle of the mess. It kinda de-rezzed, evaporating in a decreasingly chunky cloud. When it hit maybe half again the size it started, his nerves and eyes flopped to top the pile of meat.


    I shook my head, held out my hand, and after a moment of confusion she took it. "See you Thursday, an hour after noon." Then I stepped us both to our private room in the Library. Before anybody gets any incorrectly inappropriate ideas, this was the one room I knew Menace absolutely would not be in. For one thing, even a normal human nose could detect that the room had been used as a fuck shack. Marie can work cleaning miracles, but frankly I think all three of us with access to the room found the slight nuance of sex in the air titillating. Menace would, without doubt, spew out an endless stream of questions should she ever get a whiff of the place.


    Marie looked over at me, smiling. Then froze. Saffron made disappointed Saffron noise, then pushed herself up. "You''re home early, love, d, d, di, di, Domnu? Why is Domnu here. Why is Domnu on the Mortal Plane? Why is Domnu in our hideaway? Why is Domnu standing next to you?" The moment she went silent, she lay in Glowing Midnight, twisting about to bring herself up to kneel on the bed, glaring at the figure beside me.


    "Yeah, she showed up when I was in the middle of un-Dragoning some of the people in the stands down in Norfolk. We had a discussion."


    "Is there a reason she is not yet digesting in your belly as we speak?"


    I shrugged. "Isnomi."


    "WHAT?"


    I sighed. "That''s why she wanted to fly at night. She was looking for her grandmother."


    "And you somehow thought it would be a good idea to bring her home?"


    I threw my arms in the air. "It just kind of happened!" Marie and Saffron froze, then both of them collapsed laughing. I noticed the shadows moving toward them. "STOP!"


    She turned to me. "Why?"


    I looked her in the vaguely eye-shaped spots and said, "these two are family now. In-laws, at least. The one in black is Saffron, my Wife and High Priestess. The one remaining distractingly naked is Marie, your granddaughter''s Godmother and my Concubine." Marie stuck her tongue out at me, and my train of thought slipped a gear at her teasing playfulness. Maybe Murder Mittens reacted to pants shitting terror not unlike I did, with snark and mass amounts of fuck it all? Had to look into that later.


    "Also, if you hurt anyone in my family, I will rip you apart from inside out and hope our little Menace doesn''t notice, or gives me credit for trying or some shit."


    "Acceptable. Menace?"


    I shook my head. "Isnomi''s nickname. Because she is one."


    She nodded. "Acceptable."


    "Okay. So, you gonna adhere to the ''hands off family'' rule?"


    Her blank gaze raked across all three of us. "I already said your demand is acceptable. What of your siblings. Your other nephews? Your prohibition against killing family did not save my Sengann."


    I stood there, mouth hanging open for a second. "He was a wannabe genocidal fuckstick. Also, he attacked me first."


    She cocked her head. "Wannabe?"


    "He wasn''t even any fuckin'' good at it. He just picked up Apollo''s sloppy seconds."


    Watching a figure made of darkness who spoke with silence heave a sigh made my brain twist in uncomfortable ways. "I understand. Do your family members meet your standards?"


    "Uh... yeah? Not like I''ve got a lot of those, apparently? But yeah."


    "Acceptable. What of the others?"


    I stared at her, but reading a face made out of shadow wasn''t exactly at my skill level. "From here on out, if they come say hi instead of trying to wreck my shit? We can sit down and talk. Maybe even have dinner or some shit. Marie makes a mean sushi plate."


    "Yes."


    I glanced at her, and she wrinkled her nose at me as if to say, ''what? I''m right and you know it.'' Domnu just repeated. "Acceptable. Should you release me, I will inform them."


    "Yeah. About that. You''re gonna be staying with us a few days."


    "She''s what?" Saffron sounded a little iffy about the idea.


    I slumped, spun, and sat on the bed. "Yeah. I''ve got to do some kind of musical competition against Jarl Johnson on Thursday. He''s got a thing for Domnu, so I figure having her on stage with us can''t help but fuck with him."


    Saffron draped herself over my shoulders. "There are so many things in that statement that make my brain hurt that I''m going to ignore them all for now and discuss them with you later."


    "Sure. I figure I want her to be a surprise for Menace on Monday, so she can hide in here until then."


    She flumphed down behind me. I turned to see her pointing a perfect petite pout at me. When I raised an eyebrow, she said, "I''m not really comfortable using the room for its intended purpose with your mother watching."


    I couldn''t help it, I fell over laughing. Stress, I think. "Oh, noes! The s3xx0rz might not be continuous!"


    Her pout got deeper for a moment, she pouted out, "ledger!" Then she fell over on top of me laughing as well. Marie draped herself over top both of us, purring and giggling.


    "I do not understand? Who was harmed?"


    "Nobody? That''s why we''re laughing?"


    Confused Domnu noises preceded her saying, "but... that makes no sense? Why laugh save to gloat? Are you threatening one another?"


    I couldn''t help it. "Oh, no! Not the ledger!" I barely got it out before all of us sorta melted into a jiggly pile of laughter.


    A moment later, as the three of us lay there laughing, we also lay in our bedroom. Saffron pushed herself mostly upright. "She''s likely to be a problem."


    "You wanna tell Menace Grandma can''t visit because Mom ate her because she was a handful?"


    "Shit."


    "Exactly."


    "How are you controlling her, by the way?"


    I dropped my gaze to the floor. I really wasn''t proud of what I''d done, now that I thought about it and had to explain it. "Mimic literally shoved a hand... well, multiple tentacles... up her posterior regions. To the point where I can work her like a puppet if I have to."


    "Can she fight you? Escape?"


    I shrugged. "I dunno. I really don''t want to not sleep for the rest of eternity though, so... maybe if she thinks she doesn''t want to, she won''t? But, like, while I''m paying attention? Not a fuckin'' chance."


    Energy washed over me, like a cocaine laced energy drink. "My Goddess is powerful beyond measure."


    "Thanks for the vote of confidence. No, really, I think this might help me stay up until she''s convinced."


    "Of course, my Goddess." She then shuffled herself around to kneel facing me, bowing down until she pressed her face into the bed, her arms outstretched toward me.


    "I''m really not sure how I feel about that."


    I felt her smile when she thought, Of course you do. Energized.


    "Fuck. You''re right."


    Not today, Goddess. You need your edge to finish Norfolk.


    "Okay. So I guess I just try and rest up for now?"


    That''s probably for the best.


    I lay a hand on Saffron''s back and turned to Marie. "Uh... I had something to ask you." She perked up, attentive. At some point she''d put her Maid''s uniform on this her. The one back in the room with Domnu still totally rocked the naked albino tiger look, and I couldn''t bring myself to tell her to stop. "What do you think about being my pet?" She got a really weird look on her face at that. "Shit, I''m sorry, I didn''t mean to offend you. But I know you like being our Concubine, even if I totally don''t get why, and you sleep on the floor a lot... hell, ''your'' bed is the floor in the office, and..." I shut the fuck up when she gently laid her claws across my mouth.


    "Maybe."


    I nodded, and she slipped her claws to the side. "Okay. I half thought you were, like, waiting for me to ask and shit, and I really don''t want to disappoint you. So, y''know, I asked. If you want that? I''ll totally play along. It''d make me super uncomfortable, but I want you to be happy aaand I just made you decide in favor of incipient petdom the moment I told you that, didn''t I?"


    Marie, who''d started purring the moment I said the thought of her as a pet made me uncomfortable, grinned at me, leaned in to kiss me, and as our lips touched said, "Yes."


    A few minutes of gentle, teasing kissing later, she pulled away and I whined, "why? Why is pushing my boundaries like catnip for you two?"


    From the other room where she''d resumed coding, Saffron called in, "because while you have a moral or two which you hold sacrosanct, most of your ''boundaries'', and I use that loosely, because any time you have told us to slow down, stop, or hold back we have, double as erotica for you. You take literal pleasure in having us push you past them, then are blissfully content when we leave you drifting in the place beyond."


    "Well. Fuck."


    Marie shook her head and purred out, "Focus."


    "Yeah, I know. Shit. What about you?"


    I prefer to explore my own boundaries in a much more controlled fashion. With you and Marie doing the pulling or pushing as needed, of course. Anyone else who tried to push past one would find themselves losing whatever they pushed with.


    "What about you, Marie?"


    Marie just snorted while Saffron again called in, "Marie? Boundaries? Have you met Marie?"


    Marie just snickered and snuggled me. I decided I was just too fuckin'' mentally tired to go any further with this and said, "hey Marie, you mind carrying me to your bed and Saffron watching with me until Menace gets home?" Instead of answering, she picked me up, snuggled me like a fuckin'' teddy bear, and carried me into the office, where she dropped into a tailor seat and cuddled me for the rest of the afternoon while I watched Saffron bend the Laws of Physics to her will.


    Says the woman holding the personification of the concept of privatives silent and still in our boudoir.


    We sat there until Marie got back with Isnomi. "Hey, Menace!"


    "Mama!"


    "Guess what?" I glanced at the ceiling, only to realize the glider was nowhere in evidence.


    She noticed, and when she spoke, I could tell she''d reshaped her teeth to keep her diction way less sloppy than usual. "Fly? At night?"


    I held up one finger. "Not tonight." When her joyous smile faltered, I continued, "tonight you sleep on your normal schedule. Tomorrow I''m staying home with you, and after a big lunch you''re going down for a nap. Because... tomorrow night?"


    "Fly?" She sounded almost too gleeful to believe it.


    "Yep. Fly. At night. And yes, you can look for you know who."


    I swear to God, all the bats in the tri-state area must be dead by now.


    Of course not. They''re predators.


    Fair point. You seem remarkably chill considering who''s in the room.


    I''m terrified beyond the capacity to express it. Sigyn was rocking back and forth, apparently catatonic, whispering, ''victory?'' until I took her in my arms, where she now sleeps.


    Ah, shit. Sorry, Boss.


    Do not be. Just please, before she notices us? Assure her we are also family?


    At any rate, I got a sudden burst of copper in the mouth when Domnu turned her head to face directly at Isnomi from multiple floors away through several layers of Academy. I cleared that me''s throat and said, "tomorrow night, Mom. This is supposed to be a big happy surprise for her."


    "As you wish, Daughter."


    "Also, Loki and Sigyn may show up. They are also family. Loki has adopted me as his daughter, and Sigyn is his wife."


    I''ve never heard someone say ''acceptable'' in a way my brain registered as ''bother'' before, but Domnu did that shit right then.


    Back in the bedroom, I started helping Isnomi get ready for bed. "Time for sleep, Menace. Time for sleep."


    She wound up sleeping on the floor cuddled with Marie and I, and eventually Saffron when she came to bed. By this morning I felt a little eepy, but upon waking Saffron surrounded me with kowtowing duplicates, and I swear if that shit isn''t addictive it ought to be. Menace and I played toddler games all morning, then I held her while she slept through the afternoon. By the time the sun started setting, I''d gotten a little worried, what with the continued absence of glider.


    Then, just as the sky outside our window turned fully blue-black, the armoire door opened.


    On top of mad crafting skills, my son''s got really good timing.

 Day Three Hundred And Two

    Dear Diary,


    I know that I maybe did some shady shit on my interrupted rampage across Norfolk, but to be clear, my intention was and is to end this as fast as possible with the smallest casualty count possible.


    I feel bad about Jarl Karlson''s people sitting around more or less leaderless, and I really hope nobody starts shit with them while I''m gone. I feel less bad about Jarl Swanson''s folks, because while he''s a rapist enabling dick, he seems smart enough to learn better, and he didn''t seem really invested in the whole ''rape as reward'' thing he had going on, just like it was something expected. Which is absolute shit, but given how many subcultures glorified or ignored rape except to make jokes about it back where I''m from, I could absolutely believe it''s what he learned at his momma''s knee. Probably while she was bent over a table getting forcibly railed by some asshole, but I''d like to think that maybe he killed that asshole when he got big enough.


    Yeah, probably not, but I need these little fictions to keep me from pressing the big red ''make Saffron really sad, briefly'' button sometimes.


    I dunno. Maybe I''m too soft to do the job right. Maybe I just need to get Conrad to build me a big ''No Rape!'' sign that can be automatically read and understood by these illiterate fucks, then tell Marie to monitor the situation, kill anybody who rapes anybody, and hang their bodies from the sign until people get the fucking point. I''d love to just have the Grand Army march in and declare martial law and, y''know, do the same fucking thing, only with more eyes and hands and less Divine Retribution, but I can''t do that until I can hand the crown to somebody more pro-Alliance. Shit, maybe Johnson? If Domnu is my bitch, and I''m the Imperator''s attack dog, maybe I can convince him Dommy Mommy Likey Alliance? Fuck, I dunno, maybe I''ll try that if I can''t think of anything less skeevy than dangling my literally asexual birth mother up as bait. Before you ask, ''how do you know she''s Ace?'', she literally reproduced without sex, her current sex characteristics include big old non-functional nippleless boobs, a butt I subconsciously modeled on Sigyn''s, and a pair of face-lips that don''t actually have a mouth behind them. She literally has no sex organs to speak of, I''m not sure she even understands what sex is, let alone has desire for it.


    Before you ask about me, I''m gonna stop you right there, because I had an orientation and self-image well before I came into the ''I''m a tiny piece of a mass of tentacles that can be seen from space'' thing ever happened. Besides that, have you seen any hentai? Anybody who thinks cephalopods in specific or tentacles in general are Ace needs to take a gander at that shit. Be warned, you''ll want the brain bleach handy. And some lube. Because that shit tends to polarize people, and it''s pretty amusing seeing which way people flip, because that shit is not predictable in the slightest. Seriously. Twelve year old me hearing about it was all ''eww, gross!'' Then thirteen year old me got all self destructive after mom passed, looked that shit up on the internet, and... yeah. Friction burns are really fuckin'' embarrassing down there, y''know?


    So yeah, I am well aware that I am not the woman to be doing the ''running the government'' job. My whole schtick is waltzing through, wrecking shit, and declaring myself the winner because nobody else dares tell me ''no'', at which point I hand over fixing long standing problems to somebody I think will choose the Path of Divine Virtue over the Path of Imminent Tabitha.


    So over the course of the afternoon I sat there watching Saffron code, holding Isnomi while she napped before her first night flight, and soaked up the vita-rays from the half-ring of kowtowing Saffrons around me. At one point I thought, doesn''t that get boring or something?


    Why would it? The part of me that might get bored is just hoping I''m not broken out of my focus on coding by my ass being lit on fire by your hyper-intent gaze. Those of me around you are as utterly sincere in their worship of you as I am, but...


    Butt?


    Butt indeed. To explain it in a way you will viscerally understand, I could no more get bored of doing that to you than you could get bored of, how did you put it? Wearing my thighs as earmuffs?


    Oh. Yeah, but eventually you''ll get, y''know, desensitized and shit, and while I do enjoy the doing, I''m pretty sure I enjoy your reactions more.


    Are you telling me you''re not reacting to this? "Then how about this?" She spun around in her chair, then poured herself off of it, going to her knees and focusing what I thought of as her ''prime self'' entirely on me.


    I might have lost the ability to uncross my eyes there for a little bit. Like sitting on one of those chair massagers, enjoying the vibration, when all of a sudden the whole ''undercarriage massage'' ramps up to something measurable on the Richter scale. "Point taken." I squeaked.


    "Did you want me to continue?"


    I absolutely did not, what with trying to be a good napping-post for our daughter. "Yes, please."


    Just to be clear, it wasn''t entirely a sexual thing. Hell, it wasn''t really one at all, except for the fact that Tabitha''s Very Special Brain had somehow permanently linked ''pleasure'' and ''sex'', despite how often I got the former from food, or exercise, or playing with my kid, or just snuggling with the family. I''m not sure exactly how long I sat there drinking from Saffron''s worshipful fire hose, but I think I missed it when she stood up and went back to coding. Was in an entirely different kind of ''no thought, more this please'' mental zone until sunset.


    At which point Conrad stepped out of his Workshop, and Dommy Mommy spun to face him. As she lifted off the floor I said, "STOP!" She paused, turned her face back to me, which just emphasized how not-human she was despite her MILF chassis when none of the rest of her turned.


    "He endangers your spawn. Why have you bid me stop?"


    "I, uh, really need you to see something right now, before you do anything about that." Which was a complete and utter falsehood from start to finish, but apparently detecting even the purest, stinkiest of bullshit counts as a ''social skill'', meaning she took me at my word and turned her full attention back to me. I got sudden images in my head of what she''d done to Anundr, at which point pants pissing terror must have taken control of my memory and decided to remind me of my last words to that baby back bastard. ''When I figure out a way to kill the fuck out of you without doing it myself, I''m gonna fap thinking about how hard I made you die.''


    I am nothing if not a woman of my word, and back in Camden on more than one occasion responded to someone posting a humorous, ''I can''t fap to that'' meme with ''challenge accepted''.


    That bought me a few minutes, at least. What? You think I practiced something that much and didn''t get good at it?


    At any rate, when I finished, she just stared at me for a second before saying, "Interesting. Self Worship." She paused, almost like she needed time to taste test the concept, before declaring, "Unacceptable."


    I blinked. "What part?" She just stared. "Like, the sexual part, or the self-service part."


    "The latter." Amazing how she could somehow add, ''of course, you dumbass'' to a sentence without a single syllable. "Explain ''sexual''."


    "Uh, the fuck?"


    Another taste test pause. "Yes. Exactly. No procreation occurred. How was that sexual?"


    I sighed. Fuck it, that would buy another couple minutes.


    Up in the office, Conrad seemed completely oblivious to his averted doom. He carried Menace''s glider, and along with an impressive number of kill markers in a frightening number of sizes, I noticed some new stripes which lead to the rigging, and a kind of faint sheen on the rigging itself which reminded me of nothing so much as the phosphorescent star stickers I''d stuck to my ceiling one year after an Observatory visit. "Good Evening, Mother!"


    Menace popped up like a fuckin'' prairie dog. "Tikibada!"


    He rolled his eyes. "Sister Menace. Are you ready to fly?"


    If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.


    "YETH!" Guess she''d slipped back into more comfortable dentition. Or maybe she just got ready to get bitey when she got excited. No fuckin'' clue, don''t want a clue, she can make herself understood if she needs to, Momming done for the moment.


    I stood, lifting her to my waist, and held out a hand for Saffron. She smiled, sighed, slid her coding windows aside, and stood to take my hand. I''d been kinda worried that I''d fall over exhausted when her kowtow squad disappeared, but when they blinked out of existence it had no more effect than unplugging a charging phone. The electric cable plugged into my nethers stopped pouring juice into me, but it sure as shit didn''t start leaking out or anything. Really glad, that would have been embarrassing to explain.


    "Shall we?" I nodded for the door.


    "After you, Mothers. Sister." He nodded to the glider. "I''d rather have you in sight while carrying this. Slapstick is gauche."


    I laughed at that, but led Saffron out of the room, gleeful Menace on my hip. Marie met us at the door and led us toward the roof access.


    Boss? You coming to see our Menace''s maiden night flight?


    Your... birth mother will be there, will she not?


    I nodded. She will, socially, by the end of the night. As much as that word applies to her. I totally get it if that''s a deal breaker.


    Hardly! For our granddaughter? Sigyn would...


    Boss?


    For the first time I could recall, Loki sounded... small. I cannot think of anything more likely to turn a Deity from their chosen course than ''facing down Domnu''. Well, save ''facing down Mimic'', but that''s both rude and irrelevant for her at this point, no?


    See you two on the roof?


    Of course.


    Thanks Boss, you''re the best.


    I know.


    A minute later, we all stood on the roof, Conrad reviewing the differences between daytime and nighttime air currents for Isnomi while he strapped her into her glider. I ignored all that as Marie, Saffron and I walked over to Sigyn. "You okay, Mom?"


    She shuddered and looked at me. Oddly distracting; I think I''d interrupted ''torture-time'' when I brought Domnu to her attention. Either that or she''d started wearing nothing but stripperific outfits to lounge around in. Then again, if I were basically a married retiree with nothing better to do than see how many times a day I could melt and refreeze my guy''s popsicle, I might be tempted to wear that shit too. Even moreso what with her having a literally Divine body, where any ''sag'' in anything was purely to enhance jiggle physics.


    Yeah, I like that phrase. It''s a fun phrase. My only regret here and now was my current body''s near lack of anything resembling jiggle physics. Okay, I had a little up front, but mostly they just stood there like vertical mountains. Well, hills. Sigyn? Saffron? Sure, mountains. If mine were biggish, that had more to do with me being a bigger girl than normal than them being objectively big. But yeah, how can you not like that phrase? Fun to say, fun to watch, fun to do, even if I had some difficulties in that area here and now.


    Sigyn whispered, "how can you call me that?"


    I pulled her into a hug, surprised when her resistance crumbled like feta cheese. "Because despite the whole adopted-maybe-step-mom thing? You''re a fuckton more maternal than she has ever been. She''s a dam. A gene donor..." I stuttered a little. "Source-being. Whatever. She''s not a Mom." I squeezed her hard enough to drive the air out of her a little. "You are."


    She sighed. "Thank you, Champion... Tabitha..." She sighed again, pushed me away, smiled at me, then pulled me in for a bone-crushing hug. "Daughter."


    "Any time, Mom."


    All five of us turned when Conrad cleared his throat. He didn''t turn to us, but began explaining to Isnomi. "Now, should anything approach you too quickly, should you become detached from the glider, or should you feel you are in danger, your harness light will activate."


    "Lide?"


    "Yes, Menace, Light. The few nocturnal flying things I can think of which might threaten you in any way are all deathly afraid of light. In most cases, sufficient light will hurt them." He slipped a little pair of black lenses into her little goggles. "If you have troubles seeing with the light on, these should help."


    "Dank you, Tikibada!"


    "Are you ready?"


    "Yeth!"


    He stepped away, looked to me, and I waved to him. "Launch when ready, Sister dear."


    She stood, rocked back and forth a little, backed further up the roof, then sprinted down toward the edge. Like half a dozen feet from the edge she leapt, and her feet never touched the roof again as her glider caught air. I''d worried that without active lights, she''d wind up invisible to us on the ground, but as she rose I realized that with the absence of City sky-glow, the faint traceries of phosphorescence made her just barely visible as she soared through the sky.


    Down in our Library den, I wound down my endless description of positions and orifices. Shit, when she asked me that question when I was trying stall for time? She just put this on Easy Mode for me. "She''s in the air now, Mom. She''s looking for you, wants to meet you."


    She turned without a word and rose toward the ceiling. I grabbed her ankle, then stepped us both to the roof. "Please don''t break my house, Mom. I live here. Oh, and Mom? Conrad? The one you said was ''a danger''? He''s also my son, and he dotes on her. He built her the glider she''s using to look for you."


    "Acceptable."


    I let go, then collapsed back into myself, because the moment she got out of reach she disappeared against the night sky. I mean, it only made sense, she was the fuckin'' night sky, and you don''t get much more camouflaged than standing in front of yourself. Okay, that''s not true, but still. I couldn''t see her at all until, watching Isnomi swoop about calling, ''gamma! gamma!'', something darted in between us, blackness between her light and our perch on the roof. The others gasped, but I''d seen her response to thinking Conrad was a danger. I might be a little worried about Domnu''s idea of ''maternal'', but I couldn''t even pity anything stupid enough to threaten her granddaughter while she was right fuckin'' there.


    Something flashed between us again, and the lights on Menace''s glider rippled rhythmically, an odd, oscillating sound reaching us a second later. "Is that a shepherd''s tone?" asked Saffron.


    "I believe so," said Loki.


    "Well spotted, Mom." Conrad actually looked proud of Saffron. Not unpleasant, but weird as fuck.


    As Domnu got closer and closer to Isnomi, and the Menace''s squeal of utter glee reached us, the noise got louder and louder, the light pulsing faster and faster, until a new star lit up the sky. A crackling corona of light spread out from Menace''s straps, and a much deeper shriek of pure terror reached us a moment after the expanding sphere intersected Domnu, leaving a neatly punched hourglass figure through the light.


    Everybody else tensed at that, and only got worse when they heard Isnomi scream out, "gamma!" and dart after the fleeing figure of Darkness.


    I called out, "bring her down here!" Neither of them heard me, of course, Then again, neither of them were headed ''down'' by any stretch of the imagination. At that point I also realized while everybody had tensed, Conrad''s tension was way less ''scared'' and way more ''me with Saffron Prime in full Worship Mode''. Fuck it, I''d asked him for that. Told him to make it even. "Good work, son."


    He jerked, startled, before he turned to me, creepy wider-than-face smile in full effect when he said, "Thank you, Mother!"


    We all stood there, entranced, watching a dot of light chasing something we only saw in silhouette, until the light of false dawn colored the sky, and we finally made out the tiny black dot. Isnomi swooped in under it, tipped her wings back to climb up to it as it hovered backwards, then stalled and fell.


    I swear, if I hadn''t seen her pull that same fuckin'' maneuver just for shits and giggles, I''d have shat myself in terror right there on the roof. Everybody else had the same reaction, and we all kinda giggled as we realized we''d all become utterly immune to that particular ''terrify the adults'' maneuver. Except I''d forgotten the one person who hadn''t. As Menace twisted about to angle herself into a power dive, Domnu raced after her, apparently discovering that trying to match speeds with something that kept accelerating was a bit of a bitch when you yourself weren''t affected by things like gravity. She bobbled under Menace, over her, even managed to get beside her at one point near the bottom of the dive, only to have our little miscreant juke before pulling out of her dive to come screaming toward us. Literally, although the scream had like a ninety percent joyous laughter component, which I absolutely adored. She kept pulling back until she rose straight back up into the sky above us, Domnu still utterly focused on her and in hot pursuit. She stalled again, but this time Domnu grabbed her before she could fall again.


    What with the pair of them being a few dozen feet in the air, at least, I''m not sure anybody else heard the faint sizzle as she did so, but the heat from her skin touching Menace''s blazing harness radiated down to my... Mimic''s tentacles. "Hey, Menace! Bring your new friend down to meet the family!"


    Faint gleeful Isnomi noises rained down on us, Menace herself waving her arms as she babbled to Domnu. A few moments later the pair descended. As they touched down, Conrad stepped up and said, "Grandmother," before unbuckling Isnomi and pulling her glider away. Menace squirmed her way out of Domnu''s arms at that point, leaving the Primordial Goddess of Darkness standing there looking completely boggled at how she''d somehow failed to keep a grip on a toddler. Then Isnomi grabbed her by the finger and led her over to us, shouting, "thee! Thee! Gamma! Gammama!"


    Right then I heard the weirdest sound from Sigyn. Raw, unvarnished indignation, garnished with confusion, seasoned with the slightest hints of jealousy and betrayal. I looked at her as she stepped away from Loki toward me, holding her hands out in the perfect pose to accompany her record setting, ''WTF, DIAZ?'' face. I had no clue what I''d done, so I shrugged and shook my head, trying not to let Isnomi see. She rolled her eyes so hard her head tipped back, then of all the wacky assed shit she started bouncing on her toes. I didn''t get it until she turned sideways a little, and the part of my brain more or less constantly engaged in mentally undressing every person I saw cleared its metaphoric throat as it mentally stripped away everything covering Sigyn, up to and including her hair.


    My gaze shot back and forth between Sigyn''s bouncing figure and Domnu''s advancing one. "Oh, FUCK!" I turned to Sigyn, desperate. "It''s not my fault!"


    She sucked in a lungful of air and blew it out through her nose. "Explain to me then, Daughter, how this is ''not your fault?'' Please. I must hear this."


    I sank to my knees, half crying, half laughing, both halves hysterical as I cried out, "I MADE HER MOM SHAPED!"

 Day Three Hundred And Three

    Dear Diary,


    I guess that whole ''leaking into one another'' thing goes both ways; not surprising, really.


    "Mom shaped?"


    I looked sheepishly up at her. "Yeah?"


    She shook her head and reached down to me. "Now I see why your wife calls you Goof." I took her hand and she effortlessly lifted me to my feet, then held me at arms'' length by my shoulders. "You meant well, I''m sure."


    I pushed a little, and she let me into her embrace for a hug. "I didn''t though. I didn''t mean anything. I just... I didn''t think when shaping her. I just shaped her like Mom."


    "I''m sure your mother was a lovely woman."


    I snorted. "I love my mom. My mom from back, y''know, in the day. But other than maybe having a Pixar quality dump truck, she wasn''t really anybody''s idea of a MILF. Except my dad, but that would have been before she was a mom, so that means she would have been an ILF. But that doesn''t make any sense. Woman? WILF? Wait, no, that''s Widow. Girl? GILF? Shit, no, that''s Grandma. Which really encompasses both of you two now."


    "And now you''re babbling, Daughter. All is well. That the part of you beyond thinking sees me as Mom is no insult, Tabitha." I snuggled in just a little more, because Sigyn warm and soft. Super Mom shaped. Wait, ''mom shaped'' pretty much involves the spread hips to let the crotch goblins out, and the mommy milkers to feed the rugrats. Which Saffron had plenty of both of. Shit, was I into MILFs? I mean, my initial response of ''who isn''t'' is pretty telling, I guess.


    Isnomi led Domnu over to us, tugging on her finger the whole way. "Mama! Mama! Thee! Thee! I fine Gammama!"


    I squatted down to meet her and scoop her into a hug. "Yes you did! I saw you fly up and find her! And you brought her right back down to us!"


    She tugged on Domnu''s finger. "Gammama! Dis Mama!" She pointed to Saffron as I snugged her in to keep her from autoyeeting onto the shingles. "Dath Ma!" She tried to wriggle towards Saffron, and rather than lose my grip on her, I stepped us closer.


    Saffron curtsied and said, "Mother Domnu."


    While the two of them glared at one another, Isnomi kept introducing people. "Dath Mawa, dath Siggy, dath Gampa, an dath Tikibada."


    "Really, Menace?"


    She heaved a huge sigh for such an itty bitty Menace, then relented and said, "Tikibada wanna be cawwed Conwad."


    I''m not sure if Domnu flinched or just got bored, but I felt satisfaction radiating from my Kitten when Darkness looked away first. Her gaze swiveled across the rest of the family on the roof, nodding to each in turn. "Loki. Sigyn." She looked Sigyn up and down, then glanced down at herself, then to me. I shrugged, she shrugged, and she continued. "Maenad. Smith." Finally her gaze returned to Saffron, who''d moved up to lean against me and put her arms around Isnomi. "Priestess."


    "High Priestess, Mother Domnu."


    Domnu blinked. "Acceptable."


    Saffron frowned, and I thought at her, She''s not exactly a people person.


    "In what way am I not a person?"


    How did she hear you?


    Domnu''s gaze swiveled back to Saffron. "Why would I not hear words not spoken?"


    Saffron nodded. "Well. That explains that then. Mother Domnu, would you like to see our rooms? Where your granddaughter spends her evenings, as well as many of her days?"


    "No."


    Apparently a complete lack of social skills means you also don''t notice when everyone on the roof is staring at you, either in disbelief or in preparation for incipient toddler bawling instigated beatdown. Domnu might erase a Dragon to protect Isnomi''s body, but Sigyn was about to go ham on her for putting that hurt look on Menace''s face. That thought must have inspired my next comment. "Mother, you''ve hurt our little Menace."


    That got her. She jerked like I''d just slapped her. With a prizewinning tuna. After a moment of all of us watching her regal posture slump in confusion, she asked, "How?"


    I snuggled my Menace to me, nuzzling her to hold off the waterworks. "By saying you don''t care about her."


    "But... I did not say that."


    "If you care about somebody, you care about more than just their physical well being, Mother. You care about where and how they live. Who they interact with. How they''re treated. You care about the whole person, not just their body." On the one hand, I realized that dealing with Domnu would be remarkably like dealing with somebody way off in their very own special corner of the spectrum. On the other hand, I definitely felt some kinda way about having to be my mother''s keeper. The things you do for your kids.


    Upon your subjugation of Norfolk, I will reward you for this as well, my Goddess.


    "Unacceptable."


    "Oh, for fuck''s sake. What''s crawled up your nonexistent asshole and died now?" I really didn''t want to fight with Domnu, with ''Gammama'', while Isnomi watched us, but the bitch was stomping up and down on my calm.


    "Many things at any given moment."


    I took a deep breath and tried again. "What. The fuck. Is Unacceptable. This time."


    "Your Priestess should not be rewarding you."


    I tilted my head. "The fuck not?"


    "If that form of worship is your preference, that is acceptable, but she owes it to you as your due. Withholding it as a ''reward''? Blasphemous."


    Fuck on a stick this was such a pain in the ass. I seriously considered ending her right then and there, but then I opened my eyes and saw Menace looking up at me with tear-filled eyes.


    "I like my High Priestess doing things that way. My religion. My rules. I like it when she ''worships'' me for doing good things. It keeps me human."


    She somehow managed to sniff without lungs. Then again, she''d been talking just fine without them. "That is exactly the problem."


    That snapped some kind of final straw. I smiled sweetly up at her and said, "Mother?"


    "Yes, Daughter?"


    "You''re coming downstairs with us so we can show you where we live now." She just stood there. "Well?"


    "Well what?"


    "Are you coming?"


    She tilted her head. "Of course. I am waiting for you to show me."


    I nodded to everybody else, and, Marie in the lead, Isnomi and I bringing up the rear save for Domnu, who still had one finger held captive by Menace, and Conrad, who again followed us to prevent slapstick. When we got down to our rooms, most everybody gathered in the office; Marie perched on the end of the bed, watching everyone through the doorway, and after he racked Isnomi''s glider, Conrad excused himself to head back to his Workshop.


    Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.


    Isnomi wriggled out of my arms and, still clutching to Domnu''s finger to tow her along, dragged her over to her little toddler bed. Specifically to the end of it where Vulcan sat in his case. "Dith ith Vulcan!"


    Domnu stared at Vulcan for a solid ten seconds. Then her lips curved into a smile and she said, "Excellent."


    Of course Dommy Mommy would approve of my less socially acceptably evil son. Right about then, as she babbled out something about Mister Kraken, Isnomi yawned. Everyone near enough to get a good look wound up staring, maybe wincing a little, as her jaws yawned open wide enough that she could have swallowed Saffron whole if she hadn''t been rocking dentition to make a garbage disposal look warm and fuzzy. "Okay, Menace, time for bed." Her lip stuck out a little until I said, "while Grandmama is visiting, you can stay up late, but you still need to get your sleep in every day." She squeed a little bit, and I turned to Domnu. "Do you..." I interrupted myself as I thought about phrasing. "You want to help Menace change clothes for bed and tuck her in."


    She opened her mouth like she was gonna argue, but after a look from me she paused, then asked, "how?"


    "Can you show her, Menace?"


    "Yeth!"


    While our little one distracted Domnu, I walked the few steps over to where Saffron had been showing Loki her Spell crafting setup. Sigyn stood behind both of them, looking about as lost as I would have. Okay, probably more than I would have, because I''d actually attended Shaping classes. Every single bit of what Saffron worked on daily stood so far above my level I couldn''t even see it if I stood on tiptoes, but in an abstract way I knew how it ought to work. Sigyn... did not. Obviously so. She had that glazed look I''d seen more than once back in Camden. I took her by the hand. "Mom?"


    She blinked and looked at me. "Yes?" I nodded and led her to the bedroom, then over to the window side the the bed. While Marie scooted around to kneel behind us, I pulled back the thick curtains she''d made for us, and sunrise washed into the room. She gasped. "That view is... beautiful."


    "Yeah. Sorry I haven''t gotten you guys out of that cave yet."


    She pulled me into a crushing side hug. "You can only do so much, so fast. I..." She took a deep breath. "I have faith." Her lips twisted into a wry grin. "In you."


    "Hey! Mom? You''re fine. And I mean that in more than just the easy on the eyes sense."


    She let loose with that Candace Bergen chuckle that rubbed velvet up and down my spine, turning to stare right into my eyes as she said, "you claim me as mother, then speak words of wooing unto me? What kind of family have you drawn me into, Daughter?" I spluttered a bit, and she broke down laughing, collapsing backward onto the bed, where Marie caught her. She laughed even harder at that. Eventually she dried her eyes and sat back up. "Oh. Oh, my, you should have seen your face. Oh, thank you, Tabitha. I needed that."


    "I think it still might be time for us to take our leave? Before you wake the little one again?" Loki stood in the doorway, Domnu standing behind him glowering.


    "Of course." She hugged Marie and I, whispering, "if you could see fit to get us a mattress like this one, though?"


    "I got you, Mom."


    With that she stood, brushed past Loki and Domnu alike to kneel down next to Isnomi''s bed and brush a kiss across her forehead without disturbing her snores, then gave Saffron a quick hug good bye. Her farewells taken, she held a hand out to Loki and, as imperious as Saffron or Domnu ever were and commanded, "husband, take me... Home."


    Their laughter trickled through the room after they disappeared. I turned to Domnu. "Okay, I don''t think anybody is gonna be copacetic about you being here, Mother, so... do you want to stay here in our rooms with us, or in our Library room?"


    "No."


    I shook my head. "Okay, then, Library room it is." When she opened her not-mouth, I interrupted with, "I like to be worshipped in private. So, you wait down there." I took her by the hand and stepped her to our little sex nest. I looked her in the eye and asked, "can I trust you?"


    "No."


    I facepalmed. "You will remain here until Isnomi wakes up normally and is rested enough for another visit"


    She stood there, impassive, finally saying, "Acceptable."


    "Right. I''ll see you tonight."


    With that I left her there and stepped back to our room, where I collapsed into bed face first. "Poor Goof. Is there anything I can do without distracting you from Norfolk?"


    I mumbled into the bedding. "Worship?" I definitely felt some kinda way about saying that out loud, right up until a quiet humming filled the room, followed by an absolute avalanche of energy smashing down on my from all sides. It... wasn''t the same as before. Rather, it was that plus something more. I realized that somehow this had a different flavor. Didn''t want to get up, but managed to flop my head sideways to see a ring of alternating Saffrons and Maries around me. "Isn''t D gonna feel some kinda way about that?" The Maries all looked up, grinned, and shrugged. "Shit, will he notice?"


    "Maybe."


    Half-moaned words kinda dribbled out of me. "Fuck. This feels so goddamned good, like a million nights of sleep all at once. Or maybe, wait, no, definitely like all the food comas in the world hovering over me. Seriously. I don''t want D getting all jealous, Marie. Is he gonna get jealous?"


    "Briefly."


    "Shit, don''t hurt him." She got all pouty, which was adorable, and after a second I said, "okay, don''t hurt him more than you normally would." Her grin popped back up, her face went down, and the wattage climbed into the ''just gonna lay here and vibe forever'' range.


    At some point they unplugged to come to bed, but by that point I was fully ready to go to sleep, or lie there for a few million days, or, y''know, whatever needed to be done.


    Mimic dreamt briefly of the return of chibi hibachi chef Saffron, but most of the night she spent hiding under her own ass, staring at her own navel in vaguely terrified fascination.


    We slept away most of the day. Tuesday night Isnomi, Domnu, and I went to the roof again. I showed Domnu how to buckle Isnomi in, then I lay there looking smug and thinking about my set on Thursday while the two of them played tag or some shit in the sky. This time they flew until well past dawn. A little while after I heard Cadets going about their duBois supplied misery down in the Practice Yard, I caught sight of a dashiki moving across the roof toward me. "Hey, Headmaster."


    He closed within conversational distance and asked, "how go your efforts in Norfolk?"


    I shrugged. "Two down. One halfway done, duel is scheduled for Thursday. Planning it now while I watch." I nodded to the sky.


    "Good news, I suppose. Please let me know if there is any way the Academy can support your efforts, High Priestess."


    I shook my head. Sorta, at least. I wasn''t feeling really move-y. "Appreciated, but I gotta keep this to me, maybe the fam or folks who would support me without it being, y''know, an Alliance thing."


    "Amusing that your wife, the Imperator, might qualify under that."


    I chuckled. "Yeah, our command structure is all kinds of fucked up, ain''t it?"


    He shrugged. "Most young things are, if they''re healthy."


    I pondered that a moment before replying. "Thanks. Makes me feel a lot better about shit."


    "My duty as Headmaster, to foster the health and growth of my Cadets." He paused, but I could tell he hadn''t finished, that he wanted to avoid a non-sequitur, but couldn''t think of a way. "What is that flying with your daughter?"


    No point in sugar coating it. Not like she would if somebody got close enough to ask her. Just had to get ahead of it. "Domnu."


    The clockwork soul hiccoughed, but didn''t stop, and when it came back up to speed he said, "Domnu."


    "Yeah. Guess she managed to impress somebody enough to get absolution instead of extirpation. Conditional absolution, anyhow."


    "Conditional upon?"


    I wriggled a little to scratch my back on the roof tiles. "Helping out with Norfolk. Amusing Isnomi. Good behavior." I paused in thought. "Y''know, typical ex-con shit."


    He sucked in air, blew it out through his nose, and said, "I''ll leave you to it then."


    Isnomi didn''t come down until Domnu carried her down, snoozing in the harness. I unbuckled her, picked up her glider, said, "wait here," then delivered her and her glider to Marie in our rooms before returning. I looked Domnu in the eyes and said, "you heard what I said to the Headmaster?"


    "Yes."


    "So. You want absolution?"


    "No."


    I scrunched up my face and everything, but it didn''t seem to make any sense that way either. "You want me to end you?"


    "No."


    I reminded myself, deeply neurospicy territory, or an analog thereof. "Do you want anything?"


    She looked at me as if surprised I''d asked. "Yes."


    "What?"


    "Endings."


    "Of what?"


    "All things."


    Well. Should have seen that coming. "Anything else?"


    "Freedom."


    "Yeah... pretty sure that''s not going to happen any time soon. Sorry not sorry."


    She shook her head slowly. "Family." Before I could comment, she continued. "For you to stop apologizing." That shut me the fuck up for long enough for her to get an almost wistful look on her face before she said, "for my children to sing with me at the end of all things."


    That reminded me of something, and laughter bubbled out of me. "If Johnson heard that, he would move Heaven and Earth to get that fuckin'' Jotnar fuck pole inside you."


    Her head cocked to the side. "Why?"


    "Shit, Mom, why the fuck do any of us have any of the kinks we do? They put lead in the pencil, lubricate the love tunnel, and make the happy making happier."


    She sounded kinda put out when she said. "I do not understand."


    I snorted. "Ain''t that what I just said?"


    "No, Daughter. I do not... understand." The way she stressed that last word finally got the point across. She might get it intellectually, but love? lust? fucking? None of those were things you could really grasp entirely without any connection to all that good biological shit like getting turned on like a fuse and popping off like a goddamned firework. Right then and there I realized how I could finally make her understand, but I also realized I didn''t have the energy to interface with her any more today.


    I took her unresisting hand in mine, stepped her down to the Library Love Shack, pressed my forehead against hers like she knew what that meant, and said, "I''ll be back for you around dark." Then I stepped back to our room, fell into bed next to Saffron, let Marie arrange us into optimal snuggling positions, and drifted off to sleep.

 Day Three Hundred And Four

    Dear Diary,


    I get that part of that whole ''finding a balance between me and she'' is important, but some part of me feels like it''s almost, maybe more important that she becomes human.


    I sure as shit know I''m not becoming ''divine'' any time soon. Not in any kind of way that matters in the long run. Not in a good way, anyhow. Let''s face it, I break shit. I''m good at breaking shit. Don''t get me wrong, I know there''s a lot of shit here and now that desperately needs breaking. Systemic bigotry. Entrenched oppressive exploitative power structures. I was gonna say ''Gods'', but honestly after meeting Loki, and Sigyn, and hell, D even, it''s not even Gods that are the problem. Bad Gods are kind of a symptom, but they''re also the cause of the problem itself, which flips back around to ''entrenched oppressive exploitative power structures'', just on a bigger scale.


    But while there''s all kinds of stuff that needs to be broken? Systems that are aching to be smashed? That won''t make the world a better place.


    That takes building. The problem isn''t the existence of power structures. It''s how they''ve been controlled by folks intent on doing all kinds of shady shit with them. But without some kind of structure, no way could humans make enough food to turn the world from the chaotic violent shit show that is mother nature in all her glory into something where people could spend time making the whole fucking place better. Oh, sure, people could survive in little villages. They could survive hunting and gathering. We did, for a long fuckin'' time. Utterly at the mercy of the Old Gods of Famine, Disease and Death.


    I can''t build. Not really. Not the way Saffron could. Not the way humans could.


    Weird, how little that phrasing had to do with Mimic, and everything to do with me.


    Woke up in the middle of the family cuddle puddle, the sky painted evening colors. I got a little bit of Worship flavored vibes from Saffron and Marie, both of whom snuggled into me from the sides. Didn''t really remember my Mimic dreams, although my mouth tasted faintly of shrimp. After a few minutes of lying there vibing, I said, "I''ve got an idea of something to do with Grandmama Domnu tonight."


    "Fly?"


    I snagged her and cuddle her while she squirmed and giggled. "No, not fly, Menace." A mulish look slid onto her face until I said, "I thought we''d all go down to the green with your brother." Mulishness slipped into confusion. "Vulcan." An expression of pure mischievous glee replaced everything else. "Yeah, go grab our clothes so we can get dressed."


    She scampered away. After a surprising amount of thumping and clunking from the other room, she dragged a whole heap of clothes back through the door, her only point of contact her uniform pants, which had been looped through a suspicious leather strap. I rolled out of bed, bent down, and picked Vulcan''s case off the floor, clothing spilling off as I set it on the bed. I opened my mouth to say something, but she hopped away, pants dangling from one hand, and said, "did na touch!"


    "How did you get his case closed without touching those bolts?"


    She started hopping back and forth, making whip noises, flicking her pants at me. "Whoo pah! Whoo pah!"


    I couldn''t help it. I know the proper Mom thing would be to critique and consequence first, but I broke down laughing. "Look..." I forced words out as I dropped over to the bed, laughing. "You little Menace. ''Do not touch your brother'' includes using tools, little tool using monkey."


    Her jaw dropped open with her pants half on, and the blubbery eyes started. "Na fa!"


    I shook my head. "You get away with it. This time. Because we didn''t specify. But from now on?"


    "Na tauch wid pans."


    "No touch with any tools, Menace."


    She grinned at me. "Na tauch wid toows."


    I looked over at the other two, who''d already managed to get half dressed. "Not gonna back me up?"


    Marie shrugged. Saffron just smiled at me and said, "you seemed to be doing fine. Perhaps more generous than I would be, but I suppose it''s not fair to punish her for being clever."


    Once we all had our uniforms on more or less correctly, I opened Vulcan''s case, pushed the two loose bolts into their recesses, then closed and latched the lid. As I handed it to Saffron, I asked, "can you meet us on the back lawn? Marie and I need to pick up target dummies."


    "Certainly." She slung Vulcan''s case over her back and held out her arms for Menace, who jumped up and clung to her like the little monkey she''d decided to emulate for the day. I took Marie''s hand and stepped us to the equipment shack, where we each gathered up as many dummies as we could carry. I only managed four; Marie had that many under each arm, and one in her mouth. When we stepped down to the lawn, I Co-Located our little Library Love Shack, tapped Domnu with my foot and stepped the pair of us outside, where I dropped the extra four dummies and collapsed back into myself.


    "Heavy." Marie let hers clatter to the ground.


    I nodded. "Yeah. Forgot to warn you, Translocating carrying a bunch of crap is rough for some reason."


    Saffron chuckled. "No Aura."


    Domnu added what Saffron had been too polite to say. "Obviously."


    "One at a time shouldn''t be too bad. You feel okay to help me, Marie?"


    "Yes."


    The two of us bounced back and forth, setting up a few targets every hundred feet or so. By the time we finished, Saffron had Vulcan strung, cocked, and loaded. "I don''t remember, have you fired him before, Marie?"


    Marie shrugged and held out her hands. Saffron handed Vulcan over, and after a quick examination she brought him up to a passable standing rifleman''s stance. "You''ve seen a Crossbow fired, I''m guessing?"


    "Yes." She squeezed the trigger, and that notorious thrum sent a glowing blue bolt downrange to demolish a target dummy and leave a glowing hole in the ground behind it. I''d been watching her face, and I''m sure she didn''t see the impact, despite how big her eyes got.


    As Isnomi clapped at the light show and Marie scrabbled to cock him again, I leaned over to Saffron. "Do her eyes always do that?"


    "Most times."


    "Why have I never noticed that before? It''s fuckin'' adorable. Literally."


    Saffron giggled as Marie slotted another bolt. "She''s never been fully dressed before, and you''re easily distracted by boobs."


    "Hey! Hers aren''t that big. To scale, anyhow."


    Vulcan thrummed again, and as Saffron said, Marie''s eyes got real big, her pupils more than anything else. "I didn''t say you were only distracted by large breasts."


    "No, but you said boobs. Smaller ones are tits."


    She looked up at me. "Really?"


    I nodded solemnly as another bolt slipped into Vulcan''s groove, followed by another thrum. I swear, for an inanimate object, my boy somehow managed to look smugger than any guy I''d ever seen observing a confirmed O face. "Oh, absolutely."


    Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.


    "So Marie has tits, where Sigyn, Domnu, and I have boobs?"


    I shook my head. "Nah. I''ve got boobs. You''ve got knockers." Clickety, clickety, clickety, thrum, eye-pop.


    By this point Menace was waving her arms and cheering like Marie''d been putting on a fireworks show. Honestly, given the flashes I''d seen from downrange, I guess she had. I''d been watching the more local fireworks though. "Ah. I see. Knockers. Dare I ask regarding Sigyn and Domnu, as they obviously ought have the same descriptor?" Clickety, clickety, clickety, thrum, eye-pop.


    Marie let out a little whimper. "Gazongas. You okay over there, Marie?"


    "yes?" Clickety, clickety, clickety, thrum, eye-pop, whimper.


    "He is literally a machine, you realize? He will neither tire nor flag in any way?" Saffron had some actual concern in her voice.


    Meanwhile Marie had half turned, keeping even unloaded Vulcan pointed downrange, and her grin matched her popped eyes. "Yes!" Clickety, clickety, clickety, thrum, eye-pop, whimper. Cheers from Menace as one of the further targets rocketed into the sky, burning.


    "Y''know, I want Domnu to have a go tonight as well. Save a few bolts for her?"


    Marie glanced at me. Her hands blurred. Clickety, clickety, clickety, thrum, eye-pop, whimper, whimper. Clickety, clickety, clickety, thrum, eye-pop, whine. "No."


    I couldn''t help it. I leaned on Saffron''s shoulder, laughing. Oh my God. Kitten, we''ve found her sweets!


    Duh. Also? It is adorable how much glee you take in finding our guilty pleasures, then indulging us as much as Divinely possible.


    Isn''t that what I''m supposed to do?


    Oh, you adorable Goof. That, too, is definitely going on the Ledger.


    I pulled away just a little. What? What''d I do wrong this time?


    She smiled at me, then leaned up on tiptoes to give me a quick kiss on the lips. You said you wanted your rewards added to that Ledger too, my insatiable Goof. Which, I think tells us exactly what your guilty pleasure is.


    I think my grin might have gotten a little goofier at that point. Oh. Yeah. For the next few minutes I just stared as Marie sent climactic explosions downrange.


    Then we spent a few hours playing scavenger hunt for bolts.


    Domnu sat there doing nothing until Isnomi grabbed her finger and led her around to collect bolts. Where the rest of us had to dig them out of the dirt, or Mana Blade them out of trees or rocks, or in Marie''s case just tear a fuckin'' gash in the tree or rock with her claws, when Menace found one and pointed at it? Domnu would just reach down through the dirt or rock or wood like it wasn''t even there, then yoink the bolt out of whatever. Not even explosively. Even the rock crumbled out of the way like cheese.


    Once we had them all collected, before Marie could grab Vulcan again, I picked him up and said, "Marie, sweetie, I brought us all out here tonight so Grandmama Domnu could try a few shots. Since she has absolutely no experience with such things." Marie finally picked up what I was putting down, and looked at Domnu with undisguised pity.


    "Wanna try!" Menace called out.


    "NO!" Kinda funny how Saffron, Marie, and I all managed to say that word in exactly the same tone at exactly the same time.


    "Remember what I said, Menace. Vulcan is not a toy."


    "Wrong." growled Marie.


    "Oh, hush, you. Vulcan, not unlike Marie, is not a toy appropriate for children."


    She looked up at me, mulishness creeping onto her face. "Wen nod chile?"


    Fuck it, not like we could stop her doing it once she was allowed to say it. Just had to remember to have The Talk before then. "Thirteen."


    "Thirdeen?"


    I nodded. "Thirteen."


    She sighed as Saffron hissed, "thirteen?"


    I shrugged. "Yeah, like she''s your lost virginity." Saffron stood there, gawping at me. Then she kicked me in the shin. "What? I''m not wrong."


    "No, but you didn''t have to just put it all out there like that."


    I pulled her to me. "Saffron?"


    She folded her arms, but leaned into me. "Yes, Tabitha?"


    "You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty or ashamed about that. If you were old enough to want it, to consent to it? You have no reason to feel guilty at all."


    She hunched a little. "Um..."


    Oh, lordy. Out with it. "Menace? Why don''t you help Grandmama load Vulcan? You''ve been watching, you can show her."


    Isnomi''s eyes got huge like dinner plates, then she scampered over to instruct Domnu on the fine art of cocking and loading Vulcan.


    I might have lied to him about my age.


    I snorted. Yeah, but you didn''t lie about knowing what you were asking for, or consenting, did you?


    Well. No. But I lied about, y''know, finishing. Because he was really bad at it.


    Oh, I''m so sorry, sweetie. That''s horrible.


    Your first time was better?


    I shrugged, hugging her to me. Eh. He got off on the self-service during.


    If we have sons we need to be sure they know better.


    Ooh. Super kinky.


    She elbowed me in the gut, which I totally deserved. Lectures and drawings, Goof. it''s basic anatomy and attention to detail, not Mobile Warding Mathematics.


    Oh. Yeah. Way less kinky. You take care of that.


    She stomped my foot. Again, totally deserved. You will assist with that, or...


    Or what, you''ll put it on the Ledger? Don''t threaten me with a good time.


    She tilted her head back and grinned up at me. "Oh, no, Tabitha Diaz. Your Ledger will perforce be cleared well before then."


    "Huh?"


    Right about then, Menace interrupted us. "Ma! Mama! Gammama gone shood!" We both watched, eager to see Domnu''s response to our son''s less savory proclivities. Hell, Marie watched right along with us. After I gathered her up, so did Isnomi, although her gaze pointed downrange rather than at Domnu''s face.


    Domnu''s form might have been less polished than Marie''s. She didn''t lift the bow to her eye level, but then I''m not sure she really saw things with her eyes anyhow. She squeezed the trigger, Vulcan thrummed, and another target dummy exploded into burning fragments. Isnomi cheered. Domnu''s eyes slid shut, then open again. Vulcan, of course, looked smug as shit.


    She reached down, lifted another bolt from Vulcan''s case, then began cocking him. This time she didn''t do what Marie had been doing, or what the Menace had shown her. They''d each wound him up tight enough to get a good solid shot in, to let him give Isnomi a pretty light show with each shot. Domnu kept cranking that charging handle over, and over, and over. "Mother, if you break him..."


    "I will not."


    "He has limits."


    At that point Vulcan straight up smugged at me harder. "I am aware, daughter." At that point I got just a little weirded out by the fact that she kept talking without any apparent muffling despite holding one of Vulcan''s bolts in her mouth. "Have you consumed Artemis yet?"


    "Uh... no?"


    "Has she made appropriate obeisance and apology, then?"


    "Also no? Oh Shit, wait!" I wound up catching on just a little too slow. Domnu spun, elevated Vulcan''s business end, and stroked his trigger. I felt the thrum through my feet, although I guessed dirt didn''t give him the same kind of control over that shit, because it was more ''teeth chatter'' than ''try not to give the game away''.


    Kind of pointless, though, because as Luna got a new fucking Mare, Domnu''s eyes slid shut, and without lungs she let out a long, shuddering breath. "Did you really need to do that, Mother?"


    Kinda weird to see her stand there considering it for at least a solid twenty count before nodding, a smile slipping across her lips as she said, "Yes."


    I shook my head and remembered why I''d brought her out here in the first place. I handed Isnomi over to Saffron. "Could you take her in? I think she needs to get back on a day schedule soon." When Menace got a pouty look, I said, "Grandmama won''t be staying with us forever, Menace. She''ll visit again, though, and I''ll make sure she says goodbyes before she leaves."


    She got a little less mulish, then held her hands out to Domnu. When I nodded, she stepped over and let Isnomi clamber onto her. "G''nide, Gammama. I lub you."


    I gave her a look and nodded, and Domnu replied, "night will always be good to you, beloved granddaughter."


    After Menace hugged her general head and face region for a bit, she hopped back to Saffron, who said, "good night, Mother Domnu," before disappearing.


    I made sure she was looking at me before I said, "yeah, remember we were talking about Johnson?"


    "I remember."


    "Yeah. That," I nodded to Vulcan, "is what he''d like to do with you. To you. For you. Whatever."


    Her head tilted. "Shoot me?"


    I very carefully swallowed every comment that tried to climb out of my throat about spears, instead limiting myself to a mature, restrained, "the other part."


    That got another slow blink as I gently took Vulcan from her hands. "Oh." Another ten count passed. "Acceptable."


    I snorted. "Yeah, yeah. I kinda figured. Now go get that fuckin'' bolt and bring it back here."


    As Domnu rose into the sky, Marie sighed. "Aw, why is my Murder Mittens sad?" She just nodded toward Vulcan. I grinned at her, tossed her Vulcan, and said, "hey, it''s gonna take her a while to get back. Just one rule." She froze, one eyebrow lifting. "You pick targets where I can watch your face. That shit is adorable."


    She managed to go through the rest of Vulcan''s bolts before Domnu got back and I officially called it a night, putting Vulcan back in his case, Domnu back in her room, and Marie back in our bed, where she purred the rest of the night away.


    I managed to get a decent half-night''s sleep. Mimic stared at the Moon''s new Mare and drooled.


    Mid morning, after seeing Isnomi and Marie off on a sleepy day of carting, I stepped into Conrad''s Workshop. "Son?"


    He popped up behind me. "Yes, Mother?"


    I turned and gave him a quick hug. "Good Morning, Son. I wondered if you could help me with something?"


    "Name it."


    "Well, I''ve got this whole ''Battle of the Bands'' thing coming up tomorrow."


    He winced, and lifted a hand, palm out, "please, Mother. Do not ask me to do music."


    I smiled at him. "Oh, please, Son. You were absolutely sending music along with your light show the evenings before I adopted you."


    He smiled. "I was. For you. Besides, I doubt you''d want me to play quite such an expensive tune for you?" Quickly, before I could reply, he added, "I will if you ask, but I would truly rather not."


    I shook my head, smiling at him. "No, Son. I was hoping you''d help with instruments and costumes."


    His ear-to-ear smile told me exactly what his response would be.

 Day Three Hundred And Five

    Dear Diary,


    Never knew a Battle of the Bands could be more exhausting than an actual, y''know, battle.


    So after Conrad and I spent most of the day yesterday designing costumes and sets, I spent the evening going over songs with the fam. Kinda funny, seeing who could do what best. I fetched Sigyn back because reasons, and she managed to twig to what I needed her to do almost right away. Saffron just nodded when I went over lyrics, then sang them back to me verbatim. A little off key on the first go round, but a quick Boon fixed that.


    Yeah, I know the more Divine shortcuts I take the harder it gets for me to, y''know, not take them, but given that my whole reason for doing this shit is to reduce casualties and suffering all around, it''s justified. Maybe I''ll need some more therapy after to straighten my shit out, but I think I''ll take, ''I''ve picked up bad habits and alter reality rather than walk across the room'' therapy over ''I killed every fourth person throughout a geographic region'' therapy any fuckin'' day of the week.


    Once Saffron hit the right notes on shit other than lullabies, her singing voice really filled in the soprano register in our group well. With Boonified Marie we had the bottom of the register covered, and Domnu just doubled down on that without any need for Boons. Then again, mostly her job was, as noted, to lurk rhythmically. When I told Isnomi she''d get to come along and help, Saffron took over Isnomi''s normal job of looking mulish, looking adorably like her daughter in that moment, but I assured her the whole point of the exercise was to avoid a fight. That didn''t work all that well until Domnu looked at Saffron and said, "be at peace, High Priestess. My Daughter''s spawn is under my protection."


    When that didn''t seem to calm her fears sufficiently, I piped up with, "if anybody tries to hurt her, the gloves come off and we turn that person into bloody salsa. Fair?"


    "I will not be sanguine about this." She held up a hand. "I understand, and I agree to your plan, but I will be tense until this contest is done and she is home."


    "Fair."


    By the time everybody had their lines down, knew their roles in each song, and basically were ready to back me up today, the sun had set a while before. Sigyn returned to Loki for the rest of the evening, and Marie, Menace, and my wife bedded down on the floor of the office. I stepped Domnu back to the Library Love Shack, but before I could leave she raised a hand toward me. I paused, and she asked, "this ''contest'' on the morrow. Why?"


    I thought about it. "Phileo needs some things from Norfolk, but can''t take them without a war. If I take them this way, we get them without that war."


    "Why do you avoid war?"


    "People die in wars. Never the ones you think. Not that it matters. People die."


    "And? People die anyway."


    "I. Don''t. Like. That."


    She stared at me for a bit. "You had me kill the Mage."


    I nodded. "I did. I''m not super proud of that. I can''t think of anybody I''ve killed that I''m really proud of killing."


    She frowned. "Sengann."


    I took a deep breath. "Y''know? I used to be. I was. Then..."


    When I didn''t speak after trailing off, she asked, "and then?"


    I shook my head to try and clear it. "Then I saw you looking for him. You''re... a shitty Mom, for a human."


    "I am not human."


    "No shit. I wasn''t finished. You''re a shitty Mom for a human, but you''re still a mother. You still feel something, even if it''s not like I do, not like anyone else does. But you didn''t do anything to deserve having your kid taken away."


    "I murdered you."


    I rolled my eyes. "I got over it. I''m getting over it. I''ll get over it eventually. But if all I do is murder you back, or go around killing your kids to hurt you? How the fuck am I any better than you are?"


    She froze. In that endless instant of motionlessness, she was the uncanny valley. "You would surpass me."


    "Yeah, I get that you don''t get that. It''s the biggest part of Mortal Momming you just don''t get." When she tilted her head I continued. "I absolutely want Menace to surpass me someday. I will not be upset in the slightest. Don''t get me wrong, I''m not going to make myself weaker, or less, just to give her an easy win. But on the day she does? The day I look at her and realize that she''s faster, stronger, smarter, kinder, gentler, greater than I will ever be? That''s the day when I''ll know I''ve done Momming right."


    "You would have me want you to surpass me."


    I sighed. "It would make me feel a little more cared for, yeah."


    She went silent and still. After a few minutes, she asked, "would you have me... seduce... the Bard Johnson?"


    Okay, I did not expect that. I shook my head. "Look, if you wanna? Like, you think he''s cute, or his voice is nice, or you like the flavor of his Worship, or you just wanna try to see what happens when you juxtapose a cock bigger than your torso with your torso? Shit, sure, go ahead. If a side effect of that is him throwing the contest or something? Just giving me his ship and Jarldom? Cool cool. But I don''t want you doing it for that reason."


    "Why?"


    "It''s not fair to you or to him."


    "The universe is not fair. The universe does not care about fairness."


    This time I knew the answer. "I. Do." I paused to watch that sink in, then said, "rest well, Mother."


    While I slept snuggled around Saffron and Isnomi, mirrored by Marie, Mimic... flopped back and stared at the sky, wondering where Mom had gone. Hypermelanistic orange fuckin'' tabby, I tell you.


    We woke up a little late, but Marie managed to score us all some decent breakfast. Sigyn joined us, as did Domnu. Sigyn enjoyed the spicy eggs and jalapeno scrapple. Domnu... tried everything. More by pushing it in between her lips, where it disappeared, than by eating it or anything.


    "Inferior to Worship."


    "Yeah, I''d love to help you with smell and taste, but I got nothin''."


    At that point Conrad slid the armoire door open. "Is that a priority, Mother?"


    After a brief pause for thought, I shook my head. "Might be fun sometime later, but we''ve got a battle to win after lunch. I take it our costumes are all done?"


    He nodded. "I''d like to fit everyone, of course. Shall we begin?"


    The funniest part of the whole process, at least for me? Watching as Sigyn and Domnu tried to out-casual one another while clearly wanting to piss themselves at willingly putting themselves into Conrad''s clutches. Just made it funnier that neither of them really had thing one to fear. Hell, the worst thing Conrad did to either of them was using some spare leather from my rope darts to make Domnu a halter top, a skirt, and a pair of boots to match Sigyn''s.


    When I asked him why he hadn''t made her stockings or garter belt, he sighed, pulled out a single garter, and had her try it on. It looked identical to the tops of Sigyn''s stockings, yet somehow where her stockings pushed in creating that perfect little pudge? Domnu''s just... laid there. Utterly weird, what with her thighs jiggling more or less appropriately, and going squish when I poked at them, but we just did not have time to fuck around with that.


    I dunno, maybe I''d ask Johnson if he survived.


    So after the late lunch, none of us were hungry by the time we needed to head Norfolkward. "Everybody ready?" Everybody except Domnu nodded. She just stood there Domnuing. Saffron reached out for me, but I smiled and said, "nah, you''re gonna love this part."


    I grabbed up my swordstaff and my rope darts and Co-Located to Johnson''s Green.


    Gotta say, I got a bit of a shock on landing. I''d shown up right at the open end of the stands, only to find myself looking down on a massive floating stage where the bridge had been. Johnson had reworked his Green entirely, leaving the whole thing as floor seats for the stage. The stands, formerly simple bleachers, had been replaced with fancy seating for Warriors and what looked like at least half a dozen Jarls.


    I immediately stepped down to the stage, where Johnson waited for me in the presence of a small band of backup musicians, all of them arrayed to one side of the huge stage. Frankly, they didn''t look like much, but then most of the time neither did I, so I did not let my guard down. The Jarl himself stood before a rack of musical instruments. I saw something guitar-like, a set of handheld drums, a violin looking thing, some kind of brass horn that wasn''t a trumpet but reminded me of one, and two other wooden wind instruments. He also had something that resembled a piano, but smaller. No idea on that.


    You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.


    "Jarl Diaz! You''ve arrived! And with at least..." He looked at the sun a moment, then continued with his voice still amplified to carry to the crowd. "A few minutes to spare!" He looked around, then continued quietly. "She won''t be joining us, then?"


    I smiled at him. "We''re supposed to set up over there, right?" I nodded to the empty side of the stage.


    "Yes?"


    "Okay then." I stepped to the far side of the stage, Co-Locating as I did. I slammed my swordstaves down into the stage about three feet apart, the tiniest bit of their points digging into hold them upright. One of my rope darts stretched across the top as a lintel, with another looped around to hang down along one side of the open doorway. "Just lemme know when you''re ready to go!"


    He nodded, then waved me over. When I stood in front of him he said, "I do apologize, but things have gotten a bit out of hand. The King wishes to speak before we begin."


    "The what now?"


    He nodded, then waved. I waited as the sea of faces parted, and a dude in really fancy armor and furs walked down from the highest of the seats surrounding the Green. Between walking down the steps, walking across the green, and a fuckin'' glacial pace he probably thought of as ''regal'' or some shit, he finally made it to us after a long fuckin'' wait.


    Tabitha, is all well?"


    Yeah, just got to talk at some dude before we get started. Stay frosty.


    I''ll try. This outfit is a little uncomfortable.


    Sorry about that. You look awesome though.


    At that point King Gregor, who''d been accompanied by a kind of royal march played by Johnson''s backup musicians during his whole walk across the Green, walked across the floating bridge to the stage. When he spoke, whatever whammy Johnson used to announce to the crowd affected his voice as well. "Jarl Diaz."


    I nodded. "King Gregor." My own voice carried across the silent crowd as well as his.


    He smirked. "I''m surprised you acknowledge me as your King."


    "Oh, hey, let''s not get ahead of ourselves. You''re a King, sure. Not my King."


    If that pissed him off, he didn''t show it. Dammit. "So, to whom do you bend knee?"


    I smiled at him, letting it slide just a little wider than it should. "Oh, mostly I bend other people''s knees. Usually sideways." I paused just long enough to cut him off. "I mean, I guess I technically bend my knees in the bedroom sometimes, but my wife and I take turns at that, so that makes us equals, right?"


    "You consider your wife your equal?"


    I kept my grin wide, but scratched the back of my neck when I said, "I mean, yeah. If you can''t score an equal or better for the bedroom, are you even trying?" Again I cut him off before he could talk. "I mean, your man Johnson sure as fuck set his sights high. You think you''re Domnu''s equal, Johnson?"


    "Hardly, Diaz."


    I waved a hand at Johnson as if to say, ''see?'' "See? There''s a man worthy of the word. Isn''t your wife your equal?"


    He bristled a little. "None in Norfolk are my equal. I am King!"


    "Of the whole City, right?"


    He nodded. "Of course."


    "Okay. Cool. Head honcho of one City." I nodded in time with him. "So since my wife is head honcho of five cities, and I''m her equal, what does that make me again?"


    That got him. Booger look achieved. "You would come to us and conquer us by trickery?"


    I shrugged. "You noticed the dress, right?"


    "What of it? You expect perhaps to seduce me?"


    I put on my best shy girl blush and said, "aw, you think I''m pretty? But nah, this dress means I''m a High Priestess of Loki. Which would mean Trickery is pretty much straight up my alley, right?"


    He scoffed. "Obviously."


    "Yeah. That''s why I''m not doing that."


    "What?"


    I nodded. "Oh, yeah. You didn''t get the memos I''ve been tossing at you?" I pulled the remaining four out of my boot and handed them over. When he didn''t reach to take them, I just thwapped his chest with them, mineral bonding them together and to his armor. "I''m not here to trick you into anything. I''m here to kick the shit out of any Jarls who don''t surrender to me. Oh, and any Champions stupid enough to stand between me and them."


    "You''ve killed three already!"


    I smiled, hamming it up for the crowd. "Yeah," I thought about the last time I''d gotten to really play around with both Marie and Saffron, and put that in my voice when I said, "totally makes me tingle in the southerly regions, y''know? Got to GET SOME! So, y''know, don''t surrender. Really lubricates the old love tunnel, painting the general vicinity red with whatever''s left of you. But I promised a friend of mine, anybody who surrenders gets to live."


    "This will mean war!"


    I stepped right up to him. "Oh? Really? Are you that much of a pansy?" He choked on his own spit, and I steamrolled him before he could reply. "Pansy means coward in this case. Not flower. You''re way too ugly to be a flower." He opened his mouth, but I kept going. "Because I''m just one little woman, and if fourteen of your best can''t face me down, do you really think hiding behind all of them," I waved at the Green full of Thralls, "will do anything but inflate my body count?"


    "ENOUGH!" Gregor bellowed. "Should you win this stupid contest against Johnson, you will face our Champions and our Jarls. Here, on Johnson''s Green. You will not leave until we defeat you."


    I snorted. "Or until you run out of poor bastards to throw at me, while you hide in the stands? I''m playing by the rules you set up, just to show your people who aren''t complete fuck ups that I''m better than you. You get eight."


    "Eight what?"


    "Eight fighters. Champions. Jarls. Whatever. Sure, I''ll stay on the Green. I''ll fight them one at time. If you don''t send somebody on a given day? You forfeit one of those. If you send more than one at a time? I''m gonna kill ''em all then feed you to Domnu." I looked at Johnson. "Don''t worry, I mean like I fed Anundr to her. Not, like, fun naked feeding time." While Johnson coughed and Gregor spluttered, I said, "if you don''t concede after I wipe your eight best? Or if you try to cheat some other fucked up way? Or if you put one goddamned bastard headed for any Alliance City? I''m going to remember that you''re fuckin'' Mortal."


    He reared back. "What is that supposed to mean? You''ll kill me?"


    "No, you dumb fuck. I''ve already said I''m gonna kill you. I mean that I''ll remember I can Revive you and kill you again, over and over and over, until you break and cower in fear."


    "I WILL NOT..."


    "OH FUCK YOU! I can''t deal with Calverton until I deal with Norfolk, and until I deal with Calverton I''ve got nothing but Mana and time that I''d rather spend in the bedroom with my wife. But you''re missing the real fucking points, I think."


    He glowered at me. "And that is?"


    "First, right now me making this whole conflict between one of me and eight of you is saving a lot of your fucking Thralls and Karls and Jarls all kinds of pain and suffering. Which means I''m doing a lot better job Kinging than you are right now. Second? So far the one guy who fought me with his brain rather than his testicles is currently my Seneschal in what used to be his village. Which means he''s still got his life, his job, and most of his perks; all he''s got to do is what I tell him. The second guy?" I turned to Johnson. "What''s your best result today?"


    Johnson could take a cue, at least. "Domnu," he sighed out in a voice that, frankly, played the whole, ''eagerly awaiting getting his freak on'' way better than I ever had.


    "So, you see, Greg? Any of your boys who bend the knee before I turn them into meat? Get to be my boys, and I take care of my own." He just gabbled, so I stepped forward, pushed him backward with my fingertips as I stepped us both back to his box seat, then stepped back to the stage. "But for now, Greg? Enjoy the fuckin'' show."


    "BITCH!" His scream was no longer magnified by the stage, but he had the height and high ground, not to mention a powerful pair of lungs.


    "Thanks, Greg!" I turned to Johnson. "That''s my cue; I''m going first." I stepped back to my notional doorway. Kitten? Costume change. Bitch time.


    Fuck. On it.


    I slid the single dangling rope across the notional doorway, and a torrent of smoke leaked out through the bottom of the door. I stuck my hand through the door and pulled Saffron out. She held a white guitar and wore a simple, well tailored suit in black and white. I spun her around as I ran a hand down the strings, a simple if attention getting snarl sounding until the smoke to one side of the door cleared, revealing a complete drum setup. We''d discovered pretty early on that nobody in our group had a better sense of rhythm than Saffron, and her sitting at the drum set totally let me play to her, so I did.


    She started in with the drum and snare, and I followed in with a few simple chords. After a few extra cycles than the song properly called for, mostly to give her time to get everybody else into their proper outfits for this song, I started singing to her. "I hate the world today." She smiled at me, and I skipped backward, playing and singing. "You''re so good to me, I know, but I can''t change."


    I sang to my wife, my apologies and sympathy maybe a little realer than they ought to have been. I felt her wanting to reply, a pressure against my mind, but she just smiled at me and moved with the music as she kept up the rhythm. When I hit the last line before the chorus, I smiled and rolled away from her still playing and singing, "I''m a little bit of everything, all rolled into one,"


    I ended my roll glaring straight up at Gregor, and my cover might have gotten just a little bit punk at that point, "I''m a bitch!" I spun back toward the door, my form stretching out as I Mimicked my concubine, "I''m a lover!" Marie spun away from me, playing bass, as I did another roll across the stage, Mimicking the Menace and blessing Conrad''s ability to somehow make a guitar that could resize with me without changing its output in the slightest, "I''m a child," Isnomi pranced away across the stage shaking a tambourine, somehow staying in time with Saffron, "I''m a mother," I kinda wished I''d practiced this part before, because Sigyn''s jiggle physics definitely felt some kinda way from the inside. She stepped back from me, playing a fiddle, which surprisingly she''d already known how to play. I just grooved as myself, playing to the audience as I sang, "I''m a sinner, I''m a saint, I do not feel ashamed."


    Liar.


    Oh, hush, Kitten.


    At that point I spun and stalked toward Johnson, Domnu''s jiggle physics feeling so much solider, especially in her new all black outfit. "I''m your hell, I''m your dream, I''m nothing in between, you know you wouldn''t want it any other way."


    I left her there, singing the rest of the song as my backup, focused on Johnson the whole fucking time, as I sang the rest of the song, my family backing me up. I flickered through my shapechanging routine every time the chorus came around, absolutely screaming, "I''m a bitch!" at Gregor every chance I got, even Translocating up to his box once to yell it right in his face. We repeated the chorus at least three more times than the song called for, but by that point the Thralls were, in a word, enthralled. Right before the best part, during one instrumental, Saffron kicked her chair back and did a bit of... not a drum solo, but a drum centerpiece. Of course we''d done that entirely to let me slide to a stop kneeling in front of her as I sang, "I''m a Goddess on my knees!"


    I absolutely hit pay dirt with that one. The Thralls, Karls, and Warriors all screamed out approval, and it was all we could do to keep the song both in tune and louder than them until they sang along.


    We stretched a five minute song out to like fifteen minutes between extra instrumentals, little solo bits where I played with one of the fam, and Mimicking Domnu to sway rhythmically while singing to Johnson. When we finally finished, the crowd lost their collective minds cheering for another solid ten to fifteen while I hammed it up.


    Eventually, I stepped it down, then held a hand out to Johnson when it got quiet. "Your go."


    I don''t know how the magnificent bastard did it. Some kind of divine divination, weird synchronicity, I don''t fuckin know. Maybe just being the exact kind of perfect freak who''d I''d heard sung it before.


    I''m gonna marry the night


    I won''t give up on my life


    You''re my goddess and queen


    Live passionately tonight


    I mean, the freakiest part? Watching him pull off dance moves I''d been certain Gaga must have used camera tricks to pull off.

 Day Three Hundred And Six

    Dear Diary,


    Seriously, I''m in awe at how much somebody from here and now who spends more of their time getting good at what they do can rock the shit out of whatever it is they decided to do.


    I ought to have realized. Saffron is Best Wife, Kitten of Kittens, High Priestess Beloved of her Goddess Carnally and in all Other Ways, not to mention Utter Badass By Design Rather Than Chance, but... she belongs here and now. Yeah, she''s awesome and some of that is just her being her, but a lot of what she is she''s made herself into. Like, by studying and practice and shit, not by poofing herself into badassery like a God do. But that means that path is there. That somebody who really wants to be whatever can be whatever. Unless somebody notices and squashes them, which I guess is what the Gods here and now did to people like, uh, Alexander, or Temujin, or Charlemagne.


    But apparently the Gods don''t mind a nihilistic freak of a Bard deciding to go so hard into music and dancing that he''s spontaneously channeling Gaga and Disturbed and shit. I mean, I guess their thought process probably went ''what''s the worst he can do, sing some little songs and do some little dances and shit? Fucker gets out of line we''ll squash him too''. Guess they really need to hope that either Domnu eats his entire ass in a literal sense or that he doesn''t hold a grudge.


    I''m gonna marry the night,


    I won''t give up on my wife,


    You''re my Goddess and Queen,


    Endless passion for the Night.


    I''m gonna marry the dark


    Gonna make love to the stark


    I''m a soldier to my own emptiness


    I''m here to win her


    On the one hand, the words were definitely different. This wasn''t exactly a song about positively nihilistic self-love by any stretch of the imagination. This was a dude utterly at peace with throwing himself directly at a Goddess who was, by her own words, the End of All Things, screaming ''notice me'', but in an absolutely notice-worthy fashion. The song, the music, hell, he even danced with that ''if I weren''t doing exactly the same move every time and maintaining my balance perfectly, you''d think I was having an epileptic fit or some shit''.


    I''m gonna lace up my boots


    Throw on some leather and cruise


    Along the river I love


    In my fishnet gloves


    Let me in her


    I''ll go down to the bar


    I''ll try forever more,


    I''ll hold my whiskey up high


    Kiss her boots and hems twice


    I won''t lose her


    Holy fuck I haven''t even mentioned the completely unhinged hip action. Not just, like, the power thrusting you''d expect, either. I mean, yeah, some of that, especially during the whole ''controlled epilepsy'' portion, but then he did the kind of stop motion shit you see in belly dancers. Jiggle, jiggle, thrust, thrust, freeze! Like he''d had his own pelvic region replaced by a Sybian saddle or some shit. Not gonna lie, man made me feel a little ashamed of my inherent bias toward prettiness right there, because if, like, his everything weren''t some variety of ugly or straight up intimidating? I might have Just Happened to him right there on the stage. He could keep his battleship and his Jarldom, I could make do with seven BBs, five towns, and a crown as my latest ''gifts as love language'' to Saffron.


    Leave no part of you to explore


    Nothing''s too cruel


    So I give me to you


    This world is not


    Just a pearl that you''ll never choose


    My Love is your new


    Leather and black


    Shadows and blood,


    I''ll give it all like an addict.


    He ended up with a long, involved, hypnotizing cycle through the chorus as he danced around her like a fuckin'' bird of paradise hopped up on ecstasy, cocaine, and some random shit he found in the couch cushions. As the last chord wound down, he reached out with one hand to touch her. Even there, he didn''t pull the sleaze move of reaching for her ass or tits or even the kind of dick move of trying to touch her face or something, but reached to touch her hand.


    I didn''t see her move, but a moment later she held his wrist motionless in her grasp. My brain didn''t hurt watching her Human sized hand span his Jotnar sized wrist without either one growing or shrinking, but it definitely considered putting in its two week notice at that kind of casual space time fuckery. "You would give me this?"


    He met her gaze unflinching. "It is yours already, My Lady. I would only ask one thing."


    She waited an uncomfortably long time before saying, "Ask."


    He bowed his head in supplication. "Allow me to retain it, that I might use it to please you."


    She didn''t reply, but let go of his hand as she tilted her head to stare down at him. Which, again, she did without changing size, even with her being maybe six feet tall or so and him being around fifteen feet. Hard to tell what with the chunky boots and heels. He bowed to her; like, bent all the way down until his forehead might have tapped the toes of her boots, maybe, if he''d been an inch closer. When he rose he turned to me. "Your go."


    Then it started to rain.


    Fuck it. Black outfits, follow my lead.


    Follow your... argh, Bitch!


    No, we did that already.


    The unhinged laughter echoing through my head told me I''d pay for that flippant comment later, but when the Fates have a momentary flash of coherence in the midst of their crack high, you gotta do what you gotta do.


    I felt kinda bad as I started fingering my guitar. Heh. Fingering. Everything Johnson had he''d worked for. I''d say ''worked his ass off for'', but the man had a dump truck wider than I was tall. Hell, it might be wider than two of me stacked on top of one another. But me? I couldn''t even say some bullshit like ''I won it in battle''. I''d inherited all this from Apollo''s dumb ass being an even dumber ass than usual. Still, if I traced it all back, what I''d said to Gregor still stood; however I''d gotten them, my intent remained to use these Skills to make the world a fuckin'' better place. Even if mostly all I did was clear the field so Saffron could, like, build shit.


    But I''d made my peace with that. As I started the tune with nothing but finger work as God and Anime intended, I tapped the head of my guitar against Saffron''s high hat until she picked up the rhythm. I almost lost my concentration as everybody''s costumes switched. Saffron in painted on jeans, a white tank top, and nothing else? In fucking pouring rain? I deserve some kinda something for not just taking her right there right then on stage, and fuck the competition or anybody who complained.


    Not that I thought I''d hear much in the way of complaints. We''d gone with a sort of faded blue tank top for Marie, Sigyn, and Domnu, and I''m just surprised that Aphrodite and Freya didn''t manifest spontaneously to complain about copyright infringement or some shit. Jeans and tank tops on those four in the rain? Even with the rain switching Marie to full on Uncanny Valley mode, the crowd went fuckin'' wild. That''s when I Co-Located and Mimicked each of them, giving them their backup vocal ''lines'' for the song, such as they were.


    "Ahh ahh ah ow wow." Yeah, just kind of an auditory drone, but all of them picked it up. By the third repetition, with me in my navy schoolboy uniform, complete with little navy newsboy hat, waving to the crowd, they''d started to join in. By the sixth, with Menace in a matching uniform dancing back and forth along the stage in front of me, shaking her little tambourine to help the rhythm impaired in the audience keep time, the river had more vibrations from the sound than from the fuckin'' rain.


    I was supposed to go on the seventh, but I stretched it out, absolute auditory edging, until I couldn''t stand it any more. "THUNDER!"


    Right then I knew I''d chosen well, even if I felt a little bad, because somebody north of us had just had their shit rocked to produce a crack of thunder from lightning that close. By the tenth repetition of the word, the audience was shouting along, and goddamn if they didn''t manage to outshout the damn lighting itself. Lightning blasted across the sky through the entire first verse; I have no fuckin'' clue what people thought a railroad or guns were, but every time I scream-sang, ''thunder'', the whole damn crowd finished the word with me, loud enough to compete with the goddamn lightning striking behind me.


    I wasn''t really watching my backup singers, but as I chased the Menace back and forth along the edge of the stage, both of us hopping along to the tune and hamming the fuck out of that shit, I noticed that they''d lined up to kind of sway rhythmically. Not half bad, given what they had to work with, but nowhere near the energy the pair of us at the front of the stage were putting out, and Saffron had gone full madwoman on the drums.


    Then the second verse started, and a surprisingly curvy, hilariously short compared to the other three chica in green jeans and shirt popped up in the middle of them. Unlike the other three, Lymanette wasn''t rotating his hips once for each repetition of that drone. No, that magnificent bitch was absolutely bouncing to the high hat, and getting the other three to do so as well. As I sang the line about the girls? He got all three of them to hop, spin, and face away from the audience, continuing to gyrate and bounce as they spread across the stage until they bracketed Saffron on the drums.


    At that point I wasn''t facing the audience either. Fuck being a Primordial Terror Goddess, I''m only fuckin'' human, and no way in this or any other universe would I not be facing that sight. "I was shakin'' at the knees!" Absolutely an understatement, I not only dropped to my knees, but folded over backwards until the rain pounded over me. When I sang, "could I come again please?" I''m really not sure exactly how much of that was song lyric. No, I''m not exaggerating or trying to play coy, between a view that literally knocked me off my feet and a sound level that had everything in the fuckin'' world vibrating to put Vulcan to shame, I could not tell. If this was just what Apollo had felt when he was at the top of his musician game, I can totally see why he''d been such a narcissistic prick. Not justifying it, just explaining it.


    By the end of the song, with all the extended instrumental solos, including one where Menace played the crowd itself with her little tambourine, unbridled enthusiasm, and not much else, I''d managed to make it back to my feet, but on the last line, as I fingered my guitar again, I dropped to my knees just to make myself shorter than Saffron, who stood behind me, and taller than Menace, who stood in front of me. Right in the middle of the last ''thunderstruck'', a bolt of lightning dropped out of the sky, mainly latching onto Sigyn, Domnu, and me, but with little arcs of electricity crawling over everything. Loki and Saffron both sheltered in the middle of the cage of electric bars, and Marie straight up sidestepped and danced over and around the arcs.


    Insane little mini-bitch, child of mine that she is? Leapt around on them like some kind of jungle gym, her form blurring as she moved so fast she managed to get two full laps in, tambourine vibrating in tune with my fingering, laughing like a fucking lunatic the entire time.


    The crowd had lapsed into stunned silence when the lightning bolt hit; when I leapt to my feet and we all took a bow they lost their goddamned minds. As we bowed and waved, I Co-Located to the Workshop. "Son?"


    "Yes, Mother?"


    "Did you do that?"


    He scoffed. "I am no God of Lightning, Mother. You know that." I just stared at him. "I did not use the slightest bit of Divine Power to summon or guide that bolt." I raised one eyebrow. "Do you know what kind of calculations it would take to design a set, instruments, and costumes to not just attract, but direct and sustain a bolt of lightning of that magnitude?"


    I smiled at him, hopped over and threw my arms around him in a big old sloppy Mom hug. "That... was awesome, Son. Thank you."


    This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    I think he was even blushing a little when I collapsed back into myself, stood, and nodded to Johnson. "Your go."


    He reached over and slid the piano-thing around so he could play it with his back to the crowd. Then he turned adoring eyes on Domnu and waited. It took the crowd a full minute or two to calm down from the raw adrenaline we''d pumped them full of, but at some point a hush poured across them, leaving nothing but the quiet whisper of misty rainfall. I think I saw him swallow nervously before his fingers touched the key things.


    Hello darkness, my dear friend


    I''ve come to sing to you again


    Because the sight of you demanding


    As I wept not understanding


    And the vision of you seared into my brain


    Still remains


    Within the sound of silence


    I swear, the man''s sincerity made me want to cry just listening to him. His backup guitarist joined, but I''m not sure he even hit the dude with the amplification whammy. Shit, I''m not sure Johnson had that thing going. He wasn''t singing to win our contest. He was singing to Domnu, and fuck what anybody else thought. Decided right then and fucking there that anybody but Domnu trying to hurt this big sad freak would have to go through me. Or, as the Raccoon God of Ammosexuals would put it, I''d go through them.


    In restless dreams, I''ve walked alone


    Narrow streets of cobblestone


    ''Neath the glowing of your sweet face,


    I bowed my head once I knew my place,


    When my eyes beheld your beauteous face again,


    In reflection,


    I heard the sound of silence


    And in the deepest night, I saw


    Ten thousand people, maybe more


    People talking without speaking


    People hearing without listening


    People writing songs that voices never shared


    And no one dared


    Disturb the sound of silence


    He wasn''t just singing random shit. Somehow I knew that at some point in his life he''d stood there, watching, waiting, weeping, as everywhere he looked he saw her, where nobody else could. Where nobody else would, even if they could. And where they all saw terror if they did, he saw nothing but beauty.


    "Fools" said I, "You do not know


    Terror does nothing but show,


    Her that you are all unworthy,


    To join me upon my journey."


    But my words, like silent raindrops fell


    And echoed in the wells of silence


    Fuck, he just kept crooning out these lines. Right then I realized why he''d faced away from the crowd. Not all the water on his face came from the sky.


    And the people bowed and cried


    To the darkness of the night sky


    And the dark flowed overtop them,


    They fell and let it stop them,


    Then I cried out "Domnu take me for your own, though I am nothing but a man,


    All that I am."


    I whispered to my love, the silence.


    He slumped over his piano thing. It should have looked ridiculous, because if anything it was even more disproportionate than Marie''s cart. But the way he slumped, the total exhausted submission in his posture elevated it from what should have been humor into a deeply humbling view of a man who had given his all and now waited, utterly at peace and utterly spent, for his Goddess to deem him worthy or not.


    Domnu just stared at him. If her expression changed at all, it had slipped from ''maybe loathing'' to ''possible tolerance''. I slipped over behind her and whispered, "decide yet?"


    I heard something I''d never heard before, something I had a hard time believing existed. Domnu''s response came back hesitant. "No? Not yet?"


    I smirked to cover up my shock and whispered, "just remember, dude has earned some private time, either to mourn when you tell him no or, y''know, so he can concentrate on, ah, Worshipping you."


    The hesitance gone from her voice, she said, "Understood." A few heartbeats passed, then she said, "Agreed."


    Johnson raised his head. I''m pretty sure he hadn''t heard us. I''m not sure he''d been aware of anything since he finished his song. He smiled sadly at me and said, "your go."


    I think he deserves it, Kitten.


    Spice?


    Spice.


    I skipped over to Domnu, blue sweatpants fluttering, positively reveling in the support of my bright red sports bra. "You remember your lines?"


    She turned and blinked at me. She looked weirdly hot in green chased loose black pants and a neon green halter top. I sorta regretted deciding against the wig. "Assist me?"


    I nodded. "Sure thing, Mother."


    She shuddered as I... didn''t puppet her exactly. I just nudged her into action. She leapt toward Johnson, arms akimbo, doing a little hip thrust. "Yo, I''ll tell you want I want, what I really really want."


    She hopped back, and Saffron hopped up beside her. Gotta say, many neurons got activated seeing her with red hair and sparkly shiny bouncy blouse. "So tell me what you want, what you really really want!"


    Johnson''s eyes damn near fell out of his sockets, just as entranced by Domnu bouncing around as I was by Saffron as they repeated their lines, then Domnu spouted some absolute random bullshit straight out of All Your Base. Honestly, I might have missed my line if I hadn''t had that fuckin Apollonian Music Sense smacking me in the ass to get me to jump forward my own self. "If you want her future, forget her past.".


    Menace danced in front of me wearing pigtails and a simple sparkly white sleeveless dress. "If you wan ma Gammama, beddah make id fath."


    Domnu danced forward again, "now don''t go wastin'', my precious Time."


    Saffron slid between them, "get your act together you could be just fine."


    Goddamn she was fine enough for me right the way she was. Of course, Saffron sliding between the two had blocked Johnson''s line of sight on Domnu just long enough that his eyes shot open when she slid her hands along the sides of his face and sang her next line at damn near kissing range. "I''ll tell you what I want what I really really want."


    Shortly after that we all slid into a box formation around Menace as we sang the chorus. Sigyn hadn''t had any individual lines, so from her position in the rear she worked that magnificent ass, putting some hip action that I swear would put Loki in the hospital. Broken pelvis, shattered spine, heart failure, any and all at once.


    After the chorus I jumped up in front of him again. "What you think about that? Now you know how she feels."


    Menace skipped across between us. "Thay you like Gammamama, if you fo weal."


    Domnu didn''t even need me to prompt her. "I won''t be hasty, I will let you try."


    Saffron danced up doing the classic tongue stuck out, pulling down one eyelid look. "If you annoy her then you''re gonna die."


    During the next chorus I got to jump around doing acrobatic shit, then Saffron slid up behind me and rubbed up against me. I kinda lost track of everybody else''s dance routines at that. We kept going on and dancing. The next thing I really noticed was when we all chorused, "slam your body down and wind it all around," because holy fuck did Sigyn ever. In a little black dress not unlike the Sith version of Menace''s sparkly white dress, she dropped from standing to damn near bouncing her ass off the stage, then back upright.


    Gneeeaaahhh...


    I know, right?


    How are you verbal, Kitten?


    Self Control, Goof.


    She did that like every time that line came up until the last one, where Domnu just gyrated down and back up. I think Johnson may have died at that point. Poor bastard. Dehydration, as she induced way too much thirst.


    We all danced backward, leaving Domnu standing between us and him at the midpoint of the stage. She looked down on him and, without me prompting, raised one eyebrow, then with an absolutely brain static inducing burr in her voice drawled out, "your turn."


    The man stood like someone had attached a crane to the back of his neck, shoving his piano thing away as he did. He reached behind himself to his backup band, snapped his fingers three times in rapid succession, and caught the guitar-ish thing they threw at him without even looking.


    Then he totally cheated, and I couldn''t even get mad. He pointed at Menace. She perked up at the attention, and he started nodding and snapping until she got the point and started shaking her tambourine, dancing in circles around her Grandmama. The moment her tambourine started shaking, he started plucking deep bass notes from his guitar. Somehow, maybe Apollo, maybe misspent youth, I recognized the song and popped Domnu back into her Mimic-leather boots, skirt, and halter combo. I might have also filled out her Mom Shape a little tiny bit more with, y''know, Sigyn-hair shaped bone straight hair. Sort of. Only long enough to reach the tops of her boots in back. Anybody complaining about the slightly tentacley nature of it can blow me.


    You''re gonna let him do that?


    Shit, Kitten. Let''s show these militaristic fucks a better way, maybe slip a little more Mortal into Mother Domnu while we''re at it. Back his ass up. I piped the tune into her head.


    She hopped straight back to the drum set. More than a little if that codpiece isn''t bragging.


    I think he has to tuck.


    Holy shit, really?


    Yep. I think it''s bigger than you are.


    Her laughter in my head drowned out her drumming, but fuck it. I grabbed my guitar and backed him up. Marie and Sigyn both played go go dancer in the background. Sigyn looked hella hot like that, but Marie topped the charts with Essence of What The Fuck Lady Boner as she somehow managed to mine lustful Nightmare Fuel from her current address in the middle of the Uncanny Valley.


    Right about then Johnson cleared his throat, started singing, and I think the man might have been audible in the King''s box without the amplification. I lost myself in his song, just reveling in the man''s absolute balls to the wall, no holds barred, fuck the contest, fuck the world, ''I''m going for this harder than the Imperator''s Attack Dog at the Battle of the Walls'' unleashed auditory assault.


    I said a one, two, three take my hand and come with me


    Because you look so fine that I really wanna make you mine


    I said you look so fine that I really wanna make you mine


    Oh, four, five, six c''mon and get your kicks


    Now you don''t need that money when you look like that, do ya honey?


    Big black boots


    Long black hair


    She''s so sweet


    With her dead black stare


    Well I could see


    You home with me


    But you were with another band, yeah


    I know we ain''t got, much to say


    Before I let you get away, yeah


    I said, "Are you gonna be my world?"


    It''s one, two, three take my hand and come with me


    Because you look so fine that I really wanna make you mine


    I say you look so fine that I really wanna make you mine


    Oh, four, five, six c''mon and get your kicks


    Now you don''t need that money with a face like that, do ya?


    Big black boots


    Long black hair


    She''s so sweet


    With her get back stare


    Well I could see


    You home with me


    But you were with another band, yeah


    I know we ain''t got, much to say


    Before I let you get away, yeah


    I said, "Are you gonna be my world?"


    Oh yeah


    Oh yeah


    C''mon


    I could see


    You home with me


    But you were with another man, yeah


    I know we, ain''t got much to say


    Before I let you get away, yeah


    Uh, be my world, be my world


    Are you gonna be my girl?


    I could tell he''d slipped on that last word, but I''m not sure anybody noticed, because everybody on stage, everybody in the audience even, froze when Domnu took one long step toward him. "Yeah?"


    Still amplified, he called out, "Jarl Diaz!"


    "What you need, Johnson?"


    In a voice that said ''fuck off Gregor, this is my Jarldom, and I do what I like'', he shouted out, "you are my Seneschal. Should I not return, you are my Heir. Care for my people as you would your own, please."


    "You got it. Good luck, my man!"


    I''m not sure if he had any reply to that, because Domnu reached one hand down, one midnight black index finger sliding under his chin and lifting, closing his mouth as she rose. Clearly telling gravity to fuck off and bother somebody else for a while, she rose into the air, lifting Johnson by nothing but one fingertip under his chin. The man''s obviously inherent sense of the absolutely most dramatic thing to do must have taken over, because he tilted his head back until that one near vertical point of contact shouldn''t have been enough to wobble his second chin, let alone lift him, but he threw his arms back in a pose of absolute ecstatic joy. I think he may have been weeping. Hard to tell with the rain still coming down. That rain really ought to have caused some fingertip to chin slippage as well, but apparently Domnu had decided that each and every Law of Physics could fuck directly off if it didn''t want to be her bitch tonight.


    Because at some point, maybe while the thunderstorm rolled in, maybe after, maybe just now when Domnu decided ''Night time now'', it got cloudy sky night time dark.


    "Looks like Night has fallen." Saffron said quietly as she put her arms around my waist from behind.


    "Nah. She''s obviously on the rise. Moving to a higher plane of understanding, even."


    "Not what I meant..." I''m not sure what she was gonna say, because I spun around and kissed her. The crowd, which had been watching breathlessly, lost their goddamned minds cheering. I wondered why until a certain God of Mischief fed me a view from the crowd. They were high enough that it was hard to tell, and clearly accelerating, but Domnu might have lifted him just a touch higher. Face to face, even. They certainly looked a lot closer than they had been on the ground. Might have totally been a trick of perspective.


    Okay, and I know this is just a little skeevy, because it sure as shit skeeved me a little, but she still had her ''in case of Apocalyptic behavior, core and puppet'' tentacles in place, but it was not a trick of perspective. How things like lips seemed to match size-wise without either of them changing sizes was sure as shit some kind of trick Domnu played on perspective, but that''s a different matter.


    It didn''t skeeve me enough to stop kissing Saffron, but I think it would take a lot more than mild skeeving to do that. Fuck, I''m not sure anything in the ''eww'' range could do that, it would pretty much take imminent physical danger to her or another loved one. Maybe even imminent physical danger to me if whatever the fuck it was would interrupt the kiss anyhow.


    Then Sigyn stepped up and, scanning the sky, where no trace remained of rain, stars, or ascending power couple, said, "night has come."


    You ever have a moment when you''re in such perfect synch with your partner that it just vibrates through your bones that they''re the one? Saffron and I had one of those just then when we simultaneously broke lip lock, leaned back just far enough to speak, and sing-song chorused, "not yet!"

 Day Three Hundred And Seven

    Dear Diary,


    For the life of me, I cannot understand exactly how some people can continue to be so goddamned stupid.


    Seriously, I get that the world holds a plethora of ways to become ignorant, stupid, or just plain dumb. Looking in the dearth of mirrors in the here and now I can count flavors of neurospicy that encourage or even instigate lack of forethought, trauma that makes introspection and planning painful, and odd privilege that encourages lack of self-education. Not that I fell prey to the last one, although my self-education usually wound up being on entirely impractical topics instead of shit that would keep me safe or make me a living or some shit like that. At the same time, I think I still had half a dozen girl on girl on girl positions I''d seen videos of that the three of us hadn''t tried yet, and we hadn''t ever really explored the nigh infinite possibilities of one or more of us being guys for an evening.


    Then there are folks like Larry, who grew up in an environment where on top of abuse and ostracization for something as utterly out of his control as being short, he was also trained to look on women, Bag, non-Dan, and pretty much anybody ''non-Lancaster'' as somehow less human than him. Lachlan missed the ostracization for being short, and I''m pretty sure he never quite realized how much his own dad looked down on him for being such an utter himbo, but even that sweet dumb bastard wound up firmly believing that anybody whose name didn''t end in Lancaster was just... less.


    Hell, the Lancasters are generally admired in Phileo society, and apparently the Gods hate Phileo because we''re the progressive, egalitarian ones. Makes me completely understanding how somebody with an apparently functioning brain like Swanson could accept serial rape, murder, and slavery as normal acceptable part of civilized behavior. Makes somebody like Johnson, who apparently has ten times as many Thralls as anybody else because Thralls who are treated like actual people work harder, are happier, and make way more fat happy Thrall babies, show up as that much more extraordinary just for, y''know, treating people like people.


    But that''s all about someone winds up with their head firmly planted up their ass from circumstances outside their control. What gets to me are the guys and gals who are sitting there, not understanding that the world need not smell and taste of rectum interior, who hear someone say ''your head is up your ass'' and don''t seem to get that pulling it out might be better. Like, I can''t help but think, ''do you like the fuckin'' taste, or something? Your partner likes non-vaginal so much you decided to put some oral in their anal? Seriously, what the living fuck, people?


    Then there are the ones who go beyond mystifying me and outright piss me off. The ones where you grab them by the back of the neck, forcibly rectify their cranial rectal inversion, make them look at the spectrum beyond pink and brown, let them smell the flowers and taste non secondhand foodstuffs, play them some music and whisper ASMR shit in their ears, and fuck, give them a hand job while staring deep in their eyes just to forge a human connection with someone for the very first time. Who then, for some reason I cannot goddamned fathom, bend over backward to shove their head back up their asses in an even more uncomfortable fashion than I found them in.


    Seriously. What the ever loving fuck, people? Even Larry, when forced out of his anal hermit crabdom, eventually managed to pry Bonnie away from lip lock long enough to say, ''wait, if my skull isn''t spreading my lower intestine, I get to keep her?'' before her mouth snapped back to his like one of those fancy rare earth magnets, then weld his own ass cheeks together just to prevent falling back into his old habits. Okay, we all know he didn''t actually do that, because Bonnie fondling his prostate is obviously the only way the all time micro-penis champion got her pregnant, but still, her wrist deep super action grip means she can grab him by the hair and yank him out if he slips back into bad habits. Which knowing that pair will probably wind up with her double pregnant or some shit.


    Yeah, I give him shit, but he and Bonnie deserve all the happy they can afford, and I say that knowing Lancaster''s bank account and pretty Bonnie Obol''s ability to pinch a penny. Shit, Larry''s practically the poster child now for cranial rectal inversion being the ugly pupal form of rich, deadly butterflies or some shit.


    As I lay there on the stage, enjoying how the misting rain practically steamed off of me, only to fall back again moments later, trying to ignore how much my emergency tentacles could detect of too much Johnson fitting into too little Domnu, I heard the crowd grumbling. I pushed myself up on one elbow to watch as the crowd parted to let not just Gregor, but a small army of Warriors, Thralls, and Lizard Bois, who were apparently Trolls, move down the Green toward me.


    Saffron, who''d collapsed to the ground not unlike I had, but rolled over to be almost in touching distance of me, moaned out, "Tabitha? Goof?"


    "Yeah, Kitten?" I flopped my head over to look at her. She had the too tight to get on without Loki insta-costume bullshittery jeans and I could see the texture of her nipples etched into her white tank top of our Thunderstruck set from stretching and soaking too much. "Damn. You like that outfit?"


    She smiled. Slowly, like exhaustion had too much a grip on her to allow her to do it fast. "I liked the way you looked at it."


    "Can you see my face right now?"


    Her head twitched, but didn''t turn. "No? What are you wearing?"


    "Still got my Sporty Spice shit on. Loving the sports bra. We gotta get you one of these." I sat there just watching how her heaving lungs made things jiggle entrancingly. "Uh, did you want something?"


    She snorted. "Oh. Yeah. If I manage to flop myself on top of you and think really, really worshipful thoughts at your nether regions, can you handle your end of handling my end enough to knock me unconscious?"


    "Damn, Kitten. All this rain and you''re still a fuckin'' thirst elemental? Impressive."


    She sort of wormed her way about an inch closer to me, panting as she said, "you. Rain. Bouncy. So... fuckin... hot..."


    "Y''know, there''s a whole crowd watching us still."


    "Fuck ''em."


    I laughed, then choked on rain. "Holy shit, Kitten. All of them?"


    She snorted out rainwater her own self. "Yeah. Sure. Why not. That much Just Happening will surely destroy my mind, probably my brain along with it, but what an epitaph for school children to read three thousand years from now. ''Imperator Aetos Diaz was brain-fucked by her dog in front of a stadium of screaming slaves''."


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    "Are... are you sure you''re okay, Kitten? Are you fuckin'' high or some shit?"


    She giggled. "Oh, definitely."


    "On what? Can I have some?"


    "Horny. Sure." She couldn''t really do anything but twitch, but, y''know, duBois training, big natural knockers, wet white tee shirt. Jiggle physics activated all the goddamned neurons. Then she stopped, groaning, as apparently her shoulder muscles told her to stop that shit. My own abs did sort of the same thing to me.


    "Ma an Mama siwwy."


    Saffron paused mid-groan to snort out, "damn. There go my plans for world domination."


    "Uh?" Yeah, scintillating conversationalist when exhausted, I am not. My eyes slid closed, and I enjoyed the feel of the rain misting on them.


    "You''re my world, beloved Goof."


    "Aw... wait."


    Right about then Gregor made his unwanted presence known. "Pitiful Philean sluts." I flopped my head back over to look toward him, letting one eye slip open just enough to see his troops deploying to either side of him, including a quad of Trolls bracketing him on the diagonals. "How can you expect to face my Champions in battle when simple frolicking lays you low?"


    I slow blinked with my one open eye, then, leaning into the stage amplification Spell, said, "look, Greg. Do you mind if I call you Greg? It sounds so much less disrespectful than shitdick, and I''m trying really hard to be diplomatic right now. I''mma call you Greg. Anyway, Greg, I''m Seneschal hereabouts, and as such I''mma say if you wanna stay in the longhouse, go ahead. I''ll stay right here on the stage until you''ve figured out who gets their ass kicked first. You''ve got eight chances left to convince yourself to do the smart thing and surrender, and I am absolutely tired and horny enough to say that you''ve got until nightfall at the end of Saturday to send me your first victim. Champion. Jarl. Chew toy. Yeah, chew toy." A thought burst into my brain like a firework. "OH, SHIT! My Jotnar femur! It''s getting rained on!"


    "Enough of this." He waved a hand in the general direction of the stage. "Take her. Take the one next to her. The menial and the child are yours."


    That flipped a number of switches Greg would regret switching. The stage rumbled with a subsonic growl that set off a few bowel movements and opened a few Troll cloacas. "STOP." Everyone froze; not really important, I''d been talking to Marie. "Murder Mittens? Keep Isnomi off them, I don''t know where they''ve been." Her growl changed pitch, sounded almost like humorous acknowledgement somehow.


    Menace, of course, just whined, "mama!" from about eight feet in the air over by where Marie''s growls came from.


    I rolled over on my side, facing away from Saffron and toward shitdick and his ancillary dipshits. "Kitten?"


    "Yes, Beloved?"


    "Put away the Glowing Midnight, because hot though it is, I really was in the mood for denim and see through titty shirt. Also, I can''t believe I''m saying this out loud in public, but do what you do better than anybody else I''ve ever met." She giggled, fabric rustled, then squished, and a wave of pure, unfettered Worship hit me from behind. Focused on my ass of all things, but fuck it, got the job done, and cooled my temper quite a bit while she was at it. "Okay, shitdick, amending our deal. If you send something other than a single combatant at me, that burns one of your tries, and after I neutralize the fuck out of all and sundry you send, I''m gonna kill you in the most painful and embarrassing way I can think of before you get another go."


    Shitdick sneered. "Empty threats. Take them."


    His men moved. Not, like, advancing yet. Well, okay, the sixteen trolls along the wings stepped forward immediately, and the four around him moved into guarding positions. The three dozen Thralls were a step behind them, probably because they were obeying the old conscripted soldier adage of ''never go first''. The dozen Warrior types all pulled weapons, rolled their shoulders, growled, hunched over, did whatever they needed to do to activate self-buffing Skills. Or just look intimidating. Something like that.


    I didn''t really have the time or energy to fuck around.


    I mean, with Saffron literaly pumping Worship into my ass, I had plenty of energy, but no way was I wasting all of it on shitdick and his shitdickery. Especially when I suddenly got a much fuzzier flavor of Worship joining in.


    It definitely stretched some of the old Co-Location muscles in painful ways, but I popped up a me in midair behind each Troll, crouched behind each Warrior, and an itty bitty me next to each Thrall.


    Mana Blades flashed. I disarmed the Trolls. Literally. Each Warrior got holes through both kneecaps, left kidney, right lung, and a taint punch to underscore my point. Some of those got a little sloppy, but a fist aimed at the solar plexus through the taint did not exactly command less attention when it hit the testicles instead. The Thralls were just following orders, so they lost pinkie toes. Left ones, because Tabitha''s Horny Brain demanded satiation. Fuck me if you don''t like it. No, literally, Saffron and I are super tired, and you can only watch a dude work his hips like Johnson for so long without getting urges. Also, skeevy or not, I wasn''t about to remove the emergency coring tentacles from Domnu any time soon, but she and he had apparently found an appropriately secluded spot. Distracturgification.


    I pushed myself to my feet as, slashing once at shitdick as they did so, each of my Co-Located duplicates collapsed into me. Sixty four Mana Blades taking one swipe each over less than a second left him without functional limbs, kidneys, or lungs. Four of me held him upright from behind and dragged him over to dangle in front of me where I stood on the edge of the stage. "I''mma ''splain something, shitdick." I tried to figure out Domnu pulled her trick for a moment, then shrugged and Mana Bladed his front half from the waist down off. I looked down, pouting as his half-testicles remained obstinately un-dangly. I reached down and flicked one with a fingernail, which broke it free. It snapped off instead of dangling, and wheezy shrieks filled the nearby air.


    I looked him back in the eyes, reached down, grabbed, and yanked his bits off. "I do not," I declared over his continued whiny wheezing. Some of his intestines fell out when I yanked, forcing me to skip back. I shoved whatever had come off in my hands into his whiny bitch mouth, holding it closed and massaging his throat like a recalcitrant cat with a pill. "Ever make."


    He swallowed, and I clutched his neck, pulled my fist back, and rammed it through the back of his skull. "Ramp it up a bit, sweeties?" I watched as the conspicuously Priest-free crowd paid way too much attention to the corpse in my hand to pay attention to the hotties literally worshipping my ass from behind. I leaned over, activated Revive, and when shitdick dangled whimpering from my arm, finished up with, "empty threats."


    I held him up and scanned the crowd. All of them stared, wide eyed, breath held. "If you do anything to anybody in any of my Jarldoms, including Johnson''s, or to anybody else I care about, I will take the time to get creative with torturing your ass to death in public next time. You have seven tries left. You have until end of day Sunday to send your next contestant for ''King Shitdick is wrong''."


    Message delivered, I tossed him upward, grabbed him by the ankle, stepped to his throne room, and dropped him headfirst onto his throne.


    I flopped back to the stage, flipping myself around to look at adoring Saffron and Marie, vaguely upset when despite my reorientation, Worship kept flowing in through my rock hard glutes instead of, y''know, my front bits. Leaning on the stage amplification, I announced, "okay, everybody. While Jarl''s on vacay with his new Mistress, I''m supposed to take care of y''all. Since King Gregor might do dumb shit again, I''m gonna ask y''all to keep the Green clear, and would sorta like it if you''d stay out of the stands after Anundr''s sloppy bullshit. If you''re visiting, you''re free to stay in the longhouse or wherever there''s a roof that won''t put a local out in the weather, but you might want to head home. It''s safer. Otherwise... uh... just do whatever you''d do if Johnson were around. If you need me, I''ll be right here canoodling with my wife."


    No fuckin'' clue why those lunatics took so long to stop cheering.

 Day Three Hundred And Eight

    Dear Diary,


    So yeah, the dumb is strong with some people, to levels that make me feel almost like I''m not the world''s biggest dumbass.


    Seriously, I''m not subtle about things, and I think Saturday Night''s demonstration of exactly how little I wanted this to turn into some kind of actual war is one of the least subtle things I''ve done since I got here. I''m including killing tens of thousands of people at the Battle of the Walls in that as well. Which, for anyone paying attention to things I did right out in the fuckin'' open, should really clearly spell out, ''don''t hurt my fuckin'' wife, you rat bastards''. In, y''know, flaming letters of blood the height of Newark''s walls. Hell, I''d get it if the folks of the here and now, who for completely horrible yet valid reasons don''t invest in kids until they''re not really kids any more, missed out on the ''look at Artemis'' nose'' memo about hurting my kid. I''ll still leave them wondering why they''ve been Revived with somebody else''s cock mineral bonded to their uvula, but I''d get it.


    Maybe I need to make that message a little more obvious the next time it comes into play? Like, if somebody threatens my kid, and I mean actually threatens, not says or intends to do nasty things, I should gather up a few hundred thousand people in the temple district and explain why I''m putting somebody on a sieve stuck in the sky until their own body weight makes them leak through it over the course of a few weeks. Never thought my biggest ''I miss television'' moment would be when I regretted not having a way to telecast bloody torturous murder as a position statement.


    So after a while, after I''d absorbed enough oomph to crawl over to neck with Saffron on stage, I realized that the cheering was kinda sorta swelling and subsiding in time with our Canoodling activity. What with me being in full on lazy bitch mode, and Saffron being too exhausted for anything but micro-movements, the whole event really kinda cycled through flop into new position, tiny little movements, flop again, more tiny movements. Which meant we got cheers with each new flop. Flopping her face onto mine? Big cheer, which quieted to general merriment while she took a long time teasing my lips with hers. Flopping an arm onto my front? Another round of cheers, this one sounding a little odd, but dying down again as she tinkered with making me convulse with tiny twitches of her hand. Not like, full body convulsions most of the time either, just little shudders.


    That went on for a while until I heard Menace snicker. I got an arm under Saffron and rolled her over until the back of her head lay against my stomach, her pony tail dangling past me and streaming out in the rivulets of rainwater washing over us. Gave me one hell of a view, what with her still having that white tank top on. I rolled my head over to look at the crowd, realizing super quick that the entire Green had turned into something not entirely unlike one of D''s Revels. Maybe a little less alcohol, maybe a little more fornication, although less ''orgy'' and more ''hundreds of couples failing to give any fucks other than the ones they were exchanging''.


    "Okay, okay, okay. I get it, you''re all super jazzed by Big J winning his lady love, but if you''ll excuse us, I''m really not in the mood to do live action porn theater." Somehow these crazy Norse fuckers managed to boo that. Okay, not so much a ''boo'' as a sort of thousands strong, ''aww...'' I can''t help it, I''m a sucker for puppy dog eyes. "Tonight." Tentative cheers, which just had me confused until I flopped back to look at Saffron, who''d rooched herself over me until her head flopped down to let her look at the crowd. Which basically meant she''d used my belly as back support for one hell of a distracting arch. Then the worst part of my brain took over with the best possible line as I stared at exhausted, limp, arched, sweaty, soaked Saffron. "G''night everybody!"


    I shaped a Filtration Ward set to keep light out and dropped it over our half of the stage. "Hey Marie?"


    "Yes?"


    "It''s well after dark, and it looks like Grandmama has fucked off on her honeymoon or some shit, so that little Menace in your arms needs to get to bed."


    "Mama! No! I sday! I hep!"


    I rolled my head back and forth. "No, Menace. Remember what I said about helping and you being bigger?"


    "Na!"


    I chuckled. "Really?"


    She pouted so hard it showed up in wireframe. "Yeth."


    "So you do remember it?"


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    She threw her head back, letting her arms and legs flop loose. "Yeth... waid! Waid! Na!"


    I chuckled at that. "Seriously, Menace. when you''re ready? I can''t think of a sidekick I''d rather have. But bringing you along too early could hurt you in ways I don''t think you understand, let alone are ready for yet. So for now? You go back home."


    "Wanna! Hep!"


    "Menace..." I''d let a little impatient threat leak into my voice. I took a deep breath and started over. "Isnomi Aetos-Diaz, did I or did I not include you in our singing and dancing from the very beginning."


    "Yeth?"


    I nodded, "why do you think I did that?"


    I let her stew a little, because I really wanted her to figure this one out. Eventually Marie nudged her from behind with her nose, and Menace said, "I weddy?"


    "So smart, my girl," Saffron cut in. "I didn''t think you were ready, but Mama said you were, and she was right. You sang and danced beautifully. You helped Mama and Grandmama and Grandmama''s new friend. But..."


    "Budd?"


    I realized that Saffron was still kinda wheezing to recover, so I took her handoff. "But I say you''re not ready to help with this. Yet."


    "Yed?"


    "Yet. When you are? I''ll let you. Just like I did today. But for now, what do you say?"


    She slumped, then wiggled a little until Marie set her down. She shuffled over to us, already apparently working the first edges of her angsty phase before leaning over and kissing us each on the forehead. "Gnide, Ma. Gnide, Mama."


    We both smiled up at her. "Good Night, Menace. We love you, and we''ll be home when we''re recovered and I''m done dealing with King Gregor''s pissy fit."


    "Ah tay." She turned to Marie and held up her hands. "Ub! Ub!" Marie looked down at her, one eyebrow arched, until our little one said, "ub, peez."


    Marie scooped her up at that point, saying, "Scamp." then disappearing.


    Moving slowly and gently, I lay my hands down my front; one just above the collar of Saffron''s shirt, the other about three inches below that. "You realize, dear Goof, that some in that audience can in fact see the same way Marie can?"


    I chuckled, surprising myself at exactly how intent-filled it came out. "Yeah, well. Privacy curtain drawn. If somebody''s gonna peeping Tom us through that, it''s on them."


    She laughed, which did amazing things to the terrain under each of my hands. "You are so Goof. So inconsistent. No coherence whatsoever."


    "Is... is that an actual complaint?"


    She wriggled the tiniest bit. "Did I tell you to stop?"


    "No?"


    "Then don''t."


    So I didn''t. Marie showed up a few minutes later, looking not much less tired than us. After confirming that Marie was, in fact, curled up entirely around our sleeping Menace on her floor bed, she joined us in seeing exactly how many shenanigans could be had without moving more than an eighth of an inch. Turns out it''s way more than you''d expect.


    Also turns out that all those ASMR videos where they play water sounds to help you sleep? You know, the shit like ''soft rainfall'', ''flowing river'', ''rain into puddles'' or ''water against the hull of a boat''? I have no idea how effective those were back at Eastside, but the actual sounds in the here and now? Relaxing as fuck. Possibly more relaxing than fuck. Certainly made no less relaxing by having tiny fuck sprinkles scattered across them. Saffron seemed to think so, anyhow, because I sure as shit applied some fuck titty sprinkles until she started snoring.


    Heh. Titty sprinkles. I wonder if here and now has a Morgan Freeman?


    With the first snore, I went still. Her eyes did slipped open the tiniest crack immediately and she muttered, "don stahp".


    "Really, Kitten? You''re falling asleep."


    After the world''s tiniest snort of derision, she said, "know. don stap." Fuck it, I am an obedient, attentive, and dedicated spouse, fuck you if you think otherwise. I would say I kept that shit up all night or something but the fact is that I fell asleep at some point not long after that.


    Chibi Hibachi Chef Saffron had apparently decided today wasn''t about ranged combat, and instead crammed kaiju shrimp into my pie hole by jumping up and down on them. There may have been multiple instances of her following the shrimp down. I have no fuckin'' clue how that worked, and it would have been more disturbing had I not been so fuckin'' exhausted and it being so goddamned soothing every time she did it. Not even going to talk about how somehow the background feed of the world, like the entire goddamned sky and anything that reflected it, was shit you''d have to go on premium for-pay sites to see. Apparently Vulcan comes by that shit honestly.


    Woke up to a mostly empty Green, with the bleachers under deconstruction. Three Trolls, I think the ones I''d brought from Karlson''s place, stood spread across the approach to the stage. Marie and Saffron still lay where they''d been, although Saffron''s exhausted upside down resting bitch face had been replaced by a serene smile of rapturous joy. Still upside down, but that didn''t detract in the slightest. "You awake?"


    "Yes, love."


    "Yes."


    I looked at the sky through our Filtration Ward, gently rocking my head until I caught sight of the sun. "Damn. Did I sleep the whole fuckin'' day away?"


    Marie purred a little harder. "Twice."


    "Oh, fuck. Kitten? Do you need to get to work?"


    Her serene smile didn''t slip in the slightest. "I''m on a religious retreat. Any complaints about the location, duration, or activities of my retreat may be directed directly up the southbound end of a northbound Kraken."


    I wondered whether Greg intended to pass up one of his tries at me, right up until the moment some dude crawled noiselessly over the edge of the floating stage. Inching along, low to the ground, he circled around until we lay between him and my Lizard Bois, then crept toward us, crossing the line into our little bubble of night just as the sun set.


    Fuck it, time to get back to work.

 Day Three Hundred And Nine

    Dear Diary,


    I''m getting a little worried about exactly how much I''m enjoying my solution to the Norfolk problem.


    Don''t get me wrong, I got here honestly and with the best of intentions. The people of Calverton deserve to recover whatever they can of their City. That means we need to clear the Undead out. Since I''m really more of a weapon of ass destruction than a proper infantry unit, that means we need troops there. The troops there need food; if we send that food overland most of it will wind up rotting, which seems like a bad fuckin'' plan when we''re edging a Famine right now anyhow.


    Which makes me think I need to talk with Dommy Mommy and have a chat with Sengann''s brother. Which reminds me, I don''t think Sengann was her kid, I think he was her grandkid, which might explain some of the really over the top anger. But that makes me really uncopacetic with how she calmed down when I introduced her to Isnomi, because it means she looks on grandkids as fungible assets. Which makes me real glad I''ve left the Emergency Coring Tentacles up her ass, even if that leaves me unpleasantly aware of other goings on in the same location.


    Shit. My mental dominoes kinda went off track there. Oops.


    Where was I? Right. Transporting food so it doesn''t rot, because Famine. That means coming in by the naval route, which Norfolk decided to be a dick about. From what I''ve learned here, it wasn''t some big ambiguous faceless ''Norfolk Government'' or Council or some shit who decided to work on their Shitdickery Skill, it was King Gregor. Who I''m beginning to actually worry about fighting, because if he became King as this much of an asshole with as few brains as I''ve seen him use, he must be fuckin'' hell on wheels on the battlefield. Or maybe daddy bought it all for him? No, there''s some kind of ''you must be this big of a bastard to ride this ride'' in Norfolk, I just can''t remember what it is at the moment. Speaking of ''you must be this big to ride this ride'', that''s yet another tidbit of unwanted knowledge I''m enduring so our adorable scamp gets another Grandmother instead of a sock puppet. Not upset, just reminding myself, because I suspect that if I were indeed sock puppeting her, I''d get some of those good good brain chemicals rather than just an ookey sense of ''this is not the porn I wanted to fap to''.


    Right. Going back to where I''d intended to go... wait, is this how adults do? Like actually go back to a line of thought rather than abandoning it like yet another unfinished project in yet another in a long line of discarded hobbies? Gotta be more to it than that. How do neurotypical people do this shit?


    Anyway, King Shitdick decided to sic his Jarls on us, and threatened to declare war on us if one of our ships hurt a Norfolk ship. That meant we needed to steal Norfolk ships without making them not-Norfolk ships. When I volunteered to be voluntold by my adorable Imperator to steal those ships legally, I realized that straight up Stealing Norfolk Legally was on the table. Or, y''know, that I could put it on the table, so I did. King Shitdick, first of his name, after being told I chose this method to reduce casualties on both sides, decided to flip the script and declare war on me, personally. I think. He might be just attacking me first or some shit. At any rate, I''ve been publicly executing him as punishment every time he does that, then Reviving him, because Loki told me that if I just, y''know, kill the fuck out of everything the locals won''t buy into it the way they seem to have when I kick the living shit out of their Champions and Jarls. Or kill the living shit out of them. Either of those seems to work.


    So here we are at the end of the domino chain that starts with ''trying to get Calverton''s people the shit that Apollo wrecked because his sister got pissy and killed my godchild and reaped the whirlwind back'' and ends with ''serially torturing one dumb bastard to death in increasingly public venues''. I could almost, and I''m being serious here, at least I think I am, almost get behind the whole ''this is the best possible solution in a fucked up world'' when I remind myself how I got here. Almost.


    Seriously, I''m torturing him to death as a consequence for breaking our deal, like I spelled out as part of said deal. I''m not really trying to convince him to do or be better; I don''t even know if torture will do that, but even if it wouldn''t, you''d think anyone with a functioning ability to detect cause and effect would catch on and stop. I''m definitely not doing something so mouth breather stupid as torturing him for information. Finally, despite all evidence to the contrary, I''m not torturing him to death because it gets me all hot and bothered and I''m hoping if I can do it just right I''ll have to give Saffron the live feed for an entirely new kind of Just Happening.


    If I hadn''t been working on myself, trying to be better, I might even be able to convince myself how deeply in denial I might be over that last bit.


    So right as the sun set, some dude with unpleasantly high stealth skills snuck onto our floating stage, sliding a long knife out of his belt as he crept towards us. I felt kinda bad about the fact that despite how he moved so slowly and carefully, choosing his approach to be downwind of us to avoid Marie smelling him, wore some oddly cut clothing that probably broke up his outline, including dangling bits of cloth that reminded me of a ghillie suit, and had prepped enough to be able to focus on us here in a dome of complete blackness, he stood out in my wireframe vision like a hemorrhoid enhanced diarrhea splat on a pristine white kitchen tile floor.


    Maybe that''s what prompted me to call out, with auditory enhancement to reach the workers on the Green bleachers who''d mostly finished packing their tools in preparation for heading home, "Okay, you made it here before sunset, so we''re gonna call this your Sunday attempt. But just to make it official," I reached down into the part of me that had been entirely unsurprised when the sun juked like an NFL Wide Receiver to catch the Dragon I''d yeeted to it and pulled. That shit hurt something fierce, but a second later the sun kinda hovered just over the horizon. "It''s still Sunday now."


    Creepy McCreeper kept moving toward me, apparently thinking I''d decided to bluff for no good goddamned reason? Maybe he thought I was talking about someone else? I pushed myself to my feet, turned my back on him, and said, "I feel kinda bad for you, so I''ll even let you take the first swing, since you put so much effort into it. Just be sure not to trip over my wife or my concubine, because they''re still all ''eepy and I like them that way."


    I think I might have absorbed some of King Shitdick the First''s arrogance when I killed him or some shit, but fuck it. ''Oh, noes, I might do something dumb!'' Seriously, have you met me? Just another excuse layered on top of trauma and neurodivergence, really. But as I''ve said before, I''m a woman of my word. As I heard him rushing up behind me, because I am dumb of ass, but not mouth breather stupid, I Co-Located myself to hang off the edge of the stage, sculling my legs in the water as I watched the fight.


    Just as I did that he dropped to one knee next to Marie, plunging his long knife into her gut over and over again. "Submit to the King, or your wife is next!" If I weren''t, y''know, incandescent with white hot rage, I might have felt extra bad. This dude had even found a way to ruin his voice just to get that perfect raspy assassin voice.


    However, as noted, white hot incandescent rage. The me standing in front of him didn''t move, because water sports me Translocated behind him and grabbed his wrist. "That is not how Murder Mittens likes her guts rearranged, Shit Stain McSneakydick." I squeezed his wrist as hard as I could, hoping to maybe do some really painful damage to the little bones there. I''d forgotten how many Jarl''s I''d Mimicked Attributes from. I met more resistance than an equivalent shape formed out of cotton candy, but less than play dough. He screamed as Marie rolled over to look up at him, growling. "You need me to fix that, sweetie?"


    "Later." She reached up, flowing to her feet, and once she had a hand around Shit Stain''s neck I let go and Co-Located to Gregor as I collapsed back into myself. I''m still trying really hard to convince myself that ''killing someone by torture'' was something I''d suspected put someone on the list of ''people I could Translocate to'', but mostly at that moment I was definitely too pissed to care.


    He lifted his nose into optimal sneering position and said, "so, have you come..."


    That''s about when I shoved my hand into his throat and lifted him by it. He had some nice neck muscles, and I forced myself to just lift him and squeeze his trachea enough to shut him the fuck up, not actually rip it out. I Translocated us to the sky above the stage, popping up a five pack of Air Shields in Isnomi''s little bouncy box configuration, although I kept the sides hip height so I could still reach King Shitdick the Last. My footing secured, I waited until I''d bounced to the notional ''front'' of the box, holding him as far out as I could, trying to ignore how his carotids and trachea pulsed against my hand until I put up one last horizontal Air Shield right through his fuckin'' neck. By that point two crowds had gathered, one the workers from the Green, the other the folks from the Village who''d come out to see what the fuck was up with the sun coming back up.


    I pointed down to the stage, amplified my voice, and said, "you dumb motherfucker. You piss poor excuse for a shit stain. You ignorant asshole of epic proportions. How fucking dumb are you?"


    I might not have needed to amplify shit with how pissed off I was and how loud I was screaming. He flailed, whether trying to free his neck or hit me didn''t matter, because his foot went through the Air Shield between us and wound up catapulted into my crotch. "MOTHERFUCKER!" Shitdick definitely had some Strength; I wound up bouncing up and out of my box, having to Translocate back in when I missed the landing.


    As I''d tumbled, I''d seen Marie in the process of deconstructing the assassin. "Y''know? I was gonna get creative, but I''mma dedicate this one to all the hardworking maids out there, especially my favorite, Murder Mittens Maenad Marie. Now, I''m sure I explained the rules before, but lemme go over that shit again. You get a limited number of chances to send Champions to kill me. Given how my cooch aches right now, you might even have some that can beat me by, like, punting me out of the ring or some shit. If you''d get your fuckin'' head out of your ass and stop doing this kind of dumb shit. Hell, you had an assassin! A damn good one! Super sneaky, stayed on target, even delivered your dumb shit threat. Totally would have called that a legit attempt, but no, instead of having him try to sneak up and shiv me in my sleep? You fuckin'' had him go after my maid. My concubine. My beloved lover who I love loving, like you thought somehow I wasn''t in any way emotionally bonded to the fucking woman I love fucking so much, You FUCKING..."


    Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.


    At that point he kicked his other leg at me, so I reached down, got a good grip, and ripped his goddamned foot off. Took a bit of work, and I definitely cheated by turning my fingernails into super stubby Mana Blades. Then, as I used longer ones to punch holes in his pelvis and shoulders to stop him flailing around, I said, "I''ll bet you think I''m gonna suffocate you, with that Air Shield pulling all the air out of your lungs. That probably hurts like a bitch, don''t it? GOOD!"


    I lost track of how long I spent, joint by joint, ripping his shit off and tossing it to the ground. I kept having to Stabilize him to keep him conscious, but this bitch wasn''t dying until I was satisfied. Eventually I stood, face flushed, panting just a little, as his head slid down the Air Shield toward me, eyes rolling in their sockets, something like wheezing screams coming out of his mouth as the Air Shield blew air up his windpipe. I grabbed him by the hair, held his head out to drip onto the Air Shields beneath me, splattering bits of whatever dripped out all over me like sauce on the plates at one of those super fancy restaurants, and said, "you have six attempts left, Shitdick." I turned to the sun and said, "you can go now."


    It dove behind the horizon like an osprey that had just seen a particularly tasty fish, and bobbed up over the eastern horizon a moment later.


    I stepped us both to M-Space, spun him around to face away from me, dropped my Blend, which just so happened to leave his oxygen starving brain right smack dab in the middle of my connection to Mimic proper, then pulled Mana from her. I''m not sure if it hurt or not, but his Soul screamed like it did, which made me happy in special big girl ways. Then I Revived him, pushed my Blend back up, and stepped us back to his throne room, where I rammed his naked ass onto one of the pointy bits at the top of his throne.


    Then I stepped back to the cool darkness of the stage and collapsed, shuddering. Saffron scooched over and pulled my head into her lap. "There, there, sweet Goof. Marie is fine. Once she finished with Gregor''s assassin, I Healed her." She paused, a single snorted chuckle interrupting her. "Despite her insistence that she''d be fine with just a little Sparagmos."


    I looked around. I wasn''t crying about Marie, not really, but I kinda wanted her to help Saffron smother me. "Where''d she go?"


    "She stepped back to Phileo to have Conrad repair her outfit. I think she likes having something other than her uniform, even if she''d never admit it."


    "When we get done all this fuckin'' shit? We''re goin'' shopping and buying her an entire goddamned wardrobe of shit. Maybe even one or two things that aren''t too slutty to wear outside the bedroom."


    "Like you''d let that stop you."


    "Well, no, but she''s all elegant and shit, I can''t see her flouncing around in three pieces of electrical tape and a smile." Right about then another sob shuddered its way out of me.


    She stroked my hair and made quiet shushing comfort noises at me. "She''ll be back soon, love. Don''t fret."


    I shook my head. It spoke to the depths of my despair that I barely noticed the squish of her thighs or her still damp denim. "Not that."


    "Then what? He didn''t touch me, and our little Menace remains in Phileo. Flying under Sigyn''s supervision today, I think."


    I opened my mouth, but couldn''t force the words out. Almost sheepishly I let them trickle directly into Saffron''s brain. I fucked up.


    How, love?


    I ran the full record of the last execution back to her. All sensation channels, even what passed for my thoughts, from beginning to ignominious end. I''m sorry.


    Oh. She sat there stroking my hair for a bit. Well. Given your intentions and state of mind, we can clearly mark this as Just Happening. Given how broken up you seem to be about it, I''m of a mind to ignore any other consequences.


    "No," I sobbed, my voice half incomprehensible from snot and hiccoughs. "That''s not... I don''t want... I can''t... I didn''t..." My incoherent sobbing mutters finally brushed away the bullshit covering the core of my shame and brand shiny new self-hate. "I didn''t even fucking ask."


    She blinked down at me, stunned into momentary silence. "You... That is your concern, of all things?" When I nodded, still crying, she said, "you were literally torturing him to death as slowly as you could possibly arrange it, and that is your concern?"


    Barely trusting my voice, I sobbed out, "I... I... I... r..."


    "Stop!" I froze, sobs still shuddering through me. "Tabitha Diaz, you will be silent while I pronounce your consequence for this. Do you understand?" I nodded. "Do you accept my authority to impose consequences upon you?" I nodded again. "Will you accept those consequences without question, without rancor, and without attempting to impose a single additional one of any kind?"


    I sniffled out, "yes?"


    "Excuse me?"


    "Yes." I whispered.


    "Well then. This is your consequence. You will not mention that again, save I mention it first. You will not indulge yourself in that manner again, save you ask for and receive permission first. Should you find yourself falling prey to such impulses again, you will stop, inform me immediately, and if whatever activity you are engaged in must be completed without delay, you will allow me to finish it, save I command you continue. Do you understand?"


    Confusion and consternation warred with guilt and shame. I latched on the least confusing thing. "Permission? Who is going to give me permission?"


    She shrugged. "Some people are stupid. Other people are Marie."


    That''s when I realized Murder Mittens had returned, because when I opened my mouth to argue, she said, "Yes."


    "The fuck, Marie?"


    "Sparagmos."


    My jaw dropped open. "You like that?"


    "Itch."


    More than a bit of hysteria grabbed me as I said, "what kind of a freak am I that I''d get off on doing something like that to someone I love?"


    "Mine."


    Saffron flicked my nose. "As she says, exactly the kind of freak to cater to our Marie''s decidedly exotic tastes. Now, you never answered. Do you understand?"


    I thought about it, then blanched. I whispered, "are you gonna tell me to do that again?"


    "Do you trust me?"


    I buried my face in her lap. Yes.


    "Even with that?"


    I whimpered. Yes.


    "Then trust me when I say; I cannot think of a time I would do so, but I can foresee those who would do harm to those we love, not to mention burn down the world we are trying to build? Somehow finding a way to abuse any limit we set ourselves to do so." Her voice went hard, cold, enough to make Domnu shiver. "I will not give them that opening, no matter how well intentioned doing so might be."


    I sniffled. "Okay," I muttered into the denim of her jeans, now as sopping with tears and snot as it ever had been with rainwater.


    "So, you agree to these consequences?"


    "Yes." I pulled her closer. "Hold me?"


    Both of them collapsed on me, surrounding me with warm, soft acceptance. "Of course, Goof."


    I don''t know if I can forgive myself.


    You''d best try. You are, after all, a woman of your word.


    Fuck.


    Not now, love.


    I rolled my eyes, but snuggled in and let myself drift off as the sun wandered overhead in wireframe. As it approached the Western horizon, a dozen Trolls crawled over the edges of the stage. My three Bois spun at the first sound, their halberds flashing out as they advanced.


    "Wait." My Bois froze. "Can you breathe underwater?" They thumped their halberd butts against the stage floor once. "Okay then."


    I stepped over to grab my swordstaves, Co-Located and used Mana Blades to remove the Trolls'' feet and hands, then dropped the Mana Blades and just lopped the poor scaly bastards'' limbs off and kicked them into the water. I stepped back to Saffron and sighed. "What am I supposed to do now?"


    "You did give your word. So by your agreed upon consequence, it behooves you not to enjoy your next actions."


    I heaved a sigh, dropped my weapons, and huffed out, "Okay."


    I stepped to King Shitdick, grabbed him by the ear, stepped both of us back to the stage, leaving his clothes behind, then Mana Bladed his cock off. I shoved him face first into the water, Co-Located enough of me to neutralize the shit out of his elbows and knees, then pulled him back out when his flailing got a little weak. He gasped for air, and I rammed his cock home, Mineral Bonding the base to his lips, then squeezing his nostrils shut and Mineral Bonding them that way. I dropped him face first back in the water, grabbed him by the ankle, and stepped us both up into the spot I''d performed aerial Sparagmos the day before. Locking his feet in place with an Air Shield so he dangled upside down choking to death, I stepped up to balance atop the soles of his feet and I amplified my voice. "You dumb mother fucker. At what point are you going to realize that all you''re doing sending more troops at me is proving exactly how fucking dumb you are? Okay, that''s not true, you''re also proving exactly how little you care about your people, since they''re suffering right along with you." I stood there for a second, doing my best to remain utterly unmoved by Shitdick''s suffering. "Okay, you''re gonna hang there until I''m sure you''re dead, but I can''t be arsed to stay here watching your pitiful ass bleed in your own face. Five attempts left, Shitdick."


    I stepped down to Saffron and Marie and buried myself in them again. "Oh, shit."


    "What is it now, Goof?"


    "How am I properly gonna kill the fuck out of any Champions or Jarls he sends?"


    She gently stroked my hair while Marie chuckled and purred. "Is it really that hard?"


    Hysteria teased the words, "that''s what she said," out of my mouth before I shook my head and said, "yeah? Kinda? Sometimes?"


    "So when you''re asking them if they surrender, explicitly tell them."


    I rooched around to look up at her where she smiled down at me. "Really. I''m just supposed to straight up say, ''if you don''t surrender, I''m gonna literally get off on killing you a lot, so if you don''t want to be a really abused sex toy, surrender?"


    She just shrugged. "Stupid consent is still informed consent."


    "What the fuck do I do if they surrender?" I wailed.


    "What do you do when someone says stop when one or both of you are already knuckle, nay wrist deep in the other?" she snapped back.


    "Stop. Duh." She just stared at me while Marie purred and snuggled into me. After a moment I deflated. "Shit. That was a dumb question, wasn''t it?"


    She smiled down and booped me on the nose like we hadn''t just been talking about the absolute freakiest shit I''d ever heard of. "Just a Goof one, Goof. Now, you''re finished for the day, so shall we settle in for the night?"


    That sounded like a great idea to me. I think I really needed some brainless star staring, or weird pseudo vore shit with chibi Saffron which not only sounded way weirder when I thought about it awake, but somehow way less freaky than what we''d just been discussing.


    When I had to get up and Revive Gregor a few minutes later it pissed me off so much that I left him atop the roof of his longhouse with the weathercock jammed up his ass.


    Yeah, I think I need to get this shit done and get back to therapy, ASAP.

 Day Three Hundred And Ten

    Dear Diary,


    No.


    I will not be... that. I know I''ve joked around before about ''if we can''t have cuddle puddles and mind blowing sex and sushi, what are we even fighting for'', but... no.


    I wish I could be an idealist and say something all profound and noble and shit like ''there are some lines you don''t cross'', but I fuckin'' did, didn''t I? But that''s just it. We all fuck up sometimes. Maybe in a perfect world, where nobody was forced to do anything before they knew all the consequences, where nobody got forced to do shit by circumstance, where shit wasn''t shit, I could do that. But I''m not from that world, and here and now is even less sunshine and roses than Camden was.


    I wish I had the privilege to be an idealist. To not have to think about shit as fucked up as ''why did those guys think grabbing slaves like fuckable party favors was okay''. To just start killing and not stop until nobody remained except the pure and good and me, neither pure nor good nor vulnerable enough to care about either. But that''s the path to the pinnacle of the shit pyramid, and if I wind up there, it won''t be because I went there knowingly or willingly.


    But I''ve got to acknowledge and accept that my impulses in the here and now, and I can''t even be sure if they''re Mimic impulses, empowered Tabitha impulses, or some fucked up mixture of both, but those impulses will lead me unerringly to the top of the shit pyramid. Which means I can''t just give in to my impulses. Which is going to fuck with me severely if Gregor ever pulls his head far enough out of his goddamned duodenum to actually send a Champion at me.


    But that''s the price, not the one I''ve gotta pay, but the one I''ve chosen to pay. If the only way to stop this massive shit pile of a world from sinking deeper into shittiness that makes casual rape and murder seem okay, then I might as well gather the fam for one last group hug before I push the fuckin'' big red button. I know that the whole point of not ending everything is that ''fate worse than death'' assumes there''s no Hope of things getting better, but in a world where the Gods are determined to keep shit worse instead of making it better, Hope isn''t helpful, it''s stupid.


    I mean, it''s kinda terrifying to have anyhow, since having Hope means that you think things can get better, which means if they don''t, it might be somebody''s fault, and as the biggest dog on the block, the buck stops with me. But for all General Lancaster''s many, many faults, and I''m not sure if his ''institutionalized rape'' is better or worse than the Norfolk ''normalized rape'', he was right about one thing. Show people a symbol of Hope and no matter how far down the drain they''ve already swirled, they''re gonna start climbing. Trying, anyhow, and sometimes when you get enough people trying to do something hard enough, they''ll surprise you.


    I just wish I hadn''t agreed to let Saffron make the call on the whole ''rape as diplomatic tool'' thing. I get her point; any time we say ''no, we will not do this'', we give the fuckers trying to keep this world the way it is another point of leverage, another advantage, and they started with all the fuckin'' cards anyhow. Well, okay, every card but the trump card they locked in a box and threw to the bottom of the river. And now I realize that this, the thing that had me most angsty about this whole thing, up to and including semi-accidental self-gratification through torture-murder, has a simple solution.


    Saffron?


    Yes, Goof?


    High Priestess Saffron, set above all others?


    Her tone changed subtly, but immediately. Yes, My Goddess?


    Hear me, and mark my words. Rape, the Act of Intimate Violation of Consent, is Abhorrent unto Me. None of my faithful are to accept those who perform such acts, who allow or accept such acts, to order such acts.


    As My Goddess most wisely wishes, it shall be so. I got a spontaneous burst of Worship right then. To what degree shall we inflict your wrath upon them, My Goddess?


    To whatever extent it takes to assure they cannot do so again.


    Shall we allow them to apologize? Atone? Return to your embrace?


    Fuck, Kitten. Everybody makes mistakes. Somebody fucks up, and they try to make it right? I''d be a fuckin'' hypocrite if I said no, wouldn''t I?


    My Goddess is merciful. Your ''peers'' would not make the distinction.


    Yeah, well. I do.


    If I thought I''d got a bucket of Worship before, this wave hit like a damn freight train. Which is why they are truly not, and never will be, your peers.


    I woke after a night of the weirdest fuckin'' Mimic dreams yet. Domnu''s pornographic M-Space sky had gotten to some really freaky Hentai shit only possible with a dude whose member had dimensions larger than his partner''s torso and a Goddess for whom causality and space time were exactly as constraining as she wanted them to be at the moment. That wasn''t even the weirdest thing. Pride of place for that got reserved for chibi Chefs Marie yeeting themselves into my maw in lieu of shrimp, over and over and over through the night. Fuzzy should not be a good mouth feel, let alone that good.


    Woke to a pretty nice, sunny day. I reached over and ran my hands over Marie''s hair, then rubbed her face fur. It crunched, then smoothed out to its normal fuzzy feel. That patch of her slid way back away from the depths of the Uncanny Valley as well. I couldn''t resist. "I''mma skritch your whole body now, k?"


    "Okay."


    Permission for the win! I lost my goddamned mind running my nails over and through her freaky looking poorly dried fur until it poofed out into its normal fuzziness, then running my hands over the fuzzy. And my arms. And my face. Especially my face. Kissing may have involved. I didn''t technically ask about that, but I took her hand wrapped around the back of my head guiding me to the next spot she wanted to plant my face as a really fuckin'' pointed suggestion.


    When she lay there purring and puddled, I snuggled up into her, only to have The Dress crunch uncomfortably. I realized just then that Marie had laid down starkers with us, right in the middle of the stage. "You''re naked."


    "Yes."


    "Yeah, that was kinda a stupid observation, wasn''t it?"


    "Maybe?"


    Right about then Saffron started laughing; we''d squirmed away from her while I did my Marie grooming thing, but now she just lay there chuckling. She still had her jeans and white tank top on, although the whole ''wet, so sheer'' thing had worn off. Of course, whether she currently felt excited or cold enough to justify it, her shirt had dried in the image of her nips declaring themselves independent nations set above the rest of her. I kinda figured she''d come over to us, but she just lay there chuckling.


    "You okay, Kitten?"


    "Of course, love." She rolled her head around to look at where I lounged against Marie, but still didn''t move.


    "So why you no join cuddle pile?"


    This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    She smiled and her laughter burbled up again. "These pants offer some nice support, and the shirt is surprisingly comfortable, but both of them have dried to an uncomfortably constricting degree."


    "So.... why are you wearing them again?"


    She smirked up at me, the Grin lurking beneath it. "Other than the lack of anything resembling privacy?"


    "Oh. Yeah. Forgot about that."


    "Damn. I was mostly worried about it for your sake."


    I sighed. "Yeah. I dunno why, I''m just not in the mood to show off our canoodling just now." Sudden inspiration struck. "Hey, can you make a donut shaped Filtration ward?"


    "Donut?"


    "Yeah, like, a ring? I mean, that''s basically what a donut is, a fat ring of pastry."


    She shrugged, concentrated, and a twenty foot high ring of blackest night surrounded us, the top letting the warm sun shine down on us. After looking at Marie''s albino white fur, my own beacons are lit complexion, and Saffron''s only slightly darker than me blinding white, I said, "can you just block some colors of light?"


    "Of course. Which did you want blocked?"


    "Can you block, like, ninety five percent of the UV light?"


    She raised an eyebrow, which looked weird with her looking at me upside down already. "First, you''d best be glad I''ve learned enough math to casually converse about percentages. Second, absolutely, as soon as you tell me what ''of'' light is."


    "Oh, sorry! UV, short for ''ultraviolet''. Like, the colors off the spectrum past Violet."


    She blinked at that. "There are colors off the spectrum?"


    "Yes." Marie''s interruption had less ''duh'' in it than normal when stating blindingly obvious facts, but ''less'' is not ''none''.


    Saffron frowned, muttering as she concentrated on Shaping. "You, my fine Maenad, are very mouthy for a concubine."


    Marie''s unrepentant, "Yes." drew a whole assed chortle from me.


    "Continue along this path and there will be consequences, Beloved Maenad."


    Hearing Marie spend one of her carefully hoarded daily syllables to deadpan, "Eep." had me rolling over and clutching at my belly, curled up with my face in her fuzzy belly as I laughed.


    "Such consequences might involve solemn ceremonies, and having to find yet another Godmother for Isnomi." Marie kinda slumped, and when I rolled away far enough I saw genuine hurt in her eyes until Saffron continued with, "for exactly the same reason as I... well, we had to replace Tabitha, you fuzzy miscreant you." Confusion replaced hurt, and I got to see the exact moment comprehension hit; her eyes popped wide and she scrabbled backward until I glomped onto her leg.


    "You know we won''t force you, right?"


    "yes" Her whisper came out so low I almost thought I imagined it.


    "You also know that barring you being, y''know, her actual mother by marriage making Godmother redundant we''re not going to go looking for another Godmother, right?"


    "yes" I had no clue why she''d gone from cocky Murder Mittens to terrified kitten so quick, but I kinda wanted to fix my broken Maenad if I could, like before it became permanent.


    "So you''ve got nothing to be afraid of. You don''t wanna, so neither of those things is gonna happen. Right?" I sat there, one arm wrapped around her leg, the other hand stroking her thigh, as she shivered and stared wide eyed at me. It took me a hot second, but comprehension finally hit me. "Oh." Moving carefully so as not to spook her, I slid around until I sat behind her, gently laying her head in my lap and moving my fingertips in tiny circles on her temples. "We love you, Marie. We''re here to support whatever you decide. Not to pressure you one way or the other. If you don''t want it, you don''t have to take it. If you do want it, it''s yours." She looked more than a little frightened, and I continued with, "without any expectation or demand of exclusivity, you D addicted fuzzball." She still didn''t relax, so I moved my hands down to her shoulders as I whispered, "and if you want it, truly want it, but you''re too scared to reach out and take it, we''ll walk you there hand in hand in hand."


    "We most certainly will, dearest Marie. That door is open to you, and will remain so forevermore." Saffron blew out a short lungful of air, then said, "second ward is up, I think."


    "Yes." Marie sounded a lot less terrified when given something less scary to jump to. She purred underneath my continued shoulder massage.


    "Um, Kitten? We''ve got our privacy fence and our sunburn protection. Why are you still dressed?"


    Still upside down, the Grin came out in full effect. "I thought you''d enjoy undressing me."


    Okay, I might love that outfit, but sudden urges are sudden. "Marie, go collect our naughty little Kitten for me?"


    "Yes!" She growled and pounced, and by the time I''d rolled to my feet, Saffron dangled in front of me, Marie''s hands around her hips, her arms folded.


    My grin went just a little feral as I looked up the tiniest bit into Saffron''s eyes, and I couldn''t resist stepping up, grabbing the back of her head, and kissing her. Her mouth responded, but her arms stayed crossed. As I pulled away, I gently separated her arms, moving them to her sides, then chuckled a little and said, "remind me to apologize to Conrad, Kitten?"


    That got a perfect puzzled look from her. "For what, love?"


    "This." I grabbed a handful of her tank top in each hand and, absolutely leaning on my pilfered Strength, ripped it clean off. Very bounce. Much distract. Nip? Reaction. Jiggle? Physics. Wow.


    She gasped as the fabric pressed across her as it ripped. A few moments later, as I stood there in stunned adoration of the perfection I''d revealed, she chuckled and said, "I''m a bit disappointed. With that opening I half expected to be ravished by now."


    "Tsk. Marie?" I waved my hands, and Marie tossed Saffron to me. I caught her under her arms and, as her eyes fluttered in anticipation of being kissed, said, "now tear those pants off."


    Saffron''s eyes shot open as our lips met, and I watched her pupils dilate and her eyes cross just a little to the sound of denim shredding as easily as I''d ripped her shirt. When I pulled away to let her breathe, she whispered, "am I to join the ranks of the Maenads today, ladies?"


    I shook my head, grinning like the idiot we all know I am. "Mine. Mine. All mine. No share with D. Mine!"


    Murder Mittens loomed behind my Kitten, pressed up close until one of her arms went around us both. "Ours."


    I reached around Saffron, around Marie, even though my hand barely reached to her waist, and pulled her close as hard as she''d pulled me. "That''s what I said!"


    Best antics are laughing antics.


    As we lay there after Saffron asked, "so what''s the plan for today, love?"


    I crowed out, "sunbathing!"


    "Sunbathing."


    Her tone got me a little pouty. "Yeah. I wanna get a tan. I''ve never been this toned, and now I wanna lay here until I''m all toasty, tanned, and... uh... toasty."


    I heard the eye roll in her voice when she said, "Marie, could you retrieve some blankets, please?"


    A moment later a blanket flopped over each of us. "Aw, but that blocks the sun!"


    "They''re to lay on, Goof of my dreams."


    "Duh."


    "Oh, fuck you both."


    "Again?"


    I couldn''t keep my mad up. I couldn''t even fake it. I broke down laughing as I helped Marie arrange our blankets for maximum tanning comfort. As we settled in face down to get our back tans started, something Saffron had said finally percolated through my skull. "Do you dream about me too?"


    She''d been lying with her face buried in her arms, but she turned to face me, and in that moment I knew exactly what people meant when they talked about a look of religious ecstasy. "Oh, yes." Her eyes didn''t flutter open, but they did fuckin'' flutter.


    "What do you dream about."


    Things I would not sully by speaking aloud, my Goddess.


    Can you maybe sully them a little by thinking them aloud? Just a little?


    Velvet rubbed every inner bit of me, brains to bone, as she chuckled, the Grin made manifest in mental sound. The same thing you do, beloved Goddess. Worship.


    I''m not entirely sure I''m comfortable with that...


    You''re sure you''re not, or you''re not sure?


    I took a deep breath, considering. I''m not sure. You''re not hurting yourself, are you?


    Not in the slightest, oh my Goofy Goddess. I sighed in relief, and she must have heard. May we convince you?


    I sent her an image of me sitting behind a folding table, a big sign in front of it saying, ''This might be too freaky for me'', with the words, ''Change My Mind!'' right beneath that.


    Sleep. She did something, and I drifted off almost immediately. I woke up lying on my back, the sun dipping below the horizon, secure in the knowledge that my chibi Kitten and Murder Mittens chefs yeeting each other into my Mimic mouth was not, in fact, too freaky for me, given the bizarre combination of utter, near food coma relaxation combined with energy levels normally associated with cocaine mules and ruptured condoms. Also, Mimic has no gag reflex and a nom capacity that puts mine to shame, and Secret Technique: Chibi-Chef-Yeet-Jutsu left me completely mystified with whether or not Domnu had been projecting anything on the M-Space sky, because Mimic sure as fuck wasn''t paying one fuck''s worth of attention to the sky.


    "Time to get up, love," Saffron whispered from where she lay snuggled against my left side.


    "Yeah." rumbled Marie from my right.


    I put my arms around them and pulled them to me as I muttered, "y''know, I think I''m gonna give them until the sun is completely down before I do anything."


    "How generous of you."


    "Nah. I''m just feelin'' too fuckin'' lazy to deal with Shitdick before I absolutely have to. I figure we have what, at least half an hour. That''s enough time, right?"


    "Enough time for what, love?"


    I ran my hands down their sides, not quite tickling. "To be sure I''m entirely too un-frustrated to accidentally do something I''d regret."


    Never thought I''d be quite so turned on by Marie playing ''make the dress up dolls kiss'' as she growled out, "Yes."

 Day Three Hundred And Eleven

    Dear Diary,


    I get that in a perfect world, every interaction with our loved ones, especially our significant others, would be a totally non-transactional, mutually mind-blowing, enthusiastically negotiated and consented to joysplosion, and also get that in the real world, sometimes you ring your partner''s joy buzzer doorbell to scare off the Black Dog, but even with all that my current situation seems pretty fuckin'' weird.


    I gotta keep reminding myself that weird is not bad. I mean, intellectually? I knew that. Hell, my whole aesthetic back at Eastside was ''Freak Flags Forward, Fuckers!'' when I wasn''t, y''know, wallflowering to get away with shady shit. But even, maybe especially back then I knew, somewhere deep down inside, that there was something deeply wrong with me. If there wasn''t, why couldn''t I find anybody who really got me? Not even like, one person to say, ''I see you, and I am here for you, just as you are''? I think somewhere deep inside I''m still that girl who just wanted to be wanted, y''know?


    Unpleasant truth time, that part of me still feels a little unwanted. Not from doubting Saffron or Marie. Not that I don''t have moments of doubt there, where some part of me thinks that Saffron will finally get bored of her Himbo, or trade me in for a new, less damaged model, or just realize that she never loved me because I am, after all, fundamentally unlovable. Or the parts that think that when Marie finally drags me home to present me to D and her sisters, I won''t wake up in the morning, because I''ve been forcing her to stay this whole time. Okay, did I say ''moments of doubt''? Because I sure as shit can''t think fast enough to fall into those deep trenches of despair in moments. That shit takes some dedicated devotion to depression, and while I might come with a thick, gooey coating of overconfidence, it is, in fact, just a rich, creamy fa?ade; ignore the slightly sour taste, that''s just natural flavoring.


    As you can no doubt tell from that last sentence, horny girl being horny may not actually be overcompensating or repressed trauma or any of that shit. Or at least not just that shit. I like sex. If you don''t like sex, good on you, have fun being Ace and shit, if you''re not repulsed I''ll even swap fuck stories for... um... what the fuck kind of stories would Ace people have? Is this some kind of Ace joke I''m just too oversexed to understand? Maybe. But I''m cool with people being Ace. On the other hand, if you have an issue with me liking sex, you can get entirely fucked, in as many positions as you can imagine, because I am a kind and benevolent Goddess who responds to such offenses with the offer of enough carnal bliss to totally forget the neo-Puritan bullshit you were planning to spout.


    But anyway, the Tabitha who landed her ass here via isekai still has doubts. I read a book about a dude who gets his brain transplanted into a chick, and by the end of the book goes full on ''I''m a woman now'', and while I''m completely supportive of dudes born with a vajayjay or chicks who shipped from the factory with dicks, I''m in a position where I realize that the chassis can indeed affect the wetware and the software. Like, were I to ignore my whole ''love the cock too'' bi nature and sort myself into one of the Four Canon Lesbian Houses, back at Eastside I think I''d be a Lipstick Lesbian of the big-naturals and dump-truck variety. Here, I''m clearly a Lumberjack Lesbian. For clarity, the other two houses are Livestock Lesbians and Leadership Lesbians. If you''re wondering something like, ''but there are more than four types of Lesbians!'', there ought to be more than four types of Wizards in the world, but try telling a TERF that. If you''re wondering, ''don''t those overlap a little sometimes...''


    Seriously, I''m the one who''s supposed to be dropping the innuendo here. In a perfect world, they overlap as often as refractory periods allow.


    So yeah, the part of me that still expects to see a curvy brown girl when I look in the mirror, who wouldn''t be shocked to see a powerlifting badass brown girl in the mirror? Has some real serious doubts about whether Saffron and Marie like ''me'' or the chassis, if you see the difference. Which might not even be a real difference, but my trauma tells me it is, and it wouldn''t lie to me, would it?


    So yeah, letting Marie play with Saffron and I like a twelve year old exploring her sexuality by proxy with Barbie and Yasmin with the stated goal of quenching my thirst enough to not accidentally pop off while torturing some poor slob to death might not have been the healthiest of responses, nor the Ultimate Pinnacle of Morality, but it was unexpectedly fun and hot at the same time.


    Still more than a little sweat drenched, I did my insta-clean trick on The Dress, who''d sunbathed her own self hung over the ersatz doorframe Conrad had used to deliver the fam to the stage, then put her on normally, since at that moment I definitely understood Saffron''s whole ''putting armor on'' aspect of getting dressed in a really nice outfit. I mean, The Dress was half-naked gladiator chic to Glowing Midnight''s plate-and-chain battle armor, but still, armor is armor, and you don''t put on armor to get your fuck on.


    GODDAMMIT. Saffron''s supposed to be the one giving me new kinks. I do not need me doing it too.


    With the largest dose of ''fuck this shit'' I have ever done anything, I simultaneously Translocated to Gregor''s throne room and Co-Located to our Library Love shack. When I popped on a set of Dragonslayer Armor sans the shield Saffron popped up with the same look she had when I caught her eating secret sweets, for similar reasons. "Don''t let me interrupt you. Just scooch over a bit." A quick Co-Location later I provided myself with an excellent distraction for dealing with Shitdick.


    I''d intended to land on the floor facing Shitdick, but somebody''d shoved some tables together to make a big conference table looking thing, and I landed on the center as a super short, super wide dude with the fanciest braided beard I''d ever seen shouted, "fuck you, Gregor! I''ll face her myself if I have to, but my boys can''t ''burrow in under the stage'', because she''s on a goddamned fucking boat!"


    I winced in sympathy, but before I could announce myself, a dude on the far side of the table from shorty said, "Here''s the Jarl herself." He turned to Gregor and, with the tones you''d use to explain something painfully obvious to a little kid who couldn''t seem to grasp gravity well enough to pour piss out of a slipper with shiny objects on the sole, said, "so any surprise from your ''sapper'' idea is lost in any case." He turned back to me closed his eyes, and took a deep breath while mouthing the words, "thank Odin." The guy reminded me a lot of Lancaster. Cheaper dress, or maybe just more primitive, but still a dress. Same basic color scheme, although a little lighter. I think he also might have been taller and thinner, but with him sitting, me standing on the table, and the completely mismatched sizes of the people seated around the table, I couldn''t really tell.


    "GRAB HER!" screamed Gregor.


    "FUCK YOU!" screamed shorty. Gregor went to stand, and I took a half step toward him, glaring. His ass remained dedicated to its close personal relationship with his throne.


    This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    I amplified my voice and said, "look, I''m just here to tell Shitdick the Gross that he''s down to four attempts."


    An oddly loud reedy voice came from behind me. "Not to kill him again?"


    I looked over my shoulder to see a Jotnar, one who wouldn''t have to duck to walk around under the sixty foot ceilings, but would need to stay near the center or risk smacking his head on the rafters. He sat tailor fashion, which impressed me given how fuckin'' old he looked. Like, well past ''elderly'' and into ''ancient''. I''d ballpark him as ''octogenarian'' at youngest, ''old as shit'' at oldest. His eyes still danced with humor, though, so I smiled up at him and shook my head. "Nah. I dunno if he told you the fuckin'' rules, or if you were here for the concert, but I only kill him to death painfully when he sends someone after somebody else, or sends more than one person at a time at me."


    "Your illusions do not frighten me, whore!" Gregor hissed at me. I spun to face him, jumping an inch toward him as I did. His ass once again declared its undying love for his throne.


    Right about then not-Lancaster, his tone almost formally polite, asked, "so why are we ''down'' to four attempts, if he did not manage to finagle yet another mass attack on your person?"


    I dropped my gaze to the table, let out a breath, and focused on what I was doing in the Love Shack for a ten count. Then, before I completely lost track of Shitdick''s Sidekicks, I took another deep breath, let it out, and turned to face not-Lancaster. "I told him this, but every twenty four hours he loses another attempt."


    "Shit." He didn''t sound angry. Well, maybe a little, but not at me. "Pardon, Jarl. We haven''t been introduced. I am Jarl Weyson, current... well I suppose you''d call it ''adjutant'' for King Gregor''s forces. The fellow across from me with the magnificent beard is Jarl Svart, his ''quartermaster''. The expired jerky sitting on the floor is Champion Skasn; in your parlance he''d be the head of the ''Duelist''s Guild''."


    "Good to meet you all. But I''d call him," I nodded toward the old dude. "the most dangerous motherfucker in the room. Politely." When Weyson tilted his head, I explained. "His age, and a Duelist, and not, y''know, dead? I certainly wouldn''t want the job of killing him after so many other people obviously failed."


    "See, Gregor?" said Skasn. "She knows my worth. Pay my fee and she''ll surrender."


    I laughed at that. "Not what I said, but still proves my point. I said I wouldn''t want to. Both because you seem like the nicest dude here along with being the most dangerous. But I''ll still kill the fuck out of you if I have to."


    He shot me a wry smile before he said, "I''d say I''d like to see you try, but..." he sighed. "I saw what you left of my son Olaf."


    "Oh, shit. I''m sorry, man. I didn''t know."


    He shook his head, waving one hand in a dismissive gesture. "He knew the risks of the job when he took it. More fool him for not surrendering. He didn''t surrender, did he?"


    I shook my head. "Sorry. No, he didn''t."


    He sighed. "May I collect his remains?"


    I shook my head, frowning. "Sorry. I had them burned. I didn''t want him rotting or anything."


    He closed his eyes and nodded. "It could be worse. If his ashes were not scattered, may I collect those, and any bones which remain?"


    "Sure. All but the femurs."


    His head tipped sideways, somehow moving into ''WTF Diaz'' positioning despite only knowing me for like five minutes. "Dare I ask why?"


    "I promised them to my wife. As... um... chew toys."


    He blinked. "You married Fenris? No, you said wife. A Jotnar? Or a Titan?"


    I chuckled. "Nah. She''s like," I held out a hand right about tit height. "This big. She''s got a lot of repressed rage to work out though, I think."


    He straightened his head, turned to Gregor, and pronounced. "The price to send a Champion Duelist against her just doubled. Full payment due in advance."


    Svart snorted. "Doubled? That''s more than what''s in the Royal Treasury. You expect him to fork over his fleet, his longhouse, his Thralls?"


    I chimed in with "I''m just curious why you need it in advance, honestly."


    Skasn smiled at me and said, "because I doubt you''ll honor his debt when you''ve defeated him."


    I shook my head and sighed again. "Fuck. Look, guys, apparently Shitdick here," he lunged upward, and I met his chest with the sole of my boot, once again engendering a passionate embrace between his ass and his throne. "Didn''t tell you the why of shit. I don''t want to kill more people than I have to, but I came here to win some ships, and rapidly realized that I can''t in good conscience leave any living thing having to deal with Shitdick here as head of state." I turned to Skasn. "But while I don''t want to kill every fucking person here to save them, and the Alliance has already lost three of our five Armies before we even became an Alliance, so I don''t even really want to kill off your Heroes or troops, I also don''t want anybody saying I cheated, or that Shitdick could have stopped me if he''d sent better Heroes or some shit."


    Skasn nodded. "Fair logic. And?"


    "And so I''ll cover his payment to you, up to but not including people, ships, or weapons. People aren''t property, and I need those latter two to get the fucking Undead out of Calverton"


    "You''d give me the King''s longhouse?"


    I shrugged. "Would that make you King or some shit?"


    He waggled one decrepit hand at me. "It''d give me a strong argument."


    "Strong enough you''d meet me on the Green to discuss it vigorously?"


    He laughed, wheezy but still loud enough to shake dust from the rafters, "oh, fuck no."


    At that point Weyson spoke up. "Jarl Diaz. May I make a request?"


    I was feeling more than a little pleasantly worked up by this point, not least of all because of the fun convo with Skasn. "Sure. Can''t guarantee I''ll say yes, but I''m pretty laid back, so long as you don''t threaten people I''m protecting."


    "Could we have one day to prepare, and one of the attempts Gregor has wasted back?"


    "Why?"


    He nodded. "Svart and I are obligated to face you. Beside that, we own two of the Battleships you came down for."


    I smiled, "I thought I recognized your names."


    "Indeed. I think should you not face Skasn or his successor on the field, you may indeed be suspected of not fighting all of our best."


    "Okay, that''s three." I turned to Skasn. "I really hope you pick somebody else. You''re cool, I''d hate to kill you."


    "I thought you didn''t want to fight me because I''m dangerous."


    "Oh, look, I''m all tricksy and do shit for multiple reasons. I''m pretty sure Loki''s all proud of me for that now."


    Paper rustled, popcorn crunched. Oh, I am, Daughter. I am.


    Weyson sighed. "Jarl Ericson owns yet another Battleship you sought to claim, and I''m certain he will not surrender unless he fights you personally."


    I raised an eyebrow. "He''s not here for your little war council why?"


    "None of us had any desire to deal with someone quite that hotheaded or stupid."


    Without my conscious volition, I turned to face Gregor, who sat glaring at me, then back to Weyson. "Really?"


    He sighed again, the sigh of a man who''d had every blessing of Murphy rammed up his ass unwillingly. "I''m afraid so."


    "Ouch. That''s... y''know what? I''m gonna give you your fifth, just because you asked nice and I feel so fuckin'' bad for you."


    Weyson nodded. "Thank you."


    "Who''s the fifth?" Weyson sighed, dropped his gaze, and somehow without moving one iota managed to indicate the King. I turned to Gregor. "Holy shit. You really wanna fight me?"


    He clutched at the arms of his throne and ground out, "I will expect you on Johnson''s Green at sunrise on Freyday. Whore."


    I closed my eyes and focused on the my surprisingly boring antics back in the Love Shack while I tried to think up a snappy comeback. After a ten count I shook my head and just said, "I''ll see you there, Shitdick," before turning to the others and saying, "please keep him from doing anything I have to do shit about between now and then?" They all nodded with varying degrees of resignation. Then I remembered what I''d talked about with Saffron. "Oh, shit, I forgot. I may on occasion literally get off on killing the living shit out of poor bastards, so, uh, if you''re not down with being a one use sex toy, you might want to surrender." Blushing for no reason I could discern, I interrupted any responses with, "kay, thanks, bai!"


    I wound up collapsing in laughter when I hit the stage. Both of me in the Love Shack did as well. For like ten minutes the only explanation I could make to Saffron and Marie?


    A wheezed out, "Tripled!"

 Day Three Hundred And Twelve

    Dear Diary,


    So weird, going into something with one set of goals, then coming out with entirely different shit, yet somehow not being upset about it.


    Seriously, my voluntold purpose coming here was to steal some Battleships legally, for a really fucked up value of legal. I''d added ''all your shit is mine'' in a sort of homage to Shang Tsung, also maybe as a first step in parlaying ''powerful almost-Hero'' into ''rich enough to get our kid into a good school even if she is a slacker Menace hellspawn like me''. Then I saw the shady rapey shit going on in Jarl Swanson''s longhouse, and even saving Hilde from that didn''t really fulfill my urge to make shit right. So by the time I hit Jarl Johnson''s crib, I think I''d already subconsciously decided to conquer this shit and make it right.


    So, y''know, I''ve kinda started a war, and I''m not sure if it''s for the best or worst reason possible.


    Worst of all, at least for a very me-specific version of ''worst'' and a very strategic sense of ''all'', I know without a doubt that Immortal Tyrants being fucking Abominations Unto Me aside, I would make a shitty Queen. Fuck, my go to move as Jarl has been ''I''ll come back and fix shit later, just nobody fuck anybody over or I''ll kill you to death''. I''m gonna be stunned if by the time I return to Jarl Karlson''s place that shit hasn''t burned itself to the ground. Like, the buildings spontaneously lighting themselves on fire in protest like one of those monks, leaving everybody out in the fuckin'' rain.


    So once I stopped laughing about my unsavory tendencies I snuggled back up with the other two on the stage, frowned up at the rain splattering down, and tossed up a Filtration Ward set to keep water out. Which immediately turned our stage-raft into a plank with intent to capsize.


    "If I may, love?" I nodded and helped Saffron to her feet, where she got the worst kind of booger look, glaring up at my Filtration Ward. "Marie?" Marie grabbed her by the thighs and lifted her straight up until my Kitten could reach my Ward, then punctured it with an indignant Mana Blade. The stage went back to being a really well constructed pontoon raft, and she Shaped a new Ward to keep the rain off. A few minutes later she huffed out, "is there a reason you''ve not set me down yet?"


    "View."


    I don''t get to see Saffron blush nearly often enough.


    Of course, one of those times was back in our Library Love Shack, where I''d apparently interrupted the two of them with my failed armored self-shenanigans. I peeled off the Dragonslayer armor piece by piece, gently dropping it in a corner. "Well, that was a bust."


    "What was, love?"


    "Eh. Got some kinda neuron activation thinking about getting it on in armor." I shrugged. "Didn''t live up to my own mental image of it."


    She got a cute little speculative look. Normally I think she''d have folded her arms under her tits, but she still lay on her stomach with Marie''s hand kinda possessively on her back. "That isn''t exactly the type of leather that most people think of when they''re contemplating provocative clothing, no."


    "Nah. I was, uh... what was I? Oh! Right! Remember you talked about putting on clothes normally being like armoring up and shit?" She nodded. "Well, that got me thinking about how The Dress is like that gladiator armor that would be full frontal if it weren''t for the codpiece, and Glowing Midnight is more like a set of full plate and chain. The super fancy hyper articulated pretty shit you see in the right kind of Anime, even. So I guess I got all tingly about different kinds of metal plate armor, not leather, but we don''t have any of that. The closest I can think of is the Cold Iron plates that the Arse Priests wore, and that shit''s ugly as fuck. Total beaver dam. Also, couldn''t get it to auto-populate my item slots in preparation for me auto-populating my item slots."


    Saffron giggled, chortled, then faceplanted right in Marie''s crotch, laughing like a loon. Marie might have taken a little bit of exception to that, because she apparently required Saffron to tender apologies before letting her up. Not that anybody else in the room complained. When Saffron rolled over and both of them scooched up so Marie could sit against the headboard and Saffron could sit against the Marie, giggles laced her voice when she said, "sorry, love. I''m not laughing at your idea. I mean, your attempt at execution was appallingly sloppy, but that''s sad, not funny."


    "Ouch."


    She gasped and lifted a hand to her mouth, blushing again, which led me to immediately forgive her for everything up to mass murder, then she squeaked out, "sorry! My inhibitions are absolutely gone. I think Marie may be literally intoxicating."


    "Duh." Fuckin'' Murder Mittens could look smugger than fuckin'' Vulcan. Pretty much the same reasons, honestly.


    "I mean, you''ve got the itty bitty body weight to notice, but wouldn''t you have noticed before?" She blushed, looked away, and muttered something. "What was that, Kitten? I didn''t hear you."


    She pouted. "It''s supposed to be a surprise."


    I rolled my eyes. "Okay then. I mean, you could just tell me and I''m sure I''ll forget by the time you spring it on me anyway, but go on, Kitten, keep your secrets."


    As the three of us on stage snuggled in for some pleasant lazy starwatching, and Saffron and I Co-Located to snuggle in around Marie and the Menace, Saffron tilted her head and asked, "did you want to join us, love?" A moment later she shook her head. "Although that would rather hurt your edge on Freyday, would it not?" Continuing to argue with herself she said, "No, wait, you''ll be wanting to go in as satiated as possible to avoid accidents, won''t you?"


    I grinned at her and said, "no! I remembered! I asked! Well, okay, I kinda EULA''d them. Y''know, I told them ''not surrendering counts as consent''. Which now that I think about it is more than a little skeevy, and I''m gonna put a pin in blaming Mimic for making my lady bits salivate over the thought that something''s skeevy for now." I giggled a little when I said, "the Duelist''s guild tripled the price to hire a Champion to face me when I told them that."


    She replied to my inane banter with a solemn nod. "I see. I''m very, very proud of you, Tabitha. That couldn''t have been easy for you to do."


    Already divested of artificial body coverings of all kinds, I said, "is it childish to get many different kinds of excited that you''re proud of me for adulting?"


    She held up a hand, palm outward, "ah, ah, ah! While I don''t think it''s childish at all to feel platonic pleasure produced by praise, you, my love, are far more effective when riled up and frustrated."


    You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.


    "Oh, FUCK!"


    She Muttley snickered at me. "Not until after you win the Alliance their newest City, beloved Goof."


    I folded my arms across my chest and honestly, if I''d been able to fart on command like the Menace, I totally would have. "Motherfucker!"


    "Indeed you are, love," Saffron said as she rolled over and started worming her way down Marie''s front. "But not until Freyday afternoon, it seems."


    I flopped onto the bed, leaning against the side wall and pulling my legs into a tailor seat. "Fuck that noise."


    She lifted her head and looked over at me, "excuse me? You would deny me both authority and agency in this?"


    I ran my tongue across my lips and dove into the thirst when I said, "No. But you are scheduled for Friday Brunch."


    I dunno if I should be happy or not that I kind of spoilt her performance with the blushing giggles that gave her. But I definitely am.


    Some time around four in the morning I collapsed back into myself, only to have her blink owlishly at me where we snuggled up on the stage and ask, "are you planning on going to sleep?"


    "Hadn''t intended to."


    "Then get your ass back to the library right now."


    I blinked at her vehemence. "Holy shit, Kitten. Are you trying to rile me up or something?"


    "You get an answer the moment your ass hits the bed." I Co-Located, and while the Saffron in the bed didn''t stop to enlighten me, the Saffron on the stage with me nodded, satisfied, and pulled me back to cuddle with her. "I''ve researched your five opponents, love. Other than Ericson and Gregor, your opponents will be smart enough to surrender. I''d ask you hold back against them for that very reason."


    "Not sure if I can, love."


    "Oh, I have faith in you. Cripple them as much as you can, but don''t kill them on purpose."


    I shrugged. "Okay. No promises, but okay. What about Shitdick and Ericson?"


    I felt her face harden into a frown. "Both of them deserve you at your absolute worst."


    Eventually I did get tired and, some time after dawn, nod off in the embrace of floating stage Saffron and Marie. Didn''t seem to matter how much Worship Shrimp and Chefs Mimic bogarted, and shrimp had in fact returned to the menu in force, I still couldn''t stay Co-Located while sleeping. Honestly, after spending most of Wednesday and Thursday sunbathing and snoozing, which left me more or less a passive observer to Mimic nomming like a mindless nom machine, I''d started internally rating the mouth feel and flavor of different sizes and shapes of shrimp, comparing them to the high bar set by Marie and Saffron yeeting themselves in as well.


    As we lay there cuddling Thursday morning, I felt some kinda way and said, "Kitten, are you sure that''s not hurting you, or Marie, or anybody else?"


    She shrugged. "It''s most certainly not hurting either of us. I suppose some of your other worshippers might take things to extremes."


    "Oh. Well..." Then what she''d said really sunk home. "Other worshippers?"


    "Of course! You didn''t think I''d forsake my duties as your High Priestess, did you? You have a small, yet devoted and growing following in each of the Alliance Cities. Even in New Amsterdam, where they are still, at present, an illegal cult. I offered to help them migrate to Cities open to your worship; a few have, but most have refused."


    Gotta say, that information left me totally without a coherent response. On the one hand, those little butterflies that I''d first felt when learning that Heroes were basically Phileo''s equivalent to Senators had roughly the same wingspan as fuckin'' Mothra by this point. On the other, the idea that somebody would worship me, either mass of tentacles with no detectable thought processes me or, y''know, murderous raging slut bunny me, was just fuckin'' incomprehensible. So I did like you do and latched onto the one thing that Saffron had said which sounded actually bad.


    "I don''t want anyone hurting themselves to worship me."


    "You''d deny them their right to choose you as Patron? To devote their Worship and Glory to you?" I felt the frown in her voice.


    I shrugged. "Well, no. That''s on them, I guess, if they know it''s a crime and do it anyway. I mean, shit, I dunno if ''Be Gay, Do Crimes'' is a thing here, but I guess ''Worship Mimic, Do Crimes'' isn''t a half bad substitute. But, like, I don''t want anybody cutting themselves, or starving themselves, or god forbid sacrificing themselves to me."


    Daughter, it is not my place to forbid your worshippers the choice to sacrifice themselves to you, but I admire your conviction nonetheless.


    "What of those who are dying, and choose to dedicate that death to you?"


    I deflated. "Fuck. You love handing me moral quandaries, don''t you?"


    She turned to let me see her smile up at me. "I see no quandary. When I cannot tell what the right thing to do is, I ask my Goddess, and she tells me."


    I snorted. "I''m not totally sanguine with letting my fucked up cereal box prize moral compass guide me, let alone a whole fuckin'' religion, but..."


    "Butt?" she said as she squeezed mine.


    I smiled at that, because I liked being the recipient of a good butt squeeze as the one delivering the squeezing. Which I did in turn. "But better somebody who''s confused and in need of direction asks than goes off on some kind of wild rampage of, y''know, rape and inappropriate murder."


    "Inappropriate murder?"


    I nodded. "Shit, Kitten, I''m practically the Goddess of Justified Homicide at this point. Might as well own that shit. But... dedicating death to me. First of all, it better be their fuckin'' own."


    "As you will it, so shall it be done."


    "Okay then. No doing dumb shit to get killed just to amp up their ''notice me Sempai''. Somebody, I dunno, racing into a house fire to save a bunch of little kids? I''m in no way happy somebody like that would have to die, but if somebody''s gonna die heroically and shit, I would be fuckin'' honored if they give me props for it. That is absolutely the kind of ''Act of Ultimate Worship'' that I could accept."


    "So noted, love. You would be a Goddess of Heroes, then?"


    "Better than a Goddess of Villains."


    She nodded, serious despite her smile. "What of those dying of aught else?"


    My thoughts immediately jumped to thoughts of tiny Marie Pesce, her parents just wanting her soul to be waiting for them in the afterlife, rather than lying around abandoned in M-Space for eternity. "I told them then, I tell you now, some little kid is dying, you tell me. Immediately. Capice?"


    She frowned, more than a little frightened. "Even if it means allowing others to know your secret, love?"


    "Not one goddamned infant death, if I can stop it, Kitten. Not. One."


    I can assist with that. Not with healing them, of course. The list of Deities who can do what I only suspect you''ve done is a short handful. But I can let you know when and where you are needed.


    Do I want to know details?


    I sincerely doubt it.


    Would I be angry about them?


    Oh, no. Likely just confused, perhaps embarrassed.


    Then do it.


    For you, Daughter, of course.


    "You catch all that, Kitten?"


    "I have, and you will be told when you are needed." I relaxed until she said, "what of the others?"


    "Others?"


    "Those dying of diseases no amount of Mana can cure. Those whose bodies fail from age. Those so traumatized, so deep in despair, that they cannot bear to live another day."


    I blew out another lungful of air. "Shit. Tell me. If I can''t fix it? The least I can do is carry them home myself."


    "You would reveal yourself to them?"


    "Just fuckin'' said that. Sorry. The whole topic fucks with me, and not in a fun way. But yeah. Not like they''re gonna tell anybody, right?"


    She nodded. "Should they know this is a secret known only to your most beloved? They certainly will not, not in this life or any other."


    "Okay then." I looked at her again, tilting her head so I could look into her eyes. "You tell me that you''re not hurting yourself worshipping while I sleep. I trust you with every fiber of my being. But I... worry. I''m afraid." I pressed my forehead to hers. "Make me not afraid."


    Her lips found mine, our bodies still as our mouths became one. She kissed me. She held me. She sang to me, with words and without, all night long.


    By the end of the night I wasn''t afraid any more, and I had no idea why at first. It wasn''t until I lay down to sunbathe and realized I had absolutely no need to sleep that I realized why.


    If she could worship me all night like that, with that much soft, inexorable intensity, without hurting herself? I couldn''t really work up any worry about her M-Space avatar yeeting itself into Mimic''s Maw. So I didn''t.


    Nom.

 Day Three Hundred And Thirteen

    Dear Diary,


    Some days the adult thing to do is hard, tiring, and boring; other days I don''t have much in the way of responsibility, so I can spend it doing small, everyday, deeply satisfying things with my wives and kid.


    Today, though, the adult thing is going to be fucking. Shit. Up. I can hardly wait, and I mean that far more literally than is probably healthy, but for one glorious sunrise I do not fuckin'' care. After a night spent alternately snoozing while contemplating the oddly luxurious mouth-feel of Marie''s M-Space self auto-yeeting into Mimic''s maw and snuggling ever deeper into the cuddle puddles both on the floating stage and on Marie''s bed, the sun peeking over the horizon pulled me fully awake.


    Just in time to feel the entire stage start tipping as a huge crashing sound from downstream filled the air. Without moving very much at all I Translocated all three of us to an Air Shield box above the Green. Then I swore and stepped back to the stage, grabbing my sword staves, my rope darts, and The Dress just as the raft capsized. The water wasn''t, like, ''light on fire'' bad, but it certainly wasn''t what I''d call clean, and the whole very brackish nature of it didn''t help either. Between the water, the tumbling, and just waking up I wound up more than a little too disoriented to Translocate safely, so when a big clawed hand wrapped itself around my upper arm and pulled, I went with it.


    A few moments of holding my breath and kicking later, my feet hit mud. The hand on my arm tugged, and I trudged through the mud until my head cleared the surface of the river. I threw my head back, shaking my mop of hair while blowing out the lungful of air I''d been holding. I looked over to see my rescuer, one my my Lizard Bois. When I met his gaze, he nodded and let go of my arm.


    "Thanks. What the fuck happened?"


    He pointed over my shoulder, and I turned to see the wreckage of the pontoon stages breaking apart. Some bits sank, some bits floated downriver, some just kind of floated there bonking against a wooden sailboat hogging up the middle of the river. As I watched it dropped an anchor from its bow, smashing apart the last remaining flat, level, floating part of the pontoon bridge stage. I saw four fancy dressed motherfuckers standing atop the elevated rear deck; three I recognized, one I did not, not to mention a moderately enormous Jotnar walking along the far side of the river, the first one I''d seen of the female variety.


    Gregor stood centered on the raised deck, arms akimbo, his normal ''Norse regal finery'' replaced by a suit of heavy plate armor that looked suspiciously irony and chilly. Of course he still had a big old purple cape with the black and white spotted fur ruff around the neck, not to mention enough fluffy furry bits to properly outfit Elton John and Lil Nas X both. Probably didn''t hurt that for all his shitdickery, he wasn''t a small asshole. Probably half again as big as Marshall duBois.


    To his left, Jarl Weyson stood there in not just his Odin-Issue dress, complete now with fashion statement eye patch, which just proved to me that all of Odin''s Priests had to be at least nascent edgelords, but also in an outer robe of pure white. Mostly smooth fabric in broad panels, but the shoulders, which held themselves way too rigid to be nothing but cloth, had a riot of pure white feathery shit springing out of them. I couldn''t tell if the shit was feathers, or fur, or something less savory than either, but he definitely rocked the ''MMORPG Mage look''.


    To his right, Jarl Svart leaned against one of two ballistae that looked to be permanently mounted to the upper deck. He had a suspiciously metallic bow poking over one shoulder, a pair of short handled axes at his waist, not to mention him using one that looked to be fire-axe sized as an impromptu walking stick. Or hell, I dunno, maybe it was intended to be a walking stick, and just wound up being so badass people mistook it for a battle axe.


    Speaking of battle axes led me to the fourth guy on the upper deck, who stood hunched over and sorta seething, looking like a Nathan Explosion cosplayer who forgot most of his outfit at home and was making do with body paint and pure unchained rage. Seriously, the dude wore nothing but blue paint and way too much body hair, although he had some kind of camelback peeking out over his shoulder and he clutched a great axe at least half again as long as he was tall. I could only assume this fuck was Ericson, here to pit rage against rage and see who raged harder. Heh. Rage hard. Hit different, what with him actually having a legit possibly literal raging hard on that kinda bobbed as he looked at me, although that could have been the ongoing heaved breaths.


    The mega-chica on the far side of the river wore what looked to be a leather catsuit, but not the fancy PVC kind. This evoked memories of Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman. Aunties, VCR, yadda yadda. Bits of some kind of leathery looking fabric not too much bigger than both of her outstretched hands, all sewn together with really ugly thick cords. Thing is, while her outfit looked primitive as fuck, she in no way looked stupid or thuggish. Lack of perspective and her distance from the others made it hard to tell, but I ballparked her as just a touch shorter than Skasn. Weird thinking that she looked kinda cute in a tomboyish sort of way, especially what with Jotnar size meaning each of her modestly-proportioned tits being the size of a smart-car at the least.


    A huge plank slid out from the side of the ship, and I stepped myself and my Boi to the far end of the Green before Shitdick''s crew pissed me off by dropping it on one of us. Seeing that, the other two Bois loped after us.


    "Prepare to meet your end, whore!" Shitdick''s voice echoed out over the Green.


    Before anybody else could move or say anything, Saffron''s voice filled the space. "HOLD!" Close your eyes, love. I am Best Wife, so my eyes slammed shut as she said, "you have all clearly taken time to armor yourselves in preparation, you will allow me a few moments to dress my wife appropriately to face you."


    Small hands claimed my weapons and The Dress. Before any silk touched me, clawed paws lifted me by the waist, and slick leather boots slid up my legs, then cinched tight until they felt like a second skin. My feet returned to the ground, and a single leather thong wrapped around my head, pulling my hair back away from my face to hang behind my head. A leathery belt slid around my waist, weighted toward one side. Silk slid over my head to settle at my waist, although The Dress'' skirts hung to the wrong side, the same side with my new belt''s weight. Marie''s claws bent me, slipped The Dress'' upper loop of silk up my back, under my armpits, then around the back of my neck.


    "Uh, isn''t that bit supposed to be hiding my rock hard lady nips, lest they cause the collapse of civilization the way Facebook thinks they will?"


    "Oh hush, you." Saffron chuckled as something clinked, silk rustled, and a bit of cold metal mesh lay against the side of that thigh. Not the tiniest hint of The Dress'' skirt, though, and I noticed something as notable by its absence as its presence would have been.


    "Just showing me off today, huh?"


    Her voice husky, Saffron replied, "why would I not put the most beautiful thing I will ever call ''mine'' on display for others to touch if they dare?" A loop of leather circled my shoulder opposite The Dress'' skirt, another sliding over my shoulder blades and clavicle, both of them cinching snug a moment later. Circles of bone forced their way between my inner thighs and The Dress'' boots, followed by loops of Mimic-hide leather around them, leaving my rope dart spikes dangling alongside the leather of her boots. She pressed the grips of my split sword-staff into my hands, then stepped back.


    "Know that I do this next not as an act of Worship, but one of ardor, love. Marie?" Saffron hissed, and then her hands reached around to lay against my ass, then run around and over my belly, breasts, and shoulders in asymmetrical strokes that left a warm dripping trail. I barely had the self control to hold myself rigidly still as the scent of her blood trickled into my nostrils. Then she reached up and lay three fingertips above each of my eyebrows, dragging them down, over my closed eyes, my cheeks, my lips, which she teased apart to shove all six fingers into my mouth and scrape them across my tongue before pulling them free and mashing them against my nostrils, filling my brain with blood and fire.


    She stepped back and said, "look upon me, wife."


    I could barely keep my eyes closed before; they snapped open and gazed upon my loves. Marie wore her Maid''s uniform, and Saffron Glowing Midnight, both as usual, but that''s where ''usual'' ended. Armored tiaras not unlike the Menace''s framed their faces. Marie''s ''breastplate'' covered little more than an open cup bra might, and Saffron''s was a boob plate with an absolutely pornographic level of detail that only Marie and I could possibly appreciate. Okay, Conrad and the Menace could confirm its faithful replication of what lay under it, but they certainly wouldn''t appreciate it on the visceral level Marie and I would. Armored skirts covered both their flanks, while simultaneously seeming to highlight the utter lack of meaningful armored coverage between them.


    "Conrad made those?"


    She chuckled, the sound low and rich, and Marie grinned behind her. "Yes."


    I drew a breath in through my nose, intending to, I dunno, compliment his work, or flirt with them, or some other shit. The scent of not just blood, but blood enthusiastically gifted and reeking of the women I loved and lusted after more than life filled my nostrils, my lungs, my brain. "Go." I growled.


    With a chuckling laugh, they both Translocated to the Air Shield box seat I''d left above the Green. They didn''t bounce around though. Saffron stood with her legs shoulder width apart, hands braced on one edge of one side of the box, Marie holding her there by folding her arms across Saffron''s shoulders. My brain lost yet another layer of coherence when I realized that Marie had braced herself by the simple expedient of adopting a straight up Jacko-pose from the waist down, each foot firmly planted in a corner of the box. Apparently fuckin'' Conrad had supplied her with heels and lifts too. Magnificent Bastard.


    "Jarl Diaz is now prepared. So long as no more than one of you is on the Green at a time, she will allow you to surrender once your Honor is satisfied, so long as you do it before she decides your death would be too pleasurable to resist. So, which of you is stupid enough to dare test her bloodlust first?"


    As I stood there, forcing myself to stillness, overloaded with power and frustration from over two solid days of absolutely deliberate spousal Worship and edging, Gregor called out, "Ericson? Destroy her."


    Mister Pict took that as a prompt to rip off his camelback, tear one end open with his teeth, and power-quaff the entire contents while screaming incoherently. The moment the camelback ran dry, he flung it away and, ignoring the gangplank entirely, took a running leap that carried him from the upper deck to a half dozen paces inside the green. The moment his feet touched grass, I launched myself at him. We met at the center of the green, my swordstaff spinning up to catch the haft of his axe, the edge hammering into my shoulder anyway. I fell with the force, my armored shoulder plate keeping the wicked edge of the axe from penetrating.


    Nothing prevented the heel of The Dress'' boot from penetrating right through Ericson''s ball sack, nor the sole mashing his erection against his belly in a completely un-fun looking way that nonetheless cranked my internal flywheel up to pure raw murderfuck levels. I slid along the ground, pushed by his axe as his screaming, if anything, only got angrier. My rage didn''t quiet at all either, although I took the opportunity to slash the shit out of his crotch as I slid under him.


    By the time I regained my feet, swordstaff spinning into action, he''d spun to face me, his axe a blur as he twirled something that had to weigh more than me like a goddamned baton. Over and over our weapons met, deflecting the edges away from landing a clean hit. Blood ran down his body, and lines of fire too fresh and hot to be Saffron''s ran down mine. Despite numerous hits from my blades, his Axe didn''t seem harmed, so I pushed short Mana blades out before we stepped into one another, blades whirling. I think I got a little surprised when the edge of his axe met my Mana Blade and didn''t boil away, but no moreso than he was when his Axe rebounded. Taking that split second, I brought my Mana Blade around toward where his hands gripped the axe handle. Fucker managed to get his fingers out of the way, but the axe handle itself sliced cleanly, and the business end of the thing flew away from us.


    In that same instant his fist crashed directly into my face, throwing me backward to tumble across the green. I stopped myself by stabbing my swordstaff into the ground, but before I got my feet planted another punch hammered me to the ground. I didn''t bother standing; I hammered his knees with punches and elbows, kicking him repeatedly in the inner thighs while he landed punch after punch into my head and shoulders. His knee gave first with an explosive crack that sent him tumbling to land on his other knee. I clambered up him, twisting one arm sideways and backwards while I got my legs locked around his head. He scrabbled at my calf with his free hand, and I threw my whole body into twisting his arm until, with three distinct crunching cracks, his wrist, his elbow, and his shoulder all broke and dislocated.


    He screamed and clutched my calf, his fingers sinking in, blood leaking out around them. I Mimicked his raging Strength and Endurance, put every ounce of my physical power into my thighs, and with a literally climactic splattery crunch collapsed his skull between my thighs. I lay there panting in the bloody mud, an unwilling yet not unwanted open mouthed grin spreading my mouth, and pointed at Saffron.


    "So, who''s next?" she called out.


    Languidly pushing myself upright, I turned to face the boat, only to catch a fuckin'' crossbow bolt in my right tit. "Ow."


    Svart didn''t bother to reload, he just dropped his very much not a ballista crossbow and ran forward, drawing and throwing each of his hand axes with a smooth, practiced motion. The first one hit my hip where The Dress'' skirt hung, and while the impact stung like a motherfucker, my general hip region remained stubbornly unpenetrated. Not only that, but the axe hung from my hip more or less like it had against his. Then his other axe took me in my armored shoulder, bruising it yet again, but ricocheting off to land somewhere in west bumblefuck. I turned and, while debating whether to de-penetrate my tit, grabbed up my swordstaff.


    Not a moment too soon; alerted by the squelch of a heavy boot on the grass, I spun around and barely caught his axe haft on my staff. Our weapons locked, and he braced his feet and bore down, trying to get the wicked edge of his axe blade close enough to cut me. For my part, I shifted my feet for a little better leverage, but otherwise stood there holding him off, trying to ignore the throbbing rod penetrating me. Okay, right about then the sickest part of the shit that passes for my brain reared up, and a bloody smile stretched across my face. "So, you''re the first guy to ever stick something into me. How''s it feel?"


    He ignored my leer and just shifted and pushed more. "Oh, c''mon. At least tell me where you got the crossbow. My wife needs to track some war profiteer down and execute them."


    Where my obvious fucked up flirtation didn''t work, that got a grunt of laughter out of him. "Why would I be telling you that, lass?"


    The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.


    I shrugged, and saw a moment of quickly squashed panic when he realized that I could shrug even with him trying to force my shoulders back. "When I murderfuck King Shitdick to death, which sounds exactly gross enough that I think I''m just gonna murder him instead, Norfolk will have semi-legal access to them, and that leak will all of a sudden be something you need to worry about."


    He sucked on his teeth for a second, locking his limbs in place and pushing even harder. "Well. You''ve got a point, but my lads and lasses did naught but their jobs."


    I frowned and moved to shift his axe to the side; as it slowly twisted, with him fighting for every tiny turn, I said, "dude, I got nothing against your people. Just the ones on our end, and if your guys fooled them, we''ll probably just put them to hard labor or some shit, since braining obviously isn''t their thing."


    Right about then his axe twisted far enough for me to break it free from his grip and fling it away from us. I lit the Mana Blades on my swordstaff and brought one down in a sweeping cut to take his arm off mid-bicep. Imagine my surprise when it deflected from his armor, leaving a weird hex pattern in the steel. "The fuck?" He stepped back, fists coming up, ready to fight me hand to hand. I reconfigured my Mana Blades into the long, thin, piercing lances I''d intended to puncture the tiny openings in the wyvern.


    "I yield!" he shouted, stepping back and throwing his hands up.


    "Coward!" screamed Gregor.


    "Fuck you, jackass! I''m disarmed, she''s not, and she''s a weapon that will go through my armor like fire through cotton. Also, fuck you, just for good measure." He turned back to look at where I''d paused, waiting to stick a Mana Blade through him, and said, "d''ye need to run me through, or can I just sit over yonder?" He nodded toward the edge of the Green where the bleachers had stood during the concert.


    "Nah. Go take a load off and enjoy the show."


    He took a step, then paused. "You need any help with that?" At my look of confusion, he nodded to my chest.


    I looked down to see the goddamned crossbow bolt still sticking out of me. "Nah." I shook my head. "Thinking of leaving it there as a fashion statement. Fuck your lazy nipple piercing, I''mma have a lung piercing."


    His eyes popped a little, but he backed off and headed for the sidelines.


    Just then chica gigante stepped out of the river onto the field. She''d armed herself with what looked like a pair of weaponized ski poles, or maybe like those pointy sticks guys on work release use to stab trash with. Right about then I realized I was, in fact, the trash she intended to stab. One long pole stabbed, the deceptively short spike at least as long as I was tall plunging into the ground as I sidestepped. I leapt onto the pole itself, dashing up it as she pulled it back, bringing the other pole around to smack me. My chest twinged a little, but next to the shit I''d gone through before now, it wasn''t anything I couldn''t ignore. Just before her other pole swept me off, I leapt, bringing my Mana Lance down in a full body stab aimed her center mass.


    Before you say anything else, I figured I could even out my body piercing disadvantage, judge her capacity for taking a hit, and maybe, if I got lucky, convince her to give up with one shot.


    Then my spear penetrated her patchwork leather about as well as cooked spaghetti would penetrate brick.


    Her patchwork, leather tied, above all scaly leather armor.


    I Translocated backward, landing most of the width of Green away from her. At that distance I realized that if she stood dead center, she''d be one long leap and lunge from skewering me no matter where on the Green I stood. Time to break out the supposedly witty banter. "Damn! Surprisingly useful fashion statement!"


    She growled out, "thanks," then came charging at me, slamming the point of her pokey stick at me as I Translocated behind her and took a desultory swing at her Achilles tendon. Her scaly boots meant that she took no damage other than a bit of a stumble and some scored scales where the actual blade of my swordstaff had sliced the outer leather to show the big, heavy scales beneath. "It has pockets."


    "Really? Holy shit, that''s awesome! The Dress is awesomesauce wrapped in hot sex, but I practically have to stuff stuff up my cooch if I don''t wanna carry it in my hands."


    "So, easy access, then?" she queried as her other poky stick thrust down. I Translocated behind her and slashed at her back; no joy there either, although again the leather split, revealing the Dragon scales beneath.


    As I danced around her dodging pokey sticks, I called out, "Ouch. I mean, yeah, but why you gotta go there? Do you have some kinda skin in this game I''m unaware of? While we''re at it, I''m guessing you know I''m Jarl Tabitha Diaz, High Priestess and Champion of Loki, all that good shit, but who the fuck are you?"


    Without pausing for breath, which I realized might be a problem what with my unintentional fashion statement, she replied, "I am Olga, daughter of Skasn. You killed my brother."


    "Prepare to die? Sorry, sorry, that was uncalled for."


    "As father says, he brought it on himself when he wouldn''t surrender. I''m not so much aiming to kill you as aiming to hurt you bad enough to make you quit, but I won''t be really broken up if I do happen to crush your head or something equally useless yet critical."


    I hopped up to her shoulder and slashed at her face, but she jerked away. She got a cauterized slash through her earlobe, I wound up having to Translocate and roll. "I dunno, I''m still sensing some real hostility there. You two weren''t, like, closer than sibs ought to have been, were you? Not judging, only really am, but totally not, really."


    She snorted, thankfully without spraying snot all over the place, just an expression of disgust at my ongoing patter. "Hardly. My baby daddy," my brain translated that from god-knows-what, and the momentary oddity stopped me enough that she caught me on the backswing of her next stab, knocking me head over heels. "would object, I think." More stabbing, more dodging, and my chest burned just a little bit. Leaked a little too, I think, but that might have been sweat. "I would like to know what you''ve done with my son William."


    I shook my head as I danced away from her. "Uh, Willy? No clue, Olga. Seriously, the only Willy I know isn''t yours. Even if you''re the first woman I''ve met who defines ''statuesque'' better than his mom. I mean, she''s pushing eight feet, but I think each of your tits does that, easy."


    She shook her head, her next poke a feint, her foot coming down where I''d Translocated an instant after I rolled away. "How can you say you know him not? We fight upon his green!"


    I leapt as far from her as I could, mouth agape. "Seriously?"


    She paused her own self. "Why would I lie?"


    "Your son is Big Jarl Johnson?"


    "He is my precious baby boy and I will not have anyone, woman or man, doing him ill."


    I coughed, and I''m pretty sure most of it wasn''t the bolt through my chest. "Uh... speaking of doing and ill..."


    She growled, words rumbling through the ground. "If you claim your Maenad found him insufficient..."


    I slung my swordstave, waving both hands in negation. "NO! No, no, no, no! He''s, ah, presently, like right at this moment," I stepped right beside her ear and, unamplified, stage whispered, "fucking my mom."


    I stepped back to my previous position as she stood there looking more than a little stunned. "That... seems backwards."


    "I know, right?" I paused. "Okay, I know this is indelicate as fuck and shit, but... I gotta ask. His dad?" She pointed down and to her right. Right at fuckin'' Svart. I lost it, dropping to the ground, clutching my sides and laughing.


    She charged, her pokey stick pulling back. On her second step, I Co-Located around her feet, rope darts flying, darts sliding through bone hoops, weaving themselves together and through her boots. All of me grabbed the one dangling end and pulled. I''d intended to do this to Olaf, but he was just too big and, not to make to much of a point of it, stinky. Besides, Saffron say ''conquer, no kill'', so I conquer, no kill. She toppled forward, going completely airborne as she tripped while sprinting. She faceplanted, toppled forward, and her ass landed well outside the Green.


    "Just in case you get ideas about arguing shoulders and shit." One of me Translocated next to Svart, put an arm around him, and said, "enjoy the show!" before all of me swarmed her. As she dragged herself back onto the green and pushed herself back to standing, my swordstaves spun like rotary blades. No Mana Blades, just Smith forged steel slicing apart each and every wyvern leather thong holding her armor together. Bit by bit it fell away, until by the time she got back to her feet she stood there in her smallclothes and the few Dragon hides that had stuck to her skin from sweat or whatever. She looked down, and I tried not to think about how much blood must have been involved in making her blush from scalp to tits.


    I collapsed into one of me, facing her from half a green away. I held my swordstaff behind me horizontally, then extended one massive Mana Blade from each end, either one big enough to decapitate her with a swing. Before I could open my mouth, she threw one arm across her chest, one hand over her crotch, and squeaked out, "I yield!"


    I nodded, then stood there catching my breath as she strode off the field, dropped into a crouched tailor''s seat, then reached out to scoop up Svart and dump him in her lap like an armored plushie. "WOMAN! I have told you before! I am not a toy!"


    "Shut up and let me pretend to have some dignity, please?" she muttered, and if he crossed his arms and looked grumpy, he also shifted to pretty much block any view of her crotch.


    No idea what had her panties twisted. Not like I had any to twist, with Saffron just putting my cooch on display for all an sundry to gawk at. I will not comment on exactly how thrilling I found the idea of all and especially sundry gawking with poorly restrained intent. Sundry''s kinda hot. I think at some point in the past few minutes I''d shed, at least temporarily, the thought that anybody at fucking all would actually get access without me allowing it.


    Right about then the world exploded in blinding light and deafening thunder. I shuddered, my back arching, my arms flung back, as somebody poured more juice into me than the heavens themselves had during our performance of Thunderstruck. Smoke and pork filled my nostrils, and I forced myself to shape a tiny oblong Filtration ward around the burning bolt through me. The lightning stopped, and I slid backward off of the brilliantly glowing shit inside the Ward. Fortunately, I thought shit had cauterized. Unfortunately, I now had a hole big enough to fit a Menace arm through me. Maybe a Saffron arm if we lubed it up real good. I tried really hard to not think about how much lube was freely available as I pushed myself to my feet and looked back toward the river.


    Weyson stood there, hands in front of him in a pose I''d seen Mages use. "Surrender now, Jarl Diaz. You cannot win."


    Somehow his words didn''t match his absolute disinterested deadpan. I picked up my swordstaff and, maybe limping the slightest bit from the pernicious hint in my holey chest, walked toward him.


    "Surrender. Now. Jarl. Diaz," he continued, punctuating each word with a Fire Bolt big enough to vaporize my head. At some point the pissed off point had tipped, and I batted them each aside with my blades, advancing at a slow, deliberate walk. "King. Gregor. Will. Defeat. You."


    Something didn''t jive, and I couldn''t tell if it was Weyson doing some shady sneaky shit or if he just hated Gregor enough to throw the fight. Then again, it could be both. "Uh, have you been paying attention so far?"


    "It. Matters. Not." The closer I got, the less time I had to block his fuckin'' Fire Bolts, but he wasn''t really varying them up much. "The. Longer. He. Fights. The. Stronger. He. Becomes."


    I split my staff just to give me two swipes at any given Fire Bolt. "So I kill him fast then. No problem."


    Weyson smiled sadly and shook his head. "He''s. Been. Fighting. Since. Ericson. Charged."


    I actually stopped walking at that point, blocking his Fire Bolts with desultory disdain. "Motherfucker."


    I almost missed a block, the Fire Bolt passed close enough to sear my unarmored shoulder, the pissed off flowed, and I charged. I extended Mana Blades as I raced at him, sidestepping when he tried to Fire Bolt me. I leapt, brought them down straight at his head...


    ...and faceplanted into a Filtration Ward a moment after they bounced off. He stood there watching as I slid down the frictionless outside of the Ward, groaning out, "motherfucker." What, I''d already fought three of these five fuckers, if my mouth decided to channel the spirit of Samuel L, I sure as fuck wasn''t gonna stop it. Some part of my brain wondered at the lack of squeaking sound until my feet hit the ground and I stepped back, shaking my head to clear it, wondering at the lack of Fire Bolts. Weyson stood there, his formerly pristine robes sweat soaked, his hair plastered to his head, bent over, panting with his hands on his knees.


    I poked his Ward with my Mana Blade. No joy. I dismissed the Mana Blade and waved it forward, then threw it at him. It bounced off another Ward inside the outer ones. I closed my eyes, sighed, then remembered something. I stepped back to the middle of the Green and grabbed up Svart''s discarded hand axe.


    "I... yield..." he panted out, barely able to speak. "Help?"


    I laughed as I used the axe to cut him out of his bubbles. Of course, the moment I cut the last one I grabbed his robe and stepped him to the side of the Green, shoving him outside as Gregor lumbered through the spot we''d been in. The fucker reminded me of nothing so much as the goddamned Juggernaut, leaving huge stomped footprints in the dirt. I stepped behind him, bringing my swordstaff down onto his shoulder, the strongest cut I could make.


    It bounced. Okay, it left a tiny scratch, but no way did I have enough go left to put enough scratches like that in him to get through his armor, let alone kill him.


    Then he spun, faster than I thought possible for a guy in armor that heavy, and backhanded me. I swallowed a tooth as I flew backward toward the edge of the Green. I wound up having to Translocate before I left the Green. Twice. Eventually I tumbled to a stop, only to see him stomping toward me a moment later. I extended one of my long, pointy Mana Blades and charged him, aiming at the notional slit at the front of his helm. When I hit it tore the swordstaff from my grasp; I slid forward until I could look right in through the slit to see nothing but more Cold Iron. No idea how the fucker was tracking me. Probably sound. Maybe mirrors. Fuck if I know, but he grabbed me around the waist and squeezed.


    Desperate for any kind of edge, I tried to think of anything. I grabbed his helmet with one hand and punched him over and over and over in his armored head as he squeezed me. "Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep!" He pulled me closer, and when my tits squashed up against his faceplate I screamed as my skin sizzled. His eye slit might not be white hot or anything, but it definitely had enough heat to burn my bare titties. Further enraged, I hammered his head faster and faster until all I could hear was the constant reverberating ring. It must have pissed him off, because he roared, reared back, and headbutted me.


    The headbutt broke another tooth and flung me backwards out of his arms to tumble to a stop in the dirt. When I looked up, he trudged toward me. Not sprinted, or ran, or even walked, but just trudged. Scrabbling for stories, I sprinted toward him, and when he raised one fist to swing at me, I dropped to slide right between his legs. "This is where you fall down." My fist hammered up right into his armored taint, hitting him hard enough to pick him off the ground by like six inches.


    He groaned again, then tried to stomp on me. I rolled free, but he punted me like a soccer ball. I wound up having to translocate three times this time, and wound up lying next to the end of the gangplank as he trudged toward me. At least the slow as fuck asshole gave me plenty of time. I just needed something stronger. Stronger attack, stronger story, something. A gust of wind blew past, reigniting the feeling of fire on my nips in a screamingly unpleasant way. The pieces fell into place, but I had one concern.


    Hey Boss?


    Yes, Daughter?


    Is it against the rules to steal another Trickster''s Story? Or, y''know, borrow it? Or even a tiny piece of it?


    You ask about rules and Tricksters in the same breath?


    Okay, yeah, true, but... professional courtesy?


    We do have that, to some degree. It is why we are, when all else fails, the way Pantheons communicate with one another.


    Okay then. I''m a little busy, but could you let Sun Wukong know I''ll pay him back?


    As you wish, Tabitha Diaz.


    Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    Gregor almost upon me, I stepped to the far end of the Green. I set my feet, twisted my waist half away from him, and bunched my hands together at my waist, palms out. "Kah!"


    He turned immediately and trudged toward me. I drew Mana, sucked it into me greedily, as much and as fast as I could standing in the Mortal Realm. My hands ached as they glowed. "May!"


    Gregor was a quarter of the way across the green. Power seeped up through my arms, tore at my scars old and new, flooding through me, burning me from the inside out. I never stopped screaming. "Hah!"


    Gregor was halfway across the Green. My scars stood out as blackened lines across my burning, glowing skin. The ground under me rumbled, a glowing river forcing itself up over my feet; The Dress'' boots glowed as brightly as my skin. "May!"


    Gregor was three quarters of the way across the Green. The Mana tried to tear me apart at my seams, at my scars, when suddenly the Dress soaked up the worst of the excess; it glowed as white as my skin, my hair, the power around me. "Hah!"


    Right before he reached me, I spun, extending a quarter-inch wide Mana Blade straight at the middle of his face, pouring every bit of Mana I''d soaked up, every bit I pulled from the Ley Line I''d yanked from underground, every bit the Dress held onto for me, into that one tiny Blade.


    The moment it touched his faceplate he froze, as if he''d just walked forehead first into a wall. His forehead glowed faint red, then yellow, then white hot. A moment later it punched through entirely, and all the energy in the Mana Blade poured into that tiny hole. A moment later it blew through the back of his helmet, and a wave of steam and assorted vaporized fat blasted out of every tiny opening in his armor. I hopped out of the way to avoid his collapsing corpse, stepped to the middle of the Green, glanced at the three me-fight-survivors, then looked across the river at the villagers and visitors who''d collected there to watch.


    "Okay, everybody." I growled, amplifying my voice to be heard across the river. "That''s it. I win. All Gregor''s shit is now officially, legally, mine. For now, so long as nobody gets dead or injured or robbed or raped or anything else that would piss me off, you guys can do whatever the fuck you like until I''m ready to sort shit out properly."


    People in the village started hopping around, miming ''the wicked witch is dead'' pretty fuckin'' clearly. A moment later their cheers reached me. "Right at the moment, though?" I waited until they all got quiet before leering straight up and learning that Marie, Saffron and I had worn matching panties today.


    "I''m late for brunch."

 Day Three Hundred And Fourteen

    Dear Diary,


    Sometimes the hardest part about being an adult is recognizing the flaws in the morals you were taught as a kid while simultaneously acknowledging that morals can be important, and being careful to distinguish between fucked up morals that only support entrenched exploiters and morals that had a real reason, but got fucked up over time.


    Yeah, I''m in a pondery mood. Gotta say, that whole ''armored antics'' thing? Hits different when somebody with skill and intent made the armor in question. I mean, shit, not like any of us are used to wearing any armor except the shit the Academy apparently sneaks into our jackets. Which explains exactly why they''re so fuckin'' refractory in terms of ways they''re not intended to move. Makes sense they weigh more than you''d expect too. Really kind of surprised they don''t go ''clink'' or shit when you drop them on the ground, but I''m guessing the whole ''multiple layers of super refractory fabric'' sandwiching the non-fabric parts stops that too.


    Just gonna put it out there, for an apparently AroAce dude, Conrad has an incredible eye for clothing and accoutrements to light groins on fire on sight. Between that, three odd days of Saffron and Marie deliberately winding me up, and our mutual reaction to me wrecking shit on the ''field of Honor'', it wasn''t even armored antics. That shit straight got elevated straight past antics, shenanigans, even tomfoolery, and wound up leaping straight up to escapades. I''m pretty sure either the Library walls are soundproofed, which would make sense, or everyone in bordering rooms just likes that soundtrack as background noise for studying.


    Wait, wait, wait. I absolutely wasn''t into Saffron accidentally nailing my lady bits with a Stabilize in the ring, but adored Marie going full on super sadist in the Infirmary. Armored solo Antics were boring, but I am both narcissistic enough to have gotten my romp on with Saffron Mimicking me and armored Saffron for brunch turned into Epic Mealtime. Holy shit, I''m apparently some kind of shenanigan elitist. A nookie connoisseur. A bang gourmet.


    I think I need to go sit down a bit or some shit, because the idea that I have Standards is absolutely shaking the foundations of my world more than me being, y''know, the moral compass of my fucked up little family.


    For what it''s worth, the armor didn''t come off until some time before dinner. The most disturbing thing to me about our extended shenanigans though, wasn''t anything about the armor or clothing or any shit like that. Frankly all of that is under the sheets vanilla missionary kinda tame compared to the shit Marie and apparently I are into. Pride of place for that went to Marie licking me clean some time after round two. I really don''t quite remember details other than, well...


    "Uh... Saffron?"


    "Mmm hmm?"


    "What''re you doing?"


    "Hmm..." followed by a snicker from both of them.


    "Guys... guys? Guys!"


    I don''t remember anything in any kind of detail after that, but somehow Saffron assisting with ingestion of miscellaneous body bits weirded me out way more than Marie doing so. Maybe it''s the whole ''upright tiger'' part of things? Maybe some part of me remembered that the first blood I got on me yesterday was, in fact, my beloved Kitten using her own precious bodily fluid as body paint? I know I felt some kinda way, but I also know that afterward, when my brain got as coherent as it ever is, her only response was, "you kept calling for guys, and there were no guys in the room."


    Of course, if yesterday did anything really well, it was getting us back on a daytime schedule, because we all stumbled down to the Academy Dining Hall in uniform, smiling and goofy. The other Cadets didn''t seem to mind, exactly, although a couple of them pointed and laughed when we started feeding Marie when she came by with more food. I had a serious moment of dissonance there, too. Not because I like being the target of somebody else''s humor or anything. Weird, being so totally down with subbing down to complete Agency surrender, yet not having anything really resembling a humiliation kink, but whatever. No, I got weirded because I realized I was having too much fun and enjoying myself too much to care all that much about what some Freshman Cadet thought about it.


    I mean, not so much that I didn''t Co-Locate in between them an dropped an arm over each of their shoulders. "Hey, guys. Having a good time?"


    One of them froze. The other, who I realized had a weird orange and blue nametag, tried to shrug me off. Then tried again. By the third time when I let him go he stumbled, slipped, and sat his ass down right on his own tray of food. "The fuck are you?"


    He had a bit of a weird accent, but his buddy sounded pure Philly. "Shut up, Shut Up, SHUT UP!" he hissed out.


    I squeezed him just a little, a friendly bro hug, and said, "no, no, I want to see where this goes. Where are you from?"


    "New Amsterdam. Where, apparently, we know the difference between servants and peers."


    Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.


    His friend choked on air, wheezing out something that sounded a lot like, "you dumb shit."


    I turned to the smart one of the pair. "Didn''t I see you laughing right along with him?"


    "Peer pressure?" He looked up at me hopefully.


    "Oh! I know this one! Do you know what the technical definition of peer pressure is?" His eyes got wide as he shook his head, once. "That''s where I see how much pressure you can survive when I drop you under a pier."


    His eyes slid closed. "Sorry."


    I gave him another side bro hug. "Hey, no worries. It starts with sorry, right? Everybody fucks up. I sure fuckin'' do. All the goddamned time, it seems. But you recognize your mistakes, you apologize to anybody you hurt, you learn better, and you move on. Right?"


    "Absolutely, ma''am."


    "Now, I''m gonna save you from another big, big mistake before you make it. Okay?"


    "Yes, ma''am."


    I looked him straight in the eye to make sure he was listening rather than just cowering in fear. "Okay, then. Here goes. If you see somebody in the same uniform as you here? Even if they''ve got a weird nametag?"


    "Yes?"


    "They got in, same as you. So if you''re smarter than them? They''re probably stronger than you. If you''re stronger than them? They''re probably smarter than you. If you''re smarter and stronger and faster and just all around better than them?"


    He looked a little confused, but said, "Yes, ma''am?"


    "They still made it in, which means they''ve got something. Maybe some talent that will help raise your life from a scrabble for survival into a life of joy, surrounded by beauty. Maybe the courage to step in front of you and take the hit that would end you. Maybe the sheer crazy optimism that will change your entire way of looking at the world. And even if they''ve got none of that, if after every generous assessment you can make of them, you still objectively see that in each and every way they''re a lesser version of you?"


    "Yeah?" I knew I had him now. WTF Tabitha in full effect on his face.


    "At that point? It''s your job as the stronger of the two of you to protect them. Like fuckin'' Heroes do. Got it?"


    At this point blue and orange dipshit managed to stand back up, although my forearm still lay over his shoulder. "I ask again, who the fuck are you to try and tell me that I shouldn''t treat servants as servants?"


    With a gentle downward pressure I sat the smarter of the pair back in his seat, then took the other Cadet, ''Prellwitz'' by his nametag, under my arm and guided him back over to the ROTC table. "Oh, no, you shouldn''t respect her because I told you to. Marie!"


    Marie set a tray down in front of the me at the table, then stepped directly over to stand in front of us. Prellwitz'' brow furrowed when he saw me obviously sitting over there, but I nudged him. "Cadet Prellwitz, may I introduce Maenad Marie, Phileo City Heroic Academy Head Maid, and holy shit does she deserve that title, as well as Champion of Dionysus. Could you give Cadet Prellwitz a smile, sweetie?"


    A broad smile stretched across her face, showing off a mouth full of fangs designed to rip and tear. Then she up and curtsied to the Cadet. Real low, like, bowed head, knees to the floor kind of thing. Which let me look right down her cleavage, so I decided to be merciful. "Thanks, hot stuff." A tiny blush showed up through her fur right under her eyes. I turned to Prellwitz and said, "During the recent fracas with Calverton, Ares sent eight High Priests in Cold Iron plate to stop me. Something about him being pissed off about me not murdering the fuck out of another of his High Priests."


    "Wait... are you?"


    "So instead of being stupid and going after the hit squad sent to hit me, I asked Murder Mittens here for help." Omigod watching her blush! So cute! "I think it took you what, sixty seconds to turn all eight of them into a pile of assorted body parts?" She shrugged. I swear I heard a subsonic giggle. "Now Marie here is special, no doubt. My absolute favorite. But I''m betting any other four maids could have done the same thing, right Marie?"


    She shrugged. "Six."


    I nodded. "Okay, honey. You''re the expert." I turned to Prellwitz. "Now, you know the important takeaway from that?" His head jerked. "She is, in fact, the expert. I''ve got a lot of talent for, as Marshall duBois says, ''wrecking shit''. But her? She''s got over four hundred years of experience dedicated to taking shit apart and putting it back together again, usually in tasty or comfy ways. Understand?"


    "Who the fuck are you?"


    I stepped back, threw one arm around Marie''s waist to lean into her, popped The Dress on, and held out a hand. "Tabitha Diaz. Good to meet you!"


    He squeaked, froze, and toppled over onto the floor. A moment later duBois stood there, hands on his hips, shaking his head. "Are you breaking my transfer Cadets now, Diaz?"


    "Oh, no, sir! Just introducing him to Maid Marie, maybe explaining some of our Phileo social norms, sir!"


    He chuckled, reached down, and lifted Prellwitz to dangle. "Damn. Kinda hoped I wouldn''t have to deal with him tomorrow. You mind coming down and helping out with PT?"


    I sighed. "I''m really trying to cool down from dealing with Norfolk, sir. But since I''ve still got political crap to do down there, I''m guessing I need to start the whole ''physical cooldown'' now, so sure."


    "I''ll see you there." He walked off, towing Prellwitz. "C''mon, Cadet, let''s get you to the infirmary."


    So after a nice dinner I slept through the night, enjoying late night chibi Chef snacks. No shrimp, I''m guessing due to it being night, but my chibi Chefs started doing fancy flips and shit during their auto-yeeting. Dinner and a show!


    Spent Saturday in the Practice Yard. Brought Saffron and Menace along, because I hadn''t spent much Menace time lately, and watching Saffron exercise? Always high on my list. He had us help teach the new crop of Cadets how to lead somebody taller than you, or follow somebody shorter. Kinda weird, especially with having to watch my strength so much. I mean, I didn''t accidentally hurt anybody. If anything, crushing Ericson''s overengineered skull between my thighs was an excellent object lesson on how physically strong I''d gotten with my Mimicking shenanigans. But at one point Prellwitz hurt himself on me when I moved just the way a lead is supposed to and he... didn''t follow.


    I was nice enough to personally Heal him before he even finished wetting his damn pants.


    Y''know, I''m gonna get really pissed if I finally decide to get me some cock and find out that along with making babies shit themselves I''ve now got the mystical power to make boys piss themselves.


    Might help sort the men from the boys, though.

 Day Three Hundred And Fifteen

    Dear Diary,


    It''s weird, getting back to school, to the Academy where everybody looks on me not as some kind of rampaging murder beast, but just, y''know, a Hero among Heroes and Marshall duBois'' chosen successor in the field of shit-kickery.


    Seriously, other than Prellwitz, who is from New Amsterdam, where there are like, cults worshipping me and shit, pretty much everybody else in the Academy just treats me as Tabitha. Y''know, ''don''t spar with her unless you have some weird fetishes about being a pretzel, and be sure you get your food before she starts eating, but otherwise just a dorky clown''. That first bit might eventually cause me some troubles. I know I can''t legitimately get Skills, but I still feel like I benefit from practice. Like, I''ve gotten pretty good at thinking fast, so if I''ve practiced shit enough, I can make it happen. I don''t know how I got the fast thinking thing, but my best guess is it had something to do with rubbing my head against Saffron''s until some brains moved over due to diffusion or some shit.


    Probably the delinquent ones who cut brain cell school and got isekaied into my skull. I said fast, not good.


    Oh, shit, I wonder if that applies to antics? Like, yeah, I''m fast and shit, I get that. Although I''mma state right here and now that I prefer ''decisive''. I see Teh Hawt, I decide to rub it all over me or vice versa. But I''m really hoping that I''m not fooling myself about the mutual satisfaction with our antics. Okay, back early on Marie made it pretty clear she felt okay with things, what with purring so loud it shook the fuckin'' walls, but things have changed. Yeah, I''m a really responsive durable toy for her, which is fine if I''m just, y''know, yet another in a long line of playthings, but now the M word is involved. She''s got to be thinking long term. What with the general lack of mortality in the family, really long term. Priorities change when situations get altered that much, y''know?


    I know that I''m more than just a bed toy to Saffron and Marie both, but... am I? Really, what else do I bring to the relationship? Saffron''s clearly the brains of the outfit. She makes the plans, designs the gear, makes everybody look cooler, and pays for everything. Marie. Oh, god, Marie slots into the ''housewife'' role so hard it''s like she''s got neodymium magnets in her ass. Cooking. Cleaning. Sewing. ''Wifely duties''. Fuck, if you just put a recolor on her she''d slip without a splash into a PTA meeting from the sixties and shit.


    Okay, sidebar, my perceptions have definitely shifted since I got here. I recall the first time I saw her I thought Marie ought to be pegging every danger meter I had. Heh. Pegging. Wonder if... no, how often Marie''s done that with D, or anybody else? Anyway, a big part of that is, well, wet cat. Big parts of her fur go translucent or transparent when wet, just leaving a kind of greasy looking layer with weird spiky bits everywhere. Without the fur puffed properly, her uniform doesn''t quite lie right either. It also shows off exactly how inhuman her physique is. Like, I''m not sure there''s much other than bone, thin corded muscle, and translucent skin on most of her. I can''t see bones anywhere, but without her fur she''s got this look that says they''re just barely hidden, y''know? Of course, once she got herself dried off and cleaned up, which apparently wasn''t a priority with Aquarium S&R to do, her creepy really came from the combination of inhuman flexibility and raw intensity. If Marie does something, she does it hard. Cooking, Sewing, Fucking, Fighting, all of it straight up balls to the wall, nothing held back, even if she does manage to keep her whole hypercontrolled super Maid thing going on unless she''s fighting. That kind of intensity was more than a little intimidating.


    But over time, I stopped seeing the weird. The digitigrade legs. The tail. The creepy fur matting and near skeletal look she gets when she''s wet. The way she does not move like a human, like, at all. The mouth full of fangs. The ears. Honestly, I think my own weird elf-ears had me so jacked up about ears that her cat ears seemed, I dunno, normal. But all of that just gradually got overshadowed by her being... Marie. Yeah, okay, between the Arse Priests and some of her more enthusiastic and dictatorial bedroom events, she probably deserves an address in the Uncanny Valley. Like, a rainy season home, at least, because looking at Marie and having your gonads go trying to clutch your kidneys for something to hide behind is just good common sense. But when I think of Marie? I don''t really think of any of that first. Oh, if I''m in a fight I''m gonna damn sure want her watching my back or my wife and kid. If we''re in the bedroom that perpetual looming threat of getting Marie''d at her most Marie is like a Carolina Reaper hiding at the bottom of a really big pot of stew. You always know it''s there, waiting, and it definitely kicks the whole damn thing up a notch, even the tamest potato stuff.


    Don''t get me wrong, potatoes are awesome, even by themselves, but they really shine when you lube ''em up with butter, make ''em a little salty, smash them, and or throw them in boiling oil. And now I''m really not sure if I want to follow that potato sex metaphor any further. Which is, again, Marie in the bedroom in a nutshell.


    But when I think about Marie? The first thing I think about is cuddling. Playing toddler games with Menace, which I''m desperately afraid she''s gonna outgrow any day now, which will be sad. Lying there, not a single thought between us, just silently, motionlessly reveling in each other''s presence. Reveling in it literally, maybe even.


    All that stuff sort of meandered through my head overnight, because really weird somehow savory mouth feel of Marie hair aside, and I''m specifically referring to her long, straight, platinum hair rather than her fur here, being the object of nocturnal worship isn''t intellectually stimulating. And now I can''t believe I said that with my own mouth.


    Slid my eyes open to find the whole fam snuggled up on our bed. I''m sure I lay down with Saffron in between Marie and I, but somehow overnight I''d wound up in the middle, with Menace sprawled face down on top of me, limbs dangling off my sides, snoring prettily. I lay there and vibed for a while before eventually whispering, "anybody awake?"


    "No." Marie''s lips barely moved when she said it, but a moment later they twitched when I smiled at her. Right about then Marie and I both got to watch simultaneous Saffron and Isnomi boot ups. Twitch. Nose wrinkle. Brow furrow. Sniff the air. Mlem. Taste test the air. Then, finally, in complete sync, both of them slid their eyes open.


    "Mama!"


    "Good Morning, love. Did you sleep well?"


    "Oh, yeah." I grinned. "I think I''m still recovering from Friday."


    "The combat? Or the celebrations of your victory?"


    "Celebrations? I thought those were rewards?"


    She chuckled, "oh, I think they can count for both."


    I pouted up at her as Menace climbed up onto Marie to loom over me. "But I wanted both. Separate. No combo gifts."


    "You are a greedy little Goof, aren''t you?"


    "Excuse me, Kitten, who are you calling little again?"


    She rolled her eyes, "Okay, you are an enormous greedy Goof."


    I smiled. "Yay! And?"


    "Do you really think any of us need an excuse?"


    I put on my best ''voice of wisdom'' face and said, "it makes it even better."


    I even managed to maintain my straight face when Marie said, "Yes."


    "Ma siwwy. Mama siwwy. Mawa siwwy. Aww siwwy." After making her pronouncements from on high, Menace giggled, went fluffy, and tumbled face first down onto me. Adorable, and yet somehow the sudden screaming pain did not allow me to appreciate it. Yeah, Menace re-earned her name with her unerring ability to ram herself directly into my most recent major injury.


    "Wait, does that still hurt, love?"


    I clutched at my side, trying really hard not to snap at Saffron or Isnomi. "Yeah. Menace is getting some heft to her."


    The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    "Tabitha Diaz, you will tell me right now exactly why you didn''t tell us sooner. It''s been nearly two days since you took that wound. Not to mention... ah..." she glanced at Isnomi. After watching her disgruntled exodus of the room when she figured out shenanigans were imminent, none of us really hid the idea of sex from her, but we generally didn''t go into any kind of detail. "I''m sure you insisted on testing if my hand fit through there."


    I chuckled, buoyed by the memory despite the pain. "Endorphins are a hell of a drug. Also, some things you just gotta do. For posterity if nothing else." As I forced myself not to bat curious Menace hands away from my through and through, instead gently taking her wrists and pulling her away, I chuckled out, "heh. Elbow." Then I looked Menace in the eye and said, "I''m sorry, Menace, but that really hurts right now. Maybe once it''s all scarred over and numb or shit I''ll let you poke at it..."


    "No you will not, Goof. Everyone, time to get dressed. Marie? Could you arrange a reasonable amount of broth for our endearingly dimwitted champion?"


    "Hey, I want eggs!"


    "I have no real idea how your digestion works, but I am not risking this wound having penetrated it. If you overflow with broth, that will be much easier to bring up than eggs."


    "Okay. Fine." I pouted, but fuck it, I hurt. Marie had already dressed herself and had Menace half ready. Saffron swung out of bed and dressed herself with maximum efficiency. I pouted more and insta-dressed myself in my Cadet uniform. I refused to let myself be mollified by Marie princess carrying me down to the Dining Hall. Or spoon feeding me broth.


    Okay, I think we all know I was absolutely mollified. Hyper-mollied, even. But I sure as hell wasn''t gonna admit it, especially since Menace found it funny, Saffron found it funny, and Marie was having the time of her life pampering me.


    When we got up to class, the Doctors and Sister Siobhan stood there talking, but stopped and gave us looks when Marie carried me in. "Is everything okay, Tabitha?" Doc Zeccardi asked as he scooped up Isnomi.


    "Mama hurt herself."


    Of course she puts the Hell of Teeth away to talk to Doc Z. "I did not. Somebody shot me. With a fuckin'' crossbow."


    Before anyone else could comment, Saffron said, "one of Norfolk''s Champions had one. Investigations are underway even now."


    Doc Z nodded. "How long ago was she injured?"


    "Two days ago."


    Doc Z sucked his teeth a little. "That''s... not good. Was any first aid applied?"


    I shrugged. "One of the other motherfuckers used the bolt as the contact point for a big assed bolt of lightning. I think that cauterized the area."


    He winced. "Oh, that''s not good. I mean, it likely kept you from bleeding out, but burn scars are some of the hardest things to Heal. Can we take a look at it?"


    The others pushed a few tables together as other students wandered in. When Hero Davis arrived, he took over moving the furniture around so everybody could get a good look. Right about then, as Marie gently lay me on the table right between Sister Siobhan and Doc Z, Saffron banished my jacket and blouse. Siobhan went beet red so fast I thought she might fall over.


    Really, Kitten?


    If she gets to look, I get to watch her looking. Besides, she''s a professional.


    She really was; after her initial swallowed eep of embarrassment over having to swallow her reaction to Sudden Tabitha Titties, her expression shifted through concern into horror. "How big was that crossbow bolt?"


    "Hey, you don''t expect me to let something small penetrate me, do you?" She frowned down at me, clearly unimpressed by my bullshit at the moment. "Sorry, sorry. Hurts like a bitch and humor is my preferred not violent way of lashing out. When Weyson hit it with that bolt of lightning, it melted. Before it could, y''know, become one with my hips or some shit I put a quick and dirty Filtration Ward around it, and I think that pulled a bunch of me out when I slid off it."


    For some reason that got a big wince out of everybody except Cadet Smith, who looked a little impressed and gave me a nod of respect, and Hero Davis, who smiled and gave me a little thumbs up. The teaching team gathered around, gently poking at the wound. Doc DeLeon called out "Everyone come take a look at this. I''ve not heard of someone using a Filtration Ward to excise damaged tissue before, probably because it would be extremely painful, but I can see where it might be useful in certain situations."


    Grunting though the pain of being poked at, I said, "like, uh, debriding a wound?"


    Doc Z nodded, "exactly! For a normal patient I think we''d have to strap them down or put them under, but being able to selectively remove only dead tissue will be extremely useful. Well done, Tabitha!"


    "Yay. Go me." If my cheering was a little weak, I blame the class cycling through and poking at my wound. I mean, I get it, to recognize shit you''ve got to know what it looks like, feels like, even smells like, because Davis and then Karen both bent down to sniff at it.


    "No rot. Something else?" I just grinned at Davis, even if I might have blushed a little until he figured it out and laughed. "Okay, yeah, no rot, just... sweat."


    Once everybody had a chance to poke at it, I asked, "so, can you guys fix it?"


    Doc Z shook his head. "Maybe if the wound were fresh, but between the cauterization and two days of healing, about all we can do at this point is help it heal to the point where it''s not actively sore to the touch. Given where it''s at, I''m surprised you''re not having problems breathing."


    I thought about it a second. "I think I kinda am." At the confused looks, I explained, "double digit Endurance." Everybody seemed to have a ''that tracks'' acceptance to that, although Siobhan blushed again. "Uh... if you Heal somebody, it can fill in missing tissue, right?"


    "That''s not the issue here, although the amount of Mana needed to replace that much tissue would be more than any one of us could do. The problem is the dead tissue, which has begun to form scar tissue already. Double digit Endurance indeed."


    I took a deep breath, felt the hitch, and let it out. "Is there a way for you all to team up on it? Like, pool your Mana?"


    Docs Glass and Z shook their heads, but before they could reply Doc DeLeon said, "yes..." When everyone turned to him, he said, "I''m familiar with the theory, something Doctor Roberts and I worked on while he attempted to recreate Tabitha''s Mana Blade spell. He''s better at it than I am. I suspect that with the entire class working together we would have the Mana to close the wound, if the scar tissue weren''t in the way."


    I looked up at my Murder Mittens. She met my eye and, after a moment of wordless commune, nodded. "Do it."


    Without waiting for me to lose my nerve, she pinned my waist down with one big hand, then proceeded to use one claw to slice away the inside of the hole through me, peeling the dead flesh away until the entire interior surface of the wound bled like living tissue do. My screaming got really breathy and quiet when she cut away the cauterized lung bits, but it sure as shit didn''t stop. I clutched the table, leaving splintered fingerprints, and I think I shattered the end of it drumming my heels against it. She did the entire process at her ''inhuman sewing machine'' speeds as everyone else stood there gawking.


    I mean, Hero Davis tensed up like he wanted to intervene. So did Cadet Smith, of all people. But both of them were smart enough to Choose Life.


    Saffron just looked at me, shook her head, then stepped away and returned a moment later with Doc Roberts in tow. "You couldn''t wait long enough for us to set up the Healing spell, could you, my adorable moron."


    "Wasn''t sure I could go through with it if I waited," I wheezed out.


    "Hold her still and hold the wound open please, Marie."


    Marie''s other hand, index finger looking like she''d fingerblasted our Kitten thoroughly during her period, wrapped around my ribcage just below my breasts, pulling the wound open just a touch further.


    While I made vague pain noises in hopes of eliciting some carnal sympathy if the operation was a success, Docs Roberts and DeLeon led the rest of the class through setting up a quick and dirty ''Mana Network'', while Docs Z and Glass discussed the optimal Shape to use. Apparently using the default ''Heal Injury'' Spell wasn''t the most efficient way to heal wounds, and they had some worries about the size of the wound, especially with it now having roughly a half inch wider radius.


    Saffron held my hand as the rest of the class linked hands, put hands on shoulders, or otherwise got their ''Auras'' in contact to minimize Mana loss. Doc Z, as the one with the most experience Healing physical trauma, Shaped the spell. Unlike other Shapes I''d seen, he released part of it early as Mana still poured into it from the Mana Network. Starting with my back, the Healing took effect. It did not, in fact, taste minty like my earlier experiences with magical Healing. This shit was like an Altoid Peppermint and a Thai hot pepper had a baby made out of hellfire. It felt like I was getting penetrated by a bolt big enough to stretch my current wound, only slowly, so it would hurt more.


    "I''m sorry, Tabitha," said Siobhan, distracted by her need to pour Mana into the Shape. I guess I''d screamed those last thoughts out loud. "That is essentially what Doctor Zeccardi is doing, only in reverse. He is ''un-wounding'' you, but your body can''t tell the difference. I''m sorry."


    "Don''t. Be." I wheezed out, clutching at Saffron''s hand. She winced, my hand anti-tingled, and her hand felt a lot more solid all of a sudden. I squeezed harder, because yes, that shit hurt. She smiled comfortingly and stroked a hand across my drenched brow.


    "Doctor, I estimate we''ve used between a third and half of the Network''s Mana. How is the Healing progressing?" asked Doc Roberts.


    Gotta hand it to him, for a non combatant, Doc Z had a good, calm, even humor-laced crisis voice. Good bedside manner in an emergency room, I guess. Hell, maybe calling him a ''non-combatant'' wasn''t fair. He just used Healing Spells to fight against injury, up to and including Death itself, what with him knowing how to Revive. Props to him, which I''d give once I didn''t have to wheeze-scream them. "Well. I''d best be far more efficient with the rest of this then." I don''t know what he did, but it hurt even more. I think my mouth opened so far my jaw might have dislocated to get more scream out.


    Saffron registered what Doc Z had said, frowned a very ''not today'' frown, my hand anti-tingled enough to go numb, and she grabbed the wrist of the nearest Cadet.


    I saw the Mana flow through the network.


    Then it hit Doc Z''s Shape, and a moment later I blacked the fuck out.

 Day Three Hundred And Sixteen

    Dear Diary,


    Sometimes I wonder how much of the really wacky shit that has happened to me is me inflicting my basic wacky shit nature on the world, how much is me noticing something weird and then making up a Kipling ''just so story'' explaining why it''s my fault, and how much is the Fates fucking with me, not to mention whether they''re fucking with me to maintain the status quo or to, I dunno, draw my attention to places where the status is anything but appropriately quo.


    Yes, I''ve read Kipling. The Eastside library had a compilation of his works in the ''new releases'' section. On the one hand ''White Men have a Duty to Educate and Protect Brown People'' is so hella racist that if you don''t see it, I don''t have the time nor crayons to explain it to you. On the other, ''Educate and Protect'' is a whole fuckin damn sight better than ''Punish and Enslave''. So, like, A plus for Intent, D minus and In School Suspension for execution.


    Here''s the thing; I''ve seen Mimic in M-Space. At Yule I joked about my M-Space, unBlended ass being huge, but Mimic is straight up Lovecraftian existential horror levels of big. Must bend the Laws of Physics to Exist big. Butt large enough to send Sir Mixalot directly to Nirvana big. On top of all that... I was gonna say ''literal'', but she''s in M-Space, so... shit. On top of her enormity in M-Space, any time I start to get in tune with her I get the idea that somehow there''s a deeper level of unreality, one where she and Domnu have permanent mailing addresses and government ID and shit, and the her there? Makes the one here and now in M-Space look like microscopic. Atomic. Subatomic. Quarks and shit.


    Sorry. Totally not my point, but contemplating it is one of those things that just draw''s the mind''s eye like one of those Hidden Image pics. My point is that Mimic covers a good chunk of the Eastern Seaboard in M-Space now. M-Space is a reflection of the Mortal World, yeah, but I''m beginning to suspect that reflection thing isn''t a one way street. No real justification for that, mind you, just a pure gut feeling. But if I''m right, how much of the dumb unlikely shit that''s happening in the Mortal Realm, which I persistently think of as the ''Real World'', is happening because Mimic wants it to? Or because somewhere inside I want it to?


    What does it say about me that shit like what happened to Bonnie still happens?


    Yeah, I get it. There''s millions of people in the Mortal Realm, plus god only knows how many Demigods and Divine Avatars and whatever, who given any reasonable sense of scale still ought to count as ''people'' compared to Mimic.


    I find it ironic that I now treasure being placed in the same category you place Mortals, Daughter.


    Yeah, well. Even if I could Co-Locate enough to put one of me next to each and every one of them, I''m pretty fuckin'' sure each iteration of me would have just about enough brain cells to compete with Mimic herself in the Olympic ''stare and drool'' competition. I literally cannot be everybody''s guardian angel. Even if I kinda want to be.


    But how much influence do I have over what happens on, y''know, a subconscious level?


    So after my impromptu surgery I wound up spending a while just observing things from a Mimic''s-eye-view. On top of yeeted normal shrimp, the evening''s feast included not just the addition of Mega-Shrimp, but shadowy super-chibi sous chefs lining up to assist Marie and Saffron with their self-yeeting. Hell, they got in on the ''yeeted into Mimic''s maw'' themselves a bit too. I know I''ve gone on about mouth feel without describing it, but by now I''ve got enough variation to do so. The shrimp? Even the big chef sized ones? Definitely have that ''perfect shellfish'' feel, slightly crispy skin with creamy interior meat that just melts like butter. Saffron? Absolute soup dumpling, but one with a skin so thin I''m surprised it survives being yeeted. Just that ''in mouth, pop, soup everywhere'' you get from a really good soup dumpling. Marie is kinda the opposite, like a hard core of flavor that gradually melts, totally wrapped up in super thin rice noodles that act like itty bitty paint brushes slopping that good good flavor all over the place. The new sous chefs? Kinda like beans, in a good way. Individually more teasing than satisfying, but en masse had a nice mashed potato consistency.


    Of course, when I got a mischievous hair up my ass and... didn''t really ''think'' do a flip, but kinda emoted it? Of course they all started pulling Circe de Soleil shit. Not much real change for the shrimp and beans, but Marie''s hair flayed flavor into my face, and Saffron exploded with the kind of force that if Mimic had a face to go with her maw, she''d have been looking like some straight up soupkakke or some shit.


    Which led to my whole pondering about ''how much does Mimic influence the world, and how much do I influence Mimic'', which led to me waking up surrounded once more by my very favoritest kitties in the whole wild world. Saffron and Isnomi sprawled over top of me, with a Marie on either side of us, bracketing us with a white wall of warm watchfulness. I don''t know how I knew she wasn''t really sleeping, but when I whispered, "Marie? You awake?" she replied instantly, in quiet stereo.


    "Yes."


    That led me down a melancholy path. "Have... have you ever really slept with me? With us?"


    Both sets of her eyes snapped open and she frowned down at me. "Yes."


    "Really? No, wait, I know you wouldn''t bother to say it if it wasn''t. But... do you need to sleep?"


    "No."


    "You don''t need to, but you do? With us?"


    Both of her smiled at me. "Yes."


    "That''s so sweet. Adorable." She just looked at me, smiling. "Thank you."


    "Welcome." she whispered.


    I froze, bits of my brain chasing a million different disaster scenarios. Thankfully, my lady bits took over. "You mean that?"


    "Yes."


    "Any and all of you, any time, I''m welcome to it?"


    She snuggled in closer on both sides, eliciting little irked sleepy kitten noises from atop me. "Yes." I wriggled my arms around both of her and pulled her in, careful not to get either of the two atop me in between us, and then squeezed her to me. She oofed, squeaked, and then a wave of purring crashed over me from both sides. She kinda melted over either side of me; not even in an outright sex way, just the way someone would do knowing someone is there to look out for them, so they could just relax utterly and completely. "Strong."


    Maybe that should have surprised me, but with a wall of comforting purr on either side of me vibrating any bad juju away, I couldn''t bring myself to do anything but snuggle her and whisper, "I wish we could go to sleep just like this."


    "Okay." She scooched down and snuggled into my shoulders. It really says something about something that I got weird squish feels rather than weird lady boner having her nuzzling both of my ears at once.


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    "Too bad I can''t wake up like this too."


    "Will."


    My brain puzzled at that for a moment. "I wanted you to really sleep though. Like, all of us sleeping, including both of you, because I am the greediest bitch in the world, apparently."


    "Will."


    More puzzling. "How can you sleep and stay Co-Located?"


    She sighed, cracked one eye on each side of me, and whispered, "Demigoddess." Then, in the most eloquent ''shut the fuck up and go the fuck to sleep'' I''ve ever personally been a part of, she caressed my face with one hand each, sliding my eyes closed and laying fingers across my lips. I may be a dumbass, but when her purring ratcheted up to the point where the pair atop me melted just a little, I took the hint and went to sleep.


    Saffron and the Sous Chefs weren''t in evidence, but Marie made up for their absence by accompanying body pillow sized shrimp into Mimic''s Maw. Weird as fuck, especially when she got pleasantly stubborn about the whole ''dissolving'' part of ''dissolving flavor packet''. No less flavorful, mind, but way more time spent savoring the flavoring.


    She nudged me awake just in time to watch Menace and Kitten go through their morning wake up routine. We just watched them go through the whole thing, content to be the bed they woke up in. When she saw two Maries, Isnomi''s eyes got wide and she kinda sat there vibrating, like she wanted to do a million different ''two adult toddler games'' with Marie as both adults, but couldn''t decide where to start. Meanwhile Saffron just smiled and said, "feeling better, dear?"


    "Yeah. Hey, Menace, you up for going to see Sigyn today?" In response, she just nodded, but grabbed one of each Marie''s hands, wordlessly demanding to take both of them along. "Kitten, do you mind if we do casual dress today? I''m just not feeling up to The Dress or my uniform today."


    "As my Goddess wishes, so shall it be." I must admit, though, to some disappointment at you not wanting to drop the little one with Sigyn and spend the day in the Library.


    One quadruple Co-Location later, the four of us, sans Isnomi, lay in our Love Shack. "I think I''m not even feeling up to casual wear here."


    She chuckled down at me, "not even our new armor?"


    I rolled my eyes, "how would that even work without the dresses underneath?"


    "With that attitude, we''ll never find out," she replied primly. I laughed and rolled both Maries onto their backs, then flopped Saffron face down on one of them. "Nah, think what you were doing when I got here the other day looked fun."


    The others of us got up, helped each other get dressed, because dressing someone I love is way less of a chore than dressing myself for some reason, then stepped over to Drivers''. With our late start, we didn''t get to Loki''s until around noon, but if he felt some kinda way he forgave all when we delivered Drivers'' gyros to Sigyn and him. We spent the day chatting, playing with Isnomi and Mister Slither, who''d become much more of a member of the fam and friendly snek boi since Odin''s banishment from the cave, and just chatting about inconsequential shit. I''d half expected and looked forward to therapy, physical or otherwise, but Saffron nixxed the idea with a simple, "it would interfere with our plans tonight, Goof."


    I had no idea what those plans were, but I am also not stupid enough to argue with my Kitten when she Has Plans. Worst case, we had some kind of non-violent diplomancy to handle. Best case, shenanigantics might be at hand.


    Marie kept both of her around, and Isnomi got one of her Twin Marie wishes granted when they took up positions on opposite sides of the cave and played ''yeet the toddler'' to one another, with Sigyn and Mister Slither in the middle trying to catch the flying, shrieking Menace. Weird, but neither Saffron nor I did more than shake our heads and smile, because we could not think of a single less likely thing than our child coming to any kind of harm with not one but two Maries in the room.


    At the end of the day we did our hugs and kisses good bye, then Saffron took charge and stepped us all Not Home. We stood in the fourth floor common area of Lancaster House, with Isnomi''s posse spread around Larry and Bonnie. "Good Evening, Commander!"


    Before I could reply, Isnomi charged into and through the horde hoard, with the whole thing eventually taking off for the stairs in a great whooping mass, one grinning Marie in hot pursuit.


    "Hey, Larry!" I stepped up and pulled him into a hug. If he objected, he hid it pretty well, although his response came back one handed, with his other hand firmly clamped in Bonnie''s. Of course, she filled in, stepping up and giving me a quick squeeze before I stepped back to look at both of them. Well, mostly at her, because reasons. First of all, Saffron had clearly been at work, because both Bonnie and Larry had denim jeans on; Larry beneath a nice collared shirt with simple ties on the front, but Bonnie had a top that matched our Thunderstruck outfits. Only she''d been at it with a scissor or something and hacked it off halfway between her nipples and her bellybutton, leaving her belly showing.


    Anybody not a veteran of duBois PT could be excused for just drooling and staring, but those of us in the know immediately recognized her soft, slightly rounded belly for exactly what it was. I couldn''t help but feel warm and fuzzy that she''d hit a point where she wanted to advertise her condition in the most blatant way possible.


    Of course, the fact that her belly had a fuckin'' awning did that pretty well too for anybody who''d known her before. I''ve heard that women getting really good bedroom time got a little bouncier in the boob department, and it might have been a little early for her mammaries to mammary, but some combination had flipped that switch, and she''d gone from ''pleasantly athletic girl-curvy'' to ''emergency flotation devices deployed''. "Lookin'' good, Bonnie! You''re what, about thirteen weeks in now?"


    She nodded. "I mean, I think so? Larry and I aren''t exactly sure when it happened,"


    "So many possibilities," muttered Saffron, but in a voice that said she approved wholeheartedly, and everybody chuckled at that, even Blushing Baby Baker Bonnie.


    "Yeah. So at least twelve weeks, no more than thirteen " I opened my mouth to say something, and for a fraction of a second her eyes hardened, just flat black orbs glaring at me. "No more than thirteen."


    "Oh, hey yeah, I get it, couldn''t possibly be any more than that." I really wasn''t sure exactly why she''d be that vehement. I mean, I had a clue, which was all lonely in my skull, wandering around like a maiden in a gothic castle, desperately hoping to find a shaggy dude and a library, low key terrified that she''d enjoy it more if she found two hot chicks and a walking corpse. But I couldn''t quite make the connection on why, and she and Larry seemed to be doing well, so I wasn''t gonna rock that boat. Instead I turned to Saffron and Marie, only to find them both also dressed in their jeans and tank tops. I raised an eyebrow at Saffron''s outfit, and she just nodded to Marie, who ran her hands over Saffron''s shoulders possessively, incidentally teasing some indecent exposure by making Saffron''s shoulder straps into off the shoulder straps for a moment. "So, what are we doing tonight?"


    Larry put his arm around Bonnie''s waist and pulled her close; she giggled and took up her habitual shoulder-devil positioning. "I''m not sure, Commander. Your wife and mine arranged this."


    Saffron took me by the hand, and the moment she did my skirt and shirt combo got replaced by my schoolboy uniform. After long enough to let the Obol-Lancasters get a good look, she replaced that with a set of jeans and blue tank top of my very own. I smiled at her. "I''d have worn the other one for you, Kitten."


    She raised an eyebrow as she took my hand, and Marie reached out to lay a hand on Larry''s shoulder. "And have that jacket soak up all the sweat instead of letting it soak your shirt the way it ought? I think not." A moment later all five of us stood on South Street, the gathering dusk only partially held at bay by street lights.


    Larry and Bonnie looked around, gawking just a little at the sights and sounds of South Street being South Street on a nice night. "And you will be sweating, my Goof, because tonight we will be sampling the finest dancing halls of South Street to see which one fits us best."


    Before I could reply to that, a big figure charged out of an alleyway. I moved to intercept, but recognized D just before he reached me. As I banished my Blades, he grabbed me by the shoulders and I realized he looked more than a little frantic, not to mention maybe a little skinnier than normal and, strangest of all, sober.


    "Tabitha Diaz, why have you done this thing to me!" A moment later we had not one but four Maries with us; our original, who stood with her hands on Saffron''s shoulders, one clinging to each of D''s shoulders in ways that made their tank tops twist enticingly, and one stalking in behind him from the alley he''d come out of, a low growl emanating from her. Unlike her other selves, this one wore nothing to cover her fuzzy butt at all, and her tail swished back and forth as she stalked up behind him. Just about then I noticed something his panicked approach had made me miss; D himself wore nothing but what looked like a big bath house towel wrapped around his waist.


    Right about then he looked at me, and whimpered, "help me."

 Day Three Hundred And Seventeen

    Dear Diary,


    I never really thought about how other Gods interact with the world; I always figured they did things pretty much the same as me and Loki.


    Each Deity interacts with the world differently, depending on their Pantheon, their Domain, their Myths, and who they choose to be within those constraints.


    They can''t break those constraints?


    Before I met you, before Yule, I would have said no. But then, perhaps I gave you a greater Boon than I knew?


    Just more proof, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    It''s weird to think that even as I''m trying to, y''know, do better than the rest of the shit show that is Divinity here and now, not to mention doing better than I did yesterday and the days before, not every Deity out there is just sitting in some kind of celestial mansion eating cheese and grapes and shit. I mean, I knew that. Even if I didn''t quite get it until Loki brought me home to meet the missus and saw him laying there, being tortured and chained to a slab of rock by the remains of his own son.


    I am something of an outlier, Daughter.


    Are you really though? You on your slab, Jormungandr petrified beneath the waves, Sleipnir enslaved, Fenris chained, and Hel... ugh. Forced to work as a Civil Servant.


    My daughter does good, important work.


    Oh, no shade on her, Boss. She''s doing great. The dead aren''t walking the Earth, Calverton notwithstanding. Speaking of, is there any way she could help out there?


    She is not permitted to leave her realm, nor has she Psychopomps to send.


    No worries, Boss. I''ll figure something out.


    But yeah, Bonnie and Saffron set up a whole night out for us, and before we did more than show up, D comes running out of an alley in nothing but a towel, Marie in hot pursuit wearing less than that.


    "Marie, a moment?" All four Maries on scene, both the ones dangling like possessive anchors from his arms, the one stalking up behind him, and the one behind me with her arms around my neck froze and stared at Saffron. "What is it you think we''ve done?"


    "This is the first time in two weeks I''ve had a moment''s rest, and I had to leap out a window while she blocked the door!"


    I couldn''t help it. I started laughing, and his indignant look only made it worse. "Dude, just tell her ''no''?"


    "I''ve tried! Don''t you think I''ve tried? How am I supposed to tell her..." the rest of whatever he intended to say got lost in one Marie''s mouth, and the one behind him slinked forward with her hands forward like she intended to steal his towel away. Morbid curiosity aside, I felt vaguely responsible.


    Snapping my fingers to get the attention of the naked Marie sneaking up behind him, I asked, "look, Marie, you know I''m down for all you can eat shenanigans, but don''t you think you''ve taken this a little too far?"


    "No."


    "Uh... two weeks? Have you eaten? Slept?" She raised an eyebrow, and I realized. "Okay, has he eaten? Slept? Gotten his drink on?"


    "No."


    "Don''t you think you should let him?"


    "No."


    "Okay, that I did not expect." I''d never seen Marie quite this confrontational before. Okay, there was that time with the Arse Priests, but that was the appetizer for long overdue revenge. Suspicion growing, I asked, "Why not?"


    She just confirmed my suspicion when she replied, "Centuries."


    I nodded, considering. "Okay, yeah, I get you''ve missed the D, but you seem a little... thirsty..." That''s when it hit me, something Saffron told me a while back. "Really?" She just nodded, and I turned to D. "You kinda did this to yourself, dude."


    He gave me a deeply betrayed look. "Tabitha Diaz! Are we not family? How could you do this to me then tell me I did it to myself?"


    "Dude. You made the Maenads what they are, right?"


    He frowned, nodding. "Yes."


    "Including that whole, ''thirsty as fuck for fuck the closer they get to you'', right?"


    He rolled his eyes. "Well. Yes. But they''ve always had other duties. Distractions. Then you go and give this one," he tossed his head to indicate the Marie behind him, who''d slunk up behind him and narrowly missed getting clobbered in the face by the back of D''s head. Of course, ''nearly missed'' meant he now had that Marie attached to his ear by her fangs. "Aiee! Marie! Gently, please!"


    "No."


    "Hey!" All the Maries snapped around to look at me. "Are you mad at him?" I had all I could do to keep myself from laughing at how much the Maries in my field of view looked like the Menace at her most mulish. "Okay then. Unless you''re so mad you''re gonna start with the Sparagmos, keep the fangs in if he doesn''t agree to them, okay?"


    "I seem to recall you liking those, love." Saffron murmured.


    "Yeah. I like them. Doesn''t mean she gets to use them will he nil he on a he who''s presently nil." I paused. Hey, Boss? Isn''t there some kind of Divine Woo that lets Gods make copies of themselves? Like, not Co-Location?


    There is, Daughter. Any Deity with the Glory or Mana can create an Avatar.


    I thought I remembered you saying that! Thanks, Boss. You''re the best!


    I know.


    "Okay, D. I do feel the tiniest bit bad, but at the same time I didn''t dig the hole you''re losing yourself in. All I did was kinda illustrate that you did something maybe a little bit shitty and then refused to take responsibility for it."


    "YOU DARE!" He straightened up to his full height, but I wasn''t about to back down.


    Besides, I had a secret weapon. "Marie?"


    Within seconds D hit the ground. Not exactly violently, but not gently, either. The Maries on his arms duplicated themselves and those four clamped onto him, one per limb, and just carried him bodily to the ground. The Marie behind him almost pounced, but at a quelling look from me she dropped to her knees and smothered his mouth with hers, rather than what I suspected she''d intended to smother him with. Of course, she also Co-Located herself and stole his towel, prancing away with it, waving it like a flag as she ran in circles around us like a kitten with a cheap grocery bag around its neck. I may have mentioned before, D is like eight feet tall and heavy, not ripped like a powerlifter, but like one of those strongman competition guys. He had junk that lived up to every unspoken promise his mega dad bod made.


    "Hoo, boy. That''s... ah..."


    "Impressive." I''d kinda forgotten Bonnie and Larry standing there, but when I glanced over, I found her staring with the same kind of fascinated awe Saffron and I had been.


    "Commander!" Larry choked out, and I realized that I not only had a Divine situation to deal with, I also had a teachable moment with my Champion.


    "Marie, keep him entertained for a moment? Maybe make this show just a touch less NC-17?" Naked Marie two point oh, wearing D''s towel like a cape, plonked her ass down on his crotch. "Marie..." I warned. She rolled her eyes at me and whipped the towel away for a moment, just long enough to show that she had not, in fact, gone riding in the middle of the street, but was using her ass to keep the South from Rising Again. I sighed. "Fine."


    That situation on pause, I turned to Larry, who definitely looked some kinda way, and Bonnie, who looked like the only thing keeping her from tears was indignation she really didn''t want to have toward her Clydesdale. "Larry?"


    "Yes, Commander?" He wasn''t mad at me, specifically, but he definitely had some mad in his voice.


    "Is Bonnie your property?"


    He looked like he''d just choked on his own mad. "No!"


    "Is she your servant then?"


    "No!"


    "So she''s her own person, free to do as she will?"


    He choked out, "yes," but waved one hand to where Marie sat on D''s lap, looking like the cat who''d stolen all the cream. Which, given what she''d been up to, wasn''t far from the truth.


    "I''ll get to that in a second. She''s your equal partner, then?"


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    "Yes!" Exasperation gave me a lot more to work with than jealousy.


    "Okay then. Bonnie?"


    "Yes, Commander?" Funny how she could say the same word and make it sound like an in joke. Which I guess I''m okay with, because that shit always felt vaguely like a joke to me. I''m a shit kicker, not a troop... ordering... person... fuck you.


    I took a deep breath to center myself and said, "if Larry saw some stupidly hot chick and wanted you to share, would you?"


    Oh, lord, I suddenly saw why Larry done got so smitten. Her pout absolutely qualified as ''to die for''. "Yes." She even folded her arms across... well, under her ample bosom, which just made her bosom ample more.


    "I wou..."


    "Shut up, Larry. Not the point, and yes I''m getting to it. Bonnie, do you want anybody else?"


    "NO!"


    "Not even that literally Divine bit of man-meat Marie''s mashing right now?"


    She got it right then, because as I''ve noted before, she and I seem to have compatible stupidity. "Oh, no! Not at all. I mean, yeah, it''s pretty, and, like, wow, big. Like my arm, even. But," here she draped herself back over Larry, who looked pretty solidly mollified. "I don''t want anybody other than my Larry." I opened my mouth, and she snapped out, "you know what I mean, Diaz. ''My Larry'' to differentiate him from any other possible Larrys out there. Not ''my Larry'' like I own him." Here she propped her chin on his shoulder in her preferred whisper-in-his-ear position and said, loud enough for all of us to hear, "although I would kinda like to procure exclusive mineral rights to certain portions of him."


    He snorted. "You''ve already got that, woman. I thought you knew."


    She licked his fuckin'' earlobe and said, "it''s still nice to hear you say it."


    I chuckled and said, "yeah, I''m thinkin'' your honeymoon isn''t any more over than ours is, but you two might want to sit down and have a nice long chat about expectations and limitations and, y''know, what kinda rules you expect each other to follow." I nodded to Larry. "Take that as advice from your Patron."


    "We will," said Bonnie. Ah, shit, now I had two of them. Fuck me. Only, y''know, not, because Larry. Ew. Although, much as Bonnie had stared at D with appreciation without intent, I had the sudden thought that extra-curvy Bonnie might actually look good enough to, I dunno, put a bag over Larry''s head and pretend he was Lachlan or something.


    Trying to get my brain off the track it normally enjoyed, I laughed and said, "the way you started talking about mineral rights made me think you were gonna start drilling or some shit." Neither of them replied, but Larry''s dismissive chuckle made me realize that with the way she dangled over his shoulder, he couldn''t see the huge evil grin she shot me. Nope, that was clearly a them problem that they''d have to work out on their own. Bad behavior corrected, good advice given, now I had a Deity to deal with.


    By pretty much doing the same fuckin'' thing. Y''know, for a cereal box prize desperately in need of restoration, my Moral Compass wound up having to do a lot of fuckin'' work.


    "Marie?" The Marie holding D in a lip lock lifted herself just far enough away for him to glower at me. The one on his lap writhed around until she lay face first on top of him, with her chin on her hands on his belly, her butt sticking out from the end of the towel, her feet kicking idly in the air.


    "You have stolen my favorite from me!"


    "DUDE!" I don''t know if he looked more shocked at me yelling at him, or at Marie not intervening. When he shut his Divine trap and looked like he had his ears open, I continued. "You are the one who designed the Maenads to be eternally thirsty hosebeasts, who specifically go from ''down to fuck'' to ''unthinking vag in need of filling'' when they get close to you. Tell me I''m wrong?"


    "But..."


    "DID YOU?"


    "Yes, but..."


    "Zip it!" I think he might have a bit of a conniption with me cutting him off repeatedly, but I wasn''t about to back down now. I had... A Plan. I know what you''re thinking. ''A plan, or twelve percent of a plan?'' I''m hurt. I really am. I had a plan, and a good one. For certain Tabitha-based values of Good.


    At this point I feel the need to remind you that my Moral Compass does not, in fact, point to ''Good''.


    "Okay. Look, you made them like this. Yeah, when I wanted to have Marie with me despite her having shit to do at the Academy, not to mention watching our kid, I granted her the Boon to do the same shit Saffron and I do. Only she''s better at it, because Murder Mittens is a real live Demigoddess and Kitten and I are just High Priestesses and shit."


    Just High Priestesses, Goof?


    Don''t you start now, Kitten.


    So forceful. I''m not sure I''ll be able to dance until I get a chance to change my underwear.


    You''ll dance like you are and you''ll like it.


    Yes, ma''am.


    That shit lit some fires that I was not ready to put out or feed right at the moment, so my plan might have gotten a bit meaner, but fuck it. "Okay, D. I got a solution for you. One I''m sure you''ll like, but I''m not telling you without a couple promises."


    "You would extort me, the Heir to Olympus?"


    "Have you met me?"


    "Fuck. What do you want?"


    I took my time sliding my hands over both Saffron and my Marie''s adorable asses as I disengaged from them and walked over to squat close to D''s head. "Two promises. First, that you''ll guide my buddy Larry and I and our wives and as many Maries as want to tag along," here I looked back at my Marie, smiling to take the sting out of my words, "to specifically not fuck on the best dance floors on South Street."


    "Normally I would protest your inclusion of celibacy in Revel related activities, but go on. What else?"


    "When I tell you the solution to your woes, you never let a Maenad go thirsty again if it is at all in your power to quench that thirst. You get me?"


    He sighed. "I see the justice in what you say. I did make them this way, and if nothing else the past weeks have show me the potential folly of my decision. But my basic dilemma is that I cannot?"


    I grinned down at him, reaching to pat his cheek. The naked Marie kneeling next to me growled a little, but I just sideways head bunted her shoulder and said, "oh, hush, you. You''ll love this, I''m sure. Okay, D, how long would it take you to create an Avatar?"


    He shrugged as best as he could with Maries pinning him. "It is merely an act of will; should I need such, I could make one in an eyeblink, but I think you overestimate my reserves of Glory."


    I grinned down at him. "Marie?"


    "Yes?"


    "Go fill in for the rest of the Maenads and let them know where D is. Also, y''know, what he just promised."


    D opened his mouth to protest, but closed it with a snap when every Marie in attendance purred out, "Done."


    His eyes shot wide. "DO YOU INTEND TO KILL ME, WOMAN?"


    I couldn''t help it. I snickered. "Death by snu snu is absolutely how you should go when you do, but no. Check your Glory, D."


    He opened his mouth to argue, then got the kind of look I''d expect if he suddenly realized that Marie came with internal vibrating attachments. Which I just realized she absolutely did, and gave D props for some serious Gentleman Of Culture thinking. "How?"


    "Well, there was that situation with those Arse Priests."


    He snorted out, "Arse... Oh, that''s precious. But that might have given me enough to create a single Avatar. Perhaps. But this?"


    "Oh. Yeah. She might have been instrumental in helping a Bard with a seduction."


    "Who did he seduce? Hera? Athena? Artemis?"


    "Domnu."


    His face paled. "Great Mother Night."


    "Exactly. Oh, and they''ve been ''Reveling'' pretty much constantly for, um..." I hammed it up, counting on my fingers until I ran out, then grabbing my left boob. "Eleven! Eleven straight days now."


    "That... that would explain it." He really sounded like the Marie holding him down might have Translocated herself not quite perfectly around him then tried to do unto him the way some women did with tin cans, but I couldn''t see her doing that and not looking smug about it. She didn''t look smug, she looked... anticipatory.


    "There''s something very, very important that you seem to be forgetting about."


    "What''s that?"


    "It only took Marie like five minutes to get from the Academy to the Temples when she wasn''t chasing something she''d done without for four hundred odd years." I grinned down at him as he became aware of the low rumble approaching from the West.


    He blinked, and another of him stood there, clothed in a toga that did nothing to hide the raging hard on he''d spawned with. Heh. Total terror boner, and utterly justified as the first few Maenads in the avalanche of Maids hit him and made off with him, growling and racing ahead of the others. Just as things sounded like they might be getting more murdery and less fucky, another D stood there. The Maenads still flowing past us in pursuit of D number two screamed, pounced on him and carried him off in another direction. For a solid couple minutes he popped out another Avatar every little bit, and each time it got gang tackled and carted off by another handful of Maenads. Who, I assumed, would wind up doing something else beginning with ''gang'', but if dude had a complaint, my only response would be, ''you literally programmed this into them, dude. Quit bitching and reap what you sowed.''


    I''m not sure where they all went, whether they found rooftops or bowers or abandoned alleyways or whatever, but eventually the flood of berserk horny Maenads all left following their chosen D. I''m not sure exactly how they divvied each one up, but like I said, D''s a big boi, there''s plenty of each to go around, even for a handful of Maenads trying frantically to relieve centuries of built up blue bean. At that point D sighed, looked around at the Maries who still had him pinned, and said, "can I get up now?"


    All of them chorused, "No." Then looked at him with heavy-lidded expectation.


    He sighed. "I suppose you don''t care that I''ve blown through nearly the entire windfall of Glory you won me?"


    "Worth."


    He sighed, then started to chuckle. "As you wish." One final extra D popped up, and the six Maries pinning D to the ground lifted him and ran off with him, looking so much like a crowd of albino raccoons stealing a whole damn trash can I couldn''t help but fall over laughing.


    The D standing above me reached down and lifted me to my feet by the scruff of my neck. The moment he set me down, he had a pair of Maries in jeans and tee shirts dangling from his arms. "I suppose I should go find them and do as I was created to do. But I think I''ll do that in the morning." He turned to me. "Are you ready to go dancing?"


    "Sounds like a plan." Then, a little guilty, I turned to the Marie draping herself over Saffron like Shaquille O''Neal''s fur coat over Hayden Panettiere. "Let the poor man have some food and booze, Marie."


    She huffed out, "Fine."


    "Hey, I didn''t specify a delivery method."


    I found myself sandwiched between a pair of Maries of my very own, who engulfed my ears and whispered, "yay."


    "Marie..." Saffron''s pouty tone wound up with her stumbling under yet another Marie. "Not what I meant, you weasel in tigress form."


    "Oh!" I blessed my Mimicked Strength as along with another Marie dangling off my back I had a Saffron riding each of my hips.


    I know, I know, world''s tiniest violin. "You two ready to go?"


    Bonnie pouted. "If I have to walk far in my delicate condition, I won''t have the energy to dance." Then she leapt at Larry, swinging her legs up as she dangled from his neck. "Carry me?"


    He snorted as he scooped her into a princess carry. Kinda fit, what with her being the closest fuckin'' thing to a princess in the here and now. "So undignified."


    "You love it," she muttered into his neck.


    He smiled, a real smile with no snark or nastiness in it, and in that moment I saw what Bonnie saw when she looked at him. "I do."


    "Then let''s go dancing! D, lead on!"


    True to his word, D''s Avatar led us to some really good spots, all with house bands or local musicians playing some fun stuff to dance to. I absolutely refuse to acknowledge what I saw in one place when they started to play something suspiciously like a lambada, because Larry has no business being that smoothly flexible.


    No sleep for any of us, and if we dropped Larry and Bonnie off at Lancaster House around sunrise, the rest of us had shit to do, notably Strategy and Logistics, where I wound up taking shit for not having an Order of Battle for Norfolk yet. Just another thing on my list of Shit to Do, I guess. Still, days of paperwork and nights of fucking felt a lot less morally ambiguous than days on end of murderfucking my way through Norfolk''s command structure. Still, my tedium and titillation wasn''t why I kept smiling through the whole class.


    That was entirely due to a memory from the night before, one that had boggled everybody but Saffron and Marie, and even took them a few seconds to start laughing as hard as I was.


    A few hours before dawn, with the street lights shut down and stars lighting the clear sky, a massive meteor shower filled the sky. Beautiful, like they always are, especially without sky glow blocking them. Awe inspiring, even if my Emergency Coring Tentacles gave me a little more insight than Bonnie, who looked up at the show in the sky and, reaching up and half whispered, "Tears of Domnu!"


    I couldn''t help it, I barely got the words out through my laughter. "Those aren''t tears."

 Day Three Hundred And Eighteen

    Dear Diary,


    Sometimes there are no simple answers.


    I''m pretty conflicted about what to do with Norfolk. On the one hand, by their own laws? I own it now. It''s mine. The Jarldoms are old school ''loans from the King'' kind of things, and I now own everything Gregor did. Okay, I''m not exactly sure about how much real estate I owe to the Duelist''s Guild or Olga or whoever. Probably a good idea to figure out what kind of social structure they''ve got that wasn''t directly tied to Gregor, whether that means shit that will likely outlast Norfolk being a Kingdom, or shit that needs to get altered to allow for something a little less ''horrific rape-enabler''s paradise'' and more ''constitutional monarchy''. Or even one of those weird Scandinavian things I read about where they''ve, like, got a king, but are Socialists or some shit.


    Look, I liked mythology and etymology, genre fiction and philosophy. World politics wasn''t my thing. At all. Do I know what Socialism is? Not really. Do I know which countries are Socialists? Also no. Was I vaguely interested in looking into moving after my second decade living in a Capitalist Hellscape? Maybe.


    But that''s all missing the point, which is Norfolk needed a new government. Like, an actual one, not ''me big dick, you fellate or die''. That''s not a government. Fuck, that''s barely a dictatorship. Heh. Dick tater ship.


    DAMMIT! I forgot, I own a battleship now! While I, as a probably immortal person, will not be taking part in direct governance of Norfolk, I would definitely be taking part in riding into Calverton Harbor straddling sixteen inches of over the horizon fuck you. Shit, I don''t own a battleship, I own a whole little fleet of the fuckers! I have my own goddamned battleship harem! Saffron gone be jelly. I mean, I''ll totally let her borrow one or more any time she wants, because I''m cool like that, but I''m gonna have my name welded on the side of the barrels.


    Heh. I should totally tell Marie to do that to D Actual; he''s big enough she could probably not only fit ''Property of Maenad Marie'' along the side, but some epic troll crap like ''You must be this tall to ride this D''. Which would piss Saffron off, not because she had any intent to fit something possibly longer than her torso into her cooch, but I know my Kitten. Telling her ''you can''t do this because you''re short'' is absolutely a guarantee she''ll figure out a way to do it. Which means if I tell Marie to do that bullshit, I''m gonna have to have a Stabilize and a couple Heal Injuries on standby to fix the organ damage. Possibly a Revive, depending on how Marie words her troll tattoos.


    Hey, a girl''s gotta do what a girl''s gotta do, right?


    Anyway, last night mostly consisted of Endless Chibi Chef Marie auto-yeets. Mimic, being a bigger glutton than even I am, just kinda let the dissolving yeeted Maries build up in her maw, savoring them as they slopped Marie flavored Worship everywhere. When it got really over the top I think I smelled alcohol. Ouzo? Grappa? Not sure. One of those that the liquor store would have, like, two competing brands of at most, each of which claimed to be ''from the old country'', although if you read the really fine print it read ''bottled in West Virginia'' or some shit.


    Woke up in the morning to Marie everywhere. Two bracketing the other three of us in the bed. One sitting with her legs spread so Saffron and I could pillow our heads on her thighs as we snuggled together. Another one curled up on our feet, with Menace curled up on top of her. Two more sprawled on the floor in the other room, limbs tangled. A constant low level vibration shook the bed, right at the absolute perfect level to keep me utterly content to lay there enjoying the warmth, the feel of her hand stroking my hair, the smell of her.


    Okay, I like the way Marie smells, but with a minimum of six of her in two little rooms? The scent of Marie washed over me with every air movement. The smallest part of it, oddly enough, was that smell of the sea on her breath. A bigger chunk came from that weird smell I associated with fur; dogs, cats, ferrets, chinchillas; anything with full body fur had this sort of not-quite-musky smell, and Marie definitely had full body fur. Well, I mean, her fingertips weren''t fuzzy. Other bits... well, on the subject of musk, even furry folks don''t have fur there, and dear Marie was no exception. She certainly had some musk, though, and that scent had permeated the air as well. Finally weaving through all the others, never in the foreground, but never fully overwhelmed by any of them no matter how strong they got, a faint, fruity, boozy smell. Wine? Brandy? Liquor? No fuckin'' clue, but it made me a little thirsty just smelling it. Okay, the whole aroma made me a lot thirsty as fuck, but with Saffron sleeping and Isnomi in the room, I couldn''t really do anything about it.


    As I said to D, ''have you met me?'' I nipped at my Marie thigh pillow, twitched us both down to the Library, and spent from then until morning enjoying the heady mix of being cuddled by my Concubine while we watched my Wife sleep, while also using said Concubine exactly as intended, while she reciprocated with wild abandon. At some point it''d tickle me to find out that a couple centuries from now some archaeologist is gonna open that room up, take one breath, and either seal it up or get it on with his research assistant right the fuck there.


    Eventually Menace stirred, and this morning I noticed that Saffron began her wake up routine just a moment after that, like some kind of super Mom wake up power. I felt Marie tense, realized I''d done the same thing, and glanced up to see the same goofy smile I''m pretty sure I had as we watched Saffron make all the cute little faces of her boot up routine. When she did a mlem, mischief overtook me and I pounced, catching the tip of her tongue gently between my teeth, kissing her, and licking the tip of her tongue. Her eyes shot open, and I got to watch indignance melt into indulgence, then ignite into something a lot less gooey when I flicked the tip of my tongue across hers.


    The Library Love Nest Count was now two Maries, two of me, and one Saffron. Who immediately became the center of much attention, because of course she did.


    In the bedroom, as after keeping the kiss up long enough she seemed a little out of breath we slipped away from one another, she looked around and said, "Marie, while I enjoy the indulgence of literally sleeping in a pile of Concubines, don''t you think this is a bit much?"


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    "No."


    For some reason that struck me funny, and by the time Menace got all the way awake she''d already joined us in laughing our collective asses off.


    "Thanks, Marie. I needed that."


    "Welcome."


    Saffron''s head snapped around to stare at Marie at that. Somehow, without any words, she came to the same realization I had, and her gaze went from incipient panic to warm affection; she snuggled into Marie''s thigh while I did the same. "So, one of you watching over us? At all times?"


    "Yes."


    "Three more cuddling with us?"


    "Yes."


    Two sprawled out in the other room just lazing around?"


    "Yes."


    "Six of you pinning D somewhere and ravaging him senseless?"


    "No." She looked so cute pouting.


    "His Avatar finally found you and took over?"


    She pouted more. "Sneaky."


    "More than one?"


    "Shell."


    That took me a bit, but my street rat was apparently stronger than Saffron''s. "Wait, wait, wait, he popped out another Avatar and pulled a whole shell game with you to get himself away?" I broke down laughing at that. When she looked almost like she felt some kinda way I forced the important words out. "My Murder Mittens managed to fuck the fucking God of fucking Revels into fucking submission? Into full fucking retreat?"


    If she looked adorable pouting, she looked even moreso when she got a cute little sheepish look about that. "yes?"


    I laughed again, pulling myself up to put my arms around her and squeeze her to me. My hands in the library might have wandered in a Marierly direction as well. That room has got to be my favorite Saffron creation, and I''m including the entire Alliance, including that room, in my assessment. Yes, I am aware of ''recursive paradoxes''. They inspire bussin'' bean binges, so fuck off with your ''but they''re not grammatical'' and ''but you''re a Deity now, you''ll break existence!'' if existence can''t survive me enjoying some facet of it more than it is possible to do in normal space time, it can just put on its big girl panties and deal with it.


    Anyhow, I got an impish impulse and said, "so, I''m guessing your sisters are still playing with their very own D Avatars?"


    She smirked. "Yes."


    "That''s good. Make sure you guys put together some kind of rota to, y''know, make sure you each get some proper alone time with one of him. Once you''re all, y''know, satiated." She just gave me a look. "Okay, that''s not gonna happen, but what about, ''no longer mindless fuckbeasts due to centuries of pent up lust?" She nodded. Yay, I''m all adulting and giving good advice to my Wife... uh, Concubine and shit!


    "So, you''re filling in for all of them here at the Academy?"


    "Yes!" She looked so fuckin'' proud of herself. I almost paused in my Nefarious Plan, but then I thought about exactly how much I wanted to do it, and went ahead with it anyhow.


    "How many?"


    Her head tilted just perfectly. Her brow furrowed a little, and her eyes slipped closed. I waited, tense, ready to pounce.


    Mlem.


    Before her tongue even stopped moving I had it in my teeth, my lips against hers, my arms around her neck, my forearms crossed behind her head. The moment my teeth touched her tongue, her eyes snapped open. Then slipped slowly closed as my tongue teased at hers like it had Saffron''s. My eyes fluttered closed as her hands slid up my back, her arms pinning me to her like mine pinned her lips to mine. Then her tongue invaded my mouth. No other word for it; she absolutely conquered my mouth, filling my nose, my throat, even my fuckin'' ears with the faintly alcoholic smell of the sea. I''m not sure if I just don''t need to breathe because Goddess, or my stupid high Endurance means I can hold my breath for lengths of time better measured on a calendar, but Marie didn''t let me pull away any more than I did her.


    A moment later we had four fewer Maenads in the suite, and a small pack of thirsty tiger ladies in the Library. I''d been splitting my attention between two Maries and a Saffron, but a short squad of Maries scooped each of me up like they had D on the street. "Oof! No fair!"


    The Maries in the Library being just a lot too busy to talk, the one in front of me nudged me with her nose, never breaking lip lock. I opened my eyes, and her nose scrunched up as she smiled with her eyes alone. Deal.


    I froze, and she took absolute advantage to tease my tongue into her mouth and pin it like I''d done to hers earlier. I got to experience the stupidly high titillation factor of that personally, which broke me out of my momentary fugue long enough to think, Marie?


    Yes.


    Kitten? Is there something you forgot to tell me?


    Right about then Saffron lay her head against the side of our breasts, putting her arms around us in an absolutely explicit show of affectionate approval. Oops. You''ve got another High Priestess?


    For the barest instant I felt some kinda way about not being able to, y''know, speak out loud. Then my Murder Mittens lay her claws very pointedly across my shoulders, and I remembered that not only was I enjoying her absolutely over the top dominance of my general mouth region, but I also could not think of two people I''d rather share this kind of intimate communication with. Nice.


    Oh, Goddess. Now both of you are monosyllabic.


    My eyes met Marie''s, and by mutual unspoken agreement the one poor overwhelmed Library Saffron got buried under two of me and a tiger-pile of Marie. Interesting discovery shortly thereafter; enough little deaths to make somebody pass out despawn that Co-Located duplicate. Also, apparently, that generated enough feedback to knock out the Saffron leaning against us. That really pissed off Isnomi, who''d been perching on her Mom''s head trying to get Marie or I to meet her gaze, which she was absolutely too young for, precociousness or not.


    We pulled Saffron in between us, resting her against us, letting Isnomi cuddle into her lap until she woke up. "That was absolutely unfair."


    "You loved it, Kitten."


    Saffron drew herself up to her most regal, arm around Menace to prevent her from spilling off onto the floor. "That true fact has nothing to do with how unfair it was."


    "Wat waz?"


    I choked down my snickers as Saffron said, "Mama and Marie were doing some very one sided adult things to me. Which I enjoyed, but were still very unfair." Damn, my Kitten could straight up no sell that kind of toddler generated embarrassment and go full edu-Mom mode at the drop of a hat. So proud of my Kitten.


    Of course, Isnomi let out a big disappointed sigh. "What''s wrong, Menace?"


    "I fawt you waz doin'' fun fings."


    Look, Mortal or not, we''re only human-adjacent beings. All three of us collapsed laughing, and between tickles and toddler games we kept laughing so long we wound up late to class.


    Advanced Mana Shaping was pleasantly boring. I mean, for me and Saffron. Marie had Isnomi out hang-gliding. Cadet Karen Smith managed to ignite an actual Mana Blade. Not even as big as my initial six inch bread slicer, but it looked like the real thing. Then, after maintaining it for almost five seconds, she collapsed to the floor, Mana Depleted.


    I swear my laughter had nothing to do with that and everything to do with some silly satisfying shenanigans Saffron suffered through in the Library.


    I''m lying, but that''s my story, and it is sticky.

 Day Three Hundred And Nineteen

    Dear Diary,


    Over the last week or so I''ve really learned what the term ''victim of your own success'' means, I think.


    First Johnson. Okay, I''m not sure I''d call him a ''victim'', exactly, because he absolutely wanted exactly what he got. Or at least he thought he did. I still haven''t had a chance to talk with him or Domnu yet. I''m getting a lot less in the way of distracting impulses from the old Emergency Coring Tentacles, and the sky in M-Space isn''t wall to wall freaky porn, so I''m guessing they''re in the post climactic heavy breathing stage now. If you don''t know what I''m talking about, you''re either in better shape than me, which at this point is like, yeah, right, not too fuckin'' likely, or you''re just not giving it all you''ve got. Frankly, unless you''re a pro and you''re earning your rent check on volume rather than quality? Not giving it your all is just kinda sad.


    I mean, okay, yeah, there are gonna be times when you''re just beat and in desperate need of All The Endorphins. If you''re lucky at that point, you''ll have somebody as skilled as my Wives... I mean Wife and Concubine to administer Marvin Gaye''s favorite kind of healing.


    Yeah, yeah, yeah, Aunties had old CDs, too.


    Then D. Seriously, the man is the literal God of Partying, but apparently at some point at least once he''d been a twelve year old boy while still retaining the powers of a God, because only a twelve year old boy would deliberately turn someone he liked, possibly loved, into an actual nymphomaniac who only got worse the closer she got to him. I mean, shit, I get the impulse. Really I do. Having a hot humanoid tiger who gets ever more down to fuck the closer she gets to you, until she''s literally in ''will kill or die to fuck you in whatever way you suggest'' mode when in contact with you? That''s some heady shit right there. I just get the ''we both really think the other is hot, and we love each other and want to make each other feel good, and we can literally run off to do unto one another without actually forsaking our mundane duties'' version of that. Which has a lot more depth, but less twelve year old boy appeal.


    Shit, I even get the whole ''makes more like herself'' thing. Threesome? With Twins? Especially if you''re willing to be the object of their combined affections, that''s living the dream right there. Hell, if you''re a particular flavor of fucked up and you look at them from just the right perspective, you could even consider some pairs as ''mother and daughter'' which means he''s even got the whole ''taboo mother daughter threesome'' option if that''s his kink of the moment, while also still having the twins thing going on.


    They''re basically all of a twelve year old Furry''s kinks rolled into one, and I can respect that, but as duBois said; ''there are always consequences''. In this case, when you create a self-replicating horde of horny tiger women who are obsessed with you, you''d best have taken your lecithin supplements, if you know what I''m sayin. Okay, my list of favorite subjects left out ''porn'', but I couldn''t exactly look at porn in the school library. My phone didn''t have a good enough data plan to stream shit, and the workstations were too old to do it. So I didn''t. Much. Okay, ''every chance I got'' for a value of ''every chance'' that equaled about once a month.


    Weird, you''d think the nightly chef binge would get dull after a while, but they just taste so fuckin'' good.


    But back to my man duBois and consequences.


    Woke up this morning surrounded by Marie again. I''m entirely uncertain why I seem to be waking up early lately. I kinda suspect it''s the nightly Worship bingeing. I''m vaguely worried that I''m gonna lose my taste for actual food. I mean, I''m not sure I need it. I don''t know what my body does with stuff I shove into it. Okay, I''m talking about the stuff that goes in my mouth. The stuff that stays there. Never mind, I''m gonna go ask Marie.


    I gently scooched around to peek up at Marie''s watchful gaze. She saw me looking, of course, and smiled down. Out of the corner of my eye I saw one of the Maries bracketing us smile and snuggle in a little closer. "Hey sweetie?" She looked down and raised one eyebrow. "I wanna eat something."


    One Co-Location and a bit of being manhandled later I smirked at her and said, "not what I meant and you absolutely know it." I mean, I didn''t stop or anything, because nom, but still. "Can you make me something special to eat today?" A second Co-Location, this time with her in her Maid Uniform with the Optional Armored Attachments. I giggled and said, "you enjoy misinterpreting what I''m saying, don''t you?"


    "Yes."


    "Hey!" I whispered, "I didn''t even say anything about me, you, and eating that time."


    She smugged at me. "Nope." On the one hand, there was not another of me with Marie using my mop of hair like handlebars. On the other hand, did you know feline tongues are made to scrape meat off of bones? I am now intimately familiar with this fact. Okay, I was before, but she reminded me.


    "Is this going to wind up a daily occurrence, my magnificent Murder Mittens?" She grinned and nodded. No more Co-Location; our Library hideout was getting a little crowded. I scooched around and said, "help me sit up without waking everyone else?" She clamped her hands under my shoulders and pulled me, excruciatingly slowly, up to sit on her lap. Saffron, who''d been using her other thigh as a body pillow, wriggled around to glomp both our thighs together and wriggle her face in before she started snoring again. I looked back up to Marie to see the expression I felt on my own face mirrored in hers.


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    "Marie?"


    "Yes?"


    "I get distracted a lot. I do dumb shit. I''ve tried to do it for better reasons, but I still do dumb shit. I can''t help but think at some point it might wind up ending me. It''s already put me down for days, even weeks, when I couldn''t do shit except lie here in bed resting..." I lay my head against her chest. "Protect them?" I felt her nod, but said, "please, I know you will, but can I hear you say it?"


    Always and forever, until Kronos fails, Dearest One.


    I buried my face in her chest and cried. No idea why. I wasn''t sad. I wasn''t hurt. I wasn''t afraid, not really. Relief, maybe? She held me while we sat there; I''d kind of intended on necking, but this just felt righter.


    Not like we weren''t getting our freak on four times over down in the Library. But while that was fun, and awesome, and incredibly de-stressing, and I wouldn''t willingly give it up for the world, this was... nicer. If I''d had to collapse into one of me in that instant, I definitely knew which one I''d chose, and it wouldn''t be any of the ones in the Library.


    When Saffron stirred, I straightened up a little bit, pulling away from the damp spot on Marie''s fur. "Good morning, you two." Wordlessly we each put a hand under one of her armpits and pulled her up to her knees, nearly eye to eye to us. She took her time kissing first me, then Marie good morning. Then, after draping her arms around our necks and hugging us both, she grabbed our ears and pointedly bonked our noses together until, laughing, we took the hint and kissed. "There. Much better to face the day fortified with the taste of loves filling our mouths, don''t you think?"


    Marie and I slid apart, snickering, and the Library Reveler Count jumped to sixteen. I know what I said about crowding, but she''s little and fits in small spaces well. Fuck off.


    Then Saffron stretched and frowned. "I am sorry, loves, but I think I''ll be needing to return to work today."


    "Aw... no more Worship?"


    She flicked my nose. "You know very well you''ll get that too, you glutton."


    "I thought you were the glutton?"


    "Like recognizes and calls to like. Basic Magic Theory." She put the back of one wrist to her forehead and declaimed, "I have ruined your education forever by sneaking you past essential classes!"


    While we laughed at that, another country was heard from. "Aww siwwy." When we turned to look, she held her hands out to us. "Up! Up!"


    We scooped her up and everybody got good morning Isnomi kisses, which bore an unpleasant resemblance to getting licked by a Saint Bernard this morning. We retaliated with hugs and tickles until Marie sighed and said, "Breakfast."


    When we got down to the Dining Hall, two Maries stood there with an extra big tray they set in front of me the moment I sat down. Then the Marie who''d accompanied us down whipped the cover off to reveal a diorama of Johnson''s Green done up in Spicy Eggs and Jalapeno Scrapple. It even had five little figures made out of bread. Okay, four roll sized dudes and one that was like five loaves put together for Olga. There was even a little sausage person with red peppers wrapped around her not entirely unlike Saffron had put The Dress on me. "Aww... So sweet!"


    I turned to give Marie''s lips some appreciation, which left the folks who''d been watching me gawping like they''d all just seen something incomprehensible crawl out of the Uncanny Valley screaming about wanting to eat souls and gonads. Marie and the gapers distracted me long enough for Saffron to reach out and snag mini-sausage me and pop it in her mouth. Okay, she wound up with her eyes crossing as she apparently had to ignore her gag reflex to swallow it whole. I opened my mouth to complain, but her broad grin shut my mouth.


    "Fair."


    "Yeah, yeah, yeah, Murder Mittens. Turnabout''s fair play." I tilted my head back until I could see her standing behind me. "So, how many failed attempts did you eat before you made that one?"


    "None." I raised an eyebrow. Okay, I was upside down, so I lowered it? No idea which it counts as, but it didn''t matter when she said, "Four."


    "Close your eyes!" I knew better than to argue with playful Saffron, so I just turned toward her, my eyes closed. "Open your mouth!" I opened, only to have bread stuffed into my mouth, more of it pressing on both sides of my face. When I opened my eyes, Saffron had the bread-Olga stuffed into my mouth crotch first. She giggled. "I had to do something to fortify me for the endless torture of Council Meetings."


    "Fair point. Marie?"


    "Yes?"


    "Can one of you stick with her today?"


    Before Marie could reply, Saffron bonked me on the head with the remains of bread Olga. "I am fully capable of..."


    "Shutting your adorable mouth and accepting that the Imperator needs a bodyguard who can focus on her so she can focus on fixing our shit."


    Command me, My Goddess.


    Really? Eh, fuck it. I command you, accept Marie as your bodyguard.


    As my Goddess wishes.


    Why?


    I am, apparently, more prideful than I am smart. But prideful me isn''t smart enough to outsmart smart me.


    I laughed as, out loud, she said, "as you wish, my love. I do wish I could stay longer, but now the Alliance military needs to launch our Calverton campaign, not to mention integrating our new military assets."


    "So I murder the fuck out of some poor bastards, get an involuntary lung piercing, give you an entire City''s military and not one but two Jotnar femurs that should be shipping up here soon, and my reward is you going back to work?"


    "Oh, you loved doing all that. Don''t pretend you didn''t."


    "Well, yeah. Even if I do feel sort of guilty about how much I loved some of it. But that''s all beside the point. I won, and this is my prize? I''mma go be grumpy now."


    "No love," eight Saffrons in the Library whispered into my ears, "my newest Skill is your reward." Then she demonstrated, and all ten of my eyes might have perma-crossed.


    Back in the Dining Hall I managed to force out, "okay. Fair point. Sorry I said anything."


    "You absolutely are not."


    I grinned at her. "Nope. Not really."


    Once I demolished the diorama after acting out some of the fights with an extra sausage me that eventually went down Menace''s maw, we went up to the Practice Yard, where I got the hopefully final bit of being unpleasantly fucked by my own success. "Good morning, Diaz."


    "Good morning, Marshall. Who am I sparring today?"


    "Nobody."


    "Ah, hell. I guess I run laps then?"


    "Nope. Worse."


    "Worse?"


    He nodded. "You get to help me teach."

 Day Three Hundred And Twenty

    Dear Diary,


    As a kid, I always thought adults were all about power and wealth and doing whatever the fuck you wanted, since you had the money and the authority, but I''m coming to realize that unless you''re a complete waste of oxygen, you only get that authority from taking responsibility for shit.


    I''m guessing that money''s the same way. Again, unless you''re a douchnozzle big enough to clean Olga''s vag in one go. Given how many people with ridiculous amounts of power and wealth are utter dicks about how they use it, I''m guessing there''s some kind of filter that only lets utter dickheads collect more power or money than they need to get the job done. Then again, looking at me and Saffron, who I really hope don''t wind up becoming yet another layer on the shit pyramid, there always seems to be a little left over. Like, money or power or whatever. Like, I get it. I''m rich now. Even if after paying off the Duelist''s Guild and getting everything sorted out, I''ve got no actually money dollars left, I''ll still own at least a couple battleships, and if you think I''m not using at least one of the guns as a phallic object, you haven''t been paying attention. Which is the kind of ''rich and powerful person'' flex that deserves a little side eye, I guess, but if somebody came up with a convincing argument against one of me straddling one or all of the guns while they fire I''ll not do that.


    Now I''m wondering if people who collect all that wealth and power are really just super efficient or shit. I mean, other than shit taking way longer than I want it to, Saffron always manages to get everything done with whatever she''s got at hand, so obviously there will be leftover wealth and power, right? Then again, super rich people back in the where and when of Eastside always left the job half assed, if they even finished it at all. And my Kitten, who is my own personal definition of ''effective leadership'' looks good all wealthy and powerful, has a prominently full ass, and never leaves me unfinished. Not by accident, anyhow. We''re not gonna talk about what a certain sadistic bitch does when she''s got a bug up her ass about my sense of humor.


    So maybe the ones who are actually using that assorted wealth and power as intended are still gonna get the privilege of licking the beaters, which has an entirely different ring to it when you consider me, and Marie, and our Kitten''s new Skill, but if somebody''s just accruing that shit, they''re obviously Not Getting The Fucking Job Done. Wait, does the same thing apply to, like, Godding? Shit, I wonder if Loki knows?


    Daughter, if I even understood your question, I would answer it, but I''m afraid I''m a bit spun about by the whirlwind that is, well, you between the ears.


    Oh. Yeah. Sorry, Boss. Do the Gods who accrue all the Worship and Glory and squat on it like Cane Toads do on anything that resembles an organic hole get the Godding job done, or do they half ass it?


    Most of them, my own Patriarch and that of the Greeks included, believe the accumulation of Worship and Glory to be the entirety of a Deity''s job.


    Right, so they definitely fall in the ''half assing'' category then. Unless it''d be better to measure partial assing with more granularity? Like, three quarter assing might be trying but incompetent, and quarter assing is straight up deliberately not doing the job?


    Paper rustled. Not to interrupt, but I assure you, both Odin and even moreso Zeus are utter and complete asses.


    No, not asses. Assing. Different thing entirely.


    But... didn''t you mention something about your petite paramour''s posterior?


    You expect consistency from who again? That''s like expecting Cane Toads to not fuck any open organic orifice.


    Ah. Point to you, Daughter.


    Thanks Boss, you''re the best.


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    I know.


    Yeah, yesterday I wound up spending an entirely frustrating day reffing, explaining, and showing sixteen Advanced Combat Training Cadets the finer points of shit wrecking. I think the only thing anybody learned about anything is that when it comes to shit wrecking there is an entire world of difference between native talent and learned skill. Guess which one I have?


    By midmorning I hit my limit and decided to run laps. I mean, I still had to keep teaching, but I had one of me sprinting off the excess frustration while I did. Which, considering I''d never actually de-Co-Located from the Library Love Shack, tells you something about my frustration levels. By lunchtime a whole squad of me ran endless laps around the perimeter of the Practice Yard. At one point I stepped one of me over to where duBois was giving some demonstrations of subtle differences in nerve pressure holds and asked, "can I switch classes and help you with Basic Combat Training?"


    "Denied."


    "Why not?"


    Without letting go of the hold he had his current demo partner in, he replied, "that class wouldn''t push you, and those kids haven''t figured out my Co-Location or Translocation tricks yet. You''d totally give the game away."


    By mid afternoon I Co-Located one of me to the Library and started looking for books on combat techniques. It took me the rest of the day, and I didn''t get through more than a quarter of the main floor, but I found two. I didn''t have time to actually sit down and read them, because I figured even a shitty teacher who stayed present and on the job was better than one who zoned out to read a book in another room. By the time I got that far in my search, class had dismissed, and I just kinda forgot to actually sit down and read. I collapsed down to just the mes in the Library and kept searching. I think it must have been around six AM when I found a third book, realized how late it was, and walked down to the front of the Library, where Sister Cheryl sat restoring some books.


    Of course she reminded me books weren''t to leave the Library.


    I stood there, mouth hanging open, until my memory kicked in. "Shit. Sorry. I''m stupid, I forgot."


    She straight up thwapped me with the stick she''d been using to smooth some papers. "You are not stupid, Cadet Diaz. Forgetful, perhaps. Scatterbrained, definitely. But not stupid."


    I shot her a wry grin. "Thanks, Sister." I Co-Located to our rooms, handed Sister Cheryl the originals of the books, and set my Co-Located copies on the corner of Saffron''s desk.


    She looked up at me from her coding window and asked, "reading material?"


    I shrugged. "DuBois has me teaching part of the class, and I realized that I don''t really think about what I do much, so it''s hard to teach."


    "So... you brought home books about... fighting?"


    Her saying it like that made it sound even stupider than I''d thought. I reached for them. "Yeah, I guess it wasn''t..."


    She slammed her hand down on the books, slapping my hand incidentally in the process. Her other arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me to her. "I am so proud of you," she muttered into my belly. "I know you, love. You''d read for pleasure any day, and you learn quite a bit from that, but forcing yourself to read something about something you already know? That will be a very unpleasant kind of torture for you."


    I rolled my eyes. "You didn''t have to say the part I was trying to ignore out loud."


    She looked up into my eyes, and the pile o shenanigans in the Love Shack reconfigured with surprising speed. "Oh, but I want you to know exactly what I''m rewarding you for, love."


    I snerked. "Didn''t you say you were gonna save all that up for my Inevitable Day Of Reckoning?"


    She pulled back, set my books upright next to a few I only just now noticed she''d brought home for her own research, then looked back up at me, putting her hands on her cheeks and making the world''s shittiest Kevin McCallister ''I am surprised'' face. "Oh, no. You have discovered my Nefarious Plan to lazily just accrue everything for that day, previously discharged or not."


    Some very confused butterflies roamed my general bellybutton region. "Oh. Oh, my. I''m in danger."


    She laughed and hugged me. "No, love." Then she looked up without pulling away, so I could barely see her eyes past my own tits. "You will be."


    "Oh shit?"


    "Indeed."


    I thought about it for a second, and my thoughts drifted, as they might with the whole three to one ratio in the Love Shack. "Nah. Not gonna worry about it. That''s a problem for Future Tabitha."


    One eyebrow went up. "Future Tabitha?"


    I nodded. "Oh, yeah. She''s great. When I''ve got no idea how to figure something out? I leave it to her. She''s all over that shit. I need to figure out a way to thank her."


    "Perhaps leave her some cake? Hidden love letters? Hire a squad of prostitutes to ambush you at a random later date?" She laughed, shaking her head. "I''m almost afraid to ask your opinion of Past Tabitha?"


    "That bitch? She deserves a hornet''s nest shoved up her cooch. She''d just better hope I never figure out a way to get my hands on her."


    I kinda spoilt my reward, as all nine Saffrons of which I was aware lost it laughing at that point.


    Worth.

 Day Three Hundred And Twenty-One

    Dear Diary,


    I never really realized how much I lean on my hyper-focus when it comes to learning shit, nor how much I loathe reading shit that defies focusing on it.


    I mean, I guess I kinda realized my first real Monday here and now. Trying to read some of those books I borrowed from the library? Utterly painful. Like, I''d rather sand my nips off with a rusty cheese grater. But then time passed, and I only had to dive into those books to, like, find specific shit about laws or whatever. It''s pretty clear how much I didn''t do even that, what with not really knowing much beyond, ''I am the law''. Which, now that I think about it, is just another step on the shit pyramid.


    Wait, is the Shit Pyramid like, an Egyptian Great Pyramid smoothed sucker, or one of the earlier chunky ones, or a Mesoamerican stepped one, or even one of those East Asian ones I don''t know the name for? Because the Egyptian Golden Age one seems streamlined to have as much shit as possible wind up at the very base, whereas while the Mesoamerican ones had those rockin'' blood grooves to drain off the excess sacrifice juice, pretty much every stepped layer would accumulate its own layers of shit. Meanwhile I don''t remember the name of the East Asian pyramid style, but I think they were temples, and they had, like, shingles and shit. So they''ve got the whole Deity connection and would probably be as good or better than the Egyptian ones at delivering shit to the bottom of the pyramid.


    On balance, though, given exactly how much shit I realize Larry received before I, y''know, took him on as my very own special, ''fuck you, Lenny, you use my wife as bait, I un-dysfunctional your family''!'' project, I''m gonna have to go with the Mesoamerican ones. Y''know, I kinda wonder if any of the pyramids exist in the here and now.


    Boss?


    Yes, Daughter?


    Are step Pyramids a thing down in the isthmus between Atlantis and whatever continent is south of us?


    I''ve never actually been down there.


    Really?


    Some of them are a little... extreme for my tastes.


    Whoa. Do I need to put them on my list of people who need a stern talking to?


    Silence reigned in my head for a minute. Okay, the background noise hadn''t stopped in as long as I can remember, but you know what I mean. Should you choose to interfere in the affairs of other Pantheons, might I suggest you speak with the Tricksters of those Pantheons, perhaps arrange a non-violent meeting before you, how did you put it, ''roll in guns blazing''?


    Aw, you''re no fun.


    ...


    Okay, fine, you''re a blast and all, but I had so much fun down in Norfolk.


    Another pregnant pause. Isn''t that what you were afraid of, Tabitha Diaz?


    Fuck. Oh, fuck me. Fuckity fucking fucknuggets. Thanks Boss. I need time to think about this.


    Even though you fail and fall, I cannot help but admire and be proud of the heights you aspire to, Daughter.


    Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    So, I dunno if step Pyramids are a thing. But now I want to make a giant washing machine, shove the Great Pyramid at Giza halfway into it, then steal a Pyramid from Mesoamerica and prop it up on the one that''s stuck in the washing machine. I mean, if nobody''s gonna get your jokes because they aren''t Men of Culture, you might as well tell them so loud they echo through the ages, right?


    Back to reading, though, I spent all day yesterday in our suite, trying to puzzle out the three books I found. Of course, the first one I pulled out had to be ''Principles of Heroic Magick''. Because apparently I hate myself enough to not yeet that shit into the sun like it desperately deserves. By mid morning, I tapped out of the fuckin Library Love Shack after the fourth time I found myself focused entirely on the texture of Marie''s fur. Before you ask, ''but weren''t you supposed to focus on Combat Training?'' I figured there might be something useful to Lug''s stuff. I mean, ''Strong Arm'', ''Swift Foot'', and ''Thick Skin'' might be the most unimaginative names I''ve read, but you can''t deny they sound like shit that would be useful in a fight.


    With that in mind, I went through what the steps the book listed for learning the Skills. ''Strong Arm'' listed out some pretty basic arm workouts. Curls, one armed presses, stuff I didn''t know the name for, but had seen football players back at Eastside doing when I went to the weight room by the gym for research purposes.


    What? Researching imagery for my mental spank bank is still research. I take my me time very seriously. Well, as seriously as I take anything.


    At any rate, a Co-Located one of me went through the equipment sheds looking for weights. On the plus side, the Academy had a couple decent weight sets, both the ones we''d used for testing and training, and a couple others used for folks focused on Strength training in Individual Physical Training. Unfortunately, I didn''t really think about the side effects of having Mimicked the guys down in Norfolk. I''m not sure how much the dumbbells weighed, but the biggest one looked not entirely unlike somebody''d built a semi tractor dual wheel out of metal. Feeling kinda goofy after spending too much time trying to figure out bullshit, I reached out, wrapped my hand around the grip, and yanked.


    I think I might have knocked another tooth out. I swallowed something when I smashed that shit into my face, at any rate. I sighed, brought it with me out of the shed, and stood there doing curls while I focused on reading ''thick skin''. Which, frankly, I''m not sure I needed, but the other Cadets might. Apparently, the trick was to let yourself get injured. I checked my Status, saw no ''Thick Skin'', and figured if I didn''t have it yet, I wasn''t going to get it. Then I remembered that whole ''Juveniles don''t get Skills'' thing and hit myself in the face with the dumbbell again.


    Before I even looked at ''Swift Foot'', I decided to ask an expert. I walked over the armoire, slid the door open, and called out, "Son, do you have a moment?"


    Somehow he popped up from the top of the door, but without transiting the space between there and the floor, he stood in front of me. "Yes, Mother dear?"


    This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.


    "I had maybe a couple questions about Heroic Skills." I waggled the book at him.


    His lips twitched.


    I closed my eyes, sighed, and said, "out with it."


    "I''m afraid I might be at least partially at fault there. Although in my defense, I was much younger at the time. And it was, in my opinion, hilarious."


    I held the book up, not sure whether to bludgeon him with it or not. "You wrote this?"


    "NO!" He actually looked offended. "What do you take me for? The grammar in that pile of incoherent ramblings is atrocious. No, I simply created enough copies to see that it would never truly cease to be. I have a few more..." he snatched the book away, flipped through the pages, "although in much better condition, with much better initial quality, stored around here somewhere." He handed my copy back. "I just find it hilarious when would be ''Heroes'' turn to this... thing."


    "So it''s so much bullshit?"


    His face scrunched up, more expression than I''d seen on him in a while. "Not as such? Nothing in there is technically incorrect, but it''s written from the perspectives of individuals who paid little to no attention while they were acquiring their Skills, and thus had only he vaguest of ideas how to acquire or enhance them." Then he snickered again.


    I put on my best Mom face and voice. "And?"


    "I think it''s hilarious how far those training to be Heroes will go to get ''Thick Skin''."


    My lips twitched. "Like?"


    "I am still uncertain if he thought his body would become immune to damage, or to the loss of his head, or... I''m not certain what other things the dolt might have thought, but the ''Hero'' who auto-decapitated in an attempt to improve his ''Thick Skin'' will always remain a fond memory."


    I couldn''t help it. I''d hit the point of laugh or cry. I laughed, for more than a little while.


    "Okay, Son. I need some advice on how to learn physical enhancement Skills."


    "Really?"


    I shrugged. "I''m supposed to be teaching other people. I can''t do that if I have no idea what I''m doing."


    He nodded, sudden enlightenment shining in his eyes. "Ah! Yes, I can offer advice then. First, you''re aware that Mana is, in fact, a form of Energy, yes? Like heat, or light, or electricity?"


    "Wasn''t aware as such, but yeah, that makes sense."


    He nodded again, then said, "Mana is generated exclusively by living things."


    I nodded in response, then stopped and tilted my head. "What about ley lines?"


    He shook his head the tiniest bit. "Ley lines do not generate Mana. They are flows of Mana from places where it is created in excess concentration to places where it is either less common or more easily dispersed."


    "Uh. Okay, yeah, I can get that. What about Skills?"


    "Almost all living things, even some incapable of manipulating Mana in any other way, use Mana to enhance themselves. While sapient living things have found ways to Shape Mana to create effects not seen in nature, the simplest things to do with Mana are to enhance what a living thing can already do."


    I thought about that for a second. "You mean, like, just dumping mana into my arms when I want to lift more?"


    "I would strongly recommend reinforcing your legs and spine as well, but yes, Mother dearest, that is the meat of it."


    "So if I really wanted to learn this stuff, practicing according to the book while channeling Mana into my body would help?"


    "Indubitably."


    "Okay. Thanks, Son!"


    "Any time, Mother Dearest."


    "Gotta go get back to work." I stopped at the door. "Open or closed?"


    "I''ve no preference."


    "I''ll leave it ajar, in case you need us?"


    "Thank you, Mother dearest."


    So I set the me down in the Practice Yard to doing laps, as per the listed method for ''Swift Foot'', focusing on my internal Mana flow, trying to nudge it down to my legs. Of course, the book said to ''race someone who might be faster than you'', so I popped off another me and had them spend the day doing ever faster laps.


    Meanwhile back in the suite I set ''Principles of Heroic Magick'' aside and picked up... well, when I picked it off the shelf, a combination of six AM and lowered lights made me think I''d found an absolute treasure. This one had the title on the first page inside the cover, and when I absentmindedly read, "A Exhausted Comprehensive Gide to Powerful Eastern Marital Arts, with Detailed Lifelike Illustrations, as compiled by Hirshfeld and Scott'', I might have made the natural misread. On the other hand, this one sure as shit had my complete focus for most of the rest of the afternoon. I even rejoined Saffron and Marie in the Love Shack to try some of that shit out.


    On the one hand, by sunrise on Saturday I definitely had at least two new kinks, for a granular enough value of ''kink''. On the other hand, for somebody with no body modesty, sense of personal space, or shame, some of those positions were really fuckin'' hardcore submission holds, and those adjectives apply in any combination you can think of.


    Next Thursday would be way more fun than this one.


    Of course, right around sunset somebody knocked on the suite door. Marie answered it, came in, and shook me until I crankily dropped out of my reader''s trance. Closing my book around my finger so as not to lose my place, I walked over to the door to find duBois leaning against the doorframe. He either didn''t recognize the book or chose not to comment, just said, "I kinda hoped you''d be here. Any chance you could at least take a break with the laps in the Practice Yard?"


    I shrugged and brought those two mes to a sliding stop. Which turned into at least three ricochets off of corners. "Uh..."


    "Yeah. Thanks. The Cadets training didn''t dare try to get out. I came by here because I heard them yelling."


    The mes in the Practice Yard looked around to see the other Cadets darting through the door opposite where I stood. "Why didn''t they say anything to me?"


    He just smirked. "Good book?"


    I collapsed those mes back into me and flipped him off. "I''ve been trying to read up on combat techniques, or at least how to get Skills that might apply."


    He tilted his head, looking at the book in my hand. "I don''t recognize that one. Did you pick it up outside the Academy?"


    "Uh... yeah."


    "Mind if I take a look?"


    I clutched my prize to my chest. "Uh. Maybe when I''ve really mastered everything in this one."


    He shrugged. "Okay. I look forward to you showing me when you do. G''night." I''m not sure if he noticed me choking on my own spit or not, or why he chose to ignore it and walk away anyway, but I decided right then and there that ''submission holds'' would feature prominently in his Gold Watch. Don''t look at me like that, you know as well as I do that Future Tabitha will absolutely forget that shit.


    The following day in Law and Custom, still maybe not entirely coherent after a night of intense study of Marital Arts, I stole Saffron''s attention away from her coding. "Can you maybe help me put together something like ''Law and Custom'' for Norfolk?"


    "The ''Law'' portion will be excessively short, you realize?"


    "Yeah, well, I gotta figure out a way to beef that up then, and get buy in, which means I need to learn those Customs, don''t I?"


    She folded one arm under her breasts, propping her other elbow on her hand, tapping at her teeth with her fingernails. "You know I''d rather be working on Inspect."


    I lay a hand on her shoulder. "I know, Kitten, and I don''t want to foist off all my work on you, but... there are more girls like Hilde down there, who shouldn''t have to wait on my insufficiently organized brain to have someone turn their world into something less oppressive than daily rape and scullery duty."


    She blew a dual lungful of air out of her nose. "Fine. Spoilsport."


    I gave her a bit of ''down the nose'' side eye at that. "What?"


    She put on an absolute mockery of Menace''s mulish face and said, "I don'' wanna help," then her whole posture shifted, becoming vaguely confrontational as her eyes fluttered half closed. "Make me."


    Yeah, one shoulder grab and a Co-Location later, Submission Holds were Employed. I never said they weren''t fun as shit. Just really fuckin'' impossible to get out of. Which is absolutely why I was weaponizing them as fast as possible. Next time some asshole comes at me all, ''I kill you, I kill your family, I kill your cow!'', I''m gonna see if I can make him auto-fellate himself. Sure as shit seems more merciful than using his skull to show off my mighty Kegels, y''know?


    ''Needing to be forced to'', and I can''t even say that with a straight face, or not, Saffron helped me find, decipher, and understand everything in the Library on customs which did or might apply to Norfolk. By the end of the day we had enough notes to make an actual ''Law and Custom of Heroic: Norfolk Edition'', and I knew that the next thing I''d have to do is call for a, and I shit you not this is the actual name, ''Thing'' where all the Jarls met, with multiple possible Moots to dispense with any potential personal disputes before we all sat down and hammered out some actual Laws for Norfolk.


    Shit. I thought I''d dodged this particular bullet when I made Saffron Imperator.

 Day Three Hundred And Twenty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    At some point the whole ''can only focus on one thing at a time'' will come back and bite me in the ass, I''m pretty sure of it.


    I mean, right at the moment? I kinda wish I could put one of me in each of my recent acquired Jarldoms, just to make sure nobody decides to go on a rape and murder spree while I''m not there. Like, so I could stop it. Not to join in. Despite what my tentacled alter ego seems to think about the idea of anybody else''s Agency being vaguely akin to bubble wrap. Y''know, the shit you cannot help but pop, just because it''s there. Although to be fair that''s an insult to the word ''think''. Bitch barely emotes properly. So far I think I''ve felt ''enraged'', ''scared'', and ''hungry''.


    Yes, I''m growing increasingly annoyed at the thought that despite having foisted such things off on my gorgeous Wife, I''m still gonna need to head down to Norfolk and do... blech. Politics. Paperwork. Organizational shit. Which I suck at, by the way. If I were at least confident I wouldn''t fuck it up this wouldn''t be nearly so bad. I could just tell myself ''self, do this job right and there will be extra Kinky Fun Time in store for you''. I mean, she''d know I was lying, because no way will I forgo any available fun time. It''s like those old ''when you''ve studied for fifteen minutes, reward yourself with a cookie!'' ADHD ''helpful suggestions''. Look, bitch, I am not two years old. I can both reach the cookie jar and my object permanence is nominally functional. For a value of functional that means ''I will eat the cookies now, then forget I ate them later and be sad when the cookie jar is empty''.


    Dammit, now I want cookies. Fortunately for keeping my svelte figure, I''m not all that into sweets in the here and now, and when I get that kind of urge my Kitten has built me the ultimate cookie jar.


    Kitten and I finally collapsed all our asses back into bed late last night after doing a quick re-read through our collected Norfolk customs lore. Overall it wasn''t anywhere near as bad as I''d worried it would be. Basically, the original ''Jarls'', or chiefs who founded the City were ship captains who wanted their own Jarldoms, but Scandinavia not exactly having an excess of available land, they sailed on over to Atlantis. Of course, they weren''t going anywhere settled or even really explored at the time, so the ''Karls'', or free men back home didn''t have a whole lot of reason to come along. Instead, the mostly brought people who couldn''t say ''no''. ''Thralls''. Slaves. Apparently over in Europa they were battle captives, and half the time they wound up getting adopted, or married, or becoming Karls through like, a bunch of other ways.


    Most of which required an abundance of Jarls and Karls. Like, based on Saffron''s estimates, in Europa only like four in ten people in any given village will be Thralls, and then only right after a big raid comes back with a bunch of new ones. The only people who wind up lifelong Thralls are the ones too unpleasant to join a local family, or the ones made Thralls as punishment for a crime, or the really unlucky fuckers who keep getting stolen or traded away to different Jarls, which isn''t super common. Pretty much the bulk of the people over there are freemen.


    In Norfolk? One Jarl per village. Ten to twenty Karls, most of them warrior types who want the Jarl''s chair. Hundreds, even thousands of Thralls, who are all kept in check through a combination of recruiting any combat talented Thralls to be new Warrior Karls and the Legion of Trolls sworn to the King and loaned out to the Jarls in penny packets. Apparently the Lizard Bois had a kingdom somewhere down in Germany or Denmark or something, but got kicked out by some dude named ''Honey Seeking Bear''. I mean, I totally get it. If Winnie the Pooh kicked my ass? I''d go looking for someplace to hide out until the end of time too. Apparently it''s not really the cold that gets them, either; they''re just hardcore diurnal or some shit. Like, they''re fine at night if it''s bright enough, but put them in a dark room and they go directly the fuck to sleep.


    Hell, maybe they''re birds. Maybe they''re the long lost descendants of the dinosaurs.


    Yes, I am trying very hard not to think about how I now own a Legion of Trolls.


    So I got sleep last night. Mimic apparently got the message about Norfolk, because that bitch stretched her fat ass halfway down the coast to Jackville. I think I''m getting a better grip on the flavors of Worship, too. There''s the sort of organized, directed, personal shit from my High Priestesses and worshippers who report direct to them. Then there are my good old psychedelic tadpole homies, who still exist, but except for the ones in the water are kinda weaksauce. Then again, that''s only really in an individual sense; all put together the tadpoles are pretty potent. But I still prefer the flavor my KItten and Murder Mittens throw into things. Then there''s something new coming from Norfolk way. A sort of, I dunno, really rigid, regimented kind of thing. Like not really ''worship'' so much as... obedience. Deliberate subordination. Not sure if I like it or not. Definitely there, though. Gotta figure out what that''s all about while I''m down there, too.


    So after staying awake far too long, Saffron and I both slept late. Marie and Isnomi woke us, with Isnomi sitting on my side with her feet propped on Saffron while she played patty cake with the Marie watching over us, whose thighs had more or less permanently replaced our pillows. Then again, I woke with my arms around Saffron''s, hers curled up between us, so I found myself fully willing to play furniture for Menace. Saffron stirring into her morning wakeup routine a few moments later just pushed the morning from wonderful into perfection.


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    The only tiny fly in the ointment was that, eventually, it had to end and we had to go to class. Well, okay, we all went to class, Saffron took a Marie to the Inter-City Council Meeting, another Saffron stayed home to code with a Marie sitting on the floor doing handwork, with one of me lying on the bed trying not to get too distracted by my Marital Arts book, and one of me hopped down to Gregor''s throne room. Okay, I managed to steal away a Saffron and two Maries to test out submission holds in the Library, but by now that''s a given, right?


    It turned out that ''do whatever you want'' included rolling into the fuckin'' King''s council chamber at the crack of noon. They all seemed more than a little surprised to see me. "Hey, guys. S''up?"


    Olga looked down at me. "What''s up is that you''re in my chair."


    "Yeah, yeah, but not your seat, as of yet." She nodded her acknowledgement of my point, and I continued with, "that might change, though."


    "You have my undivided attention."


    I glanced at Weyson and Svart, both of whom took seats and listened. "Yeah, here''s the thing. I''m almost as shitty at kinging as I am good at shit wrecking. So while I''m absolutely keeping every bit of property that I don''t owe you for showing up to fight me, I''m looking for someone to take over the actual job of running shit around here." When they all nodded, I said, "I''m not promising anything yet, but I also don''t want to stick someone with the job if they''re gonna tank it just to spite me. So, are any of you three interested?"


    Svart shrugged. "I could. Don''t want to. But somebody needs to. But Weyson would be better. Either of us can do the numbers, but he''s better with people."


    Weyson shook his head, "I will do my best if selected, but I have no desire for the position. Precisely because I am better with people."


    After the other two finished, Olga leaned down and said, "I''ll take the job. I know a good quartermaster and foreign minister to do the parts I don''t want. Also, I think it would be funny to refer to a certain cranky puss as my ''consort''."


    I smiled as Svart went. "Words dinnae bother me, woman."


    "I''ll get him some skimpy outfits... maybe something with a collar and a little chain?"


    Before Svart could explode, I interrupted. "Okay, that''s one thing that''s changing. We can work out a reasonable timeline, like maybe a month, for implementing it, to make sure nobody dies, but slavery? Done. Not gonna be legal in any part of the Alliance."


    "So we''re to be part of the Alliance then?"


    I nodded to Svart, "With official access to crossbows and other good shit like that, too." When he nodded to acknowledge my point, I continued. "Couple other things. First, I need you three to arrange a Thing." I felt stupid saying it, but they all nodded like I hadn''t just been ambiguous as fuck. "We''re going to be setting up some written laws, and I want every Jarl to get a chance to speak on what goes on the list and what doesn''t. Laws that apply to everybody, mind you. Not one set for Jarls and another for Karls. Everybody follows them, or they pay the same penalties."


    "Some of them won''t like that," murmured Weyson.


    "They can grow a pair and deal, or grow a bigger pair and come at me, at which point I''ll cut them off and feed them to them. I''m willing to give on a lot of shit. But the law being the same for everybody? Not a point under debate."


    "Yes, your Majesty."


    "Shit, I''m not King."


    "By our current laws you are, at least until someone defeats you in a duel or you abdicate. Or you die, but after he shot you and I hit you with Thor''s own lightning, I doubt that will happen any time soon."


    "Okay. So you three arrange the Thing." They nodded. "Also tell the Jarls and anybody else who needs one we''ll be holding arbitrated Moots before the big meeting. I don''t want anyone going in with any debts or grudges. We settle that shit first."


    "What if there are debts that can''t be paid?" Weyson seemed real good at ferreting out problems, but somebody had to keep my sorry ass in line. His job today, I guessed.


    "I''ll figure out a way to pay them. If everybody winds up owing me? Fuck it, I know the only thing I''m gonna do is try to make shit fair, and mostly I''m just gonna sit there and look mean to keep people from fuckin'' around." When they nodded, I said, "three more things. One, all the Trolls are to form up and get ready to march on Calverton."


    Olga smiled, "march?"


    "Yeah, march. Nobody says they have to march on land, and they can breathe under water. They will be marching straight up to the harbor, though, so they''ll need to surface ready to fight undead."


    "Likely hit them sooner." I looked at Svart. "They don''t breathe either."


    "Fair point, good catch. But they all need to form up here first, and I''ll let them know when to leave. So between form up and go time, they need to gather supplies, train, work out some kind of command structure, all that good shit. Next, anybody who wants to volunteer for the Calverton raid forms up here as well."


    "Raid? Aren''t we both in the Alliance?"


    I smiled, "we both are. But the undead are not. We''ll dicker out percentages with the Mayor and General before go time, but I think its only fair if the troops taking the City back get some loot. Nine out of ten Calverton folks are dead. Even if you take half the loot in the City, that still leaves the folks returning with five times as much as they had. Don''t hold me to that number, by the way. Just making a point."


    "And a good one," rumbled Olga. "Will we be marching too?"


    I shook my head. "That''s the third part. Get every ship in Norfolk that can sail to Calverton in whatever harbor will hold them."


    "That''s likely more than we''ll need."


    "More than we''ll need to ship Norfolk''s raiders, but we''ll also be shipping food from Lancaster and Alliance troops. We''re gonna hit this shit as hard as we can, and hope that whatever''s left doesn''t splatter too hard."


    Olga nodded. "You say you''re a poor King, but that sounds like an effective battle plan to me."


    I shook my head. "Don''t blow smoke up my ass, Olga. Thanks to your buddy Weyson, I''m now aware that whatever freaky kinks I''ve got, smoking internally is not one of them."

 Day Three Hundred And Twenty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    Part of me wonders if at some point I''m going to hurt myself too much to keep going, enough that no amount of Healing Magic, Loki Shiatsu or, I dunno, Mimicking a healthy person will bring me back up to anything resembling healthy.


    Should you ever fall too far to rise once more, my Daughter, I will rearrange the Heavens themselves to make a monument worthy of what you''ve attempted.


    I didn''t think stars and shit were part of your Portfolio?


    They''re not.


    Oh. Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    So, yeah, folks intending to avenge or memorialize me when I inevitably push a step too far aside, I really wonder where that step will be. I mean, shit, I think I may have technically offed myself at New Years. I''m not really sure. I''ve definitely taken enough damage to kill half a dozen normal people. I mean, shit, I deliberately goaded Karen into stabbing me in the gut until she got tired. That alone would do for two or three people, I''m sure. Falling into the ocean from a mile up? Yep, that''d do it. Oddly enough, I''m not sure that two inch hole through me would be an immediately lethal thing.


    Getting hit by that much lightning probably should have been though.


    I dunno. I''ve felt myself die. That''s probably the most fucked up thing about Co-Location, really. Although according to duBois, that should probably have killed me too. Maybe it''s ''cause I spread the load so much, with so many other mes around? I mean, who the fuck do I talk to about shit like this?


    Of course, I could pull my head out of my ass and remember that it''s Monday.


    So yesterday after giving Olga, Weyson, and Svart their marching orders, I asked them how long it would take for everything to be ready. They sort of looked at one another, then both of them deferred to Weyson.


    "At a guess? Three days minimum for the Trolls to gather. More likely five. Five days minimum for the Jarls and our Raiders to gather; more likely seven. Nine for the ships."


    "Why so long? And is that a minimum?"


    Weyson shook his head. "No. Although we could probably cut two days off if we told all our Captains to cast off immediately rather than taking on supplies for a Raid."


    "Do we have the supplies here to give them?"


    He held out a hand and waggled it. "Yes, but no. We do have enough supplies to get them all to their destination, but it sounds as if we''ll be wanting our supplies here at the capital to be available to supply the Alliance. Raiders who run out of food just turn around and go home if they can''t steal more. If we''re clearing the Undead out of Calverton, we''ll want supplies for a longer duration."


    "Speaking of, it''s warm enough to grow crops down here now, right?" At their nods, I asked, "is there anything we can have folks plant that will grow fast enough to matter for this campaign?"


    Svart cut in. "Do we care about feeding everyone through the winter as well?"


    "Duh. Yes."


    Svart nodded. "Then we''ll mostly want them to stay with what they''ve planted, but we can always break ground on some new fields, maybe plant some of those laying fallow. It might hurt us years from now, but no worse than having an Undead Calverton City."


    I nodded in return. "Okay. Get the word out to do that as well then. Also, if you''ve got them, plant corn and lima beans."


    Everybody blinked. "We... don''t have nearly as much livestock as the Cities north of us."


    I shook my head. "Trust me on this one? If it doesn''t work you can just blame me."


    They looked at each other. "If you say so."


    "Okay, anything else I''m missing?"


    After a pause, Olga said, "not that I can think of." She leaned down to get closer and speak more softly. "Do we have your permission to put things in motion if they''re needed and we can''t contact you?"


    I thought about that. "Anything to do with the Calverton Campaign or the Thing, yeah. Otherwise... put whatever it is on ice until I get back." She nodded. "Okay, then, I gotta get going."


    Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.


    I didn''t really have to get going, but having people looking to me for direction and leadership gave me hives. I spent the rest of the day reading my Marital Arts book looking for the most embarrassing submission holds I could find. Turns out there''s a big overlap between what''s nigh incomprehensibly hot in private with paramours and what''s probably gonna be embarrassing as hell in the Practice Yard. Then again, maybe shit''ll Just Happen. Right now that sounds like an okay option, because hives.


    So other than dubious Combat Training research, watching as our Healing class tinkered more with the Smite Spell and took turns letting Marie expose portions of their Souls for the others to study, and just lying there staring at Saffron as she worked on her new Inspect, I didn''t do much of anything Sunday afternoon. Sunday night wound up being an all night Marie-fest, although the weird regimented submission thing down in Norfolk got... not stronger. More regimented? Stronger isn''t exactly wrong, but it''s not right, either. I dunno. Maybe I''m imagining it.


    How many times have I told myself that so far since I got Isekaied? Gotta be at least twice, which isn''t a lot, but it''s just weird that it would happen twice.


    Lazy slow morning, but not badly lazy and slow. We missed breakfast in the Dining Hall, but we still caught breakfast at Drivers. After the four of us stepped over to Loki''s cave for the day, I snuck back and got another armful of cr¨¨me stuffed crepes. When we all sat down to breakfast around the table, I pouted until Saffron let me feed her. Okay, I''m not sure if it was the pout or me offering her half of mine, but one way or the other when she finally agreed she cut loose again, hopping over to sit in my lap and kinda melting, draping herself over me to focus entirely on each bite I fed her. I gotta admit, I almost didn''t go through with today''s Nefarious Plan.


    But then I thought about how much I really, really wanted to, and went through with it anyway. Wait, that might also be a pattern. But what with the whole ''Nefarious Plans to Spoil My Wives... uh... Wife and Concubine Rotten''? I''m gonna keep it up anyway. Anybody who doesn''t like it can go find their own wife and / or concubine and not spoil them.


    At any rate, a fully Blended me stood there handing over crepe after crepe, and I fed every damn one of them to Saffron, one torn off bite at a time. by the time I finished, she just kinda lay there, draped over me, groaning a little. Eventually she forced words out past the food coma. "I don''t know how you did that, but if you keep doing it, I''m going to wind up spherical."


    "Eh. Whatever. I''ll just ride you like a yoga ball."


    She snorted. "You would, Goof."


    "Damn straight. I mean, yeah, you''re hot as fuck, and I''ve got no idea how you managed to keep that nice layer of soft over the abs I know are hiding under there, but my Kitten cravings don''t come from your stupid sexy silhouette."


    "No?"


    I shrugged. "I mean, yeah, it helps, but... no, really. It''s you, Kitten."


    "You realize that my body is, in fact, me?"


    I snorted. "Yeah, not the most important part."


    Softly, she whispered, "what is?"


    I smiled down at her. "I can''t decide." I lay my fingers on her forehead. "This." I ran my fingers down her cheek, feather light across her throat, and lay my palm against her breast above her heart. "Or this."


    "I am going to kiss you now, Tabitha Diaz, and if I vomit from trying to do so while stuffed to bursting with crepes, it is entirely your fault and I shan''t stop until I''m satisfied you''ve been fully kissed."


    I laughed. "Oh, can''t have that now." Then I lifted her gently and lay my lips against hers.


    Time flowed oddly in Loki''s cave. I brushed my lips against hers for the briefest of moments. I kissed her for a minute, an hour, a day, an eternity everlasting. Eventually, long before either of us had any need or desire to come up for air, a certain Menace interrupted. "Siwwy."


    Both our lips curved too much to keep kissing, and we both looked at her. While Saffron urped a little at the combination of post kiss bliss and unwanted giggles, I said, "Someday, you might not mind so much."


    Isnomi gave me all the side eye and said, "Isnomi siwwy?" She pondered briefly, then said, "nah!"


    We both laughed, then I followed up with, "well, if you ever change your mind, you know who to ask about how to do it, right?"


    She nodded. "Mama."


    I shook my head. "Nope."


    Now Menace looked kinda doubtful, like I was putting one over on her. "Ma?"


    "As incredibly good as she is at it, no."


    Her brows drew down and she pondered. I let her do it, because it totally distracted her from how my free hand wandered while Saffron remained too food coma to resist. Eventually she looked up. "Siggy?"


    I tilted my head, considering, because I hadn''t really thought about that whole ''Goddess of Marriage'' aspect of our local Victory Goddess. But I shook my head and went with my first answer anyway, because ''Goddess of Marital Devotion'' might have some good kissing skills, but ''Demigoddess built to party'' still had an edge there. "Marie."


    Menace''s eyes got wide. "Riwwy?"


    I nodded, solemnly. Isnomi looked at her Ma, who nodded as well. Then she turned to Sigyn, who said, "I''m thinking of asking her for tips myself now that my daughter mentions it."


    Everybody turned to look at Marie, who managed to look serene even as her blush turned her fur pink. Okay, her fur didn''t really get pink, but so much of it was so thin and her skin so pale that a strong enough blush made it seem that way. She nodded and said, "Yes."


    Isnomi took a minute to digest that, then nodded and said, "oh tay!" Then she scampered over to Sigyn and said, "up! up!" Sigyn, of course, scooped her up into a hug. Girl has her priorities straight.


    After a while spent just vibing, Loki said, "if you don''t mind your wife lounging on my bed, I suspect after facing down the cream of Norfolk, you''ll be needing some correction?"


    I stood, carried Saffron to the bed, which now had something that, with the right imagination, might be considered a ''mattress'', and laid her down. Before she could complain, I stripped down and folded my uniform up for her to use as a pillow. She pouted. "What''s wrong, Kitten?"


    "I wanna watch."


    I rolled my eyes, then shifted her around so she lay across the bed with her head angled to see the table before I walked over, hopped onto the table, and lay down. Face up. because that''s where the hole was. I mean, had been. Really. Totally why.


    Loki and Sigyn both just stared at me, almost like they were trying to glare and couldn''t. Eventually Sigyn broke down laughing. At that, Loki smiled. "Even now, as my daughter, you insist on taunting us both." He chuckled a little. "Does your mischief know no bounds?"


    "C''mon, Boss. Have you met me?"

 Day Three Hundred And Twenty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    Why is it that no matter how much of a reliable impact something has on me, I still can''t reliably remember that impact, nor correctly predict that it will have the same impact the next time I do that shit again?


    Woke up this morning unable to move. That included a troubling degree of ''not breathing'' as well. Okay, one lung worked fine, but they''re meant to work as a matched set. For what it''s worth, my diaphragm, and we''re talking the big breathing muscle here, not the little sperm trampoline, seemed okay, just a little stiff. Any flexing of my chest, though, made my body send me big old ''fuck you'' signs. If that were the only problem I walked away from my corrective massage with, I''d just power though it somehow, but on top of that none of my little bits wanted to work. Y''know, fingers, feet, hands, joints. Something about being kicked across the green like a soccer ball.


    I asked him about it while he worked. Apparently anything that does enough damage will cause my Soul to compensate. With my Endurance where it is, I can compensate for a whole fuckton of problems, too. But every time I do that, my Soul gets a little rattier. When I get that shit realigned? All of a sudden I can feel all of that shit what I done fucked up. Worse, the rattiness has to heal as well. So, like, even though the through and through wound up getting healed by our class, my Soul still wound up all fucked up and in need of repair.


    That''s all to explain why I wound up lying very still this morning when I woke up early after a night of Marie yeets and aggressive subordination from Norfolk. Gotta say, not only is that shit weird as fuck, but it''s also a little disturbing on a deeper level. Like, not the fact that some group of people is doing that, but the fact that I think I like it. Mothra Returns kinda like it. Now, I get it might be confusing why that''s a problem, but along with my allergy to formality and organization, I definitely don''t need some eager legion of fanbois grabbing me up, forcing me to the top of the shit pyramid, and feeding me laxatives. Just... no.


    But that still wound up with me alert with nobody else doing much but snoring. Okay, our Marie-pillow seemed to never get bored or tired of stroking our hair. I couldn''t really tell if the minor pain of her touching bits that still hadn''t quite healed up was, on balance, negated by the warm fuzzies of stroked headpats, but my jaw''s stubborn refusal to cooperate left me with no option but to enjoy it anyway. Oh, no, forced to enjoy headpats! What will the other felines think of me?


    Okay, I know exactly what the other felines are likely to do to me when they realize I''m incapable of running away, and I''m surprisingly okay with it. No, I''m not talking about the sex part. There is absolutely no surprise there, either in what they''re gonna do or that I''m okay with it. It''s the dress up. I''m not sure, but I think there''s some deeply rooted human need to play with dolls, and if its stifled when we''re kids, it comes out with a vengeance when we''re older.


    So I looked up at Marie and quietly thought, you mind making me decent and propping me up in the back of the classroom today?


    She grinned down at me and whispered back, "Maybe."


    I snorted. Not like I''ve got much of a choice. Can''t miss class, can''t move. So, please help me out?


    She just nodded, grinning wider. Then she turned my head to face her, leaned down, which really emphasized the flexibility of her spine, and kissed me. Like, not a peck, or a smooch, or even our more normal tonsil hockey. Which I would have lost, what with my goalie being off the rink due to injury. Yes, you can absolutely lose at a kiss. Not that I ever had. Okay, my mouth had been conquered by Marie''s tongue before, but that was more an invading foreign power, not a game played by ice gremlins with knife shoes. A foreign power that decided to occupy my mouth and mouth-adjacent portions of my anatomy from the moment I asked for her help until we heard Saffron''s snores turn into boot up sniffs.


    When she heard that, her tongue troops pulled out of my tracheal territory, then she head-bunted me before sitting back up. I managed to flop over enough to face Saffron right before her eyes slid open. "Good Morning, Kitten!"


    She smiled as her eyes opened, and she leaned forward to become the second foreign power to conquer Tabitha''s tonsils in the past hour. Unlike our Maenad, she didn''t feel the need to occupy the territory for long enough to elect a local government; when she pulled away she smiled and said, "someone''s been kissing Marie this morning."


    I snickered, "hey, I''m still strung out from Soul Massage. I was totally an object she used to satisfy her oral... wait a minute." I flopped my head around and looked up at Marie, who grinned down at me. "Did you manage to massage my mouth back into working order?"


    She just grinned down at me, at which point Saffron said, "if she''s gone to all the trouble to get you to the point where your mouth can move, it would be a shame to let it atrophy. I prescribe a thorough course of rehabilitative exercise." Then she kissed me again, although she took her time teasing me until I responded. With my mouth, at least, everything else still ached just a bit too much to move. We lay there doing that, Marie occasionally adjusting the angle of my head, because like I said, human-adjacent people and dolls.


    Fuck, I wonder if that''s why Gods do that shit? Maybe we ought to get Mister Kraken some playmates.


    Eventually Isnomi stirred, and we stopped and turned to watch her wake up. Okay, Saffron turned, I got turned, same difference. We paid proper attention to the cute, then got our rewards when she toddled down the bed to hug us each good morning. Once the three of them got dressed, and I wound up getting dressed up by Marie, my magnificent Maenad picked me up and I got to be the one princess carried down to the Dining Hall. Okay, Menace got one too, because she pestered Saffron into doing it. Not that it took all that much; I think Saffron kinda wanted to be the one carrying me. She definitely could have been, but Marie got to me first.


    Stolen story; please report.


    Breakfast at the dining hall still consisted of corncakes and tortillas, although the former had a selection of fruit preserves and whipped cream available, and the latter had so many spring vegetables it really ought to count as some kind of inch thick omelet. No cheese though. I don''t know what''s up with having whipped cream and not having cheese, but I''m not gonna question it, especially given how my Kitten delighted in stealing my corncake from me despite Marie''s best efforts to get it into me before she did.


    "What the hell did you do to yourself now? Also, what the hell are you wearing?" Angel asked.


    I managed to shrug. "I needed some work done to correct some less than optimal healing after all the shit that went down in Norfolk. Oh, and, uh, this is a sports bra, and I dunno if you saw the pants, but they''re shorts. From a boys'' school uniform."


    "Boys'' school? Is there something you need to tell us, Diaz?"


    I nodded solemnly. "Yes. My Maid has bizarre fashion sense."


    "No." Marie interrupted.


    "No?"


    "Exposure." She grinned so big I''m surprised she didn''t have her tongue hanging out.


    After the laughter and food both ran out, she picked up Menace, Saffron scooped me up, and we walked up to Strategy and Logistics. Marie and Isnomi gave hugs and kisses when they parted from us on the stairs, Isnomi headed for a day of hang gliding with Marie. Marie, of course, followed us as well, scooping us both up about halfway along the corridor to the classroom.


    "This is incredibly undignified," groused my Kitten.


    "Yes."


    "You will not do this in either Council chambers," she demanded.


    "Emergencies."


    She pouted, even worse because with me still in her arms she couldn''t fold her arms under her chest. "Fine." As we stepped into the classroom Marie Co-Located all three of us to the Love Shack as well, holding Saffron next to the bed until she tumbled me into it. When Saffron looked up at her and asked, "not that I''m complaining, but why are we here again?"


    "Rehab."


    I probably should have been way more scared by the way they looked at me, but we''ve already determined that my self-preservation got shot off when I got isekaied. Oh, no, I am the helpless object on which my Wives... shit, Wife and Concubine are going to satiate their unholy lust!


    Anyway, back in class Marie set Saffron down, who then sat me in the very front row of class, although thankfully all the way off to one side. I figured out why when duBois started class by asking me, "so, Diaz, what''s the status of Norfolk?"


    I could have been a class A Bitch and told him I''d already updated the Imperator, which I had in fact not done, but the class already had A Bitch, what with Cadet Karen Smith in residence. "Uh, technically I own all their Battleships now. And their Lizard Boi Trolls. And their real estate. I think I might own some more ships than that, as well? Definitely am the Head Bitch In Charge of their military, so ownership notwithstanding I''ve got control of their ships and troops. Mostly."


    "Mostly?"


    I shrugged. "They don''t do conquest or even warfare, really. They do Raids, almost entirely staffed by volunteer Raiders. So technically their troops heading to Calverton will be ''Raiding''."


    duBois frowned. "I''m not sure Calverton will like the sound of that."


    "So don''t tell ''em. We''ll work on maybe getting something of a less haphazard command structure in place later, but right now we need all available fighters turning Undead into real dead in Calverton. I don''t think it''s unfair to let them cart off some loot afterward."


    Karen interrupted. "The people of Calverton might not agree."


    "Look, like I told them, if Norfolk carts off half the wealth in Calverton, the survivors will still have five times as much as they did before. I don''t think it''s unfair for folks from Norfolk to expect some kind of reward."


    She shook her head. "So call it rewards instead of loot? Perhaps have them wait until the Undead are fully cleared before they begin loading it on their ships?"


    I rolled my eyes. "Duh. Think up better things to call it, think up ways to make sure they don''t cart off what the Calverton folks need to survive, maybe even think up some fair rules on who gets what so the Jarls don''t hog it all. This isn''t exactly rocket science."


    She blinked and shook her head. "It''s not what to the what now?"


    I sat there with my mouth open. "Uh, it''s not brain surgery?"


    "I would hope not. Surprising capacity for basic Healing Magics aside, I can''t see anyone trusting you with brain surgery."


    I dunno if she meant to insult me, but it just did not hit home. "Holy shit no. I hope to hell not. Same as I wouldn''t trust me with diplomancy."


    "Don''t you mean diplomacy?"


    "I know what I said."


    That got a laugh out of the class, which duBois interrupted. "So, for organizational purposes, do you have an Order of Battle for Norfolk yet?"


    I shook my head. "No, sir. Don''t honestly think they really have one. I''ll be able to put one together in nine days though. That''s when all the ships will be in harbor."


    He sighed. "that''s the best you can do?"


    I shrugged, then regretted it when my shoulders protested my continued use of their contested ability to move. "I should have numbers on the Troll Legion and volunteer Raiders by next week. What with our guys just having done a bunch of rough shit, I was gonna suggest the Raiders be the ones to take an initial beachhead."


    "You''re suggesting we don''t go overland with our troops?"


    I shook my head. "They''ll wind up walking through too much Undead Miasma. This way we can push it back from the waterfront as we go."


    "Do they have the ships for that?"


    "They can carry all their own plus some of ours, and with us no longer having to worry about Norfolk raiders, we''ll be able to pull a lot more ships from New Amsterdam and Phileo. Hell, once we take the waterfront, Calverton has ships as well; worst case we come in waves." No, my phrasing was not influenced by Love Shack Shenanigans. Much.


    "So... I suppose for today we can go over what we know of our own forces, how many we can ship down with enough food to last until the next shipment, and when we get the list of extra Norfolk and Calverton assets, we can adjust. Get to it, class."


    So they did. Kinda weird to me, a bunch of trainees doing all this administrative work, but then, most of it wasn''t what I''d call ''command decisions''. It was all just, I dunno, accounting and math. Not my favorite subjects, but I could follow the bouncing ball well enough, and other than occasionally asking me how I''d fuck up their plans if I were trying to do so, I just sat there and let the Smart People talk. Today mostly turned out to be a non-verbal day for me after that really loquacious start. Pretty good thing, what with how my jaw ached after just that one conversation.


    By tomorrow I''d either be fine, or my jaw would fall off, as Kitten and Murder Mittens both enthusiastically took to making sure I did not get a single break from rehabilitative exercise of my jaw all day long. Good thing I can hold my breath a long time.


    Especially what with neither of them being in a position where they needed to come up for air.

 Day Three Hundred And Twenty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    So weird, coming to terms with shit in this reality that ought to make sense but doesn''t, or shouldn''t make sense but does.


    Like, boiling a person down into numbers. I get that back at Eastside that happened. Way more than it should have, really. Between standardized tests, unrealistic beauty standards, and people just not accepting that the universe doesn''t give a shit about our need for numbers to be neat and tidy, everybody out there got numbers slapped on them. Quartiles. GPA. BMI. Dress size. Bust-Waist-Hips. Gross. Take home. Net worth. Credit Score. I mean, shit, some of that at least had some connection to reality, although people put way too much weight on that shit, not to mention applying it to shit that doesn''t connect. Like, okay, I get it, hip to waist ratio correlates to fertility. But tit size sure as fuck doesn''t, and I''ve seen girls with less boob flesh than the guys in the class plump up to D cups when the preggo hormones hit. Kinda makes me wonder what Bonnie''s boob size is now.


    But that last one? Credit score? What the fuck even is that? Like, oh, look, a random number that says whether you can get a house or car! Where does it come from? Nobody fuckin'' knows, although for some strange reason Black people have lower ones.


    Yeah, if some asshole decides to import Credit Scores to here and now, I''mma kill him and not feel at all guilty when I pop off while doing so. If they import that shit and Bag wind up getting lower scores, not ''because they''re Bag'', but because they live in ''economically challenged areas'' where Bag have been dumped for centuries? I''m not gonna kill ''em. I''m gonna let Larry kill ''em, just to make sure they''re gone for good.


    So yeah, plenty of numbers that got misused back there, and some that weren''t even connected to anything real, but here? Apparently my Kitten thinks that not only can you break someone down into handy dandy categories, those numbers will actually mean something and be based on real world data. Don''t get me wrong, I am absolutely cheering for her, because ''more sense making in the world'' sounds good to me. It also sounds like something that would lead to more antics, since anyone with any sense is going to want antics instead of, I dunno, Undead. But then I think about what I remember from looking at Status. Like, ''Strength''. What the fuck does that even mean? Tensile strength? Lifting power? Body Odor? If it''s something like lifting power, does it take body mass into account? Like, is a Jotnar with a one Strength just massively stronger than a Human with one Strength, or are they paralyzed because they can''t even fucking lift themselves? I think I remember something about ''one'' being average for the species, but what the fuck does that even mean for something like a Jotnar, where Loki is a Jotnar at twenty feet tall, and fuckin'' Olaf was a hundred and twenty, easy?


    If what your wife says about Franklin''s Inspect is correct, the baseline calibration... wasn''t.


    Okay, great, so it''s even more fucked up. Thanks, Boss. You''re the best, really.


    I know, Daughter.


    So yeah, I''ve got no idea what any of the shit on there means, and my Wife is the one supposed to be making it happen, and I''m the one who not only told her she can do it, I''m the fuckin'' Goddess who told her she has to do it or die trying. Which, shit, I''ll bet on my Kitten two falls out of three any day of the week. But in a situation this fucked up, what does success even look like?


    As much as I joke about my stupid high Endurance, and as much as those jokes aren''t so much jokes as ways to explain the most bullshitty of my bullshit away to people who actually see me do dumb shit like using a two inch through and through for some really novel kink exploration, or letting Murder Mittens widen that hole to three inches in order to give the Advanced Healing class a chance to fix it properly, I still don''t know exactly what double digit Endurance means. Worse than that, I''m really wondering if there are limits, and if so, what happens when I go past them. I''m honestly not sure whether limits would make me feel more or less... human.


    I mean, sure, I jokingly started using the term ''human adjacent'' to refer to everything that might get lumped in with ''Race'' back in the world of Eastside. But here even that gets fucked up. According to, like, racist prejudice, even internalized shit, Marie is a ''Bag''. But according to Menace''s Inspect screen, ''Maenad'' shows up separate from Bag. Shit, the social aspect of Bag covers Maenads, Minotaurs, and whatever Mama Driver is along with folks like Saffron and Bill, who both could pass for Human if they wanted to. Hell, I think Kitten meant to try that early on, then got pissed off and decided ''fuck that noise, Bag Pride, baby!'' Which I''m totally here for.


    Oh, shit, unless I''ve screwed up my count, which is completely possible, we''re about a month away from the Summer Solstice. Which is at the end of June, which is Pride month. Which... honestly? I think there''s less need for in the here and now. That''s not a bad thing. But some part of me still wants to, I dunno, throw a rainbow flag on the flagpole or some shit.


    Oh, fuck! I have flagpoles! I mean, I didn''t see any flags on the longhouses, but ships have masts, and they fly flags from them! When I get my Battleships together, I am totally having Marie sew me some fuckin'' Pride flags and putting them on the masts. Not even really giving a shit if anybody else gets it. Let ''em think I like rainbows and shit.


    So back to ''literally inhuman Endurance, which makes me feel some kinda way'', I think the me in the Love Shack took like six real breaths yesterday. Not complaining, mind you. Insatiable, thy name is Tabitha Diaz. Oh, shit, is that another side effect of stupidly high Endurance? Fuck, it might be. Now I gotta figure out if I''m actually going to be upset about being inhumanly good at sex and the enjoyment thereof.


    Y''know what? Fuck it. Introspection off for the day. Yeah, I know that''s a lie, but I''m gonna try.


    So nothing new on the Mimic Dream front, although the sous chefs joined Marie last night. Handy counterpoint to the growing legion preparing to plant my ass at the top of the shit pyramid.


    Woke up feeling a tiny bit sore, but also kinda... satisfied. Like yesterday had been more fun than I thought at the time. I pulled myself up to put an arm around Marie''s waist and lay my head against her belly. On the one hand, not a position I''d want to maintain for any length of time, because I''d definitely wind up with a crick in my neck. On the other, the moment I pulled myself to her, all four of Marie on the bed started purring, including the three ostensibly asleep ones.


    "Hey, Marie?" She looked down and ran a hand across my hair. "One of you is always awake, watching over us, right?"


    "Yes."


    "Could you sleep with us, like all the way, if I asked? Like, all of you?"


    "Yes?"


    "Can''t, or won''t?"


    She smiled at me, letting me know without words that she appreciated how I''d made a habit of phrasing things in binary solution sets for her. "Won''t."


    "Special occasions?"


    She thought about that, tilting her head and narrowing her eyes. Her hand never stopped stroking my hair, and I was fine with just laying there waiting. Finally, as Menace and Saffron started their morning boot up routines, she looked back down to me, sighed, and said, "Okay."


    "Yay!" I quietly enthused. "I''ll let you know?" She just nodded.


    Once Saffron and Isnomi woke up fully and we all greeted the day with partner-appropriate hugs and kisses, which for those keeping score include a lot more tickling and a complete lack of grab ass when Isnomi''s involved, we all rolled out of bed and got dressed for the day. At breakfast I took great delight in feeding Saffron all of my corncake as drenched in syrup and butter as I could make it. Another win for spoons as a utensil of choice, because every bite I put in her mouth absolutely had a little moat of syrupy butter around it. If she minded the occasional sloppy bits dribbling down her chin, she didn''t say anything. Might have been my tendency to lick them off before they got on her uniform.


    After breakfast we gave Isnomi hugs and kisses for the day, and Marie took her off for a day of Marie things. Which still, as far as I knew, included all Maid duties at the Academy. I asked her as the three of us made our way to the Advanced Mana Shaping classroom. We could have just Translocated, but all three of us liked walking together, not to mention enjoying the view from the tower windows as we went up the stairs.


    "Hey, Marie? Are your sisters still playing with their Ds?"


    She nodded, looking smug. "Yes."


    "So you''re still the only Maids in residence at the Academy?"


    "Yes!" She sounded so proud of herself. She absolutely deserved it, too.


    I looked up at her smiling face. "So, how many of you is that again?" She tilted her head as we walked, closing her eyes and pondering.


    Mlem.


    I pounced. I should have realized that my sweet Murder Mittens is smarter than that, especially when it comes to games of stalking and pouncing. She caught me mid-pounce and proceeded to kiss me the rest of the way up to the classroom. By the time we hit the floor with the classroom, Marie swayed a little bit, and Saffron giggled. "Only you two." We broke our lip lock to look at her quizzically. "Both of you forget to breathe through your noses while you''re kissing."


    "Pfft. Breathing. Is that some squishy thing I''m too tanky to understand?"


    Marie wound up carrying us both into the classroom, obviously enjoying playing live action dolls with us. Doc Roberts sat at his desk, with no one else in class yet. He chuckled. "You three. I''m surprised you get anything done with all the goings on."


    Marie, Saffron and I all wound up with the same idea, and the Love Shack population went from zero to nine in an instant. I laughed, Marie snickered, and Saffron primly said, "we are all exceptionally good at multi-tasking, Doctor."


    With that, we all settled into the central rear seats in the classroom, mostly there just to act as resources for the rest of the class. Back in our suite, Saffron sat at her desk coding, Marie sat tailor fashion with her butt propped up on the pillowy portion of her floor bed working on her needlepoint, and I lay in front of her reading my Marital Arts book.


    No, seriously, most of the pictures had stuff written around the borders, and when I squinted enough to read it, I discovered actual instructions. Some of them weren''t super relevant to us unless we employed a strap on or shapeshifting shenanigans, and most of them were intended to enhance the experience, but more than one of them had some kind of comment about avoiding leaning a certain way to avoid, ''unpleasant sensations in the supporting partner'', and at least one so far listed out like half a dozen easily reachable pressure points for effects ranging from ''enhancing physical sensation'' to ''ensuring compliance'' to ''reducing sensation to prolong the experience''. Now, I''m not gonna say I didn''t file those away for later use with a certain Kitten, because that would be a lie, because I tried all three the moment I puzzled them out. All three worked a treat on Saffron; the latter two Marie indicated she just plain didn''t feel, but the first one...


    Suffice to say we learned that ''enhancing physical sensation'' on a Maenad can cause her to lose control of her limbs in a ''flailing about'' kind of way, which left me really glad Saffron is a small target and that I am, in fact, inhumanly durable. We decided not to try that again without body armor. No matter how much Murder Mittens hinted, asked, and whined for us to do so.


    Back in class, Cadet Smith came up to me and asked, surprisingly politely, "Cadet Diaz, could you assist me with recovering my Mana today? I''d like to do some testing of my improved Mana Blade, but I presently can only maintain the Blade for ten seconds."


    "Improved?" When she nodded, I said, "I''m not opposed to the idea, but show me."


    She got a bit of a booger look, but set herself, created not one but two distinct Mana Shapes, then extended two short Mana Blades, one from each index finger. The one on her left index finger seemed pinned in place, and she brought the other one down on it as hard as she could.


    It left me gawping a little when it bounced.


    Then she collapsed to the floor.


    I leaned over, pressed an overcharged Stabilize into her, and helped her back up. "How did you do that?"


    The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.


    "I Shaped a very thin Mana Shield into the core of the Mana Blade. I''ve yet to sort out moving it, but being able to block a Mana Blade with another Mana Blade would be useful, no?"


    It took me a second to wrap my brain around that. "Yeah. Yeah it would. Not that too many people can do it just yet, but yeah, that would be good."


    She spent the rest of the day alternating between studying some copied out papers and retrying her ''Improved Mana Blade''. By the end of the day she had the thing four inches long and held it for nearly twelve seconds. Not super impressive compared to my bullshit insanity, but still pretty impressive for somebody who, apparently, was getting by on skill alone.


    A while after lunch, right after my third recharge on Smith, the Saffron in class leaned over into me from where she sat ensconced between Marie and I. I grow increasingly frustrated, my Goddess.


    What''s bugging you, and can I stab it?


    Not unless you''ve found a way to stab abstract concepts which, at present, do not have a Divine sponsor.


    I shrugged, then set my book down and moved over to her desk in the suite, laying my hands on her shoulders and massaging gently. Then not so gently, as her shoulders resembled something closer to marble than the heavy clay feel of someone with a lot of muscle under some pleasant padding. "What''s wrong, Kitten?"


    "Along with his outright fraudulent Inspect Spell, Franklin''s choice of exponential values annoys me. I''m sure at this point he did it to deliberately obfuscate his failure, but even if..." she stopped, took a deep breath, turned around in her chair, then grabbed my head and pulled me into a kiss. When she pulled away, she continued. "When I succeed where he failed and lied about it, the exponential nature of the values makes the Spell less useful than it ought to be."


    I nodded. "Okay, fair, but are his numbers total, utter bullshit?"


    She waggled a hand. "Some of them, yes?"


    "Is my Blend not as high as his Inspect shows it?"


    She got an absolute booger look. "Don''t remind me of your Blend. That is a completely different problem, one that adds multiple levels of complexity to my final goal."


    "Okay, but... some people are, like, multiple orders of magnitude Stronger, more Agile, and so on, right?"


    She nodded, obviously glad to leave discussion of Blend behind. "Correct. But I could account for that with something like a logarithmic scale."


    "Huh?"


    She shook her head. "Are you sure you passed your mathematics classes back in your world?"


    I nodded. "Yep. Straight Ds. Sixty five percent, on the dot."


    She rolled her eyes and laughed. "You''re smarter than that, Goof."


    "Hey! Do you know how much it took to get exactly sixty five? I had to deliberately throw a few questions on some of the tests and quizzes."


    She laughed, and by the time she quieted the hysterical edge to it faded. "Only you, Goof. In case you don''t remember, I''m thinking of a scale where one through ten are linear... you know what that means?"


    "Yeah, I remember that one."


    "Good. So, eleven would be two tens. Twelve would be three tens, and the numbers would progress linearly again to twenty. Then Twenty one would be two twenties, and so on."


    "You''re... still gonna lose some granularity, aren''t you?"


    She shrugged. "Well, yes, but the meaningful difference between one million and one million and three is negligible. A difference in who has taken a breath more recently."


    "So why are you caring about granularity at all?"


    "Two reasons. First, I suspect that some things, like Titles, progress in that intermittently linear way. Second, right now, by rights, a ''ten'' should never lose a contest in that specific field to a ''nine'', yet that happens, based on factors external to the contest."


    "How so?"


    "If you and Marshall duBois were to engage in a contest of Strength, if both of you had the same Strength, he would likely have an advantage due to his size. Or you might, if your smaller stature allowed you to focus your Strength more." I nodded, and she continued. "The same goes if one of you has a few more points of Strength."


    "Force multipliers." When she raised an eyebrow I explained. "ROTC term. Like, shit that lets you apply military strength more effectively. Like... uh... Oh! DuBois'' musical thing."


    "Oh! Yes, that''s an excellent descriptor. So," she sighed. "I want to change the scale used in Inspect."


    "So do it."


    She just gaped at me, working her mouth for a solid thirty seconds before she squeaked, "people will think I''m insane!"


    "Why?"


    "Every number associated with Inspect will change."


    I gave that a second of thought, and got hit with a burst of inspiration. "So drop some tool tips in there."


    She took a deep breath. "I assume you do not mean for me to add awls into my Inspect? Although metaphorically they might help with Blend."


    "Oh. Shit. Translation fail when I''m talking about shit you''ve never seen, I guess. Okay, so y''know how the Spell gives you that feeling of being able to expand stuff in your Assess Health?" She nodded. "Okay, like that, but an explanation for the new numbers. Like, what they actually mean. Like ''a one strength can lift fifty pounds above their head'' or some shit. Then just put a warning at the top of the whole thing that the scale has changed."


    She just stared at me, jaw slowly dropping open, eyes sliding wider. After a minute each of the Saffrons in the Love Shack pointed at me imperiously and said, "Marie? Hold that woman down, that I might express my gratitude properly."


    I think that overall I liked the passionate hug and kiss at her desk more. Didn''t complain or abstain from any of that, though. When she broke away to leap back into her coding, I got curious about what my Status looked like, so I fired one up.


    I woke up on the floor, and if there had been little cartoon birds circling my head, I would not have been surprised in the slightest. Saffron shook her head and helped me up. "Sorry, Goof. Don''t use Inspect or Status in the suite until I''m done working. It''s not in any way safe at the moment."


    Weird visual effects still fading, I said, "no, really?" Then, when she looked a little upset, I pulled her into a hug and reassured her. "My own damn fault, Kitten. I should have thought about it and asked. Can I do one in class, though?"


    She shrugged. "It''ll be Franklin''s, but I suppose if you can tolerate the inaccuracy it won''t actually hurt you."


    "Thanks, Kitten." I went back to my book, even if I had no real opportunity now to test stuff out, what with all three of me in the Love Shack currently being willingly forced to enjoy Saffron''s passionate ministrations. Back in class, I popped up a Status to look at.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(52, 73, 94, 1)" width="45%">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    NAME


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Tabitha Diaz


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Hybrid


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    HYBRID


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Bag (31.25%) / Dan (25%) / Human (37.5%) / Vanir (6.25%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    JErrErrErr


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ATTRIBUTES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    STRENGTH


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    12


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGILITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    9


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ENDURANCE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    26


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    REASON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    6


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MEMORY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    5


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PERSONALITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    10


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AFFINITIES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Water (40.625%), Air (17.1875Err Err Err%), Earth (12.5%), Fire (6.25%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PATRON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Loki


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    CQC


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MANA SHAPING


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    6


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    HEAL INJURY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    HEALING COMA


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    REVIVE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td>


    CURE DISEASE


    </td>


    <td>


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACIAL SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    None


    </td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    Trying to ignore the fact that my Endurance had, in fact, slipped directly into ''no longer human'' levels, I flipped over to my other, secret status, only to have my brain balk a little at what I saw there.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(52, 73, 94, 1)" width="45%">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%" width="23%">


    NAME


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%" width="76%">


    Mimic


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%" width="23%">


    RACE


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%" width="76%">


    Mor


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%" width="23%">


    AGE


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%" width="76%">


    ErrErrErrErr x Err ^ Err


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%" width="23%">


    ATTRIBUTES


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%" width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%" width="23%">


    STRENGTH


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%" width="76%">


    23 Err Err Err


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%" width="23%">


    AGILITY


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%" width="76%">


    29


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%" width="23%">


    ENDURANCE


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%" width="76%">


    44 Err Err Err Err Err Err Err Err Err


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%" width="23%">


    REASON


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%" width="76%">


    13


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%" width="23%">


    MEMORY


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%" width="76%">


    11


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%" width="23%">


    PERSONALITY


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%" width="76%">


    28 Err Err Err Err Err Err


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%" width="23%">


    AFFINITIES


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%" width="76%">


    Water (81.25%), Air (34.375%), Earth (25%), Fire (12.5%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%" width="23%">


    PATRON


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%" width="76%">


    Loki


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%" width="23%">


    SKILLS


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%" width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%" width="23%">


    SCENT


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%" width="76%">


    9


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%" width="23%">


    ARCHERY


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%" width="76%">


    26


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%">


    CORRUPT


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%">


    26


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%">


    MUSIC


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%">


    ILLUMINATE


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%">


    16


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%" width="23%">


    RACIAL SKILLS


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%" width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%" width="23%">


    MIMIC


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%" width="76%">


    16


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%" width="23%">


    MIMIC (Attack)


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%" width="76%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%" width="23%">


    MIMIC (Attribute)


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%" width="76%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%" width="23%">


    MIMIC (Defense)


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%" width="76%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%" width="23%">


    MIMIC (Size)


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%" width="76%">


    16


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%" width="23%">


    MIMIC (Skill)


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%" width="76%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 23.252%" width="23%">


    BLEND


    </td>


    <td style="width: 76.748%" width="76%">


    32


    </td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    "Kitten?"


    The Saffron snuggled under my arm in class looked up. "Yes, Goof?"


    I think I broke it.

 Day Three Hundred And Twenty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    So many times in life I think I''ve had a great idea, but then when I try to make that shit happen, instead of being awesome, it just kinda splatters everywere.


    I can say without fear of contradiction that I care about that my new Submission Holds are not one of those times. I mean, a lot of the other Cadets will probably protest, or bitch to Miles, or go home and scream to mama, but at this point? I own a City. I''m fuckin'' rich. If they kick me out of the Academy for Conduct Unbecoming a Cadet or some shit, I can just go grab a longhouse and live with my hot Wives... fuck, I gotta stop that... Wife and Concubine and daughter and just fuck around until and unless the Imperator needs me to fuck someone up instead of, y''know, just fucking her to reward her for being such a good Imperator.


    Thus proving that all else aside, I am less of a drama queen than Anakin Skywalker. Seriously, dude, your wife is rich as fuck, if she''s more important than your career with the Jedi, just go be a stay at home dad. Or a trophy husband. Whichever.


    Yeah, that one gets to me a little, I guess. I could see Saffron being a trophy wife. She''s curvy, she''s gorgeous, she is every inch a lady in the streets, she is a positively deviant freak in all the best ways between the sheets. Hell, she even fits on the mantle! Meanwhile I''m... me. I mean, alongside my whole self-image being based on someone who doesn''t look like me, while the me in the here and now started out pretty hot looking, I''ve since added my weight in scar tissue. Thankfully the only bit that has that weird pronounced ropy texture is the one Saffron did on my shoulder, but they''re fuckin'' everywhere. Actually, now that I think about it, a couple others are a little rough, but overall most of them are smooth, like burn scars. The ones on my back, the ones I can''t see without decapitating myself, which might be really painful, might have some texture to them. I''m not sure.


    But overall? I''m definitely nobody''s idea of gorgeous. I think maybe my Blend is fucking with their ability to not be turned off by a mass of scar tissue that walks like a woman, I''m not sure. But I''m trying to get better about the imposter syndrome, which is a real fuckin'' tough thing to do when you are, in fact, the goddamned Primordial Imposter herself. I guess it means she''s not likely to find out spontaneously that I''m actually hideous, but some part of me deep inside still wants her to get that sparkly look in her eyes and need a cold shower or hot sex when she sees me without the glamour clouding her eyes.


    Deep breaths. Everybody knows laughter is the universal panty remover, and I sure as shit got her laughing today.


    Last night repeated the night before, in general, although the legion of subordinates is getting their act together, pumping up my desire to cop a squat atop the pyramid. Marie and the sous chefs did a bang up job with some shrimp, though, so there is that.


    Woke up to Saffron looking at me from inches away. Her, "good morning, love," filled my ears right before her tongue filled my mouth. Hell of a way to wake up, and no, that is not in any way a complaint. Weird, but not nearly as weird as Marie stroking our hair while we necked in her lap. It''s funny; I know some part of me really worried about the whole ''but infidelity!'' thing, and I guess that part of me still exists, because my occasional vague stirrings of ''I wonder what that dude''s cock tastes like'' or ''is Siobhan more of a mouth, finger, or scissors girl'' leave me glancing guiltily at whichever of Saffron or Marie is in line of sight. Thing is, I''m now totally at peace with the three of us, I think. Yeah, I worry about them yeeting me to the curb for a less damaged model or some shit like that, but I''m not worried that they''ll ditch me because they''ve got each other. Honestly, the ''less damaged model'' isn''t really my concern, it''s the being yeeted for being too damaged.


    Deep breaths. Think happy thoughts. Yank a Marie and a couple Saffrons to the Love Shack and request immediate endorphin overload. Kinda weird having an actual physical Happy Place to go to, not to mention being able to literally go there while still doing whatever I''m doing.


    Got dressed in my loosest Cadet uniform today. None of them are badly tailored or anything, but there''s definitely one that I wear for ''formal'' shit, and another that I wear for hard physical workouts. I don''t think about the ''loose'' one that much, but I guess I''d want it if I felt bloated? Wait, no, I''m definitely going to want it if I can wrangle another all the pie I can eat dessert fest from Marie. Although let''s be fair, it''s really an all the pie Saffron can eat thing. She''s got skills.


    She demonstrated those when I stole her corncake with the specific intent to douse it in sweeteners and feed it to her like syrup soup. I managed to convince her to sit in my lap instead of across the table, for a definition of ''convince'' that meant ''yoinked her into my lap when she came over the table at me for stealing her corncake.'' Meh, it''s all good. Even if we are, quite definitely, no longer in the hood. Then again, the hood is like China; when you''re from there, no matter where you go, she''s with you.


    Damn, now I gotta wonder if there''s a hood-equivalent in China.


    So when we got to class, duBois was waiting for me. Impatiently. Something about Marie bringing us all the leftover corncakes and me feeding them to Saffron and licking her face clean after each one. I mean, I think they meant for me to eat them, because I''m pretty clearly still recovering from beating Norfolk into submission, but unlike some people I have my priorities in order.


    He waved me over, and when I got close enough he could talk without the rest of the class, who''d started doing duBois'' off-brand Tai Chi to warm up, said, "I''m going to be working with some of the Cadets who wound up challenged by Intermediate Combat Training. I assume you''re going to have the rest of them sparring?"


    "Maybe after."


    "After?"


    I nodded. "Yeah! I''ve been doing research! The first book was a little bit of a wash, although I could maybe teach some of the basic PT kids some of those Skills if you want. But the second book gave me ideas."


    "Oh, lord Lugh preserve me. Should I call Sister Siobhan up now?"


    "Nah, Saffron and..." I got a sudden burst of brains to my groin, and put on my best ''I''m being serious now'' face. "Wait, no, we''ll both be sparring or instructing, having Sister Siobhan up here would be useful." I looked over to Marie. "Could you please, Marie?" By her grin, she totally knew the gist of my plan and approved.


    DuBois just sighed and said, "okay, be about it."


    I jogged to the far end of the Practice Yard, cupped my hands around my mouth and hollered, "Cadets not working with the Marshall, rally on me!"


    When they all got there, I said, "okay, so I''m sure you guys have gotten all the speeches about how along with fighting against enemy Heroes and shit like Dragons and wyverns out in the wild, Heroes in Phileo are expected to patrol the streets now and again. Can''t leave it all to the Guards, right?"


    Some wag in the back called out, "like you''ve ever done that!"


    I laughed. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Believe it or not, I''ve actually dealt with a gang of muggers once. Straight up accosted me in uniform."


    "Too dumb to live!"


    I snerked. "This was, in fact, before my reputation preceded me. But anyway, I kinda wish I''d known then what I know now." I slipped one hand behind me. "C''mere, lemme show you how I dealt with him."


    The dude backed away, waving his hands in the air, but I pointed to the pavers in front of me and looked at his jacket. "Right here, Cadet Yale."


    He sighed, then stepped up. "Yes, ma''am."


    "Now, some of you might not be able to pack quite this much whallop, and it doesn''t work nearly as well on folks with a lot of Mana, but..." I brought my hand around as fast as I could; he tried to block, and honestly he deflected most of the impact, but my hand still brushed against his chest. I managed to grab his jacket as he toppled backward towards the pavers. Before he hit ground, he blinked and grabbed at my arm, so I pulled him back upright. He came up blinking and swinging, but without any real force behind it. I caught his fist and shook my head. "Like I said, against a Hero? Even a full Cadet? The best you''re likely to get is a moment''s respite. But against some dude who''s just big and strong? Boom, down."


    From behind me I heard a scandalized gasp. "Did... did you... Tabitha, did you just weaponize a Healing Spell?"


    "I''m sure I''ve told you about that before, Sister."


    "I''m sure you haven''t!"


    I turned to face her, an easy smile on my face. "Okay, maybe not. Not like my memory ought to be admissible as evidence. Or trusted in any meaningful fashion. But two important things you ought to recognize here." She made a ''go on'' gesture. "First, if you''re ever on the streets and some dude decides to get handsy, and won''t let go? I''m gonna feel some kinda way if I have to dice him because you were too squeamish to Stabilize some manners into him." She opened her mouth to rebut, but I drove over her. "Second thing, equally important? It''s a Healing spell. Worst case, the asshole hurts himself falling down, which he fuckin'' deserves if he''s gonna assault a nun. Which is way nicer than what this would do." I extended a wrist-thick Mana Blade. "So for somebody drunk and disorderly? I figure it''s the nicest possible option."


    Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.


    She huffed out a sigh. "Fine. I don''t like it though."


    I smiled at her. "That''s ''cause you''re way nicer than me." I turned to the class. "Okay, I need a volunteer who doesn''t mind manhandling me a little, and maybe getting mauled a tiny bit in return."


    Of course Cadet Karen Smith had to step up. You okay with this, Kitten?


    Why wouldn''t I be?


    I shrugged. Okay. Keep an eye on Siobhan, though. I wanna see her face.


    "Okay, Cadet. Are you familiar with a Full Nelson?"


    "No?"


    "Okay." I shifted around behind her and slipped my arms under hers, my hands behind her neck. "Like this."


    "Oh. I''m familiar, yes."


    "Do you know how to break one?" She shrugged and pulled her arms together. It definitely stressed my arms, and I let her pull free. "Okay, that''s pretty good. But if your opponent is strong enough, that might not work."


    "It worked fine just then."


    I sighed, snagged her up again, and said, "Okay?" She pushed again, and I held for another ten seconds before saying, "want to see how?"


    "Sure," she ground out. I pulled her around behind me, and she obligingly pulled me into the hold. She pulled hard, in fact, trying to force my face down. I went limp, my hands going straight up, my shoulders flexing just a little painfully right before my ass hit her heels. "Okay, but now you''re at my..." She yelped as I flopped backwards between her legs, then hammered my hands forward into the backs of her knees. I rolled forward, faceplanting her into the paver, pushing myself to my feet and leaning on her calves, forcing her legs to cross at the knees as I did. When she struggled, I put one foot in her crotch and pushed down just a little. "You bitch!"


    "I think I''ve made my position here clear." I leaned just a little more weight on my foot. "Do you need me to restate it?" She shoved at me, and I wrapped my other leg around hers, falling to the ground, but maintaining my hold on her. If anything, I now had more leverage with my foot pressing into her lady bits. "I could kick, if you like?" I turned to look at the class. "A big part of getting this hold is the surprise, and the lack of any real leverage for your opponent until their face is in the ground. Of course with your foot where mine is, you have their full attention. Do I not, Cadet Smith?"


    She chuckled, but I missed most of her acquiescence when Saffron''s thought hit my brain. As I recall, your foot was a lot less violent when we did that.


    Still got your full attention though, didn''t it?


    "Now, the reason I''ve crossed her ankles is because that way I can keep pressure with one hand, letting me use the other here," I pressed a spot behind Smith''s knee, and she swore into the paver. "If you''ve got enough reach or control, you can also do this." I sat up, bending her knees until I could reach her thigh, then pushed one thumb into a spot there. Her profanity took on an entirely different tone. "Now, neither of those is something you''d do without permission normally, of course, but if you''re trying to corral a drunk dock worker, both of those are nicer than, y''know, breaking shit."


    I released her and rolled away, then held out a hand to help her up. She kipped up without taking my hand, and I saw blood on her lip. "Sister Siobhan, if you would please?"


    "It''s nothing," hissed Smith.


    "It''s also not gonna be the last thing you''re gonna demonstrate, and I don''t want you less than a hundred percent for this next one."


    A slightly flushed Sister Siobhan walked over, Healed Smith, then returned to the sidelines. Saffron took that moment to send me a quick snippet of Siobhan turning pink when I put Smith in the hold. You''re being sort of mean to her, you realize.


    Should I stop?


    Oh, Goddess no. Do go on.


    "Okay, you good to continue, Cadet?"


    "Ready when you are, Diaz."


    I nodded. "Okay, this one is one of my personal favorites. It requires a lot of leg strength, but the results ought to speak for themselves." I leapt back, then forward again, my leg sweeping down in an axe kick. Smith, who belonged in the class, got her arm up to block, but at that point instead of trying to power through, I hooked my knee over her arm, pulled myself forward, and got my other leg around her neck, hooking my ankles and grabbing her by the hair to pull myself upright. Careful not to do unto her as I did unto Ericson, I said, "this one works great if you''re smaller than your opponent, because I''ve got all kinds of leverage to make her move whichever way I need her to."


    I proceeded to demonstrate by just leaning backward, forward, and to each side, forcing her to stumble or topple. The entire time I used my grip on her hair both as an additional goad and to keep her face firmly planted. She hollered something muffled into my crotch, so I pulled her face back by her hair and said, "what was that?"


    "What are you gonna do if I bite?"


    I nodded. "Fair question. Lots of answers, including ''don''t threaten me with a good time'', ''hope my wife doesn''t mind'', or maybe, since I''ve got a hand free, this." I pushed one thumb into her cheek, hard enough to shove my thumb between her teeth with a nice cushion of cheek. "Most people won''t bite hard enough to get through our slacks if they have to bite through their own cheek. If you get a real hard case, or somebody too drunk to notice, you can try this instead," I shifted my thumb under her jaw and pushed, gently this time. She stumbled backward, whining, slapping at my back. "That shit stings like a bitch." I relented, then said, "or, if you''re big enough in comparison, you can do this." I threw myself backward with the kind of force I''d use doing a backflip, something else duBois taught us in PT. Smith almost kept her feet until I grabbed the back of her knees and pulled, at which point she toppled. My ass took most of the impact, but the crown of her head bonked into the paver. I disengaged, rolled off, and picked her up by the back of her jacket.


    I carried a groaning Smith over to a clearly pink Sister Siobhan. "Be careful with that move if they''ve actually got your bits between their teeth. It ought to pull your fancy parts out of the fire, but if it doesn''t, their incisors are gonna be doing some incising when they hit the ground."


    Sister Siobhan reached out, lay one hand on top of Smith''s head, and Healed her. Smith shook herself free and glared at me before walking back to the spot we''d been sparring. "Anything else, Diaz?"


    "Just one more. Like I said, that second one is handy if they''re bigger than you, because it fundamentally pits your strongest muscles, your glutes and thighs, against their neck and arms. This next one works best if you''ve got a size advantage over somebody." I smiled at Smith. She wasn''t short, but she wasn''t my height, either. "You ready?"


    She took a deep breath, let it out, and said, "whenever you are."


    I leapt toward her, dropping to the ground as I did, my legs kicking out between hers as I caught myself on my hands. I hooked my ankles behind hers, rotated my hips just a little and yanked her ankles toward me by bending my knees. She toppled backward, and I pulled even harder as I shoved myself back up to my feet in a weaponized kip up. Before her shoulders even hit the ground, I grabbed her ankles and hopped forward over her, landing with the backs of my thighs resting on the backs of hers, tipping forward until I hammered her toes into the paver beside her ears. The soles of my feet settled almost gently on her wrists, and I shoved them out and away from her to go into something that, were I not straddling her, would have resembled the bastard love child of a horse stance and a Jacko pose. Then I just grinned at her as Saffron shot me a view of Sister Siobhan, who''d gone beet red.


    "This is incredibly undignified."


    "Yeah, but you''re not goin'' anywhere any time soon unless I let you up." I looked around at the class, who all looked more than a little scandalized. "Now, if you''re trying to pin someone who has the strength to toss you even like this, there are options. First, the least nice, but effective," I leaned forward, snaking one arm around her leg and shoving a finger up each of her nostrils. "If they''re willing to rip their own nose off to spite you, that''s on them." I slipped my fingers out of her nose, then shoved just a little harder on her ankles, forcing them behind her head. "This one locks them down a little harder, since they''d have to rip their own head off to throw you. Of course, it takes a bit more strength to force them down, but like this I''ve got all the leverage in the fuckin'' world."


    "Phrasing?" grunted Smith.


    "Entirely intentional, I assure you," I said with an evil grin. I think Siobhan might have been puce by that point. "Now, if you can get a hand free," I slipped both of Smith''s ankles into one of my hands. The grip wasn''t as good, but Smith had apparently decided to play along. "You can hit any of the pressure points I demonstrated before." Without pushing hard, I placed my thumb or fingers over each of the previous points. "Finally, if you feel a need to either dismount with relative safety or, if they''re not strong enough, you want to wear them out..." I turned to Smith. "Sorry about this." Then I demonstrated what the Anime Club kids back at Eastside called a ''Kancho Punch''. Suffice to say, her glutes flexed, hard, and I went flying. I''d let go of her ankles, so she didn''t hurt her own neck or anything, and I flexed a little by doing a backflip and landing on my feet, arms up.


    One of the guys, Yale again, looked at me, clearly uncomfortable, and said, "all that looks a little... I dunno..."


    "Yeah. It kinda is. But here''s the thing. If somebody comes along nicely with a hand on their arm, you''re not gonna do all that. But if they''ve decided they''re gonna throw down with a Hero? Getting some real uncomfortable memories about what you could have done to them might scar them psychologically in ways that might affect their bedroom performance, but this?" I leapt into the air, then came down with one fist leading the way. The paver cracked. "Is gonna leave them with scars that''ll affect their ability to feed themselves," I hopped back to my feet, shaking my hand a little, then extending another Mana Blade. "And this will only scar them if they''re lucky enough to live through it."


    When he backed off a little, I said, "look, Yale, a solid amount of any submission hold is psychology. Putting somebody in a position like that is gonna be traumatizing. So don''t do it unless you''re at the point where you gotta choose what kind of trauma you''re gonna inflict. But if you can''t stand the idea of inflicting some trauma? You might be in the wrong line of work." He nodded, clearly still uncomfortable, but thinking about it instead of emoting about it. "Okay, pair off. Until lunch, just practice the holds, maintaining them, and breaking out of them. After lunch we''ll do some sparring to see if you can implement them in the middle of a spar. Saffron, Sister Siobhan, and I will be on hand if anybody needs healing."


    Smith shot me a sour look. "Why doesn''t she have to practice those ''holds''?"


    I grinned my biggest, most shit-eating grin at her, hamming it up for the class, not to mention my Very Special Audience of one. "Who do you think I practiced them on first?"


    That got a laugh from everyone but Smith and Saffron. Smith is right. No dignity.


    I slipped my hand into hers, gave it a squeeze, then stepped to her side and let go after Co-Locating a pair of us to the Love Shack sans uniforms. "But now you get to practice applying them to me, y''see."


    "Dignity? Who needs dignity? C''mere."


    Back in the Practice Yard, I stepped in between Saffron and Siobhan, slipping into Parade Rest. Saffron mostly copied me, standing to my left, while Sister Siobhan slipped her hands into her sleeves and stood to my right as we watched the Cadets pair up and start trying to do anything like the holds I''d just demonstrated. Points to Smith, who pinned Yale like four times in ten minutes before he managed to start thinking with his upper brain.


    Right around then Sister Siobhan, speaking softly enough it probably didn''t carry to Saffron, murmured. "Those holds were very... suggestive."


    I nodded without looking at her and murmured back. "Summer." Out of the corner of my eye I saw her turn toward me, a bit of confusion on her face. Before she could ask, I followed that up with, "Solstice."


    Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got a Stern Talking To by duBois for making our Healer blush so hard she fainted.


    Totally Worth.

 Day Three Hundred And Twenty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    Only a few more days until the Norfolk troops and ships are ready; probably a good idea for me to get my shit together.


    Yesterday after teasing Sister Siobhan until she toppled over from blood rushing everywhere but her brain, I kinda wanted to relent and let her go back to the Infirmary, but she got stubborn and refused.


    "It''s okay, Sister. Saffron and I can fix the worst of whatever these guys get up to. Worst case, we''ll stabilize them and bring them down to you." I reached a hand down to help her up.


    She pouted up at me as I lifted her to her feet. "No. This is my duty, to see to the health and welfare of the Academy''s Cadets. I won''t let a little teasing stop me from that." I just lifted an eyebrow. "Or a lot of teasing."


    I turned back to watch the sparring Cadets. "Two words is a lot?"


    She shot me a prim look. "The right two words, yes."


    I lowered my voice and resisted the urge to snuggle Saffron under my arm. We were still keeping an eye on the rest of the Cadets, after all. "You know you''re not under any obligation, right?"


    "Didn''t I just say..."


    "I didn''t mean that."


    I think my favorite thing about Siobhan had to be how easily she blushed. "Oh. Why would ''obligation'' even be something I considered?"


    "I mean, why else would you?"


    She blushed more. So cute. "Because I find your passion for everything endlessly fascinating."


    "You seem a little scared though."


    She nodded. "Oh, I am. Terrified, really. I''ve never done anything of the sort, and I''m deeply worried that I''ll disappoint you."


    I chuckled a little. "Nah. It''s not that hard. I mean, it''s not even like I''m a guy and you''re gonna have to work with equipment you haven''t before, right?" She went quiet. Like, quieter than normal. After a little, I glanced over and saw she''d gotten even redder. We stood there like that for a while, watching the Cadets work out not just how to work with the holds I''d shown them, but the pressure points and other shit that flowed naturally for each of them, which is what I''d hoped would happen. I mean, yeah, me taking a sex manual and deriving fighting techniques from it is natural for me, but I''m just that kind of freak. Everybody needs to learn what works for them, y''know? Which isn''t all that different from sex, if you think about it.


    I''m not sure at what point a lonely clue wandered into my brain, but I looked over at her and the clue blossomed into suspicion. "Wait... wait, wait, wait." I couldn''t really believe it, but I kept my voice low enough that with the assorted grunts and cussing coming from the sparring nobody''d hear anything. "You mean you''ve never?"


    The Sister shot me a look of irritation, frustration, and exasperation that practically defined the sentiment, ''duh''. Before I could even come up with a response to something so alien to my brain, Saffron broke down laughing. Okay, she didn''t ''break down'', but she snickered, then snorted, then let out a real bark of laughter before getting herself under control. "The fuck, Kitten? I mean, I''m at a loss, because... why? But you shouldn''t be laughing at her."


    She chuckled again before saying, "oh, no. I''m not laughing at her. Not specifically. I''m laughing at both of you. Apologies, Sister. You, at least, have an excuse."


    "Nani the fuck?"


    It took Saffron a second to get her giggling under control, because her laughter had totally degenerated into giggles. "You''d best be done with Calverton by Summer Solstice then."


    I rolled my eyes. "I''d intended to at least get it to the point where it''s down to clean up. But why?"


    "Because I''m quite certain if we lock the pair of you in a room on the Solstice, it''ll clearly be the Equinox before either of you gets up the nerve to do anything." Then she broke down in giggles again. Quiet ones, that didn''t do much more than some subtle jiggle physics I only knew about because I knew the truth of the magnificent mammaries hiding under her jacket.


    Before I could reply, before I could really do more than splutter, Marie chimed in from behind with, "Spring." At which point the Saffron practicing submission holds in the Love Shack lost her shit laughing.


    "Hey!"


    She got her Love Shack self under control long enough to look around the room and say, "I''ll miss not being able to use this place until Spring. But needs must."


    I''d never actually seen Marie laughing that hard before. I just hung my head, sat there on the edge of the bed with my head in my hands. "Oh, god. I''m a Useless Lesbian, aren''t I?"


    At which point Saffron pulled my chin up and around and kissed me. No, love. You''re far from useless. You''ve just shown yourself to be as hesitant with new partners as you are decisive on the battlefield.


    I pulled away, our foreheads pressed against one another. "Yeah. Useless Lesbian."


    She huffed out her annoyance. "If you keep saying that?"


    "Yeah?"


    "I will be forced to demonstrate the wide variety of uses you can be put to until you admit to being a very useful ''Lesbian''." She fake glowered at me, which left me only one recourse.


    "Useless Lesbian."


    So, uh, yeah, duBois pre-lunch lecture about not knocking the Healer out fell on mostly deaf ears. I did feel a little guilty, so I walked her back down to the Infirmary after the four of us had eaten, before class started back up again. I''d been a little worried about folks waiting there for her, but it turns out when there''s not any kind of illness going around, most of the Infirmary cases are, in fact, generated in the Practice Yard. So we had a minute before I had to get back.


    "Look, Sister, I get it if you''re not interested any more."


    She blinked. "Why would you think that? I mean, I was thinking the same thing, but in reverse. But of course I still want to. I think. But that has nothing to do with you."


    Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    "So why the hesitation, if it''s not me?"


    She shrugged. "I think it''s what I want, but I have no idea."


    I stood there for a little bit, more confused than ever. "How do you not know?"


    She threw her hands up in the air, "because I''ve never done anything like that before!"


    That reminded me of her admission in the Practice Yard. "Wait, right. Wait, like, really nothing?" She just stared at me. "Not even any experimentation alone in your room when you were, like, eight years old and shit started tingling when your cute friends got sweaty enough for you to smell them?"


    She mouthed the word, ''eight?'' then said, "eight years old? Precocious, weren''t you?" Before I could reply she shook her head and said, "wait, no, don''t Bag mature faster?" Then her eyes got real big and she blushed for an entirely different reason. "Oh, Canta, no, I didn''t mean it like that."


    "Like what?"


    She threw her hands in the air. "I was a sheltered child. I think you are the first Bag I ever spoke to. Frankly I don''t know what''s offensive and what''s not!"


    I shook my head, stepped up to her, and laid a hand on her shoulder. "Sister, that''s like the last thing you need to worry about. Do you treat Bag different?"


    "Not that I''m aware of!"


    "Do you try to be fair and shit?"


    Her shoulder trembled a little under my hand. "Yes!"


    I pulled her in and hugged her. "Then for now? You''re fine. I''ll let you know if you do or say something that offends me, okay?" She nodded, suddenly still and silent. "Although you''d be better off asking Saffron or maybe Grandma Aetos about local Dan bullshit." When she made a quizzical noise, I said, "I didn''t actually grow up in Camden Yards. A bit further away. Far enough that there were whole different racist dynamics going on."


    She made another little noise into my chest. Meanwhile I''d realized what I''d done and thought about it a second. I hadn''t pulled her to me with any kind of smexy times intent. I''d seen her working herself up into some kind of hysterical self-flagellant frenzy, and interrupted with a gesture of comfort. Totally why I''d done that. I''d do the same thing for Angel, or Bonnie, or Raven. I tried really hard not to think about how many times I''d entertained idle thoughts about shenanigans with them. Okay, not Raven. I''m not that masochistic.


    I stepped back, holding her shoulders. She might have left her hands on my chest a little longer than could be explained by needing comfort. ''Comfort'', maybe, but not comfort. "You okay? I gotta get back to class."


    "Yes. On one condition."


    I opened my mouth, paused a moment, then said, "I was gonna say ''name it'', but then I figured you might ask for something we''d need to lock the door for, but screw it, I''m really not a rules kinda girl anyhow. What condition?"


    She backed up to her desk, propping her ass on the edge of it, bracing herself with her hands. "You don''t want to wait for the Summer Solstice now?"


    I laughed. "Well, shit, everything I said still applies, but trust me, I''ve done way shadier shit. Since that conversation, even. Although I really do have to get back to class at the moment."


    She chuckled, and it had a definite fuzzy edge to it that I normally associated with Saffron in a mood or Marie being, y''know, Marie. "Can''t you be in two places at once?"


    I rolled my eyes. "Well, yeah." I stepped back to the Practice Yard, because class had, in fact, started back up, and it wasn''t fair for Saffron to be the only one on duty to fix injuries. "But, y''know, I might be a dumbass, a standards challenged dumbass even, but it''s come to my attention that when it comes to, ah, intimate activities, I''ve actually got some standards to maintain."


    "Uh..."


    I laughed just a little. "I don''t want to be distracted the first time."


    She raised a brow, trying for an arch look. "But the second time distraction would be fine? For that matter you''re so certain there will be a second time?"


    I thought about exactly how many uses Saffron and Marie were putting me to right at that moment and let that seep into my smile. "Sister, I''ve got a Wife and a Concubine, and to hear them tell it, I''m the least thirsty among the three of us."


    That got the blush I''d been looking for without realizing it. "Oh. Oh... I was going to ask you not to question my... commitment to our... assignation?"


    "Let''s call it a date?"


    She blushed even more. "Yes. Let''s. So, my condition is that you stop questioning my commitment to our date."


    I chuckled a little at that. "Date it is. Barring some bizarre shit coming up, because that''s never happened before, as soon as the semester is done?"


    "I look for... I look forward to it!"


    I smiled, shot her a quick salute, and collapsed into the me in the Practice Yard.


    "Sorry, Kitten."


    "For what?"


    I shrugged. "You know, chatting with the Sister."


    She reached out, took my hand, and Co-Located the two of us to our bedroom, where she plonked us both down butt first onto the edge of the bed. "Stop doing that."


    "Doing what?"


    She leaned against me. "Saying you''re sorry for doing something I''ve already said doesn''t hurt me."


    I shook my head, slowly, trying to fight my disbelief. "How can it not?"


    She took a deep breath. "If Hilde had been older, and secure in herself, would you have been jealous?"


    "Well, yeah?" I thought about it. "Maybe? No? I''m not sure."


    "Would you have been hurt?"


    I knew the answer to that one. "Nah. She''s totally hot. I think envy might be a better word."


    She snorted. "Like I wouldn''t share. Like I wouldn''t have to; she was hanging all over you, if you''ll recall."


    "I still don''t get that."


    She tilted her head and twisted around to look at me. "Really? Do you doubt my taste?"


    I sighed. "Yeah, pretty constantly."


    "Marie''s?"


    I snorted. "Yeah, her too."


    "All the women and men I''ve seen casting surreptitious glances your way when you''re wearing The Dress? Especially when you''ve decided that two pieces of silk are far too many?"


    I snorted. "Yeah, right. Okay, maybe I get some stares when I''m really blatant about it. But..."


    Her fingers over my mouth shut me right up. She swung her leg over to plant her butt on my knees, put a hand on either of my temples, and stared into my eyes. Then the images began. Most of them just flashes, almost all of them folks I didn''t recognize, just people in Phileo, in the Yards, at the Academy, in the camp outside Newark, at Lancaster House, even folks in the crowd on Johnson''s Green. I''m not sure how much time we lost like that, but by the time we finished, the sky outside our window was black. We''d kind of finished class on automatic, and apparently that whole ''compilation of fools falling for Tabitha''s thirst trap'' wasn''t something Saffron needed to pay all that much attention to.


    She just smiled at me. "See?"


    "Are you sure you''re not jealous, Kitten? I don''t want to hurt you. I really, really, really don''t."


    She put her arms around me. "Love, I think I finally understand Mrs. Driver."


    That took a minute, but when I got it I said, "wait, really?"


    She nodded. "Absolutely."


    "What happened to ''mine, mine, mine''?"


    She sank her teeth gently into my earlobe for a moment or two, tugging at me just enough to let me know in no uncertain terms that she was, in fact, being gentle. "You are mine, love, but I''ve discovered I am not jealous. You are so wonderful I want to share you as... a way of bragging, I think. Like having guests at our mansion, or showing off our works of art, or sharing meals prepared by our magnificent mutual Maenad Maid Marie."


    I snorted again. "You make me sound like I''m the fun one." She just smiled at me. "C''mon. You''ve got Skills. Multiple."


    "And yet, without you even Mimicking them, I find your attentions more pleasant than my own."


    "Yeah, how would you..." I stopped. "Really?"


    "I am a sane, rational woman. Of course I would compare and contrast. What made you think I wouldn''t?"


    I shook my head. "I... probably coming from a world riddled with prudes, honestly."


    Right about then Marie stepped through the adjoining door to the sounds of Menace snores, and from both that her and one that had Translocated silently in behind us said, "Duh."


    As Marie closed the door behind her, Saffron put on an obviously fake grumpy face and said, "well, that''s no good. I can''t show you off properly if you''re going to have these prudish impulses all the time." She paused, serious a moment. "Unless you want to be? Prudish?"


    "Oh, hell no."


    "Good. Well then, we''ll have to get rid of those then. Agreed?"


    Before I could reply, Marie said, "Agreed."


    "Do I get a say?"


    "You just had one. So no."


    I couldn''t help it, I collapsed to the bed, laughing. A long, languorous laughter filled time later, we all snuggled in to sleep.


    Mimic dreamt of Marie and her Sous Chefs tempting me away from the shit pyramid with endless shrimp.


    I spent Friday in the Practice Yard again, this time deliberately working on Swift Foot and Strong Arm. No Skill up, but this time by the end of the day I wasn''t blocking the doors, because both of me running managed to run up the wall over the door each lap. I wondered exactly how fast I might wind up when I actually managed to get Swift Foot skilled up.


    I mean, I wondered that until I remembered that I am, in fact, a dumbass Juvenile who cannot get Skills.

 Day Three Hundred And Twenty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, I never really understood the phrase, ''never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups'' before.


    Sad thing is, the ones I''m dealing with now, the ones causing the problem, such as it is, aren''t even stupid or, from their own perspective, evil. But there are enough of them, and they''re homogenous enough, that they kinda self-reinforce. Which I''m guessing would be even worse with actual stupid people. Normal non-stupid people who give in to groupthink just get artificially stupid. Stupid people giving into groupthink? That''s the shit of nightmares, and I say this from the perspective of an actual existential nightmare given physical form.


    So apparently I''ve hit the point where I can get basic copying done without paying all that much attention. Like, I don''t even really need to read what I''m copying. I''d kinda like to get something written in Cyrillic or Katakana to test myself with, but without the internet or inter-library loans and shit, god only knows how I''d go about doing that.


    I''ll contact Sun Wukong and see if he has anything he needs copied. You do owe him a favor after all.


    Uh... so him loaning me a book to copy when I want to copy a book is me doing a favor for him?


    From the right perspective, yes.


    Didn''t you say something about Tricksters and professional courtesy?


    That means we don''t take it personally so long as the results of our schemes and scams don''t impact us personally. Trying to keep us from indulging in our very nature when interacting would be foolish.


    Huh. Yeah, I guess that tracks. Thanks, Boss. You''re the best!


    I know.


    So last night after I got done with my day of trying in vain to raise Skills I''m not allowed to get, I might have been a little depressed when we all piled into bed. At first I thought the others didn''t realize, but when tiny Isnomi snores whistled from atop the Marie curled up at the foot of the bed, Saffron''s eyes slid open and she said, "Marie? Could you, please?"


    The three of us appeared in almost the same positions on the Love Shack bed. Before I could open my mouth, Saffron laid her fingers across my lips and whispered, "no arguments, Goof."


    I blinked. Ledger?


    "Oh, I will tell you explicitly when that happens. No, love. This is simply Marie and I enjoying the hell out of helping you combat your depression. Now. Kiss me. Kiss me like a glacier, slow and inexorable as time itself. Take your time, and when I pass out from you inevitably failing to let me up for air, Marie will have her turn. Then I will again when you do that to her."


    I balked a little. I don''t want to hurt you.


    "I''m not that delicate, love. You have my consent. My enthusiastic consent. Should my consent become any more enthusiastic, it will become a demand. Must I demand this of you, my love? Please. Kiss me."


    So I did.


    I think we wound up dropping back into bed around five AM. False dawn lit the sky outside our windows, at least. We stumbled into class late. Hell, we stumbled into class after lunch, but nobody seemed to care all that much. Along with Saffron and I wandering up to the stacks and Translocating out to our home office after stealing the table from the Love Shack, I settled down to make copies of the ''Custom'' section of ''Law and Custom of Norfolk''.


    Of course, when it comes to ''practical considerations'' and ''alternate assessments'', I think I can count what I Co-Located myself to do as more points toward a passing grade. No, I''m not talking about the things that went on in the Love Shack after we stole the table. I haven''t even really looked into bribing Doc DeLeon or Sister Cheryl with carnal delights. Not to put too fine a point on it, I think they''re both into guys. Not that I''d let that stop me, but they haven''t really made ''interested'' noises. Or expressions. You know what I mean.


    No, at the same time I stole the table, I Co-Located down to Norfolk, slouching into the throne with one leg hooked over an arm of the thing, wearing my jeans and tee shirt. "What''s the word, guys?"


    Skasn had joined Olga, Weyson, and Svart around the cobbled together conference table in front of the throne. He nodded in greeting, then said, "The Trolls await your review." After a pause he added. "You might wish to dress, perhaps, a bit more formally?"


    I snorted. "You just wanna see me half naked." One blink of an eye later and, without moving, I replaced my jeans and tee with The Dress. Sans boots or accessories at the moment, since after yesterday''s failure and last night''s soothing interlude I had no fucks left to give at the moment. "Not that I mind."


    Weyson choked a little on his spit. Probably something to do with sitting to the side of the throne that had my crotch pointed at it. Svart, opposite him, laughed, and if Olga got a little red in the face, she didn''t complain. Skasn just squinted a little, then smiled. "Norfolk has never had a Queen before. You''re certainly easier on the eyes than any of the others who''ve sat on that throne in my lifetime."


    "Aww... thanks, Skasn! Don''t get any funny ideas, though. I''m a happily married woman, and even if my wife seems to want to show off my carnal skills to all and sundry, I''ve got a hard and fast rule against Jotnar telephone poles invading my cooch, among other things."


    Skasn put one hand to his chest in an absolutely faked ''taking offense'' gesture. "You''d not allow one of my people to woo you?"


    I shrugged. "Eh. Wooing or not, if it''s the size of my thigh, it''s not getting inserted between them." I tilted my head in absolutely irreverent thought. "Maybe if there''s a Jotnar out there with a micropenis? That would be, what, the size of my arm or some shit? Might be a struggle, what with me not doing much in the way of dick riding since Saffron and I hooked up, but if it''s a diplomatic necessity I''m sure I could manage." Not that I had any intention of banging somebody who could pick me up with one hand and use me like a particularly skinny fleshlight, but as I''ve mentioned before, never back down. That much I''d known long before being isekaied.


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    It worked, too. Skasn held his ''offended dignity'' pose for like five seconds before breaking down into howls of laughter, slapping at his thigh as he laughed. He and Svart set each other off a bit with the laughing, and eventually Olga joined in, looking a little sheepish at her earlier offense. Maybe she thought I was gonna start a throne room orgy with her baby daddy in the room or something. Shit, I really wondered how many previous Norfolk Monarchs had done shit like that now. Just another thing to list down as a potential problem. I mean, if everybody on the Ruling Council or whatever is down for Friday Night Orgies or some shit as a team building exercise, I''m not exactly the bitch who''s going to tell them no, but given the current makeup of the group it didn''t seem like everybody would be down for it.


    When the laughter died down, Skasn nodded toward Svart, who took over the briefing, his deep voice easy on the ears. Frankly, in terms of guys in the room, all I could say there was that Olga had good taste and leave it at that. "So far most of the ships have arrived, but Ericson and Karlson''s battleships have yet to arrive, nor has Swanson''s. We''ve gotten a message from Swanson, though, when three in four of your ships from those three Jarldoms arrived. He''s stripping his former Jarldom down to a trio of Warriors to guard against Raids and wildlife, stopping by Karlson''s to do the same, then swinging through Ericson''s to scoop up whoever is available there as well. Barring resistance at Ericson''s, he expects to be here by the end of day nine. Next Wotansday."


    I frowned. "Where''s Ericson''s body?"


    Svart turned to Weyson, who said, "we burned it, my liege."


    Trying to ignore the tingles from ''my liege'', I asked, "was his axe made at his Jarldom?"


    "Yes?"


    "Bring it here. When does Swanson expect to get to Ericson''s?"


    Svart answered, "he expects to arrive there in the afternoon on Moonday next."


    I nodded. "I''ll be here Monday morning to collect that axe."


    The rest nodded, and Svart continued. "By Moonday everyone but Seneschal Swanson will be here; the troops he intends to bring will of course not be here yet either, but any Moots can be held starting then."


    I thought about that for a second. "Can you four handle those? Oh, and have Jarl Johnson help out if need be. Let him do binding arbitration of anybody who can''t settle their own shit."


    Weyson chimed in with "Not you, my liege? They might not accept his word. He is... persuasive, but not militant."


    I smiled at him. "If somebody won''t listen, he has my permission to feed them to his new paramour." All four of them looked some kind of way at that, so I relented just a little. "If there are too many for him to handle by himself, I''ll pitch in. But I promise you, if I''ve got to do that kind of work I''m going to be less pleasant to deal with than she is." When they all nodded, I asked, "What about the Trolls again?"


    "They await your review on the Green."


    I shrugged. "Okay, lead on." I swung my legs around to hop out of the chair, but in midair I got a glimpse of the floor. I Translocated to the door, The Dress'' boots in place, and stepped outside. The area in front of the longhouse had a bigger collection of buildings than Johnson''s village, but individually they looked a lot rattier. Like Johnson cared about the individual buildings, and had a bunch because he needed more, where Gregor had just... built more to have more. Even from the steps of the longhouse, however, I saw the edge of the King''s Green. I couldn''t not, nor could I fail to see the formation of green, scaly, halberd-wielding Lizard Bois standing there. Utterly still. In formation.


    "How long have they been like that?"


    Olga had caught up to me my dint of long legs. "Since just after breakfast. They bivouac in place every evening, then fall out into formation every morning. Waiting for you."


    "When did the last one arrive?"


    "Late Freyday night."


    It took me a minute to remember that was two nights ago, not last night. "So they just stood there in formation all day yesterday?" When she nodded, I muttered, "shit." Then turned to her and said, "catch up when you can, but no rush."


    I translocated to the front of the formation, and a sudden m¨¦lange of sensations rushed across me. First the tiniest bit of paranoid prey feeling, as at least a thousand eyes shifted to look at me. Not bodies, not faces, just eyes shifted ever so slightly. Then the same feeling of ''willing subordination'' poured into me, building on itself, oddly enough pooling in the portions of me covered by The Dress. Finally, in and around all the others, a sense of... fear. Not cowardice. Not a desire to flee. Just... fear. Almost raw. Every Troll on the Green looked on me and, both individually and as a whole, looked on me with the natural and right fear of an apex predator who has stumbled across something above them in the food chain.


    For a minute, I had all I could do to let it flow over me, through me, into me, without reacting. Without eating one or more of them just to confirm their assessment. Without joyously murderfucking my way through the formation. Without becoming the unholy apex terror they knew I could be. That they knew I was. That they wanted, maybe even needed me to be.


    When I could trust my voice even a little bit, as Olga''s footsteps came up behind me but long before she stood behind me, I called out, "good afternoon, Bois! You all are looking good! Is this all of you?" Thousands of halberds thumped into the Green once. "Fantastic! So, tell me, Bois, are you ready to go fuck some shit up?" Another thump, this time backed by a kind of weird low hissing. "Okay! The City of Calverton has been taken by Undead. Now, right now the Alliance, including all the troops Calverton was able to evacuate, is moving troops to take it back, to cleanse that unholy shit out of one of our Cities, but as of now, the Undead control all the roads, all the approaches, save one. The Bay. The docks are where we will breach their defenses, where we start to take our City back! So as soon as I''m done here, all of you are headed directly there. Because you guys don''t need ships, do you?" Two thumps each, another hiss, this one mocking anybody who needed something as petty as ''air''. "So, here''s the deal; I don''t know what they''ve got guarding the docks. Might be nothing. Might be ships. Might be underwater zombies, or, I dunno, walking skeletons, or ghosts, or zombie alligators or some shit."


    "Any of that gonna stop you?" Two thumps and another hiss. "Okay, Bois. One word of caution. They tell me there might be some really ugly Undead waiting, and while I don''t think any of the weenies are gonna hurt any of you enough for you to care about it? Some of those big powerful fuckers might, and I don''t want to waste you guys against shit that isn''t in your wheelhouse to fight." I reached behind myself, grabbing my own pole arm, my swordstaff, lighting up a massive Mana Blade on one end. "So. You hit one of those? Something that kills you faster than you can hurt it? Something that you can''t take down with teamwork or the power of friendship or even that gun you found? I''ll have some Jotnar coming along behind to back you up, if it''s just something that''s too big. But if that doesn''t get the job done? You all fall back and let me know. Got it?"


    One big thump. "You all ready to do this thing?" One huge thump, and a kind of collective roar as their jaws dropped open just far enough. "Then roll out. We''ll be along with rations and backup as soon as possible." With a loud roar, they all saluted, about-faced, and charged off Westward, their formation narrowing to a column as they hit the nearest road.


    "You catch all that, Olga?"


    She looked down at me, for some reason more than a little fear in her eyes. "Get what?" I waved to the Trolls advancing Westward, and she shrugged. "I don''t speak Troll."


    Well. Shit. Bit of an oops there. "Oh. Well. They''re heading to Calverton to set up a beachhead. I need Svart to get supply ships sailing to feed them when they do. Just, like, hold off from landing until they''ve secured it." She nodded. "I need you to hand pick as many Jotnar you can trust who can ford the Bay to back them up. I don''t know that they''ll need it, but if they hit something big, like, I dunno, a Dragon or some shit, I want them to have the backup they need."


    She nodded. "And what if we hit something even we Jotnar can''t deal with? Like, for instance, a Dragon of sufficient size?"


    I smiled up at her. "That''s when you call me, and I do what I do best." She raised an eyebrow, looking down at me. I lit off a Mana Blade on the other end of my Swordstaff, then spun the whole thing to burn twelve inch moat into the ground around me.


    "Fuck. Shit. Up."

 Day Three Hundred And Twenty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    Back in the day I thought about signing up for one of those medical testing jobs, where you essentially rent yourself out as a lab rat; I''m not exceptionally unhappy I didn''t do that.


    Two reasons for that, really. The first one is the obvious one; after having the entire class poke and prod at the whole hole I punched through myself, I realized that shit is actively painful, in a variety of not-fun ways. Folks poking at a barely healed wound, folks poking at an entirely unhealed wound, and if we''re talking about renting yourself out for medical science testing, folks poking holes in you specifically to see how you react. I mean, I get it, that last one is probably illegal, but you gotta remember where I''m from. If Camden never got the same reputation as Tuskegee, the folks in Camden are pretty sure it''s because that kind of shit happened a few noteworthy times in Tuskegee, whereas it''s just business as fuckin'' usual in Camden.


    Do I have any proof? No. Would I have kept any proof had I found any? Not if destroying the proof came with a paycheck, because atrocity is easy to find in Camden. Paychecks not so much.


    Thing is, in the here and now, I know of at least two places that have gotten the same general kind of treatment as Camden back in the world of Eastside, which to me says that it''s not so much an anomaly as something that happens every time the Gods or whoever can make it happen. If Zeus were the only head honcho, even with Ares as his second in command, I''d say it''s just them being brutal rapey fucks, but then... Odin. Much like his mortal suck up Lancaster, I''ve got to remember that while he may be a gaslighting evil fuck, he''s not a stupid gaslighting evil fuck. In short, if something is happening on the regular in the here and now, it''s probably happening because he wants it that way for some reason.


    Which makes the situation in Norfolk, where he has way more influence than, say, Sparta, that much more concerning. Well, former situation. Since I''ve gone and made it my business to rectify shit. Even if I did just send my most loyal followers in Norfolk to be the beachhead in Calverton. Seriously, I think if I''d told them to split up in penny packets and kill anybody I defined as a ''rapist'', that shit would end yesterday, but... I realized something last night, and I think I''d realized it before, just not consciously.


    Last night after I got home from Norfolk and snuggled into bed with Marie and the Menace, what with Saffron begging off for a bit to finish up some coding, sleep washed over me pretty quick. Mimic wound up getting a duet from chibi chef Saffron and chibi chef Marie, with full backup by the sous chef squad. Shrimp be flying everywhere, with Mimic going after it not unlike what I imagine Menace would be like at a hibachi place when the chef started flinging shrimp for people to catch.


    Man, that makes me feel some kinda way. I wanna take the fam to someplace like that. A nice restaurant with fun dumb shit to do. The kind of thing where everybody''s laughing when they eat, and nobody goes away less than stuffed to passing out, and everybody smiles and remembers it fondly, even after you lose the obligatory polaroid. I mean, I get it, I do, the important part of that is the family, and I''ve got that. Yule was awesome. The mornings at Lancaster House, where ''family'' got extended to include Menace''s posse and Marie''s Horde Hoard? Some of the touchstone moments that remind me not every warm fuzzy moment in the here and now has been one of butchery and gore. Hell, waking up together every morning is nice.


    I even know those moments are special because they''re so random and spontaneous, and that means making one happen is gonna be chancy at best, but back where I came from there were places whose whole business was based on creating them. No, they didn''t always work, but neither do anti-depressants or birth control. Sometimes you need something bad enough to stack the deck, roll the dice, and hope, y''know?


    So yeah, the ''feed Mimic and keep her amused squad'', which is reminding me of something from that old Mythology book, but I can''t remember what, did a really good job of distracting me from the ''ram shit pyramid up Mimic''s ass for maximum fecal distribution'' legion. It almost distracted me enough to miss the fact that the whole fuckin'' legion had headed west. Just like I''d told them to.


    What the fuck am I supposed to do when, to the best I can figure, an entire sapient species wants me, maybe even needs me, to be something I really don''t want to be? Worse, I get the feel that they''re not even worshipping Mimic. They''re worshipping me. Tabitha Diaz. The woman who slaughtered an army, who stared down Apollo and didn''t just kill Ares'' chosen, I tore him to pieces and left him alive, twice. Who took apart the Champions of the City that''s enslaved them for god knows how fucking long with no bigger personal consequence than ''kinky new hole'' and ''egregious lady boner''. At least Mimic has the excuse of being brain dead.


    Deep breaths. Not a villain. Not a murderess. Not the Big Bad, even if that''s what the Trolls are looking for. What they see me as. Rapturously. So strongly I feel like they''re impacting me as much as the Cults my Kitten started in the Alliance Cities. I dunno why I don''t call them ''churches'' or ''temples''. Cults just... feels right. Hell, the Lizard Bois might be the biggest, most devout group of worshippers I''ve got, and they definitely feel like a Cult. My big challenge at the moment is somehow convincing myself that I didn''t send my most devout followers on a suicide mission to prove I''m not a villain.


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    Yeah, that sounds pretty fucked up levels of stupid when I think it with my own brain.


    Which means I''m just stupid enough that if I had sold my body to science while still alive, I''m pretty sure the lab coated sadists would have fully realized about and gotten themselves off on my masochistic tendencies long before I realized why I was keeping the job long after I no longer needed the money.


    Woke to sleeping Saffron squished against me. I''m pretty sure one of her arms would either be asleep, reek of Marie, or maybe both, since she''d laid it directly above our heads where our full time twenty four seven Marie bodyguard sat to let us use her thighs as pillows. The other one lay atop Marie''s foot, which lay on my hip, which pretty much meant I would have to wake both of them up to get away. Okay, wake Saffron, what with the Marie in question being the one who didn''t sleep. That poked my curious button, so I whispered, "Hey, Marie?"


    "Yes?"


    "Do you swap out which one of you plays bodyguard pillow?"


    She stared for a while, almost like she didn''t understand the question. Then I realized, she wasn''t sure I''d understand the answer. More likely she couldn''t put it in a short enough sentence for her to actually get it out before she ran out of words. Not that she had an abstract limit, but it couldn''t be easy talking with a mouth not designed for it. So I thought about it for a bit, then asked, "they''re all you?"


    Her whole face brightened. "Yes!"


    "But you can multitask." She nodded. "Isn''t that how Avatars work?" She frowned. "Wait, D''s Avatar, the one that went dancing with us, kinda identified himself as different to D Actual, didn''t he?"


    "Yes."


    "So an Avatar would be like, you, but a different parallel you, while Co-Locating is just you, but in multiple places at once, and because you''re a Demigoddess you can kinda pay attention to more than one at a time?"


    She smiled down at me, nodded, then proved exactly how flexible she could be by leaning down and kissing me. She kept doing that until Saffron woke up a few minutes later. We watched without breaking lip lock, although our oral gymnastics died down to the equivalent of skipping back and forth and, I dunno, doing somersaults or basic handstands, shit gymnasts can do to stay warmed up and limber while watching someone else. Saffron''s boot up sequence absolutely captivated both of us enough for that, and when her eyelids slipped open she gave us a look. "I can''t tell if you''re taunting me, waiting so I can watch you, waiting for me to join in, or some other fourth thing I haven''t thought of."


    At the sound of her voice, Menace stirred, and Saffron Co-Located the three of us to the Love Shack. "Let''s explore that."


    Back in the room, Marie and I wrapped up our extended good morning kiss, then took turns doing the same with Saffron. By the time we finished, Menace stood on our hips, reaching for Marie. "Up! Up!"


    "Adorable as that is, you really need to learn some basic manners, my girl."


    Menace rolled her eyes, then looked at Marie imploringly. "Up, please?"


    Marie scooped her up, nuzzling her and purring. I had a momentary spike of blinding envy, then a sudden rush of brains to the head. I Mimicked the Menace, held my hands up, and said, "up, please?"


    For a moment I stood there, disappointment growing, as Marie slit one eye open to look at me as she continued to nuzzle a giggling Menace. I''d forgotten entirely about the Marie behind me, who scooped me up and nuzzled me until every bit of disappointment leaked out of me in the form of laughter and giggles. When I finally wheezed my way to stillness draped over one of Marie''s shoulders, I had no idea which Marie had me, which one had Menace Saffron, and which one had OG Menace, because all three of us were fuzzy and panting. Then I spotted a twinkle in the eyes of the one I realized at that moment was OG Menace. Before she could do anything, I held up one fuzzy paw. "Stop!"


    I Co-Located up to our classroom, shifting back to myself as I did, tossing on a Uniform for propriety''s sake as well. "Hey, Profs?"


    The four of them paused the pre-class discussion they''d been having, and Doc Z said, "yes, Tabitha?"


    "I think we''re gonna be a little late to class today. Menace thing." At the silent chorus of dismayed faces, I laughed and said, "nothing bad! Just gonna be a bit before we''re all ready to come up. But we''ll see you then?"


    They all nodded, and Doc DeLeon said, "thank you for letting us know."


    I collapsed back into my Menace atop Marie''s shoulder form and said, "Go!"


    The most raucous game of chase, tag, hide, seek, pounce, and wrestle I''ve ever been part of ensued. When Saffron and Menace teamed up to poke at me and run in two directions, I split myself into two chasing them, and a moment later Saffron did the same thing. When she realized what we''d done, Menace froze, wide eyed, squeeing at a pitch and volume that definitely ensured there were no living bats in the Academy attic. Then she pounced on me, and the game got even crazier. At one point I chased a Menace into the armoire for the third time, only to find the back door open, and the game spread into the Workshop.


    I don''t think I can properly describe the glee on OG Menace''s face as she stood in the middle of the Workshop, surrounded by running, pouncing, jumping, gleefully chaotic Menaces and Maries, when Conrad came stomping out from one of the recesses of his workshop. He looked straight at one of me and whined, "Mother!"


    On the one hand, it wasn''t fair to use his workshop as our playroom. On the other hand, I''m not sure I could stop the other three if I wanted to, which I really didn''t. So instead I hopped up onto his shoulder and whispered into his ear a bit. He turned to me, raised an eyebrow, and said, "really?"


    At my nod, I swear he did the Platonic Ideal of the Mad Scientist Cackle, one that froze the rest of the game of Menace chase in place for a moment before it exploded back into motion. After his laughter, Conrad actually scooped me into a hug of all things, set me down, and said, "back in a bit," then he looked around at the rest of us doing like a horde of Dee Dees in Dexter''s Lab, calling out, "and you will rue the day!"


    Which is how, not half an hour later, he entered the fray with here and now''s first ever nerf gun.


    I mean, belt fed nerf Gatling gun, but, y''know, Conrad.

 Day Three Hundred And Thirty

    Dear Diary,


    Some days I really don''t know why I try to be nice to people.


    Okay, I know why I try. Yeah, my murderfuck rampage on Johnson''s green was fun and cool and all, but to be honest I enjoyed the after party way more, and yesterday''s pounce fest was even better, and nobody died. I don''t feel guilty about killing King Shitdick or his lackey, Shitdick Two, Wrath of Berserker Shitdickier. I barely even feel guilty about getting off killing Ericson at this point. But I do kinda feel guilty about not feeling guilty, if you see what I''m saying.


    So yeah. I try to be nice to people, because if everybody were as nice and kind as we could be, just maybe the world would be a better place. Not perfect. Shit still happens. People die. Food goes bad, diseases evolve, accidents and natural disasters happen, and people die. But shit, in Phileo we all pitched in against the fuckin'' Plague, and guess what? We lost, I dunno, a few thousand people. At a guess, half of them because of the actions of a few assholes who didn''t get the message. I mean, I get it. Pennypack was just some random asshole who didn''t get it. But... after that first dude, how did the others not get it? At what point does ''ignorance'' become ''complicity''?


    And why, holy fuckballs why the fuck am I having to think about this shit? I never asked for this kind of power. I just wanted to fuck around and watch sharks.


    Sometimes it seems like it just doesn''t pay to do the right thing.


    So yesterday we got to class in the afternoon, and I mostly sat there grinning like an idiot about how many little hickey spots I''d have if we hadn''t all been fuzzy in the morning. Seriously, Conrad''s foam darts had little suction cups on the front, and they stuck to flat surfaces hard when they hit. Against fuzzy targets like Marie, Menace, or me and Saffron Mimicking Menace? They bounced off. Oh, they tagged hard enough we knew we''d been tagged, but not much harder than flicking somebody with an index finger. Which makes me think we should have been wearing eye protection, but that''s what Heal Spells are for, right?


    At any rate, Saffron stood up at the front of the room working on the Smite Spell all afternoon. Unfortunately, while weaponizing a Healing spell definitely falls under the umbrella of ''wrecking shit'', in this case my own contribution amounted to the initial inspiration and not much else. But at the end of the day, after everyone else left the classroom, Saffron came up to me and said, "I''ll need your assistance on Wotansday, love."


    "What happens on Wednesday? Other than me finally getting my Battleships?"


    She chuckled a little at my ongoing infatuation with riding a Queen of the Seas, then said, "I''ll be emplacing my second Global Spell."


    It took me a second, because I am, as noted, a dumbass. "Oh, shit. Smite is ready?" She nodded. "And you''re making it Global?"


    She shrugged. "Can you think of a reason we would deny someone the ability to protect themselves against Undead?"


    I pulled her to me, bonked our foreheads together. "I am so fuckin'' proud of you, Kitten."


    "None of this would have happened without you, you realize?"


    I rolled my eyes. "Shit, Kitten, you do all of the heavy lifting. I just pump you full of Mana."


    She giggled. "You make even that sound titillating, but no, you inspired all of this. Just an offhand comment, yet it set all this in motion. Just... trace it all back. You being you, refusing to be other than you, and all of this is the result."


    I frowned. "A town full of Undead is the result."


    She frowned right back. "Did you fire those arrows?" Before I could answer, she cut me off. "Did you miss? Really, love, you need to stop blaming yourself for what other Gods do when they throw tantrums because you refuse to allow them to use us as playthings."


    "I''ve, uh, kinda used you as a plaything. More than once."


    "With my explicit consent, Goof. Never forget that."


    "I don''t." I sighed. "I think if I forgot about that? I''d probably end myself. Or go full on demon. Honestly, I hope I''d off myself, but I think I''d probably just become the monster people assume I am."


    Saffron''s hands on my shoulders, her Mana Blades slid out behind my neck. "Don''t even joke about that, love. Promise me you will not kill yourself."


    "What if it''s the right thing to do?"


    She narrowed her eyes. "Then you will discuss it with me, and if I''m in agreement, we will see to it together."


    I let out a lungful of air. "What if you''re... biased. You''ve told me, you''ll be fine with me being a monster."


    She pulled me into her breast, Mana Blades dispersing. "I would be, love; and if you''re happy that way, I will be happy as well. But... I will bow to your wishes. My Goddess. My Wife. My Love. My Goof. Should you become a monster you despair to be, I will see to it you do not live to fall prey to that despair."


    "Thank you."


    Not sure if the frantic pace of shrimp delivery to Mimic last night came from that discussion, from my subconscious need to avoid falling prey to my Lizard Bois need for a monster to lead them, or just because Mimic liked her shrimp and chefs, and her chefs liked feeding her. Including feeding themselves to her. God that fucks with me.


    Remember, daughter, your alter-ego lives in Metaphoric Space. Where Metaphors are often as real as those who perceive them.


    Yeah, I''m not sure I like the metaphor that I''m literally consuming the people who love me.


    Ambrosia and Idunn''s apples are red herrings. Worship is the one true food of the Gods. That your worshippers are so zealous, despite your reservations? Speaks volumes about their opinion of you.


    Yeah, well. I''m not sure I agree with them.


    So strive to live up to their opinion of you.


    Yeah. Yeah, I think I can do that. Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    Woke up surprisingly refreshed. After some pleasant three way canoodling before Menace woke up, a solid breakfast with items stolen from the Academy, Drivers'', and Lancaster House''s kitchens, I dropped Menace at Loki''s with a Marie to watch over her. Saffron snagged one of me and one of Marie to keep her nominally entertained in the Love Shack while she went about her day of coding, and I pulled a Marie and Saffron, both decked out in their finest, along with me to Norfolk.


    I decided to go with The Dress in her normal form, because while I''m all for being Turbo Slut Nine Thousand, I didn''t feel like deliberate full frontal during my planned troop review.


    When we arrived, all four of the folks I''d mentally dubbed my ''court'' in Norfolk were chatting over breakfast. From the next room over I heard the dull roar of a cafeteria sized room full of people eating and socializing. One leg draped over an arm of my throne, Kitten in my lap, Marie to my left, I greeted everybody. "Hey, guys! How goes?"


    Skasn looked down at me and said, "well enough; who are your companions?"


    I turned to my Kitten and said, "Imperator Aetos-Diaz, these four are the ones who''ve been helping me transition Norfolk into the Alliance." Waving at each one and giving them a moment to nod, I introduced them. "Guild Master of the Duelist''s Guild, Duelist Champion Skasn; former Jarl Mage Weyson, who is probably the most knowledgeable local I know when it comes to Norfolk Law, former Jarl Svart, who has been handling most of our operational organization; and his mate, Skasn''s daughter, and my presumptive choice for next Queen of Norfolk, Duelist Champion Olga... Skasnsdotter?"


    Olga nodded. "Your accent is atrocious, but close enough. If there''s another Olga out there wanting to claim what''s mine, I''d be glad to discuss it with her."


    I sighed and nodded toward the open door. Skasn took the hint and nudged it closed, cutting off some of the sound from the other room. "Olga, Svart, Weyson, Skasn, this is the Imperator of the Inter-City Alliance, my wife, Saffron Aetos-Diaz." I nodded to Marie. "Marie, this is everybody, everybody, this is Marie, Head Maid of Phileo City Heroic Academy and Psychopomp Maenad of Dionysus."


    Olga sucked her teeth. "Kind of odd that you''d bring a God to the table, and not one of ours at that."


    "She''s our Concubine. Gonna be our Wife as soon as we can convince her it''s safe. My kid''s a little disruptive, or I''d have brought her along as well. But now that I think about it..." Boss?


    Cool air flowed out from behind me, and with a shriek of, "Mama!" Menace leapt from Sigyn''s arms to join Saffron on my lap.


    "Yes, Daughter?" Loki''s full Jotnar-sized hand settled on the back of my throne.


    Without ever turning away from the court I said, "Thanks, Dad." After a brief pause I said, "I''m not bringing Gods here to impress or intimidate you four. If you weren''t intimidated by me getting off popping Ericson''s head like an overripe melon, or by killing Shitdick with pure Mana through his Cold Iron Juggernaut Cosplay, you''re not going to be intimidated by, y''know, Gods and shit." I paused half a breath to let that sink in, then said, "I''m introducing you to my family." I stared at Olga specifically. "So maybe you get how I feel about things."


    She frowned, nodded, and quietly asked, "have you heard aught of my son?"


    I sighed and shook my head, "no, sorry. But, y''know, it''s been long enough, I think." I reached inward to where my connection to Domnu''s Emergency Coring Tentacles hovered and tugged. Not hard enough to force her appearance, but firmly enough she ought to get my fuckin point.


    Everything in the room got colder, darker, and then she stood facing me in all her dark glory. "Daughter."


    "Mom. Where''s Johnson?"


    She blinked, confused for a moment, then said, "oh. Him." She made a weird hand gesture and a bit of a full body twitch, and Johnson, stark naked, sopping wet, and semi-conscious, dropped to the floor.


    "Ow."


    "Willy!" Olga didn''t bother to stand, she just fast-crawled the dozen or so feet to where her son lay, scooping him up and snuggling him not unlike I''d do with the Menace.


    Not unlike I did a moment later to Menace and Saffron both, just because I could and Domnu''s presence made me all kinds of cranky. "So. Mom. How have you been?"


    "Worshipped." A pause. "Adequately." I might have shot a glare at her, and she shook her head and muttered, "extremely adequately."


    "Put the boy down, woman! He''s a grown man, he doesn''t need you coddling him!"


    I wasn''t gonna say anything, but apparently Sigyn gets testy when she''s reminded of how Mom-shaped Domnu is. "I think Domnu''s coddled him plenty."


    If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    "Really, mother, I''m fine." Johnson actually speaking coherently seemed to mollify Olga, who set him on his feet next to Svart, who reached up and shook his hand. I lost a minute to noticing that Johnson did not, in fact, drag on the ground hanging soft. Not quite. Sort of like D in that ''impressive in the abstract, but Way Too Much in reality'' way. Okay, if D saw Johnson he might be envious. Just a little. At any rate, he drew himself up and, casting adoring eyes on Domnu while still dripping with what on closer inspection did not move quite like water, said, "My Dark Goddess Domnu, I present to you my mother, Champion Duelist Olga of Norfolk, and my father, Jarl Svart of Norfolk."


    "Former Jarl," grumbled Svart.


    Domnu rotated to face Johnson without moving her feet, and when he finished his introduction, took a minute to stare blankly at Olga and Svart before deadpanning, "Champion. Former Jarl. Your Spawn is..." she glanced at me, exasperation clear in her expression and tone. "Exceptionally Adequate. I find him Acceptable." Almost as an afterthought she said, "You may and ought be proud. "


    Olga sat there, mouth open, like she definitely wanted to say something, but had no idea exactly what to say to a naked Primordial of Privatives who had just declared her son ''Acceptable''. Before she could undoubtedly start shit that would leave me the unenviable task of finding yet another ass to replace mine on Norfolk''s throne, I said, "Olga?"


    She blinked. "Yes, Liege?"


    "If I''m gonna be putting you on the throne, I need you to understand something." She nodded, and I continued. "Being King or Queen is a job. It''s a responsibility. Yeah, you give the orders. You get the nicest house and first pick of desserts. But..." I paused until she nodded again. "You get those perks because you need some of them to get the job done. If any of those perks get in the way of getting the job done, I expect you to set them aside for as long as you need to. Get it?"


    She nodded. "And the job is?"


    I smiled up at her. I think she got it; the job wasn''t ''giving orders''. "Your job, your responsibility as Monarch of Norfolk, is to make Norfolk the best place to live for everybody in Norfolk. Not just the Jarls. Not just the Heroes, or Warriors. or whatever you want to call your fighters. Everybody."


    Her lips pursed. "The Jarls... many of them won''t like that."


    "The Jarls can suck my ass and pretend they''re getting mouthfuls of chocolate cream. If after bitching about not being allowed to rape and murder they convince me my shit is actually the best thing they''ve ever tasted, I might, and I emphasize might, not do unto them as I did unto Ericson. If they don''t, I''m gonna let Domnu hurt them."


    She nodded. "Many of them will say it''s unnatural."


    "Yo! Johnson!"


    "Yes, my Seneschal?"


    I smiled at him. "Yeah, yeah, get cocky just because you play a meaner guitar than me. How many Thralls have you raped?" His mouth worked, his brows drawing down. "Dude, I''m not accusing you. How many?"


    He blinked, then shrugged when he got it. "None."


    Weyson cleared his throat. When I looked at him, he said, "I hate to say this, but legally, it is impossible to ''rape'' a Thrall. They are property."


    I glared at him a little, but shit, fucker was just doing his job. I took a deep breath, let it out, and said, "okay. As of right now, no more Thralls. Norfolk is, like the rest of the Alliance, now a zero-slavery zone. No slaves, no Thralls, nobody owns anybody else. Fuckers want to walk somebody around on a leash, let them find a puppygirl like God and Anime intended."


    I... you... You realize I''m right here.


    Yeah. Your support is noted, appreciated, and I''ll find a leash and some puppy ears as soon as...


    AS SOON AS?


    Y''know, you tell me if you need that collar in Mom size or Jotnar size.


    Nobody batted an eye when Loki lost his shit laughing. Score one for me.


    "Some of the Jarls will no doubt protest that as well."


    I shrugged. "Okay, Johnson, since ''not raping Thralls'' didn''t get my point across, how many Thralls did you have carnal relations with?" When he opened his mouth like he was gonna quibble, I said, "how many did you fuck, or do fuck-adjacent things with?"


    He got a real sheepish look before he said, "two."


    "Dafuq? Really, Johnson?"


    He threw his hands in the air. "They snuck into my bedroom! I woke with one of them on my face and the other attempting to impale herself! They refused to let me up until I agreed to teach them, and then refused to let me ''forgo their thanks''! I am but a man, what was I to do?"


    I couldn''t help it, a snicker escaped. "You telling me that you''re the one who didn''t Consent?"


    He waved his hands around in the air, "how could I not and call myself a Man of Norfolk?"


    "I... I''m not touching that with a ten foot pole. Or touching your ten foot pole."


    "It''s not..."


    "Look, man, I''m not here to argue about your length or girth. I''m just pointing out that you had more Thralls than any other Jarl I''ve seen. Hotter ones too, not to put to fine a point on it, because it looks like you managed to feed and clothe them properly, and you didn''t rape any of them. Or, y''know, force them to be fuck toys. So you are a walking, talking example that not only can it be done, your whole shit is nicer than theirs because of it."


    Olga leaned forward incrementally, getting everybody''s attention through sheer size. "Some would call my son and his policies unnatural."


    "Yeah," I growled. "I''d introduce you to the High Priestess who said and did bad things to my Menace here," said Menace took the opportunity to wave at everybody. "But she''s suffering from an acute case of ''stabbed through the face until her brains splattered all over her bitch Goddess'' altar."


    A slow smile spread across Olga''s face. "So should such find themselves unfortunately underfoot?"


    "So long as it''s a legit reason and not an excuse for you being lazy?" I grinned back at her, "I''ll be real mad if you don''t scrape that dogshit off before it stains your shoes."


    "Boots."


    "You get my point, you big dork."


    She chuckled. "I can work with this. Are you ready to review your troops?"


    "Can we get them all lined up on the Green?"


    She frowned. "On the Green? Yes. Lined up? May be difficult."


    "Let''s go then!"


    She nodded, turned, and stepped to the doors into the next room. Slamming them open, she hollered at ear-splitting volume, "okay, you lot! Your Queen is here, and she commands all of you to the Green," she paused just long enough for a few grumbles to start, then shouted, "NOW!" By that point Olga had Skasn on his feet behind her, not to mention Svart and I backing them up. I''m not really sure how much those of us of normal stature really added to the threat level, what with Olga going full on Angry Giantess, but the room cleared, fast. She turned and nodded to me. "After you, my Queen."


    I nodded to her and stepped to the front of our group, then jogged forward to let the bigger Jotnar walk at something approaching an amble rather than shuffling. Loki mentally poked me a second later. Do you need us further, Daughter?


    Nah. Stick around if you want, take Menace back home if you''d rather. Thanks for having my back, Dad.


    Any time, Daughter.


    You''re the best.


    I know.


    As we approached the door, the assorted Norfolk Warriors outpacing us in some kind of effort to be first to the Green, Olga murmured down to me, "how did you manage to be adopted by not one but two Deities?"


    I shrugged and smiled up at her. "Clean living and humility?" She snorted and stumbled. "I entranced them both with my rapturous beauty?"


    She raised an eyebrow. "You are pretty cute."


    I shook my head and crossed my forearms in front of me. "No! I said no to being a Jotnar cock sleeve, I''m also saying no to being a Jotnar dildo. Just no."


    "But you''d make such a good novelty... what are those things... the ones small folk make from sheep intestine?"


    "I AM NOT A JOTNAR CONDOM!" I roared. Okay, my voice broke in the middle and the rest came out as a squeak, at least in part at how much Olga, Saffron, and Skasn were laughing. Hell, even Marie had got her snicker on. "Fine. I tricked him and overpowered her. Happy?"


    If anything, the laughter only got louder. "Fine, keep your secrets, my Queen."


    That got me, I don''t know why. When we got to the Green, Olga straight up scooped up a fuckin'' six foot tall mound of dirt for me to stand on and whomped it down so I wouldn''t sink into it. I hopped up, dragging Saffron with me, and looked at the milling crowd. I amplified myself a little with a Message Spell, "Okay, guys, line up!"


    That got a round of boos and jeering. One big guy up near the front, who had a crowd of hangers on beside and behind him looking like mini-bosses, shouted out, "we are not Trolls, woman!"


    I shouted back, "yeah, the Trolls are an actual army, know how to take orders, and I''d be afraid of facing off against all of them at once," I held up one hand, finger and thumb the tiniest bit apart. "just a little bit. And you call me Queen. Liege. Diaz, if you have the stones and don''t want them any more."


    That got a laugh out of some of the crowd. Mr. Mouthy frowned at the idea I''d got more laughter than him. "NOT MY QUEEN!"


    I hopped down to land in front of him. My voice still amplified to carry, I called out, "Oh, is that so? If I''m not your Queen, you''re not one of my guys, which means you''re just an armed asshole in reach of people I actually give a shit about. Care to adjust your statement?" He looked down at me and, almost like I''d cued it up, roared and swung. I spun, Mana Blades blinking out and back in just long enough to slice off his hands and feet. He stumbled to a stop as I hopped backward. I caught him by the ears, my thumbnails hovering over his eyes, petite Mana Blades along their edges. "Look, asshole, I don''t know you. I don''t care enough about you to get pissed at you. I''d force you on your back and shit in your mouth to make a point, but I don''t really need to go that bad right now. But like I said, I don''t give a shit about you personally. But I''d hate to think that somebody useful got waxed in Calverton because you weren''t there to take the hit. So, how are we gonna get you to the point where you''re gonna acknowledge the basic fact of ''me big bitch in charge, you do what I fuckin'' say?"


    Gotta hand it to him, he had a set of lungs. He thrashed, almost taking his own eyes out on my thumbs, and screamed out, "FUCKING WHORE!"


    I screamed back, "I AM NOT A WHORE! I DO NOT TAKE PAYMENT! I AM A SLUT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!" Then, in a voice that matched my sudden boredom with dealing with all this shit, but still amplified to carry across the green, I sighed, "Domnu, remove his testicles and cock as painfully as possible."


    He screamed. He screamed a lot. He thrashed, moving me about as much as he did earlier. There were wet noises from beneath as I dragged him back to the mound of dirt, then hopped up and held him by his ears, spinning him so he faced the crowd. "Imperator, could you put his hands and feet back on, please?"


    Saffron rolled her eyes at me, then hopped down, collected his hands and feet and, with blinding flares of Mana, reattached them. Meanwhile I did a quick count of his now cowering lackeys. Eight of them all told. Then I leaned over to his ear. Still projecting my voice I said, "okay, dipshit. You need your hands and feet to be useful in Calverton. If you find twenty five people involved in freeing Calverton who tell me you were useful? You can have the rest back." I dropped him, and he slumped into a groaning heap at the bottom of the mound. "For the rest of you, LINE THE FUCK UP!"


    Yeah, it took like five minutes of me looking ever testier, but they got in something approaching lines. "Good! Now, I''m not gonna tell you all how to fight, or where, or any of that shit." I nodded to Saffron. "That''s her job. Before any of you get any ideas, I''m just gonna tell you this. I''m the NICE one of the two of us. I am, in every way that you all will ever care about, her bitch. Woof. Fuckin''. Woof. On the other hand, she''s way smarter than me, and she doesn''t like it when her toy soldiers get broken, so as long as you''re her toy soldiers, you''ll probably remain unbroken toys. Get it?"


    They all muttered some confused shit. "This is a simple yes or no question, guys! She is in charge. Do. You. Get. That?"


    That got a grumbled, mumbled, "yes," out of the crowd.


    "Okay. That wasn''t hard. Now, she''s in charge, she''s the one that''s gonna direct all y''all to victory and the rewards thereof in Calverton. For those of you who think in small words like me, Follow her, win, get rich. Got it?"


    That got a big old cheer. Let''s hear it for thuggish self interest. "Okay, guys. Three more things. First, when we''re done here, I want you all to send your," I lowered my voice, "former," then raised it again, "Thralls out here to the Green with instructions to line up and listen while my Imperator talks at them. Got it?"


    "YES!"


    "Cool, cool. Second thing, starting tomorrow we''re gonna have a Thing, and we''re gonna be putting some Laws together for Norfolk, ones that we''re gonna put on paper, ones that other Alliance folks have to follow when they''re in Norfolk. Can''t make people follow Laws unless you write ''em all down and shit. We''ll have scribes and shit copy them all down so everybody gets a copy, and everybody gets their say, but once they''re out there, they apply to everybody, okay?" Grumbles. "Even me."


    "Yes!"


    Okay, note to self, veto any ''Queen must fuck all wannabe fuckbois'' Laws. Even if it would be goddamned hilarious to watch Olga ride some dipshit like a disposable Sybian attachment. Shit, now I almost wanted to risk letting those laws through.


    "Final thing; I don''t want people arguing about old business while we''re dealing with lawmaking or Calverton, so today we''re gonna do Moots to settle any outstanding debts and shit. If you can''t come to a conclusion after..." I did some shitty mental math. "fifteen minutes, you look for somebody to arbitrate for you. If you can''t agree, you come to one of them," I waved at the court, "to arbitrate. If you still can''t agree, you come to me. I will absolutely come up with a solution nobody likes, and it will be permanent and binding, and may permanently include me binding your dick up your own ass if you argue. Everybody get that?"


    "Yes!"


    "Okay then, get your asses back in the longhouse and start Mooting! And don''t forget the thing I said about Thralls!"


    At that point like ninety percent of them cheered and thundered off somewhere. Not sure where. Didn''t care, either, because I was, in fact, sick of doing angry violent shit to people who might or might not deserve it. Worse, I knew I likely would have to again before the day let out. I leaned on Saffron, who snuggled under my arm, and turned to face the four person court I''d just dumped a shit ton of arbitration on. They looked surprisingly okay with the idea, but Olga slipped down into a tailor''s seat and bent down to talk a little more privately.


    "The Imperator''s bitch, huh?"


    I just smiled, thinking about how much I enjoyed turning my brain off and doing whatever the fuck Saffron told me, especially as regards, y''know, fuck. "Yeah."


    She looked at Saffron. "You''re the mean one?"


    My Kitten shrugged. "She cares what people think of her. Marginally, at least. She also, not to put too fine a point on it, cares about people. All of them. Even her sworn enemies, although she won''t let that stop her from killing them if they force her hand. She even felt marginally guilty about what she did to Ericson, until I convinced her otherwise. Mostly she felt other things, but she did feel guilty."


    It never ceased to amaze me how un-prudish some of the people here and now were. Even as some of them screamed out shit about whores, others just took the existence of fucking in stride, like a normal part of life that everybody did. Olga smirked a legitimately giant smirk and asked, "so, if she only felt marginally guilty, what else did she feel?"


    My Glorious Kitten looked up at the would-be Queen of Norfolk, licked her lips with the maximum amount of suggestiveness, and said, "gritty."

 Day Three Hundred And Thirty-One

    Dear Diary,


    Some days it seems that each and every day I slip further from who I want to be.


    There are a million reasons why. Millions, even, if I did my math right and the approximations on the population of the Alliance are correct. Over a million people in New Amsterdam alone. Hundreds of thousands in Phileo, in Camden Yards, in Newark and Norfolk. Only a couple tens of thousands from Calverton left, and I''m being generous there, but that''s a big part of the threat right now. Just under a hundred thousand people died of the Plague in Calverton, their Souls twisted by the trauma until they rose again as unholy abominations bent on consuming the Mana of the living.


    Funny. If I thought about it, I always thought of ''Mana'' as some kind of uber mystical woo, shit that couldn''t be weighed or measured or even really controlled. Like, the opposite of science. But I guess if it was, there''d be no way to use it. To control it. Yeah, ''magic'' might exist, but it wouldn''t ever be something you could count on. It would just be another random bullshit occurrence that fucked with things then wandered off to fuck with things elsewhere. Like natural disasters. Like Gods in the here and now. Like me.


    I want to be better. I need to be better. I should be better. I want to live up to the faith that my worshippers have in me. That Saffron has in me. I want to be the kind of person that my kid can both look up to and use as a role model. I mean, I hope she''ll outgrow me, do better than me, become something, someone genuinely good and righteous. It''s... too late for me on that, I think, sometimes. Maybe it was too late when I went to look at the sharks. Maybe when my mom died. Maybe when my dad left. Fuck, maybe I never really had a chance at all.


    But I will be fucked if I just lie down and let shit happen without trying to do something about it.


    Of course, it would help if, when I let people know something like ''hey, there''s this problem going on that requires the application of focused violence, has the potential for not only material gain, but the appreciation of people who have, in the past, had nothing but unveiled contempt for you'', they did something other than saying shit like ''hurr, hurr, hurr, fucktoy vaghips make funny mouth noises''. I mean, yeah, I am a fucktoy, and my default mode does in fact have a vag rather than a dick, and I refuse to be ashamed of either of those things, but fucking hell on a pogo stick, does each and every one of these fucktards need to have sense beaten into them? Shit, burned into them, since they tend not to listen to a simple beatdown unless they''re in the top one percent of thinking brain humanoid adjacent people here in Norfolk.


    So yesterday after starting off Mootcon Forty Two, Saffron let the more or less official Royal Court of Norfolk know that the remains of Ericson''s skull and what passed for his brains wound up in my Kitten''s stomach after she licked me clean during the post victory brunch. Somehow that finally managed to get the right kind of ''holy shit, the Imperator is six tons of crazy in a sixty pound sack'' into their brains. I mean, shit, I wasn''t lying or exaggerating when I said I''m the nice one. I might fuck somebody up in the moment, and now and again I''ve done some more long term shit like with Pennypack and his plague profiteering buddies, but... I don''t sit there brooding about shit, trying to figure out exactly how to maximize somebody''s suffering.


    I think my Kitten keeps extensive notes on that shit. She''s like Batman, if he didn''t have weaknesses like crippling dissociative identity disorder and a sense of mercy. I''m half sure she''s got some kind of plan to execute everybody who might get in her way as painfully as possible. Shit, not just painfully, but effectively, like so they won''t even wind up martyrs and shit. Hell, she might not even kill them, just leave them alive and focused entirely on unfucking whatever they''d fucked up.


    I snuggled up to her, ignoring all that while Olga, her son who had found some clothes and joined us, her baby daddy, and Odin''s local bitch shuddered their way to acceptance of the depths of my Kitten''s depravity. I wonder what they''d think if I told them they weren''t in the depths. Shit, they were barely wading in the kiddy pool.


    "Hey, Kitten?"


    With no one coming to us for arbitration yet, she took the opportunity to snuggle back into me. "Yes, love?"


    "Just wondering. Apropos of nothing, really. Do you have a plan for how to deal with our major players if they go rogue?"


    She shrugged. "Maybe."


    "Maybe?"


    She wriggled into me, making herself comfortable. "It depends entirely on who you consider ''major''. Of course I have a plan to apprehend and correct any inappropriate behavior in anyone with enough influence to hamper your... our efforts to make the world a better place."


    Like I said. Fuckin'' Batman. Then an errant thought struck me. "Even me?"


    She tipped her head back so I could see her face and Grinned at me. Ledger.


    Oh, shit. I did my best young Ralph Wiggum impression. I''m in danger.


    It did not do my blood pressure, sanity, or sense of decorum any favors when she just grinned more.


    "What about you?"


    She squirmed around until she could snuggle into me, ignoring the Royal Court, whose expressions varied between amused on Team Olga and deeply concerned on Weyson, smiled warmly, and said, "Of course I do. You, my love. Should I ever become a greater danger than an asset to the world we wish to create, I trust you to correct that."


    Not long after that, Thralls started trickling onto the Green. I nodded to the Court to head back to the Longhouse to supervise things, then stayed with Saffron while she did some inspirational speechifying, first to small groups who came to speak with her and be sure that yes, she was in fact the Imperator of the Alliance, who was here to free them all, and then to the whole lot of them when they''d all gathered. I missed most of it, since I focused on trying to build something like an accurate estimate of how many they were and how combat effective they looked.


    Final tally came in at around five thousand, and while none of them had the bulk or obvious aggression of the Warrior types, they all looked pretty wiry, not to mention having an expression I recognized from back in Camden. One that basically translated to ''fuck off with your bullshit, you can''t kick the shit out of me, life has left me shit free already, let''s fuckin'' go''. There is definitely a point of despair where morale doesn''t matter any more, and by and large each of these men and women looked like they''d hit it long before. They had women in with them too, although pretty much all of them had that same kind of wiry looking strength and lack of fucks remaining that the guys had.


    Like I said, I missed most of what she told them, but I did catch the end of it. "So, I cannot guarantee that any given one of you will survive this campaign. We will try, of course, but you and I both know that when things go sideways, it''s Thralls like you, just like Volunteers from the Yards or Levies from Newark, who wind up paying the bulk of the butcher''s bill. But I promise you two things. First, I will not waste your sacrifice. Should you fall, it will be doing something worth doing, making the world a better place for you and yours. Second, and I have already confirmed this with the Mayor of Calverton, any Thrall who fights to Liberate Calverton will have a home there. Not in some metaphoric sense, either. Calverton housed one hundred thousand before the Plague, and less than twenty thousand survive now. They may require repairs, as they''ve stood empty save Undead since last winter, but they will be yours. I will personally see to it that any family members you wish to bring along will join you as well."


    Holy shit, Kitten, what are the Jarls gonna think?


    On one hand, they are so focused on returning to their longhouses with loot, they''ve not thought about property. On the other? As you made abundantly clear to the Jarl who defied us, I do not give a shit.


    The Thralls didn''t cheer. They didn''t look excited. What they did look was determined. Hungry, almost. I got it. If one thing rang absolutely true for poverty stricken fuckers from back in Camden and poor fuckers in the here and now, the idea of owning your own land, your own place held a deep and abiding allure. Going from slavery to landowners over the course of, what, a month? I had to hand it to Saffron, I think she''d just recruited a chunk of zealots to the cause of the Alliance that would scare even the folks from Camden.


    By the tiny, savage smile on her face, she''d done it absolutely deliberately, too.


    You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.


    Just before lunch, I stepped the pair of us back to the throne room. "Hey guys?"


    Skasn and Olga looked up from the groups they''d been speaking with. Through the doors, I spotted Weyson, Svart, and Johnson all speaking with small groups as well. "Yes, My Queen?"


    "I''ve got an errand to run. The Imperator will fill on for me for Final Arbitration until I get back."


    One of the two dudes in front of Olga called out, "if you''re the nice one and you''re going to fuck our asses with our own dicks if we annoy you, what''s she going to do?"


    I didn''t bother to answer. Saffron''s voice filled the throne room as she sat upon it, back ramrod straight, legs crossed at the ankle. "I will destroy your mind and work your body like a puppet until it is destroyed when we need cannon fodder in Calverton."


    I smiled, waved toward my Kitten in a ''see, what did I tell you'' gesture, then hopped over to where I saw Ericson''s axe. I hefted it over one shoulder and jogged over to where Olga had a Jotnar sized pitcher set beside her. I hopped up onto the rim and, before she could ask me why, scried on Ericson''s Jarldom using his Axe as a focus. It took a bit more power than I''d like, and I think Olga''s water might have wound up tasting a little of Diaz'' own take on Pocari Sweat, but when I saw the brawl in progress on Ericson''s Green I dropped his axe and stepped there.


    The noise assaulted my ears immediately. A couple dozen guys screaming and flailing at each other. Okay, less than a dozen actively doing so, the rest lying around in some degree of fucked up.


    "YO! ASSHOLES!"


    They all froze at my shout. Not out of any real expressed sense of intimidation or fear, but with the wary looks of experienced fighters who''d just had something show up that they had no idea how to react to. Of course, the biggest asshole stood in the middle of the group with one big paw clutching the back of each of two smaller guy''s heads, like he''d been banging them together until they broke. Morale or skull, pretty sure he didn''t care which. He snorted and called out, "fuck off, whore, the men are discussing matters of import."


    I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and instead of executing the big dumb fuck right then and there, chose the path of Nate Dogg. I stepped to where some soccer ball sized stones defined the edge of the Green, picked one up, and stepped right up in his face. Literally. My first swing shattered some of his teeth. I grabbed his ear, braced one foot in his crotch, and smashed him in the face over and over. Sometime around the third swing his jaw shattered completely, and he toppled forward. My foot hit the ground and I shoved, pushing him up and over backward. I never stopped swinging, although I hammered his ear once and then moved down to his shoulders. Mostly because his other ear, the one I''d been holding onto, came off as a bloody mass of pulp.


    One of the two guys he''d been smashing reached down toward me. I caught the motion out of the corner of my eye and lashed out with a boot, catching him square in the sternum. I followed through hard with the kick, and I''m not sure where the fucker landed, but he did clip another couple guys with his legs before he disappeared into the distance. I laughed when I heard him hit with a splash, not at the thought of some overly Viking asshole drowning, but because the water in the air really did twinkle.


    After smashing Mister Man of Import''s shoulders, I stood up and looked around at the suddenly quiet crowd of big violent assholes around me. Like half of them looked like they thought the results inflicted on Man of Import and Twinkle Toes had been flukes. I sighed, powered up a Heal Injury to deliver through my left boot, and bounced my fuckin'' rock off the ground. Through Import''s pelvis. Then healed him. Then did it again. By the second time, none of them looked ready to assault me right at that moment. One bounce per word, I said, "Sit. The. Fuck. Down. NOW!"


    They fuckin'' sat. I dropped my rock into Import''s lap, completely failing to heal any resulting damage, because fucker deserved that much pain, and addressed the crowd.


    "You fuckers were arguing about who the next Jarl was, weren''t you?" At their muttered assent, I said, "I killed Ericson. Unlike you dumb shits, he worked me hard enough for me to get off on granulating his skull with my thighs. You dumb shits wouldn''t even do that much. I am Jarl Diaz, you all work for me now. Are we clear?"


    They muttered agreement. "ARE WE FUCKIN'' CLEAR?"


    "YES MA''AM!"


    "WHAT''S MY NAME?"


    "JARL!"


    "Fuckin'' right it is." I looked down and dropped a Heal into Import. When his eyes fluttered open, I said, "if I have to kick the shit out of you again, I will get mean about it. Are we gonna have a problem?"


    "No?"


    I stepped onto the rock, balancing my weight on one foot, rocking onto my toes and back with each word. "Are. We. Going. To. Have. A. Problem?"


    "No!"


    I didn''t hop off, because I wasn''t about to do anything even that close to getting off with these little wasteful shits watching. "Okay, here''s the deal. I''m gonna Heal you dumb fuckers, because I need you to go do God''s Work in Calverton. Some time this afternoon, Seneschal Swanson will be by to collect you, and your ships, and any Thralls ready to fight alongside us in Calverton. If I hear from him that any of you gave him, anyone with him, or any of my Thralls the slightest bit of shit, I swear to fuckin'' God you will learn what it feels like to inhale your own teeth through your nose. Are we FUCKING clear?"


    "YES, MA''AM!" Even Import managed to get some volume in his answer.


    "Good. I''ll see you on the King''s Green in two days."


    My work?


    Yeah. Any Glory they earn goes to you. I decided.


    Many of them follow Odin, or Tyr, or Thor. Some might follow other Gods as well.


    If they have a problem with my dispensation of the Glory earned, I will take an equal amount out of their asses.


    I stepped back to the throne room, scooped up my Imperator, plopped my ass in the throne, and set her on my lap not entirely unlike she''d been perched on the throne.


    "Are you okay, love?"


    I grumped and leaned my elbow on the arm of the throne, my face propped up by my fist. "I''m sick and tired of having to beat the living shit out of assholes who think they ought to be in charge because they can beat the living shit out of everyone else. I. Don''t. Want. Shit. Pyramid." I took a deep breath, let it out, and said. "Can I just sit here and play Booster Seat for you for the rest of the day?"


    She leaned back, her shoulder blades pressing into my breasts. "I may wiggle a bit if I get uncomfortable."


    "I may pretend you need a seat belt and use my arms to buckle you in."


    "What will your subjects think?"


    "Whatever the fuck you tell them to," I growled.


    "Good Girl."


    I hated whining, but a whine crept out. I pitched my voice too low to carry beyond her ears. "I want to believe that. I do. I really, really do. But all I''ve been doing all day is beating the shit out of people who are ostensibly my... fuck, they''re not even my allies. They''re my subjects. The people I''m supposed to protect and nurture. I''m a fucking shit queen. A Shit Queen of Shit Pyramid."


    Saffron reached back, took my hands, and pulled them in front of her waist. Then she drove her fingernails into the backs of my knuckles; not enough to break skin, I don''t think, but definitely enough to draw my fuckin'' attention away from moping. "As Queen, it is also your duty to administer justice. The men in question disobeyed direct orders in time of war. You could have had them executed."


    "Some of them would rather be executed, I think."


    She shrugged. "I don''t know if the Blood Eagle is real or myth, but you could have imposed it."


    "Fuck. Fucking Hell." My voice got a little louder, a lot rougher.


    "What''s wrong?"


    "I don''t want to want to see that, and definitely not for the reason I want to see it."


    "So don''t do it."


    I shook my head. "Just say no, huh?"


    She purred at me, and if she wriggled, she did so in a fashion that made it look like she was just settling in comfortably. "I''m sure if we really work at it, we can find things to distract you."


    Right about then she reminded me that she had, indeed, pulled one of me into the Love Shack for potential Nefarious Goings On. I spent the rest of the day playing booster seat in Norfolk and letting her erase any thoughts of mayhem from my brain back at the Academy.


    Overnight chibi Chefs drowned Mimic in shrimp and self-sacrifice until I couldn''t even feel the fuckin'' Trolls'' need for me to be a monster.


    After spending most of the morning on a review of the logistics of a war between Troy and Sparta, duBois looked at me. "So, Diaz. Do you have an Order of Battle for us?"


    I nodded. "An incomplete one, because those fuck..." I stopped, took a deep breath. "Sorry, guys. The Order of Battle includes some estimates, because our new troops from Norfolk are undisciplined, but there are two thousand Trolls advancing toward Calverton through the Bay now; I figure they and a few Jotnar volunteers will make sure the Undead don''t have anything waiting for us underwater. There are," I closed my eyes and focused through where I sat on the throne nominally overseeing the Thing, even though Weyson had been basically running it since breakfast. "two hundred Jarls or fighters of a similar competency; not up to par with our Heroes, but probably equal to what I fought from New Amsterdam and Calverton. We have approximately three thousand additional Warrior type Karls ready to ship out when the last ships arrive, probably with a few dozen more in tow. There are also roughly five thousand Thralls, although they''re closer in combat effectiveness to poorly equipped New Amsterdam Levies."


    "Most of what makes New Amsterdam Levies dangerous is their armament and armor." Fuckin'' Smith.


    I nodded and sighed. "Yeah. Their Morale is top drawer, though. They''re ready to liberate Calverton or die trying, no in between."


    "Anything else?" asked duBois


    "I didn''t get a count of ships yet; from what Swanson suggested, he''s bringing a big chunk. Probably another five hundred Thralls, unless I miss my guess. Other than that, nothing."


    DuBois looked at the rest of the class. "Okay, ladies and gentlemen. We''ve got numbers to work with. Leave some wiggle room, because apparently even with Cadet Diaz motivating them, the Norfolk leadership still has problems with advanced mathematical concepts like counting. Get to work."


    I wish I could say I helped out, but honestly I still had way too much pissed off flowing through me whenever I thought about the situation. I wasn''t even sure why, just that even after all the freaky violent shit I pulled conquering Norfolk, I had a deep and abiding need to get to Calverton and start wrecking shit as hard and as fast as I could.


    Not unlike what Saffron had me doing in the Love Shack all day, really. As class broke for dinner, I pulled an exhausted Marie over me like a blanket, snugged sweat soaked Saffron close to use her lap like a pillow, and sighed in, if not contentment, momentary bliss. "Thanks, you two. I''m sorry, I''m just in a mood, and I can''t think of another even vaguely healthy way to let it out."


    My whole body got kinda warm and pink when Saffron patted me on the head and said, "Good girl."

 Day Three Hundred And Thirty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    Some days, when you least expect it, when you''re not looking for it, everything goes exactly right.


    So by the end of class yesterday we had a complete Order of Battle, or at least as close as we''d be able to get given the communications technology available, not to mention the general fucked up organization in Norfolk.


    Five Hundred Phileo Heroes, although only four hundred fifty would be heading to Calverton. The remaining fifty would be set to patrolling our five other cities, each with five Senior Cadets to back them up.


    Sixteen thousand, seven hundred Phileo Volunteers currently on the roster, but thirteen thousand five hundred would be staying in Alliance territory attached to the home guard Heroes and Senior Cadets. That gave them each three units of fifteen. While even forty five Volunteers wouldn''t add much fighting power to a full fledged Phileo Hero, we didn''t expect any real ''fighting''. Mostly police work and pest control, and a trained unit of Phileo Volunteers could shut down a bar brawl or defend themselves against a bear or pack of wolves better than civilians at least. That meant we''d have thirty two hundred Phileo Volunteers with us. That included all of the Dragonslayers. We also were bringing all of the available Crossbows and bolts. That meant half of our Volunteers had Crossbows, which meant we had some extra if we kept them rotating one on, two off the way we intended.


    The simple reason we hadn''t built any more Crossbows; the Academy''s Smiths, who''d been the ones building most of the Crossbows, had transitioned entirely over to re-forging the Cold Iron armor, shields, and weapons formerly belonging to the Calverton Heroes into simple Cold Iron chain Shirts. Originally we''d only intended to reforge the shit the Rogues had worn and carried, but General Hargreaves put his foot down and straight up confiscated every goddamn piece of Cold Iron Calverton had brought along. I''m technically not privy to the information, but most of the Cold Iron in Phileo went to the same cause as well; simple chain shirts not only for most of Calverton''s Heroes, but also for each of their Soldiers.


    Twenty five hundred of them; all that remained of Calverton''s army. Apparently their army had always been smaller than Phileo''s, what with Calverton barely being the size of Camden Yards, but they''d still had ten thousand before the Plague hit them. I''m not sure if soldiers survived better, or if a lot of the non-military survivors signed up, but either way, none of those twenty five hundred would likely back down or take a break, so having them able to deal with the Undead Miasma was super important. With fuckin'' Arse High Priest Garland turning the coats of so many of their former Heroes, not to mention killing a bunch more by being a goddamn Typhoid Mary, Calverton wound up having only about a hundred Heroes left. Eighty five basic Fighter types, fifteen Magi, who would be worth their weight in gold once Smite went Global and they could chain cast that shit until they ran out of Mana. Only five Heroic Clergy survived out of all of Calverton.


    Fuckin'' Garland.


    New Amsterdam wasn''t in much better shape, especially Hero wise. Only a hundred of them survived me in any condition to ever do Hero work again. Forty five Fighter types. Twenty five Clergy following a mix of Deities; all but one High Priestess of Athena and a couple Priests of Thor and Tyr followed Dan Gods. Twenty Magi, all of whom had been Soul burned by my final action at the Battle of the Walls, which meant they wouldn''t have nearly the endurance the other Magi would. Ten ''Fighter-Magi'', New Amsterdam''s attempt to answer Phileo''s Heroes. In terms of troops, they weren''t much better off. They had three thousand Levies willing to let themselves be forced into uniform. The New Amsterdam Heroes and Troops were all headed to Calverton through some kind of political maneuvering to let them ''win Glory liberating Calverton'' while folks from Phileo stayed home to keep the peace.


    I wasn''t sure how to feel about that. I figured if anybody deserved to call it a day, it was folks I''d happened to. Y''know, in a near fatal bad way, not in a sweaty happy way. Which might be near fatal for somebody not rocking Divine Attributes at this point, I dunno. I guess I might find out after all this shit settled down. I had a date pending with Siobhan, after all.


    Finally, Norfolk. Two hundred Jarls or Jarl equivalents. Guys I would put money on surviving a fistfight with a Phileo Hero; some of them might even win, depending on relative inebriation. According to Olga, who''d dropped me the info when I asked her near the end of the day, every Jotnar capable of wielding a weapon, which meant about half of the Jotnar living in Norfolk, followed the two thousand Trolls I''d sent to make sure the Undead didn''t have some kind of shit waiting for us in the water outside the docks. Numbers wise, that was like two hundred Jotnar who ranged in height from a few big hundred foot plus tall fuckers like Olaf to the bulk of them who were somewhere in the thirty to forty foot tall range. Even the ''short'' ones, who were Loki sized, would be able to wade through most of the Bay if they had to. More likely they''d just go up the west coast of the Bay, maybe ranging out into the water when the Trolls needed them for backup. Also, not to put to fine a point on it, convincing the folks in Rich Man''s Port to keep their asses up the James for the duration.


    Three thousand Norfolk Warrior Karls and five thousand Thralls rounded out our order of battle. I didn''t expect either group to be super effective at killing Undead, but if all they did was keep the Zombies at bay to give our Heroes a safe-ish place to sleep and eat, I say the Thralls would be earning their new homes several times over. The Warriors... I realized I hadn''t been kidding when I called them cannon fodder. Most of them still had the ''plan'' of grabbing enough loot to maybe found their own Jarldom on the outskirts of Norfolk. Not exactly the most altruistic of reasons. Not even particularly generous or noble, and even if they did manage it, they sure as fuck wouldn''t be getting the whole ''rape and murder'' privilege of pre me Jarls.


    So all told we had eleven hundred Hero types, sixteen thousand troops of varying quality, and two thousand Trolls, who slotted into the role of ''Marines'' pretty well, what with their amphibious assault capability. All up against somewhere over ninety thousand Undead who had home field advantage.


    After another night of chibi chef shrimp fest, I went to class ready to maybe balance that Home Field Advantage a little bit.


    After a breakfast of her corncake, my corncake slathered in so much syrup it counted more as sweet corn soup, and even bits of corn cake Menace flipped at her Mom, we trooped up to the Advanced Mana Shaping classroom. While I wandered back to my normal spot in the back of the room, Saffron went up and spoke quietly with Doc Roberts. I swear if his face lit up any more, he''d have rivaled the fuckin'' Ley Lines outside. After that she walked quietly back to join me. "Are you ready, love?"


    I smiled easily at her, taking her hand and giving it a squeeze. "How much Mana will you need?"


    She sighed. "Quite a bit more than last time, I''m afraid."


    That surprised me. "Uh, I get that Smite is based on Revive, and Revive is stupid Mana intense, but didn''t you guys pare it back to bare bones?"


    She nodded. "We did, and for just that reason, to make it less expensive. On the other hand, the version I''m establishing Globally is going to include a portion that pulls power from the Global Spell Network in order to minimize the Mana needs of the Caster. Of course, that part will work least well in an established Undead Miasma, but there''s no reason to leave some poor hedge Priest out in the middle of nowhere in the lurch when he''s trying to stop a Miasma from forming in the first place. Finally, last time I replaced an existing Global Spell. The Shape I used unmade the previous versions, harvested their Mana, and used it to establish the new Assess Health. This time there''s no older version of the Spell to do that with."


    This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.


    I thought about that for a second. "I think I know what to do."


    Of course you do, My Goddess.


    When do you want to start?


    "Doctor Roberts has asked that we wait until the class has all arrived to observe."


    "Observe what?"


    I took a deep, centering breath, then turned with a big old fake smile. "Good Morning, Cadet Smith! Ready to learn today?"


    She shrugged. "I''d hoped perhaps to get Archmage Aetos'' opinions on mobile Mana Wards."


    "Aetos-Diaz," my Kitten hissed. "I will be willing to entertain questions when my own work is done today."


    Smith blinked. "Your own work? But... what remains for you to do? You''ve... you''ve not only created a vastly improved version of Assess Health, you''ve established it as a Global Spell." She paused, then shook her head. "I suppose you could be demonstrating Smite, but..." Then she stopped her mouth open. "Really?"


    Kitten just smiled. Before Karen could say anything else, I held up one finger. "You get one more question before Saffron needs to start prepping. Save the rest for after."


    To her credit, she stood there, mouth working, obviously discarding questions while the rest of the class trickled into the room. Finally she settled on, "will active Divinations have a negative impact on your Shaping?"


    Saffron nodded. "I''m sorry to say they might. If you''d like to establish a passive Divination, please do so now, but only if you can maintain it throughout the process."


    "How long will that be?"


    "I suspect no more than an hour. Likely substantially shorter; it depends entirely on how fast Tabitha can provide me Mana and how quickly I can manipulate it." She then turned to the rest of the class. "That goes for the rest of you. Passive Divinations only, establish them now, and maintain them until I have completed my Shaping." With that she made a Shape I recognized as similar to the illusion she''d put up on the feast table at Bonnie and Larry''s wedding, and a black, glowing, six and zero appeared in midair in front of her.


    "What''s happening?" muttered one of the slower kids, which in Advanced Mana Shaping didn''t equate to ''actually slow'', just ''not paying attention''.


    "Archmage Aetos-Diaz is about to establish her second Global Spell. Smite. One we''ve worked on in Advanced Healing Studies," snapped Smith.


    The clueless wonder asked, "Smite? How is something called ''Smite'' a Healing Spell?"


    "It corrects the twisting of Soul that makes Undead what they are. Now cast your Divination if you''re going to, or just sit down, shut up, and observe."


    Weird how much less Smith''s bitch-mode annoyed me when it wound up arrayed in defense of my Kitten''s efforts. The timer ticked down to fifteen, and I said, "Okay, Kitten, I''m gonna start getting ready." I Co-Located to M-Space. My wireframe view of the room included writhing tentacles outside the windows for a moment until the windows themselves collapsed inward.


    Doc Roberts flinched, "Archmage! The room''s shielding has collapsed! We..."


    "Do shut up, Doctor." Fuzzy darkness flickered through the room with Saffron''s words, and if the whites of Doc''s eyes got bigger, he shut his mouth and froze.


    In M-Space, warm, fuzzy, writhing tentacles surrounded me, supported me, empowered me.


    I dropped the Blend on my M-Space me and pulled Mana direct from Mimic. It flowed into that me, through the me standing with one Stabilizing hand on Saffron''s shoulder, and into the Shape she wove in front of her.


    I recognized part of the core of it from the endless class discussions on Sundays. The part of me that could play guitar conferred with some other, deeper part of me, and judged that Shape absolutely would wreck the shit out of any Undead it hit. Short range, basically no further than an Undead''s personal Mana Absorbing Aura. Which meant it would be able to tag stronger Undead from further out. Power intensive, especially against those more powerful Undead, but then they''d drain the Mana out of somebody anyhow, at least this way it would wind up hurting them instead of feeding them.


    Layer after layer of Mana wrapped around it. I kind of thought I recognized some parts of it. Something that looked like Divination, something else similar to Artificing, only on fuckin'' air, of all things. This time it absolutely glowed hard enough that even I could see it, and most of the class had their eyes shielded by this point. I''d kept pulling Mana from Mimic; faster than Saffron could use it, really, and it built up in me. My scars glowed, my hair floated in an unfelt breeze, single strands glowing off white as they crossed in front of my eyes.


    "That''s enough, love. The rest will just boost things."


    "How much do you want to boost it?"


    She laughed; the crystalline sound might have sounded brittle, maybe, but the fuzz in her voice kept it closer to sounding sharp enough to cut. "What you''ve gathered is enough."


    I grinned her contagious good mood back at her. "Okay then. You need to be super precise about this?"


    She grinned back. "If any of you still have your eyes open, shield them or suffer the consequences." Then she pressed her fingers into one portion of the Shape, turned back to me, and said, "give me everything you''ve got, love."


    I laughed as I dumped Mana into her. It might have taken me a minute to stop pulling Mana from Mimic; she wanted to do this, it seemed. Saffron''s head tipped back, an expression of pure ecstasy on her face. Her eyes rolled back, her mouth dropped open, and a long, drawn out breath escaped her as a torrent of Mana flowed through her into the Shape. About halfway through something in it snapped, not like something breaking, but like something had hit a point of no return. Like last time, a wave of Mana flowed out of the room in a circle, but instead of a maybe visible half meter-thick torus advancing with a crackling crunch, this was a three meter omnidirectional steamroller that crackled though the sky with the speed and power of a bolt of lightning.


    Saffron''s head lolled over to face me again. "Cadet Smith?"


    It took Smith three tries to get noise to come out her mouth hole. "Yes, Archmage Aetos-Diaz?"


    "Your questions will have to wait."


    "May I know why?" I might have smacked her down, but I just felt too damn good.


    Apparently Saffron did too. She just smiled and said, "Mana is the energy of life. Of living things. Undeath is a corruption of the Soul, one that warps a Soul from a structure which creates Mana into one that consumes it. Our Smite Spell, our Shape, grabs onto a Soul and... refines it. Repairs it, of course. Corrects and removes the corruption which makes a person Undead. Applied to a living, non-Undead Soul? It is... cleansing. Pleasant. Focusing."


    "Would... would it harm someone? Heal them? Enhance them?"


    Saffron shrugged. "That''s more questions." She giggled. "But to clarify, it is refreshing, and might help correct secondary issues created by Mana Depletion or trying to gather or hold too much Mana. But mostly it is simply soothing. Pleasant. Not unlike holding reasonable amounts of Mana can be." She took a deep breath, giggled again. "I''ve just Shaped more Mana than anyone but High Priestess Diaz when she Cured New Amsterdam all at one go. I am, for the moment, until the feeling passes, at peace with myself and the world." Smith opened her mouth, but shut it with a snap when Saffron raised a single, stilling hand. "I choose to spend this time in worship. I will return when it passes."


    "Meanwhile I''ve got stuff to do in Norfolk. I''m gonna get her home, she''ll be back later. Okay, Karen?"


    Doc Roberts took that moment to cut in. "I''m sure we''ve all plenty of observations to discuss until Archmage Aetos-Diaz returns. Go on."


    With him waving us out of the room, I grabbed Saffron and the Marie with us, stepped back to our suite, and collapsed into myself. I wound up a little fuzzy, but before I could correct that, Saffron grabbed my hands. "Please. Goddess. Indulge me? Stay. As you are?"


    Marie, who''d stepped behind Saffron with her hands wrapped around my Kitten from waist to armpits, making it look suspiciously like she might collapse if she didn''t have Marie supporting her, simply said, "Stay."


    So. I did.


    We didn''t go back to class after lunch. We didn''t even really go to lunch. I''d sort of caught the edges of what she meant, about the whole cleansing feeling of working that much Mana into a world-spanning Smite Shape, but I didn''t get it. Not the way Saffron did. Not until she showed me.


    Oh, there was definitely more than a little ''worship'' done through the day, but mostly? It was just the kind of touching you do with someone that makes you feel like everything is right with the world. That moment right after, when you''re still soaring on a cloud of endorphins, before you can even wonder if the muscle twitches, the smell, the cooling sweat, or the need to piss will pull you out of it first. Only without any of those things happening. Not all morning, not all afternoon. By nightfall, if you told me I could step off the Academy roof and walk on air? I wouldn''t have just believed it, I''d have thought someone a moron for thinking otherwise.


    Menace rolled in right about then atop Marie''s cart. She insta-fuzzed and started purring right along with the rest of us the moment she did, because I realized at that moment we had been for a while, and weren''t about to stop any time soon. We curled up in a big fuzzy pile in the middle of a coding-Saffron free office, and at some point I wasn''t fuzzy me in a pile, I was the center of the world, drowning in an avalanche of Saffron as Marie and Isnomi danced around my perimeter leaping and prancing, looking like Snoopy and Woodstock doing the dance of pure, unadulterated joy.


    Some day maybe I''ll be able to describe it properly. Maybe. To put that feeling of utter bliss into words so well that people feel it when I tell them. I''d like to be that kind of Goddess.


    Even just once.

 Day Three Hundred And Thirty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    I am an idiot, and this time I have no one to blame but myself.


    Seriously, I deal so much with Saffron, who by now probably knows more about my world of origin than I consciously do, Marie, who takes everything in stride, and Loki, who can just scry on my old world when I stop making sense, that I don''t really think about that dividing line. Definitely don''t think about it as much as I should.


    Perhaps it helps keep you yourself, Tabitha Diaz.


    Yeah, maybe.


    So we all woke up in a fuzzy pile this morning. I''m really glad none of us seem to shed, because if we did, after at least sixteen straight hours of being piled in with three of us at maximum fuzziness, Saffron would have been just as fuzzy as us. If you''re wondering, I''m definitely feeling that word at the moment. Fuzzy. Fuzzy skin. Fuzzy me, fuzzy Marie, fuzzy Menace. Fuzzy feels about my dream last night, because for once I hadn''t even felt the edges of the Trolls trying to shove Shit Pyramid up my ass. Last night had been a pure, joyous celebration of life and everything in it. Ecstasy given flesh and blood and bone and muscle and sinew, uncaring as to how it destroyed itself as we reveled beyond the limits of anything wearing flesh.


    Yeah, even when everything is joyous and right with the world, I''m still fuckin'' Mimic. Who apparently thinks she''s the center of the universe. I know I''ve read that somewhere, but I can''t remember where. Weird thing, because I''m sure I read that fuckin'' mythology brick cover to cover at least twice. Something like ''center of the universe'' ought to fuckin'' stand out, y''know?


    Still, even if shit looked a little more nightmarish in the morning light flowing in through the curtains, the time since Saffron''s implementation of Smite as a Global Spell had been absolutely wondrous. I couldn''t help smiling at Menace when she poked at me and tried to shrink down and nurse. "No, Menace. You are way too big for that."


    "Nad big! Smol!"


    I laughed. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, you''re as small as you wanna be, I get it, but there''s a problem." I giggled a little at her mulish look and said, "No milk. Lactose free. Not getting nothing out my titties. Sorry not sorry. It was fun while it lasted, but to every thing there is a season, and Isnomi Nursing Season is over."


    "Mama be Ma!"


    I snorted. "Nice try, Menace, but it''s been a couple months since you nommed on Mom. Nothing there now either, the bodacious nature of Mom''s boobs is just for show and attracting her mate." I gave Isnomi a hopefully quelling grin and said, "trust me, I''ve tried."


    She just pouted a bit while expanding closer to her normal size, then got a sly look. "Made!"


    "Uh..."


    "Wanna bruddah. Or Sistah. Made it!"


    I snorted, then scooped Saffron up and snuggled her under my arm. "You hear that, Kitten? We''ve got marching orders, we''re supposed to make Isnomi a playmate."


    Saffron, who''d just finished her whole taste test the world boot up sequence, said, "plans are already in place, but not now, and definitely not for her nefarious ulterior motives."


    "Ulterior..." A second later enlightenment hit, and I prepared to tickle Menace into submission. "You little schnook! We are not having a baby just to inflate Mom''s tits just so you can drink breakfast!"


    I launched my tickle attack much to Isnomi''s screeching glee, only to have Saffron freeze me in place with a quiet, "who says I''ll be the one lactating, love?"


    I turned to look at her as Menace expressed her displeasure with the end of tickles by glomping her mouth on my hand and idly pressing her teeth into it. Said a lot about my state of mind that I completely ignored the lack of a ''horseshoe shape'' to her dentition, except in the most general of senses. "I... wow. I hadn''t thought... wow."


    "You''re a woman, love. You can''t tell me you never thought about becoming a mother?" I lifted my arm and waved Menace at her. She laughed, probably because she wasn''t feeling the gentle yet unmistakable interior of the unholy mating of Shai-Hulud and a garbage disposal. "I mean getting pregnant. What were your thoughts on that, before?"


    I shrugged. "Mostly? Don''t. Like, yeah, I figured it would happen eventually at some point, if only because there would be a Venn Diagram intersection of me being a freak, some dude wanting a wiling hole, and a broken condom. But," I shrugged. "I never really thought about it all that much. I sure as shit didn''t daydream about it like some girls do. Maybe I had too many little cousins. Shit machines, all of them."


    Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.


    She snuggled into me, not trying to titillate, but doing so anyway just by her being her and me being me. "So you''re telling me if I could, you wouldn''t want me to?" She sighed a little. "I suppose Marie could fill in. It is another traditional role of the Concubine." I almost lost my shit at the sudden wide-eyed look of terror on Marie, who a moment previously had been lying with her eyes closed, wrapped around the three of us.


    "Hey now. I mean, yeah, part of me kinda gets the weirdest of lady boners at the idea of pumping Murder Mittens so full of baby batter she spawns a whole dev team, but I didn''t say ''no''. Just... wow." I now had one of Murder Mittens'' murder mittens sinking claws into my thigh, but if she wasn''t running with the look of pure unadulterated panic on her face, I figured she wouldn''t be running soon, which made me think really detailed thoughts of her in a wedding dress. I assumed she picked up on those, as her claws got a little closer to breaking skin every time I added another layer of ruffles to the blindingly white dress on our blindingly white Marie. Then I added me and Saffron to the picture, standing to either side of her in Raven-drawing tuxedos, and suddenly I needed a bath before leaving for the day. Or, y''know, at least needed my leg cleaned up, because she definitely broke skin that time.


    If Saffron observed any of that, she didn''t give any sign beyond a serene smile. "Wow?"


    "Yeah. Wow. Mostly because I kinda... I''m not terrified or nauseated at the idea." She just raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, I know, ringing endorsement, but that''s the thing. Before this? Before here and now and..." I stuttered to a stop, then smiled at the two of them. "Before you two? I absolutely wound up terrified to the point of puking at the thought that I might be pregnant. I mean, I literally puked at one point, back then."


    Saffron put her arms around me, comforting. "Did you think you were? Perhaps you might have been?"


    I shook my head and laughed. "No. No, I was just stupid." Before she could act on her sudden irritation with me saying that, I followed up with, "trust me. In this case, stupid. I''d had sex ed, or at least enough that I should absolutely have known there is zero chance of getting pregnant if you swallow."


    That got everybody except Menace laughing, even Marie, although hers might have been a little more brittle than mine and Saffron''s. The Menace wasn''t laughing because she''d apparently decided to clean up my thigh. Which the speaking brain part of me wanted to squick at, but the deeper part where real squick happened liked it too much, thought it was too right for me to feel anything but something vaguely like what I''d felt while breast feeding her. Again, should have been squick, again, wasn''t, and I have no idea why. Of course, at that point Saffron decided to hop behind the wheel of the messing with Murder Mittens mobile and shot us both an image of a very pregnant Marie with very ready to nurse mammary glands making her silhouette just a lot more distracting. "So, Marie, is it possible for a Maenad to become pregnant?"


    Apparently, the view of herself as mom-imminent didn''t freak her out as much as that of being spoused at any moment. "Maybe."


    "Would you like to be?"


    Her voice said, "Maybe." but her purr said probably.


    "Would you like to bear our child? Our children?" Of all things, Marie purred and looked sheepish. Saffron tilted her head, then smiled softly and said, "you want to bear Tabitha''s daughter. Daughters?"


    Marie hung her head. "Sorry."


    Somehow without ever leaving her spot tucked under my arm, Saffron pulled Marie to us, her hands framing Marie''s sheepish, blushing face. "No. No, Marie. Never be sorry for that. We love you. I love you. With everything I am." Then she kissed her until we all melted back into a purring pile. Except Menace, who''d cleaned my bloody thigh off then climbed up onto her toddler bed, curled up, and fallen asleep. No idea how, but my five new puncture wounds had stopped bleeding and looked to have scabbed over already.


    I sighed. "Its time to get up, isn''t it?"


    "I told them I''d be back when I''m ready. I''m not ready."


    That made me smile despite my now suppressed need to get active. "I do have to check in with Swanson and get the Norfolk ships ready to move as soon as the rest of our Alliance fleet gets there."


    "We had to shift many of our troops to bring them to Phileo to deploy by sea, including all of Calverton''s troops. We''re also juggling getting their Cold Iron armor into the same place as them, not to mention making sure we bring just enough food to keep the troops fed without any of it going bad."


    "Yeah...?"


    She shook her head. "They won''t be arriving in Norfolk until Saturnday."


    I rolled my eyes. "I''ve still got to let them know that, then."


    She wrapped herself around my head, and beyond her I felt Marie adding another layer to the ''keep Tabitha pinned by surrounding her head with girl-flesh'' anchor. "Marie has delivered a missive to Olga letting her know the new schedule, as well as our full deployment plan."


    I flopped back, wanting to do something productive, but at a loss to think of anything useful for me to add. "Not that I ought to mind, but what the fuck am I supposed to do at this point?"


    "You, my love, must find your happiest of places."


    I reached up and found warm soft places for my hands. One fuzzy, one mostly not. "Not that I''m complaining, but why?"


    Her tone soothed me even as her words ratcheted up my tension a bit. "When we assault Calverton, we will need you."


    "Well, yeah, duh."


    Her tone still soothed, and her hands stroking my hair doubled down on that. "You will not be able to fight anything with your hands or Mana Blades, lest you feed the Undead until we have no hope of stopping them."


    I buried my face in her cleavage as I thought about how much I wanted to rage, to rip and tear and destroy the Undead root and branch. How likely I would be to lose myself to rage. Oh. Oh, shit. Oh, fuck.


    "We need your power, love. We cannot hope to win without your strength. But we cannot risk your rage." Her tone shifted, from soothing to so full of amusement and wicked creativity I knew the Grin had manifested. "And so, as a terribly fitting mirror to what we did to build that rage to the point your fury burned through Cold Iron?"


    I didn''t get to see the Grin I loved so much, because she never let my lips break contact with her skin as she dragged my face up through her cleavage, her neck, my eyes closed until her lips met mine.


    Oh, fuck, indeed.

 Day Three Hundred And Thirty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    Sometimes I don''t think about being afraid enough; not like, I''m not afraid enough, because that''s pretty obviously the case, what with ''fear'' being ''the brain''s way of saying don''t do that, dumbass'', and that dash light being burned out on your girl Tabitha.


    Back in Camden, I didn''t really think about fear much. I''m guessing fish don''t think about water, birds don''t think about air, and polar bears don''t think about ice, either. Okay, Polar bears didn''t think about ice until we took it away, but before that they didn''t. Honestly, that''s how a lot of kids I knew spent their time; thinking about what it would be like to not be afraid, even as they denied being afraid. Like, ''what would it be like if I were rich and famous'' hits different when the first things you think about are ''nobody would bully me'', ''cops wouldn''t beat me up for funsies'', and ''I wouldn''t have to worry about whether I''d have food tomorrow''. Yeah, I got lucky with that last one, but still, there were nights I wondered if some rando would wind up putting a bullet through my wall into my skull because their aim was shit.


    Damn, just realized that the only reason I''m here is some rando whose aim wasn''t shit.


    So, like, Incarnations of Terror. Domnu. Conrad. Menace. Me. On the one hand, I remember my first introduction to Conrad, and totally get that. Even now, even when he''s trying to act like a normal healthy adult human being, right in the middle of his ''dutiful son'' act, he grabs at my hindbrain and shakes. I guess to some degree I don''t mention it much any more, not because I think he''s any less of a sociopathic killer, but because I''ve figured out a working model for his motivations. He kills people who offend him. Okay, he doesn''t always kill them. His specialty, in fact, seems to be ''things worse than death''. Turning a couple kids into furniture. I think he killed people to make those ''light shows'' happen the week before we met for the second time. Despite some part of my brain auto-deleting the conclusion whenever I come to it, some other part keeps telling me I know exactly whose hand he''s using, because he got so smug about it when he talked about replacing his own. Not even smug about whose it was, but about how appropriate...


    I Co-Located out of bed, gently petting Saffron to calm her back to sleep as I shifted. I blinked on The Dress without any accoutrements, stepped through our armoire into Conrad''s Workshop and called out, "Son?"


    He lay a hand on my shoulder, and I congratulated myself for just sighing and laying my own atop it, leaning my cheek against it for just a moment the way my mom used to do with me. "Yes, mother?"


    I turned to face him, taking his hand in mine, nodding to his other, darker, hairier hand. "You sewed Tyr''s mouth shut so he wouldn''t harp at you?"


    His just too wide smile answered the question, but he spoke anyway. "I also didn''t want him attempting to bite himself, or me. or anything I might be working on. Silencing his endless tirade about my allegiance to you was, frankly, a pleasant side effect."


    I nodded. "Can you reverse what you did to him?"


    Conrad rolled his eyes in a masterful impersonation of someone who might have once, in another lifetime, given a fuck. "I did unto him before you adopted me. Before you even proposed your condition."


    I smiled, reached up, and lay a hand on his cheek. Maybe a mockery of what a real parent might do, but fuck if I was gonna let him out act me. "That''s not the question I asked, is it, Son?"


    His naughty little boy caught out wasn''t a patch on Loki''s, but that''s like saying a good Hibachi steakhouse wasn''t a patch on Morimoto''s when the man himself decided to chef it up for a night. "It was not. He might not be returned quite as he once was, but he could be... humanoid. Self mobile. Arguably as functional as he was before."


    This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.


    "Did you have a plan on when you were going to do that?"


    He frowned. "Why would I plan for such a thing?"


    I took a deep breath, and put on the same face I did when talking to Menace about shit that made me want to shrivel up and hide. "Because eternal imprisonment is Anathema to me. To Mimic even more so, really."


    He nodded, the most real expression I''d seen yet settling on his face before slowly subliming away. "I see. I understand. Well then. I suppose, since his offense was primarily social in nature, I would be more than willing to restore him should I receive a sincere and appropriate apology." He frowned at his hand. "I should almost hope I don''t get one, since he has performed his tasks so well."


    I nodded. "So long as there''s a path to redemption, a way out of the box, I suppose I can''t complain about it too much." I waggled a finger his way, careful to never actually point it at him. "Just be sure you don''t keep him there after you''ve gotten your apology."


    He held his hand over his heart. "Mother! I would never!"


    I lay a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I didn''t really think you would. But we all have our temptations, and it is a nice hand."


    "It is, isn''t it?"


    Right about then my brain yeeted another random quote into my forebrain. Specifically, Loki screaming ''guts for garters'' at Odin. "Son?"


    "Yes, Mother?"


    "What happened to Thor?"


    Conrad''s smile reminded me that new name or not, he remained The Smith in every terrifying way possible. "A masterpiece indeed!"


    I sighed. "What did he do?"


    The Smith shrugged, then smiled. "He tracked Tyr to my Workshop, then broke in uninvited, without even announcing himself or requesting entry, then accused me of murdering his brother."


    "You realize some people would say what you did to him is worse than murder."


    "He tried to lay hands on me!" I looked to my hand where it still lay on his shoulder, and he smiled. The Smith''s creepy, sociopathic smile. "Oh, Mother. Your hand has ever sought to comfort, not coerce or even correct."


    "But do you want me to move it?"


    He shrugged. "Do as you will."


    I laughed. "Well, it''s weird now. You had to go and make it weird." I squeezed his shoulder once, then dropped my hand. "So. Thor?"


    "I assure you, Mother, not only is his condition fully reversible, but he is as enduring as I know how to make him."


    I opened my mouth, closed it, opened it again, then thought for a bit. "Uh. Where is he?"


    He tapped at his teeth. "Well, I suppose since it''s night, some of him is in the armoire along with the rest of my dearest Sister''s attire."


    My brain immediately went to her uniforms, but then I remembered; Marie made those. "Wait... her sash?"


    He nodded. "And the tiara! It seems the God of Thunder''s armor is part of his Divine form. Almost like skin! I shouldn''t allow one hair upon my darling Sister''s head come to harm, should it be in my power to do so."


    "Oh. Well." I think I managed to keep the screaming terror out of my voice. The smug satisfaction welling from deep within probably helped. "Wait. Some of him?" The Smith nodded. "Where''s the rest?"


    He grinned at me for a solid minute, then said, "you did ask me to make her boots."


    I blanched. "Guts for garters?"


    "Indeed."


    I suddenly needed desperately to get the entire fuck out of the Workshop. "Well. So. Yeah. Same parole requirements as Tyr?"


    He sighed. "I suppose so. I take it you''re off to bed then?"


    "Yeah." I held my arms out, and he stepped in for a quick hug. Entirely performative, but performed well. "Good night, Son."


    "Good night, Mother. Sleep well."


    "You too." I realized as I slid the door shut that of all of us, he probably slept least. At all, really. I made my way back to bed, lay a hand on the Marie at the end of the bed, and Co-Located the pair of us to the Love Shack. "Hey, sweetie? I don''t want to impose, but..."


    She shut me directly the fuck up through the simple expedient of pouncing on me, her tongue filling my mouth to capacity and beyond. Without my mouth, I couldn''t explain, couldn''t talk about how much I wanted my son to make a pair of stockings and garters for The Dress. How some part of me wanted more than one pair, one black, one pale with black highlights, one purest white. Absolutely could not give voice to the sudden thought that he already had the leather for the black set, how an Avatar of my Murder Mittens would almost certainly do for the white ones.


    I really tried to avoid thinking about how my biggest reason for not marching back to the Workshop was realizing that none of them matched The Dress'' red and red vibe.


    Honestly, I really just tried to avoid thinking. Marie helped with that. She helped with that a lot.


    No sleep, so no Mimic Dreams, and in the morning when Saffron woke, she''d already decided that my Physical Training today would, in fact, be further pile driving my berserker nature into the soft, yielding, very much not concrete.


    Oh, noes. Whatever shall I do?


    Oh, right. Whatever the fuck she tells me.


    See? I can learn!

 Day Three Hundred And Thirty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    Once in a while life chooses to remind me that I''m not in Camden any more.


    I get how that sounds really fucked up, like I''m not paying attention. Back then, back there, I lived in a cheap assed apartment, and my best life was likely to wind up being a minimum wage job for fifty years, maybe popping out some kids along the way and letting them grow up with a mom. Here I''m not just a hero, I''m not just a rich and powerful superhero, I''m a literal fucking Goddess. Shit, I''m a literal fucking Goddess who is fucking a Goddess of fucking on the regular, and she''s not even my preferred bedroom toy. It shouldn''t be difficult for me to remember that shit.


    Okay, I don''t really have a preferred bedroom toy. I know this sounds totally trite and like I''m making shit up, but I adore Saffron and Marie, and anyone attempting to make me choose between them would get a Mana Blade shiv directly up Main Street. I will fucking sear their asshole closed permanently, then leave them to die a bloated shit bag. I have strong opinions about my Wives... Shit. I have strong opinions about my Wife and Concubine, and apparently one of them is that the latter ought to join the former. I can''t, I won''t force her into that. It doesn''t help that she seems to want it, but be terrified of it.


    So weird that despite being a literal immortal engine of fucking destruction, she''s so shy, so tentative about some things. Then again, most of the things she''s seemed shy about aren''t really fucking or destruction. At best you could call them fuck adjacent. Like the kid thing. She wants my kid. Like, mine specifically, enough to make it clear that she''d prefer my bun in her oven over Saffron''s. Which, part of me is going ''duh, that can''t happen, we''re both girls, silly'' while the part of me that likes running around in a red Dress with only two of her three accessories is thinking ''shapeshifting shenanigans for the dev team generating win, motherfucker!'' Of course, the way too logical neurospicy part of me immediately latches on that last word, because it wouldn''t be true until after the deed was done. Not really. I mean, yes, technically I am a Mom now. Okay, I''m a Mother to at least three kids, for a broad enough definition of ''kid''. But somehow my own brain can''t label Saffron a motherfucker. Yet. Because holy fuck on a stick does the abstract concept of giving birth to a rug rat with my unholy gleeful chaos nature and her brains somehow light up green ''go'' lights I wasn''t even aware of.


    For anyone playing the home game and thinking, ''childbirth is painful, and pregnancy can be crippling'', I respond, ''have you met me?'' Seriously, by this point I''ve smashed myself to shit so often, so badly, that if I didn''t start out with some kind of fucked up fetish about it, I sure as shit ought to have one now.


    I''m actively trying to ignore the final impulse regarding Marie and pregnancy. Along with ''can''t happen, silly'', ''I shape how I like'', and ''word nerd whoregasm'', I''ve also got a not really voice somewhere deep inside telling me, ''she''ll be pregnant when I say she''s pregnant, for as long as I want her to be pregnant.''


    So fuckin'' weird having a part of me that''s part of me, but like, dark as fuck. Then again, I was into some dark shit back in Camden. Too much time in ugly parts of the Internet.


    Last night my chibi chefs surrounded me with a hurricane of shrimp and sacrifice as was right and proper. I woke surrounded by sweaty Saffron and multiple Marie, with Menace nowhere in sight.


    "Where''s Isnomi?"


    Our pillow-Marie lay a gentle, comforting hand on my shoulder and half-whispered, "Bed."


    Matching her tone, laying my own hand gently on Saffron, I replied, "Our Saffie-kins got her worship on last night, huh?"


    "Yes."


    I smiled and sighed. "Let her sleep. I have to go to Norfolk today and review my fleet." I kept my voice low, and went silent when she wriggled closer to me, nestling into my chest and murmuring. When quiet snores started up again, I said, "Don''t know whether I''ll be able to stay Co-Located and quiet, but if somebody tries to wake her? Tell them no, let them know that they can come to me with problems today, and let them know that if they wake her up, I will become a bigger problem than whatever they had before that."


    She nodded. "Yes."


    "Good." I ran one hand, feather light, across my Kitten''s hair. She didn''t stir, so I did it again. After a few minutes of slow, gently strokes a tiny rumble of a purr sounded through her snores. "Marie?"


    Her hand ran, feather light, over my head and down my back. "Yes?"


    "This isn''t a proposal. It''s sure as fuck not a demand, because I will not demand this..." It took me a bit to take myself in hand, because for a moment I absolutely did want to demand. Needed to demand, felt like it would be right to demand, command, to consume her Agency as rapaciously as I''d consumed her Worship. "It is not a demand or a command or even a request. Do you want to marry me?"


    Her hand froze. "yes"


    I kept stroking Saffron''s hair, waited until Marie''s hand moved again. "Do you want to marry Saffron?"


    Her hand paused. "yes?"


    When her hand moved again, I asked, "if I weren''t here, if it were just you and her, would you want to?"


    Her hand never stopped, but terrified wonder filled her voice when she said, "Yes? Yes."


    I lay there thinking about that for a while. I had no idea what terrified her about the idea of marriage, but really that didn''t matter. The only things that mattered were it terrified her and she wanted it anyway. I don''t know how long I lay there stroking Saffron''s hair, but my voice vibrated with a subsonic purr when I spoke again. "There''s no rush. None at all. You feel like it''s too fast, we slow, we stop, we step back if that''s what you need. There''s no rush at all. Saffron and I rushed. Oh, god did we rush."


    You did things in your own time, Daughter. The results speak for themselves.


    Thanks, Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    "No regrets. But we won''t rush. Every step of this she will plan and I will execute, and so long as you do not change your mind?"


    I waited, as patient as any predator, until my prey poked her neck into my jaws willingly. "Yes?"


    "In the fullness of time, you will be the most perfectly and completely married woman in this or any other world." The faintest threads of a purr rumbled through her thigh, and her hand trembled where it stroked my hair. "After which I will absolutely get you as pregnant as you will be married." I knew I''d got her when a tiny giggle escaped her and her purr shook the bed until grumbly Saffron forced us both to silence and stillness.


    A while later I whispered. "I''ve got to get to work now. You mind if I stay here?" Her hand stilled on my head, faint pressure signifying her desire for me to remain right in her lap. I couldn''t not go to Norfolk today, but I sure as shit could stay in her lap while I did. "Okay. I love you, Marie."


    "Same."


    I leaned forward and brushed my lips across Saffron''s hair. "Love you, Kitten."


    Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.


    My departure got delayed when both Marie and I had to spend like five minutes getting our need to laugh our asses off under control when my sweet toothed angel smiled, muttered, "cake!" and went back to snoring.


    I arrived at the longhouse to find the Court waiting for me, with the addition of Seneschal Swanson. "So, we ready to go?"


    They all looked up, and Olga gave me their collective answer by pushing herself to her feet and helping Skasn up. "After you, my Queen."


    I looked up, chuckled, and said, "nah." When they all looked a little confused, I laughed and said, "I have no idea where the docks are, guys."


    That got a laugh out of all of them. Olga let Swanson take the lead, and I followed right behind him as he set a pace that let the Jotnar stretch their legs a little. Weyson jogged along behind me, making sounds like he wanted to say something, but didn''t have the breath to spare. Meanwhile Svart yelped. "I am not an epaulette, woman!"


    I jogged backward half a pace, and very carefully did not laugh at the image of Svart standing on Olga''s shoulder, one hand clutching her earlobe. "Silence, Karl! Your Princess commands you to enjoy riding my shoulder!" She sounded so tweaked about it I couldn''t even get mad. I''d fought that tough assed bastard, if he really wanted down he''d get down.


    When we got in sight of the water, a veritable forest of masts and hulls surrounded the docks, with more out in the wide bay beyond. Swanson waved to the first ships, which had a kind of Viking aesthetic, right on down to one visible deck, no mounted weapons, and shields along the sides and a single big mast each. "We''ve two hundred Longboats; with fifteen Karls in each, that leaves room for ten to twenty Thralls per Longboat."


    "How many Thralls aboard the Longboats total?"


    "Three thousand."


    Weyson wheezed something out. "Does it have to do with the ships?" He shook his head. "Then it can wait." I turned back to Swanson. "What about the Jarls and the other two thousand Thralls?"


    "The Jarls will be aboard our Battleships and our Loot Haulers."


    I shook my head as he waved his hand at a few bigger Longboat looking ships beyond the Longboats. They pretty clearly had a deck under the exposed one, and each had two masts. "You have a class of ships called ''Loot Haulers''?"


    He grinned at me, utterly unrepentant. Hell, he probably didn''t know why he''d be pentant, let alone repentant. "How else would you haul loot?"


    "Some people have better reasons for going to war than loot."


    He nodded sagely, "no matter how the world progresses, fools always abound."


    I shook my head. "So, how many per Loot Hauler?"


    "Our initial intention was to put our Karls aboard them and let the Thralls bear the brunt, but the Imperator suggested otherwise."


    "Okay, so what''s Imperator Sexypaws'' Big Plan?"


    He paused with his mouth hanging open for a second, then shook his head and explained. "Each of our twenty five Loot Haulers will have a crew of eighty plus one Jarl each. The remaining Jarls will be dispersed between the Battleships, twenty one or twenty two each. That''s a small crew for our Battleships, but as they''re all Jarls they''ll be more than capable of keeping them afloat and moving in the right direction. I''d worry were we sailing to Europa, but for a short jaunt into the Chesapeake we''ll be fine."


    "Twenty one people to man a Battleship? Dafuq?"


    He nodded. "You''ve fought a few of our Jarls. They''re faster, stronger, tougher than any normal sailor. They may occasionally need your Volunteers to lend a hand, but eighty of your Crossbows on each Battleship will significantly improve their firepower."


    I seriously wondered if he thought each and every Crossbow packed the same kind of power Vulcan did. Shit, if we had sixteen hundred Vulcans, I''d go with ''scour Calverton to bedrock and rebuild it better'' or some shit. We''d reached the end of the docks area, and Swanson waved at some big assed sailboats. "Your Battleships, my Queen."


    I craned my neck, but couldn''t see anything resembling steel or cannon. Then again, the sailboats were pretty big, at least the size of the one Gregor showed up with; all of them had the raised decks fore and aft, with a couple siege weapons on each, a mix of ballistae and catapults. Worse, along with the half dozen lined up along the quay, another pair floated maybe a hundred feet out in the bay between us and where I''d seen ships that reminded me of the bigger ones I''d seen sailing up to the docks in Phileo.


    "Queen Tabitha! I must insist!" shouted Weyson.


    A deeply disturbing suspicion creeping through my gut, I turned to face Weyson. "What. Do. You. Want?"


    Man wasn''t a coward. He blanched a little at my flat tone, but continued. "My Lord Odin protests your release of the Backbiter!"


    I tilted my head. "Really?"


    He straightened his spine and said, "yes. Your agreement was to keep him imprisoned and see to his torture."


    "Is the one-eyed monster listening?"


    He nodded. "My lord sees with my eyes, hears with my ears."


    "Yeah. I subcontracted the torture out to somebody way better at it than me. Freaky bitch might even let the snake help, I dunno."


    "But... but the Backbiter was here! Here, in Norfolk! We all saw him!"


    My temper, fraying under the weight of my impending, denied realization, neared the breaking point. "God. Odin, you really need to call management and complain about that fuckin'' Wish.com wisdom you got granted." Faster than he could flinch, I Co-Located to either side of Weyson and grabbed him by the upper arms, then Translocated us to the far rail of one of the sailboats. Alternating between mes, I barked at him. "Look. At. Me."


    Weyson''s gaze snapped back and forth with each word. "Which of you?"


    "Do you or your Special Needs Deity get the fuckin'' point yet? About exactly how Loki has been chained up since Odin'' and the bitch squad fuckin'' chained him there?"


    Weyson stuttered out, "ah... Yes. Yes, My Lord understands, and apologizes sincerely for doubting you."


    I nodded, then remembered. "Oh. I found your sons."


    He grabbed one of me by the shoulders. "WHERE?"


    I grabbed his wrists from behind and pulled him away, maintaining eye contact from the front the whole time. "Not gonna tell you quite yet, but I will tell you that they''re both not dead, and each as safe as a Primordial can make them. That and this: when he gets an apology convincing him they''re sincerely sorry for causing him offense? The Smith will see to it they are returned to you."


    Weyson choked out. "Unharmed?"


    "Don''t. Push. It."


    "This... this... My lord says this wasn''t the original deal you made."


    I closed both sets of eyes. Weyson, not being an idiot, did nothing, what with my fists closing down on his forearms hard enough to make his bones creak. I looked out to the two biggest Norfolk ships, both floating at anchor. Gilded runes ran across the bow of each. I snorted as I read each, and turned Weyson to face them. "Odin''s Pride. Odin''s Triumph." I looked Weyson right in the eye, reached up and lowered his eyepatch over one. "You watching, One-Eye?"


    "Yes." The timbre wasn''t right to be Odin, but I sure as fuck knew that word had been faithfully repeated.


    The me not holding Weyson stepped to M-Space and scried on my old world. I wanted something. Needed something. Something small. I''d seen Mana create flesh in my own body. I floated on a sea of thick black tentacles suffused with Mana. I looked, saw what I needed, reached out, and grabbed at it. The comforting weight of a big assed can of brilliant crimson spray paint filled my hand. So much for Loki saying I couldn''t bring things across.


    You did not. You created a copy.


    Eh. Does it work the same?


    It should.


    Cool.


    I stepped back to the Mortal realm, dangling by one hand from the hull of the Odin''s Pride. I popped the top on the spray paint, shook that shit up, and drew a big sloppy red line through the name of the boat. I refused to even think of this goddamned jumped up piece of wood as a ship, let alone the other thing. One letter at a time, I tagged that bitch with her new name. When I had the new name sprayed on in letters as bright crimson as blood, I fell back to M-Space, scried, reached out and grabbed a forty of malt liquor. I stepped back to the Mortal Realm dangling from the bow. "I hereby rename you Loki''s Prize." I smashed that shit on the bow, and it might have been my imagination, but it looked like it soaked that shit up way faster than it would have wine.


    My rage still built. I had to let it out somehow, because I did not need that shit cluttering up my head when we hit Calverton.


    Fuck it.


    Kitten? Can we afford to lose the Odin''s Triumph?


    Her reply came back with the muzziness of a barely woken Kitten. Wha? Why?


    I need to get a fuckin'' point across to One-Eye, and we don''t have enough soap to wash off the reek if I have to taint punch him.


    Oh. They''re your ships. We can certainly afford to lose one to such a good cause.


    Always nice to be reminded that for sheer heat, my rage was nothing next to the one Saffron felt at the Gods of here and now. I stepped to the bridge of the Odin''s Triumph and looked at the dude holding on to the big pole connected to the rudder. "Get everyone off this boat."


    "But..."


    "Now."


    I don''t know what the fuck he saw in my eyes, but as I sucked in Mana as fast as I could, he screamed out, "abandon ship!" Then he ran for the nearest rail and dove overboard.


    I extended scintillating hair thin Mana Blades out of my knuckles. When they reached the deck I closed my eyes and worked by feel, working them into the wood, through every plank, every rope, every nail aboard. I screamed my rage at the uncaring sky as the boat beneath me was wreathed first in smoke, then flames. The moment my Mana Blades ran through the whole ship, I poured Mana into them, turning them from hairs into dowels, into rods, into a single Blade in the shape of what used to be a ship.


    I stepped away from the ash falling to the surface of the water, right up in Weyson''s face. "One-Eye? Do I have your full attention?"


    "Yes."


    Fuck it. I''m the Imperator''s Fucking Attack Dog, but at least I get the fuckin'' cool as shit lines.


    "I am altering our deal. Pray I do not alter it further."

 Day Three Hundred And Thirty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    I know how fuckin'' weeb lord this sounds, but I need to find some kind of sustainable inner balance and shit, because while I''m absolutely down for whatever kinky shit my partners wanna pull, I can''t keep using Edging and Orgies like Life Orbs and Covert Cloaks.


    Okay. I totally can keep doing that. Nobody is stopping me from doing that. Hell, Marie and Saffron and I enjoy doing that, to the point where even a Word Nerd like me can say we literally get off on doing that. But some part of me, the one that doesn''t want to suck the gooey insides out of both of them like sweet, sweet candy, thinks that using something intimate like that as a... not coping mechanism, but using it for something other than the enjoyment of shenanigans just isn''t sustainable in the long run. Like at some point one of us isn''t going to be in the mood, but we have to do the horizontal mambo because otherwise I''ll turn into some kind of unholy rage beast. Or, I guess it''s possible that Saffron might be so much in the mood for Tabitha that Marie won''t do. Or, y''know, Marie be so much in the mood that Saffron as faux-Tabitha won''t do.


    That''s definitely something weird, something I need to meditate on more. Like, the fact that, based on shit they''ve actually openly said, Saffron and Marie both like me. Like, are into me specifically, because I''m me. Not because I''m Saffron''s Goddess, or because I''m a non-Maenad who can rock as hard as a Maenad. But because I''m Tabitha Diaz. Whatever that means. Girl who literally cannot adhere to The Man''s schedule to save her own life. Woman who steals library books and breaks the safety features of her dorm room because she''s too bored to do things by the rules. Goddess whose most common moniker has to do with bringing the curtain down on the Gods and all their bullshit.


    Holy fuck, am I the Incarnation of Anarchy or some shit? Like, not even Mimic me, but fucking Tabitha Diaz? Really? I''m sure I''ve joked about that shit before, but doing the looking at myself trying to improve myself thing, all I can see is one long series of sticking it to the man no matter the cost to myself.


    Okay, there''s that whole ''literally sleeping with the Tyrant conquering the Known World'' thing, but that''s an outlier, right?


    So yesterday''s little tantrum cost us one... no, I''m not even going to give them that name inside my own head. It cost us the Odin''s Triumph, a medium big sailboat that would have carried a hundred troops, twenty or so of them Jarls and the other eighty Volunteers. As it turns out, losing that one ship means we''ve got an even twenty five Jarls per... big sailboat... with seventy five Crossbow armed Volunteers. That means five Units each, which means no broken up Units. I''m really glad we hadn''t finished our cross-loading yet, because while the Volunteers are mostly Camden Bag or Phileo dock workers who know how to swim, ''mostly'' is not ''all'', and when you put somebody in actual armoring leather it impedes their swimming ability a bit. So the only dudes aboard the Odin''s Triumph right before I disintegrated it were a couple low-tier Jarls tasked with keeping it on station, and they just had to swim over to the Loki''s Prize.


    But the rest of the afternoon wound up being dedicated to rearranging who was gonna go where. Apparently most of today will actually be cross loading shit like food, and ammunition, and other crap like that. Yeah, it could be done faster, but a big chunk of the Phileo and New Amsterdam ships and all of the Norfolk ships are warships. For the uninitiated, that means ''safety'' is like, job three or four. Job one is keeping the damn thing on the right side of the waves, which goes for all ships everywhere, I guess. Except maybe submarines, although they still need to control which way they''re going, they just have the ability to go both ways.


    I''m a submarine. Who knew?


    Anyway, Job two for a warship is ''bringing hurt to the enemy''. I mean, technically it''s probably ''completing the mission'' or some shit like that, but we just discussed how I''m not the person who sees stuff in terms of ''missions'' or ''orders'' or ''coherent''. I see fucked up shit, I wreck it. I see an enemy, I bring the pain. So given my propensity for going ballistic and using the nuclear option in any given situation? I''m definitely a SSBN.


    But all of that means that if you want to keep all your sailors and marines and live violent cargo alive and undamaged to throw at the enemy, you need to do everything super slow and careful when it comes to loading your warships up, whether that''s loading the troops, their weapons and gear, or even their food. Long story short, that means it''s gonna take all fuckin'' day today to get the damn fleet loaded and ready to sail.


    Last night''s Mimic Dreams were, if anything, even more intense than the previous night''s. Saffron is definitely taking her whole ''drown Mimic and Tabitha in Happy Brain Chemicals until she loses the ability to rage'' duty seriously. I woke with an overwhelming sense of peace and rightness, one that didn''t even shake when I thought about how disappointed I was about the complete lack of sixteen inch wide phallic objects on my big sailboats.


    I woke to Marie gently stroking my hair, doing the same to Saffron, who lay snuggled into my arms. I wriggled my cheek against Marie''s thigh, my near immediate reward a rumbling purr transmitted more through her thighs than the air. "Good morning, love."


    That got the purr shaking the air as much as her thigh. "Love." she half-whispered, as much wonder in her voice as certainty.


    "It''s true, you know. I love you. She loves you. We love you. Not your sisters. Not what you are. Not what you can do. You. You because you are you. You know that, right?" I felt a little bad, because while I''d meant every word as I said it, overall I''d more filled the air with absolutely earnest lovey dovey noise than something she could agree with or not.


    Still, after a long, purring silence where her hands alternated strokes between Saffron and I, she whispered, "yes"


    "Does that scare you?"


    "Yes."


    I let that stand for a bit, pondering it. Eventually I asked, "Why?"


    I immediately regretted the question. Not that I didn''t want to know, but because I''d just dumped the mother of all open ended questions in her lap when she already felt less than her normal confident self. I opened my mouth to clarify, to give her something more concrete to work with, but her finger slithered across my lips, and I can take a hint when it''s written on a cookie cake delivered by a strip-o-gram. After a while, she whispered, "change"


    I surprised myself by not just getting it, but getting it almost immediately and understanding almost exactly not what she meant, but what she felt. I hadn''t thrown a fucking tantrum when Mom died and I wanted to stay in Camden because Camden is awesome, or because I had a whole bunch of supportive friends there, or because my LLC could only turn a profit with the government incentives for businesses operating in an ''economically depressed zone''. I threw a goddamned tantrum because I didn''t want things to change. Before Mom died, everything sucked, but it sucked in ways I was used to, and Mom made it better. The first big change in my life was her dying. She''d always been sick, as long as I could remember, but dying? Dying was new. Dying was a change. Dying was something that I couldn''t run to Mom to fix.


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    Change was fucking terrifying.


    Maybe I couldn''t bring my Mom back. Maybe I wanted this change so much it was all I could do not to grab Marie by the scruff of her neck and force that change down her throat, possibly jamming it straight into her stomach using my tongue like a fucking rammer. So maybe I couldn''t just leave it alone. But I sure as fuck could give my beautiful Murder Mittens as much fucking time as she needed to get ready for this change, be there to step back as much and as often as she needed, and fix each and every fucking thing that change might break. Not just all that, but to make the change as perfect as it could possibly be at each step of the way.


    "Do you still want it?"


    "Yes."


    I ran my cheek over her thigh again. "Both of us?"


    "Yes!"


    "Okay, okay, my Murder Mittens." I had to stop talking when her purring vibrated my jaw through her thigh for a bit. "So, one at a time or both at once?"


    She sat there, and for a bit her hands stopped stroking and, instead, made biscuits on our backs. I really hoped she was gentler with Saffron than she was with me, because I am absolutely the right kind of freak to enjoy being mauled, but Saffron was sleeping. Either she kept her Saffron mauling less intense than mine, or Saffron was secretly just as into that shit as I am, but either way Saffron just wriggled a bit, as if to make sure the coating of maul got evenly distributed across her back. After doing that a bit, Marie went back to stroking us and said, "Both."


    I nodded, thought a bit more. "Do you want rings? A ring? Two? Four?"


    "Rings?"


    I thought about it, realized I hadn''t seen anything that reminded me specifically of a wedding band or engagement ring since I got here. "Uh, engagement rings. Or ring. Wedding bands. Or band. An engagement ring is what you give a woman you''re going to marry. Kind of, like, a symbol. Wedding bands are what you exchange when you get married. Engagement rings are usually pretty fancy. Gems and shit. Wedding bands are usually plainer; sometimes just a single band of metal. But yeah, they''re kinda symbolic where I''m from. Married couples wear them." I chuckled a little. "I knew some people who wore fake ones as, like, a way to tell people hitting on them to fuck off without, y''know, telling them to fuck off."


    At that point I realized I''d been rambling for a bit and stopped. "So. Do you want one?"


    "Yes."


    "So, a wedding band, or an engagement ring, or both?"


    "Yes!"


    I chuckled a little. "One each from both of us, or one each from each of us?"


    "YES!"


    At that gleeful roar, Saffron and Menace both stirred, blinking as they started their start up routines. I joined Marie in stroking Saffron''s head, running my hand down her face and shushing her. "Wha.. whasup?"


    I kept my voice soft, gently shuffling her back to sleep. "Just talking with Marie about what she''d like, wedding wise. She got a little excited."


    "Mmkay." A few moments later, her snores started up again. At the other end of the bed Marie rolled off the bed with Menace, carrying her off to her bedroom. She looked grumpy as fuck, but her eyes fluttered closed as I watched.


    "You think we should keep talking about this? Or are you gonna get too worked up to let our Kitten sleep?"


    At the words ''our Kitten'', her purring almost drowned out my words. She looked down at me and smiled; not a sad smile, but one that told me without words that she really wanted to continue our conversation, but would absolutely not be able to keep herself from any more outbursts. Oddly enough, neither of us really thought about moving the conversation to the Love Shack. I think maybe we both wanted Saffron with us while we talked, even if she wasn''t really part of the conversation. "Sleep."


    I stretched a little. I wasn''t exactly energetic, but I wasn''t sleepy either. "Not sure I can."


    That''s when she slipped a finger in front of my mouth. "Shh."


    Then she reminded me that there were, in fact, two more of her in the room, and she was, in fact, both stealthy as shit and strong enough that three of her could keep me utterly still if she needed to.


    A long time later, after Marie put me to sleep at least twice, but I''m not sure how many times, because my capacity for rational thought had devolved to the point where counting meant ''one, more than one, lots'', Saffron stirred despite our restraint. "How goes the war effort, Goof?"


    I grinned stupidly at her. "Marie''s distracted me just a lot today."


    She frowned. Okay, mock frowned, but my Kitten has some serious frowning skills. I felt both a little guilty and afraid, even recognizing her mock frown for what it was. "Well, get one of you down there then."


    I am a good and obedient Wife and immediately Co-Located down to the docks, then stepped to where I saw Olga and Swanson chatting at the end of the quay at the end of the docks.


    Back in the bedroom, Saffron said, "Good Girl. If My Goddess does not object, I''ll be watching through her eyes rather than stepping down there myself."


    "Sure. Why?" Down on the quay, I waved to Olga and Swanson and said, "Hey guys, what''s up?"


    Olga nodded to Swanson, who said, "everything has gone according to plan. Frankly, were I a superstitious sort, I''d worry about too many things going right."


    In the bedroom I opened my mouth to relay that to Saffron, who sighed and said, "Marie? Do shut her up please." Murder Mittens picked me up by my biceps and shut me up through the simple expedient of licking my tonsils clean. She''s really good at cleaning things, so other than maybe a bit of a secret stupid grin in Norfolk, I kept my shit together. "You, my love, need more practice at controlling yourself in times of extreme emotion. And I did tell you I wanted cake."


    I guess you want me to pop down to Drivers'' too? Without waiting I popped one of me into Drivers''. "Hey, Mrs. Driver. Can I get some chocolate cake for the Imperator? She''s peckish." Down in Norfolk, I did my best to keep any inappropriate expressions off my face. "Have we heard anything from the Trolls or Jotnar yet?"


    Mrs. Driver smiled at me, giggled a little, because I wasn''t even trying to keep expressions off the face of that me, said, "I was just about to close up, so here you go," and handed me the remains of the chocolate cake on the counter, plate and all.


    Meanwhile on the quay Olga whispered, "shit."


    Swanson nodded, reiterated, "shit indeed. I knew we''d missed something. We should have heard back by now, either that they held the docks or why not."


    "So, have we got anyone else who can scout like that?"


    Swanson shook his head, as did Olga. "Swanson''s right. I think our best bet is father and I in the shallows, the Battleships line abreast between us, with your Phileo ships carrying Crossbowmen just behind them."


    "How much will it set us back to rearrange things?"


    Olga shrugged and looked at Swanson, who said, "we can be ready to advance by noon tomorrow, but we''d best go slowly."


    Speaking of rearranging, back in the bedroom I''d returned with the cake, set it on the end table, then collapsed back into myself as Saffron slipped down to the foot of the bed, then carefully guided the two Maries there to each lift one of my calves, whereupon she started tickling the bottom of my feet.


    I managed to keep everything but a grin off my face as I looked at Swanson and said, "what would our ETA in Calverton be?"


    "Normally I''d say we''d be there in good order in one day, but depending on what we face and find, if we move as slowly as I''d like, I''m thinking three to five days. Luckily we''ve got the supplies for that."


    I shrugged. "it is what it is. Leave the Longboats and the Loot Haulers here with our Phileo cargo ships, ready to move out for Calverton as soon our warships clear it."


    The others nodded to me, and I felt really good about my ability to work despite distractions. So of course Saffron had to ramp up the difficulty by several notches by saying, "Good Girl indeed. Let me know if you need me to step in. In the meanwhile, it''s so sweet of you to bring dessert for after, but I said I wanted cake."


    I think my eyes down in Norfolk crossed right about then, but I''m not sure, because of course at that point Murphy himself had to join in the entire ''let''s max out Tabitha''s stress and distraction levels'' game. The sun dipped below the horizon, my wireframe vision came into play across every part of the bay not covered by the lights of my ships, and I noticed the one anomaly previously camouflaged on the surface of the green water of the bay.


    A one armed, one footed Troll slowly, painfully swimming toward the Quay.

 Day Three Hundred And Thirty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    Was I some kind of evil dictator in a past life, where no matter how hard I work to do things the right way and make sure everybody''s gonna be as safe as they possibly can be doing dangerous but necessary shit, random Murphy karmic crap comes along and craps all over my fucking efforts?


    Deep breaths.


    Objectively I get it. No plan survives contact with the enemy. Basic Enlisted military knowledge. Hell, basic survival knowledge where I grew up, even if ''enemy'' got real fuzzy sometimes. But when our ROTC DI straight up said that in class, every head bobbled like he''d just uttered some kind of universal truth. Probably means something that all us kids knew that at, like thirteen years old, when there were Academy graduates, and I''m talking West Point and Annapolis here, who seemed to think that any deviation from The Plan meant everything was ruined forever, the battle lost, the war unwinnable. Seriously, I do not get the kind of privilege it takes to think that your enemies will just line up and let you execute them.


    I mean, I kinda hoped the fucking Undead would do something just like that. Too many zombie movies, I guess. Hell, I''d seen a lot of the old school horror flicks, and even a lot of the other monster flicks out there wound up being zombie flicks. Like, for some reason filmmakers lump everything into either ''one big monster too tough for humans to ever slay'' or ''hordes where each individual can be destroyed by a determined toddler''. Although to be fair, my definition of ''determined toddler'' is probably way, Way, WAY more dangerous than typical. Seriously. ''Predate''? To kill and consume. Having that as a baseline defining Skill is just kinda ''GAH!''


    Then again, I suppose that''s the whole family. Menace. Domnu. Conrad. Me. Just one big happy family. Okay, I''m pretty sure Domnu''s incapable of being what Mortals would call ''happy''. I''m equally certain Conrad fakes it all. I suppose I''m happy, sometimes? Mostly when I''m home alone with Saffron and Marie and Isnomi. Especially Isnomi, oddly enough. Maybe I''m faking it for her? Oh, shit, what if she''s faking it for the rest of us? That would definitely fit in with the whole theme of our whole fuckin'' family.


    Wait. No. Check that. Vulcan. Vulcan is, was, and will be too smug to be anything but happy with himself. So if he''s done nothing else good in his life, he''s managed to prove that a Mor can, in fact, be actually happy. Of course, he''s happy because he''s a Weapon of Mass Destruction who loves ruining people and scenery alike, but I suppose you''ve got to find joy where you can. In blowing shit up. In being a Menace. In turning assholes into Fine Arts and Crafts. In erasing the cosmos one bit at a time. In wrecking the shit out of ''Order''.


    That last one makes me really worry about Saffron and I. She''s definitely a force for Order in the universe, and I sure as shit am not. But then, maybe we''re like, I dunno, Yin and Yang? Opposites that attract and need each other? Like Life and Death? I think I could deal with that. Opposites that attract and react explosively when they come in contact. I know I like seeing her happy, and she seems to like seeing me that way.


    Before anybody brings up Murder Mittens, my considered replies are ''false dichotomy'' and ''fuck you, you expected logic?'' just so we''re clear.


    So last night right after the sun set and my wireframe vision kicked in to let me see the surface of the bay I spotted one of my Trolls in really sad shape, more or less dragging himself across the surface of the water towards us. I didn''t even really stop to think about it; I stepped to his side, splashed down, and the moment our skin made contact I stepped us both back to the Quay. His arm and leg weren''t just missing, they''d blackened, looking even worse than the Troll limbs I''d lopped off with Mana Blades. Without really thinking about it I Shaped a pair of Heal Injuries and tagged my Boi''s stumps.


    As my Kitten shouted, STOP! in my head, The blackened flesh sucked down the Healing spells, writhing as it grew, both stretching into emaciated, wrong-looking limbs and blackening the Troll''s shoulder and hip. I froze, Mana Blades instinctively sliding out of my wrists. I stumbled away, the Troll writhing around to scuttle after me on hands and knees. SMITE IT!


    For whatever reason my brain would not bring up the Shape for Smite until, halfway along the quay, Saffron projected the image of the Shape into my head. Drawing way more Mana than I had for the Heals, I Shaped Smite and kept pouring Mana into it until the Troll caught up to me. The moment it came in reach, I slammed the Shape into its grasping, blackened hand.


    The Troll screamed, its back arching until it convulsed so hard its skull hammered into the stone of the quay. Its arm, its shoulder, its leg, and its hip all smoked, burned away by flameless heat. More thin, black smoke rose from its mouth, its nostrils, its ass, even the crack where its skull had split when it hammered its head into the stone. I think it even had smoke coming out of its pores. I watched the Shape force itself over the Troll, constricting around it, forcing its way inward like some three dimensional trash compacter. It passed right through the poor Troll''s flesh, leaving nothing but greenish scales and black powder behind. When it sank into the Troll''s chest, its scream changed in timbre, becoming the scream of a person in unimaginable pain rather than the shriek of a monster facing oblivion. Then, with a crack, the Smite finished its work, and the Troll lay still.


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    I lay my hand on its chest, smudging the black powder there. Not, like, gunpowder. More like graphite. The Troll lay perfectly still, a cooling lump of meat. Fury overtook me, and before I could think I shaped a Stabilize as big as the Smite and hammered it into its chest. It sat up, gasping, eyes flying open. After a few moments of coughing, it braced itself up with one hand and looked at me, eyes lowered to my chin.


    It... no, they... didn''t speak. There were some hisses in there, but I realized that the vocalizations in Troll were like body language, and vice versa. "Legate."


    The title puzzled me for a little bit, but all those big assed ancient books came to my aid. "Legionnaire?


    "Centurion Furtim Cauda."


    I nodded. "Centurion. Report?"


    They nodded, paused for a moment as if arranging their thoughts. "Legion advanced to Docks. Fought Undead Underwater. Ambushed by Hole Spawn. Prefect ordered retreat West. Sent Centuria Cauda with report." They went still, panting a little. Their arm and leg regrew fast enough for me to see it happening, but their chest and other limbs shrank. I powered up an overpowered Heal Injury and hammered them with it; they panted, but rose to their feet the moment both of their legs stretched the same length. They stared at the quay, their shame obvious even without any fancy translation.


    It took me a second to figure out why. Whatever had ambushed my Trolls hadn''t just beaten them and sent them running, it had managed to kill ninety nine out of a hundred sent to get a message through to me. This Troll had somehow managed to make it through, even with Undeath eating at them, to report to me. Shit, it had lost an arm and a leg, not to mention its pole arm.


    Right then it hit me. I pulled my Swordstaff, and they knelt, bowing their head, stretching it out toward me as they did. I Co-Located, stepped forward, and held my swordstaff in front of them. They simply knelt there, unmoving, not even closing their eyes. I reached down and gently pulled one of their hands, then the other, placing them on the haft of my weapon. Then I let go and stepped back.


    The Troll blinked, then its eyes shot wide open. They stood, struck sparks off the quay when they slammed one of the sword blades down, slamming their fist against their chest. "Legate! Orders?"


    I smiled at them without exposing my teeth. "Your Centuria were taken by the Undead that ambushed you?" They sighed and nodded. "I don''t know if we, if I can fix them. If they''re like you were, still fighting it, I sure as shit will try. Fuck that, I don''t care what condition they''re in, if you can get them in reach of me, I''ll do my best to fix them, to save them. But right now? Other than a handful of Selkies and Merfolk sailors, none of whom are really great when it comes to fighting, you''re our only underwater asset. The only one who can see the Trolls coming underwater and let us know, the only one who stands a chance against them one on one underwater."


    They nodded, and I turned to Olga and Swanson. "What the hell is a Hole Spawn?"


    Both of them blanched. "Oh, shit."


    "Olga? Oh, shit is evocative, but unless we''re about to fight an actual poop monster, it doesn''t tell me a lot."


    She looked at Swanson, "Have you fought them?" He shook his head, obviously shaken by something about the ''Hole Spawn''. "Okay then. I''ve only fought two. The Jarls who had me fight them said they were ''on the small side''." She looked at me. "Have you fought a Dragon before?"


    I nodded. "Two."


    She blinked. "Well. Shit. Most people fight the one and decide it''s a bad idea, then get someone else to fight any others that show up. I think you''re the first non-Jotnar I''ve ever spoken to who''s fought more than one." She paused. "How''d you do, by the way?"


    I shrugged. "Crushed the smaller one and buried it under the riverbed, because it felt kinda toxic. Bigger one I jumped in its mouth and was trying to think of something when my wife showed up and shot it."


    "You jumped in its mouth?"


    "I figured it couldn''t bite me if I was in its mouth."


    "Did... did that work?"


    I shifted The Dress out of the way and traced one of the thinner, more superficial scars across my calves. "Not so much."


    "A Dragon gnawed on your calves, and you still have feet?"


    "My wife tells me I''ve got a fetish for being chewed on. Hole Spawn?"


    Olga lost her shit laughing at that, holding up one hand, begging for patience. When she got control of herself she said, "okay, okay. Hole Spawn are... I think technically they might be Dragons? Or at least some kind of Dragon Kin like Wyverns or Drakes? Except... You know how Wyverns look like a Dragon got it on with a very unfortunate Horse, maybe?"


    I tilted my head as I thought about it. "Yeah, okay, I can see that."


    "Hole Spawn are like that, except bottom feeders instead of Horses."


    I tried to envision it. "You mean, like, eels? Or catfish? Or crabs?"


    "Yes."


    My brain kinda split at that, and the intrusive thoughts took over my brain. "I wanna eat one."


    "I... I would never have thought of trying to eat one. I... I guess you could? If you could somehow neutralize both the poison and the acid?"


    I shot her a crooked grin. I wish I hadn''t said it, but I couldn''t get back down now. "Sounds spicy. Our Trolls and Jotnar got ambushed by Hole Spawn."


    "How many?"


    "Enough that the Troll Prefect ordered a retreat and sent a Centuria to inform us, of which one got through."


    "Oh. Oh, shit." When I put my hands on my hips, she waved her hands for patience again. "I think that''s what Swanson and I both thought when you mentioned them. I don''t know a lot about Undead, and nobody knows a lot about Hole Spawn, other than no two being quite the same, but..." She paused, took a breath, "I''ve heard two tales. One is that bottom feeders are, like, natural Undead. The other is that bottom feeders that feed on Undead become vastly more powerful."


    "So, which one is it?"


    She closed her eyes. "Honestly? Having fought Hole Spawn, and seen what happened to your Troll there? I''m trying not to shit myself at the thought that it''s both."


    "Well. Fuck me. Looks like we do the slow and steady advance from here to Calverton, with Centurion Furtim Cauda spotting them and me ending them as they find those fuckers."


    "Are... are you sure, my Liege?"


    I smiled grimly up at her. "That''s why they pay the bitch in the big chair the big bucks, isn''t it?"

 Day Three Hundred And Thirty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    Screw it, if I can use his cool lines, I''m gonna use his other lines when appropriate too; I''ve got a bad feeling about this.


    Y''know, that makes me wonder about Divination and Prophecies. Back when dealing with the after effects of Bonnie''s Prophecy, at one point when we had nothing better to do than lie around talking in post coital bliss, I picked Saffron''s brain about it a little bit. Technically I''m pretty sure Loki knows more about both than Saffron, but let''s face it, it''s way easier for me to concentrate on Kitten''s mouth than Loki''s.


    Somehow I''m surprisingly sanguine about that.


    At any rate, apparently Divination and Prophecy are sort of related, but definitely not the same thing. Or, well, Prophecy is a special case of Divination, with its own special dangerous shit. Divination is, at its core, just looking at shit. Well, looking, listening, probably smelling and touching if you know the right spells or don''t mind sticking your hand on or even through a portal of questionable duration and capacity. I think there''s some bits that Saffron''s done some work with where the Divination uses other senses as well, maybe even ones that aren''t normally part of the normal Human loadout. So I guess it would be more accurate to call it ''information magic''. Finding Out without the Karmic backlash of Fucking Around, even.


    And then there''s Prophecy, where all that Fucking Around comes back to bite you directly in the brain ass.


    Technically Prophecy is just Divining the future. That''s kinda hard to do, because when anybody or anything with any kind of Free Will decides to, y''know, make a decision, ''the Future'' winds up being a kind of, what''s the fuckin'' word? Quantum Uncertainty state? Fuck if I remember. I read it once when some nerdy edge lord didn''t even have fuckin'' Netflix. What an utter shitshow that was. If I wanted to self service I could have stayed home where I didn''t have to have pants on. Not that I had pants on at the time anyway, but you get my point. At any rate, every one of those little branches can affect the course of time. Now some of them don''t really matter, especially if you''re not trying to ''know all the future'' or some stupid shit. Like, if you''re trying to figure out if your favorite Troll is gonna beat the next Undead they throw down with, it generally does not matter what the fourth guy in line at Drivers'' chose to eat that morning. But no matter how narrow you bring your focus, there''s still a chance you''re gonna be wrong.


    Thing is, just like the ''Gods saying shit makes them make it true''? Which, by the way, I''m entirely uncertain how that affects me as an Avatar of a Trickster God with enough Mana to spontaneously generate a forty of malt liquor like it ain''t no thing. However, a Prophet who declares something as a Prophecy while they''re doing their Divining thing kinda locks their mind into the branch of the future where that shit happens. That means that if it doesn''t? They slowly start going nuts as their brain or mind or Soul or whatever is firmly stuck in a world where it did happen, and if it was anything that could come back and bite them in the ass, they''ll wind up going more and more bonkers until they aren''t seeing the same reality as everyone else. I''m guessing at that point, since they''re by definition Magi, either some Hero has to put them out of everyone else''s misery before they kill somebody, or maybe they just off themselves when they take a big swallow of what was supposed to be an after dinner nightcap but is, in fact, drain cleaner.


    On the flip side of all that Divination and Prophecy bullshit, which is not ''bullshit'' in the sense that it doesn''t exist, but ''bullshit'' in the sense that it''s not something you want to fuck with, because the existence of bullshit presupposes the existence of a bull, and those bitches are way bigger than a city girl like me ever thought they''d be. Anyhow, flip side, Mimic. Her enormously fat ass now covers everything from Long Island halfway down to Jackville along the coast, and while there''s a big old bite taken out of it where she won''t go too close to Calverton, I think she''s starting to ooze her way across the Great Lakes. Yeah, she''s thankfully stuck in M-Space, but M-Space is connected to the Mortal Realm, so I think she gets some kind of sense of what''s there. Like, why the fuck else would she not be going near Calverton? It''s officially part of the Alliance now, so they don''t have anybody holding up Divine No Trespassing signs, so the only reason she wouldn''t be just slopping her way toward Rich Man''s Port is if she knows about the Undead.


    Hell, we first learned about the Undead because she literally sniffed them out.


    So I guess what I''m saying is that while I''ve limited my Divination to the simplest, stupidest ''gimme a Predator recon drone camera view of shit'', and I''m not going to be touching Prophecy with Big Jarl Johnson''s ten foot pole, I really do have a Bad Feeling About This, and something tells me it''s not just nerves.


    So Monday night I put in my requisite ''keep my shit together while distracted practice'', and late Monday morning the fleet set out sailing line abreast up the Chesapeake. My initial idea of ''just the big combat units'', because I refuse to use the B-word to describe anything that isn''t carrying nine sixteen inch phallic symbols that can yeet a grape shot Volkswagen over the horizon, got nixed because the Chesapeake is, in fact, almost twenty miles wide at some points, and nineteen ships sailing a mile apart do not so much make a ''battle line'' as ''bite sized morsels'' for whatever the fuck could make a Legion of Trolls retreat. We also have a few, as ten, big Jotnar with us along with Skasn and Olga. None of them are fighters, though. They''re... I''m not sure what the actual word is, but my brain alternately hears ''farmer'' or ''fisherman''. Skasn and Olga are both armed with those massive ski poles, and also now are each carrying a short sword the size of a moving van and a round shield that looks like they straight up stole the roof off somebody''s house. The... I''m gonna call them ''Fishermen'', because it makes me feel better if I think their shoes are made for wading in, have clubs hanging from their waists, but mostly are using these big assed woven sieves to basically dredge the bottom of the bay.


    This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.


    This is not making our progress any faster, but apparently the reason the Centuria Cauda was sent is they''re the Legion''s equivalent of Marine Recon. The sneaky bastards. Furtim is the dude the sneaky bastards apparently call ''Sneaky Tail''. Which makes me wonder if they are, in fact, a dude or a dudette, but right now neither of us have the time for me to explore the potential Just Happening implications of my Lizard Bois having genders. Mostly because while the Jotnar are dredging the, to them, waist deep water trying to flush out individual Trolls, either survivors like Furtim or Undead, whether completely converted or, like Furtim, still fighting it, Furtim and I are zigzagging back and forth from shore to shore doing the same thing.


    As to why I''m doing that instead of playing Admiral, there are three good reasons and one awful one. The first good reason is that I can, in fact, hold my breath for, at a minimum, hours at a time. It''s a little weird at first, but after like five minutes I just stop noticing the whole ''not breathing'' thing. Of course when she realized that Saffron decided that ''maximum distraction'' me wouldn''t be breathing either; I''m not complaining, Marie is an absolute S tier treat, but once in a while I wish my Saffron was a little less good at distracting me. Then again, I figure she''ll either cut the distractions out entirely or move to something super anti rage inducing when shit goes sideways. The second reason I''m swimming with Furtim as backup is because I stole their Swim skill, and even though I suspect my Swim is limited more by my Mimic: Skill than Furtim''s Swim, I''m still moving at Phelps shaming speeds in the water now. Not quite Aquaman, but definitely cheap cabin cruiser speeds. The third good reason is that unlike my scaly buddy and everyone else not blessed by Mimic, I can see just as well under twenty feet of murky water as I do in pitch blackness.


    The awful reason I''m not being Admiral Diaz is obviously because I''m still pouting about not getting a fucking Actual Battleship. I mean, shit, I didn''t really expect BB 62 in all her Draconic glory, but fuck, even that fuckin... Olympia, I think it is, over in Philly, even that would have had some cannon, not to mention being made out of something tougher than kindling. So no, I''m not riding in the misnamed Sailboats.


    Of course, the Good Reasons are still good. Monday the Jotnar found four Trolls; three who ashed completely when a Hero hit them with Smite, and one who wound up nearly dying; they''re aboard one of the second line ships, Furtim tells me they''ll be back in something like fighting trim by Wednesday. Of course, while the Jotnar found four, I found another twelve. I didn''t bother bringing up the ones who disintegrated when I hit them with Smite, but that brought the grand total of convalescent Trolls to five.


    At dusk we brought up some big fishing nets the fleet had intended to use to resupply during the trip up and strung them along between the ships. Not a perfect solution, but I can''t be everywhere at once and Furtim does, in fact, need sleep. I mean, six of me took turns swimming laps along the front of the fleet, trying to make sure no Undead got behind us, but everybody else hunkered down and got some rest, while Saffron made sure I did not, in fact, need anything resembling sleep. Food may or may not replace sleep, but Worship absolutely fuckin'' does, at least it did for one night. That''s really the reason we''re moving so slow as well; I may be a world class dumbass, and I know to some degree I''m fighting last week''s war, but a big chunk of why the Trolls and Jotnar got cornholed is, in fact, because enemies got behind them and attacked right when they were fully committed to fighting the Calverton Undead. So our slow, steady approach, which Swanson tells me should get us there sometime around the Eighth of Door, or nine days from now, is entirely to keep that from happening.


    Don''t get me wrong. I''m gonna wind up getting fucked over somehow, but I will at least avoid getting sloppy seconds by the cornhole machine.


    Today we advanced about the same rate. We kind of had a pattern down, but the Bay kept getting wider up until the end of the day when it narrowed down to maybe fifteen miles. We found another twenty trolls, and saved five.


    As we settled down for dusk, I got a sudden rush of brains to the head. Kitten, I know you''re having a blast playing around with my cake and Drivers'' icing, but I need one of you down here.


    Of course, love. What did you need me for?


    Plausible deniability.


    I Co-Located to the deck of the ship where our convalescent Trolls were curling up, bivouacking for the night. I nodded to Furtim, who stood, and then Saffron was there wreathed in Glowing Midnight. "I am here, love."


    "Thanks, dear. I know this is asking a lot, but could Mimic see her way clear to granting our Trolls here her Boon of Vision?"


    She smiled beatifically, as befit a Highest Priestess who''d just swapped places with our Maid back in the Love Shack, and said, "of course." She stepped up and lay a hand on Furtim, who blinked, then indicated his thanks. She repeated the process with each of the Trolls, and as she did each of them looked a lot healthier as well. "My Goddess is a Goddess of Healing as well as Darkness," she said by way of explanation, then came back to me. "Will that be all tonight, love?"


    "I''d kinda like to follow their example and settle in to watch the stars with you for a while? We''re ten miles from shore, more or less, and once the sun''s down completely the view is incredible."


    She smiled, walked over, lay her hands on my cheeks and kissed me. When she pulled away to a distance of maybe six inches, her eyes locked on my face and she just melted me with three words.


    "It certainly is."

 Day Three Hundred And Thirty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    Gotta remember that just because people disagree with me, it doesn''t mean they''re not on my side.


    Seriously, I''m only just now realizing how much my inner Mimic pushes me to just steamroll anybody who disagrees with me. Metaphorically or literally, she doesn''t fuckin'' care which. The problem, there, of course, is that as I''ve tried to make quite clear, I am in fact the dumbest of asses. Seriously, I have no real idea how my digestion works, but the only way I can fart is someone or something literally forcing gas up my ass, which means my ass in fact quite literally dumb, in the ''mute'' sense of the word. It''s like reality''s just having another laugh at my expense.


    At least in this case it not only doesn''t really interfere with my life in any meaningful way, it''s kind of handy not having to worry about literally losing my shit, or passing gas at some inopportune moment. Also, it''s genuinely funny. Okay, I think it is, and you''ve got to laugh at yourself, right? That''s like, a way to disarm other people who want to laugh at you, because if you''re already laughing at yourself, they''re not laughing at you, they''re laughing with you.


    Back to people disagreeing with me, I guess some of it has to do with how often I got slotted into really shitty situations in the past. Back at Eastside, I never really had the Agency to keep people from forcing me into those spots where no matter what I did, I lost. Apparently somebody told people I was smart before I started at Eastside, because ''reads lots of books'' equated to ''smart'' in their opinion. So I got into advanced classes my first year. Which I bombed, because despite the material being fuckin'' easy shit, once I''d learned enough to understand it, I lost all interest, and I barely did assignments that intrigued my oppositional defiant disordered ass. I sure as shit wasn''t going to be doing homework on stuff that I''d already gotten bored with. So, like, I''d ace the tests, get decent grades on class discussions, sorta shitty on classwork, and a big old goose egg on everything else. Thing is? I didn''t ask for any of those classes. I wanted college prep English, because that meant more reading and less endless vocabulary lists, and everything else I pushed to get into, like, the ''just barely enough get a High School Diploma'' level courses. But nobody listened to me, so instead of nailing it in courses where I could cruise through asleep, I wound up crashing and burning hard, then winding up in the shittiest tier of courses outside Special Needs sections.


    Of course, once I got to here and now, every ''disagreement'' has turned into ''I get the shit kicked out of me, but you ought to see the other guy! Bring a mop, bucket, and microscope!'' So, like, not only have I wound up leaving me with enough physical scars I''m pretty sure that my hot new bod is, on balance, significantly less cute than my old doughy one from Eastside, I''ve got all this mental baggage from, y''know, maiming and killing and torturing and getting the fuck off on all of that like some kind of fucked up anime villain. So, y''know, I come by that whole ''when someone argues with me, it gets my back up'' honestly.


    But I still gotta get that shit under control, because as noted, I''m a dumbass, and if there''s one smart thing I''ve done its consistently surrounding myself with people who are smarter, more skilled, and prettier than me. Okay, Menace really qualifies more as ''cute'', Marie is ''hotness personified'', and Saffron is so beautiful it makes my everything ache, but ''pretty'' is true for all of them, so I''m gonna stick with that. But that means that I really need to get in the fuckin'' habit of, when they say something I don''t like, saying, ''why?'' instead of ''die, motherfucker, die!''


    So that happened today, in what might have been the worst possible way, had Imperator Kitten Sexypaws, First of Her Name, not been the ultimate sexy badass she is.


    After dark yesterday Saffron and I lay down on the deck of the supply ship our Trolls had bivouacked on, me leaning against some bundled supplies, her lying atop me. I still wore The Dress, although somehow she''d managed to straight up deny the stinky Bay water any purchase on her, which meant while I smelled a little of salt and fish, mostly I just had my normal cinnamon sugar me going on. Meanwhile Saffron had Glowing Midnight on, the first thing she''d worn in my presence for a couple days now, what with her persistent efforts to distract me from whatever I was trying to do.


    As we lay there watching the stars wheel overhead, I felt the motion. The motion of me shifting slightly so she wouldn''t lose her balance breathing or anything. The motion of the boat rocking gently beneath us. The motion of the tectonic plate as it floated on the sea of magma beneath it. The motion of the planet spinning beneath me, hurtling through space, both around the sun and as the sun raced around the galactic plane. This, as you might imagine, fucked with my head just a little bit.


    I shuddered, and Saffron twisted herself around, bringing her lips to mine. A while later when she pulled away, I realized I wasn''t the only one reeking of sugary sweet cinnamon. I chuckled. "What, is that another Boon you can give now? Basic Bitch BO?"


    She smirked at me, and I realized where our offspring got their best smug looks from. "Three." I blinked, and she ran a thumb across her lips, and I might have felt some kind of way about her wiping my kisses off before she stuck her thumb in her mouth and sucked it clean. "Two."


    "Am I in danger?" I half joked. She''d tell me if I''d fucked up bad enough she was really gonna hurt me, if only so I knew what not to do next time. I mean, really, the only time she''d ever lashed out physically was when I''d told her I''d hidden being Mimic from her, and in my own opinion that was fully justified. She''d literally kissed it completely better afterward, too, so I wasn''t gonna complain, but sphincters clenched when her smile got wider.


    She flared her nostrils and inhaled, her smile growing even further. "One." I made a conscious decision to relax everything, and if she slipped a little as I slouched, she didn''t complain. On the other hand, the her in the Love Shack took that moment to moan out, "Marie?" at which point Marie got real pointed with her own enjoyment of Saffron''s new favorite cake. Then the her lying atop me on the ship booped my nose and said, "your Concubine''s breath smells of you too, Goof." Then she lost her shit laughing, barely able to force out the words, "and we have comprehension!"


    I might have gotten a little grumpy at that, if I''d been slightly dumber or more of an ass, but fortunately for everyone my sense of humor is lower than Saffron''s even at her lowest. "Oh, no. Olfactory narcissism! I have sunk to even greater depths of depravity!" She just giggled more, and I said, "Okay, High Priestess. It''s time to get you home to bed."


    She wrapped her arms around me, burrowing into my chest, her giggles never ceasing. As you wish, My Goddess. We will sleep well tonight.


    "Sorry, Kitten, but I''ve got to stay here."


    She pushed herself up, rolling to her feet, giggles banished, Imperator in full effect. "You most certainly do not. Centurion!" Furtim, who''d been curled up and snoozing, leapt to their feet, slamming their sword staff blade into the deck. "Are your troops ready to take over night patrols for the Legate?" One slam, and a hiss that brought the rest of the recovered Trolls scrambling to their feet.


    If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it.


    "Hey! They need rest too!"


    "All but Furtim have been resting since you recovered them, and the Centurion can go without sleep for one night; if need be they can rest tomorrow below decks. If that''s not dark enough we can bring them to our suite and draw the blackout curtains. But you, my love, need sleep."


    Seriously, I don''t.


    Seriously, you do.


    I leapt to my feet, growling a little as I did. "I can keep doing this as long as I have to!"


    "Champion!" She glared at me, her gaze boring into me, through me, captivating me. "HEEL!"


    So much brain override there. On the one hand, I absolutely needed to get this domineering bitch unto a flat surface and do unto her. On the other hand, my sense of humor took over the me in the Love Shack, grabbed the Saffron there by the heels, and brought them up to her cheeks. "You mean these?" She replied to that with appropriate wordlessness, letting Marie forcibly face plant me to shut me up. I approved thoroughly, and expressed that the only way available.


    The me aboard ship growled, stepped just behind and to the left of her, close enough her ass bumped my thigh when I put my right arm around her waist. "Woof Woof."


    "Centurion, the watch is yours. I will see to it the Legate is prepared to oversee the advance in the morning." As the Trolls slipped near noiselessly off the side of the ship, Saffron stepped us back to our bedroom facing our window, our backs to the bed. She spun to face me, yanked The Dress and her boots off of me with a gesture and thought, then pointed at the bed. "Lie. Down."


    I wanted, needed, craved putting her in her place, but right at that moment every me in operation had been grabbed by the gonads and led around to exactly where my Imperator wanted me. Banishing her own dress, she climbed onto the bed, snuggled into me, and whispered into my ear, "Good Girl." The soothing force of those words rushed through me, and before the darkness deep in me could rush back in, she whispered, "remember duBois'' lesson, love." I must have made confused Sub noises, because she explained, "just because you can perform some feat of Endurance does not mean you should. I am paying close attention to you, love. Very close. Intimate, in every way that word can possibly mean." She bit her lip and closed her eyes for a moment, stiffening up, then melting across my side. "You, my love, are very nearly as distracting just by being you as I am when I''m trying my hardest to distract you."


    A moment later the three of us in the Love Shack returned to the bedroom, Saffron and I collapsing into ourselves, Marie slipping in between us and the bed so I could pillow my head on her chest. "I love you, Saffron."


    "And I you, Tabitha. But if I tell you to stand down, it is because you need to stand down. When I say you need rest, it is because you need rest." I must have made some kind of cranky Attack Dog noises, because she followed that with, "do you trust me?"


    "With my Soul."


    "Are you sure?"


    I stopped and thought about that for a second, then a smile wreathed my face as I realized those dark impulses had, in fact, completely receded. "Yeah."


    "How do you know?"


    I nuzzled the top of her head and said, "what I did when you called me to heel."


    She snorted out a laugh and said, "made an awful joke, turned me on likely more than I''d done to you, then obeyed every instruction I gave you?"


    "Yeah," I sighed.


    "Good Girl."


    I almost fell asleep from complete relaxation right there. "Could ya... mebbe say tha'' ''gain?"


    "Good Girl," she breathed into my chest, and I drifted off to sleep before I could reply.


    Marie filled my night with suspiciously Saffron shaped shrimp, and I made a bigger glutton of myself than any time in recent memory.


    I woke to her tongue flickering across my chest, her nose tickling me as she sniffed her way to consciousness. "Hey, Kitten. I think I really do need to get back to work now."


    She smiled. "You do." A moment later the three of us lay in the Love Shack, and while Marie flipped me over and used my stomach as a pillow, Saffron hopped off the bed to grab some things hanging from some hooks embedded into the wall. A long thin white jacket and what looked like a clipboard. As she examined them, she turned to me and said, "well? Didn''t you say you had to get to work?"


    I Co-Located one of me to the fleet, picking up The Dress on the way. Furtim and nine Trolls all stood at less than perfect attention, even if they snapped closer to it when I arrived. One Troll stood with their arms tied behind them around a mast, their body held up by one leg, the other devolving to blackened growths halfway down the thigh. I stepped over and slammed them with an overpowered Smite followed immediately by a Heal. When they stopped hissing and shuddering, I stepped around and slashed their bonds away. They leapt into formation like they''d been scalded, grabbing up their pole arm on the way.


    That''s when I noticed Hero Potami sitting right about where Saffron and I had lay the night before. She nodded to me. then to five more trolls pinned to the deck by spikes. "Good Morning, Queen Tabitha."


    I caught the faintest mocking disapproval in her titanium blade of a voice, and replied, "hey, only until I can hand this shit off to Olga."


    She shot me a Tiny Potami Grin of Approval, then nodded to the Trolls. "I wasn''t sure I could save them, but they''re all deeply... infected?"


    "Good term for it. I got this, go get some rest?"


    She nodded, then headed below decks. One at a time I hammered each of the captive Trolls with a Smite, a Heal, and a Stabilize. None of them looked fit for duty when I finished, and I might have hit the final one with a Revive when the Stabilize didn''t take, but at the end we had five more self-mobile, uninfected Legionnaires. I turned to Furtim. "Okay, Centurion. Good work overnight. Get your Legionnaires under cover and rest up. I think the Imperator wants you on night watch while I spearhead the advance." With one thump on the deck, they helped the others up and headed below decks.


    For my part, I turned and took a running leap off the side of the boat, chain Co-Locating a dozen of me down the front of the fleet as I did. I really did feel a shit ton better after a night of sleep, and if I was gonna get more rest every night, I''d use that during the day to make this advance as safe as I possibly could.


    Right as I finished Co-Locating and started sweeping through the bay on the hunt for Trolls and anything that looked like the unholy mating of a Dragon and a bottom feeder, Saffron nodded and shrugged into what I just then realized was a pretty good approximation of a lab jacket. Then she hopped up onto the bed and knelt next to my head. I snorted and said, "roleplaying in the bedroom now?"


    She sucked her teeth. "I''ll have you know I am absolutely the closest thing to a scientist in this world. Well, the closest Mortal, anyhow, and I''m working closely with our Son, who is the only one more qualified than I to Do Science."


    "You are the nerdiest nerd ever to nerd. Nerd girl nerding out by cosplaying a nerd, thinking that you can do ''sexy nerd'' by limiting your costume to a nerdy lab jacket and nerdish clipboard." I couldn''t really do much, what with Marie interlacing her fingers with mine at some point in the past few minutes, and her head still resting on my belly as she purred.


    "Hmmm..." Saffron looked at her clipboard, pulled a Mana Pen from her pocket, and made a few notes. "So, given your lack of meaningful mobility, and how deep your nerd fetish runs, are you attempting to self-service by words alone? Oh, and is it working? Has it, in fact, worked yet?"


    Holy shit my nerd wife is hotter when she''s getting her nerd on than most porn stars are while fucking. I grinned up at her and revealed my hidden reserves of eloquence when I said, "uh... Maybe? Kinda? Not... yet?"


    She made the cutest little moue. "Well. ''Maybe'' and ''Kinda'' won''t do, since you''re scheduled to have your refractory period tested today. Marie?"


    "My what naaaokay then. I distinctly remember something about no stress testing!"


    She Grinned down at me and said, "but this is For Science!" I lay there, mouth hanging open as she snickered at me and Marie kinda removed my mental ability to do anything but work on automatic. "Oh, and while we''re at it, you''re supposed to be practicing holding your breath, just in case you''re in an extended underwater conflict." She then removed my ability to breathe in the most pleasant way possible. As I desperately tried to manage a dozen of me scouting the waters in front of the fleet while Saffron and Marie did their dead level best to keep me from anything approaching coherence, Saffron absolutely cheated with words I only understood from the cadence and tone.


    "Good Girl."

 Day Three Hundred And Forty

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, I think I unintentionally discovered my theme song during the Battle of the Bands when I decided on ''Bitch''.


    Not the whole ''I''m a bitch'' part, even though being a perfectly content vagina haver and the Imperator''s Attack Dog would, in fact, make me canonically a bitch. So yeah, I''m a bitch, but I wasn''t really talking about that. I''m talking about the whole ''tomorrow I will change and today won''t mean a thing'' part of the song. I''ve never really noticed it before, because I''ve never really spent this much time really looking at myself, doing the therapy thing. Okay, I''m not talking to a therapist now, because good intentions aside, a massive incursion of Undead who have apparently already spread into the Chesapeake is, in fact, more fucking important than the shit that''s fucking around inside my skull. But I''m still taking time on the daily to self-examine, to think about who and what I am, to ponder, as the age old question goes, ''why am I like this?''


    It turns out I''m not a bad fit for being a Trickster, since there are good odds the answer to that question, no matter what ''this'' I''m talking about, is ''I thought it would be funny at the time'', which is pure Trickster if I ever heard it. Then again, the second most common reason I do anything I do is best described by a word one of my friends back at Eastside came up with. ''Nanastay''. Which translates roughly to ''the horny in me recognizes the horny in you''. Pretty much if I''m not doing shit for the lulz, I''m doing it because the vajayjay hungers for the flesh of men. In the ''humans'' sense of that word, not the ''penis havers'' sense. Now that I think of it, that part of me really worries me more than the deep dark Primordial Deity which Hungers for the Flesh of All Things. Seriously, ''being Mimic'' is just something I gotta get used to, get control of, get over, in the ''get over yourself'' kind of meaning. ''Being the biggest horndog since Zeus'' is pure me, and I do not want to turn into fuckin'' Zeus.


    God, why am I like this?


    I''m not sure it will ease your mind, but... Sleipnir.


    Huh? Oh. Wait. Yeah, you banged a boy horse. Or would it be got banged by a boy horse?


    The terms you''re looking for are ''stallion'' and, appropriately enough, ''getting railed like a mare in heat''.


    Okay then. Yeah, so ''like father like daughter'', but, I mean, Zeus?


    I see your Zeus and counter with Hilde.


    I don''t... wait, so it''s not the ''I want to fuck the world one hole at a time'' that''s the problem, it''s the ''so I''m gonna do it, no matter the opinion of the hole''s owner about me fucking it''?


    Exactly.


    That''s, oddly comforting. Thanks, Boss, you''re the best.


    I know.


    So okay, I guess me having ''eternal horndog'' as my second driving factor isn''t as damning as my upbringing in Neo-Puritan central raised me to believe. Third on my list would be ''nom all the things''. Which again, Mimic takes to horrifying levels, and I really need to have my Jotnar Femurs shipped back to Phileo. Oh, fuck, I just realized that not only did I think it would be cool to turn the thigh bones of a living, thinking being into chew toys, I decided my wife would like them as gifts, and she totally did. Or said she would? Fuck, now I don''t know if she thought ''Jotnar Femur'' was an inappropriate gift or she really was pissed that I wanted to give her the extra one. Hell, now I both feel guilty for coming up with and enacting the Jotnar Femur Chew Toy Plan, offering my wife an excess femur, and also for considering ditching said femurs, since I did kill a motherfucker to get them, and now I''d be wasting femurs, because some part of me bought into that whole, ''waste not, want not'', ''starving kids in Africa'', ''using every part of the animal makes it moral'' bullshit.


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    Saffron?


    Yes, love?


    Am I a monster for turning Olaf''s femurs into chew toys?


    No, love.


    Am I a bad wife for giving them to you?


    Shock colored her reply, Of course not! You wanted those, and you offered me something you obviously wanted for yourself. I found myself slightly put out when I realized you were offering me the extra one, but still, it was obviously something you felt strongly about having, so I accepted the gift in the spirit it was offered.


    So I''m not a monster?


    Of course you are.


    Dafuq?


    Love, you are the Avatar of a Primordial Deity of the Pantheon of Terror walking the Mortal Realm. You are, were, and will be monstrous so long as that is true.


    So I shouldn''t be here?


    Suddenly, interrupting my evening''s meditation on the day, she was there, in my lap, legs wrapped around me so tightly it strained Glowing Midnight''s skirt slits. "Never think that, love. You are my dearest love, mother to my child, lover of my concubine, my joy, my humor, my passion. Yes, you are a monster, but sometimes the world needs monsters." She drew me in for a kiss that lasted so long I almost forgot what I''d been thinking about.


    Almost. "I don''t want to be a monster though."


    She wrapped her arms around my chest and lay her head on my breast. "You don''t want to be a villain, you don''t want to be a monster, you don''t want to be Evil." She sighed into my chest, then snuggled into me in a way that distracted me from everything for a little bit. "You will always be the villain in someone''s story, and that has more to do with who they are than who you are. You are a monster not because of who you are as a person, but," she paused, drew a breath. I apologize, my Goddess, "because of what you are. Which you had no choice over, I will remind you."


    "I choose what I do with it."


    I lost all sense of time as she drew my mouth down to hers, devouring my mouth with sudden passion that would have confused me had I given the slightest shit about ''why'' in that moment. When she pulled away gasping for breath, her face flushed, a beatific smile on her face, she said, "and that is why you are not, and never will be, Evil, my love. You make mistakes, but you''ve shown the world that not only is that not exclusive to Mortals, but that the Divine can, in fact, apologize and do better."


    I snorted. "When the fuck have I ever done that?"


    She grinned up at me. "Alphabetically, categorically, or in order of importance?"


    "Most recently."


    She leaned in and, when I brought my ear around so she could whisper, took my earlobe between her teeth and nibbled on it while my attention just refused to span anything wider than Planck length. As I drifted in a pleasantly confused haze after that, she whispered, "just yesterday you waxed wroth with me for doing my duty as your High Priestess, Imperator, and most of all wife, and prepared to vent your wrath upon me."


    "I''m sorry," I interrupted.


    She shut me up by nipping at my earlobe. "None of that. You have apologized and made ever more full amends, because when confronted with your wrath''s inappropriateness, you could have chosen to smite me, but instead, you chose to be a..." At this point the Saffron still overseeing my stress testing in the Love Shack spoke in unison with the one in my lap, albeit instead of whispering she screamed it so loud I could hear her clearly even with my ears completely covered like they were, "Good Girl."


    I''d like to say that ended my whole ''am I a bad person'' spiral, but honestly I think that happened right after, when I demonstrated my ability to Smite both Saffrons and the Marie with us in the Love Shack simultaneously. I don''t want to be Evil, but let''s face it, I''ve pointed out more than once that my Moral Compass does not, in fact, point to ''Good'' and ''Evil''. Everything got a lot quieter in both locations after that.


    That beatific smile had returned to Saffron''s face, and after brushing her lips across mine, she leaned back in my arms, just staring into my eyes. I felt a little bit guilty about surprising her with a Smite, so I said, "uh, saved another ten Trolls today. That makes, uh, twenty five out there on patrol tonight. By this time next week we should be in Calverton." She didn''t reply, she just stared at me. "Did you want to do something tonight?" She nodded without ever breaking eye contact, still smiling. "Stargazing?" She shook her head, still gazing into my eyes so raptly I''m pretty sure she could see the hamster running for all it was worth to keep that wheel spinning. "Uh, I''m down for going home and maybe, uh, shenanigans?" I asked hopefully. She just shrugged, still not looking away. By now I''d gotten just the tiniest bit absolutely flustered, and I might have been a little whiny when I asked, "So...what do you want to do tonight?"


    Her smile got just the tiniest bit wider, and without ever looking away she breathed, "I''m already doing it."

 Day Three Hundred And Forty-One

    Dear Diary,


    It''s so weird that for the past couple days, I''ve been fighting just a little more each day, but I''m actually getting calmer, more focused and, I dunno, ''serene'' doesn''t quite work, because I''m me, but something like that, because I''m not getting pissed off in the slightest, even when one of the Undead Trolls manages to surprise me and tag me with their polearms.


    Maybe I''d get pissier if they managed to get close enough for that miasma aura to get to me, or if they actually laid claws on me. But so far the best any of them have done is manage to look like part of the crap on the bottom of the bay long enough to get within polearm reach. Worst case, they kill one of me, which I''ve come to realize despawns that one, so I don''t even have to worry about some kind of evil anti-me spawning. Okay, maybe if the miasma or aura or whatever did the killing, but not from just getting stabbed in the brainpan with a polearm. Yes, that is a very specific example and no, I don''t wanna talk about it, because I was absolutely distracted at that moment, which is kind of embarrassing.


    I think it''s a sign of personal growth that I''m not embarrassed about what specifically distracted me, but the fact that I failed to maintain my focus on the job at hand. I mean, the job at hand in the bay, my hands didn''t really have a specific job in the Love Shack, because apparently they tend to wander when left to their own devices, so Saffron and Marie have taken turns alternately holding them down or just, y''know, holding them. The latter is pretty distracting, because we just haven''t had all that much time to do that. Given everything else they''d come up with to distract me, and Saffron had definitely gotten creative over the past few days, the fact that ''hand holding'' is so high on the list has got to mean something. Then again, it''s even more distracting when they keep my wrists from moving. Holding hands my hands aren''t really moving, per se, but they''re doing something. When they hold my wrists my hands are just... there. Forced to inactivity. I think forced inactivity might be my own personal Hell.


    I''m not sure if I like this kind of fighting though. I mean, so long as I maintain my focus I''m winning, and not even ''just barely'', or anything short of ''dominating everything I come across''. I''ve got around a dozen of me in motion ahead of the fleet at any given moment, scanning the bottom, occasionally spinning my sword staff through some tangled shit on the bottom that looks like it might be hiding a Troll or something big enough to threaten a human sized person. I can''t do each and every one of those clumps, which is why the fleet is advancing with those fishing nets out, and the Jotnar fishermen are still panning for Trolls, but honestly even that feels like a big accomplishment for me. Ever since the Walls, I''ve had this feeling like if I don''t take care of everything, someone I care about will wind up paying the price for my failure. Here in the Bay I''m definitely the tip of the spear, and I''m good with that, what with having soaked one lethal shot already with nothing damaged but my pride, but I''m not the only person doing the job. The Trolls, the Jotnar, the Jarls, the Heroes, hell even the Thralls and Soldiers and Levies and Volunteers are each doing their part, although most of the Volunteers are really just guarding the supply boats. None of them are as tough or dangerous as I am, but that''s okay. They don''t have to be to get their part of the job done, and that''s the important thing; that the job gets done.


    So right now we''ve got twenty five recovered Trolls, and we''ve had to put down another forty. According to Furtim, that leaves another thirty five of their Centuria unaccounted for. Of course, I did not like the conversation we had at watch change right after sun up.


    "Centurion, I''m a little concerned that whatever is waiting for us will know we''re coming."


    Furtim''s response came after a pause, almost as if they didn''t want to upset me. "No point in concern."


    "Why?"


    "They know." They stated it with such utter certainty I could only stare for a bit.


    "How?"


    "Scouts. First duty to report back. Remainder are to delay us."


    While my ''I have a bad feeling'' feeling got deeper, I''d pretty much walled it off in a part of my brain I wasn''t thinking about at the moment, and we all know how good I am at not thinking. "If we just rush past, they''re gonna cornhole us, aren''t they?" That just got the slow ''talking to the stupid kid'' nod it deserved. I sighed, worked my neck, and nodded to the stairs leading below decks. "Get some rest. Six days until Calverton, although I''m gonna push fast today, see if we can make it five without letting anything through." They just nodded and followed their Trolls below deck.


    Not long after that, as the fleet got its ass in gear, the me I left aboard ship to talk with the fleet saw a couple ships at the rear sailing away. I stepped back to the deck of one of them and found Admiral Pesce at the wheel. "What''s up, Joseph?"


    He blinked a little, but took my sudden appearance pretty well otherwise. He nodded to the other ships. "We''re all empty, heading back for more cargoes of food. The Imperator suggested instead of having one big fleet going back and forth, we have smaller flotillas leave every few days, so we''ve always got some incoming."


    "Damn. Wish I''d have thought of that."


    He smiled at me. "That''s why she''s the Imperator."


    I couldn''t help it, I laughed at that. "Yeah, you''re right." After a second I said, "aren''t you, y''know, the Admiral? Like, not supposed to be the guy on the steering wheel?"


    He laughed. "You caught me. I''ve always wanted to steer one of these big girls. Since Swanson is acting as Admiral for the fleet proper, I''ll be with a resupply flotilla; I''ll probably swap over to a new ship each time."


    I looked around at the ship, realized that whether he was the actual owner of the ship or not it was, in fact, one of the bigger cargo ships we''d brought along. "Hey, could you do me a little favor when you go past Norfolk?"


    He nodded. "Of course, High Priestess."


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    "I''ve got a pair of gifts for the Imperator waiting at Jarl Karlson''s former Jarldom. I''ll have them brought down to the Bay shore."


    He frowned just a little. "Will you have someone guarding them?"


    I shrugged. "I guess? I''ll ask a couple Thralls to make sure nobody makes off with them, but they''re on the big side."


    "How big?"


    "Thirty foot long, maybe two foot across."


    He might have choked on his spit a little bit. "What are you sending her? Trees?"


    I blushed. "Jotnar femurs."


    His mouth worked, but nothing came out for a bit. Finally, he just nodded. "I''ll see it done then."


    I clapped him on the shoulder, careful not to clap him too hard. "Good man! Thanks!"


    With that I stepped my way back across the fleet to the ship I''d started on. I realized just then that I wasn''t on the ship with Swanson, but the one my Trolls had bivouacked on. I hopped over to the dude manning the wheel and asked, "Hey, you wouldn''t happen to know which ship Admiral Swanson is on, would you?"


    He nodded respectfully and said, "yes, my Queen. He commands from the Od... Loki''s Prize."


    "Thanks! Keep up the good work!" With that I stepped away, skipping from ship to ship until I spotted my bright red tagging on the bow of one of the big sailboats. I stepped to the upper deck at the rear of the ship, but Swanson was neither there nor at the bow. I looked down at the guy on the tiller and called out, "hey, where''s Swanson?"


    Without looking up he called back, "The Admiral is in his cabin."


    I stepped down into his line of sight and said, "thanks! You might wanna look to see who you''re getting snarky with about titles in the future though."


    He nodded, not really repentant, but fuck it, not like I''m huge on titles in any case. "As you say, My Queen."


    I skipped over to the door into the cabin beneath the aft upper deck, only to find Swanson sitting at a big desk covered in paperwork. "What''s up, my dude?"


    He looked up, nodded respectfully, but kept shuffling paper. "My Queen."


    "Funny. I kinda expected you to be topside waiting for a crack at the first Hole Spawn we see?"


    He smiled humorlessly. "Were you not with the fleet, I fully expect I would be needed to deal with any such we come across. As it is, I suspect if we meet more than two, I''ll need to set this work down and take up my sword. But..."


    "But?"


    "Under our former King, prowess in combat counted for more than any other single facet of a man''s performance. Our Queen, however, seems to be more interested in the well being of her warriors. Well, all her people, I should say, although for now I''m focused on those along on this expedition." The whole time he''d spoken with me, he''d kept reading through papers, sometimes taking notes, other times just shuffling them into piles.


    "You don''t sound like you like the job. How''d you get it, anyhow?"


    He shrugged. "It is part of a Jarl''s duties, even if it has been one easily overlooked of late. But as the Queen''s Seneschal, this falls upon me. Especially as she''s made it clear she wants her people taken care of, but is focused on fighting herself."


    My mouth dropped open. "Shit. I totally ought to be doing that, shouldn''t I?"


    "If you were doing this, I would be our first line of defense against Hole Spawn. I prefer this, if it matters."


    I barked out a laugh. "Okay. Fair point. I suck at that kind of thing anyhow; it''s why I pointed the Imperator job at Saffron after the Battle of the Walls. Is there anything I can do to help you, though? Anything you want? That doesn''t, y''know, involve slavery or rape?"


    He thought about his answer a moment. "If I may be so bold?" At my nod, he said, "I suspect you use that latter word differently to how it''s been used in Norfolk, and when we''ve dealt with Calverton it might behoove you to have a discussion about that with Princess Olga. With her in mind, I would also..." he trailed off, then set his papers aside and looked at me. "Could you grant me amnesty before her ascension to the throne?"


    I gave him all the side eye, but asked, "Is this about shit that happened before I took over?" He shook his head, and I continued with, "okay, is it about rape or murder?" Another head shake. "Did you do something to piss her off?"


    He smiled. "A bit. She wanted Svart as Admiral. Which would be her right as Queen, but frankly while Svart is an excellent craftsman and a formidable warrior, he''s not exactly the best in Norfolk when it comes to managing supplies."


    "How do you know that? Wasn''t he Gregor''s quartermaster?"


    Swanson nodded. "He was. Because he was and is a better warrior than I, and that''s all Gregor cared about. But I know he''s not because I am. But me insisting on taking on this task as Queen''s Seneschal did not sit well with her."


    Well, shit. That didn''t sound like anything he ought to be punished for. "Okay, when this shit is over with, I''ll have to make sure you haven''t been, I dunno, sneaking Thralls into your bedroom on the sly or secretly murdering people who pissed you off or, I dunno, eating babies or some shit, but assuming you''re just doing what you told me? If I can''t wring some kind of full pardon out of Olga, at worst I''ll take you along with me when I return to Phileo."


    "Ah..." For the first time today, he looked a little shifty. "About that..."


    I snorted. "Spill it now, and I won''t be pissed about the ''keeping secrets'' part."


    He nodded, took a deep breath, and said, "I brought Cook along with me."


    It took me a second. When I remembered, I growled at him. "I thought I said no more Thralls, Swanson."


    He shook his head. "She''s not a Thrall. You made that clear. I asked her to come. She did."


    "And when you asked her to fuck you?"


    He frowned at me. "I didn''t. She did. I have tried to follow your wishes, My Queen, but I am a man, with a man''s needs."


    I sucked my teeth a bit. "Well, shit. I know all about needs. But the Thrall whose job used to be hauling your ashes continuing to haul them after she''s ''free'' is really sus, Swanson."


    He nodded. "I had hoped if you bring me with you to Phileo, she could come along."


    I shook my head, but said, "when this is all over, she and I are gonna have a conversation in private."


    "And if she tells you I have taken liberties since your ascension, you kill me?"


    "Nope. I just take your limbs off, then I leave you with her and a very sharp knife."


    He smiled. "Well. Per your orders I already gave her one and showed her how to use it, so while I might not enjoy my last moments, at least they will end quickly."


    I smiled back, but without a lot of humor in it. "Well. That''s a good sign, anyway." I took a deep breath, let it out. "Good work on everything else, though. Keep it up, I''ll try to make sure you don''t get roped into Hole Spawn fighting."


    "Thank you, My Queen."


    With that I stepped back to the deck of the ship with my Trolls. As I leaned on the rail next to the bow to watch the fleet advance, the Saffron back in the Love Shack let me breathe long enough to lower her lips to my ear. "I''ve been watching you."


    Suddenly worried my surprise for her had been ruined, I asked, "How long?"


    "Since you entered the Admiral''s cabin."


    "Oh. And?"


    She rose back to kneel next to me, her fingers toying with my ears. Through a haze of not giving a shit about anything else in the multiverse, I heard her say, "had you heard him say that the night you brought Hilde home, you wouldn''t have listened to his explanation, let alone leave him alive long enough to finish his work."


    "Oh." She seemed to be expecting more of a reply, so I cudgeled my brain until it came up with, "is that good?"


    She giggled. "Oh, my love, you have indeed been a Very. Good. Girl." With that she went back to suffocating me in the best way possible.


    Y''know, I''d say something about not knowing I had such a Praise Kink, but let''s face it, I''ve been looking to collect the whole set, and this one is way better than most of the ones tucked away in my noggin.

 Day Three Hundred And Forty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    I can''t tell if not really caring enough about the Trolls I''ve been fighting is a huge terrible sign that I''ve become inured to the violence in the here and now, or if I''ve gotten past the need to talk about every minor victory I have in a given day.


    Maybe it''s because they''re so minor that I can''t even consider them victories. Like, where is the Glory in defeating someone who is orders of magnitude weaker, slower, and above all more fragile than I am? Oh, look, I''ve defeated an Undead Troll with a spell designed to straight up execute Undead. Yippee. Go me. Seriously, it''s not a fight, it''s an extermination, maybe an inoculation if it''s one of the Trolls who aren''t fully converted yet. This isn''t a running battle, it''s just... a job. I mean, if anything it''s the kind of job I was made for, and I''m not talking post-Isekai monster in a pretty dress me, although even there it''s pretty much right up my alley. But I get to run around, look at new places, kick the shit out of people in a completely justified way, and even help people. What''s not to love?


    I mean, yeah, I shouldn''t love kicking the shit out of people. Maybe. Really, if you think about it, though, there have always been people who are into shit dickery and won''t stop until somebody feeds them their teeth. Sometimes it''s because they don''t know any better, and when somebody smacks them hard enough to open their eyes, they learn. Like, y''know, Larry. Hell, Rider and Rosen pretty much stopped being more than Larry''s defense against self-incrimination and destruction once I stomped them in the sparring ring. So I guess there''s a need for shit-kickery as a kind of social W-D Forty? It''s not exactly ''social lubricant'' in the same way booze is, but it''s definitely something to break somebody''s unfortunate preconceptions loose and let them see reality as it is rather than as they want it to be. Of course, that leaves the question of folks whose misconceptions are more durable than their bodies. Do I feel guilty over those, or do I just consider them the cost of keeping my loved ones safe from inadvertent prejudice based misadventure? My gut tells me I should just say ''if they wanted a functioning spleen, they shouldn''t have been so stubborn about being assholes''. Unfortunately, my gut is linked directly to Mimic, who would splatter someone over the landscape for being inconvenient, so I''m not sure I can trust it.


    On the other hand, the whole ''inured to violence'' thing is something where my gut tells me it ought to be concerning. Maybe Mimic really enjoys violence, and doesn''t want to get jaded to it. Maybe she''s dark as fuck and gets off not on the violence, but on the pain and terror when I take some poor bastard apart. At least that''s not happening with the poor Trolls. I mean, not much. A few seconds of agony as the Smite burns away anything Undead, but no time for any real fear, not that the Trolls seem to be big on that anyhow. They seem really sanguine about whatever happens so long as they''ve got orders to follow. I like that word, sanguine. Really fits them, too. Calmly positive and bloody. Sad they''re more greenish than reddish. But even still, I like ''sanguine'' way better than ''cold blooded'' for them.


    I tagged along behind a couple of them for a bit last night and watched them fight. They''re not hyper wacky violent like I am when I''m in full on berserk mode, but they''re also not nearly as mechanical as I thought they''d be. It''s like Marie in a way; when they''re in formation, or standing guard or some shit like that, they''re like she is when she''s in Maid Mode. Rigid, stiff in more than just a physical way. But in a fight it''s like they come alive. The constant tension they hold themselves under melts away, and they''re fluid in a way I''ve only seen from her. There are differences, of course. When I''ve watched her fight, it''s constant motion except in the infinitesimal moments as she''s tensing to pounce. The Trolls, at least in the water, are more slow, almost motionless motion, if that make sense, until they lunge forward in a flurry of violence. But the parallels are definitely there.


    Of course now I''ve got that thought in the back of my head, wondering if they''d be as terrifyingly erotic in control in the bedroom, or adorably delectable when they''re the ones submitting. No. Bad Tabitha. Stop perpetuating HR nightmares. You''re the Legate, you can''t be getting a leg over your Legionnaires. Even if they were just as eager to be your concubine as Marie was when she and Saffron and I first sat down and talked things out. Even if they give you puppy dog eyes and say please and... fuck, nobody clue them into that shit, because I''m really not in any emotional way copacetic with expanding our little... harem? Polycule? Family? Fuck fest nine thousand? Whatever it is, the immigrant part of me feels guilty enough about wanting it to keep me from Just Happening on a nightly basis just for shits and giggles, despite the Mimic part wanting to taste test every flavor in the Ultimate Sampler Pack. Okay, I can''t say I won''t do anything of the sort, because let''s face it, I''m me. Even I don''t know what the fuck I will and won''t do. I''ve got some things I really try not to do, and apologize for and try to make right if I do them, but other than those? Like, any given thing that doesn''t register as ''blatantly immoral''? If it makes me giggle at the time, I''m probably doing that shit. I''m just really hoping that at no point does Saffron or Marie look at me and a Troll and start having ''how would that work'' thoughts, because I''m already committed to a date that I really wasn''t feeling entirely copacetic about, and I sure as hell don''t need, like, a full dance card lined up and shit.


    Also, doing anything with my Trolls would be, y''know, unprofessional as fuck while we''re out here in the field. That''d be like, trying to bang Marie on top of her cart while she was delivering dinners or, I dunno, right in the Dining Hall and fuck now Mimic has latched onto that shit. Wait! No! I just figured it out! It''s not anything about being inured to violence or getting bored with my job here! It''s about being a professional! I dunno how I just figured that out, or how it took me so long to do so now that I have, but basically I''m treating this whole thing like a job, and I''m being professional about this shit. I''m not screwing around ''entertaining myself'' with the fights. I''m not deviating wildly from the search pattern, or doing any of the other million dumb things I normally would. I''m, like, being a Professional Undead Smiter and shit.


    Wait. No. I can''t be a Professional, yet.


    Kitten?


    Yes?


    Pay me!


    Despite not being able to see her face, I suddenly knew that at least one Saffron had to be blinking in confusion. Excuse me?


    I wanna be all Professional Undead Smiter, but Professionals get paid, and as far as I know, this is all pro bono community service shit, which means I''m a Volunteer or a Hobbyist, not a Professional. So, pay me!


    Saffron released my wrists as Marie''s fingers interlaced with mine. Just so I understand, you want to be paid for hunting the Undead in Calverton?


    I mean, not just Calverton. Right now I''m hunting them in the Bay. But... yeah? Is that so bad?


    Her weight shifted as she sighed. I suppose not. But you realize our budget is fairly stretched as it is?


    Oh, I don''t give a shit how much. I''m cheap. Heh, ''Tabitha Diaz, Undead Exterminator Extraordinaire, I''m close, I''m cheap, and there''s never too many''.


    You''re close, you say? Something in the Love Shack clinked as Saffron''s weight shifted.


    I mean, yeah, I''m right here in the Bay. I found another Troll at that point and Smited it, hard. I held a Heal in reserve, but it dispersed into a murky cloud of dust, with no Troll remaining to heal. Damn.


    Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.


    What''s wrong?


    I found one. Fully Undead, couldn''t save them.


    Would paying you help you save more of them?


    Oh, hell no! I mean, I don''t think so, unless there''s some mystical mercenary woo that kicks in that I don''t know about yet. But it might make me feel a little better about the ones I don''t save. Maybe. So, um, please?


    She leaned forward, one arm pressing against my side. I''m working on that as we speak. But for the moment, why would it make you feel better?


    I hadn''t thought about it before I spoke, so I took a second, then thought, If I''m a paid professional doing the best job I can, I don''t feel guilty when I screw up. I''m doing my job, doing my part, and that''s what I''m supposed to be doing. If I''m not being paid, I''m some kind of crusader, and nothing I do short of perfection will ever be good enough.


    A cold circle of metal pressed against my belly just below my navel. So, I remember you mentioning you''re close? Another cold circle right on my belly button. So, how close? A third in line with the other two. Marie? A fourth circle just a bit further up my midline, and Marie clutched my hands, reminding me there were, in fact, other things I''d hovered no further than close to for the past thirty six hours.


    Oh. Uh...


    Another circle right at the base of my sternum. Your pay is whatever doesn''t fall off before it''s time for you to come home and sleep tonight.


    Oh, you sadistic bitch.


    A final coin slipped in right at the base of my cleavage. Was that complaint about your pay, the delivery method, or perhaps your working conditions?


    Complaint? Who''s complaining? I was complimenting my awesome wife!


    A Saffron appeared in my arms aboard the supply ship I''d taken to keeping one of myself on. "So sweet," she breathed in my ear. "Just this once, you get a countdown. Three. Two. One." Marie?


    The countdown definitely made it harder to keep those damn coins from sliding off. Holding absolutely still like that is way harder than it looks. I think I remember the DIs doing that when one of the wannabe ROTC kids back at Eastside decided he was supposed to be in charge, even though he''d just started and there were kids who''d been in the class for two years at that point. Like, not lying them down naked, putting a line of coins down their belly, and then seeing how many they could keep on while going off. But he pulled out two Benjamins, had the kid hold his hands palm up to the sides, and told him he could have both if he kept them from falling off without moving until the end of class.


    He made it to about the fifteen minute mark, then he had to go to the nurse.


    "Hey Kitten?" I murmured into Saffron''s hair, reveling in the mix of the salty blood smell of the sea mixed with her hair.


    "Yes, Goof?" she replied quietly.


    I put my arms around her, lifted her, and shifted us both over to a more comfortable spot. "Can you stay with me today? Like, just to sit here? I don''t need you really doing anything. Just... be my woobie?"


    "Woobie?"


    "Uh, someone to cling to? To hold? To snuggle?"


    I swear I felt the smile stretch across her face looking down at the top of her head. "Of course, love. I will be your woobie any time you need me."


    "Even if it''s more a want than a need?"


    She huffed out a fake aggravated sigh. "Fine, then. I will be your woobie, now and forevermore, say the word and I will be there in your arms."


    "Yay!" I whisper-shouted, not wanting to disturb the Trolls sleeping below decks, or the sailors doing all the sailory shit to keep us in our place in the fleet. I wrapped my arms tighter around her and then just lay there, reveling in the feel of her lying on top of me. At some point she''d twisted her hair into a single long braid, and now and again she''d reach up with the tip of it and brush it across my neck. Kind of weird that had more of an impact on my patrolling than ongoing shenanigans back in Phileo.


    I pondered that for a while, and some time as the lowering sun painted the sky in a rainbow of colors, I asked, "is doing this gonna make me get bored with, y''know, sex? Because that would, in a word, suck."


    "Goof?"


    "Yes."


    "You are my favorite goofball." It had been a while since she mashed the seven syllable sing-song endorphin button in my brain, and before I really recovered, she quietly intoned, "Three. Two. One." Marie? I think I lost a couple coins. Hard to tell, what with every inch of me being sweat soaked for most of the day, and my ears ringing with the results of Murder Mittens going ham. Long before I had any kind of coherence, Saffron asked, "so, was that boring?"


    "No?" I blinked a bit. "Wait, if I say ''yes'', will you do it again harder?"


    She giggled at me. "Did you stop patrolling?"


    I surprised myself when I honestly answered, "No? Wow. No. I mean, I''d even say ''I''m not sure how well I''m patrolling'', but..." One of me stepped onto the deck about halfway down the ship, dropping a skinny, beat up, but live Troll onto the deck. Well, not so much ''dropping'' as sliding them off my shoulder, then holding their forearm as they settled onto their ass, then slumped over onto the deck to lie there breathing and not doing much else, next to a row of other Trolls I''d collected through the day. "I guess I can keep up the patrolling even, y''know, while Marie''s in full on maximum distraction mode?"


    "It appears so, love."


    Her ambivalence irked me for some reason. "Appears so? You''re not sure?"


    She hummed a little smug hum, then said, "sorry. My wife was distracting me."


    "Huh?" It took me a second. "Oh!" Then I felt all kind of smug myself and just snuggled her into me while the other me dove overboard and went back to patrolling. "Wait, are you trying to teach me how to do Marie''s multitasking thing?"


    She wriggled into me, making the snuggle even snugglier. "That is one possible outcome, although frankly I suspect it''s not possible."


    "So... why are you trying to do it to me again?"


    She relaxed into me and breathed out, "three, two, one," Marie? When I could think with my brain again, she giggled and said, "oh, did you mean why am I trying to train you to multitask in a Deific manner? Because it''s impossible to heal Soul injuries. It''s impossible to harm Deities. I thought perhaps you''d do the impossible yet again."


    "So... am I?"


    She sighed. "I''m honestly not sure, love. It''s possible, but there are other possibilities."


    "Such as?"


    "Skills which fuck-face Franklin''s Inspect can''t detect." It still surprised me how vehemently she hated poor old Ben. Then again, given how badly betrayed by him she felt, I guess it shouldn''t. Right around then, Furtim led the Trolls out from below decks. They each saluted us in passing, then leapt off the side to start patrolling. Before Furtim left, he stopped by the recovering Trolls, who all shoved themselves to their feet and crawled down the stairs to the cargo hold. Once we lay there, more or less alone on the deck, Saffron whispered, "you know, love. You don''t need to fib about it being boring."


    "Uh..."


    "To get us to do it harder."


    She had my sudden complete attention. "So, uh, what do I have to do?"


    "Just say the word, Goof. You know we both love to indulge you, even if it will ruin my carefully planned out testing."


    I snapped my mouth shut on what I''d been about to say. "Will it really ruin your work?"


    A Grin clear in her voice, she said, "no, silly. But it''s precious that you would stop just for that." She rolled over and lay face down atop me, looking up into my eyes. "So, what do you say?"


    "Harder?" They did. "Harder?" Apparently Marie had previously been going for uniformity of results or some shit, because she''d had at least two gears left to shift into. "Harder." Make that three. Then the faint ringing of metal striking metal clued me in to something. "Fuck!"


    Saffron tittered where she lay atop me. "Oh, love, I thought we were doing that already?" I stuck my tongue out at her. "What''s wrong?"


    "I dropped all my fuckin'' coins. Now I''m just an amateur Undead Hunter."


    She snickered and booped my nose. "You underestimate me, love. Back to the library with you. All of you." Ever the obedient Attack Dog, I collapsed into the me there, and Saffron shifted my head so I could see down my front. Then she reached down and carefully lifted the sweat-sticky, blood warm, slightly verdigris colored copper coin lodged between my breasts. "See, love? You are, in fact, a Professional Undead Hunter."


    I looked at the coin, clacked my teeth together, and watched her eyebrow go up as she lowered it down until I snatched it from her fingers with my incisors. It rose further when I tossed my head impatiently. The moment her thigh touched my ear, I Co-Located us all up to our bedroom lying spooned up. I reached up, took the coin from my teeth, and placed it on the end table. "Marie? Could you bring Menace in, if it won''t wake her?"


    A moment later, a Marie settled Menace in as smallest spoon, then threw a single sheet over all of us and tucked us in.


    Down in the Love Shack, I thought, now it''s my turn for an experiment.


    Really, love? And what would that b...


    HARDER.


    Many repetitions of that single word later, I''d learned two very important things. Well, important to me, anyhow. First, that whole ''passing out collapses that duplicate into the others'' is in fact replicable. Replicated it two times, in fact, although the second one was me, not Marie. And far more surprising, Marie has way more gears than I have Endurance.


    My chicks bad, badder than yours.

 Day Three Hundred And Forty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    Okay, if today was the result of me even tangentially pondering my ability to do something other than Choose Violence, I''m gonna go find the anthropomorphic personifications of Fate and Choose to visit some really creative and deliberately unpleasant forms of Violence on them.


    Seriously. I''m trying to learn and grow as a person here. Maybe reconcile the kinda shitty deal that I am in fact the first and only person with the will and ability to stand up to the constant waves of bullshit flowing toward humanity and say ''no, this will not stand'' with my own belief, learned from watching preachy Kid''s Shows, that violence is Always Wrong. Which objectively I know is utter bullshit, but try telling that to my inner moppet who wants fuckin'' Elmo to be proud of me and shit. I''m well aware that any pride the red horror had for me disappeared, probably some time around yeeting my supposed virtue out the window to steal the beta key for a closed beta from some nerd whose name I don''t even remember. Fuck, I don''t even remember the name of the fuckin'' game at this point. It just wasn''t that memorable, not unlike my first internally close encounter with a penis-haver.


    Oh. Fuck. I think I just leveled up my adulting. I was thinking just now how so many of my intimate interactions back at Eastside were, at the very best, satisfactorily conclusive. Then I thought about Saffron and I falling to aggressively awesome antics last night and my brain spontaneously connected it to one of those after school special neo-Puritan preachy crappy movies, one where the ''moral'' was ''sex is for sharing with someone you love deeply, after marriage''. Which, if you just base shit on ''quality of resolution'', my shit has gotten way better since finding someone I''m genuinely in love with. Someones, even. Post nuptial nookie has, in fact, not suffered in the slightest from the whole ''oh, we can have it any time we want it, so why bother'', although that might be because of my whole ''well, I want it right now'' thing I''ve got going on. Which, just for transparency''s sake, hasn''t gotten any less insistent since I got my super athletic new body or got in tune with my inner ravenous tentacle beast. Okay, I know I''ve said this before, but that is definitely the title of my leaked porn tape. ''Leaked''. ''Who leaked it?'' ''No idea, says here somebody with the initials TD.''


    So yeah, I just realized that there are times when my personal experience is going to agree with some asshole whose position is antithetical to my own. Which is maybe why older people seem a little jaded to younger people, because they get how somebody could wind up with their head up their own ass. I mean, I''ve never really been an altruist, but I totally got where they''re coming from. Admired them a little bit even. Like, they think the world should be a certain way, and they''re gonna make it fuckin'' so. But with that one realization, I get where somebody could get kinda creeped out about someone that stupid stubborn, especially if they''ve never experienced anything to the contrary.


    Shit, I don''t know if I should adjust my outlook based on this or not. I mean, fuck, based on my own personal experience I should tell Menace to wait until marriage, or at least until she meets somebody who cares enough about her to, y''know, make sure everybody involved goes ping before they go to sleep. Or at least somebody who has enough self respect and skills to make sure she gets off before they call it a night. Fuck, my brain has now reminded me how much I got all skeeved by the dads who would hire a professional for their sons'' first time, but fuck on a stick, at least with a professional you can take them for a test drive, then rent them for your kid once you''re sure they''re worth the price of admission. Shit, I''m actually considering having a conversation with Cherry and Maurice around about Menace''s thirteenth birthday, just to make sure she doesn''t go doing my flavor of dumb shit. Hell, Saffron''s flavor of dumb shit wasn''t much better than mine. I don''t think. Fuck.


    Kitten?


    Yes, love?


    Isnomi''s dad. Was that your first time?


    In point of fact yes.


    Was he any good?


    Are you seeking to compare yourself to my past lovers now? Since there is, in fact, only the one?


    Oh. No. My first time sucked, I wondered if yours did too.


    Damn. I was hoping to inflate your ego a little.


    I chuckled. Not worried I''d engage in some childish counter-inflation?


    Even mentally I could tell the Grin had come out to play. Oh, love. I thought you''d remembered that your mouth cannot become nor make someone pregnant.


    I mean, I could just, y''know, blow you up like a balloon.


    To forestall any arguments regarding your diaphragm strength relative to my Kegels, I haven''t let you inhale since some time just after dawn, so I''m not terribly afraid of that.


    Spoilsport.


    You love it.


    I do. Thanks, Kitten.


    Any time, Goof.


    So according to Furtim, we''re not likely to see any more Trolls, at least from their Centuria. When I took over from them this morning, I hopped the two of us over to chat wth Swanson. "Hey, Seneschal Mine, how goes?"


    "Mostly down the Army''s gullets."


    I frowned, as serious as I ever got. "Are we having food issues?"


    He shrugged. "If ''Admiral'' Pesce returns within four more days, we''ll be fine."


    "He''s a solid guy, ran our supplies all through the war with New Amsterdam. Even if I did give him the title to make sure he could steamroll any interference, he''s earned it. So we only have four days of food?"


    "No. Closer to eight, depending on how many more Trolls we add to our force."


    That reminded me. "Oh, Furtim says we won''t be getting any more from his Centuria. All but like ten of his Legionnaires are accounted for, and those probably lit out when they saw us to let the rest of the Undead know we''re on the way."


    "Or they''re waiting for an opening in our line in order to spread their curse behind our lines."


    Furtim gestured at me, and I translated. "If they''re that coherent and they''re not on our side, they''re fully converted, and won''t be rejoining us. So your food bills ought to stay static."


    Stolen novel; please report.


    "Unless we take casualties."


    "That''s why we''re gonna take this slow, to make sure we see any ambushes before they happen and kill off our troops." Furtim gestured. "Oh, I think he''s got a point; they got ambushed by Hole Spawn, and that means we shouldn''t see too much before we hit the Hole; that should be a day or two before we get to Calverton."


    Swanson nodded. "That make sense, although you''re correct, we need to clear everything to make sure we''re not ambushed, nor that our Thralls... er... non-combatants? Are attacked while most of our fighters are in Calverton."


    I thought about it for a second. "Can we speed things up enough to get to the Hole a day early? So we have a day before the final push?"


    He shuffled a few papers, read some things. "I don''t see why not, assuming our spearhead can advance faster?"


    I grinned at him. "You got it, Admiral."


    Each of me in the water Co-Located into two, and I redoubled my clearing efforts. At first I thought it weird that the fleet dropped some sails rather than adding some, but when I asked the dude steering my Troll boat, he told me they''d been using the sails more for station keeping than propulsion. I might have felt some kinda way about that and wound up Co-Locating again to get forty eight of me zigzagging through the Bay at breakneck speeds, counting on the overlap of my search pattern rather than low speed to spot anything.


    I realized my error when one of me straight up disappeared in a blinding wave of darkness and pain. Literally on that former; the last thing I saw was nothing, which was incredibly weird. Kitten? Slide back like half an inch? I opened my eyes after she shifted and confirmed that yes, if someone literally covered my eyes, I saw nothing but darkness.


    Yeah, I could have just covered my eyes or some shit, but where''s the fun in that?


    Of course a dozen of me Translocated to that spot to see what I''d initially taken to be a log swimming back toward the seabed. Baybed? The bottom, where the muck and plants lived. All of me took turns swimming in and past, slashing at the thing with my swordstaves, Mana Blades extended. This did not, unfortunately, turn what looked like catfish big enough to have eaten me in a single fuckin'' bite into sashimi. It thrashed a little, and I''d put little grill marks across its skin, but nothing more damaging than a shitty tattoo.


    Still a little pissed about the whole ''ate me painfully'' thing, not to mention getting a tiny bit of a feedback headache, I dropped the Mana Blades and made closer passes at the thing, careful to come in from its rear quarters to avoid that big fuckin'' mouth that kept snapping at me. Unfortunately, that just pissed it off more, because despite my speed, I couldn''t get a proper swing in underwater, or its scales were a lot more durable than they ought to be. I closed from all sides, keeping one of me at each cardinal point in case it tried to run. Bracing my feet against the bottom, grabbing at its fins, getting leverage however I could, I shoved the blades of my swordstaves through the thing''s hide painfully slowly. Eventually one of the blades finally got through the skin, sinking in until my hand slammed into its scaly hide.


    It convulsed, and the four of me watching in the distance saw its previously undisclosed wings unfold and engulf two of me on each side, slamming them forward and into the spines sticking out through its fins. Each of the other four of me was slammed into the silt at the bottom by a short, heavy claw extending from underneath it''s body. Leaving the poisoned mes stabbing at it with sword staves split to double my stabbing power, since the fucking thing had decided to keep me pinned on its spines, and the venom burning its way into me was not something I wanted to bring back to healthy mes, I collapsed all four of the silt-stomped mes into the me to the north.


    At which point it turned to that me and, without ever letting up the pressure pumping poison into the four of me still stabbing at it, opened its mouth and spewed a cloud of rotting acidic gunk at me. That me backed up and, after a moment, as my vision faded, collapsed into the me to the east. It turned the cone of gunk toward that me, but at that point I said, "fuck this noise" and Translocated that me home to the office. Saffron looked up from her coding desk, but I just shook my head. "Just need a quick bit of help from our son."


    Before it could do anything else, I collapsed the me to the south to the me to the west, getting its attention while backing away and toward the surface. After like thirty seconds, it ran out of shit to spew and just chased me, mouth open. The four of me stuck to its spines were fading fast, so I prepped a Stabilize as I ran, collapsed them into me, and hit myself with it. Never thought all that fucking around using Stabilize as a marital aid would have a practical use, but here we are. I also didn''t think I''d be losing fucking ground to a goddamned catfish of all things, but as I got close to the shore I realized that the shoreline did not, in fact represent safety. Yeah, if I angled back toward our boats Skasn would be there with his big trash spikes, but this thing hadn''t been exactly slow, and I didn''t want to see what happened if it spewed that shit all over Jotnar Grandpa.


    Thankfully, right about then the me back in our room was ready, and I shot to the surface. The big assed Dragon catfish followed. I turned, slowed, and growled out, "smile, you son of a bitch." Then the me in the office Translocated above it, and I collapsed the me in front of it into that one. It leapt into the air, mouth open, looking to do unto that me as it had done unto the first me.


    That''s when I shot it point blank in the mouth with Vulcan.


    I''m not sure exactly how he managed it, but I swear immediately after impact the thing expanded like a puffer fish. It also shot backwards, although how much of that was the impact of Vulcan''s bolt and how much was it spewing innards out not just through its mouth, but through its eyes as well. So before I could react I found myself falling through a fountain of rotting, awful smelling gore. Even better, I think some of it was burning despite everything being drenched.


    Oh, god. Kitten, could you come help? WAIT! NO! Don''t!


    Her worry washed over me. What''s wrong?


    Fuckin'' Dragon Catfish. Wait. Oh, shit, I think this is a fuckin'' Hole Spawn. Right about then I slammed into the water, which incidentally put The Dress'' boots'' spike heels right through the thing''s skull. I decided that was enough of a connection and Translocated me and the thing to where I figured Skasn would be.


    Be careful! Stand off and shoot it with Vulcan, do not attempt to feed yourself to it!


    Already done, Kitten. I''m not in danger of anything except never being allowed indoors again. I looked up to Skasn and called out, "Hey, is this thing a Hole Spawn, or what?" He turned to face me, and his immediate reaction of plunging his ski pole through it confirmed my guess. It also squished more gunk onto me. "Thanks! I''m gonna go patrol more."


    Why do you need help again?


    Our son has moved on to spraying me with the world''s most disgusting money shot.


    Can''t you just collapse back to a clean you?


    I can, but he''ll still be coated in this crap. Fuck it, he deserves it. I collapsed back into the me on the deck, only to find that somehow the filth coating me managed, somehow, to fucking follow me. This isn''t fucking fair! I hate fucking Hole Spawn!


    That... seems to be the general consensus, love. I''ll see what I can do, but it might take me a bit.


    I spent the rest of the afternoon Co-Located into sixteen of me, zig zagging through the water, trying not to vomit too much. When sunset hit, I stepped back to the water just off the prow of my Troll boat. The Trolls gave me a wide berth as they headed out to patrol. Meanwhile Marie appeared on the deck, holding one hand out beside the boat. I stepped up and grabbed her hand; a moment later I landed in the suite bathtub at Lancaster House, which already had been filled with steaming water reeking of Marie''s honey-spice soap. Saffron and Marie both stood armed with brushes. I lay Vulcan down in the water, because if an afternoon in the Bay hadn''t dissolved him, a little bathwater wouldn''t, then reached for Saffron whining, "I need a hug."


    "SIT!"


    My ass hit the floor of the tub before I realized what I was doing. Luckily, I missed landing on Vulcan. Unluckily, the tub was enameled steel, not unlike a the ones back in the world of Eastside. "Ow."


    "STAY!"


    I didn''t move, but I sure as shit pouted as the two of them advanced on me, Saffron playing squire to Marie, who assaulted me with long handled brushes. Instead I just whined some more.


    If you really want to know how bad the reek was, after the whole day stinking, as I sat there obediently letting Marie scrub me down, when Saffron took pity on me and crooned out, "My Goof Is Such A Good Girl," pressing my after market add on Mood Improvement Button, I couldn''t help my response.


    I started sobbing. "Not. Worth."

 Day Three Hundred And Forty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    Reminder to self: when you surround yourself with people who are good at what they do and treat them right, you''ll be surprised how often they pull you out of the shit when you faceplant in it.


    Like, I''m sure I would have fucked up with Menace by now, and I still feel guilty for spending so much time away from her, but Marie was literally made to be a mom. Among other things, and now I''m somewhere between no longer worried about Menace''s First Time and D giving me uber squick now that I think about him being raised by the Maenads who, once he''s anything like grown, are going to wind up running a train on him if they''re allowed to. Shit, now I wanna know how old he has to be before they start. Also if it happened, like, the first time, or only the times since then, since they kinda implied that it''s happened multiple times. Also, when he''s reborn, I''d like to know if he''s a clean slate who''s been set up for Ultimate Mommy Issues by his former self, or if he''s just, like, an old dude in a baby body, intellectually capable of understanding when he''s ready, willing, and able to start servicing his murderfuck cult.


    Honestly, as long as the Maenads are cool with it, I think I''m gonna go with the same basic answer I gave him when I set the Maenads loose on him. He did it to himself, and until and unless he asks me for help, I''m gonna assume he''s copacetic with the situation as it is. Of course, I still want to sort out Marie''s position on Isnomi''s future antics, what with my ongoing intention to marry her ass. Also the rest of her, but as the wise woman says, where the hot ass goes, the horny woman will follow. Okay, it''s me. I''m the woman, although I totally lied about the ''wise'' part. Especially as I''m now remembering that I can, in fact, ask Marie.


    Marie, sweetheart?


    Her reply came back just the tiniest bit startled. Yes?


    I thought about what I wanted to ask her. Just because she didn''t have to work words past recalcitrant dentition didn''t mean I ought to get sloppy about her time. With the understanding that Saffron and I totally intend to seduce you into saying ''yes'' to marrying us, do you look forward to being Isnomi''s Mom rather than nanny and Godmother?


    Her reply came back as a single word filled with whined need. Yes.


    So, is momming for Isnomi the same as raising D?


    Her reply came back instantly, filled with scandalized shock. NO!


    How''s it different?


    This time she took her time with her reply. When she finally did, I got the feeling she''d savored the question, choosing her word even more carefully than she usually did. Normal.


    Wait, so raising D isn''t normal?


    Duh.


    Even though you do it every time he dies and comes back. I had a sudden burst of brains to the head. How often is that anyway?


    Three.


    Three times. Over how long?


    Again her reply came back slowly, but this time I got no sense of her considering her answer, more trying to figure out something she''d never really thought about before. Ten thousand years?


    Holy shit, you''re ten thousand years old?


    No.


    Oh. Um, how old are you?


    Again I got that pause. Three, maybe four thousand?


    Holy shit. I might have gotten a little light headed. Guess it''s no surprise you''re so good at all that Maid stuff.


    No. Before I could ask she added. Academy.


    Oh. Um, what did you do before that?


    Funny, I got the same impression of a smile that I sometimes got from Saffron, only this one was more nostalgic, although oddly I got no sense of melancholy. Fight. Feast. Fuck.


    I snickered a little. You''ve got a lot more gears beyond what I pushed you to the other day, don''t you?


    Yes. She sounded really smug, but fuck it, with three thousand odd years of experience she probably had reason to be. Also, after fighting for that long, even if she didn''t do it every day, it really explained how she rolled up Ares'' High Priests so fast and decisively. Of course it also made me want to grab all of Calverton by the back of the neck and punch it in the face repeatedly while muttering ''go to sleep go to sleep go to sleep''.


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    So... little bit of an age gap, huh?


    Two.


    I mean, yeah, Saffron''s younger than me by about a year, but Franklin''s Inspect says she''s more mature than me, and for once I think it''s right.


    Mimic.


    That left my gob more than a little smacked. Eventually I replied, how much?


    Billions.


    I literally had no response to that, and eventually just thought, thanks, Marie. I love you.


    Love you, Vlickies.


    So, last night after I''d finished my patrols, Marie took me directly back to Lancaster House and threw me in a bath redolent with honey, spice, and soap. She then proceeded to scrub the living shit out of me with a pair of long handled brushes. The horrifying gunk still sticking to me resisted, refusing to scrape completely off, even after Marie swapped out to new brushes. After a moment''s consideration, Saffron threw the used ones into the fire in the fireplace. A moment later, as the reek seeped into the room, Marie dropped her brushes, leapt to the fireplace, and disappeared. She returned a moment later dusting off her hands.


    "What did you do with them?"


    "Vesuvius."


    Saffron thought about that for a second, then said, "Heracles won''t like that."


    "Sorry."


    Saffron shook her head as she pulled another pair of brushes out of an armoire. "Don''t be. Fuck that guy."


    Marie never stopped scrubbing me, but she turned and raised an eyebrow. "Really?"


    Saffron''s jaw dropped a little. "I... I guess, if you want to." Of course, she couldn''t see Marie''s face, so she didn''t see the impish grin crawl across Marie''s face. Of course, our big catgirl couldn''t keep it up forever; she snickered, only to have Saffron bat her butt with a brush. "You!"


    Of course, that''s when Marie looked at her brushes and made an awful face, then disappeared again. When she returned she had a whole assed cauldron in her hands. It steamed slightly. She frowned and said, "Sorry." then dumped a whole fuckin'' steaming cauldron of spaghetti sauce over my head. Then she scrubbed more with the new brushes. Like ten minutes later the brushes looked like she''d murdered somebody with them, but the stink still clung. She disappeared again.


    A moment later Loki asked, Daughter, does your Maid truly need...


    Yes, whatever she wants, fucking yes, please.


    Okay then.


    A few minutes later she returned, arms loaded with peaches the size of Saffron''s fuckin'' head. Handing most of them over to my Kitten to hold, she proceeded to squash them over my head one at a time, the juice smoking when it hit the gunk on me. She scrubbed and scrubbed until the next set of brushes lit themselves on fire, the stink filling the room again. She disappeared again.


    Five minutes later, I thought, Marie, please come back.


    Soon, love. The way she savored that second word would have filled me with giddy glee at any other time, but right now I felt like a big lump of shit in a tub. Hell, shit would have smelled better.


    Okay, I whimpered.


    Like half an hour later she reappeared with a big assed glass bottle full of something gray. Stepping carefully, she approached the tub and sprinkled gray powder generously over my head, then across the rest of the stinking gunk in the tub with me. All of it steamed, bubbled, and blackened. The worst rotten egg smell I''d ever smelled washed through the room as Marie went to town with a new set of brushes. She started with my hair, then worked her way down, scouring away everything including what felt like a few layers of skin from every bit of me from crown to crotch to the soles of my feet. Eventually, after like half an hour of concentrated scrubbing, she reached out with one of her brushes, which had blackened completely, and flipped open the drain.


    With the rotten egg stinking water draining, she dropped the brushes into the tub, stepped over to the fireplace, and lifted a huge steaming cauldron of water. She stepped up to the edge of the tub in order to dump it right over my head, and as it scalded my skin pink I cried. Not because the outer layers of my skin were sloughing off from mild scalding, but because as the water rinsed the sulfurous smell away, nothing else replaced it. The Hole Spawn stench had finally gone.


    Still dripping wet, I stood as she brought a second cauldron over and dumped it over me. I stepped out of the tub and glomped onto her. "Thank you, Marie."


    "Welcome." she murmured into my hair.


    Saffron joined us a moment later, her arms going around my waist from behind, laying her head against my back. "I worried about you, love."


    "Worried the stink would never come off?"


    She laughed as Marie growled, vibrating every bit of me. "No, love. Worried that you wouldn''t understand that my desire to touch you remained unquenchable. I simply did not wish to make Marie''s job harder."


    "What would you guys have done if she hadn''t found a way to de-stink me?"


    "This." With that word, Marie''s arms wrapped around us, one forearm under each of our butts, and lifted us up eye to eye with her. At least I think we were all eye to eye, because mine slipped closed as she kissed me.


    "Never fear, love. We will never give up on you. Ever. And should your final destination be Tartarus or Niflhel, that too will be ours."


    When Marie let me up for air I asked, "won''t D have something to say about that?"


    As Saffron claimed my mouth, my magnificent Murder Mittens declaimed. "Fuck Him."


    Saffron''s mental voice held more than a little bit of giggling. I''m sure you will, beloved Maenad.


    Marie snickered, and right before she erased all thought from my head by nibbling on my earlobe with her mouth full of fangs, said, "Am."


    With that she carried us both to bed. Beds, really, what with her carrying one set to the suite bedroom, where Menace, her posse, and the horde hoard all sat around doing little kid ready for bed things, another set to our suite bedroom, and another to the Love Shack. The Saffron with us there pulled away from me just far enough to say, "Isn''t this just a bit redundant, beloved Maenad?"


    "No."


    Four thousand years of experience For The Win.

 Day Three Hundred And Forty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    Just when I think I''ve got a handle on how awful the here and now can be, something comes along and shows me I''m still a total awfulness virgin; I just wish Mimic didn''t seem so dead set on being the awfulest thing in existence.


    Like, okay, when I got here I figured Phileo and The Yards were just way too true to life medieval versions of Philly and Camden. Which wasn''t wrong, per se, but then I realized they had ''Gods'' who, from a wealth and power and morality standpoint seem to have looked at billionaires from the world of Eastside and said, ''hold my ambrosia''. So, like you do, I beat the shit out of one in an attempt to secure my place in the pecking order, not to mention marking my family as ''hands off''.


    Then I got shown firsthand that the Gods of here and now aren''t just as rich, powerful, and immoral as those billionaires, they''re also arguably stupider, when one of them decided to pretend my wife was the Wicked Witch of the East and dropped a house sized rock on her. I responded, like you do, by centimating the population of the offending City, killing off eighty percent of their Heroes, killing their ruler, doing the Dread Pirate Roberts'' ''to the pain'' by the numbers on the High Priest of Ares, who took credit for the whole ''drop a house on my wife'' plan, then amputating the ruler''s limbs and Reviving him so he could see what I did to his son. Like you do. Honestly, at that point if I hadn''t already met Loki and kind of adopted him as the dad figure I never had, I might have just started killing off any God I could catch.


    I''ll certainly bring that point up next time one of my peers doubts my contributions to Deific society.


    Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know it already Boss, but you''re the best.


    I know.


    So of course at that point some other Deific fuck shows that he''s been lobbing loogies across the Atlantic at me, and can''t even hit the fuckin'' target, so I wind up having to fight a goddamned plague. Which aren''t as entirely unsusceptible to being punched in the face as you think. I go to help out my new friend Larry with getting the plague out of his house, only to find out that systemic enslavement and rape of women wasn''t the worst thing in the area, but only because that culture had created ''Heroes'' who one upped it from ''casual catch-and-release rape of women who don''t hide behind the others'' to ''hunting down one specific woman and raping her to death to prove a point''. After starting a war by going on a murder-rape rampage through Calverton. After executing them, their Souls, and the Psychopomps sent to collect them, Larry, Marie, and I killed the fuck out of the remaining Priests of Ares, followed by Curing the rest of the Plague victims in the Tri State area, then killing the Plague Gods who started, maintained, and profited from the fucking thing.


    So, I''m recovering from my ''everybody look at my massive tatas'' moment when Big Miss ''if I can''t nom it, what good is it'' smells something bad down Calverton way, and I''m told there are legit Undead in the here and now. Which, honestly, didn''t seem all that bad compared to ''rapist murderers rampaging''. Then Norfolk decided to get in our way, so I go visiting in my most diplomatic fashion, and I find out that in Norfolk, the rapist murders aren''t rampaging, they''ve normalized that shit and are in charge. So of course I... fuck. I wind up showing them that not only do I do murder better than their murderiest murderers, I literally get off on doing so.


    And now... And. Now. AND! NOW! When I''ve finally made some kind of semblance of peace with myself about my darker impulses being as fuckin'' dark as anything else in the here and now, when I''ve spent a chunk of admittedly fun time learning to keep myself calm and in control in the face of violence and horror, life shits on me. Okay, it didn''t literally shit on me, because that would have been preferable. No, my son, who just happens to be both a sapient inanimate object, a Primordial force for Terror, and the biggest Troll in two realities, three if you count M-Space separately, thought it would be funny to spew the innards of a ''Hole Spawn'' all over me. I still have no idea what miracle Marie worked to clean that worse-than-shit off, but I think I''m scarred for life.


    Psychologically, that is. Physically I''ve got enough scars already that for one to be noticeable, it needs to be something pretty impressive. I mean, shit, I can only really remember two of them off the top of my head; the ones on my thigh and calf where a Dragon tried, unsuccessfully, to chomp my leg into Tabitha Mc Nuggets, and the one just to the right of the tip of my sternum where Svart gave me what I still think would have been an awesome piercing. Other than that? I really have no fuckin'' clue which of the rest were, y''know, shit from the Battle of the Walls, from the fights in Norfolk, or anything else. Oh, wait, the burns across the fingers of my right hand are from my last meal before my Court Martial.


    So yeah, I''m really not sure what lesson I''m supposed to be learning from all the bullshit life in the here and now has thrown at me. I''m definitely not sure if there''s even a lesson to be learned regarding being covered in something so disgusting it made being actively Pavlov buttoned by Saffron Not Worth. All I can say is that if Mimic starts trying to copy that shit, I will personally go to M-Space and start making Takoyaki. Except fuck, that won''t work, because she''ll smell worse than whatever came out of that Hole Spawn. Okay, I know what lesson I did learn, and I applied the shit out of that lesson yesterday. Three dozen of me spent the day crisscrossing the Bay in a interweaving pattern, moving at a pace where I could carefully examine each and every log, boulder, or big clump of vegetation before I got within lunging range.


    Anything that looked sus in the slightest got four of me coming in from cardinal directions, then one of me collapsing into the northern me. Apparently Hole Spawn not only can detect me collapsing into myself like that, it''s like goddamned catnip for them. I wonder how Maenads react to catnip, but more relevantly, the catfish Hole Spawn are pretty easy to lure out of the water, and I managed to off a dozen of them by shooting them with Vulcan from near the fucking horizon. The little shit tried to spray bait-me every fuckin'' time, but since bait-me wasn''t pulling the trigger, I managed to collapse me into myself in time to avoid another Essence of Fermented Tanning Waste Sewage money shot.


    Last night Saffron called me back home overnight. We''re within a couple days of Calverton now, so one of Marie stays with the fleet while I sleep in my own bed, getting as much rest as I can. Of course, I''m pretty sure she''s not following her own orders, because last night was an absolute avalanche of shrimp orchestrated not just by Marie, Saffron, and the super-chibi sous chefs, but the psychotropic tadpoles joined in as well. There''s a bunch of them with the fleet; I can only guess that some of the crew of the ships have legit started worshipping my ass or something similar. Maybe Saffron''s been recruiting while I''m busy. I wouldn''t put it past her. Then again, maybe they''re literally worshipping my ass. They do seem like the sorts that would literally worship a muscle mommy, and my ass is pure rock hard muscle at this point.


    Woke up refreshed, stepped back to the fleet, and immediately saw Skasn making his way to the eastern shore of the Bay just ahead of the fleet. I stepped over to his shoulder and said, "hey, big guy. You and Olga trading places?"


    He glanced over without turning his head too much. "Nah. We''ll be reaching The Hole by late afternoon, and we''ll want both of us nearby to guide the ships around it."


    "Wait. There''s actually a Hole? Like, in the Bay?"


    He nodded. "To the east of it the water''s barely ankle deep. To the north and south, it runs chest deep, maybe deep enough to put my head under in some spots. To the west? Barely waist deep. But nobody knows how deep The Hole is."


    "Oh! Like, it''s a really deep spot."


    This time he looked straight at me. "What did you think it was?"


    "I have no fuckin'' clue, man. I''ve spent the last year fucking around with Gods and Heroes and fuckers who can break the sound barrier through sheer unbridled rage. I figured it might be some kind of void of space bullshit, or maybe a portal to M-Space, or just, I dunno, a massive clipping error, like reality failed to load or some shit."


    He shook his head, and I noticed he''d begun prodding the bottom in front of him like a blind dude checking his path. "I have no idea about some of the things you just mentioned, but The Hole is a bottomless pit from which monsters spawn."


    "Literally bottomless?"


    He had some really big eyes to roll, and he rolled them all the way. "I see why you''re so hard to beat on the Green; complete lack of thought makes it hard to predict you."


    "Thanks!"


    "It wasn''t a compliment. At any rate, no one knows if it''s actually bottomless. I used to have two sons. Olaf was the shorter one by a head."


    "Holy shit. How tall was their mom?"


    He just grinned without looking at me. "Big enough I had to kick her feet apart as wide as I am tall." He went quiet a bit, and I respected his momentary reverie. Dunno if they''d been married or not, but they popped out three kids, so I figured the two of them were a thing for a while. "At any rate, Ole decided he''d find out how deep The Hole was."


    I dropped to sit on Skasn''s broad shoulder and patted it. "Didn''t come back up?"


    He shook his head. "Nope. I didn''t even see any signs of a struggle, save one last burst of bubbles, then nothing."


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    I tilted my head. "You didn''t go in after him?"


    He shook his head, his sigh a hurricane. "He was a man grown. I told him it would kill him. I told him I wouldn''t go after him, because The Hole is death. He refused to listen."


    "Damn. I''m sorry, man. Was it just, like, macho bullshit, or did somebody pay him or something?"


    Skasn shrugged. "Oh, there''s a Crown Bounty on discovering the ultimate source of the Hole Spawn and ending it, but no. He couldn''t make the Guild''s minimum standards like his brother, and he certainly wasn''t as good on the Green as his sister."


    "So... macho bullshit?"


    He snorted. "I guess you could call it that."


    While most of me scouted ahead, luring out Hole Spawn for me to snipe from a distance, one of me stayed shipboard, another rode Skasn''s shoulder and shot the shit about Duelisting versus Heroing, and one of me got ridden back in the Love Shack, because even if she thought I needed my rest, Saffron wasn''t about to let up on my distraction resistance training. The shipboard me skipped back to Lancaster House and stole a scrying bowl, because I''d had some idea about scrying on all the ships. Among other things, I wasn''t absolutely certain, but I thought I''d been able to Scry a little easier on places I''d Translocated to and vice versa, not to mention Scrying on a place was easier the more I did it. Also, I wanted to see if Scrying on a moving ship was even possible; it seemed to be, but with the slow pace and the open water I couldn''t be absolutely sure. I passed the morning and afternoon like that, until late in the day Olga met Skasn and I coming from the east.


    "Hallo, daughter!"


    "Hey, old man!" Behind her, I could just about make out the coastline. "You want to take shore side or Bay side?"


    I amplified my voice and called out, "Should we even have any ships go shore side, with how shallow it is?"


    Skasn shrugged. "The longboats can sail in shallows, but any of the bigger ships ought veer west."


    "Okay, I''ll let ''em know."


    I hopped through the fleet, Co-Locating until my head started aching a little, spreading the word that anything bigger than a longboat needed to steer west to avoid The Hole. Surprisingly, I didn''t get even the slightest pushback. Weird with how psychopathically aggressive Norfolk guys normally were, but I wasn''t gonna complain. Meanwhile Skasn rammed one of his poles into the bed of the Bay, then tied a red kerchief around the top of it. A Skasn sized kerchief, which meant it was like four times as big across as I was tall. Then he tied two balls of twine to the upright ski pole and handed one to Olga. Skasn scale twine, which meant a fuckin rope thick enough I could see it clearly from like thirty feet away. "I''ll take Bay side, if you don''t mind. The water feels good on my old bones."


    She nodded, clapped him on the shoulder, thankfully the one opposite where I sat, and said, "stay safe, old man."


    "How do you think I got so old?"


    With that the two of them split up. With no more need for more of me aboard ship, I collapsed them into a single one of me on Olga''s shoulder. "I''ll let you know if he needs help."


    "Thanks," she said quietly. "He''s a tough old bastard, but... The Hole''s The Hole. Fucking blight on our Bay."


    "You really that mad about it?"


    She looked at me. "It took my brother. It almost took my father, but I grabbed his hand, reminded him that he had two other children to raise. Well, mentor by that point. Not to mention an entire guild to look after."


    "I''ll take that as a yes."


    Not long after, we reached a point where she''d turned to move mostly straight north. "Okay, I''m going to hold here. Is Dad good?"


    At that point, Skasn had jammed his other pole into the seabed and leaned against it, arms floating beside him, the picture of an old dude enjoying a dip in a pool. "Yeah, he looks like he''s enjoying himself."


    "Don''t let him do anything stupid, okay?"


    "Are you kidding?" The me on Skasn''s shoulder looked up at him and said, "you really want vengeance on a fuckin'' oceanographic feature, huh?"


    He closed his eyes while he sighed. "Yeah. Kinda do. Maybe once she''s crowned I''ll pay it a visit."


    I shook my head. "Can''t have that. Your daughter needs at least one advisor who doesn''t have an ulterior motive."


    "She''s got Svart."


    I snorted. "Yeah, and I don''t have ulterior motives when I''m advising Saffron. Fuck, I don''t know that I have any motive other than ''what will end this quickest and get her panties off''. You telling me Svart''s not gonna be thinking with the little head some of the time?" Skasn just laughed, letting me know I''d hit the mark. "With that in mind," I said to him, and then the me on Olga''s shoulder said, "don''t worry, Princess. Your old man can''t possibly have any stupid at the moment. I''m taking it all with me."


    Then the me on Skasn''s shoulder Co-Located into a beautiful dive into The Hole.


    Maybe thirty feet down, just below his knees maybe, everything went wireframe. I kept going, splitting my swordstaff and connecting a rope dart to each half, tucking the dart ends into The Dress'' boots. They cinched down to hold them, and I kept diving. Right around the level of Skasn''s feet I saw some weird lights near the floor of the Bay, then I left all light behind and kept going. I''m not sure how long I dove into darkness, but as the sun touched the horizon The Hole narrowed down to maybe fifty feet across, its sides near vertical by that point. Deep grooves had been scored into the walls, not to mention innumerable pock marks. I kept diving as the fuckin Hole kept getting deeper; eventually, just as it widened out to maybe two hundred feet, I saw a pebbly bottom, with something human shaped spread across it. Human shaped, but not human sized.


    "I see him." I said quietly to Olga.


    "You what?"


    "Well, I think it''s his corpse. Bigger than Olaf?"


    "Yeah."


    "Any other guys that big?"


    She shook her head, and I thought I saw a tear. "Not recently. None that went in The Hole, at least."


    The bottom of The Hole was an inverted chalice, although it had what looked like little bumps or caves around the base of it. As I got closer to Ole''s corpse, my gut clenched, a weird sensation I knew I''d felt before, but couldn''t figure out where. I kept going, spiraling down to make sure I kept eyes out for anything lurking. Whatever the pebbling of the base of The Hole was, it covered Ole''s corpse as well as it did everything else. I didn''t really get a sense of scale until I was just out of arms reach; at that point I not only got a sense of scale, I recognized the feeling. The ''pebbles'' were each at least the size of a beach ball, with some nearly a yard across.


    The feeling was the same one I''d felt trying to Heal Furtim before I Smited his Undead away.


    The pebbles nearest me shifted, and one of them cracked. A tiny segmented limb stretched out from inside.


    "Fuck. This. Shit." Yeah, talking underwater wasn''t useful for communication, but it made me feel a whole fuckin'' lot better. Before my feet touched ground, I Shaped a Smite through the sole of The Dress'' boot, and it hammered down into the egg with one limb sticking out. It burned away, light and boiling water rising from it as it did. I swam sideways, Shaping Smites as fast as I could, tagging every egg near me as the ones I''d Smited burned away, gradually raising the temperature in The Hole to something higher than the deep chill it had started at. More eggs rocked, more eggs burned. A few eggs went still, but I kept Smiting everything I got close to.


    Then I hit one of the medium sized ones with a Smite and the weirdest shit happened. It glowed, and the water around it boiled a bit, but it didn''t burn away. Instead, a claw punched through the shell. Not, like, a single Dragon claw or some shit, but the kind of thing you''d see on a crab.


    "Nope." I Co-Located a dozen of me around the room, Shaping Smites as I appeared, tagging the biggest eggs first.


    The moment I did, every one of those ''bumps'' around the edge of the room shifted, then stood up. More limbs than, like three of me put together held up hard carapaces. Claws as long as I was tall extended in front of the big crabs as they scuttled across the bottom toward me. I swam, trying to evade, trying to Smite more of the eggs before I got swarmed. In seconds half a dozen monster crabs reached me, and I realized that like three of the big bastards had stopped to eat the eggs I''d cracked open. The same awful Undead energy I''d felt from the eggs rolled off the crabs in waves, and right then I noticed that each of them had at least four big, scaly limbs underneath.


    Not just giant fucking fuck off crabs, but giant fucking fuck off Hole Spawn crabs. All dozen of me shot through the water, trying to converge on one of them. I slashed at it with Mana Blades, which did dick all. I hit it with my sword staves, which didn''t even scuff its fucking shell. I wasn''t stupid enough to try slinging a rope dart into it; I figured even if I lodged it, nothing that small would hurt something that big. Then its claw darted forward and grabbed me around the waist. I Translocated away, but another of the fuckers somehow knew where I was headed, and its claw scissored me in half at the fucking waist.


    Today was not the day I wanted to learn that I was now tough enough to survive being cut in half at the waist. That me collapsed into another of me, which got scissored in half in turn. These fuckers apparently were enough in tune with however Translocation and Co-Location worked to use it as a fuckin'' targeting mechanism. I screamed into the water and Translocated one of me halfway up the Hole, collapsing the half-me to that one as I did. Four of the Hole Spawned Crabs fighting me rocketed upward in pursuit, armored shells splitting to reveal wings adapted for underwater work. The me in the neck of The Hole headed for the surface.


    Meanwhile the remaining nine of me squared off against the two crabs more interested in doing unto me than chasing the teleporter or eating their Smited siblings. Eight of me swam to surround one of them while the other me jumped in front of the final giant enemy crab, taunting it away. All eight charged up the biggest Smite I could, and the moment it lashed out at the one of me in front of them I darted in and let loose with all of them.


    Which did dick all. Apparently Draconic ''fuck your magic'' trumps Smite ''fuck your Undead'', much like it does Mana Blades. Two of me wound up getting scissored apart, and I collapsed them to the me swimming upward. That crab decided to head upward as well, and the remaining seven of me converged on the last Hole Spawned Crab who wanted to fight more than eat. Screaming my rage into the water, each of me Shaped Mana Lances with long thin points onto the tips of my weapons. Lunging in before it could, I rammed my spears into any place that looked like it might be a gap, stomping my feet through the eggs on the ground to get better traction. The Lances pinned it in place, more or less, but nothing punched through. Then the one of me in front of it managed to get one into its mouth-bits, where it sank in slowly. Its claws lunged at me from both sides, but two of me leapt in the tips of the claws, getting my blades up and holding them open, my back against the dull moving bit, my blades braced against the jagged toothy bit.


    The me in the middle rammed that fucking Mana Lance forward, shoving inch by inch until something inside gave way. It slid deep into the guts of the fucking Hole Spawn, at which point I poured Mana into that blade, turning it into a thicket of smaller blades inside the fucker as it twitched and kept trying to cut me in half. Eventually, its shell turning red in the light of my collected Blades, it went still.


    A moment later I registered two things. First, the other three crabs had decided that dead full grown Hole Spawn must be tastier than Hole Spawn Eggs. Second, every orifice on the fucking Hole Spawn I''d just killed started leaking an awful looking goop.


    "Fuck this shit, I''m out."


    I collapsed all of me in The Hole to the one on Olga''s shoulder, inclusive of the one with five Hole Spawned Crabs chasing it. I had zero doubt that they''d keep following, but even if I had, the five motorboat sized wakes a couple hundred feet out were good evidence they still wanted a piece of Tabitha Ass to chew on.


    As the sun set I amplified my voice so the ships between us and the shore couldn''t help but hear and hollered, "Hole Spawn Incoming!"

 Day Three Hundred And Forty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    I wonder exactly how powerful the ''power of stories'' is, and how much it affects me without me knowing it.


    I know there are things I''ve mentioned and forgotten about that I''m sure have come back to bite me in the ass. Maybe there have been some that came back to give me a boost when I needed it too, but those are a little harder to figure out sometimes. After all, when I need help, an entire freight train of manure has usually been dumped directly into the biggest fans available. When shit''s flying everywhere, it can be a little hard to pick out subtle little things that are keeping me from drowning in it. On the flip side, when I''m just about to fall apart and I get hit with just one more thing, I absolutely notice that final straw.


    Of course, when I''m on a roll and shit happens like a certain mechanical son spewing Hole Spawn Guts all over me, I definitely notice that. I''m not sure if I notice when somebody adds another layer of goodness onto an already good thing. I think I do, because I really want to be the kind of wife that notices and appreciates all the little things my wives do for me. Of course, when it comes to details, my brain still won''t remember that I have not, in fact, wifed Marie properly yet. I have got to do something about that. That''s next on my list after dealing with fuckin'' Calverton.


    Shit, that might take longer than I want to deal with. I''m gonna start working on that shit as soon as I''m done with the fucking Hole.


    Y''know, with my new decision to notice details, I am realizing that my phrasing might sometimes be more suggestive than intended.


    So yesterday at sunset I led five Hole Spawned Crabs back to fuckin'' Olga and a bunch of Longboats. I screamed out, "Hole Spawn Incoming!" my voice amplified enough to carry to all the Longboats. All of them had some oars out, but those rose into the air almost immediately. That confused me a bit until I realized that given the size, weight, and strength of the Hole Spawn I''d seen, the oars wouldn''t so much ''keep the Hole Spawn away'' as ''give them handy levers to flip people out of the boat''. Within seconds, each Longboat had a row of Karls hefting shields along the side, backed by a bunch of Thralls; some with spears, but a few with the oars they''d pulled up. They had reach, if nothing else, I guess.


    Meanwhile Olga took a half step back and raised her ski poles like short spears. Honestly, I guessed they kinda were just that. Maybe javelins, though, given how thin they were relative to her. "Hey Olga, can you throw those?"


    "I am not losing one of my weapons to The Hole."


    I shrugged. "Fair point. Just curious. I don''t think I can take more than two at a time."


    She snorted. "That''s one more than I''m sure of. Can you maybe lure a couple to the Longboats?"


    "I don''t use my people as cannon fodder," I growled out.


    She shook her head and set herself to stab at the first Hole Spawn as it approached. "They''re fighters. They''re here to fight. If we get overwhelmed and go down, they have to fight all of them anyway."


    "Shit." I Translocated one of me in front of each of the Hole Spawned Crabs, then Translocated ahead of them, leading them apart, pulling two into the shallows to either side of Olga, letting one come straight to her, and leading the other two past us. When I reached the boats, I called out, "get ready!" Right then I realized the Longboats had bunched up in a line; I guess to support one another when the things got into melee range. Right about then I kinda regretted not leading them to my big boats, since each of them had enough Crossbow armed Volunteers to put out a solid volley, and we had more big boats than there were Hole Spawn chasing me.


    Of course, they''d have gone through Skasn first, and I was not having that.


    The first Hole Spawned Crab reached the shallows, and Olga''s spear lanced down at it. It juked at the very last moment, its shell wings twisting to deflect the blow. I think the wing itself cracked, and she definitely got its attention, but it had a cracked wing instead of being skewered. At that point the next two Hole Spawn hit the shallows. "My turn."


    I Co-Located to surround them, eight of me surrounding each of them. Sixteen of me in close proximity like this got itchy enough I felt it even through the adrenaline coursing through me, but I needed eight of me to deal with one of these fuckers. I surrounded them, Mana Lances reaching out and stabbing into any little imperfections and depressions in their shells. They writhed, trying to shake me off, but The Dress'' boots kept their grip on the floor of the Bay; a pretty impressive feat given that most of it seemed to be silt. One of the two, instead of trying to twist itself around, got a rush of brains to the head and rolled. The mes on its left side braced and half lifted it, but the mes on the other side got lifted their own selves, which let it scuttle away in that direction, snagging one of me in a claw as it did. I managed to get my blades up and pushed back, but I wasn''t right out at the wide end of the claw, and it slowly overpowered me.


    I decided right then that I did not like getting cut in half. Zero out of ten, would not get torn in half again. Okay, shit, maybe if Marie asked really, really nicely. But not by fuckin'' Hole Spawn. I let that me collapse into one of the others surrounding that Crab, slipping sideways and bracing to get myself into a position I could hold the fucking claw open this time. Its other claw slid over to help, and I stepped another of me into the breach to keep its other claw from slicing me in two. That left six of me pinning the thing, and it kinda wobbled its way sideways, lashing out with its Draconic limbs. It lost some claw tips, I got some new nicks, but I could not pin it down with just six of me.


    "How strong are these fuckin'' things, anyway?"


    A moment later I really thought about what I''d just said and, in lieu of slapping myself upside the head, Shaped an Inspect.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(52, 73, 94, 1)" width="45%">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    NAME


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Hole Spawned Crab


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Hole Spawn


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    HYBRID


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Dragon (60%) / Blue Crab (20%) / Undead (20%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Young Adult (1)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ATTRIBUTES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    STRENGTH


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    16


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AGILITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    ENDURANCE


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    16


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    REASON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    MEMORY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PERSONALITY


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    AFFINITIES


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Water (50%), Earth (25%), Air (12.5%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    PATRON


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    Hole Matriarch


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="23%">


    RACIAL SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="76%">


    None


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td>


    ARMORED SHELL


    </td>


    <td>


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td>


    CLAW


    </td>


    <td>


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td>


    DRAGON SCALES


    </td>


    <td>


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td>


    DRAGON BREATH


    </td>


    <td>


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    "Well, shit. That does explain things."


    I did some quick mental math while trying to avoid getting any more of me chopped in half, then collapsed the eight of me fighting the other Crab into two, popped up another batch of me around the Crab I''d just Inspected, and sixteen of me rammed Mana Lances into the thing and shoved it down. The two in its claws strained to keep themselves un-bisected as it redoubled its efforts. The final me, standing right in front of it, split myself in two and rammed a pair of Mana Lances straight into its mouth. Even dealing with the narrowed vision and impending migraine, two of me pushing managed to get through into its chewy center in short order, and I expanded my fucking Mana Lances enough not just to kill it, but to vaporize everything inside its shell. The moment it stopped moving, I released the Mana Lances and dumped Mana into two big Smites.


    A thin black cloud seeped out of every crack in the thing. I still didn''t trust it, and Translocated every one of me over to the other Crab I''d been fighting, who had the two of me I''d left in its claws, trying its best to slice me into Tabitha Tendies. All of me leapt on the thing, pinning it in place. Before I repeated my tactic of driving Mana Lances into its mouth, burning it out from the inside, and Smiting the remains, one spare me leapt forward, rammed a hand into its mouth, and activated MIMIC (Attribute), then MIMIC (Defenses) and MIMIC (Skill) twice each. I lost that arm, but collapsed back into one of the two of me force-feeding it my Mana Lances and finished it off.


    While I''d been dealing with those two, the other two had impacted the Longboats. Courting a completely debilitating migraine, I''d dropped one of me into each of the Crabs'' claws, holding them open, because I had no illusions about what would happen the moment one of those claws caught a Longboat, nor about the fate of any Karls and Thralls dumped in the water. Shortly after I did that, I realized my error as first one crab, then the other, used its claws like a Crab do, pulled me over, and nommed my fuckin'' head. I died, discorporated, and screamed in pain even as I Co-Located another of me to block the claw I''d vacated.


    While the Crabs'' mouths, claws, and I had the world''s most disgusting standoff, the Crabs used their Draconic claws and wings to smash at the Longboats and the troops aboard them. Credit where it''s due, the fuckers in the ships fought back, hard. The Karls had pulled their shields up and if any of them who tanked a shot from a claw without backup got knocked clean to the other side of the boat, typically lying there groaning after, they were still groaning and breathing, and their buddies got that much more enthusiastic about locking shields together to meet the Crab''s Dragon claws. Meanwhile, anything the Crabs stuck out got sliced at by swords and axes in the hands of the Karls, not to mention the Thralls just sticking spears out, bracing, and letting the Crabs do the work of skewering themselves. Mostly the Thralls just got bowled over backwards when the spears failed to penetrate, but a couple managed to stick it in. After the first one got lifted clean out of the boat, having to cling to his spear to keep from getting dunked into the water right alongside the Crab, the rest let go the moment their spears sunk in.


    I didn''t see the Thralls with oars doing anything but bonking the Crabs without any real success, but fuck it, points for effort. I even forgave the bastards who missed and clobbered me on the head with the flat of their oars. Multiple times. After like the third time I sighed and shouted, "Oars! Edges!" I wound up having to collapse and reform at least twice after that, but a few small cracks appeared in the Crabs'' shells, so Win for Team Longboat, I guess?


    Then two very important things happened. First, Olga''s spears both plunged down right into the back of one of the Giant Enemy Hole Crabs. She''d put her weight behind them, too, because they slammed through the thing''s carapace with a huge crunch, one that shivered both spears. The Crab didn''t stop moving, but it definitely seemed less healthy; its claws definitely lost some Strength where they continued to try to slice me in half.


    Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    Second, the other Crab pulled my head into its mouth, bit down, and just ground its mouthparts against my head. Which felt kind of like somebody running a pumice stone over my face, but did not, in fact, squash my head like a particularly juicy grape.


    A moment later the other sixteen of me showed up and skewered the fuck out of that crab. Two of me pulled its claw back, and two more shoved Mana Lances into its mouth. Seconds later, I burned it from inside out with expanded Mana Lances and Smites. By the time I turned to the final Crab, Olga had picked it up, screamed out, "FUCK!" as it tore into her hand with its Draconic claws, then yeeted it to the shoreline. She leapt after it, every Longboat in the area sliding sideways as water filled the gaps left by her boots. I decided against helping her out when her first stomp drove the thing flat against the rocks it landed on, jamming the remains of her spear tips into the stone. She didn''t stop stomping for a solid five minutes, screaming imprecations at the top of her very large lungs the entire time.


    By the time she finished, I''d collapsed back into myself and gotten the fleet moving again. Gotten them working toward that goal, anyhow; some of them had lost oars, most of them had some issues with injured crew, one of them had run aground, and all of them had gotten turned around a bit, but as far as I could tell, nobody had died, not even the poor bastard Thrall who''d had the unenviable choice of ''dive for the water'' or ''get yeeted to shore along with the Crab''. She''d chosen ''water is softer than rock'', and while she had some broken bones, a quick Heal Injury did for that. I dispensed a few more of those, then hopped over to Olga''s shoulder. "Feel better, Princess?"


    She heaved a big sigh. "Yeah. Y''know? I think I really do. That was cathartic."


    "Okay then. You hurt?"


    "My foot is starting to go numb."


    I stepped down, dropped a mega-overcharged Stabilize into her foot followed by a vaguely normal sized Heal, since I needed my Mana for something else, then stepped back to her shoulder. "Better?"


    She stomped on the ground a few times. "Think I want to go wash it off in the water, and maybe get you to hit me with another Heal eventually, but I can soldier."


    "Good. I need you to get everybody at least a mile away from The Hole. Pull them if you have to." Marie, could you make sure the Trolls know I need them to take point for the fleet for the rest of the night and stand guard tomorrow?


    Yes.


    That''s my Murder Mittens. Thanks.


    Welcome


    Meanwhile Olga replied with, "The fuck?" She sounded a little confused, but hope lurked in the backs of her huge baby blues.


    I nodded to her. "There are more of them down there. And eggs. Too many fuckin'' eggs."


    "You going back down, then, Majesty?"


    I shook my head. "Nope. I''m ending this shit. Permanently. Ain''t nothing good ever gonna come out of this pimple on the ass of the Bay, so I''m popping that shit." She opened her mouth to say something, and I continued. "With fire."


    She worked her mouth a bit before saying, "but... water?"


    I collapsed the me with Vulcan back to her shoulder. "Enough. Fire."


    "Okay then. I''ll be about it?" I nodded, and she stepped back into the water, shouting orders to the fleet. In the distance I saw ships turning to give The Hole an even wider berth than they had been.


    Meanwhile I Co-Located another of me into a dive into the middle of The Hole, splashing into the water and diving until once again I saw those weird lights along the normal floor of the Bay. Floating there, I Co-Located one of me to M-Space, dropped my Blend, and sucked in Mana. I used MIMIC (Size) on the me holding the Mana, just enough to get maybe Loki sized. Square Cube rule meant that should be enough, and I remained small enough that I wouldn''t fall post-Shaping, what with the whole ''floating'' thing. I kept pulling Mana until I glowed so bright the light reflected off the sides of The Hole.


    Then I collapsed into one of myself and poured all of it into a single Filtration Ward as wide as The Hole set to block Air, Water, and anything carried by them. I wasn''t sure that last would work, but fuck it, the first two were what I really needed.


    By that point Olga and Skasn had reached minimum safe distance. I stepped to Skasn''s spear, still embedded south of The Hole, and snatched the big handkerchief he''d tied to it, then stepped it back to the middle of The Hole and spread it out across the surface. "Ready to play God, son?"


    Vulcan just smugged eagerly at me.


    I took a deep breath and Translocated straight up. Air rushed past me as I fell, and I did it again. The fourth time the air got thin. The fifth my eyes and ears stung, but I still felt the vestiges of atmosphere. The seventh Translocation everything got silent and dark save the light from the planet below.


    As I worked Vulcan''s charging handle I asked, "can you still see the target, son?" My voice had that weird timbre that came from hearing it through my head, not air, because other than the shit escaping from my lungs when I spoke, there was none.


    Somehow, with no face or self-mobile parts, Vulcan looked offended.


    "Fine. Just checking. You know what I want you to do?"


    He smugged back with absolutely demonic eagerness. Like, the kind of eagerness I got at the thought of, like, Infinite Wifeworks or some shit. Right about then I started having trouble moving the charging handle. "You need more?"


    Three agonizing clicks later he smugged his readiness at me. I aimed just down and to the left of the point of land I remembered, and said, "one rod. Send it," and squeezed the trigger.


    As I dealt with the inevitable nigh-apocalyptic side effects of firing a fully charged Vulcan, I Translocated us both back to Olga''s shoulder, in part to help with any collateral damage, in part to watch the show. A single bar of light tore through the night sky, and when it hit the water Olga gasped as the interior of my Ward filled instantly with steam and smoke. The water rippled, and steam covered the outside of the Ward as well. Olga looked down. "The hell?"


    "Ground shaking?"


    "Yeah."


    "Might want to keep moving."


    She started scooting the rearmost ships along ahead of her. "What the fuck did you do?"


    "Me? Just gave him," I nodded at Smuggest Boy. "A target, a firing point, and the oomph to get the job done."


    "Okay, what the fuck did he do?"


    "Do you know what a Shaped Charge is?"


    She looked at me, "No idea? What is it?"


    I shrugged. "I''m not really sure how it works, but it''s basically an explosion designed to blow a hole in something." I nodded at Vulcan. "Fortunately, he''s an expert in both explosions and other disasters."


    "Other disasters."


    "Ayep." I nodded to where the steam in my Ward glowed in the night. "Y''know, like earthquakes, tsunamis, although I think I blunted the worst of that," Vulcan pouted at me, and I smiled as the water around my ward boiled away, beginning to form a column-shaped cloud despite the paradoxical lack of shockwave. "And... volcanoes."


    Magma flowed freely through my Ward, glowing and splitting and pouring more energy into the water and air inside, which boiled even more water around it, but importantly, none of it happened nearly as violently as it ought with my Ward stopping everything but the liquid rock itself from doing anything but seething and transferring heat by conduction and radiation. Which, to be honest, still felt a little warm, even for a late spring night on the Bay.


    "Yeah, we''re gonna get some fucked up weather for a bit. Probably gonna be a bit of a something when my Ward finally fails, but hopefully the energy will have mostly bled off by then."


    "Hopefully?"


    I shrugged. "Yeah. Hopefully. On the other hand?" She just looked at me, maybe a little speechless. "The Hole? Isn''t."


    At that point Skasn, who''d been striding alongside Olga, started laughing. "Only you, My Queen."


    "Whut?"


    "Your considered approach to removing a Hole? Was to blow a hole in it."


    I couldn''t help it, I started laughing right along with him. Yeah, this would fuck shit up, but in the long run way less than a steady supply of Hole Spawn for the rest of fuckin'' eternity.


    "Okay, you two. I want you to anchor the fleet as soon as you get a solid five miles from the island formerly known as The Hole. Tomorrow we''re gonna rest up and get ready for our assault. Tomorrow night folks can have half the night off for the Solstice, but we attack the morning after."


    "We''ll be attacking on the Solstice?"


    I nodded. "I want to rush in as fast as we can to save any Jotnar and Trolls we can, but we need to be rested up, and I don''t want anybody saying I didn''t give them at least a few hours to do Solstice things."


    "Aboard ship?"


    I snorted. "Tell me you''ve never done anything like that before." She just stared at me. "Okay, tell me you''ve never seen anyone else do something like that before."


    She chuckled. "Fair point. Will you be joining us?"


    I shook my head. "Not for the celebration. I''ll have someone here to communicate, either me or the Imperator or most likely Marie, but I''m gonna spend the few hours we get with the family."


    She nodded. "As we all ought, if we can. Will you stay with us tonight?"


    "Nope. Heading home. Marie will be with you guys until morning."


    "As you wish, My queen. Sleep well."


    At that point I stepped back home to find Saffron, Marie, and Isnomi all lounging on Marie''s floor bed. Waiting for me. I looked at Vulcan, then at Isnomi, then said, "do you want to put your brother to bed, Menace?" She leapt toward me, nodding, and I handed him off with a quiet, "good work today, Son."


    Isnomi struggled a bit, but eventually dragged Vulcan over to his case by his stirrup, then slid him into place, patting him gently. "G''nide, bax bada."


    As we snuggled together for bed, I worried a little about nightmares about getting cut in half. Then I realized I hadn''t actually had a nightmare since, y''know, giving in to the Mimic Dreams every night. Weird silver lining, but still a silver lining. Mimic Dreamt of Marie yeeting shrimp while a veritable carpet of psychotropic tadpoles writhed beneath her. Marie her, not Mimic her. Although the carpet did cover quite a bit of Mimic''s backside as well, I supposed.


    Woke up before Saffron and Isnomi, snuggled into Marie''s side where she''d laid down to let us use her body as a pillow, and Co-Located one of me to my Troll Boat in The Dress, while another of me popped into the Workshop dressed in my uniform. "Son?"


    "Yes, Mother dearest?" Conrad said from directly behind me.


    I chuckled as I turned to face him. "I need a couple things from you, if you have time?"


    He nodded, smiling. "Of course. What did you need?"


    "First thing is urgent, but... simple? I need a shield." At his raised eyebrow, I said, "Yeah, the fuckin'' Hole Spawned Crabs can shear right through me, I need something to help block that. Not to mention blocking shit flying at me when I''m too busy to pop up an Air Shield."


    He smiled. "Why do I think you have ulterior motives, Mother?"


    I rolled my eyes. "Because you''re very smart." I described what I wanted in terms of shape and decoration; pretty much just a round shield like I''d seen Ares Priests and the Karls using with a simple design on the front.


    "When did you need that by?"


    "Tomorrow morning at the latest."


    He frowned a moment, but more in thought than any sense of upset. "Did you have any materials for me to work with?"


    I looked around the Workshop, spotted a big enough area, Translocated to where I''d left my pair of cored Crabs, looked around the Sudden Island until I found them, then Translocated back, dropping them into the open space atop one another. "Will those do?"


    He smiled. "Not exactly what I meant, but I can definitely work with those. I look forward to it, even." Then he frowned and looked at me. "Is there any chance you could bring me a live sample?"


    I blew out a double lungful of air. "Probably not? But I''ll see what I can do on the Solstice. You''ll want to have some kind of containment ready, though."


    He nodded. "What else did you need?" I looked around, because I did not want a certain someone hearing about this, then leaned in and whispered in his ear. He pulled back. "Really?" I nodded.


    "You''re the only one I''d trust to make them, Son."


    "Your trust honors me, mother. Did you have any particular materials in mind?"


    I handed him my coin purse and said, "nothing in particular; I trust your choices entirely."


    "Will there be anything else? I''m eager to start."


    "Nope. Thanks son." With that I stepped down to the Infirmary.


    Sister Siobhan, halfway to sitting at her desk, jerked upright. "Tabitha! You startled me!" Then she paused. "Wait... is... is it time for our," she paused, obviously psyching herself up. "Date?"


    I took a deep breath. "No. I''m sorry, Sister."


    She frowned. "Are you cancelling it, then?"


    I shook my head. "NO! Well, I don''t want to. If you want to, we can, but right now... I can''t focus on what I need to do in Calverton with... no. That''s not it." I paused for a bit, sorting out my thoughts.


    Eventually Sister Siobhan prompted me, "why then?"


    Something about the way she asked broke the logjam free. I smiled at her, and as she blushed in response, I explained. "I can''t give our date the attention it deserves while I''m still focused on the bullshit going on in Calverton."


    She nodded. "Your work there is important."


    "No." She blinked. "I mean, yeah, it is, but that''s just wrecking the Undead''s shit. There''s some big ugly ones who fucked with my Trolls and Jotnar, and I need to pay them some close personal attention, I think, but that''s..." I paused again, but not nearly so long. "That''s shit I''m good at. I''ll need to pay attention, and it needs to be done, but it''s not... not important important. Not in the same way, y''know, paying attention to another person who might actually want to spend some quality time with me is."


    She got really, really red, then squeaked out, "oh."


    She dropped into her chair, and moved by a sudden impulse I stepped up to her and took one of her hands. I lifted it, bowed down, and brushed my lips across her knuckles, doing my best impression of Johnson when he''d done it to me. "So, can we reschedule our date?"


    She squeaked like three times before she managed to bite her lip and just nod.


    "Okay then. I''ll let you know when. Did you want me to give you some time to prepare?" She blinked a little, and opened her mouth to reply, but I interrupted by saying, "or just show up and snatch you away?" She sat there, quivering, squeaking, until I finally said, "let me know when you decide." She nodded. "Or don''t, and see what happens?"


    The moment I collapsed back into myself in our bedroom, I burst out laughing at the look I''d left on her face. I''d been watching Saffron''s boot up sequence while teasing Sister Siobhan, and now she looked at me and said, "do I want to know?"


    "Yeah, probably. I decided to reschedule with Sister Siobhan, what with Calverton taking up all my clock cycles." I rapped the side of my head with a knuckle. "This baby can only handle one big thing at a time, despite all your efforts training me to do otherwise."


    "Oh, so she''s a big thing now?"


    I froze. "Uh..."


    She broke down laughing. "Oh, My Goddess. You should... you should see your face. You... Oh, my. Beloved Goddess, for that look alone I would drag her to your altar bound for you to enjoy."


    "Gah! No! Bad Saffron! No kidnapping! Consent is important!"


    Still chuckling, she rolled over atop me, one knee to either side of my thighs. "Who said she wouldn''t Consent to that?"


    I had a momentary freeze, and her chuckle when she realized didn''t help matters. "No messing with her volition. Seriously."


    "Oh, so I must use ordinary Mortal methods to seduce her into Consenting to sacrifice her virtue to you?"


    "GAH!"


    She relented, lying down atop me, her cheek resting against my breast. "What''s wrong, love?"


    I dropped my voice, because just about then I realized that while Isnomi hadn''t woken up, she still snored in her little toddler bed. "I dunno. I just... I''m not entirely copacetic with the idea of anybody sacrificing anything to me, and I''m equally uncomfortable with the idea of, y''know, banging the shit out of somebody other than one of the two of you."


    She nodded. "I see. So why didn''t you just cancel?"


    I froze again, realizing how many times I''d used what was about to come out of my mouth as a deciding factor over the past few months. "I really wanna?"


    I felt her smile against my chest. "A good enough reason for me to bring your desires to fruition, love." She chuckled. "Likely enough reason for Marie to Revel in your desires, should you allow her."


    Before I could reply to that Marie cut in with a simple, "Yes."


    Saffron lay her fingertips across my lips. "Answer me this, love. If Hilde returns to us, would you object to my dalliance with her?"


    My treacherous brain filled with an image of the two of them, then took hold of my mouth and said, "holy shit that would be so fucking hot."


    "What of George? The Grand Councilor?"


    I glanced down at the top of her head. "You want to get with George?"


    She shook her head. "Not really. He deserves some kind of reward, though. I''d ask Dionysus to hold a Revel for him, but that seems so impersonal. But that''s not what I asked. Would you object?"


    I shrugged. "Eh." Then I thought about last time I''d spoken with him. "Fuck. Would you maybe be willing to share?"


    She lost her shit laughing for a moment, then pulled herself back together with an effort of will. "Oh, beloved, I would gift him to you. Of course I would ''share''." She shook her head. "What will it take to get you to realize that while I am absolutely greedy for every second I can get with you, I am not jealous of you? There is, after all," suddenly the three of us lay in the Love Shack, and she kissed me. Plenty of you to go around.


    I don''t know how my Kitten did it, but a moment later Love Shack Marie had another of me in her arms, and she kissed me even more fiercely than Saffron. Back in the office, I snuggled into Marie and pulled Saffron to me. "Hey guys?"


    "Yes?"


    "The fleet is taking a break today. Tonight after dark they''re doing Solstice things, and I''d kinda like to maybe hit the Big Seven for those, at least a little, but for today..." I paused, hesitating for no good reason I could think of other than the totally irrational fear they''d tell me no.


    "Go on, Goof. Spit it out."


    "Can we go on a date today? The three of us?"


    "No Isnomi?" The Menace had just started her bootup sequence.


    "Uh. Okay, one group of us with her, and another group with just the three of us?"


    Saffron pulled herself up enough to look me in the eyes. "Of course we can, love. But why?"


    I thought about that for a minute until the words made sense. "I''ve got all these impulses, some of them really dark, almost all of them really hungry, but for today, before I go get myself in a shit ton of trouble tomorrow, before any of the other shit happens... I wanna do something... innocent?"


    "Innocent." Saffron''s simple statement could have been many things, but it came out with just a hint of teasing.


    "Yeah. Something I know is, y''know, just me. Not Her Dark Fatassness."


    "So you want me to stop doing this?"


    Down in the Love Shack Saffron did something Very Not Innocent. When my eyes uncrossed and I''d pulled Saffron up to keep Menace from staring into them, I said, "would you two be mad if I said yes?"


    "You sure?"


    Marie upped the Not Innocent Ante; I''m sure she wasn''t All In, but it definitely took me a little to get my shit together again. Hell, before Saffron''s recent ''anti-distraction'' training, I''m pretty sure I couldn''t have even if I wanted to. "Yeah." I sighed. "I''m sure."


    All of us collapsed back into ourselves, and she snuggled into me, pulling Isnomi into our cuddle puddle as well. "As you wish, my love."

 Day Three Hundred And Forty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    I know that all this self-examination was probably supposed to bring me to some big realization about me and my place in my new world, or maybe about who and what I want to be, but at the end of the day my biggest takeaway is, I think, that at some point I really need to make it to the end of one of the big yearly celebrations without demolishing myself.


    Then again, I guess I kinda came out of the Autumn Equinox okay; just some cuts on the backs of my hands, which explain where those eight ragged scars come from. Hell, I even got a wife and kid from that one, so I would count that one as a win. Except for the fact that kid died, and if I hadn''t taken the precaution of Mimicking Sister Siobhan''s Revive Skill before I went on my rescue mission, she would have stayed that way. Just in case there''s any question, while I managed to stomach pump defeat until victory popped out that time, any time a little kid dies is always gonna count as a fail in my book. Some quiet part of me that Mimic would scoff at if she had enough independent volition to scoff wonders what Isnomi would be like now if I hadn''t gotten there too late.


    Winter Solstice proper wasn''t bad, what with celebrating Yule with my new extended family, but I went into it more than a little shredded, and I''m talking like the beef in high end tacos, not like the general condition of my new body after nearly a year of constant working out and pushing myself to ever higher levels of physical fitness. I think the entire ''hold breath in space'' kinda emphasizes exactly how shredded I''m talking now. Of course, now when I think shredded I''m thinking what the Hole Spawn Crabs try to do to me more than what the New Amsterdam Army did while I killed them all. I think I slept for what, a day or so after that, and wound up convalescing for like a month. Yeah, that was after Curing everybody in fuckin'' Phileo, but still.


    Spring Equinox I don''t even really remember properly. I mean, I do, sort of. I got really pissed at Apollo about the Plague mutating, so I snagged him and handed him over to Conrad. I tried to Mimic Mimic''s Size, and got big enough to be seen from space without actually getting anywhere near Mimic''s full size. Then I spotted Sengann, who decided the Plague was like an endless Golden Corral buffet, only with less diseases floating around, which made me feel some kinda way, so I killed him. I then sucked up enough Mana to overflow even an ass that could, as noted, be seen from space without advanced spy satellites, followed by Curing all of New Amsterdam and Newark, then falling to my doom a mile or so out into the Bay. If Saffron hadn''t found me and somehow convinced the Kraken to let her take me home, I''d probably be sleeping with the cephalopods now. Probably gotta be a name for that kink, because I sure as shit can''t be the first one to think about tentacle monsters in a ''they can go how deep in how many holes at once?'' kinda way.


    All of that left me feeling more than a little nervous about the upcoming battle, no matter how many secret weapons I''d stockpiled over the past few months. Stories. Songs. Spontaneous Creation. Sucking Mana directly from Mimic''s enormous tentacle teats. Stupidly high stats and stolen Skills. Yet with all that, I''ve still got a bad feeling about this. Probably because I''m all loaded for bear when it comes to fucking up bad guys, but my most recent near-termination was entirely at my own hands, and I''ve yet to find a defense that''s effective in the slightest against my own dumbassness.


    Yesterday''s double date was nice, and I''m not ''damning with faint praise'' or any shit like that. This was the kind of ''nice'' where if someone had deliberately interrupted us, I might have decided right then and there to yeet them into the upper Bay on a one way ''scouting'' mission. Saffron and Marie and I walked down the riverside, gradually making our way to where the Schuylkill and the Delaware met, then walking back up to the Big Seven. We talked about nothing much; the birds, the fish, what the clouds looked like and the names of the wildflowers, which it turned out none of us actually knew. I mean, dandelions, yeah. I knew dandelions. For what it''s worth, we definitely did our part to enhance the dandelion population. There''s just something about launching all those little floating seeds across a huge greenish lawn. It also turned out that Marie knows how to weave flower crowns, and all three of us had two stacked on our heads by the time we got to the Big Seven. The way she blushed when I lifted Saffron so she could put the one she made onto Marie was adorable. I think I might have blushed a little my own self when Marie lifted me so I could settle mine onto her head around the one Saffron had put there.


    The three of us with Isnomi worked our way around the other way. Much like the Autumn Equinox, the City had decked itself out for a big celebration. The wrestlers returned, and Menace threw a goddamned fit until we let her jump in the ring at the end. I gotta say the Luchador not only played nice with the tiny little girl who insisted on getting in the ring with him, he took it with good grace when she managed to actually break line of sight by darting behind him, then scrambled right up his back and stole his belt. The rest of the match consisted of him chasing her around the ring while she scampered about on all fours, the belt dangling from her mouth. I overpaid for a jar of ''champion wrestler sweat'' at least a little bit to make up for the fact that he did, in fact, lose his belt to us again.


    Of course with all of us dressed in civvies, Saffron and I looked like a pair of rich kids out for a lark, and Marie really scanned as a nanny out watching a rambunctious kid. The pickpockets and con men swarmed around us like bees in a flower shop. A dark part of me thought about getting all violent with them, but for once it didn''t manage to get much traction. I mean, I didn''t just let them steal our shit or cop feels or anything. But I will note that we bought food at every goddamned roach coach, food stand, and even the open air restaurants that had set up for the holiday, and not once did I have to go looking for my coin purse. I''m a Trickster God and the High Priestess of a Trickster God; get pwned, noobs.


    We met up with our other group right around sunset at the Temple of Wisdom. I tossed becrowned self my jar of wrestler sweat, and Marie tossed a gleefully shrieking Menace to her flower crowned self. Saffron charged across the gap and took the opportunity to leap into both of our arms and smooch us while dangling from our necks. Before Marie and I collapsed back into ourselves, we took a minute to do the same.


    Bonfires seemed to be the order of the day; a few outside each Temple surrounded by folks dancing in wide circles, and when we went inside they had another set up about a third of the way from the entrance to the altar. The altar itself, of course, had a whole assed feast set up. The first of what Marie identified as summer sausage, piles of spring and early summer vegetables, and fish, fish, fish. Fried, broiled, minced, shaped, and deep fried, and even a few big sushi platters. That drew my ravenous ass like a neodymium magnet, but Saffron''s grip on my hand drew me up short. "What''s up, Kitten?"


    She smiled up at me. "Be a Good Girl and sample, rather than devouring, love." That kinda put paid to me eating more than one of anything, but before she released me, she turned to the bonfire, where Saffron Rae and Raymond stood talking to some other folks.


    When they noticed us looking at them, they walked our way. Saffron Rae led as usual, asking Saffron, "so, will the two of you be daring the flames?"


    Saffron very pointedly reached around and pulled Marie up behind us. "The three of us will, yes."


    If either of them felt some kind of way about us being three instead of two, they very wisely shut the fuck up about it. Then again, Raymond had that three or more thing going on, and Saffron Rae seemed okay with it herself, so maybe it was just a thing that happened here and now. Fuck it, not gonna borrow trouble, I''ve got plenty on my plate as is. "Flames?" I murmured into Saffron''s hair.


    Before replying, Saffron turned to look at Marie, held her hands out for Isnomi, and said, "Marie? Could you perhaps stoke the fire a bit?" When Marie smiled the toothiest of grins and Translocated away, Saffron thought, a Summer Solstice tradition for lovers. The hotter the flames they pass over and through, the stronger their love, the longer it will last.


    "Oh." I chuckled, low and throaty. "We gonna do some jumping, huh?"


    "I thought each of us could go with Marie first. Don''t you think?"


    "I like how you think." I smiled down at her, then whispered into her ear, "I set our son to working on certain articles of jewelry for our Maenad."


    Saffron, Isnomi on one hip, reached one hand around the back of my neck and pulled me down into a kiss. When our lips separated, she breathed words into my mouth. "Such a Good Girl."


    I think right about then I could have just walked over the flames, no jumping required. Marie returned just as Saffron pulled away, four of her flicking armloads of wood into the bonfire one split log at a time. By the time she finished, the flames roared halfway to the roof, and the crowd had to back away a little bit.


    "Thank you for the addition to our bonfire, High Priestess. Mimic does not do things by halves, it seems. The three of you will make your leap later then?"


    Saffron shook her head, "sadly, Tabitha must return to the Calverton Expedition before the night is through." She handed Isnomi to me, thinking, watch us, then reached a hand up to Marie. "Shall we?''


    Marie''s eyes said, ''oh shit'', but her whole body radiated, ''yes!''. The two of them raced hand in hand to a spot near the feast table while Saffron Rae called out, "clear a path for our first lovers of the night!"


    The two of them ran for the flames hand in hand, Saffron sprinting for all she was worth, Marie loping along next to her. A dozen feet from the edge of the fire, Marie''s legs bunched, and Saffron gripped her hand. I won''t say Saffron didn''t jump, but frankly it didn''t really matter how much she did. Marie launched herself up in an arc that took the two of them right over the bonfire, the tips of the flames licking at their shoes as they passed. The two of them landed on the far side, Marie scooping Saffron up in a kiss while dashing back toward us as the crowd cheered. If some of the cheers were outright pornographic suggestions, I figured nobody seemed shocked, and it''s not like anybody suggested anything we hadn''t already done. They might be crude, but they meant well, which pretty much described me to a T, so fuck it. From what I remembered, Hestia was a Fertility Goddess, after all, so for all I knew they were literally praying for our, uh, ''good fortune''. Hell, literally saying they wanted my Kitten and Murder Mittens to get lucky.


    Then the two of them returned to me, and Saffron stole Menace away, placing Marie''s hand in mine. I''m not sure if she was blushing or flushed, but every exposed bit of her positively glowed pink. She dragged me back to the starting point, which is when I realized that the fire had, if anything, gotten higher and hotter. Made sense, what with the new wood taking a bit to catch and all. "You ready, Murder Mittens?"


    "Yes!" She took off toward the fire, and I sprinted right alongside her. I''m not sure exactly how much was my stolen stats, how much was her tugging my hand, and how much was every feel good chemical in the world blasting into me, but I kept up, and when we hit the point she''d bunched her legs, I leapt right alongside her. Midway up, with the flames licking at us, I spun around the front of her, kissing her as we spun and flew. Her eyes shot wide, but she returned the kiss without a thought for our landing, and if we stumbled and tumbled and wound up going ass over teakettle before Marie rolled back to her feet, our lip lock never broke. If anything the crowd went even wilder.


    Marie had one hand cupping my ass and one on the back of my head, keeping the kiss going all the way back to Saffron, where she collected Isnomi and placed my hand in Saffron''s. Follow my lead, love. She skipped to the starting point like a little girl, and for once I felt no need to disabuse anybody of the thought that she might be just that for a moment. A moment later rough silk coated her hands, and I blinked The Dress onto me to match her Glowing Midnight. She turned to face the fire, then, glancing to the side to look at me, said, "with you by my side, I fear nothing, my love."


    Then she skipped forward. Not sprinting. Not running. Not even jogging. Skipping. Right before we hit the edges of the fire, she spun into my arms and said, "dance with me." She led me up the side of the pyre, skipping from log to log, the flames licking around us, the heat washing over us and around us and through us.


    "How?"


    "Loki is a God of Fire, my love." And thanks to the cowardice common to the house of Zeus, Mimic is a Goddess of the fucking Sun.


    We danced straight up one side of the bonfire and down the other, our boots gripping the logs even as they slipped out from under us, hundreds of hours of duBois'' insane tier training at balance and positioning and even straight up dancing carrying us through. When we stepped out the far side of the fire, the crowd just looked on in awe. Saffron Rae stood well beyond the fire, arms folded, shaking her head. "That''s cheating, you know."


    Saffron giggled. Then, in a voice that carried over the crowd''s chuckles at Saffron Rae''s pronouncement, said, "Tricksters. Duh."


    The two of us skipped back to Marie. "Hey, why isn''t Marie in Dionysus Priestess clothing?"


    Saffron looked up at me. "Beside the fact that skyclad has become less popular, she is not, in fact, a Priestess of Dionysus. His Champion, yes, but not his Priestess. Although, now that you mention it..." A moment later Marie stood there in a dress twin to Glowing Midnight, positively towering over the crowd, because where the original boots added six inches to Saffron, putting her around five three, scaled up to Marie size they added damn near a foot to her height, which left me staring at where her belly would be if it weren''t covered by her dress.


    I wanted, desired, needed, literally lusted to see that belly uncovered. Boss? Could you and Sigyn maybe take the Menace home to the cave for a sleepover?


    After a delay that seemed long after so many instant replies, Sigyn''s voice surprised me. "If you don''t mind, we''d rather watch her here?"


    "Siggy!" Isnomi leapt from Marie''s arms to Sigyn''s; without letting go of Loki''s hand she managed to field the flying Menace


    Thanks, Boss.


    It''s nothing, daughter.


    Yeah, not saying you gotta, because right now I''m not caring, but you might want to ignore me tonight.


    Whyever would I do that?


    The phrase ''oh god'' might wind up coming into play at moments you really might not want to watch.


    He laughed out loud at that. "Go. Have fun, you three."


    Thanks Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    "So, you don''t want to stay for the feast?" asked Saffron.


    My hand still in hers, I reached out, lay a hand on Marie''s belly, and a moment later we stood in our bedroom. "Not what I''m hungry for at the moment. I hope you don''t mind?"


    Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.


    She reached out and slipped her hand under mine while Marie stood there, frozen, maybe a little wild eyed. A moment later the three of us stood on a roof. Not the Academy, and I''m not sure exactly what roof it was, but it was high enough I couldn''t really see anything around us except the night sky. The roof had just enough tilt for it to be noticeable, but not enough for it to be a problem. "For this night, let any with eyes to see look upon us with awe and envy, for I stand unashamed of who we are and what we are to one another, loves. As for the other," She turned to me, Grin in full effect, and sing songed, "I dressed her like that for you."


    Great start to a great night.


    The next morning, as we all woke up more or less together just before sunrise, I said, "I''ve got to go to work."


    Saffron kissed my forehead. "I know, love."


    I turned to Marie. "Are you any good at fighting in the water?" She shrugged. "Would you mind helping me today?"


    She nodded, and I dressed us both in our Holy Garb. Then I looked to our Menace and said, "Menace, can you do Momma a favor?" When she looked at me quizzically, I said, "could I borrow your sash?"


    She didn''t even think about it. She scampered over to the armoire, pulled it out, and brought it back. She waved me down, then draped it over my shoulder. Before I could pull away, she threaded her tiara through my hair. "Mama safe now."


    I kissed her forehead. "Thank you, Menace."


    I led Marie into the Workshop and called out, "Son?"


    He appeared to my side, directly in front of Marie. Smart boy, not trying to startle the Maenad. Glancing at her hands, he handed me a simple round shield. The design was simple concentric circles in the colors of Phileo and Camden Yards. I pulled it onto my arm. "Thanks, Son."


    "Please try to capture me one of those alive, if you can?"


    "Will do, Son." Then I stepped Marie and I to the Troll Boat. I let go of her hand, grabbed the Scrying bowl, and Co-Located myself across the fleet, dropping one duplicate Scrying Bowl on each and every ship. Returning to Marie, I stepped us across to the big smoldering bonfire where Olga and Skasn lay with the collected Jotnar fishermen. More than a few of them looked to have singed feet, but those looked pretty friendly with the ones next to them with equally toasted toes, so I figured it was all good. As she sat up, I said, "You ready?" She nodded. "Okay then. The fleet is staying right where they''re at for the moment. You, me, and Marie will be moving ahead to see what''s waiting for us."


    She frowned. "Why just us three?"


    "Couple reasons. I''m pretty sure the three of us can disengage if we need to, and can take out any smaller Hole Spawn nearly as fast as they can come at us. We''ll bring in reinforcements if we need to, so we''ll want everyone ready, but I don''t want them in the miasma until we have some idea what we''re dealing with."


    She nodded. "It still seems risky to me, but you''re the Queen." Then she grinned. "Hell, if you die, that makes me Queen, right?"


    I laughed, "sure. Win or lose, we''re gonna set up a coronation for you today." Then I turned to Skasn, Co-Locating to his shoulder as I did. "I''d like you and the other Jotnar to follow us. We''ll be Translocating ahead, but if we need someone to pull her ass out, it''s gotta be you guys."


    He just nodded, then started jostling the Jotnar fisherfolk awake. "Make it quick, we need to get this started."


    With that I Translocated Marie and I to Olga''s shoulder, then Translocated the three of us, skipping us toward Calverton. Maybe a minute later, we stood in the middle of the Bay, miasma wafting over the water so thick we could see it. To our left, the docks of Calverton filled the shore in the distance. To the right, I spotted a Jotnar sized hastily dug fortification, ongoing fighting atop the walls. In front of us, the biggest fuckin'' Hole Spawn I''d seen yet stood atop a small, low island. I couldn''t tell if the ''Hole Spawn'' part was a lobster, a crayfish, or maybe a scorpion, but it had two monster claws, two big ass wings mantled over itself, and a long, thick tail that curled up into a spike that dripped something smoking onto its own wings. Before anyone could do anything I Translocated one of me to M-Space and started Shaping.


    We arrived with false dawn coloring the air. The moment we did, little Hole Spawn came at us. Olga had one of her father''s spears, but she''d jury-rigged her own spear''s tips to it, turning it into a really ugly trident. Murder Mittens and I just leapt into the water and met the fuckers head on. First the catfish Spawn hit us; Olga speared one, then another, and stomped on a third. Marie dodged to the side of the one charging at her, one hand reaching out and just fucking unzipping the side of the thing. Mine tried to gulp me, but I got my shield up, and while it had that lodged in its mouth, I slid the blade of my sword staff through its eye, into its brain, and swirled. We each took care of another half dozen like that, then the Crabs arrived.


    Olga didn''t bother with her spear. She''d done some work on her boots; She''d added some big chunky heels. Stone ones. She straight up stomped the fuckers into the silt at the bottom, and if one stomp didn''t kill them, it slowed them down enough she could get another couple stomps in, which did. When they came at me, I didn''t bother pinning them. I Co-Located into four of me, two shoving my shield into the fucker''s claws to hold them spread, the other two shoving swordstaves that burned underwater, because as noted, Champion of a Fire God with nigh-infinite Mana to tell Physics to fuck off and bother somebody else, directly into the base of the eyestalks, then rotating to bake its brains. I turned to watch Marie, only to realize that anything even vaguely related to a species that she routinely butchered, cooked, and ate was probably at a severe disadvantage. She''d taken the thing apart. Literally. Crab-Sparagmos in full effect.


    More Hole Spawn arrived, and we dealt with them the same way. I worried a little about them not swarming us at that point, because we did not need thinking Hole Spawn, and enemies doing something that looked really stupid in defiance of instinct was usually a sign of somebody with a brain in charge. Maybe not a super smart one, I hoped, but a brain.


    Meanwhile Skasn had the Jotnar moving. On his shoulder I could just see the three of us fighting through the miasma. His group moved forward cautiously, with him prodding the Bay with his spear while the others did the same with their clubs. I nudged him just a little to port, toward the Calverton side of the bay.


    Then one of the things I''d worried about happened. The big Hole Spawn on the island came at us. It flew through the air, getting bigger every second, until I realized it had to be at least as long as Olga was tall. Olga got her spear up to meet the charge, and it sunk in, but the thing''s stinger lashed out and caught her right in the gut. I watched it flex and pump some kind of venom, and she stumbled backward, coughing, slipping, and landing on her ass. Marie leapt at it alongside me. It pulled its stinger back and thrust it at me mid-leap; I had no way to dodge, and while my shield held, my arm cracked as the fucker''s stinger hit square in the middle of my shield. I tumbled to a stop atop Olga''s belly just in time to see the thing grab Marie with both of its claws. She roared loud enough to shake the surface of the Bay right before it flexed, tearing her in half, slicing each half in twain for good measure.


    I staggered to my feet as the thing raised its claws, miasma rolling forward from it. The rest of the Hole Spawn drifted toward me, and fully aware of what I was doing, I pulled the straps on my shield tighter to hold my arm in place. I collapsed the me on Skasn''s shoulder into myself for a bit of reinforcement. As I did I called out, "HEY! Skasn! Uh, which side you coming up on?"


    He called out, right on the edge of hearing, "Port!"


    I shook my head to clear the ringing. Not quite right, not quite yet. The big lobster fucker stared at me, taking a cautious step forward. "Wha? Port? The fuck is that?"


    I didn''t have to see him to know his eyes were rolling skyward. "ON. YOUR. LEFT."


    I couldn''t help the predatory grin that stretched across my face as I looked the Scorpion Hole Spawn right in the eyes and said, "check and mate, bitch."


    Then the me that had been drawing Mana and Shaping it since before the fight started let loose with dozens, scores, hundreds of Scrying spells. Big ones. Bigger than our ships. One in front of each of them. And one corresponding one for each scrying the other way from just behind where I stood.


    Light went through both ways. Particle and wave, could be anything. But sound went through. Which meant matter touched matter. Which meant matter could go through. That''s just science.


    At least it is when you have enough Mana to bend Physics over the table and rail it like the little bitch that it is.


    Hundreds of ships carrying thousands of troops surged through my improvised gateways. The hundreds of Hole Spawn froze as in an instant they went from closing on two casualties and one cripple to facing a fleet with just as much fuck you as they had, if not more. Shaping a massively overcharged Stabilize and a Heal and releasing them through the bottoms of my feet directly into Olga''s gut, I held one hand out in front of me. He existed here and now. Parts of him were with me. If that fucker was worthy, I sure as fuck was. I closed my eyes and demanded it come to me.


    My grin got even meaner when a heavy handle smacked into my hand. I glared at the big fucking lobster in front of me. "That''s the power of Stories, Bitch." Then, because Stories only work if you stick sorta close to them, I snugged my new battle hammer in next to my chest, amplified my voice to carry to all of our troops, even the ones in the impromptu fortress on the east shore of the Bay, and called out, "Alliance! Attack."


    Then, because every kid from every poor town knows that when it comes to a fight, not only does everybody jump in, but you never give anybody a fucking even break, I took half a step forward and whispered at the Scorpion, "Sun Goddess say, ''it sunrise time''"


    Obedient to my will, the fucking Summer Solstice Sun stopped faffing about and crested the horizon, burning away the miasma as it did.


    A moment later, the entire fucking surface of the Bay rippled, centered directly beneath the outstretched legs of the Scorpion. Marie beat her bubbles to the surface as she flashed up out of the water roaring, clawed hands that could punch through inch thick Cold Iron cleaving into the belly of the fucking Scorpion. Using Olga crunching herself upright like a launching pad, I leapt for the thing. It''s claws flashed in. My shield met one, my hammer smashed the other. Its stinger reared back, preparing to skewer me. I gripped my hammer.


    And a massive bolt of lightning speared down from a clear sky, blasting the thing''s tail to bits.


    Flights of Crossbow bolts, boulders, Ballista bolts, even some fucking javelins, arrows, and axes flew from the decks of our bigger boats. Individually none of them would hurt a Crab or hit a Catfish, but they weren''t individuals. Steel and stone rained down on them like a Summer storm, and Hole Spawn died. Longboats full of screaming Vikings rushed forward, trying to close with the enemy before the ranged attackers killed them all. I watched as three of them caught a Crab that couldn''t quite decide which to face. Before it could decide, it caught a dozen axes thrown by guys with double digit Strength, who proceeded to jump atop it and start hacking.


    From the fortification, a hiss travelled over the water as more than a thousand Trolls slid down the walls and tore into the Crabs there. Any Crab that managed to hold them off caught a boulder slammed into the top of its shell by one of the Jotnar following them. Slowly but surely they were pushed back toward the shore, dying as they did.


    Bottom feeders. Scavengers. Ambush predators. None of the Hole Spawn knew how to deal with a horde of furious attackers out to kill them. As I brought my hammer around to smash the shit out of the Scorpion''s other claw, they wavered. I brought down another bolt of lightning on the stump of its tail, and it shuddered as the remainder blew off. The lightning spread out and took out another pair of Crabs where they tried to shelter behind it.


    Then the Scorpion''s exoskeleton ruptured in a dozen places, Maries erupting from every opening.


    The Hole Spawn broke. Pursued from the south and east, they fell back, some of them heading for Calverton, but most of them scuttling for the island. The water around it writhed as they clustered around it, making it harder for our ships to surround them, even as it made it hard for our ranged weapons to miss something firing into the crowd.


    Right at that point, when I hopped onto the sagging corpse of the Scorpion, calling down another bolt of lightning into the biggest group of Hole Spawn I could see, the Fates apparently decided that despite the enthusiastic activities of the previous night, I had not, in fact, been sufficiently fucked yet.


    The fucking island stood up.


    It was not a scavenger. It was not an ambush predator. It was not even, really, a Hole Spawn. It was a Dragon. A Dragon as tall at the shoulder as Olga, probably four times that long. And by the tattered wings, the missing flesh on one side of its face, and the miasma that rolled back out over the Bay, it was Undead.


    I called down lightning. It shrugged it off like static, and breathed out a noxious, foul smelling blast of gritty sludge that burned where it touched my skin. Olga screamed behind me. Half of the Maries on the field turned and charged. Some of them melted under concentrated death breath. Some of them fell to the thing''s tail sweeping across the field just above the gathered Hole Spawn. All but one of the rest collapsed as the miasma overcame them. The Dragon brought its foreclaw down on that final Marie, crushing her into the floor of the Bay.


    That miasma reached out and sucked the life from our Vikings, our Volunteers, our Heroes, our Trolls and Jotnar. Olga groaned and fell backward, then gasped. I turned to see Skasn clutching at his chest, toppling face first into the water. Rage tried to take me, but I held it back, sucked Mana into the me in M-Space, handing it over to Shape the biggest Smite in the fucking world. When it held as much as I''d poured in to make it Global in the first place, I screamed out, "fuck you, you Undead piece of shit!" and Smited the fucker.


    The miasma rolled back as the Smite burned its way toward the massive Undead Dragon. The Spell arrowed in, targeted by the thing''s own miasma. It hit its scales...


    ...and trickled off like water from an anemic squirt gun. The Dragon''s lips peeled back into an evil grin as its miasma rushed back out to fill the Bay. My troops faltered, falling back. Trying to, as the miasma stole the strength from rowers and sailors alike.


    Fucking fuckers. Fucking fuckers in fucking boats. Tears filled my eyes as my guys started falling. Mostly into their boats, but here and there some unlucky bastard fell into the water, the Hole Spawn rushing toward them.


    No.


    The part of me fighting, calm despite the overwhelming urge to scream and leap, merged seamlessly with the endless icy fury of the tentacled masses in M-Space.


    "Daughter?"


    "Fuck off, Ma. I''m busy."


    I stepped to M-Space, cold fury radiating from the sea of tentacles hovering over the north and east ends of the Bay. I drifted up to the top of that midnight ocean. I knew what I wanted. I knew what I needed. I Scryed on the world of my Soul''s birth, looking to the place of her berth. I scanned the river just downstream of where Tabitha Diaz died from a bullet wound to the head, but she wasn''t there. I cried out in the silent darkness, my long denied need growing stronger with every passing non-moment. My gaze travelled further downstream. Further. And then she was there. Not worn by time and weather and passing of river like she''d been last time I''d seen her, but shiny and new. Her steel demurely covered with a new coat of gray paint, save near the waterline, where she gleamed as red as the circle on my shield.


    I saw her. I wanted her. I needed her. I reached out to her like I''d done before with the spray paint and the malt liquor. Mimic herself strained. Reached alongside me, her tentacles thick as category five tornadoes.


    Then she was there, floating five miles above the bay on a sea of tentacles. I stepped to her deck, willed Mimic to do as I wished. Her tentacles still refused to move into the Bay, but they flexed, drawing back, readying to throw her down at the twist of miasma that intruded even here in M-Space. I willed her to pause. Story and Song. Ill spent time watching old Anime filtered into my brain, and I smiled; no better song than one in the language of the people who''d named her, her true name, the name that made me think of her when I saw that fucking smug Undead Dragon Bitch smile.


    I channeled Mana into an intricate pattern on the hull, and an orchestra opened up with its brass section.


    Saraba chikyuu yo,


    Tabidatsu fune wa,


    Uchuu senkan,


    Black-Dra-gon,


    Uchuu no kanata,


    Calverton e,


    Unmei seoi ima tobidatsu,


    Kanarazu koko e,


    Kaette kuruto,


    Te wo furu hito ni,


    Egao de kotae.


    Ginga wo hanare,


    Calverton e,


    Harubaru nozomu


    Uchuu senkan


    BLACK DRA-GON!


    Like I hadn''t memorized stupider opening lyrics without knowing what they meant. My Blend let me slip the right names in the right places, and Apollo''s power let me project the song through M-Space with full orchestral accompaniment.


    I grabbed the Mana I''d been channeling and, instead of pushing it in, yanked. Hard. I ripped the Mana from a hex pattern all across her outermost armored hull. I think I heard Mimic grunt out the mother of all, ''OOF''s'', which echoed through M-Space loud enough to hurt my ears.


    A wafer-thin, ultra-fine hex pattern of Cold Iron decorating her hull, my beautiful Black Dragon ripped her way out of M-Space as Mimic threw her toward the Bay. As I fell, as Time itself kicked back into action, I blasted that song out again, echoing over the battlefield, dragging that big Undead Bitch''s head around.


    Too slow. In the moment before impact, I remembered and split myself into twelve; one standing right on the prow glaring at Dragon Bitch, one sitting in the Captain''s chair, one of me standing atop the dead Scorpion holding my shield and hammer. Do I even need to explain what the other nine of me were doing? Nine sixteen inch guns. Nine of me. You do the math.


    Sixty thousand tons of steel wrapped in a miasma-piercing shell of Cold Iron slammed into the Mother of all Hole Spawn, my Black Dragon''s prow taking her square in the forehead before ripping through her like the world''s biggest, bluntest guillotine. She didn''t just get cut in half. She squished, splashing at least a mile to either side. The Summer Solstice Sun tore through the miasma she''d exuded, and her spawn scattered like cockroaches when you flick the kitchen light on.


    While Physics is, when I channel enough Mana to bend her over the table, my bitch, that bitch is in fact a Yandere. I will not be developing a fear of heights. I believe, however, that I am well on my way to developing a healthy aversion to the sudden stop at the end. The pole holding the seat of the Captain''s chair up had, I think, popped out the top of my skull. I fell off the prow and faceplanted into the muck at the bottom of the Bay at terminal velocity. Funny it''s named that. As I collapsed the four of me with shattered pelvises and lower spines back into the one of me standing atop the Scorpion, I Translocated to Swanson''s big sailboat, ignored the pain coming from my general crotch area, grabbed him by the chin and pointed at my new flagship.


    "Just so we''re clear, that right there is a fucking Battleship."

 Day Three Hundred And Forty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    "The anthropologists got it wrong when they named our species Homo sapiens (''wise man''). In any case it''s an arrogant and bigheaded thing to say, wisdom being one of our least evident features. In reality, we are Pan narrans, the storytelling chimpanzee."


    - Sir Terry Pratchett, The Globe


    Funny thing I found while exploring my new flagship. Apparently along with a little cafeteria and some office space that had been set aside, as well as museum displays and maybe a gift shop, somebody left a whole little bookshelf full of reading material. No rhyme or reason to it; I think it might be books people left behind that somebody just shelved up. Honestly, I''d kinda forgotten that the New Jersey had got turned into a museum. On the one hand, I''m a little disappointed that nothing works. On the other hand I think some of the modern conveniences might start working if the little gas powered emergency generator is enough to power stuff.


    I haven''t tested it yet. I guess Angel was right back in the day. I got used to roughing it, and while having a refrigerator and shit would be great, not to mention real functioning indoor plumbing, I''m not so desperate that I''m going to waste what might be the only gasoline in existence just to see whether or not the lights work.


    Honestly? I think they might. The whole ship looks a lot newer, a lot nicer than it did the times I visited back in the world of Eastside. Maybe that''s why she wasn''t in dock when I went looking for her; they''d towed her off to do some maintenance, maybe. Probably down at the Philly Shipyard, what with that being the only place even close to local I know of that has a dry dock big enough. But if they took the trouble to give her a new paint job and scrub the deck until the teak gleamed like new, I figure they must have done some basic electrical maintenance.


    So yeah, not wasting the gasoline. I am, however, laying claim to that fucking bookshelf, because here and now doesn''t do novels, and even their reference books are written like somebody who''d been taught to write by a sentient anthropomorphic ass that couldn''t pass the audition to get into one of Chuck Tingle''s books. Anybody touches them before I read them is gonna lose some fingers, and anybody who damages my books is gonna regret that shit for as long as they can hold their breath.


    Yesterday after the Hole Spawn scattered, the fleet formed up around the Black Dragon, as I''d named her with my song, treating her more like a big metal fortress than a ship. Then again, I had no idea how to start the engines, and technically I''d run her aground when she landed. Her ass hung out into some deeper water, and it seemed to float just fine, but the front two thirds of her had mashed the silt under her into something resembling clay. When Swanson climbed aboard up a steep boarding ramp from his big sailboat, he stumbled a little before saying, "she''s aground, isn''t she?"


    I nodded. "Pretty sure it''s a mix of silt and Dragon bits under her. Her outer hull has a honeycomb of Cold Iron; it should be safe to, like, store food and sleep inside her hull. She''s got refrigerators and pantries, but without the engines running there''s no power to them. Still probably cooler than barrels in the sailboats though."


    He stared at me. "I think I understood like one word in three of that."


    I snorted at him. "You''re not that dumb, Swanson. Key points - it''s a safe spot for injured people to rest, it''s a safe spot to store food. Oh, and I''m pretty sure the tower''s higher than the crow''s nest of any of your sailboats." I looked around the ship and realized something. Everything aboard gleamed like new. "Oh, one thing. If anybody makes a mess? They clean that shit up, as clean as it is now."


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    "Even the Infirmary?"


    "Especially the Infirmary."


    He took a deep breath and blew it out. "If it was anyone but you, I''d wish you luck keeping her as clean as you want her. As it is, I pity the men assigned here."


    I paused a moment in thought. "Tell you what. Put out a call for Volunteers to be stationed aboard permanently. I want twenty of them. Their entire job, for the moment, will be keeping her clean."


    "For the moment?"


    I nodded. "Once they show me they''ll take care of her, and my wife and I figure out how to get some of the weapons working, maybe we''ll have them man the guns or something. But for now, yeah, their job will be just keeping her as spotless as she is now."


    He frowned again. "Twenty men, especially the Thralls you''re likely to get, aren''t a huge loss to our fighting strength, but are you sure it''s a good use of even that much manpower?"


    I nodded and held up a finger. "First, seeing her brass gleam and wood shine is gonna be good for morale. Nothing says ''I won hard'' better than kicking your enemy''s ass so hard you don''t even break a sweat." I held up another finger. "Second, we''re gonna be facing a bunch of Plague shit, and I don''t know whether the wind is gonna blow from Calverton at any point. Diseases hate clean. Cleaning kills plague. Not, like, perfectly, but you''re gonna wind up way less sick on a clean ship than a dirty one."


    He nodded along at that. "Fair point; my mother used to tell me something of the sort when I was still attached to her skirts."


    I nodded. "Third? She''s clean now. I like her that way. If everybody cleans up up after themselves, she''ll stay that way. Good enough?"


    "As you wish it, my Queen, so shall it be done."


    "There''s another thing. Thanks for reminding me. Where''s Weyson?"


    "Honestly I''m not sure, but I''ll have him report to you?"


    "Sounds good. I''ll be on the bridge." I pointed to the windows, then stepped up to where my Captain''s chair lay broken on the floor. I sat my ass down on one of the seats closer to the window and sat there watching the fleet get its shit together. For the rest of the day they all lined up on the lee side of the Black Dragon, letting it shield them from the miasma radiating from Calverton. The Trolls made their way to the Black Dragon and bivouacked right on the deck when the sun set.


    At that point I Co-Located one of me home. Or I tried to, then stepped outside the metal shell of the bridge and did it again. Then I collapsed onto the bed. "Ow."


    "What''s wrong, love?"


    "Think I broke my back." Suddenly she stood next to me, one hand on me, Shaping an Assess Health. "Four times. And my pelvis. And impaled myself all the way through my skull."


    "You''re certainly a bit beat up. Did any of you survive?"


    "Yeah. The ones with the broken pelvises. And lower backs."


    She leaned in and kissed me, releasing a Heal into me as she did. "Did you want to sleep?"


    I shook my head. "Nah. I need to stay awake down there to make sure they don''t fuck up my new ship."


    "Your new what?"


    I blinked. "Oh. Oh, my. Marie didn''t tell you?" I snagged her and pulled her to me, then collapsed with her back to the me outside the bridge. I watched as her eyes got huge when we stepped inside.


    "Love?"


    "Yeah, Kitten?"


    Her hands hovered over the controls in front of me. "May I?"


    "Yeah. Nothing''s powered up. Not really sure how we''ll get the engines going. Same with the guns. And, y''know, everything else, really."


    She ran her hands over the smooth plastic covering the controls. "Is this... supposed to be here?"


    I shrugged. "I copied a museum ship." At her confused look, I explained. "A warship that had been turned into a museum."


    "Can it be turned back?"


    "I have no fuckin'' clue."


    She looked up at me, supplication clear in her eyes. "My Goddess... may I try?"


    I scooped her up and snuggled her while another of me stepped up to the top of the superstructure and waved down the nearest Marie. "That is absolutely why I brought you down here, Kitten. But one thing first."


    Marie showed up, although like me she had problems Translocating directly through the outer metal shell, what with the Cold Iron I''d laced it with. "Before we do anything else? We''re gonna find the Admiral''s quarters and break them in just a little."


    "Just a little?"


    "I mean, I want to mark them as ours. Not actually break them."


    She grinned up at me, teasing Grin in place. "So let''s go break them in, then!"

 Day Three Hundred And Forty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    ¡°Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.¡±


    - Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker¡¯s Guide to the Galaxy


    It''s pretty weird, and probably a little telling about me as a person, that while I totally remembered my whole ''date with Sister Siobhan'' thing enough to go visit her the day before Summer Solstice to apologize and reschedule, just in case my latest self-destruction put me down for longer than my last one, I totally forgot why we''d set the date for the Summer Solstice celebration in the first place.


    So we spent most of the day yesterday exploring our new ship. Fortress. Space battleship. Our Black Dragon, whatever she winds up being. We found the Admiral''s Quarters, I think. They''ve got more room than any other ''quarters'' aboard. Of course, most of the crew of the ship apparently bunked down wherever there was room to throw in a stack of bunks.


    Like midway through the day Sigyn and Loki showed up with Isnomi, although Loki seemed a little cranky for some reason.


    Trying to come directly to you when you were in a Cold Iron clad floating fortress might have had something to do with that.


    Oh. Yeah. Ouch. Sorry, Boss.


    Hmph. I shall be less than gentle with you next Monday.


    You know you won''t, ''cause you''re still the best.


    I know.


    So the three of us spent the rest of the day following her around as she scampered through the ship. Scariest thing had to be when she decided to scamper into one of the fuckin'' sixteen inch gun barrels, because even Saffron is bigger than sixteen inches at her broadest dimension. No, I am totally not going to say whether that is her shoulders, her breasts, her hips, or her ass, because she''d feel some kinda way knowing it''s her hips, especially when I compliment her ass so much.


    Oh, shit. Anyway, the little Menace refused to come out, hollering something that echoed too much for us to understand, but sounded an awful lot like ''I da buwwit'' to me. Which is wrong in so many ways I didn''t even have the heart to yell at her when she somehow managed to pop the fuckin'' plug off the barrel and jump out onto a couple sleeping Trolls. Well, they had been sleeping until a barrel plug landed on them. I''m sure I remember the old dudes saying those fuckers had been welded in, but in a competition between Isnomi and any given man made creation, my money''s on Menace. At any rate, right around then we all decided to head back to the cabin we''d claimed as our own and spend the night at least once, no matter how uncomfortable it was. Our cabin, we''d sleep in it, fuck anybody who thought different.


    Kinda funny, the Karls and Jarls of Norfolk are almost all really big guys; when you''re selecting for combatants, and your ''combat traditions'' lean heavily toward being stronger and tougher than the other guy, you''re selecting for big guys. Which means that almost none of them actually fit on the bunks in the Black Dragon. Marie sure as shit doesn''t, although she''s flexible enough to make it work. Oh, is she ever. But right now the crew of the Black Dragon is like sixteen, maybe seventeen hundred Troll Marines who''ve just bivouacked on the deck, mostly the rear deck, Skasn, who''s still recuperating from the heart attack the Mother of all Hole Spawn gave him when she spewed her Miasma all over the Alliance Army, so Olga laid him down with his head right up on the bow pillowed on a bunch of balled up sails she confiscated, and like two thousand mixed Thralls, Volunteers, Soldiers and Levies. Mostly Thralls and Volunteers. Until we''ve got a beachhead, all of our Crossbows are aboard the Black Dragon, because she''s also so tall that any attacking Undead are gonna have to scale a fucking sheer wall of armored steel. Being shot in the face while doing so ought to put paid to that.


    Mimic dreams were weird. They felt almost detached, like I was watching Mimic instead of being her. More shrimp from the sous chefs, and the psychotropic psychedelic tadpoles positively covered the ground under the new puddle Mimic had claimed for her own, despite the big uncomfortable rock right in the middle. That did leave room for a really pretty light show around the rock, as the tadpoles went buck wild in celebration of our recent victory.


    Yeah. Mimic dreams or not, they''re still dreams, and that means they''re not gonna make a whole lot of fuckin'' sense.


    Woke up all piled into a single bunk barely big enough to be comfortable for a single middle aged dude, let alone two young women, an anthropomorphic tigress, and a toddler. Admittedly, the toddler didn''t add much in terms of taking up space, but she did mean I couldn''t flop around much, even if Saffron tells me I''m not prone to that anyhow. I woke up to my hip aching where Isnomi had curled herself up atop it. I might have groaned just a little bit, prompting Saffron and Isnomi both to start their wake up sequences. Still cute to watch them do that synchronized, because they definitely are synchronized. Wrinkle nose, sniff. Open mouth, taste test the air. Yawn, blep. Open eyes.


    "Good morning, love."


    "Ga mana mama!"


    I dunno how long she''s gonna keep up the nightmare dentition, but if she''s still got that shit when she gets her first serious boyfriend, I dunno if I''m gonna high five him, offer him a medal for bravery, offer my condolences, or just point and laugh when they get to the oral examination part of the test.


    "Ow." Yeah, my morning conversation isn''t great at the best of times, and just now my hips did not like difficult tasks like existing.


    "What''s wrong, love?"


    "Not sure. Think my pelvisn''t."


    She frowned a little, "if you''d told me it hurt that much I would have Healed you already."


    I waved her down. "No, no, I can hang on until tomorrow."


    She just stared at me, confused. "Why... what''s tomorrow. No, wait, what do you think happens tomorrow?"


    "Uh... Advanced Healing Studies? Doc Z will love showing the class what happens when an idiot tries to ram a sixteen inch gun up her hoo hah, I''m sure."


    I''ll credit my loving wife for trying to not laugh, but a giggle still slipped out. "You are aware the Solstice was two days ago."


    "And?"


    "The seasons'' classes are officially over. Were we both not already Heroes, or Heroes-in-waiting, I guess, we''d be signing up for classes today."


    I groaned, then said, "wait, we had a Hero in class with us, didn''t we?"


    She shrugged. "Heroes can sign up for classes. Either to learn Skills they''ve realized they need, or to improve ones that aren''t progressing as fast as they''d like. Some of them take Advanced Mana Shaping again to get support working on a modification to an existing Spell. But once you''re officially a Hero, there''s no real need for classes any longer."


    "Didn''t we get promoted like that before last Season?"


    "Yes, we did, but... honestly? I wanted us to finish those few courses all Cadets are required to take before officially becoming Senior Cadets. Less grounds for any cry of ''favoritism''. Not that I''d let that kind of thing stand, but it''s better to avoid giving that fire any fuel in the first place."


    I drew in a deep breath. "Yeah. I get that. Makes sense. But..."


    Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.


    "You want to go back to class."


    I nodded. "Yeah. I mean, I''ve probably got more Combat experience than any of the Senior Cadets at this point. I sure as shit would be willing to take any of them one on one, with my only worry being hurting them in a way I couldn''t put right after. Shit, maybe I need some practice at that."


    "At what?"


    "Less-than-lethal combat."


    She snickered. "You just want an excuse to do more research in your sex manual."


    "Yes." Marie''s pronouncement cut me off and set all three of us to laughing. Even Menace joined in, although I''m pretty sure she had no idea what exactly we were laughing about. Okay, I really hoped she didn''t. How fucking young did I need to have the Birds and Bees talk with her, anyhow?


    "Maybe, yeah, but I could do that anyhow if I had nothing to do but sit around reading. Speaking of which, I''ve got a bunch of books from my old world you might want to read."


    She nodded. "The operations manuals seemed a little, I''m not sure, old? But yes, I''ll want to read through all of them. I don''t think they''re a complete set?"


    I shook my head. "Nope. Not gonna be. I think they just collected all the ones they could get their hands on for the museum. There are probably some that weren''t on display, but I don''t think they had anything like a complete set. If I''m not wrong, there''s probably a bunch of, like, institutional knowledge we''re missing, too. But no, I was talking about the novels."


    "...news? Like, broadsheets? I doubt any of those would apply to us here."


    "No. Shit. Holy shit." I lay there, mouth open, my brain struggling with a massive fundamental missing piece of culture in the here and now. Like, something they didn''t have, that I''d missed, been looking for, only to just now realize it just plain wasn''t something that existed here. "Hang on a minute, I need to wrap my head around this."


    She''d tensed when I started swearing, but at my request for patience relaxed, running her fingers over me in a very distracting way while Marie slithered her way free and started dressing the Menace. "In your own time, then."


    "Okay. You''ve got stories, right?"


    "Of course."


    "But they''re all, like, shit that happened. The stories might be maybe a little fucked up by time and interpretation and bragging and holy shit I just realized, you''ve got Gods for this."


    "I... You''re not wrong that I can tell, but what?"


    "Gods. Immortal beings who remember who did what when, especially anything that fucking mattered enough to earn Glory for anybody."


    Saffron just nodded. "That''s not how they''d self describe, but it is accurate."


    "Okay, back where I''m from, people tell stories all the time, but they''re not about shit that happened."


    She frowned. "They tell lies?"


    I sort of worked my mouth soundlessly for a minute. "Shit. One of the books I... stole? Borrowed? Copied! Yeah, one of the books I copied goes into that. Shit, a couple did. All by the same guy, and there''s one that you''ll love, but yeah. Technically, they''re lies. But mostly, they''re about... what people want to be. What they think the world should be, or could be, or might be. Stories. It''s, like, one of our major art forms. But... yeah... Huh. I can totally see why... OH, SHIT."


    "Another moment of enlightenment, love?"


    "Yeah. Oh, yeah. So, um... Divine Secret, here?" Marie closed the fuckin'' hatch, which put us as ''really fuckin'' secure'', what with the absence of anything resembling modern listening devices, and the Cold Iron hull lining making Scrying of any kind a non-starter. "Okay, the only time I''ve heard Stories referenced in the here and now is from Loki. Tricksters and Storytellers kinda overlap, God-wise. And Tricksters are more or less Divine Pariahs. Nobody likes them, and I think the only reason anybody tolerates them is that the Tricksters are the ones who can and will talk with the other Pantheons." I paused a moment, realization hitting yet again. "Probably to trade Stories, now that I think about it. But the more Stories there are, the more they know, the more powerful the Trickster. Which is probably why they like making them happen. But Stories are about shit changing, and the Gods in charge here and now don''t like things changing."


    Saffron had gone quiet, but she replied, "yes. They are, in fact, not big fans of Change."


    "Yeah, well. Stories. Novels are long-form stories."


    "About?"


    "Fuck, what aren''t they about? The future, the past, shit that happened, shit that didn''t. Worlds like ours, worlds totally unlike ours. Worlds of magic, worlds of super high tech, worlds with both and worlds with neither. Action. Adventure. Politics. People living their lives. People struggling. People succeeding, oh, yeah, that''s a big one, of course. People..." I looked to where Menace stared at me, wide eyed. "People doing Adult things to and with other Adults, enthusiastically." I laughed. "Y''know, I read somewhere that last one is like the most popular form of literature."


    Saffron looked wistful. "I almost wish I could visit one of your Libraries."


    "That''s just it! I don''t know if it was a library, or somebody''s personal at-work book collection, or just like a lost-and-found of books, but I found a whole little bookshelf full of paperbacks."


    "Paperbacks?"


    "Paperback books. Sorta flimsy, but little books maybe," I held up my hands. "This big, with a whole novel printed in them. Okay, I think one or two in the pile are anthologies, and some of them are pretty obviously self-help books or reference books, and there''s one there that just taint-punches not only the idea of genre, but the concept of dividing ''fiction'' from ''non-fiction'', and that''s one I really want you to read, but yeah. Books. Novels. Lots of ''em."


    By the time I finished talking I swore she was breathing a little heavy. "Show. Me."


    I pouted. "I really did want to sign up for classes today though."


    She whined at me. "But... the books..."


    "Will be there when we''re done."


    Now she pouted back at me. "Someone might damage them."


    "Marie? If I show you where I found them, can you guard them to make sure nothing happens to them until our little bibliophile gets to them and... happens to them?"


    Saffron snorted. "You make it sound like I''m going to be fornicating with the books."


    I grinned at her. "Just for that, I''m gonna make you read a Romance novel second, and watch you the whole time you''re... ''reading''."


    She actually blushed a little at that. "Second?"


    I nodded sagely. "Second. There''s one in there that you''d be deeply disappointed if you didn''t get to read first."


    "So much so that you''d put off your own vicarious voyeuristic victory to allow me to read. This I simply must read."


    "After?"


    She disappeared, appearing a moment later with my cane. "After. Come along, Tabitha, we have classes to sign up for!"


    We wound up with an eclectic schedule, and a partial one at that, but I wound up pretty satisfied anyway. Advanced Healing Studies, Advanced Mana Shaping, Intermediate Heroic Skills, which we only signed up for because I wanted a class with Larry, Bonnie, and the rest of the ROTCs and Barbies, and finally we were technically signed up for Physical Training the other three days of the week, but only so we had an excuse to show up in the Practice Yard if we wanted to.


    Then I took her back to our suite, returned to the Black Dragon and, with Marie''s help, first moved all of the ''non-fiction'' to our room aboard, then stole away all of the ''fiction'' books, plus the one I''d wanted her to read, carefully setting them on the bookshelf we''d also snatched.


    She looked at the cover of the first book I handed her. She''d gotten a little miffed when I made her put away her coding windows, and then she stared at the book I''d handed her. "Discworld? The world is not a Disc. Anyone with a functioning brain knows that. I do not see how it could relate to ''Science'' as I''ve seen it described in my Scrying."


    "Trust me?"


    She rolled her eyes. "Always." Then she opened the cover. "Such fine, even woodcuts."


    "Not woodcuts. I''ll explain later. But the guy credited with that one won ''man of the millennium''. My aunties taped that show. They got so pissed Jesus didn''t win, even when I pointed out he wasn''t, y''know, part of that millennium."


    But I''d already lost her. Page after page after page she read, never putting the book down. Oh, she definitely paused. More than once. Hell, practically every few pages. Every now and then she''d ask me a question, more often than not using me as a sounding board than actually, y''know, asking me shit. Before she was a third of the way through the book, dusk painted our window with the colors of sunset. I''d spent most of the day Co-Located between our suite and the Black Dragon''s bridge, answering questions for the folks reorganizing, restocking, and readying for assaulting Calverton''s docks, while the other of me read through the Romance novels I''d picked out, trying to decide which one to inflict on her first. Inflict on her? Violate her with? Somehow ''seduction'', although it was probably the word that fit best, just did not seem quite as forceful nor as wicked as the impulses I''d sat on all day.


    She sat there, one hand holding the book open, trying to figure out how to mark her place. I snagged my silk panties, which hadn''t been worn in quite a while, out of the armoire and lay them in between the pages as an impromptu bookmark. She smiled up at me. "Only you, Goof."


    "Hey, you''re the one using me. I mean, using me. I mean, using..." I stopped when she laughed.


    "Time for bed then?"


    "Eh. Something like that." Marie returned with Isnomi right around then, and together we got Isnomi ready for bed. As she normally did these days, Marie slipped the light shut then collapsed back to the hers on the bed. As we all finished snuggling in together, I grinned and Co-Located Saffron, Marie, and I to the Love Shack. I tossed a surprised Saffron to lie centered on the bed, then scrambled to sit at the corner of the foot where I had a good view, nodding Marie to the other corner.


    "Well. This is unexpected, and surprisingly intimidating, what with the two of you just sitting there. Am I to be the evening''s entertainment?"


    I grinned at her, holding out my literary selection for the evening. "Sort of. But you''ve got one more book to read tonight." She took it with a great deal of trepidation, eyes going a little wide at the bodice-ripper cover. Honestly, given the contents I''d read within, I was a little surprised the thing hadn''t spontaneously combusted in M-Space. Then again, it might have just been too fucking wet to burn.


    I sure fucking was.

 Day Three Hundred And Fifty

    Dear Diary,


    "Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears."


    - Marcus Aurelius


    Yeah, after an three months spent working on myself trying to get my shit together, or at least all in the same zip code, I''ve finally got the modern introvert''s answer to that kind of problems: self-help books!


    The modern introvert''s answer to being fucked up in the head sucks. Just sayin''.


    So today started out at dusk, when we bundled the Menace into bed, then Marie and I got the here and now equivalent of YouTube of Culture. Okay, totally the ''Hub, and both of us enjoyed that shit to the fullest. I think Saffron enjoyed it to the fullerest, but I''m really not sure. Maybe that''s why she''s so eager for me and Sister Siobhan to do our date thing. Nah, couldn''t be that, not my innocent little Kitten.


    Yeah, I think I broke my own suspension of disbelief with that one.


    After a nice evening of Saffron reading and Saffron watching, we all collapsed back to our bedroom selves and slept late. Mimic Dreams included Marie and the sous chefs with Infinite Shrimpworks, plus psychedelic psychotropic tadpoles carpeting the floor of the Bay. Well, all of it east of the Black Dragon, and big chunks of it west of there. Weird thing; the tadpoles are doing a whole ''glowing'' thing, right, but the ones east and west of the Black Dragon look different. Like, they''re all too small to see, but the patterns the ones to the east make are kinda sedate, like a slow pulsating eastward flow, only they''re not actually moving, although I''ve got no idea why. The ones to the west, on the other hand, are in constant motion, a kind of deliberately chaotic maelstrom of color.


    Dreams. Weird as fuck, no sense making.


    Woke up in bed with Menace snuggled between us. Apparently the wards on the room include a certain degree of climate control, which meant despite a heat wave hitting we didn''t roast ourselves snuggling up. Maybe a little uncomfortably warm for actual sleeping, but not so hot we couldn''t have done some dry runs of sibling creation had Menace not been right there. I woke to a beautiful dawn shining in through the window, and nudged Saffron and Isnomi so they woke before the sun fully rose above the horizon.


    "So pwiddy!" cooed Menace, who''d bounced over to an end table to get a better look to the east; our window technically faced southeast, and while that was fine for me, our spawn seemed to want to stare directly into the sun.


    It took me a second for my brain to kick in and say, "be careful, Isnomi. You don''t want to damage your eyes."


    She turned to me, blinked like four sets of fuckin'' eyelids, at least two of them translucent enough to see her actual eyes, then blew a raspberry at me before turning back to watch the sun. "I fine. Mama pwiddy."


    "Aww... thanks, Menace, I..." What she''d just said hit me like a brick. "Do you see me when you look there?" I asked quietly, terrified of the answer.


    "Yus!" she crowed. "So pwiddy!"


    That really fucked with me for some reason. No idea why. I mean, seriously, I''ve told the Sun what to do... twice now? The second time it wasn''t even that big of a thing, just ''sunrise should be right around now, so get your ass up in the sky toot sweet''. But her looking at the Sun and seeing me just... I dunno, it weirded me out.


    So that made me decide to get up, which reminded me that I really wanted Doc Z to get his ''show the class Tabitha''s latest self-destruction'' moment over and done with so I could get shit fixed. "Hey, Marie? Could you carry me to class today?"


    "No."


    That brought me up short, but before I could say anything, Saffron cut in with, "classes don''t start until tomorrow, Goof. You''ve gotten abbreviated breaks before now. Lots of perfectly good reasons, but right now there''s nothing messing with the schedule, so we had a full week off."


    I just stared at her. "A full week, huh?"


    "Well, yes. Three days before the Solstice, three days after."


    I scrabbled for my cane. "Oh, that''s good. I''d hate to think I had to work this week. I had three days off before Solstice and three days off after."


    She snorted. "You sort of have taken it easy these past three days. Which, don''t get me wrong, you absolutely deserve. I was going to recommend you take more time off, keep yourself as a highly mobile reserve down in Calverton to deal with any nastier Undead, especially the ones in spaces too small for Jotnar to access."


    I might have growled out something like, "I''ve been putting off healing for three days. Now you''re telling me I''ve got to waddle around with a broken pelvis for seven more?"


    "Of course not! I didn''t realize that''s why you were holding off, love! I''m... I''m so sorry! I got distracted, first by the Black Dragon, then by that philosophy of science book, then by... uh..."


    Mixed emotions about that, what with the endorphins flowing, but my general crotch region saying ''you need to lie the fuck down now''. I looked at Marie and said, "can you watch Menace?" At her nod I grabbed Saffron, Translocated to the Love Shack, flopped onto the bed and moaned out, "okay, Kitten. Mom powers activate. Kiss it and make it better."


    She giggled a little, but said, "I''ll gladly do so, but I suspect after three days of healing we really ought to have a professional look at it."


    I grinned up at her. "You thinking what I''m thinking?"


    "Oh, that''s mean."


    "Hey, she''s the one who decided I''m made of Sister-nip." I reached out and poked Saffron with a toe, then Co-Located the pair of us to the Infirmary, slapping a uniform on Saffron before collapsing into one of the beds.


    "Who?" said Sister Siobhan, turning from her desk as she stood. "Oh, Saffron, what are you... Tabitha!" A moment after seeing that I''d collapsed into a bed, she got a look at my state of complete non-clothing, and every bit of her skin went bright pink, shading into red. "Is... What... Are..."


    While Sister Siobhan gabbled at me, the Saffron back in the Love Shack looked at me and said, "why are there two of us now?"


    "Because you''re still kissing it better while she works?"


    Saffron laughed, low and throaty, and said, "I don''t know, I think I might bite."


    "Normally I would be all about playing rough if that''s what you''re in the mood for, but... ouch. Just ouch. Please play nice?"


    She pouted at me. "Okay, fine. Just until you''re healed though."


    Down in the Infirmary, Sister Siobhan managed to reboot her brain a second time. The low groan I made as my pelvis decided to protest how violently I''d landed on the bed might have helped with that. "Tabitha, what''s wrong?" I just kinda pointed at my general crotch region. She twitched, looked at Saffron, then back at me and said, "is this the worlds oddest, possibly weirdest date then?"


    I couldn''t help it, I started laughing, but every guffaw pulled stuff attached to my pelvis and lower spine, which now that I''d deigned to pay attention to them, were not in the best of shapes. "No. No, if I decide our date will be... What''s that word you like, Kitten? Skyclad? Yeah. If I decide our date is gonna be Skyclad, there''s gonna be one less clothed person in the room. Meaning you, just to be clear. But right now I''m not really in shape for any post-successful-date shenanigans anyhow. I... might have shattered my pelvis."


    "Oh!"


    "Part of my spine too."


    "Oh, dear!"


    I let out a sigh as Saffron started giggling. "Four times."


    Sister Siobhan said nothing after that, although she had that tight lipped look people got when they absolutely would not give in to the urge to laugh. She walked over and did that little diagnostic prayer I remembered from my first day in the here and now, and lay her hands just over my crotch. Sadly, my body vetoed my plan to scandalize her with pelvic thrusting. Fortunately, Sister Siobhan is Sister Siobhan. Apparently my non-moving crotch parts decided to react to her proximity and attention, and there''s no way she couldn''t notice, what with doing her mystical tricorder thing on exactly those parts.


    A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    "Well. You''re not going to like this."


    "Sister, that''s either a sign that you need some real confidence boosting regarding your lady pleasing abilities, or you''re kinda terrifying me. Just spit it out."


    She blushed, but nodded. "Much like your earlier wound, this one has begun healing already. Unfortunately, it''s not a surface wound, and no work was done to set any of it, or heal it at all, really, so..."


    I groaned out, "oh, this is going to suck."


    Saffron blinked away, then returned with Marie. She also collapsed both of us to the Infirmary, which left me with a raging frustrated lady boner on top of everything else, because she''d been assiduously kissing it better when she and I both realized what needed to happen. "Marie, I''m afraid we need you to shatter Tabitha''s pelvis and lower spine."


    "Wait!" Everyone froze as Sister Siobhan hollered.


    Saffron stepped over to her, laid a hand on her upper arm, and said, "is there another way?"


    "Well, no, but..."


    At the word ''no'', Marie went to work. She carefully pulled me down onto the hard stone floor, pulling the pillow along and laying it behind my head. Then she straddled my chest, giving me a nice view of her ass blocked only by her tail whapping me in the face, and another of her Co-Located down to hold my knees. "Ready?"


    "Never gonna be. Just do it."


    When the Black Dragon''s sixteen inch guns shattered my lower bits, it had been a single massive impact followed by a slow rotating slide until I fell off and landed on my head on the teak. This was not a single impact. Over and over she slammed her fists into my crotch, my hips, my gut, that last so hard that I think I felt her knuckles hitting my spine. After the second impact, I grabbed at her hips, digging my fingers in until another Marie knelt with one knee to either side of my head and gently but inexorably pulled my hands back, interweaving her fingers through mine. I ground my teeth, and she reached down, squeezed my jaw until my mouth opened, then slid her tail in between my teeth.


    I have no idea how long it took. It couldn''t have been all that long, but it sure as fuck felt like it. Before she finished, I''d bitten through her tail at least three times. No idea how she managed to grow it back, but she didn''t lash out or yowl or growl at me or anything. She didn''t even change the slow, steady, brutal rhythm she''d started with, and if she hit harder, that could totally have been trying to turn my pelvis into something granulated enough Saffron and Sister Siobhan could fix it right.


    Finally Marie stopped, looked to Sister Siobhan, and said, "Ready."


    That''s when I became aware of a gentle sobbing that had come from Siobhan''s direction since right around when Marie pulled my hands back. "How do you do it?"


    "Huh? Aren''t you the Healing expert?"


    "No, not that." She said as she knelt down on the floor next to my hips and started her diagnostic prayer again. "How do you go through all this pain and... and still keep going?"


    I shrugged, then immediately regretted it. "It''s just part of the job, isn''t it?"


    "Oh, Dear Sweet Canta, you really think that? I''ve never seen a Hero survive what you have and keep going." She turned to Saffron. "I don''t have anywhere near the Mana to Heal this."


    Saffron nodded, as if she''d expected that. "Could you do it if you did have the Mana?"


    Sister Siobhan took a deep breath, let it out, then said, "I''m not sure. I can definitely get it to a point where it''s set properly, where it will heal correctly over time. After that, every bit more I can do will make her heal faster, decrease her convalescence." She nodded once, decisively. "If you can get me the Mana, I will do my best."


    Saffron smiled. "That''s all I can ask." She wove her hands through what I almost recognized as Doc Roberts'' Mana Network Shape, including herself, Sister Siobhan, Marie, and me all in the Network.


    "Oh, we can''t pull Mana from her to do this, can we? She''ll need that energy to heal."


    "I''ll be fine, Sister. You do what you gotta do, trust Marie to keep me still and Saffron to pull exactly what you need and no more."


    "So be it. Canta, grant me your sight, your Skill, and your Strength." Then she started Shaping, and I swear to God somebody decided to DP me with a Altoid''s mint dildo and a Thai pepper the size of one of Marie''s fingers.


    How evocative.


    Love you, Boss, but shut the fuck up.


    Marie dropped two of her tails into my mouth, and if I didn''t bite down hard enough to bite them off, I sure as shit appreciated the way they muffled my whimpering. Turned ''oh god, oh god, oh god, why?'' into ''ng ng ng'' followed by a squeal that might not have been me expressing displeasure. I mean, it totally was, but Sister Siobhan didn''t need to know that. She''d find out eventually anyway, right?


    Okay, the part of me that wants to be all faithful and true to Saffron is obviously fighting a losing battle here. Doesn''t help that Saffron and Marie are both on team ''Tabitha gone corrupt Sister Siobhan until Tabitha can''t call her Sister with a straight face any more''.


    So maybe half an hour of essence of painful Healing later, Sister Siobhan failed to prevent herself from faceplanting right into my abs. "Srry," she mumbled into my belly. Then her face went from red and sweaty to red and hot as she realized that no matter which way she turned her head she''d be looking at something intimate in one way or another. "Hlp, pls."


    "Marie? Pick her up and put her on the bed before she suffocates, please?" My Murder Mittens showed that she could, indeed, span Sister Siobhan''s waist with one hand, and lifted her off of me, leaned over, and lay her on the bed I''d been dumped out of. At that point I realized the entire room reeked of Pumpkin Pie Spices, and I couldn''t help what came out of my mouth next. Okay, I could have, but I really didn''t want to. "That''s for after our date, not now."


    "Tabitha!" the Sister squealed, rolling over to look at me, eyes wide. "You! I! Eeeeeee!"


    I couldn''t really tell if she was scandalized, looking forward to her cinnamon suffocation gleefully, or just experiencing complete Tabitha induced brain shutdown, but I absolutely lacked any desire to not make it worse. "Hey, you asked the wrong question."


    She paused, something approaching guarded coherence lighting her eyes. "I did? What wrong question?"


    "How I do what I do. I don''t even think about that shit, I just do it."


    "Oh. Um. What should I have asked?"


    "Why."


    "Because I... Oh. Right. Sorry." She tittered a little, and the dark part inside me and I were in complete agreement that this was absolutely how we wanted to break this particular cutie. She was absolutely a diamond in the rough, and we would shatter off her bits until we exposed the sparkling gem within. Something in my gaze must have shown through, because she squeaked and asked, "why do you do it?"


    Ignoring the stupid ache in my crotch-bones, I rolled on my side to look up at her, deliberately grinding my thighs against the inside of Marie''s as I did for a little bit of extra psychic damage. "The rewards are fuckin'' awesome."


    She blushed and, voice breathy, said, "oh. Well. I guess..."


    "Yeah. You wanna be a reward? You''re pretty awesome." Her mouth dropped open, and I said, "wait, wasn''t there another word in there? Oh, we''ll have to do that later."


    Saffron and all three Maries in the room snickered as Sister Siobhan wheezed, her blush showing through the thinner parts of her habit and robes where they pressed against her. "Tabitha!"


    "Yes, Sister?"


    She gabbled for a solid thirty seconds, completely unable to come up with anything coherent. Finally Saffron took pity on her. Because I sure as fuck wasn''t gonna. "Tabitha, I seem to recall you saying something about wanting to be able to properly focus on your first date with Siobhan?"


    "First?" squeaked Sister Siobhan.


    Meanwhile I shrugged and said, "yeah, and?"


    "Can you... focus properly with your hips the way they are?"


    "Fuck."


    "Precisely. So, are you done tormenting the poor Sister?"


    I smiled up at Sister Siobhan. "I''d say I didn''t mean anything by it, but we both know I absolutely do. Unless you wanna cancel? Which I would totally get, by the way. I''m a handful. Two, maybe even three."


    "Four," chimed in Saffron.


    "Six." countered Marie.


    "I... I''m not sure I''m quite up to... to being a proper reward for you, my Hero." I had to hand it to her, she got all that out without fainting despite her face being the color of a fire engine.


    "Do you want to be?" I asked.


    She worked her mouth, but nothing came out besides squeaks. Finally she snapped her mouth shut and just nodded.


    "Good enough for me. Got a preference on warning or no yet?"


    One quick head twitch side to side.


    Saffron blew a lungful of air out of her nose and said, "thank you for your help, Sister. We''ll take care of getting our Goof back into full fighting trim. Or dating trim. We''ll be going, unless?" Siobhan perked up, and Marie''s hand slipped over my mouth before I could start up again with my bullshit. "Was there anything you wanted before we go? While our irrepressible, invincible Heroine is, in fact, repressed enough for you to have your way with her at the moment?"


    "Sffrn!" I tried to holler, but Marie kept my mouth covered.


    Meanwhile Sister Siobhan''s eyes got really big, then she scrambled down off the bed to kneel next to me. With Marie holding my hands interlaced with hers, not to mention her thighs clamped around mine, all I could do was waggle my eyebrows suggestively as Sister Siobhan bent down and kissed my cheek. Then squeaked and ran away. Saffron laughed, then Translocated us all back up to our bedroom. Marie collapsed into the one of her prepping Menace for a day in her glider, and Saffron carefully straddled me right under my breasts. "She is such a pure, sweet soul. Utterly incapable of resisting your inevitable assault on her virtue."


    "Yeah," I sighed.


    "You''re going to corrupt her, aren''t you?"


    "Oh, fuck yes."


    She cocked her head. "What? No guilty denial?"


    I frowned a little. "Nah. Just guilty acceptance. Okay, guilty reveling in the fact that I am gonna corrupt her so hard there might be epic poetry about that shit. She might start going by ''Siobhan formerly known as Sister''. She might start wearing black. Or maybe red with gold trim. Or, ooh! Ooh! Skyclad Sister Siobhan!"


    "I can''t wait to see that."


    I shook my head. "So fuckin'' weird."


    Saffron tapped her teeth. "But you still feel guilty?"


    "Yeah."


    "I''ll have to do something about that then."


    I looked up at her, eyes narrowing, then shook my head in resignation. "Do I even want to know?"


    She just Grinned at me. "Oh, you probably do, but," she said, then sang, "I''m not going to tell you."


    "Ow."


    "Did you want me to stop, or should I keep doing that until you don''t feel guilty any more?"


    "Dammit. I have work today."


    She, of course, did not move. Instead she sang, "so go get all your work done."


    I rolled my eyes, flipped her off, and Co-Located to the Black Dragon. I spent most of the day there finalizing our plan for the assault on Calverton''s docks. Since I expected to be completely out of service until Wednesday, our plan was to set up some trebuchets on the deck of the Black Dragon, fling rocks at any Undead we could see from here, and let the Trolls and Jotnar sortie and tease out as many Undead as we could into the killing zone we''d made of the mile or so to the west of our Cold Iron fortress in the Bay. On Wednesday, after two days and a bit of harassment, we''d go in hard. If Undead could be surprised, that ought to do it.


    Of course I did all that with my utterly incorrigible wife humming little seven syllable singsong lyrics in my ears. Or nibbling on them. I heard pages turning in the other room, I''m pretty sure she was reading more Science of Discworld, but I could not be arsed to get up and check.


    When I collapsed back into myself, though, I scooped her up and stumbled into the other room to confirm. She looked up at me over the paperback while her other self nibbled at my neck. "Done for the day, love?"


    "I am. You''re not." When her eyebrow went up, I fell backwards into the Love Shack bed.


    "Before we were so rudely interrupted, I think you were kissing it better?"

 Day Three Hundred And Fifty-One

    Dear Diary,


    "Parents don''t come full bloom at the birth of the first baby. In fact parenting is about growing. It''s about our own growing as much as it is about our children''s growing and that kind of growing happens little by little."


    - Fred Rogers


    I have absolutely no complaints about my healthcare here at Phileo City Heroic Academy. Not only is it free and quite literally bordering on miraculous in terms of what it can not only sorta fix, but bring back up to full function, but the view is pretty nice while it''s happening, too.


    Some part of me really worries about that. Not, like, me finding Sister Siobhan cute. That''s all of me except the Mimic part worrying, and not just about finding her cute, but also about exactly how literal Mimic''s nom impulses are. Just to be clear, I have no idea how literal they are, and that''s what worries me. If our date night ends up with all Tabitha can eat at Sister Siobhan''s clam bar, I''ll maybe feel guilty, but more ''oh, shit, I Just Happened to another one!'' guilt, not ''oh, god, what have I done'' guilty, the way I would if there''s nothing left of her but her habit and sandals.


    Considering the only reason you have for guilt is your existing relationships, and both of the other parties there are fully supportive of your seduction of Miss Darling, I don''t see any reason for you to feel guilty should something of the sort happen.


    Yeah, you''re forgetting about the entire part where I''m pretty sure she''s completely innocent in every way that matters, and every impulse I''ve got says to lay waste to every bit of that innocence. Possibly addict her to Pumpkin Spice while I''m at it. Not that emotions are really prone to listening to logic anyhow.


    No, no they are not. However, they are sometimes swayed by the opinions of those we look up to.


    Yeah, Dad, you''re not as subtle as you think. So what''s your opinion, then?


    That if your Sister Siobhan is so taken with your Heroic exploits that she wishes for her innocence itself to be yet another of your rewards for your Heroism, the only remaining possible source of guilt is if you do less than ''addict her to Pumpkin Spice'' over the course of the evening.


    Okay, okay, I get it, Dad. Not sure if that''ll help with the whole Saffron thing, but if Just Happening happens, I''ll do my best not to let the side down.


    That''s my Daughter. Simply be the best you can be, and I shall ever be proud of you.


    Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    So yeah, the medical care here at the Academy is awesome, but apparently I''m enough of a self-destructive dumbass that I push well past where miracles can fix everything. Even after an extended Healing session with Sister Siobhan and Saffron, followed by Saffron doing a masterfully Skilled job of kissing it and making it better, my hips and lower back still ached when I woke up. Okay, I spent most of the previous day perched on a stool that I''m not sure was meant for perching on all day, and I''m sure wasn''t intended for people convalescing from a shattered crotch, but I got a full night''s sleep, so that ought to fix everything, right?


    Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, my core competency is fucking shit up, and apparently that includes myself.


    Mimic Dreams included an introductory cameo by Chibi-chef Saffron, which made me a little suspicious that she hadn''t, in fact, gone to sleep after collapsing back to the bedroom with me, but screw it, she''s a big girl, she can stay up a little late if she wants. I''m really trying to avoid thinking about both how fervently she threw herself into my maw, as well as how visceral the soup dumpling sensations were.


    Woke up to achy in the nethers, and not of the kind that getting busy is likely to fix. I mean, I''m me, so I sure as shit had me and Marie down in the Love Shack trying that shit anyway moments after waking, but it did not, in fact, make anything better. I think I made some groaning sounds in the bedroom as everything tensed up, because Saffron started her boot up sequence just then. Marie and I collapsed into ourselves to watch, because as I never tire of saying, that shit is adorable as fuck. I dunno if it''s my whole terrible memory acting up, or if I really do notice something new every time I watch, but today''s boot up her scrunched up little sniffy nose caught my attention. Caught it so hard that her eyes slid open to me holding the tip of her nose in my teeth, licking at it.


    "That is excessively strange. Possibly even for you, Goof."


    I closed my lips, nipped a little, sucked hard, then snickered as I pulled away. The snicker got even snickerier when I saw evidence of successful mild hickey application on the tip of her nose. "Too cute. Gonna eat you all up eventually."


    She raised an eyebrow. "Not all at once right now? Who are you and what have you done with Tabitha?"


    I stuck my tongue out at her, then Co-Located the pair of us to the Love Shack and made good use of it. Back in the bedroom I said, "Hey, Menace is right there on top of Marie, and you know she''ll wake up if we do anything. Here. Besides," I waggled my eyebrows and licked my lips, totally hamming it up. "You don''t eat a snack like you all at once."


    The Saffron down in the Love Shack may or may not have said something like, "devour me." Not sure, my ears were a little bit covered up.


    Right about then Isnomi started stirring, and we all focused on her for a bit. I mean, I had to kind of do some things on autopilot, but I''ve got my priorities straight; watching Isnomi''s boot up is, if anything, cuter than Saffron''s. Maybe it''s the whole purity of it, maybe it''s her still being little kid little and cute rather than petite adult cute like Saffron, but whatever made it cuter, it was, in fact, objectively cuter. There''s a scale now. It measures all the components of cuteness, and Isnomi is the standard for all of them. I decided.


    Of course, the moment she finished her boot up and realized we were all staring at her, she leapt at us, hollering, "Ma! Mama! Mawa! Fye! Fye today!"


    I went to sit up to catch her to prevent her headlong rush from causing cranial impact, because cute or not our crazy little mini-bitch loved bonking heads at velocity. I gotta figure out which Bag have like, sheep horns, because sure as shit that''s the kind of Bag that impregnated my Saffron back in the day.


    Hell, ''back in the day''. She''s not even a year and a half old yet. Best guess, Kitten had her successfully impregnating one night stand like two years ago now. If the dude didn''t die of the Plague or Volunteer misadventure, he''s probably still out there doing his thing. Which... is fine, I guess? Just so long as he doesn''t do my thing. Well, Saffron''s thing. Shit, if he''s as cute as she is, there''s a non-zero chance I''d Just Happen to him if he showed up.


    Why am I like this?


    At any rate, catching Isnomi let me know on no uncertain terms that my general hip region was in no shape to do anything as energetic as watching someone else fly today. I snuggled her in for a hug and said, "I''m sorry, Menace, but Momma''s not really up to being ground crew today. I think I need your grandpa to do some work on my hips to keep them healing right."


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    Her lip shot out. "But... fye!"


    I brushed my lips across her forehead. "I know. I want to watch you. Hell, I kinda envy you, and want to see if I can find a way to join you up there. But for now? I''m not in any kind of shape to do either."


    She folded her arms across her chest. "Fye!"


    Saffron intervened at that point, scooching around until she put her arms around Isnomi from behind, enveloping her in a hug that Marie added a second layer to a moment later. "My girl, do you really want to hurt Momma?"


    Menace''s eyes shot wide. "No!"


    "Do you want to keep her from healing like she should?"


    "No!"


    "Well then, do you want to keep her in pain longer than she absolutely has to be?"


    By now Isnomi''s eyes watered a little, and she unfolded her arms to put her little hands on my cheeks. "I sowwy, Mama. I no fye."


    I took that opportunity to head bunt her a little. "It''s okay, scamp. You flew with Marie yesterday, right?"


    "Yeth?"


    "Maybe if you''re especially cute you can convince Sigyn to take you flying today?"


    Her brows drew down. "But... wan Mama fye."


    I sighed. "Today''s a bad day for it, and I might be too out of it tomorrow too, but how about the day after that?"


    Saffron nudged me. "Isn''t that the day of the assault on Calverton, love?"


    "If they need me for more than ten minutes for more than cheerleading I''ll be shocked. The Trolls are especially full of piss and vinegar after getting their asses kicked last time they tried."


    She frowned. "It''s those ten minutes I''d worry about, love."


    I rolled my eyes. "Marie, can you come with us flying on Wednesday?"


    She glowered down at Menace, who put on her best puppy dog eyes and said, "pweeze?"


    Marie tried to keep up the glowering, even added a little growl, but then she broke down laughing. "Yes. Scamp."


    "Thanks, Marie."


    "Welcome."


    With the Menace Meltdown averted, we all got up and got dressed. Okay, the three of them got up and got dressed while I took advantage of the Menace clothing delivery service and had her bring me The Dress. I decided to go without boots today, because even just the thought of pushing my femurs up into my crotch sounded excruciating.


    "Oh, shit!"


    "What''s wrong, love?"


    "I... shit fuck dammit, it''s supposed to be a surprise."


    She smiled at me as she pulled Glowing Midnight''s gloves on. "Did you send me a gift?"


    "Yeah."


    "They''re lovely."


    I snorted. "That''s normally what you expect to hear when you bring flowers. Not femurs."


    She shrugged, focusing on getting her gloves just so. "I have refined tastes."


    "So you don''t want flowers then?"


    Suddenly I had a face full of Saffron. "My name is Saffron. What do you think?"


    I paused, putting an arm around her waist as I did. She waited, glowering impatiently, while I waved Marie and Menace over. A moment later we sat in Loki''s cave. Well, I sat on the edge of his bed, Saffron crouched in front of me staring into my eyes, Marie stood next to us, and Isnomi scampered off to Mister Slither, shrieking, "Vai!" right up until the moment she glomped him.


    "I think you''ve gotten far too many poorly thought out bouquets, and desperately want enough well thought out ones to wipe the crappy ones out of your memory."


    A few minutes later a thick finger poked me in the shoulder. "Your devout worship of my wife notwithstanding, I would rather you waited until I was no longer chained to my bed before the two of you engage in the time honored tradition of fornicating on their parents'' bed."


    I grinned up at him as Saffron rubbed her cheek against mine, purring all the while. "I thought fornicating was when you do it before you''re married?"


    "And I thought ''fornicating'' sounded classier than ''fucking''."


    "C''mon, Dad. You know it''ll be way too nasty to count as ''classy'' when we finally get around to doing that."


    He laughed, and I turned to Saffron, lacing my fingers through her hair and forcibly extricating my lips a few moments later. "Hey, Kitten? I''m all for you exploring my upper digestive tract with your tongue and all, but I really do need some realignment down south while we''re here."


    "Well, that rather puts paid to me exploring your lower digestive tract too, doesn''t it?"


    I shook my head. "Nope. That''s..."


    "Sixth. Directly after any piercings I give you in the future."


    I blinked. "Holy shit, you remember that?"


    She just grinned at me. "I remember everything, love. Maybe not all at once, and I might need some prompting on unimportant things, but I remember all of it."


    "So my sexual preferences rate as ''important things'' now?" She just stared at me. Then, achingly slowly, ran the tip of her tongue across her lips. "Holy shit. I think I''m in danger."


    She stood, smiling, putting on her best ''pious Priestess'' expression. "Only of being too exhausted to move, my love." Then she spoiled it perfectly with a Grin. "Oh, wait, that''s something that happens to people other than my Glorious Goof. Now hold still." Before Loki or I could say anything, she proved that her mind was not, in fact, further in the gutter than ours when she put one arm under my knees, one around my back under my armpits, and ever so carefully lifted me without putting any weight on my poor abused hips. "Marie? Be a dear?"


    A few moments later she lay me down gently on the table. "What have you done to yourself this time, child?"


    "You weren''t watching when I summoned up the Black Dragon?"


    He nodded, "not a true summoning, but I was indeed watching."


    "Yeah. So you saw... uh... yeah, I probably shouldn''t have straddled the guns."


    Sighing, he rolled me over and pushed The Dress out of the way, his fingers beginning to prod at bits of me that weren''t quite in the same space as the rest of us. "Oh, no. You absolutely should have. Mortals will speak of that as long as the descendants of Norfolk walk the Earth."


    "Pfft. Yeah. Speak of me slowly rotating until I dropped off onto my head."


    A smile teased at the edges of his mouth as he gently rearranged bits of me. "And of three of you slamming directly into the deck after kicking yourself in the skull hard enough to shatter it."


    "Uh..."


    "Not to mention the one that faceplanted into the gun barrel hard enough that her limbs popped off."


    "Gah."


    "Of course, my favorite was probably the one who somehow balanced perfectly, yet still wound up bisecting herself messily."


    He paused long enough for my cranky to form words. "How can you have a ''favorite'' of me killing myself in what sounds like an exemplar of ''welter of gore''?"


    At that one of his hands lay across my shoulders, his pinky brushing the back of my head. "Because, Daughter, as everyone else there saw, you not only walked away snarking at your own Admiral, you managed to do all that to yourself and still, and still left your opponent in a state where any one of you could truthfully say, ''but you should have seen the other guy''."


    I settled my head down on my arms. "Heh. Yeah. Totally worth." The ghost of a frown drifted across my lips as my eyes slid shut. "Still. Kinda wanted to get off on those big bad bastards of hers." When that got no response other than some humming as he worked, I muttered, "what, no commentary on me being a voracious hosebeast?"


    He chuckled, then quietly said, "oh Daughter of my heart, whyever would I have bribed the builder when there was such a more entertaining way to prevent him from completing his task?"


    "Ow. Ow. Ow." I couldn''t stop giggling, but each giggle made my gut twitch, which hurt exactly where he was working.


    Then Saffron was there, hands on my cheeks, gazing into my eyes, her lips on mine until I went still. "Hush, love. Let your father work. There will be plenty of time for laughter later." She draped herself over me, and while part of me thought something about how that couldn''t be comfortable, the rest of me just drifted off in muffled darkness.


    Time flows oddly in Loki''s cave. Hours, minutes, days, seconds of drifting in Saffron''s embrace later he slapped my ass like the trunk of a car and said, "well, that''s about all I can do. The rest will require rest, but not overly much, I don''t think. Do try to stay out of melee for at least a few days?"


    "Can I Smite shit?"


    "I don''t see why not."


    "Got it. Smite yes, smack no. Thanks, Dad, you''re the best."


    He scooped me up into a hug, bringing Saffron along. "I know." He set us back on our feet, and Marie carried a sleeping Isnomi back from where she and Sigyn had sat with the Menace and Mister Slither. Moments later, we stood in the office, with the setting sun painting the sky outside our window blue-black, speckled with stars. Marie took pity on me and carried me to bed, stripping me and laying me down with my head pillowed on her thigh. Within minutes, she and Saffron had themselves and Isnomi sorted and in bed.


    Damn.


    What''s wrong, Goof?


    Had a whole plan about devouring you bit by bit tonight, but my fuckin'' jaw won''t even move to talk.


    A kiss drifted feather light across my eyelids. Worry not, Goof. We have tomorrow night, and the next, and the next, and every night from now until the end of time for that.

 Day Three Hundred And Fifty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    "Dear Grid Coordinates"


    - Artillery Fire


    Y''know, at some point when I get some downtime I need to go through and make a list of all the shit I''ve promised folks I''d do and, y''know, do that shit. There''s plenty of things that I remember just off the top of my head, everything from freeing the Boss and his family to dealing with Artemis in some kind of more permanent fashion. But there''s just a shit ton of little stuff I''ve said I''d do, and totally mean to do, but when shit hits the fan, it just kinda slides by the wayside.


    So got home last night incapable of motion, because the Boss'' massages, while fantastic for long term healing, leave me sort of more useless than a lesbian sheep immediately after. I mean, shit, I literally could not move my mouth. Unless Saffron wanted to play with me like a Real Doll, no nookie happening last night. I mean, screw it, not like I''m walking around constantly unfulfilled, so I''m not gonna go off on everything like I did in Norfolk, but I''d actually put the mental effort in to have nefarious nookie plans. Which, since my reaction to the Boss'' massages has reliably been utter inability to do shit about shit, just proves that my planning skills need some serious work.


    So after getting snuggled in the middle of a Saffron, Isnomi, triple Marie cuddle puddle, I drifted off to sleep, utterly at peace with the nigh continuous stream of shrimp and sous chefs yeeting themselves into my maw. The Bay looked like a pulsating disco dance floor, so I got my fat ass out there and threw it back a little, just for old times'' sake, but the lack of an actual ass to throw back despite, y''know, having an ass so big it has it''s own gravitational pull made that a less than successful attempt. The light show got a little wild, though, so I guess it wasn''t a total loss?


    Woke up in the morning to all three of them staring at me. Not freaky at all. Okay, totally adorable, but still kinda freaky. Saffron is the least predatory of the three of them, and she''s fully living up to the fucking Imperator role I put her in. Also, while Marie''s the Champion of the Murderfuck Cult, Saffron might actually have her on thirst. No, I am not using that as a put down. Ford Prefect had it wrong, I will absolutely be her glass of water and get drunk at any time she''s in need of some hydration. So the moment my eyes slid open, the three of them all grinned down at me.


    "Are you in pain, Goof?"


    More than a little hesitance colored my voice. "No?"


    She nodded. "Please say something if that changes."


    Then all three of them descended on me, tickling me. Well, okay, Isnomi blew raspberries on my belly, not unlike I was wont to do to her, while Saffron tickled my sides and Marie took my feet and the backs of my knees. My eyes crossed a little as she managed to hit the ticklish spots on the insides of my thighs without hitting any of the horny making spots, which was hella weird. I guess knowing exactly where to touch meant she knew where not to touch if her goal wasn''t lighting a fire in my loins. Of course, the three of them eventually lit some fires in my belly, because continuously crunching my abs as I laughed eventually started cramping them up.


    "Guys!" I wheezed. "Guys! Can''t breathe!"


    "So?" Marie''s deadpan question got the other two laughing. Hell, even I laughed at that one. I''d spent hours underwater every day for the past couple weeks, it''s not like them keeping me from breathing put me in any kind of danger.


    Of course, after a while longer those ab cramps spread a bit to the muscles in my lower back, at which point I slapped the bed lightly. Marie and Saffron both froze, and when Menace didn''t, Marie five-point-harnessed her up into the air, where she yowled crankily and nipped at Marie''s fingers. That got her turned around so Marie could look her square in the eye. "No."


    Menace may be the Primordial Terror of Predators, but she is not, in fact, as stupid as the inhabitants of the house of Zeus. She froze, opened her mouth, and after patting Marie''s finger a couple times, kissed the spot she''d been nipping. "Sowwy Mawa."


    "Scamp."


    By that point I had enough air to talk again. "Sorry guys, my back started hurting. Don''t want to screw up what Loki did yesterday."


    I''d be most put out by that too.


    "No, it''s fine, love. It''s why I told you to tell me. Isnomi wanted to surprise you, not hurt you."


    I smiled up at the little one, reaching, and Marie deposited her in my waiting arms. "That was really sweet, Menace. You remember when I used to do that to you a lot?"


    "Yeth!"


    "So you wanted to do something nice for me and you did that?"


    "Yeth!"


    I grinned, and saw knowing smiles from Marie and Saffron. "So, you liked it when I did that?"


    "Yeth!"


    Without another word, I flopped her belly first on my mouth and blew raspberries until she squealed. I lifted her up until her giggles died down from bat slaying levels, then did it again. I kept rinsing and repeating as Saffron and Marie both got up and got dressed for the day. I got the extra special treat of watching Marie dress Saffron twice; one of her in Glowing Midnight, who immediately Translocated away, at a guess to do her Imperator thing, and another in her Academy uniform. That actually wasn''t a terrible idea. Once Saffron had everything just so, I tossed a squealing Isnomi to Marie, then stood up, Co-Located, popped The Dress onto me, and stepped down to the tower of the Black Dragon. Weirdest thing; her boots cinched down tight the moment I had them on, which they''d done before but I just now noticed that they''d done so without me really intending that to happen, and her panties did the same. Definitely an eye-opener there, both having them on when I hadn''t intended that and having them snug in like they''d been painted on. Not unpleasant, but definitely weird.


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    Down on the deck, the Thralls and Volunteers had gotten lumber from somewhere, and built one trebuchet atop each of Black Dragon''s turrets. At first I didn''t think they were ready to fire yet, but apparently they''d just been waiting for me. A dude stationed right up next to where I''d arrived called down, "Her Majesty Queen Tabitha on deck!" I''m totally not sure if that was the right protocol, but if it''s not I''m not gonna be the one to get them to stop calling me ''Queen Tabitha'' until Olga''s officially crowned and shit. When the guys down near the trebuchets heard that, a couple of them called out over the edge, which prompted a trio of the Jotnar fisher dudes to drop their fishing baskets, hop up, and scramble aboard. I realized why a few moments later, when they each set themselves and lifted the big old counterweights on the trebuchets, which let the guys manning them just lock the throwing arm in place rather than having to winch it there. I mean, they had a winch, sure, but that looked like a lot more work than just saying, ''hey, dude, lift this'' and having it get lifted.


    Admiral Swanson stepped out from the bridge and called out, "would you like to do the honors, Majesty?"


    Asking me if I''d like to fire siege weapons seemed like one of those no-brainer questions, even to me. "Sure!" I stepped down to the top of turret number one, then took a look in the sling. It held  big old boulder with a bunch of shit glued or maybe mineral bonded to it. "What''s the payload?"


    The dude holding the lanyard waiting for me to take it, who wore a Calverton uniform with a Cold Iron chain tee shirt, said, "the boulder''s just a rock the Jotnar brought us. Just about the heaviest we can fling all the way to the docks from here. The stuff on the outside is low grade Cold Iron ore."


    "What''ll that do?"


    He shrugged. "I think the Imperator said something about them shattering off on impact. I guess they''ll mess with the miasma, maybe hurt the Undead more than regular shrapnel?"


    "Cool." I looked around, seeing the other two trebuchets with dudes standing next to them ready to pull the lanyards. "You mind if I take the first shot?"


    "Be my guest, Ma''am. Just stand back as much as you can?" With that he handed me the end of the lanyard, then scampered off and then inside the turret. I figured that looked like a good plan; if the trebuchet ate itself explosively for whatever reason, it might pulp someone standing outside, but it sure as shit wouldn''t do jack shit to somebody inside something as armored as the Black Dragon''s turrets.


    "Everybody ready?" I called out. When the other turrets called back that they were, I hollered, "On three! One! Two! Three!" and yanked the lanyard. I dunno how well aimed it was, or how reliable it would be over the long haul, but the trebuchet worked beautifully, yeeting the fuck out of that Cold Iron Shrapnel Enhanced boulder. I stepped up to the top of the tower, watching the rock get smaller and smaller. It looked like a pebble against the dockside walls and buildings, and the impact was anything but impressive at this range. Just a puff of smoke or dust or some shit, then some writhing as itty bitty humanoid figures twitched. Some of them stood up and leapt in the water, some ran away, and one particularly bright boy attacked the fuckin'' rock.


    "Shall we continue, Majesty?" called Swanson.


    I shrugged, then hollered back. "Yep. No rush, make sure everybody''s safe, double check everything before each shot and shit, but keep it up as long as we''ve got rocks to throw."


    "As you command, Majesty!"


    I spent the rest of the day leaning against a railing, watching little puffs of smoke and imagining the roar of cannon.


    Meanwhile the me back at home got my uniform on with plenty of help from Saffron. Plenty of grab ass, too, which I thoroughly approved of. Even if nothing could come of it with Menace watching, it''s hella nice to feel wanted. Didn''t even split us down to the Love Shack; just enjoyed the closeness and the titillation. Marie brought the four of us breakfast, and if I didn''t get to power eat, I did get a whole tray of hot out of the pan spicy eggs heaped over a core of scrapple. Menace got herself a tray of sausages, and if Saffron stuck with a ''balanced breakfast'' of corncake, tortilla, and bread, she had her own little quart sized tubs of butter, honey, and syrup to drench everything in. I started out taking my time, but like halfway through, just about as I found the scrapple, I forgot I was trying to savor and just scarfed everything down.


    That meant I got to feed my Kitten syrup soup for the second half of breakfast, so it''s all good.


    Marie had fish. Like, not cooked. Not sushi. Just... fish. Cleaned up and all, no scales or guts or heads or fins or anything, but not even sashimi. "You like raw fish?"


    She took a big bite, and I heard all the little bones snapping, not to mention the spine. She nodded, smiling as she sort of mooshed it around in her mouth in lieu of chewing. Lack of molars, maybe? "Crunchy."


    "Can I try?" I reached out a hand.


    She snatched her plate away, mock scowling for a moment before smiling mischievously. "Open." I smiled, then opened my mouth, tipped my head back, and closed my eyes. I smelled more than felt the fish slip into my mouth. "Bite."


    I chomped down as hard as I could, and if the spine hurt my incisors a little, the flavor wasn''t half bad. Very fishy, but, y''know, duh. She was right though, really crunchy. I''m not sure what part of my digestion took care of the bones, but I didn''t even notice them when, after crunching the bite until it didn''t so much crunch as moosh, I swallowed. I''m about as far from blonde as I can be, but apparently my new body came with a lack of gag reflex, too. Handy.


    Out on the Practice Yard Marie helped me set up a bar to do inverted crunches on. I know it sounds weird, but lying on my back hurt like fuck, but the crunches themselves didn''t. Did those plus some upper body strength training, Saffron and I taking turns spotting one another, Marie spotting for Menace when she decided to try. The fact that she could, in fact, lift the smallest barbell was still pretty fuckin'' impressive for a one year old. One and a half? One and a quarter? Something like that.


    We cut out early when my hips started acting up, and Marie took me back to bed to do some normal non magical Marie massage on my general butt region. Saffron took Isnomi down to visit Grandma in the Infirmary. Not sure whether I really liked the idea of Saffron chatting up Sister Siobhan without me there. Not that I''m worried about the two of them engaging in debauchery or some shit. If they do, they do, and I think I''d be more disappointed by not getting to deflower Sister Siobhan than Saffron getting it on with somebody else. I mean, shit, she and Marie sure as shit get up to sex without me on the regular, I''m sure, and neither one has ever left me wanting because of a lack of desire. Deliberately edging me to enrage me, sure, but that''s just part of the fun, right?


    No, what scared me a little was the two of them somehow conspiring to, I dunno, prep Sister Siobhan to resist my dubious charms. Or maybe to give in to the most dubious ones, even though they suck? I''m not sure which I''d be annoyed by more, getting beaver dammed by the woman who''s been encouraging my hypothetical extracurricular activities, or getting, like, pity sex after lame game.


    Eh. Fuck it. That shit was too complex for me today. Bed soft. Marie strong. Buttocks pleasantly mauled. Life is good.

 Day Three Hundred And Fifty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    ¡°The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.¡±


    -G.K. Chesterton, Illustrated London News, Jan. 14, 1911


    Not sure how true that is in detail in every case, but it''s sure as fuck true in general. Like, yeah, I can get my rage on when somebody hurts my loved ones, and in that moment I sure as fuck hate the people I''m fighting against. No way I could have done what I did to Oliver if I didn''t. But it all started because, y''know, they''d squished my love. Which later turned out to be less than accurate, but that''s still what I thought at the time.


    I think that''s maybe why I can look at the New Amsterdam Levies and Calverton Soldiers and see allies and troops I''m here to protect rather than ''former enemies'', because the moment they stopped being a threat to me and mine? Mostly mine, because me doesn''t detect threats to me very well? They more or less dropped off my radar, and the moment they joined the Alliance they became part of the much broader ''mine'' that encompasses everything and everyone encompassed by Mimic''s Tectonically Enormous Metaphoric Space Ass.


    Speaking of enormous space ass, Mimic Dreamt of planting hers right in the fuckin'' Bay. Still won''t go near Calverton, but the Chesapeake Bay is now hers, and if she seemed to enjoy dipping her bits in the Atlantic and having the psychotropic psychedelic tadpoles do their thing, apparently the Bay makes that shit even better. I don''t really remember trying ecstasy back at Eastside, but that''s mostly because the one time I got a chance was when I hooked up with a dealer, and by the time he pulled out the Molly I was so fuckin'' high I''m surprised I remember the night at all. But the tadpoles had what I thought was a similar effect, amplifying the mouth feel and taste of every shrimp and chef yeeted into my maw.


    Woke to a grinning Menace holding my ears and staring at my face. The moment my eyes slipped open, she started chanting, "fye. fye. fye. fye."


    I laughed. "Okay, Menace, okay." I twisted around a little as I wrapped my arms around her and crushed her with a big hug. "Marie, can you come with for the flying? Just in case we need a brain in both locations?"


    Marie chuckled, scooped me up into a proportionally equally crushing hug that carefully avoided trapping Menace under that pressure, and said, "Both."


    I remember reading that bit about neurospicy love languages, and lemme tell you, Marie had ''crush my Soul back into my body'' sewn up. Literally. Okay, she could literally crush my Soul back into my body. Come to think of it, she could probably stitch-witchery my Soul back into my body too. I rubbed my face against her, and giggled when Menace did the same to me. "Sweet."


    Marie bent down, licked my entire forehead at once, because her tongue has to be experienced to be believed, then purred out, "Vlickies."


    She handed me to another her, this one dressed in her Maid''s uniform, then one of the other two of her absconded with Isnomi and got her dressed up in her flight gear while Maid Marie Co-Located the two of us, then held me out so three more of her could dress me; one in my Academy uniform, one in my jeans and white tee shirt, and one in The Dress. Then she just held all of me dangling there while another three of her got dressed. One in her own jeans and tee shirt, which would have normally been a little bit of a brain reboot, but the two who took their time putting on Marie-sized Glowing Midnight replicas left me with zero brain function.


    Saffron just laughed up at me. "You okay, Goof? You''re looking Goofier than normal."


    "Murder Mittens Priddy."


    Before Saffron could do more than laugh, our little leather flight suited Menace barked out, "Yeth!", then scaled up the back of jeans Marie and tried to reach for her glider. Marie handed her off to the me with the jeans, and I snuggled her until she giggled while Marie took down her glider.


    "You want to join us, Kitten?"


    Saffron, all decked out in Glowing Midnight, which was apparently not only her ''Imperator uniform'', but also her preferred togs for sitting in the office coding, said, "you know, I wasn''t going to, but with the two of you there, I need not be there for any purpose to enjoy watching my daughter play. So," She stepped over, laid a hand against Marie''s side and mine, and a moment later the four of us stood on the roof, three adults in jeans and tee shirts, one Menace in her flight suit.


    A short while later Marie had Menace buckled in, and I said, "you want me to give you a boost?" I thought she''d rattle her brain with how hard she nodded. I lifted her off the ground, holding her above my head by the waist with both hands. Then I walked up to the peak of the roof, lined myself up with the middle of the Practice Yard, and kicked off into the fastest sprint I could. When I hit the edge of the roof, I leapt and yeeted her as hard as I could, and she rocketed skyward, shrieking gleefully the entire time. I Translocated back to the top of the roof directly in line with Marie. I couldn''t stop myself before I got to her, but I slowed down enough that she grabbed me as I went by and spun me around. I might have been cackling nearly as much as the Menace. "Thanks, Murder Mitt..." She shut me all the way the hell up with an irresistible Marie mouth invasion, and I had absolutely no problem with that kicking off our morning of Menace watching.


    Meanwhile, down in the office, she stepped over to the Marie and I in our High Priestess dresses and asked, "love, could you come with me today?"


    I frowned. "Council getting uppity?"


    She tilted her head, "not precisely? Say rather that I''d prefer to remind them of your existence before any of them decide to do anything I might have to call you in to correct."


    I sighed. "Okay then. I guess. You okay if I sit on the rock?"


    She smirked. "Will you be wearing panties today?"


    "Pfft. As if." I paused. "Wait, is that a requirement for rock sitting?"


    She Grinned at me. "Oh, no. I''m just suddenly looking forward to my day of managing the Council far more. Much better view."


    "Nah." When she raised an eyebrow, I explained, "you''ve got Marie there in that dress. That''s some slobber worthy shit right there. I''m just, I dunno, vulgar compared to that."


    Marie lay one finger over my mouth, shaking her head, and said, "Democracy."


    Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more.


    At my confused look, Saffron chuckled and said, "you''ve been outvoted. You''re cutest. We decided."


    Saffron lay a hand on each of our bellies, biting her lip as she did, and the next moment we stood on the deck of the Black Dragon. "This is not the Capitol."


    She Grinned up at me. "So perceptive. Are you sure you''re my Goof?" Before I could reply to that she stepped over to the rail and called out, "Princess Olga!"


    The Princess, who''d been half-kneeling by the prow talking with her dad, walked over to us. "Hail, Imperator!"


    When she got close, Saffron said, "I''m sorry to spring this on you, but I''d like you to choose a representative to the Inter-City Council for Norfolk."


    Olga frowned a little, but more in thought than any kind of upset. "Shouldn''t the Queen choose that?"


    I fielded that. "Hey, I''m only Queen until we get to a position I can abdicate and crown you. Or, I dunno, do we do it in the opposite order? Whichever. Short version, you''re the one who''s gonna be working with whoever we pick, so better if you pick them."


    She frowned, then quietly said, "honestly I''d prefer to send my father, but not until his health improves."


    Saffron nodded. "Since Admiral Swanson has been ordering the troops, and I think we''d like continuity there, the Queen''s Seneschal isn''t our best choice. Perhaps Svart or Weyson? Since neither has a Jarldom to manage at this point?"


    Olga thought about that for a moment. "I want Svart as my Seneschal as soon as possible. So how about Weyson in the interim until father''s feeling better?"


    Saffron nodded. "Could you fetch him back here, please?"


    If she took exception to Kitten''s choice of verbs, Olga didn''t say anything. After a few minutes of listening to the trebuchets firing, she returned, carrying a white-robed figure in one hand. She set him on the deck next to us, and if he looked a little ruffled, he looked equally resigned. "I''m told you need me to represent Norfolk on this Inter-City Council?"


    "Yes." Saffron pulled Marie and my hands to her shoulders, then reached out, took Weyson''s hand, and stepped the four of us to the Alliance Council Chamber, leaving one each of Marie and I on the deck.


    Olga looked down at us, frowning. "Wasn''t she going to take the two of you with her?"


    I Co-Located to her shoulder and said, "this has more uses than just kicking two people in the ass at once, y''know."


    She laughed. "So, when do we launch the attack?"


    "How much longer until we run out of rocks?"


    She shrugged. "We''ve had some of our Jotnar bringing more as we''ve been firing. There are a lot of rocks on the eastern shore."


    I nodded. "Are we out of Cold Iron enhanced rocks?"


    "Long since."


    "Okay, then. Let''s gather up the Trolls just down from the hull, have the Jotnar hide on the far side so they don''t realize we''re gathering."


    "Some of us will have to crawl." Olga''s expression told me what she thought of that.


    "Yeah, well. I cannot count the number of times I blessed this big fuzzy ball of sexy murder''s ability to make dirty shit clean." Before either of them could respond, I cut in with, "almost competes with her ability to make stuff dirty. In fun and exciting ways."


    Olga laughed. "Shall we stop our bombardment, then?"


    "Nope. Swanson! Get down here!" A minute later he jogged over, having slid down the ladders between the bridge and the deck like he could have just hopped down. Then again, I could, and he wasn''t exactly weak. When he arrived, before he said anything, I started snapping out orders. "Get with the Legion commander, time it so our last volley hits maybe thirty seconds before they arrive at the docks. As soon as they hit anything bigger or tougher than a bog standard zombie," at their look of confusion, I corrected to, "basic Undead, or when they get to the docks, the Jotnar all pop up and charge; we send all the Longboats in after them. Move our big combat boats close enough to provide fire support. Keep the supply ships moored back here. Nobody do anything stupid like damaging their ships on landing, because I want to be able to pull wounded back as fast as we need to, not to mention sending supplies forward to our ground pounders and our close support ships at least as fast as we can. Got all that?"


    "Yes, Majesty."


    "Make it so. I''m gonna go see if there are any binocs I can use to keep an eye on things from here."


    He cocked his head. "You will not be leading from the front?"


    I shook my head. "No. I can''t use my Mana Blades against Undead what have been converted too far, which I''m assuming anybody still walking around is. That means I''m gonna be Translocating and Co-Locating even more, and that shit draws Undead like flies to shit. If they''re all already concentrated, or there''s a big one, not a problem, but I don''t want to create a problem just by being there."


    "As you say, Majesty. Should we be about it?" At my nod, he strode off, calling out orders to the lackeys who''d taken to following him around. For her part, Olga turned and started gathering the Jotnar.


    I turned to Marie, lay a hand on her, and stepped us up to the top of the tower. "You''re going in with me no matter what I say, aren''t you?" She nodded, so I Co-Located, drew my sword-staves, handed her one, then collapsed back to myself. She kinda stared at it, then flexed her claws. "Yeah, I know, Mittens, but you saw what happened with the Dragon. Miasma hits you as hard as anybody else. You need a little reach."


    She unconsciously blepped in annoyance, but she started spinning it, testing out the weight and reach.


    Meanwhile, in the Council Chambers, Saffron introduced Weyson and started the days'' discussions. I watched as Lancaster and Weyson formally greeted each other, frowning at the thought that they''d wind up an Odin-centric voting bloc, but by lunchtime the part of me still paying attention realized the two of them were definitely not on the same wavelength.


    The fuck is up with that? Are they setting up some kind of long term play? Do they have personal bad blood?


    The All-Father promotes competition between his High Priests. Much as he does between Cities.


    That blew me away just a little. Is... is he actually an idiot?


    I wouldn''t call him that. I thought nothing. To his face. Mind blank, focused on Marie''s eyes flickering to my eye-level-to-her hoo hah, because she sure as shit was just as bored as I was, even after stretching our Drivers'' crepe breakfast out as long as we could. Unless I had a clear path to run, possibly with traps and caltrops in place.


    I giggled a little at that. When the Council looked up at me, I shrugged and said, "Sorry. Loki just told me a joke."


    Throwing me under the bus already?


    Oh, please, Boss. The bus would come out the loser on that.


    Your confidence in me is touching.


    Yeah, yeah. I''m supposed to be grouchy, so you go back to conning Sigyn into touching you.


    Did... did you just tell me to literally fuck off?


    Maybe. When his laughter rolled through my head, I thought, thanks for the laugh, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    By lunchtime, the assault on Calverton''s docks started. I watched through a pair of antique spotting binoculars I''d found as My Bois the Trolls tore through something underwater. From the body parts floating to the surface, I''d guess some normal non-Hole Spawn Bay Catfish, big fuckers, plus dozens upon dozens of zombie sailors. Right before they hit the docks, a single Hole Spawned Crab reared up, and the Jotnar charged. A couple bigger ones did what I guessed they thought were cool ''sliding across the deck instead of going around'' maneuvers.


    I amplified my voice and shouted, "when we have the docks, you two are coming back here and scrubbing the decks!" Dunno if they heard me, but I do know that before the Jotnar arrived, before I even seriously thought about Translocating up to the Crab, my Bois used their Halberds and numbers to do unto the Crab not unlike I''d done. More of them, and they tore its crustacean limbs off as well as shoving pole arms into its innards and brain, but like they say, ''overkill is just enough''.


    Kind of disappointed when, a couple hours later, the docks were ours, all without me and Marie ever leaving our perch.


    Way less disappointed when, as Marie and I clustered around Saffron for lunch, she lay a hand on each of our forearms briefly, Co-Locating all three of us to the Love Shack.


    Sans Holy Garb. Or any garb at all, for that matter.


    "Forgive me, love, but you''re not the only one that needs stress relief." Marie growled and nodded agreement. I had no way to express my wholehearted agreement, because my mouth and hands were already occupied. Which, I suppose, expressed it well enough, since they reciprocated fervently.


    My wives best wives.

 Day Three Hundred And Fifty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    "Inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened."


    Terry Pratchett - Moving Pictures


    It''s never the things you expect that blindside you. Which is kinda ''duh'', but still, it''s true.


    So yesterday after the universe screwed with my sense of everything by having the assault on Calverton''s docks go pretty much exactly according to plan, and Marie and Saffron and I screwed everything back into place so we could function more or less normally through the latter half of the day, we spent the rest of the day doing administrivia. Housekeeping shit, really, which meant for the afternoon we were all Maids, we just didn''t get the sexy uniform. Well, okay, what with us each having official ''Holy Garb'', we did, but that''s not the same as, y''know, that Maid thing. No idea why that''s hot, it just is.


    By the time we all got home, none of us were in the mood to party, not even therapeutically, so we all just stripped and collapsed on the floor. One of Marie stayed upright long enough to hang Menace''s hang glider up, but even Marie didn''t have the get up and go to put our laundry anywhere but where we''d dropped it. After spending a little bit of time lying there just barely in contact with one another, we''d cooled off to the point we could snuggle up and fall asleep.


    Chibi chef Marie took the lead of the sous chefs, all of them yeeting shrimp while Mimic danced with the psychedelic psychotropic tadpoles coating the Bay. She still wouldn''t touch the docks, and her bitching about the big uncomfortable rock in the middle of the Bay didn''t let up in the slightest. Still, it was pretty, I dunno, itchy. Like a rock covered in sharp pointy bits that had laid out in the sun all day. Also, even if most of it rose straight up, Calverton still stank like rotting meat.


    Woke up to Menace looking at me again. The moment my eyes opened, she started up with, "fye?"


    I chuckled a little. "Not today, Menace. Gotta pay attention to what''s going on down in Calverton now. Maybe tomorrow or Saturday, okay?"


    That got a little bit of a pout, but we had stayed out all day yesterday. Honestly, I think she needed some napping today, because before her pout got too whiny, her face split open in a huge yawn. "Did you sleep okay, sweetie?"


    "Yah. Ahm..." She interrupted herself with another huge yawn. "Na tired."


    "Okay. Everybody ready for breakfast?"


    "Mmm kay," muttered Saffron, still taste testing the world.


    I rolled up off the floor and set Isnomi on her butt with her legs dangling off the desk, then pulled out one of her uniforms and dressed her up. Something deep inside still caught feels when I saw the little ''Aetos-Diaz'' nametag on her jacket breast. I swear, it''s the little things that get you.


    Once I had her dressed, I took the time to pull on The Dress and her boots. At a sleepy yet pointed frown from Isnomi, I laughed and pulled on my silk panties, then hefted her onto my hip. "You two ready?"


    After another minute of getting things just so, we all walked down to the Dining Hall. Yeah, there were faster ways, but sometimes it''s nice to take things slow and have some time with the family.


    When we got there, a corncake and tortilla greeted each of us, but we also had a tray of spicy eggs, some jalapeno scrapple, and some sausages. Hard sausages rather than the breakfast ones I expected, but honestly that wasn''t a big problem for me. I set a pair next to my plate and tucked in. Isnomi cleaned up her tortilla, her corncake, most of Saffron''s tortilla, and was halfway through my tortilla when she just sorta flopped over into it face first. I just nudged her face around to make sure she could breathe, then finished feeding all available corncake to Saffron. "She needs the food to grow, but I swear I''m going to wind up fat if you keep feeding me like this."


    "Oh. No. Not more squish on my Saffron. Whatever. Will I. Do?"


    She laughed. "You realize if I gain too much weight I might not fit in this dress."


    "Like Conrad can''t make alterations. If it''s not self-altering or some similar shit."


    She tilted her head. "You really don''t care, do you?"


    "Nope. Gonna fuck the shit out of you every chance I get while you''re young and perky and limber, though."


    She frowned. "You mean we''re going to stop once I''m old and saggy and sore?"


    "Pfft. As if. If you don''t get tired of me leaving you too sore to walk every day I''m still gonna do it then. Fair warning." From down at the end of the table, Raven snorted. "Not gonna tell us to go get a room?"


    She shrugged. "Eh. You''re not being sappy, just horny. I can tolerate that."


    I thought about taunting her with some of the shit I''d done down in Norfolk, but then Isnomi stirred, and I decided that could wait for some time when we didn''t have little pitchers with big ears. "Cool cool. Marie, can you take our sleeping princess for the day?"


    "Yes."


    "Cool. I''m off to work, Kitten."


    She motioned me toward her, and when I leaned over she gave me a sticky sweet sloppy kiss. When I pulled away, she licked her lips and said, "a little bit of flavor for the road."


    I rolled my eyes, laughed, snagged my sausages, and stepped down to the deck of the Black Dragon. Swanson joined me shortly thereafter. "Majesty, as you commanded yesterday, we''ve fortified all approaches to the docks, every unit has simplified signal flags, the Heroes and Jarls are in teams and shifts, and we''re prepared to ''leapfrog'' in as you''ve commanded."


    I nodded. "Set it off as soon as you''re ready."


    He nodded, took half a step, then stopped. "If I may ask?"


    "Hit me."


    "Why?''


    "Why what?"


    It took him a moment. "Why didn''t we push forward? We had the initiative."


    "Two big reasons, and if neither pans out, it''s on me." When he nodded, I continued. "First of all, that whole ''strike while the enemy is reeling'' thing only works against troops that worry about morale. Did any of the Undead break?"


    "No, Majesty. They stood and fought."


    "Yep. Thought so. We lose anybody?"


    He shook his head. "Between our numbers and our quality advantage, while we took some casualties who are resting below, we''ve had no fatalities as of yet."


    "There''s part of the other part. We''re never going to win a war of attrition, or a war of endurance. If we burn through all our energy and kill ninety percent of the undead, the remaining ten percent won''t hesitate because all their friends are gone. They''ll just come at us while we''re trying to rest, then kill enough of us to restore their numbers, and then we''re power fucked. No, the way to beat these guys is to go in, each and every day, and kill off as many as we can without tiring out or getting cut off or any shit like that. Yeah, locally, in the moment, we gotta overpower them, wreck their shit, but long term we''ve got to make sure that we''re losing as few people as possible, and that we always have fighters ready to step up and fight, because the moment enough of us are tired? They will absolutely come in all at once and wreck our shit."


    He blew out a huge lungful of air. "You make this sound more like harvesting than battle."


    "No shit. It''s a job. Yeah, there will be moments of Glory. We''ll hit their fallen Heroes, and I''m especially not looking forward to facing their Mages. But for most of them? The walking dead who used to be cooks and cobblers and shit? We just gotta cut them down, one at a time, like felling trees. And just like felling trees, we gotta be careful, or someone''s gonna get a log shoved up their ass."


    The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.


    "I... don''t think that actually happens to lumberjacks, Majesty."


    "Hell of an image, though, ain''t it?"


    He smiled. "I suppose so. Well. I''ll be about it, then?"


    "Yep. Marie and I are going to the tower for overwatch. One of us will let the reserves know if we see a yellow flag. If we see a red flag, we''ll be there."


    "Yes, Majesty." He saluted, fist to chest, then walked off to the bridge, where they''d set up a kind of semaphore on the roof. I climbed up to the top of the forward tower, Marie right behind me, and set to scanning for flags. This conquest was turning out to be boring as shit.


    Which was absolutely the way I wanted it. Seriously. I had enough excitement watching Menace fly and enough surprises with Kitten urging Marie to experiment. This was my first time commanding a military action, and if the whole fuckin'' thing went into the books as the most boring military action ever, I would order tubs of honey to bathe in before throwing myself at Saffron to celebrate.


    If everything went according to plan, most of the retaking of Calverton would be an extermination, not a battle, running or otherwise.


    Of course, I knew about plans and the enemy, which is why Marie and I were on overwatch. The moment our Heroic guys hit something they couldn''t stomp, we''d go in, stomp it flat, and let our boys paint the lines. Or the moment our troops defending our ever-less-hasty fortifications saw something coming they weren''t absolutely certain they could execute without casualties, we''d do the same.


    So Marie and I watched. By mid-morning, she''d braced herself and I''d leaned back into her, my eyes full of Calverton, my nose full of the sea and Marie''s fuzzy musk, my ears teased by the faint sounds of wind and wave against the hull.


    Daughter, you''re needed.


    What''s up, Boss?


    I felt a hand in mine. You''re needed NOW.


    I handed Marie the binoculars and said, "I''ll be right back," then tugged on the hand. The next moment I stood in M-Space.


    A shadowy silhouetted figure stood before me, oddly familiar. Blend before moving to the Mortal Realm.


    I pushed my Blend up until when I moved, the silhouette didn''t track me, then stepped across. I stood in a small, dim room, the windows curtained and shuttered, the heat oppressive. A dozen robed and masked people stood facing one end of the room, where a pair of robed figures helped a decrepit elderly person lay back onto a table.


    No, not a table, I realized, as a woman in a dress twin to Glowing Midnight stepped up, a long, thin blade in hand. As I looked at it, I realized it wasn''t so much a ''blade'' as a stiletto, more point and spike than edge. After a moment more I realized it wasn''t reflecting light, it glowed slightly. Barely an Enchantment, nothing to make it a more effective weapon, just enough to make it glow in the darkened room. The hilt looked really odd until I realized it wasn''t a hilt, but a handle, letting the spike and point emerge from between the Priestess'' knuckles.


    From that angle, in the dim room, it bore a surprising resemblance to a very silent Mana Blade.


    I almost leapt when she laid the Blade along the sacrifice to be''s torso, the tip above her heart. Wait, Daughter.


    This bitch is about to sacrifice...


    Listen!


    "Are you certain?"


    The old person on the altar, so old I couldn''t tell even from their voice whether they were a man or a woman, wheezed out "Yes."


    "That none might question, please, say why."


    The ancient nodded, grimacing as they did, then croaked out. "I hurt. Always, waking and sleeping. It eats me, moment by moment."


    The Priestess nodded, but asked, "you cannot wait for Her?"


    The old one wobbled their head back and forth. "There will be nothing left of me for Her if pain eats all of me away."


    Another nod. "We have offered you Healing?"


    "Tried. You tried. Can''t. Just... old."


    I could heal her.


    Perhaps. Perhaps not. She is older than she looks. Time itself has worn her down, and even if you healed all the damage her failing body has done to itself, it would only start once more the moment you turned away.


    I... I could make her young again.


    Would you do that for everyone?


    I... I don''t think I could.


    So you would single her out? Why?


    Sweat dripped down my face in the heat. Fuck, Boss. What can I do?


    You can accept, and carry her home.


    I don''t know the way.


    I am here for you, Daughter. I will help as you need it.


    I nodded, then stepped up to the table, my Blend still keeping me the ghost of a breeze across masked, sweating faces.


    The Priestess had the Blade in her hand, the point resting against the old person''s chest as they wheezed out, "I, Aiden Miller, give my life to Mimic."


    "May she know your Soul as her own." The Priestess'' arm tensed, and before she could move my hand lashed out, grabbed hers. She shoved, and my hand moved about as much as it would have holding the Menace up. Less, probably. I leaned over to put my lips next to the old... Aiden''s ear and whispered, "Sleep." pushing Mana and Will behind my words as I did. Aiden''s eyes fluttered closed, breath streamed and steamed. I reached out, scooped her Soul up, and stepped to M-Space, the land of Souls.


    I dropped my Blend as the old woman blinked, her form shifting as I watched, the years falling away until I held someone not much older than me. She shook her head, looked at me again, and laughed. "It''s you."


    I smiled. "It''s me."


    That got a laugh. "Fuckin'' Oranges would shit a brick sideways if they knew."


    I laughed with her, ephemeral tentacles more real than anything else in M-Space lifting us both up through a dark forest of their kin until we emerged, miles in the air, sun brilliant overhead, wind whipping across what looked almost like an endless field of flowing black grass. "Yeah, prolly would."


    "Is this... is this where I end up?" She looked around. "Little bit lonely, but it''s beautiful."


    I looked around. I guess it kinda was. Simple, but not awful. Of course, she didn''t notice how the ''grass'' didn''t move with the breeze, but slowly shifted to carry everything south and west to where I knew a maw big enough to suck down the Hudson waited. Something told me that unlike the endless Saffrons, Maries, and sous chefs, Aiden wouldn''t wind up getting yeeted and eated more than once. I smiled at her. "Yeah, it is pretty, but it''s not really safe for you. M... I''m maybe a little more than a little hungry."


    She froze, then shook her head. "Now?"


    I might have smirked a little at her. "Always."


    She nodded. "It was a good life. Well, except that part at the end. That sucked. Okay, growing up on the streets of Newark sucked. Working in a bakery in the summer sucked ass, hard, because the smell of sweat sure as shit overcame the smell of bread and pie." She glanced down my front. "Always nice to have somebody who likes a good pie, though." Then she sighed. "Guess I get et one last time, huh?"


    I laughed, tilting my head. "Is that really what you want? I mean, I don''t have much in the way of an afterlife set up yet, but..."


    "You''re hungry?"


    The smell of her, sweat and sweet in equal portions, wafted across me and my stomach rumbled. "Always."


    "But you''d still give me up?"


    I shrugged, thinking about my urges while talking some of them out. "Call it giving you as much time as you need to be who you need to be in the afterlife. You can always decide getting eaten one last time is what you want. Or maybe you''ll find something else to be. Someone else to be. I''m still a little iffy on the whole reincarnation thing, but if I figure that out, I guess you could do that too."


    "You would." She slipped free of my arms, knelt at my feet, kissed my hands, even as the grass tugged us around and tried to drag her away from me. "Forgive me, Goddess, but I would have... more time?"


    I nodded, then scooped her into my arms. Boss?


    A hand laced fingers through mine, and when I stepped forward we stood in front of a huge, gloomy, gray long house surrounded by thousands upon thousands of gray buildings, themselves surrounded by a gray moor under a gray sky. In the distance a huge gray boat lay moored to a gray dock extending into a gray, vaguely stormy sea.


    I recognized the woman from Heracles'' party standing in the door to the long house. "Father told me you were coming."


    I nodded. "Lady Hel. Did he tell you who I am?"


    She cocked her head. "His Champion and Highest Priestess?"


    I think I smirked. "Yeah. Let''s go with that. Um... has he brought anybody here recently?"


    "Not... exactly?" When I raised an eyebrow she said, "Souls have been guided in. Not by him, nor by any I recognize."


    "Not Valkyrie?"


    She spat on the stones. "Those bitches wouldn''t dirty their lungs with my air. Not that I''d let them."


    "Fair. Not really my lookout at the moment, but... they aren''t a problem?"


    She shrugged again. "No more than any others. Less than most."


    "So it''s okay if she stays?" I looked down, and realized the only splashes of color were The Dress and Aiden''s Soul, which grayed a bit while I watched. Hel nodded, but I had a new problem, it looked like. "Well. Shit. Do you like it this gray?"


    She snorted. "What God or Goddess of the Sun would deign to lighten my domain?"


    "Have you asked?"


    She towered over me in that instant. "Who would you have me beg, then? Sol? Elatha? Apollo?"


    I stood straight and unbowed in the face of her anger. "No begging. But, y''know, you asking for a touch of the sun, a nice one, would make it clear you wouldn''t consider it some kind of attack."


    "Should some deity of sky see fit to brighten my domain? Without lighting it on fire, or some other perversion of my desire for my people to have some small joy in their afterlife? I should be grateful enough to thank them politely, despite any frustration I might feel at them waiting so long."


    "So... you want a friendly touch of some pleasant sunshine here?"


    She rolled her eyes. "Yes?"


    I grinned down at Aiden, who grinned back. I looked up into a cloudy sky. "Anything important up there?" When she looked on in confusion, I said, "just checking." A black tentacle the width of a tornado swept through the sky from west to east, clearing the clouds and showing a gray, stony sky above them. With a burst of Mana, it hammered into that sky, cleaving clear a single stripe of sky. Stars shone down. I pushed, and false dawn colored the sky to the east. "Best I can do on short notice. Might need to tweak it later in the year. Just lemme.... Let Loki know, he''ll tell me what needs fixing."


    Hel just stared at me. "Who are you?"


    I grinned, set Aiden on her feet, raised a finger to my lips, and said, "shh." Then I winked at Aiden, nodded politely to Hel, and stepped back to the Black Dragon.


    Night had fallen while I was away. Marie looked at the sky, looked at me, and said, "Early."


    "Shit happened. So. Helheim?" She had the grace to look a little embarrassed. I hopped up, her arms slipping under my ass as mine wrapped around her neck. "Thanks, Murder Mittens."


    Her tongue invaded my mouth as she thought back, Welcome, Vlickies.

 Day Three Hundred And Fifty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    "The first virtue in a soldier is endurance of fatigue; courage is only the second virtue."


    - Napoleon Bonaparte


    Y''know, most of the meat of these fuckin'' self help books is just recycled glurge, but some of the quotes speak to me.


    Like, after yesterday you''d think I''d feel physically tired, what with altering the basic structure of one of the major realms in M-Space, and maybe mentally jazzed after giving one of my followers not just a painless death, but a personal escort to Helheim and shit. By the time I got home, though, my brain was just mush and my body actually felt kinda good. Zero idea why.


    Last night was weird. Chibi Chef Saffron put in an appearance, taking the Nestea Plunge into my maw before soup dumpling bursting with the kind of force that would leave me with soupkkake all over my face, if I had one. Not much auto-yeeting by chibi Chef Marie, because she mostly wound up playing traffic controller for the sous chefs, who hit my mouth with the kind of speed and impact you''d normally require automatic weapons fire to achieve. Shrimp were involved, somehow, but I couldn''t really get any idea of how or why, what with being utterly overwhelmed in a very good way by the passion of the sous chefs. The psychotropic psychedelic tadpoles even slowed down their dance floor antics like they could only stare in awe and wonder at the sous chef bean blasting.


    Heh. Bean blasting.


    Anyway, woke up to the Menace staring at me again. Dunno why she''s waking up early, but she has been, and she''s got one thing on the brain. "Fye!"


    I laughed. "Tell you what, Menace. If I can convinced Marie and your Mom to join us, we''ll take you flying today, but only if you promise to stay in sight of the Practice Yard. I feel the need to get some training in today."


    "Ah-Tay!" She bounced off of me and moved over to her mom, carefully creeping up until she hovered inches from her face.


    Meanwhile Marie chuckled and murmured, "Scamp."


    "She is, ain''t she?" I snuggled Marie''s thigh, then got an idea. Definitely one of those ''probably wrong somehow, but I really wanna'', and I couldn''t think of why it would be wrong, so I slow crawled my way up Marie until my chin rested on her shoulder. "Hey, Murder Mittens, could you maybe whip something up really fast with your stitch-witchery?" At her raised eyebrow, I whispered what I wanted, watching the slow grin slip across her face.


    Right about then Saffron started her startup, and I held my breath watching as her nose wrinkled more than normal at Isnomi''s proximity. I think she might have brushed her tongue against the little one''s chin, because her eyes popped open and she spat out, "blech. You, my girl, need a bath."


    "Bath time this morning, or tonight? Here or at Lancaster House?"


    Saffron hefted Isnomi to the side, smiled at me, and said, "good morning to you too, Goof. Why not both?"


    "Fair." I grabbed all three of them and a moment later all of us lay on the floor in the bathroom at our Lancaster House suite. I had to ask Larry how long we could keep using the place like it was ours at some point. Maybe later today if I remembered, which meant it wouldn''t happen today, because we all know my memory is shit.


    While Marie and Saffron set to heating the bath water, I talked with Isnomi about angles and sight lines, since if she knew what I wanted her to do, she got way less mulish about staying just inside the dotted lines. She''d totally go right up alongside of them, pushing the limits, but so far she''d avoided crossing them without permission. I thought about that for a bit as we talked, and realized the last time I remembered her doing something we''d clearly marked as off limits without prior permission had to be the time she''d stabbed me with one of Vulcan''s bolts by accident.


    "So, you get where I want you to stay?"


    "Yeth!"


    "Cool. You might want to stay low some, too."


    She brought out The Question. "Why?"


    This time I was ready for it, though. "I''m gonna try some cool shit today, you might want to see it!"


    Her eyes got big, but she didn''t say anything. She just nodded. Right about then Saffron called us to join her in the bathtub. The vision of her in a tub mostly full of steamy water really activated some neurons, made me regret having Isnomi along on this outing just the littlest bit, but I took the high road of not yeeting the daughter of my heart to Mars and just carried her into the tub with us. Because while I carried her I knew she wasn''t looking at my face, and if I couldn''t treat my wife as terrain, I sure as shit intended to admire the scenery. Achievement get: Leer at wife.


    She smiled and splashed me a little once she was in. Marie knelt next to the bath and mainly handled Isnomi while Saffron and I scrubbed each other down. Once the water got a little soapy some subsurface hijinks may have occurred, but nothing conclusive, just good old fashioned family bath fun time. Really old fashioned. Marie smiled as she watched us, then insisted we each let her scrub our hair, because, and I quote, "Sloppy."


    Whatever. Not gonna complain about Marie head scrubbing. That shit loosens up my entire body like some kind of reverse phrenology based massage. She actually let the Menace play around scrubbing our fronts with a big old loofa sponge while she pulled our heads out so they leaned against the edge of the tub and combed our hair out. "Hey, Marie?"


    "Yes?"


    "Can you put mine up a little? Like, a pony tail or something? I''m gonna be doing some wacky shit in the Practice Yard, and I''d rather not spoil your combing by getting it all windblown and shit."


    She just nodded, then when she finished combing my hair out, she started twisting it. I couldn''t really watch her, but I swear at one point she damn near ripped my whole fuckin'' scalp off. Still, I didn''t hear or feel a single strand snap, just a lot of tugging and pulling. When she finished she lifted me straight up out of the tub and set me on my feet to towel me down. Then she crane-lifted Menace out of the tub and handed her to me along with another towel. When the little one stared at my head wide-eyed, then reached for my hair, Marie grabbed her wrist in two fingers, "No."


    I don''t think I''ve ever seen Isnomi get told ''no'' straight up and not pout or shit before. Marie Maenad Mommy Magic for the win? At any rate, the little one didn''t reach again, and didn''t give me any grief while toweling her dry except when the towel came between her eyes and my hair. Really weirded me out, but screw it, I''d asked for whatever it was, and I couldn''t actually feel my hair on my back, so whatever it was it seemed to be working.


    By the time I had Menace dry, Marie lifted Saffron out of the tub like she''d done to me, setting her on her feet facing me. Her eyes shot wide the moment she saw me, and she half-stepped toward me, one hand going up, only to be pincered at the wrist by a pair of Marie claws. "No."


    Saffron whined. Like, straight up sounded like the muscles in her arm were overstrained machinery kind of whining. She half turned her face to Marie without ever taking her eyes off my head. "Please?"


    Marie just smiled and said, "Later."


    Saffron took a deep breath, blew it out through her nose, and muttered, "I do not know what Hilde tastes like, I have self-control. I can wait." Then she blinked, looked at my hair again, and said, "I don''t want to though." Marie just grinned, reached out and took my chin between two fingers and turned my head back and forth while Saffron whimpered. "Oh, you are an incredibly cruel bitch."


    "Yes."


    That got a laugh out of my petite wife. Who is presently my only wife, no matter how many times my subconscious forgets that. Wait, if D is technically married to the Maenads, and we marry Marie, are we now technically his wives too? Do we become Maenads at that point, or does it not work that way? I''d have to figure that out before the day, because I really don''t want to wind up becoming an utter hosebeast in his presence. More of one, anyway. Oh, lord, now I''m wondering if that''ll form some kind of weird hosebeast singularity.


    The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.


    With Saffron toweled dry, Marie scooped up Isnomi, pulled Saffron up with her other hand, wrapped her tail around my waist, and stepped us all back to the suite. Of course, she Co-Located Saffron, me, and herself while she did so; two each of Saffron and I stood with our own Marie valet. Even Isnomi had a Marie kitting her out in her flight suit. I smiled up at both of my Maries and said, "you really love playing dress up dolls with us, don''t you?"


    "Yes!"


    That set Saffron and I to laughing, not enough to interrupt our valets, but enough to enjoy the entire process of being primped and prodded and dressed up in our outfits for the day. Both of me got chided a little for turning to stare at one Saffron as Marie dressed her in Glowing Midnight, one bit at a time, like a squire armoring her knight. I''d always kind of wondered how she looked with the boots off, because I never really got a chance to see her with the stockings and garters on and the boots off. I think it would require extensive detailed study over several weeks to tell whose general waist to knee region was in fact finer between Saffron and Sigyn, but I''m pretty sure I wouldn''t get buy in from Loki on that kind of thing.


    The difficult part will be convincing them to strut about for us to ogle for weeks on end, really.


    Will? Not would?


    I know what I said.


    Thanks Boss, you''re the best.


    I know.


    I swear watching every part slide into place was like the erotic version of one of those Mecha anime scenes. Okay, no, I know exactly what it was I was watching. The slowed down, manual, excruciatingly paused version of a Magical Girl transformation sequence.


    Totally fuckin'' appropriate, now that I think about it.


    Of course, while one of Marie did that and another dressed Menace in her flight suit, two more put my uniform on one of me and The Dress on the other. Of course Saffron cooperated fully with her valet, while I kept turning or moving at inopportune moments to get a better view on some fastener getting clipped in place, or watching Saffron''s thigh flex as her heel slipped into her boot. I swear, I could watch that shit all day.


    Meanwhile, one Saffron just stood there, looking at first confused, then perturbed, then suspicious, and finally kind of amusedly resigned. Fully naked, too, since her Marie valet hadn''t seen fit to start dressing her yet. When the rest of us were dressed, she folded her arms across her, need I remind anyone, ample bosom, and said, "so, will this be some kind of payback for the way I dressed you during your fight against Gregor and his Champions?"


    "Huh?" It took me a second, then when I got it I shook my head and said, "oh, hell no. That was totally hot. I mean, this will be too." At that point her Marie valet held out one hand, opened it just a little, and maybe four square inches of black silk held up by a few dozen thin silk cords dangled. "You need to work on your tan!"


    She blinked, then hesitantly said, "as My Goddess wishes?" A moment later Marie had the bikini top on her, and the results of my darling Marie''s sartorial witchery added just the tiniest bit of extra gravity defying awesomeness to Saffron''s upper assets. Saffron''s eyes popped out a little when the thong slipped into place and Marie snugged it down, then she glanced at herself. Co-Location is kinda handy when you''ve got an extra of you to take a look at how you look. Which I always forget, but when I glanced at myself I got a look at my hair and realized that Marie had not only put about eighty percent of mine into the densest French braid I''d ever seen, she''d braided the remainder into a kind of pointy crown updo atop my head.


    Saffron interrupted my examination of my hair, saying, "Are you sure this isn''t revenge for your gladiator outfit?"


    I shook my head. "No, no, you''re getting it all wrong. I might have been a little surprised at you putting my shit out there like that, but I ain''t even mad. That was hot! I mean, not as hot as..." I trailed off as I waved at bikini-clad Saffron.


    She pouted, a cute little moue which melted into a Grin. "Two conditions. First, you will be wearing this next time we all have a day in the sun."


    "No." Saffron blinked at Marie''s flat denial, but before she could argue, Marie said, "Red."


    Saffron frowned, snorted, and replied, "Fine. You are, after all, quite clearly the most Skilled of us in matters sartorial. But, and I will brook no argument on this, so don''t even try." She stepped directly up to Marie, forcing her to look down at her. "Yours will be white."


    "Oh, yeah. That''ll definitely set off that pink blush she''ll have wearing it all day."


    Marie just stood there with her mouth open a little, face a beautiful shade of pink. Saffron nodded, then asked, "one of you will be accompanying each of us on our Alliance duties today?"


    "Yes."


    She started the process of collapsing herself, but somehow Saffron stopped her before she did. My Kitten waved a hand, and two Maries stood there as naked as we''d all been earlier. "Well then, both of you ought be dressed in your High Priestess garb, ought you not?"


    That pink shade covered way more real estate than just her face. When I thought at her, we''re waiting, Murder Mittens, my favorite fuzzy High Priestess, it went global. I scooted over, my uniformed self behind bikini Saffron, the me in The Dress behind Saffron in Glowing Midnight, and let her lean back against me as we watched two of the three remaining Maid Maries dress her two selves who would accompany us today. Before they did so much as pull their garter belts around themselves, Isnomi sighed, hopped to the floor, and led her Marie over under her glider. "Aww siwwy." Then, with her Marie and Glider in tow, she tromped off out the door.


    Meanwhile, the moment she was gone, I said, "wait." When everybody in the room looked at me, I looked both naked Maries in the eye and asked, "is this too much?"


    "maybe"


    "Do you want to stop?"


    "No!"


    Due diligence done, I leaned back against both corners of the desk, pulled Saffron to lean against me, and enjoyed the show. Took a little longer than it had with Saffron, at least in part because of the extra pronounced joint in Marie''s boot, but by the end her purrs shook even our padded little suite. She stepped up to the pair of us dressed for Alliance duties, took us by the hand, and stepped us to our daily tasks.


    The two of us set up for the roof and Practice Yard hopped up there, and after laying down a towel and seeing Saffron settled on it, as well as making sure the sun knew its job for the day, I yeeted our daughter off into the wild blue yonder. That done, I stepped down to the Practice Yard and started working on my ''Swift Foot'' practice. I knew I couldn''t get it as a Skill, but I''d felt something getting easier last time I channeled Mana into my limbs and practiced like the book said to, so I did it again, only moreso. By midday I''d managed to not only make it all the way along one of the long walls of the Practice Yard, I''d also angled myself upward and, though my uniform was doing a great sponge impression, made it up to the roof without Translocating.


    Meanwhile down in Calverton Bay Marie and I spent a mostly uneventful day. At one point a yellow flag popped up a few blocks from the docks, and I hopped over to tell Svart, who was our Commander on the docks, what with him having a full suit of fuckin'' Cold Iron enhanced plate mail, where we needed some reinforcements. He sent over two units of Heroes, with orders for the Calverton Mage with the second unit to pop off some kind of flare spell if they needed more.


    Early in the afternoon a red flag went up above a barricade blocking off an alleyway. Marie and I didn''t hesitate; we Co-Located over behind the squads of troops assigned to that alley, then sprinted forward in unison, leaping to the top of the wall to see an equal number of Undead, all armed and armored like pre-Plague Calverton Soldiers, halfway down the alley and picking up speed.


    Marie went high, I went low. She broke their pikes and more than a few necks, while I landed, one knee on the ground, and poured Mana into Smite after Smite, tagging the Undead right before they got to me. After maybe five minutes of that with zero Undead showing any signs of turning to anything but piles of ash, I''d hit the point where concentrating on Shaping Smite had gotten a little fatiguing. I whipped out my swordstaff, started it spinning, and nodded to Marie. She leapt down and we spun through the crowd, back to back, blades ripping through the Undead Soldiers like deli slicers through lettuce. Five minutes after that, the last of the Undead fell, and after a quick glance back and forth to make sure we weren''t missing any, we jogged back and jumped up to the top of the wall.


    "Sorry, Majesty. Sorry, Ma''am. We really weren''t sure we could hold."


    I shook my head, clapping one hand on his shoulder. "You made the call?"


    He finished folding up the red flag he''d waved. "Yeah. Sorry."


    "Don''t be. I''d rather she and I get a little workout than even one of you winds up like them." I nodded down to the gore-slick ground of the alley. Realizing he still might give himself shit about it, I pulled him into a hug, very deliberately snugging him in enough to be very aware of my pernicious lack of bra. "You done good, troop. Keep up the good work." Then Marie and I Co-Located back to the pair of us still watching from the Black Dragon.


    She raised an eyebrow when she looked at me, and I explained. "If I gotta use some dude''s libido to convince them all to call for help rather than risk losing a unit or a passage or both to the undead? Oh, noes! Troops might lust after my rock hard ass!" She grinned and shook her head. "Seriously, what''s the worst that happens? I wind up having to pull a train for the dudes who call us in the most appropriately or some shit? Whatever." She just snorted, and we went back to watching for flags. Not like I hadn''t done sketchier shit in my life, and at least this I could argue was absolutely in a good cause.


    When the sun touched the horizon, as the group of us on the roof started packing up, a Marie appeared next to each of rooftop Saffron and I. A moment later my rooftop self and Glowing Midnight clad Saffron stood in the suite next to a Marie holding Menace and her glider. Marie''s tub sat in the middle of the room, and a cart overloaded with steaming kettles stood next to the connecting door. As a crowing Menace shed her flight suit hollering, "BAFF TIME!" Marie turned to the pair of us.


    "Well?" She folded her arm across her chest. When we both looked at her a little confused, she said, "Strip."


    I shook my head as I turned to Saffron. "Yeah, this would be called ''consequences for your earlier actions."


    Of course, Saffron was already peeling Glowing Midnight off piece by piece, staring at my hair the entire time while I pulled my uniform off with about as much elegance. I didn''t really have any attention to spare for that, though, because Marie had dropped the other pair of us, me in The Dress and her in her new bikini, on opposite sides of the Love Shack from each other. My entire brain seized up, because I really had spent the day working out, and hadn''t gotten a good look at Saffron.


    Sun. Kissed. If any part of her wasn''t yet, it was about to fuckin'' be.


    Final count? Three very small parts.

 Day Three Hundred And Fifty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    "If you trust in yourself... and believe in your dreams... and follow your star... you''ll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren''t so lazy."


    - Terry Pratchett


    It''s weird how the folks who make shit better are typically the ones who do boring, reliable, everyday shit, but the ones we praise and heap rewards on are the ones who do crazy high risk shit. I mean, I get it, one bear will wreck an entire village unless somebody goes out and bears the burden of burdening the bear, so we gotta give somebody props when they step up. But even there, if instead of relying on the rage of adrenaline junkies, we build a really good fence, keep all the smelly garbage contained, and leave the bear unmolested while it''s doing its salmonquest shit, the bear suddenly has no reason to be up in our grill trying to steal shit off our grill.


    Heh. I remember this old track that got popular as backing audio for stupid internet videos for a while, one line went ''when at last, I''m with you, our embrace, will shake the room''. Suffice to say that the Love Shack did in fact shake last night. No idea whatsoever why Saffron wants to see me in a bikini, but holy fuckballs does she have the curves to pull that shit off. Or, y''know, to inspire others to pull it off.


    Fell asleep down there, woke up in bed. Mimic dreams were mostly back to normal, chibi Chef Marie has the sous chefs back under control, and the psychotropic psychedelic tadpoles have most of the Chesapeake lit up now. Shit''s like dancing hamster elder meme meets that Travolta movie from before the dawn of time. No idea why Mimic or I would get disco imagery in our heads. I''d say disco inferno, but, y''know, water tends not to burn.


    Weird fuckin'' dream. Gotta wonder if that Rich Man''s Port fae garden in M-Space is fucking with Mimic''s head or something.


    Woke up with Saffron and I each half buried under a purring Marie. I looked up at our vigilant guardian Marie from the safety of her lap, smiled, and said, "if I didn''t know any better, I''d think you enjoyed last night more than either of us."


    She nodded and confirmed my thought when she said, "Yes."


    "You know we love you, right?"


    Her lips curved in a confused, wondering, but happy smile. "yes?"


    "Well. We do. And while it is totally not just about sex, you don''t have to hold yourself out just for our sakes." When she frowned thoughtfully, I realized I might not have understood her when she grinned down at me.


    "Not."


    I wrapped my arms around her waist and snuggled in to wait for the rest of the family to wake up. "Okay."


    When Saffron and Menace finally woke up, we all helped one another get dressed for the day. Maybe not as hot as yesterday, but definitely more fun. Okay, some fun hot overlap when it came to getting to tighten up Marie''s corsetry. Did not realize she could make those squeaky noises. Then again, I''m not sure she knew she could make those squeaky noises. Of course, I learned some nice things too, stuff I hadn''t really realized from taking Glowing Midnight off of Saffron, because I''d always been too focused on the contents to pay attention to the packaging. The boning in the corsetry was neither thin nor narrow. I also suspect it wasn''t made of something as relatively flimsy as steel. Even if the ''armor'' Conrad added for dress up on Gladiator Day didn''t protect my Kitten from the front and rear, her corsetry would make it a lot harder for anybody to damage her precious torso meats.


    I don''t think Murder Mittens would ever let someone stab her, but I felt better knowing she''d have that kind of protection too. Which brought something to mind. "Hey, Marie?"


    She smiled down at me as I carefully tugged her boots up. "Vlickies?"


    "If I asked you to, could you wear Glowing Midnight''s corsetry under your Maid uniform?"


    She rolled her eyes a bit, then tilted her head to think about it for a moment before replying, "Yes."


    I let out a surprisingly fervent sigh of relief. "Oh, good. I don''t like the thought of you getting stabbed in the unprotected gut by some asshole Undead down in Calverton."


    Every Marie in the room froze, then turned to watch as the one I was dressing turned, lifted me by the armpits, and kissed me until my head spun. Then she put me back down, blushing, and I finished getting her into her Holy Garb. "Oh."


    Saffron chuckled, but her smile showed something sad behind it. "Not even D?"


    Marie just shook her head.


    It took me until we were all finished dressing to get it. When I did I kept my mouth shut until we saw Menace off on her day of accompanying Marie doing Maid things. Then Saffron and I turned and, by unspoken accord, herded all the Maries in the room into a single little bunch before putting our arms around them and squeezing. "I guess everybody who knows you enough to know you''re gonna be doing crazy dangerous shit thinks of you as the most dangerous thing they''ll ever see."


    She purred, but muttered, "Am."


    Saffron snorted, "the Goof might rival you, beloved Maenad. She definitely understands the more important part, though." We''d all sort of collapsed into one of each of us, and Marie and I both looked down into Saffron''s earnest eyes. "Everyone who knows anything about Maenads knows that no matter what happens to you, so long as Sparagmos occurs you''ll return the next sunrise, stronger than ever. But... it still hurts, doesn''t it?" Marie froze. "We all know how much you adore playing with pain, but it''s not always like that, is it?" Marie just stood there, slumping into us. "Beloved Maenad, would that I could make a world where you would never feel unwanted pain again. Nor the pain of being unwanted. For who you are, not what you are."


    Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    We got a late start on the day. Maybe a bit of a damp one, too. Fuck it. Worth.


    By midday I''d begun to have a suspicion about that one alley. Red flag popped up, and before we Co-Located over, I lay a hand on Marie''s forearm and said, "follow." When I hopped to the docks, I hopped further away than I had the day before, then sprinted up and leapt to the top. The far end of the alley had a small unit of Undead Soldiers. I looked around at the new unit on this alley''s defenses, realizing right then that these weren''t the same guys. Last time it had mostly been Cold Iron clad Calverton Soldiers, this time I recognized a few faces from the Dragonslayers. There also had to be at least twice as many.


    Of course, the Undead Soldiers weren''t the real problem. That would be the big assed dude backing them up, the pair of archers behind him, and a little robed somebody mostly hidden behind the archers. I turned to the guy who''d thrown the flag. "Sergeant?"


    "Yes, Ma''am?"


    "We''re goin'' in low. The moment you guys have an angle to shoot any of those fuckers in the back, you do so. Especially that one hiding all the way back there."


    He nodded, but looked doubtful. "You sure, Ma''am? We don''t want to hit you."


    I smiled at him, then tapped him on the shoulder with a loosely balled fist. "I got you, Sergeant. You hit us, it''s clearly the Mage''s fault for making the bolts curve or some shit."


    This time he looked way less doubtful. "Shoot at them there Heroes the moment we have a clear shot, focus fire on the Mage, don''t worry about hitting you two. Got it."


    A moment later the Undead Soldiers charged. Marie and I both dropped straight down to the base of what was now a two and a half story wall across the alley, then charged the enemy, weapons out, crouched low. I heard the first volley of bolts fly overhead, impacting on the big dude like steel rain. The Sergeant called out something like, "ranks rotate, volley fire from cover!"


    Then we were into the enemy Soldiers, taking them apart joint by joint. Another volley flew overhead, striking sparks from the armored dude. He grunted as at least two holes through his shield leaked black ooze, and one of his eyes had a bolt sticking out of it now. Solid helmet, catching a crossbow bolt that way. Of course, it might have been one of those like Gregor''s, because I couldn''t see his other eye. Then again, maybe he just didn''t need his eyes or brain any more.


    I let Marie step forward and continue culling the Soldiers while I took half a step back and charged up a Smite while steel flew back and forth. Arrows shot overhead, and I heard some screams, but I took some comfort in the fact that dead guys didn''t scream. The moment my Smite was ready, I darted through an opening Marie made and unleashed it right into the big fucker.


    Who just stood there and took it as it bounced off his fuckin'' armor. "I hate fuckin'' Cold Iron!'' I swore, then ducked under a slash from a big ugly sword he whipped around with one hand. I ended that particular bit of assholery by taking his arm off at the elbow, but that left me off balance. When he charged me with his shield, all I could do was get my arms up to block before he shoved me straight into the stone wall behind me. "Look, I''m all for being sandwiched, just ask my wife, but your B O is a deal breaker, dude."


    He didn''t get my humor. Instead of laughing he headbutted me. I did not like the ugly organic crack or the metallic twisting rending noise that came from that, but he staggered backward half a step, then rose into the air. For a moment I worried, until I realized he wasn''t flying or some shit. Marie had him by the back of the neck, and was using him as an Undead human shield to block the Archers while she removed his limbs one joint at a time.


    Of course, going hand to hand with Undead had the predictable result. I watched her wither in real time, and by the time she had his legs off, she went to one knee and crouched behind what remained of him, because I wasn''t sure she could lift him. I slid in with my sword staves and took his shield arm off, then used them like tongs, shoving one into each armpit and throwing him overhand at that fuckin'' Mage hiding behind the archers.


    Right before the big fucker got there, the Mage did something and the big dude slammed down right on top of the archers with some really nasty splurch noises. My sense of triumph was short lived, because the next moment the fucker''s Miasma rolled over Marie and I, driving me to my hands and knees and dropping her flat on her back. He tossed some kind of glowing green fire over my head, and an explosion rocked the top of the wall, but a moment later I heard a roaring battle cry followed by at least a dozen crossbows firing.


    Whatever the Mage had done with the big dude, he did it again. A few bolts flew past me. More than that hit my back, my shoulders, my ass, my thighs. Those fuckin'' stung, but not nearly as much as the one that, much like one had while I fought the Dragon, found the one big chink in my buns of steel.


    "MOTHERFUCKER!" I screamed, then Shaped the world''s biggest yet shittiest Smite. I didn''t release it immediately. I''d love to explain some fancy tactical reason, but anything other than ''he pissed me off'' would be a lie. I leapt forward and, hand blackening where I grabbed him by the collar of his robe, rammed the Smite directly down his fuckin'' throat, pouring Mana into it the whole goddamned time.


    He screamed, the sound an unholy mating of a human sized teakettle and a damned Soul. Every orifice on his body, tear ducts included, erupted in flames. Then the fucker exploded, which stung the fuck out of my hand, but mostly just threw Marie and I backward. She broke my fall, but did not sound like she liked it. "Murder Mittens? You okay?"


    "No."


    The awful Miasma I''d felt earlier was gone, so I said, "Head back, I''ll be along presently." When she dissipated, I kipped up, then stepped up to the top of the wall. The Sergeant stood there, wide eyed. I must have looked a mess, and I know I was pretty fuckin'' pissed, especially about the bolt lodged where the sun didn''t shine. "Sergeant?"


    "Yes, Ma''am?" When I paused, mostly to get my own fuckin'' head straight, he stammered out, "I''m sor..."


    I interrupted him by grabbing him by his hard leather plastron, shoving him against the wall, and taste testing his tonsils for a few seconds. When I pulled away, with the entire unit standing there shocked into silence, I winked at him and said, "that''s for following my fuckin'' orders to the fuckin'' letter. Good job. That big fucker has a bunch of Cold Iron on him; recover it and anything else useful, but be careful of the Miasma." Then I pulled him in for a quick hug, whispering, "sorry if you''re, y''know, not into chicks or whatever. But you did good."


    I collapsed back into myself to the sound of cheering Dragonslayer Volunteers. "Mittens?"


    "Yes?"


    "Can you get the bolts out of me please?"


    She took hold of my shoulder and gently turned me around, then said, "No."


    "Why?" I whined.


    She slid one long-fingered hand along my bare back, and I felt every inch it travelled. No bolts stuck in me whatsoever. No point sources of pain, no blood, nothing. "Dafuq?" I tensed up, and one source of pain made itself known. "There''s one in my ass." Her hand cupped one cheek, then the other, and I added, "right down main street." She tried, she really did, but when the ghost of a snort blew warm breath over my back, I groaned out, "go ahead, let it out."


    I love my Murder Mittens, I really, really do, but it took her like fifteen minutes before she even stopped laughing long enough to make a good faith effort at rectal bolt removal. After like another hour or so of me trying to keep an eye on the docks with our binocs and her trying to pry the fucker free, we realized two things. First, that my instinctive reaction to something attempting to go in through the out door was to clench. Second, that my glutes are now, in fact, stronger than Marie''s fingers.


    I did not wake up today with a need to learn that, after all my taunting Lancasters small and large about their ability to collapse matter and form diamonds, my ass is now, in point of fact, capable of extruding wire.


    But here we are.

 Day Three Hundred And Fifty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    "Some days, doing ''the best we can'' may still fall short of what we would like to be able to do, but life isn''t perfect on any front-and doing what we can with what we have is the most we should expect of ourselves or anyone else."


    Fred Rogers - Wisdom from the World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember


    Y''know, I always laughed at the idea of self-help books as a kid. I sure as shit didn''t watch Mr. Rogers'' Neighborhood after I started grade school. But somehow, here and now, a book with a bunch of quotes from an old white dude is actually helping me feel better about shit. No idea if it''s helping me do or be better, but even just feeling better is more than I ever thought I''d get from either.


    Yesterday''s discovery that my ass is a shitty wire extruder, literally, did not leave me in a great mood. A day later I can almost see why Marie couldn''t stop laughing, but I still can''t laugh about it. Probably since that shit hurt as much coming out as it did going in. Also took a chunk of the late afternoon to deal with, and I was so busy watching for flags while trying to get the fucker out that it totally never occurred to me that I was standing on top of the superstructure in view of everybody on the front half of the Black Dragon.


    Dumb Bitch, thy name is Tabitha Diaz.


    Still, once I had enough of it out, Marie managed to wrap enough of it around her claws to surprise yank the rest out. I really hope she got it all, and I don''t have, like, tiny bits of crossbow bolt in my guts for the next god knows how long.


    I know enough Divinations I''ll be able to tell on Monday, Daughter.


    Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    Of course, even after we had most of that shit out, it still ached. Something, something, something, shot directly in the ass by something designed to penetrate armor. I''m vaguely worried that if I keep getting shot like that, I''m gonna wind up losing sensitivity. Like, not there, but elsewhere in the same general region. Of course, at this point I''m still at the two nickels stage of surprise crossbow rectal violation, but it''s still weird that it happened twice.


    I need to remember to not let anybody fire Vulcan when I''m downrange and looking the other way.


    Got home, did nothing amorous, because every vague bit of neuron activation made shit clench up, which still ached, and not in a ''ooh, fill me'' kind of way.


    I think Marie told Saffron what was going on, because she didn''t give me too much shit about being grumpy and not feeling up for shenanigans. Not only that, but Mimic Dreams featured chibi Chef Marie repeatedly lowering chibi Chef Saffron into the maw like the world''s gentlest crane delivery. Really messed with my me head when that required actual toothless mastication for the soup dumpling effect, but since I don''t remember exactly when the soup dumplings ended, that meant more than one, which meant Saffron would wake up okay. I hoped.


    Which, to be fair, she seemed to. At least, she was there staring into my eyes when she woke up, brushing my hair back and kissing me before I could say anything. "Feeling any better?"


    I flexed everything before replying. "The interior of the rear entrance is still pretty achy, but the rest of me feels great!"


    She leaned over and whispered in my ear, "feeling up to some alone time yet?"


    That annoyed me; not her asking, that was cool, oddly sweet after us talking about valuing Marie for more than, y''know, sex and violence and domestic duties. No, what annoyed me was the fact that the ache between my cheeks really was interfering with my whole voracious libido thing. Like, intellectually I kinda thought it would be a good stress relief, and it''s not like we''ve got any lack of stress. Emotionally I don''t think I''ve ever not craved that closeness. Hell, even my libido felt her next to me and went, ''hmm?'', but my fuckin'' lady bits were not interested in fuckin'', or rather every time the suggestion came up, they deferred to the achy asshole.


    I shook my head, then thought about something. "We''re both under a lot of fuckin'' stress."


    "We are. We''re likely to stay that way for the foreseeable future, which is why I''ve stolen a room from the Academy almost entirely for purposes of stress relief."


    I opened my mouth to ask why our bedroom wouldn''t do for that, only to have Menace leap onto our faces screaming, "Doccah Zeccahdi!"


    While the four of us got dressed for class, for council, for command, I snagged a Saffron and Co-Located down to the Love Shack. "I thought you weren''t up for anything this morning?"


    I smiled at her and pulled her down into my lap for a long, lingering kiss. When we pulled away just far enough to leave our foreheads touching, I said, "Why am I in command down in Calverton?"


    I felt her lips curve against mine. "Oops."


    "Oops? Oops? Oops!?" I tossed her down on the bed and proceeded to tickle her until she started crying involuntarily from laughing too hard. Okay, maybe a little from her abs cramping up, too, but... ''oops''?


    Goddess, mercy, please. I can explain.


    "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oops. This better be fuckin'' good."


    Must I do Penance again?


    She definitely sounded like that was a briar patch she wanted to be yeeted into at speed. "Depends on your explaining. Speaking of?"


    As My Goddess commands. First and foremost, you are Queen of Norfolk, and you are grooming Olga to be your replacement. Were I to be in obvious command above you, she would be completely overshadowed.


    "Fair. Go on."


    I really am nigh overworked. I can only pay attention to one thing at a time, and commanding the conquest of a City is not something I can do without paying attention.


    "You say that like I can do it even when I am paying attention." Her reminder that I''d wound up in command annoyed me, and I ran a finger feather light down her side, drawing a whining gasp from her.


    So my Penance begins. But you are doing it, love. You, not Swanson, not Olga, not General Hargreaves. You are in command of our forces in Calverton, and you are doing a marvelous job of it, especially when you have to intervene on a regular basis. About that...?


    If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.


    "Yeah?" Still not mollified, I slid my fingertip across her belly and up her other side.


    So wonderfully cruel. If I may make a suggestion, and keep in mind this is a suggestion and not a command as your Imperator, move Olga to the docks as part of your ready response force?


    I thought about it while idly moving my fingertip around her ticklish spots. "I don''t see any reason why not, although she''d be at risk a little bit."


    That''s kind of the point; the folk of Norfolk would see her taking point, the way they expect their Heirs to do.


    "Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. I''ll move her up there."


    As a command, however, your Imperator requires you to ensure the health of our forward elements; be sure to rotate them back to rest beyond the Black Dragon as needed.


    "Woof." I kept up my slow, torturous tickling. "Woof." She curled around herself slowly, like she wanted to not do it, but couldn''t help herself. "Woof." Her muscles stood out even through the pleasant squishy layer that normally hid them.


    Goof. Goof, please, I think I''m about to vomit.


    I froze without lifting my finger. "Would that ruin it?"


    Yes!


    "Okay then." I lifted my hand away, slowly shifting her as she relaxed, until she straddled my lap, her head on my shoulder.


    "''Would that ruin it.'' Only my Goof would even think it might not."


    I realized something deeply unpleasant just then. "Darth Fatass seems to think it''d be amusing. Okay, ''exciting'', in that big girl special way. Ew."


    "Did... Did you want...?"


    "NO." I stopped myself from getting angry by sheer force of outraged will, no matter how much fuckin'' Mimic wanted to fly into a rage and do fucked up shit. "No. I''m drawing a line on this one. Bitch got me in to blood play with the help of a certain pair of High Priestesses horny on Main, but when it comes to fluids, we''re sticking with what we''ve got so far."


    She whispered into my ear. "I object."


    "The fuck?"


    "However will you get me with child without the inclusion of at least one fluid we have not, as of yet, included?"


    Heat rushed across my skin. Even after all the freaky shit, this woman could still make me blush. When I looked down, though, I realized that I looked like some kind of weird roadmap, what with my whole body being a tracery of white scars across red blush. "Yech."


    She lifted my chin. "No." When I opened my mouth to argue, she kissed me. "No." I tried to speak again, and she did it again. "No. Your scars are not, will never be a source of disgust for me, love."


    I sighed. "Yeah, but I wish I was beautiful like you. Sexy like you. Hot like you."


    She snuggled into me, her breath hot against my ear. "When I look upon the record of your triumphs, it is all I can do to remember you wish to abstain this morning." Before I could even argue, and with her whispering shit like that I wasn''t sure what I wanted to argue for, I realized that my belly was not, in fact, sweaty.


    "Oh."


    She pulled back and Grinned at me. "Yes. Oh."


    I collapsed us back to the pair of us just entering the Dining Hall. She looked at me once we sat down, and when I scooped the first syrup soaked slice of corncake into her mouth, she raised a questioning eyebrow.


    "I''m eager to get up to Doc Z so he can show the class how to repair a violated asshole."


    She almost snorted syrup at that, but after she swallowed came back with, "but Cadet Smith isn''t in that class this Season."


    We bantered back and forth like that, with her eventually eating all but one token bite of my corncake while Isnomi stole all of her tortilla and half of mine. I stole another pair of hard sausages to deliver to myself in Calverton, nommed a pleasant amount of jalapeno scrapple, and once all the corncake had been eaten called Marie over and had fun feeding her hard sausage one bit off slice at a time. That woman''s jaws go through meat like an industrial deli slicer. Fascinating, terrifying, and maybe a big bit titillating to watch.


    Down in Calverton, I did as Saffron suggested and put Olga and a rotating unit of Jotnar in place as our primary rapid response to red flags. Also got Swanson to start rotating out our Heroic clearing forces back. Losing a third of our troops would slow down our progress, but I''d hate to have some kind of fuckin'' cascade Soul failure flip a whole unit of Heroes at once.


    Back in class, once we got there Menace bounced over to Doc Z. After they did their hello thing, I said, "I got another injury I need you to take a look at. Bit of a doozy this time."


    I know, ''oh, embarrassing wound!'', but I figure this was one of those times I could lose my shit or laugh about it, and I chose the path of laughter. Really helped when Saffron shot me the live feed of Sister Siobhan having to do a close examination of the injury site. I might have, very gently of course, ''involuntarily'' clamped down when she poked one delicate finger at the wound. Her squeak was even better than Marie''s when I winched her corset tight. Not sure how to feel about how exciting I found squeaky girls in general. Okay, twice now, but, y''know, nickels, and I really wanted Saffron to squeak too, just to test out the theory.


    No joy as regards that, though, as despite enabling my Sister Siobhan squeaking, Saffron herself did not squeak when I did the same thing to her when it was her turn to examine the injury.


    I guess it''s a little weird that I did not feel any kind of way about an entire class, most of them vague acquaintances at best, prodding at spots one to six inches past my asshole. Like, proctology appointments and shit were supposed to be all ''oh, no, embarrassment and wacky hijinks!'', but... Y''know, I think the fact that I literally can crush a length of steel with my ass has left me with exactly zero embarrassment about it. Yeah, I''d like a little more padding, maybe a little rounder shape, maybe an exact duplicate of Saffron''s ass, if it comes down to it, but if I''m that desperate for a perfectly round ass I can just Mimic her, and in the meanwhile I have nothing to be embarrassed about.


    So fuckin'' weird that of all the things to come to terms with first, it''s my ass.


    So after everyone had seen the injuries caused by rapid rectal insertion of a foreign object, not to mention the extras caused by how my ass apparently left some sharp edges on that extruded wire, Doc Z showed everybody how to Shape a Heal Injury to specifically fix the interior of an ass. Which, since I''ve described all the other bullshit what''s gone up there, wound up feeling like eucalyptus smells.


    Nothing super exciting through the day. The Alley of Sus threw another red flag, and Olga handled the whole thing by stabbing shit at the far end of the alley with her javelins, then flicking whatever she stabbed onto the pavers in the middle of her unit of Jotnar, who just fuckin'' stomped the shit to death. It looked like most of them had decided to redo their footwear; enough steel to make steel soles for their boots might not have been easy, but they''d all managed paver-soled boots with boulders for heels, and nothing seemed up to arguing with that after being run through then slammed into the ground by Olga.


    Got home, got ready for bed, snatched away one of each of Wifes to the Love Shack as Marie tucked us all in. I settled into Marie''s lap, leaning back against her chest, with Saffron in front of me, her head on my shoulder. "Before we get to your long delayed Penance for dumping Command on me..."


    "Wait?" I just sat there, waiting, and she said, "one final reason for me doing so; I want you to have more evidence that you are more than just a blunt instrument of destruction."


    "You''re risking all those people just to, what, make me feel better about myself?"


    She shrugged. "Minimal risk."


    "How so again?"


    "Lancaster. You Commanded there, and despite all your mistakes, most of which were due to incomplete information, I''ll remind you, you did fine. You are not just the Alliance''s Champion, you are the Imperator''s General of choice, my Attack Dog, and I want you to believe that my judgement is not in error."


    I sighed. "If we can do this without any major fuck ups on my part? I might even start believing that."


    "Good."


    Without warning, I poked her in a very sensitive spot. She squeaked. "Dammit."


    "Dammit? You poke me there and then you''re the one to say dammit?"


    I pouted. "Yeah. Why the fuck am I getting all hot and bothered about girly type people squeaking?" Saffron tried to answer twice, but couldn''t force words out past the laughter. "The fuck are you laughing about now?"


    Forgive me, My Goddess. Two things, each tickling my humor in turn. First, right about then a pair of very large clawed hands made their presence known between Saffron and I. Very handsy hands. I think Marie likes being called ''girly'' more than either of us realized.


    Trying to focus my crossing eyes, I said, "seems that way, yeah."


    Second, I thought it was common knowledge in your world that Dogs love squeaky toys?

 Day Three Hundred And Fifty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    "No man is free who cannot command himself."


    - Pythagoras


    Well hell, I guess I''m down for a life of incarceration. Shit, command myself, I can barely get me to do shit by bribing myself with Unlimited Saffronworks. Although I suppose that mental image does kinda help calm me to the point where I can argue with myself rationally about shit.


    I have no idea why me being so enthralled with squeaky toys annoyed me so much, but I wound up insisting Saffron do Penance for that, too, specifically telling her to kiss it and make it better. At which point I figured she''d balk, until she told me that apparently along with Pumpkin Pie Spice sweat, I''m more sweet than savory. Sometimes the biological details of my here and now body really bothered me. Like, how? Why? What the fuck? Sweat is a mix of ''cooling'', ''identification'', and ''communication'', with a little bit of waste disposal in there for shits and giggles. No living thing alive sees simple carbs as ''waste''. Then again, the ''communication'' part is typically communicating, ''virile and ready to mate'' or some shit, so maybe I was just Saffron bait or something.


    Which left me really trying not to think about those carnivorous flowers that use sticky sweet sap as lures for their prey.


    Left me even less copacetic than normal about the enthusiasm with which chibi Chef Saffron auto-yeeted into Mimic''s Maw overnight. Not even going to think about exactly how much Mimic wanted that shit to keep going until no more Saffron remained for yeeting and eating.


    Woke up to her curled into me, not an inch of us not in contact with each other. So weird that her butt is squish enough that it just kinda squooshes in between us without keeping her back from pressing into my belly, especially when I know there is definitely muscle under there. I was just glad one of us had enough padding to make that kind of cuddling more cuddly than awkward. Of course, nothing in the world would make extricating ourselves from that position less than a slapstick routine, emphasis on the stick, since all the purring wound up acting like vibration in an icemaker. Nothing but a thin layer of sweat between us, no air, total vacuum seal gluing us together.


    Yeah, I ain''t even going to complain, what with her heartbeat against my chest being what woke me up. We were so still, so pressed together, that I felt each and every beat like a punctuation of her purring. I wasn''t even mad that I didn''t get to watch her boot up routine; just got some hair in my face as her tongue quested back and forth taste testing the world. "Good Morning, Love. Did you sleep well?"


    "Little disturbing when I dream about shouting, ''do a flip'', and you wind up doing one."


    She made disappointed Saffron noise, then said, "I thought you liked it."


    "Mimic did. I... jury''s still out. Taste, mouth feel, splatter factor, all eleven out of ten, would do again. Little disturbing swallowing your splattery remains though."


    She wriggled back into me, and my libido immediately sided with Mimic. "I''ve told you, love, I am obedient to your wishes. You receive no more than I can safely give. But that which I can give? I give not only freely and gladly, but I attempt to do so in as pleasant a manner as possible for My Goddess."


    I nodded, pulling her to me. Okay, squishing her to me, what with it not possible for her to get any closer to me without literally getting inside my skin. "Yeah," I sighed. "I get the whole Metaphoric Space, and Worship being the true food of the Gods, so Mimic is going to see accepting Worship as eating, but I think I might like a different eating metaphor more."


    I discovered just then that as physically connected as I was to her, when she spoke with her diaphragm it sent vibrations through both of us. I focused on her voice rather than her words, because they were definitely far more brain twisting. "Ara, ara. How deliciously hentai."


    "The fuck did you learn that?"


    She purred at me, saying, "I''ve been looking to your world for information to restore the Black Dragon to full function, and as you told me so long ago, anime is ubiquitous and entertaining."


    I snorted. "So you''re watching anime rather than researching?"


    Suddenly I had a Saffron squished between me and the Marie behind me, filling in every gap with just the right consistency of girl before both of her chorused. "I can do both."


    Of course Murphy is still the ultimate ruler of the universe, because when I tried to wriggle back into her and get the same kind of Saffron laminate I had on the front, not only did the air squeeze out from between us with a sound like Skasn farting, my lower back and ass both seized up painfully. "Ah, shit."


    "Love?"


    "Think I need Loki to look at realigning me today. No idea why, but shit''s not behaving. Can you maybe fill in for me on lookout in Calverton today?"


    Saffron collapsed back into the one of her glued to my front and said, "of course, love."


    I had an awful thought and said, "don''t go charging in like I would."


    She chuckled. "So... fill in for you without doing anything you would?"


    That got me. "Yeah, I guess. Thanks." At that point I tried to slide back away in preparation for getting up, only to have her slide back with me, what with the whole ''stuck together by vacuum seal'' thing. "Uh, Marie? Little help?"


    She snickered, grabbed the two of us, and Co-Located the three of us to the Love Shack. "Freeze."


    We both did as instructed, figuring she knew what she was doing. She slipped her fingertips between our shoulders, then pulled us apart excruciatingly slowly. Like, I got it near immediately, she''s strong enough she could have just ripped us apart, but along with potential actual damage to delicate bits, each bit of us that pulled apart wound up feeling... just feeling. Like every bit of physical sensation possible in each tiny bit of us that slipped apart. I completely lost track of reality mid-torso, and the anticipation combined with her jerking us apart just a little abruptly at the end wound up making my brain go on the fritz.


    You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.


    "Okay, which of you two squeaked." Both of them laughed. "No." Both of them nodded, trying to avoid losing it entirely. "Oh, fuck me."


    The two of them looked at each other, Saffron collapsed the three of us in the bedroom into the Love Shack, then Co-Located us back a moment later. While those three got up and started dressing for the day, Saffron turned to Marie and said, "I believe our Goddess has commanded us."


    "Yes."


    "But we''d best hurry, since she needs her mentor''s healing soon."


    "Yes."


    "Y''know, guys, I''m right here." Both of them turned to look at me, and I couldn''t help it. I put my hands to my cheeks and squeaked out, "oh, no, I''m in danger!"


    Hilarity ensued. Pro tip: if you can''t have hilarity in your antics, you''re doing it wrong.


    By the time we finished breakfast, I was sure some Co-Location shenanigans occurred with syrup-soaked corn cakes. I mean, I couldn''t prove it in a court of law, but I blame Saffron for that, since she ate all the evidence.


    Saffron carried us all to Loki''s cave, where she apologized immediately. "I''d love to stay, but I''ll be filling in for Tabitha in Calverton, and I''d best be fully focused on that."


    Loki tilted his head. "Not the Council?"


    Saffron snorted. "I''ve had months of practice dealing with them. With the Undead? Not so much." Then she kissed us all good bye and was gone.


    That set off a cascade of bad feels it took me a little to even identify. "Oh, shit. I think the last time she Translocated away from me into a war zone was the Battle of the Walls."


    As Loki gently lifted me and set me face down on his table he took a deep breath and said, "oh, shit, indeed."


    He went to work on my lower back, gently prodding and shifting things I couldn''t see. "It''s been, what, half a year since then? With everything that''s happened, why the fuck am I tensing up about that shit now?"


    As he worked up and down my back, moving from my shoulders down to my knees and back, he said, "you aren''t a machine, or a tool. You''re a person. When something is broken, it is not enough to put it back in place, it needs support until healing has taken hold, then gentle care, proper retraining, and often additional healing. Did you ever talk that through with anyone? What happened? What it felt like?"


    "I mean, why would I need to? Pretty fucking clear. I thought they killed my wife, I lost my shit, they all fuckin'' died."


    "As did so, so many of you."


    I snorted. "I''m still here though." My next words leaked out almost like they''d been forced by the pressure of his hands on my back. "Not like so many of the poor fuckin'' Levies I executed."


    "See? You still carry that guilt, even though by now you have, at least consciously, admitted it is groundless. All any of us can do is the best we know to do at the time."


    "I wasn''t doing that though. I didn''t want justice, or right, or good. I wanted to kill bitches. To hurt them like they''d hurt me."


    I saw him nod out of the corner of my eye. "Vengeance is out of vogue in the world of your birth, and I will admit it can lead to endless cycles of violence, but in this case? Your actions on that day and the days after have led to a time of unprecedented peace."


    "The fuck? I''m presently commander of a fuckin'' Army assaulting a City. Not exactly peaceful."


    "It is violent, but it is not war. Not as so many have thought of it so far." He paused, and when he spoke again a touch of wonder colored his voice. "You''re actually doing it. A war to end wars." Before I could interrupt he said, "yes, yes, I know, every conqueror thinks that''s what they''re doing, and at least in part the fact that you don''t is why you''ve a chance of succeeding. You didn''t go to war to end wars, you went to war to avenge your lost love. You didn''t go to war to silence a threat, you executed criminals and con men. You didn''t go to war to conquer a kingdom, you dueled some nobles to steal their Navy. You didn''t go to war to conquer Calverton, you went to war to free your people''s homes from an Undead infestation. You are, as I said, just doing the next ''best thing you can do''."


    "Yeah. Don''t know whether it''s more unpleasant that ''the best thing I can do'' is murdering bitches..."


    I ignored how he slapped my ass and said, "no!"


    "Or that I enjoy it so much."


    Steel in his voice, he took hold of me, one hand wrapped around my torso, the other around my thighs. "Daughter, you will cease that at once. In every case you have done what you felt was the best thing you could do, and in your wake you left tyrants deposed, dead, and outright destroyed."


    "Getting off crushing Ericson''s skull was really the ''best thing I could do''?"


    He lifted me off the table, turning me to look at him as I folded my arms under me. "Contractor. Horse. Sleipnir. No one says we can''t enjoy the tasks fate hands us. Besides..." He started laughing.


    "What?"


    "You look more mulish than your daughter."


    That got me. I snorted, then started laughing. He put me down and went back to work. He''d moved on to the ''maul things to get them malleable stage'', which left me kinda impressed with myself, since I could still talk. "Okay, yeah, I guess I''m being stubborn. But... where do I draw the fuckin'' line? At what point do I say ''oh, shit, I crossed a line, and somebody needs to put me down?"


    "If you can still see that? You''re not to the point you need to be ''put down''. You simply need to find someone you trust to talk to, to talk things out with."


    "How do I know you guys aren''t just telling me what I want to hear? Or that I haven''t intimidated you into submission?"


    He thought about that while he mauled me, and eventually said, "I can''t believe I''m saying this, but there is one sworn to you who, should you tell him bald truth is a son''s duty, will not lie to you. I doubt he is prone to being intimidated."


    I snorted again. "Shit, Menace intimidated him. How hard can it be?"


    He went still. "Child?"


    "Yeah, dad?"


    "My Granddaughter intimidated The Smith?"


    I nodded. "I thought I told you about that?"


    "I must have missed it. Well. Perhaps then the two of them together. Him to know the truth, her to be brave enough to tell it."


    That kinda shut me up for a while. Not just the idea, which sounded stupidly simple, the kind of thing a five year old wouldn''t see flaws in, while also just sounding stupid. Moral Compass adjustment by a one year old and a sociopath. I thought about that for a moment, for hours, for all the time that flowed oddly in Loki''s cave.


    "I loathe fixing the damage done by Undead."


    "Whut?"


    "It''s more harmful than death, frankly. You''ll be in sad shape tomorrow. Nothing localized, but you''d best be prepared to be a figurehead. Perhaps literally."


    I nodded. "More harmful than death?"


    "Yes. I''m sure you''ve felt the pain when one of your Co-Located selves die?"


    "Yeah, that shit stings."


    He chuckled. "Stings. Understatement. That is damage directly to your Soul. To the core of it."


    "Huh. I''ll keep that in mind. So... I''m fixed up?"


    He set me on my feet, The Dress flowing around me as he did. "To the best of my ability. Do try to stay out of the Miasma. Deities are particularly susceptible to it."


    "Now you tell me!"


    He laughed. "Oh, it''s not that we die faster than Mortals would, but it is, what''s that term? A vulnerability we have. You, I, your daughter, your mothers, we are all of us Souls made manifest."


    "The fuck? How''s that work?"


    He just shook his head. "As clever and knowledgeable as I am, I doubt I could explain the details. Fortunately for your curiosity, I suspect your wife might know more than I by this point. Perhaps you should ask her?"


    I rolled my shoulders and held my hands out to Marie and Menace, who came over to me after making their farewells. "Yeah. Think I might do that."


    A quick round of hugs, and I hopped us back to the office in our suite, where Saffron sat coding. "Hey honey, we''re home!"


    My heart kinda melted when I saw the frown she''d been shooting one of her coding screens melt as she turned to look at me. Without a word she was in my arms, snuggled in beneath my chin, Menace between us, Marie slipping her arms around us.


    Fuck it. Maybe I''m a monster. Maybe I''m such a big monster I make all the other monsters think it''s time to take their balls and go home, or straighten up and fly right or whatever the fuck they''re gonna do.


    Because that? That right there? To protect the moments like that one?


    I will absolutely be the biggest, baddest monster the fuckin'' world has ever seen.

 Day Three Hundred And Fifty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    "Not all questions are answered, but fortunately some answers are questioned."


    - Terry Pratchett


    Yeah, I get that''s true, important, and really a Good Thing, but it still makes part of my brain itch uncomfortably. Like, if something has the potential to be factual data, I should be able to get my fuckin'' hands on that data, right? Even if I''m not the right chick to go looking for any particular piece of information, I know who is, and she likes to use my BO as perfume.


    So last night everybody wound up going to sleep late. Not even due to Love Shack shenanigans. We all just lounged around on Marie''s floor bed, soaking up the vibe. Despite a few bouts of the zoomies, Menace settled down first, curling up betwixt where Saffron and I lay face to face, shoving herself right between our bellies before settling in to sleep. Literally curling up, too, all scrunched in like in fetal position, with Mister Kraken tucked into the middle of her little curled up body. After we watched her eyes flutter closed, Saffron whispered, "sometimes I still can''t believe she popped out of me. She''s getting so big."


    "Yeah. Kinda wonder how big she''ll get."


    Saffron chuckled. "With her father being my height, I can''t imagine she''ll be anything but petite."


    I lay an arm around her and gently tugged her to me until we lay touching, forehead to forehead, breast to breast, knee to knee, with Isnomi purring between us. "You know I might have fucked that up a little, right?"


    If she winced, it seemed more because she''d forgotten than because the knowledge itself upset her. "Well then. I have no idea how tall she''ll wind up being."


    From above us, where she perched tailor fashion on Menace''s toddler bed, Marie quietly whispered, "Enough."


    I grinned and said, "she''ll be tall enough, or that''s enough chatter from the two of us who ought to be getting to sleep?"


    She just smiled at me, and the her I''d been hearing quiet snores from behind me slipped an arm around me, one finger across my lips. "Yes."


    Saffron just giggled quietly until the Marie behind her did the same thing. We lay there, just staring directly into one another''s eyes. Way back when we first hooked up, I''d commented on how they reminded me of chocolate, and I maybe feel some kinda way what with Mimic treating her like the world''s tastiest soup dumpling, but staring into them reminded me. Sweet. Hot. Underlying all of that, a bitterness that didn''t detract from either, despite it somehow being her defining feature.


    I don''t know how long we lay there, but eventually she thought, aren''t you going to sleep tonight?


    Kinda waiting for you, Kitten.


    She smirked. Is this to be a contest of wills, then?


    Nah. Just wanted to see something, but you gotta go to sleep first.


    Her smirk got deeper, sultrier, the Grin sneaking into it. Ara, ara. Will I wake with even less virtue than I have now?


    That shut my brain mouth up for a minute while I untangled where my libido had run face first into my mommy issues and wound up with both of them lying on my mental floor in a tangled mess. After a bit I realized I was drifting and thought, I... not what I was thinking at all. Really. Seriously.


    The Grin wore her smirk like particularly intent-laden lingerie. Damn. Here I was wondering what it would be like to dream while you did such things.


    Isnomi''s like, right there.


    The Grin put its hands together and pretended to be a nun while still wearing that smirk with intent. I have great faith in My Goddess'' subtlety and control.


    Good thing one of us does. No, I just wanted you to go to sleep first.


    The Grin walked away, showing me the smirk didn''t cover anything past the front. Oh, well. You''ve my Consent should you change your mind. Eager Consent. Perhaps even impatient Consent. Command me, My Goddess.


    That caught me off guard with a sudden realization. You like it when I do that. Command you, as your Goddess.


    I do.


    Go to sleep, Kitten. Go to sleep, Wife. Go to sleep, Priestess Most High Above All Others. By the time I finished that last thought, she went limp, gentle snores vibrating my forehead and breasts. I watched over her, entranced by every detail, until I drifted off to sleep myself.


    Mimic dreamt of chibi Chef Marie organizing the super chibi sous chef beans yeeting themselves into Mimic''s Maw with armloads of shrimp in varying sizes. The psychotropic psychedelic tadpoles convinced Mimic to bust a move on the Chesapeake again, despite her conspicuous lack of any body part resembling an ass. Soup Dumpling Saffron did not make an appearance.


    I woke right in the middle of Saffron''s boot up. I think her sniffing might have woken me. I got the best possible morning treat when her darting tongue taste testing the world touched my lips. The moment it did, she froze, her lips curved into a grin for the barest of moments, and then her lips melted into mine, her tongue taste testing my tonsils in lieu of the world. We stayed like that until, down between our bellies, Menace stirred, prompting us to pull apart, grinning like idiots at one another.


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    "I''m surprised I didn''t wake in our Library room, love."


    I snickered as Isnomi tickled our bellies as she yawned and stretched. "Didn''t think of it. Honestly, woke up right in the middle of you waking up. Guess I do wake up faster than you."


    She smiled gently. "I''ve said as much, Goof. Did you forget?"


    "Nah. Just kinda amused by having more proof now, I guess."


    "I think I''m equally surprised you haven''t spirited me away to have your way with me before breakfast."


    "Don''t you mean ''as breakfast''?"


    I realized my mistake when Menace smooshed her way between our tits, pushing our faces apart to grab our full attention. "Breffas!"


    "Yeah, sure Menace. Just let us get dressed first. They don''t approve of naked people in the Dining Hall. It''s a rule."


    Holy. Shit. The Grin dashed across Saffron''s face wearing that smirk while Menace looked at me. "it''s not, actually. I checked."


    Trying desperately not to choke on my own spit, I squeaked out, "Hey! Aren''t I supposed to be the one corrupting her?"


    And yet, here we still lay, none of us in the Library. "I thought I''d take a turn. I see why you enjoy it!"


    Meanwhile Isnomi had scrambled up to scamper toward the door shouting, "breffas! Breffas! Nekkid breffas!"


    "Sorry, Kitten," I whispered. "I''m a little paralyzed by post massage pain at the moment."


    "Oh, I''m so sorry, love," she said as she lay a gentle kiss on my forehead. While simultaneously Co-Locating us to the Love Shack, where she looked down at me and said, "I guess I''ll be the one to play with you like a doll today, what with Marie feeling out of sorts."


    "Wha?"


    She nodded while slowly, gently positioning me exactly how she wanted me. Weird, but oddly hot. "Yes. I think she needs a visit to your father as well, but I suggest waiting until tomorrow, since she''ll need a day of recuperation as well."


    "The fuck is up with that?"


    She paused as, back in the room, Marie snagged Isnomi right before she opened the outer door of our suite. "No." The Menace pouted, but hung limp as Marie got her uniform on. Meanwhile Saffron first dressed herself, then me.


    "Was she exposed to Miasma?"


    I nodded. "Yeah. Fuckin'' Undead Mage. Loki told me Miasma fucks with Gods something fierce. Something about us being ''Souls made manifest''?"


    Well. I suspected she knew anyway, but if not, I suppose we''ll all learn things now.


    She froze in the middle of bracing one of my legs with a bolster. "Really?"


    "Yep."


    Another Saffron dropped naked into our desk chair, coding windows blossoming around her. I looked over and said, "naked coding now? Really?" She stuck her tongue out at me and blinked on Glowing Midnight. Okay, part of it, because she didn''t bother with the dress or the boots, just the underthings, stockings included.


    Down in the Love Shack I laughed out loud and said, "you''re working overtime jumping up and down on my ''sexy times now!'' buttons today, aren''t you Kitten?"


    She snorted as she slid another bolster right under my lower back. That kinda stretched things more than a little painfully, but a moment later the Grin strutted onto her face wearing the remains of that smirk not unlike coding Saffron wore Glowing Midnight''s undergarments. "Only you could be lying here with me doing this and only now catch on, Goof." She crawled over to lean over my face and say, "before anything else?"


    "Yeah?"


    She leaned down, kissed me until my lips got sore, then pulled back and said, "I love you, Goof."


    Breakfast got downright funny when Isnomi tried to feed me, but kept eating spoonsful of stuff halfway to my mouth. At least once she pulled half a spoonful of jalapeno scrapple out of her maw and shoved it into mine. Fuck it, I know it''s unsanitary, but frankly if any germ manages to get past ''God of Healing'' and ''God of Disease'', it deserves to propagate just a little.


    Marie carried me to the Black Dragon and set me up on the mast, binoculars in hand. It ached a little moving them back and forth, but the slow motion pain forced on me really worked better for carefully scanning the City than I''d realized it would. Of course, the lack of motion meant late in the afternoon I wound up sending Marie in when we had a red flag with Olga already deployed to reinforce one of our groups of Undead hunting Heroes. I''d say ''send Marie in alone'', but then, Marie''s really never alone even when she''s alone any more. I''m not sure if anyone had quite realized Marie had my whole Co-Location thing going on prior to this, what with all the other Maids looking the same, but when she hit the docks and a whole squad of her leapt from her one at a time, it definitely let the cat out of the bag.


    My cat definitely bagged a bunch of Undead, but as I watched the Marie on the mast with me got crankier and crankier until an Earth shaking roar rocked the docks, followed by a fuckin rain of body parts flying toward the Bay. A few minutes later, the Marie next to me shuddered and she whined, "sparagmos?"


    "Not today, Murder Mittens."


    She growled at me. "Sparagmos."


    I sighed. "You know I can''t, love. Too much chance we''d all wake up tomorrow without you, and I don''t know if I could survive that."


    She towered over me, claws curling, hot breath washing over her fangs, over my face. "Sparagmos!"


    She lunged, and I spun, grabbing her wrists, adrenaline washing away the last of my stiffness. She roared right in my face, and I twisted her forearms around. She tried to force me to snap them by lunging, but I spun and left her kneeling. I leaned forward, thinking, be still, my High Priestess. She froze, not even bothering to close her mouth as her roar cut off. I leaned in and lay a gentle kiss on her forehead, the fuzz tickling my lips. "I love you too much to risk you, Marie."


    She whined at me, and I thought, at sunset I will deliver you to Loki. He will make it right, and you can rest up tomorrow.


    Her lower lip stuck out, and she quietly whined, "sparagmos"


    I rolled my eyes. "If you''re a very, very good girl we can figure something out," she looked up at me, eyes eager, "after Saffron and I have made a proper Wife out of you."


    Oh, the look on her face at that was the most bizarre combination of ''eagerly terrified'' I had ever seen. Of course, her whine, like every other non-verbal vocalization I''d ever heard her make, was absolutely larger than life. When the mast itself started vibrating visibly I said, "fuck it, it''s sunset," and told the Sun that it was, in fact, time to go to bed for the night. Then I scooped her up in my arms and stepped to Loki''s place.


    "I rather thought you''d be here momentarily." He nodded to his table, and I lay Marie there, then reached down into her, through her, and pulled like I''d done with Sengann. Her eyes crossed, and she whined as all the Maries in existence collapsed back into her.


    "But."


    I lay one hand on her forehead. "Rest, My High Priestess, and let my father heal you. All of you. I will watch over our Wife and Daughter until your return."


    Loki smirked at me. "Did you get married again without warning me first?"


    I rolled my eyes at him, shaking my head.


    "One time! That happened one! Time!"

 Day Three Hundred And Sixty

    Dear Diary,


    "I can''t let things be this way. We can be wonderful. We can be magnificent. We can turn this shit around."


    - Tank Girl


    Kinda why I half suspect my found library was somebody''s personal stash, or maybe a lost and found. Bunch of comic books in there along with everything else. Read that one while paging through wondering if any of them would maybe get Menace into something other than running around like a crazed weasel twenty four by seven. Hit me kinda hard, because honestly? That''s, like, the fuckin'' Vision Statement of Suite Aetos-Diaz in a nutshell.


    So last night I left Marie with Loki.


    Please don''t forget to come get her.


    I''ll be around as soon as Saffron''s awake, Boss.


    At any rate, got home only to have Saffron look at me with barely contained panic and say, "where is she?"


    For once my brain kicked in and I managed to say the important part first. "She''s with dad, she''ll be fine, she got in a big fracas with some Undead and needed a realignment. Hell, probably needed a complete overhaul. Her shit felt kinda wrecked. She got so upset she tried to get me to sparagmos her."


    From the moment I said ''she''ll be fine'', the tension started leaking out of her shoulders. By the time I said ''sparagmos her'', she let out a semi-hysterical chuckle and said, "I don''t think that''s a verb, love."


    "She''ll be fine, Kitten. She''s tough, dad''s got her, he''ll put her back right as rain, you''ll see."


    "I really hope so. Of course, now we''ve got another problem." I looked at her, wondering what her new issue was. "Where''s Isnomi?"


    "Oh, SHIT!"


    Thirty seconds later, with both of us Co-Locating madly through the Academy, we found her sitting at the ROTC table, snuggled into Angel''s arms. When we showed up, she leapt at me, clutching to me and blubbering. Angel snapped, "What the hell happened, Diaz?"


    I shook my head. "Did you notice when Marie went missing?"


    "Little busy with a sudden armload of your crying kid."


    At that point Raven spoke up. "Some of the Maids disappeared right before she did."


    I nodded. "Yeah. That was Marie. She got wounded down in Calverton."


    That prompted a round of Cadets making worried noises, none of which I heard through Menace''s wailing. "MAWA!"


    I stroked her hair, "She''s gonna be fine, Menace. She''s tough, and she just needed some TLC."


    "MAWA!" No consolation there. I shrugged, then put an arm around Saffron. "Thanks for watching her, guys. I''ll give you an update as soon as I can." Then I turned to Isnomi. "Isnomi Aetos-Diaz, would Marie want you losing your shit like this?"


    She growled up at me and barked out, "MAWA! NAOH!"


    I growled right back and said, "I will take you to see her the moment you promise that you won''t interrupt her healing."


    She frowned up at me, then said, "Mawa."


    "I need you to promise. You''ll see where she is, who''s taking care of her, if we get permission you can even stay there overnight. But no touching, no talking to her, no disturbing the healing. You look with your eyes, hands to yourself, mouth shut. Got it?"


    "Mawa."


    "Got? It?"


    She pouted. "Yeth."


    "Do you promise to stay in my arms until I tell you otherwise?"


    She got even poutier. "Yeth."


    Saffron put her arms around both of us. "Don''t worry, my girl. I''m worried sick too, but Mama wouldn''t let Marie stay in danger."


    With a quick, "thanks again, guys," I stepped us to Loki''s cave, my hands tight around Isnomi. Good thing, too, since she lunged toward the table the moment we got there. She didn''t talk, though. I quietly turned to Sigyn and said, "how is she?"


    Loki smiled and said, "cranky, and she''s already asked me to rend her limb from limb twice, but coming along nicely."


    Isnomi pulled my face around to look at her, eyes huge. I said, "is it okay if we talk to her?"


    "At the moment that''s fine."


    Marie turned her head towards us, her expression cranky until she saw Isnomi. "Scamp."


    "Go ahead, Menace. Just keep it quiet."


    "Mawa!"


    I hefted her up, then scooted Saffron around next to me. "She got a little upset when you disappeared. Totally my fault, Menace. I needed to get all of her back here so Grampa Loki could take care of her."


    Isnomi turned to me, folded her arms, and said, "needa be cawefuw."


    I nuzzled her. "Yeah, I know. I''m sorry, kiddo. I was worried about her and didn''t think." I turned to Sigyn. "Do you guys mind if maybe we camp out here tonight?"


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    "Of course not. I''ll go get some pillows?"


    "Thanks. That''d be great."


    A few moments, a few minutes, an hour later we''d all settled into a nest of pillows. Not just the three of us, but Sigyn and Mister Slither as well. After an endless stream of muttered complaints to Mister Slither about her Mama being careless with her Mawa, Isnomi finally slipped off to sleep. When her snores susurrated through the cave, before any of us could say anything, Marie growled out, "Finally."


    That started a round of quiet laughter, which eventually devolved into equally quiet snores from Saffron. Sigyn looked at me and said, "did you want to as well?"


    I shrugged. "I can deal with a night without, and I told Marie I''d watch over her."


    From his table, where Marie had been making semi-pained grunts for a few minutes, Loki said, "you take your word seriously."


    "I try."


    "Good. I''m not certain how much it will affect you, but when one of us fails to keep our word, it weakens us."


    "Really?"


    Sigyn nodded, and Marie said, "Yes."


    I shifted Saffron to a position where she might not be quite so knotted up when she woke, then whispered, "not really a problem. I''m not sure I could sleep without Marie watching over us."


    That got a purr from Loki''s table, and I settled in, eyes open, to watch over my wife, my daughter, my beloved Maenad, for as long as it took.


    Time flows oddly in Loki''s cave. It took an hour, a few minutes, a season, a moment, an eternity before he turned to me, his hair soaked with sweat, and rolled Marie over so she lay on her back. "There you go. Not perfect, but so long as she takes a little time to heal, she should be on the path to recovery."


    I sighed. "She''ll have a day before we need to go back in. Maybe two if I solo things for a bit."


    He ran his fingers through his sweat soaked, hair, a flurry of snow spreading over his bed. "Fuck. I hate the Undead."


    I chuckled a little. "What with them being our kryptonite, I guess you would."


    His crooked smile softened his next words, let me know the concern that lay behind them. "Do try not to melee with them if you can possibly avoid it."


    "Not really much of an Archer." He just raised an eyebrow. "Oh. Shit. Yeah, I''m dumb, okay?"


    Saffron stirred at our laughter. "Wha time ''zit?"


    Loki tilted his head, then said, "perhaps a few hours before dawn in Phileo."


    "You want we should head home and let you two get some rest?"


    Loki opened his mouth as if to agree, but out of the corner of my eye I saw Sigyn gesture to him. "Could you perhaps instead move your little nest over a little closer?"


    Which is how I wound up spending the rest of the night sitting with my back against Loki''s slab, Marie and Saffron both using my lap as a pillow, Mister Slither providing a makeshift bed for the Menace. I also discovered that Loki doesn''t snore, but the sheer volume coming out of his lungs kept the top of my head cool enough to keep me awake all night. Not sure if Sigyn snores normally, but she''d snuggled up with her face so nuzzled into him that her lips made little raspberry noises all night long.


    After maybe an hour like that I Co-Located to the mast of the Black Dragon and watched for sunrise. I let the others sleep, picked up my binoculars, and started scanning for red flags.


    Once the sun had fully crested the horizon, I Co-Located to the Inter-City Council. Everyone looked up when I arrived, and I said, "the Imperator is attending to religious matters today. Please don''t do anything that would make her sic me on you," collapsed back into myself, then Co-Located a uniformed copy of me to the Advanced Mana Shaping classroom and said, "Archmage Aetos-Diaz can''t make it today. Religious retreat." Nobody questioned me. Dunno if they figured that was explanation enough, or if I looked too annoyed to bother, or they just figured I wouldn''t know the answer. Having a reputation as a dumbass can be as handy as having a reputation as a badass sometimes.


    The fucking Undead prompted four different red flags through the day. Two of them were spaced out enough I could let Olga deal with them. Just fighter types who, when she skewered them, slammed them into the ground, and stomped on them, went splat not unlike the Undead Dragon who''d wound up a thin slimy layer under the Black Dragon''s hull. The other two happened in sequence. First our lead element of Undead hunter-killers got tied down by a big swarm with a bunch of archer types pelting them while the horde kept them from getting to cover. Olga and her Jotnar moved in and introduced the Archers to the concept of ''counter battery fire''. With rocks. Big ones.


    Heh. ''Mine are bigger'' is totally gonna be the name of Olga''s sex tape.


    Sorry, by that point I''d gotten a little punchy, what with keeping vigil in both spots and pouring Mana into Cadet Karen Smith in Advanced Mana Shaping, because of course she didn''t finish her project last Season. When the red flag went up over that same fucking alley, I got maybe a little more pissed off than I realized. I pushed my Blend all the way up and stepped across to the roof overlooking the alley. The only Undead who looked up at me was the Mage type in the back. When I walked calmly toward his end of the alley, his gaze did not track me. About a dozen paces from the corner of the roof, I felt the Miasma lapping at my ankles, and his eyeless, glowing gaze snapped up to me. I stepped back and started pulling Mana. I glanced over the edge of the roof to see three dozen Undead Archers aiming where I''d intersected the Miasma, with two big fuckers bodyguarding the Undead Mage obviously in charge of the group.


    When it hurt to hold the Mana I held, I Shaped thirty seven Smites, pouring Mana into the central one until the Mage''s gaze finally snapped around to it. His mouth opened, glowing with Miasma, but before he could say anything I stepped forward and unleashed my big Smite directly into his Miasma.


    He burned. He burned hard. He burned fast. He screamed the entire time. Then he exploded, knocking the two big dudes off their feet. Before they could rise, I Co-Located one of me next to each of the fucking Archers, dropped my Blend to normal and barked out, "woof woof, motherfucker!" before releasing a Smite right in each of their faces.


    While they screamed I collapsed into four of me standing over the two big armored fuckers. "Hey, dumb fucks. Wanna know a secret about that Cold Iron armor that protects you from my Smite?" They didn''t say anything. I''m not sure they could. I had no fucks to give, really, so I paired up against them and used my swordstaves to pry their fucking heads off. As ichor leaked onto the ground, I powered up another big pair of Smites and, right before releasing them into their exposed necks, said, "it protects me from your Miasma too."


    The screaming of the Undead as Smite burned them was a beautiful chorus of apology for their crime of existence.


    I stepped back to the top of the barricade at the end of the alley, collapsing my dockside duplicates into a single me standing hipshot in front of the Warrior Karl standing there. I recognized him. I half turned, twisting at the waist to look out over the dozens of Thralls standing ready to defend the wall. "Hey, this guy called the flag?" They all nodded, called out ''yes'', or otherwise indicated that he had, in fact, called me in. I turned back to him and swayed my way over to him.


    Took longer than it ought to have, because for some reason he backed all the way up to the wall as I approached. Standing there in the glow of the Mana I''d channeled into one hand, I slipped my swordstaff over my shoulder, leaned my whole front up against him, laying one finger across his lips, and stage whispered, "that''s gotta be more than twenty-five, and you followed orders, which means you were useful." I slid my Mana glowing hand down his front until it rested on his smooth crotch. Then in one abrupt motion I clawed my fingers through his codpiece and ripped most of his crotch away, then hit it with a Heal Injury big enough to turn foie gras back into a living breathing incarnation of Canada''s hatred. As he stood there gasping, I confirmed the Heal had done its work by making sure his heart and mind would follow, then leaned in and growled, "Good Boy."


    Then I collapsed back to my perch on Black Dragon''s mast.


    I think I''m getting the hang of this being in charge thing.

 Day Three Hundred And Sixty-One

    Dear Diary,


    "When we love a person, we accept him or her exactly as is: the lovely with the unlovely, the strong with the fearful, the true mixed in with the fa?ade, and of course, the only way we can do it is by accepting ourselves that way."


    - Fred Rogers, You Are Special: Words of Wisdom for All Ages from a Beloved Neighbor


    Yeah. I know that, sir. I really do. Well, the first bit. I get that the whole thing ought to be the way things are, the way we should want it to be, to strive for it to be, but... I read something once online. ''You know that saying, "You can''t love someone unless you love yourself first"? It''s bullshit. But you - Oh god, I loved you so much I forgot what hating myself felt like.'' I... I love my Murder Mittens, I do. She''s so wifey that in my honest moments I''m not at all surprised that I wind up just lumping her in as ''wife'' even though there''s so many steps I want to take my time with. But Saffron? Oh, fuck. Oh, shit. Saffron just existing makes me forget how much I hate myself.


    I dunno. Maybe I can do better. Maybe I can be better. Maybe I have to be, because maybe hating myself means I''m loving Saffron wrong, and she deserves to be loved right.


    Sorry, little bit maudlin. Murder Mittens and the fam have all been sleeping in Loki''s cave since everybody cuddled up. Nobody''s like, slipped into a coma or shit like that, they''re all still snoring or breathing or whatever. Something about the cave, the way it fucks with time, I think they''re all sleeping until they''re all done sleeping. Like, whatever little alarm that goes off in your head saying, ''oh, shit, I''ve got shit to do, I''ve got to be awake now!'' is perma snoozed, so they''ll wake up when they''re good and rested, rather than when they feel like they''re missing something. If they''re not awake by Friday morning I''ll wake them up, I guess. Hydration and shit.


    So much depressing shit ran through my brain yesterday as I stood there on the mast staring at the docks. It got even worse right around when the sun went down. I mean, it really shouldn''t. I''m a whole assed Deity of darkness and shit, right? I mean, Domnu is, which means I ought to have some of that going on. Like, when I channel my inner rage-moppet and stop time, it gets super dark, and apparently the only two peeps who clock that shit for real are me and her. The only ones I know of, at least. Maybe there are some others who do, but they just haven''t bothered to come over and say anything.


    Right after I collapsed the me in class back into the me on the mast, right before I collapsed myself back to just the one in the cave, I realized that without some kind of clock, I could totally wind up doing a Rip Van Winkle, only staying awake the whole time, which would suck. Yes, I know Rip Van Winkle, we had to read that back in Junior High. Apparently it''s some kind of ''classic''. At any rate, I looked around the cave and realized that everybody I really cared deeply about was right there, and I could totally just snuggle all of them and, fuck, maybe do some kind of Mana IV to keep them from going all mummified.


    Of course, Saffron actually did have shit she wanted to do, and some of it might be sort of time critical, and beyond that she''s got that whole ''fast aging'' thing going on.


    I have to figure out how to make a fuckin'' afterlife. I mean, yeah, Aiden seemed good with Helheim, and I guess I could talk with Hades about dropping some folks in with him. Hell, maybe I could give him a skylight too. I''m sure Persephone would like that. She''s all into plants and shit, and they don''t grow without light, right? What am I even thinking? I know plants don''t grow right without light. That''s basic biology. I mean, forgetting all the details about photosynthesis, sure, but plants need light. Nothing grows in the shade. Hell, that''s not even basic biology, that''s a joke Dolly Parton made about her own waist size.


    Yeah, I think I''ve got a tendency to panic and get stupid, and it''s worse when I''m on my own and have nobody to clock that shit and reboot my brain. Still, I decided on Friday Morning, and I''m letting the fam sleep until then. Any stupidity I come up with before then the world will survive. But no longer than that. No fast aging into decrepitude for my Kitten. I don''t need to be breaking her hips when we celebrate her birthday.


    That thought landed in my brain with the force of a nuclear weapon, and I Co-Located to the Infirmary.


    "Hey, Sister?"


    She spun from where she''d been stretching herself backwards, popping upright with a blush already forming. "Tabitha! Is... it''s a little late..."


    "Oh, shit, sorry. Were you headed to bed?"


    For some inexplicable reason she got even redder. "That''s not what I expected... but..."


    "Look, I''m kinda having a panic attack at the moment, but that''s not important right now. I need to know Saffron''s birthday."


    A bunch of emotions rushed across Sister Siobhan''s face, eventually settling on resignation. "Ah. Well. Normally I''d say that''s privileged information, but the two of you are married with a child, so I suppose I can help you out. Also, having a panic attack isn''t ''not important''. Come here."


    I half staggered over to her desk, where she sat down and pulled down a big ledger and opened it up. She flipped through to the first empty pages, then carefully flipped back two pages. "Here she is. Saffron Aetos, date of birth Door Twenty-Six. Four days from now, plenty of time for you to arrange any kind of celebrations."


    I let out a breath I''d been holding, leaned my ass against Sister Siobhan''s desk, and as an afterthought said, "oh, hey, did you want to come to her birthday party?"


    "Are you certain?"


    "Yeah! Sure! The more the merrier, right?"


    "I..." She shook her head. "I''d be honored. Now, what was that about a panic attack?" I stepped away, shaking my head, but froze when she lay a hand on my forearm. "Tabitha. It is my duty to care for your health. Please, allow me to do that?"


    "I... I can''t..." I didn''t pull away. I couldn''t step further, but I couldn''t step toward her, either. We stayed there like that, her sitting with her hand on my arm, me standing frozen, paralyzed by a million tiny fears that I normally ignored, that got overwhelmed by the shit I dealt with on the daily that should have been terrifying.


    Right then something caught my eye where I stood atop the Black Dragon''s mast. Lights. Lights in the water. All around the Black Dragon, as far as I could see.


    "Sister?"


    "Yes, Tabitha?"


    "I''m going to take you somewhere. It does not count as our date, because Saffron would be upset if she missed that. Okay?"


    She lay her hand a little more firmly on my forearm. Not holding it, exactly, but more than just a simple touch. "Are you sure you shouldn''t be taking her, then?"


    I smiled down at her. "I can show her tomorrow night, I think. She''s sleeping now, and she needs it. But I want to share this with someone. I don''t want to be alone. And I trust you."


    She smiled back up at me. "Well then. Take me where you will." I froze again, then giggled. A moment later I dropped to sit next to her atop the mast. She gasped, looking out across the ever changing rainbow shining up from under the surface of the Bay. We sat there, just silently watching the show. As it got cooler, she slipped an arm around me and we snuggled up a little to share warmth as we watched. Eventually, right around midnight, she shuddered and tensed.


    "What''s up?


    "Don''t you..." She shook her head, then shuddered again. "Do you see that? I''m not even sure I''m seeing anything, let alone what it is?"


    "You mean the lights? Kinda what I brought you here to see."


    She elbowed me, then winced. "Oh, I''m so sorry!" I rolled my eyes at her, and she sighed and said, "No, not the lights. The shadows."


    I blinked, then looked again, watching. It took me longer than I''d liked to pick it out, and when I realized what it was, I realized why I''d had such a hard time seeing it, not to mention why she could see it when nobody else in the fleet had mentioned it. Massive bands of shadow swept across the Bay, clumsily mimicking the brilliant rainbow patterns in the water.


    Appropriate choice of word, considering Sister Siobhan''s spotting the shadows cast on the Mortal Realm by Mimic cavorting on the bay in Metaphoric Space. Cavorting over the dance floor the Bay had become in the night. I still have no idea why nobody''d told me about that shit. Then again, they could put it together as well as I could, if they were close enough to get a better view of the dancers under the water.


    This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    "Don''t worry about it."


    She looked up at me. "Don''t worry about it? Really?"


    I smiled and gave her a sideways hug, enjoying the warmth and the feel of her robes against my bare skin. "No, really. I''d say ''it''s not dangerous'', but that would be a lie, and I made a promise to myself a long, long time ago not to lie to somebody I''m planning on having sex with." I enjoyed how the rainbow lights turned her blush all kinds of funny colors, then said, "it''s dangerous, but I promise you, you are in no more danger here than you would be in the Infirmary."


    "Planning to have sex with?"


    I laughed, rubbing the back of my head with my free hand. "I mean, yeah, I''m not assuming you''ll say yes, and if our date goes horribly I might not even ask, just run away and hope you don''t regret it so bad you won''t do the Infirmary thing for me any more, but I''m trying to be more honest with myself. Even when it makes me feel pretty shitty to admit it."


    "Why would you feel bad about that?"


    "Like. Duh. Married?"


    She smiled up at me. "Didn''t we have this conversation? None of those involved would be hurt by you... um... succeeding in winning my favors? From what you said, the others are more fascinated by the idea than you are."


    I stared at the gargantuan shadows languidly rushing across the sky while I thought about that. Eventually, words leaked out of me. "No. No, I don''t think they are. I mean, shit, yeah, Marie would do every living thing in the Academy given half a chance and a bottle of ouzo, and I suspect you''d be pretty high on the list, but that might be my personal bias. Saffron has a thing for blondes. But no, I think if I weren''t interested, I''d never have talked to you about it. I sure as shit wouldn''t have agreed to a date."


    "Which this isn''t," she interrupted.


    "Nope. Because even if I''ve got a massive amount of guilt about it, irrational guilt according to everybody I trust, which might be why I can function despite it, if this were a date your virtue would not last the night if I had anything to say about it."


    She batted her lashes at me. "Didn''t we talk about that? As anything that passed between us would be chaste, my virtue would remain intact."


    I laughed again. "Okay. Virginity? Ability to honestly say, ''I have not had sex...''?" I waited until she opened her mouth to reply, then cut her off. "A dozen times in one extended encounter?"


    Her reply devolved into a wheeze. After coughing a bit, she laughed and said, "that''s a lot."


    "Too much?"


    It took her three tries to say, "I didn''t say that."


    I nodded solemnly. "So. How much is too much?"


    "Tabitha!"


    "I''m too much now? Well, shit, that puts a damper on..." She silenced me with her fingers on my lips, blushing.


    "I didn''t say that, and you know it. I wondered now and again how you managed to seduce both Saffron and a Maenad, but I think I''m beginning to see."


    I shrugged. "I mean, I love her to pieces, not literally despite how much she bugs me about it, but it''s not like doing the nasty with a Maenad is a huge challenge."


    She shook her head. "Not... not fuck." She blushed at even saying the word, but soldiered on. "Seduce. She''s moved in with you, hasn''t she? Sleeps with you? Changes in front of you?"


    "I mean, sometimes ''gets changed by us''. That''s kinda fun, really. She blushes almost as easy as you do. Easier, for some things."


    Sister Siobhan just nodded. "Sex with a Maenad is easy, as you''ve said. Just wait for a Revel and be brave or stupid. But trust? The trust of a Maenad is no easy thing for any but a Maenad to earn."


    "Oh." I paused. "I guess. But I still gotta know how much is too much?"


    "Dare I ask why?"


    "Well, I mean, if you tell me three hundred and fourteen times is too much, then I gotta accept your boundaries and stop at three hundred and thirteen, right?"


    I watched as she sat there trying to process that. While she did, I came to the very odd realization that at some point, every body surrounding me in the cave had started purring. Not awake, not even close, just vibrating me enough to shake my bones. Eventually Sister Siobhan worked her way through her mass of fatal exception errors and tugged gently at The Dress.


    "Tabitha?"


    "Yeah?"


    "Do I even want to ask what it is?" She nodded to the sky.


    I thought about it a second. When my answer fell into place, I took a deep breath. "I don''t think you do. But I want you to. I might need you to. But," I held my fingers over her lips not unlike what she''d done to me. "The answer will probably terrify you. So right here, right now, I''m absolving you of any duty to me about this," I waved my hand at the sky, at the sea. "If you''re curious, if you want to know, go ahead and ask, and know that you are..." I closed my eyes, took a deep breath. "No less safe than you would be in the Infirmary, or anywhere else in the world. You''re as safe as I can make you, whether you ask or not."


    I slipped my fingers down, dropped my hand to my lap. Without a pause, before my hand even hit my thighs, she asked, "what is it?"


    "She."


    That stopped her, but to her credit, even with her shivering adding the subtlest possible vibrato to her voice, she asked, "she?"


    I nodded to the sky, "that''s m..." I caught myself, hoping she''d take my hesitation for fear of my own. Well, fear for myself, because right then and there I sure as shit had some serious fear about Sister Siobhan suddenly seeming as much a snack to Mimic as she did to me. "That''s Mimic. In M-Space. In the Realm of the Gods. She''s dancing." As Sister Siobhan''s jaw dropped, I nodded to the light show coming from beneath the surface of the Bay. "Dancing with her Kraken."


    I held her while she brought her fear under control. "And yet I''m as safe here as I would be in the Infirmary." I nodded. "I''m not safe anywhere, am I?" she whispered.


    I pulled her into a hug and stroked her hair. "You''ve gotten Her attention. But..."


    "But?"


    "She likes you. Yeah. You''re in danger, maybe, because she can play a little rough, and doesn''t always remember that Mortal people have limits, and she could absolutely hurt you without meaning to..." I trailed off, trying to hold off from telling poor Sister Siobhan shit that would break her to hear. That might chase her off, no matter how much she deserved to know. Because I suddenly really, really wanted her to know, but wanted her more than I wanted her to know.


    "Hurt me?"


    "Not exactly on purpose."


    "Not exactly?"


    I nodded. "Yeah. She might play too hard and hurt you. Or she might not be able to hold back and swallow you, Soul and all, like a tasty treat." I might have licked my lips a little at that. "But her goal isn''t, will never be to hurt you. And..."


    Sister Siobhan blinked, lost at sea, desperately looking for a ship, a lifeboat, a hunk of wood, anything. "And?"


    "She likes you. She would be... furious... if anything happened to you."


    The Sister took a deep breath. "Even if She did it?"


    "Yeah." I smiled, chuckling. "Even more reason for you to make up your mind."


    If she felt some kind of way about me chuckling after talking about her Dark Fatassness eating her Soul, Sister Siobhan managed to get control of that shit fast. "About?"


    "Is it three hundred fourteen? Seventy Two? Sixteen sweet sudden stops for Sister Siobhan? How many is too many? Inquiring minds want to know."


    If her laughter had more than a trace of hysteria, I couldn''t blame her. "I... I guess I''ll have to let you know? But, and I cannot believe I''m saying this, my Lord Canta has a request?"


    "A request." She nodded. "Not, like, a demand, or a command, or commandment from on high?"


    She shook her head, suddenly quiet. "No. He''s seen Artemis. I do not know what that means, but he would not presume to command you, Tabitha Diaz. My Patron Deity respectfully asks something of you. Why is my Patron afraid of you, Tabitha?"


    I smiled, shaking my head. "Nah, he''s got no reason to be."


    "He thinks he does."


    I shrugged. "Is he listening?"


    She nodded. "He hears with my ears, sees with my eyes."


    "Well then." I turned her head so I could whisper in her ear. "He is as safe as you are. Because he is your Patron. Because he is the Deity you choose to worship. Because he''s the one who empowered you. And that matters, because," I paused until the tiniest interrogative whimper squeaked through her lips, "I like you too."


    I leaned backward, my hand clamped to her shoulder the only reason her lips didn''t follow me as I did. That interrogative squeak had definitely become an entirely different sound. Frustrated hungry Sister Siobhan noises for the win. "Please."


    I shook my head. "Nope. Saffron''s not awake."


    "Wake her?"


    "She needs her sleep. So you don''t want me to wake her either."


    I got to watch the hilarious sight of Sister Siobhan beating her fists against her knees as she kicked her feet, throwing the biggest tantrum she could while sitting on the crosspiece of the mast. "I had no idea you could be that much of an utter bitch! Oh, sweet Canta I''m sorry."


    "Nah. I''ll be disappointed if I don''t get you to say that at least once."


    "Well, now I''ve said it."


    I shook my head. "Nah. I mean in amongst everything else I make you scream."


    She wheezed again. "Oh. Oh, that is so not fair. So not fair at all. Wait..."


    "I mean, sure, I''ll wait. What for?"


    She smiled up at me, suddenly serene. "I just realized two things. First, since you''ve convinced yourself that nothing will happen between us tonight, you are..." she paused, blushing. "Ridiculously seductive. A few moments ago I would have thrown myself at you had you not stopped me."


    I nodded. "Good thing, too. I don''t think we could do anything up here without involving the Black Dragon herself," I flicked a fingernail against the mast, "and Saffron would definitely be pissed if she''s not involved in deflowering my ship."


    Sister Siobhan wheezed again, then chuckled. "Yes. Well. Be that as it may, my other realization should leave you far less smug."


    "Me? Smug? Now? Nah."


    "You are absolutely smug right now, and have been looking so since the moment you stopped me."


    "Wait''ll you see me after you''re done screaming." I gotta say, she was right. I was absolutely having fun with this now that I''d decided there would be no consequences. I''m not sure what that said about me. Maybe that I liked playing the game more than collecting the prizes?


    When she stopped making Sister Siobhan squeals, she said, "at any rate, if this is not a date, and you aren''t trying to seduce me now, I''m not sure I''ll even survive whatever you do consider a date, and I am absolutely looking forward to it."


    I sat there with my mouth hanging open for a bit. "Oh. Shit."


    She laughed and leaned into me. We sat there and watched Mimic dance with her Kraken late into the night. One way or another, Sister Siobhan had managed to get me past my panic attack.


    Right around when the Moon hit mid-sky, she yawned and said, "this has been lovely, but I think I need to get home to sleep. Will you be okay?"


    I nodded, put an arm around her, and stepped her back to her chair. "Yeah. Yeah, I think I will. Thanks, Sister."


    "As I''ve said before, any time, Tabitha." Before I could collapse back to myself, she continued with, "but, before you go?"


    "Yeah?"


    "You... you giggled at me before you took me down to see that. As you did, really."


    I thought about it, remembered, and giggled again. "Oh. Oh, yeah. That."


    "Were you laughing at me?"


    "Not... not exactly? More at what you said, and my first thought in response."


    She shook her head, obviously too tired to remember her own exact words. "What did I say?"


    Trying not to Mimic her voice, I said, "Take me where you will."


    She blinked owlishly and, after a moment''s thought, asked, "where else would you have taken me?"


    I definitely Mimicked a certain Grin just then. "On your desk."

 Day Three Hundred And Sixty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    ¡°Build a man a fire, and he''ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he''ll be warm for the rest of his life.¡±


    - Terry Pratchett, Jingo


    Yeah, the library I found had a lot of Pratchett and Rogers. Other stuff, too, but I like what I like. Also, the one makes me laugh and the other makes me feel like, I dunno, I could be a better person. No, that''s not quite right. It makes me want to be a better person, but also makes me feel like I might not be a total trash human being to begin with.


    So yesterday was pretty dull. No idea why, but no Undead in the alley. Red flags totally handled by Olga and her Jotnar.


    I spent the whole fuckin'' day on lookout, enjoying the breeze and the sun. I''m probably gonna wind up red like a lobster by the time I''m done with this gig, but that''s okay. I needed to get my tan on anyhow. While I stood there soaking in the sun atop Black Dragon''s mast, I sat there soaking in the literal good vibrations from the family in Loki''s cave.


    By the time night rolled around, I wasn''t manic, or depressed, or panicked, or anything, really. A little bit tired, like I''d been up too long, because fuckin'' duh. A little bit bored, because I''m not going to screw up any element of surprise I might have by robbing Olga of her spotlight just because I''m a little antsy. But mostly just somehow finding a surprising reservoir of chill to carry me through the day.


    I absolutely was not fantasizing about sexualizing a Sister Siobhan squeaky toy. When you intend to go through with it I''m told it''s called ''planning''. Or maybe ''premeditation'', depending on whether somebody''s pressing charges. After last night I really don''t think charges are what Sister Siobhan intends to press.


    Once the sun went down, almost winking at me as it fell behind the horizon, I hung my binoculars on a handy hook and settled in to do the same kind of mental math I''d done back during my Cure marathon during the plague. Hey, some people sing songs, some people exercise, I do math. Don''t judge me. Okay, maybe a little about the geometry I''d been doing earlier, but I''ve got permission for that. Now I wanna have Saffron write something up, then laminate it, so when someone, probably me, gets on my case about it I can whip it out and say, ''it''s okay, I''ve got a permit!''


    Yeah, I don''t know if that would work or not, but it would be funny as shit, and I''ve found it''s difficult to keep panties on when you''re laughing your ass off. I mean, it would be if I wore any.


    I dunno, maybe I ought to do that more often, to be a good example for my little hellspawn. Or maybe I ought to just be as me as I can be, and encourage her to be as her as she can be. Like, within the bounds of not hurting anybody who doesn''t deserve that shit.


    At any rate, assuming Calverton started off with an even hundred thousand Undead, because even if the Mayor was right and they left ninety thousand odd unburied bodies behind, I could totally see ten thousand people wandering in and getting Undeaded before the local countryside got the message that Calverton was a no fly zone. No real idea on how many of those were Hero sorts; I''ve got to get with Mayor McCann and ask him about that. Maybe Hargreaves knows, and he''s at least here in Calverton. Of course, he''s our local terrain expert, helping Swanson sort out how we can push the Undead back while holding an advancing perimeter.


    Listen to me, talking about shit like ''advancing perimeters'' and ''terrain'' like I know what I''m talking about. I mean, I even do, for a duBois certified version of not being completely clueless.


    We''ve got fifteen thousand troops to hold that perimeter, but to keep them healthy we''ve got them in three eight hour shifts, and if they''re not one of the five thousand guarding the perimeter, they''re under a Mana Ward, which seems to protect against Miasma pretty well. Weyson tells me it works even better if the folks inside the Mana Ward do ''life affirming'' stuff, so while they''re not sleeping, we''ve been encouraging little mini Revels. I mean, only so much you can do with rations and distilled water, but when the wind is right, I can hear them singing. I really hope the ones who are supposed to be sleeping can sleep with the noise.


    But that''s our defenses, fifteen thousand guys in three shifts holding a perimeter that we''re carefully keeping as defensible as possible.


    They''re not the ones out there putting down Undead.


    That job fell to the Jarls, the Heroes, and the Trolls. The Trolls didn''t have nearly the hitting power of a Phileo Hero, but they made up for it by being nearly fuckin'' impossible to stop. Everybody in the Army had standing orders to report for Smiting and Healing if they got injured, like even a fuckin'' paper cut. That meant our Clergy were getting a fuckin'' workout, but I had very little extra sympathy for Clergy since the Plague. I mean, yeah, they came through in the end, and for the ones of little Gods who might have gotten their asses kicked and Clergy killed for helping me, I can''t really blame them. But Artemis had two High Priestesses along for the ride, and if I saw them upright and not sweating their asses off from Smiting, I got cranky.


    So we had like twenty four hundred Undead Killers. The Jarls wanted to just charge forward and kill as many Undead as they could, but with Swanson, Olga, and Hargreaves all telling them that not only was that fuckin'' stupid, it would also piss me off, they chose the path of retaining their wedding tackle and nostrils and followed the fuckin'' plan. Which was our guys moving in groups of just under a hundred; thirty mixed Hero types, fifty Trolls backing them up or holding the line as needed, doing two hour sweeps just beyond our perimeter. We had thirty groups like that doing two sweeps a day each, with the rest of their time spent backing up the perimeter. So far they''d averaged one kill each per day, which had them all griping.


    If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.


    Of course, while those ''kills'' were mostly random bastards who''d gotten back up after the Plague killed them, each group had also hit at least one fallen Hero type a day. One fallen Hero against one of our Phileo Heroes wasn''t a foregone conclusion, and I''d pit one of our Philly shit kickers against anybody from anywhere else, because as duBois implied back when we started our Combat Training with Squadball, fighting isn''t about fair, and the dude who can heal, throw fire, and beat the shit out of you with weapons has as big an unfair advantage as Phileo Heroic could give them.


    So we wound up putting down about two thousand Undead a day. Assuming we didn''t hit some kind of break point where they all charged us and died in droves, or where the Miasma broke and they started dropping ''naturally'', that meant fifty days. We were gonna be here until the fuckin'' dog days of summer. I was gonna be sitting on this fuckin'' mast on my fuckin'' birthday. Which would therefore not include nearly as much fucking as I wanted it to.


    On the other hand? So far the one fatality we''d had was a non-combat related fatality. Some poor bastard got a load of bricks dumped on him while they were reinforcing the wall at our end of sus alley. Undead, monsters, all this shit going on, and our one death was straight out of fuckin'' Looney Tunes. I didn''t even hear about it until two days later, or I''d have Revived the poor bastard just to laugh at his ass. Not sure what that says about me. But they gave him a nice pyre, and Hargreaves set aside a nice chunk of what had been looted so far for his family. I think it got shipped back the day after his pyre, not sure. Thing is, so far that had been our only fatality. We were whittling away at the Undead, and because we weren''t being testosterone laden assholes about it, they weren''t doing shit in return.


    By the time I got done juggling numbers, toasting the poor dead bastard who may still wind up getting the Alliance''s version of OSHA named after him, if I can swing it, and maybe doing a little ''swaying in place'' dancing along with Mimic and her Kraken, the sun peeked over the horizon.


    Back in Loki''s cave I jostled everybody in the pile with me and said, "okay, everybody. Time to wake up."


    Marie moved first, stretching from nose to tail, first bowing her back up, then shoving her front to the ground and her ass in the air. "Gah! Marie!"


    She turned to me, smiling. "What?"


    "I''ve been covering for everybody for like two days, and everybody I''d feel okay getting busy with has been here sleeping! Then you go and do... that!"


    She snickered, then oozed over to me in that way cats do; when she got within lunging distance my face filled with Marie, and my mouth with her tongue. By the time I came up for air I''d missed both boot up sequences. I couldn''t complain too much, though, what with Saffron waiting impatiently to prevent me from breathing the moment Marie let go of me. Eventually she pulled away just long enough to say, "good morning, love." I think she''d intended to say more, but Marie tossed the Menace at me and stole Saffron for some serious face sucking.


    "Good morning, Menace. You sleep well?"


    She nodded, smiling. "Thweep to gwow!" She jumped back to stand in front of me, and I swear her eyes were almost even with mine. I mean, I was sitting on my ass on the floor, leaning against Loki''s bed, but even accounting for that and her size shifting shenanigans, I still got kinda wowed by how big she''d gotten. Then she turned to me and, with that serious face I''ve only ever seen on little kids, put her hands on my cheeks. "Mama tiyud."


    "Yeah, I kinda am. Totally worth it to let you guys sleep your fill, though."


    I put my arms around her to give her a hug, and she got yoinked along with me when a hand big enough to one hand me lifted me off my ass and pulled me onto his lap. "I do hope you haven''t undone my work?" Loki prodded me a bit, opening my eyes and looking in, doing a minor bit of his massage thing. "Have the Undead been passive then?"


    I shrugged. "We''re doing everything we can to take things slow and careful. Either they''re all so close to mindless that it''ll just be a long, slow, tedious job to do it without losing anybody, or they''ve got at least a few smart ones who are holding back and studying us, which means we''ll all get powerfucked painfully at some point."


    He set me on my feet and ruffled my hair. "Well. I''ll see if there''s anything I can do to perhaps lean things toward the former outcome. Or at least mitigate the latter."


    "Thanks, Boss. You''re the best." I hopped up and gave him a hug, then got the same from Sigyn after she sat up and stretched. She''s the Boss'' wife, and my stepmother, but by all that''s holy her stretch was just as distracting as Marie''s.


    I really needed to get laid before my brain shut down completely. Yeah, I know it had only been a couple days, but I am, and I know this is an archaic technical term, but bear with me, a lusty wench. Which is a hell of a lot better thing to be than a rusty wrench. Even if both of them are frequently used to get nuts off.


    After the Menace and I got good morning hugs from Sigyn, I scooped Isnomi back up, hopped down to the floor, and said, "you guys ready to head home, get dressed, and get to work?"


    Saffron stood and wandered over. "Are you sure, love?"


    I nodded. "Yeah. I''ve kinda got a second wind at the moment, I think."


    She pulled me to her, putting her arms around my waist, letting Menace scramble onto her shoulders. "I don''t want you hurting yourself, Goof."


    I smiled. "I know. I''ll have Marie with me today, and she can get me back to you, or Loki, or maybe Sister Siobhan if something happens to me. Hell, with her along I only need to take care of the Mages, so long as she remembers to use the weapons I gave her instead of sticking her claws into the Miasma again.


    She had the grace to look sheepish. "Angry."


    I nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I get that. Thing is?" I waited until her ears perked up. "That was on purpose, I think. They want us mad. They want us to get impatient, aggressive, mad, whatever it takes to stick our shit out where they can slice it off. So to win? We have to be patient. We have to keep doing what we''re doing, fight our fight instead of theirs, and be ready to change shit up the moment they catch on. But mostly, we''ve got to keep ourselves under control."


    Saffron pulled my chin down until I looked her in the eye. "My Goof? My Attack Dog? My beautiful berserker boasting of her plans of careful, methodical advance? Who are you and what have you done with Tabitha?"


    I smiled, looked so deep into her eyes I thought I could see the steel of her Soul, and thought, I want to get back on schedule, and I have a few things I want to do after dark. But once those are done, I insist you and Marie tag team me until I lose consciousness.


    "There she is. Shall we be about our day, then?"

 Day Three Hundred And Sixty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    "The greatest gift that you can give another person is to gracefully receive whatever it is that they want to give us."


    Fred Rogers


    That''s deep, sir, but it''s my wife''s birthday in two more days and I have zero idea what to get her. Okay, I''ve got a lot of ideas, but I''d like at least one that I can give her during the party, y''know? Like something I can actually wrap up in a box and watch her tear the wrapping paper off, then go ''ooh! A thing I would never have gotten for myself in a million years but always wanted without realizing I wanted it thank you so much I love you!''


    Y''know, something that makes her feel the way I feel when I look at her.


    So yesterday turned out to be pretty dull, Calverton-wise. I watched for flags and flares, because our Undead Killer squads are getting deep enough in that there aren''t always spots to wave a flag, or even throw up a flagpole. Honestly, I think I might need to move forward to a closer base eventually. Either that, or figure out a way to get Black Dragon moving and shift her and the rest of the fleet closer to Calverton itself. Really, I''d love to see her moving under her own power, probably even more than I''d like the guns up and ready to fire, because we''re trying to liberate Calverton, not level it.


    We got called in once when Olga had moved out to rescue a Killer Squad, and another one threw up a flare. I punched my Blend all the way up, grabbed Marie by the hand and stepped us to the nearest roof I could see from the Black Dragon. The Miasma hit us immediately; nothing so bad as one of the Mages we''d faced, but clearly more than the normal background in Calverton. We peeked over the edge of the roof and saw the problem immediately; the Trolls had formed a perimeter, and were holding out just fine against the swarm of basic bitch Undead gathered around, but there were a few dozen Undead Archers on a roof down the way, firing from cover. Normally our Mages would just toss some fire or shit, but they had to keep Mana Wards up to prevent the Miasma from overcoming the Trolls.


    Maybe a little bit of a tactical error on the part of the commander of this squad of Undead Killers, but after I''d stressed playing it safe, I wasn''t going to get on somebody''s case because they prioritized defense over offense.


    End those Archers, Murder Mittens.


    Gladly, Vlickies.


    White fur and shining steel flashed behind the Archers, limbs flying, strings snapping, and heads flying as several Maries happened to the Archers. A moment later she reappeared next to me, grinning and doing fancy staff spinning shit with her swordstaff. I Co-Located down to the guy in our squad with the fanciest armor, dropped my Blend to normal, and asked, "can you guys handle it from here?"


    If he jumped a little when he realized he''d just jostled me, I didn''t blame him. Then again, this Killer Squad was packed in a little tight. "No, Majesty, no problem... I mean yes, yes, we can take it from here."


    I smiled up at him, tapping him on the pauldron just hard enough to make it ring. "No worries. Just want to make sure you guys are staying safe out here. If you''re good I''m gonna head back to overwatch then?"


    "Yes, Majesty! Thank you!"


    I collapsed back to the me on the roof, took Marie by the hand and collapsed us back to the Black Dragon''s mast, then hugged her. "You were great, sweetie. Any Miasma sticking to you?" She shrugged, so I said, "hang on tight!" and whomped her with a Smite. Her eyes glowed a little, then she kinda melted over me and purred. I took the opportunity to engage in some snuggling time while I watched for more flags or flares.


    When the sun touched the horizon, which meant our troops had settled in for the night, the two of us hopped back to our suite, where Marie had the Menace waiting for us. After getting her tucked in with Mister Kraken, I carefully tugged the other two into the bedroom, whispering, "I have to show you two something." A moment later we all stood on the mast of the Black Dragon just as the glow beneath the waves started up.


    As she watched the rainbow patterns flowed through the Bay, Saffron whispered, "so beautiful."


    I snuggled her from one side, Marie on the other. Our big tiger lady just purred. When I asked, "what do you think, Mittens?"


    "Yes."


    We both laughed at that, right up until the other two noticed the shadows playing over the water. "Is that who I think it is?"


    "Yeah. That''s... that''s me, dancing with my Kraken."


    "I think I understand now why the Undead haven''t tried to retake the Bay."


    I snorted. "Y''think?" Softer, I said, "I wish I had a way to talk to them."


    She shrugged. "You do, though. Just go down there and do it."


    I turned her head around to look her in the eyes. "Dafuq?"


    She giggled, still lighthearted from the beauty under the waves, I thought. "They... they don''t speak, exactly, but we communicated when I retrieved you after the Spring Equinox."


    I looked down into the kaleidoscopic patterns beneath the waves and thought, for just a minute, about diving in. "I''m gonna have go to talk to them eventually."


    Saffron leaned into me, pulling Marie against her as well. "But not tonight?"


    "Not tonight. I''m still tired, I think."


    We sat there for a while until Saffron shook her head. "Wait, I know! You should bring Siobhan here for your date!"


    I froze. "Uh..."


    "Tabitha!"


    "Yes?"


    I took comfort in the laughter burbling beneath the surface of her voice. "Did you Just Happen to Siobhan last night?"


    "No!"


    "So it was planned then?"


    Before I could respond, Marie chuckled out, "Probably."


    "No! No, I didn''t! I was having a panic attack, and I had a question I had to ask her, and I told her about the panic attack, and she came back here to help me stop panicking!"


    Saffron leaned against a crosspiece of the mast, smiling at me as much as she had been at the water. "so she came here without you Just Happening to her?"


    I nodded. "Yeah! No Happening occurred! I mean, I might have gotten a little flirty, maybe, because I was so fuckin'' nervous, but nothing else happened! I even stopped her when she tried to kiss me!"


    That got her. Sort of. She just stared at me like I''d grown another head. "You... why?"


    "Because you said..."


    "I said what?"


    I took a deep breath, thinking about what she''d said. Okay, thinking about what I remembered about what she said, which even I knew wasn''t the same thing. "You want to, y''know, be watching. If I do anything with anybody else other than you two."


    A smile teased at her lips. "And you included kissing in that?"


    "Well... Yeah. I mean... yeah." I didn''t want to mention exactly how long it had taken for us to go from ''kissing'' to ''fucking like rabid weasels'', just in case she felt some kinda way about it.


    The smile that had lurked broke free, and it was fucking sunshine in the middle of the night. "First you give me both femurs, then this. I love you, Tabitha Diaz, but I never expected this."


    I couldn''t help the tension crawling up my spine. "Uh, what did I do now?"


    She pulled me to her. Then, without warning, Marie yoinked me fully across both their laps, spun me around so I lay with my face just below Saffron''s, my ass braced by Marie''s arm. "I never expected you to be thoughtful. I know how much you care, but I never expected you to... well, I suppose we did work to teach you restraint, but I never expected you to use it for this." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "For me. Not like this."


    This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    Before I could reply, Marie whispered, "Truth."


    "But... I love you guys. Why wouldn''t I do that for you?"


    She shook her head and kissed me, long and slow, with Marie''s arms around both of us. When we came up for air, she said, "because it flies in the face of your basic nature, Goof. You live in the moment, in the eternal now. To think that with her right here, trying to kiss you, you''d stop because you thought I wanted you to wait..." she shook her head again. "It''s humbling, in a way."


    "Why?''


    "It would be like... like Marie turning away from Dionysus, or me losing control of myself."


    My brow furrowed. "But... you''ve done those things?"


    She laughed, the sound pure and full of awareness and acceptance of her own fallibility. "But I''m a mere mortal, My Goddess, and you, you are a force of nature."


    I nodded to Marie. "She''s a Goddess too."


    Saffron rolled her eyes. "She is. She is, and yet, here she sits, next to me, more powerful than me by far, but still... comprehensible. I can compare myself to her. Even favorably, within my areas of expertise. But you... you...." She shook her head, then her eyes sprung wide, and she waved her arms at the sky. "This. This is you. Shadows stretching to the horizon in every direction. We are both of us, Woman and Goddess, powerless against the force of nature we love so dearly."


    Again, before I could reply, Marie chimed in with, "True."


    "I... I worry about that, y''know." Words leaked out of me as they listened. "I worry that I''m hurting you... no, twisting you into things you''d never be if I weren''t here."


    "You are."


    "I shou..." Saffron''s fingers slipped across my mouth, and Marie''s did a second later.


    "I would never have become Imperator had you not twisted my fate. Marie would still be a shadow of what she should be, a menial bound to an oath forgotten by those she gave it to. You cannot help it, love. You are a force of nature, and the world bends around you as is right and good." She paused after those last words. "Marie, would you rather be what you were?"


    "No."


    I shook my head, "but it''s never enough. I want to change her even more. I want... I... I''m just this huge pit of hunger and I gobble up everything around me whether..." I petered off as she kissed my forehead.


    "Has Sister Siobhan been added to your list of lovers?"


    I pouted. "No."


    She whispered in my ear, "did you want her to be?"


    Guilt grabbed me, but I answered honestly. "Kinda."


    "Do you still want her?"


    Tears leaked from me. "Yeah?"


    She kissed my tears away. I think she might have licked a couple of them away, which was just so weird it interrupted my whole guilt thing long enough to understand when she said, "I look forward to that."


    "So... so fuckin'' weird. But I guess you like blondes?"


    She chuckled. "As I''ve said, I''ve grown up in a City where ''fair'' is seen as synonymous with ''beautiful''. Wait, are you offering to share her with me?"


    "No! Wait, yes? Shit, it''s not like she''s a new bike and I can just offer everybody a fuckin'' ride. But, like, I''d be a complete bitch if I said ''no, you can''t have her'' after telling you straight up that I want to get with her, wouldn''t I?" My sniffles were sneaking back, despite lingering weirdness from her licking my tears away.


    She nuzzled me. "You are My Goddess, love. You are a storm and a sea and strength beyond measure. You may be any kind of bitch you like and I will love you no less."


    I buried my face into her neck. "You deserve better than a bitch."


    She sighed. "Marie, I think it''s time we put our bitch to bed." The next moment I tumbled into our bed, and Saffron''s face filled my vision, a joyful Grin stretching her lips. "Now, my beautiful Bitch. Bark for me."


    I don''t really remember any details, because the two of them did exactly as I asked and pile drove my consciousness into the soft, pillowy mattress with an absolute lack of mercy.


    Mimic danced with her Kraken in the Bay, an impressive feat with chibi Chef Marie yeeting chibi Chef Saffrons into her maw as fast as her arms could throw them. I swear if that bitch had a face it would have looked like a Jackson Pollock painting under UV light after they were done. Some tiny guilty part of me wanted to not enjoy it. But oh, god, she tasted so good, felt so good splashing across me like a torrential downpour. That tiny voice lost itself to endless frenzied feasting.


    I woke up to the sun streaming in through the curtains, with Saffron lying next to me playing with my hair.


    "Good morning, Kitten."


    She stretched, yawning, then snuggled in next to me. "Good morning, Goof. Sleep well?"


    "I think you know I did, no matter how disturbing the awesome dreams were. I think you''re responsible for both the good sleep and the.... dreams."


    She pouted into my side. "Not good dreams?"


    "They still scare me. But..."


    "But?"


    It took me a second to find the words, during which she burrowed into my side. "I''m humbled that you think I''m worth all that."


    She pulled away, a finger on my chin turning my face to hers. "I do. That and any other prize you desire."


    I don''t know what came over me, but whatever bit had taken control of my vocal cords while on the Mast with Sister Siobhan decided to pay another visit. "Even if..."


    "Go on?"


    "I bring Hilde back in the sluttiest lingerie I can imagine, then cart her off and despoil her while not letting you watch?"


    Her eyes wide, Saffron just wheezed at me. "Oh. Oh, you cruel bitch."


    "Despoiled her beyond ever wanting anything ever again? Despoiled her right into the ground?"


    She panted, one hand clutching at me. "I know, in my heart, that you are joking, because you would never kill someone for that, but..."


    "Ericson."


    She swallowed, tensing. "Someone innocent of any wrongdoing."


    I whispered into her hair, "are you ab-so-lute-ly sure?" I teased each syllable out, enjoying the way she tensed with each one.


    She just melted across the front of me, murmuring, "I am sure of only one thing. Whatever you choose, I am yours and I love you, and whether you choose the path of savior or destroyer, whether you build me up to let me rule the world or fatten me up to swallow me Soul and all, I will drown in ecstasy every moment your attention is focused on me, and it will echo in me for as long as any vestige of me remains, whether a statue viewed by some far distant descendant, or a tiny dissolving mote in your voracious maw."


    I laughed; not cruelly, but with more than a little bit of nervousness. "No pressure or anything, though, right?"


    She frowned at me. "Of course not? I just said, I''m yours no matter what. Joyfully. Gleefully."


    "You... you sound a little bit fanatic there."


    "Duh."


    I pursed my lips. "So. What about that then? What if I told you to not be so fanatic?"


    Her frown got really deep. "Is... I''m not... Do..."


    The tiniest sparkle in her eyes had me kissing her eyelids. "No, no, no, no, no, Kitten. Don''t cry. Please don''t cry. I was playing."


    "But... do you want that?"


    "No. No, not if it hurts you."


    "So you do."


    "NO!" I grabbed her and pulled her up so I could look right into her eyes, so she could see how serious I was. "No! I want you to be you! You just... oh, shit."


    Confusion replaced some of the hurt, and I rejoiced. "Oh shit?"


    "You scare me."


    That broke a dam in her, and after a single barked out laugh, she laughed and cried both at the same time, snark flowing from her all the while. "Oh. Oh, no! Not fear! Not that! Whatever could possibly be worse than fear!"


    I shut her up by the only means I had available and acceptable. I kissed her, even as she laughed and snarked into my fuckin'' mouth. Eventually she settled down a bit, and as she lay there chuckling she said, "so, what did you have to ask Siobhan about?"


    "Uh..."


    "Ooh! Was it favorite foods? What she wanted to do on your date?" She batted her lashes at me and stared out from under them. "Positions she wants to try before you inevitably exhaust her?"


    "Uh... it''s a secret?"


    Her head tilted. "Seriously?"


    I nodded. "Nothing bad. Well, a little embarrassing for me, but nothing bad. I promise. I''m gonna go talk with Marie about it later, and it''s not anything bad."


    "You said that twice." A laugh burbled out of her. "You do this to me so easily. Make me laugh, make me cry."


    "I''m sorry."


    "Don''t be! I feel... better afterward. Lighter. Happier? Maybe. More content, definitely. Oh! Wait! You asked her what kind of lingerie she wants you to wear!"


    Inspiration hit, and after my immediate response of, "No!" I paused, then acting like I was all smooth and shit asked, "so... what lingerie should I put Hilde in, anyhow?"


    "Oh. Oh, you''re mean."


    "Sorry."


    She slapped my tit, just hard enough to sting a little, not hard enough to hurt. "Don''t be. In case you hadn''t caught on, I think I might like it just a little. But..."


    When her pause went on a little long, I asked, "but?"


    "If you do something like that? Please, please, please, don''t hurt yourself. Don''t hurt her, because I think that would hurt you. And if you do it..." She took a deep breath. "If you hurt her to hurt me, do it because it brings you joy, not for any lesser reason."


    I ruffled her hair. "You are not good for my intent to be a better person some times. One condition."


    "Name it."


    "Tell me, right now, what lingerie, on Hilde, would shatter your self-control like cheap glass, like ice falling to the Practice Yard from the Academy roof." She bit her lip, whining, and I leaned my ear over near her mouth. "It''s okay, you can whisper it to me." She breathed her answer into my ear so faintly I could barely hear it, slipping a visual into my brain almost unwillingly as she did. "Oh. Oh, shit, Kitten. Damn. That''s... wow."


    "Is it too much?"


    I kissed her hair as I answered, "make you a deal. I''ll tell you if you''re too much, and you just be absolutely as much as you can be until I do."


    She snorted. "Isn''t that almost exactly what I''ve been telling you, as regards the Sister?"


    I tilted my head as I thought about it a moment. "Not really. You''ve been telling me to give in to impulses I grew up being told were wrong, and I''m not sure I can. I''m telling you not to worry about whether something you want is too much until I tell you it is. Different, see?"


    She smiled. "Not really. Do you love me?"


    "Yes!"


    "Then anything else is negotiable."


    I pulled her back under my arm, letting her snuggle in. "Yeah. Yeah, I can live with that. Negotiable."


    She giggled. "You''re so mercurial."


    "Somebody told me I live in the now. It bites me in the ass a lot, I think, but right here, right now? I think I''m gonna snuggle my wife and enjoy the now." I remembered something and frowned. "Wait, who''s watching Calverton?"


    She purred at me. "Marie and I, silly."


    "I don''t want you in danger."


    She nodded. "I know, and that''s why you''re conquering the world for me, to make it safe for me and our daughter. But I''m as safe as Marie and Vulcan can make me."


    I settled back down, secure in the notion that holy fuck I absolutely did not settle back down, one of me dropped onto the Black Dragon''s mast, The Dress wrapped around me as sloppily as she''d ever been, armored bits clinking into place. The two of them took one look at me and broke up laughing. I looked down and definitely had a chuckle my own self.


    ''Sloppy'' wasn''t quite the right word.


    The correct word was ''gladiatorial''. In all it''s full frontal glory.


    Eh. Call it an early birthday present for my Kitten. That''s sure as fuck what I''m gonna do.

 Day Three Hundred And Sixty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    "Love conquers all difficulties, surmounts all obstacles, and effects what to any other power would be impossible."


    - William Godwin


    Still have no idea what I''m going to get Saffron for her birthday. I mean, yeah, there''s all the party preparation, and I''ve got that one kinda personal ''gift'', but that''s not exactly something she can wear around her neck or keep in a pocket or some shit like that. I mean, hell, we don''t even have cameras, or I''d fuckin'' have Marie take some glamour shots and shit. Hell, even straight up pics taken in the act; she could keep them in her wallet or in a locket or something. Yeah, my instincts are screaming at me ''but what if somebody sees them or something'', but let''s face it, after what I did with Ericson, that ship has fuckin'' sailed.


    Speaking of ships sailing, after spending Saturday night aboard, apparently she had one of her going through the Black Dragon with a Marie by her side, testing out what worked on a purely mechanical basis. Well, what we could force to work, anyhow. It takes her a bit, but Marie can actually raise the anchors. I think it''s mostly a leverage thing; it''s meant to be done in an emergency by a crew of guys, and there was only one Marie cranking at things. The ammo hoists can be moved manually, which just kinda makes sense. Same with the turrets and the actual guns themselves, although in all three cases I''m pretty sure it''s like a car with power steering with the engine off. You''ve got to manhandle shit without power assist or even any real mechanical advantage, and you might actually be breaking some shit, but you can do it.


    I can even kinda see why some of the shit is like that; if you''re a big assed target in the middle of the ocean, and for whatever reason your power is out, but you''ve still got hate to throw down range, you''re gonna want to be able to, y''know, aim that shit, otherwise you might as well just dump it overboard and hope it floats the right way. Of course, Saffron and I could both be wrong about whether any of those things were designed to be moved by muscle power in an emergency. It''s not like any human from the world of my birth had the ability to just shove their entire arm through an inch thick steel plate like it''s fuckin'' aluminum foil. Marie might just be breaking shit.


    Obviously there''s a lot of shit that''s not meant to be powered, like the doors. Even the big ones between sections of the hull are just big solid fuckin'' metal doors with those round wheels on them to lock them shut. Apparently those aren''t a thing on ships here and now. Not, like, metal doors, but bulkheads that separate parts of the ship so even if one part floods, the rest stay buoyant. I think Svart might have made a mess in his fuckin'' shorts the first time he grokked that. For the first time in Europan and Atlantean history, somebody other than the English is gonna have the most advanced ships around. Svart designed Odin''s Triumph and Odin''s Pride Loki''s Prize, and I think he still felt some kinda way about me calling them big sailboats. He''s also more or less taken over the royal docks, which might include drydocks, and definitely include places to build big fuckin'' sailboats. Only now with compartmentalization and maybe even some kind of power other than big bedsheets.


    If Saffron can figure out how stuff works well enough to make it go or reproduce it, I have no doubt Svart will be including that shit in his designs. He''s already conned Admiral Pesce into a few late night bull sessions about how, uh, I don''t remember the whole thing, but something about using a steering wheel instead of a stick? Yeah, that shit''s apparently a state secret, but Norfolk is part of the Alliance now, and Saffron''s been pretty fuckin'' tyrannical about every City in the Alliance being an equal partner, militarily.


    After showing up in my full frontal gladiator outfit atop Black Dragon''s mast yesterday, I spent the day doing cat things. Y''know, ''I meant to do that''. I might feel some kinda way about every fuckin'' person in the Alliance Armed Forces knowing exactly how my hair grows south of the border, but I sure as shit wasn''t gonna let them know I cared. If Ericson was a bigger asshole than Gregor, and he got to wave his fuckin'' club around with no better excuse than being Big Mad and Painted Blue, I could flash the world and have it be a Them Problem. Marie and Saffron, beautiful Souls they are, backed me up without me saying anything; when we all stepped across to the docks to talk with Olga, Hargreaves, and Swanson, they showed up with their armored bits on. Gotta hand it to my son, Marie''s fancy useless armored bits looked just as good added to her copy of Glowing Midnight as they did on her Maid''s Uniform.


    We wound up doing a fuckin'' troop review. I got to give a speech I don''t even remember the details of. I''m pretty sure nobody else does, either, although in their case it was because ''holy shit, tits, holy shit, hoo hah, holy shit, scars, scars, scars'' rather than the constant Murder Mittens snickering punctuated by gales of silent laughter from Saffron every time I forgot myself and started making big wavy motions with my arms, which made six thousand odd sets of eyes bobble as they followed the bouncing of my boobs. Then I had to do the whole fuckin'' shit show all over again, because I didn''t pull the troops off the perimeter or pull in the active Killer squads just to watch me give a speech. So I had to give them an encore by special unanimous request. Then I had to do another from the deck of the Black Dragon, where the Navy guys still aboard ship could see me.


    Like, somewhere between ninety and a hundred eighty minutes of pure happy sappy go team bullshit spouted, and I don''t remember one fuckin'' bit of it. Maybe I was in some kinda fugue state. I know that after I yoinked one each of them back to the Love Shack in the middle of the first speech, Saffron had Marie pin me in her lap so she could stare right in my eyes and quietly lecture me about how I needed to focus on the brave men and women fighting to liberate Calverton. All while fuckin'' laughing her ass off inside my head. Of course, I cannot adequately describe how I felt after that third speech, with cheers echoing over the fuckin'' Bay from every god blessed ship in the fuckin'' fleet, when the Saffron in the Love Shack, who''d had Marie pinning me in place all day, lay a hand on each of my temples, pulled me in to kiss me on the forehead, and said, "I am so proud of you, my love."


    I kinda melted right there and then. Possibly with extreme melty side effects. Definitely stopped all my struggling to wriggle free of Marie and have my very pointed way with a certain Kitten.


    Y''know, it just now occurred to me that I must have realized they were right. Not like anything can bind me when I don''t want to be bound.


    Of course, while the part of me that still looks in the mirror and expects to see a vaguely dumpy brown girl is still curled up in a corner weeping or some bullshit, two things surprised me. Less surprising, this morning when I checked in with the command staff, they tell me morale is at an all time high throughout the whole fuckin'' Expedition. More surprising, no matter what part of my memory I poke at, no matter how much I try to find even one set of eyes looking at me disrespectfully, I can''t think of a single fuckin'' one. Oh, ogling happened, sure. If lust was actively harmful to Undead, I''m pretty sure we''d have burned a few thousand more with each speech. Yeah, we. While the part of me indoctrinated by the whole ''sex bad'' Puritanism of the world of my birth curled up in a corner, most of me kinda sorta reveled in that shit. I think I get why rock stars who do a lot of stadium concerts can start thinking they''re Gods and shit.


    Probably doesn''t help that I am, in fact, a Goddess, and that shit was absolutely worshipful. A really randy kind of worshipful, but not disrespectful worship.


    No, despite impulses from Her Eternal Dark Fatassness, I will not be pulling a ten thousand car train tomorrow. Even if Saffron asks real nice. I''ve got shit to do.


    I can''t believe I said that with my own mouth. Am I growing up or some shit like that? Weird.


    Anyhow, Mimic Dreams included chibi-Chef Marie slowly lowering chibi-Chef Saffron into the maw. Gently, with the sous chef squad layering in the shrimp and beans around her like cushions. Weird as fuck. Also weird that the fattest of M-Space asses has now decided the docks are okay to plant parts of her ass on. Not, like, actually sitting there or anything, but kinda propping her ass up like you do when you''re trying to get somebody''s attention despite the fact that they''re busy doing something else, so you just let the edge of the desk push the squishy part of your ass up into maximum pertness positioning. Not like I can do that any more, but still.


    Today I wound up fully on point when it came to my ''getting ready for Ultimate Saffron Birthday Bash'' tasks. I almost screwed up, because despite a year of dealing with ''Monday Night'' starting at sunset on Sunday, I still thought I had another night before Saffron''s birthday officially started. Thankfully Marie and Jon are absolutely on point when it comes to stupidly simple shit.


    When Marie and I hit the Black Dragon''s mast, I turned to her. "Hey, Marie, I need your help with part of Saffron''s birthday gift. Some clothing..." I shot her the imagery I''d snitched from Saffron''s brain yesterday. "can you do the soft bits of that? And maybe get smith Jon to do the rest?" She looked at me, one eyebrow arched, but I had a completely unfair card to play, and for Saffron''s birthday, you know I played that shit. "Please, wifey?" She whimpered and blushed a little, and I continued with, "I promise, I have not forgotten about you. Wait... when is your birthday, anyhow?"


    She frowned and, after a moment, said, "Calendar."


    "Oh, shit. You predate the fuckin'' modern calendar?" She frowned, and after a second I appended. "Fuckin'' hell, you predate calendars?" She shrugged. "So, they just weren''t a big thing where you were from, when you were born? Or... no... people have always cared about planting crops and shit. But... dates and months?" She nodded. "Holy fuck."


    She just grinned down at me. "Literally."


    I rolled my eyes. "We can take care of that after Saffron''s birthday, okay?" The next moment one of me stared up at the ceiling of the Love Shack as Marie''s face occluded it. "Or we could take care of that now, so long as you can guarantee me that shit I showed you and at least three big meals full of goddamned sticky sweet shit for our Saffron?"


    Her brow furrowed. "Four."


    "Four?" She held up one finger. "Breakfast?" She nodded. Second finger. "Lunch?" Another nod, another finger. "Okay, third is dinner, but what''s fourth?"


    She booped my fuckin'' nose as she said, "Vlickies."


    "Oh." I smiled up at her. "Have I told you today how much I love you, Murder Mittens?"


    As she made it abundantly clear that showing was better than telling, I Co-Located up to the Inter-City Council Chambers.


    Saffron spotted me immediately and said, "Champion Diaz? Is anything amiss?"


    "Uh, I need to talk to you, just a little privately?" I nodded to the door and held out a hand. She frowned, but took my hand and let me lead her out the doors of the Council building. Meanwhile, the moment her back was turned, I Co-Located to her spot and put one finger to my lips. The moment she was out of the radius, I popped up a Filtration Ward set to stop sound, then said, "Okay guys, Tomorrow''s the Imperator''s birthday. She''s taking the day off to celebrate with family and friends. If you guys want to do something public, you can have her for an hour after lunch."


    If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


    Lenny raised an eyebrow. "Don''t you think she ought put in an appearance with the Army? Or in the other Cities?"


    "Fine. Each of you can set up something for an hour after lunch in your City. You find a way to tell Marie," I nodded to where Murder Mittens stood just behind and to the left of where Saffron normally stood, "where you want her, and I''ll make sure she gets there. Otherwise, I guess all of you are invited to her party as ''friends of friends'' or ''family of friends'' and shit."


    Mrs. Driver immediately squeed a little and said, "I''d love to!"


    George smiled and said, "if you''re sure, I''d like to as well."


    Lenny just sighed and said, "I assume I am the reason for your ''family of friends'' comment?"


    "No, that was mostly the Drivers, but yeah, I guess you qualify too."


    "Then I shall attend. I suppose the same rules as my son''s wedding apply?"


    I nodded. "Yeah, that''d probably be for the best."


    "Anybody else?" Weyson and McCann both shook their heads, declining politely. Ophelia just snorted. At least she didn''t have the gall to say ''as if'' or some shit like that. "Cool. I''ll be by to pick you up before it really gets into full swing."


    Outside the building, the moment we cleared the doors I swept Saffron off her feet, pinned her against the wall, and kissed her. The kiss lingered maybe a minute after I''d finished and left the council chamber, but fuck it, wife kissing is important business, way too important to cut it short. When we finally pulled away from one another, she raised an eyebrow and asked, "so, what did you need to talk to me about?"


    I closed one eye and scanned the wall above her head with my other for a bit before saying, "that just about covered it."


    She laughed, wrapped her arms around my neck, and pulled me in for another kiss. When she let me up and wriggled to be put down she said, "well, let that be my considered reply to your very important communique, my Attack Dog."


    "Woof."


    I walked her back in and, as she started the meeting back up, stepped to Loki''s cave. "Hey, Dad."


    Loki flopped back onto his bed, wheezing a little, laughing a little too. "Good Morning, Tabitha. I take it you need something badly enough to interrupt?"


    At that point I glanced over to where Sigyn leaned against the wall. She looked over her shoulder and smiled. "Good Morning, Daughter."


    I have some class. I managed not to say, ''what are you doing, step-mommy'' in my best, ''holy shit dat ass'' voice. Instead I nodded politely, said, "Hi, Mom!" then looked back to Loki and said, "Hey Boss, can you contact whoever is looking out for Hilde? I need to get in contact with her. Kinda urgent. Like today."


    He frowned. "Is something wrong?"


    I shook my head. "Nah. I got an idea, and it''s time critical, but... nothing''s exactly wrong." As he tilted his head, I segued into my other convo topic of the day and said, "can you two come to Saffron''s birthday party tomorrow? I''m sure it''d mean a lot to her."


    The moment I mentioned birthday, the confusion evaporated from his face. "Of course, Daughter. Hilde is with High Priest Pesce at the moment, helping clean my Temple in Newark. Did you need a guide to her?"


    "Yeah, kinda." A hand grasped mine, and I stepped forward.


    Antony Pesce stood there in his copy of The Dress, arms akimbo, belligerent look on his face. "What you need wit Hilde?"


    I shook my head, hands down. "Oh, hey, nothing bad, just checking in to be sure everything''s okay." I saw a flash of white-blonde hair behind him, and Co-Located behind her with my Blend all the way up. "Hey, Hilde, everything okay?"


    Her eyes fixed on the me with Antony between us, she said, "yes, High Priestess! Did... did you come to collect me?" She looked really cute in the kid''s version of The Dress that I''d seen on Ophelia''s little sister Ora before.


    "Nah. Just making sure everything''s going well for the Imperator''s favorite cutie."


    She frowned. "I thought... thought I''d displeased her."


    I shook my head, and something about that softened Antony''s grimace. "Nah. If anything too much the opposite, but she''s too nice a person to let herself take advantage of you."


    "What if I wanted you... her to... take advantage of me?"


    I stepped forward, Antony getting out of my way as I reached out and lifted her chin with one finger until she looked me in the eyes. As I did, the Blended me stepped up behind her, lay a hand on her, Mimicked her, then collapsed back into me. "You''re healthy enough now that you wouldn''t be doing it for a good meal, but you''ve still got some growing to do before you know if you really want to, or if you''re just reflexively jumping at the most powerful people you can see to protect you." She opened her mouth, but before she could say anything I shook my head and said, "when you are absolutely certain that you could survive telling the Imperator herself to fuck off if she did something you didn''t like, you have my personal invitation to shoot your shot." I glanced at Antony as I said, "Fair?"


    She looked hella pouty, but groused out, "Fair." More importantly, Antony nodded. Then Hilde got a mulish look and glared at me as she said, "That shot might not be at her."


    I did the jazz hands thing and said, "oh, no! Not a cute chica trying to get into my nonexistent panties!" Then I hit her with my most intimidating leer and said, "Just know, I share everything with Saffron and Marie."


    I knew Antony was doing a good job when she straight up copied my jazz hands and said, "oh, no! A Maenad and the most powerful woman in the world as bonus prizes!"


    I bumped my fist into Antony''s shoulder, nodded to Hilde, and stepped to Lancaster House. Oscar stood in the middle of the second floor dining room, coordinating cleanup, or setup, or whatever. I''d kind of lost track of time. "Hey, is Larry around?"


    "Heir Lancaster is in class," after a barely perceptible hesitation, he continued with, "as is Heir-Consort Lancaster-Obol. It is not their habit to return home for lunch, but they normally do so for dinner. Would you like to leave a message, or return then?"


    I thought about it for a second. "They eat lunch in the Dining Hall at the Academy?"


    "So I''m given to understand."


    I shook my head. "I''ll catch them there then." Then I thought of something. "Oh, hey, we used the bath in the suite we''d been using the other day. I hope that''s okay?"


    He nodded. "I''ll have it seen to, if Marie has not done so already?"


    "Oh, no, I... I kinda wanted to make sure it''s okay we used it?"


    He didn''t roll his eyes, but I got the impression that he was very carefully not doing so. "I see no reason the Imperator, her Consort, her Heir, and their Maid shouldn''t make use of the bathroom in the Imperator''s Suite."


    "Oh... oh! Really? Cool then! Thanks!" I stopped. "Oh! The reason I stopped by was kinda to ask Larry if it was okay to use the dining room here for the Imperator''s birthday party. Do you think he''ll mind?"


    I finally got to see Oscar with something other than affected ennui on his face. "I''m sure he''ll be amenable. If you have no further need of me at this time?"


    "Nah. Thanks for your help, Oscar!" He didn''t reply; he''d already turned to stalk off, barking orders at the rest of the staff.


    I stepped to the Dining Hall just as the Maids opened it. Students streamed in, and I collapsed the Saffron and I who''d just left Advanced Healing Studies back to the Love Shack. She looked at me, glanced at the me on the bed with Marie, and said, "someone''s feeling particularly affectionate today."


    "Hey, I love my wives. Wife and Concubine. Wife and wife-to-be?"


    She smiled at me as we both enjoyed watching Marie blush. "Wouldn''t that just be ''fianc¨¦''?"


    I shook my head solemnly. "Not until we''ve asked her, and she''s said yes." The me on the bed grabbed Marie''s left hand and held it out, fingers splayed. "See? No rings. Not even one. So not fianc¨¦ yet."


    "So aren''t you being a little presumptuous with ''wife-to-be''?"


    Marie pulled her hand away, folded her arms across her chest, and said, "Yes?"


    Both of me grinned my most predatory grin at Marie and said, "I stole a Soul from Artemis, I stole a City from Sengann, I stole a fuckin'' Battleship from an entirely different world. I want one particular Maenad and no force in the world is gonna stop me from stealing that fuckin'' Maenad." Then while one of me went about the Serious Business of making sure that adjective was, in fact, correct in every sense of the word, the me down in the Dining Hall watched as the Cadets filed in.


    I got a little bit of a shock as, while the Barbie Brigade I''d never met wandered over to their old table with some other kids with tailored uniforms with odd colored nametags, Lancaster, Rider, Rosen, and Carruthers all settled in at the ROTC table like they belonged there. After a moment I realized they''d all taken the same spots they did when we''d been on the Expedition together. Lancaster spotted me first and waved to the end of the table opposite him. "Commander! Long time no see! Have a seat!"


    I kinda seized up inside. "Ah, shit. It has been a while, hasn''t it?" Then I remembered something. "FUCK! I specifically signed up for Intermediate Heroics to spend some time with you guys, and I don''t think I''ve been to class once this fuckin'' Season."


    Everybody started laughing, and Angel snorted out, "classic Tabitha."


    I shook my head. "Yeah, but I''ve missed you guys. I gotta have somebody remind me about important shit like this. Fuck! That reminds me. Important shit!"


    I paused until Bill said, "yes?"


    I looked at Larry. Mostly. Okay, I looked at Bonnie, who was glorying in her public role of arm candy, like she was wont to do. "Do you two mind if we use your Dining Room for Saffron''s birthday party tomorrow?"


    Like I knew she would, Bonnie whispered in Larry''s ear. He stifled his smile and, artificial pole look on his face, said, "only if absolutely everyone at the table is invited."


    "Duh. Kinda the other reason I''m here and she''s not at the moment."


    Fred looked around the table at that and asked, "huh. Where is she right now, anyway?" I just grinned like the cat who had stolen every ounce of cream in the Dairy farm. Then, just like everybody else at the table, broke down laughing when he blushed and said, "oh." He mock glared at all of us and growled out, "I''m not used to dealing with people who casually walk around in two places at once."


    I shook my head. "If she can walk, I''m not doing my job right." That got them all laughing again, even Raven, and I nodded and said, "okay, guys. I''ll try to make it down here for lunch starting Tuesday, and if I''m not in class on Thursday, I''d consider it a personal favor if one of you got one of the Maids to tell Marie to drag me over there. But right now I''ve got one more errand to run, and I''m not sure how long that one''s gonna take, so I''ll see you guys tomorrow!"


    I stepped into M-Space, because my comment about stealing Battleships had got me thinking. While most of me paid attention to paying attention to wifey and wifey-to-be, along with scanning the skyline of Calverton for red flags, the me in M-Space scanned the world of my birth, scrying for something. Not long before sunset I found it. So simple. Nothing at all compared to seventy thousand tons of metal. So I stole a roll of wrapping paper and another of cellophane tape too. Then my newfound maturity and wisdom kicked in and I stole a gift bag as well.


    Just before sunset I hopped over to the command center on the docks. All three of the commander types were in Swanson''s office when I swanned in. "Hey, guys, would it fuck up our operational pace if we took tomorrow off? Like, everybody?"


    Swanson looked at me. "What''s the occasion?"


    "The Imperator''s birthday."


    They all stared at me like I''d grown another head. Right before I gave it up as a bad deal, Hargreaves spluttered out, "why didn''t you tell us sooner? How are we to arrange a proper feast?"


    The me on the mast looked up at Murder Mittens. "Wifey-to-be, could you maybe Co-Locate a feast down here tomorrow for the troops to celebrate Saffron''s birthday?"


    She frowned down at me and, booping me on the nose, said, "Obey."


    As the sun touched the horizon, I looked at the command staff and said, "don''t worry about that, Marie will take care of it. You just have the troops ready. The Imperator will be here an hour after lunch, but give everybody the whole day off if you can?"


    I didn''t hear their answer, because Murder Mittens took hold of my hand and collapsed us both back to the basement of the Academy. I took the hint and collapsed the rest of me back there as well, which left me standing with a sheaf of paper stuffed in a gift bag, rolls of wrapping paper and cellophane tape clutched in my other hand. Marie took both away from me, toyed with each a second, and her eyes lit up. Then she pointed at me imperiously and said, "Change."


    I did. Then, one item at a time she dressed me up in the assorted accoutrements she and I assume Jon had put together. Before she made it impossible, I sorta whined, "you know if you wrap this in that paper, this is gonna look like it''s from you."


    She smiled at me. "Yes."


    I rolled my eyes. "Fine." I nodded to the bag. "That one''s from me, though. Like, write ''for Saffron, love Tabitha'' on it real fancy, please?"


    She nodded serenely, then made it a little bit impossible for me to speak coherently. She lifted me, and I tensed as I realized what she was about to do. What I''d planned for her to do. What I''d literally told her to do. "Sure?"


    I took a deep breath. Through my nose, what with my mouth being a little bit full of wood and fabric at the moment. Do it. I realized right there and then how much I loved Saffron, and in that realization the tension just flowed out of me like alcohol through a sieve. As Marie did what I''d let her, told her, commandmented her to do, I felt nothing but anticipation.


    As Marie put Saffron''s gift, secretly also known as your girl Tabitha, in a box.

 Day Three Hundred And Sixty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."


    - Lao Tzu


    Yeah. Yeah, I get that now. I think I get what courage is, too. Like, I''m not an uneducated idiot. Self-educated idiot, maybe, but not ignorant. The ROTC DIs said it, I read it in novels, I saw it in movies and anime both. ''Courage isn''t the absence of fear, courage is being afraid and acting anyway''. In retrospect, I''m not gonna try and act all big and bad and say that no part of me felt any fear about Marie putting me in a box and covering it in wrapping paper. Yeah, the elevated heart rate and perspiration mostly registered as anticipation at Saffron''s reaction, but even if I''d admitted to my fear, I still would have had her put me in the box. Not even because of some fucked up self-hatred or shit, either, but because doing something for my wife, my Kitten, the love of my life was more important than any amount of fear ever would be.


    My heart pounded in my ears just a little bit thunderously as Marie lay me on the padding in the box. I guess the rational parts of my brain realized that if I really didn''t want to be bound, I wouldn''t be, and if I wanted out of the box, I could just Translocate, but fear doesn''t come from a rational part of the brain, even when it''s a completely rational fear. I lay on my side, padding beneath me, listening to the sound of Marie moving around. Then every sound muffled and the tiny bits of light I could see past the blindfold went black. I heard a muffled metallic sound, like wires rasping against one another under padding, then silence. After a few moments, something jostled the box lightly, and I heard the ghost of paper rustling.


    Marie? Are you taking your time with that fucking wrapping paper?


    Murder Mittens'' voice reeked of smug satisfaction, even with the muffling of the box and padding. "Yes."


    Very carefully not gritting my teeth, because I was pretty sure I could bite through the silk holding the cloth covered ball in my mouth, I thought, are you enjoying tormenting me, or just making sure her gift is perfect?


    "Yes."


    I couldn''t help it, I chuckled even as my tension ratcheted up. That fucking wrapping paper better be absolutely perfect, you hear me? After a few moment''s silence, the entire box shifted as she lifted it, then moved it to the side before setting it down. The motion layered another flavor of tension atop the fear of being bound, the fear of being boxed, and I suddenly realized a subtlety of her answer I''d missed at first. Hilde would be scared out of her wits right now, wouldn''t she?


    "Perhaps." The box shifted again, and my tension ratcheted up another notch.


    I thought about it while faint rustling noises and jostling kept me pressed right up against the edge of busting out of the box. Hell, I realized just then that even without Translocation, even without Loki''s blessing, I could probably smash my way out and rip my way free. But like I said, fear isn''t rational, and Marie was as much a fuckin'' maestro of fear as she was of pain. I think she would be, so Saffron probably thinks she would be.


    She sounded so proud of me I almost couldn''t stand it, and somehow managed to make even that pride sound terrifying. "Yes." Like, seriously, I would not have been surprised if she popped the lid and stuck a gold star on my forehead. My mind dissociating for a moment, I realized that I really needed to bang a dude just to make my position on ''gold star'' shit clear, since I hadn''t, in fact, done so since I got my new bod. I wrenched my focus back to where I lay trussed up in a padded box while my favorite murderfuck cultist put brightly colored paper with the words ''Happy Birthday'' in half a dozen wacky fonts around it. So terrified me is perfect for this, then. Got it. No fighting, just freezing in fear.


    "Good Girl."


    Yeah, my reaction to that felt really fuckin'' weird what with something about her tone telling me that being the Goodest of Girls was absolutely wonderful, and would not save me from the slightest bit of every half-imagined terrifying thing my brain conjured up. If I piss myself, you''re cleaning it up.


    Marie doesn''t often laugh from pure joy, and it warmed something deep inside me when she did. Weird fuckin'' combination, warm fuzzies deep inside with surface terror so bad I had to focus on not wetting myself. No idea how my scary bitch of a Concubine pulled it off, but I adored her for it.


    As the sounds of paper and cellophane tape moved around the box, I thought of a dozen things to distract myself, and carefully set them each aside, focusing on the fact that I was blindfolded, gagged, tied up, and above all in a motherfucking box. Hysteria tugged at me when I thought that since I was, technically, a mother, and so was Saffron, and I couldn''t see her bothering to move the box out of the way, that adjective might in fact wind up being literal.


    I laughed. I cried. I very, very carefully did not wet myself. I sweat a bit, but it had that cold clamminess you get when you sweat in a place where it''s cool enough you shouldn''t be sweating.


    Then the box moved, rising into the air. My Murder Mittens might be strong enough to lift a box with me inside without jostling me, but I got the impression she wasn''t trying real hard, for reasons we''d discussed previously. Then she Translocated us, and enough raw screaming terror to melt the transatlantic cable shot into me, direct from Her Dark Fatassness. I''d say my stubborn and my horny ganged up on her and refused to move, but the truth was I wanted to see Saffron''s face the moment she opened the box. Marie, could you? Please?


    The box dropped, then settled into place as if it had been set on a soft, possibly unstable surface. I''m sure somewhere in M-Space fuckers were losing their hearing to the ongoing shriek of my dark side, but I just let it flow through me without letting it control me. I realized right then that the only reason I hadn''t fuckin'' pissed myself by this point was, in fact, my lack of ability to piss. Weird fuckin'' thing to think about just then, and I wrenched my attention back to my situation. Also weird for me to be embracing the terror. Never really had fun getting scared, and this time was no exception, but...


    The faintest sounds from outside the box; high heeled boots hitting the floor. Marie''s view floated before my mind''s eye, Saffron smiling as she looked at something. "This has to be from Tabitha, doesn''t it?"


    Marie''s view swayed from side to side. "Me."


    The view shut down as Saffron approached Marie, and Saffron''s muffled voice filtered into the box. "Well, thank you, beloved Concubine." Silence, then a cloth rustling thump jostled the box, followed by moist murmurs. You''re really gonna leave me in here while you two neck?


    Maybe. The dark hunger in her mental voice did not make me any less terrified.


    You''re gonna leave me in here while you two FUCK? That last word leaked through my mouth around the ball, and twitched involuntarily at the thought of just being left here, forgotten. Yeah, I get it, I told her terrifying me to complete the illusion was okay, but holy fuck I had not realized she would be so good at it, or that she would enjoy it so much.


    Aww...


    "Marie, what is in this box? Did you and Tabitha get me an actual puppy?"


    "Maybe."


    I might have been wrong, fooled by the padding muffling things, but Saffron sounded a little annoyed when she said, "Did you actually put my dog in a box? That would be horribly cruel."


    Holy shit I suddenly understood why my Murder Mittens terrified the other fucking Maenads. "Yes."


    "Well. Whatever it is, is it sunset yet?" I''m not sure what Marie replied, but the sounds of tearing paper couldn''t keep the jostling of the box from tightening every muscle on my body. I whimpered, trying not to break any of my bindings, right up until the tearing paper noises went silent. "How do I get the box open?"


    Marie''s viewpoint filled my brain again, Saffron looking at her, frustration and excitement warring for control of her face. "If you got me whatever this is, I''m terribly curious what Tabitha got me. Or where she is? Unless you told her you wanted this to be just between you and I?" She sighed and shook her head, chuckling. "Had I even the slightest bit less dedication to the ideals of my beloved Goddess, that poor thing would be stuck in that box until I was done thanking you." My Kitten took half a step forward, as if subconsciously intending to prolong my torture, but Marie nodded to the box.


    The moment Saffron''s gaze shifted, Marie lifted the lid and stepped backward. Light leaked in around my blindfold as the sides of the box fell away, but I barely noticed as Saffron froze in place, staring wild-eyed at the box''s contents. Not to put too fine a point on it, at me. "Marie? Is Tabitha aware of what you''ve gifted me?"


    "Yes."


    Tabitha?


    I didn''t have to fake the terrified excitement in my mental voice. Yes, Kitten?


    You approve of this?


    I''d given some thought to this for the past two days, and over that time I''d figured out what I would say if she asked me anything like this. Watching her self-control strain against something she''d told me would push it to its limits, I almost forgot my line. The faintest glistening where her tongue darted out of her mouth reminded me. Saffron Rae.


    If it took her a measurable amount of time to get it, I sure as fuck couldn''t tell. I''d been staring through Marie''s eyes, waiting to see her self-control break, to see it shatter like a glass Academy stein dropped off the roof, to see her overwhelmed by the fire I''d lit in her. Her self-control didn''t break. It didn''t shatter.


    It fucking exploded.


    I didn''t see her move, even through Marie''s eyes. One second she stood there, vibrating with need, the next she was gone. I didn''t need Marie''s vision to tell me where she''d gone, either, what with her manhandling me. Marie''s viewpoint swooped through the room, dimming as it did. I barely heard her weight hit the bed, but honestly I couldn''t give a fuck about anything but my beautiful terrible Kitten losing every blessed inhibition she might ever have had.


    I lost track of time. Fuck, I think I lost track of my own goddamned name. No idea how long later, but I lay there under her arm, nuzzling into her, completely unable to stop purring. No fucking clue how I did it in the first place. She glanced down at me and giggled. "I''m fairly certain she''s not Bag, and that spoils the illusion a bit, but I cannot bring myself to care."


    I looked up at her. "Fuck, I''m sorry, Kitten. I... uh... don''t know how to stop."


    She bonked me on top of my head with the side of her fist. "Goof. I just said I don''t care."


    "But I... oh! Wait! I forgot!" I wrenched myself up onto my knees, no small feat what with my arms still trussed up behind me and tied to my ankles. "You ready?"


    "There''s more?"


    I nodded. "And then you get my gift to you!" She blinked, and before she could do anything I sang, my voice Hilde''s, but low, slow, and breathy.


    "Happy birthday to you,


    Happy Birthday to you,


    Happy Birthday, My Imperator,


    Happy Birthday to you."


    We lost a bit more sleep after that. Eventually we lay there once more, with her using me as a living body pillow. She held one frayed end of the deep red rope I''d been tied up with, brushing it along my skin and smiling as I twitched. Thought eluded me, but I said, "Y''know, I don''t think Hilde would have survived that."


    "Should I have held back?"


    "Oh, fuck no. Fuck no to the fuckiest power of fuck no. Like your present?"


    She grinned and kissed me. "Very much. So, are there plans for tomorrow?"


    I grinned back, still trying to work some feeling back into my arms. "Yep."


    One eyebrow arched, she said, "and will I be informed of them?"


    "Nope."


    "Need I prepare for anything?"


    I shrugged. "Nah. If they want you to give some kind of speech and you''re not feeling it, just smile and wave."


    "As My Goddess wishes."


    I shook my head, using the motion to run the ends of my fine platinum hair over her. I''d discovered she really liked that right around when the ropes snapped. "No. Tomorrow''s all about people who love you showing that. Well, love you, like you, admire you, everybody''s all gonna be Worshipping you for once. Like you fuckin'' deserve."


    Her mouth dropped open for a moment. "Are you reconsidering your stance on Divine rulers?"


    "Nope."


    "If you''re serious, all that Worship... wasted. Why?"


    I rolled my eyes. "Just told you. You deserve it."


    She just goggled at me for a little bit. "That''s like watering a rock. Like letting your jewelry take in the sun. Like..." she waved her hands around a little bit, at a loss.


    "Like something you deserve, Kitten."


    Before she could say anything else, Marie ended the argument with a simple, "True."


    Waving Marie over into our embrace, Saffron said, "well then. I would never think to argue with both of you. Especially since I can''t seem to find the gag to shut the mouthy one up long enough to get to sleep."


    "Hey!"


    She giggled at me and kissed me again. "Oh, you know I''d never silence you. Not like I could." She sighed. "At least you weren''t actually locked alone in that box."


    "Eh."


    Her brow furrowed. "You... weren''t Co-Located?"


    Marie filled in for me as I shuddered. "No."


    "That must have been terrifying!" I nodded. "But... why?"


    I nuzzled at her, my words lost against her skin. "For you. Better."


    She grabbed me by my hair and pulled me back until she glared into my eyes. "You put your one and only self in a box just to... what?"


    I smiled up at her dreamily, because I figured my act was done and dissociating a little bit was fine and fun. "Thought I was her, didn''t you?" Her mouth dropped open, and I followed that up with, "forgot a couple times during, didn''t you?"


    "I... I... Maybe." she squeaked.


    "Kinda figured, you screaming her name like that."


    "You... WHY?"


    "For. You."


    Something in her clicked, and she pulled me to her, rolling to tuck me between her and Marie. "You did that. Went through that terror, just for me? For my present? For a bit of fun?"


    "More than a bit?"


    Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.


    "Okay, fine, a lot of fun. Really?"


    "Yeah." I sighed.


    She chuckled. "I suppose you didn''t think I''d be quite so, ah, enthusiastic?"


    "Hoped so."


    She choked again. "I..." Tears dripped onto my face.


    "Why cry?"


    She smiled down at me through her tears. "Tears of joy, I assure you, my blessed Goof. I''ve told you time and again that I accept every part of you, no matter how dark or dangerous. I told you long ago, when we first sat down to discuss how we would move forward, that I would risk myself for you."


    "Yeah," I sighed.


    "Every time I think I might have, for a moment, forgotten that you feel the same, you do something... something that shows me how you feel. You destroy a Soul to save our daughter. You destroy a City to avenge me. You destroy a Primordial Deity to protect me. You face down the world to protect me, and I am humbled by your care. But... this. You... accept me. You give yourself over to my darkest parts. I... Thank you, love."


    I shrugged. "S''fair."


    "Is that why you did it?"


    "Nope."


    "Then why?"


    I glanced up at her just long enough to say, "Love you, silly Kitten."


    "You''re tired, aren''t you?"


    "Yep."


    She laughed, then looked up at Marie. "Dear Maenad, could you watch Isnomi for the night, to let us sleep here?"


    Marie shook her head. "No."


    "Whyever not?"


    Marie smiled. "Grandma."


    Saffron''s smile returned broader, softer, and she wrapped herself around me. "Well then, dear Marie. I''ve got myself a pillow. Shall I have a blanket?"


    An incredibly smothery layer of muscle and fur rolled over us, and I felt more than heard Marie say, "Yes."


    Mimic didn''t dance. She didn''t eat. She kinda huddled there, staring at one particular tentacle like it had sharted in her mouth or something. Weird fuckin'' dream. Like all dreams are.


    We woke up a little late, to Grandma tossing Isnomi on the bed with us. Fortunately, on our bed in our bedroom, because the Love Shack kinda desperately needed some air freshener. Not to mention there being shattered box and frayed bits of snapped rope everywhere, a direct result of Saffron''s self control fraying and snapping and shattering my box. I think she liked her present. Well, that present. Also, at some point in the night I vaguely remembered Saffron jostling me just awake enough to poke at my chest muttering, "tits!" until I took the hint and shifted back to being myself. Apparently size does matter, because what are big tits on somebody smaller than Saffron aren''t really big enough to make nice pillows.


    Saffron likes my pillows more than she likes snuggling catnip. That alone was enough to sear a goofy grin on my face for the rest of the day.


    After the three of us finished applauding Isnomi''s absolutely awful rendition of ''Happy Birthday'', we all got dressed in our casual clothes. Saffron tried for Glowing Midnight, citing her need to show up for the troops, but I put my foot down and plonked her ass into a loose skirt and blouse. Then we all trooped down to the Dining Hall, which was empty save for a single cart, which proved to be chock full of corncakes, whipped cream, syrup, honey, and raw sugar. Isnomi and I made a game out of it; Menace held her mom''s hands behind her back, and I stuffed the biggest spoonful of sugar soaked corncake I could into her mouth. After a few bites we swapped spots, and after the second time Isnomi radically overestimated her mom''s jaw distension skills, after swallowing Saffron blew whipped cream out of her nose and wheezed out, "I suppose I deserve that after the shenanigans with the gag."


    "Gag?" asked the Menace, loading up another monster spoonful of sugary bliss.


    Saffron chuckled. "Just something Mama and I played with last night."


    "Toy?"


    I snorted, but Saffron is Mom Extraordinaire. "Yes. I''d say it''s dangerous for girls your age, but I''ve seen your teeth. Still, it''s not really an appropriate toy for someone your age."


    "Aww."


    "Also, I think we lost it." She half turned to me. "Where did it go, anyway?" I nodded to Isnomi, who ended the conversation by sugared whipped cream overload.


    An hour or so of kid appropriate Saffron stuffing later, she groaned out, "enough, enough! Too much, really. I swear, Tabitha, you will wind up turning me into a platonic sphere. Possibly without recognizable limbs. Whatever will you do then?"


    I paused, then clamped my hands over Isnomi''s ears. "Roll you in flour and lick the wet spots?"


    "TABITHA!" she managed to blurt out before breaking down laughing. Then she looked down at the sticky mess her blouse had become. "I suppose we''ll need a bath now?"


    I shrugged, then fired off a very careful insta-clean. She looked at me, then ran a finger across her face. "I don''t know how you managed to clean my clothes and leave me coated in sticky."


    "Talent!" I crowed.


    "Dawend!" Isnomi parroted a second later. "Mama dawended!"


    I motioned to the Maids, then stepped the three of us to the mast of the Black Dragon. Marie stood there, binoculars in hand. "Anything going on over on the docks, Mittens?"


    "Party."


    Saffron sighed. "I suppose I''ll have to head over then."


    I shook my head and snugged her to me, Isnomi sitting across our laps. "No." I sighed. "Just so you''ll stop harshing your own joy, you are scheduled to show up an hour after lunch in every City in the Alliance. You will smile and wave and, if you really feel moved to speak, you may, but you will not do it for stupid fuckin'' reasons like ''you should'' or ''it''s important'' or anything other than maybe, ''I want them to cheer so loud I can''t hear myself think''. Got it?"


    "Who''s the dictator here again?"


    "You are. Duh. That shit''s way too much like work for me."


    She laughed. "So, since I know my place, what are your wishes for me today, My Goddess?"


    I snuggled her to me. "Enjoy yourself. Consider yourself commandmented."


    "Oh, no, My Goddess'' demands are more than I can bear!"


    "You''ll bear it, and you''ll enjoy it, High Priestess Imperator Kitten Sexypaws."


    "Mama siwwy."


    "You think she should disobey me?"


    Menace giggled, then turned and very seriously said. "Ma obey Mama today."


    "Well. The greatest authority in our lives has spoken, so I''ll do as you say, just for today then."


    We sat there taking in the sun until Marie nudged me with her foot. "Time for lunch?" At her nod, I dropped the three of us to Lancaster House. Gotta hand it to Oscar, the place had been decked out. Streamers, banners with ''Happy Birthday'' and ''Hail Imperator Aetos-Diaz'' and even one that said, ''Health and Long Life''. Weird selection, but since I hadn''t really seen banners as a thing before or since my birthday party last year, the fact that I couldn''t look in any direction without seeing at least one spoke volumes. Isnomi leapt off our laps and charged off as the expanded ROTCs and all the other guests screamed out, "Happy Birthday!"


    Oscar nodded, and one of the Lancaster House Maids came over with a petite slice of angel food cake with shiny black frosting. It even had little rainbow sprinkles over it. I craned my neck around and spotted a cake clearly inspired by Glowing midnight; cake as creamy white as Saffron''s skin, frosting as dark and scintillating as Glowing Midnight''s panels. If it maybe had posts holding the higher layers up, I wasn''t saying nothing.


    From the other side, Mrs. Driver stepped up and placed another plate with another kinda anemic slice of Driver''s chocolate cake on the table in front of Saffron. At that point she looked up and around, then asked, "I''m not terribly upset, since my wife and daughter stuffed me to bursting with sweets this morning, but is there a reason for these tiny portions?"


    Everyone hid their smiles, even outright laughter, except Mrs. Driver, who said, "Marie told us you could have all you wanted after your cake was gone. But only tastes before then."


    "My... cake? Um..." She gestured first at the big Glowing Midnight cake, then at the row of Drivers'' chocolate cakes along the center of the table. Nobody said anything, but everybody turned to look behind us as someone strode up, heels clicking on the floor.


    "Still." Marie said, and the two of us froze. As Isnomi''s posse and the horde hoard all charged back into the room singing an even worse chorus of ''Happy Birthday'', Saffron''s eyes kept getting wider as Marie leaned over the two of us and set what had to be a heavy tray even for her directly in front of Saffron. My brain kind of shut down at the smell, with all available resources set to salivation. The ''cake'' she''d set in front of Saffron had to be twice as big as Saffron. Maybe three times. Maybe more. I couldn''t see over the top of it. Or around the sides. Clearly enough to feed most of the table to bursting, even with the entire thing being made up of little one inch cubes all stuck together.


    I''d seen wedding cakes this size before. Barely.


    But never one made up entirely of baklava.


    Marie leaned over and whispered, "Yunya." Without hesitation, Saffron shocked me by turning away from the honey dripping monstrosity in front of her and yanking Marie down for a long, drawn out kiss that lasted well past the second chorus of ''Happy Birthday''. About then Menace got impatient, walked over, and poked Saffron in the thigh.


    "Ma! Bakwava!"


    Saffron pulled away just far enough to mutter, "I am well aware. If you interrupt me again, you get yours last, my girl."


    I do not think I''ve ever seen Menace shut the fuck up and get politely patient that fast in her life.


    When Saffron finally came up for air, she had tears in her eyes, and they flowed freely when everybody cheered. Of course, Marie adopted a draconian policy of one piece for each guest, and one piece for Saffron... for each guest who got a piece. When the last piece of baklava had gone the way of all food, slipping down Saffron''s gullet never to be seen again, she flopped back into her chair, her arms hanging loose beside her, her head tipped back until she stared directly up at a smug Marie. "I don''t think I can move."


    I stood up and leaned over her. "That''s okay, sweetie. You don''t have to. Marie? Can you make sure her head doesn''t fall off or some shit like that?"


    Marie grinned and slid one set of claws under the back of Saffron''s head, incidentally bracing her there. Then I plonked a bite of chocolate cake into her mouth. "Ormgdss." She managed to swallow, and when she opened her mouth to say something, I plonked another bite in. Her eyes rolled back in her head, but she kept chewing and swallowing. More importantly, she kept opening her mouth.


    "Just, y''know, keep your mouth closed if you''re too full for me to feed you more of this."


    "Aaahhhhmmphgghgg."


    I think I managed to stuff a whole cake and a half into her before Marie tapped me on the shoulder. I turned to face the crowd. "Okay, everybody, we''ve got to get to the big official celebrations."


    "But..." Larry said, "what about her presents?"


    I looked around and saw a whole table full of boxes and bags. Some of them looked neatly wrapped, others were basically repurposed Drivers'' food bags, but there had to be like twenty packages at least. "Uh... Oh, shit. Um, guys, you didn''t have to."


    Angel shouted, "No shit! We wanted to, dumbass!"


    I laughed at that. "Okay, then. How about we come straight back here as soon as we''re done with a whirlwind tour of the Alliance?"


    "How long?" Somebody shouted.


    "Fifteen minutes? No more than an hour?"


    Larry nodded. "We''ll await your return then."


    I nodded, then carefully pulled Saffron to a standing position. With a thought, I wore The Dress, and Marie and Saffron both wore Glowing Midnight. Saffron''s eyes bulged out as her corset did its thing, and I leapt forward, my arms going around her, my mouth clamping over hers.


    Goof! I might barf!


    Eh, not the worst thing you''ve shoved down my throat today, I thought as I very carefully did not stick my tongue down her throat, instead just distracting the living fuck out of her by teasing her tongue with mine.


    Marie Co-Located us to half a dozen spots plus one. The top of the Academy Steps. The roof of Drivers'', just above the entrance. The landing in front of a half-finished Temple, with Antony Pesce standing there in a Dress twin to my own. Another landing, this one in front of a completed temple, with Ora Orange standing there in her Dress, flanked by two thirty-something women in Glowing Midnight dresses. The restored floating stages in front of Johnson''s Green. A knocked together reviewing stand on the docks. The top of the mast of the Black Dragon.


    Cheers washed over us as we kissed, her arms moving in slow motion as they slipped around my neck, leaving her dangling there, one foot in vague contact with the ground I stood on, but otherwise fully supported by my arms and hers.


    "Happy Birthday!" in Newark.


    "Long Live the Imperator!" in New Amsterdam.


    "Triumphant Hero Imperator!" in front of the Academy.


    I saw her eyes water at "Imperator Invencible!" in Camden Yards.


    Of course Johnson had to get wacky, and his people did a fuckin'' crowd wave as they screamed out, "THUNDER DRUMS!" That made her giggle through our kiss.


    Down in Calverton I didn''t get it at first; it reminded me of something, but I couldn''t tell what, as thousands of soldiers and sailors chanted, "AETOS! AETOS AETOS! AETOS! AETOS AETOS!" over and over again, until the fuckin'' water of the Bay vibrated with it. I finally got it, remembering where I''d heard that rhythmic chant when the fuckin'' Black Dragon herself vibrated with it. Never thought I''d hear that blue-skinned, blond-haired bastard''s chant in the here and now, but fuck it, they were cheering for my love, and that made every fuckin'' thing absolutely okay with me. Then, I shit you not, like they''d planned it or something, every fuckin'' one of those beautiful bastards showed they knew what they''d been hollering when each and every one of them did their dead level best impression of an eagle''s scream.


    In every spot we stood, I lifted her to her feet, and she raised a hand. The cheering cut off like she''d flipped a switch. Her amplified voice, quiet after the screaming, sounded across the Cities, across the Bay. "Thank you. I..." she bowed her head, and if I was the only one who realized she was trying really hard not to puke up chocolate cake, nobody else needed to know that. "Thank you. To..." she paused again, and I rubbed a hand between her shoulder blades. She stood up, that self-control I''d shattered so thoroughly slipping back in place long enough for her to say, "I will try, this year and every year thereafter, to live up to your faith in me."


    I felt it too. If she had been a Deity, she would be more stuffed than she had been by breakfast and lunch combined. She stood there, soaking it in, as some of the crowds just screamed out praises, while others, including both temples and the Army, all sang even worse versions of ''Happy Birthday''. Eventually she kind of crumpled into my chest, whispering, "I liked yours best."


    I waved to the crowds. "Thanks everybody, but I think I need to get her home!"


    The three of us collapsed back to Lancaster House, and I banished Glowing Midnight in favor of her loosest skirt and blouse, one I''d seen her wear when she complained of feeling bloated. She looked down at it, then up at me. "Tell me you''re not planning on stuffing more into me."


    I rolled my eyes. "You know I try not to lie to you. But not until dinner." I leered at her as everybody laughed, "maybe a little more after, because we all know you can''t resist dessert!"


    I gotta say, I have no idea what the others got her. I mean, I kinda noticed some of it. A really nice Mana Pen from the Lancasters, along with, I think, a farmstead maybe? I know Rider and Rosen each gave her some cattle. Like, a whole fuckin'' herd between the two of them. Then the real gifts came in. Handmade stuff from everybody from the Yards. I think everybody kinda stopped and broke a little bit at the last gift. Raven had Lachlan bring it down from her rooms, which she''d apparently kept using even after the Expedition returned. No idea if that was, like, because her cousin was the Heir-Consort, or because Lachlan liked being her favorite chew toy, or because Lancaster had decided to support the arts, or because Raven just fuckin'' decided to Raven that shit up.


    But the picture she brought down...


    The center of it was a life-sized portrait of Saffron in Glowing Midnight, squarely facing the viewer. Her feet planted, her hands clasped in front of her, her shoulders unbowed, but looking like they held up the weight of the fuckin'' world nonetheless. Her head bowed, looking down at her feet, at her foreshortened shadow. Around that pale gray shadow, a larger red tinged one, one that flowed up to stand behind her, that hinted at arms ready to wrap around her. Behind and beneath that another shadow, this one almost white, with claws stretching to the sides of the painting. Behind, below, and around everything, an inky blackness with the barest hints of thick, writhing tentacles.


    Saffron stared, speechless, until Raven said, "I hope you like it."


    Saffron stood, walked over to Raven, pulled her down and kissed her. First on one cheek, then on the other, then straight up on the lips. "It''s beautiful. Thank you."


    Raven danced backward, spluttering. "Gah! Sticky! You''re sticky! Like a toddler!"


    "I nad stiggy!" shouted Isnomi from where she and her posse were demolishing the remains of the cakes from earlier.


    After that the staff brought out tea, and Saffron insisted all of them stay to share it. Oscar seemed kind of scandalized, but Bonnie went along with it, which meant Larry did too, and that meant Oscar went along with it, scandalized or not.


    As the evening wore on, I noticed Marie disappearing with folks after they made their farewells. I pulled her aside while Saffron accosted Raven again, grinning at her cursing about Saffron''s stickiness. "Thanks, Murder Mittens."


    "Welcome." she said. "Both."


    I threw my arms around her and crushed her to me. "Still. Couldn''t have done this without you. Any of it. Especially last night." I might have shuddered a little bit, and she might have left that Marie stroking my hair until Saffron returned.


    I looked around and realized the only people left were Lancasters and Raven, who''d already headed off with a bemused Lachlan in tow. I nodded to everybody, then stepped us up to the bathroom.


    Marie had another cart there. She pulled a tray out, and I couldn''t help but laugh. "Uh, Marie?"


    "Yes?"


    "You know we''re not really in a position to get her pregnant right at the moment, right?" The two of them looked at me like I''d gone insane. I think by now they''ve both probably got a Skill for that. "I mean, you do expect me to shove that cream pie inside her, right?"


    Okay, I got the joke, and despite her protests, a very stickily naked Saffron wound up getting the cream pie. I think Marie might have wound up eating some of it. I know I did. Some of it may have gotten used for the other use, despite what the warning labels say. Eventually she lay there kinda groaning, legs dangling into the tub. "Good call. Bath room. Easy clean up."


    "Later." Both of us looked at Marie, me in confusion, Saffron just kind of with bemused, benignly bloated amusement. Marie grinned at me, held up four fingers. I got her meaning a moment too late, as two Maries behind me upended what had to be a whole fuckin fifty five gallon drum of honey over my head. Then she looked at a snorting Saffron, pointed at me, and snickered, "Dessert." before heading through the door into a bedroom full of assorted kids, firmly shutting the door behind her.


    I shook my head. "Welp. At least we''ve got hot water to wash all this shit off." I turned to a suddenly quiet Saffron only to see her tongue dart across her lips.


    "Tabitha?"


    "Yes, Saffron?"


    "Every bit of that honey is going down a throat before you even think of adding water to this tub."


    What the fuck else was I gonna say except, "yes, love. Happy Birthday."


    "Yeah. Yeah, it was. Even if I can''t carry your present around with me in a locket."


    "OH SHIT!" I Translocated to the Love Shack, grabbed the gift bag, then Translocated back to the bath, holding it out in front of me to avoid the worst of the sticky. "Sorry, I kinda forgot this." Laughing as she shook her head, she took the bag and set it behind her. "You''re not even gonna look? I stole that special for you!" She drew in a deep breath through her nose, leaning towards me as the smell of honey overcame her. "Please?"


    She rolled her eyes, huffed out a sigh, and picked up the bag. Carefully licking her fingers off to make sure they weren''t any stickier than her mouth, she pulled the stack of paper out, then scanned the first page. "Oh. Oh, you incredible bitch."


    "You don''t like it?"


    She shook her head, smiling, "I love it. But..." She nodded to me, running a tongue across her lips, then hefted the big packet of paper. "You are making me choose between you literally dripping with honey or reading the ''Booklet of General Plans for the USS New Jersey''. How am I to choose?"


    "Oh, shit. I thought I''d put that stack in back."


    "What?"


    "There''s two docs there: the booklet and a set of reactivation plans from her last engineering officer."


    Her jaw dropped open. "That... that''s worse. Don''t you see how that''s worse?"


    I shrugged and smiled at her. If her only complaint was that she couldn''t decide between consuming me or my gift to her? I could roll with that until the end of fuckin'' time. "Kitten?"


    "Yes, Goof?"


    "I didn''t say you weren''t allowed to Co-Locate or anything."


    She blinked at me once, a long, slow thing that spoke of her utter flabbergastedness. Of course, me being a dumbass I totally missed the fuckin'' tidal bore of hunger rushing up behind her eyes until she belched, flipped over the first sheet to start reading, and four Saffrons tackled me into the tub.


    A while later, all honey successfully consumed, one of them looked at me quizzically, her fingers tracing across my lips. "I wonder what it would take to gag you like this."


    I shrugged. "Sorry. No gag reflex. Handy new body thing."


    She rolled her eyes. "Not what I meant, Goof. What happened to the gag I found you with last night."


    I chuckled and pulled her in for a kiss. Then did it again, and again, and again, and again, enjoying treating my Co-Located Kitten like an entire clutter almost as much as she did. Then I licked my own lips.


    "Oh, that? Yeah. No gag reflex at all."


    All five of her head tilted. "Huh?"


    "I swallowed it."

 Day Three Hundred And Sixty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    "Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."


    - Aristotle


    I''ve gotta show this one to Saffron. Somehow I think she''d have some kinda thing to say about it. If you can''t tell, there''s a whole section in this one self-help book on relationships. Almost all of it is either bland shit that anybody with a brain knows, like ''relationships take work and communication'' or useless mushy crap, like ''listen to your heart'' or ''when you find the right one, you''ll just know''. Seriously, if you''re reading a book to get better at loving somebody, you are probably not the bitch whose feelings guide her to anything but sweat and messy sheets. Unless you''re talking about reading a book to get better at fucking, in which case you probably need diagrams and shit, not mushy talk.


    The quotes are nice, though.


    So after all five of Saffron playfully roughed me up over eating ''her favorite part of her present'', the two of us used the water Marie''d left heating to wash ourselves clean of the remaining vague stickiness. Like, there wasn''t much, and none of it tasted like anything, which is probably the only reason Saffron okayed the washing up. Okay, that and both of us enjoying washing the other one. I think I got the best of that, since she stayed quintuplet until she''d finished washing me. Then again, her bath was a lot less energetic, what with her very carefully reading her birthday present while I kept her afloat and gently washed her clean.


    So cool that the Lancaster House baths are big enough to actually keep her afloat. Also kinda fun teasing her by washing her as Hilde, ''because that way we both fit in the tub''. Utter bullshit, the tub was totally big enough for both of us with me as me, but if I choose to extend my Kitten''s birthday to the following night, anybody who wants to complain about it can suck my Mana Blade until they change their mind.


    Snuck into bed only to have the kids all sort of gravitate over to the bed and form a pile on top of us. I''m not sure why any of them would find my hard ass comfy to snuggle up to, but at the same time they weren''t going to suffocate me or anything like that. After spending so much time alone in my old house, I think the kid pile pressed a button I didn''t know I wanted, even needed to be pressed.


    Mimic still wasn''t up for dancing, and she seemed almost hesitant when chibi Chefs Marie and Saffron led the super chibi sous chefs into her maw and lay down in a cuddle pile in the middle. Just waiting there patiently until the maw closed gently, tentatively, and waited for her only mouthful of the night to melt rather than her normal madcap maceration. Stupid weird, like dreams are, but she just sat on the Docks and salivated until everything melted enough for her to swallow.


    Woke up to the sounds of Marie playing traffic controller in the bath room. When we went in expecting to get willingly drafted into kid washing duty, we were met with a sight that would have brought tears of joy to my eyes had I retained the need for basic waste elimination. I''d totally missed the new little curtained alcove last night, but with the curtain pulled back and Marie lifting a kid onto it, the fancy old fashioned toilet became impossible to overlook. By ''old fashioned'', I mean the kind where the tank was hooked to the wall kinda above anybody except maybe Marie''s head, and the ''flush'' control was a chain with a wooden grip on the end rather than a lever.


    "When did that get there?"


    Saffron chuckled a bit. "It was there when we visited to get the Hole Spawn stench off you, love. I understand why you might not have noticed it then, though."


    "It was there last night?"


    She stepped around in front of me, pulled me down into a kiss, which got the now typical chorus of ''silly'' from the posse and the hoard horde, then pulled away and smiled up at me. "So good at subtle compliments."


    "Huh?"


    She laughed, tugging me toward the tub. "Come on, let''s get to work."


    I realized right around when Menace''s turn under the towel came up that at some point, if we ever got the world straightened out to the point where I wasn''t constantly fighting for everybody''s fuckin'' life, I''d really like to do the full time mom thing. For a bit, at least. I don''t think I''ll ever be as good at the whole ''cooking, cleaning, sewing, housewife'' thing as Marie. Hell, I think I''d fail hard at all that shit except maybe cooking, and then only if, like, slow cookers and grilling is allowed. But the ''wash the kid, put food in the kid, play with the kid'' part was like my favorite part of living with Saffron and Isnomi.


    Fuck. Was. Not because I don''t love it still, but because of the fuckin'' Undead and Norfolk and Sengann and Garland and Oliver and Artemis and if I keep thinking about this I''m gonna hop over to M-Space and start killing fuckers and cutting their ankles and wrists off and throwing them into the fuckin'' Maw to let Mimic suck their insides out through their eye sockets.


    "Mama!" Menace''s whiny bark snapped me back to the present moment. "Na sa ruff."


    "Oh, shit. Oh, shit oh shit oh shit, did I hurt you baby?" I pulled the towel away and turned her around looking for any kind of bruising or rugburn or whatever the fuck I''d screwed up with my fucking angry lack of attention.


    Then Isnomi giggled at me, and everything bad just washed away. "Mama siwwy. Nodda baby. Towuh messed up tho."


    This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    I looked down at the towel I''d dropped when she shouted. It smoked a little, and the smoking spots were more than a little threadbare. I pulled her to me and snuggled her for a moment, and counted it as a huge win when she snuggled me right back even as the older members of her posse looked at me like maybe I wasn''t the Cool Mom after all, what with being openly physically affectionate with my kid. "Sorry about the towel, kiddo. Go let Marie dress you up."


    "Ah tay!"


    As she scampered off, I reminded myself that my precious Menace was, in fact, a Goddess. Just like Loki, and Sigyn, and even fuckin'' Canta and Dionysus. I mean, shit, Dionysus may have been in full on edgy asshole teen mode when he created the Maenads, but if they''re okay with him now, he doesn''t exactly deserve the death penalty.


    I still wanted my family time back, though.


    For the moment, bath time with Isnomi''s posse and Marie''s horde hoard would tide me over. Might need to schedule it as a regular thing, along with Monday family visits and shit.


    Once we had all the kids trooping down to breakfast, Menace leading the parade, I pulled Marie over. "How many of those are yours now?" She looked a weird kind of guilty until I hugged her and said, "not mad, woman, I just wanna know how many beds we''re gonna need when I finally get around to cuffing you."


    "One."


    "Just one of that whole horde?"


    "Bed."


    I laughed. "Okay, okay, I love the pile of bodies just as much as you do, you big wifey nerd. How many kids are gonna wind up adding Aetos-Diaz to their name tags?" Her eyes got big when I said that, and I pulled her down for a kiss. When I let her go, I said, "wife. Eventually. Not side-chick. All we have is yours and all your burdens are ours. And every kid you''ve hoarded is gonna get as loved as we can love them. Got it?"


    Her eyes glistened as she whispered, "five"


    "Wow!" She looked up at my exclamation, and when I followed it with, "six kids? Cool!" some tears might have dropped, but her broad smile made it clear she wasn''t upset any more. Then, since the last kid had trooped out of the room, I pulled her down, got really pointedly handsy while kissing her again, and when I let her up for air I put my mouth next to her ear and whispered, "it''s a start, anyhow. Wonder how fast we can double that?"


    So fun walking around hand in hand with pink Marie. Even more fun when Saffron grabbed my other hand and hissed out, "she''s got an unfair advantage!"


    "Huh?"


    "She can pop out a whole litter at a time, where I''ll be hard pressed to have two."


    I might have blushed a little at that my own self, but I leapt to Marie''s defense. "Hey! That''s... wait, I can''t tell if that''s kinda racist or not."


    Marie, still pink and looking to stay that way for a bit, muttered, "Not."


    "Uh. Holy shit. Really. Wow. Um..."


    Saffron giggled. "I''ve no issues with assisting our lovely wife-to-be with nursing, but it''s hilarious."


    "What is?"


    "You. So... driven. You''ve never really taken the time to explore Marie''s finer details, have you?"


    As we headed down the steps my considered reply was, "Uh..."


    "Six."


    I blinked. "Dafuq?" I nodded at Marie''s chest. "Two. I can count to two. Most days."


    Saffron giggled again, "I guess we''re not depriving your brain of air enough then. Next time she''s less than dressed, perhaps take a closer look?"


    "Nipples?"


    "That is the business end of a teat, yes."


    I shook my head. "But... boobs."


    "Are lovely, but adults interacting with Maenads tend to have two hands, not six. Dionysus, for example. Two hands."


    I was gonna banter some more until Marie shut me up with a simple, "Yes."


    I looked up at her, smiled, and said, "we''re gonna need a lot of diapers then."


    So fun when she''s bright pink.


    We enjoyed a leisurely breakfast where I fed my Kitten Lancaster House Waffles much more carefully than my cramming and ramming of the day previous, because she did, in fact, have to go to work today, as did I. When we finished, we gave out hugs and kisses for not only Menace, but any members of her posse and the horde hoard who wanted them. I watched Marie as we did, and she nodded at five of the little ruggers. Okay, three of the five looked almost Liam''s age, but they were littler than him. Pretty obviously not Lancaster genes, what with the dark hair on all but the littlest. Goodbyes said, Marie took our hands and we stepped to work. Marie and I landed on the Mast, while I assumed Saffron and Marie landed in the Council Chambers.


    "Hey Marie?"


    "Vlickies?"


    I got warm all over at her reply, and it took me a second to remember what I wanted to say. "I think I want to get a workout in today. Like, actual exercise in the Practice Yard. You wanna join me?" She shook her head, and I Co-Located up to the Practice Yard, where I had one of me lifting and another running laps through the day.


    The day was pretty chill, in a creepy terrifying kind of way. The Killer Squads found empty streets. Like, they could see Undead in the distance, but we''d been maintaining an absolute machine-like search and destroy pattern, and today''s areas were just... empty except for a few buildings with piles of dust in them. So, y''know, chill, but terrifying.


    At lunch I even had one of me hop back up to read a bit next to Saffron. I spotted that quote about love and souls. "Hey, Kitten, read this."


    She paused what she was doing, read through the page, then nodded. "Wise. Who is this ''Aristotle''?"


    "Like, father of science philosopher Aristotle? Taught Alexander the Great?"


    "Who?"


    I shook my head. "Fuck. That would explain a lot, too." She shrugged, sighed, and shook her head. "What, you''re not pissed?"


    She blinked as she looked back up at me. "Oh, no, I''m furious, but I''ve hit a point where throwing some new bit of fuel onto that fire simply cannot make it hotter, and it''s not like me running around killing everything Deific I see will do any good at this point." She shrugged. "I''ve got you for that."


    I pulled her to me and quietly said, "some of them aren''t so bad." When she stiffened, I said, "Sigyn. Loki. Isnomi."


    She sucked in a huge breath, then let it out slowly. "I know. In my moments of greatest clarity, I know. Again, though, I have you for that, My Goddess, to sit in judgement. Those you say are innocent will be untouched. Those you say ought be allowed to atone will atone." I heard the ever present echo of Mana Blades in her voice when she finished with, "and those you judge guilty for the state of our world will be fed to Mimic one tiny screaming piece at a time."


    I stuck my tongue out. "Blech. Can you two like, make pat¨¦ out of them or something first? Ooh! Wait! Deep fry it! Deep frying makes everything better!"


    "Deep fry?"


    "Tempura."


    "Oh. Yes, I see. As My Goddess commands, Deities deemed unfit to live will be boiled in oil until lightly crispy."


    Y''know, that shit should have been way funnier. Would have been if she''d been joking in the slightest. Or if Mimic hadn''t perked up and started fuckin'' salivating all over the Eastern Seaboard in M-Space.


    Bitch already has the fattest ass in creation, and now Saffron''s gonna addict her to fried food.

 Day Three Hundred And Sixty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    "Don''t forget to love yourself."


    - Soren Kierkegaard


    Ah, shit. I knew I forgot something. I mean, I''m still working on the whole ''not hating myself'' thing. Actually loving myself is several steps beyond my current capabilities. Shit, the last few times I haven''t even been able to get myself off, although given the very enthusiastic participation of my lovely wives, that''s not nearly the problem it might be otherwise. I also understand in my brain that loving someone and fucking them aren''t really all that closely related, even if my go to lovey dovey maneuver seems to be ''hey, here''s an orgasm! I maked it just for you!'' Also, part of my brain is always telling me that it''s way less special that I do that entirely because not only do I do that for my wives on the regular, I''m more or less planning to do that for one to three people to whom I am not married, nor do I intend to cuff them any time in the foreseeable.


    For those keeping score at home, Marie and I didn''t elope. Been there, done that, vaguely wish I hadn''t burned the tee shirt from Saffron and I getting married. I guess at some point we''ll have a renewal of vows with all kinds of fancy shit going on, not to mention the dress and tux from Raven''s drawing. Actually, now that I thought about it, I kinda wanted to see Marie in that dress too. Dunno if we''re starting a tradition or what, but that thought just seared itself into my brain hard.


    Last night we spent another night at Lancaster House. After dinner I pulled Bonnie aside for a quick confab. "Can I ask you something?"


    She shot me a wry smile. "You just did."


    "Yeah, yeah, I just don''t want to keep you from your nightly ride."


    She giggled at me, swatting my shoulder playfully before shaking her hand like she thought I couldn''t see it. "Wanna know a secret?"


    I smiled and slid a little closer, keeping my side to her so it didn''t look like I was horning in on Larry''s wife. Or trying to set up some kind of threesome. Or fivesome. Shit, at that point we might as well invite the rest of the fuckin'' ROTC crew and make an orgy out of it. Anyway, I didn''t want to make anybody think I was doing that, so I kinda slid up next to her, nudged her with my shoulder, and whispered, "spill," while we watched Lachlan, Larry, and Marie play with the posse and the horde hoard while Saffron made some small talk with Raven.


    Bonnie lay a hand on her belly, which still hadn''t really expanded the way her tits had. "I''m really too tired to ride my poor husband each and every night," she sighed.


    I nodded like I understood that in the slightest. "Hey, marriage is about a lot more than..."


    Her pensive face melted into a grin that told me she''d been yanking my chain when she interrupted me, "so I make him do all the work."


    I stuttered a bit before barking out a laugh that set both of us off giggling. "Holy shit, Bonnie. Here I think you need a fuckin'' pep talk because you''re Big Sad about not having your love canal dredged on the regular, and you go and put images of Larry doing the human Sybian thing." When she looked at me quizzically I held up one fist, pinky extended, shoved it through my circled finger and thumb and waggled it back and forth making ''bzzzt'' noises.


    She smirked at me, reached out, and folded my pinky back down into my fist. Then she looked me dead in the eye and said, "oh, no, it''s really more like," and rammed my whole fuckin fist through my other damn hand, sliding it up until my fingers wrapped around my forearm before sliding it back down real slow. Then she winked at me and did it again. Twice more. She laughed at the look on my face before letting go of me and said, "he is Lachlan''s brother, after all. I know you''ve seen him in the altogether at least once, from what Larry tells me."


    "Yeah, Lachlan''s little brother. How the fuck do you know what Lachlan looks like without... no, y''know what, never mind."


    She giggled again and threw an arm around me for a brief hug. "Oh, no, you asked, Diaz, and it''s rude to ask and walk away. Yes, Larry is definitely Lachlan''s... bigger brother." When I choked on my own spit, she said, "as for Lachlan, I take it you''ve never really had to live with him. The man struts around the lounge in the altogether, or in his smallclothes. The view''s not bad, but even so, it''s a little much, especially when he started wandering down to the kitchen windows like that."


    I frowned. "He''s going in the kitchen naked?"


    She shook her head, laughter bubbling under her words. "No, no, nothing like that. Well, he doesn''t go down there naked. I suspect he often winds up that way, not that it''s any of my... well, okay, I suppose in a very technical kind of way as Lady of the House it is my business, but mostly he just goes down there and stands around with his... well, everything on display until someone from the Ladies'' Quarters comes to collect him."


    I thought about that for a second before clamping my jaw shut while watching the subject of our conversation play patty cake with an androgynous five year old. Despite the nature of the game, somehow he seemed to be losing. "Holy shit," I whispered, "Lachlan is the town bike."


    "Bike?"


    "Bicycle. Uh... two wheeled jobber you... well, that''s the point. You ride bicycles."


    It took her a second, and then she started doing the same ''absolutely not snickering'' thing I was. "You''re not wrong."


    My frown snuck back onto my face. "I''m a little worried that maybe some of them aren''t so much interested as taking one for the team."


    She nodded. "I feel a little bad, now that you''ve pointed out his... uh... community property status, but I had the same thought. That''s why Raven has blanket permission to deal with him if she finds him underdressed outside of his rooms."


    Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.


    "Well that''s just throwing a different body in the way, isn''t it?"


    "We also gave her a hammer. Which she thanked us for, although she said she already had her own. Not to mention her carrying an abbreviated painting kit around all the time now."


    I gave up after a few seconds. "So... she paints him?"


    "Her kit includes a paint knife. And paint remover, which I''m told stings quite a bit, even on quite small wounds."


    I sat there thinking about that for a bit, turning it around in my head. Eventually I made the executive decision to say ''fuck it, her house, her rules, she has it well in hand''. "Yeah, okay. Lemme know if he gets out of... y''know, Larry can take care of him if he has to, can''t he?" She rolled her eyes and nodded. "Hey, I''m slow sometimes. Never claimed otherwise. Anyway, not what I came over to ask you about."


    She smiled at me when I said, ''slow sometimes'', then asked, "well then, what did you need, Commander?"


    "Still seems weird that you guys call me that."


    She shrugged. "It suits you, and Larry really won''t call you anything else without getting that horrible look on his face."


    "You mean the one where it looks like somebody shoved a kumquat so far up his ass he can taste it?"


    "Kumquat?"


    "Little citrus fruit, maybe the size of your thumb."


    "Oh! I see what you mean, although he..."


    "La, la, la, la, I can''t hear you!" When she stopped making hand gestures and got her laughing down to a dull roar, I said, "I wanted to make sure it''s okay with all the moms that we steal their kids away when we stay over."


    She stopped laughing, her smile still wide when she said, "You mean you don''t know?"


    "Know what?"


    She leaned over as if about to impart some great secret and quietly murmured, "your Maid stays in the Imperator''s suite every night with your... I guess her? Five adopted children. Most nights most of the children of Lancaster House stay with her. A few of the older ones only stay there on nights Isnomi visits. Liam, for instance, is far too ''mature'' to want to be ''babied'' by her."


    I raised an eyebrow. "Concubine. For now. Until everything is just fuckin'' perfect for Saffron and I wifing her into itty bitty kitty bits. At which point those will officially be our kids too. Not that I''m all that into everything being ''official''. But what''s this about Liam only staying over when Isnomi does?"


    She smiled one of those little sneaky smiles I''d seen girls smile while gossiping. Shit, was I gossiping? Fuck, I didn''t gossip. Did I? "I think he has a bit of a crush. At least I hope so."


    "You hope so?"


    She nodded. "I''m fairly certain your daughter has marked him for eventual conquest."


    I shook my head, a little annoyed, "oh, please. She''s not even two fuckin'' years old. I think it''s a little early for her to be thinking about what dude she wants to bang."


    "You never had little sisters, did you?"


    I froze. "No... why?"


    She smiled and said, "because I have, and I''ve watched them do things like this. The only difference?" When I nodded, she said, "none of my little sisters were the very opinionated daughter of the ruler of the world, who seems at least as acquisitive as her mother. Also, ''what dude''? Like she''s going to have one? That child takes after both her mothers, and if she has less than a handful by the time she''s our age, it will be because she broke them."


    I sat there staring as Isnomi told the bigger kids some kind of story, and I totally saw how Liam hung on every fuckin'' word. "Ah. Shit. I''m gonna have to have a fuckin'' talk with her."


    "I''d appreciate that. His mother is... well, I suppose she''s typical for Lancaster House."


    "Not very mama bear?"


    "Barely mama pigeon."


    "Ouch. Yeah, gotta hammer home that ''no breaking your toys'' thing. Hell, maybe I can get Marie to get it into her through repetition."


    She was silent a moment, then said, "it almost seems like she''s her mother already."


    I sighed. "Yeah. I kinda miss out on a lot with Menace. But... I can only really focus on one thing at a time, and right now that one thing is the fucking Undead in fucking Calverton." I paused, settling my eyes on Marie until just looking at her took the edge off. "But really? Isnomi''s got the best mom out of the three of us momming her. I''ll do everything I can whenever I can, but I''m not gonna fuck that up. I''d rather fuckin'' die."


    Bonnie was quiet a minute, then quiet enough the kids near us couldn''t hear, said, "are you sure she''s as eager to wed as you are?"


    I grinned at her. "Oh, you gotta see this. It''s precious. Hey! Murder Mittens!" Marie looked up at me, her cheeks a little pink, as were the tips of her ears where they peeked out over the little ruffled Maid headband thing that held her hair back. "You remember the wedding dress?" Her eyes darted from me to Bonnie and back, and she nodded. "You good with making another one of those?" She blinked, and as she started to nod I continued with, "in your size?" Her nod went from a slow, sure thing to an excited jerking, like she could barely contain her squee. Her wide eyes stared at me above her open-mouthed smile. Every part of her not covered by her Maid''s Uniform practically glowed pink.


    Larry looked over at Bonnie and I and said, "was that an announcement, Commander?"


    I shook my head. "Nah. Just makin'' plans. Preparing. I took a whole fuckin'' class on strategy and logistics. Gotta make sure you''ve got all your equipment in place before you start your campaign if you want to be absolutely certain you''ll conquer your objective."


    Marie sat there purring until Menace piped up, "Mama siwwy!"


    "Hey, Menace, you wanna be a flower girl again?"


    She leapt toward me, adopting a triumphant stance, feet shoulder width apart, both fists raised into the air. "Yeth!"


    Everybody laughed at that. Everybody except Saffron, who flounced over and sat down in my lap, arms folded. "What''s up, Kitten?" She just grumped non-verbally. "Okay, what''s got your panties in a bunch, and more importantly how can I get them off you. I mean unbunched. Although if they''re off they won''t be bunched. Okay, they will, but their buncheration won''t be your botheration then, will it?"


    I watched as she forced herself to keep pouting, then spun around to sit sideways on my lap, not incidentally pushing Bonnie away from me a little bit. "Your mouth will not be getting you out of this one, Tabitha Diaz. Putting Marie in that dress."


    "I mean, she''ll totally rock it. Wait..."


    "Yes, she will. Now that you''ve pointed it out, I will accept nothing less. But it seems everyone in the world will be wearing my wedding dress before I do." She huffed out a cute little huff, then pouted some more.


    "I mean, you could wear it too?"


    She looked at me like I''d grown another head. Possibly out of my ass. "What? You can''t have two brides in the same dress at one wedding. Don''t be ridiculous."


    "Uh... so what are you gonna wear... wait! I know! Skyclad?"


    She rolled her eyes. "That''s traditional for the wedding night, as I''m sure you''re aware. But no. I''ll be wearing your tux, of course."


    I kinda goggled at that until Bonnie chimed in with, "good choice. I hope Raven''s willing to document that."


    I sighed, slumping until I kinda draped myself over pouting Saffron. Who then straightened a bit and said, "I''ve changed my mind."


    I sat up, putting my arms around her. "Okay, so what are you gonna wear then?"


    She looked up at me, frowning. "No, not about that." She slipped off my lap, then reached over and tossed me over her shoulder, started walking toward the stairs. "Your mouth will very definitely be getting you out of this one. Good night, everyone."


    I figured if Bonnie could borrow our wedding dress, I sure as shit could borrow her departure. Looking up from where Saffron had flopped me face first in her ass, I held up one hand and waggled my fingers at the amused crowd. "Bye Bye!"

 Day Three Hundred And Sixty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    "It doesn''t stop being magic just because you know how it works."


    Terry Pratchett - The Wee Free Men


    Y''know, I think at some point over the past year I lost sight of that. Weirdest thing, getting reminded of it by shit I would never have thought of as ''magic''. Then again, I remember one of my teachers, the Gaming Club sponsor, talking about a quote from an old as shit game about ''the magic of orbital bombardment'', which... I''ve actually used magic to do in the here and now. Magic that I''d stopped thinking of as magic and just... did.


    How the fuck can I stop thinking about being in two places at once, or moving instantly from Calverton to Lancaster to Phileo to wherever the fuck Loki''s cave is as magic?


    Beneath the mountains in the land of the Norse, Daughter. Also, I suspect that is part of why humans strive.


    Huh?


    To capture that sense of magic, of wonder, once more.


    Huh. You really think so?


    Just an idle thought, Daughter. But not a flippant one. When you have a moment today?


    Yes?


    Stare at your wife.


    Oh, shit, that''s the kind of Divine quest I can get behind. Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    So yesterday was stupid boring. I''m not complaining at all, mind you. Somehow I''ve become an old woman before I''m even technically an adult, because I''ve come to associate ''boring'' with ''good''. Maybe it''s having kids. Maybe it''s being married.


    Maybe it''s all the deaths I cause when things aren''t boring.


    Marie and I sat on the mast watching while the Undead Killer squads carefully pushed forward through more empty space. On the one hand, it''s kinda creepy, with there being Undead in sight down some of the longer, straighter roads, and past some of the inlets. On the other hand, I''ll take a creepy boring day over an exciting high casualty one every fuckin'' time at this point. Probably because fuckin'' is now an option to liven up boring days.


    Wait, would I have been less of a self-destructive hellspawn back in the day if I''d just, I dunno, snagged some hot chick and kept her in my basement for mutual sexual gratification purposes? On the one hand, that would have been way less stupid than some of the shit I pulled. On the other hand, instead of ''nice finished mini-apartment suitable for banging our brains out'', my brain went to ''chained to the bed with a bucket in the corner'', which does not say good things about my natural impulses.


    Thankfully my Saffron understands that my needs do not include a bucket, and that fulfilling the things I do need chain me to her tighter than fuckin'' Gleipnir. Also, our bed is really nice and soft and comfy. Hell, both... wait, no, all... holy shit, we have four beds, and that''s not including Menace''s toddler bed. How do we have four beds? We''ve got two fuckin'' rooms. Okay, three if you count the one that we stole from the library. Wait, seven, because the Alliance is a Community Property state and Bonnie gave Saffron our suite. Okay, Larry signed the papers, but let''s face it, Bonnie is just Larry''s hotter, hornier Wormtongue. Only instead of corrupting him for some Dark Lord somewhere, she''s... corrupting him for a Dark Lady, who follows...


    Oh, fuck, I''m fuckin'' Morgoth.


    Deep breaths.


    Kitten?


    Yes, love?


    The Alliance is a Community Property state, right?


    Meaning...


    Oh, yeah. Spouses like, co-own everything. Unless they specifically have something they don''t. But mostly.


    Tabitha?


    Yeah?


    Are you okay?


    No.


    Come here.


    For the rest of the day I Co-Located one of me to the Love Shack, where I lay with my head on a Saffron''s lap while she stroked my hair and sang to me. Lullabies, I think, but I wasn''t in any kind of headspace to understand anything but her caring for me. It wasn''t anywhere near perfect, because I still had to keep myself on the fuckin'' mast, and keep scanning for fuckin'' flares and flags. Vigilance is what the Army needed me for, and vigilance was absolutely not what I needed just then, but sometimes you''ve got to pull on your big girl panties and get the fuckin'' job done.


    When the sun finally set and we all collapsed into the four of us in the Imperator''s Suite, I snuggled into Saffron on the sofa. "Are you hungry, love?"


    "No," I muttered into the panel of her dress covering her belly.


    I think she waved at the other two. Something with her hands, anyhow. "Go on, you two. We''ll see you at bedtime."


    "I''m sorry."


    She stroked my hair more. It hit different with only one of me, only one of her. "Don''t be, My Goddess. I am here for you."


    "But you''ve got all that political shit you do every day. And your research. And... shit, all I do is stare through some binocs and fuck shit up when the Army can''t handle it. Which they pretty much fuckin'' have for the past few days."


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    She waited until I''d run down, then said, "are you done?"


    "Maybe?"


    A smile in her voice, she said, "You''re done." When I tried to argue, she mushed my face into her stomach so nothing came out except muffled murmurs. When I stopped trying to talk she let me up. I didn''t up, I put my arms around her and burrowed my face into her belly. "Would sex help?" I shrugged. "Oh. My Goddess. My batshit, brave, beautiful Goddess, do not underestimate what you do for us. Ever."


    I pulled back just far enough to speak. "Tell me?"


    "Even if you did nothing else? Your very existence brings us Hope. Our children, our elders, our weak, and our wounded, they all know that if they are threatened, you will save them." I opened my mouth to argue and got a mouthful of Saffron belly for my troubles. Okay, a mouthful of Glowing Midnight. Annoyed, I banished her dress, her lingerie, and slapped a skirt and her tee shirt on her. Pulled up so my face mashed into the skin of her belly. "Are you sure you don''t want sex?"


    "Not yet. Contact. Skin."


    She stroked me and pulled my face tighter to her, her breasts resting on my head, warm through her shirt. "They know that if you do not? That the vengeance for their deaths will be the kind of vengeance bards sing of for generations. Our fighters? They charge into battle knowing that it matters not if the foe they face overcomes them, because even if they fall, even if all their fellows fall, there is no force in Heaven or Earth that can stand against you."


    "Undead are doing a good job." I muttered.


    Her fingers laced themselves through my hair, then lifted my head until I looked her in the eye. It hurt, but some part of me craved that. A part she pile drove into the ground when she said, "How many fatalities?"


    "But..."


    "How. Many?" she snapped at me.


    "One."


    She frowned. "The Undead killed someone?"


    I shook my head. "Construction accident."


    She rolled her eyes, shook her head, and shoved my face back into her belly. "There you go. Because you''ve told them to be cautious, to grind the Undead to powder, they can be cautious."


    "Huh?"


    "So my Goof. You fear nothing." I tried to say something about being the Bad Guy, but all that came out were raspberry noises against her belly that made her giggle. "Which means that when you tell them to be cautious against the Undead? Since it cannot be from fear, it must be from wisdom."


    Not stupidity?


    "Shh... let''s keep that between us, okay?"


    So you do think I''m stupid?


    She yanked me back sorta upright by the hair. "Do we need to have that discussion again?"


    My eyes slipped closed. "Harder." My beautiful Kitten squeezed her fist closed and forced my back to arch. It hurt, but... in the absolute best way, that I needed right then. "Sweetheart?"


    "Yes, love?"


    "Can I take you somewhere?"


    She smiled at me, "always."


    I yanked my head forward against her grip for the motion needed to Translocate, dropping us both on the mast of the Black Dragon, leaving our clothes behind with a thought as I did. Before I could say or do anything, a sphere of darkness surrounded us. As I watched her Grin in wireframe, I whispered, "stars."


    Her Grin got wicked. Wickeder.


    "Stars what?"


    I spun her around, pushing her against the upright metal, forcing my face closer to hers until we stood so close I felt her breath against my lips. "Stars. Now. Bitch... Please?" She laughed aloud, her smile getting even wickederer. "I want to watch you while we take you."


    "We?"


    I ran a hand along the upright behind her. "Yeah."


    Her laughter ringing out over the water, and a wire thin Mana Blade and a moment later, and we stood in a bowl of impenetrable blackness, the stars shining down on us. "Take me, love."


    I smiled as, even as she said that, she pulled my face away from hers. "Gonna be a little rough with you fighting me like that."


    "Yes. I hope so, anyway."


    I froze. Not because I wasn''t exactly copacetic about this, but because the tiny bit of sanity I clung to was the only part that wasn''t screaming at me to follow the fucking clear as fuck instruction she''d given me. "Are you sure?" She nodded. "I... Tell me why."


    Burying her hand in my hair, wrapping it around her fist even as she lay a hand on my belly, she whispered, "I''m stronger than I ever imagined, love. Lancaster is terrified of me. You''ve told any who would listen that you''re the nice one of us, and everyone believes you." I waited, let her speak. "Which they probably should. You''re so much kinder than me." Her eyes slid shut, then open again as she looked at me, pleading. "Show me that my guardian, my Goddess, my Goof, is that much stronger than I am still."


    I took a deep breath. "You''re sure about this?"


    One eyebrow went up. "Yes?"


    Something came over me, and I just fuckin'' rolled with it. "I ask you a third time, and will not ask again, nor will aught in the world save you from me should you say yes but one more time. Are you sure?"


    She smiled as she took a deep breath, braced herself, and sighed out, "yes."


    Later, as we lay under a purring pile of pygmy Lancasterites, Saffron whispered into my chest, "best we don''t tell Olga about that."


    "Huh?"


    "After you turned her down with all those size jokes, she''ll certainly, as you would say, feel some kind of way about you including Black Dragon in our troika this evening."


    I didn''t quite snort loud enough to wake all of our houseguests. I did snort loud enough to get a response from Marie, who squirmed around, put an arm around Saffron and I, and pulled us in until Saffron was a squishy buffer between Marie''s muscles and mine. You okay, Kitten?


    I wouldn''t move if I could, entirely because I cannot. She responded to my silent confusion with, I feel safe.


    Tell us if you need to, y''know, breathe or shit, okay?


    I''m fine, Goof. I was almost asleep when her final thought before drifting off to sleep reached me. Almost as fine as you.


    Mimic danced with her Kraken again, bracing herself against the docks while she did. She was very polite about chibi Chef Marie consumption. Like, ''refusing to chew'' polite. So fuckin'' weird.


    I woke surrounded by kids needing diapers, kids needing baths, kids needing toweling and dressing. I think maybe I missed this part of family. Not, like, nostalgia, but I never had this part; I was always the kid, always the one getting manhandled into being vaguely socially presentable. Not sure how much the kids being so eager for me to dry them off helped, but I loved every minute of it.


    Overwatch duty today didn''t seem to flick any of my sadness switches. Might have been Marie being extra snuggly as we stood there in the breeze across the Bay. Might have been the new imperfections on the mast; a slightly bowed bit of steel here, a discoloration there, but each and every one made me smile. Probably didn''t hurt that shortly after noon a very cuddly Marie very pointedly ran her claws over a few of those discolorations, then looked me in the eye and said, "Next."


    I smiled up at her and said, "with me? With Saffron?"


    "Yes."


    I put my arms around her and leaned back, enjoying how I could trust her to hold me up while I dangled above the deck dozens of feet below me. "Both at once? Or taking turns?"


    "Yes."


    I laughed, looking through my binoculars at the Calverton skyline. "So greedy!"


    She let me slip just the slightest bit, and I gloried in how my body thrilled with adrenaline even as my Soul knew I was utterly safe in her claws. "Maenad."


    "I love it, and you know it." She pulled me up into a kiss. As we listened to the cheers from below, I said, "I love you."


    "Same."


    Right before sunset, a pair of flags flew from the building Swanson had coopted for his offices. I Co-Located there, Marie by my side. "Good Evening, Seneschal! What''s up?"


    "Good Evening, Majesty. We''ve cleared to the next inlet, and I''d intended for us to move our perimeter up in the morning."


    I nodded, figuring if he had a plan it was better than my lack of one. "Sounds good. Do it?"


    He nodded, then shook his head. "Unfortunately, it appears we''ve hit a snag."


    "Something you need me for?"


    "Perhaps. We''ve discovered a fairly well maintained dry dock; we took it to be empty, although it had some... dust? Mud? Muck? Down in the base that we didn''t like the look of, so we had some crossbowmen fire into it to see if there was anything hiding in it."


    "What popped out?"


    He sighed. "Hole Spawn."


    "Well. Fuck."

 Day Three Hundred And Sixty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    "Please give us a simple answer, so that we don''t have to think, because if we think, we might find answers that don''t fit the way we want the world to be."


    Terry Pratchett, Nation


    Damn. Don''t think I''d ever heard that quote before. My man Pratchett has some sarcasm, but I can''t remember him being quite that savage. Then again, maybe it''s just always snuggled in among the hilarious descriptions, or snuggled up with the awesome characters. Eh, probably just me missing shit. All that said, I totally get what he''s talking about. Hell, I''m trying to encourage independent thought in my officers and troops and shit almost entirely because I don''t want to think, so I even get the reason why people do that shit. Okay, I''m kinda shit at fostering initiative in my guys, but that would be for the same core reason I''m trying to do it; I''m really kinda shit when it comes to thinking. At least in any kind of calm, collected, coherent manner.


    So yesterday evening the command staff told me about a Hole Spawn blocking our potential advance tomorrow. "Shit, is the thing hitting our troops?"


    "No, Majesty," said Swanson. "If you''ll follow me?"


    "Lead on, my man!"


    It took us like fifteen minutes to reach the big slip drydock thing. When we got there, I saw half a dozen guys making their way down three ladders into the big rectangular hole in the ground. As I watched, one of them slipped and dropped down a rung before catching themselves.


    "The fuck?" I muttered, then stepped across to the guy with the fanciest uniform on the far side of the box, at the top of the ladders. "What the fuck are they doing?" I nodded down to the climbing guys.


    "Majesty! These brave men and women volunteered!"


    "Not what I..." A ripple in the muck at the bottom of the pit caught my eye, and I Co-Located down even as I screamed, "get them out!"


    The trooper who''d slipped before lost their grip again, and one of me caught them just before the fuckin'' Hole Spawn''s claw did. Another one of me landed inside that same claw, braced so it couldn''t slam closed. Not fast enough to avoid getting bisected, unfortunately. While two parts of me splashed into the water, I Co-Located to each of the idiots on the ladders and grabbed them, stepping up and dropping them half a dozen feet beyond the side of the pit. Then I collapsed all of me next to Mister Fancy Uniform and screamed, "what the fuck were you thinking?"


    He took half a step back, stuttering, "I... I... but..."


    I stopped and took a deep breath, holding up a hand for silence. I looked down as the sounds of scrabbling came from inside the drydock; the Hole spawn scrabbled its way about ten feet up the side of the dock, then the moment its back feet left the ground, it toppled over backward. The moment it did, the troops surged forward.


    "STOP!" My scream echoed through and out of the drydock, and I wound up having to Co-Locate and grab another pair of idiots who took headers off the slippery edge. Amplifying my voice, I screamed out, "GET THE FUCK BACK FROM THE EDGE!"


    I Co-Located a line of me around the edge of the drydock, Blades out, glaring at the idiots as they scrambled backwards. After I had them all backed away far enough that nobody would accidentally tempt fate into applying death by muck and spawn, I retracted my Blades and shook my heads. "Look, guys, I''m sorry, I didn''t mean to scare you..."


    "My men are not..."


    "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I screamed in his face, and the fucker shut the fuck up, because he wasn''t a complete idiot. Then he fell over in a dead faint, and I had to keep his annoying ass from sliding into the fucking drydock. "Cheese and rice, you guys need OSHA." I scanned the crowd, and none of them seemed like they wanted to argue with me. I heaved a sigh and tried again. "I''m sorry, guys, I''m more pissed at your boss here," I held up fancy uniform and waved him around. "Than I am at you guys." I shook my head. "Hell, I''m not even really that pissed at any of you, even him." I tossed him over to some of his buddies, then said, "I''ve been trying to get this across to you guys, but let''s make it really clear. If you see something like this?" I waved at the Hole Spawn, which had opened its raggedy-assed wings, gotten about five feet off the ground, then slammed back into the muck. "Call me the fuck in. Talk to the guys in sus alley." I watched as they all looked at one another, confused. "That one fuckin'' alley the Undead kept attacking? Yeah, talk to those guys. I''m not gonna get pissed at you for calling me in."


    Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.


    They all just stared at me. "Guys?" They didn''t get any less confused, but when all of me put my hands on my hips and stood there cocking my head at them, I definitely had their attention. "I just don''t want you guys getting hurt if you don''t have to. Okay? You''re my guys. I want you all coming home at the end of this. Okay?" I swear, I never thought I''d have to put on the fuckin'' uwu magic girlie chan eyes to get people to stop being stupid, but here we fuckin'' are.


    "So, can you guys please stay safe for me?"


    "YEAH!"


    I very carefully did not facepalm, instead smiling serenely at them, and holding up one hand to stop the sudden surge of soppy idiots from trying to hug me while I stood on the sloppy slippery edge. Thankfully they weren''t quite stupid enough to drop us all into the fuckin'' pit with the Hole Spawn.


    I waved Swanson over, and when he stepped up I asked, "can you station some Jotnar to watch over this little fucker? He can''t seem to get out, and I''ve got an idea."


    He frowned. "I was hoping to open up the floodgates and bring some supplies in here, since the docks proper are a bit far now, and the docks near here have mostly rotted into uselessness."


    "Can it wait a day or two?"


    He sighed. "I''m not happy about having one of those behind our lines, but... it does appear trapped, and the Jotnar should be able to keep it contained if it finds some purchase on the walls."


    I nodded. "Thanks, Swanson. You''re a bro. Marie and I will stick around until you get those Jotnar up here, okay?"


    He nodded, and Marie Co-Located next to each of me on the cordon. We sat there until the Jotnar arrived, and by that point some of the troops around us had found some rope and wood and built an actual little rope fence. I realized the guys here at the drydock were actually a bunch of our Undead Killers, and all of a sudden the extra testosterone made a lot more sense.


    Once everything looked more or less under control, with Olga herself moving forward to take charge and make sure none of these idiots offed themselves or each other, I stepped home with Marie, then slid open the armoire and the door in its back. "Son?"


    I jumped as he dropped down from above, and his grin spread to his fuckin'' ears. "Yes, mother?"


    "You wanted a Hole Spawn, right?"


    He frowned, "I would like one, but working with dead materials is always so... limiting."


    I smiled at him, "guess what?"


    His smile returned, hope lighting in his eyes, making it look almost real. "Really?"


    I nodded. "Yep. Only problem is getting it back here. I don''t think we have a ship other than the Black Dragon that could do it safely, and even she might have some problems. But... remember what you did with our rooms?"


    He looked thoughtful. "That does take some preparation, Mother dearest."


    "Can you have it ready to go some time tomorrow?"


    He pondered a moment. "Is it inside of a building of some kind?"


    "Nah. Drydock. Sides are too slick for it to get out. Open top though."


    He frowned again.. "It hasn''t flown out?"


    "Nope. Wings are broken. Dunno how it happened, but they''re all fucked up."


    "Pity. The soonest I could be ready to open a door into my Workshop would be just after sunset tomorrow, and it would be extremely helpful if you could remain at the site tomorrow, to help me calibrate."


    I thought about it. "All of me?"


    "Oh, no. Just one will do, although I''d prefer you stay relatively still. Within a few paces in any direction."


    I nodded. "Can do. Thanks, son."


    "Oh, no, Mother dearest. Thank you!"


    I gave him a quick mom-hug, then stepped out, motioning to the door. He nodded, so I slid it shut and stepped back to Lancaster House, where Menace and Saffron waited next to the bath. Right about then I realized the stench from the drydock hadn''t gone away. It wasn''t anything like the awful shit from last time, but I still sighed and sat my ass down in the tub. Fortunately, whatever Marie had found last time worked a treat, and before long the four of us stumbled out, squeaky clean, into a room full of sleeping kids. I yoinked the mattress down, and we all settled in for a good night''s sleep.


    Mimic danced with her Kraken and nommed chibi-Chefs with a modicum of restraint. She still looked at that one tentacle like it stank, though.


    Today was surprisingly quiet. More fighting, because the Undead Killer squads had finally gotten to the Undead which had been waiting in the distance, but nothing the guys couldn''t handle with the slow, systematic extermination I''d told them I wanted.


    Meanwhile Marie and I both sat atop Black Dragon''s mast, watching for flags and flares, while another pair of us watched the fuckin'' Hole Spawned crab creep around in the muck.


    At least none of the fuckers were dumb enough to make me go swimming with the fuckin'' thing again.

 Day Three Hundred And Seventy

    Dear Diary,


    "Often when you think you''re at the end of something, you''re at the beginning of something else."


    - Fred Rogers, The World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember


    That definitely qualifies as one of those ''as above, so below'' kinda things, I think. Like, I get that it works for big stuff. Like when you think you''re done with school, only to find out that adults do not, in fact, sit home and party all day, but do, in fact, go to work and do shit that makes school seem like partying all day. I mean, I never had to do that shit. No graduating for me! Nope, just getting shot in the face and Isekai''d to a fucked up version of reality where the Gods are real and I get to go to an Academy that trains fantasy heroes until shit happens and I wind up having to sit on the mast... all... day...


    Something amiss, Daughter?


    HOLY FUCKING SHITBALLS I FORGOT AGAIN!


    Daughter?


    I was supposed to meet my friends in class on Thursday, and I totally fuckin'' forgot again!


    Haven''t you been sleeping in a house owned by one of those friends, with another two living there? Three, if you consider Lachlan among their number?


    Shit, of course I do. Him and me and Bonnie are like the complete bo set.


    A sense of confusion emanated through my brain. Pardon?


    Bonnie''s the bimbo, Lachlan''s the himbo, and I''m the shimbo. Full set.


    So... there isn''t some male version of a... shimbo?


    Pfft. No. What would it even be? Guy who is all femme coded and displays all the bimbo traits? What would you even call that? Wait... no... shit, that''s basically just a bog standard femboi, isn''t it?


    I must confess I have no idea. However, if I might suggest, you could perhaps socialize at mealtimes?


    I blew out a full lungful of air. Yeah. Yeah, I''ll do that. Thanks, Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    So yesterday just as the sun touched the horizon, I Co-Located to The Smith''s Workshop and called out, "son? How''s it going?"


    "Good evening, Mother!" he said from behind me. I turned and pulled him into a mom-hug, maybe enjoying his discomfort a little more than I ought, even as he faked enjoying it enough to hug back. "I am just about ready. In fact," a sound like the biggest fuckin'' crystal chime in the world rang through the workshop. "My preparations are complete. If you could just step back to the drydock?"


    "Don''t want me riding along this time?"


    He sighed, his look of resignation picture perfect. "I''m sorry, Mother, but I''ll be scrying on you to find my destination, and with you inside the Workshop it will not work as I need it to."


    "S''ok son. I''ll see you there soon!"


    With that I collapsed back to the me in Marie''s arms looking down at the gunk in the bottom of the drydock. Now that I thought about it, if the fuckin'' Hole Spawn could hide in there, it had to be at least five feet deep, probably deeper. The thing managed to creep around under the muck, and even lying flat on its belly it had to be five feet thick. I did not envy Conrad having to wash that shit off; it stank almost as bad as the spooge Vulcan coated me with when he''d blasted that first one, and as Marie showed, it took the same kind of special whatever to get it off. I really gotta ask her what that was, because even though we killed off the big one, the existence of this ugly thing meant there were still giant enemy crab Spawn and probably channel catfish Spawn swimming around.


    The sun dropped below the horizon, and as the colors faded from the sky I heard that scraping, metal-on-metal sound I''d first heard when Conrad helped us move. Some part of my brain told me I''d heard it before then, but with the way it set my teeth on edge I couldn''t really place it just then. A few moments later, a pair of doors slid sideways at the bottom of the drydock across from where we sat. The gunk at the bottom oozed through the doors into the Workshop. Glistening lines of oily gunk flowed across the surface of the glop filling the base of the drydock, and the overall level of gunk lowered enough for the shell of the thing to show up out of the gunk. A few seconds later I realized why its wings were so fucked up; the corpses of another pair of Hole spawn, one thankfully small scorpion type and one catfish type, both ripped into and eaten, slowly became visible as the glop receded.


    The Hole Spawned Crab just sat there picking shit soaked bits out of the scorpion Spawn, shoving them into its maw. A weird kind of tone echoed out of the opening into the Workshop, and the crab twitched a little, but kept eating. The tone sounded again, and my ears leaked like the wax had liquefied, but the crab didn''t respond other than to scuttle around a bit to turn its back to the big double doors. After a few moments, something went ''whoomp'' from inside the doors, and air rushed out. Air that stank worse than the fuckin'' Hole Spawn, even. Like some bizarre combination of garbage left to rot for days under the August sun, mixed into a septic tank, with several gallons of chunky menstrual blood layered atop. I had all I could do to keep from barfing, and as far as I knew, I wasn''t physically capable of vomiting.


    My guys weren''t so lucky. I got to watch as one of the Jotnar went to hands and knees and lost his lunch. Points to the big guy for his aim; it all went right down into the drydock, where it formed a weirdly chunky island of red-pinkish yuck in the overall grey-brown muck. That set off a bunch of our other troops. Unfortunately, none of them were big enough to barf in the drydock without falling in. Fortunately, most of them made it to the waterfront, where they fed the hopefully normal sized crabs and catfish and... sharks? I think? Sharks eat chum, right?


    As the sounds of mass stomach evacuation died down, I got to watch as Conrad Translocated behind Marie. Weird thing, I realized just then that his looks different to Saffron''s and Marie''s. When Saffron Translocates, she''s just there, like she''d been standing there the whole time. When Marie does it, there''s a sense that she just landed there after jumping. Nothing specific like motion or bunched muscles I could point to, just a feeling. Conrad flickered into being like when you''re half asleep and your misfiring brain suddenly recognizes something in your line of sight as a fuckin, I dunno, spider the size of your hand about to land on your face or some shit, only for you to realize when you jump up screaming and flailing that it was an eye-floater or an airborne dust bunny or some kind of fuckin'' hallucination or some shit. Kinda appropriate for his Domain, I guessed.


    Before his hand could touch Marie''s shoulder, she held his wrist between two claws, swiveling her gaze to glare at him, eyes sliding shut then open again. "Good evening, dear Marie." She let go of his wrist, and his hand slid against hers as he dropped his arm. "Mother dearest, might I have some assistance?"


    I shrugged. "Sure, son. Whatcha need?"


    He pouted. "My lures didn''t work. It won''t get into the containment tank."


    I looked down to where the fuckin'' crab had gone back to noshing on its deceased sibling. "Could you make, like, a harpoon gun or something?"


    After a moment of silence he said, "I have one. But it''s wings are already damaged, and I''d hoped to avoid harming it further. I could work with a deceased specimen, of course, but..."


    "But that''s not what you want. I get it, last resort shit. But... why don''t you see if you can snag the one it''s eating? Lure it back by taking it''s food? Or is your containment tank too small?"


    He scoffed. "Hardly. I''ve never had the opportunity to study one, so I''ll need some time to observe it. I''d intended to keep it alive for some time in that state, which means I made the tank large enough to be a living environment."


    "So snag the scorp. You''ll even have a handy food source for your new pet."


    He opened his mouth like he was about to dispute me labelling the fuckin'' Hole Spawn his ''pet'', but then shut it with a snap and faded from view. A little bit later, a huge thrumming twang sounded form behind the doors, and a spike at the end of a dark rope flew out of the doors and punctured the scorpion''s torso. As it winched backward, I noticed Weyson walking up to me, his robes practically glowing in the darkness.


    "Hey, Weyson! What''s good? I thought you were doing Council shit?"


    He nodded, his face maybe paler than normal, although that could have been the moonlight. "The Imperator''s bodyguard graciously agreed to convey me to Princess Olga, that I might confer with her regarding some decisions."


    I turned to Marie. "Have you been ferrying every fuckin'' person in the Alliance around whenever they need it?"


    She blushed a little as I smiled up at her. "Maybe."


    I shook my head and reached up with both hands to pull her face down into a kiss. "You work so hard to make this shit work. I love you, Murder Mittens."


    She purred a little and murmured, "vlickies"


    "Ah. Yes. Well. I..."


    I leaned back against Marie as the scorpion glushing its way across the bottom of the drydock released smells that no man or beast ought smell. "So, did you need something, or did you just come over to take in the fascinating smells we''ve discovered here in Calverton?"


    He tensed, looked around, then hissed out, "I come to warn you!" When I tilted my head, he said, "that thing is a danger to every being in this City!"


    I glanced down at the Hole Spawn, which had scuttled over to the remains of the catfish Spawn as the scorpion Spawn slid through the doors into the Workshop. I turned back to Weyson. "I mean, yeah, Hole Spawn are kinda fuckin'' awful, but this one''s wings are all fucked up, and the drydock''s walls won''t support its weight, or they''re too slippery or some shit. Probably slippery with shit, now that I think about it. What the fuck went into there that stinks like that, anyhow?"


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    Weyson looked a little nonplussed, and replied without thinking, "I think Mayor McCann mentioned something about them burning all their ships under construction along with as many bodies as they could pack onto them."


    "Oh. Fuck. Yeah, that might do it."


    He grabbed my arm, and I might have got real quiet, what with our only previous semi-physical interaction having been on a field of combat. "But no, not the Hole Spawn. That... thing... you were talking ckkkhkk..."


    I looked down my arm to where I realized I couldn''t quite wrap one hand all the way around his neck. "Weyson? I want you to think very carefully about the next words out of your mouth about my son."


    I let up the pressure just enough for him to wheeze out. "Smith!"


    "Yeah. He''s the Weyland Smith. He''s also my adopted son. He goes by Conrad now, to family and friends. Which you might have and still might be one if you''re not a complete douchebaggy idiot. Then again, you''re one of the One Eyed Monster''s High Priests, so I''m not holding up high hopes about Olga not needing a new High Councilor by the end of the night."


    Right about then I noticed Olga had knelt down to conversational distance. "Your adopted son."


    I looked her square in her eye and spat out, "yeah, what about it?"


    "How did you get him to agree to that?" Olga''s whisper ought to have been louder than some men''s screams, but it wasn''t.


    I shrugged. "He asked me. Didn''t quite beg... wait, no, I think for him it would have qualified as begging. If you bring that up with him in any way, I''ll encourage him to get creative with you."


    Funny watching somebody that big shudder. Made her tits wobble. Which I guess it does to anybody with tatas big enough to, y''know, wobble, but with Mimic sitting her ass on the docks now I got a shot of anxious straight to the crotch at the thought of that much fear sweat. "You tricked Loki."


    "Yeah?"


    "You overpowered Domnu."


    "Are we gonna sit here going over shit I straight up told you all night?"


    Her shuddering sigh almost spelled the glorious screaming end of her right the fuck there. "You would allow me to take your throne?"


    I rolled my eyes. "Fuck, don''t tell me you don''t want the job any more."


    She chuckled, and my control almost slipped as that wry smile did for the sane parts of me what her terror had done for the rest. "Do I look stupid? Of course I still want to be Queen. I just," she raised one hand, asking for patience, "some part of me thought I''d given you a good enough fight that day on the Green that you thought me worthy."


    "You did give me a good fight."


    Her laugh rolled through the night, almost holding back her shudders. "Oh, please. Had you wanted me dead, I would have been dead."


    The bitch dancing on the Bay washed over me, and I waved her closer. Closer still. I ran the hand not around Weyson''s neck down the curve of her chin. Her eyelids fluttered closed as I said, "I never said I didn''t want you dead. It would be so, so satisfying. But I choose to make you Queen, instead. Just know that while I try my best to be merciful, and kind, and understanding, and patient?"


    Her eyelids fluttered. "Yes, Mistre... Majesty?"


    I pitched my voice to carry no further than her ears and growled out, "Should you deliberately abuse or neglect our subjects, or anyone of the Alliance, I will take apocalyptic pleasure in rending you from the inside out." I snorted, trying to pull myself back from the edge with humor. "Laughing about me being a Jotnar condom, best behavior or you''ll find out what it''s like." Okay, shitty fucked up edgelord sex humor, but humor. I pushed her back, not a shove, just a gentle nudge, and turned back to Weyson. "Now. Where. Were. We?"


    He knelt there, eyes down, his weight on my hand as he tried to fall to kowtow to me. "I was apologizing to Your Majesty for causing offense. Please, forgive me, I meant only to save you from harm. Please, I intended no insult to..." he gulped. "Your son. Please forgive my offense."


    "Not even going to offer some kind of something to make that shit right?"


    He nodded, or tried to as best he could with my hand around his neck. "Anything, Majesty. Name it, and it is yours. I ask only that you spare me, that I might continue to serve you."


    I leaned down to whisper at him. "You mean serve One Eye. I''m not stupid, Weyson. But you''ll get to keep serving Norfolk, and the Alliance. Y''know why?"


    His voice held not the barest hint of mockery when he replied, "please, Majesty, enlighten me."


    "Because I am trying to be merciful, kind, understanding, and patient. If I find that you, who unlike Olga I have never really liked, have done something against the interests of the Alliance or, more importantly, her people? I will have my son turn your ribs into successively larger butt plugs until we can shove your head, hands, and feet up your ass, at which point I''ll use you as one of those fancy toilet brush holders. I will then take the cost of doing so out of Odin''s ass, followed by monthly rent payments for the space you take up in our commode. Do we have an understanding?"


    "Yes, Majesty." Strange, that the scent of urine could overpower the stink of Hole Spawn even slightly. Then again, the bottom of his robe was pretty fuckin'' yellow.


    "Good. Drink more water. Hate to have you decide to do the right thing then die painfully of kidney failure and shit. Son? You good?"


    Conrad lay a hand on Weyson''s shoulder, and my grip around his neck was the only reason Odin''s fuckboy didn''t faceplant into the mud from his own piss. "I suppose his apology was heartfelt and comprehensive. What ''penance'' to apply, though?"


    I smiled as I let go of Weyson, the Smith''s grip the only thing preventing from splashing piss-mud everywhere, "why don''t you give him a ride home when we''re done here? You can talk it over with him then."


    Gotta hand it to Conrad, his gleeful little boy with a new toy smile was on point. "Of course, Mother dearest." Then he frowned.


    "What''s wrong, son?" He didn''t answer, just pouted and nodded to the drydock. I looked down to see the very tail end of the catfish Spawn inside the doors into the Workshop. The crab Hole Spawn stood directly across from the doors, claws up in a defensive posture. "Ah, fuck." I sighed. "Any way I can help?"


    He looked at me, and I swear to all fuck that he somehow managed to look like a grade schooler asking his Mom to take care of the neighborhood High School bully. "Could you bait it for me?"


    I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, got my gagging under control, and said, "have those doors ready to slam shut as fast as you possibly fuckin'' can."


    His arms crushed me to him, "thank you, Mother!"


    I opened my eyes, looked around to an absence of Conrad or Weyson, then turned to Marie. "Murder Mittens?" She looked a little frightened, but nodded. "I am absolutely not going to make you go down in that shit. It''s hard enough to get off of skin, we''d have to fuckin'' shave you." I pulled The Dress off and handed it to her, followed by her boots. Then, standing there barefoot in Weyson''s piss-mud, I said, "tell me you can have some of whatever that black powder was ready as soon as we''ve got that fucking thing contained."


    "Yes."


    I sighed, then looked up into her eyes. "Good. You''ve got thirty seconds. Make me forget every reason I don''t want to do this."


    Her arms snaked around me, lifting me. Her tongue invaded my mouth. I think she wound up licking my larynx. She reminded me yet again that her claws, while non-retractable, were fucking precision instruments utterly under her control as they very pointedly did not gut me. ''Scratch my belly from the inside'' indeed.


    Don''t fucking stop.


    I Co-Located half a dozen of me into the pit, and the fucking Hole Spawn reacted as expected, lashing out at me before I even arrived. Two of me fell screaming into the muck, legs dissolving, as the others lashed out with Fire Bolts then leapt backward. Tried to leap, but wound up staggering as the muck clung. Another pair fell, the pain hitting as I collapsed them into the remaining pair, who stood atop the catfish and the scorpion. A quick glance showed me high, shining, slick looking glassy walls surrounding an area big enough to park a quartet of tractor-trailers two by two, and then the crab punished me for looking around by grabbing the me atop the catfish and shoving me headfirst into its maw. I discovered the downside of unholy high Endurance in the next few moments as its best efforts didn''t so much crush my head like an egg as erode it like a goddamned Hole Spawn jawbreaker.


    The doors finally finished rumbling shut, and I collapsed that me into the me atop the scorpion.


    Drop me!


    No way was I getting Hole Spawn shit muck in Marie''s fur if I could avoid it. I collapsed back to the me falling into the piss-mud.


    I tried to collapse back to that me, but bounced. The crab''s claw sliced me in half, then reached for me. "Mother!" I Translocated up to Conrad''s outstretched hand, and he yanked me out of the tank just before the lid stopped sliding shut. "I''m sorry, Mother!" Credit where it''s due, he really did look a little bit distraught. Probably me stinking up his lab with Hole Spawn Shit and floppity intestines with an unsurprising in retrospect lack of Tabitha shit. "The containment tank is proofed against Translocation, should it seek to escape that way."


    "Yeah. Important safety tip. Thanks Egon." I groaned, because that snark cost some excruciating pain given the state of my diaphragm.


    He looked crestfallen. "I didn''t think you would stay in there until the doors closed completely. I..." He stopped, started again. "You should be able to de-Co-Locate now."


    I waved him down, then put one hand on his face, careful not to smear shit on him. "No worries, son. Just... make me proud with that thing? And with Weyson?"


    His grin oozed back across his face. "Yes, Mother!"


    I collapsed back to the me lying in the piss-mud. "I''ll see you in the bath. K?"


    "Yes."


    I landed in Saffron''s very naked lap. "Oh, fuck. I''m sorry, Kitten."


    "Whyever... whyever for? Sorry, that smell... Oh, gods, it got in my mouth."


    I tried not to move, because every movement set off another wave of stench. "Yeah, that''s why."


    "Being here, for you, with you, in this?" She paused, getting her gagging under control. "This is part and parcel of nurturing you according to my nature, love."


    I stopped trying to not get her nasty and just lay my head against her chest, my arms around her. We lay there like that, trying not to breathe, until Marie arrived, powdered us, and scrubbed the stench off. Objectively, it didn''t take very long at all. Subjectively, it took way too long, and the only thing that made it bearable was my Kitten purring at me.


    Mimic danced the stanky leg with her Kraken and gobbled her chibi Chefs and shrimp. I swore I would teach that bitch some manners if it was the last thing I did, but just then my sweet Saffron and marginally marinara Marie washed the memory of Hole Spawn shit out of my head.


    Woke to a horde of kids to be washed, dried, and clothed. Hadn''t even started getting old, despite my worries about that. Mostly I think I liked the way the kids squirmed until I started the toweling, at which point they''d just kinda go limp like a kitten when you pick it up by the scruff.


    Marie and I quietly, slowly, and with a great deal of laughter, smiling, and one sided kissing discussed future mast-related shenanigans while we did overwatch from atop the Black Dragon''s mast.


    Saffron and I made it to Advanced Healing Studies, and spent the whole class being the moderately delinquent couple in the back trying to get away with antics every time nobody was looking. I think Doc Glass figured out, and Doc Z straight up caught us at least twice, but he just smiled indulgently and went back to playing with Menace, who stayed up front and actually helped out by playing pointer and shit all day long.


    Oh! Except for lunch! At lunch a god blessed miracle happened. I remembered! The four of us hopped down to the Dining Room, and if the table wound up a little crowded with the addition of Saffron and Menace, Marie managed to keep pace even with my renewed rapacious consumption of special delivery jalape?o scrapple. We talked about how their classes had been going, about the new shit happening in and around Lancaster House, how Rider and Rosen were working to maybe bring their own families around to not being douchebag-style Dan, and most surprising for me, about how everybody at the table had been working for Bill''s election campaign over in Camden Yards.


    Yeah, Bill Driver was running for Mayor of Camden Yards. That shit floored me, even though it made a whole lot of fuckin'' sense in a lot of ways. Rich parents, at least for the Yards. Connections all over the place through his parents. Bag as shit, but could pass for Human for anybody who felt some kinda way about that. Academy Cadet in good standing, with every indication he''d be a Phileo Hero in good time, unless the Yards wound up having their own Heroes, in which case, still a Hero, just a Camden Yards one.


    Of course, even as all that good shit washed over and around me, something bugged me. I realized what it was when Marie leaned over my shoulder with another tray of scrapple. I grabbed her arm, holding her face next to mine, and whispered in her ear, "do you enjoy doing that? Playing serving wench?"


    "Yes?" she whispered back.


    "Pity." When she glanced sideways at me, I whispered, "enjoy it while you can. After our wedding night, you''ll be sitting in my lap at mealtimes, because ain''t no fuckin'' way you''ll be able to stand when I''m done with you."


    Pink Marie best Marie.

 Day Three Hundred And Seventy-One

    Dear Diary,


    "Don''t believe in yourself. Believe in me. Believe in the Kamina who believes in you."


    Kamina, Gurren Lagann


    Holy shit, I never really understood that quote until today, I don''t think. Like, when I originally saw it, I laughed and thought it was just batshit insanity. One of my teachers put a poster with that shit up on it, and I laughed. Hell, when somebody would say they couldn''t understand something, that it was too hard, she''d just point at the poster and say, "don''t make me tap the sign."


    So weird that I''d find a copy of that same fuckin'' poster folded into one of the comics in my book stash.


    Anyway, yesterday after a lunch made satisfying by sudden Maid chromatic changes, we went about our days. Marie and I had some fun posing on the mast, which got some good natured cat calls from the crew working on the deck. Those hit different when my inner monologue is asking, ''should I end them, it would be fun?'' rather than ''should I run away or just smile and walk away slowly?''. ''Do I need to pull a weapon'' doesn''t even enter into it. Marie and I are weapons, and if that comes with all kinds of fuckin'' existential angst, it also comes with a lack of fucks to give about potential rapists. I guess dealing with Ericson the way I did gave me one less hang up about that.


    Along with being what my Gramma used to call a ''tall drink of water'', Marie is, like, weirdly flexible. Not just ''super flexible'', either, because while in some ways she is, in other weird ways she''s not. She has a bunch of trouble getting her legs entirely straight. I helped her do it at one point, and by the look on her face it must have hurt. She is, however, almost as stubborn as your girl Tabitha, and managed to get fully on point with one leg, doing a vertical split along the mast. Really fuckin'' weird to find out that I can pull that shit off without Marie''s help. DuBois flexibility training for the win, I guess?


    I still needed her help to hook my knee behind my head, which wasn''t really embarrassing. Getting it unhooked was, especially when she Co-Located Saffron down to see me before she did so. I mean, neither of them laughed, but Saffron didn''t have to with how hard she was obviously working to avoid laughing.


    End of the night we headed back to the Imperator''s Suite and bedded down for the night. I''m definitely getting used to being buried under the posse and the horde hoard while we sleep. Of course, at some point I need to learn the names of the five who Marie adopted. I mean, I ought to learn more than just those five, with them staying over every fuckin'' night, but with those five eventually they''re gonna wind up calling me ''Mama'', and at that point calling them, ''kid'' because I don''t know their name would be fuckin'' awkward as hell.


    Mimic had returned to the Kraken disco with a passion, and seemed equally passionate about her chibi chef consumption.


    Woke up and got my daily dose of warm fuzzy doling out warm fuzzy towelings. Almost asked Marie about which ones were hers, but when I saw how Liam looked at her when she dressed him up in a little Academy Uniform, I realized that she''d either say something like ''All.'', which wouldn''t be very informative, or she''d point out some particular kids, which would make the others feel some kinda way. I guess I could have asked, ''which kids are orphans'', but that sure as fuck would have made the orphans feel some kinda way, and none of them deserved that.


    When we settled down to a nice Waffle breakfast in the dining room, I put an arm around my Kitten, snugged her in so I could whisper in her ear, and said, "drop those extra waffles and crepes on my plate right the fuck now." She blinked, but after a few moments two extra waffles and two cream filled crepes appeared on my plate. "Good Girl. Now, open wide." She might have gone a little pouty at my initial demand, but that disappeared by the time I''d fed her not only her own waffles, but at least half of mine as well.


    "You really enjoy feeding me like that, don''t you?" she asked as she patted her lips with a napkin. Mostly useless gesture; I''d been really careful, because I remembered there was a whole assed Famine going on, and it wasn''t my Kitten''s birthday.


    I nodded. "Yeah. I think it reminds me a little of breast feeding Menace." When the others at the table gave me weird looks at that, I rolled my eyes, said, "Loki powers activate!" Mimicked Saffron, then went back to being myself.


    It brings me no end of joy to see you make those around you deceive themselves with so little effort, Daughter.


    I learned from the best.


    I know.


    Saffron looked up at me, a teasing smile on her face. "Oh, so I''m your child now? That would rather make some other activities less appropriate, would it not?"


    I bent over until our noses almost touched and growled out, "like you''d let that stop you." Blushing Saffron is almost as adorable as blushing Marie. I mean, okay, Saffron is just adorable in general, but the adorability increase in Marie is greater, since she starts out way more ''hot'' than ''adorable'', where Saffron''s baseline ''adorability'' is almost coequal with her ''hot''. Let''s face it though, they''re both pegging the meter when they blush.


    Lucky fuckin'' meter.


    I can''t believe I just thought that with my own brain. Maybe I need to talk with Saffron about seeing what she''d look like in boy mode or something.


    At any rate, once I''d managed to get my own raging lady boner under control, I laughed a little and said, "no, seriously, it''s more about taking care of somebody I care about more than... shit, is this what you meant by ''nurture according to my nature''?"


    She smiled and reached up to lay a hand against my face, "I suppose it is, love." Then she leaned into me and kissed me, prompting a round of quiet squee noises from Bonnie and Lachlan, as well as some less than quiet retching from Raven.


    Screw it, two to one, Raven got outvoted, and I took my time responding in kind.


    When we came up for air, I was gonna ask Bonnie why she still got all gooey when she had her own epic mount, but she''d preempted the question by pulling Larry in for some liplock of their own. Of course, right around then I realized that the bits of waffle I''d saved for myself had been stolen away by a certain Menace, who sat there snickering. "Siwwy Mama."


    I rolled my eyes and laughed. I''m not sure if I really needed food as such any more, so I ate mostly for the taste, and I''d definitely gotten plenty of that from sampling Saffron, so I wasn''t any kind of pissed with our advanced crotch goblin. I mean, I still snagged her up and raspberried her belly until she squealed, but that''s just what you do, right?


    Once we finished breakfast, just before I stepped Marie and I down to the Black Dragon to begin our day of overwatch, Saffron grabbed my hand and the Menace and Co-Located us all to the Advanced Healing Studies classroom, the three of us in our Academy Uniforms. I blinked and looked up at the Docs and Sister Siobhan, then back down at Saffron. I leaned down to her ear and whispered, "Dafuq?"


    Keeping her voice low as she released Menace with a little butt-shove to propel her toward Doc Z, she whispered back, "what''s wrong, Goof?"


    "Uh... didn''t we do this just yesterday?" I pulled back just a little and frowned. "Didn''t I tell you no time shenanigans without checking with me first?"


    She chuckled, low and throaty, and pulled me back down. "No shenanigans, love. With all the professors capable of teaching Smite currently in this room, the class has become surprisingly popular, so a Saturnday section was added this Season."


    "Nobody said nothin'' yesterday when we showed though?"


    Another chuckle, and with her pressed close to whisper, this one vibrated through me in very distracting ways. Probably on purpose, because my Kitten be like that. I stepped the pair of Marie and I still in Lancaster down to the Black Dragon''s mast, then focused back on Saffron as she said, "love, you are the Champion of the Alliance. If you choose to show up to a class, any class, and soon I''ll bet at any Academy, I doubt any professor will do more than ask you not to encourage the disruptive elements too much."


    I sighed, frowned, and pulled her to me as we sat. "Dammit. I don''t want to bully people like that," I muttered.


    The next moment the two of us sat on the end of the bed in the Love Shack. She flipped around and straddled me, putting her arms around my neck, commanding every ounce of my attention. "You are not bullying people, Goof."


    "Pfft. I''m walking in wherever I like and nobody can say anything about it? How the fuck is that not bullying people? How is that not me being Queen of Shit Pyramid?"


    She laughed, and I tensed. "Goof. Love. Lover. Wife. Tabitha. You... you still don''t get it, do you?"


    Frowning, because I''ve got thick skin, but she''s more or less permanently under it, and nobody likes being laughed at, I muttered, "yeah. I''m just a big idiot who doesn''t get anything."


    She sighed and leaned forward until our foreheads touched. "Do you remember the mural, love?"


    I blushed a little at that. "Yeah?" Then I thought about my old Philly and snarked, "lemme guess, it''s been vandalized?"


    She definitely looked like she felt some kinda way about even the suggestion it had been. "No. Not only no, but I suspect ''hell no'', and ''no one is that stupid, not even suicidal people''. My Goddess, were you not Mimic Reborn? By this point I suspect you would still be a Goddess in truth, not just in the minds of your people."


    "My people?"


    She nodded. "Do you know what you did yesterday with Olga?"


    "Oh, shit. You saw that?"


    She chuckled against me again. "My beloved Mimic Reborn threatening to Just Happen in an explosively fatal manner to someone? I wouldn''t miss that for the world, and I say that having been handed large portions of the world already."


    I sighed. I''d hoped she hadn''t seen that; I still wasn''t entirely copacetic about it. "Marie tell you?"


    Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.


    "I heard Conrad''s Workshop moving."


    "Yeah. Well. I''m not real proud of threatening to rape someone to death, Kitten."


    She pulled me to her, quietly saying, "is that what you think you did?"


    "Pretty sure I was right there doing it. Fuck! I do not want to be Shit Queen of Shit Pyramid."


    She shook her head, her hair brushing around my face. "Love, you weren''t paying much attention to her, were you?"


    "Kinda staring at her when I did it. Can we drop this?"


    She gripped the hair on the back of my head, pulled me back, and said, "No. No, I don''t think so. Definitely not if you''re that twisted around about how you''re thinking about yourself."


    "Okay, genius, tell me what I did, then, if I didn''t threaten to kill her?"


    Saffron sighed. "Oh, you did that. Everyone saw you. You threatened to kill her, and if in that moment you''d have asked her for her permission to do so exactly as you''d said? She would have granted it willingly. Eagerly."


    I shook my head. "Dafuq? Am I in a world exclusively populated by crazy people or some shit?"


    "I mean, you live here, so..." She giggled, then shook her head, "I''m sorry, love. I''m so sorry. You''re upset, I shouldn''t tease you, but with you indulging me so much lately I could not help myself. That fruit hung too low and looked far too sweet for me to resist."


    I folded my arms behind her back, because I couldn''t fit them between us, and pouted. Mostly because I couldn''t really fold them well with my arms behind her back, even with our tits kinda stacked atop one another instead of mashed together. "It''s fine."


    She sighed. "No. No, it''s really not. But I apologize. Sincerely." She waited a moment, then hugged me, shrugged, and continued. Her shrug did interesting things in the region of her chest and my mouth, which shut down my instinctive need to argue with her for the moment. "Love, you are frightening, and you do intimidate those who would stand against you."


    "Yeah, I fuckin'' scare..."


    "Do shut up?" My jaw dropped, and I looked up at her. "Sorry, but..." She kissed me. Once she''d cleaned my tonsils to her satisfaction, she sat back up and said, "again, sorry about the interruption, but like I said, you''ve been indulging me. I''d say ''too much'', but then you might stop."


    "Should I?"


    She bit her lip, and I waited until she blurted out, "Probably please don''t?" all as one word. Then she sighed and continued. "Love, you scare those who stand against you, but you''ve now been seen by almost every person in the Alliance. Those who might have missed you previously saw you at my birthday celebrations." She stopped and chuckled ruefully. "I''d been trying to think of a way to celebrate you, since unless I miss my guess, it''s been almost a year since you arrived here, but..."


    "Oh, yeah. Like, one year exactly. Your birthday was my three hundred and sixty fifth day here and now."


    She froze. "Tabitha?"


    "Yeah?"


    "Are you going to stop indulging me?"


    I shrugged. "Meh. I''ll probably find something to tell you ''no'' about out of spite, because I''m still cranky about you laughing at me, but in general? I like indulging you almost as much as you like it when I do. Maybe mo..."


    She hit me like a goddamned avalanche, and there was no talking for a while.


    We lay there after with me playing with the various bits and bobs of Glowing Midnight''s lingerie, which Saffron had bopped onto me at some point in the midst of our revelry. "Okay, I am confusion."


    She slid one finger along my jaw, collecting sweat, then sucked it off her finger. "This is different from normal how?"


    "De-confuse me, please?"


    She pondered a moment. "I can''t tell if I want you to command me or not."


    "Please do it without?"


    She smiled at me, like the sun coming out from behind clouds. "Of course, love. What''s confusing you?"


    "Uh, let''s go in reverse order. Not complaining, but what turned your horny meter to eleven?"


    She giggled. "Oh, no, I''m pretty sure that was fifteen." At my even more confused look, she whispered, suddenly uncertain. "Do you mind being my present?"


    I rolled my eyes, "you mean two years running?"


    "Oh. Uh... do you?"


    I pulled her down and kissed her until she melted against me. "I loved every moment of it."


    "Liar. You were terrified in that box."


    I smiled at her. "Yeah. Also low key kinda thrilled hoping you''d react the way you did."


    "Did I? React the way you hoped?"


    "Nah. Your reaction was better than anything I''d dreamed of." I stretched, enjoying how the kinks popped as I did, enjoying the look on her face even more. "Now. Olga. Explain."


    She caught on to the fact that Happy Brain Chemicals or not, I wasn''t joking, nor copacetic about how I''d threatened Olga. She nodded, then twisted around to sit tailor fashion beside me. "You intimidate your enemies, please don''t interrupt, but the vast bulk of the Alliance does not see you as an enemy. As far from it as possible, really. You are their protector. Their Champion. Their own personal Demigoddess of Victory." She paused, giggling a little. I smiled myself at the joke that I was, as the Avatar of a Goddess of Trickery, somehow passing myself off as an entirely different kind of Goddess.


    "Yeah, that''s pretty funny. But go on."


    She nodded, sighed, and squared her shoulders. "The world you came from has, in some ways, in some places, moved past this, but... you remember Hilde''s response to you?" I frowned. "Love, listen before you stop listening." That put a tiny smile on my lips, just like she''d intended. "Good. Please, stop thinking of it as ''the powerful taking from the weak''. Or rather, understand that it''s more than that. For many in the world, the only thing they have that the wealthy and powerful do not is themselves. The most precious gift they can give? Is the thing you value so, so much. So much that you have, in fact, stolen Dionysus'' favorite Maenad from him in part from your obdurate need for it."


    "Consent?"


    She nodded. "Consent. Enthusiastic, Joyous, eager, passionate Consent. I... I cannot feel the way you do about it when it comes to someone like Hilde." When I frowned up at her, she hurried to explain. "Intellectually I do; she is powerless, so much so that her Consent is irrelevant, which means you won''t accept it even if she throws it at you the way she has. But here," she placed a hand on her belly, "I do not feel the lack of response you do."


    I sighed, "I get the same response you do a little lower, but my gut? Gets a little bit vomity at the thought of..."


    She nodded. "I understand. I do. I don''t feel that revulsion, but I understand it. I can even agree with it, in concept. Which is why I asked you to hide her from me, so that I might husband my self-control, saving it for not throttling Ophelia Orange."


    I frowned. "She getting on your nerves again?"


    She sighed. "Not in any actionable way. She''s committed no crimes, nor has she meaningfully contributed to the privation or harm of any of your people. But oh, My Goddess, does she piss me off. On the regular, as you would say."


    I shrugged. "I could murder her to death a little bit for you. Wouldn''t be the worst thing I''ve ever... OW!" That last came out in response to her slapping me on the tit, hard.


    "Do. Not. You have done nothing wrong. Even in your threat to Olga yesterday."


    I shook my head. "Yeah, explain that one to me?"


    She nodded. "You understand, at least intellectually, that like anyone else in the Alliance, she would consent eagerly should you ask?"


    "I''m not that hot, Kitten?"


    "Agree to disagree."


    I laughed. "Okay, but like, plenty of them are gay men. Hell, even more of the women are straight."


    "So''s spaghetti until it gets wet."


    That one always got me. I spluttered out some half words through my laughter until I managed to say, "Okay, maybe some of them are a little closeted, but it''s not any better to say somebody''s homo when they''re hetero than it is the other way around."


    "Oh. No." Suddenly total boy mode Saffron sat in front of me. Looking strong as fuck, but still pretty. Still short. Yep, I needed to get me some cock before I Just Happened to some random dude on the street. Or, worse, somebody like fuckin'' Larry. Oh, shit, no, no, no, I did not want thoughts of Larry fuckin'' Lancaster in any way associated with fuckin''.


    Fuck. Too late.


    Saffron reached out and took me by the chin. "Oh. No. Champion, please, I am only attracted to men, take me as one?"


    Doing that thing she''d done before, she reached out and shapeshifted me, and I blinked at a sudden shift in weight from upper torso to lower down. "Uh... I''m really not sure about doing... uh.. what''s the term? Patroc things at the moment?"


    The Grin looked fuckin'' hot as shit on boy Saffron. "Are you telling me you don''t know how to handle a dick?"


    "Uh... more like I don''t know how to use one?"


    She laughed, and a moment later we both had our normal plumbing and accoutrements. I grabbed mine, then hers, then sighed. "Oh, good. I''d miss those if they were gone for good."


    "You realize if you really do intend to sire children on me you''ll need to correct that deficiency? About not knowing how to use one? Or..." she frowned. "Are you not willing to do that? I''m sure we could figure something else out if so."


    I shook my head. "Nah. Not that. Just not... not right now? Not while we''ve got that convo hanging over us?"


    "Oh. OH! Well, there it is then. Olga would say yes if you asked."


    "I didn''t ask her if I could fuck her. I threatened to fuck her to death. Not the same, Kitten."


    "Not exactly correct either."


    "HOW?" I definitely did not grok her in that moment, and it bugged the shit out of me that she agreed with Her Dark Fatassness on the matter of explodey tentacle sex. "Explain. Small words."


    She sighed, closed her eyes, then opened them and lay a finger across my lips. "You Hero. You Queen. You say, ''if you hurt mine, you die to make me come''. She say, ''you Queen. Your word law. Me yours, all ways, kill me that way if I do bad thing." She paused, then shrugged. "She say, ''you Queen, you Hero, take life if want, I glad to die for you."


    I lay there, torn between laughing, crying, and yelling at her. Eventually I sighed, then chuckled. "You are a complete smart ass."


    "Takes one to know one. Besides, all of me is smart, of course my ass is."


    I pulled her over by said ass and lay my head in her lap. "I... I don''t get it. But!" I interrupted her interruption. "Just like you with Hilde? I''ll go with what you say. I... I don''t feel it. I can''t see how so many people would feel that way about... about..." I waved at my absolute territory; even there scars made a fuckin'' roadmap out of my skin. "this."


    Brushing my hair back from my face, Saffron said, "I look at you and I see the most beautiful woman in the world. Maybe I still see you the way you were before the scars. Maybe the scars are just part of you, and it''s you that are beautiful to me, regardless of your present shell. But most of them? They don''t see," she waved her hand across me, then dragged it back along my skin. "This. They don''t really see you, and while I understand that might be important to you, it''s equally important that you understand what they do see."


    "What''s that then?"


    "Safety. Prosperity. Care. You threatened to end your strongest ally should she knowingly harm even one of them. You are the Alliance''s Champion, love. Their Champion. Their protector. Their Hero. They do not see your beauty, they see your strength, your power, and most of all? Your love. And for that last? Almost any of them would gladly give themselves to you as a reward."


    I frowned, actively searching at this point for something to be grumpy about, because I still had kind of a mad on. "Yeah, some of them are married and shit."


    Suddenly I was bracketed by Saffrons, who chorused, "oh, Hero, we love you, but please, we are joined as spouses, do not separate us, but take us both as a set."


    What the fuck else was I supposed to do except comply at that point?


    As we lay there after, that little bit of irked trickled back into my brain, and I said, "still mad. Penance. Ready?"


    She smiled at me. "Command me, My Goddess."


    "Tonight after dark you''re coming down and putting up that little privacy bubble around the mast."


    Her eyes danced with mischief. "As My Goddess wishes."


    "And then?" She looked up, waiting. "You go home and give Marie and I some privacy. No watching for naughty Kittens who laugh at me."


    She looked so crestfallen I almost relented right then and there, but whispered, "as My Goddess wishes."


    I couldn''t leave her sad, though. I just couldn''t. I rolled over her and braced myself above her. "You feelin'' eggy?" When she frowned in confusion, I said, "are your fields fertile, ready to be plowed?" When she paused, I switched back to the boy mode she''d put me in earlier and whispered down. "I won''t figure this thing out unless I practice a little, right?"


    She got super ultra pouty at that point. I had no idea why until she said, "we are not in any way ready for me to be pregnant at the moment, and my ''fields'' are far too fertile right now to risk what you''re suggesting." Then she reminded me that she was, in fact, way stronger than she looked when she flipped me over on my back. "On the other hand, as a wise woman once told me, you can''t get pregnant by swallowing."


    Yeah. Definitely an experience I hadn''t had before. Still not sure how I felt about it. Okay, really not sure how I felt about both of us lying there purring afterward, especially with Doc Glass looking at us in the back of the class like he knew exactly what we''d been up to while we sat in the back of the class and pretended to be bobblehead dolls.


    At the end of the day, Saffron showed up atop the mast, popped up our little privacy bowl, and disappeared.


    On the one hand, I felt like a complete pushover when thirty seconds later I pulled back from Marie just far enough to breathe, "just a second," then stepped to Saffron''s side where she sat listlessly poking at her coding windows.


    On the other hand? I could not give a single fuck about anything else other than the look of gleeful, mouth full of sugar joy on her face when I said, "you can watch."

 Day Three Hundred And Seventy-Two

    Dear Diary,


    "It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone''s fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I''m one of Us. I must be. I''ve certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We''re always one of Us. It''s Them that do the bad things."


    - Terry Pratchett Jingo


    Yeah, that''s some shit I really think I need to internalize, not to mention getting my assorted followers to really grok that. I think they''re all beginning to get that I''m doing my best to see people as people, not as, like, parts of some monolithic whole. Yeah, the Jarls and Karls in Norfolk have a shit ton of fuckery to make up for, but they were all raised to think that shit was just, I dunno, the way the world worked or some shit. Hell, looking at Lancaster, at Norfolk, at how Oliver was in charge when Ophelia''s loads smarter than him, and Ora''s just clearly the best human being in that family? I guess that''s really how this fuckin'' world does work.


    Not surprising, what with the current fucker sitting atop the tallest part of Shit Pyramid is fuckin'' Zeus.


    Deep breaths, do what I can when I can for who I can. Do the best I can for my people. Expand that as fast and hard as I can without fucking over the ones I''m already responsible for.


    Yeah, after listening to Kitten trying ever so carefully to avoid commenting about Marie and I last night, like she figured I might shut her out if she reminded me she was watching, it hit different when Murder Mittens and I stepped back to the bedroom and snuggled around her like a shared body pillow. I think all three of us slept well.


    Mimic danced with her Kraken through the entire length and breadth of the Bay. Nobody but chibi sous chefs on dinner duty, and they just kinda lemminged it up, shrimp in hand.


    I woke up a little early, maybe a little sore still from being bisected so many times on Saturday, but otherwise well rested. Suspicious about something, I reached over and ran my hand along Marie''s jaw. She purred, and I whispered, "you awake?"


    Without opening her eyes, she replied, "Now."


    My hand cupping the side of her face I said, "You slept with us." She nodded, and I asked, "all of you?"


    "Only."


    That one word froze me in place. Her purring melted me enough to ask, "why here?"


    She nodded toward the door and said, "New."


    I looked up, only just realizing that the door to the living room had acquired a new handle at some point. I Co-Located over to it to get a good look. It took me a moment to realize it bore a striking resemblance to the circular handles on the bulkhead doors on the Black Dragon. Only, y''know, decorated and shit. Fancy-like. I thought for a minute what Black Dragon would look like if I''d taken the time in M-Space to pimp her out. Probably for the best I didn''t, what with it being the middle of a big mothering battle and all. Also, she''s kinda like me. Built for ass kickery. You put me in something simple like The Dress and I can pull it off okay, not least of all because it looks like you could pull it off pretty easy, and getting it off easy isn''t untrue for her or me. You put a few nice long bits of bunting on Black Dragon, she could look pretty festive, but gilding and shit would look like me in lingerie.


    No idea why Saffron did that yesterday. I didn''t mind exactly, but it left me confused.


    In an effort to reduce my overall confusion levels, I took a solid grip on the handle and turned. It slid with the kind of smooth action you''d expect from brand new, well made machinery, circling like four times before it stopped with a dull clunk. I tugged gently at the door, but it still didn''t move until I turned the regular handle and opened it. The far side of the door had a glaring lack of wheel, just the normal handle. Checking the side of the door showed me the normal little nub that the regular handle controlled, along with the ends of three three quarter inch thick oblong bars. When I turned the wheel, surprisingly hard to do one handed, they slid out maybe half an inch before I heard a clunk from the hinge side of the door and from the floor. I turned it back in, closed the door, spun the new wheel the other direction until it clunked, then collapsed back to the me still snuggled with Wifey OG and Wifey Two, Alcoholic Boogaloo.


    On the one hand, I had to get her good and married, because I didn''t want to keep comments like that inside my head. On the other hand, I sure as shit did not want to rush anything even a little bit. I''m a Primordial, she''s a Demigoddess, aging can go fuck itself, we''ve got fuckin'' time.


    I tried really hard not to think about Saffron aging at that point. Fuck it, if she dies of old age, Marie shreds her or some shit, and she gets to be a Maenad with us for eternity.


    I looked across at Marie and all that washed out of my head when I thought about her sleeping, actually down to one individual her and sleeping in our room with us. I mean, she''d done it before when she couldn''t actually Co-Locate and be awake and asleep at the same time, but still. Warm fuzzies and fuzzy warms. "Damn. That''s new. Who put it in?"


    "Who do you think?" murmured Saffron from between us. Okay, it came out as a bit of a mumble, but with her mumbling directly into my chest I caught the meaning anyhow.


    I pulled away just the tiniest bit so I could maybe see her face and said, "Nice work! Uh, why won''t they come out when the door''s open?"


    She nuzzled right the fuck back into me, muttering, "stahp. Cold. Three left, three right, two up, two down."


    I decided she deserved all the snuggle in the world for giving Marie a place she felt safe enough to sleep with us. I reached over her to Marie and pulled her closer, squishing sandwiched Saffron between us. Both of them purred at me. I might have responded in kind. "Is that some kind of code?"


    "Brs," she mumbled into my tits, kinda doing the spluttery bit of motorboating me without the head wobble.


    She sounded tired. I pulled out my Mom voice and asked, "Were you up coding last night, Kitten?"


    I felt her face warm against me. "No."


    "Really?"


    "Your fault."


    That got me. I blurted out, "my fault you stayed up coding? How?"


    She shook her head, completing the motorboat effect a little late. "Not coding. Both of you. Couldn''t sleep."


    It took me a second, then I chuckled. "Self administered soporific, huh? How late were you up?"


    "Late."


    I chuckled. "Okay then. You should get a nap today." Consider yourself commandmented.


    This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.


    "Why?"


    I kissed the top of her head, then looked up at Marie, "because our lovely wife-to-be asked for a turn with you, and she''ll deserve a little treat after watching Norfolk solo today. Sorry, Mittens, I need some work done today."


    Marie reached up, flicked me on the forehead, and said, "Welcome." in the tone of voice that let me know on no uncertain terms that my apology was in fact not accepted, because I was in fact welcome to have her stand in for me whenever I needed. Which she''d told me out loud before, but I think I need any bit of information smacked into my head with a Marie flick if it''s gonna stay there.


    Small, sharp teeth took a firm, ''if you answer poorly, you may lose this'' grip on one of my nips. I''m a ''little'' treat now, am I?


    Uh... good things come in small packages?


    She giggled, which did very exciting things to the nip she gripped. So you agree that you''re good?


    I said in, not on or with or because of.


    I felt her lips curl up into the Grin. Then she shot me an image of the bottom of my chin, no tits blocking the view despite the distance. So you''re good as of yesterday, then?


    I snorted, snickered, then endangered my nipple by busting out laughing. Not even able to form coherent words, I sent her an image of tipping over the black King from a chess set.


    Of course my laughing wound up waking every kid in the place. It felt really good to see how many of them woke up smiling, and extra good when one of the smiling ones crawled up behind Marie, glomped the back of her head, and murmured, "mama."


    When I got my giggles under control I reached out and put one finger on the back of the little one''s glomping hand. Speaking softly and slowly, I said, "Good morning, kiddo. What''s your name?"


    She buried her head into Marie''s hair and, when Marie nodded, squeaked out something too muffled for me to properly hear more than two syllables with an ''ee'' sound at the end. I looked at Marie and raised an eyebrow. Lindsey.


    "It''s good to meet you, Lindsey. So... Marie is your mama?" Lindsey jerked her little blonde head in the world''s smallest nod, and keeping my voice soft but serious I said, "Lindsey?" When she looked up just enough I could see her eyes, I asked, "how would you feel about me marrying your mama, Lindsey?"


    Her little brow furrowed, and she lifted her mouth enough to squeak out, "marry?"


    I nodded, thinking about it from her perspective. "That would make me your mama too. So you''d have two mamas."


    "Three," came Saffron''s voice from between us. If you say two and a half, I will bite you.


    Hush, cranky Kitten. "True, three, because Saffron," I nodded down at her, "wants to marry your mama Marie too."


    As Lindsey thought about that, I scanned the horde hoard, clocking three of the kids paying very close attention to our conversation. I''d kinda hoped to get all of them, but four out of five wasn''t bad. Lindsey shrank back behind Marie until Menace knelt behind her, glomping her and saying, "Mama''s a good mama. Tough. Strong. Keeps you safe."


    Lindsey pouted at Isnomi. "My mama tougher."


    Before the impending ''my mama can beat up your mama'' argument flared further, Marie shut it down with a simple, "No."


    Lindsey looked at me with wonder in her eyes. "No?"


    "No."


    The little one scrunched down until only her eyes poked out over Marie''s head, but she squeaked out, "tay."


    Still maintaining my serious expression, I asked, "so I have your permission to marry your mama?" At her tiny nod, I sighed in exaggerated relief and said, "thanks. I couldn''t marry her if you didn''t approve, after all."


    That got ''em. The three I''d spotted earlier came charging over, the biggest one, a boyish kid maybe as big as Menace at her biggest, barked out, "she''s my..." the girly one next to him elbowed him, "our mama too!"


    I carefully pulled myself up and around into a half tailor seat, one leg straight to let Saffron keep her head pillowed on my thigh. I sighed, nodded, and said, "well then." I reached out a hand. "I''m Tabitha. What are your names?"


    The boyish one looked at my hand like a snake, but after a moment to build courage, grabbed it and shook. "Alex."


    I nodded. "Good to meet you, Alex." I turned to the girly one and held out my hand.


    She kind of plucked at it and waggled, then whispered, "David." Okay, so maybe he not she.


    The third one had toddled along behind the other two. Where Alex and David were both as dark as most of the Bag I''d met, the third one was a sort of dark strawberry blonde. They didn''t say anything, just holding out a hand, which I took and gently pumped once. I didn''t say anything when they clung to my index finger when I let go. Alex said, "that''s Daya. They don''t talk... since..."


    "That''s fine. It''s good to meet you, Daya."


    With Daya still clinging to my finger, I said, "so, may I have your permission to marry your mama?"


    David nodded, but Alex said, "I dunno..."


    Right about then Menace reinforced her name by chiming in, "Mama lets me fly!"


    That got all of them looking at me, then Menace, then me again. Alex''s jaw dropped open, while David looked a bit skeptical. Daya just gripped my finger tighter. Before they could say anything, Saffron pushed herself upright and said, "before anyone does anything at all flight related, it is time for toilet and bath for everyone."


    That got far fewer complaints than I expected, and if I wound up walking slow and a little bent over escorting Daya into the bathroom, I wasn''t about to complain. Alex and Isnomi dickered back and forth about the pros and cons of having me as a mama right up until Alex went under the towel while Daya clung to my leg. I don''t know how, but apparently the entire ''marry, new mama'' discussion had knocked the fact that I was in fact The Towel Lady out of his head, because once I had him all warm and dry he turned to me and said, "okay."


    "Thank you, Alex."


    Right about then I heard David''s quiet, "you can be my mama." I turned to see him with one hand on Saffron''s shoulder in the tub, keeping himself balanced while she scrubbed his hair.


    "You know we''re a package deal, right?"


    When Saffron asked that, David looked over at me, frowned, looked a little pouty, but said, "okay."


    I waited until the entire posse and the horde hoard save Daya had gotten through the bath, at which point she held her hands up to me. I picked her up and walked her over to the tub. When I went to set her in, she clung to me, so I shrugged and climbed in. I held her while Saffron scrubbed her down, then stood her beside the tub and toweled her dry kneeling in the soapy water. When she stood there, clean, dry, and bundled in the warm towel, she looked at me, nodded once, then scampered off toward Marie.


    Running a sudsy cloth over me in a way that would not have gone unremarked or unresponded to if we''d been alone, Saffron murmured, "well done, love. So, shall we begin planning our conquest of Maenad Maid Marie?"


    I shook my head just enough for her to catch it, then replied just as quietly. "One more, Kitten. No idea which one."


    "So thorough."


    I shrugged. "I just... I just want everything to be perfect. As perfect as I can make it."


    She pouted but said, "which can be quite perfect indeed."


    "What''s wrong, Kitten?"


    She sighed, but the pout didn''t quite go away. "I think I begin to understand what you said about rushing."


    "Disappointed? Jealous?"


    She shook her head. "Envious, maybe. Not disappointed in our marriage in the slightest. Perhaps a little in our actual wedding."


    I waggled my eyebrows and licked my lips. "It seemed like you liked it at the time."


    She squeezed the washcloth over my face, laughing. "Not the consummation, you utter Goof. That part was amazing." She shook her head. "No, I meant the ceremony."


    I snorted water out of my nose. "Ceremony? We didn''t even really have one of those. Which means you can absolutely have anything you want at our renewal of vows."


    She leaned in to scrub my back and whispered, "even you, right there on the altar?"


    My face got kinda warm what with the last few kids still trailing out into the bedroom, headed for breakfast. "I''m game if you are."


    She smiled into my neck as she scrubbed and murmured, "even if I want Skasn to prepare you for me?"


    I pulled back a little, or tried to, since she just slopped around in the soapy suds on my front. "The fuck? What, are you planning on climbing in and wearing me like a suit of armor or some shit?"


    She flopped back into the water, laughing her curvy little ass off. "Sorry. Sorry. Wanted to see if I could get you to tell me no."


    I covered my smile with a fake pout, crossing my arms in front of me. "I said you could have anything. Didn''t think you''d go there."


    "Well, now that I know your boundaries, I will certainly honor them, my love."


    I scooped her up, enjoying exactly how slippery the soap made her, pressing her against me so close our noses touched. "I didn''t say no, Kitten. For our Renewal? For you? Anything."


    She kissed me. When we came up for air, she sighed. "Time to get some breakfast in you before you head to Loki''s."


    I grinned at her. "You could get something else in me first."


    That got a laugh out of her again. "I''ve some ideas on that, love. But not today. I''ve an assignation tonight, if you''ll remember."


    "Pfft. Like this would stop that."


    She shook her head. "Mustn''t risk it. We''ve a Maenad to marry, after all."


    I threw one soap covered arm over my forehead, "oh, the sacrifices I make for love."


    She dumped a kettle of scalding water over my head and said, "I think you mean lust, do you not?"


    Shaking the water out of my hair and eyes, laughing as she spluttered, I said, "nah. That''s just a hobby." Then I scooped her up and kissed her. "Love''s important."

 Day Three Hundred And Seventy-Three

    Dear Diary,


    "Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own."


    - Aristotle


    Excuse me sir, and please understand I say this with the deepest of respect for your contribution to the sciences, but fuck that noise, and unfuck you of all the fucks you''ve ever given or gotten for good measure. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Isnomi was not a child of my body on the Autumn Equinox, and I knowingly, premeditatedly destroyed a bitch''s soul to save her. Yes, I understand that in doing so she wound up as much my kid as Saffron''s, but I didn''t even know that shit would happen at the time. I sure as shit didn''t do it for that reason. I did it because she was, in every way that mattered to me, my kid. Not in the sense of her being a possession, either, but in the sense of being my responsibility, my duty, my obligation, my joy, my tiny daily ray of sunshine in what seemed even then like kind of a crapsack world.


    So yesterday I spent the day with dear old dad. Kinda funny, actually; he took one look at me once he had me on the table and said, "Tabitha, I must inquire, how the fuck?"


    His hands shifted something around my general waist region, and as things crackled I moaned at the cessation of constant nagging pain. "Whut?"


    He kept working, but asked, "what did you do to yourself. If I didn''t know any better, I''d think you''d somehow gotten yourself cut in half." I lost a while to inarticulate noises as things snapped back into place like overstressed rubber bands, then pulled back taut as he kept working. "Tabitha?"


    "Oh. Yeah. Uh, four... no, five? Five times? Maybe six. I don''t remember if that fuckin'' Hole Spawn cut me in half before nomming my head." I meant to shit talk about the Hole Spawn some more, but Loki pressed my fuckin'' spine back into place, and my vocabulary devolved to grunts and groans. I think I caught the edges of him shaking his head, but I couldn''t be fucking bothered to move my blessed eyeballs, let alone my neck or anything else that might let me see something other than the section of table I''d wound up staring at.


    Got home in the evening, only to have Murder Mittens scoop me up, cart me off to the mast of the Black Dragon, and prop me up in our little black bowl under the stars. On the one hand, definitely frustrating to be more or less paralyzed while watching the two of them doing cirque du soleil shit. On the other hand, hell of a view, hell of a show, eleven out of ten, would watch again.


    Flopped into bed, the other two using me like a body pillow. Shortly thereafter both of them were snoring the sleep of the deservedly exhausted, and I sort of watched, but mostly listened to the Brownian motion of the little ones gradually snuggling their little sub-piles into the big pile around us. I figured there was a nonzero chance that at some point I''d wind up getting buried under a pile of little kids and suffocated or some shit like that, but honestly? After spending days underwater, I was pretty sure I could survive a night buried under our babies.


    Some of them weren''t really babies, I know, but my instincts were absolutely screaming ''do a Protecc!'' any time any of them made distressed nightmare noises. It definitely made me feel all warm and fuzzy when I realized those noises were almost always followed by a little charcoal shadow and purring, followed by a cessation of weeping. "That''s my girl," I whispered.


    Later, although I''m not sure how much later, what with the complete lack of windows in the room, I heard something from the bathroom. Whatever it was had to be pretty loud, since I heard it through the door. Not fuckin'' likely I''d hear it through the walls, what with them being solid stone as far as I could tell. I wobbled just enough to Co-Locate to the far side of the door, leaning against it. I didn''t see anybody, but the tub was full almost to overflowing, and the water steamed. It looked really good what with my whole body feeling that ''recovering from working out'' soreness, so I more or less fell forward into a Translocation into the tub. The water was absolutely as hot as it looked, and if it scalded my skin a little, it felt heavenly as it soaked into my muscles.


    I lay there, my nostrils the only bit of me poking out of the water, every bit of me from my muscles to my hair gradually relaxing and giving up to the heat and support of the water. I didn''t even notice when I sank just a bit, my nose going under. Or when I sank a little more, the weight of my hair pulling me down. If I didn''t fall asleep, I wasn''t gonna drown, and if I did fall asleep, I''d just collapse back to the me in the living plushie pile.


    I almost didn''t notice when a pair of tiny hands pushed down on my chest. I couldn''t quite understand what was happening until my back hit the bottom of the tub, and a few bubbles of air tickled as they slipped out of my nose. I opened my eyes and looked up into wide, dark eyes in a face so pale it seemed almost translucent. Okay, it seemed that way in the flickering light of the fire that warmed the tub, in wireframe the kid looked small and youngish. They shoved down on my chest hard enough to push themselves up through the water, and panic entered their eyes when the back of their head breached the surface. Moving slowly, because my brain hadn''t really registered any danger, and I didn''t want to hurt some misguided kid, I slipped my hands around their wrists, then said, "are you done yet?"


    Okay, I''m sure they couldn''t tell what I said, what with there just being bubbles and blorping, but they jerked backward, pulling me up until my face came out of the water. They flopped backward, their ass landing right about waist height on me, shoving me into a sitting position. They struggled silently, then went limp, staring hatred at me. "Did you draw this bath for me?"


    "I won''t let you take another one!" she hissed. Her accent was really weird; it reminded me of something, but I had no idea what.


    "Another what?"


    She looked away. "You killed them."


    I couldn''t really shrug, but I twitched my shoulders. "Maybe. I''ve killed a lot of people. I feel bad about some of them. Most of them, really, since most of them were at the Battle of the Walls. Who are you talking about?"


    "Mama. Papa."


    "Okay, I''m gonna guess you mean your mama and papa?" She shot me a look that said, ''duh'' louder than words. "Where are you from?"


    "Rich Man''s Port."


    I blinked at that. "Uh, I hate to tell you this, but I''ve never been there. You sure you got the right killer?"


    "Papa fought for money."


    I put pieces together. "So your dad was a mercenary. For Calverton?" The kid nodded. "What did your mom do?"


    "Hunted."


    "Okay, she hunted. What did she hunt?"


    They frowned. "She hunted."


    "Okay then. Your mom was a huntress." They nodded at that, decisively, like they''d been looking for that word. "Did she hunt for Calverton?"


    The kid shook their head. "Phileo."


    That threw me a little. "Your dad fought for Calverton and your mom hunted for Phileo. Who did you live with?"


    "Papa."


    I nodded. "So I get how I would have killed your Dad, if he was one of the ones Garland sent to kill me. Poor bastard, dying for money he never got to collect."


    The kid shook their head. "No. Revenge. You killed mama."


    I frowned. "Dafuq?"


    "Garland said you killed mama in the Temple of the Moon. That made papa mad, and then you killed him too."


    Things clicked into place, and my stomach clenched. "Ah. Shit. Do you remember what your mama looked like?" They gave me another ''duh'' look, and I shapeshifted to match my best memory of Artemis'' High Priestess. "Did she look like this?"


    I didn''t need an answer. The kid''s eyes shot wide, they mouthed the word, ''mama'', and then they broke down entirely. First they struggled to get away, then collapsed into me. I forced recalcitrant limbs to work despite the screaming pain it took to do so, and I pulled the girl to me, holding her while she quietly sobbed and beat her fists against me.


    "Fuck, I''m sorry, kid. I''m sorry I killed your mom and dad." I sighed, holding back any number of comments about how much of a bitch her mom had been as I shifted back to myself. "Garland was a grade A asshole. He lied to a lot of people, threw them at me because he was too much of a fuckin'' coward to come straight at me himself. He got a lot of people sick down in Calverton, too." I stopped. Beyond ''Garland was an asshole who hid behind your dad and got him killed'', I''m sure she gave no fucks about that. "Your mom, though. She... Do you know Isnomi?"


    If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it.


    She looked at me with the first emotion that wasn''t hate or fear, nodding curiously.


    "Yeah, she''s my daughter. Saffron and mine. Your mom... your mom stole her. Sacrificed her to Artemis." I took a deep breath. Fuck it, little kid took priority over dumb shit like ''admitting guilt to capital crimes''. "I killed her to bring Isnomi back."


    The kid whispered, "lies."


    I shook my head. "Ask Isnomi if you don''t believe me."


    The girl shook her head. "she''s just a little kid. A baby back then. She wouldn''t know. Just what you told her."


    I blinked at that. "How old are you again?"


    "Six." Really fuckin'' small six year old, but I''d bet Saffron hadn''t been much bigger.


    "Okay, miss six years old. What''s your name?" She clamped her lips together, but I shot her a ''really?'' look, making a point of nodding at how I had her kinda clamped into my arms.


    "Maze."


    I nodded. "Okay, Maze. So you think Isnomi wouldn''t remember. Your mom''s dead. You won''t believe me, or I''m guessing any of my friends who were there?" She shook her head. I sighed. "Even the ones who I had to cut my way through to get to Isnomi?" She shook her head again. "Fine."


    I held her still, Shaped Mana, and forced it into the surface of the water we sat in. I focused the Scry on the smell of the water, the child, the stone, the room itself. It focused on a veiled woman in widow''s weeds sitting in a tiny alcove on a mountainside. "Yo! Artemis!" She jerked, looked up to the focus of my Scrying, tensed as if to run. "Run and I get pissed and hunt you down." She slumped, what looked suspiciously like a single sob shaking her. "Here. Now."


    She shuddered and looked up at me. "Why ought I not run if you would kill me anyway?"


    I growled out, "because if you piss me off, I will ask Mother Domnu for advice on how to keep you alive as long and as painfully as possible." She whimpered, and I reiterated. "Here. Now."


    She twitched, like she was arguing with herself. "Artemis the She-Bear, a third time I tell you. Here. Now."


    She stood, slowly, tears dripping from her chin beneath the veil. "It will take time."


    "Fuck." I reached out beside the tub, Co-Located to stand beside her, grabbed her hand, and collapsed us both back to Lancaster House. She stood there, frozen in terror. Even so, a palpable aura of wild things spread through the room. I swear to fuck that Maze sprouted a full on tail, and ears popped out the top of her head, both of which made her blink, and then she shied away from the Goddess who somehow towered over us even as she fit into the room without crouching. Tucking the little girl under my arm, half behind me, I asked, "is this kid your High Priestess'' daughter?"


    Artemis frowned, then almost reflexively leaned down and tried to sniff. After a cut off gasp of pain and a few red droplets dripping into the bath water from her veil, she shook her head. "I do not know. I know Diane had a child, but she left it with its father that she might serve me as High Priestess."


    I cocked my head. "Aren''t you supposed to be a Goddess of protecting children?"


    "That is part of my Domain, yes."


    "You do a shit job of it." She opened her mouth to argue, and I glared at her. She shut her fuckin'' mouth. "Was Diane... wait, your High Priestess'' name was Diane?"


    "That is the name she made herself known to me by."


    I shook my head. "And you didn''t bother to check. Fuckin'' typical. Anyway, was her baby daddy a mercenary from Rich Man''s Port?"


    She cocked her head, then nodded. "I seem to recall so, yes."


    I looked down at Maze. "Okay, kid. This is Artemis, right?" She jerked her head in a single convulsive nod. "Okay then. Artemis? Did you tell Maze''s mom to take Isnomi and sacrifice her?"


    "Who?"


    I closed my eyes, feeling Maze practically vibrating with fear against me. "Know, huntress, that you retain your skin only due to my need of you to answer my questions rather than screaming incoherently. Saffron''s daughter. My lover''s daughter. My. Daughter."


    "Oh. Yes. I commanded her to avenge your slight of me."


    "Huntress?"


    "Yes?"


    I didn''t think. I just reached out from M-Space and snapped her left leg backward, then dragged her close enough I could cover her mouth with my hand. "Shut the fuck up. Now." Her screams dropped to a kind of wet mewling sound. "Better. Now. If you had come at me? Or even sent her at me? You still might have gotten your shit wrecked, but I wouldn''t hold it against you. If somebody pisses you off, you don''t go after their kids. You fuckin'' grow a pair and go after them yourself." She raised her head, glaring at me, and her gaze slipped toward Maze.


    I ripped her veil off, rammed my fingers into the remains of her nose, and pulled her face nose to lack of a nose with me. "If you so much as glance at anybody but me ever again, you will lose your fuckin'' eyes. Are we clear?" She whined. "Are. We. Clear?"


    "Yes," she whimpered.


    "You don''t touch my people, or you die. You don''t touch my kids, or you don''t die, ever." Confusion hit her eyes. "No matter how long you beg me to let you. If you touch this one? You will wish you had touched one of my other kids. Do you understand?"


    "Yes."


    "Now, some part of you is scheming right now, thinking of how you can turn this to your advantage, how you can show me up, how you can use what you think you''ve learned, because you think you''ve learned things, don''t you?" At her involuntary nod, I continued. "You think you''ve learned my weakness, that I care for every fuckin'' kid in the alliance. That I care even more for the kids who have wound up mine specifically." I twisted my fingers, forcing her down until she lay splayed on the ground. "Let me disabuse you of that notion. I am trying to be a better person. To be kind. To be understanding. To be merciful. Do you want to know what my kids are? What they truly are?"


    She whimpered out something that might have been, "yes?"


    "They are my excuse. My excuse to not be kind. To stop trying to understand. To throw mercy to the wind. To be as cruel as I have ever wanted to be. To let my dark side play like she so desperately wants to. You hear?"


    "Yes."


    "Do you understand?"


    "Yes."


    "Good. Now." I clenched my fingers, driving her face into the tiles of the floor. "You have a very special chance right now. If you abandon the fuckin'' suicidal pride that killed your brother Apollo when he fed himself to me, answer my questions honestly to the best of your ability, and obey every fuckin'' order I give you, I will lie to myself and tell myself that you''re on some kind of path to redemption from being an insufferable bitch who deserves an eternity of pain undreamt of by Mortal or Deity. Understand?"


    She burbled something like, "yes," into the floor, and I lifted her up by her lack of nostrils.


    "Who killed Diane, High Priestess of Artemis to Phileo?"


    "You did," she whispered, tensing.


    "Good. Now. Who is responsible for Diane''s death?"


    She gagged three times before choking out, "I am."


    "Why?"


    She closed her terror filled eyes and said, "I ordered her to enact petty vengeance by kidnapping and sacrificing your infant child."


    "Good. Good. Now. Who is responsible for the death of Maze''s dad?" She looked at me with something near panic, and I said, "the one I killed when Garland sent him after me."


    If Gods could piss themselves I think she might have done so out of relief. "Ares. Garland was Ares'' High Priest to Phileo. None but Ares'' Champion and Highest Priest may do aught without his explicit permission."


    I nodded, then forced her to look right into my glare. "Now, if anything ever happens to Maze here, whose shin bone will I use to scrape Ares'' skin when I''m tanning it?"


    Her eyes closed and tears leaked out. "Mine."


    "Good. Good. Now. Just a few last things, and this will all be over."


    She whimpered out, "I beg of you, be merciful."


    "Maze and my kids are fine. You''re a protector of children. Stop doing a shit job of it."


    "Yes, mistress." I tried really hard not to let my body react to that shit, because Just Happening to what I''d left of Artemis right in front of Maze was not the impression I wanted to leave the kid with.


    "Now. Look at me." I dropped my Blend. All of it. Shadows danced through the room, and I slipped hair thin tentacles through her not-a-nose, right up into her no-longer-coherent brain. I savored the vision of her loss of sanity as her jaw dropped open. "Do you recognize me?" She didn''t say anything, and after giving Maze a quick peck on the forehead I set her on the edge of the tub, then let go of her and slapped Artemis hard enough I heard her cheekbone crack. "Wake the fuck up. Now."


    She twitched, terror reeling her back over the edge it had thrown her off. "Yes. Yes, mistress. Please, mercy, mistress."


    I smiled at her, letting her see exactly how much I wanted to just let go and eat her a tiny bit at a time, from now until the end of all things. "You cannot run. You cannot hide. You may fight, and I will end you in that moment, or..."


    "Or?" I waited until the tiniest bit of terrifying Hope showed in her eyes.


    "Or you can obey. Completely. Utterly. Enthusiastically. I say jump, you say ''how high'' while you''re headed upward. Do you understand?"


    "Yes."


    "If I say ''die'', you die, right there, because I don''t want to dirty my hands with you. Understand?"


    "Yes," she whimpered.


    "Good. Now. Close your eyes." She slammed them shut. "Do not open them again. Ever. Unless I tell you otherwise. You open them, you die. Understood?"


    "Yes."


    "See, you can learn." I took a deep breath. "You tell no one what you''ve seen. And if you try to weasel your way into telling anyone somehow?" I waited until she twitched, about to ask. "It will be your skin I use your shin bone to scrape. While you watch. Before I use your own skin to bind your eyes shut forever. Do you have any questions?"


    "Yes."


    I smiled at her. "You can learn. Ask."


    "Will you end my pain? If I obey long enough, eagerly enough?"


    I leaned down and breathed out, "what''s the magic word?"


    "Please?"


    I slipped my fingers out of her lack of a nose, cupping her face in my hands. "Good girl. Such a good example in manners for the child of my Concubine. Should you obey? Should you convince me to lie to myself and tell myself that you really are trying to be a better Deity, to protect your followers, to build them up, to be a Goddess worthy of something greater than a septic tank full of tanning waste?" I Co-Located one of me to M-Space and sucked in power until both of me glowed white, the water heating up again until it steamed. Then I channeled every bit of it into a Smite and hammered her with it. Then sucked all that power again, swallowing the screams of pain at pulling too much Mana too fast, then slammed it all into a Heal Injury.


    She shuddered, her eyes fluttering until she squeezed them shut and shoved her palms over them. Her fingers twisted down, and she drew a shuddering breath through her nose.


    I pulled her face to mine, kissed her cheeks one at a time, then drew her ear to my mouth. "I can be understanding, and merciful, and kind, or I can be the bitch everyone thinks I was born to be."


    Tears streamed out of her squeezed-shut eyes, and she drew in shuddering breaths only to sob them out again.


    "So tell me, Artemis daughter of Zeus. Which would you prefer?"

 Day Three Hundred And Seventy-Four

    Dear Diary,


    "It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding."


    - Erma Bombeck


    Well, shit, not like I can argue with that shit. Just playing stand-in wannabe mom for Maze got me going all gooey and fixing Artemis'' nose for her, because I felt a little bad she couldn''t even try to sniffle without dripping blood all over the place. The fact that she made a mess on the floor with that shit had nothing at all to do with it. Just me being compassionate, and understanding her right into the floor tiles.


    Yeah, I know, some part of me really wanted to just eat the bitch, but honestly that thought put another part of me off my feed. Also, I had an opportunity, one of those ''teachable moments'' duBois talks about, to show Maze that there''s a better way than endless cycles of vengeance.


    Of course, the moment I thought that, I had to fuck it up. "Maze?"


    "Yes?"


    "Do you think Artemis has paid for her part in your mom''s death?" When she looked at me, still a little out of it, and definitely with weird pointed ears coming out the top of her head, not to mention a weird tail kinda like a pony, I simplified it. "You want I should do something else to her?"


    If Artemis stiffened up, I did not give a single shit about that. "I... don''t know."


    "Well, if you think of something, just let me know, I''ll make it happen."


    "You would put me at the mercy of childish pettiness?" whispered Artemis. She might have meant it to be too low for me to hear, but nasal brain tentacles.


    "Yeah, she''s actually a six year old child. What was your excuse again?" She paled. "Doesn''t feel so good when you''re the one who has to spend every waking moment worrying about what''s going to happen, does it?" Her head jerked, and I finished up with, "so maybe take some time thinking on that and do fuckin'' better. Go home."


    As she stood, she asked, "am I to die then?"


    "The fuck you mean by that?"


    "She cannot leave for the same reason I saw no need to protect the suite from M-Space intruders," said Saffron from beside the door. "Although I''m sure she could walk to Phileo and wait for the next ship headed for Greece."


    "Won''t that be a while with all our cargo ships tied up ferrying food to Calverton?"


    "You say that like my initial reaction to seeing this betraying bitch wasn''t to see how many slices I can take off of her before she dies."


    "I''m trying to learn to be, y''know, a better person than that."


    Suddenly Saffron filled my achy arms. "I know, love. And I love you for that." She pulled Maze into our hug, and if the little one leaned on Saffron and away from me, I wasn''t gonna complain. Kitten whispered to Maze, "I know you''ve missed a few bath days. Did you know Tabitha''s the one who got me in the habit of taking so many?" When Maze shot her a ''bullshit'' look, she just nodded. After that Maze gave me another long, considering look.


    "Are we done with her here now, though?" I nodded at Artemis.


    "I see no need for her to remain. Walking to Phileo would give her time to think on her crimes."


    I sighed. "Yeah, but even odds she and some Lancaster dumbass who ought to know better will strike sparks, and I don''t want collateral damage on my hands. Don''t want what''ll happen if I tell her she can''t defend herself at all, either."


    Saffron leaned into me, incidentally dragging Maze closer. "You are such a soft touch, love. So kind. So gentle."


    "I try. Hey Marie?" Marie looked up from where she''d been soothing a few of the kids back to sleep. "Could you deliver that one to Dionysus, tell him to make sure she''s safe?" I turned to the goddess in question and said, "as for you, let Marie deliver you to D, do whatever she or he says, no violence for any reason whatsoever. No harming anyone for any reason whatsoever. Otherwise you die painfullly."


    "Yes, Mistress. What if a child is in danger?"


    "You scoop them up and run."


    "Yes, Mistress. What if there are too many to carry, and the danger is a living thing?"


    I sucked my teeth. "Then you get it to calm down. If you can''t, you kill it, and then I kill you, painfully. Because giving your life to protect kids is what you should have done all along."


    She shuddered, but said nothing but, "yes, Mistress."


    I nodded to Marie and said, "get her out of here." A moment later, she was gone. I turned to Maze. "Do you want to come to bed with us all now? Your mama''s still in there, waiting for you."


    She frowned, but she could see Marie''s pale fur in the dim light. "How?"


    Saffron leaned in and whispered, "the best mamas can be in more than one place at a time."


    Maze nodded, and after patting her dry gently, Saffron carried her back to bed, at which point I collapsed back to the me that had never left the middle of the squish pile.


    Mimic got soup. I don''t know how, but she got soup. Soup wasn''t what she craved, but soup is what she got. She also danced with her Kraken, so I guess maybe she was working on her fatass figure? I dunno. Dreams are still fuckin'' weird, even when they''re straight from my continent covering alter ego.


    Spent all day yesterday perched atop the mast with my binocs, watching for flags and flares. Sent Murder Mittens to direct Olga when needed, sent her in to wreck shit when Olga wasn''t available. At the end of the day, Saffron showed up looking more than a little excited. "My Goddess!"


    I flexed, and nothing hurt when I did, so I leered at her and said, "Ready to put up our privacy bowl, Kitten?"


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    She shook her head, her grin more eagerness than wickedness. "You two, follow me! A grave injustice must be put right!"


    She led us down the ladders, then across to the cabin we''d found when we went looking for the Admiral''s cabin that first day. Since then the bedding had been replaced with some stuff that looked a little less modern, but oddly more comfy, mostly due to the stupid amount of pillows and comforters. "Okay, yeah, seen this. Cool, but not as cool as balancing you on my chin."


    She grinned at me, then opened a door we''d more or less ignored before. "Before I explain, I''ve sorted out what needs to be done to make this work in the long run, but for now," she led us in to a small but complete modern bathroom. Way less luxurious than the setup at Lancaster House, but it touched some nostalgia buttons for me.


    "Okay, okay, this is really," she flushed the toilet, and it flushed. "Holy shit, Kitten, you got the plumbing working?"


    She giggled at my reaction, "yes and no. Anything gravity fed has been cleared and works, but the pumps themselves aren''t working yet." At my questioning look, she pointed to the water tank and said, "Create Water."


    "Oh. Huh. Still, pretty fuckin'' cool."


    She grinned. "It is! Now, come with me." She led us out of the cabin, then down a ladder cosplaying as a flight of steps, then through a door. Into a suite that had to be nearly as big as ours back at the Academy. "Holy shit, Kitten! Where did this come from?"


    "These, my love, are your quarters." She pulled me over and plonked my butt on a chair that had been covered over with here and now cushions and blankets.


    "Huh?"


    "Eloquent as ever." She sat on my lap and kissed me as she pulled Marie down to find a perch on the arm of the chair. "You, my love, are officially the Captain of the Black Dragon. I decided."


    "Uh... cool? Shouldn''t that go to somebody with some actual Naval experience though?"


    She shook her head. "We''ll make someone like that Admiral of the fleet. They can have the other cabin. This one is ours."


    I smiled at her. "Sure, Kitten. I mean, this is my fuckin'' Battleship, I guess I ought to have a cabin aboard, right?"


    "We."


    "We?"


    "We. Because do you know what else I found out?"


    I shrugged. "Nope, but I can tell you''d rather tell me than have both of us double team you right at the moment."


    She laughed out loud, the sound pure savage joy. "The range of the sixteen inch guns, which can throw a literal ton of metal, is twenty nautical miles."


    "Oh, shit, my ammosexual has become a size queen too." I buried my face in her neck as I laughed, and she laughed as much as I did.


    She managed to stop laughing long enough to try and argue, at which point Marie interrupted by saying, "Yes." Her holding up her index and middle fingers side by side just added some absolute stupidity to the hilarity, and I''m sure somebody heard us from outside the cabin, and I''m equally certain nobody was about to interrupt us unless they were terminally stupid or optimistic. Kinda too bad, but what are you gonna do? I mean, in my case, the answer is ''my wifes as often as possible'', but everybody knows I''m a gluttonous horn dog.


    When the three of us settled enough Saffron could talk again, the Grin''s bloodthirstiest sister slid onto her face and she said, "We''ll need a place aboard to sleep on the journey. And to celebrate afterward."


    "Huh?"


    "Olympus is only ten nautical miles from the shore." As I may have mentioned before, do not piss my Kitten off. She is distressingly thorough. On the other hand, her next words, accompanied by some coy eyelash batting at Marie and I, was, "so, did you want to claim these rooms properly?"


    By the time we got home, the kids were all bundled up in a ring that more or less slow motion collapsed in on us when we settled in.


    Mimic decided to pogo in the Bay with her Kraken. I do not get it, but fuck it, at least she swallowed her soup rather than doing the soupkkake thing again.


    Woke up this morning and shepherded everyone through our morning routine, which now included a toilet visit for everybody. Little bit weird that it was just part of the whole public procession, with Marie collecting whatever they''d worn to sleep, then helping the tot onto the pot right in front of the rest of the kids, helping them pour water over their front and back from a little cup that filled up from the elevated tank, then scooting them off to where Saffron waited in the tub. Weird or not, it still made me proud when Isnomi led the parade. Pretty sure some of the kids weren''t properly potty trained yet, and Marie helped the ones in diapers without making a big deal of it, but the general peer pressure seemed to be for ''bodily waste in the toilet, bathe every day, wear clean clothes'', at least in part due to her example, so I wasn''t gonna let my lingering ''oh, no, everybody''s naked under their clothes'' screw with that.


    Let''s face it, the kids might have no body modesty, but they sure as shit weren''t gonna be embarrassed by dumb shit like ''having tits'' or lack thereof. Speaking of body parts, while David did in fact have a twig and berries, he was the only one of Marie''s adoptees who did. That surprised me a little with Alex, but fuck it, it''s not like I''m a paragon of fuckin'' femininity and shit.


    At breakfast, as I fed Saffron waffles, I looked around at the spread and asked, "aren''t we, like, still in the middle of a famine?"


    She giggled a little and lay a hand alongside my face as she chewed and swallowed. "So my Goof. Not really, love. Between organized planting, harvesting, shipping, rationing, and Mrs. Driver explaining to the other food merchants that she will let them know when they can go back to trying to get rich, or they can stay in the Drivers'' meat locker until she gets an order for long pork, we''ve managed to keep things to ''hungry'' rather than ''starving''."


    "Holy shit. Momma Driver said that?" When she nodded, not to mention Raven and Bonnie both giggling, I muttered, "but she''s... all soft and fluffy and squeaky."


    That got a belly laugh out of the cousins, and Saffron said, "so very Goof. I think she could arm wrestle Marie and win."


    Before I could deny it, Marie slid another waffle in front of me and said, "Likely."


    Saffron looked pointedly at my waffle, and as I sliced it up, she lowered her voice and said, "you do know why she''s with Mister Driver, don''t you love? I mean, I certainly understand."


    I blinked at her. "Oh, jeez. Are you into telephone poles too now? Black Dragon got you thinkin'' thoughts of bigger, badder, broader boys?"


    She smiled and bapped me on the forehead with a couple fingertips. "No, Goof. He''s the first and only man to make her feel... safe."


    "She didn''t feel safe before? She''s what, seven feet tall?"


    "Not quite, but that''s my original point, there''s not a merchant in the Alliance that she wouldn''t stand a fair chance of snapping in half. Most of the ones she couldn''t are friends of hers, anyhow. But my point with Mister Driver is that with him? She can let herself go and just be as girly as she likes. She doesn''t have to be a brute. She can be... cute."


    I smiled. "She is pretty fuckin'' cute. Adorable, really."


    That got her laughing, and I crammed a bite of waffle dripping with cream and syrup into her mouth. Will I be receiving visions of your intimate conquest of William''s mother soon? Before I could formulate a snarky reply, she thought, she and her husband are definitely a package deal, though.


    I shuddered as I loaded up the next spoon while my Kitten savored her waffle. "Gah. Way to kill even my speculative lady boner. You getting jealous or something?"


    She smiled at me, barely keeping all her waffle in her mouth. There goes my nefarious plan to watch you manhandled by him.


    "Double gah! You really wanna just ream me out, climb in, and drive me around like a mech, don''t you?" When she tilted her head a little, I shoved the spoonful into her barely open mouth, left it there, and started doing a bad robot impression, making mechanical noises as I did so.


    She snorted cream out of her nose. I win at breakfast!


    She also remembered that we had class today. While I did my thing for Cadet Karen Smith, Saffron brought my Cold Iron Coins up and used them to test how close she could put a Filtration Ward to them. After lunch she lay some plate steel across them, and worked on putting the Ward directly into the steel. She and Doc Roberts went straight over my head the moment after she explained what she was trying to do. I kinda sorta understood they were talking in math, but other than that? I was a living battery and booster seat.


    On the other hand? Saffron sitting in my lap all day, and Olga took care of the only red flare.


    Nice to have a day full of wins once in a while.

 Day Three Hundred And Seventy-Five

    Dear Diary,


    "An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy."


    - Rudyard Kipling


    Y''know, for all the man had some issues, I seem to agree with some of his shit a lot. I mean, yeah, he was a dude totally at peace with his tiny nation conquering the world to make it a better place and you know what, I think I understand completely why I agree with him so much. Still, in my case the three Clergy I deal with on the regular are also Moms, and in at least my case I think I do a lot more Momming than Priestessing. Okay, given how often I''m going out wrecking shit, I''m probably doing more Championing than I am anything else.


    So yesterday was awesome in a lofi chill way. At sunset, when Doc Roberts asked everyone to close down anything potentially dangerous, because he would be leaving and didn''t want one of his classes blowing one of the towers off the Academy, Saffron thanked him, reiterated that she and I would be leaving as well, so there wouldn''t be Healers, Priestesses, or an Archmagi to save them if they screwed something up, then put her arms around me and whispered, "Black Dragon?" in my ear.


    I collapsed back to myself, enjoying the weight of her dangling down my side as I put my binocs back in their case. We''d had some weather come through, and though the rain had slacked to a trickle for the moment, the wind over the Bay still had the mast making those twangy wire noises. I slipped the binoc case over my neck, slipping my other arm under Saffron''s ass to brace her so she didn''t slip off of my soaked skin or The Dress'' slippery silk while I climbed down the ladder. She Grinned at me, and our little privacy bowl popped into place. My jaw dropped open and I waved a hand at the ongoing downpour.


    "Like to live dangerously, huh?"


    She nuzzled my neck and murmured, "my wife is the mistress of tentacles, whose very nature is to devour all of reality. What do you think?"


    I pawed at the binoc case. "These aren''t exactly replaceable here and now..."


    Before I could say anything, she grabbed the case, my skin anti-tingled a little where she touched me, and it disappeared. "On the desk in your office."


    Lame excuse anyhow. "Fuck it." I scooped her around and stepped toward Marie, only to have Saffron hold me just a breath away from kissing her.


    "No, loves. Fuck me. Fuck me here in the highest spot around, in defiance of the gods themselves, while wind blows and lightning strikes. Let them not even have the slightest hint that they might interrupt our wedded bliss in this or any other way." She stopped holding me back, and lost the ability to speak. Hard to do with somebody''s tongue going spelunking in your throat.


    By the time we finished up and fell into our bed at Lancaster House, I''d lost the ability to truthfully say, "never have I ever lost count of how many times I''ve been struck by lightning while having sex." I gotta tell you, my Kitten is down for some crazy assed shit, but it might be wilder on a deep, meaningful shit note that right in the middle of it, right before a particularly well timed strike hit us, I saw Murder Mittens in full on Uncanny Valley, dripping wet scalded scorched steaming smoking electrified cat mode and the only thought that went through my head was a typically sophomoric, ''my wife is smokin'' hot, literally''.


    I don''t know which of us is weirder, Marie for being attracted to a walking bundle of scar tissue, or me for being attracted to shit that would have the SCP Foundation be calling for backup. Okay, I know the answer, it''s Saffron, because she''s absolutely the one who initiates the weirdest shit, and does it with post-massacre muscle mommy and krazy killer kitten. All while being a walking advertisement for short stack supremacy.


    Mimic danced through the lightning. Her Kraken seemed a little subdued, but still there, still protecting our fleet from any underwater shenanigans. Soup rained from the sky. I think it was soup. Maybe chili? Like, not meat, or beans, or even peppers, but just that oily red brown sauce that burned every spot it touched in absolutely the best ways. I gotta get my hands on some of that shit before the jones gets too strong.


    Woke up way early to sounds in the bathroom. Co-Located in to check on things, only to find another steaming bath. Now, I know what you''re thinking, ''Tabitha, of course you''re not stupid enough to fall for the same trap twice in one week''. You''d be right; I''m stupid enough to fall for it every time she pulls this shit, because the odds of her actually drowning me approach zero, and I don''t know how this little kid does it, but she gets the whole fuckin'' tub full of water slightly hotter than Satan''s asshole, which feels incredible against sore muscles. I backflopped into the tub, blessing whoever had decided to leave the floor as bare stone with some textured bits for traction and some throw rugs in a few spots for maybe sitting or kneeling on. Letting go of everything, I let the water take me, melt me into an utterly relaxed lump.


    Before long I felt tiny hands pulling me down by my hair. I realized now how she''d managed to get me last time; the tugs were barely anything I''d notice if I weren''t paying attention, almost like the mass of my mane of hair shifting as the water moved. I watched her as she slipped around from under me and shoved me down until my back hit the bottom of the tub. Moving slower than the movement of the water, I slipped my arm around her without touching her until I pulled her into a gentle hug. She stiffened up at that. I pushed myself up just enough my back wasn''t touching the base of the tub, because the water just felt better, and then ran my fingers through her hair, gently pulling tangles out. After the first couple strokes, I just petted her the way I would Isnomi, and she relaxed and closed her eyes.


    Really don''t know how long we lay there. I almost fell asleep a couple times. After the second time, I nudged her, then nodded toward the surface. She pouted a little, but didn''t struggle when I pushed myself backward until we sat with our heads above the water. "Hey Maze. Still trying to kill me off before I marry your mama Marie?" She shrugged. I nodded, then spread my arms along the side of the tub. not quite as relaxing as lying there floating, but way less chance of me falling asleep this way. She floated next to me, her head pillowed on my arm.


    After a while she shifted, then said, "mad?"


    I shrugged. "Why would I be mad? This bath is really nice. I don''t normally get to just soak like this, and never with the water this brutally hot." She frowned, and I quickly added, "That''s a good thing. Hot feels good on my scars, on my injuries that are still healing." She got a pouty look again, and I said, "look, if somebody else stumbles in here, you gonna try and kill them?"


    She frowned. "No."


    "Okay then. What about the other kids? You gonna let them drown?"


    "No!" She still wasn''t loud, but clearly vehement. Maybe even a little offended.


    I nodded my approval. "See? You''ve got beef with me. I get that. Shit, I''ve had moments I wanted to kick my own ass, but that''s a little tough to do."


    "What about that thing you do?"


    I blinked. "I guess, but I can''t exactly fight myself, can I?"


    "Why not?"


    I thought about that. "Even when it''s two of me, it''s still one of me in here." I tapped my head. with one finger. "So there''s no surprise, no chance I won''t dodge a swing, none of that."


    She shrugged. "So just don''t fight."


    I chuckled. "So what, I just stand there and let me hit me?" She shrugged, and I swear this kid had some kind of Racial Skill at ''duh'' looks. "Okay, yeah, I guess I could do that."


    "Could you kill you?" she whispered.


    That got another barked laugh out of me. "Holy shit, Maze. Dark much?" I shook my head, but said, "I mean, probably? I''ve definitely done some shit where it killed one of me, and I did it knowing that, either to take a hit so someone else didn''t have to, or to get somebody''s attention so I could bu... So I could attack them while they were distracted. Heck, I think I did it once to bind up somebody''s weapon so I could get them while they did that."


    She went quiet for a bit, then said, "is that how you killed my papa?"


    I slumped. "Fuck. Shit. I... I know you probably don''t care, but that''s probably the thing I feel shittiest about. Not just killing your dad. I mean, Garland lied to him about shit, so he was trying to kill me, so me killing him first was just a shitty thing that happens. But honestly? I can''t even say everybody I killed was somebody tough enough I couldn''t stop them any other way. Some of the folks I killed during that expedition were just... in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and I didn''t have time to be careful about taking them out of the fight. I just needed... Fuck, it doesn''t matter what I needed. But I can''t even tell you some cool story about how your papa was a big brave badass who almost beat me, or died protecting some of his buddies, or anything cool like that. Garland lied. Your papa came at me. I killed him. I''m sorry as shit that made you an orphan, but I don''t see how the fuck I could have done any different at the time without some other kid becoming an orphan."


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    "Isnomi?"


    I shook my head, shooting her a savage grin. "Isnomi''s got Saffron. Hell, just like you, she''s got Marie. Also, I''m a little bit tough to kill. As a certain little horse-girl seems to be discovering."


    "Could you kill you?"


    I shook my head, smiling. One track mind reminded me of my Kitten. I shrugged. "I mean, I could kill one of me, probably, yeah."


    "Would it hurt?" She whispered.


    I thought about that for a second before saying, "I don''t think I can really describe how much it hurts. I mean, the kind of hurt it takes to kill me is pretty fuckin'' awful. I''ve gotten myself cut in half and lived through it, and had a Giant Enemy Crab Hole Spawn chew on my head for a while without dying. I think that might have cracked my skull a little, but I didn''t die from it. So the kind of beating it takes to kill me hurts, but next to actually dying? All that is just..." I rummaged through my brain looking for a word that wasn''t synonymous with ''foreplay'' before settling on, "it''s really not worth mentioning."


    She looked me right in the eye and said, "would you kill you for me?"


    My jaw slowly dropped. Not just at the audacity of this little bitch, not just at the thought that a six year old kid would want me dead, because that was pretty clear from her whole ''trying to drown me twice this week'' thing, but at the fact that, if she were asking me to kill anybody else for making her an orphan? I''d probably do it.


    Fuck, if she asked me to kill a God for vengeance for making her an orphan? I''d be dragging them here screaming, asking if she wanted me to fill the tub with their blood so she could bathe in it afterward.


    I took a deep breath and said, "is that what you want me to do?" She nodded. "You know this won''t bring either of them back, right?" She nodded again. "You ever see somebody die before? Violently?" She nodded at each of those. Mercenary''s kid. Not like Mercs have day care. "You ever kill anybody?" She frowned, shook her head. "You sure about this?"


    "Yes," she whispered.


    "Okay. Gimme a second." I stepped out onto the floor of the bathroom, Co-Locating to face myself as I did. Fuck I had a lot of scars. Still, I was absolutely ripped, and every bit of fat on my fuckin'' body had migrated to my face and tits. Mostly my tits. Probably some kind of weird Blend shapeshifting bullshit. I also had a fuckton of hair by now. The only reason I didn''t have one of those massive solid state manes was the frequent hundred-strokes combing by Marie, I think. I shook my head and thought, Marie?


    Vlickies?


    I gotta do something for Maze in the bathroom. Please don''t come in, don''t let Saffron in. Not until I say otherwise, anyhow. And this is absolutely a commandment to both of you, do not let any of the other kids in, or let them see what''s happening in here.


    Yes, Goddess.


    I got the faintest hint of worry for Maze from her, and thought, doing a favor for her. Getting her some vengeance on the dumb fucker who made her an orphan.


    Whether she understood or not, her only reply was, Thank you.


    You''re welcome, Murder Mittens. Love you.


    Then I went to work. The one of me looking toward Maze stood still, so she could see better. I really didn''t want this to take all night, and with me not dodging, even with the little bit of distortion from Co-Location I could still hit me in the face. After the second swing just stung I pumped Mana into my muscles like I did when practicing Strong Arm, and blood started to fly. Maze just stared, her expression neither horrified nor gleeful, just the kind of tiny frown somebody would get while they watched something they didn''t want to forget.


    I don''t know exactly how many times it took to knock me down, but it was more than six and less than a dozen. I leapt, landed with my knees pinning my arms, and went to town just beating my own fuckin'' face in. I kept thinking about how I could have done better, how I could have just disabled so many of the people I''d killed, how I''d gotten off on killing and maiming and being a goddamned engine of fucking destruction. My world narrowed to pain and blood and crackling impacts. At some point I thought I''d died, because I couldn''t see through that me, but I still felt the pain of my broken face. I realized I''d closed my eyes, and when I opened them and looked down at a ruined face barely recognizable as my own, my eyeballs had ruptured.


    I wound up and slammed my fist down on the bridge of my nose, and something gave way with a huge crack. My world narrowed to nothing but pain, and a chunk of my face just a tiny bit smaller than my fist sank in, barely held in place by skin. Panting, barely able to see through pain and raging self-hatred, I turned to face the girl I could barely see. "You want to finish this?"


    I couldn''t see her properly, even in wireframe, but I heard her as she slipped out of the tub. She did something with the shelves where Marie stowed all the bath gear, then walked slowly over until she stood across my own battered self from me, looking down at my shattered face. As she stood there frozen, I whispered, "you don''t have to. I''ll finish it if you want."


    "PAPA!" she screamed, and drove Marie''s biggest pumice stone straight down into my face. I''d love to say that ended it, but let''s face it, A fuckin'' Hole Spawn chewed on my head and didn''t kill me, no way a tiny six year old girl, even one with breathtaking amounts of built up rage, was gonna do me in with one swing. "MAMA!" she screamed, and drove the end of the thing into my face again. I held my own arms down with my knees, grabbed my fuckin'' ankles to keep my other hands clear, and grit my teeth as I felt bones scraping, my tongue ripping as my teeth tore at it. Alternately screaming ''mama'' and ''papa'', she hammered that fuckin'' stone down, hit after hit, until she stood there weeping.


    "You want help, Maze?" Her head moved, but I swear to god I could barely see that. "Gotta say it, kid."


    Daughter, are you...


    Not now, Boss.


    "Please."


    I brought one hand around slowly, carefully, slipping my fingers around the fattest part of the stone. "Ready?"


    "Yes."


    I nodded, my brains rattling to protest the movement. "On three. One. Two. Three." I brought that hunk of stone down as hard as I could, screaming as loud as she did. It cracked in half when the leading edge smashed the front of my skull against the back of it. The me on the floor dissolved, and I collapsed onto my side as the pain hit.


    Marie? I''m gonna pass out. Could you come take care of Maze, please?


    I woke up in the tub, Marie underneath me holding my head out of the water, Maze lying on top of me, still asleep. I felt oddly good, like I''d barely died at all. Then again, the water had to be only slightly cooler than a good sous vide, and that definitely had me going all melty inside. Blinking myself awake, I asked, "Breakfast time?"


    "Bath."


    I nodded. "Okay, let''s get to it." A few moments later the kids surged in from the bedroom, and our morning routine of potty, bath, and breakfast began. Marie didn''t say anything about what I''d done, and neither did Maze. But she let me towel her dry, although when I started to do the scrubby towel thing you do, she grabbed my hand. I froze, and she said, "pat."


    I nodded, started with the patting, and asked, "better?"


    "Yes, thank you."


    Polite little kid, anyhow. Hell, up until the very end she''d even been kinda polite about trying to kill me. Y''know, ''here, have a nice warm soothing bath. I will drown you now, it will be just like falling asleep in a sun warmed summer pool''. Like, I could see some fancy British butler doing that shit. Oscar would do that shit.


    Not that my kid was gonna be a Maid. Unless she wanted to. Murder Mittens liked that shit. Once I got her good and married, not to mention as pregnant as possible, I''d have to stop with nightly, ''until she can''t walk'' sessions, or she''d feel some kind of way about not being able to Maid any more. I figure maybe a month or so ought to sear my general opinion on exactly how much I liked her into her brain. Need to do it once or twice with her sopping wet, too, just to make sure she didn''t feel like it mattered whether she was in cute catgirl mode or nightmare from the uncanny valley mode.


    "Maze?"


    "Yes?"


    "You wanna be a Maid when you grow up?"


    She paused, thought about it, then said, "no. Maybe a butler."


    Fuck it. My kid wanted to be a butler, she gets to buttle. Also, I had to stop thinking about Marie as wife in the present tense, because now I was in full on Mom mode with Maze, who still might want to kill me.


    I got to her hair and asked, "squeeze, pat, or scrub?"


    She tilted her head, then straightened it saying, "squeeze." A few minutes later, way longer than it took with most of the kids, but fuckit, I sent her on to Marie to get dressed.


    As Saffron scrubbed at my hair she said, "Marie told me what you did last night."


    I shrugged. "It''s what I''d do for any other kid who''d been orphaned by a bitch Goddess."


    She pulled me to her, suds and all, smiling into my hair. And so once again you prove yourself the only one worthy of the title, My Goddess.


    "Hey, Sigyn''s pretty good, too. Same with Marie." That got the face full of shampoo it deserved.


    The kids trooped off to Breakfast led by Menace with Marie bringing up the rear, while another Marie stopped Saffron and I and took the time to brush our hair out and dress us properly in our Uniforms for the day. "Class."


    "Oh, thank fuck, somebody fuckin'' remembered."


    All three of them laughed at that, which is when I realized Maze still stood there. The moment I saw her laughing, she sobered. When we all stood to head to breakfast, she grabbed one of Marie''s hands and one of mine. "So. Does this mean I''m allowed to marry your mama Marie?"


    She shot me a pouty look and said, "have to now."


    I stopped, pulling our whole procession to a stop in the middle of the living room. "No." I knelt in front of her to look her in the eye. "You absolutely the fuck do not ''have to''. I didn''t do that so you would let me marry your mama Marie. I did it because..." I stopped, thinking about it. Putting it in terms that a six year old would understand, might learn something from about being a better person. Because I figured if a six year old could understand it, maybe I could too. "I did it because that''s who I want to be. Somebody kids can come to for help with shit that is way beyond what they can do for themselves. Not to get something from them. Not because they can do things for me. But because it''s the right thing to do, the thing to do to be the person I want to be."


    I ran out of steam, then just looked her in the eye until she nodded and tugged at my hand to get me to stand back up. "So, with the understanding that you absolutely can tell me no, and if you do I''m probably gonna go looking for bribes to change your mind, do I have your permission to marry your mama Marie?"


    She tilted her head as we walked toward the dining room and, just as we hit the steps, said, "not yet."


    Shit, I was gonna wind up with two kids as stubborn as me.


    I looked up at Marie to see her smiling down at Maze, a smile I''d seen on both her and Saffron when they looked at Isnomi, and one word and one word alone encapsulated my feelings on that.


    "Worth."

 Day Three Hundred And Seventy-Six

    Dear Diary,


    "We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It''s easy to say "It''s not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem." Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes."


    - Fred Rogers


    Well. Damn. After the past week, where just off the cuff I''ve engaged in repeated semi-public debauchery, tortured somebody until they broke, not to mention beating myself to death? Hearing that even if the details of my ''how'' would horrify him, Mister Rogers approves of my ''why''. Maybe there''s some kind of hope for me yet, right?


    So yesterday after breakfast, after one each of Saffron and I headed off to our day jobs, the pair of us wandered up to Intermediate Heroic Skills. I''d kinda forgotten how Doc DeLeon taught that class. When it comes to Mana Shaping, I always think Doc Roberts, but apparently Doc DeLeon just groks something about Elementalism better than Doc Roberts. Also, fuckin'' hilarious thing, the class is in fact Intermediate Heroic Skills One, which means the class is currently working on Mineral Bond. Bit of deja vu, as again I''m showing a Lancaster how to Mineral Bond. Apparently Larry doesn''t have much more talent with Earth than his brother does, but when I showed him my whole ''rapid welding'' thing, he picked up on it pretty quick. Okay, he got the process down on his second try, although he''s now got that same ''can''t do both welds before passing out'' problem Lachlan did.


    Saffron stepped up to help DeLeon teach the Cadets who weren''t Lancasters by demonstrating the Shape, only apparently really fuckin'' big and slow. DeLeon''s a good guy; instead of getting all bent out of shape that somebody came into his class with able to do shit he straight up couldn''t, he took the opportunity to just lean in with his pointer stick and call out details that I guess he couldn''t while Shaping that shit himself. Meanwhile if she got a little sweaty holding the Shape so he could do that, she still managed to comment with details on how the fuckin'' thing worked. Apparently it''s not too different from cyanoacrylate back in the world of Eastside, where it chemically melts the stuff you''re working with, only without chemicals. Something like that, anyhow. As usual, with another Mana geek to geek out with, she shot straight over my head in sixty seconds or less.


    God my nerd wife is so hot when she nerds at her nerdiest.


    Had to do a little fighting in Calverton. Nothing really difficult, just two times when three Undead Killer groups got overwhelmed at the same time. Luckily Marie and I were both in good enough shape to handle one each on our own. Kinda funny, what with the Undead Miasma cutting down our options, we''re both down to ''tool using Sparagmos''. Just going in with sword staves spinning and taking the Undead apart piece by piece. Just really, really fast. Okay, Marie does it fast. I do it. It''s weird, objectively I know I''ve got to be moving somewhere near the same speed she is, but where when she does it she looks like a vaguely catgirl shaped white blur, when I''m doing it it feels like everything slows down. Okay, it does that now, when I''m not going berserk. When I''m in full on berserk mode I wouldn''t know from slow or fast, it''s all just ''murderfuck the world to paste''. I''ve got this nagging worry that I''m not actually as combat effective doing shit like I am now, but I guess it''s like that old sci fi story or the bear joke. You don''t always have to be the fastest or the best. Just... enough.


    When the workday finished, Saffron pulled us all back to my cabin to put another coat of ''mine, mine, mine'' on everything in the room. Okay, not everything. Weird night; she got some idea during class about testing ''control versus passion''. Nerd girl nerding in bed make Tabby happy. Heh. ''In bed''. Like it got involved for more than a minute or two.


    Slipped into bed at Lancaster House, oddly just as eager for the kid cuddle pile. Warm and fuzzy for the win.


    Mimic decided to try some stately ballroom shit on the Bay last night. The Kraken followed suit, doing more ''light show'' than ''kaleidoscope''. She''s definitely drinking chili juice, and I have no idea how she got that shit. Needed to talk with Marie about it if I could really remember when I wake up.


    Woke up early. No, I did not hear noise in the bathroom. Yes, I still checked the bathroom to see if its what woke me up. Yes, there was a steaming hot bath drawn. Before you start with the whole ''oh, you fucking idiot, why are you getting in that tub again'', like I said yesterday, it''s not like I''m actually in danger, and the heat feels so fuckin'' good. This time instead of Translocating in with a splash, my limbs were working more or less correctly, so I walked over and slipped into the tub. Weird thing, getting in this way the water felt almost too hot. Of course, ''almost too hot'' was exactly perfect for getting to that melty floaty state.


    Not sure how long I had to wait, but first with gentle hair tugs, then with tiny hands pressing at me Maze made her presence known. The moment I knew she''d moved around atop me, I slipped us both up so our heads stuck out of the water. "I like floating. Please stop pushing my back against the floor of the tub."


    She frowned at me, reminding me a little of Menace back when her whole day consisted of trying to demolish herself in our little cell, and she''d found something she wanted to do that didn''t work quite the way she wanted. I waited, and eventually she nodded toward the door. "Are you in there too?"


    "Yeah?"


    Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.


    "Be here."


    I shrugged. "I kinda am?"


    She shook her head. "No. Be all here."


    I sighed. "Is this part of my gauntlet to get your approval to marry your mama Marie?" She looked really thoughtful at that. Before she answered, I said, "don''t lie about it. I might do it anyway."


    "Why?"


    I sighed, slipped my mouth under the water a little, then slid back up when I had an answer that made sense, at least to me. "I know what it''s like to be an orphan. I mean, I get the whole ''growing up with one parent''. I lost my dad when I was younger than you. My mom died when I was older, almost an adult, but still way before I was ready for it. I loved her so much, my whole fuckin'' world revolved around her. It wasn''t sudden, either. She died slow. She died hard. Worse? She wouldn''t stop and take a break and spend time with me as she got sicker and sicker. She just kept working harder and harder." I stopped talking for a bit, because I was losing my shit, and she didn''t need to have me going all stupid.


    Crying, fine, maybe she needed to see me cry, and I wouldn''t hide that from her, but screaming and throwing shit she did not need to see. So I waited until my tears didn''t include choking back sobs, and continued. "I get it now. She wanted me to have enough money to live on until I was ready to go out on my own, and she had to work herself to death to get that. But really? I wish now that I could have told her, I''d rather have had her around for those last couple years, just her and me. I could have gotten a fuckin'' job or some shit afterward. Just... She was gone in every way that mattered since I wasn''t much older than you."


    I took a deep breath. "So I get it. Life fucked you over different than it did to me, but that doesn''t mean it''s not shitty. But here? Now? I have the power to maybe help you out of that hole life has been trying to bury you in. To help you deal with all the emotions that will drive you into an early grave, because I can''t see any parent worth shit who would want their kids to chase them into the grave. So... yeah. If me being here for you, like, only here, with you, will help you let that awful shit out, get you back on your feet, put you on the path to growing up to be the best person you can be? Oh, fuck yes, I''m gonna do that."


    She just stared at me wide eyed and still, like somehow me saying all that was way scarier than watching me torture a Goddess or kill myself for her. "So tell me, is me being here with you and nowhere else part of the whole ''Maze mama Marie marrying'' process?"


    She blinked, her lips curled into a wry grin, and she said, "maybe."


    I snorted out a laugh, shook my head, and collapsed down to just the me in the bath. "Okay then. I''m here. Just one me, here in the tub with you. What now?"


    She reached out one hand and put it atop my head, then gently pushed down. I slid back under the water, just floating there maybe a foot below the surface, maybe six inches above the base of the tub, surrounded by water a few degrees above blood warm. She followed me under the water and curled up on top of me, laying her head on my breast like a pillow. Right in that instant she definitely reminded me of my Menace. Then her eyes slipped shut she went almost perfectly still, just gentle motions that might be caused by the water, maybe some chest motions hinting at breathing.


    I just had to keep myself awake in the water while she had a little nap. No big. I''d spent days underwater in the Chesapeake. Not like a couple hours lying in a tub to help Maze feel like the world wasn''t made of shit was gonna kill me. Somehow the water stayed half a degree cooler than boil-me-alive, which just kinda melted away the ever present soreness from my scars. I ran a hand down Maze''s hair, gently stroking her the way I would Isnomi, letting her know I was there, she was safe. A couple hours like this would be nice, wouldn''t hurt anybody.


    I see you two are getting along better today.


    Saffron''s voice inside my head woke me, and I looked up through the surface of the water to see her upside down face leaning over the tub, smiling at me. Oh, shit. Wait, why am I not drowned?


    She laughed, the sound strange, but not in a bad way, through the water. Maze stirred as Saffron thought, love, you are the Avatar of Mimic. Mistress of tentacles, whose Sacred Beasts are Kraken. Of all the ways you might die, ''drowning'' is not among them.


    Well, shit, when did you figure that out?


    I''ve suspected since your underwater adventuring in the Bay, but I think we''ve just confirmed it.


    You think?


    She shrugged, then reached down to lift sleep-grumpy Maze out of the water. You might have been just holding your breath while you slept. Either way? I sat up, water streaming out of my hair. "It was absolutely adorably sweet." She leaned in, kissed me, and all was right with the world.


    As we shepherded our kids through their morning routine, Saffron looked over to me and asked, "love, could I get you to join me in the Practice Yard today?"


    "Sure. What''s up?"


    She shrugged. "Your daily routine has some exertion, and you''re getting some sun and fresh air. Mine, not so much."


    "You don''t really seem like the type to need all that, though."


    She cocked her head while she scrubbed the latest kiddo''s hair. "Want? Not so much. Need? More than I''d like to admit. So I''m totally bribing myself by getting you to go with me."


    I grinned at her. "So, what, I''m supposed to jog ahead of you and entice you forward with my utter lack of an ass?"


    At that point Marie ended the discussion by setting the both of us laughing when she said, "Would."


    I have no idea where she picked that up, but after getting the posse and the horde hoard through their morning, the two of us hit the Practice Yard. We definitely started out with her chasing me, but after a bit I got the bright idea of chasing her. Unfortunately, me grabbing her ass wasn''t exactly a motivator for her to not get caught, but then I had a rush of brains to the head and goosed her. As noted, neither of us are really all that into that, which got her moving again. Laughing, thankfully, even if she did let out a squeal the first time I did it.


    By the end of the day our endless laps had turned into a kind of running goose battle slash flirtation. At no point did we even think about stopping for lunch or a break or anything. As the sun touched the roof, I darted in, scooped her up, and stepped us both to the Love Shack. We''d both wound up so soaked with sweat she almost slipped out of my arms multiple times as we stood there necking. Right up until she banished our uniforms, at which point she totally slipperied herself out of my grip like she''d been greased up, only to flop ass first onto the bed, giggling the whole time.


    Ben Shapiro is an idiot.


    Wet wife is best wife.

 Day Three Hundred And Seventy-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    "Yes, Mother. I can see you are flawed. You have not hidden it. That is your greatest gift to me."


    Alice Walker - Possessing the Secret of Joy


    Wow. This one hits hard. I mean, I don''t know if I''d have gotten it before my conversation with Maze yesterday. My mom is absolutely my idol, my person I want to be, who literally worked herself to death providing for me, but yesterday I realized that if she''d asked me, I totally would have told her to stop, to just spend time with me. I''m not mad at her, I totally get why she did what she did, but it''s only after telling Maze about it that I realize she, with the absolute best of intentions, might have fucked up. Fuck, the world of Eastside might be as fucked as this one in little ways, because if she''d done what my inner child wanted, still wants, I wouldn''t have been able to live the life I did. I''d have wound up living with my sister or maybe even getting dumped into the foster care system, which I''m told sucks ass. So it''s not like everything would have been fuckin'' sunshine and roses if she''d stayed home.


    All she could do was the best she knew at the time. Makes me feel a lot less bad about myself in the here and now. Not like I''m gonna stop trying to be better, but maybe I''ll feel less like I''m fated to be a shit person because I wind up in situations where no matter what I do, somebody who doesn''t deserve it gets fucked over, hard. Yeah, maybe some of those situations are created by earlier mistakes, but if I can honestly look back and say that at each step, I did the best I could with what I had, what I knew, who I was at the time, I can maybe say I''m not embarrassing the memory of Marie Diaz, y''know?


    Holy shit, I just realized that if my Maenad Maid Marie takes my name, she''s gonna have the same fuckin'' name as my mom, and that''s gonna be so fuckin'' weird. Although she might hyphenate. Or take Saffron''s name. Or hyphenate with Saffron''s name. Wait, does she even have a last name? She predates proper fuckin'' calendars, does she predate surnames too?


    When people used to tell me ''oh, don''t get into a relationship with a big age gap'', I sure as shit wasn''t thinking about this. I''m pretty sure they weren''t thinking about this.


    Speaking of weird shit regarding our little troika, last night after Saffron and I finished up our sweat soaked slippery shenanigans, we both wound up a little bit surprised to find our stealthy as shit Sapphic Maid sitting against the wall at one end of the bed, fully dressed in her Maid''s Uniform, doing some kind of hobby stitch witchery, the kind with the long needles and thread. Macram¨¦, maybe? Like I said before, I got no fuckin'' clue, and every time I''ve maybe gotten an impulse to ask, it dies a horrible death by drowning in hormones before it ever gets to the point of being an actual thought. I propped myself up on an elbow and said, "did you wanna join in?"


    She cocked her head and, after a long, appreciative glance, said, "No." then went back to her knitting.


    Saffron giggled, but that ''no'' kinda stuck sideways in my brain. "Aren''t you, like, made of thirst or some shit?" She blinked, nodded, then kept playing with thread. "Okay, so aren''t you gonna wind up all frustrated and shit if we don''t?" She shot me a wry grin, gripped her knitting in one hand, and made the kind of gesture that would have hordes of thirsty catgirl fanbois storming every KFC in the nation if they just threw it in an ad subtitled ''finger lickin'' good''. I laughed and said, "okay, I mean, yeah, self-service is definitely an option, and I figure you''re pretty good at it by now, but we''re, like, right here." A sudden unpleasant thought trickled through my brain, made even more unpleasant by how unpleasant it shouldn''t be. "Unless you''re waiting for some privacy? We can give you the room if you need..."


    I trailed off as she laughed at me without slowing down her knitting in the slightest. A suspiciously Maze sized sweater was taking shape as I watched, but her sudden wink drew my attention back to her face just in time for her to say, "Did."


    My face heated when I realized what she meant. My brain got a little confused about whether I felt some kinda way about her watching us all unannounced like that, but then my lady bits weighed in on the matter, and I realized that if I''d gotten a sudden surprise set of hands getting intimately handsy, it would have been a question of organization, not permission. I get that ''married'' does not automatically equal ''consent'', but I realized just then that for me, with Saffron and Marie, it was definitely more of a backstage pass, automatically opted in kind of thing. Sudden surprise sex from Saffron or Marie was absolutely something I was down for.


    Of course thinking about that made me realize that wasn''t anywhere near a universal thing. Like, not even for fuckin'' Marie, apparently. I don''t know what that says about my appetite, but then again Saffron''s the one who said I''m ''fated to consume everything, eventually'' or some shit like that. "Hey, Murder Mittens?"


    She''d been watching me, I realized just then, as a fond smile stretched across her face. "Vlickies?"


    "If I wanted to, with you, right now, would you?" She let out the faintest of sighs, shifting like she was gonna put away her knitting. "No, no, I wasn''t, like, asking you to. Sorta... I dunno, asking if you... Shit, I thought I was better at this."


    Saffron laughed. "At the talking part? Love, since you''re apparently not trying to part her from her panties, nor get her to wet them in terror, we''re well out of your field of verbal expertise, I think."


    "Oh, thanks." I snarked at her.


    She nipped my ear. "That was neither a complaint nor an accusation. You are very good at both of those things. Frighteningly good."


    "I''m scary good at scaring people?"


    She smiled against my ear before saying, "no, you''re scary good at seducing people. I lack the words to adequately describe how erotic I find your threats." Yeah, my Kitten is pretty fuckin'' dark. I forget that sometimes. Back in the world of Eastside, she definitely would have had an edgelord phase. Hell, she probably would have been right in the middle of it. Made me wonder a little at how much of that love of the dark and edgy she''d retain when she hit twenty, or thirty, or forty.


    I pulled her to me, then turned to Marie and said, "So, you would if I asked, but you don''t want to?" She tilted her head, and I followed up with, "I mean you wouldn''t initiate something, or join in if we were going another round, or, fuck, I dunno, pounce on one of us if the other went to bed?" She nodded at that. "Weird."


    Saffron chuckled. "I think I get it."


    I pulled back enough to look her in the eye. "Okay, you''re the thinking brain person for your living bed pillow and the wifiest of wifes. Explain."


    She pulled herself up, scooched me back until my back leaned against the head of the bed, then leaned against my shoulder. "For you, for me, this is all new."


    "We''ve been married almost a year now. I wouldn''t call that new."


    I had more to say, but a bark of laughter from Marie shut me the hell up, at which point Saffron said, "Marie started out as mortal as you or I. Didn''t you, love?" At Marie''s nod, she continued, "Even if she was one of the long lived races, and became a Maenad after two centuries," at my involuntary disbelieving look she said, "some Dan have lived that long. But even then, she''s had millennia after that as a Maenad. If she joined the Maenads she likely wasn''t a prude before that."


    The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    "Nope."


    All three of us laughed at that, then Saffron said, "So it''s not that she''s uninterested. I think it''s more she''s exploring what it''s like to have hobbies other than this."


    "There are hobbies other than this?" They both laughed, losing it even more when I said, "other than video games, which you guys don''t have here anyway?"


    "Kind of my point exactly. For me, this is wonderful stress relief, and a way to reward my favorite attack dog for her endless vigilance in Calverton. For you, it''s that plus a hobby. Not to mention that your appetite for this, much like for food and fighting, has yet to reach anything near satiation at any given time." She looked at Marie. "Am I getting this right?"


    "Yes."


    "So for her, when she joins us, it''s because she wants to, not because she feels compelled, or because she''s been ordered, or anything short of her enthusiastic," here she shot a snarky grin at Marie, "if quiet, Consent." Marie carefully set her knitting down, crawled over to loom over the two of us while still on hands and knees, then vibrated the bed with a fuckin'' purr. When both of us started to giggle, she let out a really recognizable growling yowl, then kissed both of us on the cheek and scooched back to her spot at the end of the bed. Saffron managed to choke out, "okay, maybe not always so quiet," through her laughter.


    "Okay, but... what about my whole plan about, y''know, her and not walking for a month after the wedding day?"


    "Month?" She sounded a little surprised.


    I have no idea why potential interruption of my plans of matrimonial nookie hurt so much, but I asked, "So you have a problem with it?"


    She just raised an eyebrow. "Carry."


    I rolled my eyes. "Of course I''ll carry you everywhere you want to go, along with the absolutely nowhere you''ll be required to be during our honeymoon, Murder Mittens."


    She crawled over to us, pulled my chin up, and purred out, "Anticipation." Then she kissed me. When I opened my eyes the three of us lay in our bed in Lancaster House, and she snuggled in between the two of us.


    I just want to make sure I''m not pushing you into things you don''t want.


    No. You push me into things I do want. Now sleep.


    I woke up early. I think the dysfunctional part of my brain that fails to make healthy habits had decided getting near drowned was unhealthy enough to make a habit or some shit like that. I stepped into the bathroom to find yet another tub full of steaming water. I laughed, walked over, and slipped into it, letting myself sink, eyes drifting shut, until I felt the tiniest pressure beneath me. Maze wriggled her away around until she lay atop me, then snuggled in and went still. I put one arm around her and surrendered to the heat.


    Is this going to wind up being a nightly thing?


    I smiled as Saffron''s voice in my head woke me. Ask her. You could join us, y''know.


    I, my love, would drown.


    You, my love, could stay Co-Located. Or should I grant you the Boon of holding your breath for a really long time in the hot tub?


    She laughed at that, reaching down to help first Maze, then me out of the tub. "We''ll see."


    "So, Maze. Do I have your permission yet?"


    She looked up at me, glanced over at Saffron, then started toward where Marie had the kids lining up for the potty. "Not yet."


    I followed her, at least as far as my towel stack, and asked, "anything I could bribe you with?"


    She turned to look me right in the eye and said, "no."


    The rest of the morning routine went well. Marie just has an aura about her, something that the kids respond to. At one point Alex and Isnomi, who had been nattering about something while waiting for the potty, raised their voices, and Marie quieted them both with a look. Not even a mean one. Maybe disappointed, like she knew they could be better than that, and they wanted her approval so much they just moved straight past the shouting and fighting part to the grudging reconciliation. Weirdest combination of emotions from seeing that. A little bit of awe, what with her being so fuckin'' good at the Momming. A solid chunk of warm fuzzy at the thought of her Momming our kids. Definitely a bit of heat at the thought of, y''know, the actual act of making those kids.


    Funny that people call that ''making kids''. Like somehow there''s insta-kid in the belly the moment the spooge spurts. If anything the dad''s just putting in a requisition and some blueprints. ''Making the kid'' occurs over the following forty weeks. More or less. A lot more or less, if Saffron''s comment about the variation in length of Bonnie''s pregnancy was anything to go by. Still felt some heat at the thought of putting that requisition in. In triplicate even. Wait, what''s it called when you do more than that? Quadruplicate? Quintuplicate? Screw it, I''m treating it like one of those ''press the button, get a million dollars or a catgirl'' buttons. Like, why would you not press that fucker when there is zero potential down side?


    I managed to finagle some extra whipped cream out of Marie for Saffron''s waffles, and then some more for the waffles destined for Saffron that had mysteriously wound up on my plate. I mean, yeah, I ate a couple bites, because those things were really fuckin'' good, but let''s face it, I was eating for flavor, not nutrition.


    That thought exploded in my brain. I stuffed an extra big bite into Saffron''s mouth, then waved Marie over, pulling her down to whisper in her ear. "Is that what it''s like for you with us? Like me with food? I don''t need it at all, but I like the taste?"


    She pondered that while I fed Saffron the next couple bites, idly slicing up waffles for the kids sitting near us while she did. I''d almost forgotten about the question when her voice slid into my brain. I need you like food, like drink, like air. She paused, then continued, Anticipation whets the appetite. Hunger is the best spice, Vlickies.


    I crammed another bite into Saffron, who despite her beetled brows smiled as she noshed when I stood, pulled Marie over, and kissed her. When I sat back down to prep the next bite, she said, "trying to distract me by indulging my penchant for sweets, while planning nefarious rendezvous with our Maid?"


    I shook my head, giving her my best serious look. "No, Kitten. This isn''t indulging you. This is carbo-loading." At her adorable, cheeks-full, confused look when I shoveled another bite in, I explained, "that''s when you eat a bunch of bread and pasta and shit before you go work out, so you''ve got the energy to keep going all day."


    She gulped down that bite and said, "so that''s your excuse?"


    I nodded, then filled her mouth with waffle and syrup and butter and cream again. "It is. And it is, as you''ve no doubt realized, extremely sticky."


    Boring day at Calverton today, which just to remind my own easily bored self is another way of saying ''awesome day at Calverton today'', because on boring days, everybody does their job, we clear another few blocks, and nobody goes home in a box. Okay, the Undead kinda do, but they were already home, and they didn''t generally leave enough residue to box up when our guys hit them with enough Smite. Our Mage types had started Smiting any bodies that didn''t just disintegrate once they''d been put down; apparently they had a few bodies that didn''t dust then either. We boxed them up real tight, and I decided then and there that with Hole Spawn and Undead reacting poorly to Co-Location, I''d have them shipped to the Black Dragon for examination by our smart guys tomorrow.


    In the Practice Yard, I went all duBois on a tear with Saffron. Mid-morning she started wincing. "Feet hurting?"


    She wrapped her arms around her chest. "Not my feet."


    "Oh, shit. Gimme a second." I hopped over to M-Space, looked, found, pulled, and hopped back. "Feeling shy?"


    She shrugged. "Not particularly."


    "Good." I banished her jacket, pulled her shirt down over her shoulders, then yanked that sandpaper camisole off her. "You''d probably be better off with Glowing Midnight''s underthings than that anyhow, but..."


    She pouted up at me, her arms pinned to her sides by her shirt. "Just showing me off in front of everyone now?"


    "Oh, absolutely. They''re real and they''re incredible. Remind me to get you an Uzaki-chan tee shirt sometime. But... hold up your arms." It took a little bit for her to wriggle her arms out, but when she did, I pulled the sports bra on her, then shifted things around until she looked like nothing was pinching.


    "That''s sort of constricting, but..." she said as I pulled her shirt back up, adjusted the ties, and then bopped her jacket back in place. "Oddly supportive?"


    "All right. Back to it. Run, Aetos! Run!"


    When the sun approached the roof, I hollered out, "almost finished with your marathon run, Aetos! Keep running!"


    She staggered around the next two laps with me jogging in place next to her, shouting about how she was gonna finish twenty six miles in a day, which isn''t a bad run for somebody who hadn''t been training for it at all recently. When I shouted, "that''s it! Twenty-six!" she threw her arms into the air, then toppled over backward. I caught her before her head hit, and she lay there panting with her head pillowed on my knees.


    "Three things," she panted. "Very. Important." I nodded and waited. "This." She patted her chest. "Brilliant." She grinned at me. "Tomorrow. Healing. Good." I laughed at that, and then she looked at the setting sun and narrowed her eyes. "Sunset. Late." I whistled off tune. Looking everywhere but her. She wheezed out laughter, barely able to get out even a single additional word. "Bitch."


    What else could I say? "Woof. Woof."

 Day Three Hundred And Seventy-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    "A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer."


    - Bruce Lee


    Dude. I just can''t right now. Man with hands so fast they need to use camera tricks to keep up with him, who kicked the shit out of Chuck fuckin'' Norris in his debut, and when his mouth opens he drops wisdom bombs like that? Shit, maybe if I keep this up long enough I''ll be able to say shit that doesn''t sound like the metaphysical equivalent of a noxious fart. I mean, yeah, the odds are against it, but still, the world is not game balanced. I can be a fuckin'' incarnation of ass-kicking and also be something other than an utter dumbass.


    I mean, it''s possible to combine those two things. No clue if I can do it, but Mister Lee''s shown that it''s possible right there. Okay, he sounds a little like a fortune cookie, but so did my mom sometimes, because English wasn''t her fuckin'' first language either. Shit, I wonder if English... was...


    Y''know, that''s definitely one of those Really Dumb Questions I''m glad I didn''t finish asking. Ain''t nobody in my life whose first language was English. But I do wonder what Marie''s first language was, and if she still thinks in it and shit like that.


    So yesterday when I scraped her melted ass off the floor my Kitten whispered, "library," in my ear, whereupon she proceeded to be an absolute pillow princess until she passed out and collapsed back into herself in the sleepy pile over at Lancaster House.


    I followed, then once I was sure everybody was settled in, shoved my Blend all the way up and slipped into the bathroom. The bath was not, in fact, full of steaming water. Yet. I watched Maze pour kettle after kettle of water in, struggling but determined. I waffled over helping her, but she seemed so determined that in the end I left my Blend up and just shadowed her, nudging the kettle when it seemed like she was about to spill boiling water on herself, lifting it just the tiniest bit when it seemed she might drop it on herself. It took her maybe an hour, but eventually she had the tub full and steaming. She crawled in headfirst, her hair floating then following her under.


    Weirdest fuckin'' thing, in the faint light from the kettle fires I could see the bottom of the tub, but the only way I could pick her out was my wireframe vision, and even there, I had to stare to make her out. I dropped my Blend, climbed into the tub, being careful not to step where I''d seen her before, and settled in with my butt on the bottom of the tub, the back of my head against the edge. After a few minutes, she tugged on my hair, trying to pull me under the water. I reached out and gently scooped her up until her eyes broke the surface. She didn''t exactly fight me, but she moved like floating dead weight. Curious, I tapped the side of my head and made a pointy ear shape. She blinked, grinned, and then a pair of equine ears popped through her hair.


    "Hey Maze. Do you do this every night?" She glanced away, suddenly shifty. "It''s okay. Not like there''s a shortage of firewood, or coal, or whatever they use here. I really like it." She pouted. "Did you want me to leave?" She shook her head. "Do you want me to stay?" She nodded. "Gonna try and murder me again?" She shrugged. I laughed, then said, "okay. Be sure to let me know if you need help with that." She gave me an honest to god ''really, Diaz'' look, and I laughed again. "Hey, just because you''re being a one girl impediment to my matrimonial plans with your mama Marie doesn''t mean you''re not still a kid who might need my help." She rolled her eyes, then scooched over to lay her head against my breast. Then she started nudging me down into the water. "One more question?" The nudging stopped. "Do you want me to be your mama?" She shook her head.


    I slipped under the water, stifling my sigh, and let the near boiling water do its work.


    Saffron woke me by booping my nose. When I surfaced, she said, "so this is going to become a nightly thing then?"


    I shrugged, enjoying how my shoulders moved without my scars pulling at them. "You gotta try it some time. Feels so good on my scars."


    She made a curious little face, then leaned in and manhandled my shoulders a little. "You know, I think they may be fading a little. It''s hard to tell, of course. But the water might be good for you."


    "See? See? I''m not a loon who likes trying to drown herself. It''s medicinal!" At that Maze giggled and wandered off to join the horde hoard. I smiled, hoisted myself out of the bath, and headed over to my toweling station.


    I took it as a tiny victory, maybe even soothing a bit of the hurt at her not wanting me as a mama, when she positively pranced over to me to get patted and squeezed dry once Saffron pronounced her clean and rinsed her off.


    On the way down to breakfast, where she''d hung around to walk hand in hand with Marie, I asked, "you know, I don''t have to be your mama if I marry your mama Marie, right?"


    She nodded. "I know."


    I smiled down and said, "so, may I have your permission to marry your mama Marie?"


    She tilted her head, thinking about it while we walked. As I walked just a little ahead down the steps to put our heads at almost the same height, she shook her head. "Not yet." Then she reached out and took my hand. We walked like that, Marie and I bracketing her, the rest of the way to the table.


    While I fed most of my waffles to Saffron, I summoned Isnomi over with a nod, and when she got there, I quietly said, "hey Menace. Just to be sure, are you okay with me marrying Marie?"


    She gave me a look like I was stupid, stole some of my waffle when she thought I wasn''t looking, and said, "duh. Why?"


    I booped her nose. "You''ll wind up with five more siblings. Mostly sisters. Are you okay with that?"


    She shrugged. "Yeah."


    "Not envious or jealous of the attention they''re getting? From her or me or Mom?"


    She shook her head. "Mathe and Aleckth awe mow fun than Tikibada."


    I scooped her up into a hug. "I''m so proud of you, sharing like that, Menace."


    She looked up at me with another ''duh'' look, then said, "bigguh pack!" then wriggled free and scampered off snickering.


    I facepalmed, Saffron mirroring the gesture. "We''re doomed."


    Marie just laughed at both of us.


    When we got to class, I went up to the profs and asked, "hey, any chance we could do a field trip today?"


    Sister Siobhan looked a little hunted, but not in any kind of super bad way, Docs Glass and Z both listened intently, and Doc DeLeon asked, "what did you have in mind?"


    I nodded. "Most of the Undead we''ve fought in Calverton burn to ash when they''re Smited. Some of the ones we put down otherwise do as well, but the ones that don''t we''ve been hitting with a Smite just to make sure they won''t get back up and start causing trouble again."


    DeLeon nodded as the other three shuddered. Then again, they were two Doctors and a Healer Priestess, where Doc DeLeon was, by his own admission, a lawyer who knew a lot about Healing. Probably had to deal with shit worse than the Undead and shit on the regular in his profession. "That makes sense. I presume they also burn when Smited?"


    I nodded, "yeah, mostly, but that''s the thing. Mostly. Some of them didn''t. I kinda want you guys to take a look at the bodies, see what''s up with that."


    Sister Siobhan looked like she wanted to puke, but she took a deep breath and nodded. Doc DeLeon turned to the other two, who looked at each other, then back at me. "Do you really think this could help keep people alive?"


    I hadn''t really thought about it that way, more that something weird with the Undead was not something I wanted to ignore. So I thought about it for a moment before saying, "If this is nothing, if there are just some Undead bodies that don''t burn when Smited? Then I guess it''s nothing. But if this is something like the bodies will get back up as Undead again under just the wrong conditions? We need to figure out how to destroy them, or if we just can''t fuckin'' destroy them, then we need to figure out how to store them to keep them from getting up. Like, bury them in consecrated ground, or deliver them directly to Hel for inhuming, or whatever needs to be done. Otherwise yeah, people are gonna die when they get back up."


    Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    They looked at each other again. Doc Z nodded, and Doc Glass turned to me and said, "then of course we''ll come along."


    "Thanks." I turned back to Doc DeLeon, "you okay with the rest of the class coming along?"


    He nodded. "Most everyone in the class is either on their last Season before being promoted to Senior Cadet or a Senior Cadet rounding out their skills. We''ll of course ask any of the non-Academy students if they feel up to entering a combat zone."


    I chuckled a little. When they looked at me funny, I said, "I had them moved over to the Black Dragon. Other than the bodies themselves, the Black Dragon is probably one of the safest places in the Alliance at the moment." When they still looked dubious, I followed up with, "it''s constantly surrounded by about half of our fleet, pretty much every ship not ferrying supplies from Phileo or to shore. Skasn''s not in great shape after his heart attack, but he''s pretty much permanently in residence on the bow, and he is the most experienced shit-kicker in Norfolk. Plus we''ve got maybe a third of the troops aboard the Black Dragon or the surrounding ships at any given time. Plus, y''know, any wounded who need to rest up in a completely miasma free zone are stationed aboard her. Like Skasn, not at full strength, but I''m sure they''d stand up to get in the way if somebody tried to hurt any of you."


    Doc DeLeon frowned and asked, "with all those bodies, aren''t you worried that some Hole Spawn might show up?"


    I couldn''t help it. I snickered, snorted, then started laughing. I wound up sitting on a desk, holding my sides, as tension I hadn''t realized lurked inside me flowed out. I waved at Saffron, and she stepped up to say, "Tabitha eliminated the Hole itself, and while this isn''t common knowledge here in Phileo yet, she discovered the progenitor of the Hole Spawn, an Undead Dragon..."


    At that point, Sister Siobhan, all three Docs, and even some of the Cadets who''d come in started shouting like the world was about to end or some shit. That ended when Saffron clapped her hands, the sound echoing through the room, leaving her standing there in Glowing Midnight, the center of everyone''s attention. "The Dragon in question is no more. Tabitha ended it. Its pulped remains were scattered over most of the Bay when Tabitha landed her Black Dragon on its face."


    At that point Doc DeLeon shook his head. "When you said, ''in residence on the bow'', you didn''t mean he''s sitting next to it, did you?"


    I grinned at him, spreading that around. "Nope. You guys wanna see?"


    Doc Glass piped up with, "are we certain the Dragon won''t reconstitute under water?"


    Saffron smiled at him with a complete lack of humor and said, "that might have been a concern, but the Kraken in the Bay guard against anything unpleasant along those lines."


    "Kraken."


    "Yes?"


    "In the Bay?"


    "Yes."


    Doc DeLeon inserted himself before Doc Glass and Saffron got any head-buttier, and said, "How many Kraken?"


    Saffron did her nail polishy thing and replied, "all of them, I think."


    Before Doc Glass could say anything, Doc Z put a hand on his arm and asked me directly, "is it safe?"


    I nodded. "I assure you, everyone here will be as safe there as they are here in this classroom." I swear, I didn''t look directly at Sister Siobhan on purpose. Much. Totally did not realize that someone could blush while turning a sort of unhealthy green color from suppressed terror. I held out my hands. "Everybody who''s going along, join hands!"


    After a bit of bickering and back and forth between a few of the non-Academy students, everybody in the classroom stood with hands joined, and Saffron, Marie, and I stepped everyone to the big open stern deck of the Black Dragon. "Welcome to the flagship of the Alliance fleet, everyone," Saffron announced. Everybody kinda goggled at the idea they were, in fact, standing on a ship in the middle of the Bay. That got even worse when a kind of whining hum vibrated through the deck and the three guns in the rear turret depressed until it felt like we were all staring directly at the barrel plugs, then raised back up to their former elevation.


    HOLY SHIT, KITTEN!


    She leaned against me, smiling. It turns out Franklin was not, in fact, a complete waste of air. Lightning can be trapped and used to power things. I''m a bit too winded to be the lead in our investigation, though, so...


    "Okay, everybody." I nodded to three chain-wrapped coffins in the middle of the stern deck. "There are the bodies. Let''s get to work while we''re working in daylight. Undead hate that shit."


    Three hours later, after every test and divination each of our experts could think of had been run, not to mention rerun by several students, as well as some of the students coming up with some non-destructive tests of their own, the consensus of our four experts was that we had three dead bodies. Not Undead waiting to happen, not any kind of Plague vector, just dead bodies.


    I looked at Marie, nodded her over, and whispered, "can you collect them?" She shrugged, then nodded. "Hang on just a second." Then I looked at Doc Glass and said, "if they''ve been Smited, their Souls ought to be normal now, right?"


    He frowned. "If their Souls were still with their bodies when they were hit with Smite, they should have burned. I would be very careful doing anything involving their Souls."


    "Okay. Wait here a sec." I took Marie by the hand and stepped to M-Space. "Lead me to them." She sniffed, then pulled me along through the towering forest of tentacles. Before long we walked through the shadows of buildings. Marie kicked in the door of one, startling a pale shadow of a guy looming over something on the ground. He turned to face us, hissed, his face distorted, and I hammered him with the biggest Smite I could whip up. With me in M-Space surrounded by tentacles, that was bigger than he was, and a second later he stood there, naked, blinking at us. "How... why did you do that?"


    I shrugged. "You wanna be dead?"


    "My rage at the Whore of Phileo and her perfidy carried me through to Undeath, I would gladly live again to fight her!"


    I blinked a little at that, then said, "uh, okay. You down for clearing out Calverton for the survivors?"


    "Survivors?"


    I nodded. "Oh, yeah. Like two, maybe three thousand military types, plus another ten to fifteen thousand civilians. The combat types are all down here, but the civilians are staying in Lancaster until we''ve got Calverton clear."


    His eyes glistened. "My... my wife might be alive?"


    "I mean, if she made it as far as the river, I Cured and Healed everybody who made it that far."


    "You... you Cured them? Healed them?"


    I shrugged. "Fuckin'' Apollo tossing arrows at me and missing like the lazy, careless fuck he was is why Calverton got plagued in the first place. That and fuckin'' High Priest Garland, using his High Priest ''I don''t get sick'' card to carry the Plague to the rich folks and Heroes in Calverton."


    "You''re... you''re her, aren''t you?"


    I leaned in, put a hand on his shoulder, and said, "just to be clear, if you gotta talk shit about me, at least be accurate. I''m a slut, not a whore."


    "What?"


    "Slut of Phileo. Not Whore. If you gotta say shit like that. Okay?" He just knelt there, mouth open, until I said, "you want I should Revive you?"


    He shook his head. "You... you would Revive one who swore to fight against you, who defied Death itself to do so?"


    I shrugged. "Tell you what. I''ll Revive you and drop you off in Lancaster tonight. You look around, talk with the survivors, see if maybe you can find your wife. If you still want to kill me after, just tell Larry and I''ll meet you in the courtyard of Lancaster House. Fair?"


    He shook his head. "Larry?"


    "Heir Lancaster."


    "Oh. I... guess?"


    "Okay then." I grabbed him and Marie and stepped back to where we''d started. Oddly enough, the Black Dragon didn''t show up in M-Space like, at all that I could tell. "Marie, hold him so Her Unholy Fatassness doesn''t eat him?"


    She nodded, and I Co-Located across to the Mortal Realm. Everyone jumped a little at seeing me, at which point I pulled Mana direct from Mimic''s tentacles and whomped the corpse that looked like the Soul we''d rescued with a big ''ol Revive. He sat up, gasping, pretty much doing it in tune with the rest of the class. "Okay, the good news is that it looks like these three just need our handy local Psychopomp to find their Souls, at which point somebody can Smite them, drag them back here, and Revive them. The bad news is I think they''re hanging around as ghosts or specters or some shit like that until we find them and stop them over in M-Space."


    Everybody just stared at me. "What, have I got something on my face?"


    At that point Saffron just burst out laughing, and Sister Siobhan stepped up to me. "Did... did you just Revive him?"


    "Uh, yeah? Was I not supposed to?"


    She reached out, running a hand down the side of my face, leaving it against my chin. "You... you didn''t get that Mana from Loki, did you?"


    "No. Sorry?"


    She laughed, but it came out brittle. "She serves you. Doesn''t she?"


    Saffron stepped up, slipping an arm around me. "Of course I do. She is my loving wife, Champion of the Alliance, and the single most powerful military force in Atlantis. She''s also the one who declared me Imperator. Why would I not?" While she spoke, she slipped her hand up alongside Sister Siobhan''s, pinning it there.


    The Sister jerked back only to bump her butt into Marie''s thighs. "Oh. Well." She looked around the class, but most of them had, following the lead of Docs Glass and Z, started giving the recently Revived dude a thorough going over, I guess to figure out if he was likely to turn Undead again. Blend at work, I guessed.


    I realized just then that we kind of had her pinned, and she looked more than a little like she wanted to scamper like a rabbit. "Ladies, please." I laced my fingers through Saffron''s, letting Sister Siobhan''s hand free, and nodded at Marie, who more or less ignored me and stood there. Of course, she wasn''t so much ''blocking Sister Siobhan''s escape'' as just ''standing behind her'' anyway. I looked at the Sister and said, "it''s okay. You can run away if you want."


    Saffron laughed at me as Sister Siobhan shook her head convulsively. "Oh, my Goof. It is far too late for that. She''s committed herself to this course, and she knows the only way out is through."


    Sister Siobhan stiffened at that, then jerked her head in a single nod. She opened her mouth to say something, but Marie interrupted by saying, "True."


    I managed to catch her before she hit the floor, only to find the class staring at me as I held the Sister in my arms.


    "It''s not my fault this time!"

 Day Three Hundred And Seventy-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    "Wine comes in at the mouth, and love comes in at the eye; That''s all we shall know for truth, before we grow old and die."


    - William Butler Yeats, A Drinking Song


    Yeah, Mister Yeats, I''m not sure I agree with you there. In my experience, plenty of people come in the... wait... totally missed the word ''at'' there. Dodged a bullet, there, since the second line sounded kinda painful. Yes, I speak from experience. Never hooked up with that particular booty call again. As for what you meant to say, I dunno. I think love might start with the eyes, but it definitely comes in through the ears at first, then eventually just kinda seeps in through the skin. Not even talking about fuckin'' at this point, either. Just, y''know, touch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I definitely get playing with body parts with a lover is fun, and can put a couple layers of lacquer on a relationship, which can be good or bad. But the other part, that laying there, skin on skin, not moving, that''s the stuff of which long term bonds are made. Not even just with romantic partners.


    Back when I was really little, when my dad was still around, I think, my mom used to let me lean against her legs while she sat on the sofa doing... stuff. I have no idea what she was doing at this point. Reading, maybe? Sewing? Hell, she might have been watching TV for all I remember. The important part to me was her legs warm against my back, until the temperature equalized and I felt like an extension of her. Not in a bad way, either. Like she supported me backwards into the past, and I was her little bit that would forge forward into the future. What with the whole psychopomp thing, I kinda wonder if there''s some way I could, y''know, get in touch with her. Let her know that I might have died, but I''m still out here trying to make her proud.


    I don''t know if any of the shit I''ve done would do that. Getting married, maybe, but she was a little old fashioned, I don''t know if she''d have been on board with the whole Sapphic thing. Or the threesome thing, for that matter. I don''t think she''d be proud of me for being a fucking engine of destruction exactly, but maybe for standing up for people who couldn''t stand up for themselves. I think she''d be proud of me for what I did during the Plague, healing people who needed it. Of course, she might feel some kinda way with nobody healing her. But maybe, just maybe, if I can keep this shit up for another dozen years or so, she might be proud of me for being a mom. I could live with that, I think.


    So yesterday, some time mid afternoon, I wound up standing with Sister Siobhan in my arms, out like a light. The class stood there staring at me, all of them except the profs looking a little scandalized, while the collective Docs tried not to burst out laughing. Okay, Doc Glass and Doc DeLeon tried, and mostly succeeded. Doc Z let his laughter out as an ongoing snicker that just reinforced my impression of him as fuckin'' Ernie from Sesame Street. "Kitten, when they''re done examining, uh, him," I stumbled as I realized I hadn''t even asked the poor bastard his name. "Could you show them the Infirmary? I''m gonna carry Sister Siobhan to a bunk."


    "Of course, love." She leaned in and whispered, "remember, I get to see."


    Marie interrupted my outraged squawk with a simple, "We."


    "This is not a date!" I hissed. "There will be a date before any... deflorations!" Somehow I''d managed to pull off being all aggrieved while keeping my voice to a whisper. Probably because I didn''t want to wake Sister Siobhan up by screaming at her.


    Saffron pouted at me, her face still turned away from the class. "I didn''t get a date."


    "Same."


    "I didn''t deflower either of you! Also, I''ve taken both of you on dates." I shrugged at that point, "not as many as I''d like, but still, I have!"


    Saffron leaned in, kissed me on the cheek, almost on the temple, and whispered, "that''s why I want to see that too, love."


    "Exactly."


    Then the two of them turned and walked back to the class, leaving me holding the Sister. I made my way to my cabin, suddenly a little self conscious about the state we''d left it in. Marie had tidied a little, so there wasn''t trash on the floor and nothing had stains on it or anything like that, but the air definitely had a bit of a noticeable funk. I mean, normally I''m all about that. I kinda like it, sort of like an olfactory hickey, proof that deeds have been done. It''s not like it reeked, or the smell had gone bad. I couldn''t see Marie allowing that to happen. But that tiny bit of not quite locker room smell was definitely in the air.


    I lay her down on the bed, and a while later the first motion I noticed was her nose wriggling. Then her eyes shot open, and she shot upright. She sniffed the air again, and her cheeks went beet red. "I... Did?"


    I shook my head, smiling. "No, Sister. You realized something and it seemed a little much for you."


    She looked around, seemed to realize that wherever we were, we weren''t anywhere easy to eavesdrop on. She still kept her voice low when she said, "Mimic... she serves you." The words crawled out of her mouth like she wanted to vomit them out instead of speaking, but she didn''t give in, didn''t faint again, didn''t scream or puke or anything like that, other than wrapping her arms around herself.


    I realized right then that ''I really want to'' wasn''t going to cut it. My neo-Puritan upbringing might still be fighting tooth and nail to keep me from acting on my attraction to her, but it stood shoulder to shoulder with the morals I actually cared about when it came to Honesty and Consent. I have to tell her.


    Do you need us there, love?


    I thought about that for a second while Sister Siobhan slowly crumpled into herself. No. I don''t want her trapped. I might scare her off. I don''t want to scare her off. But if I can''t keep her without lying to her, I don''t deserve her. Don''t deserve any of you.


    I felt Saffron''s smile. Keep her?


    Shit. Take her. Oh, shit, that sounds worse, doesn''t it?


    I definitely got the impression that Murder Mittens had Opinions About the Sister her own self when she thought back, Better.


    Do you mind if we observe, that we might aid if you call for us?


    I took a deep breath. Sure. Just... not unless I call. "Sister?"


    She looked up, suddenly attentive. "Yes, Tabitha?"


    "You''re... not right. You''re not too far from right, but you''re not right. I..." I took a step back, flopped back to perch on my chair, surprised but happy when it neither squished nor let out a burst of eau de fuck right then. "I don''t want to scare you off."


    She laughed, a brittle thing, but still a laugh, when she said, "if you haven''t scared me off yet, I''m sure you won''t."


    "Says the woman who fainted at the thought that the Walking Ragnarok serves me."


    She shook her head, laughing a little more normally this time. "Oh, no. Well, maybe in part, but far more of it was the three of you. I... you are intimidating enough on your own, but I feel like.." she paused, thinking, and I gave her the time she needed. Eventually she nodded. "I feel like if, right in the middle of things, I had a change of heart, you would let me go. Without threats, or rancor, or anything of the sort."


    I winced, but chuckled, "oh, shit, please do not test that theory, Sister."


    "You mean you would force me?"


    I shook my head. "Oh, hell no. I wouldn''t. I wouldn''t want to. I don''t want to. But you... That... That would push me. Push some parts of me harder than others."


    She grinned at me. "While I''ve no actual experience, I take it some parts are supposed to be pushed harder than others?" When I did a passable spit take for not actually drinking anything, she laughed and said, "no, you would let me go. I have absolute faith in you, Tabitha. Your... your partners, I''m not so sure on."


    I shrugged. "Oh, they''d let you go the moment you gave the word."


    Her smile went wry and she said, "and they would never deny me the ability to speak until it was far, far too late, would they."


    I chuckled a little again. "Yeah, but, y''know, Marie''s pretty solidly on the Consent bandwagon herself. Although I''ve never tried to stop her right in the middle."


    "And the Imperator?"


    I sighed, thinking about some of the really shady kinky shit we''d done. "Oh, yeah. That''s a fuckin'' tar pit you could drown in joyously. I speak from experience."


    She blushed, but said, "I''m sure you would rescue me."


    "If you wanted to be rescued, sure." I waggled my eyebrows. "But would I get the traditional Hero''s reward?"


    She tapped a nail against her teeth. She didn''t really do the coquette thing well, but by god she was trying. "I suppose you might, at that. I really have been looking forward to the successful conclusion of our date, after all."


    You realize, Daughter, that if you took her right now and called this field trip your date, she would likely support that declaration?


    Yeah, but I wouldn''t. Date first. Fuck after. Now hush.


    With Loki''s laughter echoing through my head, I realized the solution to the problems I''d seen and even a few I hadn''t. Kitten? Can you pop up our little privacy bubble?


    Oh, my. Getting the Black Dragon involved in the Sister''s defloration?


    No. Well, not right now. Maybe on the day, but I don''t think she''s really into acrobatic antics. Definitely not experienced enough to enjoy them yet. Ward?


    Already in place, love.


    I stood, held a hand out to Sister Siobhan and said, "come with me."


    If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    She said, "so forward. Isn''t there normally more physical contact required?" Okay, she stuttered her way through that, but she also put her hand in mine without the slightest hesitation. A moment later we stood on the mast of the Black Dragon, darkness below us, a sky full of stars above us. She looked around, then looked at me, her expression an intense mix of fear, anticipation, and hope. "Is there a reason we need privacy?"


    I had to tell her, at least as much to avoid a lie by omission as any other reason. I wouldn''t lie my way onto her body list, no matter how much I wanted to be at the top of it. "Yes, but not what you think. Tell Canta I need to speak with him."


    Her face went blank, but she nodded. "He sees with my eyes, hears with my ears."


    I closed my eyes, gathered my courage, then looked her right in the eye. "In person. Now, please."


    She tried to hide her wince. "A single question first?" When I nodded, she asked, "has my lord displeased you?"


    I shrugged. "Not that I know of. Nothing I can think of. Unless he''s pissed you off or treated you badly somehow?"


    She shook her head, her denial as urgent as it was sincere. "No!"


    "Okay then. Canta? I''m waiting." With an effort of will, I reached out to Mimic, stilled her endless writhing, paused her dance with her Kraken. A moment later Sister Siobhan gasped, and a man stood behind her. An older dude, his gray hair slowly drifting toward silver-white to match his hood and robe. He wasn''t handsome, not even the kind of ''used to be handsome, but got old'', and definitely not ''distinguished gentleman'' handsome. He wasn''t even ugly. Just an average dude who had got old, maybe lost some weight along the way and shriveled up a little. His eyes, though, flashed with intelligence and emotion. Concern. Care. Affection, when he glanced at his High Priestess. Curiosity, as he looked around at the mast and the Ward surrounding us. Finally, above all, threading through everything else, spiking whenever he looked at me, Fear.


    I sighed. That was gonna get way fuckin'' worse before it got better. If it ever did. He laid one hand on Sister Siobhan''s shoulder, the gesture half seeking support, half ready to pull her behind himself.


    I sucked a lungful of air through my nose, then looked him in the eye and said, "is this all of you?"


    He knew what I meant immediately. "No."


    "All of you, here, now. Please."


    "Or?" He pulled Sister Siobhan to stand just behind him and to one side.


    A million thoughts ran through my head. ''It''s not a request''. ''Or I make them come here''. So many other ways to terrify one or both of them into unquestioning obedience.


    I choked them all back, my hand rising involuntarily to plead with Sister Siobhan for patience, for support. "Or you both can go. I..." I looked around, realized that despite our apparent privacy, it wasn''t. I Shaped Mana and blocked out everything save the three of us and my two High Priestesses. I looked Sister Siobhan in the eye. "I need to tell you something. I want to... I want to be with you, to do everything we''ve talked about and more, but I can''t... I won''t do that with a lie hanging between us. But it''s a secret. One that no one outside my immediate family knows."


    Sister Siobhan smiled, shaking her head. "I''m sure Lord Loki knows."


    I stared at her. "He does."


    She stood there, adorably clueless, until Canta wheezed out, "that was not the contradiction you thought it to be, my High Priestess."


    Gibbering madness danced around the edges of her eyes, but the Sister swallowed and said, "so, you are his..."


    "Daughter. Adopted."


    She let out a titter. "Oh. Well. That''s not that big of a secret. I think I heard something of the sort once, dismissed it as exaggeration or metaphor. But..."


    "That''s not the secret."


    "So... this secret you protect. If we leave now, knowing it exists, what will happen to us?"


    I looked up at Canta, shrugged, and said, "I''m not sure. Probably? You''ll forget. I''ll cancel my date with Sister Siobhan, and she''ll be hurt, and wonder why, but eventually won''t remember anything about why I cancelled. You might try to remember. You might even succeed, maybe. I kinda doubt it, but maybe. But I won''t do anything bad to either of you." I looked at Sister Siobhan. "I like you. Even if we never manage to find a day for that date, even if our date is a dud and we both sleep in our own beds that night, I like you. You... you were the first person here who was nice to me. You might be the reason I thought that maybe I could be a better person here. A Hero, rather than just some kind of grifter or even an outright villain. But... I like you. I hope that if you walk away, when the hurt at me cancelling fades, you''ll still want to be my friend."


    "Always."


    I shook my head. "I hope that if you stay, and I show you, you''ll still be my friend. Not, I dunno, some kind of..." I looked away a moment, then looked Canta in the eye. Give the man credit, he didn''t flinch, and I got the strong impression he wanted to just nope the fuck out. "Look, I want to tell her. If I tell her, you''re gonna know, so I might as well tell you. But for that to happen? I need all of you here. Now. Please."


    He shuddered. "If I do that, you could kill me. End me, truly." At Siobhan''s gasp, he explained, "I have seen her walk to Hel. She could deliver me unto Fenris, feed me to the wolf of Ragnarok. She could..."


    I interrupted, laying a hand on his where he still held Sister Siobhan''s shoulder. "End you right here, right now, if that''s what I wanted to do. But I don''t. Were you watching when I laid down the law with Gregor? Right after the Battle of the Bands?"


    An involuntary smile stretched his face for a moment. "The Dagda dragged us all together to listen. Not that many of us failed to notice Domnu walking the Earth." The smile left his face so fast I might have imagined it, "Domnu, you..."


    I held up one hand, and he shut the fuck up. "Please. Stop guessing, stop talking. Know that my only goal in this is honesty with your High Priestess Sister Siobhan, because I won''t have a lie between us when I seduce her."


    He laughed, a tiny bit of hysteria in his voice now. "So forward."


    "Yeah, I can''t lie for shit, so I might as well just be up front about it. I''m kinda wondering right now if she''ll scream your name in the middle, and if that counts as Worship or not." He actually coughed out a laugh at that.


    "So trusting, too. I could tell you I have complied, but how would you know?"


    I reached into him, through him, a little surprised when I found only one other Canta anywhere, that one somewhere far to the east of us. "I''d know. And if you already agreed that all of you would be here? I''d bring you here." His jaw dropped, but before he could speak, I said, "decide. Now. Learn, or forget. I swear, those will be the only consequences of your decision if I can at all help it."


    His head jerked, he opened his mouth to speak, but Sister Siobhan interrupted with, "Please?" When he looked down at her, she sank to her knees. "Please, Lord? I know I am unworthy, that I was chosen only out of necessity as your tool to fight against Apollo''s Plague, but I beg of you, please." When he raised an eyebrow, a flicker of communication passing between them, she said, "she is my friend, and I do not wish to forget how much she cares, nor drift away from her because of that."


    He hesitated, and I applied a little gentle pressure to his hand with mine, squeezing Sister Siobhan''s shoulder. "Just be honest, dude. Nothing bad gonna happen, nothing to lose either way." I shot him my very best grin to lure him in and finished with, "don''t you wanna know all my innermost secrets too?"


    "Tabitha! Are you trying to seduce my God?"


    I shrugged one shoulder. "Hey, if I gotta get the old dude off to get under your robes? Small price, willingly paid."


    He choked out a laugh, shook his head, and said, "you were not a forced choice, my child. Rather, I''d been forced to neglect you previously, and she," he nodded at me, "and Lord Dionysus freed my hand, that I might elevate you properly." He took a deep breath, and I felt him suck his Avatar back into himself. "In return of that favor, I will grant this to my favorite daughter of Phileo."


    I looked down at Sister Siobhan. "Sister? Last chance. Learn or forget?"


    "After my Lord has granted me his permission? How could I choose otherwise?"


    I grinned, a little savagery maybe leaking into it. "Because I like him entirely because I like you. So you get one... last... chance."


    She tittered, then said, "it sounds like if I say ''yes, tell me'', my defloration by your hand is inevitable." I stared at her, my lip curling slowly into a Grin worthy of Saffron. "Oh." She pushed herself to her feet. "Okay then. Tak... uh, tell me."


    I reached forward with my other hand, took Canta''s hand in my right, Sister Siobhan''s in my left, and stepped us to M-Space.


    Canta shuddered, almost literally paralyzed with fright, and clutched at my hand. Sister Siobhan gasped, but looked around at the semi-corporeal tentacles surrounding us. She pushed into one, reached out to take Canta''s free hand, then frowned when she couldn''t pull it into the tentacle where she stood.


    "I am... too real here, my child." His hand got a little gray where the tentacle touched it. I frowned, concentrated, and Mimic stopped that shit. I rose, pulling them along behind me until we stood atop a sea of tentacles. The last time we''d been here, they''d been waving, undulating, gradually shifting everything toward Mimic''s Maw. Now they all stood stiff, quivering almost. Each and every one focused on the three of us. On one of us, really. On Sister Siobhan.


    She looked around at the tentacles that stretched to the horizon on all sides, glancing at the brilliant stars above us, then back down at the tentacles below us, faintly flickering with the lights of the dancing Kraken in the Bay. "This... this is her?"


    I shifted my Blend around us, pushing it up until we were a shadow of a dream. Then I gripped both of their hands, not hard enough to hurt, just enough to keep them from falling if they slipped or tried to step away, and dropped my personal Blend. "No, Sister. This is me."


    Her eyes shot wide, her face paled, and I dropped a Stabilize through her hand. She shuddered, but stood. She slipped her hand free of my grip, then raised it to stroke my cheek. "So soft... but... spiky? I wonder..." she blushed again, but pulled herself together quickly, suddenly completely sober. "How long?"


    "I mean, I''m gonna stretch it out as long as I can, so that''s entirely up to how long you can keep going. Or, y''know, if you''re asking, yeah, I can shapeshift, so ''as long as you need and or want it''."


    She rolled her eyes. Then she looked... angry. "No. How long since you replaced her?"


    I blinked. She was mad. Mad at me. No, mad at Mimic, because she didn''t realize. I smiled at her, shaking my head. "How long have I been this?" She nodded. "Been Mimic?" Another nod, and somehow a bunch of shit fell into place. "Longer than I''ve known. The first clue I had... You remember my nightmares, that I came to you with?"


    "Yes?"


    "That was me. Her. The rest of her, the rest of me, still trapped in that fucking chest, one tiny bit free enough to free the rest of me, but too fucking clueless to realize until," I paused, realizing maybe why I''d felt so strongly about Sister Siobhan this whole time. "Until someone with no fuckin'' reason to help a poor abandoned Primordial in a box told me to go looking. To go find myself and free myself." I paused, let go of Canta''s hand, and lay my palms on her cheeks. "How long have I been Mimic?"


    She quailed, but forced out, "that is the question I asked you, Mimic."


    I smiled at her. "Call me Tabitha? Please? I mean, unless you get warm fuzzies calling me Mimic, but I''d still rather you two kept this secret."


    Canta grimaced at me. "How will I keep this secret from The Dagda?"


    "Does he automatically know what you know?"


    He shook his head. "No, but... Mimic. You are free. You..." He looked around. shuddering. "Even now, you could end all the Tuatha de Danann. How can I keep that from them?"


    I shrugged. "Don''t tell them."


    "But if the Dagda asks?"


    "Don''t tell him."


    "If he commands me? Forces me?"


    I pulled one hand from Sister Siobhan''s cheek, gripped his shoulder. "Then you tell her." I flexed something, and felt that same connection to Sister Siobhan that I shared with Saffron and Marie. "She tells me, and I will teach The fuckin'' Dagda some fuckin lessons about fuckin'' Consent. You get me?"


    He nodded, but before I could refocus on important things, said, "how can I tell her when you''ve... taken her." Siobhan blinked, and she blushed.


    I frowned. "Check that again? I think the verb you''re looking for is ''shared''. Y''know, kinda like my wifes are gonna be doing with her. Sharing me." I grinned, nodded at our surroundings. "There''s a lot of me to go around, but still, Saffron''s pretty greedy jealous."


    The woman herself appeared, draped over my shoulders not unlike a certain Heir-Consort Lancaster was wont to do with Larry, and said, "but still eager to share, at least with you, Siobhan." Then she was gone.


    I turned to Sister Siobhan, put my hand back on her other cheek, and said, "how long have I been Mimic, Walking Ragnarok, Black Swan with a Thousand, Thousand Young? How long have I been Tabitha Diaz?" She jerked her head in a nod. "Since I woke on the bed of the Delaware, killed a berserk Dragon attacking the Aquarium, passed out, and woke up in a cot. In front of the woman who convinced me, right then and there, that while all of that is who I am, where I came from?" I waited until she opened her mouth to ask, then said, "The woman that convinced me that what I wanted to try to be, more than anything else, was a fuckin'' Hero?"


    I leaned down and pressed my forehead against hers. "Yeah, I might be too much of an Unholy dark bitch for things to work out in the long run. Yeah, you might decide between now and the end of our date that me being Mimic is, like, your ultimate lady-boner-killer. But know this, Sister Siobhan Darling, that when the avalanche that I am runs its course, if the world is even a slightly better place? It''s because you pushed that first pebble the right way, just by being you. Kind, considerate, caring you."


    She lunged at me, her hands pulling at mine, and I laughed with joy as I stared into the endless depths of need in her eyes. "No kiss until our date''s done," I singsonged. Completely accidentally tripping over Saffron''s built in endorphin button with Siobhan staring into my eyes.


    Well, right up until Siobhan.exe crashed hard and her eyelids fluttered shut, at least.

 Day Three Hundred And Eighty

    Dear Diary,


    "My mother gave me a sense of independence, a sense of total confidence that we could do whatever it was we set out to do. That''s how we were raised."


    - Robin Wright


    Yeah, I don''t know if my mom did that for me, exactly. I think she always saw me as a little bit too ungirly, and she was a little bit too traditional, for me to fit into any of the roles that she could see a woman in. Don''t get me wrong, that was a lot of roles; Eastside Camden was functionally a female society for the most part. You take all the men away and vibe sales might go up. You take the women away and the economy of the remaining ghost town fuckin'' collapses like a post-apocalyptic wasteland or some shit. But almost all of that stuff is the normal, day to day business of people living their lives. I think I''ve discovered in the here and now that while I kinda enjoy some parts of that, it''s definitely not where my strengths lie. I mean seriously, look at bath time. Saffron''s the meticulous one that makes sure the kids aren''t hiding grime anywhere. Marie puts their clothes on properly, making sure they fit and have them on right and everything. I make wet kid not wet, mostly.


    But then, she spent pretty much the whole time I knew her working to make sure I''d have a future. Like, I don''t think she had any idea what I''d wind up doing, but she made sure I''d get there to do it. Even if she never got to see it.


    So yesterday after Siobhan checked out, I looked at Canta and said, "you want a ride back to Phileo with her?"


    He shook his head, but said, "if you would be so kind, please."


    I hefted Siobhan over my shoulder, because while a princess carry is cute and feels totally special when somebody does it, it''s also pretty fuckin impractical if you need your other hand, and she was out like a light anyway. I took Canta''s hand, stepped us to the Infirmary, then lay Siobhan on one of the cots. "Hey, Grandma?"


    Grandma wandered over from where she''d been doing something with some of the other cots, and I nodded to Canta. "Grandma Aetos, this is Canta. Canta, this is Grandma Aetos. Can you guys watch her until she wakes up?"


    They both agreed, and I hopped back home, stopping in the bedroom just long enough to make sure everybody was mostly snuggled up before stepping into the bathroom, ditching my clothes in a laundry basket, and slipping into the steaming hot bath. I moved slowly, more out of a desire to avoid stepping on Maze than any need to acclimate. Yeah, that shit burned, but it burned so, so good. After a few minutes, she slipped around atop me, pushed me a little further under the water without pushing me all the way to the bottom, then curled up on top of me and went to sleep.


    Nothing major happened in Calverton, just a few red flares Olga took care of.


    When I went over to Loki''s cave to visit, he took one look at me and facepalmed. Kinda hilarious watching him do it, especially when he reached out, grabbed the table, plonked it in front of him, and just pointed to it. He spent most of the day doing really delicate shit around my head.


    "What did you... no, wait, do I even want to ask?"


    "Someone beat my face in."


    "Do I even want to know what you did to them?"


    I nodded. "Yeah. I beat her face in." He blinked. "I killed some kid''s mom and dad. I couldn''t very well not avenge them for her, could I?"


    He just stared at me, flipped me over, and went to work massaging my scalp.


    Got home at the end of the day feeling better than normal. After all, I''d only wound up dying once over the past week, and that one was purely self-inflicted, which left the damage pretty well contained to my face.


    Slipped into the tub, but this time kept my head out of the water. When Maze popped her ears and eyes out of the water, I asked, "so, Maze, may I marry your mama Marie? I really wound kinda like to be your mama, but I don''t have to be if you don''t want me to be." She frowned, almost nodded, but then shook her head. I sighed. "Okay then. Hey, do you have to sleep in here, or is just more comfortable?"


    She thought about that for a moment, then lifted her mouth clear long enough to say, "nice. Feels safe."


    I nodded. "Okay, yeah, I get that. I''m not messing that up, am I?" She shook her head. "Do I make it better when I stay with you?" I got a tiny nod from her. "Okay then. I''ll stay. But..." I paused, waited for her to get a questioning look, "you''d be even safer in the pile with Marie and Saffron and I, you know. You''re absolutely welcome there, too. If you want."


    She popped up long enough to say, "maybe." Then she dove under the water, and when I felt more than saw her curl up on my chest I let myself slip under the surface of the water. The heat of the water combined with the post-Loki rubdown workout to melt all my stress away and send me straight to sleep.


    In the morning, when Maze brought up the tail end of the morning bath crowd, while Saffron lathered her hair she asked, "so, Maze, have you made up your mind yet?" When Maze didn''t answer, she continued, "about whether Tabitha and I have your permission to marry Marie?"


    Maze slowly turned and quietly asked, "you''re asking me?"


    "Of course. It would be stupid to try and tell you, and I do try not to be stupid."


    Maze thought about that while Saffron turned her around and continued scrubbing. "But you''re the Imperator."


    "Yes."


    "You tell people what to do all the time."


    After pouring water over her head to rinse her hair, Saffron turned her around and pulled her just a little closer before staring in on her front. "I ought not teach you this, what with you not being our daughter yet, but good faith gestures are important. I rarely tell anyone what to do."


    "No?"


    Saffron shook her head. "No. I explain why something is the right thing to do. I ask them to do it. Sometimes I have to find out what will convince them to do it for me."


    Maze cocked her head, which Saffron corrected to get behind her ears. "How?"


    Saffron leaned in and stage whispered, "I ask them." Then she pulled back, smiled that beautiful smile I would do anything for and asked, "so, Maze, is there anything you could think of that would convince you to let Tabitha and I marry Marie and become your mamas?"


    Maze stood there pondering while Saffron finished bathing her. At the end of the bath, she leaned in, gave Saffron a quick hug, then said, "no."


    I didn''t push anything; I''d asked the night before, and I''d set myself a limit of once a day, so I didn''t hound the poor kid to death about it. I just patted and squeezed her dry. I got a hug when I finished anyway.


    I took Saffron to the Practice Yard. Today I had her lifting weights. It''s so weird that even with her being an absolute recruiting poster for short stack supremacy, she can still not only lift me, but can bench press her own weight with me sitting on it. No idea how she''s gotten so strong without losing her basic curvy squish. I mean, I''m ripped as shit, when I see him at lunch now Bill looks like he''d fit right in at one of those ''strong man'' competitions, and if Angel has some fuckin'' bodacious curves, they''re pretty clearly layered over like half again as much muscle as Bill. But my petite pulse pounding paragon of pulchritudinousness must have had steel cables buried deep under all the adorable squish I loved to squish so much.


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    Not even gonna talk about the fact that I can''t really do anything except high rep workouts in the Practice Yard, because all the fuckin'' weights are too light for me to do anything that would qualify as ''power lifting'' for me. I mean, I still did some lifting while Saffron caught her breath between sets. At one point I set her down on one of the two biggest barbells we had, pointed at the other and said, "one on each, please?" then started alternating curls with her clinging to the weights with her hands and legs.


    She turned and glowered over her shoulder at me. "Show off."


    "Sorry," I lied blatantly. "The weights by themselves just aren''t enough to even get me breaking a sweat. I mean, you''re only adding what, maybe eighty pounds, tops, to each one? But," I shook the weights a little, enjoying the way it made her butt jiggle. "The view is way better this way."


    "Turn me about," she commanded, and I juggled the weights, spinning them and catching them so both of her faced me. She clamped her legs around the weights hard enough I could see her muscles flex through the squish, and leaned her chin on her interlaced fingers, elbows on her knees. "No need to be sorry. It wasn''t a complaint. It was a command. Because I agree with you about the view."


    Yeah, despite my use of the verb, I can''t really ''juggle''. Just toss things up and catch them most of the time. Gotta say, it''s impressive that I could see some frontal jiggle physics even through her uniform jacket.


    "I think we might need a set of weights for the Library, love."


    I laughed, "enjoying the show?"


    She stuck both of her tongues out at me and chorused, "the ride''s not bad either. But I was thinking of something else." She waved me over, and I pulled both of her in so she could whisper in my ear. "fresh sweat."


    It wasn''t fresh by any means, but both of us were pretty fuckin'' soaked by the end of the day. With sweat. Entirely what I meant. Sweat. Really.


    Today was another boring day on overwatch in Calverton. The one time I had to go in, with Olga and her crew responding to one flag while Marie took care of another, it was in a side alley suspiciously like sus alley. A big crowd of basic bitch undead, which charged right after I got there. I cranked my Blend up and drifted through them, chain casting Smite and tagging them one at a time. All of them dusted, no more suspicious bodies to research.


    I sauntered back to the squad. One kid stepped forward, couldn''t have been more than fourteen, but by his uniform he was a Calverton Soldier. "You in charge?"


    "Yes, Majesty!"


    I reached over, rustled his hair, then leaned in to kiss him on the forehead. "Good job, kid." He looked like he felt some kinda way, so I stopped myself from collapsing back to the Black Dragon and said, "what?"


    "I... I''m not a child, Majesty."


    He blushed so fuckin'' cute when he said it. I reached out, grabbed his chain shirt and the padding beneath it, and lifted him to look me in the eye. "You''re not?"


    "No, Majesty!"


    "Oh, good." I slammed his back against a wall, pinning him there, then did my best impression of Marie''s tonsil invasion. When I let him go, he hung there kinda dazed, but when I wrinkled my nose at him and said, "good boy," he grinned like an idiot. I dropped him and collapsed back to the mast.


    Thinking about the bodies had reminded me, and while I dealt with the squad commander, I grabbed Marie and Co-Located a pair of each of us over to M-Space. We tracked down the other two specters, both of whom were doing some weird Nosferatu shit over some faintly glowing forms on the floor. The glows went away when I Smited the specters.


    The first dude looked at me and said, "why?"


    "Why try and rescue you?"


    "Rescue? You''ve doomed me to yet again live without any of my loved ones!"


    I shrugged. "Dude, if you''re that set on joining them..."


    "You''d threaten to kill me?"


    I shook my head. "Dude, you''re dead. You''re a Soul. Your body''s on my ship. I could Revive you, kinda planned on it, but if you really don''t have anything to live for, like not even trying to free Calverton for, like, friends and distant relatives? I can give you a ride to wherever your family went when they died."


    He scoffed. "Ares would never allow you near the elysian fields."


    I cocked my head. "Bitch please. Arse tries to keep me out I''ll feed him his fuckin'' kneecaps. Besides, isn''t that place just for, like, people who die famous and shit? I hate to break it to you, but your family died of Plague, right?" At his nod, before he could go off again, I said, "then they puked themselves to death, or suffocated from the snot and blood in their lungs. Not Glorious ways to die. Why I Cured as many people as I could. So your family''s probably in Hades. Sure as shit you''re not slated for the Fields either, what with the whole, ''willingly becoming an abomination unto the gods'' thing. But I''m willing to give you a ride to Hades, maybe put in a good word, see if I can''t bribe him into letting you stay with them?"


    He looked away. "Fine."


    I reached out, took his Soul by the hand, then took Marie''s hand. "Lead the way, please?"


    She stepped us to another huge, dark, and gloomy cave. We stood outside what looked more like a shop than anything else I could think of. Marie stepped forward and knocked on the door.


    "Come." Dude with a quiet baritone called out. Marie led us in. A dude sat behind a desk that stretched most of the way across the room. He looked up from some kind of accounting book, then blinked a little when he caught sight of my Maenad. "Marie?" He stood, then came around the desk, arms open. She stepped forward, and if the hug looked a little awkward, as much of that was from the dude acting like he simultaneously wanted to hover hand the thing and squish her like you''d do to a kid as from any hesitation on Marie''s part. Then he turned to me. "Who are your friends?"


    I stepped forward, holding out a hand. "Tabitha Diaz. Champion of Loki. Also maybe sorta gonna be Marie''s wife some time in the future."


    He turned to Marie. "Does my nephew know?" Marie just shrugged, eloquently expressing her lack of fucks over that topic. He turned back to me and shook my hand once. I got a sense of subtle power there; not a crusher grip or anything like it, just a dude with strong enough hands to give a good handshake. "Daring enough to steal away Dionysus'' favorite and to walk into the land of the dead unafraid. Although I suppose if our Marie brought you here, she can carry you out again just as easily."


    "Hey, I''m not stealing nothing. I''m marrying her. Wife does not equal property. Sharing, maybe. Probably. Okay, sharing. No way she''s giving up the D for me."


    "Maybe."


    I coughed. "Holy shit, Marie. Just go ahead and drop that bomb on me. Wow. No pressure." I pulled her in for a hug, and at the last moment she lifted my chin up and bent down to turn it into a deep, thorough, yet somehow still sweet kiss.


    When I pulled away, accountant dude looked at me grinning. "Persephone would love you." Then he sighed, and shit fell into place.


    "Hades?"


    He nodded, "Lord of the Underworld. I take it this one," he nodded to the Soul behind me, squinting a little, "Jonathan Adamos," He frowned. "Destined for Tartarus." He spat to the side. "Undead."


    I stepped between them. "Yeah, I gotta admit to some culpability there. Although most of it''s Apollo''s fault."


    "You would accuse my nephew of creating Undead abominations?"


    I shrugged, but didn''t back down. I really wasn''t looking for a fight today. "Yeah, he was shooting Plague arrows at me. And missed by, like, over a hundred miles. Dropped Plague all over Calverton, killed like ninety thousand people, so many that they didn''t have enough left to bury their dead."


    He frowned. "I''d heard he''d been shooting at someone. How is it you''re still alive then?"


    I smiled up at him. Now that I was looking past his unassuming clerkish appearance, I realized he had some height on him. Definitely related to Dionysus. "Yeah, I''m a little bit hard to kill." Marie lost her shit laughing at that, which definitely broke up the tension.


    Hades, amused by the laughing Maenad literally rolling on the floor laughing, said, "so it seems. Yet even so, what reason would I have for not imprisoning this one?"


    I shrugged. "I dunno. Persephone''s a nature goddess, right?"


    "Yes."


    "So you think she''d maybe like a little sunlight down here? I could maybe arrange something like that for you."


    He frowned. "My nephew wouldn''t sully his precious sun by bringing it here."


    "Yeah. I think maybe I could make it happen anyway. He''s not the only sun god out there, and my wife''s maybe got some sway with one of them."


    "Marie?"


    "No, the other one."


    He blinked, then looked down at Marie. "You''ve agreed to this?"


    She shook her head, looked at me with a raised eyebrow, and said, "Yet."


    I smiled and helped her up. "I haven''t asked her yet. Officially. But, y''know, we''ve discussed it. So... skylights in exchange for letting Jonathan here stay with his family?"


    He frowned at the Soul behind me, then said, "I''ll think on it. He may remain while I do."


    "Cool! Thanks!" I held out a hand, Hades took it and shook it, and Marie and I collapsed back into the pair of us on the mast.


    Fortunately the other specter, a woman, didn''t have anything like the gripe our earlier rescues had. I Smited her, confirmed she wanted to be Revived, then dropped her at General Hargreaves'' office where she enlisted right there and then.


    Nothing totally exciting. Just another boring day. Even if it did get a little sweaty in some fun ways.


    Oh, yeah, I totally stole some of the Practice Yard lifting gear for the Love Shack.

 Day Three Hundred And Eighty-One

    Dear Diary,


    "The biggest surprise, which is also the best, is that I didn''t know I would love motherhood as much as I do."


    - Deborah Norville


    Holy shit yes. This, absolutely this. I never set out to be a Mom. Like, I pretty much stumbled into that shit, and I''m not even talking ''forgot to wrap it up'' or ''didn''t take my pill''. Straight up Just Happened to my adorable little Kitten, and she just happened to come as a BOGO offer with the Menace. I still kinda remember when she first started trying to nurse, with me getting all weirded out and going on about lactose free boobage. I say kinda remember not just because my memory is a leaky sieve, and I know sieves are by nature a collection of leaks, but my memory is an extra leaky one, but because the memories I do have, the ones slow burned into my brain that I can''t forget, are the ones with her snuggled up nursing.


    I''m a very physical person. I''ve come to realize that about myself. I think when Saffron Shapes Mana she thinks of it as using her mind to guide and control something external to her, but for me, it''s totally pushing parts of me out into the world. That physicality is probably why even on a slow day, I''ll think about fuckin'' or fighting or maybe feasting way more than I think about, I dunno, stopping in Hargreaves'' office to check on supplies, or watching the remaining stupid gulls diving in the Bay for food. But when it came to breastfeeding Isnomi, it''s like any of the other connections I''ve made. It''s the ones with some kind of physical component that just grab hold of my brain and sear themselves in.


    So after the inevitable post-workout slip and slide Shack session, Saffron and I slipped into the Imperator''s Suite bedroom just as the kiddos were bedding down for the night. While Saffron settled Isnomi and her posse, and Marie did the same for the horde hoard, I wandered into the bathroom. Maze stood there poking at the fire that heated the tub water. By the newness of the logs, I figured she''d only just gotten the fire going.


    "Hey Maze. How''d your day go?"


    She shrugged, then when I waited silently she said, "good, I guess."


    I moved over so I could sit on the edge of the tub. Close enough she could come sit with me, or even lean against me without giving up tending her fire. "Did you do anything fun?"


    She shrugged, and I waited. "The kids played tag, and hide and seek."


    "You say that like you''re not one of the kids."


    She looked at me, almost surprised I''d caught that. "Isnomi always wins hide and seek. Tag... I don''t do so well."


    I tilted my head. "Aren''t you Horse Girl? Don''t horses run pretty fast?" She shot me a look that mixed horrified and offended. "Look, other than ''maybe Bag'' and ''horse ears and tail'', I''ve got no idea what your background is. Other than wanting to get to know you and what''s important about it to you, I don''t much care, either. So I''m just, like, guessing. I''m sorry I said something wrong."


    She sighed and poked at the fire. "You... didn''t. I''m a dud. Papa could run. Mama chased him down." I noticed a few tears dripping from her eyes, but didn''t say anything; if she wanted to ignore them, I''d sure as shit play along. "I... can''t run."


    "Okay. Um, like, ''can''t run'' like you''ve got a limp, or ''can''t run'' like you can''t keep up with little miss Runs With Wolves, or ''can''t run'' like you''re not a jock?" She shot me a head tilt at that last word, and I said, "not an athlete?"


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    She nodded. "I like books."


    I felt myself grinning before I realized it. "Really?" Then I thought about what kinds of books I''d seen here. "Do you like stories?" She blinked, but nodded. "I''d really like to show you something, but I can''t bring them in here. Do you trust me?" I held out a hand toward her. Not reaching for her, just offering a hand for her to take.


    She froze, staring at my hand. After a long, long moment she reached out and put her hand in mine. "Yes."


    I dropped a Create Water on the fire, because the last thing we needed was to start a fire in the bathroom, then stepped us both to the Suite in the Academy. Then I turned her to where I''d put the little bookshelf full of paperbacks, right next to our armoire. While she watched, eyes wide, I hunted through the thing until I found the one I''d been looking for. I held it out to her, and she reached out, tentative until I nodded, and stroked her hand across the cover. "Did you want me to read it to you?"


    She pouted up at me. "I can read."


    I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I get that, kinda figured if you liked books more than running around you could, but this book is in English."


    She returned my rolled eyes with interest. "Silly to put the title in English if it''s not." Then she slid her finger across the words of the title. "Wee Free Men?"


    Right then something I should have realized, but didn''t, even though it had been right in front of me the whole time, hit me right in the fucking face like a trout launched from a fish cannon. Maze didn''t have an ''odd accent''. I mean, when she spoke to Marie and Saffron she sounded a little weird, but nothing I could put my finger on. But when we were alone, just me and her, she had been speaking fucking English, and I hadn''t even realized until now. I laughed out loud, scooped her up, dropped into Saffron''s chair with her in my lap, and put the book in her hands. "Okay then. Go ahead. I think you''ll like it."


    It took me a little bit to explain that the pages with the publisher''s information and all that other stupid bullshit weren''t really part of the story, but then she got to ''Some things start before other things'', and off she went.


    She didn''t read fast. She was six fuckin'' years old. She read out loud to herself most of the time, more sounding out the words than really ''reading aloud''. But for all that she plowed steadily through. A couple times we hit words she didn''t know, or mispronounced, and I helped her out, quietly whispering the pronunciation or the meaning, whichever she needed. When she got to the Nac Mac Feegle dialogue she giggled, looked up at me, and said, "they sound like when Saffron or Isnomi try to speak English."


    "Not me?"


    She shook her head and went back to reading, smiling at the goofy adult who didn''t even know what accent she did or didn''t have.


    It must have been at least an hour or three later when she crumpled forward, asleep sitting up. I caught her without waking her, and the book without damaging it. Definitely in that order, because even one of my carefully cared for stash of paperbacks wasn''t as important or irreplaceable as a little kid. Especially one that seemed to like reading as much as Saffron and I. With her curled up against me, I fished a pair of Isnomi''s panties out of the armoire to use as a bookmark, then slipped the book back onto the bookshelf and stepped us back to Lancaster House.


    By dint of much wriggling, a little help from Marie, and maybe some size-shifting shenanigans, I squirmed into place between Saffron and Marie. I''d intended to go to sleep on the far side of Saffron from Marie, but my Kitten had sleepily insisted by tugging me between them, and I wasn''t about to argue. The wriggling and squirming and shifting didn''t go unnoticed by my passenger. When I settled down, one arm still around her, she muzzily pushed herself half-upright, then pushed at my arm until it stuck out beside me. Saffron took advantage of that to use my arm as a pillow, but not before Maze slipped down to my side and pillowed her head on my bicep her own self. Saffron reached out to snuggle her in, but our little horse-girl murmured crankily and burrowed herself into my side.


    I almost didn''t hear the tiny murmur she mumbled into my side, but when my brain finally made sense of it, I froze, shattered, and melted all at once.


    "Papa."

 Day Three Hundred And Eighty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    "My father? I never knew him. Never even seen a picture of him."


    - Eminem


    Yeah, I feel that. After yesterday flipped to the section on dads in one of those self-help books and yeah, that one just stood out. I mean, maybe it was just her missing her papa. But shit, if she''s looking at me as a father figure, I got a bunch of studying up to do. Beyond the basic, ''how the fuck do I dad when I''m a woman'' thing, which isn''t nearly as hard as you''d think what with the dearth of dads back at Eastside, there''s also the whole ''if I''m the dad, how does that affect how I interact with my kids'' thing. Seriously, you take your kids in the shower as a mom, nobody bats an eye, you take your kids in the shower as a dad and people start giving you side eye.


    Then again, maybe that''s more a man versus woman thing. At least I hope it is. Maybe it''s part of the toxic masculinity thing, too, where guys aren''t supposed to be physically affectionate with their kids, no matter what gender. Because the assholes who promote that shit think that any male human trying to touch any female human is obviously trying to sex her up, and if a father hugs his sons it might encourage them to have emotions and shit. Fuck, given how many homophobic Senators used to get caught hooking up with dudes in truck stop bathrooms, I wouldn''t be surprised if they think a dad hugging his son is trying to sex him, too.


    I mean, I''ve got a son now, and by the looks of things he''s definitely not the kind of hyper-masculine testosterone addict that those guys think is peak masculinity, so I gotta make sure that any purveyors of that shit in the here and now understand that if they try to spread that shit to him, I will Mineral Bond a fuckin'' tutu on their cock and tattoo ''pretty pretty princess'' in gold stars across their forehead. Just to be clear, I''ve got nothing against Vivian, but the kind of fuckers who believe in that toxic shit would sand their own faces and fucksticks off to escape, which I would find hilarious.


    So after not sleeping for a long fucking time after Maze mumbled ''papa'' into my side, which included Saffron snuggling in and mushing Maze against me even further, I managed to finally nod off.


    Mimic danced with her Kraken while giving all of the side-eye to the rock in the middle of the Bay. Somehow she was getting chili now. Shrimp chili, I think, which was weird, but I''d heard of it before. Never had it, and now I was getting envious of metaphoric noms.


    Woke up to Menace perched on my chest snoring. Guess she felt some kinda way about Maze monopolizing Mama, even if she tried to put a good face on it. I smiled down at her little snoozing form, vaguely amused that she''d shrunk herself down to her smallest non-baby size just to fit.


    Morning prep time was pretty normal, with Menace leading the pack and Maze bringing up the rear with Marie, Saffron, and me. She''d taken to walking between Marie and I, one hand in each of ours, and as we went down the steps I did a thing I barely remembered my own parents doing when my dad was still around. As our hands swung forward, I lifted, and Marie did the same, and Maze swung in between us, laughing. It felt good to hear that, even if it did wind up getting choked off as we hit the bottom of the steps. I carried her the rest of the way to the breakfast table, setting her down to scoot to her seat when we got close and she wriggled a little.


    Spent the day split between one of me atop the mast scanning for red flags, one of me in the Academy suite, and one of me in Advanced Mana Shaping playing battery for Karen Smith, who had managed to get a Mana Ward to form inside of a complex coiled Mana Blade by the end of the day. I think she cribbed some stuff from Kitten''s Mana Ward research, but let''s face it, the entire reason Saffron and I were in the class, other than to provide some kind of grounding and schedule for my terminally ADHD ass, was to act as resources for the other Cadets. So weird that over the course of a year I''ve gone from useless delinquent to valued member of the staff. Well, okay, technically I was still a Cadet, but that ''Hero In Waiting'' thing seemed to outweigh that.


    Nothing to do with annihilating the cream of Herodom from three different Cities, or being ''the most powerful military force in Atlantis''. Nope. Just clean living and temperance and moral behavior and shit.


    See, you can tell I''m maturing; a year ago I wouldn''t have been able to say that shit with a straight face.


    The me in the Academy suite flipped through all the self-help books looking for shit about dadding. I mean, I''d been reading through the parenting stuff, I am not the flavor of idiot to ignore good advice when it''s applicable and available, but I hadn''t really slotted ''being a dad'' into that previous category before. Which, given how much my Kitten and my Murder Mittens wanted my personal baby batter as their oven bun starter, was probably an oversight on my part in the first place.


    Sus Alley Two, Sus Alley Harder, wound up being another third red flag yesterday. This time a small swarm of basic bitch Undead were providing a not-living shield for an armored guy and a pair of archers. Calverton really seemed to like archers. The Phileo Academy taught us all archery, yeah, and technically we were all supposed to carry some kind of missile weapon, but from everything I''d seen most of the Phileo Heroes just threw fire until we got right up in the enemy''s face and did unto them in close quarters combat. Then again, Marshall duBois carried a short bow in the field, and as far as I knew he wasn''t deficient when it came to Heroic Skills.


    The Units on duty were a pair of Dragonslayer Volunteer units with Crossbows, so before I went in, I stepped up between the sergeants. "So which of you guys called me in?"


    The bigger of the two, a auburn haired dude that looked like a former dockworker by his heavy build and working muscles, looked at the smaller one, a wiry blond guy who shrugged and said, "we talked it over. If we couldn''t get backup, I think we could hold, but Sean''s right, we''d be lucky not to lose troopers doing it."


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    I nodded, then said, "okay. Nobody fire until I tell you otherwise."


    "Yes, Ma''am!" they chorused, and I walked forward to calls for the Volunteers to port their Crossbows and pull out shields and spears. Not a bad plan, just in case any of them made it past me. Also, it lowered the chance of me being shot in the ass yet again. I pushed my Blend up and ghosted forward, turning the Undead to ash with Smite as I passed them. When I felt the miasma rolling out from the archers, I Co-Located and dropped to my knees as arrows shot through where my heads had been. I whomped each of the archers with a Smite from where I knelt, then stepped forward, collapsing into myself and drawing my swordstaff. Still Blended, I brought one of the normal blades around as hard as I could, right into the big ugly''s neck armor. His head sailed free, and I dumped a Smite into the open neck of his armor.


    I dropped my Blend as I dragged the now mostly empty Cold Iron armor back to the two dozen or so Dragonslayers standing there. I tossed it on the ground, grabbed Sean by the collar of his breastplate, pulling him behind me as I shoved the blond to the wall of the alley. His back hit the wall, I spun and pulled Sean down into a fast, deep hard kiss while I ground my ass against the blond''s codpiece. Before they could respond, I pushed Sean back, stepped away, said, "good boys," before collapsing back to join Marie on the mast.


    God, I desperately needed to get laid.


    I did not need to know that.


    Yeah, I know. Sorry.


    Specifically I had a growing need to have some guy six to eight inches deep inside. Okay, maybe more. Fuck, at this point I might take less and be grateful. I wasn''t really in a state to be picky. This is right about where back at Eastside I would have been talking about how my current partner wasn''t fucking me right or something like that, coming up with an excuse why it would be okay to go get my need to be penetrated fulfilled. Except here and now, I didn''t need an excuse. Shit, maybe that was, like, an actual sign of growth and maturity. I didn''t need to make an excuse to do something I wanted to to, because, and this had to be the part that left me staring sightless at classroom, book, and Bay, my loving, caring, dedicated, and physically passionate wife and wife to be were both utterly fine with me fucking whoever, whenever, wherever. I mean, they wanted to watch, which was at least a kink I half understood, but the whole ''okay with it''.


    Did. Not. Compute.


    Lost quite a bit of the afternoon to that.


    Got home to find Maze had the tub already full with what felt like near boiling absolutely heavenly water. I smiled at her where she waited, nothing but her eyes, ears, and hair visible above the surface of the water. "Sleeping in the cuddle puddle isn''t your thing, huh?"


    She surfaced just long enough to say, "tomorrow," then disappeared under the water.


    I climbed in, slipped down under the water, and let the heat of the water and the warmth of her snuggle carry me off to sleep.


    In the morning, after we''d all gone through the bath and were ready to bring up the rear of the posse and horde hoard procession, Maze stood there frowning. "What''s up, kiddo?"


    She walked over to stand in front of Saffron, then waved Marie and I over. Bemused, we closed in until we stood around her on three sides. Maze turned her back on Saffron, then reached behind herself to pull Saffron''s hands around beside her, fingers interlaced with her own. She nodded first to Marie, who took her and Saffron''s right hands, then to me. I reached down and held their hands, at which point Maze carefully stepped backward and gently planted her heels atop Saffron''s boots. "Let''s go?"


    Some stumbling definitely occurred, mostly from Maze getting used to Saffron''s stride, which wasn''t much longer than her own. Just enough to make her stumble a bit. Of course, as we walked along the balcony toward the stairs, Saffron jokingly grumped, "this is incredibly undignified."


    I laughed and looked at Marie. "You ain''t seen nothin'' yet. Ready?" Marie nodded, and on the next step we lifted Maze and Saffron into the air, swinging them back and forth. Maze laughed, and Marie and I kept that up all the way down to the table despite Saffron''s halfhearted protests. When we got to her seat in amongst the horde hoard, she slipped off Saffron''s boots, then before letting go of our hands she turned and placed Marie and my hands together. Trying to hide my grin, I looked at her and said, "so... is this your way of saying we''ve got your permission?"


    She tilted her head, still holding our hands together. Then she shook her head. But she grinned as she did and said, "not yet," before letting go and joining the other kids in demolishing the waffle stacks in the middle of their table.


    Before we split up for the day, as much as we did on a day when we''d be spending the day together with the other ROTC kids in Intermediate Heroics, Saffron pulled me aside and said, "Marie?"


    A moment later Marie reached around me and lifted Saffron eye to eye with me. She Grinned at me and pulled me into a warm, slow kiss. When she finished, she pressed her mouth next to my ear and said, "I adore how you''ve been working with Maze. So proud of how patient you''ve been."


    "Hey, she''s a good kid who''s gotten a shit deal. Of course I''m gonna help her out," I murmured in reply. "Besides, Murder Mittens is definitely worth waiting for, however long I gotta wait."


    She pulled away, her Grin wicked. "With that in mind..." she dropped away, spun me about, put her palms on my ass, and shoved me up and into Marie until my Maenad could pull me in for another of those slow, searing kisses.


    When they dropped me and the three of us stepped all the Cadets from from Lancaster House to class, I pouted a little and whispered, "No fair. I didn''t get to watch the two of you."


    Saffron whispered back, "I thought I was the voyeur of the three of us?"


    Marie just leaned over and muttered, "Me."


    I giggled a little saying, "I''m just being a good wife and exploring my wives'' hobbies."


    They both laughed at that, catching a little attention from the rest of the ROTCs, who were shooting the shit while they waited for the rest of the Cadets to arrive. All of them except Bonnie just shook their heads in amusement. Heir-Consort Lancaster took it as a prompt to see how long she could keep Larry''s eyes crossed.


    Right about then Saffron sighed and said, "our lovely Champion is right, and it is my ongoing quest to make the Alliance as fair as it can be. The Grand Council meeting will just have to begin informally until we arrive."


    Apparently Marie and Saffron had been collecting breakfast crepes at Drivers'', and Saffron, true to her inner sweet tooth, had grabbed one to eat while they waited. I discovered that when both of them blasted my brain with full spectrum images of the two of them, both in Glowing Midnight, neither with any fucks to give about what anybody else thought, conducted asymmetric tongue warfare operations while I sat in the back of the class drooling. By the vague feel of them laughing into each other''s mouths, I think they took a page from Bonnie''s book and decided to see how long they could keep me distracted.


    I am proud to say that it only took me about five minutes to get my brain in order to pay attention to class. Five minutes after they stopped. About five minutes before class broke for lunch.


    Their lips ached all day, a fact which they kept me intimately aware of. First from the extended necking session, then from the stupid grins they wore the rest of the day.


    Hell, mine did too, really.

 Day Three Hundred And Eighty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    "Undeservedly you will atone for the sins of your fathers."


    - Horace


    After giving that statement all due consideration, my carefully thought out response is ''Fuck. That. Noise.'' The only way my kids, and at this point I am absolutely including not just Menace, but all five of Marie''s foundlings, plus any others we beg, borrow, or bake, are gonna wind up paying for my fuck ups is if I fuck up so bad I take myself off the board entirely. Which gives me a completely rational reason for not throwing myself at danger like I''ve got the worlds horniest death wish quite so much, I guess.


    I mean, I''m still gonna. This is me we''re talking about here. But I''m gonna do my best to start using my brain when I do. Y''know, forget about ''fighting fair'' and just Blend and blend. Or Smite. Or whatever other method is required to turn the Big Dangerous Thing into a formerly Big, formerly Dangerous, former thing. I''m sure shit will come up where I can''t do that. The duels in Norfolk come to mind, what with the whole point being people seeing me doing the deed. Which sounds a whole lot more suggestive than I intended, even if it''s way more accurate than what I meant to say.


    I know that no matter what, I''ll wind up leaving shit undone. We all do. It''s one of those life things, whether it happens because I somehow go a step too far and get myself irreversibly dead, or because I get distracted and wander off and forget about shit. I''m sure there''s already a whole list of shit like that. Hell, Maze herself is one of those things. I never thought to check if Artemis'' lackey had kids I''d left momless. Not that it seems like she''d been super involved in any case, but it''s still a consequence of my actions. If you''d asked me about it before the Summer Solstice, it wouldn''t even have been on my radar. But one way or the other, so long as I''m drawing breath, Menace and her sibs will not be the ones paying for the consequences of my actions.


    So yesterday after sitting there grinning like the goof I am for most of the day, the three of us returned to Lancaster House for dinner. As I settled into my seat, Marie and Oscar led the dinner serving staff out with lid-covered trays and tureens, as well as baskets covered by towels, the fresh baked smell of cornbread seeping out around the edges. I caught a bit of a yeasty smell from some of them too, and when the baskets got close enough to the table, I snagged one of whatever smelled yeasty without looking with one hand while grabbing a slice of cornbread with the other. The maids carrying them looked a little scandalized, and I felt a little bad for them when I realized that up until I''d done that, not only the adults but even the kids had been waiting patiently to be served.


    Not so much on the kid patience after that. I''d opened the floodgates, and the young maids carrying bread and cornbread to the kids wound up mobbed. I looked over and quietly growled, "Menace..." She looked over with her second and third biscuits in her hands, mouth already full. "Not until everybody''s had some." I then put my own bread on my plate. Bowl, now that I looked, but still, I waited patiently, giving Isnomi the hairy eyeball until she trudged back to her seat, then flopped into it, her biscuits still clutched in her still surprisingly unpudgy hands. On seeing that, the other kids sorta lined up, collected their bread, and got back to their seats.


    The trays held roasted veggies, and the servers brought it around, filling the bottom of each bowl with a mix of what looked to be carrots, onions, broccoli, cabbage, and some kind of cubed squash or something. Then Marie brought a tureen over, slid the lid off, and my eyes kinda glazed over. Spice, peppers, tomato, meat, all of it stewed together just right until that beautiful caustic red brown sauce poured into my bowl atop the veggies, leaving my breadstuff half submerged little islands in a tiny sea of chili.


    I really don''t know what happened after that to anything except my spoon, my mouth, and Marie''s chili. At one point as I filled my mouth and just sat there savoring it, Saffron whispered, Marie and I heard you thinking about this the past few nights. Very loudly. I was good, though. I didn''t grab the tureen and pour that shit down my throat until I swallowed it all or died trying. I took my time, letting each and every bite melt in my mouth until I could taste nothing but fire, then swallowing, nomming bread until I could taste again, then repeating the process. Eventually, around about when the last few bites of everything had become lumps of indistinguishable brown, I looked up to see Saffron leaning with her chin on her hand, staring at me.


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    "Do I have it all over my face?"


    "Sadly, no."


    "Sadly?"


    She licked her lips. "Would have been fun. It''s just so... You... Goof, you do nothing by halves. I think if I''d have pulled my tits out and waved them at you, I''d have been waiting until now to get a response."


    "Hey! I always pay attention to your tits!"


    She laughed, falling backward into her chair as she did. "You pay attention to whatever you''re focused on, love, and the rest of the world might as well not exist to you. For the past hour, that''s been Marie''s cooking, and I wouldn''t have it any other way."


    I gulped down a spoonful of the glorious mush at the bottom of the chili bowl and muttered, "I still wanna see your tits."


    She leaned over to thwap me playfully with her spoon. "You have, and you will, but not here, and not now. I think Marie would like our help with the little ones tonight."


    I looked over, and Marie nodded. "Okay." I scraped the last of my chili and biscuits greedily into my mouth, then stood and thought, lead on, Murder Mittens Mine!


    It turned out Marie and the kids had a kind of system set up, almost a mirror of our morning routine. She would undress each kid, doing a quick check of their clothes as she did. Especially for the ones who weren''t technically ours, she couldn''t exactly confiscate their clothes all day for washing, so she separated them into ''stuff that ought to be wearable tomorrow'' and ''stuff that needs to get any pee, poop, blood, mud, or other nasty stuff washed out before morning''. Then she sent the kid to the potty, a reasonable precaution even for those who had been potty trained. After they finished, or had spent at least a few minutes making sure they didn''t need to, she had them do a quick rinse and scrub of their face, hand, and crotch regions in the bathtub, after which it was on with little nightshirts, with diapers for the kids who needed them. Maybe wanted them, I''m not sure, because it wasn''t like Marie enforced diapering.


    I don''t think she did, at least, and Saffron took over the job of dressing and diapering anyhow, starting with the Menace, who Marie tossed a little knit charcoal colored onesie, complete with a hood with pointed ears on it. Leave it to Marie to come up with something our daughter''s Blend would keep people thinking was the reason she looked that way when she inevitably ''forgot'' and wound up dashing around the House fuzzy. That started calls of ''can I have one'' from all the other kids, to which Marie patiently answered each child with ''soon'' or ''maybe'', depending on whether they were one of our six or not.


    In case you''re wondering, I got the wonderful task of helping them onto the potty, then into the tub. I wasn''t really gonna complain about it; Marie definitely had the best eye and nose out of the three of us for determining what was wearable and what wasn''t. Saffron had me beat hands down at Mom Diaper Origami Magic. I mean, I could do it, but not nearly as well as she did. It wasn''t until I squatted there talking to the second kid to sit without producing any visible waste, muttering something inane about how if they didn''t have to go, they didn''t have to go, but if they needed to, now was the time, that Saffron thought, if they didn''t go when you set them on the pot, they''re not going to go, love.


    It took me a second, but when it hit me I fumed helplessly. So I get the literal shit job then?


    You have a knack for taking care of them quickly and effectively, love.


    Before I could reply, Marie cut in with, Yes.


    I must still have imperfectly hid my booger look, because Saffron thought, of course, that is why... When she paused, I glanced over at where she sat dressed in nothing but her uniform shirt. So fast I thought I might have imagined it, she glanced around the room, then flashed me. Well, half flashed me. One tit''s better than none, I guess. And while I prefer terrain to scenery, I''ll still stare at the scenery all fuckin'' day long if I can''t make it terrain. I looked around, but all of the kids were involved doing something else, or talking with another kid, or whatever. I manage meetings, love. Keeping track of where each member of a crowd''s attention is directed is what I do. And as I was saying, you do all the shit jobs, and do them well, so you get all the... how did you put it? Glittering prizes?


    That got me. Even as I mentally muttered, I''mma glitter you, I laughed at the thought of glitter being the Domain of kindergarten teachers and strippers everywhere, and my Kitten absolutely had what it took to excel in both areas.


    At the end of bedtime prep, I stayed in the bathroom while the others trooped into the bedroom, only to have Maze take my hand and lead me over to the middle of the pile. Tonight Saffron had returned to her proper place between Marie and I, and Maze and Isnomi wormed their way in between Saffron and I, snuggling in back to back between us.


    At least until Maze, half asleep and maybe already dreaming, reached around, unceremoniously glomped Isnomi like a rag doll, then started snoring.

 Day Three Hundred And Eighty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    "When I come home, my daughter will run to the door and give me a big hug, and everything that''s happened that day just melts away."


    - Hugh Jackman


    Holy shit, I''ve got something in common with Wolverine! I mean, other than anger issues and surviving shit that ought to turn me into human pat¨¦. I guess it''s pretty obvious, what with me being the nominal leader and actual shit wrecker of last resort for an entire military campaign and just not talking about it that much. Unless something particularly brutal happens, that''s just, like, my day job. My nine to five. I''m really more impacted by my libido''s increasing need for full fillment than I am in Smiting rando undead, and neither of those holds a candle to the warm, safe feeling I get when I''m surrounded by kids just being kids.


    I kinda want to hang around all day at Lancaster House and play with them, but I''m pretty sure it''s better for her social development to be hanging out with kids her own mental age instead of having mama there hovering over her all the time. Let''s face it, I''d probably want to wind up playing whatever rugrat game they''re playing more than providing general Mom services, but that doesn''t change how the kids would see me. Also, I''m kinda on the big side compared to even Liam and Maze, and I think they''re the biggest two in the posse and the horde hoard. Not exactly fair playing tag when your legs are longer than your competitors'' whole bodies, and not as fun when you can''t just run around screaming like a maniac.


    Wait. Shit. My brain just put together ''her own mental age'' and ''I want to go play with them''. I guess my inner child really is not so inner sometimes.


    So yesterday morning we all got up and did the morning kid thing. While we did, I spent my short breaks between toweling tots to stare at my Kitten''s bodacious tatas. She noticed me staring and smiled at me, maybe kinda sorta shifting just slightly to give me a better view. Nothing, like, graphic or anything, just maybe a five degree shift in the angle she was facing. Amazing how that tiny change can alter visibility. Also amazing how she can manage ''cute'', ''hot'', and ''boss'' all at the same time.


    Maze walked between Marie and I, swinging and skipping, letting Saffron bring up the rear rather than attempting the double swing thing. When we got to the table, I asked my daily, "so, Maze, may I marry your mama Marie?"


    She, of course, shook her head. "Not yet."


    I would be patient. I would wait as long as it took. I would not rush anything or push harder than gentle nudges, unless somebody asked me to. Marie was definitely worth it.


    Spent yesterday split between overwatch from the Black Dragon''s mast, which was boring, reading the ''dad'' sections of the self help books in my little library, which was a little frustrating, but maybe informative, and cajoling Saffron into endless laps, which was sweaty. As the sun touched the horizon, with no shenanigans on my part, mind you, I smiled at the drippy footprints she''d left behind her and said, "too bad Marie needs us for tot duty tonight."


    She just snorted, Grinned up at me, and replied, "Marie tells me dinner is roast chicken. Which, while it will obviously be excellent, with Marie working with the Lancaster House cooking staff, will not require nearly as much attention as the chili did last night."


    Because I am apparently an idiot I scrunched up my nose and said, "that''s cool and all, but why is it important?"


    She just laughed, leapt up to squish her sodden slacks against the belly of my jacket, locking her ankles behind me and kissing me before pulling away no further than nose to nose and saying, "so we''ve got an hour until Marie needs us when you don''t really need to be paying attention to what''s on the table?"


    "Hey! I like paying attention to what I''m eating! Stuff tastes good!"


    The Grin eclipsed my world and took over my brain as she said, "I am well aware of that fact, and definitely expect you to do so. Waxing poetic about it tasting good afterward is entirely optional."


    Gotta say, the Lancaster House roast chicken wasn''t half bad. I kinda wanted fried chicken and waffles though. Also, the cheesecake was excellent.


    Y''know, I think there''s definitely something to that, a kind of extra bonus parenting boost you get when your brain has been force fed endorphins and shit. Kitten smiled more than normal while scrubbing down slightly greasy post roast chicken tots, and I sure as hell got playful rambunctious while cycling them through the pot. Peek a boo with the small ones, picking some of the bigger ones up and swooping them over to clean up in the tub, spinning some of the others around while they giggled. I think I even got a smile out of Daya, although it''s kinda hard to be sure. Maybe just a little twitch of her lips before she turned to go have Saffron dress her. It might have been for Saffron, really, but I couldn''t even feel some kinda way about that, because I was having too good of a time sharing that happy shiny smiley feeling with the kids.


    Looking back on my own childhood, I wondered how many of the times some couple with their kid was really goofy happy about dumb little kid shit like pushing their rug rat on a swing and how much was having had some alone time prior, or looking forward to it later. Like, I get warm fuzzies from everything we do with the kids. I''d deny it to the grave, probably somebody else''s grave, but I even enjoyed the re-diapering thing and the putting them on the pot thing a little bit. But it''s a deep, warm kind of feeling that makes me smile, not a head spinning high that makes me giggly and playful. Not better, not worse, just different. Also, very peanut butter and chocolate, even if it requires Divine Boons or really good timing to manage.


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    We all snuggled in, with Isnomi and Maze spooning together facing Saffron in the middle of us. If Menace felt some kinda way about being Maze''s new favorite sleepy time plushie, she didn''t show it. She did, however, start purring the moment she fell asleep. Don''t know how universal the whole Bag purring thing is, because Maze didn''t. Then again, while she might be feeling a lot less consumed by frustrated rage at the world now, I could totally see if she wasn''t nearly as comfortable with us as Isnomi was. Then again, maybe Isnomi would help her adjust more than we could. That whole peer thing, after all. Which I am not, despite really wanting to get in on the games of tag and hide and seek and shit like that.


    In the morning, as we cycled the kids through potty, bath, dry, and dress, I decided that secret Sapphic Saffron sweaterless sweater puppy seeing was my new favorite thing. Okay, it was only really ''secret'' from the kids, and they probably realized I was watching Saffron, but since I wasn''t doing anything but looking and smiling like an idiot, I think the worst I got were a few head shakes and pronouncements that I was, in fact, ''the silliest of mamas''. Which just made me smile harder, because I had a whole fuckin'' horde of kids calling me ''mama''. Not something I''d ever planned on or pursued, but here we are.


    Right around when Maze brought up the tail end of the group, I said, "doesn''t this interfere with you getting ready to, y''know, manage the Grand Council and shit?"


    As she scrubbed Maze''s hair, she tilted her own head in thought. "I suppose it might, just a little. They are somewhat more mature, less prone to running off and doing their own thing, and getting them on board for something all at the same time can be a chore, but I guess that''s why I enjoy our little ones. They''re so much less work than managing the council."


    I laughed and lifted a clean, dripping Maze from the tub, spun her around once, then set her on her feet and patted and squeezed her dry. Once we were all clean, dry, and dressed, which took a little more work than normal what with the sweat that dried on all of us. Oh, no, extra reason for Saffron and I to be all handsy and grabby with our hands coated in suds. Hell, we didn''t even get all smexytimes with it, just super over the top lovey dovey and flirtatious. Okay, yeah, there was tit grabbing going on, but boob sweat is no joke.


    When we all got to the table, as I let go of her hand, I looked to Maze and asked, "so, do I have your permission to marry your mama Marie?"


    She looked up at me, smiling coyly, then after doing a classic pondering look for a few moments, she said, "Maybe. Not yet."


    Today Saffron and I decided to spend the day dancing. We Waltzed, we Tangoed, We even did the Samba a bit. Not nearly as sweat drippy as running, nor did it pour quite as much raw magnetism into the air as lifting, but we got to move around, arm in arm, hand in hand, intimately aware of one another all day long.


    On overwatch sus alley wound up throwing a third red flag. I slipped over to find the troops standing there looking over a simple wall, lined up in good order with Norfolk style halberds. Ex-Thralls then, although their leader wasn''t a Karl; she looked like another Thrall that had maybe found some nicer armor somewhere. "Hey there. What''s going on?"


    She nodded. "Majesty. A horde of Undead awaits beyond the far end of the alley. Should they attack, we cannot hold."


    "Thanks. Hold here, I''ll be right back."


    With that I shoved my Blend up, dropped over the wall, and strode forward. As I did I split myself with each step. Two, four, eight, at sixteen the feedback got a little rough, so I dropped back to eight and shaped Smite while arrows flew over my head from the far side of the street. I ghosted through the horde of undead, Smiting one after another, ashing them all. Arrows kept falling out of the sky, not aimed at anything in particular, but just dropping down near recently Smited Undead. Mostly they just provided an ongoing clatter. A couple Undead got turned into pincushions. A lucky arrow took one of me right in the eye, cutting me down to seven. I screamed and kept Smiting. Ash rained down around me, the world narrowing to ash and arrows and screaming.


    Then the Undead in the street were gone, but arrows kept raining down from the rooftops. I stepped to the rooftops, and more arrows flew. Another of me dropped, and then I went back to back with my selves in a tight circle, then shaped six massive Fire Bolts. Flames blasted out in every direction, and ash and molten metal slopped across the roof tiles. Which subsequently lit on fire.


    Annoyed, I dropped six big Create Water on the rooftops, then collapsed back to one of me standing next to the Thrall commander. I dropped my Blend to normal, pulled her in and went to do that cheek kiss thing. Little bit surprised and a lot in sudden need of transmitting the fuck out of my current situation when she turned her head and kissed me back. Not what I''d been jonesing for, but fuck that woman had some tongue skills. When she pulled away, her hands slipping away from where they''d clung to my face. She smiled surprisingly shyly at me, and I coughed a little bit, then smiled and said, "good girl," while her unit cheered us. I collapsed back to Marie, my face a little heated. Marie smiled and took the opportunity to let me compare a talented ex-Thrall to a millennia old Maenad in terms of tongue skills.


    Meanwhile, back at Lancaster House, I got a rush of brains to the head and snagged Maze, stepping us both back to the suite. "Hey, Maze, you wanna go read for the day?" I could tell she wanted to say yes, but still hesitated. I grinned a conspiratorial grin, lay a hand on her shoulder, and Mimicked her. "I can fill in for you here."


    She nodded, and I Co-Located myself to our Academy Suite, shifted back to myself, and settled us down on the bed, with Maze in my lap, for another session of Wee Free Men. Meanwhile, I pranced down from the suite as Maze and joined in on a day full of chasing, hiding, seeking, and general little kid mayhem.


    As the day wound to a close, I smiled thinking about how every now and then, life smiled on me and I had a good day.


    Then realized I''d just cataloged a day where I died twice as a ''good day''.


    My life here and now is so fuckin'' weird.

 Day Three Hundred And Eighty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    "It was my father who taught me to value myself. He told me that I was uncommonly beautiful and that I was the most precious thing in his life."


    - Dawn French


    Damn. Y''know, I think out of all the things I''ve read about being a dad, that''s the one I might have missed the most, the one I want to make sure I do for Maze and the others. Yeah, I''m not actually gonna be a dad, although if she wants me to be I will be. But I never had anybody to tell me I was special and treat me like a precious pretty princess. Probably why I fell for fuckers who would give me even really shitty backhanded compliments back at Eastside. Well, that and a desperate and unending need for cock that I might be overestimating in retrospect because of the whole itch I can''t scratch at the moment. What''s really weird is how I could totally scratch that itch, but doing so in a way I don''t feel like I''ve fucked up somehow is the big challenge.


    Shit, maybe that''s another thing I missed out on from that lack of a dad. I never had somebody giving me stuff just to give me stuff. I don''t mean that in a gold digger kind of way, either, but like, spending time with me, making me stuff, getting me stupid little presents because he was thinking of me. Not because I wanted more stuff, although I was just as much of a greedy little bitch as any other little kid, and not even because I wanted him to spend more time with me, even though I wanted that too, but so that I''d have maybe gotten the idea that an adult person thought I had some value. Y''know, other than what I could do for them, or as a trophy or whatever.


    So yesterday was pretty good. Honestly, a near perfect day if I hadn''t died twice and maybe lit Calverton on fire. Luckily, like a lot of the buildings here and now, the place is mostly stone, and we''d had enough rain recently that nothing was really dry. Coupled with the Create Water I dropped on it, the rooftops just wound up a little bit scorched. Okay, from what Olga told me, they''ll need to replace those roofs to make the buildings usable again, but since they''re not in our controlled section of the City, nobody was using them, so no harm, no foul, right?


    Also yesterday Maze managed to make it about halfway through Wee Free Men. She seemed oddly subdued as we put the book back on the shelf. I gave her a hug and said, "don''t like how it''s going?"


    She shook her head. "No, I..." She trailed off, looking pensive.


    "But you''re liking it?" She nodded, but didn''t say anything. I took her by the hand, then stepped Saffron and I back to Lancaster House. I ran the me Mimicking Maze up to our suite to meet us, collapsing into myself the moment nobody had eyes on me.


    Saffron hopped up to give me a peck on the cheek, then stepped around to Maze''s far side. "Come along, love. I think Marie''s made something else for you tonight."


    "Cool!" I took off, leading our chain of me, Maze, and Saffron. At the steps I scooped Maze up, scooped Saffron into my other arm, then slid down the bannister. We hit the bottom laughing like loons, and I traded an armful of Saffron for an armful of Isnomi when I reached the table. Two. I had two little girls, two daughters in all but name, laughing as I spun them around. So fuckin'' weird to think, but so fucking awesome. After a few moments of spinning in place, I set them down and laughed more than I should have as they both stumbled their dizzy ways to their seats.


    I did not stumble. That would be far beneath the dignity of the Champion of the Alliance. I Translocated into my seat and flopped into it, slumping against the back until the room stopped spinning.


    I''d learned my lesson last night, and waited while the wait staff brought dinner out. Everybody except Saffron and Bonnie looked a little weirded out when the first thing delivered to each of us was a waffle. Not disappointed, Lancaster House Waffles are absolutely breakfast for dinner food, but I couldn''t remember seeing them outside of breakfast. Then I smelled something that made my mouth water, but I couldn''t place it. I realized why a moment later, when Marie placed a quartet of big chunky southern fried chicken tendies on top of the waffle, then poured some kind of pale brown gravy over them. I''d really intended to wait until everybody was served, but the moment that sight, that smell, that combo on the plate hit me, I grabbed Marie by the arm, folded my waffle over the chicken and tore out a big chunky messy bite of waffle and chicken and surprisingly sweet gravy, and stared at her as I savored the fuck out of that shit.


    I think my eyelids fluttered shut at one point. I know I groaned a little, because oh, my, god. My brain did that ''tell me to swallow'' thing and I absolutely the fuck did not, just mashing that shit for every ounce of flavor savor until I looked deep into Marie''s eyes, swallowed, then pulled her down to savor her mouth as much as I had her cooking. When we came up for air, I leaned my forehead against hers, let go of her arm, and said, "thank you, Marie. That''s fucking incredible."


    "Welcome." She grinned, tickling my lips with her fur. "Vlickies." Then she was off to finish her part of the whole food distribution.


    I looked up to see half the table watching with varying degrees of amusement. Hell, even Raven didn''t look as disgusted as she normally did at our public display of amorous shenanigans. "What, no snarky comment?" I asked before nomming another huge bite of my waffle and chicken.


    She smirked and replied, "little disappointed. I thought you were gonna bite her."


    I nearly choked on my food when Marie murmured, "Same."


    Of course, right then Bonnie leaned over and stage whispered to Larry, "if you insist on doing that with our Maid, I''m gonna find out what Oscar tastes like."


    He spun to face her, spouting something like, "I''d never," only to get interrupted by her lips. When she eventually pulled away, she said, "I know. I just wanted to hear you say it. Blame it on the pregnancy."


    He huffed out a sigh. "You blame a lot of things on that."


    She frowned. "Upset?"


    He smiled and shook his head. "Hardly. But you don''t need an excuse. I enjoy doting on you, wife."


    "Careful, husband. You''ll spoil me."


    "Only if I''m doing it right."


    At that point, they started feeding each other chicken tenders, and Raven pushed her chair back in disgust. "Enough to put me off my feed. Pity, it''s pretty good." She walked off for the steps. I wouldn''t have noticed, except I was trying to figure out if she''d get bent out of shape if I stole her leftovers without asking, so I saw when she dropped one hand down to her side and snapped her fingers twice. Not, like, loud, either, but Lachlan''s head snapped around like she had him on a leash or some shit.


    I got to watch ten seconds of him looking back and forth between his plate, hers, and her rapidly receding posterior. At that point I took pity on him and said, "I don''t think Marie or Oscar will kill you if you take your plates upstairs."


    He still hesitated until Oscar said, "of course not. Master Lancaster may have his dinner where he likes."


    Of course he nearly dropped both plates when Marie chimed in with, "Wound." Credits for bravery, he still dashed up the steps carrying two plates a few seconds later.


    Didn''t spill any gravy, either, which was probably a good thing. Gravy isn''t normally sticky, but whatever Marie had come up with definitely had some honey or syrup or something in it. The flavors in it hit my tongue with unexpected intensity; sugar sweetness of syrup, maybe a little of the savor from honey. The creaminess of butter, which I''d come to realize since arriving here had a lot more in the way of flavor than the super processed butter back at Eastside. Some kind of deep savory something, dark and compelling. Then the meaty taste of chicken, like you''d expect from chicken gravy. It was like what you''d expect from the glop left over on the plate when you finished eating chicken and waffles with butter and syrup, but with some kind of added kick to it, and, like, with all the flavors hitting one right after the other.


    I savored the last bite even more than I had the first, and after licking my plate clean I held it up in front of me and looked at Marie with my very best ''may I have some more'' puppy dog eyes. She just smiled, came over, took my plate, and leaned down to bunt her forehead against mine. "Patience."


    Not the answer I wanted, but with my goal of being more mature and parentish and shit, I smiled and just said, "thank you for dinner, Marie," then nodded to the rest of the staff, "thanks, everyone."


    That fired off a chorus of ''thank you'' from the posse and horde hoard, which surprised me. Surprising no one, I turned to Saffron, who still had half of her tendies and waffle, because she was eating them like a vaguely civilized human and using cutlery, stared at her plate and whined. Saffron looked up at me and said, "didn''t Marie just tell you to be patient?"


    "Yeah," I whined, giving her the puppy dog look as well.


    She sighed, sliced off a bit of chicken tender, picked it up in her fingers and said, "sit on your hands." I did, because I am a Good Wife and Obey my Wife and Am Not Stupid. "Open your mouth." I complied, and she said, "now, catch." I waited, then she said, "with your eyes closed." I froze, whined a little, but closed my eyes. Then I held absolutely still and tried to listen for the sound of her flicking it at me, or it flying through the air, or something like that.


    I am not fucking Daredevil. Before I moved something warm and sticky plonked onto my upper lip, and it was all I could do to bobble it into my mouth instead of onto the table. I managed it though. Even managed three out of four of the following shots. Embarrassingly the one I missed was one that landed on my tongue and somehow still bounced out of my mouth, leaving a trail of sticky syrup down my chin. Then the chicken bites stopped landing on my face. Right before I opened my eyes Saffron said, "scoot back," from right behind me. I scooted, and she laughed and said, "you can open your eyes, Goof."


    Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.


    When I did, she set her plate in front of me and flopped that ass right onto my lap, sitting sideways and saying, "feed me, wife. And no stealing my food. I''ve given you all I intend to share tonight already." Then she leaned in and breathed, "food, anyhow," into my ear.


    I was a good Wife and fed her carefully. Okay, that''s a fuckin'' lie. I''d have to apologize to Marie later, because by the time we finished her uniform Jacket had as much syrup on it as sweat. None on her face, though, because I licked that shit clean right the fuck away. After I watched, fascinated, as she swallowed the last of her dinner, I realized the rest of the table had sort of devolved. The few Dan matrons who''d decided to risk dinner with us tonight looked just the tiniest bit scandalized. I was about to get cranky about that when I realized they weren''t looking at Saffron and I, and definitely weren''t looking at the Heir and his Consort either, because they, like me, were not mouth breather stupid.


    They were looking at the kid end of the table, which showed every sign of having been the site of a massive tender flinging free for all. No tenders or waffles remained in evidence, but sticky trails crisscrossed the table and even parts of the floor. Marie had Isnomi by the scruff of the neck, one hand waving to encompass the syrupy devastation wrought across half the room. For her part, Menace pouted, then huffed out a sigh, slumped, and said, "ah-tay."


    Marie ruffled her hair, hugged her, and said, "Good."


    After the assorted kids helped clean up the mess and we all stood to troop up the stairs toward bed, Saffron Co-Located the pair of us to the Love Shack and banished our uniforms, at which point the one missing nugget flopped directly into my cleavage. She flopped me over backward, pinned me to the bed, and took her damn sweet time collecting that last morsel, making sure my general inter-boob region was as clean as a tongue could get it. It wasn''t until she pulled back that I realized that she was not, in fact, she right at that moment.


    My first reaction was drooling like the idiot everyone knows I am. Her, no his face was just as beautiful and handsome as ever, but subtly more angled, more masculine, his jawline a little sharper. A laugh forced its way through the drool when I realized his eyelashes were absolutely to fuckin'' die for. His chest gave me pause, since boy Saffron was missing two very important, beloved features, but holy fuck on toast those pecs. My hindbrain took over my mouth and let the intrusive thought leak out. "It is a nice night for a walk. Definitely nothing clean. You can have my clothes, no fucking needed."


    He laughed at my half-sane rambling. "That is absolutely not what I expected you to say." He flexed, and something kinda thwapped against my stomach.


    I looked down between us. "Wow. That''s. Wow. That''s a lot."


    He smiled, slow and confident, and something in my stomach fluttered. Then clenched in a way I did not like. "Too much? I wanted to make a good," he flexed another couple times, slapping against my abs in a way that made me giggle, "first impression." I giggled, but shifted my way back up the bed. He followed until I scooched my way into a sitting position, at which point he raised an eyebrow, then shifted smoothly back until he knelt in front of me, knees splayed just far enough to put himself on display. "What''s wrong?"


    I whimpered a little and said, "I don''t fuckin'' know. I don''t know! What the fuck? Seriously," I slapped at my own cooch region, eyes crossing when I realized I had not done that particular maneuver since stealing all the Strength in the world. "OW! What the fuck?"


    He snorted, but quietly said, "do you want me to shift back?"


    "NO!" I grabbed at him, freezing the moment my hand made contact. "Holy shit that''s bigger than my fuckin'' hand."


    "I could make it smaller." When I looked back into his eyes, he said, "shapeshifter, remember?"


    "Shit, no, that was actually kind of a challenge. One I want to win without shapeshifting me to fit it now." I flailed my hands a little. "But right now. I... Fuck, I am literally drooling looking at you. It''s like, fuck, half of me is screaming ''put cock in hole now'', but the rest of me is all ''no, bad, wrong'', and somehow that latter bit has gotten control of the fuckin'' waterworks."


    I realized how true that was when he reached up and wiped a tear away from my eye. "We won''t unless you want to. I know you like me pushing your boundaries, Goof, but it seems this one might break something rather than stretching it."


    "Maybe I like being broken."


    "Maybe you do, but if you wanted to be broken, we both know you crying isn''t the way to get me to do it."


    I rolled my eyes, more at me than him. "Yeah. Yeah, I know. Fuck. Fuck, shit, damn, double fuck that you took that as expletive rather than imperative, shit, shit, shit, fuck."


    "Done?"


    "No. FUCK! Okay, I think I''m done. Fuck. Why the fuck?" I stopped, then looked up at him. "Saffron? Help?"


    He nodded. "Just one question."


    "Anything."


    "Do you want me to help you let me in you, or do you want help understanding why I''m not yet?"


    I slumped down, then scooted back until I sat a little more upright, supported by the bed. I waved my arms at him, and he scooted over to sit in my lap, arms around me. I smiled at the thought that holy fuck why am I not fucking him right now hottie or not, my wife was absolutely a short king as a man. "Are you disappointed?"


    He shrugged. "A little. The impulses like this are a little more... intense? No. Consuming maybe. Reckless." He smiled, kissed me, and said, "very you-like, I think."


    "What, I''m some kind of trans-guy waiting to happen?"


    "No, love. You''re spontaneous and fierce and savage and one hundred percent woman. I meant I felt a little more savage about things like this." He paused. "I am now simultaneously desperately wanting to find out what you''d be like if you did what I''m doing now, and terrified I would wind up losing my title as Imperator if you did."


    I frown ed, stroking my hair down her, if anything, thicker locks. "You think I''d take your job?"


    He smiled, shaking his head. "Oh, no. I think you''re both serious and correct about immortal rulers, and that means the title passes to another if I die."


    "Hey! I''m careful with you! I''d be careful with you!"


    He leaned in and kissed me, long and slow and gently. When he pulled back, he breathed out, "I trust you completely, love. I also know how easy it would be for you to make a mistake, and even still I trust you to Revive me." Then the Grin showed up on his face, and I whimpered at how both sides of that ''insert cock right the fuck now'' and ''no, bad, wrong, dirty'' tore at me. "Also, and mark my words and obey me, wife..."


    "Yeah?" I panted.


    "I don''t care how many times you wind up Reviving me, if we are in that situation? Don''t you dare fucking hold back or stop until you''re done." I barked out a laugh, and he said, "no, seriously, I love my job, but I love you more, and along with satiating you in new and interesting ways, who other than perhaps the Maenads can say, ''I had sex so good it killed me multiple times, and yet I walk the Earth to spread the tale of my wife''s Glory nonetheless''?" That got me laughing. When I settled, she said, "do you really want me to ''science this shit''?"


    "Yeah." She nodded, and suddenly she sat in my lap, soft features and tits bigger than I remembered, although my hand on one of them felt the same. Looking down I realized she had not, in point of fact, entirely changed back. "Well. Damn. Didn''t even make it smaller. Shit, did you make it bigger?"


    "Not intentionally. So, do you want me to...?"


    I thought about that. Really fuckin'' weird situation, but I gave it my best think, imagining us in the act like that. "Yeah, I dunno. I mean, I got no bad feelings about it, so if you''re trying to start your stress testing my hoo hah tonight, I guess we could, but..."


    "But?"


    I shook my head. "No drool. Like, if I hadn''t been struck with the mother of all ADHD executive dysfunctions a minute ago, you''d be destined to lie here all mummified after I sucked all the juices out of you two tablespoons at a time."


    "Sucked? Not..." she glanced downward.


    I laughed. "Yeah, okay, but I got Kegels for days. Call it alternate sucked and squeezed. But yeah, no, right now? Total ''I could eat, and it looks edible, but no hunger detected. Wait, no, that''s kinda a lie."


    "So..." she shifted a little.


    "No, I still kinda have that ''need to get my ashes hauled'' thing going on, it''s just... this is not the shovel I''m looking for."


    Saffron nodded. "Okay. So you''ve nothing against trying this, but at the same time it doesn''t engender either of those passionate feelings you''d been dealing with, for good or ill."


    "Yeah, that sounds right." She nodded again, then straddled my left leg. It did not fit. In point of fact it played hypotenuse to my thigh and abs, poking me in the bottom of my left tit. "Shit, you did make that bigger, it''s like, the size of my fuckin'' thigh."


    She laughed, throwing her head back and all but losing her shit. "Oh, Goof. Oh, love. I absolutely did not, and it is nowhere near as large as your thigh, but perhaps I did go overboard a bit."


    "Yeah, y''know what you said about how you''re gonna scream ''worth'' at the top of your lungs when you pop off after I Revive you?"


    She choked on her own spit and laughter. When she got her mouth under control she said, "not what I said, although I am absolutely doing that now, but yes?"


    "Yeah, as to overboard, when we... okay, let''s be honest, when you figure this out, throw me in that fucking ocean. Drown me."


    She smiled, bowed her head with an impish grin etched onto her lips, and said, "as my Goddess commands." I swear that fuckin thing throbbed and got bigger. "At any rate, we''ve two data points now. How about this?" The weight and warmth poking me in the tit disappeared, and damp warmth spread across my thigh.


    A while later she leaned over and booped my nose. "Well. I think we can call that ''attracted without paralyzing guilt'', can we not?"


    "Hoo, yeah. Check, check, checkity check."


    She nodded, then rolled over to kneel between my thighs. As I stared at the jiggle physics, it thwapped against my belly again. She raised an eyebrow. "So, shall I continue the sciencing?"


    I shrugged. "I never thought being a living lightning rod would be hot, but you convinced me. What the hell. Wait... don''t we need to wrap it up or something?"


    She shook her head. "I''d planned on, well, suffice to say you are not fertile at the moment."


    "Okay then. Permission to science granted. Ramming speed!" Yeah, she had to stop laughing first.


    Her eyes fluttered open a while later as I ran my fingers down her front. "You like?"


    She smiled up at me. "I think that''s what I should be asking you."


    I shrugged. "I mean... bell rung." I chuckled a little. "Like a fuckin'' cathedral calling the faithful, really. Very nice."


    "But?"


    "No, that''s still sixth." She laughed and slapped at me. "Okay, yeah, good clean fun and all, but," I thought about the dudes I''d been playing tonsil hockey with as a ''reward for good behavior'' down at sus alley and shook my head. "Still craving cock."


    "Sooo..." He rolled me over, slipped into our previous starting position, and raised an eyebrow.


    "FUCK! BLESSED FUCK SHIT FUCK DAMMIT FUCK!" I twisted away and curled into a ball. I might have been weeping. "What the fuck is wrong with me?"


    "I think I may have an idea. Come back? If you can? Nothing will start until you say so."


    I rolled back over and looked up at Lachlan. "Oof. Wow. Uh..."


    "Shall I?" I shook my head. "Okay. Explain?"


    It took me a second to get past the idea that he was trying to convince me. "One, that''s really good. Mimicked?" He nodded. "Okay, so still kinda fucked up, but not as bad. Like, Lachlan''s not nearly as hot as you are, but the whole guilt trip ''no bad naughty wrong'' isn''t as harsh either."


    "Such a flatterer."


    "Nope. You''re insanity inducing hot as a guy. I want this block broken almost enough to tell you to break shit."


    He shook his head, "No, love. stretching, not breaking, and to do that I must map out what needs to be done. So, still enough to keep you from doing what you want." He tapped at his teeth, a very Saffron gesture coming from Lachlan. "I have an idea, but... not tonight. Tonight, I think we''re for bed."


    I sighed, then wriggled my shoulders against the sheets. They went squish, and I chuckled. "Yeah. So weird, drinking until I slosh and still being thirsty."


    Saffron held out a hand, pulling me upright and whispering in my ear, "perhaps you''re hungry, and neither spirits nor stew will suffice when you need steak." Then she collapsed us back to Lancaster House.


    Mimic dreamt of Saffron as steak, rare and melting in her mouth while she danced with her Kraken above the Bay.

 Day Three Hundred And Eighty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    "Aeneas carried his aged father on his back from the ruins of Troy and so do we all, whether we like it or not, perhaps even if we have never known them."


    - Angela Carter


    Oh, wow. That one''s kinda deep. I been doing all this reading and thinking about what it means to be a good dad since Maze dropped the papa bomb on me. That definitely segued pretty quick into thinking about how my own dad going missing affected me. Then along comes Angela here talking about a dad being some kind of weight, even if we never knew them. Like, mind blown.


    I guess moms are the same way, really, although socially we see them differently. Which is kinda bullshit if you think about it. Everything people talk about being dad things I''ve seen moms doing back at Eastside. But no matter what, our parents are something we carry with us our whole lives. Whether they''re armor and shields to defend ourselves with or millstones and hobbles to keep us from soaring depends entirely on them. Whether what we remember is support, care, and love, distraction, absence, and neglect, or anger, abuse, and trauma, it molds us, shapes us at a deep level that I''m not sure we can ever get away from. Or have taken away from us.


    So yeah. I got kids now. I gotta make sure that when they go out into the world they go with the absolute certainty that no matter what I believe in them. Believe they can make the world a better place, that they''re gonna take whatever legacy I''ve left and make a world where I''m forgotten. I know that sounds really weird, but that''s just it; if everybody in the world is out there fighting to make it a better place, the woman out in front doesn''t really matter. She''s just the leading edge of a wave, of a landslide, of a horde of people who will, inevitably, not just make things better, but change the world so its easier to make things better than screw them up. If my kids do that, if when people try to stop them deep inside they know I''ve got their back, I''ll count that as a win.


    So yesterday after dreaming about my subconscious eating my wife blue rare, I woke up to Maze and Menace quietly bickering. No idea what about, because the moment I heard them, they both went quiet. With both of them awake already, I jostled everybody awake and started the morning ablutions. Got us all down to the dining room, then turned to Maze and asked, "so, Maze. May I have your permission to marry your mama Marie?"


    She frowned, where the day before she''d smiled, and her head jerked like she didn''t agree with the words coming out of her mouth. Finally she sighed and said, "no. Not yet, please."


    I lay a hand on her shoulder and crouched down to look her in the eye. "You don''t need to say please. Really, I ought to be the one saying it. I''m sorry I haven''t always. But I''ll try not to forget again." When she looked about ready to argue with me about that, I said, "I mean, I''m gonna forget. But I''ll try." She shot me a wry grin and we sat down to do the breakfast thing.


    I spent Sunday split between discussing what we''d discovered about the Undead with the Advanced Healing class, standing overwatch with Marie on the Black Dragon''s mast, running around Lancaster House Mimicking Maze, and reading the last part of Wee Free Men with Maze. I did class and overwatch mostly on automatic; nothing requiring my attention happened in either spot.


    When we slid the book back onto the shelf, Maze frowned. Then, with something that sounded suspiciously like a half sob, she turned and flung her arms around my neck. "What''s this? The ending wasn''t too sad for you, was it?" She shook her head, her face buried in my neck. I just held her, eventually hefting her up so I could stand instead of crouching. "Are you okay?" She shook her head again. "Well, whatever it is, you don''t have to tell me, but I want to know. I want to help. You know that, right?" She nodded. I held a hand out to Saffron, and we stepped back to Lancaster House.


    During dinner, which was back to roast chicken, Saffron spirited copies of us away to the Love Shack. She Grinned at me and asked, "ready for more Science?"


    I scooped her into a kissing hug and, when we came up for air, said, "can I have Original Formula Saffron first?"


    She tapped at her teeth a few moments before shaking her head. "I think not. I want you as hungry as possible, lest it interfere."


    "Aww..."


    She kissed my cheek and said, "if you''re a very good girl, when we''re done."


    "Yay!"


    She laughed and said, "you''re so childish sometimes."


    "Who, me, the one who just spent all day playing Tag and Hide and Seek?"


    She shook her head. "I meant in your absolute simple joy in things, love. Even with the darkness and hunger I know lurk within you, there is joy as unending. Your have a beautiful Soul."


    "I''m gonna take that with a grain of salt, since you apparently find Her Dark, Tentacley Fatassness beautiful too. Anyway, let the Science begin!"


    She nodded, slid to stand beside the foot of the bed, maybe looming a bit, and suddenly boy Saffron stood there, only with notably womanly plumbing. "Okay, how about this?"


    "Oh, I''m torn. Do not like." I held up a hand for patience. "Like, just objectively? Meh. More meh than girl you with boy junk. But if I don''t look below the waist, you''re really pretty hot, and the more I think about that, the worse I feel about it. I look down again, and the guilt almost goes away, but... meh again."


    He nodded. "Interesting. How about this?" Raven stood before me, just as stark naked as Saffron had been. She was definitely what I''d call ''fit'' or maybe ''tight'', because I didn''t want my nips nailed to the wall if she got offended by my calling her ''flat''. Like, not ironing board, but no more than an A cup.


    "Eh. No real interest, but then that could be because I think you''re gonna use looking like that as an excuse to give me piercings or some shit like that. No guilt at all, though. C''mere." I reached for her, but she batted my hand away playfully, although her grin looked more mischievous than normal, like she knew something I didn''t.


    "No, Goof. If you''re hesitating at all, I know you''re either not interested enough, or too guilty to act on it. With no guilt, that means no meaningful interest."


    "Hey! I have some amount of self control! Also, y''know, you''ve got Skills and shit. Doesn''t matter what the package looks like, I know it''s gonna taste good if you made it."


    She blushed a little at that, then Sister Siobhan stood there in front of me. Then she leaned over, put her hands on my knees, and breathed out, "how about like this?"


    "Oh, fuck me sideways with a blessed bandsaw. Not fuckin'' fair. Not fair at fucking all."


    Her eyebrow rose, "apparently not, if this is how you''ll react to her after she accepts your advances."


    I took a deep breath. "Yeah. You are almost as hot as you as a guy. Maybe hotter? I dunno. Neurons activated. Holy fuck, I wanna use you. But yeah, definitely guilt and ew no bad wrong holding me back. Not as bad as you as a guy though, if that means anything?"


    She pondered a moment, then said, "it might. Now, one more thing." She pointed at me and said, "boy, please?"


    I shrugged and shapeshifted into the boy version of me that she''d gotten very mouthy with a couple weeks back. The change was noticeable and immediate. "Oh, wow. Yeah. Uh, I think I see what you mean about ''savage''. I really don''t want to be like this around actual Sister Siobhan. I would fuckin'' break her."


    "You''re not worried about breaking me?"


    I laughed. "You, Kitten, are a bona fide Phileo City Hero, with all the perks and bennies that come from that, which includes not just all that training we do, but those extra stronger, faster, harder buffs as well. Also, you specifically told me to, so yeah, holy crap I might just do that right now." I gasped, because I''d said that all in one long run on breath.


    She laughed in return. "I did, didn''t I? Why are you holding back then?"


    "Wrong. Bad. Guilt. Almost as bad as you as a guy. Which gets inexplicably worse when I think about just doing it anyway. But not as bad as you as a guy. I really don''t like this, Kitten."


    She nodded. "But you''re doing it anyway, because you''re trying to figure out how to work past whatever is tying you up in knots. Because you trust me enough to do anything I say, even if you''re not sure about it. I''m so proud of you, Goof." That hit kinda different what with her looking and sounding like Sister Siobhan. Then she leaned in, prompting incredibly uncomfortable but undeniably interested responses from my southern half. Her mouth next to my ear, she breathed out, "good girl. Now, close your eyes." My eyes slammed shut, and Saffron, in her own voice, growled, "destroy me."


    A while later, as the fam trooped up to get ready for bed, she wheezed out, "worth. So... worth."


    I laughed, shifted back to myself, and said, "hey, I didn''t have to Revive you even once."


    She nodded, wheezing laughter as she said, "oh, I know. I was talking about having to replace the bed."


    "Huh?"


    She laughed again, smacked me, and collapsed us back to our nightly tot duties. Through the whole process I kept looking at her and mouthing the word ''really'', to which she would giggle and nod. After the third repetition, Liam and Menace conferred and declared us both ''silly''. When we all started to troop into the bedroom, Maze touched my hand. I stopped, waiting until everyone left the room before slowly closing the door, then squatting down beside her. "Bath night tonight?"


    Stolen story; please report.


    She nodded, then shook her head, then huffed out a sigh and walked over to the fireplace. When she had the little logs all set up in teepees, I said, "want some help lighting them?" At her nod, I did a slow rolled Fire Bolt through each of the little cones of wood, lighting them up without ashing them entirely. Then I sat down on the side of the tub while she leaned bigger logs against the burning piles. Time after time she paused, half turned to me, then turned back. "Maze?" She turned and looked at me as the flames licked at the wood. "You know you can talk to me, right? No judgement, unless that''s what you tell me you need. I''m here for you, not the other way around."


    She nodded, then grabbed at her little nightshirt. "I..." she cut herself off, argued with herself a little, then started again. "I don''t want to..." She paused again, another quiet argument with herself. "I like this." Then she looked at me like she was waiting for me to say something.


    "I like it too. Not just the super hot water that you somehow manage to make stay hot, either."


    She frowned, and I hoped I hadn''t fucked everything up by trying to cheer her up with a little humor. "No. I..." She sighed, then looked down at her feet. "I don''t want to lose this. I''ve been saying ''maybe'' to keep this. I don''t want to lose it, but telling you ''maybe'' just to get something... It''s wrong."


    I sighed, then held out my arms. She shook her head, and I dropped them. "Yeah. I know. It''s why you can tell me no and you won''t. Lose this. You need somebody to look out for you, to keep you from being lonely when you need to sleep in here. Somebody to maybe be a buffer between you and the rowdy kids. Somebody to hit the library for you and for you to read to. I really like doing all that, but even if I didn''t, I''m here, you need somebody, and I''m the one who can. So I will, even if I stop liking it. Which I probably won''t, honestly. I''m kinda a creature of habit. And one of the worst habits I have is talking when I should be listening, so I''m gonna shut up now."


    She shot me a crooked smile, then took a deep breath and said, "Yes."


    I opened my mouth, then shut it again, miming locking it and throwing away the key. She smirked, and I proceeded to mime a whole ''trying to talk with my mouth shut'' thing. When she laughed, I settled, shrugged, and nodded to her.


    She quieted, then took a deep breath and said, "I meant yes. You can marry Mama. Marie. You have my permission."


    I slipped down to kneel before her, looking up at her. "Is that what you want? Are you sure?"


    She nodded, then shook her head. "I don''t know. I just know it doesn''t matter. You love her. Using that to make you do things for me is wrong."


    I threw my arms around her. "I''m so proud of you, Maze. So proud." I pulled back, hands on her shoulders. "Do you think the water''s hot enough yet?"


    "You still want to?"


    I rolled my eyes. "Duh. I said so, didn''t I?"


    It turned out the water was not, in fact, hot enough yet. Even with judiciously applied Fire Bolt, it took us like fifteen minutes to get the water right.


    When we finished our baths this morning, before we left the room following the rest of the crowd, Maze held us back, then grabbed Marie''s hand and laid mine on it. "Yes."


    Saffron chuckled and said, "you know we''re a package deal, right?"


    Maze laughed, grabbed Saffron''s hand, then heaved an absolutely over the top sigh. "Fine." Then she slapped Saffron''s hand on top of mine.


    Something occurred to me just then, and I said, "hey Maze, you wanna see something neat?" She looked at me, and I slipped Saffron''s hand under Marie''s, then thought, because you will definitely be the meat in this sandwich, at my Murder Mittens while we held her murder mitten.


    I knew I''d got it right when Marie''s whole head and hands went pink, and Maze giggled. "Isnomi''s right. You three are silly."


    When we finished breakfast, I grabbed Marie for overwatch duty, then snagged Maze for our now routine Mimic and Co-Locate to the Academy Suite. A third me went to my standard Monday appointment.


    When that me got to Loki''s cave, he took one look and shook his head. "Daughter, can you not go a single week without one of you dying?"


    I shrugged. "One of me dying hurts, but I''ll get over it. One of my people dying, they might not. Especially against the fucking Undead."


    "I still find it horrifying that you face them in person like that. They are dangerous, even, no, especially to us." He shuddered.


    "Yeah, apparently I get an extra dose of that from being a Psychopomp, maybe, but I get a couple tools to fight against them too. Well, having an experienced psychopomp to help develop it means we''ve got a good one." When he asked the question with his eyes, I said, "Smite. Saffron''s shown you, right?"


    "Ah, yes. I''ve seen the Shape. Does it work as well as hoped?"


    "Been using it for a while now. It wrecks their shit real good." I smiled up at him. "So, only died twice this week, and to lucky arrows rather than Hole Spawn or beating my own face in."


    He pulled his table over, I dropped The Dress and hopped up on. He lay his hands on the sides of my head and frowned. "Where else are you?"


    I shrugged. "One of me is up on the mast doing overwatch with Marie. Another is reading with Maze."


    "You realize I cannot realign things when you are Co-Located?"


    I sighed. "Yeah. I kinda figured. I hoped keeping it to just two of me would be enough. What if I let Marie fend for herself today?"


    He sat back, leaning against the back of his chair and folding his arms. "But not this Maze?"


    I shook my head. "She''s the one I did the face beating thing for. She''s... She''s a little kid with nobody else in the fuckin'' world, because I killed the only people she had."


    "So this means she is your responsibility?"


    I growled up at him. "I don''t care what it takes to explain it to you or anybody else. She''s a kid who needs me, and I will not disappoint her if I can possibly help it. If you can''t understand that, she''s mine by right of fuckin'' conquest, and I will not be a poor caretaker."


    He held a hand up, not commanding, but asking patience. When I went still, he lay that big palm on the side of my face. "Your temper might be a touch on edge with unresolved deaths on your Soul, but still, you stand for her. Stand up to me for her, while allowing me to touch your Soul." He pulled me to him, arms wrapping around me, his skin cool against mine. "I am proud of you, Daughter. I claim the Domain of Hearth and Home, but it is you who gave me a Hearth, who made this cave a Home rather than a prison. And when the tides of war washed this child up at your feet, before you even knew you might have a debt to her, you took her into your Home, into your heart, did you not?"


    I shrugged, mildly annoyed but enjoying the feeling of being hugged by a dad who made me feel like a little little kid again. "That''s what you do." Then, because it seemed to warrant repeating. "That''s what you fuckin'' do, if you''re not a fuckin'' piece of garbage human being."


    "So proud." He held me out, not unlike I''d held Maze out the night before, his hands on my shoulders, then lifted his hands to encompass my head. He Shaped Mana, and something like a full body glove slipped around me, sank under my skin. It felt kind of like an ace bandage, but all over my body, and perfectly applied, so no part of me had any more pressure than any other.


    "The fuck was that?" I asked, more mystified by the odd sensation than mad.


    "You do recall I once said I could apply temporary measures to help you from further injury, to perhaps help you heal?" I nodded. "One of those. The best I can do without all of you here. Now." He lifted me from the table, and set me on my chair, which Sigyn slid in behind me.


    She leaned over my shoulder and said, "tell us about this new granddaughter of ours."


    On the mast of the Black Dragon, starting about an hour after the sun rose, Marie looked at me and said, "This." then switched from Glowing Midnight to her Maid''s uniform. "This."


    I blinked, then said, "I like both. You''re super hot in Glowing Midnight, but you just feel Mom shaped in your Maid outfit."


    She rolled her eyes and said, "Choose."


    I sighed and shook my head, smiling a little. "Bedroom or public?"


    She smiled at me and said, "Both."


    I pouted up at her. "And those are my only two choices?"


    She smiled, sighed, then shook her head and said, "Choose."


    I grinned up at her and said, "anything?" She winced a little, but nodded. I banished all her clothes and watched her go pink. When she stood there, proud despite her blush, I said, "maybe, but..." then I dropped her jeans and white tee shirt on her, and an impish grin curled my lips as she visibly sagged with relief. I stepped up to her and said, "not quite," before reaching up, taking the collar of her tee shirt in both hands, and carefully ripped the seam and about an inch and a half beneath it.


    She looked down her front, her eyes crossing cutely. "Fix?"


    "Don''t. You. Fucking. Dare. That''s a note to myself, on account of my terrible memory." When she raised an eyebrow, smiling, I said, "it says, ''tear here for emergency Marie titty access." She grinned, but I saw the pink peeking through the tear. I leaned in and pulled her down with one finger in that tear, then whispered, "which I absolutely intend to do next time you''re wearing this, with no more warning than, y''know, the sound of it ripping." She went almost as pink as she had been standing there posing naked for me. I forced my smile to gentle, then quietly said, "seriously, though, you blush a lot more now. Am I really embarrassing you?" She tilted her head, half shrugged. "Am I pushing you past your limits, past what you''re comfortable with?"


    She swallowed, then said, "yes"


    I nodded and pulled her in to a hug. "Okay. I''ll stop."


    My head rang where the back of it had slammed into the upright of the mast proper. Marie''s claws dug into the steel behind my head, and she growled into my face. "No."


    I coughed, then chuckled. "You want that?" She nodded. "Want your boundaries pushed?" Another nod. "Stretched?" Her snarl melted and she nodded again. "Folded, spindled, mutilated until they''re so saggy I can drape them over me like a shawl when it gets cold?" I couldn''t say much of anything after that. Hard to talk with a pink Maenad licking your tonsils.


    Back in the suite, Maze looked up at me. "More? Really?"


    "You still want to, right?" She nodded, speechless, and I said, "okay then. What did you want to read today?"


    "Wee Free Men?"


    I nodded, but said, "did you want to read that one again, or the next book in the series?" At her wide eyed look, I said, "yeah, there''s like four or five books, all stories about her."


    She didn''t speak, she just nodded like her head was gonna come off, so I led her over to the bookshelf. After looking for like half an hour, we had three books. Wee Free Men plus the third and fourth books in the series. I shook my head. "I''m down to read book three if you want." A tiny frown etched itself across her lips, but she reached for Wintersmith. I gently took her hand, then looked at where Saffron sat coding. "Kitten? I''m gonna show her." She raised an eyebrow, and I said, "she''s family."


    "Do you think she''s ready?"


    I shrugged and turned to Maze. "I think I can get that last book for you. But... it''ll take me doing something that''s a family secret. Nobody outside the family knows... Well, okay, two people do now, but they''re... uh... really close friends." Saffron laughed, and I frowned at her. She waved me onward, so i turned back to Maze. "So. Family secret. Can you keep it if I show you? I want to show you where the books come from."


    She shook her head, but said, "I can keep secrets."


    "Will you keep this one?"


    "Yes," she said, like I was some kind of idiot for asking.


    I stood, held my hand out, wrapped my Blend around us until we were a ghost of a memory, then dropped my personal Blend. "Ready to go to my own personal library?"


    She looked up, eyes wide, but took my hand. I stepped us to M-Space, gliding upward until we stood gazing at the gently undulating tips of a billion tentacles. She gasped, and I asked, "what do you think?"


    She looked up at me, mouth kinda perma-dropped open, then whispered, "pretty." A pause, then, "scary." She looked up, met my eyes, and said, "my..." she trailed off, then grinned as mischievously as Menace ever had and asked, "my papa?"


    I laughed, then did that little shapeshifting twist I''d done for Saffron the night previous. "If that''s what you want?"


    She blurted out a hissed laugh, curling around herself and collapsing to the waving tentacle tips below us, laughing. "No. No, the other way."


    I switched back, then scooped her up and settled her on my shoulders, her hands still in mine. "You ready to go get that book?"


    She wriggled her hands free, and I dropped my hands to her thighs to brace her. She pointed forward in a pose she probably thought was noble, but looked totes adorable as, speaking in the kind of clear, loud, raucous voice I associated with kids who aren''t scared of any damn thing in the world, she called out, "to the library!"

 Day Three Hundred And Eighty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    "I hope I am remembered by my children as a good father."


    - Orson Scott Card


    Y''know, I never read any of his books; heard they didn''t age well, and the movie didn''t grab me that hard. But this, oh, my god, this. This captures the essence of it, I think. If at some point when she''s an adult Isnomi turns to me and and says ''I''m glad you''re my Mom'', or even if Maze says ''I''m glad you''re my papa'', I am definitely gonna need some time for a good cry. A definite, ''I have won at life'' moment.


    Yeah, I wonder if this is what it''s like for rich people. Like, if I could reach back and grab myself from before I got Isekaied by bullet-kun, show her my life here and now, I''m sure she''d say something like, ''holy shit, we won at life'' or something similar. Because when I look at it from the perspective of a young woman who''d gradually had everything taken from her, bit by bit, my current life is pretty fuckin'' sweet. My short stack hottie wife and I have two different suites with Maid service. Our Maid slash Concubine slash gonna be wife with slash fic crazy sexx0rz up in that bitch is gonna wind up a literally blushing bride, and now I want Conrad to tweak the dress so her blush turns it pink. Hell, I think we''ve got another two houses? Homes? Buildings we own? My wife literally worships me, and I adore the fuck both out of and into her. My gonna be wife is so traditionally wifey that I have to concentrate to remember that she is not, in fact, already wifed. The three of us have six kids with every intention of making more, and there isn''t any aspect of child rearing that one or more of us doesn''t love doing.


    Seriously, we''re rich, powerful, and happy as fuck. Kid me couldn''t even complain about lack of candy, what with Murder Mittens'' supernatural ability to recreate any fuckin'' food I can think of. Yet somehow my brain has decided on new win conditions. Like, I got all this, but I need more. Then again, I guess that one isn''t so much ''need more'' so much as ''need evidence that I''m doing good with everything I''ve been given''. Hell, maybe that''s part of why. Given. Like I didn''t earn all of this. I mean, shit, what have I done at the end of the day other than killed a shit ton of people. Okay, some of those people were serious fucking assholes, so maybe I did the world a service by servicing them into the ground. But still, I stand by my statement. Kid comes by and says ''you''re a good mama / papa / parent'', and I''m gonna make myself a fucking trophy that says ''I won life, fuck you''.


    So yesterday was pretty fuckin'' awesome. Spent the day gushing to Sigyn and Loki about Maze, spent the day first scrying up, duplicating, then starting to read a copy of Hat Full of Sky with the girl child herself, and spent most of the overwatch day cycling Marie through different outfits ''just to be sure''.


    Sadly, her armored add-ons didn''t go well with the tee and jeans, nor did they work all by themselves. Her in a suit not unlike Saffron''s from the Battle of the Bands set wheels spinning in my head. Fortunately I remembered my recent unfortunate reactions to boy mode Saffron, or Marie would have had another Boon and a commandment to make use of it and me in the Captain''s quarters. Hell, I''d be lying if I said I didn''t think about just going there anyway, but at the time I was having too much fun playing dress up doll. Of course, I realized my big limitation when I tried to put her in a cheerleader outfit. Despite my intention to do so, I''d never actually had one of those made for Saffron, and while I''m really good at mimicking shit, I''m a little lacking when it comes to ''original creations''. Go figure. Thankfully, I''ve got Marie and Conrad, both of whom are awesome at that shit and enjoy doing it. Which means given the simplicity of the design I described, I''m pretty sure Saffron and Marie will both have one of those within the week. I very carefully did not put her back in her jeans and tee again, because I am absolutely a woman and goddess of my word, and that tee shirt was getting ripped open next time she wore it. Hate to have to have her make another one just to be ripped up again.


    Brought her home back in Glowing Midnight with the armored add-ons in place. Dunno if they helped the one time she got called in, but seeing her come back with ichor splatter all over them definitely put me in a mood. Took advantage of dinner time Co-Location to get her nice and clean up in the tub. So adorable when she blushed at my very pointed opinions about her in uncanny valley mode.


    After we got the kids ready for bed, I turned to Maze and said, "here or bedroom?"


    She looked at the tub, got a cute little frown on her face, and said, "somebody''s had a bath in here tonight."


    I laughed and confessed. "Yeah, your mama Marie got a little messy today." When she frowned at me, I said, "I swear, I didn''t do it! She had to rescue some people from Undead down in Calverton, and I guess there were enough she couldn''t take them all out without some getting on her."


    Her eyes got a little wide when I told her Marie had been rescuing people from Undead, but after I finished talking she huffed out a sigh. "Didn''t you help her?"


    I shook my head. "She can tell me if she needs my help, and if she doesn''t, I need to keep watch in case other people need saving."


    She nodded, then frowned as she reached up to take my hand. "What if another group needs saving while you''re out?"


    I doubled myself to take her other hand as well, swinging her up as she laughed. "Then things get a little complicated." When I set her down and collapsed back into one of me, she led me into the bedroom, and I locked the door behind us before claiming my spot in the cuddle pile.


    Mimic dreamt of dancing like nobody was watching. No, seriously, doing the whole ''inflatable flailing guy at grand openings'' dance. Fuckin hypermelanistic orange tabby, I tell you. Dancing while shrimp chili rained from the sky.


    Morning clean routine was morning clean routine; at the end Maze came over to me, did uppy hands, and when I lifted her up she scrambled around onto my shoulders. I hadn''t really realized how tall the doors in Lancaster House were. I thought I''d have to duck, but Marie didn''t, so after the first one when Maze complained I stayed upright and hid my wince when she slapped the door frame. When we got to the dining room, I swear Menace''s eyes got bigger than her whole fuckin'' face, like she''d never thought of that, or had forgotten about it or some shit.


    Today wound up being a little weird. Not terrible, but different in weird ways. One of me stood watch with Marie down on the mast of the Black Dragon. Nothing much happened; she got called in once, but we only had three red flags total. One of me played with the kids; at one point I realized that my deception had not gone unnoticed when Menace sniffed out my hiding spot, pounced on me, and whispered, "found you, Mama!" One of me sat on Menace''s bed and let Maze read to me. We finished maybe a third of the book, although part of that might have been because she fell asleep for an hour or so in the middle of the day.


    When I hopped Saffron and I to the Practice Yard for the day, she looked around and said, "I had a different kind of exercise in mind for today, love." A moment later she looked up at me while I stared at her naked boobs in the now bedless Love Shack, then broke up laughing. "Not this either, you Goof." Then she smiled. "Maybe later."


    "Maybe?"


    She rolled her eyes. "Fine. Of course later. Maybe even less later than you think."


    I restored our uniforms and asked, "okay, so what are we doing today?"


    She said, "just a moment," concentrated on something, then moved her hand around like she was interacting with a Spell window. After a few moments she nodded, then took my hand and stepped us to a classroom. "Good morning, Doctor Roberts. I was wondering if we could we borrow Cadet Carruthers for the day?"


    They frowned, but said, "I suppose, although I''d hate to impede his progress."


    Saffron looked over at Linus, who''d just really registered our presence, and said, "I''m more than willing to tutor Cadet Carruthers if he''s in need. Linus? What say you? We could use someone to help us with some heavy work."


    He sighed, then stood up, carefully closing his book. "Okay, Imperator. Where do you need me?"


    Saffron smiled at him. "This isn''t a command from the Imperator, Linus. It''s a request from a friend and fellow Cadet."


    "But you''re a Hero now?"


    She rolled her eyes. "Yes, but we were Cadets together, and with how hard you work at it, I''m sure you''ll be a Hero eventually too. Now, would you rather stay and study with Doctor Roberts today, or come help us." She paused. "If Doctor Roberts doesn''t mind, you can bring your book and Tabitha and I will," she paused, absolutely deliberately, "help you study later."


    Carruthers looked at Doc Roberts, innocent puppy dog eyes coming naturally to him, and Doc laughed and waved. "Go ahead."


    Saffron stepped the three of us into a room I recognized almost immediately as a Lancaster farmstead farm house. "Just a moment," she said, then disappeared.


    "What are we doing here?"


    "No idea, man. This is as much a surprise to me as it was to you, although I think this is the farmstead Lancaster gave Saffron for her birthday, maybe?"


    He looked around. "It''s kinda a wreck. Does she want us to fix it up or something?"


    I shrugged. "Maybe?"


    He shook his head. "I''m not really good at fixing things."


    I laughed. "Me neither, dude. I just break shit."


    At that point Saffron arrived with Lachlan in tow. The two looked at each other, then did one of those Arnie and Weathers hand clasps, followed by a big bro hug. I think the two of them together might have actually tipped the muscle to brains ratio deeply to the muscle side, even with Saffron standing in the room. Then Lachlan did the same thing with me, and I realized that it had already been near even, what with him being the one to wince a little. At that point I had to do the same for Carruthers, and lemme tell you, it''s surprising for someone to be stronger than a big strong bastard of a Phileo Hero like Lachlan without actually being, y''know, a Phileo Hero.


    After our big old bro hug fest, all three of us turned to Saffron, and I asked, "okay, Kitten. What did you need the three of us for?" Short Stack Saffron''s first three horse hitch, starring this pair of Clydesdales?


    She snerked a little at that. Don''t tempt me, we have work to do. "Heir Lancaster has graciously granted us this farmstead, but the farmhouse itself is patently insufficient to our needs as an abode. So before we begin taking on farm workers or even think about moving our family in, we''ll need to build anew."


    If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.


    Carruthers held up a hand, and when Saffron nodded to him, he said, "I don''t know much about building, but won''t the buildings you have get in the way?"


    Lachlan snorted and shoulder-bumped Carruthers. "I think she wants us to help get rid of the old ones, man."


    "OH!" Carruthers looked down to Saffron. "Really?"


    She smiled, way more patient than I would be. "Yes, Linus. I would very much like it if you two could help Tabitha and I take down the current buildings." And maybe help Tabitha and I do some Science! Later.


    My gaze snapped onto her when that thought percolated into my brain, but Lachlan had a question. "How do you want us to do it?"


    She nodded, Grinning at me. "Any furnishings should go to the west barn. Any fixtures which can be removed intact, or rendered into lumber, please put the lumber into the west barn as well. We''ll pile the stone in the courtyard. Neatly, please, I intend to reuse as much as possible, one way or another."


    Lachlan interrupted my intended Saffron interrogating by asking, "just the farmhouse?"


    Saffron shook her head. Later, love. For now, you simmer... For Science! "No, we''ll be expanding the courtyard, and both the farmhouse and the bunkhouses will be expanded as well. So we''ll be taking both of them down, as well as the north and south barns."


    Lachlan whistled long and low. "How much do you plan on expanding the place?"


    She just looked at him and deadpanned, "yes."


    That got a laugh out of both of them, and Saffron waved the three of us into starting. She didn''t shirk herself, either, although she couldn''t quite reach as high as the three of us. Hell, Lachlan and Carruthers both had at least a foot of reach on me, too. We started with the furniture from all three buildings. Honestly, there wasn''t much; it looked like the last residents might have used some of it for firewood. When we finally got outside, I got a look at the grounds. The place was set into the end of a valley. Hell, it was almost a box canyon, with mountains on both sides, the farmstead backed by a low hill to the west with a barn behind it, and a short valley to the east that culminated in a shored up cave.


    "Y''know, I can''t think this place gets that much sun in the morning," I said as I carried a pair of big chairs toward the barn to the west.


    "It does not." Saffron confirmed.


    I shrugged. "So maybe we ought to put the farmstead up against the hill, since we''re rebuilding?"


    Saffron nodded to me. "I''d intended to do so, once I conferred with you."


    Lachlan frowned. "Not traditional." He blushed. "Not that you have to follow tradition. Your farmstead, and you''re not using Lancaster funds for the rebuilding. But what about the mine? Is it played out or something?"


    Saffron shook her head. "Larry told me he suspected it was, mostly, but there are a few veins which were never tapped. I only found them via Divination."


    Lachlan shook his head. "How are you gonna get into it then?"


    As we reached the barn and started setting furniture inside, she said, "Since we do not intend to have ''Women''s Quarters'' in our house, since they''d be rather redundant, I''ll be leaving the rear of the first floor as the mine entrance." She Grinned up at the pair as we started back toward the house. "Unless one or both of you are volunteering to fill the ''Men''s Quarters'' if we build them?" Both guys kinda gabbled at that, coherence apparently being beyond their shared brain cell. Saffron put on her best serious face and said, "I promise you, you''ll be absolutely safe. I''ll even allow you to wear clothing." They both got a little red, and I realized that the problem wasn''t lack of brain cells, it was their entire blood supply being redirected to the wrong heads. "At least one day a week." They both laughed at that, but it definitely had that brittle edge of dudes who had no idea if the woman flirting with them was serious or not.


    Above the neck I wasn''t sure if I really wanted my Kitten pulling that particular train, but I had to admit her flirting was totally hot. Also, trying to be honest with myself, I admitted that I would absolutely let her do any blessed thing she wanted, and count myself lucky if I got to join in. At one point, with the other two out of sight, I shifted over to boy me for a moment, and my lower brain chimed in loud and clear that I was absolutely down for being one of the Little Engines That Desperately Wanted To.


    Like halfway through the day, when the sun was at its hottest, first Carruthers, then Lachlan, then I had stripped off first our jackets, then shirts. Kinda weird contrast, what with Carruthers having a full on ''chest bush'', as Austin Powers would say, and Lachlan being smooth chested. When I pulled my shirt off, the two of them looked away, then glanced back, then turned to blatantly stare. I definitely got some weird mixed emotions about that. Oddly enough, none of them were shame at being looked at. Some guilt and shame at the very insistent thought I''d like them to do more than look, yeah, but no shame about what they were looking at. Ripped body is ripped, after all, and somehow I''d retained my tits despite stupid low bodyfat elsewhere. Blend for the win. When I realized I''d caused a full on work stoppage, I laughed and said, "really, guys, if you think mine are nice, you should see hers."


    I gestured at Saffron, who had pulled off her jacket but kept the shirt on underneath, despite how sweat made it go sheer and clingy enough to give anybody looking a very good idea at the massive monsters lurking beneath, but neither of them looked. Carruthers said, "holy shit, Diaz. How the fuck are you still alive?"


    I looked down and realized that along with the girls I''d also revealed a lot more of my scars than I normally did to anybody but my wives, our kids, and their close friends, who were all little kids. I shrugged. "Shit had to get done. I didn''t have time to die."


    Lachlan walked over, and if I tensed up, it was absolutely not that I thought I was in any kind of danger. He might have been, but then again, he too was a genuine Phileo City Hero, and a big old himbo to boot. He could take it, I was sure. He got just out of reach and dropped to one knee. "Champion Diaz, I must apologize."


    A nervous laugh leaked out of me. "Oh, hey, I''m the one that pulled them out. Can''t say I''d be totally upset about joining all the Lancaster House Ladies in your personal spank bank."


    He glanced up, confused, then shook his head. I swore I saw my statement fly out one ear, never to be thought about again. "No, Champion. I... When they announced you as a Hero-In-Waiting, I was jealous. Have had jealous thoughts more than once, that you might not deserve the title. But..." His eyes roamed across my skin, and he shuddered. "Any who suffered so in the service of Phileo surely deserves that Title. None more than you, Champion."


    I reached down, took his arm, and pulled him to his feet. I looked up at him and said, "Lachlan, I can tolerate Diaz. Commander, even, just for old time''s sake. But seriously, Champion''s just way too much. I''d rather you call me Tabitha."


    Right then Saffron had to make it weird by muttering, just loud enough to hear despite the laughter in her voice, "I''m sure she''d rather you scream it at some point."


    Holy shit, Kitten. Pimping me out or something?


    For Science! Also, I intend no profit from this save helping you with whatever has gripped you. Besides, look at him.


    I did, and I realized that he''d suddenly become extremely aware of my gender and proximity. I pulled him in for a quick back slapping bro hug, really trying to ignore the fact that I now knew that he wasn''t bare-chested, but his chest hair was so fine and light as to be invisible outside of, like, licking distance. Then I stepped back, pushing him back half a step as I did. "Not like he''d be interested, anyway, right? I mean, you''re with Raven, right?"


    He got the weirdest look, then said, "I''ve been fulfilling Larry''s duties to the Ladies, since, uh, the Heir Consort doesn''t want him doing that."


    "Holy shit, Lachlan, you dog!" I bumped his shoulder, and he looked at me funny.


    "Why do I think you don''t mean that as an insult?"


    I barked out a laugh, "beside the fact that I refer to myself as the Imperator''s Attack Dog? Dude, don''t you know how dogs look at the world?" When he shook his head, I clued him in. "If you can''t eat it or fuck it, piss on it." That got a laugh out of both of them, if a little scandalized in Lachlan''s case. I looked back at Saffron. "So, with all that pussy he''s servicing, no way he''d want a torn up piece like me, right?"


    "I didn''t say that," Lachlan muttered.


    When I turned back to look at him, he''d turned away, but Carruthers was still staring. A little higher than he had been before. "Yeah. You''re pretty, and you''re really fit. Nice tits, too. And... uh..." I watched the smoke as his brain tried to process something that had happened in the land foreign to Carruthers known as sixty seconds ago, until he blurted out, "and didn''t you just say you''re a dog, too?"


    "Okay! Enough talking, we''ve got more buildings to demolish!"


    The four of us worked our asses off, and by the time the sun approached the hill to our west, we had pretty much everything broken down. It helped that the two guys could lift even the biggest of the slabs of stone between the two of them, and Saffron and I could handle about eighty percent of them with just the two of us, no shapeshifting shenanigans needed. The two of us watched the two of them screwing around with the last bit to be demolished, the chimney. Carruthers wrenched each stone free and tossed it to Lachlan, who caught it and added it to the enormous pile of stones and slabs covering the courtyard.


    Saffron looked up at me from where she''d leaned her back against me. So. They''d obviously be willing to split you like cordwood, in sequence or in turn. Thoughts? For Science?


    The moment she thought that to me, I tensed up a little. A moment before, they''d just been some really yummy scenery goofing off. Now, though, shit got suddenly way more real. Uh. Yeah. Holy shit why do I suddenly want to be the meat in that sandwich?


    Suddenly?


    I rolled my eyes. Okay, yeah, I guess I just never thought about it before. Prime bread there, though.


    Indeed. So I should tell them?


    She opened her mouth, and I thought, No! No, I. Shit. Fuck, shit, bless, why the fuck?


    So, which is worse?


    Uh... Lachlan. Both ways. Good and bad. At her raised eyebrow, I thought, I think I prefer the smooth look.


    Good to know. Now, when I tell you that I would pay to see you have your way with them, individually and in tandem, enjoying it all the while, and am thrilled that I could have that for free, does that change things?


    I stopped staring at the guys, harder to do than I''d really like to admit, and thought about that. Then looked back at them and let my mind and lady bits collab on some fantasizing, only this time with Saffron playing cheerleader. In her cheerleader outfit, obviously. Yeah. Still problematic, but... She waited, and I let the emotions percolate. Less so, I think? Like I think it would definitely leave me feeling some kind of way, but I could maybe pull that off, if you really wanted me to? Like, took charge and just verbally puppetted me through the whole encounter? I frowned and looked down at her. Are you making up your wish list for your next birthday already?


    She smiled and shook her head. Funny that you mention birthdays, but no, love. Are you still certain you want past those feelings?


    Will it involve pulling a Lachlan Linus train?


    She giggled. You realize I''m a little envious that I''m not included on that list? But to answer your question? I don''t think so. Unless, at some point, you tell me you specifically want it to.


    I sighed. Why are you doing this?


    She wriggled herself around and pulled my arms around her. Because you asked me to, love.


    Yeah, but what do you get out of it?


    She shook her head, which did interesting things where her shirt had definitely not dried off yet, as it mooshed its way across my abs. My love for you is not transactional, Goof. But if an answer will help you, I get a wife who no longer feels guilt at her harmless desires. I get a partner who might join with Marie and I in uninhibited Dionysian Revels. I get to see the woman I love smile more, frown less, and indulge her harmless desires with no fear of recrimination or consequence. She pulled me down into a kiss and thought, I get you, unbound.


    I thought you liked me bound?


    Only when I put them there. And after last time we did that with Marie, I think I want to watch you break them even more than I want to watch you struggle.


    The taste of her on my tongue, I pulled back just a little to stare into her eyes. "I love you, Saffron Aetos."


    "And I you, Tabitha Diaz."


    At that point Lachlan cleared his throat, and I looked over Saffron''s head to see Lachlan and Carruthers both standing there, each with their shirts and jacket slung over one shoulder. "Uh..."


    Saffron leaned back against my arms and shimmied up my front until she threw her head back with her tits mushed against mine. "Sorry, gentlemen. I don''t believe we four will be playing tonight." When both of them looked crestfallen, she continued. "We seem to have dismantled all the bedrooms." When Lachlan looked like he was about to say something, she laughed and said, "trust me, my Goof is one you''ll want a bed for."


    Both of them nodded, sighing a little, but not, like, rude or aggressive about it. Just two half naked dudes looking at two half naked chicks, disappointed but accepting. I actually almost changed my mind right there, but that damn part of my brain that kept fucking with me by keeping me from fucking reared it''s damn head again.


    At that point Lachlan turned away, throwing an arm over Carruthers'' shoulder and turning him as well. My sudden dreams of Yaoi were shattered when Lachlan said, "ever been to the Ladies'' Quarters?"


    "Isn''t that against the rules?"


    Lachlan shrugged. "I don''t think the Heir cares much about that any more." Then he straightened up. "Never thought I''d find a bright side to that!"


    Such a fuckin'' himbo.

 Day Three Hundred And Eighty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    "A good plan isn''t one where someone wins, it''s where nobody thinks they''ve lost."


    - Terry Pratchett


    Y''know, I wonder if my whole Alliance plan is a good one by that metric. I guess there are a few definite losers, like Arse, who can''t generate some easy Worship and Glory by stirring up shit in the Atlantean Northeast any more. Well, not without getting Saint Boltophsberg into the mix, and from what I remember from class they''re beholden to an entirely different Pantheon. Hell, I''m pretty sure even the rich fuckers think they''re doing better, since Lancaster has pretty much handed over Lancaster House over to Larry, and gone full time into making the Alliance work.


    Okay, yeah, some of the gods definitely came out losers. Sengann and Apollo most of all, but between the Emergency Coring Tentacles in Domnu and the Nasal Brain Tentacles in Artemis, I''m pretty sure they''ve taken an L so far. Arse and Aphrodite haven''t taken any personal losses, but I haven''t heard from her High Priestess in months, and his remaining High Priest in the Alliance is currently all set to play the lead role in the remake of Metallica''s One video.


    But everybody else seems pretty okay with things.


    So yesterday after giving the boys a ride back to Lancaster House, hiding our giggles as we listened to Lachlan giving Carruthers tips that could have been from a brochure labeled ''gigolo: good career or best career'', Saffron and I retreated to the suite to laugh our sweat soaked half naked asses off. I dunno if it says something about me maturing as a person or the two of them being a comedy duo for the age, a kind of ''what if Dumb and Dumber were Hot Guys'', but Saffron and I did nothing worse than some really enthusiastic bathing. Okay, probably me laughing too much, because she definitely encouraged me to get those stunning breasts fully clean. No idea why she didn''t get pissed at me for not leaping at the slow pitches she was throwing, but she just got gigglier as the rest of us collapsed into the pair of us at the dinner table.


    As we did, she looked at me in the tub and said, "okay, ready for the last bit of me making you uncomfortable For Science?"


    I sighed. "Last bit, huh?"


    She nodded. "I think so. Before we go any further though? I want you to know, if you want this to stop, at any point, just say the word."


    I smirked. "What word?"


    "Stop. You say stop, we stop, I stop, I don''t start again until you explicitly tell me you want to try again."


    I smiled at her. "Now I kind of want to say it just to mess with you."


    She shapeshifted, and he said, "more than you want this?"


    "Oh, you magnificent bitch put that away now please."


    She snuggled into me, laughing. "Just a moment then while I check on something." A brief pause while I had nothing better to do than enjoy the feel of her, wet and slippery against me in the tub. Then she looked up and said, "ready?"


    At my nod she stepped the two of us to the Ladies'' Infirmary. Sister Siobhan, seated at her desk, looked over and sat there with her mouth hanging open, because Saffron hadn''t thought to, y''know, clothe us or anything like that. "A towel might have been nice, Kitten."


    She laughed, "suddenly modest?"


    I shook my head, laughing as well, "nah, just suddenly dripping on the floor."


    Sister Siobhan muttered something suspiciously like, "not the only one." Then she looked me square in the eye. "This isn''t exactly the romantic rendezvous I''d hoped for."


    Saffron stepped forward and said, "apologies, Sister, but Tabitha has been dealing with some issues. A mental block of sorts, I think."


    Suddenly Sister Siobhan was all business. "No need to apologize. Do you feel comfortable sharing the details with me, Tabitha?"


    Saffron interrupted me, saying, "I''ve been exploring the limits of the block, and I''d love to discuss them with you later, this evening or tomorrow if at all possible, but right now I wanted your help with a final bit of testing."


    Sister Siobhan frowned. "Of course I''ll assist however will best help Tabitha, but before we go any further," she looked at me ignoring Saffron. "Tabitha, do you consent to allowing Saffron to discuss this matter with me?"


    I thought for a second, not about the direction of my answer, but how I wanted to phrase it. "Sister Siobhan, for now and forevermore, I consent to allow you to discuss anything about me with my wife Saffron." I paused a second, looking at both of them in turn. "I trust the two of you. If you''re not talking about it in front of me, it''s because that would make it worse, or fuck up you trying to help, or god knows what else. I''m pretty fuckin'' sure you''re both smarter than me, and all three of us know that if whatever you guys are talking about takes more than like sixty seconds, I''m gonna get completely lost and wind up thinking about whether I could dual wield the two of you as well as Marie." When both of them blushed a little, I finished with, "that''s a yes on consent, by the way."


    Saffron clapped her hands together. "Excellent." Then she stepped over and slid the chair under the door handle. Not nearly as thoroughly as Marie had done, but well enough that we wouldn''t be walked in on accidentally. "Sister, I know this is very forward, but would you be willing to disrobe, please?"


    My mouth dropped open. I swear Sister Siobhan''s eyes almost popped out of their sockets at that. She didn''t quite splutter, but after a moment she took a deep breath, obviously deliberately calming herself. "This is just for Tabitha''s mental health, yes?"


    "I swear to you, I would not be asking this of you if I did not think it important in diagnosing the nature of her block."


    Sister Siobhan''s mouth quirked up and she said, "I note that you did not quite answer my question."


    "I try not to lie." Saffron leaned forward, making certain distracting orbs sway. "You are very beautiful. And we are both, after all, naked already." She held up a hand. "Not as a means to pressure you. But to assure you that we will be open with you as well, that I don''t ask anything of you that I wouldn''t do myself."


    Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    Sister Siobhan smiled as she said, "oh, but I''m to undress in front of your wife, while you''re undressed in front of your wife. Not quite the same." But she slipped her robes off her shoulders, let them slip to the floor around her ankles. Underneath she had a simple white slip, and as she lifted the hem over her head, she exposed skin as pale white as her robes themselves. She lay the slip on her desk as I tried not to stare at her slim figure, desperately tried not to think about what I wanted to do after our date. Then she raised her hands, slipped her headpiece off of her head, and my vision blurred a little as her hair cascaded down over her shoulders, her back, some even down her front to veil her breasts.


    "Tabitha," she said as she set the headpiece on the table next to her slip, "are you..."


    "Pardon, Sister. A moment. If I asked you, right now, to postpone your ''date'' indefinitely in favor of Tabitha having her way with you right now, right here, would you? Willingly?"


    "That, Saffron, is a very forward question."


    Saffron nodded. "It is. If she needed you so desperately she could not speak, would you? Do you want her as well?"


    Sister Siobhan snorted. "If I didn''t want her, I wouldn''t very well be going through with a date where she has already stated that she intends to separate me from my maidenhead." A low buzz started in my ears. I think I might have been panting a little.


    "So, if she wanted you to, if I said she needed you to, would you?"


    I think Sister Siobhan rolled her eyes. I''m not sure. The seeing and the thinking weren''t with the doing at the moment. "I already said I want to. If this was to be my only chance? My only hesitation would be, well..." She paused. "Not one. Two. First, would you be watching?"


    "Yes. Perhaps not from within the room. But I am a High Priestess of Mimic, and Tabitha is my wife. Should either of us do anything with anyone other than Marie, that is our boundary, that there are no secrets, nothing hidden, everything shared." After a brief pause, Saffron finished with, "but if you''re feeling shy, I would certainly watch from elsewhere."


    Sister Siobhan let out what might have been mistaken for a chuckle. "Well, I suppose after seeing with her eyes, hearing with her ears..."


    "Tasting with her tongue, feeling with her skin, yes."


    The Sister wheezed. "Guess you wouldn''t have any need to be with me after that."


    Saffron tilted her head forward, "and yet I still would, the moment she was finished with you, even."


    "Saffron Aetos, you are extremely forward, almost as demanding and domineering as your wife."


    "She is My Goddess, and as such I seek to emulate her in all ways. All. Ways. Always."


    Sister Siobhan laughed, brittle but real, at my Kitten''s declaration of her eventual fate, then stepped forward. "That said, I''ve never done this before. I''ve no more than the faintest of ideas how to go about..." Her fingers touched my shoulder, and I winced. Whimpered. Squeezed my eyes shut.


    "Tabitha." Saffron''s voice reached out and, gentle as a velvet coated vise, gripped me. "Open your eyes." I did. "Tell me. How do you feel." I whimpered. "Do you want Siobhan?" I nodded. "Could you take her right now?" I couldn''t speak, I just whined, guilt tearing at me. She gently turned my gaze to meet hers. "Tabitha, are you hearing me?" I nodded. "Go ahead, you have my consent, my permission, you may do unto her as you will. Take her."


    I shook my head. "Fuck. I can''t."


    Sister Siobhan lifted her hand up to gently cup my cheek, "you poor dear. What''s wrong?"


    "Dunno. I..."


    "Pardon, Sister, I wasn''t quite done. Tabitha?" I looked to her, and she waved a hand to encompass all of me. "Boy, please." I followed her instructions, and a moment later my knees hit the floor. "So, Siobhan, would you still?"


    Her voice fluttering, Siobhan said, "a much more traditional defloration. I must admit, that scares me more." I whimpered, my knees sliding apart, barely catching myself from faceplanting with one palm on the floor. A cool hand, longer fingered than Saffron''s, lay against my temple. "Yes, I still would. If terror were likely to stop me, I would have cancelled our date, wouldn''t I."


    "Tabitha? Better or worse?" I just whined at her, panting. "Go ahead. Enthusiastic permission given. I''m telling you to leave no depth of hers unplumbed. Go on, do it."


    "Oh, you bitch."


    Her voice suddenly soft, Saffron asked, "do you want me to stop?"


    "Helping?"


    "Perhaps."


    I ground out, "Did I say the word?"


    "So I have your permission to continue?" I nodded. She tapped at her teeth, I knew that mannerism by the sound. "One final thing, May I have her? Right now? Right here, should she consent?"


    "Saffron."


    "Shush."


    Hearing my Kitten shush Sister Siobhan, seeing her step over and lift her hand away from me, lay it on her own shoulder, snapped something loose. No, it released a tension that had been tearing me apart, but nothing exactly snapped. I flopped back on my ass and stared up at the pair of them, light and dark, both beautiful, and snorted. "One of my exes told me about something he called ''spite fapping''. You know I''m not gonna tell you no, but I swear to me that I will be doing just that while watching you." I pouted up at Saffron. "I wanted first go."


    She laughed, and with a gesture the three of us were clothed, Sister Siobhan in her normal robes, Saffron in Glowing Midnight, and me in my uniform. She lifted me to my feet, then pulled me and Siobhan both into a hug. "There, there, love. I know. I know. Have I ever stolen a treat I knew you wanted?"


    "Waffles."


    "Other than that."


    "Crepes."


    "I meant..."


    "Corncake."


    She smacked me as Sister Siobhan laughed. "I." Smack. "Meant." Smack. "Not." Smack. "Food." Smack. "Goof."


    By that point I was laughing right along with Sister Siobhan. I pulled them both to me, brushed my lips across Sister Siobhan''s forehead while refusing to let her tilt her head back in the slightest, then turned to Saffron, devoured her mouth, and when I came up for air, both lovely women in my arms, growled, "I think we''re done here."


    "Indeed," said Saffron, and the two of us stood in the Academy Suite bedroom. I went to shove her down on the bed, but she twisted and landed atop me. I reached, but she pinned my arms at my sides, then leaned down and kissed my nose. "Not tonight, love. Also? Girl, please."


    I shifted back to myself, realizing something in that moment. "Fuck, that thing''s like a little horniness amplifier, isn''t it? Makes it fuckin'' hard to think." Saffron giggled. "Tell me this is for more fuckin'' Science. I thought we were done?"


    She shook her head. "Not exactly, love. Call it... something I might need to help break your block."


    "What, you need me so horny I can''t think?"


    She raised an eyebrow. "Isn''t that just you?" I laughed, reached up, pushing her arms back, cupped her face in my hands, and pulled her down for a long, lingering kiss. "Careful."


    "I thought you wanted me all revved up with nowhere to come. If you finish me with a kiss, I think that''s a sign I''m ready, like one of those built in poultry thermometers. Just ''POP'' and I''m ready to eat." She smirked, giggled, then collapsed on top of me laughing. "I mean, if you laugh your panties off I''m not gonna complain, but I don''t think it was that funny."


    She waved a hand, gasping a bit before saying, "oh, oh, oh, love! I''ve been reading those books, the ones not quite so appropriate for the little one?"


    "There was something in one of the romance novels about a poultry thermometer? I thought I''d read something once about a turkey baster, but..."


    She shook her head, bracing one hand on my chest. "Oh, no, love. The ones by Sir Pratchett." At my nod of understanding that much, she said, "you remember that one character? The street vendor?"


    "Oh, yeah. He''s a trip."


    She nodded, then said, "well, when you said you were ready to eat, it just hit me, the thought of all this. Your completely understandable very specific appetite, your difficulty, my efforts to help you overcome it." Here she snickered again, and I realized I might not be the only one in the room with an inner twelve year old. "But no, no, no. You won''t be ready to eat until I get you..."


    She snickered, she cackled, and I sighed and said, "this is gonna be terrible. Out with it."


    "Onna steek!"


    I don''t know exactly which was worse. On the one hand, it was absolutely a special kind of hell having to sit through Advanced Mana Shaping, overwatch from the Black Dragon, reading with Maze, and playing with the kids, all while having her hum six syllable doggerel in my head all day long.


    On the other hand, her popping up in person and giggling out, "ONNA STEEK!" before disappearing in a cloud of laughter.


    I am a patient and loving wife, which may be the only reason my cackling wife remains unsmothered.

 Day Three Hundred And Eighty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    "Surprise is a condition of the mind."


    - Unknown


    Yeah. Holy shit yeah. Today. Wow. I, uh, wow. Fuck.


    The fact that I am too overwhelmed to snicker, and I have every reason to believe certain parties intend to keep me this overwhelmed for the foreseeable future.


    Okay, so yesterday evening, after spending the day alternately taunting me with saucy little six syllable songs and popping up to giggle and shout, "onna steek!" Saffron showed up on the Black Dragon shortly before sunset. "Good evening, love." She followed that with a kiss, then turned to Marie and asked, "is the new bed ready?"


    At Marie''s nod, Saffron stepped the three of us back to the Love Shack. The new bed was, in fact, in place, and it was a fuckin'' monster. Like, the bed we''d had before didn''t really have room to stand beside it, but this one straight up filled all but maybe ten feet at one end of the room. Kinda funny, I realized right then that the top of the mattress wasn''t quite where the old bed''s had been. This one was right around knee high on Marie and, I checked right then, just the right not quite waist height on Saffron. Little bit low overall, honestly, but with that kind of ergonomics I couldn''t bring myself to do anything but squee. Little padded steps ran from the bed to the floor on both sides, but the middle had what looked like drawers set into it. Handles, anyhow. The headboard had some nice fancy knobs and shit, along with shelves with metal railings along the front edges like you''d see on a ship. Right smack in the middle of it was an oval mirror that stretched about two thirds of the way across the headboard, but somehow I could see the whole room in it, even most of the side walls next to the bed. I leaned to the side to check, and I wasn''t sure, but I thought maybe the mirror had a little bit of a curve to it, like one of those security mirrors.


    The ceiling above the bed looked weird in the mirror; when I glanced at it I realized why. With the Academy''s stone walls, we didn''t really need uprights at the foot to hold things to the ceiling, so whoever had made this Glorious monstrosity had just straight up mirrored the ceiling. Not one big mirror, either, but lots of smaller ones ranging in size from the biggest central one that was maybe the size of a serving cart to what had to be thousands of little ones filling in the gaps between the big ones. All in all, when I spun around and flopped into the bed next to where I''d pushed Saffron half onto it, the ceiling made me feel like I''d fallen into a kaleidoscope, but in a good way.


    Then I pushed myself up onto my elbows and realized that the other end of the room had a single weird sofa looking thing filling it from side to side as well. I think technically it was a divan; one end had an armrest and a back, it looked like you could lie down and use the arm as a headrest. The longer I looked the more I thought it would be really nice to slouch in that corner and read, or play video games, not that there were any, or holy fucking shit it was absolutely placed for the optimum viewing angle on the rest of the god blessed room. Oddly enough, the other end sloped down to the floor, starting about halfway down. That led my eyes to the floor itself, which had been covered with some kind of padding. It looked suspiciously like a high end version of that shit you make yoga mats out of, and when I pushed with my toes, it had just that amount of give.


    Of course the mirror behind the divan was absolutely one single piece, and I lost a few moments to staring at the reflection of Saffron''s ass, then turned to look at her where she''d propped herself up on her elbows. "Wow."


    She smiled at me. "You like?"


    I nodded. "Oh, yeah."


    Marie flopped on the bed on my far side from Saffron, her knees hooked over the edge of the bed, the bed long enough for her to stretch her arms all the way above her head without bending them. "Good."


    I think I might have even blushed a little when I nodded to the ceiling. "Part of me thinks those are a little redundant, what with everybody who comes to this room being able to Co-Locate..." Both of them grinned at me. "Really? You guys tried this setup out without me?" I tried really hard not to sound petulant, and totally failed.


    Saffron looked positively offended. "Never!" Then she grinned. "We might have tested the idea of mirrors when he told us about them."


    I nodded. "Conrad did this then? Kinda figured. Honestly, I''d been a little worried that those bits and bobs might, y''know, come off at some point."


    Saffron Grinned, rolled over, and scampered to the headboard. Then she giggled and said, "only the ones that are supposed to." Then she slipped one of the rounded bits out of the headboard, revealing a twelve inch rounded rod. My face definitely heated up at that point. "Oh! One last thing!" She said as she slid it slowly back into place, then dropped it the last inch. I jumped a little at the sound, and she said, "lights, ten." The room lit up like a fucking operating room as the six lamps up near the ceiling slid open. "Lights, two." They slid back down until just before my wireframe vision kicked in. "Lights, red." The lamps twisted, and bathed the whole room in a sultry red light that put a whole different spin on her Grin.


    "Please tell me the first step of the ''fix my broken shit'' plan is to break this whole setup in?"


    Her Grin melted into a smile, and I just melted when she crawled down and around to snuggle up next to me. My whole melty existence went sublime when Marie snuggled up on the other side. "Not yet, love. Not tonight. I did need to talk to you about that, though."


    I nodded, laying my head back as Marie pulled one of the herd of pillows under it. "I like talking. Talking''s good. I can do talking."


    Saffron chuckled. "I''m well aware, Goof. But I need you to listen."


    "Can... can I get a kiss first, at least?" She nodded, smiled, and leaned in. I got one from her and one from Marie when she was done with me. I sighed, obviously not utterly content, but absolutely fine with lying between them, simmering nicely while I listened to the sound of my beloved Kitten''s voice.


    "Now, love, I need you to understand. I think I know what''s been tying you in knots, but first of all, I can''t be sure." I nodded. "I could tell you what I know, and what I suspect, but that might make it harder to help you. Even explaining the why of that might be problematic. That said, I will absolutely tell you if that''s what you want." I squeezed both of them to me and nodded again. "Okay then, final thing, what I plan will very likely confuse you, and possibly disturb you. I want you to know now that if I could see a way to help you without putting you through that, I would do so in a heartbeat." She paused, and I nodded a third time.


    After a bit I said, "I think you want something from me, but I don''t know what, and I''m liking this," I hugged them both to me, "too much to play guessing games."


    "Do you understand that while I''ve spoken with every authority I can, anyone I trust who might have knowledge about this, I am treading unknown ground?"


    My brow furrowed a little at the idea that other people might know about my... issues. "Who''d you ask?"


    "Sister Siobhan. Canta through her. Loki, Sigyn, and Conrad. I would ask ask Doctor Glass as well, but not without your permission."


    I wanted to nod, but couldn''t be arsed to move my fuckin'' head. "Oh. Yeah, Doc Z and Doc Glass are good people. Ask away, and yeah, I get that you''re making this shit up as you''re going along."


    "Thank you. If I find the opportunity I will. Now, do you want to know what I know and suspect?"


    I took a deep breath. "You really think it will make it harder for you to unfuck me?"


    She Grinned her most lopsided grin at me. "Since I became aware of this when I was literally trying to fuck you, sort of the opposite, but yes, love, I think it would indeed make it harder to do what I''m going to try."


    I shrugged. "I trust you. I trust you with everything I have, everything I am." I smiled at her. "I''m putty in your hands." I paused a moment. "You really think you can get rid of whatever that fucked up shit that''s happening with boy you gone?"


    "I hope so. With me as a man, with Sister Siobhan, with whoever else you choose to partake of."


    I laughed. "You make it sound like I''m gonna fuck the eastern seaboard." Her eyelids fluttered shut for a moment, and a tiny whine escaped her. "Holy shit, you want me to fuck everybody in the Alliance or something?"


    She smirked. "It would rather ensure their loyalty."


    I snorted. "I''ve tried me. I''m not that good."


    She laughed aloud, backed up by the Maenad at my back. "Agree to disagree."


    I still felt some kinda way, nascent guilt welling up. "Are you two really that tired of me already?"


    "NO!" Marie barked out from behind me.


    Saffron turned me to face her, one hand on each of my cheeks. "No. No, love, a thousand times no. But... if you were the only one who''d been served chili the other night, would you have wanted me to try it?"


    "Duh. Yeah."


    "If you had enough to go around, would you have shared with everyone in the room?"


    "Sure. I eat a lot, though, so..."


    She Grinned at me. "I''m well aware." She paused, deliberately wriggling and sighing. "So well aware. My point, really. Would you share Marie''s chili with everyone in the Alliance if you could?"


    "That''s sounding like a very loaded question. Also, not with Oliver. Asshole."


    Suddenly playful serious, she said, "even if with a taste, you could steal him away from Ares, bind him to you, and grind that fact in Ares'' face until you rend the Warmaker asunder in your rapacious maw?"


    I giggled. "Sounds like you''ve polished the pearl thinking about Ares'' demise, Kitten." She just Grinned. "Holy shit, I''d say ''dark much'', but I know you, and that''s a stupid fuckin'' question. Next question?"


    "What I intend may be confusing, disturbing, even painful. Please, forgive me for that."


    I shook my head. "No need, Kitten. I trust you. If this is The Way, this is The Way."


    "Do you still want to go through with this? Is this what you want?"


    I thought about that, lying there in the dark. Finally I whispered, "I don''t even know what''s wrong, really, or what you''re going to do. How do I know if anything is what I want?" Saffron went to speak, and I curled my fingers around her lips, and she fell silent, cuddling up against me. I took a deep breath. "Do you think this is what I would want if I knew? Do you think that when you''re done, I... all of us will be happier than we are now?"


    I uncurled my fingers from in front of her lips. "Yes, love. Yes, Tabitha, I do. The only tiny flaw in our happiness is this hobble that keeps you from filling yourself with joy unbound."


    I nodded, took another breath, and said, "so do it. Everything. Run me through the full course of treatment. If you need to, get her to hold me down and force me. No safe words, no escape clauses. Do it."


    Saffron winced. "How can I know then when something is too much? I want to help you, not break you."


    I smiled at her. "I trust you." Brushed my lips across hers. "Don''t break your favorite toy, Kitten. It''s the only me I''ve got."


    She leaned in, crying, and kissed me. Long, slow, gentle. I let her lead, mentally vowing to stay that way until she was done with whatever she intended to do. When she finally pulled away, I asked, "how will I know when you''re done with this whole process, by the way?"


    Mischief banished her sadness, even as her cheeks still glittered with remnants of tears. "Oh, I think you''ll know."


    I threw a hand across my forehead. "Lost in a sea of confusion already!"


    She tilted her head. "This is different from normal how?" While I laughed, the her helping the kids to bed took my hand and collapsed me back to the Shack. "As I remain persistently Mortal, I will need a full night of sleep before tomorrow. So I leave you in the ever capable claws of our wife to be," she pulled Marie over for a kiss, then lay our Maenad''s claw across my breast. "No sleep for you, my love. No relief, either, I''m afraid."


    I sat up, waved at Marie, banished Glowing Midnight, waved at her again, and looked at Saffron with my most exaggerated ''what about this though'' look. She smiled and shook her head, and I flopped back on the bed, staring at myself and my wives in the ceiling mirror. My hands might have thought about creeping southward, but Marie''s claw clamped over them and she waggled a finger in front of my face, grinning like the cat who inherited the cream factory. "No."


    "Thank you, Marie." She kissed Marie, a long lingering thing I got to watch from two different angles. Three when I tilted my head back to see the headboard. Four if I squinted and twisted my head just right to see the one on the far wall. I think I was beginning to see what the two of them saw in mirrors. Like a sexy scavenger hunt, or pornographic where''s Waldo or some shit. "Be good... no, be as bad as she''ll let you be, Kitten." She kissed me, and was gone.


    My beloved Wife to be, Concubine, lover, Maid, Master of all things associated with Wifedom, and favorite tiger-lady obeyed my Kitten in every particular. At some point long, long after I''d lost track of unimportant things like clothes, inhibitions, names, the concept of time, and even the idea of thankfulness about not being able to lose control of my bladder, Marie tilted her head, kissed me very gently on one hypersensitive cheek, and said, "time to go."


    With that she stood up, dragging me to my feet as she did. Another of her, this one in full Maid garb, arrived and scooped me into a princess carry. The two of them stepped me to the empty, silent, oddly damp bathroom and slowly, gently, and carefully scrubbed me clean, then lifted me out and dried me off. At no point did they let me have control of my own hands. Probably for the best, because I sure as shit wasn''t thinking about Saffron''s carefully laid plans at that point.


    When they had me clean, dry, and dressed up in my best, nicest, nicer than any I remembered owning Uniform, naked Marie pulled my hands behind my back and lifted me up for Maid Marie to take me into her arms, my hands carefully held in hers. Then she leaned over, kissed me on the forehead, murmured, "vlickies" and disappeared.


    Right about then I realized that the doors into the office and bedroom were open. The very empty bedroom. Before I could think too much about that, Marie headed for the office door. That reminded me immediately that a seven foot plus tiger lady could put on some serious speed without moving faster than a determined walk. Then she cleared the door into the empty living room and took off at a run. The walls blurred, and then we were airborne as she leapt right over the rail without so much as jostling me. She twisted as we fell, and slipped her arms out of the way for me to land, hands finally free, right in my chair.


    The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    The smell hit me before my eyes even focused. Savory, spicy, somehow even managing to get the tiniest tang of salt into the air. Hunger is hunger. Appetite is appetite. The first handful of spicy eggs, which had jalapeno scrapple scrambled into it, rammed into my mouth even as my other hand scrabbled for my spoon. Then an absolute avalanche of sound hit me. Dozens of voices, most of them squeaky, screaming at the top of their lungs.


    "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"


    I froze, my gaze darting around the room, taking in the ROTC crew, the kids, Grandma Aetos, Siobhan, Conrad, even Loki and Sigyn standing in the crowd, all starting to sing a gloriously off key yet joyous high volume rendition of the birthday song. Right about then I realized that despite a grin etching itself across my face, my right hand had remembered its priorities and crammed another load of nom into my mouth. I paused. my nomming for just an instant, looking around, wishing I could tell them just how much this meant to me.


    Go on, Goof. Eat up. It''s your birthday. You''re supposed to enjoy yourself!


    I swallowed, laughed out loud at the pure joy of everything in that moment, said, "thanks guys. Thank you. I mean it, I really... I can''t tell you how much... I love you guys. Thank you."


    Saffron looked at me from her place across the table and said, "I think I''ll let Marie speak for all of us with the oldest Mother''s ''I love you'' there is."


    I looked around, then directly over my head where Marie leaned over me, lowering a full platter of steaming sausages to just within reach. "Eat."


    While everybody laughed at that, and the kids snuck around to steal bits of my eggs, I went to town on eggs, on scrapple, on sausage. I noticed a small pile of presents over on the table where Saffron''s had stood, but she shook her head and said, "later, love. I know you, and you''ll open one, want to play with it, take forever to open the next one, and it will be sunset before you get through the pile. We have an itinerary today. Places to go, people to see, things to do." Some of those might even get mixed up a little.


    I nommed, alternating between scooping and savoring until fire and herbs saturated my mouth, at which point I looked around at the folks who had been chatting and noshing on hors d''oeuvres, catching their eyes, and when I had at least a little bit of everybody''s attention, I went to town just cramming every bit of everything into my mouth as fast as I could. A couple people looked a little scandalized, and I managed to get a blush out of Siobhan when I looked her right in the eye as I crammed, swallowed, and waggled my eyebrows at her. I think at some point Marie may have slipped another tray of mixed protein awesomeness in front of me, because there were definitely bacon bits in this batch. Sooner than I''d hoped, I picked up the tray and licked the bits off it. When I set it down, Marie set the greasy sausage tray atop it, then held out an extra big baguette looking loaf of black bread.


    I reached out to take it, but she gripped it with two claw tips at each end, holding it over the tray, and said, "Slice."


    I grinned, held out my fingers like fuckin'' Palpatine, and extruded dozens of hair thin parallel Mana Blades. I brought them all down at once, and the loaf floated down into the grease as wafer thin toast chips. I think I might have nipped Marie''s claw tips, but she didn''t say anything, just took hold of the tray and shook it until the chips soaked up the grease, then set it in front of me. I looked around and said, "you guys gotta try these. But I''m not, like, slowing down, so get while the getting''s good if you want to get some."


    I may have slowed down enough to let each of the kids to get a handful. Sped right the fuck back up when a certain Menace, once all her friends and siblings had a handful, returned for seconds. Before I knew it, Marie handed me the two toasted heels of the bread and nodded at the thin layer of grease on the tray. I stood, wiped it as clean as I could, shoved one in my mouth, then turned around and fed her the other one. I think she had some kind of mild objection. She was on duty, or she was supposed to feed me, or something else that didn''t fucking matter right at that moment. I stared into her slit pupiled eyes and begged, will you make me scream now?


    Patience, Vlickies.


    "I am the soul of patience." I then proceeded to follow proper cat pilling procedure by pushing that toast down her throat, then massaging the front of her throat. Proper procedure is to use your tongue to push the pill and to massage the throat, right? Never had a cat before.


    Plenty of cheering and laughing at me kissing her, surprisingly unquieted when I moved to kissing her neck, but then she scooped me up again.


    Saffron stepped over to us. "We''ll be back in the evening, everyone."


    We Co-Located, and if I''d been stunned by the sound in the dining room, the absolutely unhinged cheering when Marie dropped me to my feet left me standing there, stunned. New Amsterdam. Newark. Norfolk. Calverton, both the docks and the rear deck of the Black Dragon. The crowd in the park in front of the Academy filled the air with cheers and outright screaming approbation. Camden Yards. Oh, God, the Yards was a wall of sound from every direction. Walls of sound, of cheering, of joyous, ecstatic Worship.


    These, Daughter, are your people. Not even Mimic''s. Yours. It has not happened often, and I don''t remember a case in Europa, that an Avatar has claimed a Domain of their own. Never that I have heard of has one had Domains thrust upon them.


    I what? Domains?


    Perhaps enough for a proper Portfolio, and in truth, I could not be prouder, Daughter.


    I stood there, stunned by the unending wave of sound and worship. I think I made some kind of helpless interrogative noise in my brain.


    Some you no doubt know. One you claimed. Others... those are the ones that make me so proud I can barely speak, daughter. Bloodlust. Justified Homicide. Vengeance. Passion. Ecstasy. He paused, sounding choked up even as he forced the last word into my mind. Children.


    Children?


    Playmate. Protector. Healer. Defender. Avenger. Where you are, not only are all Children safe, even those of your direst enemy, but nothing that would do them harm will ever be.


    Be what?


    Safe.


    I stood there, the stupid grin I''d had when I realized what was on my plate reconquering my face inch by inch until it hurt. I threw my hands in the air, and nearly stumbled as the screaming cut off like I''d thrown a switch. Amplifying my voice, I screamed out the name of each City as loud as they''d screamed it at me, then, "People of the Alliance! My People! My Peeps! I..." I broke down a little bit. What a fuckin'' thing, y''know? For the leftover kid, the shit wrecker, the one whose core competency was scaring people off, no matter how much I wanted them to stay. Then... this. "I love you all!"


    Yeah, I kinda lost their silence at that point. Fuck it. Worth.


    Saffron stood on tiptoe to whisper in my ear, "I''d planned on having a bit of a lunchtime celebration, but delivery seems to be a bit difficult, even in the military camps. No one wants to leave sight of you for long enough to go get food." She pushed something into my hands. "But even seeing you eat with them symbolically might be nice."


    I looked down at what she''d shoved into my hands. A covered crock, warm in my hand and reeking of chili. A spoon. A six inch loaf of cornbread covered by a folded over piece of paper. I looked up at the crowd, who still cheered, but some of them already looked on curiously as I scanned the crowd. I knew what I wanted to do. Some cranky part of me thought it might be blasphemous or some shit, but... Fuck it. He could bill me for use of his IP if he didn''t like it.


    Murder Mittens? Stand ready at the chili cauldrons.


    Which?


    All of them.


    I stepped, split, stepped, split, stepped, split. Buoyed by a wall of sound and worship I felt like I could almost walk on, powered by a handful of me dropped to M-Space to pull Mana from Mimic directly, I danced through the crowds, tens of thousands of me hopping back and forth from M-Space to the Mortal Realm. I didn''t actually use the massive cauldrons of chili or the racks and racks of bread. Fair''s fair. Mimic got those. Stupid fatass ate the cauldrons, too, but fuck it. Every step back to the Mortal realm I handed over more chili and cornbread until all of me stood there, looking around, unable to find a single empty hand. I collapsed all of me back to the stages, handed chili and cornbread to my wives, and hollered, "let''s eat!"


    About halfway through my crock, a big old grumbly voice behind me muttered, "stealing my Domain now."


    I couldn''t let that stand, even as a mumble. I turned, handing my bowl to Marie, stepped, and leapt. I couldn''t span his waist with my legs. Hell, I wound up kinda sitting on his belly, my arms around his neck. "I think you mean our Domain." Then I kissed him. Definitely not a ''brotherly'' kiss, except maybe in the ''why won''t you take the hint, step-brother'' kind of way. I pulled away, grinning, as his lips curved into a smile.


    "So it''s to be Reveling in the streets for all?"


    "Fuck it, why not?" I slipped down just a little, and a frustratingly familiar feeling gripped my guts. "Have fun!" I stepped aside, and Marie took over for me as some of the crowd definitely took that as a sign that today was definitely a Revel day. I mean, they''d already been getting handsy as I stepped through the crowd, but that was more in a ''can I touch the Champion'' way, not a ''can I fuck the Champion'' way.


    At that point I noticed the hooded, blindfolded woman standing behind D, and with my lack of proximity to temptation, my hesitation evaporated and euphoria returned. I stepped up to her, pulled her gently down to her knees, and drew the hood of her cloak over me until she could see nothing but me when I slipped her blindfold down around her throat. She winced, and I did unto her as I''d done unto Dionysus. When I pulled back, she looked at me with utter confusion. "This is the Good Ending for you, Artemis." She froze. "This is what happens when you live up to who you should be. Love. Not fear. Adoration, not hatred. Now," I touched the blindfold. "This may stay off until your brother says the Revel is done, if you want to participate."


    She grimaced. "I... desire not the company of men."


    I rolled my eyes, kissed her again, this time gently. "Hey, you''ve got your looks back. If you can''t find enough girls who kiss girls in this crowd to forge yourself an impenetrable bastion of girl flesh too thick for even Zeus'' cock to get through it, you''re not fuckin'' tryin''. Or not tryna fuck." I paused a second, thoughtful. "Which is fine too. I''m pretty sure my boy Conrad would be totally put off by the whole thing. But you do you, boo. Or find some ladies for mutual doing. Or just get too drunk to tell and go with the flow. Just, so long as everybody''s having fun? You can keep that off. It goes back on when the Revel''s over, got it."


    "As you say it, Mistress, let it be so."


    "Good." I gave her a peck on the cheek, then threw her hood back. The crowd erupted into more cheers, and I returned to my wives, who''d finished eating. Saffron gave me the universal spouse-speak, ''time to go'' nod, and I jumped to face the crowd, arms up. They quieted, and I called out, "I think my wife is gonna go scold me about how much this Revel is gonna wind up costing." I waited half a breath, and just as confused maybe fake grumpy mutters started to happen, continued. "I love me the way she scolds, so I''d love to stay with you all, but, y''know, sorry, I''m not missing the tiniest slice of this," I lifted Saffron up with one arm under her ass. "Or this," I did the same to Marie, who clung to me, her ankles locking behind Saffron. "prime quality cheesecake for all the fuckin'' fuckin'' in the world."


    We stepped back to the Love Shack to another wave of cheering, laughter, and Worship.


    "Fucking finally." I pushed Marie against the wall and kissed her. "And finally, fucking." I turned to Saffron, only for her to grab my head with both hands. "Please?" I whined. The room tilted as hormones and horniness and power and lust and euphoria rolled me around like bourbon in a snifter.


    "Obey," she whispered gently. "Set us down." I gently set first Marie, then Saffron, on the bed. "Close your eyes." They slid shut, obedient to the will of my tiny beloved dictator. "Take my hand." I reached out, and her hand slid into mine.


    She stepped us somewhere shaded. Her hand felt huge in mine. Not huge, just... the same size as mine. A cool breeze pebbled my naked skin. In the far distance, I heard the crowd noise of a Revel in progress. "Do nothing until I say otherwise." I nodded, the world still rolling around me as Worship kept flowing into me despite distance, despite time, despite sanity or lack thereof. She led me by the hand into a darker, cooler room. With my eyes closed, I couldn''t tell if it was dark or not. She led me further, to kneel on a bed, to crawl across it, to straddle something warm. Someone. Someone very definitely a guy. A guy she carefully positioned. I whimpered just a little. Something rustled in front of me, skin on fabric, skin on skin.


    You want it so much, don''t you? I whimpered. You can say it.


    I do. I do, but I... I shouldn''t... that feeling tickled, tried to surface, tried to push away the layers on layers of euphoria and lust buoying me.


    See with my eyes. Hear with my ears. Taste with my tongue, feel with my flesh.


    I did, and saw Saffron Rae, her eyes closed, her hands loose at her sides. I reached out, doing not thinking, my hands against her cheeks rough where she pulled me to her. Her eyes slid open, and I saw Saffron Rae kissing me, me kissing Saffron Rae who for the barest of moments, had Saffron''s eyes. For a moment, over her shoulder, I saw Saffron Rae lying on her side across the bed, head propped on one hand, her other hand reaching out, fingers reaching up to slid teasingly across the curve of my ass. Her ass. Saffron''s ass?


    Fuck... I want... the world spun twice over, and I could barely keep myself upright, above the cock pressed against me. Lined up by my wife. Arranged, like all of this, for the delight and anticipation that flowed through us from her.


    Then take. It would be so, so easy. Just relax.


    I shouldn''t... tendrils of guilt, of shame, of fear reached for me.


    My wife''s voice echoed through our skull. I see no Tabitha here. Only Saffron Rae, about to enjoy an evening with her husband.


    That made so much more sense. I relaxed.


    We sat in the breakfast nook in the kitchen of Saffron Rae and Raymond''s kitchen sipping tea. "Your Raymond has both impressive Endurance and Skills. You''re a lucky woman, Saffron Rae."


    Saffron Rae smiled demurely. "I prefer to think I have chosen wisely."


    I laughed at that. "Damn Skippy. That man''s got him some moves."


    Flickers of guilt smoked. Later, love. Later for that. For now, afterglow. Focus on that pleasant ache we share.


    She had that right. Thighs. Between them. Breasts. Abs. Oh, yeah, holding some of those positions made the abs ache, but so fuckin'' worth it. For some odd reason my ankles ached. For an entirely un-odd reason, my hair ached. Not quite my thing normally to have somebody grab up the entire thick braid I didn''t have and use it to guide my face, but I''m sure Marie had done it at some point too. Never in quite that position, but still, familiar and oh, so pleasant ache.


    "Thank you. Happy Birthday, Champion."


    Wait, was this my birthday present? I mean, a birthday present?


    We did just use her husband for hours until he collapsed, love.


    I''m sure I saw her... wait... was that... was that you, or me, or...


    Later.


    I let go, let my tiny terrible delightful dictator tell me what was worth fussing over and what wasn''t. My euphoria hadn''t really faded. Shit, Worship still poured in. Fuck, it had been pouring in the entire time, some of it from very close proximity. I think there might have been sudden sharp spikes of slutty Sapphic Worship at times, even.


    "I really should be thanking you two, you realize?"


    I shot her a quizzical look. "Whut? You don''t like riding him hard and putting him away sweat soaked?"


    She laughed, "oh, that can be fun, although I could take it or leave it. No, I meant that the limits of your Boon, the ones you told me of, mean that I suspect he always knows which of me I''m... focused on at any given time."


    Saffron took a sip of tea and quietly said, "I find Skills can overcome most of that problem."


    Saffron Rae made a moue of distaste. "I suppose, but... I''m not a courtesan. What would people think if I went to them to learn such things?"


    I laughed out loud. "Or you could just ask somebody else who has them."


    "A Maenad, perhaps?"


    I nodded. "Oh, shit, sure, I''m sure any of them could and would. Hell, invite one over, I''m sure you can find one who will step you through everything with simple instructions. Or... y''know... Just ask the Imperator."


    She blinked, and Saffron nodded and said, "of course. We need to be going, but simply send word when you''ve time to study up on the requisite Skills."


    We stood in the Love Shack, again fully dressed. Marie sat on the divan, doing some knitting. Maze''s onesie pajamas were almost done. I kissed Saffron, savoring the lingering tastes of her and not her on her lips before I said, "y''know she might want some advice on shit like, I dunno, blow jobs."


    "I''m aware."


    I stopped, looked down. "How the... who..." She looked down my front, running her fingers up my thigh. "We did that once! Once!"


    "I have become very proficient at gaining Skills."


    I giggled, laughed, then sighed. "So. Am I cured yet?"


    She sighed and hugged me. "I doubt it." Suddenly he stood there, pulled me down for a kiss. Neurons, both good and bad, activated.


    I pulled away. "Shit."


    "Was it as bad?"


    I opened my mouth, then stopped. "Maybe not? I don''t know? Wait... shit, are you doing some kind of exposure therapy to me?"


    She sighed. "I''d hoped you wouldn''t realize yet." She looked me in the eye. "Could you fuck Raymond again, the way we just did?" I stood there, mouth open. "With my permission and Saffron Rae''s of course?" I shook my head, more out of confusion than anything. "As Saffron Rae?"


    Before I could think the words, "I might not need to do that oh shit did it work a little?"


    Saffron smiled up at me. "It looks like it might have, love."


    "So where do we go from here?"


    "From here, I inch you forward, bit by bit, feeding you your every wicked fantasy, one at a time, with every bit of encouragement and support Marie and I can muster, until..."


    I swooned a little, saying, "until?"


    She pushed me back onto the bed, straddled my legs, buried her hands in my hair, looked so deep into my eyes I could see her fuckin'' Soul, then washed over me so I saw my own eyes echoed in hers and vice versa, felt how the girth of my waist where her knees bracketed it made her ache to be done with clothes and words and everything but skin and wet and fur and flesh and passion and pain and pleasure and she pulled back just far enough and growled, "until I bury myself to the hilt in you while you scream my name hard enough to shake the pillars of heaven, scatter the clouds, send ripples through the seas, and shatter earth itself."


    "I... did you come just saying that?"


    Without letting go of me, she giggled, Grinned, and said, "no you."


    I glanced at Marie, then back to Saffron. "Sex now?"


    She smiled. "Tonight, once the children are all to bed, we''ll come back here for a private celebratory Revel of our own. With or without more... therapy. Entirely up to you. But yes, oh, yes, my love, we will, on this, the day we celebrate the day you were born."


    I realized something just then. "Did you pick this day at random then?"


    "No, love. On the world of your birth it is, indeed, August first. Your birthday."


    "Did I tell you that?" I thought about it. "I did, didn''t I?" She nodded. "You remembered."


    "I did." I melted, and she had Marie carry me down to the dining room.


    We had chicken and waffles for dinner. I got way more than last time, at least in part because people started throwing whole chicken tendies for me to catch and nom.


    I got a cake! I got a cake of my very own! Plus like, all the bits of the big one for everybody that the kids didn''t steal!


    Cheesecake, of course. Saffron and Marie collaborated to steal the recipe. Don''t know if it''s quite old world cheesecake. Don''t care. My cheesecake makes best cheesecake. Fuck your cheesecake.


    No, really. Mine really like it.

 Day Three Hundred And Ninety

    Dear Diary,


    "Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated."


    - Confucius


    I dunno, man. I''ve said it before, I''m a simple woman. I like life simple. Food? Eat. Kid? Play. Wife? Fuck. If that were my life twenty four seven, three sixty five, for the rest of my life, I''m pretty sure I''d be fine with it. Okay, no, now that I think about it, I''d probably get bored. It might take a really fuckin'' long time, especially with the sheer variety available within those simple directives. I mean, shit, Marie''s cooking is both awesome and ever evolving. One of my wives has thousands of years of fucking experience, and the other is a shapeshifter, as am I, and all three of us are capable of being in more than one place at a time. As for the kids, not only do we have six of the little buggers now, but we''ve got three functional uteri, that whole ''shapeshifting'' thing means we don''t need anybody else to bake up more any time we feel the urge. I have strong suspicions we will more than double that number before we''re done, which is just wacky to me, coming from a world where people got side eye from having four kids, and wound up the butt of jokes if they had more than that.


    Here and now I don''t know quite how to feel about that. Like, back in Eastside, nobody needed a million kids. Hell, nobody needed kids, really, and if somebody had kids so they wouldn''t die alone, given that there are so many kids out there in foster care and shit that would love somebody to love them just for, y''know, existing, I gotta throw some shade their direction. Eh, I dunno if my reasons are any better. I mean, I wanna have kids because I love doing the ''taking care of kids'' stuff, and we''ve already adopted five, and I don''t think we''re gonna stop adopting and shit, but I wanna see a fuzzy face with my here and now nose and eyes and shit, or see an itty bitty Saffron scale me, or better yet a me scale Saffron. Something like that. Just... y''know, I wanna make kids with them. Don''t fuckin'' judge me, at least I want to have kids because I like having them, not to use them as little playthings and shit.


    Fuck, do any of us really do anything for any other reason than ''the fucked up programming I was born with told me to''? I dunno. But I figure ''this will make people happy'' and ''this will make sure everybody has enough to eat and a roof and clothes and shit'' are better than ''for the greater Glory of my big cock''. Fuckin'' Zeus, man. Hell, at least Zeus, from all that I''ve heard, actually has a schlong that would impress an elephant, unlike his fuckin'' son Ares, who is practically the definition of ''overcompensating toxic rage''.


    But yeah, life gets complicated sometimes. Last night after the post-dinner birthday cheesecake, I got to open presents. Before any of the other presents, I gave Conrad a big old hug for his, telling him how perfect it was, without saying anything about exactly what it was. The ROTC crowd rolled with that. Sigyn and Loki looked maybe a little disturbed, but chose not to comment. Then I got to tear into the packages and bags. Despite what Saffron said, I did not wind up playing with the first gift for hours. Not with any of them, really. That has nothing to do with the fact that none of them were actually, y''know, toys. Not even like fidget toys.


    Most of the gifts were really practical shit. Socks. I got socks. I got cute black ankle socks that matched nothing I owned, but were adorable, and I thanked Carruthers with a maybe a little bit overzealous kiss, but nobody did anything but laugh and clap and maybe congratulate the poor dumb bastard on his gift giving skills. I also got a rock. Okay, technically a ''hearthstone'' cut from the foundations of Lancaster House itself, which I totally get is multiple kinds of huge deal, but... I still got a fuckin'' rock from the richest guy in my friend group. Bonnie got me a bolt of silk fabric, like a big one. When I gave her the same fairly chaste hug I gave Larry for the rock, she whispered, "I didn''t know your sizes, but she does," with a nod toward Marie.


    Angel got me a chunky ring. Not gold or silver; brass I think, maybe bronze. Saffron told me later it''s supposed to be a signet. That tracks, although the symbol''s pretty simple. Just three jagged lines across a blank background. Looks pretty cool, and when I kinda gave her a questioning look. she reached out and touched the scars on my right hand, then half whispered, "something we have in common."


    I pulled her in for a hug, and whispered, "you sure we''re good? Don''t need to take a few swings at me?"


    She laughed and held me at arms length after. "Nah. We''re good. How many people actually have scars from this." When I tilted my head she said, "you gotta live to get scars."


    Most of the other stuff was like that. Little knickknacks that were either practical or personal, sometimes both. Lots of little craft stuff from the kids. Even a couple shiny rocks, which I loved. I mean, yeah, silk clothes, awesome, hearthstone from the foundations, cool, but for a kid, a shiny rock is like, ultimate treasure, and they gave them to me. That shit''s going somewhere special in the new house, but for now it''s going in one of the shelves in the New Bed, because I''ve got no place else to put it.


    The only other one that stood out was Raven''s. She''d done another painting. This one of me. I felt some kinda way that where Saffron''s pic had obvious imagery hinting at me, Marie, and even Mimic, this one was just me. Not even me in The Dress and her boots, but me in a ragged uniform, crossbow bolts sticking out of my legs, one glowing blue one dangling from my arm. I had Slayer in one hand, his blade not intact by any means, but still a single length of steel rather than a nub. Behind me the Dragon''s head filled the painting, gore leaking out between two teeth that had cracked apart like it had tried to bite through something harder than its teeth. Along with looking like I''d had the shit kicked out of me, I looked... I dunno. Tired? Satisfied? Maybe a little bit smug, if I looked at it right? I guess the kind of look I''d expect to have if I''d just cleaned up the house, because I sure as shit didn''t look the same kind of ''tired and satisfied'' I''d looked earlier in Saffron Rae''s breakfast nook.


    Everybody else thought it looked amazing. Something about ''capturing my essence''. I gotta say, it looked like here and now me, like almost photo quality, but better, like some kind of movie promo poster. When I gave Raven a hug that felt a little obligatory for both of us, since she''d held out a hand to shake, and I was cool with that, but everybody else in the room looked some kinda way about it, she whispered, "when is your Maenad''s birthday?"


    Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.


    "I''ll find out." I whispered back. Then we pulled away and did the handshake we''d been planning on.


    After presents, after everybody went home, after we had the kids in bed, I got the final present of the day, the after-birthday celebratory cheesecake. Before I got that, though, Marie handed me one final box to tear open. When I did, the top layer was a nice pair of black gym shorts. The basketball player kind that hangs down to near the knees, all loose and floppy and light and airy. No elastic, I''m guessing because rubber isn''t really a thing here and now, not that I''ve seen, but the waistband had a drawstring sewn in, and it''s not like I don''t have hips. Right below that was a basketball jersey. At that point I wasn''t quite sure how to respond, but I thought it was kinda cool to have a white jersey with my name on the back and ''Alliance'' on the front. It took me about three seconds to puzzle out why they''d decided on eighty-one as the number.


    There was more in the box, but Saffron said, "close your eyes." Ever the obedient wife, I did as she said, and listened to rustling and giggling, trying to ignore how much of the giggling came from Marie of all people. Then Marie picked me up and set me on the divan, leaning me back against the wall. A few moments later, Saffron said, "open your eyes, love."


    They stood there, Marie giggling, Saffron maybe blushing, in cheerleader uniforms that matched mine. Then they launched into a little cheer routine. Their innate athleticism helped. The six by ten space they had to work in did not. Neither did the apparent lack of any kind of coherent choreography. It was awful and adorable. They sucked so bad, I smiled and laughed until they finished, at which point they got way less cheerleader and way more stripper, and sucked me into the night''s activities with wild abandon. They also sucked then, but I have zero complaints about that.


    The most notable thing about the evening, other than how the bed and mirrors were absolutely Conrad at his ''engineering meets artwork'' best, was that not a single stitch of clothing came off. Loose and flowing for the win.


    I felt a little bad for Saffron getting short sleep the next day, so for the day''s exercise I set her up on one end of the Practice Yard with instructions to not stop cheering, then made a pair of hoops out of the shittiest of the practice swords, mineral bonded them at about ten feet up opposite walls, and wound up stealing a basketball from Eastside when I couldn''t figure out how to make one. All I can say about playing basketball with a seven foot six millennia old incarnation of murderfuck? Don''t. That shit was embarrassing. Getting pwned by a hot chick in a cheerleader uniform might have made it worse, I''m not sure.


    Eventually some of the other Cadets in the Yard joined in; I taught them what I remembered of the rules, although ''fouls'' were pretty much limited to ''travelling'' and, well, that''s about it, since nobody wanted to admit to somebody bumping into them being a problem, and ''goaltending'' was a rule, but I couldn''t remember what it was about. So, y''know, ''you can''t carry the ball'', ''throw it through the hoop for two points'', and, uh, oh yeah, ''other team gets the ball after one team scores''. Yeah, the game got a little rough. Marie stepped to the side to cheerlead, although she got called in to ref shortly thereafter. When we had ten Cadets playing, I stepped aside and played coach, hollering advice. Oh, and trainer, when some idiot inevitably tried to burrow to the Library with his face.


    All good clean fun though. Or good sweaty fun in the case of Saffron, who to her credit just asked for water a little more often than normal. Sadly, though her shirt went sheer when I dumped a bucket over her head, she''d worn the sports bra I''d summoned up for her. I mean, totally made sense and all, but I kinda wanted to watch them bounce in the sunlight and shit. Operating room light just isn''t the same. Not that I didn''t try that when the Cadets broke for lunch, but still.


    Maze and I finished up Hat Full of Sky and moved on to Wintersmith. Makes me wonder if the afterlives of the world of Eastside and this one are, like, connected, and if I could find him and bribe him to write some more just for her. Or, shit, for everybody here. I''m pretty sure I could conquer an orangutan sanctuary or something. Hell, shapeshift him into an orangutan and let him just vibe with bananas and books for all eternity. Hell, I just love listening to her read, the wonder in her voice as she discovers new words, new people, new stories, new worlds.


    Calverton was really fuckin'' quiet. We''d hit another of those areas where most of the Undead had fucked off and left the City empty. Around noon I hopped over to talk with Olga and Swanson about it. "I''m a little worried the Killers are gonna wind up getting antsy with no action."


    They looked at each other, then broke down laughing. When I just stared, waiting for them to explain, they laughed harder until Olga leaned in and whispered, "I don''t think there''s a single fighter in the Army who didn''t get their fill of ''action'' yesterday after lunch."


    Yeah, yeah, yeah, laugh it up. I touched off an Alliance wide Revel at my birthday party and not only didn''t participate, I forgot I did it. Still, morale''s good, so that''s a win, right?


    Back at Lancaster House, I snagged David during Hide and Seek and boosted him atop one of the armoires. "The height doesn''t scare you, does it?" He shook his head, so I let him scoot back until I couldn''t see him. What with Maze being one of the taller kids, I figured if I couldn''t, nobody else would. I hid under the bed. Apparently for the first time, David wound up winning. He''s just a little too big to fit into the really good little spots, and too short to get to the high spots, but the boost let him to get to a spot nobody''d looked before.


    Menace bitched at me about ''cheating''. At that point I gave the group of them Saffron''s whole lecture to me about Rules and Cheating. Which left me being Biggest Sister and Arbiter to the least organized rules discussion in the history of rules discussions. Much to Menace''s dismay, she was outvoted unanimously regarding hiders working together during ''Hide and Seek''. As Liam put it, "there''s no way any single one of us can keep up with you, Isnomi. We''ve got to work together to even have a chance."


    She didn''t throw a tantrum or anything, but holy shit did she just exude ''I''m gonna cut a bitch'' energy as she stalked across the circle of kids to stand in front of him. Credit to him, Lancaster genes in full effect, he didn''t back away, although he did stand up. Not that it mattered to little miss ''I size how I want, fuck you very much''. Glaring at him the whole time she walked up, she looked him right in the eye, poked him in the chest with one finger, and with the smuggest grin I''d ever seen on anybody that age, said, "I''mma member that, Liam." Then she turned to everybody else and said, "Otay! Game on!" Then she covered her eyes and started counting. I had to stay there and listen to her count to one hundred. Or, since none of the kids actually knew how to count that high yet, ''ten tens''. Because I was, thanks to the new rules, unanimously elected to be the referee.


    Stupid fuckin'' rules.

 Day Three Hundred And Ninety-One

    Dear Diary,


    "Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can''t help them, at least don''t hurt them."


    - Dalai Lama


    This one has me all kinds of conflicted, although with the Maximum Awesome of the past few days, I can''t do anything but laugh, really. On the one hand I totally agree. Not just that, but I''ve heard of this dude, like some kind of Tibetan Mr. Rogers or something. Don''t get me wrong, to me that puts him right up on the highest plane of Moral Authority. Like, the ''synchronize your Moral Compass with these Standards'' kind of shit. So I''m feeling kinda warm and fuzzy that another dude like that is basically telling me that my goal state is Good. I gotta put that ''goal state'' shit in there, because even with the past couple days of presents and food and sexy therapy, I''m still quite aware that within the past month I''ve not only beaten someone into the ground by shoving my fingers into her lack of a nose, I''ve also literally beaten myself to death. Good causes, wouldn''t take it back, but complete fail on the ''at least don''t hurt them''.


    On the other hand, holy shit, is this dude spouting stuff this simple and getting worldwide acclaim for it and shit? Like, I''m the goofiest dumbass that ever failed to fart, with a Moral Compass that points to ''sexy times'' when I give it a good whack and I''m lucky, and I managed to come up with that. Okay, maybe it took me a few days. Weeks. Months. Okay, look, it''s a work in progress, but I still got there, and nobody considers me some kind of global or even regional...


    Oh. Shit. Yeah. Forget I said anything. Just me talkin'' out my ass again. Everybody''s used to that by now, right? I sure as fuck am.


    So yesterday after a day of reading with Maze, overwatch with Marie, basketball with cheerleader Saffron, and refereeing the little kid games I''d previously been part of, I gradually collapsed down to just the me in Lancaster House. First I brought Marie back to the Academy where she''d just put somebody in the newly created penalty box for punching another player in the face. Then Maze and I put her book away, I picked up her and Saffron, one in each arm, and collapsed us back to Lancaster House, then I pulled the trio of us in the Practice Yard back to Lancaster House as well.


    Dinner was roast pork, way more heavily seasoned than I''d had before in the here and now, and definitely done in some kind of crock or Dutch oven, because instead of having the texture of soft leather, the fattier portions just melted in my mouth, and the meatier ones had a lovely mouth feel. Not unlike my wives, really. I need to stop doing that. Not because she''s not going to be, but because if I keep doing it, I''m gonna forget she''s not, and I have plans. Schemes. Strategies and tactics and a whole campaign to move her inexorably from her current status of wifiest wife ever to not be wifed into more pregnant than possible and incapable of self locomotion.


    At bedtime, Marie delivered another surprise present, and this one wasn''t for me! When Maze brought up the rear of the bedtime procession, Marie pulled out her newly finished hooded midnight colored onesie, complete with pony tail on the butt and horse ears sticking off the hood. She hemmed and hawed about putting it on, until Marie held it out for her to step into. She slipped her arms into the sleeves, pulled the hood up, and Marie gently buttoned the buttons all the way up to the top one, which was still a comfy distance away from her neck. The thing looked a little baggy on her, but I figured that would be a good thing if she wanted to wear it when she was, like, fifteen and holy shit I would have to beat the fuckin'' guys off with a stick if she shot up to my height even. I mean, that pretty much goes for any fifteen year old squeezing themselves into a onesie sized for a maybe twelve year old, but still, she kept joking about me being the papa, and that meant it was my job to do that stick beating. I mean, of the unwanted ones, or the ones who measured too high on the creep scale and shit. She''s my responsibility to defend, not my property or any shit like that. Just like my little hellspawn Menace, if she wants to go raise hell, my only input is gonna be advisories about lifting with her knees and that kinda crap.


    I''m gonna wind up with six of them. Six. I''m gonna need more hands.


    Don''t @ me about ''oh, daughters of the Imperator and Champion''. You know as well as I do that shit is like catnip for just the wrong kind of entitled asshole.


    When Marie finished fastening the buttons, Maze spun in place looking at herself, then pranced over to me and took my hand. Then she looked back and forth between her onesie and the tub, obviously stuck on the horns of a dilemma. I''d always wanted a dilemma head for the wall, and soon we''d have a place to put it, so I squatted down next to her and murmured, "can''t decide, huh?" She shook her head. "Well, three pieces of advice. First, I know she knows you like it, but it would be good to thank her and tell her so. Second, you could always ask her if it''s tub safe. Third, if it''s not, we can go in the tub any night you want, but this is the only night she''ll give you that onesie for the very first time. Okay?"


    She nodded, thoughtful, then let go of my hand and walked solemnly back to Marie. "Thank you."


    Marie squatted down and pulled her into a hug. "Welcome."


    When the embrace ended, Maze tugged on the fabric and asked, "is this safe," she nodded to the tub, "in the water?"


    This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.


    Marie smiled and nodded, and I called out, "even really hot water?" Marie just gave me a look, and I held up my hands, laughing. "Okay, okay, just asking. You''ve never been in a Maze hot tub before, I don''t think."


    She just smiled, shrugged, and said, "Hands."


    "Huh. I guess you would have at that. So, Maze, you wanna give Marie and your sibs good night kisses while I get the fire started?" She nodded, hopped up to kiss Marie''s cheek, then scampered off into the other room. I turned to load up the wood, but before I got more than half done, Marie swept in behind me, spinning me around, pinning me to her, and pulling me up into an embrace. "Vlickies."


    Then she kissed me, long and slow. Vlickies, I would have you as mother to my children.


    Holy shit, Murder Mittens! Did you just ask me to marry you? She pulled back, smiling shyly as she nodded. "Yes!"


    She looked down my front, frowning. "Ring."


    "You want an engagement ring to put on me?" She nodded, that shy smile returning. "To mark my acceptance of your proposal?" Her smile curved a little more, and she nodded again. I threw my legs around behind her thighs, clamping myself to her. "To bind me and mark me as yours?" No more smiles, no more nods, just that Glorious tongue invading my utterly unneeded breathing apparatus.


    A tiny hand smacked my thigh. "Silly. Didn''t even start the fire."


    I absolutely had negative desire to evict Marie''s tongue from my bronchial passages, so I reached down somewhere deep inside for something I knew must be there. When I found it, I pushed Mana at the Hearth, and fires bloomed under each kettle.


    A while later, that tiny hand poked at me again. "They''re boiling." By that point Marie''s tongue had retreated, and I''d staged a counter invasion and was carefully doing a fang by fang inspection, testing cleanliness and sharpness. I pulled back, the taste of the sea filling my entire throat and nasal cavity. Then I got an idea. "Hey, Maze, can you be scalded by water?"


    "No. The kettles can hurt though."


    I gave Marie one final kiss on the nose, then hopped down and scooped Maze up. I stepped into the bath tub, then lay my ass down, cradling Maze against me. "Could you please, love?"


    She nodded, lifted a kettle in each hand, and dumped them over the two of us. Maze giggled and shoved her face under the deluge, splattering boiling water all over me. I closed my eyes as it seared away the constant aching pain. I couldn''t really describe how it felt except that it hurt, but a good kind of hurt, the kind you knew would go away with rest and time, rather than the kind that just lurked there, aching endlessly, like my scars.


    When she''d poured all the kettles in, Marie settled by the side of the tub, kneeling to reach in with both hands to run her fingers through our hair. If she winced a little when her claws dipped into the steaming water, she didn''t hesitate in the slightest to keep doing it. After a while, when I lay there near sleep, feeling the rise and fall of Maze''s chest in my arms, something flickered in the room, Marie''s Maid uniform fluttering as she moved.


    Good night, wife to be.


    Goddess? Boon?


    I smiled, slow and languorous. Anything I have, anything I am, is yours, my love.


    Then she slipped in beside us, snuggling around us until with the warmth of the water I couldn''t tell where one of us ended and the other began. My eyes fluttering open just enough to take in her horrifying beauty, I leaned in as she kissed me, then drifted off to sleep.


    A finger booped my nose. Now she''s got both of you doing it!


    Marie and I slipped up out of the water, Maze becoming visible as her sleepy head cleared the water, her hoodie dripping as water rolled out of it. "You really ought to try this. Feels so fuckin'' good on my scars. Makes sore muscles go all loosey goosey and just ooh."


    Saffron looked a little pouty. "I don''t want to interfere with your special thing."


    I thought you were all about interfering with my special thing. "Maze? What do you think? Would you want mama Saffron in the tub too?" She just smiled up at us, like she''d been afraid to ask before I offered. "See?"


    "But then who will..." Saffron petered off, then shook her head. "I really can''t believe I didn''t think of that." Then she sighed. "Well, at least if I need to adjust the plans for the bath in the new house so it accommodates twelve to fourteen at a time, I know that now, before we begin construction."


    I blinked a little at the idea of some kind of massive public bath thing like I''d seen in Anime, then shot her, like, an image of what I''d seen, where they got clean in shower things before getting in the soaking tub. Then my brain caught up to what she''d said about construction. "Hey, when does that start, anyhow?"


    She smiled down at us. "When you''re done breakfast."


    I don''t think I''ve ever rushed through a meal to get to work when, like, I didn''t have to be at work at a particular time before.


    Like okay, I love perching atop Black Dragon''s mast, leaning against Marie, reminiscing fondly about what bits of her steel no longer qualify as ''Extra Virgin''. Reading with Maze is a special treat that I might actually feel some kinda way if one of the others tried to horn in on, although... Kitten?


    Yes, love?


    If for whatever reason I can''t read with Maze, can you make sure you or Marie fill in for me?


    Be at peace, my love.


    Thanks.


    At any rate, even playing with the kids, before I got voted into the boring referee position, was cool and all, but I''d never ended a meal prematurely for any of those things.


    I mean, shit, I think I must have granted ''no gag reflex'' to Saffron as a Boon or some shit, because I shoveled four whole Waffles loaded with syrup, whipped cream, and butter into her in like five minutes, tops. I practically used the spoon as a rammer at one point while everybody laughed at our slapstick routine.


    When, minutes later, we stood in our little valley, this time accompanied by Marie, she took a deep breath and, smiling, said, "love, I say this from a place not only of love, but of deep and abiding lust, but unless you''re prepared to take me right on the table, please don''t do that again."


    "Right. Note to self. Do that in private as often as possible." She giggled, slapped at me playfully, then froze when I caught her wrist.


    Yeah, we started a little bit late.


    A very little bit.


    I rushed that, too.

 Day Three Hundred And Ninety-Two

    Dear Diary,


    "The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned."


    - Maya Angelou


    Fuck, that hits hard. And I know something about shit hitting hard, in case somebody hasn''t been paying attention. I hadn''t really thought about why the idea of literally building a house with Saffron and Marie got me so worked up. Just that I was willing to rush both not just food, but feeding Saffron breakfast, and not just sex, but the first time the three of us got busy on our new land, just to start making that house happen.


    It''s not really building a house, is it? I mean, yeah, we''re building a house, but we''re building what''s gonna be our home. It''s not a cottage by the sea, but then, when I think of that cottage, I don''t think about a horde of screaming kids running around. Just me and Saffron. Oh, shit, I don''t even think about Marie there, although I don''t think about her not there, if you see the difference? I definitely think of the kids as not there. Like, maybe as adults visiting or something. Maybe that''s why I don''t think of Marie there, because I don''t see Marie ''retiring'', as such. Does that mean I think of me retiring? Maybe just Saffron, eventually, when she''s ready to hand off the Imperator job to somebody else, and I''ll be all ''going to work'' and ''honey, I''m home'', and shit, I dunno, neither of us is really domestic, maybe just creating food from scratch when we''re hungry.


    But what we''re doing now has been marked as ''home'' somewhere deep inside, in a way that our Academy and Lancaster House suites aren''t. I mean, they''re great. I love them. But this will be someplace where we can just, I dunno, dig in and say, "ours, everybody else can fuck off and go home now," before we shut the lights out and fall asleep in a pile of warm fuzzy.


    So yeah, spent all day yesterday doing what I think of as ''foundation work''. I mean, some of it was literally digging holes for Saffron to put foundations in. Weirdest fucking thing I learned yesterday is that in the here and now, ''concrete'' isn''t really a thing. I asked Saffron, and she gave me one of those, ''concrete, what''s that'' looks. Turns out they use cement in mortar, but like, ''making artificial rocks'' isn''t a thing. Even bricks are, like, something she''s heard about but she wasn''t sure if she remembered seeing them anywhere. Kinda figure that''s why at the end of the day none of the holes were, y''know, filled in, because I think she wanted to go do some research on that.


    When we got home, I definitely wanted a bath. Of course, as we herded the kids to dinner, I noticed exactly how sopping Saffron was, and spirited copies of us off to the remodeled Love Shack. She looked up at me and groused, "we''re going to get the sheets all dirty and sweaty."


    "Kinda the point," I growled back, enjoying how that made her giggle into my mouth when I kissed her. Never really understood people into covering themselves in, like, massage oil before getting it on, but if they were trying to simulate sweat drenched, I think I get it now. Sloppy, sweaty, silly fun. When we lay there after, before we collapsed back to ourselves, I looked around the room and said, "Y''know, I kinda wish we could take this setup with us."


    "It''s not exactly portable, love."


    I shook my head. "Nah, I don''t mean like on the road, although having a mobile home for the fam might be... why are you laughing?"


    "Captains quarters?"


    "Okay, yeah, I guess that''s at least as big as our Academy digs, but I never really thought of Black Dragon as an RV."


    "RV?"


    "Recreational Vehicle."


    Her Grin really should have made Zeus shit himself in terror right then and there, whether he knew about it or not. "Oh, I can think of plenty entertaining things to do with Black Dragon."


    I laughed. "Down girl! Down!"


    "Okay."


    "I didn''t mean..." Too late, slippery sweaty skin makes for rapid short range transit, and right about then I lost the capacity for speech. My chick bad. She got Skills and shit.


    Dinner wound up being chicken and waffles. When I kinda looked a question at Bonnie, she shrugged and said, "I don''t think any sane person with taste buds would turn down more Lancaster House waffles, and the chicken makes them a little more dinnery. It''s also cheap."


    Larry winced a little at that. "You know we don''t really need to economize, Bon Bon." Hearing Larry use his pet name for her so openly made me smile, even as it surprised me a little.


    She just bopped him on the nose with a tendie, then fed it to him while saying, "we''re rebuilding quite a bit of Lancaster House lands, and I''d like it if someone," at that point she ran a hand across her belly, glancing down as she did before looking back at Larry. "Had very clear objective evidence that your changes have been for the best in every way, including the Lancaster coffers."


    He shrugged, and those of us from Camden, Yards or otherwise, all shared a bit of a longsuffering look. Larry might have turned over a new leaf, with his head on more or less straight and not buried in his own asshole far enough to see his duodenum, but he was still a rich kid. Then again, I don''t think any of us in the room really hated that about him. I mean, seriously, if I could wave a wand and make sure nobody in the world ever had to worry about whether they could get food for dinner, or would have a safe place to sleep, or any of the other million fucking ducks that nibbled poor people to death on the regular, I would wave that shit.


    That''s pretty much why I made Saffron Emperor. Empress. Imperator. Shit, now that I thought about it like that, she should probably be ''Imperatrix'', which would just objectively be more panty soaking, but what''s done is done. I guess having a woman as Imperator of the first decent sized political polity in Atlantis or Europa, and giving her a title that some dick haver wouldn''t get his boy panties into a bunch about might wind up being better in the long, long run.


    I''m still calling her that in the Love Shack until she tells me to stop.


    Spent the night in the tub with Maze and Marie.


    Storm overnight, and Mimic danced with the lightning. Her Kraken, some of them at least, seem to be at least vaguely aware that shit stings, but Her Dark Fatassness is like a kid licking a nine volt battery. I think she tried to deep throat the stanky tentacle for some fuckin'' reason. Weird as fuck. But then, dreams. Weird as fuck is pretty much normal for dreams.


    Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.


    In the morning when we finished up with baths and everything, I sent Maze ahead with Saffron and held Marie back for a second. Before I could say anything, she pulled me up and did a thorough inspection of my upper alimentary tract with her tongue. Never thought I''d be the sort to find an SCP hot, but here we are. Her fur was still squishy even after an hour or so out of the tub, but I really found it cute how she wasn''t cranky about it like I''d seen her get in the past. "Hey, Murder Mittens, whose onesie are you working on next?"


    "Alex."


    "Have you come up with how you''re gonna decorate it yet?" She shrugged and shook her head.


    I''d been watching the horde hoard while I refereed the games during the day, and I''d begun to get a feel for each of them. Daya was shy as fuck, but not stupid or cowardly or anything. Just small, and shy, and seemed to have no real interest in what you might call verbal socializing. Playing games, sure, although even there she kinda did her own thing, but I don''t think I saw her talk to anybody except David and Lindsey.


    David was... oh my fuck David was the girliest girl to ever girl, which made me vaguely worried with the whole twig and berries thing going on. Not, like, ''oh, no, my boy isn''t a boy'', but more ''I don''t want my kid suffering dysphoria or any shit like that'' contesting with, ''I don''t want him thinking he needs a vag to be girly''. Fuck it, if I had to, I could just Boon him with shapeshifting, and let him boy and or girl how he fuckin'' felt like.


    Lindsey was kinda the opposite of that. She and Alex both gave off boy vibes, but where with Alex it was all about the almost stereotypical toxic male bullshit about being in front, being in charge, and generally insisting on every privilege they thought they could get away with, with Lindsey it was way more of a carriage and, I dunno, presentation thing. I dunno, maybe Lindsey was just a really athletic girl, where Alex was I dunno... bossy? Like, not in a good way. Not in a Saffron way, but in a, I dunno, generic conservative rich guy way, where they want everybody to see them as in charge, even if they shouldn''t be.


    Still, while I kinda maybe wanted to give her some feedback on how to be alpha bitch without being quite so much of an asshole about it, I thought I might know what she''d like in terms of her PJs. I conferred with Marie just long enough to give her my idea, then we walked down to breakfast. After we necked a little bit more. What was I supposed to do when she leaned down and said, "Thanks. Vlickies."


    Took my time feeding Kitten all the waffles, since we wouldn''t be heading to our new place today. When I fed her the last bite I leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek before murmuring, "sorry about yesterday. I''m kinda jazzed about us having our own place."


    She swallowed, smiled, then whispered back, "I could tell. No more choking your wife." Before I could reply, she kissed my cheek and said, "with food."


    Then she fucked off to class, leaving me sitting there staring. Goofy grin gonna get permanently etched on my face.


    Class was class, refereeing toddler games wasn''t as boring as I''d first thought, since I wound up having to run around kinda watching, and to be honest even shapeshifted I was faster, stronger, and had better wind than the rest of the posse and the horde hoard, Some of that might have been Maze being one of the oldest of the bunch, though.


    With that in mind, I had a thought when we sat down to read. "You know how I''ve been playing with the other kids as you?" She nodded, more interested in finishing Wintersmith than anything else at the moment. "Well, lately instead of playing I''ve been refereeing. Not nearly as crazy or, y''know, high impact as actually playing. Still kinda fun and social though."


    She realized at that point that I actually wanted to talk about something, so she closed the book around her little fingers and said, "so?"


    I nodded. "I just figured if you want to stick around at Lancaster House some of the time to, y''know, play with your sibs and friends without being quite so hounded, it''s an opportunity."


    She frowned. "You just want to stop reading with me."


    "NO! No, no, no, I love reading with you. I kinda like reading with you more than I like refereeing, to be honest. I just wanted to let you know the option is open for you. No pressure, and it''s not, like, an either or. You wanna read half the day and play half the day, I''m cool with that, or you wanna play one day and read the next, that''s good too."


    She smiled softly up at me and said, "I''ll think about it."


    Calverton was oddly quiet still. Not gonna say it. Not gonna say it. You can''t fuckin'' make me say it, because I am both a Primordial Force of Nature and Not an Idiot. But it was creepily quiet.


    Really odd day in class, too, with nobody really injured, and most of the class spent either demonstrating Smite, which left people chillin'' like villains, or talking about the potential for ''healing'' Undeath. I felt some kinda way about that, because if there was a reliable, ''put ''em in a box, throw a weakness potion on them, and feed them gilded apples'' method, I''d definitely prefer that to just turning the poor bastards to ash. I mean, I guess some of them are like the guy we dropped off at Lancaster House, all full of rage and hatred. Maybe being Undead makes that worse. But I don''t think anybody asked to get Plagued.


    Still, not gonna call a halt to the very slow moving but safe method of clearing Calverton just because there might, maybe, be a way that will make me feel a little less bad.


    When we stepped back to Lancaster House at the close of the day, Oscar stood outside the suite door and knocked. I knew it was Oscar, because despite her normally getting the door, Marie directed me over. I''m guessing she and he kinda share being in charge at this point, what with him technically being the boss, but him also not being an idiot and realizing that Marie had been Maiding longer than Lancaster House had been a House to have a Butler.


    "Pardon the intrusion, Champion, but a visitor has been waiting to speak with you."


    I shrugged. "No worries, Oscar. Where are they at?"


    "The entryway, ma''am."


    "Thanks." I stepped straight to the entryway, hoping Oscar didn''t feel some kinda way about me leaving him standing in the doorway. I recognized the dude standing there clutching hands with the woman next to him. I caught his eye, nodded to the woman and said, "found your wife?"


    "Yes, Champion, I..."


    "Awesome!" I stepped over to them and pulled them both into a big hug, holding it until they both stopped holding themselves stiffer than Oscar. I stepped back, one hand on each of their shoulders, and said, "Really glad you guys found each other again." I sighed, maybe a little dramatically, but fuck it. "I just wish I could do that for everybody left in Calverton, y''know?" Then I looked them both in the eye and said, "did you guys need anything? Money? Food? Place to stay? I mean, my wife hasn''t started recruiting people for the new house, but I could put a good word in. Or, y''know, I could give you guys a lift to wherever. Calverton''s still technically a war zone, but I can get you to pretty much any farmstead in Lancaster, or to any of the Alliance Cities." The two of them just stood there staring, jaws slowly dropping as the bullshit flowed. "Or... did you want to take a swing at me or something? Offer''s still open if that''s how you''re feeling. Have to be outside though, don''t want to throw down in my buddy Larry''s house. That''d just be rude."


    They looked at each other, and after a moment of wordless communication, she looked up at me and said, "We came to thank you. But... can we have some time to think about it?"


    I pulled them into another hug. "Don''t worry about it, I''m just glad you guys found each other. I know I can''t undo what''s been done, but the sooner I can get everybody back to a place as good as they were before this shit started? The sooner I can try and focus on maybe making stuff better than that."


    They nodded, and he said, "may... May we go?"


    I nodded. "Sure! Just come see me whenever, whatever you decide." I bumped my fist gently against his chin. "Even if you change your mind about needing to smack me."


    They left, and I turned to see Saffron standing there, smiling fondly at me. I stepped over and scooped her up into a hug. "He found his wife!"


    "I see that." She smiled and chuckled a little. "So Goof. So my Goof."


    "Yeah, I like seeing people happy. I''m even maybe not entirely defensive and embarrassed about it any more."


    She kissed me, then pulled back. "I know that, and things like that are what make me proud to be your wife. But that''s not what I meant, Goofus Maximus."


    I pulled back a little, confused, but not unhappy. I had Saffron in my arms, dinner was soon, and the kids were all healthy and happy and noisily being herded down to dinner by Marie. "So what gooftastic thing have I done now?"


    She leaned in next to my ear, took a long moment to nibble on my earlobe, and just when I''d almost forgotten my own question, whispered, "what are their names?"

 Day Three Hundred And Ninety-Three

    Dear Diary,


    "Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent."


    - Isaac Asimov


    Look, bish, when did I ever claim to be competent at anything other than breaking shit? Like, you''re not wrong, that is my last refuge, but it is also my modus operandi, my default solution, my area of expertise, and my fetish, so I''m guessing I''m pretty solidly in the ''incompetent'' category for life.


    I wonder if I can get some kind of tattoo with ''#ViolenceSquad4Life'' or some shit on it?


    Stupid fuckin'' quote to put in a stupid fuckin'' self-help book for stupid fuckin'' me.


    Anyway, yesterday after Saffron reminded me that I did not even know the fuckin'' name of the dude I''d yoinked back not just from death, but from living his best life as an Undead specter of some kind, because in my Glorious lack of Wisdom, which might be a problem for, y''know, the Primordial Deity of Wisdom, even as it also kinda explains a few things about the world, I thought that was not, in fact, his best life, I went looking for the happily reunited couple. No joy. I kinda guessed that they''d holed up in one of the ''bunkhouses'', although calling a pair of fucking apartment buildings ''bunkhouses'' was such a Lancaster thing to do I could only chuckle about it as I stepped back inside.


    "So, what are their names?"


    I shook my head and pulled her in with an arm around her waist. "No joy. I think they''re in the bunkhouses, but they seemed a little intimidated by me or something."


    She smiled at me, obviously incapable of completely hiding her laughter, then said, "you could scry on them?"


    "Nah. Like I said, I think they''re scared. I don''t want them getting all creeped out by acting like some kind of creepy stalker person."


    She leaned her head against my chest. "Worried they''ll run away, or worried they''ll offer themselves up to be the next on your growing list of conquests?"


    She Translocated us up to the Dining Hall before I could reply. "Hey! That''s, like, one person."


    She smiled, pulled herself up for a kiss, and whispered, "two," into my mouth.


    As we walked to the table I chewed on that, but couldn''t come up with an answer, so after we both sat down I chucked a, who? at her brain.


    Saffron Rae definitely joined in at one point.


    I honestly had zero idea how to feel about that at this point. On the one hand, some not so tiny neopuritan remnant in my brain hollered about ''consent'', but I smothered it with the sure knowledge that I''d absolutely given Saffron blanket consent to just about anything to yeet that fucker out of my head for good. It then fell back to the old ''cheating'' bullshit, but Saffron had been, like, right there the entire time. Were you okay with that?


    We were borrowing her husband, and to say the two of you were ''into it'' would be something of an understatement. I can totally see why she wanted a turn.


    As Marie set a roast chicken in front of me, I leaned up and gave her a peck on the cheek. "Thanks, Marie." I mean, he''s her husband, I''d feel some kinda way if somebody were going at it with you and I couldn''t join in.


    I didn''t mean with him.


    I had zero idea how to respond to that, so I just nommed and let it simmer. When I finished, I thought, d''you mind a quick chat in private?


    Just a chat?


    I smiled across the table at the wicked gleam in her eyes. Maybe. Depends.


    On?


    If I can get my head to stop twisting around itself?


    A moment later something brushed across the back of my neck, and then Saffron and I sat on the divan in the Love Shack. "What''s wrong, love?"


    "I... I don''t remember that, and I''m not sure how I feel about it." She just nodded, shifted both of us around until I lay with one leg hooked over the back of the divan, the other stretched out down its slope, my head propped against the padded arm. She propped herself up with her elbows on my abs right below my breasts, her hands under her chin, listening attentively as she stared at my face, my eyes. "I mean, I''m not mad. Not angry. I said do anything you needed to do, and," I thought about a return trip, like right now, one or both of us just seeing how many finishing moves we could apply on the two of them before they collapsed not unlike Raymond had done on my birthday. I barely felt anything negative at all, although thinking about what I''d done, what we''d done, still tugged at Bad Things. Probably because some part of me knew that anything with Saffron Rae and Raymond wasn''t going to happen spontaneously.


    "I don''t know, it might. They were both very taken with you. By you." She grinned up at me.


    "Were you listening to me think?"


    She smiled, lowered her face to kiss my cleavage, then lifted her head back up to smile at me. "You were thinking very loud. But yes. I do that when I can."


    "I... don''t know how to feel about that." I paused, considering. "How would you feel if I did that to you?"


    How would I feel about my beloved wife, my Glorious Goddess, my lover, my Goof, my reason for being, slipping into my most intimate and private of spaces, suffusing me utterly, Body, Mind, and Soul? That thought came with a wave of emotions: anticipation, fulfillment, titillation, adoration, satisfaction, glee, and above and around everything else, a deep and abiding love that I almost didn''t instinctively reject. Right then I realized part of why I rejected it, and why I almost hadn''t. That fucking shitty part of me that told me I wasn''t worth a pile of dogshit on the street, that I didn''t deserve happiness, or love, or even simple human contact and kindness.


    "Wow. I... Did I say you could do that?"


    She lowered her gaze. "You... you gave me the ability when you made me your High Priestess, beloved. I... I thought that you wanted..."


    I grabbed her arms and pulled her up, silencing her with my mouth. Her hands wandered, but before she could finish rerouting my train of thought to southerly destinations, I pushed her away just a little and said, "I didn''t want because I didn''t know that was even possible. But... I..." I took a deep breath. I''d faced down fucking Gods and Dragons and the blessed concept of Privatives herself, I could talk with my wife about where our boundaries were. "I don''t even know what to accept or not. But..."


    She lay her head on my chest, slipping her arms under me and taking a solid grip. "Butt?"


    "Sixth." I laughed at my own damn dumb joke, tension flowing out. "Boy please." He lay atop me, and I felt his insistent interest against my leg. Slowly sliding into motion. That awful conflation of guilt and shame and self loathing ripped through me. "Down girl!"


    He grinned up at me, "but... not girl?" I frowned, and she lay atop me once more.


    "Thanks. Yeah. Treatment still isn''t done. So. Woman of my word. Until you rail me in a sundress so hard the last bits of that annoying bullshit burn up in their own juices, I''m yours to do with as you will. So yeah, Consent given. Not sure about eagerly. Gotta think about that."


    She tilted her head. "After?"


    I felt the thrust of her question, and oddly felt her desire to emphasize it with a thrust of her hips, even though she didn''t. "Are you in my head right now?"


    "A little. Mostly I''m just showing you mine, love. So you know, with no uncertainty, that my only goal is our happiness."


    I grinned and booped her nose. "Not the Greater Glory of the Alliance?"


    She shrugged. "That would give me the ability to drop the infant mortality rate in an ever expanding portion of the world. Which would make both of us happy. Especially you. Especially when you realized that I do it because of you, and can do it because of you."


    I just lay there, mouth dropping open. I''d never actually put that together. "So I can just kinda assume that if I don''t ask you for some privacy, you''ll be right there in my head, along for the ride?"


    "Would you rather I wasn''t?"


    I shrugged. "Not important. Global Consent given. I don''t go back on my word."


    She lifted herself up, glared at me, let me see that she wanted to know, with no evasions. "Would you rather I wasn''t?"


    I shook my head, "I really don''t know. Like I said, I didn''t even know it was possible. Hell, I''m not sure I could tell one way or another." I thought about it a moment. "I mean, you''ve been doing this for damn near a year, and I hadn''t even noticed, except when you said shit and made it obvious. I''ve pretty much liked everything you did with it that I noticed. But knowing..." I sighed. "Tell you what. I''ll try to pay attention. I''ll probably forget. But I''ll decide whether I like it or not right after."


    "After?"


    I pulled her up and plunged my thoughts, my emotions, my hunger as deep inside her as I''d ever been, and said, "after you make me scream so loud explosions and thunder and tsunamis and earthquakes say, ''what the fuck was that''."


    I didn''t even try to stop her after that. Wouldn''t really be fair, and you gotta be the change you want to see in the world, right?


    This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    After, I lay on my side on the deliciously padded steps at the foot of the bed, playing with the back of one of her knees where her leg flopped over the end of the bed. "Y''know, I still don''t remember that."


    "What?"


    "Saffron Rae."


    "Oh!" A memory slid into my mind, Raymond''s garlicky tongue in my mouth, another entirely different tongue elsewhere.


    I blinked. "That wasn''t you?"


    Her thigh jiggled as she shook her head. "Oh. No. I mean, we tried that position, I think it''s why she joined in. Here." Another memory, and this one kinda baked my noggin a little. Two of me. One with Raymond''s tongue as deep as it would go in my mouth, the other with my tongue exploring me, Raymond buried to the hilt in her. Me. "Whoa. That''s some trippy shit right... holy shit that was intense."


    She giggled again. "I know, right?"


    "Wait, were you on top there?"


    She thought about it, then shook her head. Weird being able to feel that when I couldn''t see it. "No, that was you."


    "So you, ah, fucked Raymond too?"


    She Grinned at me. "Oh, no, we had no, what did you call them? Fascina, but with straps to hold it to my hips? And shapeshifting would have rather spoiled the illusion for him."


    I rolled over to kneel next to the bed, propping my elbows on the bed next to her. "Not what I meant, Kitten. And you know it. And I know you know it."


    "But it was funny though."


    I chuckled. "Okay, Roger Rabbit. Yeah, it was. But..."


    She rolled over onto her belly, her eyes inches from mine. "Yes, Tabitha, Raymond and I fucked. As did Saffron Rae and I. As did you and both of them. To all of our satisfaction. To Raymond''s utter satiation, in fact." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then looked back into my eyes. "Are you okay with that?"


    I thought about it for a split second, then smiled. "Y''know? I think I am. I kinda wish I could remember it better."


    For a moment, she looked around the bathroom where we were getting the kids ready for bed, then nodded meaningfully at Marie. "Tonight, once the children are asleep, I will show you everything."


    "Marie?"


    "Would very much like to be here as well, to experience our little assignation as we did."


    I nodded. "Y''know, I think that would kinda erase any last bad feelings I''m having about it. I was... kinda drunk, I think?"


    She pressed her lips against mine for a moment. "As much as I could make you. I did everything in my power to empower your desire, and to disempower your inhibitions, so you could have a few hours of nothing but pure sybaritic pleasure."


    We lounged there, face to face, gently necking and murmuring about how we could feel each other''s lips from both directions, until we and the kids were snuggled in a pile in bed and Marie showed up, lounging on the divan. I glanced at her in the mirror, realized she was absolutely staring directly at my ass with no sense of self-consciousness at all, and laughed. "Get over here, you big fuzzy fuzzball."


    She met my eyes in the mirror, then very pointedly ran a single claw into and back out of her mouth, then said, "Later." before lowering her eyes back down to my ass.


    "Still sixth!" I laughingly barked at her, and discovered that with thousands or years of experience laughing your ass off is not in fact even a speed bump to self service. I turned to Saffron and said, "that... that thing, where I was feeling what you felt and vice versa. I couldn''t tell which of us was which?"


    She nodded, and suddenly I stared into my own slit hazel-green eyes. While still staring at Saffron''s dark ones. I absolutely couldn''t tell which of us had that little fire flicker to life in our belly, until I realized that it was both of us. "Can you still tell now?"


    I nodded, then paused. "Slap me?" Before either of us could do anything, my ass burned where Marie had smacked it. Definitely my ass. Definitely my ramped up tension. "Not what I meant, but yeah, I can."


    Then I grabbed at my arms and pulled as my knees didn''t reach the floor any more. Pulling and kicking, I managed to get the balls of my feet to barely touch the floor. Standing on tiptoes the bed took me right at that perfect bend point. I looked adorable the entire time, trying to keep from slipping off the edge as I watched, grinning, thinking of how delightfully helpless I looked, at how the position arched and bent everything so enticingly. Right about then I also realized that the hair hanging into both sets of my eyes was bone straight and white. "Can you tell which of us is which now?" I asked.


    I... absolutely could not. But I also absolutely could not resist that coquette on the bed, and when that awful guilt tried to rise up, we beat it down with a mutual thought of, WIFE. Then I got an irresistible impulse to try more of the features of our new bed, letting go of my hands, rolling over, and sliding one of those fascina out of its holder. "Holy shit, that thing''s as big as my fucking arm."


    I looked at me and said, "but my arm isn''t fucking?"


    Right about then Marie spoiled that perfect view by reaching over and flipping the me bent over the bed ass over teakettle. I refused to complain, what with me landing right at my knees, head spinning with the motion. I paused. "Do you want to review the other day now, or?"


    It turned out that not only was I completely willing to wait on the after action blow by blow, Marie took great delight in coaching. Very great delight, confirmed by her slipping her own perceptions into the collective me fucking around on the bed.


    I''ve had some really awesome sex since I got to the here and now and got my new Isekai issued hot body, and part of me felt some kinda way about the fact that apparently some part of my brain was holding back or holding out or some shit, but while I''d frequently finished thrice in an encounter, I''d never done so all at the same time before.


    "Kitten?"


    "Yes, Goof?"


    "Yeah, forget what I said earlier. I''m sold on the whole ''you two in my brain'' thing."


    She literally rolled over and clutched at her stomach laughing for a bit. "So... so you... so Goof. Bribed with sex. Bribed with one sex, even."


    I got her point immediately. "Wait. No. Not sold yet. I need many, many more test drives to convince me. Frequent. Gotta have ''em. Mom taught me to be an educated consumer. Can''t disappoint Mom."


    Saffron rolled around, grabbed me, then rolled and scooched us both into Marie''s lap. "You have saved more children in one short year than all the gods have in their millennia. I''m quite certain you have not disappointed your mother in the slightest."


    "I dunno, I don''t think she really was behind the idea of same-sex marriage."


    My weight shifted, a few pounds between my legs instead of on my chest. "Whatever do you mean?"


    "Not sure she''d like me being trans, or fluid, or whatever."


    He lay in my arms, his head pillowed on my ample bosom, which was bosming amply once more. "I have no idea what you''re talking about."


    I couldn''t help it. I laughed, squeezing her to me. So long as I didn''t think about oh, shit, I''d just thought about the whole being railed thing, and she put her arms around me. "It''s okay, love. It''s okay. We''ll work our way through this."


    Before I could say anything, Marie swept us into a hug and said, "Yes."


    "Now, would you two like just the highlights, or everything from the moment we stepped away to the moment we returned?"


    I frowned. "Won''t there be, like, a bunch of talking and foreplay and not sex stuff at the beginning?"


    She laughed. "Thirty seconds at most, love. You were, as you might say, dying of thirst."


    "Oh. Yeah. Okay then. Marie?"


    "All."


    So courtesy of my Deific mind-link and my brilliant Kitten''s apparently eidetic memory, we watched home made full sensory pr0n, stopping now and then when Marie of course had professional opinions or I added some off-color commentary. Then we all collapsed back to the cuddle puddle as we all fell asleep.


    Mimic dreamt of pole dancing with her Kraken and doing a Linda Lovelace impression with the tentacle formerly known as persona non gratis. Don''t ask me, I just sleep here.


    In the morning, Saffron and I both needed a bath. Marie just smelled more of Marie, maybe a little less of the sea. Her fur had mostly dried, but dried stiff in that SCP creepy form that made her look like some kind of half skeletal drowned cat. The kids, if they noticed, didn''t seem to care; they played around just like any other morning.


    Speaking of playing, Maze stuck around to referee for the morning. I Blended and ghosted alongside her until, during a particularly frustrating intervention between Liam and Alex, she muttered, "papa?" and I stepped in for her, sweeping her away to read for the rest of the day.


    As she pulled the book out of the shelf, I asked, "so am I papa now?"


    She looked up, grinned, and said, "no."


    I smiled down at her. "You keep calling me that though."


    "Yes."


    I laughed and carted her off to the toddler bed to read.


    Meanwhile back at Lancaster House I took refuge in the fact that I am, in fact, more stubborn than a pair of little kids. I went over The Rules they''d come up with for Tag, specifically the one about tagging being done with a hand, not a foot, or body block, and definitely not claws or teeth or horns or headbutt. Because all the kids not only knew Menace could have any or all of those, but were totally fine with it. I guess prejudice is a learned thing after all. At any rate, I had Alex apologize first, because clotheslining Liam at the knees to keep him from touching her with his hand definitely went against the ''minimal contact'' spirit of the rules. Then I had her apologize for just generally being a Karen during the argument. Just because you''re right doesn''t mean you have to be nasty about it. Hell, if you''re right, you''ve got less reason to be nasty, ''cause all you gotta do is stick to your guns and make your case and maybe bribe the judge to stay honest.


    Then I had Liam apologize for being, if anything, a bigger bitch during the argument, and finally I ruled in Alex''s favor since, after all, he hadn''t managed to touch her with his hand. Of course, ten seconds later when she still stood there, eyes closed, laughing, after everybody else had scattered, he slapped her on the arm, screamed, "you''re it!" and bolted for the steps.


    Kid''s gotta learn. ''Gloat while running''.


    Still, kids are exhausting. Not gonna give it up any time soon, though, because I''m loving this shit.


    In the morning, I hopped over to Loki''s place, and once he''d had me up on the table doing the general massage thing for a minute he rolled me over, sat me up, and said, "in the first place, you''re still playing with the children. In the second, I see no evidence of the deaths you sustained the week before this last."


    "Really? Weird."


    He tossed his head to the side in a weird shrug thing. "Not really. Were you truly Mortal, your birthday celebrations might have simply been what they were for your wife; a joyous celebration of loved ones showing their love in return."


    "But I''m not..."


    "No, you are not, and the concentrated worship of over a million Mortals has erased any evidence of your deaths."


    I ran my fingers over some of my more prominent scars. "Still hasn''t fixed these though."


    He smiled, sadly, and I realized that I''d pointed out something he wasn''t able to fix. "No. No it has not."


    I went up onto my knees and put my arms around his torso, enjoying the chill of him. "Not your fault. Nothing for you to feel guilty about, dad."


    Then Sigyn lifted me away, hugged me her own self, and set me in my chair. "So, we''ve heard about Maze, but tell us about these others?"


    So I sat there through the day, while time flowed in the odd way it does in Loki''s cave, chatting about the kids, both Loki and Sigyn making little comments, suggestions about how to help the kids understand how to be better people, really. Parenting advice. I was getting parenting advice. From a God of Hearth and Home and a Goddess of Marital Devotion. So cool. Then again, at one point late in the day that last bit really clicked with me, and after trying and failing to speak like three times, I asked, "Sigyn?"


    "Yes, Tabitha?"


    "As, uh, Goddess of Marital Devotion, what do you think about what Saffron and I did on my birthday?" She kinda tilted her head, requesting explanation, and I explained. "She and I kinda had sex with another couple. For like four hours."


    She snickered, snorted, then broke out into laughter. When it died down, she said, "well, at four hours I guess I can assume this wasn''t a case of mistaken identity or some kind of bizarre accident in the dark?"


    I snickered a little my own self. "You''d think, but identity issues aside, no, everybody pretty much knew what they were doing. I maybe might have been a little drunk. On purpose. Liquid courage and all. But nothing like, against my will happened."


    She smiled and laid a hand on mine. "I''m well aware. You''d be asking us for absolution for killing someone if it had, I''m sure." She stopped, thought about it. "is your wife copacetic about what happened?"


    "Fuck, it was her idea." When she sat there, quiet, I said, "yeah, not just her idea, she totally is still getting off on it. So she''s good with it."


    Sigyn nodded. "So you''ve naught to feel guilty about. And you?"


    I paused and thought about it. "Yeah. Yeah, y''know, the whole thing was to help my sorry repressed ass out, so I''m good with it." I smiled. "Hella fun, too."


    She nodded again. "And now, afterward, do you feel any less devoted to her, any less close to her?"


    I laughed, "oh no. Hell no. Fuckity, fuck no. I think I can say with absolute certainty that we have never been fuckin'' closer."


    She reached out and ruffled my hair. "There you go then, daughter. I see nothing wrong, nothing that offends me, either as mother or Goddess. Be at peace with what has gone before, knowing that..."


    Right then Marie appeared, burn marks across both her hands and forearms, soot and blood and ichor splattered across her. "Help."

 Day Three Hundred And Ninety-Four

    Dear Diary,


    "Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean."


    - Maya Angelou


    Get ready to fuckin'' burn.


    Marie stumbled, and I caught her before she hit the floor. Plenty of the blood on her wasn''t hers, but... not all of it. The soot wasn''t from smoke, but from charred skin. My jaw too clenched to speak, I asked with my eyes, and she grated out, "Alley." I nodded, and I watched her discorporate in my arms.


    "Be care..."


    "Watch over Saffron and the Kids."


    I pulled all of me in as I leapt. One of me to Black Dragon''s mast. One of me to M-Space on the docks. One of me to that fucking alley, where a rain of arrows flew at me. Before they hit I stepped another me in behind, throwing out a Filtration Ward set to block everything but light. The me in front dropped, filled with arrows like a pincushion, and I took a moment to scan the area around were I''d landed in the mouth of the alley as I split myself in four, prompting another wave of arrows that bounced off my Ward.


    Behind me, between where I stood and the barricade, a wave of basic bitch Undead swarmed toward the troops stationed at the far end. Marie stood there, sword staff spinning, cutting them down as they approached.


    More Undead filled the streets as far as I could see. Blood and Ichor covered the ground beneath me, giving me a clue why this spot had been empty, that this had been where Marie got beaten bloody and burned. Mostly burned. Like the rage that ignited in me at the thought of anyone laying a finger on my wife.


    I shoved my Blend up, and another wave of arrows slammed down, so many that for a moment I couldn''t see the swarm around me, battering at the Ward, trying to get in. Their Miasma sucked at it, weakening it, each blow suctioning off a little more. Something else tore at it as well, a Miasma stronger than any I''d felt before. I slid apart, one moving in each direction, and the archers fired again, focused on each of me. I scanned the rooftops, but other than archers saw nothing. I Shaped, stepped one of me to each of the alley rooftops, and threw another pair of Filtration Wards. More arrows hammered into them, and on the far side of the roof, a big fucker who towered over the Archers by at least a head shoved his way through, then stepped off the edge. He squashed half a dozen Undead when he hit the ground, then trudged toward the pair of me on the ground hiding behind my rapidly failing Filtration Ward.


    Behind where he''d dropped I spotted another pair? trio? quad? of taller figures behind the archers. One of them had that weird glow people used to hint at UV lights. Before I could react to that, a glob of something flew out from that glow, arcing overhead toward the far end of the alley. Toward Marie. I didn''t think, I leapt, intercepting the blob in midair with a rapidly shaped Filtration Ward. A wave of arrows hit that Ward. A moment later, it shattered like spun sugar, the last of its Mana leached out by the Miasma radiating from that deep violet figure on the far roof. That me fell, and every Archer on the roof took the opportunity to fire at me while I dropped, helpless, in freefall.


    Which meant none of them were covering the other three of me. Acting on instinct, I shoved Mana into my skin, where it leached away slowly, but I didn''t need long. One of me leapt to each end of the line of Archers, another stepping forward with my swordstaff already in motion to engage the big fucker on the ground. Before I did anything else, I threw another Filtration Ward, this one centered about twenty feet in the air, ten feet across, between the big guy and the Archers. Then we were in melee, and it was all I could do to hold him back. He had about two feet of reach on me, and though I kept him back with the ''staff'' part of my swordstaff, that didn''t leave me much to attack with, especially since I had to keep whacking basic bitch Undead still swarming in from both directions along the street.


    Up on the rooftops, I carved into both ends of the line of Archers. I even got into a rhythm; step to put the next Archer between me and the rest of the line. Take one arm off through the bow, then the head, then the other arm, then one leg. Kick it to the side, then rinse and repeat. Over and over and over. Arrows still hit me, and two of the big assholes moved toward me, but I dismembered another Archer every second or so. It formed a sort of music, even. Twang, splurch, splurch, splurch, whunk, thud, over and over and over. Like high speed untz untz, but way more organic. Maybe even messier, what with the constant spray of ichor everywhere.


    The me that had caught all those arrows while I fell to the ground rolled over, pushed myself up to a knee, and groaned. I pushed more Mana into my skin, and the arrows fell away. A few more rained down, but I spun away from where I''d landed, whipping my swordstaff through the crowd at ankle height.


    It had been less than six seconds since I arrived, and I''d already died once, and if the big asshole on the ground wasn''t a fluke, it wasn''t looking too great for the two of me on the roof either. As I ripped open a space on the street, I pulled Mana from the me in M-Space and Shaped a bunch of Smites.


    That''s when that violet fucker whipped out something that felt like a corrupted Mana Ward, only covering at least two fuckin'' blocks in every direction from where he stood. All four of me inside that radius staggered. The me in M-Space saw that shit, a strange purple dome, almost as if he''d made a Mana Ward out of Miasma. That me started Shaping, as did the me on the mast.


    Meanwhile the four of me inside the Miasma Ward all had to recover from that shit. One of me on the roof took an arrow right to the chest from point blank range. Fucker stood there blinking when it just kinda thumped into my chest and did jack diddly shit. I don''t know exactly how durable the Defenses I''ve Mimicked since I got to the here and now are, but one arrow was just not gonna cut it, no matter how fuckin'' ''bodkin'' it was. Shit, I''d be willing to put me up against, like, bullets. Maybe even rockets. Of course, that''s because there''s more than one of me, and dying is painful and inconvenient, not final. Figured I could win a few drinks at the local bar with that shit though.


    At the other end of the line, the big fucker arrived just as I got my weapon swinging again. His sword came down in a massive overhand chop, and my options were dodging into open air, dodging into the pile of still twitching limbs and bodies I''d left in my wake, trying to go through him, or just blocking that shit. I decided on trying to tackle him. My shoulder hit his armored abs, and I think I heard him grunt as the metal buckled and he went backward up the roof. Then the pommel of his sword came down on my lower back, something back there cracked, and I stumbled to one knee.


    Down on the ground the armored asshole, who''d proved to have way more Skill with a blade than I wanted him to have, took my momentary stagger as an opportunity to attempt a fight-ending lunge. On the good side, all those stolen defenses meant I didn''t wind up with a ragged, bleeding wound in my side when I didn''t quite get all the way out of the way. On the bad side, even that impact spun me around, staggering more as I pirouetted away from him. I managed to get my staff up to block his second lunge, bringing it around in a two handed block that caught his sword mid-blade. I''d hoped to hit the flat, but at the very last moment he got it twisted so it took the blow on the edge.


    It still bent.


    My swordstaff did not.


    I grinned up at the faint violet glow behind his visor. "Harder, better, faster, stronger, bitch." I pumped Mana into my limbs, my body, and leapt into action. Only now, I gave no shits about actually landing a shot on him. Oh, I swung for his arms, his legs, his face, his torso, blades spinning hard and fast enough to hurt him even through that heavy, thick, Cold Iron. But he was quick, and good, and got his sword or shield in the way every single time. And every single fuckin'' time I bent it further out of balance, sliced little bits off, dented it, and just generally wrecked the shit out of his handheld equipment. Then he caught my staff in a bind, locked in by the twists and bends in the sword. A deep, menacing, almost laughing growl echoed from the helmet, and he bore down, trying to force me to the ground with his superior strength and size.


    Moving faster than even I could really track, I shifted my grip to one end of the staff, looked him right in the glowy eyes, screamed, "leverage, bitch!" and yoinked his fucked up shortsword out of his fuckin'' hand, yeeting it into the alley, aimed at the far end. I grinned as my favorite tiger lady leapt and caught the hilt in her teeth. I think she might have bit right through the binding, sinking her fangs right into the hilt. Ooh, bitey bitey Murder Mittens! Me likey!


    Later, Vlickies.


    I''d say that sent too much fear for the integrity of my precious skin for me to find it hot, but we both know I''m too stupid not to find anything she did hot, no matter how creepy scary violent.


    I spun back into action as the big fucker reached for my staff, bringing the blade up hard and fast enough to take his fingers off at the second knuckle. "No touchy!" Then I leapt back on the attack, only this time he had no weapon, so every other swing took a little more off his hand, then arm. Miasma leaked from the openings in his armor, and I poured more Mana into Swift Foot and Strong Arm, turning myself and my swordstaff into a fuckin'' rogue deli slicer with attitude. Then his shield strap broke, sending it flying off, and the slicing began in earnest.


    On top of the roof, it turned out his big buddies were just as strong, just as big, but way less skilled. Both of me and both of them caught arrow after arrow as the Archers kept firing into us, but I gave exactly zero shits about that, doing unto their swords and shields as I had to their teammate down on the street. Sparks and slivers of metal flew, and I laughed every time the big fuckers stumbled, leaping over to the archers and pureeing a few more, then leaping back to turning Cold Iron juggernauts into shrapnel. Before long no Archers remained, and I could focus on pureeing the big fuckers.


    Down on the street, pincushion me rolled to my feet and released my Smites one after another. Right then I realized that some of the basic bitch Undead weren''t quite so basic. Most of them weren''t really tracking on me, just flailing and trying to get to the alley to get to mincing machine Murder Mittens. I had to hit those kinda hard to make the Smite go, because their fuckin'' Miasma barely made it to their skin, and most of them still had clothes on and shit. One or two even had stuff that doubled as armor, like thick leather aprons, or even a couple with legit breastplates or chain shirts. A few in the crowd did seem to notice me, though, their eyes filled with that same fuckin'' deep violet glow. Of course, Smite hit them about two inches before contact, leaving them screaming to ash.


    This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.


    Weird; the basic bitches didn''t seem to scream as much, just ashing with a low moan.


    Right about then the violet eyed mothefucker in the back, who I just then realized wasn''t wearing light armor, but just really fancy robes not unlike Weyson''s, raised his hands to the sky, fingers spread. deep violet lightning arced out; dozens of crackling bolts flying across the sky. One toward each living being within the Miasma Ward.


    I didn''t think, I just Shaped and leapt. Mana Blades sprang from my swordstaves. I caught the blasts headed for the two of me on the roof, redirecting them into the big fuckers and watching as they stood there spread eagled and shaking. The me on the ground fighting the big dude had no more time to play; I brought my Mana Blade around, hard, right through his head. His eyes flared, ichor flowing into something like arms where I''d left him with stumps. Then my actual sword blade carved right through at the same level, and he collapsed in a clatter of Cold Iron.


    I leapt to join the other me on the ground, where I''d leapt to intercept the fucking lightning raining down on my troops. Bolt after bolt I intercepted. First I flung them into the ground, but they arced back toward my guys and gals. I wound up with two of me juggling fucking lightning, each strike draining me a little further.


    Meanwhile the two big fuckers on the roof stopped shaking and started growing. They''d started at least seven feet tall in their fuckin'' armor. As they swelled, roaring defiance and rage to the sky, their armor exploded off of them, piece by piece, their missing limbs replaced by bubbling, shifting, sloppy ichor arms. Each of them looked down at one of me and screamed.


    Which is when I punched each of them in the crotch with the biggest Smite I had in me at the moment.


    Fuckin'' hilarious watching an elemental force of Undead destruction grab at their crotch, fall to the ground as their hips disintegrated, then burn to ash while doing the ''I just got punched in the nuts'' moan. Look, I''m a simple woman, slapstick makes me laugh. Yes, I know it might have been the objectively least well made Ghostbusters, but I laughed and salivated my ass off at Hemsworth at maximum himbo and Kate McKinnon doing the sexy lesbian whip routine and yeah maybe there were more signs than I realized back then.


    Then the final big armored fucker crashed into one of me, and one of me died right there. Not only was he just a little bigger than the other three, Wish dot com Mister Wizard had kept the most Skilled of his bodyguards back to guard himself, and the fucker was fresh when I was absolutely out of gas. For a minute he battered me around the roof. Blow after blow I barely managed to stay on my feet. At one point I lunged for the fucker in the robes, but he just stood there lookin'' smug like some kind of unholier than thou motherfucker while his big asshole bodyguard knocked me across the roof by slamming his shield into me hard enough to crack my ribs.


    As he lifted his foot to stomp on me, the two of me who''d been juggling hyperviolet lightning arrived, flinging half that lightning into tall smug and robey, the other half arcing to the metal covering his bodyguard bitch. Might have made a mistake there, since he stomped down to go spread eagled, which smeared one of me across the roof tiles. In that moment when his bodyguard did the electrocution jitterbug, both of me leapt, following the lightning aimed at Sorcerer Suckpreme.


    He caught that shit, redirecting all but a tiny bit of it at one of me. I screamed as I fried, and I got to listen to myself die screaming as the remainder of the bolts flopped me on my ass, twitching.


    His bodyguard, a few bits of armor hanging loose, stomped over to loom over me, pinning me to the ground with one foot on my chest. Then the asshole in the robes leaned over me, sneering.


    And spoke.


    "How does it feel, Whore of Phileo? To be helpless before the wrath of something so vast, so inimical to your very existence, that your only option is how you face the death it chooses for you?"


    Hard to talk with Fuckface McGee standing on my chest, but I wheezed out, "slut."


    "What?"


    "Slut. Not whore. Slut." I shook my head and, making the ultimate final effort for such an important task, said, "you dumb fucks always get that wrong."


    He opened his mouth. I''m not sure what he was gonna say. Something awesome and intimidating about how powerful and big his dick was, probably. I''ll never know, because that''s right when the me who''d been standing atop the mast of the Black Dragon, sucking Mana from the me in M-Space, stepped to the edge of his Miasma Ward and dropped the biggest fuckin'' Smite I''d ever done into his Miasma.


    So sad, his big dick speech got cancelled in favor of a long, drawn out, agonized screaming. His bodyguard screamed along with him, hyper violet gaseous ichor streaming out of their mouths and eyes. Maybe their noses, too, although if Temu dot com Gandalf was any indication, the Undead followed Voldemort''s face care regimen or some shit like that. So there was some nasty glow there, but very little flow.


    Then the Smite ran its course. The Miasma Ward held. Eggshell thin, eggshell fragile, but it held. Dipshit diviner wheezed out a laugh, then loomed over me again. "Your pitiful Mana Shapes are no..."


    Then, from M-Space, I hit him again. This time with all the Mana Mimic could focus.


    He burned. He burned hard. He screamed as he burned, first incoherent shrieks of pain, but when the Miasma shrank to where I could see the edges of it racing towards us, he yanked something incorporeal from his bodyguard and hissed at me. "The Master will see you fall, Whore!"


    Then his head burned off, and he finally fuckin'' stopped the ''whore'' bullshit. Hell, at this point I was barely even a slut, thanks to my fuckin'' fuckin'' disability. Of course, right about then Jumbo Senior decided to scrape me off his boot. He leaned onto me, my ribs cracking as his weight bore down.


    Then a half dozen Maries arrived and gave him a very short, sharp education in what it was like to be the least Skilled participant in a six on one spontaneous Sparagmos.


    "Thanks... Mittens." I managed to croak out. "Onna Dragon."


    She nodded, and I collapsed back to one of me standing on the mast of the Black Dragon, moaning gently. Then I remembered I still had a job to do, the other reason I got the big bucks and the nice apartments and millions of screaming fans pouring more Worship into me than I knew what to do with. I stepped to our end of the alley, worked my mouth to make sure it was working right, and growled out, "okay, who''s in charge here?"


    A dark skinned Calverton Soldier raised a shaking hand. A moment later I had her pinned to the wall. "Good girl." Then I lost myself in her mouth. When I came up for air, at least half of her hesitation had been replaced by anticipation, and I was too hurt and tired and angry and I grabbed her and stepped...


    Her fucking shirt wouldn''t move. I grabbed two handfuls and yanked, tearing it apart, little rings of metal flying everywhere. She stared at me, wide eyed and panting, and I tackled her onto my new bed. I pulled back, the faintest tingle of guilt nipping at me. Kitten? Mittens? Shack.


    My Kitten pulled the Soldier''s head into her lap as Marie held my shoulders, that tiny pressure enough to hold back the avalanche that I''d become. Saffron looked down and said, "would you rather have a different reward for your faithful obedience to the Champion''s will?" The Soldier jerked her head from side to side. Saffron mock frowned at her, a smile obviously teasing the edges of it. "So you would sip from the Imperator''s cup then? Say it, Soldier."


    "Y-y-yes."


    My tiny tyrant looked up at me and said, "so, reward her."


    So I did.


    A while later, after dropping the Soldier off with her unit, topless, blushing, and still lifting her fists triumphantly as her subordinate Soldiers cheered for her, I lay there with Wifey and Wifey-to-be. "Ow." Saffron nodded, and Marie flipped me over and started working her claws across my back. "Oh, fuck, that hurts so good. Never stop."


    "Love, I know you''re not anywhere near recovered. You''ve barely had a chance to even catch your breath. But the little ones would like to see you before they go to sleep."


    I shook my head as I realized that it was, in fact, bed time. Late bed time. I shook my head to clear it a little, did the ''insta-clean'' trick on myself for the first time in I don''t know how long, and dropped one of me into the bedroom at Lancaster House.


    A wave of concerned tots shrieking ''mama'', along with one maybe ''papa'', bowled me over. I discovered that I was not susceptible to smothering by spawn, as they all wriggled in until all of them could touch me somehow, then one at a time dropped off to sleep.


    "Ain''t that a thing."


    Saffron slipped her arms and legs around me, laying her head against my chest. "I love it when you smile like that."


    "Like what?"


    "Like you do when you look at our children, love."


    Saffron snickered at me in the morning while we did the morning dump, douse, dress routine. I didn''t...


    She nodded. Right in the middle... so inconsiderate, she teased.


    Sorry.


    Oh, don''t be. We consoled ourselves and each other in our time of need.


    I snorted. Both? Thirsty much?


    So thirsty. Parched, after watching you with Sergeant First Class Vickerson.


    Oh. Oh, shit. I thought about for a moment. Apparently, for whatever fucked up reason, grabbing some near rando off the street when I needed to slake the rage lust hadn''t triggered my whole fucking problem. Or, much like with the Wisdom Clergy couple, I''d been horny enough to override that shit. Shack conference please?


    A moment later she looked down at me where I lay on the bed, my knees hooked over the edge. "Boy please?" He stood there, Grinning, reacting to me even as I watched. I so fucking wanted... "Fu-hu-hu-huck."


    She sighed and lay down where she could cuddle up next to me. "Still no joy?"


    I put an arm around her. "Nope."


    "Better or worse?"


    I sighed, manhandled her around to dangle over me, knees against mine. "Boy?"


    He folded his arms as he poked at me. I''d misjudged the distance just a tiny bit. "This is most undignified."


    "Yeah, if I told you this is the only position you can stick it in me, you''d be all about dignity."


    "Debase me, Goddess."


    I laughed, but sighed, "girl, please."


    She sighed as well, then held her arms out. I lowered her into a hug. "Well, it still sucks to the point where I kinda wanted to vomit with you attempting entry through my bellybutton, but I could joke about it rather than curling in a ball and screaming. So... progress?"


    She hummed as she nuzzled into my chest. "Progress."


    "You sure you''re not going to get tired of waiting for my dumb ass?"


    "I have never been more certain."


    "Or get jealous of all the dudes who get to pave the way?"


    She snickered, then pushed herself up to where she could smile down at me. "Not only do I get to experience each and every one with you, you are mine, and you have yet to disappoint me like this. And should I desperately need to test your current... capacity... I can always do this." She thwapped against my belly.


    "That fuckin'' thing is bigger than before. Isn''t it?"


    She giggled. "Guilty as charged. So, up for a challenge before we have to go to work for the day?"


    I smiled up at her. "What, you can''t keep going while you wrangle the Council? I thought you''d appreciate the stress relief."


    She pouted, wide eyed, and half-whimpered, "oh, my Goddess, forgive me. I was a very naughty girl, and lost myself to sensation rather than concentrating on learning new Skills."


    I frowned up at her for a bit, then, in my best ''pronouncement from on high'' voice, only slightly spoiled by her leaning over me, kneeling between my legs, intoned, "your punishment has been decided, wench!"


    She pressed her palms together in the absolute sluttiest ''prayer'' position I had ever personally seen and begged, "punish me, oh, Goddess."


    I buried my fingers in her hair, locked my ankles behind her, and growled, "get good, scrub."


    Just under an hour later, as we distributed hugs and kisses to the kids before heading off to work, she let out a shuddering sigh then, remaining arched backwards, blinked up at the ceiling for a moment before giggling, then crowing out, "DING!"


    I pulled her back down to kiss her as the sweat soaked sheets squelched beneath me. "Good girl." I breathed into her mouth.


    She grinned down at me. "So, does your most faithful Priestess get a reward?"


    "Of course!"


    Her eyes got real big, and I could not fucking tell how much of it was fake and how much was real. Right then I absolutely did not give a fuck, either, because it was fucking adorable. "What''s my reward?"


    It was also adorably fuckable. "I''m gonna go with tradition on this one. So your reward for a job well done is more work, of course."

 Day Three Hundred And Ninety-Five

    Dear Diary,


    "I think the healthy way to live is to make friends with the beast inside oneself, and that means not the beast but the shadow. The dark side of one''s nature. Have fun with it and you know, is to accept everything about ourselves."


    - Anthony Hopkins


    Okay, yeah, look, Mister Hopkins, I loved you in Silence of the Lambs. Probably modeled myself way too much on your portrayal of Hannibal back during my pizza cutter phase. But I gotta say that the beast inside myself, my shadow, my dark side, is not healthy in any way, shape or form. I really don''t think I should be having fun with her. Crazy bitch would eat half the world before I could stop her, and don''t even get me started on, y''know, tentacles.


    Then again, maybe I''m not really hearing your point. Maybe part of why I have so much trouble controlling the melanistic orange tabby of unusual size is that I don''t accept her. I try to block her out, try to pen her in. Try to say she''s not really me.


    Because the times when we''re in synch? Shit gets done. Primordials and Goddesses alike get themselves taught lessons, or turned to squishy ash and eaten. Undead burn.


    Kids live.


    Shit. I definitely have to maybe get my act together, just for that last one. Also, while I totally understand your portrayal, I''ve met the asshole in question, and you gave Odin way too much credit.


    So yesterday while my beautiful little Kitten taunted me by shouting, "DING!" with decreasing yet still disheartening regularity through the day, I stood watch, refereed the kids, and let Maze read to me. Saffron told me in no uncertain terms that our Love Shack Sapphic Shenanigans were as active as I was allowed to be for the rest of the week, what with dying four times the day before, and the only thing preventing that from being five was the intervention of Marie and me collapsing back into myself. Only one red flag, and Olga not only took care of that one, she did so in less time than it took her to jog over to the spot. Personally, I think I may have rewarded throwing red flags maybe a little too much, but fuck it. Oh, no, my people have tried to game the system designed to keep them safe in order to try and have wild sex with me. I''m sure I had a fuck around here to give about that. Wait, no, sorry, gave that one to Sergeant First Class Vickerson Tuesday night.


    Huh. Finally acclimated enough to think of the night before Tuesday as Tuesday night. Still not calling it Tyrsday though. Fucker insulted my son.


    When we went to put her book away, Maze looked up and said, "are you mad?"


    I shook my head. "No! Why did you think so?"


    "You''re very quiet today. My... my papa told me when he was quiet, it was because he was mad, but didn''t want to be mad at me, so he stayed quiet."


    I smiled down at her and booped her nose. "Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, but I''m not that good of a mama or a papa, I guess. I get a loud kind of angry when I get angry. Not that I''d ever get angry with you."


    "Why not?"


    I shrugged. "You''re a kid. If you fuck up, it''s either because you didn''t know any better, or because somebody taught you wrong when they did. You''re definitely not old enough or experienced enough to start picking apart everything you''ve been taught and deciding whether it''s something you want to keep as part of the core of you, something that works for what it does but you''ll replace if you find better, or complete bullshit that you''d rather do without than keep."


    She frowned up at me. "I''m not stupid."


    I shook my head, a little mad now, but entirely at myself. I tried unsuccessfully to smother my frown, then squatted down next to her to look her in the eye. "I never said you were. Never thought you were. Stubborn as fuck, but that pretty much describes me as well, so I can''t throw stones and shit. But smart doesn''t mean adult."


    She cocked her head, thought a second, and said, "Does that mean adult doesn''t mean smart?"


    I pulled her in for a hug, laughing. "See, I said you were smart."


    "Then why does everybody say I have to listen to the adults?"


    I thought about that for a second. Mostly because I had to squash that sudden spike of panic at the thought that, ''holy fuck, I am the adult''. Again, since I pretty much low key panicked every time some situation reminded me.


    You, Tabitha Diaz, are growing into an adult I am proud to call my Daughter.


    Thanks, Boss. You''re the best. Even if you have started with the Dad Jokes.


    I know.


    "Okay, so you know how sometimes the little kids will do something that just seems dumb?" She nodded, brows beetling. "Okay, how do you know it''s dumb?"


    "It just is."


    I booped her nose. "That''s a cop out, Maze. You''re smarter than that. How do you know something is dumb?"


    To her credit, she thought about it, frowning the whole time. "I... think about things?"


    I realized just then that I had the perfect example. "Okay. Yeah, that''s not a bad start, but think about this. If you got really, really mad at me, mad enough you wanted me dead again, would you try to drown me?"


    She shook her head. "No!"


    "Why not?"


    "That would be dumb!"


    I nodded. "Fair, but why?"


    She rolled her eyes. "Because you can''t drown."


    "Okay, good. Now, since it''s so dumb, why did you try it in the first place?"


    She shrugged. "Because I didn''t... oh!"


    I looked over at Saffron. "We''re screwed." When she looked over at me, I said, "we''ve got two kids that take after you in the smarts department."


    The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    Saffron smiled, shutting down her coding windows as she stood and walked over to us. "Three." At my questioning look, she said, "I take it you''ve never spoken with Daya?"


    I sighed. "I think she thinks I''m gonna eat her or something."


    Saffron stepped us back to the Lancaster House Suite. When Maze skipped off ahead to dinner, Saffron pulled me over and, after collapsing the two of us in the Love Shack and kissing me to keep me from feeling some kind of way about missing another potential ''DING'', put her mouth next to my ear. "You have a bit of a reputation among the Dan, and with Calverton. She may very well think you will eat her if she displeases you."


    I slumped. "Fuck. Fucking fuck. I don''t want to scare her."


    "Well, then, maybe you should do something about the pain?" I frowned at her. "You don''t even realize, do you?"


    "Realize what?"


    She took my hand and led me toward the door. "While you have yet to even raise your voice to the children, when you''re in pain your face is an absolute thunderhead."


    "Oh, shit. Fuck. Dammit. I try so fuckin'' hard not to let it affect the kids..."


    She stopped, took both of my hands in hers, and waited until I looked her in the eye. "And you do not. Not in any way you can control. You are patient and sweet and it is, as you would say, fucking adorable."


    I smirked, "kinda wish it was more adorably fuckable."


    She bounced my smirk back with interest. "Whenever did I imply that it is not. But for now, you are on, as I''ve heard you say, ''light duty'' until you are no longer in pain."


    I sighed. "I... I can''t, Kitten."


    Her back straightened, and the Imperator spoke. "You will relax and rest or tell me why, now, Champion."


    I slumped, then dropped to my knees right there on the balcony. "I never stop hurting," I whispered.


    "What?"


    I stared at the floor, muttering. "The scars. Even after Dad does everything he can. Even in the midst of the euphoria from the Worship on my birthday. They never stop hurting."


    She reached down and cupped my cheeks in her hands, pulling my face up to look at her. "Oh, my beloved Goof, my Goddess, why did you not tell me?"


    I tried to smile up at her. My lips quirked, at least. "I... I did. I thought I did. Every time Maze tried to drown me. Every time I''ve channeled more Mana than I really should. Pretty much any time I hold enough that shit starts glowing. They hurt. I mean, most of the time it''s an ache, not, like, a spikey knifey pain. But they hurt. Always."


    She shook her head, a sad smile on her lips. "Goof, saying, ''this makes my scars feel better'' is not the same as telling me, ''I am in constant pain''."


    I twitched my shoulders. "It''s not much most of the time."


    She shook her head. "Not much is not the same as none. You are going on light duty until we figure this out."


    I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders, and said, "I. Can''t."


    She sucked at her teeth. "And why are you disobeying your Imperator, my Attack Dog?"


    I smiled up at her, though it drowned, fast, as the expression twisted one of my scars. "Who dies?" She shook her head, confused. "Who dies, so I can ''rest''? Marie? Vickerson? Swanson? Olga? Weyson? Okay, maybe Weyson, but..." I shook my head. "I''ve tried to cut back to just shit only I can do. But there is shit that Only I Can Do. If anybody else tries that shit, even Marie, they''re gonna fuckin'' die."


    She frowned, almost pouting. "I hate to say this, but even if is the only one of her, she will rise again the following dawn."


    "Will she?" I whispered. "If some Undead Mage Asshole drains the life from her because she springs a trap set for me, will she get up again?"


    She grabbed my chin and pulled my face up to hers. "A what?"


    "A trap. Set for me. I mean, I''m pretty fuckin'' sure that''s what happened."


    She shook her head. "No. No, love, I don''t think so."


    "Oh, really? You don''t think so? Then what the fuck else is your explanation?"


    She glared at me for a moment. "Keep your voice down, or whether you will it or no you''ll scare the children. May I see?"


    I took a deep breath, shrugged, and muttered, "Go ahead." Now that I knew to, I dunno, look for something, I felt her ruffling through my memories.


    She smiled fondly up at me. "You are such a Goof, even in this." Then she frowned again. "No. No, love, I think you''re wrong. You were merely a target of opportunity."


    "Really?"


    "Really." A moment later we stood in the Practice Yard, stars dusted across the sky above us. "They sprung this ambush on Monday."


    It took me a moment. She let me put the pieces together on my own. When they finally clicked, rage washed over me. My skin burned, and I reveled in it. I would find whatever remained of that fucking Mage and use his asshole as a sock puppet for the biggest, spikiest tentacle I had. I would stuff one of his eyes into his mouth and then force him to eat tanning slop and pig shit. I would spend all eternity torturing his Soul to the point where it fell to pieces, then put the pieces back together and do it again. I would fucking create more time just to torment him more.


    "TABITHA!"


    I blinked, looking around the room. The Library, actually, although dust filled the air. My beautiful High Priestess stood beside me, clung to me, staring into my eyes. "Saffron?"


    "First of all, I''m afraid you cannot harm him further. From your memories, his Soul is gone, burned to ash by Mimic herself." She shrugged. "You might have eaten him. Well, eaten what remained of his dusted Soul. Sort of like saying you ''ate'' ash, but still. Gone."


    "He. Had. A. Master."


    She nodded. "And in due time, when we find him, he is yours, my Goddess. But, should I tell you to stop..."


    I frowned down at her. "Why would you deny me?"


    She smiled up at me. "Because the Master might have his own Master. Because you might hurt yourself, and he is not worth that. Because you might scare the children."


    My eyes slipped shut. "You would use our children against us?"


    She shook her head. "No, love. But he might." She sighed. "Will you trust that my wrath runs as deep as yours?"


    I shook my head, opening my eyes, lifting her lips to mine, her cheeks cupped in my hands. "No, my Kitten. It. Does. Not." I kissed her, savage hunger given form. "But you can control it. Make it work for you. Make mine work for us. He suffers."


    "In every way I can conceive of, beloved Goddess." I stood there, inhaling Mana and the scent of my love, exhaling fury. Eventually she said, "Goddess?"


    "Woof."


    "Can we go home? The children are ready for bed."


    I stepped us home, and my eyes sought out my little horse girl. "Maze? Any chance you could see your way clear to helping me with a bath tonight?"


    "Yes!" She pranced toward the bathroom door.


    Marie came over to us, and I pulled her lips down to mine. I desperately needed the feel, the sound, the smell and taste of her filling my senses. When I finally let her pull away, she asked, "who?"


    "The so called ''Master'' of Calverton."


    "Why?"


    I Co-Located to the plateau of Olympus and drove a goddamned Mana Blade into the fucking mantle. Then burned the words ''Ares'' Asshole'' into the nearest mountainside before I collapsed back into myself.


    I looked up into her wondering eyes. "You."


    You... Vlickies... This... For me?


    I nodded, and moving like I was made of spun sugar she lifted me and carried me to the bath. She and Maze filled it up around me, the boiling water flashing to steam where it touched my skin until the entire room became a sauna. Marie stood there, panting a little, and I said, "Sorry."


    She clutched at my face, kissing me. "No. Never. Not. For. This."


    I pulled her down to me, and she knelt beside the tub as Maze finished filling it.


    Right as Marie tossed her uniform aside and climbed in with Maze and I, Saffron shepherded the rest of the kids into the bathroom. Marie gave her a look, but Saffron just said, "you think any of our children can drown, now?" Marie glanced over at Liam, and Saffron smirked. "Or that I am insufficiently greedy to claim all of them as ''ours'' in this?"


    What about the office door? I thought.


    "What office door?"


    So we all slept in the bathroom. Fuck it, I''ve done weirder shit for worse reasons.


    Mimic... Mimic loomed over Calverton, a living hurricane of epic proportions waiting to be unleashed. Her Kraken poured from the bay into the Patapsco River. Some Undead and Hole Spawn had been hiding there. There were no survivors.


    In the morning, Marie and Saffron both told me on no uncertain terms that I was to do nothing but what they told me, when they told me, until I''d gotten back to at the very least a pre-Tuesday Night level of fucked up. So other than sitting on our Academy bed with Maze reading to me, I did dick all today. Saffron filled in on the mast and with the kids. She and Marie also forced me to play pillow princess in our new bed, pumping me so full of endorphins and concentrated Worship that I lost track of unimportant things like time, space, and causality.


    Is it weird that I kinda liked Maze reading me Pratchett just as much?

 Day Three Hundred And Ninety-Six

    Dear Diary,


    "Attention to health is life''s greatest hindrance."


    - Plato


    Yeah, well, fuck you too, shadow boy. Pretty much every day since the Walls I''ve ignored all the faint pulls that come from my scars. Since the Spring Equinox I''ve ignored the aches and spikes of pain as well, because that''s just what you fuckin'' do when shit needs to get done. Any given week lately I''ve grit my teeth and bore the general malaise and haze of pain that accrues when I die, even if the death itself wasn''t particularly painful or traumatizing.


    Yeah, some deaths are less traumatizing. Shot in the eye? That shit is over before I realize, and it stings like a bitch, but I cannot stress enough how much less traumatizing it is than, say, getting smeared across a rooftop by somebody scraping me off the bottom of their boot like particularly noxious shit. Honestly I''d rather be crushed to death than smeared slowly. Which some small pre isekai part of me is screaming about now, that I not only have died enough times to have a list of fuckin'' ways to die, but I''ve experienced some of them enough to categorize them into better and worse. Hell, it''s not even ''good / bad'', it''s a whole ranked list.


    But right now I am definitely in a lot of fuckin'' pain, so even though I''ve got that niggling little voice in my head telling, sniping, needling, screaming at me to get my lazy ass up and get to work, I''m listening to the pain, paying attention to my health, and doing what my wife and gonna be wife tell me to do. It probably helps that every time they notice me stopping myself from moving more than it takes to shift to a more comfortable position one or both of them breathe, "good girl," into my ear. So I''m gonna keep paying attention to my health, and if you don''t like it, you can kiss my entire ass.


    So yesterday I literally laid around in bed all day. Twice. Once with Maze while she read to me, and I''m kinda embarrassed to admit this, but I don''t know what she read me. I mean, Tiffany Aching, Pratchett, yeah, but I couldn''t tell you which book at this point. Too much hurt, too much relaxing to the sound of her voice. What was going on with the other me lying in bed definitely didn''t help my concentration either. On the other hand the endless waves of endorphins, both from Saffron and Marie demonstrating their Wifely Skills on me as I lay there like a marginally reactive lump, and from them whispering praise and affection in my ears, smoothed all the spiky shards of pain into something manageable.


    Hell, by the end of the day it had moved far enough into manageable that they let me get up and participate in getting the kids ready for bed. Okay, my job pretty much devolved to filling the little cup for the kids who couldn''t reach, but that''s not exactly high stress. When we finished, they dumped me in the tub and everybody who wasn''t boiling in the pot with me curled up on the mattress and blankets Marie carried in from the bedroom. Okay, she carried the mattress in from there. The blankets came out of the armoires, some of which wound up standing open, because kids went back for more. Interesting thing that we''ll probably need to remember when building our house; building underground winds up with some cool-ish rooms, and little kids need more blankets and warm stuff. Less body mass, they chill faster, that kind of thing.


    Mimic stalked three sides of Calverton, smashing painfully at tiny pockets of stench until they went away, revolted by something just beyond where she could or would go. Her Kraken prowled the waterways of Calverton, angry rainbows radiating fury.


    During bath time I mostly patted the kids dry, or even just held the towel and let them rub against it. They didn''t seem to mind too much, and I even got very gentle hugs from a few of them. I wasn''t sure if I liked all the spun glass treatment, but it definitely made me feel sorta melty to have the kids who I normally had to chase down and scoop up to dry being so gentle with me. Once we had everybody clean, dry, and dressed, Marie stepped them all through folding the piled blankets up and putting them away. Really cute the way she taught them how to fold everything.


    Just about then I realized something I desperately wanted to see about seeing next time I had enough get up and go to steal something from Eastside. Marie versus fitted sheets.


    When we had everything put away, Maze stayed back and asked me, "are you sure you want to read with me today?"


    I cocked my head and replied, "why wouldn''t I?"


    "You''re hurting so much."


    I chuckled. "Yeah, I am, but... reading with you helps."


    "Really?"


    I nodded. "Yeah. It... sometimes I can get carried away into the story. I''m not thinking me, I''m thinking Tiffany. Other times not so much, but even then hearing you read, watching you... it reminds me why I''m all fucked up." She looked shocked, and I realized my mouth had let out the verbal equivalent of a messy shart without intending to. "You didn''t do this. Not you, not any of the other kids. But more than anything else you guys are why I fight, why I throw myself in when nobody sane would even try. To keep you safe, to give you a little better world than I grew up in."


    "But..." She petered off, and I picked her up, ignoring the ache and snuggling her for a moment.


    "Nobody forces me, horse girl. I do it because I want you guys to be safe. Because I want you guys to have that better world. That''s part of being an adult, a part that makes me happy."


    I got a hug back, and then she squirmed out and guided me down to breakfast. She even stuck around and fed me sausages.


    Meanwhile, over in the Love Shack, Marie lay me gently on the bed, which definitely had the nicest mattress I can remember like, ever, not to mention some really nice sheets. I don''t know from thread count other than ''higher is better'', but these things must have been high, because holy shit they were smooth and soft and just incredible. Thinking about the kids and blankets the night before, I asked, "hey, I dunno if we''re gonna need ''em, but are there blankets somewhere in here?"


    Saffron shook her head, and Marie said, "No."


    I frowned. "What about the drawer?" Both of them snickered. I sighed, but mostly because I had to hide my sudden desire to know more, lest it be conveyed into a scramble to look for myself. "Okay, show me."


    Marie helped me scoot down enough that I could see the floor past the foot of the bed via the ceiling mirror. When she had me positioned, she looked at Saffron and said, "ready."


    "Okay then. First the top drawer." She slid it open.


    "Wow. That''s... wow. Wait, are those leather? Like, real, new leather?"


    Saffron lifted the items in question out, and Marie held them out for me to see. Every time I tried to push myself up, she lowered them further, until I got to sniff at the lengths of leather in her hand. "Oh, fuck, that smells so fuckin'' good. Shame it''s probably gonna snap at some point."


    My Kitten shook her head, grinning. "Conrad assures me it will not."


    I looked at the midnight black leather and something clicked. "Oh, shit. I don''t know if that''s horrifying or hot."


    She shook her head and sighed. "Knowing you, probably both."


    "I think it''s the same leather as on my rope darts, and my sword staff grips."


    Marie took that opportunity to practically inhale the leather herself, and by her grin she knew exactly what I meant, because she is absolutely the kind of freak to see no line between ''horrifying'' and ''hot''. "Where did the two of you get that from again?" asked Saffron.


    "It''s Mimic-hide."


    She swallowed. "Tabitha?"


    "Yes, Saffron?"


    "I suddenly viscerally understand your complaint that some of your urges verge on too dark."


    I barked out a laugh, then groaned as I said, "verge on?" She looked at me, completely unaware she''d blepped. I shook my head. "Yeah, let''s put a pin in that for now."


    "Oh! We have those!" She scrambled to the other end of the drawer while Marie put the, apparently, Mimic-hide restraints away in their cushioned slot. "Here, see!" My Kitten held up what looked like an entire bandolier (one guess what it was made of) of long, thin needles. "For... what''s it called? Oh, yes, acupuncture!"


    "Acupuncture."


    She nodded, very much a kid with a new toy. "I''ve read that it can speed healing, not to mention interrupt nervous signals to deaden pain." She looked up at me, eyes heavy-lidded. "Or amplify them, for whatever reason you''d want to do that." She pulled one out, the tip glinting in the light. "Shall we try?"


    I chuckled. "Yeah, no, let''s put the new toys away. I''m really not in any condition to appreciate them at the moment."


    This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    "Aww... as you wish." When she had the bandolier back in place, she paused with her hand on the drawer. "May I make one request? Since these are all, technically, part of your birthday present?"


    I sighed, "fine, but I get to watch. Like, actual watch, not just get the sensory feed."


    She smiled at me, "how voyeuristic! But since you say so," she reached in and snagged a ring that she slid onto her middle finger before sliding the drawer shut.


    "Do I even want to ask? Also, if it''s supposed to be for me, why is it sized for you?"


    Saffron immediately got her nerdiest nerdgasm look and said, "Oh! It''s something I''d heard of, but never seen before. Of course Conrad knows the Artificery to make it happen, but it pulls mana from your Aura as you put it on, and uses that Mana to resize itself to fit snugly without binding."


    I blinked a little. "That is pretty fuckin'' cool. What is it, a ring of bigger boobs or something?"


    She smirked at me. "You really think I need one of those?"


    I shrugged, trying not to wince, since that would only set up a wince-at-wincing cycle. "I mean, if you told me you''d had one since we met, I''d say it explained a lot."


    She raised an eyebrow. "That sounds suspiciously like a complaint."


    I rocked my head back and forth. "Nope. Just pondering the origin story of the tatas of awesomeness. Sprained thumbs or not, they''re magnificent."


    Before Saffron could reply, Marie interrupted with, "Truth."


    Yeah, I definitely have a thing for making people blush. "Hey, pull me down just a little?" Saffron took hold of my ankles where they dangled just off the end of the bed and tugged until my knees cleared the edge. "Little further?"


    Looking at me suspiciously, she pulled while saying, "why?"


    "Keep going, keep going, right there." I lay with my back on the bed, arched just the tiniest aching bit from the weight of my legs as she set them down. "No, don''t set them down. Up, please?" She lifted, and I hooked my ankles over her shoulders and slipped my calves behind her back. "I really kinda wanted to hear you say, ''DING!'' some more."


    She tilted her head even as she pressed against me. "I thought you weren''t really ''into this''?"


    I smiled up at her, shrugging again. "Yeah, well. If you can''t get beef steak, tuna steak will have to do."


    She gawped at me for a second, outraged, then squeaked out, "tuna steak? I''ll show you tuna..."


    "Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow."


    "Oh, goddess, I''m sorry. Was that too rough, love?"


    "Yeah, no, ouch. Ouch fuck ouch internal damage ow." I shook my head; all of a sudden the minor pain from that didn''t seem so bad. "Yeah, no steak of any kind for your girl Tabitha. Dammit." I had a sudden bout of completely irrational anger and frustration. "FUCK! I really wanted to hear that number go up."


    Saffron knelt beyond the foot of the bed, looking at me in the mirror. "Don''t you mean watch?"


    "You''re okay with me Inspecting you?" She chuckled, then giggled, then fell over laughing. "What?"


    "Oh. Oh, love. While I admire your stance on privilege, that all must be equal before the law, do you think I would object if you," here she stopped, pushed herself upright, and added some real suggestive if slightly disturbing gestures. "peeled back all the layers of obfuscation and gazed upon that which is hidden from others?"


    I rolled my eyes. "Duh. Consent is important."


    She nodded. "As my Goddess wishes. I hereby consent to any and all Spells or Mana Shapes you wish to use upon my person, now and forevermore."


    "Uh, holy shit, Kitten. Extreme much?" She just stared at me. "Okay, yeah, dumb question. You realize now I''m tempted to find some kind of ''life altering orgasm'' Spell and drop it on you in the middle of a Council meeting just for shits and giggles, right?"


    "Turnabout''s only fair play," she sang.


    "Oh, thank you. Holy shit do the Happy Brain Chemicals help with the pain." When she leaned forward I grumped. "Still wanna watch number go up."


    The two of them shared one of those looks that made me forget we were not yet all bound by matrimony, and then Marie picked me up and carried me over to the divan. She took a minute to settle me in, propping me with pillows and settling me so I had a really nice view of the whole room, especially the lovely alternate equipment Kitten kneeling in the middle of it. Once she had me settled, she walked back over to the bed and reminded me of something I''d realized every time I''d seen a dedicated dancer move. Very little lit up the neurons like someone with absolute individual control over every muscle group in their body. She used that control to, her back to the bed, bend over backward until she slid into the position she''d picked me up from. Well, almost. Her calves were long enough her legs didn''t really dangle, so her back wasn''t forced into an arch. Then she shut down my higher brain functions for a second by, y''know, arching without being forced.


    Saffron saw that, rolled her eyes and shook her head. Then popped on Glowing Midnight''s boots and bonked Marie with a bolster. "Put that under your ass if you get tired of showing off."


    "Kitten?"


    She looked over her shoulder at me, Grinning. "Envious?"


    "Duh. But no, does Inspect update dynamically? Or do I have to recast it every time you shout ''DING!''?"


    She sniffed, then looked away, vaguely offended. "I have no idea whether the fraud''s so called Spell updates dynamically. Mine will, though."


    "You thought of that already? No, wait, what am I talking about. Of course you did. Nice."


    She blushed a little. Point to me. "I mean. It will. Now that you''ve mentioned it, of course I''m going to include it." Then, like she hoped to distract me, she stepped over to the bed and while I extruded an Inspect she, uh, got to power levelling.


    Turns out Franklin''s Inspect is just about as fuckin'' reliable as Saffron''s bitching would have me believe. The first two times she winked at me and called out, "DING!" Inspect updated. The third it didn''t, so I recast it to find that her Skill had, in fact, improved. After that it was pretty fuckin'' hit or miss for the rest of the day.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(126, 140, 141, 1)" width="443">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    NAME


    </td>


    <td width="276">


    Saffron Aetos


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    RACE


    </td>


    <td width="276">


    Hybrid


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    HYBRID


    </td>


    <td width="276">


    Bag (12.5%) / Human (87.5%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    AGE


    </td>


    <td width="276">


    Adult (<REDACTED>)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    ATTRIBUTES


    </td>


    <td width="276"> </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    STRENGTH


    </td>


    <td width="276">


    12


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    AGILITY


    </td>


    <td width="276">


    14


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    ENDURANCE


    </td>


    <td width="276">


    11


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    REASON


    </td>


    <td width="276">


    18


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    MEMORY


    </td>


    <td width="276">


    20


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    PERSONALITY


    </td>


    <td width="276">


    18


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    AFFINITIES


    </td>


    <td width="276">


    Air (6.25%) / Earth (9.375%)


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    PATRON


    </td>


    <td width="276">


    Mimic


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="276"> </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    STATUS


    </td>


    <td width="276">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    MANA SHAPING


    </td>


    <td width="276">


    23


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td>


    BLEND


    </td>


    <td>


    16


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    INSPECT


    </td>


    <td width="276">


    Fuck You, Shitstain Fraudster


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    ASSESS HEALTH


    </td>


    <td width="276">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    MANA WARD


    </td>


    <td width="276">


    12


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    MANA BLADE


    </td>


    <td width="276">


    20


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    CANOODLING


    </td>


    <td width="276">


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    ALARM WARD


    </td>


    <td width="276">


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    FILTRATION WARD


    </td>


    <td width="276">


    20


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td>


    RESEARCH


    </td>


    <td>


    20


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td>


    DRESS DOWN


    </td>


    <td>


    8


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td>


    CUNNING LINGUIST


    </td>


    <td>


    12


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td>


    COERCION


    </td>


    <td>


    10


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td>


    PERCUSSION


    </td>


    <td>


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td>


    FLAUTIST


    </td>


    <td>


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td>


    SWIFT FOOT


    </td>


    <td>


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td>


    STRONG ARM


    </td>


    <td>


    4


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td>


    COMPRESSION


    </td>


    <td>


    2


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td>


    PRECISION PENETRATION


    </td>


    <td>


    14


    </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td width="167">


    RACIAL SKILLS


    </td>


    <td width="276">


    None


    </td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    Look, I don''t know if Skills are named by the subconscious of the person doing the Inspecting, the person being Inspected, some kind of leftover aspect of certified horndog Master Artificer Benjamin Franklin, or some combination thereof, but I do know one thing.


    I might not actually survive getting over my block. But if I don''t?


    Worth.

 Day Three Hundred And Ninety-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    "To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear."


    - Buddha


    Okay, yeah, this one I can get behind, maybe. Taking care of myself not because I''m being lazy and shit, but because if I don''t heal up, next time I might not be able to stomp enough ass to save my beautiful Murder Mittens. I mean, I am lazy and kind of a shit, but that''s not why I''m resting up. Or, y''know, maybe it is, so it''s easier to pile drive the next piece of shit that tries to hurt my family into the core of the Earth and plug the hole with whatever falls out the bottom of them when they realize what I''m about to do to them.


    Yeah, I think that whole ''constant low grade pain'' might be getting to me. I sure as shit wouldn''t have done random tectonic property damage to Olympus just because some vaguely tangentially connected asshole ambushed my wifiest wife. Fucker. Yeah. Seriously wishing I had the Internet here and now, along with maybe a couple US Intelligence agencies to, y''know, tap ''the Master''s'' phone so I could find out where he was. Like, latitude and longitude are enough when you have the power of orbital mechanics on your side. I''m absolutely sure Vulcan wants to do that again, and equally sure that enough fire rocks will erase the Undead problem.


    I have no evidence for that latter, but thinking it makes me feel warm and gooey inside. Just like the Earth.


    So yesterday went smoothly. Finished up Wintersmith. Got to watch Kitten power level a Skill to intimidatingly high levels disturbingly fast. No red flags at all, from what Saffron and Marie told me. Then dinner time rolled around, and I discovered the unique flavor of pain from lying in the same position all day long without moving. Luckily I had two of me up, and the one with Maze had at least shifted around enough to keep her from getting uncomfortable. Unluckily, my situation reminded me that Translocation required some form of movement, no matter how minimal.


    As I worked my jaw to say something about Saffron or Marie giving me a hand, Saffron looked over at me with a particularly feral Grin and said, "ding."


    I cracked my jaw smiling, then said, "fifteen. Damn. Do you wanna tell me something?"


    She just blinked and tilted her head. "I love you?"


    I laughed, "no, I was talking about the whole ''you looking insanely hot as a guy, levelling up that skill stupid fast, being very alpha, are you maybe liking being a guy a little more than being a gal?"


    Her lips quirked up, and she took a step back, spun to face me and waggled her hips. Which had the expected effect on every part of her that could jiggle, which was, at present, all of them, I think. "Do I look like a man to you?"


    I laughed at the image, then managed to force out, "oh, put that thing away and come over here."


    She did exactly as I asked, although she definitely worked the sashay, and let me tell you, with Glowing Midnight''s boots there was a lot of sash in her shay. "I thought you weren''t up for anything, love?"


    "Yeah, really not. Wish I was, but," I shrugged. "Don''t worry about it. Today was fun."


    "More fun than yesterday?"


    I thought about it for a half second, doing the whole eye-squint, head tilt thing. "Y''know? Yeah, it kinda was. Not saying I liked it more, but fun? Oh, yeah. Just kinda wish there was a low enough impact way for me to join in."


    Her eyes lit up and she scrabbled at her hand. "There is!" She pulled off the ring she''d slipped on yesterday morning and slipped it onto my hand. She''d been exactly right, it slid on smoothly, then snugged down to fit my finger almost like a gentle hug. She slipped it back and forth a couple times; no matter where she let go, it snugged in nicely, but the moment she took a deliberate grip on it, it expanded and moved. "So long as you don''t want it to move, it won''t."


    "Okay?"


    "Now. Push some Mana into it."


    I did. A very familiar buzz filled the air and my finger, and a laugh forced its way out of me. "Oh. OH. Wow."


    "Wow indeed." Then she took my hand, stepped forward, and stared me right in the eye for a few minutes. I love her eyes. So fuckin'' beautiful. I could stare at them for hours on end. After a bit, though, she bit her lip and said, "we do have to get down to dinner though, I''m afraid."


    I smiled up at her. "Okay. One thing before we go?"


    "Anything, love."


    "How did you manage to get that Skill up so fast, anyhow? Fifteen ranks in two days. Isn''t that like, insane?"


    She giggled at me. "My Goddess commanded me. Let it be so."


    I laughed, but said, "okay, yeah, I did, but how though?"


    She shook her head and moved to perch on my lap. "Are you okay with this, love?"


    "Gently..." she lowered her half leather clad thighs into mine, and screw the pain, I slipped my arms around her waist. "Dammit, now part of me wants you to have just whomped that ass down."


    "Did you want me to?"


    "Oh, hell no. You just settle in and explain to your Goddess and loving wife how you went from ''I know nothing of this tool'' to ''be afraid, be very afraid'' in... what, thirty six hours, including sleep time?"


    She pouted at me. "Why would you be afraid?"


    "Because Marie hasn''t fuckin'' moved since you said, ''ding''?"


    At that point, while Saffron looked over like I''d just accurately accused her of eating all the sweets, Marie, still unmoving, groaned out, "Dead."


    "Oh, Goddess. Have I hurt you?"


    "Worth."


    Saffron tried to get up, but somehow I felt Marie laughing about her current condition which, if she was dead, was more little death than big. "Skills up how?"


    "Ah... Well. I have Skills to help."


    I blinked. "I didn''t see anything on your Status about ''learns like a goddamned fucking machine''."


    "Disappointed?"


    "Hardly. Now answer. I might need to learn how to do shit fast someday. Y''know, when it''s important."


    She turned back to face me fully, then cupped my face in her hands, leaned over, and kissed me. "You are important, love." When I opened my mouth to speak, she lay a finger across my lips. "No, that''s actually part of it. Let me finish?" I nodded. "Let me play while I do?" I frowned and shook my head. "Drat. At any rate, first and foremost Memory and to a lesser extent Reason affect Skill gains. Mine are... high."


    "No fuckin'' shit. ''High'', she says. Look, Snoop Dogg would be all ''damn, bitch, you too high."


    "I thought you were the bitch?"


    Stolen story; please report.


    "Woof. Go on."


    She nodded. "Skills frequently have some Attribute that also enhances Skill gains. In this case, Agility. Mine isn''t particularly high for a Hero, but it''s still high enough to help." I nodded, and she continued. "As you discovered, purely physical skills like this one can be enhanced by judicious Mana application, which also increases the Skill gain. When doing so, that increase to Skill gain is enhanced by the Mana Shaping Skill of the learner. The increase is small, but scales with Mana Shaping Skill."


    "Oh, shit. That would explain a lot."


    "I would, in any other City, likely be considered a ''Mage''. I am only not because Phileo has chosen to eschew such distinctions. This frustrates me slightly, but it has one enormous benefit to me personally."


    I pulled her in and nuzzled her while saying, "do tell."


    "As a Mage, I would likely have no particular enhancement of my physicality. As a Phileo Hero, my physical Attributes are enhanced, as you noted."


    "So you get more Agility to learn to use that thing faster?"


    She pulled me snug to her chest with her arms around my head. "And Strength, to hold you up despite my stature, and Endurance most of all, for when our positions inevitably reverse."


    "You aren''t taking hits for me, ever, Kitten."


    "Oh, I was thinking of taking them from you, Goof. And thrusts, not hits, but I wasn''t finished." I nodded. "Where was I?"


    "Like you''d forget with that Memory."


    She thwapped me atop my head. "Hush, you, it''s a figure of speech. Blend enhances learning, especially of relatively new skills. That boost has probably faded by now, but it certainly helped at the beginning. Related Skills are odd. They frequently slow Skill gains of related lower level Skills, but increase that of Skills of higher level."


    "Oh, so, Canoodling?"


    She nodded. "Canoodling. Cunning Linguist. Coercion. Percussion. Flautist. Compression."


    I goggled as she kept listing off skills. "Holy shit, Kitten. Are you trying to, like, outdo Marie in terms of sexy time Skills or something?"


    She smiled at me, a thing of deep satisfaction. "Oh, love. You are my Goddess, my wife, and my lover. I love you, and expressing that love is an intimate act of Worship. Why would I not seek to be as proficient as I can be?"


    My face heated. "How is Percussion even a sexy skill, anyhow?"


    She shrugged, and jiggle physics filled my vision. "It isn''t. But Precision Penetration benefits from the same rhythmic sense that Percussion does."


    "Oh. Yeah. I guess your other musical Skill would help with that too?"


    "Other musical Skill?"


    "Uh, Flautist?"


    She smiled wickedly. "Oh, well. Yes, that. I suppose I ought work that up too." She sighed, but smiled while she did it. "Ah, well, High Priestess or Wife, my work is never done."


    I booped her nose. "You love it."


    She smiled at me, nipping at my finger as I pulled it away. "I do!" Then she sighed and leaned against me a little.


    "Anything else?"


    "How do you mean? Oh! Yes, your command, my Goddess."


    "Whut?"


    She shook her head and laughed. "Sometimes I forget you come from a world where Deities do not exist. Where faith is, at most, an ephemeral thing of the mind. I am your Highest Priestess. You are my Goddess. Among other things, when you tell me to complete a task, I am literally empowered to do it."


    "Oh. Oh, shit. That''s... wow. I guess that''s better than being able to coerce you into things, but... why are you laughing?"


    "Love, I am your High Priestess. Just because you would not does not mean you could not."


    I shook my head. "I mean, just because we can do that freaky mind meld thing, and I do mean freaky in the best possible way, that doesn''t mean I can force you to, I dunno, do or not do shit."


    She hugged me to her. "It absolutely does, love. Oh, were you feckless like Aphrodite or Hermes, I might be able to resist you. But you are an elemental force of nature; I could quite literally defy the rage of a storm easier than stop you from, say, preventing me from doing this..." She slid a hand around to my ass.


    "Sixth!"


    She laughed and slid her hand back and forth, caressing me. "Oh, I''m well aware of your preference love. But should I try to override it, you could, and would, stop me."


    "Nope."


    She closed her eyes, applied a little pressure. "Of course you could."


    "Could. Wouldn''t. Way too close to removing your Agency."


    She froze. "You would let me?"


    "I''d be a little upset. Maybe a lot upset. Probably get Big Mad, especially if I told you no and you did anyway. I mean, let''s face it, you''d bribe the shit out me and by next week I''d forget about it, but yeah. I''d let you."


    "You''d even be upset if it were sixth?"


    I laughed at her. "You mean after the piercings I don''t have?"


    She lowered her lashes, slow blinked at me, then breathed out, "you will."


    "Oh, shit. I''m in danger."


    "Not until Ledger day."


    My entire body twitched at that, and that shit hurt. "Are you really gonna hurt me?"


    She smiled. "No more than you enjoy, love."


    I looked at the mirrors, enjoying how I could, without turning my head, see Saffron''s profile, her front, and her back all at once. "Why do you think I like that? Like, I''m not looking to flirt, I''m really wondering. Is it some kinda sign I''m fucked up or something?"


    She paused in thought, but before she could respond, Marie said, "No."


    Saffron followed that with, "I think it may have been what led you to seek pain in the first place, love, and it may make you seek it out at times now, but no, I think Marie is right."


    "Then why the fuck do I like it?"


    Marie flopped her head around to sort of face us. "Spice."


    Saffron nodded. "Yes. Do you understand?" When I tilted my head from side to side, she asked, "may I demonstrate?"


    "Sure."


    "Warm bread." She lay a hand over my breast. "Butter." She gently moved that hand around. I was absolutely down for food-sex metaphor explanations, so I nodded and kept my fuckin'' mouth shut. "Eggs." Her fingertips applied the faintest friction, and my nips stiffened in response. I might have started drooling a little bit too. "Spice." She pinched. Not hard. Didn''t need to. Fully body twitch, which reminded me why I hadn''t just collapsed down to dinner.


    "Okay. Yeah. I get it. Yeah. Yup. Also ow."


    She lay her palm back against me, her other hand cupping my cheek, "I''m so sorry, love. I didn''t mean to hurt you."


    I chuckled at that. "Really?"


    She smiled and patted my cheek. "Not by accident." The feel of mint trickled through my cheek, spread outward from my breast. "Better?"


    "Oh, yeah. Dinner?"


    "We''re fashionably late, but certainly."


    With Saffron taking care of transportation, the four of us showed up to some gentle ribbing about losing track of time, which segued into questions about my health when they saw me stagger in like a geriatric. I let Saffron field those, and let Menace feed me. I think she felt some kinda way about Maze doing it the other day. Oh, no, I have two kids who both are doting on me when I''m injured! Such a tragedy! Anyway, here''s Wonder Wall.


    Played cup filler, then everybody piled into the bathroom, with a couple of us in the tub. Maze very grudgingly let Marie sleep outside the tub, which left enough room for Menace and a very wide eyed Daya to join us. Once Menace got in, Liam followed her, braving my side eye. Then Alex piled in, and Saffron put a stop to it, letting everyone know that they could have a turn tomorrow. Honestly, even though it left less hot, buoyant water surrounding me, I couldn''t care less. More cuddle better sleepy.


    Mimic remained pissed as fuck at Calverton, her Kraken even waiting near the shoreline to snag Undead to a watery end.


    In the morning, after a night of soaking, I felt good enough to maybe do some actual toweling. Nothing like the fluffy drypocalypse Marie used to hit me with after baths, but enough that all the kids got dry, their hair barely damp. Then, once Saffron and I got each other clean, by which I mean I helped with her hair and did a little playful scrubbing while she actually banished the dirt with soap, water, and scrubby cloth, Marie plucked me out, toweled me down, and showed the kids how to brush hair using me as a training dummy. Weirdest time to discover that my hair is, in fact, strong enough for any one of them to put their weight on the comb without hurting me. Okay, my abs and back hurt holding me upright, but my scalp didn''t hurt.


    Today Maze and I started on I Shall Wear Midnight. She''s getting a little better, a little faster at reading, but my adorable little horse girl still pauses after every sentence, glancing at me to make sure she pronounced everything right. I realized early on today that she was also pausing to make sure I kept up. Good kid.


    Meanwhile back in the Love Shack, Saffron arranged me at the edge of the bed, pretty much the same spot Marie had been yesterday. "Where''s Marie?"


    "She''s busy with some needlework, I think. No matter. I''ve some work to do on my Skills"


    I winced a little in memory. "I''m not sure I''m up for that, Kitten."


    She tilted her head, then smiled. "Oh, my Goddess. Must I concentrate exclusively on that single Skill still?"


    I shrugged, not exactly following. I mean, my lady bits were salivating at the kinda daunting prospect of someone with a fucking fourteen Skill at boy part using, but my guts were not actually ready to be recreationally rearranged. "Nah. You do you, boo."


    She frowned. "I don''t think I have a Skill for that, love. Besides, I wanted to do something to make you feel better."


    I''d snorted a little at her comment about not having a Skill for self-service, then shrugged. "Okay. You are hereby commandmented to spend today raising whatever Skills you think will benefit us the most here in our little slice of heaven."


    She smiled down at me, then frowned. "Hmm... not quite." She scampered around behind me and pulled me back until my calves dangled over the edge of the bed, my knees hooked over the padded corner. She looked down my front and said, "perfect." Then she scooted off the bed, popped on Glowing Midnight''s boots, then bent over the bed, laying her stomach flat against the mattress. My brain kinda shut down at that point, because not only does my wife have fuckin'' curves for days... heels. Butt in air. Back arched. Boobs arch back more. Brain overload, Tabitha.exe shutting down for maintenance.


    She looked sideways, her eyes lined up just a little below my bellybutton, tapped her teeth, then nodded. "Excellent." Then she shifted over, resting her chest against my thighs, fluttered her lashes at me from down by my waist, and shut my fuckin'' brain down completely with two eagerly obeyed words.


    "Boy, please."

 Day Three Hundred And Ninety-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    "The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse."


    - Edmund Burke


    I read this one a little while back, but my conversation with Saffron yesterday brought it to mind. One particular part of the conversation, at least. From what she told me, I can literally reach out and take over Saffron or Marie like puppets. That''s... so wrong. I mean, the intrusive thoughts are already thinking things like ''if she''s about to be beheaded by a rock you can see coming and she can''t, it would be right to make her duck''. Hell, part of me can''t believe it, and wants to walk them both to the Love Shack for proof, and is suggesting maybe walking them somewhere innocuous as a compromise, completely ignoring the fact that walking them around like puppets is the wrong thing I''m afraid of doing in the first place. Like ''non-sexual mind violation isn''t as bad as rape'' or some dumb shit like that, ignoring the fact that yeah, basic sexual assault might not be as traumatizing as using some dude as a Playtex Rubber Tentacle Condom and I totally was gonna do that if I could find that fuckin'' Undead fucker''s Soul.


    I''m an awful fucking excuse for a human being.


    Like, I keep trying not to be, and over and over the whole fuckin'' world seems out to convince me that the only way to stop the evil fuckers using the world like their own personal play pen and buffet, one where the cruelty and abuse isn''t even coincidental, it''s the fucking point, is to be worse than them. Fuckin'' Shit Pyramid again, and Her Dark Fatassness'' natural place is at the top of that goddamned thing. Because let''s be clear, that is a concept worthy of damning to whatever pits of dissolution exist.


    I don''t know if it''s better or worse that if I ask them, they''d both probably consent to me running them around like little playthings. Shit, add ''eagerly'' and maybe even ''blissfully'' and ''thirstily'' if I specified I was gonna use them as some kind of self-motivated Real Dolls or shit like that. Which is, at best, morally sketchy as fuck, and which is also, based on my reaction as I''m thinking about it, definitely on my ever growing list of neuron activators. I''m blaming the hypermelanistic orange tabby for this one. Which I shouldn''t. I should own my impulses, try and at least control them a little, but fuck, I''m not in any kind of shape to do that right now, I don''t think.


    So yesterday was another day of being lazy in beds. I mostly paid attention to Maze reading to me, talking with her when she seemed particularly worked up about something. I''d really forgotten that the later Tiffany Aching books had her getting kinda older. Not, like, Granny Weatherwax old, but Young Adult old, and despite her maturity, Maze was definitely still a kid. So some of the stuff went over her head, or hit her harder than it hit me. So we talked about stuff. Mostly about dealing with being scared, or when and how and who to talk with when she needed help. Honestly, most of what I said wound up being old platitudes about stranger danger and shit, which made me feel a little bad, but whenever I tried to really think up something better, I tensed up and hurt and had to shut up.


    Of course, through the day I got a constant influx of Happy Brain Chemicals, not to mention Worship, from my very favorite Highest Priestess. Gotta say, between the boots and the height of the bed and the mirrors, Conrad has earned a blessed gold star sticker. I think she likes me watching her in the mirrors, too. She certainly played to them whenever I managed to pry my eyes back open after, ah, endorphin spikes. Of course she also kept giggling and having me switch back and forth between boy me and girl me. By lunch I think I lost track of which was which. By the end of the day I just drifted in a pleasant complete forebrain shutdown haze, letting her do whatever the fuck she wanted, doing whatever she told me to. Good times.


    When we finished up for the day, Saffron told me they''d had another quiet day in Calverton. Not even a single red flag. This did not fill me with the copacetic feelings the way it ought have.


    I did feel some kinda way about knowing about the whole puppet thing, not to mention the whole bombshell about them being literally buffed when doing something I told them to do. Still, neither pain nor endorphins left me in a state good for thinking, so I decided to put all that off for morning, and lay down in a tub full of tots, while Marie and Saffron took the opportunity to snuggle up with the rest of the posse and horde hoard on and around the mattress in the middle of the floor. That was a mistake.


    Mimic Dreamt of settling back into the Bay, lurking rhythmically while her Kraken and High Priestesses marched into her ravenous maw. Marched like toy soldiers, in serried ranks, with no grace or thought or joy or passion and they did it again and again and I woke up screaming under the water, the only reason the children weren''t terrified awake being the water damping my voice to a burbling moan.


    Then Saffron and Marie were there, pulling me out, drying me off, pulling the other kids from the tub, drying them, and forming themselves and the swarm into a pile of warm, comforting bodies around me. I lay there, afraid to sleep, until it was time to get up for the day. The kids were oddly subdued, although I tried to smile and play as I dried them off. Menace held off on leading them down to breakfast until everyone was ready, and then she and Maze both walked up and glomped me. Then Alex and Lindsey, then Marie handed David and Daya into my arms. The rest of the posse crowded around, with Saffron and Marie behind them. I...


    I cried. In front of the kids, and I couldn''t even explain it. Not to them. How could I tell them that I could turn their mamas into dolls, into walking automatons with no more will than the fucking kettle? How could I tell them that the part of me I dreamt of would do that without thinking about it. Might even have done it already, and I would never know.


    I don''t know how long I stood there, but eventually Saffron and Marie both nudged their way closer until they both stood there, arms around me, holding me up. Like they always did, whenever I wasn''t enough, whenever I fell short, trying too hard to do something I shouldn''t have tried in the first place.


    Eventually, when I had nothing left to cry, they sponged my face off, and Saffron said, "Marie, I think it best if Tabitha takes her meals in the suite today." Marie simply nodded, and I felt her step one of her away, even as she kept an arm around me.


    Menace looked up from where she clung to my calf. "Can we stay?"


    Saffron glanced at me, then looked down at Isnomi. "Can you be quiet? Keep the games quieter?" At our little one''s nod, she said, "then of course you can, my girl. Everyone, let''s get Mama to bed."


    "Papa," grumped Maze, although it had a sound of humor to it.


    "Mama." Isnomi''s quiet pronouncement had the sound of the start of a fight, but Marie''s touched a single claw to each of their shoulders and, when they looked up, shook her head once. Then she reached over and picked me up, letting the girls dangle from my legs.


    The assorted legion of tots took great delight in feeding me fried chicken tendies and sausage. Saffron balked at me feeding her my waffle until Marie picked her up, set her on the bed next to me, facing me, so I could pick single bits up and put them in her mouth.


    "I''m supposed to be taking care of you."


    "This makes me happy, Kitten." She frowned at me, then opened her mouth wide. "Good girl."


    She swallowed as I ran my fingers down her throat. "Aren''t I supposed to be saying that to you?"


    I shrugged. "I wouldn''t be upset if you did."


    She snagged a sausage from Maze, held it out, and I proceeded to nom it all in one big bite, catching her fingertips gently in my teeth as I did. As memories of last night''s terror rushed back, her words hit my ears. "Good Girl. Very. Good. Girl." My head spun, but I smiled at her.


    Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.


    "Ladies? Quick conference elsewhere?"


    Marie looked down from where she stood beside the bed with a loaded tray. "Urgent?"


    "Some urgent. Some important. Some... I just need to, please?" She looked at Saffron, who looked at me, then nodded. Marie laid a hand on each of our shoulders and Co-Located us all to the Shack.


    While the kids went back to feeding me, with Daya taking over feeding Saffron bits of my waffle, Marie sat down at the end of the bed, spreading her skirts for me to sit on, her arms around me holding me up. Saffron straddled my legs and put hers around me from the front. "So, love. Are you in desperate need of intimately induced happiness, or is there another reason for this?


    "A couple things. First, we need to arrange a conference tomorrow with the command staff in Calverton."


    "Certainly. Not today?"


    I shook my head. "I''m not up to it."


    "What reason? That we might prepare?"


    I nodded. "It''s been quiet."


    "Too..."


    I clamped my hand over her mouth, the other catching the back of her head. "Don''t say it. Bad luck. I don''t need any more bad juju at this..." At that point I realized that not only had she gone instantly silent the moment my palm touched her lips, her eyelids fluttered a little. "Shit." I dropped my hands. "That''s... that''s the other thing. I... I don''t... I can''t handle having this kind of power over you. I don''t know how to control it. I don''t even know if I''m doing it. I don''t even know how to stop it." Saffron silenced me with a kiss.


    She slipped her arms around me, and wordlessly Marie did the same from behind me, their bodies and arms surrounding me with warm softness of varying textures. "Now. You''re still not cured, are you, love."


    "Uh. did you rail the shit out of me while bending me over a balcony in a sundress?"


    She laughed. "Which of us is to be wearing a sundress again?"


    "Oh, me, definitely, although I''m down for you wearing one if you like. Kinda figured you''d want pants. Or maybe a kilt? Yeah, definitely a kilt!"


    "Well then. Since you''re not cured, you''re to do as I say, yes?"


    "Yeah?"


    "Force us to let go of you."


    "I..."


    "Dog. I gave you a direct order."


    "Woof!" I reached out, slipped into their minds. I sat with arms around the me in the middle, holding myselves tight against me, breast to breast, breast to back, breath warm in my hair, against my chest. I pulled away. I tried to pull away, but my arms refused to move. I bore down, forced my fingers to let go of each other, forced my selves surrounding me to sit upright, to shift away from the sweat sticking us together.


    Minutes later, the three of me sat upright, panting, arms rigid at my sides. I slipped back into myself, and the two of them snapped back to holding me like they''d been loaded with magnets or some shit. Sweat squished and squelched, and air wheezed out of me as they clamped onto me from front and rear like a vise. A vise made out of vice, what with all of us covered in sweat. "See, love?"


    "See what? I forced you. I''m..."


    She silenced me with a kiss again. "You did as I asked you... no, told you to. And it was not easy, was it?"


    "No?"


    "You couldn''t do it by accident, could you?"


    I shook my head, "no, but that''s because you were fighting me."


    She smiled, shaking her own head gently, laughing just a little. "If we''re not fighting you? That means we want to do whatever you''re pushing us to do."


    "But what if maybe you''re not sure, and I am, and I push you?"


    "Oh, no! I will get more honey than cream on my waffles! Whatever shall I do in the face of this great tragedy?"


    I frowned at her. "I''m serious! What about, like, the powerleveling thing. What if you didn''t want to do that, but I wanted you to, so I made you do it?"


    She snorted. "Oh, yes. That''s exactly why I used our darling Marie, first among Maenads, until she lost the capacity to move. I got no enjoyment..." She snorted. "I got no..." A bark of laughter escaped her. "Fuck, I can''t even say it, let alone with a straight face."


    "Well, what about yesterday? You didn''t get anything out of that!"


    She rubbed her fingers in tiny circles on my temples. "Oh, you who almost always falls asleep first, I will show you the falsehood of your words later. In fact, just for now..." I stood, bent over, legs holding a position which would have had me screaming in minutes before I''d trained at the Academy, before I''d become a Hero. Now it barely registered except as a pleasant stretch. My back, the same, arched to press my breasts against my love''s trembling thighs. Ever goofy, she''d lost track of my hands, but responded deliciously to the way my mouth and throat vibrated with my own noises of pleasure. Any second now...


    I blinked. "Holy shit, Kitten. Okay, yeah, that was some sexy, sexy shit. I''m also kinda impressed that you were hands free at that point. Fuck, that was... wow. Just wow."


    "So would you like me to work on my Skills again today? I''m not sure sharing perspectives would aid in that or not, but we certainly could if you''d enjoy it."


    It took everything I had, but I shook my head. "Yeah, no, I... shit, I want that, but holy shit how am I going to know if you''re as into it as you are because you''re into it or because I want you to be into it?"


    "Seriously, Goof, you''re being Goofier than usual right now."


    "No, this is serious! I love you two. I want you to be you, not some kind of fucked up Saffron and Marie flavored echoes of me. Or being what I want you to be."


    "Oh? So what do you want us to be?"


    I shook my head again. "No. NO, I''m not gonna tell you that. Nope. No way. Too much like making puppets out of you."


    She tilted her head. "And are you opposed to me ''making a puppet of you'' to help you clear your block? Which I want just as eagerly as you?"


    Suddenly pouty for no good goddamned reason, I said, "what about Marie?"


    "Revels."


    "There you have it. So am I to do that to help you, or not?"


    I shrugged. "Of course."


    She tilted her head the other way. "What if I want to do it to please you better?"


    "Huh?"


    She shrugged. "Oh, sampling your senses and desires, shifting your body so that I might do unto you exactly as you wish. What of that?"


    I didn''t really have to think about that very long at all. "I guess that sounds okay? I mean, shit, you can pretty much do that verbally already."


    She nodded. "Yes. Yes, I can. Now. Why in creation wouldn''t I want you to do that to me?"


    I sat there, mouth open, until inspiration hit. "Okay. Fine. High Priestesses, are you listening to your Goddess? Ready to hear her command unto you? What I want you each to do?"


    Saffron lowered her eyes demurely, which sat at odds to the smug smile on her mouth. "Always, My Goddess."


    "Yes."


    I nodded. "Good. Hear me, My High Priestesses." Reaching out, I pulled Sister Siobhan into a little mental confab with the three of us, thinking my words to all three of my High Priestesses as I said them aloud. "Now and forevermore, I, Tabitha Diaz; I, Mimic Reborn, Command you, My High Priestesses. Do as you will."


    Sister Siobhan dropped away from us, almost like she''d been a little stunned by the sudden intrusion and command, but Saffron just grinned. "Hold her." Marie grabbed me, and Saffron''s mind slipped into mine, sifting through my mind, my memories, my senses... my desires.


    My mouth slipped open and spoke of it''s own accord. "Marie, I want you to be the wifiest wife who ever wifed, to cook and clean and mom and fuck and get pregnant and pop out as many kids as you possibly could ever want and get fucked until you can''t walk at least once a month for the rest of fucking eternity." I slapped my hands over my mouth, or tried to, but my treacherous lips kept talking. "Saffron, I want you to nerd your nerdiest until you nerdgasm all over me, preferably while fucking me and her in every possible configuration your genius little nerd brain can think up, at every possible instant of every possible day until you die of old age in the middle of the world''s biggest orgasm at which point I will build a fucking cottage by the fucking sea in a secluded fucking corner of M-Space and we will continue fucking there for the rest of fucking eternity." I tried to clamp my mouth shut, almost did, but then Saffron licked one ear and Marie licked the other and I lost any semblance of conscious control over my actions. "Oh, and I want us to tease Sister Siobhan when we get each other very obviously pregnant. Possibly but not necessarily like sexy teasing that keeps making her pass out from excessive blushing." I sat there panting until I whimpered and said, "and maybe get her and anybody else interesting pregnant too, and raise all the kids in the house we build together with a huge bathtub and huger bed we can all cuddle up in." I slumped, utterly defeated, my deepest desires laid bare.


    Saffron stroked my hair as she slipped out of my mind. Or, really, as she let me slip out of the iron grip of hers. "There, there, love. Think on all that. Think on everything you just said, and consider, was any of it horrible? Painful? The slightest bit dark? Even your desires for my demise are of the most blissful natural causes I can imagine, surrounded both before and after by the women I love." She nodded to Marie as she slipped off my lap, and kept talking as she clambered onto the bed and started tossing pillows onto the floor. "Think on that while we continue to ''do as we will''. Think on that as we ''do as we will'' unto you, my love."


    Marie lifted me gently and twisted to lay me face first on the bed. As she did I saw the bare open space near the head of the bed, with Saffron kneeling there, arms outstretched. Of course my brain picked up on the stupidest part of what my eyes saw. "What am I gonna do for a pillow?"


    "Today, love, I will be your pillow." She took me under the arms and, falling backward, dragged me atop her until my head rested on her breast.


    "I''m particularly well suited to it, aren''t I?"

 Day Three Hundred And Ninety-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    "It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues."


    - Abraham Lincoln


    Y''know, I read a quote like this one and I wish for just a few moments that I hadn''t paid attention when the teacher started talking about logical fallacies. Or that I''d been too mouth breather stupid to understand them. Or maybe that I''d gotten so fucking high that night that the memories washed away down the drain the following morning rather than burning themselves somewhere deep in my subconscious to pop out and remind me at times like this.


    Like, yeah, that''s pretty much the whole fuckin'' problem with ''nice guys'' in my experience. If your biggest positive trait is your lack of negative traits, you''re just not gonna lube up the love tunnel, except maybe for ladies who are so traumatized that they think basic crumbs of human decency are a feast of care and attention. I mean, if you come at me with that lack of negative traits, you''re still probably getting laid, not only because I am a walking mass of trauma, but also because I am actively seeking admission into the Guinness Book of World Records as ''Sluttiest Slut to ever Slut'', and the odds that at any given moment I''m open to a pity fuck because it is, in fact, still a fuck approaches unity.


    But I''m a bit of a freaky outlier, so if you''re looking to get a maybe exclusive partner of your very own, ''no negative traits'' is a great place to start, but you gotta bring something more to the table. Work out. Dress up. Learn cool trivia. Make art. Learn to cook. Tell jokes. Holy shit, if you''re looking for Super Secret Ultimate Panty Destroyer Combo move, that last pair is it. When she''s laughing so hard she''s having trouble finishing the perfect chicken parm you made her, the only reason she won''t be ''consenting enthusiastically'' is that she''s in too much of a food coma, and even then you might get the old, ''oh, no, my panties have disappeared and I have collapsed onto this bed, I do hope no one rails me until I lose consciousness from joy overload''. At that point it''s just a question of adjusting portion sizes until she''s got just enough room left for a full serving of eggs and sausage with homemade ranch.


    Back to Honest Abe''s bit, though, even though I think he''s right, the fact that I have more vices than I can conveniently list does not, in fact, mean I have a single virtue. Denying the antecedent and shit. Oh, I don''t know how to do taxes, but I know not to deny the antecedent! Okay, that''s a lie, I totally know how to do taxes, because I have basic reading skills and I wasn''t polishing the pearl in math class until at least High School.


    So yesterday was hella nice. Shortly after confirming that Saffron''s impressive sweater pillows do in fact function really well as actual pillows, Marie demonstrated why she''d flipped me face down by straddling me and, starting from the base of my skull, working her way down my back inch by fuckin'' inch, kneading me into a gooey relaxed mass with her claws. An interesting feature of Saffron''s pillows is that whole poultry timer effect every time my melty drooling face put her in need of being bonked with the horny bat. At which point she had Marie flip me over, put me in boy mode, and gave herself a thorough bonking from the inside before returning me to my regularly scheduled plumbing and herself to her pillow duties. I''m not certain, but I think at one point Marie paused for station identification. I could have looked in the mirror to check exactly what was going on, but that would have required moving my head from my pillows. No idea what''s with all the TV metaphors, but I think I''m putting a flat screen with all the channels in our little M-Space cottage by the sea.


    At one point in there while Marie was working my calves into submission, Saffron tilted my face enough I could see her eyes and said, "Goof? Are you awake?"


    "Mmm... yeah. Think so. Good dream if I''m not."


    "Good. In the spirit of ''doing as we will'', I''m informing you in advance that the next time you start to spiral into one of your bleak moods?"


    "Mmm?"


    "I''m inundating your brain with every time Marie or I has ever indulged without your active participation."


    I think I drooled a little more. Not sure. World cold and hard. Tiddy soft and warm. "Ooh."


    "Including today."


    "''M participle-ing."


    She smiled affectionately. "Not actively, which before you argue any further is exactly what both of us want from you today. Now settle down before I need to interrupt Marie''s work again."


    Back at Lancaster House Maze sent Marie for her book of the day, then settled in to read the beginning of Wee Free Men to a rapt audience. I knew she''d gotten them good when my next scheduled sausage did not arrive, and I looked down to see Isnomi, rapt eyes focused on Maze, absentmindedly chewing on it. I proceeded to get my own food after that, although my tray depopulated pretty quick as not only Isnomi, but Daya and David both got into the surreptitious subconscious sausage stealing act.


    I noticed when my two lovely wives collapsed back to the pair of themselves in the Shack when they both arched their backs in long, crackling stretches. This was, as you might imagine, impossible to ignore, what with Marie in the mirror kneeling on the bed and bending over backward far enough to put her palms on the floor, and my princess pillow lifting every part of me Marie wasn''t pinning to the bed like halfway up to the ceiling. Then she flopped back down and said, "I don''t know how you do it, perching up there in the crow''s nest all day long."


    "Weren''t you the one who suggested doing it on the mast all day long?"


    She plonked my face down in my pillows. "Oh, hush you. We would be moving if we did that. And we can''t do that and keep watch."


    "Maybe you can''t. You set up the conference?"


    She nodded. "Tomorrow first thing in the morning."


    "Cool, cool. I think I''m better in the mornings."


    Marie straightened and said, "Yes."


    I sighed, then said, "no Worship tonight, please."


    That got a reaction. Marie flipped me front side up and both of them stared down into my eyes. "As Worship helps you heal, we as your High Priestesses would like an explanation, please."


    I nodded. "Yeah. Last night... I think the dream had something to do with Worship. So, y''know, please? Just for one night? Just to see? Maybe? Please?"


    As I devolved into begging, Saffron put her arms around me, while Marie cupped my face and kissed my forehead. "For one night, love. If your suspicions hold true, we''ll determine what to do from there."


    I felt both of them step away from the three of us, then we collapsed down to the trio of us in the bedroom, listening to Maze finish up a chapter. Tonight''s dinner wound up being chicken and waffles, but without Marie''s gravy of awesomeness. I didn''t pout, because I totally understood that we didn''t want our bed coated in syrup and butter, and I am a mature adult that doesn''t pout about things like that. Me mentally insisting that Marie and I do something gravy related with Saffron''s pillows had nothing to do with it, nor did the giggling agreement I got from both of them.


    We settled into the tub with Saffron curled up on my chest and Menace and Marie''s horde hoard tucked in around us.


    Mimic dreamt of sitting there all forlorn, even her dancing Kraken unable to console her. She tried to suck her recalcitrant tentacle like the world''s biggest thumb, but it remained stubbornly unsucked.


    Woke in the morning as Marie lifted me out of the tub, with everyone else already lining up to use the toilet. "Our new place is gonna have indoor plumbing, right? Hot and cold running water?"


    "Abso... wait, hot running water?"


    That initiated a discussion of everything I knew about literal plumbing, which wound up being precious little. Really I couldn''t get worked up about that, though, what with Saffron now knowing about the existence of on demand hot water. I did mention the whole ''in line water heating'' thing, which she liked. No idea how she''ll wind up doing it, but I have every confidence that our Big Fuckin'' Bathtub in our new house will have hot running water.


    We made it to breakfast, and I felt good enough to move vaguely normally, if sorta slow. Spicy eggs and waffles for the win. I stole Saffron''s eggs and fed her my waffles. Which, now that I think about it, sounds way dirtier than I intended. Wow. Maybe I''ve secretly gotten the ''innuendo'' Skill. Don''t look at me like that. My horny on main comments are absolutely open and intentional most of the time. Doing subtle ones without intending to has got to be a Skill.


    Fuck, I''m still kinda salty about not being able to get them.


    So as soon as breakfast was done, I split one of me off to read with Maze, then the three of us stepped to Swanson''s office. The man was absent, but the door stood open and I could see a really, really big one of those old timey war tables set up in the room outside. You know, the kind with a map on it, and little figurines representing troops, and long scoopy pushy poles to move stuff around. The Norfolk guys stared at it like it was some kind of holographic AI real time satellite feed or some shit. Meanwhile General Hargreaves listened with wide eyes as Leonard Lancaster, of all people, lectured them on how to use it. Like, ''how to use a map table''. Wild, sometimes, the shit that counts as ''high tech'' here and now. Magic healing? Apparently spendy, but totally normal. High quality maps? Sorcery!


    This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work.


    "Champion." The moment he saw me come into the room, Lenny cut off the lecture, turned to me, and nodded in what could definitely be a gesture of deference. Normally I''m not the sort to notice subtle shit between other people, but I caught Weyson, the only other guy in the room wearing Clergy robes, giving Lenny a ''WTF, Lancaster?'' look. Lenny straight up ignored Weyson. I''m guessing there''s some one eyed monster measuring shit going on there, but Lenny hasn''t pulled any bullshit in recent memory and he seemed confident his testicles alone outweighed Weyson''s junk, so I ignored it and nodded to Lenny.


    "Grand Councilman. You brought the map table?"


    He nodded. "My lord Odin graciously provided the vision of Calverton from above, and Cadet Aetos rendered that image with startling fidelity."


    "Cool. Are the numbers on there right?" I nodded to the little figures.


    "Ours are correct in number, but the placement was my best estimate. There is one figure for each combatant of Heroic stature, then one for each typical combat unit of non-Heroic stature." At that point he paused and nodded toward a second story window in the upper half of the room, where Olga peered in, then nodded toward Swanson. "As Thralls haven''t generally had a standardized unit size, we took the liberty of assuming they''d be grouped as Prima Contubernium, with twenty Thralls per unit." With that he reached into a long box labelled ''Navy'' that ran along the Bay side of the table and pulled out a single little carved board game piece that reminded me of one of those medieval pole arm formations.


    Swanson took the piece and frowned a little. "We''ve generally been letting them form their own groups, and just pulling them as needed."


    "Ah. Well. You know your men, Seneschal." Weird, I''d never heard someone say, ''holy shit you dumbass how are you still alive'' so clearly before. Swanson leaned over to an aide and murmured something while Lenny pulled a few more pieces out of the bin. I kinda liked how the Phileo and Camden Volunteer units had a little gap in the middle that our Hero pieces slotted right into. As he sorted through and set pieces on the board, he nodded to me. "Champion, I believe you called this meeting?"


    I took a deep breath. Even if I showed my whole ass, what the fuck were they gonna do, un-Champion me or shit? Fuck, if they tried I was pretty sure Saffron would un-Alive them. "Okay, Couple things. First, a question, just to confirm, how are we doing with our kill counts?"


    Hargreaves opened his mouth like he wanted to dispute something, but shook his head and replied, "they''ve been very low since your birthday Revelry. We''ve noted some groupings of Undead in the distance, but once again they seem to have dispersed close to the regions of the City we''ve secured."


    I nodded. "Okay, what were the numbers looking like before that?" He stood there, mouth open, like he had no idea how to answer the question. I very carefully did not facepalm, because he was Calverton''s high commander and shit, and I didn''t need his morale going to crap. "Tell me you''ve been keeping records?" Okay, face, hands, voice, I can control two out of three at any given time.


    A titanium soprano cut through the sudden silence. "We have." Potami tilted her head in thought for a moment. "We have put down a decreasing number of Undead each day since we secured the Docks, with the exceptions of the times after we have claimed areas abandoned by the Undead; immediately after those quiet zones the numbers rise to higher than prior to the quiet times. Is that the information you needed?"


    I nodded. "Higher than our initial numbers after we took the Docks?" She jerked her head back and forth once. "Well. Fuck. Okay, how many of you know details on what happened with Marie and I last week?"


    Potami raised her hand. Nobody else did. I nodded to her, and her voice clipped through the room again. "According to Sergeant First Class Vickerson''s report, she called for support, Maenad Marie arrived and engaged a large force of Undead. One of Maenad Marie''s Co-Located duplicates fell, then you arrived amid the enemy and engaged them. Vickerson''s report confirmed observation of one Death Knight, as well as strong evidence of at least one Fell Sniper and one Lich."


    "Lich?"


    "An Undead Mage."


    I nodded. "Yeah. Definitely one of those. Death Knights are the armored fuckers?" At her nod and wry grin, I said, "yeah, four of those." I watched as Lancaster fished through the pile of Undead markers and dropped four armored ones into a box marked, ''confirmed destroyed'' at the far end of the table from the Bay. "Wait, we know how many of each kind of Undead there are in town?"


    He shrugged. "We of course have the Mayor''s best estimate of Plague casualties, and we''ve included markers assuming all of those have risen. General Hargreaves also supplied us with estimates on fallen Warriors, Archers, and Heroic apprentices of all types. Did you destroy the Lich?"


    I growled out, "a little too much." At his questioning look, I said, "he pissed me off, then dusted before I could express exactly how much."


    He nodded. "Did he have any identifying features?"


    "He didn''t exactly leave ID behind, and he didn''t mention a name or anything."


    Lenny chuckled, then plucked a single ''robed spellcaster'' looking figure from a small grouping of them, setting it in the ''confirmed destroyed'' box. "I imagine not. Undead aren''t known for their conversational skills."


    "Yeah. Dude was kind of an asshole. But that''s kinda what I wanted to talk about. From what I saw, he had some kind of direct connection to all of the Death Knights and... what did you call them? Fell Archers? In that swarm. Some of the basic bitches on the ground, too, and every one of those fuckers could tell where I was."


    General Hargreaves laughed. "Well, you do stand out a..." He choked on his own spit as I pushed up my Blend and faded from his perception. Then coughed a bunch when I slid back into sight. "Yeah. Knowing where I am when I don''t want that is Not Typical Behavior."


    "Perhaps he was more powerful than you?" Credit where it''s due, Lenny didn''t sneer.


    Still pissed me off. "Ask One-Eye about numeric values of fuckin'' Valkyrie some time."


    "Ah. No. Point taken. Had he been that powerful, I doubt we would be standing here today. Apologies, do go on."


    "Yeah, anyway, the couple Mage types I''ve taken down seem to be able to do that, to spot me anywhere within their Miasma. Pretty sure they can do that with anybody in range, too, since that fucker launched Miasma Lightning at Vickerson''s whole unit."


    Hargreaves let out something between a bark and a sigh. "Thank the Gods for their Cold Iron."


    I facepalmed at that. "Shit. I knew I forgot something. Still kinda glad I did, not sure if it would have held up to the wattage he was putting out. Juggled it back to his Death Knights, it popped their Cold Iron, at which point I Smited them in the balls. You should have seen that shit. Hilarious. They were all..." I started imitating a dude getting whacked in the balls, then realized the command staff were less than amused, even if they were hiding it because, y''know, Me Am Boss Lady, and my own Boss was standing beside me listening attentively. "Anyway, right about then he got all chatty and calling me a whore, but right before he ashed he told me about some dude he called the ''Master'' and why are you all looking at me like that?"


    Lenny looked at me while the rest gabbled more or less incoherently. "It spoke? You''re certain?"


    "I mean, he was an asshole, and my end of the conversation was hampered by a metric fuckton of Death Knight standing on my chest at the time, but yeah, he threw up a Mana Ward made out of Miasma, threw some Miasma Lightning around, and lemme tell you that shit stings, then when he had me pinned down by Darth McFuckface he called me a whore and started bragging about his Big Miasma Dick was gonna cornhole me raw or some shit. Then I hit him with the biggest Smite in the history of Smite, which didn''t quite break his Miasma Ward, then when he started bragging about the size of his Miasma Balls, Mimic decided to show me up and hit him with a Smite direct from M-Space. Before his fuckin head ashed, he spouted that shit about how his Master''s Miasma Cock was even bigger and more potent than his." I shrugged. "Then Marie turned Darth McFuckface into chunky confetti. But yeah, he spoke. And I think you''re missing the important thing here."


    Gotta hand it to Potami, she managed to avoid getting mired in the conversational tar pit I''d just sprayed all over everybody and hit the set by filling the room precisely with, "which is?"


    I spiked that fucker. "The Undead are planning. They fucking... ambushed... Marie... They were ready for me to show up, too, and cut us off from reinforcements, even self-reinforcements. We''re hitting fewer of them each day, which since nobody''s mentioned a shelf life on these fuckers means they''re pulling back in a controlled fashion. They''re not trying to stop us, they''re trying to evaluate us. And once this ''Master'' guy has all the info he needs, he''s gonna start ambushing our Undead Killers the same way. Unless he gets ambitious and goes after our secure areas, or even tries to fuck with the Navy."


    "So what do we do?" whined Weyson.


    I shot him a look, more annoyed by his whine than the question. I got a moment of feeling totally out of sorts when I realized Lenny was doing the same thing. "How the fuck do I know? Yeah, I know, I''m in charge, but we all know I''m just the biggest fuckin'' hammer the Alliance has got, and this situation does not feel like a nail." When people looked just a little too scared, I continued with, "look, if shit goes so far south that we''re gonna, y''know, lose, I absolutely will do unto Calverton as a whole what I did to the Hole and treat it like the world''s biggest fuckin nail. But I think we''d really like to avoid that, since there are people who want to live here, and maybe even a few people who can be saved still. That''s why I brought all this information to you smart guys'' attention, so you could maybe come up with contingency plans and shit."


    "The Champion is correct." Saffron''s voice rolled over them, drawing their attention to her. "Gentlemen, Princess, our goals are still the same. Neutralize the Undead in Calverton, recover the City as intact as possible, and keep casualties as low as possible. Excellent work on that last, by the way. The last report continued to keep our combat fatality count to zero, and only one non-combat fatality."


    Dafuq?


    During your birthday Revel, a Thrall attempted to fornicate with a Jotnar and suffocated before he could be extricated from her. His fellows are still singing about it.


    At that point my Kitten took over the meeting, getting the Command Staff thinking with their big heads, asking Lancaster for advice on organizational shit. Honestly, while the details are totally alien to the way I do things, if I abstract it enough I understand and totally agree with his overall doctrine. Don''t waste resources, gather everything into the biggest force you can, and then smash everything the enemy leaves available to smash.


    Stood there for most of the morning, my muscles gradually knotting up. If I hadn''t been in so much pain, it would have been hilarious to watch the Command staff and their aides and shit getting more and more motivated to stop bullshitting and get shit done as my pain showed on my face. Something, something, something, Imperator''s Attack Dog Hungry, gonna eat the slowest or stupidest fucker in the room soon.


    Fuck, Kitten, I wish to god I could get Loki to do his Soul Realignment thing today instead of tomorrow.


    Before Saffron could reply, Loki''s voice slipped into my brain. Whoever said you couldn''t?


    Gah... Fuck...What... Why haven''t you?


    Why don''t you read the book to Maze? Why did you spend so much time telling her how to do for herself?


    I closed my eyes, then the me in Lancaster House looked at the Saffron there. "Kitten, could you take over for me? I need to go see Loki."


    "Of course, Goof."


    I collapsed into one of me standing there biting my lip as the Command Staff tried to back away without me noticing. Of course the Imperator''s evil grin had nothing to do with it, either. No way for them to know she was listening in on my conversation with Dad.


    Boss? I''ll be there in a moment. Have the table ready. If you say one fuckin'' word, you are getting punched right in the fucking nuts. "I''ll be leaving now, I need to talk with Loki about something in person. Marie is on overwatch, Imperator Sexypaws will make sure the plan you guys come up with doesn''t suffer from terminal cranial rectal inversion. Later."


    I stepped to Loki''s cave, banishing The Dress and her boots to my alter in our Academy Suite. I lay face down on the table and groaned as he brought his hands down on my pour abused body and Soul.


    Thanks, Boss. You''re the best.


    "I know."


    "Mom? When he''s done unfucking my shit, punch Dad in the nuts."

 Day Four Hundred

    Dear Diary,


    "Children are the keys of paradise."


    - Eric Hoffer


    Y''know, that may be one of the biggest changes in me since I got to the here and now. I still remember meeting Isnomi. As much as being introduced to a stinky little blob of drool and hunger and shit could be considered ''meeting'' someone. Yeah, totally cute, and I can''t say I ever really disliked her, but at that point I really had no particular, y''know, desire to have a kid. Yeah, she grew on me, and by the Autumn Equinox I totally hit the ''kill or die'' point for her, as Artemis can attest to, but I definitely didn''t go into that relationship with the idea of ''oh, hell yes''.


    A year down the road, and I''m not only ever more fascinated by our kids and satisfied when I manage to get the parenting thing right, whether that''s the Mom thing I vaguely expected or the Dad thing a certain Horse Girl seems to want to foist on me, but I''m actually wanting more. Not just the biological imperative to spawn, or the Jolie-esque desire to catch-''em-all the orphans like Pokemon, or even that weird but real need to look at somebody with genes obviously mix and matched between me and one of my wives, either. Like, that last one really freaks me out; not just the idea of putting a baby in someone, or them putting one in me, but the fact that some little part of me lights up and screams ''yes'' when I think about it, even as I''m freaking out.


    By any logical standard I shouldn''t feel this way. Parenting is hard work. Cleaning up shitty diapers and puke and skinned knees and all the crap kids can find to get into when you unleash them on the world. Not that we''ve had a whole lot of that, what with most of ours being potty trained, healthy, and playing indoors, but even still we gotta wash each of them every day, settle minor bickering, engage with them on their level, all that good shit. And I am temperamentally suited to none of that. Okay, maybe the ''meet them on their level'', since my inner moppet seems to be alive and well despite everything life has done to smother that bitch to death. But somehow, even when right in the middle of the worst of it some part of me wants to tear her hair out, I still feel like it''s not only the most important thing I''ll ever do, it''s also the most rewarding thing I''ve ever done.


    The absolute tsunami of Happy Brain Chemicals that hits when I get that shit right and one of them does some cute affectionate thing probably doesn''t hurt, either.


    So yesterday after visiting Loki a day early for my weekly Soul Realignment, because I''d definitely put more miles on the chassis than normal, he stood me up and turned me back and forth, examining me with a critical eye. Unlike normally, I still ached pretty bad, and not in a post-workout, post-rubdown kind of way either. He frowned, then Shaped a Spell I''d become intimately familiar with. After getting bonked with a Deific Smite, my entire torso still ached, but I couldn''t bring myself to give too many fucks about it. Then mint washed through my torso and I shuddered away the remaining pain.


    "You haven''t receive any Healing since that fight, have you?"


    I thought about it for a minute. "Uh, I think Saffron hit me with a little one. Wait, two. But, like, real little. Scraped knee little."


    "Why?"


    I shrugged. "She pinched my nipple and it hurt and made me twitch and that hurt too."


    He flopped his face forward, eyes closing, obviously wanting to facepalm but lacking the energy to lift his hand. "No, I meant why didn''t you get Healing?"


    "Uh... doesn''t work on Soul damage, does it?"


    "Well, no, no it does not, but was one of your Co-Located selves hurt badly when you collapsed into yourself?"


    I thought about Darth Dipshit stepping on me. At the time the sound of crackling ribs hadn''t seemed very loud, but my eardrums might have been a little crisp from dollar store Dresden''s Miasma lightning. "Uh... little bit?"


    "A little bit."


    "I mean, definitely some cracked ribs. Maybe some broken ones. I hadn''t started spitting up blood yet, but I think it was on the table as an option. Little bit of electrocution. Wait, would Miasma lightning do electrocution? Would it be actual electricity, or anti-electricity? Isn''t electricity, like, just a flow of electrons, so direction doesn''t matter? Sure as shit wouldn''t be a flow of protons, or I''d have been more ''oh, shit, tiny nuclear explosions'' rather than ''oh, shit, spontaneous muscle convulsions''. Flow of positrons is right out, or Calverton would be a glowing hole in the ground."


    I sort of petered out as Loki raised eyebrow. When I went fully silent, he asked, "are you done?" I nodded. "So normally minor injuries become less minor, and even major ones become minor, but if you''ve taken mortal wounds and simply not died yet? While collapsing into yourself with those kinds of injuries causes far less Soul damage than simply dying, the trauma can still carry over."


    "Well. Shit. Would have been good to know."


    He shook his head, sighing. "Forgive me, Daughter. Given the number of injuries and deaths you''ve accrued, I thought perhaps you had figured it out from experience."


    I hopped up and down a bit, stretched, and said, "nah. you''re good. I probably should have. Hell, maybe I did, but collapsed back into myself with some brain damage and forgot or some shit like that." I stepped up, gave him a big old hug, maybe sorta deliberately squishing back and forth to troll him a little, then hopped off the table. "Thanks, Dad!"


    He nodded as Sigyn lifted the table away to the side of the cave where it lived when they didn''t need it near Loki''s bed. As I stepped away, I heard the distinctive sound of cracking knuckles.


    As I helped the kids with the potty, able to play around with them while doing so for the first time in a week, Loki''s voice trickled into my head. I find myself needing to thank you, Daughter.


    Wha? Didn''t I tell Mom, AKA your own personal jailer and torturer, to punch you in the nuts?


    Ah, but my loving wife is the Goddess of Marital Devotion, and you failed to specify that she not kiss it better afterward.


    Argh! Argh! Brain bleach! I did not need to know this!


    I consider it completely fair play after you ordered Sigyn to punch me even as I healed you.


    I sighed. Yeah. Yeah, I kinda deserve that. Sorry. I wasn''t feeling well.


    I''m aware. Still, all''s well that... ends well, yes?


    Thanks. Boss. You''re. The. Best.


    I know.


    I definitely felt better, and the kids could tell. We all bundled into bed in the bedroom, the kids'' smiling faces warming someplace in my chest. Okay, ''the bed'' being the mattress and piles of pillows we''d spread around the floor. I recognized a few of the bolsters and heavier pillows as copies of things from the new and improved bed in the Love Shack, and raised an eyebrow as I gently bonked Marie with one as we snuggled in. She shrugged and mlemmed at me. I just laughed and murmured, "they are good pillows, aren''t they?"


    As we lay there, Saffron thought, my Goddess?


    Yeah?


    May your Clergy Worship you tonight?


    After a moment of frantic fevered imaginings of going at it all night long without massive internal injuries, I realized they were talking about Her Dark Fatassness when Saffron and Marie both snickered at me. Yeah, sure. Just... be spontaneous? Silly? Anything random and chaotic and not regimented, please.


    As our Goddess commands.


    Mimic dreamt of being cream pied. Like, the literal old school clown gag. Little cream tarts from the chibi beans. Regular ones from chibi chef Saffron. Fuckin'' huge ones bigger than Marie yeeted overhand by my favorite tiger lady. Despite the utter mess they made of the maw, I couldn''t bring myself to complain. I''d asked for random, chaotic, and spontaneous, and I sure as fuck didn''t expect that.


    In the morning I had an extra strong dose of the day after realignment stiffness, but the deep aches and pains had vanished entirely. Well, okay, my scars still ached, but I''d dealt with that so long it just wasn''t worth mentioning most of the time. The kids had to do the ''rub themselves against the towel'' thing, because my arms weren''t up to moving much at all, but I think they could definitely tell the difference between my stiffness today and my pain on previous days. Silly smiles and goofy comments were the order of the day, and once Maze patted herself dry against the towel I held, Marie picked me up and slid me into the tub for Saffron to scrub down. I think she particularly enjoyed how she could just dunk me under the water without worrying about dumb stuff like ''drowning''.


    Oh, absolutely, and I intend to fully explore those possibilities when the baths in our new house are finished.


    You would say something like that when I''m completely incapable of responding, wouldn''t you?


    She just laughed and dunked me again. I discovered that even when you''re immune to drowning, bath water still stings the eyes and tastes kinda nasty, especially after the entire horde hoard had gone through it.


    Breakfast was waffles, and I delegated my Saffron feeding to Daya and David while Maze and Menace politely took turns stuffing sausages in my mouth.


    With breakfast over, Marie picked me up and carried me to my duty stations for the day. One of me she placed gently on our Academy bed, delivering Maze a few moments later. Horse Girl pranced off to collect I Shall Wear Midnight and returned to my lap to read. Another of me she propped against the mast, handed me my binoculars, banished my uniform, and proceeded to dress me in The Dress and her boots in the slowest, gentlest, carefullest way possible. I''m sure she had no intent to put on a show for the sailors cheering below, and the Worship trickling up might have had a certain flavor to it, but fuck it did a good job of eroding the stiffness in me; maybe it just dispersed it in penny packets to all of them or something. Finally, she stood me in front of the bed, crinkled her nose at me, and poked me right between the tits with one finger, banishing my uniform as she did so. I toppled backward and landed in an absolutely undignified heap, my back arched with my toes on the ground.


    If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.


    Saffron arrived right about then, and Marie banished her clothes in passing as she prowled over to the divan and settled in with some knitting she pulled out. Weirdest parallel play I''d ever heard of, but with ''do as you will'' in full effect I wasn''t gonna bitch. Saffron stretched, doing that ''one arm behind her head, hand on her bicep, the other arm straight up in the air'' thing as she summoned up Glowing Midnight''s garters and stockings. Then she switched arms and summoned up her boots. Then she stretched backward, then forward, asking, "like this?" then adding in Glowing Midnight''s corsetry and asking, "or like this?"


    A few seconds later my poor overloaded goof brain managed to parse the question. "Dealer''s choice?"


    She laughed, then tapped at her teeth. "I know you like to watch them, and I like to watch you watch them, but," she shifted them around a little. "I really do appreciate the support." She looked down at me where I lay more or less helplessly arched before her. "I don''t suppose you''re up to supporting them today?"


    I pouted a little. "No."


    "Pity. I like your hands." She stepped to the end of the bed, then leaned forward until the rough outer material of her corset brushed against my nips, drawing a hiss out of me. "So. I think I''ll be working on Skills today, since I have such an appreciative audience and subject."


    My eyes tried to flutter shut as she slid up me, but I forced them to stay open so I could watch the magnificent view in the mirror of everything below her corset. "So. Uh. Boy me or girl me? Which Skill are you working on?"


    A throaty chuckle vibrated the fabric of her corset against me, and she breathed into my ear, "Seventeen."


    Yeah, I really, really, really tried to keep my focus on scanning for flags and listening to Maze, but holy shit a Skill of sixteen was a hell of a distraction. Some time early in the morning a yellow flag rose over Swanson''s Command building, so I looked up at sweaty smug Saffron and said, "quick breather? I gotta see what''s up with Swanson."


    She went mostly still, leaned forward until she lay atop me with her breath warming my neck and said, "Of course... not. Deal."


    I kinda toppled from the mast to lean against the map table, and if I maybe looked a little spaced out, I think the command staff in the room preferred that to me looking ready to tear some of them extraneous orifices. "Saw the flag. What''s up?"


    Weyson looked up from where he''d been adjusting the little figures on the map. Ours looked like he''d gotten them more or less into the right places, and if the Undead were mostly piled back at the far end of the table, a line of them on the far side of the ''front'' showed where we''d spotted the next ones we''d face. At a glance, it looked to be about a day into the city proper, which meant we ought to hit it maybe tomorrow. "Majesty. Something came up in discussion this morning, and none of us could think of a solution, so..."


    I shrugged. Well, sorta. Twitched in a shruggerly direction. "No worries. Always good to ask when you hit a dead end."


    He nodded. "Our signaling. We chose it based on simplicity, but we also chose it with the sure and certain yet now seemingly incorrect idea that the Undead were simply monstrous beasts, or at worst capable of..."


    He petered off, and I twitched my head in something like a nod, then took a moment in what I really hoped he thought was thought, because it was absolutely a rapturous moment of non-thought. When my memory cleared, words from back in ROTC at Eastside filtered through my sudden clarity. "Okay, yeah. Opsec. We need opsec."


    "Pardon, Majesty?"


    I took a deep breath. "Yeah, it''s... complicated. Tell you what, For right now see if anybody in the command staff knows anything about ciphers. Maybe talk with Admiral Pesce or some of the Navy guys about semaphore." At his blank look, I said, "flag signals."


    "But... we have those?"


    I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, and I''m sure the navy guys only ever need to stay ''stop'', ''wait'', and ''go'', right?" Right about then I realized that along with massive constant endorphin injections, Kitten and Murder Mittens had been surreptitiously slipping me some Worship along with everything else. I wasn''t in any pain, but I definitely wanted to delegate this very much not in my wheelhouse shit and get back to being Saffron''s smash test dummy.


    Fortunately, Weyson apparently hadn''t gotten too much brain damage from frequent communion with ''four equals eight'' One-Eye. "I see. I''ll send for..."


    I shook my head, realizing that I could, in fact, shake it with little more than a bit of stiffness. Worship rocks. "Go there. Anybody who needs to meet about how we communicate does it inside the hull of the Black Dragon." I saw the question in his eyes, and answered, "if her hull isn''t Scry proof, blessed little is. Operational security. Information security. Big brain stuff." I shot him a self-deprecating smile and said, "so totally not my thing, but I''ll talk with the Imperator and have her come around and explain..."


    At that point the me on the mast caught sight of not one, but two red flares, one red flag, a yellow flag and flare, and a green flag ripped in half and being waved upside down by a dude standing on a steep, high roof hanging from what looked almost like a steeple. All of me whispered, "oh, shit."


    I stepped straight to mister fucked up green flag, adrenaline banishing the last of my stiffness as it chilled me and filled my mouth with the taste of old pennies and piss. "What''s up, troop?" I asked as my feet hit the tiles of the roof and I grabbed his flag arm for a little extra stability.


    He stared at me, eyes panicked, face green. After his mouth worked twice without anything but croaks coming out, he pulled my arm around so he could point at the ground, losing his grip on his flag as he did. It fluttered to the ground as I looked to see another big drydock. No Undead in the area around it, although every trooper I saw had completely lost their shit. Some knelt, either in prayer or weeping with their faces covered. I blinked as I realized I felt something coming from a lot of the praying ones. Others ran back and forth, screaming at each other, screaming at the kneeling troops, screaming at the formations that stood, stock still, staring. A few of them stood, legs apart, hands on knees, vomiting.


    Then I noticed a single small figure, her red jacket making her distinct even at this distance. I blinked, wondering if I''d misidentified her, then patted the Soldier on the shoulder, pulled his forehead to my lips, and said, "good job," before stepping down next to Potami. She stared, titanium blades of her Soul silent and still, into the drydock. It stank, maybe worse than the Hole Spawn, but definitely different. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed something squirming, but focused for the moment on the petite Hero. "Hero. Report. What are you doing out this far?"


    Her titanium Soul ground into motion as she turned haunted eyes toward me. "Imperator''s orders. One combat capable Command Officer to remain with the central Undead Killer Unit to coordinate rapid tactical response."


    I nodded. Made sense, kinda. I''m a hammer, not a commander. "Okay. Cool. What the fuck has everyone losing their shit?"


    She opened her mouth and, for one terrifying second, froze. Then she shuddered, pointed at the deep, wide pit of the drydock and said, "those."


    I stepped to the edge of the pit and looked in. For a moment I couldn''t quite parse what I saw. Squirming, stinking, gray bodies, distorted somehow...


    "No."


    A lightless, timeless moment later Domnu stood next to me. "Daught..."


    I glared into her eyes from an inch away. "Can you remove Undeath from a Soul?"


    I allowed her jaw to move. "I cannot."


    "Then leave or be still and silent, or you will not see Time again."


    I turned back to the pit, observing the frozen flickers of corrupted Souls. Hundreds. Maybe thousands. Tiny souls. Barely big enough to animate their tiny bodies.


    I stared, impotent rage building inside me, until that rage crystallized, hardened. I yanked her back. "Can you remove a Soul from a body without harming either?"


    "I am not a Psychopomp, Daughter."


    The sheer... disinterest in her voice enraged me further, plunged me into a place of frozen flame and deep, implacable hatred. "Begone." I threw her, not caring where she landed. I''d drag her back by the coring tentacles if I needed her.


    I stepped out over the pit, descending gently into stench and abomination until my feet hovered inches above them. Above the top. Fucking. Layer. I reached down, lifted a tiny body from the mass, my hands burning where they touched her, the flame of her Undead Soul flickering brighter as it ate at me. I reached in, hand burning, seized her Soul, and pulled her free. Setting her body aside to hover in the lack of time, I cupped my hands around that tiny Soul, shielding her, supporting her, protecting her.


    "Smite."


    The shriek of that tiny Soul echoed through the timeless hell I stood in. She tried to burn, and I smothered the flames. She tried to shatter, and I held her together. She tried to starve, and I nursed her back to health. When she glowed with the clean, pure light of a Mortal Soul, I pulled her body back and slipped her inside.


    "Live."


    Her skin glowed with the pink of health, her Soul grabbing at her body with all the strength a child could muster. I pulled her to my breast, cradling her against me.


    My eyes scanned the pit, and part of me balked at the sheer magnitude of what I had to do. Another part, redolent with the taste of my Kitten, showed me more problems, and for another timeless moment I despaired. Rage ignited once more, burning despair as it ever ought.


    I stood, taking hold of Saffron''s upper arms. "Go. Sister Siobhan and every Healer and Doctor you can find. Lancaster House. Now."


    She disappeared, a whispered, "Goddess," in her wake.


    I turned to Marie. "Maenads. All of them. Lancaster House Courtyard."


    She tilted her head. "Maids?"


    I met her inquisitive gaze with a glare. "All. Of. Them. NOW!"


    She disappeared, and all of me collapsed to the one of me standing in the air above abomination. "Stop."


    In silent darkness, I reached into Calverton from three directions. My tentacles burned as each lifted another child free of the pit, free of the stench, free of the frozen mass of bodies. One at a time I gently pulled their Souls free. Coiling around them to keep them from failing, from falling, from fading, I Smited them, pushed them back into their bodies, and bade them to Live. Over and over and over. Ten. A hundred. A thousand and more.


    Through it all I burned. I burned, and screamed my pain into the darkness far from Calverton, far from the Alliance, far from the Mortal Realm. I burned, and I did not care. My tiny charges screamed as I Smited them, and I held them until their Souls glowed quietly again.


    Exhausted, furious, in agony, I looked into the pit and saw nothing but damp filth lining the bottom. I looked out over the City of Calverton, at the tiny forms of Undead in the distance. Rage roared through me, and I brought a single tentacle down across the City, smashing a line hundreds of feet wide flat from one side of the City to the other. Pinpricks of Undeath burned at me, and I ground them into dust.


    I took firm hold of every single one of my tiny charges, stepped to the courtyard outside of Lancaster House, and set them gently on the ground, a few feet separating each of them from the others. They spilled out from the Courtyard into the open field beyond, but I found a safe spot for each of them to rest. I had to shove a few dozen people into the entryway of Lancaster House to do it, but they could fucking deal.


    "Go."


    I collapsed to the ground, a puppet with my strings cut. I curled around the tiny figure in my arms, taking the fall on my back, on my head, protecting her with my body and limbs. For a moment, silence reigned. Then the air stirred with the sound of a thousand tiny indrawn breaths.


    The entire courtyard erupted into the wails of a thousand babies screaming for their mothers.


    Groaning, I pushed myself to my knees, Mimicked the Saffron from a year ago, and held the angry squalling infant in my arms to my breast. I looked around the field in despair; I''d taken an eternity to save them all, and now...


    The Maenads arrived. They flickered into being, each one escorted by a Marie. First the Maids. Ten, fifty, a hundred, two hundred, I felt Marie pulling Mana from me and collapsed, exhausted, catching myself with one hand, the other holding the little one to my breast. Then she delivered the others. They arrived in pairs, in trios, in dozens. Not one of them, Maid or otherwise, hesitated before snatching up a babe in each arm. Some of them even lay down and pulled more than two to them.


    It still wasn''t enough. Dozens, maybe hundreds of kids still lay screaming on the pavers, on the lawn.


    Then Marie returned. All of her.


    My vision wavered as one of her knelt in front of me holding an infant to one breast. She wrapped her other claw around the back of my head and bunted her forehead against mine. "Vlickies."


    "Hey, Mittens." I lifted the little one away from my breast, holding her out to Marie. "Can you take her? I think I''m gonna..."


    Then everything went black.

 Day Four Hundred And One

    Dear Diary,


    "You don''t choose your family. They are God''s gift to you, as you are to them."


    - Desmond Tutu


    Back at Eastside I might have agreed with that, maybe. Sure as fuck the folks in Camden wound up with some kind of cut rate god who gave out half assed gifts. Seriously, intellectually I knew Mom loved me, but she worked so fuckin'' much I didn''t get to feel that in my bones as much as I wanted. My sister never let me forget I was a stupid unwanted burden. Then again, I can''t say either of them got the short end of the stick, because they got stuck with me.


    Here and now, I''d have called absolute bullshit, because while I love my Loki Dad, I am not even crediting him for ''giving'' me my family. I found that shit. Well, okay, we found each other. Even Loki and Sigyn and... okay, fuckin'' Conrad found me, but still, he''s the closest thing to a ''god given gift'' we''ve gotten, family wise. Shit, when it comes to Isnomi? I had to fuckin'' Prometheus that bitch away from Artemis, so don''t nobody say she''s a ''gift from the Gods'' unless they desperately want to feel the kind of damage my foot can inflict on their junk. Precious to us? Absolutely. God-given? Fuck. No.


    But after yesterday. After today. I don''t know any more. Because, y''know, what the hell am I supposed to think when I''m the one delivering the gifts?


    Mimic wept. She sucked on her wounded limbs like a child or animal might suck on a burned finger. Layers of skin sloughed off some of them. Others went into the maw and didn''t come out. Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, she quieted, sucking on that one recalcitrant tentacle, drawing comfort from it even as it burned.


    So I snapped awake and bolted upright. Saffron tumbled away from me, squawking.


    "Are the kids all right?"


    She rolled back, coming to her knees atop the mattress as she did, putting her arms around my head and pulling me to her breast. "Be at peace, love. The Maenads, the Healers, the staff at Lancaster House have them." I exhaled, slumping. "Well, had them."


    I gasped in another breath, and would have turned to face her had she not clung to my head. Totally spun her around me on her knees. "Had?"


    She nodded, a smile in her voice as she said, "some have already been claimed by refugee families from Calverton. After the Healers confirmed they were healthy, and Bonnie ensured the family had someone who could nurse the little ones."


    I let that breath back out again, my brain hitching a little on the idea of wet nurses. For whatever reason, I wanted to ask why they didn''t just give them baby formula, despite how idiotic that would have been.


    "Baby elixir?" She chuckled, igniting some neurons as that made things jiggled against the side of my face. "Explain, please?"


    I put my arms around her and pulled her around so I could hold her in my lap, then muttered into her cleavage. She could read my brain if she couldn''t understand my muttering. "Milk and... I dunno, minerals and vitamins and the good stuff from food, all powdered so you can mix it with water and feed it to kids."


    "That sounds... complicated."


    I shrugged. "Yeah, not everybody''s equipped to feed an entire family of four plus the family cat."


    She snorted. "Did you just complain about the size of my breasts?"


    I shook my head, enjoying the proto-motorboating sensation. "Nah. Fuckin'' reveling in them."


    She pushed me back to look up at her. The mirrored ceiling let me see her pony tail spread across her back as she leaned over to kiss me. Oh, when this is done and we have time, you will absolutely do both, as is just and right, my Hero.


    When we came up for air, I asked, "both?"


    "Fuck them. Revel in them. Do anything you wish with them. I am so, so proud of you, my love. My Goddess." A predatory glint sparked in her eyes. "Mine."


    I laughed. "Anything?"


    She nodded solemnly, that glint still in her eyes. "Anything."


    "I''m gonna hold you to that, you realize?"


    Her mouth dropped open, her tongue darting out, her breath getting a little ragged. "I''m counting on it."


    I pulled her to me, silent for a bit, just enjoying the feel of her skin against mine, until the endorphins started to die down. "Ow."


    She pulled back immediately. "Are you injured, love?"


    "Feel like I''ve got a sunburn all over my fucking body. Worst on my arms and tits." At her tilted head, I said, "where I held her. The first one."


    "Bad?"


    I nodded, then paused. I gently set Saffron on the bed, then rolled off the end to stand there and flex and stretch. Everything burned and felt just a size too small, the way it did when a burn had nearly healed. I ran my hands over my arms, and a layer of skin peeled off. Shouldn''t really have been surprising, given how I felt, but it still shocked me a little. "Uh, feels like it was, but it isn''t so much any more?"


    She smiled, then moved to the end of the bed on her knees. Given that it was waist high on her, that put her at a really nice height to pull me in for a bit more gentle kissing. "So. We''re here because despite the best efforts of the Lancaster House staff, people kept sneaking up to try and visit you."


    Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.


    "They got through those locks?"


    She shook her head, chuckling. "Hardly. But the noise and general chaos wasn''t helping anyone else. Once we let a few people into the bedroom and bathroom to show them that you were not, in fact, in residence, but would return as soon as you were able, they stopped being quite so obstinate about it."


    "Oh. Uh... sorry?"


    "For what?"


    "Passing out and leaving you with that big pain in the ass situation to deal with?" I really wasn''t sure how to react to her first glomping me to her chest, then grabbing the back of my hair, pulling me back about four inches, then slapping me upside the face with her tits. "Uh..."


    "That was too goof, Goof."


    "I''m not sure if I should stop or not. Didn''t that hurt?"


    "Yes. So you should feel guilty about making me do it, every time I have to do it, because you are apologizing for saving over eleven hundred children from the maw of Undeath itself."


    "No, I''m..."


    THWAPWHAP. "Ow."


    "Kitten, don''t do that, I just..."


    THWAPWHAP. "That is painful, Goof. Are you done yet?"


    I grabbed her tits, because it was worth risking a dislocated thumb to keep her from hurting them again. "Uh. Part of ''anything'' is gonna include you doing that way gentler. Shit. Are you poking the ''remove Tabitha''s want-to-mouth filter'' button again?"


    She smiled down at me. "No. But perhaps I broke it." Then she pulled my face into her chest. "I hope so, at any rate." After holding me there for an absolutely too short length of time, which in my opinion would be anything short of a few hours, she said, "are you ready to go meet your adoring new worshippers?"


    "Wait, really?"


    She shook with laughter. "Yes, really. I''m fairly certain, anyhow. Do you feel up to walking around, perhaps mouthing friendly platitudes a few hundred times?"


    "A few hundred... so most of the families..."


    "Most of the Calverton refugees had already dispersed to surrounding farmsteads, love. They''re on their way, but short of divination, which might traumatize the little ones at this point, there''s no real way to find their parents. If they''re even still alive."


    "Well. I guess that''s my next job."


    She shook her head. "No. The Maenads can watch over them for now. Your next job is to go visit with the families already reunited."


    "Why?"


    She pulled my face out so I could see her smirk. "Because someone still has a sunburn, and needs that adoration to bring herself back up to full strength before she goes to do her next super Herculean task."


    I nodded, pulled her off the bed and set her on her feet, and said, "let''s go then."


    She stepped us just outside the doors of Lancaster House, thankfully dropping our Cadet uniforms on as she did. A couple people in casual clothes did a double take as we appeared. I looked out over the courtyard, where handfuls of Maenads, both in and out of uniform, clustered around little batches of kids. "Did they spend the night outside?"


    "It was warm, and Bonnie sent out bedding." She shrugged. "There weren''t really enough unoccupied rooms inside, and the... other Maenads don''t seem terribly fond of Lancaster House."


    "Huh?"


    "I''m not certain, but I suspect they''ve been living in wilds and wastelands, in cottages and small homes, places where the forces of Sparta and Ares cannot find them. A place this size?" She nodded toward the interior of the House. "Would almost certainly be owned by someone hunting them."


    Marie? She appeared in front of me, a nursing babe in each arm. "Please let your sisters know they''re safe here?" When she hesitated, I said, "I will protect them. Just like they protected the kids without thinking, without me needing to ask."


    She nodded, then stepped up and bent over to rub her cheek across the top of my head, murmuring, "Vlickies." as she did.


    "Thanks, Mittens."


    At that point I noticed a sort of Brownian motion in the crowd of people, not to mention murmurs and a certain familiar tingle all over my body. Those tingles gradually soothed the burning, and people moved up around the two of us. Murmurs of ''Champion'', ''Priestess'', even ''Diaz'' susurrated through the doorway from within and from without. Single moms, couples, even a few small families came up to me, holding their kids out to me, begging me without words to touch them, to reassure them that this was real, not some kind of trick.


    One of the first, a guy who took the kid from the much younger very pregnant woman next to him, held his rugrat out to me and whispered, "please?"


    I took the kid, cradling her in one arm and lifting her so I could nuzzle her a little, my other hand reaching out to pull him and the woman close. "What''s her name?"


    "T... T... Tabitha Dawn," he stuttered out.


    I raised an eyebrow, but smiled. "What did you call her before?"


    His face fell, and I pulled him into a hug as he sobbed out, "we... we hadn''t... I wanted... my wife died just before she did. Just before... before we fled."


    I looked at the woman, holding him while he sobbed. "Nursemaid?"


    She shrugged. "I''m her," she nodded to the kid, "cousin." When I glanced at her belly, she whispered, "he didn''t make it."


    "I''m so sorry for your loss."


    I moved to make space for her in the little hug, but she shook her head. "No. No, Champion. You... My parents died. My aunt Dawn died. My cousin... died. But... she''s here, now, because of you." Something between a sob and a laugh forced its way between her lips. "Please, please, do not apologize because you could only steal the most precious one of five from Sengann''s grip."


    Whatever she saw in my eyes, her own shot open as I growled, "piece of shit motherfucker won''t be fucking gripping anyone any more." At the question in her wide eyes, I said, slowly and clearly, "I killed him. Caught him in M... in the Land of the Gods, sucking the life from New Amsterdam. I burned him to ash when he refused to stop."


    "But... but... what if he..."


    "If he wants to come back, he can try, but he''ll have to come through me to do it. Nobody fucks with kids and lives to tell about it. Not when I can stop it. And. I. Can."


    The old dude pulled back, "you... you would defy the Gods? For children you don''t even know?"


    "Would. Could. Did. Have been fucking doing. Will keep doing until they get it through their fucking arrogant shit brains that shit will not fly any more. They want to come at me? Sure. I''m down. Let''s brawl. They touch kids? Any kids? Anywhere? They can join Sengann on the ash heap of fuckin'' history."


    He wheezed, "you say such things then call them arrogant?"


    I looked him straight in the eye, but I saw everyone holding their breath, staring at me. "I''m here. I''m alive. He''s not. Do the fuckin'' math." Tabitha Dawn groused, and I smiled down at her. "I''m sorry, sweetie. Nobody''s mad at you. You''re just a cutie, aren''t you? Aren''t you?" She frowned up at me, stuck out a lip, and filled her fuckin'' diaper loudly enough for everybody within earshot to hear it.


    I don''t know exactly how many kids I wound up holding today. I stayed there, letting them come to me, holding each kid, talking to their mom or dad or parents or family, letting them know that yes, this was their little one, not some changeling or other weird shit. I lost track of the names, the relations, the stories of tragedy. By the time the sun neared the horizon, as families came up the roads from every direction, I only knew three things.


    First, that my initial thought that ''Tabitha'' was gonna be one of those ''nobody uses it, because everybody''s named fuckin'' Tabitha'' would be absolutely as true in Calverton as it was in parts of Lancaster. Second, that from the moment I said that anybody fucking with kids would face the wrath of me, briefly, an ever-strengthening wave of Worship trickled in from the Maenads watching over the kids in the courtyard. And third, that every baby handed to me had a working digestive system capable of producing poop.


    Good to know that despite everything, there''s one thing about me that hasn''t changed.

 Day Four Hundred And Two

    Dear Diary,


    "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other''s life."


    - Richard Bach


    Huh. Never thought of it that way before. I mean, on the one hand, duh. On the other hand, I guess a lot of people go through life without realizing that. Trudging through life with family who don''t give a shit, or abuse them, or insist they be someone or something they''re not. Maybe forcing the dude who just wants to make music to become a surgeon, or the streamer to sling burgers, or the chica who wants to slay to wear a neck noose and slacks because she was born with the wrong plumbing. Makes me wonder why anybody would want to do that. Those are supposed to be the people you love. The ones you care about. The ones who share your genes. Who, if they''re kids, are the ones carrying your legacy into the future, making the world a better place for everybody. No matter whether they''re your kids or not, they''re the ones where you''re supposed to have their back no matter what, ride or die, right?


    Shit. Maybe I hit too close with that one about legacy. Some old asshole might not be able to envision a daughter carrying his legacy into the future, and heaven forbid she was born with a dick, because then his whole worldview might have to adjust. Some bitch might worry that she isn''t gonna have grandkids because her boy likes boys, or her girl likes girls, or... fuck, I dunno, that her kid sees gender as an inconvenient by product of being human, and has about as much attraction to sex as they do to pooping. Fuck, I can''t believe I''m even thinking Lancaster might not be the worst possible variation on parenting, because at the very fuckin'' least he saw his sons as the future of his family, but I know there are assholes out there of every gender who see anybody who spurted out of one of their orifices as property, and if it''s not going to be obedient little wealth generating property, it can go to hell.


    Just another reminder to myself, I guess. To do better. To be better. Even if I hit a point where playing fuckin'' tag with the kids as one of the kids isn''t a fun way to spend an afternoon, I still need to love them, cherish them, fuck, even play with them, and if I can''t find a game I like that they''re into, I better get my fuckin'' ass ready to play fuckin'' tag. Because as the adult in the family, that''s my job. I''ve got wifiest of wifes doing the cooking and the cleaning and the sewing, and the Imperator herself paying the bills and organizing everything, so the least I can fuckin'' do is be there to amuse the rug rats. I guess I''m just lucky, because right here, right now, I do love it. Everything about it. Probably some kind of special stupid brain damage accrued on collapsing a Co-Located me, but I even love helping the really little ones balance on the potty and wash themselves off afterward.


    So yesterday after personally ensuring all the claimed kids had working poop chutes by having them demonstrate their ability to fill their diapers, I stood there watching Calverton refugees trudging up the road with the look of people who had gone as fast as they could as long as they could, but were still gonna go until they got to their destination or dropped dead. Thankfully, all of them seemed healthy enough that nobody actually did that, because while I felt a lot better after a few hundred people, not to mention about three hundred Maenads, seemed to spontaneously decide I was their object of Worship for the day, I didn''t exactly want to have to Revive a bunch of people today either. Yeah, I know, more Worship. But it''s not always about the return on investment. Shit, I don''t think that kind of thing ever has been. Not for me.


    Right as I turned to Saffron to see if she thought I should stay here to greet the new arrivals when they found their kids, or if we should go spend some time with our own rug rats, or maybe even could adjourn to our private room to see how many ways I could make her squeak by touching nothing but her gorgeous tits, Marie popped into existence in front of us. Specifically a naked Marie, which wasn''t as big of a deal as it might have been, what with about a third of the Maenads in the courtyard clearly wearing ''clothing as minimalist decoration''. More importantly, though, she''d brought D along for the ride.


    He looked around the courtyard, then practically leapt at me, picking me up by the arms and shaking me, his voice hoarse with worry as he growled out, "what have you done?"


    I looked back and forth at his hands on my biceps, then down at where Saffron had landed on her butt when he yanked me away from her. Finally, after I determined nothing had been hurt but her pride, I turned my gaze back to meet his. "Hello to you too. Saved some fuckin'' kids. Didn''t think you''d mind your sophomoric power trip being used for good for a change."


    "What? No, I..."


    "Yeah. Look around. That whole, ''you made them to make sure you had a nursemaid'' might have seemed cute, but did you ever think about them? About what it would be like to have a desperate endless need to have a kid clamped to your tit? I mean, you sure as shit forgot about their endless need to fuck a you shaped person, so..."


    "TABITHA DIAZ! That is not what I meant!"


    I flexed my Mana through my arms, just enough to force his arms to open. "Then you better tell me what the fuck you meant before this becomes a whole thing."


    He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "These others. My Maenads. They''ve been hunted for centuries."


    "Yeah. I get that. Now they''re not. Now they''re here. Any fuckers who try and touch them I will personally gut. If they''re very lucky, I''ll kill them. If they''re not, I''ll ask Conrad to get creative." I felt his anger... no, his madness rising. I realized right then, as my own bloodlust rose in response, that we needed to calm this shit way down, or at least take it somewhere there weren''t a thousand kids and their families watching, because at the very best this would get very X rated, very fast, and at the worst ''tsunamis of blood'' might wind up being more literal than metaphoric.


    "No, Tabitha Diaz. They''ve been hunted, but they''ve found hideaways. Redoubts. Places in the wilderness. Places they can defend."


    "Yeah, I get that. Cool. So they don''t need them any more."


    He shook his head, and I realized that, weird as it was, somehow I had more ability, more experience with controlling my rampaging dark side than he did. Then another realization hit me. This might be the first time he was trying to control it. Rather than Reveling in it.


    "They were not the only ones there."


    "Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Have you got Clergy in all of them?"


    "I have High Clergy in some. One in three perhaps."


    I reached down and lifted Saffron to her feet, asking, "Does he need to be in contact with somebody to make them High Clergy?"


    She shook her head. "Not if they are already Clergy."


    I looked back at him, and his jaw dropped. "Even if I could or would do that, it would only allow me direct contact with half of the remainder."


    "Would?"


    I don''t know what he saw in my eyes, but he stuttered out, "I haven''t the Glory to elevate all of them."


    "Haven''t got it, or don''t want to spend it?"


    "I... I haven''t enough. Even if I wanted to, I could not."


    "Does it take any more time than creating an Avatar?"


    He shrugged, "no, but..."


    "Then get elevating."


    "But..." I glared at him, and he cringed away from me.


    I reached out, carefully gathered the general neck region of his toga in one fist and twisted. "D. You know I like you. You''re a bro, and not in a bad way. But right now? I say. You do. Now."


    He set me very gently on the ground, obviously just realizing that he''d been holding me up by one bicep and I hadn''t sagged in the slightest. I heard a growl coming from naked Marie, and without looking to see who she was growling at, I said, "bring his other Avatars, I think we''re gonna need them."


    Boss? How do I access my Glory?


    I would need to know why you want it, but I''m afraid you cannot.


    Why?


    For some fuckin'' reason, his reply came back filled with sounding suspiciously like Dionysus'' last couple words before he shut up and soldiered. I am not denying you, but until a Deity achieves a certain level of maturity, they cannot. All Glory they earn is shunted back into making them more powerful, arguably more ''mature''.


    So I''m not mature enough to get Glory?


    No. As an Avatar, any Glory you gain goes to Mimic. Normally you would, by the time you achieved the stature you have, be able to access her Glory in turn, but as I just noted, it has all been spent.


    Shit. That explains why her ass is so fat.


    Indeed.


    I sighed, physically and to Loki. Boss, I need a favor.


    You need me to give you Glory?


    No. I need you to give it to Dionysus.


    A moment later Lyman stood before me. "Excuse me, Daughter, did I hear you say correctly that you want me to give some measure of the Glory you''ve earned me to... Dionysus?" Then he noticed who stood in front of me, sighed, and said, "well, this would make it easier, at any rate."


    "He needs to empower some Clergy to make them High Clergy, so we can find out which of them need immediate extraction. Oh, and it''ll probably make it easier to find them for extraction too, right?" Right then Marie showed up with the first of D''s Avatars, and I grabbed her hand. "Mittens, sweetie, can you find out which of your sisters came from hideouts without any Clergy? I''m gonna need them to guide me back there to... wait, no, you''ve been to all of them, right?"


    "Yes."


    "Can you guide me to them? All of them?" She looked a little panicked. "Can''t, or too much?"


    She paused. "Both."


    "Okay, some of them, then?" She nodded. "Bring me one Maenad from each hideout you can''t get to who didn''t have Clergy with them." I turned to D and Lyman. "Okay. D, you got those Clergy high yet?" He glanced at me, then looked back at Lyman. I followed his gaze, then sighed and amped up my best pretty pretty princess daughter voice. "C''mon, Dad. Please?"


    He rolled his eyes, then reached out and took Dionysus'' hand. "Only what you need, Heir to Olympus."


    I turned back to D. "Shit, really?" He nodded, distracted. "Well, fuck. I thought you were just blowing smoke and shit. How is it you''re so fuckin'' poor you don''t have Avatars and High Clergy blowing out your ass?"


    "Hera dislikes me."


    "Yeah, from what I recall she''s got a serious bug up her ass about Heracles too, but he gets parties thrown and shit."


    D shook his head. "Father cut me off shortly after I created the first Maenad."


    I snorted. "Holy shit. I knew he was an asshole, but he cut you off for making your very own animated sex doll?"


    He shook his head, still distracted. "No. I used his Glory to do so, and that angered him, but he cut me off only after I used it again to alter how new Maenads are made."


    I thought about that for a second until I remembered. "Okay. Yeah. Fuck, what an unbelievable asshole."


    Finally finished with whatever he''d been doing, he glowered down at me. "That is my father you speak of."


    "Tell me I''m wrong." Big man pouted, but kept his mouth shut. "You got all your Clergy high now?" He nodded, still petulant. I looked through the crowd gathered around us. Marie, a few naked, two in uniform, and one in Glowing Midnight. Just under two dozen Dionysian Avatars, and four Maenads clad in rags and skins, all eyeing me warily. I looked to them first. "Thank you for coming to help out, ladies. Each of you left people behind where you were hiding?" They nodded. "D, you got one of you for each hideout?"


    He had the grace too look sheepish. "Uh..."


    Lyman just sighed and hung his head. A moment later one more Dionysus popped up. I looked around the crowd, then said, "Okay, I''m gonna do this in series, not parallel, because this many of me in one spot would give me suck level of migraine from feedback, but here''s how it''s gonna go. Marie?" All of her nodded. "You can bring the folks from the ones you''re heading to back without me, right?" They nodded again. "Okay. Go get them. Take multiple trips if you need to. Come back here to get me if you need help." With that, they were gone, and I turned to the rest. "You guys are gonna have to guide me to those other hideouts." I Co-Located, one of me stepping back, scooping Saffron into one arm, and pulling Lyman back to stand behind me. Sorry, Dad. I''ll make it up to you.


    This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    While I''ve no doubt you will, there is no debt between us, Daughter. As you''ve said on more than one occasion, you do for family, you don''t charge them.


    Thanks, Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    I stepped forward and took D by the hand. "Okay, let''s go."


    He looked down at me. "How?"


    "Don''t I remember you saying you could get there fast via M-Space? Land of the Gods? Other side shit?"


    He just stared at me in horror. "You would... but..."


    "Shit, we don''t have time for long discussions." I yoinked him over to M-Space. Tentacles surrounded us, writhing, and the hand I held broke out into a sweat as the bits of him pressed against the tentacles to either side of him went gray. I concentrated. "I said we don''t have fuckin'' time for this, you voracious fatass." He looked a little offended even as the gray parts of him regained their color. "Talking to her, not you."


    "How..."


    "Is this really the time?" I asked him as I rose into the sky, towing him along by his hand, hoping he didn''t notice the tentacle under his feet lifting him upward.


    He took a deep breath, then let it out in one long exhale. "I..." He let out a sudden gout of near hysterical laughter. "I am supposed to be the God of Madness, Tabitha Diaz. Yet you draw me into this insanity like it is nothing."


    I lifted us both into the sun above the vast plain of undulating tentacles. Trying not to notice the dark patch far to the south, I totally took advantage of keeping our eyes level and leaned right the fuck up against him. "Yeah, well. If maybe one of those enclaves of yours is threatened, you''ll get to watch what fuckin'' Bloodlust is all about."


    I must have imagined him leaning away. Maybe even cringing a little. "And if they are not?"


    I leaned over and whispered in his ear, "well, then, once we''re done doing what needs to be done, maybe you''ll get to experience it in person." He whimpered, and I took just a little pity on him, because I realized just then that he was leaking Madness like a fuckin'' sopping wet sponge. "Or maybe Passion. Or Ecstasy." His hand wandered south of my Mason-Dixon line, and I growled out, "Or maybe all three at once. Won''t that be fun?" I pulled back, looked down at his hand, then smiled back at him. "But right now we have some place to be, don''t we?"


    He nodded, and we took off. Like, pretty much literally. We shot eastward, gaining altitude the whole time. I got a little sense of acceleration, a little sense of wind, but not all that much of either. The sun set as we rushed eastward faster than we climbed, and a moment later I saw the edge of the vast sea of tentacles beneath us. Beyond it lay nothing but water, although at our altitude I almost swore I could see land in the distance. Then I definitely did see land, although it wasn''t ''land'' so much as ''a view of a coastline from miles above''. With a sudden sense of deja vu, I realized that it felt almost like I''d zoomed out on a big global map, moving my focus eastward the whole time.


    "Can any of you do this?"


    He shrugged. "Zeus can. Any sky god. As Heir I can. Sun gods, Moon gods, psychopomps. It would be easier to list those who cannot, save that they are more exceptions to the rule, and most of them have other ways to travel rapidly."


    "Huh. Good to know. Any of your people in immediate danger?"


    He looked a little distracted, then blanched. "Yes."


    "More than one group?" He shook his head. "Okay. Can you let your other Avatars and the other Maenads know that Mimic isn''t going to eat them?"


    I swear to fuck if I hadn''t been gripping his hand, he would have dropped me. "That was fucking Mimic? You are insane. Clearly, one of those nights we got drunk I must have blessed you from ear to fucking ear with my very best cock because you are fucking insane and brainless and you almost got me eaten!"


    I stopped. He jerked to a sudden stop, then dangled from my hand. I pulled him up until I could look him into the eye. "If I wanted you eaten? You would be digesting in m... Mimic''s maw right now. So. Are you and your Avatars gonna fortify and let the Maenads know it''s safe? Because I''m starting to feel like somebody needs to get eaten, and it''s entirely up to you whether that''s a horny Revel kind of thing or a make Mimic''s masticating maw merry kind of thing. Get it?"


    "You are fucking insane."


    "Not unless Insane asks very nicely after guiding me to the people we have to save."


    He twitched, winced, then let out a huge bellowing laugh before pulling me into motion once more. "Very well, little Goddess of Bloodlust."


    Back in the courtyard, four Avatars stepped up to the four Maenads and spoke with them quietly. I Co-Located to the next Avatar, stepped him across, and lifted him. Before we hit sky, I did it again, and again, and again, keeping just enough space between my duplicates to avoid that fuckin'' feedback, because two dozen of me plus a bit was gonna be annoying as fuck already, I didn''t need to make it more annoying.


    "We almost there, D?"


    As I asked the question, we dropped closer and closer to what looked like the shoreline of Turkey. D adjusted our course as we zoomed in, and a moment later we landed in the the doorway of a tiny, wispy shack, barely big enough for half a dozen people to sleep in if they were cozy. Then the Mortal Realm snapped into focus around us.


    The smack of metal against flesh filled the night, followed by a laughing bellow "Silence, bitch! You''ll lose more than that before this night ends!"


    D hunched in front of me, going into that wrestler''s posture I''d seen him in before. "Unhand. My. Priestess."


    The fucker in front of him laughed. "Or what, drunk? You''ll defy the Pact openly enough for Zeus to finally send the Warbringer to erase the stench of your vomit from existence once and for all?"


    Yeah, standing next to pissed off D was definitely exponentially worse than standing next to scared shitless D. I lay a hand on his back, trailed my fingers around him as I stepped in front of him, turning my back on the half dozen armored assholes and the woman with them. I slipped one index finger across his face and into his mouth, pulling down until he looked into my eyes. "Make sure they''re okay, D. I''ll take out the trash."


    "Who the f..."


    I spun, aiming my Mana Lance by the sound of his voice, then expanding it from a single spear through his mouth to a bar the width of a soup can. A moment later and I let it blink out and watched his wireframe body drop to the ground as his asshole brain and his actual asshole were no longer connected by a spine, or hindbrain for that matter. Five more of the assholes pulled shields from their backs and lowered their spears. I blinked, then grinned as I realized that only one of them was pointed at me, and the other four were gradually shuffling around to form a circle.


    No light. No Wards. No Cold Iron. I giggled at the fuckin'' thought. Then I stepped into the middle of the circle of assholes, shoved Mana Blades out of my waist, an inch deep into each of them, and spun in place as they screamed and tried to turn to face me. Over and over I stepped behind one of them, punched them with the inch long Mana Blades sticking out of my knuckles, then stepped away to do the same to another. They stumbled, they lurched, they tried to find and face me in the flashes of light when I appeared and hammered at them. Then I started in on their fronts, slicing their spears shorter and shorter until they held batons, then slicing strips off of their shields until they collapsed.


    Every few swings I landed on my knees in front of one of them and punched them right in the taint, no Mana Blades extended.


    The smells of burning metal and roast pork filled the air, and ravenous drool slipped from my lips as I hammered their breastplates over and over, punching more and more holes through them until they fell away to expose the perforated flesh beneath. One broke, tried to run, and I threw him back into the group, knocking two of his fellows to the ground. I appeared in front of one, dropping from just above head height, and kicked him in the face hard enough to collapse him almost past the pile.


    Then I stepped behind the last one, grabbed him by the back of the neck and the ass and lifted him over my head. I extended a thick, fat Mana Blade through his pelvis, a cock-mockery of burning, glowing Mana that lit up the night like a fuckin'' highway roadwork lamp. I waited for all four of the fuckers on the ground to look up, then tipped him over, letting his own weight carry him down into the blade that burned a three inch wide gap through the middle of him as it sliced him in half. He screamed the entire time while his buddies watched, frozen in terror. Well, right up until I dropped his head through the blade.


    Made me so fuckin'' wet I couldn''t fuckin'' stand it. So I grabbed up another one, broke his fuckin'' spine when he refused to stop squirming, and did it again.


    He didn''t scream as much. Maybe the broken spine meant he didn''t feel it until I hit mid torso or some shit. I picked up the next one, slammed him to the ground face up, Co-Located three more of me, two to slice his friends off at the knees and hold them up so they could watch, and one of me to hold the fucker''s head up so he could as well. Then I sliced him from crotch to crown, as slow as I could stand. He didn''t scream at all, just made fucked up gurgling sounds, so when I hit neck level I twisted my Blade and extended it sideways, then picked up his head and screamed in his face.


    "YOU CALL THAT A FUCKIN'' SCREAM? ASSHOLE! FUCKER! TEASE!"


    I reached over and grabbed his buddy, flipped him over my knee, and rammed grunty fucker''s head up his ass.


    "Oh. Oh, yeah. That was a fuckin'' scream." I flipped him back over, slamming his back into my knee and savoring the crunch of his spine, then dragged him down until his whimpering head lay on my knee. I bent over and breathed into his ear. "Such a nice scream. Such nice noises. You know what you get?" He whimpered more, and his pure, clean, delicious terror soaked into every pore on me. "You, sweet beautiful boy, get mercy." I giggled as the Mana Blade occupying most of his brain cavity flash boiled so much of his eye juice that they popped, spraying gore all over me.


    I swayed over to the last one, collapsing all of me into one, catching him by the hair as he fell. I lifted him up, my eyes fluttering shut as his rolled in exhilarating, delicious fear. I savored it, almost forgetting to extinguish my Blade as my other hand wandered southward. Then a tiny, annoying fact slipped into my brain, a grain of annoying sand defying my lubrication.


    "Wasn''t there another one of you?"


    I looked around and saw the last one moving away at a steady, if lurching walk. He had a shield and sword out, and I knew I hadn''t fucked up anybody with a sword tonight. I thought about it a second. I hadn''t fucked anybody with a sword, either. The thought of jackhammering my hips into him so hard and fast I crushed his pelvis distracted me for a second before I realized he was just moving slow because he couldn''t see shit.


    I shifted my last broken toy to my left hand, stepped in front of Sword Boi, then slid a bright, chunky Mana Blade out of my right wrist. "Goin'' somewhere?"


    He drew himself up, clutching something dangling from his neck in his shield hand. "I am not with them." At my disbelieving silence, he continued. "I am an observer, sent by Athena herself to oversee the Spartan''s actions."


    I nodded. "Oh. Okay. I see. So you were gonna," I looked back at the woman cradled in D''s arm, one of her arms dangling from his other hand. "Reprimand them for harming a prisoner of war?"


    "No, of course..."


    "Oh. Okay. But you were gonna stop them before they started in on the rape and murder, right?"


    He snorted. "Why would I even..."


    I lifted the last Spartan and looked him in the eye, shaking my head. "The fucking lion and the screaming witch, and can you believe the audacity of this bitch?" He groaned out something that sounded a little like a ''no''. At least I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I turned back to Athena''s bitch, first Smiting the Spartan for agreeing with me, then ashing a three inch cylinder of his braincase with a Mana Blade. "See? Even brainless here agrees with me."


    I dropped both Blades and, in the darkness, as Sword Boi went into a fighting stance still clutching at his crucifix or whatever, I stepped behind and above him, grabbed his neck and the front edge of his helmet, and ripped it clean off of him. As he staggered, I Mana Bladed off his right arm. His pauldron refused to melt like it was supposed to, but when my Blade slid down to his exposed shoulder, the meat cooked and sizzled and parted just like it ought.


    "Oh, smell that, fuckin'' falls right off the bone. Scream for me more." I kicked his knee sideways, swapped hands, and sliced off his shield arm. Then I spun him around and looked him right in the eyes. Before I could compliment him on just how well he screamed, the fucker started babbling.


    "You cannot do this!"


    "Pretty sure I can." I slid a long, thin Mana Blade into the gap between his armored skirts, right into his thigh. When his scream died down, the hoarse babbling started up again.


    "I am a High Priest of Athena!"


    "Ooh! Is she feeling this? Is she listening? Is she watching? Does she like to watch too?"


    "Yes! Yes! I was just an observer!"


    I smiled down at him. Such a nice boy to volunteer like that. I pulled him up close, Mana Blading off his kneecap when he tried to bring it up into my crotch. "Hey Athena. Sweetie. So you were just ''observing''. Just watching. Just gonna watch as those Spartan fuckers cut off her limbs?" I twisted the Mana Blade I''d put through his kneecap, extending Mana Razor Wires around what remained of his limbs. One quick contraction, and I shuddered as his scream echoed in my ears. "Just gonna watch as they raped her?" I slid that Mana Blade back, then curved it around and rammed it right up his fuckin'' ass, an inch wide burning arc. "Over, and over, and over?" With each repetition, I branched it out through his torso, taking special care to keep it below his diaphragm. Every branch brought another shriek, and with each shriek my knees wobbled a little. "Until they just couldn''t get it up any more?" I extended that mana blade out through his navel, slipped it down and around and guillotined off his fuckin'' cock with it. "Were you just gonna observe when they killed them too?" I pushed a four inch wide Mana Blade right up through his spine into his neck, then held it there as the strips of skin around it sizzled, cooked, split, and the rest of him fell away from his head.


    I pulled him in and, my tongue in his mouth, whispered, "observe this, bitch," then extended a Mana Blade from my tongue through the back of his head, letting the fucker fall through it.


    I staggered back over to Dionysus. "Get the others out here." He smelled so good. So fuckin'' good. The back of his toga practically sloshed he''d sweat so much. I couldn''t help myself, I followed him in as he wandered into the shack. "Everybody join hands."


    He jumped like two feet in the air. Pretty fuckin good for a fat assed white boy. Although I guess he''s Greek, and I''m not sure if that counts. I think he might have pissed himself. Weird, we hadn''t been drinking yet. "Do as she says."


    "Yes, yes, do as I says!" They all clutched at him, but fuck it, good enough. I reached out, grabbed the arm in his hand, pulled it away from him, and stuck it back on the poor weeping woman in his arm with a blast of Heal that lit up the room like daylight. "Thas better. Les'' go!" The next moment we stood in front of Lancaster House. Some other women in various states of bedragglement stood there with Maries around them. "Les Go!" I giggled at my own humor, then stared below D''s bulging waistline. "But thas'' not Les. Thas Het." I turned my gaze to Saffron. "Why''s a courtyard swayin''?" Then I looked back at D and realized that he was still holding the woman formerly known as armless. "Put her down."


    He gently set her on the ground, at which point I grabbed him by the front of his toga. Naked Marie''s claw clamped down on my forearm, and I flopped backward, not letting go, trusting the big bro was strong enough to hold up my weight. I''m not her Dark Fatassness, after all. Just little Tabitha Diaz. Saffron stood there, feet attached to the pavement, head dangling into the sky. "Oh. You should come too." I reached out, grabbed her, and twisted and shoved D backwards onto my new play bed. Marie''s claw slipped away from my arm, and the grim determination on her face melted away into absolutely feverish anticipation.


    Saffron stumbled backward and landed on her ass on the padded bed steps. She let out an audible ''oof''. I looked over and realized she was sweating and looked like she was high and had a migraine at the same fuckin'' time. I blinked a little and realized that the rest of me were... kinda fuzzy. I lifted her gently. "Open your eyes."


    "Can''t."


    I chuckled. "Too busy piloting the rest of me?" She opened her mouth, but couldn''t speak. She just nodded instead. "Aww. Sweetie. You don''t have to do that."


    "Someone has to."


    I pulled her up, brushed my lips across hers. "Yeah, but I could do that, easy. But for me to do that?" One of her eyes slipped open. I pointed at D as he pushed himself up on one elbow, only to have Marie knock him back down. "You gotta do him, hard. at least until sunset." She blinked, her jaw dropping open a little, and I said, "swap?"


    A moment later dozens of me followed D and the new Maenads into as many hidden Dionysian bolt holes. I tried my not so very hardest to ignore the goings on in the Love Shack as I collected them all and stepped them back to Lancaster House. Then I collapsed back to one of me, stagger-sway-stepped my way inside to find Bonnie at her desk in the map room, and arranged for blankets and pillows and maybe adoptions for all the assorted women and girls I''d rescued. Took way too fuckin'' long.


    I almost missed the best part.


    Well, first one anyhow.


    Almost.

 Day Four Hundred And Three

    Dear Diary,


    "A family is a risky venture, because the greater the love, the greater the loss... That''s the trade-off. But I''ll take it all."


    - Brad Pitt


    Here I am, minding my own business, living my own mostly Sapphic life, when along comes certified elder sex symbol and Angelina Jolie chew toy dropping wisdom bombs. What the fuck, maybe I pulled my Black Dragon from yet another parallel universe where people aren''t their lowest common denominator selves. Then again, maybe I didn''t have the money to spend on stupid self help books that are ninety percent quotes, because between Patterson, Pratchett, and Gaiman, my book money was spent before I got it. Shit, that would both completely make sense and yet be completely awful, that there were parts of the world that weren''t shit coated urinal cakes, but I couldn''t afford to even see them, let alone experience them.


    Fuck, even the way I got fuckin'' Isekai''d lines up with that, what with most folks I knew not being able to afford the full ticket price at the aquarium, only getting in because a relative worked there so they got a discount, or because they worked there themselves and could sneak in via the employee entrance on off day sometimes, or, y''know, sneaking in like yours truly. Been a long time since I did anything like that. I mean, the same basic mental principle applies, just mentally pretend I''m supposed to be there, like air or light or whatever, and people act like I am. Or I''m not. Whatever the fuck they do when they look right through me and don''t see me.


    Shit, now that I really think about it, I see the Dan and the Aesir do that all the fuckin'' time with Bag and anybody who''s not Aesir. Just treat them like furniture, because to them? They are. Nobody''s done that to me in a long fuckin'' while, yeah, but that''s because I very publicly killed the fuck out of anybody who disrespected me and mine. Okay, early on I kicked the shit out of them, but then I got down to Norfolk and my tiny tyrant and towering tiger encouraged me to pull out all the stops and puree some motherfuckers. Then I felt guilty about it because who the fuck gets off on Onotopping some poor dude, no matter how much of an asshole he is, and now I''m pretty sure I need some more therapy for that, and there ain''t a fuckin board certified therapist this side of reality.


    The Pitt quote is totally spot on, though. That''s some long term panty wrecking shit right there. And now I''ve got yet another thing to add to my ''what the fuck is wrong with me'' list.


    So, I lost yesterday. Okay, I know where yesterday is, but if I knew how to get there, there''d be a new guy doin'' it. Well, getting done. Poor D was surprisingly passive, although the whole event started with Saffron in charge, and after being with her for almost a year, I gotta say she''s really fucking good at being in charge. Me being in the bitch role when we first got together was no accident, and if we have all kinds of fun switching that shit up, her being the head bitch in charge and me being her over eager golden retriever is clearly our comfort zone.


    Which makes Marie our cat who we both adore, who joins us for affection when it suits her, and just watches us when it doesn''t. Which boggles my brain that she''s okay with that, but maybe a little less today than it did yesterday, because I discovered that our Marie is the literal fuckin'' definition of ''horny drunk'', and four is more than three, and Saffron is probably gonna be gleeful about her newfound knowledge regarding the carrying capacity of my hoo hah.


    So I assume the sun set, because I remember my drunken orders to the love of my life when I left her to finish Operation Sparta''s Comin'', GTFO, because while she''d been in my driver''s seat pretty much since I gave her those, uh, ''marching'' orders, her actual caboose had got more than a little exhausted some time around when a Marie arrived with lunch. Strawberries. Fuckin'' bananas, although she wouldn''t tell me where she got them, just peeled one, swallowed it whole, smiled smugly, then fed me one the same way, grinning the whole while. Doesn''t really matter if the food is an actual aphrodisiac or not, if you eat anything that suggestively it''s gonna grease the gears. Of course right after that she whipped out some papayas, split them with her claws, and licked the seeds out of one half. Then she held one out to me. I couldn''t leave my best tigress hangin, and it''s been a while since I got that nice texture, not to mention, y''know, papaya.


    But once the sun set, Saffron let me flop over backwards, exhausted, my head thumping on the floor before I crawled over to her and snuggled up in her lap. She got a little squirmy, so I lifted her up, flipped her around, and lay her on the divan with her head down near the low end so I could use her breasts as a pillow.


    "This is incredibly undignified."


    I snuggled into her. "You said anything."


    "And yet, somehow, despite the indignity I feel I could endure it for a while."


    Maybe ten minutes later room shaking snores drew me out of a light snooze. "The fuck?"


    "Marie, could you be a dear?" The snoring cut off. "Love, I hate to ask, but could we move this to a somewhat more level surface?"


    I lifted her up, carried her over to the bed, and flopped her down with her feet in one corner by the headboard, which put her head not even halfway to the middle of our awesomely huge bed. Then I leaned over her, lay my head on her breast, and closed my eyes.


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    Are you trying to suffocate me?


    "Can you breathe?"


    Yes.


    "Then ''m not tryna suffocate you. Try that later if you wanna, right now ''m tired. Need sleep."


    Most undignified.


    "Nah. That''ll be when I poof your dress off in the middle of your next birthday party."


    Tabitha! You''d parade me around skyclad?


    "D''n say that. Poof dress off. Spin roun''. Dat ass."


    Then Marie dropped in on both sides of us, snuggling up with delicious snoozy warmth. "Safe."


    That''s all I needed to hear to drop me off to sleep.


    Mimic sucked her Bad Tentacle like a thumb all night long, still grumbly about how many she''d burned, how many she''d lost. The Kraken in the river pulled debris from where we''d smashed a line across the city right at the waterfront, yeeting any big pieces straight across the gap to smash down in the Undead controlled section of town. I didn''t have the heart to tell them to stop.


    Woke up to Marie''s warm fuzzy contained by something not nearly so fuzzy. My eyes fluttered open to see a slightly ripped vee neck in front of me. The low rumble in my chest started Saffron''s boot up sequence. Meanwhile I lifted myself off of her, rolled the Marie who''d been leaning on me onto her back. Her eyes stayed closed, but her lips curved into a smile. "You know what''s gonna happen now, right?" Little tiny dagger fangs showed through her smile. "Aww... were you jealous?" She pouted a little, eyes still shut. "Envious?" She mlemmed. I ripped that fuckin'' tee shirt from the neck down below her belly, then yanked again to tear it all the way apart. Learned an interesting thing about Maenads just then; just like any other mammal, certain bits got a little, ah, more pronounced when they nursed.


    "Wow." Her brow furrowed, and I said, "that''s not a head pillow. That''s a whole ass body pillow."


    From behind me Saffron sing songed, "you haven''t found the best part."


    Of course I couldn''t let that lie, so after I caught my breath I had to mess around a little, and discovered that along with a larger than normal number of fully functional nursing organs, my favorite tiger lady''s extensive nip collection were all fully functional in the ''response to stimulation'' sense. They were also hot as hell. Not just in the make Tabby happy sense, but in the super warm heating pad sense. Of course I was still kinda tired, so I wriggled my way up until my head rested against the pillowy ones up top, enjoying how she squirmed as I did. I murmured, "gonna play your tits like a fuckin'' guitar later," then fell the fuck back to sleep.


    Woke to Murder Mittens tickling gently at my earlobe. Not the same response as somebody canoodling with my ear canal, and a way more pleasant way to wake up. I blinked my way awake to hear Marie think, Bath Time. at us.


    We rolled out of bed, landing in the tiny clear space in the bedroom. As our feet settled to the floor, heads across the room turned incrementally to look at us. I recognized that quiet, watchful movement from so, so many women I''d known back in the world of Eastside. That constant vigilance, because if you saw it coming you thought maybe you could roll with it and you could make it just a little less bad. The room wasn''t quite dark, either, the lights just barely above shut, just barely where the women in the room could see me.


    A moment later I think they must have recognized me, because first a trickle, then a wave of Worship rolled over me. One of the women, moving oh, so cautiously and quietly, crawled around and over the still sleeping children, ours and all of theirs, until she knelt at my feet. "Champion."


    It took me a second, then I saw a scar, a ring around her bicep just under her shoulder. I reached down and lifted her to her feet, her eyes going wide as I did. "How''s the arm feeling?" I asked.


    She smiled, a fragile thing. "It... it does not hurt, but it feels as if it should. Like the ghost of pain."


    I nodded, but frowned. "Shit. I''m sorry. I was kinda a little bit drunk when I did that. Fuck. Kitten? D''you think Sister Siobhan could do something?"


    My Kitten looked up at me, smiled a silly little smile, and said, "I''m certain she''ll come for you and try to help you with that."


    Was that double entendre? My poor Goof brain is gonna overload you know. Out loud I said, "Would you mind if we called in a Healer, a real pro rather than an overpowered amateur like me, to take a look at it?"


    The woman bowed her head. "As you like, Champion."


    I shook my head and lifted her chin with a finger. "What''s your name?"


    "Anna, Champion."


    "Okay, Anna. First thing, call me Tabitha." She gasped and tried to shake her head, but I interrupted with that finger under her chin. "You''re a High Priestess of Dionysus. You took care of some of these women, some of these girls. You stood up for them, even when you knew all you could do was maybe buy them another few moments of freedom, of peace. You deserve at least as much respect as I do, Anna. Probably more." Her eyes just kept getting wider. "You''re safe now, Anna." I took a deep breath, then announced to the room, "you''re all safe here, as safe as the Heroes of Phileo can make you. As safe as Lancaster House can make you." I looked back down at her. "As safe as I can make you."


    As I finished her whole body just kinda collapsed into me. I''d seen that before, too, when somebody finally let go. She leaned against me, trying not to cry, crying anyway. Of course, along with refugee snot dribbling down my tits I''d also gotten a strong whiff of ''living in a shack with no toilet'', so I looked down at the pile of kids, pride warming me when I realized that no matter their relative sizes, Menace, her posse, and the horde hoard had surrounded the kids I''d brought back. Guarding them. My lips curved in something vaguely similar to a smile as I realized that no matter what I''d done to them, my little Menace would have done worse to any Spartan who threatened the kids she''d taken under her wing.


    "Hey, Menace." She popped one eye open. "Bath time." As she stretched like a cat, nudging Liam and Maze awake, starting a chain reaction around the circle, I raised my voice again. "Anybody who still needs rest," it had been a day, but some of the ladies in here weren''t physically tired, and exhaustion of the soul took as long as it took to heal. "You''re welcome to stay here as long as you like. I''m pretty sure Marie and Bonnie can arrange for food for anybody who can''t make it down to the dining room, but if you can, my buddy Larry puts out a real good spread. Before that, though, we''ve got a hot bath in the next room here," I knocked on the door, then spun the wheel to unlock it. "So if you wanna clean up, c''mon in as you''re ready."


    With that I swung the door open, and Menace led her little troop into the room, each of them guiding one or two of the other kids by the hand.


    So fuckin'' proud of that kid.

 Day Four Hundred And Four

    Dear Diary,


    "It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both."


    - Niccolo Machiavelli


    Yeah, y''know what? Fuck you, Nick.


    Nah, that''s not fair. I get it. I really do. I''d be a hypocrite if I said I didn''t, since not only am I apparently currently Head Bitch In Charge of the Pantheon of Terror, my go to maneuver since I got here has been scaring the crap out of people to keep them from escalating, then if they decide not to back down being so fuckin'' scary violent that anybody who sees what I do to them decides to do something safer, like fornicating with a wood chipper. Entirely separate from the fact that post-Isekai me is now a Deity who thinks fear is a tasty healthy snack food, fear is one way of controlling people, getting them to do what you want, and it''s even better at getting them to avoid doing something you don''t want.


    But love is... Look, I thought the whole ''laugh is ten times more powerful than scream'' was absolute fuckin glurge, even while I cried sappy happy tears about that whole ''it only works if you have every part'' ending. But holy shit when it comes to spontaneous Worship, I''ve had both fear, which I totally went out of my way to generate, and maybe love, which while I really try to do shit that will make Saffron happy, I''m not stupid enough to think that ''generates love'' or some shit. So I don''t try to make people love me. Shit, I''m not sure I''m capable of making people not hate me, so love is kind of a tall order, especially when my instincts are to scare someone until they lose bowel and bladder control.


    But I''ve felt it. Holy shit, I''ve felt it. From Saffron. From Marie. Maybe even, if I pay attention, from Menace''s posse and the horde hoard. Definitely from those parents when I brought back the kids they''d left... No, not ''left for dead''. They didn''t do that. They thought they were dead. They mourned the deaths and probably hated themselves because they couldn''t even bury them. Then they saw their kids again, heard I somehow played some key part in pulling them back from Hel or Hades or wherever the fuck babies go when they die and nobody can afford to get them sent to the Gods in a proper Temple ceremony. Yeah, there was some awe there. Maybe a little fear. But holy shit on toast, each and every one of them at some point in that conversation looked at me with pure, unadulterated adoration.


    Fear is titillation, a quick sugar rush, a camera flash.


    Love is the fucking sun.


    Got a lot more of that over the past two days. Enough to say that if I had to choose, I would choose love every day of the fuckin'' week. Twice a night and six times on Sunday.


    Yesterday the ROTCs and Saffron and I went to class together and played around with Air Shields and Mineral Bond. Kinda funny, when most of the class is part of the same clique, and part of that clique is not just already a Hero, but also the fuckin'' Imperator of the Alliance, ''horseplay'' doesn''t begin to cover the shit that went on. Little stupid pranks all day long. The new kids, the other six people in class, are more or less off limits until and unless they join in of their own volition, but the rest of us wound up in rare form. At one point after the second time my ass bounced off a sudden Air Shield, I Mineral Bonded Carruthers'' shoes to the floor along with his desk and chair. Doc facepalmed, but the rest of us laughed our asses off when not only did he just fuckin'' shatter the thing when he stood up, but he also ripped his left boot off before he realized.


    Saffron insisted we all stay until everything was fixed. I might have cheated and summoned up a copy of Carruthers'' desk in M-Space and swapped it in when nobody was looking. Blend for the win.


    Alex''s onesie is on hold while Marie produces at least two decent all weather outfits for each of the refugees staying with us. So weird, having all these women who pretty clearly are in their twenties and thirties looking at me like some kind of authority. I mean, yeah, I get it, to them I''m the Champion of the Alliance, so I''m in charge, and I saved them from murder, rape, or worse, so I''m their own personal Hero for the moment, but, like, shit, the youngest of them has more real world life experience than me. I''m just some dumbass who got her dumb ass isekaied from Camden to Phileo City, then spent a year living like here and now royalty. Shit, I''m pretty sure Saffron could kick my ass in any kind of cooking competition. Not even gonna try on any other aspect of Normal Adulting Tasks, except maybe taking out the trash or other ''heavy object lifting'' things.


    So fuckin weird. That adoration, though. Fuck, I don''t do the shit I do for the rewards, but holy fuck on toast that''s a fuckin'' reward to do shit for. I say this with full awareness that my other extant reward is the debauchery of my choice with a literal sex goddess and an SS+ tier short stack who fits my personal preferences with high tolerance machined precision.


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    Mimic spent the night sucking her least and most favorite tentacle in the whole wide world, while her Kraken continued to express their displeasure with every Undead stupid enough to come within a long tentacle reach of Calverton''s waterways.


    In the morning I toweled everybody dry after they went through the tub with Saffron. That''s a whole ''nother thing that''s weirding my ass out right now. Just like yesterday, Menace led everybody in, one of the shelter girls refusing to meet my gaze as Isnomi towed her along by the hand. Two by two the kids got scrubbed clean by Saffron, then came out to me to get toweled dry. Some of them reveled in my strength, even giggling when I managed to lift them while spinning them around with the towel. Others preferred I pad them dry like I did with Maze.


    But all that turned out pure appetizer to what followed as, one by one the women from the shelters crept into the tub with Saffron. Way more gentle than she was with the kids, she sponged each of them clean, saving any rough scrubbing for caked on dirt on their knees, their feet. A few of them covered their faces while she did that. Washed their feet. She spoke with each of them, quietly asking them about their lives before the shelters. Not about what drove them out, but what they''d done, what they enjoyed doing, what had given them joy before someone stole it away from them. Some of them cried. One broke down completely and clung to her, sobbing, as Saffron gently stroked her back. When she finished, Saffron pulled fresh water to sponge her face clean from the tear tracks, then kept washing and talking like nothing had happened, like she''d expected it. Like the woman who''d grabbed at her had nothing to fear, nothing to repay, like it was just what she as a person deserved.


    I''m pretty sure my Kitten had fallen apart like that at some point, alone with nobody but her Grandma and her infant daughter. Or maybe by herself, while Grandma kept Isnomi safe.


    Then they''d come to me and I''d towel them dry. I tried my best, but while I may love me some love, I''m kinda shit at both small talk and anything an adult would take as kind without being horny on main. So I stuck to stupid practical topics, like whether they liked the food, or had enough blankets, or needed anything. Turned out our refugee supply coordination, which consisted mainly of one magically engineered tiger lady and one pregnant woman, had forgotten about feminine hygiene products. Go figure. Everything I manage to excel in when it comes to helping people comes down to blood and shit.


    Fuck it, somebody''s gotta be the janitor. If mopping the puke off the floor makes them love me, give me a fuckin'' mop.


    So today got a tiny bit exhausting. Another day of construction at the new house. Well, construction prep, really. Saffron decided against ''balloon frame'', whatever that is, but didn''t want concrete or cobbled stone for the walls, either. So as a test, she had me make fuckin'' magma. Like, not real magma. She had me dig a hole separate from the foundation holes Marie was shoring up and policing, put rocks in it, then pour Fire Bolts into it, one at a time, slow as fuck, until the entire pile of rocks melted into a gooey mass. Then she had me do it again, over and over and over. Okay, I think by the end of the day I''d only done that like five times, but holy shit that was a lot of work.


    The one that she flash cooled with repeated Create Waters wound up looking like it might be a solid block of obsidian or some shit like that, right up until it cracked in half. The others looked less and less like actual glass the longer we let them cool. I''m not sure, but I''m thinking she''s gonna custom craft the rock for the walls. Which is gonna fuckin'' exhaust me, but fuck it. She absolutely feeds me all the best treats. Woof.


    Overwatch atop the mast of the Black Dragon felt weird. Like prior to the attempted ambush of Marie, which even thinking about makes me angry enough to ash or smash another part of the City, it had been quiet, but it was the kind of quiet you felt when your friend''s dad got paroled and came to visit, and maybe brought a couple forties and some Henny with him, so you got quiet so he didn''t hear either of you, because if he didn''t know you were there, he''d spend his time with your friend''s mom, but if you made yourself obvious, he might get pissed and start swinging. Or he might not get pissed, and that could be even worse. But now, after I killed the living fuck out of a major Lich, ripped the Undeath out of a thousand babies, smashed a four lane highway through the middle of the City, and shredded a unit of Spartans and an Athenian High Priest, the silence had a completely different quality.


    It felt like I was the dad coming home on parole.


    But at the end of the day, neither of those really mattered. I mean, yeah, they did. Building a home? Fuck yeah. Scaring the fucking Undead into submission? Fuck it, they fucking deserve it after throwing all their babies down a hole. But...


    Once everybody had some breakfast in them, Maze came over to me, and I stepped us to the Academy suite, where I flopped down on Isnomi''s increasingly unused toddler bed and watched Saffron code while Maze went to the shelves for I Shall Wear Midnight. But instead of climbing into my lap, she reached out her hand for me. That''s when I saw she had Wee Free Men in her hands.


    "You sure?" She just nodded, so I stepped her back to our suite at Lancaster House.


    Liam made grumpy bitch noises when Maze started at the beginning again, but one look from Menace and he shut his ass up. Definitely my Kitten''s daughter. So for the entire day, while first the girls, then a few of the younger women, then eventually the entire bedroom sat in a semicircle around Maze, she sat in my lap and read them a tale of a little girl going up against the Queen of the Elves armed with nothing but good boots, a frying pan, and a whole boatload of fuckin'' attitude.


    Guess this is ''be proud of my kids'' week.


    I''m totally down for it.

 Day Four Hundred And Five

    Dear Diary,


    "It is better to risk saving a guilty man than to condemn an innocent one."


    - Voltaire


    Fuck.


    I agree with that. I do. I remember my aunties playing me those old cartoons about, like, civics and shit. ''Innocent until proven guilty'' is just something every fuckin kid ever born understands. It''s not until people get some power and decide that maybe they don''t want other people taking that power away that they start with the ''prove your innocence'' shit.


    I mean, as a parent I guess that''s not entirely true. Flipping the script a little, I can totally see where the seven hundred forty second time I literally poked my older sister with a stick, my mom was fully justified in slapping my stupid ass upside the head. Not that I''m gonna be smacking my own kids, because from everything I read gentle parenting is way better for the kids. But still, I get that if you''re a single mom working three jobs with a migraine and no time to even find batteries for your vibe, let alone go on a date or take a spa day, you might skip the whole inquiry and trial phase and move directly to levying consequences against the perpetrator of the last hundred identical offenses.


    But, like, governments aren''t harried single moms. They''re not throwing mildly painful or annoying punishments at kids who jumped up and down on their button just to get a reaction. They''re, like, the source of power and shit. If they don''t have the money, it''s because they decided not to take it from the people who do have it. They''re vastly altering or even ending lives. Not only can they afford to be a little more cautious, they have an obligation to do so. If anything, gods need to be better than that, because for the most part gods aren''t even facing the existential guillotine of popular revolution.


    And I executed four Spartans because one of them cut somebody''s arm off.


    I had time to think about that yesterday. Mostly I tried to focus on not burning my shit off and listening to Wee Free Men, but my ADHD brain chose not to let me focus entirely on listening to the same thing for the third time in a row. Probably explicitly so I could sit there, staring at Calverton, feeling like the friend''s abusive dad listening to the dead silence after I walked in the door reeking of malt liquor with a bottle of Henny dangling from my hand.


    Got home, helped everybody to bed, declined the invitation Saffron implied with a glance eastward with a simple headshake, and settled into our vastly expanded cuddle puddle hoping the oxytocin would maybe ground me a little. Or at least let me feel a little less like the kind of horrifying piece of shit I''d been trying to fight against since I got here.


    Mimic dreamt of... lurking rhythmically, her emotional support tentacle in her mouth. Kraken are still pissed, and something Kraken-like but not had joined them in policing Calverton''s waters.


    In the morning extended refugee bath time lasted longer than it had the day before. Mostly because of the women. A little bit because a few of the girls realized Saffron wasn''t going to do anything but get them clean, so they stopped squirming and trying to hide themselves and let her go to town with sponge and washcloth and soap. Kinda funny watching her with some of the older ones, who were probably at least five years younger than her, but still bigger than she was. I''m not gonna say shit like she reminds me of The Lord of the Rings, but she would totally cut a path through the fuckin'' Shire leaving eternally thirsty in memory of her Hobbits in her wake. Seeing her treating the tweenish girls just like the babies amused me for no good goddamned reason. Probably the juxtaposition of my normal response to her and her current wholesome Mom vibes.


    Yeah, definitely had to work to remember to check up on everybody''s shark week supplies today.


    But it was the adult women who really slowed things down. Some of them had just let Saffron wash them yesterday, but hadn''t really opened up to her questions. For whatever reason, today most of them did. Shit, even the ones who''d done so yesterday just quietly poured their hearts out to her. Between the splashing of the soapy water as Saffron scrubbed them and how they kept their voices down, I didn''t hear more than a few disjointed details, but we had more breakdowns today than we had yesterday. She didn''t rush any of them, just sat there gently cleaning them, holding them, letting them set down, fuck, I dunno, years or even decades of hypervigilance in the safe, quiet space of the tub.


    It didn''t really occur to me until about halfway through that the only people I''d seen wash someone else were Moms and Maids. Both groups, here and now, who wound up filling ''servant'' roles a lot. By now they''d all seen her dressed up for work. I''m pretty sure they knew she was a High Priestess. Given that maybe one in ten of them were as well, they might even know the two of us were ''Highest'' Priestesses. I kinda wondered if they realized she was the Imperator, but they definitely felt, deep in places they might not even let themselves admit, the impact of a Highest Priestess, an obviously powerful one, serving them like it weren''t no thing.


    One of them, a olive skinned thirty something with almost greenish highlights in her hair, gently gripped my hand through the towel as I dried her. "Champion?"


    Taking my cue from her quiet question, I pulled her a little closer, pulled the towel up to rub her hair dry, and in the quiet space that created, answered, "what did you need?"


    Nodding toward Saffron, she murmured, "she... is yours?"


    Maybe blushing a little, I rubbed at her hair, then while I shifted the towel quietly replied, "more like I''m hers." Her eyes got a little wide, and I said, "yeah, I''m the Champion of the Alliance, but if you want to be a lot less formal? I''m..." I waited for her expression to show the tiniest spark of curiosity before I finished, "the Imperator''s Attack Dog." The look on her face as she realized what that meant about Saffron didn''t finish the Imperator''s Attack Dog right then and there, but it certainly made my next few lines a little hoarser. I held her, kept her from shrinking away as I dried her off a little more, then pulled her a little closer. "She''s got a thing for blondes, but I don''t think she''d be offended that you asked." Something in her gaze warmed, heading toward heat, and I shook my head the tiniest fraction.


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    She stuttered out, "I... I..."


    I took a moment to dry off her face, then pulled the towel around her head and draped it, giving us a tiny quiet space again. "You''re safe here. We will keep you safe. You don''t need to give either of us anything for that. You don''t need to ingratiate yourself to us. You don''t need to use that to convince us. You''re. Safe."


    Tears rimmed her eyes, but didn''t spill as she whispered, "but what if I... want?"


    I smiled, putting on my best sincere Goof. "After."


    She blinked, a few of those tears falling, glancing around at the kids as she said, "after?"


    With the tiniest headshake, I explained, "after you have your own place. Your own people around you. When you feel safe without us in arms'' reach day and night. When you''re whole again, when no one could possibly doubt that when you say ''I want'', you mean ''I want'' instead of ''I should'' or ''I must'' or even fucking hint at ''she said''."


    "My... my own place?"


    "Sure. Lots of spots open here in Lancaster. Shit tons open in Calverton. Even a few in Phileo, the Yards, Newark, and New Amsterdam." I shot her the kind of grin you gave people in on the joke. "Prolly gonna be a bunch of Jarls who want workers in Norfolk soon, but most of those guys are kinda assholes."


    She laughed, hiccupped, and leaned into me, the unshed tears from earlier flowing freely. I held her as long as she needed, watching as Saffron talked with the next woman in the bath. Eventually she pushed herself upright just enough to brace her forehead against mine. "After."


    I smiled for her. "If you still want, yeah, sure."


    She glanced down my front, definitely giving me ''reprobate after my own heart'' vibes when it roamed back up, lingering every few inches, tracing my curves and scars. When our gazes met again, her tongue slipped out of her mouth to run across her lips. With the tiniest of nods brushing her nearly dry hair against my forehead, she quietly declared. "After."


    I laughed, spun her about as easily as I ever did with the kids, and gave her a shove on the butt to propel her toward Marie, who''d just finished her stitch witchery with the previous woman.


    After the last one, as Saffron scrubbed at me while Marie left to guide our collection of refugees down to breakfast, she playfully asked, "so was that your quietest Just Happening yet behind that towel?"


    I laughed and stole a kiss before she pushed me back down to do more work on my hair. "Yeah, I think she started out looking for permission to sample my short stack."


    It took her a second, at which point she dunked me, laughing the whole time. Not my usual preference, but she had a certain bloom of maturity about her.


    Down girl! No sampling the refugees! When she paused a moment, I thought, Hilde.


    When she let me up she pulled me to her, holding me close enough for comfort, far enough to talk, as we sank into the water. "But Devorah''s a woman grown?"


    I shook my head. "Yeah, but she''s completely helpless right now. She''d jump on whatever cock or vag she thought would keep her safe." When she frowned, I interrupted before she could argue. "She might not even realize she''s doing it. It''s an ingrained response. Hell, it''s a trauma response in humans. Trauma bonding. When you''re hurt you wanna pack bond with anybody who you think will protect you. In humans, that means fuckin. Well, a lot of the time it does."


    "But you haven''t said anything so far?"


    I shrugged. "So far it''s been holding. Listening. Doing for them while they recover enough to do for themselves. Showing them that the Imperator of the fuckin'' Alliance will wash their fuckin'' feet without expecting a goddamned thing from them."


    She frowned. "I expect loyalty."


    I smiled at her, bunting her forehead with mine. "And to get it you gave first. Protection, care, support. You didn''t open up with ''putting them in their place''." I stopped, surprised at myself. "Wait, maybe you did?" I smiled at her. "You mommed them. You totally fuckin'' mommed them, showed them that our ''pack'' is gonna take care of them now."


    She smiled softly, arms sliding around me and pulling me just a little close, skin on skin dosing us with oxytocin and endorphins. "It... just seemed natural, the thing to do."


    "Yeah, and that''s why I love you."


    She slipped up, kissed me, long and lingering, then slipped back away far enough to say, "and I you, love. So is treating them like my daughters, to introduce them to our ''pack'', not a type of ''trauma bond''?"


    I shrugged. "Yeah, but a lot less unhealthy, and we''re not using them." At her questioning look, I explained, "back where I''m from, it was a really common thing. Find somebody in a shitty situation, pull them out, then use their gratitude to, shit, basically turn them into a full service domestic slave and shit." After a moment, a realization hit. "Fuck, I think that''s why I don''t like the whole ''Hero''s Reward'' thing."


    "You. Don''t like it. When I reward you?"


    I laughed. "I don''t mean you. I mean, like, getting my, your, our collective freak on with folks whose asses we pulled out of the fire."


    She sighed softly, then smiled at me with a tease on her lips. "That could sound increasingly like some kind of plot for you to keep me all to yourself, you realize?"


    I laughed, then blushed a little. "Uh..." When she raised an eyebrow and waited, I laughed and said, "I might have invited her to, ah, take you for a spin when she''s settled and ready to do it because she wants to get her freak on with her face buried in those magnificent tits."


    "Ooh. Magnificent. I like that word."


    "I like those tits."


    "I''m well aware. So, what was her response?"


    I sat there with my mouth open for a second, then chuckled at myself and said, "I think if I hadn''t just told her ''not until you''re ready'' she would have started licking my scars."


    A moment later a pair of us flopped onto the new bed, her straddling my waist with her hands pinning my biceps. She ran her tongue across her lips and purred out, "Devorah has wonderful ideas. I hope she recovers from what those bastards intended soon." At the mention of the Spartans, I froze up, a moment later almost convulsively reaching up to hug her to me as I shook. It took me a while to recognize the shaking as silent, dry sobs. "What''s wrong, love?"


    I opened my mouth, but I couldn''t speak. My fuckin Soul ached with self loathing at what I''d done. Even more at how I''d done it. Most of all at how much I''d enjoyed every second of it. Even now I had to hold Saffron still as she responded to my body''s reaction to those memories.


    "Are you well, love?" I shook my head. "Do you want to talk about it?" I nodded. "Okay then." She waited. As the two of us reached the breakfast table, she murmured, "in your own time, love."


    She held me there as, outside our soft, private little world, she ran the Alliance and worked her next world changing Spell, while I listened to our daughter read to new friends and old and tried desperately not to think about how I''d become the Tyrant I''d tried so desperately not to become as even the fucking Undead cowered in fear of me.


    Fuck.

 Day Four Hundred And Six

    Dear Diary,


    "Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one."


    - Stella Adler


    I feel that. Oh, my god do I feel that.


    You are welcome to visit at any time, Daughter.


    Thanks Dad. I know. Love you. But not right now.


    So yeah, the past two days have given me plenty of time to think about how hard I''ve fought to make the world I''ve found myself in a better place. How I realized pretty fuckin'' early on that, like a lot of places where there ought to be enough for everybody to get by, to survive and maybe even thrive, and yet the world has turned into an absolute shitpile, that there''s some asshole sitting on a pile of bodies so he can get himself a slightly less shitty place to sit. Fuck, like a lot of those places, the fucker somebody standing on the bottom layer isn''t even anywhere near the top of the shitpile, not responsible for anything like most of the death and misery.


    To be honest, in that first week, sitting alone in my room polishing the pearl to the thought of being rich and famous, I don''t think I even thought about trying to topple that pyramid of shit. Not one fuck given about even going after the fucker on top and using the remains of his skull as a shovel to destroy that pyramid, to shovel the crap down onto the fields like fertilizer. I didn''t even think about the fact that those dudes on top could be toppled, that the pyramid could be dismantled. At best maybe I thought about snagging a spot a little higher up on the pyramid for me and mine. Yeah, I wanted the title ''Hero'', and I was absolutely down to do the work and help people to make it happen, but I don''t think I really understood, deep inside, that even here in Phileo and the Yards, ''Hero'' might not be a knight in shining armor out to help everybody. I sure as fuck didn''t think about what it meant that it should be.


    Then... the Equinox. I didn''t stand up to Artemis to prove myself or topple a tyrant or any happy bullshit like that. I did it to save my kid. I mean, fuck, I did it in a way that is absolutely me, although when I look back to then and there, I realize that the me I was back at Eastside may never have had the guts to throw down with, I dunno, Vladimir Putin or some other ''World Leader''. Before you @ me about him being old and shit, I read somewhere he was a fuckin'' assassin in his youth, and the fact that he lived out of ''youth'' to ''old fuck'' means he was good at it. Pleasantly plump me from back at Eastside would have been lucky to get out of that as a fucked up cripple. More likely I''d have wound up a defiled corpse. But by the Equinox? I''d had duBois teaching me about how to fuck shit up, not to mention Saffron, Isnomi, and Marie giving me a reason why. But me fucking up Artemis'' shit wasn''t some kind of big political statement. Just me protecting my family, and scaring the shit out of anybody who might think about extending the cycle of violence.


    Fuck, if I''ve done anything right here and now it''s generally that. Find the local cycle of violence, ride that shit to the top, then pull the wheels off and rip them to pieces. Just like I ripped the Army of New Amsterdam and Newark to pieces. Y''know, it''s kinda odd, but I think right then and there is when I realized I might actually be able to make a fuckin'' difference. Not, like, lifting a brick into place and shouting, ''I''m doing my part'' like some self-centered self-important little shit, but actually setting my feet, lifting with my knees and my back, and maybe actually doing some damage not just to the unlucky fucker on the tier above me, but the pyramid itself.


    By the Spring Equinox I tried that. I''d spent an entire Season mostly saving people instead of killing the shit out of them. I mean, yeah, Dragon. Yeah, assholes from Calverton, led by the High Priest of King Arse himself. But for the most part, for once I got to be the savior rather than the shit wrecker, and that shit felt good. Hell, I think that may have been the first time short of my found family and Sister Siobhan, and don''t start with her joining up because I''m not putting any fucking expectations on that relationship whatsoever thank you very much. Except, y''know, maybe some fucking. Okay, fuck, back at the plot, on the Spring Equinox I caught two of the fuckers sitting on the top tier of Shit Pyramid as I stood up and flipped that shit. Yeah, I killed them. Yeah, I''d fuckin'' do it again. But mostly, on that day, I saved people.


    Then... Norfolk. Maybe I''d gotten so fucked up on the Equinox that I forgot. Shit, from what Loki tells me, maybe I really did get some brain damage that didn''t go away because it never really got healed. But... Norfolk. I read once about how the bombs at Hiroshima and Nagasaki ''saved lives''. Made no fuckin'' sense until the History teacher explained that the Japanese people were absolutely prepared to defend their country to the last, which would have led to millions of casualties, most of them Japanese, since just to get to the islands the US would have had to cut through most of the military, so it would have been combat hardened soldiers with military gear against farmers and housewives and factory workers with whatever they could scrounge. I mean, shit, they might have pulled it off. I remember news about some hardcore fuckers over in Ukraine doing shit like that right before I got Isekaied. But whoever was in charge went with shock and awe. Dropped two bombs which just scared the Japanese so bad it broke them. Yeah, kinda my modus operandi, I''m aware. I killed a lot fewer people in Norfolk than I did in New Amsterdam. Hell, I''m pretty sure I might have killed fewer people in Norfolk than I did fighting against Calverton. Not only that, but every fucker I killed was a Jarl or one of their designated Champions. People sitting at least two tiers up on the shit pyramid. I straight up stomped the local pyramid down a tier, and did my best to let everybody know that the pyramid itself needed to get a lot fuckin'' flatter. A little elevation so the woman organizing things can see everybody they''re responsible for, so they can see her, so nobody gets lost or pulls any shady shit like trying to build a new pyramid while nobody''s looking is fine, I guess. But the moment you can''t smell the shit everybody else is standing in, you''re too fuckin'' high. Shit, I wanna go on about fighting Hole Spawn and the fuckin'' Undead Dragon, but that was basically just pest control. That didn''t budge the pyramid at all. Hell, while I was doing that Jarl killing and organizing our Calverton Expedition, I straight up did War Crimes to people in Norfolk. Some of them because they maybe deserved it for trying to use a crisis to elevate themselves, sure, but it''s not like I''ve lowered my fuckin'' own self during this ongoing fuckin'' crisis for the past year. Shit, some of them were literally just following completely legal and even maybe justified orders, and I cut their fuckin'' toes off. I cut their toes off because I was flirting with some of them, for fuck''s sake.


    Toe cutting is not a love language!


    For the past couple months, I''ve just been overseeing the Undead extermination in Calverton. I mean, yeah, I''ve been fucking around with the kids, planning Saffron''s birthday party, doing some long term planning for the seduction of my platinum blonde beauties, and now literally laying the groundwork for our house, but in terms of ''shit wrecking'' and ''pyramid stomping'', nada. Until this past week. First, the store brand sorcerer tried to kill Marie and I burned him out of existence. I don''t really feel super guilty about that. Maybe a little irresponsible, like I could have gotten more intel or some shit, but not guilty. Tiny bit of guilt about vandalizing Olympus, but again, that''s more about doing it as part of a bitch fit tantrum than some kind of actual statement about how the shit pyramid is gonna be leveled, and anybody currently occupying a high place on the pyramid might want to look for new accommodations. Saving those babies... shit, saving those babies is the one thing I''ve done lately that I''m proud of, sort of. I mean, I''m proud I got to be the one to do it. I''m sorta proud that I had the strength to do it; if this is what I''ve been training for all this time, yeah, I''m proud of that. I''m not really ''oh, look at all the Good I''ve Done'' proud, because at the end of the day I didn''t make a moral decision there. I just did what anybody worthy of drawing breath would do if they had the strength. I did the bare. Fucking. Minimum.


    Shit, I even handed off the most important parts to the Maenads, and in doing so fucked up some other shit.


    Glad I could airlift the refugees out. Not even proud a little bit about not, y''know, replacing their Spartan abusers with me, because again, that''s not a moral decision. That''s just doing the bare fucking minimum.


    Yeah, lately I''ve had one fuckin'' moral decision to make, and I fucked it up. I violated six people in every way possible because they pissed me off. Okay, yeah, one of them cut a woman''s arm off and threatened to rape her. He still had her in hand, and I don''t know if I could have rescued her without killing him. But then, I didn''t torture him to death. I just executed him, fast and relatively clean. I mean, okay, I didn''t look. He might have been aware and awake as his brain lost oxygen, but without a spine he wasn''t hurting and, again, violent criminal with a wounded hostage. Fuck that guy in particular.


    This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.


    Athena''s High Priest I''m gonna call a wash. Bitch straight up admitted that he planned on watching the rape, murder, and abduction of all those refugees and not raise a fuckin'' hand to stop it. I''m not super proud about how I did it, but at that point I wanted to send Athena a very clear message. If you''ve got the power to say ''no'' to the rapist at any point between ''I''m gonna rape her'' and ''toss her body behind a dumpster'', and instead you cheer him on, or even just sit there passively watching, filing that shit away in your fuckin'' spank bank, I''m gonna judge you as an accomplice. Because even if you never lay a hand on her, you failed the minimum possible standard of saying ''no''. In fact, I''m pretty sure somebody like that would be sitting in the jury box wondering she ''didn''t say no'', ''didn''t fight back'', and ''what about his promising swimming career''. Fuck that guy too.


    There were five other guys there. Yeah, they had Spartan uniforms. Yeah, they were clearly with the rapey fucker I executed. The evidence is absolutely circumstantial, but I''m prepared to declare them guilty of ''intent to enslave'', maybe even ''intent to murder''. Yes, those are crimes on in Phileo, and while I wasn''t in Phileo, that''s what it says on my badge, so I''m gonna go with that for now. But I can''t even be certain on ''intent to rape'', what with so many Greek fuckers historically being boy kissers. I mean, shit, ''I''m Gay as fuck and can''t get it up while someone with a vag is in the room'' is a powerful counter-argument to a dude raping a room full of women. Not enough to prove innocence, but I talked about that the other day, and it''s sure as fuck enough to introduce ''reasonable doubt''.


    So yeah, they didn''t have hostages. They hadn''t done anything that I''d seen or even heard of. They were just five dudes in enemy uniforms, and after I killed their boss they weren''t looking to do any more raping or pillaging. Fuck, at one point one of them tried to run away. Everything after that was just proof they had less chance than the poor fuckin'' Levies at the Battle of the Walls. Shit, I killed a fuckton of Levies, and I wrecked Oliver''s shit more thoroughly than most people are capable of surviving, but he''d just betrayed and murdered my wife, and I was pissed about that. What I did to those five poor fucks... Shit, I shoved one asshole''s still-conscious head up another motherfucker''s ass, and I forgot about him and left him there, because I was enjoying killing the rest of them too much.


    I thought about that shit all day long while Saffron held me. When night rolled around, I did my toilet monitor thing, giving each kid a quick hug to let them know I wasn''t mad at them, wasn''t sad about anything they''d done. Then, when we had all and sundry settled, I thought, Marie?


    She joined us a moment later, then slid alongside me, holding me, a warm blanket to my Saffron pillow. "I murdered them."


    Saffron ran her hand over my hair. "Who would ''they'' be exactly?"


    I took a deep breath and blew the air out of my nose. "The five Spartans at the hideout."


    Marie tensed a little, then started purring. Saffron calmly asked, "are we talking about the murderous slaver rapists?"


    "You don''t know that."


    She blinked. "Marie, have Spartans coming to a Dionysian shelter done aught but murder, rape, and enslave the women there?"


    "No."


    "There you have it. They were there to murder, rape, and enslave those women."


    I shrugged. Didn''t fucking matter. "So I could have taken their left feet off or some shit. I didn''t have to kill them."


    "Why would you do that? So they could return to Sparta, tell them of your existence? Give them yet another reason to send their filth at Phileo, and while we''re still recovering from Apollo''s Plague, still dealing with the Undead results of his Divine tantrum?"


    "Fine." I barked. "I could have killed them clean. Just ash their fuckin'' heads. All six of them, Athena''s bitch included."


    "So you fought them instead..."


    "NO!" I deflated a second later. "No. No, I didn''t fight them." I barked out something not entirely unlike a laugh. "Fight them. They couldn''t even fucking see me. Fight me? They fucking ran away."


    I swear Marie drenched my goddamned leg right then and there. "Vlickies..."


    "The actual fuck?"


    "Spartans broke and ran?" For the first time in a long time, Saffron sounded completely gobsmacked. "Are... are you sure?"


    "They were in a kind of circle formation. None of them could see. I disarmed them, tore their armor to shreds, and one of them tried to run."


    "Tried?"


    "I tossed him back at the pile. Then I murdered them one by one."


    "Executed. Killed in combat. Not murdered."


    "I. Murdered. Them. This wasn''t a fight. Even if it had been, they''d lost. I sliced the first dude in half from crotch to crown, then got so turned on I did it again, then got pissed when that dude didn''t scream right, did it again, got so pissed at that dude that before his brain died I rammed his head up another dude''s ass, burned that dudes brain to ash and called it mercy, then killed the other one so I could use him as a puppet to fuck with the Athenian bitch."


    Marie whined, and I couldn''t accurately describe what she was doing as ''dry humping'' my leg.


    "Fuck, Marie! I''m here fucked up about the fact that I damn near got off on murdering the shit out of those guys." Saffron opened her mouth, and I snapped, "fine! I nearly got off on executing the fuck out of those guys. Fuck, I might have and missed it, I was fuckin'' drunk off my ass, even a little high I think. Shit, fuck, dammit!" Marie clutched at my leg so hard it creaked, and I screamed in frustration.


    Saffron lay one cool, gentle hand on each of our foreheads. "Stop." We both froze, even if Marie was still panting and twitching. "Marie? How many do they have?"


    Marie almost whimpered out, "Four."


    "The fuck?"


    "You are aware of Sparta''s pogrom?"


    I shook my head. "Uh. Kinda? Something about them killing off Maenads back in the day? And other worshippers of Dionysus?"


    She shook her head. "No, love. Not ''back in the day''. They have been killing Maenads and followers of Dionysus whenever and wherever they could catch them for over three hundred years."


    "Holy fuck."


    "Yes, that is exactly what our dear Marie was doing to your leg, but focus. How many have they killed?"


    "Eight."


    I blinked. "Killed? I thought you were immortal?"


    "Fire."


    "Oh. Oh, holy shit. Didn''t you tell me that a Maenad doesn''t die until she''s torn to bits?" She nodded. "Oh." My gorge rose at the thought. "Oh, fuck."


    "Another thing the Spartans routinely do before they murder a Maenad or a follower of Dionysus."


    My anger tried to spark, ran into my guilt at what I''d done. "Sick. Fucks."


    She nodded again. "Yes."


    "Wait, I can''t see them being able to hold a Maenad. They''d just step to M-Space and leave."


    Saffron sighed. "Much as you once were, love, they are bound by Cold Iron. Spiked to torture devices. Used by Spartans to ''train'' their new ''Heroes''."


    "The fuck? Not really combat training if somebody''s pinned down."


    "I didn''t say combat training." That was fuckin'' it. Fuck that noise. Greece needed another new volcano. "STOP."


    I froze and ground out. "Why?"


    "First, there are women and children and slaves in Sparta. Maybe as many as there are non-Heroes in Phileo. Most of them, even the ''wives'' of the Heroes, are slaves in all but name. I know you, my love. Were your wrath unleashed on Sparta, they would suffer, and you would torture yourself evermore over it."


    "I''ll. Be. Fuckin''. Careful."


    "No, love. Not careful enough. Not thorough enough, either. We are not ready."


    "We?"


    She pulled herself upright, pulling Marie and my heads into her lap, where we looked up at her, the Imperator commanding. "Do you think I would allow that situation to stand?"


    "No." Marie and I echoed.


    "But I cannot sacrifice the innocents of the Alliance to rescue four Maenads. So before we do? We. Must. Be. Ready."


    The fire within me banked by Saffron''s steel Soul, I whispered, "for what?"


    "For their inevitable counterattack. Sparta''s. Their ''allies''. Olympus." She took a deep breath, and Marie and I held ours. "We will free Calverton. We will deal with our other neighbors in whatever fashion they deserve, so long as they know that their choices are to back us, remain neutral, or die with Sparta''s ''heroes''. We will build our Cities and Armies and Navy up until no conceivable Europan forces could breach them. Then, and only then..."


    She waited. Not like it''s hard to outwait me at the best of times. "And then?"


    "Then the Imperator''s Attack Dog will rescue our long lost Maenads."


    "When do we kill the fucking piece of shit Spartans?"


    She smiled down at me, and I suddenly understood once more that ''smile'' did not always mean nice, or kind, or any kind of thing you''d want children near. "When they and any allies foolish enough to march with them leave their Cities. Then, and only then, on the field of battle, far from any innocents they might hide behind, we will slaughter each and every one who will not submit."


    "Why the fuck would you leave any of them alive?" I growled.


    Her next words convinced me right then and there that anyone most afraid of me or Marie was focused on the wrong fucking danger. "Because the final generation of Spartan Heroes will learn what it means to be slaves, as they spend the rest of their emasculated lives tearing Sparta brick from brick, then using the remainder repairing every iota of damage Sparta has ever caused, until each and every one of them dies, exhausted, in chains."

 Day Four Hundred And Seven

    Dear Diary,


    "Art is not a handicraft, it is the transmission of feeling the artist has experienced."


    - Leo Tolstoy


    Yeah, I can feel that. Goes for music and, shit, even books and stuff too. Not like that''s as hard when you can just say stuff, but all of it is all about communicating feels. Like you read a poem about plums and get hungry, or read a book where an old holy man dies and you feel some weird kind of happy-sad, or watch a movie about fuckin'' Thermopylae and tear up, or listen to some song where the lyrics are pure thirst and instead of horny you get creeped right the fuck out, and not in a ''uh, oh, molester creeping'' way, but in a ''oh, shit, nightmare shit gonna steal my liver and toenails''. I guess visuals maybe hit different, though. We''re a visual species.


    My Kitten knows all this.


    So last night after Saffron laid out her plan for Sparta to Marie and I, she carted us back off to bed. Well, after after. I couldn''t sleep for a while, but I think being focused in that one spot, buried in the middle of a pile of warm, cozy bodies, really helped my sense of self, my sense of trying to be, I dunno, a better person, an exemplar of what a Deity ought to be, while still remaining, y''know, me.


    Didn''t hurt at all that Mimic Dreams, not long before false dawn, featured the return of my chibi Sushi Chefs and all their beans. Focused, oddly enough, not on feeding her, but on gently doing telekinetic massage on all her poor burned tentacles. Okay, less ''telekinetic'' and more maybe ''erotic'' on the Once and Future Tentacle, but then that one was Marie''s sole focus, and Saffron joined her right before I woke up.


    By decree of the Imperator, I spent Sunday with Loki. He did some shit to my Soul that felt like eucalyptus tastes mixed with the way aloe smells, and by the end of the day a kind of itching, burning residue I''d been living with since the week before was gone. I mean, I still felt some kinda way about the Spartans, no change there, but I maybe felt a little less constant pain layered over the scars, y''know?


    Got home, helped put the kids to bed, and spent another night asleep in the middle of a pile of warm, loving bodies.


    Mimic Dreamt of chibi chef massage again, only this time Saffron and Marie weren''t even trying to hide the whole ''this shit gonna end with a happy ending'' on the Tentacle of Last Resort. Weird as fuck when Mimic straight up deep throated that thing, sucking massage oil and masseuses alike off it, only to have them start up the moment it slithered back out. Dreams. Weird as fuck, and just keep getting weirder.


    Spent the day on overwatch maybe the tiniest bit less self-loathing. Yeah, the Undead feared me, but fuck the undead, especially the fuckin'' Liches, who seemed to have retained some measure of intelligence and maybe sanity, who could just come up and ask me ''hey, can I be not-Undead'' and even if maybe I couldn''t do for them what I did for the kids, at least I wouldn''t be straight up Smiting them while they asked for help, because I may be an ever expanding variety pack of bitch, but Tabitha''s Bitch Factory (Trademark Pending) doesn''t produce ''Betrayal Bitch''. At least if I hope if I ever do, Marie and Saffron team up to kick my ass back into sanity.


    For whatever reason, ADHD brain decided to get lost in Maze''s reading, to the point I low key kinda groaned along with everybody else when she closed the book and announced it was dinner time.


    But the big thing today was when Saffron carried me to Phileo, popped a little Air Shield box in the sky above the Parkway Park, and propped me up to stare at the mural across the front of the Academy. I spent the morning staring at the images some nameless Phileo artist had drawn across my first Phileo home''s marble front. While part of my brain tried to remind me exactly how badly I''d fucked up with the Spartans, how that was my true nature, how eventually I''d wind up doing that to everyone I interacted with, the rest of me looked at how other people saw me. Well, at least one somebody, but they saw me that way strongly enough to plaster that shit all over the front of a major municipal building.


    Fighter. Yeah. Because at the time it happened, the only other serious life or death fight I''d ever been in was against Artemis'' High Priestess. Fuck, before that I''d fuckin'' run away from a little shit like Rocky the Runt. Yeah, they didn''t know what hit them. But at the time, I didn''t fuckin'' know what I was hitting them with either. Yeah, I killed a bunch of people. Maimed a bunch of others. That''s war. Shit happens. I wasn''t even fuckin'' in charge of that one. Like, not even ''field commander'' like I was in Calverton. Just an untried troop who happened to have enough talent that I hit the Army of New Amsterdam and Newark like a sledgehammer hitting an egg. Before anybody even brings up ''raw'' or ''hard boiled'', think about whether that affects the fate of the egg in the slightest.


    Healer. Shit, that one I actually feel proud of. Not, like, have an intellectual understanding that I might have done something good, but it felt good. Even while I did it, under the sweat and puke and snot, in and around the exhaustion and despair at how many people I failed to save, how many people we didn''t get to in time, I felt good, every time I Cured somebody, every time I saw another person who would have left a grieving family instead walk away, as healthy as they had been beforehand. Hell, maybe healthier.


    Defender. If I did the whole ''fighting'' thing right anywhere since I got here, it was against Calverton. Yeah, I think I killed a few people. I had to stop them before they got to noncombatants. But I went for disabling shots, left them alive with as much in the way of shelter and supplies as we could spare, and wasn''t getting my freak on killing people in new and creative ways. I mean, yeah, the mural only shows the fight against the Dragon, but even there, I wasn''t the one with the kill shot. I just got in the way and distracted that big fucker, kept him from doing irreparable harm to the folks under my protection. Saffron killed it. And even if Saffron uses me for a Moral Compass, I still trust her when it comes to making decisions about ''this opponent is too dangerous to fuck around with''.


    Liberator. Even the first time I saw it, I caught that implication. Sure as fuck the artist intended it. When I got to Lancaster, it had the worst ''women as property'' situations I''d ever personally experienced, and sure as fuck one of the worst I''d heard about in my own lifetime. I''d say ''short of actual slavery'', but when you''re locked in the ''women''s quarters'' your entire life, delegated to cooking and being a ejaculation receptacle for the ''master of the house'', I can''t see a meaningful difference. By the time we left, Lancaster House, seat and source of power not just in Lancaster, but hugely influential throughout Phileo, had a woman sitting coequal with the dude running the place.


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    Heh. ''Coequal''. Every time I thought about that I thought about Bonnie''s preferred public image, one she''d probably edged off of a little as her baby bump made it a little less comfy for her. Draped over Larry''s shoulder like a shawl, taking ''has his ear'' literally as often as it was figurative. Knowing without a doubt that stupid people saw her as Larry''s bimbo arm candy, not giving a shit so long as they knew she was Larry''s, and able to act as a secondary external brain pack and conscience without anybody realizing. Like a horny Jiminy Cricket, or a sexy shoulder angel. I totally understood, since despite the heat where we hovered, Saffron hadn''t left her position draped across my back, her mouth next to my ear, constantly murmuring affirmations and flirtations. Didn''t help that much like Marie, I''d had to brace my feet in the back corners of the box and lean on the front to keep from sliding around. Some positions just feel kinda hot, and when somebody decides to imitate an article of clothing while you''re wearing them, it doesn''t reduce that feeling in the slightest.


    Pretty sure she''d have started shit right there if I hadn''t wriggled every time her hands started to wander, forcing her to grab onto my shoulders or go sliding off of me. After the first couple times she kept her hands held tight to me, but maybe sorta ramped up the teasing suggestions about my heroic rewards a little bit. Which, from my wife, who I adored, and who I literally set above me in every way I could, I was completely willing to accept.


    Right around noon, she twisted a little bit and said, "what..." But not in any kind of alarmed voice, just a mild curiosity. I''d been staring at the Walls part of the picture, thinking about the connections between Elatha, Sengann, and Apollo, idly wondering if I''d have to deal with the remaining portion of that trio, so I just held still and let her look.


    I tingled where she Co-Located away, then again when she returned. "Goddess. Come."


    I grinned, knowing she''d hear it even if she didn''t see it. "Right here, where everybody can see?" I paused half a beat, then followed that up with, "I don''t think I''m gonna be down for drunk sex any time soon, but maybe once I am, sure."


    She nipped at my ear, then said, "Not what I meant, but I''m holding you to that, stone cold sober. Now, come with me."


    Before I could voice the flirty bullshit about timing and simultaneous release that percolated up through my brain, because them tits shifting gently against my back all morning had been more than a little distracting and titillating, and holy fuck is that where that word comes from? But she pulled us both to some spot I didn''t quite recognize at first. Like, just north of the low hills the Big Seven stood on, where a flood plain would be if the Delaware had one. I didn''t see anything at first, but then she turned me to face northeast and pointed. I still couldn''t see what she meant; a bunch of glare reflecting off some of the buildings made it a little annoying to even look that way.


    "Fuckin'' glare... what am I lookin'' at again?"


    "Exactly."


    I blinked, then let my eyes unfocus a little, stopped trying to avoid the glare and let it sink in. Not just the shape of the shiny glare patches, but the way the auras from that glare blended, intermingled into a single shape. A single figure. A silhouette of pure light, a bust rising above the horizon. A bust of a figure standing just south of New Amsterdam.


    Me.


    I don''t remember if I wondered what I looked like when I Mimicked Mimic''s size, pulled so much Mana that it almost tore me to shreds. I don''t remember a lot of that day. That shit hurt. That shit burned me, inside and out. I''ve had a lot of painful shit happen to me since I got here. My scars aren''t just decoration or memorabilia. The recent burns from dealing with the Undead Babies in Calverton were bad, but somehow the way I could think about them to compare, but my brain shied away from the pain of holding that much Mana spoke volumes to which one hurt more.


    I would do it again in a heartbeat.


    "This, love."


    "Huh?"


    "This. This is how we see you. Yes, you are Domnu''s daughter. There is Darkness in you. I''m not sure..." She paused and took a deep breath. "I''m not sure you could love me if there were not." Before I could reply to that, her fingertips lay against my lips. "There is Darkness in you, yes. When under the influence of the God of Intoxicated Madness himself, after he invoked your aspect of Bloodlust, you defiled and destroyed five men you could have simply killed. Five men who knowingly chose to hunt down Maenads, Dionysians, and abuse survivors with the intent to murder, rape, and enslave. Perhaps you are strong enough to fight darkness like that without calling on the darkness within you. In case I don''t say it often enough, I do not care."


    She pointed once more at the slowly fading sculpture of light someone had created. As I idly wondered what it would look like on the Spring Equinox, she said, "yes, there is darkness, but there is also light. Darkness, which, when pushed to your limits and begged, bullied, and commanded to by your allies, you will let tiny amounts of out to smite those who would commit atrocity. But the light? Oh, my Goddess, the light? The light that burns the darkness in you whenever you try to hold it? The light that you foster, create, embody even as it remains antithetical to your very nature? That you give to all of us willingly, joyfully, ecstatically, even as it destroys you from the inside out. Every person in the Alliance has heard of it by now, love. Most of them saw it with their own eyes. The light within you smiting disease and Disease alike, light of such stature that the entire Alliance could see it."


    She brought her hands down, cradling my face and drawing me down until I knelt before her. She mirrored me, pulling me down further until we knelt in that open field, foreheads touching. "But I see inside you, love. I feel it when you burn. I know how when you choose, when you think you have a choice, when you can do more than react, every single time you not only choose light, but choose to Glory in it, to brighten the world for everyone around you, even if you do it by lighting yourself on fire."


    I smiled down at her. "I''m..." I choked up a little, but forced out, "I''m not all that bright, love."


    She smiled, chuckled, and said, "do you know why I use your Mana to create Mana Blades when I need them?"


    "Because you prefer to pass out from me refusing to stop nomming on your lady bits?"


    She Grinned at me, mouthed, ''later'', and then shook her head. "Perhaps at first. But even now that I can make my own, I prefer this," She held out her right arm, elbow bent to point her hand at the sky, and extended a three foot glowing bar of white. "To this." She mirrored the action with her left arm, only this time a crackling, hissing bar of darkness extended upward.


    "Wow. I was mostly kidding when I said, ''dark much''."


    She smiled and said, "I know, love. It''s yet another reason I love you. You give me a reason to choose light, to be a better person."


    "But you do. I... didn''t."


    She dropped her Mana Blades, reached around the back of my head, grabbed my hair and forced my head around to look at the last vestiges of the fading light sculpture. "You. Did."


    I pulled my head back around, and even as I wondered at how it managed to remain attached to my scalp, pulled her lips to mine. A moment later we knelt on the new bed, and I pulled away long enough to say, "lights. Zero."


    In our tiny wireframe world, I murmured out, "sometimes you make me wish darkness wasn''t evil."


    She chuckled, a throaty thing that came from her belly and below, and growled, "who says it must be?" Before I could reply, she pulled my face down and made it impossible for me to talk. Not complaining. Magnificent. "Visceral. Primal. Savage." She hissed as my teeth might have maybe gotten a little nippy, but she didn''t pull me away in the slightest. "Yes, love. Show me. Show yourself. Darkness need not always be..."


    She gasped. Point to Tabitha. Shut her up mid-monologue without even covering her mouth.

 Day Four Hundred And Eight

    Dear Diary,


    "If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to the people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person."


    - Fred Rogers


    I read this one again today, and after the past couple days, it hit different. Look, at heart I''m just an orphaned kid from the worst kind of town; an old industrial powerhouse that got abandoned by the corporate overlords, left to rot as a symbol of ''what those people are like''. Deep down, some part of me can''t really believe that I make a difference in any real way. Okay, maybe to Saffron, or Marie, or the kids. Yeah, I can kinda see that, even if I''m surprised that I''m having a positive impact there. One me helping one person? Sure. I can understand that, accept it. Maybe helping one person at a time, or even, maybe, if both of us get just the right kind of lucky, helping one person in a way that completely alters the course of their life for the better.


    Fuck, that''s really what started most of this shit, really. I didn''t start this shit to make the world a better place. I started it to save one little girl. One baby, who I''d decided was mine. Hell, Saffron decided she was mine when she made me Isnomi''s Godmother. Maybe it''s some kinda flaw in my psychological makeup, but I can''t not take something like that seriously. Like, I know my mom wanted to do her best, and did the best she fuckin'' could for me. She literally worked herself to death for me, and yet still I''ve got some mommy issues. So I know how hard that shit can hit, and I also know how easy it is to fuck up, even giving a hundred and ten percent. So maybe yeah, I was absolutely ready to throw down with an incarnate Goddess to save that adorable rugrat.


    Every step of the way it''s been ''helping the people in front of me''. But now and then that''s meant ''putting the people endangering them through a mythical Cuisinart''. And I guess maybe telling the people who replaced them, the ones inheriting their temporal power, that the Cuisinart still had blades and power if they decided to continue the cycle of enshittification. God fuckin'' knows I''m not the right bitch to build shit up, what with my inherently shit wrecking ways.


    I know nothing of the sort, Daughter. But as you once realized while dealing with Laurence Lancaster, as a mentor sometimes you need to step in to assist, and other times you must let your prot¨¦g¨¦ work things out on their own.


    So I''m on my own?


    Never, child. I am always but a thought away, should you need me. I simply have the utmost confidence in your abilities, whether those be of destruction or creation.


    Thanks Boss. You''re the best.


    I know.


    So yesterday afternoon Saffron and I explored the potentials of darkness. Dunno if it''s weird that I closed my eyes for a lot of it, but then it''s different without light. Focused on touch, on smell, on taste and sound. The strangest thing might have been awareness of my own body. I mean, shit, normally I''d say I''m pretty fuckin'' grounded in myself, oddly enough. Yeah, sometimes there''s more than one of me kicking around, and very recently I might be watching from the perspective of my short stack Saffron or my Maenad Maid Marie, but in every case I''m not thinking about my body, I''m just being my body. But there, in the dark, eyes closed, I guess I had some extra clock cycles or something kicking around, because I realized that while the feel and sound of her responding to my questing tongue and fingers definitely lit up some neurons in the noggin, it was the smell of her that made my guts clench, that left me hungering for her touch.


    Imagine my surprise when, as we lay there gasping in momentary recovery late in the day, Saffron plopped us both back into the Lancaster House bedroom. Okay, she collapsed me to the me there, landing a her dressed in civvies next to me, squishing her best squishy bits against my arm and side. I blinked, looked over at her and, quietly so as not to interrupt Maze''s reading, said, "home early, love?"


    She stretched up to give me a kiss, then leaned against my shoulder to listen with the rest of the family and refugees. If any of them felt some kinda way about the Imperator showing up late and taking the best seat, nobody mentioned it. Focus, love.


    I mean, I was. Really.


    I''m well aware, Goof. But... this. More importantly, what comes after, is far more important for you than any amount of bed play. She squeezed my arm too gently for anyone but me to notice. No matter how enjoyable.


    I wriggled my arm around her, and she snuggled into me without disturbing our little Horse Girl as she finished up Wee Free Men. When she finished, just a little time before dinner, she turned to me and asked, "could you put this away please?"


    "Sure thing." I popped another of me up to take the book, stepped up to Phileo to put it in our bookcase, then collapsed back into myself as everyone started migrating toward the dining room. Well, out into our suite living room, since as far as I could tell every one of the refugees we''d brought back from Turkey or Persia or Asia Minor or wherever had been staying in our room except at mealtimes. Then again, I had no idea how long some of them had been in those little bolt holes. Basically living in shacks and caves and tents, living off the land, not daring to make anything more permanent because the Spartans might see it. As far as I cared, they could stay as long as they wanted. I mean, I kinda wanted them to maybe recover enough they could find their own places, but I sure as fuck wasn''t gonna complain about how long it took. Not like I was the poster child for rapid recovery from psychological trauma and shit.


    When we got down to dinner, Larry waved me over once folks started eating. For whatever reason, the staff had started seating me just to his right, with Saffron beside me, so I leaned over and quietly asked, "what''s up, Larry?"


    "I hesitate to say anything, Commander, as I would not be thought a poor host, or unsympathetic to the plight of those travelling to collect the children you rescued, but..."


    When he paused, I sighed, lay a hand on his shoulder and gave him a little squeeze and shake. "C''mon, Larry. We both know you''re going overboard trying to do the right thing. What did you need me to help with?"


    "Many of those who''ve collected their kin have remained at Lancaster House, hoping to see you before leaving. Normally at this time of year I wouldn''t object; crops won''t be due for harvest for weeks, and very little else is time sensitive in the same way on the farmsteads, but with the Calverton refugees staying in the bunkhouses already, we''re pressed for space. The rain the other day had many of the Maenads, especially the newer ones, sheltering in the stables." Before I could express my opinion on that, he said, "I doubt they would have even come that far into the buildings had they not had the little ones with them."


    I chewed that over while I chewed a bite of roast chicken. "Yeah. I guess I ought to see them before they go. Wish I could get the Maenads to come inside. At least to come in out of the literal cold." I took another bite, thought it over some more. "I''m gonna talk with Marie about the Maenads, can you arrange for the folks staying to come see me in the courtyard tomorrow first thing? I''ll stick around as long as need be, but I figure if folks get to see me early, they''re more likely to hit the road headed home to get their kids bundled in, y''know?"


    "Can do, Commander. Bonnie and I will arrange for packs with supplies, to make sure those with trips lasting more than a day don''t starve themselves or put their hosts out unduly."


    From his other side, Bonnie murmured, "you mean you''ll have me arrange for it and you''ll take the credit."


    I realized right then that whatever else might have changed, Larry definitely doted on Bonnie as much as he had the day of their wedding. He spun to face her, horrified. "Love, I have never intended any such thing. Please, forgive me, I''ll handle everything."


    She poked dispiritedly at her chicken with a matte black finger. "You''ll just screw it up. Again."


    I didn''t want to interfere, but at the same time this sounded really fucked up, not like the Bonnie I knew at all. "Bonnie? Larry? Everything okay?"


    Larry looked at the table in front of him. "I''d rather not air private matters in front of everyone."


    I nodded. "Sure." Then I lay a hand on each of their forearms and Translocated all three of us up to the Heir''s Suite, where I plonked them both onto a sofa. "Okay. Not in public."


    "This is still... It''s a private matter between spouses, Commander."


    I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I kinda get that. I also seem to recall something about you two both picking me as Patron. Right?" When they both nodded, Larry looking sheepish and Bonnie looking sour, I said, "okay then. If I were, like, a real Goddess or something, you two could pray to me and I could wiggle my nose and sort your shit out, but instead, you get me noticing when you''re bickering, so I stick my nose in and see if I can''t maybe let you blame everything on me or something."


    Larry barked out a laugh. "That''s the first time I''ve heard a Patron take responsibility for their followers."


    "Unlike a certain someone."


    I turned to Bonnie as Larry winced. "Okay, Bonnie, mind if I ask you something?" She shrugged, looking away. "What did Larry do to piss you off?"


    She waved her hands as she replied, "He''s just so... I do all the organizing and making sure everybody eats and has clean clothes and that we can pay for it all and..." at that point she just sat there flapping her hands, and I don''t know if he saw the tears lurking, but I sure as hell did.


    "Does Larry try to help?"


    She shrugged. "Sometimes, when he gets a break from the important work. You know, shipping everything off to Calverton." The way she dragged the words ''important'' and ''Calverton'' told me as much as anything else.


    "Are you guys sending more than you can afford to send?"


    "Lancaster House has ever supplied Phileo in times of war."


    I closed my eyes and sighed. "Larry. Buddy. Love you like a brother, but you gotta maybe take that rod out of your ass for a second and use it to clear your ears out." As he spluttered and Bonnie giggled, I said, "you''re feeding what''s left of Calverton, and doing it right after a fuckin'' famine. Did it through the middle of the thing. I get that you''re big and bad and bold, but..." I sighed. "Look, I get you don''t need much help, ever. You''re a certified badass. But just because you are the baddest of asses does not mean you can do everything all the time by yourself."


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    He worked his mouth, like he had half a dozen different smart assed answers that he decided not to swallow, before finally saying, "of course, Commander."


    "Nah, don''t just agree because you''re kowtowing or some shit. Do you get that maybe sometimes even the strongest person around needs somebody to help carry the load? Or keep it balanced? Or open doors and shit? Or maybe hand them a sword that won''t shatter?"


    At that last he jerked like he''d been slapped, and I knew it had hit home. When he let out a long breath and smiled ruefully, I knew it had hit home the right way. "Commander, could you remind me of something next time we see my father?"


    "Sure. What?"


    "That you have once again proven your worth as Patron."


    "Yeah, well. Not done yet. Bonnie?"


    She looked up, mulish. "Yes?"


    "What does he fuck up when he tries to help you?"


    She waved her hands around. "Everything! It''s like he''s never had to run a household, or a business, or an accounts book!"


    I nodded. "Larry? Have you?"


    He sighed again, shaking his head. "No. I suppose normally I''d have had to oversee Oscar''s work in those matters had I been Heir, but I''d only just begun to when we wed." He stopped, thinking. "After that, it just seemed a natural division of labor? I''ve had tutors regarding logistics, and she seemed to have a knack for domestic matters."


    "A knack."


    Larry had some top tier combat instincts, but holy shit he did not seem to get that Bonnie looked about ready to rip his wedding tackle off and have them stuffed for mounting. He nodded. "Yes! You seemed to know just how everything should go! I don''t know how else to describe it, like you were born for the task."


    "Uh, Larry?"


    "Yes, Commander?"


    "I think you''d best shut the fuck up right the fuck now, because I don''t think she''ll stop stabbing if she starts." He blanched, then looked to Bonnie, then crumpled when he saw the look on her face. "Bonnie?"


    "Yes, Commander?" She never stopped glaring at the top of Larry''s head.


    "Do you trust me?"


    She heaved a sigh, then said, "not with my lunch or makeup, but yeah."


    I smiled at that memory. "Okay then. You knew even back before you two got together that Larry''s utterly clueless about some shit, and his default mode is accidental douchebag, right?"


    His head snapped up at that, but I silenced him with a hand even as Bonnie giggled and said, "I''m dumb, but I''m not dumb enough to miss that."


    "You are not dumb!" barked Larry.


    I waved him down. "Yeah, yeah, all three of us know you''ll defend Bonnie from everyone, including herself. Now shut up and let the women decide your fate."


    That left him gawping again, and Bonnie giggling again. "Okay, okay, what are you trying to tell me, Commander?"


    "First of all, let him know why you''re so pissed about him talking about your ''talent'' with bookkeeping and house management, because he doesn''t know."


    "How could he not..." I lifted an eyebrow, and she slid to a verbal stop before turning to Larry and pulling him around by his chin to face her. "I learned all of that stuff by doing it. Everyone in my family worked. I was the boss'' daughter, so I got to work in the office, but I was the boss'' daughter, so I wound up having to do the household books as well as the tannery books."


    "How... but..." He stopped, took her hand in both of his. "May I know how long?"


    She sighed. "You can know anything. I want you to know things about me, Larry. But sometimes you just... Lancaster yourself into thinking you know when you don''t."


    I watched as he seesawed between offense and humor, and let out a silent sigh when he chuckled. "Hearing my family name used as the verb form of ''arrogant'' should offend, and probably would if you weren''t absolutely right, Bonbon. Please. Forgive me?"


    She scooted toward him until her lips could reach his if she leaned over. "Always, Larry. Always and all ways. I love you, even when you''re pissing me off so much. Hell, I''d probably get less pissed if I didn''t love you so much." She leaned over and kissed him. After about sixty seconds I realized they''d forgotten I was there.


    "Uh, guys?" They both jerked around to stare at me like deer caught in the headlights, or kids caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Given that his hand was definitely showing he preferred bonbons to cookies, and hers really was more in the sausage drawer than the cookie jar, it was all I could do not to laugh. "Yeah, kinda figured. Look, I''m not a professional marriage counselor or anything, and I''m definitely not a doctor, but I think Bonnie needs some help, and not just because Lancaster House is a hell of a project for just one person to manage."


    "I can handle it."


    I nodded. "Yeah. Normally, absolutely. You''ve been doing it pretty much since we got here last winter. But things change." At her frown, I said, "Larry? Drop your hand four inches." He slid his hand down from her breast to her baby bulge, and she winced in sudden understanding. "Yeah. I dunno how the women in your family handle pregnancy, but a lot of women wind up getting tired faster, not to mention not having as much patience for petty bullshit. Totally justified!" I said to her sudden glare. "Totally! You''re growing a whole assed ''nother person in there, and that shit is not easy." Somehow something about his shift in posture, his indrawn breath, I dunno, his increase in overall Lancasterness made me cut Larry off with, "seriously, Larry. Think about trying to keep a Created ball of Water mid-Create, then using Heal and Mineral Bond inside until you had a whole assed person."


    He looked a little like I''d once imagined he would if I shoved a Squadball up his ass, but a moment later he stroked his hand across her belly, wonder in his voice as he said, "you... you are, aren''t you?"


    Bonnie and I shared a bit of a look, then she put her arm around him and pulled him down until his head rested on her belly. "Yes, Larry my love, that''s exactly what I''m doing." Then she looked back up at me. "So, what do your recommend, Commander?"


    I shrugged. "Didn''t Raven help you out at first?"


    "Well, yeah, but she''s so busy with her art now."


    I chuckled a little. "Yeah, I get that, and I think it''s awesome that you two have decided to back her up with that. Kids and art. Pretty much everything important in life, everything that lives past us and makes the world better comes down to one of those two, doesn''t it?"


    "Saffron might add learning in there," murmured Bonnie.


    I laughed. "Yeah, my Kitten is a nerd. The nerdiest of nerds, and we are absolutely raising a bunch of little nerdlings, but," I paused and sighed. "You guys have enough on your plate between feeding the army, caring for the refugees, and sponsoring the Artist Laureate for the entire fuckin'' Alliance. I''m absolutely certain Saffron can cover setting up our school system." Before they could latch onto that, I followed up with, "I''m sure once you''re recovered from popping out your rugrat, you''ll be ready to wrangle Lancaster House solo again. She can help out until then, and get back to full time arting afterward."


    She gave me an amused look, "so nursing and being mother to a newborn won''t be a drain on my time and energy?"


    "Get you a nursemaid. Shit, there are about a hundred Maenads outside, and even if not all of them are quite as wifey as Marie, I''m sure you could find one who''s down to watch your little Lancaster. Shit, on top of nursemaid and nanny, you''ll pretty much have bodyguard covered as well." Bonnie looked a little shocked at that, but Larry nodded.


    "That was a concern... Ow! Ow?" Larry''s head kinda bounced away from Bonnie''s belly, and he clutched at his ear with a look on his face of somebody who''d just realized they were startled, not hurt.


    Bonnie looked down, the weirdest look on her face as she laughed and rubbed at the little oblong protrusion sticking out of her belly. "That is your father''s head, little one. I''ll thank you not to rattle his brains too much." She raised her eyes to look at Larry, and when his gaze met hers she grabbed him by the collar and said, "that''s my job," before yanking him in for a kiss.


    Well, it started as a kiss, and before it got too far, I cleared my throat, lay a hand on both their shoulders, and stepped us both back down to the dining room. They looked almost as rattled as they had at my earlier interruption, especially since I''d plunked each of their asses down in their own chair as I called out, "hey, Raven? Bonnie needs you for a second?"


    As I slid back into my seat, realizing as I did that the Menace sitting on Saffron''s lap had the remains of my chicken mostly eaten on her mom''s plate. Before I could open my mouth to gripe about it, she looked up at me and growled, "meat!"


    "Yeah, yeah," I laughed, leaning around her to kiss Saffron.


    Who kept her eyes open and raised an eyebrow. Just Happened to abscond with the Lancasters, hmm?


    What? No! Just helping them out with, y''know, married stuff.


    She pulled away and tapped at her teeth, grinning. Oh. Yes. Married stuff. What was the last thing I was doing with my wife? I forget.


    No! Seriously, I... I turned to motion toward them, only to realize exactly why she had such a stupid smug grin on her face. Before I brought them back, Bonnie''d managed to get Larry''s shirt partially open, and by the way his arms kept twitching and he kept his hands under the table, I''m pretty sure his pants were way more than partially undone. My man Larry''s hands hadn''t slowed in the slightest, and while her shift still kept her tits nominally covered, half of it was tucked up under one of her boobs and her shirt was really more of a boob shelf than anything else.


    I couldn''t help it, my palm wound up irresistibly drawn to my face. I can explain. You see, what had happened was...


    Ah, ah, ah. This can wait until after dinner, when I decide on the consequence for your indiscretions.


    But... but... I sighed. Fine.


    I kept my pouty face mostly inside, especially as every woman in the damn place kept looking back and forth between the Lancasters and I, and for some reason all of them were smiling. Not even the nasty ''oh, we know what you were doing'' smile, either, but more of a ''damn, you go girl'' kinda thing. So I just tried to nuzzle Saffron and look smug. At least she didn''t push me away, just let me snuggle while Menace finished my food.


    Upstairs, after we had everyone in bed, Saffron dropped the three of us onto the Love Shack Super Bed, then said, "Marie, be a dear and hold her down?"


    I squirmed a little, but my heart wasn''t in it. I''d felt so proud of myself for helping the Lancasters out, and now Saffron thought I''d been, I dunno, snagging a quickie or some shit. With Larry of all people. Ew.


    Saffron slipped off her civvies, then with a thought had Glowing Midnight''s lingerie on. Then she shook her head and banished it, only to put her civvies back on. "No, I recall you not being healthy enough to support them the other day." She flopped herself down and crawled up my front while I swear Marie snickered. "But you''re feeling better now, right?"


    "Well, yeah, but..."


    "Now, before you receive your just reward, my Hero, could you indulge me for just a little bit?"


    "Huh?"


    She grinned. "I was watching the whole time, Goof. Just in case you needed me, and to explain where you''d gone. Everyone thinks it was something medical in nature as regards Bonnie''s pregnancy. At least that''s what I told them. Not my fault you brought them both back looking half ravished. Now," she lifted my hands up to her breasts. "What Larry was doing looked delightful."


    Yeah, got a little less sleep last night than I might have, but wound up feeling pretty good by morning bath time. Doing the Patron thing, helping my friends, getting enthusiastically rewarded by my boss slash High Priestess slash wife slash fic ain''t got nothin'' on our private time activities, baby. Like, in all seriousness that was the first thing in a while I remember doing that really helped somebody out and didn''t wind up hurting me or somebody else to do.


    Spent the day listening to Maze read the second Aching book, making little rocks into big rocks at the homestead, getting myself thoroughly coated in Worship and gratitude in the courtyard of Lancaster House, and staring at the flare-free skies of Calverton. Midway through the day I noticed some ships heading to the south side of the river, so I hopped aboard the nearest one. "Hey, Jarl. What''s up?"


    He shrugged. "Majesty. Seneschal ordered us over here. The Trolls have taken most of the southern sections of town; they just need someone to keep the Undead from reinforcing via the western bridges, plus maybe some assistance with the holdouts in the middles."


    "Huh. Good to know. You''ve got the new flares and flags, right?"


    "Yes, Majesty."


    "Carry on then." I hopped back, reminding myself to ask Saffron about the new flags and flares, because I sure as fuck didn''t know what our new signal scheme was.


    At the end of the day, Saffron flopped back next to me where I played bear for Maze to lean on while she read. "Hey sweetie," I whispered.


    She snuggled in and murmured back, "ready?"


    "Ready for what?"


    For the consequence for your good behavior, Goof.


    Uh... wasn''t that last night?


    She twisted around and Grinned up at me. Oh, love, didn''t you hear me then? That was you indulging me. Tonight is time for your reward.


    "Why do I think you''re gonna keep on coming up with excuses?" I murmured into her hair.


    She whispered back, "because you are far smarter than you look. Not that that''s hard. Didn''t duBois teach you how to duck?"


    I couldn''t even be mad at her. Mostly because everybody else was, because Maze couldn''t stop laughing long enough to finish today''s reading.


    Oh, no, guess I''ll be too busy doing Penance to reward you properly tonight then.


    My wife best wife.


    No you.

 Day Four Hundred And Nine

    Dear Diary,


    "I tell you, commander, it''s true that some of the most terrible things in the world are done by people who think, genuinely think, that they''re doing it for the best, especially if there is some god involved."


    -Terry Pratchett, Snuff


    Y''know, I think that''s it, right there, the biggest thing I don''t get about the Spartans. No, not don''t get. That''s selling it too short. The biggest thing I hate about them, that makes me feel like even the completely unjustified shit I did to them while rescuing the refugees wasn''t wrong.


    The big powerful gods in the here and now seem to have the common characteristic of being assholes. Utter douchecanoes who don''t think of anything beyond their own power, privilege, and petty grievances. I suppose part of what''s got me so fuckin'' guilty about what I did with the Spartans is that I''ve been more merciful with fuckin'' Artemis than I was with them. So, y''know, some part of me obviously thinks that the bullshit way those gods act is some kind of learned behavior. Or maybe behavior they chose, which is worse. I mean, if I trace it back, Saturn''s shitty parenting has to be partly at fault, but Ray seems to be a decent kind of guy, so I guess if anything Saturn learned his fuckin'' lesson or something. Which means Zeus is one of the people who decided that because shitty things happened to him, he gets free rein to do shitty things to those he reigns over.


    But here''s the thing. I don''t know why, maybe because the incongruous vision of Larry geeking out about something harder than my lovable big tiddy nerd girl nerds about math seared it into my brain, but I remember that day we learned about the Spartans. They''re not doing the shit they''re doing because a god told them to. They''d be insulted if you said they were. From what I can tell, they''ve got exactly one High Priest in their town, and it''s the King, and he''s not Arse''s High Priest because he worships Arse, and now I''m definitely gonna stop calling Ares that because it makes his worshippers sound way too cool, but because Ares is just the right kind of edge lord to dump his ''Champion'' and ''Highest Priest'' tags on the biggest asshole badass he can find whether said badass wants them or not. Which means every atrocity they''ve committed, every horrifying act they have their Heroes in Training do, is something they chose to do. Having shaken off the yoke of the gods, instead of using that to be the best people they could, they chose to embrace the worst parts of themselves.


    So yeah, I don''t get that, and I definitely feel some kind of way about it.


    Last night after lights out, Saffron insisted on her evening of Penance. Don''t get me wrong, I''m down for whatever, but it felt kinda weird to have her coming up with excuses for it. As I stood there looking at her kneeling on the new bed, palms pressed together, head bowed, Marie kneeling behind her mirroring her pose, I realized that I''d come perilously close to the particularly stupid dumb thing of not paying attention to the advice I gave other people, however obliquely.


    "Hey, Kitten?"


    She smiled, "Yes, Goof?"


    I chuckled. "Aren''t you supposed to be calling me ''Goddess'' right about now?"


    She frowned, suddenly serious. "Of course, my Goddess." So cute.


    "Aw. I like it when you smile." Her smile slipped back onto her face, and I couldn''t tell if she''d faked it for me or not. "Shit. Please don''t fake smiles for me?"


    "My Goddess?"


    "Yeah?"


    "Have you rescinded your command to do as I will?"


    I smiled back at her, and hoped she could hear it in my voice. "Nah. Not gonna. Hereby commandmenting you to ignore me if I do. Both of you. All of you. Pass that along to Sister Siobhan If you see her before I do?"


    She slipped one eye open a crack. "You could tell her yourself, my Goddess."


    I shook my head. "Nope. Not with what I''m thinkin'' about right now. Haven''t thought of a good Date Night activity yet. Besides, Calverton''s still not over and done with."


    "Oh, so what are you..." Her eyes both slipped open, but stayed heavy lidded and fluttering. "Oh. Oh, my."


    "Yeah. Look, I feel some kinda way about you making all these excuses." Her smile slipped a little. "Especially maybe the Penance one?" Her smile slipped further into the tiniest frown. "Okay, you feel some kinda way about that, so... two things, if tonight''s gonna be all about my Kitten''s Penance."


    "Name them."


    "Okay. First thing. Explain to me why it''s gotta be Penance. Seriously, you wanna be a pillow princess or a toy, just say the... No, you have said that before, haven''t you?" I paused, thinking, idly sliding the upper toy drawer at the foot of the bed open.


    Her eyes slid closed and she looked... pensive. Appropriate, I guessed, as I pulled out the restraints and tugged at them, sniffed at them. New leather. Holy fuck that''s a smell with some visceral impact. "I... do things I must."


    "Shit I''d be pissed about?" I lay the restraints aside on the bed and reached in for the acupuncture kit.


    She paused, and I froze with my hand on the bandolier. "Yes, but I chose my word carefully. When presented with a choice, I have never chosen that which would displease you based on expediency, or cost, or even for vengeance."


    I lifted the bandolier and closed my eyes as I inhaled that intense new leather smell. "So... why would I be pissed?"


    "Because sometimes even the choice I think would be least offensive to you is still one which would drive you to fury." I think she might have been tearing up, but I definitely had some knots in my stomach.


    I had no idea how to do acupuncture. The fancy little grippy bits and the gleam of the point when I pulled one out were super tempting, but I didn''t want to damage my Kitten by accident. "Okay, so you''re taking the least shitty choice. Yeah, I''m gonna be pissed, but you know me. At least I hope you do. I''m gonna be pissed at the world, at whoever is forcing your hand. Because I''m sure what you''re talking about are times when you can''t implement a long term fix in time to head off a disaster, aren''t you?"


    She nibbled at her lip a second before saying, "Yes, Goddess. But I still... Goddess, you are my moral center. I am lost without you. But that means when I must do things you would loathe, I loathe myself." Definitely tears, one leaked out. I wanted so much to cuddle her, but I needed to know why she needed what she''d asked for.


    I shook my head. "Yeah, another reason I''m a shitty choice." I held a hand up, and either she''d been peeking or I''d maybe made some kind of noise. I slipped the acupuncture needle back in the bandolier and set the whole kit back in its padded slot in the drawer. "I get it, it comes with the Worship and the nice Titles and the inexplicable devotion of my two favorite people in the entire world." I reached down into the center of the drawer, where a simple cutout between the extensive collection of rings to either side held a stack of blindfolds. I pulled one out and tossed it to Marie, who caught it without looking. "So, tell me. Simple words. Why this? Why not something else?"


    Saffron paused a bit, head tilted and tongue blepped as she considered. "Two things?"


    "Go on."


    She nodded. "First and foremost, you enjoy this, and know that I do as well. I cannot conceive of you feeling the kind of deep guilt you might at doing something entirely hurtful. Like, say, denying me permission to observe." She Grinned at me, and I barked out a laugh at the memory of her kittenish eager joy that night. "Second, with this? Though you might inflict torment which purges my shame, my guilt, my self-hatred at doing things you might disavow me for had you one iota less faith that I can see no better path forward? In the end, you have never failed to reward me, to show me without words that despite my failures you love me still, accept me, that I am still your Priestess Most High Above All Others."


    I slipped a short handful of rings off of their holders, then slid the drawer shut. "So you''re looking for catharsis from your guilt, and proof that I love you despite your failures?"


    "Yes."


    I nodded, then nodded again at the blindfold in Marie''s hand. As she gently wrapped the thin, supple leather over Saffron''s eyes, I asked, "Okay. So... which is more important?" With her mouth half open, I interrupted her. "Your agony, or my enjoyment?" She hissed as her teeth came down on her blepped tongue. "Face it, Kitten, I love your orgasms way too much for those to even be a question. Shit, I''ve even got Stabilize and your explicit permission to Revive if one of those tries to punch your ticket, so if you''re specifically asking for the kind of ''depths of agony to heights of pleasure'' sexplosion that could pop your noggin clean off?" She panted a little bit as she nodded. "Yeah, this''ll be my best attempt at an E ticket ride."


    Yeah, I''d never been to ratland or ratworld, but my aunties had, and they regaled me with stories when I was a little little kid. Saffron shuddered a little, smirked, and said, "I''m certain there was a gag in there too?" Then she hissed as I tried really hard not to think about what I was doing, flexed, and the blindfold cinched itself down over her eyes like a second skin.


    "Yeah, you didn''t answer, so I''m gonna assume no preference, so I''m going with ''whatever amuses me most at the moment''. So be ready to..." I slid the bottom drawer open, idly wondering what needed a drawer that deep. For a moment I didn''t recognize what I was looking at. A sort of saddle rest sans saddle in the center, some fancy fascina to in padded storage slots to the right, and what looked almost like a remote control to the left. Then I recognized it, and a grin to rival any of Saffron''s stretched its way across my face. "Kitten?"


    "Yes, my Goddess?" she whispered, her voice already getting a little hoarse. Made sense, since I realized just then that without thinking I''d gently but firmly pushed her out of my head.


    "First, you''re going to find an acupuncture for dummies book for me to read. I want to learn, but we both know the moment I set in to any kind of long project Murphy''s going to dump shit on my head."


    "Yes, my Goddess." She sounded almost the right mix of confused and titillated.


    I picked up the restraints I''d laid out and tossed them to Marie along with an image of what I wanted. She grinned, nodded, and set to binding my Kitten, being none too gentle about it as she did. "Next, tell me everything that is a non-starter for you. Half of your torment is gonna be never having the slightest idea what will happen next. So tell me, what''s out of bounds?"


    She shot me a saucy grin and said, "what if I say being..." she gasped as Marie bound both of her calves tight against her thighs. "Bound?" she breathed.


    "Then..." I reached out, relaxed, and the bindings loosened almost enough to slip off. "you won''t be."


    She pouted. "I didn''t say thaaahhhh..." her own squeal cut her off as I tightened them again until Marie''s hand twitched, then loosened them just to just a little tighter than Marie had left them. "Forgive me my impertinence, Goddess."


    "Nah. I''mma take that shit out of your hide." I couldn''t help it, I reveled in her wince as much as her anticipatory grin. "Now. Obviously I''m gonna back down if something goes past a boundary you didn''t know you had. But right now. Boundaries. Because if you don''t list it before we start, sure as fuck I''ll cross it at some point."


    She nodded as Marie pulled her arms behind her back, binding her forearms together across the small of her back. "Never exclude me again."


    "Okay. What else." She opened her mouth, took a breath, and then very pointedly shut it again. "Oh. Really?" She nodded. "You''re sure?" She nodded again, this time too eagerly for me to hold back a throaty chuckle that Marie echoed a moment later as I snugged down the forearm bindings, eliciting another delightful little hiss. "Okay then. First rule; if something hurts you the way excluding you would, you tell me, immediately."


    Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site.


    I waited, silent, until she whispered, "yes, Goddess."


    "Second thing. Say my name?"


    "But..."


    "It will make me happy. Happier. I like it. Please?"


    "Do not ask me, Goddess. Tell me."


    "Say my name. Use my name. I''ll tolerate Mimic if you lose track. But... names. Not titles."


    "Yes, Go... Yes, Tabitha."


    "Goof''s fine too." I laughed a little. "Nostalgic even. One warning?"


    "Yes, Goof?" she taunted.


    "Don''t say ''love'' unless you are completely prepared for me to use you like my very own Real Doll, because that shit lights a fire in my nethers that I will totally use you to quench, got it?"


    Her Grin got wider. "Yes, love."


    "Okay, yeah, last thing..."


    I waited until she guessed, "no more taunting?"


    I shook my head, knowing she couldn''t see it. "Nope. The flip side of no exclusion. No holding back. You wanna taunt? You taunt, but know it''s gonna bite you in the ass. Possibly literally." I nodded to Marie, who displayed some of that freakish spine contortion to lean over and do just that. Not enough to break skin, but sure as fuck enough that Saffron knew skin breaking was on the table. From the look of impending ecstasy on her face, I realized she was totally down for that if that''s what I wanted. Which, given what was in the drawer, I didn''t, but good to know. Ecstasy, Bloodlust, all that good shit. Later, though.


    Instead I said, "Marie? Lift her up?" Another mental image, and Marie straightened, wrapped both claws around Saffron''s waist, and lifted her just shy of bonking her head on the ceiling. I paused, considering. With a thought, I popped Glowing Midnight''s lingerie onto her. "Mittens? Jiggle?" Exceeding any expectation I might have had, Marie purred, hard enough for all of Saffron''s good bits to engage jiggle physics. I popped the lingerie off, watched a few more moments, then said, "Yeah. Better this way." The reaction of those magnificent mountains of girl brought a sudden smile to my face, and I scrambled up, slid one of the rings across her face, and said, "you know what this is, right Kitten?"


    "Yes, love."


    "You''re really leaning on that, aren''t you?"


    "Yes, love." She Grinned at me.


    I grinned right back at her, slipped one of those rings onto each of her nips and snugged them right down, then channeled Mana into them. Her nostrils flared and her eyes might have bulged a little under the blindfold. I tried not to think too much about how I could feel that, then waved at Marie for one of her hands. When she held it out, I grabbed two of her fingers, then slid a ring down past her first knuckles before snugging it down. She raised an eyebrow, and I whispered, "maximum impact." She grinned, maybe even letting her tongue loll out a little, and nodded.


    Saffron quietly breathed, "what?" As I scrambled back and lifted the saddle out, Marie leaned over, ran her tongue across Saffron''s neck, then lay those two fingers against the side of her thigh. Her thigh joined her breasts in jiggle physicking until Marie pulled her hand away. Saffron whimpered a little, and I might have gotten a little rushed. I grabbed the simplest of the fascina and slapped it in place on the saddle, yanking the remote out of its slot with my other hand. I glanced down to see if my creepily prepared son had included any lube, only to have my hand slip off the suddenly frictionless fascina.


    That sensation against my calloused palm lit some kinda fire, and I slid that saddle right under my Kitten, then looked at Marie and said, "get her ready."


    Saffron squawked, "get me ready? Ready for what?" even as Marie demonstrated that even with her index and middle fingers pinned together, she could spread Saffron''s knees apart just fine. Then applied those to fingers to a really obvious spot. My Murder Mittens was scarily efficient at shit like this, which just proves that despite how often the Fates fuck with me, they''re just Yandere and love me deep inside. "Love? Get me ready for what? Love!"


    After what she''d said earlier, I couldn''t help myself. My own eyes fluttering closed before I forced them open, because I did not want to miss one instant of this, I nodded to Marie and said, "do it."


    I know I''ve joked around about ''impaled'', and I sure as shit wouldn''t do the actual thing to anyone I hated, let alone adored like my Kitten, but fucking hell Marie did something as near as I could fucking imagine right then. Saffron''s thighs slammed into the saddle and her head snapped back, her mouth flying open in what looked like a silent scream. The only thing that escaped was the most adorable throaty little squeak. I looked at Marie and without thinking said, "make her do that again."


    The moment I said it, I realized I ought not have, as Marie lifted her by her waist, but before I could say anything she stopped, holding her maybe a half inch up, whimpering. Then she rolled the fingers holding my Kitten up across her belly, and she squeaked again. "Oh, yeah. That''s the stuff." I leaned in close enough to see the sweat beading on her neck and said, "so, Kitten. Did that hurt?" She nodded. "Is that what you wanted?" She nodded again. "Do you want her to do that again?" I watched her bobblehead for a moment before saying, "oh, no, too bad. Marie, make her squeak for a bit."


    I listened to that beautiful serenade while I slipped the last ring on one of my index fingers, then looked over the remote. It had a couple obvious dials, a couple obvious sliders, and some things that looked like buttons. All gemstones, set in some really nice dark wood. Absolutely no documentation or even idiot indicators on any of them. Of course. Then again, this was a toy. As in, ''for playing with''. Just like my Kitten had practically demanded she be tonight. Fuck it.


    I took a deep breath, still enjoying the squeaking, then nodded. Marie stilled, and, my eyes still entranced by the way Saffron''s breasts had never stopped jiggle physicking, said, "okay, your safe word is rutabaga."


    Confused Kitten whined, "Rutabaga?"


    "Yep. Rutabaga." She opened her mouth, and I poured Mana into her rings to turn whatever she''d been about to say into a gasp. "Unsexiest word I could think of. You say it again, we stop. Right there, right then. Don''t say it unless something crosses a line, or is about to. Say it the moment something crosses a line. Your Goddess demands both of these things of you. Nod if you understand." Still gasping, she nodded.


    Due. Diligence. Done.


    "So." My own breathing getting a little rough, I crawled over to her, leaned over and took her mouth with my own, savoring her taste and her response. I pulled back and said, "you, my naughty little High Priestess, are a very bad girl who is currently at least five inches onto a toy I haven''t even gotten to play with yet. My birthday present, and here you are using it first. So bad." She whimpered a little, and I nodded to Marie, who dropped her. "Six inches now! So lewd. So bad." I sighed. "Well, I guess I have to make the best of it. I wonder what this button does?"


    A few hours later, we collapsed back into our cuddle puddle selves back in the Lancaster House bedroom, after I''d sorted out all the controls and tried each of them at least the requisite three times, not to mention playing around with combinations. I snuggled into one side of her, absolutely laying a leg across her like a body pillow, savoring the warm fuzziness of Marie when she did the same with both of us from Saffron''s far side. "Was that what you wanted, Kitten?"


    Right about then I realized that not only was she snoring and purring at the same time, even in wireframe she had the fuckin'' Platonic ideal of a open mouthed, satiated smile on her face.


    "Thanks, Marie."


    Her own eyes closed already, purring softly herself, she simply replied, "Next." in a tone that let me know with no uncertainty that she was absolutely talking about my long delayed ''Hero''s Reward''.


    "I''m in danger!" I squeaked, quietly so as not to wake the kids or women.


    She just grinned and said, "Yes."


    Saffrons made of aloe glooped their way down every one of Mimic''s burned tentacles as Marie took her excruciating fucking time peeling each layer of dead skin from the Tentacle Who Shall Not Be Named. The Super Chibi Beans yeeted astronaut ice cream into the maw. Like I''ve said before, don''t ask me, I just sleep here.


    Woke up, did the morning bath thing, and in the middle of it, when I recognized the woman whose arm I''d glued back on, I stopped her and quietly said, "Anna, right?" When she nodded, I said, "come see me after the rest have gone down to breakfast, please?" She tensed up a little, and I said, "nothing bad, I promise." She didn''t untense, but there was only so much I could do without having the conversation I wanted to keep private going public.


    When all of us were fully dressed, I held Marie back and walked into the suite living room with her and Anna. I sat, and nodded to the sofa across from me. Marie took my hint and sat down, leaving Anna plenty of space to do the same. I smiled when she did. "You gonna be ready to go visit Sister Siobhan, or have her come here soon?"


    "I... I don''t want to impose."


    I laughed. "Look, don''t tell anybody, but I''m kinda crushing on the Sister and she knows it, so me taking you to visit her or bringing her here isn''t some kind of big trial I''ll be going through."


    "Ah. Well... whenever you''re ready, I suppose."


    I nodded again. "Okay. We''ll do that right after breakfast. When you''re done with that... Okay, how many of the Maenads out there do you know?"


    "A few. Three, maybe four?"


    "Maybe?"


    "Some Maenads do not speak. I''m sure they have names, but unless they offer them..." Right then I remembered that for all intents and purposes, Marie and her Maenad sisters were absolutely fucking identical clones. Even if they managed to mark themselves, Sparagmos would wipe it all away the morning after.


    I nodded my understanding. "Okay. Do they recognize you? As a High Priestess of Dionysus? As a friendly? An ally?"


    She looked like she was about to shrug, but Marie nodded and said, "Yes." When both of us looked at her, questioning, she said, "Smell."


    I nodded again, grinning. "Okay, so they can smell the D on you, they''ll know you''re on their side. I need you to talk to them, ask them some things for me, maybe convince them of some things."


    "What? Why not..." she nodded to Marie.


    "Yeah, Marie could straight up tell them what to do, and they''d shut up and soldier, but I''m looking for buy in here." When Anna nodded, still unsure but willing to listen, I said, "okay, first, I need to find a volunteer to be a nursemaid for Lancaster House. Like, not just for the babies we recovered who wind up orphaned, but for the Lord and Lady to be. Bonita Aetos, Heir-Consort Lancaster, is gonna be decanting soon, and when she does she''s gonna have to go back to work managing this," I waved my arms around, "huge pile of rock and everybody in it while Larry keeps the food and supplies flowing to the Army." I waited for her to nod again. "So they need a nursemaid, a nanny, and a bodyguard for their little one. I have no idea if Bonnie''s gonna be a super hands on, wanting the baby touching her every second mom, or a workaholic who sees her baby before and after work. I kinda think she''ll lean for the former, because she''s wanted this kid so bad, but the fact is she''s got a job to do and is gonna need help on the momming front. You get me?"


    "Yes. High born ladies often need such services. For one who is a Queen in all but name, I even understand the need for a bodyguard for her little one."


    "Okay. Good. So I don''t want Marie forcing any of them into it, even inadvertently. So your first ''job'', if you can, if you''re willing, is to talk with all of them, or even with some of the Maids, to find one of them who wants the job. Or even is willing to do it for whatever reason. Lancasters are loaded. Compensation can be pretty much whatever she wants, I''m sure."


    "D." intoned Marie.


    I laughed. "Yeah, I''m not even gonna try and negotiate that shit with Bonbon and Larry. Bonnie wants to share her Clydesdale with their Nanny, that''s up to the three of them. Anna doesn''t have to mediate that discussion unless she feels some kinda religious obligation." Marie just shook her head. "Yeah, I know she wants the real deal or an Avatar, but... Mittens, could you take care of making sure your prodigal sisters get their share of your Boss? Consider it an official mission, if you want." She just grinned and nodded.


    "I can do that," said Anna.


    "Okay. Second thing, see if you can see what they want to do long term. I''m not sure, but I think winters here are harsher than anything they''re used to. They''re welcome to stay with us, whether that''s in one of our suites, in our new place when it''s built, or hell, even in the old Aetos place in Camden Yards. Larry will probably put them up as long as they need, or they could probably find a place at the Academy with the other Maenads, or..." I shrugged. "It''s not like the folks around here are gonna miss the benefits of having a not-unfriendly Maenad living nearby if a bear or some shit like that comes sniffing around. But I want them all to have someplace warm to sleep before the nights get cold. Can you handle that?" When she hesitated, I followed up with, "get the other Priestesses to help you out if you need to. Nobody who can''t handle it, but I''m sure most of you have dealt with Maenads before?"


    "All of us. Yes, I understand, Ch..." At my raised eyebrow, she winced, smiled, and said, "Tabitha."


    I stood, reached out a hand, and when she took it hoisted her up into a hug. "Thanks. That''s a huge load off my mind."


    After breakfast one of me took her to see Sister Siobhan, who smiled at my arrival, then spent about half the morning making Anna''s arm right. She may have gotten a little help from yours truly when she needed some extra Mana. She may have also gotten a bit red when I gave her a good bye hug and pressed my cheek against hers maybe a little bit more than I might have with anybody I wasn''t planning on thoroughly despoiling.


    Maze spent the day reading, and I spotted the first signs of maybe rammy behavior from Liam and Alex. Menace quelled it, but at the end of the day I announced, "okay, everybody, Maze''s voice is sounding a little stressed. We''re gonna take a couple days off before we finish this book up." When some of them looked a little pouty, I continued with, "don''t worry, we''ll finish up after her voice is okay."


    When she pulled me aside to whisper, "my voice is fine," followed by a mouthed ''papa'', I nodded.


    "Yes, but Liam and Alex''s ears aren''t. Give them a couple days, then we''ll start up again. The ones who don''t want to listen can fuck off and run around, the ones who want to stay can. Until then?" She looked up at me expectantly. "It''s just you and me back at the Academy." I swear that brilliant little smile made every bit of keeping my eternally ADHD ass still for her to sit on like a cushion worth it.


    Meanwhile, back on the mast of the Black Dragon, Marie spent the day tormenting me with single word descriptions of my impending doom. At the same time, one of me sat down with Saffron in the Academy Suite bedroom and reviewed the new flag protocols they''d set up. Turns out they had a whole double layered rotation of colors, which they were also using to communicate other shit now, like ''section clear'', ''enemy contact'', and even ''bored as fuck, permission to speed up''. Thankfully, for the moment the biggest thing I had to remember was that any doubled up signal was emphasis, and that meant any double or triple signal probably warranted a visit. Even ''please boss, gotta go fast'' tripled up meant I needed to go and explain that I desperately wanted all of my precious little troopers in one piece when the last Undead fell, but if somebody was gonna take ''em apart, I''d be the one to do it. Which simultaneously left me a little bit anticipatory and more than a little bit disgusted at myself, but fuck it, it started with ''wanting them all to come home safe'', so I''m not gonna cry big tears.


    As Marie played with The Dress'' shoulder straps, trying to see how far down she could slide them before they dropped down to my elbows and freed the girls from their not very onerous confinement, I almost missed it in the glare from the setting sun. A signal from the center of the southwestern section of the city; first a flag, then another, then a very chemical looking flare. It took me a second to remember which signal it was. I did just as the sun dipped below the horizon.


    Enemy Contact.

 Day Four Hundred And Ten

    Dear Diary,


    "War does not determine who is right - only who is left."


    - Bertrand Russell


    Y''know, one of my science teachers used to go on about this dude Bertrand, talking about his thought experiments, advertising him as this total seventy year big brain moment package. Even showed us this grainy old video of the dude giving his ''message to the future'', which really sounded pretty solid, even if he said it like some old timey full of himself white dude. No offense, but dude took a hundred words to say ten. Still, he seemed pretty solid.


    Now I read him spouting Doctor Who quotes and shit like they''re...


    Oh, my fucking god, I fucking did that.


    Yes, yes, stop interrupting.


    Sorry Dad.


    I can''t believe I just did a derivative Lord of the Rings complaint. I mean, I never did that shit, at least in part because those movies were fuckin'' old before I learned to read, but also because I read the books first and got eyeballs on the pub date before I saw the movies. So I knew that all that shit I took for granted in Fantasy fiction, like orcs and elves and dwarves and dragons and magic rings and wizards and all that good shit, was shit from the Lord of the Rings. Okay, I get that some of it is just shit he stole from old fairy tales, but before him they were all just... fairy tales. Kids stories with no real coherence, little morality plays to keep folks in line. But then along comes mister ''my middle name is growling'' and slaps them all together and invents languages and shit, and bam, people spend the next fuckin'' century remixing that shit. Dude is like the Dev of fantasy literature.


    But I hear so many people complaining that the movies and his books are fuckin'' derivative of the shit based on the shit based on the shit that''s based on what he wrote a century ago. And I think I just did the same thing with Bertrand Fuckin'' Russell and Doctor Fuckin'' Who. Still, Russell and The Doctor are both right. War fuckin'' sucks.


    Kinda wish I didn''t love doing it so much.


    So last night as the sun dipped below the horizon and wireframe vision kicked in to fill in all the little details in the nooks and crannies, the call went out in the south central district. I probably should have sent Olga, or even Marie, but Olga was on the far side of the river, and some part of me hadn''t let go of the fact that the fucking Undead had set a trap for my precious Maenad, so I hopped straight over myself.


    I immediately spotted Centurion Furtim Cauda waving the flag, and stepped to their side. "Furtim!" I stage whispered. "What''s up?"


    "Lich." They pointed from the roof we stood on to a low hill almost smack in the middle of this section of the City.


    Right at the peak of the hill stood a dude in robes, that hyper violet glow emanating from where his eyes ought to be. This one only had two Death Knights standing next to him, but discount dowser and his beefy sidekicks had four rows of Fell Snipers around them. The lowest row stood just high enough to be head, shoulders, and chest above the mass of basic Undead swarming around them. Thinking back to some of duBois'' lessons on strategy and scouting, I did some quick mental math. "Gotta be what, five, six thousand of those basic bitches there?"


    Furtim''s reply took me a second to parse. Weird, what with Blend translating most things effortlessly, but when they said, "four thousand ninety six, two five hundred twelves, one sixty four, three eights and five" I had to sit there and add that shit up for a second before I realized that it honestly did not matter to me exactly how many basic undead there were. Lots, lots and lots, yeah. Enough to swamp me, maybe, but not without those fuckin'' Fell Snipers turning me into a pincushion.


    That brought me back to Furtim. "The Snipers giving you trouble?" They nodded. "Okay, I''m gonna..." Then I paused, thinking about the past week. Yeah, the Undead were a special breed of asshole, but some of them clearly fell into ''not thinking straight'', if they were even capable of thought. Artemis had killed my fuckin'' daughter, straight up had a dagger plunged through her, and I''d given her a second chance. I mean, probation, still, with brain tentacles ready to leave her drooling if she pissed me off, but a second chance nonetheless. "Hold that thought. Spread the word. Be ready to take down the chaff, Marie and I will take care of the rest."


    They nodded, and I stepped a Marie and me to M-Space, hovering above a fluorescent dome of Miasma. Meanwhile the me next to Furtim stepped to the tallest vaguely intact building within line of sight of the hill. It looked like maybe some kind of City Hall, but this wasn''t its own City, so maybe some kind of district meeting place, or maybe a Temple. I amplified my voice and called out, "Hey! Mister Lich! Anybody awake in there, or are you just as brainless as those guys on the street?"


    The thing turned to look at me, nothing visible under its hood except two glowing eyes. I think they were eyes. Maybe a little close set. Then again, noseless had a big old lack of a schnoz, which left two big gaping holes in his face, maybe wastebasket warlock here had glowing nostrils or something. I waited for a thirty count while it just stared at me.


    "Can. You. Hear. Me. Okay?"


    In M-Space the Miasma rippled, and a sibilant voice hissed out, "the Master awaits you."


    "Cool! You can talk!" I stepped up to the edge of the building as the me in M-Space hovered away to suck in Mana from the tentacles hovering over the river. "So, how''s Undeath treating you? Got some hobbies? Whittling? Painting? Don''t imagine you guys cook much. Oh! Music! Do you guys like music?" I hummed the first few bars of a J-Pop song I remembered from an old bullet hell game, then let my inner Apollo take over, spreading the music around the perimeter of the hill. Somehow I could tell It devolved to silence long before it got to the center.


    "You shall die." The Fell Snipers all drew and fired, but before they finished firing their volley I had a chunky little Filtration Ward around me, plenty of Mana pumped into a tiny Ward set to stop nothing but Arrows. They pinged off doing no more damage than a gentle spring shower.


    "Okay, yeah, sure, I''m gonna die eventually, I''m sure we all are. I mean, okay, I guess you guys already did? But I''ve already pulled like a thousand kids out of the hole you''re standing in. Say the word, and I''ll do the same for you."


    Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    Poor quality Potter just hunched over and hissed out, "there is no escape!"


    I rolled my eyes and stood there, hipshot, ignoring the waves of arrows coming at me. "Yeah, look, that''s just factually incorrect. So far I''ve fixed three adults and like eleven hundred kids. Okay, one of the adults chose Hades rather than, y''know, life, because all his people were dead. But I can do that for you as well. You wanna walk away, that could be arranged. You want an afterlife? Sure. But you stay Undead, all that you''ve got to look forward to is dust. I guarantee it."


    "The Master Awaits You!" It raised its hands in that fingers spread pose I''d seen before, and I had a Mana Ward up in time to catch the relatively anemic lightning that shot out. It ate through my Mana Ward, but I threw another one up as it did. I wasn''t about to throw raw Mana at him, ''cause he''d just eat it, but he could throw Miasma Lightning at me all day if he wanted. Thing is, as he did that, I saw one of the two Death Knights standing next to him turn to face him, to watch him. It started to move, but the Lich finished throwing lightning, focused on his maybe-disobedient bodyguard, and the thing turned back to mirror its partner.


    In M-Space, I whispered, "End the one on the left, Leave the one on the right together enough to talk." Atop the tower, I poured Mana into my defenses, into my Strong Arm and Swift Foot, and shouted, "okay, the NPC has started repeating its lines. Time for Liches who are Bitches to get some Stitches."


    I stepped down to just outside the Miasma Ward, right between the two outer rings of archers. My swordstaff spun, and Sniper bits flew. All of them turned to face me, firing as they got shots, arrows bouncing off my skin as I sliced through them, laughing. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the Trolls coming out of cover from all sides of the hill.


    The Lich lifted its hands, and from M-Space I hammered it with the Mother Of All Smites. Apparently whatever similarities this Lich had to the one that had tried to ambush Marie ended with ''the ability to speak'', and didn''t extend to ''enough Miasma to slow Mimic down''. He didn''t die a slow, screaming, disintegrating death. He popped like a fuckin'' balloon full of dusty confetti, and his Miasma Ward went with him. A moment later, I dropped that me on the far side of the hill, buffed up with Mana and pureeing Fell Snipers. I split each of me, dropping one at each point of the compass. I worked my way widdershins, just because it''s way more fun to say than ''clockwise''. Fuck it, I''ve made tactical decisions for worse reasons.


    Atop the hill, one of the two Death Knights turned toward one of the four of me and took two steps, building up speed as he bulled his way through the Snipers. Then half a dozen Maries dropped in behind each of the Death Knights. The one coming at me never saw her coming, and went the way of all flesh. Okay, I really hoped not all flesh wound up torn limb from limb, but still, it sounded cool. The other one... Stood there as two Maries precisely, almost delicately removed his arms at the shoulder, then his legs at the hips while the other four stood ready to step in. "Pull that shell off," I called out, "and maybe help with these Snipers?"


    The two of her taking apart the surrendered Death Knight pried his armor off. The other ten snickered at me as they straight up danced through a storm of arrows like fuckin'' dodging raindrops, working their way outward to meet the four of me coming in. In less than a minute the pair of me stood atop the hill, surrounded by a dozen Maries casually splattering any Undead stupid enough to climb the hill at us.


    One of me stepped up to the remaining Death Knight while the other hammered his former buddy with a Smite. "Okay. Nod if you want to surrender?" He... Well, okay, either this Death Knight had been a she in life, or those were some really oddly placed tumors on her chest. She nodded. "This is probably gonna hurt." The other one of me muttered, "sure as shit is gonna hurt me." I looked the Death Knight in the eye and said, "You ready?"


    Another nod, and the closer of me reached down and ripped out her Undead Soul. Gritting my teeth, I ignored the burn as the other me stepped to M-Space, gathered as much Mana as I could comfortably hold, then stepped back and hammered her with a whomping big Smite. Her Soul screamed as the Smite burned it, bent it, broke and reforged it, melted and reformed it. By the time she hung there, a Mortal Soul being slowly eroded by the Miasma endemic to Calverton still, she looked like a shadow of herself. "Life or afterlife?"


    She didn''t speak, but she pointed at the body lying on the ground. The me who''d pulled her out stepped to M-Space and gathered Mana. It hurt, but hurt like burn cream going into a burn, like painkiller eroding nerves. I shoved her Soul back into her body, Shoved her limbs back in place and tacked them on with Heals, then the me in M-Space stepped back and hammered her with a Revive. She sat up, gasping.


    I collapsed back to one of me, hopped to the top of the hill, and hollered, "Furtim!" A ways back from the melee, about where I''d expect a field commander to be, a Troll popped upright. Furtim, by the swordstaff. I realized right then that despite their rigid D & C, most of them fought like I did, crouched and ready to rumble. "You guys got cleanup?" They shot me a clear thumbs up, at which point I realized that somehow I''d missed the fact that most of the trolls had three fingers, not four. Weird thing to notice just then, but fuck it.


    I grabbed the former Death Knight by the arm and towed her along as I collapsed back to the Black Dragon. Before she could get her balance, I hopped down to the deck, then walked over to where Skasn lay napping. "Hey old man!"


    He blinked and leaned up on an elbow. "Majesty?"


    "Yeah, I got a prisoner here, figure you''re the best one to keep her safe until morning when I can get with the Imperator and decide what to do with her."


    He chuckled. "I have been lying around on my ass a lot, haven''t I? I''ll keep her safe and secure until you''re ready to deal with her."


    I nodded, then collapsed Marie and I back to Lancaster House.


    Only to have Saffron scoop up the pair of us and plonk my ass down on the bed. I collapsed backwards, groaning. "I''m sorry, Kitten. After dealing with that fuckin'' Lich, I''m too tired to do shit today."


    She Grinned at me. "You were doing what with a Lich now?"


    "Oh, fuck you." I laughed. "Seriously. Took a prisoner. Former Death Knight. Between that and ashing the Lich, I''m beat."


    "You... did what?"


    Marie cut in, mischief in her voice as she said, "Capture."


    "Holy shit, Goof. How... Never mind. This is neither the time nor place." She chuckled. "Leave it to you to not only delay your just reward, but add to the rewards you deserve." She shook her head and tapped her teeth. "Princess, or Voyeur?"


    I laughed and sighed. "Aw, that''s mean. Because you know I''m too tired for either, and you know I wanna say ''both''."


    "Too tired to lie there and do nothing?"


    "Too tired to enjoy my reward properly."


    She leaned down and kissed me, and even if my kissing back was a little underwhelming, because I wasn''t kidding about being tired, she seemed to enjoy it. "Oh, love," she whispered in my ear when she slipped away. "This isn''t your reward. But you''re obviously too tired to choose, so... Princess it is."


    "But... both?" I whined halfheartedly.


    "Silly Goof. You can''t have both."


    "Why not?" Right about then, Marie slid her knees around my head, then bent her spine enough to kiss me, her chin tickling my nose and her breasts and extra nips taking up all my visual attention. I really was tired, because I muttered, "guitar," without realizing it.


    "Because, dearest Goof, Princess of the Pillow for the evening, you would stop observing when we make you pass out anyway."


    Eyes sliding shut as Marie flipped me over, then four hands roamed my back kneading away knots, I murmured, "oh, shit. I''m in danger."


    Marie snatched me up, claws under my armpits, dragging my lips up to hers, growling, "Yes." before her tongue invaded my mouth as my eyes drifted shut again.


    I don''t really remember anything clearly after that.


    My wives best wives.

 Day Four Hundred And Eleven

    Dear Diary,


    "Sometimes the truth hurts. And sometimes it feels real good."


    - Henry Rollins


    Yeah, I definitely feel that one. No idea who this guy is, but read this in one of those self-help books, and it totally resonated with me. I know it sounds a little mid, like ''oh, yeah, it''s either one thing or something else'', but I get how when you find something that you''ve been looking for, it''s either what you wanted, and holy shit that rocks, or it''s not, and fuck but that feels bad.


    But y''know something? I think I''d rather feel bad for real than feel fake good. I mean, I''m a dumbass. Everybody knows it. So there''s no way I can be sure I''m not just wrong and feeling fake good thinking I''m feeling really good, but fuck, if I dive down that rabbit hole I''m never getting out. So yeah, I guess fake good is better than fake bad, but if I can get it, real good is good.


    Look, I''ve had a heck of a day.


    I don''t even remember most of yesterday. Saffron and Marie knocked me the fuck out. Like half a dozen times, I think. I know there was a whole ''pass out, wake up, pass out again'' cycle there for a bit. Honestly I kinda feel bad at this point. Not, like, for playing pillow princess last night. Saffron straight up dictated that shit, I was just along for the ride. But because she''s worked up actual Skills to amplify our nocturnal entertainment, and if Marie doesn''t get that kind of thing as Racial Skill, she''s had thousands of years of Revels to learn. Meanwhile I''m over here like, ''herp derp, press button make Saffron go squeak''.


    I guess at some point when I''m allowed to get Skills I''ll make it up to them. Shit, I think that means I gotta slow roll the Wedding of Maenad Marie until I can get fuckin'' Skills. Oh, noes! More antici...


    So I woke curled up in a warm pile of blankets on the bed in our Academy suite. Maze read The Shepherd''s Crown quietly but not silently, her back a warm weight against my stomach. I smiled and shifted just enough to Co-Locate to the other room where Saffron sat coding. "Hey Kitten. How''s it going?"


    She waved me over, pulled me in for a quick distracted kiss on the cheek, and replied, "it goes well. I think I''ve gotten the Shaping for those ''tool tips'' you mentioned finished."


    "Cool, so all the Tool Tips are done?"


    She shook her head. "Oh, no. I still need to populate them. But I''ve come up with a single Shape which I can slip into any other Divinatory Shape to enable that type of information."


    I just stared in awe. "That sounds... kinda tough?"


    She grinned at me. "Ever the Mistress of understatement, love."


    I shrugged, feeling some kinda way a little bit. "Sorry. I''m trying. I just... I can follow along with Healing, mostly, and I can do stuff if I practice enough, but what you''re doing? Way beyond me."


    "Given our relative Skills and Reason, as well as how long I''ve struggled with this, it ought to be." She pulled me down again for another smooch. "It''s fine, love. I enjoy this work, and you provide both inspiration and reward for my efforts." She tilted her head and shifted something on her coding window. "Not to mention empowering me to create these Spells as truly Global tools." I stood there silently for a moment until she looked over at me again. "What''s wrong, love? You seem pensive."


    "I dunno. I just feel like I''m the weakest link sometimes."


    She stopped, turned to face me fully, and folded her arms. "Surely you must be joking."


    I chuckled a little, but shook my head. "No, I mean it. Like, yeah, we''re fighting a war, and I''m really good at wrecking shit. But... what happens when the war''s over?"


    She shrugged. "You come home and play with the children during the day and your wife, at some future point wives, at night."


    I clutched at the air, like I could somehow grab the words from nothing. "Yeah, but... you guys are good at what you do. You''ve got Skills for it and everything."


    She shook her head. "Love, I truly doubt we will run out of enemies before you are capable of gaining Skills. Also..."


    "Yeah?"


    "Marie is Dionysus'' Champion. The most lethally devastating combatant among the Maenads, who routinely defeat five times their number of Spartans. Do you really think she started out knowing how to sew?"


    I stood there, mouth slowly dropping open, until she smirked and pounced. A few minutes later, tonsils thoroughly licked, I set her back in her chair, a relieved smile on my face as big as the smug one on hers. "Thanks, Kitten."


    "This, love, is part of nurturing according to my nature. Now, I do have some coding to do, and I think you had a prisoner to deal with? Oh, and if you could take over refereeing for the children?"


    I leaned over to give her one more peck on the cheek, then stepped down to the Black Dragon and over to Lancaster House. Taking over for Saffron was just a matter of collapsing her back to her self in the Academy while I dropped my Blend, but for the prisoner interrogation I needed some equipment. At least I thought I did, at first. After a quick kiss for Marie, who stood scanning the City with my binoculars, I stepped down to Skasn. The former Death Knight lay on the deck, snoring lightly and whimpering slightly.


    "Hey, Skasn. She wake up yet?"


    He nodded. "Majesty. Briefly, long enough to eat a ration breakfast, then she passed out again."


    I sighed. "I hate to do it, but we''re going to have to treat her as an enemy until we find out more about her."


    He nodded again. "Since the penalty for Necromancy and Undeath alike is usually destruction, that''s incredibly generous."


    "Yeah, well. I''m not sure most of them really intended to become Undead." He looked ready to argue until I frowned at him and said, "Sure as shit the babies didn''t."


    He shut his mouth, nodded, then said, "excellent point, Majesty."


    Hey Kitten?


    Yes, love?


    D''you know where the brig is on the Black Dragon?


    Would you like me to guide you?


    Just a second. I leaned over and, as gentle as I would be with one of our sleeping kids, slipped my arms under her and lifted her into a princess carry. Okay, lead on.


    She looked down at the woman in my arms. Oh, it''s to be that sort of ''interrogation'', is it? Before I could reply, she laughed in my head and started walking. Just playing, Goof. Although such an... intense celebration of Life would certainly eradicate any remaining tendency toward Undeath.


    I laughed gently, so as not to disturb my sleeping cargo. I swear, sometimes it''s like you want to rub my crotch all over everybody in the Alliance.


    She laughed again. Love, with Lord Loki''s help I''ve done a little research. To help with your treatment.


    Okay. And?


    She paused a moment, as if gathering her thoughts. Before she started talking again, we reached a small room with a pair of Thralls set to guard it. They stood, saluted, and murmured, "Majesty." I laid the Death Knight down on the thin mattress, made sure she had a pillow under her head, then stepped out and closed the door. One of the two Thralls handed me a key, and I locked the door.


    "Make sure you''ve got food and water ready for when she wakes up. If she needs anything else, check with me, Marie, or Skasn, but if you can''t find us and it''s not a weapon? Go ahead and give it to her if you can."


    "Yes, Majesty," they chorused.


    I left her there, got myself back to the top of the mast, and leaned up against Marie. "Hey, Mittens?" She hummed and kept scanning. "Do you know anything about interrogations?" She tensed. "Shit. I''m sorry."


    She lay one claw on my upper back and rubbed it back and forth. "De Nada."


    I sighed. "Yeah. I gotta find out what she knows, and probably gotta decide what to do about her."


    This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.


    She nodded and rubbed my shoulders more, almost like she was kneading me for her own comfort. Fuck it, if she was, if I was her little stress doll, that was fine with me. I pressed into it, letting her knead away. "I''m gonna be doing some research, let me know if I''m needed?"


    She slipped her hand down to my waist, lifted me, and kissed me without ever moving the binoculars. When she finally let me up for air, she smiled and said, "Go."


    I Co-Located to the Academy Library, and the me still held in her claw wrapped my arms around her torso and snuggled into her. "Remind me tomorrow night after the interrogation?"


    "What?" she asked as she started kneading my back again.


    "Guitar."


    I spent the rest of the day first looking through the Library, then conferring with some Priests from the Big Seven. Every single book I read, every single person I spoke with, even Ray and Saffron Rae, pretty much had the same response. It boiled down to, ''Undead? Destroy!''


    At the end of the day, when my beautiful, generous partners spirited me off to have their way with me, I sighed and said, "I hate to keep doing this, but I''m tryna focus on the interrogation tomorrow. I can''t really appreciate much tonight. Sure as fuck not whatever you two have planned for my big ''reward''."


    "Rewards. Plural. Don''t forget that, love."


    I chuckled. "Not like you''re gonna let me."


    She sighed melodramatically, looking at Marie with the back of her wrist against her forehead and a twinkle in her eye. "Yet again we must wait upon the whims of our Goddess."


    Marie drew a laugh out of me with an absolutely silly, "Sad."


    As my Maenad pinned me down, I said, "yeah, I need to be up early, too."


    Saffron just nodded. "Ah. Drive you deep into unconsciousness as hard and fast as possible. As my Goddess wishes."


    "That''s not what I..." At that point Marie kinda eliminated my ability to speak. Or breathe. Not that I was gonna complain. Then Saffron took the opportunity to demonstrate that high teens Skill she''d gotten so smug about.


    The last thing I heard before they slam dunked me into unconsciousness was her crowing out, "DING!"


    Woke in the morning as the kids were stirring. Helped everybody through the bath, confirmed that Anna had yet to find a nursemaid for the Lancasters, but she''d yet to hit any serious problems with talking to the Maenads. After breakfast I split one of me off to play with the kids, another to read with Maze, one more to stand watch with Marie, and a another standing in the Academy office where Saffron sat working.


    She looked up and asked, "did you need something, love?"


    I scrunched up my nose. "Kinda sorta?"


    After a few moments she said, "well, out with it."


    I nodded, stepped over, picked her up, spun about, sat down in our chair, then sat her on my lap and slipped my arms around her waist, tilting her back until her pony tail poofed into my face. "Comfy?"


    I heard the smile in her voice when she answered, "tolerable."


    "Good. Carry on, Beloved Priestess Mine."


    On the mast of the Black Dragon, I handed Marie the binoculars, then scampered up and wrapped my legs around her waist, my arms around her chest. "So, Murder Mittens. Did you enjoy using me as a woobie yesterday?"


    "Woobie?"


    "Comfort doll?"


    A purr rumbled through her as she raised the binoculars with one hand and slid the other up my back. "Yes."


    I lay my head against her chest and said, "you can be a little bit ungentle. Just don''t mess up The Dress?" A moment later I decided not to regret my words as she slipped her claws all the way around my chest and dug in just a little more than she had been before. Okay, I realized a second later that I needed to Co-Locate right away, because that me would definitely wind up bringing back some new scratches before the end of the day. On the other hand it felt incredible on my sore muscles, so... win.


    I walked down to the brig. A new pair of Thralls were on duty, and the woman I''d un-Undeaded sat on the simple bunk, a book in hand. When she saw me, she snapped it closed, and I saw a circle and arrow symbol on the cover. She stood and dropped into a parade rest as I grabbed the folding chair leaning against the wall, walked over, unlocked the door, closed and locked it behind me, then handed the keys out to the thralls. I set up the folding chair, sat, then nodded to the bench. "Sit."


    She stared at the wall over my head. "I''d prefer to stand."


    I rolled my eyes. "You injured?"


    She shook her head. "No."


    "Then I didn''t ask. Sit." Her nostrils flared, but after glancing at me where I lounged in the folding chair, she snorted and sat. "Do you know why I put you in here?"


    She shrugged. "I assumed you needed time to build a gallows."


    I laughed. "Nah. I''m pretty fuckin'' straightforward. If I were gonna kill you, I''d just kill you. Which, if you notice, I''m not doing."


    "Why?"


    I sighed. "Look, I''ve got a few questions for you. Do you mind if we get those out of the way before we start any back and forth bickering?"


    "I cannot... I will not help you conquer Calverton."


    I facepalmed. When I looked back at her, she looked at me, confused. "Yeah, look. Would it make you feel better if I told you General Hargreaves is one of the field commanders of the Alliance Liberation Expedition?"


    "Alliance?"


    I shook my head. "Shit. Okay. My questions first. Did you, like, intentionally become Undead?"


    She barked out something like a laugh. "Like you''d believe me if I said ''no''."


    I shrugged. "I''m a dumbass. I probably would. But just in case the answer was ''yes'', would you do it again?"


    She shuddered. "No."


    I nodded. "Okay. Good. I can work with that. Do you remember anything about your Undead time?"


    She sighed. "Some. Parts are... fuzzy. But I will not help you conquer Calverton."


    I rolled my eyes so hard I wound up staring at the Thralls. "Do you believe her?" I shook my head and looked back at her. "Look, let''s start over." I held out a hand. "I''m Tabitha Diaz. Champion of the Inter-City Alliance, High Priestess and Champion of Loki, and for now Queen of Norfolk. And you are?"


    "For now?"


    "Okay, sure, gimme an alias. Just something to call you."


    She shook her head. "No, I meant why are you Queen ''for now''?"


    "Oh! Yeah, well, I didn''t want to be Queen, but Mayor McCann and General Hargreaves joined the Alliance at least in part to get our help to free Calverton from the Undead, but former King Shitdick, you might know him as Gregor of Norfolk decided to be a dick, so I had to kill him and take his shit in order to get your Soldiers through." I thought for a second while her jaw dropped open. "But as soon as Calverton is free I''m gonna crown Olga and wash my hands of that shit."


    She shook her head. "Mayor McCann is alive?"


    I nodded. "Yep. He''s on the Grand Council now. One of..." I made a show of counting on my fingers. "Six Grand Councilors."


    "Gregor is dead?" I nodded. "How?"


    "I boiled what passed for his brain into steam. Amazingly, that killed him dead as fuck." She snorted, and I asked, "your name?"


    She sighed. "Orla."


    I waited, but she just stood there. "No family name?"


    "My family... My family''s gone. No point. It''s just me now."


    "I''m sorry."


    She looked up at me, anger sparking. "Why? Did you do it? Or should I say did you mean it to strike at my family specifically?"


    It only took me a second, and I sighed, leaning my elbows on my knees. "Fuck. They died to the Plague?" I took her fuming silence for affirmation. "Yeah, despite what that asshole Garland might have said, I didn''t start that fuckin'' Plague."


    "Blasphemer! High Priest Garland was a great man! He abandoned wealth and power in Phileo to warn us about you!"


    I raised one hand, and she flinched back. "Look, before you say it, I''m a slut, not a whore. Also, I''m pretty sure Garland abandoned a potential treason charge in Phileo to avoid us catching him feeding Oliver Orange information about our military. He also lost a Trial By Combat to my man Larry."


    "Garland lost? I don''t believe you!"


    I sighed again. "Look, would you believe Hargreaves? He was there."


    She shook her head. "Hargreaves is a good man, but he could have been deceived by you, Harlot of Loki!"


    I leapt out of my seat and screamed, "SLUT! If you''re gonna be all high and mighty, at least get it fuckin'' right!" She cringed, and I sighed and slumped back into my chair. "Sorry, sorry. That just... that really pisses me off. Okay?" She stayed silent. "Look, gimme a sec."


    Atop the mast, I nuzzled Marie then leaned back onto her suspiciously slick claw. "Mittens, could you be a sweetie and fetch Artemis please?"


    She nodded. "Vlickies."


    I split one of me off to Hargreaves'' office. He looked up from his paperwork when I entered. "Majesty."


    "Oh, jeez, not you too now. Can we stick with Tabitha?"


    He tilted his head. "Commander. Best I can do."


    I laughed. "I need you for a few minutes." I held out my hand, he took it, and I stepped us over to the Black Dragon. Artemis stood there, blindfolded. I took her by the hand, nodded for Hargreaves to follow, and led them both down to the brig.


    When we got there I collapsed into myself and nodded to the two coming into the brig. "You recognize them?"


    She looked up, then leapt to her feet. "General Hargreaves!" She saluted, then saw Artemis as the Goddess ducked to get into the room. Orla''s eyes went wide, and she scooped up her little book and flipped to some pages near the back, then dropped to her knees. "Lady," she muttered, her face on the floor.


    Artemis blanched, looked in my general direction, and whispered, "rise, woman. You ought not bow to me, of all people."


    Orla stood, but didn''t raise her eyes. "You are the sister of my Lord Ares. If not to you, to whom should I kneel?"


    Credit where it''s due, Artemis didn''t flinch. "To the one who sits within your cell, the one who defeated me in single combat." When Orla''s head snapped up, Artemis said, "twice."


    I looked over at her. "Twice?"


    The Goddess nodded. "The bath."


    I snorted. "Oh, please. That wasn''t a fight. You didn''t even fuckin'' have arms. That was just a lesson in manners."


    "As you say it, Mistress."


    Orla scuttled backwards until she''d pressed herself into the corner opposite where I sat. "What the hell are you?"


    Before I could bring my temper to heel, Hargreaves cut in. "She is Our Champion, Orla."


    Orla looked at him. "Our?"


    He nodded. "Our. And Patron Demigoddess of the Alliance. Tabitha Diaz. I strongly recommend you apologize for whatever you said to upset the Demigoddess of Bloodlust."


    "F-f-forgive me," she managed to croak out. "I... I... I..."


    I shook my head, sighed, and pushed myself to my feet. I held out a hand and waited for her to take it. When she did, I pulled her in and embraced her, patting her back. "Water under the bridge. Just remember...?"


    "Remember?"


    "Slut, not whore, or harlot, or prostitute. I do it for free or I don''t do it at all. And I really hate being called a thing. I''m just a dumb bitch who wound up in exactly the wrong place at exactly the wrong time, and just happen to have a knack for wrecking the shit out of anything and everything." I took a deep breath, blew it out, and pushed her out to arm''s length. "Okay. Artemis? Who spread the Plague to Calverton City?"


    "My brother Apollo, who you have punished for his crimes. Also Garland, High Priest of Ares to Phileo."


    When she went silent, Hargreaves cut in. "That arrogant bastard died to her," he nodded to me, "man Laurence Lancaster, who took him right through the eye slit. Cleanest lunge I''ve seen in a while."


    Orla dropped to the bunk with a thump. "What have I done?"


    I stepped over and lay a hand on her shoulder. "You got conned. Then I''m guessing you got sick and died?" At her nod, I continued. "Then you got mad about it, and when the Miasma got thick enough, you got back up to get back at the ''Whore of Phileo''?" She winced, but nodded. "Well, good news, Phileo doesn''t have an official whore. So nobody to get mad about your interrupted vengeance. But right now, you could maybe save a lot of lives, especially those of Calverton''s remaining Soldiers and Heroes, if you could answer some questions for the General?"


    "Of course!" She nodded, looking at the General eagerly, as if somehow he was her only lifeline out of a nightmare.


    Fuck it. Trapped in a room with me? I might have thought so too.

 Day Four Hundred And Twelve

    Dear Diary,


    "If you tell the truth, you don''t have to remember anything."


    - Mark Twain


    Mister Clemens, that''s a clear sign you''ve never had to deal with a gaslighting asshole. Because just because I''m telling the truth doesn''t mean the other guy is, and if you''re dealing with that flavor of shitlord, they''re gonna spew bullshit with such devoted conviction that unless you''ve seared the actual events into your memory, you will absolutely wind up believing that you imagined shit. It only gets worse if you know anything about how shitty human memory generally is, because sure as shit once you know that, you realize that you could have misremembered the whole thing. Fuck, then there''s the goddamned Mandela effect, where you and a bunch of other people remember something that flies in the face of every bit of evidence in the world regarding what you''re talking about.


    I mean, yeah, I get it, if you make a habit of telling the truth, you don''t have to remember what you said, because, y''know, you''ve been telling the truth so all you gotta do is check the facts. Worst case, you were wrong, and you apologize and move on. Okay, worst case you''re a dumbass who is perpetually wrong, but then you learn to stop saying authoritative shit.


    Of course then a bunch of people decide you''re a Goddess and make you a Queen and Champion and General and won''t stop listening to you no matter how often you tell them that you are an utter dumbass and in no way capable of leading cats out of a sack, let alone an army made up of troops from six cities, four different command structures, and at least eight or nine different cultures. Because if you try to tell me that ''Phileo'' and ''Lancaster'' are the same culture, I''m gonna tell Potami you said that and sit back with popcorn. Laughing will be involved. Pointing and verbal mockery are likely as well. Pretty sure the Jotnar had their own thing going on in their fishing villages separate from the Thralls and Karls and Jarls as well.


    So yesterday I rubbed Orla''s nose in some facts she really didn''t want to smell by bringing General Hargreaves and Artemis as witnesses to testify that I am, in fact, shit at lying and had told her nothing but the truth about Apollo, Garland, and the Plague. After that, she blabbed everything she knew about the Undead order of battle and dispositions. I pretty much just sat there in the cell with her, nodding when she hesitated. I''m not sure if she wasn''t sure whether I would be upset by her talking, upset by her not talking, or if she needed to be sure I''d protect her from ''The Master'' if he felt some kinda way about her switching sides. Again, really, since she started out a newbie Calverton Hero, then became a Death Knight, and now was kinda sorta on track to become a Calverton Hero again. She was definitely an Alliance asset, and would be staying in the brig until such time as I could be sure she wouldn''t turn on us or wind up getting shanked by some over-eager Jarl.


    Maybe fifteen minutes into the interrogation, I stepped one of me just outside the brig and pulled Artemis out of the room, guiding her up to the deck. "Where were you when Marie found you?"


    "With Dionysus in Phileo," she replied just as quietly as I''d asked.


    "At that little diner on South Street?" She nodded, I took her hand, and stepped her there.


    When I led her inside, Dionysus looked up from at least a half dozen self-mobile rugrats on and around his lap and called out, "thank the Fates, you''ve returned."


    She stepped forward and sat at a table next to Dionysus'', only to be swarmed by the kids. "Where''d those come from?"


    Artemis nodded toward the kitchen. "Two are children of the staff here. Two are friends of theirs. Most of the rest are friends of friends or similar." She paused, then lashed out lightning fast to snag one who''d been sneaking up to grab the dangling ends of her blindfold. "This one, however, I found sleeping on the street one night. I''ve returned her to the temple every night since, and yet she continues to find her way back here."


    I stepped over, lay my hand atop her head, then ran it down one side of her hair until my palm covered her ear. Then I leaned in until my mouth brushed against her other ear and breathed out, "good girl," before I collapsed back to the me listening to the interrogation.


    Right about then General Hargreaves looked at one of the Thralls and said, "keys."


    "No."


    He froze. "As you wish, Majesty."


    I sighed and said, "look, right now she''s singing like the proverbial canary. Telling us everything we want to know, at least as well as she can remember."


    "I swear to you, Lady, I am!"


    I slumped. "Yeah. Yeah, I think you are. But really? Not only am I a dumbass who could be conned by any half decent actor, which you might be," I held up a hand to forestall her interruption, "but even if you''re telling us every little thing, there''s still a possibility that The Master or one of his Lich flunkies could, I dunno, reactivate that mind control mojo they have over all the Undead."


    "I..." She stopped, slumped. "I understand," she whispered.


    "Yeah, I''m not sure you do. I''m not, repeat not, gonna leave anybody locked in a box forever. I''m not even real comfortable with keeping you in here right now, but that''s just me, and I gotta shut up and soldier. But you remember what I told you?" At her confused look, I explained, "if I want you dead? I''m gonna kill you. You''ve been cooperative since I pulled your head out of your ass, so if I or the Imperator or somebody else I trust decides that you have to die? I''ll tell you, and give you a chance to, I dunno, pray or put your affairs in order or say your final words, and I''ll make it as quick and painless as I can. Or do it however you want it done so long as it''s not gonna put anybody else in danger somehow. But for right now?" I waited until she cocked her head. "I don''t want you dead, and don''t think you need to die. Get it?"


    She looked utterly lost, but replied, "I... understand, Lady."


    I shook my head. "Can we keep it to ''Champion'', if you can''t just call me Tabitha? Fuck, I''ll take Diaz at this point."


    "As you wish, Champion."


    I nodded, nodded again to Hargreaves, and leaned back in my chair to let the conversation flow over me. To be honest, I didn''t really focus on the interrogation the whole time. Even watching Saffron''s coding windows through her eyes while I played seat cushion was less painfully boring than listening to the two of them hammer out where she''d last seen every fuckin'' Undead in Calverton. Sure as shit listening to Maze read The Shepherd''s Crown beat it all to hell. Oddly enough clinging to Marie while she absentmindedly mauled me with her off hand should have been boring, but for whatever reason when I focused there the tidal bore of endorphins flipped the creative switches in my brain.


    As the sun hit the horizon, some sailors arrived with dinner for the guards. I looked over and said, "she gets dinner too. Same as anybody else at this point." The two guards made to hand their dinners in; I took one, handed it over to Orla, then shook my head. "I''m fine, I''ll get dinner back at home. But even if we''ve got to keep her locked in here for everybody''s safety, that includes her own. No torture. Got it?"


    "Yes, Majesty."


    I sighed, shook my head, and collapsed back to the me on the mast. A blast of Happy Brain Chemicals, not to mention maybe a little bit of lightheadedness from constant blood loss, hit me again. "Mittens?"


    "Vlickies."


    "You mind staying here with me until bed time?" In answer, she pulled her hand away, licked it clean, then carefully put the binoculars back in their case and hung it from a convenient hook. Then she twisted me around to her front, leaned back against the mast proper, and purred as she set to mauling me some more. "Oh. Uh... you''ve been nursing some of those kids, right?" She nodded. "Good." She raised an eyebrow, but I just grinned, shut the fuck up, and enjoyed how her mauling ramped up half a notch.


    If I were a normal person, I''d say I chowed down at dinner, because that''s how I do with fried chicken tendies and waffles, but I''m me. I scarfed down my own tenders, a couple of Saffron''s, plus a few more leftovers from the rest of table, plus another serving Marie brought out for me special. Plus a big fuckin'' bite of waffle, because Lancaster House waffles are good. I mean, all but a few bites of waffle that Menace and Maze teamed up to steal wound up in Saffron''s belly, but that''s just the proper disposition of anything sweet.


    After we got everybody in bed, I collapsed the two of us on the mast to our little room, pulling a Saffron in as well. "Finally, your reward." I shook my head, and she rolled her eyes and groaned.


    "Nah. In a mood. Feeling... creative." Frustration and curiosity danced in her eyes, so I whispered, "tomorrow. I promise." Frustration evaporated, leaving nothing but my Kitten eagerly awaiting my nefarious schemes. I looked up at the red-clawed Marie with us, ran a hand down her front, and said, "you haven''t collapsed in any of you that have been nursing, have you?"


    "No."


    "Bring one," I sang, and a second Marie joined us. This one was just a little more buxom, and there was no fuckin'' way I could miss the extra nips down her front. "Together." She collapsed into herself, and I slid my hand down her front as slowly as I could while I asked, "so tell me, Murder Mittens, do all those nipples of yours get sensitive when you''re nursing?"


    My gaze had followed my hand, and when Marie didn''t answer, I looked up to see her eyes crossed, a tiny bit of drool painting her fur at he corner of her mouth. "I think you got your answer, love."


    I laughed, and when something approaching coherence came back into Marie''s eyes, said, "guitar."


    "Oh, you are evil." When I looked at Saffron just a little sharply, she smiled and said," in all the best ways, love." At my raised eyebrow, she explained, "I would never have thought about using the nursing sensitivity like that."


    "Did it with you."


    Her eyes widened. "That was on purpose?"


    "Happy accident."


    She slid up next to us, rubbed herself against me and purred. "Very happy."


    I sighed. "I''m gonna need you with me on the Black Dragon tomorrow to talk to Orla."


    She got a comical pout at that. "I''m going to miss you ''playing Marie like a guitar''?"


    I smiled down at her, scooped her in for a kiss, and when I finished looked down into her eyes and said, "maybe some later bits. But only because we do unto you like you did unto me last night."


    "Oh. Well. Oh. My. Uh..."


    I laughed. "When the war is done and we have time, I''ll be sure to arrange an encore concert just for you."


    "Yay!"


    I sat down on the edge of the bed, pulled Marie down to lay across my lap, ran my hand up and down her front, then frowned. "No, this just won''t do." I gently lowered her to the floor in front of me, then got up and pulled the saddle out of its drawer, setting it next to me on the bed. I looked at Marie, nodded, and she started to climb into the saddle. I shook my head, twirled my finger around, and her eyebrows shot up, but she turned her back onto me before settling in. I pulled her backward across my lap, admiring the way her back arched, her elbows holding her shoulders just off the surface of the mattress. I looked up at where Saffron had settled onto the divan, smiled, and said, "oh, no, you can''t possibly hear this properly from over there."


    If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    She stood and sashayed over to stand right in front of me, and I spread my hands across Marie''s front as Saffron leaned across her to kiss me. One hand slipped around Saffron''s waist, and when our lips separated I said, "yeah, Marie?"


    The vibrato in her voice spoke of the strain I''d put her under to maintain the arch. "Yes?"


    "Oh, Mittens, does that hurt?"


    "Yes?"


    I gently stroked her front. "We can stop."


    "NO."


    I grinned over at her. "Are you anywhere near your limit?"


    "No."


    "So... push?"


    The grin on her face told me everything I needed to know. "Okay then. You''ve got better things to do with your arms than that." Her shoulders thumped to the mattress, I hoisted a squeaking Saffron above her proper seat, and asked, "how fast can you put her to sleep?"


    "Not."


    I paused. "Not what?"


    "Guitar."


    I laughed. "Okay, yeah, but guitar sounds cooler than ''zither''."


    She snorted, her eyes fluttering as she caught wind of the treat I''d dangled above her and said, "Psaltery."


    I rolled my eyes, looked at Saffron and said, "guitar, zither, psaltery, none of them ought to be talking. So your job is to shut her up for as long as you can." Then I took one more look at Marie''s beautiful face and said, "and yours is to make that as short as possible," before covering it up.


    Then, because I''m just the kind of cool musician to, y''know, have an electric psaltery, I reached over, poked a few buttons until my... uh... amp warmed up, and got to playing. Interesting bit of trivia; when played properly a Maenad psaltery doesn''t speak either, but the sounds coming out are almost like a cello. Also, the Worship of a properly played Maenad psaltery can keep me up all night and leave me pleasantly refreshed in the morning.


    In the bathroom, when Maze came past for toweling, I pulled her in close enough to murmur, "ready to start reading for the group again?"


    She thought about it a second, then said, "can I finish Shepherd''s Crown first?"


    I smiled and said, "sure thing, Horse Girl."


    So after breakfast and a quick check in with Anna, I split into one of me refereeing for the kids, one of me sitting with Maze reading Pratchett, one of me clinging to Marie like a limpet while she scanned the City, and one of me in the Academy office settling into the chair, about to pull Saffron onto my lap.


    Right about then she shook her head, thwapping me a couple times with her pony tail, and said, "while I do enjoy this, you needed me with you for further interrogation of your converted Death Knight?"


    "Orla."


    "Orla then." She paused, humming. "Well, I suspect I''ll need to concentrate enough on that that I won''t be able to work here anyhow.


    "Aw."


    She looked over her shoulder at me. "You can''t tell me you enjoy sitting here watching me work that much."


    I grabbed her ass, squished just a little, then slipped my hands to her waist and pulled her down into my lap, wiggling her waist to squish her butt against my thighs. "You feel good on my lap. You smell good. You make the cutest little humming noises while you''re thinking. You wriggle when you get excited because you just figured something out. Even your hair feels nice against my face. What''s not to love?"


    She twisted around and leaned into me, pressing her forehead against mine. "You like it that much?" she breathed into my mouth.


    "Yeah."


    She swallowed, "you... you promised tonight."


    "Yeah."


    A Grin stretched her lips. "Won''t... won''t this make it worse?"


    I answered her Grin with one of my own. "Oh. Yeah."


    "Well then. Let''s get Orla''s interrogation over with so I can get back to my very important Shaping research." Funny, what with us being in absolute agreement, we didn''t leave for at least like twenty minutes after that.


    When we dropped to the deck of the Black Dragon, I remembered something from the day before. "What did you say about research yesterday?"


    Oh. Yes. Unfortunately, I''ve found a possible description for your condition, and... what I''d intended might not work.


    You mean the exposure therapy?


    Yes.


    But... it might work, right?


    She sighed. It could also hurt you, love.


    I shrugged. "Fuck it. We ball."


    "Does that mean what I think it means?" I nodded. "Ooh, so I can begin tonight." I shook my head. "Why not?"


    "Promised my Kitten something about rewards. So not tomorrow night either. Promised her that night too."


    She looked up at me, a little confused. "When?"


    "Just now."


    She laughed through her frown. "I''m going to make you regret that, you realize."


    "Am I going to enjoy regretting it?"


    She laughed again. "Knowing you? Probably."


    I nodded sagely. "Fuck it. We ball."


    We stepped into the brig laughing, Saffron snuggled up under my arm. I stepped us into the cell, and Orla hopped to her feet. "Champion."


    I nodded toward her bunk, said, "go on, sit, we''ll probably be here for a while." Then I dropped into my own chair, pulling Saffron onto my lap.


    Orla looked a little uncertain, but moved to sit down. Halfway there, she froze as Saffron snarked, "oh, sure, don''t introduce me. I''m just your lap candy?"


    I looked away from Orla to see Saffron had folded her arms and had on her best ''annoyed now make it up to me'' look on. "Oh, no. You''re not just my lap candy. You''re my favorite lap candy."


    I almost got Orla with that. Saffron was made of sterner stuff, and set her mouth in an annoyed little moue. "You could at least introduce me, rather than leaving me as just your unnamed doxy."


    I glanced at Orla, then at her bench. Her butt hit the bench and I said, "Orla, former Death Knight, once and future Hero of Calverton, this is my very favoritest person in the world, my wife, my therapist, my Imperator, and most importantly right now, Archmage twice over Saffron Aetos-Diaz. Archmage, this is the Death Knight I un-Undeaded."


    When I said ''Imperator'', Orla leapt back to her feet like the bench was a hibachi grill. Before I even finished the second half of my introduction, Saffron waved her back down, saying, "Please, sit. With my wife running the meeting, your legs will give out before she''s done trying to get into my skirts from flattery alone."


    "I can do that?"


    "Well, considering you don''t need the flattery at all, of course you could."


    "Aww..." I snuggled her, glancing at Orla and pointedly glancing at her bench again. "Okay, Orla. You were a Warrior before the Plague, right?"


    "Well..." she temporized as she gingerly sat on the edge of her bench-bunk.


    "Look, correct me if I''m wrong. I''m used to that shit when I think I know something, and right now I''m not sure I know anything. Go on."


    "The term in use for melee focused Heroes in Calverton was... is Knight. Not Warrior. To differentiate us from the more numerous Archers."


    I nodded. "Okay. Cool. So you''re a Knight?"


    She paused a moment, then said, "if... If it pleases the Champion and Imperator to treat me as such still. Although I was, technically, a Mage-Knight."


    "Weird. Are you guys actually cavalry?"


    "Are we what?"


    "Never mind." I cocked my head. "So... mostly Mage with a little Knight, mostly Knight with a little Mage, or half and half?"


    "The middle one. I had not the temperament to study enough to become a proper Mage, but I do have the Sight, and I learned enough to cast a few Spells, to create a few Mana Shapes. Mostly I studied non-Spell Shapes that could enhance my Skills."


    I chewed on that for half a second, then asked, "the other dude with you. He didn''t seem to respond to my offer to un-Undead him. Was he just a dick who liked the Death Knight life, or...?"


    She paused, her gaze drifting off to the wall as she thought. "I''m not certain, but... he never hesitated when a Lich gave him orders. He never seemed bored, or like he wanted to take the initiative and attack the Trolls when they overextended. I''m certain I could have taken out at least a squad or two before they responded, at the cost of only a few Zombies at worst."


    "Zombies? The basic bitch Undead, the ones that just kind of shamble around unless they see somebody with a pulse, or a Lich is driving them?"


    She nodded. "Exactly. But like I said, he didn''t seem to have those same impulses to squash."


    "Why didn''t you tell the Lich about the opportunities?"


    She shrugged. "He was an ass, forced me to silence the first time I tried."


    I put my arms around Saffron. "You thinkin'' what I''m thinkin?" When she hummed noncommittally, I said, "The only ones who we''ve seen with any kind of self-direction are the Liches, who were Mages before becoming Undead, and Orla here, who was in part a Mage."


    She nodded. "I had noticed that."


    I took a deep breath and blew it out. "Okay, Orla. Part of me really wants to get you back on the front line, show the rest of them that somebody can be saved from Undeath." She practically vibrated with eagerness, and I hated to squash that, but... "That''s not gonna happen, though." When she deflated, before she could ask, I said, "your protection and theirs. If anything goes wrong, you''ll get blamed."


    "I deserve it."


    "Oh, you gonna betray us?" Her gaze shot up, but I interrupted her reflexive denial. "Didn''t think so. But they will. Unless you do, you don''t deserve shit. You got dealt a shitty hand, and when somebody offered you a new one, you took it. Even when I had to burn your Soul and twist it inside out to give you that chance, you took it." I sighed. "Yeah, maybe you''ll have to prove yourself a lot, and you''ll get a chance to, but for now? You''re staying here. More reason than that though."


    "Oh?"


    "Yeah. I get that this hurts to hear, but you might just be some kind of awesome actress, and The Master sent you to fuck with us. Or maybe you''re playing straight with us, you really do want another chance, but you''re some kind of poison pill The Master sent to fuck with us without you knowing it, which would make him even more of a bastard, but anybody who dumps every baby in the City into a pit to fuck with us is bastard enough to do any other bastardish thing I can think of." I waited until she nodded, then said, "finally, at least the final thing I can think of, is... can you guarantee that whatever mojo that Lich used to control you is gone? That The Master couldn''t reach out and take control of you?"


    "I would fight him!"


    I shook my head. "Yeah, I get that. Wasn''t even questioning it. But can you absolutely guarantee that he doesn''t have enough of an in with your Soul, your mind, or your body to jostle your elbow, to make you hesitate at just the wrong moment?"


    She slumped. "I... I cannot."


    I nodded. "Yeah. Okay. So you get why I can''t send you back to the front?"


    "Yes."


    "Okay then. The reason you''re staying here, in the brig of the Black Dragon, is that this is probably the best protected, securest place in the Alliance right now. You''ve got two or more guards watching you at all times. To make it clear, even if you wanted to? Right now you can''t do shit."


    She slumped until her back leaned against the wall behind her. "I understand."


    "Good. D''you know what you can do? Especially since you trained at least a little as a Mage, so you know the lingo?" She perked up. "You can answer questions to help Archmage Aetos here figure out if there''s some way we can disrupt the Liches'' control over the rest of the Undead in Calverton."


    "Aetos-Diaz, Goof."


    "Woof."


    We spent the rest of the morning grilling Orla about her time as an Undead, specifically what she noticed about the Liches. Okay, mostly Saffron did. I just sat there playing booster seat and enjoying the feel of her ass on my thighs. I''m a simple woman, I feel squish I press like.


    Okay, when we went back to the office after lunch, I felt squish and grabbed boob.


    "Well, just distract me while I''m working why don''t you?"


    I went still. "I''ll stop?"


    She huffed. "A question before I decide whether I''m going to be mad at you for starting or mad at you for stopping?"


    "Sure." My hands moved on their own at that point. Totally didn''t tell them to or anything. Also, I''m lying.


    "Will this make tonight better or worse for you?"


    I thought about that for a minute, my leg bouncing on its own to add to wifely jiggle physics . "Both." At her inquisitive hum, I said, "Totally gonna make me think about it the whole time I''m sitting here, but since I''m not gonna get to go any further than this it''s gonna be totally frustrating. So since I know you''re gonna tease the fuck out of me now that I''ve told you that, it''s gonna be so. Much. Worse. And that''s totally gonna make it so... Much... Better."


    "Who says you won''t get to go any further?"


    "Uh..."


    "Your hands stay on me. As you might say, this is excellent training for my ability to focus despite distractions." With that she started moving her hands through the air. A quick glance through her perceptions showed that she was, in fact, working on some entirely new Shapes.


    "What do I get if I actually, uh, interrupt you?"


    "Oh, you want further rewards, my Champion?"


    I shrugged, enjoying what that did to her perception of my hands. "Hey, I''m also your personal trainer today, so, yes please?"


    Her coding never stopped as she huffed and said, "fine. Every time you make me stop working for more than ten seconds, I add ten minutes to your torment tonight."


    "Uh..."


    "Ten more deliciously agonizing moments between each of the times I make you spout that lovely word salad, my love."


    I snugged her back against my chest and growled into her ear. "Buckle up, buttercup."


    I have no idea what freaky ''concentration'' skill she''s got going on, but three times out of seven she didn''t even stop working, let alone for ten seconds.


    When we finished for the night, she made me feed her dinner, bite by agonizing bite, at the dinner table with everybody including the kids watching, so I couldn''t even, y''know, feed it to her erotically or anything. By the constant Grins she shot me, not to mention the ones Marie added when she delivered more food, that was absolutely deliberate. She took her fuckin'' time about bedtime, too. By the time she yoinked the three of us to the Love Shack, I was, as Beetlejuice says, ''anxious''.


    She shoved me back into Marie''s lap where my favorite Maenad sat on the end of the bed, then nodded. "Three."


    Marie''s arms wrapped around me in a suspiciously identical configuration to how I''d been holding Saffron all afternoon. I squeaked out, "Three?"


    Saffron nodded and asked me, "you know I listen to you almost constantly, right love?" At my wordless nod, she asked, "you don''t consider that an invasion of privacy? Two."


    I swallowed, thought about how to respond, and then in the spirit of ''fuck it, we ball'', said, "Invade me. Two?"


    She smiled at me and stepped forward, reaching to cup my face in her hand, but at the last second reaching up and sliding her palm across Marie''s cheek instead. "Beloved Marie, you deserve to know that our Tabitha has postponed our wedding..." Marie whined just the tiniest bit. "Until she acquires the Skills to properly consummate our union." Happy Marie noises replaced the whine. "One."


    I trembled as I said "Are you trying to wind me up with that whole countdown thing, becauhahaha..." I lost control of my mouth for a moment as Marie interrupted me with one strategically placed finger. "Totally fucking working. Working very well. Wound. Wound tight. Holy shit."


    Saffron stepped forward, molding herself around Marie''s confining arms, pressing herself against me around them, and leaned her mouth next to my ear. Then with two syllables, just half a word, signaled Marie to set my ecstasy induced involuntary profanity stream loose.


    "...pation."

 Day Four Hundred And Thirteen

    Dear Diary,


    "Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth."


    - Henry David Thoreau


    Yeah, old Hank here is definitely a child of privilege. Not saying he''s a bad guy or anything, but you ask anybody who''s lived a life where they''re not sure about their next meal, the roof over their head, or whether the next round of winter colds is gonna leave them crippled for life whether they''d rather have money or truth? Most of ''em are gonna ask if the money''s counterfeit, but if it''s not, or the counterfeit is enough for them to pay rent, fill the pantry, and stock up the medicine cabinet, they''re gonna be all, ''lie to me, baby'' and shit. Same goes for love; somebody whose affection starved, touch starved, needing that human connection is gonna jump at the chance for anything even vaguely resembling love. How the fuck else do you think the abusive douchebags of the world wind up with hotties all the time?


    Not sure about fame, but given how much being famous can get you, y''know, invited to dinner, or having people let you crash on their bed, or make your GoFundMe for hospital bills fill up in a matter of minutes, I''m guessing the same thing applies. Hell, if you''re famous enough, you can even get some of that ''I can''t believe it''s not butter love'' to rub all over yourself, and a lot of it''s gonna be self-lubricating and auto-rubbing, too. Plenty of other people agree with me on this one, what with all the celebrities living in bubbles out there. Before anybody says ''oh, but they''re idiots'', remember who you''re talking to here.


    Y''know, that reminds me of that old phrase about, uh, I think it was love and money. No, wait, air? Yeah, I don''t think it was ever more than two things, but I''ve heard it a couple different ways, with all kinds of stuff like love, money, air, food, water... I think I might even have heard ''space'' once in a discussion about micro-houses. ''What do love and money have in common?'' ''They only matter when you don''t have enough.'' So, y''know, whatever else Mr. Thoreau had or didn''t, it''s pretty clear he always had enough love, money, and fame.


    I... holy shit, I just realized that I''ve pretty much got all that anybody could ever want of all three of those. Funny, though. I''ve got more love than I know what to do with and I''d still probably take some more if somebody plated it up like Marie delivering trays of spicy eggs. Fame I''ve even got maybe too much of, although whatever part of me gets the Happy Brain Chemicals from Worship just told me to shut my whore mouth, so I guess maybe I''ll back off on the ''too much'' and put it at ''enough fame for now''. Okay, that should probably have been shut my slut mouth, because if I''m gonna get pissed at people for using ''sex worker'' as an insult, my inner monologue needs to cut that shit out too. Money... honestly I still don''t have any money except my coin purse, but as Saffron once mentioned, that shit is bottomless. Also, y''know, why would I need money when my food is free, my family has two suites, a modest townhouse in Camden, and we''re building our own... well, shit, from the foundations we''re building a fucking mansion on a chunk of land we own.


    So last night... holy shit. Just putting this out there, if there are no entries in this Diary after tonight, it is absolutely the way I wanted to go out. Shit, last night they didn''t even open the blessed toy drawer, or even pull any of the fascina from the headboard. Apparently Saffron decided to ''save that for tonight''. I''m fuckin'' doomed, but holy shit what a way to go. Gotta say I''m kinda curious about that saddle, though. Wanted one since I saw that shit on a clip from the Stern show. Really fuckin'' spendy for a kid on a fixed income though. Gotta thank Conrad at some point for that, and now I''ve definitely squicked myself, both because he''s technically my son and because, y''know, Conrad.


    So Mimic dreamt of the super chibi chefs doing their telekinetic massage while Marie shredded layer after layer off of the Tentacle With No Name. Never seemed to get any smaller, but Her Dark Fatassness seemed to take great delight in slurping it clean of shredded outer layers and Marie both every so often. Like, I dunno, string cheese or some shit like that. Her Kraken were still too pissed to party, lurking in the water and throwing threatening gang signs at the parts of Calverton where Mimic dare not squat.


    In the morning during bath time, more than a few of the women had gotten into a routine of spilling their cares and woes all over Confessor Saffron. I envied them. I tried really hard not to be jealous, because my favoritest High Priestesses in the whole wide world are of the considered opinion that jealousy is stupid and possibly toxic, and I don''t want to get toxic all over my favoritest toys. People. Women. Wives. Shit, I''m not sure which of those they might take offense to, which ones they''d figuratively or literally get off on, and which ones they''d go all gooey and melty for. Maybe it''s weird, but that''s really way more important to me at this point than the whole Undead Remote Control Blocker. Undead are a temporary problem, even if they''re something that might recur now and then. Wife gooey making is a lifelong project that I''m one hundred and ten percent down for.


    At any rate, while some of the women had speed run the stages of grief and moved on to gossiping and shit, Saffron didn''t give them a lot of time. Enough to be polite, but I think she had even less patience for that than I did. Sure, spill the relevant tea, but miss me with the value judging and irrelevant bullshit. Most of the women hadn''t hit that point though. I think my tiny tyrant had some kind of Ward to muffle sound around the tub, because some of the women even lost their shit entirely, splashing around and hollering, but it all came out muted, like they were keeping their voices down. Then again, they''d just come out of hidden shelters where if they made too much noise, somebody might sell their location to the Spartans. Still, it definitely put a warm gooey center in my belly to watch her gently, quietly ministering to the women staying with us. Part of me wants to say, ''in a secular sense'', but I''m trying to accept that yes, I am a Deity, which means yes, Saffron is a Priestess, which means yes, part of her job is Clergy shit, which for the longest time back in the world of Eastside meant all the shit you''d expect therapists and psychiatric health professionals to do. The closest we had to that was Doc Glass, and from what I could tell he was the bleeding edge of his profession.


    I think one of the weirder things for me were the women who came over to me and, as I draped the towel around them to dry them off, leaned into me. Like, not even in a sex way. Okay, Devorah was definitely in a sexy way, but not, like, pushing boundaries or anything. Just the kind of casually flirtatious shit you''d do if you wanted to keep somebody aware that you are, in fact, an option should they choose to take it. Okay, I''d do. Used to do. Don''t do any more except holy shit I totally do that shit without thinking about it, and I do it even when I am thinking about it when Sister Siobhan''s involved. I joke around a lot about being a slut, because it just feels good to scream that shit at some shithead who tries to use ''sex worker'' as an insult, but I have no idea what to do with the information that I am, in fact, kinda slutty when it comes down to it.


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    At any rate, other than Devorah, who whispered, "after," as she sashayed away toward Marie, the rest just seemed like they wanted to be held by somebody. No idea why they''d pick me, what with my body having, like, two soft spots, while Saffron is just made of curves and Marie is legit warm and fuzzy all over. But hell with it, if Saffron can help out with her brain, I''ll do my part with my biceps, right?


    At the end of bath time Anna and Devorah both stayed behind, and if Maze looked a little put out that the adults had adult business to do, Menace scored points with everyone by asking Maze for a piggy back ride down to breakfast. Devorah pretty much spent the entire conversation shooting smoky eyed glances at me and my wives, but Anna managed to keep the conversation short and simple despite thirst monster nine thousand lurking in the background.


    "Champion, we''ve hit something of a dilemma."


    I shrugged. "No Maenads wanting to nanny for the Lancasters?"


    She shook her head. "More than one, actually." When I tilted my head a little, she explained. "Devorah has been helping, and we both found a Maenad willing to care for the Lancasters'' little one yesterday."


    "Okay, so what''s the problem?"


    "Who do we choose?"


    I realized right then that no matter how smart or capable somebody is, and to survive out in the middle of fuckin'' nowhere for who knows how the fuck long, survive getting your arm lopped off, and jump right back into trying to help other people the moment that shit got made right, Anna definitely had to be smart and capable, people can be dumbasses. Okay, harsh word, but sometimes people just get their head stuck in one line of thought and can''t pull it out. "Who says you have to choose?"


    Anna nodded. "So we leave it to the Lancasters to choose?"


    I shrugged, "yeah, maybe, that could work, or..."


    "Or?"


    "Or you keep asking around, seeing who''s interested, and then gather all the Maenads who want the job and bring them all to Bonnie and Larry." She looked a little weirded out, and I explained, "we''re trying to get them all inside somewhere before winter, right?"


    "Yes?"


    "Okay, so maybe Bonnie and Larry won''t get my nefarious plan by osmosis, so I''ll talk to them about it, but every Maenad they take in to nursemaid and nanny for their little one is one more Maenad in out of the cold. Also it''s not like the ladies here at Lancaster House couldn''t use some role models for being something other than a sex doll."


    About point five seconds after I said that, I realized I''d kinda maybe sorta put my foot in my mouth, but then everybody else in the room, Marie included, started laughing. The Maenad herself walked over and first lifted me by my waist, then tossed me up to get an arm under me and another behind my back before she kissed me. Don''t get me wrong, I am never not in the mood for Marie kisses, but it took me a second to realize why. Okay, a second of confusion painting my face followed by Saffron murmuring, only you would think of Maenads and not think of sex dolls first, love, into my brain. Heck with it. I''ve learned to associate the taste of the sea with warm fuzzy wifey, and I''m okay with that.


    After breakfast I split off, one of me glomping Marie while she kept watch atop the mast, one of me playing seat cushion for Saffron, one of me playing ref for the boisterous kids, one of me reading with Maze, and one final one heading to class with both of my darlings in tow.


    Today in class Doc Z fielded a question about Assess Health which rapidly turned into a... not a ''heated debate'', but something that could have easily turned into one, as Saffron defended her choices regarding her improved Assess Health. Turns out folks who came at healing from a more secular bent had been studying the old Assess Health''s detailed feedback for, well, centuries, and they had all kinds of tricks and mnemonics for knowing what information to check in what situation, not to mention how to find that information and what it meant.


    "So, uh, guys?"


    They both turned to look at me, which gave me the biggest ''oh shit'' reaction I''d had in a while. "Yes, love?"


    "It sounds like a lot of what Doc Z is talking about is super useful, but it''s also, like, super, uh, not systemic... Like, it''s logical. You could make a flow chart for it?"


    They both blinked at me. "A what, dear?"


    I sighed, stood up, and walked to the front of the room, as I did, I said, "you know how your new Assess pops like, the stuff that''s not ''normal'' right up there on the front?" When she nodded, I said, "how do you decide what''s not ''normal'' for that person?"


    "It''s a relatively simple divination."


    Shit. "Okay. Uh. Doc? You''ve got a whole list of things to look for, and an order you look in, right?"


    "Yes, which is why we need that information available quickly."


    I nodded and grabbed up a piece of chalk. "Okay, yeah, but you do it the same way every time, right?"


    He tilted his head back and forth. "Well, sort of. There''s the visual examination of the patient before the Assess is done."


    "Okay, is that the first thing you do? Or do you talk to them?"


    Doc Z nodded. "Talking comes after examination. Sometimes patients fixate on one symptom, and that''s important, but often that symptom isn''t a clear indicator of the problem."


    "Okay, cool." I drew a box as high as I could reach, then wrote... Okay, I drew an eyeball, then beneath it a smiley face and a sad face, each with an arrow. "So you look at them, and I''m guessing if you see something obvious wrong, you do one thing, and if you don''t, you do something else?"


    "Well, yes, that''s..."


    "Brilliant," Saffron breathed. A few seconds later one of her coding windows popped up, glowing faintly so I could see it. It had a box with ''visual exam, obvious problem? Y/N'' written inside. Trust my little genius to get the idea from one fuckin'' box. Of course, at that point she started grilling Doc Z for every fuckin'' step in his process.


    Meanwhile Doc Glass and Sister Siobhan split the rest of the class and started demonstrating how to interpret some of the more advanced Assess Health data. My one smart idea gone, I volunteered to be the target for all the Assessing. Like ninety seconds later, Doc Glass interrupted himself with a double take, then asked, "Champion Diaz, are you currently under the care of an acupuncturist?"


    I opened my mouth to answer, but Marie cut in with a simple, authoritative, "Yes."


    I looked at her, kinda freaked out by her saying that, and asked, "you know how do to acupuncture?"


    Of course right then the her keeping watch on the mast of the Black Dragon lifted pleasant pincushion me who''d been glomped to her by the waist while punching a few more holes in me, kissed me lightly with a bit of a lick on the nose.


    "Duh."


    Well. Fuck. That would explain the whole ''endorphin rush from being perforated'' now, wouldn''t it?

 Day Four Hundred And Fourteen

    Dear Diary,


    "All fixed set patterns are incapable of adaptability or pliability. The truth is outside of all fixed patterns."


    - Bruce Lee


    Y''know, I never really read anything by Bruce Lee back in the day, but the quotes I''ve seen here and now hit home, and they hit home hard. I dunno if that''s because dude was just wise enough to say things plainly enough for a dumbass like me to understand, if he and I have compatible dumbassery, or maybe, just maybe, there''s some kind of Dao of Awesome Shitkickery that''s just the right kind of thing for my brain to process. One way or another this one definitely hit home.


    Seriously, I want to find the truth for a million different reasons. To be a better parent. To be a better partner. To maybe get why those words are anagrams, even if being or having an immature spouse is kind of shitty. To be a better fighter, a better leader, a better Goddess. Maybe even to be a better person. But I definitely want to find it, and it''s been really rough for me when I keep searching, but keep falling short.


    Humans, and I''m including human adjacent things all the way up to and including gods in this one, are pattern recognition machines. Lately, it seems like the only pattern I recognize is me learning, and trying, and striving, and finally getting close to maybe understanding things, then failing in the most spectacular way possible. Like, I''ve begun to think understanding enough about anything to be a decent anything is just beyond me. But then this. This, this, this, holy shit this. If truth is ephemeral, or situational, or whatever, maybe the reason I keep falling short isn''t that I''m not trying hard enough, or not worthy, but because it''s always changing. And when I finally think I''ve run it down, I stop trying, and everything falls to shit. I mean, yeah, if I grab that shit with both hands, maybe I can take a break now and then, but I gotta stop thinking that ''oh, found truth, check that off, I don''t need to try any more''.


    Just somethin'' I gotta keep in mind, I guess.


    So yeah, apparently Marie picked up the basics of acupuncture a thousand years or so before coming to Phileo, and she''s refined it since then. Not, like, a dedicated area of study, but when you''re immortal you can get pretty fuckin'' good at even your side hobbies and shit. She even agreed to teach me, which I am saving for next time my naughty little Kitten starts making Penance noises. Still don''t want to hurt her, but it''s not like they actually make Real Dolls here for me to practice on, and I trust Marie to be a good enough teacher to stop me from actually injuring her. Okay, doing more than the superficial shit she''s been doing to me for the past couple which, I''ll point out, have left me all endorphin floaty for the cost of maybe needing a little iron in my diet. Fuck, if I''d bothered to get some Healing afterward I wouldn''t even have scars. Not that Marie left enough to notice, what with the whole fuckin'' roadmap plastered around my body. Frankly, the only reason my face is still mostly unscarred is pretty much because shit flying at my face triggers my duBois honed ''duck'' reflex.


    Last night... Last night deserves a very special kind of hoo boy. Hero''s reward, part two. Toys. All the toys. Some of that leather is a swing. Some was a very special kind of belt. Saffron got adorably cranky about my whole ''playing my birthday toys first'' comments and declared that given my inhuman Endurance, that would no longer be possible after they were done. It is, in fact, no longer possible. Although I need to ask Conrad to replace one of the littler fascina. No, we did not break it. Apparently one of my extended moments of obscenity salad included the phrase ''sword swallowing''. Saffron lost her grip on the handle. When I bit her fingers. So now there''s a gap in the headboard until we get a replacement.


    Guess I''m extra special glad for the oubliette of a digestive system at this point. Sixth is still sixth from either direction.


    Mimic dreams including Marie turning the Poor Little Match Tentacle into Cole slaw make a weird kind of sense now that I realize her claws are capable of more than just mass destruction or anything rhyming with that. Chibi chef Saffron was a no show, but after her performance through the evening, I''m gonna say she earned the break. The chibi beans have split between telekinetic massage and a return to itty bitty shrimp throwing. Well, ''throwing'' is how it started, ''getting slurped up by overenthusiastic tentacle maw'' is how it went, but honestly they just taste so good.


    Woke up to snuggle fest, and whispered to Marie, "do you know any good bean recipes?" She nodded, and I settled in to enjoy the warmth and closeness.


    When I disseminated myself after lunch, one of me pulled Menace, Liam, and Maze aside. "You ready to start reading again, Maze?"


    We''d finished Shepherd''s Crown yesterday, so I was totally unsurprised when she said, "I think so."


    "Cool! Menace, can you sort out which of the kids want to listen? I don''t mind if they change their mind one way or the other, but constantly in and out is disruptive and a no-go."


    She looked at me, then walked over to Maze and stood in front of her, arms akimbo. "You play wif us Freyday."


    Maze looked down at her, tilted her head, and said, "Wotansday, since you''re being such a princess about it."


    Isnomi thought about that a moment, then said, "Ah-tay!" and glomped her big sister around the waist. Maze returned the hug. Not sure, but somehow I think that might be a lot better way to declare agreement to a compromise than just a handshake, y''know?


    At that point Liam asked, "but... doesn''t Maze play with us every day?"


    Maze and Menace shared a look, then broke down laughing. Maze was still chuckling when we sat down on the Lancaster House suite bed to read to the refugees and the kids who wanted to hear the next part of the story.


    Menace, of course, was starting another round of tag with me as Maze refereeing. I''m pretty sure she''d absorbed some more local kids for her posse, but fuck it, it''s not like there was any lack of play space in Lancaster House.


    At that point I had two of me in Lancaster House, one in our Academy suite office playing seat cushion for Saffron, and one playing stress ball for Marie where she kept watch. "Mittens?"


    She nodded, squeezed and rolled her claws across me in a way that made me go limp, but I waited until she said, "Yes?"


    "Could you maybe start telling me what each of these spots are supposed to do? I mean, I think you''re definitely doing some next level combo style shit, but I really wanna get this right for Saffron."


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    She slid her hands up near my neck, pinched in a way that made my whole body go slack, then picked me up by the scruff and ran her tongue up the side of my face. "Same."


    We spent most of the rest of the day with her saying shit like, "numb," followed by poking me in a series of spots that did just that; made some part of me from a finger to a limb just... go numb. Most of the day, but I''ll get back to that.


    One more of me hopped over to the Lancasters and said, "Bonnie, Larry, can I talk to you for a second?" They nodded, and I stepped the three of us to the Heir''s living room.


    "What can we do for you, Commander?"


    I shrugged. "Not so much what you can do for me, Larry, as what you can do for Bonnie, and what both of you can do for your maybe new Lancasterites."


    Bonnie caught on immediately. "You''ve found us a nursemaid?"


    I shrugged. "Sort of? Nursemaid, nanny, bodyguard."


    "A Maenad?"


    "More like Maenads. At least two of them are interested." Both of them looked a little surprised, and that drifted into concern.


    Larry broke first and asked, "how shall we pick between them?"


    I nodded. "Don''t." When he looked confused for a moment, I explained. "Look, we''ve got to get the Maenads and refugees into semi-permanent accommodations before the fall weather hits, right?"


    Bonnie nodded in turn and said, "I almost wish I could get them all in tonight. There''s a storm coming in."


    "Leave the doors open. They''ll come in if it''s bad enough to put the kids in danger. Just... don''t close them in. Let them come in their own time, and don''t make them feel trapped."


    "You make them sound like wild beasts, Commander?"


    "Larry, if you had to live in the wilds because Spartans had been hunting you, personally, for being a Lancaster, for three and a half centuries, do you think you''d really retain any fucks to give over shit like ''cutlery'', ''underwear'', and ''small talk''?"


    He sighed. "Fair point, commander. Bon-bon? Do we have the coal to keep the entryway warm?"


    She pulled him in to a hug. "I''ll figure something out." Then she turned to me. "But... about the nursemaid? Nursemaids? How will that work?"


    "They''re pretty well self-organizing, especially if you convince one of the Academy Maids to stay on. I''m pretty sure if they need replacements, one or two of the newcomers will find a place they can tolerate working in the Academy basement surrounded by other Maenads. So just... take them all in. Maybe put them on rotation with your little bundle. Maybe have one in charge of each of them, if you''re gonna have more?"


    She pulled Larry''s face around to look at her from a distance of about half an inch away and breathed, "what do you think? Want to put another... bun... in... my... oven...?" She punctuated each of those words with a little kiss, each one lingering a little longer.


    "Commander? I... er... uh..."


    Bonnie smirked and, her forehead never leaving Larry''s, glanced over at me. "What my dear Larry is trying to say politely is, I think, fuck off. Unless you wanted to join in? What''s that really stupid phrase, Larry? Prima Noctis?"


    "Little late for that," I choked out.


    She laughed and pulled Larry down so she could look right at me over his head. "Oh, no! Leftovers!"


    "Yeah, I gotta get over to my time with Loki today, so I''m gonna have to take a rain check. Thanks for the offer bye!" Those last few words came out in a rush as I stepped to Loki''s to avoid Bonnie''s blouse, which Larry had kinda flung any which way in his haste to get it out of the way.


    "Kitten?" I whispered to the Saffron on my lap.


    "Yes, love?


    "I think Bonnie just chased me out of the Heir''s suite."


    She laughed gently. "I remember that phase of pregnancy. I was angry for nearly a whole month. Possibly two or three. It got a little fuzzy for a bit."


    "Oh, shit. Are you gonna be angry at me for a whole Season when I get you pregnant?"


    I adored the little pouty moue her lips set into. "I don''t know. Are you going to keep me celibate for months while I''m craving sex?"


    "Why the fuck would I do that? Will you being pregnant make me stupid?" After a second''s thought I asked, "why were you pissed?"


    "I wasn''t about to hook up with someone again, had no partner, and couldn''t reach. Infuriating."


    "I solemnly Vow that, whether or not you are pregnant, I will perform the spouse''s duty of reaching things you cannot."


    "Such a sacrifice."


    I laughed. "You don''t want that?"


    "Oh no. In fact, I Vow in turn to reward you in kind."


    I laughed along with her. "Good thing. No idea if I''ll be able to reach or not." She got all quiet, and I said, "what, I''m gonna be getting you preggers, you don''t want to return the favor?"


    She sighed. "Of course I want to, love, but while there are tales aplenty of Deities impregnating Mortals, the reverse are fairly thin on the ground."


    I whispered in her ear. "I have faith in you. My Priestess? Make it happen."


    "Is that a command, my Goddess?"


    I froze. "Uh... wow. Holy shit. I really, really want it to be. I''m kinda surprising myself with how much I want it to be. But yeah, no, not unless you want it to be, too?"


    She shrank a little in my arms. "I... I fear failing you."


    I lifted her and spun her around to face me, straddling my legs. "I have no fear whatsoever, Kitten. I have absolute, unquestioning faith in you. Take as long as you need, do whatever you need to do, but so long as it doesn''t hurt anybody else?"


    "Yes, my Goddess?"


    I leaned my forehead against hers and whispered, "when the time comes that we''re ready to make babies together? Yeah, I hereby command you. Im... preg... nate... me..." With each syllable I paused and pressed another brief kiss on her lips.


    Yeah, she needed a break from coding anyway. Never thought an Academy chair''s indestructibility would be quite such a useful feature.


    Meanwhile back at Loki''s, boss-man leaned his chin on his palm, elbow on the table. "Co-Located for the day again?"


    I slid into my chair and mirrored his pose. "Ayep."


    "Die this week?"


    "Nope."


    He sighed. "Well, that''s something. Anything interesting happening?" I let the grin from Saffron and my current shenanigans slip across my face, and he rolled his eyes and laughed. "Anything I should know about?"


    "Marie''s teaching me acupuncture. Kinda using me as a training dummy at the moment to do it."


    He frowned a little. "That... could have complications, given your Divine nature, hers, and both of you being Psychopomps."


    "Oh. Fought some Undead. Didn''t die at all, though. I don''t think? Nah, pretty sure I didn''t."


    He sighed, then chuckled. "Well. Do you think perhaps you can take a break, all of you, at some point during the day, that I might reassure myself that my Daughter has not, in fact, done herself a mischief?"


    "Sure. I''ll have everybody take a break at lunchtime." Then I shook my head, a frown replacing my smile. "I kinda lost my shit on some Spartans."


    "Did you want to talk about it?"


    So, there in Loki''s cave where time flows oddly, we talked about it. Under his patient, persistent questions, I spilled every gory, humiliating detail. I mean, I wasn''t humiliated at the time. Far from it. I guess given everything I''ve seen or done since I got here, I really shouldn''t have been humiliated by any of it. But, y''know, he''s my dad.


    But then, maybe that''s what I needed, I think. There are like two people in the world I''d feel safe talking to about shit turning me on so bad I couldn''t think without it, y''know, turning me on so bad I stopped thinking and did them there on the table, and I sure as shit wasn''t going to discuss that kind of thing with Larry. Especially not with Bonnie in a ''the more the merrier'' kind of mood. So we talked. I might have cried a little. I might have cried a lot. We talked for minutes, for hours, for days, for years.


    With a nice little break for lunch in the middle. Marie and Sigyn brought tarts. The little pastry kind, not the street corner kind. Loki complimented Marie on her acupuncture skills, because apparently both of us having the same Divine Psychopomp nature cancelled everything out and wound up with it just working more or less like normal acupuncture.


    Really glad the Undead seemed to have taken the day off, because by an hour after lunchtime I was about as self-motivating as an actual inanimate stress ball. My Murder Mitten''s got Skills.


    Endorphins good.

 Day Four Hundred And Fifteen

    Dear Diary,


    "I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant."


    - Martin Luther King, Jr.


    Growing up where I did, you couldn''t avoid seeing Dr. King as a kind of end all, be all Great Man, the ultimate moral authority. It wasn''t until I hit high school and started really soaking up weird trivia that I realized that he was as human as anybody else in the fuckin'' world. I''d like to say that I grew as a person and realized even heroes are human as the rest of us, but let''s be real. I''m me. I blew a fuckin'' gasket about that shit, and almost failed my History class because I wanted to write more about Malcolm X than Dr. King. No, X wasn''t any more virtuous than Dr. King, but from my perspective he never presented himself as that. He was the shit kicker waiting in the wings if people refused to talk to the pacifist. Not unlike yours truly, only there aren''t really any pacifists in the here and now.


    Okay, Sister Siobhan maybe? Which would make my whole Date plan a really weird reverse-Yaoi alt-historical allegorical slash fic.


    But then I got here, and I''m in that position. I''ve got people relying on me of all people to be the Moral Compass. I''ve stood up and basically told people to straighten up and fly right, which means that like it or not, I''ve got an obligation to demonstrate proper behavior. But at the end of the day, I''m still fuckin'' human. Even as a Primordial masquerading as a Demigoddess, I''ve still got all those fuckin'' human flaws, just amplified. Dumbass. Bloodlust. Horny on main. You name a flaw, I''ve got it. I try to stifle the real bad ones, like ''hypocrisy'' or ''self-righteousness'', but even there I feel like they leak out now and then.


    Fuck, maybe that''s part of why I like letting Murder Mittens and my Kitten go to town with their darkest Love Shack impulses. ''Cause deep down in my heart of hearts I think I deserve all of it and worse. I mean, I guess I''m learning to accept myself better, what with talking things out with my partners and my parents, but sometimes emotions don''t respond well to talking. Well, mine don''t.


    That''s kind of my biggest problem with Dr. King in the here and now. Non-violent protest only works when there''s some empowered group who will force the assholes to stop their bullshit. Even then, the assholes will usually dream up new bullshit until someone comes along and explains a few of them into very small pieces that bullshit will be met with consequences they can''t just shrug off. Then stands there repeating the lesson until the new guys joining in realize that the end result of their bullshit will be ending up in very small pieces.


    Got home last night, got everybody into bed, and got yoinked into the Love Shack by a Grinning Kitten. "What''s up?"


    "I got you some new reading material."


    I looked at the headboard only to see most of the bookshelf sized shelves at least partially full of paperbacks. "That''s... wait, most of those are from the Black Dragon." I stared at the spines for a bit before realizing, "did you move all the romance novels here?"


    Saffron grinned at me, but as she opened her mouth Marie stepped behind her and said, "Yes."


    "Spoilsport. Also, Marie and Loki and I found you a new book." She pointed to a single tall book with a familiar black and yellow color scheme in the top right of the headboard shelves.


    I scampered up onto the bed and kneeled myself over until I could read the spine. "Really, Kitten? Acupuncture for Dummies?"


    "You don''t like it?"


    I heard the drawer slide open, but I''d already flipped the book open. A smile stretching my face as I caught that new book smell, I said, "I love it. I can''t wait to..."


    A familiar pressure poked both sides of my neck, and I dropped the book as my everything went limp. Marie caught it in her other claw, shelved it carefully, then dragged me back to where Saffron had slipped the bandolier of needles around her chest. Marie laid me down with my face kinda dangling over the edge, and I cranked out, "really? Playing with my toys before I even get to again?"


    Saffron laughed, deep and throaty. "Oh, but when you stick something in me it''s me using it first?"


    "Shit," I grumped. "That makes a lot of sense. You read the book?"


    "Of course, love. Specifically so you could, in fact, be the first one to have these inside you."


    I rolled my eyes and laughed. "You make that sound way sexier than it ought to be."


    That got another of those incredible brain melting laughs out of her. "No sexier than I intend it to be."


    "Fine. When I''m done reading you''re my little pincushion."


    Her hands descended on my shoulders and started rubbing the tiny shreds of tension that never left out of them. "I look forward to it." She slid one hand down my spine, tapping each vertebrae like she was counting them. "Once we''re both proficient, we can demonstrate on our instructor, our dear Marie."


    "What."


    This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.


    That got laughs out of both of us, but I still felt some kinda cranky way. Not, like, actually angry. Just childishly petulant. "I''m good with that. One condition."


    "Of course, my Goddess, my love, my wife."


    "Both of you, boots and stockings and garters."


    She laughed again. "You know we''ll be bending over to get to you, love?"


    "Counting on it."


    "Well then..." A moment later Glowing Midnight''s boots covered her feet. Cloth rustled, and her dress slipped down to land around her ankles. I tried to raise my head, but ran into the back of her hand. "Lie still, love. I''m not as Skilled as our dear Marie."


    "But... Wanna see." Yeah, I sounded kinda petulant even to myself.


    "In good time, love. Marie tells me the points on the front require a bit more skill, but I promise you I''ll get there eventually."


    "Tonight?"


    She ran her fingers along my spine again, and a moment later blissful numbness spread across my left shoulder and down my arm. "In good time, love. All In good time."


    Mimic dreamt of lying in a puddle and just letting the chibi beans yeet shrimp in her mouth again. Marie poked little holes in one tentacle and milked out something dark and milky that dripped a single drop at at time into Mimic''s gaping maw. Did not fucking care, even in dreams endorphins had me high as fuck.


    In the morning I realized the most hesitant and prone to breakdown among the refugee women were the ones who spent the most time just leaning against me with the towel wrapped around them. Fuck it, if it makes them feel better, doesn''t bother me. I mean, yeah, my kinda possessive protective reaction when a couple of them melted just a little, finally letting go of their hyperalert tension, that bothered me a little, but that''s a me thing, not a them thing. I just gotta fortify and be the rock hard certainty they need right now, and not be the kind of douchebag who would take advantage of them. Okay, Devorah and her quiet, "after," followed by a giggling retreat to Marie every morning is getting a little hard not to respond to, but fuck it, this is why I... Yeah, I don''t get paid, but I get free room and board and the concentrated attention of two hotties with Skills to drive anything resembling worry directly the fuck out of my head.


    Split one of me off to my day with Marie, where instead of puncturing me she squished me and pet me while I stayed glomped onto her like the world''s most muscular oversized vertical body pillow. Another of me played seat cushion for Saffron. No antics today, just letting her lean back into me, propping my head on her shoulder and listening to her breathe as she worked.


    Ran with the kids as Maze while simultaneously letting Maze sit on my lap and read to the refugees and quieter kids. Gotta say, the rowdy kids definitely got a bit rowdier, what with none of them being the shrinking violet type. Daya and David were both in the bedroom listening, Alex and Linsdey both out playing... I think it was ''tag'', but these little adrenaline junkies insisted on, like, a slap hard enough that everybody could clearly hear the impact, just to prove that the tag had, in fact, been made. They all agreed to it, and we had me there to heal if something went wrong, so again, screw it, some lessons you gotta let ''em learn on their own.


    Finally, the three of us hit the new house work site again, and we brought Carruthers and Lachlan along to help out. The foundation holes started eroding a little, so Saffron had me bake up some big slabs of rock, and Lachlan and Marie went off to collect and, I think, harvest some heavy lumber to brace those slabs against the sides of our excavated holes. Meanwhile Carruthers got to work clearing out the holes themselves. I absolutely did not spend a good portion of the day staring at him shoveling and hauling barrows of dirt around. I just had to check to make sure the slabs would fit without being too small.


    Really.


    Weirdest thing today though has to be that we''ve now got a new bear skin rug, and Lachlan may have a few new neurons activated in his brain. Okay, we don''t have a rug yet, but I''m pretty sure that''s what it''s going to wind up as. Early in the afternoon the three of us working on the foundation excavations heard a pair of roars echo into the valley. One was obviously Marie, the other a deeper chuffing noise. The other roar cut off with a crunch, followed by Marie''s roar trailing off in confusion.


    I tensed to leap to her, but with her sounding more confused than hurt, I thought, everything okay, Mittens?


    Yes? She sent a quick full spectrum image of a fuckin'' grizzly bear towering over even Marie, mouth full of fangs open and roaring at her as she, arms full of newly cut logs, roared back. Before she could do more than think about whether to drop the logs or throw them at our unfriendly neighbor, Lachlan leapt into her field of view, his fist connecting with the thing''s jaw hard enough to snap it clean off. Boy might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he''s Larry''s brother and has some of that quickness in him, and he sure as shit has just as much muscle as you''d expect in a six foot plus Lancaster Hero. At that point the bear kinda blinked and shook its head, like it couldn''t quite process that it now lacked some essential parts of the whole ''roaring'' apparatus. It took a swing at him while Marie stood there feeling more than a little bit dumbfounded.


    I kinda understood. I''d be a little weirded out if, y''know, Carruthers jumped in the way of somebody attacking me, too.


    Whatever kind of bear it was, because I realized the gray bits weren''t the gray hair I remembered from zoo trip grizzlies, but grayish bone spikes, the thing definitely had some toughness to it, because even sans jaw it managed to wade through a series of punishing hits from Lachlan, and even soaked up a decent Fire Bolt straight to the chest. As it went to wrap its arms around him in a very unfriendly bear hug, Marie let her logs slip and leapt. She landed on the thing''s back and unceremoniously shoved her fingers into its ears. Then waggled them around when her claw tips met in the middle.


    A few moments later Lachlan muttered, "ow. Little help?"


    Marie rolled off the thing''s back, got her hands under it, and rolled it off him; apparently its paws were pinned behind him, and he had, like, zero leverage with his own hands pressed back into his chest by the thing''s bulk. Right about then I realized that he was, if anything, just as sweaty as Carruthers, and Murder Mittens was definitely in a Hero Rewarding kind of mood.


    ? The question that came through from her was just a wordless need for permission.


    Go ahead, Mittens. He saved my favorite fuzzy wifey, he earned it.


    Oh, yes, beloved Marie, the Hero is worthy of his Reward, Saffron chimed in.


    Over the next few minutes I learned to appreciate my Maenad''s restraint when it came to vocalizations, because we definitely heard some happy tigress roaring, and I''m sure I didn''t recognize the hills they''d been hauling lumber from.


    Didn''t help my ability to keep a straight face when Carruthers spoke up. "You think we should go help?"


    Saffron, who''d been checking the measurements of the excavation her own self, just shook her head and said, "no, I''m certain Marie has things well in hand."


    Mistress of understatement, thy name is Saffron.

 Day Four Hundred And Sixteen

    Dear Diary,


    "The truth is of course is that there is no journey. We are arriving and departing all at the same time."


    - David Bowie


    Okay, I''m not gonna go into ''drugs are bad'' or ''drugs are good'', or anything along those lines. I''ve seen a couple friends chemically lobotomize themselves, and even if it''s not technically permanent, if the only thing they do when they''re self-mobile is piss, shit, eat, then go looking for more weed, there''s not a huge difference there. Not judging them, mind you, but I can totally understand the whole ''drugs can have bad consequences''. I''ve also had some friends go the whole ''cannabis can cure everything!'' route. Look, my mom died of cancer, and I''d be a lying bitch if I said I didn''t sneak an edible or two in to her, because once in a while I wanted to sit with my mom, even a stoner version of my mom, for a few minutes, rather than a technically living body moaning in constant pain, because apparently morphine wasn''t covered by her insurance. So I''m well aware that there are medical uses, but some of my friends were like, ''weed will cure every ailment, up to and including insolvency, poor socialization, and body odor!'' Look, honey, sweetie, corazon, you are perpetually just a little too high to feel any symptoms, realize that those last two digits in your bank account are pennies, not dollars, or recognize your own stench.


    But at the same time, somewhere in between ''Lucifer''s lettuce'' and ''God''s gift'', there''s the rest of my Eastside peer group. Y''know, all of us with PTSD, plenty of us with untreated depression, ADHD, or ASD, most of us with ''food and housing insecurity'', none of us with any prospects that didn''t include exploitation. Popping an edible or lighting up in the evening sometimes meant the difference between sleeping through the night or lying there worried and clutching at my stomach as it tried to eat itself. Sure as shit made it easier to laugh at all the absurdly fucked up shit that went on.


    But all that aside, if I''ve got one serious complaint about drugs back at Eastside, it''s that I think they smoked all the best strains to extinction back in the late sixties and early seventies. I mean, look at that shit. ''We''re all arriving and departing at the same time''. I see that and where teen stoner me might have thought it was deep, and it sounds really deep, here and now me just says ''holy shit, that''s some deep sounding utter stoner bullshit right there''. No shade on Bowie, either. Plenty of his peers were also flinging that same kind of crazy pseudo-deep stoner bullshit. Seriously, listening to the lyrics of Come Together stone cold sober with my thinking cap on, that shit makes no sense. Not without twisting my brain through some seriously fucked up metaphors. Which, fuck it, maybe they''re there, but... turn off my brain just a little? Holy shit, it sounds deep. Even a little bit lit? My god, the depths of wisdom in those lines. "One and one and one is three, got to be good looking ''cause he''s so hard to see, come together, right now, over me." Really? Really, really? The only way my sober brain can make sane sense out of that is it''s a quote from an artsy porn director filming and starring in a threesome.


    By the time my generation got the dregs of the drugs we wound up making fuckin'' skibidi toilet. Don''t get me wrong, that shit is hilarious, and manages to tell a pretty solid story for nothing but shitty animations, a few hand gestures, and like three voice lines in eighty episodes, but not even high as fuck did I ever watch that and think ''whoa, that''s some deep shit, man''.


    So yesterday after our sweaty tigress and Hero returned dragging a bunch of logs and a dead big assed spiky bear, we used the big flat planes of rock I''d formed to shore up the sides of the main foundation pit. While the three of us with more muscle than brains worked to get that done, Saffron went around marking out our next batch of excavations. At the end of the day, with the sun balanced on the small, low hill to our west, I could almost see the layout taking shape.


    "Are you planning on burrowing our bunkhouses into the hills as well?"


    Saffron nodded while Lachlan Created big globs of Water to douse the three of us and get the worst of the dirt and sweat off. "We''ll level the broad open area in the middle, and if anyone needs a space with more light or ventilation, we''ll have plenty of space for smaller wooden buildings, temporary or not."


    "Like the ones down in Norfolk?"


    She nodded. "I see no reason not to learn from our allied Cities when their knowledge is useful."


    I thought about it, but the only thing that came to mind was, "just be sure they''re weatherproofed against the cold. I''m not sure, but I think Norfolk is a little too far south to get super cold in the winter."


    She tilted her head. "I hadn''t thought of that, but the original designs are from the northlands. The home of the Aesir and Vanir, the lairs of Ymir and his kin."


    I snorted. "Yeah, like how many hundred years ago?"


    "You say that like change and adaptation has been encouraged."


    I shrugged. "You''re not wrong. But if you tell me they''ll work, I believe it. You''re the brains of the outfit, after all."


    She smiled, shook her head, and said, "Well then, let''s be going. I''m sure everyone would like a nice long, hot bath to soak in before dinner." I''m not sure how disappointed Lachlan and Carruthers were when we dropped them off in the boy''s club before hopping back to our suite''s bathroom. Sure as fuck they''d have been disappointed missing the long, slow soak in the tub that Saffron and I shared.


    Guess that''s why none of us felt an urgent need to return for another acupuncture session tonight. Instead we all just curled up with our extended found family and drifted off to sleep.


    Mimic seemed all set to make a glutton of herself on super chibi Chef beans, but got totally waylaid by the return of chibi Chef Saffron, who bombed her into submission with soup dumplings. Kraken gonna Kraken, which seemed to include focusing their debris yeeting in the southeast section of the city.


    When Maze finished drying off, Menace scooped her up, towing her along by one hand, saying, "no weading today. Pway." I swear, she''s gonna wind up keeping that fuckin'' nightmare dentition lisp all the way into her adulthood and terrifying the Souls out of some poor bastard lolicon fans. I mean, yeah, maybe they deserve it, but entrapment isn''t good either. Not like I haven''t done my share of shady shit in private with my two favoritest chew toys. Still gonna laugh at the first... no, every fuckin'' dude who hears that lisp and thinks that somehow he''s not going to wind up the bitch in that relationship. Also will probably have to warn her about eating shit when she doesn''t know where it''s been.


    As the women worked their way through the baths, I realized we were short one or two. Before I could pull Anna or even Devorah aside to ask about that, one of the women who''d taken to leaning against me for a little after I dried her off murmured, "is it true, Champion?"


    This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    "Maybe." I gently turned her to see my smile and quietly said, "is what true?"


    "That you''re building a place of your own? You, and the Imperator, and the Champion of Dionysus?"


    "Yeah. I mean, all we''ve done so far is tear down the old place, store the materials, and start digging foundations for our new place, but yeah." She got that sorta constipated look of somebody who wanted to say something, something important, but couldn''t quite convince themselves to spit the words out. Thinking about Devorah, I said, "go on, ask. I promise, the worst I''ll say is ''no'', and I won''t take offense, no matter what you ask."


    Her smile twisted, and she said, "anything?"


    I laughed quietly, "considering Devorah pretty much straight up asked to be a party favor at a ''Champions and Imperator because we felt like it party'' and I didn''t get pissed, yeah, I''m pretty sure anything."


    She giggled and blushed a little at that, then quieted and said, "may... May I have a place there?"


    "Sure. I mean, I''ll have to okay it with Saffron, since she''s the one who organizes everything, so I want to make sure we wouldn''t be putting someone else out in the cold. But hell, if it comes down to it we''ll make sure you have a roof, sure."


    She smiled up at me. "She told me to ask you. Thank you, Champion." She gave me a big hug.


    Before she went away, I asked, "where did you hear about that, anyhow?"


    Then she got really red, and said, "the... ah... La... er... The Hero Lancaster."


    "When?"


    She bit her lip and looked down at her feet. "He''s talkative after?"


    I smiled down at her, then Co-Located myself to the living room, pulling her with, wrapping her in a towel, and setting her gently on the sofa. "Can you wait right there for me for a moment?"


    Eyes wide, she squeaked, "yes, Champion?"


    I stepped to the big suite across from ours, heard some splashing from the tub, stepped in there, grabbed Lachlan by one very sudsy bicep, ignored the women in the tub with him, and stepped back to our living room. "Lachlan?" I asked, in the sweetest voice I could. "What have you been doing with the traumatized refugees?"


    He looked up at me, guileless and utterly confused, not to mention distractingly soapy and naked, and said, "uh... nothin''?" Then he looked over at the sofa and said, "Ah! Chloe!"


    I couldn''t help it. I facepalmed. "So how do you know her name?"


    "Oh! Yeah, we talked for a little bit after I serviced her the other night."


    I swear to god on high this himbo was gonna get shanked entirely based on his choice of fuckin'' words. "You what?"


    Might I suggest holding off on the shanking until you have the full picture from both sides, at least?


    Deep breaths, deep breaths. Yeah. Thanks Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    Meanwhile Lachlan looked up at me from where I''d shoved his ass onto one of the sofas. "We talked?"


    "After?"


    "Oh, yeah, after I serviced her?"


    I took a deep breath, counted to ten, and let it out. "Lachlan, somehow I get that you don''t mean anything by it, but that word you''re using for it really..." I stopped, trying to think of the right metaphor, and suddenly realized that Lachlan might not actually get the metaphor. "It pisses me off. Try again, please?"


    He looked a little confused, but said, "after we had sex?"


    I nodded, then said, "why were you having sex with the traumatized refugee taking refuge in your very wealthy and powerful family''s house again?" At that point Chloe, apparently, squeaked. With the realization that he actually knew her name and I didn''t, I figured Dad was right and there might be more to this than Lachlan being the worst kind of Lancaster, so I closed my eyes, counted to ten, put an actual smile on my face and turned to her. "Yes, Chloe?"


    "I... I..."


    I held a hand up, palm down, "it''s okay, Chloe. I am absolutely not mad at you about this." After a second''s thought, I added, "and this absolutely does not in any way endanger your place with us if you still want it. I''m just worried that someone," I glanced over at Lachlan, who had the grace to look vaguely embarrassed. Then again, he was naked and dripping soap on my couch, not to mention obviously still reacting to the women in the bath. Also, for some reason he wouldn''t meet my eye. Hell, he wouldn''t lift his gaze above my waist. I turned back to Chloe. "So, you are completely safe. He might not be, but you are. So, what did you need to tell me?"


    She took a breath, obviously imitating my effort to remain calm and centered, then said, "I was... in need of companionship. Er, the company of a man. I spoke with one of the maids, asking if perhaps there was somewhere men and women... congregated... for that kind of thing, and she told me that Hero Lancaster and Cadet Carruthers have been ser... ah," she blushed and stuttered out, "s... satisfying the unattached women of late. So I made my way to the Ladies'' Quarters, and waited, and... ah..."


    I shook my head, still keeping my smile fixed on my face. "It''s okay, Chloe. I don''t need details beyond that." I sighed and shook my head. "Total misunderstanding on my part. I thought he''d pressured you. Maybe even without meaning to. But... you didn''t go there because you thought you needed to, did you?"


    She blushed. "Well... needs. All women have them?"


    I couldn''t help it, I laughed, and after a moment she laughed along with me. I nodded toward the bedroom and said, "head back in and let Marie get you dressed." Because fuck it, I''m me, I added, "I guess we''ll have to make sure we have at least one guy at the new house then, huh?" She giggled her way through the door, and I turned back to Lachlan.


    Who blinked as his view went from my ass, which I''d more or less forgotten was bare, to my equally uncovered lady bits. I huffed out a sigh, rolled my eyes, and said, "I''m sorry Lachlan. I misread the situation. You didn''t do anything wrong, and I''m sorry I thought you did." When he didn''t say anything. I looked down to see him staring, transfixed, at my general crotch region. At that point I couldn''t help myself, I walked forward, putting a little sway in my walk, and said, "Lachlan? Sweetie?"


    He blinked again and looked up at my face finally. "Yeah, Cham... Commander?"


    "Oh, you can call me Tabitha. Like what you see?"


    He paused, tilted his head, then nodded. "Yeah."


    "So, you gonna ask me? Really not sure if I ought to be asking you. Chain of command and all."


    He shook his head. "Oh, no. Buddy told me no asking. I gotta wait for the Ladies to ask."


    I laughed out loud as my knees bumped up against his. "So," I climbed onto his lap, straddling his thighs, incidentally poking myself in the belly. Oddest thing, I really didn''t feel any... oh, fuck, there it was, the moment I actually considered... but somehow it wasn''t exactly as bad. Maybe because I wasn''t really gonna start something with people about to wander out at any moment. "Can I get some satisfaction?" Okay, yeah, I was totally gonna tease this big himbo, but fuck it, maybe I could convince Saffron to gift wrap him for our anniversary or something.


    Imagine my surprise when he stopped, then shook his head. "I really wanna, but those two Ladies in the bath are waiting, and it''s rude to cut in line." Then he grinned up at me, and that belly poking got a little more insistent. "Unless you wanna join us?"


    I smiled down at him as I shook my head, then leaned in next to his ear, and whispered, "you are such a Good Boy." Then, because I absolutely could not resist that shit, pinged Saffron and Marie and kissed him as hard as I''d done any of the troops down in Calverton. The moment he seemed about to give in, I leaned back enough to sit him on the edge of his tub. "Sorry, ladies. Just needed to have a quick chat with him about something. Enjoy!"


    I collapsed back into myself as I toweled down Devorah, who apparently had caught on to the, ah, expression on my face. Totally not the way my nips might have been able to cut glass right about then, something of an anomaly in the warm bathroom. She grinned and said, "after?"


    What the fuck else was I supposed to do? I looked to Saffron and Marie, who both smiled those warm, indulgent smiles that I realized nobody else would notice, nobody else would understand, because no matter who we swapped spit or other more intimate fluids with, we three were the ones who, day in, day out, had each others backs, each others attention, each others hearts. I looked back at Devorah, cocooned her in the towel and pulled her into a snug embrace, growling a single word into her ear, with the closest approximation of my Murder Mittens absolute implacable certainty laced throughout.


    "After."

 Day Four Hundred And Seventeen

    Dear Diary,


    "The object of the superior man is truth."


    - Confucius


    No shit, really, the fortune cookie dude agrees with me? That''s fantastic!


    Okay, there''s a lot of shit to side eye there, like the fact that despite being able to shapeshift well enough to thoroughly meet my favorite bi lady''s boy needs, I am in fact a woman. Also, the whole ''superior'' thing has a shit ton of unfortunate implications to unpack, like whether we''re talking about ''morally better'' or harder faster stronger smarter, because while back at Eastside I would probably have smacked somebody for suggesting you could measure people like that, here and now one of the first ''Magic'' things I learned how to do was a fuckin'' scanner to measure that shit, to boil people down to some numbers.


    I guess even back then and there that could have been done. Y''know, testing how far people can run, how fast, how much they can lift, how fast they add up numbers. That last one is pretty much a big chunk of the ASVABs. Never looked at my results on those. Took them because, y''know, ROTC, so everybody took them, and the Sergeants told us we could use ASVAB numbers in place of SATs or ACTs for some schools. That with good enough scores they could get some of their contacts at the schools to pull strings to get us in. Yeah, sure, those strings get pulled, you''re in real ROTC rather than High School ''JROTC'', and at the end of your college you wind up in the Army or some shit like that, but if I remember the spiel right you go in as an officer rather than a gun bunny, so as long as you''re not the special kind of bitch who is gonna get friendly fired, you''re that much less likely to get sent home missing factory issue parts, or in a bag or box.


    So I guess my big worry is whether ''superior'' means ''objectively more effective'' or ''on a better moral path'', and I sure as shit don''t want to confuse those two. Let''s face it, I''m pretty sure Olga can deadlift more than me, I would not want to play slapsies with Marie, and Saffron can outthink me with one brain tied behind her back, but in general? I am absolutely harder, faster, better, stronger than anybody I''ve come up against. Enough that I am the answer to ''oh, shit, the Undead are ambushing us'', even when, as noted, the Undead are particularly hard on anybody of the Deific persuasion. So am I a superior human bean? Yeah, kinda. But that doesn''t mean shit when it comes to moral superiority. Lancaster Senior is probably the second smartest person I know, and if he''s not it''s neck and neck and neck with Doc Roberts and Doc DeLeon, and unlike them he''s probably one of the more dangerous motherfuckers I''ve met. Not a patch on the Marshall, in my not at all humble opinion, and somebody like Olga would wipe the floor with him, but then again he''s old, and he''s gotta be slowing down. So yeah, superior human bean in the statistical sense, but holy shit that motherfucker''s most redeeming moral trait is that he''d sacrifice himself to his own shitty rules.


    So yeah, with the context that ''seeking truth is a sign of positive moral fiber'', hearing a dude whose name is fuckin synonymous with pragmatic wisdom really makes me feel good, what with me, y''know, doing that shit.


    That''s what therapy is, right? Seeking truth about yourself?


    Anyway, interesting morning or not, yesterday was pretty boring. Quick note, that is not a complaint. Oh, no, a day of clinging to Marie as she mauls me and sitting under Saffron as she rewrites reality. Fuzzy and squishy all over my front. If I could spend the day sandwiched between them, my biggest worry would be about which one goes on the front. Like, yeah, the default is spooning, preferentially with handbras, but I''ve recently become a convert to fuzzy nips, so now I''ve got, like, days of combinations to mix and match.


    Even Mana Shaping was boring for me, although Saffron got in an interesting debate with fuckin'' Cadet Karen Smith about how useful flow charts were. Like, fuck, flow charts? Who gets worked up about flow charts? That''s like getting worked up about a toaster.


    Wait, I always thought I was a microwave, but with my recent desire to squirt at least one kid out the love tunnel, I guess that''s not true any more. Maybe I''m a toaster. Y''know, press any one of a number of buttons and I get hot real fast, and if you gotta be careful about sticking something inside me, or you might not get it back. Shit, I still gotta talk with Conrad about that replacement fascina.


    Got home, got everybody ready for bed, and after convincing Marie to be littlest spoon and Saffron to play backpack for me, the two of them reminded me that last night was Saffron''s next acupuncture training session. Weirdest thing, despite the general lack of clothing that wasn''t purely erotic decoration and the more or less incessant flirtation and innuendo that was, y''know, just the three of us alone in a room, no actual sex happened. I mean, some really wild sensations that may or may not have been, uh, satisfying, but nothing in me except little metal pins, and nothing rubbing against me except some massage before and after. Despite that? Totally copacetic and ready to sleep at the end of the night''s lesson. I''m really wondering what it''s going to be like when Saffron finally feels comfortable working on my front instead of, or as well as, my back.


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    In the morning, after getting the kids washed and dried I confirmed that no, Maze did not need to go play with Menace again today unless she wanted to. Gotta watch Menace, she''s getting a little pushy. Which, y''know, Primordial Goddess from the age of zero, she''s gonna have a little of that going on, but that just means she has to be more careful about it, not less.


    Devorah came through the line before Anna, so after I had her mostly dry I pulled her around and, once I''d caught her not very subtle attempt to ''trip and fall'' her way into faceplanting somewhere on my front, I chuckled and said, "are we missing a couple women here?"


    She shot me a smile that clearly communicated she''d be trying again until I missed a step or determined that we were, in fact, ''after'', but said, "oh, yes! I think Anna told the Imperator, but two of us decided to return home with two of the families from Calverton. Well, the ¨¦migr¨¦ families from Calverton, who live on farmsteads here in Lancaster now."


    "Shit, why didn''t anybody tell me?"


    She shrank away a little, "I''m... I''m sorry, Champion. I thought the Imperator would do so."


    I shook my head and pulled her in for a hug. "No, no, it''s not you. I''m not actually mad. I just... I think I wanted some good news or something?"


    At that point I realized she was maybe being a little more squirmy than the hug warranted, I shifted her out to arm''s length and gave her a look. She just shrugged as if to say ''couldn''t hurt''. Which was both absolutely untrue and, in that moment, absolutely hilarious to me, so I let it slide. "I''ll remember in the future, Champion."


    "Oh, sure, like you remember ''after''?"


    "Of course I remember ''after''. Speaking of," she put one finger up to her lower lip and looked at the ceiling. "Is it ''after'' yet?"


    I laughed, spun her around, and gave her a gentle shove towards Marie, who was ready for her.


    When Anna came by, I asked her about the Maenad situation. "Things progress, Champion. A few of the Maenads who came here with us have returned with families who came here to find their lost kin. They... became attached to the little ones they fostered."


    "Is everybody copacetic with the situation they''re in?"


    She shrugged. "One of the families had never seen a Maenad before, and she was... forceful in her opinions." I frowned, and she hastened to add, "But not violent."


    I nodded. "Okay. Just try to keep in touch with them, at least until they''re properly settled in somewhere? I''m not gonna be happy if any of you or them wind up out in the cold when there''s no need for that shit, but I''m also not gonna be happy if a Maenad winds up killing somebody."


    "You would not have them defend themselves?"


    I sighed, shook my head, and wrapped my hands around her biceps. "Take a swing at me." Before she could protest, I said, "no, seriously. Try. Try your hardest. I promise you, the worst I''m gonna do if you manage to hit me is maybe offer you your choice of totally inappropriate rewards. Go on. Foursome with two Champions and the Imperator on the line here, hit me!"


    She wriggled, strained, and eventually brought her knee up to bump against mine. I laughed softly as she winced, because I don''t think she felt it as a ''bump'', even though I didn''t move. "Does that count?"


    "No. I said hit, not knee." She wiggled a little more. "Give up?"


    She heaved a sigh. "Yes, Champion."


    "Do you get my point?" At her tilted head, I said, "there''s like, nobody in Lancaster except the Lancasters themselves and maybe visiting Heroes and Cadets who can seriously threaten a Maenad. If somebody''s out of line, or attacks them? Shit, beat them bloody, hog tie them, and deliver them to the local authorities for judgement, but barring someone being in actual danger, nobody ought to die without a trial and proof enough for everybody that they actually did something to warrant an execution."


    "As you wish, Champion. I will try to explain it to them."


    "No problem. If they have questions, or need me to explain it, come see me."


    "Yes, Champion. Oh, another thing!"


    "Good or bad?"


    She rocked her head back and forth. "Some of the Maenads and a few of the ladies here have expressed interest in the house you mentioned in Camden Yards?"


    "Uh... it''s got two bedrooms. Four rooms total." She just stared at me. "Sort out everybody who''s interested, we''ll take them on a tour some time over the next week maybe. Well, ''tour'' might be saying a lot. Maybe we could take them to see the Academy and the new house while we''re at it?" I shook my head. "Yeah, anybody wanting to see the Academy or the Aetos House before they make up their mind, have them ready to spend a day with us next week."


    "What day?"


    "Uh... Tuesday." I looked over to Saffron. "We''re free to take some of the Maenads and the ladies here on a tour of your old house, and the Academy, and maybe our new place next Tuesday, right?"


    She just let out a little chuckle and said, "well, I suppose we are now."


    The rest of the day wound up pretty copacetic. The most energetic thing I wound up doing was convincing Saffron to take a break for lunch, and even that wasn''t really ''energetic'' so much as ''quietly intense''. At one point I even Co-Located a fifth one of me to lay in the Love Shack reading. The empty slot in the headboard bugged me, reminded me I needed to talk to Conrad eventually, but I couldn''t really work up the energy to do anything about it. I had books to read.


    Boredom is criminally underrated.

 Day Four Hundred And Eighteen

    Dear Diary,


    "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."


    - Khalil Gibran


    No idea who this dude is, but I read that quote and couldn''t help but laugh a little bit. I mean, seriously, if strength comes from scars, no fuckin'' wonder I''m up in ''bench press a loaded pickup truck'' range.


    I worry about them sometimes. Yeah, the acupuncture and massage dull the pain a lot. Sometimes even enough that it lets go entirely. I''ve never been exactly shy about being horny on main, but even back in the world of Eastside some of that was because those blissful endorphin drenched moments after were the few times when I didn''t feel that constant PTSD hypervigilant tension. Here and now I think I might even have begun to process some of that trauma, not to mention some of the shit that''s happened since I got here, but now I''ve got physical trauma to deal with. So those moments are the few where either I''m pain free, or it''s pain I''ve chosen rather than pain life has inflicted on me. I couldn''t tell you why that makes it better, but it does. It seems like it does.


    I think Saffron and Marie doing the acupuncture thing on me have brought it into more focus. Because while yeah, while I''ve definitely put my personal acupuncture therapists in sexy sexy clothing, thus far there hasn''t been anything a sane rational person would identify as ''having sex''. I mean, I might, because apparently my body responds to a complete cessation of all ongoing pain as a subtle sign that we must be fucking now, and I dunno, neopuritans and prudes might because there are mostly naked people in a room together, so they must be having sex. But one of those is my body being stupid, albeit in a fun way, and the other is other people being stupid in a very not fun way. So I''m not gonna agree with either of them and just say that the acupuncture is the first time short of full body Soul realignment that I''ve managed to escape the constant low level pain from my scars.


    But... that''s not what really worries me, I don''t think. If PTSD is a kind of scar of the mind, mine are starting to heal. Maybe that will make my mind stronger in the long run. Not the damage, because trauma making someone stronger is bullshit, but the healing. And obviously I''ve got all kinds of scars all over my body, and I can list on the complete lack of fingers on my vag the human sized people I''m absolutely sure are stronger than me. But... I worry about scars on my Soul. People in my Mana Shaping classes have talked now and then about how having and being able to direct a lot of Mana are each signs that a Soul is strong, and I''ve held and Shaped enough Mana to light up the sky in fuckin'' Phileo from New Amsterdam. I can''t help but wonder how fuckin'' scarred up must my Soul be to have that kind of power.


    So yeah, yesterday at lunch Saffron reminded me about Intermediate Heroics, so we sauntered in and helped out. I sat with Larry and helped him power through some Mineral Bonding, because while he got the basic idea of how I did things even faster than Lachlan, apparently Lachlan has more in the way of raw power than his brother, so we were having to do what amounted to Mana Shaping wind sprints to get his Endurance up. I top him off, he Mineral Bonds until he''s about to pass out, rinse and repeat until I have to slice his target apart and we start over again.


    Meanwhile Saffron was working with Bonnie. Well, mostly observing Bonnie Shaping and keeping her from pushing too hard, what with her currently doing enough work for any four normal people just growing a kid in her belly. Turns out our Bonita is pretty fuckin'' good at Shaping in general, and especially good with Water and Earth, so her Create Waters and Mineral Bonds are already solid, but her Air and Fire are a little lacking, so she''s got to either overpower those, which isn''t something Saffron''s gonna let her do, or finesse them, which is absolutely what Saffron is trying to teach her to do.


    Got home in the evening to discover Marie made tacos. Not just tacos, but apparently she''d decided to do flour tortillas along with the corn ones, and so we got some burritos too. All kinds of options on the buffet, because that''s how she decided to serve it. Kinda wish she''d done that last week with more of the refugees here. While Lancaster House itself is a big chunk of people, and obviously the center of Lancaster culture, giving people concrete evidence that corn is not just for feeding cattle might have been a good idea. Eh, maybe we''ll be able to gather people together for some kind of holiday and serve corn shit then. Tacos. Corncakes. Popcorn. Corn chips! I gotta get Marie to make corn chips! Either the super greasy kind or the tortilla chip kind, either one is just an addiction waiting to happen, and once you''re addicted to nomming corn chips, you can''t exactly say corn''s inedible. Other stuff too, like, I dunno... corn on the cob? Fritters? Are corn fritters a thing? I think they''re a thing.


    At the end of the day we all just snuggled in to sleep. I half suspected Saffron and Marie had decided to do the one on, one off thing until one of them popped the three of us over there. No acupuncture. Okay, no acupuncture needles; now that Marie''s been reminded and realized I''m game for her to work her clawed wiles on, she takes great delight in poking me when some part of me gets too tense when, y''know, tension isn''t required or desired. Really, just spent an hour or two in slow, lazy bonding time.


    Mimic dreamt of dumplings, beans, and ramen.


    This morning everything wound up relatively uneventful. Daya wanted to play rather than listen today, so I took the time to make sure she understood Maze wouldn''t be repeating today''s reading. She looked pouty, but nodded. I didn''t think much about it, just split myself off to Calverton, to the Academy office, to the construction site and two of me in Lancaster House.


    Saffron decided to take advantage of the cooler morning to get some digging done in the hill at the end of our little valley. It turns out that hill wasn''t actually the border of our land. Instead, our ''stead'' ran ''as far as could be seen from the top of the hill on a clear day''. Which was some outright medieval bullshit, but given that medieval was an upgrade compared to some of the shit elsewhere in the world, I wasn''t going to complain. I think Larry might do once he realizes Saffron intends to build a fuckin'' tower on top of that hill.


    Of course, she couldn''t exactly remove the hill entirely, and she wanted to connect all of our buildings via underground passages because apparently winter snows got real bad around here, wherever exactly here was. Those two things combined meant we wouldn''t exactly be building the Tower of Babel or some shit, but I figured we''d get at least a bit of height with her plan of drilling a hole down to below ground level of the valley, then digging a tunnel in from the valley to connect it, then lining the whole fuckin'' thing with stone, giving the tower a kind of cylindrical foundation. I''m not an engineer or anything, but with her making as much of everything out of single pieces of stone as she could, I figured it wouldn''t just, I dunno, fall apart or drive itself into the ground or anything.


    Of course we started by digging straight down. For about the first six feet or so all three of us just dug, but at that point we''d each eaten at least one shovelful of dirt, so I decided that the two of them could fill up one of the barrows we had, at which point I''d lift it out and haul the dirt over to where we could scatter it around the outer base of the hill.


    "Why do you get to be the one out of the hole?" Carruthers groused as Lachlan boosted me out.


    I grinned down as he handed up the first barrow and said, "I thought you guys were all about being in holes?" When they both took a few seconds, then started laughing, I called down, "I''ll take my turn in the barrel tomorrow."


    I''m pretty sure they didn''t get the joke, but they kept laughing and shoveling. By the time the sun was as close to directly overhead as it got this time of year, all three of us had stripped our sweat soaked jackets and shirts off. Little weird volleying the appreciative glances back and forth, but screw it, ain''t nobody out here but the five of us, and they''ve all seen them before. Kinda funny getting to look at both of them from above, what with me being like a head shorter than either of the big guys, but not in a bad way. Of course at one point when I caught both of them more or less motionless, staring, as I hefted the barrow over my head, I set it down and did a couple bodybuilder poses. Carruthers slipped off the shovel he''d been leaning against. Then I leaned back and spread my arms a little, more stretching my back than anything, but keeping eye contact, and Lachlan choked on his own spit.


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    Kinda fun being able to get that reaction out of guys and know it''s not just, ''oh, her tits are out'', but ''holy shit, she''s ripped''.


    Right about then, back at Lancaster House, one of the staff rang the lunch time bell. The kids, who''d been playing tag in the boy''s club, heard that and charged for the steps. It had been a while since I thought about babyproofing. Our one year old has a fuckin'' hang glider. That ship has sailed. I''d never really thought about babyproofing fuckin'' Lancaster House.


    As the horde of kids rounded the corner onto the steps, somehow Daya wound up on the outside. I didn''t see who bumped into her. I barely saw her slim little kid body slide right between the balusters. But Liam did.


    That brave little bastard didn''t fuckin'' hesitate. He threw himself over the railing even as I stepped to the floor below.


    At the construction site I pointed at the floor of the hole we''d been digging and screamed, "LACHLAN! AIR SHIELD!"


    In midair Liam grabbed Daya by the arm and heaved her toward me. I stepped down another floor, caught her and rolled, my arms wrapped around her, and rolled through the kids'' table chairs and into the side of the table itself.


    I leapt from the construction site to midair in the Lancaster House foyer. I twisted as I fell, using the motion to Translocate beneath him. I grabbed him and twisted again, throwing us back to the construction site, plummeting toward the pit. Another twist and I put us right above it. Right before we hit the pit we slowed, the telltale cushion of an Air Shield catching us, sliding us toward the side of the opening. A moment later, the Shield itself collapsed, and after dropping a few feet I landed in Lachlan''s arms.


    "Liam? Liam!" Lachlan almost threw me to my feet, grabbing Liam away from me and holding his kid by the shoulders, pretty much dangling him at arms length before pulling him into a panicked hug. "What happened?"


    I held up one finger, bent over and panting a little, trying to control my spiking adrenaline. "Stairway. Fell."


    Lachlan looked at Liam, his expression thunderous. "What did I tell you about playing near the..."


    "NO!" I must have barked pretty fuckin'' loud, because Carruthers stumbled backward, and Lachlan looked up, his fury transferring itself to me. "Daya. Fell off. Accident. He jumped after. Saved her."


    Lachlan''s eyes got even wider, but every bit of anger fell away. He dropped to his knees, his arms still around his son. "Kiddo. Liam." He paused, shook his head just a little, took a breath. "Son. I''m sorry I yelled. I''m so proud of you." Then he pulled him into what must have been a crushing hug, but from what I could see of his face, Liam was positively glowing.


    A moment later Marie and Saffron looked in over the edge of the pit. "Tabitha! What happened?"


    "Daya fell through the balusters on the steps. Liam jumped after and tossed her back to me. I managed to catch him before he hit the foyer floor, but it was too fuckin'' close." I turned to Lachlan just as the me disguised as Maze rolled Daya and I up next to Saffron. "Hey, can you let Saffron check him out, just to make sure he''s okay?"


    Marie snatched Daya from me and held her close, purring, while Lachlan handed Liam up to Saffron. She took a deep breath and let it out before going through the motions of an Assess first with Liam, then with Daya.


    As she did, Lachlan grabbed me by the arm and turned me toward him. Then he dropped to one knee before me. "Champion Diaz. Commander. Thank you. I... Thank you." After a few moments he looked up at me, a crooked smile on his face. "I don''t even have anything to reward you with. Not even the Heir any more. But," he cocked his head, like he needed to slide all the blood in his brain to one spot to complete his thought. He nodded, solemn, and said, "you can cut the line any time you want."


    The crash from the adrenaline spike, the relief as Saffron looked at me and nodded, confirming that both kids were okay, even if Daya was quietly sobbing into Marie''s chest, and the absurdity of Lachlan''s completely serious yet utterly himbo statement hit me all at once. All I could do was stand there laughing. I yanked him to his feet and pulled him into a hug so tight the air rushed out of his lungs and his ribs creaked a little. "Yeah, well. Your little man saved our little girl. I''d say we''re even... if I didn''t kinda wanna take you up on that offer." I waited until he opened his mouth and said, "after we''re done babyproofing Lancaster House."


    Lachlan gave me an utterly dumbfounded look, and Saffron laughed so hard she wound up stepping too close to the edge of the pit and tumbling ass over teakettle to land on her padded posterior. What with her being a Phileo Hero and all, I''m not sure she noticed. She sure as fuck never stopped laughing until I walked over, scooped her up, and glomped her into the hug with Daya and Marie.


    That put paid to construction for the rest of the day, because after Saffron explained what ''babyproofing'' meant, Lachlan was a Himbo on a Mission. We stepped all seven of us back to Lancaster House, where he immediately broke free to march straight up and into Larry''s office, where he declared on no uncertain terms that the House needed babyproofing, immediately. That led to another round of explanations, at which point Bonnie immediately threw her substantial influence behind Plan: Babyproof Lancaster House. I don''t really think Larry would have argued, but by that point he wouldn''t have stood a chance even if he did. After spending the afternoon supervising the kids, who were now playing and eating exclusively on the ground floor for the time being, I stumbled upstairs to get everybody ready for bed.


    Gotta hand it to Oscar and the Lancaster House staff. Not only were there planks tied in place to prevent a repetition of the earlier fall, on the topmost floor they''d been replaced by some really nice metal mesh that complemented the color of the wood railing and balusters nicely. Similarly any uncushioned furniture had towels, pillows, or blankets tied around it up to about kid-head-height.


    There were a lot of thankful prayers that night. Some to Dionysus that I heard because they were muttered by the refugees. Maybe a couple to Artemis, what with her being a guardian of children; I think I heard a butler mentioning her name. A fucking shit ton to me, and I''m not even going to speculate on how I could fucking hear them, like somebody listening to too loud headphones across the room, well into us settling in in our pile on the floor.


    I pulled Saffron and Marie along to the Love Shack, where I finally let go and lay there shaking while the other two took turns petting me and maybe letting go of their own suppressed panic. "I don''t know. I feel some kinda way that it took one of our kids and one of Lachlan''s nearly dying to get that shit done. I definitely feel like a fuckin'' loser moron for not seeing it before. But at least it''s done."


    Saffron pulled me to her, and I definitely felt both like she was using me as a woobie and like I felt better for it. "None of us saw it, love." She barked out a laugh. "We''ve become so accustomed to the thought that our little daredevil is both smart and quick enough to be indestructible, not to mention her Divine nature, that we never thought how dangerous such a place could be to the other little ones."


    I took a few deep breaths, eventually finding my center. "Yeah. Yeah. Scared the piss out of everybody, but at the end of the day everybody''s safe. Okay, everybody''s safe except the linen and the fancy bits in the house, but my considered opinion is fuck all that."


    "Agreed." Marie handed down the final verdict on that particular line of thought.


    "One thing gets to me, though."


    Saffron didn''t let me go, but she turned me a little so I could maybe speak a little more clearly. "What''s that, love?"


    "Lachlan. Just... I dunno, it makes me feel some kinda way that at the end of the day? His go to reward, the best thing he could think to give me? Was a ride on the Lachlan Express." Saffron chuckled, then started quietly laughing. "I mean, I''m not mad. He means well. I just think it''s a little sad that he thinks that''s the best thing he has to offer." That ramped up the laughter just a little bit, and Marie joined in. "What?"


    "Two things," she wheezed out, doing her best to get her laughter under control. "First, from the rumors I''ve heard from our guests, it''s anything but an ''express'' trip." That got a snicker out of me as well, and then she said, "as for the other?" She turned my face up to her, and bent over to bunt her forehead against mine, leaving me in a pleasant little cave of Saffron face and Saffron cleavage. Then she whispered, "Sergeant Vickerson didn''t seem to have any complaints."


    Look, I''ve already admitted to being a dumbass. It took me a little bit of contemplation time in the Saffron cleavage cave before I got it. While both of them kept giggling.


    "Fuck."

 Day Four Hundred And Nineteen

    Dear Diary,


    YOU NEED TO BELIEVE IN THINGS THAT AREN¡¯T TRUE. HOW ELSE CAN THEY BECOME?


    - Terry Pratchett, Hogfather


    Funny, I''m reading those self-help books off and on when I''ve got a minute, trying to tap the wisdom of the ages and shit, and here I find this banger when I stop that for a day and grab up one of the Pratchett novels I scored with the Black Dragon. It''s another one like the Bruce Lee quote about Truth being dynamic. Just because every bit of evidence in the world says ''Shit Pyramid is the Ultimate Expression of Deityhood'', like it''s some kind of God Crab or something, doesn''t mean that''s where I have to go. It doesn''t mean that it''s the only way.


    I can believe something is right and good and real, even if there''s no evidence for it. Fuck, according to STP I have to believe it, because if I don''t? It''s not going to become. Shit, I can literally will things into existence. Want it, visualize it, have it. Yeah, it takes some effort, some Mana, some information, and some force of will, but I can do literal fuckin'' magic. Pretty sure... no, wait, absolutely sure I can do literal fucking magic too. So yeah, all those things I want to have happen, I need to believe in them, believe that they can and will happen in order to make them happen, in order for them to become.


    But there''s a danger to that, too. I''ve seen it. Whether it''s the neo-hippie woo ''Visualization'' or the neopuritan ''Prosperity Doctrine'', there''s a recurring human idea that if you believe in something hard enough, it comes true. That if you don''t believe hard enough, it won''t. That if your dream didn''t come true, it wasn''t the economic hole you started in or the disability you were born with or the assholes who vandalized your shop because you were different or any of the other bullshit that can fall under the category of bad fuckin'' luck. It was you not ''believing hard enough''. Or not being ''worthy'' for some other bullshit reason. And what comes next is that anybody with wealth, or power, or fame is just better than everybody else. Superior. More worthy. No matter what asinine toxic bullshit they pull, it''s okay, because they''re ''Good''. They must be, because how else could they have gotten so much wealth, power, and fame?


    I wanna say the difference is ''hard work'' or some other quantifiable thing I can say ''yeah, that''s the True Way''. But... Bruce Lee. There is no ''True Way''. You can believe in unassisted flight all you want, work your ass off in the gym, but if you step off the edge of a building, you''re gonna plummet, not pull a Neo. You can believe your little shop is gonna pay your bills and make people happy, and work your ass off every day stocking the shelves, running the register, doing everything you can, and still have the whole place burn down, and it doesn''t matter if it was from a junkie''s carelessly discarded butt or a hate filled firebomb, you still lose.


    But ain''t shit gonna happen if you just sit there and whine.


    So last night after the revelation that I am, in fact, squarely on Team Himbo, despite being a proud carrier of two X chromosomes, a factory issue vagina, and the inherent ability to scare H.P. Lovecraft shitless, I requested and received sweet, sweet oblivion courtesy of my beloved wifies'' bestest Skills. Yes, I know her Mana Shaping is higher, but she has yet to use that one to knock me unconscious in a way I''m aware of. Frankly, if she used it somehow last night? I''m putting it on the record right now that I''m down for that.


    Mimic dreamt of chibi Chefs and an ever tightening cordon of Kraken in the waters of Calverton.


    Woke up in the morning rested and de-stress-ted. Yeah, not my finest, fuck off, I felt good. Scars weren''t even hurting that much. When Menace came through as our first customer of the day, I pulled her into my ''office'', which is a weird way to think of a tented over towel, but it''s not like I''ve got another office somewhere, and said, "Isnomi, can you do me a favor today after breakfast?" She nodded solemnly, and I said, "I need you to get every kid in Lancaster House to join us in the boy''s club." At her furrowed brow, I explained, "the big room upstairs with all the sofas and little tables."


    "Oh. Ah-tay!"


    "Can you do that for me? I need to be sure we get all of them. Their parents can come if they want. But I need to talk to them about what happened yesterday, and what we''re gonna do to keep anybody from getting too dead to play any more."


    She rolled her eyes a little at that last bit, and I wondered exactly how fast this little mini-bitch was maturing, and whether I''d need to have the fuckin'' condom talk before she was in fuckin'' pre-school, but that was a challenge for another day. She just lifted her were-the-ever-pudgy hands up to my cheeks and said, "ah gad dis, Mama."


    I smiled, gave her a kiss on the forehead and a hug, and said, "I know you do. So proud of you, Menace."


    After that everything went more or less smoothly. Maze said she''d help keep kids together while Menace rounded them up, Anna gave me an update on the planned outing, Devorah tried to finagle me into copping a feel, Chloe decided to spill tea about Lachlan. Or brag. Or something. I got a quiet giggly yelp review of the man''s skills, which seemed... oddly attentive? Weird, but not bad, I guess.


    When we had everybody together, which meant not just the kids we''d bathed, but the younger refugee girls, a few kids who stood out from their peers due to clean, mostly neat clothes and several fewer layers of grime as kids who''d stayed the night at some point recently, and the rest who weren''t, like, filthy or anything, but clearly didn''t bathe first thing in the morning every morning. I leaned down and waved Menace over. "Is this all of them?"


    "Yus!"


    I ruffled her hair and gave her a little boost back toward her posse. Then I leaned my ass against the arm of one of the big chairs, so I was still tall enough they could all see me, but I didn''t look quite so loomy. "Okay, everybody. Does everyone know what happened yesterday with Liam and Daya? On the steps?"


    Daya buried her face in Marie''s skirt, but I wasn''t really worried about her doing dumb shit any time soon. Liam sat in front of his father, who''d settled down on the floor right behind the posse. So weird seeing him there nodding along like the rest. A couple of the kids looked a little lost, so I said, "raise your hand if you don''t know." I put mine in the air as an example of what I meant.


    At least two of the kids raised their hands, and a few others looked like they wanted to, so I gave them the quick explanation. "Daya got shoved through the balusters. If Liam and I hadn''t been there, she would have gotten hurt. Probably would have died. Liam might have as well." I paused. "Any questions?"


    One kid raised his hand and when I pointed at him, asked, "who shoved her?"


    I shook my head. "I don''t know, and honestly I don''t care. Nobody was angry, nobody was being mean, everybody was just excited for lunch and rushing down the steps. It was an accident. Shit happens." I looked at him until he nodded.


    "Okay, so the reason I called you all over here is because we''re going to be making some changes and putting some rules in place. Who noticed the new mesh through the balustrades?" I nodded toward the railing, and a couple kids looked, while most of them nodded and raised their hands. "Okay, that''s one of the first big changes. Any place somebody could accidentally fall and hurt themselves where we can put something in place to make that not happen? We''re gonna put something there to make that not happen. The railings will get that mesh. The furniture is going to get some padding, so if somebody trips and hits their head they''re more likely to need some healing than a coffin." I hated to keep harping on the death thing, but these kids were mostly five or six years old. From what Saffron said they''d already lost friends, maybe family. I needed them to understand that shit didn''t need to happen. "So..."


    Marie looked at me, so I shut up and nodded at her. "Rugs." She tapped her toe on the floor, and instead of the expected tap of the floor, I just heard a muffled thump.


    "Okay, so we''ll also be putting down rugs, so if somebody faceplants, again, Healer instead of Undertaker. So everybody gets it, there is absolutely no reason any of you kids, or any of your little siblings if you wind up with them, need to wind up dead. Or even hurt real bad. We''ve got enough Healing in the House that nobody should stay hurt. With me so far?"


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    Some of them looked skeptical, but all of them nodded.


    "We''re gonna need your help though. if somebody''s hurt, bring them to an adult, and have them bring them to one of us. If they''re hurt real bad, get them to us fast. By ''us'', I mean anybody who can Heal. Me. Saffron. Anybody in a Hero or Cadet uniform, like Lachlan... Hero Lancaster is wearing right now." My favorite Himbo raised his hand and waved around the room. "That includes Bonnie and Larry. Heir and Heir Consort Lancaster."


    One of the moms who''d come along shot her hand up at that. When I nodded, she blurted out, "surely you wouldn''t have us disturb the Lord or Lady!"


    "She absolutely would." Bonnie entered the discussion from just inside the Heir''s suite. Everyone turned to look at her, and she continued. "And I absolutely agree with her. Larry and I aren''t the healers that Tabitha and Saffron are. I think even Lachlan is better at that than we are, but," she sighed, then continued just a little quieter, "we can Heal enough to keep someone alive long enough to get them to someone who can do better." She paused again, and then, very much the Lady of the House, said, "Understand, that is what I, the Heir-Consort, expect you to do. I don''t care what we''re doing, interrupt us. The books are only important because they help keep people alive. Same with the whole war. So if someone is hurt? Even more so, hurt badly enough to maim or kill them? Get them to us. We will do whatever we can, whatever we need to, to fix things."


    "We will." echoed Larry, who stepped up behind her and put his hands around her. If that brought a little more attention to her belly, maybe that would get the point across to moms in a way they could understand. More eyes watching kids meant more eyes watching her kids. Not that I thought Bonnie thought that way, but the moms of Lancaster House probably thought she did.


    "Okay, everybody got that?" When I got nods all around, even if some of them were tentative, I said, "So along with bringing us hurt people, or letting us know about them if they''re hurt too bad to move, if any of you notice something where someone could get hurt? You come tell one of us. Tell an adult. Tell one of the maids, one of the butlers, tell Marie or Oscar or somebody, so we can work together to find some way to fix it. Or even just make it a little less dangerous, because we''ve got some really good Healers. Do any of you guys remember Angel? Cadet Mac Conno? Woman about so tall?" I held my hand out. "Really strong?" That got a round of nods. "Okay, last Fall Equinox? She got her arms cut off, and the Academy Infirmary put them back on."


    Saffron raised an eyebrow. The Infirmary, love?


    She was in the Infirmary. And Sister Siobhan and Doc DeLeon are pretty damn good at what they do. And Doc Z is in residence two days a week at least.


    You don''t need to convince me, love. So humble.


    I shrugged. Meh.


    So deserving of rewards.


    Oh, yeah. That''s me. Totally humble. I am the humblest. I have trophies for humility.


    You do?


    Yeah. Back in my room. Wanna come look?


    She grinned at me, her eyes fluttering half shut. One of those two things, certainly.


    While Saffron and I flirted silently, the rest of the audience gasped and muttered in horror and surprise; they''d seen Angel, and her arms certainly worked better than anybody except maybe Lachlan and Carruthers. Okay, maybe me at this point, but I''d gotten a lot buffer since the Expedition to Lancaster House.


    "So. Get us to the hurt people. Help us find problems so we can fix them before somebody gets hurt. And finally... the stairs." Everybody kind of leaned forward at this point. "The stairs are the stairs. There''s not any way I can think of to really make them ''safe'' without also making them kinda useless. So we''re gonna have to have a rule, one that the adults mostly follow already. No running on the stairs. No playing around on the stairs or railings. If you can reach a railing and you have a hand free, you put one hand on the railing, and you walk, even if you''re not on the steps yet. I might not be here next time somebody yeets themselves over the railing, and that''s a long, long fall. You won''t just wind up dead, you''ll have time to get really scared while you''re falling. Not a good way to go."


    Like you wouldn''t fix that too.


    I absolutely fucking would, and I absolutely do not want them going through that.


    So many rewards.


    I tried not to let thinking too much about that show on my face as I said, "Okay, what do you do if somebody''s hurt?"


    "Tewwa ''dult!"


    "That''s right, Isnomi. Now, c''mon, everybody, what do you do if somebody''s hurt?" This time most of the kids joined in on the chorus of ''tell an adult''. If some of them got a little shouty, I gave no fucks about that. "C''mon, everybody! What do you if somebody''s hurt?" This time even a few of the moms got involved, and I swear I heard Lachlan join in.


    "Good! Now, what do you do if you see something that might hurt somebody?"


    Liam raised his hand, and when I pointed to him he called out, "tell the staff!"


    I tilted my head, but nodded and said, "they''re probably the ones who know how to fix it best, you''re right, but don''t be afraid to tell any of the other adults. I mean any of us. We''d rather get interrupted by that than by one of you getting hurt. So, everybody, what do you do if you see something that might hurt somebody?"


    I lifted a hand to my ear with a smile, and got a rousing round of ''tell'' followed by a total mishmash of ''somebody'', ''an adult'', and ''the staff''. Honestly, I wasn''t sure who really could fix things, and spreading the word around about something could help in it''s own right, so I called that a win and moved on.


    "Okay, what''s the rule on the stairs?"


    "No wunning!" shouted the Menace.


    Right after that Liam hollered, "hold the rail!"


    As I was about to ask everybody to repeat that, I saw Daya raise her hand. I pointed at her and saw her lips move, but the kids were still excited, and I couldn''t hear her. "What was that, sweetie?"


    Despite the carpeting, I felt the floor rumble a little. I''m not sure whether it came from Marie, Menace, or both of them, but everybody shut right the fuck up. In the silence I heard Daya whisper, "watch for little ones."


    I pointed at her and nodded. "YES! That''s exactly what I mean about calling things out. It doesn''t matter if you''re going slow and holding the rail if somebody bigger than you knocks you down. It doesn''t matter if they were too. So keep your eyes open for others, especially the ones littler than you."


    As I saw nods starting, I said, "So, what are the stair rules?" I held up one finger and got a chorus of ''no running''. As that died down, I raised another finger and got ''hold the rail''. My third finger got a chorus that was a little disjointed, but most of them said something like ''watch for littles'', so I called it a win, because I didn''t want to lean too heavy on Menace and Marie testing the kids bladder control to keep the meeting going. "Okay. That''s all I needed to tell you guys. Thanks for listening, and try to remember everything, okay?"


    They all agreed, and Menace led the kids on an absolute berserker charge that had all the adults chuckling as it turned into a very polite, excessively slow march down the steps to the foyer.


    I heaved a sigh. "Welp. Time to get to work."


    Saffron held up a hand, and I enjoyed how she deliberately let me pull her right up against me. "I suppose so."


    Maze had run off with the other kids, so I Blended and ghosted one of me along behind them as they played tag and some kind of skipping game that got them all ejected to the courtyard when they tried to draw on the floor with some chalk the kids scrounged up.


    Marie and I hopped to the mast, and for the first time in days I took up the watch, leaning back against Marie, who leaned against the mast proper with her arms wrapped around me, doing her dead level best to make every part of me other than my binoc hand and my eyes go utterly limp.


    All three of us towed Lachlan and Carruthers off to the work site, and if we lost some time to Lachlan and I talking about Liam''s heroism while we dug, screw it, we had a roof down at Lancaster House if it snowed before we finished.


    Finally, Saffron and I hopped to her office and she settled in to coding. I thought about reading, but couldn''t really get in the right mood after having to run the meeting this morning. "So much work to do," Saffron muttered at one point not long before lunch time.


    "Yeah. I wish I could help you more."


    She chuckled, and I enjoyed what that did to her ass on my lap. "Not really what''s bothering me. I enjoy doing everything I do."


    "Uh... okay? Is the problem anything I can help with?"


    She sighed, giggled, and confessed, "Oh, definitely."


    "Okay?"


    "Screw it." She flung her hands across her coding windows, leapt out of the chair, pulled me up by my shirt, then walked me backward until I backed through the adjoining door with a crunch. At that point she just threw me onto the bed. "I''d rather be rewarding my Hero."


    Late in the day, sweaty and satisfied, I lay there chuckling. "So many rewards. I think I''m gonna get addicted. Gonna have to go do more Heroic things."


    "Oh, but we haven''t finished with the Rewards you''re owed yet."


    I pulled back just a little. "What you talkin about?"


    She shook her head. "That reaction makes it seem like you don''t even want them."


    "Oh! I want them. I really want them. Wanting rewards is what I do best!"


    She rolled her eyes. "So you will be accepting them, then?"


    A little bit of guilt tried to worm it''s way in, and I said, "oh, no. Definitely accepting them. Would be rude not to. I''m a polite fuckin'' bitch, ask anybody. Way too polite to refuse rewards."


    She laughed. "Okay then. best get you ready then."


    I looked down my own front. "Uh... mostly ready already?" She chuckled, Grinned, and shook her head the tiniest bit. "Why am I suddenly afraid I''ve just leapt into the briar patch? What do you have planned?"


    She gave me an absolute ''butter wouldn''t melt in her mouth'' look and said, "me? Nothing. Well, not much. But..."


    "But?"


    "Lachlan owes you a Reward."


    I don''t know whether to keep my mouth shut or not any more. I''m fucked if I do and fucked if I don''t.


    Yeah, I know. World''s tiniest violin.

 Day Four Hundred And Twenty

    Dear Diary,


    "Sometimes, if you''re lucky, someone comes into your life who''ll take up a place in your heart that no one else can fill, someone who''s tighter than a twin, more with you than your own shadow, who gets deeper under your skin than your own blood and bones."


    - Snoop Dogg


    Four hundred and twenty days! Four twenty! Blaze it!


    I did not expect to find words of actual wisdom from Snoop Dogg of all people, and finding them on my four hundred twentieth day here seems like the Fates are definitely fuckin'' with me. But honestly, if the Fates are gonna fuck with me, doing so by dropping cool shit in front of me that only Isekai me is gonna recognize is like, surprise morning birthday sex kind of fuckin'' with me is way better than the surprise painful buttsex version they kept throwing at me last winter.


    That quote, though. I love my tiger wifey, I love my little Menace, I even got some strong proto-love kinda affection for Marie''s horde hoard and a certain Sister who is badly overdue for her deflowering. I would kill or die for any of them. They''ve all got that kind of place in my heart, I guess, even if some of them are still shaping it around them. But... Saffron. Oh, blessed fuck Saffron. She completes me. Like, not just because everything I suck at she''s awesome at, which lets me maybe focus on being the best me I can be without having to worry about, y''know, whether the bills have been paid. But... every place inside where I maybe feel empty, or hurt, or like some part of me just never grew right, she''s there. Just... there. I dunno, maybe that''s fuckin'' codependence instead of love. I worry about that shit, like I''m not loving her right. But oh, my, god, do I want to, because she absolutely loves me exactly like I need, each and every time I need it.


    That wanting to is the first and most important step, Daughter.


    Really, Boss? You''re not just blowing smoke up my ass to make me feel better?


    So says my wife, and she would know.


    Thanks, Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    Kinda wonder about weed in the here and now. Like, back in the world of Eastside, even before it got legalized I could find that shit on half a dozen different corners. Those unlicensed dealers were still cheaper, even if they might not have the fancy name brands of shit. Odds are at this point they were dealing stuff they grew themselves. I wonder if there''s anybody like that here. I haven''t seen anything in the way of smokables, either tobacco or weed. Probably for the best, because with all the pain from my scars I would definitely have a habit by now.


    Speaking of habits of questionable morality and my sweet Kitten loving me in every way I need, she definitely hit me with the mother of all seven syllable shenanigans yesterday at sunset. "Uh... I''m not..." I stopped, remembering promises made and my own determination to shake the shit that had me by the neck. Me saying no to being the sluttiest slut that ever slutted ought to be my decision to make, not some kind of fucked up loss of agency making me nauseous, especially at the thought of getting railed by my wife just because she happened to be the hottest dude I''d ever personally seen at the time. I tried again. "Are you sure I''m ready for that?"


    She rolled us into the Love Shack bed, where Lachlan stood, an absolute confection of a man, getting readier by the moment as he looked at the two of us and said, "I don''t know, are you ready for that?"


    I clumsily scooched myself down the bed until my toes touched the padding on the foot. "I... uh... I know that''s just you Co-Located and shapeshifted, but holy fuckin'' shit. Wow. I''m not sure?"


    Carruthers stood where Lachlan had a moment before, his dark hair making him look somehow more mature, even though I knew with absolute certainty that he was younger than Lachlan. "What if it wasn''t?"


    I tried to think about that. I really did. But c''mon, my wonderful witch of a wife had dangled two different slabs of grade A beef in front of me while I was still kinda reeling from her seven syllable symphony, so thinking was not really on my list of options at the moment. None of the ones that scrolled through my head really worked, either. Attack and Flee were both right out, and Cast didn''t give me a lot of options that seemed appropriate either, so I went for Use Item. "Gimme a blindfold."


    He chuckled and opened the drawer, pulling out a blindfold and tossing it to me. "So, what are you going to do if midway through the night I bring in the real Linus or Lachlan? Or even both of them?"


    "Uh... is screaming profanity an option?"


    She slipped the blindfold over my eyes and tied it tight. "A secret for you, love. I love your... vocal loss of inhibition as much as you love my sweet tooth."


    "Hold my hands?"


    She laced her fingers through mine. "Of course, love."


    I learned a bit about myself over the course of the night. Some of that shit would have been disturbing if I hadn''t been so thoroughly distracted. When I cinch down that Mimic-hide blindfold like I did when it started to slip, I can see right through that shit. I do not produce vulgarity word salad when my mouth is full. Most surprisingly to me, I''m more flexible than I thought when positioned as the meat in a beefcake sandwich.


    Oh, you are definitely the cheese in between those slabs of beef, love.


    Mimic dreamt of Chibi Chef Saffron dropping slabs of beef from orbit, and that crazy melanistic tabby loved each and every one to pieces. With her maw, of course, but holy shit was there some enthusiastic mastication going on. Almost drowned out the practically continuous angry chanting of the Kraken.


    Woke up face to face with Saffron, our limbs wrapped around one another. Took me a moment to realize that we were not, in fact, back in the Lancaster House bedroom. I rested my head against Saffron''s, luxuriating in the warmth of bodies. "Kitten?"


    She started her bootup immediately, sniffing, then sticking her tongue out to taste test the world. I couldn''t resist, and kissed her thoroughly. She responded in kind, and I felt the smile creep across her face as she went from waking to awake. Without opening her eyes, barely pulling away from my lips at all, she murmured, "enjoy your rewards, my ever Heroic wife?"


    I chuckled from deep in my throat as her hands wandered, telling the rest of me good morning. "Ooh, yeah. Definitely. Kinda reminded me of that old thing about really good singers though."


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    "Hmm?" She murmured as she kissed my neck.


    I nuzzled her hair, reveling in the smell of it. "Y''know, only an incredible singer can deliberately make herself sound like a not incredible singer. You were almost clumsy as Carruthers. Not nearly up to the holy crap skill level I know you''ve got as Lachlan."


    She snorted, then chuckled against my neck. Her laughter kept getting worse, jiggling her physics against mine. Right about then I realized that the hands providing an ersatz bra for her and, in fact, the pair doing the same for me were neither fuzzy nor clawed. I lifted my head just a little to see Lachlan snoozing, dead to the world. By the fuzz against my back, I''d wound up with Carruthers snuggled up behind me. Not as soft as Marie, but damn near as fuzzy, really. "Hey, why''d you get Lachlan."


    "Bigger hands," she giggled.


    "Fair point."


    She tilted her face to look at mine. "Are you okay with this, love?"


    I froze with my mouth open. "I... Well, shit, I''m not sure."


    She smiled at me and said, "so, twice more then, to follow your own rules?"


    My mouth kinda dropped further open for a moment, but I managed to keep from saying anything loud enough to wake the men. "I really do not know if I''m up for that."


    "Well. While you make up your mind, do you mind if I have a go?"


    That hit me out of left field. "Uh, what do I do then?"


    "That is entirely up to you, love. You could hold my hands, although some things are a little hard to do without both hands. You could watch?"


    "Watch?"


    "Watch." Marie announced from over on the divan. I glanced down to see her sitting there in her uniform, a gray onesie taking shape as she knitted. I really weirded myself out by not actually blushing. I mean, I thought I should, but at the same time some part of me was confused by not being really upset about what I''d done overnight.


    "Uh... do you really wanna?"


    Saffron frowned, but more considering than upset. "Would you be hurt by me doing so?"


    I thought about it for a second. "No? I mean, I really don''t think so? Yeah, if you hid it or lied about it or made me feel like you''d be mad if I jumped in right in the middle or something. But... honestly the really bad part of me thinks that it''d be totally hot."


    Marie chimed in with, "Yes."


    While I giggled at that, Saffron took me by the ears and said, "no, love. That is most definitely not a bad part of you. Naughty, perhaps. Ribald, definitely. Sensual, fantastically. Horny, absolutely. But not bad. Understand?"


    Something inside me warmed at that. Not just because her fingers were running through my hair, thumbs brushing my temples, but because it felt like for once in my life somebody''d seen some part of me and instead of judging me for it, snickering at it, exploiting it, or even just tolerating it, she absolutely adored that part of me as much as I adored every part of her. I think I cried a little as I kissed her, nodding.


    When we finally came up for air she said, "so, we''ll need to be about our duties soon, but thanks to the manifold blessings of My Goddess, that need not mean we must leave this little love nest, and due to the hard work of the Imperator''s most ferocious Attack Dog and her Tigress handmaiden, most of our duties require far less than our full concentration, don''t you think?"


    I snickered a little and said, "I''m totally gonna get you to play hooky once the war''s over. At least once."


    "Once the war is over, there will be far less likelihood of some crisis happening at any given moment, and I will absolutely follow My Beloved Goof on a day of irresponsible adventures." We lay there smiling for a bit, and eventually she said, "so, if you''re really ready for another go by the time they wake up, lets see if you need me holding your hand?"


    "What if I want it?"


    "Then you tell me so, and my hands are yours as much as anything else of mine, love."


    "Okay."


    She grinned at me and asked, "if you''re not ready by then, or if you need a break after, might I have a turn with them?"


    "I uh... I''m a little torn?"


    "How so?"


    I blushed as I said, "I''m not sure my hands won''t be too busy to hold yours." Emboldened by her sudden gleeful grin, I said, "I also feel like we''re treating them kinda like hunks of meat." When she looked at me quizzically, I explained, "like, I really don''t like either of them like, y''know, ''life partners'' or shit. The thought of marrying either or both of them just seems like a lifetime of being a Thinking Brain Human for both of them."


    She stroked my hair and said, "I really had no intention of keeping them like that, either. I doubt either of them want to fill such a role. They''re friends, yes. We''re enjoying a rendezvous, yes. Quite a fun one in fact. But it need be no more than that. As for their opinions, I''ll be sure to ask them when they wake up. Which they won''t do for a while; you rode them very hard and put them away quite sweaty."


    "Oh, noes! More Saffron smooching in the meanwhile!"


    So yeah, the three of us might have been a little distracted today. Marie and I didn''t spot a single call for support, although we did watch as Olga used what looked like a ship''s anchor chain to yoink a big hunk of debris from the line I''d smashed across the City, only to have said hunk of debris get pulled into the water by a tentacle that only seemed small in comparison to Mimic''s gargantuan ones, then yeeted deep into the Undead held portion of the City. Late in the day, Swanson''s HQ building flashed a complex signal which I eventually deciphered to mean ''staff meeting tomorrow midday''.


    Maze and I stole a copy of The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents and spent the day reading in our Academy suite bedroom.


    Half of the kids played something like ''red rover'' while the other half played something like ''house'' with the remaining Maenads and kids who hadn''t been claimed. I realized that any remaining at this point probably wouldn''t be. We''d have to do something about that eventually, although it looked like the Maenads who still had babies with them were the sort who enjoyed the whole nursemaid thing, and from the way I saw them gently showing even the boys in the group how to change a diaper, didn''t mind the parenting part either. So we just needed to get them a place to stay out of the weather, really.


    The trio of us in Advanced Healing mostly sat in the back of the room like delinquents, smiling at jokes that the rest of the class couldn''t get. Smart delinquents, I guess, because the rest of the class still used us like a kind of Wikipedia when the profs stumped them. Sister Siobhan gave me a look at one point, like she''d wanted the Cadet to figure the answer out on his own, but I just smiled at her, and she blushed and sat down suddenly. I swear I didn''t send her live imagery of the goings on. Not even a little bit. Saffron might have though.


    The pair of us in the office really tried to get some work done. We really did. Okay, Saffron did, and I tried to be a good little seat cushion and provide her with all the support and comfort she needed to change the world for the better with nothing but sheer force of will and prodigious amounts of Mana. Unfortunately, the boys waking up and stretching diverted both of us into stare and comment quietly to one another mode, and that''s pretty much all that pair of us did for the rest of the afternoon, like a sexier Waldorf and Stadler. Okay, Saffron''s definitely sexier, and she tells me I am too, and our pair of himbos didn''t seem any less enthusiastic for me to be their dance partner than her, so I''m gonna say yeah, I''m definitely sexier than a septuagenarian Muppet.


    So, final tally of things learned for the day. I did, in fact, make progress on overcoming my mental block, assisted by my very good fellow himbos Linus and Lachlan. The soundproofing on the adjoining door in our Academy suite is still soundproofed, and if I''m paying too close attention to goings on when my mouth is full my profanity word salad can and will overflow into another mouth, and Saffron will laugh so hard she falls off my lap when that happens. Saffron was not, in fact, as sexy as I thought she would be, she was in fact multiple orders of magnitude sexier than that. Watching Linus''s need to bone overcome his sheer terror as the pair went for round five with my favorite Maenad, Maid, and Wifiest of Wifeys, who decided she wanted a ride on the town bikes, was goddamned hilarious.


    Also, Lachlan has got to be the smoothest goddamned man in the Allied Cities. When we dropped the pair of them off in the boy''s club, he turned to me, bowed, brushed his lips across my knuckles, and said, "it has been my honor to ser... serve and satisfy you, Champion."


    I dunno which was worse, the fact that I was so gobsmacked by that I stood there staring until he was out of sight down the stairs, or the ongoing snickers from not one, not two, but three different High Priestesses filling the back of my head as I did.


    ''Oh, noes, the hot guy was a gentleman and my three hot as fuck ladies think my reaction is silly''. First world fuckin'' problems, I tell you. Gotta love em.

 Day Four Hundred And Twenty-One

    Dear Diary,


    "Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive."


    - Havelock Ellis


    I never really thought about it like that before. After yesterday I started to feel some kinda way. Not jealous, because not only was getting to watch Saffron and Marie''s responses without having to pay attention to causing them a special kind of treat all on its own, I also realized that what really makes me love my tyrant and tigress isn''t ''ooh, they let me touch their naughty bits''. If naughty bits are involved at all, it''s the care and attention they pay to mine, and not even ''they''re really good at it'', but that in those moments they make me feel like I''m the most important person in their world.


    No, that''s not quite it. While anything the three of us do tends to wind up being a little bit of two vee one, that''s not always the case, and even, maybe especially when it''s not, the attention they give me makes me feel like I''m worthy of that attention. Like I matter to them. Like I matter. Which makes me realize right now why it''s not just bedroom games. It''s Marie taking the time to learn new recipes just because I mentioned I miss them. It''s Saffron probably rearranging her entire plan for our house so I''ll have a family sized bath to get some nights of pain free sleep in. It''s a collage of a million little things, a mosaic where even if some tiles stand out from the rest, the picture it shows... It''s me, only a me so radically different from the way I see myself, so much better, that I almost don''t recognize myself when I see myself through their eyes. It''s the Academy Mural, the Sculpture of Light, all over again, only this time it''s not by someone who''s only ever seen me from afar.


    It''s by the two women who''ve seen me up close, day in, day out, in every intimate way, who might actually know me better than I know myself.


    So, y''know, when I realized there was a whole section of one of my self help books on jealousy, I figured I''d give it a read, and I found that gem. Helped me realize that what I''m feeling isn''t jealousy, it''s some remnant of my Eastside life telling me I should be jealous while most of me is too busy overwriting vast portions of my private pearl polishing stash with imagery from yesterday. Not to mention a bit of me feeling just a tiny bit bad that I gave them the impression that I was unfair enough that I''d do something and then not let them do the same damn thing.


    I mean, almost the same thing. The three of us have radically different dimensions, not to mention different preferences and hang ups, after all.


    So today went pretty smoothly, all things told. Started out with bath time, and if Menace looked a little cranky about losing half of her playmates and Maze, she sucked it up and just asked when the next book was gonna start. Anna let me know that we''d be taking two dozen Maenads on the tour tomorrow. As the last two in the tub, Saffron asked me to wash her, and gently, because she was still a little sore.


    After breakfast, Menace took her hyperkinetic preschool squad down to the courtyard, where they spent the first half of the day doing red rover and hopscotch, and the second half helping the Maenads with their little ones. Part of me feels some kind of way about babies living outside, but Lancaster House''s doors haven''t closed since Bonnie decided to leave them standing open for the Maenads, and I''m absolutely certain the Maenads wouldn''t do anything to hurt those kids, so I''m just shutting up and letting the magically engineered nursemaid nannies do their thing.


    Maze started the moment breakfast was done, read a little late, and finished up Hat Full of Sky. I made sure she let Menace know we''d be starting Wintersmith tomorrow.


    I realized that as a seat cushion, I really couldn''t do ''vibration'', and the angle was awful for anything approaching backrubs. Okay, I tried, but that bent Saffron so far forward she couldn''t really see her coding windows, and eventually, regretfully, she made me stop. Of course then I got a really awful idea and called up my rope darts. Securing the darts and rings to the chair behind me, I reached out to the part of me that could snug blindfolds and bindings down tight and... flexed. Moved. Slipped around her shoulders, her belly, her thighs, even a couple loosely connected loops wrapping around her biceps. "Let me know if they''re too tight, okay Kitten?"


    "If I pass out, they were too tight."


    I chuckled, "Like to live dangerously, huh?"


    "I did marry you."


    "Ouch."


    The frown in her voice clear, she snapped out, "did I in any way make you think that was a complaint?"


    "Wait, you mean I''m not the source of our daughter''s recklessness?"


    She chuckled, her hands moving through the aerial dance they always wove as she coded. "Oh, I am never reckless. But her need to look danger in the eye, press herself up against it, and laugh in its face? Oh, yes, that she definitely gets from me."


    I rolled all of the ropes along the surface of her skin, rolling and kneading at her muscles. Her hands froze, and I stopped. "Too much?"


    "Tabitha Diaz, if you stop again I will find some way to make you regret it." I laughed, hugged her to me, and went back to kneading her with appendages I tried not to think too much about.


    I dropped into Loki''s cave to find Sigyn in her boots and miniskirt, bent over to unlatch Loki''s wrists. Neither one noticed my arrival, and I couldn''t tell if I regretted my chuckle when, the moment both of the stalagmites holding his wrists down came free, he flipped his wrists around to force Sigyn to stumble backwards and land butt-first on his face. I mean, on the one hand I felt a little bad that I''d obviously interrupted some spousal quality time between the two of them, but it''s not like they couldn''t do that pretty much every day of the week. Also, the deer in the headlights look when she heard me and looked up was hilarious, and the identical look on Loki''s face when he realized she''d frozen and sat bolt upright only made it better, especially when she slid right down his front to land on his crotch. Sigyn is not a petite woman, and that''s at least a solid eight foot drop there. Where her look of surprise had been laced with leftover bits of ''a little to the left, dear'', his was absolutely flavored with ''ow, man pain''.


    I couldn''t help it, my chuckle turned into a full on laugh, although I managed to force out, "I can leave and come back later, if you want?"


    Sigyn recovered first, mostly because Loki was still trying to pretend he wasn''t in the throes of post testicle impact discomfort, and said, "nonsense, daughter." She shifted a little, and Loki''s eyes crossed, but he sighed out in a bit of relief. "My dear husband has learned the joys of anticipation, he can simply simmer longer."


    By that point he''d managed to get his voice and the rest of him under control enough to slide the table over in front of them and say, "Sweet Sigyn is correct, daughter." After both of them arranged themselves a bit, without Sigyn ever moving to leave Loki''s lap, he followed that up with, "sit, sit. I don''t believe you''ve managed to do yourself any mischiefs this week?"


    I shook my head, then paused and shrugged as I pulled my chair over. "I mean, I haven''t died. Haven''t even really gotten into any kind of fights. There was a bear, but Marie took care of that. Liam and Daya took a spill, but I don''t even think I got bruised catching them."


    "What? Little Daya! Tell me!"


    I spent a while I could never measure properly telling them about the near disaster on Friday, followed by listing out everything we''d done and planned to do to make Lancaster House safe for the little ones. Of course, that led me mentally up to the part I didn''t want to and suddenly desperately needed to talk about.


    Loki lay one hand on mine and said, "Daughter, tell us."


    I laughed a little, looking away for a moment. "I''m getting pretty shitty at keeping stuff from getting out, huh?"


    He smiled without a hint of laughter. "No, Daughter. But you are my High Priestess, and even if you were not, even were your mind not open to me, as mine no doubt is to you, you... you do us the honor of trusting us, and I have some passing familiarity with divining the moods of others even when they do not give me that trust."


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    I smiled and squeezed his hand. "Yeah. Yeah. Wait... I can read your mind?" He shrugged, and I realized that was not a can of worms I wanted to open right at the moment. "Okay, yeah, I think I need Mom''s... advice? On this one."


    "Why do you hesitate, Daughter?" asked Sigyn.


    I took a deep breath, blew it out. "Because I did some shit that my past life tells me is all kinds of wrong in the ''I''m married and shouldn''t do that'' sense, and some part of me is desperately throwing guilt at my ass, but... Shit, Saffron and Marie did the same thing I did, and the only maybe negative takeaway I''ve got from that is that thinking about it means I need to keep my hands on top of the table, because if I don''t I''m sure as shit gonna try to sneak in some Single Player mode of what you two were up to earlier."


    I went silent, and Sigyn just blinked at me for a moment before reaching out and taking one of my hands in hers. "Well. Let''s keep your hands above the table then." She smirked at me, then said, "In all seriousness, what did you do that has you so out of sorts?"


    "Two guys. Two hot guys. Two really hot guys at the same time holy shit I was joking about being a slut but fuckity fuckballs I''m actually becoming one and how the fuck can Saffron want to be with me if..."


    "Stop." Sigyn''s quiet pronouncement stilled me. Definitely a Norse Goddess, definitely right in the middle of her Domain. "You said Saffron... ''did'' them as well?" I nodded. "Think about it. Dwell on it. Meditate upon your memory of that event. What feelings does that inspire in you?"


    "Uh... can I have my hands back? Just one maybe?"


    Both of them laughed, Sigyn''s especially amused. "I think not, Daughter. Now, what makes you think she had any response other than the mirror of your own?"


    I sat there, frozen, as that idea settled into my brain, so utterly foreign to me that it took me a long series of endless moments to come to any kind of terms with it. "But... she''s hot."


    "Has she not said the same of you?"


    I shrugged. "Well, yeah, but... but..." I drew that word out until realization overtook me. "She meant that?"


    Sigyn smiled at me. "You should probably speak with her about that, but I would assume so."


    "From what she''s told me, you are the focus of almost every fevered fantasy that occupies her mind," Loki said.


    I waggled my shoulders, wanting to wave my hands around. "But aren''t we supposed to be jealous about shit like that?"


    I''d never seen Sigyn look at me like I''d just taken a crap on their floor before. Didn''t like it much, either. "Why?" At my questioning look, she followed that up with, "I am the Goddess of Married Devotion. While Duty can be part of that, Love is and always will be part as well, whether that love grows from duty or the other way around. But... jealousy?" She spat the word like it fouled her mouth to speak it. "That has no place in love. It is a cruel mockery of love, the thought that someone is not just property, but property that you would rather destroy than see someone else enjoy."


    "So... Jealousy is bad?"


    She chuckled. "She is your daughter indeed, my Jotnar prince. Mistress of understatement."


    I shook my head. "I''m gonna need some time to really digest that."


    She nodded. "So be it." She leaned forward conspiratorially. "In the meanwhile, tell us every detail of your amorous adventures with your spouse."


    "Dear, she is my Daughter."


    Sigyn rolled her eyes. "And mine as well. Now," she wriggled herself a little to face me more squarely, then grinned, "either hush and let us girls gossip, or join us. Your choice."


    He heaved a sigh that blew cool air across both of us hard enough to flop Sigyn''s hair into her face. "My wife is cruel. So cruel."


    She flipped her hair back, smiled, and said, "you love it."


    "I know."


    When the sun got to its highest point, I leaned the side of my face against Marie''s chest, handed her the binocs, and said, "I''ll be in Swanson''s office if you need me." Then I stepped over to the big War Table.


    A quick glance around the table showed all the major commanders gathered around the table, as well as Olga looking in through a window high up on one wall. The War Table itself had all the little Undead markers arranged more or less properly; maybe a little more than half of them in the destroyed box, about a fifth of what was left down in the unsecured southeastern district, and the rest all spread out through the portion of the City to the West of a no-man''s-land of model buildings that had been crushed sideways. Blushing a little at the thought of how much property damage I''d done, I said, "Hey, guys. What''s up?"


    "Majesty," Swanson greeted me. "We will soon move into the next phase of our liberation of Calverton City. Before we begin, we hoped to get your input on our plans."


    I shrugged. "Pretty sure everybody else in the room has more experience with this kinda thing than me, but I guess if everything goes to hell in a handbasket, it''s my name on the big chair, so go ahead, hit me with your plan."


    "Thank you, Majesty. As you recommended at one point earlier in our planning, we''ve kept things simple, and focused on maintaining overwhelming... local force superiority." His hesitation was more at the choice of words, since he''d picked up on the idea pretty fuckin'' quick when I described it during our brief planning sessions way back when. "We''ve managed to keep combat casualties to a minimum, and have had no combat fatalities at all. Other than the very few deaths due to misadventure outside of combat, we''ve lost no one permanently, and the Black Dragon has allowed our wounded troops to recuperate fully, something otherwise unheard of when dealing with Miasma this thick."


    I nodded. "Okay, yeah, nice review, but...?"


    He smiled, and so did Olga. "Just setting the stage. Our process for taking the two northern districts was to take a beachhead, hold our taken territory with troops while our Heroic troops pushed forward to the natural choke points of the bridges into the district, sweep around to claim the shoreline, then spiral inward to eliminate the remaining Undead."


    "Okay, sounds good, seems like it worked?"


    "Indeed. When... Mimic''s Kraken removed the possibility of Undead moving through the waterways, and... Mimic herself produced a killing ground between the districts and the rest of the City, your Troll Legion moved first on the South Central district, where you captured and healed a Death Knight."


    "You mean..."


    "Yes," he cut me off, and I took the hint. "General Hargreaves has questioned the former Death Knight, who has been completely cooperative regarding troops and placements. The Troll Legion has moved on to clearing the South Eastern district, and I expect they will complete that clearing within the next two days."


    "Okay. I''m getting called in for that, aren''t I?"


    He nodded. "Most likely. Princess Olga holds the Northern bridge, and our strongest Heroic Undead Killer unit holds the Southern one. The Kraken assist the Trolls and harass the Undead, even beyond the killing ground. So should the Trolls face anything they cannot overcome, it seems most prudent for yourself and Maenad Marie to finish it."


    "Got it. And after?"


    He took a deep breath. "We may have to take risks."


    "How so?"


    I guess me asking politely rather than biting his head off relieved him, so he let out that breath and explained. "The remaining portion of the City is one large area with no real natural obstacles like the branches of the river that separate the Districts. From what we have learned, there are some thirty five thousand Undead remaining there; almost twice our number, despite our lack of losses, and as we keep two thirds of our forces in the Bay in reserve, recovering from Miasma exposure, almost six times the number we have in the field at any given time."


    "So... what you''re telling me is that if we stick our collective dicks out there, they''ve got a big enough manpower advantage to cut them off?"


    Weyson winced. Hargreaves got that super serious look some guys got when they tried to hold laughter in. Olga, and Swanson froze for a second, then started laughing. I let it go on for a solid minute until I held up my hand. "Thank you, Majesty, for reminding us that when all seems lost, one can only laugh in the face of death and make your enemies pay dearly."


    "Oh, fuck that noise. You forget you''re talking to Loki''s Champion here? When all seems lost it''s time to get creative, and fuck them when, where, and how they least expect it."


    The whole table, generals and aides and even the few troops I''d come to think of as ''enlisted'' kinda leaned forward. "Okay, not gonna go over details now, because we''re not secure, but for now... are we under any kind of time pressure?"


    Swanson shrugged. "The latest messages from Heir Lancaster and Grand Councilwoman Driver tell us we''d best finish this up by last harvest at the latest, or we''re likely to eat through our Winter stores before Spring."


    "Uh, aren''t we gonna have a problem anyhow then?"


    He shook his head. "A fighter in the field eats far more than that same fighter hunkered down to endure Winter''s snow."


    I nodded. "Fair point. Okay. So we wanna close this out by... Fall Equinox?"


    Everybody at the table looked around, but it was one of the Thralls who quietly said, "Norfolk''s final harvest is after the Equinox."


    "Okay, cool. Can we hold those two bridges with a third of our troops?"


    All the general types in the room nodded firmly at that. "Absolutely."


    "What if every Undead in Calverton came at one of them?"


    Swanson hesitated, but Hargreaves spoke up. "Honestly it would be harder if they split themselves; they''ve got more than enough to saturate one bridge. Especially the Southern one, although that will change a little once the Trolls finish their current District and are ready to support the South bridge."


    "Okay. If we had all of our troops holding those bridges, could we do it?"


    Swanson nodded. "We might even be able to push forward a bit, set up at the far end of the bridge, and make that killing ground a killing ground in truth." Before I could say anything, he followed that with, "not far beyond the bridge, and using a Phileo-style combined arms approach to allow our troops to hold a line while our Heroic fighters destroy the Undead en masse. Slightly more risky, but we''d have the bridges to fall back to if any portion of our line seemed likely to be overwhelmed."


    I nodded, bits of a plan flowing together not unlike they''d done before the Battle of the Bay. "Okay. For now, once we get the last District cleared? You guys hold. Play it safe. I''ve got some shit to prepare, some folks to talk to. But..."


    I left that hanging there, let the tension in the room grow. Right when I saw a couple of them squirming like they were about to talk, I spoke. "twenty days from now, Calverton City will be free."


    I grinned around the table, and watched them all dance between joy and terror at the look in my eyes.


    "And every Undead in the City will be ash in the wind."

 Day Four Hundred And Twenty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    "Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don''t complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don''t bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live!"


    - Bob Marley


    Yeah, I think my mind is complicated enough already. Trauma from Mom dying when I was thirteen. Trauma from growing up in an ''economically devastated'' area, with all the constant fear and insecurity that brings. Trauma from my sister blaming me for ruining her life when my Mom died. Trauma from all the normal stuff that anybody goes through during their teenage years.


    Then, before I can fuckin'' graduate and move on with my life, maybe finding some kind of way to heal, some fucker shoots me in the head and I die. Since then... life has only gotten ruttier. Seriously, I think I must have had a major ''growing up'' moment at some point. Maybe lying there in Sister Siobhan''s Infirmary Cot, maybe when I lay there reading Law and Custom of Phileo for the first time, maybe when I realized that my hookup wasn''t just a hookup, but a mother who wanted to have something, make something, build something real, with me. Yeah, I''m still coming to terms with that last bit.


    Maybe it was when somebody threatened all that and I decided that I wasn''t going to go with the flow, lie down and let life take one more fuckin'' thing from me without a fight. No matter how big the fuckers trying to take things from me were. My life is all about driving against the ruts, ignoring the ''do not enter'' signs, and given who my Patron is, doing so with maybe a little bit of mischief when I can. But putting away Jealousy and Hate? Making the vision of a world where kids grow up, where my own kids are whole people who get to pick their destiny? Yeah, I can get behind that. Putting my dreams out there has been scarier than I want to admit. Setting aside Jealousy, realizing how caustic and toxic it is, has been hard when it''s been hammered into me since I was a kid. And Hate. Putting aside Hate, even as a response to Hate. Oh, that is gonna be hard. As my mom used to say, powerful hard.


    But like the song says, ''the good is never easy, the easy never good''... wait, shit, did I fuckin'' internalize the latter half of that the wrong way? Fuck.


    So yesterday after the Command Staff meeting, I deliberately did not go visit anybody regarding my Nefarious Plan, because I figured whoever this ''Master'' guy was had to have been a Mage, and a powerful one. which meant that I had to assume that if I knew a Shape or Spell, he probably did too, and knew how to make it go with Miasma instead of Mana. So instead I chatted a little bit about which Undead Killer units had the best clear speed, how many of the troops had live combat experience by now, just general boring bullshit that the fucker either already knew or couldn''t make use of. Then I stepped back to Marie and spent the afternoon talking about recipes. As far as I know, Undead don''t eat. Let the fucker stew in his own envy or jealousy or just plain hateful rage.


    Also it''s so fuckin'' fun to watch her eyes light up when she starts thinking about some way to recreate something I tell her about.


    Last night Saffron finally started on full frontal acupuncture. I''m not sure if I liked watching Marie guide her through pincushioning me or not. On the one hand, I absolutely trust that Marie knows what the fuck she''s doing. Hell, I trust that Saffron knows what she was doing to the point that after like the second needle, I didn''t even tense when she moved to add another one. But watching as Saffron clearly needed or wanted Marie''s help to place something correctly just puckered my asshole a little bit. Really thankful that nothing comes out of that orifice, because at least one of those pins unclenched the sphincter, blasting the room with Pumpkin Spice.


    Screw it, all good clean fun.


    This morning before the trip, we got everybody all cleaned up. Anna, Devorah, and a short handful of other refugee women asked to come along with us, so after breakfast I pulled Marie aside and said "Saffron and I can handle a dozen people between the two of us, can you handle the rest please?"


    She smiled at me, nodded, and gave me a kiss on the temple. "Vlickies."


    We gathered up in the courtyard, and I winced a little as the half dozen Maenads with multiple little ones each distributed them amongst the rest. I mean, on one hand I got it. None of them were really settled in here enough to leave the kids they''d claimed behind, and going to a new place I''d sure as shit want one hand free just in case shit went down, but it still hurt to see somebody with that kind of mistrust so deeply ingrained. Of course, I did get it. If Saffron weren''t around to hold Isnomi, if I weren''t the forklift certified one of the pair of us, I sure as shit wouldn''t be putting her down either. Okay, I''d hand her to a Maenad if I needed both hands to properly express my displeasure about something, but I think you get my point here.


    We all gathered in a big circle, including two Maries in Glowing Midnight and two in her Maid''s uniform, and we stepped to the Practice Yard. I got a little bit of a shock at Headmaster Miles, Marshall duBois, Sister Cheryl, and Sister Trease all standing there with twenty four Cadets in formation backing them up. "Welcome to Phileo City Heroic Academy, Ladies. I''m Headmaster Miles, and this is Marshall duBois. I understand Champion Diaz and Imperator Aetos-Diaz will be giving you a tour of our Academy, our City, and our sister City Camden Yards today."


    While the Headmaster spoke, I saw duBois'' gaze flick across our crowd, then I felt him Co-Locate somewhere downstairs. Before Miles finished speaking, another half dozen Cadets ran out into the Practice Yard. I''m not sure if any of them caught how each and every one of the visiting Maenads tracked them as they approached, only relaxing when they slipped into formation behind the rest of the Cadets.


    "While you''re visiting, we''ve assigned a Cadet to each of you to see to any needs you might have. All of them are fluent in Greek as well as Celtic, so they can translate for you if you wish to speak with any locals whose Greek isn''t up to the task."


    Did you think of that?


    My tiny tyrant replied immediately. Much to my chagrin, I did not. I informed them of our arrival and how many guests to expect, but nothing beyond that.


    Good subordinates.


    She giggled, although I''m not sure anybody but me heard it. Odd as it seems to think of them as such, but yes.


    I realized as the Cadets broke formation and walked smoothly toward the Maenads and refugees, hands loose and clearly empty, that all of them were women. I''d spent so long in the guy-heavy Army and the male-dominated Norfolk area over the past six months that the all girl unit threw me for a second. Once I thought about it for that second, I realized both why they''d done it and why both of the Sisters whose duties didn''t require them to stay in their office all day had been included in the greeting party. Other than a few boys so young they were utterly androgynous, every refugee we''d rescued was a woman, and the Maenads were, well, Maenads. All of them had been hunted by the Spartans, who might actually be bigger sexists than pre-Bonnie Lancasters.


    "So, you guys coming with us, or do you need to get back to work?"


    The Marshall smiled, "we can come along if you want, but I figure your ladies will want to talk with Cadets and the staff more than us."


    I shook my head. "Nah. We''re good. I''ll come get you if we need you."


    With that, he laughed a little, then the four of them nodded and left. I turned to our group. "Okay, everybody. I''d kinda wondered how we were gonna show everybody a Dorm room without squishing all of you into ours, but this helps a bit. Any of y''all up on the top floor?" Three hands shot up, and I nodded. "Okay then, that''ll do. We''ll head to our suite first, and if you Cadets with top floor rooms could do me the favor of opening them up for a bit, so the ladies here can see a couple different layouts?" I wasn''t really sure any of the Cadets with us had customized their rooms, but even before Saffron and I moved in together, I''d seen that the rooms that mirrored one another in their had their furniture layout mirrored as well.


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    All three of the Cadets with their hands up called out, "Yes, Ma''am!" which maybe startled the refugee ladies a bit, but the Maenads just took it in stride.


    "Okay then. Our itinerary for the day is pretty simple. After the room tours, we''ll show you guys the Library, then head down to the basement where you can see where the rest of the Maenads do their day to day things. Any of you who want to ask them about life here at the Academy for non-Cadets can do that as well. I''m sure the Cadets can answer any questions you have about being a Cadet."


    Devorah raised her hand, maybe a little tentatively, and asked, "why would we need to know about that?"


    I love it when I lob a slow pitch and somebody swings at it. "Because you''re all living in the Alliance now, and that means that any of you who want to try out, or want your kids to try out, for a slot at any of our Academies are welcome to do so. I''m not gonna lie to you, it''s not for everybody. The training is pretty brutal, and I''m talking academics and mana shaping as well as the physical conditioning. But," I paused and shrugged, pure theatrics. "The Academies train the Alliance''s Military Officers. I''m pretty sure the Imperator would take it amiss if the Academies tried any kind of bullshit about ''you can''t try out here because you''re the wrong race, gender, species, or age."


    "You are absolutely correct, my Champion," Saffron said as she slipped her arm through mine. it had been a while since I got to hold hands with her without her having Glowing Midnight''s gloves on. We''d both gone with our Academy uniforms today, although I couldn''t tell you why. Just felt right.


    Right about then one of the Maenads tilted her head the tiniest fraction, and somehow a year of living with Marie translated for me. Or maybe it was Blend. At any rate I nodded and said, "even you ladies, if that''s what you want. I imagine you''d all ace the physical training." I shot them a smile to take the sting out of my next words. "Law and Custom is a bit of a bitch for everybody, though."


    "Speak for yourself, Goof."


    I laughed. "Okay, Law and Custom is a bitch for everybody who isn''t, y''know, redefining both on the daily."


    Saffron laughed at that, and we led everyone inside the Academy. I showed the group to our suite, and when they''d finished they wandered out to see the other three rooms. I kinda drifted with them, and noticed Marie showing off the laundry room on this floor. By her wide eyes, one of the Maenads might have decided to join the next class of Cadets right then and there, entirely for the laundry service. Poking my head into the other rooms I noticed that most of their interior decor wound up being religious in nature. One of them had a really beautiful painting I''d have thought of as a ''fantasy drawing'' of a woman made of fire on one wall, and a similar golden metallic bust on her altar. Another had a sheaf of wheat and a sickle. The final one had a painting of a lightning strike on the altar, and a selection of hammers on the floor around it. I maybe got a bit of that mischief in me and Co-Located to the roof for a bit.


    After maybe half an hour, we all trooped down to the Library, said hi to Sister Cheryl, then after showing everybody what we could show without unlocking the locked floor, headed down to the basement. I know the Maenads had seen their sisters after the day I rescued all the kids, but they treated it almost like a full on homecoming. The Maids showed off their workspaces and, I think, some of the spots they''d socialize and even sack out when needed. The new Maenads showed off the kids they''d claimed as their own. The Smiths came around to say hi, and I got the weirdest feeling that some of them weren''t anywhere near as ''guy'' as I''d mentally labelled them as. Either that, or the Maids vouched for them strongly enough that the other Maenads didn''t bat an eye when they came around, even letting them see and hold some of the kids.


    "Champion?"


    "What''s up, Anna?"


    "How does one gain employment at the Academy?" I turned to ask Marie, because fuck if I knew, but she up and disappeared, then a few moments later she stood there with Sister Siobhan.


    The Sister nodded and asked, "were you interested in becoming part of the staff here?"


    "Oh, no. Not myself. But some of the others are still seeking a place. Devorah, for example, seems rather eager to find a place for herself."


    I choked on my spit as Saffron, Marie, and Sister Siobhan all shot me knowing glances. I couldn''t leave it at that, though. "I thought she maybe wanted a spot at our new farmstead?"


    "Is that an option?" asked the woman herself, latching onto my bicep on the far side from Saffron.


    "Well, I mean... Uh..."


    "Of course it is," answered Saffron, "although it would be nice if we had a wider variety of Skills at our homestead."


    "Oh! I''m a brewer!" She bounced, and I felt uncomfortably like I''d been sold down the river. "You have to try my mead! It''ll take some time to brew and age a good batch, but you won''t begrudge me that, will you?" A sweet, sweet, alcoholic river. Fuck it, worst case if she was really bad at it she could get me drunk, right?


    Not long after that Marie and a few Maids led us up to the Dining Hall, where for once all the tables were set up. Plenty of Cadets in the Hall, definitely more than I''d seen before. Quite a few had those weird colored nametags. One of those came over to us as the Maids brought lunch out, serving us at the same time they served the High Table at the far end of the Hall. "I... I didn''t know the Maids had days off?"


    I read the Cadet''s blue and white nametag. "Cadet Aetos?"


    "Yes, Cadet..." I watched the poor kid''s eyes slowly widen as their mouth slowed to a stop. They stared at my nametag like it was about to bite them. Or, really, more like I was about to bite them. Short hair, svelte build, middling voice, no idea if the Cadet was a guy or girl, but honestly? That kinda felt right, them being Cadets first and whatever else next. "I''m sorry, Champion. I..." They spun and were about to dart off, but Saffron''s hand lashed out, clamping around their wrist.


    When they turned back to us, Saffron quietly said, "why were you asking?"


    They turned, gulped, and doing their best eyes-front to look over Saffron''s head, said, "I''m sorry, Hero. I''ve just never seen a Maid out of uniform before, and I was curious. I... wanted to know more about them?"


    "First thing to learn today then. Not all Maenads are Maids." She snapped her fingers lightly, and the Cadet''s gaze dropped to meet hers. Then slid down a little. Common reaction, I''d done that myself. They''re real, and they''re magnificent. "Second thing to learn, always be aware to whom you''re speaking."


    Cadet Aetos'' face went pale, and they warbled out, "I be... Forgive me, Imperator!"


    Saffron smiled. "Why? Did you do something wrong?"


    You mean other than staring at your tits before reading your nametag?


    Oh, hush you.


    Only if I get to stare at them later.


    "Uh... I didn''t mean to interrupt your meal?"


    Saffron shook her head, smiling. "You''re a student, Cadet. You could use some social polish, but you came over because you were curious. I see nothing wrong with that. Now, is your curiosity satisfied?"


    "Yes, Ma''am!"


    "Excellent. Now, go get some food. Cadet training is hard enough without starving yourself."


    "Yes, Ma''am!" they near shouted before spinning and sprinting back to their table, where they slid into their seat just in time to get their tray full of food.


    If the Maenads liked the food, they didn''t say anything about it, but then, Maenads. They seemed to like everything, although liking the shoe-leather beef wasn''t really a sign of culinary sophistication. The refugees, on the other hand, treated it more like jerky, but they went on about how good the bread was.


    After lunch we wandered out of the Academy, down the Boulevard, and across the river. We showed them all through Grandma''s old place, which seemed even smaller than I remembered it with three dozen bodies inside milling around. The Maenads took special interest in the place, holding quiet little conferences in the kitchen, in the bedrooms, in the living room. They even looked out into the anemic back yard, although it looked more like they were assessing a sally port or a potential defensive gap than anything.


    As the afternoon wore on, I led them all back across the river.


    Are you sure about this? Saffron thought at me.


    Sorta? I mean, the kids are my only worry.


    We''ll let them decide.


    Half an hour or so later we stood before the tiny diner in the middle of South Street. I held up a hand to get the rest of them to wait outside, then stuck my head in to find a veritable kindergarten full of assorted kids. "Hey D, you in here?"


    D stood from his customary table, then gingerly made his way to me, pulling me into an embrace. "Tabitha! How goes it, little sister?"


    I gave him a couple good slaps on the back, then pulled away to look up at him. "You okay? You look a little swamped."


    "Children. Everywhere, children! A plague of children!"


    From the back of the diner Artemis called out, "you did say I could stay here, brother."


    Meanwhile I looked up at him and said, "sure as fuck beats the other kind of plague, right?"


    At that he sighed, smiled, and said, "it does indeed," with a chuckle. "It is only... I have no idea what to do with them?"


    I chuckled, "aren''t you, like, the God of Revels? Where everybody does everything to everybody? Including you? You''re telling me you''ve never knocked some poor chica up before, D?"


    He threw his hands in the air. "Probably? But no woman has ever been so deranged as to bring them to me before! Do I look like father material to you?"


    You know I couldn''t resist a setup line like that, I pulled him down, pulled myself up, until I could breathe into his ear, "do I look like Mommy? Daddy?"


    He wheezed out something almost resembling a laugh, then said, "oh, would that I was hip deep in Maenads. They never buried me in children!"


    You know your girl isn''t gonna miss a setup like that. I dropped down, took his hand, and led him toward the door. "Speaking of, I brought somebody to visit with you."

 Day Four Hundred And Twenty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    "He that is jealous is not in love."


    - Saint Augustine


    Huh. Y''know, past couple days I''ve read some bangers about how jealousy is a problem, but I never really expected anybody with any religious chops from back at Eastside to come down against it. I mean, isn''t there a whole ''my God is a Jealous God'' thing in the Commandments? No, seriously, I have no fuckin'' clue, I just thought I remembered something about that. Do I look like a religious scholar? I mean, yeah, I''m married to somebody who is both religious, a scholar, and I think actually qualifies as a religious scholar, but that doesn''t mean she knows shit about a religion which doesn''t even exist in this world.


    But knowing that even some dude who got canonized spoke out against jealousy makes me feel a lot better. Which is totally weird, since I''ve been told that jealousy is anathema to the Goddess of Marital Devotion by the actual Goddess herself, AKA Sigyn, AKA Mom. Which, in a really weird way has just circumvented an entire guilt trip that I just realized I was booked for in advance. Because if I can be copacetic with my tiny tyrant and towering tigress spending quality time together without me when I''ve got to have my focus elsewhere, or just because, y''know, they wanna? And I can be completely non-calm in the absolute horniest of ways at the thought of either or both of them getting it on with somebody other than me?


    I sure as shit can not worry about the Mom I popped out of back in the world of Eastside feeling some kinda way about me calling someone else Mom. Like, I''m married now, and people with healthy relationships with their in laws call them ''Mom'' or ''Dad'' all the time, right? So me getting adopted by an older couple after she died and being comfortable enough with them to call them Mom and Dad? If something happens to me, and Marie and Saffron find a new chica to join their marriage? I absolutely hope that she takes good enough care of Menace and the Horde that they wind up calling her Mom. Or, y''know, some other Mom-like derivative, since Isnomi has clearly sidestepped the whole ''which Mom are you calling for'' by giving us each our own Mom name.


    The part of me that still can''t believe anybody would really want to be married to me wants to call it lazy that I''m glad my kid is so smart that she''s obviously got her shit together more than me, but I''m gonna call it a parenting win and go on about my day.


    I absolutely was watching through Saffron''s eyes when I pulled D out of his diner into the light of sunset. He''d been looking at me, vaguely amused as I towed him along by the hand. Then he looked up, and his face was absolutely a study in mixed emotions. First his smile widened as he realized we''d brought two dozen of his Europan Maenads to visit. His eyes even twinkled a bit as he noticed the refugees, what with at least one of them being one of his High Priestesses. Then a bit of confusion as he realized that each and every Maenad in the group had a little bundle in her arms, and at least two of them had those bundles breastfeeding. Horror flooded his eyes and washed out onto his face as he blurted out, "are those all mine?"


    I gotta tell you. Despite all the evidence for it, I keep forgetting that Marie has a wicked sense of humor. Apparently that''s a pretty common trait among the Maenads, especially the ones who haven''t been denied access to D for a couple centuries, because after some really fast glances at each other and the Maries in attendance, they all looked him right in the eye and chorused, "Yes."


    I swear that fucker is heavier than he looks, and he looks like a seven to eight foot tall dude with a strong man build. I swear to god, dude must weigh at least four hundred pounds.


    Four hundred twenty six, give or take a bit.


    Give or take?


    He''s got a big stomach.


    Dude, I''ve eaten like, a whole cow''s worth of food and not had the slightest bit of food baby.


    He''s a God of Excess. He does.


    Oh, shit. Glad I haven''t picked up anything like that Domain.


    You''d rather be plagued by the guilt you feel when Bloodlust overwhelms you than feel bloated?


    Shit yeah. Anywho, thanks Boss, you''re the best.


    I know.


    So now I know I can lift over four hundred pounds when it hits my shoulders fast, because at that ''yes'', D''s knees went out from under him. A moment later a pair of Maries showed up to either side of him, but I nodded to one of the ones with us who''d worn Glowing Midnight today. I mean, if he''s gonna be surrounded by my pretty ladies, I''m gonna make sure they''re looking their best, right? Can''t let the side down. They swapped places, and by the time something resembling comprehension came back to his eyes, he had a black clad Marie under each arm. He looked up at one, then the other, and said, "did I get shorter?"


    "Heels for the win, D."


    "Why would I want them taller than me?"


    I looked at my Murder Mittens, smiled, flashed a couple images into her head, and said, "show him, Mittens."


    This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.


    One of her walked away. And by ''walked'' I mean swayed, her tail emphasizing every bit of sash in her shay. His eyes were absolutely locked onto her, and I can''t blame him, because I was too. I think one or two of her sisters got some speculative looks, and wondered if the Phileo or Lancaster bootmakers would wind up getting some new customers. Then she turned, and I did as well, just to see the look on D''s face when the Marie under his arm pushed him back to the wall beside the door and planted one size holy shit boot on the wall over his shoulder.


    "Forgive my presumption, little sister. Your argument is utterly unassailable."


    Doing one of those stupidly flexible moves she''d shown me on the mast of the Black Dragon, she leaned her head over his other shoulder, bringing her mouth to his ear, and said, "Children."


    His eyes glazing over maybe a little bit, he nodded like a bobblehead, "absolutely. You want children? We can make some right..."


    "No." Along with cutting him off, she flicked his forehead with one claw as she whipped her leg back around to stand in front of him. Before he could do more than look surprised, she stepped back to his side and pushed his chin around to look at the gathered Maenads and their kids.


    "Oh. Right. Those."


    I stepped up to his other side and said, "what''s wrong, dude? It''s not like you''re not already playing foster dad for your sister''s kids."


    He shrugged, seeming to deflate a little. "But... I know nothing of how to raise children."


    I gave him a quick sisterly squeeze around the middle, feeling Marie do the same from the other side. "Dude, seriously, you think I''m the greatest parent in the world? Shit, if it weren''t for Marie, Isnomi would be positively feral by now. Just... do dad things."


    "Dad things?"


    I nodded. "Yeah. Tell them stories. Play with them. Shit, at that age just carry them around and make funny faces. Take some turns feeding them when they''re big enough, maybe hold them to let your ladies get some rest. It''s not fuckin'' rock... not brain surgery, man."


    He shook his big assed head, made even bigger by his shaggy hair and beard, and said, "we will speak of this again, little sister."


    I nodded. "Any time you need to talk, sure. But right now? You got some doing to do." Marie and I propelled him toward the waiting Maenads.


    While he went and greeted the crowd, taking time to speak with each of them and carefully coo over the babies, one of the Maenads handed her baby to him and came over to Saffron and I. "House."


    I looked at Saffron. It was her Grandma''s house, after all. Surprisingly, she shook her head. "Not until I''m certain you''ll have food for the ones ready to be weaned." When the Maenad got a bit of a mulish look, Saffron reached out and took her by the hand. "I''ve just thought of the perfect way." Turning to the crowd, she called out, "one last place to visit before we head to our homes. If you would be so kind as to join us, Lord?"


    He turned, wary, but nodded. I leaned into D''s diner and hollered, "Artemis, c''mere, bring any kids who''re staying the night." A small horde flowed through the door at least a dozen, followed by the blindfolded goddess herself. "Okay everybody, join hands!" Once we had everybody in contact, I turned to Saffron and said, "lead on, Kitten."


    I wasn''t surprised when, backed up by me and a half dozen Maries, she stepped us to the lot in front of Drivers. Well, what was left of it. I''d been completely irrationally worried that the gruesome remains of Peter Pennypack would be sitting there somehow, but other than a pillory with a little plaque on it, no evidence remained of that. In fact, the entire empty lot was one big construction zone. No idea what they were building, but it was gonna be like, City Hall big at least.


    I stepped to the doors hand in hand with Saffron, waving the others along behind us. When we got inside, Mrs. Driver saw us and smiled, then got a little bit wide eyed when D followed us in. "Excuse me, Grand Councilwoman Driver, I hate to have to bother you here, but..."


    I watched as a kind of change slipped over Mrs. Driver, almost as pronounced as her whole Kawaii Overload Berserker Mode. She straightened up, her smile got a lot less silly, if no less warm, and she nodded. "What did you need, dear?"


    "Lord Dionysus requires the aid of the Alliance for a time. Not a great deal, but," she paused as she stepped aside and waved D further into the diner. The Maenads followed, and I watched yet another change come over Mrs. Driver, her smile becoming far less fixed, far more maternal. "Can you ensure that his Maenads have what they need to feed and clothe his little ones?"


    Mrs. Driver nodded. "Absolutely, dear. I take it they''ve not had dinner yet?"


    Saffron shook her head, and she smiled, no doubt looking at the chocolate cake on the counter. "If you don''t mind?"


    In answer, Mrs. Driver just banged on the window into the kitchen and hollered, "keep the grill hot, we''ve got guests!"


    In the end, we left eight of the Maenads at the old Aetos place with all the kids and as many leftovers as the rest of the Maenads could carry. Mrs. Driver assured them she''d have one of her waitresses check in on them, and that they were welcome to come to Drivers on the daily for as long as they needed.


    Saffron looked more than a little put out when it was down to just the three of us in the bathroom getting ready for bed. "What''s wrong, love?"


    She sighed. "I need to redo the ceilings in the new house."


    "Why?"


    "Clearance."


    I just stared, confused, until she grabbed Marie and I and stepped us to the Love Shack, then with a gesture had Marie back in Glowing Midnight. "Show her."


    Marie chuckled, then kicked one leg up. Okay, she tried, but she had to bend her knee, because her leg would have gone at least a couple inches into the ceiling, and that''s before Glowing Midnight''s elevator stilettos. "Oh. Yeah. Definitely. Taller ceilings. Absolutely. But..."


    My Kitten turned to look up at me while Marie just flexed on both of us by holding that pose. "But what?"


    I shrugged. "Thinkin'' about puzzles."


    "Puzzles."


    "Puzzle pieces, really."


    "Puzzle pieces?"


    I nodded, bopped Glowing Midnight onto her, spun her around, and propelled her toward Marie with a hand on her butt. She stared, a little flummoxed. "How did we not discover this on the mast of the Black Dragon?"


    "Didn''t think of it. Taller ceilings?"


    I didn''t get an answer, but that''s fine too. Kitten seemed happy with my new discovery.


    Mimic dreamt of skies raining beer. Not even cheap beer, but the good sweet stuff where the bitterness just accentuates the sweet.


    Nothing super exciting happened during the day. Maze played with the kids per her sister''s Wednesday decree. I played seat cushion and watched from the mast. In Advanced Mana Shaping, I had Doc Roberts run me through a quick and dirty lesson on his Mana Network thing. By the end of the day I wasn''t super quick with it, but I could make the shape and add people to it.


    Y''know, I''m absolutely not jealous of what Marie and Saffron get up to. I love them both and it''s fun as shit to watch.


    Never thought I''d envy the two of them their height difference though.

 Day Four Hundred And Twenty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    "Passion can quickly slip to jealousy, or even hatred."


    - Arthur Golden


    I have no idea if that''s true or not. I''m not sure I want to find out. I am definitely fuckin'' sure that above all I do not want to fuck up what I''ve got with Saffron and Marie because I get stupid about it. If it is true, that Passion can become Jealousy or Hatred? I''ve got to be extra careful about that shit, because I''ve never had a lack of that shit. I mean, yeah, I had my edgy phase, where I had to pretend nothing mattered, but even then I wasn''t really very good at it. One of my teachers once pulled me aside and said, "I can tell you care, because nobody who actually didn''t care would spend so much time proclaiming how much they don''t care."


    I guess that''s something else I''ve got to worry about. Focusing so much on not being jealous and thinking about jealousy that I wind up making myself jealous. Oddly, I don''t think Saffron or Marie would leave me, or even give me too much shit I if I was, though. They''d both seen me at my darkest, or at least at my darkest so far, and they hadn''t flinched. I think if I got all greedy and said they were mine and all mine they''d... maybe not take it in stride, but they''d live with it. For me. Which boggles my fuckin'' brain, but there it is.


    Thing is? That wouldn''t be fair to them. It wouldn''t be right. I wouldn''t be loving them right, and I sure as shit want to make sure that even if I''m clumsy, inexperienced, and more than a little bit of a dumbass, I''m not on-purpose doing it wrong. So I''ve got to make sure none of that passion I''ve got for them turns to jealousy. Oddly enough I don''t think I need to worry about it turning to hate. I''d sooner hate myself than hate either of them.


    So last night I demonstrated that my sociopathic Ace son is somehow a master of making erotic shit, what with upsized Glowing Midnight making Marie just tall enough that Saffron in OG Glowing Midnight was just under waist high on her. I might have muttered something about being envious of their height difference. I''m not sure, I was too busy concentrating on the visions of loveliness in front of me to really have any brain power left to run my mouth. Well, to filter it. My mouth is super efficient, it can keep going for hours with barely any input from me.


    Of course when Marie went to have a sit down on the divan, Saffron rounded on me, stalked over, and poked me in the chest. "What was that, Miss ''I''m the reason the two of us can shapeshift?"


    "Uh... that''s Mrs. Reason?" I started trying to get Marie-sized, but a certain tiny tyrant reached out, grabbed me by the shapeshifting, and all of a sudden my feet dangled over the edge of the bed.


    She pulled me off the bed, pushed me back to a wall while I looked her right in the eyes, and kicked one foot up onto the wall above my shoulder, not unlike Marie had done to D the day before. "I believe this is what Marie ought to be able to do in our house, don''t you?"


    The warmth of her knee over my shoulder distracting me, it took me a moment to realize that I wasn''t in my uniform any more. I was, in fact, in a copy of Glowing Midnight. Weird being exactly Saffron sized, but not bad weird. Shit, this was fun weird. "Uh... yes?"


    "Good answer. Now, since I think you were complaining not about size, but about relative size..." She grabbed my shapeshifting again, and a few moments later I''m not sure how short I was, but Saffron towered over me just as much as Marie did over her.


    Weird night. Fun, but really weird.


    This morning as the women went through the bath, both Anna and Devorah stopped to talk with me. First Anna thanked me for helping find some of the Maenads a new home, not to mention helping D find his footing with the whole Dad thing. It''s not like I''d done anything, really, but she seemed really appreciative, so I took a hug as thanks and sent her on to Marie. Devorah, on the other hand, sashayed up dripping wet and full of intent. When I whipped the towel around her and made with the drying, her eyes never left mine.


    "So, Champion. After."


    I chuckled nervously. "It''s not after yet."


    Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.


    She frowned. "Why not? I''ve found a place."


    "Yeah, that''s a place that isn''t even built yet. Hell, the foundations aren''t even in place. Definitely not after enough yet."


    She pouted more. "How long must I wait? Will you ever be making ''after'' later and later until I''m a withered crone?"


    I laughed, and she pouted even more. "Yeah, no, you''re right, I don''t want to do anything like that to you. Tell you what. When your place is built, and I mean four walls and a roof, furnished, and your first batch of mead is done? That''s after enough."


    Her pout evaporated, and I knew I''d been played. "Oh, so you plan on getting me drunk first?"


    "Shit, you''re the one bringing the mead. Doesn''t that mean you''re gonna be getting me drunk?"


    She just nodded, squaring her shoulders. "Mead strong enough to get a Demigoddess drunk. So mote it be, let it be so."


    I might have coughed a little at that, my throat already envisioning honeyed fire burning my lungs. She laughed and swayed off to accost Marie, who took it as her natural due while still managing to get Devorah dressed with far less difficulty than I''d gotten her dry.


    The kids played out in the courtyard again, although there were fewer Maenads and almost no babies left in the yard. I felt some kinda way about that, maybe a weird empty nest thing, but the part of me that doesn''t wear my ass as a hat realized that meant almost all of the Maenads had found shelter, and the same held true for the kids as well.


    Maze continued with Wintersmith, and the remaining women, girls, and quieter kids sat mostly enraptured by the tale. I say ''mostly'', because Marie and a few of the women had taught the rest a few basic stitches, and all of them had something they were sewing. A couple doing mending, a couple making new stuff from cloth, I think, and a couple doing some kind of embroidery. At least I think that''s what it''s called when you put stitches in things to make decorations. But all of them listened, even as their hands and sometimes eyes were otherwise engaged.


    In Intermediate Heroics, I asked Doc DeLeon about Alchemy, only to be reminded that Doc Roberts was in fact the Academy''s top guy in that field. At lunch I went to talk to him at the High Table, and after explaining what I was looking for, as well as what I knew about it, he nodded and asked me for a sample. It took a little doing, but by dinner time I''d stolen him his exemplars.


    Saffron took great delight in adjusting her seat cushion now that she''d reminded herself that she could, in fact, resize me to suit her. I couldn''t even be mad about it, because every time she did it she giggled like she''d just been given a powdered sugar enema or some shit like that. I''d go through actual pain and suffering to hear that noise, my Kitten playing around with my lap and hand size wasn''t even noticeable.


    I''d picked up the binocs today, and Marie managed to get herself behind me while I leaned forward on a crosspiece. While I focused on both bridges and the unsecured district, taking care to sweep my field of view across the rest of the City at least once every sixty seconds, she worked her way across my back, the pads of her fingers and thumbs working their way across my scars, finding and banishing each and every little painful twinge. By late afternoon, I was so loose I could barely stand up, but I kept my hands on the binocs and my view shifting.


    "Marie?"


    "Yes?"


    I''d thought most of the day about what I wanted to ask. Almost as much about how I wanted to ask it. "The Maenads. All of you. Dionysus made you to protect him, right?"


    "Yes."


    "He doesn''t strike me as the type to hide behind you guys though?"


    She paused a second. "Child."


    I''d thought enough about the conversation that I caught on immediately. "But, even when he''s grown, you still get the impulse to protect him, right? Like when I was gonna throw down that first time he and I met, you grabbed my arm. Heck, you did it again after the rescue mission, when you hadn''t quite twigged to the fact that my intent was fucking him, not fucking him up."


    She twisted me a little at the waist; something went pop and my whole back felt better. "Yes."


    "Thanks, Mittens. You have wonderful hands." She didn''t respond to that other than purring and continuing to use those wonderful hands on me. "So, yeah, barring him getting a very special kind of stupid that he''s shown no signs of being, I''ve got no beef with him, so that''s not an issue, but..."


    I waited, and eventually her hands slowed to a stop. "But?"


    "Would you be mad if I put him in danger? Like, not in a deathtrap or anything, just like if I had him do something that might get him hurt?"


    Her hands didn''t move, but the tension that gripped them when I asked my question slowly drained out of them. Wonder laced her voice when she said, "No?"


    "Would your sisters get pissed?"


    She chuckled. "Yes."


    "Do you want me to join you? I mean you and your sisters?" I paused a moment, and when she didn''t respond, clarified, "do you want to make me a Maenad?"


    That same wonder filled her voice when she whispered, "No."


    Letting the City take care of itself for thirty seconds, I turned and looked up at her. "So, do you want to be something different then?" When she frowned, then smiled, then nodded without speaking, I asked, "what?"


    "Yours."


    She bent down and kissed me, and for one endless shining moment in the light of the setting sun, everything in our little world was perfect.


    Then she sighed, pulled away, and pointed toward the contested district, where the Trolls had signaled ''Enemy Contact''.

 Day Four Hundred And Twenty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    "Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own... Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy."


    - Robert A. Heinlein


    Huh. Just had a thought after reading this. If passion can become jealousy, but love isn''t jealous, would dispassionate love be incapable of jealousy? I really hope that passionate love is capable of loving without jealousy, because I sure as shit can''t imagine myself ever loving dispassionately. Hell, it''s hard for me to do anything dispassionately. Then again, that might just be one of the many side affects of depression. Or PTSD. Or ADHD. Shit, when I list out all of the things that keep me from doing shit unless there''s some kind of bug up my ass about it, it''s kind of incredible that I ever get shit done at all.


    Wait, I can distinguish between love and jealousy, does that mean I''m not immature? Maybe it means I''m partially mature. That some small part of me, somehow, has gotten at least a little bit mature. I mean, other than in the ''this show is for mature audiences'' sense. Heh, I need a tee shirt that says something like ''you must be this tall to ride on this ride'', with the line just the tiniest bit higher than Saffron in stocking feet. Would that be too subtle a hint for her to keep the boots on? Because holy shit, those boots.


    Y''know, saying ''the greater the jealousy'' is kinda weird, now that I think about it. No, not ''weird'', exactly, just something I''d never really thought of, that jealousy is like, a spectrum and shit. Like you can be varying degrees of jealous. That really just makes sense, if you think about it though. Like, one end of the spectrum would be ''oh, you''re not allowed to interact in any way with anyone but me, you live in a box and I''ve got the only key'' and holy shit I just described pre-Bonnie Lancasters. Yeah, more evidence, jealousy bad. But maybe the other end is just, ''hey, don''t shrink anybody else down until they can nom your taco while both of us are standing up'', which is a really specific example now that I think about it, and probably doesn''t apply to anybody else. Okay, maybe Loki. Possibly other trickster gods. I guess maybe anybody Saffron Booned with shapeshifting? Okay, Marie definitely, what with her being able to Boon herself with that shit, although itty bitty kitty Marie would be fuckin'' adorable. Oh, she''s definitely Booned with shapeshifting as of right now, exclusively for that use. Okay, not exclusively, but I don''t give a shit what else she uses it for, as long as I can have her curl up in my lap. Which she could have done already if I got really big, I know, but then we wouldn''t fit in the Love shack.


    Maybe ''don''t Worship other Gods'' might be an acceptable line, but then I think about Saffron Worshipping Marie, and now I actually wanna see that too.


    I''ve got a Plan, and it''s coming together agonizingly slow, because I don''t want dipshit McGee to figure it out until it''s too late, and that''s got my brain all over the place, I think.


    So yesterday at sunset the Trolls reported Enemy Contact, which immediately pissed me off just a little bit, because Marie had just said some adorable shit that made me wanna shrink her down to lap cat size and skritch all her good spots until she passed out from purr overload. Then I realized that the past couple Undead had both done the ''engage at sunset'' thing, which made me realize that shit just made sense, what with them and daylight not really being sympatico.


    I stepped across to the spot where Furtim waved a flag atop the tallest building around. I pulled them into a side hug, then said, "Well done. What have we got?"


    They waved toward a large open space, a hill not unlike the one I''d seen in the middle of the previous district. Atop it stood a massive figure in armor, with four smaller figures in robes around him. A thin ring of Fell Snipers stood around them, and the rest of the open space was a carpet of Undead, most of them in light armor with weapons. "Can the Legion take the basic Undead if we take out their leadership?" They waggled one hand, clearly unsure. "Okay then. Open a clear passage to the north, and be ready to move on my signal." They saluted and dropped down the side of the building, doing some impressive parkour shit, catching themselves on each ledge and windowsill before hitting the ground and scampering off.


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    Atop the mast of the Black Dragon, I whispered in Marie''s ear, and she nodded. Couldn''t talk too loud, what with the Master Baiter probably listening in.


    Then I got a rush of not-stupid to the head. North side, bring them all in, the Legion will make a hole for you.


    She smiled at me, kissed me, and stepped away. I know, Vlickies, she laughed into my head.


    Meanwhile I stepped to the edge of the building, threw up a Filtration ward just a tiny bit bigger than I was, and projected my voice across the square. "Attention, Miasma victims! If you were raised against your will, or feel you''ve been lied to or controlled by the Liches in charge of the Undead horde, you may be entitled to compensation!"


    Of course the big asshole atop the hill, who had to be at least as big as Johnson, but way more ''normal human'' proportions, screamed something incomprehensible, waved a hand my way, and the Fell Snipers unloaded at me. Their arrows did about as much to my Ward as an equivalent weight of piss would damage the ocean, but the Miasma still ate away at it. I popped out an Air Shield Box above the concentration of assholes, weathered another volley of arrows, then stepped forward into my box, tossing another Filtration Ward around myself as I did.


    "Seriously, guys, I get it. You''re all pissed as fuck. But the dudes who infected Calverton are dead as fuck, and just about everybody who made it to the Lancaster Border is alive and well and sheltering in Lancaster until it''s safe to live here again."


    A sepulchral bass echoed up from beneath me. "The bitch lies!"


    "Hey! Nice! For once one of you guys isn''t mis-slurring me! I am in fact kind of a bitch! But I''m not lying. Seriously, Surrender before my Filtration Ward goes down and you''ll be alive before sunset tomorrow! Or I''ll personally deliver you to the afterlife of your choice if that''s what you want!"


    "Liar! The Gods will not have us!"


    I growled, my voice amplified to ring through the entire battlefield. "There you go calling me things I''m not again. I got a family connection with Hel, and maybe some pull with Hades if he decides he wants a skylight. Anybody else who wants to keep you out just because the God formerly known as Apollo couldn''t shoot for shit and blew his stanky load all over your City can suck my pumpkin spice ass, because I don''t fuckin'' hold with making people pay for shit they didn''t sign up for if I can help it."


    "You offer nothing but hubris and lies!"


    I sighed, the sound amplified. "If you wanna be un-Undeaded by sunset tomorrow, lie flat on your face when the battle starts. Otherwise? You''re all going down like Clanky McClankerson here." I started shaping the biggest flashiest fuckin'' Smite I could.


    "DESTROY HER!"


    The robed figures around him, who''d already popped up little Miasma Wards the moment they saw my Smite forming, raised their hands in that Miasma Lightning position. The Fell Snipers all fired a volley straight up at me, apparently forgetting that despite everything, fuckin'' gravity still worked.


    Now.


    Across the north side of the open area, in a bit of space opened when the Undead swarmed the hill to get closer to me, twenty Maries dropped twenty units of Dragonslayers, each led by a Phileo Hero. As Mana Wards sprang up around them, a titanium voice sliced through the battlefield, filling it precisely, with nary an echo. "Fire."


    Hundreds of Zombies dropped a moment later as three hundred Crossbows sang in unison, each bolt blasting through two to three before finally stopping. A moment later twenty Phileo Heroes showed exactly why they trained with bows of all kinds, as five bolts punched through each of the Liches atop the hill. "Shields up. Counterbattery fire by ranks. Second rank... fire."


    The Fell Snipers unleashed a volley at my Dragonslayers, but at the command of ''shields up'', along with the front rank bringing their physical shields around and bracing against the incoming wave of Zombies, the Heroes had put up Filtration Wards inside their Mana wards, and arrows ricocheted or stopped cold as they hit them. When the second rank of Crossbows fired, half of the Fell Snipers dropped, re-dead right there. I think a lot of the bolts wound up digging into the hill behind them, but at least a few around the edges wound up taking out a few Zombies after punching holes in the archery enabled Undead.


    The big guy snarled, roared, and took a step toward the Dragonslayers. I dropped down, hooking my legs around the giant Lich Knight''s neck and looking him right in his glowing eyes as I said, "I warned you," and shoved that big assed Smite right through the open face of his helmet.


    Of course, as I appeared, I heard "Second Rank, Fire!" precisely fill the battlefield.


    As the big fucker stumbled backward, his head ashing, ninety five Crossbows thrummed. Pretty sure every one of the Heroes managed to tag him right in the chest. I''m gonna give you one guess where at least one of the other bolts wound up.


    Fuck. You got this, Mittens?


    Yes, Vlickies.


    Good. I''mma meet you back in the Love Shack. Ow.


    Y''know, I''d still have called it a completely successful plan if Saffron hadn''t been snickering and whispering, "sixth" as she pulled that fuckin'' bolt out.

 Day Four Hundred And Twenty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    "I have learned over the years that when one''s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear."


    - Rosa Parks


    I''d say something pithy about still being afraid even when I''ve made up my mind, but that would require me ever actually making decisions and not second guessing them. Like, yeah, I make plans, yeah, I know what I need to do, but right up until the moment when I press the Big Red Shiny Button, I''m totally afraid shit is gonna go sideways at the last possible minute.


    That''s total nonsense though. Shit goes sideways after that last possible minute like, every goddamned time I do shit. I kill the kidnapper and save the baby, and a Goddess incarnates. I go to Cure everybody, and a Primordial shows up while another God does a runner. I set up a set piece battle where we''ve got every advantage, and an Undead Dragon shows up. I kill one percent of New Amsterdam''s population, and... Um... Okay, nothing really went wrong after that, but that was, like, one time.


    Although... honestly, the moment things go into motion, the moment I light the fuse, or kick over that first domino, all that worry, all that uncertainty? Totally fades away. Hell, it evaporates like water on a griddle. Okay, probably closer to sweat dripped into a deep fat fryer, given how much I typically wind up splattered with greasy pain, but still, fear? Worry? Concern? Once the plan is in motion, that shit''s gone. The weird part is that it''s not always all rage and pain, either. Okay, there''s usually some pain involved. No plan survives contact with the enemy, and full contact enemy surviving usually leaves some marks. But, and this is important, you should see the other guys. Well, okay, Artemis is back to her pre nose ruination self, mostly, but she''s a lot more polite. Apollo is a stick, I think I breathed in what remained of Sengann, Gregor''s headless, the Undead Dragon is so much slime on the bottom of the Bay, and Oliver... yeah, Oliver is like my poster child for ''we can sit down and discuss this like adults, or you can look like this, your choice''.


    Y''know, now that I look at it like that? I feel a lot better about it, what with the whole, ''sit down and talk it out like adults'' being my actual preferred option. I mean, boring assed shit, but I don''t lose a week of canoodling to recovery after a political conference.


    So yesterday night Saffron realized I felt some kinda way about her inability to stop giggling, so she kissed my ass until I stopped being butthurt about it. Like, literally, because Kitten has developed Ultimate Mom Technique: Deliver Heal Injury via Lips. Weird, but what am I gonna do? Saying ''oh, no, that''s not my kink, leave me waddling around in pain'' or some shit just seems stupid, and I try not to do shit that seems stupid when I think about it for more than five seconds.


    Weirdest outcome from yesterday; I wound up having to do the entire ''rip an Undead Soul out, Smite it, Revive'' seven fuckin'' times, because five Zombies, two Fell Snipers, and one Lich were in fact lying face down on the ground just like I''d told them to. The newly re-alived Calvertonites weren''t super thrilled about being confined to the Black Dragon, but we didn''t have a lot of options that kept them out of circulation, and the problems we''d laid out with Orla held for all of them.


    Those with basic math skills can tell that leaves one odd man out. Well, woman. One of the Snipers, Garde by name, was just done with life, the universe and everything.


    "Seriously, I''m pretty sure I can get you a spot in Hel; it''s got a skylight now, so it''s way less gloomy." I held her Soul''s hand in M-Space as new tentacles slowly grew out of the ground around us.


    She shook her head. "I... I can''t go back. I can''t go on. I don''t even know why I laid down."


    I squeezed her hand. "Because you didn''t want to burn to ash?"


    "I don''t know why, though. If you were to burn me now? I''d consider it a mercy. I just... I just can''t."


    "Don''t you have any family you can stay with?" She shook her head. "Friends?" Another little head shake.


    I thought about what I''d done for Bonnie, about the choice I''d given her before returning her. More importantly, I thought about why. "If I send you back, you''re just gonna off yourself or something, aren''t you?" She just stared at the ground and nodded. "Let me show you Hel and Hades before you decide?"


    She sighed. "As you will."


    I took her by the hand and stepped us both first to Hades, where she looked around at the surprisingly peaceful gloom, then shook her head. Next we stepped to Hel, and even the sun shining through the rift I''d broken through the roof of the cave didn''t seem to raise her spirits.


    "I don''t want to just leave you to wander."


    "I do not wish to wander endlessly either."


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    "Do you mind if I hit you with another Smite? If you''re not Undead, it doesn''t hurt."


    She shrugged. "As you will."


    I stepped back to the endless meadow of gently undulating Mimic tentacles, fired up the biggest Smite I could while directly connected to Her Dark Fatassness in M-Space. I didn''t hammer her with it, I gently released it into her, like a constant warm breeze. Her frown gradually faded, replaced by a look of calm serenity.


    "So. What do you want to do?"


    Her eyes had slipped shut while the Smite washed over her, and she said, "if I could just... end. Right now. Like this? I would be content."


    I couldn''t help how my own shoulders slumped, because I knew of only one way to do what she wanted. "I... I think I could arrange that. I''m not sure it''ll be painless though."


    She smiled ruefully. "I suppose nothing worthwhile ever is. Whatever it is, you''ve done nothing but try to help me. I trust you. So long as I end, do with me as you will."


    I lifted her gently into a princess carry and stepped us to Mimic''s maw. I tried not to think about how I knew exactly how to get there, even if I had no idea where it was. "You sure about this?"


    "Yes."


    I held her out, and a single tentacle reached out from within the maw, curling about her almost delicately. It pulled her from me, then lowered her into the maw. I''m not exactly sure why, but the moment she crossed that threshold, her Soul dissolved bit by bit, until the last part of her to go was that serene smile. "Good bye, Garde. Rest well." I knew she couldn''t hear me, but it felt wrong just walking away without saying anything.


    I still have no idea if that was the right thing to do.


    I''d intended to push my plan forward more yesterday, but after her? I just couldn''t. I worked with Marie and Saffron on the new place. I think Saffron maybe understood I wasn''t in the mood to banter with the boys, so it was just the three of us. I melted a shit ton of rock together to create one of the foundation stones for our new house. I thought a rock that big would crack or something while it cooled, but apparently Saffron had some way to keep it from fucking itself up. I just watched, thinking about that smile.


    I spent the night bundled in with the family, surrounded by our extended temporary family of refugees; even a few of the new Maenads decided to spend the night. I couldn''t sleep, that smile haunted me.


    I couldn''t waste today. I had to make up for lost time, really. So along with everything else, including the me working on the new house forming another foundation stone, I visited Conrad. "Hey, son. I had a thought. Any chance you could make a Cold Iron helmet?"


    He frowned. "You want such a thing?"


    I shook my head. "Nah. Trying something with the former Undead."


    He sighed. "I''m sorry, then, Mother. Were it for you? I might try, although I would need to borrow the Academy''s forge, and without my tools the result might not be up to my normal standards. But to protect you I would," he winced. "Lower them. But I''m afraid Cold Iron is the one substance my Workshop cannot work."


    I pulled him in for a quick hug to let him know I wasn''t upset. "No worries, Son. I know you would if you could. D''you think Jon or one of the other Academy smiths could do something? Maybe with your help?"


    He shrugged. "I''ll certainly oversee them, if that is your wish." When I nodded, he sighed and said, "oh, I have something for you."


    I tilted my head, and he held out a small, velvet-covered box with a hinged lid. Overall the thing was maybe two inches on each side. "Is that what I think it is?"


    He grinned. "And more."


    I gave him another hug, this one positively gleeful. "Thanks, Son!"


    "You''re not even going to look at them?"


    I shook my head. "I know without even looking that they''re better than anything I could have imagined." At his continued pout, I realized something and smiled at him. "But you want to see the look on my face when I open this, don''t you?" He wouldn''t let himself nod, but a mother knows some things. I opened the lid, and as it pivoted a shelf slipped up, revealing two layers of shining, glittering beauty. "Why twelve?"


    He smiled at me, "I assumed Mom would want a set. Was I wrong?"


    I snapped the lid shut and threw my arms around his neck. "They''re perfect in every way, son."


    Then I hopped off to collect one of the Academy Smiths. Not Jon; he said he couldn''t leave, and definitely couldn''t go haring off to Calverton, but one of the other smiths, whose name turned out to be Johann, came along with me. I settled him in at a forge in one of the Army encampments, handed him the Cold Iron we''d gotten off of the Lich Knight the night before, and explained what I wanted.


    Then I went to visit the... not prisoners. The recovered Calvertonites? Yeah, I guess that''s it. I brought them in to talk with Orla, hoping she''d explain the situation, and got a pleasant surprise when not only did she, but the others seemed to take her word for it that their best option was staying more or less locked up aboard the Black Dragon. Apparently whoever she''d been before she got Undeaded, the others all deferred to her. Handy. Some part of me wondered if Garde would have chosen differently if I''d made her talk to Orla. But I''d seen one too many people choose suicide by cop, and that never went down without collateral.


    But I still had shit to do. From the mast of the Black Dragon, I scanned the Undead held portion of Calverton, picking out the tallest buildings. I chose one, then leaned back into Marie''s embrace. "Brace me?" Her claws wrapped around my shoulders, and I stepped to my chosen perch. I amplified my voice, tossed up a tight Filtration Ward, and started my patter.


    "ATTENTION! Calverton Miasma victims! If you were raised against your will, or regret your choice to become Undead, you may be entitled to restoration! Come to your nearest bridge at sunrise for more details!"


    A few arrows flew at me, the first one bouncing off my Ward, but I''d already stepped to another perch to repeat my announcement. Over and over and over, every few minutes I picked a new perch and repeated myself. Once some lightning flew at me and I stepped away. Eventually Liches started climbing to the tops of the tallest buildings, a couple per, Miasma Wards up to prevent me from just hopping to them.


    By the end of the day The Dress got more than a little skeevy, what with the sweat from me throwing up Ward after Ward, amplifying myself over and over, and hopping from rooftop to rooftop all fuckin'' day long. I collapsed back into myself at the end of the day, Marie sweeping me up into a hug. I loved her so much for it, but...


    I still couldn''t get that smile out of my head.

 Day Four Hundred And Twenty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    "Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten."


    - David Ogden Stiers


    Wait, isn''t that the line from fuckin'' Lilo and Stitch? Like, my brain remembers it from there. And David Ogden Stiers is, like, an Actor From Before The Internet. Like, from the dawn of fuckin'' time. I... what was that show? A bunch of the old heads used to watch it all the fuckin'' time, the one about the military hospital... Right! M.A.S.H.! Sorry, took me a second, but did he fuckin'' say that and Lilo and Stitch quoted it, or maybe I''m having another Mandela Effect moment.


    Whoever the fuck said it, though, it''s absolutely fuckin'' true. If you''re the one who keeps getting left behind, or forgotten about, or you''re the one doing all the shit jobs while other people hog all the credit and thanks and glory? That''s not your family. People tryna tell you you''re a Bad Person not because of choices you made, but because of shit about you that you had no control over, like the color of your skin, or your plumbing, or the way your brain works, or what puts lead in your pencil, or the Gender of your Soul? Those aren''t your fuckin'' family. I don''t care who''s hoo hah you popped out of.


    The people who are there for you? The ones who see you as you are and accept you that way? Those are your people. Your family. The ones who will shed blood for you, who will bleed for you. Yeah, some people get lucky and get families who do that. But some of us get families who look at us and say ''you''re too brown, girl, lazy, gay, trans'' or whatever the fuck else they don''t like about us, and force us to change that shit in order to be accepted into the family. Or, more likely, we get that shit held over us like a fuckin'' club, because there will always be somebody who can''t ever interact with other people without holding some kind of power over them.


    I know I''ve said this before, but it always surprises me when my family comes together to help me out. Even more when they take the time and energy to meet me where I am, to give me the help I need, not the help they feel comfortable giving.


    As I sat there picking at my dinner last night, Saffron asked me what was wrong. I couldn''t put it into words, and definitely not in any kind of way I was ready to express in front of everybody in the Lancaster Dining Room, so I just shrugged and kept fuckin'' around with my chicken tendies.


    A few minutes later, Marie brushed past behind me and swept me off to the Love Shack, where Saffron perched on the end of the bed in all of Glowing Midnight except the dress itself. She held out her arms, I think as an invitation to shenanigans, but I just kinda slumped forward onto my knees, laying my head on her lap. A moment later Marie knelt behind me, her legs bracketing mine, her front pressed against my back. She purred as Saffron stroked my hair, gently brushing it with her fingertips. "What''s wrong, love?" I opened my mouth to answer, but nothing but sobs came out. "In your own time, then."


    I don''t know how long we sat there like that. Time seemed to flow oddly, almost like it did in Loki''s cave. I made an absolute mess of her stockings, but she didn''t say a word. Neither of them did, they just held me. Enveloped me. Eventually, the sobs quieted, and I said, "I... fed someone to Mimic today. Yesterday. Within the last twenty four hours."


    Her hand slowed to a stop, and I heard her inhale to speak, then she paused. I waited, and eventually she asked, "why?"


    "She didn''t want to come back. She didn''t want an afterlife. She just wanted to end."


    I couldn''t see her face, but her hand started stroking my hair again. "Was she injured?"


    I shrugged. "She was a Soul. I thought maybe that was why. I tagged her with a second Smite, trying to un-injure her. But... it didn''t change anything."


    "Nothing?"


    "I mean, she was a lot less conflicted then. She said she could end happily. Like somebody who was happy could want to end. The fuck even does that happen?"


    Saffron pulled, Marie pushed, neither very much, but just enough to leave me with my head buried under the soft, warm overhang of Saffron''s breasts. "Sometimes, love, people are just done. Maybe they''ve hurt too much and just have no more to give. Or maybe they''ve done everything they set out to do in life and anything beyond that would just take away from everything they''d done. Some might even want to see what''s next, what happens beyond this world and the afterlife. If there even is anything."


    I smirked a little, the expression feeling fey through my tears. "You mean you don''t know?"


    "How can we, love? In all the universe, only two beings have been beyond M-Space. Domnu, who came from beyond, and Mimic, who came with her." She paused, obviously thinking, "I''ve read some say the... Buddha? Am I pronouncing that right?"


    "Far as I know, yeah."


    "Some say he has seen beyond. Some say some of the Hindu Gods predate our universe, and will move to the next when it fails. But... Mortals? When most of the Gods don''t know, how can we hope to?" She just kept stroking my hair.


    "I just... I feel like I should have done something. Anything. To convince her."


    She shushed me gently and kept stroking my hair. "Sometimes the right thing to do is let people go, love."


    "I don''t want to let you go," I whispered.


    She laughed, gently. "Oh, love. I cannot think why I would ever want such a thing. But... should I ever? Should something hurt me so direly I cannot recover, not even enough to enjoy an afterlife with you? That would absolutely be my choice, to dissolve into you, my love."


    I snuffled and burrowed into her, tears flowing again. "Can we not talk about that. Can we... not talk?"


    She whispered, "we''re dressed for not talking if you''d prefer that." I shook my head and nuzzled further into her belly. "Oh. Well. I think... could you?"


    Before I could answer, Marie slipped around and lifted us both, carrying us until she lay us down in the middle of the bed. A moment later the cloth between us disappeared. "I..."


    "Shh... nothing more than this, love." She pulled me closer, pillowed my head on her breast.


    I snuffled. "What if I change my mind?"


    She hugged me and ruffled my hair. "I''m not sure that''s wise, honestly. In fact..." Quiet murmurs filled the back of my brain.


    A moment later feet hit the padded floor. "Oh. My. Well, this is unexpected."


    "Sister Siobhan?" I muttered, before Saffron pulled me down, then rolled me over so I lay on my side facing her.


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    "Our Goddess requires our aid, Sister."


    "Of course." Cloth rustled, and soft, smooth skin pressed against my back.


    But...


    Shh... three voices all hushed me at once, and then Marie''s warm, fuzzy weight settled over the three of us, a blanket gently falling across all of us.


    "You did nothing wrong, love," Saffron whispered into my hair.


    "You did something terrifically hard, my Hero, my Goddess, and you did it with gentle kindness." Sister Siobhan murmured all that into the back of my head; I wouldn''t have heard her had her lips not been pressed against the back of my head.


    "Truth." declared Marie, and somehow, that settled it.


    It didn''t make me feel any better. But it silenced my last arguments. What passed for my brain understood they were right, but my heart... that took more than expert opinions or even the declaration of my Murder Mittens. But somehow, somehow, the feel of their skin warming against mine as the blanket captured our heat, the feel of three heartbeats against my chest, slowly soothed that hurt away.


    Not long before I fell asleep, I murmured, "sorry I keep falling apart like this, guys. I ought to be better at this by now."


    Sister Siobhan whispered back, "nonsense, Tabitha. You are not a machine, not a marble sculpture, not an unfeeling tool. You are a living, breathing woman, and hurts like this take time to heal. They reopen without so much as a moment''s notice, and the only evidence we ever have that things are truly healed is when events that destroyed us yesterday do no more than hurt today, and only ache tomorrow. Shh..."


    I drifted off to sleep after that.


    Mimic dreamt of a ring of Saffrons, Sisters Siobhan, and Maries sitting around her maw, dangling their feet in like it was a pond, their legs dissolving then reforming as they languidly kicked their legs.


    In the morning I woke facing Sister Siobhan, one arm under her head, the other draped over her. "Good Morning."


    She blinked, waking almost immediately, but clearly taking a few moments to remember where she was. "Oh. Tabitha. Ah... wait, no, I... ah..."


    I smiled at the blush racing across her face and heading south. "S''okay, Sister."


    She snorted as I felt Saffron taste testing my shoulders, going through her wake up routine. "Of course it''s fine. I... I was just wondering if it might not be."


    I shrugged. "I... I needed to be held, and I don''t think Saffron wanted little kids having to worry about death before they have to worry about, y''know, dating."


    "Speaking of..." She trailed off, scooching just the tiniest bit further into my arms. "I''m sure it''s not absolutely necessary for us to..."


    "Nope." I chuckled, taking hold of her shoulder and holding her a hair''s breadth away from me. "No kissy before the first date."


    "So..." Her hand slipped down before I caught it.


    I laughed, "no fucky, no comey, no screamy until then either." She whimpered, and I smiled. "Haven''t you heard?"


    "Heard what?"


    "The war will be over before the Equinox." I leaned forward, evading her lips to place mine next to her ear, "keep your calendar clear." At the tiniest indrawn breath from her, I added, "and your underwear minimal."


    I swear I heard little bits of steam coming out of Sister Siobhan''s ears. Of course, Saffron took that opportunity to say, "I pounced on you too quickly."


    "Regrets?"


    She shrugged, absolutely taunting poor Sister Siobhan with her unrestricted access to me. "Not a damn one. Besides, praise be to my Goddess, I get to experience what it''s like to be wooed by her first hand now." When the Sister gasped, Saffron followed that up with, "I am the Priestess Most High Above All Others of Mimic, Siobhan. I''ve told you already that I will see through her eyes when she takes you. Would you not have me see through yours?"


    "I..."


    "And have me whispering to you every one of her secret weaknesses?"


    "Oi! Who said you can team up against me?"


    Saffron laughed, and I leaned back against her, enjoying the sensation and Sister Siobhan''s reaction. "Oh, love. After Marie and I have ensured that you''ve left sweet Siobhan no innocence to plunder, the three of us will show you what teaming up against you means."


    "I''m in danger!"


    "Yes."


    All four of us laughed at Marie''s pronouncement, even Sister Siobhan. I sighed, then said, "I might need this kind of thing between now and then, Sister. But I get it if you can''t."


    "Nonsense! No matter what else, I am still your Healer, and will be until you officially don the mantle of Hero. I..." She went silent.


    "You what?" I whispered. She shook her head, and I cupped her face in my hands. "No, Sister. Tell me. I insist."


    I watched the blush drain from her face, then rush back. "I would remain so after, if I could."


    "Kitten?"


    "Yes, love?"


    "Academies are military, right?"


    "They are, love."


    "Sister Siobhan can be my Healer as long as she likes, right?"


    Saffron propped her chin on my shoulder to look at the Sister and said, "so long as she does, I would have no other act as your Healer, love."


    "But, but I," Sister Siobhan kinda gabbled.


    I didn''t hear Saffron''s growl, nor Maries, but I felt both, and Sister Siobhan fell silent. "If Headmaster Miles disagrees, he can find another Healer for the Ladies'' Infirmary."


    Shocked, Sister Siobhan repeated, "But..."


    Saffron sighed. "Fine. I know how dedicated you are. If Headmaster Miles disagrees, I shall simply find another Headmaster."


    "Yes."


    Marie had a way of settling arguments.


    Today, with a night''s rest buoying me, not to mention the vision of Sister Siobhan getting dressed seared into my hindbrain, I spent the day running errands on top of my normal work. Checking in with Johann, giving him a couple extra things to make. Hauling a couple things from the Black Dragon back to the Academy. Talking with Smith Jon about some stuff. All that on top of my normal duties atop the mast of the Black Dragon, reading with Maze and the refugees, refereeing Menace and her squad, paying a visit to Conrad to ask him to make something I knew he could and would delight in making, visiting with Mom and Dad, and playing seat cushion for Saffron as she tinkered her new Inspect into existence.


    At least I think that''s what she was working on. I think I saw something similar to something that reminded me of Inspect when I looked through her eyes just before lunch. "Kitten? You got a moment or three?"


    "I could take a break. Are you hungry?"


    "Heh." I stepped us to the Love Shack, then clamped her arms motionless as I did the same with Marie. "Not yet, Kitten." I set her on the edge of the bed, then hopped back to where I''d hidden that little box. When I returned to our little love nest, I placed it in her lap, the hinges facing her. "Hold that. No peeking." Then I turned to Marie. "There''s something in that box of mine."


    She just raised an eyebrow.


    "Something I shouldn''t be the one taking out of the box." I waggled my left hand at her. "Or putting on me, come to think of it."


    I didn''t see Marie move. One second I was standing kind of between her and Saffron, the next I''d been spun around, and she knelt before me, my left wrist clamped in one claw. Slowly, taking great pains to slip it on without catching on my knuckle, she slid a band of silvery-white platinum with a gleaming white diamond surrounded by onyx and opal onto my ring finger. The moment it pushed against my hand it snugged down, hard, before loosening enough I figured I wouldn''t lose a finger from lack of circulation.


    Before she could even kiss me to seal the deal, Saffron squealed and leapt. I realized where our Menace got her impulses when Saffron grabbed Marie by her ears, looked her right in the eyes, and said, "Marie, will you do the honor of marrying me?"


    Marie barely managed to force, "Yes." through her laughter. I didn''t need to talk, so I just collapsed onto the bed and clutched at my stomach while I laughed my ass off. The moment Marie said ''yes'', Saffron grabbed her left claw and forced a deep black band with an onyx surrounded by opals onto her fourth finger. I mean, it slipped on smoothly, snugged down firmly, but Saffron''s absolute frantic haste was so adorable I couldn''t stop giggling.


    When she finished kissing Murder Mittens so hard I thought she might have cracked a couple teeth, she turned and stared at me, arms akimbo. "Why, exactly, am I being laughed at?"


    I grinned at her, nodded at Marie, and my Maenad scooped her up. "Kitten, you have thirty seconds starting now to tell the Grand Council you''re needed elsewhere."


    "I... but... what? Wait!"


    "Twenty."


    Credit where it''s due, five seconds later, she said, "done," and I felt her collapse into one of her clutched in Murder Mittens'' talons.


    I pointed imperiously at the bed. "Hold her still."


    "Not that I''m opposed to you two teaming up on me, but why exactly?"


    Mittens dragged her onto the bed, then sat tailor fashion, Saffron''s head propped on her ankles, her claws pinning Saffron''s arms and waist to the bed. "Perfect. She doesn''t move until sunset."


    "Goof! What are you planning?"


    I grinned as I crawled up the bed toward her. "After what you just did? Proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that I''m not the one who rushes things."


    Seven hours or so later, as I felt the sun set, she rasped out, "agreed."

 Day Four Hundred And Twenty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    "Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better."


    - Samuel Beckett


    Wasn''t that the guy from that old sci fi show? The one who jumped from body to body, winding up in weird historically significant stuff? Y''know, I''d almost think that those shows were, like, meant to be educational and shit, except unlike the educational Anime I''ve watched, like the one about that red blood cell trying to get with the one eyed white blood cell, that shit is painfully historically inaccurate. Okay, I mean, maybe not painfully, not all the time, but when I hit the internet it sure as shit didn''t seem like they were seeing it from the same point of view as, y''know, Actual Historians.


    That makes me wonder a lot about how historians here and now are gonna record stuff. Hell, are they even gonna do that, what with having gods around to remember stuff? Seriously, sometimes it seems almost like Phileo is some kind of weird experiment where somebody threw all the folks who might not be quite as cool with Shit Pyramid as everybody else in the world, and the folks here just ran with it. Like, does anyplace else have a major library like we do? Gotta ask Saffron about that. Maybe ask about making a whole assed public library to go with the public school system that I''m sure she''s been working on. Hell, put ''em both in the same place. It was always a pain going downtown to get to the Camden Public Library, and then they closed that shit for some stupid reason. I don''t even remember if they ever said why, other than, y''know, ''fuck everybody who lives in Camden''.


    Some part of me really wants to figure out a way to go back, now. Just to drop the first graduating class from the Camden Yards Heroic Academy on their ass and see how the fuckers deal with a couple dozen hardass asskickers from the Yards.


    But that quote, it definitely hit me when I read it. It kinda sang to me. Maybe it''s being from a place like Camden, where everything seems to go to shit despite everybody''s best efforts. Because maybe it''s not about leaping from the gutter to the top of the world all at one go. Maybe it''s not about finding some kinda cheat code and running to the top, then facing the choice of getting dragged back down as everybody you ever knew tries to pull themselves up by your coattails, or leaving everybody you ever loved behind. Maybe it''s about everybody, and I mean everybody who can move even the slightest bit, pushing things forward bit by bit by bit. It''s not even about succeeding. It''s about failing just a little bit better than you did the day before. Failing just a little bit better than the guy who failed before you. Failing in new and exciting ways that inspire other people to fail even better and more spectacularly than you did.


    Because eventually, if every time you fail you fail just a little bit better than the last attempt? Maybe you can fail well enough that it might get confused for success.


    Last night, just a little after sundown, as I pulled all of me back to Lancaster House, I broke down just a little. Marie and I were still laughing at Saffron wheezing out ''agreed'', and for some reason midway through laughing, as Saffron herself started chuckling, my tears started flowing. I collapsed into her arms, and she and Marie glomped onto me immediately.


    "Garde?" Saffron asked as she stroked my hair.


    I shook my head, shrugged my shoulders, and failed miserably at not dripping snot and tears all over Saffron''s chest. "Fuck."


    "Only if and when you feel well enough to stop crying." I chuckled a little, which devolved to more sobs. "I don''t want to somehow forge an association between sorrow and orgasms in your tiny Goof brain." I chuckled again, still returning to sobs in a few seconds.


    "Why the fuck am I even crying?" I half blubbered into Saffron''s chest as she stroked my hair and Marie kneaded my shoulders. "I got through the whole day yesterday intact, and the worst thing that happened was not getting a chance to trade rings with you."


    Saffron hummed, and a moment later I felt Sister Siobhan press up against me. "Sorrow is not bound by rationality, Goddess."


    "Tabitha?" I asked. Fuck, I practically begged.


    She put her arms around me, pinning me to Saffron, and whispered, "so long as you cannot say my name devoid of my title, I cannot feel right doing so to you, my Hero."


    That threw me sideways out of my weepy long enough to blink and say, "Sister Siobhan bothers you that much?"


    She shook her head, her hair brushing against my shoulders. "Not really. Not at all. But it does place a certain... it lacks a certain intimacy."


    I rolled my eyes. "I mean, we haven''t been intimate. Yet."


    "Yet."


    I smiled through my tears. "So the next time I''m gonna hear you say my name will be when you scream it?"


    She hummed, amused. "I wasn''t going to wait quite that long, but that''s a wonderful idea, my Hero."


    "Fuck."


    "Oh, no. My Hero and Goddess has decreed that shall not be until after our date."


    I laughed at that, and for a moment I thought I''d finally broken free. Then the sobbing took me again. The three of them held me until I fell asleep.


    Mimic dreamt of chains of her High Priestesses doing synchronized swimming in her maw, each bit dipping below the surface dissolving to nothing, yet somehow returning when the others pulled them out.


    Woke in the morning to Saffron and Sister Siobhan each snuggled up under one of my arms, with Marie curled up across our collective legs like a big ol'' cat. Which, I guess, wasn''t really all that far from accurate. A quick mental prod told me the sun would rise over the coast in maybe two hours, which put us not long before breakfast time, what with Bonnie and Larry both having classes to get to. I wondered a bit about how the two of them managed classes and managing Lancaster House and the Lancaster contribution to the war effort, not to mention Bonnie being Pregnant and only getting Pregnanter by the day.


    The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.


    "Wakey, wakey, guys. Time to get up and about our day."


    Eyes popping open nearly as quickly as yesterday, Sister Siobhan nuzzled my side a little bit, then sat up and rooched around until she could stand up and walk to the end of the bed and down the little steps. I envied her a little bit, since I had nowhere near that kinda clearance standing on the bed. I thought I might bonk my head on the mirrors if I bounced too hard. Once she stood on the padding she stretched, hands above her head and arching her back. I lost track of time while she did, until she straightened and said, "well, I''ll be going now. Ladies, please call me if our Goddess needs me again."


    "Hold up, aren''t you gonna get dressed first?"


    She shrugged. "I left my robes and headdress back in my cell. And I''m already wearing the undergarments mandated by my Goddess, after all." She winked at me as my mouth dropped open, and then she was gone.


    "Who taught her how to Translocate? Okay that was my stupidest question today. Not my fault she shut my brain down just there." The other two laughed at me. After a second I joined in, kissed them both thoroughly with the surgeon general''s minimum recommended daily allowance of shenanigans, then rolled us back to the bathroom to start the whole morning process.


    Apparently the remaining Maenads had decided to stay with us, because along with our normal bath time routine, the Maenads found the collection of brushes and combs and did some grooming. A pair of them even started in on Marie. She looked at me, and I thought, I can be all possessive if you want me to be, Mittens. She just sighed and gave me the world''s tiniest headshake. You want I should do it right tomorrow night? That got a smile and a nod. See, I''m learning.


    After a breakfast of waffles and ''summer'' sausage, which I had no idea was different from non-summer sausage, I split myself my normal half dozen ways.


    Lachlan and Carruthers came along with us to work on the house. I thought maybe they''d be weird about things, but honestly I was weirder about it than them, keeping my shirt on until it had gone fuckin'' see through from sweat anyway. By the end of the day we had most of the pit dug into the hill, and Lachlan had packed the loose dirt around the outside by just stomping it into place.


    "Hey Kitten?"


    "Yes, love?"


    I nodded to the top of the hill. "Isn''t that gonna, y''know, collapse inward when it gets rained on?"


    She frowned. "I''ve been hoping you could work on the reinforcing rings over our next few days; once those are in that shouldn''t be a problem."


    I tilted my head. "Why didn''t you have me do them before?"


    "I wasn''t ready to hold the Filtration Ward to mold them long enough, and you didn''t seem ready to both hold that and melt the stone."


    "Oh. Sorry about that."


    She stepped up to me and put her arms around my neck. "Never be sorry for that, love."


    Back at Lancaster House, I sat with Maze and listened to her read Wintersmith to the gathered refugees, kids, and now Maenads. Oddly, they looked kinda irked at the story. Not sure why, they didn''t seem to dislike the storytelling or anything, just that something about the story rubbed them wrong.


    Menace and her squad played Hide and Seek in the boy''s club and the surrounding suites. I wound up really glad Lachlan and Carruthers were out at the homestead with us, because I did not want to hear Lachlan''s answers about why the Lord''s bath room was such a mess, or why so much of the mess was women''s undergarments.


    Down in Calverton, I stepped to the bridges, collected the baker''s dozen of Undead who sat patiently awaiting restoration and, after un-Undeading them, delivered them back to the Black Dragon. I stopped to check in with Johann, then stepped back to Lancaster House, stole Menace for like half an hour, which nobody noticed because none of the kids could ever find her sneaky ass anyhow. The rest of the day I spent hopping from rooftop to rooftop, announcing "ATTENTION! Calverton Miasma victims! If you feel unjustly exploited by The Master, you may be entitled to compensation! Come to your nearest bridge at sunrise for more details!" I only got about half an hour in before the local Liches showed up to Miasma Ward the roofs.


    Back in the Academy suite office, I seat cushioned until lunch, then nuzzled Saffron''s neck and said, "my Captain''s quarters are complaining that they don''t smell enough like you."


    "Oh, we can''t have that." A moment later the two of us stood on the deck of the Black Dragon. A Marie landed behind us a moment after that. When we got into our rooms, Marie closed the door while Saffron devoured my mouth, thinking, so what did you want to talk to me about?


    I smiled into her mouth, which fucked up my response to her kissing, but she didn''t seem to mind when I thought back, have I told you lately that you are the smartest woman I know?


    Never often enough.


    Did I mention it''s totally hot?


    Her lips curved, but her tongue never stopped playing with mine. Not nearly often enough, no.


    I explained what I needed from her, and what I needed to know, and her eyes just kept getting wider until she thought, that is... devious.


    I pulled away just far enough to put a little swagger in my stance and say, "Trickster Goddess, baby. I''m all about the tricky."


    A surprisingly simple plan for one so devious as well. "Is that why I''m missing my underwear?"


    "Hey, I can''t rub you all over the room and make it smell like you while you''re wearing those, can I?" You know I can''t handle a lot of moving parts. Gotta keep it simple.


    "Truth." Marie got us both giggling at that, and she slouched into the chair bolted to the floor.


    "Oh, thank the Goddess. I thought you''d hang them from the ceiling or something like some kind of demented sachet." Hmm... I thought you liked moving my parts?


    I pointed at the ceiling, where her panties dangled just inches out of her Glowing Midnight boots enhanced reach. She proved that by reaching for them, then turning to me with the cutest pout on her face. So I tackled her into the bed, because I wasn''t about to let that cute little moue go to waste.


    The last of me hopped over to D''s diner to check in on him. I found him looking more than a little lost, with three football sized rugrats on the table in front of him, each of them just big enough to play with his fingers and coo. "How''s it hangin'' D?"


    "Soft and exhausted at the moment," he sighed.


    I put an arm as far around his shoulders as I could and gave him a gentle hug, so as not to distract or disrupt his kid entertaining. "Aw, Maenads not rewarding you for doing your Dadly duties?"


    He smirked. "At the moment."


    We laughed a bit, and then I checked in with Artemis. "How are the arms feeling?"


    "As well as can be expected, Mistress."


    I nodded. "Could you shoot if you needed to?"


    She chuckled. "I cannot speak as to my aim," she reached a free hand up to touch her blindfold, "but my arms feel as strong as they once were."


    I nodded. "How are you feeling about your brother these days?"


    She winced, but nodded. "I... You truly would have given him a path to redemption as well?"


    I shrugged. "I honestly hadn''t thought about it at the time. Little bit pissed about all the dead people he caused through bad fuckin'' aim. But... if he''d shut up and done his best to fix what he fucked up instead of rabbiting, trying to evade his responsibilities? Yet again?" I paused. "Yeah, I think I might have. Probably would have, honestly. I''m tryna give everybody else who''s willing to try one, so yeah."


    She sighed. "Then I cannot hold you responsible for his choices, Mistress. I can only thank you for dragging me from my foolishness and allowing me this chance, despite..."


    I shrugged. "Thank Maze for that. She needed it. But I''m not mad about it."


    She lay one hand on the head of a passing tot, who froze for a moment while she ruffled the kid''s hair. "So my redemption is due to a child?"


    "Yeah, kinda."


    "Fitting."


    "I say jump, you say?"


    "How high, while in the air, Mistress." She went to shift the kid off her lap, and I laid a hand on her shoulder.


    "Not right now. Not... yet."

 Day Four Hundred And Twenty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    "Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."


    - Theodore Roosevelt


    Oh, man, I was stoked when I found this one. I mean, the quote is pretty solid, yeah, and definitely right up my Isekai alley. Back in the world of Eastside I didn''t really try all that much, I guess, because I saw everybody who tried smacked down. I didn''t even have anything to lose back there, I just... didn''t. But here, where I''ve got skin in the game, I''ve absolutely thrown myself at shit. Maybe that''s the big reason I''m different here, I''ve found my family, my people. I wonder what I would have been like back there if I''d found somebody to care about like I have here. Guess I''ll never know. Not like it''s the first thing I''ve wondered about like that.


    But it''s not just the quote on this one! This one''s from Teddy Roosevelt! The fuckin'' Bull Moose! The guy Teddy Bears are named after! Just... holy crap, I remember learning about this dude in Middle School, and at first I thought he must be some kind of urban legend. Like, a rich white dude who is all about preserving the environment, and busting up monopolies, and I was all like, ''fuck, does this dude actually spice his food or some shit like that?'' I almost got disappointed when I found out he slathered white gravy all over everything, but then I found out he was dumping that stuff all over fried chicken tendies! Like, holy shit, this guy was absolutely my hero for, like, three months in grade eight. I never actually got turned off by him, either. Like, everything he did that was somehow maybe fucked up was totally explainable by the fact that he seemed to be the first and only rich white dude actually trying to make things better rather than just making himself richer.


    Also, along with not being a giant douchecanoe despite being a rich white guy, he''s not some kind of pansy intellectual either. Like, if I remember the story right he was this nearsighted asthmatic kid who just said ''fuck that noise'' and hit the gym until he got buff, and then when the country went to war he dropped the cash for his own military unit and just went and kicked the shit out of people. Then when he came back to run for president, he was up there all speechifying and some asshole shot him, and he straight up no-sold that shit. Didn''t even bother to stop his speech, just kept talking for like an hour and a half after that.


    I mean, shit, what I wouldn''t give for some rich son of a bitch who was all about protecting people and went ham on assholes and got the shit shot out of him and kept going and fuck I totally just realized fuck me but maybe some part in the back of my head never stopped idolizing this dude.


    Now I kinda wonder if kids a couple generations down the road are gonna go to sleep cuddling little Tabbies or something. Honestly, I kinda hope not, because if Saffron''s right, and she always is, I''m still gonna be around then, and that would just be weird. So maybe I can convince Marie to whip up some more Mister Krakens for the rest of our kids. I mean, if it doesn''t catch on, it doesn''t catch on. Hell, maybe if I can keep rolling like I have been, kids won''t have so much to be afraid of that they need little stuffed guardian totems like that.


    Nah. kids are gonna be kids. There will always be ones afraid of random shit, and they''ll always want some kind of something to cling when Mommy and Daddy aren''t right there with them.


    Shit, I wonder if maybe we could build a world where Mommy and or Daddy are right there with them, at least until they don''t need them any more.


    So after yesterday, for the first time in days I didn''t fall apart into a wreck the moment I got myself alone with Saffron and Marie. Of course, after spending the afternoon ensuring that our cabin aboard the Black Dragon absolutely reeked of Saffron, none of us were desperate for shenanigans. I mean, we still did, because never turn down shenanigans when they''re available, because that''s just dumb, but it was a kind of quick exchange of endorphin induction rather than a whole evening''s worth of entertainment. Weird. Not bad, just weird. Of course, that wasn''t the only exchange.


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    Saffron levered herself off of me, rolled over to the head of the bed, and said, "Tabitha, stand up."


    I wondered if I was gonna have to brace myself or something, but instead of upping the shenanigans to antics, she knelt in front of me. "May I have your hand, Tabitha?"


    I smiled at her. "It''s already yours, Kitten."


    She took my hand and slipped a black band with an onyx stone that matched the one she''d put on Marie onto my finger. It snugged right up next to Marie''s ring, and I swear when it snugged itself down it kinda melded with the ring Marie put on my finger. I smiled down at her, and lifted her up by her hand until I could lean down and kiss her.


    Then I lifted her left hand up and looked at it. "This looks awful bare, don''t you think, Marie?"


    "Yes."


    "So what are you going to do about it, Goof?" I reached into the box, laying my hand on the wedding ring I''d seen earlier, the one I wanted so desperately to put on Saffron''s hand that I could taste it. Before I could get it my hand, her hand pressed down on mine. "Not those. Not yet, love."


    I frowned. Okay, I pouted. "Why not?"


    Suddenly serious, she said, "those are for our renewal of vows."


    I slid my fingers down to the engagement rings, slipped one into my fingers. I still felt pouty. "So, do I still get to put a ring on you?"


    She smiled up at me. "The one in your hand now? You wish to claim me, to mark me, to show everyone I am yours?"


    "Uh..."


    "Do it. Claim me. Mark me. Take me, my Goddess, my Wife, my Goof."


    I grinned down at her. "What do we say?"


    She grinned back up at me, slipping her hands out of mine and stepping backward toward the wall. "Please?" NOW!


    I laughed as I lunged at her, snagging her hand despite her attempts to keep it from me, slipping the blood red band with a ruby set in onyx and diamonds onto her left ring finger, then interlacing our fingers while I pushed her back to the wall and kissed her. More shenanigans occurred after that, but can you blame us? Had to test to be sure the rings wouldn''t come off, even when, uh, lubricated.


    They didn''t.


    Today I mostly let my plans move themselves forward. Spent more time reading with Maze, playing with Menace, watching with Marie, and using my rope dart ropes to be the Best Massage Chair Ever for my brilliant little Kitten.


    Not long before lunch I hopped over to the bridges. We had another dozen Undead at each of them. Two of them at each location tried to attack me when I showed, their eyes glowing that same not-violet like the Liches did. All of them were basic bitch Zombies. I felt a little insulted even, like the Master thought that shit would work on me. After I ripped their Souls out, Smited them, then hit each of them with a Revive, I did the same to the actual refugee Undead, then hauled them over to the Black Dragon for storage.


    I spent a little time talking with Hargreaves and Swanson about rations and uniforms and weapon maintenance and every other boring as fuck thing I could think of to ask them about. I also had them start shipping things and stuff and people from the fleet to the front and back, not to mention splitting our Troops and Heroes a little more evenly between the north and south district bridges.


    At one point mid-afternoon I stepped to the tallest rooftop in the Undead held section of Calverton. By the time I managed to get out, "ATTENTION! Calverton Miasma Victims!" a Miasma Ward sprang into being around me. I turned to face the center of the sphere of Miasma, lifted my sword-staff, and said, "you have until the count of I stop talking to take that down and surrender, or I turn you in to Lich bits." When the Miasma Ward stayed up, I channeled Mana into my body, into my skin, and my swordstaff spun as arrows bounced off of me. "Your loss." I danced across the rooftop. When slices of Lich flew, I bore down and turned the dumb fucker into so much rotten sashimi, then stepped back to the deck of the Black Dragon.


    Marie saw me and hopped down. "Sorry."


    I smiled up at her. "Why? They''ve got me exactly where I want them." She tilted her head in confusion, but took my hand when I held it out. I led her back to my cabin. I pulled her in, then slammed the door behind her. She raised an eyebrow, and I leapt up, glomped her, and kissed her.


    When I pulled back, she just raised an eyebrow. I smiled at her from where I dangled from her front and said, "you don''t think I''m gonna be satisfied with this room only reeking of Saffron, do you?"

 Day Four Hundred And Thirty

    Dear Diary,


    "Don''t hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft."


    - Theodore Roosevelt


    Yeah, after getting reminded about how much of a Teddy fangirl I was back in Middle School, I paged through looking for other quotes from him. I mean, everybody''s heard the old ''walk softly and carry a big stick'' one, but really, that was never me. Yeah, I faded into the woodwork back there a lot of the time, but that was just survival instinct at work. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, but the tall grass gets mowed and the nail that sticks up gets hammered. By nature I maybe blended in, but I also poke at people to get them to notice me. It''s a weird dichotomy at work. Maybe it''s, like, I wanted to be noticed, to be special, to stand out somehow, but I didn''t want me to stand out, I wanted the persona I was playing to stand out.


    Oh. Oh, shit. I... I don''t even look like I did back there. Now I''m kinda worried that the part of me that I was back then, I dunno, died, and I''m just the part of me that played all those roles. That would be so fucked. I think, maybe it would be fucked? Like, okay, I still remember shit that happened to me, at least as well as I ever did. I think like me, but I sure as shit don''t try to fade into the woodwork much any more. I mean, I go literally invisible sometimes, at least however Blend makes me not noticeable, but I don''t do that whole ''hiding in the background'' thing.


    I guess I do still do the Trickster shuck and jive pretty often. Fuck, I''m doing that one right now. Like, not right now right now, but right now with the whole Calverton situation. I guess I''m really doing more of a three card monte or maybe a shell game. Maybe all three at once, really. Of course, I''m still trying to sort my own personal shit out on top of everything else, and lying to my diary, even lying by omission, seems like it might fuck that up. But at the end of the day, if I wind up fucking myself up to fix everything else, maybe that''s who I have to be. Who I need to be to maybe feel like I deserve to be... I dunno. Maybe just to deserve to be in the first place.


    But what Teddy said? Don''t start fights, but sure as fuck end them? Don''t start shit, but when shit starts, fuck shit up? Yeah, that kinda describes my entire existence in the here and now. If it turns out that doing all that means I can make the world a better place no matter the personal cost, and I get Teddy''s approval, however unintended and indirect? Worth.


    So yesterday after spending the afternoon rubbing Marie all over the Captain''s cabin aboard the Black Dragon, I looked up to see a very smug Saffron sitting in the Captain''s chair watching us. "How''d you get in here?"


    She put on an absolutely fake mock outraged look and said, "I''m not welcome to watch my fianc¨¦ flagrantly fucking my wife?"


    Marie snickered at that and flipped me over, turtling me just a little bit. I could still see Saffron to talk to her, so even if she started fusing my brain circuits a little bit, I was good with it. "You enjoy the show?"


    She sniffed, delicately licked her fingertips, and said, "what do you think?"


    All three of us laughed at that, which did interesting things to the already interesting things Marie was doing. "Nah, I kinda like to know you''re watching, and I kinda like to know you''re enjoying watching while knowing you''re watching, but I''m cool with it even if I don''t know, because I know you''ll show me anyway if I really want you to. No, I was wondering how you got through the locked door?"


    Kitten was still definitely in a claws out playful mood. "Oh, did you think you''d locked me out?"


    "Nah. Thought I, I, Ayeehahaha..." My brain melted down a little, and when my eyes uncrossed I finished, "Marie needed locking in. How did you get through the door?"


    She slipped off the chair and sashayed over to me, reaching down with one finger to boop me on the nose, then drag her fingers across my lips. "You only coated the outer surface of the Black Dragon with Cold Iron. Not the inner doors."


    "Huh. Good to know. Can we maybe take this back to the Love Shack?"


    Saffron stopped, tilted her head, then said, "No. No, I don''t think so."


    I guess my tiny tyrant and towering tigress decided two scents liberally applied to the interior of the Captain''s Cabin was one too few.


    It was kinda late, well after bedtime, when we all collapsed back to the cuddle puddle back at Lancaster House. When we''d been getting ready for bed, a certain Sister Siobhan had shown up.


    "Did you need something, Sister?"


    "No, Hero. I thought perhaps you''d have need of me?"


    I shook my head and smiled up at her from where I''d already kinda laid down before she arrived. "Not a Hero yet, technically. Still just a Cadet. Hell, not even a Senior Cadet, officially."


    She smiled back down at me, gracefully bending her knees until she knelt next to me. "Well then, Cadet. That''s even more reason the Healer responsible for the health of all Cadets in the Ladies'' Dormitory to visit. Did you have need of me this evening?"


    I opened my mouth to demur, but I suddenly remembered my earlier thoughts about maybe not being the same person I used to be. I shut my mouth, nodded, and held out my arms. She nodded, stood, and walked over to the bed frame we habitually pulled the mattress off of to camp out on the floor every night. Slowly, gracefully, almost ritually she pulled off her robes and headdress, hanging them over the frame, then walked back over and lay down next to Saffron and I, snuggling in front of me with her back to me, while Saffron snuggled in closer behind.


    Is it Garde again, love? I shook my head, and the four of us lay on the soft silky sheets of our Love Shack bed. "Would it be easier to say it aloud?"


    I realized right then that I couldn''t remember if I''d ever told Sister Siobhan about the whole Isekai part of me. Shit, even if I had, who the fuck knew if I''d hammered it home hard enough for Blend to not erase it right back out of her memory. Eh. Fuck it. I squeezed her just a little. "You know I wasn''t actually born in Camden Yards, right?"


    "I... I hadn''t thought about the birthplace of a Goddess before. Hadn''t even really thought you had one."


    I sighed. "Yeah, with everything else, I guess it kinda slipped my mind, but I''ve got another thing I have to tell you."


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    She rolled herself over far enough to look at me. Thankfully not far enough I had to worry about dodging sudden amorous assaults. Not sure I really could with my thoughts all scattered. "You don''t have to tell me anything, my Goddess."


    I grinned at her. "Yeah, I think if I gave up my whole ''intent to deflower'' thing, Saffron and Marie both would kill me."


    "Oh, no, love. Just hurt you until you wish we had," Saffron whispered in my ear.


    "True." Marie concurred.


    When Sister Siobhan blushed and giggled just a little, I said, "I, like, Tabitha Diaz me, was born in the city of Camden, in the State of New Jersey, in the United States of America. I lived there until one day I cut school to go to the Aquarium, where I was shot and killed. I woke up in the Aquarium here. As Mimic. But still me, Tabitha Diaz me, inside my head. Oh, at that point I kinda killed the Dragon attacking the Aquarium here, then sorta passed the fuck out and woke up in the Infirmary with you watching over me." I shrugged. "You were the first person I met here."


    "That''s... quite a lot to take in," Sister Siobhan whispered.


    At the same time, Saffron nipped at my shoulder, then said, "that was you who killed that Dragon?"


    "Uh... yeah?" I thought about it for a second. "I''m sure I told you that before."


    "No, Goof. You did not." She sighed, then laughed. "I suppose that makes Newark the second time you saved my life, not the first."


    "What?"


    She shuddered a little bit. "I was looking straight into the mouth of that thing when the Kraken... when you attacked it. Had you not? I wouldn''t be here today."


    Sister Siobhan chuckled. "So many little things. Tiny coincidences that make life what it is."


    "Yeah. So, y''know. Now you know."


    She smirked at me. "Are you sure there''s nothing else you need tell me? I''d hate to come to the end of our date and have you a hair''s breadth from finally slaking this thirst you''ve placed in me, only to have you decide you cannot." She giggled. "Are you perhaps Aphrodite in disguise?"


    Saffron snorted, and I said, "no. No, I promise, I didn''t eat Aphrodite. Not even in the fun way. Bitch probably has all kinds of diseases."


    My Kitten whispered, "not that you''d be susceptible, Goof."


    I shrugged. "Yeah, we''re all High Priestesses, so it''s not a big deal, but..."


    "And?"


    "And what?"


    "Apollo?"


    I winced. "Oh, shit. Right."


    Sister Siobhan rolled all the way over to face me. "Pardon me, but what about Apollo?"


    I sighed. "Mimic kind of ate him." Her eyes got wide. "Not even, like, on purpose or me doing it! I told him to help out with anybody I missed in New Amsterdam, and set Conrad to watch over him, and he rabbited into M-Space, and... you remember the tentacles?" She nodded, eyes still wide. "Yeah, I wasn''t real happy with him, and that means the rest of Mimic wasn''t either, and he stepped right in the middle of them, and... splat."


    "Splat."


    "Yep. I mean, I assume splat. Conrad could barely recover enough to make my cane."


    Siobhan blanched and said, "Conrad? Your... son? Adopted, I assume?" I nodded. "Do I... Do I even want to know?"


    Before I could open my mouth, Saffron''s hand slipped over it. "You do not. Trust me on this."


    "But I don''t want to keep secrets from you. Like, not even because of the whole ''intent to do you until you can''t walk for a week''. You''re my friend. I don''t want to keep secrets from you."


    She lay her hand against my cheek. "You would tell me, yes?"


    "Yeah, I..."


    She slipped her hand over my mouth this time, and her pinkie slipped across where Saffron''s fingers still lay. "Saffron, you really think I shouldn''t know?"


    Saffron hummed, then said, "you have no need to know, and it is quite... disturbing until one has become accustomed."


    "Well. Perhaps another time then. But for now... Champion, did something about your origin disturb you?"


    I nodded, and her hand slipped away. "Oh, yeah, I also inhaled Sengann." She gave me a good old fashioned ''What the fuck, Diaz?'' look, so I explained, "he was fucking with New Amsterdam when I went to Cure the City, so I Cured him first. He kinda... died and turned to ash, and anything I didn''t accidentally inhale just got sprinkled across Mimic''s tentacles anyway."


    She winced, sighed, then laughed. "I''m in danger."


    "Oh, jeez, you guys haven''t even seen that show and you''re saying it."


    She started to say something, then shook her head and asked, "what disturbed you so much tonight?"


    I froze, then forced myself to say, "I''m not me." They all just lay there, silent, surrounding and supporting me. "I mean, yeah, in my head I think I''m me. But, y''know, behind this," I waved at myself and dropped my Blend, "I''m this. And even when I''m," I pushed my Blend up again. "Like this, I''m still nothing like what I was back in Camden."


    She nodded. "Does that matter?"


    "The fuck? Of course it does!"


    That''s when she hit me with the question. "Why?"


    "Be... Uh... Fuck."


    "Not until after our date."


    I rolled my eyes, and right then and there almost decided to fuck the date and the Sister, but then the weird depression I''d been feeling hit me again. "I just... I always wanted all this, I think. But now I don''t know if I''m really me. I don''t know if I really always wanted what I''ve got, or if I''m just... I dunno, me flavored Mimic, who is the one who really wants it all. Even if it is me, what if the only way I could get it all is by being Not Me?"


    "Did you look so very different?"


    "Yeah. Oh, fuck yeah."


    "Do you want to show us?"


    I froze at that. "I... I do?"


    "Are you ready to show us?"


    I thought about that for a second. "No. No, I don''t think I am. Sorry."


    "Don''t be sorry, love," Saffron whispered. "You''re juggling quite a lot. If doing so would be the straw that jostles your elbow at just the wrong time, then wait. The same goes for not doing so."


    "You''re... you''re not mad that I didn''t think to show you before?"


    She laughed. "Why would I be? It''s not like it''s a thing you''ve hidden from me. This definitely falls into the category of ''things you forgot to tell me''. Things I''m sure, all in good time, I''ll learn."


    "But..."


    "We have a lifetime, love. And an eternity of afterlife after. I am in no rush." I laughed at her, gently, and she rolled her eyes. "I want to savor you. The parts I can resist gobbling up straight away, at least."


    Somehow talking about it had taken the edge off of my depression, leaving just a sort of melancholy behind. I gently rolled Sister Siobhan over and asked, "I... feel a lot better, but can you stay anyway?"


    She squirmed a bit, getting comfortable I guess, and said, "of course, my Hero."


    I sighed and collapsed all of us back to the bedroom, where we drifted off to sleep.


    Today in class I asked Doc Roberts if we could practice the whole ''Mana Network'' thing. I let Cadet Karen Smith play with the business end of the Shape, and she managed to not only put up a Mana Blade with a Mana Ward core, but wave it back and forth a little bit. Not exactly Episode Three Yoda, but still pretty cool.


    I hopped from the Black Dragon over to the rooftops of Undead Calverton, cutting my announcement down to, "ATTENTION! Calverton Miasma Victims! Time is running out! Act now! Restoration supplies are limited! This offer ends on Autumn Equinox!" Okay, that''s not cut down, but I said it faster, all while hopping from rooftop to rooftop with every word, Miasma Wards popping up behind me.


    What with it being Wednesday, Menace snagged Maze to come play with them, so everybody went outside to the courtyard for the day. Kids, refugees, Maenads, babies, everybody. Some of them played house, some of them ran laps or played red rover and other ''running around'' games. Oddly enough, while Liam initially stayed with the kids doing red rover, Menace seemed to want to learn how to diaper a baby. Might need to have that fuckin'' talk sooner than later, because Liam totally joined up with the kids playing house after lunch. At first I didn''t think Menace noticed he''d gotten one of the Maenads to show him how to change a diaper and burp a kid, but then I noticed her very pointedly not looking at him. I just really hope I can hold off until after Calverton. I do not need that kind of stress while I''m trying to pull off a con, y''know?


    At the very least I got some rest and stability playing seat cushion. Of course, I still felt a little of that melancholy. I think that''s what prompted me to say, "tell me I''m the best massage chair ever."


    Saffron leaned back and said, "one condition."


    "Anything for you, Kitten."


    My Kitten purred back, "when I''m done work for the day, I want this massage to get a lot more intense."

 Day Four Hundred And Thirty-One

    Dear Diary,


    "Kissing someone is pretty intimate, actually very intimate, and your heart always kind of skips a beat before you do that."


    - Keanu Reeves


    Yeah, I''m looking through my self-help books trying to find dating advice, and I came across this one that stood out more because, y''know, Keanu. Yeah, not really helping me with ideas for what to do with Siobhan on our date, because I''ve already burned the ''watch the Kraken dance in the Bay'' idea. Shit, that would have been a really good date, too. I mean, shit, I don''t have a lot of experience with ''dating''. I''m not sure any of my friends back at Eastside did. There were, like, community events, and obviously we had the whole ''Netflix and chill'' thing, but the first one you''re surrounded by, like, everybody you know, so there''s not a lot of intimacy, and the second isn''t...


    Holy shit, I almost said ''Netflix and chill'' isn''t intimate. Literally having sex wasn''t intimate. I''m not sure what to make of that. Because, like, holy shit I''m not sure, but I think most of the times I''ve really felt intimate with Saffron and Marie have been times we weren''t fucking. Like, not every intimate time was non-fucking, but you''d expect fucking to pretty much always be intimate, right? And it was, sometimes, but more often than not it was just... fun? Yeah, fun. Lots of fun, don''t get me wrong, I would absolutely be distraught if we had to be celibate for any meaningful length of time, but part of that would be the lack of fun together time, and another would be loss of Happy Brain Chemical injection, but if, like, I could spend a few hours a day just cuddling, with another couple hours having Saffron or Marie pincushion me, I''d be golden. Okay, not golden, because sex is fun, but not dying of depression or lack of connection.


    Which brings me back to Keanu there. A lot of my friends gave him shit about his performances, like somehow they looked at his face and didn''t see the thoughtfulness, the careful choice of not words, because those are, like, the writer''s work, but the way he said them. They didn''t see the snark, or the emotions he projected. I think you can tell I caught all that shit. Definitely a dude worth listening to. And since while I definitely wanted to fuck Sister Siobhan six ways from Sunday until ''thinking straight'' was as foreign to her as being deliberately mean or hurtful, I think I wanted intimacy more, I need to work some serious kissing time into our date. Pretty tall order, since I already said kissing would wind up being tantamount to making with the sex, but I think I can pull it off.


    So yesterday was kinda calm, even if things got a little exciting in the Academy suite office once Saffron decided she''d finished work for the day. She spun herself around, straddled me, and said, "done. Maul me, Goof." Then she crossed her arms behind my neck and kissed me. What else could I do, other than kiss back and use my rope dart ropes for entirely inappropriate uses? I mean, I''m not complaining. Just feeling some kinda weird about using animate leather ropes as extra limbs for the purposes of really clumsy massage.


    I kinda wondered about that while I did as instructed like a good wife, right up until she pulled just far enough away to smile and say, "I married the Mistress of Tentacles, love. What makes you think I wouldn''t enjoy you using them so?"


    I chuckled. "Next thing I know you''ll be asking me to go all hentai on you with them."


    She pulled just a little further away, so I could see her smile rather than feel it. It widened into a wicked grin before she whispered, "I thought you''d want to practice?"


    "Uh... practice?"


    She laughed, the sound somehow both pure and deliciously erotic. "After seeing the larger part of you the way she did? I think Siobhan might be disappointed if they''re not involved somehow."


    I snorted, then laughed. "Oh, you almost had me going there. Sister Siobhan? Really? Nah. She gets all lightheaded when I breathe heavy on her. No way she wants..." I trailed off as Saffron just stared at me, raising one eyebrow. A few long, weird moments later realization hit. "Holy crap, have you guys been talking about this shit behind my back?"


    "Of course not!" Something about her response had me suspicious, and I shot her the ''don''t bullshit a bullshitter'' look. "We talk about it inside your head, Goof."


    "Then why don''t I hear it?"


    "The merely Mortal of the three of us are quiet, and Marie is subtle and succinct?"


    I sat there with my mouth open, then shook my head. "I really don''t know how to feel about that. I mean, what the fuck are you plotting?"


    She shrugged. "Maybe a little talking about what Siobhan expects from you, a little more about what you like, so she doesn''t feel like she''s disappointed you."


    I''d been married to my Kitten nearly a year by now, and if our sex wasn''t always intimate, our conversations usually were. I realized right away that she''d abbreviated her list. "What else?"


    "Lots of things! Gossip!"


    "And?"


    She leaned over and whispered in my ear, "this is where I say, ''I''ll never tell'', at which point, you say..."


    "I have ways of making you... talk."


    "Talk?"


    "Screaming is loud talking."


    She stared me right in the eye and said, "do. Your. Worst."


    I stood up, holding her to me with the ropes around her thighs and biceps. I stepped forward, and we stood in the light of the sun setting over the distant gray smudge my Eastside geography classes told me was the Rockies. The meadow of tentacles undulated beneath my feet, and I lifted her away, my grip on her ankles and wrists pulling her limbs out, spread eagle, before I turned her so she could see the sunset. "My worst, huh?"


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    She laughed. "Oh, this will so go on the ledger."


    "Which side?"


    "Both." Then she gave me her best stern Imperator look. "So, are you finally going to feed me to Mimic?"


    I stepped up in front of her, leaning her over so I could kiss her on the forehead. "Nah. Maybe gonna feed a little of her to you."


    Her eyes shot wide as more tentacles slipped out of the meadow beneath us. "You would..." I think she meant ''wouldn''t'', but couldn''t finish the word. Mouth full and all.


    I nodded solemnly. "My wife told me I need to practice, and I am a dutiful and attentive wife." I absolutely adored the way her eyes flashed when I said that.


    Hours later we tumbled back into the cuddle pile at Lancaster House. I love you, Goof.


    I love you, Kitten. I snuggled her in closer and thought, so, gonna tell me what you three talk about?


    She wiggled just a little as she giggled. Oh, no, my will is broken, all my secrets laid bare. Totally planning out how we''re going to team up on you once you and Marie and I have had a turn at Siobhan.


    I''m in danger.


    Oh, most definitely.


    Mimic dreamt of the endless western horizon, watching the stars and wondering where her mother was. Fuckin'' moron.


    At the construction site today, Saffron walked me through the process of creating a cylindrical Filtration Ward. It''s not stupidly hard, at least not in a ''takes Mimic levels of Mana to do it'' sense. But it makes my brain twist in uncomfortable ways, because instead of the shape feeling like, y''know, a circle with depth? It''s a sphere with squared off top and bottom. I know that''s not right, but it''s what it felt like. Totally not fair that I couldn''t just brute force it, either, because I was busy brute forcing turning all the boulders Lachlan and Carruthers brought and stacked up into a circle into a single hollow cylinder of stone. Took all day, but by the time sunset rolled around, we had a ten foot tall hollow cylinder of scalding to the touch stone at the base of the tower, sitting on a plate of stone I''d formed in the morning. Saffron stepped down, popped out a Mana Blade, and sliced an arched doorway into one side of the cylinder.


    "Tomorrow you boys can start digging toward this opening from the hill outside, and Tabitha and I will continue placing the tower foundations."


    They looked kinda put out. Then again, I guess they didn''t want to play mole men all day. Still, if they really hated it, they could always just stay home; it wasn''t like Saffron had ordered them or anything. "Wish I could take a turn with you, guys, but I don''t think either of you can do this part."


    They both absolutely threw on fake ''just fine'' faces. "Not to worry, Champion! Linus and I will do our part, regardless!"


    They''re sad they don''t get to watch you, Goof.


    I snerked. Me? C''mon, you''re the hot one.


    Stretch.


    I looked over at her, confused. Huh?


    You''re stiff after standing channeling so much mana. Stretch.


    Weird thing for her to tell me to do, but she wasn''t wrong. I''d pretty much had to maintain a few sorta uncomfortable positions all fuckin'' day long. I rolled my shoulders, laced my fingers together, and pushed my hands upward, twisting at the waist, then bending over backwards until my vertebrae all popped. I groaned as the stiffness of the day dropped away one pop at a time. Something went thunk, and something else made a meaty splurch sound. I blinked and stood up, because that meaty splurch didn''t sound healthy.


    Linus had dropped his shovel. Lachlan had been using a pickaxe, and the pick had poked right through his pant leg into his calf. "Ow."


    I couldn''t help it, the deadpan way he said that just forced a laugh out of me. "You okay there, boys?" While their mouths worked soundlessly, I bent over at the waist, keeping my legs straight, and picked up the tools, extricating the one from Lachlan''s leg as I did. Then I dragged my hand along the side of his calf as I stood, releasing a Heal Injury as I did. "Sorry. Gotta be careful. Larry''d be pissed if I broke his favorite brother."


    Lachlan just smiled at me. "You really think I''m his favorite?"


    I shook my head and pulled him in for a solid back slapping bro hug. "Absolutely, man."


    "Cool."


    I''ve never seen Marie work so hard to not laugh.


    At Lancaster House I sat with Maze while she read, and refereed for Menace''s minions as they did some track and field shit outside. Sprinting, jumping, all kinds of stuff. A twenty month old should not be anywhere near as good as she was at that shit, but here we are.


    Back in the Academy suite office, Saffron laid out some paper and ink, set the back of the chair against the desk, sat me down, and straddled my lap. Her arms under mine, she made some notes before saying, "hands, if you would?"


    Starting at her shoulders, I worked my way down her back, kneading the whole way. "Y''know I''m just gonna wind up here," I said as I got some quality Saffron ass grabbing time in.


    "Of course. Why else would I have sat like this?" she murmured, more than a little bit of her ongoing groan in her voice as I worked my fingers into the hard muscle her bouncy butt squish covered. "Oh, other than this." She pulled back and, one hand on either of my cheeks, kissed me.


    Aren''t you supposed to be working?


    Taking notes on the house today. Plenty of time to canoodle while I survey. If you stop with your hands I will bite you.


    So I wound up with some serious hickies by the end of the day. Worth. Ah, hell, that was way more than half the fun.


    Down in Calverton, I checked on shipments. Cold Iron barrels of non-perishable stuff recovered from the districts, which after we emptied them got filled with food before being shipped back. A few custom items the Universities across the river from the Academy had begun working on, which looked to meet all the specifications Doc Roberts had given them. I spent part of the day down in the turrets just fucking around with shit, because since I''d gotten my damn battleship I''d been too busy to play. Unfortunately, other than necking a little with Saffron when she showed up around lunch time, I had to concentrate on making our tower foundation too much to really have any fun with it.


    Still cool though.


    Not long before sunset I hopped over to the tall buildings. All I managed to announce was, "Attention Miasma sufferers! Restoration! Bridge! Sunrise!" We''d gotten another half dozen this morning, and under my supervision Marie pulled their Souls, Weyson Smited them, and then I Revived them. I kinda wished I could convince myself it was safe enough to bring Saffron here, or maybe have somebody else I trusted with Mimic''s Mana who knew how to Revive, but Marie seemed a little reluctant to do Reviving, and, well, for some reason I didn''t want to plug Sister Siobhan directly into Mimic until after our date. Which meant after Calverton was free, which meant after I no longer needed mass Reviving.


    I think that''s a Catch Twenty-Two. Not sure, but it sucks.


    As sunset approached, I looked up at Marie. "You ready to go home, Murder Mittens?"


    She shook her head.


    "Uh... did you want to maybe head down to the Captain''s quarters?"


    Another head shake.


    I smiled up at her. "Okay, Mittens." I put my arms around her waist. "Take me where you will."


    The next moment we stood on that endless sea of undulating tentacles, and she smiled sheepishly at me as she stepped away and said, "No. You."

 Day Four Hundred And Thirty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    "Grief changes shape, but it never ends."


    - Keanu Reeves


    Kinda like with Teddy, after I found that quote yesterday I started looking for more by my man Keanu, and holy fuck are there some bangers in there. A few of them are hilarious, like just funny as shit, and some of them kinda speak to why I relate to his stuff so much, but more than one was like this. Just short, simple, and holy fuckballs do I relate to this. Like, I think some part of me is still grieving my mom. Some part of me is grieving for the people I killed on the Walls. I''m definitely grieving Garde, and I barely knew her.


    Maybe along with changing shape, grief can glom together and become greater than the sum of the little initial grief that caused it. Or maybe not, maybe it''s smaller than both bits of grief put together, but it''s bigger than either one apart. Maybe different griefs can run together and smush down so they don''t hurt as bad, or maybe sometimes new grief makes old grief get spiky, so they both take up more space than they would otherwise.


    I guess I think about this a lot because along with everything else that fucks with my head, I''ve got grief to deal with that I never really did. Like, yeah, I cried a lot after my mom died, but I never really made any progress. The grief stayed the same, never got smaller or easier to process, and it still pokes at me when I think about it. I... I think I grew around it. Not very much, really. Not until I came here and really started to live life instead of avoiding it the way I did back in Camden. Since then, I''ve just got so much more that I care about, that I don''t think about her that much. And... until Garde, I think that grief had started to change shape, to get maybe a little less spiky, a little less sticky, so that I could think about it and not get torn up and unable to let go. Maybe that''s the hardest kind of grief to process; grief that''s barb shaped. It sticks in and doesn''t just hurt, it won''t let you go, won''t let you put it down to pay attention to something else. My grief about mom, my grief about Garde, both of those were really spiky and barbed. My grief for Garde wasn''t even that big. Just... hard to put down.


    I kinda wonder what my grief about me is like?


    So yesterday went pretty well right up until the end, when Murder Mittens wanted some Mimic lovin'', which wasn''t really a problem, since I am, in fact, both Mimic and her... Mistress? Is that what the other end of a Concubine is? Eh, fuck it. I''m her fianc¨¦. Even if I haven''t asked her yet, so she''s still my Concubine, but I''m her fianc¨¦. I''ve got a ring and everything. I determined to my own satisfaction that she does not in fact have the grip strength to remove it.


    Wonder if she would if she used her claws?


    At any rate, everything was just as freaky fine as you could imagine, even to the point where, a while after sunset I was getting up the nerve to do some really one sided selfish shit, when she looked me in the eye and said, "Sparagmos."


    I froze. "Mittens, you know I love you." She couldn''t nod, because I currently had a very firm grip on her head, but I felt her try to. "I am not ripping you to pieces as some kind of kinky sex thing."


    She shot me an agonized look and whined, "Please."


    I heaved out a sigh, stepped away from her, and turned her back upright and vertical. "Look, we''ve been over this. I didn''t do anything special to Artemis, or Apollo, and Mimic still did her god-eating shit to them. I do not want to tear you apart for a bit of fun and wake up as a Maenad tomorrow." She just looked at me and raised an eyebrow, although I also heard a low whine coming out of her. "Shit, I wouldn''t much care about the ''being a Maenad'' part of it. I''ve got a very flexible personal brand anyway. But," I stepped up, pulling her down and rising until our eyes were level, "I never," I kissed her. "Ever." I kissed her again. "Want to wake up in a world without you."


    She lunged at me, or tried to, teeth gnashing, almost screaming, "Sparagmos!"


    I sighed, pulled Mana, and smacked her with a Heal Injury and a Smite just in case, and then put my arms around her, lowering her face next to my neck. On the opposite side of where Saffron had left a whole mess of hickies, because at the very least I owed Murder Mittens a fresh canvas. "There. You shouldn''t need it for, y''know, healing purposes at this point, right? Now, if you''re gonna bite me, go ahead. I''m not gonna risk you like that."


    Slowly, inexorably, almost gently, her fangs sank into the connection between my neck and shoulder. It hurt, but nothing like what I expected. She didn''t rip and tear the way I knew she could. Her fangs were sharper than I''d realized, and she wasn''t trying to hurt me. Wasn''t trying to injure me. One of her fangs sank into one of my scars, and I think the scar hurt less after she punched through the skin than it had before. Her mouth closed over my shoulder, and her tongue rasped across my skin inside her mouth. She suckled at my neck like that, almost like Saffron had done on the other side, and endorphins rushed through me. After an endless, agonizing, wonderful moment, she pulled away as slowly as she''d bitten me, licking me one more time as she did.


    "Sparagmos?" I opened my mouth to reply, and she nuzzled my shoulder again. Not biting, just nosing where she''d marked me up. Then she bonked her forehead into my shoulder. The one where I still bore Saffron''s impromptu scarification.


    I''m dumb as fuck, but eventually if someone beats me about the head and shoulders with a clue long enough, I can in fact get it. "You want me to mark you." She nodded, pulled away enough I could see her eyes. Which were leaking tears around the edges. I smiled at her softly, trying to figure out how to respond. "Have you marked Saffron up yet?"


    She looked a little shifty, then sheepish, and said, "Yet."


    "Oh, so you''re planning on giving her a clavicle piercing too, huh?" She just grinned at me, her tongue blepped. "You gotta be careful with her, y''know. She is, in fact, Mortal, and even if we''d have a lot more time to fuck around after I Revived her, she likes being Imperator. So let''s not take her job away just for some sex." Marie looked just a little too shifty for my comfort, and I rolled my eyes. "Not even really awesome sex. No. Bad Murder Mittens. Naughty in a bad way Murder Mittens. No Murdering Saffron for funsies, even if she asks us to." Marie raised an eyebrow. "Okay, okay, if she says she''s done with being Imperator, and it''s not just some kind of temporary thing where she needs a vacation, we''ll plan out some kind of orgasm beyond the bounds of Mortality as a retirement gift for her. But not until then, got it?"


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    She just grinned at me and said, "Yes." Then she got a little pouty and said, "Sparagmos."


    "You''re not gonna give that up, are you?" She shook her head. I sighed. "Okay, gimme a second." Kitten? Need you.


    A moment later Saffron joined us. I realized after a few moments I''d just been staring at her, because despite us spending a lot of time sans clothes, I don''t really get that many chances to just, y''know, leer appreciatively. Respectfully even. There were definitely almost thoughts of aesthetic appreciation filling my head, and probably Marie''s too when I realized I was being needlessly selfish and turned Murder Mittens around so she could leer too. "Damn we''re lucky."


    "Yes."


    It had been a long while since Saffron blushed where I could notice, watch, and appreciate it. I think that made her blush harder. The appreciating it. "Well, did you need me here for something in particular, or just to stare at?" She snorted as we both kept staring. "Or did you want me to watch? Or are you working to expand your fine control? You certainly seem to have gained a fair amount of proficiency with your tentacles here in M-Space."


    I snorted. "Yeah, somebody''s been demanding. Multiple somebodies." I fell silent a second as realization struck me. "Are you using stupidly kinky sex to get me to practice controlling The Dark Fatass Herself?"


    Saffron sniffed and looked away. "Like I would do anything of the sort." I paused, waiting, but she didn''t say anything until I opened my mouth to reply. "When have you ever known me to do anything for just one reason?" She turned back to me, Grinning, and flopped backwards. I caught her with half a dozen tentacles folded into a vaguely recliner-like shape. "Aww. Marie looks so comfy."


    "I could make her look a lot less comfy."


    "That makes it even better."


    When my brain and mouth returned to functioning as coherently as they ever did, I said, "seriously, though, I need your help with something."


    "Well, since I''m sure you could apply as many simultaneous Stabilizes as you wanted with all of these tentacles around, I can only think that you need me to be your, what did you call it? Thinking brain human?"


    I sighed. "Yeah. A certain someone will not let go of the idea of me literally tearing her to pieces. As opposed to metaphorically tearing that ass up, which, y''know, I''m down for at any time."


    Saffron nodded, crossing her legs, which had Marie and I both staring in fascinated wonder at the play of her muscles through the squish. "Well then. Since I''ve already made my position quite clear regarding the continued existence of our dear Marie, I guess you''re asking me to find a way to do it safely?"


    I shrugged. "Yeah?"


    Before Saffron could do more than nod, Marie purred out, "Vlickies." and kept purring.


    After taking a deep breath and blowing it out through her nose, Saffron said, "you realize that no matter how well I research, your power, both by its nature and by its potency, means that it will never be completely safe?"


    Marie whimpered a little, and I said, "yeah. Yeah, I get that. Shit happens. But there''s a big difference between ''oh, I thought you could hold your breath that long'' and ''oops I plugged all your breathing holes with silly putty'', y''know?"


    She nodded again. "Just so you understand. Marie?"


    "Yunya?"


    "I swear to you, if it is at all possible for Tabitha to do this thing without undue risk, I will find a way. Until then, no more asking. It upsets Tabitha, more than I think you know. Both that you would ask her when it might take you away from her, and because she cannot fulfill your clearly heartfelt desire."


    Marie sighed, then nodded and said, "Understood."


    "Good." Saffron turned her gaze to me. "And you. If and when I tell you I have found a way? When I tell you how and when to do so? You will remember how long and how patiently she''s waited, and you will give her what she''s asked for."


    "Promise me it''ll be as safe as you can make it?"


    She rolled her eyes. "I love her as much as you do, Goof."


    "I know that! I... I just need to hear you say it?"


    Saffron sighed, then smiled indulgently as she shook her head. "Goof. I promise you, here and now, that when I tell you, it will be the safest possible way, at the safest possible time, that I can possibly devise. Is that enough?" I thought about it a second and nodded. Saffron nodded in return, then slowly uncrossed her legs, then crossed them again with the other leg on top. Then she giggled.


    "What? You got sore thighs or something?"


    "Not nearly sore enough, but I swear, watching both of you tilt your heads from side to side in unison is almost..." She switched her legs back, and laughed out loud. "Tell me the two of you are doing that on purpose?"


    "What?"


    "Doing what?" I said at the same time as Marie asked. Saffron threw her head back into the embrace of her tentacle recliner, clutching at her lovely tummy and laughing.


    After a few minutes of laughing every time she looked back at us, she said, "so, do you both accept that compromise?" Marie and I looked at each other and nodded. "Well then. Since I won''t be able to get back to sleep any time soon, what were the two of you up to before I arrived?"


    "Uh..."


    "Oh, no. No evasion, Goof. If you''re being evasive, I definitely want to see this now. Go on. Marie, do you have any problems with whatever deviltry our Goof had cooked up for you?"


    Before I could say anything, Marie intoned. "None."


    So, blushing fiercely until Marie took away my ability to think enough to be embarrassed, I showed her. Before I could talk, Saffron cooed out, "aww. That''s so sweet. It reminds me of our wedding night." After closing her eyes with a look like she was savoring the memory of that night, which I totally could vibe with, she said, "now, about that practice with controlling more of your tentacles at once..."


    So yeah, turns out there is, in fact, a limit to the number of tentacles I can control at once with any kind of precision. Also that ''lack of precision'' isn''t a deal breaker for either of my lunatic partners. Still, all three of us slept well.


    Mimic dreamt of knitting. Don''t look at me like that. Hypermelanistic orange tabby bitch never makes any damn sense at night.


    Menace brought her kids in to listen to Maze finish up Wintersmith. No idea how she knew it would finish up today, and I''m vaguely embarrassed that my kid seems to be a ''jump to the last page of the book'' kind of person, but what are you gonna do? You love your kids whoever and wherever they are, you don''t try to make them different people.


    Marie and I kept watch from the mast of the Black Dragon. No PSAs today, because the Undead were manning the rooftops before I even got up on the mast. Sixty one percent of a plan in place. Okay, maybe less than that, but I''m ballparking it, okay?


    Along with doing my thing working on the foundations of our hilltop tower, I also got some Endurance training in helping ship a couple things from Phileo to Calverton. For bulk shipping we still had Pesce''s fleet in constant motion, but there were a few odds and ends we needed down south right away, so your girl Tabitha played pack mule. Today reminded me that my first real ''Endurance Training'' in the here and now that really pushed me wasn''t actual physical effort, but Mana Shaping. Also, the boys managed to punch the tunnel all the way through to the foundation of the tower. Poor boys, having to discover that the reward for all their hard work tunnel punching was having to punch more tunnels. Still, they didn''t seem to complain much. I think me being absolutely dripping with sweat might have had something to do with that. No idea what they see in that, but screw it, just because I''m not my type, yada yada.


    Of course, along with all the other shit I had to do today, Saffron decided that instead of working from the Academy suite office, she''d be working from M-Space, resting in a custom fitted massage chair atop the endless undulating sea of tentacles. I didn''t even get to play seat cushion, because she had me practicing Shaping with my tentacles. Specifically trying to shape fucking Stabilize. Which, I''ll remind you, requires multiple digits, of which each tentacle only has one. I very carefully did not take my lack of progress out on my smug Kitten when we broke for dinner after the longest, most frustrating day I can remember.


    I mean, I rewarded myself for not doing so, but that was totally her idea.

 Day Four Hundred And Thirty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    "I''m a meathead, man. You''ve got smart people, and you''ve got dumb people. I just happen to be dumb."


    - Keanu Reeves


    Yeah, I mentioned that some of Mr. Reeves quotes speak to me, and sure as shit this is one of them. I mean, yeah, I get it, I read a lot, and I can almost follow the bouncing ball when Saffron slows her brain down to an idle to let me chase her mental supercar while it coasts to a stop. Which usually leads to me catching her bumper in my mouth and then wondering what to do with it. I mean, other than leaving teeth marks and making her squeal and laugh. I also hope I''m smart enough to outthink a certain unpleasant individual or three, but that might have more to do with what passes for my thought process being so chaotic and random that I can only follow it one time in three, and I''m the one doing the thinking.


    But whether it''s caused by lack of processing power, lack of ability to be coherent, or being easily distracted by food, Saffron, or Saffron covered in food, I am in fact a dumbass. I wouldn''t say I''m a meathead, because that''s got certain connotations that I don''t associate with myself, but I wouldn''t be mad just because someone else called me one, especially after spending some quality time with my favorite pair of himbos. Lachlan might be a meathead, might not, I''m not sure, but Carruthers? Yeah, that man is high quality beef from crown to crotch. Okay, I guess he''s pretty beefy below that, but I''m not really into feet, so I haven''t looked. Also I''ve never seen an attractive guy knee. No idea why. Saffron''s knees are adorable, and the way she reacts to me playing with them puts it high on my list of leisure time activities. Marie''s knees are both complex and intriguing, what with the whole furry feline digitigrade thing, and where Saffron gets all squeaky shading into deep and abiding need for canoodling with intent, Marie just melts into a fuzzy purring fluid, like cats are wont to do. But guy knees? I dunno, man, they''re just kinda there. I guess I ought to put in some kind of official commendation to guy knees in general for playing their part in making me feel like the top of my head is about to pop off in a good way, but the visual? Just not my thing, I guess.


    Wow. I guess somebody gave my moral compass a good solid whack, or maybe topped off the fluids, because it definitely spun around pretty quick from ''I''m dumb, just like my boy Keanu'' to ''sexy times for all'' with a side of ''deep introspection over overlooked body parts''. Which is just more evidence for my point, I guess, about how whether or not my brain is capable of high speed processing, it''s complete inability to stay on task places me squarely in the dumbass section of the mental spectrum.


    So Saffron and I got home a little later than normal, but way earlier than I''d been getting home over the past few. We snuggled into the big old pile of warm bodies, and Saffron murmured, "I love you, Goof," right before she started snoring. I snuggled her in, wrapping myself around her like a body pillow, then dropped off to sleep myself.


    Mimic dreamt of macram¨¦. I got no fuckin'' clue.


    In the morning, one of the other Maenads stood in for Marie as the rest of them converged on her with the combs and brushes and, I think, some claws and teeth and tongues as well. Like, seriously, they were bathing her, not getting freaky, which I appreciated since they were doing it right there as we washed the kids, but it still weirded me out a little. I think it was mainly someone other than Saffron and the kids and I pampering her.


    You okay, Mittens?


    Nostalgic.


    I smiled and nodded at her, just to make sure she knew I wasn''t upset. Previous days the Maenads had gotten themselves pretty well groomed, what with nothing in the Lancaster House suites being shabby, the comb and brush set being no exception. But any grooming of Marie had just been one of them pairing off with her; that just made sense, since it''s way easier to have somebody else comb your hair than it is to comb your own, and when that hair includes fur all the way down your back, that''s just more reason to need a partner.


    But this was obviously the group of them reuniting with... not a friend. The body language didn''t fit that. Not, like, they were enemies or even anything distant, like estranged family or something. No, this was way more like a bunch of siblings pampering... holy shit, I''d just realized, it was totally what the kids did when they all ganged up on her to comb her. The body language was way more formal, a lot more adult, but they still all gave off a ''everybody pampering big sister'' vibe.


    Marie, are you the oldest Maenad?


    She shook her head, which had all the rest looking at me for some reason. I raised an eyebrow, and she sighed. Third.


    Were you, like, the third Maenad ever?


    That got a frown and a sense of deep, heart wrenching loss that had me picking up my current bundled kiddo, walking over to Marie, and putting my arms around her. She took Daya from my arms and snuggled her. The rest of the Maenads had looked a little testy when I walked over, and maybe just a touch murderous when Marie collapsed onto me, but if they thought I was gonna let my Mittens cry without me there to hold her, they could fuck off and die twice. If she didn''t want me here, she could tell me her own damn self.


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    "Six." she sobbed into my ear.


    I held her while the rest of them crouched around us, and all the adult women in the room froze. Well, all except Saffron, who kept scrubbing at some dirt Liam had managed to get behind his ear. "Do you wanna talk about it?" Marie shrugged, so I whispered, "what happened?"


    "Poseidon." I''d never heard quite so much venom in Marie''s voice before. Two of the other Maenads in the room snarled, low and angry, their tails lashing.


    I just rocked her as she held Daya to her chest. "One question, Mittens?" When she looked at me, I asked, "Do I shove his head up his own ass, or do you want me to hold him down while you do it?"


    I''m not sure they took me as deadly serious as I was being, but Marie smiled and snuggled into my neck, where the marks where she''d bit me were still purpling, and purred out, "Watch."


    "You got it, Mittens. Just let me know if you want me to feed him his own arms first."


    At that point that crazy little bastard Liam walked right up behind the Maenad closest to the tub, trailing a towel from my stack behind him. He reached up and gently touched her hip, where her skirts would be if she''d been wearing any, with his fingertips. "Excuse me, Ma''am, but could you help me? Isnomi''s Mama normally does it, but she''s busy right now?"


    I sighed, and Saffron''s quiet voice filled the room. "And so we''re reminded, life goes on, ladies. As it ever does. Let me know if you want to be there when Tabitha corrects the Earthshaker''s existence, or if you''d like any mementos. She''ll be glad to render them for you, but if you tell her before then, she''ll likely forget, and on the day she''s likely to be a touch distracted."


    Before I could even attempt to defend my reputation with the Maenads, kids, or refugee women, Marie purred out, "Truth."


    So the Maenads filled in for me on drying duty while I rocked Marie gently. I stood watch solo today, because our kids all decided she needed to be bundled into bed and fed random shit they brought up from the kitchen. The Maenads concurred, although they brought back way more cuts of meat than pastries. She tried to feed me a couple of them as I held her, but I wasn''t having none of it. Marie pampering day was Marie pampering day.


    Saffron and I went by ourselves to the construction site. "With Marie on ''being pampered'' duty, why didn''t we bring the boys again?"


    She smiled up at me. "Other than not being in the mood to be ogled while I canoodle with you? Or while you practice your fine control?"


    "Uh..."


    "I want you to practice some more today, and they might be a little confused as to why the High Priestess of Loki is commanding Mimic''s tentacles."


    I thought about that for half a second, then said, "Okay, but how would they see them in M-Spa... oh, shit. You want me to bring them here."


    She nodded, then stepped up to me and pressed herself against me. Very distracting. "You hurt yourself doing what you did to Calverton, but the fact remains that you flattened a vast swath of the City." She ran her hands along my arms, raising goosebumps in the cold mountain morning. "That''s not a tool you should allow to lie idle in the box."


    Without moving my arms, I lifted her until I could whisper in her ear, "Are you implying they''ve ever been idle in the box?"


    Her eyelids fluttered shut as she pressed the side of her neck against my mouth. "I was going to suggest some construction work, but... later."


    "Later?"


    "Later."


    Eh, after lunch was later. Oddly enough I managed to get a tentacle to pop out a big fuckin'' Mana Blade, which I used to start carving one of the ''bunkhouse'' buildings into the side of the valley. When the big honkin'' stone cubes cooled enough to move without burning myself, Saffron had me carve hollow cylinders to add to the tower base. My fuckin'' tentacles couldn''t do a proper Mineral Bond to glue all the sections together, so Saffron had me lift her up to do it.


    "Tabitha?"


    "Yeah, Kitten?"


    "Are you trying to distract me from my Shaping?"


    "No?"


    She chuckled. "Oh. Pity. Because if that''s just you not having very good control you need far more practice."


    "Oh, hey, I didn''t say it was accidental. Just that I''m not tryna distract you."


    She finished Bonding the final section I''d created and placed today, then looked down at me from where she dangled about ten feet from the top of the hole. "Enjoying the view?"


    I lifted her up to get a good look at her in the light of the setting sun, then carefully, deliberately, and inexorably undid her jacket and blouse, letting them flutter to the ground as I slipped them free. Then I tipped her face down and watched the jiggle physics drift in and out of wireframe as she squeaked and flailed her arms a little. "Much better now."


    "So, other than ogling me, which you could do anywhere, and you''d probably get a much better look if I were closer to you, did you have something in mind?"


    I nodded. "I like the echo in here. Gonna see how you sound from right in the middle of it."


    "Didn''t you complain about me using sex to trick you into practicing your fine control?"


    "Really kinky sex, and that wasn''t a complaint, that was a surprised realization. You okay up there?"


    Glancing down at her front, she said, "I could use some support. This is very undignified."


    I didn''t mean to sound quite so lunkish, but the chuckle that came out of me was pure Goof lewd. "I like how they bounce."


    She rolled her eyes. "Fine. Shoulder support at least?"


    I wrapped a tentacle around each of her shoulders. "Better?"


    "Better. You''re being awful solicitous right now. Should I be frightened?"


    I leaned back, lounging against my own impromptu tentacle recliner. Fancy movie theater seats got nothing on me for comfort and style, baby. "Hey, I''ve always been about Consent. Informed consent, even."


    "Oh, I know. Should I be frightened?"


    "Do you wanna be?"


    She relaxed into my grip, smiling down at me. "I dearly hope so."

 Day Four Hundred And Thirty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    "I am not handsome or sexy. Of course, it''s not like I am hopeless."


    - Keanu Reeves


    Sir. Oh, sir. Sir, I must protest this vile calumny. This crime against goddess and vajayjay that you have spoken. This base slander of a man who has been the inspiration for the self-actualization and nocturnal self-exploration alike for generations of women. If I must state it plainer, which I really should, since we''re both self-admitted dumbasses, if you were any sexier I would have died of dehydration in my room and the coroner would not have been able to get the smile off of my face. If you were any handsomer, I would have been saving money for the plastic surgery I''d demand my future husband have in order to make him look like you.


    Fuck, if I were able to step back to the world of my birth, I would woo you in a womanly fashion, because you''re pretty.


    I mean, seriously, sir, were you here and now, I would not be speaking. I would in fact be sorely pressed to maintain my own moral standards long enough to ask permission. There would probably be shrieking squees and squeezing and running off to parts unknown with you clutched above my head. I would insist my wife place a room in our new house with the most comfortable chair known to man or god, exclusively for you to sit on while we stared at you drooling and incapable of speech in your magnificent presence. Because I would absolutely share the work of art that you are with my lovely wife, because she too is a woman of culture.


    Yeah, Keanu may be my personal Hilde, in case you hadn''t guessed.


    Weird fuckin'' day today though.


    Last night was restful. Apparently Sister Siobhan decided she wanted to sleep over with us, and I woke up with her and Saffron snuggled under my arms, their fingers interlaced atop my belly. I dunno if the Sister is gonna wind up joining with the three of us as, y''know, a fourth, or if she''ll be more like a prettier, more petite version of Lachlan and Carruthers'' ''friends with benefits'' situation, or... fuck, I dunno, maybe she''ll slot into the Concubine role once we marry the fuck out of Marie. I really tworked my own brain with that thought, what with my general opinion about having a Concubine in the first place being ''oh, fuck that noise'', what with Concubine and Consent not normally being things that coexist. But I haven''t unilaterally ravished Marie without her explicit consent, so I guess maybe it''d be more like a backstage pass, or one of those special badges convention staffers get, that let people know not to be too much of an ass, because they Know Somebody.


    Of course, I couldn''t be all that upset about anything, because as noted, Saffron and Sister Siobhan being the bread for a holy shit I was a thus far platonic Tabitha sandwich. I think I started purring just realizing that. Of course, it might have been just having the two of them snuggled in. Sadly, even though I didn''t move, the purring got loud enough that Saffron started her nuzzling wake up and Sister Siobhan blinked and looked up at me. "Good Morning, Hero."


    "Good Morning. Still not gonna say my name, huh Sister?"


    She smiled up at me. No, she grinned up at me. My wife was definitely a influence on the Sister. Not bad. But... definitely naughty. "You know how to correct that, and I am ready and willing whenever you are, my Hero."


    "Not your Hero specifically," I leaned in to whisper, "yet," into her hair, only to have her giggle into my side.


    Right about then I felt Saffron squeeze Sister Siobhan''s hand, and something about it just left me all warm and fuzzy and gooey. "Good Morning, Ladies. Tabitha, I think you''ve some errands to run today, so lets be about it."


    Nothing super interesting to report about bath time, although Sister Siobhan hung around for long enough to get her bath on. I think Saffron deliberately took her time with the Sister, like making sure I got a good view of everything. Shit, for all I know they''re... no, fuck, they actually straight up told me they''re conniving. Oh, no, first world problems! Whatever, the view was nice, almost as nice as the giggles when I got to dry her off, and the squeak when I gave her a shove on the butt to send her over to Marie to get her habit and robes on. Sans underwear, which really filled me with mixed emotions. On the one hand, she''d made it clear going commando had started with me telling her to minimize her undergarment situation, which made me feel kinda fluttery in the belly. A woman doing that shit not because she wanted to give the girls and the pubes some fresh air, but because she wanted to be ready to get her freak on specifically with me was super flattering. On the other hand, I''d made an offhand flirtatious comment and she''d changed her whole intimates wardrobe. That''s... Not sure I want that kind of power. But I''ve got it, so I just gotta make sure I use it properly. Again, oh, noes, first world problems!


    In class today I took everybody who''d been studying Smite on personalized field trips. Specifically I stepped them down to Calverton, pulled the Soul out of one of the Undead waiting to be restored, let them Smite them, then Revived the poor bastard formerly known as Undead before dropping them off on the Black Dragon. One Cohort of Trolls had been assigned back to the battleship to watch over the restored Calvertonites, quite a few of whom had volunteered to do basic, safe work like scrubbing decks and washing clothes. Nobody quite trusted them enough to let them handle food yet. Baby steps.


    The final Undead of the day I brought Doc Glass down, and when it came time to do the Revive, I said, "would you mind taking care of the Revive?"


    "I... how?" I Shaped a basic Mana Network, holding my hand out to him, and he nodded and took my hand. Then took my Mana to Revive the poor bastard in front of us. Weird, when I Revive somebody they do the whole ''holy shit I''ve just gotten an electrified ice cold caffeine enema'' leap to their feet spread eagled convulsion. When he did it, the guy just kind of shuddered, blinked, and sat up. "Welcome back to the land of the living."


    "Thank you." The guy, who wore the tatters of a leather apron and not much more, sat up and hugged Doc Glass. I gently pried him off, stepped us over to the Black Dragon to drop him off, then hopped us back to class. One quick Assess later, and I had everybody do round robin Cures, because apparently ''no longer Undead'' did not mean ''fully cured of every variety of nasty bug that had been growing in their bodies since last winter''.


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    The me on the mast of the Black Dragon, who''d been letting Marie handle watch while I hopped around the deck and down to chat with the restored Calverton folks, had them all gather on the after deck, then stood on the leather barrel cap that had replaced the cement plug and did a Mass Cure Disease to clean them all up. One or two of them rushed to the rail to start feeding the fish, but most of them looked a lot better afterward. At that point Marie spotted Skasn lifting some cargo onto the foredeck, and I called out, "okay, everybody, looks like something I had the smiths ashore working on has finally made it over here. Follow me!"


    I hopped down and led them to where Skasn had set a bunch of big crates on the deck. I popped the top off of the first one, then waved Orla over. I nodded toward the interior of the crate, and she looked inside. "Champion... is that what I think it is?"


    "Go on, take one. Afraid they''re ''one size fits most'', so they might not be comfy, but..."


    She lifted the first helmet out. It looked the tiniest bit like a simplified Spartan helmet, but simplified to the point where it could have been from any of the Greek cities. None of those had been my inspiration when I described it to Johann, though. Magnus would just have to deal with me biting off his anti-mind-control helmet styling. "This is Cold Iron."


    "It is. From what the Archmage and I can tell, it should interfere with any Liches trying to take advantage of the fact that you guys used to be their puppets."


    One of the guys, by the mess on the front of his shirt definitely one of the ones who''d been good and sick, staggered forward, pushing his way up to us and dropping to his knees. "Champion... please. Please, forgive me. I..."


    I looked down at him. "Master sent you?" He nodded, his eyes on the deck. "Regretting your unlife choices?" He nodded again, weeping. I rolled my eyes, shook my head, and slapped a helmet on his head. Then rapped it with my knuckles, which dropped him to his hands and knees. "You know I gotta keep you in the brig now, right?"


    "I... understand."


    I reached down and lifted him by his chin until he stood more or less upright in front of me. "Not planning on executing you, doofus. You guys all got a shitty deal, and from what Orla tells me, the Master pretty much decided early on that he liked the Lich life more than his old one. But you''re the most recent person we have with insight into what he''s up to. So you''re going in the cage for our generals to squeeze for information."


    He looked up, a look I''d seen so many times back in Camden, someone wanting to Hope but not daring to, because Hope was always a lie. "Truly?"


    I slipped my thumbs under The Dress'' straps, ran them down the inside of the straps as I cracked my neck, and said, "look, you''re probably gonna feel like a badly used sponge by the time they''re done with you, but yeah. I''ll be checking around to make sure you weren''t responsible for any of that skeevy dumping babies in a hole shit, but yeah, you do right by us from now on, you get a second chance. A real one." I nodded to two of my Trolls, who escorted him off to the brig. I''m nice and forgiving, not stupid as fuck.


    I nodded to Orla. "Get the rest of those distributed to folks who are ready and willing to do some heavy labor, because we''ve got some heavy labor to do, okay?"


    "Yes, Ma''am!" She snapped off a salute, then got to work.


    Menace had the kids playing Hide and Seek all throughout the House. I ruled that since Liam was still allowed in the Ladies'' Quarters on account of being, y''know, prepubescent, the Ladies'' Quarters were in fact legal hiding spots. I also ruled that the livestock pens were not, in fact, legal hiding places, because some of the kids were small enough that a fuckin'' sheep might be able to hurt them, let alone a full grown cow or hog. The pens are getting roped off so nobody can ''accidentally'' wander in. Menace''s suggestion, that. None of the human adjacent kids went missing at the end of the day, but one of the small goat kids was. I''m not saying Menace ate a goat, but I''m not saying she didn''t eat a goat, either.


    Hell, maybe she''s got it hidden away somewhere for some new deviltry. I know I did weirder shit as a kid.


    None of that was the weird part. That came with a knock on the Academy Suite door just before dinner. Maze had finished Amazing Maurice about an hour before lunch and started in on Hogfather. Yeah, it''s some deep shit, but I thought she could handle it. She reminds me a little of Susan, really. The knock interrupted her reading. She looked up at me, and in the other room I hooked my chin over Saffron''s shoulder and said, "were you expecting someone?"


    "No?"


    With that I stepped Maze to the office, sat her on Menace''s dust-gathering toddler bed, and stepped back to our front door. I straightened my uniform enough that I didn''t look like a total slacker, then opened the door.


    "Good Afternoon, Champion Diaz."


    "Good Afternoon, Cadet Smith." I nodded politely. My side still twinged involuntarily sometimes when I saw her. No actual long term damage, but when somebody goes ham on your kidneys with a dildo with delusions of swordhood, that leaves a mark.


    "It''s Senior Cadet now." Then she shook her head, saying without words that her correction had been more of a knee jerk thing than any kind of disrespect. Fuck it, not like she hasn''t worked for it. She took a deep breath, nodded as if trying to psych herself up, then said, "it has become common knowledge that you, Tabitha Diaz, Phileo Hero-in-Waiting, Highest Priestess of Loki, Champion of Loki and Champion of the Alliance, have at some point Ascended to Divinity."


    I chuckled, leaning up against the doorframe, a stark contrast to her own ramrod straight posture. "Yeah, rumors get things wrong sometimes."


    She shook her head, another sharp jerk she seemed almost unware of making. "Not in this case. I''ve amassed an incontrovertible body of evidence pointing to that conclusion. I have no doubt that you are a Demigoddess, and no sane, rational person reviewing the evidence would come to any other conclusion."


    I didn''t tense up at that, but I got real still. "That could maybe be taken as a threat to blackmail me or something. Bold choice, coming here alone to do that."


    The moment I said the word ''blackmail'', I knew that hadn''t been her intent. Either that, or she was a way better actress than I took her for, because the sheer horror that swept over her face eclipsed even her normal nearly Lancaster like rectal clenching. "I... I... Never, Champion! I am a loyal daughter of Phileo, and a loyal Citizen of the Alliance! I..." Her voice got real quiet. "I would... I could never consider betraying the Patron Demigoddess of the Alliance."


    I opened my mouth to say something, I''m not sure what, when she dropped to one knee in front of me, head bowed. "I, Senior Cadet Karen Smith, declare you, Tabitha Diaz, Patron Demigoddess of the Alliance, my personal Patron. And I... I..." she stuttered to a stop.


    I lay a hand atop her head, because it seemed like the thing to do. "Go on, Karen. I don''t have a lot of people who I know have declared me their Patron, but I try to do right by them. What did you need?"


    She looked up at me through the hair I''d knocked loose when I carelessly patted her head. Her eyes glistened, although I''m not sure whether she was sad, mad, or glad, and she whispered, "please, Champion... Demigoddess... allow me the honor of being your Priestess."

 Day Four Hundred And Thirty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    "Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things."


    - Keanu Reeves


    I''d never really thought about that before, but it totally makes sense. Like, falling in love is totally about the hormones, the Happy Brain Chemicals that make you feel all fluttery when the object of your affection is around, when they''re paying attention to you, when they do something that makes you feel like they''re into you as much as you''re into them. I guess that covers being ''in love'' as well. The fancy word for it is ''infatuation''. Like, this person is your hyperfocus of the week.


    But... that whole ''object of affection'' thing is... like, the whole problem is ''object''. I mean, I''m down for being maybe just a little bit objectified at times. Object of desire, object of affection. I think part of that stems from what Bonnie talked about in her letter. I grew up knowing I was... superfluous. Unwanted. Useless. Somebody looking at me like an object is intellectually bad, sure, but if they''re looking at me as something they want, that wanted overrides that ''thing'' completely. Wanted. Needed. Useful. So, y''know, that''s part of it, when somebody is just some rando you barely know, but they''re cute, or hot, or funny, or have something else that makes the lady bits tingle, throwing rizz at them to see how they react. If they throw some back, give you that look that says ''let''s rub body parts together and see what happens'', for however long it lasts it overrides that useless feeling.


    But a relationship? You don''t have a relationship with an object. Relationships are with people, who have thoughts and feelings and plans of their own. You gotta pay attention not just to how they make you feel, but how your actions affect them. Like, make them feel and think and affect their plans, not just, y''know, stiff nips and panty drips. Relationships are hard. I mean, the concept isn''t hard. Even a dumbass like me can get it. Communicate honestly, listen openly, do what you say you''re gonna do. That''s three things. Three little things. I mean, yeah, they lead to a bunch of other shit, like ''watch me stuff the eastern seaboard into my cooch'', ''tie me up and fuck the guilt out of me'', and my least favorite, ''rip me to pieces because I want cool body art of your fingerprints''. But that''s... y''know, those are the things that weird me out about our relationship, but it''s really selling shit short to focus on them. ''Snuggle me when it''s all too much''. ''Make me really believe you love the darkest parts of me rather than just tolerating them'', and maybe my favorite, ''include me in your life in every way we can without wanting to throttle one another''.


    I think I got really, really lucky here and now. Because I''m in a relationship with women who love me, who care about me and even take care of me, and I''m utterly infatuated with them.


    So yesterday right before sunset Senior Cadet Karen Smith showed up and dropped her bomb of a request in my lap. I just stared at her, not speaking, hoping she''d take my silence for contemplation of her request. I mean, it was, but let''s face it, when it comes to big brain time, and contemplating seems like big brain time to me, I know exactly which big brain I''m gonna turn to.


    Saffron!


    Yes, love?


    Are you seeing this? It was all I could do not to gesture, lest Karen misconstrue it.


    Saffron snickered in my brain. I am. It''s adorable.


    The fuck?


    Don''t you have that saying in your world? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?


    It took me a second to realize exactly how right she was, exactly how many parallels there were between Cadet Smith right now and my Kitten nearly a year ago. Declaring me her Patron? Yep. Wanting to be my Priestess? Yeah, that too. I am not fucking her!


    That much is obvious, unless you can make your tentacles both invisible and ineffective now.


    No, I meant... Gah. I''m married, getting more married at some point in the future, and already have another chew toy lined up for when the war''s over. I''m swamped!


    Saffron snickered in my ear. Oh, I dunno.


    What?


    You''ve got two hands, a mouth, and a crotch.


    I snorted, shaking my head when Karen looked up at me. I raised one finger, and she froze. How exactly does that last one figure in in terms of me keeping another one of you satisfied? My Kitten''s reply was a mental image of Marie cutting fabric with a set of shears, with a soundtrack of uproarious laughter. Oh, ha, ha, ha. What the fuck do I tell her?


    I hadn''t even gotten to your tentacles, love. You''re nowhere near capacity yet, I''m sure. Be that as it may, however, what do you want?


    I blanked. Huh?


    Do you want Clergy dedicated to you in your person as the Demigoddess of Bloodlust, Justified Homicide, Vengeance, Passion, Ecstasy, and Children?


    I thought about that for half a second before replying, if people start Worshipping me as Bloodlust, as Vengeance, as any kind of Homicide, is that gonna make me get more violent?


    Saffron chuckled quietly inside my brain. Oh, love. ''Start'' Worshipping you? Throughout your Alliance you are already Worshipped. Haven''t you noticed your urges ramping up to match? We certainly have. That last bit came through as an almost mutter; if she hadn''t intended me to hear, I wouldn''t have, but I got the impression she wasn''t exactly complaining. Not exactly not complaining either, but it seemed more like a ''good exhausted'' thing.


    Dafuq? How the fuck do I keep them from doing that?


    She sighed. That ship has sailed, love.


    So there''s nothing I can do?


    Of course there is. I hate to admit it, but I whined at her, and she explained. You appoint Clergy to explain your desires to them.


    Fuck.


    You can do that too. She giggled again. So very flattering.


    I sighed, out loud, and Karen''s shoulders slumped. "There are gonna be some conditions."


    Her head snapped up, and she looked at me with glistening eyes as my whole front tingled. Then she averted her eyes downwards. "Name them, Goddess."


    I reached down, grabbed her by the bicep, and lifted her to her feet. Then I used my other hand to tilt her chin up to look at me. She got the point pretty quick, looking me in the eyes. "Yeah, that''s the first one. I don''t need anybody kowtowing to me, blowing smoke up my ass, or anything like that." When she opened her mouth with a mulish look, I said, "respect is fine. I..." I thought about it a second, "People wanna Worship me. I don''t really get it, but okay, sure, but I don''t want anybody putting themselves down to lift me up." When her mulish look turned to confusion, I shifted my hands to grip her arms and lifted until her head wasn''t all that far from the ceiling. "You see me going down at all?"


    She blushed and gabbled, and I realized right then that my fuckin'' worshippers might be exacerbating my foot in mouth disease. Worse, Saffron was giggling and sending me images of her in a cheerleader uniform, obviously fully behind the idea of me despoiling her rival as some kind of dominance thing.


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    I set Karen back on her feet. "Look, I don''t want anybody making themselves less to make me more." I shrugged. "Kinda the reverse, really. You wanna make me happy? Be the best person you can be. You need somebody to call on when times get tough, or you wanna say I inspired you, sure, I can roll with that, but that bowing and scraping shit is just not for me. Just not the way I want to be worshipped."


    "Yes, my Goddess."


    At that point Sister Siobhan joined Saffron in giggling at me. I hopped down to the Infirmary, popped Glowing Midnight onto her, then popped the ''dress'' part of it off of her. Her giggling slipped into something more like panting, she went red in the face, and she toppled over; I caught her and lay her down on one of the Infirmary beds, pulling a blanket over her and giving her a kiss on the cheek before collapsing back to myself.


    Of course, that little bit gave me an inspiration. "You''re asking me to trust you, Karen. Trust you with some really private shit. Stuff that only my family and lovers know."


    Oh, so she''ll be joining your growing legion of lovers now? I swear, if Kitten didn''t sound so eager, I''d have thought she was getting pissed about it. She probably had some kind of plan to go full on Domme on Karen or something. Seven percent of a plan at most. You only just mentioned you''d be amenable.


    I did not... Fine. If and when she asks me, and I am hereby commandmenting all three of you that you are not under any circumstances allowed to try and manipulate her into asking me, or get someone else to do so. Understood?


    Saffron sighed. You''ll probably faff about just as much with her as you''re doing with Siobhan. I''m still half convinced that you''re going to make us wait until next Summer Solstice for her, you know.


    I grinned, reveling in the certain knowledge that I knew something she didn''t. Fine. She asks, I do. No waiting. But no interference from you lot. Got it?


    So we''re just to wait until your natural allure becomes irresistible to her?


    That''s what I said. She just hummed seven notes, because she is an absolutely adorable little sadist. "Okay, so I''m not making you Clergy quite yet. You''ve got to go through trials and shit."


    She nodded, her eyes dropping then coming back to meet mine. "Completely reasonable. What must I do?"


    I waved her in, and she stepped into the suite. Which, I just realized, meant she stepped into the room with the big double bed. She looked at me, a little bit of shock showing on her face, and I held up one hand, closing the door. "Not that, Karen. Follow me." I lead her into the office, where she and Saffron nodded to one another, then through the door in the back of the armoire. "Son? Are you here?"


    "Yes, Mother?"


    I felt Mana gathering, and barked out, "Stop!" I turned to see Conrad standing between the two of us, smiling at me, obviously ignoring Karen as she straightened from the crouch she''d dropped into. "Good Evening, Son." I pulled him into a quick hug. "You''re looking well. Created anything interesting lately?"


    He sighed and slumped, the whole thing faked, but faked well. "The Spawn has proven remarkably resistant. Still, I''ve not failed yet."


    "I have faith in you, Son. I wait with bated breath to see what you make of it." I paused, then nodded to Karen. "Senior Cadet Smith here has asked to become my Clergy." He lifted an eyebrow, and I said, "I can think of no one else I would trust to design the official Holy Garb for Clergy of Tabitha Diaz, Patron Demigoddess of the Alliance."


    He smiled at the compliment, and even gave me a half bow with one hand pressed to his chest. "Mother, I''m flattered. Of course I would be honored to do so."


    "Thank you, Son." I stepped up close to him, giving him another hug. I whispered, "Don''t think I didn''t notice you pandering to my tastes, Son."


    When I stepped back, he gave me another little head nod of a bow. "Understood, mother." He then turned to Karen, but I stepped forward before he could say anything.


    "So, Karen. You know who this is?"


    Her eyes showing just a little white all around the edges, she whispered, "yes."


    "Good. Really wouldn''t do to have you be too dull to pick up on him being my son after me calling him ''son'' so many times, right?" Her lips drew back in a rictus grin. "This is your first trial. You will remain here, with my son Conrad, until your Holy Garb is ready. Be on your best behavior, I don''t think I can make you my Clergy if you offend my son. Understood?"


    "Understood, Goddess," she whispered hoarsely.


    "Good." I turned to Conrad. "How long do you think it will take?"


    He dropped one shoulder in a gallic shrug. "Perhaps a day, perhaps two." He turned to Karen. "Have you eaten dinner?" Her head jerked once. "Excellent. Mother, could you arrange for a Maid to deliver... three meals, please?"


    Can you take care of that, Marie?


    Yes.


    "Of course, son. I leave her in your hands."


    I stepped out of the Workshop and slid the door shut. Saffron gently set Maze on her feet, then stood and walked carefully over to me. As she did, Marie showed up, scooped up Maze, and disappeared. "Tabitha?"


    "Yes, Kitten?"


    "That was perhaps the cruelest single thing I have ever seen you do." Before I could reply, she leapt on me, lips locking to mine, ankles locked behind me. Goddess please take me now, I beg of you.


    I''m nothing if not an obedient wife. Diapering kids, obeying my spouse, doing housework... I mean constructing a house counts as housework, right? Complete Tradwife, that''s me.


    Slept too well to remember too much about Mimic''s dreams. There was laughter and screaming, and I''m not sure what else.


    Today was mostly full of same old, same old. The Undead had left some roofs clear, so I hopped around on the guarded ones shouting out my PSAs until they got bored and sprung the ambushes on the unguarded ones when I hit a guarded roof nearby. I visited Loki and Sigyn, and we chatted about what I should do regarding Karen.


    I think I got prouder than anything short of Saffron agreeing to marry me when Loki said, "I can think of nothing to add to your plan, Daughter. Kudos, as the Greeks would say."


    Okay, I glowed a little more when Mom added, "you even included your wife in your decision. Well done on all counts."


    The ex-Undead and I did a bunch of cargo moving under the decks while Marie kept one of me as a chew toy. Okay, not so much ''chewing'' as idly licking the spot she''d marked me, but it still left me all warm and fuzzy.


    Maze kept going with the Aching books, and Menace got cranky when I wouldn''t take her on another visit to the Black Dragon. "After Calverton is clear, Menace."


    She gave me a narrow eyed stare for like thirty solid seconds, then smiled, nodded, said, "ah-tay!" then ran off with her crew.


    Right around lunch, Saffron stopped coding and said, "turn me around?"


    I lifted her and settled her back on my lap, straddling my thighs. "This okay?"


    She kissed me, then leaned back smiling. "Perfect." Then she frowned. "I... cannot dictate to you, Goddess. I want to, mind you, but I feel I ought not. So this is a request. Please take it as such."


    "Okay?"


    She nodded. "Do you have additional Trials planned for Cadet Smith?"


    I shrugged. "I''m making this shit up as I go along, Kitten."


    "May we?" When I just stared making confused Tabitha noises, she asked, "may we, your High Priestesses, each give her a Trial to complete?"


    I almost said yes without thinking about it, but then got a sudden rush of brains to the head. "You''re not allowed to fuck her." When she got a bit of a booger look, I amended, "I mean, not as a Trial. I can totally see you getting your Domme on with her and shit and calling it a Trial." She pouted. "Tell me you wouldn''t."


    "I try not to lie to my Goddess that blatantly. Siobhan?"


    I didn''t think about it, I just snapped, "mine first." I shut my mouth a moment too late to keep the words in. I swear, they''d come out totally without conscious control.


    Luckily my insane wife just laughed at me and nibbled on my ear. "Mine second."


    "Agreed."


    "Just like Karen."


    I shook my head, amused and exasperated in equal measure. "After me. I''m not telling her she can''t get her groove on."


    "I should hope not. She''ll be your Priestess after all."


    I pulled back, pulling her back far enough for me to look into her eyes. I might have gotten a little lost in them for a while before I remembered and said, "what''s that supposed to mean?"


    Fortunately for me my Kitten can pick up conversations after my brain lags them. "Passion. Ecstasy. Lust."


    "Bloodlust."


    "Is. Still. Lust."


    I sighed. "It sounds almost like she''s gonna be leading some kind of, I dunno, ritualized fucking."


    Saffron leaned her head against my chest. "Probably more like Revels. Promise me that if they are, we can attend some day?"


    I chuckled and put my arms around her. "You know I can''t tell you no when you''re like this."


    "Yay!" Then she raised her head. "So, that leaves Marie to test her Skills in that regard, and instruct her as needed?" I opened my mouth, and she cut me off, saying, "or are you going to tell Marie who she''s allowed to Revel with now?"


    "You... you totally maneuvered me into that."


    "Yes."


    "I''m not sure whether I''m mad at you or happy with you."


    She Grinned at me. "I am ready to receive my punishment or my rewards, my Goddess."


    "Fuck. Maneuvered yet again."


    She shot me the absolute shittiest surprised face ever. "Oh, no! More rewards! Or punishments!" She raised one eyebrow and blepped for a moment. "And punishments?"


    I snorted, because for the second time in two days my Trickster Brain wasn''t totally fritzing. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. So first of all, you''ve got research to finish. You''re finishing it before we go home tonight." She gabbled wordlessly for a second. "I know how close you are, I can feel you feeling it. You''ve got at least eight hours of daylight left. But I am a kind and generous Goddess, so..." She smiled at me. "As soon as you''ve got that Spell ready? You and I are gonna hit the Love Shack." She nodded, even maybe bobbleheading a little. "Where I''m gonna be the laziest pillow princess to ever make her partner do every bit of the work until said partner collapses from exhaustion."


    She snickered, smiled, laughed, and leaned over to put her mouth next to my ear. Where with one syllable she expressed exactly how badly she''d outplayed me a third time in one conversation.


    "Ding."


    First world fuckin'' problems, I tell you.

 Day Four Hundred And Thirty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    "I''m sorry my existence is not very noble or sublime."


    - Keanu Reeves


    Yeah, I feel you man. I''ve seen nobility, like maybe even the actual thing with New And Improved Larry and Lachlan, in the here and now. I sure as shit ain''t that. I''m not the chick who stands up top like Satsuki and inspires everybody to go do unto others by my beauty and poise. I''m not the wise ruler who dispenses justice and mercy upon the deserving. I haven''t even got the ''noble scar'' shit right; mine make me look more like ''might not actually be a rapist highwaywoman'' than ''noble warrior queen''.


    Sublime... fuck, sublime is even harder. And part of the reason I''m not noble or sublime is how my fuckin'' sense of humor wants to turn that into a dick joke. Despite being our family''s Moral Compass, I''m not particularly worthy. I think the best moral value I''ve got is ''Consent'', and even there I''m down for some shady shit when my Kitten gets purring. Sense of grandeur or awe? Yeah, nobody''s ever looked at me and had any sense of awe. Sure as fuck nobody but maybe Saffron saw me and thought ''beautiful''. Shit, I think ninety percent of the reason Marie is with me is because I can party as long and hard as a Maenad without actually being, y''know, a Maenad. Cue my inevitable urge to make a dick joke yet again.


    Twelve-year-olds are neither noble nor sublime, and my inner moppet is perpetually twelve and sounds like she ought to be sitting next to Beavis and Butt-Head on the couch. Yes, Tomoko is my inner child, and I''m mature enough to admit that.


    Eh, I guess I inspire the most noble, sublime woman I''ve ever met to be the best version of herself. If at the end of the day all I wind up doing is convincing somebody with the actual skills the world needs to do the right thing, maybe that''s enough.


    I really hope it is.


    Today was pretty calm.


    Started out with Kitten turning my brain into mush by releasing all the Happy Brain Chemicals and agitating vigorously, rinsing and repeating until I lost track of time and space and drifted off to sleep. I swear that woman has been bingeing the cultured kind of anime and must think my internals are made of pudding. I mean, I can''t exactly prove they''re not, and it presses all the right buttons for me, so I''m not complaining, but it''s just weird when I think about it. Fortunately ''thinking'' isn''t something I''m prone to do while being done by my tiny tyrant, so it''s all good.


    Mimic dreamt of thousands of little psychedelic tadpoles writhing around under her continent spanning ass.


    During morning bath time, while Saffron took special care while scrubbing my shoulder puncture wounds, ''to make sure they scar properly'', I murmured, "do you need to test anything?"


    "No."


    I nodded, only to have her gently thwap my head to the side so she could keep working on my shoulder. "Cool. Hope it all works the way we think it will."


    "It will."


    "You mind if we take a break on the training today? I''m just... I dunno. Not feeling it. Need a little bit of a break."


    "As you wish, love."


    Standing atop the Black Dragon''s mast, I pulled an extra set of binoculars out of storage, and Marie and I confirmed that every rooftop we could see had a Lich, a few Dire Snipers, and a small group of Zombies. A couple of the taller ones had Death Knights as well. While we worked, I murmured, "how many of those... uh... amuse bouche things do you know how to make?" She gave me a little bit of side eye, one eyebrow raised. "Uh, little finger food appetizer things?" I sent her mental pictures of stuff like deep fried mozzarella sticks, French fries, onion rings, even those little chocolate coated cookie sticks. Yes, I know those aren''t really amuse bouche, but I couldn''t think of the word ''appetizer''. Yes, I know the word amuse bouche, because first of all my pre-Isekai trunk got all that junk from something, and the reaction when I''d look at a guy''s cock, call it an amuse bouche, then watch it get way more than one bite when they realized what I was implying made my inner Tomoko smile. Yeah, I was a fuckin'' hellspawn, but I own that shit, and I never bit anybody who didn''t ask to be bit.


    At any rate, she smiled and nodded, then said, "When?"


    "Uh, maybe a tasting menu on Thursday?" She nodded, and we went back to watching. I stepped one of me down to the deck, then made my way down to the engine rooms. Running my hand across the boilers as I walked past them, I whispered, "not yet, you big beautiful beasts. Not any time soon, really. I''m sorry. I''ve been busy. But as soon as I can."


    Back at Lancaster House, before she started reading, I pulled Maze aside and said, "you''re gonna be playing with Menace tomorrow, right?"


    "Yes?"


    I hugged her and said, "no problems. Are you okay refereeing them now?"


    She shrugged. "I don''t always referee on Wednesdays."


    "I know that." I waited until she realized what I meant, then nodded and smiled. "I want to be sure you''re gonna be okay if I''m not always shadowing you. Also, you know if anything goes horribly wrong I''m counting on you and her to keep everyone else safe, right?"


    "Me?" she squeaked quietly.


    "You''re smart, Horse Girl. Yeah, Menace can probably turn anything violent into so much ground meat, but when it comes to not rushing into danger, she might be a little lacking."


    She gave me one of those not really exasperated but sorta little kid looks, lay a hand on my forearm and said, "We''ll be fine... papa." She smirked up at me, and I scooped her up and carried her over to the bed to sit down and start reading.


    Kinda weird how different context can make things. Maze sitting on my lap to get a little bit of height and a big dollop of confidence to read to the rest of the suite dwellers was cute. It took everything I had not to snuggle her and tell her how adorable she was and how proud I was of her for doing it. Saffron sitting on my lap, on the other hand, was an absolute endless font of distracting adult impulses, as every squishy bit of her that wasn''t pressed against me was actively being squished and fondled by my rope dart ropes. Okay, not the really good bits, because she still had work to do today. Franklin''s Inspect wasn''t gonna rewrite itself.


    "Y''know, we could do this elsewhere and you could have an entire chair to yourself."


    "I like your lap."


    That kinda surprised me, and my mouth took off on its own. "My lap is all muscle at this point. Hard like rock. Shit, I think Marie''s had to replace the gussets on my uniform pants at least three times since the Solstice, and I don''t even wear those that often. Meanwhile if we relocated to the new house or elsewhere, you could be resting on custom contoured squishy bits. Vibrating ones even."


    She twisted at the waist to give me all the side eye. "I like. Your lap."


    Before I could formulate a reply, the door in the armoire slid open. "Mom? Could you come in here for a moment?"


    I moved to stand up, but Saffron Co-Located behind me and laid her hands on my shoulders. "He called for me, love. I''ll let you know if we need you."


    I sighed, but nodded. If Karen had failed her Trial, I''m not sure I really wanted to know exactly what he''d turned her into. Not yet. I had to focus on other shit at the moment. "Ask him if the bow is done?"


    "Bow? As you wish, love." She walked off to the armoire, the her on my lap continuing to code. A few moments later her voice leaked out of the Workshop. "Oh. Oh, my, that is... perfect son. Is it complete?" A murmured maybe denial, followed by, "Is that... what is that?" Conrad said something that didn''t quite carry out to me, and Saffron asked, "is it?"


    "Oh, absolutely, Mom."


    She murmured something to him, and then, Love, I need your attention, please.


    I focused on her and thought, all available braining resources set to Kitten.


    I got the sense of a chuckle and a mental caress before I saw the inside of the Workshop. Karen stood on the modeling stand, balanced on the ball of one foot in the center of the main platform, her other foot propped up on a step like two feet above that. With her head tilted back and her hands to her sides, she looked not unlike someone descending from above, or rising in religious ecstasy. I thought about my Domain in relation to that last and got a weird kind of stomach butterfly, part weirded out by someone feeling that way about me, part... really not weirded out about someone feeling that way about me. It absolutely did not help that she was completely naked, and the traceries where lingerie had obviously been pressing into her did not reduce that even the tiniest bit.


    Weirdest of all was her hair and eye colors, vibrant red and green, respectively. She even had freckles. "The fuck?"


    Saffron called out, "Son, why are her hair and eyes that color?"


    "I cleaned them before starting my work."


    Saffron tilted her head and said, "why?" When Karen didn''t answer, she called out, "son, may she speak?"


    "Speak, yes, but she may not move other than that."


    Before Saffron could ask again, Karen spat out, "don''t tell me you of all people don''t understand wanting to hide your ancestry?"


    Saffron nodded. "No, I do. While I became more open about it once I met Tabitha, and have dared anyone to make an issue of it once I became Imperator, I understand. Scots?"


    "Yes."


    "I don''t quite understand why you would need to hide that?"


    Karen swallowed, like she wanted to spit or move her head or react in some nonverbal manner before saying, "of course not. You''re Bag. No offense, but you wouldn''t have gotten into any of the social settings where being Scots, even Scots with plenty of Dan blood, would make you a social pariah."


    "I probably would not have. You will not dye it again, nor do whatever you did to hide your eye color."


    "Excuse me, is that an order from my Imperator? I cannot see how that is legal, unless I''m to be an operative in Scotland?"


    Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.


    Saffron smiled and shook her head. "No, Karen. This is your Goddess'' wife instructing you on her dogma. Which is to be your second Trial, by the way."


    "I know who you are, High Priestess of Mimic. You will not deceive me, will not corrupt the doctrine of Tabitha with Mimic''s desires."


    From behind her eyes I felt Saffron''s gut clench a she forced herself to keep a straight face. "You would protect Tabitha from Mimic?"


    Karen''s eyes flashed. "I would!"


    "Then perhaps I''ve underestimated you, and you are a worthy Highest Priestess for Tabitha. For my wife. For the woman I would die for, would live for, who gives my life meaning. Who I would turn my back on my Goddess for, if such a thing were possible."


    That last one obviously shook Karen. "I..."


    "Love?"


    From my seat in the office, I hollered loud enough to be heard in the workshop. "I can hear what she''s saying, Karen. I''ll interrupt if she gets something wrong."


    Karen didn''t move, but Saffron saw some of the tension leave her body anyhow. "As you wish, My Goddess. Instruct me, Imperator."


    "High Priestess, if you must. But you, who would defend my Wife from my Goddess, may call me Saffron, if you wish." She waited a tick, but Karen just stared down at her.


    She can''t nod, Kitten.


    I know that. I just wanted to see if she forgot.


    Ooh. Mean. Mean, mean, mean.


    You love it.


    I do. Go on.


    "To begin with the reason you will not hide your origins any longer, your Goddess'' second most dearly held Value is Egalitarianism. As such, you will embody it in yourself and demand it from others. You will judge them on the choices they make freely, not their origins. Do you understand?"


    Karen blinked. "Are... are you serious?"


    "As fuckin'' cancer, Karen!" I called out from the other room.


    Do you want to do this?


    Nah. Too much like work. Just tryna support my wife.


    Your thighs are doing a lovely job of that already, Goof. I''ll let you know if I need you. "Now, before we move on, as you might imagine from her less than law abiding nature, Tabitha believes in Values more than Rules, Laws, or even ''Morals''. Trust that if you are confused about how her Values should apply to a situation, she will give you instructions, but also trust that she would prefer you to choose your own way to embody and support them."


    "Why?"


    Saffron smiled and nodded. "The question that makes Tabitha''s gut clench with fear, and one she adores hearing nonetheless." Before I could do more than bark out a half-formed mental denial, Saffron continued. "The reason why is because of the Value she holds most dear: Agency. It is the choices we make as people which determine who we are, whether we deserve exaltation or destruction. Not what we look like, or where we were born, or even what we believe or who we Worship."


    "Wait, what?" Karen sounded more than a little disbelieving. Not surprising, what with ''it doesn''t matter who you Worship'' not being an expected line when one High Priestess is training another one.


    "You are about to hear something no one outside of the Expeditionary Force and some people in the Advanced Healing class know. The first adult Undead Tabitha restored was in fact a lay Priestess of Ares."


    Dafuq?


    She was, possibly is, love. Please don''t jostle my elbow. "I am not privy to whether Lord Ares has accepted her back into his fold. It is my fervent hope that the High Priestess of an entirely different Deity might convince her to convert. But she is a warlike woman, I cannot see her converting to any pacifistic or utilitarian Deity."


    "Would Tabitha be sufficiently warlike?"


    "She is a kind, caring, loving woman. Far kinder than I, by nature. Her most cherished domain is Children. I have never known a more devoted mother than my wife." Hush. "That will be another of your Trials, by the way. To be administered by Isnomi Aetos-Diaz and her sisters."


    "My worthiness is to be judged by a child?"


    "How else is Tabitha to know that you have the capacity to care for them?"


    Karen sighed. "What if motherhood is not in my nature?"


    Saffron shrugged. "Not every Priestess, not even every High Priestess, is identical in nature to their chosen Deity. Over time you will become so."


    "So you have become more Mimic-like?"


    Saffron smiled up at Karen. "As she is kinder, loves harder, and revels in life far more easily than I do? I most fervently hope so. Shall we continue?"


    "Of course."


    "Good. Her next most embodied Domain is Passion. I... I often wondered, when we first met, at what tied her together, what explained her actions, and if anything, it is that. She Revels, both literally and metaphorically, in those things which she desires, enjoys, and believes in. Are you Passionate, Karen?"


    "I believe in Phileo, in the Alliance, in Tabitha with all my heart."


    Saffron swallowed another chuckle. "That''s a start, then. Her next Domain is Ecstasy. As you might imagine, that often ties in with Passion. Most frequently with the physical aspects of Passion. Tell me, Karen, do you enjoy dancing?"


    "I... yes?" I could tell by her answer that Karen hadn''t expected that particular verb.


    "Eating?"


    "When the food is good."


    "Fair. Fucking?"


    Karen choked a little, but answered, "doesn''t... doesn''t everyone? I guess?"


    Saffron rolled her eyes. "Are you a virgin, Karen?"


    "That''s a very personal question."


    "Being a High Priestess is a very intimate position. Your answer either way won''t disqualify you, but refusing to answer will. Have you had sex?"


    Karen sighed. "Yes."


    "Did you enjoy it?"


    Now she grumbled. "No. Not really."


    "Hmm... you''ll need to at the very least be capable of representing Tabitha well during Revels. You''ll want to develop Skills along those lines eventually. Possibly at dancing or cooking as well, since you seem more Passionate about those than about fucking."


    Karen''s freckles got a little more pronounced as she blanched. "How am I to learn such Skills?"


    "You could ask any happily married person you''re intimate with enough to ask. Or hire someone. Or ask a favor of someone who has those Skills."


    "I... do not know any married couples well. Definitely not intimately. I suppose..."


    "You will. Being a High Priestess is, as noted, an intimate connection."


    Karen blinked. "What?"


    I couldn''t help myself. From the other room, in my very best over the top o-voice, I moaned out, "oh, fuck, oh, fuck, oh, Saffron, don''t stop, harder, harder, faster, deeper, fuck, Fuck, FUCK, SAFFRON!"


    Tabitha!


    I''m helping! I nudged Saffron''s eyes up toward Karen, who looked down at her with a kind of horrified awe.


    "Well then. My schedule isn''t terribly free, but to assist my wife''s High Priestess I will, of course, find time to assist you should you need it. Now. Do you enjoy Fighting?"


    "I will gladly fight in the defense of Phileo, the Alliance, and the Worshippers of Tabitha Diaz!"


    Saffron chuckled. "Not quite what I asked, Karen. Tabitha''s next Domain, one she embodies in ways that sing to the darkest parts of My Dark Mistress, is Bloodlust."


    "Bloodlust... do you mean?"


    Saffron nodded. "You might have hurt your chances with her far less than you think by thrusting that blunt object into her guts so passionately in the Training Yard." Karen just stared, a little horrified. I was more than a little horrified myself, and I was the one who had done all that shit. But... my Kitten wasn''t wrong. That was part of who and what I was. I''m not sure how indelible a part, but I had to own it, or it would wind up owning me. "That is the first of the Domains she requires you to exert the utmost control over."


    "Lust?"


    Saffron chuckled. "No, just the Bloody part."


    Hey!


    You''ve always been lusty, love. And I love every surge of urges that courses through you, from the slightest desire to nibble on waffles to the most rapacious desire to claim each and every one of Siobhan''s orifices as your own. Even inside my head that declaration made me a little speechless, and Saffron continued. "It ties in with her other two Domains, Vengeance and Justified Homicide, which themselves lead to her final core Value. But before we get to that... While Vengeance and Justified Homicide are two of her Domains, they are parts of herself that she keeps locked down unless absolutely needed. You, and by extension her Worshippers, would do well to remember that."


    "When can murder be justified?"


    "Murder. Rape. Slavery. But not just that; when someone has not only committed crimes, but continues to do so. When confronted with their crimes and they make it clear that they will not or can not stop, and there is no other way to stop them? That is when Vengeance, when Homicide is Justified. And then, and only then, may you and must you embody and release her Domain of Bloodlust. You will be Vengeance personified, and you will Revel in it." She paused. "Will you do that?"


    "I... I will."


    "Can you do that?"


    "Of course?"


    Saffron shook her head. "That will be another of your Trials. Marie, Head Maenad Maid of Phileo City Heroic Academy, Champion of Dionysus, and High Priestess of Mimic, will test and if need be train you."


    "In... in what?"


    "Fighting. Fucking." Saffron tilted her head. "Maybe cooking, if you''re lucky and you ask her nicely."


    "I... I cannot hope to outfight a Maenad, let alone a Champion."


    "Oh, you think you can outfuck her?" Karen''s head sagged, and Saffron''s hand shot up. "Hold, Son," she whispered, then said, "raise your head, Karen Smith, would be Highest Priestess of Tabitha Diaz. You need not defeat her. Simply impress her."


    Karen''s head snapped back into position, and Saffron made no mention of the tear tracks running down her face. "I can... I will try."


    "That is all we can ask. If you try and fail? Ask again. Try again. Because that is the final Value our Tabitha embodies. Redemption. Second. Chances." She said those two words to Conrad, who rolled his eyes, but I noticed the tiny smile hiding beneath his scowl. "Tabitha believes in them so strongly that she has done what so many, for so long, thought impossible. She has restored the Undead to life, and sent the Souls of others to Hades and Hel, where they have not been summarily rejected."


    "She... she has such power, such influence already?"


    Saffron smiled up at Karen. "She is Hel''s adopted sister, and for the first time in an Age, Hel has psychopomps to guide Souls to her." At Karen''s confused look, Saffron explained, "the Maenads are fond of our Tabitha, and delivery of followers deemed unfit for Valhalla is not as... arduous a task as delivering Dionysus'' followers to Hades. Speaking of, Hades is not yet convinced that the formerly Undead deserve rest in Hades, but he has provisionally allowed them to remain, rather than sending them directly to Tartarus as Zeus would prefer."


    "I... how am I to reconcile Bloodlust and Homicide with Redemption?"


    "That will be another of your Trials. Sister Siobhan, Healer of Phileo City Heroic Academy and High Priestess of Mimic, will test your ability to Heal even the most egregious of wounds, even death itself, and train you in the Shapes and Spells needed to do so should you require such training."


    "I am... to Revive those I''ve slain? Executed for crimes?"


    "Should you feel they can and should be Redeemed? Yes."


    "But... who will... am I to pay that price?"


    Saffron stepped up to the platform, lifting one hand to cup Karen''s cheek. "Should she ask it of you? Yes. But do remember, long before the Battle of the Walls, when her friend lay dead, she bore that cost herself, willingly and without hesitation." Karen''s eyes watered a little until Saffron smiled and said, "do you think she would do less when her High Priestess calls upon her aid?"


    Karen stood there for a moment. "I understand."


    "Are you sure?"


    "Yes."


    "Well then. In order of importance from greatest to least, what are Tabitha''s most cherished Values?"


    "Agency, the right to choose. Egalitarianism, judging others by their choices and not their origins. Redemption, allowing others to turn away from harmful paths, to make whole those they have wronged."


    "Fair. What are her Domains, from least to greatest?"


    "Justified Homicide. Vengeance. Bloodlust. Ecstasy. Passion. Children."


    "Excellent. And what are the Trials you must complete to earn your place as Tabitha Diaz'' Highest Priestess?"


    "I must remain with The Weyland Smith without causing him offense until he has completed my Holy Garb. I must learn my Goddess'' Values and Domains to the satisfaction of her wife, The Imperator of the Alliance, High Priestess Archmage Saffron Aetos-Diaz. I am to learn to Heal, that I might Redeem even those I have struck down, from High Priestess Sister Siobhan Darling, Healer of Phileo City Heroic Academy. I am to..." Karen stuttered to a stop and swallowed, "I am to contest with Head Maid..."


    Hurr Hurr Hurr Head Maid.


    Hush, you.


    She is really good at it though.


    The rest of Karen''s recitation had a background of Saffron''s mental snickers. "High Priestess, and Champion Maenad Marie of Phileo City Heroic Academy, to prove my fitness to represent Tabitha on the field of battle," she swallowed, "and in Revels." She paused, and Saffron raised an eyebrow. Karen blinked, then said, "finally, I am to prove a fit caretaker and companion of Children, my worthiness in this most important of endeavors to be judged by Isnomi Aetos-Diaz, daughter of the Patron Demigoddess of the Alliance, Tabitha Diaz."


    Saffron nodded, smiled, stepped up one step, and stood on tiptoe to give Karen a quick peck on each cheek. "Absolutely correct, Senior Cadet Smith... or should I say Novice Karen, since you have now passed my Trial." Karen sighed, and started to slump. Saffron tapped her cheek with a finger. "Your first Trial is not yet done, Novice. I would hate to see you fail now. And while Tabitha is quite insistent on second chances, I''m not quite so sure how she feels about thirds."


    Probably depends on the circumstance.


    Oh? So if Artemis disobeys you, you''d give her another chance?


    I shrugged, then whispered to Saffron as she collapsed into herself, "depends on why she did it, really. I mean, probably not. Bitch had our daughter killed. But, y''know...?"


    "If she can be redeemed, maybe I can, too?"


    I spun her around to face me. "Why would you need to be redeemed?"


    She chuckled as we heard the armoire door slide shut. "Oh, my love. I have ever been more evil than you. But..."


    "Butt?" I squeezed.


    She laughed aloud. "Yes, love. You give me hope that I can simply be... dark. Sultry. Deliciously decadent and unrepentantly, voraciously, ecstatically passionate, like my Goddess herself."


    I sighed and pulled her to me. "Yeah. Yeah, I could live with that."


    She held herself back, one eyebrow arching. "For how long?"


    I smiled up at her. "For as long as you''ll have me."


    She Grinned, and breathed into my mouth, "Good Girl."

 Day Four Hundred And Thirty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    "Don''t tell people how to do things, tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results."


    - George S. Patton


    SURPRISE, LICHES!


    So yesterday once everything wound down I pulled Saffron, Marie, and Sister Siobhan back to the Love Shack. Sister Siobhan looked around at the three of us, Marie and Saffron sitting on the divan, me on end of the bed, and squeaked out, "so soon?"


    I rolled my eyes. "Does this look like a Date to you?"


    The tiniest of grins curved her lips. "It could be."


    I stood up and took a step to where she stood in the middle of the room. I hadn''t really thought about how I''d placed her in the middle like that. Or why. Although I''m not a complete idiot, and realized pretty fuckin'' immediately that she was, in fact, taking up a lot of our attention right at the moment. I wrapped one hand around the back of her neck, head bunted her, and said, "yeah. Yeah, it could, and maybe someday we''ll invite you to a party purely as a favor. Fuck, no maybe about it, if you''re down for it I''ve even got just the perfect occasion. But that''s for fun and games. The first time, our first date, is gonna be as special as I can make it." I paused, gave her a quick peck on the forehead, and said, "y''know, after I fucked up by spoiling the whole dancing Kraken thing."


    She slipped her arms around me and lay her head on my chest. "You did not spoil that, Hero. In truth I think some part of me considers that a date, even if you say it wasn''t."


    Too quietly for her to notice, Marie and Saffron got up and crept over to us. First Saffron, then Marie put their arms around us, until we surrounded Sister Siobhan in a gentle, supportive, inescapable embrace. "Yeah, well. With all the fuckin'' Undead I didn''t have as much attention to spare to get your ever more imminent deflowering as perfect as I wanted."


    "Ever more imminent?" She tilted her head back to look up at me.


    I smirked and nodded. "Kinda why I brought you three here today. I need to be at my absolute best today."


    Saffron''s expression melded the absolute most hilarious parts of a gleeful grin and a frustrated frown. "That would have been nice to know. Preparation and all."


    I leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead as well. "Sorry, Kitten. What''s the over-under on you preparing enough that the Master Lich noticed?"


    She sighed, nodded, and said, "point taken." Then she turned to Marie and nodded again. "If you would be so kind, darling Marie?"


    With that Marie disentangled herself and me from the embrace, picking me up and setting me on the bed, rearranging my legs until I sat tailor fashion. While she did that, Saffron led Sister Siobhan up the steps onto the bed, settling her on her knees in one corner next to the headboard, then moving to the other corner and settling herself down. Marie knelt in front of the bed, although her eyes wound up almost level with mine. My Murder Mittens, she tall. "Anything special I ought to be doing, ladies?"


    From behind me and to the side, Saffron said, "close your eyes and just... feel, love. Lights, zero." The familiar tingle of Worship came in from each of them. It swirled around me, each of them amplifying the others. Then it hit some kind of critical mass and the whole thing ramped up. When I pulled Mana from Mimic, it always felt a little like burning myself for power. This... this felt like someone loading fuel into me. Liquid, solid, gas, even fire itself flowing into me in an orderly maelstrom focused on me. When I closed my eyes, darkness had enveloped me, but light gradually filled my vision.


    At some point I slipped into a waking dream of Mimic. Her High Priestesses, all decked out in Glowing Midnight with Chef Hats and Jackets, walked widdershins around Mimic''s Maw, stirring it like a giant cauldron, while an endless stream of super-chibi sous chef beans spiraled in from every direction, pulling ghostly copies of my High Priestesses from within their skirts before leaping into the cauldron clutching them. It was... look, I don''t want to say ''orgasmic'', because it was absolutely not sexual, but... Holy fuckballs it was absolutely orgasmic. I now understood what people meant when they called a meal ''better than sex''.


    Understood, not agreed.


    As I felt the sun approaching the horizon, I stood, stretching each limb and my back as I lifted myself off the end of the bed. I opened my eyes to find each of my lovely ladies almost within touching distance. Okay, Marie was definitely within touching distance now that I''d stepped forward. Almost in kissing distance, really. So close that the glittering, gleaming light in the room showed how hard she had to strain to keep herself upright. I stepped into her, bending her neck forward and to the side even as she tried to remain upright. Gathering the skin and fur at the back of her neck, I Shaped a Stabilize, then took her scruff into my mouth and bit down. She tensed. I bit harder. Harder still, and she just collapsed, dangling from my jaws like an exhausted kitten. As slowly as I''d ever done lighting a fire with a Fire Bolt, I released the Stabilize into her, feeding it to her until the tips of her fur sparked and the ends of her hair flared outward from static. I let go of her scruff, then had to catch her by the shoulders when she lunged at me.


    "Not yet, Mittens. You''re my GOTH plan today. Along with shuttling people around when I need you to." She pouted, and I consoled her with, "oh, don''t be that way. After Sister Siobhan''s done with her, you get to give Karen her Trial." That got a tiny bit of an upward lip quirk into the pout, so I stage whispered, "not to mention having your way with Sister Siobhan once we''re done with her."


    Marie swiveled her head to stare right at Sister Siobhan, winked, and growled out, "Soon." Somehow Sister Siobhan''s nervous giggle made me think they were not talking about the same assignation I was talking about.


    I reached out behind me, snagged Saffron under her arms, and pulled her over to me as I turned. She smirked up at me. "So proficient with your tentacles now, love."


    "Thanks, Kitten. Some things I just prefer to do manually, though." I gathered her into my arms, one slipping around her ass and the other hand sliding up behind her neck, tentacles twisting around behind her to support her sweaty, exhausted frame. I probably should have been as slow and careful at that point as I had been with Marie, but... Saffron. Always Saffron. I lunged, taking her mouth with my own, pouring Mana into her so fast that it spilled out of her lips no matter how fast she gulped it down. Her arms wrapped around me like a vine, and when she yanked at me I held strong, holding her down and pulling away, laughing with absolutely horny joy as I saw sparkling strands of Mana literally dripping from the corners of her mouth. "Drooling''s only okay if you''re stupid or really, really hot, and you my love are not stupid in the slightest, and if we didn''t have shit to do I would so be doing you instead." When she raised one hand to her mouth, I caught it by the wrist. "Please. For me. Fix everything else if you want, but leave that as it is?"


    She smiled up at me, the expression almost manic, and said, "no hands, but I am doing this." Then she slowly and deliberately ran her tongue over her lips, her eyes slipping closed as she swallowed.


    "Uh... yeah. You... yeah. That''s good... great. Holy fucking shitballs we have shit to do today, Kitten."


    "I''m aware, and you''ll forgive me my little passive attempts to nudge myself onto that list?"


    I shook my head, a convulsive twitch. "Yeah, no, you are gonna pay in full for each and every one of those when I get around to it."


    "That makes it even better!"


    Being so full of Mana that I lit the entire room up was like being full of life, of energy. Every emotion, every sensation, was that much more intense. Her little singsong left me panting, with a grin etched onto my face as I set her on her feet, where she immediately began setting herself to rights.


    I turned to Sister Siobhan, only to find her kneeling right on the edge of the bed, eyes closed, head tilted back, mouth slightly open. Strands of her hair that had escaped her habit lay lank around her shoulders, sweat dripping into her cleavage, molding her thin robes to her breasts. Her hands were molding the rest of it to her as I watched. I caught her forearms, and she leaned toward me. Pulling both of her wrists together in my right hand, I held her face inches from mine before slowly, slowly pushing her back. "Not yet, Sister. But your enthusiasm is noted, appreciated," I reached up with my other hand and booped her nose with my left thumb, pouring Mana into her. Slower than I had into my Kitten. I didn''t want to corrupt her. Yet. "And will be rewarded in due time."


    Her eyes slid open and she stared up at me. "Soon?"


    I tilted my head from side to side. "I have a City to free. You have a Novice to train. When both of those are done, properly?" She practically bounced with anticipation and energy as the free stands of her hair flowed down, a cascade of snowy icicles. Okay, I assumed icicles, because something was definitely making her nips hard enough to cut plate steel. I growled out, "You''re next." I swear she looked so much like an eager puppy being told it gets walkies and treats both that it was all I could do not to give in right there.


    But, as I''ve said before, even some times when, like now, I really wanted to kick my own ass for saying it, I am a Mature Woman who Does What She Has To Do. I stepped back, lifting one of her hands to brace her so she could step off the bed onto the floor. She did so as gracefully and smoothly as ever. Fuck it, even I have my limits. I turned to my partners and said, "when the time comes, she''s not fully done until she can''t walk like that. Or, y''know, at all."


    Sister Siobhan''s mouth dropped open, but before she could protest the other two chorused, "Agreed."


    "Well then. Ladies, you all know what you have to do?" They nodded. "Ready?" They nodded again. "Any last minute questions?"


    Sister Siobhan frowned, a tiny little moue, and said, "could one of you assist me in the classroom? I''m not sure I can handle that many Translocations at once."


    I smiled at her and waved Saffron down. "I''ve got that one, Kitten. I want to make sure you three stay fully topped as long as possible."


    "Don''t you mean ''topped off''?" drawled Saffron.


    "Oh. Yeah, right." I turned to smile at her. "That''s later." We all giggled a little, recognizing that each and every one of us would rather be Reveling with the others, but knowing we had chores to complete first, while also being filled with almost as much anticipation as Mana. "Okay then. Let''s do this."


    I stepped with Sister Siobhan to the Advanced Mana Shaping classroom. Doc Roberts'' eyes went wide when they saw us appear; trust good old Doc to recognize exactly how much Mana we were carrying. I let Sister Siobhan take the lead, in part because I wanted her to get used to maybe being a little more in charge, because I didn''t want everyone in the Alliance counting on me to do every blessed thing that needed to be done, in part because I wanted to hear her sweet, kind voice going all girl boss. "Doctor Roberts, I regret to inform you that you and all Cadets in your class are requested and required to report for duty aboard the Black Dragon, there to remain until the Liberation of Calverton from the Undead Horde is complete."


    They looked to me, and I nodded once to agree with her, then nodded again at her as if to point out that she, not I, would be in charge of them for the time being.


    I Co-Located to the Academy Suite, grabbed Vulcan''s case, slapping it shut as I did, then knocked on the door in the back of the armoire. It slid open wide enough for Conrad to smile through. "Mother! How lovely to see... oh, is it time?"


    "Yep. Is it ready?" He nodded, then handed me a bow. A beautiful thing made of metal and wood and horn all laminated and interwoven. Already strung and waiting by the door, with a quiver next to it. My boy wasn''t surprised in the slightest, but he put on a really good show. "How''s Karen coming along?"


    "Oh, was she supposed to be doing that?"


    I laughed. "Son, we both know the only reason you pay any attention at all to that is for aesthetic reasons."


    He laughed, the sound almost not creepy, almost humorous. "Oh, I also try to keep abreast of my mothers'' hobbies, that my gifts might be better appreciated."


    I remembered something mostly irrelevant, but figured his part in the day was pretty much done at this point. "Oh, hey, about that, we... I... kinda swallowed one of the fascina."


    He splayed one hand across his chest, eyes wide. "Mother! You enjoyed it so much you ate it? I''m flattered!"


    "Yeah, yeah, you and Maurice Sendak. Could you maybe make us a replacement?"


    "Of course Mother. Oh, and... good hunting."


    "Thanks, son."


    I stepped to our suite back at Lancaster House, where Anna, Devorah, and Chloe were just finishing up with a reasonable approximation of our morning bath routine. "Everybody dressed?" All eyes turned to me, and the three ladies in charge turned to the Maenads, who had maybe half a dozen yards of fabric between the lot of them, mostly halters. "Okay, everybody join hands." Menace leapt into action, grabbing two of the refugee girls by the hand and dragging them over to their moms. Maze and the rest of the kids did the same, and the Maenads followed suit. In less than a minute everybody stood in a loose circle. I took their hands, Co-Located a few of me around the circle, and stepped us all to the Dining Hall, where the Lancasters and other ROTCs had just stood up from breakfast. "Hey, guys. Sorry to bother you, and I''ll be sending backup shortly, but I need you to keep the little ones safe today." I looked at Menace, then shot a pointed look at Bonnie''s belly. "All the little ones."


    Isnomi piped up, "Ah gad dis, Mama. Go weck thuff."


    I smiled at her and stepped away to D''s Diner. "D! Get your Avatars here, pronto."


    Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.


    "How many?"


    I looked around the room; the Maenads who''d moved to the old Aetos place stood, sat, crouched, and lay around the room nursing, watching, and playing with a fuckin'' day care center worth of kids. "All of them. Ladies, I would feel a lot better if you and D''s Avatars could take these kids to the Academy for the day." When a couple of them bristled, I said, "my own kids are there, along with their friends. Specifically because that''s not where they''ve been for the past couple weeks. And it''s a fuckin'' fortress guarded by every Hero-in-training in the Alliance."


    They looked at each other, then at me, and nodded as heavy boots hit the ground outside the door. D moved to gather kids up, but I lay a hand on his arm. He flinched just a little, but only said, "what shall I be doing then?"


    "Loading," I said as I handed Vulcan''s case to him.


    Back at the Academy, Doc Roberts looked around the Advanced Mana Shaping classroom. "Everyone is here except Cadet Smith."


    I tried not to look too guilty as I said, "I''ve got her doing something else today."


    I turned to Sister Siobhan, and she looked around the room. "Everyone join hands, please." I stepped around the room, three of me backing her up, and nodded to her. She stepped forward, and a moment later we all stood on the rear deck of the Black Dragon. Saffron stood there waiting for us, Grinning at me with lines of Mana still bracketing her chin. "Oh, Archmage. Will you be leading us then?"


    Saffron shook her head, then stepped up to Sister Siobhan as I collapsed into myself, stepping away as I did. "I have another task I must focus on, Sister. I am simply here to provide additional Mana as needed. Although I can help you and Doctor Roberts set up the initial Shape if you need it. Lead the way." She nodded toward the nearest entrance to the lower decks.


    "I... ah... don''t know exactly where?"


    Saffron looked at me, rolled her eyes, and laughed. "Well then. I suppose it''s good I''m here then." She took Sister Siobhan by the hand and led her off, the rest of the class trailing behind.


    Doc Roberts hung back, and I stepped close to him. "Everything okay, Doc?"


    They smiled at me, obviously shaky. "I''m... I''m not a brave person, Tabitha. I want to do my part, want to help, but..."


    I took them by the shoulders. "You''re braver than you know, Doc. Your hands might shake, you might tell everybody who can hear it how you''ve got no courage, but..." I waited until curiosity sparked behind their eyes to say, "but I remember who stood up to defend me in court that day, Doc. Stood up to the Mountain that Walks Like a Hero for me." I shot them a lopsided grin. "All that said? You''re gonna be in one of the two safest places in the Alliance today. I need you managing a Mana Network, keeping it feeding a very steady flow of Mana into a Shape. It is absolutely critical to the Liberation of Calverton, and you can do it behind an armored hull that makes the Academy walls look like eggshells."


    I waited, and their face firmed up. "I can do that."


    I smiled at them. "I knew you could." Then I spun them around and gave them a gentle push between the shoulders. "Hurry up, your class is getting away from you."


    As they ran off to catch up with the class, I stepped to the external hatch of a bridge midway up the superstructure. Stepping in, I nodded to Orla. "Your guys ready?"


    She nodded, her hands idly toying with the binoculars dangling from her neck. Then she shook her head, her hair sweeping her shoulders where it stuck out from her close fitting helmet. "Why are you trusting us with this?"


    "Should I not be?"


    She just stood there staring at me for a long moment. "My Lord Ares instructs that enemies are to be slain or enslaved."


    "Yeah. He''s that kind of asshole." She flinched, frowning. "Hey, look, I''m not gonna lie and say I like him. But so far I''ve met two of his High Priests, and both of them were untrustworthy shits. If that''s his idea of who he has representing him?" I waited until I had her attention. "He doesn''t deserve you." Then, quieter, I asked, "has he taken you back yet?" She shook her head. "If you really want him to? I''ll talk to him."


    "Talk?"


    "I''ll talk him right into the ground if that''s what it takes."


    She blinked at that. "You''re arrogant."


    I snorted. "He''s sent eight High Priests at me. I watched my sworn man execute one in a duel, my Concubine tore half a dozen apart with her bare claws, and I left the last one alive because I wanted him to suffer. After making sure he wasn''t capable of anything complicated or dangerous like ''feeding himself'' or ''wiping his own ass''. Because I didn''t need to kill him to neutralize him. Like I said, you deserve better."


    A lopsided smile curved her lips. "And who do you think would be a better fit for a former lay Priestess of Ares?"


    I shrugged, smiling. "Loki''s smart, and everyone in his Pantheon has some War in them. Odin''s a dick, but he''s better than Ares. Dionysus isn''t really militant, but he''s fun at parties." I waited a second. "Don''t think Tyr or Thor are taking applicants, but there are a whole bunch of Clergy looking for new Priestesses throughout the Alliance. Fuck, I think even Domnu might have herself a High Priest by this point?" She shuddered, and I said, "getting your Divine Sponsorship deal back can wait for after Calverton is free though, right?"


    Her face firming up, she nodded. "As you say, Champion. My Soldiers and I are ready when you are."


    "You''ve got that little bit of Divination Skilled up and ready to use?"


    She smiled back at me. "I knew that one before we''d even heard of the Plague, Champion. Your issues with him aside, Ares does recognize the utility of siege weapons."


    "I''m aware," I growled. She opened her mouth, maybe to apologize, but I held up a hand. "Not your fault. Stand ready, Hero."


    She nodded, and I stepped out the hatch, stepped to the top of the mast. Marie and Saffron stood there waiting. "You ready, Kitten?"


    "At your command, love."


    I hunched my shoulders the tiniest bit. "I''m not sure I want to use you like this."


    She smiled up at me, laying a palm on my cheek. "This was your plan, was it not?"


    "Yeah, but... I could do it."


    "You could not, love. Any who see you see you as a threat."


    I sighed. "Yeah. Yeah, you''re right. I still don''t like it."


    She smirked at me, plans far more complicated than mine spinning into being behind her eyes. "So... a compact then. You use me like this, and I use you later."


    I snorted. "Like I wouldn''t let you do that anyway."


    She tapped her teeth with one fingernail. "Oh, when I call in this marker I will need every advantage I can lay hands on, I think. Still, I am ready."


    I nodded, then Co-Located one of me to Swanson''s headquarters. "ALERT! WARNING! IMMINENT ATTACK! WAKE THE FUCK UP!" Everybody stared at me for half a second, then people sprang into action.


    Hargreaves leapt to the table and barked out, "where are the Undead attacking from?"


    "They''re gonna be coming at both bridges. Do not advance further than the midpoint of the bridges."


    "But our plan to..."


    "Did I stutter?" I barked out. "Midpoint. No further."


    "As you say it, so shall it be done, Majesty." Swanson glared Hargreaves into silence until the latter started barking orders to the semaphore runners. "When will the Undead be attacking?"


    "As soon as the Imperator and I goad them into it. Oh, get a unit of Heroes on the north and south walls, ready to advance at a dead run."


    I think he said, "Advance?" but I''d already stepped away to M-Space. My tentacles, the big ones, writhed as I used them to start Shaping.


    The me atop the mast watched as Saffron stepped first to M-Space, where she slid one hand up one of Mimic''s monstrous tentacles, growing as she did. Then she stepped back into the River between the districts, as Kaiju large as she had been at the Battle of the Walls.


    "ATTENTION, UNDEAD OF CALVERTON!" The water of the Bay itself vibrated to her shout. We might need to do some Healing later, but fuck it, shit gonna get loud today. "I am Saffron Aetos-Diaz, Imperator of the Inter-City Alliance. This is your final offer of redemption, and your final warning! Any who overcome their craving for the Mana of the living and prostrate themselves before me will be restored to life! Any who do not will be destroyed!" She stepped forward, shrinking and splitting herself in three as she did so. One of her stepped onto each of the bridges, with the central one stepping right to the shore, Jotnar large, but still made small by distance and the scale of the City. All three of her Shaped, continuing to pour Mana into it as it took form. The Shapes sang out, a song of life and Mana I could feel from M-Space. Every Undead I could see leaned toward her. Zombies crawled out into the flattened no man''s land, stumbling her way.


    "DO NOT BE SWAYED BY THE HARLOT''S LIES!" A rasping voice screamed out from the Undead held section of Calverton. "Hold your minions! Do not allow the aggressors from Phileo to defile our fair City one step further! We will have our vengeance!" I scanned the rooftops from the Black Dragon. None of the Liches stood out, and while each of them shot tendrils of hyper violet Miasma into the Undead surrounding them, all of whom stopped in their tracks. Some Liches connected to others. A few, ones with darker clouds of Miasma around them, all had thick cables of Miasma trailing from them, linking them back to a central building.


    One of me leaned into the Black Dragon''s Fire Control Bridge, before I could say anything, Orla spoke, calmly. "I see it."


    I collapsed that me back to the top of the mast, then grabbed Mittens and Co-Located one of us each to the north and south walls. Some Undead manned them, but in the narrow confines of the wall''s top, they couldn''t really swarm. The two of us leapt forward, sword-staves spinning. I heard battle cries dopplering away behind us, trying and failing to keep up.


    Back in the now almost empty Diner, I slipped one hand into D''s big paw, threaded another through Artemis'' fingers, and stepped them both to the top of the Black Dragon''s mast. I opened Vulcan''s case, pulled him out, and strung him, whispering, "no property damage, you ammosexual nerd. Undead only, got it?" I swear to fuck his cable thrummed with laughter. I made sure D watched as I pumped Vulcan''s lever until he was cocked, then laid a bolt in. Handing Vulcan over to him, I said, "he''s for when she," I nodded to Artemis, "needs to take out a hardened target, like one of their Death Knights."


    "What do you wish of me, Mistress?" I handed her the bow Conrad gave me earlier. When her hands touched the grip, all that remained of my cane, she gasped. "Is this?"


    "Yeah. This is your new bow." She inhaled, but nodded. I reached up and slipped her blindfold down until it lay around her neck like a bandanna. "Do you see those Undead on the rooftops?" While she lifted one hand to shade her brow, I slipped the quiver onto her belt and shoved the first bundle of arrows into it. With a nod, I pointed out the rest to D.


    "I do, mistress."


    "They offend me. Remove them."


    The bow that was Apollo sang. Greased bearings groaned into unaccustomed motion, went silent, thunder rolled across the bay, and fire lanced out.


    Going silent till sunset. Good luck, and rack ''em up.


    From M-Space, I finished the other Shape Saffron had worked out for this. Well, Mimic''s tentacles, with every bit of Mana she had available to pump into it, did. One great tentacle slammed down in the middle of M-Space Calverton, releasing the Shape.


    From the mast of the Black Dragon, I watched through my binocs as every one of those fuckin'' tendrils winked out. A moment later the blast wave of the Shape hit every me in the City, which was every me except the one in M-Space, and all of me staggered. My brain scrambled worse than usual as I was simultaneously every me in the City. Saffron, with way more brain cells to share across the four of her, managed to plant her feet and stay upright. The mes on the walls charged forward with Marie by my side, pureeing every Undead that stood against us. A Lich fell, an arrow piercing each eye socket and extinguishing its hyper violet Miasma glow. Then another, and two more. The bow that was Apollo screamed, and they fell like rain in the spring, each and every one silenced by a pair of Cold Iron arrowheads through its brain.


    A single projectile, made almost invisible by distance, slashed into the building where the big tendrils had come from. half a second later, the building flew apart in a gout of flame and smoke. I ran my hand along the mast. "Good Girl."


    Then thirty thousand Zombies crawled out into no-man''s-land, headed for my wife.


    "Here they come!" I called out, loud enough for Orla to hear me on the bridge.


    "Switching to high capacity. Firing for effect."


    At that point I noticed the troops on the bridges pushing forward. I leapt in front of them, interference tearing me apart inside as I did, as I Co-Located one of me to each bridge, my swordstaves spinning, forcing them backward as I danced back and forth. "BACK UP, YOU DUMB SHITS! DANGER FUCKING CLOSE!"


    On one bridge, the officer nearest the front said, "but the Imperator!"


    "Can keep herself safe, but not if she has to protect you!"


    On the other bridge, the idiot in charge asked, "danger close?"


    Right then nine sixteen inch high capacity shells wrapped in Cold Iron fragmentation casings raced in at Mach Fuck You, three spread across each of the approaches to each of my Kittens playing bait. Shrapnel flew, and I winced when a bit of it caught me in the shoulder from hundreds of feet away. Mana based defenses didn''t do a whole fuckin'' lot against Cold Iron. "Yes, danger fucking close." I reached around, yanked the hunk of metal out of my shoulder, and flung it in his stupid face. "Now back the fuck up!"


    A moment later thunder rolled in off the bay, the echo of all nine of the Black Dragon''s guns roaring out their argument against the Undead domination of Calverton.


    Stupid macho fuckers. Almost as stupid as the Undead. Still, I now had two front row seats to the Undead getting themselves torn apart as they ran directly into some of the most powerful artillery pieces of the world of my birth. I couldn''t help but smile when the first Death Knight leapt to the ground, headed for the bridges. A moment after it did, a blue glow slammed into and through its breastplate. It froze, and a moment later the entire surface of its armor exploded outward, scything down the Undead around it.


    I still winced every few minutes, when one of the Black Dragon''s salvos landed. Saffron had Menace''s tiara and sash, and one of her was still ensconced within the armored belly of the Black Dragon, pouring Mana to the Shape feeding bottled lightning into her electric system. That made absolutely no fucking difference every time I saw her wince, stagger, or brush away some bit of burning shrapnel. Other than that she stood there, hands folded behind her, regally ignoring the oncoming horde as it tried and failed to advance through the incoming fire.


    Thirty five thousand Undead is a lot. Even with them swarming, uncontrolled, toward the lures Saffron maintained, they kept coming at us all day. Within an hour of the first artillery strike, somebody in the Army got smart, and the first Crossbow volleys arced out over the horde, thinning it still further when they hit. Our siege weapon equipped sailboats opened fire maybe an hour before lunch. Some time before lunch the first Zombie got almost to Saffron, only for the Kraken lurking behind her to sweep them all back, away, and under the water. None of the ones who submerged came back up.


    As the sun neared the horizon, and the interference I''d thrown up settled down to where I could hear myself think, I''d almost decided to call for a general advance when the me atop the mast saw a tight grouping of Undead surrounding a single Lich who towered over them. Thick hyper violet ropes of Miasma bound them all to it, and he strode forward as if it feared nothing. "Artemis? Can you take that thing out?"


    A few sparks flew out from it. "I am sorry, Mistress. I... I have no more arrows tipped with Cold Iron. Forgive me, please."


    "Not your fault. Arti. You''ve done work today. Still, we gotta stomp that cockroach now that it''s come out of hiding. Follow me."


    Ignoring the tearing pain from the remaining interference, I collapsed all of me down to one who landed in front of the dozens of Zombies leashed to the Master Lich. "Time to put you down, Wish Dot Com Warlock!" I spun my sword staff, but froze when I got a good look at the Zombies around it. It wasn''t any kind of giant. They were all kids.


    Then the fucking waste of Mana and Miasma both sent my brain into a sliding stop and almost off the rails. "I SURRENDER!" Its creaking voice echoed across the no man''s land. "I SURRENDER, RESTORE ME AS YOU SAID YOU WOULD!" The kids tethered to it lay down face first on the ground, and then the Master itself did the same. Seething, I stalked forward, alone, through the moaning Undead kids lying on the ground around me. I got to it, and it wheezed out, "so, ''Hero'', will you keep your word and restore me to life? Or will you show everyone exactly what a traitorous, unworthy whore you are?"


    I didn''t trust myself. I flung my sword staff at the nearest vertical structure, where it sank half the length of its blade into stone. "Hold. Fucking. Still." I leaned over the Master Lich and, not bothering to be gentle, ripped its fucking Soul out of its fucking body. My hands burned at the touch of it, draining me even as I poured Mana into a Smite big enough to burn her Soul back to Mortality. I smiled openly as her Soul screamed in agony, inverting as the Smite burned through her. The sun rested on the horizon when she finally went silent. Gathering all the Mana I had left, I shoved her Soul back into her body. "Revive."


    She stood, stretching and smiling a shit eating grin at me. "So. You''re as stupid as I had hoped. I''ll take my leave now, ''Hero''."


    I slid a razor thin Mana Blade out of my wrist, hoping she wasn''t any smarter or braver than Humperdink. "No. Now you follow me back and stand trial for willingly leading an army of fucking Undead. Asshole."


    She frowned, then smiled. "I think not. I''ve improved on, altered a Spell of yours, too, you see." I staggered backward into an exhausted crouch as Mana poured from her hands, twisting into a Shape. A Shape almost identical to one I''d gotten so good at casting I could recognize it despite its differences. A Shape that wasn''t aimed at me. "Mass. Smite."


    Exhaustion ripping from me, I tried to step to her, tried to leap around her, tried to do anything, but I had nothing left. I staggered, went to a knee, trying to shelter even just one of the kids surrounding her.


    Then a fucking house-sized brown boulder of muscle and claws crashed through her Smite, absorbing and shattering it. Then through her, doing much the same.


    I pushed myself to my feet, staggered through the gathering gloom to where the dump truck sized She-Bear continued stomping her remains to paste. I glanced into M-Space, spotted her Soul still standing shocked where she had been before her sudden demise. When I got within reach, I grabbed her Soul by the hair, pulled her ear next to my mouth, and whispered. "Death by Drop Bear. Bitch."

 Day Four Hundred And Thirty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    "Healthy children will not fear life if their elders have integrity enough not to fear death."


    - Erik Erikson


    Yeah. This one hit me when I read it. I guess me being able to Revive people puts a whole different spin on what death means. But, like, my first Psychopomp gig showed me that sometimes Death is a release. When the body''s just too beat up to go on, and no amount of Healing is gonna fix it, stepping on to the next thing is just kind of natural. There''s lots of things that could cause that, I guess, not just old age. Disease. Maybe dysphoria, if instead of helping resolve it everybody just forces the person into that dysphoric situation more?


    I know I was mad as fuck when my mom died. Maybe a little at her doctors, or the hospital, or even myself, but mostly, at the time, I got mad at her. She quit on me. She was finally still and stationary enough for me to spend some quality time with her, and she went and quit on me. Yeah, I was an absolute selfish little shit, but then that''s where all kids start out. Suck tit, be held, make shit. Yell, if those things aren''t done. I guess maybe if my mom made a mistake it was not letting me know how much of her working three jobs and never being home was for me, since at the time it felt like she was avoiding me. But if looking back now I can see how little kid greedy I was for just the last few dregs of my mom''s attention, I also see how she fought, how she hammered the bottom of that bottle trying to give me just a little more. Until the bottle broke, and she was gone.


    My mom died in agony. For me. It took me a long time to see that. Shit, it took me dying to see that. At the time, all I saw was the agony, and holy fuck did that ever make me afraid to go out and live life. But, y''know, dying has a way of making you stop fearing death. I mean, I don''t want to die. Not only do I have a lot of really fun shit to do, not to mention people to do, I''ve enjoyed life here. Even if something happened that separated me from Saffron and Marie and Menace and Maze and everyone else I''ve come to love and care for, I''d still want to live. My fuckin'' brain chemistry might tell me I want to die, but when I''m thinking rationally about it, not only would dying preclude ever getting back to Saffron, I''ve been slowly accumulating more good things since I got here, and there''s no reason to think I wouldn''t keep doing that.


    So yesterday we finally Liberated Calverton. Almost wound up letting the architect of a lot of the Undead domination of the city get away, or at least get off a spoilsport Smite that would have destroyed the Souls of a bunch of kids. Artemis put paid to that and to the Master Lich herself, although given the specific situation I''m gonna have to do some things I really don''t like. But I am a woman of my word. I think my Domains are pushing me on this one, too, but I can''t actually disagree with them on this. I just hope she understands, or things are gonna get ugly. Uglier.


    But that was for later. I stood there feeling the sun slip over the horizon, sunset sweeping away the last of the interference that handicapped the Liches from controlling their minions, not to mention making Co-Location and Translocation actively painful and draining. Send them in.


    At night?


    "She-bear? Lights?"


    A moment later moonlight bathed the City; not as bright as day, but clearly enough to keep the Undead from ambushing our troops. Be careful, though. I want to save as many as we can.


    From the shoreline and the bridges I heard my Kitten roaring out, "Army of the Alliance! Artemis, She-Bear, Goddess of the Moon, has struck down the Master Lich and lights our way! The Undead Horde is broken! Let us scour Calverton clean! Return all you subdue to Us! People of Calverton, your friends, your family, your fellow Calvertonites may yet be saved!" She paused, took a deep breath, and loud enough to shake the stones, shouted, "ADVANCE!"


    I hadn''t really thought about what the big sailboats with siege weapons advancing meant, or realized that they''d brought most of the Longboats with them. Sunset swept a lot of the Miasma away, and with all the Liches and Death Knights gone, not to mention most of the Zombies either gone or disabled, it wasn''t reestablishing itself like it had previously. When our troops poured across the bridges, leapt from their beaching longboats to storm across the no-man''s-land I''d smashed through the center of the City, along with the ground itself shaking to the tread of nearly twenty thousand boots, I felt them pushing the Miasma back as they charged forward, cheering.


    Sister Siobhan? Marie? I need you.


    A moment later both of my beautiful platinum blonde babes stood over me where I''d collapsed to one knee at some point. "Marie? Please deliver that bitch," I nodded to the former Master of Calverton, "to Hades personally. If anybody deserves Tartarus, it''s a bitch who would ash kids as a fuck you." She made a face. "I''m sorry, Mittens. I''m too beat to do it myself, and I don''t want her weaseling out." She nodded, and for the first time I saw her drive her claws right through a Soul before she stepped away, dragging the Soul with her.


    "Tabitha?" Sister Siobhan lay a cool, gentle hand on my forehead, and the feeling of mint flowed through me. When it finished, I smiled and looked up at her. "Thanks, Sister. Smite please?" With a little moue, she did as asked, and if that felt a little like having a jalapeno dragged across each of my sore spots, when she finished I felt almost like I wasn''t about to fall apart. Still exhausted, but no longer actively injured. I smiled up at her again, at which point she smirked and said, "not that I''m complaining, but," she looked around the battlefield, with its still smoking craters and general wrecked as shit urban landscape. "This doesn''t really live up to the standards of our first date that you keep insisting wasn''t one."


    I laughed at that, the sound more than a little bit of a wheeze with how tired I was. "Yeah, you''ve got that on the brain, don''t you? Keep poking at me about it and I''m gonna wind up too worked up to be gentle with you."


    She blushed just a little, putting a hand on my shoulder for support. "Would it be too forward of me to say that I hope so?"


    I used her hand to pull myself up, then pulled her into a hug. "Forward? Definitely. Too forward? I dunno, I like forward. But aren''t you scared?"


    "Oh, I''m terrified. But I thought you liked that?"


    I really couldn''t lie about it, what with my knees going weak when she admitted it. "Yeah, but I don''t really like liking that, if you see what I mean."


    She tilted her head. "It''s what you are, though. You''re powerful beyond Mortal ken. Anyone who isn''t terrified of you isn''t paying attention."


    I sighed. "Even the kids?"


    She smiled up at me where I leaned on her shoulders. "Kids love their parents being big, terrifying monsters, so long as they know those big terrifying monsters love them and would never hurt them."


    I grunted, not really having a response to that. "Yeah, well. At any rate, not why I called you here. Okay, maybe the kids part." I nodded to the Undead kids still lying where the Master had left them. Mittens? When you''re done with delivering her to Hades I need you to bring the Maenads and Karen. "You, my lovely Sister, have a Trial to perform. Were you listening when I talked with Karen?"


    "Not really. What must I do, my Goddess?"


    My hindbrain grabbed control of my mouth long enough to say, "scream my name when you come for me." Then I managed to exert some conscious control and, after a quick Stabilizing forehead kiss to reboot Sister Siobhan, said, "show Karen how to Smite, Revive, and if need be Cure and Heal the Undead. Start with the kids here. You''ll need a psychopomp to pull their Souls out before you Smite them; if you Smite a body with a Soul still in it they both burn. But the Maenads can do that. Just need you for the Smite and the Revive. Or, Karen, really. Mittens?"


    Marie stepped forward, still glittering where I''d boosted her before sunrise, twelve hours and an eternity ago. "Vlickies?"


    "Can you do a Mana Network with ice pop here and Mana for Karen?"


    Sister Siobhan shrugged to jostle me. "I can put together a Mana Network. I did so on the Black Dragon. And I''ll include Marie, since she''ll be acting as our psychopomp. Also, Ice Pop?"


    "Y''r cool, and sweet, and I wanna put you in my mouth and suck on you." I realized right then that with nothing left in the tank, my brain had definitely decided to completely shut down anything resembling filters. I looked around, because with Marie there that meant my new Novice Priestess would be there too.


    I caught sight of her, and a sudden spike of awake to the sexy bits woke me up for an instant. Somehow my genius sociopath artist son had taken my ''I appreciate you painting my personal world in every color of horny, but I get the joke and I''m laughing so maybe tone it down a little'' as ''turn the knob to eleven, break it off, craft an entirely new knob where ''eleven'' is ''one'', then turn that new knob so high it breaks, because I never want sufficient blood flow diverted from my lady parts to power my brain again''. My first coherent thought was ''wedding dress'', because it was pure white, and definitely had all the really intricate frilly sewed on bits you expected from old school fancy wedding dresses. Not to mention a veil and headdress that hinted at being a train. But holy shit he had somehow made a pure white wedding dress imply ''pulling trains'' more than ''demure offering to the altar of marriage''. The veil and train were a great example. The veil itself? Just a single gauzy layer than hinted at hiding while it hid nothing. It somehow screamed, ''I am covering my face like a good, demure woman ought to HAHAHA FUCK YOU LOOK AT ME!'' It concealed and revealed, both at the same time. The not-really-train reached to her calves, but while I watched a light gust lifted it fluttering, out of the way. Then she knelt before me and it pooled outward around her calves and my brain fritzed some more.


    A burst of Worship washed over me, and Karen said, "Goddess, I know the Shape for Mana Network, and... I would do as much of the work of my Trials myself as possible. Please, allow me?"


    I blinked as the dizziness of power flowing through me washed away the dizziness of exhaustion. Then I reached down and, with two fingers beneath her chin, lifted Karen to her feet. I stumbled a little as I did, because I had absolutely pushed nearly to the point of collapsing utterly. I probably would have gone down for the count if I hadn''t spent the prior night soaking up Worship until I literally glowed. "Good. Good choice. Good girl. Good... god that dress is hot."


    I think your adopted son is trying to torment you with the aspects of yourself which cause you guilt.


    Ha! Joke''s on him, Kitten''s been attacking my lingering neopuritan guilt like it was grime and she''s a Mr. Clean eraser.


    Just so. Will you be visiting soon?


    Probably tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow. Got... things to do.


    I think you mean Priestesses?


    DAD! I snorted out a laugh. Thanks, Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    "Yeah. Anyway. Go ahead. Set up the Network. Sister Siobhan will show you how to do everything but the Soul extraction. Marie will handle that."


    Karen blinked at me. "May... may I do that as well?"


    I took a firm grip on myself, as well as using those two fingers to do the same to her chin. "Novice Karen, should you perish prematurely in my service, I will gladly Revive you should you wish it, but asking to be slain and Revived as a Demigoddess is a little much, don''t you think?"


    "Oh! Forgive m..." She tried to drop to her knees again, only to be brought up short by my grip on her chin.


    "No apologies. You wanted to do for yourself. Admirable. But you might want to know what you''re asking for before you ask for it." She nodded. "Just sayin''." I let go, and she stumbled back. "Get to Networking."


    As she Shaped Mana into a Network containing her, Marie, and Sister Siobhan, Marie stepped next to me, stomped down to lift one end of a piece of rubble, and thumped the thing down sideways. Then she picked me up and set me on it. Hard as fuck, especially with my no padding having ass, but she''d set my ass about four feet in the air, with something to lean back on, so I did. Karen''s Worship had pulled me back from the absolute raggedy edge, but not so far that I felt like I needed to intervene or lead the troops or anything similar. We had nearly twenty thousand shit kickers hunting down maybe a couple thousand remaining Undead, and if there were any of the really tough ones remaining, my money was on them lying face down and waiting to get dragged back to Karen.


    Karen would not be done in anything like a reasonable amount of time if she had to Revive even a large fraction of thirty five thousand walking corpses. Sister?


    Yes, Goddess? I got a little burst of energy from her as she smiled. Not at me, but for me.


    Tell Canta we need Healers. Get Doc Glass if you can. Anybody you can.


    A few moments later, the man himself was there. Well, the God himself. He got a bit of a booger look when he had to look up to me sitting on my impromptu throne, but I just kept slouching and nodded to him. "Thanks for coming."


    "You would have my people give of themselves for... these?" He looked around at the corpses surrounding us like they were an equal weight of runny dogshit.


    This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.


    If I''d been one whit less tired, I''d have tickled his prostate with a Mana Blade. "I''m gonna give you a second chance here. To look real close at those bodies. Real, real close." I blinked, once, slowly, as he looked around and went pale. "Yeah. You gonna tell me any of them decided to become Undead? Or that even if maybe some of them did, it was anything more than a scream of rage at a world that had fucked them over so thoroughly before they even got to live a fuckin'' life?"


    "I... But I... They..." He kinda deflated. "No. No, I cannot."


    "So yeah. In the spirit of the second chance I''m giving you, where instead of gutting you like a fuckin'' trout for looking at kids who just wanted a fuckin'' chance at life like so much sewage, I''m offering you a chance to maybe make things right? You can give these kids the chance that got stolen from them by a sloppy asshole with a bow."


    He nodded. "But... how am I to get them here?"


    I smiled as Maenads started appearing, hands intertwined with each other and with Marie. "Oh, that''s the easy part. You show Sister Siobhan, she shows Marie, and Marie goes and gets them for you. You can handle that, right Murder Mittens?"


    The Maenads looked maybe a little miffed at me calling Marie that, but she just slinked her way over, Glowing Midnight''s boots letting her loom over her sisters and positively tower over Canta. "Yes."


    He nodded. "I... even my Mana may not be sufficient. But what I have, I will gladly give for ones such as these." He motioned to the kids.


    I waved him forward, then leaned down to put my mouth next to his ear. "You''ll give what you''ve got for as many as need it, because while I like you, and Sister Siobhan loves you," I slipped off my seat and only him grabbing at me kept me from hitting the floor. "with very few exceptions my wife looks at Gods kind of like you looked at them. Here''s your chance to prove her wrong."


    "But... I cannot save all of them. Even were I to spend myself to nothing, I could not."


    I nodded. "Yeah. I get that. But you see, you''re not alone. Artemis!"


    The she-bear disappeared, and Artemis knelt next to me. "Yes, Mistress." Tears leaked from her eyes, but I''m not sure anyone else saw.


    "You got High Priestesses who can Revive, right?" She nodded. "Let Marie know where. Tell them they need to get their asses down here and help out."


    "As you wish, Mistress."


    "Marie?" She lifted me out of Canta''s arms and set me back on my impromptu throne. Then stood there waiting. "Get D''s High Priestesses who can Revive down here too?"


    She rolled her eyes, almost like I''d told her to do something she''d already been doing, because I''m an idiot. "Yes." Then she brought one claw down on the stone next to my thigh, chipping a little bit out of it. "Sit. Stay."


    "Yes, mommy."


    I watched almost everyone in sight turn with expressions of confusion melting into horror as my Murder Mittens lost her shit laughing for a solid thirty seconds. Then she leaned in, kissed me, and stepped away. I looked over at Canta. "You don''t have to stay if you don''t want to."


    He sighed. "I... may be able to save a few more if I am here, in the flesh, to support my Clergy."


    I nodded to him and smiled. "That''s the spirit. My man." I held out a fist to him, but he didn''t seem to get it. Instead he just shook his head, turned, and walked over to where Marie had delivered another white robed figure to one of her sisters. "Artemis?"


    Without moving, she said, "yes, Mistress."


    "You know what comes next." She nodded. "And?"


    "I am obedient to your will, Mistress." I waited, watching as yellow robed Priestesses arrived. "Only..."


    "Go on."


    She bowed forward until her forehead touched the ground beneath my feet. "I would ask that my fate be delayed until these are made whole."


    "And the rest?"


    Her head jerked, almost a nod. "And the rest, Mistress."


    I slipped the hair fine tentacles out of her. "And now?"


    She looked up at me, fighting against the Hope in her eyes. "Am... am I... are you to be merciful?"


    I blinked, slowly, shaking my head. "I''m not merciful. I''m cruel. I get off on it." I leaned forward. "Even if I''m trying to do better." I shook my head again. "But even then, I''m a woman of my word. Sometimes, when you''ve been pushed as low as I have now and then, it''s all you''ve got left."


    "I... I understand."


    "And?"


    "I am obedient to your will, Mistress."


    I nodded. "I''m cruel. But I''m trying to do better. I''m hard, even when I try to be soft. But..."


    "But?"


    I nodded to the first few kids walking towards us on unsteady feet. "You did what you did for them."


    "Yes."


    "To save them." She nodded. "Well. You at least deserve to see them all safe then."


    Artemis scooched around to put her back to me, but I realized immediately that she hadn''t intended that. Instead, she''d moved so she could see the kids as they stood and approached us. As they reached her, touched her, they stood straighter, seemed to breathe easier. A few of them reached up to touch my boots where they dangled off the edge of my seat, and the same thing happened with them. Not as much, maybe. But I tried, shaping little Heals and Cures and Stabilizes to maybe put a little of what I had someplace it might do a bit of fuckin'' good.


    Then the weirdest fuckin'' thing happened. Worship flowed into me. First a stream, then a river, then a flood.


    From Artemis.


    We sat there like that, surrounded first by kids, then by a growing crowd of adults surrounding them. Without thinking about it, my gaze tracked Karen as she moved first from kid to kid, then once all the kids were upright, from body to body. Not all of the others stood. Some of them Marie shook her head, and Karen shaped a Cure, then a Smite, purifying then ashing the body just in case. By dawn her entire outfit had gone sheer from sweat, showing some creatively supportive undergarments beneath the outer film of white. I''d never seen a cupless bra that looked comfy before. As false dawn colored the sky, Saffron slipped under my arm. "Our son outdid himself, didn''t he?"


    "I''d say he was a kinky fucker, but we both know damn well he doesn''t give a shit about things like that."


    She snickered. "Oh, he does, but only in as much as he can use his art to, as you would say, fuck with you."


    I snorted. "What the fuck did I do to him?" She looked up at me, perfect ''Really, Diaz?'' look on her face. "Okay, yeah, fine, I''ve made him curb the worst of his excesses." We watched a little more. "I guess I can''t complain that the worst he does in retaliation is maybe shut my brain down a little." Then the sun rose. As the light hit her, Karen rose into the air, arms spread, her dress and every inch of her body fuckin'' sparkling like a stripper who''d gone overboard with the glitter. I mean, kinda appropriate, what with the whole stripperific wedding gown thing she had going on. Then whatever had gripped her let her go, and she descended back to her feet, sweat gone, hair and... makeup? Maybe she had makeup on? I have no fuckin'' clue. But she was absolutely picture perfect, where moments before she''d looked like she''d finished pulling a seven horse hitch across the whole fuckin'' Alliance. "Okay, maybe a lot. Did I do that?"


    Saffron chuckled. "As I said, he outdid himself. Only indirectly. It''s one of the two properties of the dress he''s most proud of."


    "What, it gets dirty enough it cleans itself?"


    She Grinned up at me and said, "oh, no. At Dawn and Dusk your Highest Priestess will be refreshed by the power of her Goddess, so long as she wears her Holy Garb." I must have looked confused, because she leaned up to put her mouth next to my ear and breathed out, "so you can leave her delightfully wrecked for hours at a time."


    I groaned, shaking my head. "I''m afraid to ask what the other property he''s so proud of is. The glitter?" She nodded, and I couldn''t help it. "Dafuq? How does glitter compare to that?"


    "It''s glass, love."


    "Glass."


    "Well, something very like."


    I shook my head in disbelief. "Isn''t she gonna wind up getting kinda all cut up by that?"


    She snickered more. "Beside the fact that at Dawn and Dusk any such minor wounds will be erased as if they''d never been? What our son is so proud of is that none of it will harm your faithful. Or any who adhere to your Values."


    I stared while Karen kept moving across the battlefield, no longer glittering with sweat, now glittering with glass. Sharp glass. "Fuckin'' morally aware built in glass weaponry?"


    "What will you do to him if it doesn''t work?"


    "Shove the entire outfit up his ass and pull it out his mouth before stuffing it up his nose."


    "So the odds of it working exactly as he says are?"


    I sighed, shaking my head. "Fuck, the first time some asshole tries to Revel with her and he''s not... like... fuck, I dunno, in my good graces, she''s gonna fuckin'' skin him."


    Saffron just snuggled into my side. "Oh. No. Someone who denies others Agency, who unrepentantly judges others by their origins rather than actions, someone who will not allow others to repent for their own mistakes..."


    "Yeah, but the first sanctimonious racist rapist who lays hands on her is gonna wind up getting blood all over her... dress..." I facepalmed. "That''s why the self cleaning."


    Since dawn broke, I''d been feeling more and more Worship pouring in, as troops clearing the city dragged or carried more Undead toward us to be restored. Between that and the constant stream pouring in from Artemis, I thought I''d even started glowing a little bit again. I looked down at where she knelt, surrounded by a pile of kids, and said, "You ready?"


    Gently, so as not to hurt any of them, she rose, dislodging them as she did. She turned just as carefully, eyes downcast. "Yes, Mistress."


    I reached out, cupped her cheek in my hand, and stepped us to the endless, undulating plain of tentacles. "You could have run."


    She shook her head. "I failed. You gave me a simple instruction, and I failed."


    "You saved those kids."


    "By slaying a living person. You told me, if I did that, I would die. Painfully. And you are a woman... a Goddess of her word."


    "I am."


    She shuddered. "May I make a request?"


    I shrugged. "Can''t say I''ll grant it, but ask."


    She looked me in the eye. "Do not tell them. Not the children today. Not the children my brother and I have watched these last weeks. Not your children. Not... not any of them. Let them... tell them... please, let them think I died defending them?"


    I lifted one finger, touched the tears beading in her eyes, and they streamed down. I pulled my hand back, slipping that finger into my mouth, savoring the salt. "But... you did." She blinked. "If you can''t, you kill it, and I kill you, painfully. Because giving your life to protect kids is what you should have done all along."


    She nodded, not sobbing, but with tears streaming down her face. "Protect them? In my absence?"


    I smiled at her. "Why would I stop just because you''re gone? Do you think I did it to make you guilty? Do you think I thought about you at all as I did?" She shook her head. "Damn right. Did you think about me when you did what you did?"


    She opened her mouth, closed it. Shook her head once, as if arguing with herself. Then she spoke, words leaking out of her. "I... did. Not seeking your approval. But knowing that my actions meant my end. That I would never again Revel next to my brother. That I would never again feel the weight of children resting against me, atop me. That I would never see another sunrise." She smiled at me through her tears. "Thank you for that."


    I realized just then that the Worship pouring in from her hadn''t slacked. If anything it had picked up. "I''m about to kill you."


    "Yes."


    "Painfully."


    "Yes."


    "And you''re Worshipping me. And it doesn''t taste like fear."


    She shook her head, a rueful smile on her lips. "No. It''s not. I... you are everything I should have been. Everything I could be. You will take my life, my power, my Domains. I... have listened to you, when you thought I did not, when you thought I could not. You feel guilt over the power you take by right of conquest." When I shrugged, she said, "so... I give you mine. Call it a gift. Call it inheritance. Call it what you will, but I give it freely. Just... please never stop guarding them."


    I nodded. "You ready?"


    She nodded. I slipped one arm under her knees, the other behind her back, lifting her and stepping her to Mimic''s maw. I bent a single tentacle down over the maw, flat gripping surface barely wider than her back, and lay her down on it. I hovered next to her, keeping one hand behind her back, then slipping it up to cup the back of her head. She looked up at me. "Slay me, then drop me into your maw?"


    I shrugged. "I ask a final time. Are you ready to die?" She nodded. "Why are you dying?"


    "Because I am obedient to your will, and you have stated it must be so."


    I shook my head, once, and asked again. "Why?"


    Her tears started again. "Because... because... Everything I did. My arrogance. My cowardice. My decadent abuse of my power. Of the power given to me to protect those who could not protect themselves. I did all that. For millennia. I... I proved myself, time and again, to be utterly unworthy of my Divinity. To be unworthy of even the life of a Mortal. When you faced me, bested me in my place of power on my High Holy Day, risking yourself to stand between me and the spiteful murder of a single child, I should have known. I should have realized. But instead I whined to my brother, who spewed hatred and plague across Atlantis. So... so many suffered. So many still do, because of my pride, my petty abuse of power."


    Still crying, she continued, "When... when you gave me a chance at redemption... I failed. The first time danger threatened a child, I lashed out. I destroyed those who would hurt them, knowing it would mean my end."


    "So why are you dying now?"


    "Because, after all those millennia, after countless wrongdoings? I deserve it."


    I looked into her eyes. "Are you ready?"


    She nodded. Bit her lip. "Will it..."


    I shoved a Mana Blade into her chest. Not a big one. Not a long one. Just big enough, just long enough, to stop her immortal heart from beating. My hand clamped down on her neck, and she gasped. Shuddered. "Does it hurt?"


    "Yes," she whimpered.


    I nodded, then ran that same tiny Mana Blade across her belly. Small tentacles reached in, pulled, spread her guts through the air. She screamed each time another foot of intestine pulled free. Eventually they stopped coming out. I reached in, explored her belly from the inside, confirming that nothing remained to remove. She cried and squealed as I did. I reached up and laid my bloody hand on her cheek. "Do you deserve this?"


    She sobbed out, "yes."


    "You let women. Children. Innocents. Die." She jerked out a nod. "Be raped." She bit her own lip through and nodded. "Be," I squeezed one end of her intestines and yanked. "Tortured." She wept, nodding. "Take a deep breath."


    She did. "Any last words?"


    "Please, Goddess. Protect them."


    I nodded. "Of course. You may feel like you can''t breathe." I reached in, working on instinct, and ripped a few nerves free. "That''s because you can''t. It hurts, doesn''t it?" Her head nodded convulsively. "This is agonizing, isn''t it?" Another nod. "You still think you deserve this?" Another.


    My great tentacles reached over us, weaving Mana. "You can''t die like this though. Millions still Worship you. That would keep you alive... forever, probably. Wouldn''t it?" She just blinked. "But I''m not... I''m trying not to be that cruel. I''m trying to be better. But I said you''d die painfully, and I''m a woman of my word." My tentacles shaped... something. Not a Mana Ward. Not a Miasma Ward. But a Ward that blocked every connection from her Worshippers to her. That Worship flowed across the Ward, across my tentacles. Into them, flowing as cleanly and refreshingly as the Worship she''d still never stopped pouring into me.


    "I''m going to paralyze you now." Then I did. "I''m not proud that I can steal away your ability to move without taking your ability to feel pain, but I can. I don''t even really understand how it all works. But it''s who and what I am. Terror Incarnate. Walking Ragnarok. Twilight of the Gods." A single chuckle echoed from the maw. "Twilight. Do you think you''ll make it to then? You''re old. Powerful. As old and powerful as the Moon herself. You''re going to die helpless, in agony. Should you die alone?"


    Tears streamed from her eyes at that, and I leaned over to her ear. "Shh... I''m not that cruel. Besides, if I''m going to do this, I''m going to make myself watch. Make myself see what I''ve done. You didn''t even bother to do that, did you?"


    A Goddess takes a long fuckin time to die. I paralyzed her not long before the sun rose overhead. I moved around, shifted her until I could sit tailor fashion with her head in my lap. I held her, tentacles cradling her body, idly twisting her guts into fanciful shapes, thumbs wiping the tears from her eyes so I could stare down into them and watch. She died slow. As slow and painful as I could possibly make it. She died hard. As hard as anyone she''d ever tormented, as hard as anyone she''d ever left to die at the whims of her brothers, her father. I sat with her as she died.


    Not once did that flow of Worship stop.


    As the sun slipped below the horizon, it stuttered. I leaned down, reaching inside myself, inside her, to squeeze that flow down to the barest trickle, to feel how much remained. "I''m so proud of you, she-Bear. So proud. It''s sunset. You''ve lasted all day. Not much longer now. Not much longer, but harder."


    I reached a hand down and slipped a finger, two, three, around her sternum and pulled. I didn''t rip, or tear. I kept a steady pressure up as I rationed her remaining Mana, letting it slip inside me slowly, savoring every bit of her passion, her pain. I felt her Soul, her Mind screaming, and I ran sharp edged tentacles under the exposed edges of her skin, gripped them, and pulled. Again, slowly. Sensually. Excruciatingly.


    As the rationed trickle of Worship trailed off, I slipped out from under her, stood beside her once more, her head cradled in my arm. "So appropriate, that a Moon Goddess should rise at Moonrise, is it not?" I''d meant to squeeze the last of her out right then, but some part of her that wasn''t flesh or blood or bone heaved, and all that remained of her washed into me, the final gift of a dying penitent. I smiled, slid my filth covered hand across her face to close her eyes, then laid it on her chest as I leaned over to whisper a single word into her ear.


    "Revive."

 Day Four Hundred And Thirty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    "If you live long enough, you''ll make mistakes. But if you learn from them, you''ll be a better person. It''s how you handle adversity, not how it affects you. The main thing is never quit, never quit, never quit."


    - William J. Clinton


    I did not expect that last bit from Hillary''s dude. Like, yeah, okay, mistakes, he obviously made them, like not listening to his wife, and not keeping his shady shit on the down low. Anybody who makes enough mistakes is gonna know that you can''t let them stop you. Lots of ways you can react to them, but shutting down and quitting is just not a really useful one. You can try to fix what went wrong, you can try to jettison it all and start over, you can take responsibility or try to blame somebody else. No matter what you do, it speaks to who you are as a person. It also maybe defines who you are as a person, who you''re becoming, who you''re choosing to become.


    I''ve... got a lot to think about when it comes to that. I mean, one of the first things my Deific Mentor told me, before he even knew I was a Deific to Mentor, was that Deities can''t lie. That if they say something that''s not true that their own power will make it true. Now, he knows the actual trick to lie as a Deity, but I can''t remember if he ever told me what it was, or I guessed at it and made an ass out of Uma Thurman, or what. Because I know I''ve made some really over the top threats, shit that I''m not sure is even possible. I do it without thinking about it, really. I see a situation where some asshole needs to stop assholing, and I get up in their grille and explain in loving detail what''s going to happen if they don''t play nice.


    Like telling a Goddess that if she doesn''t do what I want, how I want, I''m going to kill her. Painfully.


    The part that scares me isn''t that I''ll be forced to live up to my stupid threats. It seems kinda like that shit grabs me by the brain and makes me do stuff more with Deities than with, y''know, normal people, and most of the Deities hereabouts really could stand to learn that Actions have Consequences. The part of it that scares me is how much I enjoyed it. It wasn''t even some kind of freaky bloodlust thing, either. Just... everything I did, from moonset to moonrise, from the moment I stopped her heart to the moment she shoved the last of her Mana into me? Seemed so right. So natural. Like falling into a big fluffy bed, or wrapping your arms around someone when you kiss them, or swallowing after you''ve put something in your mouth.


    So. Learning from that. Time to start paying maybe a little more attention to what I say, who I say it to. Especially when I set up verbal dominoes, I gotta make sure that if somebody pushes the first one over, I''m cool with where the last one falls.


    As the Moon rose, I poured Mana into the Revive, into the body that had been Artemis. Everything she''d given me over the past day. Everything I''d stolen from her Worshippers. I shattered the dome I''d covered us with, and added everything still coming in. At first I worried I''d been wrong about how it would work, even as a tiny part of me let out a relieved sigh that I''d tried something like this with a Deity I''d mostly been pissed at rather than someone like my precious Marie. Mana poured into the Revive, through it, into the body that was Artemis. I''d say I held my breath, but let''s face it, breathing is something I do when I remember to do it, or when I want to make with the mouth noises.


    The flickering glow started from behind her closed eyelids. I kept pouring the Mana in, and that flicker became a flash, then glared so bright her eyes shone right through, the lids irrelevant. Her eyes dragged her body upright, her whole form dangling from her eye sockets, the glow spreading in flickering fits and starts until the first light of the newly risen moon flowed over her. Searing pale moonlight rushed across her, burned away everything except those upturned eyes, which stared directly into the moonlight. The light flowed out again like liquid flowing into a scintillating moonlight mold in the shape of a woman. My Revive poured the last of its Mana into her, and I couldn''t help but smile as I recognized the look on her face as the same one Menace used to have when I detached her from the tit.


    A cloud drifted into that moonbeam, and I smiled as it tore itself to shreds. Then I looked back down to see the Goddess of the Moon staring at me. "You... you brought me back."


    "I did."


    "Why?" She floated down as she asked the question, her feet finding purchase on the filthy tentacle she''d died on.


    I reached up, but stopped myself before I could soil her perfect new face with the blood and shit and tears covering it. "You deserve a second chance."


    She reached one still faintly glowing hand down, quicker than I could pulled mine away, and pulled my hand up to her cheek. "I had one. I failed."


    I shook my head. "No. You didn''t."


    She pulled my hand away just far enough to look at it, then down at where her feet squished in the stinking fluids I''d pulled from her. "Then why?"


    "You know why."


    She smiled. "Such power. So young. Terrifying."


    "Yep. That''s me. You know why else?"


    She stopped, thought, then leaned back into my hand. "Because I deserved death as much as I deserve another chance?"


    I nodded. "Yeah. You did some really awful shit." She nodded. "But now it''s in the past. Right, Diana?"


    She smirked at me. "So now you hide my secret name?"


    I smiled back. "Who named you Diana?"


    Another pause. "Shepherds. Merchants. Crafters." A long, long, pause that took an instant hovering here in M-Space, then her whole face glowed with realization. "Mortals."


    "And who named Artemis?"


    She didn''t even pause. She spat to the side. Mimic''s Maw is wide, and still caught it, and it flickered and flared into nonexistence. "Diana it is then." She looked down at the desecrated tentacle beneath her. "Artemis died here. Her loyalty to that fucking rapist ruling Olympus and everyone who stands with him died as well." She took a deep breath; even Gods and Souls seemed to feel the need to do that now and again. "So this time, rather than becoming the worst version of myself, mayhap I can be the best version? Maybe by helping you clean all this up?"


    I laughed, then plunged the tentacle she''d died on into Mimic''s Maw. I followed it in, nonexistence tearing at all of me, my scars most of all. A moment later I pulled back out, blinking, shivering and shaking the drops of nothing from my fur before sliding my Blend back up. "Nah. Maybe go help clean up the mess in Calverton, though?"


    She just stared at me, still glowing eyes wide as she hovered where the tentacle had been. "You... How does that not terrify you?"


    I shrugged. "You get used to anything eventually. Even terror. Get used to something long enough it''s... comforting, even."


    She laughed at that, maybe a little frantic, but not humorless. "So I see. What will you do while I''m in Calverton then?"


    "I''ve got a date I need to prep for. Gonna go talk to Dad first. Then gotta get with Marie about maybe putting a picnic basket together." I remembered something I''d intended to think about, to talk over with Saffron, but forgot, and now it was totally too late. "Uh... before you go?"


    "Yes, Mistress?"


    I cocked my head. "You still going on about that?"


    If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    She paused. Thought. "You are correct. Of course. Despite your efforts, Power still rules, and it would be impressive indeed for you to not be correct, for your nature to allow reality to remain incorrect. But... you are correct. Matriarch."


    Something rushed through me at that. I remembered the first time Saffron pointed out I was Isnomi''s Mom. The first time she called me Mama. The first time Maze called me Papa. This hit like that, only... deeper. Right down in that place where I wasn''t a tiny, frail, ephemeral thing of flesh and blood and bone, but a fucking Primordial Force of Nature. "Girl, you might regret that."


    She shook her head, laughing. "I regret many things. Decisions. Waste. Not pulling my brother''s head out of his ass before he got himself eaten. But that? Matriarch? Not any time soon, I think. But... did you have a question?"


    "Yeah. I got a date coming up. What the fuck am I gonna wear?"


    She paused. Stared at me. Then, laughing as she rose through the air arrowing toward Calverton, she called out, "I''ve always preferred skyclad."


    I sighed and stepped to Loki''s place. "Hey, Mom. Dad. Got a minute?"


    Loki looked up from where he''d been perusing a thick tome on his table. I didn''t remember getting him that, but then Saffron and Marie had both been here. Either one could have picked it up for him. "Of course. Did you need some Soul work after the battle?"


    I shook my head. "Where''s Mom?"


    He smiled. "She has never had many Clergy, but she decided to gather them to assist in Calverton. I brought mine as well, though..." He waved at himself. The scarring on his chest had gone down, and at some point he''d rearranged the chains that had once bound him to be more ''punk chic'' than ''horrifically bound'', but he still didn''t look exactly presentable.


    "Accompanying her as Lyman?"


    "Just so."


    I pulled my chair up and sighed. "Yeah, I got... a bunch of stuff to get off my chest."


    "Before your date tomorrow?"


    I grinned up at him, more than a little embarrassed. "Dad! Can''t I just want to maybe talk about some shady shit I just did for self improvement reasons?"


    He nodded, his face solemn. "Of course you can. You''re still clearing your slate to focus on her though, aren''t you?"


    "Yeah, I... Bless it, why you gotta be like that?"


    He laughed. "Because, Daughter, if you are truly to speak of things of import, you must speak truly of things of import." His smile softened. "You would do well to remember that your actions yesterday were the results of a promise you made to Maze and Artemis both..."


    "Diana."


    He nodded. "But she was Artemis at the time. But you made a promise, and yesterday you kept it. Did you think of it one bit in the time between?"


    I shrugged. "Not really."


    He shuddered just a little, and I couldn''t tell if it was real or fake. "So all of that was impromptu? Frighteningly impressive. At any rate, how often since you first stated your intent toward her have you thought about your upcoming assignation?"


    A goofy horny grin crept across my face. "Fuck, now I''m thinking about it right the fuck now when I ought to be talking about..."


    He shook his head, laughing. "No, not really. By nature, my daughter, you are capable of horrific things. As you''ve just shown. But... by preference? Which have you done when given your head?"


    "Heh. Giving head. Heh."


    He rolled his eyes. "I rest my case."


    I sighed. "Yeah, fine, fine. But... can we still talk about it?"


    He smiled and nodded. "Of course, Daughter."


    So we talked. For a moment, for a minute, for hours, forever. I... broke down and cried at one point, and he held me. I''ve never had a guy hold me and... just be dad. I mean, I''m me. I totally squealed out, "thank you, Daddy," when my shit stopped falling apart.


    At which point a size Norse Goddess hand cracked across my ass. "Stop flirting with your father, you incorrigible wench."


    I turned and leapt into an entirely different familial hug. "Mom!"


    "Your Novice, exhausted, is still trying her best to impress your Maenad, I think. Or she''s collapsed and is sleeping now."


    I held up one finger and concentrated on Murder Mittens. Given exactly how she was guiding the comparatively tiny hand held in hers, Karen had impressed her enough to get a lesson or two. "Yeah, not collapsed, but if I know my Marie, she''ll be down for the count in time to get rested up for Saturday."


    "So what is she to be doing on Saturday?"


    I grinned. "Babysitting!"


    She laughed. "And what will the three of you be doing with this, your first child free day in such a long time?"


    I grinned again. "Sister Siobhan!"


    She facepalmed. "Incorrigible. Utterly."


    My grin slipped. "You... am I doing something wrong?"


    She laughed through her hand. "No, Daughter. Well, not anything I would consider immoral. You''re not hiding her, or keeping her from your wife. Soon to be wives?"


    "Yeah! I mean, I''ve still got to find just the right time to ask her, and she''s still got to ask Saffron, but... Yeah! Gonna marry Marie so hard, she''s gonna forget we were ever not married."


    She chuckled at that. "You know, I''m not sure she truly remembers she''s not even now." I blinked, worried, but Sigyn shook her head. "Just proof that you are, in fact, going to ''marry her so hard'' she''s already forgotten you''re not married."


    We talked a while after that. Mostly about date night stuff. Eventually both of them convinced me to go with my uniform, of all things. No idea why, but I''m not gonna doubt the word of a couple that''s still so obviously into one another after centuries. Every now and then I popped into Marie''s head for a second, just to see how things were going. I think maybe if I''d already been in Karen''s head it might not have seemed so, I dunno, voyeuristic. I also really didn''t want to disturb Marie while she did Karen''s Trial. I mean, I know I kinda fucked with Saffron''s Trial, but then... Saffron. On top of her being such a boss bitch that I never worried about me actually throwing her off her game, she was Saffron. I don''t even know another way to say it.


    The last time I peeked I kinda peaked at the same time, because apparently Karen''s a quick study. Then again, Marie is a hard carry in duo queue, so it might have been all her. Either way, she panted, "Done." into my brain before she''d even caught her breath. What with Karen lying there looking about ten steps beyond ''artfully disheveled'', all the way to bordering on ''potential assault victim'', I figured she was pretty much right one way or the other.


    I turned to Loki and Sigyn and said, "I gotta..." only to have her wave me off. I smiled, gave them each a quick hug, and stepped to where Marie stood next to our Academy Suite bed. I threw my arms around her for a quick kiss and asked, "so...?"


    She pursed her lips, tilted her head, and put on a perfect ''considering'' pose for a few seconds before winking at me and saying, "Good."


    I leapt up to whisper in her ear, "you''re not just saying that so we have a babysitter tomorrow, are you?"


    Holy shit I did not know Marie could do that good of a ''who, me'' look. I gave her a quick peck on the cheek, then hopped down and gently shook Karen''s shoulder. "Hey, you still sane in there?"


    "No promises." She smiled up at me. Clearly exhausted, but smiling. "Am I dead?"


    I slipped two fingers to her neck and checked her pulse, just to be sure, because she was more than a little beat up. Nothing as bad as we''d left each other in the Practice Yard, but she''d still clearly gone a couple rounds with Marie in the ''attempting to do harm to one another'' sense. "Nope, sorry. Still got a pulse and everything. So... one more Trial left. You still gonna go through with this insanity?"


    She cracked one eye open and looked up at me. "You think I''m gonna give up now?"


    I shrugged. "Which has been the hardest part so far?"


    She wheezed out a laugh. "Marie. Definitely Marie."


    "And prior to that?"


    Her eyes rolled back just a little, but I couldn''t tell if it was from frustration or exhaustion. "Siobhan. Fourteen... Yeah, fourteen hours, I think? And then that one drags me off at sunset to spar, then spars me right into..." she blushed, finally realizing exactly where she was.


    I chuckled, taking her hand to help her up. "Yeah, Marie is awesome like that." I reached back and pulled Murder Mittens over to me with one arm around her waist. "But what was the hardest before that?"


    "The Smith, obviously." She paled. "Am... am I not supposed to call him that?"


    I shrugged. "Honestly, if you''re worried about it? Ask him. Politely. Noticed a pattern about your trials yet?"


    I watched as disbelief and horror warred on her face. Eventually they signed a ceasefire and covered her entire face with disbelieving horror. "You can''t mean..."


    "Last Halloween she wandered into his Workshop." Karen''s jaw dropped. "Afterward I had to tell her to stop bullying him."


    Karen''s ass thumped back down on the bed. Okay, it squished a little, because Marie hadn''t had time to change the sheets yet. "I... I thought I was better than this."


    "Hey, look, no hard feelings, if it''s too much it''s too much. You can even keep the dress. It looks really good on you."


    She shook her head. "No, no, apologies, My Goddess, I... I didn''t think I would be so susceptible to the Sunk Cost Fallacy. But here we are." She pushed herself to her feet. "I''m ready for my next... final? Trial."


    I took her by the hand, then stepped the three of us to the Love Shack. "Oh, no the hell you are not. I''d say you need a bath, but the dress will take care of that at," I reached out, felt the midday sun shining down, "sunset. You''re gonna need some rest." I leaned into Marie. "Can you make sure she gets something to eat, and whatever else she needs?" Karen opened her mouth like she was gonna complain or something, but I interrupted. "Trust me, Marie''s best Skills are actually in the kitchen." Her mouth shut with a snap as the warmth of a blush rushed through Marie''s skin. "Now. Get some rest, my would-be Priestess."


    With that I stepped us to the kitchen, dressing us both in Maid''s uniforms. Marie and I spent the rest of the day tinkering with food. I''d say ''playing'', but Marie in the kitchen ''plays'' like Kobe on the court or Tiger on the links. Not everything we tried worked out, of course. But I assuaged my guilt about wasting food by sending the leftovers to Karen. By the time sunset rolled around, we had a complete menu ready.


    I even picked out a basket!

 Day Four Hundred And Forty

    Dear Diary,


    "It''s always wonderful to get to know women, with the mystery and the joy and the depth. If you can make a woman laugh, you''re seeing the most beautiful thing on God''s Earth."


    - Keanu Reeves


    I guess it might be weird for me to say this now, or really for me to just realize this now in light of all the prep and energy I''ve put into it, but I think this is why I''ve been so pumped about this Date. I mean, yeah, hot sweet cool blonde babe, but if I just wanted wild sex with a hot blonde of any size, shape, or precise coloration my wife and favorite magnificent mammary haver is a fuckin'' shapeshifter. Literally, on occasion. So while I''d be lying if I said part of the anticipation wasn''t new chew toy anticipation, I think another, bigger part of it is getting to know a new person. Intimately, and in this very specific case I''m not using that as a metaphor for seeing how many cubic feet of me I can fit inside of her without damaging her.


    Yeah, I definitely don''t want to do that. I''m still a little shook by how easily I did what I did with Diana when she was Artemis. I don''t want to hurt Sister Siobhan, and I definitely don''t want to injure her. I''m not sure what I''m going to do if she asks me to, and I''m definitely going to need to have an extra long therapy sesh with the rents if it turns out she''s as fired up about grievous bodily injury as my favorite tiger lady. I really hope not, because ''I attract women who literally get off on having me hurt them'' is not something I want to deal with having on my resume. I mean, I don''t want it there in the first place, but if it''s there, if somehow I am flypaper for that particular flavor of freak, that''s gonna take some serious getting used to.


    I''m not sure I even want to.


    But what I do want? I want to see Sister Siobhan smile. I want to make her laugh. I want to see smiles of joy, smiles of humor, smiles of exhausted drooling satiation. Look, I''m sick and tired of getting guilt pangs for admitting I like sex. I got both barrels of neopuritan ''sex equals bad'' back in my old life, and I didn''t like them then. ''Sex is bad'' hits everybody, but ''women shouldn''t like sex or they''re especially bad people, and bad at womaning'' kinda hits women harder. Damn, now I wonder how that combo hits trans women. Do they have enough ''strong virile man like sex'' leftovers to let them admit to liking it without guilt, or does that culturally programmed male sex liking wind up making them feel extra guilty? Fuck, do some of them wind up identifying as women because they don''t like sex? That would be so fucked up. Like, ''be woman because woman despite junk'' is just a sane response to brain and junk not matching, but ''be woman because Ace'' is... Fuck, is my old world just as fucked up as this one, only without the excuse of Deific Intervention?


    Fuck it. For one fuckin'' day I''m gonna stop thinking about depressing shit and go get my fuck on. Anybody who doesn''t like it can go watch paint dry or whatever Ace people do. Not tryna be mean, just no fuckin'' clue. Maybe I''ll ask Conrad about it on a day I''m not DTF.


    So last night after Marie and I decided on a menu and I picked out a nice picnic basket, I stepped to the Love Shack. "Karen?"


    Startled, she looked up from where she''d been reading a novel. Her Holy Garb lay neatly folded on the foot of the bed, and she''d used some of the pillows to prop herself up, a tray of mostly eaten appetizers lying on the bed beside her, the bedsheet pulled up to her belly. I hadn''t even realized the bed had both a top and bottom sheet. I did, however, note that her free hand hadn''t been above the sheet when I arrived, even if she did yank it out and grab a fancy roasted broccoli to stuff in her mouth.


    "Didn''t know you read English?"


    I''m not sure what she expected me to ask, but I''m certain she hadn''t thought about answering when she stuffed a whole floret in her mouth. She chewed once, swallowed, and said, "I chose Rich Man''s Port for Law and Custom." She paused, glancing at the book, then back at me. "This is... ah..." She glanced back at the bookshelves in the headboard. "Are they all like this?"


    I shrugged. "Some are better. Some are worse. Some are so bad they''re funny. A few aren''t like that at all. At least one is basically a fuckstruction manual." I spotted it almost immediately and pointed to it. "That one, the one without any words on the spine. So if you ever wonder, like, ''how do I do two guys and a girl at once'' or some shit like that, I''m sure it''s got instructional pictures."


    She looked a little flustered and gabbled out, "I, ah, no, I don''t, but..."


    I held up a hand, and she went still. "Look, Karen, before we go any further, you need to know I''m a hands on kind of Goddess." She got a little more flustered and I followed that with, "not, like, ''my hands on you'', but like, ''when you are my High Priestess, I''m gonna be in your head on the regular, and you''ll be in mine''. Secrets aren''t really gonna be an easy thing. What with the whole ''Passion'' and ''Ecstasy'' thing, about the only way I''m not gonna know all the deets on who, when, and how you''re fucking is if you''re doing it so much I lose track, and you don''t seem to be the sort to bang the entire Alliance one person at a time. Amirite?"


    She stopped, her hand drifting back down to lie atop the covers, atop her thigh, while she did. "I hadn''t thought of it that way. I still want to be your Priestess, so I guess I''ll have to learn to live with it." She laughed. "Apologies, Goddess, but we''re taught to believe Gods to be omniscient, and I just realized that might not be the case except, specifically, for Clergy. Which would explain why they think so, wouldn''t it?"


    I shrugged again. "High Clergy, Highest especially, but yeah, pretty much. If it gets to be too much, you let me know, okay?" She nodded. "Now, about Marie. You okay with what happened?"


    She smiled, still a little self conscious, but also pretty fuckin'' smug. "I wouldn''t say, ''okay''. I would have said, ''ecstatically devastated'', but my Holy Garb put paid to the ''devastated'' part, and the ''ecstatically'' has faded to a pleasant... oh, my, this is what you meant by lack of secrets, isn''t it?"


    I chuckled a little. "Nah. I meant that if you pass your final Trial and wind up my High Priestess, we could have this conversation with you here and me in Calverton, and you could literally show me the full spectrum memory of exactly whatever Marie did to you. But... this is a start, yeah."


    She swallowed. "That will take some getting used to." She raised her hand asking for patience. "But I still desire to become your Priestess."


    "Okay. I just wanna be sure you''re not feeling some kinda way. Like, I dunno, violated, or fucked up because she''s not a guy or something." I watched her response, and relaxed just a bit when she didn''t show the slightest bit of tension at that.


    "Why would I feel violated? As for her being a woman... I''ve never been with a woman before, and when I think of potential partners my mind''s eye turns to men, but," she stopped, and grinned, and her hand twitched a little. "I can''t say that my first experience with a woman was unpleasant." She grinned at me. "I''ve a lot to live up to if she''s your standard, though."


    I laughed out loud at that. "Oh, fuck, she''s like, the gold standard, if you can rock somebody''s world half as well as Marie, you''re way better than me."


    She smiled a quiet little smile at me. "Better than Saffron, then?"


    "Oh, fuck no. My Kitten is a special kind of freak. She''s managed to catch up with Marie in that. I''m just lucky as fuck, I guess."


    Karen looked thoughtful. "So... is Mimic a Love Deity as well then?"


    I kinda choked at the thought that somebody would conflate ''love'' and ''lust'' like that, but given fuckin'' Aphrodite, I totally understood the thought process. At the same time, I wasn''t really ready to untangle that particular knot, especially what with half of my brain and all of my body wanting me to throw Sister Siobhan on a table and have her for lunch. Metaphorically. I hoped. "Yeah... um... she is the Mistress of Tentacles, so..."


    "You... oh... oh, my. Have you ever?"


    I smiled, slowly, getting a little lost in Sister Siobhan intentions. "Yeah. Yeah, we''ve done that. Good times."


    Karen blinked, then shook her head. "I''m not sure whether I want to find out or not, but I can say with confidence that I''ve no issues with representing you at Revels. I might want to, ah, ask your Concubine for some pointers now and again though?"


    "Are you asking to borrow my Concubine, my fianc¨¦, my soon to be wife, to show you how to have better sex?"


    "Yes?" She looked a little nervous, but she was stark naked in my bed, so maybe she had just a tiny bit of reason to be.


    "Asking my permission to show you how to please partners, or asking to use her as a subject to test your own Skills on?"


    "Both?"


    I glowered at her for half a second before I broke down laughing. "Okay. As long as she''s good with it. Just know that if you do that as my Priestess, I''m totally gonna be watching over your shoulder. I mean, probably. Unless I''m distracted. I''m easily distracted. So, y''know, if you''re feeling shy you might talk to Saffron about distracting me. I also have a terrible sense of humor, so you''ll probably want to get used to that."


    "As you wish, My Goddess." She bowed her head, and I realized she might want to get back to whatever she''d been doing.


    "Okay then. Get some rest when you''re done, you''re gonna want to be rested up for tomorrow. I''ll be back in the morning to pick you up."


    I stepped back to the Academy, where dinner had just wrapped up. All the tables in the Dining Hall were out and set and full, at least the back several rows full of kids of varying sizes. I waved Bonnie and Larry over to the table where most of the Persian Maenads sat nursing their kids. "Congratulations on your victory in Calverton, Commander!"


    "Eh. Our victory. Every one of us played a part in that. Even you two. If Bonnie hadn''t kept Lancaster House running, you wouldn''t have been able to keep the fuckin'' Army fed. Shit, I think you''re still gonna wind up feeding most of Calverton until Spring."


    Bonnie just shrugged that off. "So long as nobody minds fish, corn, and eggs, we should be fine."


    "Good. I need a favor from you though."


    She laughed. "What is it this time, Commander?"


    "Senior Cadet Karen Smith has gotten the idea in her head that I''m a Demigoddess in need of a Priestess. I kinda sorta tried to dissuade her by setting her a bunch of Trials to go through, but she''s managed to pass them all with flying colors. So today I''ve got one more for her, and I was hoping Lancaster House could play host to it."


    "What''s her final Trial?"


    "Babysitting Menace and all her friends for the day." I looked at the Maenads. "I was hoping you ladies could be there with your kids as well, to make sure she knows when and how to change a diaper."


    The Maenads looked at one another, and if the impish grins I saw were any indication, Karen would be knee deep in shit by midday at the latest. When I turned back to Bonnie, her grin wavered between impish and rueful. "So. You really don''t want her to be your Priestess then?"


    "Eh. One way I dissuade anybody from that kind of insanity. The other I get a babysitter for the Menace when the wives and I want to get some uninterrupted private time."


    Bonnie laughed. "I thought you had Marie for that. Wait, wives? Plural?"


    "Okay, everybody! Join hands, circle up! Menace! Get your people in the circle and holding hands!"


    Vaguely controlled pandemonium erupted as a maelstrom of kids got herded our way by Menace and her crew. Meanwhile the Maenads calmly stood and took their places around the outside of the circle. Bonnie, of course, stepped over to my side and hissed out, "wives?" as she took my hand.


    "If you were holding my other hand, you''d feel the engagement ring." I whispered back. "But... I''m a little busy at the moment. Deets Monday maybe?"


    She tilted her head back in a deliberate mockery of a haughty pose. "I''m holding you to that as a condition of using Lancaster House for your Priestess'' Trial."


    "Done."


    I stepped everybody back to Lancaster House, called for Saffron and Marie, and lost myself in the nightly routine.


    Mimic dreamt of ice pops. Disturbingly, crunching, crackling, and chewing half of them, but still. Ice pops.


    I woke in the morning and stepped to the Love Shack to find Karen standing there with her Holy Garb on. She also was kinda doing the pee pee dance. I''d forgotten both that she still needed to worry about that kind of thing and that she couldn''t just Translocate. I''d have to Boon her with that shit if she managed to survive the day. Also, based on my sudden need to see Sister Siobhan in that dress and my newfound knowledge that Karen didn''t shave her equally red hair down there, I realized that her Holy Garb wasn''t the most Kid Friendly.


    "Okay, yeah, no, I''m calling an audible on the Yandere Shobitch dress for today. Uniform or casual."


    She blinked, looked down at me, and asked, "would casual be more than you''re wearing?"


    I realized just then that I''d hopped over to the Love Shack wearing what I wore to sleep and, most times, to the Love Shack, that being ''nothing''. "Oh. Nah, I meant like non-uniform skirt and blouse, or pants and blouse, or whatever. Naked is an option, because fuck anybody so prudish they can''t see a tit without thinking about sex and screaming about it, but I''m not gonna parade you around nude unless you''re down for it." Then I had a thought. "Speaking of, though, if you want a bit of an advantage on your Trial today?" She tilted her head, nodded, and I said, "you''d win some points with Menace if you go through the morning routine with the extended family. That includes a whole bathroom routine, which starts but does not end naked."


    "That''s... not what I''m used to."


    "Hey, like I said, it''s an option. Bonus points. Not. Required. Just like..." I sighed. "Look, it''s like the sex thing we talked about last night. I''m never gonna tell you that you''ve gotta have sex. Consent. Important. But if you want to be celibate for the rest of your life, you being my Priestess probably isn''t gonna work. Shit, I''m not gonna tell you that you can''t try, but... y''know... Celibate and Lust aren''t usually a good fit."


    She barked out a laugh, and started removing the Yandere Shobitch Wedding Gown. "I''d give you evidence that I''m not celibate, but my Holy Garb has removed it all." A few moments later, because apparently Conrad had decided ''ease of removal'' was just as important as ''ease of access'', she stood naked in front of me. Slim, pale, freckled, very redheaded, with her Holy Garb folded up over one arm, underthings included. "Well. Lead on, my Goddess."


    I took her hand and stepped her to the bathroom, which still stood empty. I took her Holy Garb and nodded to the toilet. "Oh, thank Goddess."


    "I''m putting your Garb here in the Armoire on the end. Don''t let the kids at it, please? I''m not sure how the glass will react to, y''know, normal little kid amorality."


    Then the door opened and the normal morning routine began. If Karen looked a little overwhelmed, it was readily apparent that it stemmed from ''holy shit that''s a lot of kids'', not ''holy shit I''m naked in front of a bunch of kids''. Then again, at least half of them came in either naked or doing clothes wrong anyhow, and by now pretty much all of the women in the suite had followed our lead and taken to sleeping with the bare minimum they needed for comfort. We had plenty of kids who only visited on occasion, and some moms from the Ladies'' Quarters and elsewhere who stayed when their kids did. After evacuating all the kids to the Academy during the Liberation of Calverton for safety, that meant we had a few like that, who stripped off their nightshirts right before climbing in the bath, but there were enough itinerant bathers that Karen didn''t stand out so much for being new as she did for being redheaded and, not to put too fine a point on it, buff and maybe a little bit hot.


    Kitten?


    Yes, Goof?


    Mana Shaping correlates to Personality, right?


    And Endurance, but yes.


    Personality correlates to hot, right?


    A fuzzy chuckle rubbed at the inside of my brain and my lady bits. Yes, love, Siobhan''s Personality is above average.


    Totally... Totally not what I was asking about. Just kind wondered why The Master Bitch was such a bitch.


    ''Hot'' can still be an asshole. Also, yes, all Cadets, and even moreso Senior Cadets, are going to be attractive. Unless they''re so personally repugnant that they counteract their basic force of Personality.


    I nodded, then just went about my morning. Credit where it''s due, Karen helped out where she could, handing Saffron clean washcloths and soap, getting me fresh stacks of warm towels, and even helping Marie dress the smaller kids. Of course, she looked a little... stressed once Menace, who led the whole kid parade, had Marie dress her up in her little Cadet Uniform, at which point she clambered onto an armoire shelf and stood there, hands behind her back, watching Karen like a vulture. Okay, she probably intended to watch her like a hawk, but she was still a little kid, and it totally came out like a vulture. I''m not sure Karen appreciated the difference, because she kept glancing over at Isnomi, who would try to do the lifted eyebrow thing each and every time.


    When everyone else had gone through the bath, which entailed Karen heating up a few extra kettles of water, Saffron gestured to the tub in front of her. After a moment''s hesitation, Karen climbed in, Menace still watching her. "I''d say I don''t need a bath, but I think I''ve worked up a bit of a sweat. But... Imperator..."


    Saffron smiled. "You think you should be bathing me?" Karen nodded, and Saffron just turned her around and started scrubbing. "I find this... soothing. Centering. Every day I lead the Council, I am forced to be the iron fist in the velvet glove."


    I couldn''t help a snorted out, "forced."


    She smiled at me. "Oh, hush you velvet glove you." Before I could even process exactly what she meant by that, she turned back to Karen. "This allows me to be... kind. Gentle. Caring. It reminds me of the value of all those things. The fact that I do it in the suite provided by one of the two most vexing people I deal with on a daily basis is just icing on the cake." She looked over at Marie. "I still need you to make me a batch of icing for her." She nodded to me.


    "Honey?"


    "Not the same. Although that was lovely." She''d never stopped scrubbing, and after dumping a kettle over her to rinse her off, she gave Karen a playful slap to get her moving my way.


    "So. Still want to be my Priestess? No pressure if you don''t. You can back out at any time, although I''m gonna be hella pissed if you make me come back in the middle of the day today. I''ve got plans."


    As I toweled her dry she thought about it. "You''d truly not hold it against me?"


    I shrugged. "Of course not. This whole thing was your idea." I toweled her hair dry and continued. "I mean, I''m not down for having just any random bitch off the street representing me. So, y''know, Trials. But these are ''do you have what it takes to stand in for me and do what I''d do'' Trials, not ''did you commit a crime'' Trials, y''know?"


    "In your place?" I swear her eyes didn''t twitch toward Marie, then Saffron, but they didn''t not twitch, either.


    I surprised myself by just laughing. I turned her toward Marie and said, "Concubine. Fianc¨¦." Then I turned her toward Saffron. "Wife. Neither of them are property. If they want you filling a me-shaped hole when I inexplicably can''t make it to the party? Worst case is you might find yourself with a me shaped me draped over you as well. As a third bonus prize, just so we''re clear."


    "Goddess... I didn''t..."


    "Do or say or imply anything I''m not cool with. Also, Marie leaves an impression. My Murder Mittens makes me melty." I gave her a gentle shove in Marie''s direction before I walked over and got in the bath with Saffron.


    The two of us both had ''urge to finish as quickly as possible'' battling with ''urge to pre game'', but with Isnomi watching we kept things playful and stupid rather than ''Karen gets to see the Imperator''s O-face''. We got to toweling one another off just as Marie put the finishing perfect touches on Karen''s Cadet Uniform. While Karen stood there imitating Isnomi''s parade rest, Marie dressed Saffron in Glowing Midnight, putting each and every bit on as precisely as a squire girding a knight in a suit of armor. When she finished, Saffron gave her a quick kiss, then stepped over to me and said, "see you after your date, love."


    She disappeared, and Karen looked at me as Marie dressed me in my own Cadet Uniform. "Date?"


    I smiled, because I could not think of my upcoming date and do anything else. "Yeah." She glanced at Marie, and I shook my head. "Nah. Sister Siobhan."


    "From the Infirmary?"


    I nodded, only to have Marie tap my forehead once as I managed to get my hair tangled in my collar by doing so. "Yeah. She''s totally cute, and for some inexplicable reason she''s into me, so... yeah. Date."


    "You''ve got a wife."


    "Yep."


    "And a Concubine. A Maenad Concubine, just to be clear."


    "Yeah?"


    "And you''re going on a date with the Infirmary Healer."


    I nodded. "And Sigyn approves."


    She blinked, like she really didn''t understand what that had to do with it. "I''m just... I''m a little in awe at your, uh, appetite."


    At that point our tiniest overlord piped up. "Mama eath ewwyfing."


    That tempted me to call my itty bitty Predatory Terror to heel, but right then Marie said, "Truth." Then she spun me about once, double checking everything, gave me a quick kiss on the lips, said, "Kitchen." and disappeared.


    Karen just shook her head. "I still want to, mind you, but I''m not sure I''m sufficient to the demands of being your Priestess."


    I pulled her in for a hug, then held her at arm''s length, one hand on each shoulder. "If it ever gets too much, you tell me. All I can ask is that you give it your best shot. If you try and fail..."


    "I get back up and try again."


    I slapped her shoulder. "That''s the spirit! Seriously, though, Consent is important, but so are responsibilities. If those come in conflict, you tell me about it, okay?"


    "Yes, my Goddess."


    "Okay, cool. Menace!"


    My little one hopped down from a shelf at least twice her height and scampered over to us, to stand looking up at Karen. "Yeth, Mama?"


    "This is Karen. She''s going to be your babysitter today. That means she''s standing in for Mom and Marie and I." She looked a little pouty. "Hey, kiddo, we all adore you, you know that, and we''ve got some things we need to do today, so we''re putting a genuine Academy Senior Cadet here to make sure you''re safe. I know it''s your first time meeting her, but she''s gonna do her best, right?"


    Karen took the cue like a pro. "That''s correct. I''m here to take care of you, make sure you''re safe, to watch over you."


    I nodded. "At the end of the day, I''m gonna ask you how she did. So maybe if we need a sitter again she can fill in, if you''re okay with that. So pay attention to her, right Menace?"


    Pouty Isnomi tried to hide Menace and failed, because I am definitely enough of a Mom to see through that. "No injuring her, or anyone else, including yourself, on purpose. Got it?"


    She sighed. "Yeth, Mama."


    "Absolutely no killing her or eating any part of her. Or anyone else. If someone needs killing that much, you tell her and she''ll take care of it. Got it?"


    My tiny terror rolled her eyes, sighed, and said, "Yeth, Mama."


    I turned to Karen, who looked like she both wanted to believe that I''d been kidding, and realized with growing panic that I hadn''t. "You ready?"


    "Yes, Goddess."


    "Want one more bit of an advantage with this one? Even if it might not seem like it right now?"


    "Yes?"


    I nodded, then flexed whatever part of me governed Boons and shapeshifting. I put one hand atop her head and pushed, gently, shrinking her until she stood there looking like she was maybe twelve years old. She was definitely a skinny tomboyish twelve, but still twelve. I placed her hand in Menace''s, gave my daughter a quick kiss on the forehead, said, "Have fun you two!" and stepped to the Academy Kitchen.


    I turned to Marie, ''is it ready'' on my lips, only to be met by a picnic basket bigger than Isnomi. Hell, it was bigger than Liam. I think gawky teenager Karen might have fit inside. As the weight hit my arm, she gave me a kiss, said, "Luck." and stepped away.


    With a grin so big it hurt plastering itself across my face, I stepped to the Infirmary. I had a moment of disappointment when I saw Grandma Aetos sitting at Sister Siobhan''s desk. Then Grandma nodded to someone behind me, and Sister Siobhan squealed, her slippers making almost no sound as she rushed toward me. "Orderlies! Grandmother Aetos is in charge until I return. Doctor DeLeon is available in case of emergencies." Then she grabbed onto my free arm, looked up at me, and said, "Take me, Hero."


    I spun her around, tucking her under my arm without ever jostling her loose. After a nod to Grandma Aetos, I stepped us away to the endless undulating field of tentacles. I''d picked a spot as far to the west as I could; false dawn still painted the eastern sky. Sister Siobhan looked around, eyes wide, as I watched. "Are we... is this where you intend to seduce me? Here, in the Land of the Gods?"


    I chuckled and set the basket down. Then I scooped her up, setting her ass in the crook of my elbow. Not quite as short as Saffron, so the top of her head was definitely higher than mine, but not quite as curvy either, so she sort of fit better. "Seduce is probably too fancy for the amateur rizz I''m about to throw at you." While I spoke, tentacles reached into the basket, pulling out a cozy quilted blanket, just big enough for two people to lay on if they were friendly. They spread it out, taut, and set the basket atop it.


    "You won''t be stealing away my virginity then?" She sounded so fake sad I almost bought it.


    Instead I replied, "Nope." Her face fell. "Not stealing. I''mma tease you until you give it to me."


    "Oh. In that case," she leaned forward, her arms going around my neck.


    "Whoa!" I swung her around, and she laughed as I gently set her ass down on the blanket, then knelt in front of her. "I have a whole plan in place. Gonna ease you into every last little thing. But..."


    She blushed, but said, "that too?"


    I pulled out the first of three bottles, this one supposedly spring water, and popped the cork. "No. I mean, if that''s what you''re into. If that''s what you want to try. I''ll try anything you like. But I want you to know, right now, before we get started..."


    "Yes?"


    I thought about what I wanted to say for another second. "There''s a song where I''m from. There''s a lyric that says, ''loving is the ocean, kissing is the wet sand''. Do... do you get what I mean when I tell you that?"


    She smirked up at me, a little pink climbing into her cheeks. "That kissing you will get me wet?"


    The drink of water I''d been taking went down the wrong pipe at that. After reminding myself that I belonged to the breathing optional club, I said, "I mean. I hope so. I really hope so, because I''m not kissing you while you''ve got clothes on, because I am absolutely certain I will not wait until the end of the kiss to start deflowering you."


    She smiled as she reached up and started undoing her headdress. "My robes won''t get in the way that much."


    "More than I''m comfortable with. And I don''t want to rip them... No, no, I do want to rip them off of you, but I don''t want to be that rough with you. Or... maybe I do, but I want you to enjoy this, and I don''t know if you would enjoy that, so... pre kiss, you naked. If... if that''s okay?"


    If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    She tilted her head as she set her habit to the side, then shook her hair out. Her long, straight, blond tresses cascaded free, and I almost gave up on the picnic plan right there. "Will you disrobe for me first?"


    "Like, now first? Or then first?"


    She laughed. "Either. Both. I am your prize, after all."


    "Both? How do I... Wait, no." I stood, then struck one of those heroic weightlifter poses, one that flexed my biceps, my pecs, my thighs. Almost the one I''d done for the boys, but maybe a little less imposing and a little more heroic. Then I banished my clothes. She gasped, and I shifted the pose to the same one I''d done for the boys, because it let me look at her. She slow blinked, like she didn''t want to close her eyes, and her face got a little bit pinker.


    "Hero?"


    "Yes, Sister?"


    "You... have some list of things we must do before you kiss me?"


    I shrugged, and hid my grin as two very pointed undeniable signs of interest showed she''d continued with the whole ''no underwear'' thing. "I mean, ''must'' is kinda strong, but yeah, I''m gonna get you as worked up as I can before that happens."


    She wavered a little. "If I cannot... cannot..."


    My clothes back in place, I knelt behind her, one arm holding her up, the other inches away from her face. "That''s entirely up to you. I can wait for you to wake back up, and continue then. I can try and wake you. I can gently Stabilize you awake." She blinked, nodded, face flushed and eyes not quite tracking. I leaned up to her ear and breathed, "or I can wake you screaming my name as you come for me."


    I couldn''t help it, I giggled as she collapsed back into my arms. Point to Tabitha this early in the game. What with her not actually choosing her fate, I sat down tailor fashion, using tentacles to lay her comfortably across the blanket. Then I unloaded most of the basket, all but the two remaining bottles, arranging the little plates and napkins within easy reach. Sister Siobhan stirred just as I finished. She looked up at me in the light of the rising sun. "My Hero is... she shows such restraint."


    I smiled at her. "Yep. Gonna do that until... I stop doing that." I took a deep breath. "Gonna keep doing it. Like I said, I want you to enjoy this." She moved to argue, and I said, "it''s important to me." I channeled my inner Saffron, trying to spell things out properly. "Your reactions, your positive reactions, are my biggest prize here." Maximum formality and coherence expended, I followed that with, "not the only prize. I''ve got plans. Word salad plans. But first... you."


    She swallowed. "Hero?" I nodded. "Wake me gently. Stabilize me if need be. But..." she paused, clearly working herself up. "I want to be awake, the first time."


    I ran my hand down her hair. So smooth, so silky. I really wondered if all her hair felt like that. "What if you pass out in the middle of it?"


    Her face fell for a moment, then she reached back and ran her fingers through my hair in a mirror of what I''d kept doing to hers. "Keep. Me. Awake. Please."


    "Even if it makes you come harder?"


    "Eh... Eh... Especially the..."


    I let a Stabilize flow into the base of her sternum like warm honey. When her eyes fluttered open, I said, "I worry a little bit about you. Like, are you anemic, or maybe malnourished, or, I dunno, have a tumor or something. I''m definitely having you Assessed in the very near future."


    "Not before?"


    I took a deep breath, let it out. "I have waited for two fucking Seasons for this. I am not waiting another blessed day. If whatever it is kills you, I can literally Revive you as often as it takes to finish you." I slipped my fingers through her silky hair, turned her to face me squarely, and said, "and I absolutely fucking will."


    "Please."


    "Please what?"


    "Please take me, Hero."


    "You gonna be mad."


    She jerked her head against my hand. "I swear I will not. I am yours to do with as you wish."


    I smiled, and reached out to pick up the contents of the first plate, literally just two Marie-enhanced string beans. "Good. I wish... to feed you."


    She giggled. "To what?" Then her eyes got wide as I gripped the ends of both string beans in my teeth and leaned over in front of her. I raised my eyebrows, and she lunged forward. I caught her with our lips millimeters apart.


    Go on. Bite down. Taste. They''re incredible.


    She bit and swallowed all in one motion. "Not as incredible as my Hero."


    I gulped down the tiny ends left between my teeth. "Holy shit, Sister! Slow down! Chew! I don''t want you choking to death."


    She fluttered her eyelashes. "I thought you said you''d just Revive me?"


    "I mean, yeah, I will, but I''d intended that for, y''know, death due to excessive orgasm. Not death due to gagging on green beans."


    "I don''t gag?"


    I sat there as flustered as her for a second. "Very blonde. Good to know." When my brain rebooted I said, "can you please at least try to taste the rest?"


    "Why?"


    "I have reasons! Okay, mostly reason. Because I spent a bunch of time working with Marie on these."


    "You made them? I''m so sorry, Goddess. I..."


    I slipped my fingers over her lips, and tried not to let my brain shut down as she licked them. "No, no. Marie did most of that. But... I want you to taste what we picked out and what she made, and..." She just waited, her eyes slipping closed as she took my fingers into her mouth and sucked them. "I want to taste them on your lips."


    She pulled away, almost pulling my fingers with her. "I definitely made a mistake. Just the flavors on your fingers are exquisite. Was the texture as good?"


    "Yeah."


    She finally opened her eyes. "Feed me then, Goddess. Feed me. Kiss me. Take me. Impose your gentle, inexorable, implacable will on me, on my body. Force every reaction you could ever dream of from me. I am yours to do with as you will."


    It took me a minute to get myself under control enough to say, "I almost ruined your robes just there."


    She smiled. "You could remove them just as easily as you did yours."


    "Yeah. Wanted to hear them tear, watch your face as they did."


    "So do it."


    I shook my head. "Want to see you take them off for me. Slowly." When she moved to rise, I held her down. "After I feed you."


    She smiled again, said, "so feed me," then closed her eyes and opened her mouth.


    I fed her. One bite at a time. I traced her lips with spices and sugar, watching her tongue as she licked it off. I had her watch me bite the top off a strawberry, then fed her the rest. She swallowed that one whole, smirking about how it was, after all, just a regular strawberry. I mashed a blueberry against her tongue and had her suck my thumb clean. After every bite I ran my fingers across her lips, then licked them clean. I held a thin stick of fried breaded cheese in my mouth, and she took it from me gently with hers, savoring the taste even as she pulled at my hand still twined in her hair, trying to put our lips together.


    "Only one dish left, Hero." I''d drawn things out, but we''d only started with maybe a dozen small plates, with one or two bites each. I''d never intended to, y''know, stuff Sister Siobhan. With food. Maybe raw calamari. My brain had all it could do to keep from stuffing every single opening on her body full, and I could tell she might just let me. Fuck, she''d said she would let me. I realized right then that I''d had tentacles stroking her calves, her shins, for the past couple bites. I froze, they froze, and she smiled at me, brighter than the sun itself.


    "Yeah." I took a deep breath. "Yeah. Naked time."


    "You first." As I went to stand, she grabbed my arm. "Slowly, please?"


    I smiled down at her. "If you faint while I''m undressing, I can''t guarantee you won''t wake up unkissed." I unbuttoned my jacket and slipped it off. "Fuck," I growled as she lay down on her side, barely propping her head up. "I can''t guarantee you''ll wake up unfucked, and I can''t believe I just said that. Consent is important, what is fuckin'' wrong with me?" I asked as I kicked one, then the other foot back, slipping my boots and socks off with helpful tentacles.


    "I Consent, Hero. Since you seem to need me to say it plainly. I Consent. To anything and everything, no matter my response. Kiss me, take me, swallow me whole, I am yours."


    My eyes uncrossed as I slipped my pants down. Sister Siobhan grinned and said, "look over there?" pointing off to the south. I turned, but other than the endless field of gently undulating tentacle tips, saw nothing.


    "What am I looking at?"


    "I have no idea, but I''m staring at an incredible profile. Especially that..." she paused, and I tossed my pants aside and stood. "That ass." She fanned herself and dumped the whole fuckin'' bottle of water over her head. "That''s... that''s better."


    "Your dress."


    "When you''ve removed your shirt and... oh." She pinked up nicely, the blush going well past her nipples.


    "Sheer."


    She chuckled. "Oh, no. You might see my naked... oh, wait." She rose, and in one smooth motion pulled her dress over her head. Before she set it aside, with it still covering her face, my tentacles exposed where they slid along and around her calves, tentatively reaching to touch her knees, her lower thighs, she said, "Hero?"


    "Yes, Sister?"


    "I... I don''t know how long I can last. I am frail. I am fragile."


    "I''ll be careful."


    "No. NO, you won''t, because... because I don''t want you to. Take me. Take all of me. Take me all at once. Leave no inch of me unplundered. Drop me in Saffron''s lap laughing because there is no inch of of me left unexplored. Do that... do that the first time. Please."


    "Holy. Fucking. Shit. You want me to fuckin'' speed run the purity test with you."


    "I have no idea what that means, but... yes? If you will? If you want?"


    "I''m gonna make you scream my name first."


    I heard tears in her voice when she said, "Please. I don''t know if I''ll last a second time. I..."


    "Stop." She went silent immediately. "I meant, after my tongue explores your mouth, I''m going to leave your mouth free to scream ''Tabitha'' so loud they hear it in fuckin'' Europa while I penetrate every bit I can penetrate on you. When I''ve heard that, I''ll show you what I want you do to to me. Now. Take. That. Dress. Off."


    The tentacles on her calves lunged up to catch her shoulders, and I brought another in to slide a Stabilize along her spine. Her eyes popped open, her dress on the floor already. I promised myself special rewards for not ripping it. Then I grinned at her and said, "Sister Siobhan?" She looked at me, and I bent at the waist to pick up the last dish. Her tongue already licked at her lips as I picked the brown, dusty sphere up and stalked toward her.


    "That''s... large, ish?"


    I looked down; it was maybe a little bigger than a shooter marble, maybe the size of my first thumb joint. "I thought you said you didn''t gag?"


    "I guess we''ll find out."


    I stepped closer, then realized she hadn''t stood up yet. "Do you... Hoo... say yes and I''m not sure I can hold back. Do you want me to keep holding you up?"


    "Pose me as you will, Hero."


    I lifted her, brought her to me, supporting her by her shoulders, her forearms, her calves. Her hands alternately stroked and clutched my tentacles, and moment to moment her eyelids fluttered. When she got within easy kissing distance, I put one arm around her and lifted the final treat to her lips. I rubbed it across them, and her tongue darted out involuntarily. Her eyes shot open. "What is that?"


    "Chocolate. Marie scored me some. Now." I twined my hand into her hair, pinned her in place with hand and tentacle. Others slipped up to her biceps, her thighs, wound around her belly.


    "T... Hero?" I painted her lips again, then shoved the ganache into her mouth. She moaned as she swallowed. "So good."


    "Ready?"


    "Please."


    I leaned over, my tongue darting out to touch her lips. I teased her, taunted her, touched her lips with my tongue again and again as she writhed, trying to lunge at me. Her eyes rolled back in her head, but she kept trying to get to me even as I slipped Mana into her spine via Stabilize. "Ready?"


    Her eyes shot open, frantic, glaring, hungry. "Fuck m..."


    My tongue plunged into her mouth, my lips locking to hers. They vibrated as she groaned, her hands trying to grab at me. I smiled as I turned her, letting my hands roam across her belly, her breasts, slipping my fingertips across her nipples as she shuddered. I stroked her thighs and shoulders with tentacle tips, then slipped a pair between her legs. One slipped in easily, at least at first, as she moaned into my mouth again. I tilted her head back as I kept turning her until I pressed her back to me, my hands first focused on her breasts, one then slipping down between her thighs.


    She slumped backward, and I trickled a Stabilize into her left nipple. Her back arched and she gasped as I pulled my mouth away from her. "I''d fill your mouth too," I whispered, "but I want. To hear. You scream." With each phrase, I slipped further into her. I looked through her eyes, felt through her skin, focused on the feel of my tentacle filling her, gently pressing her open. I writhed, looking for the spot, and she responded, writhing in turn. "My... my Hero..."


    "If you pass out on me, I swear I''m gonna Stabilize your fuckin'' clit." I half growled, half laughed. Then I froze.


    "What... what would that feel like?"


    I slipped a single finger into her, then up to massage her hood back. She swelled beneath me, shuddering, and I froze again. "Like that, only way more intense." One of my tentacles reached for the second bottle, pouring oil over her ass, over the tentacle playing with it. Yeah, sixth for me, but Saffron put it closer to second or maybe third, and it''s not like Sister Siobhan had an opinion yet. Her eyes shot open as I slipped inside, my tentacles inside her pussy sliding into motion again. "OH! Goddess... that''s... intense."


    Still feeling through her, I kinda agreed. "Too much?"


    "No? Just... heat. Spicy."


    My hands still tangled in her hair, I turned her to face me, kissed her. "So... just the tiniest bits of spice for Sister Siobhan Darling, so she tastes everything else that much more intensely?"


    She rolled and writhed at that, but moaned out, "hearing you... you call me darling..."


    I chuckled, and she convulsed as my tentacles found the spot inside her as my finger ran along under her hood. "You first, remember?" I slipped more inside her, stroked her, played with her, faster as her back arched, I turned her and put my mouth over her nipple, sliding the edge of my teeth across it as I plunged into her faster and faster.


    "Goddess! Goddess! GODD..." before she even lost tension I slipped Mana directly into her clit through my finger. "TABITHA!"


    She screamed my name. She screamed it so loud my ears hurt from it, over and over as I kept her coming, bucking against my hands, plunging into her as I did. She screamed and came until her voice broke, her guts clenched, hard, and didn''t unclench, and I froze as she whispered out, "Tabitha... goddess... did you like that?"


    I lifted my mouth, turned her to whisper into her ear. "Did you?" She just whimpered, and I laughed, low and thick. I had a thought and it came out through my utter lack of filter at the moment. "I''m gonna do something to ya."


    "That... that wasn''t something?"


    "Somethin maybe bad."


    "If..." she swallowed, "if it matters, I Consent. Enthusiastically. If it will feel anything like that? I''m not Consenting, I''m demanding. Now, now, now."


    I lay my hand, one finger still slick, over her belly, felt the muscles knotted there. "Sore?"


    "Yes. A little. I''m not sure I could... Oh." She went silent as I slipped a Heal into her, the muscles going loose. Then starting to tense again. "What?"


    "If you Heal someone after they work out, they won''t get stronger. If you Heal someone, their body doesn''t get to react to things naturally. To get used to things. So it''s just the same reaction every time."


    "Did... It''s going to be that intense every time?"


    "I dunno. But I hope so. ''Cause if it does I''m gonna keep doing that to you every time after."


    "Holy Goddess I am going to die and I''m begging you to kill me that way and I love fucking life."


    "Sister! I don''t think I''ve ever heard you curse before?"


    She turned her head as far as I would let her and smiled at me. "Who''s cursing? This is life with fucking, and I love it."


    I leaned back, my own tentacles supporting me, and leaned her back across me. I slipped one hand back between her legs. "Paying attention?"


    "How could I not?"


    I slipped two fingers inside her, slipping tentacles out to make room. She gasped, and I peeked into her brain as I sought out those spots again. My thumb toying with her clit, I said, "I don''t want to hear you scream my name this time."


    "N... no?"


    I shook my head as I pulled her lips almost to mine. "I want to feel it." Our lips slid together, and I stroked her with my fingers, my thumb. My tentacles rubbed across her nipples, and I felt the world go fuzzy for her. Fuzzier... fuzzier... I let Mana leak out of my thumb, out of my fingers, and she screamed into my mouth, her whole body arching, forcing my fingers to press deeper, rub harder. Again I let her scream my name until her voice devolved to mewling whimpers.


    Again I slipped my hand across her belly, her throat, Healing her. "I don''t know if I''m going to emerge from this entirely sane, Tabitha."


    "Say it again?"


    "Tabitha?"


    "Yeah. Nice. Me likey. Now, you paying attention?"


    "Holy Goddess what are you going to do nyyaaahhh..." I''d lifted her up and around, sliding her knees over my shoulders, slipping my tongue inside of her. The taste of her, almost citrus sour, lit a hunger in me, and my tongue roamed her labia, her lips, sliding up, tilting her until I lapped at her clit, my hands fondling her breasts, fingers rubbing across her nipples.


    I wanna hear it again.


    "Oh. Oh Goddess, this is different. Slower. It''s... Goddess... Oh, Goddess..." I lapped at her more, insistently, fiercely. I sucked at her, feeling her swell in my mouth, letting her press against my teeth. I gently pinched at her nipples, and her back arched with agonizing slowness. "Oh... Oh, Goddess.... Oh... Oh... Tabitha..." She panted my name, over and over, like a mantra, until her whole body snapped rigid, pressing her pussy into my face. "TABITHA!"


    No Stabilize this time. No Mana. Just her, coming for me, calling my name as she writhed and bucked and I didn''t stop until the heaving, bucking, twitches stopped, and she whispered, "oh, my Hero. My beautiful, loving Goddess. My Tabitha. That was wonderful."


    I stood, stretching, until she lay before me, legs hooked over my hips. I lifted her enough to look me in the eye, and shifted to boy mode. She tensed. "You no like?"


    She swallowed. "I am yours to do with as you wish, Hero."


    I shook my head, back to normal, and her legs wrapped around me. "What I wish is to hear you, feel you, scream my name while flooded with pleasure."


    She giggled. "Done!"


    I chuckled in response, tentacles moving her around, flipping her face down as I leaned back on a set myself, spreading my legs open. "Were you paying attention, Sister?"


    She looked a little overwhelmed, but not unwilling, as I lowered her toward me. "Hands, please, Goddess?" I slipped the tentacles around her arms up to her shoulders, then down to her breasts. "That''s... very distracting."


    "Hmmm... Yeah, but I like how they feel when they stiffen and crinkle."


    "How does that feel?" I lifted her up until she could reach my nipples with her hands, then her tongue. "Oh, that is delightful."


    "You''re telling me?" Mana raced through me, and I groaned. "Fuck, S... Sister."


    "Tch. Almost."


    "Wanna know a secret?"


    She slid her palms over my breasts, my nipples responding to her touch, my brain fuzzing and fritzing. "About you? Always?"


    "I completely lose control of my mouth if I come hard enough."


    "Oh! Well then. I hope I''m a quick learner." She pushed down, and I lowered her until she lowered her mouth over my clit, tongue slipping down to lap at my pussy before slipping back up to tease at me. I lay back and just let her please me, moving us both as she shifted her hands, pressing me to move me so she could reach my breasts with one hand. I growled and groaned as her hand worked at my breast, my nipple, my clit, and I stiffened in response.


    "Shit, you keep dragging this out I''m gonna fuck you mercilessly the moment I come. You''re gonna be coming too hard to hear your own fuckin'' name."


    She lifted her head, smiled at me, and said, "oh. No. Not that. Whatever shall I..." she pursed her lips and blew. The cold air shocked me, shoving me closer again, but refusing to let me slip over the edge. She held me there, sliding me back and forth with her tongue. I almost came, and she stopped, giggled, and said, "Saffron is right. Just like pie." Then she went back to work, pushing me back to the edge she''d let me slip back from. I felt her fingers slip inside me as her mind slipped into mine. Thinking wasn''t a thing, just feeling, I had no idea what she was...


    She found that spot.


    "CUNTLICKINGFINGERBLASTINGFUCKINGICEPOPFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!"


    I didn''t think. Tentacles writhed around her, plunged into her, Mana flowing directly into every sensitive spot on her body as she unleashed a fucking Stabilize with her fucking fingers and tongue at the same time.


    "ICEPOPMANAFUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! SIOBHAN!" I screamed her name as she screamed into me, onto me, both of us locked in place in an endless cycling orgasm. I screamed her name over, and over, and over, until my throat was raw, my voice hoarse.


    I slipped her up along me, sliding along the sweat that drenched both of us, enjoying the overwhelming, excessive sensation as her nipples slid across mine. She lay there, limp, atop me, arms dangling to either side. "Hey. Siobhan. Need a Revive?"


    She groaned as her lips curved. "No. I am dead. This is my afterlife. My reward. My eternal reward is being my Goddess'' eternal reward." She groaned again. "Oh, I may be paralyzed though."


    I chuckled. "Can you move your arms? Your fingers?"


    She flopped one arm over above her head, then slid it back until two Pumpkin Spice drenched fingers lay just under my nose. She wiggled them. "I guess so."


    "Good enough. Your tongue still works. I''ll move the rest."


    She giggled, then laughed, then groaned as she curled up laughing atop me. "Oh. Oh, Goddess. Oh, Tabitha. Oh, that hurts. Aches."


    "Want a Heal?"


    "Yes, NO! Wait. Not yet."


    "No?"


    She panted a little as she groaned again. "Aftershocks. I think I''m still. Ohhh... Tabitha."


    She moaned out my name, and I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her up so I could whisper in her ear, her hair dangling around me. "Tell me when they''re done?"


    She giggled again, then moaned. "How do I know when they''re done? I''ve never had ohhh.... another one. An orgasm before today."


    I shook my head. "That''s so weird. I mean, I guess I get it, Dan just don''t seem all that into Sapphic stuff. And you don''t seem into, y''know, guys."


    "I''m sorry. I ohhh... another one."


    "Tch. Don''t apologize. You like what you like. Fuck, if I had to go boymode just to bang you, that might make me feel some kinda way, but ''oh, no, I''ve got to not shapeshift'' is like, the lamest complaint about a partner I can think of."


    "Oh, no... I think I''m going to keep having aftershocks until I die."


    "Eh. I''ll Revive you."


    "I meant of old age."


    I stroked her hair, loving the feel of it, even just a little greasy and soaked with sweat. We lay there, and after a few minutes I facepalmed. "Fuck."


    "What?"


    "I forgot. I had a whole bottle of wine I was gonna drink by pouring it between your tits while I ate you out."


    She shrugged. "We could drink it now. I''m afraid I''m a bit of a lightweight, though. One glass and I''m ready for bed."


    I looked around at the mess of our picnic, our clothes, overacting the gesture for her, "you mean you weren''t ready for this?"


    She slapped at me playfully. "I meant ready for sleep."


    "Ohhh! Oh, no, we can''t have that. No wine for you. After all..."


    I rolled us over into the bed, lying her on her back while I loomed over her on hands and knees. "We''re not done with you yet."


    She paled, her eyes open wide. "Oh, fuck me."


    "Did that. Saffron''s turn."


    "Oh. Oh, shit. You told me, didn''t you? You all told me."


    "We absolutely did," my Kitten chimed in from where she lounged on the divan, leaning against Marie. "Will you back out now?"


    "Just to be clear," I said, talking over my horny High Priestess, who stared at Siobhan like a cat looking at sashimi. "That is absolutely an option. They want you. I want them to have you. I want you to be a gift from you and I to them, and... look, I want. They want. We want. But what we want most?" She looked up at me, the question clear in her eyes. "Is for you to want as much as we do."


    "I... I don''t know if I want that." I did my very best not to slump. Saffron and Marie, of course, remained as still as hunting felines are wont to do. "But I do know I want you. I want to make you happy. I want her, so different to you. I... I am terrified of Marie, but even in that terror I want... I want to explore what that, what she, will do to me."


    "No rule says you have to do it now."


    "But we pl... No, no, Tabitha, I want this. I want this now. Just like I wanted you to divest me of any scraps of ''virginity'', to deflower me fully. Please."


    I smiled, leaned down, and kissed her. I savored her mouth, smiling as pumpkin spice filled my mouth, my nose. I didn''t even like the flavor all that much, but after this morning the smell of it made my lady bits clench pleasantly. I pulled back, grinning down at her, and asked, "do you really, really want to be scared?"


    "I... I lost my virginity, was fully deflowered, by the Mor Primordial Mimic atop a field of her tentacles, with some part of me worried that at any moment she would lose control and rend me asunder, consuming me body and Soul. If you asked me to do so again? I would do so in a heartbeat."


    "Well. Fuck. Did I give you a fear fetish or something?"


    "Not. Complaining. Now, you said you were going to scare me?"


    I smiled down at her, looking her right in the eye and letting her watch me climax as I sang, "I don''t have any Skills yet."


    "I''m going to die. Not a complaint, just an observation."


    "Dibs on Reviving her!" I called out as I rolled backwards off the bed.


    "Turn her ninety degrees, please?" my Kitten absolutely did not ''ask'' as she walked up one of the little staircases. Obedient to the will of my tiny tyrant, I lifted Siobhan on a platform of semi-incorporeal tentacles, turned her sideways so her head rested toward one side of the bed, where Saffron sashayed up to her. "Thank you, love." I flopped onto the divan, reaching out to interlace my fingers with Marie''s, as Saffron looked down at Siobhan, one foot to either side of her head.


    She shook her head just a tiny bit. "I''m afraid my loving, passionate, goofy wife has left you not quite fully deflowered."


    "Wait, what?"


    Saffron dropped to her knees, missing Siobhan''s shoulders by a hair''s breadth. Taking Siobhan''s hands in her own, she lifted them to cup her own breasts. Siobhan chuckled and said, "oh, I think I''ve done this before though. Again, not complaining."


    "Mmm... Yes, I was watching you both at the time. Incredible. You''re very talented. But... stop talking and show me." She spread her knees, lowering herself just a little, and Siobhan, obedient to the will of my bodacious beauty, raised her mouth and slipped her tongue across Saffron''s pussy. One of her hands started to slip down, and Saffron grabbed at her wrist. "I prefer both breasts. Please." Siobhan didn''t answer, just took a firmer grip, fondling and rolling Saffron''s nipples between her fingers as I slipped a pillow beneath her head. "Perfect, just like that, don''t stop. If you pass out, I saw what you did with your tongue."


    Siobhan made one quiet interrogative squeak, and then Saffron bent forward, lowered her face between Siobhan''s legs, one hand slipping beneath to lift her hips until I slipped another pillow under them, then fondling her ass as her tongue explored. Tasted. Tickled and tantalized, her arms wrapping around her thighs, fingers exploring inside her as Siobhan''s efforts got more and more frantic, disjointed. As Siobhan''s back tried to arch under Saffron''s weight, I slipped inside both of them, wanting to feel what they felt. Mana flowed through Siobhan, reaching her tongue just as her orgasm reached its peak. Saffron''s fingers flexed, pressed that spot like a doorbell, rubbing her fingers across it as she came.


    Watching from the outside, especially with neither of them channeling my functionally limitless Mana, it seemed to end way faster than it had in M-Space. Saffron pushed herself up to her hands and knees, then crawled around until she lay atop Siobhan. I watched, fascinated, as her breasts swayed beneath her. She lowered her mouth next to Siobhan''s ear and said, "you cheated, Ice Pop."


    Siobhan snorted. "Cheated?"


    "Mmm... totally unfair. Good girl. Now, ready to be more deflowered?"


    "Ah... I''m frightened."


    "I can tell. You''re dripping. With sweat. Not to mention elsewhere. Did you like the tentacles?"


    I watched in the mirror as Siobhan''s eyes slid closed. "Oh. Oh, yes."


    Saffron smiled. "Oh, good." She slipped backward, rising to her knees, pulling Siobhan''s ass up onto her thighs.


    I recognized that position. "Wait!'' Saffron raised an eyebrow. Then slipped inside Siobhan, pulling their hips snug together.


    "OH! OH, Goddess! That... You...:" She gazed up at Saffron, who smiled down at her. "Oh, that''s nice."


    Saffron raised an eyebrow and looked me right in the eye. "Boys. Not penetration. Or cock. Goof." With each word, she thrust again, and Siobhan gasped.


    "Siobhan?"


    "Ye... yes... Yes, Tab... Tab..."


    "Yeah, if you scream my name she''s gonna feel some kinda way. Just wanted to say, you''re well and truly fucked."


    "Being.... Yes... Yes! YES! SAFFRON!" Her back arched until she supported her weight on the back of her head and her hips bucking against Saffron''s. Then, as her thrashing started to subside, Saffron reached out, gripped her firmly by the waist, lifted her off the bed entirely, and proceeded to fuck her, hard and fast and absolutely without the slightest shred of mercy. I slipped inside Siobhan''s mind and was washed away by a tidal bore of endless orgasm as Saffron showed exactly what that much Skill could do to an innocent, fresh, sensitive body like Siobhan''s.


    Eventually Siobhan''s screaming Saffron''s name wound down to a hoarse rasp, and our merciless Imperator smiled down. "Good girl." She leaned over and stroked her hand along Siobhan''s throat.


    "Oh. Oh, thank you, Saffron. That... how do you all keep from being hoarse all the time?"


    Saffron laughed, the sound rich and full in our little love nest. "Oh, we don''t normally have all day, and we don''t normally have such a lovely siren to sing for us all." Her fingers traced Siobhan''s throat, her chin, her mouth. "Tabitha?"


    "Yes, Kitten?"


    "Lie down on the bed. Feet on the floor, please." What else was I gonna do? I stood up, walked over, and lay down like she said. While I did that she rolled away from Siobhan and, as my Ice Pop watched, exhausted and helpless, walked down the bed steps to stand in front of me. "Bring her around next to you." I lifted Siobhan on a bed of tentacles, hovering her to lie beside me. As her feet passed my waist, Saffron snapped her fingers and, when I looked at her, twirled a finger in the air.


    "Oh."


    "Hmm... Boots, please." I put The Dress'' boots on, and a moment later Saffron stood there in her own boots, her tip pressed against me as I lowered Siobhan into place.


    The Grin appeared, and the moment I settled Siobhan on the bed, her neck parallel to my waist, her head dangling upside down, Saffron thrust into me. She took me fast and hard and I came screaming her name, my ankles locked behind her knees. "Holy fucking speedrun, Saffron."


    She tapped at my ankles, and I let her go. "Bolster." I tossed her a bolster, and she slipped it under Siobhan''s neck. "Ready?"


    Siobhan took a deep breath. "Yes, but why..."


    Saffron thrust. Her hands clutched at Siobhan''s breasts as she shuddered, her hips thrusting without ever slipping her out of Siobhan''s mouth. Siobhan''s throat distended just a touch, and I murmured, "Can she breathe?"


    Whether she could or not, she made her opinion of Saffron''s defloration of her mouth clear when she reached around behind Kitten''s thighs and pulled her deeper. "She. Doesn''t Need." Siobhan swallowed. "Fuck! Siobhan. Goddess! GODDESS! FUCK! SIOBHAN!"


    When she shuddered to stillness, Siobhan let go of her, and Saffron staggered backward, her ass hitting the divan with a thump. Siobhan licked her lips. "Apple pie?"


    Saffron, still out of breath, panted out, "you. Citrus. Her. Spice. Pie!" She rolled her head over to look at Marie. "See? I was paying attention." Marie rolled her eyes as Saffron turned back to us. "Apologies, Siobhan. I''d intended to finish elsewhere, but... what made you think to swallow just then?"


    Siobhan chuckled. "I don''t know. It just seemed to be the thing to do at the time?"


    "Yes."


    We all looked at Marie, and she shrugged. "Somebody did that to you?" Marie smiled, showing all of her fangs. "Brave guy." Marie just nodded.


    "So, dear Sister Siobhan, newest lover of our Wife and Wife to be, beloved Mimic Reborn, which of us would you like to finish your defloration?"


    "Finish?"


    "There''s one conventionally used opening remaining, after all."


    Siobhan blushed, but didn''t look like she was anywhere near fainting. "Oh. Well. We... I mean Tabitha..."


    "Tentacles don''t count."


    As I turned to shoot my tiny terror the most potent ''What the Fuck?'' look I could, Siobhan slow blinked, then said, "Marie?"


    "Yes?"


    "Finish me. We''ve... Now. Please?" As Marie smiled, rolled to her feet, and stretched, her palms against the ceiling, Siobhan squeaked out, "oh, shit." Marie stalked over, reached down, slid two fingers inside me and lifted me by the hips like I was a fucking bowling ball, tossing me to one side of the bed. I opened my mouth to complain, and she just stared at me, daring me to speak as she wrapped one hand around Siobhan''s waist, lifted her, and rotated her to lie on the edge of the bed, one leg dangling.


    "Are you okay with this? Not everybody likes that. I''m not personally a fan."


    Siobhan looked at the ceiling, and after a moment I realized she was looking at me in the mirror and I met her eyes. "It''s definitely spicy. Not what I want every time. Maybe never again. But... this time? Now? Especially with someone like... Someone as skilled as your beloved Marie? Who should have been recognized, celebrated, and rewarded as a Hero by Phileo long, long since?" She turned away from me to face Marie, who''d pulled a thin, flared fascina from the drawer along with the remote. "Finish me, sister Concubine."


    Marie grinned from ear to ear, but before she did anything, she lay her claws along Siobhan''s neck where it met her shoulder. Then she looked at me. "Please?"


    "Shit. Saffron? Who the fuck approved a second Concubine? I''ve only just started wifing the first one."


    Saffron laughed, gently tracing a scar at the juncture of her own neck and shoulder. "Oh, that was in our first discussion, love. Before we were even married. ''a third to handle the overflow''." She looked up at Marie, her eyes as fierce as Murder Mittens ever had been. "Mark her. I want to feel you do it again."


    Marie looked at me, pleading in her eyes. "You''re all insane. Siobhan? You want a permanent tiger hickey?"


    "Oh, that''s terrifying." She paused. "Oh, yes. Definitely a fear fetish. Do it."


    "Yeah. You''re all fuckin'' insane. Go ahead, Murder Mittens. Worst thing that happens is you get too excited and rip her head off. You do that you''re cleaning it up."


    Siobhan shuddered. "Goddess. I don''t think I''ll be able to oh that''s very spicy." Marie ran a thumb across the remote, and Siobhan''s eyes crossed. "But how are you going to..." She gasped as Marie lifted one of her legs by the calf, pushing the other to the floor, sliding her own hips, her own clit, right up against Siobhan''s.


    "Oh, shit, that really works?" Marie shot me a look, and I got the point, shut up, and did the smart thing. I slipped my mind into Siobhan''s just in time, as Marie rode her. Clit against clit, mound against mound, as she slowly pushed Siobhan''s leg further up, leaned further forward with each thrust. I didn''t notice her reaching around until two fingers thrust, one working the vibrating fascina, the other plunging inside, driven unerringly to the spot I''d found by groping trial and error. Fuckin'' skills. Literally.


    Siobhan came. Saffron and I came with her, moaning Marie''s name as Siobhan screamed it. Then Marie lunged, and I heard Siobhan''s hip pop out of the socket, the ocean of ongoing orgasm endorphins making it... inconvenient. An afterthought, much like the fangs sliding into her shoulder. She kept coming, harder and harder as Marie teased at every inch of her, her other claws, no longer needed to hold Siobhan''s neck still, wandered to her breasts to play with her nipples.


    Then Marie came. Roaring her climax into Siobhan''s neck, shaking the whole bed, shaking Siobhan, who clung to her, sinking her fingers into Marie''s arms, her orgasm still shaking her like a storm door in a hurricane. Achingly slowly, Marie''s thrusting never ceasing, Siobhan''s vision dulled, blurred, and went black.


    I blinked, staring at Marie as she shuddered to a stop. "Fuck, is she dead?"


    Saffron laughed. "No, Goof. She just passed out. Lovely tigress, are you done?"


    Marie''s hips twitched. Aftershocks.


    "Ah. Well. In your own time, then. I think we''d best Heal her before she wakes." Marie growled. "Her hip. I swear, you''re as goofy as Tabitha some days."


    "Hey, you''re the one who buried yourself in Himbos."


    Saffron smiled at me. "So thoughtful, Goof. Should I die in a manner befitting a Heroic burial, bury me in Himbos. The two of you and the boys to start, at least. As many more as you can find."


    "Why exactly wouldn''t I be Reviving you?"


    She laughed. "Who said I didn''t want to be Revived first?"


    Slowly, gently, snickering as she did, Marie disengaged her fangs from Siobhan, who shuddered faintly as Marie''s mouth slid away from her. Blood pooled in the punctures, but only a bit. "How the fuck do you do that?"


    "She carefully slides her fangs between the blood vessels and bones, Goof. Lovely Marie is very precise." Marie just grinned at me and nodded as she stood, gently lowering Siobhan''s leg until, with a twist, she popped it back in place.


    Siobhan''s eyes shot open at that. "Oh!" A moment later, Saffron lay a hand on her. "Ah. Thank you, Saffron. May I call you Kitten?"


    "Do you want me to bite you?"


    Siobhan, laughter in her voice, said, "considering what happened last time you put part of me in your mouth? Kitten it is."


    Saffron looked at me, rolling her eyes. "See what you''ve done? Corrupted her. Completely spoiled. Utterly ruined." Then she leaned over and kissed her long and hard enough to have given her an impromptu tonsillectomy. When she came back up for air, she smiled. "Apple pie indeed. Excellent work, ladies." She lay a hand on Siobhan''s belly. "Sister, are you satisfied with your defloration, then?"


    "Only if you call me Siobhan."


    Saffron booped her on the nose and said, "Well then, Siobhan it is." She looked at Marie. "Ready?"


    Marie nodded. Before I could ask, ''ready for what'', the world got all topsy turvey as she grabbed me and flipped me around. I wound up on my back again, arched just a little, my hips supported by the bolster Siobhan had abandoned, Murder Mitten''s kitty closing with my face. "What..."


    I stopped talking. Mouth full. Ocean. Tiger pussy vibrating as I instinctively clutched at her hips and licked and she purred and growled at the same time. Then Saffron plunged into me, no more merciful than before. As she thrust inside me, her thumb rubbing against my clit as she dragged me toward an orgasm I had not expected at all, Siobhan''s mind slipped into mine. I dangled above the bed, supported by Marie''s outstretched claws, which rubbed at my nips as her tongue explored me, no less skilled at this than she had been earlier. Saffron''s mouth clamped over mine, and we savored the taste of mock apple pussy fucking hell Marie slipped into my head, a passion fueled tongue lapping at me, driving me toward another orgasm as I licked at the cool little ice pop and felt her spasm and holy fuckballs Saffron plunged her mind into mine as she plunged that oversized and growing cock into me over and over, pussy grabbing at it with muscles like steel, convulsing around it, milking it as I shared the taste of my Goddess with her newest lover. I grinned into our new little Ice Pop''s mouth and thought, We''re gonna make you come now.


    Seven fucking syllables. Literally. I came. They came. We, all at once like a literal fucking orgasm avalanche, came. Screaming incoherent passion into each other, the world going white, then fading to peaceful, blissful, post-coital black.

 Day Four Hundred And Forty-One

    Dear Diary,


    "''Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."


    - Alfred Lord Tennyson


    "What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us."


    - Helen Keller


    I read those two one after the other. The first one... I agree, I really do. I haven''t always. I first read it as part of an assignment back in High School, where we each had to memorize some classic piece of poetry. Of course, we didn''t get to choose, exactly, we got an author assigned to us. Tennyson wasn''t really my thing, but that one line spoke to me. I mean, I ranted and screamed and threw the poor book across the room when I read it, because my mom had died like a month before and I hated the world and anything that reminded me of her. Because when you love someone, then lose them, it tears pieces out of you. Like when two trees have grown together, and then one of them gets cut down, it rips away branches, bark, even heartwood.


    But I''m not that hurt little kid any more. I''ve learned more. I''ve lived more. I''ve realized the truth of that second quote, and why it makes the first one ever so right. When you love somebody, open yourself up to them, you expose parts of yourself. You give them parts of yourself. And when they do the same they give parts of themselves back to you. That''s why, when they go away, it hurts so much. Because they''re taking parts of you away. Ripping them from you. Maiming you.


    But we heal. We grow back. We come back older, and smarter, and maybe wiser, and tougher. Because when they left they left parts of themselves behind too. They give us part of themselves, and we don''t even realize it. They grow inside us, become part of us, and eventually the only reason we know that part maybe wasn''t us at first? Is because that''s the part that keeps hurting for so long. Because it wasn''t torn away from us, it was torn away from them. Maybe ''healing'' from that isn''t a process of growing new parts to replace the lost ones, but soothing the parts we''ve gained, letting them know that they''re still loved, still cared for, still wanted. Yeah, maybe the person who left hates you now. Maybe the feeling''s mutual.


    But maybe not. Maybe they didn''t want to leave. Maybe they fought like hell to stay with us for just a moment longer. Or maybe they didn''t, but they left for one of the million reasons shit happens in the shitty worlds we live in. Fuck, maybe they left for our own good. Maybe they worked themselves to death for us. Maybe they went off to war and died trying to keep us safe. Fuck, maybe they just went to get milk and got run over by a goddamned bus. But... wait, fuckin'' Helen Keller said that? No sight, no hearing having bitch said something that fuckin'' profound? The fuck? On the one hand, deep internal world and wisdom spewing out the holes and shit, but on the other, how fuckin'' stupid do I have to be that I''m ostensibly fully functional and it''s taken me the better part of a decade to realize this shit?


    Shit, maybe one more quote before I pack away the self-help books for a while, maybe let that shit simmer. Not gonna have as much time for it, after all. No more standing watch. I''ve got a house to build. Maybe a book to write my own self. Might be handy to have something for the Clergy to read so they don''t have to be asking the same old dumb questions all the time.


    "You better get your seven laughs in every day."


    - Katt Williams


    It''s mean to laugh at somebody weaker than you. It''s stupid to laugh at somebody stronger than you. So I guess my best bet is to find seven things a day to laugh at myself for. Luckily, I am a dumbass who excels in doing stupid shit, and when I step back far enough I find that shit hilarious.


    Take yesterday for example. My fuckin'' Kitten, Murder Mittens, and newly minted fun to suck on Ice Pop all told me they had Nefarious Plans for me like, the moment Siobhan was done enough, and somehow I''d completely forgotten that not only are all three of them smarter than me, there are also, y''know, three of them to my one. All of whom can force feed imagery direct into my brain hole. I really don''t know how long I slept, not because I don''t know what time I woke up, but because I lost track of time right about when Siobhan and I decided to short circuit each other''s brains, and once we left M-Space for the Love Shack I was not, in any way, at any time, thinking about the position of the sun. Positions, yes. Sun, no.


    At any rate, woke up to warm Saffron against my front, cool Siobhan snuggled against my back, and all of us using Marie as a big fluffy purring pillow. Checked the time and realized that the sun was, in fact, in the process of going down. Smiled and snuggled closer to everybody after I thought that, then some part of my brain remembered that the four of us were all here. More importantly, Saffron, Marie and I were all here. As in not anywhere else. As in I''d left Karen with Menace twelve hours ago and hadn''t given her a single fuckin'' thought since then.


    "Hey ladies. Time to wake up."


    "Yes." Trust Marie to wake up first, then lay there utterly motionless while I woke up.


    A moment later Siobhan rolled away from me, pushed herself up, and stretched. I watched in the ceiling mirror as her eyes opened, looking right at me. "Oh, that''s..." She reached for her shoulder, only to have Marie grab her hand, then run her tongue over the bruising and puncture wounds. "Sorry, Marie. I almost forgot." Then she reached over, took my hand, and lay it on her belly. "Goddess... Tabitha, Heal please? Just a little?"


    I shrugged and shaped the littlest Heal I could. She smiled at me. "Everything okay? I... might have missed the last little bits there for all the best reasons."


    She smiled up at me, her eyes popping wide just a moment as she said, "Oh, just a little lingering soreness. Don''t want that to heal naturally, do we?"


    I chuckled a little. "Holy fuck, Ice Pop, I was half joking."


    She nodded, faking solemnity. "Exactly so. Best not to risk it though. Has your little Kitten awakened yet?"


    I scooched back and rolled Saffron to face me. "Time to get up." I gently murmured to her. She grumbled and nuzzled into me. "C''mon, Kitten, it''s time to go pick Isnomi up."


    She grumbled a little more, but started her boot up routine. tickling my chest with her morning taste test of her environment. Siobhan leaned over me, watching. "Oh, that''s adorable!"


    "I know, right? Didn''t roll her over by accident."


    After she finished her whole sequence, Saffron cracked one eye open. "If you two are completely done mocking me?"


    I gasped. "Mocking? Never! Adoring!"


    "Yes! Adoring. Worshipping even!"


    She tried to keep up the grumpy face, but Siobhan''s infectious bubbliness put the tiniest curve in her lips. "So wasteful. Decadent even."


    "Screw it. Not like I really need it at the moment."


    Kitten stretched up to give me a peck on the lips. "Oh, but much like with everything else, you would absolutely take it were it offered."


    "Yeah, stop, we really do need to get over and rescue Karen."


    Saffron sighed, rolled around to her knees, then stretched not unlike Siobhan had. "More than that, if Isnomi is satisfied."


    "You mean officially making her my High Priestess?" She nodded, still working her shoulders around as the rest of us stared at the impressive topographical changes that caused. "What''s the big rush?"


    Rising to her feet, offering Siobhan a hand up, and leading her to the steps at the end of the bed, Saffron said, "Tomorrow is the Equinox, love."


    "Wait, what? Oh, shit, you''re right!"


    She nodded. "And she will not be ''your High Priestess''?" When I let my confusion show, she explained. "She will be the Highest Priestess of Tabitha Diaz, Patron Demigoddess of the Alliance."


    "Is there, like, a functional difference?"


    She shrugged. "As you''ve two completely different sets of Worshippers, it''s likely best to keep them separate until you choose to reveal yourself. Which means having someone to head up your Clergy. Based on my research, I also suspect that her Title as Highest may mirror my own, rather than Siobhan or Marie''s." She paused a moment, smiled in appreciation as she looked Siobhan up and down, not quite a leer but a close cousin, then popped Glowing Midnight onto her. "But much like I have access to Lord Loki''s abilities via you being his High Priestess, as your High Priestess in either persona she will as well." And, of course, there is this.


    "Okay. Yeah. All that makes sense. But... why the rush?"


    Saffron smiled fondly at Siobhan, then me, as Ice Pop wobbled. "Never worn heels before?" Siobhan shook her head. "Lean on me until you''re steady, Sister." She nodded, then said, "Karen... is like me, love. But unlike me she has no reason to hide her position or Patron Deity. So she will want to claim your place in at least one Temple before the Equinox celebrations begin."


    "Really?"


    "Really." Satisfied with Siobhan''s appearance and balance, she garbed herself. Then switched them both to their Academy togs. "Unless you''d rather proclaim your status?" Siobhan pondered that, but shook her head gently.


    I sighed. If Karen had gone to all this trouble to get the job, the least I could do was not get in her fuckin'' way. "Okay then. Let''s do this." I rolled out of bed, mildly irked that I couldn''t just stand up and walk. I''ve mentioned, I''m not stupid tall, but I''m ''tall for a girl'' tall, and that put me like three inches too tall to walk without bonking my head on the mirrors. I popped my uniform on to match Saffron, and a moment later had Marie behind me in her full Maid regalia. "Before we go." I spread my arms, and pulled everybody into a hug.


    Siobhan wound up in the middle, and she squeaked when the rest of us squeezed just a little. "Oh my. This is very..." She interrupted herself laughing. When Saffron raised an eyebrow, she said, "I was about to say ''intimate''."


    Saffron nodded. "It is." Then she lay her head on Siobhan''s arm. Marie and I followed her lead, and we stood there a bit just... I dunno, welcoming our newest partner? Yeah, that kinda felt right. I mean, weird to ''welcome'' her after getting up in her guts enough to require healing like four times, but I actually got it. There''s a difference between sex and intimacy. I realized right then the difference between Siobhan and the boys. Then I thought about watching her with them, realized why that wasn''t going to happen, like I wasn''t even going to ask because not even I''m that crass and insensitive. Then I thought about Saffron and shapeshifting and the image popped back into my head again.


    We''ll see. Saffron''s mental voice matched her affectionate smile. I stepped us to the Lancaster House Suite to find every fuckin'' kid in the House, not to mention quite a few moms and all the Maenads and refugees spread out across the floor. Maze, Menace, and Karen stood on the bed, our daughters using it as an impromptu stage. I''m not sure what they were doing, because the moment they saw us, Menace crowed out, "MAMAS!" and took a running leap off the bed towards us. With my arms still around the rest of the ladies, I couldn''t lunge fast enough to grab her, but I really hadn''t needed to worry. Marie''s five point harness claw snapped around her with inches to spare before she faceplanted into the rug and, more importantly, the hard stone floor beneath it.


    Padding under the rugs in our new place?


    Definitely, love.


    Marie brought Isnomi around to nuzzle nose to nose, murmured, "Scamp." then handed her over to me.


    She gave me a full head glomping hug, hopped off me to do the same to Saffron, sniffed the air, then got an absolute booger look. She turned to Siobhan, who smiled at her. "Good Evening, Isnomi!" Moving with an awkward version of Marie''s stalking grace, Menace crawled over into Siobhan''s arms. Well, clung to her shoulders, since her arms were still a little pinned by Saffron and I hugging her. "Oh, you''re quite affectionate today!"


    I guess she couldn''t hear the low growl our Menace let out, or confused it with a purr or something. She shoved her face into Siobhan''s headpiece, snuffled, pulled back, snuffled one side of her neck, then the other. At that point her tension ratcheted up until she shoved her whole fuckin'' face into the collar of Siobhan''s robes, pulling it open to do so. "Oi! Menace! No stripping the Sister!"


    Not in public, anyhow.


    Not at all, Kitten! That''s our job.


    Oh. Point.


    All the tension drained out of Menace as she pulled her face out and looked up at Marie. "Nythe." Then she head bunted Siobhan, who looked confused but not upset.


    I gathered my smallest daughter up by the scruff of the neck, bringing her around to face me. "So, she meets your approval then?" She shrugged, nodded toward Marie, like Marie''s very clear stamp of approval was good enough for her. Of course, that led me to the reason we''d come back in the first place. "So. What about your Babysitter Karen?"


    Isnomi twisted around to look at my would be Priestess, who''d heard the question and tensed up. I turned my kid so she could meet Karen''s gaze, at which point she folded her arms across her chest, the uniform jacket and blouse ruffles rustling as she did. They stared at one another for a long moment. Eventually Karen sort of slumped, her gaze dropping to the bed. Menace nodded, once, then turned to me, joyous ''mamas are back'' smile in place. She lunged toward me, wriggling free and glomping my head again. "Ah-Tay!" she whispered into my ear.


    "That''s it? No details? Just ''okay''?" I murmured back. She nodded. I looked over at Karen, and loud enough to be heard through the room, said, "So she''s got the Isnomi Seal of Approval then?"


    "Yeth!"


    Right then I lost any regret I might have had about letting Karen try to join my Priestesses. The look of sublime, rapturous joy on her face as she looked at me, realizing her Trials were done, completed successfully? Yeah, I didn''t have the heart to stomp on the dreams of somebody who felt that strongly, that deeply about something. "Okay then. Everybody, let''s get down to dinner!"


    I pulled Maze in next to my hip, and she gave me an actual rundown of the day while we walked down to dinner. Turns out Karen had very sensibly dragooned Maze into being her assistant babysitter, and the two of them managed all the crazy yard games through the morning, then moved inside when the weather got bad. Of course, there wasn''t really enough play area for that many kids, so Karen had come up with the idea for an impromptu self defense class slash demonstration slash ''let Maze and Menace entertain everybody tossing one another around on the bed''. Given that Menace was at her ''barely able to walk'' smallest when we arrived, and Maze seemed to have gotten a little more gangly since I''d started reading to her, it wound up being an almost entirely unfair fight in Menace''s favor, but neither of them were really trying to hurt each other. Just act out what Karen talked to the refugees and kids about. I mean, she talked to the Maenads too, but as far as I knew the youngest Maenad had a shit ton more experience than Karen, not to mention being a purpose-built killing machine.


    Still, maybe they took it as slapstick or something.


    After dinner, with Maze sitting beside me and Isnomi perched on Siobhan''s shoulders so she could annoy Siobhan and Saffron, who Siobhan sat next to, I held my hands out to Menace, who leapt over to me. After giving her and Maze a good snuggle, I said, "can you two lead everybody up and help them get ready for bed?"


    "Yeth!"


    "Yes, papa," Maze smirked. The two of them ran off, gathering kids, trailing moms and refugees. Devorah and Anna both looked at me and nodded before following. Then I stepped over to Karen and said, "so. We need to talk, I think."


    She nodded, I put my hand on her shoulder, and stepped us to the Love Shack. I figured if it worked for one kind of privacy, it wouldn''t be bad for another kind. Before I took my hand off her shoulder, I pulled her back to her normal size and shape. She chuckled. "Thank you, Goddess. I worried vaguely that I''d stay that way."


    "Yeah, no, not something you''ll need to worry about." Mittens, can you bring Karen''s Garb? And... all three of you in Glowing Midnight, please. I stepped back, flopping back onto the divan, arms draped along the back. "Also, ''Goddess''. So formal. So not really me."


    "This... isn''t a formal occasion?"


    I rolled my eyes. "Okay, fine." I snapped my fingers and banished her Academy uniform. Other than a quick glance to make sure I''d put everything back the way it should be, I kept my gaze on her face. No real embarrassment there, although there might have been a trace of apprehension.


    "Am I to be skyclad for this then?"


    I grinned and shook my head. "Nah. Just getting you ready for them."


    My girls'' timing was, as always, impeccable. They arrived, all clad in Glowing Midnight, surrounding Karen on every side not facing me. I watched, trying to smile encouragingly, as they dressed her, piece by piece, in the Yandere Shobitch Wedding Gown. Unlike The Dress and Glowing Midnight, it didn''t have thigh boots. Instead she had white pumps that had a sandal look going on, and the straps wound up around her thighs, going all the way up until they clipped to her garter belt. No idea how he got them to lay flat against her skin, but I wasn''t complaining. I got a good look at the underthings, which bordered on being Frederick''s of Hollywood, only missing that because Conrad has way more talent than anybody they''ve ever employed. No more boundaries, and even if he has more class, he''d obviously been playing to my personal foibles, so her whole outfit was clearly ''class optional''. Look, I''m a street kid at heart, and while I appreciate the class and style Saffron and Conrad put into Glowing Midnight? This dress was just Conrad pointing and laughing at my reaction, which I had about as much chance of stopping as a fart stopping a California brush fire.


    Of course, I had my black uniform slacks and a jacket that covered my crotch even when slouching, so I wasn''t worried about any embarrassing mishaps. At that point I realized that the room did, in fact, reek of pumpkin spice. Hopefully Karen hadn''t figured that out yet.


    After taking like fifteen minutes to get everything absolutely perfect, my High Priestesses backed away. Siobhan and Saffron slipped to the sides, each sitting on the edge of the bed, their legs stretched out along the steps. Marie just backed straight up, crawling in reverse until she straightened to kneel right in front of the mirror at the head of the bed.


    A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    I took a deep breath, then said, "Senior Cadet Karen Smith. Why are you here?"


    It took her a half second, but she rallied, knelt, mirroring what she''d done in the hallway outside our Academy Suite, then said, "I wish to become your Priestess."


    I nodded. "If you become my Priestess, you''re gonna learn secrets." At her confident nod, I continued. "Family secrets." I paused, and when she didn''t respond, said, "as in, everyone who has learned them has wound up family, or very, very dead." She stiffened a little, and I wasn''t sure if it was what I said or that she''d caught on to Sister Siobhan''s sudden glee. I''m sure as shit she didn''t hear the little thrilled giggle Siobhan trickled into the brains of everyone else in the room. Wait, shit, Canta.


    Siobhan just smiled at me. He is no danger to us, my Goddess.


    Oh, no. I meant Diana declared me her Matriarch.


    Her smile got wider. Oh! I''ll... speak with him.


    Cool.


    Meanwhile Karen stuttered out, "I... I understand."


    "Do you?" She frowned. "You were with the Army at Newark." She nodded. "Did you see what I did there?" Her freckles stood out as she nodded. "Did you smell the fear in the air? Did your boots squelch through the blood and shit masquerading as mud? Were you on the cleanup crews gathering mutilated body parts for disposal?"


    She had a strong enough stomach that other than getting slightly paler, she didn''t react other than to say, "I was."


    "That''s what happens to someone who hurts my family." She nodded, as if she understood, and I said, "that''s what happens when someone hurts my family and I''m in a hurry. When someone does that and I''ve got time? I have done so, so much worse."


    She looked almost disbelieving. "What could be worse than that?"


    "You still want to be my Priestess?"


    "Of course."


    I nodded. Time to drop the anvil. "Too late to back out now then, Karen. Artemis had our daughter sacrificed a year ago. I destroyed her High Priestess'' Soul to Revive Isnomi. The day after the Liberation of Calverton, while you restored children and innocents, then dallied with my Concubine and Fianc¨¦, I tortured her to death over twelve long, hard hours." I paused. Karen finally looked just the tiniest bit shocked. "I Revived Diana after she died, because she''d shown me that she might have realized that she''d fucked up, and wanted to do better."


    "You... Revived a Goddess."


    "My Wife is talented that way." Karen jerked at Saffron''s droll statement, like she''d forgotten my Ladies had her surrounded.


    "Now. You still want to be my Priestess?"


    She took a calming breath, then said, "I suppose my other option is death, now?"


    I shook my head. "Nah. I''m not pissed at you. Really not. But the moment you''re my Priestess? Is the moment it''s too late to back out. You''ll still have your Agency about how you want to represent me, yeah, and I wouldn''t even consider it if you hadn''t passed my Trials, made me think I''ll be okay with however you choose to do that, but once you cross that line? There''s no going back."


    "You... you wouldn''t disavow me?"


    I snorted. "Fuck, if you do anything that would make me want to do that? I''ll just fuckin'' kill you, Karen."


    "No second chances?"


    I shrugged. "Oh. No. I''d have to Revive you." She blinked. "I''m kinda generous with the Mana supply when it comes to giving people second chances."


    She snorted. "I noticed. Wait..."


    "Yeah. about that. Do. You. Still. Want to be. My Priestess?"


    She took another deep breath, squared her shoulders, and bowed her head. "I do, My Goddess. Please, make me your Priestess, Demigoddess of the Alliance, Tabitha Diaz."


    I chuckled, pushing myself to my feet and taking one long step to stand over her. "You had to go and make it all formal-like, so..." I put my hand on her head and said, "rise, Karen Smith, Highest Priestess of Tabitha Diaz."


    She rose under my hand, then blinked. Highest?


    That was far more formal than my Ordination. Karen''s eyes shot wide open at Saffron''s voice in her head.


    Jealous now, Kitten?


    A little Envious, perhaps.


    I didn''t get anything really formal either. You Ordained her to get married, you Ordained me as a glorified messenger. Karen took half a step back as Siobhan chimed in.


    Complaints?


    She giggled aloud at me. I think I''ve lost the ability to form any complaint related thought other than possibly ''more, please, Goddess''.


    "Wait, wait, wait..." Karen took another half step back, and her calf hit the foot of the bed.


    Whiners. Karen flopped ass first onto the bed as Marie''s growl sounded through my head.


    Oh, hush, you. You asked to be Ordained for more hands. Marie''s chuckle filled the room, her fangs showing as she grinned at my Kitten. Specifically because your hands were full of my tits and you wanted more for elsewhere.


    "Wait, what?"


    "I promise I''ll show you next Ladies'' Night, love."


    "But... but you three..." With a glance I silenced my adorable Priestess'' banter, letting Karen have her head clear enough to think, to speak. She turned to Saffron. "That is the Holy Garb of a Priestess of Mimic, is it not?" Saffron just nodded silently. Karen turned to Siobhan. "And so you are as well?" Siobhan smiled, stifling her giggle. Karen twisted around to look at Marie, who just smiled wider and nodded. She turned back to me and asked, "so... should you be wearing black as well?"


    I laughed at Blend''s last ditch attempt to hide me, then stepped forward, rustled her fiery hair a little, and stepped back to flop onto the divan again. I switched into The Dress. "Nope, the only person I''m a High Priestess of is Loki. Who is also my adopted Dad. So, y''know, he knows all the secrets. As does Mom. Sigyn. You know, badonkadonk without peer."


    I simply must tell her you said that.


    I''mma tell her to shut you up with it if you jostle my elbow.


    That... won''t actually stop me from talking to you, you realize?


    No, it won''t take away your ability to make noise in my head. But to make words you gotta think straight, and I sure as fuck couldn''t do that with dat ass in my face.


    Loki''s laughter filled every head in the room. Point taken, Daughter.


    Thanks, Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    Karen just stared at me. "Who... who are you?"


    I tilted my head. "You haven''t figured it out yet?" She shook her head, almost like trying to dispel cobwebs. Shit, I think I''d done that same maneuver when trying to get my fuckin'' brain chemistry to let me concentrate. "Would it scare you more for me to show you, or to figure it out on your own, do you think?" I turned to Siobhan. "Which do you think?"


    "Oh, I think being shown was more impressive, but... less frightening?"


    I smiled, stuck a pin in my guilt, and held it out to her, saying, "Okay, Ice Pop. Do I tell her or not, then?"


    "You''re asking me?"


    I nodded. "You''re the nicest one in the room, you sweet suckable thing you. Do I do the nice thing?"


    "Do you want to?"


    "No, but I don''t want to be mean and feel guilty, either."


    Siobhan smiled, her hand coming up, reaching for me across the room, winding up moving in a kind of benediction. "Here? Now? Do what makes you happy, and feel no guilt about it. It won''t hurt her to be just a little scared."


    "Probably a survival trait," deadpanned Saffron.


    Still looking at Siobhan, I asked, "what if she winds up so scared that she has a coronary or aneurysm or both and dies?"


    Siobhan giggled. "She''s a Senior Cadet, I doubt that will happen. Besides, if it does, there are three people capable of Reviving her."


    I turned back to watch Karen''s eyes, to drink in their fear, as I said, "yay!" Then I growled at her. "It normally makes me feel guilty to terrify people, but I do. So. Love. Terror."


    Karen might be my Priestess, but she was Dan. She''d grown up with the same stories every Dan kid did. I saw when that last word made it all click, watched as my Blend and her Terror made the knowledge slippery, watched her cling to it even as I felt her whole being narrow to holding that idea and maintaining bladder control while doing so. "You... you... you''re... M... Mi... Mi... Mi... Mim..."


    I chuckled, not just at her stuttering, but at the rush of power and terrified Worship flowing through me. Ice Pop said it was okay, so I let it happen just a little longer before deciding that a glass of wine was fine, but chugging a barrel of whiskey was not. I leaned forward, smiling at her. "Wanna see? Want me to show you?" Karen took a deep breath, then nodded. Wrapping my Blend around the room, pushing it around us until the room itself was a fever dream, I stood, stepped to loom over her, taking one last draught of fear.


    Then I dropped my personal Blend, and reached out my hand. Trembling, she reached out and took it. I stepped us all to the endless field of undulating tentacle tips. Far above, the stars winked in the sky. I pulled Karen to stand in front of me as Marie, Saffron, and Siobhan appeared, lounging on my tentacles. Siobhan giggled, and a half formed image of her sandwiched between Marie and I, complete with the full body sensation of fuzziness enveloping her, formed in our heads. Ice Pop!


    She giggled and blushed. "Sorry, it''s just all so new." Then she wiggled, and I realized she''d continued her underwear habits, because tentacles. "So nice though."


    I couldn''t help it. I laughed. "Down girl! Down! Later!"


    "Promise?" She appended an image of me standing in that muscle lady pose, but fuzzy.


    I put my hands on Karen''s shoulders as I shook my head. "Yes, I promise. Ladies, if I haven''t by next Ladies'' night, hold me to that?"


    You heard her, make her forget about that so we can make her fuzzy. Saffron looked at Siobhan. It''s even better than you think.


    I laughed and looked Karen in the eye. "You see what I have to deal with?"


    Saffron and Siobhan chorused, "you love it!"


    "I do."


    Karen smirked, chuckled, then started laughing. "This... this is you?"


    I nodded. "This is me, Karen."


    "I don''t know whether to piss myself in terror or piss myself laughing."


    I chuckled. "Yeah, I''m not wearing any underwear at the moment, so I''d appreciate you avoiding the ''terror'' option. Also, yours doesn''t look real absorbent, so I''d avoid pissing yourself altogether." I waited half a beat, then as she started to reply put on my best thoughtful look and said, "although I guess it''ll all clean itself at sunrise anyhow."


    That got her. She started laughing. A little hysterical, at first, but before long she was leaning on me, laughing at me, laughing at the increasingly lewd and improbable images my lovers kept bouncing through my head. Laughing at the situation. Laughing at herself. I pulled her into a hug, and moments later the others joined us. They murmured welcoming things as her laughter died down. Tossing more really over the top stupid head pron of me every time she stopped completely. Eventually she stood there, leaning against me, surrounded by her fellow Priestesses. "Do... I don''t mean to offend?" I rolled my eyes. "Do all Bag purr like this?"


    "I mean, I''m not sure, but yeah, a lot of us."


    "Shame you''re not all fuzzy."


    I should have seen it coming when Saffron said, "so... you want a fuzzy Bag man to purr for you?"


    Her eyes still closed, comforted despite herself, Karen muttered, "who wouldn''t?"


    "More than one?" Karen shrugged. Before I could warn her, an image of Karen, wearing her Holy Garb and yet still intimately involved with Thomas, Richard, and Harold from Saffron''s old Volunteer unit popped into our heads. Marie snorted, Siobhan looked about as noped as I was, and Saffron, the perpetrator of this crime against horny women everywhere, just giggled at us. Then I realized Karen hadn''t reacted in the slightest.


    "Really?"


    She shrugged. "Of the two fuzzy people I''ve had any form of intimacy with, both have been unfailingly positive. The one I had sex with was more pleasant than any experience prior. Am I to hold it against them that they''re hirsute? Or Bag? Or anything else beyond their control?"


    Saffron surprised me just then by saying, "would you like to stay with us tonight, Karen?"


    "I''d say I''m not into women, but... see my statement about hirsute people."


    Saffron chuckled. "You''re getting as bad as her. Which is probably not surprising. I meant sleeping. You need your rest. You''ve got a Temple to claim in the morning, not to mention the Revel Dionysus even now gathers his Maenads for."


    I glanced at Marie, who nodded. "Did you want to go, Mittens?" Rubbing a thumb against the ring on her finger, she shook her head. Blushing. I couldn''t help it, I snuggled them all in.


    "Here or at Lancaster House, Karen?"


    I didn''t quite understand Saffron''s question until Karen replied. "I... never dreamed I would feel so safe, so secure and loved, so surrounded and supported by the limbs of Mimic. But here we are. Can we stay?"


    "Here it is then."


    We woke as false dawn lit the sky. Karen looked up at me as everyone stretched and blinked, saying, "Can you take us to the Seven, please, Goddess?"


    "Oh, shit, yeah, I forgot. Uh... Important Boons, coming up. Translocation, Shapeshifting... oh, the no breathing one is super handy." I looked at Saffron. "Anything else, Kitten?"


    "She can grant them to herself as she needs them, love. But yes, those are the most critical in my opinion." Marie snorted. "Trust a cat to say shapeshifting isn''t important. They all think they''re the perfect shape anyhow."


    "Truth."


    We joined hands, and I looked at Karen. "Just envision the place and... move there."


    I felt that anti-tingle of someone pulling Mana from me as It took her a couple tries, but moments later we stood next to the Temple of Justice, looking down at the Temple of Kings. D stood outside the doors surrounded by some huge barrels of something, waving his hands at some musicians who had already started playing. The eclectic crowd dancing around him had to be at least a third Maenads; some in Academy Maid''s uniforms, some in minimalist survival togs, but most wearing nothing but toothy grins.


    "Holy shit. I didn''t think he''d Revel, like, during the day."


    "He has his Maenads. He has his High Priest. He has, I think, claimed his portion of the Temple of Kings. I''m fairly certain the Revel started last night, and will continue until sunrise tomorrow."


    "Okay, yeah, I get that Kitten, but most of the big celebrations like this have been at least kid-friendly-adjacent."


    Saffron shrugged. "As I said so long ago, skyclad is traditional. The Maenads are simply old enough to remember that. Do you see any of them fucking?"


    I glanced around again. "Oh. Yeah, I... I guess not? Are they, like, just celibate during the day or something?"


    Saffron chuckled, shaking her head. Here in this world we have these mystical inventions called ''buildings'' and ''doors'' and even, for the wealthy, ''locks''. "Speaking of, shouldn''t we follow her? This is her first day, after all, and Raymond and Saffron Rae have fared just fine without us prior to this."


    I followed her gaze to see a scintillating white figure yanking open both doors of the fucking Temple of ''Love.'' "Oh, shit." I grabbed my Ladies and stepped to the steps behind my new Priestess, who''d walked into the Temple not just like she owned it, but like she owned it and was headed to evict squatters. We hustled after her, Marie scooping up an unsteady Siobhan when she proved to be a little less than capable of jogging in heels. The hall just inside that had what looked like cloak rooms to each side. While some cloaks and robes hung neatly on hooks and racks, most of the floor of each was covered by piles of miscellaneous clothing. Each room had a seat for an attendant, but one sat empty, and the other had a naked couple sitting on it, by the motion of their ocean doing the deed right there in sight of the doors.


    The fuck? Is nobody in charge in here?


    Of course. You''ve met her, even. You remember High Priestess Aphroditopolous?


    Shit. I didn''t think, I shoved the doors closed with a pair of tentacles as the four of us followed Karen''s flashing form further into the temple. The antechamber looked kind of like a bar. The fixtures reminded me of really old buildings I''d seen in downtown Camden, built before the city went to shit. Fancy, with like, gold and brass and hardwood, but the brass was tarnished, the wood cracked and dry, and the gold worn or missing. Looking at the place, I expected the smell of polish and alcohol. Maybe some fried food, because bar food is always fried for some reason. Instead I smelled nothing but sex. Don''t get me wrong, normally I''m a big fan, but this was... old. Like, nobody had ever hit the place with a mop and bucket between parties. The bartenders and dancing girls went at it with an assortment of... I didn''t want to say ''ugly people'', but maybe my standards had changed while living at the Academy.


    Saffron''s fingers interlaced with mine, and Marie growled while Siobhan panted. "What''s wrong?"


    "You... you don''t smell that?" whimpered Siobhan.


    "What? Week old fuck juice?"


    "Aphrodite is in residence, love." Saffron smiled up at me, the only sign of tension her grip on my hand. "I doubt any of these had much Agency regarding their actions. Or their partners."


    "Oh, that bitch. I''ll..."


    "I think your Highest Priestess has that well in hand."


    "OH SHIT." I stepped us to the entrance to the temple proper. The entrance was midway up one wall, the floor dropping off like stadium seating until it hit a broad open floor which sloped up toward a kind of dais in the center of the room, with its high point just a touch higher than we stood now. Some corridors led off the room from lower down, and doorways led into side rooms all around the level we stood at. A fancy weird throne shaped bed stood at the center of that dais, and fuckin'' Alexandra sat on that chair. Literally, because the only people in the room not engaging in sex simultaneously frenzied and distracted were the ones lying insensate on the floor. Quite a few of those lay around Aphrodite''s throne. Even a quick glance showed me that the prettiest people in the room? Were the ones she''d fucked unconscious then discarded like a teenage guy dropping used tissues on the floor.


    "I CLAIM THIS TEMPLE IN THE NAME OF TABITHA DIAZ, GODDESS OF THE ALLIANCE." Karen''s voice rang out from where she stood, glittering, at the edge of the dais.


    Aphrodite, riding Alexandra, stopped riding her latest tissue and shoved him aside, where he tripped and faceplanted onto the floor. She sat down, throwing one leg over the arm of her bed-throne, trying for languid, hitting drunk and stoned. "Tch. You may petition for a portion of the Temple after the Equinox celebrations are complete."


    "I. Don''t. Think. You. Heard. Me." With each word, Karen took another step toward the Goddess of Lust Incarnate. At the last, she stood over the reclining Goddess, glowering.


    Even I felt when Aphrodite pushed more of her power into the room. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Siobhan, eyes squeezed closed, clinging to Marie''s side, very obviously trying not to start dry humping her leg. Not that it would be ''dry''. Not with this kind of lust flowing into the room. Images of bloody violence as foreplay flashed through my mind. "You will service me before I deny your petition, Mortal bitch," Aphrodite sneered.


    That anti-tingle hit, and it totally hit me below the belt as Karen extended Mana Blades from her wrists, long and thick enough to score the floor, flickering white and silver with dead black cores. "You want to be serviced? Spread wide. Hold still. Immortal. Bitch." Aphrodite''s aura of lust evaporated, leaving Alexandra staring up at Karen with a mix of petulance and confusion. Her voice less angry, but no less unyielding, drawing her Mana Blades back to maybe arm length, Karen said, "you''re in my Goddess'' seat."


    "I... I am?"


    "Yes. She''s here now," she waved back to me, and I waved. "In person. Your Goddess seems to have left you alone."


    "But... where am I supposed to sit?"


    Karen''s Mana Blades slipped away, and she held out a hand to the idiot in the bed throne. "There are lots of open seats."


    As Alexandra wandered down the stairs, and the men and few women surrounding the bed-throne stirred and started crawling and staggering away, Karen turned to me and held out a hand. My Goddess? Help?


    I stepped to her, bringing my ladies along. "What you need, Karen?"


    I... have heard rumors that you can influence the sun in its course?


    "I think everybody would be pissed if I cut the Revel short by having sunset now."


    "I was thinking perhaps sunrise?"


    I thought about it for a second, shrugged. "Sure."


    She reached out, took my hand, and I felt the anti-tingle of Mana flowing into her. Letting her do her thing, I reached out and pulled. Pulled the sun back through the sky. It fought me a little, and I reached out, and down, and further out, and further down, to that terrible place where Her Dark Fatassness was just an Avatar of a her that was incomprehensibly vast even to her continent covering ass. I pulled, like pulling back a spring, and the sun sank down to the horizon, obedient to my strength and will alike.


    I let it go, and it flew into the sky like a crossbow bolt. The moment it crested the horizon, the pull of power from Karen multiplied, and she rose into the air. The aura around the Yandere Shobitch Wedding Gown surged outward, encompassing the dais, then the room, leaving me staring at a world in reverse wireframe as it encompassed the Temple itself. The light faded as Karen landed lightly in front of the chair. I looked around the room. It was...


    Clean. The people in it as well, although most of them were buck naked and seemed horny as fuck. Everything still looked old and busted as shit, though. The place needed an overhaul.


    Shit.


    MY place. Needed a full remodel. A makeover. And I did not have the time, Mana, or really creative juices to do it right now.


    But at least it was clean.


    Including the fuckin'' bed-throne, which Karen waved me to as she let go of my hand.


    "Your throne, My Goddess."


    I opened my mouth to snark at her, but she looked so fuckin''... sincere. She''d asked for this. Worked for it. Stood up to a fuckin'' Goddess for it. For me. Just to put me in that fuckin'' seat. I mean, it did have the benefit of being a literal fucking seat, so there was that.


    I stepped forward and looked down at it. Murmurs and quiet sounds of skin on skin made me look around to where the folks around me were definitely getting way more into the spirit of the whole Revel than they had been before. I saw a couple people dancing. Yeah, a couple more doing the horizontal mambo, one couple doing it vertically, but they looked like they were actually into it, rather than being driven by Aphrodite''s aura.


    Karen whispered, "I''ll see to the Revelers, my Goddess. Their safety, their Consent. You need only..." I nodded, and she strode off, a spring in her step.


    I looked back at the chair. The throne. My throne, that my Highest Priestess had just won for me. The moment I turned and sat down, I was admitting to what I was. Declaring in front of a fuckin'' temple full of fuckin'' people that I was, in fact, a Goddess. Somebody to pray to. Somebody to call to in times of need. Somebody to obey. Somebody to ask the hard moral questions.


    The moment I turned and sat, I wasn''t just an adult. I was a responsible adult. Like, responsible not only for myself but for everybody who signed up to follow me.


    I don''t know how long I stood there staring. Maybe a second, maybe a minute. I''d kinda fucked up my own sun-based time sense for the day, at least.


    Siobhan, since you seem set to take your Goddess mandated third try at Marie right now, might I suggest you find a less precarious perch?


    Siobhan giggled. "I think I''m afraid of heights. Perfect. Marie?"


    I was about to look around when I heard his voice. Saffron''s voice. It reached in and flipped every fucking switch I had. I spun, stumbling backwards as I drank him in with my eyes. Dark. Muscled. Thick, in every fucking way that mattered. Rocking Glowing Midnight sans dress. My ass hit the seat and he loomed over me for a second before taking a knee in front of me. Saffron bowed his head, curly black hair bouncing, inviting me to bury my fingers in it, cling to it, clutch it, and his voice rumbled over me. "My Goddess. My lover. My wife." He smirked at me. "My Goof. Are you ready for me?"


    My smile stretched so wide I think my lips split as I realized that the only thing I felt at that moment was an utter unquenchable need for the beautiful man standing in front of me. "Kitten?"


    "Yes, Goof?"


    "Why are you waiting?"


    So he stopped.


    It was absolutely everything Saffron had promised, and then some. Really glad we had Karen there paying attention to shit. Y''know, like evacuating the Temple. I gotta do something nice for her, especially since she''ll probably be overseeing the repairs.


    Fuck it. Place needed a new roof anyhow.

 Day Four Hundred And Forty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    "Agency, Egalitarianism, Redemption,


    Consent, Equality, Restoration,


    Try, Evaluate, Retry."


    - Doctrine of Tabitha, Introduction


    Yeah, I''m writing a book. Me, Tabitha Diaz, dumbass so epic I got dying wrong when I got shot in the head. Not just any book, either, but a whole Holy Text and shit.


    Totally Saffron''s idea. Okay, that''s not fair. But I''m gonna blame her. What with most of my ''making her pay for the things I''m blaming her for'' being ''doing shit she loves'', I don''t think she''ll mind so much. I did get the idea during a conversation with her.


    Yesterday was... Epic. Mythic. Legendary. Maybe even literally in all three cases. If there was anything left of my mental block as regards intimacy with Saffron while she''s fully shapeshifted, that shit got shattered as fuck along with my pelvis. Yeah, no, she did not in fact shatter my pelvis, but Aphrodite''s bed-throne thing? I think somewhere in there it exploded, like stuff thrown under a hydraulic press. The raised dais went the same way. We discovered that there was, in fact, some kind of room under the dais, but fuck if I know what it was, because at that point Saffron and I''d seen Karen get the last bystanders out of the room, and shit got real. I know the roof came down, because I vaguely remember big chunks of stone dropping. I think I swatted one away that was gonna squish us? I''m not sure? What I do remember is the sheer screaming terror that shot through me when I heard Ice Pop squealing, screaming, and giggling. Almost killed the mood until I glanced through her eyes and realized that she had, in fact, jumped into her fuckin'' fear fetish with both feet, and Marie was literally fucking carrying her through the rain of giant chunks of stone, letting them miss her by margins so thin I think both of them lost some hair.


    Probably said something about my state of mind that my entire judgement at that point was ''okay, yeah, glad they''re having fun."


    I floated back to myself lying on a slab of the roof, staring up at the stars overhead. Groans of complicated settling echoed through the Temple, or the ruins of the Temple, really. Somewhere nearby Siobhan was... singing? A lullaby, or something else sweet and soothing and light. "You okay, Ice Pop?"


    "Wonderful!" she sang, maybe a little breathy, and the acoustics were shit, but other than maybe being lightheaded she sounded fine.


    I realized just then that the stone underneath me had come from the ceiling, unless the roof had the same fancy scrollwork as the ceiling. Saffron lay atop me, head pillowed on my breasts, panting interspersed with snores. I ran my hands gently over her shoulders, tentacles going further down her back where I couldn''t reach, until just above her hips I hit another roof slab lying atop her, atop us, cracked and leaning to either side. "Holy shit, Kitten. Are you okay?"


    "Mmm... Wonderful, love."


    "Can you feel your legs?"


    She stirred a little, but didn''t get her head around enough to look at me. "Dunno. Don''t care."


    "Little worried about you, Kitten."


    She nuzzled me, smiling. "Aww... why?"


    "There''s a couple tons of stone lying across your ass." She broke down into giggling snickers. "What?"


    "Your word salad got almost coherent at one point. Something about ''harder'' and ''deeper''."


    "And?"


    She snorted, trying not to lose her shit laughing. "That was almost, but not quite, hard enough, apparently."


    I just stared at the top of her head. "A multi-ton slab of roof stone breaking across your ass was ''almost hard enough''?"


    She looked up, pure hilarity in her eyes, and said, "oh, no. That wasn''t what broke it. But when it tipped over onto us, that gave you ideas. You hammering on it with your tentacles is what broke it."


    I closed my eyes and stared sightlessly up at the stars. "Fuck."


    "And a couple walls, I think."


    "Double fuck."


    "Oh, I''m fairly certain you cracked the foundations as well."


    I just sighed and shook my head. "Are you sure you''re okay?"


    She volleyed my sigh back to me, shook her head, and set her hands to either side of my waist. She heaved, making me twitch as she disengaged, and both halves of the slab on top of us shifted up like a foot. "Uh, love?"


    "Yeah, Kitten?"


    "Could you perhaps move these? I''m really not... The angle''s bad." I couldn''t help it, I laughed, reached out with a few tentacles, got a good grip and slowly flipped them over. As I did, I levered myself up so I could see where they''d be landing. Once I confirmed both landing areas were clear, I shoved them over, then pulled Saffron up to me so I could confirm that her mouth was also, in perfect working order. When I let her go she pushed away, smiling at me. "How are you feeling?"


    I took a moment to take stock. "Little sore. I don''t think anybody intended for this ceiling to be used as a bed. For any bed related uses. Think I maybe scuffed the paint a little, but I''m not sure anybody''ll notice with all the scars."


    "I will."


    We lost another little bit to liplock, and I absolutely refused to be upset about that. I chuckled when I realized what was wrong-ish. "I''m uh... not anxious."


    It took her a second, at which point she leaned back. "Who are you and what have you done with Tabitha?"


    I laughed. "Okay, fine, smart ass. Boy please?" She got maybe a little tense, and I asked, "what''s wrong?"


    "Remember that comment you made? ''That thing''s like a stupidity amplifier''?"


    "I think I said horniness."


    She shrugged. "Yes, well. Up until you gave me permission, I had inhibitions. But here? Now? With the sounds and smells of a Revel wafting over us? The crater we caused reeking of you? I''m not sure I could hold myself back."


    I hooked my ankles behind her thighs. "Kinda exactly why I was asking. Boy mode. One shot. Please?"


    She flopped on top of me, panting, a few minutes later. "That was two."


    "One. By. My. Count," she panted out, and I laughed into her hair.


    "Yeah, I could eat, and would, but for the first time in god knows how long I''m not hungry."


    I''m sure I don''t know that.


    Well that''s not real helpful.


    Apologies, daughter.


    Nah, don''t worry about it, Dad. Mom says you''re still the best.


    If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


    I know.


    Meanwhile Saffron snuggled up to me, smiling. "You mean I satiated the insatiable?"


    I pulled her up for another quick kiss. "I said I could still eat. But... yeah? I guess? I''m definitely satisfied." I looked around, and frowned. "Shit. I finally own some property with an actual building on it, and now it''s wrecked."


    She shrugged. "It was sort of a wreck anyhow, love."


    "Yeah, but... people used it. Liked it." She shook her head. "No? Who were all the people in here when we got here?"


    She frowned. "Don''t remind me. Karen let her get away." When I raised an eyebrow, she explained. "Almost everyone in the Temple when Aphrodite is in residence is either a wealthy benefactor or an... ''employee''."


    "I got nothing against sex workers, Kitten."


    "Oh, I''ve nothing against them either, but I for one think they should be paid. In more than room, board, and the continued survival of their loved ones."


    "Shit. Fuck. Goddammit." She looked at me, and I shook my head. "Every time I think ''oh, hey, maybe some part of something Doesn''t Suck'', along comes one of the local head honchos to prove me wrong." I sighed. "But..." When Saffron cocked her head, looking at me sideways, I finished, "Alexandra sounds too dumb to really be evil."


    She opened her mouth, closed it, then after thinking a moment said, "vast amounts of evil has been done by stupid men. And women."


    "Well, yeah, but she doesn''t even seem like one of them. Just... some bimbo who''s too stupid to fuck up Aphrodite''s shit when she''s not being sock puppetted. Fuck, if Aphrodite is anything like the rest of her family, I wouldn''t be surprised if she hasn''t done some serious brain damage to the poor bitch."


    Saffron sighed, then smiled softly at me. "Even your worst enemies, who have violated your most sacred principles, you would be merciful to." She kissed me gently. "Just another reason I love you."


    Another chunk of the roof fell, and about halfway down I saw Marie and Siobhan disappear off of it. "Shit, I think we''ve created a monster."


    "She''ll fit right in then. A kind, gentle monster whose only crime is wanting to be happy and make others happy in turn."


    "I... I do worse than that and you know it."


    She nodded, closing her eyes as she did. "But if you could choose, that''s who you would be, would it not?"


    "Yeah. Yeah, maybe you''re right." I pushed myself upright, slipping Saffron around into my lap. "How are we gonna fix this?"


    Saffron shrugged. "I could give you plans and have Karen implement them, but I''m not sure I''m really up to designing d¨¦cor appropriate for a Temple of ''Love''."


    "Yeah. I think I''d like it to be more ''Love'' and less ''Lust'', while we''re at it." She just stared at me, obviously fighting to hold her laughter in. I shook my head. "Ice Pop! Murder Mittens! Finish up and rally on me when you''re done!" I snuggled Saffron; we''d worked up a bit of a sweat, and the night air had taken a bit of a chilly turn. A few moments later Marie let out an echoing roar, and before it died down the two of them stood in front of us, grinning like drunk idiot teenagers. I waved them over, and Marie dropped Siobhan on Saffron''s lap, then swung herself around to sit behind me, wrapping her legs around us and leaning against my back.


    "Did you need something, Hero?" I shot her a little side eye, and Siobhan smiled, leaned in, and whispered, "Ta. Bi. Tha," in my ear.


    I smiled and nodded. "Tell me I''m not stupid for wanting this place to be more about, y''know, love? Actual intimacy? And not just getting off?"


    She looked around at the devastation of a building shaken to pieces by, well, exactly that, snorted once, then said, "No, Tabitha. Not in the slightest. No matter how silly it sounds with you sitting here in a temple you ruined that way, there is no shame or stupidity in wanting to be about more than just carnal desire. And yet..."


    "What?"


    She cocked her head and asked, "Is it so bad? Oh, I know the excesses of Aphrodite needed to end, but," she smiled, blushing and wobbling a little, laying her head on my shoulder. "I cannot find it in myself to find anything wrong with anything we''ve done over these past few days." I looked around, waved one hand at the devastation that had been a crappy, but functional Temple a few hours ago. She followed my gesture, then just laughed. "That just proves my point, my beloved Hero."


    Before I could say anything, Saffron chimed in. "I hadn''t thought of it that way, but you''re absolutely correct, Sister."


    Then Marie growled, "Truth." in my ear.


    "Okay, okay, when everybody I trust to be wiser, smarter, and more experienced than me agrees, I think it''s my job to shut up and listen to you explain. So. Explain."


    Saffron nodded to Siobhan, who smiled and said, "when Karen claimed this place, it was a broken shell of itself, a place once dedicated to sybaritic luxury and physical pleasure, which had become corrupted and decrepit due to Aphrodite''s appetites." When I frowned, she said, "not her appetite for pleasure, mind you. Her appetite for control. For degradation. For abuse." She waited, and when I nodded my understanding, she said, "and then... You. You and Saffron. Passion. Ecstasy. Yes, sex, but sex as... as it should be?"


    "YES." Marie didn''t often raise her voice, but that one word made my head vibrate.


    "A wild celebration of the physical aspect of love. Of your attraction and desire for one another." She paused, and I waved around the room. "Yes, Hero. The Temple of Oppression, of Degradation of Abuse? Literally could not stand in the face of your Passion, your Ecstasy, your Joy."


    I blinked. I hadn''t really thought about it like that. I wanted to argue that in a literal sense, we fucked the Temple to pieces, but... shit, that was some absolutely passionate, ecstatic, joyous fucking, and if my quick glimpses earlier were anything to go by, the place was pretty much what Siobhan described. "Okay. Okay, yeah, I guess I can see that." I smirked. "I mean, I sure as shit ain''t gonna apologize for getting my ashes so expertly hauled by my Kitten here. But how are we gonna rebuild it?"


    "As I said, managing the construction is properly the duty of your Highest Priestess. The design... if I might suggest?"


    "Shit, Kitten. Hit me, anything you suggest has got to be better than me trying to come up with a plan."


    She flicked my forehead. "Says the woman who planned the Liberation of Calverton. But... Conrad."


    "Conrad."


    "Simply tell him that this is to be your Temple. Your architectural representation in the Mortal Realm. I can''t see him designing something less than perfect."


    I sagged. "I''m gonna wind up with a brothel."


    All three of them laughed. "But one of a much higher quality, and if you want it to be otherwise, simply tell him that."


    "Yeah, it''s still gonna be the House of Sex."


    Saffron nodded. "So it will be. But not just sex. Just like you are not just our lover."


    "No?"


    All three of them glared at me. Okay, I assumed Marie did, from the pinpricks in my lats. "No, Goof. You are our Goddess. Our Wife. Our Protector, Defender, Avenger when need be. You are our strength, our joy, our love." She reached around the back of Siobhan''s neck, pushed her face into the side of my neck, then leaned into me as Marie''s jaws closed on my other shoulder. "And yes, you are our lover." She kissed me, and for an endless moment the world was nothing but lips and teeth and skin and fur and warmth.


    When we came up for air, Karen stood on the nearest flat stable surface, waiting. I held up one finger, turned to Saffron, and said, "okay. Yeah. Karen to organize shit, Conrad to design the new place, but how are we gonna pay for all of it?"


    Karen started to say something, stopped, and I looked up and waved for her to go on. "This... this is a Temple." When I just looked at her, she said, "Tithes. The faithful tithe."


    I frowned. "Yeah... I don''t feel right about that. Just taking people''s money because we''re on top of the heap."


    She shrugged. "It is how things are done."


    "Yeah. Not good enough. I... I get taxes. People pay taxes, the government provides services. Guards. Roads. Heroes. But... tithes? What the fuck are we gonna give them?" Karen worked her jaw without talking, maybe getting a little red in the face, and I said, "yeah, I got no problem with sex work, but I''m not a pimp. Or a Madam."


    Saffron shrugged. "The better class of both provide services to the workers. Physical protection is the most common. Prostitution does not lend itself to wearing armor, and sex professionals often wind up in compromising positions. But if someone nearby is ready and willing to do violence to anyone who harms the prostitute, their clients are far less likely to take advantage of that."


    I sighed. "Okay. Okay, yeah, I guess once we rebuild we can, I dunno, rent out rooms. Lockers. Shit, there was a bar here. Maybe we can run a restaurant? I''m not against any of that, but that doesn''t give us anything right now, and I really don''t want to go into debt to rebuild the place. I mean, I will if we have to. People need their Temples, I guess? But..."


    At that point Karen interrupted, blurting out, "books!"


    Before I could say anything, Saffron said, "that''s... not a terrible idea, love." I looked at her. "We can create copies fairly readily, and one of the biggest obstacles to universal literacy is a lack of books. Coupled with your need to disseminate your refreshingly unconventional views on how the world should be, giving books containing your Doctrine would be perfect."


    "I kinda want to give those away for free, though."


    She shook her head. "That would be going too far, love. That which is free is without value. But tithes according to what people can afford recompensed by copies of your Holy Writ? They would value those."


    "She''s right, Goddess, but..."


    I shook my head, interrupting Karen''s disagreement. "I don''t have a Holy Writ though."


    Saffron booped my nose. "You''d best get to writing one, then. Unless you intend to have Karen speak with every person in the, I will remind you, ever growing Alliance to explain your Doctrines?"


    I sighed. "Shit. Fine. Guess I''ll be taking over yet another room in the Library."


    "You could work in our office, love."


    I shrugged. "Where are you gonna work?"


    She smiled at me. "I can work wherever, love. Including sitting next to you as you write."


    "But... we''ve only got the one chair."


    Everybody stared at me. Eventually Karen said, quietly, "I''m certain we can procure a second chair for you, Goddess. But..."


    "But what?"


    She blushed. Fiercely. Which showed up something fierce with her freckles and hair. "I meant the books in your... ah... personal library. In your headboard?"

 Day Four Hundred And Forty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    "Agency, Consent, Actions


    Freedom to make your choices,


    This is about you, not me."


    - Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Agency


    Took me all day yesterday to decide that yeah, I''m going with poetry for my Holy Book. Lot of reasons why.


    Some of it is tradition, or at least what I remember from tradition. Back in my old world, most of what people knew about the Norse Gods was from the Eddas, and one of those was basically just one big book of poetry. Shit, I read some parts of the Prose Edda, and even that was pretty fuckin'' flowery. But neither of those were really ''Holy Books''. They were compilations of stories about the Norse Gods that had been recorded in oral traditions and runic illustrations. They weren''t a ''here''s how your God wants you to live''. Really I''m only familiar with one book like that, and given me being me means I''m gonna wind up talking about tiddies, vag, cock, and the intersection thereof at some point in here, and the only place I remember that topic being addressed positively in the Bible is Song of Solomon, which is all poetry.


    That steps onto the next reason, which is that at some point if I write this shit down, somebody''s gonna try to sing it. I cannot count the number of really shitty hymns I heard back in the day, which later turned out to be straight up quotes of shit that was never meant to be sung. Maybe if I keep it all poetic it''ll give future hymn writers a little bit more to work with, so I don''t wind up getting the urge to smite entire congregations because their hymns unto me make me want to drink paint thinner.


    Of course, the real, deep reason is the nature of poetry. On one hand, a writing coach once told me that ''poetry is nothing but imagery dense prose''. Which, itself is just a tiny bit poetic, since it''s not just images that come at you fast in poetry, it''s also emotions and meaning and all other kinds of shit. I''m a fuckin'' Goddess of Agency. Telling people exactly what to do, forcing them to live like little robots, is just not me. So not only will writing my Holy Book as poetry let me pack more book in my Book, because I heard my followers like books, it''ll also leave room for interpretation. Fuck, if what I''ve heard from authors is right, they''ll have interpretations I never thought of. So I gotta be careful about how I phrase things, maybe? I mean, I know I''m gonna fuck that up, but ''the curtains were blue'' is just way too restrictive for me, ''the curtains were the color of the sky'' is just a holy war waiting to happen with the whole fucking spectrum showing up in rainbows and shit, but ''the curtains were the color of a cloudless sky at midday'' maybe leaves room for local interpretation without being so loosey goosey as to allow unwilling human sacrifice as a party game.


    Spent yesterday thinking about how I want my Holy Book to be as well as Co-Locating specifically to make copies of the better romance novels on the Love Shack shelves. Then making copies of a couple of the shitty ones, because apparently local tastes aren''t as refined as mine, which is not a phrase I ever thought I''d say, ever. Holy fucking shitballs on toast, I am become a Woman of Culture for reals. But yeah, Karen definitely wanted a copy of the one she''d ''read to help herself sleep'', Saffron had a couple she liked, and even Marie had one. Okay, Marie wanted me to make copies of the ''instruction manual''. She likes stuff with a lot of pictures. I''m... I''m not sure she knows how to read? Fuck, why would she fuckin'' need to? Does she even want to? I gotta have that conversation at some point, if only to keep myself from spiraling into guilt about keeping my Concubine barefoot and illiterate.


    Yeah, I gotta do that before I get her pregnant, because she fucking lives in the blessed kitchen, and that''s just too on the nose for even me. I mean, shit, Agency. If she makes it very clear to me that her self-envisioned ideal state is barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen making me sandwiches, I guess my job at that point is to enjoy shoving buns in her oven while nomming her sandwiches. But fuck me if that''s not gonna be weird as shit.


    We all returned to Lancaster House and snuggled up for bed. None of us were really feeling particularly randy, so we all just settled in to snooze. Okay, I felt Siobhan drag Marie off for a bit. Then Marie returned and she did the same to Saffron. A few moments after Saffron collapsed back into herself, her normal warm snuggle pile smile getting a little smugger, Ice Pop dragged me to stand over her where she lay at the foot of the Love Shack bed. Dripping with sweat and maybe not-sweat, reeking of Saffron and the sea, she lay a hand on her belly and smiled. "You need me to heal you?"


    "Oh, no. Saffron took care of that. Although... after?"


    "Holy shit, Ice Pop. Really?"


    She gave me the world''s sincerest and clumsiest sultry grin and said, "but I''m the junior Concubine! It''s my rightful duty to please you all."


    I stiffened and rolled my eyes a little. "Nobody. And I mean nobody, especially not me, is gonna force you to do anything you don''t want to, especially anything sexual."


    She nodded, then got my meaning and pouted maybe just a little, then shook her head and smiled. "This is all new and exciting to me, Tabitha. So intense, so joyous, so pleasurable. I... I''ve always been dutiful, and always felt sublime joy at fulfilling my duties, but..." she blushed a little, smiling up at me. "This is the first time fulfilling my duties comes with orgasms."


    I chuckled. "Okay, okay. Siobhan." I drawled her name out, watching her eyes widen and her blush deepen. "Don''t faint on me."


    "Saffron says it''s much less likely if I''m horizontal. I hope you don''t mind?"


    "You mind if I keep you awake other ways if I want you not horizontal?"


    "Oh, no! Not overwhelming pleasure I can neither escape from nor become inured to! Whatever shall I do?" I laughed, and she made it worse, saying, "oh, yes, exactly what I did with Saffron a few minutes ago." At my raised eyebrow, she said, "scream your name."


    I loomed over her just a little. "Okay, Ice Pop. I was ready for bed, but suddenly I''ve got some urges."


    "A request, Goddess?" I paused. "What... what Saffron did to me the first time?"


    "Which part?"


    "Yes." I laughed, then Mimicked Saffron as she had been at the end of their first encounter. She swatted at me playfully, squealing, "as you! She''s right, you are a Goof." I shifted back to my own basic shape and proportions, and her eyes got very kid in a candy store wide. "Oh, my. Yes. Please."


    When we collapsed back to ourselves for the night and she snuggled a little to get comfortable, I murmured, "I''ve created a monster."


    "Roar. Grr. Fear m..." She fell asleep as fast as she woke up.


    In the morning, after I dried her off, Marie dressed Sister Siobhan in her Academy clothes. Before I even thought to ask, she announced, "I do have duties to the Academy, after all." Then a moment later, as she swayed next to herself in Glowing Midnight, do feel free to call on me if I''m required for... other duties. After she collapsed back into herself she looked a little abashed and said, "I''m... I''m not being too demanding, or forward, am I? I did, ah, initiate things last night. With, um, all three of you."


    Saffron, Marie, and I looked at each other, and before we could all burst out laughing I said, "Ice Pop? The only reason I''m not declaring an all out crusade against your ability to walk around the Infirmary today, complete with sending you reeking so bad it''ll give Trease an aneurysm from down the hall? Is because Kitten and Marie might get mad at me messing you up after they put all that work into getting you clean and just so."


    "Oh, I think we''d be fine so long as the results were as blatantly disheveled as she is perfect now..."


    "Yes."


    "But I have a better suggestion."


    I smiled at Kitten as she turned back to scrub my hair. "This I gotta hear."


    "Telling her we are absolutely going to do that with no other warning than this on some unspecified future morning, absolutely including sending her about her day utterly ravished and disheveled, as well as with the certain knowledge that we will be picking up where we left off when we decide her duties are done for the day, and we''ll be disappointed if she''s not as ruined as we left her." She paused. "Goof?"


    "Little distracted," I muttered.


    She Grinned at me. "Want some help?"


    "Please."


    A few minutes later, as we climbed out of the tub to towel off, she looked at Siobhan and said, "you can go about your day if you like. Doing it now would ruin the anticipation."


    "Oh. Oh, yes. But," her face fell a little as Marie snickered, "I wanted waffles."


    I managed to get an entire half serving of waffles today, what with Saffron stealing half of Siobhan''s rather than all of mine. Some tiny quickly extinguished spark of jealousy tried to form, but let''s face it, I not only got to watch Saffron''s sweet tooth bliss with someone else doing the work, I got half a serving of Lancaster House waffles. Zero down side. Jealousy is stupid.


    After breakfast, before I left for the day, as the staff cleared the table, Bonnie caught my intention and summoned me over with an imperious finger pointed at the seat next to her. Her house, her endless supply of waffles both for nomming and for Kitten pleasing purposes, so I walked over and sat myself down. I''m a dumbass, not an idiot.


    Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.


    "So. Fianc¨¦?"


    I held out my left hand, presenting my silvery-white ring and it''s brilliant white stone. "Yeah. Marie asked me."


    "Kinda forward for a Concubine?"


    Somehow her question didn''t set me off. Like she wasn''t judging, but definitely knew most of society might. So I just shrugged. "Yeah. I wasn''t too jazzed about the whole ''Concubine'' title anyhow, but she insisted. Been meaning to wife her for a while now. But we''ve been taking our time with it. Enjoying every step."


    She smiled. "I can understand that. I have no regrets at all about any part of our whirlwind wedding, but I do understand your desire to... savor things."


    "No regrets about getting pregnant so quick?"


    She blinked. "Why would I regret that?"


    "I mean, you didn''t exactly have years together to, uh, practice the whole process."


    She grinned, batted her eyes with a glance at Larry, who''d tuned us out the moment we started talking about engagements and rings, and said, "whatever makes you think we''ve stopped practicing?"


    I snorted out a laugh at that, maybe blushing just a little at exactly how clearly her look at him spoke to how vigorously they''d practiced. "Okay, yeah, but what about after littlest Lancaster arrives?"


    She shrugged. "We''ll have a nanny and wet nurse. A whole team of Maenads for both, thank you very much for that, no sarcasm intended." She got a bit of a faraway look. "I suppose I might need to cut into my House management time in order to be a proper mother to the little one. Saffron tells me nursing properly helps them stop aching?"


    "Honestly I got no idea. Shapeshifting into milky tits doesn''t have the same side effects as doing the actual nursing. But I think I heard her mention it, yeah. So," I took a sip from a glass somebody''d left. "Any thoughts on getting a Maenad Concubine of your very own?"


    "Tabitha! Larry has never shown the slightest interest! He has a whole building full of potential partners if such a thing came up, anyhow."


    I''d been mostly joking, but I''m not the kind of woman to let a joke lie when my partner feeds into it. Especially when Larry''s head twitched when I mentioned him getting busy with a Maenad. "Oh, hey, I''ve heard like, right after birth that shit can be really painful, so having somebody to keep your Clydesdale''s form good by giving him his daily ride while you''re out of action could be handy, but I''d really meant for, y''know, days when he''s out of action. Off reviewing the farmsteads? On campaign, although hopefully that won''t happen any time soon. In one of the other Cities doing political shit?" Bonnie''s head had started to tilt into that ''I never thought of it that way'' position, but Larry kept twitching every time I added another bit of weight to my absolutely intended as a joke argument. So of course I had to ramp it up a notch. "Hell, you guys are rich. Get yourself two. One to keep you company, another to keep him in shape while he''s away. Not to mention keeping any skanky vajayjays from trying to breed their own Fitz-Lancasters." Her look had gone from ''pondering'' to ''maybe dumbass has a point'', and Larry had lost his struggle to stay detached from the Girl Talk and was just trying not to stare at me. "Then there''s the whole question of getting old. Happens to everybody eventually. He might not last as long, hell might not even be able to get it up reliably without serious help." I waggled my eyebrows as I said, "Lemme tell ya, those ladies have Skills. The absolute top end serious help you could ever want in terms of Marital Aids. Turns ''I''m sorry, love, my soldier will not stand to attention'' straight up into ''ready to campaign, ma''am''. Not to mention, y''know, being really fuckin'' good at, uh, battlefield support. Reinforcements. I''d say ''cavalry'', but that''s pretty much you, right? So I guess they''d be your infantry, the Volunteers supporting you?"


    "TABITHA!" Larry''s voice squeaked as he tried to strangle his own involuntary shout. "How could you of all people suggest such a thing?"


    Ladies, I think Bonnie would like to see your rings. Siobhan? If you could join us for some gossipy Girl Time maybe? As they arrived around me, I said, "what? Being Poly? Or getting it on with a girl?" I grinned at Larry, "I mean, I thought you liked that, but," I turned to Bonnie. "Lemme tell you, it''s," I did the little fingertip kiss. "Mwah! Perfect."


    I... had maybe forgotten about Bonnie''s reaction to my joke on her wedding day. She leaned one elbow on the table, chin in her palm, and batted her eyelashes at him as he worked his mouth like a fish, trying to come up with something that wouldn''t offend me. "Are you telling me you''d deny me, husband?" When his face almost firmed up she caught him again with, "deny me a treat I totally intend to share you with... I mean share with you?"


    I couldn''t leave my man to the coronary his wife was clearly about to provoke. "Aw, cut him some slack, Bonnie. You know Larry''s totally besotted with you. Dotes on you." I looked at him. "As is right and good. My adoptive mother Sigyn agrees." He looked a little less offended. "Seriously, man, if you two wanna duo queue until you die, I''m fully behind you. If you wanna populate the entire Ladies'' Quarters with women who of their own volition can''t get enough of that luscious Lancaster Lovin'', I''m down for that too. Just so long as everybody''s happy and there of their own free will."


    At that point Bonnie couldn''t keep a straight face any more, and started laughing along with Saffron and Marie. She also pulled Larry and planted his head in her ever expanding pre-baby cleavage for a hug, where she took obvious absolute delight in stroking his hair while humming to him. I realized right then that maybe part of the reason he and I clashed at first, and maybe also got along eventually, was a certain commonality in outlook as regards certain body parts. Okay, probably not, but yeah, I''d totally stop stirring up or reacting to shit if Saffron...


    Right then she removed my ability speculate on shit by mirroring Bonnie. The other ladies went on about rings and dates and venues and all kinds of other shit that would have had me breaking out in hives a year ago. I think somehow Bonnie and Larry''s wedding had inoculated me, because some part of me looked forward to marrying Marie. Like, not even the wedding night, either. I mean, I absolutely looked forward to that, especially what with that maybe happening in our own house, but I wanted that tux. I wanted her in that dress. I wanted Saffron in that dress too, but she''d been very clear about our upcoming Marie nuptials being all about Murder Mittens getting to be the bridest bride to ever bride. Seeing Saffron in my tux wasn''t a bad consolation prize, I guess. I definitely wanted to watch my Maenad''s reaction as we slipped those rings on her finger. My intent at this point was, at the ''kiss the bride'' moment, to dip her and kiss her and hand her over to my Kitten to continue kissing. Totally a leverage thing, since I''m taller. Not me needing to taste tiger wifey lips first.


    But all that shit, me thinking about not just future plans, but future plans about a whole big ceremony and shit? Was something I would have run screaming from last Equinox.


    Shit, maybe I was growing up.


    Once we broke for the day, I settled in to work on another verse of my Holy Writ. I''m taking it slow, just a few lines a day. I get that some people do just a bajillion words and then go back to edit them later, but something about that just doesn''t work for me. Instead I''m just gonna get a little bit as right as I can every day, and then work forward from there. Maybe when I get the whole thing done I''ll do a final editing pass to make sure I didn''t, like, use the same phrase sixteen times by accident or something. On purpose, sure, but not by accident.


    Also, I might talk a little about the fun part of begatting, and probably some about, y''know, kids, but I''m not fucking around with genealogy or history. Not my thing, I don''t know any of that really well, and I''m just gonna let other people tell the story of how I got here for themselves. Been there, done that, don''t want to remember all of it. Kinda want to forget the parts people go gaga over the most.


    Once I finished my writing for the day, I gave Kitten a kiss on the forehead before leaving, which she turned into a thorough tongue based dental inspection, much to my delight. Then I hopped back to the Love Shack and spent the day Co-Locating to make more copies of the requested books. Near the end of the day I hopped back to Lancaster House, dug out my old tinker backpack, duped that a couple times and loaded it with books, then loaded them up and stepped them over to the ruined Temple.


    Karen stood there in the middle of a cleared space, with a mix of Maenads and big beefy looking guys clearing out rubble and assorted wrecked furnishings. When she saw me she sighed in relief. "Thank you for coming, Goddess." Then she saw the packs I''d dropped before collapsing into one of me and her face lit up. "Are those the books?"


    "The... ah... personal library ones. The Holy Writ isn''t done yet. I''m working on it."


    She nodded. "I had some questions?"


    You realize you could have asked earlier?


    I didn''t want to disturb your meditations upon your Doctrines.


    "Okay, important thing going forward, if there''s any kind of emergency, or even just something time critical you want my advice on? You ask me." I chuckled a little. "Half the time I use that shit to poke Saffron with random horny thoughts."


    She smiled at me. "Not Holy Consort Marie?"


    I thought about that for a second before realizing that she was, absolutely, the Consort of two outright Deities, so it kinda fit. Fuck it, Special Titles for Murder Mittens are A-Okay by me. "Nah. Where do you think I get at least half of the horny thoughts from?"


    Her smile turned into a giggle, then disappeared. "I''m sorry, my goddess, but I do need to know. What shall we do with the bodies?"


    I froze. "We... I..." Tears threatened, but I wouldn''t, couldn''t be distracted by my own pain right now. "We didn''t get everyone out?"


    Karen shook her head. "No, Goddess. Every living person in the Temple escaped its destruction, but... we found bodies in some of the cells. Old ones. Dead for... years, some of them, I think."


    "Bodies... Were... Were there catacombs or something? Those are things that get put in Temples, right?"


    Karen shook her head. "No, Goddess. At least not that we can tell. There were no signs of burial rites. Just... bodies, locked in cells."


    I closed my eyes and took a deep, centering breath. I counted to ten. Then twenty. Smoke tickled my nose, and I opened my eyes. "Find their people if you can, and ask how they''d like them buried. For any we can''t... see if the Maenads can figure out who they were, if their Souls are still hanging around. If not... Lemme ask around. But... pick a spot. Somewhere in the foundations. Maybe somewhere out back. Shit, I''ll tell Conrad to pick a spot. If we can''t find them, or take them home? We''ll bury them here. In the Temple, or nearby. With full rites. It''s the least we can do."


    "What Rites, My Goddess?"


    I barked out something that could almost be mistaken for a laugh. "Shit, I gotta figure that out too, don''t I?'' At her nod, I said, "Just another thing on my to-do list. I''ll figure something out. But unless we find out that somebody deserved to..." I ground my teeth as more of the rock under my feet burned away. "Deserved to die alone in a box? We take care of them."


    "Yes, Goddess."


    Another deep, cleansing breath that tasted of stone, and I waved to the packs. "I guess let the Maenads and workers have first pick?"


    "The workers and Maenads have been paid already. At least enough to cover the cleanup, if not the rebuilding."


    "Who... did we get some tithes or something?"


    She shook her head. "The Clergy of Art... Diana sent over a sizeable donation to ''assist with our recovery''. Several others did so as well after that, although I suspect they were prompted more by trying to keep parity with Diana''s Priestesses than out of any spirit of camaraderie or generosity."


    I nodded. "Cool, I gotta thank Diana when I see her next. For the rest? Fuck ''em, our money now."


    "Ah... literally, or?"


    I laughed and pulled her into a hug. "Thanks, Karen. I needed that. Tell you what, it''s up to you. You wanna snub ''em because they''re acting like dicks? Snub away. You wanna play nice because they''re genuinely being nice? I''m cool with that too. You wanna get your horizontal mambo on with one of them because they press your buttons in just the right ways? You have my explicit permission to use their donation as an excuse." I looked at the packs. "Hell, take them one of the books, or even better one of the instruction manuals. Tell ''em you want to test it out or some shit. Oughta work. You''re pretty hot, that dress is smokin'', and horny guys are dumb."


    She chuckled as she reached reverently into the first pack and pulled out a copy of the book she''d read. She flipped it open, fanning to a page mid-book, then froze. "Ah, Goddess?"


    "Yeah?"


    "We''ll certainly still give these out as tithe gifts, and I''m certain they''ll be appreciated, especially by those with no reading material in the first place, but..."


    I sighed, my shoulders slumping. "What''s wrong?"


    "Most literate people in Phileo read Celtic."

 Day Four Hundred And Forty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    "Your choices and yours alone,


    Your choices are important,


    Choices make you who you are."


    - Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Agency


    Man, writing this stuff is hard. I think I''m dumb. Like, not even ''too dumb to write a book'', but ''so dumb that I made writing a book harder on myself''. Like, somehow instead of being normal and just writing shit down, I gotta go and do a poetry. My biggest worry at this point is that somebody''s going to misuse my words, and I go and make them easier to misuse.


    Okay, not really. I mean, yes, but no. Shit, definitely tail chasing here, but maybe I need to do that in my Diary rather than do it in my Doctrine. Y''know? Kind of like working out all of my crazy stupid panic here where nobody gives a shit instead of in the book that, apparently, will be guiding generations of people about how they''re supposed to live life and shit.


    I... really don''t know how many people will wind up reading it. I also don''t know about translating it into Standardized Celtic. Like, I guess I should? At some point? But I''m gonna write it in English, because I''m fluent in English. I think one of my Language Arts teachers told me I''m hyperfluent or something. But once I''ve got it down in English I''ll sit down with Saffron and have her help me translate it into Celtic that vaguely resembles whatever I come up with.


    Seriously. I''m gonna give it out, because I''ve got a bully pulpit at the moment and not at least saying ''hey, here''s how I think people ought to live'' when they''ve pretty much stood me up and asked me how to live sounds wildly irresponsible. But... Apparently I''m the Love Goddess. How many people go to the Goddess of Getting Your Groove On when they''ve got deep moral problems? Or even when they''ve got any kind of problem at all other than ''my ashes are insufficiently hauled''.


    Wait, wait, wait, I''m still the ''Patron Deity of the Alliance'', whether I''m Tabitha or Mimic. The Imperator Worships me, whether I''m Tabitha or Mimic. Honestly I don''t know which one she prefers, and I''m a little scared to find out. But either way, it''s got me a little twisted around that the Imperator of the Alliance, who sure as shit is wielding at least as much power as any King, isn''t Worshipping at the Temple of Kings. She''s spending her Worship dollars at the Temples of Wisdom and Love. Which... honestly? Now that I think about it? Sounds surprisingly okay. Almost as good as the Temple of Kings winding up being the Temple of getting drunk and having your past come back to haunt you. Fuck it, I''m down for that. If the people who''ve been following in the footsteps of thunderdick feel the way the wind is blowing and, y''know, back the fuck down rather than escalating against us? I am absolutely fine with them retiring to get drunk and get their just desserts. Fuck, so long as they''re not continuing to fuck people over, I can''t even get real worked up about petty bullshit they''ve done.


    Major bullshit, sure. I am a Goddess of Vengeance. They straight up murdered people, and they''re not penitent and trying to make that shit right? I''m down for granulating them from the toes up. Fuck it, if they''re particularly awful, but also clearly trying to turn their sewage waste barge selves around? I could even just sit there and Revive them every time somebody executed them for a murder they committed. Like, fair''s fair, you fucked around, I''m not gonna stop you from finding out, but I''m also apparently big on second chances, according to Saffron. Fuck, I think she''s right, really. I gave Diana one. The bitch who had my daughter killed, whose brother killed tens, maybe hundreds of thousands because I made her less pretty, and I still gave her one when she seemed genuinely contrite.


    Maybe that was an act, but I kinda doubt it. When you tell somebody you''re gonna kill them, then you torture them to death over twelve hours, and their last act as they pass from this Earth is to make sure that the person doing the torturing gets any and all power they have left? Kinda a sign that they acknowledge they fucked up, and hopes somebody does better than them. At least that''s the way I''m gonna read it, at least until something comes up that proves me wrong. The money she gave us to rebuild the temple is a nice sign too.


    So after delivering the books late yesterday, and realizing that other than the sexy picture books they''re not in a common local language, Karen dropped another bombshell on me. This one was more minor grapeshot than a bunker buster, but I wasn''t really at my best. "Forgive me, Goddess, but can you find a place to store these?"


    "Why not here?"


    She looked around, looked up, and gestured at the complete lack of roof. "Rain?"


    I facepalmed. "Ah, shit. Yeah. Um... I really don''t want to store them in, uh, our Library room. Don''t want them getting confused for the originals. But... Gimme a bit?"


    "My time is yours, Goddess."


    I nodded and stepped across to the Temple of Wisdom, where Ray and Saffron Rae were just closing up the doors. Not, like, locking them or anything, but it looked like everybody was headed home after a long, long weekend Revel. Ray grumped at me when I said, "Hey, guys!"


    Saffron Rae turned, held out her arms, and when I stepped to her embraced me. "It''s good to see you, Tabitha."


    "Yeah, you too! I, uh... Yeah, sorry I haven''t stopped by after my birthday or anything."


    She just gave me a confused look. "Why would you be sorry?"


    I shrugged and looked around as I said, "y''know, we''re all Priestesses at the same Temple... I mean, Clergy, and that was a really nice, thoughtful, surprisingly useful present you gave me, and I haven''t even been around to socialize, or to Priestess stuff, or anything."


    Ray grumbled something under his breath, but Saffron Rae just smiled and said, "you''ve been overseeing the Liberation of Calverton from the Undead, from what Hestia tells me you have literally undone a curse most thought to be permanent, and you''ve," she hesitated, clearly trying to find a polite way to say something, then shrugged and just went with, "ascended to Godhood and claimed the Temple of Love as your own. I think your schedule has been full enough to excuse any lack of social calls."


    Despite Raymond still looking like he''d tried to suck start the south end of a northbound horse, Saffron Rae seemed pretty genuine about things. "Thanks for understanding. Yeah, I''ve kinda been swamped. Not like that''s changing any time soon, but... maybe a different kind of swamped?"


    "Do tell?"


    I nodded at the remains of the Temple of Love, which definitely had that ''ruined Temple'' look from every fantasy video game ever going on. "Gotta rebuild that. Gotta build our new house. Gotta maybe get the Black Dragon in full working order. Really ought to help rebuild enough of Calverton to make sure everybody''s got a place to sleep. Plus, y''know... I''m writing a Holy Book for my new followers and that really sounds fuckin'' arrogant and weird as shit to say."


    Saffron Rae chuckled in response. "Oh, it''s ambitious, but at the same time... Do you intend to stand by what you write?"


    I nodded. "Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Taking my time with it, trying to make sure I get it right. Yeah, I might need to add stuff later, or clarify shit, but yeah, I try to be a woman of my word, and that goes double for shit I take the time to write down and everything."


    She nodded. "Then I cannot see a single thing wrong with you doing so. It''s not arrogant. It''s acting with foresight." She smiled at me. "It''s even, dare I say, Wise?"


    This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.


    Raymond grumbled out something like, "Exactly. Should have been here."


    I blinked. "Wait... are you upset because Saffron and I got it on in the Temple of Love instead of the Temple of Wisdom?" He opened his mouth to respond, but when nothing came out I asked, "or, y''know, did you want to be involved too?" His look definitely went to cranky places, so I Mimicked Saffron Rae and said, "with permission, of course. But, y''know, there are at least four of us who can pull this trick now."


    "The Autumn Equinox is an important Holy Day for the Temple of Wisdom. For the Harvest Gods and Goddesses. A time of reaping, not a time of sowing." He folded his arms across his chest.


    I sighed. "I''m sorry, Ray. I really didn''t think about that. Honestly, I''d been focused on trying to get my new Highest Priestess a solid start on, y''know, corralling my Worshippers from using me as an excuse to do shady shit, and that turned into kicking Aphrodite out of the Temple she''d screwed up so much, and one thing led to another, and... Uh... Saffron and I kinda got a little enthusiastic. Didn''t mean to ruin your special day. I''m sorry. I had a kind of favor to ask, but... I''ll figure something else out."


    Saffron Rae reached out and touched my arm. "No, Tabitha. Ask. Should it be too much, we will say so, but you''ve no need to be so harsh to yourself. You intended no harm. If anything, I''m thrilled that the Temple of Love will no longer be a brothel in all but name."


    "Uh... about that. There might still be some brothel adjacent activities going on."


    She chuckled. "If you mean sex, it would be unwise to assume the Temple of Love wouldn''t have at least a little of that."


    "Yeah, well. We might be, y''know, renting rooms to professional sex workers. Giving them a safe place to work. It''s a job, y''know? Not everybody has the time or resources or rizz to find and woo somebody, but everybody''s a little happier after they''ve had something to take the edge off."


    She just raised an eyebrow. "And that something must be sex?"


    I shook my head. "Oh, no! No, seriously, I''m thinking we''ll try some other stuff too. Maybe a restaurant? Also I kinda maybe want to have something for kids?" Her eyes got a little wide, and I said, "like, school. Teaching them how to read and write, maybe some daycare rooms? Shit, we could do daycare for parents whose kids are little enough they can''t get any alone time. Or maybe teach them, like, it''s okay to say no?"


    "Teach children... That it''s okay to say ''no''? Are... Do children in your experience have much problem saying that?"


    I shrugged. "You telling me there aren''t rich and powerful dudes who snag the cute ones before anybody else can, and then maybe try to get first crack when they''re way too young?" Her face was a thundercloud as I said, "I had friends who had that happen. They totally didn''t even realize what was happening was wrong. They thought the adults must be right because they were adults. Because kids don''t know unless somebody teaches them."


    She just nodded. "Yes. I see the Wisdom in that." She took a deep breath and blew it out of her nose. "Forgive me." She chuckled. "I''ve never actually been in the Temple of Love before. It is, perhaps, not a place I would have seen myself."


    "Would have?"


    She nodded. "Should you need someone to help with children, I would be honored should you think of me."


    I pulled her into a hug, because I totally caught that she hadn''t said she wanted to be asked, but she liked the ideas I''d just yanked out of my transverse colon. Meanwhile Raymond grumped. "Still not right."


    I rolled my eyes, stepped Saffron Rae and I behind him and swapped our places, then still using her face and voice said, "look, you really think the Temple of Wisdom could use some amorous activity on the altar, just let me know. I''m pretty sure we can get every possible point of contact you''ve got fully engaged at this point." I leaned into Saffron Rae''s ear, "as long as you''re okay with it?"


    She smirked at me as Raymond grumbled, "not going to be bribed."


    She stepped forward, a hand sliding up to his cheek, "oh, my Raymond, you most certainly will, and you know it. As soon as you''ve grumbled and grumped and gotten over being annoyed at our feast half going to waste, you''ll start wondering if she was serious, if the offer is still open." The look on his face was absolutely acknowledgement that she was right on all counts, but he was still annoyed.


    "Hey, you just let me know, Ray. You''re a good dude. In the meanwhile, did you guys have any food left? I could maybe try to deliver it down to Calverton or something personally?"


    She shook her head. "Thank you, but no. Anything remaining has been sent to the docks both here and in Camden Yards, handed out to those in need."


    "Cool. Um... is there a room I could store some books in?"


    Raymond shot a grumpy look at me, then said, "The grain silos in the basement. Well, the basement near them. It''s dry, they should be safe there."


    "Cool! Thanks!" I stepped up, gave them each a quick hug, then stepped back to the Temple of Love, where Karen was setting some planks to block access to the worst remaining dangerous areas of the Temple. "Hey Karen. Found a place to store them."


    "Where?"


    "Temple of Wisdom. Grain silo room."


    She looked a little taken aback. "Will they allow me in?"


    I snorted, tossed her two of the packs, picked up two myself, then hip checked both of us to the top of the steps into the Temple of Wisdom basement. "Like they''ve got a choice." I chuckled. "This is the dawn of a new era of cooperation between the Temples of Phileo! We gonna be one big happy family. Really."


    She blushed a little at me as I wandered down the steps, then paused. "Goddess? It''s not exactly dawn at the moment though." When I stopped and cocked my head, she asked, "Lights?"


    I chuckled, deliberately pitching some innuendo into my voice as I said, "but it''s fun in the dark sometimes." Then I Booned her with the whole wireframe vision thing.


    "Oh! Oh, is this... This isn''t... This is hers, isn''t it?"


    I nodded for her to join me, then waited until she caught up. "Karen, I am her. For all intents and purposes, she is me. All that shit you saw me do that made you say ''I want to be her Priestess''?" She nodded, and I said, "that''s all both of us."


    As we wandered through the dark looking for someplace that said, ''grain silos'', she asked, "So... why am I the Highest Priestess of Tabitha Diaz instead of... the other?"


    I smiled at her, overacting the expression so she could see it clearly in wireframe. "Because most people don''t know that yet. Hell, a lot of people don''t even realize whose Priestess Most High Above All Others Saffron is."


    Karen snerked. "That''s kind of a mouthful."


    "I was in a mood. Saffron and I had just gotten engaged."


    She tilted her head. "Oh? How long was your engagement?"


    I thought about it while we kept hunting for the dry spot. Kinda the opposite of my normal modus operandi, totally went against all my instincts, probably why it was taking so long. "About twenty minutes, I think? Oh, wait, no, I had to Heal Angel and Bill. So probably closer to thirty minutes."


    She laughed. "Somehow that seems very much you, Holiness."


    I snorted. "Keep calling me shit like ''Holiness'' I''m gonna find myself a pope hat or something, then make you wear it."


    "Please do not, Goddess. It would spoil the look of my dress."


    I tilted my head. "You like the Yandere Shobitch Wedding Gown?"


    She shrugged. "I have no idea what half of those words mean, but it is beautiful. The Sm... Conrad is an artist and craftsman without peer."


    "Oh, shit. Remind me when we''re done, I gotta go talk to him about designing the new Temple."


    It took us like an hour of hunting around to find the fuckin'' grain silos. Mostly because they were clearly labelled. With a sign, even. Painted on the wall. Which is nigh impossible to see in wireframe. When I finally caved and used a slow burn Fire Bolt to look around, not only did we see some Franklin Lights, but we also realized we''d walked right past the sign and the cleverly inset, perfectly flush door.


    I decided to get a good night''s sleep before dealing with Conrad.


    Honestly, I spent most of the following day first working on today''s verse, then hopping up to our new place with Saffron, Marie, and the Boys. Saffron cut big chunks of stone out of the walls of the valley, and the boys and Marie moved the biggest pieces over to where they joined part of the foundations of first our main house, then the courtyard. The little pieces came over to me, where I turned them into the first above ground layer of the hilltop tower. After a quick discussion with Saffron, I decided to forestall rewarding the boys today. They didn''t seem too put out. Not like they''ve got any lack of outlets.


    I did catch them staring when I was standing in my air shield sky box with my feet braced against opposite sides of the box. Co-Located down to take in the view my own self. I''m even less my type now than I was before, but I guess if you liked my general look, the pose was pretty suggestive. I''ve seen Marie do that same pose before, and yeah, it suggested several things to me at the time. Gave myself a bit of a laugh by laying my arms over their shoulders, saying, "nice view, huh?" Then watching as they tried to deny how long they''d been staring.


    But when we finished up for the day, well before sundown what with me having to go talk to Conrad, I managed to connive an extra bath out of Saffron. If you do something that''s normally messy, but you do it in a bath while you''re bathing, does that make you more or less messy?


    Clean and dressed in some comfy casual wear, I stepped into the Workshop. "Son?"


    He popped in behind me, and I almost kept from giving in to the jump scare. Almost. I honestly didn''t want to stop. I knew what I knew about him, and every time he got a jump scare out of me must have been like a cookie. So, y''know, absolutely my maternal duty to let him keep jump scaring me. Just a little. "Yes, Mother Dearest?"


    "How are you with architecture?"

 Day Four Hundred And Forty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    "Agency is not boundless,


    Your right to move your own fist,


    Ends at someone else''s nose."


    - Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Agency


    Yeah, that''s gonna be a bit of a balancing act. But then, that''s been my big hangup for most of my time in the here and now. I just want to play with my kid, fuck around with my partners, and maybe do something useful. Back where I''m from I thought maybe I''d be a writer, but with the lack of universal literacy and an economy that gives people reliably disposable income, that hasn''t really been an option. Okay, I dreamed about being a writer back then. I mostly thought I''d start out with ''you want fries with that'' and maybe, after a long, hard, completely non-illustrious career, wind up as a bank teller or some shit. That might have been one of the big subconscious drivers of why I jumped at the chance to be a Hero. Along with the whole ''power makes my nethers twitch'' part of things, the title itself didn''t miss me. The idea that dipshit useless me could wind up being a first responder that folks cheered when they saw me come on the scene was absolutely absurd, but still kinda hot.


    I still haven''t managed to get in just the right situation to drop the ''it''s fine! Why? I am here!'' line. Really hoping I can do that while Siobhan or maybe Maze and Menace are watching. Like, seriously, Marie is more badass than I am, and Saffron... shit, Saffron''s actually the full on real deal. She''s a legit Hero according to the world and everything that matters. At best I''m a Hero-in-waiting. Like yeah, I get it, I''m a Goddess. A Primordial even. Force of nature and all that good shit. But a lot of that has that grain of sand problem. Scaling Mimic''s power, my power, to something that has an effect on the world other than ''simulate carpet bombing'' is nigh impossible. So I''m gonna keep training, keep working, keep trying, keep my eyes open for times when I can make a difference.


    Something tells me I''m never gonna get that lofty title. Maybe it''s my ROTC training. ''Heroes are what happen when somebody fucks up''. I think the Principal back at Eastside would have pissed himself knowing our ROTC Sergeant said ''fuck'', but the idea made so much sense to those of us from Camden. On a day when everything goes right, nobody''s a hero. Everybody just does what they gotta do, gets whatever they need, everybody goes home safe. It''s boring, but it''s a kind of boring the past year has taught me to appreciate. Like, ''if some asshole deliberately disrupts my family''s boredom, I''m bringing several Cat Five tentacles down on them until they resemble scrapple'' appreciate. Heroes happen when something gets fucked up, and everything is going directly to hell in a hand basket, shit is burning, bleeding, falling, sinking, on and under fire. At that point, either everything turns to absolute shit for everybody, or some brave stupid motherfucker steps up and says ''fuck it, I got this''.


    I''ve got the stupid. I do, in fact, fuck my favorite mother on every occasion I can connive some privacy with her. I''m... not sure I''ve got the bravery. Hard to say whether I''ll be able to do whatever it is that scares me when I don''t even know what the fuck it is yet.


    But... I just wanna play with my kids, fuck around with my partners, and maybe leave the place a little better than it was when I got here. But shit keeps going sideways, and I wind up wrecking shit. At what point am I the solution, and at what point am I the problem? I really don''t know. I mean, shit, I think about it whenever I realize I''m doing some shit that will have an impact on anybody other than my own asshole after I''ve consumed my weight in five alarm chili. But that''s what I want people doing, I guess, not just making choices by flipping coins or following their gonads, but actually watching where they''re swinging.


    Also, it has not escaped my notice that I am, in fact, trying to leave the place a little better than it was when I got here by writing a book.


    So as the sun bid fuck you to the sky, my Son looked at me and raised an eyebrow. "Architecture?"


    I nodded. "Yeah, son. Like, buildings and shit. I know you know everything about Mana Shaping, and if you''re not the greatest Artist in the world I haven''t met them yet, and the shit you build is functional beyond any reasonable or even unreasonable expectation. But everything I''ve seen you make is, I dunno, on a personal scale. Tools and clothing."


    He smiled and raised an eyebrow. "Your darts? Your blades?"


    I smiled at him. "Beautiful and deadly tools of warfare."


    His smile got a little more mocking, but nothing outside of what I as a mom was prepared to tolerate from my favorite son. Which although I''d never say that shit, he absolutely was. The fact that his competition was an epic troll masquerading as a WMD had nothing to do with it. "Your room, and the furniture and toys that came with it?"


    I smiled at him. If he wanted to up the ante I''d play along. I definitely let some of the memories from last Saturday leak onto my face. Especially the perfectly fuzzy awesome ones from the end. "Perfectly crafted tools of wonderful intimate pleasure."


    I swear he beamed like a kindergartner seeing mom wearing the macaroni necklace he''d made to work. "Thank you, Mother! It is wonderful to have someone appreciate my art!" He looked a little sly before he asked, "tell me, the saddle?"


    "Perfectly. Crafted." My face heated a little. "Kinda like watching Marie and your Mom on that one more than holy shit I have got to tie Siobhan to that until I have to Revive her thrice."


    He laughed, and I surrendered the point to him, what with me utterly losing track of what I was saying midsentence. "So, Mother, architecture?"


    I nodded. "I''ve got a Temple now."


    He nodded back solemnly. "Several, from what I''m given to understand. All disguised in one way or another. Although Mom tells me she''s claimed your portion of the Temple of Wisdom?"


    "Uh... several? Oh, yeah, Temple of Wisdom. I snagged Loki''s portion the same day she claimed mine. Er, Mimic''s mine. Not Tabitha''s mine."


    His mouth pursed. "There is a meaningful difference?"


    I shrugged. "You know how you said ''disguised''?" He nodded. "The Temple of Love now belongs exclusively, for now, to Tabitha Diaz, Demigoddess of Children, Passion, Ecstasy, Bloodlust, Vengeance, and Justified Homicide, Patron Goddess of the Alliance."


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    Conrad heard all that and froze. The tiniest of cracks raced across the mask over his emotions that was his face before a single snerk slipped out of him. "Seriously?"


    "Yep."


    He barked out a laugh, then grabbed at my arms and danced me across the floor. What he surprisingly lacked in finesse he made up for in sheer manic energy and joy. I remembered just then what Loki had described when he went to ask The Smith about Mimic, and realized I was seeing the same thing now. Rolling on instinct, I went with it, smiling a mother''s warm, loving smile at her son''s rapturous joy as we pranced around his Workshop.


    After a moment, a minute, an hour, a day, we slowed to a giggling, smiling, still prancing stop. "I take it you want me to redecorate?"


    With a sheepish smile I said, "Uh... Mom and I kinda broke it."


    "Broke..." He paused, understanding flashing across his face. "The Temple of Love?"


    "Yeah. Karen''s got work crews clearing the rubble now."


    "Did Aphrodite displease you so?" He had a very ''Mother Tabitha might be getting Venus flavored Anal Beads for Yule'' look on his face right then, which not only skeeved me a little, but wasn''t what I wanted him focused on.


    I shook my head, shrugging and smiling. "Nah. I mean, she''s a bitch, but at this point not really worth your time." I stopped, gave him a serious look, and said, "I''ll let you know if that changes." He nodded, and I blushed a little again. "Yeah, Karen chased her off, and then there was a bed throne thing she was sitting on, and then Mom got really, uh... oh, she took me right there and by the time we were done so was the Temple."


    He snorted. "Are you telling me you and your beloved wife fornicated not only Aphrodite''s throne, but her entire Temple, to pieces?"


    "Oh, we fucked, son. Definitely ''fucked'', not ''fornicated''."


    His face showed that not only had I made my point, he agreed. "Fair. So you need me to design and construct a new Temple?"


    His voice had gotten a little iffy at ''construct'', so I explained, "Design, yeah. As for construct, I''m absolutely down for you doing as much as you feel the need to, but I was gonna have Karen supervise an actual construction crew. You design it and explain to her how it needs to go, she does all the field work." I looked around, nodding. "I know you''re not really fond of leaving your Workshop except on special occasions."


    He made a little throwing away gesture, as if whether that was true or not, it was unimportant. "If I am to do this thing for you, Mother... might I make a request?"


    I lay a hand on his cheek, and he pretended to lean into it. "Son, you know I''ll do my best to grant any reasonable request you make. Whether or not you''re feeling like doing me a new Temple."


    His eyes lit up a little at that. "As a favor, a test, a point of pride, could you and Mom do whatever you did upon Aphrodite''s throne, but upon the bed I crafted for you?"


    Seemed like this was ''Conrad makes Tabitha blush'' night. My face hot enough to light shit on fire, I nodded, "Yeah. Uh, yeah, we can do that?" Then I realized. "Oh, shit, you''re gonna make another one of those for the Temple, aren''t you?"


    He smiled serenely. "No, Mother. Of course not." I almost fell for it, almost relaxed. "This one will be much, much grander."


    Yeah, after he dropped that inevitable bombshell, Conrad and I reviewed my needs and nice to haves in my new Temple. Of course, he assured me that everything I''d asked for would be included in one fashion or another. A big public room that was less ''throne room'' and more ''public celebration room''. Private rooms. Semi-private rooms, because, like, I was pretty sure no matter what I tried to do the Temple of Love would wind up the Temple of Sex Work alongside everything else. If they were gonna be dropping their obols and Worship my way, the least I could do was make sure they had a nice place to do business, whether they were prostitutes, strippers, or the here and now version of porn stars.


    I did not need to know that some people did live action in-person ''vignettes'', but I suppose I need to thank Conrad at some point. Because now I knew that as Head Bitch In Charge of the Temple, I''d be expected to show up to premiers and shit like that. Some tiny disintegrating fragment of my neopuritan upbringing tried to think something cognitively similar to ''but I don''t like porn'', but I could not fucking bring myself to utter that bald faced an utter heap of steaming horseshit lie even inside the confines of my own brain. But watching it in public had always been the domain of really skeevy guys and Paul Reubens, so the thought that I''d be, like, the secondary focus of everybody watching was something I would definitely need to come to terms with.


    Because according to Conrad''s offhand comments as we discussed where to put the day care and the restaurant so both could remain ''family friendly'' while also letting people get their nom on while they took in the show, as not just a High Priestess, but the fucking Goddess in charge of the place, me not showing up to a premier could break somebody''s career, as could me acting like I didn''t enjoy it. Which, I''ll be clear, I''m not going to fake liking something that sucks, but, y''know, second chances. Maybe I''d see about some kind of broadsheet where I could do a little column critiquing things. Not, like, offering tips or anything, because I''m not stupid enough to think I''m a professional, but just putting in, ''oh, hey, really nice work on the... fuck, everything I can think of is something that shouldn''t really be right out there in public. Or maybe that''s just my repressed upbringing speaking? Nah, I don''t think ''rimjob'' ought to be something in something kids might read.


    Oh, hey, maybe some kind of simple star rating system, with a clear legend, like ''one star'' is ''dude, much love for trying, but seek another profession'', two is ''maybe not actively painful to watch, but clearly in need of more TLC before they go on stage again'', three would be ''does the job as intended, worth the time spent watching'', four is ''oh, kudos, well done, 8/10, will come again'', and five is ''yeah, do not come watch this without a change of panties and a towel to sit on''.


    Also, the weirdest fucking thing I have ever heard, even though it made complete sense when Conrad suggested it? I''d mentioned wanting classrooms. His first assumption was for adult education. Like, in every sense of that, like physical intimacy lessons for the nookie impaired. But I immediately realized that a classroom is a classroom is a classroom, and classrooms have a lot in common with the better class of intimate entertainment venue, so yeah, we''d need some really good janitors to clean up after the vignettes in the evenings so the kids could use the classrooms for learning shit in the mornings.


    Yeah, I''m gonna run this all past Saffron, because if any being in the universe could make ''so far beyond the fucked up event horizon that not even light can escape'' sound like a completely rational good idea it''s The fucking Weyland Smith of legend. But... that doesn''t make it not make sense.


    Stayed up way late talking with Conrad. Hell, wound up Co-Locating to morning bath time, because I wasn''t about to miss that family time for all the Temples in the fuckin'' world. Then the weirdest blessed thing happened. I''d vaguely intended to go hit Calverton or the Black Dragon today, but Saffron took one look at me, stepped us both to our Academy suite bedroom, tossed me on the bed and arranged me like a throw pillow, then laid her head and shoulders on me and started coding.


    "I''m..." I yawned hugely, because she was warm and purring and I''d just spent a night way longer than it should have been doing all kinds of shit I''m definitely not certified to do. "I''m gonna fall asleep like this, Kitten."


    I felt her smile, even without seeing or touching it. "That''s the point, Goof."


    I muttered out something stupid and incomprehensible. I think maybe, "but book the writing won''t do itself." Look, I was trying for a ''not gonna lick itself'' joke, but my brain had decided to fuck off to the Bahamas or some shit.


    "Get some rest, love. You''ve earned it."

 Day Four Hundred And Forty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    ¡°When you choose to harm others,


    You limit their Agency,


    You take away their choices.¡±


    - Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Agency


    I have no idea what prompted me to write a book of poetry. Seriously, I know I wanted to be a writer at one point, but like, I wish there was a way to give myself a ''WTF, Diaz?'' look. I''ve tried it in the mirror, but it just does not work. I dunno why. Maybe I knew what I was thinking when I did whatever made me want to WTF myself. Maybe the moment has passed, so I''m no longer feeling it? Maybe I just can''t get that exasperated with somebody else when I know, deep down, that I am in fact the source of most of the fucked up shit in my own general vicinity.


    But... poetry? Dude, poetry is like the ocelot of furries. The glitter of craft supplies. The skibidi of public toilets. Once you''ve indulged in poetry that shit never comes off. In order of quality of literature it goes Horror, Romance, Fantasy, Sci Fi, Historical Fiction, John Oliver, Non-Genre Fiction, Non-Fiction, Reference Books, Business Emails, Self-Help Books with useful advice, Cereal Box Nutrition Information, Wikipedia Articles, Unhelpful Self-Help Books made of quotes, Getting Punched in the Crotch by Alex Jones for Turning the Frogs Gay, John Oliver but Chinese, Saying You Write but Not Writing, Interpretive Dance, then Poetry.


    And yet somehow, for some reason, I''ve decided to write a book of poetry. Not just a book of poetry, but some kind of book of poetry about fuckin'' Agency and Consent and shit. I mean, yeah, Consent is important. Agency, if we''re talking about making your own decisions, equally so, but... who the fuck is going to read a book of fuckin'' poetry by me about that shit. Like, I''m not even a published author or celebrity or a Mother Fucking Author. That''s what MFA stands for, right? But I''m not one, so why would anybody buy a self help book from me, or a book of poetry, let alone something that''s both?


    At any rate, woke up high this morning. In case you wonder how I knew I wasn''t drunk, I didn''t have cotton mouth or a headache, and I was dizzy as fuck. Also, I was lying on some rubble in a part of town I didn''t recognize. Not someplace I''m likely to take a midafternoon nap when I''m straight and sober. Checked my clothes, found no vomit, which was cool, but also found no phone, no purse, no wallet, and an outfit I do not remember ever buying or stealing. Black slacks, black cowboy boots, white blouse with ruffles on the collar, and that''s it. The sound of people walking around shouting something in a language I didn''t recognize immediately set off all my alarm bells, so I scrambled to my feet, slouched a little, and picked a direction on the street to start walking, doing my best to blend in.


    For a second I thought I must be high on something way more potent than THC or CBD, because I swear some of the motherfuckers running my way were wearing, like, medieval armor or some shit like that. My head spun when they ran past, but when the whole group of them had run by and I turned to look, it was just some cops chasing a bunch of people. Not my lookout, even if the cops were in SWAT gear. I put my head down and kept walking, trying to figure out how to tell if somebody''d slipped me acid or something. I was also trying to figure out where the fuck I was. Not a single building nearby looked familiar. Hell, even the shape and width of the streets were wrong. Worse, whatever part of town, whatever fucking town I''d wound up in looked like someplace where their unfriendly neighbors had told the US that they had untapped oil reserves. Just, like, one building in three was nothing but a pile of rubble, and the ones that weren''t ranged between ones so beat up I thought I could knock them down with harsh language to new construction that had that really rapidly constructed look. Like it would take only slightly more effort to turn them into ex-construction.


    I had no idea where I was, why I was dressed like I was, or what the fuck had happened to me. As I walked, I tried to piece anything at all together. I remembered deciding to cut school. I stopped at a bodega to pick up some food, then walked downtown. I vaguely remembered sneaking into the Aquarium, then going to fuck around with the... octopi? My memories from there on got real fragmented. I remembered touching an octopus. I remembered falling in the water. I remembered... getting shot?


    The fuck? After a quick check I wasn''t bleeding, and other than a weird scar across my fingers and some itching on my neck and shoulder I couldn''t feel any kind of injuries. So I sure as fuck hadn''t been shot, unless it hit me somewhere under my clothes and it had been a long fuckin'' time since then, long enough for it to heal over and me not to feel it any more. Although... I did kind of ache. Like, fuckin'' everywhere. Like my skin was a size too small, and it stretched painfully whenever I moved. I clearly remembered touching an octopus, though. The feel of its skin against mine, the raw animal strength where it curled its tentacle around me and towed me along.


    Shit, I know some Octopi had neurotoxins. Maybe the one I''d been touching had something like that? Like, the one I normally fucked around with at the Aquarium didn''t have anything like that, but the world''s a big fuckin'' place, and the only places I''ve had to learn about it are Wikipedia and the Eastside Library. Maybe Mister Octopus had that good good goin'' on, and had whammied me with his natural LSD musk or some shit like that.


    I realized right then that it was oddly cool. Like, not normal New Jersey August heat. This felt cooler. Even cooler than new Jersey autumn. Maybe late autumn, like early December, but the weather didn''t seem right for that. As I pondered the fuckin'' weather like I knew jack shit about global weather conditions other than ''hot, cold, wet, dry'' in places that got filmed in a lot, I rounded a corner to see a massive swath of destruction leading down to a big body of water. I really didn''t want to think about the places in the world where there would be a huge chunk of the city just flattened and not have a single red cross van in sight. About the only thing that seemed even vaguely comforting about that was the fact that the sun was moving westward over my shoulder and that meant the water was to my east. None of the few people I''d seen clearing rubble and putting up new construction looked or sounded Asian or African, which meant I was somewhere in the Americas with a eastern shore. Probably.


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    Shore plus city meant resorts. Resorts meant people who wanted money, which meant people who spoke English. So I headed east. A couple times as I clambered over or around some rubble, my head got all woozy again, the whole world wobbling like jello. Every time was when I thought I''d seen some kind of body part in the rubble, but when I glanced again, it was a bit of a mannequin, or a scrap of clothing, or just a weird play of shadows. When I finally got to the shoreline I realized the water was some kind of bay, with land stretching out eastward both north and south of me. With the cool air, I decided to take the south side of the bay, just in case I wound up having to follow the coast or some other shit like that. South is warmer, which is where the better resorts were, right?


    As I walked, I kept seeing folks I almost recognized, then didn''t. Cops, but not in Camden uniforms. Some obvious gang members, but nobody in colors I recognized. Some soldiers. I didn''t recognize the uniform at all, other than being sort of generic green, but the dudes were all big as fuck and had the kind of military bearing that screamed ''soldier''. Like always, I kept my head down and kept walking. A couple times as I walked I thought I heard someone calling me, but when I looked around? Nada.


    I had to double back a couple times to find bridges over some rivers that branched out from the bay. As I walked along the edge of the bay, I saw a shit ton of small pleasure craft plying the water; some with sails, some in the distance too small to really tell, but a few of the closer ones had fuckin'' oars. I guess the dragon boat guys were out exercising or something. Before I got to the second bridge, I thought I saw something glinting out to sea, like a modern ship. I also thought I maybe saw a shoreline behind it, like maybe it was on the far side of a wider part of the bay rather than actually, y''know, out to sea.


    I decided at that point to get as close as I could to that. If I couldn''t find a resort, a cruise ship was a good second. Those things were notorious for catering to the wealthy, which again generally meant ''English speaking''. Hell, a ship might be better; a local resort might not have an interpreter, but a ship might need somebody to talk at an English speaking port. So I walked along the shore, the silhouette of the ship getting more and more familiar as I got closer.


    By evening I''d almost come to the conclusion that I was imagining things, but the light of the setting sun glinting off turrets showed me the impossible. Okay, what ought to be impossible. The four Iowa class were in Camden, LA, Norfolk, and Pearl Harbor. It sure as shit never got this cool in Hawaii or Cali, and I didn''t think Norfolk did either. Which would make the City behind me Philly, but some kind of fucked up post-nuclear devastation Philly. I just kinda sank until my ass touched the nearest hunk of rubble, staring. I stopped thinking about trying to look like I fit in, stopped trying to think about what drugs I''d been given. I just kind of huddled into myself, drawing my knees up and hugging them to my chest.


    "TABITHA!" My name, shouted by a voice I almost recognized, had me turning around to see three women running toward me. Two blondes, one stumbling along like she couldn''t run in heels, another fuckin'' WNBA tall chick loping toward me, and a curvy brunette I almost recognized, all three of them in fuckin'' evening gowns.


    When the brunette got close enough I recognized her, sorta. She''d been in one of my science classes; a second after I saw her I remembered her name. "Jazz?"


    She slid to a stop, confused as she stared at me. "Tabitha? But... why are you?" She reached for me, and I leaned backward, even though I felt like I ought to be leaning forward. I mean, seriously Jazz looked hot as fuck with the obvious boob job and the lingerie peeking out from under her dress, but she also looked more than a little panic stricken and grabby. "Tabitha? That is you, is it not, love?"


    I had no idea why, but at the same time my brain tried to run screaming from that ''love'', my guts froze me in place, twisting around themselves like they knew where they wanted to be and it was not leaning away from her. Shit, by that point I was scared and she was a friendly face, I could deal with the ''love'' part later. Maybe we''d gotten fucked up together at some point since the Aquarium and hooked up or something. I leaned forward, her arms went around me, and I was safe. I don''t know how I knew I was safe, but as the other two women put their arms around me, I knew that no matter what else happened, I was safe.


    A moment later I stumbled as I wasn''t sitting on a rock. I was sitting on the crosspiece of the mast of the New Jersey. Only one Iowa Class had that big old Sixty Two atop Turret Two. Jazz must have gotten herself tapped into the PA system, because her voice rang out over the whole fuckin'' ship. "ORLA! Captain''s quarters, NOW!"


    As my head spun, the world going all woobly, the big platinum blonde chick picked me up in one arm, picked the other blonde chick up in the other one, and jumped. Instead of the highly anticipated splattering across Turret Two I expected, we landed just outside one of the hatches. Before I could really orient myself, she pushed me in, ducked through the hatch herself, then half carried, half pushed me through another hatch to stand in a big cabin that had been decorated in cottage core kitsch. Like, big fluffy handmade pillows, quilts, and afghans all over the place. The big chick set me on the bed, headbutted me gently, murmuring something that sounded like, "Vlickies." that echoed through my head oddly, and then Jazz strode into the room leading another big woman in armor. This lady wasn''t anywhere near as tall as the blonde, but definitely had more weight on her. Like, Rhonda Rousey big and strong.


    Weirdest thing, she had a Magneto cosplay helmet under one arm. Like, not half bad, but not professional quality. Unpainted gray, almost like plain iron, although out to sea like this iron would have rusted.


    "Orla, your helmet?" Orla handed her cosplay helmet to Jazz, who brought it over to me. "Tabitha, I''m going to put this on you. Please hold still?"


    I shrugged. Weird ask, but like I said, Jazz and the blondes made me feel safe. She lowered it over my head, and I tried not to wince as the whole fuckin'' world wobbled and distorted as the thing settled around my brain meats. The moment the crown of it touched my head...


    "HOLY FUCKING SHIT BALLS WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK!"


    Saffron, Siobhan, and Marie all three sagged with relief. Meanwhile I tried not to lose my fucking shit as the last year of everything came crashing down over me. Or, I guess, whatever the fuck had been making me forget the past year collapsed and stopped its headfuckery.


    A moment later Saffron, then Siobhan, and finally Marie applied some much needed oral inspection of my general mouth region. When I finally came up for air, Saffron looked ready to tear some poor bastard''s toenails out through her nostrils. Still not quite trusting myself to stand up, I asked, "Kitten? What the fuck is going on?"


    "Fucking. Fae."

 Day Four Hundred And Forty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    ¡°You have a right to exist,


    So does everyone else,


    Use your Agency wisely.¡±


    - Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Agency


    Yeah, I don''t know if I''m really up to writing this shit. Okay, let''s be clear, I have all the paper and ink I could ask for, and my hands work and I can, in fact, if I had to, write or translate it into Standardized Celtic even, although I''m gonna ask my High Clergy to help me with that part. But I don''t know if my poor Goof brain is up to writing a Doctrine which is going to wind up affecting the cultural norms of a good chunk of the eastern seaboard of Atlantis eventually.


    Like, I''m the Patron Goddess of the Alliance. No matter which name you slap on me. Eventually that''s gonna come out, even if it stays a kind of ''open secret'' like the Greek names of the Greek Pantheon. Shit, I don''t even know some of the Reman names. Like, who the fuck was Persephone in Reme? But if the Clergy of Mimic doesn''t know my Secret Identity by now, if they can''t figure it out eventually maybe they''re not up to snuff in terms of perception or brain power. I mean, yeah, Blend does a lot of work, but my Clergy have to have at least a little bit of resistance to that, right? Maybe? If it''s something I''m no longer trying to hide from them?


    But one way or another this book that I''m writing is gonna wind up changing lives. Given the shit nature of here and now, I''m hoping for the better, what with the bar being so low. But that''s just it, I can''t know it''s going to be for the better. If it''s a question of competence, I''m sure whatever I write is eventually gonna wind up with some screwed up interpretation. Fuck, some of it won''t even be assholes twisting my words, just people who don''t know any better. So the best I can possibly do is try to clarify stuff as I go, maybe clean it up before I go public with it, and possibly put some self-corrective measures in there. Like lobster DNA. I remember my science teacher talking about how lobsters don''t die of ''old age'' the way humans do. Eventually they get too big to molt, but if somebody just, y''know, kept helping one molt? It''d keep getting bigger and bigger, so long as they kept anything else from killing it.


    Maybe I ought to try that. Get some Kraken to pick out a lobster and protect it, let it grow until it starts having a problem molting, then just... peel it every so often when it needs to molt. Give it a couple thousand years, and we''d have a lobster kaiju!


    Wait, shit, what if they''ve already done that?


    So anyway yesterday left me lying on my bed in the Black Dragon, wearing Orla''s anti mind control helmet and just generally not okay with the world.


    "I''m sorry, Marie. Even some of the Sidhe are... honorable." Marie snorted. "Yes, I know, that''s practically the defining characteristic of the Sidhe. They honor their word. But..."


    "Assholes." Marie definitely sounded like she knew of what she spoke. Then again, that was kind of the defining characteristic of Marie''s verbalizations. The times she said something and didn''t sound like she was declaring laws of physics were few, far between, and come to think of it usually had something to do with her emotional connections to Saffron and I.


    "Ladies?" The four of them all looked at me. "Do I need to wreck the living shit out of somebody right now, or are we good?"


    The others looked to Orla, who shrugged and said, "the Black Dragon is secure, and I doubt any Sidhe would come within a Crossbow shot of her, even if they were welcome aboard." When I raised an eyebrow, she explained, "too much iron, way too much Cold Iron."


    "So... what the fuck happened?" Saffron looked thunderous, and I waved to Orla, "you can go do ship stuff, or just go hit the sack if you need to."


    She nodded, saluted, and left, closing the door behind her. Definitely knew how to take a hint. Saffron took a deep breath, let it out, then said, "I don''t know."


    I held out my hands, and she first put her arms around me, then swiveled down into my lap. "So what do we know?"


    She shook her head. "Before that, can you tell me what you remember?"


    I thought about it. "It''s... fuzzy. I spent Thursday napping at the Academy suite, right?" At her nod, I followed that with, "I don''t really remember what I dreamed about then or Friday night. I''d guess something about Mimic, but nothing concrete, and that''s just me guessing. I... vaguely remember something about heading to Calverton, carrying a load of supplies direct from Lancaster House, then maybe just... going around lifting shit? S and R? I remember looking, I remember slicing a couple big bits of stone apart, I remember maybe lifting some shit. Then I woke up on a slab of rock in the middle of the City, and couldn''t remember anything prior to getting shot back in my old world."


    Siobhan sat down next to me, put her arms around me. "Poor Tabitha. That must have been awful."


    I put my arms around both of them, a soft smile slipping onto my face when Marie slid around behind us and wrapped herself around us, lying her head on top of mine. "Yeah. Very not fun. On top of being lost and alone in a strange fucked up City? I kept... hallucinating."


    "How do you mean?" Saffron''s question had a certain bite to it that let me know she wasn''t just trying to figure out my trauma. "Uh... the first thing I remember was seeing some folks running toward where I''d woken up. When they were running toward me, I saw... our troops, I guess. I wasn''t paying a lot of attention, because that''s how people notice you. But when I turned to make sure they hadn''t decided to come back at me, they were just some homies from the hood running away from a few cops in SWAT gear."


    "SWAT?"


    "Special Weapons And Tactics. Dudes who... shit, our Guards wear actual armor and shit. Okay, most police back where I''m from just wear uniforms." At her nod, I realized she might be thinking of stuff like our Academy uniforms, which I had come to realize were a lot more protective than I first thought. "Like, just cloth and shit. Some holsters for small weapons, and a badge, some communication gear, but not actual, like, combat gear. They''re meant to be able to stop a drunk guy or a dude with a knife, not an actual soldier."


    "And?"


    "SWAT guys were... cops who were pretty much soldiers. I mean, in places like Camden some of the cops were wearing body armor and had shotties and rifles in their cars, but SWAT guys were who the cops called in when they were outclassed."


    Saffron nodded. "So, Heroes?"


    I winced at the comparison. "Yeah, no. Really, no. I mean, I remember a couple shows painted them that way? But where I lived, if SWAT showed up everybody on the block was fucked, because if you hadn''t evacuated they assumed you were on the side of whatever coked up gangbangers they''d been called in to put in the ground." When she didn''t look like she quite understood, I tried again. "Look, if the guards called a Hero in and they found a building with a unit of Volunteers ready to throw down, what are they gonna do?"


    Saffron shrugged. "By the book? De-escalate. Find out why the Volunteers are ready to fight, who armed them, if need be disarm and disable them." She paused, then said, "I suppose some of them might not survive if they were Dragonslayers, had Crossbows, or both, or if the Hero wasn''t very powerful."


    "Yeah. SWAT guys? In the experience of anybody from the hood? Are gonna just kill everybody in the building, and if anybody in the buildings around there gets killed, it''s just unavoidable collateral."


    She frowned. "That''s... not right."


    I shrugged. "Not right or not, it''s what everybody expected if we saw SWAT and the folks they were called in for didn''t crawl out on their bellies like, immediately."


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    She shook her head. "At any rate, what you saw changed at that point?" I nodded. "What other ''hallucinations''?"


    I thought about it a second and said, "two kinds. First, people were, like, what I remembered from ho... Eastside. Just... normal humans in clothing like what I had when I got here. Shit, there were some big soldiers, I think I may have been looking at Trolls. But I didn''t see Trolls, I saw big guys in green outfits with a military bearing." When she nodded, I continued. "The other weird thing was that here and there shit... wobbled. Like a heat haze, or like reality wasn''t real stable. I kinda got the same thing happening when you put this," I rapped my knuckle against the helmet. "On me."


    Saffron nodded. "That sounds like the affects of Cold Iron on Fae illusions. You likely weren''t seeing anything as it was. But not a complete dreamscape, just a kind of visual... as you said, hallucination, making you think you''d returned to your world."


    I snorted. "Not my world. I''m from there, but I like this one more." I blinked everybody''s clothes onto the chair. "Because reasons."


    Siobhan, cool against my side, warmed just a bit. "Do you remember last night?"


    "Just kinda said I didn''t, Ice Pop."


    She pouted at me when I turned to look at her. "I worked so hard on that."


    "Oh, no, you get to do it again now that you''ve had some practice." She smiled at me and, if she rolled her eyes a little, nuzzled into my shoulder right after.


    Saffron turned me to face her with her fingers on my chin. "I heard what you said. Or, almost said. ''Home''." I opened my mouth to say something, I''m not sure what, but her fingers slipped up in front of my mouth. "No, Tabitha. I''m not upset. Not at you, in any way. I''m worried that whatever Spell or Curse or Geas was placed on you hasn''t been removed, just suppressed."


    "Shit." I took a deep breath. "No time like the present to find out." I lifted the Cold Iron helmet off my...


    Fuck on a stick Jazz had herself a fuckin'' rack to die for, and some part of me hoped I wasn''t gonna get smacked for the words already slipping out my lips. "Gyatt! Where were you hiding those puppies, Jazz? I mean, uh... not that you''re hiding them now. Or..." I looked down to where she was very, very naked on my equally naked lap, and seemed entirely unconcerned with the thin, pale arm trying to sneak across my belly toward my cooch.


    I turned to see the smaller blonde from earlier grinning impishly up at me. "Just seeing to my duties?" she said before turning to kiss my shoulder.


    "Holy shit. Wow. I think maybe my mollies wore off or some shit like that? But... holy fuck..." I realized right then that whatever I''d taken for them to get me into this situation, I was absolutely willing to be the meat in this sandwich. "You guys... uh... wanna...?"


    Somebody, by the squishy breasts against my shoulders probably the WNBA blonde from earlier, pressed herself against my back and pushed my hands down. Fuck it, if they wanted me in the cosplay helmet, I''d be their Magneto any...


    "Holy fuck that is weird."


    Saffron sighed. "I''m... afraid we''ll need you to stay here while we figure out how to remove whatever magics the Fae have placed on you."


    "Why? I mean, I get I have to keep the helmet on, but it''s not like wearing a funny looking hat is the weirdest thing I''ve done."


    Saffron''s frown melted into an affectionate smile. "And how will you get anywhere, Goof?"


    "I''ll just Trans... oh, that would not be good. Fuckin'' Viserys ending for me if I do that." I put my hands to either side of my head and mimed exploding.


    "I''m afraid so."


    "So what, I''m stuck here on the Black Dragon until you figure it out?"


    She frowned at me. "Unless you trust us enough to carry you from place to place, even while under the effects of your Geas?"


    "I trusted you enough to let you bring me here."


    Saffron sighed, then said, "that''s true, but I''m worried about you leaving." When I did a little head tilt, she nodded and said, "you''ve practiced Translocation until I''m certain you could do it in your sleep. You might do so instinctively."


    "Not from here." Her jaw dropped, like she hadn''t thought of that. "So." I took a deep breath. "I feel safe with you guys. Like... really safe. When that Geas is on me. So I''m not likely to rabbit. But right here? While it''s safe? Convince me I don''t want to leave?"


    "How do you expect us..."


    Siobhan interrupted Saffron, "I know!" Then she pulled me back onto the bed, rolling onto me as she did. Halfway there, Orla''s helmet slipped...


    ..."Oh, hey, you''re really friendly aren''t yoummphh." The blonde chick decided to taste test my tonsils, and honestly? She wasn''t half bad at it. I''d say it ground my gears, but they were way too greased to grind.


    From behind her I heard Jazz say, "I do suppose that would convince our Goof not to run off."


    When my mouth became available for comment, I blurted out, "uh... our?"


    While the smaller blonde propped herself up and hefted one of my knees over her shoulder, the big one lifted my left hand, long fingernails poking at a pair of rings on my finger. "Mine." She nodded to Jazz, who knelt behind the blonde with her chin propped over the blonde''s bruised shoulder. "Hers."


    I nodded to the smaller blonde. "Uh, and who is she then?"


    Jazz said, "this is Siobhan. Your newest partner."


    "Mine?"


    "Ours." the big blonde declared.


    The little one... Siobhan put on a serious face that barely hid her grin and said, "as such it''s my solemn duty to make sure none of you have any urges going unfulfilled."


    Look, I''m only human. Three hotties clearly all about seeing how often they could ding my bell is not something I could resist. I''d messed around with girls before, but holy fuck sticks I didn''t even know that scissor shit worked like that. It did. Work. Holy fuck did it ever. I guess the others decided I was the party favor of the day, because after Siobhan, Jazz took a turn, then turned to the big one. "Marie? I think she needs sleep. Could you?"


    Marie grinned, her teeth like, professional capped white and big, and then proceeded to show me that she was, in fact, a mistress of all things scissor related until my brain gave up the whole ''consciousness'' thing as stupid.


    Weirdest fucking dream I ever had. I lounged around nomming snacks shaped like the women I''d been banging . Jazz... Jazz? Jazz shaped soup dumplings, Marie shaped pasta, and finally Siobhan shaped Ice Pops for dessert. She crunched when my maw closed around her, shattering into a million tiny slushie pieces, like the perfect melding of a popsicle and a slushie. I think I might have definitely had more Siobhan slushies than the other two put together, and I really hoped they didn''t feel some kinda way about that.


    Woke up with the three of them snuggled all around me, light leaking in through the mostly covered windows. Weirdest thing, they''d shut the lights out, but I could still see the shadowed corners of the room, fine white lines picking details out of the darkness. The moment I stirred to check out the other corners, Marie said, "Morning."


    Jazz started licking at my underboob while Siobhan blinked, sat up, looked around, and then stretched. "Good morning, Tabitha."


    "Morning, Siobhan. Sleep well?"


    She finished her stretch, which shifted a couple small scabs on her bruised shoulder, then turned to smile down at me. "Absolutely. I''m not nearly as athletic as you three. That much exercise and I sleep very well."


    I snorted. "Me? Athletic? Are we talking about the same me?"


    Siobhan took one of my hands and, with a sad smile, lay it on my own belly. Where I could not help but notice a set of washboard abs. I sat up, kind of disturbing Jazz'' taste testing me, but couldn''t get a good view of them past my own tits. Which were pale enough that I must have been indoors for, like, years. I realized right then that wherever I was and whatever had happened, I had more than a little bit of time missing. As Siobhan leaned into me and Jazz did the same from the other side, I realized that I really wanted those memories back, because these three women clearly had it bad for me, and by my own complete lack of worry, I reciprocated.


    "Still." said Marie from behind me, and I surprised myself by instinctively going completely motionless while she lowered that Magneto cosplay helm...


    I snuggled Saffron and Siobhan to me and leaned back into Marie. The three of us purred our contentment, giggling to a stop when Siobhan eventually pouted, "not fair. I want to do that too."


    I took her by the back of the neck and pulled her around to look deep into her eyes, then singsonged, "somebody needs to shapeshift."


    She blinked, gaping at us while we giggled more. Eventually she crossed her arms and huffed. "Well now I don''t want to."


    I bunted her chin with my forehead, enjoying the view as I said, "in your own time, when you''re ready."


    Saffron blew out a lungful of air and said, "sadly, speaking of time, we need to be about our duties." With an amused, affectionate, faux authoritative look at Siobhan, she said, "our normal daytime duties."


    Siobhan pouted for a second, the expression clearly fake, then said, "I can do both!" as she Co-Located next to herself. Then she groaned and collapsed back into herself, clutching at her head.


    "Yeah, two of you in one spot. Not pleasant."


    "How do you manage it?"


    I popped a Heal into her head, followed by a Smite just in case. She smiled at me as I said, "you get used to it. I''d put it as maybe a three on the annoyance scale."


    "Three. Out of?"


    "Oh. Ten. Ten is dying hard. Nine is dying quick, or maybe a thousand of me in one spot. Eight is, like, painful mortal wound shit, like losing a limb or most of the skin on it. Seven..." I petered off as tears leaked from Siobhan''s eyes. I pulled her to me. "Oh. Oh, Ice Pop, please don''t cry. Please."


    She snuffled into my chest. "I... It wouldn''t be so bad except that I know you''re speaking... speaking from experience." She sobbed gently into my chest, and I just sat there holding her for a while.


    "Siobhan''s misadventure aside, we''ll certainly all stay here with you as well, love." Aided by Marie, she gently pushed me back to the bed. "While you rest. We all had a harrowing day yesterday, so today please, rest while we just... lie here and remind ourselves that you are, in fact, here and safe in our arms."


    I closed my eyes, my head cushioned on Marie''s thigh, wrapped around Siobhan while Saffron wrapped herself around me. "That sounds really... really..."


    Even with the chunky helmet on my head, I fell asleep before I could finish the sentence.

 Day Four Hundred And Forty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    ¡°Your intent matters to me,


    It should matter to you too,


    Why you choose is important.¡±


    - Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Agency


    Yeah, I''m not sure how else to express this one. Unintended consequences are a bitch, and you gotta deal with them whether you meant it or not, but you can''t lock yourself in a closet and do nothing ever either. I mean, okay, if that''s what you want, sure. But if somebody''s kid is kidnapped and they cut their way through to get them out I''d be a complete hypocrite to say they were doing something wrong. Maybe they need to get good enough to keep the collateral to a minimum. Because ''acceptable collateral damage'' is fuckin'' anathema to me, but ''collateral damage'' is just shit that happens. You fix the problem, then you go back and fix the damage you did fixing the problem.


    Like, I''m pretty sure Saffron''s gonna have to train some ex-Thralls to do maintenance on the Black Dragon''s turrets now, even though they''re more or less stationary until we get the diesel engine running at a minimum. Or at least one of the big boilers. Which we can''t do until she''s got people trained to maintain them, since apparently that''s an endless fight to keep them from rusting into so much useless slag. Kinda nice thing, though, we''ve already got some Calverton Soldiers trained in part of it, so we can maybe get them working on maintaining their weapons. Greasing gears and checking cables and shit isn''t the same as sharpening swords, but it''s still maintenance, and there''s got to be a certain satisfaction, especially for a common Soldier in a world where Heroes and Mages and shit are tromping all over the battlefield, to have your weapon of choice be sixteen hundred pounds of over the horizon fuck you. I swear, the first time some bitch throws a fireball at the Black Dragon and my boys respond by shrugging it off, screaming ''catch'', and flinging a sixteen inch shell at some poor wannabe wizard, I''m gonna laugh my ass off. Possibly while posing suggestively atop the guns.


    But I digress. No, really, it''s gone beyond ''bad habit'' into ''state of being'', I''m more digression than dumbass by this point. Shit, I pretty much weaponized that against Calverton, embodying Sun Tzu''s ''formless as water'' by just... adding shit to my plan, putting people in charge of that bit, then mostly forgetting about it until the time came to throw it all together. I mean, I guess I got lucky in that with the exception of some over eager types at the bridges trying to push forward into our own artillery barrage, everybody followed orders and did their part. Of course, there at the end I think I also kinda embodied my point above. I went to save my kid, and fucked up Artemis. Several dominoes down the row, I threatened Artemis with death if she killed somebody saving a kid, and I did that to make another kid feel... I dunno... like somebody took the loss of her mom and dad seriously. I mean, shit, I beat myself to death for that too, so I don''t think I went too far. But when Artemis did exactly that, killed somebody to save a bunch of kids, I had to follow through. I don''t even know if it was me being a woman of my word, the whole ''Gods can''t lie because their power makes it true'' thing, or some combination thereof, but I killed her. Hard.


    But I went into it with the intent to Revive her. To Revive her after putting her through so much agony that she could set her own past aside and be something better. At least I tell myself that, and I don''t think I''m lying. Because intent matters. She didn''t kill the Master Bitch because she was angry, or because Master Bitch had ''blasphemed'' or insulted her or anything. All that might have been true, yeah, but she killed her because aforementioned Master Bitch had a weapon to the bodies and Souls of a bunch of kids, and the only way to stop that was to take the hit and then take her down so hard and fast her Soul was left standing there gaping at how her body was now so much tartare.


    Slept through most of yesterday. Saffron had a bunch of shit to do with the Alliance now that we didn''t need the entire Army in Calverton. Fuck, we didn''t even really need it active. So before the weather got too ugly, our ships were busy shuttling troops home. Not all of them by any means; Calverton still needed a shit ton of work done. But we didn''t need all our troops active, in Calverton, and sitting on their thumbs.


    Siobhan had a whole new Class of Cadets to see to, and a big one at that, what with us now having six Cities worth of would be Heroes funneled through one functional Academy. Along with the lack of Heroes in New Amsterdam and Newark, apparently their Academy hadn''t been anything near as effective as Phileo''s. So for the time being, everybody was attending Phileo City Heroic Academy while New Amsterdam got their shit sorted and the other four Cities built their own Academies. Turns out that''s part of what Camden Yards had going on in the empty lot next to Drivers. They''d decided that since Mrs. Driver was their Grand Council Rep, and it looked more and more like Bill would wind up their Mayor, them donating the real estate for the new City buildings just made sense. It seemed a little weird to me, but everybody there seemed to agree. I''d have to ask Bonnie and Raven about it later, maybe Saffron as well, although if she saw something super wrong with it, I guess she''d put her foot down. Maybe. She maybe had a little bit of maternal hero worship going on with Mrs. Driver, which I completely understood. The woman was an adorable force of nature, and I say that from the perspective of a terrifying force of nature with a kid who was herself both terrifying, adorable, and a force of nature.


    You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.


    Interesting thing; I''d missed out on stuff like physicals, because Siobhan did them while I was unconscious after showing up, and shit was all kinds of fucked up because of the missing staff that Season. But this Season they had everything as back to normal as it could get, other than the apparently full Class size, boosted above the normal cap since, y''know, Six Cities in one Academy.


    Short version, both of them collapsed back into themselves exhausted at the end of the day. Part of me wanted to head back to Lancaster House, but Saffron shut that down fast and hard, simply saying, "we have no idea how you''d react to the children while under your Geas."


    "Am I stuck on the Black Dragon until you get this shit removed then?" When I realized how that sounded, especially with her and Siobhan both looking kinda beat up, and also realizing they were both currently helping the kids get ready for bed, Siobhan standing in for me. Sorta literally I realized when I looked through her eyes. "Not that I mind the break. I miss the kids, but I don''t want to fuck them up and raise their inevitable therapy bills by not recognizing them or some shit."


    Saffron just snuggled up to me, pulling Siobhan into my arms with her. "No, love. I''m having Cold Iron accessories made for you and delivered to each of the places we might need you. Including Lancaster House."


    I nuzzled into her hair. "Thanks, Kitten. I really miss them."


    "I know. Although we won''t be going there first."


    "No?"


    She shook her head. "Academy first. We''ll be testing to make sure what I''m having made works as well as..." She rapped a knuckle on my big ugly helmet.


    They all stayed with me overnight. I definitely had to get back to Lancaster House, just to make sure the kids knew we weren''t abandoning them at night or anything else sus like that. Fuck, with the exception of the day we''d had Karen babysit, we''d never even really left them without at least one of us at all times. Which... they still had Marie with them, I guess, but I kinda desperately wanted to be there with her.


    Mimic dreamt of High Priestess noms. Siobhan was disturbingly tasty, and her mouth feel had to be felt to be believed.


    Spent today lounging around in bed in the Captain''s Cabin of the Black Dragon. Okay, some of it I meandered around the cabin a little, looking out the windows and washing up in the bathroom. Which still required judicious use of Create Water, but the ''get rid of stuff'' plumbing seemed to be normal gravity feed plumbing, so I could do the whore''s bath thing at least. Had a little fun bringing Siobhan into the bathroom and sponging her down, then doing the same with Saffron. There''s just something heartwarmingly intimate about washing someone else. Yeah, I do it on the regular with Saffron in the tub in the morning, but there''s usually a sense of hurry with that. She''s got a country to run, and I''ve got...


    Well, shit, I don''t have jack shit that I''m required to do at this point. The whole ''Hero In Waiting'' thing means I''m not required to sign up for classes, I don''t think. I guess if I hung around the Academy the Headmaster might pull me in to teach something, like maybe another Combat Training course, or maybe Physical Training. The part of me that''s enjoying writing up my Doctrine wants to put together some kind of academic ''shit wrecking one oh one'', maybe try to write out some of what I do instinctively, maybe get some of the up and comings trained in how to spot and exploit enemy weaknesses. Because, y''know, that''s what I do. I don''t know exactly how I do it, because I don''t think about it, but that''s what I do.


    But I took my time with each of them. Both of them were Co-Located, doing their jobs, so we couldn''t really have any kind of in depth conversation, but I didn''t need that. I needed to touch them, to care for them, to maybe pamper them a little. With nothing pressing, I took my time doing so. Lemme tell ya, it''s an entirely different experience just... exploring somebody without intent. Or maybe with deferred intent? Like, the only intent I had then was just getting them clean, making them feel clean and pampered and cared for.


    Once I had them both clean and bundled back in bed I had Marie hop back to Lancaster House for the combs, and spent a couple hours with Saffron pillowing her head on one thigh, Siobhan on the other, and Marie in front of me getting combed. Had to straddle the foot of the bed to pull that off, but screw it, apparently duBois flexibility training has non-combat, non-sex uses too.


    Think I bent the bedframe a little when, not long before sundown, Marie decided to express her gratitude in the most Marie way possible. Didn''t disturb either of my lovely ladies enough for them to complain about it though.


    Giggle, yes. Complain, no.

 Day Four Hundred And Forty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    ¡°Results always matter too,


    Don''t get it twisted around,


    Still have to clean up your mess.¡±


    - Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Agency


    Intent matters. If you''re stealing food to keep your family from starving, that''s a whole different thing to stealing somebody''s house so you can buy a bigger yacht to nest your smaller nesting yacht in. But just because you had good intentions it doesn''t erase the consequences of your actions. I still gotta help rebuild Calverton. I still gotta keep New Amsterdam safe while they train up a new generation of Heroes. I know I''m still talking about Agency here, but eventually it''s all gotta tie together, or it''s all gonna fall apart. So just laying this shit out there so when I talk about ''Vengeance'' and ''Justified Homicide'', people reading this stream of consciousness poetry bullshit will be able to look back here and say ''oh, I get it, Vengeance and Homicide is Justified when some asshole is taking away the Agency of others to satiate their own greed, not when some poor slob snags an extra loaf of bread when he hasn''t eaten for weeks''.


    Yeah, I get it, no matter what people are gonna be dicks. There are always gonna be people who are trying to twist the letter of the law to their own benefit. Some of them will just be trying to get a head start or a leg up or some shit, while for others the cruelty and harm to others will be the entirety of the goddamned point. The former deserve some side eye, maybe a slap on the wrist, maybe some community service if they wind up hurting somebody. The latter need to have their attitude repeatedly adjusted until they realize that society will not allow that shit. Or, y''know, the Doctrine of Tabitha doesn''t allow that shit, and my faithful will stand ready to turn them into popcorn asshole to feed the poor they''ve been starving if that''s what it takes to get them to stop.


    I mean, I really don''t approve of cannibalism. Not even ''eat the rich''. It''s not fuckin'' healthy, all kinds of nasty illnesses start up that way. If somebody''s that much of an asshole that they really deserve removal from the Mortal Realm, just kill ''em, burn the body, and use the ashes as fertilizer or something. Or if you have the time and energy to spare, do like my Kitten do and lock them in to power the ''correct all the shit I did while being my most asshole self'' machine. But do not actually consume the flesh of your enemies, that''s unhygenic.


    The more I think about it, the more I''m glad I''m not in any way in charge of making up actual laws. Fuck, I gotta be sure my Kitten understands the whole ''separation of church and state'' thing. Like, me tryna get people to behave better because they choose to follow me and I''m taking the opportunity to play life coach, sure, that''s cool and all, but my Doctrine is for people willingly choosing to treat me as some kind of Moral Compass. It is sure as fuck not comprehensive nor clear enough to act as the law of the land in an area as big and cosmopolitan as the Alliance.


    Speaking of the Law of the Land in the Alliance, as Marie finished up her very pointed thank you for hours of combing and brushing, Saffron rolled her shoulders and yawned. "Goof, did you have any idea that your sudden and complete victory in Calverton would wind up producing this much work for me?"


    I shrugged. "I mean, if I''d thought about it, I could have maybe predicted it, but... not really?"


    She rooched herself around until she lay face down, her forehead propped up by my thigh, her arms folded beneath her face. "Ugh. I wish I could say something like ''this is all your fault then'', but honestly if you could have predicted it, I certainly should have. How did you ever manage to coordinate that many troops for that long?"


    "I dunno. Mostly I just gave them general directions and let them sort it out. Swanson organized shit, Hargreaves turned my directions into actual battlefield orders, Svart made sure people had what they needed. Olga kept everybody in line and led them in the field when needed." I stroked her hair as I explained my complete lack of organizational skills.


    She growled, turned her head to throw me all the side eye, and said, "are you telling me that you, the Goofiest of Goofs, have better delegation skills than mmmphhh..." That last wasn''t so much what she wanted to say, but the only noise she could make when Marie tipped her head back and engaged in some tongue-on-tongue warfare.


    Kinda fun watching them go at it with my thigh as their nominal battleground. I mean, other than each other''s mouths. I felt a little bad about not being able to stroke Marie''s hair, but I had one hand still running along Saffron''s hair and the other doing the same to Siobhan. After a minute or two where Saffron''s growl slowly subsided to a hungry kind of purr, Marie let her go and said, "Better."


    Saffron smiled and looked up at me. "Lie down and lie back, Goof. I''m in the mood for pie."


    I smiled down at her, but jerked my head. "Sorry, Kitten. Siobhan''s still using my head as a pillow."


    She pouted for just a second before the expression melted into one of concern. "Siobhan? Is everything all right?"


    Siobhan blinked and looked at us, then sighed. "Nothing is wrong, if that''s what you''re asking. Simply the largest Class of Cadets we''ve had since I took up my post. All day I''ve done nothing but Assessing the Health of our would be Heroes. Until you called for me, I''d been documenting my Assessments."


    I cupped her cheek in my hand. "Is there anything we could help with?"


    She brightened for a moment, then sagged and shook her head. "I''m afraid not. I know you can Assess, but most of what I''m recording aren''t oddities. Nothing that Saffron''s Assess calls out. Which means I do need to expend just the tiniest additional effort on each Assessment."


    Saffron pushed herself up and moved around behind me to snuggle against Siobhan. "I''m so sorry, Siobhan. I didn''t think of that."


    Siobhan shook her head again. "You couldn''t have known, Archmage." She went quiet for a moment, then sobbed out. "I''m sorry."


    I turned so I could let both of them lay their head on my lap. "Why?"


    "My duty to you a..."


    I lay my fingers across her lips. "No. Never apologize for that, Ice Pop. You want to play at things being a ''duty'' and getting it on with each of us every night because this is all new and fun and you want to grab this part of life and suck it dry as much as we''ll let you? We''re here for you. We love you. But you wanna know the only ''duty'' I care about?" She sniffled a little and looked up at me, nodding. "Be honest with us. Be as open as you can be. Tell us when you''re too tired to be our cool little Ice Pop. Tell us when you''re too tired to even play pillow princess for the night. Tell us when you need help doing paperwork, even if all we can do is hold your hand and tell you how proud we are of you. Tell us when you need us." My shoulders sagged as the weight of my stupid Cold Iron hat shifted. "Shit, I can''t even carry papers for you or something, what with being stuck here."


    Midway through my little mini-lecture, Siobhan had mushed herself in between Saffron and I, and we absolutely let her shove her face in and sob. Mostly with relief, I think. But also with the kind of release of stress that only somebody who''d had to shove themselves above and beyond for longer than they could possibly take it would understand. At that point it didn''t matter that I''d had that kind of reaction after Curing New Amsterdam and she had it after a couple sixteen hour days of Shaping and paperwork. Too far is too far, and sometimes you just need to let go. As she went still she pushed back and said, "I... I could use something to..." Then she smiled, her shoulders curling in a happy little hunch as she finally smiled. "I would recognize the sound of that cart anywhere, Marie."


    When I heard that I reached over and pulled Marie to me, whispering, "thanks, Mittens," into her hair.


    "De nada." she whispered back.


    At that point Saffron rolled Siobhan over to lie on top of her, bracing herself up to look down from only inches away. "Siobhan?"


    "Yes, Imperator?"


    "You''re done working for the night. One of you in the Infirmary until Marie is done feeding you."


    Siobhan looked up, forlorn. "I have to leave?"


    Saffron flicked her nose. "No, silly woman. You need to rest, and holding yourself here and there is not restful, no matter how comforting we both find keeping one of us near Tabitha, especially with this Geas or Glamour or whatever has been thrown on her. So you will catch your breath while Marie feeds you, and then..."


    Siobhan blinked. "And then?"


    Saffron leaned down, brushing her lips across Siobhan''s. If you''re very, very good, and I think you''re physically able, we''ll all conspire to steal it away again.


    Siobhan disappeared a moment later, I assumed collapsing into her self in the Infirmary, but we all heard her thinking, dear sweet Marie, I am yours to do with as you will.


    With that Saffron rolled over to lay on her back, her head pillowed on my lap. "As much as I''d like to take advantage of our lovely Junior Concubine''s absence to have my way with you, I need to speak with you regarding your condition while I''m in any mental condition to do so."


    Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site.


    I sighed. "Yeah. I get it. Any news? Any idea what''s up inside my head?"


    She shook her head. "No more than before, although I''ve ruled some things out." I nodded, and she said, "this is not the work of a Deity, nor that of any lesser Fae. It''s possible that this was done by a Mage from the Mortal Realms attempting to implicate the Fae, but... I doubt it."


    "Any way to check?"


    She started to shake her head, then stopped. "Just a moment." A minute later I felt her collapse into herself, and my leather Dragonslayer helm hung loose around her head. "Here," she said, pulling it off and handing it to me. "If this impedes the magic obscuring your memory, it''s Mortal magic. If not, it''s almost certainly Fae."


    I paused with my Dragonslayer cap in my hand. "Before I do... I think I''m remembering stuff while I''m like that. Like, not remembering anything from before I was whammied, but... if I remember Marie''s name, I''m pretty sure I''m adding stuff to what I know like that."


    "That''s... good to know. It will certainly make interacting with you easier. Even if you do insist on calling me ''Jazz''?"


    I smiled at her. "You do remind me a little of a girl I knew in school. You even look a little like her around the eyes, maybe?"


    She mock frowned at me. "Just so long as you don''t forget me when the Spell is lifted."


    I pulled her to me. "I don''t forget you even then. I may not know your name, or anything about you, but one thing I do know? When you''re here, like this? I''m safe."


    She smiled. "So. Is there anything you think I should avoid speaking with you about then? Or anything I should tell you?"


    I thought about it for half a second, then said, "Definitely tell me about us being married. Tell me about the kids; I might not be totally copacetic, but I''d rather fuck myself up than hurt them. The, uh, yeah, probably good to let me know about the whole religion thing too."


    "Anything to avoid?"


    I barked out something resembling a laugh. "Yeah. Anything about religion or commitment or responsibilities."


    She laughed. "So my Goof. Are you ready?"


    "Yeah." I reached up, slipped my helmet...


    Jazz looked up at me from where she had her head pillowed on my thigh. "Tabitha?"


    "Yeah. Um... Look, I''m not entirely stupid. Is there a reason you look so comfy there on my lap? Is there a reason I get warm fuzzies with you there, or why I feel so fuckin'' secure with Marie snuggling up behind me?"


    Jazz nodded, her face solemn. "Yes. May I ask why you''re asking?"


    I tensed a little, but managed to force out. "I''m... really enjoying it, but I''m not sure I am who you think I am."


    She smiled, "so you wish to stop deceiving us?"


    I sighed, slumping. "Yeah. I... No. I don''t want to. I think I should. You''re both sweet... all three sweet, and the sex is awesomesauce dipped in happy brain chemicals, and holy fuck do I want to be the person you''re all so obviously in love with, but... I just met you all a couple days ago. Well, from inside my head. I am missing some time, aren''t I?"


    She smiled up at me. "You... yes, you are. Unless I miss my guess, roughly a year."


    I looked around the cabin. I didn''t recognize this one in particular, but it still felt like the New Jersey, so I guessed they hadn''t moved me around while I was out. "That''s... a lot of changes in a year."


    "More than you know, love. More than I think you''re capable of knowing at the moment." She reached up, lay feather light fingertips on my temple. "Someone... we''re not sure who... attacked your mind. Stole away your memories. Or, more accurately, suppressed them."


    I... "Fuck."


    "Later."


    I couldn''t help it, that got me. I laughed until I sobbed just a little, then said, "who are you to me then?"


    She smiled. "I''m your wife. Saffron." I raised an eyebrow. "Not your friend Jazz, although you''ve told me I look like her. We were married a little over a year ago."


    "Fuck. I''m... I''m married? And I fuckin'' missed it?"


    She giggled up at me. "It was a small, private ceremony. The two of us, two of our friends as witnesses. Siobhan, because we held the ceremony in her Infirmary. My grandmother." She paused, and I braced myself, because I could tell she was about to drop a fuckin'' bombshell on me. "Our daughter, Isnomi."


    I froze. Daughter. Mine. I had a daughter. We had a daughter. The idea of me having a wife was, I guess, weird, because while I''d messed around with women before, and been shown very explicitly that the women I''d been rooming with for the past couple days were the purveyors of some of the best orgasms I''d ever had, I never really thought about getting married, let alone marrying a woman, but I knew me. Your girl Tabitha is very capable of being led around by her cooch, and if Ja... Saffron hooked a finger inside and pulled, I''m pretty sure I came to the altar without hesitation. But...


    Daughter. "We''ve got a daughter?"


    Right then Marie, who''d been silently supporting me as I leaned against her, intoned, "Six."


    Glad I was sitting down just then. Really glad she''d curled up behind me, supporting me. Equally glad she was big enough to absorb me collapsing backwards into her. "Six? I''ve got six kids?" We''ve got six kids? How the fuck do we have six kids? How did we get six kids in a year?" Sudden horror gripped me. "Shit, was I pregnant? Did I forget being pregnant and giving birth?" I paused. "Okay, from what I''ve heard I''m probably happy I forgot that."


    J... Saffron snickered. "Oh, you would be happy. I love our little Menace dearly, but giving birth was not an experience I enjoyed. But no. Do you remember the City where we found you?"


    "Yeah?"


    "There were refugees. Some of them children. Some of those without parents, or relatives, or anyone to take them in."


    Puzzle pieces fell into place. "We adopted them?"


    She shrugged, the feeling nice against my thigh. "Lovely Marie did. And so now they are ours in every way that matters."


    I twisted to look Marie in the eye. "Shit, did I miss two weddings or something? Wait, is that legal? Are we in some kind of cult? Is that why you three have the matching dresses? Do I have one of those?"


    Saffron chuckled, the sound low and suggestive. "Shall I answer your questions, or give in to my sudden desire for pie?"


    "Pie." intoned Marie.


    "Uh... answers first?"


    "Oh, bother," said Saffron from where she''d rolled herself over and begun wriggling around. "In order, then, you have not missed our wedding to Marie, because it has not yet happened. I''ve been leaving most of the planning to you, because you seem to have been enjoying it. Like a hobby."


    "A hobby. I''m marrying Marie as a hobby?"


    "No, you''re planning the wedding as a hobby. Dragging it out across months. Years, if I know you. Which I do."


    "Yeah... you really think so?"


    "Yes, yes, I do, Tabitha my love, my Goof. It is, in fact, legal for the two of us to marry our beloved Marie, because all of us Worship Deities who allow it. Well, Marie and I do. Your own relationship to Divinity is... complicated. But yes, Siobhan, Marie and I wear that black dress and the matching undergarments and footwear as our Holy Garb."


    "Whoever chose that is an absolute horndog."


    She shut me the hell up immediately when she replied, "yes, you are, and we adore you for it. Literally. Even though we are not, officially, a Cult, since I have in fact claimed a place at the Temple of Wisdom. As for you having that dress, you shouldn''t, but I did in fact want to see you in it at one point, so you do. I think it''s in one of the Lancaster House armoires."


    "You... I''m not supposed to have one? Why did you want to see me in it? Why am I not supposed to have one?"


    I caught the corner of the most intent filled grin I have ever seen when I looked down at her. "Honestly I wanted to see you mostly out of the lingerie. You were, if I may use your words, fucking adorable and adorable when I fucked you. As for the reason you''re not supposed to have one?" She''d worked herself around to kneel between my legs, her elbows on my thighs. Her grin got so intense I swear it ought to have qualified as harassment all by its lonesome, and then she sang, "you''re the one we''re worshipping."


    I came. Right then, right there, squishing her waist with my thighs, my eyes rolling back as my back arched. Marie claimed my mouth midway through it, and the passion of her kiss waned with the intensity of my aftershocks, until she pulled just the tiniest bit away from me, the taste of the sea and pumpkin spice on her tongue. "How... fuck... orgasm?" I panted.


    Saffron snorted. "That? That was barely worthy of the name. When my beautiful Goddess Tabitha comes, the room echoes with the most beautifully vulgar, sublimely obscene, holy profanity I have ever heard."


    "What the fuck are you..." Marie shut me the hell up with her mouth, and Saffron... Holy fuck that woman was good. Marie''s timing was absolutely perfect, pulling away, staring into my eyes, and holding my lips inches from hers as I screamed out something like, "tongue finger clit fuck mega fuck super bitch coming blonde lips please!" Shortly thereafter, Saffron having proved her point about knowing my own intimate responses better than I did, Marie showed me that the carpet did in fact match the drapes, and met my lips with an entirely different set than I''d intended when I said please.


    I''d say I should have specified, but I didn''t really have any complaints.


    At some point in there Siobhan showed up. Like, at the end, really, as we were all kinda rooching around looking for comfortable ways to lie on the too small bed. She flopped down on right in the middle of the bed and kinda groaned out, "forgive me, Tabitha, but... I really am spent. Unless you wanted to show me what you meant by pillow princess?"


    I mean, I didn''t remember saying that, but apparently there''s a lot of shit I''m not remembering. She did look really cute, too, eyes closed, biting her lip, I looked at the other two, they nodded, and, well, we took turns showing her. Okay, we each took a turn. I was ready to go again, but apparently Marie decided to pile drive her straight into dreamland.


    "Tabitha?"


    "Yeah, Saffron?"


    "Would you wear something for me?"


    I snorted. "Kinky lingerie time?"


    She smiled and pulled out something that reminded me of one of those really old school padded leather football helmets. "No, love. This is... It might help with your memory?"


    I shrugged and slipped it on. Felt like a bit of a dork, especially when she frowned and quietly said, "dammit." After a moment she shook her head and said, "thank you, love. You can take it off now if you like."


    "You sure? I dunno, definitely gotta be a kink for you to like the feel of leather inside your thighs."


    "Tabitha?"


    "Yeah, J... Saffron?"


    When I corrected myself, I felt a subtle tension leak out of her. "I have been unable to bury my fingers in your hair for days now. Please, let me correct that?"


    So I did.


    As we snuggled up after, all four of us on a bed really made for one, two if they were real friendly, I said, "not complaining, but... do we normally have this much sex?"


    She chuckled and wriggled herself closer to me. "Siobhan is working sixteen hours a day. I work more than that, as does Marie. Up until very recently, you were putting in more hours in a day than any of us. Consider it a well earned reward."


    I wanted to reply, but she pulled me down into the nicest pillows anybody could want, and I took the hint and shut up and went to sleep.


    Weird fuckin'' food dream again. Lots of Saffron Soup Dumplings mixed with Marie Pasta. Didn''t get any Siobhan Ice Pops until right before I woke up. Sadge.


    As I pushed myself upright, Marie slipped something over my...


    I let out a breath I hadn''t realized I was holding. "Thanks, Murder Mittens." I looked around at the others, who were already awake. "You two have work today?"


    They both nodded. Saffron lay a hand on my cheek and said, "fear not, love. I''ve spoken with Loki and Conrad, and while neither is really comfortable here aboard the Black Dragon, and you cannot visit either of their strongholds while wearing this," she ran a hand across my helmet. "I believe we''ll have one of these delivered to the Academy by tonight, at which point we can meet both of them in the suite there."


    The rest of my tension kinda snapped at that point, and I collapsed back to the bed. I might have been sobbing a bit. No idea fuckin'' why. Probably because after days of this weird bullshit, there was finally, maybe, an end in sight.

 Day Four Hundred And Fifty

    Dear Diary,


    ¡°There are good and bad reasons,


    Choose because you feel it''s right,


    Not ''cause someone told you so.¡±


    - Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Agency


    I worry a little bit about repeating myself as I put together my little bits of poetic not quite nonsense. Only a little, though, because as long as I''m saying it a different way, and I''m repeating important shit, at least maybe there''s a chance one of the ways I say it will get through to some dumbass who desperately needs to hear it. I know I''m still focusing on Agency at the moment, but I guess there''s just too much of me that thinks second chances are important.


    Seriously. That''s entirely why I''m here in the first place. That''s what reincarnation isekai is all about, getting a second chance at life, right? I mean, I dunno if that''s why I''m here in the ''somebody wanted to give me a second chance'' kind of way, but it sure as shit is a second chance. I don''t know if I''m doing it right or just fucking it up in new and exciting ways, but I figure if I got a second chance, everybody deserves one, right?


    I gotta be careful with that, though. Not all second chances are equal. Yeah, Bonnie wanted another go at getting Larry to give her a go, but Garde probably would have found a way to off herself, even if I delivered her to Hel instead of Reviving her. I''m still not entirely copacetic with that, like maybe if I''d found a way to keep her waiting until here and now had shit like proper therapists it might have made a difference. But the only way I could do that would be to put her in a box. Whether it was a literal box to keep her from offing herself or the metaphoric box of sending her to Hel and having my sister take personal care of her, it would still be a box. That''s not even going into the difference between somebody who got shafted by life, somebody who fucked up but wants to do better, and some asshole who Fucked Around, Found Out, and wants the starring role in Fuck Around Two: Fuck Harder. I''m all for giving somebody a second chance to do better, but not so much when their clear intent is to do worse.


    Spent all day yesterday giving my Co-Located ladies back rubs. It''s a different response to rubbing certain other parts, but sometimes I think I like it more. As the sun dropped to the horizon, Marie stood from where I''d laid her out in a nest of pillows on the floor and stretched, followed by Saffron snuggling Siobhan and murmuring, "no more overwork for you, little Ice Pop."


    Siobhan pouted a little, replying, "maybe just a little more work later?"


    She was so cute I couldn''t help myself, I knelt down next to the bed and quietly said, "you know if you want the pillow princess treatment again today all you gotta do is ask, right?" She turned to reply and I proceeded to lick her throat clean of any nonsensical reply about ''duties'' she might have made.


    "All this time to reflect has filled our Goof and Goddess with wisdom. You should listen to her. Although we''d all best drain that wisdom away before she ruptures something."


    I broke away from a grinning Siobhan just in time for my Kitten to lunge in to take her place. When she''d kissed me to her satisfaction, I pulled away just far enough to say, "spending all day giving you sponge baths and backrubs, then having you take turns with me the moment you''re done work. Makes me feel like I''m the toy here, not Ice Pop."


    I think Siobhan was about to pout or something, but then Marie yanked me around and said, "Yes." Then proved her point by taking her turn with some quality liplock time.


    "You love it, you know it." Marie flipped me around to lie on my stomach, all while maintaining her grinning kiss, and Saffron and Siobhan went to work on thighs and back, respectively. Bereft of words, in part due to my amorous tiger, in part due to the utter relaxation the other two imposed on me, I just kinda groaned out my thanks into Marie''s mouth. Eventually I melted enough that I couldn''t keep my head up to continue the kiss, and after giving me a brief kiss on the forehead, Marie set to work on my neck and the back of my head.


    After a bit I muttered something like, "wasn''t there, uh, plan for, um... a trip?"


    Saffron rendered me nonverbal by moving on to my feet as she replied. "Yes, but first I''d like to get you as relaxed as possible." I sent images of flipping me over, and she snickered and said, "without putting you to sleep, Goof. Or any of the rest of us."


    "Better stop soon then," I managed to force out before I yawned. "Long quiet day make sleepy Tabby."


    "You heard her, ladies." A moment later all the wonderful hands went away, followed shortly by the lovely hips that had been using my ass as a seat. "Hold still a moment, love?" I felt loose enough to consider lying there even if she asked me to move, so not moving just made sense. A few seconds later Mana washed through me, a Smite that left me utterly at peace with the world. Even my scars didn''t so much ache as feel stiff. "Lie still, love."


    Marie''s gentle hands carefully rolled me over, then slipped under me to lift me into a princess carry. I just kinda lolled there, utterly limp. Marie lowered me enough for Saffron to lean over and kiss me, her hands going around my...


    Waking up to someone kissing me was not exactly what Sleeping Beauty made it out to be. I surprised myself by not freaking out, although that might have been the strong arms cradling me, or the already familiar lips against mine. J... Saffron pulled away, smiling down at me. "Hello, love. How are you feeling?"


    I shifted a little, maybe to stand up, but Marie curled me to her chest and nuzzled at my neck. "Not bad. Am I hurt or something?"


    "No, love. But we''re going to be moving you today."


    I kinda wanted to tense up at that, but holy shit I did not feel like any kind of tension would be worth the effort. Either I really trusted these lovely ladies, or I''d indulged in some primo weed recently. That or maybe percs. I''d only tried them once, because they put me too far under to enjoy the lack of tension. "Where are we goin''?"


    "We''ll be heading to our suite at the Academy, love. Conrad and Loki are waiting for us there."


    I laughed. "Who? And... Loki? Really? Who calls themselves Loki?"


    She blinked, and lay a hand on my arm. "Conrad is your adopted son, and possibly the most knowledgeable single being in the Mortal Realm and Metaphoric Space alike. Loki... Loki is your adoptive father, and," she paused, shrugged, and forged forward with, "he calls himself Loki because he is Loki."


    I chuckled. "Yeah, son of Laufey and everything, huh?"


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    She smiled. "Exactly, love!"


    I couldn''t stop laughing. Definitely high. "Did you guys drug me or something?" I couldn''t really bring myself to give a shit, because, y''know, high as balls, but I figured it would be nice to know.


    She shook her head. "No drugs. Massage, and a Spell that accentuates feelings of calm."


    "A spell?" I asked, ignoring how Saffron somehow had the ability to drop capital letters where they ought not go and make me hear them.


    She nodded. "I could show you? Although I''m not certain you''ll be able to see it."


    I shrugged. "Sure. What the hell."


    She waved her hands in the air. "I could do this without the gestures, but I''m trying to put as much Mana as I can into this." Something flickered in the air; I couldn''t quite trace it in the gathering gloom, but when she made a flicking gesture with her hands holy fuck I felt it. All of my fucks, gone. Inner peace, achieved. Probably psychosomatic, or a placebo effect or something, but didn''t matter. If it''s stupid and it works, it''s not stupid.


    "C''n I ask you somethin''?" I muttered.


    "Certainly, love."


    "Why you doin'' all this?"


    "Because you are our Hero, Tabitha," Siobhan said from over near my feet. I flopped my head over and saw her standing there in a simple white dress with a matching headdress. Made her look kinda like a nun. Only all in white, to match her hair. Which I couldn''t see, what with her headdress hiding her hair.


    "Hey, Siobhan."


    "Hello, Tabitha." She reached out, almost shyly, to touch my thigh.


    I reached down to hold her hand. "No need to be shy, Siobhan. Not like we haven''t been... uh... a lot less shy." I frowned. "Are we okay?"


    She sighed, interlacing her fingers with mine. "I''m just afraid for you. Afraid that you''ll be forever forgetting everything we''ve... forgetting our history together."


    "That''s part of why, obviously, but there''s another reason as well."


    I frowned at Saffron. "Whazzat?" Definitely high, slurring my words and everything.


    "You are more than capable of es... fleeing and hiding from us, and I worry that whoever inflicted this amnesiac state on you will find you before we can."


    I frowned, although it took an effort to do so. "So, like, you think they''re gonna try to put some extra whammy on me?"


    She nodded. "Or hurt you. Or do something else we''ve not thought of. You are more than capable of defending yourself against physical assaults, but more subtle things..."


    I laughed. "Yeah, I can run a con, but I''m always falling for them, too." I thought about it for the split second it took for me to realize that if these three had wanted to do something bad to me, they could have done it already. "Okay. Let''s go. Not gonna rabbit." I chuckled as Saffron opened the hatch and Marie carried me through. "Might hide behind Marie if these guys are scary though."


    She leaned over and nuzzled at my neck, muttering, "Vlickies." I swear I heard her voice saying, while I live, you are safe. Weird thing for me to think she said, anyhow.


    When we stepped out onto the deck, I looked around. "How are we getting to the Academy, anyhow? Are we close to Annapolis? Wait! We''re in the Chesapeake, aren''t we?"


    My stream of consciousness didn''t seem to bother them, but Saffron said, "Yes, love! We are! Aboard our flagship. Your ship. The Black Dragon. You summoned her at the height of the Battle of the Bay, when all seemed lost to the Undead."


    "Wait, wait, wait, my ship? Summoned? Like, when did I get the authorization to summon up... Black Dragon? That''s the fuckin'' USS New Jersey, BB-62. She''s got the number right on top of turret number two, I saw it!" I turned to look at her, and my head swam as we weren''t aboard ship any more. Instead the four of us stood in what looked like an art student''s dorm room. Red poofy fabric covered the floor, stretching up the walls to about waist height. What looked like a leather and wood hang glider decorated with weird kill markers hung from the ceiling, and two doors stood open; one to a bedroom with a much nicer, much softer looking, much bigger bed, which had me thinking thoughts of the four of us making use of that bed. Weirdest thing, my brain definitely thought it would be more fun than the small bed in the cabin, but my gut told me it was, in fact, my third or fourth choice for nookie related activities. The other door was in the back of a wardrobe. I half expected to see a snowy forest beyond it, but instead I saw what looked like a maker''s workroom. Like, one of those dudes who had too much time and money and bought every stand alone power tool out of the Grainger catalog. Only everything had a kind of steampunk feel to it. "If Thomas Willeford comes outa that closet, it''s not my fault if I drool. Just sayin''."


    That got a chuckle out of a guy behind me. I twisted a little, and Marie turned to let me see a Marshall Mathers lookin'' dude lounging in a chair completely unsuited for lounging in, the chair itself leaning against a big fuckin'' chunky black desk. Said dude wore a double breasted green jacket with ruffles at the collar, his crossed legs making it very clear that he had the legs and attitude to pull off black leather pants. Painted on black leather pants. "Uh... does Jareth know you rifled through his wardrobe?"


    He chuckled again, the sound totally not doing unfortunate things to my southern regions. "Since I haven''t, I doubt he does."


    "Please tell me you''re not my adopted son? Because incest is not the look I''m tryna cultivate here."


    He laughed outright at that. "No, daughter, it is not. And I am not. In case ''daughter'' did not make that clear." He rose in one smooth motion, reaching up and ruffling my hair. Normally I''d bite some asshole who tried that shit with me, but the same part of me that knew without question that Marie would fuck up any motherfucker who tried fucking with me leaned into his hand.


    "Dad?"


    "Indeed, Daughter of my heart." He lifted the chair around and set it in front of him, facing me. "So, we''ve work to do, and while I''m certain you could remain standing, it might be more comfortable if you sat?"


    I nodded, and Marie gently sat me in the chair. Didn''t fucking matter how gentle she was, the fucking thing was an ode to painfully uncomfortable furniture. As I sat, his hands slipping around my temples, I noticed two other bits of furniture in the room. A lacquered case with an enameled crossbow inside, and a toddler bed. Right. I had a kid. Kids. Fuck, another kid, which made seven. I had seven kids. "Uh... where''s?" I nodded toward the little bed.


    Saffron stepped up and stroked my hair. "At Lancaster House with her sisters. I''ve set Karen to watch over them while we focus on you, never fear."


    "Karen?"


    She nodded. "Your Highest Priestess."


    I snorted. "If she''s half as high as I am right now, I''m not sure I''d trust her with kids."


    She laughed, touching my cheek. I''m not sure why everybody seemed so touchy feely. Normally I''d be a lot less copacetic about that, but again, the ladies in the room had given me plenty of reason to look forward to them touching and feeling and doing whatever the hell else came to mind. That bed in the other room was looking better by the moment.


    Then my lady bits curled up and every part of me capable of being tense went tense as fuck. "Mother Dearest, is that you?" Look, I may not be the best at reading people, or seeing through cons, but one thing that''s been honed sharp as fuck is my ability to spot danger. Danger stepped out of the armoire and strode toward me, hands open, smiling welcome. I scooted my chair back until it hit the desk behind me, then pushed myself upright as the scary motherfucker closed with me. He frowned, a perfect fake look of hurt imperfectly covering his murderous nature. "Mother Dearest? Why do you pull away from...?"


    His face darkened, no longer trying to hide his deep and abiding fury. "Who has done this to you? Mother? Tell me, that I might express my displeasure. Please."


    My mouth worked, but no sound came out. Saffron stepped to my side, slipping her hand into the one opposite Siobhan, who''d somehow never quite let go of me. "Son. Whoever did this, its primary effect appears to be loss of some memories." She turned to me. "Tabitha, this is our son, Conrad. He has also been known as The Weyland Smith."


    The fucking Weyland Smith. I''d read about him in a big fucking brick of a book about mythology back in High School. The Weyland fucking Smith. I''d read a book that talked about the rapist Greeks, the psychopathic Norse, and even some bits about the bloodthirsty Aztecs, but... The fucking Weyland motherfucking Smith took shit to another level. Didn''t even fucking kill people; he turned them into fucking modern art, all without killing them. Motherfucker did shit the demons from Hellraiser would look at and say ''dude, you need to chill the fuck out''.


    I did the only thing a sane, rational person could do in the situation.


    I fainted.

 Day Four Hundred And Fifty-One

    Dear Diary,


    ¡°Make your choices for yourself,


    Make your choices for others,


    Do not make other''s choices.¡±


    - Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Agency


    Poetry. I''m writing fucking poetry. Poetry about fucking Agency and Consent and shit. Like, I could see myself writing slashfic maybe, just straight up nasty depictions of, y''know, the kind of shit I''ve been doing since I woke up in... uh... Calverton. That vaguely makes sense to me as a thing I might do. But at best Consent is sex adjacent, and I''m not even getting nasty with this shit.


    I''m still gonna do it. One thing growing up on the streets teaches you, fast, is that you never back down. Run away, maybe, but if you''re gonna do that you run and don''t stop running until everybody involved has forgotten what you''re running from. But if you decide to not run? You gotta stand your ground. The moment you bow down to anybody, you''re their bitch for life. Yours or theirs, doesn''t matter, but that''s not the life I want to lead.


    Okay, maybe for Saffron. I can''t even explain why. But if she wanted to put a collar and leash on me, I''m pretty sure I''d be all ''woof, woof, pant, pant, lick lick''. The really weird part, at least to me, is that it''s not even about the sex. I mean, don''t get me wrong, this is absolutely the best sex I''ve ever had. This goes way beyond, ''these three are really fuckin'' good at getting it on'', although if I''m being completely honest that''s more Saffron and Marie than Siobhan, even if the cute little blonde seems almost pathologically eager to get it on with any or all of us. Not complaining, not even really judging. Yet. Because I think I remember Saffron saying something about ''newest'', and I can totally get how somebody newly introduced to the utterly mind-altering levels of sexual prowess possessed by Marie or Saffron, let alone both of them, might wind up being a little overwhelmed. I sure as shit am.


    But I''m not gonna let that stop me from stepping up for her if I think she''s pushing past ''healthy appreciation for mind-blowing orgasms'' into ''addiction'' territory. Reveling in that shit is one thing, letting it take over and ruin your life is something else. Although... she''s literally spent the past two days pulling way past double shifts at whatever Infirmary or clinic or whatever she works at, and I did not notice a TV or console or any other kind of entertainment in the ''Academy'' dorm room, so if it''s like, the go-to entertainment around here, I guess a pair of sexperts is the local equivalent of a PS Five or something.


    But like I said, it''s not just skills. It goes beyond that. I''m not an expert on sex, but I''ve got an interesting relationship with intimacy. You want something you can''t have long enough and hard enough, especially when it''s something that people you can observe clearly have, you start to build up a body of knowledge about it. You understand it on a kind of weird deep intellectual level, where it''s almost pseudo-visceral. Even if the feels that take over my belly and rush upward until my brain can''t brain any more don''t quite match up with what I imagined they''d be, if this isn''t real intimacy I''m not sure I''d survive the real thing.


    Speaking of survival, I woke up to one of the weirdest moments I''ve ever had in terms of my survival instincts going wonky. The sounds of quiet, almost murmured speech woke me. Sort of. I recognized one of the voices, even if I couldn''t decipher his words, and decided right then and there that my best course of action was to remain absolutely still and silent and hope the scary motherfucker didn''t hear me. It wasn''t until after I''d decided to play dead that I realized my entire body felt... stretched. Not numb, but something close kin to numbness. Almost like somebody was doing something very close to hurting me, that should by all rights be agonizing, but either I''d missed the agonizing part or they''d been slow and careful enough that instead of tearing me apart they''d just... stretched me to a point where I ought to be torn apart, but I wasn''t.


    I wasn''t lying down, either. My sense of touch as weirdly muted as my hearing, I leaned backward at maybe a forty five degree angle, maybe a little closer to supine than that, something like stiff linen and scratchy lace against my back. Someone''s arms pinned mine to my sides, but their hands weren''t around me. At the same time, it almost felt like their hands were the ones stretching part of me that I couldn''t identify. Trying not to panic at all the weird sensations, I kept my breathing steady and even, and that''s when I realized that I wasn''t. Breathing.


    I couldn''t help it. I tensed ever so slightly, at which point I heard Marie''s voice, crystal clear where all others were muted into unintelligibility. Be still, Vlickies. You are safe. I have you.


    That... was too weird. I tried to reply, but nothing came out of my motionless mouth. Fuck.


    A purring chuckle reverberated through my brain. Not now, Vlickies. Later.


    Holy shit, are you hearing me thinking?


    I heard the smirk I couldn''t see. Duh.


    Wait, wait, wait. Did Saffron say something about the Undead before we came here?


    Yes.


    That... fuck, had I lived through some kind of zombie apocalypse or something? And come out of it with telepathic powers?


    Can I talk with anybody else like this?


    Normally? You. Me. Yunya. I had no idea how, but knew she was talking about Saffron when she said that. Siobhan. Loki. She sounded less pleased about him than the others, and sounded positively dismissive when she thought, Canta?


    Normally?


    Yes.


    That was not the explanation I''d been hoping for. Why not now?


    Show?


    This situation wasn''t normal, but I definitely went with my normal go with the flow, don''t make waves reaction of, sure, why not?


    A moment later I was Marie. She lay on a bed, I think the nice one I''d seen before I passed out, and somebody with an absolute mane of wavy raven wing hair lay with her back leaning against Marie''s front. Whoever it was had been through a lot; scars crisscrossed her body like, everywhere, even a couple on her face. She had even more all over her back. At least I kind of assumed that''s what Marie held in her long-fingered, long-fingernailed hands; some kind of glowing hologram of the woman lying against her, showing every part of her from the waist up, where it connected to the woman''s hips. Only where the woman lying against her was maybe my size, the glowing figure was stretched to at least twice as tall and wide as her actual upper body.


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    Of course, along with seeing that, I also saw the other four occupants of the room, all totally focused on that glowing hologram. I could also hear them clearly. The fucking Weyland Smith reached out, careful not to touch the glowing figure, but clearly indicating some horizontal part of it. "See this? This Shaping is incredibly intricate. Those aren''t pattered flows of Mana, they''re individual strands interwoven with one another, yet held distinct and separate."


    Siobhan shook her head. "It''s too fine for me to make it out clearly, but if each strand is so fine, ought they not be equally delicate?"


    The Smith pursed his lips, and I could tell by the way he hid his glare that he barely tolerated Siobhan, but dared not express that for some reason. "I cannot see it directly myself, but that pattern is impossible to create with simple textured strands of Mana. And each of them is not only surprisingly durable, they are interwoven in such a way that pressuring any one of them distributes that pressure into the others. Beyond that they are woven into her in some fashion I cannot divine here, as we found out when someone attempted to pull one."


    "Lord Loki doing so is what prompted us to have Marie help us this way, son." Some part of me winced at Saffron taking that tone with The Fucking Weyland Smith, but his reply came out almost genuinely conciliatory.


    "Forgive me, Mom. We are all of us worried about Mother Dearest." Something in there was a lie, maybe, but I couldn''t tell exactly what. Fuck, I''m not sure he knew exactly what he was lying about.


    Loki cut in at that point, his voice soft. "I think she''s waking up."


    All four of them looked straight at the woman laying against Marie.


    Straight at the woman who was definitely not basic potato me.


    Don''t get me wrong. I am not dissing myself when I say I''m a potato. Potatoes are awesome. Really versatile, half the time you wouldn''t even know they were there if you didn''t go looking. They''re also both brown and wind up getting eaten a lot, in all kinds of interesting ways. Possibly my favorite part of being on team potato.


    But the woman on the bed, other than the ubiquitous pinkish white scars, ranged between ''beacons are lit'' white in her crotch and right around her very pink nips to a sort of super pale pinkish tan everywhere else. Instead of shoulder length brown curly hair, she had the aforementioned lustrous mane of wavy black. Very not potato.


    Also, it was becoming increasingly obvious, very much me. Even if my face was entirely wrong. I blinked, and the wrongest parts went away. I looked a lot more like me, and other than the scars my skin browned up to something like what I would have if I hadn''t seen the sun in a year.


    "Love, you need not hide. You are safe." Saffron''s words flowed over me, gently washed away any momentary identity panic I might have had, but even so I couldn''t tell her how I wasn''t hiding. Shit, I couldn''t hide. I tried to move, but I was utterly paralyzed. I tried again, and one of Marie''s fingers twitched.


    When I got done screaming soundlessly inside my own head, which left everyone but The Smith bent double and clutching at their heads, I whimpered out, Sorry.


    "No, love. Do not apologize for what you had no way to know."


    Could have just not fucked with shit I don''t know shit about. God only knows what I might have wrecked.


    Loki chuckled at that, even as he rubbed his head. "Oh, daughter, if those of us familiar with you should know anything, it is that ''fucking'' and ''wrecking shit'' are in fact your core competencies, primary interests, and hobbies. You doing so to yourself by accident ought not be a surprise."


    Siobhan did something with her hands, and something flickered across the glowing shape extending from my waist. It flowed over me, feeling like menthol tastes, soothing the remaining ache from where I''d torn at whatever it was stretching out from me. She did the same thing to Saffron, then looked at Loki. "Lord, may I?"


    "Please." I watched subtle tension drain out of him when whatever it was washed over him, at which point he looked at Siobhan and said, "would you like me to?"


    "If you would be so kind, Lord."


    While they exchanged pleasantries or whatever, Saffron stepped around and did the same thing to Marie. I got another dose of menthol eucalyptus taste scent feeling, and the last of the tension I''d been feeling washed away.


    Guys? Could someone tell me something please?


    "Anything, love."


    What. The. Fuck? Saffron reached down and lay a hand on my face. Not my face, that was more my face now, even surrounded by that mane of raven wing black, but I still felt it. My fucking face, even if it wasn''t mine. At this point I''d normally take a deep breath, but I couldn''t fucking breathe. Before she could reply to my question, I thought, help... please?


    She leaned over, heedless of how that threatened to pop one or both of her boobs out of her dress, and lifted my head, pressing it to her breast. I could barely feel it, but I could feel it, barely. "Shh... Shh... You''re safe, love. Safer here than almost anywhere else in the Alliance. Your condition, the paralysis and... pain?" I whimpered out a negation, and she let out a relieved sigh. "At least there is that. As the only one of us save yourself capable of manipulating Souls so, Lovely Marie has pulled yours partially out, as you can see?"


    Is... is that what that is?


    "Yes, love." She smiled. "So, so beautiful."


    I look like I lost a fight with a food processor.


    She squeezed my head, and I kinda regretted not being able to feel the bits of her that definitely mushed out against my face. "As I''ve told you before, and will again as many times as it takes for you to look at yourself and see what I see, those scars? Are a record carved in your flesh, a record of every bit of pain you''ve endured for the Alliance. For our family. For me." She whispered that last, and I think she might have started crying if we''d been alone. "But... I can''t help but think you wanted to know more than that?"


    Yeah. This... all this. Undead. Souls. The fucking Weyland Smith and... he''s actually Loki son of Laufey, not just some edge lord using that name, isn''t he?


    Fortunately he had a sense of humor about it. "I am, daughter."


    Meanwhile Saffron paused in thought for a moment, then, with a quelling look at The motherfucking Weyland Smith, whispered, "Isekai." As shit fell into place with the weight of clues dropped from orbit, her voice trickled into my brain, somehow both amused and for me and me alone. Also, not unless you''ve Just Happened to him while I wasn''t looking.


    I had no idea what the fuck she meant by that, but whatever it was amused her rather than upset her, so I just rolled with it. Okay then. What do we do next?


    "What to do next is, in fact, what we''re trying to discover." She looked at me... at Marie, which currently felt like her looking me in the eye, what with me looking through Marie''s eyes. "This is the most you can do?" Marie nodded. "If this is the most you can do, it is the most you can do. Siobhan, Son, Lord, can any of you think of anything else we could try, short of attempting to prune things we cannot truly see?"


    Siobhan and Loki both slumped, but The Smith just nodded. "I have... a device in my Workshop. Two, really, intended for different purposes, but were I to conjoin them, I might be able to do something similar to this," he nodded at Marie''s glowing simulacrum of my body. "Only expanded far further."


    "Could she even survive that?"


    The Smith hid a frown at Siobhan''s question. "Mother Dearest, are you presently in any pain?"


    Not really. Just... feels weirdly numb?


    "No, son, she is not."


    He nodded. "Then I have no doubt she would survive even the most strenuous rigors of the devices in question. And as we can almost see what we are working with here, it should allow us to divine the information we seek. The information we require to determine the culprit of this violation most foul."


    "And remove it?"


    He didn''t hide his frown nearly so well this time. "Of course remove it."


    Saffron slid herself between them verbally before they could start any shit. "So be it. We cannot transport her like this, and obviously she cannot currently move on her own. Marie? How long will it take you to undo what you''ve done?"


    Marie tasted the air, almost like scenting my Soul, and after a moment''s consideration replied, "Nightfall."


    Saffron nodded. "Gentlemen, if you would be so kind as to return at nightfall? The merely Mortal among us need to rest until then."


    I have no idea how I managed to cuff a hottie like Saffron, but right then and there I realized that she was absolutely, positively out of any league I might ever aspire to. Because not only did she dismiss a fucking God incarnate and The Weyland goddamned Smith?


    They both left.

 Day Four Hundred And Fifty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    "Agency, Consent, Choices,


    You are captain of your ship,


    Chart your course with my blessing."


    - Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Agency


    Yeah, I''m kinda tapped out on ways to talk about ''Agency'' at this point, I think. Hopefully that''ll get the point across that I want people thinking, not obeying. Which is a weird fuckin'' position to take for a Goddess writing a book of Doctrine, I guess. ''Do as you will, not as I say'' is better than ''do as I say, not as I do'', at least. I guess part of me is hoping that Karen has enough Saffron in her, and lasts long enough, to maybe min max the commentaries and corollaries and shit until even the most die hard deliberately ignorant thoughtless idiot has some flow charts to use when he needs to think. Something like that, anyhow.


    Of course, now my brain has gone to feeding me images of getting more Saffron into Karen, which is totally not what I meant but apparently when I don''t have any physical activity to speak of in my day, my brain just starts randomly generating head pron at the slightest provocation. I dunno if its better or worse that me-without-memories has gotten most of the sexy fun times lately. I mean, obviously it''s better for keeping me from pulling a runner, because even at my most paranoid, I am still a sucker for the right kind of bait, and any one of my ladies would be absolutely the right kind of bait for me. All three of them together? Eternally bubbly, eager, innocent Siobhan, raw, visceral, passionate Marie, and oh, my, fuck brilliant, calculating, merciless Saffron? Look, my paranoia can take all the seats it needs, if the Eternal Ultimate Torture Device comes with an endless buffet of the three of them? Hook my ass up and make me scream, because I am just exactly that kind of stupid.


    The weirdest thing of all, though, which has me more than a little bit freaked out, and is just tickling my paranoia buttons'' ass with a feather? How the fuck those entries in the Doctrine got in there when I didn''t write them. Okay, one of them, I think, was me from before the dawn of me filling in for me. But yesterday? How? What? I mean, it''s obviously me writing it. Totally my particular brand of stupid. But I know I didn''t write it, and I know she was in no condition to do any writing, so again I ask of the universe, ''what, the actual, absolute, real fuck is going on with that shit?''


    I''d ask Saffron or Siobhan, but they''re both still sleeping. Marie just shrugged, which just means that however it happened she either wasn''t involved or considers it so basic I already know and she''s just fuckin'' around with me. That leaves me as not exactly a happy camper at the moment, although I''m less unhappy than I was wearing Bad Magneto Cosplay. Jon the Smith managed to work up a kind of tiara headgear thing for me. Still Cold Iron, still a little bit heavy, but at least I can scratch my scalp when it itches. Okay, I can have Marie scratch it, because my nails are pretty much working woman''s nails at best. Headgear issues aside, pre-isekai me apparently soaks up Happy Brain Chemicals like a sponge.


    After spending a painfully long, slow time getting my Soul back into my body, my historical-ego decided that she''d gone long enough without carnal gratification and pounced on Marie. Who held her off just long enough to close the door to where Siobhan and Saffron had sacked out on Marie''s floor bed. Apparently all the fooling around in the Captain''s Cabin of the Black Dragon had not prepared her for full on Marie A-Game in a real bed, because by the end of it the only thing she had resembling a thought was wondering how Marie managed all that with no shorter fingernails. I wish I knew why exactly she saw Marie as Human. I mean, yeah, she''s human in every way that matters for purposes of laws and rights and dignity and all that other good shit, but she is, in fact, a Maenad. A tiger who decided to become a horny pinup model. A purpose built fucking, killing, nursing machine. I guess I''m not upset, but I am a little weirded out.


    Marie took the opportunity to give me a good scrub in a tub, which left alter-me even less averse to whatever the fuck Marie wanted to do than normal. Seriously, when the Happy Brain Chemicals apparently make up enough of the brain juice to have a proof normally associated with whiskey, nothing seems like a bridge too far. After she toweled me dry and combed out my hair, she slipped my new Cold Iron tiara on me...


    At which point I realized that ''too awash in Happy Brain Chemicals'' past me is, in fact, still kind of depressed. So I pounced on her again. When we both lay there sweaty and disheveled, she grinned at me and said, "Messy."


    "Yes, thank you."


    I think one of my favorite things about Marie is how open she is with her emotions, and how many nonverbal ways she has to express them. She purred. She growled. She ran her tongue over my not quite completely healed permanent tiger hickey, then flicked my nose with a claw, followed by delicately pinching the bridge of my nose. Letting me know without a fucking word that a spontaneous bridge piercing was, in fact, an option right then.


    Before she could figure out what to say, I smiled at her and said, "go ahead, Mittens. I trust you." She bore down just enough to barely pierce the skin, then pulled away with a booger look, which is both weird and oddly intimidating to see on a seven and a half foot tiger woman. "What''s wrong?"


    "Saffron."


    I tried to frown, but just could not work up a good frown with all the happy flowing through me. "Saffron told you not to give me a bridge piercing?"


    "Any." Before I could respond, two claws touched my lips. "Asked." Then she sighed, her eyes fluttering closed as she savored an obviously happy memory. "Nicely." Then she frowned at me again. "Messy."


    I chuckled, licked her claw tips until she pulled them away, smiling, and said, "you could just lick me clean." She froze. "Oh, shit, I''m sorry. Was that offensive? Fuck, I didn''t mean..."


    Her claw tips descended on my mouth again, and she... didn''t smile at me. There was way too much hunger in that expression for it to be a smile. "Now?"


    "How can I say no to a face like that? Yeah, nowwww..."


    While I was previously aware that many big cats have the whole ''rough tongue with little spines on it'' thing going on, and my Marie is obviously a tigress who woke up and chose bipedalism, I had not previously realized her tongue was, in fact, in possession of spines like that. I also was not aware of exactly how much control Marie had over those little spines. Cats of all sizes use those rough tongues not just for cleaning, but to scrape meat off of bones. I didn''t lose any meat, although it felt like it came real close on my not quite healed shoulder scar. She started with that, and when she growled and purred and looked up at me, pleading clear in her eyes, I nodded. I wasn''t kidding about letting her do just about fucking anything when she looked at me like that.


    She slipped her fangs back into me, clamping down just hard enough to immobilize me, purring and clinging to my upper arms the whole time. I have no idea how long she sat there, clamped to my shoulder, tongue gently scraping dead skin and scar tissue away. By the time she''d satisfied herself that my shoulder was in fact bitten and licked to her satisfaction, I might have had some blood left in my endorphin stream, but I am not prepared to bet on that.


    Then she proceeded to clean and exfoliate the rest of me. I was also previously aware that certain body parts are not meant to be exfoliated. Marie apparently gave no fucks about that fact today. Worse, she was totally focused on actually getting me clean, not potential antics or hijinks. When she finished and lay there atop me, grinning down at me, I reached up with both hands, ignoring the faint ache in my shoulder, and gently but firmly took her by the ears. "That was mean."


    The big freak just grinned at me. "Yes." Then she leaned forward, ignoring my hands clutching her ears as much as I''d ignored my shoulder, and kissed me.


    I tried really hard not to think about why her mouth tasted like she''d eaten enough pumpkin pie spice to keep the Academy in pie for the entire holiday season. Fortunately, I''m really good at not thinking about things, as has been noted.


    When she finally pulled back, satisfied that my tongue and mouth were both clean, I asked, "so, am I clean enough for you now?" Her mouth dropped open into a chuckling grin, her tongue lolled out, and she lowered her head toward my chest. "Okay! Okay! I''m clean enough now!" Laughing, I tried to push her away, but she whined until I let her nip my nip with one fang. As she helped me up, I lay a hand on my shoulder. "You really wanna do more than just this, don''t you?"


    She smiled and nodded. Then, like that wasn''t enough, said, "Yes."


    I traced my fingers across her lips, slipped my palm into her mouth. "Go on. I trust you."


    She shook her head, rolling her eyes as she did. "Promised." Then, giving my palm a lick which might have removed the last of the callouses I''d earned from sword practice with Lancaster, she grinned and said, "Yet."


    "Oh, shit. I''m in danger."


    She bunted my forehead. Never truly, Vlickies. Not from me.


    "I know that, you big fuzzy freak. I love you."


    Skin, on the other hand...


    I couldn''t help it. "I''m in danger!"


    We kept our chuckles quiet as we slipped into the office, where I sat down and wrote while we let the other two sleep. Marie stayed close behind me, draping herself over my shoulders like a blanket. With a blanket wrapped around us. I didn''t really need the warmth, but I appreciated her staying close. I thought through my few lines, scribbled them onto the foolscap I''d been working with, then pulled open one of the books on the table at random. "Law and Custom of the Inter-City Alliance." I whispered. "Damn, Kitten. Ten steps ahead, as always."


    "Given how many of our opponents think five steps ahead, thinking fifteen and acting ten is the only way I stay ahead." Saffron rolled into my lap, burying her face in my chest. If she hadn''t, I wouldn''t have heard her whisper, "the only way I can even try to keep us safe."


    After that we just sat there for a while, until Siobhan sat up. "How long did you let me sleep?"


    Saffron leaned out from my lap and replied, "long enough for you to be rested, and that''s all that matters." Then she looked at Marie. "Could you collect Loki, please?"


    Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.


    A minute later Dad showed, and Saffron knocked on the door in the back of the armoire. Conrad leaned out and asked, "is she ready?"


    "As ready as I''m gonna be."


    He frowned. "I''m sorry, Mother, but you cannot set foot in my Workshop with that," he nodded toward my head, my tiara, "on your head."


    "Weird rule..."


    He shook his head. "No, mother. Not by my choice. By what you would call Laws of Physics. Cold Iron cannot exist within my Workshop. Should you attempt to bring it within, I cannot say exactly what would happen, but... I believe you have Translocated with Cold Iron on your person?"


    "Okay, yeah, molten iron on my head: bad. Got it." I turned to Saffron and Siobhan. "No chance either of you could give me a Smite to get me copacetic before we do this?"


    "Either?" Saffron asked, looking at Siobhan.


    "Both." Siobhan said, nodding to Saffron.


    They each dropped the Spell into me, one after the other in close succession, I almost oozed out of the chair as Marie scratched at my scalp with her...


    Marie carefully removed something from my mane of hair, then set it on the chunky desk. A tiara. An all metal one. Siobhan and Saffron looked at each other, waved their hands, and I got a double dose of whatever mystical weed whammy they''d hit me with before. I almost fell out of the chair, but Marie lifted me up into a princess carry. My whole body felt kinda... raw. Not in a bad way, but like I''d just gone half a dozen rounds with a loofa. "Hey, guys. ''Sup?"


    "We''re ready to begin the next steps in discovering what was done to you, as well as who did it."


    Something struck me just then, an idea that floated through my head and drifted out of my mouth before I could stop it. "Hey... if you guys figure it out, and you fix it. Does that mean this me like, stops existing?"


    Everyone but The Smith froze. After a moment Saffron said, "there... There is not..." She shook her head. "You are you, love. You aren''t a completely different you just because you''ve lost your memory."


    "I''m not? I... I act different, don''t I?"


    "Only in ways that are affected by those memories." She leaned in and put her forehead against mine. "You, my love, are always yourself, whether you remember the rest of us or not."


    "Oh. Am I just being stupid?"


    She shook her head without moving away, the sensation oddly familiar. "No, love. No, concerns are never stupid." She sighed. "I... Would it help to speak with yourself?"


    That made no fucking sense, but screw it, most of the time I don''t anyhow. "No idea how that''d work, but I guess it couldn''t hurt."


    "Then I will find a way. For you, love." She stepped away, turned back to the men. "If we are to do this, let''s be about it." Loki stepped forward, The Smith moving aside to let him pass. Siobhan moved to follow, but Saffron took her by the hand and held her back. She looked The Smith right in the eye and said, "son. To be sure you understand. This is Sister Siobhan Darling, who your mother and I have taken as a Concubine. As such, she is family." She paused, and I almost thought I imagined the booger look that flashed across The Smith''s face. Then, her voice low and almost growling, Saffron said, "also, she is your Mother''s to break and crush and swallow, and she would be very put out should her new toy be damaged."


    I have no idea why exactly that ground my fuckin'' gears, but the weirder thing was The Smith''s reaction. Something that almost looked like a genuine smile spread his lips just a little further than ought to be possible, and he almost sounded like a normal decent honest human being when he said, "of course, Mom. I understand completely. She will leave my Workshop in the same condition she enters it."


    Of course, that was not nearly as reassuring as it should have been, because while he was doing and saying that? Siobhan blushed, turned toward Saffron, and collapsed, her eyes rolling back. Saffron caught her like the waif she absolutely was. Then she blew my mind by doing the whole Sleeping Beauty kiss, and it fuckin'' worked like a charm. One moment, unconscious blonde nun, next moment Nuns Gone Wild liplock with my wife. Apparently my wife. Still fucked with my head having a wife. Didn''t even want to think about the ethical nightmare of having not one but two concubines. Like, the fuck was I thinking? I guess I''d have to ask that when Saffron figured out a way for me to talk with myself.


    Then we stepped through the doorway into the Workshop. A quick look around showed that my initial glimpse had pretty much been exactly on point. I recognized a drill press and a table saw from a shop class I took one year before they closed that program down. I recognized an anvil, because I''m not an idiot, and a furnace nearby with heat rolling off it. From the safety of Marie''s arms I panned my gaze across the room. I almost looked past it, but something about it pulled my gaze back like somebody''d connected a cable to my eyes. I stared, confused, for like half a second, before I realized why I couldn''t recognize what the fuck I was looking at, what was giving me worse danger signals than even The Fucking Weyland Smith, who stood next to the thing like a proud papa.


    I recognized the bench first. Bench? Bed? Rack? Yeah, the thing obviously had ''rack'' deep in its ancestry, with wrist and ankle cuffs to pin somebody to it. But instead of the normal gears you''d expect to pull somebody apart with, a stubby gleaming pressure vessel with tubes dangling from it squatted underneath the surface of the rack. The controls made me look past it at first. Instead of a single vertical sliding bar, it had a set of horizontal ones, each of them with what looked like positive and negative values arrayed to either side of the central neutral position.


    That was not the worst thing in my field of view, though. That whole setup, which left my entirely un-sanguine about putting myself at the mercy of The Fucking Weyland Smith, sat in the very center of a gleaming metal arch. Nightmares from surfing through parts of the web no kid the age I''d been should be allowed near surfaced, and my whole body trembled as the word, "nope," leaked out of me over and over.


    Of all the people in the room I did not expect comfort from, The Smith stepped over and took my hand in both of his. "Mother. Mother Dearest, Mother of my Soul, be... be not..." Finally, with an obvious effort of will, he managed to force out, "be not afraid."


    The weirdest thing? I didn''t think he was faking. "That... those are torture devices."


    "Yes."


    "You want to strap me into a pair of torture devices."


    He shook his head. "Were there any other way, Mother, I would not expose you to this."


    I''d dealt with one too many grifters to miss what he hadn''t said. "That''s not a no."


    Without letting go of my hand, he lowered his eyes to the floor. "A dutiful son does not lie to his Mother."


    "I like my skin. In one piece. On me," I whimpered.


    He nodded. "Mother, I swear to you, you shall survive this with not one single additional scar."


    I looked down at the scars crisscrossing my body and a near hysterical giggle slipped out of me. "I don''t want to be mostly dead."


    He smiled at me, the expression no less creepy for being as real as anything I''d seen on his face. "I cannot help you with your current condition, Mother. No matter how much I surprise myself by finding myself wanting to. You shall emerge from my Workshop as close to your current condition as it is in my power to keep you."


    "And if he does not do his utmost to preserve you, as is right and proper for a dutiful son," said Saffron, "Siobhan and I will restore you after I have chastised him appropriately."


    Tears slipped down the sides of my face. "What if he kills me?" I whispered.


    The smile on Saffron''s face vanished, replaced by a grin so cruel I couldn''t tell who to be afraid of. "Then I will tell his sister what he has done, and your injunction against bullying him will no longer apply."


    I wanted to hit her with all the ''dafuq'', because I could not conceive of anybody who could apply ''scared straight'' tactics to The Fucking Weyland Smith of Legend. But I swear the fucker almost pissed himself, covering it up with coughing like he''d swallowed all the spit in the world down the wrong tube. "Mom. Mother. I assure you both, there will be no need." He dropped to one knee, one manicured hand holding mine, one oddly hairy one holding Saffron''s. "I swear to you on my Power, on my Workshop, on my Divinity, I will protect her as I would myself."


    Saffron stared at him a long, timeless moment. Then she nodded once and turned to me. "Love? I believe he is sincere."


    "Yeah," I rasped out.


    "Will you... can you bring yourself to do this?"


    I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths to center myself. When I opened them, I looked at the scary little motherfucker kneeling on the floor in front of us. "Son?"


    He looked up, something almost like hope in his eyes. "Yes, Mother Dearest?"


    "Is there any other way?"


    He nodded, then shook his head. "Mother Dearest, I swear to you, I know of no other method to acquire the information we need to free you from this curse."


    I closed my eyes and took another deep breath. The smell of the sea filled my nose, and I realized right then that I''d never left Marie''s arms. Without opening my eyes I asked, "can Marie hold me? Hold my hand even?"


    "I''m sorry, Mother, but she cannot." Before I could say anything, he added. "She can stand as near to you as I will. Any closer and I am not certain it will be safe for her. Although..."


    "Yeah?" I asked, desperate for any crumb he would throw me.


    "Once my device has done what it must, I believe she may be able to touch you, at least until it is time to undo what has been done."


    I took a deep breath. I wanted to run. I wanted to scream. I wanted to do anything but this. "Marie?"


    "Yes."


    "Can you... I dunno... show me our kids?"


    Like she''d done the day before, I felt her mind, her perception, slip into mine. A moment later, I felt Saffron do the same. Images drifted before my mind''s eye, somehow crisp and clear and yet fuzzy at their core, the way I knew my own mom''s face, but knew it both from when I looked up at her round cheeks as a kid and looked down on her withered face as she died. Like I wasn''t seeing just one image, but every image I''d ever seen of them.


    Freaking me out just a little, the Weyland Smith came first. Just him, as he stood before us, unchanged and unchanging... except not. Something about the smile on his face. No less creepy, but... less fake, maybe.


    Then the crossbow I''d seen sitting in the case in the other room. I had no idea why, maybe it was a favored toy or something, but it just sat there looking smug as shit, which is not something a thing without a face should be able to do.


    Before I could give voice to the growing ''what the fuck'' inside me, a girl. Skinny, like a lot of the kids I knew got at the end of summer, but smiling. She had a pony onesie on, and she clutched at a copy of Wintersmith as her lips moved, reading it aloud. Seeing her sparked a deep, abiding rage at everyone who had ever hurt her. Including me.


    Next a blonde girl, one whose whole bearing reminded me a little of myself. Quiet but not invisible. Maybe a little tomboyish, but not ever a boy.


    Then the girliest girl to ever girl, in a pink taffeta dress with a tutu that did not go with it, but somehow went absolutely with the girl herself.


    A tiny little strawberry blonde, hiding on top of an armoire, a finger pressed against her lips.


    Then a dark haired little hellion, the kind who would absolutely do every ''boy'' thing you could name, just to prove that she didn''t suck. Her ''armor'', a knit onesie complete with a visor, should have looked absolutely ridiculous, but the super serious look on her face kept me from laughing.


    Then... a girl. A tiny thing, head of dark curls, look in her eyes that told me that she had every ounce of her mother''s commanding presence, every bit of my own hell spawned nature. The kind of kid who even in diapers could and would rock the world, standing as tall as her tiny stature would let her in an military uniform with the name ''Aetos-Diaz'' on the left breast. One glance and I knew I would do anything for her. Anything at all.


    Even this.


    "Put me in."


    Marie lay me gently on the table, kept one hand on my belly as she used the other to cuff first my ankles, then my wrists, until I lay spread eagled. Lips against mine popped my eyes open. Siobhan, who stepped away after wiping the sweat from my brow. Then Saffron, who glared at The Smith as she pulled away from me. Then Marie, who stepped to his side and glared down at him. I realized right then that her hands were probably big enough to wrap around his neck twice. "Carefully."


    "As careful as I can be," he said, pulling a few suction cup looking things from beneath the table. He attached one to each of my temples, another to each armpit, and one to my crotch. "Apologies, Mother, but I needed to adjust the positioning of these." He turned back to the machine, looking at something I could barely see hovering above the sliders. "With this, I will be able to monitor and control the flow of Mana through you. Siphoning off excess which might interfere with the process and damage you, or supplying more should you require it."


    He turned to Marie and, his whole posture one of deference, shifted her to stand slightly further from me. Just as close to me as he was, as he''d said. "I am ready, Mother Dearest."


    "Will it hurt?"


    "Oh. Yes. It will." He threw a lever, and the table I lay on shifted. It lifted me until I hung from my wrists, barely supported by the clamps on my ankles. Then it spun me to face the wall of cabinets behind the arch, sliding forward until I hung directly beneath it. Something clunked, like the table had locked in place, and the cuffs on my wrists and ankles tightened. The cabinet along the wall opened.


    Then the knives came out.

 Day Four Hundred And Fifty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    "Egalitarianism,


    Equality, Consequence,


    The first two require the third."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Egalitarianism


    I remember that old speech by Doctor King; I''m sure everybody''s heard it. The one line about people being judged by the content of their character rather than the color of their skin. Trust me, nobody gets that more than somebody who grew up in the hood. Yeah, I get mad, I make assumptions. In some cases they might even be right. Like, I get that the dude on the roof of the Aquarium might have been like me, a really light skinned Hispanic who could pass for white in the right light. But fuck it, even if he was, ain''t nobody in the hood who can afford a fuckin'' sniper rifle, or even a hunting rifle. That''s not even a racial thing, it''s basic economics. You deal, you need protection, but nobody you need protection from is gonna sit down the street from you and let you take aim at them. Guns are expensive, so you''re gonna buy what works. A pistol, maybe an SMG, maybe an automatic carbine, but not a fuckin'' sniper rifle.


    So yeah, I''m not calling the fucker nasty names because of the color of his skin. I''m talking shit about him because the motherfucker shot me for no better reason than the lead it put in his pencil. I mean fuck, if he was gonna do that, he could at least have been a gentleman and popped a cap in my brain after making sure I got my fortune cookie first. Yeah, look, from what Saffron tells me that shit happened over a year ago, but from my perspective it happened a couple days ago. Less than that in, y''know, continuous conscious time. So I''m still fuckin'' salty about it.


    But yeah. ''Content of Character''. How the fuck else do you judge that except by somebody''s actions? Like, do I know what that asshole was going through? No, I do not. Do I know what his pseudo-ejaculation from his phallic substitute went through? My fuckin'' skull. So yeah, I''m firmly in the corner of ''that asshole was a fuckin'' asshole, and his character is shit''. They tell me I''m a Goddess here. Makes sense, if I''m writing ''Doctrine'' and shit. I dunno if I can get that dude''s Soul in whatever afterlife I can send people to, but if I can, I have an in with a dude who makes Soul torturing devices, and if that motherfucker does wind up in my hands? I am absolutely gonna have my sociopathic little son use his soul to demonstrate all the newest in afterlife torture devices.


    Fuck. No idea why I''m the one stuck writing the into to this section of the Doctrine. I guess maybe having your Soul ripped out of your body and spread out across a couple dozen cubic meters leaves you with nothing much to do except think about shit. Okay, after the screaming''s done. So much fuckin'' screaming. So much pain. So weird that after that little psycho''s machine spread my innermost self around the room that the pain died down to that weird stretched feeling so quickly.


    That might have been Marie''s hand on the top of my head. Before I even stopped screaming she lay her palm on the back of my head, her fingers stretched across my scalp, long fingernails just barely protruding into my field of vision. Weird, with the blurriness they almost looked like claws. Somehow, even through the agony of so much of me flayed open for little hooks to pull that glowing shit out of me, I felt her hand. It soothed me. Didn''t make the pain go away, or the stretching feel less agonizing, but maybe it did? Just slowly, like she couldn''t just pull it all out. Maybe it was just me adjusting or going numb or something. But I wanted it to be Marie''s hand.


    As the pain died away, I became aware of people talking. It wasn''t as fuzzy as it had been back in the bedroom, but the distortion was, if anything worse. Hell, I hadn''t even noticed the distortion until just now, although now that I did I realized it had been a problem in the other room.


    Marie? Show me?


    A moment later I saw the back of my own head. Given the blood splatter across the floor that wasn''t obscured by the table or my head, I wound up really glad I couldn''t see what I couldn''t see. Instead, I focused on the intricate webwork of... stuff spread across the area between the arch and the cabinets. I realized right then that whatever the fuck The Smith had done, he''d left my Soul way more distorted than Marie had. In her case, it had been me, or at least the me I had wherever here was, but expanded. The torture machine, on the other hand, had just stretched bits of me out until it filled the space. That reminded me of how much painful stretching still tore at me, but with Marie there to buffer it, at least I wasn''t screaming any more.


    Of course, I couldn''t speak, so I wondered if I''d really been screaming out loud, or just inside my head. No idea, because being in so much pain you cannot stop screaming is not the best mental state for forming coherent memories. Right then I remembered something one of the ROTC DIs told me. Well, told the class. I''d asked for permission to go to the nurse, because my period cramps were really bad that day. I knew she couldn''t give me painkillers, but sometimes just lying there with a hot water bottle could do wonders. One of the guys in the class barked out, "pain is just weakness leaving the body!"


    I swear, if I''d been in less pain, I would have made some weakness leave his balls right about then. But the DI stepped into that gap, like heroes do. "You heard that in a movie, didn''t you, son?"


    To his credit, the cadet didn''t try to bluster. By that point in our ROTC classes we''d all learned that the DIs were both so much tougher and meaner than any street kid that they didn''t even need to expend effort to keep the worst of us in line. Might have been because both of them were former street kids themselves, just with professional military training and decades of experience doing unto others before others did unto them. "No, Sergeant." At the Sergeant''s disbelieving look, the kid wilted and said, "YouTube video."


    The DI just shook his head. "Do you know what''s leaving Diaz'' body right now?" When the kid shook his head, the DI smiled and said, "blood. At a guess, has been for a couple days. Probably will for another couple. When you can bleed for a week and not die? You have my permission to give her shit about it. Understood?"


    "Yes, Sergeant."


    The DI nodded, then turned to the whole class. "Do you want to know what pain really is? What it needs to be if you''re really gonna pursue a career in the Army?" Everybody just listened attentively, even those of us who''d never intended to wear a uniform after we left school. "Pain is your body telling you that you''re damaged. Pain is your body telling you that something is wrong, that you forgot to duck, that you weren''t watching close enough for tripwires, or maybe just that you went right when you should have gone left. That you''re unlucky enough to be the one the sniper picked, or got the MRE some asshole poked a hole in six months ago in shipping, or that your body just decided to fuck you over because that''s what bodies do." When everybody looked the right mix of pretend shocked at the DI''s salty language and comprehending his point, he got a little quiet. "Pain is also proof positive that you''re still awake, aware, and most importantly alive. The dead don''t feel pain. Any of you go to the pokiest bit of the sharp end, you''re gonna learn lots of ways to inflict a lot of pain, fast. You know what I used it for most?"


    The dude who''d taunted me answered, "taking out bad guys before they could take you out?"


    The DI shook his head. "Nah. Don''t get me wrong, I did that once or twice, but mostly? I used it to make sure they were dead. The dead don''t feel pain. So if you''re feeling pain? You''re still alive. Maybe not for long. Maybe not in any condition to do anything about it. But so long as you feel pain? You. Are. Alive."


    Yeah, right then, with my Soul stretched out for the people who called themselves my wife and son and dad to examine? That long ago lecture was a fuckin'' lifeline, keeping me something like sane. Actually, fuck that, Saffron had already acted more wifey than anybody I knew back in Camden, and Loki... fuck, at least he showed up. Better than the dude who dropped his sperm in my mom. That''s not really fair, what with him dying, but I was in pain, and I wasn''t really interested in being fair to somebody who was decades gone and probably dead.


    "The distortion is not making this easier, Son."


    The Smith... I realized right then that I''d never heard Saffron refer to him like that. Weird thing to realize, but fuck it. My son replied, "I am aware, mother, but this does magnify everything by more than an order of magnitude." He pointed, careful not to cross into the glowing cube of me-stuff. "See there? That pattern?"


    The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.


    Saffron nodded. "The very same. Distorted, but... clearly... Wait... Lord Loki, is that what I think it is?"


    Loki moved around to stand next to her, then crouched to look down the line of her arm. I saw him... vibrate, maybe? As he did, a whole winding thread through the glowing thing vibrated as well, and I had all I could do to keep myself from screaming. I think Marie whimpered a little, I think I made her whimper a little, because everyone else in the room snapped their gaze to her. "She sees through your eyes?" asked Loki.


    Marie nodded, and Saffron said, "please, Tabitha, forgive us for the pain we cause."


    De nada.


    Marie repeated my words, and Saffron replied. "It is not nothing. But thank you, my love." She turned to Loki. "Was that?"


    He nodded. "The strand of her Soul which was once mine, which marks her as my High Priestess, as my Champion, as claiming me as her Patron. Those strands make up most of that pattern, in fact. But someone has braided something through them."


    Shit, if I''m a Goddess, how am I a High Priestess?


    Loki laughed when Marie finished conveying my words, the sound rueful. "Because, Daughter of my heart, you have continually shown me that things I thought of as laws of nature were, in fact, mere traditions."


    So what does that mean?


    Loki looked at Saffron and our son, who''d been doing what I thought of as ''tech nerd muttering'', heads close together as they looked at something and quietly discussed it using terms I had no clue how to even decipher. Siobhan stood not far behind them, nodding along, so at least somebody else knew what they were talking about. Saffron nodded then turned to face Marie. "It means that so long as those bonds remain, this curse will draw power from them. Even if we tried to excise it, should we fail to remove any portion, it might reassert itself."


    "It''s worse than that." Siobhan muttered. Everybody turned to stare at her, and she said, "the other threads."


    "The what?" Loki looked more than a little perturbed.


    Siobhan moved around the perimeter of the machine, pointing. "There, and there, and... I think there and there? Those two are so much dimmer than the others, like..."


    "Like they''re not connections to Divine Souls." Loki turned to me. "Please understand, I bear you no rancor if you are, daughter, but are you Champion or High Priestess of any other Deities? Or have you perhaps taken another Patron?"


    Saffron interrupted with, "a Mortal... no, any being can only have one Patron." Loki just gestured to me, and Saffron sighed, then shook her head. "No. No, Lord. Forgive me, but I have become intimately familiar with many aspects of Souls and Auras over the past year. Much like a Deity can only properly have one Champion, a Mortal can have only one Patron. From all I can tell, that holds true the other way around as well; Mortals can have only one Champion, and Deities can only have one Patron."


    Loki nodded. "I bow to your expertise, Archmage." Then he turned back to me. "So, daughter?"


    Look, I just found out I''m your High Priestess and Champion. I sure as fuck don''t know if I''m anyone else''s.


    That''s when Marie whispered. "Mine."


    Loki blinked. "Pardon, Maenad Marie, but did I hear you correctly?"


    My perspective shifted as she stood up. Stood up to her full height. I''d never realized how much she... slouched, I guess. The next tallest person in the room had to be Loki, and he wasn''t much taller than I was. Standing like she was, she had to have at least two feet on him. Then my perspective jerked upward, and she glared down at him from at least three feet above his head. "My. Right." A pause, then far less aggressive. "My. Champion."


    Loki''s hands went up in a conciliatory gesture. "Oh, certainly, certainly. Maenads are in fact Demigoddesses, and as such may choose a Champion. Might I suggest, however, it might have been polite to inform the Deity of whom she was already the Champion before doing so with mine?"


    "No."


    He nodded. "Fair enough. Fair enough. I suppose if no one has ever done something before, the social niceties are in fact uncharted territory. You accept that she is, in fact, still my Champion and will remain so for the foreseeable future?"


    Marie nodded, slowly and regally. "Yes."


    Loki sighed. "I suppose that''s the best I can hope for in this case." He turned to the others, flinching a little when he realized exactly how close Saffron stood behind him. "Archmage."


    "Lord. So," she turned to our son. "From what I can see, the curse is embedded into each of those connections. If..." She stopped herself, took a deep breath. "If those connections were severed, would that break the curse?"


    The Smith nodded, then held up a hand. "I believe so. It is a theory. However, there remain two, perhaps three problems." When Saffron nodded, he explained. "First, there are at least three unknown connections. I suspect Tabitha herself knows the two mortals, although they are obscured from her while her memories are obfuscated. For that matter, I suspect you and I both know of one of them."


    Saffron facepalmed. "Karen."


    "Exactly. She is, as noted, the High Priestess of Tabitha Diaz, not Mimic herself." Something about that word, that name, Mimic, made my whole Soul shudder, and everyone in the room froze as a whimpering moan of pain escaped from both my lips and Marie''s. "Forgive me, Mother."


    De... De nada.


    He didn''t respond until Marie repeated my words. "It is not nothing, but I thank you for your kind words. At any rate, Tabitha would need to disavow her High Priestess and her... Champion?"


    "We''ll have to ask her when the curse is next suppressed."


    "Agreed. At any rate, the second problem is that we are do not know whether the curse will reestablish itself around new connections; I doubt that my esteemed grandfather will refrain from reestablishing her as his High Priestess and Champion?"


    Loki nodded. "I would do so the moment we knew it was safe, but now that I know it might not be?"


    Conrad went still for a moment, then turned to me. "Pardon, Mother, but may I try something? It will be invasive, it may hurt, but I believe it will be diagnostically useful."


    Go ahead.


    When Marie repeated my words, something slithered into my Soul. Not painful, exactly, although it stretched things further. Something else wound its way around and through the thing slithering through me...


    I looked around a strange room, with a huge cloud of light in front of me, tiny people crowded around the cloud. My mouth moved without conscious volition. "Worse."


    Something slithered out of me, painful suction like somebody''d yanked a string of beads out like a Beyblade cord...


    Holy fucking shit don''t do that again.


    "Son?"


    "Yes, Mom?"


    "What did you just do?"


    The Smith gave my wife a look I''d seen on way too many big badass gang members when their mother took a shoe off. "I made her my Champion. Then removed that Title."


    "Please do not do that again. It was traumatic for her."


    I didn''t fucking remember anything. Like, just fuckin'' woke up after being shot didn''t remember.


    "Apparently it also re-established the curse''s memory loss."


    He nodded. "I was watching. I am uncertain as to whether the increased potency was a factor of the new Title establishing a new base time for the curse, or if the greater potency of being my Champion is to blame."


    "Excuse me?" asked Loki, looking a little put out.


    The Smith made a tossing away gesture. "I outrank you." Then he turned to Saffron. "Although if we could have my sister join us? I suppose not." Given that the look she''d given him should have hit harder than any chancla in the history of chanclas, I wasn''t surprised he''d backed down. "At any rate, I..."


    "No, wait, please, I mean no disrespect, grandson, but... you outrank me?"


    The Smith turned that way too big grin on Loki. "When the daughter of your heart adopted me, she did so in a manner that recreated me a Mor Primordial, Grandfather."


    "And that method?" Loki very carefully didn''t choke out.


    "Will not be shared with anyone but Mother Dearest."


    Loki nodded. "Fair."


    "May I continue, Grandfather?"


    "Please do."


    "As I was saying, we now know that removal of those connections would, in fact, remove the curse, but without knowledge of who that final Divine connection is with, we cannot have it removed, and cannot be certain the curse would wither with it in place."


    "We could cut it." I''d never heard Saffron''s voice that... flat. Emotionless. Cold.


    "Mom. That could..."


    "It would not kill her."


    "Are you certain?"


    She lay her hand on my foot. I realized right then that my hands and feet had suffered less than my everything else. "I am. Tabitha is the strongest Soul I have ever known. Her... other self reinforces that. Her Kraken," my Soul wobbled again, but Saffron never paused. "Support her, not just her other self. She will survive. But..."


    "But?" Siobhan asked.


    "I do not know what damage cutting the curse would do."


    So we save that for a GOTH plan?


    Saffron smiled sadly up at me. "Yes, let us save that plan for if everything else fails." She turned to our son. "In the meanwhile?"


    The Smith nodded. "Yes. In the meanwhile," he pulled open a drawer under a big drafting table on the far side of the open space. "I will need all three of you to make detailed renderings of the curse as you see it. Determining which Fae did this ought be simple if we can unravel a clear enough image of the Mana and its Shape. But some Fae can, even at this remove, occlude some part of their essence from a single being, or even a class of beings. So the more imagery we have to work with, the more likely we are to find the correct culprit."


    Vlickies?


    Yeah?


    She raised her hand just enough to lower the pressure. Can you endure?


    I wished I could have closed my eyes and taken a deep breath. I... I will.


    Marie stepped to where the others gathered paper and clipboards and pencils. "Four."


    I... don''t know how long I hung there, the strange stretched feeling growing more and more painful over time. I lost all sense of time, and eventually started to maybe even lose my sense of self. I know at some point I whimpered, then forced myself to think, no, when Marie''s palm settled on my head. I didn''t know if I would survive as me if this ''curse'' went away. I wasn''t sure of a lot of things as I hung there in pain.


    But I knew that whoever did this shit needed a whole lot of weakness to leave their general crotch region.

 Day Four Hundred And Fifty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    "Egalitarianism,


    To be judged for who you are,


    Not judged for your origin."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Egalitarianism


    I think this one''s gonna take a lot, and I hope I can cram everything I want into it. People hear about the idea of egalitarianism, of equality, of equity, and the typical initial response is ''yeah, treat everyone equally''. Trouble is that we''re fuckin'' not, and any five year old can tell you that. Saffron''s smarter than me. Marie''s so much more Skilled than me it''s silly. Siobhan''s just genuinely nicer than me, or come to think of it anybody else I''ve ever known. I''m really glad she seems to have enjoyed the inevitable conclusion of our date, because I''d hate to think I ruined something that should be so special for her, because she of all people doesn''t deserve bad things to happen to her. Menace is younger than me. Maze is better in front of crowds, for all that she''s shy when she''s not in front of one. Bonnie''s prettier than me. Larry... okay, maybe that''s why I was willing to make him my Champion. Nah, now that I think about it, I''m pretty sure he''s faster than me.


    But with the exception of Siobhan, none of those have any kind of moral component. Shit, I kinda wonder if just being sweet tempered is moral or not. If you never actually get the urge to rip a motherfucker''s tongue out through his asshole, are you a better or worse person than somebody who gets that urge and then doesn''t? Serious question, because I''m supposed to be the Moral Compass, and I sure as shit don''t know. But what I do know is that thinking about that kind of shit is important. If you''re trying to figure out if somebody deserves a pat on the head or a kick in the ass, everybody gets that you''ve gotta look at what they did, but you also gotta look at why they did it. Their situation, their whole everything. Like, okay, if Karen broke into a building on a cloudless day in August, there''s a legit chance she did so because if she didn''t, she''d fuckin'' fry like a human shaped strip of bacon. Meanwhile Andre Lands? That super dark skinned dude? Not so much on the turning into a lobster. Of course, he''d still need shade from the heat, maybe, or some water, so that''s a really fuckin'' bad example, but I didn''t know that until I started thinking about it. Which kinda proves my point, you gotta think about nuance when you''re applying consequence.


    I mean, for most shit. You see somebody killing babies, and... Fuck, not every fucking person in the world can stop fucking time and do what I do with infants who are tryna die. Not even every fucking Deity can do that. Shit, as far as I''ve seen, the only people active when I do that are me and Dommy Mommy Domnu, and unless I ram my hand up her ass and work her like a puppet, I don''t think she''s gonna be saving any dying infants. So yeah, if some poor dumb bitch of a High Priestess has a direct line to her Goddess open, and some grieving parents come up and say, ''our baby is gonna die'', and neither you nor anybody you know has the mojo to fix her? Yeah, when you can literally ask your Goddess to make sure she gets to the right afterlife without any problems, maybe euthanasia is the right fuckin'' move.


    Fuck. Where the fuck is the line? I don''t fuckin'' know. But again, what I do know? Is that there is a line, and looking for it is important if you want shit to be fair. You gotta look for that nuance. You gotta be the best person you can be, and give other people the benefit of the doubt when they aren''t. But you also gotta make sure that when they aren''t, and they fuck shit up, that they are the ones who wind up cleaning up the mess. Or at least that they are part of the clean up crew, if they just wound up epic levels of unlucky.


    This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    Motherfuckers who exploit others for personal gain definitely fall on the far side of that line, though. Ones who get self righteous about doing it because of the origins of the ones they''re exploiting? They''re gonna get extra special attention from me. Or maybe not, maybe I''ll just yeet them to Niflhel or Tartarus. There''s value in having a specialist do a job, y''know?


    So yesterday I had the extremely unpleasant privilege of having my Soul ripped out of me and spread across a couple dozen cubic meters. Then my lovely ladies, my dad, and my son took extensive notes on the curse I''d been whammied with, while cursed me tried not to scream too much. Or whine so much that it disrupted them, because I might be a moron, but I understood that the best chance they had for fixing this bullshit was them figuring out who did it. When they finished, I discovered that having Conrad''s machine suck my soul back into my body, some of it going into the machine itself, stitch me back together along my plethora of handy dandy ''cut here'' scars, then pump my Soul back into me hurt worse than getting flayed and having my Soul ripped out of me in the first place.


    Fortunately, Marie stood behind me with her hand atop my head through the whole procedure. Once the machine had me stitched up it rotated me back around to lie supine, Saffron stepped up and took my left hand, Siobhan stepped up and took my right. I don''t know if they made it hurt less, but just having them there helped me focus on them rather than the agony of having the me stuffed back into me. I lost track of time, but I know at one point Siobhan yawned.


    "Goddess, I''m so sorry!"


    Saffron shook her head, slowly. "Do not apologize for being Mortal, Sister. The fact that you are, yet stand here nonetheless? Is a tribute to your devotion to Tabitha."


    Their fingers interlaced across my belly, and I couldn''t bring myself to ask them to move, even though it hurt like somebody had dropped a hammer on my abs.


    The moment Conrad turned away from the machine''s controls to remove the suction cup from my crotch, Saffron and Siobhan scrabbled at the others, while Marie pulled the cuffs off first my wrists, then my ankles. By the time she finished, and I''m not sure she left them in completely operable condition, the others had the rest of the connections undone, and Marie lifted me gently and strode out of the Workshop. Moments later she lay me in our bed, and before I could really get my bearings, she slipped something into my...


    Tiara in place, I groaned out, "Smite. For the love of all that is holy and good in the world, Smite me until I can''t form words, please."


    My beautiful petite paramours, both light and dark, did exactly as I''d asked. Saffron was a little faster, but they both whapped me with Smites until I lost count. Sweaty Saffron leaned against equally sweaty Siobhan and almost panted, "better, love?"


    I groaned out something and lifted one thumb, which prompted Siobhan to gasp out, "Tabitha!" The feel of mint flowed over me a second later, right before my Ice Pop''s cool face planted itself in my abs.


    Wha?


    "You''ve bled all over the sheets, love."


    Ah, shit. Sorry, Marie.


    "De nada."


    You need to move me or something?


    "No."


    That was good enough for me. I lay there for a bit while Saffron leaned on Siobhan. After a bit Marie pushed her cart in filled with bath supplies.


    Dunno if I can get in the bath, Mittens.


    "Still."


    She spent the next I don''t know how long sponging me clean. Eventually she got to where Siobhan lay snoring, her head still pillowed on my abs, and went to move her. Can it wait?


    She looked at me, one eyebrow going up. Then she nodded and moved past where both my littler ladies lay listlessly snoring and sponged the rest of me clean. When she finished she pushed her cart out, then looked longingly at the bed. Get over here, you adorable fuzzy freak.


    She grinned at me and crawled onto the bed, maid uniform and all. Right about then I stopped hurting enough to feel the sun going down. Ah, shit. What day is it?


    "Saturnday." Then, as the sun slipped below the horizon and the room went dark, "Sunday."


    "Oh. Good. I''mma take a nap now."

 Day Four Hundred And Fifty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    "Everyone gets a chance,


    No matter where they are from,


    A chance to live their own life."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Egalitarianism


    I''m trying to decide how I should do this. Whether I should go hard on the ''everybody''s of equal value before me'' or ''judgement has to be fair, and here''s what I mean by that'', to do one then the other, or to just alternate between the two. I know I ought to be thinking this through, but every time I do I spiral into ''which one is more important'', ''you can''t have one without the other'', ''how do I cram it all in'', and then either my brain goes into a depressive anxious death spiral or I lose myself thinking about a foursome with the boys and Saffron.


    Eh. I think I''m just gonna go with whatever speaks to me each day. I''m gonna go back over this thing at least once before I do a good copy to mass produce, so I might as well just get something on the page every day. I read something about that once, about Sir Terry fuckin'' Pratchett of all people, that he wrote two hundred words a day. Shit, I''m not even aiming that high, but then I''m not looking to write three and a half dozen books encapsulating the pragmatic best of English language philosophy, I''m just tryna put together a pamphlet on how not to be so much of an asshole that you piss me off enough for me to ram your head up your own ass. Which is yet another entendre to add to cramming it all in.


    Yeah, I''m kinda fuckin'' predictable. But it''s a way to get my fuckin'' Endorphins going when nothing else will, and I''ve discovered that when I can keep that balance, when I can avoid letting the Black Dog win, and do so without losing myself to hate and rage, I can maybe do some decent things. Sometimes. I Cured all those people during the plague. I Cured the refugees and Army of Calverton, and did the same to Newark and New Amsterdam as an encore. I set up the whole ''zero combat fatalities'' Liberation of Calverton. Shit, I''m particularly proud of that last one. Not just a major military campaign with no combat fatalities, which is damn near unheard of back in the world of modern medicine and computer assisted planning, but one here and now, with nothing but planning and caution and proper delegation to people who knew what the fuck they were doing.


    Speaking of, I woke up this morning at sunrise. I think it''s actually what woke me, the feeling of the sun cresting the horizon to the east. Still so weird that I could feel that, just an instant before the light leaked in from the other room. I tried to sit up, but my whole front rippled with tiny lines of pain; things head healed superficially, but I still needed more Healing, more time. Fuckin'' Conrad... I took a deep breath, ignoring my body''s, my skin''s complaints. My boy Conrad''s shit worked exactly as designed. Both in the sense that they got to see what they needed to see, in the sense that I left without even any new scars, and let''s get real, he built it out of two fuckin'' torture devices, and I could absolutely confirm that that shit was torturous. Gotta be proud of your kids when they''re good at something, even if it''s something you''d rather they weren''t.


    Shit, maybe somewhere my mom is even proud of me for being able to wreck the fuck out of shit.


    I whispered, "Mittens, you up?"


    "Vlickies." she murmured into my neck.


    "Could you maybe help me sit up a little?"


    She slipped her arm under me, careful not to brush against any of my still not quite re-healed scars, and gently lifted me up just far enough for her to slip behind me, slouching and letting me sit up just enough to see the pair spooned up using my abs and hips as a pillow.


    "They''re so fuckin'' cute I can hardly stand it."


    "Yes."


    We lay there like that for a while, her gently combing my hair with her claws, me running my palms across her legs, reveling on the soft fur on her shins, on her thighs. Eventually something roused my Kitten, and I got to watch as she did her taste test of the world against the back of Siobhan''s neck. Her brow furrowed as her tongue tapped once, twice, three times against Siobhan''s habit. A moment later headdress, dress, and all disappeared, and Saffron nuzzled in to continue her taste testing.


    "Like mother like daughter," I whispered, snickering quietly, because I felt Siobhan stirring against my belly.


    "Yes."


    "Hey, I''ve never disappeared somebody''s clothes... for something that... for that particular reason." She made an absolutely doubtful noise, and I banished her maid''s uniform so I could grab her tail and stroke it. "Oh, hush you," I said through a mouthful of tail as she thwapped me with it.


    Right about then Siobhan sat up, or tried to, as Saffron''s arms kinda pinned her in place. "Oh!"


    "Good morning, Ice Pop." Saffron murmured into the back of Siobhan''s neck.


    Siobhan lay her hands on Saffron''s, interlacing their fingers even as she, seemingly without thinking about it, moved them to cover up her good bits. "I''m, ah, unexpectedly..."


    "Beautiful." interrupted Marie.


    "Hey, that''s not true, Marie. We''ve all known how beautiful she is. Inside and out. If anything was unexpected it''s her sheer level of horniness."


    "Pot. Kettle." Murmured Saffron from where she still hid in Siobhan''s hair.


    I shook my head, "oh, hey, it wasn''t a complaint or anything. It''s like an added bonus prize." I reached down to lay my palm on her cheek. "She''s not just beautiful in every way I can think of, she''s talented, hardworking, and on top of being a perpetually cool living pillow, she''s also a perpetually thirsty living thirst trap." I paused, watching as she tried to hold her breath, but then it caught as my naughty Kitten shifted ever so slightly. "What''s not to love?"


    Her eyes got really big. "Love?" I smiled at her, and she squirmed.


    "Are you telling us you do not love Tabitha?" asked Saffron.


    "Of course I do! I... I mean... I''m sorry, Saffron."


    Siobhan''s worry showed clear on her face as Saffron pulled her face away from the back of Siobhan''s head. Of course, she couldn''t see the broad, slightly wicked smile on Saffron''s face, only hear the stern tone in her voice. "So, do you not love me?"


    "No, I do! I do! I..." She looked at me like she thought one of us was going to bite her.


    "So... is it Marie you don''t love?"


    Siobhan''s face twisted into a confused, considering look. "I''ve... I''m sorry, Marie, I''ve never thought of that before. But," she smiled shyly, "I suppose I do?"


    Marie heaved a sigh, and I patted her tail. "Yeah, I know, Mittens. Always picked last, even though you''re clearly the most valuable player on the team."


    "But I..."


    Saffron''s hand, fingers still interlaced with Siobhan''s, slipped over her mouth. "You''re worried that you''ve overstepped your place." Siobhan nodded. I think she even started to tear up. "What do you think, Marie? Has our tasty little Dan treat overstepped the traditional bounds of a Concubine''s place?"


    "Absolutely."


    "Hmm... I concur. So, Tabitha. As our Goddess, what shall happen to our naughty little Sister of the Academy?"


    Some tiny part of me felt a little guilty. Okay, maybe not entirely tiny, but I absolutely knew what Saffron was about. I stared deep into Siobhan''s eyes, trying to keep my face stern, but probably hitting something closer to bemused. "Siobhan?" I watched as the worried sorrow in her eyes slipped just a touch toward something else. "I gotta say, part of me wants to say we ought to ask Conrad," her eyes popped wide open, and her breath caught. I smiled as other bits reacted just like I thought they would. I waited a few moments while her breath got ragged. "But only because I know exactly how much and why you love to be scared. Ice Pop, I honestly do not give a shit about what''s ''appropriate''. I love you. We love you. Right?"


    "Yes."


    "Of course we do," Saffron huskily whispered across Siobhan''s ear. "I have found that I agree completely with Tabitha''s assessment. Or did you think we did not love Marie, or that we''d asked for her hand in marriage for some reason other than that? In fact, Marie?"


    "Yes?"


    "Do you remember what I said to do to anyone who complained about you overstepping your place as our Concubine?"


    "Gut. Them." Marie growled out.


    "Exactly. Please do so to anyone who makes similar complaints about Siobhan, if you would?"


    "Duh."


    "Siobhan?" I said, to catch her attention.


    A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    "Yes... love?"


    I chuckled a little as I said, "with the understanding that our Kitten might get hella pissed if you overuse that particular phrase, not because she''s upset that it''s true, but because she''s jealous of the word itself? My lips hurt." She made an inquisitive little noise, and I followed that with. "Kiss them better, please?"


    I couldn''t bring myself to blame her for exacerbating some of the healing scars across my front, because her cool skin was an absolute balm against them, like her lips against mine.


    "Now I''m feeling left out."


    Uh, oh. We''re in trouble now, Ice Pop. Marie''s got me on her lap, I''m all immobilized, and you''re pinned.


    Pinned? Siobhan thought, right before I put my arms around her. Oh. Her face, her lips, warmed against mine.


    "Marie? Pillows?" A few moments later Saffron stuffed pillows under my butt, and then I heard a very distinct slap of skin on skin.


    You just love playing around with that thing, don''t you?


    "I have Skills which require its use."


    Require?


    "Well, raising them is certainly easier this way. Besides, you''ve never complained when I use them," here she switched to that awesome little sing song, "to fill you with endorphins."


    A while later, floating on a cloud of endorphins, smiling Siobhan cuddled against me, satiated Saffron draped over top both of us, I managed to wheeze out, "wasn''t. Complaining." Saffron snickered, and I asked, "what?"


    "Ding."


    "Oh, fuck, I''m in danger."


    She snickered again. "Ledger."


    "Wait, wait, wait, what did I do?"


    She grinned, then levered herself up to look at me. "Oh, no, love. I''m just pointing out that, among other things, that''s why I''m working on certain skills." Her voice dropped into a register that made me quiver a little and said, "to make sure you pay and are paid in full, Goof."


    "Oh, shit, I am in danger, aren''t I?"


    She laughed at that, and before long the rest of us were laughing too. Of course, I tried to move Siobhan, I think with the intention to pounce on my Kitten, but then my scars reminded me that they had not, in fact, healed fully. "Ouch. Guys? Little help on the Healing front?"


    Siobhan gasped, looking adorable as she covered her mouth with one hand. "Tabitha! Did we hurt you? Goddess forgive me!"


    Saffron slapped her on the ass and then rolled her off of me, rolling off my other side to kneel over me. "If she was in that much pain, she could have, should have, maybe would have said something. Unless she didn''t want us to Heal her earlier, for reasons I shan''t elaborate?"


    I snorted. "Nah. Just too damn thirsty for you two to wait. Or remember. Endorphins. They''re a hell of a drug."


    "Shall we then, Sister?"


    With that, the two of them wove their hands through one shape, then another, and after the second one brought their hands down on my torso. Mint flowed over me, and my tearing scars went back to their normal aching. Okay, maybe a little more than normal, but not that much. I sat up, scooping the two of them into a hug. "Thanks, ladies. This is more like it." Then Marie scooped us all up and snuggled into my neck. "Aw. Thanks, Mittens. You guys keep this up I''m gonna feel all wanted and stuff."


    Saffron pulled back to shoot me an arch look. "Ladies?"


    "Yes, Saffron?"


    "Tickle her until she cannot breathe."


    I might have had a chance against Saffron and Siobhan, but Marie threw everything totally in their favor. By the time I lay there, no longer able to even gasp, my belly aching more than my scars, not regretting any of it, the sun was approaching its peak. As we all lay there recovering from our mischievous play, I had a thought.


    When I could speak, I said, "it''s been too long since I saw the kids."


    "We... haven''t told them yet, love."


    I nodded. "I know. Karen?"


    "Only that you''d been attacked and needed us."


    I took a deep breath. "Unless there''s some reason not to, there''s no time like the present." When the others shrugged and shook their heads to show me they had no objections, I thought, Karen?


    Yes, My Goddess?


    Could you bring the kids here, please? All six?


    After a moment''s pause, she thought, I... I can but try, Goddess. But...


    If you need to make more than one trip, go ahead. Bring Menace first, Maze can watch the others.


    Ah. Yes. However, where am I to bring them?


    Fuck. I''m always forgetting something. Our suite at the Academy. Marie''s here, if that helps. Worst case you should know your own room well enough, right?


    "I suppose it might have?" she said from the office.


    Only to be absolutely eclipsed by Isnomi, who shouted, "MAMA!" before launching herself at me. As she glomped me, Marie reached her arms out, and Karen walked in to hand Daya over before disappearing again.


    "Hey, Menace! You missed me?"


    "Ith been weekth!"


    I fake glowered down at her. "It has not, in fact, been weeks since I saw you last, you little fibber."


    She counted on her fingers for a moment, mouth moving, then said, "nine dayth. One week ith theven dayth. Mow than one week ith weekth."


    Siobhan looked and sounded crestfallen. "But... I tried. I tried so hard."


    I put one arm around her and gave her a squeeze. "And got so far. It''s okay, Ice Pop. You tried. I saw. Not your fault my Menace is so perceptive."


    Menace grabbed Siobhan''s ears and looked deep in her eyes, nodding. "Yeth. Ith oh tay, Ithe Pop. You twied."


    "Oi! You don''t get to call her that!" I noogied her a little while Karen dropped off Alex and Lindsey.


    "Why not? Thee''th coow."


    I gave her all the side eye, but she just stared innocently at me. Which absolutely set off all of my bullshit detectors, what with my hell spawned Menace not having had a completely innocent thought since she learned to express them in language. "You be polite and respectful to Siobhan, Isnomi Aetos-Diaz."


    At that she looked just a little sheepish and said, "I thowwy, Shawwan."


    Siobhan scooped her into a hug. "That''s quite all right, Isnomi. I just didn''t want you to be scared."


    At that point Maze and David both wandered into the room, with Karen staying in the doorway. "Should I...?"


    I shook my head. "C''mon in, get comfortable, you need to hear this too." I turned to Maze. "So...?"


    She caught on immediately. Quick kid. "Isnomi told us the first morning Siobhan filled in for you during bath time."


    "What did she tell you all?"


    Maze just shrugged. "That Siobhan was filling in for you. We figured you were off dealing with something," her voice dropped down to a whisper, "or that you''d gotten hurt, but none of us wanted to say that."


    I waved, and she climbed up and lay down across from Menace. The other kids scrambled up onto the bed, Karen helping the ones who needed a hand, as Saffron claimed the spot opposite Siobhan. Once they''d all settled, I said, "okay, kids. I''m not gonna lie to you and tell you that nothing bad has happened, but I''m more or less healthy. But there is something you all need to know." I waited until they all seemed to be braced, then said, "you all see the tiara I''m wearing?" They nodded, and I continued. "It''s currently suppressing a curse somebody put on me. Now, the curse doesn''t hurt me or anything like that, but it makes me forget things."


    "What things?" asked Maze.


    I heaved out a sigh. "Everything. All the way back to the day I arrived at the Academy." They all got big eyes at that. Okay, all but Menace, who looked like she wanted to bite somebody. "Now, Mom and Marie have told me about you guys while I was under the curse, so even like that I know about you guys, but I might not recognize you." I thought about my amnesiac self putting herself into Conrad''s machine, and what prompted her. "I might not recognize you, but I definitely still love all of you. You get that?"


    "Who did thith?" Menace hissed.


    "That is what your brother is working to find out, and what I will be very upset if I find out you tried to interfere with."


    Maze tilted her head, the horse ears on her onesie flopping. "Brother?"


    I sighed. "Karen? Could you ask Conrad to come in here for a moment?"


    She shuddered, but gotta give her credit for bravery, she stood up and went into the office. A few moments later, Conrad followed her back into the room. "You had need of me, Mother?"


    I nodded to each of the kids in turn. "Maze, Alex, Lindsey, David, Daya, this is your brother, Conrad. Conrad, these are your little sisters."


    I paused, and before I continued, he sighed and said, "it''s a pleasure to meet you young ladies."


    Isnomi surreptitiously poked Maze, who jerked before saying, "it''s a pleasure to meet you, sir." The others echoed her, even if David and Daya both half whispered.


    "Now, your brother is a very busy man, so please do not bother him except in the direst of emergencies, and only if there''s no one else available." When they all nodded solemnly, and Conrad inclined his head incrementally, just enough to let me know he appreciated my attempt to protect his privacy and even his dubious sanity. "But if you are in trouble, in danger, or if he comes to collect you, you can trust him completely. He may be a little..." I balked, not even able to lie that much to my kids. "He may be a lot scary, but he''s your brother, and he''ll keep you safe."


    He nodded, meeting each of their eyes in turn. "I will."


    "Thanks, son. While they''re here I wanted the kids to meet you. Unless you wanted to stay for some family time?"


    He hid his shudder almost completely, masking it with a perfect rueful shake of his head. "Apologies, Mother Dearest, but I''m making progress on that project for you, not to mention a few other things I must oversee."


    I nodded to him. "I understand. Maybe next time. Thank you for taking the time to meet your sisters."


    "Of course! It''s good to finally place faces to their names. If that''s all you needed?" I nodded again, and he left, closing the door behind him.


    "Papa?"


    "Yeah?"


    "How is he your son when he''s older than you?"


    Before I could even begin to come up with an explanation, Menace chimed in with, "mama''th jutht coow wike that."


    I couldn''t help it, I snorted, snickered, then just laughed. I might have winced a little when my guts clenched after laughing too much, but the kids joining in, whether out of a need to banish the brief terror that had entered the room, or out of the infectious giggles coming out of Menace and Maze, made everything worthwhile. When it all died down, I asked, "hey, I''m not up for moving around much, but... would you guys like me to read you a story?"


    That got a rousing round of yesses, so I turned to Maze and murmured in her ear. She nodded and took off like a shot. A few moments later she came back from the office, reverently carrying one of the most worn books from the little personal library of self-help books and non-erotic novels I''d kept in the suite. She handed it to me, and I let Siobhan take Menace and Saffron take Maze in order to gently open the book to start reading.


    "Small Gods, by Terry Pratchett."


    I think I might read a little quicker than Maze. Probably not the best thing for an audience, but the kids sat there, rapt, though the whole thing. As the sun moved past the horizon and I folded the book closed. "And now, girls, I think it''s about time for you to be getting to bed."


    "Oh tay," said Menace, who promptly flopped over on her side and started fake snoring.


    "I meant back at Lancaster House, you miscreant."


    Maze lay a hand on mine where I still held the book. "Will you come back with us?"


    "I... I can''t while I''m wearing this."


    "Then can we stay here tonight?"


    I sat there, silently arguing with myself, until Marie pushed her cart through the door with a huge tray atop it. I rolled my eyes, nodded toward the office, and said, "on the floor in there. More room." As the kids cheered, I looked at Karen and said, "can you let the folks at Lancaster House know?"


    She nodded. Then, as she turned to step away, paused and said, "Goddess, a question?" When I nodded to let her know I was listening, she asked, "was it your intention to read me a book where the... hero, a ''prophet'', a High Priest, really, bullies his God about so much?"


    I nodded, sucking my teeth. "Yeah. Well. You see, you, Karen, are probably the second smartest woman I know after my wife. Brilliant, really. You''d have had that Mana Ward cored Mana Blade way sooner if you''d had the kind of Mana you have access to now. Those look cool as shit, by the way."


    "Thank you? But... what does that have to do with..."


    Saffron, barely containing her giggles, interrupted. "What my lovely Goof is trying to tell you, Highest Priestess, is that your Goddess, for all her virtues, is, with hilarious frequency..."


    Karen waited a moment, then said, "yes?"


    "A complete idiot."

 Day Four Hundred And Fifty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    "Understanding Equity,


    Is key to understanding,


    Egalitarianism."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Egalitarianism


    I''ve been trying to remember that word for like three damn days now. Equity. If Equality is the idea that we''re all the same, which is cool if you mean ''we all should be valued and given dignity'', but is just obvious bullshit if you mean ''we''re all the same'', and Egalitarianism is that idea about equal value and treatment by the powers that be, then Equity is the idea that in order to have equal chances in the world, or at least making sure everybody has some arbitrary minimum ''chance'', means giving different people different things, because different people have different needs.


    Like, there is just about no Human or Human-Adjacent place where Marie or any other Maenad is gonna need a stepstool. On the other hand, I might need one for high shelves, and Saffron is gonna need a fuckin'' ladder. If we''re gonna have the same chance to make something decent in the kitchen, Saffron''s gonna need that ladder available, and I''m gonna need that stepstool. I guess Marie and I might need kneepads, too, for getting into the cabinets down near the floor. Yeah, maybe I''m stretching the analogy a little, but it illustrates my point pretty good. Now I just gotta find a way to make that into sound bytes and poetry and shit.


    Of course, the next step I remember would be ''removing systematic barriers'', but honestly? That''s kinda my job in the here and now. Y''know, what with most of the systematic barriers being asshats with power. And me being really good at either removing people''s heads from their asses metaphorically, or removing their heads literally and shoving them up their own asses. Not something I''m super proud of in the one instance where I literally did that, but if I''d shoved Oliver and Octavio''s heads up each other''s asses? I think I could live a guilt free life knowing I did that, because both of them were different flavors of exploitative evil jackass.


    So last night the kids stayed with us at the Academy suite, all of us bundled up on Marie''s floor bed. I woke up before dawn with the beginnings of a headache, not something I really remember experiencing since I got to the here and now.


    "Marie?"


    "Yes?"


    "Could you maybe get me some water?" She didn''t reply, but a few moments later she leaned over me with a full stein. "Thanks, Mittens."


    "Welcome."


    Doing my best not to disturb the kids, I stretched, but everything still felt tight. Achy, almost. So after quietly cooing over Daya and David, who''d snuggled in with Isnomi on her toddler bed, I lay back down and snuggled up with Marie to wait for everybody else to get up. Of course, when they did I wound up getting an unpleasant surprise.


    "Everyone join hands please," Saffron announced. Then she looked at me. "Sorry, love, but we''ve only the one chamber pot, and the children have gotten into some habits."


    "Oh, hey, no worries. Can you maybe come back when they''re done?"


    A few moments later, the kids vanished, and Saffron smiled up at me where I was still pulling on one of my casual blouses. "Or I can just stay while I take them. Goof." She pulled herself up with her arms around my neck and gave me a kiss, then dropped back down to the ground. "Of course, while I''d love to spend the day lazing about with you, I really do need to get back to the Grand Council, Siobhan has paperwork to catch up on after yesterday, and you, my love, need to visit your father."


    "Uh..." I tapped my tiara. "Little problem there."


    She nodded. "I know, love. But while Conrad''s device gave us invaluable information regarding the curse, I''m afraid it damaged you far past what any amount of Smiting is going to fix." I slumped a bit. "Oh, love. Don''t fret. I''ve some ideas on how to make your curse less onerous; not least of which will be returning you to Lancaster House once Loki has done what he can with your Soul."


    I smiled sadly at that. "Yeah, I miss bath time." I shook my head. "Never thought I''d say that." Then I smirked at her. "Kinda miss my birthday present too."


    She smirked right back at me. "Don''t worry, love. We all miss our private time there."


    I scooped up both Saffron and Siobhan, ignoring how it made my scars pull at me, and spun them around so I could glomp Marie as well. "Don''t tell me you guys have been letting it get all musty from lack of use?" When they all looked at me with varying degrees of astonishment, I rolled my eyes. "I decided. Jealousy is stupid. Just because I can''t play with my toys at the moment doesn''t mean you guys shouldn''t."


    Siobhan looked Saffron in the eye and said, "that settles it. We simply must find a way." Saffron nodded.


    Marie intoned, "Agreed."


    "How are you gonna do that, though? I mean, look, I''m serious about the jealousy thing." I took a deep breath, because while my brain said jealousy was stupid, and my heart kinda agreed, I wasn''t sure my lady bits were gonna be on board. "Being jealous is stupid, and being jealous of myself is even stupider."


    Saffron reached up to touch my face. "Are you sure, love?" I nodded, and she turned to Siobhan. "I''ll need you to let me know when the next staff meeting is, and distract the Marshall when it happens."


    Siobhan frowned. "How distracted do you need him?"


    Saffron laughed. "Nothing like that, silly Ice Pop. Just engage him in conversation on some topic he needs to think about."


    "Okay, so I''m guessing you guys need to be about your days?"


    "Not quite yet." Saffron pulled me down into a kiss. When she''d finished with me, she turned me to Siobhan, who did the same. Finally she nodded to Marie, who staged an absolute tongue invasion of my...


    Suddenly becoming aware with a seven foot tall blonde''s tongue seven inches down my throat was a new experience for me. On one hand, I''m not sure how hyperbolic that tongue statement is. On the other hand, I''m absolutely sure I do not give a fuck about that, because Marie knew how to put her tongue to good use. When she pulled away, she handed what looked like a dull tiara to Saffron. "Good..." I looked over my shoulder to see the sun peeking over the horizon. Don''t ask me how I knew the window faced east, because I could not tell you, but I knew it did. "Morning, ladies?"


    "Good Morning, Tabitha," said Siobhan, frowning just the tiniest bit. "Although I''m afraid I really do need to get down to the Infirmary and catch up on my paperwork." With that she stood on tiptoe to kiss me, then left via the door in the bedroom.


    As she walked through I saw what looked like a hotel or dormitory hallway, only in the same dark gray stone that made up the ceiling and top half of the walls in our little suite of rooms. When I turned to look at where Saffron had walked over to settle into her desk with a sigh, I noticed the closed armoire and shuddered. "So, what''s going on today?"


    Saffron looked up at me with a sad frown. "Siobhan is returning to her duties in the Infirmary, as she said. I''ll be managing the Grand Council meeting and working on my research here when I get a break."


    I turned to move toward her, only to have Marie curl me into her arms. Little bit surprising, but after the past week it would be laughable to put getting a surprise hug on the ''bad thing'' roster. "Cool. Whatcha researching? Can I help?"


    She turned a smile just as sad as her frown to me. "I''m working on a portion of the Shape for the new Inspect which I think will also be useful for an improved version of my Assess Health." Then she sighed. "And I''m afraid not, love. You''ll be going to your father''s today."


    I shrugged. "Any particular reason? I''m not in the doghouse for something, am I?"


    She shook her head, her smile getting a little less sad. "No. Not at all, love. You''ve," she paused, sighed, then stood and walked over to lean against me, the side of her face against my breast. "I know you don''t remember, but the past day or so has been wonderful."


    I frowned, definitely feeling some kinda way. "So, what, I''m the not wonderful part?"


    Now she frowned up at me. "No!" She stopped herself, then pulled the hug tighter, as did Marie from behind. "No, love. But there are so many little ways that you''ve become woven into our daily lives." She let out a little chuckle. "For at least a few weeks you''ve spent the day letting me sit in your lap here in the office while I worked on my research."


    My jaw dropped a little. "So... uh... not that I''d be totally upset, maybe just a little weirded out, but am I, like, a trophy wife or something?"


    Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.


    My whole body ached just a little, and I did not care, because the source of the ache was the vibrations as both Marie and Saffron laughed. "No. Oh, no, love. If anything, we are all your trophies, won on the field of battle time and again."


    "Battle?"


    She nodded. "You... That''s where you got almost all of those scars."


    "Yeah. Yeah, that kinda tracks. I must be really shitty at ducking."


    She snorted. "Oh, I think it has less to do with that and more to do with fighting two armies at once."


    "What? How was I in two armies at once? Like," I paused as she stared up at me. "You meant exactly what you said." She nodded. "I mean, these are like little medieval fantasy armies, like a couple hundred guys? Yeah, I can see how I got my ass kicked doing something that dumb."


    I did not expect her to slowly crumble to thump her ass on the toddler bed while she slowly dissolved into laughter. Eventually she calmed down enough to speak. Meanwhile Marie kept me from feeling some kind of way through the simple tactic of letting me know with her hands that while I had a blouse on, I''d apparently forgotten panties. "Okay, like, what brought that on?"


    "Love, the last time I can remember you losing a fight was sparring in the Practice Yard." She smirked. "To me, in fact."


    "Yeah, that tracks. Little ones are always meaner."


    She snorted, then shook her head. "Our trainer, your mentor, the Marshall of Phileo, William DuBois, has described you as ''the single most powerful military force in Atlantis''. I suspect if he knew the truth, he''d lose that final qualification."


    "Atlantis? Really?"


    She tilted her head. "What else would you call the continent on the far side of the Atlantic from Europa?"


    I shrugged. "America?"


    She mouthed the word, scrunching up her nose like it tasted bad. "That''s an awful name. Was it named for someone? The explorer who discovered it, perhaps?"


    I smiled. "Nah. Dude who made an early map of it. He straight up put his name on the continent, and it stuck." Gotta love a good con, especially when it doesn''t really get the con artist shit except notoriety.


    She snerked at me, muttered, "that would amuse you, wouldn''t it?" Then she shook her head and said, "be that as it may, no, you did not ''get your ass kicked'' by a few hundred troops. You fought against two armies, each of over ten thousand men, plus hundreds of Heroes in each army. Minutes after you engaged them, ten thousand troops lay dead, both armies routed, and perhaps two dozen Heroes surrendered with their Souls intact."


    I barked out a laugh, one that died in my throat as I realized she wasn''t smiling. Not, like, in a joking way. If anything, she had a melancholy frown as she reached up and took my hands. "How..." I stared at my own hands, half expecting them to have ground in blood or some shit like that. "When?"


    She looked up, her frown replaced with an equally melancholy smile. "Just before last Yule. We, and by we I mean Phileo and Camden Yards, were at war with Newark and New Amsterdam. The Marshall, General Lancaster, Hero Potami and I were waiting to speak with their diplomats under flag of truce outside the walls of Newark." She took a deep breath. "The ''Damn leadership betrayed us. They dropped a chunk of rock bigger than this room onto the tent we waited in. You," she looked up at me. "You thought I was dead. You flew into a rage, and... ''neutralized'' the combined armed forces of Newark and New Amsterdam. Both the army that waited in Newark and the one that had marched on Camden Yards. You crushed them. Shattered them." She snorted. "That''s part of why we can''t just send the entire Army back to their normal lives, you realize?"


    "What, are we still occupying them?"


    She shook her head. "No. And we have you to thank for that. No, love, our four Cities, Phileo, Camden Yards, Newark, and New Amsterdam, became the core of the Alliance at your suggestion." She smiled up at me again, this time without that melancholy. "You thought I was dead, and crushed the ones you thought killed me like vipers under your heel. Then, when you realized I was alive..." She stood, once more laying her head on my breast. "You gave me the world."


    "Wait, the Alliance covers the whole fuckin'' world?"


    She barked out a laugh, then looked up at me again. "What''s that phrase you used once? ''Some assembly required''. Before that day, my world was always a few people and a few rooms." She snorted out a laugh. "The important parts still are, I guess, but... my world now?" She looked up at me, but she wasn''t seeing me. Or not just me. "The horizons of my world are as far as I can push them. All because you had faith in me."


    "''Course I do." When she raised an eyebrow, I shrugged. "No reason for me to trust you. Not really. But I do. Can''t call that anything but faith. Can''t say I''ve been disappointed yet."


    She had to hop up a little to kiss me, but after doing so she dropped to the floor and pushed away, headed for her desk. "Well then, I''d best be about those tasks to which you''ve set me. You, however, need to go visit your father. I know of no one better for attending to injuries of the Soul."


    "My Soul is injured?"


    "Don''t tell me you''ve forgotten Conrad''s machine."


    I shuddered. "Nope. Not forgetting that. I... I kinda hoped that was safe?"


    She shook her head. "I''m sure it was as safe as he could make it. You''ve suffered no irreversible mischiefs, but you''ll need treatment for most of the pain to go away."


    I rolled my shoulders and realized what she meant immediately. "Most?"


    "From what you''ve told me in the past, your scars rarely are entirely pain free."


    I heaved a sigh. "Well. Shit. That kinda sucks. Still..." I pulled Marie''s arms around me, then looked Saffron right in the eye. "Worth."


    She smiled, then waved Marie and I off. Marie tugged at me, and between one moment and the next we stood in a cave. A kind of homey cave, with a table, and a hearth, and a big stone bed with a big fuckin'' snake curled up near the head of it, and a literal giant sitting on the foot of the bed, his elbows leaning on the table as he paged through a tome.


    None of that mattered.


    "M... Mom?"


    I don''t remember moving from one end of the cave to the other. I think I might have bonked the back of her head into the wall of the cave. I definitely cracked my knuckles on the wall behind her as my arms went around her, forcing her back a step as I slammed into her at a sprint. I couldn''t think. Couldn''t breathe. All I could do was blurt out endless repetitions of "Mommy!" and cry. She was taller than me. The last time I''d seen her, body ruined by decades of overwork and a decade long fight with cancer, she''d been shorter than me, not to mention thin and wasted. But this was the Mommy I remembered from my childhood. Taller than me, and all softness where her arms went around me, holding me and crooning to me as I cried. Holding me with muscles under that softness, muscles I knew must have been there, because you don''t do physical labor sixteen hours a day without putting some muscle on, but...


    I snorted out a laugh as someone, probably the giant dude, picked us both up and gently set us in his lap, arms around us. "What do you find funny, daughter?"


    Still sobbing, hiccupping, I managed to force out. "Reminded me of Saffron. Guess I did wind up marrying my mother."


    She looked down at me, stroking my hair. "In some ways we always do."


    "Oh, I''m your father now, too?" I realized right then that somehow this twenty foot tall dude was also Loki. Which... fuck, Loki. Isekai. This was actual Loki, like heir to the throne of the frost giants and shit.


    "Not really, daughter. Oh, I''m sure I could make a play for that, but I long ago chose not to. My father''s people are unpleasant at the best of times."


    "Shit, can you read my mind?"


    He shrugged. "Along with being my daughter, you are also my High Priestess." We can, indeed, see each other''s thoughts, should we choose to.


    Without thinking about it, I tried to tell what he was thinking about. I got a really, uh, explicit picture of Mom and him. "DAD!"


    "I didn''t say you ought to do so, only that you could, daughter."


    I turned back to my Mom. "But... how? Fuck, never mind, I don''t care how. You''re here."


    She stroked my hair, gently humming to me. "Tell her, my husband."


    "Tell me what?"


    Loki sighed, stroking my hair with two fingers, following Mom''s hand. "You are aware that you have been cursed?"


    "Yeah. I can''t remember anything past being shot. I mean, other than bits and pieces of the last couple days."


    He nodded. "That is the bulk of it, but not all of it. The rest..." He waited until I nodded. "You see some people different to who they truly are. From what Saffron tells me, you saw the Trolls in Calverton as Human soldiers."


    "Trolls? Really?"


    "Yes."


    "And I missed them? Fuck. That sucks."


    He tilted his head. "I think that is the first time I''ve heard someone disappointed that they did not in fact see a Troll. At any rate, Maenads are another group you see as other than they are."


    I turned to Marie, and she nodded at me. She looked absolutely adorable in her Maid costume, and I waved her over. She stepped forward almost shyly, until Mom reached out and pulled her into our little family embrace. "You think the Goddess of Marital Devotion would not know about your engagement to my own daughter, Maenad Marie?"


    Marie just blushed. So adorable. "Wait, so... what do Maenads look like?"


    "You are familiar with the great cat known as a tiger?" Loki asked.


    "Duh. Yeah. Philly Zoo has a big old bastard of a tiger. He''s, like..." I trailed off, not really wanting to go into how visitors had to have umbrellas or rain gear because of the tiger''s habit of projectile ejaculation out of his cage onto the audiences coming to see him. "Really big," I finished lamely.


    Loki laughed. "Yes. Well. I believe I have heard you refer to Maenads as ''Tigers who woke up and chose bipedalism."


    "Wow. Tigress?" She nodded. "Do you have, like, fangs and claws and shit?" She waggled her long fingernails at me, then pushed the collar of my shirt back. Twisting my head, I saw four big circular scars. "Fuck. Did I piss you off or something?"


    She pouted at me, then shot me a mischievous smile and said, "Hickey."


    "Wow. Oh, holy shit wow. Tell me that shit happened while we were bangin''?" She nodded. "Sweet!"


    Loki shook his huge head. "This one would fit in well in the Valhal, would she not?"


    Mom shook her head. "No, husband. Her humor, her bearing, is just as crude as theirs, but," she ruffled my hair and gave me a kiss on the forehead. "Never cruel. Never hurtful to those who would be her friends." She leaned back far enough to look at me. "I''m so proud to call you daughter, Tabitha Diaz."


    Something gripped at my guts. "Call? Call me daughter?"


    She sighed and nodded. "Yes, daughter of my heart. Just as Loki, Elder God of Hearth and Home, Trickster of the North, Jotnar Prince, has adopted you as his own, so have I, Sigyn Solsdotter, Goddess of Marital Devotion."


    "You make up new Titles for me, yet forget my favorite, bestowed by your own chosen daughter."


    "Oh? What Title is this, that I''m only now hearing of?"


    He nodded. "In the tradition of Bearer of the Golden Ewer? She has dubbed you Bearer of Dat Ass."


    "DAD!" I squealed, as Mom... Sigyn... Fuck. I teared up, even through my laughter. I collapsed into her. "Mommy." I sobbed into her chest, leaving tears and snot all over her blouse, alternating between sobbing out, "Mommy," and, "Sorry."


    She just stroked my hair. "Never you mind that, daughter. I may not be the woman who birthed you. I may not be the one you remember. But I will stand in her stead as long as you''ll allow me to do so."


    I... I broke down. I stopped thinking, stopped caring. The part of me that knew this wasn''t my Mom took several fuckin'' seats as I clutched at her, crying my eyes out, while she held me, soft and gentle yet oh, so strong.


    Somewhere above me I vaguely heard Loki say, "Marie, please let Tabitha''s wife know she may be here longer than planned."

 Day Four Hundred And Fifty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    "Equity gives a fair shot,


    To everyone who tries,


    To employ their Agency."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Egalitarianism


    Yeah, I dunno. I get the whole free verse meter focused thing, and I guess I can hum along with what I wrote, but I kinda feel like I''m just spouting drivel sometimes. Like, not lying, or making fun of anything, but just cramming ideas into a particular poetic format, trying to keep them to sound bites. Which is a thing in and of itself, I guess. Back home most religious folks didn''t seem to pay a whole lot of attention to their own holy books. Like, they''d know some quotes, yeah, but half the time they either got them wrong, totally misapplied them, or showed a weird preference for odd precedence.


    Like the ''not lying with men like you lie with women'' one, which originally translated to ''boys'', not ''men''. Nothing to do with Gay people, everything to do with Pedophiles. But at some point I guess the Church decided they needed a rule against being Gay more than they needed a rule about not touching altar boys. Same thing with the ''suffer not a witch to live''. Original text referred to people who poisoned common wells, which is just fuckin'' common sense, especially when you live in a fuckin'' desert, or even just someplace kinda arid. But I guess King Jimmy needed to pay some bills, and old women without husbands or families are usually easy pickings for a dude with a weapon and a badge. And I''m not a fuckin'' Bible scholar or anything, just a dumb chick who studied some mythology, but even I remember the whole ''do unto others as you''d have them do unto you'', and how JC himself said that one liner summed up ''all the law and the prophets''. Like, dude, why are you so hung up on Leviticus when JC''s saying ''look, dumbass, I made it simple, one rule. One. Fuckin''. Rule''.


    Okay, yeah, I don''t think he ever called anybody a dumbass. But I sure as fuck am gonna. I swear, if Future Me keeps dropping the writing of this shit in my lap, I''m gonna work ''thou shalt not be a dumbass'' in there somewhere. Fuck, no, I can''t, because I''m something of a dumbass myself, and I really don''t think that''s changed, what with my loving wife''s favorite pet name for me being ''Goof''. ''Thou shalt not be an asshole''? Nah, I''m an asshole sometimes too. Maybe ''thou shalt not be an asshat''. Like, yeah, I know I suffer from that condition myself on occasion, ain''t nobody doesn''t. But if you find your viewpoint entirely eclipsed by colon, it''s time to start that whole extraction process.


    Speaking of an extraction process, that''s basically what Loki wound up having to do eventually. I''ve got no fuckin'' clue how long I sat there clinging to Mom... to Sigyn. Fuck it. She looks like my mom at least to me. In my head I know that she''s not technically in possession of the hoo hah I slid out of originally, but she looks like Mom, sounds like Mom, feels like Mom, acts like... like my Mommy. I think she gets a little warm fuzzy thrill every time I called her Mom, too. So I was in no fuckin'' hurry to leave her lap. But eventually Loki cleared his throat, and Mom said, "we can absolutely stay like this as long a you like, mija, but your father cannot help with the harm done to your Soul while we''re sitting here."


    I sniffled a little bit to clear my nose and said, "will it hurt?"


    I think Loki started to say something, but Mom said, "not that I can tell. Perhaps some discomfort, like a thorough massage. But other than that?"


    "You''re generally sore for some portion of the following day. To the point of preferring to lie motionless until your Soul finishes healing itself properly. But after that natural healing is finished, you should be as pain free as you were prior to... Conrad''s device." He sounded really pissed about that, but not, like, thoughtlessly angry, and not entirely at... Conrad.


    "So, like, you knead me like dough, I lie there for a day rising, and I''m good to go?"


    He chuckled. "Always food with you. That''s about the size of it though."


    I nodded, but didn''t let go of Mom. "Can I stay like this after?"


    Loki looked over at Marie, who''d stayed with us the whole time. "Unless your ladies need you, I don''t see why not?"


    "Nightfall." Marie intoned.


    Loki nodded. "So, do you want me to be as slow and careful as I can, to avoid discomfort, or as quick as I can safely be, to allow you more time like this?"


    I sniffled, but some hell spawned impulse grabbed my tongue and I said, "do me quick and dirty, Daddy!"


    "Tabitha!" Mom stood up, slapped me on the ass in a kind of desultory one spank punishment, then lifted me to lie on the table in front of Loki. Immediately after which she stole my blouse, which just so happened to be the only article of clothing I''d remembered to put on this morning.


    Dad wasn''t weird or pervy about it, though, he just rolled me prone and went to work on my back. I don''t know how long he worked on me like that, but he started on my shoulders, moved up to my neck and then scalp, then worked his way all the way down to my heels, spending a while on the soles of my feet. Somehow he managed that without tickling, then worked his way back up to my lower back. He finished that up with what felt like the press of one massive thumb right into my lower back, which crackled and left me blissful.


    Then he flipped me over and did the same thing on my front. Weird as fuck; I''d had dudes ''massage'' my tits before. Always code for copping a feel. Fondling, if they were any good at it. Don''t get me wrong, I''m all for a good fondling, but it would have been weird if Dad did it. But he managed to actually massage them without, y''know, making it more than vaguely titillating. I think it may have been how he used the backs of his hands, his forearms, and even at one point his fists. But he worked his way from my belly up to the crown of my head, taking time to work on my chin, my jaw, my cheeks and nose, then working my temples and scalp before working his way from my crown down to the soles of my feet again.


    Kinda weird, as he went south of my Mason-Dixon line, he paused a moment at my hips, nodded Marie over to him, and whispered something to her. She nodded, and he move on down to my thighs. Fuck it, by that point I think if he and Marie had said she was gonna behead me and would be back for my body later? I''d have just nodded and said ''sure''. Part of that was the absolute trust I felt in Marie, but another big part was the absolute relaxation that had washed over me by that point.


    After he worked his way back to my belly, Mom bent over me, Marie lifted my shoulders enough for Mom to slide her arms under me, and then Marie shifted my arms over Mom''s shoulders. Working together they lifted me up as Mom stood, then settled back down in Loki''s lap. So weird, my Mom being married to an actual Norse god and shit. Never really pictured my mom as a size queen or anything. A moment after she settled with me draped over her front like a blanket, I heard Marie make an inquisitive noise. Mom laughed and said, "come here, ''Mittens''."


    Marie growled a little, but a moment later draped herself over me, laying her head on my scarred shoulder, her arms lying over mine, her hands twisting around oddly to interlace her fingers through mine.


    We sat there like that for a while. For moments. For minutes. For hours. Forever.


    Then Marie sighed. "Nightfall."


    Mom asked, "you have need of her?"


    Marie almost sounded shy when she whispered, "want?"


    Mom chuckled, then said, "go on, just be careful with her."


    "Duh." Before Mom or Loki could reply, Marie shifted backward, and the two of us rolled into a bed.


    Okay, I think it was a bed. The lights were so low I could barely make anything out. Ceiling. Maybe some shelves... bookshelves maybe, up near the head of the bed. I couldn''t hear any kitchen sounds, but the place smelled like a bakery. Like, the word would be ''reeked'', except it smelled really, really good. Spices with just a hint of savor to them somewhere. "Where are we?"


    "Lights. Three." Some neat little lamps near the ceiling slid open, and I realized that the ceiling above me was a mosaic of mirrors. In the biggest ones I saw another mirror in the center of the head of the bed, surrounded by bookshelves loaded with paperbacks. I could just make out another mirrored wall past my feet with some kind of low reclining couch up against it. I also noticed a complete lack of something else.


    This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.


    "Where''s my blouse? Uh... where''s your uniform? What if somebody walks in?" I wasn''t really concerned, per se, because ''concern'' felt like way too much effort at the moment, but the place had the feel of a public space, like a library or something.


    "How?"


    That''s when I noticed that there were no doors in the room. "Holy shit, you can teleport?" The moment I said it, I felt really stupid. I guess some part of me thought I''d just lost the memory of going from place to place. Then she dropped another bombshell on me.


    "We."


    "We can teleport? Like, I can teleport?" She nodded, and I lay there just thinking about that for a minute, looking at the scars running across my body, looking at Marie''s perfect pale skin, her straight platinum hair, her long white nails tracing their way across my belly. "Uh. Marie? What did Loki whisper to you about?"


    "This." She then proceeded to massage all the places Loki hadn''t. I''d say ''while I watched in the mirror'', but while her fingers massaged down south, her tongue did the same to my mouth. I got glimpses of the room, because she slowly, gently, moved her mouth around mine, but never more than glimpses. Sadge, because I found myself absolutely intrigued by her long, pale limbs against the tan of my skin. Of course, the weirdest part had to be the fact that while holy shit yes this was absolutely sexual, it was also absolutely a fuckin'' massage. Like, literally on both counts. Okay, that''s not quite true. The ''sexual'' part about it wasn''t fucking. Not even close. I''m intimately familiar, pun intended, with the general cycle of sex. Little bit of interest, some physical reaction, more interest, reaction gets pointed, much like my nips, some fondling and groping, stuff gets varying forms of damp, direct stimulation ramps everything up in a whole cyclic increase of intensity, then BAM! Orgasm! Followed by a swan dive crash from the heights of ecstasy to the deep waters of post-coital bliss.


    This shit, and just to be clear this awesome yet fucked up shit Marie did to me, somehow bypassed all that cyclic ramp up, all that increasing tension, and just kind of annexed post-coital bliss to the general bliss I''d been feeling when we arrived.


    Speaking of arrivals, not long after I''d decided that my ultimate fate was to lie here for eternity in a state of nirvana maintained by my very own albino power forward, Siobhan and Saffron arrived, wearing white robes and a stunning black dress respectively. Saffron chuckled and said, "started without us, I see?"


    Marie pulled away from my face with the Platonic Ideal of a shit eating grin on her face. "Therapy."


    Siobhan, suddenly naked and nearly as pale as Marie, clambered onto the bed, crawling up to lie on the far side of me from Marie. "Oh, if this is therapy, as her Healer of record, I must insist you allow me to assist." I noticed she didn''t quite touch me though; just snuggled in close, then lowered her hand to hover, palm down, just above my belly.


    "Tabitha? Shall we?"


    "Wha... Wha''re you wai''in'' for?" I just could not come up with the fucks to make my mouth move properly. Maybe this was bliss overload, maybe I was drugged or something, but fuck it, if my tombstone read ''merked by sexy ladies doing sexy things just how she wanted'', I would auto-resurrect just long enough to sign that bitch just so nobody would argue with it.


    "Permission?" I realized just then that Marie''s hand had stopped moving. All three of them waited, patiently, while I managed to spin up enough clock cycles to make my mouth go.


    "Yes."


    "Yes, we have permission? To do what, exactly?" Saffron smiled at me. I saw it in the mirrors, and an entirely different kind of warm fuzzy feeling washed over my utter sense of bliss.


    "Yes," I breathed, the ghost of laughter coloring my voice.


    Saffron''s smile slipped into a dark, sultry grin, and she crawled onto the bed straight toward me, everything but garter, stockings and boots gone. "So... I... we can do anything I... we want to you?"


    I almost lost the thread of the conversation watching her ass as she crawled. Humor misted through the bliss when Marie rolled her eyes and said, "Greedy."


    "Absolutely. Tabitha?"


    "Yes?"


    "May we?"


    Three guesses what I said next, and the first two don''t count. "Yes."


    "Lights. Zero." The lights slid down as all three of them slid into motion. I closed my eyes. If I couldn''t trust these three, I was fucked in a bad way anyhow.


    It was absolutely not a bad way. If normal sex is, I dunno, a bliss power washer, and some of the wacky shit I''d done in the past few days were tidal bores and tsunamis? This was slowly, gently sinking into the fuckin'' Marianas Trench of bliss. A whole fuckin'' Pacific Ocean of bliss. I''m not even sure that it counted as ''sex'', really. In the end, I had only one word that fit.


    Blissful.


    I woke to an entirely different kind of bliss. I still wasn''t really feeling the need to move, and an aborted attempt to raise my head a little let me know that my body was not in the mood for anything more adventurous than ''breathing'' and maybe ''moving my eyeballs''. Blinking was okay, but not too often.


    Didn''t matter. Didn''t need my ears to hear the absolute roomful of quiet snores around me. Little kid sized bodies snuggled up to my sides, Siobhan and Saffron sized heads resting on my biceps with my arms draped along their backs. Somebody heavy as shit curled up on my legs. All of us naked, but it had that feel of a hot August night sleepover, where nobody had any kind of naughty intent, just no desire to fuck with clothes in any fashion while we slept.


    Don''t know how long I lay there, but eventually one of the kids next to me stirred. A little while later, a cry of, "MAMA!" split the air, and a toddler glomped my face, eyeballs almost touching mine as she squealed with glee.


    A few moments later Siobhan sat up on my other side, looking around and blinking as Marie reached one long arm up and palmed the toddler trying to see into my brain, lifting her, turning her around, and affectionately muttering, "Scamp."


    "BAFF TIME WIF MAMA!" crowed the little kid.


    "No." declared Marie.


    "YETH!" countered the toddler.


    "Isnomi?" muttered a lanky girl in a pony onesie, who''d sat up between Siobhan and I.


    "Yeth, Mayth?"


    "If you don''t stop shouting, I am going to drown you."


    Isnomi somehow managed to snicker and blow a raspberry at the same time. Marie booped her nose with one finger and said, "Scamp." This time the tone held a bit more warning, and Isnomi sagged.


    "Tabitha is recovering, children. I expect by this evening she''ll be ready to help with bedtime, but for now you''ll need to be gentle with her."


    With that, the pony girl leaned over and hugged me gently. "It''s good to have you back, papa." Before I could react to that, she scrambled up and headed off, at a guess to the bathroom. Over the next few moments, as Saffron finally sat up and stretched, another four kids took turns giving me hugs, everything from a fierce snuggle by the second tallest one to a kind of cursory squeeze the blonde girl after her. Finally Marie released Isnomi, who scampered over and glomped my face again, staring into my eyes from almost eyeball-touching distance and saying, "you retht, Mama. Ah gat dis."


    She scampered off, and Saffron leaned over to collect a quick kiss. "Mmm... you smell heavenly. Marie, could you lift her onto the bed? Love, do you mind playing backrest for Maze while she reads to everyone today?"


    I tried to shrug, but my shrug refused to shrug, and my mouth had fucked off for the day, so I just kinda sent, sure, why not, vibes.


    "Excellent."


    Wait, you can hear me like this?


    "Of course. The three of us," she nodded to Siobhan and Marie, "are your High Priestesses. The disruptions to your Soul made it hard for any of us but Marie to understand you, but now that it''s back where it''s supposed to be, you need but think to us, and we will hear you."


    Damn. That would have been handy to know last night.


    "Did you need to tell us something last night, love?"


    Yeah, that you three have permission to do whatever the fuck you want to me, any time, any place, forever.


    Siobhan kissed me, smiling the whole time, then stood up and headed in the direction I assumed lead to the bathroom while Saffron gave me another kiss. "You trust us that much already?"


    Look, you guys have done nothing but pump me so full of endorphins I can barely move for feeling so at peace with the world. If you guys wanna merk me right now or some shit? All I could ask is that you make it quick and painless. Hell yes I trust you.


    "What if we want to keep you in this state forever, until the end of time."


    I couldn''t help it, my chest ached a little as a chuckle escaped me. Don''t threaten me with a good time.


    She ran a hand along my jawline as she sighed and said, "oh, I''ve done that a time or two. One of those threats still hangs over you. But for now?" She paused a half beat, then quietly sang, "I''ve got to manage bath time."


    HOLY SHIT! Holy shit did you just do that?


    Indeed, love, Saffron''s voice filtered into my brain without passing through my ears. I believe you called it an ''endorphin button'' that I ''Pavloved into you''.


    You conditioned me?


    With your permission, yes. You also called it ''built in antidepressants'' at one point.


    I lay there thinking about that as a whole host of kids and adults lined up for the bathroom while Marie lifted me gently and laid me down sideways near on a big four poster bed, close enough to the end that Maze could dangle her legs off and lean on me as a backrest.


    Which, after bath time, she absolutely did, while reading The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents to an enthralled crowd of kids, women, and Nordic WNBA players who absolutely had to be related to Marie.


    Saffron? I thought, wondering if she could hear me at work, wondering if I''d disturb her.


    Yes, love?


    Who taught her how to do this?


    After a moment where it felt like somebody maybe shared my eyeballs and ears for a second, Saffron thought back, you did, love.


    I really I hope I didn''t spoil the reading for anybody. I really couldn''t tell, because the tears just wouldn''t stop flowing. But the smile wouldn''t come off my face either. Maybe I''d been an utter fuck up my entire life, but if somehow, I inspired this kid to do this?


    Maybe I''d done something right after all.

 Day Four Hundred And Fifty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    "Equity also judges,


    Based on the circumstances,


    The actions were taken in."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Egalitarianism


    Yeah, I definitely wanted to go back and forth between equality and judgement, but it feels like I''m leaning heavy on the judging and not so much on the equality. Which makes no damn sense, since when I read through what I''ve got so far, I only mention judgement like, twice, and I''ve talked about the various implications of everybody being equal by default like half a dozen times already. Objectively, I need to make sure I mention it''s about judging fairly. But subjectively I just feel like I need to really get across that I''m not really talking about equality of outcomes.


    I mean, yeah, there''s some things that everybody ought to just have. Food. Shelter. Medical care. Opportunity. Because without all those things, Agency is a joke. If somebody hasn''t eaten in days, saying ''scrub my toilet and I''ll give you food'' isn''t Agency. ''Do this or you die'' as an imposed choice isn''t Agency. Yeah, I get it, sometimes circumstances screw with shit. ''Come with me if you want to live'', or ''there''s a famine on, everybody''s gotta pitch in or we all die''. But there''s a big fuckin difference between, ''lie to me and call me pretty or no vagina entry for you'' and ''give me your rent money or no insulin for you''.


    Damn, do I have to put something in here about not doing an extortion? Is that clear enough from the shit I wrote about Agency, or do I gotta spell it out, that the appropriate judgement for forcing someone to obey or die for profit and amusement will eventually wind up with me trying to thread a tentacle all the way through somebody, then seeing how far I can ram a Cat-Five tentacle up their ass until there''s nothing left of them but a greasy stain.


    Speaking of judgement and shit I''ve done while pissed off beyond the bounds of sanity, I''m still feeling all weirded out by the fact that Past Tabitha seems way more emotionally impacted by me teaching Maze a bit of self confidence and reading fluency than me killing ten thousand people in sixty seconds or less with my bare hands. Right around dinner time, Oscar knocked on our suite door and handed something over to Marie. She brought it back to the bed, and past me realized what was in her hands before she managed to slip it on me.


    "Wait, please," she whispered. Marie just stopped and cocked an eyebrow. I nodded to Maze, who hadn''t wrapped up for the day.


    We sat there like that, Marie patiently waiting, past me listening to Maze read, until our little horse girl closed the book and announced, "we should finish up Thorsday."


    Past me waited until everybody started getting up to head to dinner, then pulled Maze into a hug. "That was awesome, Maze. I''m so proud of you."


    Maze just smirked and said, "thank you, papa."


    Past me snorted out a little laugh, then turned to Marie. "Okay." Marie gently slipped a much finer, nicer tiara onto my...


    I looked down at Maze and smiled. "You know, when I''m under the curse I don''t think I have any idea why you call me ''papa'', right?"


    She just smirked again and said, "I know."


    I did my part during bedtime, and for the first time in I don''t know how long settled in to sleep surrounded by not just my family, but all the folks I''d gotten used to having myself surrounded by. The Maenads, the refugees, Menace''s posse, all of them. Even in a room where everyone is asleep, even when nobody''s sick, snoring, or otherwise not sleeping quietly, there''s still that quiet susurration of dozens of people just breathing. I hadn''t realized how much I''d missed that. Took me a while to fall asleep, and I really don''t think it had anything to do with me just lying there all day.


    Woke up in the morning kinda early, too. Just sat there listening to a few people snoring quietly, the rest of them just breathing that slightly less even way people do when they''re closing on getting up, whether that''s because they subconsciously know there''s an alarm coming, or they can tell other people are awake, or they''ve got to take a piss. Watched as Siobhan blinked and popped up faster than anybody else. Then Menace, followed by the rest of our kids, who spread out waking up their friends and the moms and other women in the room. Funny how they just nodded to the Maenads in greeting, assuming they were awake. I mean, they were, but just struck me as odd how they knew, and knew how much Maenads relied on body language instead of vocalization.


    I''d never thought about it before, but it just made sense that the further from Human a Human adjacent somebody was, the harder time they''d have with shit like talking. The Trolls talked even less than the Maenads, although the Maenads had the advantage of being built to interact with other humans. I mean, you don''t need to talk much at a Revel, but at least a little bit of talking can really smooth things along.


    Before Saffron finished stretching, Maze and Menace returned to tug us both upright and tow us into the bathroom. I slipped into my role toweling folks dry almost like I''d never been gone. Everybody had something nice to say when I dried them off. Okay, almost everybody. Devorah didn''t so much say something nice as slip right up against me and whisper, "so it''s later, right?"


    I caught her around the waist and lifted her away from me, setting her on her feet an arm''s length away. "Nice try."


    She shrugged, laughed, and let me towel her dry without any further shenanigans. She didn''t deserve to get yelled at just because I had a bit of a headache. Kinda felt warm, too. Wondered if I was coming down with something, or if I''d spent so long away from the warm, humid environment of the bathroom that I wasn''t used to it any more.


    It wasn''t until I started walking over to join Saffron in the bath that I realized what was happening. Okay, I didn''t realize. Marie did. One second I was walking toward Saffron, wondering what we''d been using to heat the kettles. Smelled acrid, and I knew I''d smelled that smell before, but couldn''t remember where. Saffron looked up to me, her welcoming smile dissolving into horror, but before she could shout anything, Marie tackled me and dunked me headfirst into the water. I tried to right myself, only to have Saffron scrabble at my head as something hissed. Then Marie raked her hands through my...


    I tried to blink water out of my eyes, tried to right myself, but strong hands held me under the water. I flailed, unable to get leverage or traction. Then whoever held me under the water slipped her fingers under my armpits with their long fingers, and lifted.


    Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.


    "What the fuck, Marie?" I inhaled, coughed, gagged, and said, "and why the fuck does it smell like burnt hair in here?"


    "Siobhan, heals for myself and Tabitha, please?"


    The smaller blonde did that hand waving first to Saffron, whose fingers lost the lobster red lines that the tiara at the bottom of the tub had seared across them. Before Siobhan even got to me, I figured out what happened and put my arms around Marie, who knelt next to me with her arms around my waist, clutching at me. Something that felt like mint tastes rolled over me, and the lines of fire around my head cooled. "Shit. Thanks, Marie." I turned to look at Saffron. "What the fuck happened?"


    "I''m not certain," said Saffron, picking the tiara out of the water. "But I think in an effort to make your curse dampening headgear less onerous, we discovered a limitation of Cold Iron. Or the power of the curse."


    I shook my head, "uh, explain it to me like I know jack shit about Mana?"


    She held up one finger, then waved me toward the tub. I stepped in, and she settled me down in front of her, my back resting against that magnificent rack of hers. Kinda wanted answers more than distraction, but fuck it, distraction works in a pinch. Then she poured some warm water over my head and started scrubbing. "I''m speculating, but to simplify it, Cold Iron, which is what the helmet and both tiaras were made of, disrupts Mana and Shapes made out of it. Until you, it was assumed that Cold Iron was completely sovereign against Mana."


    "Until me?"


    She chuckled. "Yes, Goof, until you. Mana is energy. Cold Iron disrupts it, but apparently does so by absorbing some of it."


    I dunno if it was the head massage or what, but my brain kicked into gear. "Oh, shit. Energy, like heat?"


    I felt her shift as she nodded. "Exactly. The first time I saw that in action was the duel of your Champion Laurence Lancaster against Ares'' High Priest Garland. Larry''s weapon is a Mana Blade, a sword of pure Mana. Garland''s armor, shield, and weapon were made entirely of Cold Iron. Larry apparently realized that areas he''d struck multiple times heated up, and proceeded to eliminate Garland''s shield by striking it along the same line until it melted."


    "Cool story. So what, my tiara melted?"


    She snorted, then shuddered, the motion rippling the water and vibrating every bit of her against me. "No. No, it did not melt. But it did get hot enough to light your hair on fire. I''m stunned... no, wait, I''ve..." She petered off.


    "What?"


    She took a deep breath. "Your life here has not been entirely pleasant."


    I glanced at my arm, ran a finger across a scar at random, and said, "No, really?"


    She chuckled. "Trust you to take that in particular so calmly. At any rate, you have experienced the pain of injuries to your Soul before."


    "Yeah. ''Conrad'' and his fuckin'' machine."


    "No, love. Before that. Every time you die, your Soul is damaged a little more. And before that, when Bill died, you gave Siobhan a portion of your Soul to revive him. Your arm burned with that pain for... for months."


    I wasn''t quite sure where to start. "Bill? Who the fuck is Bill? Wait, wait, wait, did you say, ''every time I die''? How many fuckin'' times have I died?"


    "Tabitha?" Siobhan asked. I looked at her, and a moment after I met her gaze, there were two of her, standing about shoulder width apart. I blinked, trying to clear my eyes, but she said, "you''re not hallucinating. This is a Boon granted by our Goddess, to be in two places at once when the need arises." A moment later, one of her disappeared. "Although having both in the same place is a touch disorienting. Maybe painful?"


    "It can be so," continued Saffron. "But our Goddess, from whom this Boon comes, is orders of magnitude more powerful than we are."


    The free floating clue finally landed on my poor abused scalp and bored its way in. "Wait, aren''t I your Goddess?"


    "Yes." said Marie.


    "Oh."


    "Oh, indeed. That''s how you won the Battle of the Walls. You''ve used that ability in almost every major battle you''ve fought. It''s not uncommon for some of you to die when you do."


    "Oh. Oh, fuck. How... what... So if one of me dies, the rest of me...?"


    She shrugged. "None of us have ever died." Marie cleared her throat, and Saffron clarified, "none of us but you and Marie have died, and I suspect that Marie''s Maenad nature makes her deaths less.. traumatic than yours."


    "Yes."


    Saffron lay one soapy hand on Marie''s arm. "I do not value your sacrifice any less, lovely Maenad." Then she turned back to me. "But you''ve told me, Lord Loki has confirmed, every time one of you dies, it damages your Soul." She took another deep breath. "It appears that sufficient Worship allows you to heal that damage, and with Lord Loki''s assistance, when he realigns your Soul as he did the other day, I believe that your Soul heals without the kind of scarring your body has accrued."


    "Where the fuck do the scars come from?"


    "Wounds." said Marie.


    Saffron nodded agreement. "Not every wound is mortal, love. If a wound does not kill you, and you collapse that duplicate back into the rest of you, the wound is... distributed among the rest of you as pain. And a scar. A wound of the body, though, and not the Soul. At least as far as we have been able to tell."


    I sat there silently as she scrubbed me. Stood when she told me to stand, turned when she told me to turn. By the time Marie upended a kettle of steaming water over my head to rinse me off, I''d digested enough to say, "I... think I''m gonna need some time to process that. The wounds. The dying thing."


    Saffron put her arms around my waist and pulled me into a hug, burying the side of her head in my belly. "Take all the time you need, love. The Alliance is at peace. Your strength could be useful on half a dozen different construction and recovery projects, but unlike when we go to war, it''s not critical. There are others who are strong."


    I snorted, still trying to get past the very obvious denial roiling in me at the idea that some of me had... died. "So if there are others who are strong, what''s my thing? Why would you need me when..." I paused, and she nodded. "I''m the shit kicker. The one who fucks shit up." I laughed, no humor in the sound. "The one who''s good with her hands."


    "So good," purred Saffron.


    "So very good," whispered Siobhan, who''d climbed into the tub behind me and snuggled her head into my lower back.


    "Yes." agreed Marie.


    "Yeah, not what I meant and you know it."


    They pulled away from me, and Marie lifted me out of the tub and started toweling me while the two of them set to washing each other. "No," said Saffron, "but we all know the best way to distract you from you black moods, and are absolutely willing to do so whenever you need it, love."


    I blinked away some water from my eyes. "Thanks, guys. But... right now I really do think I need to think about things."


    "As I said, take as long as you need. I''d advise against leaving the suite; few outside it know of your Isekai nature, and only a very few more know of your curse."


    "Uh, how big is the suite?"


    She chuckled. "Four rooms. This bathroom, the bedroom," she pointed toward the room we''d slept in, that Maze had read in, "an office," she pointed toward a door on the wall adjacent to the bedroom wall. "And the living room" she pointed to the last corner of what must be a square shaped suite. "Since it''s Wotansday, Maze is playing with Isnomi rather than reading to the group, so you''ve the whole suite to yourself until evening."


    "Oh. Okay, thanks." I paused, stepping toward the bedroom door, until I realized that I didn''t have to just walk away. "Is there any way one of you could stay with me?"


    "One, or all?"


    I smiled at Siobhan. "I didn''t want to be greedy."


    Marie stepped to me, leaned over and took my face in her hands, and kissed me. "Be."


    "Okay. Preference noted, advice taken. So... uh, I don''t really want to get busy or anything, but could you," I paused, the words seeming so weird yet somehow so right, so comforting. "You three keep me company today?"


    Saffron frowned. "We''ve all duties to attend to today," she shook her head and smiled at my frown. "But as our dear Ice Pop has just pointed out, we can all be in more than one place at a time. Although none of us but Marie can focus on more than one thing at a time, so we might be a little quiet for most of the day."


    I smiled, thinking about times I''d spent just vibing with friends, each of us scrolling on our phones, or playing stupid mobile games, or just reading. "Y''know, that sounds like exactly what I need."

 Day Four Hundred And Fifty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    "A decision that is made,


    With your back against the wall?


    Not freely given Consent."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Egalitarianism


    Yeah, part of me really worries about spreading an idea across two verses, but I think I''m gonna have to. Now I just gotta remember to write the second half tomorrow. If I''m even the one writing it.


    I really worry about what''s gonna happen to me when I get this curse removed. Like, my gut says that Saffron and Marie and Siobhan are trustworthy. Like, ride or die trustworthy. I''m not even exaggerating there, I''m pretty sure any one of them would literally take a bullet for me. Would die for me. Really makes me feel some kinda way that I''m not sure I would do that for them.


    Like, some kinda ways, really. On the one hand, I''ve known them what, a few days? Don''t get me wrong. Awesome days. Literally orgasmic in most cases. Even yesterday, where I spent a big chunk of the day just lying around thinking about shit, wasn''t half bad. In the afternoon, after Marie snagged Maze at lunch and brought me back one of the Pratchett books from the Academy, it almost reminded me of lazy days back in Camden. Only, y''know, with friends. No, not friends. Family. Family of my own choosing. Spouses, and that word being plural really fucks with me, because everything I was brought up to believe says that polygamy is an excuse for old men to rape twelve-year-old girls.


    None of us are twelve, and none of us are men, and they are so obviously spouses that I''m absolutely stunned that one of them has alternately been referred to as ''Concubine'' or ''Fianc¨¦'', and the other one apparently takes great glee in calling herself a Concubine. Like that shit is a badge of honor or some shit. Which... fuck, around here it might be. Like, I know there is a Lancaster in Pennsylvania, and Saffron told me the suite we''re in is the Imperator''s Suite at Lancaster House, so I''m guessing either we''re somewhere in southern PA or there is just a weird linguistic parallel or some shit. But the shit about polygamy equals statutory rape is obviously incorrect, at least for our little group. Wait, are we a polycule? I don''t even know.


    Screw it. Family. We''re a family, and I''ll feed my foot to anybody who says different via their ass.


    So, like, yeah, part of me is saying that I''ve only known them a couple days, and dying for them would be insane. But some other part of me, below my head and above my crotch? Knows that I would, without even thinking about it, take any hit up to and including death to keep them safe.


    I mean, my first response would be to hit the hitter before they finish swinging, but sometimes you can''t. Shit, if somebody had shot the sniper that killed me the moment the bullet left the barrel, that still wouldn''t have saved my delinquent ass. So sometimes the only way to protect somebody is to take the hit. I get that. Nobody who grows up in a place like I did doesn''t know that. Even if I''m not sure how many of them would do it.


    But for those three? Or any of the kids? Fuck yes I would.


    And now my brain is throwing up quotes from fuckin'' Pitch Black of all places. "Not for me." I''m gonna die saving The Weyland Smith. Meh. Maybe he''ll just be one of a bunch. I really hope if that shit goes down and I do wind up taking the hit for that sociopathic bastard that he takes the hint and decides to move into ''antihero'' territory at the very least. As Church says though, the one who takes that hit never knows if the day was really saved.


    Shit, after yesterday I was feeling pretty good. After last night, when my ladies scooped me up to visit that bedroom with the divan and the mirrors, I was feeling fuckin'' great. Now I gotta go thinking about death and shit. I''d ask if I was my own worst enemy, but I think that''s pretty fuckin'' obvious.


    Woke up with something not too far off from pleasantly sore. I mean, it wasn''t the right kind of sore to be pleasantly sore. I think I finally understood right then what the ladies had said about my scars aching. Not enough to stop me, not enough to notice last night, but enough to wake me up just a little before dawn this morning. I tried not to think about how I knew it was just before dawn in a room, in an entire suite, without windows. "Anybody awake?" I whispered.


    "Yes." replied Marie from where she''d curled up to let Siobhan, Saffron and I use her as a pillow.


    At that point I had one of those awful intrusive thoughts. After a moment I realized it totally might do less damage if I let it out. "You''re not mad at me or anything, are you?"


    "No." I dunno how, but I got a strong sense of ''of course not'' from that single syllable, with maybe just the tiniest bit of ''why do you ask'' for good measure.


    "Sorry, some part of my brain just worried that''s why you''re always monosyllabic. Well, not exactly, but you''re always really, I dunno... You sound really definitive. Strict. Like you might do with an unruly kid about to get a whuppin''"


    "No." That time she sounded maybe a little pissed.


    "Uh..."


    She sighed. I protect children. Even scamps.


    "You just don''t like talking or something?"


    She reached over, took my hand, and brought it up to her mouth. "Maenad."


    "You... Wait. Shit. I wish I could see what you look like."


    Suddenly a picture arrived in my head. A picture of exactly what I was looking at in front of me. I noticed something right then, and slowly sat up and looked around. Heads around the room turned to look at me, and I realized that every one of them could have been sisters with Marie. Twin sisters, even. The super pale skin and platinum hair had made me think they maybe looked less alike than my initial impression, but now that I looked at them I realized they were absolutely identical, like they''d been stamped from a mold.


    "Maenads?"


    "Yes," all of them whispered back, although none of them had that bedrock certainty except Marie.


    "You can look through my eyes, right?" She nodded. "Look now. Tell me what you see?"


    I felt her looking, and she grinned, amused. "Hair."


    "Your hair is the only thing that''s the same?"


    She shrugged and slipped my hand down to cup her breast. "Size."


    This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.


    I couldn''t help it, my giggle might have been a little louder, just enough to make some of the women and kids around me to start stirring. "You mean the only things I''m seeing right are your hair and your cup size?" At her furrowed brow, I said, "the size of your tits?" She smiled and nodded, and I shook my head. "Fuck, I kinda wish I could see what you actually look like." I lifted my hand to her cheek and smiled. "I mean, you''re beautiful, but I feel like I''m... I''d... I want to see beautiful you, not a beautiful illusion."


    I''d thought maybe I''d imagined it before, but right then, with nothing else going on in the room except the quiet noises of people stirring before waking, Marie''s purr hit my ears like an avalanche of sound. She also clamped her hand over mine, holding it against her cheek, rubbing against it. After a bit sitting like that, as the kids got up and lined up to use the toilet, she turned my hand, opened her mouth, and slipped my hand into it. She leaned forward so I could see my own palm, then closed her mouth excruciatingly slowly. I couldn''t see it until after I felt it, but my palm dimpled, almost like somebody''d pressed a Philips screwdriver into it or some shit like that. Or maybe a railroad spike. It didn''t hurt, exactly, but I got the very clear impression that if she put one iota more pressure into it, it might. Briefly.


    The weirdest thing? The vibrations along my arm absolutely soothed the shit out of me. I had all I could do to keep myself from just flopping over until Saffron sat up, stretched, then frowned at Marie. "Really, Marie?"


    Marie chuckled, her mouth opening to release my hand. She still had a grip on my wrist, though, and she used that to show the unpunctured skin of my palm to Saffron before rubbing my hand across Saffron''s face not unlike I''d done to Marie.


    "Gah. Blech. Drool. Tiger drool. Maenad drool all over my face."


    "Problems?" Marie snarked.


    Saffron straightened her back, doing a picture perfect offended nobility look. "Yes, actually." I prefer that lower down.


    Marie and I both snorted, then broke down laughing. Fortunately Siobhan sat up just before I collapsed, or I''d have totally clotheslined her. Saffron sniffed, stood up and started on her way to the bathroom. Before she got out of reach, Marie swung our interlaced hands around to grab her ankle. When she looked down, Marie smirked up at her and said, "Tonight."


    She grinned down at us, and suddenly I knew what ''a look full of promise'' really meant. I look forward to it.


    Marie and I got up and went into the bathroom, where she stood me next to a massive pile of towels. The moment I got there, Saffron lifted Isnomi out of the bath and sent her toward me. I took the hint and toweled the rugrat down until her body was dry and her hair was damp at worst. I wrapped her hair with the towel and twisted it around into a turban. Her eyes got super wide, and she breathed out, "coow!" before toddling off toward Marie, who stood there with a big stack of clothes and what looked like a sewing kit.


    I didn''t see what she did, though, because the next kid came toddling toward me. Daya, I think? Itty bitty strawberry blonde kid. I toweled her dry, gave her a turban, which got me a whispered, "thank you," then sent her on her way to Marie.


    One by one, I dried kids off and sent them to Marie. Weirdest thing had to be the ''girliest girl to ever girl'', who was not packing girl plumbing. I mentally shrugged, toweled her dry, gave her a turban, and gave her a little push on the butt toward Marie when she tried to see her own head without a mirror. I think overall we must have spent at least an hour in the bathroom. Maybe more. None of the Maenads got in the tub; they''d moved over to the area beyond Marie, where they''d been brushing each other. Not, like, brushing each other''s hair, although there was some of that, but using brushes on their bare skin. Which made me think that maybe that skin wasn''t so bare, and made me want to see what Marie really looked like even more. When Isnomi got to them, one of them corralled her while another pulled her towel turban off and went to work brushing out her hair. I had to guess that was part of the routine, because she didn''t squirm or cry or pitch a fit, she just stood there in what looked like a little military uniform, arms folded with a longsuffering expression on her face.


    Before I knew it, Siobhan stepped up to me. "Please be gentle, Hero?"


    I snorted and started toweling her off. "Like I''d get busy with you here. There are," I looked around right then and realized that all the kids were gone. At a guess, headed down to breakfast or something. Most of the women and all of the Maenads had left already too. There were only like two people left other than the four of us. "Uh, other ladies present."


    She smiled, a little flushed, and leaned back into my arms as I toweled her. "Tabitha, I know you don''t remember this, but our first time was a fortnight and five days ago, and it began with you taking me in a vast meadow open to the sky, daring any God or Mortal to look upon us, daring them to envy our rapturous joy."


    "Uh..."


    She tilted her head back as I rubbed at her long, fine hair and said, "if you wanted to take me in front of the entire student body of the Academy, I''d only ask that you gag Trease first." Her upside down smile swayed back and forth a little, and she flushed bright red.


    "You okay, Sister?"


    "Only if you call me Siobhan."


    "Okay then, Siobhan. You okay?"


    She smiled, turned around, and hugged me. "Please. I know you don''t really remember, but... whisper ''Ice Pop'' in my ear like you intend to eat me like a tasty treat?"


    Screw it, the last of the not-us ladies was on her way out the door, and it''s not like she wanted me to do her right then and there. Not that I had a whole lot of objections now that we had a little privacy. I turned her around to face away from me, pulled her back to my chest so I could whisper into her ear, and breathed out, "I remember last night. Ice. Pop."


    She crumpled like somebody''d cut her strings. I caught her before she hit the floor, scooping her up and staring at the giddy smile on her flushed face. "Shit! Is she okay?"


    Saffron chuckled, rolling her eyes. "She is malnourished. There may be other factors, but for now I''ve given her a diet to follow. I worry that she''s not, though."


    Marie held her arms out, and I carried Siobhan over to her. Marie took a knee, settled Siobhan on her thigh, and started in on her hair. When the Sister''s eyes fluttered open, I leaned in, looking her right in the eyes. "Siobhan?"


    "Yes, Tabitha?"


    "Have you been eating the diet Saffron asked you to follow?"


    She shifted her eyes, then muttered, "but it''s so much..."


    I sighed. "I''m worried about you, Siobhan. It''s really flattering, you fainting just from me whispering in your ear, but it''s kinda cheating if I''m starving you to do that."


    She jerked, looking back at me like I''d goosed her. "You aren''t starving me!"


    "So you''re starving yourself?" She got a mulish look, and I grinned my best rakish grin at her, slipped up close until our foreheads touched, then quietly said, "do you think we''re trying to fatten you up or something?" More mulish. "You know what happens once you''re fattened up?"


    She blushed a little and, a little whine in her voice, said, "no?"


    I slow blinked, then darted a glance downward and said, "I eat you." Yeah, when she woke up again I said, "so, gonna eat your veggies?"


    She crossed her arms over her chest, annoying Marie, who''d been working her robes onto her. "I am not going to be bribed to eat like... like... like a child."


    I jerked back, one hand going to my chest. "I''m hurt! I am absolutely not going to bribe," I grinned, leaning in close again and letting my voice go all hoarse as I said, "a child with that." I tilted my head, thought a second, then brought my finger up to my mouth. "Or did you not want me to do that for a few hours tonight?"


    "Hours?" she squeaked.


    "Oh, yeah." I smiled at her, leaning in to watch her pupils dilate. "Hours." Blush. "And hours." Dilate, fluttering lashes. "And. Hours."


    As she cradled Siobhan with one arm, Marie leaned over and declared, "Rake." before kissing me.


    I really thought I''d done some good rizz throwing there. Not just, like, ''done a good with my rizz'', but I figured three consecutive knockouts with only some breathy words and smoky looks was pretty good.


    Then, as Siobhan sat up, giggling a little to herself, Saffron called out, "Stop playing with your food and get over here and scrub me, Goof."


    Dammit.


    Then again, by the time I was dry I had no complaints. Probably something about her whispering shit into my ears that melted my brain the whole fuckin'' bath. Kinda made it hard to write today, though. Mostly because of how many of those little suggestions had to do with how well she''d fit under the desk. Look, I don''t care how many people are ''worshipping'' me, I''m only human, and my wife''s game is just on an entirely different level. Makes me think of that Ludacris song.


    Because my chick? Absolutely badder than yours.

 Day Four Hundred And Sixty

    Dear Diary,


    "A decision that is made,


    When you have all the power?


    Will be judged accordingly."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Egalitarianism


    Yeah, I think those two verses together get the point across. The dude with his back to a wall is gonna get a lot less heat from yours truly than the guy with the crown and the throne. Something about that strikes me as oddly not copacetic, but I''m sure I''ll catch it when I go to edit the thing into a cohesive whole.


    Of course, it''ll help if there''s one of me trying to edit this shit into a cohesive whole. Right now I have no idea if the me who remembers all the shit that''s happened knows or approves of what I''ve written. Still not entirely at ease with the idea of, y''know, me not existing. This me. The me that doesn''t remember getting married, or killing ten thousand people, or apparently literally crushing a dude''s head between my thighs. Like, not suffocating him or breaking his neck, but, like, splashing his fuckin'' skull like a melon hit by a mallet in an anime.


    I gotta hand it to the kids and the ladies. Not once has one of them made me feel unwelcome, or even like I wasn''t the version of me they wanted. I mean, yeah, they slap that Cold Iron shit on my head when they can, but frankly that might just be so I can remember my passwords, or my schedule, or I dunno, where I put the toilet paper when we brought it home from the store.


    Yeah, I just realized that there is something I don''t remember doing since I got here, and by now I''ve been Cold Iron free for, uh, going on three days now. I maybe might see not taking a shit in that time, especially since I''ve really only eaten one meal a day plus a more or less constant stream of little snack plates Marie brings me. But going three days without taking a piss? Either my bladder is bigger than I am including my bladder, or something''s wrong with me.


    So I spent yesterday just kinda screwing around in the suite. Just before sunset, and fuck me but I really wanna know how I know it wasn''t long before sunset, a butler arrived at the door and handed something to Marie. When she turned around, closing the door behind her, I recognized one of the bad Magneto cosplay helmets. I looked up and said, "time for everything to be future me''s problem again, huh?"


    Saffron, who''d been lying with her head on my lap while I read a book, stirred and looked up. "Whyever would you think that?" When my jaw dropped a little, she continued. "First of all, you are you, love. With or without your memories. The you we love isn''t just some collection of random facts. It''s you. Who you are. And yes, that''s... changed over time, as you''ve learned, come into your power, suffered trauma and healed. But you, your heart, is still you."


    I wasn''t crying. Marie must have been prepping onion rings or something. "I... Thanks, Saffron."


    "You don''t need to thank me, thank any of us, for loving you, Goof. Now, we''d been having you wear Cold Iron so you could assist us with our investigation, even if only by adding another knowledgeable perspective, but that''s before we realized there might be some danger to you wearing the things."


    I snorted. "Me? Knowledgeable?"


    Saffron just nodded. "You have passed quite a few Academy courses, love. Not so many as to earn a proper University degree, perhaps, but you''ve passed all the key courses to earn the title Hero. Even if you did skip a few lower level prerequisites."


    "Wait. No. You''re serious?" She nodded. "I''m, like, a college graduate?"


    She shrugged. "Technically you don''t graduate until you''re a Hero, and you don''t get that Title until your Status shows you as being an Adult rather than a Juvenile or Young Adult. But at this point you''ve completed all the coursework and you''re just waiting on your Aura to recognize what everyone else can see as blindingly obvious."


    "Holy crap. Do... do I get like a diploma or something? A nice sheepskin to hang on the wall?" I looked around, realizing that with the exception of furniture, the walls in here were distressingly bare. "Can we even hang things in here?"


    She laughed as Marie set the helmet down on one of the end tables in the room with a clunk. "You do seem to like putting things on the walls. It wasn''t easy taking the pictures you Mineral Bonded to the walls in our first room down without damaging them."


    "Uh... If you don''t put things on the walls, where do you put them?"


    "In frames. On tables. Or on a mantle. Oh, I suppose if there are big enough pieces of furniture you could put a picture on them, and of course cabinets are usually a good place to hang things. But..."


    "Yeah?"


    "Other than drawings done with chalk and paint, most people don''t... can''t afford artwork, love." She paused. "Oh, I suppose there''s a class of folks, merchants and such, who can afford some in Phileo. But in the Yards? Not really. There''s a reason Raven''s family couldn''t afford art school for her. There''s none in Camden Yards, and only the one art school associated with one of the Universities in Phileo." She frowned. "From what I''ve discovered, they''re mostly concerned with realistic artwork, documentation of research, as well."


    I chuckled. "Makes sense." When she turned her frown on me, I said, "Da Vinci."


    "What, or who, is a Da Vinci?"


    I took a deep breath. "Wow. Different world. Um... guy who pretty much could have solo''d the Reniassance?"


    "The what?"


    I blinked again. "Okay, back up. We''re in Lancaster, right?" She nodded. "A bit west of Philly? Which is a little west of Camden?" She cocked an eyebrow when I said ''Philly'', but nodded. "All that is part of the ''Alliance'', right?"


    "Yes, along with Newark and New Amsterdam to the north, and Norfolk and Calverton to the south."


    "Wait... anything further south than Norfolk? Like, is Calverton south of Norfolk?" She shook her head. "Nothing north of New Amsterdam?" Another head shake. "So... what country owns the shit to the north and south of us?"


    "Country? There''s countryside, yes, but it''s all controlled by the Cities that own it. St. Boltophsburg to the northeast of New Amsterdam. The only major power south of us at this point is Jackville, although they only count because of Jack himself. There are a few minor Cities between us and Jackville though. The closest would be," she looked at the ceiling for a moment, eyes darting. "Compton. Yes, Compton."


    I broke down laughing. "So I guess there''s no East Coast, West Coast rivalry here?"


    She gave me a weird look. "I guess you could call the Atlantean Cities rivalry with the Europan Cities that, although frankly the Cities on the West Coast of Europa aren''t terribly powerful." When I looked a question at her, she misunderstood and said, "neither the Celts nor the Norse have ever really founded any Cities as massive as those along the Mediterranean Sea." She paused, pondering. "It''s the weather, I think. Too cold to grow enough crops anywhere north of the Alps. Maybe one short growing season a year, but that''s about it."


    Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    "But... it''s all Cities?"


    She nodded. "Always has been." She smiled up at me. "Until now." Her smile got a little predatory, a little proud. "Until you, love."


    I just sat there, trying to take that in. "So... just Cities. How the fuck did anyone build an Iowa class battleship?"


    "You mean your Black Dragon?" I nodded. "She wasn''t built, love. You summoned her into being." She tilted her head. "Created her from nothing in M-Space, as Lord Loki explains it. A copy of something from your world."


    "I... I created her?"


    "Yes." Something about Marie''s tone just shut any disbelief in me off like a switch. I still kinda giggled a little bit.


    "Are you hungry, love?"


    "I could eat."


    She grinned up at me, and holy shit if I weren''t dead set on consenting to whatever she wanted to do with me that grin ought to classify as assault. "I''m sure you could. But... dinner first." Siobhan, who''d been snuggled in on top of Saffron, using her breasts as a pillow, whined at that. "You, Sister, will be eating everything Marie puts on your plate. Or there will be no after dinner treats for you."


    "Yes, Mommy," snarked Siobhan.


    Then Saffron leaned down and whispered, "Good Girl," and Siobhan turned bright red. Apparently she didn''t faint so much lying down. Good to know. "Oh, just so you''re aware, I''ve let Larry and Bonnie, that''s Heir Lancaster and Heir-Consort Lancaster, both of whom are sworn to you as their Patron, that you''ve been experiencing some bouts of amnesia, possibly from a hostile Spell. At this point I don''t think they need to know more than that."


    "If you say so, sure." Saffron nudged Siobhan, who stood, then pushed herself upright, and they reached down to help me up. I didn''t really need it, but it still felt nice to have them pamper me just that little bit. Even more when they each snuck under one of my arms and walked out onto the balcony outside our room with me.


    I realized right then that Lancaster House must be fuckin'' huge. The balcony had four more doors along the side opposite the railing, and I saw a matching balcony on the far side of the room. Not only that, but the dining room beneath us, where all our kids and a bunch more were already seated at an extended table, had to be as big as all the rooms put together. This wasn''t a house, it was a fuckin'' hotel.


    Then we got to the end of the balcony and I realized there was another floor above us, and at least one below the dining room. While we were a little snug with like two dozen of us in the bedroom all told, It was just that; snug. Not cramped. Not crowded. Nobody slept on the bed, and it wasn''t a small bed; if we''d put a bunch of kids on it, nobody would have had to sleep in contact with anybody else. I mean, I liked sleeping all snuggled up like that. I''d never done it before, and even after just a few days I realized that all the time I''d spent sleeping alone was just falling unconscious and coming to a few hours later, not... not sleeping. Not relaxing the way I did with my family all arranged around me, snuggled into me and each other like a big old pile of kittens.


    We got down to the table, and my ladies dropped me off next to a blond dude roughly my height. "Commander! It''s good to see you up and about!" He reached out a hand; I took it, and after a quick squeeze he pulled me in and gave me a one armed hug. I returned it, because I''m not a complete asshole or moron, but it still felt a little weird. He nodded to my seat, and sat after I did.


    With him taking a seat at the head of the table, I guessed, "how''s it hanging, Larry?"


    The very, very pregant woman beside him chimed in, "probably not hanging at all. Standing to attention, dutifully guarding his post, awaiting my return."


    "Aw, Bonnie, you giving my man Larry a hard time again?"


    She smirked at me. "Sadly, not since this morning. Getting up and down the stairs is a chore. I''ve asked. Him," she poked him once with each word, "to work from the office in the suite, but he insists on seeing to things himself."


    I shot Larry some side eye as Saffron sat down across from me, and Siobhan sat down next to her. "Bonnie''s lookin'' real close, you sure you want her in the suite all alone? What happens if the baby decides to show up? You sure you''re gonna hear her calling from all the way in west bumblefuck?"


    Larry''s brow furrowed, "surely it''s far too soon?"


    At that point Saffron cut in before Bonnie widowed herself. "You do realize that some Bag give birth seven months after conception?"


    I swear if he''d been eating already Larry would have choked to death right then. "Seven? Seven!" He turned to Bonnie, "you... you should be in bed. The staff can bring you your meals, and..."


    "Enough, Larry." Bonnie took his hands in hers. "We''ve felt the little one moving, but I''ve not had any contractions yet."


    Saffron came to the rescue again. "Bag Dan hybrids aren''t unheard of, but they do tend to lean one way or the other. The closest to half of each I know if is Tabitha herself."


    Bonnie tilted her head and asked, "so, Commander, how long did your mother carry you?"


    I shrugged and thought about my Health classes. "Uh, about forty weeks?"


    "Ten months?" Larry looked at the ceiling way above us, then let out a relieved sigh. "So another month or so?"


    "That''s only a guess though. Bonita?" Siobhan looked at Bonnie, who nodded. "It really would be best if you stay close to your bed. Climbing four flights of stairs, or even being carried, is not something you want to do while in labor. And Laurence?" Larry nodded. "It really would be best if you stay near her. Should she need something, I cannot think of another person who would be more determined to get it than yourself."


    He took a deep breath, then turned to Bonnie. "I suppose you''ll need to put up with me in your hair day and night now?"


    She leaned over to whisper in his ear, but I''m pretty sure we all heard her whisper, "not my hair."


    The two of them bantered back and forth, with Saffron and I poking at them to keep it going, until Marie arrived with food. I felt some kinda way about her doing the serving, but when I got a booger look and opened my mouth, Saffron cut me off with a quick jerk of her head. Then Marie stuffed a waffle in my mouth and I lost all desire to do anything but eat. Chicken and waffles and some kind of syrup-gravy mix had me vacuuming up food like it was going out of style. I literally lost track of how many waffles and tendies I nommed. When the serving staff came around collecting things, Saffron stood and said, "thank you for a lovely meal, everyone, but we must be off to bed. Morning comes early."


    Maybe a half hour later, after we orchestrated all the kids hitting the toilet and trading their day wear for whatever they wore to sleep, whether that was a nightgown or shorts or just not much at all, once we all snuggled in on the floor, Saffron shifted and the four of us lay on that mirrored bed at the same time we lay in the bedroom at Lancaster House. Weird, but I went with it, especially when Saffron took Siobhan''s hand, looked at me and Marie and said, "hopefully, we will too?"


    Fun night. Woke up well rested in the morning. Loads of fun drying everybody off, even if Siobhan seemed a little more KO resistant with an actual decent meal in her. So we all went down to breakfast and stuffed another couple waffles into her, along with Saffron suggestively supplying some sausage. When breakfast ended, both of them sighed and said they''d see me in the evening. I wasn''t thrilled, but figured they had to focus on whatever they had to do today.


    When I got back to the room, Marie was waiting for me with a dark haired woman. When she turned to me, I did a double take. "Raven?"


    She just raised an eyebrow. "You expected somebody else, ''Commander''?"


    I swear, she looked just like a girl I knew from Eastside, a skinny goth chick who was always sketching, drawing, or even painting something while we were in class. "Uh... no, just didn''t expect to see you here."


    She looked at Marie. "Your Maid told me you needed me for something? I assume art related, unless you''re looking for some discounts on raw leather?"


    "Oh! Yeah! Sorry, I forgot for a second. I''d like some artwork of Marie, actually. If you have time?"


    She snorted, but shook her head. "If I have time. I''m not showing you any of my works in progress, you understand?" I nodded, confused, and she said, "I can do a new sketch if you like?"


    "Sure! That''d be great!"


    Raven looked at the two of us, then said, "wait here." She left, then came back a minute later carrying an easel. She set up a big piece of something; paper, canvas, I''m not really sure, but then she settled us each into a love seat, our thighs pressed together, our hands interlaced.


    "I don''t think I need a picture of..." She shot me a look, and I shut the fuck up.


    We sat there most of the day. I know, not only because the sun was nearing the horizon by the time she finished, but because she ''finished'' when Saffron and Siobhan popped into existence behind her and gasped. She looked at them, sighed, then set her charcoal down and spun the easel around.


    I wasn''t sure what I was looking at immediately. Two of us. The one on the left, me, wasn''t me as I thought of me. Pale skin, with dark scars on my face, my arms, everyplace that the sleeveless blouse and knee length skirt I''d worn today didn''t cover. A face that despite the scars looked carved from marble, surrounded by a mane of dark, curly hair.


    Then Marie. Her Maid''s uniform told me it was her. Her hair, like she''d said, was the same. But her face. That... that was a tiger. Tigress. Her hands... her hands weren''t ''long fingered with long fingernails besides''. They were claws; fingers as long as my palm, ending in blunted claws as long as my fingers. ''Blunted'', only in the sense that a chisel is ''blunt''.


    She was the most beautiful thing... no, the most beautiful person, the most beautiful woman I''d ever seen.

 Day Four Hundred And Sixty-One

    Dear Diary,


    "Judge others not where you stand,


    But where they stood when they chose,


    To judge them Equitably."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Egalitarianism


    Yeah, I''m really thinking I''ve milked this as much as I can without repeating myself. If future me isn''t back by tomorrow, I''m gonna have to wrap it up and move on. The next section is about Redemption, I guess. I have no idea what I was thinking when I decided that. Like, reading what''s gone before, it''s like ''oh, hey, make choices, judge people on their choices'', and now, what, let them walk away from the consequences or some shit.


    Okay, yeah, rereading the bits I didn''t write, I guess if somebody cleans up their mess you let them move on and do whatever. Although I gotta wonder if it''s a good idea to let them just go back and do the same thing again. Maybe if they''re gonna try something new, like, okay, they screwed up and burned the chicken, but they cleaned up all the pots and pans and shit, so now they''re gonna try to cook some hamburgers. Look, I don''t know from cooking. I eat. I can maybe make sandwiches without screwing them up, if the ingredients come in sandwich appropriate portions and shit like that. You hand me some chicken breasts, a block of cheese, and a loaf of artisan bread, I''m gonna wind up eating two bites of rubber microwave chicken before throwing it away, then nomming down uncut cheese and bread.


    Yeah, there''s a reason my trunk has junk. Had junk. Because apparently, according to Raven''s picture, I am fuckin'' ripped. Like Jason Momoa as Aquaman ripped. Or Chris Evans as Captain America. Or The Rock at the height of his wrestling career. Or Dwayne Johnson walking to the grocery store. Mmm... Dwayne Johnson.


    Where was I?


    Oh, yeah, so spent yesterday evening just kinda staring at the picture of Marie and I. Then looking at her. Then the picture, then back at her. Utterly blew my mind. "Is that really you?"


    Marie frowned, and Raven''s eyebrow shot up. Saffron led Siobhan around to look at the sketch, nodded, and said, "that captures our Marie, just about perfectly." She looked at Raven with a little throwing away gesture. "I''m sure you could do better with paint, but given you used, what, nothing but charcoal?"


    Raven barked out a laugh. "Do you see anything but grayscale on either of them?"


    Marie rested her nail tips, her claws, I guessed, on my cheekbone right beneath my eye. "Eyes."


    Raven threw her hands above her head, tossing the stub of charcoal. "You asked me for a picture of her. Not of her Soul." Saffron leaned over and whispered something to her, and Raven glanced first at Saffron, who nodded, then back to us. She pointed at us, one finger at each. "I expect an apology when the time comes."


    "Uh, sure?" Marie just nodded.


    Siobhan reached up and carefully detached the drawing from the easel. "I think it''s beautiful." She looked at us. "Might I have it for the Infirmary?"


    "Really?" She nodded. "Uh... You can have it in the morning?"


    What? I wanted to know who I was canoodling with. With that in mind, I leaned over to whisper, "bed?" In Marie''s ear.


    Fun night, even if it wound up being a little weird. Like, okay, looking at a picture of somebody while messing around with somebody else is messed up, but what about looking at a picture of the person you''re doing the messing around with? Yeah, I get it, weird, but none of the others seemed to think me wanting to look at what Marie really looked like was weird just then.


    Recurring dreams of Saffron Dumplings, Marie Pasta, Siobhan Popsicles, and... beans. So weird. But then, dreams are. Dunno why I thought a bunch of cephalopods were watching me eat, either, but... dreams. Fucked up weird. Par for the course.


    Woke up with some weird soreness. Probably from trying to hold some really unnatural positions last night. Worth. So, so, worth. Snuggled in to Marie and she responded by gently running her claw tips along my back. I swear wherever she skritched, the soreness just dissipated like it hadn''t ever been there. Magic fingers. Magic claws. Whatever.


    Saffron took her time waking up as usual, and I found myself watching the whole process, bemused. When she finally opened her eyes with some coherence behind them, I said, "good morning, sleepyhead."


    She snorted. "Just because I don''t spring out of bed on waking, or go directly and instantly from dead to the world to leaking frenetic energy into the room, or somehow remain awake whenever anyone else is awake to check, does not mean I am a sleepyhead." She then pulled herself up me to give me a good morning kiss. When she pulled away, she said, "love, do you think we should put our art in public spaces, like our dining room, or have a gallery set aside for it?"


    "Uh... our dining room?"


    She shook her head, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Goddess, forgive me. Along with your Black Dragon and our suites at the Academy and Lancaster House, we''ve also a small house in Camden Yards and a fairly substantial homestead in the northwest of Lancaster lands."


    "Is there a reason we''re staying here rather than there?"


    She chuckled. "Other than the fact that we finished little more than the foundation before whatever Fae is responsible for your condition cursed you?"


    "Oh. Well, fuck. Wait, you make it sound like I''m responsible for the construction work or something?" She just looked at me. "No." She nodded. "Me? How am I doing construction?"


    She opened her mouth, then said, "You know, I think it might be productive to pay a visit to the site, for more than one reason. Would you mind awfully?"


    I shrugged. "I got no place to be, and nothing to do but you three. Which is a pretty high priority."


    "Okay then. Today we''ll visit the site."


    After that we got up and started in on bath time. I don''t know whether future me liked it, but I found it really soothing. Of course, it got a little less soothing when one of the very adult women wriggled like me drying her was definitely not an innocent bath time activity. Before I could say anything, Saffron''s voice whispered in my brain. Just ask Devorah if her mead is ready yet.


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    When the... okay, dunno if she qualified as someone I wanted to, but I''m sure somebody thought of her as a MILF, because she definitely had the curves, woman turned to face me, leaning in like she intended on necking, I caught her by the shoulders, looked her in the eye, and said, "so, Devorah. How''s the mead coming along?"


    Good lord but the woman had the perfect chubby face for pouting. "How am I to make mead without a proper brewery?"


    I just shrugged, spun her around, and propelled her toward Marie. Trying to keep things quiet, I kinda mentally whispered back, the fuck is up with that?


    She''s a brewer, and she intends to move into our homestead when it''s ready.


    As the next woman in line came over to get toweled dry, I replied, dunno, feels like she intends to do a little more than move in.


    Oh, she absolutely intends to brew mead strong enough to get you drunk, then celebrate by Reveling with you. Perhaps with all of us.


    That got a bit of a pause out of me. The woman in my arms looked up at me, questioning, but I just shook my head. "Thought of something." As I went back to toweling, I thought back, you almost sound like you''re cool with that.


    Why wouldn''t I be?


    I kept drying, chewing that over until I joined Saffron in the tub. "You''re really okay with her, uh, her and me..."


    "Having sex? Why wouldn''t I be? We''ve had plenty of fun with the boys, and with Devorah there''s not even the chance of an accidental pregnancy. Not for us, at any rate." She smirked, and for half a second I had Siobhan in the tub with me.


    "The... the fuck?"


    "Shapeshifting, love. I guess you haven''t quite come to viscerally understand the implications of that?"


    I blinked. "I, uh... I guess not. You''re not worried I''ll, I dunno, run off with her?"


    She tilted her head. "Should I be?"


    "Oh, hell no! I''m not an idiot." She just smirked at me. "Okay, I''m not that kind of an idiot."


    She put her arms around me. Very distraction. Much soft. Wow. "I don''t think you''re any kind of an idiot, love. What you are is lusty beyond mortal ken."


    "I mean, I''m a horny bitch, yeah, but..."


    She kissed me, and when she pulled back, said, "I meant that literally, love. You are a Goddess of, among other things, sex, and while I am greedy enough to call you mine, I am not so stingy as to not share your bounty."


    "That''s... Yeah, that''s gonna take some adjustment." She sighed. "What''s wrong?"


    She shook her head, a sad smile on her face. "It took nearly a year for you adjust, and now it seems we''re back to square one. Still, maybe we can take some shortcuts this time?" She whipped out that grin again, and I decided right then to take whatever shortcut she wanted to.


    Of course, when we finally got ourselves out of the tub and dressed, both of us in the same kind of uniform that Isnomi''d worn the other day, we discovered pretty much everybody who''d slept over in the living room waiting for us. "Anna," Saffron nodded to one of the women, "I assume there''s a reason for this?"


    Anna nodded, took a deep breath and took a tiny step forward. "Yes, Imperator. All of us intend to join your homestead. If you''ll have us. Yes?"


    Saffron nodded. "I''ve spoken with most of you about that, and so far I''ve no reason to exclude any of you. I assumed you understood that, but to ease your mind, yes, all of you are welcome once we''ve shelter for everyone."


    Anna nodded. "That''s what I wanted to talk to you about. What we wanted to discuss. All of us survived in the wild. Survived in shelters we crafted with our own hands. We want to help."


    Saffron frowned, then without breaking eye contact with Anna turned the slightest amount and said, "Marie, please fetch Siobhan?" A few moments later, as Siobhan stepped into existence behind Marie, Saffron said, "we''d intended to visit our homestead today, to take stock of what needs to be done. Would you all like to come with us, to see our new home?"


    Everybody in the room froze, like they hadn''t expected that offer. Anna nodded and said, "yes, please, Imperator," and everybody in the crowd... they didn''t relax, but the tension changed from worry to anticipation.


    At that point the kids charged into the room with Isnomi in the lead. "Ma! Mama! Mawa! We wanna go wif!"


    Saffron sighed and held out her arms, which Isnomi leapt into. Acrobatic little tyke. "Do you promise to stay together, not just with the other children, but with at least one adult?"


    "Yeth?"


    "That means no hide and seek. No tag. No games where you get out of sight of one another."


    The kid looked a little rebellious, then seemed to realize Saffron wasn''t having any of it. She slumped a little and said, "ah tay."


    "In fact," Saffron said as she handed our daughter... Our daughter, still not used to that... Over to me, "I want you all to stay in sight of your Mama today. Understood?"


    Little Daya looked less than pleased, but she still nodded and joined the chorus of, ''yes, Ma'' from the assorted kids.


    That''s when I noticed an extra blond head in the crowd. While some of the women staying with us had little boys, they were all, like, barely old enough to walk This one had to be Maze''s age. "Do we have permission to bring him along?"


    Saffron looked and asked, "Liam, go ask your father. In fact, ask him to come along, please?" When Anna looked some kinda way, Saffron explained, "the lands around our homestead are far from tamed. Marie and Lachlan killed a dire bear on one of our visits. I''d rather have too many escorts capable of fighting marauding wildlife than too few."


    "Of course, Imperator."


    A few minutes later, Liam strode back into the room leading a fuckin'' Hollywood leading man. Shit, a pair of them, really, although the dark haired guy in the back looked more ''rugged ugly-handsome'' than the fuckin'' third Helmsworth brother in the lead. "You had need of us, Imperator?"


    "We''re visiting the homestead today, showing our future tenants the land and our progress. Some of them have experience with construction, and might be able to help."


    "Oh, so no, uh, tunneling today?" I swear the dude looked straight at me, and good fuckin'' god did that look make it very clear exactly what tunnel he wanted to explore.


    Loki''s voice whispered through the back of my head, from what you''ve discussed with Sigyn and I, it would be more a revisiting than an exploration.


    Holy fuck, really?


    Loki''s laughter rang in my head. Literally, in your case.


    Wow. Uh, thanks for the info. He sighed, but didn''t reply.


    A while later, after confirming that all the kids had hit the toilet, and had shoes or boots with decent leather soles suitable for outdoors, then confirming that all the women had the same, we were ready to go. I may still have been more than a little intimidated by watching Marie cut quarter inch leather with those fingernails of hers. Okay, yeah, intellectually, claws, but even there, claws able to straight up slice boot leather were still pretty fuckin'' impressive.


    Everyone got in a few concentric circles, kids in the middle, women, including Saffron and Siobhan, in a circle around them, and the Maenads, the boys, and me in a circle around that. I realized right then that for every half dozen people in the circle, there was a Marie. Not just another Maenad in a Maid outfit, but Marie. Weird as fuck. All the Maries shifted, and we stood in the same circles on a broad stone... courtyard, I guess. A hill to the west had a stubby tower atop it, and the east end of the little valley with the big flat stone in the center had been cut away, obviously artificially. Straight lines aren''t a natural thing. The mountainside to the north had another cut into it started, and the valley wall opposite that on the south had the stone exposed, dirt piled up to either side, but hadn''t been cut into yet.


    Right about then Isnomi climbed up her mom, leapt to Devorah''s shoulder, then leapt for me, yelling, "Mama! Les go!" I barely managed to catch her before she faceplanted on the stone.


    "Go where?"


    "Thplore!" She swept an arm out and pointed toward the tower.


    I looked at Saffron, who just smiled and nodded. "If you and Marie can keep watch over the children, I''m certain Siobhan and I can show the rest of the ladies around."


    I''d like to say some shit about how annoyed I was at being relegated to babysitting duty all day.


    But honestly? I loved the shit out of every fuckin'' exhausting, chaotic minute of it.

 Day Four Hundred And Sixty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    "Judge fairly and with nuance,


    If you wish to embody,


    Egalitarianism."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Egalitarianism


    Yeah, I don''t know why somebody would want to ''embody egalitarianism'', but fuck it, it made the meter work and religious types are all into that shit, right? I mean, I really ought to ask Saffron or Siobhan. They both seem kinda into that kind of thing. Weird, because Marie is like, apparently literally a Demigoddess devoted to Dionysus, but she''s the least religious seeming of any of my ladies.


    Although I guess judging people based on where they''re at, maybe ''where they''re coming from'' in the sense of how it''s still affecting them is better than judging them based on, like, the color of their skin or where they came from in the sense of where they popped out of mom''s vajayjay. It seems kinda like a pipe dream to me, but...


    I''m sleeping with the Imperator. I''m married to the Imperator. Like, her wife. That really sounds like an important title. We''re living in a suite in a house owned by a guy whose house is a fuckin'' hotel. Like, seriously, if your house has more than four stories, you''re probably old money. Weirdest part is that from casual conversation it doesn''t seem like Lancaster House is the source of his income. Hell, he seems like the old school kind of rich where you don''t worry about ''income'' so much as ''resources'' like food and people and, I dunno, mines and shit. And he defers to Saffron, and not with the kind of ''because I have to'' posturing, but with a more ''of course she''s in charge, her metaphoric cock is bigger than my entire body'' attitude.


    And Saffron? Is sworn to me. Like, literally worshipping me because I''m some kind of Goddess. I don''t really get it, because other than being able to survive having my soul spread across a volume normally associated with decent one bedroom apartments and apparently being able to summon up Iowa Class Battleships, I don''t seem to have many Divine abilities. I guess maybe along with forgetting everything that''s happened to me since I got shot, I forgot how to Goddess or something. But still, it seems like I''ve got the literal bully pulpit, so I might as well use it to make the world a better place, right? At least that''s what future me seems to think, and we''re pretty much in agreement on this one.


    Oh! Speaking of mines, apparently we''ve got one at our homestead! I kinda wanted to take a look in there, but taking the kids in there seemed like a bad plan. Of course we did wind up getting into the tunnels that ran under that big courtyard to each of the digs into the walls of the valley, not to mention out to the base of that tower. The bit sticking out of the hill looked maybe ten, fifteen feet tall, but that thing went all the way down to the interior base of the hill. Only bad part was that apparently all those tunnels were waterproof and not covered. So right at the moment we had ourselves an eighteen inch deep indoor swimming pool.


    Yes, the kids and Marie and I totally splashed around in there until Saffron caught us and yelled at us.


    We all left at sunset so everybody could get a bath, both to warm up and to wash the dirty water off. As Saffron and I, as usual the last two in the tub, scrubbed off, she quietly asked, "did you want to invite the boys over tonight?"


    "I, uh... you saw me looking?"


    She smiled at me. "I can see through your eyes, love. Not that I needed to. They are pretty, aren''t they?"


    "You don''t mind?"


    She sighed. Then kissed me. Midway through the kiss, the soft bits of her pressed against me got a lot less soft. I opened my eyes to see... Saffron, but a dude. Like, totally still her. I mean, totally still the person I''d been kissing, but also totally a guy. My mouth dropped open, because if Saffron was beautiful as a woman, as a guy, she... He... Want. "Want," I whispered before I realized that I''d decided to say anything.


    He slipped his hands around my waist, resting on my hips. "May I?"


    "Please?" I whimpered.


    He smiled, and holy crap I tried to wrap my legs around him but he held me in place by my waist so I couldn''t get any traction, any leverage. "Are you sure?" He asked.


    I lay my hands on his cheeks, stared deep into his eyes, and said, "if you don''t take me right now or give me a reason not, I might get violent. Oh, shit, I''m sorry, I didn''t mean that as a..." He kissed me, lifting me out of the tub and carrying me to where Marie and Siobhan stood waiting with towels to dry us off. He held me there, Siobhan and Marie aiding his laughing efforts to keep me from getting my legs locked around behind him. "Fuck, please Saffron. Please. Please, why not, please?"


    He leaned in and bunted my forehead with his. "Because I don''t want to get the sheets wet?" Then he tossed me backward to land on that mirrored bed. Okay, ''on'' was a bit of a misnomer. My hips rested on the foot of the bed, my legs dangling off. A moment later a pair of scarlet thigh boots wrapped around my legs, giving me just enough reach to cock my hips.


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    I lifted myself up on my elbows to get a better look at him; a pair of black leather thigh highs of his own making me drool and say, "why waiting?" Then I got a better look at him and felt maybe a little, uh, underequipped. Or like he was overequipped.


    "The first time we tried this, you couldn''t. A mental block of some sort."


    "Uh... did we ever?"


    He laughed, and Siobhan and Marie, who''d arrived to take over the divan, laughed along with her. "Did we ever. Goddess, when we finally did? We destroyed the temple you''d just claimed. Karen''s only just begun reconstruction."


    "Wait, I have a temple?"


    He nodded. "You do."


    "We broke it?"


    He smiled, and my toes curled. "We did."


    "We broke it fucking?" He just nodded again, stepping closer and pressing against me. "I don''t wanna break our nice bed." I whined.


    "I promise to be careful."


    I snorted. "You better. That thing''s gonna poke holes in my lungs and shit."


    He held me by the waist again. "I will. May I?"


    I took a deep breath, let it out, looked him straight in the eye, and said, "I''m gonna feel some kinda way if the bed breaks. Or I don''t. You may."


    He did. Holy shit he did. I mean, I don''t think I actually broke, but it wasn''t for a lack of enthusiasm on Saffron''s part. There''s just a point of endorphins where it doesn''t matter, and I passed that point like thirty seconds in.


    Dreamt of Marie pasta and Siobhan popsicles. Only one Saffron dumpling. Sadge.


    Woke up the next morning with everybody piled around me. Definitely a little sore, and even looser than I was sore. Like, my hips, like they''d been popped out and back into the sockets so many times they felt like they might just fall out on their own. Then I stretched, and they popped back into the sockets. Like, with an audible pop that had Marie snickering.


    "Laugh it up, tiger-lady. Next time we''ll see how you like it."


    I never saw her move. One second the rest of us shared a Marie body pillow, the next she knelt with my face in her hands, eyes inches from mine like she wanted to see the back of my skull. "Promise?"


    Weirdest thing, you''d think with how boy mode Saffron had me utterly and completely mesmerized I''d have had more hesitation. Or maybe greed. But nope. The words that flowed out of my mouth without hesitation were, "can''t wait to see that."


    Did not expect Marie to toss me on the divan with a sleepy Siobhan in my lap. "Okay." Saffron stumbled, her boots on but otherwise still utterly asleep on her feet. "Wha? Goof?"


    "Don''t look at me. I think Marie wants some of what I got last night."


    Saffron squeezed her eyes shut, then he stood there frowning. "Just so you know, I am not happy about being woken up early for this."


    "Bath."


    Saffron shook his head, sighing. "And then you use logic against me. You realize I''m not exactly in a mood to be gentle... of course you are. This will go on the ledger as well, you realize."


    "Yay."


    While Saffron lived up to his word, I snuggled Siobhan and murmured, "you gonna want your turn next?"


    She shook her head and giggled. "No. Unless you ask it of me, I prefer you each in your, ah, more habitual presentation."


    I shrugged. "No worries. Saffron''s just really good with that thing."


    Her eyes slipped shut. "Oh, yes. I''m well aware."


    "How the... what... but... huh?"


    Saffron turned around, shot us both a rakish grin without slowing down in the slightest, and muttered, "Goof." Things got a little stiff under the hood.


    Then things got a lot stiff under the hood. I lifted Siobhan by the waist, only to see an unfamiliar bit stand to attention as I lifted her clear. "Okay, that''s uh... I do not know what to do with that."


    Siobhan giggled and twisted around to look at me. "Me."


    So, I, uh, did. Very weird. Not normal. Also I might have gotten more than a little worked up and maybe got sorta un-gentle. Very. By the time the sun came up, and I really do not know how I knew that in a windowless room, she''d passed out a couple times. The place also smelled like somebody''d tried to build a bakery in a brothel. Or had an orgy in a bakery. One of those two. Saffron pulled Marie upright, kissed her, sighed, and said, "I think we''d best be heading back. We all need baths even more now."


    Siobhan woke up just about then, turned and pulled me in for an over the shoulder kiss. Before she let me separate our lips, she whispered, "you need not stop, Tabitha my Hero."


    "No, I think we need to get baths too."


    She smiled into my lips. "I meant next time when you thrust me to heights of ecstasy my body cannot handle. I am your Concubine. Use me."


    I lifted her to her feet, then stood up next to her. "Uh, no. Consent is important."


    She giggled and pulled me down for another kiss. "I know, Hero. That''s why I''m consenting. Now. To that. Then."


    "But what if you change your mind?"


    "I''ll tell you if I do?" She shook her head and looked up at me, confusion and amusement on her face in equal measure. "This isn''t a trap, Tabitha. This is me willingly offering myself to you. Even then, even like that."


    "What if I hurt you?"


    She just smiled wider. "Then you''ll Heal me." She turned to Saffron. "You''re right, Saffron. She is the most considerate goof ever, even when she''s being the most frustrating goof ever." Then she sighed. "I think you''ll need to set us back to normal for bath time."


    A moment later Saffron stood there as curvy and hot as ever, and I had a lot less going on downstairs. A moment later, the four of us stood in the bathroom, Saffron and Siobhan working to fill the tub as the kids lined up for the toilet. "Is everything like this all the time around here?" I muttered.


    How do you mean, love?


    Trying to think at her, I replied, Uh, like, sex and cuddles and family time and everything all jammed in around each other?


    She heaved a deep sigh, which did some amazing things to her overall topography, and replied, No, love. Often we deal with wars. And plagues. And kidnappings and Undead. But now? When the only thing threatening is this curse which, to the best of our knowledge, affects only you? We fill all our days, including yours, with as much celebration of our life and love as we may.


    I hadn''t really thought about it like that. But once I did? I really couldn''t argue with it.


    So since Siobhan and Saffron had work to do? I spent the day playing with the kids. Maze looked a little put out, so after lunch I had Marie bring a book back for her to read and I sat with her in the living room while Marie took over kid watching duty for me.


    Yeah, maybe tomorrow, next week, or next month I''ll wind up having to throw down with some monsters or whatever.


    But today? Today I''m gonna enjoy every bit of what I''ve got.

 Day Four Hundred And Sixty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    "Egalitarianism,


    Equality, Equity,


    Try not to fuck it all up."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Egalitarianism


    Yeah, look, I realized as I was looking at the earlier Book that future me had laid out ten verses for Agency, so I''m pretty sure she wanted ten verses for Egalitarianism too. Shit, now I''ve got to do ten verses for Redemption, I guess. Unless the folks working on it manage to sort out who did this and how to turn it off. Which would be the end of me as I am now, but at least I wouldn''t have to write any more of this shit. Which might be why I''m stuck writing it, so I don''t get too up in arms over not being.


    But then, I wouldn''t get to play with the kids, either. Or with Wife and Wife-To-Be and Official Mistress. I wouldn''t get to eat chicken and waffles, or towel everybody dry, or trade back washing with Saffron. Of course, if I wind up needing to do fuck all in terms of Goddessing or doing any of the shit I went to the Academy to learn, I''m screwed. Or really, whoever I''m supposed to be helping is gonna be screwed, and I have no idea why I''m more upset by that, but I am.


    Oh, my fuck, I''ve got skin in this game. Shit, why the fuck do I have skin in this game?


    Okay, that''s the stupidest question I''ve asked myself so far, because there are so many answers it''s not even fuckin'' funny. Saffron. Marie. Siobhan. Isnomi. Daya, David, Alex, Lindsey, and Maze. Saffron. Mom. Loki. Saffron, holy shit I don''t know why she keeps rolling back to the front of my mind but she does. Don''t get me wrong, everybody else on this list is family and I would die for them, but oh my god Saffron is air and light and life.


    Have you ever thought that you are all that and more to her, daughter?


    Pfft. Me? Yeah, fuck no. But holy shit I barely know her and she''s all that and the goddamned bag of chips factory.


    Just something to think on, daughter, that you may mean more to her than you realize.


    Yeah. Thanks, Dad.


    Of course.


    No idea why he sounds like somebody shot his dog.


    So yesterday, after playing with the kids all day long, Saffron got home on time, but when dinner time rolled around Siobhan still hadn''t shown up. Saffron looked up from where she''d been sitting on my lap, her legs across Maze''s lap where the pony girl had kept reading after Saffron stole my lap from her. "Marie? Is Siobhan well?"


    "Paperwork."


    Saffron sighed. "Bring her back here, please." Marie stepped away, and a few moments later, stepped back in front of us carrying Siobhan. Who just kind of lay there in Marie''s arms looking grumpy. "Siobhan?"


    "Yes, Saffron?"


    "Are you still doing paperwork?"


    The cute little blonde threw her arms in the air and practically wept, "it''s not going to do itself!"


    "That''s what she said."


    Everybody gave me a WTF Diaz look, then Saffron shook her head and said, "if you cannot finish your work given all the extra hours you put in, we simply must get you an assistant."


    "I have one!"


    "Orderlies do not count."


    "But your grandmother certainly ought to! She can record names and make copies and file forms and handle Cadets who need simple poultices and such." I''d never seen Siobhan quite this flustered. Or, not for this kind of reason.


    Saffron took a deep breath, then said, "Siobhan. This is an order from your Imperator, and your Mistress. Return here. All of you. Now."


    In the sudden silence I felt something as Siobhan looked maybe a little less distracted, but far more fatigued. "I didn''t think you''d ever order me around like that, Saffron."


    Saffron slipped out of my lap, then took Siobhan from Marie''s arms, setting her on her own feet, holding her upright when she slumped. "For my own benefit? I doubt it. But for your own well being? I absolutely would. Now. Marie? Could you please bring dinner up to the suite? Extra servings for everyone. Especially our Siobhan."


    Siobhan frowned. "First leaving my work incomplete, now stuffing me like a Harvest goose?"


    Saffron lay her head on Siobhan''s shoulder, arms around her. "Siobhan?"


    "Yes?"


    "Would you let me run a Grand Council meeting if I showed signs of nearing collapse?"


    "Of course not, I would..."


    Before Siobhan could finish, Saffron asked, "Would you let me skip a meal if I showed signs of starvation?"


    Siobhan shook her head. "I..."


    "Then why do you expect me to take poorer care of you than you do of me?" While Siobhan just stood there, mouth working, Saffron asked, "now, I assume the core of the problem is the glut of new Cadets?"


    Siobhan nodded. "Cadets are being forced to share rooms. Marshall duBois is teaching four dozen Cadets at a time. Doctor Roberts is doing the same in Mana Shaping." She shook her head. "And all of that is causing more... mistakes."


    Saffron looked over to me, then shook her head and sighed. "I''ll speak with Vincent in the Scribe''s Guild and Doctor Zeccardi at the University. We''ll get you help, both with the paperwork and the Healing. At least until you''re caught up."


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    Siobhan slumped. "Even then, I''ll just fall behind again."


    "No, you won''t. Do you know why?" Siobhan looked up, obviously fatigued to the point where even hope took too much effort. "While they are helping you catch up, you''re going to be picking out six Cadets to train up in all your duties."


    "Cadets? But... they''re training to be Heroes!"


    Saffron just nodded. "And if there isn''t at least one Hero capable of the Healing and administration you do on a daily basis at each of our Academies, they''ll grind to a screeching halt before the end of a single Season."


    Siobhan chewed air for a little bit before looking sour and saying, "Would you have me train my replacement, then?"


    Saffron shrugged. "Should they outlive you? I suppose so. But mostly I think we ought have at least two Healers in each Infirmary, for a variety of reasons." Siobhan thought about that for a second, but as she opened her mouth to reply, Saffron said, "not least of which would be your maternity leave."


    "Oh, well, I suppose wait, what?" Siobhan squeaked at the end, her face going red. So fuckin'' cute.


    Saffron just nodded. "Not that you are yet, of course. But your Goddess has absolutely expressed interest in making you require such leave."


    "I did what?"


    "Your exact words were ''get her'', meaning Siobhan, ''and anybody else interesting pregnant'', along with some additional thoughts on making sure our house will be able to house the small army of offspring you seemingly intend on having." She smiled at me, letting me know without words that whatever she''d thought about it initially, she''d definitely bought into both the ''make use of all available uteruses'' and ''build a house big enough for a fuckton of kids'' portions of the plan.


    My plan. That was my plan, and the sudden undeniable heat everywhere below my neck let me know that whatever my brain thought about the plan, my body and heart were not just willing, but eager and maybe even a little impatient to start. I realized exactly how much I liked the plan when my hand closed over Siobhan''s wrist and pulled her down into my lap.


    "Did... did you really say that?" I nodded, not because I remembered, but because Saffron did, and every part of me but my brain seemed to. "But we''re both women... and that is quite possibly the dumbest thing I''ve ever said at this point, isn''t it?" I nodded again, pulling her incrementally closer every instant.


    Then Maze bonked me with her book. "Hey!"


    "You could at least wait until I''m done reading."


    I shook my head. "Not that. Don''t use a book for that, it''s rude!" A moment later she bonked me in the face with a throw pillow, my hands being fully occupied with securing Sister Siobhan. "That''s better. And I''m not gonna impregnate her right here and now."


    "No?" Maze sounded exceptionally skeptical.


    "No?" Siobhan, on the other hand, sounded oddly disappointed.


    I nodded to both of them. "She''s got to train her assistants first. Pregnancy is rough on some women. Yeah, lots of them keep working right up until the day the kid pops out, but I had a friend back in the day who got sick, like, a few weeks in, and didn''t stop vomiting until like a week after the kid came out."


    "Yuck."


    "Yeah. What''s worse? She was fine with the next one. Didn''t even realize she was pregnant until like month five."


    Saffron, who''d sat down on the far side of Maze and relaxed into the cushions, asked, "did she not notice the lack of monthly flow?"


    I shrugged. "Apparently she still got it the first two months, and hers was pretty irregular. Got worse over the summer when food got scarce." I looked at Maze. "So, like, if you ever find somebody you want to make babies with? Make sure you''re ready to spend several months doing fuck all."


    "Ew. No thank you."


    "Hey, that''s cool too. Not my job to tell you whether to do it or not. Just my job to make sure you have the deets if you decide to."


    She leaned into me, coincidentally adding another hand to those holding Siobhan from getting away, and said, "okay, Papa."


    Weird kid, but holy shit I''d just mommed her without thinking about it, and she reacted like a normal kid with their actual parent. Okay, calling me ''papa'' when I''m quite obviously in possession of tits and a lack of penis is a little weird, but still, I''ve heard weirder things.


    Right about then Marie arrived with a huge tray and a procession of lesser maids and butlers all carrying trays and plates and pitchers and one honest to god soup tureen. Saffron slapped her hands together and said, "okay then." She raised her voice a little and called out, "children? Menace?"


    Less than a ten count later five kids, led by Isnomi, pelted through the door. "Yeth, Ma?"


    "We''ll be eating in the suite tonight." She looked at the wait staff and said, "we''ll handle everything from here; it will do the children some good to help Marie with returning the dishware." With a chorus of ''yes, ma''am'' and ''very good ma''am'', they all left. The moment the door clicked shut on the last of them, she turned to face the rest of us and said, "along with everyone getting dinner, our goal tonight is to get as much of all this," she waved her arms at the collected gently steaming serving trays, "into her," she pointed at Siobhan, "as possible without making her vomit."


    "Saffrommphh!"


    I gave her a peck on the cheek and said, "don''t talk with your mouth full, cutie," while holding a roll in her mouth. That pretty much set the tone for the meal. I got maybe one bite of everything, which included some good roast pork, some steak, mixed steamed veggies, and some mashed orange stuff, and the kids definitely got their fill, but for every bite one of them took Siobhan had one stuffed into her. By the time the other Maenads and ladies started wandering in from the dining room, Siobhan lay in my lap, belly just a little tight from all the food we''d stuffed into her, groaning in mixed contentment and bloating. I''d spent the last half hour or so carefully regulating when she was ready for another bite.


    "Goddess. If I take another bite I''ll burst."


    "Nah. I got you, Siobhan. I''m just gonna keep filling in the top until it comes out the other end. You''re gonna be like a eclair, or maybe a cannoli. A jelly donut? One of those pastry things that you stuff full until stuff starts coming out the other end." I smiled down at her as she focused on, I think, not barfing.


    "You realize I won''t absorb most of this."


    Saffron chose that moment to lean over and give her a little peck on the cheek. "No, you won''t. But I have no intention of letting you continue to starve yourself, and from now on when I say ''eat until you are full'', you''ll know that I mean full, not ''stuffed to overflowing''." Another quick peck on the cheek, then, that''s for when we decide it''s time for your maternity leave.


    So cute to see her blush like that and not pass out. "Can I just stay here for a while?"


    I shrugged. "I''m down. Saffron?" She nodded. "Okay then, it''s settled. You''re here until we all decide you''re fit to start training your assistants."


    Saffron and Marie took care of bedtime, and that left Siobhan and I alone on the couch for most of the night. Maybe halfway between dusk and dawn she stirred and looked up at me. "Do you really want to have a child with me, Tabitha?" I nodded. "I''d... I''d never thought of that before. Being a mother. It scares me a little."


    "We''re all here for you, Siobhan. And..." I paused, sighing. "nobody''s gonna force you to do anything. Not even me."


    "But you want it?" I nodded. "I told you this once before, although you don''t remember. Sometimes all we have to reward others with are ourselves. I... I think I would bear your child just for that reason."


    "Yeah, I don''t want you doing it because you feel obligated."


    She shook her head. "Not obligation, Goddess. Not obligation, or duty, or anything onerous. But rather... a gift only I can give, and I choose to give it to you."


    I sighed. "Kinda want you to maybe want a little mix of you and me running around. But I totally get it if you don''t."


    She smiled up at me, her eyes still drifting shut. "Give it time, Tabitha. That idea may grow on me."


    So weird. So fuckin'' weird. I stayed up all night, but wound up feeling fine the next morning at bath time. Okay, I don''t think I slept. Just sat there watching over Siobhan all night.


    Spent today listening to Maze read to everybody again. Don''t think I''m ever gonna get over being a little bit weepy at that.

 Day Four Hundred And Sixty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    "Redemption, second chances,


    Not a ''get out of jail free'',


    But a chance to do better."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Redemption


    Yeah, this one''s gonna be important. Don''t want to fuck it up. Which really makes me wish I wasn''t the one writing it, but I really can''t do much of anything about that. Like, yeah, I''m supposed to be this kickass Goddess and shit, but I have no idea how to do jack shit. Like, I dunno if I''m supposed to say ''moon power activate'' or what. Then again, I don''t think I''m a Moon Goddess. What the fuck kind of Goddess am I again?


    I guess ''Agency, Egalitarianism, and Redemption'' might make sense, but what kind of powers would a Goddess like that have anyhow? Like, ''the power to let people choose'' doesn''t seem like much of a power. Although I might have just gotten that one by killing the fuck out of anybody who didn''t let people make their own choices. Based on how much killing my ladies have alluded to me doing, that''s disturbingly likely. Same goes for Egalitarianism, just fuck up the racists and sexists and, I dunno, rich people who think being poor is a moral failing? Something like that anyhow.


    But yeah, this section really ought to be important. Like, even if apparently not all that many people know that I got isekaied here from a world that''s got, like, nothing in common with this one except basic geography and some really weird maybe historical parallels. Like, the names. Camden Yards instead of Camden. Phileo City instead of Philadelphia. Newark... like, I don''t even know if Christianity or Judaism are things here, but why else would you name a town ''New Ark'' unless you had an old Ark to compare it to? Those oddities aside, I can''t see where this whole thing isn''t one big second chance for me. And if I deserve a second chance, god fuckin'' knows pretty much everybody else deserves one.


    You sell yourself short, daughter. From what you''ve told me, your first chance wasn''t a fair one, and you''ve done well for yourself and others this time around.


    Yeah, tell that to the, what, twenty thousand people I''ve killed?


    Closer to ten thousand. And then you saved the lives of a million of their friends and families.


    I what?


    A fuzzy chuckle ran through my brain. I know you''ve forgotten so much, but to think that you''ve forgotten that. After the war between Phileo and New Amsterdam, a plague struck both Cities, as well as Calverton and much of Lancaster. After leading the efforts to Cure the inhabitants of Lancaster and the survivors from Calverton, you returned to New Amsterdam and Cured everyone in the City.


    What do you mean, everyone?


    The next moment I saw myself standing in ankle deep water. Every part of me glowing, most of all my hair and visible scars. Right about then I realized that my point of view wasn''t on a shoreline. It was from a rooftop. Looking down over docks with three-masted sailing ships. And the me I watched stood so far out into the water that I couldn''t even really judge how far she was. Just... far. Far enough that I knew that wasn''t a pond, or a lake, or a river, but a bay. Like, Hudson bay, maybe, what with ''New Amsterdam''. And then that light washed out away from me, toward the docks, toward City, along with the echoing words, "Mass Cure." The light washed over my point of view, and everyone around me gasped and cheered, but I watched as a single shrinking figure fell from what had to be miles in the air. How... how did I survive that?


    I don''t know, daughter. Your wife does, I believe. Your Kraken were instrumental in your survival. But beyond that? I do not know. I can only rejoice that you did.


    Thanks, Dad. You''re... I needed that. It''s good to know I''m good for more than just killing people.


    He paused, and I have no idea why he sounded so hurt. Of course, Daughter. That is what Gods and Fathers are for, after all. Reminding those who follow after us of all the good they''ve done.


    So not long after the sun went down, as Maze finished up her last chapter of the day, Siobhan showed up and stumbled over to flop down on the bed next to where I''d played booster seat for Maze all day. "Rough day?"


    She let out a long sigh, then smiled up at me. "It makes coming home to you that much better."


    My face heated, especially as I heard some chuckles and awws from the crowd, but I still reached over to take her hand. I blushed a little more when she rolled over to lay her cheek against our clasped hands. "Did you get help today?"


    She nodded. "Vincent Aetos himself visited, and brought half a dozen scribes." She opened her eyes just long enough to leer up at me. "I think he was disappointed that you weren''t there."


    "Uh, why would I be?"


    She chuckled as she closed her eyes and snuggled my hand again. "Because while one of the Academy''s two Healers might not rate all that high on a Guild''s priority list, the Concubine of the Alliance''s Patron Goddess certainly did."


    I frowned. "I dunno if I like that."


    "Whyever not?"


    After half a second of thinking, I realized that the crowd, which included most of my daughters, were hanging on my words. "Because you do important work, and you should be getting help because you''re doing important work and there''s too much of it for just you. Not because you and I bump uglies."


    She giggled. "I assure you, Mistress mine, no part of you is ugly."


    Okay, yeah, she was definitely having fun making me blush. Screw it, goose, other goose, I''m down. "Thank you, but totally not my point. What if they got pulled off something like, I dunno, fuck, something... more... urgent?"


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    She smiled and snuggled my hand some more. "Paperwork is rarely ''urgent'', Tabitha."


    "Then why were you trying to work yourself to death doing it?"


    "Urgent isn''t the same thing as important."


    I rolled my eyes. "Okay, fine. But... fuck. Okay. Sure. But why wouldn''t you have gotten help without dropping my name?"


    "Oh, I''m sure I would have..." she interrupted herself with a huge yawn. "But I doubt Vincent would have visited personally."


    "Wait a second. Aetos? Like, related to Saffron?"


    She shrugged. "Perhaps. There are a great many Aetos families in Camden Yards, and some have moved across to Phileo over the years."


    "Huh. Yeah, I knew a couple families like that back in the day. So..."


    "Yes?"


    I leaned over, got a solid grip on her shoulders, and pulled her to me. "Are you gonna eat what we tell you to today, or do we have to stuff you again?"


    Her eyes slid open and she said, "I promise to eat each and every thing you put in my mouth?"


    Yeah, she was definitely going for making me blush tonight. We ate downstairs in the dining hall. With Siobhan sitting in my lap. Everybody seemed to think that was fine and normal, and I wasn''t really hungry, so I spent dinner making sure our adorable little Healer ate a full meal, with meat and veg and what looked like a thick pancake made out of corn. No idea what that was about, but it tasted pretty good. Midway through the meal Saffron pouted a little, then walked around to my side of the table to commandeer my other thigh. Everybody pretty much rolled with that. At that point, what was I gonna do, complain about the two hottest women in the room wanting to use me as a chair?


    Weird thing, while I''d definitely pigged out a few times since waking up here, I definitely hadn''t been eating all that much lately, and I didn''t feel hungry at all. Honestly, I ate for the taste more than anything, and with Siobhan needing the food, I pretty much got one bite of everything. Everything else went in Siobhan''s mouth.


    Which, after we''d put all the kids through the evening getting ready for bed routine, described the night''s visit to the room with the mirrored bed.


    Dreamt of feasting on Siobhan popsicles, Marie pasta, and Saffron dumplings. Plus calamari and beans. Weird as fuck, and if I were at all hungry during the day, I''d say it meant I needed more food, but there you go.


    Spent the day reading with Maze again. Today I kinda lay on my side and let her lean against me.


    Right before dinner, before the reading finished up, Saffron, Siobhan, and Marie showed up. "Tabitha, could you come with us, please?"


    I shrugged, ruffled Maze''s hair, gave her a quick forehead kiss and an, "I''ll be back as soon as I can," then stepped over to my ladies. "Okay, lead on." Saffron reached out, took my hand, and we stood in the courtyard at our homestead. A really familiar helmet sat a few yards away. I looked at it, then at the ladies, and sighed. "Okay," I said, stepping over and reaching for it. "I know the deal."


    Saffron grabbed my hand before I touched the helmet. "Tabitha, if all we needed was to speak with you with your memories intact, why would we not have done that at Lancaster House?"


    I stood, shrugged. "The shit that went down last time was freaky enough you want to test whatever out here in the middle of nowhere?"


    She paused, then nodded. "That is it, in part. But there''s another reason." I nodded, and she continued. "You learned many of the... techniques you''ve used both in combat and elsewhere in ways that the rest of us did not. So it I''m not sure if the rest of us can really explain how they work to you."


    "Okay, so..."


    "So I have an idea how to enable you to talk to a version of you with that knowledge. I''m uncertain as to whether our potential enemy did this to seal away the Alliance''s most effective weapon in preparation for an attack, or if there is some other nefariousness at work, but," she paused, sighed. "I would feel far safer if you could at least use some of your Shapes and Spells and other Mana abilities."


    I shrugged. "Sure. What do we do?"


    "First, I''m going to talk to you with the helmet on, to make sure she knows what''s going on."


    I shrugged. "Sure." I kicked the helmet up into my hands and slipped it over my...


    I shook my head. "Fuck I''m impulsive."


    "You said it, not me," Saffron said through her laughter.


    "Also, I remember what she goes through. What I go through like that. Fuck, are there one of us or two of us?"


    Saffron sighed, nodded, and said, "One. I believe. If there were two we would not be connected to you when you were under the effects of the curse."


    I nodded. "Okay, so... priorities. Translocation, Co-Location, Shapeshifting, Mana Blade?"


    She shook her head. "Mana Blade first, then the rest. Fire Bolt if you get the other three and have time before the helmet overheats."


    "This one lasted a couple days before, didn''t it?"


    "It did, but you weren''t casting while you had it on. Nor were you actively Co-Located or Translocating. You''ll recall that the latter is not pleasant with Cold Iron."


    The feel of a chunk of my hip vaporizing in a steam explosion was one that I really kinda envied past me not remembering. "Yeah. Okay. So... you Co-Locate me, I run her through Mana Blade, then Shapeshifting, then Translocation and Co-Location, then Fire Bolt?"


    "Hmm... Can you shapeshift now?"


    I tried to Shapeshift into Saffron, and my head kinda hurt. "Shit. Just a second." I Mimicked her, and while my ears got a little warm, it might have just been from me being a little warmer than her, not, like, ''light my head on fire'' warm. I dropped the Mimicking, slipped a Mana Blade out of my wrist, then tossed a Fire Bolt into the water that still filled our little tunnels. "Think I''m gonna save Translocating for last?"


    Saffron cocked her head for a moment. "That sounds wise."


    "Okay then, let''s do this." I lifted the helmet off my...


    "The fuck?" I went to lower the helmet onto my head again, since it hadn''t gone on the first time, only to have Marie grab my wrists.


    "It''s been a few moments, love. Are you ready?"


    I handed the helmet over to Marie, nodded, and held my hand out to Saffron. "Let''s do this." Saffron took my hand, and a moment later another pair of us stood there, facing the two of us already in the courtyard. A low feedback whine started in my ears, and the edges of my vision fuzzed ever so slightly. On the other hand, two Saffrons. I might have been staring just a little, but I noticed out of the corner of my eye when Marie slipped the helmet over my...


    I stood there looking at myself. Not, like past-me, but me-me, except this wasn''t normal. My brain jackknifed, not unlike how it had done when I hit Calverton with the anti-mind-control whammy during the Liberation. I tried to move, tried to talk, but shit did not work right. This wasn''t the Liberation of Calverton whammy, this was different; when I tried to talk, one of me breathed out and the other one moved its lips, and I couldn''t for the life of me tell which was which. My head pounded, my vision wobbled...


    I screamed as I felt my head explode like a hamster in a microwave. The helmet on the body in front of me crumpled like wet clay when it hit the ground, a charring, pulped mass leaking out. Pain tore at me, and I screamed in pain and horror. I didn''t know what to do except scream at the top of my lungs, flailing, trying to get the burning helmet off my head that wasn''t on my head.


    Hurt, confused, terrified, I ran.


    Ran to the Lancaster House suite. No. Not safe for the little ones. Ran to the Academy suite. No. Armoire, memories of terror. Ran to the Black Dragon, and my feet burned as they hit the top of turret number two.


    Tabitha!


    I followed the sound of his voice. I ran to Mom and Dad.


    The moment I saw Mom, I leapt into her, burying my face in her, clinging to her. I wept and screamed until Dad''s gentle hand came down on my head, and pain and fear left along with consciousness.

 Day Four Hundred And Sixty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    "Do your best making choices,


    Don''t count on second chances,


    And clean up all your messes."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Redemption


    Yeah, gotta start with that, or else you know some people are gonna wind up just fucking spamming bullshit, assuming that they get to try dumb shit that never had a chance of working as many times as they want, and nobody''s gonna stop them from trying over and over and over again, even if the steaks taste like shit and the game is hardly playable. I totally get why there were six copies of it at the Goodwill store. Only thing I''ve ever un-shoplifted. I couldn''t even, like, try to get a refund or anything. Didn''t want to burn it, because I worried about the fumes being toxic. Trust me, when you live in Camden and you''re worried about the fumes from something being toxic? That shit is awful.


    Honestly, that''s gotta be one of the biggest fucking differences between people at the top and the bottom back there. Probably the same here, maybe. Folks in the middle got shit they want to keep, so they''re worried about losing it. People way down at the very bottom don''t, so they''re willing to roll the fuckin'' dice. Of course, the dice are fuckin'' loaded, but now and then somebody manages to make it big. But anybody who doesn''t just crashes and burns, hard. If they''re lucky, they wind up in a pine box. If they''re not, they wind up on the street as somebody''s money maker. The folks on top, though? They fuck up and somebody else pays the bill. Or they pay it but they''ve got enough in the bank for another twenty tries. Or, because the dice are fuckin'' loaded the other way for them, they hit it big the first time.


    Shit, I don''t even really begrudge them the win. I just wish they didn''t try to make it sound like it''s because they''re smart, or skilled, or holy fuck does it piss me off when they try to make out like they won because they''re somehow morally superior. Look, motherfucker, you got lucky being born to rich parents, you got lucky finding an idea that worked, and you got lucky that it actually took off and, y''know, actually worked. Don''t give me that bullshit about how you ''worked hard'' to get where you are. I knew dozens of people working three jobs, sixteen hours a day, six days a week. None of them even got fuckin'' medical benefits from work, because legally they''re not working quite enough hours at any one job. Not that they don''t want to, but nobody who hires people from the hood does. Meanwhile the people they''re working for somehow consider sitting in a fuckin'' air conditioned office playing with spreadsheets ''hard work''.


    Yeah, I''m fuckin'' salty as shit about that. Not saying none of the people who hit it big work hard. A lot of them do. A few of them don''t even fuck over the people working for them. But for every idea that somebody had that they worked their ass off for, ten, twenty, thirty more people had the same idea, worked their asses off, and didn''t get lucky, didn''t go viral, didn''t make it big.


    So yeah, second chances. Everybody deserves one, sure. You fuck up, you clean up the mess you made, you get in line for your next go at it. But when I say everybody, I mean everybody, not just the rich and powerful. Fuck, if somebody''s first chance they screwed everyone they met over as hard as they could and called it ''smart'', and they''re all lined up to try that shit again? Why the fuck would I want that asshole to get a second chance? They''re just gonna fuck everything up for everybody more. Odds are they didn''t even clean up after themselves the first time.


    Yeah, I''m in a mood. Fuck off, I died yesterday. It hurt. Scared the fuck out of me, too. I think somewhere between being jump scared by a piece of storage furniture and burning the soles of my feet on turret number two I pissed myself. I didn''t know anything right then except pain and fear and a deep and abiding need to get somewhere safe, somewhere maybe somebody could protect me, could make the pain stop.


    I found that when I found Mom. Yeah, some part of me got that the person I still clung to hours later wasn''t the woman whose hoo-hah I slipped out of way back in the day, but most of me did not give the slightest shit about that. She looked like Mom. She sounded like Mom. She felt like Mom. She smelled like Mom. So obviously she was a duck. Which made me wonder if Loki had a corkscrew penis.


    "I have no clue why you would wonder about that." Credit where it''s due, he never stopped stroking my hair. Neither did Mom.


    "Ever seen a duck penis?" I muttered into Mom''s chest.


    "I can''t say that I have, no."


    I nodded. "Corkscrews. Like three times as long as the duck."


    "How... how is that even possible?"


    If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    I shrugged. "Hydraulics. They mate in midair. So they gotta line up on the she-duck and just, ''pshew'', and hope they get the tip in or some shit, I guess."


    "I have no idea if you''re lying to me or not, I have no idea how to check without actually becoming a she-duck and romancing a he-duck, and I cannot think of any result of that experiment that doesn''t end with me filled with regrets."


    "And duck penis."


    He snorted. "Tabitha..."


    "Duck spooge too, probably, unless you''re really good at curving the he-ducks mid-sexing."


    He finally stopped petting my hair, simultaneously chuckling and shuddering so hard I felt it shake the floor. "How?"


    "How what?"


    "How are you able to joke so soon after running to us in tears?"


    I shrugged. "Defense mechanism. Shitty coping skill. Bleak sense of humor. Take your pick."


    "Will you be well, daughter?" Mom asked, loosening her grip on me.


    In response I clung to her harder than before. "No. No, I will not."


    She just pulled me close again, holding me as I broke down again. I don''t know how long I stood there, sat there, because eventually she sat down and pulled me into her lap. I know some time later I realized she''d sat in Loki''s lap, and his arms encircled us both.


    Eventually Siobhan gasped, breaking the spell. "Tabitha? Pardon, Lord Loki, Lady Sigyn. Is Tabitha...?"


    I shook my head, but pushed myself up enough to see her. I''m not sure what I expected, but her face had nearly as many tear stains as my own, I think. "Hey Siobhan."


    She leaned toward me, every inch of her body lined with tension. I held out my arms, and she practically leapt into them. "I... we... I thought you were dead."


    I found myself running my hands over her hair, not unlike Sigyn and Loki had done with me. "Where are the others?"


    She opened her mouth, but couldn''t speak. A moment later she fed me images. Marie, her hands blackened, racing for the tree line on all fours. Saffron, cradling a body as it fell to dust, then sitting in a round stone pit, her arms around a malformed hunk of metal, rocking back and forth and weeping.


    "Fuck." I wasn''t quite sure whether I was doing it right, but as loud as my mental voice would go I ''shouted'', Priestesses! To me!


    I didn''t have time to brace myself as first Saffron, then Marie slammed into me. They both clung to me, pressing their faces to me. weeping with as much joy and relief as they had been shame and sorrow.


    A moment later a redhead in a stripper''s version of a wedding gown dropped into the room, with what looked like three-foot-long black cored lightsabers extending from her wrists. "My Goddess! You..." The blades of light slid back into her wrists, and she looked a little sheepish. "Apologies, I thought..."


    "Come here, child." Loki''s tone brooked no disagreement, and the redhead stepped over to us. He lay a hand on her shoulder and said, "you need not apologize for anything, Karen Smith, Highest Priestess of my daughter Tabitha Diaz. She called, and you came, ready to do battle."


    She shrugged. "I... she sounded a little stressed. I couldn''t think of anything else that would cause her that much distress." She shook her head, taking in the dirty water dripping from Saffron and the blood, mud, and forest detritus coating Marie. "Did I arrive too late?"


    I may be a dumbass, but I can catch a verbal ball when it''s pitched underhand like Dad did. "It''s okay, Karen. The, uh... curse?"


    "Did you break it?"


    I shook my head. "We were trying to let me... like, amnesiac me like I am now, talk with curse-suppressed me. So she could maybe show me how to do some of the shit she does, so I''m more than a liability."


    "You are not a liability!" Saffron half shouted, half sobbed.


    I pulled her closer, making Siobhan squeak a little. "At the moment, I kinda am," I shrugged. "You can''t tell me with all these scars I never wound up on the injured reserve list? Like, at least once?"


    Still sniffling, she shook her head. Right about then Marie growled out, "Thrice."


    "What? No, she''s not been..."


    Marie growled, then said, "Plague. Phileo. Amsterdam." She paused, and for the first time I heard something other than certainty in her voice. "me"


    "The fuck? Was I stupid enough to throw down with you?" Marie shook her head, burying her face in my shoulder.


    Siobhan whispered, "I think she''s referring to the time you saved her from the Undead in Calverton. You," she paused, tensing, "died then too."


    "Shit, I''ve died four times now?"


    Something resembling a snort of disbelief came out of Loki, followed by a chuckle, and suddenly everybody in the pile was laughing. "Daughter, were we to count the number of times one of your Co-Located selves died, I doubt we''d have enough fingers and toes among the lot of us."


    That hit me. Kinda hard. "Shit. Fuck. Did... did it hurt like that every time?"


    He sighed. "From what you tell me, most times there have been more than just the two of you. Also, for every case I can think of, you''ve been enraged. I''ve heard that cushions one from shocks. I suppose it might do so to that ultimate shock."


    "You suppose? How many times has it happened to you?"


    Loki sighed. "Daughter, to the best of my knowledge, you are the only one to survive such a trauma."


    Right about then I felt the sun dip below the horizon. "Wait... how did you two get so fucked up so fast?"


    "So... so fast?"


    Yeah, clueful I''m not inherently, but sometimes I can catch one when it''s that obvious. "Shit. How long have I been here?"


    Saffron just buried her face in my chest and muttered, "I''ve wept the clock round, love."


    I looked at Loki. "Is there some way you can clean us all up?"


    Saffron looked up at me. "You''re worried about that now?"


    I shrugged. "Not so much about the mess, but about how much worse it''s gonna hit the kids if we show up after a day away looking like we got the shit kicked out of us."

 Day Four Hundred And Sixty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    "Redemption isn''t painless,


    Nor is it given for free,


    But it can always be earned."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Redemption


    Yeah, not like I earned mine, but something tells me I paid for it nonetheless. Like, I got it from a lottery or something. But something strikes me as wrong putting that in a holy book. Like, what am I supposed to say, ''you get another chance if you get lucky''? I''m supposed to be encouraging people to get back up and try again, to do better than they did the first time. I think I''ve done that; my first go round I pretty much checked out when Mom died. I deliberately avoided engaging with the world.


    I... I''m engaged here. Like, both in the ''I have skin in the game'' sense and in the ''I have a ring on my finger'' sense. Fuck, I''ve got two rings on my finger, and I can''t really tell which one is the wedding ring and which one is the engagement ring. Shit, I''m married and engaged. How does that even work? Okay, I''m not a complete idiot, I get that I''m married to Saffron and gonna be married to Marie, but... Monogamy? I mean, I never really expected that in my last life, so I''m not sure why I''m even worried about it in this one.


    On the one hand, I think I''d get really upset if Saffron wanted somebody else. But on the other hand, she clearly wants Marie, and I''m fine with that. I do too. So I guess, like, it''s okay if we both want her? What about Siobhan? Like, the three of us have all basically done whatever with whoever whenever we''ve had alone time, and frankly I''ve been way too busy getting busy with whoever''s business I was busy with to be a busybody with anybody else, so I''m not sure exactly what it would be like to actually watch from the sidelines. Or, shit, to see them with somebody else.


    Wait, Saffron actively offered to invite Third Hemsworth and his buddy home with us, and I''m pretty sure she wasn''t thinking about moving furniture. Not, like, in any kind of deliberate way. Shit, if Marie being athletic didn''t move that mirrored bed, I''m pretty sure it''s not moving, period.


    Speaking of moving, I definitely felt some kinda way that Karen showed up ready to throw down. Even moreso when she looked at me and said, "Goddess, should we remain until sunrise, I believe I can clean you all up."


    I shook my head. "I don''t want them spending another night alone."


    "I could go watch over them?"


    I almost nodded, but Saffron said, "wait." She turned to me and said, "you can feel the sun?"


    My mouth worked soundlessly for a few moments until I said, "how did you know?"


    She shrugged. "You ate Apollo. Consumed his power. A few times since then sunrise or sunset has come at coincidentally opportune moments. A few others, the sun itself reversed its course. Call it an educated guess."


    I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, sure, I can feel what it is, but I can''t exactly just reach out and pull it back and forth." Without really thinking about it I stretched out the part of me that could tell the sun had set not long before and yanked back and forth.


    The moment I mentally shoved it back over the horizon, Karen rose from the floor, glowing. Something siphoned away from me, and that glow reached out from her and wrapped around the little group of us. When the glow died down, every bit of evidence that Saffron had been kneeling in a pool of dirty, bloody water weeping since yesterday was gone. And her makeup was perfect.


    Saffron looked up at me, giggled, and waved Karen over. When she got close enough, Saffron snagged her and pulled her into the big group hug on Loki''s lap. "Thank you, Karen." Then she turned to me. "So, Tabitha, will you take us home?"


    I stared at her, still trying to come to grips with the utterly insane idea that I''d just wobbled the sun back and forth like I had a solar remote control. "The fuck?"


    She smiled at me, reaching up to brush at my hair, but never completing the movement. Instead she laughed. "I think this is only the second time I''ve seen you with your hair perfectly coiffed, and your face done up with cosmetics."


    "Uh, when was the first time?"


    Hunger flickered in her eyes. "The Solstice, when we demolished Aphrodite''s temple to make way for yours." She turned to Karen. "How goes that, by the way?"


    Karen shrugged. "Conrad''s designs for the foundation are more complex than I''d like, and I''m not sure I like some of his more... esoteric additions, but he''s provided very clear, easy to follow directions. Not to mention providing most of the difficult to acquire ingredients."


    Saffron looked to me, and I tilted my head and said, "additions?"


    She nodded. "There is an oubliette." I frowned, and she added. "He told me to relay a message to you regarding it; ''should you let your supposed peers know of its existence, it ought never need be used''."


    I didn''t mean to look at Saffron at that point, but the low, feral growl coming out of her wouldn''t let me do anything else. "The fuck?"


    She looked up at me, and if some of her grins were clearly HR nightmares, this one was an assault and battery charge waiting to happen. "Gods, love. Deities. Those unworthy of the title. If I know our son, you will now have a place to imprison them, should you feel it necessary. One from which they can escape no more easily than your Maw."


    I froze with my mouth open for a moment. "Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Maw? Like, when you said I ate Apollo, you weren''t being metaphoric?"


    She just shrugged. "Oh, it happened in Metaphoric Space, so obviously some metaphor was involved. But our son only retrieved enough of him to form a cane, so I assume you ate the rest."


    I''d like to say I felt ill, but honestly? For the first time since I woke up here I felt a little... hungry. "Uh..."


    "Perhaps you ought show her, ladies."


    Marie ended the argument with a simple, "Yes."


    Saffron took my hand in hers, wrapping her other hand around Siobhan''s. Siobhan took Marie''s hand and asked, "shall I?"


    Stolen story; please report.


    My wife just looked at her with the smuggest grin ever and said, "yes, Siobhan. Take us to the place of your defloration."


    Siobhan tugged just a bit on us, and the four of us stood on an endless field of... It took me a second to realize they were tentacles. Hundreds. Thousands. Millions of them, until they looked like a waving meadow. The sun shone down on us, only just approaching the horizon to the west. The big, rocky mountains on the horizon. Right about then I realized those were, in fact, the Rocky Mountains, and we could see them because we were nowhere near the ground. "Holy shit." Then Saffron''s words hit. "Wait... defloration?"


    Siobhan''s smile pegged my cuteness meter, and her faint blush didn''t hurt either. She stepped over close and stood on tiptoe to give me a kiss on the cheek. "Right here, in the land of the gods, on a field of your tentacles, my Hero, my Goddess, my Tabitha, you took every part of my freely given maidenhead like the most precious gift you''d ever been given."


    "Not every bit," muttered Saffron, although her voice had more humor than genuine complaint.


    "Oh, hush, you. ''Tentacles don''t count''. You two just wanted an excuse to have your way with me." Saffron shrugged, but when she opened her mouth to reply, Siobhan gently cut her off, saying, "not that you needed one. Need one. Silly Kitten."


    "Someone wants to get bitten, I see," growled Saffron.


    "I answer your attempted threats with the words of my wise and loving Goddess, who said, ''don''t threaten me with a good time''." Gotta hand it to Siobhan, she managed to get to the end of that without laughing. No further, though; at that point she started giggling. Every time she got near stopping, she looked at Saffron, who mock glowered at her, which started the giggles again.


    "Uh, okay, I think the only reason I''m not freaking out is because all this is way too crazy to register as real." I stopped, then looked at Siobhan again, my brain skipping tracks like a coked up DJ. "Wait, tentacles? Defloration? The absolute fuck?"


    Siobhan''s eyes went all dreamy, and she totally did a Nestea plunge back onto the carpet of tentacles we stood on. Then, as she blew the last few circuit breakers on my sanity by stroking her hands across the tentacle tips, and somewhere in the back of my brain I felt that, she crooned out, "yes, Tabitha. Absolutely fucked, as thoroughly and passionately and mercilessly as I asked you to. You were wonderful."


    I flopped backwards myself, my ass landing on some tentacles that thoughtfully came up to catch my ass like a chair. Because I really wanted a place to sit, and tentacles seemed like a... Goddamn my ass was rock solid, like buns of steel would bend and break if I bounced my ass off them. I think I giggled a little at that point. "I don''t see a Maw though?"


    The others moved over to me when I said that, Saffron taking a single swaying step that glued my gaze to her hips, Marie stalking over from where she''d been doing... something with one of the tentacles, and Siobhan just rolling over until her head rested atop my feet. "That is your most sacred place, love." Saffron leaned that hip against my shoulder, and without thinking I pulled her around so I could bury my face in her belly to stifle my giggles. "We, along with your lesser Clergy, all visit that when we pray, in our shallowest dreams at night, but... to go there in person? Few have done so and returned."


    "You make it sound..." I stumbled to a stop, my train of thought refusing to move. Marie stepped up and put her arms around Saffron and I, a firm, warm, weight at my back. Siobhan wrapped her arms around my ankles like my feet were a pillow. Eventually I managed to force out. "Am I the Bad Guy?"


    Saffron shrugged, which did extremely distracting things to the portions of her anatomy sheltering my head from the lack of weather. "Some would say so. Perhaps many. This," she waved an arm I couldn''t see, clearly referring to the endless waving field of tentacles. "This is you, love. Mimic. Primordial. Matriarch of the Mor Pantheon by conquest and declaration. Terror Incarnate. Walking Ragnarok. Black Swan with a thousand, thousand young." She laced her fingers through my hair and pulled my face back to look up at hers. I even managed to avoid being distracted by what was framing her face from the angle I looked at her. "Do you want to know what you''ve done with this vast, dark power, my love?"


    "I''ve... hurt people, haven''t I?"


    She shrugged. "You have. A Goddess kidnapped our daughter, your daughter, and sacrificed her a little over a year ago. A few weeks ago, when she failed to live up to the terms of her parole, you tortured her to death."


    "I... did what?"


    "Tortured her to death," the way she said that, so matter of fact, so unconcerned, threw me. "Conrad tells me it took close to twelve hours. I would have had it take longer, but he approved of the ''artistic merits'' of your choice to do it from Moonset to Moonrise." She shrugged. "In this as in all things, I bow to the will of my Goddess. Just before last Yule, a man orchestrated an act of betrayal that you believed caused my death. You maimed him as permanently as such things can be done, after destroying the army he sent to follow up on his betrayal."


    "Maimed him..."


    "You cut his hands and feet off, gouged out his eyes, burned off his tongue and nose, and burned his cock off. Wait, no..." She paused, and for a moment I thought maybe she was about to say I hadn''t actually done a ''to the pain'' on some poor bastard. "You burned his cock off later, when he betrayed the Alliance. That was when you burned his eyes out permanently too."


    "How... how can you all just sit here snuggling with me when I did all that shit?"


    "Would you allow me to finish, Goddess?"


    "Sure," I said with a hysterical little chuckle.


    "The Goddess? You Revived her. Renamed her. And she swore allegiance to you, because she knew as well as you did that she deserved that punishment. The City you broke? Or, rather, the City whose military you broke? When a plague threatened to kill every man, woman, and child in that city of a million Souls? You Cured them. All of them, all at once, so the Plague could neither hide nor spread nor ''mutate'' to threaten us again. You did that while slaying not one but two Gods of Plague who stood against you, because those deaths would have given them more power. You Cured the remnants of Calverton, led the Army sent to Liberate that City from the Undead, and..." She stopped, the way somebody will when they can barely believe what they''re about to say, "you healed the Undead. You saved people from something which the Gods themselves consider an incurable curse, anathema just for being infected with it."


    She shook her head, then leaned down to kiss my forehead. "You, love, are the greatest villain to ever exist for anyone who desires the status quo to remain. The status quo which has left us with ''indoor plumbing'' and ''street lighting'' as the greatest inventions of the most advanced City in the world. That has left Mortals scrabbling for the crumbs the Gods throw to us to watch us fight over them."


    "But to us? Mortals? You are our Goddess. Our Champion. Our Hero." Siobhan''s quiet whisper from down at my feet shouldn''t have been so clear. But the tentacles cradling her heard it.


    "Yes." Marie, like always, ended the debate.


    "I... I need to think about this. Can we go home to the kids? Just... spend some time with them? As a family? Please?"


    Saffron smiled down at me. "You are our Goddess, love." Her smile slipped just a little. "I wish I could give you more, give you an eternity of lazy days with our children, but I fear one day is the most we can afford you."


    I closed my eyes and sighed. "Yeah. I get it. I take it you''ve got info about the curse?" She nodded. "Can we even afford that one day?"


    She smiled down at me. "After all you''ve done for us? How you''ve stood against the powers of heaven and earth to give us a chance to make the world a better place? We, your devoted Clergy, will see it so."


    I smiled up at them. "Okay. Let''s get home then?"


    Saffron smiled down at me, then nodded. "Take us there?"


    "Uh..."


    "You Translocated when you ran from us, did you not?"


    "That teleporty thing? Yeah?"


    "Just so. Hold us, who cling to you, with your hands and heart and mind, picture the place clearly, and move us there."


    I snuggled them all, trying to ignore how much of that snuggling was being done by the field we all lounged on. I pictured the bedroom at Lancaster House. Tension filled me, a sense of potential, but we just sat there. "Um..."


    "Move." Marie whispered.


    I closed my eyes, shifted, and the next moment sat on the end of the bed, the others arrayed around me much as they had been on the field of tentacles. A moment later, a single voice told me we were home.


    "MAMA!"

 Day Four Hundred And Sixty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    "Redemption must go both ways,


    Forgive to be forgiven,


    Allow others to repent."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Redemption


    I don''t know if future me is more mature than me, or if she''s just subjectively older and more experienced, but I''m really hoping she doesn''t mind if I slip a double entendre or three into this Holy Book of ours. Yes, that one is absolutely deliberate. Have you met me? And yeah, I''m not at all copacetic about it, but ''our'' Holy Book.


    Seriously. I pulled the sun backward through the sky yesterday. Double sunset for whatever country Loki''s cave sits under.


    The North, daughter. Which is a ''country'' only in the sense of being ''the North lands''. Your Alliance is the closest to an actual Mortal ''country'' in all of Europa and Atlantis.


    Good to know! Thanks, Dad! I don''t know exactly how I could tell, other than the whole mental connection mojo, but he seemed a little down, so I followed that up with, my Dad best dad!


    If his reply came back a little bittersweet, at least it had the sweet to soften the bitter. I know.


    Anyhow, I can''t exactly sit here saying shit like ''I''m not a Goddess'' when I can literally slide the sun back and forth in the sky. Okay, I guess there''s some kind of slim possibility that I just fooled myself. And Saffron. And Mom and Dad. And Marie and Siobhan. Not to mention apparently fooling Karen and her dress, which I''ve found out is a creation of The Weyland Smith. Who is my adopted son. Conrad. Okay, yeah, too much, weirdness overload, I''m rolling it back to ''our'' Holy Book for now.


    Yes, there is a maximum amount of weirdness I can tolerate all at once. Okay, normally I can just go with the flow and let it wash over me and, y''know, ignore that shit. But I''m tryna get my shit together here, because there are people I care about counting on me, and holy shit that is still such a fuckin'' weird sensation to me. Like, caring about people is a little weird, but not totally alien. I cared about my mom. I cared about my sister, even if she was kind of a bitch. Okay, since I''m tryna be mature here, I was absolutely just as much of a whiny little bitch as she was a bossy big one. But I still cared about her, and in retrospect I can see she cared about me. But I never really showed them that. Yeah, I gave my mom hugs and sat with her, but that was at least as much for me as it was for her. Yeah, I spent time with her, but I''m not sure it really counted as ''quality time''. I don''t think I ever showed my sister that I cared about her. Which I guess I did, since I kinda feel guilty about that now.


    But here? Now? I don''t know whether it was Saffron, Marie, Siobhan, or the kids, or some bizarre alchemy of all of them together, but I absolutely care about them all, and I don''t hesitate to show it. Hell, it feels wrong not to show it. Like when they told me I had kids I thought it would wind up being weird, like there would be little aliens living in my house with me that I had no connection to, but...


    Look, I think it says something important that my biggest realization over the past forty eight wasn''t that I am, apparently, a Goddess. Sun Goddess, Lovecraftian Tentacled Horror Goddess, Trickster Goddess making people think she''s a Sun Goddess and Tentacled Horror; whatever kind of Goddess I am, I am one, but that pales in importance to the fact that when I heard Isnomi scream ''mama''? I knew I was home. Not, like, the Lancaster House suite, although that qualified, but anyplace with my partners and my kids? That was fuckin'' home.


    Home. Such a weird fuckin'' feeling. Like, ''I''m safe here'' combined with ''I love the people here'' and ''the people here love me'', which is weird as fuck, with a kind of almost imperceptible tension from ''if anyone ever tries to make any one of the people who are Home to me not safe, I will fucking erase them from history''. Which... fuck, ''Lovecraftian Horror'', so that might well be within the bounds of what I can do. As if that isn''t fuckin'' weird enough? My arms just kinda stretched out of their own accord, catching first Isnomi, making a menace of herself by taking a flying squirrel leap straight at my face, then Maze, who squeezed her eyes shut as she glomped me, like she couldn''t be that open about shit with her eyes open, but wasn''t about to not glomp me.


    The rest of our little horde of kids circulated through the four of us. Even Siobhan got touched and hugged, and eventually wound up pulling herself up into a tailor seat so Lindsey could sit in her lap. Alex might have been a little bitchy with the way she whomped her butt down in Saffron''s lap like she owned it, but fuck it, if anybody can keep a headstrong kid in line it''s Saffron, the source of more Boss Bitch energy than anyone else I''ve ever seen. Daya and David both wound up in Marie''s lap, Daya snuggled in between the two of them until she almost disappeared, while David just leaned against her, closed her eyes, and sighed her contentment.


    After that, the other women who''d been staying in the suite with us kinda cycled through welcoming us home. It wasn''t until Marie''s sisters all wandered through, nodding to her as they passed, that my brain caught a clue. I thought at Saffron, it''s like they think we''re holding court or something.


    She smiled slyly up at me. You mean you''re not?


    Me? You''re the Imperator!


    And you are the Champion and Patron Goddess of the Alliance, love.


    I sat there staring at her, kinda glad the only people left to come greet us were Maenads, who really paid more attention to Marie than me. I have no idea how to feel about that. Like, I don''t want them worshipping... fuck.


    Indeed. Although I''m sure everyone would prefer we get Karen to sit before your Revel.


    I stared some more. Wait. You''re tryna tell me I''m also a fuck Goddess?


    There is a reason you took Aphrodite''s Temple, love.


    I tried to keep my shoulders from slumping. I have no idea how to handle this.


    She leaned into me, and totally proved my point about Alex when the heavier girl shifted to make sure she didn''t disturb Saffron, me, or the two in my lap. Let them touch you, speak with you, reassure themselves that you are here. That''s what this type of court is for, love. So that those you protect can see that you are, and will be, here for them.


    I just sat there for a while as everybody except our little ones went back to what they''d been doing. Isnomi and Alex chattered about the game they''d been playing earlier, some kind of variation on tag, I think. Every now and then Maze shut down an incipient argument with word or two. Neither of the others argued with her version of the facts. Guess she''s the arbiter in their little social circle. Shit, I''ve got enough kids to have a whole social circle. Fuck, I''ve got enough partners to have a social circle. A small one anyway.


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    Right about then Saffron announced dinner time, and we all trundled down to the dining room. Apparently Marie is absolutely fine being in more than one place at a time and letting everybody else know it, because the one of her who walked down with us sat down with the kids to keep them vaguely civilized, while another one led the procession of servers out from the kitchens. I noticed right about then that the folks staying with us didn''t get served the way we, meaning Saffron, Siobhan, the Lancasters and I did so much as getting trays of food delivered kind of like the kids. That sorta made me feel some kinda way, but as best I could tell they weren''t getting different food, just not quite so much individual table service.


    Baby steps.


    I smiled at Saffron to let her know I absolutely was not gonna throw down with our hosts over something that petty. Especially when the five of us getting individual service were, in fact, being served by Marie and a dude who looked like he could crack coconuts from sheer rectal pressure. I didn''t think butlers did that kind of thing, especially with all the maids in attendance, but fuck it, still not gonna rock the boat in this case.


    Slept through the night, then spent the next day teaching the kids how to play checkers. One of the end tables had the right eight by eight grid, and I scrounged up some buttons to work as markers. Daya and David both seemed to enjoy it, but Alex and Lindsey both couldn''t sit still long enough. Isnomi... couldn''t either, but she didn''t let that stop her.


    Then, not long before dinner, Maze sat down across from me. Then proceeded to clean my clock. Like, wiped the fuckin'' floor with me. Then she pulled open the drawer with the actual checkers in it. Apparently the reason Alex and Lindsey hadn''t stuck around was they gave up trying to beat my sneaky little pony girl a couple weeks after they all arrived. Daya and David actually hadn''t learned to play before, too shy.


    Screw it. I laughed it off, because at the end of the day it really was kinda hilarious to have Maze beat me at checkers. Also made me feel good about not being the kind of parent who got bent out of shape when their kid beat them at something.


    When we gathered up in the bathroom at the end of the night, after sending the kids into the other room to bed down, I looked at Saffron and said, "Now?"


    She shook her head. "In the morning."


    So I managed to get two solid nights sleep into me before having to deal with the crazy bullshit that melted my head off.


    We got Maze set up reading to the quieter kids, the moms, and the Maenads, then Saffron stepped the four of us to the room with the bed. "Uh... not what I had in mind?"


    She smiled and hugged me. "The room is soundproof, has no windows, and is more than a little difficult to find and hide in. It''s also easier to get into and out of than your cabin on the Black Dragon."


    I nodded. "Fair points. So. What do we know?"


    "First, our son has reached the limits of his knowledge, but he has some results."


    "So we know who put this whammy on me?"


    She shook her head. "No. Not precisely anyhow. What we know is that the curse is in fact a Fae Shaping, and it was placed by a Fae of House Crow."


    "Okay, so... do we know where House Crow is?"


    She nodded. "The current head of House Crow is the present ruler of Rich Mans'' Port."


    I sighed. "Shit. Are... are we at war again?"


    She shook her head. "Conrad knows Lady Crow''s signature. Unless she has gone to the trouble to disguise her signature so well that our son cannot pierce that veil."


    "Yeah, why don''t I think that''s not really likely?"


    "Because it''s not."


    I shrugged. "So, how do we find out more?"


    "We go pay a visit to Mayor McCann, who can hopefully tell us if any members of the House are in Calverton now."


    "All four of us?"


    Saffron shrugged and looked at Siobhan. "You''re welcome to join us, but...?"


    Siobhan sighed. "I have work to attend to."


    After giving her an extended physical farewell, we let her get back to her work, at which point Marie and I took Saffron''s hands. The next moment we stood in front of a big assed white rock. Looking at it for half a second I realized it was a hunk of marble with cracks through it, dug into the ground like it had landed where it lay at speed. I stared, transfixed, as I spotted a ragged piece of blackened cloth sticking out from the edges. I missed most of the conversation between Saffron and a big beefy dude as I stared at the rock and that cloth.


    I finally looked up and around at the rest of the room. Really weird; the rock, a table next to it, and a simple camp chair next to the table sat on bare earth. The rest of the room had a nice stone floor, with a bunch of chairs and little writing desks in a curve around the room, all focused on the rock and table and chair.


    Yeah, it hit me kinda hard. No idea why. Eventually Saffron walked back to where Marie and I stood and waved us over closer. "According to Mayor McCann, there were no official diplomats in the City. The House of Crow does have a townhouse in Calverton though. While he''s not certain of the exact address, or if the house itself remains intact, Marylin Calvert would have known the location of the house."


    "Okay. Marylin Calvert. Do we know where she is?"


    Saffron shrugged. "I believe she was overseeing the construction of a new Temple to Loki in Calverton." Then she sighed. "I''m afraid I''m needed here for the day, however." She turned to Marie. "Can you escort her?"


    "So... I''m supposed to go find Marylin Calvert at the Temple of Loki in Calverton, and find out where the House of the Crow in Calverton is?" She nodded. "Okay then." I took a deep breath, let it out. "I can do this." I grinned at her. "Have a nice day... Kitten!" I leaned over and gave her a kiss on the lips, grabbed Marie by the hand, and stepped to the deck of the Black Dragon.


    Are you certain?


    Yeah, I got this!


    It''s good to hear you confident, love. Let me know if you need anything.


    Will do!


    Pulling Marie along behind me, I raced for the bridge, calling out, "Orla! Orla, you around?"


    She stepped out of the bridge just as we got there. "Yes, Champion?"


    "I need to get to the new Temple of Loki to find Marylin Calvert. Do you know where... it... is?"


    The moment I mentioned Marylin Calvert, Orla''s face went blank. "Did... did you say Marylin Calvert?" Her arms twitched, like she wanted to grab at me.


    "Yeah. Why, do you know her?"


    "Do I," she spluttered. "Of course I know my own little sister."


    "Little sister? Cool! Do you know where the Temple of Loki is?"


    As she shook her head, Loki''s voice sounded in my head. She is my High Priestess to the City of Calverton. And your subordinate.


    Huh? Why?


    He sighed. Because you are my Priestess High, set above all others. A moment later, Loki showed up in his little normal blonde guy form. "Would you like an escort to my new Temple here?"


    I took Orla''s unresisting hand, then said, "sure!"


    Loki lay his hand on my shoulder and said, "if you don''t mind," everything felt a lot breezy as my uniform got replaced by a single swatch of silk that covered one leg and my tits and not much else. Before I could even ''what the fuck'', we stood in a big, open building obviously under construction.


    Before I could say anything, Orla bolted away from me to charge a younger woman dressed in a single swatch of scarlet silk not unlike my own. Orla screamed out, "MARY!" The big woman lifted her up and spun her around; the two of them had a tearful, joyous reunion right there in the middle of the construction site.


    While they did, Loki leaned over to me and said, "I think you can take it from here, daughter. But remember this. This, too, is part of your legacy. One sister who was lost to the Undead, the other to the Plague, and you Cured both of them. Remember that when your black moods take you."


    I pulled him into a hug. "Thanks, Dad. You''re the best."


    No idea why he broke down a little bit right then, but we stood there hugging it out while I waited for Orla and Marylin. "I know," he muttered, then disappeared.


    Took like half an hour for Marylin and Orla to finish up their reunion enough to get back to me. When they did, they both came over to me. "What did you need, High Priestess?" Marylin asked.


    "Can you show me the way to the House of the Crow?"


    The two of them led me there, through the far less devastated City I remembered waking up in...


    Right to the spot I''d woken up.

 Day Four Hundred And Sixty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    "Redemption needs penitence,


    If you don''t know you did wrong,


    You can''t try to do better."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Redemption


    Yeah, I think this whole book is gonna be another back and forth, only this time instead of back and forth between ''judging fairly'' and ''equal opportunity'', it''s gonna be ''give others second chances'' and ''stop doing the same damn dumb shit every time''. Because if I''m gonna be a Goddess of Redemption, I gotta make sure that I''m backing continuous improvement, not Endless Fuckup Works. So that means leaning just as hard on ''own your fuckups'' as I do on ''fucking up is not a capital offense''.


    I mean, think about how fucked up a world that would be for a second. If the moment you fucked up you were over and done. Nobody I know would have made it out of diapers. Even if you only started the clock once somebody passed the increasingly arbitrary ''adulthood'' line, I''m pretty sure the only people who would hit their next birthday would be the deeply repressed sorts who never do anything differently any day of the week, because they''re on the spectrum or have OCD or, like, bought into religion way too hard way too young or something.


    Let''s face it, most of us screw up all the fuckin'' time. Some people are clumsy, some people lack skills, some people have no filter between their intrusive thoughts and the world. Hell, mostly we''re just all imperfect human beings tryna survive and maybe thrive with a vastly insufficient understanding of the laws of physics and how they apply to us. All that''s before we even add in like, written laws from governments and shit. Social ''rules'', where people are just making shit up as they go along, and pretending afterward like there''s some universal ''rules'' that social interactions follow.


    Yeah, there are some broad strokes. Don''t hurt people who haven''t hurt you or yours. Help people when you can. Don''t leave a mess behind yourself if you can clean it up. Don''t hide shit when you fuck up, because then instead of at least somebody fixing it, it winds up festering and getting worse. Try to do better tomorrow than you did yesterday. Make sure everybody gets a fortune cookie before the end of the meal. All that good stuff.


    So yesterday, kinda late in the day, Orla and Marylin and I got to the townhouse owned by House Crow. It also happened to be the first place I remember after my memories of the Aquarium in my original Camden.


    The place was an absolute wreck. Something had hit it hard, almost like it had been shelled. Except if it had been hit by one of the New Jersey... Black Dragon''s sixteen inch shells, there wouldn''t be a building here any more. This was... different. The upper half of the front wall had collapsed, and lay in two halves inside the bottom floor. Something had punched a hole through it, but it looked like a corner had been melted off of it. The bottom half of the front wall was missing, although there was a door with a fancy crow symbol half embedded into the front wall of an abandoned building across the street.


    I''d come to atop the half of the front wall still lying in the entryway of the townhouse. I say ''entryway'', but the room took up most of the first floor. Looking around the melted off section of wall, I saw a plain square room, one that would have only had one entrance if the ceiling hadn''t been caved in. The room had almost no light, and I saw everything in the room in a kind of weird wireframe.


    "Shall we try to find the master of the house''s office? If there''s any correspondence or record books, it might at least tell us whether any of the House of Crow were in residence; if not, that tells us they either left in good order or abandoned the house long before the general evacuation from the City."


    I nodded, trying to figure out what I was looking at without going into the basement. "Sure. Orla, stick with her, keep her safe?"


    "Hah! See! Even your own High Priestess knows you need a sitter!"


    "Be nice, Orla. Marylin''s been doing a bang up job for Loki here in Calverton."


    "Thank you, Champion!"


    The sounds of the two of them bickering faded into the back areas of the house. I waved Marie forward, and when she came up next to me, I asked her, "can you see anything down in that hole?"


    She blinked, stared, shifted her head and blinked a few more times. "Cold."


    "Okay. Cool. So there''s nothing alive down there. Good to know." In the gloom and sudden cold as the sun dipped below the horizon, I tried to piece together how shit had fallen apart into the basement. Seeing nothing but shapes helped a little with that, I think. "Okay, check me on this. Something came through the upper front wall. Caved it the fuck in. At some point later something cut a corner off it."


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    "Blade."


    Something told me she wasn''t talking about a piece of sharpened steel. A moment''s thought and I asked, "like those things Karen had?" At Marie''s nod, I said, "Cool. Okay, so..." I put a hand under the front wall, braced my feet, and lifted it. Figured I might be able to at least see under it, and surprised the fuck out of myself when it flipped clean across the room. "Whoa. Don''t know my own strength."


    "Literally." Marie chuckled.


    With that out of the way, I saw a pillar or column that had collapsed and had been laying under it. I rolled that aside to get a clear view into the basement. The room was pretty empty, just a simple chair and desk, both smashed to shit. The chair in particular looked like something from Ikea that had been put together by two chimpanzees hopped up on acid and cocaine. Something else lay between them, half under the desk. In fact, the desk had kind of collapsed onto it. Seriously, it looked like whatever it was had hit the desk at highway speeds and just crunched under it.


    My brain kinda flickered, free associating as the wheels spun from lack of anything resembling coherent input. Highway speeds. Cars. High speed collisions. Black Dragon. Sixteen inch...


    "ORLA! MARYLIN! GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE!" I pushed Marie behind me. "Marie! Get. Them. Out!"


    She evaporated, and I stood stock still, trying to figure out if me manhandling the remains of the building up here had done anything to upset the very un-exploded warhead down in the basement.


    "Champion!" Orla called from outside on the street. "What''s going on?"


    "Unexploded sixteen inch shell from the Black Dragon! It''s in the basement here... I don''t think it''s..." I heard something, almost like a setting sound, down in the basement. "Oh, shit, EVACUATE!"


    I turned and ran. Thankfully, I saw the other three running in front of me. Then Marie appeared behind them, grabbed them, and disappeared. I remembered that I did not in fact need to run. Before I could put any kind of Teleport shenanigans into action, something slammed into my shoulder. I stepped, pushing as hard as I could when my tele didn''t port.


    Heat. Pressure. Pain. Then I hit the bed with the mirrors face first.


    Siobhan?


    Yes, Tabitha?


    I think I need a Healer in the bedroom.


    I heard her behind me, her voice receding with every word. "So we''re going to be playing at that Oh Dear Sweet Canta what happ..."


    And then everything went black.


    I woke up in a pile of warm little bodies in the Academy Suite office. Okay, one big purring body under my head, one small adult on either side of me, and six little ones piled in everywhere they could find room. I looked over at my right shoulder, half expecting to see a complete lack of shoulder. Instead I had a scar I didn''t remember seeing there before, a big ropy one that started right at the top of my tit and looped over to where I couldn''t see it any more.


    "Ow." That didn''t seem to cover the amount of ache my shoulder threw at me. "Fuck. Fuck and ow."


    Siobhan bounced upright, blinked twice, then fell on me. Okay, not ''fell'' in the tripped or attacked sense, but she definitely had some intent to land a kiss on every part of my face. "Tabitha! Oh, thank Canta." Then she grabbed a bolster and whacked me on the head. "Don''t scare me like that!"


    At that point Saffron started her little kissing and licking thing along my other side, and Isnomi managed to get herself upright. "What happened?"


    "Mama blow hewthelf up!"


    Before I could respond to that, Marie''s droll, "Twice." left me lying there with my mouth gaping open.


    Eventually Saffron did not come to my rescue. "Tabitha, I cannot believe I am having to tell you this a second time, but attempting to Translocate with Cold Iron embedded in your flesh is highly contraindicated."


    I opened my mouth to reply, but before I could converse, I had to make an important announcement. "Ow. Fuckin'' hell, ow. Also, I am beginning to dislike Cold Iron intensely."


    "For what it''s worth, the Fae would agree with you. Do you remember finding anything in the Crow Townhouse?"


    I shrugged. "Looked like a cell, or maybe a panic room? Underground room with one entrance, but the ceiling had broken or caved. That''s where the shell was."


    "Shells."


    "Dafuq?"


    "After we had you Healed, Marie informed us there were two explosions within the townhouse. Both seemingly of similar strength, one from that room you found, the other from closer to the back. The Calvert sisters wish to thank you, by the way."


    I shrugged, and immediately regretted it. "Not like I remember saving either of them."


    "Except you did it again." At my confused look, Saffron explained, "had you not sent Marie to evacuate them, they would have wound up right in the center of the second blast."


    "Oh. Well. Yeah, okay, they can buy me dinner or something when I''m up to doing something more strenuous than laying here and moaning." A sudden thought struck me as I felt the sun drop below the horizon. "How long was I out?"


    "It''s sunset on Saturnday, love. We''ve just put the children to bed a few minutes ago, and a certain Menace ought to be getting back to sleep if she knows what''s good for her."


    Fake snoring filled the room along with the regular quiet kind. "So... what''s next?"


    She smiled, shifted, and the four of us lay on the mirrored bed. A moment later Marie slid a big covered tray onto the bed as the other two propped me up with some pillows and bolsters. "Next, my love, we feed you, pamper you, and put you back to sleep, because until the Trolls are done excavating the Crow Townhouse and Conrad has sifted through whatever information they find, there''s little for you to do."


    Y''know, I may be six kinds of stubborn, but even I''m not stupid enough to interfere with being pampered by three lovelies bent on testing the limits of my appetite.


    Much.

 Day Four Hundred And Sixty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    "The purpose of Redemption,


    Is to make the world better,


    By letting us be better."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Redemption


    Yeah, maybe if I explain that shit right there in the text it will help. Although now I''m vaguely worried that some asshole is gonna use that as an excuse for eugenics or some other abhorrent shit like that. Seriously, I''ve got the bully pulpit at the moment, so I''m tryna use it to set some shit up so other people tryna make the world a better place for everybody maybe aren''t facing such a Sisyphean task. Yes, I know who Sisyphus is, and what a Sisyphean task is. So much time spent reading old fuckin'' books in the library when I should have been in class.


    Hell, who knew that wound up being the most useful thing I learned back at Eastside? Weirdest thing is that one of my teachers actually told me that one time. Not, like, ''reading old books will help you adapt when you''re isekaied by a mass shooting'', but that nobody fuckin'' knows exactly what skills or knowledge is gonna wind up being the make or break thing for any given person. The takeaway was supposed to be ''learn as much as you can'', or maybe ''learn shit that helps you learn faster''. I think. That was in class, and I wasn''t in the mood to fuck around flirting with the teacher that period, so I wasn''t paying attention.


    Maybe trying to foolproof my Holy Book is a bad idea in the first place. Not like there haven''t been assholes in my old world who took the words of a straight up socialist and used them to support a straight up capitalist hellscape. Of course, with any luck at all I''ll still be around to shut that kind of asshole down, but I don''t know how long I could keep up that kind of vigilance without it eating at me. Not like there weren''t folks like that back where I''m from. Started out with the best of intentions, wound up so pissed off at the world that they wound up hurting more people than they ever helped. Shit, I really hope I don''t wind up like that.


    So, pretty dull day today, for which I am incredibly grateful. Last night the ladies took turns feeding me. I''m not sure how much I ate, because it was all these little finger food things. Siobhan blushed a lot while feeding them to me, which I took as a reason to feed some to her.


    "No." said Marie as she intercepted my wrist.


    I hissed out, "shit. Ow. Yeah, bad plan. Forgot about mrphg."


    Siobhan, who''d just interrupted my bitching with a whole roast floret of broccoli, blushed again, wobbling a bit as she said, "even you need to eat to heal, Tabitha."


    At that point she slowly toppled sideways, only to have Saffron catch her, pulling Siobhan''s head into her lap. "And you need to eat more in general, fragile little Ice Pop." Then she bent over her, holding a pair of green beans between her teeth. Siobhan blushed even harder, but managed to stay awake and aware long enough to push herself up and bite them. Saffron took her time holding them until Siobhan bit them off short enough that Saffron didn''t hardly have to move to follow that up with a kiss. When she came back up for air, she looked at me, grinning, and said, "you''re right, this is fun, and she''s adorable."


    I went to reply, only to get a short handful of blueberries flicked into my mouth every time I opened it. I couldn''t even bitch at Marie about it, what with the whole ''blueberry mouth every time I opened it''. At least until she ran out of blueberries. Of course, while she did that I got to watch Saffron feed some strawberries to Siobhan via mouth-to-mouth and, well. Okay, look, I have no idea how I''ll react if I see Saffron or Siobhan doing anything with anybody but, y''know, each other or Marie, but watching them left me definitely annoyed at how badly I''d banged myself up.


    Of course, right about then I got myself a face full of big platinum blonde, clutching a chicken tendie between her teeth. I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I am not quite that clueless. Gotta say, the receiving end of being fed like that was fun. Can''t speak to whether it was more or less fun than feeding somebody that way, but screw it. Tiger lady kiss good. When she pulled back, smiling and purring, I grumbled, "of course you all would go to maximum cute mode while I''m on the injured reserve."


    Saffron just raised an eyebrow and said, "oh, no. You''ll have to be a passive pillow princess this evening."


    "But what about you guys?"


    She rolled her eyes. "Oh, no, we''ll have to take turns." Then she turned back to feeding Siobhan. Until we ran out of food. At which point I found myself the centerpiece of an entirely different menu.


    Oh, no. Anyway.


    Woke up in the middle of the pile of kids and partners. Warm. Fuzzy. Made me feel happy. After listening to them all snoring for a bit, I shifted a tiny bit and whispered, "Marie?"


    "Yes?"


    "Are you guys, like, really okay with me being..." I couldn''t really figure out how to explain.


    Didn''t matter. Marie leaned in and said, "Yes." Then she kissed me. Kissed me long and hard enough that by the time we came up for air, everybody else in the room had woken up and were staring at us. Most of them giggling. Long and hard enough that any doubt I had were, for the moment at least, suffocated.


    "Are you feeling any better, love?"


    I flexed my arm, working my hand into a fist, then splaying my fingers. "Eh, shoulder still aches, and I don''t think I want to do anything crazy stressful, but I think I could play checkers or something."


    "Can I help you towel today, my Hero?"


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    I smiled at the surprisingly shy question. "I''d love you to help me towel folks off, Siobhan."


    We each snagged a kid or two and stepped ourselves to the bathroom at Lancaster House. My shoulder complained a little, but after getting my soul mangled, this was nothing. Siobhan and I demonstrated why toweling someone dry really is a one person, two handed job. Screw it, everybody seemed happy to see me. The kids, even ours, thought my new scar was cool. The women asked whether it hurt, and if there was anything they could do to help while I recovered. Well, other than Devorah. She straight up came on to Siobhan, hard. When my cute little blonde Concubine got a little flushed and wobbly, I reached out and laid my good hand across the back of Devorah''s neck, pulled her close enough to feel my breath, and without thinking about it said, "if a you''re very, very good girl, she''s for after after. Fair?"


    Devorah smirked at me, tried to close the tiny gap I''d left, got a little goggle eyed when she didn''t so much close as strain something, then giggled and said, "so close."


    So I spun her around, gave her a little shove toward Marie, and nodded to Siobhan, who smacked her on the ass with a towel. Ignoring how my shoulder complained, I pulled Siobhan into a hug and whispered, "that''s my pretty little Healer."


    She got the cutest little moue and said, "did you just offer me up to her?"


    I just whispered back, "hey, you''ll be the one who decides if she''s good enough to get a turn with her. Not me."


    "Oh."


    "Yeah. Oh. I thought I was the Goof." Then interrupted the flow of the line by kissing her. I mean, not much, it was her turn to go get in the tub at that point, but still, it''s the principle of the thing.


    As Marie toweled Siobhan dry and Saffron scrubbed me clean, being especially gentle with my shoulder, I asked, "So, Translocation is the teleport thing, right?"


    "Yes."


    "And Translocation doesn''t play well with Cold Iron? Heats it up until it melts or explodes or shit like that?"


    Saffron frowned. "I suspect it is your flesh which is exploding, like an overheated kettle steam explosion, but yes, essentially."


    I nodded. "Okay, so... is Co-Location related to Translocation?"


    "They''re essentially the same ability, love."


    "So you think that''s what caused my meltdown at the homestead?"


    She went quiet, her hands working soap into my hair. Still weird to have this much hair. Oddly enough, hair this long was weirder than having black hair. I''d had an edgy phase at one point, so I''d had black hair before. After she dumped the first rinse kettle over my head, she said, "I''m torn."


    "Between?"


    "Expressing my displeasure with you as soon as the children aren''t looking, or adding this to your already overflowing ledger."


    I shrugged, ignoring the pain to make the gesture hit right. "Why not both?"


    "Why not both, indeed." Then she got her share of kissing in. When she finished she said, "I should have figured that out before we tried it."


    "Shit, you were tryna help." My voice dropping to a whisper, I added, "I get why you want her back."


    She grabbed my ears, stared into my eyes, and said, "you. Are. Her." She blinked, shaking her head. "I know it feels otherwise. But you are the same woman I fell in love with. Even if you don''t remember us doing so." I saw how hard that hit her, but before I could say anything, she said, "I''d be lying if I said I didn''t want you to get at least those memories back."


    "Not the memories of me learning to be your big badass?"


    She shook her head. "We can teach you those things. You can relearn them. But... the memories we''ve made..."


    I head bunted her. "We''ll make more, Saffron."


    She took a deep breath, then smiled for me. "I take it you''re planning on experimenting with the Cold Iron helmets again today?"


    "Damn you''re smart."


    "Little bit, yeah."


    I nodded. "I planned on using the Academy suite Office and having Marie help me. Does that work for you?"


    "Siobhan and I will attend." Before I could argue, she held up a hand. "Marie will keep her hands on the helmet; if it gets even the slightest bit warm, she removes it, immediately. Siobhan and I will be on hand to Heal you if needed."


    I opened my mouth to argue, then took another look at her face. Definitely not any wiggle room on this. Only one thing to say. "Yes, dear."


    A couple hours later, after breakfast, I sat at the Academy Suite Office desk, paper and pens in front of me. On one of them I''d scrawled out, ''what do I need to know?'' I took a deep breath. "Okay, do it." Marie slipped the helm over...


    I blinked, wincing at the feel of the Cold Iron over my ears. I scribbled on the paper as fast as I could, my shoulder aching as my whole body tensed. "Can''t believe you guys agreed to this. Check that, I kinda do. Because like Saffron said, the problem last time was me being Co-Located. Still kinda have a complex about this shit though."


    Hands clutched my shoulders, one from each side. "We''re here, Tabitha."


    "Yes, love. You need reassurance. Oddly enough, from yourself."


    I nodded, still scribbling. "Yeah, I get that. But even before Co-Locating, the tiaras were heating up."


    "Which is why we''re using a helmet, love. And why Marie is ready to pull it off if it so much as warms up."


    I smiled ruefully. "Yeah, I get that. And I remember what we did last night, but I still kinda want to go in the other room and get it on with all of you."


    "Lets."


    I laughed as I kept scribbling. "Down, Mittens! I want you like I want air, but I also kinda need a functioning head to enjoy it, so I''m not leaving this thing on very long."


    "Not like our Goof had one in the first place," snarked Saffron.


    I snorted at that. "I said working head, not working brain. After all," I finished writing and spun myself around so I could get a look at them all. I snagged all three of them into a hug that tore at my shoulder, but fuck not hugging them. "You all like my head, right?" While they were all snorting and laughing at that, I said, "please show me how much you like it after I''ve got this thing off?"


    "As our Goddess commands," said Saffron, kissing me on one cheek. Siobhan got the other one, and Marie kissed my forehead. I love my ladies.


    "Okay, Marie. Off." She lifted the...


    The helmet slid off my head. At some point I''d turned around to face the other three, who were all kissing me on the face. I tried to turn around to read my letter from my future self, but Marie straight up picked me up into a princess carry. Then she dumped me onto the bed. "Sorry, my love, but we''re acting under very explicit orders."


    "Whose?" With the way they stripped down to some black lingerie and thigh boots, I wasn''t really upset with whoever, but still, I wasn''t about to, y''know, not ask. Or shut up.


    "Yours."


    Then they took turns shutting me up by the simple method of not letting my mouth stay unoccupied. For hours and hours and hours.


    When we got home to Lancaster House, before I could even take my letter back to the office to read it, Maze cornered me and pulled me back to the checkers table. Only it didn''t have checkers on it. Instead, it had a really nice set of chess pieces on it. "Teach me?"


    "Wait, you don''t know how to play?"


    She waggled her hand. "Papa taught me the rules when I was little, but he never really played with me."


    "Well, that''s no good. I''m not sure I remember all the rules myself, but we can learn and remember together, right?" I knew by that radiant little smile that I''d gotten at least one thing totally right today.


    Yeah, I had an important message to read, but if future me didn''t understand this took priority, I''m not sure I want to even read it.

 Day Four Hundred And Seventy

    Dear Diary,


    "Do your best, expect to fail,


    Get back up and try again,


    And let others do the same."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Redemption


    Y''know, talking about second chances and making sure you give other people second chances, I forgot about how many people don''t give themselves second chances. Like, they try once, then throw their hands in the air and walk away. I think that might actually be worse for people who are gifted or talented or whatever in a field, because they don''t get the same experience with fucking up. I mean, yeah, if the first time somebody tries something they get curb stomped and see no way to try something different the next time I get that they might give up, but most people aren''t in that boat. Like, they try to cook box mac and cheese and it doesn''t come out like mom''s, because they don''t know all the stuff she adds, but it doesn''t come out inedible garbage, just... not great. So they try again, maybe adhering to the box instructions harder, maybe mixing things up a little, and it comes out different. Maybe better, maybe worse, but every time they try they get a little more knowledge, a little more skill. So when they try a new recipe and it comes out shit, they know that''s not the end of their cooking career.


    But somebody who has a gift at something is in a different boat. Whether it''s some knowledge they picked up watching mom, or a nose and tongue that can pick out subtle flavors, or an intuition about how that shit combines, if they even try the store bought mac and cheese, it comes out perfect the first time, or good enough that any changes they make are perfective, not corrective. They don''t hit any real challenges early on. So when they finally do hit some kind of challenge, they fold like a house of cards. They think maybe their gift has abandoned them, or they''ve hit some kind of insurmountable plateau, or whatever. So where the normie tries a souffl¨¦ and it goes south and they say, ''okay, what did I do wrong, how can I do better next time'', the former gifted kid tries it and says ''oh, shit, my endless rise has ended, time to go sell access to my orifices on the street''.


    So yeah, I gotta make sure to let people looking to me, or really to the transcription of my cereal box prize Moral Compass for guidance know that it''s okay to fail. Like, not ''try to fail'', but ''when you fail, get back up and try again''. Shit, with the people I see around here who remind me of people back at Eastside, I wonder if Aaliyah''s still around. Then again, that''d put me as Jet Li, and I sure as shit am not Jet Li. If anybody''s Jet, it''s Larry. My man has some serious quickness in him. And now I''m trying not to freak out about how I know that. At any rate, if I''m anybody from one of those old Honk Kong flicks, it''s Jackie Chan. Y''know, stumbling through shit and somehow winning through being just a little too dumb to realize that I''m demolishing myself bit by bit, and just a little too durable for the bad guys to realize that I''m still coming despite all the crap they''ve pulled.


    I guess that ''acceptance of failure'' helps with the whole ''embrace death'' thing as well. Like, I don''t want people killing themselves, or throwing their lives away in some kinda fucked up ''notice me Sempai'', but when it comes down to it and your back''s the wall, ''on death ground, fight'' and all that good shit. If you know you''re gonna lose, know you''re gonna die, that opens up whole new avenues for fucking somebody''s shit up in ways they will not expect. Maybe not enough to live, maybe not enough to win, but maybe, just maybe, enough that the people coming along behind you have a chance to pull Victory out of Defeat''s duodenum.


    So by the end of the day yesterday Maze had beat me five games out of eight, and four of those were the last four we played. I dunno if I was getting tired, or bored, or she''s just a budding little clever genius at board games, but I do know that when I tipped over my king for the final time yesterday, I reached over the board, scooped her up, and gave her a big hug. "You''re so good at this! I''m really proud of you, kid."


    She just grinned like an idiot, hugged me back, and murmured, "papa," into my chest. No idea what''s up with that, but I''m not gonna harsh her joy just because I''m clueless.


    Once we had everybody in bed, I thought at my ladies, d''y''all mind if I go read the notes I made for myself?


    Saffron and Siobhan both glomped me a little harder, and Saffron replied, Co-Locate, please? And take Marie with you? And above all, no playing with Cold Iron without us there in case of emergency?


    I nodded, then thought, uh, how do I Co-Locate?


    I felt Siobhan''s smile, but Saffron''s voice filled my head, Marie, show her?


    Marie lay her hand on my head, then the two of us lay on the floor bed in the Academy Suite Office. I closed my eyes in the Lancaster House Bedroom, then I rolled over, nuzzled her, and pushed myself to my feet. "Thanks, Marie. But... I still didn''t quite catch how you did that?"


    She pushed herself up into a tailor seat, pondered a moment, then said, "Do. Don''t. Both."


    That froze me in my tracks while I parsed it. I guess my brain has some talent for turning Marie''s monosyllabic comments into comprehensible ideas, because after that bit of thinking I asked, "so, like, Translocate, but partway there stop, but also keep going?" She contemplated that for half a second, then nodded. So I tried it.


    As I rubbed my temples at the sudden audiovisual feedback, I found myself glad I''d done this in the middle of the night in the padded office, where nothing really echoed. "Uh..." Talking out loud was dumb. Ow. Uh, how do I undo this?


    Fall back into yourself, love.


    I did a kind of Nestea plunge backward into myself, and the feedback disappeared with the extra me. Thanks, that worked.


    ''s good, love.


    I let that go; it sounded like Saffron was almost asleep. I sat down at the desk and picked up the... I couldn''t really call it a ''letter''. More like a set of abbreviated instructions to myself. Well, okay, mostly instructions.


    ''You''re doing great. Keep it up!


    Names -


    Saffron - Kitten


    Marie - Murder Mittens


    Isnomi - Menace


    Maze - Horse Girl


    Siobhan - Ice Pop


    Tell Dad he''s the best


    Have Priestesses puppet you and pay attention!


    Learn These Shapes -


    Mana Blade (Karen''s! Coolest!)


    Mana Ward


    Filtration Ward


    Co-Location just Translocation but stop AND go


    Heal Injury


    Cure Disease


    Inspect / Status?


    Quick wardrobe trick!


    Intro (to Values?) - 1


    VALUES - A / E / R - 10 each


    Intro (to Domains) - 1?


    DOMAINS - Justified Homicide, Vengeance, Bloodlust, Ecstasy, Passion, Children - 9 each


    Close - 4?


    Hang in there. You I We got this.


    - T''


    The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    I read through it like three times, then folded it up, walked back over to where Marie sat, patiently watching me. "Yeah, I think I need to sleep on this."


    She nodded, reached up, and took my hand. I stepped us back to the office at Lancaster House. She looked a question at me, and I smiled, held up the note, and said, "needed to put this away... Murder Mittens."


    Holy shit I''d never seen her move quite that fast. Also, every bit of the stiffness she normally had when she had her Maid''s outfit on disappeared. She moved with the smooth grace of a striking predator. Before I knew what was happening she scooped me into her arms, her lips against mine, her tongue invading my mouth. I went with it, because screw it, if I was gonna die, death by snu snu wasn''t the worst way to go. For the record, I think that would be trying to Translocate with Cold Iron in my guts. After a thorough physical inspection of my tonsils, Marie pulled back, grinning from ear to ear. She lay a hand where my shoulder joined my neck, glancing at it before asking, "Please?"


    I relaxed into her arms. Fuck it, I went totally limp, staring into her eyes and saying, "be gentle?" She got the cutest little moue, and I rolled my eyes, "as gentle as you can be?" More pouty, which looked so adorable I relented. "Okay. Do with me as you will."


    Her eyes shot wide at that, and that radiant grin returned. Clamping one hand around the back of my head to hold me in place, her other arm holding my weight, she brought her mouth down on my shoulder. Pressure, followed by four sudden, sharp pinpricks, then the strangest mix of subdued tearing pain, like pulling off a scab that''d been hit with lidocaine, and pleasant lethargy, like somebody''d dumped all the serotonin in the world into my brain all at once. The pressure increased slowly, gradually, until I heard something click inside my shoulder. Maybe her teeth. I didn''t fuckin'' know, and didn''t fuckin'' care. Serotonin good.


    "I''mma fall asleep now?"


    No.


    Before I could even think about arguing, my beloved Maenad Maid, ah, manually manipulated my dopamine release. Okay, I''m not sure if it counts as ''manually'' if she did it with her knee. Afterward, floating on a cloud of all the feel good neurotransmitters in the world, not to mention a whole fuckin'' ocean of endorphins, I muttered, "sleep now?"


    I swear I felt her chuckle in my fuckin'' spine. Yes.


    I plummeted into blissful slumber.


    Dreamt of Marie doing the Lady and the Tramp thing with me, only the pasta was Marie shaped. Later in the dream Saffron and Siobhan showed up, taking turns doing the same thing with Saffron shaped soup dumplings and Siobhan popsicles. Dreams are fuckin'' weird. Although, y''know, oral sex and my lovely ladies is like chocolate and peanut butter. I want all of that good good in my mouth as often as possible.


    Woke up right in the middle of crunching, shattering, and swallowing another popsicle, only to discover Siobhan whimpering into my mouth. Weird thing, her mouth, her tongue, both were just a little cooler than mine. Not sure what''s up with that. Maybe she needs more iron in her diet. Hell, I''m pretty sure she does. When she came up for air, I said, "Marie?"


    "Yes?"


    "Spinach and mussels today, please?" Yeah, growing up as a woman with limited funds I learned quick what cheap foods were rich in iron. Never thought I''d need it for an anemic Concubine, but like I said before, never know what''s gonna turn out important.


    "Yes."


    "Extra servings for," I nuzzled my nose against hers, "our little Ice Pop here."


    Her mouth dropped open. "What did I do?"


    "You''d rather have liver?"


    For some weird reason she blushed a little at that. "Liver? Yes, please!"


    I shrugged, shook my head, and said, "okay, can we do spinach and liver instead?"


    Marie gently pulled my chin around until I faced her. "Yes."


    "Why do I get the feeling I could name any food I wanted and you''d say yes?"


    "Because she dotes on you, as is right and proper behavior for the Champion''s Maid and fianc¨¦." Saffron''s assertion could have been nasty, but the barely suppressed laughter in her voice made it clear that she wasn''t being sarcastic about the ''right and proper'' part, even if she seemed to find it hilarious.


    I stretched up to give Marie a quick peck on the cheek, then turned back to Siobhan. "And we are absolutely going to take turns stuffing you today."


    "Okay!" she kinda meeped out.


    I shook my head. "I meant with food, silly woman." She frowned, and I couldn''t help myself. I leaned in and whispered in her ear, low enough it wouldn''t carry to the crowd of kids around us, "the other is for tonight." She smiled nearly as wide as Marie had the night before.


    "Okay everybody. Bath time, then I''m gonna need a quick confab. I think it''s time for a training montage."


    We cycled everybody through the bath, and even though my shoulder gave out partway through, I managed to towel off all the kids before I needed Siobhan to step in and help. When it was down to just the four of us, with Siobhan getting scrubbed by Saffron while Marie and I waited, I said, "Okay, ladies. Future me has given me some pretty clear instructions, as well as a bit of a how-to. Do you know what I meant by you guys ''puppeting'' me?"


    Saffron nodded, scooted Siobhan out of the tub toward me, and said, "of course. Relax, and ''go with it'', as you would say." I shrugged, and before I completed the motion I swayed into motion, sashaying across the bathroom, handing Siobhan a towel as I passed her. I stepped into the tub, settled in, and put my arms around Saffron. "Like that."


    I slumped a little, my posture shifting, but didn''t let go of Saffron, because I''m not an idiot. "Whoa. Any of you can do that to me?"


    "If you allow it. Or if all of us coordinate to focus on you, like the time Marie and I ferreted out all your secret silly guilty desires."


    "Uh... why do I get the idea that this is not a one way thing?"


    She smiled. "Because it absolutely is not." I felt... something. I felt her perceptions slip into mine, almost like I''d done the night before with two of me in the office, but without the feedback. You want me to kiss you?


    "Well, yeah. Duh."


    So do it.


    I froze. "I''m not sure..."


    I am. I consent, Goof. I want you to make me kiss you exactly how you want to be kissed. Now. Please.


    I... I realized I didn''t want to resist, even if I thought I should. I wrapped her arms around me, one hand tangling in my hair to guide my lips, the other slipping down my back to massage and fondle its way around to my front. I tickled my lips with hers, over and over until I lunged against her grip on my hair, our tongues tangling as her hand roamed southward. The kiss ended not with a bang but a post-bang whimper into her mouth.


    Her lips curved as she pulled away from me, and the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was her adoring, amused gaze. "That was a little more than a kiss, Goof."


    "Sorry."


    She pinched me. "Don''t. Be. Goof." She mock frowned. "Consider that an order from your Imperator, my Attack Dog."


    "My brain tells me I ought to be offended, but my crotch tells me that if my brain doesn''t shut up it''s going to beat my brain to death with my own left arm, so okay."


    The other three all laughed at that. Saffron asked, "what does your heart tell you, Goof?"


    I smiled back at her, warmth welling up from inside. "To do whatever the fuck my Kitten tells me to."


    Yeah. We didn''t get my training started for a while. Also, while she''s obviously gonna be better with her hands than I am, it''s kind embarrassing that she apparently literally knows me better than I know myself.


    After breakfast, we all gathered at the homestead. The setting definitely didn''t make for warm fuzzies, especially with the melted helmet still lying in a scorch mark, but I got why we were here. Nobody else to hurt, Marie to keep me safe, and the other two to Heal me if I needed it. "What did you tell yourself regarding ''puppeting'' you?"


    "To have you puppet me while using the abilities I''ve forgotten, while I watch you real close?"


    Saffron shook her head, frowning, then mock shouted, "Again! Again, you outsmart me! If I weren''t making better progress on my new Inspect lately, I''d think I''d gotten dumber. So you must be getting smarter."


    "Sorry."


    "Don''t be. I like smarter."


    "Okay, so what do we want to start with?"


    We wound up starting with Siobhan showing me how to do the Heal Injury thing. Of course, that required somebody to be hurt, and I was not copacetic about Marie slicing one of Saffron''s forearms open, but I had to admit it was a clean slice, and when Siobhan slipped into my brain and did the thing, it felt completely natural, like what she was doing was supposed to happen, like breathing or kissing Saffron''s arm after it healed without a scar. Took me a few more repetitions before I could do it, but eventually I managed to seal it shut without Siobhan''s help.


    We kept going through most of the day. We managed to get like half of the list done, although my ladies added ''Stabilize'' to the list, telling me it was good for waking somebody up, knocking them out, giving them Mana, and keeping mortal wounds from being quite so mortal. We didn''t get to Mana Blade, because Karen wasn''t with us, and Saffron said she had some critical work on the Temple to oversee today.


    So fuckin'' weird, being able to do all this shit just by, y''know, focusing my will. Of course, none of that was the weirdest thing I had to deal with.


    That was at lunch, when Marie proved that liver can, apparently, actually taste good when prepared properly.

 Day Four Hundred And Seventy-One

    Dear Diary,


    "If you''re back on your bullshit,


    Check yourself, or wreck yourself,


    ''Cause if you don''t I will."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Redemption


    Yeah, I definitely need to make sure that folks know that I will, in fact, intervene if somebody''s in desperate need of it. Like, a world where Gods are actively pulling strings all the fuckin'' time would be a nightmare. But if I''m gonna be out there getting all this good shit like free room and board, hot women literally worshipping me, and fancy super powers, I figure I ought to be doing more than just pontificating about shit. Probably need to talk about that in one of the other sections too, but for now, I gotta focus on the whole Redemption, second chance thing.


    I''ve seen people fuck that shit up. Oh, holy fuck have I seen people fuck that shit up. Baby daddies who come back to they baby mama, saying they''re gonna turn over a new leaf, that they know they screwed up a good thing, then as soon as they''re back in the house they''re dialing up their side chick. Fuck, I''ve seen it the other way around, too, where a decent man gets a chick pregnant, does the right thing and stays with her to support her and the kid, but the moment he''s not an exciting bad boy she goes looking for somebody who''ll treat her like shit. I guess they think it''s exciting, or think that somebody who treats them well must be ''weak'' or something like that.


    Not sure where I need to put it, but I gotta put something in this book about ''being an asshole'' being different than ''being smart''. Don''t get me wrong, there are plenty of smart assholes out there. But way too often somebody says ''oh, hey, I succeeded because I''m smart'', and when you look closer the ''smart'' thing they did was con people. Get them to do work, then not pay them. Force people to work even though they want to quit by, like, threatening to cut their family''s medical care off. Telling their customers they''re selling top quality goods, then delivering the shittiest shit what ever got shat out of a shithole. The fancy term for it is ''Dealing in Bad Faith'', and honestly? If somebody gets a rep for that, I am absolutely okay with my Clergy or even followers ending their ability to deal at all.


    Just because assholes like that don''t stab or shoot somebody doesn''t mean they don''t kill people. Somebody who has a diabetic working for them and they fuck with their employee''s medical insurance so they can''t get that insulin? Yeah, they fuckin'' killed them, and they deserve the consequences. They pay somebody so little that the poor bastard has to choose between a roof and food, so they wind up dying of exposure or starving? Yeah, that''s fuckin'' murder, asshole. And I get that there''s nuance to shit. Somebody''s got to organize any big group effort. When times are bad, they''re gonna feed themselves first. When times are good, they''re gonna grab the lion''s share. But I look around Lancaster House and I realize that those refugees staying in our suite aren''t the only people who don''t look exactly local. I don''t exactly know how to describe it, but there''s a look victims have, and refugees definitely qualify. Even after they''ve gotten away from whatever was hurting them, they''ve still got that look, and a lot of the folks I see around Lancaster House have it. But they also have that whatever it is that says they have gotten away from it, and they''re starting to rebuild. Or maybe looking or waiting for a place to rebuild, like the ladies in our suite.


    But the damage from the Bad Faith thing doesn''t end with just the people they hurt directly. When somebody with power acts in Bad Faith, the whole fuckin system staggers. Like, I get it, the system''s designed to funnel wealth and power upwards. That''s just facts. But the whole reason everybody buys into it is that they''re told that they''ll get a fair share, and that when shit goes to hell, the folks who''ve accumulated that money and power are gonna come to the rescue. Which, fuck, I guess I''ve done here? Maybe? If what they tell me about Curing New Amsterdam hasn''t been blown way out of proportion? But my point, which I definitely had, is that when somebody up the ladder makes it obvious that they''re screwing everybody else over, people stop trusting each other. They start doing that ''every man for himself'' bullshit that winds up with nobody able to do shit, because it takes a fuckin'' village to raise a kid, and it takes a fuckin'' factory to build a smartphone.


    Yeah, this shit gets to me, because I grew up in a city that wound up getting the economic equivalent of nuked when the rich guys shut down all the factories, and then blamed the people living in the city for it, claiming the city was ''violent''. Which only happened after nobody had enough money to buy fuckin'' food. Which, as a note, used to be fuckin'' dirt cheap in the city, because that factory? Made canned soup.


    Speaking of soup, after spending the latter half of the afternoon listening to Maze read, I got to taste Marie''s liver and spinach bisque. Okay, I''m not sure it was a bisque, technically, but it had that consistency and creaminess, and holy shit the flavors. I eventually had to ask Marie for thirds just to make sure I had enough to feed to Siobhan. Which I did. Watched her like a hawk while she ate her first bowl, then sucked down two bowls of my own, then waved her over to me. When she sat on my lap, I scooped up a big spoonful and said, "Open wide!"


    She whimpered a little, but opened her mouth. Like, full on, threw her mouth open, closed her eyes, over the top kinda thing.


    After I got that spoonful into her, I said, "I thought you liked liver?"


    She glanced away guiltily and said, "I''ve not had it much before. it''s very..." She urped a little right then, but swallowed and said, "filling."


    I snorted. "One bowl isn''t enough to fill you, even if you are way too skinny."


    "You... you want to fatten me up, Champion?" Her hand reached for the spoon, almost like she wasn''t thinking about it.


    I took her hand, holding it as I said, "I''d love you just as you are, if you were healthy."


    "But I am!"


    I shook my head. "No, Ice Pop, you are not. Anemia is not ''healthy''. Skinny is fine. Skinny is good. I''m not into walking skeletons, but you''ve got enough to you to be fun to fondle. But you are anemic." I let go of her hand and poked her in the chest with each word. "So until you''re not passing out every time you blush, we''re gonna stuff you full of what you need to get healthy." I lifted another spoonful, letting her sip the bisque out of it a little bit at a time. "If that winds up making you fat? We''ll love you like that too, Siobhan."


    She blushed just a little at that, but when she finished with that spoonful, she leaned into me and murmured, "keep this up and I''ll be too stuffed to get stuffed, Champion."


    I smiled at her, looked at Marie, and asked, "could you please bring me an empty gravy boat?"


    "Tabitha, what are you mmph." Siobhan''s question ended with a spoonful of bisque in her mouth. When Marie returned, the gravy boat was not, in fact, empty. Instead, it was brimming full of bisque.


    "Thank you, Marie." I took the gravy boat from her, and a moment later instead of sitting on a chair in the dining room, I straddled the side of the tub in the bathroom, Siobhan still on my lap. I leaned her back, then brought the gravy boat spout to her lips. "It makes me feel kinda guilty doing stuff with you when you''re passing out all the time."


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    "You... don''t like that?"


    "Oh, no. I definitely do." I growled. "That''s why I feel guilty. So I''m gonna do my due diligence before I do any Ice Pop stuffing. Open wide." She looked simultaneously intimidated and eager, and opened her mouth even wider than she had earlier. I touched the bisque to my lips to make sure she wouldn''t burn herself, then slowly poured the rest into her as fast as she could swallow it. She looked a little whelmed when I pulled the mostly empty boat away. But I am absolutely an over the top bitch, so I tried my new Co-Locating trick to pop back to my seat at the dinner table. Before Saffron could say whatever she''d intended, I grabbed my still mostly full bowl, said, "sorry, forgot this," and stepped back to the bathroom.


    Ignoring the feedback, I poured the contents of the bowl into the boat, set the bowl down, collapsed back into myself, then turned back to Siobhan. "Ready for more?"


    "No," she pouted.


    "Too bad. Open wide." She opened her mouth, and I poured the rest of the bisque into her, bit by bit, slowing it down to a dribble every time she looked a little green. Eventually, as I heard the kids charging into the living room, she licked the last few drops off the spout and I set the boat aside. "There you go. Fully stuffed."


    "I think I might be sick."


    I shook my head. "No, can''t have that. Do you have some kinda spell to stop nausea?"


    "Even if I did, which I do not, I couldn''t shape it on myself." She looked a little green. "I may vomit."


    "No, can''t have that. Must keep the nutrition in. No vomiting."


    She grimaced at me. "I''m trying my best, Champion, but I fear I may fail you."


    "Hey, hey, hey, you''re not the one failing me." I sighed. "I''m sorry, I really didn''t think three bowls of bisque were enough to make you sick."


    Saffron walked in right then. "It probably wouldn''t have been, but while you were eating your own bisque, I fed her another bowl full. So she''s had four."


    "Five." announced Marie as she walked over to her evening routine station.


    "Ah, shit. Sorry, Siobhan. I fucked up."


    She clamped her jaw shut. My only peeve is that should you fuck me like this, I''ll wind up vomiting all over you.


    Yeah, not my kink.


    "Carry her very carefully to the bed, please, Tabitha."


    As slowly, gently, and smoothly as I could, I carried Siobhan into the bedroom and, after letting Saffron set up some pillows to prop her up, lay her on the bed. "Sorry, Siobhan."


    "Stop apologizing, Tabitha. We all failed her, even if we had the best of intentions." She turned to Siobhan. "Hold very still." She moved her hands through some gestures, and Siobhan kinda froze in place. Like, I almost saw something around her, I''m not sure what. "Do not speak."


    Saffron waved her hands again, and Siobhan thought, what is this?


    "A pair of Filtration Wards. One to keep you from moving and spoiling the other, which is to keep the bisque in your belly where it belongs."


    I touched Saffron''s shoulder. "Won''t that risk her rupturing something?"


    Saffron shook her head. "It shouldn''t. She''s only getting nauseous when she moves or talks. So she won''t be doing either. And if she does herself a mischief, we will Heal her. Or Revive her, if that''s what it takes." Then she leaned down next to her and quietly said, "should you wish?" When Siobhan made a little humming noise, Saffron continued, "Tabitha will need to practice with her tentacles at some point in the near future..."


    No idea why Siobhan got such a gleeful expression at that, but if it helped her keep her dinner down, I was one hundred percent behind it.


    I got myself a little Co-Location practice, leaving one of me sitting holding Siobhan''s hand while the other helped the kids with the toilet. Then, once everybody got settled in, Marie and I sat up with her. Saffron, as the ''merely Mortal'' one of the three of us, snuggled in next to her, saying, "wake me when she falls asleep."


    Eventually, she did, although she looked pretty uncomfortable. Not, like, pukey uncomfortable, but bad sleeping position uncomfortable. When we woke Saffron, she did the finger waggling thing again, and a few moments later Siobhan shifted, rolling over and snuggling Saffron like a person sized teddy bear. That looked like a pretty good idea, so I climbed in behind Saffron, and Marie did the same on the far side of Siobhan.


    Dreamt of Siobhan shoving my maw full of Siobhan shaped popsicles while Marie and Saffron laughed from the sidelines. Until she started shoving Marie pasta and Saffron soup dumplings in, which made them laugh even harder. I''d complain about not getting any respect, but I''m not sure I really deserved any tonight.


    In the morning, other than taking maybe a little longer on the toilet than normal, Siobhan seemed fine. When we got down to just the four of us in the room, she looked at all of us, laughed, and said, "and what have we learned form all this, ladies?"


    "We need to coordinate our efforts to fatten you up better." Saffron replied immediately.


    Siobhan spluttered a little. "I thought you were worried about my health, not trying to fatten me up."


    Saffron just shrugged and scrubbed her a little more vigorously. "Oh, we are worried, and Tabitha is right in insisting we fix your malnutrition issues, but along with that you''re definitely too skinny to carry a child to term."


    Siobhan spluttered a lot at that. "I''m not even sure I''m going to!"


    "Not with that level of anemia you''re not. Tabitha does want you to, you realize."


    "Hey! Don''t put that on me!" I barked out.


    Saffron just raised an eyebrow. "But you do, don''t you? Want us to get her pregnant?"


    I opened my mouth, expecting a denial, but a sudden wave of gooey baby madness hit me. I smiled at our Ice Pop and said, "yeah. Yeah, I kinda do." Then I managed to beat my rebellious glands into submission and said, "but only if she wants to!"


    Siobhan slumped. "I know. And... I want to, for you. I think? I worried for a bit about raising a child, but..." she trailed off, then smiled shyly at the three of us. "You''re right. I wouldn''t have to do that on my own." Then she snorted. "Not like any of us are likely to do most of the normal maternal tasks with Marie around."


    Marie just nodded and looked smug, saying ''damn straight'' without the need for words.


    Saffron nodded, dumping a kettle of water over Siobhan before embracing her and saying, "and I shall see to our children''s advanced education, while Tabitha keeps them active and teaches them to read, and you, my little Ice Pop, keep them healthy and whole."


    "Our?" Saffron nodded. "You''d... trust me with your children?"


    "Do." announced Marie, once again ending the discussion.


    Okay, there was some weepies, and some very not safe for kids tub shenanigans, but the discussion was over.


    Once we got done breakfast we returned to the Homestead. When we arrived, I looked at the ugly lump of metal and said, "can we do something with that?"


    Saffron nodded, "I''d intended to use it for your Mana Blade practice today. I thought it might be cathartic. But Karen is, yet again, unavailable."


    "Couldn''t she, like, Co-Locate?"


    "She could, but there are limits to Co-Location. Limits that affect Mortals and, apparently, yourself to some degree. Most notably, while you can be in more than one place at a time, you can only really think about one thing at a time. Can only concentrate on one task at a time."


    She let me chew over that for a bit until the light bulb lit. "So, like, puppeting me is something you have to concentrate on?"


    That got a laugh out of all three of them. "Oh, yes, love. It is not an easy thing at all, even when you explicitly permit it. When you do not? It takes all of our concentration. All of Marie''s concentration, even, just to have a chance to force you to do even something simple."


    I sighed. "Okay. I just..." I walked over to the misshapen lump of metal, kicked it loose with the heel of my boot, used my toe to flip it up into my hand, and yeeted it into the nearest cellar entrance. "That''s better."


    She nodded. "Let''s get to work then."


    So we did. By mid afternoon, with the exception of Mana Blade, I''d gotten at least the basics of everything on future me''s list, along with another spell they called ''Fire Bolt''. Apparently at some point future me had come up with a variation that worked really well for heating stuff up to crazy hot temperatures. Saffron had me use it to boil all the water out of our cellar. I''m not sure how good of an idea that was, since it kinda stank to high heaven, but afterward she had me go through and flamethrower everything to ash, which stank even more, but by the end of our day the place was warm and dry. Not sure how long it would stay that way.


    But then, a lot of life is like that. You do the best you can and hope it sticks around.

 Day Four Hundred And Seventy-Two

    Dear Diary,


    "Failure''s inevitable,


    What you do after matters,


    Do it different next time."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Redemption


    Yeah, really feeling this one today. Fucked up big time with Siobhan yesterday. Only reason our little Ice Pop didn''t wind up puking her guts out was Saffron''s quick thinking and mad magical Skills. We still need to get her healthy, because we care about her and according to what Saffron and Marie tell me she''s not just a little malnourished now, but she''s basically been starving herself for a long time, subsisting on as little as possible for as long as she''s been at the Academy. But rupturing her innards isn''t the right way to fix that, and while she''s definitely at the ''intervention'' point what with her passing out on the regular, the whole point of an intervention is to get buy in from the person you''re interventioning.


    That makes me wonder about whether it would be a good idea to put personal anecdotes into the Doctrine. Yeah, the meter and sound bite nature would make it a little disjointed maybe, but knowing even their Goddess fucks up now and then has got to make people feel better about themselves. Then again, I''ve got a feeling most of my screw ups wound up being pretty public knowledge. Like, the ones since I got cursed haven''t, but that''s because the ladies have kept me mostly under wraps while they figured out what the fuck was going on. Even now I haven''t really returned to what I was doing before I got whammied. Hell, I''m not even sure what I was doing, other than writing the Doctrine.


    Pretty sure I''m not going to, though. The anecdote thing. Between storytelling being a pain in the ass in this format and the tendency for religious folks to conflate virtues and vices, which means any admission of fault invalidates everything somebody ever told them, it''s probably a bad idea. Kind of irks me that I''ve got to take people like that into account, because they''re wrong, profoundly so, but they exist, they''re pretty fuckin'' common, and a surprising number of them look to Holy Books and shit for guidance. Hell, maybe I need to find a way to fit that in, in case the whole ''redemption'' thing doesn''t clue them in, that everybody''s got good and bad in them.


    The goal isn''t even really to get rid of the bad; that''s sorta impossible. The goal is to choose good when you''ve got options. Or maybe choose the goodest option you''ve got? Which is sometimes the least evil thing. I mean, that''s always the case, isn''t it? Like, if Good and Evil are a spectrum, even two things well over into the ''Good'' side of things are gonna have one that''s less good, which means it''s more evil, right?


    Yeah, no idea why people think I''m the one to talk to about morals and shit.


    So yesterday at the end of the day all four of us, especially me, stank like burned mold. I didn''t even know burned mold stank before now, but that knowledge is now in my noggin. I guess to give me more practice the ladies had me teleport them home, followed by an evening bath before dinner. Not surprised, we totally would have ruined people''s appetites. As Marie dumped like the third kettle of water over my head for my final rinse, Saffron said, "at least it''s not as bad as Hole Spawn stink."


    "Yes."


    Marie''s agreement normally would have ended the discussion, but this time it made me feel some kinda way. "Dammit. I really wish I could remember the shit we''ve been through together."


    "Trust me, love, this in particular is a blessing in disguise. No one wants to smell Hole Spawn spew. Even the memory is enough to make me consider skipping dinner tonight." She shook her head. "Frankly, if we didn''t need to be sure Siobhan''s eating, I would."


    That reminded me. I turned to Siobhan, waved her over, and went to my knees in front of her, because otherwise I kinda couldn''t help looming over her just a little. "Siobhan, I''m sorry about what I did yesterday. I was clumsy and arrogant and didn''t listen to you when you said ''no''. I almost hurt you. I''m sorry, and I''ll try to do better in the future."


    Her jaw kept dropping throughout my apology, and she actually teared up midway through. When I finished, she stepped forward and put her arms around my head, pulling my face into her belly. "I can''t say I''m happy about it, because that was both unpleasant and," she took a deep breath, "the first time you''ve ever done something when I told you I didn''t want you to." She went silent for a few moments, then asked, "why?"


    I turned my head just far enough to say, "does it matter? I screwed up."


    She pondered for a few moments, then said, "yes. Yes, it does matter. Please tell me?"


    I heaved out a sigh. "Because I thought you were trying to avoid medical treatment. At least that''s what I think I thought at the time. If I was even thinking, which I''m not sure I was." I paused, shaking my head. "What the hell is wrong with me?"


    "It is your nature, love." Saffron cut in. "You''ve agonized over it in the past. I''m not sure you''ve ever completely come to terms with it, really."


    "My nature? What kind of fucked up nonsense is that?"


    Siobhan pulled my face around and up to look at her. "No, Tabitha. It is not nonsense. Saffron is right, it is part and parcel of what you are, what Mimic is. She... you... hunger. Endlessly. For everything in creation."


    I flinched. "I am the fuckin'' bad guy." I whispered.


    "No," said Saffron, coming up behind me. "Hunger doesn''t make you evil, love. Hunger drives you, but you choose what you consume, and how, and when. What you did with the soup was wrong, true, but we all erred with that. But we all make mistakes. Even you, my Goddess."


    "Kinda surprised you''d say that. What have I done that you considered a mistake?"


    I tilted my head back to look at her, and she smirked at me. "At the time I thought telling me you hated me was a mistake."


    "I did what?"


    "You were angry. So angry that you considered ending the world. Which is well within your power, and even within your rights as the Primordial Matriarch of the Mor. I interrupted you, and you lashed out."


    "I''m sorry."


    She reached past me, put her arms around Siobhan, and squished me a little bit. "It''s quite all right, Goof. I''ve long since forgiven you."


    I still slumped between them. "I hate this. Not remembering. I feel... but I don''t know. Someone''s stolen all this good shit away from me, and... If I had it back, I''m not sure I''d be me."


    They just stood there holding me. Eventually I felt Marie kneel next to me and put her arms around all of us. "Love."


    "She''s right, Tabitha. We love you. With or without your memories. If you get them back or if they''re gone forever, we''ll love you. And we have all of our lives and beyond to make new ones." Siobhan reached down and ruffled my hair as she said that.


    "Yeah, if I can avoid accidentally killing you because I''m a fuckin'' idiot."


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    She laughed at that. "Oh, but if you do, I''m sure you''ll Revive me. Or carry my Soul off to some secluded corner of the Land of the Gods to be your private plaything for all eternity."


    "You say that like it''s not horrifying."


    She stroked my hair some more. "Why would it be horrifying? I''ve been your Concubine for less than a month, and with the exception of one poorly executed attempt to help me, it has been wonderful." She blushed, and didn''t wobble very much at all. "Especially the parts where you... made intimate use of me."


    I sighed. "It''s... just a lot to take in. I''m still sorry about the soup thing."


    She looked down at me and said, "if... if you submit to me in one thing, to ''make us even'', will you consider yourself forgiven?"


    "Doesn''t matter if I consider myself forgiven. It''s if you do."


    She smiled. "But I already have. But you don''t seem to feel that. So... one thing?"


    I sighed, then nodded.


    "After dinner then. And yes, ladies, I will eat. But not heavily. Not tonight."


    We all got dressed and headed down to dinner after that. Weird, Siobhan taking charge like that, but there''s a first time for everything, I guess. Once we got everybody through the nighttime routine, before we lay down to sleep, she quietly pulled us all to the bathroom, then took our hands and stepped us to that vast field of undulating tentacles. At night the place seemed eldritch, like another world or something.


    Siobhan pulled me away from the other two, then took my hands in hers. "Goddess, may I?"


    I raised an eyebrow, then felt that weird sensation of her sliding into my mind, and realized what she wanted. "Okay."


    I let go, and she fumbled a bit before the tentacles under us rose, writhing around her until they lifted her up, supporting her and rolling her over until she lay on her back, smiling at me. She turned my head so I could see the other two equally suspended, both smirking ever so slightly at me. Then she turned me back to face her. "Do you feel them, my Champion, my Hero, my Tabitha?"


    Given the exactly zero garments we had between us, I couldn''t exactly ignore the sensations from all those writhing, undulating tentacles. I swallowed, then said, "yeah."


    She rolled herself over, propped her chin up with a few tentacles, then pulled a few more into very suggestive positions before smiling at me. "Would you know what form I want your apology to me to take?"


    "I... I think I can guess."


    "So why aren''t you?"


    I closed my eyes, and tried not to think about how I could still see her, feel her, smell her, taste her. "Because I want... no, I need to hear you say it, so I know I''m doing what you want me to do, and not what I want to do."


    She laughed, moved herself down to where she could hold my face in her hands and kiss me. "Silly Tabitha. Saffron is right, you are such a Goof. Who says what I want and what you want need be different?"


    "Still need to hear you say it."


    Still holding my face, but slipping backward until only her fingertips touched me, tentacles rising around her, she said, "So I''ll say it. Stuff. Me."


    Yeah. Like I could resist when she straight up told me shit like that. We didn''t get to sleep for a couple hours, but when we did, we all slept well.


    Dreamt of the others just kinda flopping themselves into my mouth, exhausted and happy.


    Woke up first, got a little upset when it took a while for the others to wake up, until I whispered out, "are you guys all right?"


    Marie immediately replied, "Yes."


    "So why are they still asleep?"


    She leaned over so I could see her grin. "Satiated."


    "So why is nobody else getting up?"


    At that point the woman who kept flirting with me at bath time whispered, "because everyone likes sleeping in sometimes, and you and the Imperator set our schedule." A series of quiet, lazy chuckles filtered through the low snores in the room, and I decided that my official position was ''fuck it, I''m gonna burrow into Marie''s belly until Saffron and Siobhan wake up''.


    Bath time was super late and super lazy, and we wound up missing ''official'' breakfast. Marie led a couple of the women, including Devorah the flirt and the one who seemed ''in charge'' of all of them, Anna, down to get a couple big trays of waffles and sausage from the kitchens for all of us. After our brunch, the women went about their daily whatever, which apparently now included a bit of communal kid watching, and my ladies and I headed back to the homestead.


    Karen stood there waiting for us in that porn star wedding dress of hers. "Tabitha. Please forgive my absence these past few days."


    I shook my head and stepped forward to give her a hug, because she honestly looked distressed about it. "No worries. You had important stuff to take care of."


    "Not as important as my duties to you, my Goddess."


    I rolled my eyes. "You were working on the Temple, right?" She nodded. "That''s part of your duties to me, right?" Another nod. "So you were attending your ''duties to me''. Don''t feel guilty just because I''m high maintenance." She opened her mouth, probably to argue, and I realized that I actually had a trump card to play at this point, and I played it. "Karen, who''s the Goddess?"


    "You are, of course."


    "And that means what I say goes, right?" She nodded, and I finished up with, "and I say you''ve got nothing to apologize for. Okay?"


    She smiled at me, genuinely relieved. "Of course. Now... what did you need me here for again? High Priestess Aetos-Diaz wasn''t clear."


    I mouthed the words, ''high priestess Aetos-Diaz'' before saying, "that''s a bit of a mouthful."


    "Not as much as last night," muttered Saffron, grinning like an idiot. Then again, Siobhan grinned just as hard, and while Marie was behind me, I''m pretty sure her purring was a good grin indicator. Then Saffron stepped forward. "Today you get to experience something which may be entirely unique to our Goddess. You''re aware that Deities can take direct control of their followers?" Karen nodded. "Normally, this requires a Divine messenger of some kind, typically a Demigod, to act as a cutout, lest the Deity''s power erase the Priestess'' Mind and destroy their Soul. However," she turned to me. "Show her, love."


    I looked Karen right in her suddenly apprehensive eyes and said, "may I?"


    She tensed, then laughed. "I thought being trapped in the Workshop of The Weyland Smith for a day was the most terrifying thing I''d have to face as your Priestess."


    "Our Goddess is the embodiment of Terror. Best to get used to it. I certainly have."


    Then Siobhan cut in with, "me too," before she started giggling like a madwoman until Marie came over and draped her arms over Siobhan''s shoulders like a shawl.


    "May I?" I repeated myself.


    Karen took a deep breath, blew it out, and said, "yes."


    I slipped into her mind, and surprised myself with how natural it felt. Siobhan was way weaker and skinnier than me. Saffron was an absolute shortstack, with tits and ass for days. Marie was all whipcord muscle and tension. But Karen felt more like me; definitely woman, but also definitely somebody who''d worked out until the only excess fat was in the chest region. I rolled her shoulders, then kinda reveled in how comfy the dress was. "Wow," I said with Karen''s voice, "who made this?"


    My Holy Garb would be why I spent a day in the Workshop of The Weyland Smith.


    I blinked a little at that. "He did not strike me as the type to ogle women."


    All four of them chuckled at that, Karen doing so inside my head. "He is not, but you are, my love."


    "Wait, my adopted son put my Priestess in eye candy clothing like, specifically for me to ogle?"


    A moment later Siobhan and Saffron both wore their black dresses. Then they both popped the dress parts off, and Marie prowled around into my line of sight to show me she''d done the same. "He made this dress too, love."


    I shook my head. "The Wayland motherfucking Smith is trolling my basic horndog nature."


    Saffron snorted. "Unless there''s something you haven''t told us, that is one appellation that does not apply to him, love. Also, he made the bed. And the toys that go with it."


    I blinked. "The bed has toys?" Then I shook my head. "No, no, no, we''re getting way off track." I slipped my mind out of Karen, then said, "Okay, so now I want you to do that to me, and show me how you do that Mana Blade of yours."


    "You want me to do what?"


    "You heard her correctly, Karen. Like this."


    I felt the two of them slip inside my mind, then Saffron slip back out. Karen''s first word out of my mouth was, "Ow." Followed shortly by, "do you hurt like this all the time, Goddess?"


    I shrugged, or at least sent her a mental shrug. Better some days. Worse others. You get used to it.


    "Really?"


    I keep hoping if I keep telling myself that, I will, but so far? No, not really.


    "Oh... Goddess."


    No tearing up on me, Karen. Make with the fancy Mana Blade.


    I felt her gathering power in my arms; when she pushed it out through my wrists, two eye-searing bright bars of brilliant white light lanced downward, punching two neat holes into the stone of the courtyard.


    "Dammit, more holes to fix," muttered Saffron as the Blades winked out.


    It took another couple tries for Karen to calibrate her Mana Blade spell to my apparently limitless Mana, at which point they looked a lot more like hers. A little darker at the core, a little brighter around the edges, but that same basic cool two toned look. After another half dozen attempts, I managed to poke another pair of holes into the courtyard, and by lunch time I was able to extrude a pair of Mana Blades of my own without her riding along.


    Felt really good when Saffron, instead of bitching at me about the holes in the ground? Had me test my new Blades against the remains of that fuckin'' Cold Iron helmet. Had to get Siobhan to heal me when I burned my hands a bit vaporizing some of it.


    Worth.

 Day Four Hundred And Seventy-Three

    Dear Diary,


    "Redemption is all about,


    Every turn improving,


    Because that''s how a drill works."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Redemption


    Y''know, the worst part of being isekaied is that nobody''s gonna get my best jokes. Then again, apparently I''ve got a reputation for being a bit of an idiotic lunatic, so I guess I might as well roll with it. Then again, maybe that''s how I got the reputation, by making references nobody but me gets, then laughing my ass off while everybody stares at me, wondering what the fuck I''m laughing at. Wouldn''t be the first time I''ve done something that stupid, and sure as fuck won''t be the last.


    Like putting stupid anime references in my Holy Book. I dunno, maybe at some point I''ll steal a laptop with a hard drive full of movies or something. Then again, this is me we''re talking about, so even odds none of those movies are gonna be something appropriate for family movie night, if you catch my drift. Because I just know I''ll go do whatever it is I gotta to do steal that shit, then wind up forgetting what I went for and grab something only tangentially related.


    But maybe if I throw enough weird shit into my Holy Book, people will actually stop and think about it rather than trying to bludgeon people with it. Because that is absolutely not what I want them to do. Bludgeon people. I want them thinking. Thinking good, bludgeoning bad. Shit, maybe I need to put that in there somewhere.


    So yesterday after punching some extraneous holes in the courtyard and turning a former helmet into a fuckin'' iron pancake, Saffron sent Karen home for the night, then had me slice some rocks out of the existing excavations, throw up some Filtration Wards under the courtyard, then use Fire Bolt to melt the fuckers into the holes I''d inadvertently punched in it. Sunset hit with us still standing there, and if it got a little cool, the heat radiating from those chunks of the courtyard definitely warmed things up. Which I appreciated, because with my ladies in their unruffled gothic Lolita dresses and Karen in her porn star wedding dress, they all decided I needed to be in my ''Holy Garb'' as High Priestess of Loki, which was about two square yards of silk, two thirds of that covering one of my legs, with the rest artfully arranged to barely cover my nips. Apparently there is, in fact, a set of panties that go with it, and they did not include those.


    Cold lady bits are not fun lady bits.


    Meh. I whined enough about it that they warmed me up after we got home.


    In the morning Marie, Saffron, and I stepped back to the homestead and Saffron had me melt a bunch more stone into some big forms she''d made in the dirt. Most of them were pretty basic, just big fuckin'' rectangles of stone that she trimmed the imperfections off, then had me lift into place. Not, like, with my hands, although I surprised myself a little bit by being able to stand one up.


    "That goes over here," Saffron said, pointing at what looked like the basement of the excavation at the end of the valley with the mine in it. Which was absolutely at the other end from where I''d been working.


    "Oh, this is going to suck. Why didn''t I do this over there, then?"


    "You need more practice with your tentacles."


    I thought about what Siobhan had me do the other night. With all three of them. It sorta came naturally, being able to just kinda do lots of things at once with those tentacles, but as you might imagine, they weren''t the kind of thing you''d pick up the Two Thousand And One monolith with. "Uh..."


    "The big ones."


    "Big ones?"


    She stepped over to me, said, "well, not the biggest ones. Those are too big. but... the bigger ones." She took my hand and teleported us... somewhere. The homestead valley, but not. Everything looked kinda misty and ethereal, and the excavations and stonework was absolutely ghostly. On the other hand the giant black columns, redwood large at the smallest, were absolutely solid. "This size," she laid a hand on one of those, stroked it, and some part of me got really weirded out when I felt it. "Will do nicely, I think."


    She took my hand, stepped us back to the valley, and nodded to the big stone block we''d crafted. I squared my shoulders, set my feet, and, as she giggled at me like I''d been doing totally unnecessary shit, reached out with the part of me she''d touched in that misty dream world. I... saw the business end of the thing come out of a ripple in the air, and I wrapped it around the massive hunk of rock. Not wanting to find out exactly how badly I could herniate myself this way, I lifted slowly and carefully. Then felt like an idiot as it rose with about as much difficulty as lifting a big two by four or a sheet of plywood.


    Thinking about comedy routines I''d seen, I wrapped the tentacle around it a couple more times, supporting the whole weight of the thing, because I did not need it snapping in two. I lifted it over to where Saffron wanted it, walking along side to keep my eyes on it. I laid it across the basement looking pit, and it settled in with a solid crunch. Weirdest thing is that I''m sure some parts of the tentacle were between the ends of the stone and the spots I set it, but they just... weren''t. Like they phased right through the rock, or squirted out of the way, or I dunno, just fucked off back to neverland or whatever.


    "Nicely done, love." She rewarded me with a deep yet somehow not sloppy kiss, which had me totally pumped to put the rest of those fuckin'' things in place. By the time lunch rolled around, we had the ''main house'' basement covered up, and we both went into the basement where she puppeted me to do another spell she called, ''Mineral Bond''. Which I guess acted kinda like superglue or some shit, only it worked on pretty much everything. While we were down there working, she told me a story about changing Isnomi''s diapers, where I''d given up on trying to fold it together properly and just Mineral Bonded the thing together. Fortunately not to her.


    Then she distracted me from the nigh inevitable weepies about not remembering that by taking advantage of our utter and complete privacy.


    Marie met us as we stepped out of the basement, hands on her hips and one eyebrow raised. She also had a big fuckin'' monster elk lying next to her. "Sorry, Murder Mittens. Didn''t know when you''d be back?"


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    She laughed, rolled her eyes, and got us all really dirty, what with the lack of anything resembling beds or linen, and lying on stone being really fucking uncomfortable.


    To answer the question before it''s asked, standing up.


    But that meant we all had to get a bath before lunch. Oh, no, extra bath time with Saffron and Marie! Anyway. Weirdest fuckin'' thing, when Marie got good and sudsy, I have no idea why, but looking at her grabbed my hindbrain and shook me around. Didn''t go away until I got out a towel and toweled her very, very dry. Her hair did a total Jareth thing at that point, but before I could do the appropriate thing to do with anyone resembling David Bowie as Jareth in any way, Saffron lay a hand on my arm. "Sorry, love, but we''ve news. Marie, could you come with us?"


    She did the trick she did to put us all in our uniforms, and stepped us all to an office, or maybe conference room. Looking out the window, I saw the rapidly clearing devastation of Calverton. Orla and Marylin Calvert were both in the room already, and a moment later Karen showed up, although like us she wore her uniform rather than her dress.


    "Orla, Marylin, Karen, thank you for coming. Could you tell us what you''ve found?"


    Orla nodded, then gestured to Marylin, who looked a little surprised, but stood up and started talking. "The Trolls completed their deconstruction of the House Crow townhouse early yesterday. Orla, General Hargreaves, and I have been going through the documents we found there since then. While the General wound up disappointed, because any references to what passes for the Rich Man''s Port military had been removed or destroyed, we did find some personal correspondence that," she paused, then started over. "I think a member of House Crow was in residence during the plague, and there''s no evidence they ever left during the Undead infestation."


    "What member?"


    "I''m not certain, other than it''s not Tallulah." I must have looked confused, because she explained, "that''s the given name of Lady Crow, the Overlord of Rich Man''s Port and the current head of the House. She has four children." She slipped into an almost recital, like she''d memorized the next bit at some point in the past. "Cailyn, the oldest and most likely to succeed her mother as head of house should Lady Crow die in the next few decades. Lindsey, her only son, who is something of a fop, but who she often trusts as a diplomat because he has no real ambitions of his own. Adrienne, Lady Crow''s estranged second daughter, who''s exiled from Rich Man''s Port, and Ria, who is younger than I am by a year."


    "No cousins or uncles or brothers or anything?"


    Orla shrugged. "Some, but we don''t think it''s any of them. Or Adrienne, for that matter."


    "Why not?"


    Marylin cleared her throat. "Because there is also mention of a full Fae bodyguard escorting whichever member of the House it was. A Lady-in-waiting, who in this case is also her last line of defense, three Knights including one Knight-Medic, and at least one Fae beast of some kind."


    "Uh... okay, I''m gonna pretend like I know what that means. Wait, no, I''m not. By Knight, are we talking about, like, mounted dudes in armor? Because I haven''t seen much in the way of cavalry hereabouts."


    "That''s exactly what they are," Karen chimed in. "Only it''s important to note that their steeds are not horses, but Nightmares."


    "Why do I not think you''re talking about bad dreams?"


    She blew out her cheeks before continuing, "because while they absolutely are, they''re also... Think of something like a horse, but longer. Thinner. Taller. And an obligate carnivore that feeds on fear as well as flesh."


    "Okay, yeah, that sounds pretty nasty."


    "And they allow the Knights to ride because they fear the Knights."


    I let out a low whistle. "Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon. So do we know where they went?"


    Marylin shrugged. "At a guess? Home."


    "Why wait until, like, just recently though?"


    Orla leaned forward just a bit. "Because until you Liberated Calverton from the Undead, the House Crow townhouse was well within the area controlled by the Undead. From what we can tell, the townhouse itself had... significant protections."


    "How significant?"


    "House Crow is a Cadet branch of the House of Ravens." At my ''go on'' gesture, Orla blushed a little, I''m not sure why, but said, "The royal house of the Unseelie Sidhe." I guess I kept looking blank, because she looked a little exasperated and said, "The Morrigan? A Goddess who married the King of the Unseelie, then when he tried to claim some kind of authority over her, killed him dead as fuck, and has ruled the darker half of the Sidhe since then? Also, the prot¨¦g¨¦ of Odin?"


    "Not to mention the Dan Goddess embroiled in a centuries long feud with your adopted sister, love."


    That brick of a Mythology book came to my rescue again. "Okay. Yeah. Morrigan. Also... feuding with Hel?"


    Saffron shrugged. "From what I''ve read, it started with an offhand comment at a social gathering. ''My half-as-pretty cousin'', if the tales are to be believed."


    Dad? Did that bitch really say that about my sister?


    Loki sighed in my brain. She did, daughter. Why do I think you''re hatching a plan to express your displeasure?


    Because along with being six kinds of awesome smart, you''re the best.


    His reply sounded almost giggly. I know.


    "Okay then. So what does Tallulah''s great-whatever-grandmother have to do with the townhouse''s defenses?"


    "First, because they were retributive in nature. From what," Orla swallowed, "your son Conrad tells us, those shells? Were frozen in time until the one who fired them entered the house."


    I shook my head. "Why didn''t they go off when the Crow Fae put the whammy on me then?"


    Orla closed her eyes. "Because, Champion, I''m the one who fired them. Or aimed them and ordered the guns to fire, at least."


    I stepped over and gave her a quick bro-hug. "No worries, Orla. No way we could have known beforehand."


    "But I put you in danger!"


    "Pfft. Like I don''t do that all the time." I scanned the room. "What do we do next?"


    I don''t know what Saffron did, but suddenly all eyes focused on her. "Our next step is to send a diplomatic mission to Rich Man''s Port, to see if they are willing to remove the curse without further need for violence. I have no doubt we could prevail, but we''ve just finished fighting two protracted wars over the past year. We need time to recover, rebuild, and perhaps progress some, if we can manage it."


    "Okay, when do I leave?"


    Saffron shook her head. "You, my love, do not."


    "Why not? I know I''m not quite back up to where I was, but I''m at least what, eighty percent there? Ninety?"


    She sighed. "Oh, I suspect you''re less than half of what you were before you were cursed, but that still puts you at more powerful than you were before the Battle of the Walls." When I just stared, uncomprehending, she continued. "The Battle after which the two finest military minds in Phileo agreed that you, by yourself, are the single most powerful military force in Atlantis?"


    "But why would that... oh..."


    "Oh indeed. If we send you, we are sending an attack force. Fortunately, the Sidhe do not have a monopoly on subtlety or guile."


    I shrugged and leaned against the wall. "Okay. Subtlety and guile? I''m out then."


    Everybody laughed at that, but Orla chimed in, "I beg to differ, Champion. Your plan for the Liberation was executed with such subtlety the Undead had lost before they realized they were in a battle."


    "Just so," said Saffron. "But while all our Heroes who might be able to lead a mission to Rich Man''s Port are unavailable, it''s fortunate that we have a Senior Cadet who focused on the Law and Custom of Rich Man''s Port."


    Karen jumped like she''d been goosed, and before she even managed to reply, her creamy complexion went pale as Saffron''s voice filled our heads.


    Who also happens to be able to summon her Goddess should the Fae need... convincing.

 Day Four Hundred And Seventy-Four

    Dear Diary,


    "Children, Passion, Ecstasy,


    Bloodlust, Vengeance, and, of course,


    the Justified Homicide."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Testament of Domains


    Okay, I get some of those. Passion and Ecstasy, given that I''m apparently continually surrounded by three hotties who want my body for some inexplicable reason, my new life has plenty of passion and ecstasy. Although Passion is more than just sex, I guess. I mean, I more than guess. I get that, I do. Back in the day I was pretty passionate about things. Or, well, I could be. For a while on each thing. Holy fuck, am I only just now realizing my life back at Eastside was fundamentally just me careening from one hyperfixation to another? Anyway, I guess I get passion pretty well, however I came by that knowledge. Ecstasy, and here I''m assuming we''re not talking about the designer drug, but about that state of euphoria you get when you catch that passion and ride it into the ground or vice versa, is also something I can work with.


    Bloodlust... I guess that''s kinda an offshoot of Passion, maybe. Like, if Passion picked up Violence and Kink and had them make a a messy, angry baby. Maybe I''ll ask my future self if she can give me any particular pointers on that one. Then again, it seems like she''s been there, done that, what with killing off five digits worth of poor slobs in the course of a single day. Single battle. Shit, I think based on the description... nah, I''m gonna have Saffron go over that one with me again, because no way did I kill ten thousand motherfuckers in sixty seconds or less. That''s just crazy talk, and I''m not even talking about ''oh, I wouldn''t kill somebody'' or ''I wouldn''t kill that many people''. Yeah, you take anybody from the hood and put them on death ground, the only reason they ain''t goin'' for the jugular is that puts you way too close to their hands and teeth. You wanna go for the femoral, preferably from behind. Fighting fair is for fools; fair play is for games, and fighting for your life is not a game. Fighting for other people''s lives even less so.


    Vengeance... well, shit, I get Vengeance. That one isn''t even all that hard to get. It is, in essence, becoming the agent of Find Out. What with Camden being the Fuck Around and Find Outest portion of the greater Philly area, and Philly being so Fuck Around and Find Out that we applied that shit not only to the hitchhiking robot, but to fuckin'' Santa Claus, Vengeance is written into my goddamned DNA.


    Be careful with that, Daughter.


    With Vengeance?


    No, with Damnation. As I had to explain to you once before, you are a Primordial Deity. When you Damn something, it is quite literal.


    Oh. Oh, shit. Sorry, Dad. I''ll try to watch my mouth.


    In the past you''d taken to using the word ''Blessed'', I think as a kind of ironic response to not being able to say ''Damn'' as often as you''d like.


    Thanks, Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    Well. The more you know and all that good shit. Knowing is half the battle. The other half being extreme violence applied with as much precision as required to wreck someone''s shit. Y''know, I was gonna start in on how ''Justified Homicide'' was kind of a ''what the fuck'' thing, but I guess if we''re taking Vengeance to it''s natural conclusion, we''re talking about ending motherfuckers, which is, in fact, typically homicide. I mean, if the fuckers in Rich Man''s Port won''t remove this fuckin'' curse, I''m definitely gonna ''cide some homies, and I''m gonna feel pretty justified about it.


    I''m glad it''s not Tallulah, though, because if what Marylin says is accurate, she''s got a kid younger than Marylin, which puts her in her mid teens. I know what it''s like to lose a mom right around then, and that shit sucks balls. Wouldn''t put anybody through that, because if I''m utterly mystified as to how I wound up with ''Children'' as one of my Domains, I absolutely understand how important it is. That shit... that''s the answer to problems and the future and everything that matters at the end of the day right there. Anybody who''s all on their high horse about ''oh, I don''t have kids because I''m morally superior'', I gotta wonder how many of them call their pets, or their plants, or some other child replacement their ''babies''. Now, I get it, if you don''t have the stability, whether we''re talking financial, societal, or psychological to raise a kid right, good on you for choosing to abstain. Doing the right thing, and I say this as, apparently, a Deity of Children. But to the people who think it''s just always dumb to have a kid, or the ones who hate kids in general, or the ones who think somehow humans are the source of everything that''s ever gone wrong, I say ''put a sock in it, some of us are trying to raise a better next generation over here, go enjoy your "sleeping through the night" and "having disposable income" and "fundamentally free schedules" and shit''.


    Anyway, tomorrow I gotta decide whether to start with kids or murder. Today I did some construction work and saw Karen off on her big voyage. Only not really.


    So yesterday after Karen speedrunning her imposter syndrome at being told she was gonna be the Alliance''s Ambassador to our nearest non-assimilated neighbor, we had a nice chat with the group of us in what I thought of as ''Calverton HQ''. Didn''t realize how literal that was until Saffron turned to Orla and said, "when will you be arranging for your coronation?"


    "So... we''re the last two then?"


    "There''s no sign of any other living survivors of the House of Calvert."


    Orla looked as indecisive as I''ve ever seen her for about five seconds, then sighed and said, "I won''t be. I''m abdicating in favor of Marylin."


    At which point Marylin looked like she''d just swallowed a live frog and said, "what?"


    Orla nodded. "Yeah, sis. I died. I died and stomped around Calverton as an Undead. On one hand, people aren''t like to forget that. On another, I think you not dying, not giving in to the allure of hate? Makes for you being a lot better monarch than me."


    "But... but I abandoned the City!"


    Orla shook her head. "No. You left the buildings. You took the remains of the City north, and found shelter for them. Then you brought the fighters back and took our City back."


    "That wasn''t me!" Marylin looked more than a little panicked by this point. "That was Champion Diaz! And General Hargreaves!"


    At this point I figured I''d step in. "Marylin?"


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    "Yes, High Priestess?"


    Kinda weird to be addressed like that, but I guess she defaulted to the role that didn''t have her lined up to get a bit of fancy jewelry metaphorically welded to her skull. "What have you been doing lately?"


    "Overseeing construction of Loki''s temple."


    "And?"


    She shrugged. "Using any materials which aren''t fit for use in a structure of that size to rebuild homes. Blessing them, of course. Providing healing and succor to those who need it."


    "Nobody''s been coming to you with questions about shit?"


    "I mean, now and then I''m called here to speak with General Hargreaves about interactions between our military and civilians, and now and again I do the same with Jarl Swanson regarding the Thralls who intend to stay in Calverton, but..."


    I smiled at the lights coming on in her eyes. "Yeah, why exactly do you think they''re coming to you rather than, say, one of the other High Priestesses in the City?"


    "Oh, there aren''t any, at least not that I''m aware of."


    "There''s a High Priestess of Mimic. But she isn''t precisely limited to Calverton."


    Who?


    Saffron smiled at me. Marie, of course. She is officially your High Priestess to Calverton and Norfolk.


    Uh... and you''re Phileo and Camden?


    No, that''s Siobhan. I''ve got Newark and New Amsterdam. When I raised an eyebrow, she explained, the Grand Council building is in close proximity, and the home of the House of Orange needs a firmer hand.


    "Okay, anyway, my point here, and I did have one, is that you''re already doing the important parts of the job. So unless you think it''s gonna make people feel worse, you get to put on the fancy hat and robes for official occasions."


    She got an absolute booger look and said, "I really don''t want everyone having me deciding everything. I find myself envying Olga."


    I shrugged. "Because she offloads so much work onto her Jarls?"


    "Not to mention that whole ''constitution'' thing you had them put together in their Thing."


    Did I do that?


    Something like.


    "Okay, yeah, but you know what the best part about being a dictator is?" When Marylin looked up at me, I said, "if you really want a constitution? You sit down with the smartest people you can find and you write one. Hell, you can even put bits in about experts doing the decision making if you want."


    I watched as Marylin''s face firmed up. Finally she nodded. "I suppose if there''s no one else." She turned to Saffron. "Can I get your assistance with that, Imperator?"


    Saffron rolled her eyes. "I will do my best to arrange a time for you, me, Hargreaves, McCann, and possibly Queen Olga or Grand Councilman Lancaster to work on something."


    Marylin frowned. "Why Lancaster?"


    "I could mention him being your nearest neighbor, but frankly it''s because he''s one of the finest legal minds we have available. Once Tabitha made him understand how ambiguity is the key to laws decaying, he''s become quite adept at creating incredibly explicit legislation for the Alliance. Not to mention Phileo."


    Whatever her flaws, Marylin had some decisiveness, apparently. "So be it. Let me know when the meeting is, I''ll be there."


    "Don''t you need to continue overseeing construction?"


    Marylin made a throwing away gesture. "I''ll have my Regent take care of that while I''m away."


    Orla frowned. "Who''s your Regent?"


    "You are, of course."


    "But I..." She deflated as fast as she''d puffed up. "Okay."


    So once we got that straightened out we arranged to meet Karen at the docks in Phileo today, then headed home for dinner.


    Dreamt that same dream of the lovely ladies feeing me lovely lady shaped foodstuffs. Kinda feel like I''m missing something there, but fuck it, can''t argue with any juxtaposition of them and me that they''re initiating, y''know?


    After breakfast we gave Siobhan a really affectionate ''have a nice day at work'' that I suspect would have had her down for the count before we started monitoring her diet. Then the three of us skipped down to the docks, where Karen was talking to a dude in a really awesome sailor hat. On seeing me, he shouted, "Champion!" and came at me, arms outstretched. I think he may have been thinking about doing some kind of kowtow thing, because his knees were bending when I caught him and pulled him into a bro hug. Then again, maybe he got a little weak kneed when I Translocated to close the gap. I dunno. Dude took it in good spirits, though, slapping me on the back and pulling away until we stood facing each other, hands on each other''s shoulders.


    "Admiral Pesce. Thank you for meeting with us on such short notice."


    Pesce shrugged as his hands slipped away from me. "I work for you, Imperator. My time, she is yours. As is this grand lady," he waved at the big sailing ship behind him. "Champion, I don''t think you ever got a good look at her?"


    I took a look now, making appreciative noises as he waved at the three masts, the bowsprit, I think he called it, the wheel, which apparently was a big deal, and the Crossbow ports along the side. When I saw the name on the ship, I just about choked.


    "Questing Tentacle?"


    He nodded. "The Imperator''s choice. Since this is the first seagoing ship of the Alliance. Built using the best knowhow of Phileo, New Amsterdam, and Norfolk. There''s not another ship on the seas that compares to her." He paused, nodding to me. "Saving the Black Dragon, of course. So I suppose I should say no ship built by Mortals compares to her." Then he grinned, definitely a man proud of his ride. "But I''d be more than willing to take her against Naglfar if I had to!"


    Saffron chuckled. "At the moment, we need the Alliance Seagoing Ship Questing Tentacle not for combat, but for a diplomatic mission. Amusingly, one that will only have you going down the coast, then upriver."


    "Upriver? Where... Oh, Loki preserve. You''re going to Rich Man''s Port?"


    Karen stepped forward. "I am."


    He looked back and forth between Saffron and I. "Not the two of you?"


    Saffron glanced around, the move pure theater, then said, "Senior Cadet Smith can call on us as needed. But should either of us accompany you, the mission would meet far more resistance."


    He sighed. "So... how many will I need to carry?"


    Saffron nodded. "Senior Cadet Smith, two more Senior Cadets of her choosing, and nine Volunteer Units of yours."


    He opened his mouth to protest, but closed it with a thoughtful look when she said he''d be choosing the volunteers. "So. These Volunteers will be paid normal Volunteer, Veteran, or Sergeant rates?"


    "Of course."


    "And if some of them just so happen to also be Questing crewmen?" At Saffron''s shrug, he said, "and paid as such?"


    She chuckled and said, "should everything go smoothly, a little extra pay for those on such an important mission won''t break the Alliance budget." Then she frowned. "Of course, I expect all of them to be presentable should they need to appear before the Overlord''s court, and they''d best be able to sail and fight as well as any other two we might be paying..."


    He nodded. "Fair. Any restrictions as to other cargo?"


    "None. If you''ve a thought to trading, so long as all our embassy''s gear is accounted for, the rest of the hold is yours."


    He nodded. "When do we leave?"


    "How soon can you be ready?"


    He thought about that for a solid minute while the three of us waited. Eventually he nodded and said, "I can be ready to leave half an hour after dawn tomorrow."


    Saffron turned to Karen, put a hand on her shoulder, and said, "you''ve less than a day before you leave. Might want to get working on who''s going with you."


    With that Karen nodded to Admiral Pesce, then disappeared. I gave him another bro-hug, said, "good seeing you!" at which point Saffron and I left for the homestead.


    After I cut some big chunks of stone out of the excavation above the mine, while I heated them up to melt into the molds Saffron had dug out, I sucked my teeth a little and said, "Alliance Seagoing Ship?"


    She smirked at me and nodded. "That does describe it, does it not?"


    "Questing Tentacle?"


    She nodded again, putting on a passable pious look. "I thought it an appropriate homage to my Goddess."


    I sighed and shook my head. "And nobody''s laughing about it?"


    "Oh, I''m certain they are. But never to my face." Then she smiled. "The speculation about the three, now four of us, and what we get up to with my Goddess runs rampant. Which, since I''ve never felt the need to confirm nor deny any of it, gives trivial malcontents a meaningless topic upon which to expound while they''re in their cups."


    "Nobody''s gonna care that the Imperator''s getting drilled by Mimic''s tentacles?"


    "Only one who matters." When I tilted my head, she laughed and said, "the Imperator herself would be deeply disappointed if it were to stop happening on a regular basis after all."

 Day Four Hundred And Seventy-Five

    Dear Diary,


    "To Justify Homicide,


    You must have no other choice,


    To protect other''s safety."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Justified Homicide


    Yeah, I''m that special kind of stupid that takes on the hard part of the job first. I''m pretty sure I can go on about all the other shit for days, and they''re important, but this one... If I''m going into this thing with the idea that homicide can, in fact, be justified, I gotta put some really solid fences around that shit. Otherwise I just know some asshole''s gonna wind up killing people because ''teh gawdez tol me to'' or something like that, and the next thing I know some greedy bastard will wind up using that excuse to off anybody who won''t work for free.


    So, like, self defense is a pretty clear case, except, y''know, when it''s not. Like, if Daya were to come at me with a knife, homicide would not be fuckin'' justified. I''m not even sure I''d have to defend myself, especially if the knife was heavy and dull, because she''s not exactly the kind of powerhouse that could beat me to death with it before she clocked out from exhaustion. Honestly, that''s a big part of why I didn''t list ''self defense'', but ''defense of others''. Because if you''ve got the ability and desire to kill somebody, you''re probably not in a whole lot of danger.


    But people have kids. Some asshole threatens my kids, my first response will not be murder. That would be feeding them their kneecaps while they''re still warm. But if they don''t take that as a clear sign that I''m serious when I say ''back the fuck down right now or I will kill you dead and have my Maid deliver you so deep in Tartarus that Hades won''t be able to find you without a team of sherpas and bloodhounds''. I''m also probably not even gonna go to kneecaps if I realize that the person has some kind of legitimate gripe with me, or if they''re just blowing off steam or some shit like that, what with me being a public official and all that. Maybe I''ll just scoop them up, take them to that big old field of tentacles, and have a polite conversation with them. Because I am a mature adult woman who can talk things out rather than losing my shit, so long as I know my kids are actually safe. Oh, and Siobhan, because despite everything I don''t think she''s really the sort to be able to defend herself.


    So yesterday after finding out that Saffron is, in fact, a huge polyglot nerd who is naming our very expensive new capital ships using the kind of jokes a twelve year old horndog would find hilarious, the two of us headed back to the homestead and proceeded to completely fail to get any meaningful amount of work done. Because I also have the sense of humor of a twelve year old horndog. Kinda fun being in good enough shape that all those wacky ''why would somebody do it like that'' standing positions were options. Of course, both of us completely forgot that Marie was along and watching us. Until she snickered at us when we wound up overbalancing and tumbling down the grassy hillside.


    "Oh, sure. Laugh it up, Mittens. Like you could do better!"


    Yeah, we wound up getting even less work done after that, what with her demonstrating that she could, in fact, do better.


    When we got back to Lancaster House for the night, Siobhan already lay on the bed half asleep. "Siobhan?"


    "Mmpratr?"


    Saffron shook her head and began gently disrobing our Ice Pop. "What happened to the Scribes?"


    By that point Saffron and I had jostled her awake, or at least awake enough to explain. "Oh. They''re fine. They''re even helping me teach the Cadets how to do the paperwork properly. But Marshall duBois..." She trailed off into muttering.


    "Siobhan, I am absolutely willing to call the Marshall to heel if I must, or to explain why I ought not if I think his actions are justified, but I''ll need you to explain."


    "Squadball."


    Saffron''s wince told me most of what I needed to know about that, but I asked anyway. "The fuck is that?"


    "A popular combat sport across Atlantis, one which the Marshall uses to teach squad level tactics and teamwork."


    "A blood sport? Really?"


    "Really." spat Siobhan.


    But Saffron tilted her head, then shook it. "Not really. It''s completely possible to win without injury." When Siobhan opened her mouth to bark something out, Saffron lay her fingers on Siobhan''s chest, "patience, sister?" Siobhan pouted, folding her arms across Saffron''s hand. but nodded. "A squadball is a fabric coated hardwood ball a bit larger than an apple, a bit smaller than a melon. About the largest ball an adult male Human can comfortably throw."


    "Sounds like they''d be a pain for you."


    She shrugged. "That''s part of why I played Healer. The goal is to hit each opposing player twice in succession with a squadball. The first hit marks them as ''injured'', and they have to go to ground. if they''re hit again while ''injured'', they''re out. If a Healer helps them to their feet, they''re no longer ''injured''. Traditionally it''s played with teams of four, with each player being a Tank, a Mage, or a Healer. Mages can throw the ball at the other team or teams, Tanks can block throws with their forearms without being considered ''injured''."


    "A hardwood ball the size of a... softball, maybe?"


    "They are anything but soft."


    "Okay, yeah, but," I held out my hands, "this big?"


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    "That''s correct."


    "Sounds like that could sting."


    "More than sting," Siobhan cut in. "During your first Season at the Academy, one of your friends was killed by a squadball."


    My stomach lurched. "Fuck. I don''t even remember."


    Saffron lay her free hand on my arm. "You saved him. You brought him and his Soul to Siobhan, then gave her the Mana to Revive him. Even if, at the time, that much Mana pulled from you that quickly injured you gravely."


    Siobhan smiled. "That should have been my first hint as to your nature, really." She chuckled. "Loki even asked me. ''Are you implying that Our Tabitha is, in fact, a God?''," she managed a fair imitation of Loki''s voice.


    Not as good as she could if she Mimicked me, which I''m horrified that I even thought that in the privacy of my own head, let alone telling you.


    Worried she''s gonna replace you?


    Siobhan? Hardly. A certain daughter of mine, on the other hand...


    Pfft. Like I could do that. I''m not the best.


    You most certainly are, daughter mine.


    I blushed a little. Thanks, Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    Saffron sighed and took Siobhan''s face in her hands. "I''m sorry, beautiful little Concubine, but I cannot in good conscience tell Marshall duBois to stop Cadets from playing Squadball."


    "Not even maybe with some extra padding or whatever?" I asked.


    She shook her head. "Cadet uniforms are the most armor or padding most Phileo Heroes will ever wear. Those with no experience taking a hit need to learn to do so. Or learn to dodge."


    I laughed. "Holy shit. ''If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball'', only backwards."


    The others looked at me like I''d said something crazy, which I guess I kinda had. So I picked up Siobhan, led the nightly procession to the bathroom, and kept her in the crook of my arm while I did my nightly stuff. "So. Since we can''t stop the dodgeball... I mean squadball... is there anything else you''d like as compensation for the Marshall working you to exhaustion? Healing, I''m guessing?"


    "Oh, I don''t need... wait, oh, yes, that''s exactly why I''m exhausted. Too exhausted to properly understand your question even."


    As I handed another kid a cup of water to clean themselves off with before they got off the toilet, I murmured in her ear, "I guess you''re too tired for anything bedroom related then?"


    She blushed and burrowed into my neck. I was hoping we could show Tabitha the... ah... toys tonight?


    Saffron''s voice slipped into my brain. You are in no condition to be playing with the contents of those drawers.


    Oh, but the ones in the headboard? Siobhan sent me an image of her hands slipping a cleverly hidden dildo out of a slot in the headboard of our secret bed.


    I''m not sure you''re in any condition to use those, Siobhan. Saffron sounded more amused than anything though.


    Oh, not use them, but...


    Well, Tabitha? It''s up to you. Those toys were part of your birthday present, after all.


    I nudged Siobhan with my chin, and when she looked up at me, said, "are you sure you trust me? After the other night with the soup?"


    She rolled her eyes and murmured, "of course I do, my Hero. You meant well, you apologized when you realized you''d erred," and I''ve forgiven you utterly when you paid the price I asked, remember?


    That got a little bit of a blush out of me, because that was some serious hentai shit we did that night. Which, considering the amount of happy ''more please'' noises the ladies filled my brain with during, they were into. Now I kinda wondered if I''d ever actually indulged in that kind of thing. Also, would that be masturbation, or selfcest, or what?


    The four of us hit the bed''s room the moment the kids were asleep, and I found myself completely in awe of the sheer number and variety of toys in the headboard. Weirdest thing was one that didn''t match the others; it had some kind of leather outer cover, and I swear I felt everything it touched. Magic is fuckin'' weird as shit, but it does make for some fun adult games.


    Slept the sleep of the just and righteous, which for me included dreams of being fed interesting combinations of dumplings, pasta, and popsicles. Weirdest popsicles in the world, with that kind of crunch you expect from a good frozen ice treat, followed by falling apart into slush in my maw.


    In the morning after bath and breakfast, the three of us gave Siobhan a quick but thorough kissing good bye, after which the kids all lined up for kisses as well, since ''I wasn''t staying to play today''. Then the three of us went to the homestead and started in on more hillside rock carving and stone slab pouring and placement. Around lunch I realized Saffron had been pushing me a little harder than previous days. When we sat down to a quick picnic Marie brought out for us, I asked her.


    "Any reason we''re rushing?"


    Saffron thought about it, then nodded. "The weather is getting colder, and I think the ladies in the suite would like to at least begin working on our new home before the first snows hit." After a quick pause, she quietly said, "I''d very much like to have enough completed to celebrate Yule here, myself."


    I slid over to put an arm around her, then beckoned Marie to do the same from her other side. "Hey, I got no problem with that. I just want to make sure we''re not expecting, I dunno, a Dragon or something to show up."


    Marie shook her head. "Winter."


    That stopped me. "The actual fuck? Like, there are real Dragons here?"


    Both of them froze for a second, then laughed. Before I could get a bug up my ass about it, Marie managed to choke out, "Three."


    Saffron slipped her hand up to my chin, not even able to keep herself together enough to put it over my lips. "Sorry. Sorry, love. You... sorry." After a bit, when she finally worked it out of her system, she said, "You''ve fought three. Which is three more than most living people can boast surviving, save those you fought alongside."


    "Uh... did I run fast or something?"


    She chuckled again. "I believe you did before fighting the one I shot to death with Vulcan, but for the most part, no. You crushed one shortly after arriving here." She shook her head. "It took me quite a while to realize that was you Mimicking a Kraken. But you saved all of us from Camden when you did so. Then there was the one on the road to Lancaster, which you fought in melee until I arrived with Vulcan. That''s where the Dragon Slayers armor comes from. Everyone from the Lancaster Expedition has a set, and those are some of the most coveted sets in the Alliance''s non-Heroic military."


    "What happened to the other two?"


    She barked out a laugh. "I''m not certain what you did with the first one. Maybe you ate it? I wouldn''t be surprised. But the third?" She laughed again, this time having to force the words out through chuckles. "You landed the Black Dragon on it. From the sky. It splashed."


    "Wait... how big were these things?"


    She tilted her head, thinking. "The first was the size of a house. The second, perhaps three times that in every dimension. The third I never saw in person, only through your eyes, but... you''d first mistaken it for an island in the middle of the Bay."


    "Nine times the size of a house, and I went hand to hand with it?"


    Saffron shook her head, but before I could sigh in relief, she said, "you borrowed Larry''s sword."


    "I... am an idiot."


    "Counterpoint. You''re here, eating lunch with Marie and I, while we plot your imminent seduction and subsequent ravaging, while all that remains of that Dragon adorns ten of our Heroes and three hundred of our Volunteers."


    "Yeah, I guess I... wait, what?"

 Day Four Hundred And Seventy-Six

    Dear Diary,


    "Do not kill if wounds will do,


    Do not wound if pain will do,


    Do not hurt if fear will do."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Justified Homicide


    Yeah, I''ve read variations on that one in a couple places. Fantasy novel about some sick old rapey dude, comic book about some bondage chick, hell I think I saw it in an anime once too. But the whole deal boils down to ''don''t escalate further than you have to''. Something tells me that in a world where Souls are real things that killing isn''t exactly the ultimate escalation, but it''s still pretty fuckin'' high up on the list. ''Kill them'' shouldn''t be the default setting on the response-o-meter, no matter what the Queen of Hearts says.


    Speaking of monarchs and hearts, yesterday after Saffron and Marie enacted their dastardly yet you don''t see me complaining plan, we lay there on the hillside ignoring how the moisture from the plant life we''d mashed and the soil we''d gotten liberally caked all over ourselves was kinda chilly. Saffron traced my scars with her finger, leaving dirt lines from where she''d clutched at the ground in lieu of sheets at one point. "You know, I think you''ve actually fought four Dragons, technically."


    "Don''t tell me I tried to throw down with my own ship or something equally stupid?"


    "Wha? Oh, no, I don''t mean the Black Dragon. I mean from what I''ve heard, during a summoning duel down in Norfolk your opponent summoned up a Dragon."


    "Like, a little one, or..." She shook her head. "How the fuck did I deal with that?"


    "The spectators were unclear. One moment it breathed flaming acid over your Wards, nearly killing some bystanders in the process, and the next it had been crushed as if by an enormous tentacle and thrown into the sun." She lay her grubby little hand on my cheek and said, "given that those injured spectators included a woman with an infant child, I suspect you took exception to the Dragon''s sloppiness. You certainly ended any desire anyone in Norfolk had to duel you when you ended your opponent."


    "Uh... do I know how to summon stuff, too?"


    She laughed. "You called your mother and set her on him."


    "Why do I not think you''re saying I dropped Sigyn''s glorious dump truck of an ass on his head?"


    Marie snorted at that one, and I held up a hand for and received a high five. "Because you did not in fact summon Sigyn. Nor your birth mother from your world of origin. No, love, you summoned Mimic''s Mother. Domnu. Mor Primordial of Darkness."


    My brain slid to a stop. "I did what?"


    "From what you told me at the time, you summoned her up, bested her in single combat, threaded your tentacles through her very being such that should you wish it, you could kill or control her with a thought, then you had her turn your opponent into... what was the phrase again, Marie?"


    "Sloppy."


    "Yes, thank you!" Saffron leaned over and gave Marie a quick kiss, then turned back to me. "Sloppy meat chunks."


    "Where is she now, then?"


    Saffron shrugged. "I''m certain you could tell if you reached for her, but last time you did you discovered her playing with the paramour you introduced her to. I think your words were ''brain bleach, brain bleach, that''s bigger than she is, that shouldn''t fit, brain bleach''."


    "Bigger than she is?"


    Saffron nodded. "He''s a Jotnar. A giant, like Loki, only exceptionally blessed in the manhood department. And she is Sigyn sized. And shaped, amusingly."


    I just shook my head. "The more we talk about it, the more I think that if shit goes down, I''m not gonna be anywhere near as badass as you... as I ought to be."


    "We''ll see. Ready to get back to work?"


    We spent the rest of the afternoon, right up until the sun touched the horizon, cutting, melting, forming, placing, and Bonding rock. Actually the last few big plates of rock we didn''t even place or bond, just left them stacked up like the world''s biggest dominoes. I didn''t ask, because I''d gotten a little into my own head about maybe not being the engine of destruction the Alliance, and more importantly my little family needed when push came to shove.


    Not even the three of us taking turns speedrunning Siobhan into sleepy satiation could shake that feeling.


    Fuck, even felt some kinda way while dreaming, despite my dream ladies'' best efforts. Somehow the popsicles felt like miniature blizzards, the pasta squirmed in ways that made my mouth and lady bits water, and the soup dumplings ruptured orgasmically, despite that adjective not normally applying to foodstuffs.


    Woke up out of sorts, but tried my best to keep that from the little ones and the others. Don''t think I succeeded. Not only were the kids particularly rammy by the time we let them go, Devorah and Anna teamed up to ambush us in the living room. Politely, but still ambushing. "Imperator, the ladies would like to know when we''ll be able to join you working on our new home?"


    "A few more days at most. We''re dealing with a few potential problems." When Devorah opened her mouth, Saffron cut her off. "Of a nature that might challenge Marie." Devorah''s mouth shut with a snap. The two of them didn''t look happy, but they didn''t argue, either.


    Breakfast wound up being red meat heavy, which I appreciated, what with Siobhan still not being nearly as faint-proofed as I wanted her to be.


    When we got to the homestead, after I melted down enough rock to fill another four big molds, Saffron called out, "Tabitha, come here please?" from the courtyard.


    I thought about putting my coat and shirt back on, but even with a slight chill in the air I''d still broken a light sweat with all the Mana working. I stepped over to find Marie standing about half the courtyard away, facing the two of us. "What''s up?"


    "I am fully confident that should you need to, as you put it, ''wreck someone''s shit'', you will be able to, but I think you may need to realize that as well, or you might over or under react to something the Fae come up with. So... Marie?" Saffron stepped to the side of the courtyard. "Begin."


    I barely saw Marie coming at me in time to duck under her swipe. My eyes might still see an albino Macrophage with gorgeous pearly whites and drag queen fingernails, but my brain registered that those hands were claws that would put any tiger to shame, and her mouth was in fact full of fangs. I''m not quite sure how long I ducked, dodged, dipped, and dove, but by the time she managed to get one hand around my forearm, enough sweat drenched me that she couldn''t manage to keep a grip on me. Eventually, her Maid outfit looking a lot worse for wear, she lunged at me, and I managed to get a grip on both of her forearms, let her roll over me, and slammed my knees painfully on either side of her as she landed on her ass and shoulders. She lunged toward me, mouth open...


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    And I turned my head to the side, bearing the four circular white scars at the juncture of my shoulder and neck.


    She froze with her teeth pressed to those four points, then ran her tongue across my skin. Then she pulled away, head bunted me maybe a little more energetically than affection called for, followed by a frustrated sigh. She turned to Saffron and said, "duBois."


    Saffron slumped. "I''d hoped to avoid telling him." When Marie shrugged, then went back to licking my shoulder, she sighed and said, "I''ll be right back."


    "No hard feelings?"


    Marie pulled back, lifted an eyebrow, then flipped us over so she straddled my leg. Her gaze locked to mine, she reached behind herself and took a gentle yet inexorable grip on my calf. "Soft." Lifting my leg by the calf, she slipped forward inch by inch, purr-growling the whole time.


    "Why am I here again?" a deep voice startled me out of my hypnotized staring at my tiger lady''s eyes. I jumped upright to see an absolute unit of an older dude standing there wearing an Academy uniform. He looked... okay, if you''ve seen Ted Theodore Logan and John Wick? Imagine doing whatever was done to Ted to turn him into Wick, but starting with Jack fuckin'' Black. Like, yeah, obviously friendly, goofy guy buried somewhere under there, but also obviously a dude on a danger level with Marie, maybe. Which totally had me weirded out, since because while I had years of experience on the streets of Camden to guide me in determining ''dangerous'', I had never been able to really quantify it in even that nebulous kind of way.


    "Marshall, you are about to be told information which, to this point, has been entirely confined to the High Clergies of Mimic and Tabitha Diaz herself. It is a secret which could imperil the safety of the Alliance, her Cities, and her People."


    The Marshall looked around at our homestead, then said, "yeah, kinda figured, with you pulling me out here in the middle of nowhere, that either I was gonna be executed, seduced, or things had gone sideways."


    Saffron smiled at him, the kind of smile that would make lesser men wet themselves, and Marie and I wet. "Oh, Marshall. Should I believe you merit execution, you will have a full formal Court Martial, and should you be found guilty and sentenced to death, given your decades of faithful service, it would be done in whatever manner you wished. And you aren''t scheduled for seduction for at least another few years. No, we''ve called you here because a Fae of Rich Man''s Port has cursed Tabitha with amnesia." She held out a hand, forestalling the Marshall''s questions. "We and her Clergy have worked to restore her memory to the point where she''s no longer a danger to the Alliance or herself, but," she sighed, the gesture pure theater. "She doesn''t believe that she is, in fact, a danger to our enemies."


    I watched him mouth the words ''not a danger'' before he shook his head and said, "wait, what was that you said about..." Saffron interrupted him by throwing a quarterstaff at him. I missed his response, since she''d thrown one at me, too.


    "Tabitha, the Marshall is the one who first taught you Close Quarters Combat. He is acknowledged as one of the most dangerous single combatants in Atlantis." She turned to him. "Marshall? Hurt her. That is an order of your Imperator."


    The man did not fuck around. He came at me, that quarterstaff arcing right down at my head. I deflected it, moved into my whole dodge, duck, dip, dive routine, only this time with deflection in there too. Of course he got pissed or bored or whatever way faster than Marie, and a moment after I evaded his latest assault another quarterstaff almost took my head off. It did clip the side of my head and ring it like a bell; I stepped to the far end of the courtyard, at first thinking I was seeing double. A moment later both of them were on me, and I realized that he absolutely was doing his dead level best to do unto me.


    I... might have gotten a little bit pissed. Not sure why. Maybe it was some dude old enough to be my grandpa coming at me with no more hesitation than me nomming snacks. Maybe it was getting my bell rung. Maybe it was Saffron announcing her intent to intent with the dude right out in the open, although honestly that was kinda hot. But for whatever reason, something snapped.


    A half dozen of me came at each of him, ignoring the feedback whine and the sudden tunnel vision and the weird pins and needles. He spawned another of himself, and I immediately spawned another three of me, keeping him outnumbered five to one. The universe narrowed to a constant staccato clacking and grunts as he pulled off some absolute bullet time shit to avoid me clobbering him. Then I shifted so that four of me held two of him back, and the other seven ganged up on the last of him. Toes, fingers, shins, knees, elbows, arms, thighs, crotch, gut, and finally all seven of me rapped him atop his noggin in quick succession. When the seventh hit he crumpled and disappeared.


    He looked dizzy but redoubled his efforts. Which didn''t fucking matter when ten of me swarmed one of him. Finally all fifteen of me assaulted the last of him, although this time I concentrated on the backs of his joints. Elbows, knees, wrists, and ankles. Before long I got a quarterstaff between his legs and, when he clamped his thighs together, twisted it, toppling him to the ground. I dogpiled him, grabbing his legs and right arm. He managed to keep the left one free, and I dropped one of me onto his chest, straddling his neck. I pulled back my fist, and his left arm came down on the me that had been trying to immobilize it, slamming me to the ground and smashing my tits in the bargain. Fucker had big fuckin'' hands. Not Marie big, but big enough to smash both of them at once.


    I punched him in the forehead. "That fuckin'' hurts!"


    "I''m tryin'' to fuckin'' surrender, Diaz!"


    "Oh. Sorry about that." I collapsed back to the one of me straddling his face, somersaulted forward off of him, and bounced to my feet. By the time I turned around, he''d gotten back to his feet, and was rubbing at his forehead with one hand.


    "I dunno if you''re quite up to where you were when you killed Gregor and Ericson, but you sure as shit can beat me, which puts the list of people who can go head to head with you at maybe a dozen in Atlantis, and none of them are from Rich Man''s Port." Oddly enough, the dude didn''t look pissed at all that I''d just beat the shit out of him. The opposite, really.


    "Thank you, Marshall."


    "Wait, didn''t I hear..."


    "Marie, please get the Marshall to the Infirmary. I''m sure you and Siobhan can see to his needs."


    Before he or I could say anything, a grinning Marie appeared next to him, took him by the hand, and they both disappeared.


    I stepped over to Saffron, definitely on the edge of feeling some kinda way. "Did you or did you not just tell our Concubines to bang a dude old enough to be our grandfather?"


    She huffed up at me. "Oh, please. He is barely old enough to be our father, and only then if he''d had us when he was younger than we are now. Also, even if he were, Marie is older than all of us put together. And I would never give any orders to our Concubines. You, and please note that I agree completely with your decision in this, have been very clear that anything they do or is done to them is with their Consent. Enthusiastic Consent, preferably."


    I let out a long, slow breath that I hadn''t realized I''d been holding. "Thanks, Kitten. I..."


    "Besides, Siobhan doesn''t like men that way. But Marie doesn''t do Healing, and I''m certain the Marshall will appreciate the trust and favor we''ve shown him by placing his healing in the caring, not to mention cute, hands of our very own Concubine."


    "Oh. Yeah, I guess..."


    "And he''ll certainly appreciate when Marie uses him to relieve all the tension you built up in her with your flirtatious sparring earlier. By fucking him, not fighting him, just to be clear."


    "I... but... you didn''t, huh? Why?"


    She smiled up at me. "Because she is Marie, greatest among Maenads, a veritable icon of violence and sex. I believe you referred to her as ''Queen of the Murderfuck Cult''. Not that I want her to murder him. Not that I think she will. I really hope she doesn''t. He''s a very good Marshall, I''d hate to have to find another."


    "How can you just sit there talking about that so calmly?"


    "Do I look... calm?"


    I stopped, looked down at her, and realized. "No. No, you actually look kinda. Um. Horny."


    She stepped over, slipped her hands around my neck and said, "yes, love. That I am. As you once said to a Devorah, she is your Concubine and Fianc¨¦, not your slave. Not your property. What she does she does out of hunger and for the pure joy of it, not for any other reason. Now... how do you feel about it?"


    "Uh... Jea... no. Envious?"


    "Of him? Or her?"


    I thought about that for a split second before saying, "yes?"


    She laughed, the sound pure joy echoing around our under construction homestead valley. After a moment I snuggled my arms around her waist and laughed with her, because that kind of happiness from someone you love is just infectious. Then she pulled her mouth up to my ear and said, "So, do you want to retire to our boudoir and watch through her eyes, or get up to our own shenanigans?"


    I didn''t even need a split second to think about that. "Yes."

 Day Four Hundred And Seventy-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    "Don''t escalate to murder,


    But clear, present danger to,


    Agency justifies it."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Justified Homicide


    Yeah, sometimes I really wanna smack future me for picking this particular format. I mean, I get it, maybe, I think. Give people something they can hum, can sing, can turn into hymns, and they''ll remember it a lot better than just dry prose. Keep it short and they''ll remember it better than longwinded discussions about shit too. I even get how she decided to avoid too many ''do this, don''t do that'' things, because that shit ages like fine milk.


    So that leaves me with nine verses, twenty seven lines, one hundred eighty nine syllables to explain when it''s okay to merk somebody. Oh, I could take the easy way out and just make a list, but that runs into the whole moralizing problem. If somethings on the list and shouldn''t be, somebody gets away with murder. If something''s not on the list and should be, somebody else gets away with shit that should have by rights put them in a pine box. So I gotta abstract that shit. I mean, with Agency being such a big thing in the earlier verses, I can lean on that a little. Because the shit that I can think of that justifies homicide all comes down to taking Agency away from somebody in a serious way. Rape. Slavery. Murder. All the things that steal away chunks of somebody''s very limited Time.


    Oh. Oh, fuck. Maybe that''s another reason I''m so down on, y''know, me going off on somebody like that. Or anybody like me. A God or Goddess. Because with very few exceptions, it''s not possible to take all our Time away. Fuck, it''s hard to even take a meaningful amount of it away. So yeah, on top of the whole thing where I''ve apparently got mad melee skills and secret tentacles that can yeet hundred ton monoliths like shuriken, so maybe I can afford to not escalate to murder as option number one, there''s also the fact that if I get my ass kicked so bad that I lose a week or three, it''s not, like, even a meaningful portion of my lifespan. Same goes for any other Deities out there.


    So yesterday afternoon was fun, but did bring up some real weird shit that had me sorta pensive through our end of day routine. Which, since Siobhan insisted on ''doing her duty'', included a visit to the Bed''s room, where I definitely spoiled everything by musing, "y''know, I always thought it was rude to think about somebody else while you were with somebody."


    Saffron, as the only other person in the room with her mouth free, said, "I suppose it would be if you make it seem like your partner is a second choice."


    "But how can you not?"


    She just grinned at me, and suddenly surprise second Saffron got right up in my grill, smiling and saying, "simple. Choose both."


    Then she took away my ability to ask stupid questions. Not complaining.


    Dreamt of my lovely ladies feeding me again. New addition, though. Karen showed up. Not sure what she stuffed in the maw yet. Too busy nomming to look. Crunchy and sweet, like the Ice Pop, but spicy hot. Don''t know what exactly, but I know I''ve had something like it before. Wasn''t half bad, although definitely in the dessert realm like Siobhan. Didn''t slow down the nom one bit, though.


    Woke up and went through the normal morning routine. When Anna went through the bath, she asked, politely but clearly, "pardon, Imperator, but have you any idea when we''ll be able to join you on the Homestead?"


    Saffron paused a moment before replying, her hands still working suds into Anna''s hair. "I had intended today, but something came up to delay us yesterday. Tell everyone to be ready to go tomorrow after breakfast." Then she paused again. "Unless you think the ladies would rather start with a half day? We could bring you all over after lunch."


    That seemed to blow Anna''s mind. She froze completely, utterly still while Saffron kept scrubbing, eventually whispering after Saffron dumped a kettle of water over her. "Are... are you actually asking me, Imperator?"


    Saffron smiled at that. "I should have you call me Saffron when we''re here in the bath, I think."


    "As you will, Imperator." Saffron just stared at her. "Ah. Saffron. As you will, Mistress Saffron."


    My tiny tyrant laughed. "Just Saffron, while we''re all here in private. I am Imperator Aetos-Diaz. I am Archmage Aetos-Diaz. I am Hero Aetos-Diaz. But none of those make me infallible, and you spend the bulk of your time every day socializing and, to the extent you can all find productive uses for time, working with the ladies. I would be arrogantly stupid to assume I know more of their preferences and desires than you."


    Anna frowned thoughtfully. "Archons and Kings seem to think they''re infallible."


    Saffron chuckled. "So it''s for the best that our Tabitha named me Imperator, isn''t it?"


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    I did what?


    "She did?"


    Saffron just nodded, meeting my eyes as she gave Anna a little boost toward me. When I finished drying Anna''s hair, while Saffron showed herself to be fully capable of fending off Devorah''s flirtatious bathtub incompetence, my Kitten explained. "After the Battle of the Walls, when the men of power were set to sign yet another in a long line of treaties guaranteed to start another war in a generation, Champion Diaz, then just Freshman Cadet Diaz, already acknowledged as the most powerful military force in Atlantis, suggested a better way. A compact between our four Cities, one where each City stood equal to the others, back to back against all who would threaten any of us. Then she turned down every position of power, giving one to her greatest rivals'' father, another to her worst enemy''s sister, a third to a waitress, a fourth to a homeless refugee, and then," she paused, and the look she gave me left me breathless. "Gave the final authority to me."


    "Hey, I''d suck as Imperator. All I can do is wreck shit."


    Saffron just turned up the wattage on that look, and it surprised me that so little of it was, y''know, sex. Just... I dunno. A clear desire to grab me and cling to me forever. "Says the woman who came up with the idea for our pontoon bridges, for the Smite spell, the corn that kept the Alliance fed through a famine, and even the Alliance itself."


    "Pfft. Pontoon bridges my idea? Nah, couldn''t be. I don''t even know the Smite spell, don''t know how that could be me, and the corn... that''s just me eating shit, that''s not ''creative''."


    By now she was chuckling as she shoved Devorah at me and started in on a smirking Siobhan. "And the Alliance?"


    I contained Devorah by capturing her hands in the towel and then using it to dry her off. "Oh, that''s easy. Power makes you horny. Totally just a way to keep you ready to go any time I''m in the mood."


    She snorted. "Like you''re ever not."


    "Exactly."


    That got Devorah trying to laugh while she pouted. I kept spinning her and nudging her just a little off balance while I dried her until I got her to the point I could boost her toward Marie. No idea if our Maenad intimidated her, or she wasn''t into tall chicks, or if, I dunno, Marie was just really, really good with subtle finger work and Devorah had some hitherto undisclosed ability to not project her intentions and activities to three counties.


    Breakfast we got scrambled eggs mixed with peppers, onions, and some kind of sriracha. Holy fuck, those were good. I think I polished off like two whole serving trays all by myself. I was a little worried folks would be upset with me nomming all that, but the only comment was from Bonnie, who said, "I''m glad our Ladies managed to get the recipe right!"


    Spent the morning making more big stone slabs and stacking them up. Right after we stopped for lunch, as Marie set out a nice spread for all four of us, because Siobhan had tagged along today, Karen showed up.


    "Goddess."


    "Hey Karen. You can call me Tabitha, y''know?"


    She smiled, shaking her head just the tiniest bit. "Not as a greeting, Tabitha. I''d... Permit me to greet you as seems fitting to me?"


    I shrugged. "Hey, your mouth. Use it as you will."


    I nearly spit out the big bite of sandwich I''d taken when she smirked and said, "I told you, I''m looking for Mister Right. But if you keep teasing like that, you might wind up Miss Right Now."


    Saffron interrupted. "Highest Priestess Smith, you came to report?"


    Karen blushed a little. "I''m sorry. Did... did I overstep?"


    I''m glad I''ve never played poker with Saffron. If I''m wearing my Holy Garb, I''d be naked in three hands. Her face carefully blank, she said, "of course not, Karen. But you cannot give a proper report with your mouth full."


    Siobhan, lying on her side and blushing furiously as she drank some more of Marie''s liver bisque, thought, but she really could though.


    That got Saffron, whose poker face broke as she snorted out a laugh, and Karen blushed furiously, her freckles standing out like stars as she said, "Well. We''ve reached the headwaters of the James, we should be within sight of Rich Mans'' Port in another two days."


    I thought of something. "Who''s managing the Temple construction now?"


    She nodded. "Oh. Me, of course." I must have frowned just a little, because she said, "it''s not like I have a lot to do aboard ship, so I find a visible place to sit or stand, then Co-Locate to the Temple to oversee construction. The foundation is complete, and the lower rooms have finished construction. We''ve decided to hold off on furnishings and decorations until construction is complete. Construction is currently focused on the Sanctuary, although we only started yesterday, so while I can''t give a definite completion date, if things move as they have for the rest, I suspect we''ll be ready to begin construction of the upper rooms within two weeks."


    "Damn. Seems pretty fast?"


    She nodded. "We''ve received a great deal of assistance from the other Temples, not to mention an outpouring of support from the citizens of Phileo and the Yards. Even if most of those from the Yards aren''t skilled construction workers."


    I frowned at that, thinking about how many people assumed anybody from my old Camden had to be unskilled, until Saffron cut in. "The skilled construction workers in Camden Yards are working almost exclusively on their new City Hall and Academy."


    "Oh. Right. Guess that takes precedence for them."


    "Indeed." Then my Kitten looked at Karen and said, "so Karen, will you be staying for lunch? I''m sure Tabitha would love to see your mouth in action."


    I''m really not sure whether it''s more dangerous to piss Saffron off, turn her on, or just amuse her. I mean, I''m pretty sure I do all three on a regular basis, because I''m an idiot, but luckily for the goddess who needs instructions on the heel to pour piss out of her boots, my High Priestess is smarter than that. She blurted out something about needing to oversee construction, then disappeared.


    We did wind up bringing the rest of the crew in for the afternoon. Turns out the Maenads, working together, can move one of those big slabs. It''s up in the range where they definitely need a clear path and all of them to do it, but they can. I''m pretty sure Saffron chose the slab sizes specifically for that, but I''m not gonna say anything. I can, in fact, keep my mouth shut on occasion.


    Really I can.


    Why is everybody laughing?

 Day Four Hundred And Seventy-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    "Agency violation,


    Justifies a Homicide,


    If there''s naught else to stop it."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Justified Homicide


    Oh, fuckin'' hell, I''m a poet now. Once you get shit like ''naught'' on you, there''s no way to get that crap off. It''s like literary glitter, I tell you. Still, managed to stay in format and get my point across pretty well, I think. Better than yesterday anyhow. Not sure if future me will keep both verses to drive the point home, or rewrite one, or replace one.


    The reason I''m not sure being twofold. First of all, the whole point of this is to make sure that people who are using me as an excuse for killing someone are at least doing it for reasons I''d approve of. Like, if somebody kills a wannabe rapist instead of just breaking their kneecaps, they might need some counseling, some anger management, some therapy, whatever, but they''re at least applying consequences for a good reason.


    The other reason being... I''m not sure how much we''re really the same person. Like, yeah, I get it, my ladies make it clear that I''m me, just maybe me with a temporary, curse induced mental disability, but at the end of the day, what are any of us except memories? Like, I know the literal answer to that. We''re bodies with muscle memory and habitual emotional responses and talents and, I guess I gotta add ''Souls'', because I''ve literally seen my own stretched out in front of me, felt people touching it and shit. But I think memories play a big part in who we are too. Which, I mean, I guess she''s got all of my memories. She didn''t seem to take a long time to jot down those little instructions for me, which means the ladies didn''t have to explain shit to her, which means she''s... well, she''s not riding around in the back of my head, but she''s...


    Fuck, she''s ''me plus''. She''s what I would be if I''d lived through all this shit they said she did. I guess that''s made her a lot more self confident, if she managed to actually found a government and walk away from it, and run a whole military campaign, and manage to woo not just one, but three hotties. Plus occasional side pieces, if I''m picking up what Saffron''s putting down properly? Part of me dreads something like that happening, because I think it''ll be really weird, doing shit with somebody while my ladies are watching. Or even just, like, listening in the way Saffron and I did the other day with Marie and duBois. Who, for the record, had enough stamina and flexibility to impress my Murder Mittens. That was a weird experience. In one way, kinda like putting a hat on a hat. In another, holy shit fuckballs hat my ass up, because literally getting more intensity than possible with one set of neurons.


    I kinda wonder about that. I''ve read a shit ton of Sci-Fi and Fantasy and Horror over the years. Just about all of it had characters with some capabilities well beyond the human norm. Strength. Endurance. Agility. Lifespan, and if you''re wondering how that applies, you''ve never tasted the cooking of a nona who''s spent her entire life perfecting like five dishes her nona taught her when she was twelve. But none of them, even the ones that mentioned it an offhand kinda way, talked about exactly what that meant for intimate shenanigans. Like, okay, yeah, sometimes they''d talk about ''oh, hours and hours'', and I think I read one once about a shapeshifter doing some custom fit bullshit, but never anything about how with enough strength and I guess durability, dude can hold up the weight of a full grown woman with nothing but Tab A in Slot A. Or how if your spine makes a bog standard human spine look like an inflexible steel bar, you can put your Tab B in his Slot B while he''s holding you like that.


    Maybe I just didn''t read enough Romance novels? Gotta fix that, there''s a whole headboard full of them on the Bed.


    Of course, to do that I''m gonna have to find some time when I''m not doing work that an OSHA inspector would have an aneurysm if she saw me doing it while also reading a novel and slash or polishing the pearl, because let''s face it, the odds I''m gonna read a hot romance novel and not self service at some point approach zero, with the possible exception of reading while one of my ladies is providing that service instead, which both sounds objectifying and rude and holy shit I want to try that now, because despite my best intentions I am apparently not immune to propaganda.


    Note to self: get Saffron a pair of booty shorts with the word ''propaganda'' sewn across the ass.


    Note to self, addendum: make her wear them at work under whatever else she''s wearing.


    So after spending the afternoon melting rocks, because Saffron handled the cutting, and the ladies and Maenads handled the carrying to and fro, we stepped everybody back to the suite at Lancaster House. Saffron immediately declared it bath night.


    I started to whisper, then realized I could be quieter than that. Why not just wait until morning?


    She stepped behind me, pressed herself against me and slipped her arms around me to lace her fingers through mine. Close your eyes and inhale, deeply, through your nose, my love.


    If I''m gonna be a wife, I''m gonna be a good one, so I followed instructions and holy shit was I glad she had a firm grip on my hands and waist and, well, me. Why the fuck is a roomful of girl sweat turning me on this much. Not like locker rooms did it for me back at Eastside.


    You spent a great deal of time in close quarters with women covered in the clean fresh sweat of honest hard labor then?


    Oh. Yeah. Um. Not so much. So... bath night?


    She spun around to my front, smiling, depositing my hands directly where that propaganda tag belonged. I''d offer you the option of a Revel, but some of the girls are too young, and it would be unfair to any of the ladies to force them to sit with the girls while the rest of us Revel.


    Did... did you just offer me an orgy? I mean, like, suggest an orgy?


    She pouted a little. I wasn''t going to keep it secret. Then she sighed. Apologies, love. It took you so long to overcome the strange prejudices of your youth and just enjoy the just desserts you''ve earned, it frustrates me to think that you cannot just... enjoy them.


    I snickered a little at that, and whispered, "bonobos."


    She gave me all the side-eye and said, "excuse me?"


    I smiled down at her and said, "no, no, no, I don''t mean any bad kinda way. Just... Okay, you know what a chimp is?" I sent her a mental picture of a chimpanzee.


    "A goblin? Yes?"


    "Whoa. Really? Weird. Anyhow, there''s another, smaller, similar species. Bonobos."


    The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.


    She frowned, the expression only half joking, and said, "is that so?"


    I nodded. "Yeah. But where chimps are like, hyper violent little motherfuckers when they''re under stress? Bonobos just fuck everything out. Happy? Let''s fuck. Sad? Have some fuck, it''ll make you feel better. Angry? Have some fuck to take the edge off. It''s like British people and tea."


    "I''m not sure I like you comparing Bag to some kind of lesser goblin."


    I snorted. "Lesser? I said smaller. Obviously superior to the big ones in every way. Superior to Humans, too, now that I think about it. Also, at what point did you think this was a complaint?"


    "I''m still not quite satisfied. After we''re done bathing, there will be consequences for my naughty Goof."


    I fell backwards into the Bed. "Why wait?" Been naughty? It''s a healthy dose of fuck for you! Had to think those last words at her, because my mouth was otherwise occupied.


    Between a hard day''s work, a nice bath, and the thorough extirpation of my naughtiness through the best possible method, I fell asleep the moment my head hit the Marie acting as a pillow.


    Dreamt of my ladies plus Karen feeding me assorted lady shaped treats. Plus beans and rice. Shrimp tasting rice. Weird. Not bad, just weird.


    Woke up early, waited for Marie to breathe like she''d woken up, which she did just as Saffron stirred. "Hey, Marie?"


    "Yes."


    "Do you know how to make fried rice?" She twisted around to give me a pointed curious look, so I explained. "Don''t remember exactly, but you take day old rice, throw it in a wok with butter and garlic and soy sauce, then add scrambled eggs and whatever else you''ve got in terms of veg and meat."


    That got her licking her lips and looking intrigued.


    What with bath time the night before for all the adults and older girls, we limited morning bath time to the little kids who''d stayed at Lancaster House the day before. That got us an early start at the Homestead, and I gotta say with more hands shit was coming together way faster than I thought it would. I mean, one of Saffron or I had to hop over and do the Mineral Bonding once the women had something in place, although Anna said she might be able to learn that shape if we didn''t mind her watching. I sure as fuck didn''t, because even if magic super glue had even more awful prankster possibilities than cyanoacrylate, she didn''t seem the prankster type.


    Around mid-day, Saffron stepped over to where I stood pouring Fire into yet another batch of rocks. "Love, could you check in on Siobhan today?"


    "Everything okay?"


    She rolled her eyes, but smiled. "If I knew that, I wouldn''t be asking you to check in, would I?"


    I laughed at that. "I think I could do this in my sleep, so no problem, but what am I looking for again?"


    "She''s coming home exhausted almost every night. Her work is important, and can be challenging, so it might just be, well, work, but I don''t want her overdoing things when she doesn''t have to."


    I nodded. "Okay, why me?"


    "Because as the Imperator, if I show up all work will stop, even if I ask them not to. You, on the other hand, have a reputation of aggressive informality and pitching in, so the worst that will happen is Siobhan has to show you how to do Heal Injury."


    "Sure thing. Kiss before I go?"


    She smiled, and as our lips met, thought, you''re staying here as well, you realize?


    "Yeah, just wanted an excuse to do this," I said as I pulled Siobhan around and kissed them both at once.


    Like you need an excuse, my Hero.


    I pulled away and met the gazes of half a dozen Cadets who stared at me with expressions ranging from thinly veiled fear to undisguised annoyance. "Oh, hey, sorry guys. Did I interrupt something?"


    "High Priestess Darling was about to show us how to Shape Smite," said the annoyed one.


    Siobhan nodded. "We''ve been testing it on those with minor Soul injuries, like severe Mana Depletion. It''s not a panacea, but it seems to have some benefits. Would you like to demonstrate?"


    You know you''re gonna need to...


    Of course. She grinned at me as she took control, whipping my hands through a pattern that seemed almost intuitive. Light flared as the Cadets stared, and the person on the bed jerked like they''d been goosed, then kinda melted into a relaxed puddle.


    "So, did you need something, Champion Diaz?"


    I put an arm around her waist and said, "Nah. The Imperator worried about you, so she sent me to make sure you weren''t working yourself too hard again."


    That got a frown. "I fail to see how having to entertain you while also doing my job will make it easier."


    I turned her to face me, put my arms around her, and utterly ignored the looks from the Cadets. "Oh, hey, you do not need to entertain me, Siobhan. Tell you what. I''ll just find a place to sit out of the way and watch. If I see something wrong, we''ll talk about it tonight at home. Otherwise? I''m just a fly on the wall."


    She frowned up at me, putting her arms around me in turn, as both of us ignored some whispered comments about cohabitation. "I can''t just ignore you... wait, I''ve got it." She half turned and called out, "Mother Aetos!"


    A genuine little old lady toddled around to look down the hall at us. Like, straight out of an Eastern European period piece or some shit. Dress that obviously started out black ages ago, but now had that kind of charcoal gray faded look to it. White, wispy hair held back by a kerchief. Even a dark gray lace shawl over her shoulders.


    "Could you attend to Tabitha while she''s visiting?"


    The old lady nodded and waved me over. I gave Siobhan a quick kiss then followed her to a little area at the juncture of multiple rows of patient cots. Two dudes with honest to god quill pens sat at little tables copying scrap paper notes into big tomes. Mother Aetos pulled a chair out and shoved it toward me, then pulled one out from the biggest desk in the room and sat down on it. I chuckled. "Looks like you''re in charge here."


    She smirked at me then quietly, so as not to carry further than the two of us, said, "you forgot me."


    I blinked. "How... the fuck?"


    She shrugged, "been around long enough. Seen that look on a lot of people." Her smile got a little crooked. "Not to many of ''em girls, mind. But not none, either. Think my granddaughter gets that from me."


    Holy fuckin'' shit, I had no idea if Saffron got her girl kissing tendencies from her grandmother, but she sure as shit got her no fucks given, boss bitch energy directly from this old lady. "Uh. Yeah. Um... amnesia?"


    She nodded. "Good."


    "Amnesia is good?"


    "Better than dementia at your age."


    I stared, my mouth dropping open, until a laugh forced its way out. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess it is."


    We sat there for a bit, her watching the room, me watching Siobhan, until a pair of Cadets came through the door. One of them just opened the door, saw the other one in, and left, but the one who stayed stepped over to where Grandmother Aetos and I sat and held out her hand. I realized right then why she had her jaw clamped shut as hard as she could, what with all four fingers folded back to press against the back of her hand. Grandma looked up at her, nodded toward the nearest empty bed, then looked at me and said, "unless you want to?"


    I shrugged, leaned over to take the Cadet''s hand, and asked, "you ready for this?" She nodded wordlessly and closed her eyes. "Okay then. On three. One, two," as I said the word ''three'', I pulled her fingers flat and shaped the mana into the spell, pouring it into her hand through my own. She squealed a little at first, but then let out a relieved sigh.


    "Thank you."


    Grandma Aetos nodded to the bed again. "Go sit."


    "But..." the Cadet said, already moving.


    "Sister Siobhan will want to check you out."


    The Cadet stopped complaining and sat. I turned to Grandma Aetos, a little more in awe of her pure raw old biddy energy.


    Before I could say anything she quietly said, "goddess?"


    Matching her tone, I whispered, "yeah?"


    She sighed, then said, "if you''re my Patron, you''re the one who comes along to pick me up when I pass, right?"


    I grinned at her. "Like you''re gonna die any time soon."


    She just shrugged. "Hope not. But I''m older than I look. ''m I right about the thing?"


    Dad? Is she?


    If that''s part of your agreement with her as your follower, then yes.


    Thanks Dad, you''re the best.


    Still made me smile how giddy he sounded when he thought back, I know.


    "Yeah, pretty much."


    She just nodded, but I felt a weird kind of tingle a few moments later. "Kinda weird, having my wife''s Grandma worshipping me."


    "Didn''t say all that, girl."


    I laughed. "Cool."


    So I spent the rest of the afternoon melting rocks at the Homestead and sitting with Grandma, watching Siobhan do her thing in the Infirmary.


    Pretty nice day, overall.

 Day Four Hundred And Seventy-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    "Justification does not,


    Mean freedom from Consequence,


    Just that I won''t Deny you."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Justified Homicide


    Yeah, gotta get that in there. Just because killing somebody is justified doesn''t mean there won''t be consequences, and if the shit somebody does has consequences, that somebody needs to deal with those consequences. Some jackass is hoarding so much wealth that people are literally starving to death? They refuse to stop even when it''s pointed out? Okay, yeah, killing that asshole is justified. But at that point, if he had a wife and kids, and they weren''t party to the whole hoarding thing, because that kind of asshole rarely lets their heir incubator or offspring have any agency they can deny? Whoever did the killing needs to step up and make sure that wife and those kids are taken care of. And by ''taken care of'', I mean fed and housed and cared for, not shot in the back of the head and dumped in a ditch.


    Before I hear ''oh, but the asshole killed lots of wives and kids'', yeah, that asshole did. They didn''t. Not only that, but even odds their wife and kids dying wouldn''t have the same kind of emotional impact on a douchecanoe that greedy; they''d probably just see it as a loss of time and money. So killing them after the douchecanoe is dead is just letting anger do the talking. Trust me, I get the need to make the asshole responsible suffer through everything everybody they killed suffered through. I literally tortured one dumb asshole to death multiple times, reviving him after each one until I boiled him away brain first. But killing another victim just because they shared an address is not the way to make things right.


    Shit, I gotta remember, when I get to Vengeance, to explicitly state that I am okay with Reviving some asshole specifically to kill him a second time in cases like that. Not saying I''m providing the Mana, especially without reviewing the situation first, but I''m not saying I won''t provide the Mana either.


    So yesterday after a day of rock melting and Siobhan watching, we all headed home for baths and dinner. Much to Saffron''s dismay, the first one lined up for a bath was Isnomi.


    "Baff time ad nite!"


    Saffron got an annoyed frown. "Your bath time is in the morning, my girl."


    "Wan baff time wid ewwabody elth!"


    You really sure this is the hill you wanna fight about, Kitten?


    Saffron just shot me a look. So I should give in to her tantrum?


    I shrugged. May I?


    She''s your daughter too.


    Yeah, but we really shouldn''t disagree in front of her about her. May I? Saffron shrugged, glowering at our stubborn faced Menace, who stood there backed up by her siblings of the horde hoard and her posse. "Oi, Menace." She looked up at me, smiling as if she thought I was about to side with her. "Don''t try to out-stubborn Mom. That''s dumb." Her little face fell, and I had to steel myself to stay on course. So I whipped out the big guns. "Why?"


    "Wha?"


    I nodded. "Why. Why do you want to take your bath now?"


    "Cuz I wanna."


    I shook my head. "That''s selfish, and not well thought out, and you know that''s not gonna convince your Mom. Hell, that wouldn''t even convince me." I paused, tilted my head her way, and said, "think."


    She stopped, then mlemmed and sniffed. "Wan baff wiff ewwabody elth."


    "Okay, but why? Is there some good reason for that? Or are you just being stubborn and having a tantrum, like a baby would do?"


    Oh, she did not like that. The cranky swelled, but right at the last moment before she started hollering, the details of what I said percolated through her brain. Which, like Saffron''s, wasn''t slow. "Leth waddah?"


    I looked over at Saffron, who pursed her lips. "Water isn''t precisely rationed... even hot water. Anything else?"


    Our little one mlemmed and sniffed again. "Wawm waddah maketh uth thleepy?"


    "Before dinner?"


    "Yeth! We ged thleepy, we ead dinnah, we go wight to thleep!"


    The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.


    Did you just help our daughter win an argument with me?


    Hey, I just told her to use logic instead of stubborn. It''s a whole teachable moment thing.


    What about when she needs stubborn?


    I couldn''t help myself, I snorted out loud, and both of them turned to look at me. I held my hands up, doing my best innocent look. Like she doesn''t have that in spades already.


    Point. "Okay, my girl. Get in here. But I expect you to wear a nightshirt to dinner, and go right to bed after."


    "Yeth!"


    Probably would have been better if Menace had taken her clothes off before jumping in the tub, but I guess we all make mistakes now and then.


    The kids did drop off fast after a warm bath and warm dinner. All of us with kids small enough to carry wound up carrying at least one upstairs. I wound up with Maze and one of the bigger girls; her mom carried Menace right behind me.


    Dreamt of all four of my ladies feeding me. Probably shouldn''t lump Karen in there, but... spicy dessert.


    Speaking of Karen, she showed up at the Homestead after I''d spent the morning making various sizes of slabs. Mostly still the big monolith ones, but I''d also started making smaller ones, which Saffron told me would be used for steps. Wasn''t sure how that was gonna work, but I figured I''d go watch while the current batch was cooling. Of course, right as I was walking away from that batch, Marie walked up with Karen, who wore her Academy uniform.


    "Champion? There''s a problem."


    "Something dangerous enough you need me?"


    She rocked her head from side to side. "Not specifically? But... it''s not something I can figure out, either."


    Kitten? I think I need my Thinking Brain Human.


    A moment later Saffron stood with us, then took my hand and Karen''s. "Show us."


    Karen stepped us to the bridge of a big sailing ship. It wasn''t too big for the river we were on, but I would not envy the skipper trying to turn it around without some kind of tugboat or oars or something. "There."


    I turned to look and saw a single flag flying atop a single tower, anything else near it obscured by trees along the shoreline. "What am I looking at?"


    "That would be Rich Man''s Port."


    "One tower?"


    She shrugged. "It''s the first visible tower, the sign that the port is just beyond the next big bend in the river."


    I nodded. "Okay. So what''s the problem?"


    "Look at the river, love." Saffron''s quiet statement seemed to startle Karen, who nodded.


    When I looked at the river, I didn''t quite get what I was looking at until I realized that the river... wasn''t moving. Like, not ''not flowing'', but the water itself, up to and even especially the small waves being split by the bow, were frozen in place. "Is that ice?"


    Saffron shook her head. "No. Something... I''m not sure what, but that is not Fae magic."


    "How do you know?"


    "Cold Iron embedded in the prow and front of the keel. Specifically for things like this."


    "So... not Mortal magic either?" She shook her head. "Shit."


    "Indeed."


    I nodded. "Hang onto something." I followed my own advice and took a firm grip of a railing, just in case there was some kinda backlash. I reached in to that place where I''d felt my ladies without any part of my normal human shaped body touching them, where I''d lifted those monolith sized stone slabs, and kinda sifted through looking for... big. I don''t know how some of them felt bigger, but they did. I reached for the whatever in front of me, felt myself stretching, as if this might be a little out of reach...


    I almost landed on my ass as an oddly familiar sensation flooded my brain. I froze that big assed tentacle as it started materializing, then very carefully slipped it back to wherever it had come from. "Hoo. Whoa." I gripped at the rail, oddly unsurprised as it crumpled under my grip.


    "Love?"


    "Marie. Help?" I held out a hand, carefully still. Marie''s hand wrapped around my bicep, and I said, "carry?" She lifted me into a princess carry, and when I rolled my face around to look at her, I stared into fangs and fur and... "Beautiful."


    "Are you all right, love? You sound... intoxicated."


    "Mmm... High as fuck. High as balls. Dunno why. Hoo. Think I''m seein'' shit right now. Maybe seeing not with the curse hallucinating? Oh, shit, grammar''s fucked."


    "Just a bit, love. Karen, assist me, please?"


    I''m not sure what they did, but for the next... while, they stood there waving their hands. Shaping stuff, maybe? I might have seen Mana flickering and flowing between them and the aurora borealis hovering between us and the tower, across the tower, the bowsprit of the ship just touching it. I just rooched my butt back into Marie''s arms, enjoying the feel of her fur against my skin. "Marie?"


    "Yes?"


    "Wanna be nekkid."


    "No."


    "Pleeease?" She just shook her head. "Ooh! Ooh! What about the dress?" She rolled her eyes, and a moment later I lay in her arms, my butt pressed against her dress. "You too!" She frowned, I turned on the puppy dog eyes, and she shook her head, but a moment later I got to rub my butt against fuzzy Marie belly. "Y''look hawt."


    She just smiled and maybe snugged me a little closer.


    As the sun lowered in the sky, Saffron stepped over to lay a hand on my arm. "Highest Priestess Smith?"


    "Yes, Imperator?"


    "Your Goddess requires you to stay on station here until we return. Tell us immediately if the situation changes. In addition, you are not to sleep until specifically ordered to, and maintain yourself Co-Located within either the Academy or the Temple."


    "Yes, Imperator." She nodded and dropped into parade rest. I felt a little fuzzy, and saw something rocket away from her, gone in the blink of an eye.


    Saffron stepped, and we were in the office. She knocked on the door in the armoire, and I tried to burrow into Marie as The Smith called out from behind the door. "Yes?"


    "Good Evening, Son. I could use your advice, if you''ve time?"


    The door slid aside, and The Conrad Smith nodded. No, not The Conrad Smith. Weyland. No. Smith the Conrad? Scary little dude. Nodded, then looked at Marie and I, a terrifyingly eager smile painting his face. "Of course, but might I suggest your Concubine set Mother down? Ten."


    "Why?"


    His smile got wider. "It''s almost sunset. Seven."


    "That matters why?"


    "High Holy Day. Three."


    "MARIE! DROP HER! NOW!"


    I blacked out before I hit the ground.

 Day Four, Eight, Oh!

    Dear Diary,


    "Run and jump and play and pounce!


    Hunt and kill and rip and tear!


    Nom it all when you are done!"


    Momma''s Book of Killing Things


    Shh! Momma''s asleep again, because There is Here! I have important things to do, because Mom is too Mortal, Marie is too Small, and Momma is too Forget.


    Marie looks down at Momma, who lays on the air, splayed out where Marie dropped her.


    "Well. That''s not what I expected," says Mom. She looks at Marie. "Please... make her comfortable?"


    Marie shrugs and nods, stepping to the basement to collect a thick blanket and a big armload of pillows. She comes back, arranges them in a pile beneath Momma, then drapes the blanket over them to hold them in place.


    Marie knows how to do so many things! She''s taught me some. Lots! But she still hasn''t taught me how Momma pounces and packs, because Momma asked her not to. Momma told me Why, and I trust Momma, but I want to know so much. I hope she shows me how soon, so I can play with her the way we played with Grandmama. Well, not like that. That was fun, but I want to Hunt with Momma. Momma told me I am too Young, too Little, and that if I Hunt too soon, I might get hurt so I cannot grow, and Momma is a good Momma who wants me to grow big and strong.


    So most days I play with my pack, watching over them like Marie and sometimes Momma watch over us. But today I have Important Things To Do.


    I wait until Marie and Karen and Siobhan come back home to see Mom''s pack through our evening bath time. Mom is sitting with Momma, watching over her with a Marie, while Karen and Siobhan pretend to be Momma and Mom for Mom''s pack. When we''re all done and everybody smells of themselves rather than being tired, we lie down and cuddle up in a big pile. I wait until everyone smells asleep.


    Marie.


    Menace?


    Take me to Karen''s boat.


    No.


    Priestess?


    Goddess.


    Take me to Karen''s boat.


    Marie sighs, wraps a claw around me, and we''re on the boat down where the There People live. Karen is there, but I hide our me and she does not see us. Their scent drifts on the wind along with the horns of their hunting parties. Tonight is a night they hunt, and I want to play, but Momma needs Karen to make the There People stop making her Forget. Can''t go hunt. Mustn''t go hunt. Ignore the horn, ignore the scent, ignore the chase.


    Marie pulls me back, her claw wrapped around me. I sniff at the thing that stopped me. It stinks of... something. Not pack. Not family. But like family. I do not like it. I sniff There until I find Keel and Hor. Keel cannot see, but Hor smells the thing. It smells of family. Of Momma. But not. Not spawn of Grandmama, or spawn of her spawn. But not not.


    I do not like this smell.


    Marie?


    Menace.


    Take me to Diana.


    She hoists me around to stare into my eyes. I fold my arms across my chest, because I am sure and that is what sure people do. Marie sighs, and we stand in D''s weird little den. D sits on a bench, his head on his arms on a table, snoring. D is very silly, but he made Marie and her sisters. He made them out of silly, but they''re not silly. Well, not always. Marie can be completely un-silly. Maybe he''s not as silly as he seems?


    Scamp...


    Marie is warning me, I don''t know why. Probably her silly leaking out. I turn to Diana, who has gone to one knee facing Marie and I. "Menace."


    "Hoah."


    Diana flinches. "I... probably deserve that."


    Maybe silly runs in their family. But if Mom realizes I''m gone, she''ll be sad, and I have Important things to do, so I ignore Diana''s silliness. I hold out my hands, and Diana reaches for me. I bat her hands away, then wave her forward. She finally stops being silly and scooches forward until I can reach her face. I pull her to me, mark her as Mine.


    Diana.


    Her mouth drops open, like she expected something else. I share what Hor smelled. Who?


    She kneels there, frozen, like Siobhan when Momma and Mom and Marie get extra silly. I think about what Momma would do, but that would be too much. I think about what Mom would do, but that would be too hard. I think about what Marie would do. I reach out and poke Diana in the forehead with one finger. She blinks, stumbles a little before catching her balance. Hor is clumsy, so she-Hor is too, maybe?


    "Goddess. A moment, please." She looks in, looks away, lost in herself, lost in the past, lost in things far away in when and where. Eventually she frowns, blinking as she looks here and now. "Where did you scent the Dan Goddess of Death?"


    "Where the There People live." She stares at me cluelesser than Momma. "Karen''s boat?" Diana still doesn''t understand. I send her what Karen''s boat looks like, but she shakes her head.


    "I don''t..."


    "Rich. Man''s. Port." Marie growls out. Diana nods, finally understanding after Marie spouts grown up nonsense words at her. Karen''s boat isn''t in a port, Karen isn''t a man right now, and nobody there is rich, except maybe the There People if their hunt goes well.


    "Take me." Diana reaches for me again, and I grab her fingers. "No. Her."


    "No." Marie is stubborn.


    "Why?"


    Marie sighs. War.


    Diana nods, understanding suddenly. "Forgive us, Menace, but though I would strike The Morrigan down for displeasing you, she is not without allies. Many, many allies. Your mother has declared this a time for sowing, not a time for reaping." I tilt my head at her nonsense, and she says, "A time to rest, not a time to hunt."


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    "Impowdand."


    Diana shakes her head. "No. Forgive me, strike me if you must, but should I take you there and start a war, your mother would wax wroth, and upon awakening our Matriarch would end me. With good cause."


    I frown. Mom doesn''t want War. Mom is smart. But The Morrigan is stopping Karen from making the There People stop making Momma Forget. I am... I sniff at Momma''s blood. I am stumped. I think more. Mom is too Mortal, Marie is too Small, but Momma is only too Forget. I sniff harder at Momma''s blood. Deeper. I let the smell envelop me. I look outside, see Big Momma.


    I point out the door. "Out."


    Diana smells like Stinky Brother, but Marie leads her outside into Big Momma. People wander the street, some smelling of Stinky Brother, some being silly, all of them noisy. I Look Seriously at Marie and say, "quiet."


    Marie roars. People stop being noisy. Most of them stop being silly. I sniff at Big Momma and Momma''s blood. I think. Then I know!


    "Dithkaitheth!"


    Marie and Diana stare at me like I''m Momma. I am so clever! I send Marie and Diana what our disguises will look like. "No."


    Priestess.


    This. She sends me back what my disguise will look like. She thinks its different because she''s silly, but that''s just what D made her out of. And permission. Marie is stubborn and silly, but she is not as clever as she thinks.


    "Wait, what..."


    I interrupt Diana, because she is being silly, and I am tired of silliness. "No." I look at Marie. "Grandpa."


    She sighs, and we stand in Grandpa and Siggy''s cave. He looks up from his book and smiles. "Menace! To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit?"


    "Skyzes!"


    He blinks as Sigyn walks over to us, hands out. I let her hug, but I have Important Things to do, and Siggy knows how to distract me. Meanwhile Grandpa blinks, then looks back and forth between Marie and Diana. "Huntress?"


    Diana nods to Grandpa. "Sky Walker. Your granddaughter seeks to confront The Morrigan."


    Grandpa stands, angry. "No!"


    "Th''otay, Gampa! I god idea! Dithkaitheth! Thee nod no id uth!"


    Grandpa opens his mouth, but Siggy says, "husband?"


    Grandpa looks down, then crumples back to sit on his bed. "Truly?" Siggy nods, and Grandpa sighs, turning to us. "What did you need of me?"


    "Permission to disguise ourselves as your Clergy."


    Grandpa blinks. "Why... how... Menace?"


    "I ged dith idea fwom Mama!"


    He chuckles. "Of course you did." He shakes his head, waves his hand, and now I have a red silk dress just my size! Marie and Diana have them too! And best of all Grandpa gave us little masks that cover our faces! Well, our eyes. They will never know who we are now!


    Siggy leans in and whispers, "I think you might need a better... no, more of a disguise than that? There aren''t too many Primordials as cute as you out and about."


    I sniff Momma''s blood, but so far from her I cannot smell it. I think. Maybe... not cute? I sniff There for the least cute thing I can find. I find Loff, and wrap her me around my me, then smile at everyone.


    Siggy freezes. Diana whimpers. Marie just shakes her head and mutters, "scamp."


    Grandpa shakes his head, blowing out air before he says, "that''ll do, I think."


    I turn to Diana. Now


    Diana nods to Grandpa and Siggy, then rises into the air. We rise through the rock, and that feels funny, but then we''re in the sky, flying without wings or a glider or anything. I laugh at the wind as we go up, and up, and up, then down, and down, and down. We come down in a forest, ahead of a column of lights slipping through it.


    We land. Prey slips past us, but I have Important things to do. A There Person charges at us atop a There... thing. It smells like Mau, but it isn''t Mau. It isn''t Prey. It isn''t right. It doesn''t slow.


    It''s crunchy.


    I do not have time to eat every There Person and There Thing in the forest tonight. "MOWWIGAN!"


    The lights in the forest turn toward us. A line of There People riding There Things spread out in front of us. A woman, not a There Person, but a Goddess, rides a There Thing to the center of the line, facing me. "Who are you, who dares call my name, little girl?"


    I can''t tell her my name, or Mom will be mad! I think fast. I can''t be Isnomi. I can''t be Menace. I think fast, and say, "caw me thcamp."


    The Morrigan frowns, then turns to the There Person beside her. "Bring me her head."


    The There Person kicks his There Thing, but the There Thing is smarter than him. It doesn''t move. He kicks it again, and it rears back, dumping him on his butt. I laugh. Diana and Marie both snicker, quietly, trying not to let anyone hear. The There Person gets mad and runs at me.


    He''s crunchy too, but only the outside. His outside tastes bad, and I''m mad. I spit his outside at The Morrigan''s there thing. I can''t spit very well, because Loff''s me doesn''t have the right lips for it. Sparky shards spray across the ground between The Morrigan and us. The Morrigan looks mad now. "DIE!"


    The Morrigan''s me flies at us. It hits my me and bonks off. That stung, and now I''m mad too, but I am smart like Mom and Momma and Loff''s me and I wait, glaring at her. The Morrigan''s Me hits Diana and she winces, letting go of me and staggering to the side. She bleeds moonlight, but does not fall down. The Morrigan''s Me hits Marie, and she falls, fading.


    Marie?


    Ow.


    Wait.


    "No." she growls, almost silently, from behind me.


    Stay behind me.


    Duh.


    The Morrigan is mad. She kicks her There Thing, but it will not move. She flexes her me, and the There Thing dies, falling to pieces to lower her gently to the ground. She walks toward us, fingernails flashing, screaming at us. At me. I stand my ground until she reaches for me. I pull the me she sees back one step, two. She lays hands on the me she sees.


    And I close Loff''s jaws around her. With all my teeth.


    "What?" She sounds confused as the me she grabbed just dangles there in her hand. I pull that me out of my mouth, dragging her into some teeth. She shrieks, and she calls on Cor''s me.


    I take Cor''s me away from her.


    "What?" she screams. I squeeze my mouth a little more shut, and she whispers, "what have you done, child?" She gets mad and shouts again. "I am the Raven Queen!"


    It''s hard to talk with my mouth full. I''m not supposed to. But I have to, because this is Important. "An I am hew Goddeth."


    "I fear no Goddess! I am The Morrigan! The Raven Queen! I am Death!"


    Diana''s quiet words still carry to the inside of my mouth. "And you are trapped in her maw until you submit to her will, or she loses patience and eats you."


    "I am a Goddess! A Goddess of Death! I cannot be killed!"


    I think. I think fast, like Momma would. I think good, like Mom would. I sniff There for... uncle''s me. I add uncle''s fangs to my teeth. I poke her with them. Just a little. "Thuw aboud dad?"


    She sniffs the air, and even with her tiny useless nose she can smell the venom from uncle''s fangs. "What are you?"


    Diana''s voice leaks in again. "That is for you to choose. Submit, and she is your superior. Do not, and she is your end."


    I close my mouth just a little more. I sniff for uncle''s me, and borrow uncle''s guts, because The Morrigan already tastes nasty. Uncle''s guts rumble. "What must I do?" she whispers.


    "The barrier around Rich Man''s Port offends her."


    The Morrigan flares her me, touching some part of it far away. "It is gone!"


    "If it returns... she has your scent."


    "It will not."


    "Nor any other barrier like it. You will leave Rich Man''s Port to its fate."


    The Morrigan stiffens. I squeeze. She whimpers. "I shall."


    I think you can let her go now.


    I spit her out, and she lands on her butt, scrabbling away from us. I look around at the There People. She spins to face them. "You saw nothing!"


    One of them opens his mouth. She flexes her me, and he falls from his There Thing. Dead. The rest turn away, closing their eyes. The Morrigan goes to the dead There Person''s There Thing, climbs on, and rides away. Like Prey.


    I turn to Diana. You may go.


    I would see you safely home.


    I reach back and touch Marie. Take me to Mom.


    A moment later I stand next to Mom, who leans against Momma, singing. Mom screams, scrambling backward, whipping her me into bright bars of light.


    I cast off Loff''s me, then sniff at Momma''s blood as Mom goes from afraid to angry. "Twik owa twead!"


    Mom puts her me away, frowns at Momma. "Is this something your Mama told you about?"


    "Yeth!" I don''t lie. She didn''t mean to, but she did, so it''s not a lie. "Now you gib uth tweadth owa we twik you!"


    Mom shakes her head, holds out her arms, and I leap into them. "I think you showing up looking like that... thing is trick enough to count. Wait, where did you get this dress?"


    "Gwampa makeded id!"


    Mom shakes her head. "Well. At least it fits you, and covers everything." She turns to Marie. "Marie, blankets for the three of us, please?"


    Another Marie shows up, and soon we''re all snuggled around Momma. Momma''s warm.


    We purr. We sleep.

 Day Four Hundred And Eighty-One

    Dear Diary,


    "If you''re gonna kill someone,


    Don''t be a dick about it,


    Just make ''em dead already."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Justified Homicide


    Hoo. Definitely still feeling the effects of whatever the fuck I got into down near... uh... Rich Man''s Port! Right! Down on the boat with Karen. Future Me is prolly gonna have to go back and take a look at this shit real close. Also, no idea who wrote yesterday''s. Like, that''s some wacky shit that sounds like a kitten wrote it, but not my Kitten, if you take my drift. ''Run and play'' does not sound like the Saffron I know. Nor does ''nom it all''. I mean, don''t get me wrong, that woman has some serious oration skills, if you catch my drift, but I really don''t think she''s the sort who would eat someone she killed. Or someone someone else killed.


    I guess she''d eat something she killed? Like an animal or something, although there''s some really fucked up blurry lines going on at the moment. Like, yes, according to Raven''s sketch and what I saw when I got a brainful of whatever fucked up street drugs the Fae have that are strong enough to make Mimic''s tentacles go all wonky and high, Marie is a tiger. Tigress. Tiger-woman, I guess, because tigers neither stand upright and walk around the way she do, nor do they have tits. I mean, teats, sure, but not tits. And while Marie''s aren''t really competition for Saffron''s, they''re also not, like, small. Either ''small for her size'' or ''small in general''. They''re a solid handful. Smaller than mine, but mine are kinda big. Wacky big for somebody with as little body fat as I seem to have everywhere else. Which I''m only just realizing now, because whatever this Fae shit is, it is both strong as fuck, lasts a while, and interferes with the ''not seeing things as they are'' part of my curse.


    Shit, if I remembered everything while high off my gourd on this shit, I would seriously consider asking Saffron and Karen to slow roll the negotiations, because then I''d be, like, me, but with all of future me''s cool superpowers and memories and ability to see my lovely ladies as they are. But at that point would I be Me or Future Me? Is there a fuckin'' difference? Is Saffron right, and I''m just Me, but with, like, a disability or injury or some shit like that? I mean, I trust her, I totally do, but I still have this fear. Existential dread. Like, the real, pure stuff, I''m afraid that my existence is going to end the moment the curse goes away. I am not copacetic about that, even now, while I am, as noted earlier, high as balls.


    So the last thing I remember was falling toward the floor after Marie dropped me. Which wasn''t so much scary or upsetting as confusing. Because, as noted, high as balls. Which along with the side effect of repeating things and thinking they''re funny every fuckin'' time, tends to totally fuck with my ability to correctly identify things as ''scary'' or not. Mostly not. Like, with the amount of head spinning I''ve got going on when I try to move, I''m pretty sure if Marie started eating my toes one at a time I''d be like, ''why one at a time'' rather than ''oh god, oh god, she''s eating my toes''.


    I would hope you''d stop her.


    Like this? Not sure I could. Depends on whether she felt hungry, horny, or mad, I think.


    So... which of those would cause you to stop her?


    Uh... Mad I''d try to figure out why she was mad. Horny I''d try to get her to pause when she got to the upper thighs. Hungry... Y''know, I''ve never seen her eat all that much. Maybe feed her a tentacle or two?


    Daughter, I think you need to stop, as you once said, ''smoking the crack rock''.


    Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Thanks, Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    So despite my apparent copacetic feelings toward the tigers eating people''s faces party when I''m this high, I was still confused when I faceplanted into a pile of pillows covered by a blanket. It didn''t hurt, and there were enough stacked up pillows that it was more of a ''oof'' than an ''ouch''. Then something Menace sized and shaped whomped into the small of my back followed a pair of warm sweater puppies plonking onto my upper back and the back of my head. I think they kept Saffron''s chin from actually hitting my shoulder, but she definitely got an oof out of the deal too.


    Marie, fortunately, neither nommed my toes nor landed on me. Instead she just slipped an arm around all of us, gave us a squeeze, and lifted Saffron away.


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    "Mama! Ma! Mama''s awaked ub!"


    "Menace?"


    "Yeth, Mama?"


    "Hang on." Little fingers clung to the silk around my waist, and I pushed myself onto hands and knees. Okay, I tried to, and after slipping and sliding as pillows slipped out from under both my hands and my knees, managed to get myself upright and stable, for a value of upright and stable defined by crawling around the room on my hands and knees with a whole lot of wobble and stagger. "Menace?"


    "Yeth, Mama?"


    "Where''d you come from?"


    Isnomi giggled, then stage whispered. "Ma!"


    I snorted. "Yeah, okay, that''s not wrong, but I meant that ten seconds ago it was just me, your Mom, Conrad, and Marie in the room, and now you''re here and," I looked blearily around the room, but Conrad was nowhere in sight. Also, Saffron had the completely groggy look I associated with her just waking up. "Conrad is nowhere to be seen. Wait, you''re not Conrad, are you?"


    Menace giggled. "Mama siwwy. I ith Ithnomi, not Conwad."


    "Oh, good." I stumbled toward her toddler bed, then leaned my side against it. "Okay, off, Menace."


    "Aww..." she whined, but she rolled off onto her bed. I flopped over on my side, glad of the padded floor, and scooched myself around until I could see everyone else in the room.


    Saffron had gotten her bearings and said, "back with us, love?"


    "Uh... Did I go somewhere?"


    "You don''t even remember, do you?" She held up a hand, stopping my response. "Never mind. Of course not. This happened once before. Exactly one year ago, in fact." She sighed. "Which makes me think we ought prepare for this happening next year around this time. Both in the sense of making you comfortable and in the sense of making sure none of our enemies know of your... incapacitation."


    "Uh... take your time, but... the fuck?"


    She sighed, chuckled, then slipped off Marie''s lap to crawl over to me. I lost track of anything resembling coherent thought at the sight of swaying Saffron sweater puppies approaching. I twisted myself around so my head pointed toward her, then bent my neck back to get the best possible view. Of course, by that point I wound up staring right into her face. I pushed myself toward her, because there definitely wasn''t enough room to fit my head between the floor and those magnificent mammaries of hers. "Tabitha!" she hissed out, scandalized. "Isnomi is watching!"


    "Uh?"


    "Mama siwwy," cackled Isnomi.


    "If I didn''t know any better, I''d say you were drunk. Wait, are you drunk?"


    "Nah." I shook my head, disappointed when no part of my head came in contact with my current favorite Saffron bits. "High. High as fuckin'' balls."


    "I can tell." She smirked at me.


    "Huh?"


    She rolled her eyes. "Something about you fondling me while not seeming like you realize you''re doing it."


    "Oh, shit! Sorry. I, uh, thought that was Marie?" I yawned hugely, only to have her bat my hands away and sit up.


    She shook her head, laughing. "Tabitha, you are not getting your mouth anywhere below my neck with Isnomi awake and watching."


    I looked around, blinking. Sure as shit, Isnomi was sitting there doing an amused vulture impression. "Mama siwwy. Whas ''hi''?"


    Saffron shook her head. "Your Mama is intoxicated. Like drunk, but different." She paused, then took careful hold of my wrists. "Marie, could you put Isnomi to bed?"


    "Nod tie-uhd."


    Saffron sighed, pushing my hands back down to my head. "Could you keep our little Menace occupied while I do the same with our intoxicated Goddess?"


    I snickered. "Intoxigoddess!"


    Marie frowned, whined just a little. "Fine. You keep Isnomi occupied while we do the same with our intoxicated Goddess."


    Marie smiled, Saffron let go of one of my hands to reach back and lay her hand on Marie, and the three of us fell back into the Bed. For the briefest moment, I looked up into the mirror to see Marie and I bracketing Saffron in all her curvy glory. Then she got her hands behind our necks and pulled us face first into her.


    I don''t really remember anything after that. Okay, soft. Warm. Fuzzy. Teeth?


    Dreamt of Saffron and Marie and Karen and Siobhan feeding me, like grapes dangled into my maw, only not grapes. Unbeknownst to them, I also found some tasty, tasty weeds while they weren''t looking. Totally edible. Nom.


    Woke up to Marie wrapped around Saffron and I like a blanket. Not WNBA blonde Marie. But sketch Marie. Tiger lady Marie. Run both hands through her fur, reveling in the soft, smooth, fuzzy texture Marie. Slip my hand into her mouth and press my fingertips, my palm against her fangs, caressing them Marie. "You''re so beautiful."


    I couldn''t say anything after that. Mouth full of tiger tongue. Taste of the sea. Taste of blood. Claws running down my side. I lost track of time as the Bed spun beneath me.


    After a while, I had no idea how long, Karen showed up. "Maenad Marie, do you know... Oh! Goddess!"


    I rolled over onto my belly, propping myself up so I could see her. "Hey! Karen!" I blinked at her Academy Uniform. Not what I wanted to see at the moment. I blinked again and she stood there in her stripperific wedding dress. Leering, I asked, "s''up?"


    "I''ve established contact with the Port Authorities in Rich Man''s Port. I''ve sent a message to the Overlord requesting a meeting."


    "Sweet! Lemme know when you get an answer?"


    She looked a little embarrassed. "I... we... already have."


    I got a little annoyed, that somebody would be making my Priestess embarrassed. "So what''d they say?"


    "That the Mistress of House Crow will schedule our meeting once the Fae Fields in Underhill are no longer being pillaged."


    Oops.

 Day Four Hundred And Eighty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    "If you need to kill someone,


    Be prepared to Revive them,


    ''Cause all of us make mistakes."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Justified Homicide


    Yeah, maybe that will slow down the murder happy hoboes among my following. Sure as shit there will be people who are all ''you are a Bad Man and should die'' only to have someone realize later that the Bad Man was, in fact, just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Seriously, back in the world of Eastside the entire US Department of Justice wound up fucking up one time in twenty five, so sure as shit some rando with a grudge is gonna wind up screwing up way more than that.


    That means I''ve got to be even more specific and restrictive about Vengeance, I guess. People tend to hesitate on killing folks when it comes to abstract stuff like being an exploitative asshole, or even hurting other people, but anyone whose kid has gotten hurt has had the impulse to put a shiv through the fucker who hurt them. Multiple times. Through their skull. Why do I get the impression that this is not a abstract hypothetical situation I''m talking about any more?


    So yeah, I need to make sure that anybody following me is both willing to put in the work to make sure they''ve got the gun pointed at the right forehead, willing to pull the trigger if in fact the fucker in question is involved in the ongoing arrogation of agency, and willing to pay the price for pulling that trigger. Not to mention figuring out a way to un-pull the trigger if it turns out their due diligence was in fact not diligent enough.


    So yesterday after Karen dropped that accidental bombshell on my face, I looked at her and said, "uh, yeah, we can do that. Might... uh, might take a little bit? But send her a note to pencil us in."


    "As you wish, Goddess."


    I smiled up at her from where I propped my chin on my hands, my elbows sinking into the mattress. "Love you too, Karen!" Then I Translocated over to the endless field of tentacles. The sun heading toward the Rockies showed me which way west was, and I just let the tentacles kinda shift me south. I''m pretty sure I should have looked like a dog with my head out the car window, but all I got was a pleasant breeze that blew my big old mane of hair behind me. As the sun set I stared down a long slope of writhing tentacles toward a distant, faintly glowing field. With long tentacles stretching out to snatch up armloads of whatever grain it was and pull them back toward the waiting mass.


    You guys gotta see this.


    As I started trying to sort out which parts of me were bogarting all the Fae Field crops, which definitely wound up with me being glad I was lying on my belly, because if I hadn''t been I would definitely have wound up tumbling down the long tentacle hillside, my High Clergy showed up arrayed around my ever higher ass.


    "Pardon, Goddess, but are those the fields of which she spoke?"


    "Kekekeke... that''s what she said."


    "Love, are you well?"


    I wasn''t stupid enough to try to stand up. Instead I had some tentacles lift me and spin me around to face her. But she kept orbiting me like my own little sun. "Just peachy. Gotta figure out which tentacles are bein'' bad and stealing the corpse. The copse. The cops. The prose?"


    "Crops." Murder Mittens for the win! I flopped myself across her and hung on tight. Okay, I flopped my arms over her shoulders and had my tentacles kinda press me against her front. So fuzzy!


    "Yeah. Crops."


    "Perhaps we should help her... her... hur hur hur..." Siobhan stumbled towards us, only to have my Murder Mittens snag her up, then stand there purring with us rubbing our face in her fur."


    "Perhaps not then. Tabitha?"


    "Yarp?"


    Saffron sighed. "I didn''t want to test this, but... Dog!" I whined. No idea why, but I whined. "SIT!" I tried to drop to my ass, but I was already kinda sitting on Marie''s arm. To the west, all the way to the edge of the fields, tentacles slammed into the ground. "HEEL!" I wrenched myself out of Marie''s arms and stagger flopped my way to collapse clutching at Saffron''s calves. "Good Girl." Saffron''s calves were not nearly as fuzzy as Marie''s everything, but they were very squish. Well, there was a lot of muscle under the squish, but there was very squish over the muscle. Tentacles writhed around her calves and knees and thighs. So did my face, but my face had way less writhe capacity.


    This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    Karen half whispered, "Imperator?"


    "Yes, Karen. And only that."


    "Then... how?"


    Saffron sighed, settling down on a throne of tentacles, pulling my head up into her lap, stroking at my hair. "Because while Tabitha is, in fact, Mimic Reborn? She is also my wife, and more importantly in this instance, the Imperator''s Attack Dog."


    "But... you... she..."


    I felt the laughter Saffron carefully kept from her voice. "She submits herself willingly to me. As I do to her. She is my Goddess. I am her Priestess. I am her Imperator, she is my Attack Dog. We are partners. Equals, in every way that matters."


    "But... but that''s not..." Karen turned to Marie and Siobhan. "So the two of you...?"


    Siobhan giggled, blushing hard and flopping over to dangle upside down from Marie''s arms. "We are but our Mistresses'' beloved Concubines."


    Wasn''t having that. Scooped them all up, pulled them to us. Piled them on top of us. "Equals. Friends. Lovers. Partners. Allies. Loves. Equals."


    Karen just knelt there, mouth working until Saffron''s arm slipped around her shoulders. "Did you forget your Goddess'' second Value, Karen?"


    "Egalitarianism? Of course not, but... But... Not..." She stuttered to a stop. "Even her." She whispered.


    I stuck my tongue just a little bit out of my mouth, trying to think of the word I wanted, only to have Siobhan see that and pounce on it. While she occupied my lips I thought, Duh. Of course me.


    "But... why?"


    Braining wasn''t really my strong suit at the moment. Too much wacky weed. Wasn''t exactly marijuana. Tasted wrong. Not not marijuana either. Definitely some THC variants in me right now, in concentrations high enough to intoxicate the Great Dark Tentacle Beast her own self. ''Cause I said so?


    "So... what happens when you no longer say so?"


    That shocked me sober for a split second. I pulled away from Siobhan, letting her gum suggestively at my fingers while I said, "then I''m counting on you guys to find a way to inject some sense back into my ass. Or my head. Wherever my brain seems to be located at the time."


    Saffron nudged me, and when I looked up at her, said, "she wasn''t there, love."


    "Uh, when?"


    My adorable squishy wife chuckled, and without thinking about it I kinda started guiding Siobhan''s mouth around so no part of me got too much or too little gnawing. "When you gave us, your High Clergy, your prime Commandment, love."


    "Whassat? I forget."


    "I''m well aware. But what you told us, commanded us even? ''Do as you will''."


    I blinked. "Oh. Yeah." I turned to Karen, made sure I was looking at her eyes and not anywhere else, despite the dress, and said, "Thas a commandment. From me, Goddess, to you, Priestest High."


    "Uh... what is?"


    "Duh. Do as you will. Now, forever. Hope you still do what I tell you, but yeah. Do as you will."


    At that point Marie and Siobhan got into the spirit of doing as they will, and that got me way too distracted to be an active participant in the discussion. Siobhan''s ticklish, Marie''s awesome, and I''m five nines of tentacles.


    Karen looked at Saffron and said, "and if what I will is not in agreement with your decisions?"


    "Then we might have some heated discussions. But so long as I remained convinced that your goals are, in fact, not inimical to ours? They will remain discussions. Do as you will. But know that I have been planning and preparing for nigh on a year, and you have not."


    "So you are better than me because of that?"


    Saffron chuckled, and took control of half a dozen thigh thick tentacles. Didn''t need them right at the moment, and wouldn''t stop her anyway. "Oh, no, Karen." She lifted my Priestess who needed to get as High as Siobhan and I or she might suffer terminal constipation up so that their faces hovered inches from one another. "Not better. Just more experienced, as odd as that may sound to someone a few years my senior. And I think we both know that we can get more done working in coordinated concert than we could working separately, occasionally at cross purposes, no?"


    Karen folded her arms across her chest, pouting. "You''re right. But you didn''t have to manhandle me." Saffron set her back on her feet, and she flopped backwards onto a little tentacle camp stool, because I''m just cool like that. Nothing to do with being able to feel her sitting on it, I promise. I lie a lot, too. "Why is it that I can''t find one guy who can manhandle half as well as you three. No offense, Siobhan."


    None taken.


    "Perhaps when we''re done in Rich Man''s Port I''ll introduce you to my former Volunteer Unit''s front rank. Well, three of the four, anyhow."


    "Why not the fourth?"


    "I didn''t think you''d be interested in her?"


    "Fair point."


    Saffron sighed. "For the moment, though, I think at least Tabitha and I will be out of action until the intoxicant from the Fae Fields passes through her system. Could you please return to your duties as Ambassador, Senior Cadet Smith?"


    Karen nodded, and her dress went away, replaced by her Academy Uniform. "As you will, Imperator." Before I could correct her wardrobe malfunction, she was gone.


    So I put the other three in the stripperific wedding dress.


    No idea why that made my Murder Mittens mewl and blush so much.

 Day Four Hundred And Eighty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    "To explain to you I''ve tried,


    When Agency is denied,


    Homicide is Justified."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Justified Homicide


    Hah! Made one of them rhyme! Yeah, in case it''s not abundantly clear, that Fae shit is still not out of my system. Really glad there''s gonna be like, an editorial review of this thing before it goes to the presses. I mean, I really hope there is. I think I remember Saffron saying something about that. Or me saying something about that. Or Future Me? Except I wouldn''t remember anything she said. Then again, I could be hallucinating. This Fae Field shit is the good shit.


    I mean, I think it''s not as bad as it was yesterday? Like, when I tried to pull those tentacles back, I wound up feeling like I''d taken All The Mollies. Which is weird, because right now it''s not so much Ecstasy as it is just some really, really potent weed.


    Wait, one of the sections I''m supposed to be writing is literally called Ecstasy. I''m pretty sure Future Me isn''t the Goddess of Mollies. Or any other kinds of drugs. Seriously, I was a lot of things back in the day, but I wasn''t a druggie. I mean, yeah, I smoked weed, but everybody does that. Everybody I knew did that. I drank when I could get my hands on something potable, but that wasn''t all that frequent. Oh, I did edibles. Shit, I made edibles. Took ''em in to school once, gave ''em out to everybody even the teachers. Who doesn''t like brownies?


    Oh, shit. Oh, God. I might actually be the Goddess of Drugs.


    Daughter, you are not, in fact, a Goddess of Drugs. Sex, violence, and debauchery of various flavors, but not drugs specifically.


    Oh, fuck. Thanks, Dad. You''re...


    That would be one of your earliest allies. Dionysus, God of Revels, Intoxication, and Divine Madness.


    Oh... shit.


    If it makes you feel any better, why did you partake of intoxicants in your past life?


    Oh, that''s easy. Life was shit. Fancy word is self-medication for depression, PTSD, ADHD, and a shit ton of trauma.


    And the people in this world...


    Oh. Yeah. I guess I see your point. Thanks, Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    So yesterday Karen escaped with her virtue nominally intact. I mean, I wouldn''t have done anything she didn''t want to do, but I''ve got Saffron and Siobhan and Marie all into me, so I''m guessing I''ve got some kind of mad isekai rizz skillz here. That''s the only thing that explains it, because now that I''m not seeing whatever illusions the curse puts over my senses, I can see that my body has got to be like ninety percent scar tissue. Then again, Keanu said, ''chicks dig scars''. Shit, I''ve been with a couple dudes back in the day who were scarred up pretty bad and it didn''t stop them from scoring. I mean, acne scars, not fighting scars. Okay, there''s the guy with the through and through in his calf, which he let me stick my finger in for services in kind. There''s also the guy who thought you moved the razor sideways after watching too many razor commercials. Looked like he''d tried to give himself a chin strap beard, only by slicing part of his face away.


    Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.


    What? He was funny as shit. Clothing and laughter are mutually incompatible. That''s just science.


    Anyway, like I said, still high. Spent all night with Saffron holding my metaphoric leash and keeping my less obedient, stoner minded tentacles from sneaking back across the border to Fae Tijuana. Night seemed kinda short, only not. Like, all at the same time seemed like it went by in an eyeblink, but took forever. Hell, I think I''d be perfectly fine with lying on that field of tentacles leaning against Saffron''s calves forever. By morning I had a couple gripes though. In no particular order, I kinda wanted an ocean view for some reason. Maybe Murder Mitten''s magical ocean smell? Because she stuck with us as well. Pretty much had to or Siobhan would have taken a flying leap off the edge of the tentacle plateau to get herself a face full of wacky Fae weed.


    Sitting there in the weird cloudless sky, with the sun shining down on us just enough to warm us from the wind, but not enough to get us sweaty or burn, I had a sudden epiphany. "Wait, wait, wait." I stared at Marie and Siobhan in their skimpy wedding dresses. White on white on white on white. Something rang a bell in my brain, an image flashing before my eyes, pale skin, pale hair and overwhelmed Saffron. "You like blondes. Like, super pale platinum blondes."


    She just smiled indulgently. "I always wondered if you''d noticed."


    "You mean I, I mean Future Me, never twigged to that before?"


    She shrugged. "Oh, we discussed how I grew up in a society where ''fair'' meant ''beautiful'' and ''good''."


    "It..." Her eyes rolled and I shut up.


    "It literally means ''light in coloration'', Goof." She shook her head and laughed quietly. Trying not to get the other pair''s attention, I guessed. "As I told you last time I mentioned this, when we spoke about Hilde."


    "Hilde?"


    She sighed. "A young woman you rescued from Norfolk before you conquered the City. I asked that you not adopt her because... I am not that strong."


    "You? You''re the strongest woman I know." I reached up to touch her face, and she leaned into the caress.


    "When I know what is right, and what is wrong, and when my heart and my head agree. But this... this was a case where all that I learned growing up told me it was my just reward to take something."


    "So why didn''t you?" I whispered.


    She beamed down at me. "You. You, love. You showed me that even my own preconceptions had been tainted by the evil that permeates our world. You showed me a better way. And when I wasn''t strong enough to walk it by myself, you were there to carry me."


    I leaned my head against her knee, and she stroked my hair. "Kinda need you to carry me this time."


    She snickered. "Oh, I think all you need is a shoulder to lean on."


    "No, Kitten, I mean the whole memory thing."


    She ruffled my hair, then ran her nails across my scalp. I leaned in harder. "Oh, love. We lean on each other, whenever we need to. And sometimes that means all of us are leaning on the others, and we stagger forward rather than striding."


    "But you still like platinum blondes."


    She grinned down at me. "I do."


    "Did you point me at those two?"


    She shook her head, still grinning. "No, love. In this I am as innocent as a babe."


    I thought about some of the stuff we''d done since they scooped me up off the shore of Calverton and took me to the Black Dragon. "Yeah. You and innocent are not exactly things that juxtapose."


    "Unlike you and Siobhan?" I looked up at her. "Or you and Marie?" I spluttered a little. "Or, and yes this is my favorite, you and me?"


    "More like you and platinum blondes."


    She just smiled serenely down on me. "I meant what I said, love. Oh, I do love our partners. They bring me joy, and bring me joy yet again when they bring you joy. But you, love. Always you. Heart of my heart, you sing to my Soul. I love you, Tabitha Diaz."


    "I love you, Saffron Aetos."


    She pulled me up to lay across her lap. "That''s Saffron Aetos-Diaz, love."


    I don''t know why, but that just opened up the floodgates. I wept there in her lap. In her arms. I wept for a moment, for a day, for an eternity. When my eyes cleared, Marie and Siobhan had snuggled up with us as we sat watching the sun dip low behind the Rockies.


    Right about then Karen showed up, still wearing her Academy Uniform. "Imperator?"


    "Yes, Senior Cadet Smith?"


    "We have an audience with Tallulah Crow, Overlord of Rich Man''s Port, one week from tomorrow, at moonrise.

 Day Four Hundred And Eighty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    "Vengeance is not what you think.


    It never becomes justice,


    But it''s better than nothing."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Vengeance


    Yeah, Vengeance is like Violence. It''s utter bullshit to say that ''violence never solves anything''. Look, if you have some little asshole addicted to the dopamine rush of making other people feel like shit, and nobody in a position of authority is gonna sit them down and stage an intervention each and every time they pull that shit, nothing short of violence is going to make them wake up and say ''I really ought to stop doing that''. Of course, that comes with all kinds of other problems, like getting detention for kicking the shit out of them, maybe catching some weapons charges, probably getting grounded, and definitely having to stay in the house until you find a senior guy in their social circle and do some crotch fluid extraction as a kind of apology.


    Look, nobody wants to get jumped. And that brings me back around to the whole Vengeance thing. I''m sure everybody''s heard the old saw about ''if you seek vengeance, dig two graves'', and most people have even heard a variety of second halves ranging from ''one for your target, one for yourself'' to ''it makes it harder to find the body''. Thing is, nobody looking for vengeance is going to listen to that shit. There are two categories of people who go looking for vengeance. The first are entitled petty assholes who think minor inconveniences should be responded to with deadly force. The second are people who''ve been pushed so hard for so long that they have nothing left to lose, because everything they had has been taken away. Neither group really has an idea about ''restraint'' or ''proportional response''. Nah, they''ve got a target and they''re gonna hit that target as hard as they can, and if that causes a bunch of fuckin'' collateral it''s fine with them.


    Now, that first group can get fucked. Seriously, I don''t want worshippers like that. If you respond to social gaffes by ruining somebody''s life, you need to take all the seats. Only thing going in my Holy Book for them will be ''if this is why you''re after Vengeance? Don''t.''


    The other group are the ones I gotta talk to. The ones where there''s no chance of a ''back and forth'' series of strikes, because anybody their targets'' family would strike back against has already been struck. The folks where they''re not looking for justice, they''re looking for wrecking somebody''s shit because they''ve been hurt so bad they can never personally rebuild. Because those are the times you actually get otherwise untouchable oppressors getting touched; when someone has been pushed so far that they''ll do just about goddamned anything to push back.


    Yeah, I''m gonna have to be real careful about this shit. Start out with, ''this isn''t going to help anyone'', pass through, ''if you do this for petty reasons, fuck off and find a different Goddess'', and then wind up firmly in ''focus your death run, because That Kind Of Asshole is really good at deflecting them''. Now that I think about it, if I''ve got time maybe I could redirect some folks into more ''Count of Monte Christo'' sorts of Vengeance. Y''know, ''living well is the best revenge'' kind of shit. Because like I said, actual violent revenge never winds up making things better.


    Just different.


    But sometimes different is a good change, because the different is something that can be built on.


    Today was shitty for the pettiest reason I can think of, and it makes me sad to think about it.


    So yesterday we all spent another day staring at the edge of the vast, undulating fields of tentacles that is Mimic in M-Space. Or Underhill? I guess it''s all the same place. By nightfall when Karen arrived with her message from Overlord Crow, Saffron was lookin'' a little worse for wear. I snuggled up and said, "anything I can do to help, Kitten?"


    She put her arms around me, laid her head on my chest and said, "Stabilize me?" I shrugged, pushed my Mana into that Shape, and laid the resulting weave of Mana against her chest. Her whole body heaved, her eyes shooting open before she settled back down. "Again? More?"


    "You sure? I don''t want to hurt you."


    She smiled. "It''s a Healing spell, love. The worst it''s ever done is knock someone unconscious. More often than not, it wakes them up." She paused, considering. "Well, perhaps once you almost caused me Mana Burn when we hooked ourselves into a Stabilizing loop until you dropped. But you had a lot less Mana to work with then."


    If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.


    "That''s supposed to make me feel better about it?"


    "Well, not only do you have far more control over things, you''ve also got enough that I wouldn''t wind up ''Mana Burned''. Probably just knocked unconscious." Still not copacetic, I Shaped my Mana again, this time pouring Mana into the center of the Shape until it shone like a little star in the palm of my hand. Right before it touched her chest, far too late for me to pull back, she said, "or burn me to ash."


    This time her arching back pulled her almost out of my grasp, and light blasted from her mouth and eyes. The moment she slumped, unconscious, I grabbed at her face, shaking her, trying to get her to wake up. "Saffron! Saffron! Are you okay? Are you alive? Kitten? Kitten!"


    A grin stretched her lips even as her tongue darted out to taste the air. "That might have been nicer a little lower down. Also, it''s been quite a while since you just dropped it all in at once rather than letting it go slowly."


    "I''m sorry!"


    She silenced any further apologies by kissing me. Her grinning giggles had started shifting to hungry growls when I pulled away. "No need to apologize, Goof. That is incredibly refreshing, no matter how you do it. Perhaps a bit abrupt, though, when you do it like that."


    "I... I''ll try to do it right from now on."


    "It''s fine, Goof. In fact, try that. Right now." She pulled one hand around behind her neck, then held the other a couple inches from her chest. "Now. Again. Just that much, only slowly."


    "I don''t want to risk burning you to ash, Kitten."


    She smiled and shook her head. "I''m sorry, love. I was joking. I... I forgot. That you''d forgot. I think it was you playing with Marie''s fur earlier."


    "Huh?"


    "You don''t remember? You were brushing it back and forth with your hand, watching how the light reflected off it differently."


    I shook my head. I barely remembered the feel of her fur on my palm, but couldn''t remember why I''d been doing it, or what I''d been looking at. No Fae woo, that I could tell. Just plain old fashioned intoxication. "Fuck. Now I wanna do that more."


    She pulled my hand closer to her. "This first, please?"


    I frowned a little, and she bit her lip and raised her eyebrows, silently pleading. Which she never did, which made me realize she was playing just for me. I smirked at her, then whomped her with the biggest Stabilize I could. Slowly. I absolutely did not let her push my hand lower than her bellybutton, because if she wanted me to do that, she could ask me openly about it.


    Which, a while after sunrise, after a night spent with the three of us playing with Marie''s fur, she did. Fun to watch after watching starlight against the patterns we drew in Marie''s fur with our fingers. I know, not exactly the intellectually stimulating activity that would normally keep me occupied for a dozen hours, but as I''ve repeatedly noted, that Fae Field stuff was the good shit. I think for the most part my intellectual capacity was about capable of understanding something like Boobahs. The kid''s show, not the kid feeding, mate attracting chest accessories. Although Saffron proved that those could get my attention just as well shortly after dawn when she stretched, shaded her eyes, looked at the sun and said, "you know? I think sunbathing is the order of the day today."


    "Sunbathing?"


    "Mmm. It was surprisingly fun after your musical battle with Jarl Johnson."


    I just sat there, utterly unable to figure out if she was joking or not. Then Marie arrived with a few blankets, and the moment she had the first one floofed out across the tentacle tips Saffron shucked off her dress and flopped back onto it, arms spread out and eyes closed. "Fuck it. Sunbathing it is!" I claimed the spot next to her, and felt some kinda way when Siobhan stood there looking vaguely upset. "It''s okay, Ice Pop. If you''re not okay with it, you can just lie down with us. Or with Marie. Pretty sure Murder Mittens doesn''t tan. Do you?"


    "No." Then one of her showed up sans clothes and curled across one of the blankets. "Warm."


    Really should have seen that coming, what with the whole ''cat and sunbeam'' thing. Siobhan, looking like she was about to sob, said, "no, it''s not that. I... I sunburn easily."


    I snickered, snorted, and shook my head before I broke down laughing. "Okay, okay, so we''ll, I dunno, maybe get you an umbrella?"


    Without moving, Saffron said, "I can do better than that. Join us, Siobhan. If you want to. I''ll see to it you don''t burn." Mana danced above her, then expanded into a nearly transparent dome that covered all of us and our towels. Siobhan didn''t need any more encouragement than that. Her face lit up like a kid on Christmas, and she ditched her dress, at which point I realized she was in fact ''the beacons are lit, the Alliance calls for aid'' white all over, and flopped down next to me. Of course, within about ten minutes she had her head pillowed on my belly.


    "That can''t be comfortable."


    Saffron popped one eye open just a slit to look at us, then proceeded to crawl over and do the exact same thing from the other side. Then both of them closed their eyes and slumped down like they intended to go to sleep. Like Marie had already done, apparently.


    "This is gonna leave me with the weirdest tan lines."


    "I certainly hope so," murmured Saffron.


    At that point it actually sounded kinda funny to me, so I just went with it, lay back, and soaked up the sun for a while.


    We lay there for a while. We lay there for minutes, for hours, for years. As the sun approached the Rockies on the horizon, I glanced around and sighed. "Well. Shit. Guess the Fae Field flowers have worn off."


    "Hmm?"


    I looked to where Marie lay, furless and just as pale as Siobhan. "Not seeing our Murder Mittens as herself any more." Then I remembered something and got pissed. "Dammit!"


    "What''s wrong, love?"


    "I really wanted to see what a Troll looks like."

 Day Four Hundred And Eighty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    "Before you pursue Vengeance,


    First you should seek out Justice,


    When Justice fails, then Vengeance."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Vengeance


    Yeah, maybe not the most elegant way of saying that, but then I''m not the one who came up with this weird ass meter. But I definitely want people looking for the best solution before looking for the worst one. Shit, I''m not even one hundred percent sure what Justice is all the time, but I gotta say it''s gonna be better than Vengeance, at least in terms of what''s going to be better for the most people dealing in good faith in the long run. Like, yeah, Vengeance feels good. It makes you warm when everything''s gone cold, but it does that by lighting the fuckin'' world on fire.


    Which... yeah. Maybe. If the world has turned into some kind of people hurting machine, and the only way to stop it is to set it on fire? Sure. Okay. I''ll be right there with the Molotovs. But... that''s just it, most of the time the entire world isn''t a people hurting machine. Yeah, there''s always gonna be a machine in that abstract metaphoric sense, and holy fuck do I now want to look at the inside of the halls of government to see what they look like in so-called Metaphoric Space, but Victorian Britain aside, it''s pretty rare for somebody to build a machine just to hurt people. Usually they''re building it for something else entirely. Yeah, a lot of the time the something else entirely is ''more money and power for people with money and power'', but ever since the invention of Madame Guillotine, the smarter people with money and power have learned that there is in fact a reason to build, say, Disneyworld instead of the Soylent Green factory.


    But sometimes you do get times where whoever is in power has turned the world into a people hurting machine. Sometimes it''s incidental, sometimes it''s a side effect of somebody''s grab for power and wealth, but sometimes the cruelty is the fucking point. At that point, the machine has to go. At that point, if asking to have the machine disabled, dismantled, destroyed doesn''t work, it''s time to pull out the cookbook and get to burning shit. And sometimes, that means somebody diving into the machine and wrecking everything until everybody who isn''t being fed to or by the machine gets so upset that they shut the machine down just to get some fuckin'' peace and quiet.


    Yeah, nobody''s gotta tell me ''life is shitty''. I''m doing my best to make life here in the new world I''ve found myself in less shitty than the amazingly more shitty version of life they''d produced here. Honestly, I''m not sure why I''m doing it, but my gut tells me that''s what I want to do, and other than ''I might get hurt'', my brain can''t come up with a good reason not to. And when it comes to getting hurt? Been there, done that, amazingly do not have a forehead scar to memorialize it.


    So yesterday after legitimate sadness about no longer being able to see or feel my Murder Mittens'' murder mittens, and vocal complaints about not seeing any Trolls, I focused on keeping all my fuckin'' tentacles back behind... Okay, I picked the biggest one and dragged its tip along the ground like maybe a quarter its length away from where my smallest tentacles sprouted from the ground. Then I stepped to the Mortal Realm, nearly shat myself as gravity decided to be a bitch about things, stepped back to M-Space and caught myself, stepped to the ground, stepped back to the Mortal Realm, used one tentacle to pick myself up, which was really stupidly difficult for some reason, then used another to turn the faint disturbances into an actual line in the ground. I''m pretty sure that line was closer to Rich Man''s Port than Calverton, and I could kinda see both from this altitude, but at that exact moment I did not give a shit about that, only about giving my tentacles a literal line they weren''t supposed to cross.


    No idea if it would work, but... Due diligence done, I stepped back to Saffron and pulled her into my arms. "Let''s go home."


    Marie scooped Siobhan up, and a moment later the four of us stood in the bathroom, where the Maenads had already begun combing each other. The ladies, who''d been putting bath time together, gathered around when we arrived, and I think the only reason we didn''t get a cheer was the size of the room. All of them gathered around like they wanted to touch us, like seeing us wasn''t enough, wasn''t confirmation that we were, in fact, back.


    After a few minutes of that, Saffron hopped to the edge of the tub and clapped her hands. "Everyone, the water is ready; we can talk to each of you as long as you need while you''re bathing. Anyone with any health concerns please speak with Sister Siobhan."


    I''d say nobody looked happy about that, but honestly they all looked pretty happy just to have us back, and there wasn''t any of the grumbling you''d normally expect. Just some quiet sighing and shuffling into something resembling a line. The kids came through first, although tonight Maze went first and Menace brought up the rear for our six and the dozen other kids; over half of those belonged to the women who lived with us, but at least four others had joined us tonight, including a blond boy about Alex''s size. Definitely had the whole ''Lancaster'' thing stamped on his face, and I vaguely wondered if he belonged to Larry, Lachlan, or their dad.


    Of course, when I heard Maze call him ''Liam'', that just confirmed my Lancaster suspicions without telling me which Lancaster had spawned him.


    The kids each gave Saffron a big hug when they got in the bath, which didn''t really surprise me. All but Menace and Maze did the same with me, which did, kinda. Menace leapt up to cling to my shoulders and rubbed her face across mine, and Maze waved me down and bumped her forehead against my chin, then my forehead. Then the women started hugging Saffron, and I surprised myself by not getting bothered, either of the jealous or ''hot and'' variety. Then they came to me to get toweled dry, and I got the same kind of treatment; a firm hug where they leaned their face against my chest for a bit, almost like they wanted to listen to my heart beating or something. Really weird, but not in a bad way.


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    Then Devorah got in the tub, and I swear to fuckin'' god Saffron dommed her right the fuck down into behaving rather than turning the tub into a literal fuck tub.


    That would be because your collective agreement is for after she''s delivered her first batch of mead.


    You''re shitting me. Really?


    It is, in fact, something we spoke briefly about once. Well, you spoke with Sigyn while visiting me. The ''collective agreement'' was between yourself, Saffron, Marie, and Devorah. I don''t believe Siobhan had yet joined your family.


    Oh. Wow. Uh, maybe I should talk to her about that?


    If you wish, it couldn''t hurt anything. I''m told communication is key in maintaining healthy relationships.


    Good advice. Thanks, Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    Then Devorah swayed her way across to me, and I caught her with a towel between us when she ''slipped'' and almost faceplanted into my tits. "Devorah," I said, quiet enough it wouldn''t get everyone''s attention.


    "Yes, Champion?"


    "How''s that mead coming along? Ready yet?"


    She frowned, and I got the idea that vague anger was all that kept her from sorrow. "I''ve not even collected the honey. I''ll still need equipment for a proper brewery."


    "Just a minute." I covered her head with the towel and rubbed her hair dry. Kitten? Do we have enough money to get her brewery set up?


    A throaty chuckle reverberated through my head. Eager for after, are you?


    NO! I panicked a little. I just want... she''s upset. Sad. I don''t want her to be sad.


    So kind. She sighed, but not like she was upset. More a sigh of satisfaction. Tomorrow, then, I will take her to acquire her brewing equipment.


    Really? Cool! Thanks, Kitten!


    In response she just grinned at me as she scrubbed Anna''s hair clean. I pulled the towel down from Devorah''s mostly dry hair and wrapped it around her, trapping her hands before they could wander. Then, as I rubbed her dry, I leaned in and whispered, "tomorrow the Imperator will take you equipment shopping."


    Weird, how even with somebody I wasn''t really all that attached to it made my whole day better when she smiled like that, like someone had just told her that everything was gonna be right with her world. Or maybe I was more attached to her than I realized, but I couldn''t remember it. Or maybe I''d taken a little trip to a river in Egypt when I wasn''t looking.


    When I finally got my turn in the tub with Saffron, with Marie combing out Siobhan''s hair and everyone else gone off to bed, I murmured, "what''s going on ''after'' with Devorah, again?"


    She just grinned at me and said, "what do you think, Goof?"


    She scrubbed at me playfully, and my cheeks warmed as I thought about it. "Really?" She nodded. "Really, really?" She giggled a little, nodding again. "You''re not jealous?"


    "As I''ve told you before, and no doubt will again, you are mine, now and forevermore. And I am yours. Whatever just happens," she snickered, "with anyone else affects that not at all. Anyone else partaking of our bountiful appetites can, at best, share in our joy." She spun me around and went to work on my back, which felt incredible as knots loosened under hot water and kneading. "Every time you''ve done anything of the sort, even in the most offhand of ways? It has only served to heighten our enjoyment." Her hands found the perpetually stiff spots at the juncture of my neck and shoulders, the ones I hadn''t even realized were there, and I kinda melted back into her. "Really, you''ve totally missed the question you ought to be asking."


    "Asking who?" I murmured.


    "Yourself. Me. Marie. Siobhan."


    That tried to perk me up, but the combination of hot water, deep massage, and Saffron proximity totally ruined any chance I had at coherence. "Whassat?"


    She leaned in to my ear. "Will our Devorah be a passing fling, an occasional dalliance, a sometime Revel partner, like our boys Lachlan and Linus? Or should I plan on making our sleeping quarters just a little larger?"


    So many parts of my tried to tense up at that. I really wanted to be all ''oh, no, must do something, say something, anything'', but then Marie walked by Siobhan tucked into one arm, and ruffled my hair with her other hand. Eventually my eyes slid open as my head slipped half under the water, Saffron running her fingers through my hair to wash away accumulated grime. "D''ya care?"


    She smirked at me. "Of course I care, love. But to answer the question I think you meant, rather than the one you could force out of your mouth at the moment? No, I''ve no opinion. She is, after all, not to my normal tastes. Although..." she pondered while she scrubbed my scalp. I think I fell asleep for a while. When she hoisted me up to pour water over my head to rinse me off, that woke me up just enough that when she turned me around to face her, and pulled my lips down to hers, I understood what she meant when she thought, but she is sort of to yours, though, isn''t she?


    Dreamt of being really annoyed at myself for stopping myself from stealing the neighbor''s edibles. Also, had the munchies, and totally nommed all available High Priestess Treats. Worried about that a little, but only in a vague sort of way. Weird dreams.


    Today, while Saffron took Devorah shopping, and Siobhan went to work at the Academy, I travelled with Marie and the rest of the women to the Homestead. I spent the morning slicing out chunks of the caves we''d been cutting into all three hillsides, then using the stones produced to fill molds small and large with molten rock. In the afternoon, as they cooled, the Maenads took me around to show me how they''d been cutting slots into walls for steps. Like, straight up using their claws to carve out two-inch deep slots in the shape of the smaller blocks I''d made, then shoving one end of the block into the hold. When I asked Marie how they''d keep them from coming out, she said, "Bond." Then looked at me expectantly.


    Kitten? How do I bond the steps into place?


    Oh. Here, let me. Pay attention. And she used my hand to Shape Mana into what looked like some kind of magical superglue. I''m sure she''d shown me that before when we were putting the basement roofs on, but my brain hadn''t grokked it. I really hoped I was just, y''know, being a dumbass and not forgetting new shit because of the curse. Still, it was nice doing my part to build stuff. No idea why bonding shit together felt like ''making stuff'' where turning piles of rocks into big stone slabs didn''t, but it did.


    Felt nice.

 Day Four Hundred And Eighty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    "Vengeance is the last resort,


    It should never be the first,


    But when you''re on death ground, fight."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Vengeance


    Yeah, I think I''m gonna wind up spending at least half, maybe more than half of this book focused on ''Vengeance - don''t do it''. Mostly because people jump to it way too fast, and that just winds up with everybody lying in the mud bleeding, even people who weren''t involved in the first place. That said, I need to find a way to let folks know that if they really were pushed that far? They need to focus on finding the one most responsible and starting with them. Maybe without a lifetime of video games and movies telling them to start with a mook and work their way up to the Big Boss, they''ll clue into the fact that that whole process is just a way to help the folks who profit the most from shitty behavior avoid the consequences for it.


    Like, seriously, if somebody''s really in a position where Vengeance is called for? They''re not likely to be in a position where they can climb the ladder to get to the Big Bad Evil Guy. If they were, the Big Bad Evil Guy wouldn''t have pushed them. So they need to focus their limited resources on that guy to start with. Okay, training montage to focus everything on project ''hurt the Big Bad Evil Guy to death''. Maybe they gotta go through some bodyguard mini-bosses, but they need know that from the moment the violence starts, that asshole is doing one of two things. They''re either armoring up and getting ready to stomp the vengeance seeker, or they''re gathering up their wealth and rabbiting, leaving them you to die fighting minions. Which doesn''t fix shit, because there''s always another idiot who thinks they''re invincible, or doesn''t care if they die protecting some asshole so long as that asshole lets them bully people until they do.


    I mean, fuck, a lot of the time even if whoever hit the end of their rope and chose violence takes out the entrenched oppressor, another one just steps up and takes their place, but eventually if you keep hot swapping them, maybe one will learn ''don''t push people too far'', or even maybe the world hits the jackpot and gets somebody in the Big Bad Evil Guy slot who realizes that one percent of a quadrillion is larger than ninety nine percent of one trillion. ''Enlightened despotism'' is the fancy word for it. It sounds great until the enlightened despot dies without actually changing the shit that made them a despot in the first place, and some numbnuts decides to ''go back to the old ways'' or some shit.


    Y''know, I''m having kind of a strong emotional response to this, and for once I don''t think it''s just growing up in a supposedly first world hell hole. I think shit like this may have actually happened to me here. Possibly more than once.


    So at the end of the day Marie and I took everybody home, and we worked our way through bath time without nearly so much weepiness and clinging this time. It took me until I got in the tub with Saffron for the idea to percolate through to my frontal lobes.


    "Did... did they really miss us that much?"


    She just smiled softly at me. "Yes, love. As you noted when we brought them here, when we took them in, these are all refugees. Women who were ostracized for one reason or another, driven out of their homes to live in the wilderness. Most of them protected by Maenads, true, but while Maenads are many things, proper homemakers isn''t one of those things."


    "But... Marie?"


    She shook her head. "Marie is an outlier. Her hobby for the past four centuries has been all the incidental tasks one might think of as ''homemaking''. Cooking, cleaning, sewing. She loves those things, they bring her joy, but those aren''t what she was made for, not the things that are universal to Maenads."


    "Huh. So how does that relate to us?"


    "We took them in. You did, really, although I had no objections. I found it heartwarming and wonderful, really. But we took them in, and so they see us... you, mostly, I think, as ''head of House''. Not just that, but you''ve made it clear through your actions that you intend to care for them, given them every benefit that comes with being part of our household, yet you make none of the demands they''ve come to expect from someone in your position. You outright refused to take liberties with Devorah, despite her throwing herself at you."


    I frowned. "What the fuck is up with ''after'' then?"


    She smiled up at me as she washed the sweat from all my assorted crevices where it collected. "Your compromise. Really, not just with her. I think you made the same compromise with Hilde when you had her fostered and hidden from me." I opened my mouth, but she kept speaking. "When they are fully able to stand on their own two feet, when the choice is clearly theirs, and clearly a choice, not something anyone could claim was demanded of them, then, if they still want, you won''t deny them."


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    I pouted a little. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Don''t know what they see in me, though."


    She smiled up at me, scooted herself up the side of the bath so she could look me right in the eyes. "Strength, and not just of limb. Beauty, and not just of face. Passion, for everything you choose to do." I opened my mouth to reply, but she interrupted me. "And everyone." She kissed me, and that ended any kind of discussion right then and there.


    Okay, there were some more discussions when Siobhan and Marie joined us, but that''s an entirely different kind of discussing.


    Dreamt of my lovely ladies, all four of them tossing each other at my maw. Okay, nobody really tossed Karen, she pretty much stuck to auto-yeeting, but she did team up with Saffron and Siobhan to lob a particularly big Marie Pasta at me. So fuckin'' weird.


    Waffles and chicken tendies with gravy syrup this morning. Holy fucking god those are good.


    I remember them from your birthday. Any chance you could get Sigyn and I an invite to breakfast at some point?


    Dad! I''m shocked! Are you asking me how I like my eggs?


    It took even the God of Mischief a second to twig to my over the top taunting. Tabitha!


    Unfertilized.


    Gah! Don''t you see her as your mother at this point?


    I swallowed, then snorted. Just fuckin'' with you.


    Loki''s sigh reverberated through my skull. That''s a relief.


    I''m surprisingly okay with the idea of fertilized.


    Tabitha!


    I snickered, snorted, then decided I needed to stop self amusing before my waffles got cold. Sorry, Dad. I''ll see what I can do about making sure Marie makes enough for you next time.


    Thank you?


    Yeah, and for the record, you''re always invited. You are, after all, the best.


    I know.


    After breakfast we all got ourselves to the Homestead and got to work. Of course, what with the shopping trip yesterday, not everybody had the same definitions of ''getting to work''. One of the women, Chloe, apparently knew something about beekeeping. Couldn''t collect any bees or honey at this point, apparently, because it would fuck with the bees or some shit, but she and Devorah went looking for hives. They had long strips of bright blue cloth with them; I think to mark the ones they found.


    I spent the morning filling up molds again. Well, okay, like usual the first part was slicing big chunks of stone out of the hillside. I realized about midway through the morning, as I left the ''main'' dig, the one that Saffron told me would become our ''House'', like, capital H ''Aetos-Diaz House'', that we were gonna have three fuckin'' stories above the ground, plus the basement. This place was gonna be huge. Like, not quite ''Lancaster House'' huge, but still, house of bigness. Then again, while I definitely enjoyed the whole ''everybody piled into one big pile'', and hoped there would be a place for that in our new digs? I also totally understood how important it was for people to have their own space. Fuck, I''m pretty sure I wouldn''t feel right about doing anything with Devorah until she had her own space to sleep in, one where she could lock us all out if we pissed her off, or if she felt some kinda way about cuddling after canoodling, or just because she wanted alone time.


    Kind of interesting watching the Maenads grabbing up the rocks and yeeting them out into the yard to sit there until the edges start to cool down, at which point the women who are otherwise employed doing what I think of as ''landscaping'' with maybe a little bit of logging grab them up and fill the molds with them. They just shove their claw tips in, then move like fuckin'' lightning until they''re in a spot where they can fling them. The Maenads, not the women. Who generally don''t have claw tips. Thinking about that gave me some really specific thoughts about Murder Mittens and how I couldn''t see her murder mittens any more, instead seeing them as really long fingernails, which made me feel some kinda way.


    I poured that into my work, melting the rocks as quick as I could, so I could go join the others in putting pieces together. Of course, right around then Saffron told me she needed me to add another layer to the tower. I wound up standing in a weird little box made out of ''Air Shield''s, pouring Fire into rocks filling a mold made out of Filtration Wards. Not quite the same, not quite as fun, and kinda weird how even the Maenads had to stay out of the tower top when I was doing it.


    Hella cool thing, though, was the way even after I finished melting it all, it drew air out of the basements and created a really nice breeze coming from the upper, and thus nominally cooler end of our valley.


    Two other things really stuck out about the day, at least in a good way. First, at some point during the day it really hit me that this was going to be House Aetos-Diaz. Our House. Our home. Like, not just a room somebody had given us in a communal building, or, I dunno... Just... Home.


    Second, that earlier melancholy realization about not being able to see Murder Mittens'' murder mittens made the good vibes hit even harder when, as the sun approached the horizon, when I''d decided to do some things to fight that funk with far funner funkier funk of my own, I walked over, put my arms around her, and towed her away from the crowd of her sisters. "Time to go, Mittens."


    She looked at the sun, ruffled my hair, and said, "bath time?"


    Nothing quite so awesome as the sheer joy on her face when I smirked up at her and said, "yeah. After."


    Of course, the really good thing? That I only realized as her sisters all kinda snickered at us? I''d walked up and picked her out of a crowd of identical twin sisters, and I could absolutely do it again any fuckin'' time I wanted, even if I had no idea how I did it.

 Day Four Hundred And Eighty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    "Self-Defense is not Vengeance,


    If you have things left to lose,


    Defend them, don''t seek Vengeance."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Vengeance


    Yeah, somebody murders your kid, and you''ve got another kid? Focus your efforts on keeping that second kid safe. I''m not saying ''oh, the first kid wasn''t important''. I''m saying if you go on a Vengeance death run, because that''s what they fuckin'' are, that second kid is gonna wind up dying too.


    Before anybody gives me shit about what Saffron told me I did on the Equinox at the Moon Temple, I didn''t go there for Vengeance. I went there to save my kid. Yeah, when I got there too late, I absolutely took Vengeance. I''m not gonna be the kind of hypocrite who says that nobody should ever do a Vengeance. I''m saying that it shouldn''t be a fuckin'' go to maneuver. I mean, okay, if you''re such an incredible badass that after you''ve torn your way through the assholes who killed your entire family you''re still up for asshole killing, I guess you can go look for other people whose families have been murdered and work on giving them Vengeance-by-proxy, but let''s face it, how many of his fans are actually Frank Castle, and how many of them are themselves assholes who just want to shoot people without consequence?


    Also, I''m very well aware that proactive self-defense and defense of loved ones can wind up with the same end results. Specifically, jackasses getting extra ventilation openings in their skulls. But it''s the process that''s gonna change. Like, seriously, right now if somebody straight up waxed all my ladies and my menace? I would have to be a lot more strategic, a lot more coherent, about my actions as regards whatever motherfucker did that shit. Because either I have to take the other five kids along with me as I do whatever I''m doing, or I need to subcontract out either the child care or the shit wrecking to somebody I trust with that shit. Just thinking about that is fucking with my goddamned calm, by the way.


    You could just Revive them, you realize?


    I can what?


    You Revived Isnomi.


    I... oh. Yeah. I guess I could.


    But if the situation prevented that, I would recommend that you trust either or both with your first followers, Daughter.


    Huh?


    Laurence Lancaster and Bonita Obol-Lancaster. Larry and Bonnie. While he may not be quite your equal in mass combat, in single combat he''s tremendously skilled.


    I thought about that for a second. Yeah, I guess.


    Also, should you need someone to watch over your children, my wife and I would be delighted to do so. Even if the reason is less urgent or dire than that.


    Aw, thanks Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    So anyway yesterday I stole Marie away with some very specific intentions, only to have my ladies join us and initiate some shenanigans. Not complaining, but I still had a very particular itch that hadn''t been scratched. So the moment we had everybody washed, fed, and tucked into bed, I whisked her away to the Bed room.


    She looked at me, head cocked questioningly. I rolled her on her back, straddled her hips, and pulled her hands over my shoulders. Once I had her hands there I leaned forward, letting the tips of her nails slide down my back until my head rested next to hers. "I... I can''t see you like this. I can''t even really feel you like this. Not like I should. Except..." I pulled her mouth to my shoulder.


    "Vlickies?"


    "Please. And... claws?"


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    My eyes slipped closed as she sank her fangs into my shoulder. Then her nails... her claws punctured my back. Like a cat making biscuits. Just exactly like that, I realized a moment later when she started purring. I have no idea how long we lay there. Time moved oddly. A minute, an hour, an endless moment later, she chuckled, the vibration travelling through my fucking bones in counterpoint to her purr. Might have hurt had my endorphin stream had so little blood in it at the time.


    "Somethin'' funny?" I murmured, managing to slip my hand around behind her head to hold her right where she was.


    Audience.


    Without moving my head or my hand, I raised my voice just enough to be heard. "Sorry. Needed this."


    Saffron''s voice didn''t accuse, didn''t object. Just informed. "We have an acupuncture kit, you realize? I really should be getting more practice in, now that I think about it."


    "Mmm. Siobhan?"


    "Yes, Tabitha?"


    "Let Saffron practice?"


    Funny, right then I swear I could hear the little pouts on both Saffron and Siobhan''s faces. "I''d rather hoped to practice on you, Goof. No offense, Siobhan."


    "Oh, none taken. I don''t really need that at the moment either, but..."


    Fond humor filled Saffron''s voice when she asked, "need a touch up on your neck, then?"


    Siobhan''s butt hit the end of the bed. "Not so much need, per se."


    "Ladies?" When the banter went silent, I said, "This... This is the only real Marie I get. Everything else. It''s all covered by the curse."


    Siobhan stayed silent, and even Marie''s purring quieted a little at that, and that made Saffron''s sudden question seem all the more intense. "That isn''t?"


    I chuckled a little at that, and my bones vibrated against her fangs. "Yeah. No. I feel it when her fangs go through my skin. When her claws do."


    "Does it hurt?"


    "No more than usual. Which is, like, no more than a deep tissue massage, y''know? Only so much better. Endorphins good."


    Saffron just hummed. After a little bit I heard her pulling open a drawer, then a series of tiny exhalations from Siobhan. "I''m sorry, Sister. Am I hurting you?"


    Siobhan giggled. "I''m afraid I''m a bit sensitive, I think."


    Saffron chuckled at that. "But you wanted Marie to do unto you as she''s doing to Tabitha?"


    Siobhan hummed a bit at that. Eventually she said, "this is quite nice, once they''re in. Relaxing. Each one just a little more. But... that''s it, I think. Each of these is a tiny pinch followed by a tiny bit of relaxation. Marie... honestly her fangs don''t hurt much more, and the relaxation? Utter. Complete. Devastating, in every good way."


    "Yeah." I muttered.


    Saffron sighed, then gasped. "Everything okay?" I asked.


    "I just realized; one day before you were cursed, before Siobhan joined us, you and Marie both wound up needing Soul Realignment from Loki. Afterward... you both were so peaceful. So calm. Such a state of utter contentment. I..." she trailed off.


    Wept. Marie''s voice whispered into our heads.


    "Why?"


    "I couldn''t... couldn''t let myself relax like that. Calverton. Norfolk. So many things hovering over us. Over the Alliance."


    "Yeah, well. Now I''m fuckin'' cursed. It never ends, does it?"


    She sighed. "No. No it does not. But... we can do nothing about your curse until Monday. I... I can relax. Oh, not for more than a day? But..."


    "You said it''s Loki''s Soul Realignment that started it?"


    "Well, yes, but..."


    "Hush." Dad? Can you?


    Bring her on the morrow, Daughter.


    Thanks, Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    "All set, Kitten. You finish up your practice on Siobhan there, and in the morning we''ll take you to Dad''s place."


    I almost didn''t hear her when she said, "thank you, love."


    De nada, Kitten.


    The four of us slept in the Bed. Marie woke us up early enough to return to our bedroom before everybody else got up, and Saffron told them we had to visit Loki today, so they''d all have the next two days off. She was halfway to asking the Maenads to watch the kids when I interrupted. "I think Sigyn wants to sit for us."


    She stopped with her mouth hanging open. "All of them?"


    "Yep."


    "So be it."


    We each took a pair of little ones, at which point Siobhan said, "well, I suppose I''ll see you all on Saturnday? Or will I be waiting for Sunday?"


    Saffron slipped Menace onto her shoulders, reached out, and took Siobhan by the hand. "Where exactly do you think you''ll be going?"


    "But I..."


    "Will be joining us for the next two days." She paused. "Unless you didn''t want to?"


    Siobhan blushed, and smiled. "Really?"


    "Yes. Really. Are you sure you and the Goof haven''t been canoodling behind our backs?" When Siobhan cocked her head, confused, Saffron explained, "because you''re acting incredibly goofy." She turned to the Maenads. "Ladies." They nodded, and we stepped to Loki''s cave.


    Sigyn took one look at our cargo and her face lit up. The biggest fuckin'' snake I''d ever seen slid over, but before I could respond Menace leapt from her mom''s shoulders to glomp his head, after which she rode him back over to collect the rest of her sibs. "I take it I''ll be taking care of more than just Saffron today, then?"


    I shrugged, smiling. "You mind?"


    He smiled back, leaning close as I hoisted a naked Saffron onto his table. "After seeing your mother smile like that? Not one bit."

 Day Four Hundred And Eighty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    "If you can rebuild, do that,


    Instead of seeking Vengeance,


    But build prepared to Defend."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Vengeance


    Yeah, I get it, there''s only so much a person can tolerate, but if everybody just gives up on building, on making shit, on... on the future, then I might as well just gather everybody up for one last Revel and push the big red button while everybody sleeps. I''ve already decided I''m not going to do that. I''m shit when it comes to building, to making things. Like, look at the fuckin'' doggerel I''m spouting for my ''Holy Book''. That''s me, trying to make something, at my best. But there''s a difference between ''being ready to defend my family, my people, my home, that which I love'', and Vengeance.


    Like, I kinda get how even with Saffron clearly understanding how to build stuff out of wood or whatever, she''s chosen to build in stone. Not even cobblestone, but purpose molded foot thick or thicker slabs, all bonded together with some kinda magical cyanoacrylate. Yeah, definitely ''thicker'' in some cases, because I''ve noticed a couple places in the basement and first floor where she''s taken two or more slabs and bonded them together to form one super thick one. There''s some climate control in that, I''m sure, because if you get enough of anything it winds up being insulation. That''s why caves and shit are cooler than the surface, right? But our house, our home, is still gonna be a fuckin'' fortress.


    I mean, yeah, the Black Dragon''s guns could punch through that, I''m sure, but even there we''re gonna have some shit dug directly into the mountainside. The whole fuckin'' place is gonna be a bunker. Which, given how few real siege weapons I''ve seen anywhere else, including the few I scoped out on some of the ships in the harbor down in Calverton, not to mention the A.S.S. Questing Tentacle having fuckin'' big assed crossbows on swivels instead of proper cannon, there ain''t shit available that''s gonna punch through our walls. What with all our buildings being connected underground, once we close our doors? We''re fuckin'' safe from whatever decides to fuck around outside.


    Okay, I''m not sure about Dragons. Like, something the size of a jumbo jet crashing into them might do some damage. But at the same time, I''m pretty sure three foot of fuckin'' stone is gonna hold up better than anything else I can think of short of an equal amount of plate steel. Also, from what they tell me about what happened to the Dragon I landed the Black Dragon on, they''re not supernaturally sturdy or anything. Like, yeah, big bastards, but not ''I can ignore anything short of Deific intervention'' tough.


    Shut up, you know what I mean.


    Speaking of, I do worry a little bit about that. Like, if some asshole God decides to come at us, whether they''re gonna be able to go through the walls like they''re not even there or something.


    Some Deities are, in fact, strong enough to break three feet of stone. Others have other ways to deal with obstacles. Mother Domnu, for instance, could unmake the rock itself. Dad paused like he had to force himself to say what he said next. Your largest tentacles, my Daughter, could shatter stone like that, were you angered. My son Jormungandr could do so. But...


    But?


    First, Deities are loath to come at you directly, and some few have become aware of what has happened to those who have come at you indirectly. The list of those powerful enough to casually breach your home''s defenses and stupid or ignorant enough to do so is fairly small.


    How small?


    I can think of only two; Ares and Zeus. But there may be others.


    And second?


    He chuckled. Unless I miss my guess, your wife will not rest content with simple stone. I suspect that there will be enchantments layered into the rock. It''s not apparent to those without eyes to see, but your home sits on a deep well of Mana, and if she is the Archmage I think she is, any violent damage will cause your home will tap into that Mana to... defend itself.


    Good to know. Thanks, Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    Gotta make sure Kitten knows I''m down to help her if she needs it. But as noted, my core competency isn''t building shit. It''s wrecking shit. I guess I came to terms with that before, because that seems like the kind of thing I''d be upset about, but... I''m not.


    So yesterday Loki worked his Soul massage magic on all four of us as Sigyn experienced the kind of giddy maternal glee I think is only possible for grandmothers. Don''t get me wrong, I love my kids, for all that I''ve only consciously known them for like a month. But I get that they''ve all got their downsides. Lindsey is kinda standoffish, and it''s hard to tell when she''s upset. Alex, on the other hand, winds up seeming upset even when she''s not sometimes. David is so the epitome of girly that I think he might actually do some kind of highlander sword battle to the death if he ever met someone more girly than him, with the winner winding up even more girly than before. Which doesn''t sound bad until you realize there are, in fact, some downsides to even the most innocuous of typical gender roles. Maze is an absolute smart ass. Isnomi makes Maze and Alex seem mindful and demure. Daya... Daya just doesn''t like me much, I don''t think. Like, she doesn''t hate me? At least I don''t think she does? She just doesn''t really connect to anybody but Marie and Saffron.


    But all of those are really just minor quirks that only really get annoying over the course of weeks. Honestly, I think if I thought I''d be around forever, I''d try harder to come to terms with them, to work out some kind of compromise. But instead I''m just enjoying every minute that I get with them, and trying to make sure they''re enjoying the time with me. I get that when the curse is gone, and so am I, or at least this version of me is, they''ll just remember this time as me. I really hope Future Me can find those compromises, can use the relationship I''ve built up with each of them during bath times and little moments to help them grow out of their flaws, or into them, or whatever. To be a good parent for them. I just really hope I don''t wind up that particular punch line. You know the one. "Past Me? I hate that bitch."


    So when Saffron was done on the table, Loki handed her to me, and I carried her over to a big pile of blankets and pillows Marie had brought from somewhere. She practically flowed out of my arms onto the makeshift bed like jelly, and when she flopped bonelessly to the ground she first giggled, then waved me down to whisper, "Smite me."


    "Uh..."This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    A big goofy grin stretched her lips, and she giggled, "the Shape, Goof."


    "I... I''m not sure I remember that one? Can you show me?"


    She slipped into my head, and I think she shape she formed might have been more than a little sloppy, but when she pointed it at herself and touched it to her breast, her eyes rolled back in her head then fluttered closed. A contented sigh leaked out of her and she whispered, "thank you."


    I didn''t hear her snoring, or I''d swear she went to sleep.


    Siobhan went next, and I definitely think he took his time with her. Where with Saffron and even myself when I had the angle I''d seen him actually flex, really put some of his Jotnar strength and size behind mauling our big muscles, with her everything was delicate, like he was working with fine china, or lace, or maybe pastry. Yeah, pastry seemed maybe right, the kind that had all kinds of lacy bits. When he finished and she lay there utterly loose, I leaned over and said, "you want me to Smite you too?"


    Her eyes slipped open, and the tiniest bit of eager curled her lips into a smile. "Remember, my Goddess, if I die my final reward is to grace your Bed forevermore."


    "Uh..."


    "Yes, please."


    I shrugged, figured if I could Revive people the risk was minimal what with three Gods in the room, and powered up a Smite.


    Five.


    Huh?


    Five. You. Me. Sigyn. Isnomi. Marie.


    I blinked. Oh. Right. Then I settled my Smite onto Siobhan''s breast, and I almost thought I''d melted her the way she got even looser. A tiny sigh escaped her lips, and her eyes glowed a little as her eyelids fluttered. As gently as I could, I pulled her off the table and carried her over to lay her next to Saffron. Then, while Marie got herself up on the table for Dad to start therapeutically mauling, I got a wild hair up my ass to play dolls with the two of them and, moving them just as slowly and carefully as I''d carried Siobhan over, posed them in a maybe just a little suggestive embrace. Then I got maybe a little worried that I''d crossed some kind of line, right up until Saffron''s voice whispered into my head.


    I can''t kiss her if our lips aren''t touching.


    "Uh..."


    She can''t, and I would be very sad if she didn''t.


    "Okay then." I took a minute to rearrange them just enough that their lips touched, then stepped back.


    Thank you, love, they chorused in my head, the edges of their perceptions teasing at my own.


    Right about then Loki cleared his throat. "Next?"


    I walked over to collect my Maenad, who kinda slithered off the table and drooped around my shoulders like a warm, heavy, purring shawl. "Be right back, Dad."


    I carried her over to the other two, who might have moved, maybe not, but their smiles were pressed together and interlocked. "You two want a blanket?"


    Can''t answer. Lips busy.


    Nope, can''t answer. Blanket would be nice though.


    Siobhan!


    What? It would.


    True.


    "So, you wanna be a blanket?"


    "yes" Marie breathed out so low I could barely hear her.


    "Okay then." As gently as I had moved Siobhan around, I lay Marie down over them. Working off how Dad had manhandled Saffron but been oh so delicate with Siobhan, I put most of Marie''s weight on Saffron, but made sure enough of our Maenad covered both of them that they''d be nice and toasty in the ever so slight chill of the cave.


    Siobhan giggled. When the other two made questioning noises in my brain, she thought, purring.


    Marie just purred louder, and Saffron''s cheeks dimpled a little as she grinned. I Shaped, leaned over, and released a Smite into Marie as I ran my hand down her back. I swear to fuck that it looked almost like she melted over them like cheese melting into chili.


    I walked over, hopped onto Loki''s table, and lay down in front of him. I have no idea how long he worked on me. Hours. Minutes. Days. An eternity. When he finished I lay there completely loose, utterly at peace with the world. He waved his hands a bit, then asked, "Daughter, may I?"


    Didn''t feel like moving my mouth. Huh?


    "I saw the Shape you used on the others. I think I''ve got it right."


    Sure.


    "You''re certain?"


    Trust.


    He lowered his hand, laying his open palm on my belly, and I felt soft, cool, blue light flow outward from the point of contact, relaxing every part of me it hit. "Shall Sigyn carry you over to your partners?"


    I c''n do it... I rolled over.


    I kinda twitched, and he laughed, then called out, "dear, could you?" A moment later Mom lifted me in her arms and carried me to bed, laying me over my cool Ice Pop body pillow, my warm Murder Mittens blanket draping herself over me a moment after I settled.


    Mom pushed my hair back and kissed me on the forehead. "There you go, Daughter. Rest well." Marie made the tiniest whine, and Sigyn chuckled, then did the same for her. Before the other two could react, she followed suit with them as well. "I''ll care for your little ones for as long as you need."


    I lost track of how long we lay there, moving with glacial slowness when we did at all. Our perceptions bled into one another, a slow drift from one to another. Faint smells and tastes. Sea. Smoke. Spice. Mint. Ice Pop might have felt some kinda way about that last for an ephemeral moment before the feeling drifted away like cotton candy melting in my mouth. Dad?


    "Did you need something, Tabitha?"


    Mind if we come back for the kids?


    He laughed, waved Sigyn over, whispered something to her. She laughed as well before saying, "Why do you think I told you what I did?"


    I blinked at that, the whole concept of ''past'' having been leached from me over the past however long it had been. Then I remembered. Smiled. Twitched. Melted into the others where we lay surrounded by a cocoon of kaleidoscope mirrors and softness.


    Dreamt of them laying there in my mouth, forever melting. Karen showed up and laughed softly, pouring Karen shaped amphorae of spiced wine over all of them as they laughed. Weird isn''t always bad.


    Woke utterly unable to move, with Saffron''s voice and Siobhan''s whimpers in my head.


    I have found a problematic side effect of this, love.


    The not being able to move thing?


    Which is not a problem for Goddesses like yourself or Marie.


    I lay there uncomprehending until her perceptions slipped into mine and holy crap I had to piss like a fuckin'' racehorse. Karen, need you, no danger but kinda urgent.


    A moment later she arrived, no Mana Blades out, but in her full regalia. "Yes, My Goddess?"


    Could you maybe take Saffron and Siobhan to the Lancaster House bathroom and help them with the toilet? Temporary paralysis thing.


    Credit where it''s due, I felt her holding her laughter in, but couldn''t detect the slightest hint of it on her face or in her voice. "As My Goddess wishes."


    Just stay loose, ladies. Karen has you. Bring them back when you''re done?


    "As you wish." She shifted them each around carefully, then hefted one of them in each arm. A while later, I''ve no idea how long, she returned with both of them and lay them back where they''d been, tucked in between Marie and I.


    Sorry about that.


    "Whyever for?" She honestly looked confused. "You are my Goddess, and I know you would not call if you did not need me. Honestly? I''m honored that you would trust me so."


    Huh?


    "You... you trust me with your wife, your concubine, both utterly helpless, and with yourself and Maenad Marie, equally helpless. I am humbled by your trust."


    I couldn''t shrug, but I tried to send the emotion her way. Of course I trust you. You''re good people.


    No fuckin'' clue why she got so flabbergasted about that. Totally hopped up on the bed just far enough to grab my hand and kiss it, then get all flustered and bounce away. Like, literally, disappeared mid bounce.


    Spent the rest of the day just lying there, slowly losing our collective paralysis, helping each other to move just a little bit at a time. Some time in the afternoon, Loki pinged me.


    Are you ready for the children?


    Can''t you tell?


    I could look through your eyes, but choose not to, lest I see something I ought not.


    Now you know I''m gonna try to get you to do that, right?


    I think they''re missing you, Daughter.


    "You ladies ready to go home?" When all three made quiet affirmative noises and lay their hands on me, I twitched and we lay in our bed in Lancaster House. Okay, we''re home. I sent him the image of us in our bed. He sighed into my skull, and a moment later we were buried in squealing kids.


    Some days, life is good.

 Day Four Hundred And Eighty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    "The strong do not need Vengeance,


    Because they can get Justice,


    Vengeance is all the weak get."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Vengeance


    Yeah, maybe that''ll convince some less capable than my Kitten dictator in the future to avoid taking the existence of his micropenis out on people who didn''t give him extra sauce packs at the local fast food joint. Probably not, what with them probably not reading my Holy Book in the first place, but I am apparently a Goddess of Vengeance, so anybody doing a Vengeance ought to at least read the instruction manual first, right?


    Yeah, fuck off, it makes me feel better to do my due diligence. That way when somebody inevitably comes at me all ''omigod, Fuckface McGee killed my whole family screaming "Vengeance for my cow", how could you let him do that'', I can remind them that I''m not really omnipotent in a mid-range granularity, I''m sure as fuck not omniscient, and I''ve put down in writing my thoughts on when Vengeance is appropriate and when it''s not. I mean, look, if Karen Leatherface the Vengeance Victim''s family all participated in the murder and subsequent consumption of Bullguy Notaminotaurthatsracist''s wife, fuck it, I think I''m on his side. But otherwise, the family killer clearly didn''t follow the instructions I put down in black and white, so even if it turns out he was absolutely justified in coming at Karen, the worst I''m gonna do is Revive her family, off her, and ask Hades to toss her and the dipshit who didn''t pay attention into the same cell in Tartarus for a few centuries.


    Because seriously, there are times when I think Vengeance is justified, and most of them deserve at least a short stay in super max security. Like, somebody who legitimately hurt somebody else by accident probably doesn''t deserve it. Unless they''ve got a pattern of doing shit carelessly and having it hurt people, in which case it''s not so much ''accident'' as ''depraved indifference'' or maybe ''criminal negligence''. Which brings us right back to ''you done fucked up, Ay-Ay-Ron'' territory. While I totally get that someone doing the kind of shit that will throw a body into ''Vengeance or death'' mode is gonna fuck with their ability to strike with any kind of surgical precision, that doesn''t excuse hurting nominally innocent people just because they happen to live near some asshole who deserves it.


    So after two days of straight relaxation, albeit with a quick break for station identification for our two members with functioning bladders and colons, my ladies and I had a half dozen squealing kids dropped on us. Unfortunately, they belonged to us, so we couldn''t really protest. Seriously, though, it surprised me how much I''d missed seeing them. You''d think thirty six odd hours wasn''t that long, and frankly during that time my ladies and I kept ourselves so thoroughly distracted that even if we hadn''t been in a state of zero thought for most of it, we might not have noticed. I mean, eventually, sure, but distractions are distracting. But the moment a half dozen Lokis yeeted our horde of kids atop us, I just could not get enough of them snuggling in around us. Luckily the bed at Lancaster House is big, and Saffron and Siobhan are both little. Like, I think Maze might have had another bit of a growth spurt, because I''m pretty sure if we put the boots from Saffron''s dress on her, she''d be taller than Saffron in stocking feet.


    That... got to me a little. If we managed to get shit straightened out, then I, and I mean this me, would never get to see them grow up. That would all be Future Me. Definitely made me feel some kinda way. But I''m pretty sure that when it comes down to it, she''s a better mom than me. I mean, I''m doing the best that I can, but she''s spent more time with them, lived through things with them, lived through shit I didn''t even without them. She''s got to be more mature than me by now, and that''s what being a mom is about. Yeah, I can play with them and shit, but at the end of the day I''m just a big little kid. Also, not to put too fine a point on it, this world doesn''t seem exactly safe, and while I think I''ve gotten myself back to the point where I can throw down if I have to, I''m at the point of ''make someone regret hurting my kids'' dangerous, not ''make someone shit themselves twice then commit seppuku by suggesting they might have inadvertently threatened my kids'' dangerous. ''Win a fight against a world class badass'' level badass, not ''make a City surrender rather than fight me'' badass.


    I''ve got this really awful premonition that one or more of my kids is gonna need that level of badass at some point in the near future.


    But for right now, all I can do is spend as much time with them as I can. So the ten of us engaged in much tickling and raspberries and other shit I remember making me feel all warm and fuzzy when my mom did it with me. Even Siobhan joined in, although I think that happened as much because Maze and Menace refused to let her not join in than anything else. As the women trickled in before bath time, I leaned over to Saffron and said, "our bed in the new place is gonna be this big, right?"


    "Of course not," she replied, frowning. Before I could say anything about that, she continued with, "much larger. After all, it''s become clear that we''ll wind up with far more than these six, and I doubt they''ll want to sleep on their own until they''re old enough to want some privacy." Then she made me grin and Siobhan blush when she thought, and when we decide we''ve had enough for the time being, and they''re all in their own space, and we have privacy, I intend us to engage in the kind of intimate acrobatics our boudoir is far too small to contain.


    The images she sent along with that left Marie and I grinning and Siobhan blushing all the way through bath time. The kids were a little rammy going in, but after a warm bath and bellies full of warm bisque, they were all ready to snuggle in around us when we got back to our rooms. Of course Marie and three of the other Maenads kinda dismantled the bed, carrying the frame into a corner, then putting the mattress right in the middle of the room. I think Siobhan felt a little bit overwhelmed when everybody including her tried to make Saffron and I the middle of the pile of sleepy bodies, and I plonked her down between Saffron and I instead.


    Of course Saffron grinned at me from behind Siobhan''s head and thought, letting your Concubine come between us already?


    I snorted quietly. Oh, please. There are kids in the room, ain''t nobody coming tonight. What I''m doing is sharing my favorite body pillow with you. Every part of her is always the cool side!


    As we snuggled around her while she squeaked and blushed, I whispered, "and putting our precious fragile little Ice Pop safe in the middle where she belongs."


    Of course right about then Marie draped an arm over all of us, her fingernails dangling against my back. At which point Saffron thought, wait. Why am I in the middle as well?


    Because you''re little and precious and adorable and I don''t want anything ever hurting you or leaving you all scarred up like me.


    I felt her about to reply, but Marie shut us both down by saying, "More."


    Saffron, being the bright one of any group she''s in, got it first. Can you sleep while making sure they don''t fade, lovely Marie?


    Whether she could or not, I watched her clamp her mouth down around the juncture between Saffron''s neck and shoulder, covering up the four circular scars as she did. Saffron shuddered before a look of sublime bliss spread across her face. Then she started snoring.Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.


    "Forgive me," whispered Siobhan.


    "Why?" I murmured back.


    "A good Concubine ought not be envious of her sister, or especially of her Mistress."


    "Damn. Now I wish I had a set of teeth like Marie to indulge you."


    Marie chuckle-purred and thought, Mimic.


    I wasn''t quite sure what she meant, but some instinct guided me, I focused on her arm laying across me and... Mimicked Marie. Totally fuckin'' weird how everything shifted. Everybody got littler, and the weird black and white wireframe of the world suddenly had color, the people in the room glowing in the darkness. Body heat, at a guess, since Siobhan glowed a little less than everybody else. Siobhan?


    She opened her eyes, which got really wide. Goddess? Tabitha?


    I grinned down at her, and looked at the smooth, unmarked skin at the juncture of her neck and shoulder. Because she was lying face to face with Saffron, and Marie apparently liked one side over the other. You mind me putting a matching set on your unmarked side?


    Her breath got the tiniest bit ragged. She pulled a corner of a blanket to her face and gripped it with her teeth. Please?


    I''m... I don''t want to hurt you.


    She whined into the blanket. Please, Tabitha. She paused, as if she wanted to say something else, but just repeated her quiet whine and, please.


    Okay. Marie? Little help?


    My marvelous Maenad knew exactly what I wanted. She slipped into me, lowering my mouth into position and sliding my fangs into Siobhan''s shoulder. A moment of tension, the tiniest whine, and her mouth slipped open, drooling just a little onto the blanket as her eyes fluttered closed. Luckily she definitely fell firmly into the ''it''s okay to drool if you''re hot enough'' category. Marie slipped out of my brain, at least as much as my ladies ever did, and we lay there, locked to our tiny partners, until we too drifted off.


    Dreamt of the ladies all doing the backstroke through my maw. Melting endlessly, leaving me hoping that I was at least as hot as Siobhan, because I was absolutely drooling over that. Again, weird as fuck, but not bad, because all of them made happy content noises all night long.


    Woke to Saffron''s voice in my brain. You will, of course, be doing that to me tonight, you realize.


    Kinda wish I could get this dentition as, y''know, me. At her questioning look, I thought, it''s weird, but I can sorta feel fur in between Siobhan and I. I grinned with my eyes. I don''t want anything between us when I''m... claiming you.


    I''ll show you how to do that, shot into my head all as one word. A moment later, Saffron sighed and quietly said, "ladies? Children? It''s time to get up and be about our day."


    I decided it was a better idea to disengage before de-Marie-ing myself. It took me a moment to unlock my jaw, and when I did it came free of her with a sort of pop. Siobhan''s eyes shot open and she let out a strangled kind of squeal, quickly silenced, before she whispered, "sorry!"


    "Hey, no worries. I''m a little clumsy with these. Speaking of," I undid whatever I''d done to Mimic Marie, and kissed her on the forehead. "Make sure you take care of that. I could Heal it for you?"


    "No!" she squealed, hunching her shoulders and burrowing into me. "I''m sorry. It''s not that. Just... after, ah, wallowing in terror all night, it was... sudden."


    I blinked at that. "Oh, shit. You... do you have the same kinds of dreams I do too?"


    "We all do, love." A moment later Saffron hissed as Marie slipped her mouth away, then ran her tongue over the punctured scars. "All your Clergy are honored to commune with you as we sleep."


    "All?"


    She nodded. "Even our sisters and brothers who are not High Clergy may do so, should they be sufficiently devout. I''m sure you''ve seen others in those dreams at times?"


    That rang a bell, but I couldn''t think of a particular instance. "Uh. But what about Siobhan being scared?"


    Ice Pop herself blushed fiercely, but didn''t say anything. Saffron just chuckled, nuzzled her a little, and said, "oh, she loves it."


    I opened my mouth to argue, but Siobhan nodded her head against my chest. "Really?"


    Maybe a little too much for, ah, outside the Bed room.


    "Really?" I sounded like an idiot asking again, but she just grinned into my chest and nodded again. I shrugged. "Okay, I guess. No kink shaming here."


    "Of course not. However, it is time for us to get up."


    Can''t, thought Siobhan, sounding incredibly self-satisfied, probably because reasons.


    "And why can''t you?" asked Saffron, one eyebrow arching.


    Mistresses have me pinned. Can''t move. So sad. Imprisoned forever by my mistresses'' bountiful bosoms. Woe is me. Mourn poor Siobhan, doomed to never move again. I''d never heard anyone say those words with that little actual woe in their voice before. I''d also never heard anyone squeak quite like that when hugged before either, which Siobhan did when Saffron reached to put her arms around me and hugged me with Siobhan in between us. Beloved Mistresses, should you hold me like this much longer, my Soul will await you in your boudoir.


    Saffron laughed, let go of me, then slapped Siobhan on the ass as she rolled to her feet. "You, little Concubine, are getting very mouthy."


    "Hey!" Siobhan laughed as she rolled away from me and pushed herself to sit up. "Little? I''m taller than you."


    Saffron gave her an arch look and said, "only without my boots. And before you go on about how you have a pair, which you will absolutely be wearing later while making better use of that wonderfully mouthy mouth of yours, I meant ''little'' as in ''little concubine'' to distinguish you from the big one."


    Marie cocked her head, arms akimbo, and said, "Fianc¨¦?"


    To which Saffron replied by folding her arms under her breasts, closing her eyes and tilting her head back before saying, "only half. You haven''t asked me yet."


    Marie disappeared, her voice in our heads asking, Mad?


    A little, yes.


    Sad?


    I... am I weak because I am?


    Marie knelt before Saffron, set of fingernails holding Kitten''s left hand. "No." Saffron blinked, clearly not expecting Marie''s voice to come from below her, and when she looked down her hands dropped. Marie caught one, held a platinum ring decorated with onyx and opal just beyond the tip of Saffron''s ring finger. I swear I saw every muscle on Saffron''s body flex through her adorable coating of squish, trying to push her finger into that ring. Marie''s grin got wider by the second, and her tongue might have lolled out just the tiniest bit when Saffron grabbed Marie''s hand holding the ring with her right and tried to force it to move.


    Finally she sagged, her right hand dropped away. "Do you intend to tease me, big Concubine?"


    "No." Then she brushed her lips across Saffron''s left hand, where a blood red band already held a ruby surrounded by onyx and diamonds. When she looked up into Saffron''s eyes, her own sparkled. "Betroth?"


    Saffron''s grin might have matched Marie''s for sheer toothiness at that point. "I could complain that Tabitha had to chase me down, but you thought about that already, didn''t you?"


    "Yes."


    Saffron smirked. "Yes."


    "Yes?"


    Saffron''s smirk melted back into that radiant grin. "Yes."


    "Yes!" Marie growled out, sliding the ring inexorably onto Saffron''s quivering finger. The moment the new ring touched the one already on her finger, the two seemed to intertwine, locking into place on her finger. Then my view got obscured by Marie''s admittedly perfectly ogleable ass as she lunged upward to scoop Saffron up and kiss her. The room filled with quiet sounds of glee from the kids and women surrounding us. Okay, maybe a few disgusted little kid sounds from Alex.


    Siobhan sighed as she flopped back over to pillow her head on my belly. "So I guess I''m the only Concubine now?"


    "I mean, if you want somebody to call you ''little Concubine'', technically I haven''t put a ring on Marie yet."


    Siobhan snickered, snorted, then started laughing. "What?" A few moments later, Saffron and Marie started chuckling too much to maintain their liplock. "What? Seriously, what?"


    Marie and Saffron twirled around and knelt, scooping Siobhan and I up into a hug that felt too nice for me to stay annoyed. "Oh, love. You''ve mocked me playfully for rushing, and I must admit, it is my nature, when I see something I want that I think I will be allowed to have, to keep? To leap for it with both hands. But you?" She broke into giggles again, and Siobhan started laughing along with her.


    Before I could complain, Marie said, "Slow."


    A little worried, I asked, "I''m not... I''m not too slow, am I? I''m not hurting you?"


    "Agonizing." declared Marie.


    This time Siobhan interrupted my response. "And we wouldn''t have it any other way."

 Day Four Hundred And Ninety

    Dear Diary,


    "If only Vengeance remains,


    Focus all of your efforts,


    On those most responsible."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Vengeance


    Yeah, I think that''s pretty clear. I hope. Shit, I can''t even start to ask myself ''can that be misinterpreted'', because you can''t make shit foolproof. The universe will take that as an excuse to make a bigger fool. Sure, I guess I can go around stomping assholes who misinterpret my Holy Text, but that kinda misses the point. My whole purpose here in writing this shit is to maybe encourage people to make the world a better place.


    That''s a little rough to do when on the topic of ''Vengeance'', but I''m still gonna fuckin'' try. Just because the difficulty level is stupid high isn''t a reason to throw the controller and punch a wall. That shit''s just proof positive of a skill issue. So I just gotta buckle down and try to make it clear that as a Deity of Vengeance, I''m not gonna be supporting assholes who think loss of privilege deserves Vengeance, and try and get the folks who really are in situations where Vengeance is justified to focus their efforts on taking out the dipshits who are sure as shit gonna put other people in that position.


    So I spent a bunch of time talking about Vengeance being all about punching up, now I gotta make sure folks understand that spraying hate every fucking direction isn''t Vengeance, that''s just a goddamned tantrum. Maybe if I can get folks thinking that way, instead of every goon stepping in front of the John Wicks of the world, they''ll all recognize that Vengeance flag and step aside, recognizing that their boss crossed a line. I mean, shit, yeah, some of them will be hired specifically to protect them against that, but that''s where maybe I ought to step in. Like, ''yeah, if Vengeance is Justified to my satisfaction, I''ll be there to help you out''. Which means the price for an entitled asshole to protect themselves from righteous retribution is gonna skyrocket pretty quick up to ''more than anybody has''.


    Yeah, I know. That requires people to think consequences could happen to them, and requires entitled assholes to learn. Neither one of those is super common, but a girl can dream, can''t she?


    So yesterday we put in another hard day''s work at the Homestead. I added another two stories to the tower after a morning cutting caves and forming stone. I guess they''re not really ''caves'', they''re ''rooms'' in our new place. Still think it''s cool that heating up the top of the tower pulls cool air through the whole fuckin'' structure. Like, I doubt anybody''s gonna be putting out the kind of heat I am on a regular basis, because we don''t want the top of the tower actually melting, but even if we just keep, like, a signal fire up at the top or something, it ought to be able to pull some air up the tower, and that''s gotta come from somewhere, right?


    Which... now makes me realize that most of our underground construction isn''t just watertight at this point. It''s airtight. I''m really wondering if I need to make sure Kitten puts ventilation shafts in or something. Then again, she''s the smart one, and I think she deliberately engineered it this way. So I''m sure she''s thought of it, right?


    Got home, got everybody through the bath, and while drying Devorah she leaned in and said, "I found some honey today, Champion."


    "Isn''t it too cold for you to disturb the bees?"


    She shrugged. "Something had already raided the hive and driven the bees off. All that remained was some comb with a few lone bees trying to scavenge it. I brought them back with the comb, but they flew off after I put the comb in a box."


    Something about that did not sit right with me, but I couldn''t think why. So instead of mentioning it I just asked, "so. When''s that mead gonna be ready?"


    She just giggled. "I don''t think a few glasses will be enough to slake your thirst, let alone get you drunk enough to succumb to me."


    At that point, with her wrapped up to keep her hands from wandering, I spun her around, mentally poked the other three to get them to look our way, and whispered, "I dunno. Ask them, I''m really thirsty most of the time, but it''s still pretty easy to get me to come to them."


    I counted it as a complete win when Marie, Saffron, and Siobhan all grinned at the two of us, and Devorah squeaked like I''d goosed her. Which I hadn''t. But I absolutely know that''s how she squeaks when she''s goosed, because I kinda did exactly that when I gave her a shove on the butt to send her toward Marie. Look, I''m tryna be a good wife and partner, but she''s been flirting with me since the first day I met her, and my wife and partners have done nothing but encourage me. Okay, there''s that whole ''after'' dealio, but that''s just timing. Also, given the grins, I''m pretty sure I earned some Happy Partner Points with my Devorah demonstration.


    Don''t know whether I earned more or turned those in when we got to bed and Saffron rearranged us, snuggling her butt into me, lying face to face with Siobhan, with Marie on the far side from her. "May I, love?"


    I had no idea what she meant, but she''s my Kitten. What else was I gonna say but, "sure."


    I felt her slip into my head, and then my teeth and jaw kinda writhed. Not exactly painfully, but definitely a weird sensation while it lasted, and at the end of it, when I ran my suddenly larger feeling tongue across my teeth, they were all a lot pointier than I remembered, especially two fangs on each side, right where my canines would be. She slipped back out of my head, and in front of me she leaned her head to the side, baring her neck to me. I sat there staring, maybe even drooling a little bit as I tried to reconcile ''love my little Kitten'' and ''so want to mark her'' and ''take a bite, she''s full of soup''. At some point those dreams are definitely gonna get me in trouble. Finally she said, "Goof? I''m waiting. Go ahead."


    I decided right there on ''mark'', because I couldn''t keep myself to ''nothing'', and ''soup'' didn''t seem like a healthy option. "Marie? Little help?"


    Marie held up one outrageously manicured nail, snugged a grinning Siobhan to her front, closed her eyes, and leaned her head down to clamp her mouth around those four distinctive circle shaped scars the three of us all shared. A moment after both of them went still, she slipped into my mind and leaned me forward, carefully setting my jaws, my fangs, against Saffron''s neck before slowly pushing them in. I tasted more blood than I remembered from the night before. Oh, shit.


    Saffron joined us in my head. Be at peace, love. Your mouth is a little smaller than hers. She''s feeling things out.


    I don''t want to hurt you!


    You don''t want to mark me like this? To leave very distinctive, private scars that anyone intimate with me will see, from now to the day I pass from this world, letting them know I am yours, just like the scar on your shoulder shows anyone I share you with that you are mine?


    The what on my what now? Wait, never mind, I don''t want you bleeding out in my mouth.


    Then why are you licking me?


    I froze as her laugher rang in my head, and her purr vibrated my teeth where they rested against her clavicle. Fuck.


    Not now, unless you really need that. I want this tonight, if my Goddess will allow it?


    Shit, if I didn''t want it, I wouldn''t be licking you. But like I said, I don''t want you bleeding out. Dead Mom in the morning is not what I want for our kids, y''know?


    She reached down and lay one hand on my thigh. I''m tougher than Siobhan, love. I am a Hero of Phileo. So long as you don''t decide to savage me, to feast your fill on my flesh, these wounds will close long before I''m in any danger.


    I tried to ignore how the taste of blood made those words seem less horrifying. I definitely tried to pretend I wasn''t salivating, even as I had to swallow to keep from drooling. And if I do? I whispered, even inside the privacy of my own head.


    Then Siobhan will just have to Revive me before you move your mouth.


    Wouldn''t it hurt though?


    Oh, it definitely would. I''d really rather you didn''t. But at the same time? It would be so incredibly titillating. In fact, if you absolutely cannot help yourself? Please take us to our private room before you do, and take me as you do. I''d hate to think I''d give up the Imperator''s seat without at least a pleasant memory to show for it.


    Fuck. Dark much, Kitten?


    Her grin stretched the skin of her neck against my lips. As dark as you''ll allow me to be, love.


    Yeah, the darkest I let her get was bleeding a bit more than she absolutely had to, because I couldn''t entirely resist licking her neck. She purred harder every time I did it. Eventually we both fell asleep like that.


    Dreamt... yeah, shit got weirder than usual. I have no idea where Saffron got a bungee cord to bounce her way in and out of my maw, dissolving and reforming each time. Marie dipping Siobhan in and pulling her out was equally disturbing and appetizing, but Siobhan doing the same in turn to Marie made no fuckin'' sense. Of course, Karen throwing water balloons full of tabasco at everybody fucking around in my mouth was absolutely freaky, since I don''t even really like tabasco. I''m more of a sriracha girl at heart.The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    Woke in the morning to a still purring, still sleeping Saffron nestled into me, her forehead pressed against Siobhan''s until their lips nearly touched, which left Marie''s forehead pressed to mine. You awake?


    Yes. Count on Marie to be awake before all of us.


    Is it better to let go fast or slow?


    That got an audible growling purr of a laugh from her; her reply came a second later. Slow is stealthy. Fast is shocking.


    Will it hurt her? She shook her head the tiniest bit, prompting Siobhan to whine and blush without waking. I grinned in reply. Advice?


    Close, then open, then pull. Watch them.


    On three? A nod even tinier than her headshake got another whimper and the tiniest bit of squirming. One, two, three.


    As one we bore down just a tiny bit, then opened our jaws wide before pulling away, all in one smooth, fast motion. Saffron''s quiet groan as I closed my jaws got eclipsed by her gasp as I yanked my fangs free, and I realized the wisdom of pulling away as she bolted upright, blinking and squeaking in unison with Siobhan.


    After a solid ten count of her blinking, cross eyed, trying to orient herself, she hissed out, "Tabitha! What the fuck?"


    I couldn''t help it, I snickered, then as her lips drew down, I swallowed, savoring the taste of her, then said, "her idea!" Then, guiltily, I slurred out, "totally my decision though." I undid whatever she''d done to my mouth and asked, "I didn''t hurt you, did I?"


    She opened her mouth to snap a reply, then paused, one hand going to her neck. "No. No, you didn''t, but... it felt almost like you''d slid an icicle into each of those punctures. Not easy to describe, and definitely not something I want to repeat as a wake up."


    I grinned at her, guilty but enjoying her general sudden perkiness way too much to be as guilty as I ought to be. "What about what we were talking about last night?"


    She glowered at me, but even I could tell it wasn''t entirely real. "Mentioning that is going on the ledger."


    "But what about doing it though?"


    She grinned at me, then leaned over to kiss me, her tongue darting in as she evidently wanted to taste herself in my mouth. Oh, it''s going on the ledger whether you do that or not.


    So I might as well?


    She grinned against my lips. Oh, it will go on the ledger if you do that.


    So I shouldn''t?


    Her grin got wider Oh, failing to do that will definitely go on the ledger. With prejudice.


    My grin spread to match hers even as our tongues tangoed. Sounds like I''m fucked no matter what I do.


    Yes, exactly! Literally, in case you hadn''t realized.


    I smirked into her grin. I can''t tell if I should be turned on or terrified.


    Yes, exactly!


    My smirk melted. I love you, Kitten.


    Yes, exactly! I laughed, totally losing focus on the kiss. Saffron pulled away just far enough to whisper, "and I love you, Goof."


    We sat there, just leaning against one another, while everybody else got ready. Insta-dressing Mana hijinks for the win. Breakfast was endless waffles, with little cornbread discs on the side. With everybody doing a lot of hard manual labor working at turning the Homestead into something that could, conceivably, be lived in, everybody was burning a lot of calories on the daily, so everybody going along was definitely loading up on carbs. The little ones whined about wanting to join us, but I put my foot down, and both Saffron and Marie backed me. We did not need kids running around what was still a heavy construction zone. We mollified them by telling them that once we had the big construction done, basically all the rooms cut out and the walls in place, they come help us build furniture and make carpets and, y''know, turn our four big buildings into actual houses and homes.


    With that in mind, Saffron had us focus, for the moment, on the ''Main House''. The one at the eastern end of the valley, opposite the tower, which stuck out the furthest from the natural wall of the valley. It also had what felt like the biggest ''rooms'', not to mention being a story taller than either of the others. Hell, with how that end of the valley was higher than the other by a bit, I think the top floor was nearly as tall as the tower we''d been building. Of course, that was before we added another two stories to the tower today.


    While most of the Maenads focused on moving and placing stone, and most of the women had started felling trees and pulling logs up to the buildings, Devorah headed out exploring again. Mittens, can you make sure one of your sisters stays with her?


    Marie shrugged, walked over to one of her sisters, and after a moment that Maenad loped off after Devorah.


    I spent the rest of the day cutting and melting. Slabs and tower walls. Even, at one point, a kind of oddly shaped basement for the tower itself. Not oddly shaped in the sense of not being round, but oddly shaped in the sense of the floor being the not at all level rock underlying the soil of the valley. That one took it out of me, and I didn''t realize why until I twigged to the fact that Saffron had plugged the Filtration Wards holding the molten rock in place into my Mana, and those same Filtration Wards were, in fact, holding up the tower until the thick foundation ring cooled.


    As I sat on the hill catching my breath, Saffron walked over, sat down next to me, and said, "sorry about that, love. When we dug the initial pit, I didn''t realize how close to bedrock we''d come, or I would have had you do that first."


    I shrugged, then quietly muttered, "no worries. Kinda wish I could get one of my big tentacles in here to hold the tower up while it cools though."


    "It shouldn''t really be any easier than what you''re doing now. Also, I''m not sure the tower will hold up to being pulled upward."


    "Well. Fuck. No worries, Kitten. Just a bit of an oof."


    She tilted her head. "Have you tried Co-Locating to M-Space and tapping into your Mana there? It''s helped before."


    I shrugged and tried it. Felt a little weird, channeling Mana from myself to myself, then handing it off to myself sitting on the hill, but she was right, it took the effort from being exhausting to just... heavy. "Thanks, Kitten."


    Then, faint with distance, I heard a scream. Then the unmistakable sound of a big cat''s roar. I leapt to my feet, and the scream cut off with terrifying suddenness. I didn''t think, I leapt toward the ongoing roar. On my fourth Translocating leap, the roar cut off with a squeal of pain, then cut back in, but ragged. I leapt again, and landed looking over a low ridge into another valley. A few small trees had been knocked over, clearly by the biggest fuckin'' bear I''d ever seen, like, city bus big, which stood on its hindpaws looming over a bloodied Maenad.


    I leapt, Translocating and screaming as Mana Blades slid out of my wrists. I scissored them into the back of the thing''s neck. I growled when they didn''t so much decapitate it as dig four-inch-deep furrows into each side of its neck. As it let out a grunting roar and its paws reached back for me, I Co-Located next to the Maenad, grabbed her, and Translocated away from the thing while the me on its back slid down its spine. When I hit that sweet spot where you could stick a post-it on a bodybuilder and they weren''t getting it off without phoning a friend, I Mimicked Murder Mittens'' maw and sank my fangs in. With that holding me in place, I shortened and narrowed my Mana Blades just a bit and went to town stabbing the big fucker.


    Meanwhile the Maenad I''d rescued grabbed me, shoved me toward the devastated trees, and pointed. I Translocated and almost vomited when I saw Devorah. Her eyes staring vacantly. Her head and limbs barely connected to her torso. Blood splattered everywhere. She''d been swatted like a bug.


    I almost vomited. Instead the me on Big Bear''s back Co-Located. Then both of them did it again. And again. Each time I grabbed on in another spot and started stabbing. It hooked one of me with a paw, brought me around to its mouth. I leapt through its gaping fangs, landing with my belly on the thing''s tongue and continued stab-a-thon whatever fuckin'' year this was. It closed its mouth, tongue trying to work me between its molars, and I got a bright idea. Mana Blades erupted from every inch of me, then started extending and retracting at random across my whole fuckin'' surface.


    Meanwhile the me standing over Devorah thought, Siobhan.


    She caught my urgency in despite my efforts to keep it from my thoughts. Coming!


    NO! I felt her trying to move to me. I had no idea how I did it, but I stopped her, Co-Locating, catching her mid-Translocation, and carrying her to that endless field of undulating tentacles.


    "It''s not safe there. I need you to use me to Revive someone."


    I have no idea why my partners trust me so much. Especially Siobhan. She didn''t ask. She just slipped into my mind, wincing and even clenching her jaw and keening as Big Bear managed to fling one of me off and skewer me on a tree branch. She looked down at Devorah, quickly pulled a few foreign objects I hadn''t even noticed out of her, then Shaped. I concentrated on her as she pulled maybe more fuckin'' Mana than I was using to hold up our house''s fuckin'' tower. Then she lay her hand on Devorah''s temple and whispered, "Revive."


    Mana wrapped around the corpse, sealed its cuts, made its wounds whole, then reached out to elsewhere, to M-Space, and dragged something back. Back to the valley where I still fought the bear.


    Back away from the Maw it had inevitably slid toward.


    Devorah sat up, gasping and screaming. I grabbed her shoulder and Translocated us both back to the Homestead. "Marie!" I shoved Devorah toward Saffron, grabbed Marie by the hand and pulled her out of the line of Maenads surrounding both openings into our little valley, and leapt back to the fight with the bear. Moments later the bloody Maenad was gone, and a dozen Maries tore at the thing not unlike I''d been doing.


    Love, are any of you on its head?


    Little busy, Kitten. One of me in its mouth, one right between its ears?


    Ah. Move those two elsewhere, please?


    I didn''t ask. My ladies trusted me, I trusted them. The me unsuccessfully attempting to stab it in the brain and the me cosplaying as a lightsaber flavored throat lozenge both leapt away from the bear in opposite directions, trying to get a good look at the thing. Smoking holes covered it everywhere, but my Mana Blades cauterized well enough that it wasn''t really bleeding. Bald patches covered everything from the hips down, and as I watched a Marie leapt up, sank her nails into its fur, into its flesh, and straight up ripped a sweater sized hunk of skin and fur off of the thing. A little blood leaked, but not nearly enough to put the fucker down in anything like a reasonable amount of time.


    A sudden blue flash lit the evening sky, and Big Bear''s head wasn''t. Straight up gone. I screamed out, "TIMBER!" as I collapsed all of me back into the mes watching, and all but one Marie leapt away. That one leapt straight up to grab at Kaiju Smokey''s gaping neck hole and scream into it as she rode it into the ground. I stepped to her as the bear''s impact with the ground sent her tumbling away. "Feel better?"


    "Yes."


    A moment later Saffron stood there, a crossbow with beautiful deep blue enamel in her hands. I have no idea why I thought the crossbow looked smug. Inanimate objects shouldn''t be able to look any kind of way, let alone smug. "Is anyone injured?"


    I collapsed back into one of me, felt Marie doing the same. "I''ll live," I groaned out. "Fuckin'' ow."


    Saffron hopped up to plant a quick kiss on my lips, then dropped back. "Marie, you really need to convince her to duck now and then."


    "Worried I''m gonna get too scarred up for you to get it on with?"


    She snorted. "Of course not. Worried you''ll feel ''some kind of way'' when you get a goofy looking scar in a prominent place and I can''t stop laughing while we''re having sex." While I decided whether I hurt too much to laugh at that, she turned to Marie. "Butcher this, please. Bones and hide to the Homestead, meat to Lancaster House. Oh, deliver a few prime cuts to Karen; they''ll make good gifts to the Overlord, I think."


    I flopped over to lie on the ground as Marie multiplied and started in on the thing with her claws. "Bear meat any good?"


    Saffron shrugged. "I''ve never tried it. But I''m sure Marie knows how best to prepare it. Besides, there''s the best spice of all already added to it."


    "What''s that?"


    "We''re the ones eating it."

 Day Four Hundred And Ninety-One

    Dear Diary,


    "Whenever you seek Vengeance,


    Do not target innocents,


    That is not Righteous Vengeance."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Vengeance


    Yeah, maybe I should have used the word ''Righteous'' earlier in this Book. Because some stuff that gets labeled Vengeance might well be Vengeance, but it''s not the kind of Vengeance I want to get credit for, and not the kind I''m going to support. Like, killing off a dictator''s little kids because the dictator killed yours. Yeah, I get where that looks balanced, but in the end it''s just gonna wind up with one more argument assholes use to excuse targeting little kids, like that shit is ever acceptable. Fuck, I know I''m significantly more durable than any human shaped, human sized object has any right to be, so I''m coming at this from a weird angle, but if some little kid has been brainwashed enough to attack me, even if they''re the kid of somebody that hurt my family I really hope I keep my shit together well enough to gently disarm them and put them in time out until I can figure out what to do.


    I mean, shit, from what I''ve been told Maze genuinely tried to kill me. Wanted to kill me. At the end of the day, went looking for the biggest, meanest, bitchiest badass she could to do unto me for her. Which happened to be me, but my point still stands, I''m not gonna off some little kid just because they got roped into a conflict they had no business joining in the first place. I mean, shit, if anything, she''s like, the exemplar of Righteous Vengeance. I killed both of her parents, and she came directly after me. No bullshit about threatening Menace, or Saffron, or even any of the other kids we''d taken in. Just laser like focus on who she saw as the architect of her misery.


    Makes it really weird that now she''s basically attached to me at the hip whenever she can be. Which made it even less happy making that we had to leave the kids behind today. I absolutely did not want any of our little ones going through the kind of trauma that Devorah had.


    Speaking of, at bath time she didn''t flirt with Saffron once. Just stood, knelt, and sat in the tub as Saffron directed her. When Saffron rinsed her and sent her to me, she trudged over, eyes vacant, staring at my chest, and not in a ''checking out my naked nips'' kind of way. I pulled a towel out from the stack, wrapped it around her hair in a little turban, then pulled another and wrapped it around her before pulling her into a hug. She just kind of folded into my arms, quiet sobs shaking her.


    Eventually she stilled. Quieted. Murmured, "thank you, Champion. For rescuing me."


    I shrugged. "Wish I could have gotten there faster. But that''s what I do. Whether I''m there early, on time, or late, I come for my people."


    I realized right then how bad off she was when she didn''t even reply to my slow pitched innuendo. Instead she half sobbed, "I... I thought. I thought I was dead. Then you... you were there."


    I''m not sure why I felt like I had to correct her, but my mouth moved before I could think. "You were." She just blinked owlishly up at me. "Dead. We Revived you."


    "But... but..."


    I rubbed my hands around her back, drying her off as I comforted her. "Just another part of me coming for you. Even if it''s not ''after'' yet."


    She just kind of worked her mouth at me for an endless moment, tears filling her eyes, until she whispered, "who?"


    "Sister Siobhan." Her head snapped around to where Siobhan waited near the tub, helping Anna disrobe while Saffron cleaned Chloe. "Well, me, but Sister Siobhan kinda held my hands, showed me how to do it."


    Devorah''s gaze snapped back to mine, her head shaking. "No, no, no, I mean who... who... who did you sacrifice for... for me?"


    It was my turn to be taken aback. I''d long since forgotten about the fact that for any Mortal Mage, Shaping a Revive took more Mana than they had, and typically Healers powered it by sacrificing someone else''s Soul. Or I guess maybe tearing a little bit out of multiple people''s Souls. My left arm ached for some reason, but I gave no shits about that as I placed my hands on either side of her face. "I don''t sacrifice people for that, Devorah. I powered it. Me."


    Her gaze roamed over me, as if looking for missing pieces or something. "But... you''re..."


    I gave her my best wry smile. "A Goddess. Did you forget?"


    The color drained out of her face, and I realized right then that she might not really have connected those particular dots yet. Or maybe she had, but with me being just dumbass muscle mommy Tabitha, it hadn''t really been real to her. She dropped to her knees in front of me, her face turning toward the floor. "Forgive my impertinence, Lady."


    I slipped my hands under her armpits, lifted her to her feet, then held her with one hand while the other tipped her chin back until she looked me in the eye again. "Devorah?"


    She stared at my chin. "What would you have of me, Goddess?"


    I snapped my fingers once between us, getting her to look me in the eyes again. "For one, look at me. I have no idea where this is coming from, but... You really want to know what I want?" She nodded, eyes wide. "I want you to make the best mead you''ve ever made, get me drunk off my ass, and have your way with me." Her mouth opened, but I drove over her, trying to forestall another round of her acting like I was... Like I was one of the Gods I''d read about back in that mythology brick at Eastside, the ones that treated rape and murder as party games. Fuck. "I kinda sorta want you to do the same with my partners, although you''ve got yourself a serious challenge with Marie. Then again, part of me kinda wants you all to myself. Maybe. A little." Saffron chuckled inside my head, and I shot her a look. "Hey, you said it yourself, I''m into MILFs."


    "Ah, I, but..."


    I grinned at her, happy she''d lost her initial lack of volition, but hoping I could keep her from going all ''your devoted servant'' and shit. I mean, yeah, Saffron and Marie and Siobhan and I played at that, but all three of them knew I''m just some kinda fuckin'' she-himbo who got lucky in the Isekai lotto, not an actual Divine being or some shit like that. Ignoring the laughter and denials in my head as I thought that, I ran one finger along Devorah''s chin, then across her lips. "I mean, I''m not as far into the MILF in front of me as I''d like to be, but that''s because we''ve got that whole ''after'' agreement going on." I stopped, realizing something and very serious about it. "Unless you don''t want to any more. Seriously, if me being a genuine Deity is a turn off for you? Just, I dunno, don''t get me drunk, don''t sneak my clothes off, don''t do me until we both lose all sense of time and self. Seriously, I don''t want anybody in my bed or in my vajayjay who doesn''t want to be."


    Her mouth worked, and eventually she looked up at me, then looked down at the floor again. "I''m not worthy."


    I pulled her in, wrapping one arm around her waist, hooking one ankle behind her knee, putting my other arm around her shoulder, pulling her to me until she couldn''t help but lean forward onto me. I lowered my mouth to her ear and whispered, "so... you''re worthy to tell me who''s worthy of me and who''s not?"


    She blushed, and stammered, and reacted exactly how I''d hoped she would. Exactly how I suddenly hoped she''d react after. "But..."


    I pulled back just far enough to look her in the eye, our noses touching, our lips almost doing so. "What is it with you MILFs? All of you are into butts or something? Seriously." I stopped grinning my idiot grin and asked, "do you want me? All I ask from you right now is honesty."


    She closed her eyes and whispered, "yes."


    I tightened the towel around her, trapping her arms, and pressed my lips to hers. Siobhan absolutely pouted into my brain, I had to wait six months for that!


    Quicker than thought, I Co-Located behind her, then pulled one of her into the Bed to do unto until she stopped complaining. A Goddess'' work is never done. Yeah, I know, First World Problems.


    When I pulled away from Devorah, she tried to follow, her eyes fluttering open as she whined at me. "Okay then, little brewer, little MILF..."


    Oi!


    "Okay, as I''ve just been reminded, bigger MILF. Since my wife the Imperator is in fact my favorite MILF, and is clearly the littlest MILF in the room. I am eagerly awaiting ''after''. If you get to that point and still want to. No more of this ''not worthy'' nonsense. Got it?" She nodded. "Good." I pulled her close and held her. "You still shook up about the bear?" She nodded, shivering. "You need a few days before you go honey hunting? Or want us to just, I dunno, buy some honey for you to work with?"


    She stiffened up, and for a moment I thought I''d fucked up, but then she turned to Chloe. "Did you get any of the bees to come back to that hive we set up?" Chloe shook her head as Saffron sluiced hot water over her to rinse her off. Devorah turned to Marie. "Can you cook that bear meat with honey?" Marie smiled at her and nodded.


    At that point I leaned over to put my mouth to her ear and whispered, "why don''t you discuss that with her?" I had a sudden thought, and sent it to Marie as I said to Devorah, "maybe even in private? I''m sure Chloe and Anna can find their own nightgowns." She looked back at me, startled, and I said, "yeah, I think our Marie gets a little anxious after tangling with a big bastard like that bear. Hell, probably do you some good too, that whole ''celebration of life after a brush with death''. Shit, she could even take you to say hi to her boss." Devorah blinked, and I said, "y''know, big guy, shares an initial and a profession with you?"


    "But... but I..."


    "Could use the stress relief. Shit, maybe you can start trying to collect a whole pantheon or some shit. Me, Marie, Big D, his sister, fuck if you''re really adventurous you could dangle your ass in front of Big Willy Johnson and try for a threesome with Domnu. Careful, though, the man''s pole is bigger than your leg."


    A giggle that held more than a hint of hysteria trickled out of her, but again, at least it wasn''t that dead look I''d seen before. "Wouldn''t my chosen Goddess be jealous?"


    "I thought Big D was your Patron?"


    She shrugged. "Mortals are fickle."


    "Yeah, well. I dunno about him when it comes to the Jealousy thing. Then again, his favorite put a ring on me and I''m intending to do the same, so I kinda hope not. But me? I literally just told you to go hit up my Concubine slash Fianc¨¦ slash Wifiest Wife to ever Wife, absolutely intending you and her to see how many times you can ring each other''s bells, and how little sleep you can operate on tomorrow. Not exactly something I''d do if Jealousy was something I was big on."


    "So my Goddess is telling me to pleasure her Pantheon?"


    I shook my head. "Nope. Just, y''know, maybe suggesting it''s healthier than going all emo and mopey and losing your absolutely fantastic appetite for life that is the first thing I noticed about you. Do what you want with who you want, just so long as everybody involved Consents."


    She just stared at me, shaking her head. "A Goddess, telling me to follow my own desire rather than her own. I scarce believe it."


    I smiled, then called out, "Ladies? Your standing Commandment from your Goddess?"


    Without me even looking at them, they chorused back, "Do as we will!"


    "See? Believe it. Now, I gotta dry Chloe off, and you gotta go decide if you''re gonna get Marie wet." I gave her a quick kiss on the forehead, spun her around to face Marie, and propelled her toward my Maenad with a quick shove on the butt."


    When she got to me, Chloe whispered, "thank you, Champion."


    I shrugged. "Just giving somebody a pulse isn''t everything. Gotta make sure they keep living, right?"


    "As you say. Still. Thank you." She put her arms around me, and if I didn''t get any of the sexy time vibes I got from Devorah, I could tell it meant a lot to her. I let her lean into the hug, holding her until she pulled away, then returning to my toweling duty.The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.


    When I finally made it to the tub myself, Saffron sighed, then smirked and said, "I suppose Siobhan will just have to smell of pie spice for the evening, but both of you, back here, now."


    Siobhan got a little pouty, but smiled again when Saffron looked at the two of them and said, "Concubine? My Fianc¨¦ will not, in fact, be satisfied by Devorah tonight. Go do your duty and fulfill her needs. But first..." She Co-Located behind Marie and dumped a kettle of water over her. "Be about it, Sister."


    The two of them disappeared, and Saffron collapsed into herself, turning to me as she did. I couldn''t help but frown a little. "That... felt a little bit, I dunno... demanding?"


    She smiled up at me as her arms slithered around my neck. "If I said to you, ''carry me off and take me until I collapse'', would you consider that... inappropriately demanding?"


    Her smile got a lot more gleeful as I hoisted her legs up around me, one arm under her butt, the other around her shoulders. "Uh, where should I carry you off to?"


    She laughed. "Since our Concubines and Fianc¨¦ are in your Bed room, I''d say the Academy suite, but we''ve not finished bathing."


    I dropped my ass into the tub, splashing us both, before I remembered. "Okay, yeah, but ordering Siobhan to... tow... Murder Mittens... they both wanted to, didn''t they?" She bit her lip and nodded. "I''m an idiot."


    "No, love, just extremely protective of our Agency. As I find most fitting, both as my Goddess, my Wife, my Lover, my Love, and my Goof." She laughed again. "You realize that despite her passionate love for you, Siobhan is in fact more attracted to Marie? Perhaps even to me, as strange as that seems."


    "Huh?"


    "Fear, love. For all that you''re a Primordial Incarnation of Terror? You are, in her apparent estimation, the least scary of the three of us."


    "Huh."


    She smiled at me. "And since you''ve gone all monosyllabic, I''m going to put your mouth to better uses." Then she did.


    Didn''t dream of anything, because I didn''t sleep. When I put Saffron to bed long after midnight, I went to the office to think about things for a bit. Doodled some stuff on some foolscap, read a few of the older verses, just kinda enjoyed the quiet time.


    In the morning we told the kids we needed to secure the main house before they could join us. The rest of us headed back to the Homestead, where we got to work carving out the rest of the rooms for the main house. Saffron joined in with the carving, and the Maenads stacked the rocks up for me to melt later. Chloe and Devorah, the latter looking a little sleep deprived but way less depressed and overwhelmed than she had the night before, rolled out to look for more hives accompanied by four Maenads.


    Just before midday, two things happened. First, a whole assed caravan of wagons rolled up out of the woods toward the Homestead. I''m not sure what else they were carrying, but two massive thigh bones made up the biggest single part of the cargo. Before we even broke for lunch, the Maenads grabbed them up and plonked them in place as really badass fencing separating ''our valley'' from ''everything else''. I mean, these things were longer than the fuckin'' Kaiju Bear was tall, so if ''we killed these and all that''s left are bones'' didn''t convince predators that they were not, in fact, Apex, I''m not sure what else would.


    Shortly after they were in place, Karen spoke into my head. Champion, Imperator, I''m leaving the ship, headed for the Overlord''s palace.


    As Saffron directed everybody to break for lunch, and what to do after, I hopped up to the relative quiet atop the tower and looked through Karen''s eyes. She''d already hit the docks, and as she kept her head on a swivel I realized four of those big assed soldier boys trailed behind her, followed by four dock workers toting a big chest with poles shoved through the handles on its sides, followed by another four big soldier boys. Trolls, at a guess. Still wish I could see them. Had to pull my tentacles back from a stealthy excursion toward the line looking for more wacky Fae weed, even.


    Rich Man''s Port was... not what I was expecting, although I''m not sure why. Calverton had been like ninety-five percent stone construction, and the wooden buildings there looked really flimsy and temporary, like they''d been put up with no intent to keep them there any longer than it took to build a stone replacement. The buildings in Rich Man''s Port, on the other hand, were an even mix of wood, what looked like brick, cobbled stone, and even some straight up tents. But even the tents had that look that said they''d been there for a while, and the inhabitants intended them to be there for the foreseeable future. Fences. Dirt piled over the loose edges of the tents. Old, old wood on some of the buildings, shit where it had gone gray with age without actually rotting or anything. The whole place had a kind of ''this is all temporary, and every bit of it will be here for as long as possible'' vibe going on. Really weird.


    Just beyond the regular docks, where I''d normally expect warehouses, bars, and brothels, a whole fuckin'' row of dry docks filled the shoreline. I could tell they were dry docks and not just, y''know, pits in the ground because each and every one had a half built ship in it. Okay, one of them looked ''half torn down'', but even there it looked like they were maybe rebuilding it, doing the whole ''ship of Theseus'' thing to it.


    Of course, right beyond that row Karen passed two thirds of what I''d expected. Every building on the next street either had a sign with food or drink or a bed hanging over the door, or a scantily clad, heavily made up person hanging out of it. More than one in some cases. And by that I mean some of them had more than one prostitute dangling from the door, some of them had a food and drink sign and a hooker, and one stood out for having a sign with a bed and a woman with tits bigger than her head hoisting a plate and tankard, with straight up naked woman standing beside the door with a sampler plate and a really big fuckin'' tankard. As Karen watched, appalled, a sailor looking dude walked up, grabbed some kinda sausage on a stick off the plate, nommed it, then got a mouthful of whatever delivered via mouth to mouth from the woman. I guess he liked the samples, because after that he walked on into the bar. Inn. Brothel. Shit, that placed looked like three, three, three things in one! I didn''t know quite what to think when the woman looked right at Karen and winked at her, even waggling her hips in a come hither gesture.


    Really weird thing, she was the first non-Maenad, non-me person I remembered with pointy ears quite as pronounced as mine, not to mention slit pupiled eyes. I thought maybe Karen''s got some kind of telescopic vision mojo going on.


    Of course, Goddess. Intermediate Heroic Skills. Far Sight.


    Good to know. Stay frosty, Karen. I don''t want them putting some kind of whammy on you, too.


    She sighed. I''ll do my best, Goddess, but some are unavoidable. I hummed a question into her brain, and she thought, guest rights and duties. The Fae are famous for not only being sticklers for them, but being able to bind others to them, or enforce them via Geas, or lay Curses on those who do not adhere to them.


    Huh. You think that''s maybe what happened to me?


    She pondered that as she advanced through the town. After the docks, it looked a lot more like a normal City, although the ''permanent impermanent'' architectural theme stayed constant. As they approached the center of the city, an absolute fairy tale confection of a central keep came into view. The walls were stone, but not like the gray, almost black stone I''d seen in Phileo. This shit was white marble, or maybe even some kind of ivory, although if it was Ivory I did not want to meet the massive elephant it had come from. Although maybe you could get ivory from whales, I think? Like, their teeth? Also way bigger than anything I wanted to tangle with.


    Eventually Karen reached the very functional moat and drawbridge at the front of the keep. No idea how they''d gotten wood that white for the drawbridge, nor what the black armor on the guards at the gate was made of. They had long spears, maybe even pikes, that they lowered across Karen''s path as she approached. Without looking at her, they called out, "who goes there?" in unison.


    "Senior Cadet Karen Smith of the Phileo City Heroic Academy, representing the Inter-City Alliance." She nodded to her retinue. "These are my guards and servants."


    Servants?


    By the last protocol I studied, the Fae of Rich Man''s Port hold indiscretions of servants against their master, not against the servants.


    Okay, fair. Brownie points for you.


    I''m so glad my Goddess approves. I sent her a smile, because I kinda appreciated not being treated like some kind of whatever after Devorah''s near kowtowing the night before. Of course, then she got my panties bunched a little when she thought, I really hope that protocol hasn''t changed.


    How often does it do so?


    With disturbing irregularity.


    Well. Shit. Just do your best. I''ve got your back.


    At any rate, the pikes went up. "You''re expected." One of them whistled, and the drawbridge, which had been half raised, lowered fully. A ratty little dude darted out from inside the keep, bowed to Karen, and said, "follow me, please." When they got inside, he guided them through a branching tunnel under the outer wall, which had a ceiling lined with murder holes. In the first big room they came across, ratty dude turned and said, "may I have your name?"


    Karen leaned down, waved him toward her, and when he brought his ear up to where she could whisper to him, she draped an arm over his shoulder, taking a firm hold before saying, "no."


    He pulled away, but she wasn''t having any of it. "Unhand me!"


    She shifted, twisting, grabbing his wrists. "Really?" She shrugged. "If that''s what you want."


    She squeezed, and he squeaked out, "release me!"


    "No. We were invited to speak with Overlord Tallulah Crow. We are guests. And you will guide us to her."


    He frowned. "Why would I do that?"


    "Because otherwise I will do as my host''s servant asked and remove his hands. Then, when I find my way to the Overlord, I will explain that her servant was unhelpful and rude to a guest."


    "I haven''t been!"


    She leaned down until their noses were almost touching and hissed out, "I''m. Not. Fae." The ratty dude stared at her, mouth dropping open, horrified. "And I didn''t say what else I''d remove."


    "I will guide you to herself."


    "And my retinue. And no more tricks."


    Ratty dude whined. "Cruel! Cruel you all are!"


    Karen just nodded. "I am. And those I serve even more so. Now. No tricks?" He shook his head. "Say it clear and plain then."


    "If you let me go, unharmed, I will guide you and your retinue to herself, and play no further tricks on you or them."


    Karen straightened, releasing his hands. "Excellent. Lead on."


    As they continued through the twisting passages, something hard to see, but vaguely catlike appeared beside Karen, walking alongside her. "That was cruel of you. These little ones don''t often get to leave the keep, and rarely have any to fall for their tricks."


    "I am on a mission. I have no time for tricks."


    "Mortals and mayflies, always so rushed."


    Karen just shrugged. "Whatever you have little of is always precious. I suspect it''s why so many Fae are so jealous of our Mortality."


    "Ooh, a witty one! I like you. Are you certain you cannot stay and play for a bit?"


    "I cannot delay my mission, but if you convince this trickster ahead of us to take the shortest route, I''ll certainly converse with you until Lady Crow is ready to receive us." She looked over at the thing. It looked feline, almost like a big black tomcat, with a single splotch of the same color as the walls right in the center of his chest. But something about it just wasn''t right. Its face was way too human, and that''s coming from me, who spent most of last week canoodling with an upright albino tiger. It also seemed to glow, just a little, with an aura again the same color as the walls. Finally, and this took a bit to notice, its feet weren''t quite touching the floor. Or rather, they did, but sometimes they plunged just a little through it, sometimes they stepped on the air above it, and when they touched it they left no prints at all in the dust.


    The cat thing snickered, then growled at the ratty dude. Who immediately took the next left, then when we hit a dead end pressed a point on the wall, at which point the whole thing swung backward away from him, revealing an entrance into a throne room right out of some kind of fantasy movie. Columns ran along both sides, including one right in front of where Karen walked into the room. To the left, a pair of grand curving staircases ran up to a balcony, and beyond them a pair of doors stood open to a courtyard. To the right stood a line of petitioners, with gaggles of courtiers standing around the room, although with how some of them were armed I couldn''t tell if they were nobles, room candy, guards, or maybe a mix of all three.


    When Karen stepped past the columns, the strawberry blonde woman seated on the throne, who had an outfit that mixed ''pirate commander'' with ''witch queen'', overlaid with ''barbarian warrior and just a soup?on of ''faerie princess'', looked up to half glare at her. The cat thing stepped forward, bumping the ratty guy, who squealed with suppressed terror, as it did. "Lady Crow, I present High Priestess Karen Smith, Ambassador of the Atlantean Alliance."


    The woman''s voice whispered through the hall, breathy yet somehow clear. "I did not expect you to drag them in so soon, Cat." Then she turned to stare at Karen, and I swear she stared at me as well. "High Priestess. Imperator. Goddess."


    "Overlord." Karen nodded to the chick on the throne. "As any good Guest ought, I bring gifts for my Hostess." She nodded to the dudes with the chest, who tugged it forward, turned it to face the throne. "Bourbon from Lancaster House''s cellars, Leather from the Obol tanneries, Cloth both wool and cotton from Big Jarl Johnson''s looms, a grimoire from the Academy library, a compass from Calverton, scrimshaw from the artisans of Newark, and," here she sighed ever so slightly, "gold bullion from New Amsterdam''s coffers, courtesy of the House of Orange." As the Overlord tensed to reply, Karen absolutely cut her off as if just remembering. She Co-Located to her retinue, stepped them back to the ship, then collapsed to two of her who stepped back in front of the chest and laid a fuckin two foot by two foot by four foot slab of something squishy wrapped on paper right in front of it before collapsing back into herself. "And, finally, a gift from the Imperator herself, the finest cut of the Dire Bear she slew only yesterday."


    Overlord lady seemed more than a little shocked by that last one. "You no doubt mean cuts?"


    "I would not offend your ears by speaking imprecisely, Lady Crow." She smirked. "The bear was very large."


    "I... see. I look forward to sampling these gifts. They do sound delightful." Then she raised an eyebrow. "You send your guards away, yet remain?"


    "The Alliance does not want war at this time, Lady. Should guest rights not protect me, I would rather withdraw than be forced to violence."


    Lady Crow pursed her lips, then nodded. I couldn''t tell if she looked more relieved or annoyed. "Well then. I accept your generous gifts. Be welcome in Our keep. As I said to the Cat, I did not expect you for some time, so I must ask you to wait until I finish hearing the pleas of my people."


    Karen nodded, letting out a sigh that was pure theater. "Of course, Lady. A ruler''s work is never truly done. I await your convenience."


    What followed was like four or five hours of absolute bullshit as petitioner after petitioner brought one minor issue after another to the Overlord to adjudicate. Some of them were in pairs, and those almost seemed like they needed somebody to arbitrate. Others just seemed so petty I couldn''t even figure out why she didn''t just execute them for wasting her time. Of course, about three hours in I realized that they weren''t wasting her time. They were tools so she could waste Karen''s. Well, all of ours, because we sure as shit weren''t leaving Karen alone to face her, even if we were all just kinda watching over her shoulder.


    Which I remembered, as the last petitioner finished up her effusive thanks, that she and that fuckin'' not-cat had known. Not guessed. Known.


    She turned to Karen as I felt the sun dip below the horizon and said, "thank you for waiting so patiently, High Priestess. Would you care to join me for dinner?"

 Day Four Hundred And Ninety-Two

    Dear Diary,


    "When only Vengeance Remains,


    And that Vengeance is Righteous,


    Call on me, I will be there."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Vengeance


    Yeah. I can''t exactly be a Goddess of Vengeance and then say ''never do a Vengeance, ever''. If I''ve set out the rules for Vengeance, and somebody follows all of them, it''d be a total dick move to leave them hanging. So I gotta be ready, if they call on me, to show up and back them up. Maybe just riding along like I''ve been doing with Karen. Maybe showing up in person and making sure the douchecanoe bites it. Maybe just showing up after the fact to give them a ride to the afterlife, complete with a pat on the back and a ''you did good''. Maybe, fuck, I dunno, just being there in spirit, enough to give them the courage and confidence to do what needs to be done.


    As for, y''know, ''not being a Goddess of Vengeance'', that one''s kinda sticky. I mean, on the one hand I''ve got a strong impulse to just say, ''yeah, I do not vibe with this'' and just not be one. But then I think about the fact that Future Me did shit to earn that title, and some part of me is pretty sure that shit means something. Also, she rocked that Vengeance thing before I arrived, and she didn''t drop it like last year''s TikTok trends, so I''m gonna assume she wanted that shit to be there. Yeah, I could try to get rid of it, but if she worked hard to get it, on purpose, for reasons I don''t remember, and then I come along and screw things up, she''s not gonna be happy with me. As I''ve noted, I''m really trying hard to avoid a, ''Past Tabitha? I hate that bitch!'' situation.


    Then again... Justified Homicide. Vengeance. Bloodlust. Maybe Future Me really does need to be told to take several seats. It''s not like I''m perfect, so she sure as shit could have made all kinds of mistakes. At the end of the day, though, I think I have to trust that part of me that says if Future Me and I have one thing in common, it''s trying to do better every day than the day before. Yeah, I don''t talk about that much, because it sounds so fuckin'' pretentious and woo, but here''s the thing; if she''s been trying that? Just tryna do better than the day before? Then she''s had a lot more days than me. She knows better than me, and she didn''t ditch that shit. Which means that either there''s something about it that I don''t see, or there''s a need for that shit in this world.


    I really hope I''m wrong about that, while remaining right about Future Me.


    So yesterday at sunset Tallulah Crow, Overlord of Rich Man''s Port, invited High Priestess Karen Smith, who also happened to be Senior Cadet Karen Smith, Ambassador from the Alliance to Rich Mans'' Port, to dinner. Y''know, if I had a nickel for every woman with a masculine rulership title I know personally now, I''d have two nickels. Which isn''t a lot, but it''s still weird that it''s happened twice. Then again, maybe ''Overlord'' isn''t set in stone as masculine. From what I can tell, ''Imperator'' isn''t even a word here, just a title I dropped on my Kitten because I didn''t want the job.


    Karen replied, "I accept your invitation, and would be honored to dine with you this evening."


    So fuckin'' formal. Karen waited while the Overlord rose, then strode through the hall toward the stairways at the opposite end from the dais with the throne. As she passed the chest, she waved one hand at it kinda dismissively, then with the same hand beckoned Karen to follow her. The two big bastards in black armor peeled off from shadowing Tallulah to each grab a handle of the chest, and as Karen walked after Lady Crow, she heard them moving away toward the throne itself. A few of the hangers on in the crowd made quiet cranky noises as Karen came between them and their Lady, but then, they hadn''t been invited to dinner, so they could fuck all the way off.


    Saffron murmured so softly I almost didn''t hear it, even inside my own head. We are with you, Ambassador, but just as she has seen us, I suspect she can hear us.


    I''m pretty sure that was for my benefit, so I didn''t start nattering in Karen''s ear about everything, but she still replied, I understand, Imperator.


    As Karen followed up the steps, I took the opportunity to get a little better look at Tallulah. She was taller than Karen and I, although nowhere near as tall as Marie, or even Lachlan. Her outfit really looked like some kind of formal costume, not casual wear or even functional. A black tricorne hat rode high and back on her coiffed, curly, strawberry blonde hair. It had to be pinned there, or maybe glued, because otherwise it would have tumbled straight down her back. A back which showed a surprising amount of skin compared to her front. At first I thought maybe she had a tan, which wouldn''t make a lot of sense for a noblewoman, but would for a ship captain. Something about it didn''t look right, though, a kind of weird glowing tracery. It wasn''t until I caught a glimpse of one of her palms, which glowed with the same kind of pale off white as the walls, that I realized what I was looking at. The exposed portion of her back was literally covered in freckles. Not, like, ''a lot of freckles'', but ''freckles covered everything but that pale faintly glowing lace tracery''. She had a fluffy shoulder poof at the top of a sort of capelet, the kind of thing that I''d normally think ''royal ermine cape'', but it hung from her left shoulder, barely covering that arm, and the poof didn''t quite hide the ivory spike at the top, nor the gleam of metal from under the poof. Under all the accoutrements she wore a black full length gown with what I''d normally think of as ''witchy'' decorations like little ruffles and symbols, but instead of being lace or tulle or anything like that, they were mother of pearl, and hovered like half an inch off the surface of the dress itself.


    Individually each piece was kinda cool, or badass, or pretty. All together they were kind of a hot mess. But I wasn''t gonna say nothin'', even in the privacy of Karen''s head.


    Another long room, this one obviously a dining hall, took up the floor at the top of the steps. Two sets of steps led up at the far end, behind the head of the table. Karen followed Lady Crow down the left side of the table, I guessed waiting to see where the Lady wanted her to sit. Which the Overlord pointedly did not do, just letting Karen follow her all the way to the head of the table, where she turned and faced the room from beside a chair with the same kinds of decorations as the throne below. Then she just stood there as the courtiers trickled in from below. Karen turned a tiny amount, clearly still facing the Overlord, but moving to take in some of the courtiers at the front of the crowd as well. My Highest Priestess tensed a little as two black armored guards indistinguishable from the pair at the gate and the pair downstairs stepped out from doors that straight up hadn''t been there before and took their places at the foots of the twin staircases upward, each one only a few steps from Tallulah, and thus only maybe one more from Karen.


    Not really something to make you sanguine when they each carried a spear that nearly touched the high ceiling.


    Then the Overlord spoke, her voice whispering through the room. "I will dine in my private quarters this evening. You are all welcome to dine at my table in my absence."


    As she turned and walked for the closer staircase, those hidden doors opened again, and a half dozen serving dishes, mixed trays and tureens and covered plates, floated out into the room. Okay, they didn''t float, but it was hard to look at the people... things? carrying them. Humanoid, at least to the extent of having limbs to carry shit and limbs to carry them, as well as maybe a head, but beyond that Karen''s eyes just would not focus. Then again, she wasn''t trying to focus on them. Instead, she watched the Overlord, and was rewarded when her left hand, momentarily freed from the confines of its cape, made the same beckoning motion to Karen as she had downstairs.


    The moment she saw that, Karen glided into motion, smoothly maintaining her separation from Lady Crow. I winced as, out of the corner of her eye, I saw the spear in the hand of the guard on this set of steps angling down to bar her way, but she didn''t slow, didn''t flinch, and I swear I felt the breeze of its passage ruffle her hair.If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    But the dude said nothing, didn''t follow, and then Karen was upstairs, apparently in the Overlord''s ''Private Quarters''. At least, in her private dining room. Much smaller; instead of a room and table obviously big enough to seat the majority of her court, the table in this room stretched maybe ten feet long, and maybe four feet wide. Wide enough you could stretch your legs out underneath comfortably, although the chairs really didn''t seem to support that. The table had four chairs and place settings on each side, although two chairs on each side were pushed in, almost like they weren''t intended for use. When she passed the near end of the table, Tallulah waved to the simple wooden chair. "Be seated, Ambassador." The Overlord''s voice didn''t fill the room the way it did downstairs, but it still had that whispery quality to it.


    "Of course." Karen sat. The chair wasn''t uncomfortable, wasn''t crude or anything. Really, it looked just marginally fancier than the ones along the side. Of course, the moment her ass hit the seat, the Overlord flowed back into motion, headed for the head of the table, where a much comfier version of the throne we''d seen on the two prior floors awaited her.


    At that point I leaned over to where Saffron had perched atop the tower wall beside me and whispered, "shouldn''t she wait until after the hostess sits?"


    Saffron shrugged. "It''s a bit of a test. If she waits, she''s followed typical protocol, but disobeyed the Lady. If she sits, she''s breached typical protocol, but acted according to the stated wishes of her hostess."


    "So which one''s right?"


    "From my understanding? Consistency. From here on out she needs to pay attention to what Lady Crow says, not ''social norms''. Probably for the best, as the latter are in a constant state of flux in both pirate towns and Fae courts."


    "Which is this?"


    "Yes. Plus her private table, which means shortly we''ll see..."


    At that point, as Tallulah flowed into her seat, four doors opened out of the side walls. Over the next few moments three people entered the room. First, from Karen''s left, a stately woman who looked like a slightly less freckled version of Lady Crow, wearing a dress similar to hers, but without the pirate hat or the spiked cape. The decorations weren''t in floating mother of pearl, either, but looked like some kind of silver thread. Her hair, several shades darker than Tallulah''s, but still following the red-gold theme, wasn''t done up nearly as fancy as Lady Crow''s. Her eyes had the same ivory wall glow as her mothers, albeit not quite as glowy. She nodded to Karen. "Ambassador."


    Karen returned her smile. "Cailyn Crow, I presume?" The woman, presumably Cailyn, nodded as she sat.


    Next a dude lounged in, and for no apparent reason my teeth ground. Darker skinned than the two women, but without any of the freckling, his hair was a pure dark golden blond without a hint of red in it, his eyes the color of creamy jade. He wore a doublet and hose, with the hilt of a rapier dangling at his hip. No sheath. No idea whether it was some kind of magical Mana Blade situation, or a bit of jewelry, or the fuckin'' shards of Narsil or some shit like that. But the way the long, lithe dude moved just set me off. Kind of like somebody else I''d seen, somebody I''d known. Maybe Lachlan? Maybe Larry? But whoever it was, the dude just pissed me off by existing. He did the whole fancy ''make a leg'' bow toward Karen. "Cadet Smith. Enchanted."


    Karen nodded at him, carefully hiding a smile, because it totally would have been followed by a laugh, because this dude was like the antithesis of what she looked for in dudes. "Lindsey Crow. Well met."


    After he sat, which was a whole production of flourishes and shit, there was a slight pause, then the third door settled closed. Distracted by the entrance of the elder two Crow children, I hadn''t noticed the first two closing. The moment the third door snicked shut, feet scrambled behind the fourth. A moment later a stick swayed into the room. Karen blinked then followed the stick down to a shock of red hair and eyes of bright emerald green. Her dress had clearly been pattered after the one worn by her mother and sister, but where her mother''s was clearly made to impress the court, and her sister''s was a nice ''dress for dinner'' dress, this kid, and she couldn''t be much bigger than Maze, had clearly worn hers to gym class. Half of the fancy decorations were missing, and where the hem on the other two was deliberately asymmetric and uneven, hers had been half hiked up and tied out of the way above the knee, and the other half had definitely seen better days.


    When she got to her chair, which had a thick cushion perched atop it, she looked over the table at Karen, her eyes got a little wide, and she said, "G... High Priestess!"


    Karen showed me she had some knack for dealing with kids when she nodded and said, "Ria Crow. Training with the spear?"


    The kid''s eyes lit up as she clambered onto her cushion, but somehow it wasn''t entirely happiness behind them. "Yeah, I..." Something moved under the table, and she went silent, nodding.


    A few moments later, the Overlord nodded, and Ria raised her hands and clapped, twice. The quiet snick of doors opening came from behind Karen, and a few moments later a bowl of salad lowered to the table in front of her. A few moments later each of the Crows had a plate in front of them, and Karen waited until Lady Crow started eating to take her first bite.


    The moment her mouth was full, Lady Crow, her mouth empty, said, "so, the Alliance does not desire war?"


    Cailyn watched, impassive. Lindsey smiled, smug like he knew something. Ria stiffened, trying to keep eating and pretending like she hadn''t heard shit.


    Karen swallowed leaves whole and replied, "we do not."


    "And yet you arrive in a warship?"


    Karen smiled, carefully not shaking her head. "A misconception. The Questing Tentacle is an armed merchantman."


    As the others ate, Cailyn tilted her head. "Questing Tentacle. An odd name." Karen shrugged, taking another bite. I realized just then that the bowl had started with, like, maybe four bites of salad in it. Cailyn prodded again. "How does it come by such a name?"


    Karen smiled. "The Imperator''s Patron Goddess. The Matriarch of my own Goddess'' Pantheon, in fact."


    "And which Goddess would that be, oh fiery maiden?" I really wanted to punch this guy. Like, just once. Really hard.


    "My Goddess is the Champion of the Alliance, Tabitha Diaz." Karen took the last bite of her salad, and the bowl was whisked away. A moment later a fuckin'' charcuterie board replaced it. I mean, that''s what it looked like. Couple small pieces of hard flatbread, couple crackers, some sliced cheese, and some... something. Pink, looked faintly familiar, like maybe sushi filling, or something similar. Again, like four bites.


    The Overlord put half of her pink stuff onto a cracker, then closed her eyes and took a bite. She savored it for a moment, and Karen duplicated her choice. The stuff tasted... gamey? Definitely savory, but also sweet, a little smoky, and just a little salty. As Karen chewed, Lady Crow let out a kind of considering hum. "A predator of predators. not the most delicate flavor, but it has a certain refinement. Ria? Eat. It."


    Without looking, Karen watched out of the corner of her eye as Ria got a little pout, then used the edge of her cracker to scrape the pink stuff back into a single mound from where she''d spread it in a thin, almost translucent layer across her plate. Still pouting, she scooped it all onto one slice of cheese, put the other slice on top of it, took a deep breath, closed her eyes, then gulped down the whole little breadless mini-sandwich, grimacing as she swallowed. Karen tried a slice of the cheese next. It turned out to be a smoky aged cheddar, with far more bite than the pink stuff. Then she put the rest of her pink stuff on the second slice of cheese and ate it that way, although she actually chewed it before swallowing.


    A moment later, her own plate clear, Lady Crow placed a cloth napkin next to her plate and stood. "I am weary, and will retire for the evening. Ambassador Smith, make use of Adrienne''s rooms for the duration of your visit here." The door that nobody''d come out of clicked open.


    "You honor me," said Karen as she stood.


    Lady Crow, who''d turned and strode toward a door directly behind her chair the moment after she made her announcement, paused, half turned, and said, "Yes. War is always inconvenient." Then she stepped through the door and was gone.


    Lindsey was at Karen''s side before she''d taken half a step toward Adrienne''s rooms, offering an elbow which Karen didn''t deign to acknowledge. "May I call you Karen?"


    "You may." She nodded to him as she stepped into the doorway of a suite that really reminded me of our Academy suite, only reversed, with the office on the outside.


    The dude, who I really had to control myself not to punch, leaned in the doorway so it wouldn''t quite close without catching him in it. "Tentacles seem quite in vogue of late. Who is your Imperator''s Patron, then, a Deity of Questing, or a Deity of Tentacles?"


    Karen turned, smiled serenely, and switched into her stripperific wedding dress. "My Imperator''s Patron, the Patron Matriarch of the Alliance?" He leaned forward a little, drawn in just as surely as any Human Adjacent girl kisser would be. "Is Mimic."


    I swear, I did not laugh. Must have been some other Deity type person. But holy shit was it satisfying, as Karen shut the door, to see Lindsey fuckin'' Crow sitting on his ass on the floor where he''d tripped and fallen in his scramble to get the fuck away from her. Well, from her Imperator''s Deity.


    From me.

 Day Four Hundred And Ninety-Three

    Dear Diary,


    "Lust is a fire on the hearth,


    Bloodlust, a raging wildfire.


    Which would you warm yourself at?"


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Bloodlust


    Yeah, I''ve really debated putting questions into the Doctrine. Like, on the one hand I want my people to think. I want them to consider their actions, to try and choose the ones that will benefit everybody as much as possible as often as possible. The ones that, as far as I can tell, will lead to a better world for my kids to live in.


    But I''m a Goddess of Passion, Ecstasy, Bloodlust, Vengeance, and Justified fuckin'' Homicide. Somehow I do not think ''careful, calm, considered actions'' are gonna come very naturally to my future worshippers. Then again, maybe that''s the Good I can do in The World; to lay down a Divine Mandate for the ''doers not thinkers'' of the world to stop, take a breath, and think about what they''re doing when it comes to big, serious shit.


    Fuck, I think if when whatever God''s in charge at the End of Days does the final ultimate accounting, I managed to get one person to make one other person''s life a little less shitty by wrapping his willy before spelunking, I''ll consider it a win.


    Daughter?


    What''s up, Dad?


    Among your titles as Mimic?


    Why do I not like where this is going?


    You are the Walking Ragnarok.


    Yeah... oh, fuck. Really?


    Yes, Daughter, there is some strong evidence that you will be the Goddess in charge of that final ultimate accounting.


    Fuck.


    I am sorry, Daughter.


    Nah, not your fault. Fuck, you might be wrong. Maybe between now and then we''ll get a God of Accountants, and I''ll just have to keep him around to cook the books.


    There she is. Pride filled Dad''s mental voice. That''s my Daughter.


    Thanks, Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    So yesterday after sequestering herself in Adrienne Crow''s rooms, Karen changed back into her uniform, then bowed her head and closed her eyes. Goddess?


    I''m listening.


    It would be rude of me not to sleep here. Can you watch over me while I rest?


    You got it, Karen. Saffron squeezed my hand, and I thought, give me a few minutes. I turned to Saffron. "What''s up?"


    "If you enter the Overlord''s Keep without specific invitation, that would be offensive as well."


    I might have bristled a little bit. "Okay, one, why would me visiting my Highest Priestess be offensive, and two, why the fuck do I care?"


    Saffron sighed and rubbed the back of my hand. Karen? Must you sleep immediately?


    Well, no, but the cracker is beginning to have an effect.


    They fucking poisoned my Priestess?


    I started to move, but Saffron grabbed me, held me still with a single barked word. "HEEL!" I froze. "Good Girl." Marie? Attend Karen please.


    Coming.


    Thank you. Saffron reached up and caressed my cheek. "Now, love, I''m sorry I''ve spent so little time with you with this, but... are you in the mood for a lesson right now?"


    "Not fuckin'' really, no."


    "Do you trust me?"


    "Did I heel?" I growled back.


    A few minutes later, as Saffron straddled my lap where I sat on the end of the Bed, Marie showed up next to Karen, her cart in tow, steam rising from within, her old metal tub atop it. You gonna be okay, Karen?


    If Marie cannot protect me and navigate the Courts of the Fae, I am lost in any case. Should that happen?


    Rich Man''s Port''s gonna be getting a new Overlord.


    Thank you, Goddess.


    Lost most of the night to watching over Karen through Marie''s vigilant gaze, while Saffron did her damndest to keep me from just flattening the whole fuckin'' Keep. Not long after Saffron fell asleep, when the rays of the morning sun filtered through Karen''s windows, she woke, stretched, and bowed her head. Thank you, Goddess.


    No worries. You good for the day?


    She nodded. I think it best if I remain here until summoned by the Overlord.


    You need one of us to fill in for you at the Temple?


    She smirked, and I got a secondary view from inside what looked the kind of restaurant that really swanky hotels had. I never said I had to only be in Adrienne''s rooms.


    Cool. Marie, can you back her up until Saffron and I wake up?


    Yes. The Marie in the room with Karen settled to her knees, arranging the hem of her skirt in a neat circle around her.


    Thanks, Mittens. Love you.


    Welcome, Vlickies.


    Saffron woke me for bath time. "Good evening, Goof. Feel better?"


    I pouted. "Still not happy with the fuckin'' Fae."


    She sighed. "Neither am I, love. But... are you ready to hear me out?"


    I shrugged. "Sure. Anything the women and kids shouldn''t hear?"


    As she stepped us to the bathroom, where the kids had already lined up to use the toilet, with Siobhan managing the cup for them, she spoke at a volume the room could hear. "No. In fact, I suspect we ought all know at least the basics, just in case we wind up with Fae living near or even on our Homestead." She didn''t point Maze out, but the pony girl''s ears perked up. Like, literal pony ears, barely covered by her hair, that disappeared a moment after she realized they''d done so.


    "Okay then. Class is in session, ladies, Archmage Aetos-Diaz lecturing."


    She smiled at me, nodded, then poured the first few kettles of water into the tub. Once she had, she cleared her throat as Menace climbed into the tub. "The first thing to understand about the Fae is that they are, one and all, native to Underhill, to M-Space. They are thus typically more inherently Mana enabled than their analogs in the Mortal Realm."


    I figured I''d play dumb kid who asks questions, just to keep anybody else from feeling dumb. I mean, I knew I was a dumbass, but apparently three hot babes liked me that way, so I''d become surprisingly copacetic about that. "Analogs?"The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.


    She nodded. "One example would be the Sidhe, the ''noble Fae''. They are analogous to Humans. They can, and in the case of House Crow do, interbreed with Humans. Another example would be their Steeds, which are analogous to Horses, but only in general configuration, size, and function."


    Menace sniffed the air for a second, then announced. "Dere Dings nad hortheth."


    Saffron smiled and nodded. "No, no they are not, my girl. Sidhe Steeds are obligate carnivores, with the claws and fangs one might expect from such. But like many Fae, their appearance is deceptive; from a distance, with their mouths closed, they appear to be horses, fine strong beautiful ones."


    "They thdupid, doo."


    Saffron sucked her teeth a moment. "Given that horses are in fact not very bright from what I''ve read, I suspect their analogs may not be very smart for predators, but when the predator is the size of a horse, they don''t generally need to be." Menace just chuckled and made chomping motions while Saffron scrubbed her hair.


    "Okay, so they''re all gonna be some degree of freaky, and some degree of magical?"


    Saffron nodded to me. "An apt summation. Now, Fae who cannot speak are dangerous in the manner of any wild beast, only moreso. Fae who can speak, however..." She shuddered just a little. "Something to understand about them. They are all, even those who cannot speak, bound by rules."


    "What rules?"


    "That depends on the Fae," she continued. "The simple, nonverbal ones? The rules of predator and prey. The lesser verbal ones? The more powerful they are. the more rules that bind them, and the more those rules affect them."


    "But they can''t lie, right?" Liam piped up.


    Saffron frowned, but nodded. "Any Fae who can speak cannot lie. But that in and of itself is deceptive." When he tilted his head in confusion, reminding me a lot of Lachlan for a moment, she explained, "the Fae think differently to Mortals. They cannot speak something that is untrue, but even the simplest can twist words to suit them. A classic gambit is a Fae asking for your name."


    Liam nodded. "So they can use your true name to bind Mana Shapes to you!"


    "No." Liam''s face fell, and she added, "although that was a good guess. No, if you give a Fae your name? It is no longer yours. When you hear that name, you will no longer recognize it as your own. When someone asks you your name, you will not remember that word." Liam blanched. I''d never actually seen the little dude look scared before. "I see you are now taking the Fae with something approaching caution?"


    "How... how can they do that?"


    She nodded. "Because you gave them permission. If they ask for your name, and you give it to them, they can take it. Permission, Consent, Agency play huge roles in Fae Magic."


    "So..." he thought, then said, "just don''t give them permission to do anything?"


    She rinsed Menace, then pulled Liam into the tub. "A good start, but patently insufficient. The Fae are masters of social contracts. Do you understand what those are?" He frowned, then shook his head. "Those are the agreements that we all have with those around us, most of them unspoken. To explain one all in this room understand, if the Heir of House Lancaster invites you into the House, and you are a good guest, he is obligated to house, feed, and defend you, yes?" Pretty much everybody in the room either nodded or gave Saffron a ''duh'' look. "The Fae know those rules. The Sidhe, the noble Fae, know them better than anyone, and know them explicitly. You all understand that those rules are, on occasion, subject to change?" Everybody in the room frowned. "Such as, if the Heir designates a suite as the Imperator''s suite, then the Imperator is expected to care for those who live in that suite?" Everybody nodded along with that, understanding.


    "Wait, so why are we all eating in the dining room again?"


    Saffron laughed. "Because Heir Lancaster isn''t an ass, unlike his cousins."


    "He has cousins?"


    "He did. They raped and murdered a woman staying in the House. He executed them as soon as he found them. Then threw their remains in the tanning waste." Every woman in the room tensed up at the mention of the rape, then let out a collective breath when she dropped that bomb about Larry executing his own cousins.


    Kinda wish I''d been there to see that.


    You were, love. You even Healed and Revived the woman.


    Really? What happened to her?


    Bonnie.


    Really? Shit. Wow. Uh. She seems to be okay now?


    Saffron shot me a sad smile. She''s different. But... she can smile. She survived. She''s healing, Most importantly, she''s not just surviving, she''s living.


    "Okay, getting us back on track, what''s the dealio with the Sidhe? If they''ve got to follow all the rules, wouldn''t that make them easier to deal with?"


    Saffron sighed, her shoulders slumping a little. "Yes and no. If you can follow all the rules as well as they do, and I will note that they have an instinctive understanding of those rules, they can literally feel when they are about to break one, at least if they''re paying attention? If you can follow those rules, they have no more power over you than any Mortal Mage might."


    "And if you can''t?"


    "For every rule you break? Their power over you is amplified. Most Mortals would be in danger of being utterly overwhelmed after a single infraction." She shot me a sad smile.


    You think that''s what happened to me?


    You are not... I love you, Goof, but you are my Goof. Rules are not something that comes naturally to you.


    "So, I get how that''s ''no'' on ''rules making it easier to deal with them'', since one of us breaking their rules make them more powerful, but how yes? Just... oh, if we follow the rules they''re just instinctive Mages that live in the land of Magic and make believe?"


    She gave me an actual smile this time. "No, love. Because if they fail to follow a rule? If they fail to treat a guest who has been a good guest properly? Their power is diminished as regards to that guest. A great Fae Lord who mistreats a guest badly enough might find himself susceptible to even an untrained Human''s Mana, or just their force of Personality."


    "Didn''t you say they have an instinct about that?"


    She nodded. "Yes, they do, but while in some ways they are alien to us, in others they are very human. They can fall prey to arrogance, or distraction, or any number of things that cause them to ignore their instincts, at least long enough for a clever, determined, self-disciplined Mortal to gain the upper hand long enough to triumph." Then she looked around at the crowd, especially the kids. "Do. Not. Think. You. Are. That. Mortal." When all but Maze, Liam, and Menace looked cowed, she glared at the three of them. Well, mostly Liam and Menace, because Maze was nodding in agreement with her. "Liam, you are brave and true and barring some tragedy will someday be a Hero like your father before you, but for the moment? You are not ready for that challenge. Should a Fae try to ensnare you? You tell them that your Imperator has commanded you return to her, and get yourself back to me as quickly as possible. Understood?"


    He still looked mulish, right up until Menace swallowed and said, "Liam? Do what Mom says."


    Gotta hand it to my girl Isnomi, she had her posse trained well. "Yes, Isnomi."


    "For the rest of you, let that command stand as well. Should a Fae try to snare you, I command you to return to me. Tell them that. You are my people, I am your Imperator, and they will understand that binding. They will not like it, but they will respect it, or...?"


    "Or you''ll punish them?" Guessed Liam. Saffron shook her head.


    "Ow I ead dem?" Isnomi opened her mouth and gnashed holy fucking shit that was absolutely a Hell of Teeth.


    "No! Do not eat the Fae." Saffron''s snapped command softened into a smile. "You have no idea where they''ve been."


    Isnomi belched, snickered, but said, "Yeth, Ma."


    I raised my hand as Menace trotted off toward Marie and Liam walked over to me. "Yes, Tabitha?"


    "I''m guessing if they don''t follow the rules and let our folks obey you, they lose power over them?"


    "Yes! That''s it exactly. Follow the rules, and you are safer. Not safe, but safer.."


    Devorah who''d been murmuring with Chloe, asked, "what of the rules of gifts? Like honey and bread and milk set out for them?"


    Saffron nodded. "Gifts, and debts, and payback are old, old rules. Possibly even older than guest rights. The compact with lesser Fae, where homes which set out minor gifts like that are protected from mischief, is old and honored by most. But take care. Not all Fae are bound by that particular compact, and Fae take gifts and debts seriously. Never thank a Fae, nor tell them they are welcome. Thanks imply a debt. Telling a Fae they are welcome to something..." Saffron shuddered.


    "How then are we to follow those basic social rules of politeness?" asked Anna.


    Saffron shrugged. "Instead of thanks, offer a compliment. ''That was well done'' is common. As for ''welcome''..."


    "Ooh! Ooh! I know this one!" When Saffron waved a hand at me, I said, "de nada!"


    Saffron smiled. "Exactly. Should a Fae thank you, simply say ''it was nothing''."


    "Wouldn''t it be better to have them in your debt, though?" asked Liam.


    Saffron rocked her head back and forth. "For a peer? Like a Hero, or Champion, who might hold them to account if they repay that debt with poison? It might be a stratagem. But one fraught with peril. Best to forgive the debt; I cannot recall a tale where forgiveness went poorly for the Mortal."


    So, that''s what Karen''s trying to do with all the weird socializing? Get them to put themselves in her debt? Or break a rule?


    Do I ever do something for just one reason?


    What else then?


    Saffron smiled at me as she finished washing Daya and sent her my way. Gathering information. We still don''t know who did this to you. Or why. Or even, truly, what was done.


    I got cursed and glamored, is what was done.


    Perhaps, but remember what I said. The Fae do not think like us. They do not think in what we would call straight lines. But... she paused, as if trying to think how to phrase something. Or, really, how to dumb it down enough for me to understand. If the Fae who cursed you thought of it as a gift, and we respond with violence, we put ourselves in their power. If they intended it as an attack, and it was unprovoked, they have put themselves in ours. But we don''t know, and in this case? Details, tiny ones, matter.


    Fu-hu-hu-hu-huck. This is gonna damage my calm.


    Which is part of why I didn''t explain it all sooner. I''m sorry, love.


    For what?


    She smiled at me as she scooted Alex toward me. For keeping secrets from you.


    I snorted as I dried off our little tomboy. Could I... Should I have learned this shit at the Academy?


    Yes, but...


    Yeah, then I ought to know it, but I forgot. Which means I probably broke one of those ''basic dealing with Fae rules'', at which point they whammied me, and it''s my own damn fault, and you''ve just been letting me chill while you figured stuff out. Just promise me one thing?


    Anything, love.


    That when it''s time to start using blunt instruments, you''ll let me know?


    She smiled at me. It''s like you''ve forgotten yet again who my favorite Attack Dog is...


    What else could I say but, Woof.

 Day Four Hundred And Ninety-Four

    Dear Diary,


    "Bloodlust: rage, fury unbound,


    But bound to visceral thirst,


    Hunger for life feasts on death."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Bloodlust


    I''m not sure exactly how to describe it to someone else. What''s weird is that it''s emotional. Visceral. Coming straight up from my crotch to try and override my brain. I mean, I get where anybody watching Marie move, or listening to Siobhan care for people, or experiencing Saffron being Saffron would wind up feeling that sensation. If somebody''s not Ace, and let me be clear I''ve got nothing against Ace people, I just do not viscerally grok where they''re coming from, they''ll feel that at some point. Maybe they won''t feel it until they''re looking at a naked hottie in front of them looking all Little Caesars, maybe they feel it every time they see something that could vaguely be construed as an abstract image designed to evoke thoughts of carnality. But at some point, barring repression or oppression, everybody will feel that urge to engage in, as the Bloodhound Gang song says, the Act of Mating.


    I''ll leave it as an exercise to the reader where along that spectrum of thirst I reside.


    But bloodlust isn''t about getting Satan''s doorbell rung, or somebody''s ashes hauled, or about the urge to engage in an actual or simulated act of mating. Because there are some mating simulations that are absolutely sexual in nature yet have zero chance of producing offspring. Still lust, still sex, still... clean. No matter how much the participants desperately need a bath afterward. Which reminds me, at some point I need to get dirtier than that for just that reason and then have the ladies clean me off cat style, and by the prickling of my crotch Future Me has in fact not only checked that off my bucket list, but added it back on as several discrete line items. So maybe I''ll do it anyway.


    Bloodlust is about that drive, that urge, that thirst, that lust being entirely pointed at doing harm unto another being. Like, some tiny bit of me looking at Lindsey is constantly vomiting. Not because he''s awful and smarmy; the part that''s vomiting about that isn''t small. But there is a part of me that wants to stare deep into his eyes as I''m killing him to death as painfully as possible, just so he can see each and every time I get off while I''m doing it. A small part of that part of me is vomiting at the thought of even that much sexual association with the smarmy bastard. The weird thing, I''m pretty sure that Marie gets it, but I''m not sure she actually experiences it. Like, I''ve come to the realization talking with her and Saffron and even Siobhan that Maenads are absolutely walking incarnations of thirst, and they''re also built for battle, and there''s gonna be some Venn Diagram overlap there. But I think it might be ''the exhilaration of combat gets me horny'' not ''inflicting painful harm and death on others gets me off''.


    And I''m a Goddess of that shit. Again with the ''I am not copacetic about this, but hopefully my words will temper the actions of others''. And maybe give me some gutter bumpers next time I''m pissed off enough to give in to it.


    So yesterday after we finished Dealing With Fae For Dummies with our instructor, Hottie McMILFynerd, Before I could give in to my completely sane, rational, and righteous since we''re married urges to cart her off and have my way with her, Karen''s voice chimed in my head. Goddess?


    Saffron replied while I was still trying to to convince my lady bits that using Karen''s mouth on Saffron so I could watch my Kitten''s eyes roll back was Just Not Cool. Ambassador. Report.


    I have just returned to Adrienne''s suite of rooms. Lady Crow summoned me at moonrise and requested that I join her as she held court. She placed me at her left hand, while Cailyn stood to her right. Again this evening she invited me to dine with her family, although this time I believe she intentionally implied a potential liaison between myself and one of her family, perhaps herself. To be clear, she made no such advances in private, although... she trailed off.


    Karen, you okay?


    She''d begun projecting like she had the day before, and I caught the brief impression of a languid smile, not to mention a very strong impression of not quite being entirely mentally together. Apologies, Goddess. I had a piece of flatbread with dinner.


    Kitten? Why am I not executing a bitch for poisoning our Ambassador.


    Saffron chuckled in ways I felt all the way down my front. We were still in the tub after all. Hush, love. What grain do you think the Fae use for their bread?


    I dunno? Rye?


    The same grain Mimic stole whole fields of the week before last. While I sat there comprehending but not believing, she explained, the Fae are creatures of Mana, living in the Mortal Realm they need that, lest they starve. Lady Crow is ostensibly honoring our Ambassador by treating her as one of her own family.


    Ostensibly?


    Oh, she definitely gets benefits from it. It looks, to her Court, like we support her.


    Why are we letting her get away with that? I growled.


    Because if she is dealing with us in good faith, I see no reason not to support her, and if she is not, everyone will see the truth of matters when you desecrate her corpse.


    Could you maybe not... why the fuck you gotta say it like that?


    She grinned at me. Because it''s incredibly hot.


    Goddess, Imperator, may I relay to you my memories of the evening meal, which is the only time Lady Crow seems ready to speak with me? My... current perceptions and thoughts are less than coherent.


    Please do, thought Saffron.


    Again Lady Crow seated Karen first. An honor, to be seated before the hostess, Saffron''s voice whispered into my head. Cailyn sat after her mother, at which point first Lindsey, then Ria, entered and sat. The five-bite salad course came out. "Tell me, Ambassador. Is your Imperator''s hunger for conquest sated? For now, at least?"


    Today''s salad had something crunchy in it. Nuts or seeds, not croutons, wrong crunch. "The Alliance has yet to mount an offensive war. The Imperator seeks only to ensure the safety of the Alliance and her Cities."


    Tallulah frowned, although she looked at the bowl as she did so, so she might have just disagreed with the whole seed and or nut inclusion in the salad. "I''m told Norfolk claims they were attacked?"


    Karen chewed thoughtfully, then swallowed and nodded. "They were, but not by the Alliance. A single individual acting independently laid claim to the lands and goods of several Jarls."


    "And King Gregor?" Tallulah added.


    "And King Gregor," Karen confirmed.


    I got the impression Lady Crow''s next words weren''t entirely intended for public consumption. Or she was a consummate actress, which was also very possible. "A single individual conquered our single strongest rival."


    Karen just shrugged a response, since no question had been asked. The salad bowls were whisked away, replaced with bowls of broth with... a matzoh ball? Some kind of dumpling, maybe. The soup spoons were definitely closer to the Asian ones I''d seen, way better for the serious business of eating soup if you''re not just gonna guzzle that shit from the bowl. Out of the corner of her eye, Karen saw Ria, having nommed the matzoh ball, do just that, trying to be sneaky about it by glaring at the bowl like she saw something in it, squinting and getting really close, then tipping one edge of it into her mouth.


    "Ria!" Tallulah snapped, and I felt an immediate kinship with her, what with having an absolute hellspawn kid of my own. A moment later, as Ria returned to spooning broth, Lady Crow turned to Karen. "Understand I ask because my sources are, obviously, biased, but were the duels legal?"


    Karen shrugged. "I am no expert on the Laws and Customs of Norfolk, but by my understanding the finest legal mind in Phileo looked over the challenge documents before they were presented, and he confirmed they were, according to the Laws and Customs of Norfolk, legally binding."


    The Overlord''s mouth drew up in an annoyed moue, and another mutter escaped her. "Laws of Norfolk," she scoffed, then went silent as she spooned up her own soup. When her little dumpling thing sat in her spoon, she asked, "Is the Alliance willing to recompense House Crow for the damages done to our townhouse during the purge of the Undead there?"


    Karen froze, and for a moment I heard the echo of Saffron''s lecture. Then she nodded, but said, "I see no reason why you should not be recompensed, although who in particular covered that cost is a matter above my authority to determine or dictate." At Lady Crow''s inquisitive stare and cocked head, Karen explained, "should recompense be approved, it might be paid by the Alliance, by Calverton, by House Calvert, or perhaps by my Goddess."


    Lady Crow thought about that while she savored her final spoon of soup. "Your Goddess would shoulder the burden of making this right?"


    Karen''s reply came instantly, with the subtle fervor of a zealot underlying her words. "My Goddess shoulders many burdens, and in every case where I have been informed of her motives it was to make things right."


    The main course came out. Two crackers, two flatbreads, two slices of Baby Emmental, and two slices of pat¨¦. Look, I know Baby Emmental isn''t really a thing, but the holes were way too small for proper Emmental, and when Karen tasted a piece, it definitely tasted like a mild Emmental. Lady Crow looked down the table and said, "is it true, what they say your Goddess did at New Amsterdam?"


    Karen swallowed, and I swear to fuck I felt her eyes light up. "Absolutely. I saw with my own eyes as she towered over the horizon, a being of pure Mana who banished not just the Plague, but all illness from the City with but a single Shape." After a moment, Karen blinked and asked, "did the Plague strike Rich Man''s Port?"


    Lady Crow looked a little disconcerted, both by Karen''s answer and her question. "By the grace of The Morrigan, it did not. I..." She stopped, cleared her throat, and continued, her voice once again calm. "I referred to the final battle in Phileo''s war against New Amsterdam."


    Now the grin stretching across Karen''s face became absolutely predatory. "Oh, yes. I witnessed that as well. The half that occurred before the walls of Newark, at least. Five thousand Levies, nearly five hundred Heroes, all struck down in a handful of minutes. From what those guarding the walls of Camden Yards tell me, similar slaughter occurred there."If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    The Overlord chewed on that that as she chewed on her crackers and cheese. "Your Goddess is an effective battlefield commander, then?"


    Karen nodded. "Oh, yes. She led the Liberation of Calverton: the battle for the bay, the campaign, and the final assault all three." Karen smirked. "Since she led the Phileo Expedition to Lancaster House, Heir Lancaster calls her nothing but ''Commander''." Lady Crow nodded, and Karen frowned. "But..."


    Lady Crow froze, almost vibrating with tension. "But?"


    Karen sighed, totally an act. "I would not allow such a generous hostess to be deceived. She did not lead the Battle of the Walls."


    "No?"


    "No. She and she alone slaughtered ten thousand Levies and a thousand Heroes in minutes."


    I swear to fuck Karen could hear Cailyn''s heartbeat, the sweat dripping from Lindsey''s brow, and Ria''s eyes getting wider. "How many Heroes defend New Amsterdam now?"


    Karen shrugged. "Oh, a few hundred from Phileo, backed up by a few hundred Units of Phileo Volunteers. Plus I think New Amsterdam''s first new Heroes just graduated Phileo Heroic this past Equinox, and their Academy is nearly completely rebuilt now, so they should begin training their own Heroes to an acceptable standard soon."


    Kitten, is she just giving away military details right now?


    This was half an hour ago, and... yes, but I won''t disagree with her on this. Have you been watching Lady Crow?


    Yeah? What about her?


    She''s fucking terrified. Frightened of the Alliance, to be sure, but utterly terrified of you right now. I think if you showed up right now and asked to eat one of her daughters alive in front of her, she''d be regretting Adrienne not being in attendance.


    Right about then, as Karen savored the remaining cheese and pate on one of the flatbreads, Lady Crow drew herself up and asked, "does the Alliance expect Us to surrender?"


    Karen tilted her head, deliberately giving in to the rush of euphoria and confusion spreading through her from the flatbread. "We''re... not at war. We don''t want a war. Why would you need to surrender? Are you at war with someone else? If you are, I''m certain arrangements could be made to render assistance to a trustworthy, peaceful neighbor of the Alliance."


    Lady Crow practically threw her napkin on the table, stood, and nodded to Karen. "Sleep well."


    Karen stumbled to the door to Adrienne''s chambers. As the door opened, Cailyn cleared her throat. "Ambassador Smith."


    Karen turned, the otherwise empty room spinning gently after she did. "Cailyn. Call me Cailyn, Karen. I mean call me Karen, please, Cailyn Crow."


    Cailyn nodded. "Call me Cailyn. Do you like women then, Karen?"


    Karen chuckled. "Sure. M''best friends are women." She paused. "Oh! Wait, you meant... Why, do you like women?"


    Cailyn shrugged. "I''m uncertain, having never lain with man or woman as of yet." When Karen raised an eyebrow, Cailyn said, "mother has yet to have need of me in that particular diplomatic role."


    Karen cocked her head. "Until now, huh? Well then." She stepped forward, the bangles of the stripperific wedding dress tinkling around her as she closed the distance until Cailyn''s eyes filled her field of view. ."May I?"


    "You ask?"


    "My Goddess values Agency. May I?"


    "Do you want to?"


    Karen chuckled, "I want to know if you''re as attracted to women as I am. I ask a third time, May I?"


    Smiling, Cailyn nodded. Their lips met, and I swear to god I recognized my Marie''s technique as Karen''s tongue thoroughly explored Cailyn''s mouth down to the fuckin'' tonsils. Karen''s hands roamed, even guided Cailyn''s hands as they did. Endless moments later, Karen drew away, grinning.


    Tabitha?


    Yeah Dad?


    Please don''t fill my head with visceral tactile imagery of your Maenad''s tongue.


    Sorry Dad.


    De Nada.


    "Yep. You''re just as straight as I am. Which means if you really want to lose your innocence while I can claim involuntary intoxication, my door''s open, but yeah, you''re not really attracted to women."


    Cailyn blinked, her eyes refocusing. "You''d.. .offer yourself as a doxy to me?"


    Karen shrugged. "In this case, the words mean less than their meaning. My Goddess is a Goddess of Passion, of Ecstasy. Should you desire either, it would be an act of Devotion for me to share them with you." Her grin got a little conspiratorial. "If we can convince my Maid, though, we''d both best cancel our appointments for tomorrow. Maybe the day after. Walking might be difficult. As might speaking or thinking coherently. Totally worth it though." As Cailyn got the oddest pearlescent blush, Karen looked her up and down.


    "Shameless." Cailyn didn''t sound nearly as offended as the word might imply.


    "I have nothing to be ashamed of." Karen said, then leaned her head just a touch toward Cailyn. "Neither do you."


    "Ah. Well. I... Perhaps another time then." The words came out of Cailyn in a rush, and then she was gone.


    Karen stepped into the room, and thought, Goddess?


    My Kitten reached out and the vision of the past stopped, leaving me with the odd view of Karen pouring gargantuan bottles of cinnamon whiskey and one fifty one rum, the latter on fire, into the Maw. While giggling. Cackling like a madwoman, really.


    "Hey Kitten? Why can''t I go there again?"


    "After how Karen described you? You showing up uninvited would absolutely be an Act of War." Floating in the tub, she turned her back to me and settled onto my chest, pulling my arms around her. "That''s better. Magnificent or not, they''re terribly heavy at times."


    "Don''t they float?"


    "Hush, you, you''re the one who addicted me to bras."


    I snorted out a laugh at that. Not like I really minded. "Okay, but Marie''s there."


    "Ah, yes, but how is she dressed?"


    I thought about that for a second. "Oh, c''mon. Lady Crow doesn''t strike me as the kind of idiot who would underestimate a Maenad. Even if she doesn''t know who Marie is exactly."


    Saffron shook her head, and I enjoyed how her pony tail thwapped at my chin. "No, but that polite fiction marks Marie as a servant. Whether she is a menial tasked with cleaning, a lady''s maid, a bodyguard, or perhaps all three is immaterial. She is part of Karen''s retinue, and Lady Crow was prepared to entertain four Trolls and four Sailors. One Maid is, on balance, next to nothing."


    "Huh. Good to know we''ve got someone watching over Karen while she sleeps at least."


    "Indeed. It''s also good to know that Cailyn had no... inappropriate motives with Karen."


    I snorted out a laugh, maybe got a little handsy myself. "Nothing inappropriate, just tryna bed our Karen, huh?"


    "Exactly. Much as Lindsey did last night, albeit Cailyn is far less... gauche about the whole thing."


    "Yeah. Lindsey gives me the creeps. Total slimeball. Think he reminds me of something, someone, as well."


    Saffron perked up. "You think you remember him?"


    I shook my head. "Yes? Maybe? I have no fuckin'' clue."


    "What does your gut tell you?"


    "Uh... other than ''stuff my Kitten full of sweets, paint myself in honey, and see what happens?" She elbowed me, snorting, and I said, "yeah, part of me says make his head go pop and throw him in the tanning waste. Another part of me says use him ''til he breaks. A part I really don''t want to think about is saying the same thing, but thinking about spreading a fine layer of him over several hundred meters of my widest tentacle."


    Her shoulders hunched a little. "But nothing about... nothing connected to the curse."


    "Sorry, Kitten."


    "Oh, don''t be. You didn''t ask to be cursed." She turned her head half around to shoot me a little side eye. "Did you?"


    "Not that I remember. But, y''know, dumbass she-himbo. Maybe I did? Fuck."


    "That last is the most sensible thing you''ve said all day."


    Dreamt of Marie using the Leidenfrost Effect to skitter Ice Pops across my Maw, dripping cool, sweet Siobhan juice across my tentacles.


    Woke up to Karen still sleeping, and spent the latter half of the morning carving out the side buildings at the Homestead. The first half I worked with Saffron to bore a hole from near the peak of the low mountain our main house was built into straight down to the rearmost room. Apparently the steps would go in later. Also, apparently the bore lighting on fire wasn''t part of the plan, and we wound up using a combination of filling the bore with Created Water and Saffron creating an expanding Filtration Ward set to deny flames that started with us and expanded to cover the whole fuckin'' mountain. Bit of an oof, but more ''whoa, that''s heavy'' than ''oh, fuck, I hurt myself''.


    Early in the afternoon Karen pinged us. I am summoned to Court. I absolutely treasured the fact that she had to stand there listening to the bullshit Tallulah had to apparently deal with on the daily instead of me. I also treasured not having to stand a Tallulah''s throne width away from Lindsey all day, because that fucker gave me, personally, the creeps while watching him with Karen''s eyes.


    After the Bore was drilled, extinguished, and cooled, Marie arrived with the kids. Who were under very strict instructions, enforced by Murder Mittens herself, and miraculously agreed to by Menace and Maze both, to remain within the confines of the Main House, not even to venture into the interconected basements. I didn''t get to see directly, but watched them doing some... painting, I think? On the walls of one of the big rooms.


    The Overlord didn''t invite Karen to dinner with the family tonight. Instead, she sat to Tallulah''s left hand in the big banquet hall, right across from Lindsey. Weirdest thing, I kind of expected, like, small talk, but other than some really stilted questions about the cargo of the Questing Tentacle? Nothing. No small talk, no big talk, just eating with the occasional faint praise or condemnation of the food. Which was steaks. Small ones, but blue rare steaks. The entire banquet hall ate with the enthusiasm of a room full of five-year-old kids fed liver and brussels sprouts.


    When, at the end of the meal, Lady Crow led Karen to the upstairs table, which had only the two end chairs in evidence, with one big teacup set at each end, she turned and said, "I cannot dine in private every night."


    "Of course. We are all of us bound by duty."


    Lady Crow seemed to relax, then took a drink from her cup, relaxing even further as she did. Karen, who''d evaded all but a few nibbles of Fae bread, sipped her own. I swear to all that I hold dear I nearly fuckin'' came right there as the taste of liquid, almost gooey chocolate hit her tongue. "Oh, this is lovely."


    "From the isthmus to the south and west. It is quite distinctive and pleasant." They sipped at their... it seemed almost insufficient to call it ''hot cocoa''. This shit tasted and almost felt like the inside of a chocolate lava cake. "Where is the Hole Matriarch?"


    "Tabitha Diaz slew her."


    Lady Crow took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. "Of course she did. Single combat?"


    Karen shrugged. "The beast was draining the life of the entire Alliance Army. So... not precisely, but Tabitha was in fact the only one who could close with her, and," Karen tried, but couldn''t help but let a single snicker out. "slay her."


    "You find it amusing?"


    "My Goddess dropped a ship on her."


    The Overlord pursed her lips in a straight up Obama ''not bad'' face, then said, "I suppose there is some humor there. What sits at the center of Calverton Bay?"


    Karen smiled. "The ship my Goddess dropped on the Hole Matriarch. Her flagship. The Black Dragon."


    Lady Crow''s head tilted sideways. "Why can I not see it?"


    "Her hull is laced with Cold Iron." The Overlord frowned. "From what I''m given to understand, several thousand tons of it."


    Tallulah very slowly, very carefully winched her mouth shut. Then took another long pull of her chocolate. She took another deep breath, nodded, then squared her shoulders, the Overlord once more. "You have answered all my questions, with little evasion or hesitation. Ask one question, and I will answer with equal candor."


    Karen nodded, then took her time thinking while she finished her own chocolate. She carefully set the empty mug down on the saucer before speaking. "This was wonderful. Shortly after the Equinox, a person of significance to the Alliance had a persistent Spell placed on them. Testing by Archmage Aetos-Diaz showed the Spell to be Fae in nature. Consultation with the Weyland Smith revealed that the Spell is the handiwork of one trained by House Crow. What do you know of the Spell of which I speak?"


    The Overlord''s face went through an absolute roller coaster of emotions, all but the last almost perfectly hidden. Pride when Karen complimented the chocolate. Confusion and a little fear when Karen mentioned the curse. More fear and the beginnings of anger when Karen revealed the curse to be Fae, fear spiking when she dropped Conrad''s name, then her anger burning away the fear and becoming clear on her face when Karen accused House Crow. Tallulah visibly composed herself, then replied. "I know nothing. This is the first time I am hearing of this Spell." Rigid self control radiating from every inch of her body, she rose. "Sleep well." With that she turned and was gone into her rooms.


    Karen very carefully did not let out the breath she wanted to. Well, that''s something.


    A Sidhe noble like Tallulah Crow cannot lie. So... yes? It is? thought Saffron. Then, do as she says, Karen. Get some rest. Marie will watch over you.


    Thank you, Imperator. Good night, Imperator. Good night, Goddess.


    You did good, Karen. Thanks.


    Karen stood and walked to her door. The moment before she stepped through, someone pulled at her jacket. She turned to see a stick wobbling in front of her face, then followed it down. "Oh, hell no. Don''t even. Just don''t."


    Ria looked crestfallen, but shook her head, whispering, "shh! Mother doesn''t know I''m here." Then she braced her hands on Karen''s thighs and shoved her back into Adrienne''s rooms. Surprised and obviously not wanting to hurt the kid, Karen stumbled backwards, mentally whispering, Marie! I need you! As a witness if nothing else!


    As Murder Mittens stood and walked toward the pair, Ria looked up at Karen and stuttered out, "p, p, p, please, may I talk to Tabitha?"

 Day Four Hundred And Ninety-Five

    Dear Diary,


    "Embracing death without fear,


    Empowers Righteous Vengeance;


    Bloodlust overcomes that fear."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Bloodlust


    Y''know, I think some of this shit is stuff I haven''t thought of before, because I''m getting moments of visceral satori from some of this shit. Like this here, the idea that Bloodlust actually has a purpose. Seriously, I''ve read the good Bushido quotes; ROTC extra credit work. ''Embrace death without fear, and you shall never truly die'', ''Bushido is realized in the presence of death; this means choosing death whenever there is a choice between life and death''. I even had to do, like essays on why they said that, what it meant, and why it''s important. Because lets face it, humans are surprisingly durable, but if a trained, armed fighter wants to off themselves, it''s not a huge challenge. If samurai actually preferred death to life, they had plenty of opportunity to do that shit at home.


    But that was a huge part of the culture, and they did some really amazing shit in terms of individual combat feats. Formation fighting not so much, but the thing is when you look under the hood the same thing applies to formations of common soldiers too. It''s all about courage, in the end. Which isn''t ''omigod, I has no fear, because I''m blind and have a snazzy red suit and She-Hulk broke my hips''. It''s not the absence of fear, it''s the ability to be afraid, to be terrified, and do your part in combat anyhow. With old school formations, it''s about being part of a group. With modern fire teams, it''s about not letting your buddies down. With the samurai, it was all about accepting that you were already dead, so there was nothing to fear.


    Bloodlust is just another way of doing that. I think it might be the thing old school berserks used to do, or at least related. Yeah, maybe not, but maybe for some of them. Ooh! The Picts! Y''know, the dudes what painted themselves blue and ran screaming at the Roman Legions with nothing but a claymore, a smile, and a raging hard on stiff enough to punch through a scutum until they slapped it with their scrotum. Because there are very few things in life that most people can say ''if I die painfully, I die painfully, I want this that bad'', but telling the hindbrain ''we have mated'' is one of those. Like, if you can somehow cross the wires so killing the motherfucker in front of you sets off the old joy buzzer, death is no longer frightening. ''Why the fuck do I care about dying, I just spawned ninety seven times'' makes no goddamned sense, but... seriously. Look around at the couples who are clearly banging their fuckin'' brains out, and tell me they''re thinking clearly.


    Okay, I''m thinking perfectly clearly when going after my partners, because they''re all hot as fuck, but flip that script around and it makes sense again.


    At any rate, sunset yesterday brought a tiny Fae princess into my Highest Priestess'' room, specifically asking to talk to me, by name. Okay, knowing my name wasn''t exactly rocket science, I''m the Champion of the Alliance, I''ve personally kicked the shit out of half the eastern seaboard by now, and I''ve got a woman wearing a wedding dress made for a porn shoot going around shouting my virtues to anyone who''ll listen. I think maybe I ought to sit down for one of her sermons at some point, because I still have trouble remembering that I actually have virtues, let alone what they are.


    "That could be arranged," Karen replied. "I will tell her why you wish to speak with her, and see when she can make herself available."


    Ria pouted, her eyes going shifty before she muttered something too low for even my Murder Mittens to catch it. I bit my lip, because I wanted to advise Karen, and kinda wanted to talk to the little redhead who reminded me so much of my Menace, but after her mom saw Saffron and I looking through Karen''s eyes, I really wasn''t copacetic about Ria not being able to hear me talking in Karen''s head.


    "No one has told you no."


    Pout two, pout harder twisted up Ria''s face. Totes adorbs, but something told me now was not the time to pop over and pinch her little cheeks. "Not yes means no."


    Karen''s lips curved into a lopsided smile. "On the other hand, not no might mean yes."


    Karen, Marie, and Ria stood there while she chewed on that. Eventually she whispered, "I''m not supposed to tell anyone."


    "You intend to tell Tabitha."


    Ria shrugged. "She knows already."


    Everybody on our end of the conversation spent a few moments choking down disbelieving laughter. Luckily I totally chose my High Priestess for her quick wits or some shit. "What my Goddess knows, I know." Ria looked over at Marie. "She does as well." The kid kept frowning, like she couldn''t quite reconcile everything. "I shall entrust you with a secret known only to my Goddess'' High Clergy, and you will entrust us with your secret?"


    Ria thought that through, and Karen went silent, giving her all the time she needed. The lethargy from the Fae bread she ate at dinner and the warm syrupy chocolate she''d shared with Tallulah had, at least temporarily, been banished by a shot of pure adrenaline right to the back of Karen''s head, but that started to flag as she waited. Finally, as Karen reached out a hand to Marie, who took her by the hand and stepped close enough to support her if need be, Ria said, "That... sounds acceptable?"


    Karen nodded. "My Goddess has four High Priestesses; what one sees and hears, all can see and hear." Ria nodded, rolling her eyes just a little bit as if to say ''tell me something I didn''t know already''. "I am one. The second is Sister Siobhan Darling, Healer at Phileo City Heroic Academy. She is the third," Karen nodded to Marie, and Ria''s eyes got a little wide. "The fourth, the first of us, the greatest of us, is my Goddess'' wife, the Imperator herself, Phileo Hero, Archmage Saffron Aetos-Diaz."


    Ria let out a little gasp, but I''m not sure if it was from the information or Karen''s delivery. Then she whined, "The Imperator is listening?" Karen nodded. "I really shouldn..." her words devolved into a whine.


    What the fuck else could I do? Sorry, Karen. I took over her mouth and said, "it''s okay, Ria. You don''t have to tell. I''d like to know, but not if it hurts you."


    She looked up into Karen''s eyes, and a smile blossomed across her face, but her keening never stopped. Saffron grabbed Karen''s voice for a moment and said, "I release you from your promise, child." The keening went almost silent, but didn''t stop. "If I swear not to listen in, will it help?" The kid twitched. "Then speak softly. Too softly for any of us to hear." She lifted Karen''s hands over her ears, and nodded to Marie, who did the same.


    I couldn''t hear what Ria muttered, but the moment she finished, she looked up and said, "Tabitha?"


    Karen, may I? At Karen''s silent Consent, I took full control of my Highest Priestess. I bent my knees to squat in front of her, eye to eye, and said, "Hey, kiddo. You wanted to talk to me?"


    The next moment I flopped onto my butt as my arms filled with Fae kid. "Tabitha! I hoped you''d be okay! Did you... defuse..." she stumbled over the word a little, "the shell?" She shook her head, visibly taking herself in hand. "That''s not important. You wouldn''t be here if you didn''t. But..." She nodded, squared her shoulders, then kind of sheepishly said, "did you see your Mother?"


    I froze as my brain cycled through images of the Goddess I knew as Sigyn, but who my eyes, my ears, my heart told me was my mother, Marie Diaz. I pulled the kid to me as my eyes watered, forcing myself to be gentle as I held her, returned her joyous little hug, and whispered, "how did you know that?"


    She pulled back, confused but not yet upset. "Because... but... It''s what you asked for?"


    "Shit. Uh. Saffron? The fuck?"


    My Kitten took control of my mouth for a second. "Child, did you cast a Spell on Tabitha?" Ria''s lips clamped shut, and her head jerked. "Did you Shape Mana upon her?" Another headshake. "Did you do anything to her involving Mana or Magic or Divine power of any kind?"


    Ria looked like she was trying to stare at her own chin. "I... think so."


    "You did something, but you''re not sure it qualifies as one of those?" Ria nodded. "Whatever you did, it has done Tabitha a mischief."


    Ria''s eyes shot wide. "NO!" Her head shook, and she curled into a little ball.


    I pulled her into a hug and said, "it''s okay, kiddo. It''s okay. I''m not hurt, not really. I''m not in pain. You didn''t mean to hurt me, did you?" Her head twitched, but she kept sobbing. "Then it''s okay. Can you, uh, maybe undo what you did?" She shook her head again. "Why not?"This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    She looked up at me, crestfallen. "I don''t know how."


    I nodded. "Does you mom know how?"


    "I don''t know. She''ll be mad. She''ll be mad I hurt you, mad I... did what I did... Mad, mad, mad."


    I smiled down at her. "Karen tell you what I''m a Goddess of, kiddo?" She shook her head. "Well, among other things? I''m a Goddess of Children. I protect them. So if your mom gets mad at you, she can yell and stomp around and be mad all she wants. She might give you some consequences if what you did was wrong." Ria tensed. "But if she tries to hurt you? She''ll have to come through me to do it." She looked up at me, mouth dropping open. "Now, I get that you can''t tell me what you did. Can your mom tell me?" She nodded. "Promised her you wouldn''t tell anybody?" She shrugged. "Promised you wouldn''t tell somebody like the Imperator." She nodded. "Okay then. For what it''s worth, your mom has no idea what you did. But I think you ought to tell her, maybe."


    "I guess so."


    I nodded. "Can you tell us why you did it?" She looked conflicted. "Don''t know where to start?" She shrugged. "Just... start at the beginning, and tell me all the way up to where you can''t tell me."


    "Okay! Uh..." She thought for a little bit, then nodded. "So, Mother sent me to the Calverton Townhouse because things were happening here and I shouldn''t be here."


    I nodded. "So you''d be safe?"


    "Yes! Um, then everyone in the City started getting sick. It still wasn''t safe to come home, and the Townhouse is safe, so we just stayed inside with the doors closed."


    More to keep her talking I asked, "What did you eat?"


    She shrugged. "We had bread." Her tongue blepped with the unpleasant memory. "So much bread. Blech. Jerkey. Blech blech." She shook her head. "Anyway, after a while," she shuddered and whispered, "the Undead came."


    "How did you find out about them?"


    She nodded, acting like my question was smart. "Mother sent bodyguards with me." She frowned. "By then I think everyone else left. Just me, and my bodyguards, and Bloodwing."


    "Bloodwing?"


    "My Steed. But I only rode him there. And back, of course."


    Trying to keep her talking without thinking too much about it, I asked, "what are your bodyguard''s names?"


    She shook her head, laughing. "Bodyguards don''t have names, silly!" That... really wasn''t copacetic making but I nodded, and she continued. "Anyway, we heard the battles outside, but we couldn''t go out. Not even my bodyguards, because they might lead the Undead back to me. So we waited, hoping Mother would come, hoping someone would drive the Undead away." She got a faraway look. "I slept a lot."


    "And then?"


    She frowned and winced. Before I could withdraw the question, she said, "a big hunk of Cold Iron. A... shell? A shell, you called it, burst through the wall, crashed through the floor, and landed on me where I sat at my desk." Her lip trembled. "It hurt. It hurt so bad. It... it burned me. Bloodwing and my bodyguards tried to move it, but it burned them. It burned one of them all the way away, and the other stopped trying. I... I don''t know how long I lay there, but I couldn''t move. It was so heavy. So hot." Almost like she didn''t realize, she rubbed at her side. "It burned..." She shook her head. "But I said that already!"


    "You did. Are you... did you... do you need healing?"


    She smiled up at me, joyous again. "No! Silly, you already Healed me! One day, early in the morning, I heard someone come through the door, and I called out. I... I tried to scream, but all I could do was whisper. But you heard me! You heard me and leapt down and told me to be very still, because the Cold Iron shell would explode if I didn''t. You lifted it, all by yourself, and set it to the side, and picked me up, and carried me out of my room, and Healed me!"


    "And then?"


    She looked at the ceiling, working her mouth. "We talked. Just a little. I said how much I missed my Mother. You said something..." She thought, mouth working. "You said, ''Yeah, kid, I wish I could see my Mom too'', then you sighed, and looked so tired and sore, and said, ''I wish I could just forget all this and spend my time back at home.'' And... um... you''d saved my life, so..."


    I waited, my palm creeping up to my face. "So...?"


    "I can''t tell you the rest," she squeaked.


    I sighed. "You did something?" She nodded. "So I could see my Mom?" Another nod. "And spend time back at home?" She shrugged. I pulled her into a hug. "Well. Ain''t that just a thing. Yeah, kid. I got to see my Mom. And I''ve spent a lot of time at home lately. So whatever you did? It worked."


    "Really?" I nodded, and she let out the weirdest sigh, grinning while she did. "I''m glad!"


    "Yeah, we''re gonna have to talk to your mom about this tonight, I think." She winced, and I said, "don''t worry, kid. Wait until Karen''s there to tell her. I''ll be watching. I''ll keep you safe."


    "Really?" I nodded. She threw her arms around my neck. "Thank you!"


    "Think I ought to go now though, unless you had something else to talk about?"


    She looked a little mulish, reminding me so much of Menace it hurt, but she said, "can you come back?"


    "Tell you what, kiddo, you get me an invite? I''ll come see you in person. Or get permission from your mom and Karen or Marie can bring you to see me at Lancaster House. Whichever you like." She nodded, and I pulled back, letting Karen have her body back.


    "It might be best if you return to your rooms, little one."


    Ria looked up at her. "Can I stay here for the night? Please? It''s lonely in my room all alone."


    Karen shook her head, but in resignation, not denial. "Do you have a nightgown?" Ria nodded. "Marie, please escort her to get her nightgown on?"


    Ria''s eyes got real big, but she took one of Murder Mitten''s fingers and pulled her out the door.


    Thank you, my Goddess.


    For what? All I did was talk with a kid. I mean, today. Looks like I also... fuck. I turned to Saffron. "I fucking asked for it, didn''t I?"


    Saffron looked up at me, smiling. "Forget about all this?"


    "I was doing search and rescue work, wasn''t I?" Saffron nodded. "Fuck. Everything I''ve ever read about that says its stressful and exhausting and.. shit, yeah, I probably did want to forget all that shit and come home to you and the kids and Marie and Siobhan and just... chill."


    A smile had stretched across Saffron''s face when I was speaking. "Even forgetting everything, all that has happened." I tilted my head, and she lay a hand on my chest. "You still think of us as ''home''. Even when missing your mother."


    I picked her up, carried her back to the cuddle pile, and snuggled in to sleep with her. Some tears may have been involved. Most of them happy, I think?


    Dreamt of one big tentacle wrapping around Karen and my Ice Pop and my Murder Mittens and absolutely first and foremost around my Kitten, squeezing them until they dripped into my Maw, then sponging up the drippings with them and doing it again, while all of them melted and sighed and cuddled that fuzzy black tentacle.


    Pinged Karen while we were setting up to work at the Homestead, after we got the kids started working in the main house. You awake?


    Barely, came the muzzy reply.


    Okay then. Business as usual until Lady Crow takes you back upstairs for or after dinner. Let the kid know that''s when she should tell her mom.


    Yes, Goddess.


    The day passed in kind of a blur. Most of the North ''bunkhouse'' cut in, down to little chunks and bits that, if they had to, the Maenads could carve out. Or one of the women with some stone working experience, since the delivery the other day had some masonry tools.


    Early afternoon, as I sat melting another ring of the tower, Karen pinged me. I am accompanying Lady Crow to Court.


    Back her up. Karen replied with a wordless question. Her kid was tryna do me a favor. Doing something I asked for. Not her fault I''m a dumbass.


    After another couple hours, Karen''s voice whispered into my brain. She is fishing.


    Huh?


    She seeks information on the... curse seems the wrong word now, but she is seeking obliquely, lest the perpetrator catch wind and flee. I wouldn''t have realized if I didn''t know.


    Well. Shit. She''s trying at least. Don''t tell her, but keep backing her up.


    As you wish, Goddess.


    The Overlord had dinner with her Court again, only this time Ria was seated across from Karen, at the Overlord''s right hand. As she has been all day.


    Kept her mouth shut?


    She did.


    Good kid. Let me know when you''re on the stairs.


    With the sun lowering to the horizon, Lady Crow led Karen up the steps, Ria trailing behind. The table had only two seats again, and steaming cups of chocolate sat before each one. When Ria didn''t disappear into her rooms, Tallulah frowned. "Child, this sweet is not for you."


    Karen cleared her throat, and Lady Crow turned to look at her. Before she could say anything, Karen announced, "we have discovered the person responsible for the magical effect."


    Lady Crow froze. Almost as if she wasn''t aware of her own motion, she waved one hand at the table, and table, chairs, and chocolate all wafted away dissipating like smoke. "Who?"


    Ria stepped forward, and before Tallulah could say anything, said, "Mother. I have used my," she hissed the last word, as if she thought she could keep it secret, "Blessing."


    Her mother''s face fell. "You..." She turned to Karen. "Her?" Karen nodded, and Tallulah blinked. Something pearlescent and glowing faintly dropped away from her eyes. "Your... person of significance would have my child''s Blessing removed?"


    Karen nodded, quietly stating, "while well intentioned, it has had unfortunate side effects."


    Lady Crow drew a deep breath, squared her shoulders. "If it is removed, will the Alliance guarantee the safety of my people, my House, my City?"


    Saffron looked out of Karen''s eyes, stared until the ruler of Rich Man''s Port nodded to acknowledge her. "We will."


    The Overlord looked down at her daughter. "This brings me great sorrow, child. Know that if there were any other way..." She stopped, closed her eyes, and through Karen''s eyes I saw her hand twitch. Little pearlescent shards slipped from her wrist, from her palm, coalescing into a single long blade dangling loosely from her hand. I realized right then that whether it crackled and hissed and glowed or not, those drops of mother of pearl were pure Mana. In one smooth motion, she stepped forward, the Blade swinging across right at Ria''s neck level.


    Our point of view flowed sideways, and a moment before the pearlescent Blade decapitated Ria, it slammed into a black-cored, glowing white Blade extended from Karen''s hand.


    Karen opened her mouth, but Lady Crow cried out, "this is the only way!" as she pulled back and set to lunge.


    I didn''t think. There was nothing to think about. I leapt. Right before landing I fell through... something. Something that shattered under my weight like a wall made of paper.


    Tallulah lunged. Tried to lunge. I looked over her shoulder to see Ria standing there, eyes squeezed shut, holding herself motionless as Karen stood behind her, Mana Blades out and ready to parry.


    I leaned in, pulling Tallulah back to me, forcing the surprisingly tall bitch down to one knee until I could slip my mouth next to her ear. "If you harm a child, I will kill you, right then, right there. If you harm this child in my sight, while I bid you hold? I will force you to live in agony until you die of old age."


    "I am Sidhe. Immortal," Tallulah breathed.


    The sun set. Darkness washed across the Mortal Realm and Underhill alike. I gripped Tallulah''s wrists, her ankles, laid one hand on her waist, caressed her cheek, and breathed into her ear. "I know."

 Day Four Hundred And Ninety-Six

    Dear Diary,


    "If you need to use Bloodlust,


    To overcome fear of death,


    Be sure that your cause is just."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Bloodlust


    Yeah, I know what I wrote yesterday about needing to overcome fear of death to be able to do what you need to do on a battlefield. Or in an emergency. Or any time your life is threatened but you have to act anyway. But at the same time I gotta make sure I''m not empowering a whole generation of Leeroy Jenkins either. Nothing worse than a recruiting a shit ton of people, getting a plan in place that''ll get the job done with minimal risk of casualties, then have some bozo or bozos rushing in all fired up with their brains shut down and fucking things up worse than they started.


    So I''ve already talked about Justified Homicide and Vengeance, and spent a lot of time talking about what makes something righteous as opposed to petty. Trust me, I can be a petty bitch when the situation calls for it, but frankly most of those situations are not actually life or death. Oh, sure, I''ll make sure whoever I''m dealing with knows that painful death is in fact an available option if I think they''re the sort who needs to know that. But there''s a big difference between explaining to somebody what''s likely to happen if they keep walking down the path of being killed painfully and not just killing someone, but treating someone''s painful death as a one use sex toy.


    Of course, you gotta be prepared to pull on your big girl panties and do unto others if somebody really does go the route of ''yes please, Tabitha, ram my eyeballs up my own asshole without disconnecting the optic nerve''. Some motherfuckers just need to die, and some other motherfuckers will in fact straighten up and fly right if they realize that their former boss can no longer see them, not because he''s dead, but because he can''t see anything but his own rectum.


    Speaking of threatening people with fates worse than death, at sunset yesterday I kinda did that to the mom of the kid I''d been trying to save. Then again, said mom was tryna kill her, although to be fair regarding her motives she had confirmed that if she took the Fae whammy off me we, meaning the Alliance, which also pretty much low key meant me, would protect her City and what remained of her family. So, like, not something I was gonna let happen, but also not something I could call her an awful person for. Just another fucked up bitch tryna protect what she could in this crapsack world.


    Still straining against me, she whispered, "you would go to war to save a single child?"


    "Might want to ask Diana that question." Oddly, that got, like, zero response. "Y''know, for somebody who seems to move in tune with the Moon, you seem pretty out of touch when it comes to your Moon Goddess news." Lady Crow, Overlord of Rich Man''s Port, and most importantly to me right at the moment Ria Crow''s mom and would be murderess, continued to say nothing. I sighed. "Yes, I would absolutely start a war to save a single child. Do I have to?"


    "You have attacked me in my own home. Is this not an Act of War by the Alliance?"


    I turned her around so she could see my face. She pushed back the entire time. Not that it mattered, what with a tentacle on each limb, and more backing me up as needed. "Lady? When I go to war, you will know it. If the Alliance goes to war against you, you won''t know it unless you''re very, very lucky and very, very cautious, because people who''ve been killed to death rarely know anything." She just half knelt there, staring at me. For what it''s worth she wasn''t really glaring. Maybe a little bit of a mad on because I''d manhandled her, a tiny bit of confusion, a delicious undercurrent of terror whenever one of my tentacles twitched against her limbs, but mostly just that same impassive stare I''d come to know and lowkey not like very much.


    Right then Ria whispered, "Tabitha? Please don''t hurt my Mother."


    I sighed, my shoulders slumping a little. "I don''t want to, but I will not let her hurt you."


    "But... I''ve... I''m the one who hurt you?"


    I shook my head. "Nah, kid. You tried to help me, fu... messed it up just the tiniest bit because I''m apparently the dumbest bi... bimbo on the continent, and while I think I''d really like to have the side effects Karen mentioned gone? It was a gift, and some parts of it," my eyes watered as I thought about how I saw Sigyn. "Some parts of it are absolutely perfect."


    "Oh." She slumped a little bit.


    At which point her mom cut in. "So... My daughter? Will you continue to defend her? Or is she doomed to perish by the hand of another?"


    I blinked, looking over to confirm that not only was Karen still standing there with the wedding dress preferred by nine out of ten wanton sluts, Mana Blades still out and ready to defend Ria against her mom and anybody else who came at her, Marie had also moved into position where anybody coming at Karen from the flank or rear would wind up getting a face full of Marie, briefly, until she turned their rear into flank steaks. I shook my head and looked back at Lady Crow. "Uh, the fuck you talkin'' about?"


    "We cannot remove my daughter''s Blessing. We cannot earn the support of the Alliance. With that support removed, and my House''s defenses breached, she is in mortal danger." Ria''s hand shifted toward the stick she carried across her back, and Tallulah tried to shake her head. "No, daughter. Your study is admirable, but you are not, in fact, strong enough to do more than perhaps mark your killer as such."


    As Ria pouted, before she opened her mouth and made things possibly worse, I said, "Okay, look, I''m not the best at diplomacy, but if I''m here, I don''t see a reason we can''t bring in somebody who is. No offense Karen."


    "None taken."


    "So, Tallulah. Lady Crow. Overlord. May the Imperator join us?"


    Tallulah barked out something like a laugh. "You ask now? With my Home invaded and my Threshold shattered?"


    "Oh, shit. Is that what that was? Sorry about that. Anyhow, yeah, when nobody''s threatening a kid, or one of my family, or one of my people? I am a fu... a blessed ray of sunshine, a joy to be around." She raised an eyebrow. "Seriously. Stop tryna kill your kid and I''ll stop pretending you''re a posable live sized Overlord action figure."


    "You keep calling me that."Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    "What?"


    "Overlord. As if you have not defeated me."


    I leaned in close to her ear again, because I didn''t want Ria to really grok what I was saying. "Lady, if I defeat you and you''re alive to tell the tale, you won''t have time or attention to spare to things like ''not screaming in pain''. Now, may the Imperator join us?"


    "If I say no?"


    I shrugged. "Then you gotta deal with my clumsy ass interrupting Karen tryna be an actual diplomat, and we''ll wind up going in circles all night long as you try to trick or trap or pull some kinda bullsh... trickery out of your ah... Yeah, I''m probably gonna wind up getting pissed and doing something like asking Ria to go find more cups of chocolate so I can talk to you without censoring myself all the time, which will leave you nobody to talk to but me. Which, I''ll remind you, if you stop tryna off your own kid, would at worst wind up with us both drunk with embarrassing new stories to tell. So since I don''t think any of us want that..."


    "Watch." Marie interrupted me, half glaring, half smiling at Lady Crow.


    "Okay, nobody but my Murder Mittens and probably my other partners want that, because they think it''s funny watching me pitch amateur rizz and still somehow not striking out, I ask for a third time. May I please bring the Imperator here to speak with you?"


    Her jaw dropped a little. "You would plead with me?"


    "Will it get you to say yes?"


    I think I might have knocked her train off thought off the rails just a little. She said, "yes?" like she''d forgotten the meaning of the word or something.


    Saffron, resplendent in her black dress with the boots and the lingerie and the everything that had a little drool forming in my mouth just looking at it, stood in front of the two of us. And curtsied. "Overlord."


    Tallulah barked out another laugh. "You mock me as well then?"


    Without a trace of humor in her voice or body language, Saffron said, "I Archmage Saffron Aetos-Diaz, Imperator of the Inter-City Alliance, recognize you, Tallulah Crow, Lady Crow of House Crow, as Overlord of Rich Man''s Port." Lady Crow stiffened. "I regret the necessity of damaging your home, but our Champion saw no other way to prevent an avoidable tragedy, one which is anathema to her as a Deity of Children." Tallulah opened her mouth to speak, but Saffron drove over her, and ain''t nobody who interrupts my Kitten when she''s on a roll like that. "Both due to your daughter''s generous use of her Blessing to please our Champion, as well as your own offer to sacrifice your own cherished daughter to correct what you saw as an affront to the Alliance, both she and I look favorably upon you and your house. So long as you do not betray our trust, the Alliance will defend your family, your people, and your City against foreign aggressors for as long as it takes to discover an alternate means to alleviate the unfortunate side effects of your daughter''s Blessing."


    Lady Crow''s mouth worked, but no sound came out at first. We all stood, staring, until she whispered out, "but... there is no other way to remove a Blessing."


    Saffron leaned forward conspiratorially, "and your objection to retaining our support until I find one is?"


    Tallulah''s tension... changed. She didn''t strain against me quite so much. "You would give me such a gift, even with my daughter''s slight against your Alliance unresolved?"


    Saffron tilted her head. "Gift? What gift? I choose to recognize you as Overlord of Rich Man''s Port, because you have shown yourself to be a trustworthy neighbor. The Alliance will of course defend you and yours, as retaining a trustworthy neighbor is to the benefit of the Alliance." She paused. "So. Will you put your Blade away?"


    The Overlord relaxed, or at least stopped trying to lunge toward her daughter entirely. Her Blade remained in her hand, though. "I do fear for the safety of my daughter, still. One Maenad and one High Priestess, no matter how doughty, might not be enough to keep her safe."


    "You sent her to Calverton for her safety, yes?"


    "Yes. But with Calverton''s defenses less than they once were, assassins need only travel down the river and up the bay to reach her."


    Saffron nodded. "What of your other children?"


    Tallulah shrugged. "They are grown. I would that they not come to harm, but If they cannot fend for themselves..."


    "You do have bodyguards, do you not?"


    "They are stretched thin, guarding three children and myself. Especially after our recent losses."


    Saffron pursed her lips. "Should you only have one child to guard, would that ease your burden?" Lady Crow nodded. "Then I propose two compacts, one between Rich Man''s Port and the Alliance, the other between House Crow and House Aetos-Diaz. For the former, send one of your elder children to Newark as Ambassador to the Alliance. As hosts, the Alliance will provide security for whomever you send. As to the latter," she turned to Ria. "My fianc¨¦ Marie and I have six children, some around your... size." She turned back to Tallulah. "Foster her with us. We will care for her as one of our own, as you''ve done with our Ambassador, Tabitha''s High Priestess. We will guard her as one of our own as well, of course. This will not only lower the load on your bodyguard, but free your hand to further secure your position here in Rich Man''s Port."


    "I..." She took a deep breath, then said, "I mean no offense, but what guards will you place on my daughter? Daughters?"


    Saffron nodded. "Cailyn, if you choose her as ambassador, will be housed in the Grand Council building, which is also the military headquarters of the Alliance, and as such is surrounded by troops and Heroes at all times. They will guard her as well as they guard our own Grand Councilors, you have my word." She paused, then smiled. "As for your other daughter, until our Homestead finishes construction, we are staying at Lancaster House; Heir Lancaster is Tabitha''s Champion, and would take it amiss should any guest of his House be targeted, let alone harmed. Beyond that, the suite in which she would stay currently houses those who will move with us when our Homestead is complete. Roughly a dozen High Priestesses, three of whom are Tabitha''s High Priestesses. an equal number of Maenads, who are no more likely to allow a child under their protection to come to harm than Tabitha herself. Our Concubine Sister Siobhan Darling, Healer of Phileo City Heroic Academy, who you can be sure will attend to any injuries promptly. Our fianc¨¦, Marie, Maid of Phileo City Heroic Academy, Maenad Champion of Dionysus, will personally care for your daughter alongside her own collection of scamps."


    "Yes."


    Saffron smiled at Marie''s interruption, then continued. "Finally, my Wife, mother of my child, Tabitha Diaz herself... well, you have seen for yourself her response to your child being threatened." My Kitten leaned forward again. "Just between you and me, I suspect you owe your continued respiration, not to mention still retaining your full complement of limbs, to the fact that she didn''t want to harm you in front of your little girl."


    "You will protect them?" Saffron nodded. "And my City?" Another nod. "And my people?" A third nod. "From whatever or whomever endangers them?" Saffron nodded again, smiling. "What must I do for my part of this compact?"


    "Agree to allowing us to Foster your daughter Ria. Agree to abide by any treaties your daughter Cailyn signs with the Alliance," the Imperator held up a hand, "we will, of course, provide transport for her to return here to confer with you should she need it. Agree to remain neutral in any wars the Alliance finds itself embroiled in, if you cannot assist us."


    I loosened my grip on Lady Crow, and she stood. "I admit to surprise that you have not demanded Rich Man''s Port become part of your Alliance."


    Saffron shrugged, smiled, and leaned in conspiratorially once more. "That''s the trick, you see. The hidden hook. Once you have come to enjoy some of the benefits of the Alliance, once your people come to do so as well, when your daughters see what life is like within our borders? We won''t need to demand. Simply await your offer to join us, and joyously accept when you do."


    "Joyously?"


    "Joyously."


    The Overlord opened her hand, her Blade falling to dust before it hit the floor. I released her, and she held out a hand. "I Accept."


    The Imperator clasped the Overlord''s outstretched hand, and both women nodded. A moment later a little redheaded missile arrowed toward us. Saffron must have heard her, or seen her through my eyes, because she stepped to the side.


    Completely took me by surprise when Tallulah did too, and I suddenly found myself glomped by a cheering little Fae.

 Day Four Hundred And Ninety-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    "Don''t forget Bloodlust is still lust,


    And Agency still matters,


    Give your opponents a choice."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Bloodlust


    Yeah, just thought of that, probably a direct result of some needs that Saffron took care of after our meeting with Tallulah yesterday. But if somebody''s gonna be literally getting off on turning some poor asshole into a desecrated corpse, they need to both let them know beforehand that doing unto is what polishes the pearl, and also give them their target the opportunity to opt out. I mean, in the case of the Big Bad Evil Guy of a Vengeance death run, them giving up might leave things kinda tricky, but still, if you get to the Big Bad and they literally lie face down on the floor with their hands on their head, at that point dictating their future, whether that be time served, community service, or a clean unsexy execution, I think that counts as a complete win.


    Okay, yeah, I''m well aware of the propensity of rich guys in my old world for walking away from their crimes with a slap on the wrist and a smirk, but when someone is angry to the point of ''literally get off on watching the light go out in my enemy''s eyes'', they''re gonna tend toward wrist chopping rather than wrist slapping. Which has its own problems, sure, but ''warlords, dictators, and other oligarchs'' are a medieval problem that calls for medieval solutions. Like, I get it, most of the world I''m in now is run that way, but there''s a huge, huge difference between ''somebody needs to keep track of who''s doing what and make sure shit gets shipped where we need it and make decisions that require all that information'' like Larry and Bonnie seem to be doing, and the ''I''m in charge, so everybody give me all your stuff, spread your legs, and hope I''m in the mood for getting it on rather than torturing you to death'' like Zeus.


    So, y''know, the trick is to both encourage folks like Larry to recognize that they''ve got a job to do, and so long as they''re doing with a certain sense of humility and a shit ton of effectiveness, nobody''s gonna give a fuck that they get the biggest apartment and sit at the head of the table. Like, if everybody''s eating the same waffles, and everybody''s got a bed to sleep in, clothes to wear, the same quality roof, all that good shit? Everything else is just negotiable details. Somehow I get that Larry gets that. Sure as fuck I''d have spent some time educating his ass if he didn''t, what with him calling me his ''Patron'' and shit. Which is still pretty fuckin'' weird, that I''m somebody''s Patron. Is it weird that I can almost, maybe, kinda see myself being a Goddess, if only because I don''t really believe in gods in the first place, and I don''t have to, I dunno, actually adjudicate gravity or weather or any of that shit, so it''s not, like, real, but being a ''Patron'' is more of a thing I can relate to, like a rich guy who funds somebody or some kind of eGirl influencer or some shit in a para-social relationship with somebody.


    I still find it hilarious that you claim to remain an atheist.


    Just because we exist is no call to believe in us.


    My brain filled with the sounds of laughter from Loki and secondhand from Mom. Thank you, Daughter. If all you had done was bring laughter back into my life before the end, I would thank you for that.


    The fuck? The end? Something you ain''t telling me, old man?


    Nothing I haven''t told you before. When we met, even for a time after, I was in decline. Fated to perish before long, possibly with one last huzzah at Ragnarok. But then...


    I found the sudden quiet in my head more than a little disturbing. What? Then what? You can''t do that, talk about ''oh, I''m almost dead'', then go quiet mid-sentence, you old bastard.


    My parents weren''t married, but only because I predate the institution of marriage as it exists today. That said, I was fated to break free before Ragnarok.


    Okay, yeah, and?


    You freed me. First cutting my chains, then the stalagmites to which I was bound, then banishing my jailers from the cave in which I am imprisoned.


    So... why are you imprisoned there again?


    I''d never felt the emotion of someone about to get petty revenge before. Not sure why, but he thought, part of the deal which banished my jailers, I am to remain here, bound by your given word. To be tortured, daily. But instead of the serpent dripping acid on me, Sigyn dangles herself before me like a sweetmeat I may not have. Which she has gotten quite good at, mind you. Both finding new ways to torment me and reveling in the resultant release of tension.


    Gah! Brain bleach! Brain bleach! She''s half your size!


    A fuzzy chuckle I did not need to hear reverberated through my brain. Not even, really. Perhaps just under a third.


    That''s worse! Can''t you see how that''s worse? For fuck''s sake, it''s half her size!


    Hmm. I was about to say something about size queens, but... go ahead, dear.


    I really wanted the brain bleach right after that, because the sound that followed was one that, if Saffron, Siobhan, or Marie were were making it, would absolutely paint my face with indelible smug. Y"know, that shuddery right on the edge of pain, maybe even over that edge, but not caring because every happy painkilling happy making brain chemical in the world made everything happening feel so fucking good nothing else mattered. I did not, absolutely did not, need to hear what my fuckin'' Mom''s voice sounded like making that noise.


    Literally.


    Thanks. Dad. You''re. The. Best.


    I know.


    Wait!


    Yes?


    What the fuck does all that have to do with me?


    Oh. Yes. Immediately after you turned this cave into a home in truth, hearth and all? You revealed yourself to me. Mimic. God Eater. Black Swan with a Thousand Thousand Young. Walking Ragnarok. So... my release did, from my perspective, presage the arrival of Ragnarok.


    Oh. I hadn''t thought about that title as anything but, y''know, another of the list of really awful things about me. Not that too many people used it except, y''know, Saffron when she was trying to beat somebody about the head and shoulders with my supposed Divinity. Usually me, come to think of it. Thanks, Dad. You really are the best.


    Sigyn''s voice whispered into my brain with a pitch and timber I did not need in my brain in her voice just then. He knows.


    So last night Ria and I had an impromptu sleepover in the rooms Lady Crow had lent Karen. What with the whole ''we''re doing this to ward against assassins'', we didn''t bring the kids down. The rationale behind us not just taking her back to our place right then came down to Saffron being kinda too tired to put metaphoric plywood over the hole I''d smashed in the Keep''s defenses, and Cailyn actually wanting to pack for her move to Newark.


    Nothing at all to do with Saffron sitting down to talk social details with Tallulah over cups of warm chocolate syrup. Or the absolutely delightful chocolate laced grin she gave me when I Co-Located to escort her home with a brief stop on the way, because reasons.


    Spent most of yesterday packing. Since we stayed the night anyway, packing up all of Ria''s outfits and assorted knickknacks she wanted to bring along took most of the day. Not because it should have taken the whole fuckin'' day, but because she looked at each and every blessed thing in her room and spent a bit pondering whether she wanted to take it or not. But I guess if you literally have an eternity to work with, ''rushing'' wasn''t something that came naturally, and there wasn''t really a time crunch to anything, and we were taking her away from her home. Like, if I''d been given the option of bringing shit along with me, there''s a few things I''d have grabbed before being isekaied. No, not all of them were sex toys.


    So that ate up most of yesterday. When we finished, with her standing there next to three little bundles, looking like she was trying to decide which one or maybe two to take, I squatted down next to her. "Nervous?" She glanced over at me, then nodded. "Can''t decide?" She shook her head. I half turned. "Marie?" My magnificent Murder Mittens stepped up and scooped all three bundles up.


    Ria looked up at Marie, a little confusion plain on her face, and said, "thank you, Maenad."


    "Her name''s Marie."


    "Thank you, Marie." She turned to me. "Why is she dressed like a Maid?"


    I smiled as I scooped her up. "Because she is one, among many, many other things, and she enjoys it."The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.


    "True."


    We stood there like that for a moment while Ria chewed that over. "What other things?"


    "Oh, lots. Lots and lots. Like I said, she''s the Head Maid at the Phileo Academy," Marie smirked at me from behind Ria''s back, blepping when I grinned in reply. "Champion of Dionysus, High Priestess,"


    "Of who?"


    "Me! And she''s Saffron and my Fianc¨¦."


    I''d never heard Marie sound quite so snarky before. "Not."


    I looked over at her, where she waggled a hand, specifically a finger with only one ring on it. "Okay, okay, you''re right. She''s Saffron''s Fianc¨¦ and my Concubine." I hadn''t really thought about the end of that sentence before I started it. I looked down at Ria, who''d got a little frown on her own face. "Do you know what a Concubine is?" Yeah, another sentence escaping the mouth hole before it underwent editorial review.


    Fortunately my little passenger nodded. Okay, I''m really not sure if that was really fortunate or not, so I shut my mouth and listened when she said, "my father was Mother''s Concubine. Lindsey''s father was too." Her brow furrowed. "I think Adrienne''s was, I''m not sure. Cailyn told me it was rude to ask. Why is it rude to ask?"


    Marie''s laughter ringing in my brain, I said, "some people are weird about Concubines. I kinda was at first, too, but Marie convinced me."


    "Is Marie going to give you a baby?"


    I was absolutely not ready for this conversation. "Ah. Yes, but not quite... I''m going to give her one?"


    "Lots."


    "Okay, so I''m going to give her lots."


    Ria thought about that for a second. "So why aren''t you her Concubine?"


    I realized right then that she did not, in fact, know more about Concubines than ''baby maker''. I scrambled for an answer. "Because I''m her Fianc¨¦." Okay, fuck off, I said I wasn''t ready for this. But I said I''d be treating her like my own, and that meant answering questions. Even when I wasn''t ready, because the only sign that a kid is ready is when they ask the question. And it''s not like I was just dumping my entire mental spank bank on her or some shit, just answering questions.


    "So why isn''t she your Fianc¨¦ instead of your Concubine?"


    Yeah, I realized right then that I needed Devorah to get her Mead production up and running as soon as possible. Then I thought about Ria meeting Isnomi and Maze, and amended that to sooner than possible. At which point Marie cut in with, "Yes. Why?"


    Fortunately this time I had an answer, if only because I''d been waiting for Marie to ask me this question. "Because I want everything about our wedding to be absolutely perfect, and the perfect moment to put a ring on this magnificent Maenad Maid right here," I put my other arm around Marie''s waist and snugged her to me, which kinda sorta sandwiched Ria between us, "has not yet arrived." I looked up into Marie''s eyes, ignored her raised eyebrow, and said, "but it absolutely will."


    As Marie rumbled us both with her purr, Ria said, "oh. Okay, that makes sense."


    She still didn''t look real confident. "Nervous about meeting the other kids?" She nodded. "Okay. here''s the deal; they''ve been playing in the house all day, so they''re gonna be ready for bath time, then dinner, then bed. If you want to join in, nobody''s gonna say anything, because there are a bunch of kids who aren''t with us every day, so one new person won''t stand out. Right Karen?"


    Karen barked out a laugh. "Did you want me to join you today?"


    I looked at Ria again. "Do you want her to stay with us tonight?"


    "Please?"


    Karen curtsied to her. "Of course, Young Lady Crow." Ria giggled, I waved Karen over, and when she laid her hand on my shoulder, I stepped us back to Lancaster House.


    The women and kids were already in the bedroom, meandering toward the bathroom. Menace saw us and let out a welcoming cry of, "Kawen!"


    Before she could get to us, she saw Ria in my arm and slid to a stop. I swear she looked like she was about to say something like ''you''re in my spot'', so I pre-empted that. "Hey, Menace!" I let go of Marie and scooped up Isnomi. "This is Ria. She''s gonna be living here with us." She wiggled, and I set her down. I turned to Ria. "Do you want down?" She nodded, so I set her down in front of Isnomi, who was at least a head taller than when she''d run over to us.


    Isnomi swallowed, then said. "I''m Isnomi Aetos-Diaz." Then, in a gesture that reminded me so much of someone, but I had no idea who, it brought tears to my eyes, she stuck out her hand.


    Ria took Menace''s hand in her own and squeezed gently. "I am Ria Crow. It''s lovely to meet you, Isnomi Aetos-Diaz."


    Isnomi kept smiling, but her eyes were pure suspicion. Then she dove right into the important questions. "Do you like tag? Or hide and seek?"


    Ria cocked her head. "I''ve never played ''tag''. I played Hide and Seek with my brother and sister when I was very little, but then she went away and he said it was a little kids game and wouldn''t play with me any more."


    "Well. That''s dumb." Then her eyes got a little wide. "Hey, can you paint?"


    Ria shrugged. "Mother got someone to show me once. I know how, but I''ve never really enjoyed it."


    "Wanna help us paint tomorrow? None of us know how to paint a bird. Or a glider."


    Ria cocked her head. "Of course I can paint a bird, but what''s a glider?"


    Menace flipped her hand around into towing position and tugged Ria toward the bathroom. "I''ll tell you all about it while we''re getting cleaned up." As they walked away, I heard her sigh. "I''m only a little sweaty, but if I don''t take a bath, Liam won''t take a bath, and he''s stinky."


    Saffron''s arms went around me from behind. "So that seemed to go well."


    I pulled her up against my back, enjoying the warmth of her. "Yeah. I was half worried they were gonna start hissing at one another, or maybe sniffing one another''s butts."


    She barked out a laugh. "I think they''re a little young for that, love."


    I pulled her around, scooped her up into a princess carry, and headed for the bathroom. "Yeah, well. I''d have said Isnomi was about a third Ria''s height until I set her down just now."


    Saffron shuddered. "This research into House Crow Blessings will set my Inspect back even further."


    "Sorry."


    "Don''t be. Needs must. You''ve given me another City to add to my Alliance, after all. But I grow increasingly worried that by the time I''m done, our little one will need talking to about monthly visits and the dangers of not swallowing."


    "Ouch. Good couple years then?"


    She shook her head, chuckling. "A few more months at most, if I weren''t distracted."


    I snorted. "She''s, what, not even two yet?" Saffron just stared at me. "Yeah. Yeah, you''re not wrong. Who the fuck knows with that one." Then I saw the topic of our conversation showing Ria the laundry baskets and the toilet while they chatted about kid stuff. I hoped kid stuff. Because right then I remembered. "And now she''s got a new bestie who knows the word Concubine." Saffron turned to me, a little bit of shock on her face. "I mean, she thinks it means ''somebody who puts a baby in a woman''s belly'', because apparently her mom''s gone through a few, but still. We''re gonna have to have the talk with her, aren''t we?"


    "Who? Isnomi? Or Ria?"


    "Oh, fuck. Yes. And Maze, probably. Because you know if any of them find out, all of them are gonna find out."


    My tiny tyrant sighed, then looked up at me. "Well, at least we know their partner can be trained." When I gave her all the side eye, she said, "Liam. He seems to be our daughter''s current choice of Consort, albeit his current duties involve more reaching shelves she can''t, and carrying things she can''t be bothered to. Hopefully anything further will remain ''silly'' for a while."


    "Yeah."


    "At least another few weeks."


    I looked down at her. "Now I know you''re doing that on purpose."


    "Yes, but I love your reaction to it." In lieu of any further wordplay, I engaged in some good old fashioned tongue play.


    Mid-kiss we were serenaded by a chorus of, "siwwy! Both siwwy!" led by our Menace, so I grinned into Saffron''s lips, sent her a quick image, and when she grinned back and nodded, took a step and yeeted her into the tub. Every kid in the room got drenched, including Maze, who''d filled the tub but now stood there shaking her head and sighing.


    "S''okay, Pony-girl. I''ll help you heat up some more."


    Bath time went well, and if Ria looked a little surprised to have the Imperator herself doing the bathing, she didn''t question it or seem upset. She seemed even happier when she realized that all four of us, Saffron, Marie, Karen, and I, all remained in the bathroom until it was time to head down to dinner. I was really proud of Menace when, instead of pelting off ahead like she normally did, she left that to Alex and stuck around to keep Ria company while she waited. Maze did as well, although she seemed less than thrilled.


    As Isnomi lead Ria down to the dining room, I dropped back to the back of the pack, pulling Maze along beside me. "What''s wrong?"


    She looked over at me, opened her mouth, closed it again, and said, "you''re not going to believe it if I say ''nothing'', are you?" I shook my head. "Sidhe. She''s a Sidhe."


    "And?"


    She waved her hands a little as she spoke, like she was grabbing for words. "They''re all... snobs."


    I looked at Ria, who was listening as Menace explained something about which foods to snarf first at dinner, then back to Maze. "I don''t think she''s really had much time to get to know anybody. Even the other Sidhe kids."


    "So?"


    "So maybe she hasn''t learned to be snobby yet?"


    Maze snorted. "It sounds like you''re trying to convince me to give her a chance or something."


    "That''s because I am."


    She rolled her eyes. "Fine. But if she''s too much of a bitch I''m going to drown her."


    We slow rolled the rest of the walk down to dinner, with me first addressing the entire ''adult words'' thing, followed by me explaining that she was not actually allowed to kill her foster-sister. When I used that particular term, she got a really crafty look and said, "sister? How old is she?"


    "Not sure, but I think somewhere in her teens."


    So we added the word ''fuck'' to the list of Words Maze Isn''t Allowed To Say until she''s at least thirteen.


    Apparently Ria isn''t fond of chicken tendies. She scarfed the whole waffle though. Apparently got annoyed because there weren''t ''enough vegetables, or cheese, or a proper salad course'', at which point she and Menace went hunting for Marie to discuss the menu in the future.


    Dreamt of all my ladies shoving little bean rafts covered in shrimp into my Maw like boats. Weirder than normal.


    So, with all of the rooms cut into the Main House and the North House, cutting the South House into the opposite cliff was just mirroring the North House. The Maenads and ladies mostly handled that while I added more floors to our tower. Saffron apparently meant for this fuckin'' thing to be tall as fuck. Like, possibly tall enough to see over the mountain at the east end of the valley, not sure. It wasn''t there yet, but it had to be at least halfway already.


    I watched through Karen''s eyes as Saffron, clearly in full on Imperator mode, joined the Overlord for a day of Court stuff. The folks in the hall looked some kinda way, especially the Sidhe courtiers, when they saw Saffron standing at ease where Karen normally stood, with Karen flanking her. When the Overlord sat, Saffron cleared her throat and said, "Overlord, may I?" When Lady Crow nodded and waved her hand, Saffron nodded to Karen, who stepped away and returned a moment later with a weird looking blackened chair. Saffron frowned at it, and a moment later it gleamed like new silver; didn''t look any less weird, with a kind of HR Giger feel to it maybe. At any rate, the courtiers got a collective booger look at that, followed by a clear and urgent need for new pants when Saffron banished the patina. Everybody else in the room seemed surprised, but not unhappy, when Saffron had Karen set her chair off to the side, one step below the dais the Overlord''s throne sat on. When she sat, the Overlord started court, and for the rest of the day whenever someone got too full of themselves, Saffron just tapped her fingernails on the arm of that silver chair, and whoever it was suddenly decided they had better things to do than try Tallulah''s patience.


    So, how''s it feel to be the Attack Dog for once?


    She feeds me chocolate. Woof.

 Day Four Hundred And Ninety-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    "If Bloodlust is your fear shield,


    Remember, don''t take work home,


    Your partners don''t deserve that."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Bloodlust


    Yeah, I think maybe I need to start focusing on more than just the ''Grr, me big ass kickery piss contest winner'' side of my Deityhood and start looking at, y''know, shit that goes on day to day. Like, yeah, I get it, I''m living in a world of crap where ''indoor plumbing'' is the peak of technology, but maybe, just maybe, the world needs a little less ''ooh, Vengeance and Bloodlust and Murder'' and a little more ''treat your kids and family right''. Look around for shit you can fix, or even build, rather than stuff to tear down.


    I mean, yeah, I get that some of my other Domains will be a little more suited to that. Ecstasy, especially if I don''t focus quite so much on the religious or sex aspects of it, but on the sublime joy that can come from any fuckin'' thing in the world. Like, I''m pretty sure Marie has had moments of pure Ecstasy in the kitchen, and I am absolutely sure she''s generated them at the dinner table. Maybe Kitten has them in those ''I love it when a plan comes together'' moments. Or when her brain is nerdgasming from being used to box someone in so thoroughly that they just tip their king over in defeat, because of course Saffron thought of welding the table to the floor to prevent flipping. Passion will be even easier, because hell, there are a lot of people who are passionate about a lot of shit, and even hardcore gamers will pick up a civilization building game now and then. Yeah, some of them are still all ''ooh, guns, tanks, death, death, death'', but there''s a solid chunk who will, even if it''s just for completionism, finish the game via the diplomacy route. Or even the ''everybody''s too terrified to go to war with me, so they all spontaneously surrender'' route. Or the ''my economy is so potent the whole world belongs to me'' route.


    Yeah, there''s some awfulness in each of those, sure, but watching her scare the living shit out of a bunch of Fae Courtiers just by sitting there tapping her fingers on the arm of a chair, I''m pretty sure there''s some potential awfulness in my Kitten. Maybe even some actual awfulness. I''m not sure how Future Me deals with that, but I''ve had so much to do just tryna get my shit together I haven''t had much of a chance to do anything about it. I guess maybe what I''m doing with my Holy Book, drawing lines and giving directions, is gonna help her. She''s my High Priestess, after all. Although I''m a little weirded by Karen being my Highest Priestess, when she''s the only one I''m not married to. Fuck, I guess I''m not technically married to Marie or Siobhan, although the former''s gonna get corrected as soon as we sort out the Blessing thing enough I feel confident I can do it right.


    But between Holy Books and Siobhan, that brings me back around to today''s verse. I''m absolutely fuckin'' sure that if I were to go full on berserk killer woman in the bedroom, Marie would match me bite for bite, claw for claw, and we''d both wind up laying in a puddle of blood and less unpleasant bodily fluids devastated in absolutely the best of ways. Something tells me Saffron might not be quite that into it, but she''d be willing to go a few rounds just to say she did, or she could, or something like that. But Siobhan... She''s so adorable. So cute. I''m sure she''s got a backbone; hell I think I''ve seen it now and again. But her nature isn''t to fight, or to hurt, or to dominate. It''s to heal, and help, and nurture. To make people feel better about themselves, and maybe even make them want to be better people.


    I don''t think she''d be ready, willing, able, or interested in getting roughed up in the sack.


    I mean, I might be fuckin'' wrong. She seemed to adore getting the world''s most permanent hickey. But that wasn''t really violent, if I think about it. It was slow, careful, and patient. No more violent than getting a tattoo. Which, now that I think about it, it pretty much is. Okay, yeah, I get it, it''s not a tattoo so much as.. .what''s the word? Scarification? Yeah, only for pure romantic body modification purposes, not for ritual or cultural ones. Those marks on the necks of me and my partners are like fuckin'' tattoos sayin'' ''property of Marie and Tabitha Diaz''.


    Oh. Oh, my, I just had a thought that grabbed me by the heart and brain and gut and crotch all at once. Then another one that lit all that shit on fire.


    Hey, Marie?


    Vlickies?


    Got a question for you. I got the sensation of her ears perking up. Couple of them, actually. Less ear perking, but still perky. Suddenly reminded myself that last bit described her tits, which were surprisingly large, what with her being seven fuckin'' foot tall slouched in stocking feet. Did you want me to mark you like we did to Siobhan and Saffron?


    Did. My head filled with heat and the feel of teeth clamped down on the scruff of my neck. Dull, but clamped down so hard they marked my skin anyway.


    A smile crept across my face unbidden. You want me to do that again, don''t you? My head filled with big cat purring. With the big teeth this time. A whine filled my mental ears, and I skipped one of me behind one of her, and spirited one of her off to our Bed room. I sat on the end of the Bed, straddling Marie where she knelt before me, head bent forward just the tiniest bit. I did whatever Saffron had done with my teeth, then grabbed the skin of Marie''s neck in one hand.


    Harder.


    Okay then. I reached wider, clenched my fist to pull it all together. The harder I gripped, the tenser she got, until she just... slumped. Purring. Utterly relaxed. You wanna guide me here?


    No.


    I paused, about to shift that scruff from my fist to my mouth. This might get a little sloppy.


    Good.


    Pulling her nape to my mouth, I stretched my jaws as far as I could, pulling even more of her skin into the grip of my fangs. You let me know if I''m doing this wrong?


    Her mental voice almost overwhelmed by her purr, amusement underlay her single, drawn out word. Harder.


    Fuck it. I clamped my jaws down as hard as I could. If anything, she went even limper, purred louder. A fuzzy image filtered into my head, and I pushed myself upright, then stepped up to stand on the bed. I had to crouch, but she pulled herself up into a little fetal ball. Wave after wave of utter, peaceful contentment radiated out of her. A little blood seeped into my mouth, adding some iron to the taste of the sea and her fur.


    I tasted her fur.


    How long can I keep you like this?


    Forever.


    I chuckled, and her whole body vibrated along with it. I think people might come looking for us.


    Fuckem. I couldn''t help it, my chuckling got louder, and her purr got louder to match. Distraction!


    Only you would throw your would-be Fianc¨¦ at somebody''s crotch so you could keep getting cuddled like this, you big dork. I love you.


    She purred even harder, and my world narrowed to that constant rumble vibrating my jaws, and the absolute joy radiating from my Maenad into my mouth. It felt like we stayed there like that forever, but eventually I felt the sun approaching the horizon. Gotta go do mom things, Murder Mittens.


    Yes.


    I definitely don''t think I could do this and pay attention to anything else.


    Tonight? She whined just the tiniest bit.


    Don''t we need sleep eventually?


    No.


    The absolute conviction in her mental voice made me realize that I was not, despite getting this wild hair about biting her while I sat in the office right after everyone went to bed, then staying up all night holding her off the floor with my jaws. Okay. One condition.


    Yes!


    What''s your name going to be when I''m done marrying you? Say it. Please.


    Slowly, like it wasn''t due to problems speaking with a mouth full of fangs, but because she savored every syllable, the gargantuan kitten dangling from my mouth said, "Marie Aetos-Diaz." I''m really not sure which of us shuddered when she did. Both of us, possibly.


    So yeah, yesterday Saffron played Attack Dog for the Overlord, then spent the evening picking her brain about Fae Blessings over cups of chocolate syrup. I''m not sure if it''s a Fae thing, or an Overlord thing, or a Tallulah thing, but apparently she makes Marie look loquacious. I mean, her answers and questions were polysyllabic and relatively easy to understand, but holy shit did she take her damn sweet time replying. Luckily I think Saffron would make major diplomatic concessions for a cup of chocolate syrup, so being ''forced'' to sit there savoring the contents of her cup while Tallulah figured out what she wanted to say wasn''t really a huge hardship.Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.


    Only one big revelation, as such. Apparently while a lot of different Fae have things they call ''Blessings'', and that includes pretty much all Sidhe, House Crow is sorta unique. They''re direct descendants of current Queen of the Sidhe. Also known as The Morrigan. Also known as the Dan Goddess of Death. It''s really the ''Goddess'' part of that that comes into play here; While The Morrigan''s daughter died as part of the same weird succession war that left The Morrigan on the Sidhe throne, her daughter had a daughter, and so on down to Tallulah. And Cailyn, Adrienne, and Ria, I guess. The point being that unlike most Fae or even Sidhe Blessings, the Blessings of House Crow had a little Divine something extra. Not enough to ignore Cold Iron, but enough that Cold Iron just suppressed them, not shut them down entirely.


    Saffron left a chunky Filtration Ward over the House Crow quarters before she left for the night, and I dropped Karen in the tub to help her with washing, because she seemed a little zonked after a very full day. By dinner time she seemed to have recovered, and then after everybody got to bed I spent a little time writing, then spent most of the night leaving the indelible imprint of my fangs on Murder Mittens nape.


    Of course, when we went through our morning routine, the ruffled white collar she normally wore was nowhere in evidence. Which left her with four very prominent scabs on the back of her neck. When Saffron saw those, she smiled, looked back and forth between us, then said, "so, when do I get to do that?"


    I ran my fingers over where her shoulder met her neck, currently covered by that gorgeous black dress she wore most often for formal shit like talking to Tallulah. "Already did that."


    She looked up at me, reminding me whose vayjayjay the Menace had popped out of when she smiled, revealing oversized interlocking fangs. Not yet.


    I rubbed at my neck opposite where Marie''s marks had mostly healed up to clean, circular scars. "I''m gonna have to wear turtlenecks, aren''t I?"


    Saffron smiled, swallowed, and said, "you''d best fucking not. I''m already considering getting you a custom tailored Heroic uniform in the Alliance colors. Low cut, to show those off." She stared at Marie''s marks.


    "And yours?"


    "Yes, and the ones I put mirroring them, of course."


    I opened my mouth to say something about her neck, then realized she absolutely had done that on purpose. I snuggled her into a laughing kiss. When we came up for air, Ria poked at my thigh. "Whatcha need, kiddo?"


    "May I speak with you privately?"


    I shrugged, scooped her up, left Saffron in charge of getting everybody ready to go, then carried her off to the office, carefully closing the door behind us before setting her on the edge of the desk and sitting in the surprisingly rigid chair. "What did you want to talk about?"


    "Have I offended your daughter Maze in some way?"


    I took a deep breath, blew it out my nose. "Well. There''s a lot to unpack there. First of all?" Ria nodded, attentive. "Your sister." She tilted her head, obviously waiting for an explanation. "For the foreseeable future, we''re Fostering you. So long as we are? You''re our daughter."


    "But... I am Mother''s daughter."


    I nodded. "Yeah, you are. How many moms does Menace have?"


    "Menace?"


    "Isnomi."


    Ria nodded. "Ah. A fitting moniker. The Imperator is her mother."


    "Saffron. You''re family. I''m not gonna insist on mom or anything, but you don''t need the formality with us, okay?" She frowned a little, but nodded. "And who else?"


    "You?"


    I nodded. "And?"


    She thought a moment. "Marie?"


    I nodded again. "And that makes how many?"


    With a sense of someone poking at a strange shiny rock they''d found half buried, she said, "three?"


    I nodded. "And now you''ve got four."


    Her jaw dropped open for a split second, then she asked, "for how long?"


    I shrugged. "Officially? Legally? Until Saffron and your mom, and probably as many other researchers as Saffron can rope into this, like probably Conrad at the very least, figure out how to turn off the side effects of your Blessing. Or turn it off entirely, although I think I''d really miss seeing Sigyn as my mom." I paused. "But unofficially?" She tilted her head. "You don''t just stop being a mom. Well, I don''t. I don''t think Saffron or Marie can either. So you''ve got us for as long as you need us. As long as you''ll let us."


    She nodded solemnly. "As long as I''ll obey you?"


    I shook my head. "Nah. I mean, in an emergency, yeah, I want you to listen to me and Marie and Saffron, and for that matter probably Siobhan or Karen as well, because I trust both of them and wherever they are, I can get to fast, and now that I think of it Larry and Bonnie, because right now we''re living in their house, and I trust both of them. If somebody needs to make a decision about something, or settle an argument between you and your new siblings, I expect you to abide by our decisions as well. But that''s not so much ''you obey us'' as ''somebody''s gotta be the adult in the room, and it just makes sense for it to be the actual adults."


    She frowned. "I can make decisions."


    "Yeah. Yeah, you can. So long as nobody''s getting hurt, go for it. But if somebody''s gonna be hurt? Trust me when I say that everybody I just mentioned would rather it was one of us rather than one of you kids."


    "Why?"


    I thought about that, tried to put myself in her shoes for a second, given where she was from and the not very warm and cuddly mother she''d grown up with. "So you and your sisters can be kids. So you can play and grow and learn and do kid sh... stuff and have a time of your life filled with joy. Someday, maybe, you''ll have to make hard choices, take the hurt so someone else doesn''t have to. But for now? So long as you''re our kid? That''s our job."


    She nodded, face solemn and serious. "And what is my job?"


    I couldn''t help it, I chuckled. "I just told you. Play. Grow. Learn. Help your siblings do the same, I guess. Enjoy life, because that''s why we do what we do, so you can do what we can''t."


    "What can''t you do?"


    I nodded. "Sometimes, when you''re an adult, it''s really hard to let go. To just be, to exist, to let someone else worry, and just enjoy existing."


    "Can... can I do that?"


    I shrugged. "I dunno. Do you want to?"


    She nodded. "I do." A few tears welled in her eyes. "May I?"


    I held out my arms, and she leapt into my lap, arms around me. "Yeah, kid. You absolutely have permission to do that." We sat there like that for a while; I think we might have missed a bit of breakfast, but after watching Ria eat, I figured I could grab her a waffle if we missed it entirely.


    Eventually she pulled back. "Why does," she paused, her next words stilted, but clear, "my sister Maze dislike me?"


    I''d been thinking about that since she first asked about my little Pony-girl. "Yeah, I''m not exactly sure, because I''m not hovering over you kids all the time, because that would just make shit weird for you, not let you be kids, but if I were to guess?" She nodded. "I think some Fae, some Sidhe, really, have been really rude to her before. Okay, not just ''some Sidhe'', but probably ''all the Sidhe she''s ever met''. So she figures you''re going to be the same."


    "But... that''s not fair."


    I shook my head. "No. No, it''s not. But if you were both in Rich Man''s Port, where would you be living?"


    "In the Keep, in my family''s quarters. In my rooms, to be precise."


    "And where would she be living?"


    She tilted her head. "A Kelpie girl? I suppose with you as parents, she would live in the Keep as well."


    I shook my head. "She''s our daughter because Marie adopted her. Because her parents were dead."


    Her eyes got a little wide at that. "An orphaned Kelpie her age? Likely either living in the harbor, or on the street." She tilted her head. "Mother often complained of young Fae girls working on Second Street. I suppose she might live there, if her employer roomed her?"


    Kitten?


    Yes, my Goof?


    Give Tallulah whatever support she needs to get the kids out of the brothels.


    It shall be done, my Goddess. With the tone in her voice, I did not doubt that if she had to, Saffron would be going from brothel to brothel kicking in doors, rescuing kids, and possibly executing motherfuckers out of hand.


    Good.


    "So, you see how those things aren''t the same?"


    "Of course."


    "So you see why she might have felt some kinda way when Sidhe kids who lived in nice houses treated her badly because she was a Kelpie kid from the streets?"


    Ria nodded. "That was wrong of them. She didn''t choose to be Kelpie, or poor, or orphaned." She tilted her head. "She didn''t drown her parents, did she? No, she had at least one Kelpie parent, and Kelpie can''t drown."


    "Okay, yeah, that right there? Assuming that because she''s a Kelpie she goes around drowning people? Is kinda like her assuming that because you''re a Sidhe you''re gonna be a bi... bully about everything."


    "So what do I do?"


    "Treat her the same way you would any of the other kids." Inspiration struck. "If you aren''t sure? Ask Menace. She gets along with Maze just fine, and she''s got opinions on everything. I''m sure she''ll be able to give you some pointers." Ria went silent, nodding in thought. "You ready to go get some breakfast?"


    She nodded, and I carried her down to breakfast. Marie brought around a waffle for her, and after breakfast we all went about our daily stuff. Ria joined the rest of the kids doing their thing decorating the Main House; a few of the women had switched to doing carpentry shit there as well. I''m not sure the caves we''d cut or the solid stone external structure really needed the wooden reinforcement, but it looked nice. About half of the Maenads went with another squad of women to do some logging. I tagged along, because Mana Blades are even better than chainsaws when it comes to taking trees down. Okay, they are if I remember to cut fast, because the one time I did it slow the fucker blew up, and I wound up having to call Siobhan in to help me Heal a bunch of thankfully minor injuries.


    But we got the carpenters lumber, and they turned it into some really pretty archways and flooring and... really the plain stone boxes we''d made were turning into really intricately decorated stone and wood rooms. Made me feel some kinda way seeing how far they''d come at the end of the day. Which wasn''t, just to be clear, anywhere past the entryway. But holy fuck if the entryway wasn''t as big as Lancaster House''s, and everything was raw and new, it was absolutely just as intricately decorated. Just as beautiful.


    And it was ours.


    Saffron hadn''t come with us today, leaving everything up to the women and, I guess, Marie and I. When we all got home, she let me know a few more things she''d learned. Apparently each woman of House Crow had exactly one Blessing they could use. Like, ever. Which really left me feeling even more mama bear about little Ria, not to mention maybe not being entirely copacetic about the entire ''turning it off'' idea, since from what Saffron could tell it wouldn''t reset it or some shit like that. She''d just be a Blessingless Crow. Which I guess all of them wound up, eventually, but she was just a kid.


    Of course, as we got ready for bath time, Marie grabbed Saffron and I and Co-Located us to the Bed room. Then turned and knelt just beyond the foot of the bed. "Please?"


    "Certainly, lovely Maenad." She grinned at me with those fangs back in place. "My turn firtht."


    "No." Saffron and I both turned to see why Marie wanted me to repeat last night before Saffron sank her fangs into her.


    We''d kinda forgotten Marie could, y''know, Co-Locate. Kinda fun holding hands with Saffron while each of us dangled a purring Marie from our jaws.

 Day Four Hundred And Ninety-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    "A side effect of Bloodlust,


    You need to be aware of,


    Your O-face shows in public."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Bloodlust


    Yeah, dunno quite how else to explain that one to prospective adherents of the path of Bloodlust. I think I definitely need to make sure they know that I will not be amused if they decide after the fact that they don''t like everybody knowing and try and make that dislike everybody else''s problem. Like, seriously, I get it, I''m not real thrilled at the idea of showing off all my scars in public. Hell, I''m not super jazzed about showing them off in private, but there it''s kind of an equivalent exchange. I let somebody see the body made of gristle and scars, they let me see what they''re packing under their clothes. My current theory is that people are looking for the novelty of a nicely shaped set of tits with more scar tissue than most people have on their entire body.


    I guess I''m not really all that embarrassed about it. Not like I got the scars entirely by being a dumbass. Like, I''m sure there was dumbassery involved, but apparently I got most of them doing ''Heroic'' shit. Curing people. Fighting monsters. Killing one percent of New Amsterdam. Trying to slice my fingers off. Marie told me about that one, something about a court martial and me slipping into full on self destructive emo mode. But other than the scars, which I can at least say were earned the hard and supposedly virtuous way, I''m in pretty fuckin'' good shape. Like, I can dangle a seven foot plus humanoid tiger from my teeth for hours on end without tiring out, getting muscle cramps, or even seriously straining my jaw. So the idea of strutting around naked isn''t a deal breaker for me.


    I guess popping off in public isn''t either, although I''m not sure I''m really ready to do so right now in front of thousands of screaming fans. Really kinda glad that I haven''t had to do that, although the fact that I am, in fact, a Goddess of Bloodlust means that I may be wrong about that. That''s got to be the shittiest part about this memory loss. Okay, not really, that would be not remembering all the reasons, all the things that made me fall in love with Saffron and Marie and Siobhan. Because I''m definitely in love with them. Just kinda weird that they''re all okay with me being who and what I am. Especially Siobhan.


    So yesterday at the end of the day Marie snagged Saffron and I and had us dangle her by the scruff to mark her up, on purpose like. Which is not the weirdest thing I''ve done since waking up, but might be the weirdest non-sexual, non-painful thing I''ve done. Maybe halfway through the night Saffron tapped out, because she had to get up to go play Attack Dog for Tallulah before picking her brain for potentially useful data on how House Crow Blessings work. Marie and I stayed there all night. Weirdest part for me might have been the whole ''not getting bored'' thing. It was almost as soothing for me as it apparently was for her.


    In the morning I snagged Marie and Maze when Menace led everyone down to the dining room for breakfast. After ruminating for a few moments on how I''d managed to collect three different loved ones with ''m'' names since arriving here, I sat down on the edge of the tub to look Maze in the eye. "So, how''s Ria getting along with everyone?"


    Maze turned from watching Marie fold up the clean towels and other stuff that could get used in the evening. "You''re asking me?"


    I smiled at her, but definitely included a bit of my best ''don''t bullshit a bullshitter'' look. "Yeah, I may not remember how you got that way, but it''s pretty clear that you''re the big sister. And it''s not just because you''re the tallest."


    She folded her arms. "Ria''s older than me."If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    I scrunched my nose up. "Yeah, I guess maybe she is. Sidhe live a while, don''t they?" Maze nodded. "Now, her mom''s pretty tall. So I''m thinkin'' unlike Isnomi, Ria''s gonna wind up tall."


    "And?"


    "That means no matter how many years she''s got, she''s still physically younger than you. If I had to guess? Maturity wise her age matches her size."


    Maze sighed. "Yeah, that''s about right."


    "Just about on par with Alex and Lindsey?" My little Pony girl nodded. "She getting along with Lindsey?"


    She shrugged. "Does anybody?" Before I could say anything, she explained. "It''s not like Alex, who tries to be bossy if Isnomi doesn''t keep her in line. Lindsey just... does her own thing. Like, if everybody''s playing a game, she plays. But she doesn''t talk a lot, and if we''re all just sitting around talking she finds something else to do."


    "Like, alone by herself, or just off to the side?"


    "Depends on the day. Sometimes one, sometimes the other."


    I nodded. "Okay. Just let me know if she seems like she''s upset about something and not talking about it?" She tilted her head. "I''m gonna try to talk to her, but if I talk to her it''s a mom thing, and if I hover over her it''s kinda the same. But you being part of the group doesn''t make it weird."


    "So I''m what, the warden?"


    I smirked and scooped her up. "Didn''t I already say that? Big Sister." She rolled her eyes, but smiled. "So, how''s Ria settling in?"


    She sighed. "Not too bad, for a suck up."


    I blinked. "She''s been sucking up to... who again?"


    Maze pointed at herself. "Me! I have no idea why, but she''s been asking all kinds of weird stuff about my life with my dad, and giving me compliments and everything."


    I facepalmed with the arm not holding my pony girl, then stood up and waved Marie over. "Yeah, that might be a little my fault. I gave her a little talking to about privilege and prejudice." When Maze tilted her head, I said, "her not knowing the kinds of challenges other people face, or judging them by what they look like or who their parents are."


    She nodded, then frowned. "I... I kinda did that, didn''t I?"


    I shrugged with one shoulder. "Yeah, it''s insidious. Trick is to catch yourself, apologize if you said or did something that hurt somebody, then move on and not do it again. Think you can do that?" She nodded. "Cool. Just let me or Marie or Saffron know if somebody gets out of line."


    "What about Siobhan?"


    I thought about that for a half second. "Yeah, if you''re more comfortable talking to her, or you can''t find one of us, Siobhan''s cool. Not sure how she''d feel about it though."


    "Okay."


    We headed for the dining room the slow way, because I felt like taking a walk with one arm around Marie''s waist. She blushed a little, but didn''t pull away. I also liked carrying Maze, and she seemed to like it right up until we came in sight of the rest of the horde of kids. I set her down and propelled her towards her sisters, then turned to Marie. "Ria getting her Fae veggies?" Marie raised an eyebrow. "You know, that Fae grain they''re supposed to eat?"


    She just rolled her eyes at me. "Waffle."


    "You make her waffle special?" Marie nodded, and I pulled her down to kiss her. When we pulled away, I didn''t let her go more than an inch. "You are the best mom a kid could ever want. Love you."


    She looked down at me and smiled, then stood, pulling me into her arms for another kiss. No, You.


    Today at the Homestead we finished putting steps into the tower, all the way up to the final section Saffron had me add. I think she''s gonna build a room or two at the top. Once we got the steps in, we worked our way down putting supports in, tying the steps together. I think there''s gonna eventually be a railing, but right now our OSHA nightmare looks pretty badass from top or bottom. I dunno if she''s gonna put windows in or not; if she doesn''t we''re gonna need some of the lamps like I saw in our Bed room and our Academy suite.


    I have no idea what the kids were up to, except... I kinda do? Painting. The kids were painting. I know this, because all of them, and I''d say ''including Ria'', except the correct word would be ''especially Ria'', were absolutely covered in the stuff. No idea where they got all the different colors, either, because when I asked, Menace and Ria just giggled, and Maze shrugged and nodded toward them. I don''t know if it was Fae hijinks, or Menace hijinks, or just, like, normal kid hijinks, but I''m pretty sure some kinda hijinks were involved.


    Fuck it. Worst thing they can do with paint is make a mess, and it''s our place to make a mess in.


    Definitely gonna need to scrub them all down before dinner tonight though.

 Day Five Hundred

    Dear Diary,


    "If Bloodlust gets you Vengeance,


    Do not fuck around with it,


    Or they just might get away."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Bloodlust


    I never thought I would wind up writing Important Safety Tips for Vengeance or Bloodlust, but here we fuckin'' are. I mean, shit, in a perfect world nobody would need actual Vengeance, and Bloodlust would, I dunno, either be frowned upon or exclusively the venue of people who like using sharp knives in bed. Meanwhile, in the worlds I''ve actually lived in, they''re horrifying necessities.


    When it comes to anything related to ''lust'', you just know some of the people who are into it are gonna try to drag it out. I may be a Goddess of Justified Homicide, Vengeance, and Bloodlust, but I''m not a fuckin'' Goddess of Torture, and my emotional response to that tells me that I''m both glad and surprised I''m not, and the only remaining thing making me nervous on the subject is whether I hated every second of it or enjoyed it way, way too much. Because if I wound up in a situation where I had to do it because I saw no other path forward, maybe I had to do it, but after what Conrad did with his machines, I am firmly anti-torture.


    And I fuckin'' threatened Lady Crow with it because I wanted... no, needed her to drop that fuckin'' Blade. I guess that''s maybe part of being a Deity of Children? Not being able to stand by and let them get hurt when I can see it and stop it? I mean, shit, in a crapsack world like this, I''m sure there''s a kid getting hurt like that every day. Every hour. Every minute maybe. I hope to fuck not every second. I''m pretty sure most of them aren''t as brave as Ria was, either. The thought of terrified kids suffering on the regular is not happy making, but it doesn''t inspire the same visceral hot-stove reaction as seeing Ria in danger did. Which... she wasn''t even really ''my'' kid then, so I guess it''s just something about me and kids. I really hope Saffron gets how important that is to me, because while I''m a Goddess, I can''t seem to pay attention to more than one thing at a time, and as Imperator she''s got all the fuckin'' machinery of the Alliance to make the world a place where fewer kids get hurt.


    Kinda funny, because I think she might be the less nice one of us, but I normally get the position of terrifying big stick, and she gets the role as nurturing builder. But then, maybe that''s a good thing? Like, I maybe enjoy bringing righteous retribution in the moment, but I''m not gonna go looking for excuses, because I realize it''s way too easy to label shit as deserving of that if you try. Meanwhile she''d lose herself to that, but she doesn''t get bored with the endless minutiae of running a whole semi-modern government with mostly medieval tools. Okay, I think it''s semi-modern. Fuck, I''m just realizing that I don''t even really know how the government works. I know there''s a Council, but I have no idea if they''re elected, appointed, or just yoinked in off the street.


    Fuck, I almost hope it''s that last one, because that''d be fuckin'' funny as shit. ''We''re down a Councilor! Go collect a homeless dude and tell him he just won the lotto!'' Certainly wouldn''t have nearly so much problem with entitled assholes who won the birth lottery thinking they know better than actual trained experts because they happened to slide out a high caste vajayjay.


    Speaking of high quality vajayjay, Saffron returned from her latest confab with Lady Crow with very little in the way of additional news that made sense to my brain. I mean, she told me details, but I understood like one word in ten. I think, and I''m not entirely certain here, that the House Crow Blessing, since it''s kinda Divine, piggybacks onto any and all other Divine connections the target has. Not, like, spreading to the people or Deities connected that way, but using those connections to anchor itself. Which is something we sort of knew, but even if we disconnected all my bonds we knew about it, it wouldn''t spontaneously break the Blessing. It would just make it easier to break in and of itself. Which would have severe backlash on Ria. Maybe not enough to kill her. Maybe not enough to hurt her permanently.


    Maybe.


    Not something I''m risking. Absolute non starter. Which probably speaks to that whole ''my reaction to kids in danger'' thing.


    So right now it looks like Saffron and Conrad and Loki and Siobhan are gonna be looking for ways to prevent that backlash. Or to detangle the fuckin'' thing entirely somehow. Not the greatest option, but still better than just losing a year of my life, a year of really understanding who and what I am here, not to mention a year of learning about my partners. Like, part of me is really kinda jazzed about learning shit about them, but I can totally see where me forgetting things like birthdays and anniversaries and shit is gonna be pretty awful for them. Just a reminder that... Well... I accidentally forgot about them. Like, from what Ria told me, I literally asked to forget about everything. I''m pretty sure I meant the stress of Search and Rescue, and by ''forget'' I probably meant ''leave it in the rear view so I can spend quality time with the family'', but that''s not what I said.


    At any rate, Saffron got home in reasonably good shape for spending a day with Lady Crow, and we went straight to bath time. Which is when she saw the technicolor madness which had gripped our offspring. "Children, and understand I ask this from a place of love, What in the name of all that is holy and good did you do to yourselves?"


    "We painded!" crowed Isnomi. "Painded owah wooms!"


    I couldn''t help it, I lost my shit right there. I managed to keep the laughing to a dull bely shaking chuckle, but I could not for the life of me stop. At least part of that was because on the way back I''d gotten a glimpse under Ria''s shirt when she peeled it away from herself. I don''t know how they did it, but they''d gotten paint under their clothes. If our Menace revealed that she had not, in fact, been lisping on that last word, I''d be completely unsurprised.


    "There was an accident with a paint bucket and a ladder," explained Ria as Marie and Siobhan worked together to peel her clothes off of her without damaging them or her. Okay, I''m pretty sure all the kids didn''t realize how glad they were that they hadn''t hit puberty yet, because while paint isn''t wax, I''m sure any body hair would have come off with their clothes.


    "Yeah, spilling a bucket of paint wouldn''t get all of you doused, and sure as sugar wouldn''t cover you each in a different color." All of them looked sheepish, although the full body paint jobs didn''t allow for any blushing. Or at least not that I could see. For reference, Ria looked like she''d been dunked in whitewash. Menace had charcoal everywhere. David''s everything was the pinkest pink that ever pinked. Lindsey was a really nice hunter green. Alex was red. Like, The Dress red. Maze was a deep kinda blue; I knew I''d seen it somewhere, but couldn''t remember where. Daya was a nice golden yellow. "So... not saying there wasn''t an accident with a paint bucket and a ladder, but what happened after that?"


    Maze cleared her throat from the back of the pack, and when I looked over to her went into a lecture mode that reminded me so much of Saffron it hurt. "We''ve been painting a landscape on the walls of the family room, and Isnomi suggested birds in flight as a border near the ceiling. Ria, the only one of us able to paint a reasonable facsimile of a bird, climbed up a ladder with Isnomi following with the paint bucket."


    "And the problem with the ladder?"


    "It wasn''t very stable. We all braced it from below, but someone sneezed."


    "It wasn''t me!" Alex blurted out.


    Maze just cocked her head and half turned to face her sister. "I didn''t say it was."


    "Oh. Yeah. But it wasn''t!"


    Maze shook her head and turned back to me. "Someone sneezed, and those of us supporting the ladder shifted enough that Isnomi dropped the paint bucket. Ria dropped her brush as well."


    Ria spoke up from the tub where Saffron scrubbed at her, trying to get the worst of the paint off. At least enough to maybe keep her from getting paint all over everything she touched. "I slipped when the ladder moved. I would have fallen had Isnomi not caught me."


    Menace just looked smug. "I cand howd Wia an da bukkid."


    I sighed. "Is anybody hurt?"


    Maze shook her head. "No, papa. A few of us were scared..."


    "Not me!" Alex again. Had to have a chat with her.


    "Of course. But no one was hurt. At that point Ria had the idea that since the splashing paint had put a silhouette of Alex on the wall, we could do another for each of us."


    "So you what, just lined up and tossed paint at one another?"


    "Yeth!"


    Saffron sighed as she scooted Ria toward me. I love our daughters, but every day I grow a little gladder one of our women is a brewer.


    Sounds cute as hell though.


    She smiled at me as I dried Ria off, trying to see if I could tell if the towel was getting any white paint on it. Hard to say, what with the towel itself being white. It does.


    So bath time took a little longer than it normally did, but nobody seemed too bent out of shape about it. Marie and two of the Maenads left to bring dinner back up, because if the kids had managed to hide any paint on their bodies, I figured it was just polite to keep that mess inside the Imperator''s suite. While they did, I snagged Alex and took her to the office for a chat.The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.


    The first words out of her mouth when I shut the door? "I didn''t do nothin!"


    I led her over to the desk where I could sit, and boosted her up to sit on the desk. That put her eyes a little above mine, but honestly I''d rather do it that way than have her standing while I sat, or have me looming over her. "Yeah, I didn''t say you did. But that reaction right there?" I waited half a tick, then when she got a bit of a belligerent look, said, "that''s kinda the problem."


    "But... I didn''t do anything!"


    I sighed. "Look, Alex, I really don''t think you did. At worst, you might have gotten startled by the jump scare of somebody sneezing." Before she could give voice to the very obvious next denial of ''not being scared'', I cut her off, "Which, since you were at the bottom of the ladder, means you weren''t scared for yourself, but for Ria and Isnomi. That''s a good thing."


    She gave me all the side eye and said, "being scared is a good thing?"


    I nodded. "Being scared for others means you want to protect them. If you didn''t care, you wouldn''t be scared." I nodded then leaned in. "Being scared for yourself isn''t always bad either. It''s what keeps us from doing dumb stuff."


    "You''re never scared!"


    I chuckled. "I''m definitely scared sometimes, but I''ll tell you right now, I''m not scared enough. You know how much dumb stuff I''ve done that, if I''d been scared enough to think for half a second, I could have avoided?"


    She fumed a little, then grudgingly said, "a lot?"


    I nodded. "Yeah. A whole lot. But that''s not really what I wanted to talk to you about. Being scared, that is. What I wanted to talk to you about is the whole denying everything."


    "But it''s all true!"


    I shook my head. "Never said it wasn''t. But when you jump out and deny stuff before anybody says anything? it looks really shady. Like, if you didn''t do it, and nobody''s accused you, and you say, ''I didn''t do it'', people immediately think you''re hiding something. Most likely, that you had something to do with it, or you saw who did it, or... I dunno. It just makes you look guilty."


    She pursed her lips. "So what am I supposed to do if I didn''t do it?"


    "That depends. If you''re talking to me or Marie or Saffron or Siobhan, or maybe Karen or Larry or Bonnie? Somebody you know is on your side and cares about you and is looking out for you? You shut your mouth until we ask you, and then you tell us what you know. Even if it makes you look guilty. And if you did do it? You tell us, because our first priority isn''t gonna be punishing you, it''s gonna be trying to clean up the mess, and we can''t clean the mess if we don''t know what the mess is."


    She looked doubtful, but nodded. "Okay. What about anybody else?"


    I smiled. "Then you shut your mouth and wait for one of us. I don''t care who it is, you shut your mouth and wait for one of us to come get you."


    "But what if they''re trying to help, or you don''t know where we are?"


    I put my hands on her shoulders and looked her right in the eye. "You know who I am." She nodded. "You know who my father is." She nodded again. "You know who your big brother is?"


    "Conrad?" Her eyes got more than a little wide.


    "Yeah, Conrad. If something happens and we don''t know where you are? Every single person in that room over there is gonna be looking for you. Same as any of your sisters. Me. Mom. Marie. Loki. Sigyn. Conrad. If we have to get them involved, the whole Army of the Alliance. And we will find you. And we will come for you. But while you''re waiting?"


    "Keep my mouth shut."


    I pulled her in for a hug. "Good kid. Hungry?"


    "Yeah!"


    "Let''s go get some dinner."


    Marie shot Saffron and I a look as everyone in the suite got down to the serious business of eating. The dining room stands empty.


    Huh. Wonder why.


    Saffron answered. It could be Bonnie isn''t feeling well. Or perhaps is feeling a bit too well to let Larry out of their suite?


    Oh, now I feel guilty, because my brain doesn''t want to think about them getting it on, which means I''d rather she was...


    Right about then a sharp knock sounded on the door. When we opened it, Lachlan stood there, wild eyed. "The baby''s having a Bonnie! I mean, the Bonnie is having a baby! I mean.."


    I grabbed his arm. "Okay, okay, dude, we get it. Does she need us?"


    "Uh... I guess Healers? Um, girl Healers, in case she feels some kinda way?


    I snorted. "Hey Siobhan? You do midwife stuff?"


    She stepped up beside me as I turned. "Of course." She turned, "Imperator, can I call upon you should you be needed?"


    Saffron nodded. "Of course. Marie? Go with her, please?"


    I almost commented, then realized that if somebody, like a big beefy somebody who was already losing basic speech, decided to take a header into the floor if things got a little messy, having Marie along to catch him and move him out of the way would be pretty fuckin'' handy.


    Saffron and I got the kids to bed, despite how half of them wanted to rush up and greet their prospective new playmate. The women in the suite helped us out, telling stories about how boring childbirth was, just hours and hours of waiting. Even I could tell that most of it was bullshit, but that specific kind of bullshit that isn''t technically lying. Childbirth can take hours. Hours where not all that much is really happening. Just a woman lying there alternating between screaming in pain and panting and angry from being in pain.


    Once the kids were asleep, Saffron and I snuck out to the living room and sat down. "Any idea how long it''s gonna be?" I asked.


    Saffron shrugged. "He''s at least half Dan. She''s less than half Bag, but I wouldn''t say much less than half, given the Obols. I''ve heard Dan matrons have difficult labors. I''ve heard Bag mothers have easy ones."


    "What about you?"


    She shot me a look that was half grimace, half smirk. "On the one hand, I am, as you have noted many times, and take advantage of whenever you think I''ll let you get away with it, very petite. On the other, I have what my grandmother referred to as ''birthing hips''. Even moreso since having actually given birth. Also, Isnomi was even tinier when she was born. From my reading that''s one of the more pertinent causes of easy Bag labor."


    "Uh... huh?"


    "We have smaller babies. Some of that may be the shorter gestation period. Some may be our generally smaller stature." Her expression darkened. "Some of it may be lack of proper nutrition for so many of us. Some of it may be..." She stopped herself, shook her head. "No point in holding grudges at this point. Forward. Always forward."


    I smiled at her and snuggled her into my side. She curled into me. "You certainly seem to hold onto your grudges against Gods though?"


    She looked up at me, her eyes cold, but really kind of looking through me. "Against those who suborn themselves to you, as they ought? Of course not. They have seen the error of their ways and seek to atone. But the others?"


    "Okay. Yeah. I get it, if somebody''s continuing to be a twatwaffle, it''s not a ''grudge''."


    She smiled and stretched up to kiss my chin. "Exactly."


    We sat there, waiting, for hours. I looked in through Siobhan''s eyes at one point, then looked right the fuck back away. I did not need that view of Bonnie. Like, okay, yeah, I''m down for admiring orchids, but this was not ''orchid ready to be admired'', this was ''orchid tryna pass a bowling ball''. "Hey, Kitten?"


    "Yes, love?"


    "We''re planning on having kids, right?" She nodded, smiling wryly. "You''re planning on knocking me up, right?"


    She chuckled a little. "Searching for ways to ensure it happens, as a matter of fact."


    "Yeah... Um... Is there, like, a shapeshifting thing like with the Marie teeth thing, only to make the baby ejection port like a foot across?"


    She snorted, barked out a single laugh, then covered her mouth with her hands and buried her face in my lap laughing. When she got control over herself, she sat up, wiping away tears, and said, "I''m sorry, love, but from the research I''ve done, shapeshifting while pregnant is discommended."


    "Oh. Damn." Dad? Did you?


    Spend an increasingly uncomfortable year as a mare? Yes.


    Fuck.


    That would be how I got that way, yes.


    I snorted out a laugh. Thanks, Dad. I needed that. You''re the best.


    I know.


    "At any rate, that image... You have accused me more than once of wanting to ''stretch you out so wide I could walk in and put you on like a suit of armor''."


    I snorted. "Yeah, well. I don''t really think you want that."


    She looked me right in the eye from less than an inch away, her breath hot on my lips when she said, "who said I didn''t?" Then she stopped me from making any coherent response to that by kissing me.


    The rest of the night passed like that. After breakfast in the suite, Maze took the kids and most of the women into the bedroom to read some Pratchett to them. Not sure which one, Marie took her to grab it off the shelves back at the Academy. A few hours after that, I thought at Siobhan, everything going okay?


    This labor is... exceedingly difficult. I do not know why, but she does not appear to be dilating properly.


    That''s... not good.


    No, it''s not. Imperator, could you come up to consult please?


    A moment later, my arms were empty. A bit of humming in my brain from Saffron later, she thought, she''s dilated, just not wide enough to pass the baby. Also... there''s some discoloration, I think? Is that bruising?


    It''s been like that since I arrived. So... possibly? I hate to think so. It''s so dark. Almost... The two of them both looked over at where Bonnie''s right hand gripped one of the posts of the bed. The wood had cracked around her matte black fingers. Her other hand clutched at both of Larry''s, and I''m not sure if his fingers were in much better shape than the post.


    Bonnie panted, then screamed and heaved, every muscle in her body going tense. Then... a horrible sound, a crunch with an almost liquid sound underneath it.


    I didn''t think. "No..."


    I stepped up to the Heir''s suite in my wireframe world. Domnu stood behind me, and I silenced her with one upraised hand. "Can you help, in a way that does not in any way harm the mother or child?"


    "The child is dying already."


    "I''ll take that as a no. Shut. The. Fuck. Up." I looked down at Bonnie. Through her. I saw the baby in her belly, pressed up against the dead black, insufficiently dilated, impossible to break cervix. I didn''t know exactly how to do what needed to be done. But I didn''t have to. Not here. Not now. I stepped over to Marie and Mimicked her claws. Then I stepped back, took a deep breath, and ran one claw down across her belly from top to bottom. Blood and some fluid spilled out, then froze like everything else in the timeless darkness. I reached in, pulled the baby out, pushed its fleeing Soul back in, and Healed it. Him. Took after his uncle. I pulled the umbilical out, sliced it off, and froze for a second before laying him next to his mother and just tying it off. No idea if that was the right thing or not, but it seemed better than just, y''know, leaving it dangling.


    There in the timeless darkness, I leaned over Bonnie and said what I don''t think I could say to her face. "I''m sorry, Bonnie. I fucked this up back then. We''ll... find a way to make this better... to do this better, if you want to have another one. I promise."


    "Daughter."


    "Shut. Up. Mom."


    I Healed her. Heal Injury didn''t leave so much as a scar, although she had a few stretch marks already. Not a lot.


    I sighed. "Y''know what really sucks?" Mom didn''t reply. Something, something, something, I''d core her and pretend I hadn''t if she said anything else. "I remember like this. But I don''t know if past me will remember. Fuck. Mom?"


    "May I speak?"


    "No. If, when I let go, I drop this kid? You catch it. Without hurting it or anyone else in any way. I know you understand, and if you don''t? I will make you envy every Mortal you''ve ever watched die."


    Then I let Time flow...


    ...I blinked at the sudden weight of a kid in my arms. Fortunately, apparently my instinctive response to ''sudden mini-human covered in forty weight motor oil'' was ''cradle them so they don''t slip'', not ''yeet the baby''. I stepped over to Bonnie, who was weeping and pulling Larry over to shove her face into his chest. "Uh, Bonnie?" She didn''t say anything. Just sobbed into Larry''s chest. "I think this guy is yours?"


    Her head snapped around so fast I think she might have broken something in Larry''s general head region. Then her wide eyed stare of dawning joy got eclipsed by another contraction.


    "Tabitha?"


    "Yep. Whatcha need, Siobhan?"


    "Did you remove the afterbirth?"


    I winced. "Uh... Sorry, Bonnie."

 Day Five Hundred And One

    Dear Diary,


    "Bloodlust is a tiger''s tail,


    If you wouldn''t do a Maenad,


    Bloodlust might not be for you."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Bloodlust


    Yeah, can''t think of a more succinct way to close this one out. Not sure if it absolutely gets my point across, but given who and what they are, not to mention the dribs and drabs I''ve learned about them, I don''t think the Maenads will be terribly pissed off if they start getting hit on by people in desperate need of Bloodlust to complete their Vengeance. Shit, they might even find another way, whether that''s joining Marie''s sisters or getting one of them to proxy in for them.


    I''m not gonna cry big tears if there are more Maenads in the world. Okay, from my interactions with them while working construction, they seem to have a lot of ''former abuse victim'' red flags. Given that I haven''t shoved a spit up Dionysus'' ass and roasted him like a pig, and that Maenads don''t seem exactly incapable of making their displeasure known with anything less than a Deity, I''m assuming the abuse occurred before they became Maenads. Tells me a lot more about why I haven''t eliminated the ultimate party bro that his ''chosen people'' are abuse victims who he''s altered so they can defend themselves. So they can feel safe. So to get back to not crying if there are more Maenads, I''m gonna be pissed someone got so hurt they had to join the Maenads, but be happy they found a safe space. Because ''within arm''s length of a Maenad'' seems to be a pretty fuckin'' safe space for women and kids.


    I really do want to see Marie as herself before I go. Like, if we figure out how to undo the Blessing enough that Future Me can come back and, y''know, be herself rather than being me, I''m straight up gonna ask if I can spend one last however long stoned on Fae grain, just so I can spend that whole fuckin'' time lookin'' at Marie. Then again, might want a day looking at Mom, too, since apparently if I go away, Future Me sees Sigyn as Sigyn, which... isn''t the same. Yeah, I get that she is in fact my adopted mom, and loves me like her own, because she''s awesome like that, but some part of me deep inside wants Marie Diaz to hold me, comfort me, tell me she''s proud of me, of what I''ve become, of what I''ve done.


    If nothing else, I hope Future Me gets to remember that part. Shit, if they can choose which part of the Blessing to turn off? Like ''forget shit'', ''stay home'', or ''see Mom''? I absolutely would not hesitate to erase ''forget shit''. Even knowing it would remove this version of me. I''m pretty sure Future Me is just better at protecting everyone, keeping them safe, doing all the parts of ''parent'' that are my core competency. Like, Saffron pays the bills and makes the plans, Marie cooks the food and keeps everything clean, and I... give hugs and wreck shit. Fuck, now I''ve got myself depressed wondering if she gives better hugs than me. Y''know what? I fuckin'' hope she does. I hope that when they manage to pry this well intentioned but problematic Blessing off me, the kids wind up with someone who is a better parent than I am in every particular.


    Because it''s not about me, is it? I''m a parent now. Yeah, it got kinda dumped on me when I showed up due to the Blessing, and yeah, I never expected I''d love it so much, but I do. I love it, and them, more than life itself. If making the world a better place for every one of them, not to mention my partners, means I have to go away? Then I have to go away.


    Not my first choice, mind you, not one that fills me with joy, but one I can accept, one I''ve come to terms with.


    So yeah, last night shit got unpleasant. Bonnie''s belly decided to decant, and something went wrong. Watching through Saffron and Siobhan''s eyes, hearing with their ears, I saw a splurt of something from Bonnie''s bits, heard that awful wet crunching sound, and the next thing I knew I had an armful of mini-human covered in slippery post-amniotic goo. After confirming to Siobhan that I had not, in fact, removed the placenta or even all of the umbilical, I stepped over to Larry''s side. "You wanna hold him?"


    "Thank you, Commander, but..." he went silent except a hissed breath as Bonnie crunched up and squeezed his hand with the force of another contraction. He looked past me and said, "Stheno? If you could please?"


    As I turned I heard a very familiar voice say, "Euryale." A Maenad in a Maid''s uniform, but one far closer to the ones I''d seen Lancaster House maids wearing than Marie''s outfit, stepped up and held out her arms.The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.


    "Here you go. Careful, he''s squirmy and greasy."


    She rolled her eyes and said, "newborn," in that familiar yet different voice. With one big, manicured hand she scooped the little one out of my arms, with the other she undid a button and attached the kid to a tit. The vague grumbly noises Bonnie had been completely obscuring with her ongoing labor groans went away as the little guy latched on and started sucking.


    I thought for a second, not wanting to leave, but having nothing really useful to do. Eventually a neuron fired in my head. "Your name is Euryale?" The nursemaid Maenad nodded. "That''s one of Medusa''s sister''s names."


    "Yes."


    She definitely wasn''t anywhere near as talkative as my favorite Maenad, but I was trying to be friendly. Mostly wanted to stay near the kid until I saw him safe in Bonnie''s arms, I guess. "So, were you named after her?"


    "No."


    "Oh. Common name where you''re from?"


    "No."


    I faltered as her monosyllabic replies left me with, like, nothing to start up a conversation. I stood there thinking until another neuron fired off. "Wait. The other Maenad working for the Lancasters is Stheno?" She nodded. "That''s a funny..." Her stare cut my comment off mid-sentence. "That''s not a coincidence, is it?"


    "No."


    I flopped my ass down into a tailor''s seat on the floor. "Wow." Euryale focused on the baby. I couldn''t really fault her for that. After another little while, maybe half an hour, maybe more, maybe less, Bonnie let out one final screaming grunt, and another one of those awful wet noises filled the room, along with a kind of weird farting noise. No crunches this time, thankfully, but when I looked around to see what happened, I saw Lachlan taking a header for the floor. Another Maenad grabbed him before his face met the stone, for which anybody who liked a handsome face undoubtedly thanked her. It wasn''t until she scooped him up and carted him off, out cold, than I noticed the absolute spray of gore leading out from Bonnie''s hoo hah out into the room, right toward where Lachlan had been standing.


    "What the fuck?"


    Siobhan turned around, her hands a little messy, a few bits of red on her robes, but smiling calmly. "It seems you left some air inside when you extracted Bonnie''s little one."


    Saffron nodded. "Between that and her patently insufficient dilation, the afterbirth evacuated... energetically."


    "Just tell me it''s over," Bonnie moaned. A moment later she waved her hands, and Euryale brought the boy over to her. She took him in her arms, lowered him down and ended his squawking about tit removal with the only acceptable solution. She looked up at me when I stood and said, "thank you, Commander."


    I shrugged. "I didn''t do anything, really."


    She just laughed at me. "Sure, Tabitha. I''m not quite that much of an idiot." Then she waved me over. Waved everybody else over, really. "As we planned, Larry?"


    "So soon?"


    Bonnie just nodded, and Larry nodded in turn. "Everyone, I''m pleased to introduce Lucas Lancaster. Lucas, this is your father, Laurence. Our Patron, the Commander, Tabitha Diaz. Her wife, the Imperator, Saffron Aetos-Diaz. Your nursemaid, Euryale. Sister Siobhan Darling, Healer of the Academy." She looked around, then let out a sound that was half laugh, half sigh. "I suppose meeting your uncle and your other nursemaid will have to wait for later."


    I nodded and slipped my hand into Saffron''s. "You be okay if we head back down?"


    Bonnie nodded, and Siobhan said, "I''ll stay with them to be sure her contractions settle down properly, make sure everything is settled."


    Saffron stepped us back to the suite, and after a quick second bath, we stumbled to bed and fell asleep in the middle of a pile of exhausted sleeping kids.


    What with everybody being up damn near all night, nobody got up early the next day. Larry more or less declared the day a feast day, a day of celebration, so everybody pretty much slacked, and we all ate the kind of stuff that took minimal prep. Or at least stuff I thought of as ''minimal''. Gotta say, it all still came out great. Oatmeal. Scrambled eggs. Water. Uninspiring, but kinda comforting. Warm and filling.


    Nobody really had much energy to do much, either, so by bath time we''d done fuck all.


    Dreamt of just... chilling. Subdued. Vibing with the universe and shit,.


    In the morning, we got up at the normal time, but due to a near mutiny by the horde hoard, we didn''t go to the Homestead today. Instead, everybody trooped up to the Heir''s suite and, with a smallest-possible-size Isnomi kneeling on the bed nearby, me standing not too much further than that, and Marie managing traffic, one by one everybody in the fuckin'' house trooped through to get introduced to the two day old kid. I mean, I kinda get it. This was the closest thing to a prince any of them were likely to see, and this was kinda the public acknowledgement of him being born, and being Larry''s, and all that good shit.


    Still kinda boring as fuck, though.


    But... and I know how weird this is for me to say, especially after saying that last? I kinda liked it.

 Day Five Hundred And Two

    Dear Diary,


    "Passion is not about sex,


    It''s about what lights a fire,


    Somewhere deep inside your Soul."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Passion


    Yeah, doing Passion before Ecstasy, because Passion really does usually come before Ecstasy. Don''t know what Future Me was thinking. If she doesn''t like it, she can rearrange stuff when she''s back in charge. The more I think about it, the more I realize that Saffron is probably right. I''m not actually a separate person, I''m not a different Tabitha than Future Me. I''m just her with a medical condition. Okay, a magical condition. A Blessing gone wrong. But it sure as shit feels like I''m a different person. Intellectually, I get it, there''s just one of us. Emotionally, I''m... resigned. Still scared, yeah. Still angry, and depressed, and maybe in denial a little bit, but mostly resigned. Any kid from the hood can tell you, you get good at speedrunning the stages of grief, at least to the point where you can be sort of functional.


    Passion''s rough for me. Like, there''s plenty of shit that I used to be passionate about. I sure as shit am passionate about my partners and kids. But even there it''s kind of a flickering thing, because the Black Dog nips at my heels constantly. Depression sucks. Weirdest thing about being from where I''m from is that the few times I went to therapy, the therapist wound up absolutely at a loss whether I''d got depression from some kind of genetic condition, which would just be chronic depression, or from living the life I led where I led it, which would be fixable if, y''know, there was any reasonable chance I could live some other kind of life. The lack of any kind of real mobility, along with the brains to realize that, is kind of what left her at a loss. Is it bad that I made my therapist cry? Not by trolling her. Just by, y''know, describing my condition like you''re supposed to do with them, I think.


    I had things I wanted to be passionate about back there. Some that I even was once in a while. Books. Sex, in as much as you can be passionate about sex with acquaintances who aren''t really very good at it. Food, although again that''s rough to be passionate about when most of what you can get is nuked or made with as little effort as possible from the cheapest possible ingredients. But between the constant depression and the really shitty options I had to choose from, I never really got into either the way I wanted.


    I''m lucky, in a way. My depression kills my joy in my passions, but it doesn''t, like, never let me feel it ever. If I can do enough stuff to get enough serotonin and dopamine flowing, I can get really into something. I can get mad about shit easy, although that''s not really the best way to fight it. Still better than the gray life I read about some people living. Flashes of light are better than eternal darkness, i guess.


    After spending all day yesterday introducing the house to the newest Lancaster, baby Lucas, not to mention meeting the Lancaster''s nursemaids, who just happen to be, like, famous as shit, but apparently are undercover or in hiding or in the Maenad Witness Protection Program or something, we all decided to do bath time after dinner. Nobody stank, and that way we could clean any table mishaps off in the tub. Because Bonnie and Larry and even baby Lucas definitely put in an appearance at dinner. Kinda surprised me, but what with magical Healing being a thing, and Bonnie apparently being a Hero-in-training her own self, moving down to the dining room wasn''t beyond her. Of course, she had two Maenads and Larry hovering the entire time she moved, orbiting her like tugboats around a tanker. Not that she really had any kind of a tanker look going on. She''d gotten herself back into her Academy uniform, and I think the jacket was stiff enough to provide some ersatz corsetry. Or maybe she had actual corsetry. Not like Larry couldn''t afford it, and given her lactating cup size, she definitely needed something.


    Weirdest thing, the only person I''d seen in a bra was Saffron. None of the women, even Devorah. Just her. Gotta ask about that at some point, maybe, although mine don''t seem to have sagged too badly.


    So other than a kind of Brownian motion of kids getting up and wandering over to ogle the baby, dinner was pretty normal. Okay, Larry feeding Bonnie wasn''t exactly normal, but well within tolerances for them. Also, completely adorable, since we had roast chicken and he insisted on cutting everything into, like, kid sized bites with no nasty bits in. Hell, I''m not sure how much he ate, because I am sure that he cut apart a lot of his chicken and stuffed it into her. Fuckit, I''m sure the nursemaids won''t actually let him starve himself. Hell, I''m pretty sure Bonnie won''t let him starve himself, it''s not like the adoration is a one way street there.


    When we got back to the room for bath time, I had a sudden thought when I saw Marie adjusting one kid''s nightgown. "Hey, Mittens?"


    She looked up and tilted her head as she continued letting the hem of the nightgown out and resewing it to account for growth.


    "Any chance you could knock together some smocks for the kids to use when they''re painting?"


    Without any discernable pause, she nodded and said, "Yes."


    Meanwhile Menace looked up at me from where I was toweling her and said, "wath a smog?


    I looked around for half a second, then pointed her at Marie. "See Marie''s apron?"


    "Yeth?"


    "A smock is like that, only it covers more. So you don''t get your clothes quite so dirty. They''re usually made out of easy to clean stuff, so you''re not giving Marie quite so much extra work when you get messy."


    I watched her face as I spoke, and she definitely looked like she felt some kinda way about that. "Bud dath da fun pawt."


    I raised an eyebrow. "The fun part is making more work for Marie? Making her job harder?"


    Her lip shot out. "No. Dath nod wad I mend. Da meth ith da fun pawt."You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.


    I shrugged. "Nobody said you can''t make a mess. This just makes it easier to clean you up afterward."


    She chewed over that for a bit until I scooted her over to Marie. At which point she looked up, swallowed, and, sounding more than a little bit embarrassed, said, "I''m sorry we... I''m sorry I made more work for you."


    Marie reached down, lifted her to look eye to eye, and said, "Scamp." Then enfolded her in a hug.


    Yeah, I''m sure I''ve been doing my best on the parenting thing, since that''s, I dunno, something I don''t need super powers to do. But honestly so far the Menace had been the one I worried about the most, what with her being obviously more than a little headstrong, and she''d been really good about accepting correction. I guess Marie, Saffron and Future Me must have been doing a good job. I just hoped I didn''t screw things up somehow, but I''m sure Saffron and Marie would tell me.


    Snuggled into the cuddle pile, dreamt of a lovely meal of pasta, dumplings, and popsicles, with a fiery whiskey accompanying. Whole meal got thrown off by... something. An unpleasant screeching that came from the direction of the morning sun, and woke me well before dawn.


    Pulled Saffron over to the Bed room for a little privacy before anybody else woke up. Before anybody else except Marie woke up, because she joined us a moment later. "Kitten?"


    I waited while Saffron booted up, then said, "please tell me this isn''t another emergency."


    "I''m not sure?"


    Saffron nodded. "Tell me?"


    I took a deep breath and tried to put my thoughts in order. At that point I realized I''d more or less pushed the panic button over a bad dream. Still, she''d asked, and telling her it was nothing now seemed like adding stupid fuel to the idiot fire. "I... had a bad dream?" As her brow furrowed, I shook my head. "No. Details. I, uh, dream about you guys on the regular."


    She smiled, and laid a hand against my cheek. "We''ve spoken about this before. Everything in those dreams is an act of Worship, and we do not suffer from it."


    My jaw dropped a little. "Uh. Oh. Okay, that''s cool. Kinda worried a little, but thought, ''oh, just a dream'', and knowing that it''s more than that but it''s okay is kinda pre-emptive weight off my shoulders. But that''s not it."


    She frowned. "Go on?"


    "I heard something. Something not normal."


    She nodded, then held up a hand. "Please, you''ve by now heard that the town you awoke in, Calverton, was recently infested with Undead?"


    "Yeah?"


    "Our first warning regarding the Undead in Calverton came from one of your dreams. While they might or might not be easy to interpret, they are not to be ignored."


    I sighed, shoulders slumping with relief. "Yeah, I''m not sure whether this is anything like that, but... I''m glad I told you, and really glad you didn''t get all pissed at me for waking you up early to talk about my bad dream."


    She smiled at me, then poked me with a finger. "And now you''re talking about talking again, which is just so... you."


    I snorted. "Yeah, I''m a special snowflake. Anyway, I heard something in the dream. Some kinda loud, unpleasant screeching. Like, so bad it woke me up."


    She tilted her head, obviously thinking at speeds that would leave my poor brain on fire. "Were there any words?"


    "Not that I could tell."


    She nodded. "Did you get a sense of where the sound was coming from?"


    "East."


    Karen?


    My Highest Priestess sounded like she hadn''t been entirely awake when Saffron spoke into her brain. Mm''yeah?


    Did you notice anything out of the ordinary in Phileo yesterday?


    Nothing. A short pause, then Karen asked, May I know why?


    Our Goddess has heard something unpleasant in the east. I''ll contact Ophelia, Olga, and Orla. Please convey the Imperator''s desire for information to the ship Captains of Phileo.


    Yes, Imperator.


    "You really think this is that important?"


    She shrugged. "Last time you detected something in one of your dreams, it was a City full of Undead. If this turns out to be nothing? Perhaps in the future we can afford to react less... stridently. But for now? I''d rather we overreacted than underreacted." She frowned. "I just wish..."


    "Careful. Ria might be listening." Saffron rolled her eyes. "Or, y''know, her mom or sister. Wait, doesn''t she have another sister?"


    "She does. As we''re now courting Rich Man''s Port as a seventh Alliance City, we probably ought investigate Adrienne Crow; either to facilitate a reconciliation or remove her as an issue."


    I frowned. "You mean kill her."


    Saffron just shrugged. "Removal need not be lethal. Although that is the simplest way. We could offer her a position elsewhere in the Alliance; New Amsterdam, for example, is still vastly underrepresented in terms of Heroes. Calverton might be too close, and there''s a history of bad blood between Calverton and Rich Man''s Port, but they too remain understaffed. Then again, her desires might not be for that type of power. Or her desire might not be power at all." She sighed. "I suppose at some point I''ll have to speak with Lady Crow regarding her errant daughter. In the meanwhile, however?" She leaned over and wrapped her arms around me. "We''re awake at least half an hour early. Hold me?"


    The three of us spent that time cuddled together vibing. Of course when we returned to the suite, Siobhan pouted at us. Saffron helped her to her feet, then pulled us all around her. "We had political and potentially military things to discuss, and you need rest after your midwifery. Don''t worry, little Ice Pop. We''re all eager for you to resume your proper duties."


    "Tonight?"


    All three of us, including Marie, laughed at the eager puppy tone in her question. Saffron nodded, but it was Marie who said, "Tonight." Kinda settled the discussion, as Marie''s declarations were wont to do.


    Breakfast was waffles, and Ria got her own. When we hit the Homestead, with Saffron once again heading off to the Overlord''s Court, since it seemed like everything to be done to the Homestead at this point was detail work, I wound up making and placing steps in the bore we''d drilled from the mountaintop. Of course, what I wanted to do was go see what the kids were up to with their painting, but after making sure they''d all put their new smocks on, Menace unceremoniously barred me from entering ''our rooms''. Apparently, as Alex explained, none of ''the moms'' were allowed into the rooms until the kids were done decorating them.


    I looked at Marie, but she seemed copacetic with it, and I''d realized by this point that if a Maenad was gonna let a kid do something, the danger level was lower than, y''know, just living in the town where I grew up. So I shut up, told them to have fun, let them know I wanted to see it as soon as it was done, then went on about my day of turning rocks into steps, then gluing them in place. Interestingly, we''d started cutting the mine shaft deeper and wider for more rocks. A couple each of the ladies and Maenads bringing in big timbers to reinforce the ceiling and walls. Most importantly, we hit a couple raggedy assed seams of coal as we cut the shaft open, so we had some fuel for the big furnaces down in the basement. I still don''t know when those arrived. Just... so much going on, and I''m not exactly the best at keeping track of shit, but... our Homestead was really starting to feel like it might be a Home in time for, I dunno, whatever they do for Christmas around here.


    Still want to see what the kids are doing with our rooms. Especially since when they arrived at the end of the day, Maze carried all their clothes in one big mostly clean bundle, and all of them wore nothing but really messy smocks.


    And had paint absolutely everywhere again.

 Day Five Hundred And Three

    Dear Diary,


    "Everyone needs Passion,


    But Passion is hard for some,


    To find, to ignite, to hold."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Passion


    Yeah, I''m a hell of a candidate for Passion, what with the chronic depression. Like, I guess it doesn''t hit me as hard now, what with there usually being something genuinely productive to do, not to mention being positively surrounded by loved ones. ''Loved ones'', there''s a hell of a phrase. Not one I''d have seen myself using on the regular prior to waking up in Calverton. Maybe if I''d gone into one of those smarmy jobs where you try to con people by talking about their impact on the people around them. Y''know, insurance salesman, politician, clergy.


    Fuck, I have actual Clergy. Like, not just random charismatic fuckers who work one day a week and get to wear suits and write off their income as tax free, but, like, people who represent a legitimate other person who is technically some portion Divine. Shit, if you go by bodyweight the ''Mortal'' part of me might as well not exist, what with me being a more or less normal sized woman. Okay, little bit tall for here and now, but not Marie tall, or even Sigyn tall. Just, y''know, in a crowd of normal sized women lined up by height, I''d be near the front. Or the back, if we''re going littlest first. Where Saffron would pretty much be right at the little end, assuming everybody in line is an adult.


    I wonder a little bit about that, how she''s so short when the rest of the Academy crowd I''ve had the chance to hang with are a lot more ''normal woman'' sized. Like, Bonnie and Raven are both shorter than me, but not by as much as Saffron. Larry''s my height, which I guess is short for a guy, and definitely shorter than Lachlan. Lachlan''s well over six foot tall. But, dragging my brain back to the point, either whatever Bag Grandma Aetos hooked up with was short as fuck, or maybe malnutrition hit her like a truck. I mean, puberty certainly did, because she rivals even Bonnie''s post partum baby feeding boobs.


    Y''know, at some point I''m gonna say some of this dumb shit out loud, like, ''wow, Saffron''s tits are as big as a woman who''s nursed a kid''. While, y''know, having an obvious mini-Saffron running around dictating everything to everyone like a tiny little version of her mom. I mean, my Saffron''s rack is impressive even for a woman who''s nursing, they''re just, y''know, ''natural monster mammaries'' rather than ''fully inflated and ready to feed the world''. Lest it be misconstrued, the term ''monster'' in this context is entirely based on their size, not any type of deformity or desire to flee from them. Fuck it, even if they were, I''m sure... FUCK! I lost my purse. I mean, I guess I lost it some time between getting here and the time I showed up to give Future Me a sabbatical, but I went to all the trouble to print out a full color monsterfucker permit and laminate it and shit, and now it''s gone.


    Ah, well. I''m sure I''ve come up with dumber jokes between then and now. I''ll come up with dumber ones in the future. Hell, I''ve got a whole little squad of ne''er do wells to assist me. I''m pretty sure all of them are down for shenanigans of the chaotic stupid mischievous kind. I dunno if Future Me did anything like that, but before I gotta go, I definitely want to check that off my, off our, bucket list.


    Speaking of buckets, the kids apparently went through a couple more buckets of paint each. When I collected them in the bath room, before we started stripping and scrubbing, I lined them up and asked, "did any of you swallow any of the paint?"


    That got a lot of them looking at each other and shrugging, and Menace trying to look at her own disturbingly black tongue. After a dozen seconds of that, she uncrossed her eyes and said, "why?"


    I sighed, then squatted down so I could get eye to eye with most of them. "Because almost every kind of paint I can think of is some degree of poisonous."


    "Bud id tathteth thweed?"


    I hung my head a second. "Yeah. Yeah, I''ve heard that. But the ones that taste sweet are some of the worst ones of all. Worst of all, a lot of them don''t kill you." When they all looked a little confused, I said, "they give you brain damage. Make you stupid, or impulsive, or aggressive, or all other kinds of incapable of thinking. And a lot of that shit is permanent." I looked over at Siobhan, who''d been watching, a little appalled as I described what I remembered of lead poisoning. Like, I''m not sure any of the paints had lead in them, but I''m pretty sure none of them were meant for consumption. "Sister, do you have anything to purge poison from somebody?"


    She nodded, but sighed. "Sadly, it''s not terribly pleasant."


    I shrugged. "Can''t be worse than brain damage, or shit eating holes in your stomach, or any of the other weird shit paint can do if you drink too much of it for too long." I held out my hands for Isnomi, who toddled over and got up on my knee while Siobhan walked over to lay a hand on her head.


    "Ready, Isnomi?"


    "Weddy."


    Siobhan did... something, and a moment later Isnomi leapt off my knee and sprinted for the toilet. First she spat up what looked like a glob of black jelly, then she leapt to plant her butt on the seat. The kids kinda chuckled at the sounds coming out of her, right up until I quietly said, "who''s next when she''s done?"The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    One by one Siobhan purged whatever the kids had gotten into themselves. I felt really bad for Daya and David, who both looked like the rapid evacuation of their bowels was more upsetting to them than the thought that they''d been poisoned. Alex had been acting all tough, like no poison in the world could possibly hurt her, but when Siobhan tagged her with the anti-Poison Shape, she wound up barfing and sharting at the same time. Marie cleaned her up and I carried her over to Saffron, letting her hide her tear-streaked face in my shoulder while I did. Lindsey... just took her turn on the toilet, spitting out a wad of goop the size of a pea before turning to take a normal crap.


    "Didn''t like the taste?"


    She shrugged. "Something smelled bad about it."


    "You didn''t think to tell the others?"


    She shrugged again, but frowned a little. "Not like they''d listen," she said quietly.


    "Due diligence, kiddo. Besides, some of them might. And if you tell Menace or Maze or maybe Ria, they might back you up."


    She sighed and hung her head. "I''m sorry."


    When she slipped off the pot I pulled her into a hug. "You didn''t exactly do something wrong. But in the future?"


    "Yeah. Okay. Mama." I couldn''t tell if that last had slipped out, or if she''d done it on purpose. But she scampered over to wait for bath time with Saffron before I could get a good look at her face.


    Ria didn''t even spit. "I don''t eat paint," she explained. "My tutors explained the possible ramifications."


    "Ooh. Big word. You heard what I said to Lindsey?" She blushed. "Goes for you as well, kiddo."


    She nodded, then said, "so strange."


    "What''s that?"


    "Lindsey. It''s... I grew up with my brother, so I''ve always assumed it''s a boy''s name. Is she a boy?"


    My turn to shrug. "I don''t think so, but you could ask her, if it matters."


    "Doesn''t it?"


    "Some people think it''s important. Other people don''t really care. Like, I don''t think it matters to Conrad except for artistic purposes. Some people only want to be romantic with boys or girls. Some people get really weird about boys seeing them naked, but are okay with girls, or vice versa. Some people think that girls should have one set of jobs and boys should have another."


    She slipped off the pot and stepped into the hug I offered. "What do you think?"


    I smiled at her. "I think people are who they are, and that matters more than whether they''re girls or boys. But I also think I''m a girl, and for some people whether they''re a girl or a boy is a big important thing. So, y''know, know who you are, and ask your friends if it matters to them. And your sibs, if it''s not readily apparent."


    She tilted her head. "Like David?"


    I laughed. "Oh, definitely like David. Girliest girl ever to girl."


    She nodded and walked over to wait her turn in the tub. Meanwhile, before I went on towel duty, I gave Maze a quick hug before she took her turn on the pot. "Sorry, papa."


    "Did you tell them not to?"


    She nodded. "But they didn''t listen. I think Isnomi has her Mom''s taste for sweet things."


    I shook my head ruefully. "She straight up drank a bucket of paint, didn''t she?"


    Maze tried to hide her smile but couldn''t. "Two."


    "Not your fault. Not even your job to tattle, really. But be aware, Menace is absolutely immortal in any way that matters. So using her as a test if something is dangerous is maybe not the best idea."


    She nodded, and I headed off to toweling duty. Menace first, of course.


    "Thowwy, Mama."


    Bundling her and pulling her to me for a moment, I asked, "why?" I mean, I thought I knew, but its important to have kids say it, both to make sure they understand and to maybe drive it home a little.


    She thought about it, then swallowed and said, "I did something dumb, and got the others to do the same dumb thing."


    "Dumb, or...?"


    "Dangerous," she whispered.


    I nodded. "Yeah." Then I got a really stupid idea, looked around until I found the tiny blond I''d been looking for. "Hey, Liam?"


    He started and moved his gaze incrementally from Menace to me. "Yes, Commander?"


    I guess he picked that up from his uncle or dad or something. "Has your dad started teaching you Mana Shaping yet?"


    "Only the basics, but yes!"


    I nodded. "Okay then." I looked back down to Menace, then thought to Saffron and Siobhan both, you down for some teaching? When they both made inquisitive noises in my head, I said, "would you and your sisters like to start learning some basic Healing Magics, just in case one of you gets hurt and you can''t get to an adult in time?"


    As our littlest one imitated a bobblehead, Saffron thought, you realize some of them are far too small to express or Shape Mana?


    Yeah, I get that, Kitten, but some of them aren''t, and the ones who are can still learn, like, the concepts, right?


    "So be it. Tomorrow we shall all have some lessons." She turned to Sister Siobhan. "Sister, would you mind hosting our lesson?"


    I got to see Siobhan go all strict. Really kinda hot, even if it didn''t happen very often. "So long as they''re all on their best behavior." Then she melted back to normal Ice Pop. "Isnomi has been more than helpful in the past, so I''m sure we can find something for them all to do if they tire of practicing."


    After everybody got clean and we got a hot meal into everyone, the big cuddle piles formed up. Before we all drifted off, Saffron yoinked the four of us to the Bed room, where she''d arranged us around Siobhan. "I believe someone was, as Tabitha would say, feeling some kind of way about being left out?"


    Siobhan blushed, managed to stay on her feet, and said, "well, I..."


    "And, after all, deserves to be preemptively rewarded for her hard work teaching our little miscreants how to put themselves and each other back together?"


    Fun watching her blush and blanch at the same time. Even more fun when she rallied. "I did have something in mind?" Then she pointed at the big drawer under the Bed.


    Speaking of bucket lists, got to check another item off mine. Never thought I''d be able to afford one of those.


    So all day long I worked on the steps up the Bore while listening to Saffron, Siobhan, and Marie try to teach the horde hoard the basics of Mana Shaping while Isnomi tried to show them all how to be ''helpful'' in the Infirmary. I did not, just to make it clear for posterity, cheat and look in on what they''d been painting.


    Holy shit, have I actually grown up enough to have an impulse and not give in to it immediately?

 Day Five Hundred And Four

    Dear Diary,


    "Passion is what inspires us,


    Passion is a fire that warms,


    Passion is an urge that drives."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Passion


    Yeah, I know this is probably kinda weird, what with me talking about depression in conjunction with Passion, but I think I might actually be Passionate about Passion. Like, yes, I am absolutely all about my partners. My towering tiger-lady Marie. My cool, smooth, sweet Ice Pop Siobhan. Of course, forever and always, my tiny tyrant and succulent short stack Saffron. I love them all Passionately, and I''m not just talking about sexy fun times. Hell, I''m not even really talking about sex at all. That''s an entirely different Passion of mine, one that just so happens to overlap with those three. As often as I can make it do so, really.


    Kinda wonder if Future Me is more, less, or equally into that aspect of the four of us. Like, She''s obviously the one who hooked up with each of them, but did she go after them, did they pounce on her, was it mutual, did we somehow actually get the surprise isekai power up of having functional rizz to throw, or do they all just enjoy my body odor. Which is another weird thing I got when isekaied. I haven''t mentioned it, because it''s clearly in the ''really weird, but everybody else takes in stride'' category like people purring and upright albino tigers and shit, but I smell like pumpkin pie spice. My pits and nethers natural odor when I get ripe is ''overflowing grandma spice cabinet''. And I do mean ''grandma'' as opposed to ''abuela'', because I don''t smell of cumin, coriander, or any variety of capsaicin bearing pepper. Just ginger, allspice, and its component parts. So weird.


    But while I''m maybe hesitant about being a Goddess of Homicide, Justified or not, and Vengeance and Bloodlust both need very careful application, I''m gonna have to think long and hard to come up with cautionary tales about Passion. I mean, I feel like I ought to, what with spending most of three ''books'' admonishing folks to be careful with my other Domains. I guess there''s some low hanging fruit there. Like if you''re really Passionate about something, you can wind up hurting people pursuing it. Or you can talk somebody''s ear off infodumping about it. I dunno, I''ll think about it over the next couple days of putting steps and guardrails into the Bore.


    Speaking of the Bore and guardrails, we''re actually putting them in. Wooden ones, mind you, but solid heavy things, the kind that I think would take some effort to break, and definitely wouldn''t splinter like balsa wood the moment somebody with some heft leaned on them. Like, Big Willy Johnson, Jarl and Domnu''s favorite chew toy, might not be able to lean on them safely, but then I''m pretty sure he wouldn''t fit on the steps in the first place. But I''m pretty sure even Marie and her sisters could slide down the rail without potentially breaking them. Not that I''d recommend that until they''ve been properly oiled, or waxed, or whatever the fuck people do to wood to keep it from cracking around here.This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    Speaking of, along with the steps, I also put a simple little hut over the top of the Bore. Nothing fancy, just four walls, a slanted roof, and a six inch high sill to keep any runoff or rain or other wet shit from flowing into the Bore. Totally my own idea, which I would feel way prouder of if, when I sent her a picture of it, she hadn''t thought, oh, Goddess, thank you, I''d intended to do that myself, but then got distracted by Lady Crow and this new line of research.


    Like, go me, I thought of something important without somebody telling me, but also, dammit, I hadn''t thought of something Saffron forgot. Not sure if Future Me has those kinds of moments of deep insecurity when faced with my wife''s towering intellect, but I sure as fuck do.


    So last night we all kinda stumbled to bed after we got everybody clean and fed. As the four of us lay there, I thought, you guys having trouble sleeping?


    I''m afraid so, thought Siobhan.


    We both spent the day physically mostly inactive, while having to think all day. A terrible combination for insomnia.


    Yeah, I''m kinda the flipside of that, but my brain is all active while my muscles are mush.


    Really? Saffron sounded surprised.


    I shrugged. The Maenads were out lumbering or guarding the ladies gathering stuff. I did that little stone hut by myself. By hand, since I wasn''t sure if anybody was watching. Didn''t want to pull out the tentacles without you around.


    Saffron''s fuzzy chuckle rubbed velvet around the inside of my head, and definitely put me in mind of the Bed room, but I really was a little bit tired; I think I''d overexerted maybe. Wish one of us was in any kind of shape to take charge and make things happen.


    Right about then another fuzzy chuckle hit me, this one in my ears. A moment later Marie delivered us all to our boudoir, and before long delivered all three of us into the sweet embrace of blissful sleep.


    Dreamt of Marie gently pushing my other three Priestesses into my maw over and over again, where they just melted, smiling as they did. Felt... something. Way out toward the direction of the rising sun. Lots of somethings, really, in the water, tickling my tentacles as they raced toward me.


    After breakfast I pulled Saffron aside and told her about it. "Your Kraken, you think?"


    I shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe? Is anybody else out in the ocean likely to, y''know, interact with me?"


    She thought for a while. "Your brother might? But along with him being petrified, I think he''d be rather distinctive should he contact you."


    "I have a brother?" I thought about it for a second. Specifically just long enough to remember that Loki had sons, only one of whom was notably aquatic. "Holy shit, you mean J?rmungandr?"


    "Unless you have another brother you haven''t told me about?"


    I thought about that for a bit, and realized that some part of me did think I had another one, but couldn''t for the life of me think who. That thought stuck with me through the day as I worked on the reinforcements and railings for the Bore steps. No super heavy lifting today, but lots of fiddly bits as I carved out little slots for stone and wood, slipped them in, and then Mineral Bonded them in place. Bugged the crap out of me all day long. Probably something Future Me had figured out, but now I didn''t remember.


    Really hope that when Saffron figures out how to un-Bless me, she''ll remember again. Having a brother and not remembering them would suck.


    Probably even worse than having a sister who forgot about you.

 Day Five Hundred And Five

    Dear Diary,


    "Passion binds us together,


    Share your Passions joyfully,


    Snuff not another''s Passion."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Passion


    Yeah, I think I might need to lean on this one a little. Because I''m guilty of it. I''m sure a lot of us are. Like, back in the day, I''d be sitting at lunch, or hanging at the mall food court, or in the back of a boring class, and somebody''d start gushing about some new anime, or band, or whatever the fuck lit a fire in their nethers, and I''d... I''d make fun of them for it. Like, sometimes I literally got my jollies making some poor bastard feel bad about the fact that they enjoyed something. Holy fuck, I can''t believe what a bitch I was. Like, who the fuck would do something like that?


    I mean, yeah, mean. I did that shit. My only excuse, such as it is, is that I was a poorly socialized bitch with little to no oversight on my behavior, and that little bit of petty bullying gave me my daily dose of dopamine. Which isn''t so much an ''excuse'' or ''justification'' as ''reason''. I mean, yeah, Zeus almost got eaten as a kid, so he maybe had a reason to be the biggest bitch boy on the planet for a bit after he realized his own father literally could not tell the difference between him and a rock, but, and this is the important part, when he ostensibly grew up and became King of the Gods, instead of saying, ''oh, hey, let''s make sure nobody ever goes through that shit again'', he just doubled down and chose, ''you get a trauma, and you get a trauma, and you get a trauma, everybody gets a trauma!''. Of course, it really tells you something about exactly how far I''ve grown as a person that my first response after realizing ''oh, shit, I did something shitty'' is ''but he did something worse!''


    Still. I''m doing what I can. I''ve only just realized I did something shitty, and there''s really no way I can go back and undo it. I mean, I don''t think. God, is time travel a thing?


    Not that I am aware of, Daughter. Although...


    Although what?


    I got the impression he heaved a sigh, not just the sound, but the whole shifted shoulders slump. Your, ah, non amnesiac self? I have a strong suspicion that she can step outside of Time itself. Which might allow her to move into the past. I''m uncertain.


    The fuck?


    As I said, I have a strong suspicion. I cannot be certain. Deities which can step outside of Time are few and far between. Domnu, and her alternate selves such as Nox. I''ve heard rumors some off the Eastern or Southern Deities can, but again, only rumors.


    Well. Shit. What gave you the impression I could do that?


    Most recently? I watched as you helped deliver Bonita Obol''s child. One moment, you watched through your High Priestess'' eyes, listened through their ears, as they heard the child''s bones crushed by his mother''s labors. The next, you stood with the child in your arms, healthy and hale.


    Maybe I just... moved really fast?


    I got the impression of a headshake to go with Dad''s next words in my brain. No one moves that fast, Daughter. Not without leaving the slightest gust of wind at their passage, nor the slightest trace of Mana at their Shapings or Divine Will. Not even Hermes.


    Well. Okay. If time travel is a thing, maybe I can go back and fix shit. Have to look into that at some point. Y''know, when I figure out how to do it. If I figure out how to do it. Or when Saffron figures out how to un-Bless my memories, at which point hopefully Future Me will remember to look into that. Fuck, she won''t, not with any certainty. Like, I remember a fuckin'' tiramisu going bad on my counter because I kept forgetting to eat that shit. Like, I wanted to save it for a special occasion, like to celebrate something. At first I got it to celebrate passing my finals. Then I failed a couple of them. Like, one of them I slept through because I was still half stoned from the night before. Another one I went to the wrong room and took the wrong fuckin'' final. Seriously, I''m six kinds of idiot, but I''m not actually dumb enough to fail a test I prepped and showed up sober for.


    I decided to save it for when I got my summer job that summer. Got turned down for all of them. By mid-July, I''d decided to have it next time I won a Call of Duty match. Fourth win streak later I wound up remembering and deciding that even though I''d just lost, a win streak counted, so I went and ate it. Worst case of food poisoning I''d ever had. Never let something with any amount of dairy sit out on the counter in summer heat and then eat it. I know that now. I mean, I should have known it then, kinda did after I retched swallowing the second bite, but I am, stop me if you''ve heard this one, a stubborn bitch.


    So last night when everybody got home, we ran everybody through the bath before dinner. None of my ladies were really all that dirty or sweaty, nor were the kids, but I reeked of pumpkin spice, and all the women had worked more or less from sunup to sundown, some of them doing really labor intensive stuff like felling trees and shit. I mean, some of the other stuff might be tough too, I dunno, but somehow my brain equates ''lumberjack'' to a sweatier job than ''weaver''. Probably some deep seated misogynist bullshit about logging being a ''manly'' job and weaving being ''women''s work'', but on the other hand the one weaver I watched at lunch wasn''t hauling logs bigger than she was around. Then again, she did work through lunch, where the loggers didn''t, so fuck it, maybe it''s just a question of endurance maybe.


    Fuck it, everybody does what they can, what they''re good at, everybody eats, everybody gets a bath. I was gonna say ''shenanigans reserved for partners'', but, y''know, Devorah. Fuck it, for all I know, once the Homestead is in place and the kids are all in bed, the whole fuckin'' House will turn into one big Revel. Which... y''know, so long as nobody feels obligated and everybody has fun? I can think of worse traditions.The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.


    So when Isnomi bounced over to me with her hair spraying water all over the place, I scooped her up into a towel, sat her on my lap, and used another towel to start drying her hair. "Mama! Mama! I hep Thitha Thawan!"


    "You did? Really?"


    "Yeth!"


    I glanced over at Siobhan, who''d taken up her station at the toilet, helping kids who couldn''t reach the little water spout for the cup to rinse themselves off. Definitely had to talk with... Okay, as Siobhan nodded to me, I thought to Saffron, anybody come up with this yet, and shot her an image of a bidet.


    That''s... wait, no, that''s clean water, yes?


    Yep. Only used one once at a hotel, but holy shit my whole undercarriage felt clean as fuck afterward.


    Well. Thank you for showing me this before we had the plumbing installed at the Homestead. Speaking of, have you ever installed plumbing?


    Yeah, no.


    Saffron sighed as she scrubbed Daya''s hair. I guess we''ll be learning to do plumbing then.


    Aren''t there, like, professionals who do that?


    She glanced over at me. There''s a relatively new guild. Why? Is it that difficult?


    To do? I don''t think so. To do right? Yeah, a friend of mine did their own plumbing once. Leaked forever. Let''s get professionals. After a second''s thought I added, Oh, and no lead in the clean water pipes. She gave me a quizzical look, and I thought, same stuff as the paint. Long term nasty poisons.


    She nodded. Thank you for the information. I suppose we''ll just have to push things forward yet again.


    I have complete faith in you, Kitten.


    That''s my line. She smirked at me over Daya''s head, and I smiled back, then turned back to Isnomi.


    "So, what did you do while you were helping?"


    "I cawwied thtuff, I tawked to paythents... Oh! I wearn a thape!"


    I blinked at that. "Did Mom or Siobhan teach you?" I looked up, and both of them were shaking their heads. Saffron with a kinda panic stricken look.


    "Nah. I washed dem!"


    I took a deep breath, then said, "Isnomi, Shaping can be dangerous."


    "I wearnded id!"


    I took her by the sides of the towel around her head, turned her to look her right in the eye and said, "I''m sure you watched carefully, and I''m sure you''ll try your best to do it, but if you get even the slightest little thing wrong, you could hurt yourself, or maybe someone else you care about." I waited half a tick for that to sink in, then said, "if you watched them do it, it''s a Healing shape, right?"


    "Yeth!"


    I nodded. "Okay, so if you''re gonna try and use it, it''s gonna be on someone you want to heal, like one of your sisters or your friends, right?"


    "Yeth!"


    "So if you mess it up and hurt them, how''s that going to make you feel?" Her wide, almost belligerent smile faded just a little. "And if you were gonna use it, they needed Healing already, so if you hurt them then, what''s that gonna do?" Right about then her smile cracked, and I saw the faint edges of a blubber about to come out. "Hey, hey, hey, Menace. I didn''t say you did anything bad. Yet. But you were gonna try it the first chance you got, weren''t you?" She nodded, pouting a little. "Tell you what. Once everybody is all clean and dry and we''ve had dinner, if you''re still feeling energetic enough you can show us. Once Mom and Sister Siobhan see what you''re trying to do and sign off on it, okay?"


    She brightened up a little. "Oh-tay!"


    "No trying it until then, right?"


    A little of the brightness dulled, and she rolled her eyes at me, but she still smiled when she said, "Oh-tay."


    The rest of the kids had similar stories, although when I asked, the only ones who''d followed the shaping were Ria and Maze. Ria said she thought she could do the Stabilize shape after watching Sister Siobhan, but volunteered to wait until Saffron and Sister Siobhan could observe her Shaping it ''safely''. Good kid. Maze didn''t think she could do it yet, but sounded like she wanted to try.


    Thankfully, when we brought them up from dinner, they all zonked right out. Long day, and they were still all little kids, even Maze and Ria.


    Dreamt of my... Kraken? Racing toward me from the east, like something had lit a fire behind them. Which makes no sense, really. They''re, y''know, aquatic. So, no fire. Of course, if somebody managed to light a fire underwater, that would motivate even my lazy ass.


    Midway through today, Siobhan pinged me. Tabitha?


    Just a second. I fit the railing and supports I''d been shifting around in place, hit them with a Mineral Bond, and stepped away from the edge of the drop down the Bore. Whatcha need?


    Your daughters are, one and all, somewhat put out that we didn''t let Isnomi test her Shaping last night.


    Hey Dad?


    Yes, Daughter?


    You and Mom mind if we bring the kids to visit tomorrow?


    Your visits are always welcome, Daughter.


    Mind if they do some Shaping practice while we''re there?


    I got the definite impression that if we''d been face to face, his would have frozen into something best described as a ''rictus''. I assume you''re including Isnomi in that ''they''?


    Ayep


    He sighed. Of course. I await your visit with bated breath.


    Thanks Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    With that I hopped over to Sister Siobhan, landing next to her with my arm around her. She fit under my arm really nice, and standing so close my little squad of miscreants already had their eyes on me. "You guys giving Sister Siobhan grief?"


    Menace glared up at me. "Wanna thape! You thaid!"


    Before I could reply, Ria, standing right behind her, said, "You did."


    I closed my mouth, gave them my best, ''et tu, Brute'' look, yes, I did read that in English class, and said, "I said if you were feeling up to it. Which you weren''t, even if Ria might have been." Menace frowned, then opened her mouth to make some other complaint. I cut her off, not unkindly, but with a tone to tell her to listen, and said, "and you''ll probably be tired after today, too. Which is why I arranged for all of us to visit Grandpa and Grandma tomorrow, and you can show him along with the rest of us on a day when none of us are tired from working all day." While they all stood there staring, I asked, "How''s that sound?"


    "Ah tay!"


    Knew I could get her with that. Rewarded myself for successful momming with some mouth to mouth Ice Pop. Then looked back at my short squad of mini-miscreants. "Now, no more bullying Sister Siobhan. She''s in charge here, which means you listen to her. Got it?"


    "Goddid!" The rest of my daughters nodded their agreement.


    I turned back to Siobhan. "You let me know if they''re..." I didn''t get to finish my sentence. Apparently somebody needed more mouth to mouth.


    Good place for it. Infirmary and all.

 Day Five Hundred And Six

    Dear Diary,


    "When you''re sharing your Passion,


    Don''t disrespect Agency,


    Share your Passion, don''t force it."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Passion


    Yeah, that''s about the best way I can describe it, given the limitations of the format. Still kinda wonder what''s up with that. But yeah, I can''t count the number of dudes back in my old world who I''d invite over for some good old fashioned Netflix and Chill, or Xbox and Bone, or PlayStation and Mutual Masturbation, only to have them start infodumping about some bullshit totally unrelated to whatever we were doing. Like, okay, if we''re playing Smash before we Smash, and dudebro decides to spout off about his encyclopedic knowledge of the lore behind the character he''s playing, that''s at least on topic. Fuck, if he does the same for the one I''m playing, and he''s right, that might even lubricate the love tunnel. Same for maybe going all gun fetishist while we''re playing Call of Duty before completing the Call of Booty. But I lost track of how many times they''d start going off about their waifu in the middle of a game of Overwatch. Like, dude, you''re not even talking about an Overwatch character, let alone Tracer, who is the objectively hottest person in the game.


    Fuck, I was bi leaning towards girls even back then, wasn''t I?


    Eh, my point stands. If you mention your Passion and your partner''s eyes light up? Dump away, but be ready to exchange volleys of info, because odds are they''ve got the same Passion. Or maybe you got lucky and it''s something they''ve always wanted to know, but never had anyone willing to tell them. Win! But if you start in and their eyes glaze over? Yeah, if you''re still lookin'' to glaze over their intimate bits later, you might wanna take a step back and give them the Cliff Notes version. I mean, maybe you''re reading them wrong. Maybe you''ll say, "Ellen Ripley kicks so much ass and that''s why she''s my favorite Strong Female Character" and she''ll blink and say, "really? Keep talking," while using her mouth for non-talking related activities. But don''t just dump all over somebody without Consent. Trust me, once they gotta hit ''skip'' on one piece of your dialogue, they''re not listening to the rest, no matter how much you love the topic and want them to love it too.


    So yesterday after arranging for a visit to the grandparents'' place, then enjoying a minute of necking with Siobhan, I got interrupted by the adorable bane of my existence. Isnomi pushed in between us. "The Thithta ith wowking!"


    Siobhan chuckled, risked her hand by ruffling Menace''s hair, and said, "yes, I am at work, but keeping your Mama''s spirits up is part of my job."


    "Oh, so I''m your job now, am I?"


    Siobhan laughed at that. "You always have been." While I reeled a little internally from that, she followed it up with, "and I do so love my work." Then she kissed me, then led the kids away to help her with a pair of incoming cadets who looked incredibly bloody, but surprisingly functional for all that. Head wounds. They bleed a lot, even when they''re entirely superficial.


    I had no idea what to make of that, so I stepped over to Saffron, who sat holding the hand of a Cadet while Marie pulled their leg straight. The moment the kid stopped kicking, she pressed her palm to the bloody spot on his leg, and Mana flowed into him from her. I couldn''t see it, but somehow felt it anyway. I realized why when she smiled up at me. "Thank you, love."


    I leaned down and kissed her. "Any time, Kitten. Just stopping by to rein the kids in a little." I bunted her head with mine while the Cadet she''d just healed pretended to be a piece of furniture. Badly. But fuck it, points for effort. "You good to visit Mom and Dad tomorrow? I promised the kids some time to show off."


    She frowned, opened her mouth, but then shook her head. "I had plans for tomorrow, but nothing I can''t reschedule."


    "Anything I should know about? Or anything I can help with?"


    She tilted her head, considering, then shook it gently while sighing. "You already help more than you realize, love."


    Curiosity tugged at me. "You sure you can''t tell me? I mean, I get where you''ve been kinda keeping me on the dark about some stuff. Opsec is a thing, not to mention other shit. But, c''mon. Who am I gonna tell?"


    She sighed, then looked up at me. "If you simply must know?" I nodded. "I''ve been working on a present for you for Yule."


    My jaw kinda dropped. "Really?" She nodded, smiling. "Okay. No more questions. Oh, shit. One more question, then no more questions about that."


    I paused, and she said, "go on?"


    "What do you want for Yule?"


    She reached up and pulled me down for a kiss. Surprise me.


    Yeah, great kiss, awesome kisser, didn''t even think about the poor dude having to sit there and pretend to be part of the scenery until we finished. Then I ran like hell, because what the hell am I supposed to get Saffron that''s gonna surprise her? Shit, in some ways I barely know her. Like, she and I have spent most of our time together either working, fucking, or playing with the kids. With Menace clearly being stupid young, maybe we had time to talk while she was still in football mode, but lately there just hadn''t been any time for things like that.


    I ran, but I didn''t run home. I mean, beside the basic confusion about that right now, between our borrowed place in Lancaster House, our unfinished place at the Homestead, and our nearly abandoned place at the Academy. But I guess, in a way? I did run home.


    I threw my arms around a surprised Sigyn. "Mom!"


    A very scantily clad Sigyn, with a pair of thigh high boots that gave her an entirely un-grandmotherly silhouette. Badonkadonk to end all badonkadonks aside, Mom wrapped me in her arms and murmured. "Daughter. Tabitha. What''s wrong?"


    I muttered. "Does there have to be something wrong for me to want to visit my mom?"


    She laughed, and holy fuck I did not need to hear that deep throaty chuckle coming out of my mom. "Well, no, but normally you''d contact your father first, that we might not be, ah, engaged in anything distracting."


    "Oh, shit! No, I''ll..."


    "You absolutely will not go, Tabitha." She one handed a table around, then slid chairs up to it as Loki flopped back to his bed, sighing. "Now, what''s wrong?"


    It took me a second to force the words out. "It''s... it''s Saffron. Or, not her. It''s me. I love her. Holy fuck do I love her so much it hurts sometimes just thinking about it without stepping to her and scooping her up and wrapping myself around her and swallowing her whole and holy fucksticks where did that shit come from?"


    Sigyn waited for me to splutter myself still, chuckling the whole time. "It took you time, and effort, and help to come to any kind of terms with your darker nature. Mimic''s nature. I suppose the bad news is that you might need to do so once more, or at least make up some lost ground. On the other hand, one of your strongest points of commonality?" She waited until I nodded, then said, "it is absolutely clear to anyone who knows you that both you and your other self adore your wife, Saffron Aetos-Diaz."


    I balked a little at that. "If I''m so into her, why am I trying so hard to make things so perfect marrying Marie?"


    She tilted her head. "You know, but do you want me to tell you?"


    I scrunched up my nose. "Kinda?"


    "Which of your children do you love most?"


    I pulled back. "What kind of a question is... oh."


    "Yes. Now you see?"This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    I shook my head. "I... I don''t really? Maybe? But I think I get the point, sorta. But it''s gonna take some getting used to." I shook my head again, this time to clear it. "But I love Saffron, but I don''t... I don''t know her, and Yule is coming up and she''s been working on a present for me, and I need to get her one. Shit, I need to get Marie and Siobhan one too, and the kids, and how I feel bad because I don''t know them as well as I''d like either, and because I totally freaked out when I couldn''t figure out a present for Saffron, but I''m not freaking out about Marie or Siobhan or the kids, does that make me a bad partner, or a bad mom, or..."


    Mom silenced me by leaning over and pulling me into a hug. Woman''s got some serious padding on her, when she hugged, it muffled the shit out of me. Funny, I''m pretty sure she''s just a little bigger than Saffron, but Saffron''s like a foot and a half shorter. What''s ''nicely padded'' on Mom is ''holy fuckballs I''m in lust'' on my Kitten. "Tabitha?"


    She let me go just far enough for me to say, "yeah, Mom?"


    "We''re here to help you, Daughter. Now, are you busy today?"


    "No?"


    "Good. Help me with your father''s bindings. So you know, you''ve spoken to us at length about them before."


    "Which ones?"


    "Other than the newest one, Ria? All of them." She smiled at me as we worked the stalagmite free so Loki could sit up. "Most especially and extensively, your wife Saffron."


    So I spent the rest of the day talking with them. Hell, I Co-Located home when the sun went down, and still kept talking with them most of the night. About Saffron. About the kids. About Saffron. About Marie, and about Siobhan, and oh, so much about my tiny tyrant I adored with every fiber of my being, Saffron. It''s weird, so much of what they told me, reminded me of, felt... felt like that. Like they were reminding me of stuff I already knew. Stuff I could never really forget, even if I forgot it.


    Meanwhile back at the bath room, I stared in horror at the kids. "Uh, guys, I hate to ask this, but do you see a problem with this picture?"


    All of them stared at me, my ladies and the kids all equally confused. Also, equally covered liberally up to the elbows in blood. Okay, not covered, but it sure as fuck seemed like it. "Yes, we''re all dirty. That''s why we''re about to take a bath."


    "No, I... Okay. Let''s get started." Bed room conference, now.


    As Saffron washed and I toweled dry, I looked at the others in the Bed room and said, "look, guys, have I ever mentioned germ theory before?"


    Saffron nodded. "I''m sure you said something of the sort when we were dealing with the Plague. But no one here is ill?"


    I rubbed at my forehead, trying to cudgel my brain to remember shit from High School. "Okay, look, disease is caused by microorganisms. Germs." They nodded. Okay, Siobhan and Saffron nodded. Marie had started cleaning herself. Cat style. "Right. So germs are fuckin'' everywhere, but normally it doesn''t matter."


    "Why not?"


    "Because most of them can''t make you sick unless they get inside you. Some can infect you if you breathe them in, some if you eat food with them in it, but the really, really awful ones? Need to get under your skin. But even then, once your body gets a handle on them, it can fight them back. Like, yeah, they''re there, but it doesn''t matter, because your immune system kills them off faster than they can reproduce."


    Siobhan giggled. "You make the ''immune system'' sound like a tiny host of Heroes living inside of us."


    I shrugged. "Not entirely wrong. But my point, and I have one... Shit... I had a point." I shook my head to clear it. "Okay, so since I got here you''ve been taking a lot more baths, right?"


    "Yes?"


    "Since then, other than the plague, have you gotten sick as much?"


    "Well, no. But in part that''s because we''re both High Priestesses. Still, that''s why I''m pushing to have cisterns and sewers and plumbing made universal in all the Alliance." Trust my Kitten to be two steps ahead of me.


    "Okay, yeah, that''s awesome. Definitely needs to happen. But here''s the thing. Most of those germs, the ones that are inside us? Wind up chilling in the blood stream. And each of us have different ones." They both looked at me curiously. "So when you get blood on you fixing one person, then go treat someone else?"


    Siobhan paled. "Any ''germs'' in the first person get transferred to the second?" I nodded, and waved my hand in a ''go on'' gesture. "Who has no defenses against them?"


    "Exactly! Well, they might. If it''s something really common. But the Academy has Cadets from all over the place now. Don''t tell me you didn''t notice an uptick in, like, head colds and shit when the new Cadets came in."


    "Yes, but that happens with every new batch... of... oh."


    Saffron took her hand, smiling ruefully. "We didn''t know. And Tabitha, like with so many things, didn''t know we didn''t know something she took for granted that everyone knows." She turned to me. "So, what, we make sure Infirmary staff wash themselves after each patient? Cure all incoming Cadets as a preventative measure?"


    I thought about that for a second, then shook my head. "I mean, yeah, on the washing thing. Or, like, if you could come up with lots of sets of gloves or something. But yeah. But the new Cadets? Honestly? if the whole place isn''t so sick that it shuts down, its honestly probably for the best." They all looked at me oddly. "Okay, so if a kind of germ makes you sick, and you get better, you''re immune to it from then on, right?"


    Saffron nodded. "Unless it... mutates?"


    I sat there with my mouth hanging open until I realized that, from what I''d been told, we''d actually stopped a fuckin'' Plague together. "Yeah. Unless it mutates. But that doesn''t happen real fast, and even then most of the time you won''t get as sick when you catch the mutated virus. Like, if you''re used to fighting, um... one kind of bear, and you find another kind of bear, you''re not gonna be in perfect shape, but you''re better than if you run into a mountain lion, right?"


    "So, you''re saying we deliberately let the Cadets get sick to let them build up immunity to as many things as we can?"


    I shrugged. "It''s shitty. I''d rather say eradicate communicable diseases entirely. Hell, maybe Curing them on the way in is the right thing to do. I don''t fuckin'' know. I''m not exactly a Doctor. Just a kid from a shitty town with sub par schools. But I know that the bit about germs and immunity is factual, as far as it goes."


    Saffron sighed and waved me over. When I got there, she pulled us all into a hug. "We can only do what we can with what we know. I''ll speak with the Doctors at the..."


    "No." Three of us kinda blinked in unison at Siobhan''s tone. "No, Mistress. You have enough to do. I can do this. I will speak with Doctors Glass and Zeccardi when I see them next, and we will take the knowledge to the Disease specialists at the Universities."


    Saffron, smiling, asked, "and what if they won''t hear you? Or accept what you say?"


    I got some chills and butterflies in my nethers when Siobhan smiled and said, "then, perhaps, I will remind them whose Concubine I am."


    Might have gotten a little distracted from my toweling duties. Worth.


    Dreamt of making an absolute glutton of myself on all my lovely ladies'' foodstuff selves. Kraken kept getting closer, moving at a pretty fuckin'' good clip, or so it seemed from flashes, images of bodies carving through the water. No clue how far out they''d started, but those flashes showed nothing but open ocean.


    Told Saffron about that in the morning as we got the kids ready for the visit to Loki and Sigyn''s place. She nodded and quietly said, "our ships sent out to scout have seen nothing as of yet, but we''ll let them know to watch for Kraken moving at speed."


    I nodded, then stopped. "How are you communicating with them? Are you, like, on all of them? Or Marie? or Karen?"


    She smiled at me and laughed just a little. "No, love. Despite there being a wide variety of Clergy now beholden to the Alliance, nothing of the sort. If nothing else, I can count the number I trust with sensitive information on the fingers of one hand. No, something you showed me at the Battle of the Bay, love." When I tilted my head in question, she thought, there is a Senior Cadet trained in Scrying aboard each scout ship, and each of them Scries on the Alliance''s Scrying Chamber every day, at which point one of the Senior Cadets there Scries in return.


    Holy shit. Instant communication.


    She smiled up at me and nodded. Far from instant, given it takes at least a few minutes to set up the connection. But functionally unbound by distance or weather. Because of you.


    Y''know, that kinda made me feel some kinda way. Like my contributions to the world here weren''t just ''killed of a bunch of assholes'' and ''helped build a house''. And all of a sudden, both of those things seemed like they might have been enough, even though they didn''t have to be any more.


    Funniest part of the day had to be the first spell of the day at Mom and Dad''s though. First Siobhan, then Saffron, read the kids a very gentle riot act about only practicing with an adult to supervise, and not pushing themselves, because it could stunt their growth, and above all not playing around with trying to change the Shapes they were shown, because apparently that''s like mixing random chemicals in a chem lab; best case you do nothing, most likely you make a mess and ruin shit, worst case your replacement needs a new lab.


    Then, with everyone safely behind Mana Wards except Menace and I, ensconced in a Mana Ward of our own, She held her hands out in front of her. Enunciation had been stressed, so she''d swallowed the Hell of Teeth before she started. "You ready, Mama?"


    "Ready when you are, Menace."


    She nodded, held out both hands, and slowly wove them through a series of poses that faintly reminded me of something. Here, love. Saffron''s viewpoint overlay my own, and I saw fine little glowing traces tying her fingers together.


    Holy shit. A cat''s cradle.


    it does resemble that, doesn''t it?


    Then our little would be wizard stretched the traces and planted her thumbs in the spot in the middle. "Ready, Mama?"


    "Just like we said, just a little." I didn''t need Saffron''s vision to see the spark flaring to life in front of her thumbs. A few seconds later, I cleared my throat. "I think that''s enough, Menace." I straightened my leg and slapped my calf. "Here you go. Pretend I''m all injured and dying and you need to keep me from bleeding out, just like you saw Sister Siobhan do in the Infirmary."


    She nodded, leaned forward, and pushed.


    "FUCK!" I hadn''t meant to yell, but my whole leg, especially my calf, had cramped up painfully, the mother of all muscle cramps. A moment later it passed, leaving me gasping and kinda embarrassed. Isnomi, on the other hand, had fallen over backward laughing. "Oh, you think it''s funny that I hurt?"


    She mostly sobered up at that. "No, Mama."


    "Then why were you laughing?"


    That set her off again, so much she barely managed to wheeze out. "Mama''s grounded!"

 Day Five Hundred And Seven

    Dear Diary,


    "When you follow your Passion,


    Remember who''s left behind,


    Lest Passion''s price be too high."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Passion


    Definitely seen that happen a bunch of fuckin'' times. Like, I get it, I do, when you find that hyperfixation, you gotta chase that Dopamine until it dries up, because nobody fuckin'' knows when the next dose is gonna come along. When you find that person, place, or thing that makes the Serotonin flow, you weld your ass to that shit, because if Dopamine is Gold, Serotonin is Platinum. You get that Passion going, the urge to chase it can be strong, so strong you give up everything else for the chase.


    Sometimes, maybe, if you didn''t start out with a lot, and your Passion is the kind of thing that can pull you through life, like music, or art, or, I dunno, service to others, that''s worth it. Like, if your dad left for cigs when you were a kid, and your mom''s an addict, and you realize that you can sell anything to anybody, and closing that fuckin'' deal is what you live for? Fuck it, get a job at the used car lot, sell a car when everybody else is busy, get yourself a suit, and just sell every goddamn thing anybody will let you hawk until you get rich or die trying. Seriously, only sheer random chance kept that guy''s kid out of my uterus, and he didn''t even ring my bell reliably. Just... loved sealing the deal, any deal, and sometimes I wound up the deal, y''know?


    But not everybody''s like that. Some of us have important jobs to do, or kids, which is an entirely different kind of important job to do. Yeah, sometimes you get lucky, like me, and find your Passion in your partner. Or, y''know partners, because I''m pretty fuckin'' Passionate about all of them, and no I''m not exclusively talking in a sexy way. Like, yes, that too, but I could spend days, even weeks, just watching them. Working. Playing. Sleeping. Talking. Shit, now I sound creepy. Fuck. But I don''t want to hurt them or own them, and holy shit they''ve all pretty much acted like they''d put on the collar and the leash and let me walk them around town like that, even Saffron who is absolutely the one who ought to be holding that fuckin'' leash.


    Yeah. Passion can make you stupid. Gotta put a verse in about that, too.


    So yesterday after I recovered from Baby''s First Stabilize, Primordial Terror edition, my ladies stepped the rest of the kids through trying it. Daya and David both wound up moving their hands around and doing fuck all other than that. Like, Saffron showed me that they kinda sorta had a bit of Mana flowing, but nothing that produced any Shapes. But we patted them on the head and praised them for getting the hand motions almost right, because they had. Lindsey nailed the hand motions, but had less Mana flow than either of her little sibs.


    Alex... Alex fucked up in the most spectacular way possible that didn''t end in tragedy, I think. She''s got Mana, and enough that Saffron thinks she''s got what it takes to be a decent Mage if she applies herself, but holy fuck was her Shaping sloppy. Sloppy to the point that Saffron slapped a petite Mana Ward around her hands just before it went completely sideways, and Siobhan and I slammed the biggest Heal Injury we could into her before she stopped yelling. Not even gonna describe what her hands looked like, but other than a big scare, she walked away unscathed.


    Maze managed an actual Stabilize. A little one. Not sure it would actually, y''know, keep someone from dying. But it might. Of course, she wound up sweating and damn near passing out, and Saffron forbade her from trying again until she''d had a full night''s sleep, but she did it. The real weird thing came from Ria. She didn''t even take her turn, and I don''t think anybody but me really noticed she hadn''t. Instead, when Maze wandered over to the collection of chairs to find a seat, Ria followed her over. I kinda ghosted along just close enough to hear the conversation, maybe a little worried about their whole ''Kelpie vs. Sidhe'' thing from before.


    "You did very well."


    Maze gave her a bit of a look. Not actually offended, but on the edge of it. "I barely got it off, and it took everything I had. The Shape. I had nothing left for the, y''know, Stabilizing part."


    Ria shrugged. "That will come with time, with practice. You created a Shape. That is the difficult part, the part most Mortals cannot do."


    "Oh. So you can?"


    Ria blinked, looking honestly confused. "Certainly."


    "Really? Show me."


    Before I could even think to intervene, Ria twisted her hands through the Shape for a Mana Ward, then, as every adult head in the room snapped over to her, did the same with a very tiny Stabilize. "See?"


    "Is that real?" I leapt forward as Maze reached one finger out to poke it. Not quick enough, not when I was trying to hold back so I didn''t hurt her worse than a botched Stabilize could. Something like a spark jumped to her finger the moment she touched it, and her legs went out from under her. She landed on her butt, blinking. "Ow?"


    Ria knelt as her Mana Ward dissipated. "I''m sorry! I''m so sorry... sister? I didn''t mean to hurt you!"


    Maze shook her head. "No. No, it didn''t hurt? Not really? Honestly I feel better than I did, just a little, but it was kind of surprising." Ria reached out a hand as she stood, and she helped Maze to her feet.


    I looked around and realized that the rest of the family had seen me on the case and turned back to their own charges. Saffron very carefully moving Alex''s hands through the proper motions, Sister Siobhan doing something involving breathing with Lindsey, Daya sitting quietly in Loki''s lap while David chatted quietly with Sigyn. Okay, Daya was also staring at Menace, who''d ridden the fuckin'' snake up onto the ceiling, where she giggled and made faces at Marie, who stood just out of reach beneath her. I mean, yeah, if Marie wanted to she could have hopped up and grabbed her, and I''m pretty sure Isnomi knew that too, but it wasn''t part of the game.


    At that point Maze made a frustrated noise and said, "but that''s kind of my point. You just... did that. You''re not even sweating. And you made that other Shape. How am I supposed to compete with that?"


    Ria frowned. "You''re not?" When Maze frowned in return, she said, "we shouldn''t be competing." I relaxed just a little until she opened her mouth and tried to fellate her own ankle by saying, "It would be totally unfair."


    I stepped up behind Maze, but didn''t intervene quite yet. Her shoulders hunched a little, and she growled out, "excuse me? Not fair? Why, because you''re a high and mighty Sidhe and I''m just a pitiful little common half-Kelpie?"


    Ria shook her head, clearly confused. "No. Well, actually..."


    I stepped forward and put an arm around each of them. "Ria?"


    "Yes, Tabitha?"


    "I think, just for a moment, you need to be silent." I mean, I wanted to say ''shut the fuck up'', but... Mom mode.


    "Yes, Tabitha."


    "Maze?"


    "Yes, papa?" she smirked at me.


    I smiled in return, but tried to put a strong element of ''don''t pull any shit'' into it. "I get that your sister isn''t very good at explaining herself, and she definitely phrased that badly, but... I think it''s because of exactly the point she was tryna make. Can you promise me to listen to her, hear her out, and not punch her in the face until after she''s done her explanation?"


    "Yes, papa." I swear to fuck she actually sounded disappointed, like she''d half wanted to rumble.The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    "Okay. Ria, now, take a minute if you have to to gather your thoughts, but explain why you don''t think it''s fair for you and Maze to compete in Mana Shaping."


    The little redhead nodded, paused, then looked low key horrified. "I''m sorry! I''m so sorry, Maze. I just realized, I assumed something based on... well, based on things I assumed. May I ask you questions?" Maze nodded, giving Ria all the side eye. "How long have you been studying Mana Shaping?"


    "You mean like, actually being taught?" Ria nodded. "Uh, two days, same as all of us."


    Ria shook her head. "No, sister. Not ''the same''. I have studied Mana Shaping since the first year I learned to walk and speak. So while we both have had two days of group instruction in a small number of Shapes under a professional Healer and an Archmage, I have had over six years of individual Mana Shaping instruction under the greatest Mage in Rich Man''s Port. To expect you to have anything approaching my proficiency is ludicrous."


    Maze kinda sagged. "Six years?" Ria nodded. "Well. Sh... Sugar, that is kinda a big head start."


    At that point I nudged them both and said, "hey Maze, you spent a lot of time growing up in mercenary camps?"


    She shot me a look. "Mostly in garrisons, not camps."


    "Fair amount of time spent talking to people? Some of them kids, some adults?" She shrugged. "I get that you''re not a social butterfly or anything, but you know how to talk to people. How to talk to people who might not want to listen to you. Right?" She shrugged again, but nodded. Then I turned to Ria. "Who have you had more than one conversation with?"


    "Mother. Adrienne. Cailyn. You. Maze. Saffron. Isnomi." She tried to hide the face she made and failed miserably. "Alex." She paused. "Do the past two days study with Sister Siobhan count?"


    "Nobody else?" She shook her head, and I turned to Maze, "so you see maybe how while she''s got some advantages on you in Mana Shaping, she''s got her own struggles with things like, y''know, basic conversation with her friends?"


    Ria just proved my point by saying, "but... She''s not my friend. She''s my... Sister?"


    Maze shook her head, letting out a bark of a laugh, then reached forward. Ria winced, but didn''t duck, and seemed a little surprised when Maze''s arm went over her shoulder. "Yeah." She hugged her from the side. "You do realize we can be both, right?"


    "Really? I... I haven''t really had any friends before. I didn''t know."


    Maze laughed again, this time way less stifled. "I can tell. C''mon, you help me out with getting this Shape, and I''ll try to give you some tips on talking to people without making them want to punch you."


    "I... I would like that, but didn''t Archmage Aetos-Di... Saffron forbid you from Shaping again today?"


    "I''m not gonna Shape. Just gonna move my hands around, you can show me if I''m doing something less right than it could be. Maybe give me some tips on moving my Mana around. Baby steps. Just like you and talking to people."


    Ria blinked, then her mouth dropped open, obviously aghast. "Am I really that bad at it? Talking to people?"


    Maze looked almost pissed for a second, then stopped and laughed out loud. "Okay, okay, I''m gonna say ''yes'', because you obviously don''t realize how you just totally told me how bad you think I am at Mana Shaping."


    I kinda ghosted back away as the two girls sat and chatted, because they were definitely of an age where they didn''t need constant oversight. Fuck, it might even hamper their development or some shit. Sure as fuck Ria had ''observed'' her Mother talking plenty and that hadn''t helped. So I put my trust in my little Pony Girl and drifted back to stand next to Loki.


    "Well done, Daughter."


    "Thanks, Dad. You okay, Daya?" She nodded solemnly, saying nothing.


    "Little Diamond is fine, she''s just aware that not all silences need be filled. Something I''ve oft forgotten myself, truth be told."


    I opened my mouth, then realized what he''d just said. After a quick snort of laughter at myself, I leaned back against him and just watched as the rest of the family did their thing. Time flowed oddly in Loki''s cave, but that really seemed to matter less than it usually did as our kids played with their moms, their grandparents, and each other. By the time I felt the sun nearing the horizon, they were all more than a little droopy, although Alex had gotten a little of her brash confidence back after her session with Saffron. Not all of it, which might have been for the best. Before we started gathering up for good byes, I realized something and waved Ria over.


    She approached cautiously, her hands moving weirdly. I didn''t realize until just before she reached us that she''d been trying and failing to keep herself from reaching for the stick she wasn''t carrying today. "Tabitha."


    "You can call me ''mama'' or something like that if you want, you know."


    "I know." She stood there, very carefully not staring at Loki or Sigyn, who was maybe an arm length away from her to the side. Okay, a Sigyn arm length. Maybe a Ria body length. Sigyn''s a bit on the tall side. Then again, if she wasn''t, she''d be risking serious internal injuries engaging in adult activities with my Jotnar Daddy, so I can''t say it''s a bad or unexpected thing.


    "I just realized I''ve never really introduced you to my Dad."


    "I know who he is." Then with a sideways nod. "And who she is."


    "Oh really?"


    She nodded, her eyes as solemn as ever. "He is my Greatmother''s Mentor''s Father. Loki, the Backbiter. Son of Laufey and Ymir, Elder God of Trickery, Fire, Hearth, and Home."


    At that point I got an armload of David as Sigyn swept in from the side and scooped a very surprised Ria up. "And who am I then?"


    "You are Sigyn, Goddess of Victory and Marital Devotion, wife to Loki."


    Sigyn shot Loki a very amused look and said, "I suppose, what with my Domain of Marital Devotion, my husband might matter as part of my identity."


    Loki reached out and lay one palm on Sigyn''s cheek. "Not nearly as much as you matter to my heart, my love."


    Sigyn''s eyes closed briefly, then snapped open again. "You, my husband, are an incorrigible charmer. But you are charming, so you get a pass." Then she turned back to the wide-eyed girl in her arms. "Do you know who else we are?" Ria shook her head. "Your Grandmother and Grandfather."


    Ria''s head tilted. "Foster?"


    Sigyn lowered her head down until she could whisper to Ria, "do you think that matters one whit to either of us? Or to Tabitha? Or to any of the rest of your family?"


    Slowly, tentatively, like she thought any errant movement might wind up with a bigger explosion than Alex''s Shaping screw up, Ria first shook her head, then leaned into Sigyn, putting her arms around her. Okay, stretching her arms across Sigyn''s front. Ria couldn''t really put her arms ''around'' Sigyn any more than I could Loki. As noted, big woman. When Ria''s face pressed against her, Sigyn hopped into Loki''s lap opposite Daya.


    I laughed and perched myself on Loki''s knee, making sure to leave Daya most of his thigh. "There you go, Dad. Proof positive you have the best Grandpa feature ever."


    Loki narrowed one eye as he looked down at me, one hand around Sigyn, the other providing a backrest for Daya. "And what is that?"


    "The biggest and bestest of laps, of course!"


    He chuckled, and we sat there for the next little bit while everybody else wrapped up. We didn''t have to peel Ria away from Sigyn and Loki, but it seemed like a bit of a near thing. After giving each of them a hug, she practically leapt from Sigyn''s arms to mine, only to glomp onto me almost as hard as she had Sigyn.


    Managed to peel her off for bath time with minimal fuss. Noticed that she got her own bread at dinner, and also noticed that she shared a little of it with Maze. Not sure how I felt about that, but marked it down as something to ask Saffron about when we had time. Which we did not before bed, because after a full day everybody was ready to snuggle in and get warm and cozy and sleep.


    Dreamt of my ladies slow dancing across the maw, soup and sauce and syrup and schnapps all dripping down. Should have tasted maybe a little awful. Tasted absolutely Divine.


    I kinda slacked off today. Like, a couple of our women had picked up the Mineral Bond shape. Okay, they might have known it already, or whatever, but they didn''t need me to do the last bits of railing. Speaking of, kinda getting an itch for that, and we''ve now got the world''s most awesome balcony to get bent over at the top of our tower. I know, because that''s where I spent the day, just sitting and enjoying the view.


    Okay, enjoying the views, because I absolutely spent most of the day looking through the eyes of my ladies, one after the other. Siobhan Healing and managing her Infirmary. Marie watching the kids, straightening up our rooms, managing the staff both at the Academy and Lancaster House, not to mention standing guard over Saffron both at our Academy office and the Grand Council Chambers. Well, not ''standing'' in the Academy suite, but definitely far more alert than her apparent focus on her sewing showed. I even looked in on Karen, both where she stood over Tallulah''s shoulder and as she oversaw the furniture and decoration placement in the temple. Hell, at one point she even hopped around a couple other Alliance Cities, I think; I recognized Calverton from its ''recently rubble'' theme. Weirdest thing, one I really was not sure how to feel about, was that the buildings she visited, where the staff treated her as a Visiting Dignitary from the Home Office? I couldn''t tell if they were supposed to be brothels, orphanages, or some really sus combination of both.


    And, of course, because yes at least half of my day was spent in her head, Saffron. Saffron guiding the Grand Council with a word here, a look there, an answer to a question that redirected everyone else. I think she''d brought her chair up from Rich Man''s Port. No idea why, it did not look comfy at all. Saffron meeting with the Plumbers Guild, going over the plans for the buildings at the Homestead, arranging for the delivery of pipes and Plumbers. Saffron looking at coding windows and images of me with my Soul spread out to show the tiny ribbon threaded through me, the Blessing that kept me from remembering everything that might tell me why I felt the way I did about her. Not that any of that mattered. Not really. Yeah, I wanted to know. Yeah, it hurt not to remember. But it didn''t take away from that feeling of warmth, of belonging in her arms, in her head, in her heart, in Saffron.


    Always Saffron.

 Day Five Hundred And Eight

    Dear Diary,


    "Passion can make you stupid,


    That''s not always a bad thing,


    Courage is refined stupid."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Passion


    Don''t look at me like that, one my ROTC teachers said that. Fuck, I''m pretty sure I''ve heard duBois mutter it at some point. To clarify, which I''m sure I''ll have to do at some point for anybody who''s never really talked with the more intellectual yet pragmatic type of soldier, everybody worth listening to knows that courage isn''t the absence of fear, its being afraid and doing what you need to do anyhow. One of the ways to do that is for a person to convince themselves that something isn''t as dangerous as their gut tells them it is. Thing is, there is in fact dangerous shit out in the world. Any world, really. Bears. Junkies. Wyverns. Drunk Drivers. Dragons. Cops who ''fear for their lives'' when they see Brown skin. Shit be dangerous, yo. Soldiers especially gotta deal with that shit. Bullets and IEDs will kill a body even if they do everything right. So there''s legit reason for fear. But if they tell themselves ''I''ll finish my mission before they get me'', or ''if I do this my buddy lives'', or even ''they haven''t made the bullet with my name on it yet'', they can stand up and make that dash through enemy fire. Or maybe not, but they won''t die crouched and cowering.


    None of that shit is, objectively, true or probable. The folks telling themselves that know it. But for a brief shining window of Glory, they can overcome their fear by beating it over the head with the stupid each of us carries around inside of us as part of the human condition. Human-adjacent condition. You know what I mean. So, Courage is just weaponized stupid. But ''weaponized'' doesn''t fit the fuckin'' meter Future Me came up with. Really want to know what she was thinking. Wonder if maybe I can figure it out before... well, while I''m still here. Might be nice to know why I''m putting in the extra effort.


    Eh. Fuck it. I trust her. She''s the better me, right?


    But yeah, folks ought to know that Passion can make you do some real dumbass shit, but that sometimes? That shit will totally work out. I mean, to hear some of the folks around me tell it, I personally took on two entire armies. That''s some crazy dumb shit, but it worked. They tell me I also Revived like, an entire drydock full of Undead babies. Which was especially stupid, what with Reviving Undead being ''impossible'' and any contact with Undead being physically excruciating for Deities. But I''ve discovered that I''m surprisingly passionate about kids. Like, the one time Me, Future Me, and I guess the Mimic part of me all ganged up to say ''Blessing, take a seat'', was when Bonnie''s kid was in danger. I mean, it didn''t last once her kid was out of danger, but...


    Y''know? I can accept that. If ''Tabitha at one percent power'' is me, and ''Tabitha at one hundred percent power'' is me when a kid''s in danger? I can live with that truth. Fuck, I can even be proud of a personal truth like that. Because it means that what really matters deep down to me is something that the superficial parts of me that worry about shit like Good and Evil and Right and Wrong, making the future a better place, and being a better person can agree with one hundred percent. I can feel like even if I am a dumpster fire of a human being, I''ve got integrity, and maybe it''s a dumpster fire that some folks who would otherwise freeze to death can warm themselves by.


    As I sat there on the top floor of the tower, which now had a decent floor and everything, although for some reason it had a hole in the middle of it, I watched the setting sun dip below the horizon. A moment later a warm weight snuggled into my side. "Obol for your thoughts?"


    I wrapped my arm around my Kitten and pulled her into me. "How serious were you about, uh, Lachlan? And... the guy who kinda tags around with him?"


    "Linus Carruthers?" She smiled up at me. "Exactly as serious as you''d like me to be. Unless you''re asking me whether I''m urgently in need of their attention, in which case I''d say not very. Perhaps in a month or so if I can''t convince the one I''ve got my eye on right now."


    I blinked at that. I mean, just a moment''s thought told me I was completely okay with the thought of her having some fun with either of the boys. Or both. Shit, both would be even hotter, and I had no idea why. "Uh, anybody I know?"


    She smiled up at me, amused. "Oh, you know them fairly well."


    "Ah, shit. It''s not Larry, is it? That would just be weird."


    She smiled and shook her head, burrowing into me. "No, not Larry, love. Someone I''m much closer to at the moment."


    I scrunched up my nose in thought. "Uh, somebody on the Council?"


    She laughed and shook her head. "No. Goof."


    "Uh... Dionysus?"


    She pursed her lips in thought at that. "I''d not considered him. Our only liaison with him was mostly you, with Marie adding finishing touches, but..." She snerked. "I''m honestly not sure he''d fit, and now..."


    I rolled my eyes. "Now you absolutely want to find out."


    "I was thinking more ''make it do so'', but yes. I do love a challenge. You know me so well."


    I sighed. "Yeah, so you wanna invite him over or something?"


    She shook her head. "I suppose he''s another alternative. Like the boys. Oh, perhaps along with them! Wouldn''t that be a treat to watch!"


    I kinda choked on my spit. "Shit, Kitten, my brain is now filled with images of you pulling a three horse hitch with dudes whose legs are bigger than your whole you."


    She smiled, pulled me down into a surprisingly sweet kiss, then whispered, "I was talking about you, love."


    Okay, that got a full on spit take, impressive for me not drinking anything. "Oh. Oh, wow. Oh, fuck, that''s... that''s a lot."


    "It most certainly is, but you seemed quite capable last time we invited the boys over." She shook her head a little. "I did not expect you to, ah, convince them to share a room."


    "Oh, those two totally seem like the kind of bros who would Eiffel Tower a chick. Shit, I don''t think I''d be upset about that. Honestly, probably feel like it''s some kinda compliment."


    She shook her head, whispered, "so my Goof." Then looked up and said, "Please tell me what that is, and why?"


    "Oh, it''s where a couple dudes are spit roasting a chick... or I guess another guy? And they high five one another over her. So it''s kind of a mutual ''congratulations, bro, you''re nailing a hottie'', ''you too, bro'', which means the person in getting spit roasted is in fact a hottie. So, y''know, compliment?" She raised an eyebrow, and I realized and explained, "one in the mouth and one elsewhere."


    "Elsewhere?" I nodded. "You''ve no preference then?"


    I shrugged. "Surprisingly few dudes back home were into that. I think they thought it made them gay or something. And now you''re laughing because?"


    "You''d developed quite an aversion to anything involving your butt, love. Something about being shot directly there." She paused, and when I opened my mouth, "on multiple occasions." I winced a little. "One time the extraction produced wire."


    I laughed. "Holy shit, my ass is legitimately tight enough to draw wire?"This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    She nodded, laughing as well. "Yes, love. Although you did complain that it left some cuts." I kinda reached around to feel, not thinking about the whole ''wearing pants'' thing, and she laughed again. "We Healed all that, love. Your official stated position is that opening is sixth."


    "Sixth?"


    She nodded. "After your piercings."


    I blinked again. "Uh... my what?"


    She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me down to her lips as she whispered, "the ones I''ve yet to give you, the ones I''ll take right before I plunder every crevice on that incredible body of yours."


    When she let me up for air, my head was definitely spinning a little. "Yeah, about that, this whole discussion started with you asking me what I was thinking about, and now we''ve got a whole laundry list of dudes to do, which I guess helps, but I.." I rolled my eyes and slapped the railing.


    My Kitten is smarter than she has any right to be. "I take it you''ve decided exactly where you want to be railed?"


    "I mean, the top of this tower has the kind of view that would be beautiful to look at during, and the kind of height that would make every orifice clench."


    She bit at her lip while I spoke, and when I finished she breathily growled, "okay." Then she rolled backwards and kipped up to her feet. I watched, and realized very suddenly that she was missing some very important she parts, and... okay, look, my wife had just turned into a dude, and holy fuck I did not know how, but a dude who was in fact hotter than herself. My jaw dropped open. He grinned wickedly and said, "that''s not normally what you''re thinking of when you say ''railed'', but I''m game."


    My mouth snapped shut, and he laughed, and I levered myself up as he walked over and put his arms around my waist, pulling me to him. He had no right to look that smoking hot wearing Saffron''s dress. And boots. Seized by a sudden urge to look, I pulled his dress up and saw that he was, in fact, wearing her underthings as well. Okay, not her panties, because holy shit that would not fit. I was absolutely uncertain it would fit in me, and equally certain that I wanted to try. "Uh... not right now?"


    He frowned, not angry, but concerned. "Do you have a problem with us having sex like this?"


    My head shook of it''s own accord. "Oh, no. No, no, no, no, Do want, insert Tab A in Tab Itha vigorously. But, uh..." He waited, surprisingly patiently. "Daytime. Want the view from the top of the tower." I swallowed as he pulled me close, and the heat of him kinda started searing me through my blouse and slacks. "Uh. Yeah. I want a sundress. That''s how it''s supposed to go, bent over a balcony in a sundress. Never had a balcony. Never had a sundress that fit me, like, as an adult." I snapped my mouth shut, realizing I''d started to babble.


    He just smiled up at me, rubbing the side of his face against my chest. Hot. Like, both physically and yeah, hot. He wasn''t any taller like this. I think his chest was the same overall measurement, and that meant he had pecs to put Terminator Arnie to shame. I was definitely getting very melty. "So," he rumbled, and I realized that his voice was only maybe an octave below his as a her, but holy shit he had the kind of range that let him vibrate my whole fuckin'' torso. "Am I to be wearing anything in particular?" I blinked, brain on the fritz. "Or are you demanding I be skyclad in broad daylight atop this tower?"


    "Uh..." fuck off, my brain was not getting anything like the blood supply it needed for comprehensible conversation right then. "Have we ever done this before?"


    He chuckled, and I almost lost it right there. "Oh, yes. The first time, in fact, worries me."


    "Why?"


    "We broke the Temple of Love." I just kinda made a random noise and stared. He chuckled again. "Our passion shook the walls down. And the roof. And the floors."


    "Oh," I squeaked. "The one Karen''s rebuilding?"


    "Yes, exactly."


    "Oh. Uh. What do you want to wear?"


    She pulled me down and kissed me, then with our lips almost touching, whispered, "are you asking what I want to be in then?"


    Tabitha.exe has encounter a fatal exception. "Yeah?"


    "You." I kinda whimpered, I think. I''m not sure if my eyes closed or I just lost the ability to see. "You did mention me wearing a kilt at one point. Would you like me in you... I mean in a kilt. While I''m in you?"


    I giggled and whimpered at the same time. "That sounds nice."


    "Nice?" He sounded a little offended. I think he was faking. I''m not sure. I''m not sure of anything other than that the majority of my blood was currently somewhere between my shoulders and my thighs, leaving none to work the brain.


    "Words hard."


    "So am I." I giggle-whimpered again. "Are you sure you want to wait?"


    With a supreme effort I forced my recalcitrant talky bits to make with the wording. "No. Fuck no I do not. But I want the railing railing to be just right the first time."


    He nodded, solemnly. "You''ve something of a penchant for that. For first times being just so." He smiled, and I staggered. I would have staggered, but he caught me. Effortlessly. "So, the top of the tower?" I nodded. "You in a sundress, me in a kilt?" Another nod. "During the day?" Nod, nod. "Any particular time of day?" Bobblehead nod. "What time of day, Tabitha?"


    "Noon," I squeaked. This Glorious man was making me squeak. Holy fucking shit he was gonna make me more than squeak.


    "Do you want everyone here and watching, or would you prefer privacy?"


    Fuck. Shit. Damn. First time. "Just us."


    "No Marie? No Siobhan? Not even watching?"


    I thought about that. "Okay."


    "Watching? Joining in? Riding along inside your head? Mine? Ours?"


    "No join. Watch. In head. Out. Don''t care."


    He laughed, the sound a pure masculine expression of joy that melted my knees and warmed my heart. "Monosyllabic Tabitha. I think I win a prize for that. I''ll decide what later, but for now, I''ll speak with Marie about our clothing. Is this a matter of urgency?" I jerked my head from side to side. Totally lying, but if he couldn''t feel that... Fuck he could totally feel that, and he just let it slide by with a smile. "So tomorrow you''ll need to finish this." An image slid into my head, of the top room of the tower finished, and a wall-less observation platform with the thinnest of rails running around it''s very edge. "Can you do that?" Bobblehead bobbled. He chuckled again. "Well then."


    He spun me around, then tossed me back to land on the bed. "Time for my prize. If my Goddess will be my prize?" Bobblehead, bobblehead, I was drooling by this point and could not fucking bring myself to care. "Say it. I want to hear you say it."


    I had about one syllable left in me, and I kinda croaked out, "yes."


    The kids laughed at me with how I was kinda staring at walls while I toweled them dry at bath time. Brain still no blood flow. Saffron chatted with each of them, laughing and joking as she washed them off before sending them to me. It wasn''t until Ria glided over to be dried off that I had to force words to make sense. "Tabitha, have you been eating Fae bread?"


    I snicker snorted, thinking about that. "Uh. No. No, sweetie. Just... my mind is on something else at the moment."


    "Something troubling?"


    I shook my head. "No, nothing bad. Good, really."


    I''d mostly toweled the little girl off, and Menace walked over, shaking her head. "Mama bein'' siwwy." She led Ria off as the little Sidhe girl questioned her about the nature of my ''silliness''.


    Dreamt of... that was not a soup dumpling. Despite certain operational similarities. Brain. Got it on. Even in my dreams. The other ladies stared, Marie with interest, Siobhan with a little bit of... fear? Distaste? Definite weird impressed disinterest. Karen blinked. A lot.


    Woke up eager to get to work. Hammered forms into the ground, hauled enough rocks up to fill them out of the mine, and melted them down, all at a sprint. When they''d cooled to ''my tentacles have thick skin'', hoisted them all up to the top of the tower. Alternating walls, windows, doors. Simple half height walls for ''windows'' to the north and south, gaps for doorways east and west. A plain circle of stone atop all of them, all of it Mineral Bonded together the moment the slabs settled into place. Sprinted down, grabbed some tools from one of the women who''d been doing metalwork and used tongs and a circle of overlapping Filtration Wards to draw some steel into inch thick bars.


    At that point the woman whose tongs I''d kinda bent drawing the bars looked concerned. "Is... is everything well, Champion?"


    I stood there with my mouth hanging open for a second. "Oh. Oh, yeah, sure, I''m just... The Tower''s almost done! Wanna get it done today!"


    She smiled. "It''s good to see you happy, Champion."


    As I kinda floated down the underground hallways dragging the bars, I thought about that. I really was. Happy. Okay, maybe a stupid reason, but...


    Okay, right then my laughter echoed through the Tower. "Passion can make you stupid!" I sang. Then kinda stumbled as the latest of late aftershocks from the night before hit me. Got all the bars in place before sunset, and leaned against the railing too look down at our courtyard so far below. The women there all looked up at me, a few concerned, but mostly smiling.


    Oh, shit.


    Yes, Kitten?


    I think I might have used my tentacles a bit today.


    I''m aware.


    Uh...


    Look at the Main House, love.


    She stood there, overlooking everything, behind a metal railing around the edge of the Main House''s roof. She waved at me, and I waved back, sheepish. A second later she stood next to me, leaning into me. Funny, the railing was just below hip height on me, and absolutely right about tit height on her. "My turn after you, you realize?"


    "Uh..."


    She chuckled. "I get the ability to do that from you, Goof."


    "Oh." That seemed insufficient. "Uh." Fuck off.


    "We do need to rush home tonight though."


    That surprised me a little, although I realized right then that the women, with many sort of wistful glances at the unfinished houses around us, were gathering on the courtyard. "Why?"


    "It''s Harvest Festival!"


    She leapt up to wrap her legs around my waist, and I slipped my arms under her ass for her to sit on, because I''m just cool like that. "And that means?"


    Her eyes absolutely lit up as I stepped her down to collect our passengers to head home. "PIE!"

 Day Five Hundred And Nine

    Dear Diary,


    "Be careful with your Passion,


    Don''t feel guilty about it,


    Passion is strong, but not wrong."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Passion


    Been going on about all the way Passion can fuck people up, but I really don''t want to even give a whiff of neopuritanism here. It looks like my temples are legit brothels, so while I''m not gonna turn anybody away, prudes are not likely to find my temples or my congregations a super comfortable place. Like, okay, the sexiest Ace motherfucker in the world ought to be able to sit in the middle of a Revel and know that if anybody touches them, it is absolutely either an accident or to get their attention over the noise. So long as they''re not actually interfering with the Revelers, I''m down for them being there, too. I mean, seriously, Saffron told me the first thing I did on taking over the Temple of Love was an act of public fornication so intense it literally took the building down.


    Shit. Fuck. Dammit. You see that, right there? That''s a perfect example of how insidious that neopuritan shit is. Yeah, Saffron says we fucked. We fucked hard, right there on the altar of the Temple of Love. We clapped cheeks so hard we took the building down. But let me make this very fuckin'' clear, we did not fornicate. We are married. She is my wife. There''s a lot of different things that means to a lot of different people, to a lot of different cultures and nations and all other kinds of shit, but one thing that''s pretty fuckin'' common? Which might even be the most common single thing associated with the institution of marriage? It is, in fact, a License to Fuck. Yeah, some religions put some weird stipulations around it, ones I do not want in any way associated with my Worship, like you can''t be completely naked, or you gotta do it in a particular position, or you can''t enjoy it or some shit, which now that I think about it sounds like absolute Patriarchal bullshit, considering I have never seen a guy spurt spooge and not look like he just got his daily dose of dopamine.


    When two people who are married have sex, it is by definition not fornication, but my subconscious keeps labelling it that. Then, by extension, marking it as ''dirty'' or ''wrong'' or ''forbidden fruit''. Shit, I could almost understand that last one and get behind it, because if there was forbidden fruit pie, I do not think Saffron or I would ever do anything again other than me feeding it to her, just pie after pie until I had to make her the Goddess of Pie, then continuing until the end of time. Forbidden fruit is some powerfully motivating shit. I mean, seriously, I get that I''m not super into it, and Future Me seems to have an absolute aversion to it, but if on some unspecified future date, Guy Mode Saffron winds up balls deep in my ass, by Mana or M-Space chicanery blowing a load so large and intense it splurts out my nose, and his only words when he catches his breath are ''sorry, forbidden fruit too tasty''? He''s immediately forgiven, and that''s only maybe ten percent because he''s so fuckin'' hot, and fifty five percent because he''s Saffron.


    Yes, I can and will forgive her anything. Fuck, I can and will permit her everything, and now I''m torn between hoping she never asks nicely to do exactly that, and hoping that she does so mid railing railing.


    Saffron. Always Saffron. Y''know, that could be melancholy, could be resigned, could be a lot of things, but when I say it, when I think it, it is absolutely the source and expression of a rush of peace and contentment. If I were locked in a coffin sized box, the thought of which inexplicably fills me with dread even though I''m not claustrophobic, or didn''t used to be at least, when the fuck did Future Me get stuck in a box? But if I were stuck in a box just big enough for me and Saffron to be there holding one another? Like, even too small to get it on, just... to be there, together, forever? That would be the tiniest quantum of Heaven. Like, is that what I want? Not really, because the tiniest bit more room so we could not-fornicate for all eternity would be a huge improvement, for example. But if Gods have an afterlife, like if someday I''m no longer worshipped and I wind up having to drift in the desert or some shit like Om the Turtle? If I got to drift with Saffron, I''d consider that a win. A reward, a sign that whatever big cosmic force judges Gods, if there is one, approved of my actions.


    For what it''s worth, my Daughter, I approve of them.


    Thanks, Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    I... really don''t think there is one. A big cosmic force that judges Gods. I couldn''t even tell you why. Maybe it''s my increasingly ludicrous atheism. But some part of my guts tells me there''s not. Which is weird, because while I run on instinct a lot, I''m not one of those people who believe the cosmos responds to woo. Instinct is just our subconscious telling us shit based on memory and subtle things that slipped past our conscious mind. One of my science teachers told me that, and I gotta tell ya, every chance I''ve had to look at my instincts, when they were right, backed that up. Honestly, when they were wrong, all I can say is that it''s my subconscious, so it only makes sense that it''s an unreliable dumbass. The other gut feeling I''ve got really makes me hope this is one of those times, because on the topic of ''big cosmic forces that judge Gods'', my gut says ''nom'' with a side of anticipatory drooling.


    Speaking of drool and nom, we got home well after dark, and Saffron dragged all of us down to the dining room in her wake. When we left the suite onto the balcony, the smell hit, and I sure as fuck had to speak past some serious salivation when I said, "what about bath time?"The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    Without turning, Saffron growled out, "I missed last year, only catching the tastes of a proper Harvest Festival due to Divine Intervention. If I am not in dire need of a bath by the end of this meal, I will be sorely disappointed."


    The smell hit when we hit the balcony, but the sight... a line of pies stood down the middle of the table, the one at the head already carved, with Bonnie and Larry each eating. Well, feeding each other, because of course they were. I snagged Saffron and sat her on my lap, only to have her take the unexpected step of shoving the first slice of pie in my mouth instead of the other way around.


    Before I could ask, I realized why. Savory pie. Quiche. Bacon, onion, garlic, peppers, both sweet and hot, spinach, corn, carrots. All prepared to perfection, the flavors distinct yet melting together, the textures doing the same. When I swallowed, all of that got eclipsed by Saffron tongue, flickering into my mouth as she kissed me. When she pulled back she frowned a moment, then nodded. "Acceptable. You may feed me a small slice."


    I scooped another slice onto my, our plate and reached for a fork, only to have her grab the pie server and cut the slice in half longways, then scoop it up and serve it directly into my mouth. Her eyes danced with laughter the whole time. After I swallowed I said, "I thought I could feed you a slice?"


    She smiled, said, "I said a small slice. I''m saving room," then opened her mouth wide. Her tongue slid out over her lower lip.


    I am not carrying you off to the Bed until after we''ve finished dinner. She scrunched up her nose as the first forkful of quiche went in her mouth. Or feeding you nothing but sweet pies.


    Drat. My nefarious plan foiled by my spouse''s insistence on a nominally healthy diet.


    "Hey, I''m compromising with the half-slice. She''s getting a whole one." I nodded to Saffron''s normal seat, where Marie fed Siobhan her own slice of quiche.


    "She," Saffron said before being interrupted by another big bite of quiche, needs the nutrition more than I do.


    Excuse me? thought Siobhan.


    Skinny, skinny, skinny. When you haven''t fainted in a month we''ll renegotiate your diet.


    A month? I''m going to blow up like a balloon! How will I attend to my duties then?


    "Easy!" my Kitten got out before I interrupted her with a crust-heavy bite. We roll you in flour and lick the wet spots! Siobhan blushed, and it only got worse when Saffron thought, my faithful Attack Dog, your next target is our sweet Ice Pop''s ability to remain conscious. As you have said unto me, hit her with all your finest rizz.


    As I snickered and Siobhan folded her arms under her breasts, which I suddenly realized were just a little more bosomy than I remembered from my first interactions with them, the Maids brought another wave of pies around. I frowned a little and thought, that''s not really fair. When do they get to...


    Marie interrupted me, nodding to the new row of pies. Half.


    It took me a second, but then I watched her eyes, carefully tracking and examining the Maids. Who, despite having no evidence of crumbs on their aprons or lips, went about their duties with lips pressed together, many with their cheeks at least a little visibly full. I went to say something more about it and got a mouthful of pie.


    Pork pie, beautifully savory, the meat smoky and melting in my mouth, the crust buttery and crunchy. I had no idea if this was the pork pie I''d read about in books, but it was clearly pork, clearly pie, and clearly as awesome as anything other foodstuffs my Murder Mittens ever had a hand in creating. I swallowed, and once again my clever little Kitten used my mouth as a taste testing chamber. "Hmm... lovely, but not to my liking." Then she fed me another slice.


    By the time I finished with that, and I savored the fuck out of that shit, the next round of pie arrived. This time each of us got a small bowl with a six inch wide pie in the middle, and a spoon propped up next to it. I paused a second, tapping the top of it and listening to the sound. It had that perfect combo of melon thump and pastry crunch. Before I could pick up the spoon, Saffron grabbed it, thwacked the top hard, and scooped what looked like thick stew and a chunk of pastry crust and shoved it in my mouth.


    "Hahd! Hahd! Hahd!" I breathed in over it until it got to a point where I could taste it, at which point my eyes rolled back. Not chicken. Not turkey, I don''t think. Savory. Gamey, but in absolutely all the best ways. Vegetables. Carrots, pearl onions, some other kind of root vegetable, maybe even some kind of fruit. As I savored that bite, I thought, Mittens, this is incredible. What is it?


    Duck.


    Omigod, so good.


    Saffron leaned in and tasted the duck pot pie from my mouth, and her eyes popped open. At which point she turned and began shoveling spoonsful into her mouth, puffing out hot air with each bite, until I snagged the spoon from her. "Slow down and savor it, sweetie."


    I blew on each bite, waiting until the heat was just this side of scalding before spooning it into her. I stole a couple pieces of crust, but it was absolutely too cute watching her close her eyes and squee as she savored each bite. I think the sweetness of the fruit really pushed all her happy mouth buttons.


    So much pie. Quiche. Pork Pie. Duck Pot Pie. Goose Pot Pie. Some kind of actual meat Minced Meat in a Minced Meat Pie. A Mincemeat Pie of the kind I remembered from back in Eastside. Pumpkin. Some kind of Molasses pie. Apple. Peach. Cherry. Lemon. A couple I couldn''t even tell what they were, other than awesome. I got like one bite of each. Like, a big bite, but still just one that I savored while I stuffed the rest of our servings into my Kitten. By the time we finished, I could feel her belly just a little pooched out, and she groaned as I carried her up to sleep, Menace curled up on her lap.


    Just as I fell asleep surrounded by my family, surrounded again by all the women staying in our suite, every one of us stuffed to near bursting with pie, I felt the sun rise.


    Dreamt of my ladies sunbathing on tentacles above my Maw, melting and dripping down to fill me with soup and sauce, sweet and spicy.


    Woke to the feel of the sun setting.

 Day Five Hundred And Ten

    Dear Diary,


    "Passion is your inner fire,


    That will warm your life and love,


    Let your freak flag fly proudly!"


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Passion


    Yeah, definitely not unhappy about having Passion as a Domain. Like, Justified Homicide? Yeah, if there''s an executioner out there praying to me every time he throws the switch I guess that''s part of the job, I''m gonna be there for that dude. If there''s a soldier who only ever fights where he''s ordered to, who follows his ROE to the letter, and just happens to fight with the hardest of ons, painting his cup with every confirmed kill, better that he''s taking advice from me than, y''know, some crazy bitch who''s gonna tell him to see how many hearts he can crush before the Heroes catch him. Some poor bastard asking me to help make his Vengeance as clean as it can be while also being the most spectacular exemplar of Finding Out ever to go down in history as an object lesson for why not to be an entitled empowered douchecanoe? Fuck it, I wish I had somebody to do that for me, so I gotta be the person I wish I had, right?


    But Passion? Fuck. And I mean that in the ''what can I say'' and ''that is, indeed, my Passion'' sense. Or, y''know, it''s one of them. I''m... Damn, this sounds so fuckin'' pretentious, but at the same time it''s absolutely true, I''m a creature of my many Passions. Like, Passion for sex. Passion for food. Passion for love. Passion for Saffron. Passion for Marie. Passion for Siobhan. Passion for double teaming Siobhan while eating Marie''s sushi off Saffron''s ass. Despite all kinds of weird leftover twinges which I deliberately ignore with even more intensity than I ignore the constant low ache of my scars, I refuse to be ashamed of any or all of those. If the ladies all agreed and Saffron told me it was a good idea and, y''know, not a huge faux pas, I would totally do that front and center on the altar in the Temple of Love, because I refuse to believe that Passion or Love or even Lust are inherently bad. Fuck it, I''m gonna go out on a limb and say that in the absence of some external factor, they are objectively good.


    ''But Tabitha, Lust makes you do stupid things'' I hear people saying. Yeah, it does. So does Love. So does Passion. So does being a dumbass. So does greed, and anger, and zealotry. But where zealotry leads to all kinds of murdery shit, anger goes the same but without the self-righteous sphincter clenching, and greed does it too, just quietly and slow, if you remove the guilt and stigma the worst Lust is gonna do is make a mess in somebody''s shorts. Before anybody goes off about rapists and other humanoid pieces of shit, entitlement and misplaced rage definitely qualify as ''external factors'' in my book. I''m even gonna drop ''shitty parenting leading to insufficiently socialized ignorant assed adults'' in that external factor bucket, because an exchange between two properly socialized adults which begins with ''let''s share orgasms'' has, as a worst case endgame, ''I''m sorry, Spleen, there''s not enough beer in the world''. With a best case option of two properly socialized adults cancelling their plans for the week as they discover that they are in fact each other''s fetish.


    So yeah. Done with the book of Passion. Tomorrow I start on Ecstasy. Which, honestly, since I have yet to catch a whiff of designer drugs here, I think might wind up being my first entirely positive Book. Like just an Ode to Joy kind of thing. An ''I hope you never have to deal with Books four through six, I hope you''re careful with Books seven and nine, but if you do your best, I will do my best to make your afterlife a live action adaptation of Book eight''.


    Okay, no whiff of designer drugs, but definitely some solid supernatural altered state of consciousness delivery from that Fae grain.


    Speaking of, after the fam woke up near sunset, stumbled through a perfunctory bath time where we washed off the results of our epic pie time yesterday, staggered down to the dining room to fill in the corners with soup, salad, and the remains of all of yesterday''s pies, then stumbled back to bed, I snagged Marie and Co-Located back down to the dining room. She looked down at me, maybe a little surprised at the two of us standing there naked in the dining room, but otherwise just waiting patiently for me to explain myself. I glanced around, and the only people in the room were Stheno and Euryale. Don''t ask me how I knew it was them, specifically. Lancaster House Maid uniforms, not the Academy Maid uniform Marie habitually wore. The tweaks to that uniform to let them do their job as nursemaids with a minimum of fuss. The way they moved in an oddly more natural unison than the creepy supernatural one most of the Maenads shared.


    No matter how I recognized them, they just looked at me, shook their heads, looked at Marie, nodded, and went about their business sorting out the head of the table.


    I looked up at Marie and whispered, "hey Mittens, do you think you could maybe get me one of Ria''s waffles?"


    She did not look thrilled at the idea, but instead of telling me no or anything like that, she just tilted her head and asked, "Why?"


    I kinda slumped, because it totally had to do with her, and I wanted it to have other reasons, and maybe it did, but none of them really mattered, and I had no idea why I had so much trouble explaining my reasoning to her when i could absolutely ask her to apply any number of stimuli to any number of intimate body parts without the slightest hesitation. "Uh..." I hung my head. "I want to see you." Her long, sculpted fingernail... her claw, that despite my every effort I could not see no matter what I did, gently but firmly lifted my chin until I looked her in the eye.


    "See." My head twitched, and she frowned, confused. "Explain?"


    I lowered my voice so that anyone beyond the reach of Marie''s claws wouldn''t hear anything but a murmur. Not that there was anybody to hear anyhow, but a lifetime of habits born in the hood died hard. "You. Not the hot blond giantess. You. Not Siobhan''s big sister with the bitchin'' overdone manicure. You. I want to see... you." I closed my eyes, imagining, remembering. Even in memory the fuckin'' Blessing tried to cover her over. "I don''t know how much longer I''ll be here. I mean, yeah, I get it, I''m her. She''s me. We''re us. No, that''s not right, there''s just one of me, even when there''s two of me. We''re me. But... this me. Like I am now? When that Blessing goes away, I''ll be her. I guess part of me will stay with her. Or, really, I''ll just be a part of her. But... I''m still scared. It''s still going to be an ending, and I... this me? Won''t ever really know whether or not I''m part of her, she''s part of me, or she''s just here and I''m just not. Because the only way I''ll still be here, like this, to know? Is if it doesn''t work."


    Her fingernails... Claws caressed my cheek. "Vlickies."


    "I can''t be this me and know. And I... I love this life, I love you. I love all of you. My ladies. Our kids. The women staying with us. Our friends. Our life. I even love that half built pile of stone at the Homestead. I... Shit. Two months ago I was living alone in a shitty rowhouse that probably should have been condemned, getting high on the regular to kill the existential pain of just existing. But if you''d asked me if I wanted to end it, and I was being honest rather than being an emo little shit or a troll, I''d have told you to fuck off with that nihilist bullshit, I had video games to play and a vibe if I could find batteries and another half dime bag of weed to smoke. But here? Now? I... she... I do not want to lose this, but if someone handed me a button that would take the Blessing away so she could be here for you guys? To give me back the memories it hides from me? Which would end me and turn me permanently back into her? All I''d ask is that my ladies be there for me, hold me while I push that button so fuckin'' hard it couldn''t be unpushed, ever. Shit, I''d want the kids, but I don''t want them to ask why I''m crying."This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.


    I realized right then that I was. I cried, the tears dripping. I wasn''t sobbing, or incoherent, or any of that shit, but the tears would not stop flowing. I sniffled just a little, then said, "I''d press that button, because you guys deserve the best me that you can have." I snorted out something not entirely unlike a laugh. "Ain''t that a thing? Two months ago I had shit to live for, and would have clung to life without thinking why. Here I''ve got every fuckin'' thing I could ever want, and I would give it up in a heartbeat to let you have a better me. Because she is. A better me."


    "No."


    My eyes shot open and I glared up at my Murder Mittens. No, not my Murder Mittens. The pale Human reflection of what my Murder Mittens ought to be. "Yes. She''s everything I am. She''ll remember everything I''ve done, every thought I''ve had..." I stopped, snorting, realizing. "Okay, not every thought, because we''re both me, and I forget that shit while I''m thinking it half the time. But that''s just it. You remember when you slapped that Cold Iron hat on me and she wrote me that note, right?" Marie nodded. "Yeah. She didn''t spend time figuring out what I wanted to know. She already knew, because she is me. Only more. She remembers all those things I don''t. She has all those skills, all that knowledge, all that power, that I can barely kinda sorta fake enough that nobody outside our inner circle realizes what''s goin'' on. So I am literally her, but mentally handicapped. So yeah. I would press that button to give you all a better version of me."


    Her eyes glistened, and she pulled me to her. "Vlickies."


    "I just... before I go? Because I do not know when Saffron or Conrad or Loki or anyone else will find the right string to pull to give me all those memories back and make me go away?"


    I paused, and a quiet voice murmured, should I find that string, I will let you know before I do, that you might be surrounded by all you love until the very end.


    I chuckled. Here I always thought I''d die alone. Thanks, Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    "I''ve helped build our new home. I''ve played with the kids, talked with you three and Mom and Dad, I''ve done every thing that came to mind to show you how much I love you all. But if there is one thing I would regret, it''s not being able to see you, the real you, as you are, more. Shit I don''t even know if I can be really coherently me while being able to see you, but... please let me try? Or let me see you, even if all I can do is stare and drool at you?"


    She put her arms around me, and a moment later we stood in the Bed''s room, my back to the Bed. "I appreciate the thought, and I''m not stupid enough to say no, but..."


    She smiled at me, put her fingertip on my forehead, and shoved me back to flop on the Bed, my calves dangling off the end. "Hush."


    I hushed, and she disappeared. She reappeared a few moments later, a few waffles clutched in her fingernails. I pulled myself up to sitting on the end of the bed, reaching for the waffles, but she pulled them away, holding up one finger. "Open."


    I grinned and spread my knees. She pursed her lips and raised an eyebrow. I couldn''t help it, I''m still me, after all. I reached down and spread. "Open!" She chuckled, shook her head, and pointed at my mouth. I rolled my eyes, still smiling, then closed my eyes, opened my mouth, and said, "aah!"


    A chunk of warm, almost too hot waffle settled on my tongue. I chewed, swallowed, then opened my eyes. "Still not you." I might have pouted a little. She held out one hand, fingers up. One at a time, painfully slowly, she lowered her fingers into her palm. When her fist clenched she raised an eyebrow. I shook my head. She tore off another mouthful of waffle and held it out. I took it from her fingers with my lips like the sluttiest school girl ever to take communion, licking the crumbs off her fingers before I let them go. I closed my eyes, chewed, swallowed, then opened my eyes again. "Dammit. Still not you." She forced me to wait another long four count, then fed me another. Then another.


    "How long are you willing to keep this up?" I might have been pouting more than a little by then, and for fuck''s sake I realized just then that I get a little self destructive when I''m pouty.


    She wiped that all away with a simple, "Yes." Yes, she would feed me waffles until I saw her as her. Yes, she would feed me waffles until the Blessing was gone and so was I. Yes, she would feed me waffles until time came to an end and my daughters sang reality to sleep in my shadow.


    I blinked up at her. "Another?" She lay another on my tongue, and I wrapped my tongue around her claws, reveling in the feel of her fur against my lips as I swallowed it whole. I giggled as I sucked her claws clean, grabbing her hand as they slipped out of my mouth, pushing my index and middle fingertips into the tips of her first two claws. "Funny. You know how I knew, how I should have known that you, the other you, the glamour the Blessing puts over you, is fake?"


    She smiled down at me, carefully setting the rest of the waffles to the side, then running her other claws down the back of my head, skritching as she went. "How?"


    I pressed against her claw tips. Well before it hurt, pinpricks of blood welled. "Fuck, those are sharp as shit. Do you have to file them or something?"


    "Yes." She grinned. Chuckled a little even. "How?"


    I smirked up at her, pulling those claws to me, running them down my front just the tiniest bit too softly to slice myself open. "Because any girl kisser where I''m from would keep these two nails short."


    My beautiful tigress does not need to keep those claws short.


    Saffron showed up late in the morning. "There you are."


    "Here I are!"


    She shot me an affectionate frown, glanced at the denuded remains of the pile of waffles, then waved one hand through the air, where it left a glittering shadow. "HOLY FUCK!"


    She froze as a little rectangular window with angled corners appeared in front of her, just off to one side. "Tabitha?"


    "I saw that!" I hissed out. Her eyes got wide. "I saw you Shaping!"


    Saffron''s mouth worked, eventually forming the least likely of words. "Fuck."


    "Wha?"


    She shrugged, sighed, and plonked that amazing ass down on my lap. "I''d been hoping that perhaps the Fae grain or some derivative thereof would provide a solution to the Blessing, since it removes the glamor. Even if it provided a palliative effect, if we could discover a dosage which rendered the Blessing neutralized without leaving you, well, stoned out of your mind that would be something, but..."


    "Oh! We did! Tell her, Marie!"


    Marie smiled indulgently, sliced off a mouthful of waffle with her claws, and delivered it to my eagerly waiting mouth. "Hourly."


    Saffron smiled sadly, "and she told me that rather than you because?"


    I chewed once, swallowed, nearly choked, then said, "''cause I''m shit at math?"


    She sighed. "What''s the first thing I did after you exposed yourself to me as Mimic Reborn?"


    I blinked. "Uh... me?"


    She shook her head. "Still Blessed."


    I wrapped my arms around her waist. "Yep. Blessed with an abundance of my very favorite people in the world." Right then I got a brilliant idea. "Fuck me!"


    Saffron looked at Marie, "it hadn''t been an hour since her last dosage, had it?" Marie just shrugged. "Well, I suppose we can wait until it begins wearing off just a touch."


    I clamped my arms around her tighter. "Don''t wanna not see Marie!" Then I buried my face in her hair.


    She twisted just a little, settling that ass on my thighs firmly. "Do you know what you just suggested?" I nodded. "You know what it means?" I nodded again. She sniffed, and laughed. "You and Marie seem to have already been doing so. Did you still want to?"


    I nodded one more time, murmuring, "yes," into her hair as I did.


    She breathed four beautiful pout annihilating words into my ear, "I didn''t say no."

 Day Five Hundred And Eleven

    Dear Diary,


    "Unadulterated joy,


    That is what Ecstasy is,


    No matter how you reach it."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Ecstasy


    Funny, I think this is the first Book I''m starting off where the core concept isn''t reference in the first line. Hell, it''s usually the first word. But this one''s different. The others are all, I dunno, actions or motivators or... Before things. Ecstasy is an after thing. Okay, all of them can definitely be ''during'' things, which fits me, because I''m definitely a ''during'' kind of person. Living in the moment. Like, I''ve been told so many fuckin'' times about the importance of planning and thinking things through and shit like that. Took classes on it back in my pre-isekai days. ROTC covered, like, how to plan out a camping trip, we had a ''financial literacy'' class that went over how to budget and save up for stuff, there was a ''family planning'' section in our Health class. Planning, planning, planning.


    I get it. I really do. Intellectually, at least. I get how if you make a plan, and follow it, shit winds up better for everybody involved. All the bills get paid before the money gets pissed away on weed and Steam. The fridge has food all the way through the month. The mac and cheese tastes like mac and cheese and not lumpy half dissolved pasta, chunks of cheese cocaine, and chunky milk. Everybody pops off at more or less the same time. Shit, I''ve been told I''ve actually planned shit like military campaigns in my new life here, and now I''m wondering exactly how much of my ability to learn any of that shit is tied into my desire for optimal carnal gratification.


    I know me. Probably all of it. Because at heart I live in the now. In the moment. Anything out of line of sight is fuzzy and unclear, anything which isn''t impacting one of my senses might as well not exist. Fuck, probably why I can actually care for other human beings here and now, because my cooch is all, ''need big squishy mammaries, need claws, need dat ass, need cool fingers, need Saffron screaming in my mouth''. Although that really wouldn''t explain the kids, because I may be a dozen kinds of broken, but I''m not that kind of broken. Fuck, did I just, y''know, grow up while I wasn''t looking?


    So fuckin'' weird. Like, it''s become clear to me that Ria''s Blessing pretty much targets my conscious mind. My subconscious, where the emotions live, dumps all the serotonin in the world into me when I feel Marie''s fur or fangs. When Menace head glomps me or Maze half whispers ''papa''. When Siobhan''s just cooler than normal skin presses against mine. Or when I interact with Saffron in any way whatsoever.


    Speaking of, spent all day yesterday lounging around in the Bed''s room interacting with Saffron and Marie. Like, the perpetually horny part of me wants to snicker at that, but honestly a lot of it wasn''t. I mean, yeah, plenty of it was, but mostly we just lounged around talking about shit. Not even, like, important plans or anything. Just, like, what kinds of carpeting we liked, and clothes, and colors, and stuff that we normally didn''t talk much about.


    Of course, since the major activity was ''talking'', I felt a little bad about, y''know, Marie not talking too much. I mean, yeah, she makes her opinions known when they''re important, but we absolutely wound up talking about ''random bullshit go'' all day. I dunno if Saffron caught wind of that or what, but when we got back to the Lancaster House suite and settled in for the night, she lay me back to back with Siobhan, then snuggled the Sister while Marie lay down so my Maenad could do the same to me.


    Dreamt of fuzzy Marie pasta slowly lowered into the Maw by the rest of my ladies. She tasted joyously sweet.This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work.


    Woke to smooth skin and fingertips with manicured nails, and might have gotten a little pouty. I tried my best to hide it, though, because it wasn''t Marie''s fault. Shit, Ria''s just a kid, and she did exactly what I asked her to do. If it''s anybody''s fault, it''s mine.


    Of course, if anybody''s going to fix shit, it''s Saffron and Marie. Breakfast was waffles and tendies, and when I went to feed my waffle to my sweets loving Saffron, she just gave me a closed lipped smile and shook her head once. I blinked at that, then thought, really?


    I need my wits about me for research and for managing the Councils, love.


    Huh? Then I realized. Oh! Really?


    She nodded, and I vacuumed up the waffle in like four big bites. I chewed, really. I swear. I don''t know why I got so excited, because one waffle wasn''t enough to get me the view of my Murder Mittens I wanted. At least not until we got to the Homestead. I''d hopped up to the roof of the tower, vaguely disappointed but not wanting to spread my sour mood, when I heard claws on stone behind me. I half turned to see a pair of clothes holding a precisely cut square of waffle out to me.


    I nommed it down, grabbing her hand before she could pull away. Then I pulled her down and kissed her. Barely letting her pull away, I whispered, "thank you, Marie."


    She smiled into my lips. "De nada"


    The kids went back to painting again today. I''m still not allowed to go look at it. Hell, I''m not really required for anything, so I just sat around on top of the tower watching the women out cutting lumber and doing... I guess landscaping? Like, they dug up rocks sticking out of the ground and moved them up to where we had those massive bones set up as a fence. That''s about the only real thing I did to help today. Not so much digging or setting rocks, but a couple of them weren''t loaf of bread sized like most of them, but more motorcycle sized. When I saw a bunch of them, including one beautifully fuzzy Maenad, struggling with one of those, I nudged Marie, who''d sat down next to me, both of us dangling our legs off the edge of the roof, and said, "Think they need help?"


    After a brief pause, she said, "Maybe."


    I grinned at her. "Wanna go show off?"


    "Maybe."


    I laughed, fell forward and tumbled to the feet of the group around the rock. "Hey, ladies, need a hand?"


    They''d all been trying to figure out a way to use their shovels and picks to lever the thing out of its spot and get it rolling up the hill toward the cobbled together wall behind the big bone fence. When I spoke, they all looked at each other and took a step back, motioning me forward. I shook my head, but heaved myself to my feet, grabbed a couple likely handholds, and heaved. I heard a really weird crackling groan, but before I could worry about my spine turning into modern art, a fuzzy clawed hand lashed out near ground level, and I stumbled backward, big assed boulder held up and about to moosh me into the ground.


    Only it... didn''t. Don''t get me wrong, that shit was heavy, but not ''omigod, I''m street pizza'' heavy. More like, ''oh, shit, this eighty pound bag of rice is actually eighty fuckin'' pounds'' heavy. Mostly, my problem was how fuckin'' cumbersome it was. Like, something right up at the ''fuck, that''s heavy, but I can carry it'' weight needs to be properly balanced, or have some rigging, or something, but I had nothing except really shitty grips. Then I got a bright idea, turned, and thumped it into the ground. Maybe panting a little bit, I waved the ladies back, saying, "gimme a second."


    I walked around the big rock once, picked my spots, and held my fingers over them. I drove little Mana Blades into the rock, leaving them there just long enough to bore holes. Of course, right about there''s where my plan ran into a bit of a snag. Kitten? Halp?


    I felt her look through my eyes, then she snickered. Create Water, Goof. Then she took my hands and showed me. Like two gallons of water blorped down into the holes. Most of it boiled out, but I did the Create Water thing a couple more times before sticking my fingers into the holes, taking a grip, and hefting the rock up onto my shoulder.


    "Where did you ladies need this?"


    A couple of the women walked with Marie and I as we made our way up to the spot they needed a big fuckin'' rock for their fence. Best part of the day, other than being able to spend most of it hip to hip atop the tower with my favorite fuzzy butt Marie?


    Hearing one of the women mutter to the other, "I think I see Devorah''s point..."

 Day Five Hundred And Twelve

    Dear Diary,


    "Chasing down euphoria,


    All of us are doing it,


    It is what life''s all about."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Ecstasy


    I dunno, I saw this get a lot of hate back in the day, especially by so called ''ascetics''. Look, just because your body has normal amounts of serotonin, or lets you get your dopamine hits by watching paint dry or some shit does not mean you do not chase euphoria. Yeah, most people talking about Ecstasy and Passion and shit are talking about sex. Sure as shit most people hear someone talking about that and think that. Even the ones who then act all high and mighty because their wedding tackle isn''t their driving motivation in life. Look, we get it, you''re Ace. No worries, go do your thing, whatever it is. But don''t get all high and mighty like somehow that makes you a superior human being or enlightened or morally superior or some shit like that.


    I guess some of the folks with that particular brand of cranial rectal inversion might just be so depressed, and have been for so long, that they mistake ''chronic terminal depression'' for some kind of desirable state. Yeah, emotions are powerful shit, and just like every other powerful thing in human history, some douchecanoes have used them to excuse or empower behavior that deserves a swift kick in the crotch. Worse, they''ve given other people the idea that it''s fine to copy them. Henry, and you know which one I''m talking about? I''m looking at you, motherfucker. We are not incubators for your inevitably X chromosome baby batter. Same goes for every dude who used the women in their life as interchangeable disposable uteri. People are not fungible assets.


    Shit, I need to remember to put that in my Book somewhere. Maybe some kind of reference here in Ecstasy? Because I got nine verses to fill, and ''ooh, baby, ooh, baby, ooh, baby, ooh'' will only get me so far. But to get back to it, just like Passion, Ecstasy doesn''t have to be about sex. Fuck, it''s probably not even the majority of the Ecstasy people feel. I am an absolute horndog who chases euphoric states hard, and it might not even be half of my personal Ecstatic moments. I mean, it might. That''s possible. But I''ve also had those moments cuddled up with the kids. I''ve sure as shit had a bunch eating Marie''s cooking. I''m a really physical person, too; I''m sure there are some motherfuckers out there who live inside their heads who hit Ecstasy or Euphoria... Um... Doing math problems and shit? I dunno. My point is really that it doesn''t matter how you chase that high, so long as anybody else involved in some way is cool with it? Or better yet getting their own rocks off in the metaphoric sense? I''m down to support that. I''m good with people calling on me to make that happen. Well, help that happen. I''ve said it before, not good with the math.


    So yesterday spent most of the day just overseeing women gathering materials to put the not-rock portions of our new home together. Felt some kinda way when the women started ogling me, until I realized that they were not, in fact, dudes intending to verbally molest me in lieu of socially frowned on unwanted public physical molestation. They weren''t even loud or crude about it or anything, just making quiet comments to each other. Yeah, the comments equated to, ''okay, yeah, I would like a slice of that cake'', but shit, I can''t say I haven''t done that my own damn self. Sure as shit I would take a slice of Lachlan or Linus if the opportunity arose. Which some tiny shrieking part of me still says is awful, because I''m married and engaged and have a mutually shared side piece.


    Fuck, I really gotta pay closer attention to that aspect of me, I think. Like, I remember one of my old teachers... Not sure what subject, at this point, because it was a couple years back at least, but they replied to a comment about ''power corrupts'' with a whole fuckin'' rant. It boiled down to ''power does not corrupt, it amplifies, and also separately attracts the corrupt''. Like, it made sense, too. If power corrupted, you''d find every person in power with the same fuckin'' vices. But you don''t. Yeah, a lot of men in positions of power start fucking everything that doesn''t move away fast enough. But then ''liking sex'' is a pretty common thing, and there''s whole fuckin'' social structures in place that funnel available women to men with the power to support them. Note that I''m not saying that''s right, but just that it wasn''t the power that made those dudes stick their dick in every woman who didn''t run away fast enough. Shit, plenty of them didn''t fuckin'' run. Some of them may have gone into it eyes open. Feel bad for some of them because of that, because dudes with power tend not to be pretty. Also, that shit stings when it gets in your eyes.


    But my two points here. First, not everybody who got power did that. Some of them weren''t into women, but holy shit did those dudes have whole fuckin'' boy harems at times. Some of them weren''t into sex at all, because it is in fact possible to be Ace, or even just not an oversexed asshole, and get into a position of power. But, like, having enough shoes to cover the feet of your entire population in your closet when plenty of your people do not, in fact, have shoes? That''s still a fuckin'' vice, and one you can''t indulge in without power. But then you get people who get power and just... don''t do that shit. Whether it''s because they don''t have vices, or their vices are little personal ones like having a perfect souffl¨¦ for breakfast every morning, or they have enough integrity to realize that the thing they want, the thing that their power would let them take without consequence, is wrong, so they just employ every flat chested adult hooker in the region to dress up in seifuku is really irrelevant, not every person given power starts torturing everyone who ever dissed them to death.


    My second point kinda catapults off that one. I don''t remember how I got here, but I''m in a position of power. Fuck, multiple positions, even if my poor atheist brain has a problem reconciling a few of them with reality. I''m the Champion of the Alliance. I''m married to the Imperator, and yes, I''m aware that''s the root word of ''emperor''. I''ve been told that I, not ''my'' army or any particular unit thereof, am the single most powerful military force on the continent. I''m a High Priestess. High Priestess set above all others. I am definitely in positions of social, political, and military power. Fuck, I think I remember one of my Social Studies teachers talking about ''moral'' power, and even if being Loki''s top High Priestess doesn''t give me that, I am writing a fucking Holy Book for the religion that is fucking worshipping me. Even if I wanted to say, ''oh, no, I''m not really a Goddess, so that doesn''t really count, what I did with Bonnie and Lucas falls square into ''miraculous'' territory. I''ve spoken with Loki and Sigyn and adopted the apparently non-fucking Weyland Smith and I''m fucking a Maenad on the regular. Saying ''oh, I''m not a Goddess'' would just be fuckin'' disingenuous.


    And my vice... Shit, my most defining vice is probably being a massive horndog. I can''t even say ''oh, I''ll eschew chewing on this hottie''s lips because I''m married'', because my fuckin'' wife is encouraging me to get to chewing. So I gotta be real super extra careful about Consent and my own metaphorically monstrous footprint. I gotta make sure that for anybody who wants a piece of this cake they''re not doing it because they feel like I''ll punish them if they don''t. Or that they''ll wind up sucking hind tit because they didn''t suck on my front tits. I mean, shit, I''m not a child. I get that some of the people who might share orgasms with me might not be driven by pure or simple motives. Yeah, if I had a magic wand that lit up green when someone asking to bump uglies had no other motivation than shared sexual bliss, you know I''d have that shit mounted on the bed, not to mention mounting anybody who lit that fucker up.


    But what about some poor chica who knows, because we have made it very clear, that her place at our Homestead has nothing to do with my ashes being sufficiently hauled, nor with her participation or lack thereof in ash hauling, but still doesn''t feel it in her guts, and wants to see my O face as proof to herself that she belongs, that she''ll have a place with us through thick and thin? Telling a woman in that situation ''no'' just seems kinda cruel, especially if she definitely has her own place and her own shit going on and clearly has other options than staying with us if it boiled down to it. Because at that point she''s just saying, ''hey, big bitch in charge, make me feel better''. And if I respond ''oh, hey, no problem, what you need'', and she hits me with ''looking you in the eye as I make your lady bits go ping'', what the fuck am I supposed to tell her? ''Oh, I''m married''? Doesn''t work when my wife is standing behind me with a skirt and pompoms making those magnificent mammaries bounce. ''Oh, I don''t like sex''? Shit, I can sling bullshit with the best of them, but I don''t think I could force those words out of my mouth if Saffron reached her hand up my metaphoric or literal ass and worked my mouth like a Muppet. ''You don''t turn me on''? Fuck, that''d just be mean. Especially given some of the absolute triple bag dudes I banged for a handful of dime bags back in the day.Stolen novel; please report.


    So yeah, I gotta actually apply some brain power to any given case of somebody wanting to warm my groin. I also gotta make it really, abundantly clear that barring some prearranged transactional agreement, the only thing guaranteed from delivering my daily dopamine is an earnest effort on my part to return the favor. I mean, shit, probably gonna get Marie and Saffron doing the same, and Siobhan seems like she''s just discovered that sex is her hyperfocus or special interest, depending on her flavor of neurospicy. Shit, if she''s actually neurotypical, maybe she''s discovered her hobby? Whatever, my point is I gotta make it clear that partying with the Goddess is its own reward, neither a requirement for nor guarantee of a life of fame, glamour, and riches.


    Speaking of people wanting to do the horizontal mambo with me, Devorah flounced over to me with a booger look after her bath. "Hey, Devorah. What''s wrong?" I asked as I wrapped a towel around her, very carefully capturing her hands inside the towel.


    "I thought you wanted my mead," she pouted at me.


    I shrugged. "I mean, I''m not gonna say I don''t. But..." I sighed. "Look, I want you to be secure and have your own thing going on. You''re a brewer. Our agreement was when you got your first big batch of mead ready, right?" She nodded, still looking cranky. "Nobody''s put the thought in your head that either one of those things, either delivering enough mead to get me drunk, or getting our Revel on afterward, is a requirement for you to live at the Homestead, have they?"


    She shrugged. "No. Not as such." She sighed and shook her head. "No, although the Imperator has made it clear that she would like each of us to do what we can to support the household."


    I nodded. "Okay, yeah, but that''s ''pitching in to help everybody'', not ''getting my scarred up ass drunk and ringing my bell''. You get that, right?"


    "Yes, Champion. I understand the difference."


    "So... yeah. I don''t remember ever having mead before, but I really wanna try it." I stomped down hard on my lingering irrational guilt and said, "I don''t remember ever having you before, but I really wanna try you, too. But only once you''re established on your own, and only if you want to for no other reason than for some bizarre reason you find this," I pulled her back away with one hand grabbing her towel, and waved the other down my front, "attractive."


    Of course, she took the opportunity to look me up, down, and back up again excruciatingly slowly. While licking her lips. Some guttural throat noises may have barely reached my ears. When her gaze finally rose back to meet mine, she blinked once, slow, and said, quietly enough that only I could hear it, "I. Like. Muscles."


    "Like, enjoy looking at them like them, or need some extra drying in your lower regions like them?"


    She grinned at me, looked back down, and said, "yes."


    I couldn''t help it, I laughed. "Okay then. It''s not after yet, or I''d be in the process of rendering you speechless right now, but tell me, what had your panties in a bunch?"


    "Whiskey."


    "Okay. Whiskey''s good. I like whiskey. What''s wrong with whiskey?"


    She huffed at me, and very pointedly did not look behind her. "I''ve been informed that as the Brewer of the house, I''ll need to make whiskey. Which I''ve never made before."


    I shrugged. "Okay, you''ve made your lack of experience clear. I don''t think we''ve got any other brewers in the house, do we?"


    She nodded. "Well, not exactly. But they haven''t got any more experience with whiskey than I do. They''re vintners. Which is why they''re looking to try and grow grapes, no matter that the cold weather won''t really support them well."


    I shrugged. "Might surprise you, we get some warmth in the summer. Even if we can''t grow grapes from the Med, I think I remember some varieties that grow in Con... New... Uh... northeast of New Amsterdam? Which is gotta be colder than here."


    She looked at me kinda funny, like she hadn''t expected me to know much about growing shit. Which, to be fair, I didn''t really. I just knew that Concord was in New England, and Concord was a kind of grapes that made really good jam and cheap assed wine. Then she said, "but.. this whiskey was to be specifically for you."


    I looked over Devorah''s shoulder at Saffron, who was just finishing up with Anna''s hair. Fae Grain whiskey?


    It would likely provide much more controllable dosages, not to mention enable me to work with Alliance alchemists to see if we can remove it''s intoxicant effects without removing it''s perception enhancing ones.


    You do realize ''altered state of perception'' is another way of saying ''intoxicated'', right? My Kitten gave me all the side eye in the world. Of course you do. Sorry. Just making sure. Also?


    Yes, Goof?


    I took a bit of a chance and sent her a mental image of kissing her until her toes curled up and she passed out. It makes me feel really special that you would think of that, that you''d have that done, just for me.


    Of course, love. My brain meats echoed with a mental snort. Funny, while I''ve found one of my Passions in Shaping research, I didn''t become an Archmage for that reason.


    No?


    No. I set out on the path to becoming an Archmage to help keep our daughter safe. I became one to help a friend. I earned the Title a second time to protect you, even if doing so protected the rest of the world from the Undead in the process. So much of what I''ve done... What we''ve done, is like that.


    Like what?


    She smiled at me, and somehow that smile warmed my heart and nethers at the same damn time. We''ve acted to protect and nurture each other, our children, our loved ones, and we''ve reshaped the world in doing so.


    I smiled back, ignoring a slightly miffed Devorah to do so. I''m so proud of you, Kitten.


    You showed me the way, Goof. You continue to do so. I just follow in your footsteps. Her chuckle filled my head. Often cleaning up your messes, but those ''messes'' are often as not the remains of those who would have done us harm. So I shan''t complain. Although I suspect your current toweling client is about to.


    At that point I shot her another smile, then turned back to Devorah. "Sorry, just thinking about something. Look, Devorah, I just realized, the Imperator isn''t really asking you to make an adult beverage for me."


    "No?"


    "Nah. What she''s gonna have you make is medicinal. Like, something to help me with a chronic condition or three."


    "Oh. Oh! Well, I guess... Would you be upset if I tried to make it less awful than medicine ought be?"


    I tilted my head. "You still worried about me not wanting after any more or something?" She shrugged. I snugged her towel down with one hand, threaded the other through her hair, then pulled her snug to me, the only thing between us the towel. With our lips close enough to feel each other''s breath, I whispered, "make it taste as good as you can, because you''re gonna be tasting it right after I do." Holding her head still despite her efforts to close the tiny gap between us, I leaned over to breathe into her ear, "from my lips, on my tongue, in my mouth, if that wasn''t clear." I wrapped one leg around her and pulled her to me. "If you still want to, that is?"


    I wasn''t sure if I liked her ''eep'' when I squeezed her to me or her whine in answer to my question better. Still, smart mouthed Devorah rendered nonverbal. Win for Tabitha.


    I gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead, which prompted more whining, then spun her around and propelled her toward Marie. Who neither struggled nor complained when Devorah dropped her towel and hopped up to plant a kiss square on her mouth.


    Is she tryna make me jealous?


    Yes.


    I snorted as I started toweling Anna dry. Yeah, good luck to her with that. Jealousy''s stupid. Then I got a really awesome bad idea. Oh, hey, if you two get it on, can you give me the deets on what makes her finish hardest and fastest?


    Unfair.


    Aw, okay. I just... She''s really working me up to being some kind of huge awesome conquest in her head, and I don''t want to disappoint her, y''know?


    No idea what prompted it, but all three of my lovely ladies filled the bathroom with uproarious laughter at that point. Screw it, I made them laugh. Laughs are happy. Funny Goof for the Win.

 Day Five Hundred And Thirteen

    Dear Diary,


    "Ecstasy is euphoric,


    It will distract you from stuff,


    Make sure you don''t drink and drive."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Ecstasy


    Yeah, I think that might be the furthest toward ''careful with your Ecstasy'' I go. Okay, I might think of something else, but I''m not, like, planning on it. Even here I see people doing shit like Siobhan did, denying themselves because they think it''s for the greater good somehow. Which, yeah, sometimes it might be, but that shit gets out of hand, fast. Especially when you get people who are just sucking up money and power with no sense of satiation, counting on the people they''re sucking it from to keep tightening their belts endlessly.


    Also, I get that this is a callback to some of the warnings about Passion, but that kinda fits. People find their Ecstasy, their euphoric state, their dopamine rush and sometimes even their serotonin streams from their Passions. So the same kinds of potential problems apply. Might need to put something in about not harshing other''s joy. Freedom to waggle your elbows around ends at somebody else''s nose kind of stuff. Which ought to be common sense, but as I may have mentioned before, whether I remember it or not, common sense isn''t. At least not if you live in an society bigger than a single village where everybody knows everybody else and has all the same cultural baggage and shared history.


    It''s like the chimps and the banana ladder. I read about this in class once. English class, just in case you think I was actually using class time to study for that particular class. Honestly, I''m not sure if it was an actual experiment or a just so story, but it''s about an experiment with a cage full of chimps. You put a banana on a hook in the ceiling in the middle of the room. You put a stepladder under the banana. Whenever any chimp goes up the stepladder, you spray down all the chimps with fire hoses. Like, hard enough to knock that chimp down, hard enough to knock all the others around. You keep that up long enough, and eventually any time any chimp goes for the step ladder, the other chimps beat the living shit out of them. Once you get to that point, you replace a chimp. The new chimp is gonna go for the banana, and the other chimps are gonna beat the shit out of them. When the new chimp is fully on board with ''beat the shit out of anybody going near the ladder'', you swap out another chimp. Then another, and another, until no chimp has ever been sprayed with the fire hose, but all of them will beat the living shit out of any chimp that goes for the ladder.


    That''s what common sense is. Shit everybody in a culture believes without knowing why. And if instead of replacing one chimp at a time, you move those chimps in with chimps that haven''t been indoctrinated, there''s gonna be a war, because the other chimps are gonna be ''oh, shit, free banana, get some'', because to a chimp without that training, ''see tasty treat, get, eat'' is common sense. Where to the hosed chimps, beating the shit out of anybody going for the banana is common sense. And chimps are fully capable of going to war over shit like that.


    So I gotta make sure that if something is clear and obvious to me, I put it in the Doctrine, because Common Sense? Isn''t.


    And that''s entirely before me being from an entirely different world, y''know?


    So yesterday after bath time our curvy local Brewer decided to take Murder Mittens up on her unspoken offer. I wound up kinda surprised when I got the free full spectrum play by play, not just by the free head porn, but because I really wasn''t jealous in the slightest. Shit I wasn''t even envious, because at one point something looked kinda fun and I might have errantly thought, ooh, I wanna try that, and a few moments later I was. But honestly? Even if that hadn''t happened, I wasn''t upset. Like, it wasn''t a competition. Them being together took nothing away from me. It was just... my Murder Mittens being her best Murder Mittens self.


    Right around then I looked up into her eyes and said, "is this how you three feel about me?"


    Funny. Three months ago I''d feel some kinda way about all three of them laughing at me like that. But... It really was funny, because apparently that''s exactly how they felt about me. I mean, maybe not exactly, because I''m me and she''s her, but... the thought of either of my ladies with Devorah, or Lachlan, or anybody else did not fill me with dread. Anticipation, maybe. Surprise, like an unexpected treat. But nothing awful. All I had to do was let go of that jealousy.


    Even if jealousy was ''common sense'' back where I''d come from.


    Dreamt my now normal lovely lady food dreams. Oddly satisfying.


    All day yesterday I spent helping the ladies clear the fields around the base of our Tower Hill. As we cleared away the trees and the boulders, not to mention shifting dirt to eliminate some of the tiny hillocks those boulders had created, I realized that our little valley let out onto a broad valley running northeast to southwest. Around about noon, I pinged Saffron and thought, hey Kitten? How far out are we gonna clear? Because I don''t see most of our ladies as, y''know, farmers.


    No?


    Not really. Gardeners. Hunters, maybe. Gatherer types, sure. But I don''t see them tilling fields like that.


    They might surprise you, but... it''s a good idea to keep some portion of our lands wild. Could you find Anna and bring her to the top of the tower?


    You got it, Kitten. It took me longer than I thought it would. Unlike my ladies or Karen, I couldn''t seem to step right to Anna. Oddly enough, I managed to step to Devorah''s general vicinity. She was out with a couple Maenads and Chloe, still hunting up beehives. Anna wasn''t with them, but Chloe told me she''d been in the South House, working on the looms. After a few minutes wandering through the first floor of the House, which had been blocked off into working areas, a common area, and a big assed kitchen, I found Anna working on building a big fuckin'' loom that seemed like it would take up a big chunk of the room it was in when it was done. Like, not nearly all of it, but the thing was wide enough to do like a two yard wide tapestry. Or bolt of cloth or whatever.This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    Speaking of bolts, when I hopped Anna to the top of the tower, Saffron was there waiting with one. A bright glowing blue one, and a crossbow. Not the fancy one I''d seen at the Academy, but a nicely made plain one obviously following the same basic design. She handed the crossbow to Anna, who took it clumsily, folded a bit out from the side, and said, "move that back and forth."


    Anna proceeded to work the tension lever, pulling the crossbow''s wire ''string'' back, putting more and more tension into the stave. Eventually, she couldn''t move it, and Saffron leaned in to slip the tension level back in place. Then she laid that glowing blue bolt into the bow with a whisper of ''no showing off'', handed it back to Anna, and Shaped some Mana into what looked almost like a megaphone. "All women working outside the house, please return to the base of the tower for your own safety."


    That got them moving, although surprisingly not in any kind of panicked rush. I guess they figured if there was a clear and present danger, they''d be hearing Maenad roars and Mana Blades slicing shit up. When they''d gathered at the base of Tower Hill, she called out, "Please watch the tree line to see where this bolt lands." Then she turned to Anna. "In your own time."


    Anna blinked, but took the bow, pointed it out toward the trees, and squeezed. The bolt flew out almost too fast to see, disappearing into the trees maybe twenty feet up in the air. Saffron whispered into my brain, Do you mind encouraging them, Goof?


    Sure, I can play cheerleader.


    Still with the amplification up, she announced, "The one who finds the bolt and marks where it landed gets a kiss from the Champion!"


    As I goggled a bit at Saffron, Anna turned to her and said, "I seem to be at a bit of a handicap in that race."


    Saffron took us by the hands, stepped us down to the floor below, and asked, "I didn''t think you wanted one?" Anna shrugged. Saffron turned to me and said, "she''s right, it really isn''t fair. What do you think?"


    Now, I''d never really looked at Anna and thought ''ooh, got to get me some of that'', but in the first place, she wasn''t really unattractive, and in the second you can''t call yourself a girl kisser and not kiss girls when given a clear invitation like that. "I figure if she wants one she deserves one at least as much as whoever finds that bolt. She did fire it after all." I turned to Anna. "Well, did you want one?"


    In answer she just smiled, closed her eyes, and tilted her head back a little. I stepped up, cupped her face in my hands, and quietly said, "say the word, and it''s yours. I don''t want to do this to someone if it''s not what they want."


    "Yes, I..." I''d heard all I needed to, and gently set my lips to hers. I took my time with it, but kept it sweet and light, and she didn''t push things further than that, although after the first little bit she put her hands on my biceps, almost like she had to hold herself up. When I pulled away, she blinked a bit. "I... I half expected you to take me right here, Champion."


    "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Kiss. Besides, it''s like three in the afternoon."


    Saffron barked out a laugh. "Like that''s ever stopped you before. Or even slowed you down."


    I rolled my eyes. "Besides, along with all that stuff we talked about with Devorah still applying, Anna never said she wanted to." Suddenly suspicious, I looked back at Anna. "You... you didn''t want to, did you?"


    She smiled up at me, the smile melting into a smirk. "I hadn''t really thought about that. Not my preference, despite it being so prevalent in the hideaways. But," her hands kneaded my biceps. "Would it be too forward of me to hope you''re not completely occupied at the House''s next Revel?"


    Before I could answer, Saffron slipped a hand over one of hers. "It absolutely would not, Anna. Not that anyone can guarantee her lack of occupation. She''s a very popular choice for such things. She is, in fact, my personal favorite." When Anna tried to pull away, Saffron held her hand where it was. "I didn''t say I wouldn''t share, Anna. More accepting your compliment regarding my taste, and complimenting yours in turn."


    At that point I let my hands slip down to her shoulders, then pulled her into a hug. Saffron joined me, and before we let go I heard Murder Mittens in my head. Found it.


    Marie had not, in fact, been the one to find it. That honor went to Devorah. Of course. Whose kiss was anything but ''sweet'', despite how much she tasted of honey. Wound up having to hold her hands behind her back, and still wound up with her legs wrapped around me. Practically had to drag the thirsty wench off me before she used my abs like a kitty scratching post.


    These women keep treating me like some kind of supermodel slash action hero, I''m gonna maybe start believing it.


    Slept well. Dreamt of ladies feeding me ladies. Maybe even a few of the women showed up? Not sure, because midway through got flashes of Kraken whipping through the ocean, coming up over a cliff into sunlight, racing along the bottom as the surface came closer, running from the surface song of death, running to the Keeper.


    Woke up and shook Saffron. Kitten?


    She popped upright. Unfortunately, staring at the wall across the room from me. After shaking herself awake, she thought, Tabitha? What''s wrong?


    I fed her what I remembered of the dream. The sense of urgency, of being chased. She shuddered, but when it finished she quietly said, "I think perhaps today you should visit the Kraken who have remained with the Black Dragon."


    So I spent today first getting ready, dressing up in my Holy Garb of Loki, then hopping down to the deck of the Black Dragon, then, after psyching myself up, hopping in the water. Discovered that my need to breathe is less need and more habit. Discovered that my Kraken are not, in fact, Octopi or Squid or Cuttlefish, but Octopi and Squid and Cuttlefish and even some Cephalopods that didn''t look quite like any of those. Discovered that despite being more touchy feely huggy than the Homestead women after I''ve been gone a few days, the Kraken are not exactly loquacious. By sometime in the late afternoon, the only word I''d heard, and by then I''d heard it so many times it had gone from sounding like a word, to a name, to a not-even-a-word, and back again?


    Chosen. Over and over, each one who touched me, the big ones who handed me around like a plushie, the little ones who writhed around my hands and feet and even a few who came up to look me right in the eye and whisper, every one of them whispered that to me as they touched me. Chosen. With their minds. With their motions. With the patterns that rippled across their skins.


    Then, late in the day, as the sun approached the horizon, I finally got the bright idea to Mimic one of the biggest ones there, one of the ones that didn''t quite seem quite Octopus or Squid or Cuttlefish. Man, I did not know that cephalopods could squee. At that point, though, I finally had all the right body parts to ask the question I''d been trying to figure out how to ask. Sort of. Keeper?


    A kind of hush rippled through them, but more like I''d said something profound than, y''know, farted. The hush rippled out, then the word rippled back to me, echoing through the crowd that had gathered around me, and with those echoes came images. Wooden planks. Iron chains. A heavy looking wooden box chained to the sandy bed of a river. I reached out to Saffron, sharing the image with her. Kitten?


    I know where that is, love. Take your time, say your farewells, we will rendezvous with your Kraken scouts on the morrow.

 Day Five Hundred And Fourteen

    Dear Diary,


    "Don''t block others'' Ecstasy,


    We''re all different people,


    With our own euphoria."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Ecstasy


    Yeah, definitely need to put some of this in here. Like, so long as it''s not hurting anybody else, people need to take a step back and just say, ''not my fetish, but good on you for finding your joy''. Yeah, I get it, seeing somebody else floating around in an orgasmic haze when a person''s in pain can maybe make them jealous, but I''ve said it before and said it again, jealousy is fuckin'' stupid. I might even go so far as to say it''s clearly one hundred percent vice in the whole ''virtue versus vice'' sorting.


    Which is weird to me to think that. I grew up being taught that jealousy was, like, integral to love. Like if I was okay with my partner being happy for a reason other than me, I didn''t really love them. Or if they found any tiny bit of happiness anywhere but me, they didn''t really love me. Like what the kind of fucked up bullshit is that? Seriously, I am not a game console. I cannot emulate a game console. I cannot run Stardew Valley or Doom Eternal, both of which contain so much pure happiness they''re like fuckin'' endorphin mines. Shit, I can''t even run classic Doom, and that shit runs on refrigerators and fancy pregnancy tests. So I am and always was perfectly okay when my dopamine seeking partner rolled his sweaty ass off of me and hopped on the console. I mean, as long as he left me the good controller if we were at my house. Home field advantage and all that good shit. Of course, they usually did, because my good controller was wireless, and took batteries, and those always went in the vibe when I had a booty call over, because far too often they wound up the warm up act. So they''d leave me the wireless controller for when I was done. Except one notable gentleman who took over vibe duties when he finished. He got the good controller. Not only deserved it for a job well done, I wasn''t really capable of independent motion for a good half hour after.


    Before anybody says anything, good batteries are spendy.


    But yeah, jealousy is definitely a vice, and the idea that it''s central to love is just broken. Like, shit, look at Saffron. No, let''s just look at her a while.


    ...


    Yeah, makes me smile watching them move as she breathes, or sway as she walks, or best of all any kind of jiggle physics. Okay, yes, I actually like way more about her than just her tits, but holy fucking hell she''s got the finest pair it has ever been my honor and pleasure to lay eyes and hands on.


    Anyway, Saffron''s a great example, because she is absolutely so ''mine mine mine'' that she tattooed her initial on my arm, something that she reminded me of in the mirror the other night when we lay in the Bed. Thing is, Marie''s clearly part of that scar as well. Even from the beginning, even with her absolute inability to get enough of me, inexplicable as that is, she wasn''t jealous about it. I''m honestly not sure if watching her made me realize I get way more joy out of seeing her enjoy a moment with someone else than any fear of her leaving me behind.


    Fuck. I''m honestly not sure because I can''t fuckin'' remember. Damn... no, not gonna damn the fuckin'' Blessing, because Ria really did intend it as a good thing. Can''t be mad at a kid who endured a several month quarantine, followed by sheltering in place from Undead for three to six months, followed by being almost abandoned and trapped under an unexploded sixteen inch round for a week, when her first action on being rescued is spending her once in a lifetime gift to try and reward her rescuer.


    At this point I''m kinda avoiding thinking about today.


    So after the sun went down, I spent some time with my Kraken homies just chilling and vibing. Yeah, I had to get to the Keeper Box, the thought of which sent entirely unwarranted rustles in the direction of my jimmies, but that didn''t mean I had to be rude. I drifted through the crowd of Kraken with no particular direction in mind, realizing as I did that not only was I kind of, I dunno, thinking with my arms? I''m not sure how to describe it, but I had little Kraken squirming all over my arms. Not in any kind of bad way; almost like Isnomi and her sisters would do, or the women when we''d been gone a while. But somehow...


    Okay, there''s a kind of, I dunno, small talk. I''ve never been good at that shit. But I looked it up once when I got really fuckin'' bored sitting in the library cutting Gym, because I was allergic to exercise, and it''s called ''phatic communication''. It''s where you say shit not to actually express an opinion, or convey information, but just to like, say, ''hi, I am a human, I see you are a human too, now it is your turn to affirm your humanness and recognize mine''. I dunno, I never really got it. Like, tell me something to grind my gears or put your mouth to better use, my dude.


    But that''s what those little Kraken were doing, just making phatic... not noises. Colors and patterns and motions. And my arms were doing that shit back, without me consciously doing any of it. Weird as fuck to describe, weirder to experience. But not really upsetting, because I could tell that all those little Kraken were absolutely jazzed about being acknowledged. Not just, y''know, acknowledged by a big Kraken, but specifically acknowledged by me. By Mimic. By the Chosen. Which... all boiled down to me. So fuckin'' weird that it took a host of mixed cephalopods to really get me to understand my own celebrity. Which, y''know, explained a lot of how the women at the Homestead treated my attention. Or explained it in a way that made sense to me.


    Eventually, I''m not sure exactly how long after sunset, I got the feeling that nobody would feel snubbed if I had to go, so I motion-imaged them all, must go.


    The weirdest thing happened; starting with the big ones, they all slipped away from me. Not, like, super far away, just maybe conversational distance, where before they''d absolutely been all about getting up in my personal space. The littlest ones left last, and I got a definite sense of some of them hoping I wouldn''t notice them tagging along, but I had no idea if they would be safe wherever the Keeper Box was, so I waited until they''d all disembarked and moved back with their larger kin. I realized right then that they''d left three gaps in the circle around me; one to the north, one to the south, and one to the west. Didn''t take much to realize that those were basically the directions I could swim for any distance, with north being further up the bay, west being up the river toward Calverton, and south being down toward the open ocean.A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    I thought to Saffron, you at the Box place?


    A few moments later she thought back, I am now. Oh. Please hurry, love?


    I shot my adoring Kraken fans the motion-image of a cocky Kraken grin, and Translocated to my Kitten.


    I guess I didn''t really realize how big I''d gotten as a Kraken, because I certainly didn''t expect her to be, like, smaller overall than my eyeball. Wait, I couldn''t remember if cephalopods had proper eyeballs, or just, y''know, non-ball eyes. Of course, her eyes got real big when I arrived, and they hadn''t exactly been copacetic calm before then. I realized why when a whole shoal of Humboldt squid rushed around me, whipping around as soon as they passed me to realign on her. I scooped her up, curling one arm around her and pulling her to me while simultaneously motion-imaging, OI! at the Humboldt shoal.


    For those not familiar with them, Humboldt squid, which I''d done a report on back in my Bio class, are what happened when cephalopods heard about wolves and piranha and, with all the enthusiasm and restraint of a typical twelve year old edge lord, thought ''omigod, so cool, let''s make one of those'', and when everybody else in the ocean asked ''which one'', they said, ''YES!'' Like, seriously, they move in shoals like a wolf pack, and when they find something edible they go through it like piranha. Like one minute you''re a cod, just chillin'' with your cod homies, swimming along without a care in the world, and the next moment you''re so much squid poop gently wafting toward the ocean floor. Just to be clear, each of them was, on average, a little bigger than my Kitten.


    Fortunately, for whatever reason they did not immediately look at me and think nom. Strange for Humboldt squid, they came to a dead stop, all of them turning just a bit to get a look at me. One of them, a little braver than the rest, maybe, drifted forward a bit. Keeper?


    Before I could respond, another bigger one drifted in from the second layer of the shoal. Along with goosing the brave boi with a tentacle in what looked way too much like a smack on the back of the head not to be, the bigger squid motion-imaged, Chosen.


    I definitely felt like a single big badass facing down a whole fuckin'' motorcycle gang at that point. And I am not talking about the clubs who get together to ride and do charity shit, either, but one of the ones that absolutely refers to themselves as a gang, the kind that the cops lock their doors when they roll by. Kitten? What''s up with the Keeper thing?


    Love? I... did not expect you in the form of a Kraken.


    Yeah. Helped more than a little communicating with the other Kraken down in the Bay.


    I suspect it would. However, while it is absolutely your right to do with me as you wish, both as my Goddess and my wife, might I suggest now is neither the best time to eat me or, ah, insert me into whatever opening that is?


    I realized right then that I had, in fact, been kinda gently nibbling at her. Not, like, actually biting or shit, but the kind of thing you''d do with one of those scented pieces of foam rubber, where it tastes awful but smells so fuckin'' good. Oh, shit. Sorry, Kitten. I pulled her back up next to my eye and held her there carefully as I turned to the big Humboldt. My mate.


    I definitely got the idea that his next look was the Kraken equivalent of not saying, ''holy shit the Chosen is a furry''. But after that he just kinda did a Kraken nod and replied, your mate.


    Can you swim?


    Well enough, love.


    Stay near me. I let her go, and she swam down and snuggled in under me. Felt really fuckin'' weird, and gave me definite ''let''s take this back to the Bed''s room'' impulses, but I had shit to do. It took me a bit to figure out how to express what I wanted to say, but the Humboldt all kinda hovered there, waiting patiently. Surface song of death. Show me.


    The boss Humboldt looked at the brave one and motion-imaged, show her.


    The brave boi did not look anything like brave as he scooted forward, tentacles stretching out, barely able to stretch far enough to slip one into my siphon and one into my mouth. I got a little anxious as he got maybe a little close to Saffron, but the moment his tentacles got where he apparently wanted them, he froze.


    I think he''s waiting for you to do the same, love.


    I reached down, gently slipping tentacles that really shouldn''t have fit into his siphon and mouth. the siphon one barely fit, occluding it totally. The moment I wriggled one through his beak and into his throat...


    We looked up at profiles carving through the waves on the surface. Tasty air breathers rode in their wake, and the shoal angled toward them as one. Before we''d taken half the pod, something aboard the stiff dead surface fish sang death, and vast swathes of the shoal floundered, then sank. We dove, fleeing the pod and the song of death alike. When we no longer heard that song, we turned on the foolish of the pod and our own dead. Vengeance and recovery, both filled our bellies and minds. The stiff surface fish carried the song of death toward the Chosen. We had to tell the Chosen. Had to tell the Keeper. We...


    The image, the memory, ended abruptly. My brave boi convulsed, ink spurting out of him. His beak twitched, trying to sever my tentacle, but without any strength behind it. Then, achingly slowly, he went still. Utterly, completely still. I have no idea why, maybe some kind of instinct, maybe the memory he''d fed me taking hold, but I sucked him in, my beak turning him to so many spaghetti strands as I did. A few seconds later he was gone, and I blinked as my shoal surrounded me, swirling, sidling up not unlike the Kraken in the Bay. I felt more than saw an exchange beneath me, where one of them sidled up a little too close to Saffron, only for the big guy to smack him. Hers.


    Ours?


    The big Humboldt slipped an arm up the other one''s mouth, and I got the impression it wasn''t that different from sticking fingers up somebody''s nose and pulling. Hers.


    The littler guy backed off fast. Hers.


    At that point, letting them get their touchy feely time with the Chosen in, I idly wondered to Saffron, where''s the Keeper''s Box?


    I believe you destroyed it, love.


    Shit. What happened to the Keeper?


    I do not know.


    At that point a... not a voice. Something else. Something I might not have recognized as communication before speaking with the Kraken, if I weren''t one myself. Something between a voice and a motion-image whispered into my brain. I do. Return when the Hunters leave, and I will tell you.


    What? Who? Kitten?


    I... I heard an echo. Not unlike what the Kraken told you. But only that.


    I didn''t hear anything else after that. Well, nothing from whoever had pinged my brain. Just more ongoing phatic communication with the Humboldt shoal. My shoal now, apparently. Eventually, when the sun neared the horizon, they stirred. Hunt?


    I concentrated, then with the most polite motion-image I could, sent back, Cannot. Duty. Go. Hunt.


    Moments later, they were gone.


    Love?


    Yeah, Kitten?


    She shot me a little mental throat clearing noise, at which point I realized I had her in my siphon to the knees. Head first. Because very urgent reasons.


    Oh. Shit. Um... I pulled her out, held her in front of me. Boy, please?


    The next instant he floated there next to me. Of course. Why?


    All in one urgent not really motion, I shapeshifted myself back to myself, teleported us to the Bed''s room, and banished his dress and panties. "Because I desperately need to get as much of you inside me as possible right the fuck now."

 Day Five Hundred And Fifteen

    Dear Diary,


    "Allow yourself to enjoy,


    Whatever makes you happy.


    Ecstasy''s where you find it."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Ecstasy


    Along with folks not harshing other people''s happy, I gotta remember that the whole puritan ''joy is for closers'' bullshit is older than fuckin'' dirt. Like, yeah, the modern refined versions are hard to spot sometimes. But there have been varieties of Prosperity Doctrine telling people if they don''t hit some arbitrary externally imposed victory conditions, they''re not worthy of happiness since the evolution of rational thought. Seriously, how many of us do it to ourselves, whether it''s ''save the best for last'', when you never actually get to that ''last'', or ''I''ll take a break when I''m all caught up'', or any of the other million things we tell ourselves to convince ourselves that it''s okay that life is shit, because we deserve it.


    That''s all tied in with the guilt people feel when they hit those moments of pure bliss. Especially since so many of them are physical, carnal in nature. Sure, I get it, not every moment of Ecstasy has to be prompted by pushing the love button. But just looking at how it works in the absence of all the shit we surround ourselves with. Like, put us back in the African forests hunting and gathering. Engage in the act of propagating the next generation? Bam, Dopamine euphoria. Snuggle up long enough with the next generation? Bam, Oxytocin euphoria. Get everybody fed and healthy? Bam, Serotonin euphoria. I mean, yeah, some of us aren''t wired like that, and I''m sure if I thought about it long enough I''d get confused and bored and wander off, but if I asked Saffron to think about it for half a morning she''d have, like, a list of reasons why each of us with weird neurotransmitter triggers are getting rewarded for doing something good for the tribe, or the species, or whatever.


    It''s like the diurnal, nocturnal thing. Some of us are the descendants of the ones who stayed up late making sure nothing snuck up on the tribe. No ''oh, you''re bad because you''re not up at the ass crack of dawn'' bullshit. Just ''hey, we''re up, get some sleep, we''ll save some berries for you.''. Shit, if there weren''t as many night time people as day time people, maybe that''s where the whole ''people who don''t like to be constantly chattering to the other apes'' comes from. Holy fuck, did I actually learn shit while I was in class here in Phileo? Would I have learned shit if I''d gone to class for reasons other than fucking with the teachers on the regular?


    Before you ask, I never did. Actually fuck with a teacher. Not for lack of trying, but when you don''t pay them shit and they''re spending half of that lack of shit on classroom supplies, then you act like they''re somehow at fault for the economic devastation in the neighborhood? The only peeps you get to put on the tie and stand up front with the chalk are the too desperate to risk anything and the too deeply driven to help to potentially hurt some poor dumb bitch who''s just trying to prove how nasty everybody else is.


    I wonder if normal, non-isekaied people come to these kind of realizations at some point. Like, do edgelords ever realize shit like, ''I just wanted to be special'' rather than ''omg I was so cringe''?


    Yeah, definitely felt special yesterday. For those who didn''t study cephalopod biology in High School bio, uh... ''sexual dimorphism'', especially as regards to size, plus ''positioning'', like in the sense that the boy Kraken just being in a particular spot makes the girl Kraken all hot and bothered. Totally did not realize while dealing with my new Squid Gang, but apparently in an effort to get herself out of the line of fire, my Kitten found those buttons, set herself, and jumped up and down on them. Which, by the time the Humboldt shoal left meant that one of my arms decided it was time to insert Saffron A in Tab I. Fortunately my lovely Kitten is not against the idea of shapeshifted shenanigans in any way, shape, or form, so other than roping Marie and Siobhan into our little Revel when they came looking for us, no harm, no foul. Okay, I think Karen showed and left pretty quick, because she''d been offered a very pointed invitation.


    Look, I have a hard enough time controlling my own impulses, and I''ve been working on that shit for over a decade. Whole new fuckin'' weird Kraken impulses? I have no defense against those. ''Fuck or fuck off'' was absolutely the best I could do at that moment. I apologized for screaming it into her brain as soon as the funky Kraken love juice wore off.


    Interesting points about the Kraken, both in general and the big beastie that I shapeshifted into. Just in general, I definitely got the idea that the whole ''distributed intelligence'' thing is weirder to experience for a ''my brain goes in my singular brain hole'' type person than I might have thought previously. Beyond that, I''m not sure exactly what Kraken are, because they do not quite fit as Squid or Octopi or Cuttlefish. Like, the biggest commonality with cuttlefish, maybe the only one, is the sheer amount of pure flex skin color shit they could do. Not just like, camouflage like octopi or some squid, but all that rippling, rainbow, ''I''m pretty sure Saffron could figure out how to show live high def video on her side if she were one'' level of chromatophores. Eight arms, and I''m talking big hefty motherfuckers like an octopus. At least a dozen tentacles of wildly varying sizes; like a half dozen small ones near the beak, a couple about as long as the arms, and then another half dozen really long fuckers. Definitely a full beak, strong enough to spaghettify the hard parts of poor brave boi.


    Still a little weirded out at how the rest of the shoal just took that shit in stride. Like, I ask for some info, and they offer up their bravest for that weird Kraken mind meld, he dies, I eat him, and suddenly I''m part of their tribe.If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    So after aforementioned Kraken Love Juice left my brain, the four of us headed back for bath time. Had some fun flirting with Devorah while the ladies smirked at her. Best part had to be when Siobhan, who since Devorah was pretty much second to last of the women to go through the bath, leaving Siobhan at loose ends, wandered over to drape herself over me while I dried Devorah. I don''t remember exactly what Dev said, something about having ''done this dance before'', which set Siobhan to laughing.


    Devorah gave her a booger look, and Siobhan, through her ongoing giggles, said, "oh, please forgive me. I''m certain you have, but... wait, have you had an experience that ground your mind down to powder, mixed that powder with essence of pure Ecstasy, leavened it with fear and lust and unbridled Passion, then poured it back into you through every opening on your body?"


    Dev just stared at her blankly for a second. "Well. I have had orgasms before."


    I couldn''t see Siobhan''s face, but something told me she had the wide, innocent eyes of the nicer kind of zealot. "They''re great, aren''t they! How many at once?"


    "I''ve, ah, never had a partner who really had the kind of stamina to... ah..."


    "Oh, no, no, no, not how many in a session. I''m fairly certain I''d need to count on my fingers by the end of one, and I don''t have enough fingers for that. No, I meant how many at the exact same time?" The most hilarious part to me was that my sweet Ice Pop was definitely not being sarcastic, or ironic, or any kind of nasty. She absolutely wanted someone to geek out about over her recently discovered favorite hobby.


    Meanwhile Dev blinked. shook her head, blinked again, and said, "you... that... really?"


    Siobhan, who''d leaned over me far enough I could see the side of her face by now, nodded, biting her lip, eyes wide with unfeigned delight. Then she half turned to me. "Champion... Mistress. May your Concubine assist you?" I opened my mouth to answer, and she interrupted with, "with Devorah. After?"


    While Dev giggled like she''d just realized exactly what she''d gotten herself into, I smiled at my eager Ice Pop and said, "three conditions."


    "Name them!"


    "First and most importantly, Devorah''s got to Consent to that. No coercion, either."


    "Bribery?"


    I laughed. "Oh, shit, bribery''s fine. Dev wants to put a price on herself, that''s her business. Second condition, you ask me properly."


    "Please may I assist you with Devorah after, Champion?" I gave her a little side eye. "Mistress?" I frowned just slightly. "Tabitha?"


    I smiled. "If she''s okay with it? I''m not against the idea. Sliding an Ice Pop in during is kinky, not unpleasant."


    "What''s the third condition then?"


    I gave Devorah a peck on the forehead, then spun her around and boosted her toward Marie. "Convince me with a kiss?"


    She did. Thirteen out of ten for eagerness. Had to knock it off and send her off to Saffron when Anna ambled over to us, but consider me convinced.


    Mimic dreamt of our ladies languidly shoving each other''s foodstuff selves into the maw. All except Karen, who''d got herself a little turret that alternated between cinnamon whiskey, which she used to liberally hose down all my ladies, prompting hilarity when it steamed off them, and beans, which she used to pelt the foodstuff ladies apart in my maw. Also, slightly odd, dreamt of cruising south down the coast as we nommed all the things that didn''t move fast enough.


    In the morning, after we got everybody working on the Homestead, asked Saffron when she thought we ought to return to talk to the Keeper. "Are the lesser Kraken, the hunters, gone?"


    "Yeah. Pretty sure they''re a ways down the coast by now. Norfolk at least."


    She nodded. "I''m overseeing a few things directly here, and have a few items to take care of, but shall we go there after lunch?"


    "Sounds like a plan."


    So after lunch she hopped us down to the Aquarium. So weird. It wasn''t ''my'' aquarium, the one I remembered from Camden, but it totally was an aquarium. She walked the two of us over to some scuff marks on one of the stone walkway between the big enclosures, then pointed at one. "In there, love."


    "How''d the Humboldt get in?" She looked at me, and I said, "the squid. The hunters."


    She blinked. "I... hadn''t thought of that. Perhaps we can look while we wait?"


    We dove in, and after searching for a surprisingly short time, found an archway big enough to drive a bus through. It didn''t look like somebody''d built an arch, though, but like somebody''d carefully removed rocks until they had a big assed opening. A few rust colored lines on the ground and a whole shit ton of torn off plants hinted that it might not have been open at first, and that it had, at one point, been hidden by vegetation.


    It looks like the Kraken here was less prisoner than willing guest.


    Looks like.


    She led me back to a spot that definitely rustled my jimmies; a pile of discolored dirt, with weird rust red patterns looping around it. We settled down on a rock a dozen feet away from the edge of the patterns and waited. And waited. And waited. Something tickled at my brain, like I ought to do something, but I had no idea what.


    Then, as the sun hit the horizon, I realized. Uh, Kitten?


    Yes, love?


    I think I need to be a Kraken.


    She facepalmed. Of course. Well, go ahead.


    I... You...


    She shook her head, her hair billowing around her. Oh, no, love. You startled me, but any fear was from the pack of... Humboldt. You... I think she actually blushed. You were quite striking.


    Oh. I definitely blushed at that. Yeah, um... not just that. You... uh... yeah, that reaction was not a one time thing, I don''t think.


    Oh. She kinda deflated. I''ll go, then, if...


    NO! No, Kitten. Not that.


    Then what?


    Stay with me? As a Kraken?


    Her eyes got really big. You... Of course, love. She drifted over, put her arms around me, and kissed me.


    I shifted mid-kiss, and she shifted with me. Before I realized that the, ah, pull to mayhem was no less intense, but far less likely to result in Saffron residing permanently within my mantle, a... voice projected a motion-image and words into my head.


    Welcome back, Chosen.

 Day Five Hundred And Sixteen

    Dear Diary,


    "If you find joy in someone,


    Tell them that to share your joy,


    But do not obligate them."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Ecstasy


    This one''s definitely a can of worms, one that I''d rather leave closed and walk away from, but that''s not the mature adult thing to do when you''re responsible for shit. Like, yeah, ''not my circus, not my monkeys'' is definitely a thing. If you''re not the person ultimately responsible for shit, it might even be the right thing to do if everybody involved seems like a consenting adult and you''re not really interested in consenting to that particular activity, adult or otherwise. But in this particular case, what with me having the Domain of Ecstasy, and so many people finding their deepest source of euphoric joy in their partners or kids or whatever, it is in fact my circus, which gives me a Duty of Care to the monkeys therein.


    To start with the positive on this one, I absolutely find joy in my kids, in my partners, in Siobhan and Marie and Saffron. Oh, fuck do I ever find joy in Saffron. She is absolutely the person who makes me forget how much I''ve hated myself for so fuckin'' long. That''s not to say I don''t find joy in the others. I... don''t know what I''d do if I lost her. I mean, I try real hard not to ''lose her'' in the do something so stupid and offensive that she walks away and never comes back sense. What with literally Reviving people from death like Siobhan and I did with Devorah I don''t think I can lose her that way. But if I did? If someone some asshole Deity did something to her that meant she was gone, out of my reach forever? Other than ''turn the Deity responsible'' into the world''s largest arm bangle for my spikiest tentacle, I''m not sure what I''d do after that. I mean, I''d go on. I''ve got people who need me. I think I''d even keep trying be a better person, a better Deity, a better Mom, a better partner, just because not doing that would dishonor her memory or something. But I''m not sure how badly I''d fuck it up.


    Of course I''d fuck it up. Have you met me?


    But I''ve told her I feel that way about her, I think she feels the same way about me. Marie finds joy in caring for us, in wifing for us, it''s pretty fuckin'' clear. Gotta find the right time. Christmas, maybe? Wait, do they do that here? What else do they do then? Yule? Anyway, Siobhan clearly finds joy just being around us, being our playful little bed toy, even though we all know she''s more than that, but that''s the role that makes her happy, so we all let her play it. So the whole idea of finding joy in others, and having them find joy in us in turn, isn''t inherently a bad thing.


    But... then there are other times. Like, parasocial relationships brought out a lot of the kind of thing where a fan found joy in their chosen celebrity, but then took it a step further and, when the celebrity didn''t reciprocate, lost their goddamned minds. Like, telling somebody ''omigod, I''m your biggest fan, you bring me joy''? Well, shit, some not insignificant portion of the celebrities out there became celebrities for just that kinda feedback. Gaga even sang a song about that shit. Hell, the more honest, braver ones might even reply with ''hey, fan, I see you, your joy brings me joy'' or some shit like that. A kind of positive mutual cycle, less intimate but no less joyous than the ones I have with my fam. But then some fans take that next step and say, ''oh, hey, let''s make babies'', and while the lead singer is gonna say yes for tradition''s sake, and the bassist might do so out of the sheer novelty of being asked, not every person on the stage wants to get with a groupie. Plenty of them are not socialized well enough to say ''oh, hey, thanks, flattered, but my doctor put me on a no-groupie diet'' or some slick anti-rizz like that. Some fans lose their shit right there. Others are like, ''cool, no problem, just wanted to let you know that my vajayjay is open any time should you have need of one, I''ll be cheering from the stands''. Even with the groupies who get their fill of Jagger''s baby batter, where the healthy ones might cling to that shit like a polaroid or a really hot stripper''s panties, a sleazy yet fun memory to be take out and embarrass your grandkids with, some of them start making wedding plans. Again, if you''ve got that good grippy grippy in the v, maybe you''ll get them to charter a flight to Vegas, and maybe all that shit will work out, but more likely they''re gonna give you the rest of the vodka, and you''re gonna wake up in the motel room alone.


    So yeah, I gotta put something in there that while being ecstatic about somebody else just, y''know, being can be cool, and letting them know in a non-possessive way can make somebody''s whole day, it will not in fact always make their hole weak to penetration. So, y''know, Joy? Good. Honesty? Good. Shared joy? Great! Treating people like property, even well loved property? Bad.


    Speaking of sharing joy, definitely got some urges in the direction of some very physical joy sharing as the sun went down on yesterday. Then the wife and I got interrupted by a very quiet, nebbishy mental voice welcoming me back. Which is really weird, since I didn''t think they were referring to our visit yesterday.


    Hello? I sent back, since I saw, like, nobody except Saffron anywhere nearby.


    Then a lump of dirty rock on the far side of the weird pattered dirt from us unfolded into a very familiar Octopus, one I''d last seen minutes before the shooting started at the Aquarium. Chosen.


    Dude! Long time no see! How you been? Along with the mental words and the motion-imagery, I sent memories, images of the octopus enclosure at the Camden Aquarium. I realized right then that if I''d aligned myself right, the pile of dirt and looping red lines sat just about where the big fake treasure chest had been in the octopus enclosure. Always seemed kinda cheesy to me, but I figured it was a spot the octo could hide if she wanted, or maybe some kind of shell hiding monitoring stuff, or some other kind of way of disguising something necessary but not picturesque.


    I got back something not entirely unlike a chuckle. I also realized that my little octopus buddy was somewhere between ''nervous'' and ''scared shitless''. Forgive me, Chosen, but that was not me. I... met you here, when the Dragon attacked.


    You. You were the smaller Kraken who accompanied Tabitha... who led the Chosen to the Dragon attacking the Aquarium! Trust my Kitten to help out when my fucked up, fucked with memory failed.


    I am that one.


    Keeper? I asked.


    The little guy... gal? Wriggled, spun, like she didn''t know what to do with her arms. No! No, no, no, not... well... They slumped, I guess. She... The Keeper is gone. I was her... apprentice? Caretaker? Servant?The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    Friend? The octopus shrugged. Which is a pretty strong expression when you''re made of shoulder. So... you were here that day. Was she?


    That... they slumped. That was her final act. Her finest moment.


    Can you show me?


    I... they shuddered. I can.


    Will you?


    Must I?


    I stopped. Thought for half a second. Shit. You could show me, but what happened with the Humboldt... with the Hunter will happen?


    It is... possible. Likely, even.


    I could try to be gentle?


    I... I''m sure you would. But it''s not that. You''re so... large.


    That threw me for a second. So... if I were littler, you''d be less scared?


    Of course, but... They stopped talking as I focused on my shapeshifty bits and just... shrank. Littler, littler, until I was maybe twice the size of the octopus in front of me. Is this okay?


    All of their arms had gone limp, and just kinda dangled to the bed of the enclosure. You... would lessen yourself for me?


    I want to know what happened to the Keeper. I don''t want to hurt you. So... mini-me. I jetted over, just outside of tentacle reach, and lifted two tentacles. I would like you to show me, if you can do safetly.


    They extended two arms. One went into my siphon, just in enough to say it was there. The other slipped into my mouth, sliding in until it felt just a little weird. I reciprocated, my tentacle slipping into their siphon, which felt really nice in a lubricated love tunnel kind of way, the other sliding into their mouth until...


    The Keeper and I sang the Song of Impending Loss, the song every Kraken, True or not, knows from birth, the song our mothers sing to us, with us, the song of the end of giving, the song of receiving the final gifts. Her charge, which would never be my charge, because her life was, after seasons, after lifetimes, after eons, finally coming to its long, painful end. So we mourned, cradling our charge in our arms, enduring the faint burn of the chains binding her, ignoring the subtle poison of the wood enclosing her, ignoring everything but the faint song we knew could not reach her. But sometimes, the Keeper had told me, one does what one does not for others, but because we hope that someone would do the same for us were the situation reversed.


    So we sang, and sang, and sang. The Song of Impending Loss is long, as one might expect, and has no proper ending. It ends when our mothers do, as is right and proper, and we sing it once more when we become mothers ourselves. I knew not how the Keeper knew her charge yet lived, so I sang while she did, as long as she did, though that might break me, because while I might not be a True Kraken, I was the Keeper''s companion, and I would accompany and support her or die trying.


    Her voice stuttered, slipped. Went silent. Then she gasped out, she didn''t... Then she turned to me, imperious and beautiful as she drew in every ounce of power available to her. Guard me. Let none near. Let none interrupt. Should any try, end them.


    I shall end them or die trying!


    No excuses, little one. End. Them. She turned back to the mighty chest, bigger than I was by far, and assaulted it. The chest she''d been set to watch over, to guard, and she attacked it with the berserk frenzy of an entire shoal of Hunters. Tentacles and arms both ignoring the burn of the chains to shake them, to rattle them, to loosen them just the barest margin. She wrapped herself around it hammered her beak into the gap. I longed to help, to make a difference, but her words drove me. I circled the Keeper and the box as she tore into it. Just as it seemed she might be succeeding, that there might be the slightest gap, something above the surface of the water exploded. Surface people screamed, screamed so loud I heard it even here in the depths, and something roared rage and defiance and hunger. I sucked in, preparing to spend my life ending whatever it was...


    Power. Power blasted through the water. Power enough to stun me, leave me jetting in a small, stunned circle, the Keeper and her box sliding through my field of view. Power that had only just caught me in its edges. She glowed as she shoved her beak into that gap, her thinnest tentacles writhing in an attempt to get inside before... before... She slowed, stilled, the glow disappearing.


    Something floated away from her, away from the box. I darted in to see what it was. A body. Maybe the screaming surface dweller. I looked into its eyes... I lost myself in its eyes, so like my own. Identical to my own. Just like the thing floating in my arms. I stared, not understanding, but I reached out and touched my fellow. Come! We must defend the Keeper!


    I found the Dragon. I attacked it with all my might. All for naught. Then, just before I succumbed, she was there. Larger than a True Kraken, shaped like me, and so full of rage as to be incoherent. Where I''d barely inconvenienced it, she...She demolished it. Shattering its limbs, squeezing it until it burst, then crushing it to a pulp and burying it beneath the silt at the bottom. Then, with a rush of power, she was one of the surface people again. Entirely out of her element, bubbles flowing from her mouth. I had no idea how to help her, but I knew surface people needed to be on the surface, and she was sinking. I grabbed her, jetted for the surface, and flung her to the shore. I saw others there moving about, helping the fallen. I''d done what I could.


    I rushed back to the Keeper, still frozen as she embraced the box. I reached out, hoping that maybe I could wake her gently.


    The moment the tip of my arm brushed against her, she fell apart. Starting with the point I''d brushed, she sifted away in the current, fading to dust as I watched. Her bones, falling away from her disintegrating flesh, fragmented when they hit the riverbed. Within seconds, only her beak remained, wedged between the box and its lid, holding that thin crack open. Deep within the box, something moved.


    I... didn''t know what to do. I settled in to watch, to stop any who might interrupt the Keeper. I didn''t know what to do, so I sang the Song of Impending Loss...


    I slipped away, blinking, as the vision from the little octopus faded. I was reminded right then that the ''little'' octopus had to be at least twice the size of the Humboldt squid. Still half my size, and I''d shrunk myself down to less than half of what I''d started at. What happened to the chest?


    They blinked. Y... you. You returned, Chosen, and finished what the Keeper started. Destroyed the trap imprisoning you, freeing your greater self. Beginning the Song of Impending Loss of All Worlds.


    That did not leave me copacetic, but that wasn''t this guy''s fault. Why did you stay?


    I... I still guard this place, as my Keeper bid me to. I guard the memory. I sing the Song of Impending Loss. I... They paused, and I waited, doing my best to project comfort, calm, acceptance. After so long, I am home here.


    You want to stay here?


    I... I should find something else to do. The Keeper is gone.


    I knew what I wanted to do. I just didn''t know how. Kitten?


    Of course, love. She reached out, reached through me, and touched the little one hovering beside me. As one, she and I grew. She shifted, writhing, until we three Kraken all hovered there above the final resting place of one of our own, buried in the remains of Mimic''s prison.


    No. She''s not. I reached out, stroked her mantle gently. Someone very special gave herself, body and soul, to save me, to free me. You greeted me here. This place is special... is holy to me. This is your task, Keeper. Any may enter. Any may look. Any with ears to hear may listen to your tale. Save I say otherwise, none may touch.


    If they do?


    Warn them well before they do. If they touch without intent, eject them. If they try to touch with intent? End them.


    With that, I wrapped my arm around Saffron and teleported us back to the Bay, then jetted us away toward the open ocean until we had some privacy.


    Love?


    Yeah. Um... You wanna?


    She writhed toward me, tentacles wrapping around and arms slipping into surprising places. Or maybe the other way around. I thought you''d never ask.


    Yay!

 Day Five Hundred And Seventeen

    Dear Diary,


    "If someone finds joy in you,


    Take that as a compliment,


    But you do not owe them yours."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Ecstasy


    Yeah, this is kind of the flip side of yesterday. If you''re in that position of celebrity, you gotta accept that you''re gonna be some people''s whole reason for being. Which, if you never intended to be a celebrity, but sorta wound up one, that really sucks, but just like if you never intended to give birth to a neruospicy hellspawn, but one popped out your hoo hah, now you gotta step up and be the best parent you can. Like, if you involuntarily wound up the focus of a cult or some shit, and that is not your thing, you don''t have to encourage them or show up at their cult meetings or whatever, but if all they''re doing is sending you fan mail, putting up a sign out front of your house that says ''thanks for all the fan mail, can''t reply to all of it, gotta pay rent'' isn''t too big an ask, I don''t think. Or, y''know, putting that up as the header on your Facebook page or whatever,


    I mean, if you then start getting letters full of cash, enough to actually pay all your bills, it might just be worthwhile to become a full time writer of thank you notes. Or at least take some PTO and write those notes, because that''s just polite. If you set out to become some kind of celebrity, like a streamer, musician or, I dunno, actor or something, and you go viral and people are paying you for used underwear and bath water, be minimally polite. Doing otherwise is just stupid. Unless your whole thing is being the bitchy mean kind of Domme or something? I guess some people like that kind of thing. Doesn''t seem healthy to me, but I am not exactly an exemplar of mental health. Literally a Goddess of Bloodlust who pals around with the God of Divine Madness. I get that I''m a Moral Compass because, y''know, Deity, but Moral Compass and Mentally Healthy are not the same thing, no matter how much I wish they were.


    Of course, just because the right thing to do when someone says, ''you bring joy to my life'' is, at a minimum, even if you don''t like them that way, say, ''thank you, I didn''t do it for that reason, but I''m glad somebody''s getting some happiness here'' or some shit like that, that does not mean you gotta rewrite your whole persona just to fit that person''s idea of you. Fuck, you ain''t gotta change jack shit even if an entire fuckin'' religion says you''re their messiah and they''re all gonna off themselves if you don''t. Like, fuck, that would be so fucked up. I can also see certain types of assholes engineering shit like that. So, yeah, polite acknowledgement, but nothing more than that, at least not according to me, and I''m the Deity writing the book.


    So yeah, yesterday Saffron and I explored the southern part of the Chesapeake Bay. Not to mention what Kraken sex is like. I dunno if she''s studied Kraken, or a lot of it was instinctual, Kraken are just naturally nasty like that, or we totally fucked everything up in ways that would have healthy normal Kraken hiding their eyes and screaming ''you crazy motherfuckers that doesn''t go there!'', but holy shit that was some freaky tentacled wackiness. Sixteen arms each, lots of openings, some of which might not have been there when we started, or maybe we just got way rougher than we should have. I know at one point it felt like she was tickling my brain, and I''m pretty sure she found the pleasure centers thereof and dropped a Stabilize on me at one point. There might have been some mutual extremity consumption. I''m honestly, seriously, really not sure, because after one particularly intense exchange of intense mutually mind blowing mantle penetration, we both kinda came to laying on the Bed.


    Weirdest part for me was that even after going at it with a literally inhuman number of limbs and orifices for the better part of the day, our first reaction was some really intense tonsil hockey, followed by Saffron taking charge and recreating our first encounter for my benefit. Like, clumsy passionate intense awesomeness. I''m not gonna say ''when we finished'', because I kept asking for and she kept providing encores, but eventually she laughed and said, "we need to get back for bath time".


    "Aw, c''mon, do we really need a..." At that point I actually kinda inhaled through my nose, and realized that we did, in fact, smell like we''d rolled in the silt at the bottom of the Bay for hours on end, literally grinding it into every opening on our bodies. That thought and smell was almost enough to harsh my happy, but.... almost. Nothing could really break that level of happiness.


    Of course, when we arrived at the bath room everybody, kids included, took a long step back. "Why don''t you two go first?" asked Siobhan.


    "Yes." announced Marie, who then stepped away, stepped back with some gray powder and long handled brushes, and proceeded to scrub us clean, douse us, empty the tub and scrub it clean while we dried off, then burn the brushes.


    As I took my time making sure her magnificent mammaries were, in fact, as dry as it was possible to get them with a towel, Saffron looked at Marie and said, "oh, please. It''s not like we were coated in Hole Spawn offal."


    "Bay?"


    "Well, yes, but..."


    "Precautionary."


    And that was that. We''d been away a bit, especially me, so the rest of the women took a little time reassuring themselves we''d come back intact and everything. With my new understanding of my whole ''celebrity they''d based their world and future plans on'' status, I couldn''t bring myself to begrudge them each their time. Y''know, it kinda went past that. I wasn''t just tolerating it. I leaned into it. Not in a bad way. Not, like, forcing them into anything. But greeting each of them by name, poking Saffron for them when I didn''t remember. Talking about what they''d done over the past couple, but not in a ''checking up'' kind of way. More just letting them know that I cared about them, personally. Because I did.Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.


    Yeah, the whole ''don''t remember all their names'' thing sounds weird next to that, but I didn''t know them all by name. I knew the blacksmith, the three Actual Lumberjacks, which included the muscly one, the strongwoman one, and the skinny angry one. I knew the Woodworkers who''d gone logging with them, the big furniture maker, the little furniture maker, the paneling maker, and the one who did little decorative shit. After a month or more of working with them, beside them, near them, I knew them. I just... didn''t know their names.


    So weird. Also so weird that I didn''t know if that was because of the Blessing or because I just never had a chance to learn their names before. Like, apparently I''m spending more nights away than I used to, but I''m actually doing less crazy dangerous shit, less shit that left me with zero energy for the kind of quiet socializing we did this evening.


    Chicken tendies on waffles for dinner. Win!


    Dreamt of the ladies dressing Dumpling Saffron up in a big fancy dress made of dumpling bits, then lowering her into the maw to Pomp and Circumstance. Shit. Now I''m wondering if they have that tune here, or it came from my own subconscious. Also, while I know that technically I''m an Academy graduate, or might as well be, I don''t remember ever hearing Pomp and Circumstance like, at an actual formal occasion centered on me, or a group of people I''m a part of.


    I wonder if she''d mind if we played that at our wedding. Like, okay, I get it, Bridal Chorus as she comes in, but maybe Pomp and Circumstance as we leave? Maybe? Please? Shit, I''m begging my own Diary when I need to be begging Saffron and Marie for this. Fuck, Marie, really. She''s the one marrying into our existing marriage, so she''s the bride, right? Wait, are we all brides? Do we all wear bridal dresses?


    Saffron!


    Woke to her stroking my hair before she ever really woke up. We did not, in fact, have any music at our wedding. It was very informal. But if you want music, my love? There will be music.


    Yes.


    "I love you two."


    "What about me?" faux-complained Siobhan.


    I felt Saffron grinning as she glomped herself around Siobhan, pushing Ice Pop''s face down into my wife''s incredible cleavage. "Oh, no! Our Concubine is feeling unloved! Aid me, Wife! Aid me, Fianc¨¦!" So we wrapped ourselves around her and snuggled Siobhan until everybody else was up and ready to go.


    Spent the day watching over the construction from atop the tower. Kinda weird, felt almost like I''d done something like this before. Also felt weird when Murder Mittens showed up mid morning and dropped off a pair of antique spotter''s binocs. Made it so I could get at least something of a close look at everybody doing their thing, which meant I stopped getting all worked up whenever anybody stopped moving for more than a second. Don''t get the wrong idea, I wasn''t pissed, I was worried they''d gotten hurt or some shit. With the binoculars I got to glance down and see that yeah, they had all their limbs and their precious bodily fluids hadn''t leaked out through superfluous holes. They were just taking a quick break, or a nap, or whatever.


    Saffron stayed up there with me. Well, one of her, I think she had a Grand Council meeting to go to, and another of her working on how to un-Bless me. But around lunch we had a bit of a chat.


    "So. What do we know about whatever''s coming from across the Atlantic?"


    Saffron sighed. "Precious few details, because your Kraken followers, in general, care little for those of us who live above the surface of the waves." She shook her head. "But we do know a few things. First, those are not English hulls, nor are they from any of the human nations of the Celtic Isles."


    "How you figure?"


    "Oh, I showed a sketch to Svart and a few of our other shipwrights. Then to a few others. Finally, to one of Tallulah''s shipwrights."


    "Oh, shit."


    "Oh, shit, indeed. Those are Fae hulls. And that means Sidhe, or something related, aboard."


    "Related?"


    She shrugged. "The most likely thing, from my research, is a Bane-Sidhe. A type of Fae which bears a superficial resemblance to a Sidhe, but is not one. Not too many remain, as The Morrigan essentially gave them an ultimatum to join her or die, and then enforced that. Those who do, however, are old, cunning, and have the explicit support of The Morrigan." She paused. "But that is only one possibility. There are others. None worse than that, though."


    I nodded, took a deep breath, and let it out. "So. Earplugs?"


    "Or just kill any of them who take a deep breath. They''re murderous, love. Because I know you prefer it, I am prepared to allow anyone to state their case, but should they draw a weapon? I am prepared to end them before they use it. And make no mistake, a Bane-Sidhe drawing breath is a Bane-Sidhe drawing a weapon."


    "Good to know. I''ll keep an eye on them, but if you see them do anything needing perforating, you tell me if you can''t do it first." She nodded agreement. "Anything else?"


    "I just wish I knew how fast the... Humboldt travel."


    I shrugged. "Twenty-five miles an hour, give or take."


    She just turned and looked up at me, a weird smile on her face. "Only you." After a minute of smiling at me, she said, "well. That means whoever they are, they''ll arrive in no more than a week, no less than three days, depending on weather and their actual destination. Although..."


    "Yeah?"


    "I cannot think that they intend any destination other than Phileo or Rich Man''s Port. I''ll speak with Tallulah on the morrow to see if she knows who it might be, and to be sure she''s not sent for aid from the Celtic Isles."


    I frowned. "You think she''d try and fight us?"


    Saffron shrugged. "I didn''t get that impression, but perhaps she feels she needs power of her own in the face of the Alliance, just to deal from a position nearer parity? Or perhaps she sent for supplies of Fae grains, since her fields have yielded rather less than normal this year."


    "Oh. Yeah. Fuck. Sorry about that."


    Saffron just grinned up at me. "Oh, don''t be sorry, love. If the worst you do this Season is set off a minor diplomatic incident while intoxicated, I''ll call it a slow Season."


    "Oh, that''s go... HEY!"


    Couldn''t really complain all that much. No, really, she kept my mouth busy one way or another for the rest of the day.

 Day Five Hundred And Eighteen

    Dear Diary,


    "Once you''ve found your Ecstasy,


    Don''t exceed capacity,


    But fill yourself with that stuff."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Ecstasy


    Y''know, I''m not sure whether that''s valid or not, but I figure I ought to put it in there. Yeah, some folks are gonna be like me and have hyperfixations, which just kinda burn out naturally no matter how much I get to indulge, so I might as well dive in and fill myself while I can. But other people have special interests, which just kinda stay with them their whole lives, and they can guzzle until they fall down and pass out, and the worst problem they ever have is bandwidth.


    But I''ve heard that there are folks who like something, indulge in it, and kinda burn out on it. Like, they no longer like it after doing it too much. Which makes no damn sense to me, really. Like, okay, yeah, I get hyperfixation. But then there are just regular, I dunno, fixations. Like I don''t care how much I get of Saffron, I''m still gonna want more. Yeah, I guess at some point I''m no longer craving her touch like a drug, but I still want her. I dunno if it''s being in the best shape of my life, or the Goddess thing, or something else entirely, but I can take advantage of that want for as long as she''s up for it, too. Honestly, with a couple exceptions, I can''t remember her ever not being up for it when she was physically capable either.


    These past few days I''ve been taking advantage of that. I really hope I''m not taking advantage of her, in a bad sense, because I just... Yeah, I think unless Saffron comes to me and tells me that this is it, I''m never getting my memories back, ever, I''m gonna have ''existential dread'' as a big component of my psyche. But I''ve decided not to wallow in that. I remember seeing it once, a meme about ''happy nihilism''. Like, if nothing matters, do what makes you happy. Which isn''t really the case here. Shit matters. It does, and I''m doing my best to make things better. But at the end of my days, when Saffron figures out a way to undo this Blessing, because I''m absolutely certain she will... I won''t matter. Like, the only person who sees me as, y''know, not me? Not Future me? The only one who sees me as different from her is me. And when I''m gone, I won''t be here for that to matter to. Yeah, I could get all weepy about that, and maybe sometimes when nobody else is around I do.


    Okay, maybe I ought to let myself be weepy when it''s just me and Saffron, and maybe Marie and Siobhan. But... I don''t know how long I have. I''m healthy. I''m capable of filling my moments with pure, unadulterated passion and joy, so why shouldn''t I? I guess the only answer that disagrees is ''if I''m faking it'', which I''m generally not. But yeah, every minute I''m not working to make life better for my partners and kids, I''m gonna enjoy spending time with them, as often as they''re up for it.


    With that in mind, at the end of the day yesterday as we got settled into bed, I snatched my ladies away to the Bed''s room.


    "Someone''s quite affectionate today," Saffron observed, one eyebrow arching.


    "Yeah," I said, pulling my face out of her cleavage. "We''ve kinda been monopolizing each other the last couple, and I wanted..." I stopped, frowned, and pointed at my pleasant yet imperfect Murder Mittens. "Waffles. Now."


    "Belay that," Saffron snapped. "Flour, one half cup." Before I could say anything, Marie blinked away, and Saffron explained, "quicker metabolization and more reliable dosage."


    Right then my tiger lady herself showed back up with a stein of water and a cup of white powder. "Faster fuzzy Murder Mittens better," I said before gulping down alternating flour and water.


    As I did, Saffron said, "so if we''ve been monopolizing each other, am I here as a spectator then?"


    I made my opinion on that clear without pausing my runny dough consumption by scooting over to Siobhan, then bumping her with my hip, toppling her right over Saffron. Siobhan took the hint, and as I chugged down the last of the water to clear my mouth and throat, I asked, "unless you''re not okay with Marie and me watching you two from the couch?"


    Just watching?


    "Oh, I absolutely did not say that." I pulled a rapidly enfuzzifying Marie butt first into my lap, and she showed me just how flexible she was by twisting her face around to kiss me. Like, one shoulder pressed against mine to brace her, the other one sticking out to leave her hand free to wander. It did not, in fact, wander southward, as she''d decided to show me exactly how much tail control an ancient tiger-lady in fact has. She also, deliberately I think, kissed me with her head tilted enough I could see past her over the side of her face to watch the goings on on the Bed.


    Yes.Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.


    I realized right then that my tiger lady could also see via the mirrors. At least I''m pretty sure she could. So many mirrors. So many views. I love you, Marie.


    Same, Vlickies.


    We spent at least half the night playing mix and match, seeing how many ways we fit together. I almost demurred when Saffron and I wound up together on the Bed, but she pushed me back to the wall, pushed herself into my lap, and whispered, "oh, no, you simply must see this." I had not realized that Murder Mittens could span Siobhan''s head with her jaws. Like, one fang each above and below her ears on both sides. She didn''t, like, bear down or try to give our Ice Pop a brain piercing or anything. But I swear if there''s a reservoir of natural lady love tunnel lubrication in Siobhan, Marie must have punctured it with that move.


    It only got worse when she made a noise that sounded remarkably like, "Yum."


    "The," I paused for Saffron identification as she blew my circuit breakers without obstructing my line of sight. "fuck?"


    "Fear fetish," whispered my Kitten. "I shudder to think of what the two of them get up to when they''re unsupervised."


    "Me... too..." whimpered Siobhan, in the weirdest mix of unable to speak because fear and unable to speak because sex I''d ever heard.


    "Thanks, Kitten. This is fucking adorable."


    "What about adorably fuckable?" she giggled.


    "Nah, that''s..." Enforced pause. "You."


    "So why aren''t you again?"


    "Somebody keeps... Distracting me or... I would."


    She spun around, straddled my leg, looked deep into my eyes, and quietly sang, "That makes it even better."


    The night did not get any less Ecstatically lewd than that. It slowed a little when Siobhan tapped out around midnight, and again when Saffron did so a couple hours later. "I must be up to do my Research."


    I frowned a little at that. "Oh, shit. I''m not, like, impeding that, am I?"


    "No, love. Inspiring me."


    I raised an eyebrow. "So, you want to get rid of this me that bad?"


    She ran one hand down the side of my face. "No, love. you remind me how much I love you, how much you''ve told me you want to remember all that we''ve done together. All that you''ve done with Marie and Siobhan as well." When I tilted my head, she said, "who do you think gave her that fear fetish?"


    She left me with my jaw dropped a little from that. At which point Marie took advantage of my open mouth, which I wasn''t about to complain about.


    When Marie and I decided we wanted snuggling and sleeping more than shenanigans, we collapsed back to the snoozing cuddle puddle.


    Dreamt of Marie and Karen dancing with Siobhan and Saffron, the former dipping the latter into my Maw, letting them dissolve into blurs before pulling them back out, time after time after time. Savory and Sweet. So good.


    Asked the kids if I could see our rooms today, but all of them presented a united front, saying that they weren''t quite done and ready to show off. I must have looked a little upset, because after a quick whispered conference they told me they''d have them ready to show by tomorrow. Not done, they made it clear, but done enough I was allowed to see them. So I gave them all hugs, thanked them for getting it ready just for me, then went back to watching over all our women from the top of the tower.


    Saffron slipped in next to me around midday, bringing me lunch along with Siobhan and Marie. Who may have engaged in some very subtle shenanigans while feeding one another, but fuck it, subtle enough I couldn''t tell a few feet away was subtle enough nobody on the ground could see shit. I also have no idea where they scored the jumbo four tier bento lunches for each of us, but again, not complaining.


    Afterward, when Marie took the dirty trays and possibly dirtier Siobhan away for cleaning and or finishing up her workday, Saffron leaned into me and whispered, "I''ve spoken with Tallulah."


    "And?"


    "She''s... concerned. I''m not exactly sure why, and she''s clearly too disturbed by me informing her of the incoming fleet for me to press just now."


    That did not bode well. "Do you think she''s worried because we spotted her reinforcements?"


    Saffron tilted her head, then lay it on my shoulder. "Honestly? I''m not sure. I suspect not, because I don''t see how she''d have Fae allies in the Celtic Isles when she has so few in Rich Mans'' Port. But as she refused to answer, I cannot be sure."


    "What else could it be?"


    Saffron shrugged, shaking her head while keeping it on my shoulder. "Any number of things. A displaced faction fleeing to Atlantis. A would be conqueror hoping to capitalize on New Amsterdam or Calverton''s losses."


    "Seriously? Didn''t the Alliance just kick a whole fuckin'' Army of Undead out of there?"


    "We did, but we don''t know the size of that group of ships. Only that there are more than one. Also, Fae live long lives, and some of their Mages and Warriors have Skills that rival Demigods. Should they come intending war, we may have a real war on our hands again. Also, news travels slowly across the Atlantic, and often in a fragmentary manner. They might only know that New Amsterdam lost a war badly enough to shatter their military. They may only know that Calverton lost even more of its own military to a Plague."


    "So do we call up the Army?"


    She shook her head again. "Not yet. Our Heroes are dispersed, with many attending to duties where they can rest, but we can bring them together quickly. The Dragonslayers and quite a few other non-Heroic units are also still active and can be brought to bear quicker than we can call up new Volunteers, Levies, or Soldiers. The Karls and Jarls are, of course, more or less permanently ready to fight. Not to mention projects which have been building since before your Liberation of Calverton. So if they come intending war, we will stop them. Never fear, love."


    "You''ll need me to fight then, though."


    She nodded. "We will. Though you need not carry the day on your own again, love. We will stand beside you."


    I took a deep breath, then let the worry out with it. Didn''t work. "Still wish Tallulah would tell us something."


    "I''ll have Karen probe gently at dinner."


    "Thanks, Kitten."

 Day Five Hundred And Nineteen

    Dear Diary,


    "Chase down your euphoria,


    Fill your life with blissful joy,


    Life''s purpose is Ecstasy."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Ecstasy


    I dunno. Maybe I''m laying it on too thick. Of course, the fact that I''m an actual Goddess of Ecstasy, currently tryna fill my head with as many good memories as I can, who wants nothing but people to find and indulge in things that bring them joy, and I''m saying ''oh, hey, maybe I laid on the ''be happy'' too thick'' is a sure sign that the neopuritan, ascetic bullshit got to me good at some point. Like, I''m literally supposed to be the Moral Compass here, what with being a Deity writing a Holy Book, and apparently some bullshit is trying to make me feel guilty about wanting people to be happy.


    I mean, I get it, a lot of people are immediately gonna jump in bed with complete strangers after reading this book, looking to exchange bodily fluids and dopamine release. Here''s the thing: so the fuck what? Like, okay, I get it, I haven''t seen anything like modern medicine, so there''s no birth control pills, but anybody what hasn''t figured out the contraceptive utility of hand jobs really needs to educate themselves. But thing is, given that indoor plumbing is a rich people thing, people might wind up getting equally sick from dangerous behaviors like ''eating food'', ''drinking water'', and ''breathing air''. Given that humans apparently can and will die from lack of oxytocin, I don''t think putting getting physically intimate on that same list is a terrible thing.


    So yeah, even if I somehow wind up yeeted into some kinda afterlife from my old world when Future Me comes back, I am gonna stand tall and stand by my decision on this one. I already hear people asking ''oh, but why will people behave themselves if their afterlives won''t be any better than this one''. To which I say, I dunno, maybe because most people aren''t assholes? Yeah, out of every ten, you''re gonna have an asshole, but we gotta learn to stop putting the assholes in charge. They will always say they''re the only hope for humanity, they will always do whatever it takes to get power, and they will always abuse the fuck out of that shit. And it''s not from any weaksauce ''power corrupts'' shit either. Blaming the power is like saying ''the devil made me do it''. To which I reply, ''show me this devil, and I will absolutely shove his foot up his ass for you. In the meanwhile, you''re going in the penalty box until we sort out how to keep your devil fingers off the hurting people tools.


    So after baths and dinner last night, the ladies and I went to the Bed''s room for the very important reason of needing a private spot where Karen could give us an update on Tallulah''s response. Which she did while I sat on the divan, Saffron sat on my lap, and our Concubines did their best to distract us. Not out of any disrespect to Karen, but because I think Murder Mittens had decided she wanted a ''red / white / black'' foursome or something, and had enlisted Siobhan into her Karen baiting. Although it''s equally possible Siobhan wanted to find out if red tasted different or some shit like that. No idea.. Not complaining at all, just clueless.


    Karen stood in the middle of the floor at parade rest, which should have looked slightly ridiculous with the stripperific wedding dress, but didn''t. She was in the dress as a compromise, as certain parties had engaged in a bit of a tug of wardrobe. Which would be why I was in that red gownless evening strap, Marie had her maid''s uniform on, Saffron wore a cheerleader outfit complete with pom poms, and Siobhan wore boots and a full body blush. Made me feel all warm and fuzzy to see her blushing like that and not faceplanting. Okay, not faceplanting from passing out. her face kept planting itself wherever she thought she could get away with. Which was quite a lot, since saying no to Siobhan was like kicking a puppy.


    "Lady Crow stated plainly that she knew nothing of this fleet, its origins, its contents, or its purpose." She paused. "May I speculate?" At Saffron''s regal nod, and holy shit my Kitten could do regal even in that outfit, Karen said, "based on her apparent distress, as well as her desire to hide it, I suspect she believes the fleet is headed for Rich Man''s Port, and is not friendly to her."


    "So why wouldn''t she request aid? We''ve made it clear enough we support her by now."


    Karen tilted her head. "Again, this is speculation, but I suspect she is worried that whatever is in that fleet is a threat great enough the Alliance would not wish to face it."


    I cut in with, "yeah, tomorrow when you see her, make sure she knows that we don''t abandon our friends."


    Saffron nodded. "Make the offer clear, make it clear we''ll back her." Karen nodded, and Saffron leaned back into me and said, "speaking of offers, I think one of the miscreants to either side of me had one for you?"


    Of course at that point they clammed up. "I''m... flattered?" Marie let out a rumbling growl-purr, and Karen laughed. "Well, ''intrigued'' might be true too."


    "Interested?"


    She shrugged. "Is this an order of my Imperator, or my Goddess?"


    I cut in. "No orders. Not for anything like that." Then I got a sudden wild hair up my ass, and in the spirit of chasing euphoria as long as I could, said, "But... maybe a request?"


    "From you?"


    "Yeah. A kiss, maybe? No obligation. Just an impulsive request."


    "With or without the Imperator on your lap?"


    I laughed and moved my arm away from Saffron''s waist, only to replace it with the other one. "Up to you."


    I still don''t know which of those two incorrigible horndogs currently self describing as my Concubines had the idea to romp with the redhead. Good idea, though.


    Sadly, she didn''t stick around for cuddle puddle sleepy time. Something about having to sleep in Adrienne''s suite as a guest thing.


    Dreamt of my ladies shoving Karen around the Maw on an itty bitty boat, giggling every time it capsized. She tasted of peppermint, cayenne, and cane sugar.


    In the morning after breakfast, our whole little horde hoard confronted me, Isnomi in the lead with Maze and Ria standing behind her shoulders, the other four arrayed behind them. "Mama, time to see the new rooms!"


    I looked over to Saffron. "Have you seen them yet?"


    She shook her head. "To the best of my knowledge, the only one of us who has is Marie."


    When I looked at Murder Mittens, she shrugged and said, "Supplies."


    I scooped up Isnomi and put her on my shoulders, then took Ria and Maze by the hands. Saffron took Alex and Lindsey, and Marie picked up Daya and David. I looked at Siobhan, but she shook her head. "Sorry, but I really must attend to the Infirmary today. Marshall duBois is having Cadets do full contact sparring."


    I winced, but nodded her over for hugs and kisses good bye to fortify her before she left. Then the lot of us stepped to the Homestead. Which I realized just then I had no idea where it was on a map. Needed to maybe sort out how to figure that out at some point.


    But not today. Today was the day for the kids to give us the grand tour of our almost ready to live in house. And by almost ready to live in, apparently all we needed was some additional furniture, plumbing hookups, and, like, stuff like rugs and blankets and shit. I saw some women working on that kind of things out in the courtyard when we arrived.


    We landed right outside the front doors of what I thought of as the Main House, but which the women and my ladies had all taken to calling the ''East House''. Which, if they felt some kinda way about the houses they were gonna live in not being the ''Main'' houses, I was fine with living in the East House. Isnomi led us through the big double doors, which led into a two story entryway just big enough to open the doors into. No huge five story balcony here, just a one story jobber where the sides wound up blocked with the doors open. When we''d all gotten all the way in, Marie pushed the doors closed, and Isnomi said, "lights! Ten!"You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.


    The little lantern things on the walls slid open, lighting the place up like daylight. Directly in front of us were another pair of wide floor to ceiling doors, although in this case ''floor to ceiling'' was only one story. Of course, they looked like if we opened both sets all the way, they''d block off the rest of the room entirely, including the steps up to the second story on both ends of the room. Is that on purpose, Kitten?


    Given that the only other route to our children''s bedrooms is the Bore, what do you think?


    Sally port?


    Something like.


    Nice.


    Of course Isnomi waved at those doors and said, "that''s just the dining room and kitchen. Nothing good in there yet." Then she guided us up the steps to the second floor, which again was just a wide hallway with a chunk missing in the middle, a railing keeping it nominally safe. Isnomi waved to another set of steps directly above the ones we''d come up. "Those go to the guess rooms."


    I very carefully did not snicker as she led us to the doors directly above the dining room doors. These weren''t as wide, but what they lacked in size they made up for in fancy. Scrollwork, little carved stuff like vines and flowers and clouds and little animals. None of it painted, which surprised me, but the center of the doors was a big blank shield with the name ''Aetos-Diaz'' carved across the top. I think I teared up a little, but not just from that. The only thing painted on the whole door, at least so far? In some space in one corner of the space with ''Aetos-Diaz'', somebody with excellent handwriting had painted, ''Crow'', and in the far corner, ''Darling''. I dunno which of them had done that, but I absolutely approved, and shot Siobhan an image of what I saw.


    I can''t visit today. Injuries have been coming in already.


    Don''t worry. It''ll be here when you''re ready. Darling.


    I''m really glad Saffron''s been getting her backup, because I''m pretty sure she needed it at that point.


    If the doors weren''t big, they were definitely thick, and took all seven girls and some surreptitious tentacle help to pull them open. I noticed inset deadbolts and sockets gleaming in both, and those little bank vault spinny wheels on the insides. But then Isnomi pulled me into the room and I lost all interest in the security features. The room was round, each corner covered by a curving wooden wall. It was also fuckin'' huge. Like, not as big as the Lancaster House dining room, but... okay, maybe it was that big, but the whole ''round'' thing made it hard to tell. The middle of the room had a kind of raised circular wooden dais, with another wooden circle on the ceiling above it, a rail curving all around it''s perimeter, curtain hooks already hanging from it.


    "Wow! Is that where our bed''s going?"


    Saffron chuckled. "When the mattress is done? That will be our bed, love."


    My jaw dropped open. "That''s... that''s like twenty feet across!"


    "Did you or did you not want more children?"


    "Yeah, but..."


    "And did you ever intend to deny any of them the right to sleep with us when nights are cold?"


    I snorted out a laugh. "Okay, you win. You win. Absolutely perfect."


    Before I could celebrate my Kitten''s victory, Isnomi said, "lights, ten!" I''d been looking at the room half in that weird dark vision wireframe, but when the lights on the ceiling slid open, the walls... Oh, my god, the walls. To our left, a painting of what looked like the valley beyond the tower, only covered in snow. Also, in the center, covered in seven colorful silhouettes. To our right, the same scene, only with everything green and growing, and the kids outlines captured in paint splashes. I scooped up Isnomi, who''d already begun pulling me toward the far doors, and whispered, "I love how you guys are all snuggled up together, even in the paintings."


    She nodded with that little kid seriousness. "Left space."


    "For Mom, Marie, and me?" She tilted her head. "And Siobhan maybe?"


    Looking very serious, she shook her head slowly, then said, "you forgetted. You promised."


    "Promised what?"


    "More."


    It took me a second. When I got it, I looked at both scenes. The kid silhouettes covered maybe a third of the wall, at best. "Holy sh... sugar, Menace. How many sibs do you expect us to make?"


    She looked a little shifty and said, "four?"


    "Four." She nodded. "All that space for four?"


    At that point Ria tugged my jacket and said, "I believe she means at a time."


    I didn''t get a chance to respond to that, because Murder Mittens set her chin on my shoulder from behind me and said, "More."


    I let myself be dragged to the hallway beyond at that point, visions of entire nurseries full of babies filling my head. Beyond the next doors, which were thick enough to insulate, but not nearly the vault doors we''d come through from the balcony, we entered a hallway wide enough for four people to walk arm in arm without touching the sides. The hallway had to be at least sixty feet long, with doors on either side every ten feet or so. The first one on the right had a little silhouette, this one way less messy than the ones on the wall in our bedroom. Above it, in the same script as the words on the door, the word Diamond. "That''s Daya''s room," announced Isnomi.


    I turned to Daya. Apparently, to Diamond. "So. Diamond. May we see your room?" She rolled her eyes, but nodded. "Thank you. I''m serious, though. This is your space. Unless there''s an emergency, you decide who gets to go in and who doesn''t." I turned to the rest. "That goes for all of you. These are your rooms. You spaces. I''ll be thrilled if you trust us enough to let us in whenever, but that''s your choice. Got it?"


    They kinda bobbleheaded, eyes wide. We looked into Daya''s room, which I''m pretty sure all the other kids had seen already. No furniture yet, but the walls were painted. So was the ceiling. And the floor. It was pale yellow and sparkled. The kids had found the glitter, and Daya had layered that shit onto her walls. Screw it, her walls, if she wanted to repaint, we''d help her out with that too.


    Right across the hall was David''s room, with his name above his silhouette. His room was... pink. Just a riot of pinks swirling around one another. Total Barbie Dream room. Overall looked about the same size as Daya''s. Maybe the exact same size, about ten feet wide by fifteen feet deep. Maybe a little less than that, but clearly big enough to be enough space for a bed, an armoire, a desk, and some space left over for whatever.


    The next two doors were blank, and the kids pulled us past them to Maze''s room, right in the middle of the hallway. Again I got one of those ''full name'' surprises. ''Mazikeen''. Heck of a name to drop on a little girl. I got why she went with Maze. Oddly enough, her room already had one piece of furniture, and it was not what I expected. The entire wall at the far end of the room was taken up by a tub twin to the one in our Lancaster House suite. The fittings on the tub, not to mention the walls and the exterior of the tub itself were all done in a deep sea blue.


    The room across from her and the two rooms beyond were all blank. The next two were Lindsey and Alexandra''s rooms. One look into Lindsey''s showed me where most of the landscape painting had come from; her walls were covered in forested hills. She''d even kinda signed it down in one corner, proving that whatever else, she hadn''t been the one to do the door writing. Across the hall Alex had, uh, much simpler landscapes. Basically just green arcs. With chunky little kid ''castles''. And monsters. And soldiers. And, I think, a Dragon. Something big with wings and claws, anyhow. And all over the place, a silvery humanoid blob which was very obviously Alex in her little plate armor onesie.


    I knelt down next to her as the others pointed out their favorite bits. "So. Looks like somebody wants to be a Hero when they''re older?"


    "Yes! I''m gonna be the best Hero ever!"


    "You know it takes a lot of hard work, right?" She nodded. "Some of it''s really boring hard work." She frowned at that, but nodded. I steeled myself and quietly whispered, "and when you finish? You''re gonna get hurt. One way or another. It''s... it''s a dangerous job." Her eyes getting a little watery, she nodded. I smiled at her, "and when you put that jacket on? When you get tapped for the job? Hell, more importantly, when you go out and do it? I will absolutely be the proudest Mama ever."


    I don''t think I''d ever seen Alex cry. Like, I didn''t see it at that point, because she''d glomped onto me and was kinda using me to muffle the sound and sop up her snot, but fuck it. Worth.


    Then we got to the last two bedrooms. The ones right inside another pair of vault doors. The kids who''d chosen to put themselves right up next to where danger might come in. On the left, a tiny silhouette, with ''Isnomi Aetos-Diaz'' in that nice handwriting, with ''Menace'' scrawled beneath it, obviously finger-painted. Isnomi dragged me in. Another of Lindsey''s landscapes covered the walls, but this one had really well done animals painted here and there, obviously just superimposed on the landscape, but still cute. One by one she pointed them out to me. "Mama! Mama! Look! Keel!" A big eyed bird, soaring near the ceiling. "Hor!" A bear, standing on its hind legs. "Mau!" A cat. Of course a cat. "Must!" A little weasel or something. She pulled me over to a picture of a lake with three figures in it. "Mary!" A sandworm looking thing, but clearly in the water. "Loff!" One of those super ugly deep sea fish with the little lure on its forehead. "Meg!" A shark that took up like half the lake. Then she pulled me down and pointed at an itty bitty... cuttlefish? Definitely wasn''t a Kraken, because ''itty bitty'' and ''Kraken'' were not in any way related. "Pee!"


    "That''s awesome, Menace!" Some part of me immediately thought ''imaginary friends'', but then... I''d seen the Hell of Teeth. Something told me none of her friends were as imaginary as anybody might want them to be.


    After we got done looking at Menace''s room, we went over to Ria''s, which stood open. The interior was all white. Just... plain white. No furniture. I didn''t notice until I turned and saw the back of the door, where she''d painted a single lifelike, life sized corvid standing at the base of the door.


    "I''m sorry. I just wanted..."


    I knelt down and pulled her into my arms. "Oh, sweetie. Don''t be sorry. This... you heard what I said to Daya?" She nodded. "That goes for you as well. This is your room."


    "As long as I''m here?"


    I pushed her out just far enough I could look her in the eyes. "No. This. Is. Your. Room. Period. As long as this is our house? This is your room. Yours. Not anybody else''s."


    Yeah, I had to carry a crying bundle of Ria for the rest of our tour of the undecorated, unfinished rooms of our house, but that didn''t bother me at all. I might even have joined her in the weepies a little bit when I saw the outside of her door. Across the top, ''Ria Crow''. Directly beneath that, in letters of different sizes, colors, and finger widths?


    ''Ria Crow Aetos-Diaz''.

 Day Five Hundred And Twenty

    Dear Diary,


    "Children will be our future,


    Of all the things I hold dear,


    Children are most important."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Children


    Yeah. This is the big one. If some poor bastard force feeds me his whole career, and fucks every other bit up, but somehow gets this one right? I''m not sure I could really properly get my righteous rage on. Don''t get me wrong, if they''re fucking up Agency and Redemption and Egalitarianism, doing Vengeance wrong with absolutely un-Justified Homicide, and somehow doing a Bloodlust as their Passion and yet not enjoying it enough for Ecstasy? I''m still gonna have to take that poor fucked up bastard down. But maybe not so hard they can''t ever get another chance. Maybe after doing some time in Tartarus or NiflHel, but still. Then again, that may be because I don''t think somebody who''s that messed up in head can actually be a good parent. A parent, yeah, but not a good one.


    I might be wrong about that, sure. It''s why I''m not gonna put that in my Holy Book. Give some parenting advice? Shit, absolutely. Probably gonna ask Sigyn and Loki about it. Fuck, I''m really glad they know I''m amnesiac, because I don''t see me becoming anything like a decent parent without some mentoring. Given that they are, in fact, my adopted parents here, I''m gonna guess that they''re the ones I got that mentoring from.


    You guess truly, although you were doing fairly well before you came to us seeking guidance.


    Really? Me? Little miss terminal fuckup?


    Dad sounded oddly proud. Like, yeah, I get that he''s proud of me, but this was like, over the top weepy proud. Yes, you, Daughter. You rescued your first daughter from Artemis, have worked absolute miracles with Conrad, and if Vulcan isn''t precisely housebroken, he does at least know how and when to do as he''s told. As for your newer daughters? You... You beat yourself to death to give one closure.


    I what.


    He went silent a moment. That''s... not entirely unlike my reaction when you told me. But yes. You killed both of Maze''s parents. When you found out, when she told you, you offered her Vengeance, then helped her take it.


    Oh. She... she''s okay with me, even though I killed her parents?


    I got the sense of a shrug. Her absentee mother was the one who sacrificed Isnomi. Her father was a mercenary in service of Calverton who met you on the battlefield.


    Okay, yeah, but still...


    She''s a remarkably composed girl. With your support, certain to grow into a remarkable young woman.


    Yeah. Yeah, she is. Thanks, Dad. You''re... I wound down, thinking. Pensive


    Tabitha?


    Yeah. Dad, am I different?


    He chuckled. You''re the Avatar of a mindless Primordial Goddess doomed to consume all of reality. In less than a year you''ve utterly restructured a major portion of the world, one which was incredibly influential in your world of birth. I''d say that''s fairly ''different''.


    I choked out a laugh. No, Dad. I mean am I different than I was before the Blessing. Like, am I a different person?


    Are any of us the same as we were in the past? Are any of us the same as we will be in the future? I started to snark, but he cut me off. No, Tabitha, I''m serious. The Loki chained here centuries ago would not recognize the God I''ve become today. He might even try to strike me down, ashamed of what I''ve become.


    Are you? Ashamed?


    I said he would try. Not that he would succeed. Nor that he would survive if he did so here, in the prison you remade into a home for me.


    I did that? How?


    I felt his smile. Oh, I could say things like ''cutting a hearth out of the wall'' or ''having your son make us furniture'', or even ''bringing us little knickknacks and comforts''. But truly? The single thing you''ve done, over and over, without thinking about what it means? You''ve brought your family here. You''ve brought them not unlike Mortals from the world of their birth bring their children, their partners, to visit with beloved parents.


    I mean, duh. You are.


    He chuckled again, then sighed. Tabitha, I meant what I said. None of us are the same person today as we were before, nor the same as we will be. But if it matters, with the understanding that I do not blame your past self in any way, I think you are in fact a better parent than you were.


    Wait, what? You just said I literally beat myself to death for Maze.


    Yes. Yes, you did. But... how to say this. Before, everything you did you did because you enjoyed it, or perhaps felt some kind of obligation. But now you do those same things, and more, not because you enjoy them, or because you owe the children a debt, but because you are their mother, and you love them.If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    But I do enjoy all those things.


    Did you remember that before you started doing them?


    Uh... no? No, I guess I didn''t. I barked out a laugh. So, maybe I''m here to help Future Me become a better mom?


    I think you''re a lot more than that, Daughter...


    I interrupted him. Nah, I mean, maybe, yeah, but it doesn''t matter. If I am a separate person somehow, and that''s the only reason I''m here, if that''s my only legacy? That''s enough. Hell, that''s not just ''enough''. That''s pretty fuckin'' baller. Thanks, Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    Yeah. Yeah, maybe that''s why I''m here. If I''m a me, and not just brain-damaged Future Me. But yeah, if I''m some kinda weird Blessing transporter accident duplicate of myself, and my only lasting impact on the world is making Future Me a better Mom, I am absolutely down for that. And I am gonna write the hell out of this Book just for that reason. Let it echo through the ages that Tabitha Diaz, Goddess of the Alliance, is the Goddess of Children. Because even in a world where all are equal, and free, and there is no need for Vengeance, Bloodlust, or Homicide, Justified or otherwise, my Passion and Ecstasy will still be found in each and every Child that comes into my care.


    Heh. I wonder what Saffron would think of me adopting everybody in the Alliance. Like, I''m pretty sure given how she''s, uh, more than cool with me doing Karen and anybody else who catches my eye, she''d be okay with me sleeping with all of them, but I''m not sure about adoption. Then again, I can''t adopt all of them. Like, at this point I can''t adopt Karen. That''d just be weird.


    So yesterday after the kids showed off their decorated rooms, they showed us the rest of the East House. The dining room downstairs was basically the same size as our bedroom, but forty feet square instead of a forty foot diameter circle. Two doorways led from the kitchen into the dining room. The kitchen, or really kitchens, because the one big room was subdivided into smaller rooms by the tables already built into the floor, were forty feet wide and sixty feet long, with a big open doorway that led into a rear entryway, which connected to the stairway we''d bored into the mountain. Despite some whining by the kids, we did not actually explore the basement or the mines. Mostly because, y''know, mines, and not even modern ones.


    Above the second floor were the ''guess rooms''. One long hallway ran from the front entryway about halfway to the bore, with doors every ten feet or so. That gave us ten guest rooms the same size as the kids rooms before the floor rose into a textured ramp that rose up about three or four feet, leaving only about eight or nine feet of ceiling clearance. ''Only''. Anyway, somebody''d scattered sand on the rock and glued it there. The doorway at the top of the ramp led to a forty foot wide, ten foot deep room which had every bit of wall space filled with what looked like cubbies. Y''know, the kind of thing you''d put your stuff in before jumping in a pool. The doors into the next room weren''t wood, like the others, but a pair of stone doors that pushed back, then slid to the side. Like the doors into our bedroom and at the back of the kid''s hallway, they needed a bit of a shove to get moving, but the moved smoothly. Inside, the room beyond had a row of little stalls on the near wall, then dipped down step by step into a depression.


    "We''ve got an indoor swimming pool?"


    Saffron laughed as Menace looked at me and said, "No, Mama. This the tub!"


    "Tub." I looked at her, looked at Saffron, looked at the thirty foot by thirty foot monstrosity in the middle of the room, then back at Isnomi. "Tub."


    "Yes! No more turns! Everybody at once!"


    I laughed, reached out to ruffle her hair, and pulled her and Saffron into a hug around Ria, who still rode on my hip. Everybody else glommed in, and I sighed as we all just stood there. "How are we gonna heat the water in this big beast?"


    "There are Mana deposits beneath the Homestead; I''ll be tapping into those to heat one of the cisterns. That and one other also can be heated with coal in some form of emergency that diverts the Mana. The bath itself will also be heated by those same Enchantments, although in the case of the bath there''s no coal backup."


    "Oh. No. In an emergency we might need to ration the bath water to get clean." I frowned. "Wait, how are we gonna keep this much water from getting nasty?"


    Saffron nodded to the stalls built into both ends of the room. "That''s what the showers are for, Goof. Wash the grime off before getting in the tub."


    "Uh, so if the showers are for washing, what''s the big tub for? Just what, lying around?"


    Saffron rolled her eyes. "Marie, Maze, I think we need to remind her tonight." That... seemed weird, including Maze, at least until I thought about Kelpies and water.


    Beyond the bath was another room with more cubbies, followed by another entryway into the Bore. At that point we''d spent well over half the day just walking around the new place, poking into rooms, admiring the kids'' artwork, and just generally doing the ''new house almost done thing'', so we decided to get ourselves back to Lancaster early. Okay, Maze, Marie, Saffron and Menace decided.


    Got back, got swept into the bath room, where Saffron stripped me down while Maze and Marie heated up the kettles. And heated them, and heated them. Then Maze slipped into the tub with me, and Marie dumped what should have been scalding water over us. I tensed up until I heard Maze giggle, then I realized that wherever the water splashed, wherever it stayed, the pain from my scars just kinda melted away. Then my whole will to move and pretend to be an animate person followed. It took me like five minutes to realize that neither of us was holding our breath so much as not breathing. By then all my fucks had melted away, so I had no more to give.


    So. Big tub for this?


    Yes, Goof. Big tub for this.


    Big tub good. I''mma sleep now.


    Had to get up for bath time and dinner. Got right back in the tub again after and went to sleep with Maze lying next to me. Dreamt of lounging around with my assorted Kraken homies out in the Chesapeake.


    The next day, the kids took us back to our bedroom. Where they proceeded to strip us down and paint us onto the walls around both sets of their silhouettes. Marie in a platinum white like her hair. Saffron in a deep, matte black that made me realize Menace''s black was really a deep charcoal. Then me in a vibrant red the color of my gownless evening strap. Before we finished, we called Siobhan to join us. She tried to claim she needed to attend to our duties. I overruled her as Goddess. Saffron overruled her as Imperator. Marie just hopped back to her Academy and brought her favorite Healer back to our bedroom and handed her over to the kids. i swear, they got so much of that platinum white paint on her I thought it might completely obscure her blush. It wasn''t until I backed up enough to see both at once that I realized the kids had actually somehow added just a little pink into the platinum white they painted her with.


    As they did, I called Isnomi over. "Why don''t we get clothes?"


    She looked at me like I''d asked the World''s Stupidest Question. "Becauth you awe Mamas." The Hell of Teeth was back in play, but that absolutely didn''t make her answer any easier to understand. But then, sometimes you didn''t need to understand your kids, no matter how much you wanted to.


    You accepted them, nurtured them, protected them, and loved them. And hoped that was enough.

 Day Five Hundred And Twenty-One

    Dear Diary,


    "Don''t have Children you don''t want,


    If you don''t want your Children,


    Don''t ever let them know that."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Children


    Yeah, I get that sometimes you wind up with accidental kids. Like, none of my present children are ones I went out and said, ''hey, I want a kid, let me see if there''s one available''. I certainly didn''t go about the normal route of ''find sperm, fertilize egg, bake for forty weeks, decant''. I was maybe kinda uncertain about Isnomi at first, because the only thing I knew for certain about kids was that they gave me shit. Like, all of ours are potty trained now, which prevents that, but the weird thing is that even before she decided to potty train herself, I think I''d kind of stopped minding. Oh, don''t get me wrong, shit still stinks, and I do not have any kind of attraction to shit. But I think somehow the intimate maternal process of cleaning up my kid grew on me, until now when I think about it, even if the memories have that hazy kind of feel where I''m not sure if I''m remembering or I''m remembering somebody telling me about it while lightly toasted on Fae weed, I kind of miss it. Like, I think I''d actively enjoy cleaning up a baby if I weren''t cleaning shit off them.


    I guess we kinda did deliberately abscond with Ria, but honestly that wasn''t so much us wanting a kid as her mom not being in a great spot to protect one, and her mom being less maternal than me, if you can believe that. Okay, I guess I''ve gotten more maternal since I got shot, and I sure as shit have gotten deep into momming as a kind of vocational hobby now, but Tallulah Crow is not very touchy feely huggy, and however far Sidhe are from human, they seem to still need that oxytocin fix. So she''s ours for as long as she needs to be. I mean, hopefully forever. I''ll never stop thinking of her as ''one of my kids''. As ''my kid''. Because that''s not about ownership, or genetics, it''s about love, and connection. I''m not sure how my mom would feel about a lot of the things I''m doing with this second chance at life, but I''m pretty sure she''d be proud about that. I didn''t get it at the time, but I think my mom''s love language was ''acts of service'', in my case setting things up so I''d be taken care of after she died.


    But my point here, and I do have one, is that if you wind up with a kid, you take care of them. That includes making them feel wanted. Even, maybe especially if they''re not. Do what you gotta do when they''re not around, but don''t ever let them know. If you can''t handle that, find somebody who can. If you''re not ready to take care of a kid, don''t have one. If you don''t like kids, get yourself a good diaphragm, or a reliable condom supply, or learn to swallow or spit or take money shots or something. If you''re a guy and don''t want kids? Find alternate targets for your swimmy bois. This isn''t rocket science, if I managed to avoid that shit for nearly two decades, any dumbass ought to be able to.


    So yesterday after our kids got done using us as art supplies, which wound up with each of us covered in paint, we all headed home for bath time. Okay, that''s missing two very important points. First, ''using us as art supplies'' also meant letting them have us help touch up the paint in their rooms. A couple wanted one or more of us to press our image onto their walls. Ria had each of us put a handprint on the outside of her door. Funniest moment of the day came when Siobhan asked about the door I''d shown her and the kids all dragged her out of the bedroom onto the balcony, then closed the door. Which would have been way less problematic had it not been snowing outside, or had Siobhan been wearing anything other than paint.


    So when we got home the kids insisted that Siobhan needed to be first in the bathtub. Then insisted that she stay there, sitting covered to the neck in warm water. I mean, seriously, it was a special kind of hilarious watching little Daya standing next to the tub, which she can barely see over, making sure Siobhan''s shoulders didn''t hit air. Of course, that made for a little bit of crowding once we finished washing the kids, because first I had to go through the tub, or I would have gotten red paint all over everything, and then she had to stay there while the rest of the women trooped through the bath. The kids insisted, taking turns watching her until Saffron got a bright idea.


    "Children, Siobhan needs to eat. I''m sure if you bundle her up she''ll stay warm enough, but can you all help Marie with that, then escort her down to dinner?" Poor Siobhan never stood a chance, our little miscreants swarmed her and practically carried her to Marie, who bundled her up in like two layers of cloaks over her regular robes, then absconded with her chanting ''dinner''.


    After that the rest of the women went through pretty quick; everybody was hungry after a long day of work. Finally, when it got down to just the three of us, Saffron looked at Marie, pointed at the tub in front of her, and said, "Marie?"


    So cute watching Marie pout. "Seriously, Murder Mittens, we gotta get that paint off you. It could wind up hurting your skin."


    She opened her mouth, and Saffron said, "no, Lovely Maenad, Sparagmos is not a solution for cleaning paint out of your fur."If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    "Works." she pouted.


    "C''mon, Mittens. I''ll hold you the whole time. And once we''re done, I''ll towel you completely dry." She wavered, so I added, "and brush you."


    Marie walked over to me, had me strip off her now paint coated Maid uniform, then walked hand and hand with me to the tub. I stepped in and sat down, then Marie followed me, standing between us. The tub was big, but nowhere near big enough for Marie to stretch out. Saffron huffed, then said, "this won''t do at all." I felt something tug deep inside me, and Marie shrank down to just about David sized. She got the world''s biggest booger look, opened her mouth, and said, "Undignified."


    So Saffron grinned and hugged her. Then nodded at me, and I came in behind and squooshed her as well. "Still worried about your dignity, Mittens?"


    "Maybe." Impressive that I could still make that out with her buried under at least twenty pounds of fat.


    I leaned back and pulled her away, turning her around so Saffron could get to work on her hair. "We''ll put you back before I brush you, okay?"


    "Towel?"


    I shrugged. "Before or after toweling?"


    "After."


    I finally understood what my hindbrain had been telling me when Marie got wet enough, now that I''d kept up a very strict regimen of flour every hour, on the hour, and not only did her fur clump up in absolutely grotesque ways, it went almost transparent close to her skin, and her skin itself under the fur was translucent. Made my brain kinda slide sideways into a wall when I realized that I half wanted to steal her away to the Bed''s room just like that. But that could have been getting to fondle her in the bath tub, too.


    Which is how Karen found us with a creepy looking wet Murder Mittens between us, dangling in my arms half asleep from the warm water and Saffron''s determined scrubbing. "Imperator."


    Saffron didn''t even slow down her scrubbing. My Kitten''s just cool like that. "Report."


    "The Alliance scout ships near Norfolk spotted the Fae ships swinging wide around Norfolk at dusk."


    Saffron hummed as she poured another kettle of clean water over Marie, rinsing yet more white paint off of her. "They''re late."


    Karen nodded. "There have been storms off the coast. The Fae ships can''t sail as close to the wind as ours."


    Saffron chuckled. "Been listening to Admiral Pesce?" Karen nodded, blushing just the tiniest bit. "Good Girl. Always listen to experts if they''re available. Even if you are one. None of us are perfect. How long does he estimate they''ll take to get to Rich Man''s Port?"


    "Two days, minimum." At Saffron''s raised eyebrow, she explained, "It''s snowing down there presently. Along with poor winds, their ships are narrow, with deep drafts. Pretty, but not good for riverine work. They need to slow to avoid running aground,"


    "Question?" They looked at me as Saffron scrubbed Murder Mittens'' murder mittens. "Can''t they just magic the weather away or something?"


    Saffron shrugged. "It''s possible, but if they do that, their Mages will arrive at Rich Man''s Port exhausted. Or weakened, at any rate. If they''re that impatiently stupid, I''ll take it as a favor. But... you''re right." She turned back to Karen. "We''ll be along to help as soon as we can, but I need you to immediately alert the Dragonslayers, Tabitha''s Troll Legion, Marshall duBois, Hero Potami, and the ready Heroes at the Grand Council building. The five of us will be transporting them to the Questing Tentacle tomorrow. Have Admiral Pesce break out the Cold Iron ammunition." She turned to me. "I''m sorry, love. I''m afraid your vacation is coming to an end."


    I still took the time to towel my Murder Mittens dry, then brush her fur out. The moment I had that finished to her satisfaction she stood, then towered over everybody else in the room as she did that quick change trick to put that black dress with the elevator boots on. Saffron wore the same, and a moment later Siobhan arrived in her white robes, then switched over to the black dress. Saffron looked at me and said, "this?" My black slacks, red jacket outfit covered me. "Or this?" My uniform disappeared, replaced by my gownless evening strap, complete with high heeled thigh boots, but no underwear. I thought about it for a second, and came to the oddest conclusion. "I think this."


    The three of them smiled at me, then we all huddled up for a hug. When Karen arrived a few moments later in her uniform, she blinked, then had the stripperific wedding dress on. A moment after that we pulled her into the hug. After a while that was both oddly long and way too short, Saffron sighed. "Ladies, let''s be about it. I''ll bring the ready Heroes. Karen, you bring Hero Potami and the Marshall. Siobhan, please stay with the Questing Tentacle, ready to Translocate to Tallulah''s throne room the moment you see any of those Europan Fae ships, and warn her that her visitors have arrived."


    "What do they look like? I... don''t know ships. I''m sorry."


    Saffron nodded. "Not your fault. Should you see new ships come in and Admiral Pesce isn''t available, send images of them to Tabitha or I. I think both of us can identify them."


    "I can as well," said Karen. When Saffron looked at her, she shrugged. "I hopped over to the recon ship and took a look for myself."


    Saffron rolled her eyes. "Some creatures, especially those associated with the Undead like Hole Spawn, and I think Bane-Sidhe may qualify, can detect Translocation and Co-Location." Karen winced. "Again, you didn''t know. It''s always little things like this that trip us up." She paused, then shook her head. "Marie, can you please bring the Dragonslayers?"


    "Yes."


    "Excellent. Tabitha, you''ll be bringing the Trolls. They''re currently in and around the Black Dragon. Also, tell Admiral Swanson what''s going on. You''ll find him in the Admiral''s quarters or on the bridge, I think."


    "You got it, Kitten."


    She smiled, then pulled us all together for one more squeeze. "It is my fervent hope, for all our sakes, that these Fae will see reason, that we can find a diplomatic solution. But if they do not? They will learn what it means to cross the Alliance. And they will rue that education most keenly."

 Day Five Hundred And Twenty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    "Children are not blessed gifts,


    That implies they''re property,


    Children are all people too."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Children


    I think maybe people forget that. I guess back in the day, people had a dozen kids so that six of them would live to adulthood, and maybe three would live long enough to support them if they managed to get too old to work without just dying. When you don''t know which of them are gonna live out the year, it''s hard to invest in them emotionally. I mean, I''d like to think I still would, but I don''t know if I could. Not after the second or third time I poured myself into them and they wound up dying. Shit, I think I made my opinion about my own kids dying crystal fucking clear with what they tell me I did to Artemis and her High Priestess.


    Shit, might as well just call that ''kids''. Or maybe I just see a kid nearby and think ''mine''. Wouldn''t that be a hell of a thing, if I''ve started kinda claiming every kid in the vicinity as ''mine''. At least in terms of ''nope, bad things don''t happen to kids near me, and if they do, I fix them''. Like, I was just watching what was about to happen to Ria, I''d barely had two conversations with the kid at that, and I straight up Kool-Aid-Manned into Tallulah''s living room the moment I realized she was in danger.


    Wait... is this why I''m a Goddess of Children? I mean, this is absolutely the kind of thing I would want to be. There''s that old internet glurge meme about ''be the person you needed as a kid''. Did I need somebody to come smashing through walls and saying ''everything will be fine, because I am here now''? I mean, I think it might be more than that. Maybe I hope it''s more than that. But even if it''s not, I think I could deal. If my big ''this is who I am, so much so that the fabric of the universe recognizes that'' thing is ''I make things right for kids, so they can be kids as long as they need to be, instead of having to grow up when they''re thirteen and their fuckin'' only remaining parent dies of cancer'', I think I can accept that. Shit, I can be proud of that. Proud...


    Heh. Almost said I can be proud of myself. I dunno. I dunno if I can go quite that far. But maybe not embarrassed to be me. Yeah, I can go that far. Because at the end of the day, even if I''m not a kid any more, I''m a people too. A fucked up shapeshifting mass of tentacles people maybe, but a people nonetheless. So maybe I get to treat myself like a people. Like I''d treat somebody I was tryna help.


    So I spent all of Wednesday night and most of Wednesday morning ferrying Trolls from the Black Dragon to the Questing Tentacle. Y''know, if she keeps naming ships like that, I''m really tempted to carry my Kitten off to M-Space and do some tentacle based spelunking. Fuck, what if she''s, like, hinting at that, like her ass has just been all forlorn and lonely like, ''tentacle, tentacle, wherefore art thou tentacle, deny thy Mimic and refuse thy Tabitha, or if thou will not, be but sworn my fascina and I''ll no longer be a Kitten ass''. Yes, I read Shakespeare. No, I wasn''t all that fond of Romeo and Juliet, although the zombie version was surprisingly entertaining. But seriously, anybody who''s been paying attention knows I''m completely down for lewd humor, even better if it''s homoerotic lewd humor, and Billy Shakes just loaded his shit full of that good good.


    But more importantly, I got to see a Troll! Like, I got to see over a thousand of them as I brought them across from the Black Dragon. Big scaly bois, like almost Marie tall, although not Marie in elevator pumps tall. Way thicker than her, too. Sad to say, my Marie is not a paragon of thiccness. But these bois had them some well turned calves, if I can steal a phrase from Billy again. Okay, I''m not sure if that''s one of his, or Chaucer, or one of those other old dead dudes we studied in English Lit. Most of them ran to the dark olive drab green, but a few were a little more colorful. Like, all still green, but some had some emerald to their scales, or aqua, or other non drab shades of green.


    The drabbest of them all actually reached out for a handclasp when they came up to me. I guess I looked a little confused, because they said, "it is I, Furtim Cauda. Tribune now, since Calverton!"


    I pulled them in for a congratulatory hug, because even if I didn''t really recognize them, they seemed like they were proud of the promotion, and somehow wanted to show it off to me. "That''s fantastic! So you got more boys under you now?"Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.


    They got a little green at that, but it only took me a moment to realize they were blushing, not seasick. They just kinda smiled sheepishly and said, "maybe."


    "Awesome! So the promotion''s been good for you then?" They nodded. I stepped them and the other four guys in their squad across to the Questing Tentacle. I''d learned by trial and error that when it came to teleporting live cargo, body mass meant something, and my scaly bois had them some mass. "Cool. Well, I''d love to stay and chat, but I gotta get all of you guys here to Rich Man''s Port as soon as possible." They gave me one more quick hug, then saluted along with the rest of their unit, then slipped over the side of the ship into the water. Credit where it''s due, most of the Trolls went into the water without much visible fuss, but Furtim was absolutely a ghost; not even a ripple that I could see.


    I kinda lost count, but by the time I was done I''d moved at least a thousand Trolls. Maybe more. Probably more. My brain tells me like twelve hundred, but my brain has lied to me before, so I don''t trust it any further than I could throw it. Which might be further than I think, what with being able to Co-Locate; I could probably rip my own head off and yeet it pretty far before it discorporated, but I''m pretty sure that would suck, so I''m not gonna do that.


    Settled in to nap on the back of the Questing Tentacle. I think I heard somebody calling that spot the ''poop deck'', and I know that''s like one of those nautical terms, but I absolutely am not trusting that either. The ASS Questing Tentacle having a poop deck is just one step too far for your girl Tabitha. I''m sleeping on the stern, and that''s final.


    Admiral Pesce woke me up around sunset, asking if Karen and I could oversee the evening watches the way Hero Potami and Marshall duBois had done for the daytime. I figured it just made sense, what with me having the super night vision and everything, and Karen apparently having the same via being my High Priestess. Watched all night, basically saw nothing except a really slow moving cloud formation to the east.


    When Hero Potami woke up and took over command in the morning, I monkeyed my way up the tallest mast. Kinda surprised myself at how easy it was. Like, I get that I''m in so much better shape than I ever remember being back at Eastside, but I''m, y''know, buff. Normally people as buff as I am don''t climb well, because muscle is heavy. I guess if you get strong enough, though, auto-yeeting your way up a mast winds up being no big thing. At any rate, I looked east, missing my binoculars already, but the only thing I saw was trees, trees, trees, a little bit of snow sticking to them at the edge of what looked like an advancing line of frozen precipitation, and more trees coated in snow.


    Kitten? You seeing this?


    Yes. She drew the word out to several syllables. While I know of several Fae who could do that, I cannot think of why one would do so when it only serves to hamper their own ships. She paused, thoughtful. Perhaps ask your father?


    I thought about that for a second, but while I couldn''t make sense of it, I certainly wasn''t gonna actually second guess my Kitten. Hey Dad?


    Yes, oh my Beloved Daughter?


    I knew something was up right there, because while he''s made his parental affection clear, he''s generally not the formally smarmy type. Not with me anyhow. You know anything about this storm front just to the east of me?


    I swear, he could do a ''butter wouldn''t melt in my mouth'' voice even via our mental connection. Storm front? What storm front? I know nothing of any storm front. Perhaps you''re thinking of my father, Ymir. Is there snow?


    Kinda looks like it.


    Oh, well then. Likely Ymir. Though I would know nothing about that.


    I pursed my lips, trying not to laugh. Okay, Dad. You were on another continent, and taking a nap, with witnesses watching. Any idea why Ymir would do something like that?


    None whatsoever. Oh, I suppose if someone had suggested that someone aboard one of those ships insulted or intended harm to his great granddaughter, and explained in small words how that would imply that he was too weak to defend his family, he might do something like creating a very localized blizzard around those ships. He paused, obviously having difficulty keeping a straight face himself. Not that I would know anything about that. This is all just speculation, you understand.


    I couldn''t help it, I started snickering. The sailor up here atop the mast with me gave me a look, but I waved him off, shaking my head. Understood, Dad. Just speculation about what horrible things might happen to people who offend storm gods and their relatives. Got it.


    Exactly.


    Thanks for the, uh, speculation, Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.

 Day Five Hundred And Twenty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    "Do not fear having Children,


    Feed, Protect, and Educate,


    Your best is all you can do."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Children


    Yeah, I don''t want people not having kids because they think I''ll rain Divine retribution down on them if they screw up. I mean, legit good faith effort screw up, not fuck around and then claim you didn''t know that locking your kids in their room and sliding pizza under the door for eighteen years was not actually a viable parenting method. Like, I get that there''s the whole ''spare the rod and spoil the child'' mentality, and as wrongheaded as that is, I get that there are folks who literally cannot think of a way to get their kids to avoid touching the oven other than smacking them whenever they reach for it. I personally would sit my kid down and talk to them until they understood, but based on the Academy suite I''m guessing that Saffron, Marie, Siobhan and I baby proofed the shit out of that room to keep little Miss Menace from auto-destructing.


    I''m doing my best with our kids, especially with Ria, what with her being not just legit someone else''s who we kinda stole just a little bit, but also so deeply in need of affection. Like, she already knows all kinds of basic stuff, and even some not so basic stuff. She already knows basic Mana Shaping, and if Isnomi can do that too, she''s got the undeniable advantages of having Saffron''s genes and being a fuckin'' Goddess. Which makes me want to get a full set of Cards Against Humanity and alter the one card to say ''Being a Motherfucking Goddess'', since I am apparently one of those, and that would just be too funny for words.


    But yeah, I don''t want people spawning for bad reasons, but I also don''t want them avoiding kids because of me. Shit, I''m really hoping that somehow whatever crazy idea Future Me, Karen, and I''m assuming Saffron came up with that put child care centers into brothels is gonna work out for the best. I guess when I think about it I realize that brothels run a pretty high chance of ''accidental kid'', so having a professional caretaker there to deal with those accidental kids is just good planning. Of course, now I''m a little worried about there being some kind of orphanage to brothel pipeline, which could be bad. On the other hand, if I can extricate enough heads from asses about sex work that it either loses or doesn''t get the kind of stigma I remember from back at Eastside, I could also see that being just fine. Like, seriously, I''ve seen trucks rolling around with shit like ''Ramirez and Sons and Sons Plumbing'', where they''re obviously proud of having three generations of plumbers in the family. Decent odds they''re pretty good at it, what with Ramirez the eldest handing down the trade secrets, and his sons refining them and doing the same with their kids. I don''t see why the same couldn''t hold true for prostitutes. Seriously, they''re just a different type of service worker handling a different type of bodily fluid. You sure as shit don''t want either one saying ''oops'' right in the middle of them clearing your pipes, either.


    So if yesterday was a pretty boring day, today got just plain stupid. Overnight the temperature dropped to the point where the water started freezing. Admiral Pesce had a couple of his sailors loosen up the ropes holding us to the dock so we had some slack. Something about the frozen water maybe lifting the Questing Tentacle, or shifting it around. I couldn''t do much except carry them over there then help with raw muscle power, but they seemed appreciative that i was willing to pitch in, not to mention listening to them and not just applying the Gordian Knot solution of Mana Blading the rope apart. At one point they did have me punch it a couple times; apparently some bits had frozen together, and just giving it a good whack loosened it up enough for them to untie it.


    When that was done and everybody but me and Karen went indoors and bundled up to avoid turning into sailorsicles, things got even super quiet. The only real sounds were the creaking of the ice, the distant wind from the localized blizzard holding the Fae Fleet in place, and then, not long before dawn, the sounds of somebody on shore singing. Took me a minute to knock the ice out of my ears to really hear the lyrics, and when I did I more or less realized who was singing. "We''ve got the best ale, we''ve got the best tail, if life has you wanting to wail, come visit our inn, we''ve got cures for sale."


    After telling Karen I''d be right back, I hopped across to where I remembered the first row of non-dry dock buildings. Still couldn''t see shit through the gently falling snow. We weren''t getting much in the way of wind, and it wasn''t piling up super fast, but in the middle of a cloudless night with snow coming down visibility dropped to ''fuck your ability to see''. So I just kinda hopped a few yards at a time toward where I heard that voice coming from, until I hopped a little too far and suddenly she was behind me. I turned around, trudged forward, and there she was, a super curvy, super naked chick standing there in the show.


    "Uh, hey there."


    "Oh, my!" She had the patter and the body language down as she did a little startled gesture where she raised one hand to her mouth, then swayed toward me. "You look like you could use some warming up!"


    At that point I remembered that we had like two yards of cloth between the two of us, most of it covering one of my legs. "Yeah, I..." I stuttered a little when she did the ''assume the sale'' prostitute glomp thing. Y''know, that salesman''s gimmick of ''put the product in the consumer''s hands'', only with the product being, y''know, the fluffy in the BBW way woman who''d just made a decent attempt at forcing a wardrobe malfunction using nothing but her torso. "Wow. You''re really friendly. Also surprisingly warm for it being colder than Ymir''s buttcrack out here."This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.


    She giggled. "Saucy, too! Don''t you worry about me, Selkies have swum in colder water than this." She batted at some falling snow, then suggestively licked the flakes that stuck to her palm off. "But you don''t seem any warmer than the snow itself, sugar."


    I chuckled. "Yeah, I might have a bit of Jotnar in me."


    "Ooh. Any chance I could get a little Jotnar in me?"


    Look, I totally get that the woman rubbing herself against me was a professional trying to close a sale, but as I may have mentioned, I am not immune to propaganda. And while I still needed to get Marie to... fuck it. Marie?


    Vlickies?


    Make Saffron a pair of booty shorts with the word ''propaganda'' embroidered across the ass, please?


    Amazing how direct mental communication could send emotions with such fidelity, like the sudden eager enlightenment accompanying Marie''s mental voice. Yes!


    At any rate, my momentary diversion to the curvy brunette I wanted to be fondling distracting me from the curvy brunette currently trying to entice me into transactional fondling, I looked down into her eyes and said, "Don''t get me wrong, I appreciate the offer, and hey, if the wives and I are looking for somebody with a bit more comfy padding than our current concubine, I''ll keep you in mind, but right here and now is not the time."


    Credit where it''s due, she did not bat an eye at my mention of ''wives'' and ''concubine''. Okay, I think I may have seen little dollar signs deep in her eyes as she thought about triple rates, because that shit costs extra. Instead she said, "oh, honey, I''m sure they wouldn''t mind." She scooched a little closer, impressive with how close she was already scooched, and said, "I certainly wouldn''t."


    I might have rolled my eyes a little. I definitely sighed and said, "there''s a fleet of ships less than a day out of Rich Man''s Port, and they do not look to be friendly."


    She snorted. "Ain''t nobody does at first."


    She looked like she had some snappy patter after that. Not sure what, but I''m sure it had something to do with her whole ''cash for orgasms'' stock in trade. So I decided right then and there to cut this short, because I figured either I could get her to spread the word instead of her legs, or I could at least warn her and move on. "Bane-Sidhe."


    I swear I''ve never had somebody disengage that fully that fast before. Left a little bit of my skin icing up where she''d been maybe sweating on me. I hoped that was sweat. "The fuck, sugar?"


    "We''re not absolutely certain, but our best guess is that there are Bane-Sidhe with that fleet. I don''t think they''re the type to be interested in your services."


    "You don''t say?" She shook her head, then stopped. "Wait, you''re one of those Alliance folks, aren''t you?"


    I smirked at her. "Yeah, you could say that." She frowned, and I heaved another sigh. "Look, if we''re wrong, you guys will just be hunkered down for the storm, and if they''re all just merchants looking for a new market, you can open your doors and fleece them to your heart''s content. But if we''re right, you guys do not want to be out on the street if shit goes down. Hell, if you''ve got a basement, someplace sturdy and secure? Get into it." She kept frowning, but nodded. "Think you can spread the word? I think folks might spend less time trying to get into your pants than mine."


    Her frown melted into a smirk, and she glanced down at her complete lack of pants, then glanced back to where I had, in fact, forgotten my own panties. "Yeah, I''ll spread the word. If they are here for a fight, what are you lot gonna do?"


    I nodded. "The Alliance stands firmly in support of House Crow and Rich Man''s Port. If they start anything? We''ll finish it."


    She sighed, then shook off the show that had settled on her hair and shoulders. "Good to know. Thanks for the warning, sugar. I''ll pass it on."


    I waited until she went back inside the... inn? Brothel? Bar? Whatever it was, she went in and closed the door behind her, and I stepped back to the deck of the Questing Tentacle.


    After sunrise proper, the snowfall let off a bit. Not gone entirely, but dying back to a steady light fall that gave us visibility to that first row of buildings from the deck of our ship. Unlike the previous day, none of them stood open. None of the drydocks, even the ones with ships in them, had anybody working in or around them. Oddly enough, it didn''t quite feel like every person who''d found a hiding spot was... cowering, exactly. More... waiting. I realized right then and there that Rich Man''s Port definitely had a lot of old Eastside Camden in it. Nobody back there would start a fight if some outsiders walked in sporting military gear and looking like an army. But holy shit, if any of them lagged behind, or they started shit without provocation, they''d find themselves buried in a ton of dudes who might have nothing more dangerous than a sharp stick, but there''s a reason the saying is ''better than a sharp stick in your eye''.


    We sat there, the snow muffling the silent docks even further, waiting.


    As the sun neared the western horizon, the storm to our east seemed to die down. Just as it did, the prow of a long, lean ship poked around the curve of the river through the curtain of falling snow. A few figures stood on the deck, not unlike the Questing Tentacle. Just enough to steer the ship over the first empty dock, where a single tall, thin crewman leapt from the ship to the dock, tied her down, then leapt back to the deck in a single smooth motion. Six more ships came around the bend. The next two, like the first one, moved in creepy silence. They got to the far end of the docks and weighted anchor without moving close to the docks themselves, Then went silent and still. The next four came around two by two, the lead ships towing the ones following them. None of those four looked good, and the two being towed had lost every mast on them. They pulled just far enough forward to be ''in Rich Man''s Port'', basically crossing the invisible line where the ''snowfall'' had turned to ''storm'', then dropped anchor and went still and silent themselves.


    Kitten? They''re here.


    Have they done anything yet?


    Nope. One docked, the other six anchored mid-river.


    Well then. It looks like they''re waiting for something. Given that Rich Man''s Port has plenty of stores to last the winter, and we can Translocate food in for our people if we have to? We can outwait them.


    I hate waiting.


    I solemnly swear that I will reward you for your vigilance, my love.


    Gotta say, my Kitten does know how to motivate me.


    But I still hate waiting.

 Day Five Hundred And Twenty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    "If a Child has no one else,


    And you take them as your own,


    You''re my kind of Good Person."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Children


    Realized as I sat down to write today''s Verse that I''ve got a whole shit ton of ''thou shalt not'' in my Doctrine, and at least for the bits I''m proud of, like Passion and Ecstasy and absolutely Children, I really need to have more in the way of ''Tabby Likey''. If somebody wants to use me and my beliefs as their Moral Compass, which apparently I don''t get a choice about them doing, it just seems to make sense that along with what to avoid I give them some tips about what to do. Like if they avoid all the bad parts of Vengeance and Bloodlust and Justified Homicide, and they''re up to their eyeballs in Agency and Egalitarianism and Redemption, that''s great, they sound like somebody I''d want to sit down and have a drink or three with. Just hang around and shoot the shit.


    Thing is, you can easily be into those core Values, avoid all the bad stuff I''ve got Domains for, and still wind up being all about, I dunno, miniature wax sculptures of cattle or some shit. Now I''m not saying I''m gonna deny access to the afterlife of their choice for somebody who''s all about the low melting temp bovine minifigs, but they would not be my first choice of drinking companions. I think we all know I''m not terribly picky, but that doesn''t mean I don''t have preferences, and while I''ve got the mic I''m gonna tell folks what will make me go all gooey to sit and listen to them chatter. I don''t think that''s a step too far. I guess when I''m done writing I''ll run all this past Saffron and Siobhan and maybe Marie.


    Not that I don''t think Marie has opinions, but she generally isn''t super loquacious about them. Like, if something is important, she''ll bring it up, but she won''t go on describing the problem and suggesting answers and all that shit. She mentions it, lets other people sort out their own view of and solution for the problem, then makes it clear if she thinks it''s insufficient. I''d really like it if she were a little more... I don''t want to say ''invested'', because she has made it very clear that she''s not only all in, she''s all in to a degree that scares even her. But I wish she had the capacity and desire to express herself with the rest of us verbally. Okay, she might have the desire, but it''s pretty clear she doesn''t have the capacity, what with the whole ''mouth full of fangs'' thing.


    Kinda makes me wonder whether Menace will ever overcome her Hell of Teeth lisp, what with Murder Mittens not having one. Honestly, I don''t think she will, because she gives absolutely no shits about what anybody who disses her lisp thinks about it. Which, let me be clear, is exactly how it should be. But she also has the ability to put the Hell of Teeth away if she wants to be all formal and enunciate properly, so the whole need to work up those anti-lisp skills doesn''t really exist.


    Okay, I''m not gonna do this, because it would be weird, but now I want to be a fly on the wall the first time she goes down on a guy who is aware of the Hell of Teeth when she looks up at him and says, ''oh tay, awe you weddy fowah thith''. Okay, I gotta pay close attention to whenever she''s ready for important intimate life tips, because when she is I gotta mention to her that doing that will definitely be a way to weed out the boys with insufficient intestinal fortitude to deal with her inevitable bullshit.


    Yes, I am aware my daughter will give her partners bullshit. I give my partners all kinds of bullshit all the time, if she never does I''ll be stunned. Not unhappy, mind you, just stunned.


    So the ships that came in yesterday did fuck all yesterday. Just sat there gathering snow. I got a quick nap while Karen stood watch, then joined her on deck for the rest of the night. At sunrise I sent her below decks to get some rest, then settled in up in the prow where I had a good view of the docked Fae ship, No idea what kind of ships they were, just long and lean and... still surprisingly ugly. Like, the hulls were nice, but the sails. I kind of expected with that sharp, curved prow that they''d have some kinda triangular sails, but instead they had square chunky shit. Like, yeah, most of the Questing Tentacle''s sails were square, but not all of them, and the Questing Tentacle had to be at least twice the size of the Fae boats. But nope, just nothing but broad chunky sails.


    Well, they''d had them up until the sun came out, at which point a couple crewmen came out and took them down. Rolled them up. Whatever, they put them away. I am not a sailing ship girl. At which point Admiral Pesce, who''d braved the cold to do a quick walk around the deck checking to make sure everything was where ti was supposed to be, stopped next to me and shook his head.


    "Sad," he muttered. "Dunno if they''re just awful sailors, or their captain is lax, or someone other than a naval officer is in charge, but you don''t leave the sails out all night like that."


    As quietly as he had, I said, "you know that''s not good news, right?" When he glanced down at me, eyebrow raised, I said, "that means either their refugees who stole some boats, in which case they''d have left the ships a lot sooner, or they''re the kind of stuck up asshole who doesn''t listen to a professional because they think they know better."


    He sucked his teeth, nodded, then moved along to get under cover. I envied him a little, but I wasn''t taking my eyes of that fucking docked ship. For a minute I worried about the other ships doing some shady shit with Marine Commando types, but then I thought about how the Blessing had shown me the Trolls as professional soldiers, how they all moved with that kind of dangerous ponderousness I''d seen our ROTC teachers and occasional visiting Drill Instructors move with, and how they fuckin'' called themselves a Legion and seemed like that was just their life. They might or might not win a fight against some unknown force, but they certainly wouldn''t lose quietly.You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.


    So I sat there, bored out of my skull, for most of the day, staring at their boat while fuck all happened.


    Then, about an hour before sunset, the side of their ship facing the dock folded outward into a ramp extending to the dock. five figures rode across the ramp; first three armored dudes, then somebody in long, all-concealing robes, then a final armored dude. My eyes kept going back to their horses until I realized that they were not, in fact, horses. Big chests, quadrupeds, long legs, yeah, and their heads had a kind of horsiness about them, but they didn''t move like horses. Instead of that clop clop thing horses did, they walked different. Like they wanted to prowl, but something had them walking stiff legged instead.


    You seein'' this, Kitten? Even inside my head I whispered.


    Nightmares. Sidhe Knights. Saffron hissed. I do not know who the robed figure is, but given the time and escort, I suspect an envoy. Not unlike Karen.


    Speaking of. I turned to the Highest Priestess in question and thought, let Tallulah know she''s about to receive visitors. Back her up. I''ll be watching and ready to intervene.


    I go.


    When I looked through her eyes, she''d bent down next to the Overlord''s ear where she sat on her throne, the image of an advisor bringing a message for the ruler''s ears only. She whispered what we''d seen, and I shot her an image of the five mounted folks trudging through the snow. I''ll keep an eye on them as long as I can, so Lady Crow can time whatever she wants to do to receive them. Karen whispered that as well.


    I did my part by pulling out my binocs and tracking the robed figure as they moved straight toward the Overlord''s Keep. Just as they passed the row of inns, brothels, and bars, a groaning crash jerked my head around; the Fae ship had pulled its ramp up, and unlike deploying it they''d made a hell of a racket. When I looked back toward the mounted figures, they''d disappeared into the snow. "Shit!" Karen, I lost them going past Brothel Row.


    Understood, Goddess.


    She leaned in to murmur to Tallulah, and I leapt to the roof of the nearest inn. I scanned the road first without the binoculars, then with, but no joy. Instead of screwing around trying to hunt them down, I stepped back to the deck of the Questing Tentacle, stepped into the cabin under the raised rear deck, and said, "just lost sight of their envoys. Get everyone ready for potential hijinks."


    Then I braced myself against the inside of the door and focused on my feed from Karen. Time crawled by, but after maybe half an hour Karen saw a hitherto hidden door at the far end of the hall from the throne creak open. A big fuckin'' door, as the riders rode straight into the room, one mounted Knight in the lead, followed by the robed... woman, I guessed based on the cut of her robes and some hair sticking out from under her hood, who had one Knight on each side of her. Finally, the last Knight brought up the rear. Tallulah''s bodyguards didn''t move, but I got the definite impression that some intense rapid motion was definitely an option.


    The Overlord herself had some serious stones, because she straight up refused to acknowledge the foursome as she finished dealing with the pair of shipwrights in front of her. After that she waved the rest of the general crowd aside, but then waved one of the local Fae forward. "Ser Bight, I believe you have the right of it as regards our likely future shipping needs. Continue your project as we discussed previously, and inform Lady Bey that the Overlord has decreed she is to assist you in your endeavors."


    Bight, who looked kinda surprised that she''d decided to talk to him, let alone that she''d sided with him, said, "as you wish, Overlord," then bowed, backed away, and turned like he intended to haul ass before she could change her mind. At that point he realized the visitors were kinda blocking the doorway, and he froze like a snake that had somehow spotted a hawk flying overhead. Which all the other Sidhe and assorted Fae looking folks had long since done, which made me think Ser Bight might be the Moon Moon of Tallulah''s Court.


    "Oh, Magrat. I hadn''t noticed your arrival. Had you sent a messenger prior, I should have had guest rooms prepared."


    As the Knight in front of her stepped his horse neatly to the side, ''Magrat'' stepped hers forward about halfway to where he''d been, pulling the hood of her robes down as she did. Without anything but looking at her face, I could tell that she and Tallulah had to be cousins, at the very least. "My name is Mair¨¦ad, great-niece. But then, you always did have that diction problem. I thought by now you''d have mastered it." She shook her head. "No matter. I come bearing notice."


    "Oh?"


    "Yes. On the morrow, at sunset, The Morrigan, Queen of the Sidhe, shall grace your court with her presence. She requires you to have your family prepared for her review."


    Tallulah nodded as if she''d expected that. "Bother. Adrienne is unlikely to respond to my summons. No matter. I suppose Greatmother wishes to find a more suitable heir apparent. My children and I will await her visit tomorrow at sunset."


    With that, the Overlord turned back to her Fae Courtiers, utterly ignoring her... relative, who stood there seething for like half a minute before sniffing, spinning her horse around, and following her Knights back out of the Keep. The moment the doors swung shut with a bang, Tallulah waved Karen over without looking away from her current supplicant. She spoke without turning her head, but so low I was certain nobody but Karen could hear her.


    "I require my daughters returned tomorrow before sunset. In addition, any suitable aid The Alliance wishes to provide ought best be deployed before then as well."


    "Of course, Overlord." Imperator, Goddess, did you hear that?


    I''m a touch distracted at the moment. Tabitha, could you arrange to have the Crows returned to the Overlord''s Keep in time?


    I wasn''t super sanguine about Kitten choosing this particular moment to find something else that needed her attention, but screw it, if she thought something was important enough to distract her, it was important.


    You got it, Kitten.

 Day Five Hundred And Twenty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    "Your Children ain''t part of you,


    But they come from part of you,


    Love what you have in common."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Children


    Like, I get that there are gonna be kids who are just as ADHD as their parents, and there''s no controlling hyperfocus, so sometimes their thing is not gonna be their parent''s thing. But that doesn''t mean you can''t stop and listen to them passionately describe something you find to be like paint drying. Shit, you can''t control hyperfocus, but maybe you can bait it a little bit. Like when you realize you''ve got a new one, you toss it out toward them and see if they take the bait. No guarantee they''ll wind up with the same obsession, but then there''s not a whole lot that''s guaranteed in life. Hell, I assume that if Saffron''s injured and recovering at some point she''ll be too sore for sex. Same probably goes for Siobhan. Although given that ''literally dead'' to ''picture of health'' in a few minutes is apparently possible with Magical Healing, I don''t see it happening any time soon, what with me being able to do both of those things.


    But my point about kids is that you''re gonna have stuff in common with them. It might not be stuff you can share directly, like if Menace turns out to be just as much of a horndog as me, I don''t care how hot the dude is, I just can''t get over the ew of sharing him. Like, at the same time. Maybe in serial, if separated by a shower and at least a few hours, but he''d have to be, like, Saffron boy mode hot. Like, Keanu hot. Okay, yeah, if she brought him home and said, ''momma, you gotta try this'' and shoved me into a room with him, I think that might melt my resolve like butter under a blow torch.


    On the other hand, I could totally see the two of us sitting on beach chairs watching dudes walk by, commenting on the ones that catch our eye, maybe playing wingman for each other. Y''know, girlfriend shit. Which I guess is what you try to do with your kids eventually, just be friends with them.


    Thing is, I also guess why you can''t do that early on. When they''re little kids, they''re not even close to peers yet. The parent has all the power and all the responsibility. But even then you can set that whole eventual friendship deal up by not being a dick about that. By treating them like people, not like animals or toys. Okay, I''m pretty sure my sister played fetch with me when I was real little, and I loved that shit, but ''fetch'' is just ''catch'' for the athletically challenged.


    Speaking of challenges, I think I''d discovered my greatest one. I''d heard all about the battles I''d fought. Armies, Champions, Undead, all of them were things that might have killed me, but I could have gone down fighting, or done what I did and toughed it out and killed them a whole bunch, but this... this was my nemesis.


    Waiting.


    Fortunately I had shit to do, or I might have started a war out of sheer intolerable boredom. Just a little one. Only a few thousand troops total. Mostly just me kicking the shit out of Fae and having my scaly bois gather up the pieces. But as I said, I had things I had to do, and I am a mature adult woman, so first I hopped up to the Alliance headquarters. Right into the Grand Council chamber, where I spotted a new desk in the group facing Kitten''s chair and her big rock. The Rich Man''s Port desk, clearly, what with Cailyn sitting behind it writing. I stepped up behind her and watched her write. She had incredible handwriting, all fancy, almost like calligraphy. Weirdest thing; I knew I was looking at something other than English, but I also knew what she was writing. Basically notes about today''s Grand Council discussions. Stuff about schools and plumbing.


    She reached the end of the word she''d been writing, set her pen down carefully in what looked to be a dedicated pen holding slot on the desk, half turned to me and said, "Champion. To what do I owe the pleasure?"


    I kept by reply low. "Your mom asked me to bring you back home for a visit with her great grandmother."


    I didn''t fail to notice how she froze for just a moment when I mentioned The Morrigan, even obliquely. She nodded and said, "walk with me?"


    I nodded, then wordlessly followed her to what turned out to be her rooms. Not a patch on our place back at Lancaster House, and way smaller than what we''d built at the Homestead, but she had a decent sized front room, a bedroom beyond that, and what looked to be a reasonably modern bathroom connected to both. Honestly, for a single person or even a couple, this would be a nice little apartment. No kitchen, but I''m pretty sure the Alliance HQ had a cafeteria or something. If this was where the Grand Councilors lived while at the Alliance Headquarters building, I could get behind it. Not ''lap of luxury'', what with the rooms being overall close to the size of our rooms at the Academy, but plenty comfortable. Even if somebody didn''t have a home address elsewhere, which I just couldn''t see for somebody with a title like ''Grand Councilor''.


    "You didn''t seem real thrilled when I told you who''d come to visit."


    Cailyn froze again, just that momentary pause to reassess and move on. "She''s here? I far more than half expected to be visiting the Celtic Isles." By her tone she definitely was not happy about the news.


    "Is that odd?"


    "I''m surprised she came in person, what with, you know..." She waggled her fingers in an obvious impression of tentacles.


    "Oh, yeah, she came by ship." Cailyn froze again. "Whole little fleet, seven ships in Rich Man''s Port''s harbor. Well, one at the docks, the others anchored... what''s wrong?"


    She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "What you originally told me made me suspect she intended to choose a new High Priestess to represent her in Atlantis."


    "What happened to the old one?"


    While we spoke, Cailyn pulled a dress out of a handy little walk in closet in the bedroom. "She disavowed Mother the evening before your Ambassador arrived in Rich Man''s Port." Fuck. That wasn''t good. "Well, at least Mair¨¦ad isn''t here."


    "Uh..."


    Cailyn froze yet again. Just to be clear, none of these were huge ''reboot moment'' things, just... normally she moved with such smooth, fluid grace that even the tiniest hiccup stood out. "Shit."


    That was also very not-Cailyn. "Do I even wanna know?"


    Cailyn carefully folded a few dresses, including one very nice one, into a fancy clothing bag. "I suppose it can''t hurt if you do. The Alliance has been nothing but helpful to our family, although I guess if we lose Rich Man''s Port, that will end. Mair¨¦ad has always been jealous of Mother''s position in Rich Man''s Port. Envious as well."


    "No offense, but she doesn''t seem like the nautical type."


    "She''s not. She only wants it because Mother has it."


    I nodded my understanding. "Uh, how attached to Mair¨¦ad are you." I held up my hand. "Wait, no. How attached to Mair¨¦ad is Ria."


    Cailyn tilted her head. "She doesn''t know the woman. Mother loathes Mair¨¦ad, and other than being The Morrigan''s favored useless toady, Mair¨¦ad holds no official position Ria needed to memorize."


    I nodded. "Cool. So if she''s not in the picture any more?"


    Cailyn blinked. "Are you suggesting assassinating my great aunt in cold blood?"


    "Nah." I smiled at her. "But that kind of bitch can''t resist trying to pull shit, and I can assure you, given the situation I am find with any finding out she receives upon fucking around will invalidate her for the position of High Priestess in Atlantis."


    "Dare I ask?"


    I shrugged. "I could just yeet her back to Europa. I mean, my aim''s not all that great, she might not hit the Celtic Isles, but Europa''s a big place. I''m sure I won''t land her in Africa or Asia."


    "And how would she survive landing?"


    I smiled at her again. "You ask me that like it''s my problem."


    "You would do this for my family?"


    I shrugged. "I''d do it to keep my kid from being upset at her mom losing her home. Oh, and, y''know, Alliance supporting House Crow and Rich Man''s Port. All that good stuff."


    She sighed, slumped a little from her normal graceful bearing. "Well. At least we''re not alone. Your support is appreciated."


    I nodded, waited for her to pick up her satchel, and stepped her back to the Crow''s private dining room in the Overlord''s Keep.


    Then I had to head home and do the hard part. At least for this one I''d have backup. Of course, the biggest backup turned out to me MIA. Kitten?


    I''m a touch busy at the moment with a project, love. Can you ask Siobhan to fill in for me this evening at bath time?


    Sure. I worried in silence for a second. You gonna be with us tomorrow in Rich Man''s Port? Or at least available?


    I very much hope so, love. I would be with you right now, but my current project requires my physical presence as well as most of my attention.


    Oh. Um...


    She stayed silent for a second, then sighed. Very well. If you must know, I''m working on your Yule present.


    Shit! I haven''t gotten yours yet!


    Her laughter filled my head. If it''s anything near as incredible as my birthday gifts, I can''t wait to see it.


    Cool! Okay, Kitten. I hope to see you tomorrow, but if you''re still busy, just remember I love you.


    I love you more than life itself, my beautiful Goof. I always will. No matter what else. Never forget that.If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    Okay. G''night.


    Good night, my Goof. Now go, the children are waiting.


    She was right, they were. I got a slightly flustered Siobhan to fill in for Saffron, and wound up with visions of your girl Tabitha in a short stack sandwich when Ice Pop shapeshifted into the spitting image of my Kitten before anybody else realized Saffron couldn''t make it. I didn''t have the heart to remind her that Menace could somehow sniff out shapeshifters. She did a surprisingly good Saffron impression, too, although it was definitely ''nurturing mom Saffron'' and not ''tyrant Imperator Saffron''.


    When Ria''s turn to be toweled down arrived, i leaned in and said, "your mother wants you back to visit with your great grandmother tomorrow night."


    She looked a little confused for a moment, then her eyes shot open. "The Morrigan?" she squeaked loud enough to get everyone''s attention. I did not fail to notice Menace''s not at all subtle drift toward Ria the moment she heard that.


    "Yeah." She trembled in my arms while trying to keep her emotions in check, and I pulled her in for a hug. "Don''t worry, kiddo. You''re my kid too now. I''ll be there with you, I''ll keep your mom safe."


    Right then Isnomi''s arms wrapped around Ria from behind. "Yeth, thith. We be theweh to keep you thafe."


    I shot Isnomi an absolute mother lode of hairy eyeball at that. "No you will not, Isnomi Aetos-Diaz. Your mother would tan my hide if I let you go into a situation like that. Hell, I wouldn''t take Ria except her mother specifically said she needs her there." I looked back at Ria. "Your sister thinks your great grandmother may be picking a new High Priestess for Atlantis. She wants to see you two, so maybe she''s gonna pick one of you. Wouldn''t that be neat?"


    With that solemn serious look she did so well, Ria nodded. "That would be quiet neat. She might also be there to execute our entire family to clear the way for her chosen Priestess."


    "Yeah, no. Not happening, little corvid. She lays a hand on you, she won''t be needing a new High Priestess so much as a new hand."


    Ria looked at me, wide eyed. "You... you''re very confident."


    "Yeth. Mama bad donkey."


    I snorted. "I think you mean badass."


    "An now Mama gwounded."


    I couldn''t help it, I laughed out loud at that. I pulled them both into a hug, and eventually Isnomi and my laughter managed to infect even solemn little Ria. "Okay, you two. Menace, can you help your sister pack? I''m sure she''ll want a nice dress for meeting her great grandmother in, and she''ll want something to wear for the trip in the morning."


    "Yeth!" With that they scampered off to Marie, I guess to get her help with packing.


    The rest of bath time went pretty normally. Even Devorah seemed kind of subdued, although she did play around a little in the tub, trying to get my attention as I dried Chloe off.


    Didn''t get to dream, because I had to go back to my watch on the Questing Tentacle. Plans to meet peacefully or not, I trusted the Europan Fae and The Morrigan no further than I could throw them. Fortunately, I guess they decided they didn''t like the look of the massive built in crossbows on the Questing Tentacle. Either that or they were a little intimidated by the sheer amount of Cold Iron in her construction and on her crew.


    Definitely needed to reward Siobhan for Concubining above and beyond the call of duty, because when I looked through Marie''s eyes, I saw she''d spent the night shapeshifted into me, I guess to make the kids feel better.


    In the morning, after I sent Karen to get some rest and let the day shift take over, I stepped back to help Ria get ready. Mostly I just helped her with the toilet though, what with Marie being there to help her get dressed. I had to shut my face down when I realized what Marie''d dressed her in. Alex''s armor onesie; maybe a little baggy on her, but Alex herself pulled the hood up and gave her a hug. The rest of the kids glomped her as well, and I saw Maze slip her our copy of Wee Free Men. Fuck it, I don''t know where I got the ones I got, but I figured I''d figure out how to get more if something happened to it.


    One particular someone was very conspicuously missing. "Where''s Isnomi?"


    Ria bowed her head. Looking at the floor she said, "she was very angry about not being allowed to come with me. I haven''t seen her since last night."


    I sighed and picked her up. She had a little backpack, I guess for whatever nice dress she''d decided to bring along. It made her a little clumsy to lift; she was so light even a fancy dress weighed a solid percentage of what she did. I snuggled her and tried to comfort her with, "you know it''s cause she cares about you, right?"


    She nodded, solemn as ever. "Yes."


    I stepped us to her rooms. "You want me to help you get dressed up?"


    She shook her head. "I can dress myself."


    "It''s no problem." She shook her head. Stubborn little kid. Probably why she fit in so well with the rest of our little horde. "Okay then. You want me to send Marie to help?" She thought about that for a second, then shook her head. "Okay then. I gotta go watch and make sure your great aunt and great grandmother don''t do anything sus before dusk, but I''ll be back before she gets here, okay?"


    She nodded, then leapt forward and hugged me. I held her until she pulled away, then ruffled her hair and stepped back to the ship.


    More waiting. I hate fuckin'' waiting.


    Maybe an hour before dusk, the side of the Fae ship slid open. This time the ramp had to be at least three times wider; three of those Nightmares walked down the ramp side by side by side carrying a Fae Knight each. Then Mair¨¦ad followed between two more, then another robed woman between two more Knights, then three more Knights. I watched, hunkered down in the prow of the Questing Tentacle, until they passed the row of inns, at which point I stepped directly to Lady Crow''s throne room.


    The place was eerily empty. Lady Crow stood to the left of her throne, her bodyguards behind her, flanked by Lindsey and Cailyn, with Karen in her Cadet uniform on Cailyn''s far side. Ria stood just beyond Karen, and I chuckled a little as I realized she''d changed into a nicer dress than she''d been wearing to paint and mess around at the Homestead with the kids, but she still had her little backpack on. Lindsey looked insufferably smug, as always. I guess when you''re the one guy in such an obviously matriarchal family, you got to just be an asshole bystander to dynastic shit like this. Really glad we got to cement the political relationship by fostering Ria instead of maybe having to take Lindsey as a boy or some shit like that. Ew.


    I stepped up to Lady Crow and held out a hand. "She''ll be here shortly."


    Tallulah took my hand, squeezed it, and said, "it will be good to have a Goddess stand with us, if only to ensure we are allowed to leave in good health."


    I looked her straight in the eye and said, "hey, The Alliance stands with House Crow. Yeah, we''ll defend Rich Man''s Port, but we''re doing that because of you and your kids. She wants you out, she better have a damn good reason, or she''ll waddle home with an ass full of find out."


    Tallulah blinked. "She... But you..." She sighed. "I suppose she''s not the only one with other Deities supporting her now, is she?"


    "She is not." I nodded, then stepped over to stand next to Ria, who looked sorta nervous. "Hey kiddo. You okay?" She nodded. "We''re with you."


    "I know." She hitched her backpack up where it had slipped down a little, then did that little thing where she tried to grab for the stick she didn''t have with her.


    "Hey, when we''re done here, you want maybe we could go find you a new stick?"


    "Spear."


    "Spear? Okay. I think I might know where to get you a nice one." She just nodded at that, and I thought, Kitten? You gonna make it here today?


    I''m on the way, love, but I''m afraid I''m not in a position to Translocate to you.


    That confused me a little, but I kept my face straight, stifled my shrug, and thought, okay. Looking forward to seeing you again tonight then.


    And I you, love.


    Right about then those big doors at the far end of the hall swung open. Six Knights on their Nightmares rode in in two ranks, who then split off three to a side at the far end of the hall. Two more nightmares walked forward carrying the two women, who stopped as their last two Knights came even with the first two. They dismounted, then strode forward, pushing their cloaks back as they did. Mair¨¦ad strode to the right and a step behind the tall woman leading her. The Morrigan definitely looked like family to both Mair¨¦ad and the Crows, although where the Crows could be cousins, Mair¨¦ad looked like a daughter, or even a sister. Weird thing, I couldn''t quite focus on The Morrigan''s features. They blurred, almost like they shifted slightly from moment to moment. Unfortunately, that old brick of a mythology textbook hadn''t had much about The Morrigan except, y''know, Death Goddess with Ravens.


    The Morrigan strode right up without acknowledging any of us, spun around, and sat her ass in the throne. Yo, Kitten, you seeing this?


    I got the impression of an annoyed shrug, and a couple notes of oddly familiar music I couldn''t quite place. Yes. It appears Lady Crow has chosen to acknowledge her subordination to the Queen of the Sidhe. Queen outranks Overlord, as does Goddess. If the Morrigan has any sense of decorum, that ought to play in her favor, since that means she ought to be protecting her vassal.


    Wish you were here.


    Keep an eye on those Knights. I worry that The Morrigan might intend to test the Overlord''s mundane defenses, or Mair¨¦ad may be up to something underhanded.


    You got it. Let me know when you''re just about here?


    Oh, you''ll know. I got the mental image of a cryptic smile, then she cut the connection.


    The Morrigan had settled herself on the throne, and while Mair¨¦ad gave Tallulah an absolute booger look, she didn''t say anything as she wound up on The Morrigan''s left side instead of her right. "Overlord." I tensed a little, but The Morrigan nodded toward Tallulah.


    "My Queen. My... Goddess." Tallulah turned and knelt before The Morrigan, and I wasn''t sure if I''d imagined the little stutter in her voice as she referred to The Morrigan as ''her Goddess''. Which might not be the case, what with the whole ''disavowed'' thing. "Greatmother, you honor my Keep with your presence."


    "I do." Her gaze tracked from face to face along what I realized was a receiving line as Tallulah stood up and returned to her spot. Then The Morrigan swiveled her head the other way, past Tallulah, and looked at Lindsey. "Great grandson. So nice to see you in person."


    Lindsey stepped forward, almost but not quite jostling his mother aside, and knelt before The Morrigan, bowing his head. "My Goddess."


    The Morrigan lay her hand atop Lindsey''s head, a clear benediction. "My... Priest. Such an odd thing for me to have. I think, should I find a suitable High Priestess this evening, that I shall take you with me when I return to Europa."


    "I am honored." She removed her hand, and he stood, moving to flank Mair¨¦ad when he did. Smarmy motherfucker.


    The Morrigan''s gaze tracked to Cailyn. "This would be Cailyn?"


    Cailyn stepped forward and knelt in front of the throne. "I am, Majesty."


    "Stand up. Let me look on you." Cailyn complied, and The Morrigan stared at her, raking her gaze from her forehead to her feet and back. "Not entirely unacceptable, I suppose." Then she waved her back to the line. As Cailyn stepped back, The Morrigan looked at Karen and said, "Adrienne?"


    Karen stepped forward, shaking her head. "No, Majesty. I am Cadet Karen Smith, Ambassador of the Inter-City Alliance to Rich Man''s Port. Lady Crow requested I attend."


    "This... Alliance. They support Rich Man''s Port?"


    Karen nodded. "And House Crow."


    The Morrigan had a decent  poker face, but that last bit did not fill her with joy. Then again, it absolutely put the boogeriest of booger looks on M¨¢ir¨¦ad''s face. "I see. Well, I suppose it''s good to know that my great grandchildren will have a place, should House Crow no longer rule Rich Man''s Port." She sighed, pure theater. "Pity, you seem quite suited for the role of High Priestess." She waved Karen back, and my High Priestess returned to flanking Ria''s other side.


    The Morrigan turned to face Ria, only to have her gaze drawn to my own, almost as if she couldn''t help herself. "Who is this?"


    I nodded to her and gave her my best friendly smile. "Tabitha Diaz. Champion of the Alliance. Oh, and Patron Goddess of the Alliance too." I maybe smiled a little wider and said, "Ooh, can''t forget that I''m the Imperator''s Attack Dog." Almost on the edge of hearing, the sounds of swords loosening in sheathes whispered from the far end of the room.


    "And why, exactly, is there an Attack Dog in my Court?"


    "Oh, shit, sorry. I''m also Foster-Mother to Ria Crow, here to take her home once this is all done." I patted Ria on the shoulder, trying to convey to her that the moment we could leave, I''d get her ass out of her. Shit, if we needed to keep the scare up, I could have Karen take her home, really.


    The Morrigan did not seem totally sanguine with that answer, but other than pursing her lips and staring at me like she''d rather I knelt, or better yet crawled, or best of all just died, she didn''t say anything more to me. After a minute of us just staring at one another, she turned her gaze to Ria. "And you would be my youngest great grandchild, Ria?"


    Ria stepped forward, kneeling without moving her hands from the straps of her backpack. I noticed right then that she''d left the top undone. I guess maybe she''d been more nervous than she let on. "Yes, Majesty."


    The Morrigan waved for her to stand, and after Ria did, looked her up and down like she had with Karen and Cailyn. When she finished, she shook her head, an honest sigh leaking out of her. "I take it you are the ultimate cause of the recent unpleasantness?"


    "Yes, Majesty."


    The Morrigan nodded, her rueful smile somehow seeming both artificial and sincere. "You, child, would make an incredible High Priestess. Such talent in one so young."


    She paused, almost like she was trying to bait some kind of response out of the kid, but Ria followed rule number one when dealing with authorities; shut the fuck up.


    "It''s truly a shame, but you die. Now."

 Day Five Hundred And Twenty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    "Do not seek to harm Children,


    To do so will bring my wrath.


    Fuck around and find out, bitch."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Children


    Enough. Fuckin''. Said.


    "Excuse me? Did I..." My witty repartee failed as Ria crumpled to the floor. Something shot out of her backpack toward the Morrigan, an animal scream of fury preceding it. Another scream, one I hadn''t heard since the fight against Ares'' High Priests echoed through the room from right behind the throne. I dropped to a knee, reaching for Ria, Assess Health extruding... I realized right then, before the Assess Health finished Shaping itself. Karen! Get Cailyn and Tallulah out of here!


    The Morrigan''s shriek didn''t silence either of the roars around her. I glanced up to see something like a Honey Badger ripping into The Morrigan. One of her, because somehow there were now three of the bitches. Murder Mittens stood overpowering another one, while the third pointed imperiously. "Mair¨¦ad! Summon the Bane-Sidhe! Scour this pit of all its filth!"


    I had something more important to do. I realized right then that my amnesia had left its mark. Protect. Heal. Then Avenge. "Revive." I lay my hand on Ria''s head, wincing as her hair flaked away like ash. The Revive went into effect, and I collapsed to my knees, barely holding myself up with one hand, as her tiny form sucked in Mana at a rate I couldn''t sustain.


    Out of the corner of my eye I saw a boulder of fur and fangs drop out of midair, adding another roar to the room as the She-Bear piledrove the final Morrigan through the throne and into the wall behind it. "Lord!" the Morrigan shrieked. "Aid me! Please!"


    The Revive kept pulling Mana from me, and something in me shattered when Ria''s head powdered under my hand despite all I could do. Holding my rage at bay by the skin of my teeth, I Shaped a Filtration Ward around the dust the rest of her had decayed into. I stepped to M-Space, but instead of Ria''s Soul, I saw a vaguely Ria-shaped form of ash, parts of it even now being sucked away.


    "No."


    I lifted myself to my feet with nearest tentacle, drawing Mana from it as I did.


    "Daughter?"


    "The fuck you want, Ma?" I growled.


    "Only to know your intentions toward your brother." I froze, and she continued. "Will you give him the chance you''ve given others?"


    That''s when I realized that Ria wasn''t blowing away in the wind. She was being sucked toward a one legged, one armed, one winged figure standing a few feet away, his mouth open, his one eye closed. "Balor?"


    "As I said. Your brother."


    I reached into the room with more tentacles, pulled on Mimic''s Mana, and shaped the same Divine Ward I''d put around Artemis while I tortured her to death. This one smaller, just big enough to keep the remains of Ria''s Soul in one place. "I''m assuming he''s why Ria went to dust like that?"


    Domnu shook her head. "That is the nature of the Sidhe. They live until they do not, and when they no longer live, the Mana that sustained them burns them away in an instant."


    "How do I Revive that?"


    She snorted. "How does one unburn ash?"


    I frowned at her, stepping over to her, pulling her to me by her coring tentacles, making it very clear I was in no mood for shit. "He stands down, or even just stands by and doesn''t interfere, I''m wiling to be civil. Cordial, even. We''ll sit down and have a beer, maybe. Shit, maybe Devorah''s got some mead done. That fuckin'' eye opens, he''s done."


    She nodded. "Acceptable."


    "Stay." I stepped over to stand in front of Balor, directly between him and Ria''s ashen Soul. I stepped back into time. "Hey, bro. Good to finally meet..."


    He didn''t even reply to me. Just sniffed, then said, "bother. I suppose I''m obligated at this point." Then he stepped to the Mortal Realm.


    I followed him, getting right up in his grille, where if he opened his eye, the only thing he''d see was me. Death didn''t scare me. Been there, done that, burned the tee shirt. But I didn''t know who was left in the room, and didn''t have time to check. "Bro? You really don''t want to do this." I put one hand on his shoulder, cupped the back of his head with the other one. "Keep your eye shut, listen to me wrecking some bitch''s shit, and I''ll take you out for a few brewskis later."


    His wing mantled, his claw sank into my side, ripping right through the ringmail woven into it. "Know this, fool who dares lay hands on Balor. Whoever I look upon dies. Once you fall, I shall gaze upon this battlefield and take your allies as my just due."


    Death didn''t scare me, but never give up the power of stories when you can bring one to bear. That''s just science. "Didn''t you know? You can beat her, slow her, shoot her, even stop her, but you can''t kill a dead woman."


    "Fool." He opened his eye, and pain washed over my entire body, feeling almost exactly like bleach smells. Over, through, past. Pain was an old... not friend, but we''d lent each other enough smokes I wasn''t gonna say we weren''t acquainted. I rammed my forehead right into his eye, bringing my knee into his crotch and pulling his shoulder and head toward me as I did. Blood burned my face, my whole damn front. Head wounds bleed a lot. I reached into him, through him, and pulled, yanking all of him here, forcing him to his current stature with hands and knee and tentacles wrapped around him holding him tight.


    "Bitch," he groaned.


    "You have no fucking idea, asshole." I let go of him with everything but my tentacles, slipped his eye from my hand to my mouth, shoving it in there like a jawbreaker. Yeah, your girl Tabitha remembered that fuckin'' legend. No loose WMDs here. The Primordial of Death dealt with, I turned to face the rest of the room, which still echoed with the shrieks, roars, and sounds of battle.


    Closest to me, Tallulah''s two bodyguards had faced off against The Morrigan''s Knights and lost. Well, were still losing, as two Knights held each Bodyguard on their knees while a third hammered at them with long handled maces. The other two Knights lay on the floor in spreading pools of blood. I wondered about the Nightmares until I realized all of them stood exactly where they''d been parked. Okay, all but one missing one. Mair¨¦ad rabbited, I guessed. Figuring I''d finish it quickly, I stepped six of me behind the Knights and did some rapid deep tissue acupuncture down either side of their spines with knuckle duster Mana Blades. Unfortunately, they didn''t so much collapse as stagger, and not all of my Mana Blades went through their armor.


    On a more positive note, Tallulah''s Bodyguards took that stagger as an opportunity to shove themselves upright and grab their attackers by the face and neck, tackling them and going to town with their fists. That left six of me and four of them, and they''d put their weapons away to hold the Bodyguards. Three of me took a clue from the Bodyguards and tackled the Knights. The other three demonstrated why being outnumbered in a fistfight was a bad idea.


    Back by the throne, despite a fair amount of blood, no bodies had hit the floor. Karen, Cailyn, and Tallulah had all disappeared. One Morrigan lay on the ground, her arms crossed in front of her face, as that fuckin'' badger thing ripped at her guts with its mouth and foreclaws and ripped at her arms with its hind claws. As I watched, those rear claws found purchase on her arms, shredded them while forcing them apart, and then the badger, no fucks given, shat on her face.


    Another Morrigan tried and failed to prevent the She-bear, grizzly large, from forcing her arms apart, leaning down, and taking her skull almost delicately in her jaws. The shrieking intensified as she bore down, again almost gently, and shit started cracking loud enough to be heard over the shrieking. Gods died hard.


    The final Morrigan in the room had a spear in hand, and Marie stood between her and Lindsey. Facing Lindsey, because apparently despite being a smarmy traitorous asshole, he had one of those weird pearl Mana Blades and knew how to use it. That Morrigan screamed, "DIE!" I winced, as did Marie. As did Lindsey.


    Then Murder Mittens growled out, "No." and leapt at Lindsey. He took steaming slices off of her claws, and as she leapt forward, claws coming in from below to gut him, brought his Mana Blade down and took her legs off. Roaring, she yanked his guts across a few dozen square feet. He snarled out something and brought his Blade back around again, taking her head and arms off.


    I''d held back because they''d been moving fast enough I couldn''t be sure I wouldn''t hurt Marie, but at this point that was moot. "See you in the morning, Mittens." I stepped right up in front of him, grabbing his wrists as I did. "Bad move, prick." I sliced his hands off. Burned my own a little as I did, but not so much I couldn''t keep hold of his wrists as I did unto him as I''d done unto Balor. Something about ramming your head right into the bridge of somebody''s nose is just satisfying. Even more so when their nose shatters. Even more when you keep doing that until something else shatters and they fall to powder in your arms.


    Of course now I had powdered Lindsey all over my fuckin'' front.


    A second later I had a spear through me. "Stupid little Demigoddess bitch. Die!"


    That nasty bleach feeling rolled over me, and I realized just then where she''d gotten that trick. I stepped behind her, stealing her spear away from her as I did, then grabbed her and pulled her to me. Of course the bitch had a boar spear, the kind that wouldn''t push back out, but now we were just two lumps of meat on the same kebab. I wrapped one arm around her neck, the other pulling her waist back to me until I felt the tip of the boar spear rip out through her front. Fuck it, if one story worked, two would work better. "That which is dead may never die. Bitch."


    Then as she shrieked profanity at me, I ran hair fine tentacles through her, pulled the rest of her back to the one in my arms. All of the rest of her. She whimpered at that, and before the shrieking curses could begin again, I tasted something like my Balor jawbreaker inside of her. I ferreted out each and every bit of that flavor, then ripped them all from her. "If you can''t play nice with your toys, I take them away, you cretinous thunder cunt." With that in mind I had those same tentacles rip away anything that tasted even faintly like Translocation or Co-Location.


    When I finished, she whimpered out, "even now my great granddaughter summons the Bane-Sidhe to turn this entire pitiful excuse for a City into an abattoir."


    "I''d ask if you ever shut the fuck up, but since you seem as constitutionally incapable as I am..." I grabbed her jaw and forehead and pulled, forcing her mouth wider and wider until I heard the crack of her jaw dislocating. Maybe breaking. I did not give the slightest fuck which at that point, but just in case I reached in, took a solid grip, and ripped her fuckin'' tongue out too. Then I collapsed back into one of me who''d been stomping a Knight into paste.If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    I left the boar spear behind in The Morrigan, with my tentacles keeping her hands too occupied and too shattered to do anything about it. Then I saw that the two Bodyguards had fallen taking out the last of her Knights, and I ripped her arms off.


    "Diana, keep an eye on Menace."


    I stepped out to the deck of the Questing Tentacle. Under the low hanging, leaden clouds, in the faint witch light from the lanterns aboard the Questing Tentacle, Mair¨¦ad stood on the deck of the docked Fae ship, screaming something as she fell to one knee, a row of Knights between her and us already crumpled to the deck, bleeding out, a couple of them blowing to dust as I watched. Dragonslayers stood reloading all along the rail, and Karen shouted, "Lower Deck, fire!"


    Another volley of bolts flew. Mair¨¦ad released a Shape into the sky, a fountain of glowing, moonlight sparks, right before enough bolts to stop a cavalry charge tore her apart and knocked her off the deck of the ship into the water. A moment later, Trolls swarmed out of the water, some climbing onto the dock, some straight up the side of the Fae ship.


    "Karen!" I wheezed a little where my side reminded me that I''d exceeded my daily recommended allowance of boar spear, and just pointed at first one concentration of Fae ships, then the other. She got my meaning immediately, as within seconds of that fountain of sparks, each of the ships had a small unit of Knights carrying tall shields step out from below decks, a single hyper-violet glowing figure in the midst of each group.


    Karen proved right then that I''d chosen well for my Highest Priestess. No long soliloquy, no wailing and gnashing of teeth, just instant response. "Shit. Dragonslayers! To the stern and aft firing ports! Ranks fire as you bear on those Bane-Sidhe!"


    Where''s the Marshall and Potami?


    Her response came as quickly as her orders to the Dragonslayers had. Guarding the Overlord and Cailyn in the forward cabin. Then, almost sheepishly. As per my orders.


    I laughed out loud in response as I leapt to the forward Siege Crossbow. I spun it around and aimed at one of the Bane-Sidhe on the decks of the undamaged Fae ships. It thrummed, almost as loud as Vulcan, if nowhere near as climactic, and three of the Knights wound up pinned to the crumpling mast of that ship. "The fuck?" Right about then I realized I''d probably given up my Archery Skill when I healed Artemis and had what was left of Apollo turned into a bow. At this range, our regular Crossbows still had the power to take someone down, but if whatever armor the Knights wore wasn''t proof against Cold Iron, it was still enough that the shots that hit were lodging in them rather than punching through them.


    One Bane-Sidhe fell to a volley of Crossbow fire, and the almost physically painful worry I''d felt lessened. When Karen fired one of the stern Siege Crossbows right through the middle of another one''s guards, pinning guards, Bane-Sidhe, and all to the side oft the ship, I realized that an almost subsonic drone had been building since the Bane-Sidhe came on deck. With each Bane-Sidhe that fell, it dropped in volume, but it was still building and rising through the scales. I did not want to know what happened when it hit proper ''banshee wail'' octaves. I Co-Located to the deck of the Fae ship I''d shot, and before I could do anything a wicked branching bolt of Miasma Lightning arced out from the Bane-Sidhe to rip at me. I collapsed back to the me on the deck. "FUCK!" Do not translocate to the enemy ships. Bane-Sidhes can spot that shit like Undead. Shit, are Bane-Sidhe Undead?


    Our fire slacked as the Bane-Sidhe screaming rose into normal human hearing octaves, not to mention volumes that could be heard on the deck of the Questing Tentacle. The Dragonslayers didn''t drop immediately, but some of them stood there shaking their heads. Others dropped to their knees to clutch at their ears. Most of the remaining fire came from the firing ports. Karen! Get them below decks! Close the firing ports!


    I leapt to it myself, Co-Locating to grab two and three of our troops at a time, starting with the ones on their knees. Even below decks, that awful screeching song had started ramping up. Over at the docked Fae ship, the Trolls in view all dove for the water. I jumped to the other aft Siege Crossbow, spun it toward the biggest of the Bane-Sidhe, and fired. More by luck than anything I clipped her, staggering and spinning her around even as her Knights dropped to dust. The wailing of the Bane-Sidhe didn''t even falter, though, as the one we''d peppered with Crossbow bolts rose to its feet, bleeding hyper-violet Miasma yet still standing.


    I felt someone rustle through the back of my brain. followed by that odd anti-tingle of someone drawing Mana from me, from Mimic. Faintly, I heard something over the Bane-Sidhe wails. Faint horns sounding out, then fading away. Then a sudden burst of static, followed by the beautiful sound of my Kitten''s dulcet tones. "...should help."


    Then the music started again, this time with the faintest static burr underlying it. A fanfare of horns surging through the screaming, followed by something echoing in from the sky to the east, a screeching howl of a sort I hadn''t heard since last time I''d flown to Puerto Rico, almost three years ago and a world away. Then the lyrics started, blasting apart the Bane-Sidhe wailing with all the power of Apollo amplified by my Black Dragon''s PA systems.


    Saraba chikyuu yo tabidatsu fune wa


    uchuu senkan BLACK DRAGON


    uchuu no kanata Rich Man''s Puerto e


    I leapt to the aft rail, laughing so hard tears streamed down my face as I flipped both little clusters of Fae ships off, watching downriver for the first sight of my beautiful Black Dragon.


    I was completely unprepared to see her drop through the clouds, coming in for a landing in the river just inside of Rich Man''s Port''s waters. The fact that four of the Fae ships were currently anchored there did fuck all to stop her. One of the Bane-Sidhe, glowing with hyper violet Miasma, surfaced just off her prow.


    At which point the anchor smashed her back underwater.


    Then every other sound in the world decided to fuck off for elsewhere as the Black Dragon''s guns spoke. Only the six forward guns, and I wasn''t sure they''d have enough depression, but that really didn''t matter much, as the surface of the river itself joined every other fuckin'' bit of everything in the world flying downrange toward the two remaining Fae ships. The detonations of the shells were almost an afterthought, turning the wreckage into interesting kindling-based modern art on the surface of the low cliffs at the next bend of the James. Two hyper-violet splotches in the middle of that artwork flickered and died as I watched.


    Then I had two armfuls of Kitten. "Happy Yule, love. I figured you wouldn''t mind getting your present early."


    I smiled down at her, then kissed her. When I pulled back after, I sighed. "She''s beautiful. But we have more work to do. Well, I do."


    We hopped down to the deck, then walked hand and hand toward the forward cabin. I knocked, and when the door opened, Potami crouched on the far side, a dull Cold Iron blade in each hand. When she saw me, she nodded, stood up, and disappeared the cutlery. "Champion."


    "Hey Potami. In case you didn''t hear, battle''s over. Need you and the other Heroes to help the Trolls with cleanup, if you could?" She nodded, waved to somebody behind her, and I stepped aside as she led a short handful of men and women in Academy uniforms out of the cabin. Then duBois stepped out from behind the door.


    "You need me to do anything in particular?"


    Saffron nodded. "Could you take command here for the time being? Truly, there''s not much to be done, but I''d like it if someone could keep Orla and Potami from bickering. Hearing their chain of command do so puts the Trolls in a bad mood."


    duBois returned her nod. "We taking prisoners?"


    "Yes, please, if any of the Sidhe surrender. Any other Fae ought to be relatively easy to subdue. Please do so if at all possible, most of them dare not defy the Sidhe. Once they realize Lady Crow is in fact the reigning noble in Rich Man''s Port, they ought at least behave as well as Fae ever do." She turned to Tallulah. "No offense intended."


    "None taken." She slumped just a little. "May... may we go see to my daughter now?"


    She winced at the look on my face. "Yeah." I took Tallulah by the hand, nodded to Cailyn, and she took her daughter''s hand. Karen. Throne room. Then I stepped us there.


    Diana stood in front of The Morrigan, holding a medium sized Isnomi up by the waist so our most feral daughter could punch The Morrigan in the face. By the looks of things, she''d been doing that for most of the battle outside. "Isnomi." She froze. "I''m very upset with you for disobeying and coming here when I told you I didn''t want you to." I stepped over to her, took her out of Diana''s hands, and pulled her into a relieved hug. "I''m glad you''re safe, Menace. But there will be some consequences for this."


    "Bud..."


    "Menace." She shut up. I think she realized exactly how furious I was, even if almost none of it was with her. "Not now. We''ll talk about this later." I hugged her, then handed her off to Saffron.


    I turned to face The Morrigan, who''d already begun healing. Gods die hard, and heal fast. Especially big old powerful ones like The Morrigan. I reached up and Healed her mouth, her tongue, because I had something important to ask her. "I''ll bet you think I''m gonna kill you now."


    "Obviously," she hissed.


    I shook my head. "Only one question for you, Morrie. May I enjoy this?"


    "Just kill me and be done with it, bitch. Arrangements have been made. I will rise again, more powerful than before, and return to destroy you and all that you love."


    I sighed. "Well. Shit. That doesn''t sound like consent to me. Ah, well." I reached out, took her by the chin, and looked her right in the eye. "I''ll do my best not to enjoy this, then. But you won''t be rising again. Do you know why?"


    She sniffed. "Do you claim to be some kind of godslayer, then?"


    I chuckled. "Now that you mention it, yeah, but that''s not why." I''d pulled the tip of one of my tentacles down to knee height, and now I slithered that under her skirts. I put my hands on the stumps of her shoulders, wrapped two more tentacles around her ankles, and said, "it''s because I''m not going to kill you." Then I rammed that tentacle tip straight up her ass. Forced it up through her, not bothering to be really gentle. She screamed. She screamed a lot, most of it incoherent, until the tip of that tentacle slipped out of her mouth, effectively gagging her. "That''s better. Now. Can you breathe?" She twitched. "Eh, fuck it." I granted her the Boon of not needing to, then leaned in and pressed my cheek against hers. "You see, Morrigan, I''m not going to kill you. Neither is anyone else. Ever. For all eternity. Until Time itself comes to an end." Slowly, gently, inexorably, I pushed that tentacle further through her, savoring each little pop and crackle as the bones and sinews snapped, ruptured, reformed, and snapped again.


    "I''m taking everything I find away from you. Speaking of..." I reached one hand out to Tallulah. "You used to be her High Priestess, right?"


    She took my hand. "I was."


    "Did being a High Priestess help with the whole Overlord thing?"


    "It did."


    Not a very talkative woman. Solid benefit if I was gonna have her inside my head on occasion. "You want to be my High Priestess?" I paused, nodded toward Diana, who stood flanking Saffron, clearly focused on Isnomi. I''d probably have to figure out what was going on there at some point, but not today. "There are other options. Or you could just stay, y''know, not-Clergy."


    Tallulah tilted her head. "I have a choice?"


    I blinked. "Uh, I guess you don''t know my whole thing? Agency? Consent? Being a High Priestess is pretty fuckin'' intimate, I''m not forcing that shit on anybody who doesn''t want it. I better not find out anybody else has done so either." If Menace got quieter than her already silent clinging to her mom, I pretended not to notice.


    Lady Crow nodded. "Very well then. I accept, Champion. Make me a High Priestess of Tabitha Diaz."


    I flexed that part of me and thought, I wonder if anybody will ever catch on before I do this. You''d think the tentacles would be a clue.


    At that point the Morrigan''s hips and ribcage both shattered all at once, joining the ongoing crackling chorus of breaking and reforming as my tentacle stretched into an ever wider tube. I''d used one of the big ones. Tallulah paled, at least as much as she could with all those freckles. Karen? Take care of her please?


    I took Saffron''s hand and guided her over to where Marie lay on the floor. "You know you''re the reason she was here, right Menace?''''


    The world''s quietest, "yeth," sounded from where she pressed her face into Saffron''s breast.


    ¡°Another thing we¡¯ll talk about later.¡±


    With that I stepped over to the little Filtration Ward in the middle of the room. Co-Locating to M-Space, I wrapped one tentacle gently around the Divine Ward I''d created and pulled. Pushed, Forced it and its contents back to the Mortal Realm. Then I pulled Balor and Domnu into the room. "How do you unburn ash?"


    I shook my head, sucking on the eye still mashed between my cheek and gums. Sucking the Mana from it. Then, wrapping more tentacles around him, did the same to Balor, trying desperately to ignore his grunts of pain, to ignore the crackle of my tentacle turning The Morrigan into a decorative tentacle sleeve. I pulled power from Balor, from his Eye, from Mimic''s tentacles in M-Space. I drew power until I glowed, until I started to burn...


    And then I didn''t. Burn. I just glowed harder as my High Priestesses surrounded me, Worship flowing into me. More than just them. Diana and my Menace as well. I threw a Divine Ward around all of us, dropping the two little Wards in the middle of the floor as Balor faded to nothing. I knelt down next to the dust where it drifted to the floor, and gently, quietly said, "maybe you didn''t hear me the first time, little crow." Mana suffused me so much that my breath sparkled through her dust when I whispered, "Revive."


    How do you unburn ash? The same way you get to Carnegie Hall.


    Power.


    I didn''t know if it was right, if it was wrong, if it was an abuse of my power or position to Revive my kid when so many others died every fuckin'' day. I do know that I brought that one big fuckin'' tentacle down so The Morrigan''s face, stretched across one side of it, pointed at Ria''s dust where Mana poured into it in a torrent, an absolute avalanche of power. The dust of Ria''s body and Soul whirled together, twisting tighter and tighter until they formed two tiny orbs. The moment they did, the rest of her extended outward from her eyes in a flash. She stood there on tiptoe, blinking, for the slightest of moments before leaping at me, arms going around my neck as she cried. As she sobbed, and one word kept flowing out of her mouth like a prayer. That single word that had me frozen in place, my arms around her, holding her to me, crying as much as she did.


    "Mama."

 Day Five Hundred And Twenty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    "Children are meant to be loved,


    As long as you''re doing that,


    All else is secondary."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Children


    Yeah, I''ll be wrapping this up soon. One more verse on Children, then three or four verses of wrap up. Then I guess I show the whole thing to Karen and Saffron, maybe the rest of my High Clergy. Because I''ve got another one now. Not the worst decision I made yesterday, I guess. Still, consequences. Always consequences. Weirdest consequence is that I never figured I''d be able to keep up this fuckin'' meter for damn near ninety Verses, and yet here we are, only a couple Verses left. Not exactly the consequence you''d expect from temporary Fae Blessing based partial amnesia, but here we are.


    As for this verse, I dunno, looking back I''ve talked about feeding them, educating them, protecting them, but that''s all practical shit that I''m pretty sure people who love kids are gonna be trying to do anyhow. Maybe this is just me trying to point out that if you do all that shit without loving them, they''re maybe gonna know that and still wind up fucked up, but if you love them but aren''t able to do all that, kids are resilient and might still wind up knowing they''re loved and loving you back.


    Yeah, still kinda fucked up about Ria in more than one way. Yeah, she''s my kid. Yeah, that bitch killed her in cold blood right in front of me. I absolutely do not regret killing my brother and eating him from the inside out to Revive her. He was an asshole of the first water, I gave him a chance to back down, and instead he decided to kill everybody and laugh at me about it. But even in the heat of the moment I kinda wondered what makes my kids so special, that I''ll bend the rules for them when I wouldn''t for somebody else. Because that''s sure as shit what I did with The Morrigan, damning her to eternal tentacle-sleeve-hood, when I''m supposed to be about fuckin'' Redemption and shit.


    After Ria stopped crying, then had me carry her over to her mother for the world''s awkwardest hug, I think all the emotional fatigue that had been building up for I don''t know how fuckin'' long caught up with me. Like, a lot of it was relief, but not all of it. some of it had to do with not knowing what would happen when the Blessing faded, but not all of it. I think a chunk of it was not being what my family needed when they needed me eating at me, but... yeah, a lot of it was that. That''s my story. I trudged over to Saffron, Ria still welded to my hip for obvious ''little kid who just felt herself die'' reasons. She''d picked up Menace, and I put my arm around both of them and led them over to Marie''s remains.


    "Okay, Menace. I said there would be consequences. I''m really not up to anything subtle, or thoughtful, or... shit. I''m pretty sure this is some shit tier momming right now, but you''re gonna lay her out right."


    Her eyes got big, a little watery. "Whud?"


    "You heard me. You decided you were old enough and smart enough to overrule me about not coming along." I nodded to Marie''s body parts, still mingled with Lindsey''s dust. "This was one of the results. One of the ones I didn''t want you to have to deal with. But now you do."


    I nodded to Saffron, who held Isnomi out and said, "she''s right, my girl. You chose to do this, now you deal with the consequences." She spun Isnomi around, set her on her feet, and gave her a little shove.


    "Bud... bud thee be ohtay inna mowning!"


    I nodded. "She will. But what if Karen had jumped over to help you? Or Mom? Or Siobhan?" She stood there, looking upset, a little stubborn. "Or what if she isn''t? I think you''re right. I think she will. But what if Balor got a look at her? Or if he''d given The Morrigan or Lindsey some kind of god killing whammy like Jormungandr, or Fenris, or Nemesis?" Her eyes got watery, and I wanted to give in, but I''d said there would be consequences, and while I knew this was shitty, I also knew that if they didn''t happen right away, or weren''t connected to what she''d done somehow, they wouldn''t fuckin'' connect in her still very much a kid brain. "I''m not gonna say no tears, because this is very much a crying thing. But it''s also something you do anyway when you''re crying, Menace."


    She turned away, nodded, sniffled, and trudged toward Marie''s nearest arm. Ria wriggled, and when I looked to her, solemnly said, "I helped her defy you." Before I could reply to that, she kinda floored me with, "I should help her with the consequences." I couldn''t argue with that. I mean, I could, and I wanted to, but she was fuckin'' right. I nodded, then gently set her on her feet. I dropped down into a tailor seat right there, more exhaustion catching up with me. Saffron knelt next to me, one arm going around me, her head resting on my shoulder. I wanted, needed to talk to her, to release some of the weight I''d been carrying around for so long, to share some of the burdens I''d picked up over the last... fuck, not even an hour, but I just couldn''t.


    Diana walked up behind us. "Matriarch?" she murmured.


    "Yeah?"


    "May I help them?"


    "No. I take it she called you in?"


    I couldn''t see her. Didn''t really want to. "Yes. Are you angry with me?"


    I shrugged with the shoulder Saffron wasn''t leaning on. "Did you know about this plan of hers?"


    "I did not."


    I nodded. "When''d you find out?"


    "She summoned me after her sister fell."


    I thought about that for a bit while Ria showed Isnomi how to rest Marie''s arms over her chest. "She''s not your Clergy, is she?"


    The she-bear snorted. "Rather the reverse."


    I sighed. "Did she ask?"


    "She did not. She was very imperious. As is her due."


    I sucked at my teeth. "As is her doesn''t, if I have anything to say about it. Which I do. Sorry about that, I didn''t realize she''d start grabbing Clergy with a fuckin'' Goddess."


    "Ah. Demigoddess, actually."


    I looked over my shoulder at her. "You get a demotion or something?"


    She shook her head. "I wasn''t the first." She nodded toward Marie.


    My shoulders slumped. "Shit. Well. Thanks for letting me know. I''ve got her now, if you want to head back to what you were doing."


    "Would you be upset if I left an Avatar here to stand vigil over Marie?"


    "Nah. Figure caring too much is way less of a problem than caring too little."


    Not sure why she clucked her tongue at that, but a few moments later a bear sat down on the far side of Marie from us, and I felt Diana leave.If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.


    Tallulah came over shortly after. "Goddess."


    I smiled up at her. Crooked, tired, but she deserved a smile. She hadn''t done anything wrong in all this shit that I could tell. Okay, maybe a little too quick to sacrifice her own daughter, but unless I missed my guess growing up with The Morrigan as a... not role model, but constant presence, she might have figured it was Ria or Ria and then her whole family. "Tallulah. Call me Tabitha."


    "I..."


    "Look, You know who I am." Her head jerked, once. "Yeah, when I forget that, and worse when I forget that I don''t want to be everything her dark fatassness encourages me to be, bad shit happens. So, except for formal occasions? Tabitha."


    She stiffened up. Which was pretty fuckin'' impressive, given that her default level of stiffness seemed to be ''Marie at her most formal''. "Which occasions?"


    I couldn''t keep a bleak laugh from leaking out. "Tell you what. Just make ''Tabitha'' the default, and check with Saffron if you think the occasion''s formal enough to warrant anything more."


    "As you wish, G... Tabitha."


    "Did you need something?"


    She looked a little confused. "I came to see what you required of me."


    I looked around the room. The battleground, really, what with all the shit that had gone down. Lotsa dust. A few suits of armor. Tallulah''s bodyguards, incongruously still lying there, corpses in armor. "I mean, I was just gonna say keep doing your Overlord thing, call me if something comes up that you need help with, or anything you think I''d want to know about, but for the moment I think your hall''s a bit messy for that."


    She just stood there, looking awkward, until Saffron stirred and said, "Tabitha will let you know if we need anything in particular. For now, we''ll be sitting vigil with our daughters until sunrise. You''re welcome to join us if you like, now or when you''ve gotten things organized."


    Tallulah nodded, then strode off. I think she ordered some folks around. At one point she seemed a little surprised when she leaned over to feed some Mana into one of her Bodyguards, only to have one of my tentacles touch her shoulder and offer her more. Not too surprised to take me up on the offer though. Shit, maybe that''s why the universe let me be here, because they were tired of the Gods hoarding all the Mana to themselves when people obviously needed that shit.


    After maybe an hour of quiet, serious work, the girls came back to us. It did bad things to me to see Marie laid out ready for her funeral, but this... this was like the crossbow bolt. She needed to get a clear picture of what happened when she tried to go where she wasn''t ready to go yet. "Now whud?"


    "Now we wait."


    "Until?" asked Ria.


    "Until morning. At which point you two can apologize to Marie for dragging her into this. Or, in the worst possible case, we go home and explain to your sisters why she''s not there."


    I wasn''t sure which hurt more, Menace''s haunted look when I said that, or Ria''s tearful solemnity. But I let both of them sit in my lap while we waited. At one point Karen came in, saw what was happening, spoke with Tallulah, then left. Maybe an hour in, Tallulah came over. "Tabitha, can you assist with the Nightmares?"


    "What''s up with them?"


    "They refuse to move."


    I sighed, but before I could answer, Menace knelt on my lap and held a hand up to my cheek. She swallowed and said, "may I, Mama?"


    I raised an eyebrow. "You can make them behave?"


    "I telled them not to move."


    I sighed. "Of course you did. Tell them to do what Ria''s mother says." I lifted her up to Tallulah, who seemed oddly stiff when taking a child and carrying her, but carried her over to within street conversation distance of the Nightmares.


    I couldn''t hear what Menace said, but Tallulah''s, "retire to the stables," was clear enough. She brought Isnomi back, handed her back, and said, "my thanks."


    I shrugged. "Kids gotta learn to clean up what they broke."


    Tallulah shot Ria of all people the hairy eyeball and said, "indeed," before walking off to do Overlord things.


    Saffron fell asleep against my shoulder. Isnomi and Ria gradually nodded off leaning against one another in my lap. Well after midnight Tallulah joined us, kneeling on my far side from Saffron. "Sorry about your son."


    She shrugged. "I''ve long known his allegiance did not lie with me. Would that I''d known it lay with my greatmother, I might have prepared for this meeting better."


    "You do the best you can with what you know. If that screws things up, you fix them as best you can and move on. Still too bad you had to lose a son."


    I think her eyes glistened a little, but she simply said, "that happened long since. But I suppose I never did grieve then. Perhaps I might now."


    "You do what you need to do when you need to do it. Why now?"


    She shot me a crooked smile. "Grief makes you weak. I''ve never been strong enough to be weak before."


    For some stupid reason that made sense to me. Maybe to the part of me that thought turning a sentient being into decorative tentacle bling was acceptable behavior.


    Eventually, just before sunrise, I woke my wife and daughters up. When she woke to see Marie still and cold, Isnomi turned back to look at me, her eyes haunted, "No?"


    "Soon..." I sighed. I couldn''t leave her hurting any more than I could have left Ria dead. I tugged the sun just a touch over the horizon. I''d never gotten to watch Marie come back before. It wasn''t like Diana, or now that I thought about it, Ria. There was a definite glow, but I realized right then that despite his recent attempts to be a decent father and partner, D was his father''s son, as it started right in the middle of her belly and spread outward. Her legs simultaneously disintegrated where they lay and reintegrated as that glow spread outward from her belly. Her arms regrew faster than her head, and she sat up with a roar as her hair grew back all in a rush.


    Menace leapt out of my lap, rushing over to her, Ria in hot pursuit. "Mawa!" She skidded to a stop when Marie held out her arms to the two of them. Marie just raised an eyebrow, barely glancing at me before Menace stopped, bowed her head, and said, "I sowwy I did nod lissen to Mama. I sowwy I god you kiwwed."


    Marie spun herself around into a tailor seat facing us, scooping the kids into her arms as she did. "Forgiven."


    I did not expect the visceral shudders from Tallulah and Ria. But some part of me remained completely unsurprised when Saffron rolled to her feet, dusted her hands and ass off, and said, "well. That''s done. I think it''s well past time we headed home." She looked at Tallulah. "You''re more than welcome to join us, if you like?"


    Tallulah shook her head. "There''s work to be done here."


    Saffron just nodded. "You''re welcome to visit any time you wish. Do you require Cailyn''s aid here, or shall we have Karen return her to the Grand Council?""


    Lady Crow considered that for a moment before saying, "If you can spare her for a few days?"


    "Simply let one of us know." My Kitten smiled up at me. "Our Goddess is generous with facilitating such matters." Then she waved Marie and the girls over. "Let''s head home."


    So we did. First to a surprisingly empty Lancaster House suite, then to the Homestead, where the women had been hard at work for the past couple days. Seconds after we arrived, Siobhan glomped the five of us. "Oh, thank you. I simply do not know how the two of you do that."


    Saffron pulled Siobhan in like a life sized plushie. "Likely most of it is Marshall duBois'' Endurance Training. You could avail yourself, you realize. There''s no rule against Faculty and Staff signing up for classes, and you are part of the Academy."


    Siobhan shuddered a little. "No thank you. But... could I? Really?"


    "Do you really think anyone would deny the Imperator''s Concubine?"


    "Oi! Tiny tyrant!" I gave Saffron a squeeze. "No breaking the rules just because she''s hot."


    Saffron elbowed me just a little. "Not breaking anything, Goof, nor taking advantage of my position. Simply taking blatant advantage of ambiguously written rules, as is right and proper for the Clergy of a Trickster Goddess."


    I shook my head, and did not like the way it spun. "Hey, I''m kinda beat. You guys mind if I hit the sack?"


    Saffron stepped us all to a room it took me a second to recognize, because at some point the women had hung the curtains around the bed in the middle of the room. "Only if you don''t mind us joining you?"


    I looked down at the girls and said, "to sleep?"


    "Of course, love."


    So we bundled in. I wasn''t sure if the others really needed sleep, but I did, and I couldn''t bring myself to turn any of them away when they wanted to join me. Was not at all displeased when the rest of our kids found us there at some point while I lay there drifting off and clambered onto the big bed to join us.


    Woke to the sun rising this morning. Just lay there enjoying the closeness until everybody else started waking up. When Saffron finished her boot up and everyone had had a chance to examine everyone else''s dentition via tongue, not to mention giving the kids all hugs, I asked, "ooh, do we get to try the big bath?"


    Saffron chuckled. "Sorry, love. I''m afraid the plumbers just arrived yesterday. They assure me things will be ready for Yule, though."


    I slumped a little. "Ah, well. Lancaster House waffles?"


    She nodded. "Indeed, once we ferry everyone back for baths."


    Today... .today was quiet. I needed quiet. I sat there, watching, from atop the West Tower, as it had been dubbed. Saffron had Imperator shit to do. The women knew what they were about, and the kids were going around alternately helping them, pestering them for things for their rooms, and just generally scooping up the refugee kids to play in the snow.


    Brooding probably wasn''t the best thing for me to do.


    But it''s what I did.

 Day Five Hundred And Twenty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    "Of all my many Domains,


    If you must pick only one,


    Children. Always. Forever."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Children


    Yeah. I don''t have a Domain called ''Saffron''. Honestly, I really don''t want one, given how much influence I already have over her. The power dynamics in our relationship are weird as fuck. I''d make her a Demigoddess, but she''d be pissed about losing her Imperator job. Like, I guess I''ll make her one once she decides to retire, or if something awful happens and I have to Revive her, or something else like that. But even there, Demigoddess does not compare to Eldest of Primordials. Like, okay, yes, Domnu is as old as I am, but I''ve come to realize that that''s the thing; without time, nothing happens, nothing changes, and time started up after she had me. I think that''s why she and I can step outside of it.


    But I do have Children as the one Domain I am unequivocally proud of. Even there, yeah, Saffron might play into it a little. She''s how I wound up becoming a mom, after all. From what she tells me, she''s gonna make me even more of a mom in the future. We''ve more or less promised Marie more kids. Kittens. Shit, I don''t even know what she''ll have. Kids? kittens? I mean, I know I joked about her making her own dev team, but is she gonna pop out a litter of catgirls? That would be some weird shit right there.


    Also, and this kinda hit me in the middle of my brooding yesterday, I don''t know if there''s some kind of way to get from Mortal to Primordial. Because Demigod to God seems like it''s a thing, but from what Loki told me ''Elder God'' is a birth thing, Like, he also thought you could only be the High Clergy of one Deity, and that only an Elder God could have a Demigod as a Champion and High Clergy, and here I am, Eldest Primordial and all and still his High Priestess. Unless he disavows my ass, I''m not giving that up, either. Nope. Not happening. Dad''s in my head from now until one of us dies.


    Oh, thank you. So much. Truly.


    it''s just ''cause you''re the best.


    I know.


    So last night after I finished my day of brooding, Saffron showed up and just leaned herself against me. "And obol for your thoughts, love?" I chuckled even while my eyes were still crossed.


    "Well, they were all broody and awful." I sighed. "Some of them still are."


    "So talk to me. If they''re problems, we''ll solve them together. If they''re not, I still want to share your burdens. Wife, not property, remember?"


    I snorted just a little. "It''s... It''s The Morrigan."


    "What about her?"


    I sighed. "I... You saw what I did."


    Good lord the look on my Kitten''s face was not fit for underage audiences at that point. "I did."


    "No, Kitten, I''m serious. This is... That was... Look, what I did specifically was really over the top." She nodded, attentive, but utterly unfazed. "But that''s not what''s bothering me. Not really. I mean, the fact that I can do that kind of shit on a whim? Like what I did with Diana before she was Diana? That''s disturbing to me. Like, I shouldn''t be able to think up that sick shit on a whim, and I really shouldn''t have to ask for Consent before doing it."


    Saffron lay a hand on my breast. "Love, it''s part of who you are. You would never choose to do that for your own amusement. You would never seek out an innocent, or someone powerless, in order to have your way with them like that. But this world... This world is not a kind place. There are monsters who have arrogated power over others, who do seek out others to use as playthings. And when one of them dares to harm one of our children right in front of you? That part of you is their judgement. Their justice. Their just desserts." She paused, shook her head. "But it''s something more than that, and I just realized, something you would never see for yourself. Something that isn''t... isn''t yours. Or theirs."


    I shook my head, confused. "Then whose is it? What is it?"


    "Ours. Us. Mortals. When the powers come down and try to exert their petty tyranny? You, love, that vast, dark part of you that frightens you so? You are our vengeance." She hissed those last words, the echo of Mana Blade in her words. Then she looked up at me, tears in her eyes. "I will do whatever it takes to save you from the black moods it brings to you, but... please do not take that from us."


    I closed my eyes, pulled her to me, and sighed. "I won''t. I don''t know if I even can. But... I won''t. I can''t take that away from you, love."


    She chuckled, low and throaty. "I do love when you say that."


    "What? ''Love''? You are. You always have been. You always will be. My love, from the moment our lips met until the end of time."


    She sighed and settled into my arms. "You''re still hurt about something," she sing-songed.


    "Yeah, yeah, yeah," I chuckled. I mean, I shouldn''t be chuckling, thinking about what I was thinking, but with her mashing that dopamine button I just couldn''t stop myself. "Look, some dumb bitch comes in and Fucks Around, I would be honored to be your personal Find Out delivery service."


    "Mine? Personally?"


    I snorted. "Y''know, I was talking about Mortals in general, maybe the Alliance in specific, but... yeah, honestly you''re probably right."


    She kinda twitched. "I... I was half joking, love."


    "I''m not."


    "Oh."


    "Yeah, aren''t we a piece of work. I''m tryna be a better class of Deity to be worthy of you, and you''re tryna be an enlightened despot to make me happy with you."


    She walked two fingers up my front. "We could stop?"


    "Oh, no. No, bad Kitten. Naughty-in-a-way-I-like-too-much Kitten. We are gonna be the best possible Goddess and Imperator anybody could want. Because... I think I know what I gotta do."


    "Command me, Goddess."


    I sighed. "Yeah, this''ll probably be more a you thing than a me thing, if only because you''re more organized. We gotta, I dunno, put up ''beware the God'' signs." She looked up at me quizzically. "Announce that the Alliance is protected by Mimic, and any Deities fucking around will receive likely lethal doses of Find Out."


    My little Kitten shuddered a little. "Like Sengann, and Apollo."


    "And Balor."


    She looked up at me, almost like an eager puppy. "Really?" I nodded. "I wondered if you''d simply destroyed an Avatar of his."


    I shrugged. "Could have. Didn''t want to be bothered with how many people the walking WMD could kill out of petty revenge before I put him down. I drained him dry and licked his remains off my tentacles. Without thinking about it, really. Like you wipe grease off your fingers on your pants."


    Saffron very visibly took hold of herself. "So you would have me warn the Gods of Europa?"


    "Of wherever. Any of them who are likely to come visiting. I think I know how to get in touch with the ones west of us. But we don''t trade with their people much, do we?" She shook her head. "Okay. Can you spread the word via the Mortal Realm? I''ll try to get the word spread in M-Space. As much as I can."


    She frowned a little. "This is likely to kick certain things off sooner than I was prepared for." Then she shrugged. "So be it. My Goddess commands, and I will obey." She looked at the ground. "Uh..."


    I sighed. "Did someone do bad things while I was amnesiac?" She nodded, actually looking contrite. "Well. I was thinking Siobhan needed rewards for Concubining above and beyond the call of duty. I''ve got some ideas."


    "When?"


    "Oh, no. You find out shortly after you lose the ability to do anything about it." She shuddered, and I remembered the one thing I''d almost thought about getting her to flip that script on me for. "Shit."The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.


    "What is it, love?"


    "The Morrigan. I did some dark shit to her. Yeah, she might have deserved that and more than that for... fuck, she''s probably done way more than Diana ever did. But.... forever."


    Saffron just shrugged. "So commute her sentence."


    "But... what... I... Really?"


    "Oh, I didn''t say let her walk away right away. Or ever, really. I personally find what you did to her deliciously delightful and fitting." She snickered in a really disturbing way at that. "But love, this is your prerogative. You may leave her there for all eternity. You may release her now. You may consume her utterly. But," she sighed. "If you would like my recommendation on what I think you would find least objectionable?"


    "Go ahead."


    "Set the terms of her parole. Tell her what she must accomplish before she is released. You could even give her options, whether she is to be Redeemed like Diana or consumed like Balor and Sengann." She straight up rubbed herself against me at that point, and I don''t think she realized she was doing it. "But decide what the conditions are, relay them to her, and at that point her eventual freedom or demise is in her own hands."


    I took a deep breath. "So... tell her what it takes to get out of the box?"


    "As our son told me you said unto him, nothing irreversible."


    "Not sure I can entirely reverse that damage."


    She shrugged. Then snickered again. "Oh, Deities are incredibly elastic." When I looked down at her, she had her pious look on, and I couldn''t help it, I laughed. "Trust me, love, I have personal experience with the elasticity of Divine beings."


    "Okay, you. Let''s get you home. And no, that''s not for tonight."


    "May... may I request not until after Yule? I really do have some things to prepare before then."


    I cupped her cheeks, drew her lips up to mine, and whispered, "You don''t get to know that."


    "Fuck."


    "Oh, we''ll probably do that at least a couple times between now and then."


    "If you thought you were going to get away without me rewarding you for avenging my family? You''re sorely mistaken, my love."


    I scooped her up and stepped us back down to the courtyard, where everyone had gathered before heading home. Before we stepped home, she announced, "Ladies, tomorrow you''ll be working from Lancaster House. Specifically, I''d like those of you with butchering experience to select the animals for our Yule feast."


    While we all got washed up, I asked, what''s up with that? Slaughtering animals in our new place?


    We''ll have to do it on a regular basis going forward, and moving live animals is easier than moving dead meat.


    Gruesome, yet practical. Very you, Kitten.


    Thank you!


    Dreamt of my ladies and the chibi beans all... well, shit, if I had to guess I''d say ''practicing choreography''. Which makes no damn sense at all. Still tasted good though.


    In the morning, when everybody started to head off for breakfast, i snagged Menace. Kitten? I need to talk with Isnomi for a bit. Mind covering for me, maybe listening in?


    I need you for something at lunch, but so long as you''ll be done by then?


    Yeah. Thanks, Kitten.


    I lifted Menace to my hip, then stepped her to the field of endless undulating tentacle tips. Right near the middle, and I could tell from her awestruck glance down and back up, she knew where we were as well as I did. I sat down, then set her in front of me. Boosted her up a little so I wasn''t looking down quite so much, then dropped her back down when she did her size shenanigans to look down at me. "Menace. Isnomi, we need to talk."


    The slightest touch of worry rushed across her face. "Oh... oh tay?"


    "Put the Hell of Teeth away, please. You''re safer here than anywhere short of five miles down."


    She swallowed, and there was at least a little more than her regular nervousness to it. "Mama?"


    "Yes, Menace?"


    "You gonna eat me?"


    "NO! No, you... You''re my daughter. You''d have to be, to get a goofy idea like that into your brain. No, Menace. I am not going to eat you. Not now. Hopefully not ever."


    She tilted her head. "Why we here then?"


    I nodded. "Because I want to talk to you, and it''s serious, and I want you to know it''s serious, and I didn''t want to be interrupted. Just so you know, if anything does try to interrupt us while we''re here, and things get violent? You go straight down about four miles and hide. Do not go into the Maw. Do you understand? No Maw for Isnomi. Got it?"


    "Got it."


    "Good. Now. Do you know why I brought you here?"


    "Marie?"


    I twisted my head a little. "Sort of. Marie. Diana. And something I didn''t think I''d have to talk to you about for another decade, at least. Consent."


    "Con... Consent?"


    I nodded my head, keeping eye contact with her. "Do you know what it means?" She shrugged and shook her head. "It means not doing things to other people without their permission."


    "Like?"


    "Like touching them. Or doing adult silly things with them. Or, and this is definitely why I''m talking to you about this, making permanent intimate connections to them."


    She thought about that. "Tag?"


    I looked at her, but she either didn''t get it or was playing dumb. "Tag is a case where everyone has agreed to be touched. But you''d be mad if someone punched you in the face when you were playing Tag, wouldn''t you?" She nodded. "That''s because the agreement is to touch. Maybe not always entirely gently, but nothing more than a slap to let them know they''ve been tagged, right?"


    I waited until she said, "right."


    I nodded. "So. There''s things where we touch one another all the time, that we''ve all kind of agreed to, Consented to, over time. Like when we all pile up at bed time. But does Mama force anybody to join us?"


    She thought for a second. "Yes?" I shook my head. "No?" She got a booger look. "Really?"


    "Really. Really, really. I''d rather cut my own arm off than force someone into that, Menace. Because that''s not something good people do."


    "But... not people. Goddess."


    I sighed. "Do you know why I can promise I''m not here to eat you, Menace?" She looked a little nervous. "Because Gods are people too. Even you. Even me. And if the rules don''t apply to everybody, they don''t apply to anybody."


    "Even you?"


    "Even me."


    "Why you not grounded then?"


    I scooped her up and tickled her. "Because I, you irrepressible scamp, am an adult, and thus allowed to use adult words without being grounded."


    Then she said something that, in the absence of her lisp, chilled me to the bone in an entirely Mortal way. "I want to be an adult."


    I set her down and shook my head. "No. No, you really don''t, Menace. I mean, yeah, I hope you do eventually? But don''t rush that shit. Enjoy being a kid for as long as you can. Because you know what comes with being an adult?"


    "What?"


    "Responsibilities. Duties. Jobs." I stared at her until she straightened up. "Consequences." That hit her exactly how I''d hoped it would, and she teared a little at the memory of Marie still and cold on the floor. "Eventually you''ll have to grow up. There''ll even be a little while when you get to maybe dip into that pool and run away a few times. But eventually, you''ll have to. But until then? Stay a kid, Menace. I''m telling you that because I love you, and want you to stay as happy as you can as long as you can."


    She reached up and placed a hand on my cheek. "Okay, Mama. I wait."


    "Good. Now, Consent is about asking permission, right?"


    "Yes?"


    "So, permission before any ''adult'' things, and," I sighed. "Making someone High Clergy is a very Adult thing, Menace."


    "Oh."


    "Yeah, oh. You didn''t ask, did you?"


    She had the grace to blush. "Didn''t know."


    "No, no you didn''t. I didn''t realize you even could. But you did. So now you''ve got to know the rules."


    "No High Clergy?"


    I shook my head. "I think you''ll want to keep that list short, but that might just be me. But no making someone High Clergy without asking them. And them agreeing. Without you making them agree."


    With each caveat, she looked a little more mulish, but then she sighed, deflated, and said, "okay, Mama." I held out my arms, and she crawled back up into them. "Mama?"


    "Yes Menace?"


    "Are you shamed of me?"


    "No! Why would I be?"


    "I made Marie an'' Diana Priestesseses. I came ''long with Ria."


    I sighed and shook my head. "You didn''t know the rules about Consent. Now you do. If you break them now, I will be ashamed. But not now. And... with Ria? I was angry because I was scared you''d be hurt. I was upset because you were along, there were things I couldn''t even think about doing. Now, don''t get me wrong, I''m probably as grateful as I was angry that I didn''t. But ashamed? Menace, why did you sneak along?"


    "To protect my sister!"


    "How could i ever be ashamed of that, Menace?" I snuggled her to me. "No, menace. You had to face consequences, and I... I really didn''t want that for you yet. Still don''t, really. But Menace? I was so, so proud of you."


    "Really?"


    "Really. I mean, hell, some of it I won''t ever admit to your Mom how proud i was of. Like dropping a load right on Morrigan''s bitch face? That was inspired. And disobeying... You knew I''d be angry, didn''t you?" She nodded. "You risked me being angry to protect your sister. That makes me nothing but proud, Menace."


    I sat there, holding her, while the sun meandered up the sky. After a while Saffron whispered into my head, speaking of pride and consequence, could you return Isnomi to Lancaster House and meet me atop the West Tower?


    Sure, Kitten.


    A few minutes later, Isnomi rejoining the endless rounds of hide and seek back at Lancaster House, I landed atop the West Tower, only to have two hands slip over my eyes from behind. "Close your eyes, please, love?"


    I did as instructed, because I''m just an awesome obedient wife that way. "Okay, closed."


    "Good." Her hands slipped away, and a moment later things got very breezy. Not naked breezy. Not even really The Dress breezy. But definitely ''above the knee, thin material, everything loose and flowing'' breezy. Barefoot and thankful for my Jotnar whammy breezy. Then I found myself firmly, almost roughly shoved around until a bar pressed against my thighs.


    "Can I open my eyes now?" Hands slipped down my thighs, past my knees, then yanked my ankles back, balancing me on that thin bar. "I should have put padding on this fuckin'' thing."


    Saffron chuckled, and the sound sent goosebumps over every bit of me in a way the cold no longer could. His voice gravelly, he said, "I thought that''s what you''d be doing when it''s my turn. Of course you can open your eyes, love."


    I looked out at the valley. Our valley. Our place, all the way out to the horizon. Fabric rustled. Warmth and rough wool pressed against the inside of my thighs. Then went still.


    "What are you doing?"


    He chuckled. Fuck but Saffron made an incredible guy. As do you, love. Turnabout''s fair play. "And I''m admiring the view."


    "Yeah, our place is really beautiful, isn''t it?"


    He reached up with one hand, sending a thrill of adrenaline through me as he reduced me to two very precarious points of contact. Then he brushed my dress off my shoulders as I spread my arms. "Oh. I suppose that view''s nice too." While I just kinda giggled at that, warming at the thought that his voice said he wasn''t joking in the slightest, he said, "oh, and waiting for noon."


    Look, I''m tryna be a better Goddess. It''s a work in progress, and every day I try to do a little better than the day before. There will come a day, maybe, that a statement like that will not have me reach up, grab the sun, and yoink it to the middle of the sky.


    Today was not that day.


    Tomorrow''s not looking good either.

 Day Five Hundred And Twenty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    "I''m here to Champion your Free Will,


    To fight for your right to be,


    Your own person, free of Gods."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Closure


    Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I realize everything I''ve done since I got here has wound up, one way or another, removing or reforming Deities or those who act like them. I mean, if you take away the whole ''able to rewrite reality'' part of gods, which frankly just seems like Mana Shaping on a whole ''nother level, the problem with them isn''t that they have power. it''s how they choose to use it. I mean, shit, I didn''t ask for this power. Don''t get me wrong, I''m not setting it aside and saying ''oh, no, I''m gonna be a good little peon from here on out''. But I''m also not gonna think that just because I can beat any given anybody in a one vee one fight that somehow that makes me better at making decisions than them. Or worse, that somehow I''m morally better than them.


    Seriously, I''ve gone over that before. Like, my fuckin'' Moral Compass, when it''s functioning at peak capacity, points unerringly to ''everybody gets a fortune cookie before the meal is over''. I''m pretty sure Conrad would be all ''thank you, Mother Dearest, but what am I to do with this'' or some shit. So I am definitely not gonna say I''m a better person than somebody like Siobhan, who dedicated her life to healiing Heroes in training, or shit, Anna, who stood up to a fuckin'' squad of armed and armored Spartans with nothing but bare fists and attitude.


    I mean, I''m not gonna go around executing gods for, y''know, ''being gods''. Shit, my whole thing with Saffron the other day is so that maybe I can get some of them to sit down and talk rather than rolling in and throwing shade and death spells around, forcing me to put them down hard or keep them alive even harder. Just to be clear, if one of them starts killing the people I''m trying to protect, I will definitely throw down, and if they''re a walking WMD like Balor, I will absolutely end them right there and then. But for the rest... .I guess I come by my ''Redemption'' Domain honestly. I want them to learn better. To do better. To be better than they were yesterday. Because I honestly think people can be better. Not in some kind of weird eugenics way, just in the whole ''learn, grow, improve'' way.


    With ''doing better'' in mind, I spent the afternoon doing railing railing related things with Saffron, not to mention Marie and Siobhan, who totally managed to avoid commenting for at least five minutes, but once everybody else went to bed, I Co-Located to M-Space, then stepped to where The Morrigan hung, a foot thick tentacle reaching for clear sky a couple dozen feet above her, another pair attached to her legs and pulling her down. I sighed, Healed her arms, and grabbed them with another pair. More to keep her from doing anything with her hands than to pull her down faster, but things crackled and she groaned as she slipped just a little further down.


    "Hey Morrigan. Blink if you can hear me." Her eyes rolled, and she closed them. "Yeah. I''ll take that as a ''yes''. Look, you killed my kid. Right in front of me. I am, as you might have realized, a little protective of my kids. I kinda figured that if you had some kinda beef with her, me announcing that I''m the local Patron Deity and she''s my kid would have been enough to get you to at least explain shit, y''know?"


    I sat there, waiting, until she made a kind of grunting noise. "Yeah, well. I guess that ship has sailed. But I really don''t like leaving things like this. I mean, unless you''ve secretlly discovered that this is your happy place, and you just wish I''d stop disturbing you and let you get on with living your best life as a tentacle sleeve." She opened her eyes just to roll them at me, then close them again. She might have groaned a little as she slipped the tiniest bit down again.


    "Okay, yeah, I didn''t think so, but I am the last person gonna judge somebody for their kinks. So, y''know, if you wanna stay here forever, just becoming an ever wider tube, I''m cool with that. But I guess I''m not cool with putting somebody in a box, even a metaphoric one, locking the lid and throwing away the key. So, ways out. You listening?" Her eyes opened, and she glared at me as best she could with her face spread across the side of a foot thick cord of muscle through her mouth.


    "So. Two other possibilities. First, if you do shit that gets other peopel killed, and by that I mean anybody, even your own people? I''m gonna fuckin'' eat you. I''ll reach inside you, pull in every little trace of you that might have survived me sucking all your Avatars into you, you''ll go into Mimc''s Maw, and that''ll be the end of you. No more Morrigan. I''m not gonna say I''ll be sad to see you go, but other than some excreble judgement about attacking people I care about right in front of me, with no provocation I could see, I can''t say I''m eager to see you go, either." I waited, and eventually she blinked and made some kind of grunty noise. Not sure how. I guess she could still breath, sort of. Not that she needed to, that Boon still kept her from suffocating.


    "The other one, and I''m not sure you deserve this, but I''m not sure you don''t, is a path to Redemption. I''m sure you''ve still got Clergy somewhere. People who have you as Patron. Somebody you could, eventually, convince to come to me and apologize. Maybe even explain. Dunno. But if you get someone to speak on your behalf, and they convince me that you''re genuinely worth giving another shot at existence, I''ll give you one. You''ll be on parole, with limiits and guards, but I''m not..." A laugh forced its way out of me. "I was gonna say I''m not cruel, but," I waved at her. "I think we both realize how bullshit that statement would be." I sighed. "But I''m not an idiot, and I''m not petty. Diana Redeemed herself by being the kind of Deity I''d be willing to be in a Pantheon with. I can''t tell you right now what that would be. Shit, I don''t even know that much about you. But if you get somebody to convince me, and then you convince me? Well, shit, Diana''s released on her own recognizance now, so I guess you would be too."If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


    I kinda slumped as she just stared at me. "Look, I know you''re more likely to try to con me than anything. I"m not even gonna say you can''t. I''m kind of a dumbass. But here''s the thing." I put one hand on her cheek, then increased the pressure pulling her down. "I don''t need to do any of this. I could just eat you. Or leave you here, destined to be a one meter tall, hundred meter wide cylinder. But that''s not who I want to be. So I''m telling you what your options are, and leaving it up to you." I swallowed a chuckle as I realized what I was about to say. "Where we go from here? Is up to you."


    I stopped pulling, took my hand away, and collapsed back to the snuggle pile in Lancaster House.


    Dreamt of my High Clergy doing the food thing. Weirdest part of the evening had to be Tallulah. Also the saddest. Because she floated a Tallulah cloud toward the Maw, and it drifted down in, and I expected, like, cotton candy or something, but it hit like angel food cake. Y''know, that super dense chewy cake stuff. At least I think that''s what angel food cake is; I''ve only ever had convenience store variations on it. Weird. The sad part was... the lack of joy. I''m not sure why, but she just seemed... obligated.


    Woke up realizing I needed to talk to her, but really wasn''t up for it after the previous night''s conversation with Morrigan. So I went loioking for something else to do and realized I needed to work on today''s Verse. The first of what look to be three verses of ''Closure''. So I sat down, shuffled through all the pages, reminding myself what I''d said, what I''d written. Trying to remember exactly what I''d meant.


    That''s when a single folded up piece of paper caught my eye. I... didn''t remember writing it, or folding it up. I mean, not really. I did, I think, but I couldn''t tell if it was an ''I remember that'' memory or an ''my brain is filling in what I think II ought to remember'' memory. So I opened it up and read it.


    Dear Future Me,


    I realize as I''m writing this that you''ll remember me writing it, and won''t need to read it.


    Or at least you probably will. Your''e me, and I forget important shit all the fuckin'' time.


    Then again, I''m really not sure this qualifies as ''important shit''. Not to you. To me, yeah.


    But that''s the thing. You''re me. But I''m not you. I never will be you. Not really.


    If they never figure out a way to bring you back, I''ll be all they''ve got.


    I swear to you, even though there isn''t and won''t be any you to swear to in that case, that I''ll do everything I can to be everything they need. Everything they want. Everything you would have been.


    I''ll fail. Because I''m not you. But I will fuckin'' try. I will never stop trying, until I die, or you come back, which is kind of the same thing, or time itself comes to a fuckin'' end.


    I''ll fail. But I won''t stop trying, and maybe, just maybe, if I try hard enough, they''ll forget that I''m not you.


    Maybe, if I try hard enough, I''ll forget that too.


    But I''ve got a favor to ask of you. If they figure out how, and I step aside so you can come back, just do one thing for me.


    All I can do is ask, and hope. You know why. We saw Red versus Blue season thirteen, all the way to the solioquy at the bigger end.


    So all I can do is ask you, please. As a favor. Just one thing.


    Be that better me.


    Protect them better. Lead them better. Love them better. All of them.


    You don''t have to. You don''t owe me anything. And I sure as fuck will never know if you don''t.


    As the man said. ''Ain''t that a bitch''.


    I sat there with that letter in my hand for... for a while. I''m not sure how long.


    I''m not sure if I fucked that shit up the moment I arrived back on the scene or not. But...


    Try. Fail. Get back up. Try again.


    I carefully flattened that letter out, folded it up, stepped to Dad''s cave, and held it out to Mom. "Can you please hold on to this without looking at it?"


    She took it from my hands carefully. "Of course, Daughter. May I know who it''s from? Or to?"


    I shot her a crooked smile. "From me. To me. Just..."


    When she realized I''d petered out, she asked, "so you''ll remember, and have it here if you do not?"


    I nodded, and she hugged me. "Of course, Daughter. Is there any time you might need it in particular?"


    I shrugged. "Maybe at some point when I''ve gone totally off the rails." I laughed a little. "If you''re still willing to get close enough to me to deliver it."


    "If she''s not, I will. And we''ll know when."


    Sigyn laughed. "I suppose I will. Did you need anything else?"


    I thought for a second, then realized that I sure as shit knew what I needed to do right at that moment, because Yule was coming up, and while I''m well aware that ''gift giving'' is not my core Love Language, there''s not a fuckin midwinter holiday that doesn''t have some kind of gift giving attached to it.


    "Thanks, Mom. Dad. I''ve got some shopping to do. You guys gonna be there for our first Yule at the new place?"


    "Of course, Daughter."


    So I spent the rest of the day off in M-Space, hunting shit up and pullinlg it across, then hiding it in spots I didn''t think folks would look between now and Yule.


    I even remembered gift bags!

 Day Five Hundred And Thirty

    Dear Diary,


    "If you want to follow me,


    Be the best you you can be,


    And help others do the same."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Closure


    Yeah, I kinda wanna wrap this up by Yule, and while there''s a lot of shit I want to include, I already think I''m running the risk of information overload, or tryna micromanage people''s lives, or some other screwup that I haven''t figured out yet, but have almost certainly already done. I mean, I guess the one inevitable thing that I''ve screwed up is writing rules that suck. Like, I''m sure some of the Verses I''ve got so far are absolute trash. Thing is, I kinda suck when it comes to this, so while I''ll definitely go over them all again, I have little to no idea how to know which ones are absolute trash, which ones are gems in the rough, and which ones are perfect just as they are.


    I guess I could just keep writing rules, but something I remember from my previous life is that when people who suck at making Good Rules decide to make up for it by making More Rules, this does not improve matters. Bad Rules... might not be worse than No Rules, but they sure as shit do not get better just because there''s more of them. I know the actual solution would be to write Good Rules, but then, I''m the one writing them, and we''ve already discussed why that''s not gonna work. I guess I could get Saffron and my ever increasing stable of Clergy to look them over. How the hell did I wind up with this many High Priestesses? Like, seriously, I get why I did each of them. Shit. NO. I haven''t done.... all... oh, fuck. No, seriously, I have not yet even considered having sex with Ria''s mother, because that would just be weird.


    Because I''m her mom too. As is Saffron now. And Marie. Siobhan is really more of an aunt, although if she wanted mom status it''s kinda an open door. Wait, fuck, why would it be weird? Okay, there''s the fact that she''s got four kids, and seems like she''s straight. Then again, I thought that about Saffron at one point. Fuck, I don''t know why it would be weird. Wait! Yes, I do! I would be weird because she''s definitely still fully in the ''My Goddess is all powerful and all knowing and I should kowtow to her and obey her every command, even the ones she doesn''t say out loud'' mode I seem to see from the Clergy of the worse class of Deity here and now. Shit, I gotta get Karen on her about that. Fuck, I''d intended for the Trials to be a thing, but now I''ve made another High Priestess... Maybe I can just say she''s a High Priestess of Mimic until she passes her Trials? Yeah, that sounds good.


    Wow. Holy shit. I think some of the time spent without the memories of all the bad shit that''s happened to me here may have been good for me. I mean, don''t get me wrong. On balance, here and now has way more good shit than bad shit. If you told me I could press a button and make that dude miss my forehead, putting me back in my old world with none of the bullshit about getting scarred over ninety percent of my body, falling to my death, having incarnate gods trying to kill me, having not one but two daughters killed right in front of me, and all the other traumatic shit what''s gone down, I would destroy that button and its creator just to make sure they didn''t make another one.


    No. No, I wouldn''t. I mean, button, yeah, gone, no deal. Creator, on the other hand, I''d carefully explain why that''s not something I even want as a possibility, because I don''t want to accidentally push that shit or something like that. If they tried any blackmail bullshit at that point, then I would break the shit out of them. Be all ''it''s the Maw for you, dipshit''. Because I want to be the kind of person people can come to when they''re proud of something, and if they come to me and say ''hey, I''ve made this thing that you find horrifying and awful'', I don''t want to lie to them, but I also don''t want them to be scared to bring me the next thing they make, because for all I fuckin'' know, it''s gonna be the Orgasmatron, only with space for me and all my willing ladies. Which I''m still not certain if that includes Tallulah on even a temporary basis.


    So with the idea of straightening that shit out, once I finished my Yule shopping, while I debated on where to put the last few bits, I thought, hey Karen, can you do me a solid?


    Of course, my Goddess.


    Oh, fuck, not you too. Tabitha, except when it''s formal. Or some other Title that doesn''t make me think you''re gonna turn your brain off and put me in charge or something.


    That got a laugh out of her. As you wish, Tabitha. What did you need?


    I''ve decided. As of right now, Tallulah is officially a High Priestess of Mimic. But before she gets to be a High Priestess of Tabitha Diaz, Trials.


    That... seems backwards, but... no, I understand I am your publicly acknowledged Highest Priestess; Priestesses of Tabitha Diaz will be directly associated with you.


    There you go. Can you take care of that?


    May I...


    Go on. Ask. Unless it''s something I''ve already told you is anathema, you''re safe. Even then, I trust you wouldn''t bring that shit up without good reason.


    She sighed, obviously in relief. Weird sound to have in my brain. May I borrow your Concubines?


    Given how I''d just been pondering how Tallulah was gonna fit into our little whatever it was, I kinda choked on my own spit at that. Then I realized she just wanted them to perform their Trials, with, I guess, Karen standing in for my Kitten, and relaxed. Then I remembered Marie''s Trial, and that launched the premier of Spit Choke Two: Choke Harder. It wasn''t until I felt some worry coming from Karen that my brain started functioning like something better than a lump of soggy bacon. Sorry, didn''t mean to worry you. Not you, it''s me. But yeah, sure, go ahead. Already gave you permission to correct any insufficiency of wooing either of them might have, don''t see why you can''t ask them to do their Trial thing. Then I thought of one more thing. Oh, go over the Trials with Tallulah before they start, and if she isn''t down for going through with them, let her know it''s fine, she can stay on as a High Priestess of Mimic. Only difference is the dress, really.This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.


    She made a pondery noise in my brain, then asked, may I wear the Holy Garb of Mimic?


    I paused, looked around the field of tentacles, and thought, You. Here. Now.


    She arrived before I had time to blink. "Goddess? Have I angered you?"


    I popped Glowing Midnight on her, displacing the Yandere Shobitch Wedding Gown to wherever stuff went when I insta-garbed someone. "Nah. Just wasn''t about to pass up a chance to see you in that." Then I thought for a second, and in the spirit of Being a Better Goddess. "Sorry for worrying you, Karen."


    She raised one eyebrow, which was amusing as hell since with the extra inches from Glowing Midnight''s platforms, she was kinda looking down her nose at me. "If I couldn''t handle being scared by my Goddess on occasion, I''ve chosen particularly poorly."


    I leaned back where I''d been resting my ass on a tentacle recliner, chuckling a little. "Well, that''s all I wanted. Unless you wanted to strut around posing in it while I watch. It''s a nice dress." I paused a moment thinking as she took a few steps, getting used to the platforms, I think. "Honestly the Yandere Shobitch Wedding Gown suits you better though."


    She raised an eyebrow. Then turned most of the way away from me, looked down, and reached down to brush something off the toe of her boot. Lint, maybe. Or dust. Possibly an entire live weasel. No idea. duBois honed body for the win. Also, she did look better, even from that angle, in the YSWG. Proof positive was the additional neuron activation when she switched back to that. Then she stood up and laughed at me. "I''m sorry, Goddess. But the... The look on your face is as precious as Marie and Siobhan said."


    "Ah, shit. Are we gonna have to free up closet space for another Concubine now?"


    She shook her head. "I''m flattered, but no, still not up for more than an occasional, ah, ladies night. And probably less often on that should I find a partner of my own."


    I shrugged. "No worries. Okay, I was a little worried, because I never wanted one Concubine, and now I''ve wound up with two. For the moment."


    "For the moment?"


    "Still working on wifing the first one. Not giving that idea up unless Mittens herself says to stop."


    She nodded. "By your leave?"


    I waved. "Go on. Didn''t mean to keep you. Oh! You wanna stop by the Homestead on Yule?"


    "I''m to be leading services at the Temple that evening."


    I nodded. "No worries. Just needed to know where to have your present delivered to."


    She blushed a little. "Present? But... I... I''m sorry, Goddess. I didn''t get you anything!''"


    I snorted. "Karen, you work for me. You do all kinds of shit that I''d hate doing, which means I don''t have to. That is more than enough present for me."


    She nodded. "Thank you, Goddess. Will you put in an appearance tomorrow?"


    "You want me to?"


    "It would be nice."


    I nodded. "I''ll be there. Won''t be for long, I''ve got family stuff. But I''ll be there. Gotta deliver those gifts, after all."


    She shot me a quizzical look, then stepped away to do High Priestess things. Or, y''know, go back to bed. It was kinda late at night.


    Late at night or not, I stepped down to the Questing Tentacle, checked in on something, then hopped back home.


    Dreamt of the full suite of Clergy doing that ''choreography practice'' again. Only this time with Tallulah dropping another cake bomb.


    Woke up and lay there, waiting, until Saffron woke up. I''d worried a little bit about the big room with the stone walls being cold, but along with toddler safe carpeting on the floor warming that a lot, the curtain around the bed kept the body heat in. Warm good. I''d almost fallen back to sleep when Saffron woke up, and I almost forgot what I wanted to talk to her about. "Kitten?" I whispered.


    "Yes, love?"


    "Uh... Tallulah."


    She smiled at me. "Reconsidering who will administer her Trials already?"


    "Huh? Oh, no, nothing like that. But," I paused, still a little weirded out talking about my ladies and their dream activities feeding the Maw. "At night?" Saffron nodded. "Yeah, she''s, uh... Does she really want to be there?"


    Saffron frowned. "Does her Worship displease you?"


    I shook my head, then tilted it. "I mean, angel food cake isn''t exactly my favorite. Too chewy, I think. But it''s kinda, I dunno. A reflection of her? It''s like she doesn''t want to be there. And I don''t want to force that. Like, if she wants to be there, and she just doesn''t know what to do, so she''s following everybody else''s lead, and she doesn''t know shit about, y''know, dream... prayer... worship... cooking. Look, I just want her to know it''s not mandatory."


    "Not mandatory." She looked at me, and I shrugged. "For you High Priestesses to Worship you."


    I thought about that for a second, then nodded. "Don''t get me wrong. It''s awesomesauce. Love me some Worship. Can''t tell if it''s better when it''s you three doing it sans clothes or space in between our good bits, or if I''m just biased. But I wouldn''t force anybody to Worship me, even a High Priestess, any more than I''d force them to, y''know, fuck me."


    She snorted. "Force them to." She shook her head. "Even now, after all that''s happened, you still think we have to force ourselves?"


    "Maybe?"


    She laughed and shook her head. "I''ll speak with her."


    "Thanks, Kitten."


    "You, my love, are always welcome, to all I have and am."


    Some necking may have occurred while we waited for everybody to wake up. It took a while. Warm good. I think Saffron and I might have been half asleep for half of it, and it was awesome anyway.


    Today Saffron wound up having Marie take all the Grand Councilmembers home for Yule, then led Marie and Siobhan in bringing our herds home. Yes, ''herds''. As in multiples. With a couple extra of each, since we''re gonna be doing some feasting. Thankfully, nobody needed or wanted me to do butchering. Instead, while my lovely ladies got their Livestock Lesbian on, I returned to my core competency of being a Lumberjack Lesbian. Literally. They sent me to find a big old pine tree, which I Mineral Bonded in place right in the middle of the Courtyard, and a ''deadfall oak'' big enough for everybody to get their Yule Log out of. Because apparently that''s part of the whole thing, which I didn''t really get the importance of last time. Took me a bit of doing to find it, and after confirming that I wouldn''t screw anything up by doing so, I hacked it to bits with Mana Blades and carted it back in just bigger than me-sized chunks. Oddest thing; I hadn''t had to do that with the Pine tree, because it was, in fact, still alive, and had an Aura; at least enough of one to Translocate it along with me without hurting myself.


    Sang what I remembered of the Lumberjack song all day as I worked, which really didn''t hit the same until I put my copy of Glowing Midnight, sans dress, on under my uniform.


    Pride of place for ''weirdest bit of info'' today though, still goes to the Livestock. Because at a certain Menace''s insistence, backed by all of her sisters? We now have a full herd of goats.


    I''m still pretty sure she ate one.

 Day Five Hundred And Thirty-One

    Dear Diary,


    "Live your life until it ends.


    I''ll be waiting for you there,


    You''ll tell me all about it."


    Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Closure


    Yeah, I think back at the beginning of writing all this I had some master plan on how the end would wind up tying everything together. But that just didn''t happen. If I were writing a story, I guess I''d feel some kinda way about that, but I''m not. I''m writing a Holy Book. If you look at Holy Books in general, pull out all the history and genealogy, get rid of all the Deity going on about how great they are like their Holy Book is some kind of rap battle and they''ve got to pump themselves up or the other Deities will score with all the hot honeys, what''s left is usually somebody saying ''hey, try living your life this way; it''ll make things better''. Now, some of them are all about making things better for the Deity and not the followers, and others get local shit mixed up with universal truths, but that''s what they are.


    Thing is, that means Holy Books, at their core, are about life. And life doesn''t end neatly, tied up with a bow. Yeah, some of us have really good health plans, and doctors who can tell us exactly how long we''ve got, but most of the people who have those don''t wind up with the kind of diseases that kill you slow and hard over years. They die from things like ''just too fuckin'' old'', ''not nearly as good a driver as they think'', and my personal favorite, ''orca took exception to their yacht''. So I guess even they wind up not really knowing. So yeah, death doesn''t let people tie things up nearly. Life doesn''t end like that. It ends with no warning, coming at you sideways, on some random Tuesday.


    So for most of us, which includes the vast majority of the folks who are gonna wind up reading this Holy Book and trying to use it to make some kind of sense of their lives, the end won''t be something they see coming with enough time to plan for it. So in the end, the best I can offer for them is the same thing I''ve offered my Kitten. To be waiting there for them at the end, ready to welcome them home, give them a hug, and tell them I''m proud of them for all the good they''ve done. Maybe give them a ride to the afterlife of their choosing, whether that''s Helheim, Hades, something I build just for my followers, or even the final game over of the Maw, if that''s what they want.


    No, I''m not copacetic with that. I''ll definitely try to see if I can''t interest them in something else. But if they''re certain, if they''ve decided that life and afterlife are not for them, I''ll take them there, maybe hold their hand until they''re gone. I dunno if that''s right or wrong. As I''ve mentioned before, my Moral Compass does not point to Good and Evil or Right and Wrong, so I''ve basically got to figure that shit out myself. Okay, I''ve got lots of people who want to help, some of them I''d trust to do so, and one or two who might be smart enough I think they could. But at the end of the day, it''s still my job. So I''m gonna do it. I might fuck it up, but I''m gonna do my best not to. Even if I''m probably gonna be cracking dirty jokes only I get while I do.


    Kinda like my Holy Book, really.


    So I got everything ready yesterday, which meant when the sun went down on the longest night of the year, I had nothing to do except bundle in with the family and sleep. Of course, because I''m a bit of an idiot I didn''t realize that there was a whole thing at midnight with lighting Yule logs in hearths, and my Kitten decided that as a Homestead we''d light them all with coals or straight up burning brands pulled from a big bonfire in the middle of the Courtyard. Well, not precisely the mididle, because that''s where the big tree was. Undecorated except for snow, but still kinda impressive. The bonfire was just to the east of center, with a big anti-fire Filtration Ward around the tree to keep it from being a second bonfire. Marie and I had piled the wood up, and if everybody else was bundled up to a fare thee well, including several of the women with long handled tongs to grab their chosen hunk of burning wood, I''d intended to go to bed early and sleep through the night, so I decided on skyclad. Which meant Saffron, Marie, and Siobhan did too. Which meant we had to fight a minor war, four on seven, to keep the kids from doing the same.


    At the end of the argument, I think it was Menace wanting to wear her uniform that won the day. So she wore that, Alex and Maze and Lindsey wore their onesies. Lindsey''s turned out to be a camouflage green basic bodysuit, which suited her oddly well. Ria actually had a winter coat and warm leggings, which just left Daya and David. We bundled them up in blankets and carried them, me with David, Marie with Daya. I handed Davidi off to Saffron when it came time to light the fire, because everybody expected me to do it. Which I guess made sense, what with me being the whole High Priestess of a God of Hearth and Home and Fire. I even managed to do it without slow rolling a Fire Bolt; I just pulled on Dad''s Fire God mojo, and poof, fire.


    People sang songs around the fire until it burned enough they could pull big coals out. I got to go first again, and that was another reason I''d gone skyclad. I wasn''t sure what of my wardrobe would have my ''all the nope to burning'' that Saffron and I had pulled off last summer going on, so I just stepped up, grabbed a decent sized log, and headed back to the house with a cheery, "it''s cold and snowy out here; get inside and get your fires going!"


    Dropped the log into the big fireplace that connected the Dining Room and the Kitchen, where we''d set up the biggest fuckin log of the oak I''d chopped down, not to mention plenty of other wood around it to get it and keep it going. Once it got itself going, we all headed off to bed.


    Rehearsal! That''s what the past couple night''s dreaming had been. My ladies, Tallulah included, did a whole song and dance routine. Like, more ''opera'' than ''musical'', but still pretty cool. Also, Somehow cake Tallulah''s wound up being far less ''brick'' and far more ''airy confection''. Surprisingly sweet, though.


    I woke up maybe a little late, and definitely well rested. Oddly enough, Marie was missing. I realized why when the fam got dressed in ''wandering around the house casual'', wandered up to the bathroom to take care of toilet needs, because the plumbers had, in fact, finished their work, and each of those cubby rooms had a toilet in a closet at each end. Didn''t get a bath, because apparently the big water cistern hadn''t warmed up yet, and I was not in the mood for ''ice cold bath''. We did try out one of the showers. Warm shower good. Not as good for my scars as soaking, but still nice, and a fun way to get everybody clean.


    At any rate, when we got down to our dining room we found everyone else at the Homestead there as well. Apparently they had kitchens in the North and South Houses, but by general consensus since the East House Dining Room was big enough for everybody, that''s where everybody came to eat on the day of Yule. I think maybe they''d originally intended to cook breakfast for us. but as Anna put it, "your Concubine was very clear on whose kitchen it was, and who would be allowed in it today." Which meant ''Marie''s Kitchen, and Marie was in it''. Like, I could see through the fireplace, and an entire squad of her was prepping, mixing, frying, plating... just everything.


    Of course when she brought out the first round of waffles and tendies, I snagged the Marie who brought us ours and pulled her down into my lap. "I get that you want to spoil everyone, and I''m all for it, but one of you is staying right here." Every one of her blushed, and it only got brighter when I fed her my first tendie.


    "So why do you get her and I don''t?" grumped Saffron.


    "My lap''s bigger."


    She huffed. "But mine''s empty."


    Siobhan? The Imperator is complaining of an empty... Good Girl. Ice Pop landed in my Kitten''s lap before I finished the thought. Yeah, I dunno if she wants to be wifed or not, or if it matters to her one way or the other, but if she wants it, she definitely deserves it. Soon as we''ve got Marie fully enwifenated.


    The day went pretty much like you''d expect from a holiday without television or computers or smartphones; just eating and telling stories and jokes and singling little songs. Marie kept the food coming in waves. Not surprising, she managed to do that with the three of us all the time when she put her mind to it. But after the main course at dinner, before she could bring out dessert, which I knew would wind up with people heading home after that, I stood up, lifting her in a princess carry.


    "Hey everybody! Could I get your attention!" I mean, I didn''t really need to shout. Or even talk. The moment I stood I had every eye on me. Little bit scary, really. I''d prepped for this, though. "Okay, I''ve got presents to give out, but before then, something important that needs to be done. I thought of all kinds of ways of saying or doing this, but neither of us is, y''know, smart or fancy. So simple it is." I set Marie on my chair, then went to one knee in front of her, pulling out the ring I''d slipped into my pocket while getting dressed. "Marie, my beloved Murder Mittens, would you please marry me and be my wife?"


    Cue global Marie blush, along with some indrawn breaths from the women in the room. She glanced at Saffron, who smiled, shook her head, and said, "you''re already wearing my ring, lovely Maenad." Then her voice dropped an octave and she chuckled out, "if you want? Take."


    "Yes!" Always so cute to hear Murder Mittens squeak.


    I held her hand steady and slid the ring on slow, despite her efforts to ram her finger through it. Something deep inside me settled into warm contentment when my ruby ring melded itself with Saffron''s onyx one and snugged itself down on Marie''s finger. Then she pulled me up and kissed me.The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.


    When she let me go, Saffron said, "it''s that for after we exchange rings at the wedding?" So she picked Saffron up and kissed her too.


    Then I started with my gift giving. First I did a bit of Co-Locating to deliver my gifts to all the women in the room, as well as their kids. For the women, who''d really struck me as practical sorts, I got them insulated winter jumpsuits and steel toed boots, the kind of things people working outside in inclement weather paid through the nose for. Their kids got winter coats, the full length kind, with mittens. I never understood mittens until I was too big for them, but the idea''s that they keep your fingers all in the same space to keep each other warm.


    I didn''t tell their parents about the candy I''d stuffed into the mittens. I mean, stuffing a stocking is traditional, but I''m not gonna get kids socks for Yule. Warm clothing and candy''s as pragmatic as I can go.


    Right around then, I hopped down to the Questing Tentacle, found the three Veterans I''d been looking for, and hopped them back to the Temple of Love. While one of me hopped through the crowd, dispensing hugs and, for those who looked innocent enough or just the right kind of not-innocent, kisses, another of me stopped in front of Karen. "Highest Priestess."


    "Goddess! You came!"


    Not yet. That''s later. "Of course, I couldn''t just not show up." I pushed my three passengers around between Karen and I. "Highest Priestess Karen Smith, These are Dragonslayer Veterans Thomas, Richard, and Harold. They fought with me at Calverton, and before that during the Battle of the Bay, and before that earned their Veteran Status during the New Amsterdam War serving in the Imperator''s personal Unit. Take care of them for me this Yule?"


    Karen looked pretty good blushing herself, especially with the whole YSWG showing so much skin, as I nudged six hundred pounds of fuzzy muscle with four brain cells between them toward her. "I''ll... uh... certainly try."


    Hey, you said ''big, strong, hairy, but guy''.


    Praise be to Tabitha Diaz, provider of things her Worshippers would never think to ask for.


    Back at the Homestead, I got Daya a whole set of glitter pens. Not exactly the priciest gift, but it matched her room and I wasn''t actually paying for any of it anyway.


    For I got a David a fashion doll with a whole wardrobe and a horse and it''s own little stable. Like, a fashion doll horse, not a real horse. I wouldn''t need to steal an actual horse. Well, I would, or I could, but I wouldn''t need to create it from whole cloth in M-Space.


    I got Lindsey a survival knife. Like one of those nice big hefty ones that has a compass in the knob on the end, and a whole fuckin'' survival kit packed into the handle. She had that belted around her waist so fast I didn''t even really see it happen.


    For Alex I''d dickered about a bunch of stuff, but eventually settled on something a little different that what she might have expected. I scried up and stole a whole shit ton of old ''smart books''. Not electronics, but the old Army training guides they''d shown us in my ROTC class. When she looked in her bag and saw books, she got a tiny bit of a booger look until I said, "everything you''d ever want to know about the practical nitty gritty of being a Hero, the day to day stuff that can keep you and other people alive when things go to shit? Is probably in one of those books." She blinked at that, then pulled one out, looked through it, a picture caught her eye, and she plonked her butt down right there to look at it. I think I saw her later asking Maze pointing at something in one of them and asking her to read it.


    I got Maze a copy of each of Tolkien''s books. Yeah, he''s not Pratchett, but I figured she might enjoy them. I also got her a bunch of composition books and a nice pen, the kind you can reload with new ink cartridges. When she opened that up, she gave me a quizzical look. "Nobody what reads as much as you doesn''t eventually want to write her own book." Her eyes got real big at that.


    For Ria I got a big assed art set. Like, the kind of thing every art supply store has one of on display, but nobody actually buys, because they''re gonna want to buy their stuff one thing at a time, and no artist has the kind of money to drop on all that stuff if they''re not gonna use all of it. But fuck it, I was dropping Mana, not Money, and I wasn''t sure if I''d be able to find any particular thing in the kit when and if Ria needed it.


    Menace, much like Alex, got a weird look when she got a book. Only one, in her case, although it was a bigger, prettier book with much nicer pictures. Unlike Alex, Menace pulled hers out and read the cover. "One, oh, oh, animawth thad can fu..." she looked at me.


    "Just this once."


    "fucking end you."


    "Yeah, I thought you might like some ideas, and maybe some pictures and stuff like that."


    I got a hug for that, after which she ran straight over to Ria to get her to read it to her. Apparently her reading is at the ''slow and out loud'' stage. She also prefers to share, which I can only approve of right?


    Following the trend of ''Tabitha''s bringing the library to you'', I handed Siobhan a gift bag, whispering, "uh, those should probably go in the headboard. Or wherever you want, like, if you want to keep them at home at the Aca..."


    She shut me up by kissing me. "Beloved Champion. Your children declared this my home, and I have never been happier. I live with more family than I ever thought to have, and my Duties are most often performed in my own personal slice of the afterlife. I love you, dear Tabitha."


    "I love you too, Ice Pop." She shot me a scrunch nosed mock frown, so I pulled her in close and whispered, "Siobhan," in her ear, drawing it out while she blushed redder and redder. "Someone is due for some very specific kinds of rewards as soon as we can manage." She didn''t quite faint, but her knees did buckle. Oh, no, dipped and kissed and no way out, I''m sure she was mortified. Especially when I lay her down on the little section of table set aside for Saffron and I and whispered, "dessert!" Then stood there giggling like an idiot while Saffron did the same.


    When Marie joined the snickering and reached out to lay a hand across Siobhan''s belly, I stepped over and said, "ah, ah, ah, Murder Mittens. You know Saffron gets cranky when anyone else gets dessert first. Besides, I''ve got presents for you!" I handed her a gift bag.


    She didn''t so much reach in as gingerly pull the tissue paper away from the stuff sticking out the top of the bag. Some of it fell out anyway, and she barely caught all of it. She blinked when she saw the little cards full of needles, and again when she peered under the tissue paper. I''d stuffed it with every kind of thread, needle, fastener, and other sewing thing I could find, and this was one of the big gift bags. "Yeah, I kinda wanted to get you a Cuisinart, or a nice stand mixer or something, but we don''t exactly have electric set up here yet. Which kinda let out a good sewing machine. But, y''know, I figure some of this stuff is hard to get here. Or maybe not possible at all. Oh! And this!" I hopped in with my arms loaded with fabric, full bolts in a rainbow of colors, plus some black and white and brown. She reached out and touched it, ran her fingers across it, and then pinched at it. Then she shot a significant glance at my crotch. "Yeah," I laughed. "it''s the same fabric my old panties are made from. Got you some elastic in the bag there too."


    Took me like half an hour to disengage from Murder Mittens'' mouth so I could give my Kitten her present.


    While I did, I hopped one of me back to the Temple with a plain brown bag, only to find Karen sitting on the Temple''s throne-bed thing getting just barely kid-viewable friendly with her three Veterans. I handed her the bag and said, "uh, hate to hand you work to do, but... rough draft. There are only three copies of that right now. I''d really like to know what you think."


    "Uh... Goddess?" She said as she very definitely did not take the bag. "Could you, ah, perhaps leave that in your office for me to peruse tomorrow? Please?"


    I laughed, leaned down and kissed her cheek, and said, "sure, Karen. Have a Happy Yule!"


    "Oh, that''s pretty much certain," she mumbled as I leapt to the Academy suite office and left the bag on the desk.


    When I collapsed back to the me only just extricating herself from Murder Mittens'' mouth and murder mittens, Saffron had gotten one of Siobhan''s books out of her bag and was reading it to her. Whispering in her ear as our Ice Pop lay on the table, blushing and giggling.


    I stepped over and handed Saffron her gift bag, and she smiled, laughing as she said, "Another book?"


    "Wait until you see the title!"


    She rolled her eyes, snorted, and pulled it out. A big fancy hardback, with scrollwork and everything. I think it was meant to be one of those ''coffee table conversation starter'' books or something, but that didn''t really matter. What did was the quality and the contents. Of course, Saffron just raised an eyebrow. "The Book?"


    I nodded. "Yep. Kind of a really fancy nice version of a prepper handbook."


    "Am I a prepper now?"


    I leaned in, "supposed to have everything you''d need to know to rebuild all of civilization back after an apocalypse."


    Her eyes lit up. "Everything?"


    I shrugged. "I mean, I''ve never read it? But the illustrations look really nice."


    She smacked me upside the head. "Goof. But thank you. I love it." She kissed me, then led me back over to her seat, where she sat me down and hopped on my lap. "Lovely Maenad?"


    "Yes?"


    "Will there be pie?"


    "Yes!"


    Siobhan giggled and said, "Oh, bother. I suppose I''ll have to get off the table then."


    "No you fucking will not," decreed Saffron. "You, my little dessert, will make a far better tablecloth than any other I can think of."


    "But I''ll get all... oh, that''s the point, isn''t it?"


    "Rather. Don''t you think, Goof?"


    "Absolutely, Kitten."


    And so there was pie. So much pie. Some fed to me by my Kitten. Some fed to Siobhan by each of us. Some fed to Marie by each of us. Most of it fed to Saffron by me. Much of all it fed very sloppily, leaving our Ice Pop covered in pie.


    Pie removal was dealt with after the kids went to bed, exhausted, after their long day of stuffing themselves.


    Never heard a tablecloth enjoy being cleaned quite so much. Then again, never cleaned one with my tongue before. Okay, one time, but I was really high.


    Afterward, as the four of us lay there in the Bedroom, I said, "hey guys, I, uh, finished the rough draft of the Holy Book. Can..."


    Before I could finish, Siobhan and Saffron both bounced upright. "Can we see?" Amazingly, Siobhan got that out before my little book nerd. I nodded, then pulled the second copy off the headboard shelf where I''d stashed it. "It''s... sorta done, but I''m still not sure..."


    "Hush." Saffron opened it, scanned through the first page, and smiled. "Really, Goof?" I smiled back. Then she started to sing. The first two verses she just made the tune up as she went along. Then she got to the third verse, and my toes curled and my eyes fluttered as she sang, "Try, Evaluate, Retry," in that seven syllable sing song.


    Look, I''m a dumbass of epic proportions. I''ve made it perfectly clear that when it comes to Good and Evil, Right and Wrong? I do my best with all that shit, but my Moral Compass does not help in any way.


    But when my Moral Compass is working the way it''s supposed to, guiding me to successful conclusion of sexy times, including those generated by climactically lewd in-jokes cleverly disguised as a Holy Book full of questionable advice and worse poetry?


    I''m a fucking genius.

 Day Five Hundred And Thirty-Two

    I''m a fucking moron.


    No, seriously, I''m not sure which point I failed on; failing at basic mathematics, underestimating my Kitten''s Glorious lack of anything resembling mercy or restraint, or how much the rest of my little whatever it is will back her up exactly when I''m not sure I want them to.


    So, yeah. Basic mathematics. I mean, even with amnesia I could count to seven, so I got that part right. But apparently somewhere in there I missed the fact that eighty nine Verses of three seven syllable lines each means two hundred and sixty seven. Okay, minus two because I didn''t really get the idea until the end of the first Verse. That''s still two hundred and sixty five consecutive orgasms. Which sounds like ''oh, holy fuck yes'', possibly literally what with me being a Goddess, but even my Divine body apparently has its limits. Like, when you remove the whole fucking concept of refractory periods, not to mention basic shit like ''chafing'' or ''being out of breath'', things start to cramp up a bit after a dozen or so.


    I''d figured out a workaround for that with Siobhan, of course. Simple Heal to the aching cramped up muscles and they loosen right up and you''re good to go. Of course, that doesn''t build up any kind of resistance to whatever had made things flex until they cramped in the first place, but apparently Siobhan thought of that as a feature, not a bug. My tiny dictator had other ideas. While I lay there curled up in absolutely exquisite agony as my body kept clenching muscles that had run out of clench twenty climaxes ago, Saffron, without pausing her serenade one bit, thought, oh, you simply must learn to tolerate more, my love. You''ve created a hymnal that is just so perfectly you, it would be a shame if they didn''t sing your praises whenever possible.


    You... I was panting inside my own brain, and I didn''t need to breathe. You unbelievably cruel bitch.


    Still singing, she Grinned at me and thought, was that a complaint?


    I... No.


    So she kept singing all the way through. For what it''s worth, since none of our duBois training really covered singing, and we didn''t have any water in the Bedroom, by the time she hit Verse Eighty Nine, she''d started to get a little hoarse, since she hadn''t stopped or slowed either. As I lay there blissfully whimpering, she came over and rolled me onto my back, then rubbed my sore, twitching belly as it slowly stopped twitching, the muscles unclenching bit by gradual bit. Way faster than I really thought it would, but then as I''d noted a long time ago, my Endurance had bypassed normal human limits a while back.


    She leaned over and whispered in my ear, "my poor Goof, her plans for lazy aural gratification gone awry." I whimpered out something while nodding, and she said, "well, my voice needs a rest, so..." I pulled her down to lie against me, at which point she said, "Sister, I believe Tabitha needs to hear your opinion... I mean rendition of her Holy Text."


    I''d completely missed her handing off the copy to Siobhan, but before I could move, especially what with Saffron holding me down, Siobhan started singing. Slower. Quieter. Making the whole thing sound far less mocking. No less effective, and no less excruciating after a dozen Verses. Of course, by that point I''m sure my Dopamine stream had some blood in it, although any test would probably have been spoilt by all the endorphins mucking about. Siobhan still sounded a little ragged by the time she finished. I was more than ragged, I was sweaty and curled up around myself.


    They worked together to unroll me, then rubbed my belly until I felt almost like a human being again, not some kind of overstressed orgasm having machine. "All you need do is tell us to stop, love."


    "Yes, Tabitha. I... I wouldn''t have done this had you not handed Saffron that book, fully expecting her to sing to you. I haven''t overstepped, have I?"


    At least that answer was easy. "No."


    Saffron ran one finger along the midline of my belly, right down that center valley of my six pack. "Do you want us to stop?"


    I tried really hard, but for some reason the word ''yes'' wouldn''t come out my mouth. "No." Of course, I couldn''t keep my fuckin'' idiot mouth shut. "Of course, both your voices are pretty shot by now, right?"


    "Marie?"


    I couldn''t even cover my ears at that point, as my marvelous Murder Mittens made her melodious voice echo through my skull. She had a surprisingly good singing voice. Also surprisingly high pitched. Maybe a little nasal, but I wasn''t really in the best position to judge minor details like that. Of course, with her not using her actual vocal cords, or even holding the Holy Book, apparently, she had her claws free to make biscuits on my belly as I cramped. Oddly, that helped. I mean, I still wound up curled around her murder mittens by the end, but when she hit that last verse I was almost not entirely incapacitated.


    "Welp," I wheezed. "You''ve each had your turn. Thank fuck you reprobates haven''t convinced Tallulah to join your Tabitha torture yet."


    Saffron frowned. "I''m afraid she''s rather less flexible in her tastes than Karen."


    Her eyes lit up, and I interrupted with, "nope, not gonna interrupt her, uh, Yule gift."


    Saffron got a faraway look, then smiled. "Oh, I see. Indeed."


    "You guys can see through each other''s eyes too?"


    Saffron nodded. "It''s not commonly done, because most Deities are unwilling to facilitate it." Her voice took on the ''lecturing Archmage'' tone I loved to listen to so much. I don''t like to admit it, but I really do have a thing for nerds doing their nerd thing. "Technically I''m not really seeing through her eyes. You are, but not consciously, and I''m seeing that through you."


    "Huh. I don''t remember doing that. Or, like, setting that up?"


    "Do you object?"


    "Nah, so long as you guys respect one another''s privacy just a little. Like, if one of you hangs up the ''do not disturb'' sign, or something like that."Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site.


    Saffron giggled, and a moment later the other two joined her. "Oh, if she were going to hang out such a sign, she likely would have done so. It would also be rather hypocritical at the moment."


    I wondered what she was talking about, then shrugged and took a look myself. Couldn''t quite tell what I was seeing, but the edges of her other senses told me exactly what she was doing. Given that I knew who I''d introduced her to, I kinda had a guess who, too. The where was right on the bed throne thing in the center of the Temple of Love. Which, after all, was pretty much a Temple of Lust after hours, and I''m pretty sure I heard other people doing the same elsewhere in the temple.


    "I would say more ''Temple of Carnal Delights'', myself, love."


    "Huh?"


    She shrugged. "Karen walked me through it while you were indisposed. There''s a very nice bar, an equally good restaurant, and even a few intimate musical venues. Touch, taste, smell, sound, sight, all are celebrated in your Temple, love. Not just after the children are in bed, either, although the more adult activities are behind closed doors if they go on at all." Then she turned to the other two. "Ready?"


    They nodded as I said, "ready for what?"


    Singing in chorus, of course. Somehow my poor Goof brain decided that was a good reason to triple up on everything. Like I said, I''m a fuckin'' idiot.


    At the end of that round, they pulled me back to bed in the middle of the cuddle pile and let me try to stop whimpering. Which I couldn''t really, until I fell asleep. I couldn''t get the grin off my face either, so I''m not complaining, just noting.


    Dreamt of... Look, Mimic is a continental mass of tentacles with a single central maw. I don''t even know she considered herself a sexual being. I don''t know how the other three managed to get Karen and Tallulah, of all people, to join in on that chorus, but Mimic responded. I guess we have the same Pavlovian responses or some shit. Again, not complaining, per se, but just... so fuckin weird. I just hope they don''t teach that song to the Kraken.


    Woke up oddly dichotomous this morning. Like, on the one hand, the kind of utterly and completely relaxed that comes with having entirely naturally induced neurotransmitter overload. Like, this compared to right after one of Loki''s Soul Massages, except without the stiffness. Or being so totally wasted that you can only sit and stare and giggle in relaxation, but without the hangover or munchies. I realized why that bothered me so much like half an hour later; my brain kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. I hadn''t been cut to ribbons by an army, or fallen out of the sky, or Co-Located through my own Anit-Co-Location Ward, or fallen out of the sky with nine sixteen inch phallic symbols between my legs, or even gone up against a Goddess Incarnate. Okay, maybe a little bit on that last one, but not to put too fine a point on it, I''d walked away from the first time with only some interesting scars on my hands, and I hadn''t even gotten my shit together that time.


    Holy shit, I had my shit together. Like, not completely or totally, obviously. I''m not sure I''d still be me if I didn''t have some kind of bullshit going on inside my head. But... no crises. No wars, plagues, or famines. I guess there''d always be Death happening, but hopefully nobody, like, out of the natural order of things, and even if that happened, at least three of us on the Homestead had Revive ready and waiting. I needed to do something to make Ria maybe a little more death resistant too, what with the whole ''collapse to powder on death'' thing.


    So eventually the rest of the fam woke up, a kind of cascade as each of them went from asleep to awake, then gradually kinda restlessed the ones around them awake. Once everyone had a chance to wake up fully, we pulled the curtains back and made our way up to the Bath via the Bore. In part because those back stairs seemed a lot less visible to the front door, mostly because our bedroom door was only like twenty feet from the big double front doors of the house, and while they were thick wood it was still fuckin'' cold as Helheim outside. Meanwhile the big fireplace was, like, right under that back hallway, and the heated cisterns were adjacent to the Bore above the level of the bath, so the kids'' hallway and the lower Bore wound up totally toasty. Well, not compared to our bed inside the curtain, but definitely compared to, like, anywhere else in the Alliance at the moment.


    Warm showers are nice, and definitely quicker than a bath scrubbing, but holy hell that Bath. Siobhan and most of the kids acclimated themselves bit by bit, and even Saffron walked in slowly, but Maze and I just slipped right in and lay back, utterly at peace with ourselves and our little well over skin temperature world.


    Breakfast... wasn''t. Not really. Like, I''m sure the women had breakfast downstairs, and I''m sure Marie made breakfast for them, but Saffron and I both agreed, no eating in the Bath, and after stuffing themselves for the entire day yesterday, the kids were surprisingly okay with it, just hopping out in twos and threes to run to the toilet and run back right after. Like halfway to lunch time, as I drifted to the surface to look around and see what the kids were up to, I saw Sigyn and Lyman... okay, Lymanette, talking with Siobhan and Ria. I kinda floated my way over into the conversation.


    "Hey Mom, Dad. Missed you on Yule."


    Lymanette snickered. "Oh, Daughter. Yule is a season, really. And since my most devoted Daughter gifted me a Hearth last Yule, this Yule it behooved me to see a proper Yule log laid and burning."


    "Huh. How long does Yule last, then?"


    She shrugged. "Traditionally it''s until the Yule Log itself burns to ash. But equally traditionally it''s twelve days, since some fools decided that their ''log'' would be the size of a whole tree and started burning their houses down." I laughed, and he gave me some fake side-eye. "Oh, she who has six foot of the trunk of an old-growth oak in your Hearth. It might well still be burning ten days from now."


    I shrugged. "You know me, go big and go home."


    He laughed, and we settled in to talk about nothing much at all until lunch. At that point he and Sigyn handed out gifts. Mostly toys and clothes. The one that stood out at the time was Lyman, back in his Lyman guise now that we''d all gotten dressed, giving Ria the gifts he''d brought. First, a little two inch silver cylinder.


    I barely heard him say, "don''t let Sun Wukong know you have this, he''ll be terribly upset." Then he shook it, and it popped out into a full length metal quarterstaff. I wandered over at that point as he showed her how to slide it back together. "Now, that''s not the sturdiest staff in the world; it''s hollow, for one. But you can carry it in a pocket, and it''ll rap someone''s noggin if they''re in need of that."


    I watched her collapse and extend it a few times, then she started moving through some... spear moves, I guess? I hadn''t really studied spear all that much. After a couple minutes of that, he nodded and pulled a wooden staff, one that would have made a decent pole arm for Tallulah, out of nowhere. "Now this, this will be something you can fight with when you''re grown."


    She collapsed her metal staff, pocketed it, then took the wooden one and ran her hands over it. "I... don''t recognize the wood."


    Loki just nodded. "I stole it."


    She giggled, then tilted her head. "It''s... blunt?"


    He smiled. "This is but the haft. The head... I''ve spoken with your brother, and he says he''ll need your sister''s help, but if you can convince her to assist him, he says he would love to, and I quote, ''make a spear worthy of my Fae sister''."


    While she ran through those forms with the longer, heavier stick, surprisingly unclumsy even with half a weapon, and that too big for her, I sidled up to Lyman. "So... Conrad?" He nodded. "You actually went to him about it?"


    "Politely. Yes."


    I gave him a hug. "Thanks, Dad."


    "Oh, you can thank me by letting me soak myself in that Bath of yours once you free me."


    I snorted. "I haven''t forgotten, Dad. Still working on it. Getting there though."


    He nodded. "I didn''t think you had, Daughter. Even if you forgot everything else for a time. Besides, just imagine Odin''s face when he finds out that the most potent spear in any Realm belongs not to him, but to my granddaughter."

 Day Five Hundred And Thirty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, at some point I need to make a list of shit I''ve promised people I''d do.


    Seriously, I''m sure there''s shit I''m forgetting. Like, I remember a lot of things when I think about it. Freeing Dad and his kids. Fixing Hades'' roof, and maybe doing a better job on Hel''s place. Seriously, if I put the time in to do his sunlight right, and hers is just kind of a smacked open rift to the sky, that''s gonna make her feel some kinda way. I''m pretty sure I remember promising, at least to myself, that I had to reward Grand Councilman George Papadopoulos. I definitely have to figure out some kind of reward for Siobhan, and Saffron''s made it clear she''s in need of some Penance for shit she had to pull while I was amnesiac.


    Those are just the big ticket ones that I can think of off the top of my head. I''m sure there are others out there that I put on the list and, because there is no actual physical list, forgot about immediately. That''s not a happy making thought, especially what with the potential for Divine Mana Fuckery giving me a painfully inconvenient M-Space Turbo Wedgie. Okay, that''s honestly the least of my worries, even thought it probably ought to be higher on the list. Really, I''m just trying to be the best me I can be, and ''doing what I said I was gonna do'' seems to be a big part of that. Integrity is something I think everybody ought to aspire to having. I dunno about anybody else, but at least for me a big part of that is follow through.


    Probably gonna need to sit down with Saffron and make a list, and have her hold me to it. I really hope that''s not asking too much, like I''m trying to make her be mature for me or something. I kinda wonder if other married couples eventually do stuff like this, and whether it makes their relationship stronger over time as they help each other with things they have problems with, or it eats away at things until they have some kind of blowup about it. Because that latter scenario does not appeal to me one tiny little bit.


    So Mom and Dad stayed yesterday all the way through dinner time, at which point we decided on after dinner showers and a nice long soak. While Saffron and Siobhan got the little ones showered and into the Bath, where Sigyn already waited to watch over them, I sidled up to Loki, currently wearing his Lymanette guise. "You know, you don''t have to do the girl thing."


    She looked up at me, raising an eyebrow. "It wouldn''t make anyone uncomfortable to have a man in the room?"


    I shrugged. "We''ve got some boys in here. Only a couple, but I realized just now that you doing that might be sending some kinda negative message about masculinity to them."


    She tilted her head. "You''d posit me as an exemplar of masculinity to young men?"


    I smiled at her. "Oh, devoted family man, literal God of Home and Hearth with a sense of humor? I can think of worse."


    "You realize I''m somewhat fluid on the subject of gender? That I have at one point literally been railed not like, but as a mare in heat?"


    I choked down a laugh at that. "Yeah, I get that. Funny thing, unless some of the Lancaster House bros show up or something, you''re also the most ''guy'' person in the room."


    She just poked my bicep. Or rather, put her finger against it and pushed and didn''t do much at all in terms of pressing into it. "Really now?"


    I nodded, my smile getting a lot more smug. "Yeah. Really. Because being a guy isn''t about being a wall of muscle. I think any boys here ought to see that."


    She pursed her lips, then said, "tonight would be odd, since I''ve already started like this. But going forward, I''ll see to providing a good example for how one ought behave in a mixed bath."


    I hugged her, and she squeaked a little. "Thanks, Dad."


    Weirdest fuckin'' thing in the world happened at that point, as Loki walked over to join Sigyn watching the kids. Tallulah showed up. Like, I maybe felt that little mental tingle that told me one of my Clergy was poking at my brain, and then Tallulah. Fully dressed, in her whole court regalia getup.


    "Goddess."


    "Hey, Tallulah. C''mon, I''m naked and about to climb in the bath. You can call me Tabitha."


    She opened her mouth as if to argue, but then said, "we are in your House. As you wish, Tabitha."


    I chuckled. "While on the topic of the House and customs thereof, you''re a little overdressed." She looked around, looked down at herself, and I waved for her to follow me and stepped into the room with the cubbies. Our locker room, I guessed, although what with everyone being a family member or guest, I figured we wouldn''t need ''lockers''. If we did, somebody was gonna need to find a new place to stay while visiting. When she followed me into the locker room, I asked, "so, what brings you to Casa de Aetos y Diaz?"


    "I hoped to spend time with my daughter Ria this Yule." Poor woman looked like she''d just admitted to grand larceny or some kind of blasphemy.Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.


    I smiled at her and put a hand on her arm. Had to reach up a little to do it. Tallulah be tall. "Yeah, if you want to take her home after her bath, I guess that''s cool."


    I''d tried to keep my disappointment at our newest girl going away during the holiday, but Tallulah must have spotted it. "I... I could... Could I stay here?" I must have looked a little happy, because she said, "I''d hoped to spend time in a place where I need not be on my guard at all times."


    Yeah, if you need to be on your guard here, you''re already kinda fucked, aren''t you? She winced, and I pulled her in to a hug. "Look, Tallulah, I didn''t mean anything negative by that. Ria''s family, which makes you family. Maybe give us a little more warning next time, though? I''m not sure we have enough towels."


    "Towels?"


    I nodded toward the Bath, and very pointedly did not look down at my very naked front, which I kinda sorta wanted to get showered and into said Bath. "Yeah. Ria''s in there right now. I''m sure she''ll be thrilled to see you."


    She surprised me with a wry grin. "I''m not sure Ria was thrilled by much of anything before you chose to foster her."


    I nodded toward one of the cubbies. "Well, no time like the present to fix that. C''mon, we''ve got a little time before the kids manage to overwhelm the Trickster God and his mega-mommy wife." She blushed a little, and I whispered, "look, if you really don''t want to get all the way naked, I''m sure nobody will say anything if you keep your panties and bra... er, shift on."


    She shook her head, then slipped her outfit off piece by piece, sliding each into the cubby atop the others. Her boots went into a cubby beneath the rest though. Honestly, they were the biggest reason I wanted her out of the Bath with them on; even if they''d been, y''know, ''scraped'', they were still boots. Not something you want in your bath water if you can possibly avoid it. Surprisingly quickly, she had everything, underthings included, folded neatly in a cubby, at which point she turned to me and said, "lead on, Tabitha."


    I took her hand and walked her back in to the showers, where Saffron was waiting for me. Siobhan and Marie had already joined Loki and Sigyn to soak and help with kid wrangling. Then again, between the heat and the hour, the kids weren''t all that hard to wrangle. Saffron and I scrubbed Tallulah down. Other than Marie, she was the first woman I''d seen here with the same kind of build I had. Okay, not nearly as much dense muscle, but still that kind of very little excess fat look. Okay, more Marie than me, I guessed. She waited until Saffron and I finished bathing each other, which gave me a bit of minor sad, what with that precluding even stealth shenanigans, but after yesterday I wasn''t exactly hurting for dopamine yet.


    When we finished, we each took one of her hands and walked her to the tub. We walked down the steps to a nice soaking depth, where the water was just above the knees, at which point I called out, "hey, Ria?"


    Our little Sidhe, who''d been playing some kind of lazy water splooshing game with Maze and Lindsey, turned, saw her mom, and her face ran through a gamut of emotions. Surprise at first, of course. Then maybe a little worry, like she thought Tallulah had come to take her home. Then, as she realized that her mom was actually, y''know, naked and getting into the bath, her whole face lit up, radiating joy hard enough it made me blink a little. It made Tallulah blink a lot as she held out her arms and knelt, and Ria did her best to come rushing over through chest deep water. Which was not very fast at all until a certain Horse Girl took her under the arms and just zipped her over into her mom''s waiting arms.


    I tugged Maze away to snuggle her next to Saffron. "Neat trick."


    She shrugged. "Kelpie."


    "Have you always been able to swim like that? Like, completely upright and still going as fast as you were running on land?"


    She giggled a little at that. "I''m not sure. Ria''s been... helping me." At my quizzical look, she said, "with, um, being Fae, I guess."


    "Huh. Cool."


    At that point Ria, who''d been talking to her mom, turned and pointed at Maze, and Tallulah extended an arm towards us, a clear invitation. Maze looked up at me, and I shrugged and nodded toward them. "Looks like your sister wants to introduce you."


    Watching her move through the water without Ria between us was something else. Almost no wake, like the water was moving out of the way for her or even pushing her along. Weird to watch, but very cool. Of course, less than sixty seconds later, I had to raise my voice to be heard underwater, carefully trying to add some warning into my voice without upsetting anyone. "Menace..."


    Tallulah might have been confused, but Ria and Maze absolutely knew what I meant, and between the two of them managed to scoop Isnomi out of the water before she re-enacted Jaws on Tallulah or something equally awkward. After that, Ria sat there more or less talking at her mom, Maze and Isnomi backing her up and prompting or prodding her as needed, while Tallulah looked very pleasantly overwhelmed.


    Oddly enough, she seemed less weirded out by everybody piling into one bed than she had with the bath. Maybe it''s because by then she''d had like an hour of three kids talking at her while she sat in water up to her neck with Ria in her lap. When Sigyn and Loki made their farewells, the rest of us got out of the tub and dried off with some nice white fluffy towels. The kids asked me for towel turbans, so I did them up for all of them. Then Saffron asked for one, and that led to me giving Marie, Siobhan, and Tallulah each one as well. Weird thing, Tallulah wound up being the one to do mine, because Siobhan couldn''t get the hang of it, Marie''s fingers couldn''t quite do the thing, and Saffron was too short.


    On the one hand, kinda missed having Ria right up against me. On the other, did me a world of good to see her snuggled up next to her mom. Who was between Marie and Siobhan, of all places.


    Dreamt of all of my ladies lazily swimming around my Maw.


    The following day the kids decided that the snow was perfect for outdoor snow battling. They got all the other kids at the Homestead with them and built two big snow forts, one on either side of the East House entrance. Ria convinced her mom to help design hers, which meant Menace snagged Saffron to do the same. I mostly just watched from the top floor of the tower, making sure nobody wandered off into the snow. While I did that, I pinged Saffron about something, and on receiving a wordless confirmation, Co-Located to the Academy.


    I signed myself up for Advanced Physical Training on Tuesdays and Basic Heroic Skills Two on Thursdays. Classes wouldn''t start for another couple days anyhow, but it still kinda bothered me that there were a whole bunch of classes I''d just kind of bypassed. So, screw it, since I''m a Hero, or at least a Hero-in-waiting, and Heroes get to sign up for classes, I signed my ass up. Should be interesting, anyhow.


    If I can remember to go to class this Season, at least.

 Day Five Hundred And Thirty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    With the whole tryna be a better person thing, along with following through on shit I intend or intended to do, I think I need to start paying things back. Not in any kind of grudge or debt or transactional way, more along the lines of I''ve gotten a lot of help since I wound up isekaied here, so I ought to go help others. Seriously, I haven''t really done that since I got here. Like, yeah, I''ve helped a lot of people, I guess, but it''s been incidental. I saved the Army because I went on a rampage when I thought Oliver had killed Saffron. I Cured the Plague because I didn''t want my family dying of curable illness. I fixed Lancaster''s familial dysfunction because it pissed me off. I fixed Norfolk because it was in the way, and that shit also pissed me off. I Liberated Calverton... well, honestly, I didn''t Liberate Calverton, except in the CEO kind of way. I mostly just pointed and said, ''go that way, very carefully'', and other people did the work. But it wasn''t out of some idea of ''helping people'' or ''paying it forward'', more along the lines of, well, communicable diseases pissing me off.


    But along the way there, I did help a bunch of people. It turns out I kind of enjoyed it. Like, it gives me warm tingly feelings somewhere north of the crotch region, which is unusual for me to say the least. I dunno for certain that it was me helping, or them being all appreciative, or maybe some really oblique Worship hitting me, but I made a connection between ''helping people'' and ''I like this'', so I''m gonna see about paying it forward when there''s not some kind of crisis on the line, as well as confirming that it is, in fact, helping people that I enjoy.


    Since I signed up for classes, today was gonna be my last official ''day off'', although I didn''t have a specific class any day except Tuesday and Thursday, and since I guess as a Hero In Waiting I was just auditing the classes, those weren''t hard attendance requirements, but I still wanted to start getting back into a more school day schedule. With that in mind I headed to bed a little early yesterday. Not, like, super early or anything. I wasn''t gonna pass up the evening soak in the Bath, after all. I did want an early start, so at dinner I grabbed one of Marie''s meat pies, and no that''s not innuendo, and now I want it to be but can''t figure out how to make it funny and or sexy, but I nommed it, then plead sore scars and traipsed off to the showers and thence to the bath.


    Wait, I guess nomming Marie''s pie is an innuendo. Which I didn''t do, because she''d stayed down mostly in the kitchen. Her kitchen, at this point, since neither Saffron nor I are really culinarily inclined. I think she''d started letting some of the women assist though, which could only be a good thing, since Marie tends to rub off on people, and Marie rubbing off in the kitchen is now something I''m going to steal her away to do at some point. Yeah, I think all that dopamine must have started wearing off or something. Anyhow, as I settled into the steaming hot water of the Bath, boots hit the floor near the doorway. Rolling over onto my stomach to look, vaguely hoping that Marie had picked up on my horny thoughts about her and hauled one of her creepy sexy still wet from last night bodies up here for some alone time before the kids finished dinner. Or Saffron letting me test out her flotation devices in a Bath big enough to be a pool.


    Neither of these were the case. Not even Siobhan testing out whether the hot water would make her more faint prone. Instead, Cailyn Crow stood in the doorway. "Good Evening, Champion. I hope I''m not intruding?"


    I shrugged. "Nah. But call me Tabitha. I get enough people blowing smoke up my ass on the regular, I don''t need family doing it too."


    She raised one eyebrow. "Family?"


    "You''re my daughter''s big sister. There''s probably some hyper specific genealogical term for it, but I''m not that kind of geek, so... family, yeah."


    She nodded. "Ostensibly, I''m here to see my sister, but between the two of us, I simply could not resist trying your bath once Mother described it to me."


    I nodded to the room behind her. "Cubbies for clothes in there, clean off in the shower beforehand." When she gave me a quizzical look about that, I explained, "this thing is already gonna be a bitch to clean. If we have people start getting in while they''re all dirty, it''s gonna get nasty that much faster."


    "Ah. I''ll be a moment then." She stepped out, then stepped back in a few moments later. What with her being my daughter''s sibling, I rolled over, lay back, and closed my eyes. Yeah, part of that was to give her some privacy, but mostly its because ogling my daughter''s sister seemed weird. Then again, we weren''t blood related, and if the hot water did unto her as it did unto spaghetti, neither she nor Tallulah were unattractive. Just straighter than Karen. Who was flexible enough to enjoy some time with Marie, not to mention the most recent all-hands-on-me High Clergy team building exercise, but I didn''t think Tallulah or Cailyn really swung that way.


    She certainly didn''t have any hesitation about following the house rules, nor about stepping into the Bath nude. I glanced over, at least in part to keep an eye on her to make sure she didn''t fall and kill herself or some shit, because Reviving a Sidhe is a major pain in the ass. A little less muscular than Tallulah. A little darker, both skin and hair. Looking at her hair I got the oddest thought that all the redheads I knew here and now were straight, or mostly straight anyhow.


    "Like what you see?"


    I realized right then that I''d kinda disconnected from what I''d been staring at, and wound up actually staring rather than glancing or watching. "Uh, sorry. Looked at first to make sure you didn''t fall or something, then kinda got distracted thinking about something else."


    She laughed as she slid under the water, then emerged with her hair dripping. "No worries, Tabitha. I''ve spent enough time in the Grand Council chambers to know you wouldn''t want to ruin your reputation for respecting the Agency and Consent of others. Looking harms no one."The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    "Hey, I really don''t give two shits about reputation. That shit just happens." I snorted, trying not to straight up laugh about that. "Just Happened. Anyway, no, I''m serious about the Agency and Consent thing. Those are important. My biggest fuck ups have been when I inadvertently violated somebody else''s."


    If she looked surprised at my vehemence for a moment, she hid it quickly. "Good to know," she said as she closed her eyes and lay back, not unlike I''d been doing when she arrived. I followed her lead and lay back and enjoyed the heat on my scars.


    "Cailyn? Cailyn!" I lazily rolled over at Ria''s first tentative question, then smiled as she bolted for the bath.


    I didn''t think, I just snagged her under the arms with a gentle shadowy tentacle. "Nope. Sorry, kiddo. Get showered first. She did, after all."


    Ria looked like she was almost about to little kid grump a moment, but then surrendered with a quiet, "okay, Mama."


    I looked over to Cailyn as I scooted Ria back to where Saffron waited to help her shower down. "Yeah, she started calling me that since the Revive. I don''t mind one little bit, really."


    Her head twitched, like she wanted to shake it. "You''re... you''re really her."


    I leaned my chin on my folded arms and settled in to watch my Kitten at work. "Yeah. I guess I am."


    "You''re supposed to be this great terrifying thing."


    I might have smirked. Didn''t bother looking to see if she''d noticed. "You have looked over in M-Space? Underhill?"


    She snorted. "Where you''ve... what, stolen some grain? Broken our threshold?" She got real quiet. "Saved my sister."


    "Yeah. Guess I did just that. Couple times, if you wanna look at it that way. She''s a kid. She''s my kid. It''s what I do."


    "And I''m supposed to be terrified at that?"


    I sucked at my teeth a moment, speaking low enough the kids showering couldn''t hear me. "I dunno. You gonna hurt kids? Or rape somebody? Or enslave them?"


    I had very mixed emotions when she said, "a certain councilman from Newark might convince me to do that last."


    "You be nice to George. He''s good people."


    She snorted. "I swear to you now, Tabitha, my intentions toward him may not be innocent, but I do not intend him harm." She chuckled a little. "Quite the opposite, really."


    I smiled and shrugged. "Hey, so long as you''re open and honest with him, have at. Just be gentle. He''s a nice guy, but I don''t know how experienced he is."


    With that our girl talk ended, or at least got a lot less intense, because Ria had finally rinsed off, and wound up half tackling her sister back into the water. Me, I just lay there until Maze and Lindsey joined me, at which point Maze and I talked about what she''d read from The Silmarillion. Because of course she decided to read them in chronological order.


    Got to bed early, like I said. Dreamt of my ladies sitting around gossiping, dangling their feet in the Maw like a pool in a secluded grotto.


    Woke to Ria nestled between Cailyn and I, Marie and Siobhan behind her, Saffron behind me, and kids jigsaw puzzled in around us like one of those parquet floors. Enjoyed watching them all wake up, one at a time, each one waking the next, intentionally or not, like sleepy dominoes. When Isnomi finished her boot up sequence, so adorably like her mom''s, I murmured, "you ready to go visit your brother today, Menace?"


    She looked grumpy for half a second, then got a mischievous expression and said, "yeth!"


    I rolled my eyes. "No bullying him. You know the rules."


    "Juth a widdew bid?"


    I scooped her over to me, then proceeded to tickle her into submission. "No bullying means no bullying, you incorrigible scamp, you."


    Marie helped both of us get dressed in our Academy uniforms, which is when I discovered that those rounded wooden walls that turned our bedroom from a square into a circle hid little closets. And by ''little'', we''re talking croissant shapes fifteen feet on a side and ten feet deep. Two of them held clothes, another had a little sewing area, a third had a bed and a toilet. For when somebody was sick, I guess. Useful to know about, at least.


    First I hopped over to our Academy office suite. Saffron looked up from her coding windows and smiled. "Hello love. Seeing to Ria''s spearhead?"


    "Yep. Coding again?"


    "It is my second favorite hobby, after all."


    "Whad da fiwth one?"


    Saffron''s ability to face tank questions like that never stopped amazing me. She looked Isnomi right in the eye and said, "your Mama."


    Okay, look, I had to send Menace in to Conrad alone, because there was no way I was gonna walk into his Workshop laughing my ass off like that. Especially when both of them were staring at me like I''d lost my fuckin'' mind. I guessed ''your mama'' jokes weren''t as big a thing in the here and now as they were back where I''m from. Of course, once she went into the Workshop, Saffron ''walked me to the door'' of the suite. Yes, she expressed very quickly yet thoroughly that coding is her second favorite hobby before shooing me out the door with a slap on the ass and a cheery, "have a nice day, love!"


    Wandered down to the Headmaster''s office, knocked, and at his oddly weary, "come in," opened the door and stepped in. I felt a little bad, because while he wasn''t haggard, he looked a little foxed around the edges. Like he''d been doing just a little too much for just a little too long.


    "Hey, Headmaster Miles. You okay?"


    He smiled. "Just a little tired. All the Cadets. But... the end is nigh."


    "Huh?"


    He laughed. "Nothing bad; The other Academies are set to open after the turn of the year. So I''ve but one more Season of this overwork, and then things will be back to... well, not normal, since things have been shaken up a bit, but far closer to what I''d become accustomed to prior to your arrival."


    I nodded. "I came down today ''cause I was looking to maybe help out. Sounds like you need it."


    I watched the clockwork Soul hiccough. "Are... are you suggesting assisting with administration?"


    I raised my hands, a horrified look on my face. "Oh, hell no. I wound up in charge in Norfolk and on the Calverton Campaign, but oh, hell to the no. I was thinking maybe teaching a class or something?"


    He paused, and I watched as that clockwork Soul spun back up to speed, then raced way past what I''d be able to follow. After like a minute, though, he shook his head and smiled. "You know, if you could see your way clear to teaching Basic Physical Training or Basic Combat Training, that would... well, suffice to say I could shuffle things around to free up one of the more, ah, detail oriented staff to assist me with my duties."


    I laughed. "No worries, Headmaster. I totally get why you don''t want me doing that. But... you mind if I take the Basic Physical Training? I''m really not sure I''m up to teaching actual sparring techniques to Cadets who might or might not have any real skill yet, but I think I can handle ''run in circles, climb that rope, lift that weight, jump over that hurdle'' without killing any of them."


    "That would be lovely."


    "And, y''know, if I do, I can always Revive them." I kept a straight face until he started to look nervous, then laughed. "Joking, joking. I mean, I will if I have to, but I think I can handle basic PT without any casualties."


    "Thank you, Champion. I''ll inform the Marshall; your first class will be this Saturnday."


    I nodded. "See you at breakfast Saturnday then!"


    I felt pretty good walking back up to the suite, and even better when I realized I could spend the rest of the day playing booster seat for Saffron while she worked.

 Day Five Hundred And Thirty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, I know I said I want to give back, to pay it forward, to help others like I was helped. It''s true, it really is. No questions. I want to do that shit, and I know helping others gives me the warm fuzzy feelings inside.


    So why am I so fuckin'' terrified now that I''ve volunteered to be a teacher at the Academy? Like, seriously, I''m basically alumni there. A proud Phileo City Heroic Academy graduate and everything. I mean, yeah, I''m technically a ''Hero-in-waiting'' until Inspect shows me as a fully fledged Adult, but it''s not like anybody expects me to pass any more classes. I guess if I really fucked up somehow over the next however long it takes, they might rescind that. Maybe. Given the state of affairs when I arrived, with a Goddess whose primary Boon to her High Priestess was Aura of Sexual Assault wound up labelled as the ''Goddess of Love'', I''m thinking I''d have to do some really serious shit to get more than a shrug and an ''oh, well, I guess she''s just like the others''.


    Which, by the way, is something I''m low key terrified of more or less constantly. Seriously, it''s like Her Dark Fatassness wants me to just climb on top of the pile and shit on everybody else. Like nobody realizes that it is well within the grasp of Humanity and Humanity-Adjacent folks to clean all this shit up and have a standard of living at least approaching what I grew up with. Fuck, better than that, really, because yeah, there won''t be an internet or video games or television, but there will be Actual Fucking Magic. Even if Magic in the here and now is a little less ''wave a wand, get stuff'' and a little more ''know the Shape, form your Mana into that Shape, stuff happens'', with a side order of ''ask a God, they do the hard work for you'', it''s still fucking Magic. Between me and my partners, three of us can literally Cure the sick and Heal the injured with an effort of will. Even if we''re too late, Reviving the dead is an option. Even if we''re too late for that, there is a legit afterlife. Multiple ones. People who''ve lived long enough and practiced hard enough wind up with Skills that let them do shit like Marie''s stitch witchery. Which, to be clear, I''m not sure how many people get that good, but even like, normal human lifespans ought to get somebody good enough to make some seriously nice shit.


    All that''s true, and yet somehow when I got here they had quality of life shitty to the degree that ''homeless orphan'' wasn''t even worth doing more than filling in a line on my Academy paperwork. Like, it wasn''t ''oh, shit, how did that get fucked up like that'', but just ''oh, hey, I guess that''s why you chose the Goddess of the Hunt, so you could catch more rats to eat''. Shit, Saffron actually told me that''s why she chose Diana, I think. Not in so many words, but pretty much ''yeah, I picked Diana just in case I couldn''t find work to feed my kid''.


    So yeah, I worry about fucking up so bad I wind up stalling the whole ''climb up out of the sewers of the past into a bright new future''. Which leads me back to worrying about fucking up the whole ''teaching phys ed so Headmaster Miles can get a break''.


    Got back to the Homestead in time for dinner, which was, uh, I can''t remember the name of it. I know it''s something they had back where I''m from, where you take a really good cut of steak and kinda broil it, then cover it in, like, a not-steak mash of herbs and veg and, uh, mushrooms, I think, then put the whole thing in pastry. Like, the only way you could up the difficulty level on this shit is somehow include chocolate, spun sugar, and bread. Although I think pastry counts for that last one.


    Marie nailed it, of course. I''m not sure what cut of meat it was, or if she managed some kitchen witchery to improve some other cuts enough to work with the recipe, or what, but she laid those all the way down the center of the table. The kids ranged from a quarter slice for Ria all the way up to a full slice for Alex and Menace. Didn''t want to spoil it by saying anything, but definitely felt proud of Menace for actually chewing and tasting. Because holy hell that shit was good. I had two slices, and I''m pretty sure Siobhan of all people did as well.


    Tallulah showed up for dinner, with Cailyn gone. She only ate half a slice of the steak pastry, but then I''m pretty sure she and hers all kinda go light on the meat. Once everybody got themselves pleasantly full, I headed up to the Bath; Menace, Tallulah, and Ria followed with me, the rest kinda hanging around digesting for a bit. Tallulah and I helped Ria and Isnomi shower, then settled in to soak while the kids swam around.


    "So... Cailyn filling in for you back in Rich Man''s Port?" Tallulah nodded. "You planning on Ria doing the same someday?"


    She shook her head. "I don''t think she has the temperament to enjoy it. Cailyn does."


    "So what''s Ria gonna do?"


    She shrugged. "That''s for her to decide, really, but since you ask, I think she''d enjoy being a Hero. Should she find it to her liking, she might even prove to follow in your footsteps and return to Rich Man''s Port and teach others."


    "You planning on building an Academy?"


    "I''m not sure. We''re a much smaller City than Calverton or Norfolk. We haven''t the resources to support a hundred Heroes, I don''t think. Not Phileo style ones."Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.


    I nodded my understanding. "Nobody says you have to. Maybe a smaller Academy, or... Huh, there''s a thought."


    "What''s that?"


    "Well, all the big Atlantean Cities have ships, and while some of them are combat ships, none of the Cities have what I''d think of as a real Navy. Nothing that would wind up building something like the Black Dragon any time soon anyhow."


    Tallulah barked out a laugh. "You''re a mistress of understatement."


    I chuckled along with her. "Yeah, I know. But Phileo''s starting to put out ships like the Questing Tentacle. Unless I miss my guess, the other big Cities are gonna build more like her, and I''m pretty sure Saffron''s gonna scoop up the lion''s share of those hulls for the Alliance fleet."


    She sighed. "Yet another nail in Rich Man''s Port''s coffin, really."


    "Doesn''t have to be. Doesn''t have to be anything like that."


    "How do you mean?"


    "The Questing Tentacle managed to navigate up to Rich Man''s Port just fine."


    She snorted. "This does not make me feel any happier."


    "No, no, missing my point. Which I''m doing a shit job of making, really. Um... Okay, look, the other Cities have a lot of merchant vessels. Some of them big enough to fight with. Norfolk has a couple purpose built combat ships, but frankly, compared to the Tentacle they''re kinda shit." I paused, and she waved for me to continue. "Rich Man''s Port... like, at least half of your people are sailors, shipwrights, or something else connected to, y''know, ships, right?"


    She nodded, confused but now slightly hopeful. "More than half, really. Something like nine in ten of the Humans, not to mention at least half of the Fae."


    "Okay. And all of them are pirates, right?"


    "Privateers now, officially. Although I suspect some might just sail back to England and base there rather than bothering to be more careful about their targets."


    I waved that away, splashing a little water inadvertently as I did. "Yeah, those aren''t the smart ones. My point though is that your people know about ship to ship combat. Probably better than anybody else in the Alliance."


    "We''re technically not part of the Alliance yet..."


    I grinned at her. "Do you wanna be?"


    "There''s that bit about having an Academy..."


    "That''s the best part. I cannot think of a single better place to have the Alliance''s Naval Academy."


    She mouthed the words a bit, almost like trying to taste them to get a better feel for the idea. "So... an Academy to train Alliance Sailors?"


    I nodded. "Yeah. Well, the officers at least. Although just like we''re starting to have a real full time Army with professional non-Heroic fighting men, we''re definitely gonna need regular non-Heroic Sailors who don''t go to pieces when bolts start flying."


    "Have you spoken with the Imperator about this?"


    I shook my head. "Nope. Just thought of it. You go ahead and suggest it to her." I paused. "If, y''know, you''re up for the idea."


    She smiled at me. "I''ll think on it." Then she frowned. "Although... there is something I would ask of you?"


    "Hey, I''m here to help. Whatcha need?"


    "My daughter." I glanced to Ria, but she shook her head. "Adrienne."


    "I haven''t heard good things, but go on."


    "She''s... I suspect most of that is due to the bad blood between she and I." Her brow furrowed. "Which I now suspect was at least in part engineered by my son." She went quiet.


    After a bit I prompted her. "Okay. So?"


    She shook her head. "Apologies, Tabitha. But I would take it as a personal favor if you could, perhaps, find out what happened to her?"


    Right then Saffron slipped into the bath between us, snuggling me for a very happy moment before rolling onto her back and letting her flotation devices do their thing. "That, Lady Crow, is something Tabitha might not be suited to, especially if Adrienne or someone aiding her is capable of defending her against Scrying."


    Tallulah sighed. "She is. I taught her myself."


    Saffron nodded. "Although the intelligence gathering network of the Alliance is somewhat new and somewhat disorganized, finding one missing heiress of one of the Alliance''s prominent Houses might be an excellent way to hone their capabilities." When Tallulah kind of worked her mouth without responding, Saffron smiled, closed her eyes as she leaned her head back, and thought, so. Shall we speak of this Naval Academy idea of yours?


    I''d kind of dropped out of the conversation, because not looking at somebody I was talking to when they were right there just struck me as a little weird without, like, a phone or something to look at, and I couldn''t look at Tallulah or Saffron without Saffron''s magnificence blotting out anything approaching rational thought. So I just lay there, head tilted slightly Saffronward, letting my brain get as blotted into pleasant nonfunction as my muscles were getting from the hot water.


    Dreamt of Siobhan and Marie putting on erotic vignettes while Saffron, Tallulah, and Karen sat plotting while they shoved little dumpling and cake ships into my Maw.


    In the morning, while one of me played booster seat for Coding Saffron and another played in the snow with the kids, seeing who could build the biggest snowman, I Co-Located over to Dad''s place and kinda... not trauma dumped, I don''t think. Worry dumped? Yeah, worry dumped about teaching. Time flowed oddly, as it always did, and we talked forever and a day about what he knew about teaching. Which was all, like, mentoring more than classroom, but still was more than I knew before.


    Of course, at the end of the day, he poked me in the brain with his final bit of advice.


    "You know, you could go ask someone who''s taught before, someone you learned from yourself."


    "Yeah, but which of them has the time to spare to let me pick their brain? And which of them would actually want to do that, ''cause I don''t want to monopolize somebody''s time ''cause I''m the ''Champion of the Alliance'' when my whole point was to give them less work, not more."


    He smiled at me. "Well, at least one of your former professors, one who I''m told knows something of Co-Location himself, considers you his prot¨¦g¨¦, so I''m sure he''d be thrilled if you came to him for advice on teaching. And... well...."


    "Yeah, I''m dumb. I totally didn''t think about, like, him Co-Locating to answer questions while he growls at the Cadets. But who else?"


    "I''m not certain how many questions would actually be answered, since she seems rather enamored of making you speechless while you do the same, but your Concubine can, in fact, Co-Locate with more facility than the Marshall."


    Have I mentioned how I''m a fuckin'' idiot?

 Day Five Hundred And Thirty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, I cannot adequately express exactly how much of a dumbass I am. Like, seriously, there are so many things where after the fact I wind up saying, ''holy shit, I was doing that wrong the whole time'' or ''well, fuck, I fucked that up beyond all repair entirely because I overlooked a glaringly obvious fact''. The worst part is that as far as I can tell, the times I''ve wound up fucking myself up worst are the times when I did that the most.


    Seriously, if I think about it for more than half a second, plenty of occasions jump to mind. ''I''mma just pour all my Mana into this Cure, including the Mana making me Big, and I''mma do it all at once, a five mile drop is nothin''. ''I''mma ride the sixteen inch guns as the Black Dragon drops from five miles up''. Shit, I almost offed myself when I decided to stop the melanistic orange tabby of continental size from eating all the Fae grain, again via a five mile drop.


    Okay, I''m not sure those are actually five mile drops. But they''re all roughly the same overall height, what with ''tops of Mimic''s tentacles'' being where I fall from most often. You''d think I''d learn and start, i dunno, wearing a parachute. Or remembering to cast fuckin'' Air Shield. But no, I am, as I said yesterday, a fuckin'' moron. I''m just glad my partners apparently like getting fucked by a moron, because otherwise, no idea why they''d be with me.


    Yeah, with all the ''oh, noes, I gots to teach now'' I totally forgot that I''d signed up for classes. One of which was an actual class with material I ought to learn and shit, not just an excuse to run laps and lift weights.


    So yesterday after a pretty solid day, Dad capped it off by reminding me that I can, in fact, ask my two favorite instructors at the Academy for advice on teaching, even though both of them have a pretty packed daily schedule. I pondered that as I headed home, snagged Siobhan and sat her in my lap to feed her dinner. She looked like she''d had a rough day, but smiled when I spooned the first mouthful of broth into her.


    "So I''m to have Marie in my lap this evening?"


    I snorted at Saffron''s mock-annoyed question. "Nah. Mittens, sit her on your lap and feed her, please?"


    I think Saffron might have objected, but a mouthful of stew ended any complaints. I smiled at my Kitten''s amused pout, then turned to Siobhan. "Hey, Sister?" She got a little bit of a pout herself, but I forestalled any complaints with a mix of another spoon of stew and saying, "sorry, Ice Pop, got a sort of professional question for you."


    Her mouth still full, she smirked at me and said, and you''re not asking Saffron? Her Skills are far higher than mine.


    I snorted. "Nah. Not those. Although thanks for reminding me. But yeah, I need some advice on teaching."


    You... well, of course. What did you need to know?


    "No, not tonight. I''ve got class tomorrow. Like, a class I''m taking, not one I''m teaching. If I try to learn something tonight, my brain will be full tomorrow, and I won''t be able to learn shit."


    She snorted, opened her mouth, and got another spoonful of stew for her troubles. You sell yourself short, Tabitha.


    "Yeah, well. Better safe than sorry?" She rolled her eyes and chuckled a little as I fed her more stew. Not too long after I scraped the last of it out of the bowl. She clamped her lips shut, so I asked, "are you full already?"


    "No, but..."


    I took absolute advantage of her robes to hide the tentacle interacting with her butt surreptitiously as I interrupted her mouth with that last spoonful of stew. Oh, you. Now you don''t get to taste it!


    I set the spoon in the bowl, then pulled her lips to mine. I beg to differ.


    I did not, in fact, feed her all the tendies on the plate. We split those. Okay, I mostly filled her up on tendies and took what was left, but she''s pretty small, and skinny to boot, so I got just under half of them. Still taste tested her when we finished though. Then Marie and the women who''d been kitchening with her rolled dessert out, and I used more surreptitious tentacle shenanigans to swap Siobhan for Saffron.


    "Oh, now you want me?"


    I just grinned at her. "You know I want all of you, all the time, naughty Kitten."


    She grinned back at me, but somehow I noticed the haunted echo in the back of her eyes. "I have been naughty. When''s my Penance again?"


    "Working on it. Be patient, Kitten."


    "Yes, Goof."


    "Now, open wide. Pie time!"


    I definitely think the whole ''Bath bigger than some swimming pools I''d been in'' was the smartest thing I''d ever suggested. Pretty sure I suggested it. I definitely approved it.


    Dreamt of my ladies doing ladylike things. Sapphic things are ladylike, right? Okay, Tallulah just sat there looking like a critic, so I poked her with a tentacle until she started directing the chibi beans to yeet cake Tallulahs into my Maw. Look, dreams are fuckin'' weird, even at the best of times.


    Rolled out of bed early, kissed the ladies and kids before getting dressed in my best Academy uniform and heading to class. Saffron asked, "and why will I be missing my favorite seat today?"


    I smiled and gave her another kiss before answering. "Because at least for this first day, I need to pay attention. I''m gonna be trying to learn new Mana Shapes, and doing that shit blind is always a pain in the ass. And, y''know, your ass on my lap is distracting even when I''m not paying attention. Which I totally would be. To your ass, not the class."


    Saffron rolled her eyes and said, "Marie?"


    A few moments later Marie handed me a shot glass of white powder and a water stein. "Uh, why am I going to class high again?"If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.


    "Do you trust me?"


    I shrugged, shot the glass of flour, then downed the entire stein of water. Then I blinked and looked around. "Nothing changed. No Fae Illusions, I guess?"


    She just smiled at me, pulled me down for a kiss, and said, "have a nice day in class, dear."


    I hopped over to Lancaster House to find Bonnie and Larry eating waffles. Okay, Bonnie feeding Lucas and Larry feeding Bonnie, but that''s still all of them involved in waffles being eaten. "Hey, you guys need a ride to class today?"


    Bonnie smiled at me, "certainly, Commander."


    I stole myself a waffle while they finished up. Somehow just not the same as when Marie was here making them. Don''t get me wrong, still Lancaster House waffles, still awesome, just... not as awesome. The secret ingredient is Murder Mittens Love, I guess. Hopped us over to the Academy, then got the least pleasant surprise of my day, which shouldn''t have been a surprise at all. I''d signed up for Basic Heroic Skills Two, somehow thinking that I''d be in class with the Lancasters. Forgetting not only that they were, in fact, in Intermediate Heroic Skills, and not even Intermediate Heroic Skills Two, since they''d finished that class while I was dealing with amnesia, so they were in Intermediate Three.


    Still, I think I managed to keep my immeasurable disappointment and ruined day off my face long enough to see them into class with a cheery wave, then got myself down to Basic Heroics Two. Where I found a very familiar face waiting for me.


    "Diaz? What the fuck are you doing here?"


    "Marshall! Are you telling me my favorite teacher doesn''t love me any more?"


    I reached out a hand, and he caught it and pulled me in for a back slapping bro hug, much to the amusement of some of the other students. "Oh, I''m pretty sure the one who taught you Assess Health and Stabilize is higher on your list than me now."


    I just grinned at him, thinking Gold Watch thoughts. "Oh, I dunno."


    He blinked first. "Something you''re not telling me, Diaz?"


    I smiled and laughed. "Always, old man. Always. Plans have been made! Plans!"


    Old fart had the audacity to laugh right back at me. "That''s a relief."


    "What?"


    He smiled and said, "I''m the one who taught you Strategy, Diaz. I know what your planning is like."


    "I''ll have you know I did just fine in both the campaigns I''ve run. Thanks in part to the very fine teaching staff at this institution." He just snorted. "And Saffron''s helping with this particular plan."


    His perfect look of comic horror had the students in the room chuckling despite themselves. "Oh, fuck, I''m doomed."


    I just smirked at him. "Something like that, yeah. You mind if I sit up front?"


    "Wait, Diaz, my Diaz, not sitting in the delinquent''s row all the way in the back?"


    I shrugged. "I know, right? But we''re gonna be Shaping Mana, so I figure I need to see your hands move." He got a real booger look on his face. "So I can copy," I stressed the word, "those hand motions. I still have that whole vision problem going on."


    He sighed, smiled again, and shook his head. "Yeah, sit in front. Might as well keep my eye on you. Not that it''s likely to do any good."


    I picked an empty desk, sat down in the chair, and leaned forward on the desk, lacing my fingers and keeping my elbows together on the desk as I leaned forward. "Aw, c''mon, Marshall. I''m sure it''ll do some kinda good."


    He raised an eyebrow. "Somehow I do not think that you and I have the same definition of ''good''."


    "Yeah, probably not. Mine''s a whole lot more fuckin'' fun, though."


    He snorted, laughed, then watched the last couple students straggle in, his smile melting into a frown as he did. He pulled himself upright, and projecting his voice so that none of the delinquent types could possibly gossip coherently while he spoke, said, "Now that everyone has deigned to join us, for those of you who don''t know me, which would be some kind of odd accomplishment since I''m still the only Physical Training and Combat Training instructor at this Academy." My hand shot up and he paused. Then let out a longsuffering sigh. "Yes, Diaz?"


    "Not any more, sir! Starting Saturday!"


    He shook his head. "I''d been trying to keep that out of the rumor mill, Diaz." Oops. "But my point still stands. I''m Marshall duBois, and this is Basic Heroic Skills Two. Now, to get to this course, you need to complete Basic Heroic Skills One, which means you all know the basics of Mana Shaping, since you can''t get out of that class without demonstrating each of the Skills at least once in front of the Instructor. Now, since this is a Winter section of Basic Two, that means some of you started in the Autumn Season, some of you missed a couple seasons, and some of you took Basic Two before and failed the course."


    He paused, looking around the room. I kept my eyes on him, both because despite being my usual hellspawn self, I really was trying to be a decent student and learn some shit, and because I figured he might make an example out of me for not paying attention if I didn''t. "Now, I don''t hold any of that against anybody. Lachlan Lancaster, who could be a walking recruitment poster if we needed one, failed Intermediate Heroics One a record six times before he managed to pass it. Everybody''s got things they have a hard time learning. Like Diaz here," he reached out and lay a hand on my shoulder, which made me feel oddly warm and fuzzy, because Mentoring reasons, I guess, since neither the warm nor the fuzzy went further south than my sternum. Then he flicked me in the ear just hard enough to sting. "Never learned to duck."


    "Ducking''s for losers."


    He rolled his eyes and said, "some people, on the other hand, are just stupid. But that doesn''t mean you can''t be a Hero. It just means you gotta try harder."


    I kinda muttered. "Carruthers."


    Unfortunately, duBois'' hearing hadn''t faded in the slightest. "Diaz, I will not hear a single negative thing about that young man. He''s one of the most hardworking Cadets it''s been my honor to train."


    I raised my hands, shaking my head. "Oh, shit, no, sir. No disrespect intended. Absolute badass on the battlefield. Saw him pull shit nobody else but Marie can pull off." One of the Cadets in the back of the room made a really weird surprised noise at that. "But saying he''s dumber than a box of rocks would be unfair to most boxes of rocks, sir." I smirked at him again. "Definitely hardworking, though. De-fin-ite-ly. Him and Lachlan make a hell of a team." I waited just long enough for him to drop his guard and try to continue before muttering, "hell of a double team, too."


    He sighed. "Diaz, are we gonna have a problem?"


    I shook my head. "Sir, no sir! Sorry, didn''t mean to cause a disruption once you''d started class, sir. I..." I realized right then what had happened. "I might be slightly intoxicated sir." When he frowned, before he could say anything, I continued. "Imperator''s orders, sir."


    He took another deep breath, then said, "do try to keep it under wraps, please?"


    I nodded. "Sir, yes, sir!"


    "Okay, before the interruption, do we have anyone in here who failed Basic One? Not trying to call you out, and I will not tolerate any of the rest of you giving them any problems, for the reasons I''ve just said." He waited half a tick, then nodded to someone in the back of the room. "Your name, Cadet?"


    "Sarah." I couldn''t help it. Like somebody''d hooked a cable to my eyeballs, I swiveled around until I could see the source of that very familiar voice. Intellectually I knew that wasn''t Marie sitting in the back row, leaning against the wall since the chair was patently too small for her to lean back against it, and Maenads weren''t really built for proper ''sitting upright'', even if Marie and the Maids had mostly mastered it. But there she was, a Maenad wearing an Academy uniform, the name ''Sarah'' stitched on the left breast.


    In passing I noted that while the rest of the class all wore normal Academy colors, their nametags were all different colors. Blue and white, blue and yellow, blue and orange, blue and black, and yellow and blue. Sarah herself had the same white on red as my own. I shot her what I intended as an encouraging smile, only to get something that expressed side eye even as she looked right at me. Then again, I''d kind of fucked her boss. Who was also her Divinely designated thirst trap. So I gave her another smile, a discreet thumbs up, and turned my ass back around to face front.


    Managed to keep myself facing front and paying attention right up until he announced the first Heroic Skill we''d be learning. Okay, the announcement that we''d be learning ''Lullaby'' as a way to non-violently disable opponents didn''t do much for me, but then he started Shaping the Spell... And I saw the Mana was Shaping.


    My Kitten is awesome, and I''m coming to class high on Fae flour from now on.

 Day Five Hundred And Thirty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    Holy. Shit.


    I can see Mana! Like, not just a wavery weird heat glare from a ley line, or the glow of excess Mana when I pump so much into me that I go all super-Saiyan blonde glowy, but like normal amounts of Mana that normal people like the Marshall use! Like, his is still kinda wispy looking, I guess, which Saffron told me is because his Patron is likely a Trickster, and he''s very aligned with Air. Like, she doesn''t know either of those for certain, because she hasn''t Inspected him or anything, but she did see him Shaping Mana back when we had him as an instructor, and when he did it so we could see, he ''looked'' like he was using Mana with some strong Trickster and Air mojo.


    I mean, shit, I guess I should get that different Mana takes different colors. While my Mana Blades and all the little Mana wires I extrude when I''m shaping are super bright white, where Saffron showed me that when she uses her own Mana instead of mine, hers come out the same deep black light black that Slayer does. Weird that Mimic''s Mana would be light instead of dark, what with her tentacles all being a kind of dull matte black, and my fur when I drop my Blend going the same color.


    I totally looked around the room when he had us paired up trying to do the Lullaby Shape. I mean, I shouldn''t have been, but I was. Weirdest thing, I think, is that Sarah''s Mana is this funky green purple brown mix. Like, when she''s doing it, it''s green with purple highlights, but when she lets it go, it fades to brown with purple highlights. Just wild. Yeah, I partnered up with Sarah. She got the shape right, it made me yawn, but that was about it. I did my thing and tried not to overpower it, but she put her head down right there on the desk and took a nap.


    Picked the Lancasters up after class and gave them a ride home. Still managed to make it home in time for dinner. From what I can tell we''re having a lot of stew at the moment not just because we''re eating up all the leftovers from Yule, but because Marie can make a killer stew out of the salted bear meat we have stupid amounts of still. Weird, I always read that carnivore meat tasted nasty, but I know tuna are carnivores, and I''ve never had a problem with tuna. Maybe fish follow different rules?


    Of course, when I sat down to eat I wound up with a lapful of Murder Mittens. I looked over at Saffron, who smiled and said, "I want the little one tonight."


    Siobhan, of course, squeaked out something that sounded vaguely like, "I''m at least three inches taller than you!" Saffron just stared at her, smiling, as poor Ice Pop wilted, finally saying, "I wanted to feed you with you in my lap."


    Saffron smirked, pointed at her lap, and said, "tomorrow. If you eat everything I put in front of you."


    Look, I''m all for Siobhan finding her own power and authority, and tomorrow''s gonna be hella cute, but trying to stare down Saffron is just asking for some consequences. Even if she likes you. Hell, especially if she likes you. Of course, apparently Saffron remembered the whole overfeeding thing, and wound up feeding the Sister less than I had.


    Didn''t you want to talk to me about teaching this evening?


    Nah. I do that I''ll just forget it all by Saturday. Tomorrow.


    As you wish, Tabitha.


    Tallulah came to visit again after dinner. She played with Ria and Maze and Isnomi at bath time, and curled up with all three of them when bed time arrived. At which point Saffron spirited us all away to the Bedroom, landing herself, myself, and Marie on the bed, with Siobhan standing in that little open space. "Am... Am I in trouble, Mistress?"


    Saffron just smiled, closed her eyes, lay back, and stretched. "Of course not. Why would I be angry at you for wanting to spoil me." She paused, then wriggled in a way that shut down my higher brain functions. "Of course, my cooperation with that still hasn''t quite been secured, you realize?"


    Siobhan''s so cute when she gets pouty. "But why not?"


    Without opening her eyes, Saffron purred out, "I put us in front of you, did I not?"


    Siobhan''s reaction was just as adorable as Saffron''s when the sweets come out. Hell, it''s pretty much the same reaction. Also, the woman is preternaturally talented. Must be the blonde thing kicking in.Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.


    Woke up in the morning to a whispered discussion between our three chief troublemakers. When I sat up and stretched, they all went quiet, so I waved them over. "What''s the matter?" I whispered.


    Isnomi and Maze both looked at Ria, who sighed and said, "I want to bring my bed from back at the Keep."


    I shrugged. "Okay. Worst case we have to ship it overland if it''s too big to translocate. What''s the problem?"


    She frowned. "Before I do that, I would like to have the others stay the night in my rooms at the Keep."


    "Which others?"


    She looked a little abashed, then said, "I suppose any who wish to, but I''d primarily been thinking of Maze and Isnomi."


    "Is your bed big enough for everybody if they want to join you?"


    She sighed and looked crestfallen. "No."


    "What about dinner? Does your Mom have enough place settings for everybody?"


    Another sigh. "No."


    "Well then, I guess you''d better sort out a way to pack extra blankets for everybody in case somebody has to sleep on the floor, and talk with your mom about making sure she''s got enough dinner for everyone whichever night you all decide to do this."


    Y''know, I think my favorite part of being a parent and a partner is watching somebody''s eyes light up when you help them figure out how to get whatever it is what they want to get. I mean, I like it even more when I''m the one who can hand it to them, but even just helping them sort stuff out for themselves is awesome too. "Thank you, mama!" She glomped me, which started a whole wakeup chain reaction.


    "Now, ask your mom if it''s okay first, then find out who wants to go, then let her and Marie know. Marie is just awesome with blankets and food both."


    "Truth." Murder Mittens herself announced, although I definitely saw a blush lurking under her fur. I pulled us together and snuggled her. "Thanks, Mittens." Then I remembered. "Oh, hey, did you know your sister Sarah is studying to be a Hero? Like, at the Academy?" I absolutely did not the booger look that covered her face. "What''s the matter? Some kind of bad blood between the two of you?" She shrugged. "Wait, did you want to be a Hero?" The look she gave me told me without fear of misinterpretation that she had no intention of sitting through any classes at what she still thought of as ''her'' Academy. "Okay, then what''s... wait. Are you jealous?"


    I know I''ve said jealousy is stupid, and I stand behind that, but ignoring when your partner is feeling jealous about something is equally stupid. "Maybe."


    "Oh, Mittens, sweetie, she''s a classmate. Seriously, I''ve got no intent there. Like, if I wound up flirting, it was totally by accident, and I didn''t even realize I was doing it. Which I wasn''t. Because I''m not interested in her." Mittens just shrugged and made a throwaway gesture. "Uh, okay, if it''s not that, then what?"


    "Sparagmos."


    I rolled my eyes. "You''ve absolutely got that on the brain. You think I''m gonna say no to you and then say yes... to..." I realized right then that if some other random Maenad asked me for that, I might just shrug and get to dismembering, because while I''d still be worried about them not waking up, I wouldn''t be devastated if it happened. "You''d feel some kinda way if I did that, wouldn''t you?" She nodded, eyes glistening. "Okay then, I won''t."


    "But..."


    I shook my head. "If she needs it that bad, I know where to find you. Tell me you couldn''t do the job just as well as I could." She shrugged. "Really, you think I could do a better job of it than you, Miss Champion of Dionysus, Queen of the Murderfuck Cult?"


    She grinned at me, murmured, "Yes." then kissed me. Long enough, with enough involvement on both our parts, that we both more or less forgot what we''d been talking about before we started.


    Marie made waffles for everyone today, and I swear she must have stolen the brain of the Lancaster House waffle makers, because I could not tell the difference. Okay, I preferred Marie''s waffles, but I am fully prepared to believe that''s entirely because Marie made them. No Fae waffles for your girl Tabitha, though. Saffron decreed that I''d be limited to Thursdays and special occasions, especially until the next crop got harvested. Fortunately rationing wasn''t quite as bad as it might have been after the melanistic orange tabby''s bogarting several fields worth of grain, since plenty of the supplies from the Morrigan''s fleet washed up on the riverbank down by Rich Man''s Port. Most of the intended consumers of said supplies who washed ashore were mostly dying anyhow, and without me around to fix them, most of them went the way of all flesh, just very, very fast. I felt a little bad about that, but it''s not like we crossed the Atlantic to attack them.


    I followed Siobhan around for most of the morning this morning, pretty much just Co-Locating her away after any time she gave advice to one of her assistants and picking her brain about it. Eventually, she smiled at me and pulled me away.


    "Tabitha, I''m happy to answer every question you have, but I think what you need to know, that you don''t know you need to know, is that there is no one right way to teach. Every student is different, and every student will need different things from you. All you need do is pay attention to them, to learn what they need, to meet them where they are and guide them to where they need to be." She stopped, smiling beatifically. "It''s not unlike parenting, and you''re so very good at that!"


    That... that kinda threw me. I spent the rest of the morning half zoned out thinking about how Siobhan thought I was a good mom. Like, unironically. Mind. Blown.


    Then the afternoon with duBois. Except the first time I pulled him away to ask him something, he looked at me, raised an eyebrow, and said, "look, Diaz. You''re the fuckin'' Champion of the Alliance. You tell those kids to jump, they''re gonna jump. You tell ''em to run, they''re gonna run. All you gotta do is remember what I taught you, teach them that, and then add in anything you''ve learned that you wish I''d taught you before you wound up out in the field."


    Well. Shit. What do I do now?

 Day Five Hundred And Thirty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    Okay, so after he cut my pestering questions short yesterday, the Marshall gave me one bit of sort of good news. I won''t be testing my new batch of Cadets. That''s apparently done during the three days before ''End of Season''; the Solstice or Equinox, depending on which Season it is. So instead I get to start in directly on stretching, calisthenics, and Squadball. I''m not thrilled by that last, because my last memorable experience with Squadball was when Bill attempted to catch two of them with his ears simultaneously, with fatal results. Still, I''ll make sure everybody knows the rules.


    So my lesson plan, such as it is, was to show up for breakfast at the Academy, totally rip off Marshall duBois'' trick of beating everybody to the center of the Practice Field, give them the ''I''m Diaz, you''re not, do what I tell you'', then have them stretch so they don''t wind up pulling something when I have them do calisthenics. Like, everything I can remember both from duBois PT, ROTC PT, and Phys Ed class. Then maybe an hour before noon I''ll start them running. Do the same trick after lunch, then have them sprint a bit more, then have them play some Squadball.


    I really hope nobody dies. That would suck.


    Stopped in the Infirmary after finishing up with the Marshall yesterday and waited for Siobhan to get done with her stuff for the day. What with her having two assistants now, not to mention a full time scribe to handle record keeping, she gave in to my puppy dog eyes pretty quick once the last of the Cadets left to get dinner. I scooped her up and stepped her right back to our dining room, only to find Saffron with a lap full of Marie.


    "Uh... wanna trade?"


    "No," she said, lifting a spoonful of stew into a bemused Marie''s mouth. "I''m fine."


    I shrugged, sat down, and started feeding Siobhan. Before I could get a proper spoonful of stew into her, she asked, "so, what did you learn from Marshall duBois?"


    I shook my head. "I''m honestly not sure. I think mostly he just gave me my curriculum. Like, what I''m supposed to teach, at least for tomorrow."


    And that is? She thought as she savored the stew.


    "Stretching, calisthenics, some Endurance training, and Squadball." She made a face. "Yeah, not my favorite either, but duBois uses it to teach squad level tactics, so I at least need to teach them the rules tomorrow."


    Saffron chimed in with, "what about that game with the baskets?"


    I thought about it. "Definitely helpful on the teamwork thing. Probably at least as physically demanding. I''ll see about starting that next week. Not like anybody''s likely to forget the rules for Squadball once I teach them, right?" By that point the sheer size difference between Saffron and Marie had wound up with at least two spoonsful of stew going down Marie''s front. "You sure you don''t want to trade?"


    She got a booger look, then set her spoon down. "Certainly. Marie? Go feed Siobhan."


    So I wound up getting pampered a little by my tiny tyrant. Oh, noes. She even fed me at least two bites of pie when it arrived. Miracles really happen!


    Of course, Marie wound up needing a shower after having soup dumped down her front several times, which meant it didn''t take much to entice her into the Bath. When Tallulah showed, she spoke briefly with our terrible trio of Ria, Maze, and Isnomi, then floated over Saffron. A few minutes later, the two of them drifted over to us.


    "Are you aware of our daughters'' intent to stay at the Overlord''s Keep for an evening?"


    I opened one eye and looked over at Saffron before replying. "Yeah. Sleepover. Seemed like an okay idea?"


    Saffron sighed. "The Keep isn''t exactly a nurturing environment."


    "Yeah, but they''re not gonna go wandering. Just spend the night in Ria''s rooms. That was the intent, right?"


    Tallulah cut in with a wry, "that may have been the original intent, but Isnomi wants to check in with her ''There things''. The Steeds, from what I understand?"


    "Oof. Yeah, that tracks, though. Is it just the three of them?"


    She shook her head. "David wishes to see Ria''s room, as does Daya. Alex doesn''t want to be left behind, and I think Lindsey may object to being the only one remaining at your Homestead."


    "Yeah, you might be wrong about that, but better plan for her to go along and have her stay here than the reverse. Damn. I''d really hoped you could host our little ones for an evening."


    Tallulah shrugged. "I don''t object, but I''m not sure I could provide a proper dinner or security for them."


    We all sat there stewing on that for a little bit, at least until Marie purred a little and said, "Will."


    "You sure, Mittens?" She just looked at me, giving me all the side-eye in the world. "Okay, I guess so. You sure you''re okay with it, if Marie comes along to chaperone the kids?"


    "Certainly. Does any particular day work better for you?"


    I thought about that for a second. "How about Monday?"


    Tallulah nodded. "Monday it is, then."


    That left us the rest of the evening to soak, so we did.


    My ladies have taken to soaking in my Maw in dreamland. Really weird. But then dreams are.


    Woke up early, kissed everybody on the forehead and popped my uniform before any of them were properly awake. Okay, any of them except Marie, who caught me and gave me a thorough tonsil inspection before I left. I think my favorite part of the morning had to be ten minutes later, when I slid into a chair at one end of the high table in the Academy Dining Hall, only to have Murder Mittens herself slide a whole tray of spicy eggs and jalapeno scrapple in front of me. After properly rewarding my magnificent Maenad with some gratuitous liplock, I set to eating my nostalgic breakfast.Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    While standing Co-Located at Parade Rest in the middle of the Practice yard.


    I gotta say, I wasted a lot of really awesome spicy eggs last year. Okay, I didn''t waste them, I ate them, but I really should have taken my time and savored them. Marie''s cooking is meant to be enjoyed, not gobbled. But then I guess back then I was doing everything I could just to stay up and running. Like, I''m pretty sure at this point I could subsist on nothing but Worship, and if we hit another lean time like last year''s near Famine, I would totally cut back to just enough to be polite, but back then I wasn''t getting Worship from anybody except, y''know, maybe Siobhan after the incident with Bill.


    As I savored my food, I took some time to look at the Cadets in the room. The first thing I noticed had to be the nametags. If anything, my Thursday class had more white on red than the overall Academy population. I mean, it made sense, what with every other City in the Alliance either suffering massive Heroic casualties or not having a real ''Heroic'' tradition. I know the blue on white was Camden Yards, but I wasn''t sure about the rest. I''d have to check up on that eventually, but for the moment I figured it could only prejudice me.


    Cadets filed out of the Dining Hall when the Maids started giving people serious side-eye. I kept eating, enjoying the fact that the Maids seemed to accept the fact that Marie herself would take care of my trays when I finished. A few minutes later, Cadets started trickling into the Practice Yard. I stood at the East end, letting them try to get a good look at me with the rising sun backlighting me. Okay, it might have paused in its rising just to give me an extra couple minutes of backlighting. When about half of them had gathered up two pavers in front of me, I popped off a Message Spell to amplify my voice and said, "good morning, ladies and gentlemen. I was informed there was a class of Cadets meeting today to begin Physical Training. Was I misinformed?"


    One of them, a straw haired blonde dude only a little bit shorter than Lachlan, shouted out, "yeah! Where''s duBois?"


    I smiled at him and let the sun continue on it''s way. "That''s odd, because CADETS OUGHT TO KNOW HOW TO STAND IN FORMATION!" They all froze when my shout rocked the Yard, then sprang into motion when I hollered, "four columns, eight rows, move, move move!"


    At that point straw boy, whose orange and blue nametag read ''Citron'', kinda whined out, "but how do we sort which City we''re from?"


    I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Cadet Citron, are you or are you not from New Amsterdam?"


    Ignoring the rest of the Cadets arranging themselves into four columns, sometimes with some less than gentle bickering, Citron said, "I am!" Like he wore that as a badge of pride or something. Which, just to be clear, I had nothing against folks from New Amsterdam. But this dude just reeked of an excess of a ''Larry circa a year ago'' kind of arrogant stupidity.


    I nodded, letting the Spell carry my voice to the other Cadets. "New Amsterdam is part of the Alliance, right?"


    "Yes." Holy fuck this little jerk had a knack for pissing me off with a minimum of verbiage. He also said ''yes'' like he wished New Amsterdam could back out of the Alliance or something.


    No worries, though. "So, at some point you might wind up working, even fighting alongside any one of these fine Cadets, should the Imperator need you to, right?"


    More booger look. "Yes."


    I very carefully didn''t sigh, mostly because I''d missed a trick. "You know, Cadets, I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot here. I''m new to this whole ''instructing'' thing. I''ve acted as Marshall duBois'' teaching assistant a time or two, but this is the first time I''m teaching solo. My fault entirely. So let''s start over." I paused, but Cadet Citron didn''t get a rush of brains to the head. "Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. I''m Instructor Diaz, and this is Basic Physical Training. If you''re scheduled for something else, you might want to leave, because otherwise you''re missing class and you''re gonna wind up sweaty for no good reason." Nobody laughed at my joke. A few in the formation looked like they weren''t certain if they were allowed. Citron just idioted there. "Now, some of you may be wondering what my qualifications are. Because some of you might not recognize me."


    I realized right then that the whole ''backlit'' thing had probably been a mistake, entirely because it didn''t let them get a good look at me. So I turned and started to do a bit of pacing, just to let them get a look at me in profile, maybe a look with a little less backlighting. "Now, as I said, you''re all going to be training and working together for the foreseeable future. While it''s fine to rep your City, I''mma make a few things clear here. First and foremost, if representing your City well drives you to be the best you can, I''m all for it. But the moment your City Pride makes you get stupid ideas like somehow the Alliance is a passing fad, or that one City is more important than another, I will disabuse you of that notion." I turned to Citron. "Do you know why that''s important?"


    He shrugged. "Some people might be jealous of those of us from wealthier Cities?"


    I couldn''t help it. I sighed and looked at the ground. "Where''s the Headquarters of the Alliance?"


    Citron replied, "New Amsterdam."


    I blinked. "Incorrect." When Citron opened his mouth to argue, I drove over him. "Anybody else know?"


    One smallish woman in the front row, who I just now realized had been standing in Parade Rest opposite me when I initially spurred everybody into motion, raised her hand. "Cadet..." I glanced at her nametag, then at her face, then back at her nametag, then back at her face. "Vickerson?" I stepped over to her, confirmed that she was in fact the same Vickerson I''d last seen getting cheered by her squad of Soldiers in Cavlerton, then back to my swagger line. "Holy shit, Vickerson, good to see you. Trying for Hero?" She nodded. "Okay, Cadet Vickerson, tell me, where''s Alliance HQ?"


    "The Grand Council Building of the Alliance is centered on the Grand Council Chamber, which is anchored by Treachery Rock, Ma''am!"


    Damn. I''d never heard it called that before. Bitchin'' name. Wish I''d thought of it. "What''s that mean then, Cadet Vickerson?"


    "The Capitol of the Alliance is not located within any of the Alliance''s Cities, Ma''am!"


    "Excellent!" At that point Citron had gotten a booger look on his face and directed it alternately at me and Vickerson. "Now," I spun to face him. "Can you tell me what else is important about Treachery Rock, and why you in particular should know about it, Cadet Citron?"


    "It... started the final battle in the last war between New Amsterdam and Phileo?" I stared at him until he muttered a grudging, "Ma''am?"


    I nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, it did. And why is that important to you in particular?"


    He looked like he''d rather eat his own boots, but he ground out, "because the high casualty rate of Heroes meant that when Ophelia decided we needed to revamp our Academy, there were more openings for Cadets. Ma''am."


    I raised an eyebrow. "You''re on a first name basis with Grand Councilwoman Orange, Cadet?"


    "She''s my cousin, ma''am."


    I closed my eyes, drew a deep breath. "Of course she is. Now, I''ll ask you again, are you on a first name basis with her?" He got a mulish look, and I added, "because if you are, I can definitely mention your stellar performance in class to her next time we talk."


    "No. Ma''am. That won''t be necessary."


    I nodded. "Well then. Do you know why the casualty rate was so high at the Battle of the Walls?" I noticed by the winces from well over half of the rest of the Cadets that they all knew why, even if Citron didn''t.


    "General Orange wasn''t there to command, ma''am!"


    I shook my head and stepped over in front of Citron. Well within reach if he got that stupid. "You are both correct and incorrect, Cadet Citron. Correct in detail, he was not on the battlefield outside of Newark''s Walls. However, as it''s called ''The Battle of the Walls'', plural, because two battles happened simultaneously at that point. One outside Newark''s walls, with New Amsterdam''s forces commanded by Octavio Orange. The other outside Camden Yards'' walls, commanded by General Oliver Orange. So he was, in fact, at the Battle of the Walls. Have you seen your cousin Oliver since the battle, Cadet Citron?"


    "No, ma''am!"


    I nodded. "Yeah, kinda figured. Next time you get leave, if you want to visit him, let me know. He deserves more people to see what happened to him."


    I waited, and Citron went  for the bait. "What happened to him, Ma''am?"


    "The same thing that happened to all those other Heroes who died that day." I smiled, stepped up to where he had to look down to see my face looking up at him, and still amplified, whispered out, "me."


    Finally the clue that I''d been hammering into his forehead sank in. "You''re... you''re her."


    "I''m her." Fuck it, they could stretch after a warmup run. "Outer track, five miles, at a run, MOVE MOVE MOVE!"

 Day Five Hundred And Thirty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    So overall, other than the introductory challenges with Cadet Citron, yesterday went pretty well. Started them up with a five mile run, which got everybody warmed up. Then walked them through basic stretching. Went to the trouble of showing them both with and as a woman and a man, because something I noticed when working with Larry back in the day was that guys just do not quite flex the same. Something about the angle of the hips and shoulders, I think. More in the hips than the shoulders.


    Mostly because they seemed the least intimidated by me, I demonstrated with Vickerson and Citron. Nothing crazy, just simple seated straddle stretches, mostly. Then we did calisthenics until lunch. Had some fun with them by jogging down to the Dining Hall chivvying the slow ones, then settled in for a nice bento box brought by my mucha bonita Maenad Maid Marie. Mucho bonita? Look, I spoke conversational Spanish back in the day, but I failed the class in High School, and not having to pay attention to jack shit in terms of language other than writing Celtic here and now hasn''t improved anything.


    Back to PT, with a double sized class I wound up having to break things up in eight teams rather than four, and setting up two simultaneous matches, each in half of the Practice Yard. I''m not super proud of the fact that I completely forgot about the whole ''lit up no-go zones between the teams'' and had to pester Saffron about it. Turns out it''s a combination of an illusion like the thing we did with the feast at Larry and Bonnie''s wedding to make the line glow, an Alarm Ward for the buzzer, and a combination Stabilize and Lullaby attached to the Alarm Ward. Which was something I totally didn''t realize you could do, but made a lot of sense once I thought about it. I also put up a simple Filtration Ward across the middle of the Yard to keep the games separate.


    Look, in order to make a flat wall I had to put the center over in our Academy Suite bedroom. Not my fault that Saffron caught me putting it up and decided to reward my ingenuity. Don''t judge me.


    When I dismissed the class to head to lunch, Vickerson lagged behind the others. I stepped over to where she stood waiting in the growing dusk, and she jumped just a little.


    "Champion! I... uh..."


    "Instructor is fine. Instructor Diaz if you want to be all formal like."


    "Um... okay. I... Well."


    Somehow the free floating clue managed to find my skull and penetrate it. "This is about what happened after you called Marie in, isn''t it?" She nodded. I think she might have been blushing, but between her dark skin and the dimness of evening I couldn''t tell. "Look, Cadet Vickerson, don''t get the wrong idea. You did a good job that day, and hit me in absolutely the right mood for something like that. To be perfectly clear, that''s not all that hard to do; even my wife says I''m likely to Just Happen to people on the regular. But it was kind of a one off thing. Again, not impossible it could happen again at some point in the future when, y''know, you''re not a Cadet in my class. But so long as you''re here at the Academy and I''m teaching here at the Academy? Not gonna happen. Do you get why?"


    Her face had gone through a whole roller coaster of emotions, and now she frowned and said, "no?"


    I sighed. "Look, if your whole reason for coming to the Academy was to try and get with me on the regular? Go talk to the Imperator at some point about moving to the Homestead, not to mention your amorous intentions. You might recall she''s not exactly against that kind of thing. But if your intention was to actually become a Hero?" She nodded, and I blew out a sigh of relief. "Yeah, people who know what happened between us are already probably gonna talk about how that''s why you got into the Academy. Which is probably complete bullshit, because nobody fuckin'' asked me about it." Her face fell. "Oh, hey, I''m not against the idea. You did your job exactly as ordered down in Calverton. What happened after wouldn''t have happened otherwise. So if somebody had asked me, I''d have voted in favor. But because of you doing your job the way you were supposed to, not because of the mutual doing that went on after that. Got it?"


    She frowned, nodded, and said, "Yes, but..."


    "Look, if in a couple years you finish all your classes and get tapped to be a Hero in Calverton, or elsewhere? If you''re still interested, come see me. Or the Imperator. Or, y''know, Maenad Maid Marie or Healer Darling. They all know how to get in touch with me. I will absolutely celebrate your promotion with you. But between now and then, I don''t want anybody saying that you passed a class, or got promoted, or got any other favors from me because I think you''re cute or because of your bedroom skills or some other bullshit like that." I put one hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. "If you fuck up, I don''t want somebody saying it was because you didn''t put out for me, or that you didn''t get the same kind of consequences because of any of that shit I talked about." I thought about it for a second, then said, "fly or fall, until you walk out of here a Hero or walk away to try something else, your life ought to be about you, not about, y''know, you being some kind of appendage to me. Do you get that?"


    When I''d started talking about people crediting her success to me, she''d frowned a little, but when I finished, she nodded. I waited as she chewed it over, then nodded again. Then she smiled shyly and asked, "so... you think I''m cute?"


    I laughed and said, "don''t let it go to your head. Go on, get some dinner. Cadet training''s hard enough even if you''re not starving yourself."


    She scrunched up her nose in a, yeah, cute little grin and said, "I''ll hold you to that when I become a Hero, you know."


    I spun her around, still laughing, and shoved her toward the door. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. you get that nod I won''t have to hold back."


    She turned back to me as she stumbled away, disbelief on her face, but then blanched and ran as a weight settled on my shoulders and Saffron''s whisper filled the Yard. "She''s right, she won''t, and yes, she was."This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it


    "Time for dinner?"


    "Marie? Siobhan? Come here and tell me what you two think."


    At that point Siobhan wriggled under my arm and Marie''s fuzzy weight settled around Saffron. "Maybe."


    "Mistress, after filling my nose with the scent of our Goddess, I''m not sure I could eat anything else."


    I laughed. "Well, you''re gonna have to. I''m still not convinced you''re completely recovered."


    She pouted adorably, which is when Saffron reached down and booped her nose. "Mmm... I recall someone saying they were going to feed me, in any case?" When Siobhan looked confused, she explained, "didn''t you want me in your lap?"


    As Siobhan gabbled in frustrated embarrassment, I scooped her up. "Oh, you do not want to miss out on having that ass in your lap, Ice Pop." I stepped us to our dining room, set Siobhan on Saffron''s chair, then let Marie plonk that ass down in Siobhan''s lap. Mostly because that way I got to my chair first, then patted my lap. "You gotta get used to it, Mittens." When she raised an eyebrow and folded her arms, I looked her in the eye and said, "you think you''re gonna be in any condition to feed yourself after our wedding night? Or do anything else complicated or difficult, like walking? Or, really, do anything except," I reached out and brushed my fingertips across her belly, pressing her skirt tight against it to do so. "carrying those kids of ours?" She blushed and pushed against my hand. "Baking those very special buns in your personal oven? Training up our own dev team of catgirls?"


    At that point my lap wound up full of purring, blushing Maenad. Marie made of squee for the dinner time win.


    Bath got cut short, unfortunately. Like, I didn''t get one. Something, something, something, my partners ambushed me and spirited me off to the Bedroom, where Siobhan continued her task of feeding Saffron with my Kitten in her lap. Marie has, apparently, decided to mentor our little Ice Pop in all things Concubine related, and Siobhan''s taken to that with all the passion of a fanatic convert. Yeah, I know, first world problems.


    Dreamt of the three of them dipping each other in my Maw to the elbow, then licking each other clean. Probably something about sleeping in the Bed for half the night.


    In the morning, along with playing seat cushion for coding Saffron and a far less naughty seat cushion for reading Maze, who''d decided to continue reading to the women and children now that we were all more or less settled in the Homestead. Only in the dining room, where everybody had someplace to sit. Right around lunch, somebody knocked on our Academy door.


    "I got it, Kitten." She nodded, focused, as I Co-Located to the door. Opened it to find duBois standing on the far side.


    "Diaz. Good. You got a moment?"


    I shrugged. "Sure. Bit Co-Located right now, but not doing a whole lot that requires me to pay attention. What did you need?"


    He huffed out a frown. "Cadet Citron."


    "Fuck."


    He chuckled. "You didn''t?"


    I shot him an absolute booger look. "The fuck, Marshall? You think I''d fuck a student?" He shot a very pointed look through the adjoining door toward where Saffron sat on my lap. "Yeah, well, we were both students. Neither one the teacher or the student. But he''s a student in my class." I couldn''t help it, I felt a bit of a pouty annoyed look seep onto my face. "I waited six fuckin'' months for the Siobhan fuckin'' just because she was teaching a class I was taking. I take that shit seriously."


    He smirked at me. "You know Basic Two now includes Cure Disease, and she''s the one who teaches it?"


    I stood there for a second, mouth slowly dropping open, before I shook myself. "One, I already know that Shape. I think I proved that during the Plague. Two, ''oh, noes, I''ll have to abstain from Sister Kissing for a couple days''. Seriously, I had to give Vickerson a whole talk about why I wasn''t gonna be doing the horizontal mambo with her while she was in my class."


    He nodded, forcing himself to seriousness. "I believe you. He''s claiming some kind of favoritism toward Cadet Vickerson. The two of you have history?"


    I shrugged. "Yeah. She was in charge of a squad of Soldiers during the Calverton campaign. She called for backup. I was trying to encourage our troops to do that kind of thing when they needed to. The encouragement got a little, uh, intense."


    "How intense?"


    "Oh fuck, oh god, oh fuck, yes, yes, yes intense? Like, uh, three? No, four times?"


    At that point Saffron called in from the other room, "six!"


    "I wasn''t counting me!"


    "I wasn''t either!"


    The Marshall snorted and shook his head. "Okay, so you two have a history. Is it going to be a problem?"


    I thought about that for a second. "Not that I''m aware of, sir. I explained it was a one off thing, and that I''m not gonna sleep with her while she''s a Cadet."


    He frowned. "If we lose a good Cadet because of that I''m not gonna be happy."


    "Me neither, sir."


    "Yes you will!" called Saffron.


    "No I won''t! I''ll frown and everything the whole time!"


    He shook his head again. "Wish you could maybe use that connection to encourage her a... why is your wife laughing now?"


    My face heated. "I might have, uh, suggested that if and when she gets the nod to being an official Hero, I''d, uh, celebrate her promotion with her."


    He laughed. "Well, that''s different." After a pause, he said, "you realize that could still be seen as evidence of favoritism?"


    Before I could say anything, Saffron''s weight pressed against my back. "Any newly promoted Hero who wishes the Champion of the Alliance to celebrate them is welcome to tell her so, Marshall."


    "Hey! Don''t I get a say?"


    Her breath warm against my ear, she sang, "I really want you to, dear."


    The Marshall choked on his spit a little bit, then asked, "what about Cadet Citron?"


    I shuddered just a little. "Shit. Sure, if he gets promoted to Hero, I''ll take one for the team. Blech."


    "I meant, is there anything to his allegations of you being prejudiced against him because he''s from New Amsterdam?"


    I snorted. "Dude. I think I killed myself Curing New Amsterdam. Why the fuck would I do that if I had anything against them? You know me. I''ve got too much stupid to remember grudges. They squished Saffron, I killed the fuck out of them, she wound up less squished than advertised, I Cured the fuck out of them. I shared chili and cornbread with them just like with everybody else on my birthday. I... I dunno what else I can say?"


    He shrugged. "Look, Diaz, Citron''s kind of an annoying little shit. You tell me you''ve got no grudge, I''m gonna take your word for it before his. I just need to know if you''re gonna hold it against him."


    I shook my head, shrugged, then realized something. "Look, sir, the best evidence I can give you about me and grudges?" When he made a ''go on'' gesture, I said, "Larry."


    He pursed his lips, nodded, then said, "Fair enough. Let me know if you need me to say something to him, or if you need advice on handling him."


    "Thank you, sir." With that, he nodded, took a step, and was gone.


    "Close that door." Obedient to my wife, I did so, then flopped onto the bed when she pulled me backward.


    "What brought this on? Not complaining, just curious."


    She rolled us over and started planting kisses down my back. "Only you, Goof."


    "Only me what?"


    "Hero in waiting. Imperator''s Attack Dog. Queen of Norfolk. Champion of the Alliance. Patron Demigoddess of the Alliance. Elder Mor Primordial."


    Increasingly distracted by her mouth, I muttered, "ah, shit, I gotta get that throne under Olga''s ass some time soon. What about all that though?"


    She paused to say, "so humble. All that?" and I made disappointed Tabitha noises until she started again. All that, and still you call him ''sir''.

 Day Five Hundred And Forty

    Dear Diary,


    Been thinking about what Saffron said yesterday. There''s layers to that shit. Some of them I''m cool with, others I think maybe I need to work on myself a little. Maybe a lot. The weird thing about it isn''t even that I''m six kinds of fucked up like I normally might be.


    So, like, the first layer is the whole ''it costs nothing to be polite''. Which is horseshit, but like a lot of popular horseshit, contains a kernel of truth to it. Like, almost all the ''polite'' things are little gestures, simple extra words, maybe even facial expressions. ''Please'', ''thank you'', ''you''re welcome'', shaking somebody''s hand, smiling when you meet somebody. All of those are simple little things. In terms of social battery expenditure, they''re almost free. Almost. That''s the key word. Almost. Yeah, if somebody''s in a position like me where they''re functionally wealthy, with three different bedrooms across three different buildings, completely extraneous yet tasty and nutritious food available whenever I feel the need to indulge, and the ability to straight up create anything I want if I put my mind to it, those little things might as well be free.


    But now flip that script a little. Picture somebody who never knows if they''re gonna have an actual meal with real food, a struggle meal of ramen and water, a real struggle meal of saltines and free ketchup packets, or just enough water to keep their stomach from hurting so bad they can''t sleep. Somebody whose landlord can''t be bothered to fix the roof or plumbing or black mold infestation in the walls, who had the cash to afford a lawyer to put all the fancy fine print in that says they don''t have to do any of that, which might be technically illegal but let''s face it, the cops won''t be kicking in any landlord doors any time soon. But that same landlord will be right there with the lockout lock if rent is a day late, even if that''s illegal too, but again nobody gonna be enforcing those laws deep in the hood. Somebody working three jobs, and not in the ''three job titles for eight hours of actual work a week'' three jobs, but ''ninety minimum wage hours a week total, because no minimum wage job will risk having to give benefits''. Somebody way out there on the raggedy edge, who spends every bit of their social battery not beating every entitled bitch of a customer to death when they accuse them of being lazy because the store doesn''t stock the particular brand of quinoa they want.


    Yeah, that person might not have the social battery to say ''thank you'' or ''please'' or ''you''re welcome'' when they''re not at work. Or to say ''I love you'' to their kid on the rare occasions when their paths cross. I''m not even getting into all the assorted bullshit of minorities who are expected to play nice and smile and suck it up when some jackass starts spouting slurs. Just pointing out that being polite does cost something, but, and here''s the important part, I am in a position to pay that price. To pay it without thinking about it to everyone I come across, whether that''s being polite to an asshole like Cadet Citron, saying ''please'' and ''thank you'' to my Murder Mittens when she''s bringing me dinner, or clothes, or paradigm altering orgasms, or telling my kids ''I love you'' at every possible opportunity.


    Another part of it is something one of my teachers back at Eastside told me once. Apparently one of the things you gotta do to be a teacher there is ''continuing education''. Like, at least a college course every year. That means some of the teachers who''d been there a while had some pretty wacky lists of degrees. Some of them even focused and got their doctorates. The guy in question hadn''t, but he always called them ''Doctor''. Seemed really weird, so I asked him why. He said that he wasn''t impressed by the brains it took to get a doctorate, because some of the subjects aren''t all that hard, or at least he didn''t think so, but the sheer determination to keep focused on a goal that big was pretty fuckin'' impressive. So he called them ''Doctor'' as a sign of respect for that determination, for that accomplishment.


    I guess me calling duBois ''sir'' is a little like that. Even if Phileo City is the pinnacle of technological and social development here and now, when I got here it was still kind of shit. I mean, bleeding edge technology included ''flush toilets''. Stack on top of that the Academy training, which is just kinda beastly. Yeah, I managed to test out of some of it, but I survived enough of it that I''m never gonna disrespect the accomplishment of finishing it. Like, I may think Lachlan only has two brain cells when he''s got custody of the one he and Carruthers share, but that doesn''t mean he''s not an absolute badass. I''ve seen him cleave someone crown to crotch one handed, which is not exactly easy to do. So yeah, unless I''m close enough with them to use their first name, or some kind of friendly nickname, I''m gonna give anybody who''s gotten props from the Academy, or going forward I guess the Alliance Academies, the respect of their title, whether that''s ''Hero'', ''Senior Cadet'', ''Cadet'', or even ''Freshman Cadet'', because not everybody makes the cut, and stepping up to say ''I wanna live at the sharp end'' is at least worthy of a little bit of respect.


    So yeah, I''ve got the position and power to have politeness be a negligible cost to me, and I want to give respect where it''s due. I''m cool with both of those things. But, and I really hoped I''d gotten past this, but here we are, there''s one more big aspect to it.


    I''m me. The kid who nobody wanted. The kid who started shit in school just to have someone pay attention to me. The bitch who was perpetually excess to needs. Intellectually, I get that people look up to me. I mean, even physically I get it, because big chunks of them literally Worship me. When you get the warm fuzzy tingles so hard that your hair starts to glow, it''s a pretty good sign that people hold you in high esteem, I guess. So intellectually and even physically I get it, but emotionally is another story. I had over a dozen formative years of being raised by the television and teachers because my mom was too buys. I had at least half a dozen of my sister blaming me for everything from my mom dying to her own shitty love life. I grew up in a town where every single kid there knew, somewhere deep inside, that if we died not too many would mourn our passing, and even the ones who did wouldn''t do so for long, because that shit will kill you in an environment like that.


    I''ve... gotten better, I think. I''m not healthy yet. I''m not sure how long it will take before I can even say everything''s healed over. Because that''s one of the things that happens with old, ingrained scars like this; they only start healing when something pulls them open, forces us to look at them. In this case, I can''t even complain too much about what''s done that. Because it''s my family. Not my mom and my sister, but my family here. My wife. My Concubines. My kids. Them just... loving me has picked at those scars, and me wanting to reciprocate in a healthy way has done for the rest, so now I''ve got all these psychological weeping wounds. The really fucked up part is that I think I''m healthier now than I was before. Like I''d been stumbling around like some kinda hunchback with crooked bones, and I had to break them again in order to get them set straight or some shit.Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site.


    So... yeah. I instinctively assume that anybody with anything like gravitas is somebody I ought to be saying ''sir'' to. Because obviously gutter trash like me is supposed to do that.


    I mean, there''s also the entire ''you say sir to cops and officials because you''re disposable and if you don''t they''ll dispose of you'', but I think I''m actually mostly over that one. Something, something, something, I''ve got the fuckin'' Big Red Button, my only concern in a pissing contest is whether I''ll accidentally drown somebody I give a shit about.


    Speaking of people I give a shit about, I almost forgot that I''d planned a big outing for the kids today. Fortunately Saffron is my own personal Thinking Brain Human, and after rewarding me for displaying humility above and beyond the call of duty, she reminded me that we had to be home early to make things happen.


    Arrived home to find Tallulah already there, and all the kids gathered around her. She looked more than a little swamped, really, even with a pair of Marie standing there at the outside of the crowd. I walked over, wading through the persons of diminutive age until I could give her a hug. "You okay?"


    "This is... I am anxious regarding the visit."


    "Anybody giving you any shit?"


    She snorted. "Not directly, although those who have always preferred to play little political games are having a field day now."


    I nodded. "You want me to come along?"


    She frowned. "I''m... uncertain."


    I smiled. How about I be subtle about it? Just to keep an eye on the kids?


    That would reduce my stress, Goddess.


    So I wound up pushing my Blend to it''s upper limit and following Tallulah, the kids, and Marie down to Rich Man''s Port.


    Dinner was a little sparse, like I remembered seeing through Karen''s eyes, but not quiet or restrained in the slightest. Tallulah looked... disturbed, but not upset, if that makes any sense.


    The Overlord''s Keep didn''t have indoor plumbing, so it was back to a simple bathing tub and lots of kettles of hot water for bath time, but Isnomi absolutely had a blast with that, and the other kids followed her lead. They all piled into Ria''s bed, which was a simple full sized thing that barely had enough room for seven kids all piled on top of one another. Marie curled three of herself up around the sides, and I stayed up just kind of patrolling the room. Got a good look at it while I did, and wound up more than a little sad.


    She had a single armoire with half a dozen outfits, all but one identical cut down versions of her mom and sister''s formal court outfits. That one looked like fencing padding, and while the buckles were worn, nothing else was. Almost like somebody had put it on and taken it off a lot, but never actually used it.


    One wall had four paintings; Tallulah, Cailyn, Lindsey, and a fourth who I assumed was Adrienne. Adrienne''s wasn''t half bad, but I could clearly see how she''d been the first, then Cailyn, then Lindsey. By the time she painted Tallulah, it wasn''t quite photorealistic, but it had to be as good as any portraits I remember from the Art Museum.


    The other wall had a set of shelves with a dozen carefully placed knickknacks, the kind of things you''d pick up visiting somewhere. A spearhead. A chunk of dull gray metal. A single piece of what looked like rock candy. A conch shell.


    Marie? She opened one eye. Let Ria know that we can help her bring any and all of this stuff up to the Homestead if she wants it in her room, okay? She nodded.


    In the morning, and I used that term loosely, everybody breakfasted with Tallulah, and again things were on the sparse side. Like, half an apple, one slice of what looked like French toast, and one strip of bacon. Like, really well done bacon, but still one slice.


    Mittens? Did you make the breakfast?


    Yes. Holy shit I''d never heard her that sour before.


    Tallulah decided on the menu?


    Kitchens.


    Tell you what, we''ll take the kids home after lunch.


    Before. I chose not to argue with her.


    But before that, the kids, four of Marie, and four of Tallulah''s Bodyguards trooped out to the stables. With Ria in the lead, they didn''t have to go through any of the weird back corridors Karen got dragged through, nor did we see any of the lesser Fae. Just straight out the main doors, turn to the right and head to the stables, where seven Fae Steeds stood. They perked up, in the sense of big cats seeing the keeper coming with lunch, when Ria stepped into view. Then they all froze, eyes going white around the edges, when Isnomi followed her into the stables.


    Gotta say, they were the most well behaved quadrupeds I''d ever seen. Okay, they didn''t so much ''behave well'' as ''resemble inanimate objects'', but they did so even when the kids got a wild hair up their ass and had Marie lift each of them up onto a Steed''s back. Then, miracle of miracles, they all walked calmly out of the stables, a sedate procession of tiny riders on scary Steeds. They walked all the way down to the docks, Marie and a Bodyguard in front, a similar pair in back, and another on each side. I think the single most hilarious part of the whole procession was the response of the Rich Man''s Port natives. The obvious Fae, Sidhe included, all did the ''doff cap, take a knee'' thing as they passed. The humans looked like they might treat the kids like they would any other rich kids in the area, robbing them blind of everything including their freedom, if they could get away with it. Then the smarter ones picked up what the local Fae were putting down, and convinced their fellows to back the fuck down.


    When they all got to the docks, they rode to where the Questing Tentacle was still berthed, and Admiral Pesce actually came out and greeted them. I''m pretty sure it''s because he''s a nice guy who''s good with kids, but I would be just fine with him being not stupid and aware of whose kids these were. Which, just in case anybody had any doubts at that point, when they got to the end of the dock where they could see her, Isnomi pointed at the Black Dragon and crowed out, "thath Mama''th thip!"


    Fortunately Fae Steeds do not swim.


    By the time they got the Steeds back to the Stables, it was time for lunch. We bid Tallulah farewell, then hopped all the kids back to the Homestead, where Marie gave them a ''proper'' lunch, which is to say she kept the food coming until the kids decided to imitate hibernating bear cubs.


    I dropped my Blend, put on the black and white dress and apron, and helped her. Well, I served anyhow. My cooking skills still aren''t anything I''d subject someone to when Marie is an option.


    Of course, right as they all got stuffed and sleepy, Ria had to drop a bomb on me, with Menace waiting in the wings to firebomb the first responders. "Mama, may we bring the Steeds here? I think they would enjoy being ridden through the forest far more than living in the stables most of the time."


    Before I could say yes, no, or what the fuck, Ria, Isnomi swallowed and chimed in, "we can bring them back after we have a sleepover on your ship, Mama!"

 Day Five Hundred And Forty-One

    Dear Diary,


    Yeah, yesterday went remarkably well for a sleepover with seven kids. Then again, we had three adults overseeing it, including two of us right there in the room. One of whom was capable of true multitasking, which could make things a lot easier.


    Of course then the kids had decided to up the ante on the whole sleepover thing by not only wanting another one, not only wanting another one on an active Alliance warship, but wanting to use that as a way to take their newly acquired Steeds home. Who I just remembered are literally called Nightmares. Like, okay, Fates, I get that you''ve thrown over your crack rock habit for the much healthier option of THC, but someone needs to explain the difference between high grade cannabis and wet. That shit will give you brain damage, ladies.


    Yeah, since dealing with The Morrigan and Balor, who I''m still worried is gonna wind up giving me some kind of literal death glare which I''ll find out about by accident when I''m playing with my kids or something, life has been remarkably copacetic. Yeah, minor little ups and downs, but ''discovering my imposter syndrome is not, in fact, gone'' is way less of a ''holy shit, fuck fuck fuck'' situation than ''I have forgotten everything that happened to me since Day One''. Which, given where I''m from, not to mention how I''ve yet to spend a Season here without some shit going down, leaves me sort of perpetually waiting for the other shoe to drop.


    Fortunately, I am not nearly as dumb as I look. I''m also not nearly as isolated or antisocial as I used to be. Possibly because I''ve found a trio of kind, competent, intelligent women who for some inexplicable reason enjoy making my naughty bits feel nice. So after Marie and the kids returned the Nightmares to their stable, then at Ria and Isnomi''s insistence trooped everyone through the Overlord''s throne room for hugs and kisses good bye from Tallulah, I set about helping Marie with feeding our horde hoard.


    Of course, before I even had a chance to drop my Blend at home, Tallulah tagged me. Goddess, how would you have me respond to such things in the future?


    You seemed to do pretty well right there. Hugs, kisses, farewells, then back to work.


    While I no longer fear appearing weak, will it not encourage some to take advantage?


    I thought about that for half a second. Then spent another ten count carefully letting go of the rage at the thought that someone might target my kids to get to me. Or Tallulah. Or anybody else. Or even to get to them specifically. Yeah, there are gonna be idiots who want to try shit like that. But right now most of what you''ve got going on is politics, right? Favors and slights and all that shit?


    Yes, although some might see targeting our child as an acceptable ''slight''.


    I shrugged, knowing she''d get the emotion even if she didn''t see the gesture. Carrots and sticks. I mean, you''re probably way better at this than me, but the long and short version is that you let people know that our kids are off limits. If some jackass tries to push that boundary, cut them off short. I felt her hesitation. If you can''t for some kind of political reason, arrange for me to find out, and I''ll cut them off at the knees. Literally if I have to.


    As you wish, my Goddess.


    But on the flip side, if somebody there drops a dime on someone who''s planning some shit with the kids, much though I hate to say this, be nice to them. Give them the carrot rather than the stick. Reward them.


    She chewed that over for a second. That would be my inclination, but what is your hesitation?


    Snitches ought to get stitches. But for my kids? Our kids? Fuck that noise.


    As you wish, my Goddess.


    I thought about that while eating dinner. Then while soaking. I realized right then that maybe some of the folks who followed that line of thought weren''t quite thinking right. Like, yeah, you don''t turn on your own, or turn your own in. That''s just common sense, not to mention the kind of code I could get behind. At the same time, if somebody''s gone so far out into left field that they''ve climbed over the fence, left the stadium, and are vandalizing the cars in the parking lot, maybe it''s time to cut them off, to no longer consider them ''one of your own''. I''m pretty sure a universal ''kids are off limits'' overrides everything else in that case, whatever kind of kid abuse we''re talking about.


    When I finished soaking in the Bath, the ladies pulled me off to the Bed room and gently yet firmly removed anything resembling consciousness from your girl Tabitha. Dreamt of them gently setting themselves and each other afloat across my Maw, singing quiet hymns as they did. Still do not understand how a being made of tentacles and a maw with no discernable sexual... y''know, I''m gonna stop myself right there, because holy shit Mimic is a mass of tentacles with a mouth. Like, I get it now. Also, very me, I guess.Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    In the morning after distributing hugs and kisses to all the kids, I headed to the Academy with my ladies, fully intending to talk with them about both outing opportunities and possible pets. First I followed one of Marie around the place in a Maid uniform, pretty much just acting as an extra set of hands for her. Some of the Maids gave me a little side eye, but more of them seemed kinda approving. Not sure which of those were OG Maids and which were new hires from Europa, but honestly, if Marie likes it, that''s good enough for me.


    Early in the day, I asked her, "So, what do you think?"


    "About?"


    "More sleepovers and the Nightmares?"


    We made a few beds while she pondered. Okay, I mostly handed her clean sheets and held the dirty ones, but still. "Good."


    "Which?"


    "Both."


    I thought about that for a bit, but I guessed if I hadn''t actually intuited some positive outcome I wouldn''t be asking. Still, I wanted a little more. "Why?"


    Her immediate response was, "Travel." Followed, in the next room, with, "Responsibility."


    "Thanks, Mittens."


    I sat with Siobhan and Grandma Aetos in the Infirmary most of the day, helping them with Healing. Okay, mostly doing the Healing, since most of the day to day issues coming in weren''t hard to figure out or Heal. Cuts, bruises, broken bones, all of those responded well to overwhelming amounts of Mana dropped into a Heal Injury.


    "You guys mind giving me some advice?" They looked at each other, set their pens down, and looked at me. "Uh, okay. Um, two things. First, the kids want another sleepover, but this one on the Black Dragon. What do you guys think?"


    Grandma just nodded and said, "get ''em out of the house. Do ''em some good."


    Siobhan nodded as Grandma said that. When I looked at her, she laughed a little and said, "I would hardly argue with Mother Aetos. She''s far more experienced with children, after all."


    I laughed a little at that too once I realized, then turned fully to Grandma. "Okay, second thing. Apparently Menace has tamed some Nightmares. Now she wants to keep them as pets." The two of them just stared at me. "No, seriously, she and the kids rode them down to the docks and back the other day. They all behaved themselves. Like, kids and Nightmares both."


    Grandma sucked at her teeth and tilted her head. "Welp. Nobody with sense will try anything with a child riding a nightmare." Then she nodded. "Get ''em out of the house, too."


    I laughed a little more. "You''re really into getting the kids out of the house, aren''t you?"


    She glanced around, then lowered her voice. "How else do you make more of ''em?"


    Never seen Grandma make Sister Siobhan blush. Still cute.


    I played seat cushion for Saffron all day. After our bento box lunch, I said, "the kids want something. Somethings."


    She paused in putting her coding windows back up. "I take it from your phrasing that they want something of which I might not approve?"


    I shrugged, continuing to massage her shoulders, legs, and back. "Not sure. Wanted to talk to you about it before I even talked to them." I paused, and she nodded with a ''go on'' gesture. "First, they want another sleepover, this time on the Black Dragon."


    She frowned, but nodded. "I suppose there''s no harm in it, so long as they sleep in your cabin aboard. She is a working warship now, though."


    "Still want to know how you got her flying."


    Saffron smiled at me. "Perhaps a tour is in order. Also, I''d like to get her out of the James. Perhaps bring her back to Phileo, or maybe Norfolk or New Amsterdam, since their ports are a little deeper."


    I sighed. "I''d really like to dock her in Camden Yards at least once." When Saffron just looked at me inquisitively, I said, "nostalgia. BB sixty two, the New Jersey, the battleship she''s based on? Is docked in Camden. I''d like to see her in the same spot here and now at least once."


    "So be it. We take the children to the ship and give them all a grand tour as we fly her back to Camden Yards."


    "Sweet!"


    Then my Kitten proved she''s smarter than two of me put together. "That was first. What''s next?"


    I frowned. "They want the Nightmares."


    It took her a second. Then her eyes got a little white around the edges. "The children. Our children. Want to lay claim to Fae Steeds?"


    "You''re considering allowing our daughter, who is a bite sized for a Nightmare, to claim seven of them why?"


    I snorted out a laugh. "Sweetheart, I think they''re all terrified of her."


    "Our... no, you don''t mean our children. You," her train of thought slid to a stop sideways, and I watched as she carefully picked it up, put it back on the rails, and shoved it back into motion. "The Nightmares are terrified of our daughter."


    "Mor Primordial of Predators."


    She closed her eyes and nodded. "I strongly suspect she uses her Blend regularly to make me forget that. Or perhaps it''s simply my own denial manifesting. You''re certain they can be trusted?"


    "How smart are they?"


    She laughed, a brittle thing. "Apparently smarter than most Gods, since they chose not to contest with the will of a Primordial."


    "Okay then. I''ll have a chat with them. If I can come to an understanding with them, can you arrange for some stables up at the Homestead?"


    She nodded, then laughed again. When I looked a question at her, she said, "I''d worried a bit about the children being able to play outside, or beyond the courtyard, with Dire Bears and other potentially Draconic wildlife in the area. But I suppose any Dire Bear stupid enough to tangle with Maenads and Nightmares deserves exactly what happens to it."


    So for the rest of the afternoon the one of me who''d been running laps and doing calisthenics in the Practice Yard took stock of the equipment sheds. Gotta make sure we had the right stuff to facilitate a discussion with my daughters'' would be pets. Realized after looking for a couple hours that there weren''t any of the things I wanted, and that we really ought to have dedicated equipment at the Homestead anyhow. So I went to visit Conrad in his workshop and explained briefly what I wanted. I don''t know if he misunderstood me or was trolling, but he sure as shit damn near made me swallow my own tongue with his one question.


    "When will your ladies be in for their fittings then?"

 Day Five Hundred And Forty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    I swear, I love that boy like I''m obligated to or something, but he does his dead level best to be a thorn in my side while remaining, at least from his perspective, a dutiful and doting son. What''s really both annoying and hilarious about it is that if I wasn''t just a big old mess of hang ups regarding my own intimate proclivities, I''d be more or less completely immune to his shenanigans. If I were actually able to take some kind of pride in my own flavor of freakiness, I''d be cheering him on every time he handed me some new toy or treat. Of course, the worst part is that I''m not sure if he''d stop at that point or keep going.


    Oh, noes, if I mature to the point where I''m no longer embarrassed by sexuality, my adopted sociopathic son might stop making me sex toys and sex toy adjacent items. Fuckin'' first world problems.


    So after trying not to choke on my spit, I explained, "Not for my love life, you rascal. For your sister''s Nightmares."


    He raised an eyebrow. "I assume that means you don''t want that type of harness for Mom or her assorted assistants?"


    Before I could think my treacherous mouth spouted, "I didn''t say that." As he smiled, almost forming something like a normal human chuckle, I spluttered a little then said, "but the priority is tack for the Nightmares Isnomi has tamed."


    His smile vanished. "Oh, no, Mother Dearest. Please do not make that mistake. No Nightmare is ever truly tamed. But I suspect they have accepted her as their superior. They are quite intelligent. So long as their position in the hierarchy is clear, they will remain obedient, but they will not hesitate to take advantage of any weakness." He shrugged. "Although I suppose they''re also smart enough to avoid attacking those who feed and care for them, especially if they know their superior desires them to remain... polite."


    I snorted. "They sound like cats." When he raised an eyebrow again I said, "dogs have masters, cats have servants."


    He nodded, smiling. "That''s it exactly. Just make it clear who is staff, and who might be snacks, and they ought behave."


    "But you can make tack for them?"


    "For my dearest sister, of course, Mother Dear. It might take a few days, and my supply of leather is low?"


    I nodded. "I''ll come around tonight after the kids are in bed."


    I''d have done it right then, but I''d been trying to remember how being in pain made me short tempered. Even when I didn''t take it out on the kids, they could still tell. When I''d gotten them all used to being loved and cherished to the very best of my ability, ''not abusing them'' fell kinda short of the mark I''d set for myself. So once I said my farewell to Conrad, I headed home for dinner and Bath time. Dinner was a stew I hadn''t had before, a little gamey, a little salty, the kind of thing I''d have loved back in the day, but Marie had spoiled me.


    "What is this? I don''t recognize the meat."


    Saffron nodded as Siobhan fed her another bite. She''d enjoyed being pampered by our little blonde Healer, and none of us could bear to tell either of them no. After she swallowed, she took the spoon and fed Siobhan a bite. "Unless I miss my guess, this is bear. Mostly from that big Dire Bear you slew." Marie nodded as she fed me another bite, at which point I stole the spoon away to feed her in turn.Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more.


    "It''s different. Then again, everybody seems to like it."


    "Vengeance is a powerfully tasty spice, love."


    Now that I knew what it was, I also realized why it tasted kinda salty, or at least maybe a little over-spiced. We''d set up some cool areas in the basement, and some of the safe areas of the mines were cool enough stuff would keep for a while, but we really didn''t have refrigerators, let alone freezers. Except maybe... "Hey, Kitten?"


    "Yes, love?"


    "Are the fridges on the Black Dragon working?"


    She frowned a second, mouthing ''fridges'' before nodding. "You mean the refrigerators? Yes, they''re working more or less as designed. Your father provided the refrigerant we needed, as part of your Yule gift."


    "Oh, shit, there''s two days of Yule left, isn''t there?"


    She laughed, then nodded at the fireplace, where the one big log still hadn''t quite burned away to ash. "Thanks to my wife acquiring a Yule log for the ages, yes, love, there are two days of Yule left."


    "Cool! I gotta find something good for Mom and Dad."


    She tilted her head. "What could you possibly get them this year?"


    Marie ended the conversation in her unmistakable way. "Grandchildren."


    I looked up into her mischievous eyes and said, "I think even your magnificent baking skills might take a little longer than two days, Mittens."


    "All the more reason to get started then, don''t you think, love?"


    I almost choked on the next spoonful of bear stew before I managed to blurt out, "like, right now?"


    That got everyone in the room laughing, even if the kids at the far end of the table seemed to be laughing more because the adults were laughing than really hearing or understanding what we were laughing about. When she settled down just a touch, Saffron said, "so enthusiastic. It''s almost like you want to alter your plans of getting our fianc¨¦ with child on our wedding night in favor of her waddling to the altar already with child." I sat there working my mouth, not sounds coming out, while everyone made amused noises. Finally Saffron took pity on me. "Or did you mean we should choose our wedding day tonight?"


    "Uh..." Yeah, soul of eloquence, thy name is Tabitha Diaz. "Shit, yes? Yes, I''d like that."


    "So what day shall we wed our lovely Marie?"


    This time, at least, I had a clue. Sort of. "Marie? You''re gonna be the bride here. The one in the dress, anyhow. When do you want to get married?"


    So cute, watching her blush. Eventually, when it died down a little, she whispered out, "spring"


    "A Spring wedding it is, then. Tabitha, could you make sure the venue will be ready? I''ll work with Mrs. Driver to arrange the catering." The room went quiet, and Saffron looked around, uncharacteristically surprised. "Truly, ladies? It wouldn''t be right for Marie to cater her own wedding feast, and I didn''t want to assume..."


    Anna stood, not defiant, but definitely speaking for the women of our Homestead when she said, "Marie came for many of us, when our Maenads left to save the children of Calverton. Came for us and saved us. Since that day she''s sheltered us, even fed us. How could we not want to be part of her wedding? And," she paused, smiling at the Maenads in the room. "I think her sisters would be quite put out if they weren''t part of the first wedding of one of them in quite some time."


    "Ever," whispered a few of them.


    Saffron nodded, her eyes shining. "Well then. I suppose the wedding feast is in good hands." She tapped at her teeth, humming. "Now, who to officiate?"


    I admit, I missed my cue. Then again, I think she played it perfectly when I said, "I dunno, maybe Karen?"


    "Karen would be an excellent choice, love. She is, after all, the Highest Priestess of Tabitha Diaz." At that point I realized Siobhan''s hand had been dropping as slowly as her expression. "On the other hand, I think there''s a far more appropriate choice far closer to hand."


    Siobhan perked up at that, but I couldn''t help but tease her a tiny bit. "I dunno, that sounds like an awful lot of work for our little Ice Pop. Officiating all day, then Concubining all night for all three of us?"


    That got her. She dropped the spoon, and as it clattered said, "no, no, it''s quite all right! I can handle it! You! All of you! All of it! I..." At that point Saffron silenced her with a kiss.


    When they came up for air amid the laughter of the women in the room, Saffron said, "we would be honored to have Sister Siobhan Darling perform our wedding ceremony, wouldn''t we, Marie?"


    Marie ended that conversation too, with a simple, "Absolutely."

 Day Five Hundred And Forty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    So yesterday was pretty chill, discussions about weddings notwithstanding. Like, we didn''t really spend much time discussing them after dinner. I had shit I had to get done, but I didn''t wanna, so I procrastinated half the day until I didn''t have time, so I wound up goofing around all day, just helping my ladies out with their actual real jobs.


    I think it''s because of the whole ''wedding'' thing. I remember when Saffron asked me, and how I''d told her that I had an allergy to formality, and if we put it off I''d probably keep putting it off. So instead of getting engaged and planning a real wedding, we basically eloped without the whole running away to another state part. If you can''t make it to Vegas for your wedding ceremony, bring the important part of Vegas to your wedding. In this case, the absolute bare minimum of formal ceremony.


    But... I''d performed multiple wedding ceremonies since then. I''m not sure how Andre and his bride are doing, but Bonnie and Larry seem to be doing just fine, so if I me fucking up the wedding ceremony fucked up the marriage, I''d know it by now. Also, I''m not just some kind of bad luck for weddings in general, since my own marriage seems to be going okay. Weird as fuck compared to the one standard issue male husband and two kids I expected to wind up with at some point, but honestly I think I like this more. Seriously, the worst thing I could say is that my partners seem to have an inexplicable desire to let every person in the Alliance down bad for a slice of Tabitha''s pie indulge themselves. Which, as noted, weird, but not bad weird. Just not what I expected weird.


    But now I''ve got to plan out at least part of my wedding. Our wedding, and if again I''m a little weirded out by that being a set of three rather than two, I''m again in the position of saying it''s not bad weird, just unexpected weird. Shit, that goes for a lot of my life in the here and now. Marriage. Partners. Love life. Kids. Oh, shit, the kids. Isnomi wanted to be Flower Girl again, but I''d have to see what the other kids wanted. Like, Ria, Maze, Alex and Lindsey were all just barely tall enough to be bridesmaids, and only because Saffron lowered the bar for that. Daya and David, on the other hand, were too little even for that. Like, maybe David could be the ring bearer? Wait, no, we''d have two sets of rings, so we needed two ring bearers, right? So David and Daya could be ring bearers. Okay, kids officially placed. Assuming they actually wanted to. Shit.


    I think at this point that if I can''t convince six kids to play dress up and play parts in our wedding, I ought to officially resign my title as a Trickster Goddess.


    So last night during dinner I pulled my ladies into the Bedroom, then had to hold them off from pouncing on me right there. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, I needed to ask you all for a favor tonight?"


    "So why exactly are you denying us your favors then, love?" Saffron looked at the other two, and I saw plans forming in their eyes.


    My libido wanted to smash my tongue with a hammer, but I forced out, "wait, please. I''m gonna go do something tonight, and I think I might need some extra oomph, but I won''t be asleep. I''m not sure how to handle that, but... Worship?"


    Marie looked at Saffron, who shared a quick glance with Siobhan. The two little ones nodded to each other, then Siobhan turned to me. "Beloved Goddess, Worship can take many forms. Trust that before we sleep, and even as we lie sleeping, we will direct our wills and Mana to fortifying you, despite your physical absence. But for now?"


    I rolled my eyes. "Shut up and let you all Worship as you will?" I couldn''t help but chuckle at my own obstinance as they drifted toward me, shedding clothes as they closed.


    "Oh, no, Goddess," said Siobhan.


    "We hardly expect you, love, to be..."


    "Quiet." Marie ended anything resembling coherent speech with that one word. Plenty of incoherent speech after that, but then, my ladies seemed to enjoy that. I think they''ve set up some kind of contest to see which of them can make me say the weirdest shit.


    As we lay there in the Bath afterward, Saffron drifted over to nestle under my shoulder. "Weirdest wasn''t really a category before tonight, love. Although we''ve of course added that, to be sure."


    "Category?"


    "Oh, yes. ''Most bloodcurdling threat'', ''longest string of incomprehensible syllables'', ''longest string of phatic syllables'', ''most profanity without a single pause'', and of course ''loudest''. Although there''s an ongoing debate whether we ought include ''least comprehensible otherworldly reference''."


    I couldn''t tell if I blushed at that or not. Like, the frank discussion of my mouth going on autopilot when my body went ping in just the right way, which all of them had kept increasing their proficiency at doing. Like, I guess I''d done the same? I hoped I''d done the same? But holy shit they all absolutely had. At any rate, I couldn''t stifle my curiosity, despite the overall heat of the Bath keeping blushes from being noticeable. "What''s got the lead in that one?"Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.


    "The one about Black, Gold, Retrieving, Tennis, and Balls. What is ''Tennis'', and is the ''Sasha'' woman you referenced a former lover?"


    "Oh, I wish. Uh. Not, like, actual wish. Just. Yeah. Bit of a youthful crush. Anyway. I really do need to get going soon."


    So we put the kids to bed, my three ladies each kissed me farewell, and I stepped away to Hel. Helheim, I guess, although even here it had been sort of abbreviated. I strode through the cold, dark ashes of a bonfire, straight up to the front gates of the keep I''d landed in front of. The moment I got there, Hel pushed the door open. "Good Night to you, Tabitha Diaz."


    I stepped in and held my arms up for a hug. "Happy Yule, sister?" She just blinked at me, and I dropped my arms. "Look, I meant to stop by earlier, but tonight''s the last day of Yule proper, and I kinda wanted to give you and the ''rents my gift before it ended."


    She sucked her teeth a little bit. "Are you here to remodel my ceiling again?"


    "Does it need it?"


    She shrugged. "Now that it''s winter the sun is shining in again, but on the Solstice all we got were reflections and shadows."


    I slumped. "Ah, fuck. Sorry, sis. I thought it was wide enough. Um... I could work on fixing that while... Um... Look, when''s the last time you visited our parents?"


    "You mean my Father and Sigyn?"


    "Yeah, yeah, I get that she''s Stepmom to you, but she makes him happy. Does Angrboda come visit you a lot?"


    She sucked on her teeth. "Suffice to say you''ve visited twice more than her. Still, I cannot leave my realm."


    "Odin''s bullshit again?" She nodded, and I held out a hand. She slipped her hand into mine, reaching for comfort, I guessed, and I Mimicked her. "Fuck that guy. Like, in the ''he can go get fucked if he thinks he can tell my Sister she can''t visit her Dad on Yule. I''ll watch the place and work on the remodel while you''re out."


    She tilted her head as she stared at me, then looked me up and down. I gotta say, standing there in The Dress with half of me being animate bone was kinda weird. "I think you''d best change, then."


    I copied her whole robe and cloak thing she had going on, then pulled her in for a hug. "Have fun, sis."


    A moment later she rose into the air, leaving me as Hel for a night. I reached for it and felt Worship flowing into me. I also felt my Murder Mittens arrowing in from multiple directions, not to mention heading back outward equally quickly. Never thought about her actually doing the Psychopomp job before, but I guess it just made sense. Weirded me out a little that I had enough Worshippers now that at any given moment she had to have more than one of her carrying them to their final resting place.


    After woolgathering and Mitten watching for a bit, I cracked my neck, my shoulders, and my back, then looked up at the ceiling. Focusing a bit told me which direction the sun would move, and thinking just a little bit about a map told me which side of the gap was south. I reached out with my longest tentacles, because the rest just plain wouldn''t reach, no matter how I stretched them. I rose into the sky as I did, just to get a better look, and once I had enough tentacles in place, started slowly, carefully, gently eroding the south edge of that gap.


    By the time I felt Hel return, I''d widened it to maybe triple it''s original width, at least on the western end where I could apply more tentacular mass. After making sure my work wouldn''t result in cave ins, I withdrew my tentacles and descended to the courtyard, reveling in the thin morning light.


    "Hey, sis. Have fun with the ''rents?"


    She smiled, rolling her eyes. "Despite you being adopted, I still see you in him."


    "Oh, hey, no, that would be incest."


    "And yet again you prove my point."


    I laughed as I stopped Mimicking her and reached my arms out again. She might have rolled her eyes and shook her head just a little, but she stepped into the hug. Kinda reminded me of the time Saffron shapeshifted me to be littler than her. Hel''s tit had to be bigger than my head. Then again, she''s taller than Sigyn. Not surprising, what with Giants on both sides for parents. If anything, it''s surprising she''s so short. Then again, maybe she inherited his shapeshifting and went around closer to human sized to make everybody in Hel feel better, like the person watching over them was more Human than the Gods who had exiled her and them here.


    She got into the hug enough to let me know that she definitely had her parents Giant strength. Not sure if her mom was a Jotnar here and now or not, but I''m pretty sure she was still a giant.


    At any rate, headed home for breakfast at that point. No shot glass of flour for Tabitha, but Marie did very pointedly set a waffle in front of me and insist I eat the whole thing. By the end of it, I wasn''t sure if it was just general happiness at my awesome life or Fae Grain, but I wound up being in a great mood when I picked up Larry and Bonnie. Stepped them both to class, then hit Basic Heroics Two, only to find Hero Castro behind the desk. I nodded hello to her, then sat down in my desk and waited for everybody to get there.


    When they did, she stood and said, "good morning, Class. I''m Hero Castro, and I''ll be filling in for Marshall duBois, who has other duties today. As this is the second week of Basic Heroic Skills Two, I assume you''re all still working on Lullaby?" When we all nodded, she said, "excellent. I''ll demonstrate for you; sometimes seeing a different person Shape Mana can help you understand how the Mana''s supposed to be Shaped."


    Three things of note. First, I paired up with Sarah when nobody else seemed really confident enough to do so. Second, watching someone Shape Mana was still the coolest thing that I''d had happen in a while. Third was less good. Least good. Not good at all.


    Because despite my recent amnesia and my shitty memory in general, I still remembered the last time the Marshall wound up having someone else teach his class for him.

 Day Five Hundred And Forty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, every now and then I do something, and for I don''t know how long I sit there staring at myself. Like, almost as if I''d stepped outside of time to just look at myself and go ''what the fuck? who did that? Did I do that?'' in confused befuddlement. I mean, metaphorically. Given that she never fails to show up when I actually step outside of Time for any reason, I''m sure if I actually did that Domnu would show up and ask me why I was staring at myself.


    It''s so weird. Growing up. Like, not just the whole ''holy shit, I''m doing something I wouldn''t have done a year ago'', although that''s part of it. Another part would be the whole ''fuck, I''m now staring at myself in a kind of impressed awe at how I failed to fuck things up rather than horrified awe at how badly I managed to fuck them up''. I guess I did that last bit a lot back at Eastside. Sitting there alone in my room, in my mom''s empty house, wondering why I was alone in my room when I had a perfectly functioning vajayjay to lure in the wide variety of penis havers who might attempt to increase my dopamine count. Only to realize that I had, in fact, apparently annoyed every such penis haver in anything like my own age bracket in an entire city of seventy thousand odd souls.


    At which point I generally would shrug and head to the Battleship Museum to see how far I could push things with the staff there. Which, now that I realize I have in fact had sex with Saffron and Marie in multiple locations on a fully functional replica of the battleship in question, makes me simultaneously annoyed at and grateful for the restraint of those old dudes. Annoyed, because the me from back then definitely needed those dopamine hits to keep her world from slipping ever further into chronic depression. Grateful, because I was thirteen the first time I did that, and I''m not sure I really would have been in a good place if I''d run across a septuagenarian willing to get busy with a thirteen year old. Then again, I was in a shitty enough place in general that years later when I got shot in the head, it was more of a ''yeah, this tracks as my last next step'' rather than seeming like a tragedy.


    But here''s the thing. I can look at who I was back then and think ''oh, shit, that poor kid, I wish I could scoop her up and take care of her'' rather than ''dumb bitch should have flashed some nips rather than just cleavage and gone for the crotch rather than shoulder if she really wanted to get laid'' the way I did two years ago. I can look at the me a year ago and think ''holy shit, she was one big ball of trauma, I hope she finds some help with that''. Which I guess I kinda did. My wife. My adopted parents. My fianc¨¦, who used to be my Concubine, and my other Concubine. Which in and of itself is a hell of a phrase to think with my own brain. Y''know, the ''I have a Concubine'' thing. I''d probably feel a lot worse about it, what with me being a Deity focused on Agency, if she hadn''t more or less insisted on the Title as much as Murder Mittens had. Fuck, when Saffron mentioned Siobhan''s duties expanding by fifty percent when we wifed Marie, she looked like I think I would have looked if someone told me that I would be required to play Call of Duty fifty percent more than I already did if I wanted to graduate High School. Like internally she was shouting ''shut up, shut up, shut up, don''t jinx it'' or some similar shit.


    I think some of it has to do with the time I spent as ''Past Me''. Because while I didn''t remember any of the shit that had happened, it had still happened. I''d moved on, emotionally. But I didn''t have any of the new psychological traumas I''d picked up, so I could just kinda vibe and learn to feel like the new me, rather than constantly thinking about the old me. Like I was just kinda doing. Which I guess is another part of Growing Up that I haven''t done yet; Growing Up to the point where I''m not constantly amazed at how much I''ve grown up.


    In this case, the ''omigod I did a mature thing'' moment was when I got home, after a day of trying to get good with Lullaby, not knowing whether I had or I''d just been taking advantage of Sarah''s natural tendency to cat nap, I wound up grumpy because of my missing Marshall. Okay, he''s not technically mine. Yet. Despite plans which have been laid. But he''s still my mentor in the ways of Mortal ass kickery, not to mention how to be a certified ass kicker without being a giant douchebag. So I''m still gonna call him my Marshall. But I sat there eating dinner with a kind of booger look that I''m sure had the women walking on eggshells, what with my scars making my face look a little evil even when I''m literally orgasmic. Then I had that moment that had me thinking afterward ''holy shit, I''ve Grown Up'', and didn''t sit there brooding.


    "Hey, Kitten?"


    "Yes, love?"


    I waved her over, and she hopped over to my lap. "Do you mind if I ask you potentially work related questions here at home?"


    She actually stopped and thought about it for a moment before nodding and replying, "if you''d have just asked, I might be upset, but since you went to the trouble of asking permission beforehand, I can''t see where I will be. Just know that if it''s something complex or tiresome, I might ask you to wait on a detailed answer." She smirked and leaned close to my ear. "Or bribe me."


    I whispered back, "with sweets or sex?"


    "Yes."


    I laughed at that, then said, quiet enough that it wouldn''t carry and worry anyone else, "what''s up with the Marshall?"


    She paused for a long moment, successfully distracting me with some earlobe nibbling before quietly replying, "Some of the Eastern districts of New Amsterdam have reported some issues along our border with Saint Boltophsburg."


    My mind immediately jumped back to the thoughts I''d had before about his last disappearance, and how that wound up starting the slippery slope stopped by squished Saffron and scarred me. "Ah, shit."This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source.


    She surprised me at that point by snickering in my ear. "I''m sorry to have left you out of the loop on this, love. But we''re sending the Marshall for the same reason we sent Karen."


    "Because sending me is sending an invasion force?"


    "Exactly." I sighed, acknowledging her point, and she continued. "Not to worry. Potami is with him, along with six full Units of Dragonslayers. And he''s going aboard the Seeking Tentacle."


    I sighed. "Another one?"


    "Until we have the ability to lay down proper steel hulls, preferably with Cold Iron laced steel armored belts, the Tentacle class is in fact the most advanced class of ships in the Atlantic. Possibly in the entire world."


    "Possibly?"


    She shrugged again. "I''m certain she''s more advanced than anything in the Mediterranean and the North Atlantic, and none of the South Atlantic powers have ever put a great deal of stock in proper oceangoing vessels. They tend toward coastal and riverine craft. But I..." She smirked at me as she trailed off. "I suppose I''m maturing. I no longer need to posture and claim that my ships are the best when I''m not certain they are. It''s possible some nation in Eastern Asia has finer ships than ours. Well, finer than the ones we can make. Which brings me to the final point where this interaction ought differ from that of a year ago." I tilted my head, and her grin got absolutely panty-wetting. In both senses of the word. "Should the powers that be in Saint Boltophsburg foolishly decide to test the Alliance''s martial prowess? There is no part of that City more than twenty miles from the coast, and I positively dare them to try and assault the Black Dragon with her Captain aboard."


    The tension drained out of my shoulders. Yeah, stuff could still go to shit, and I half expected it to, but there''s a shit ton of difference between being an untried Cadet with nothing but rage and power for backup and being the single most potent military force in Atlantis with my beautiful Black Dragon ready and waiting to explain people into itty bitty pieces why ''military solutions'' were stupid when dealing with our Alliance. "Thanks, Kitten."


    "De nada, Goof. Now, my bribes?"


    "Hey, no!" She got that mulish pouty look, and I followed my initial outburst with, "bribes are beforehand. These are rewards. Mittens? Do we have pie?"


    Sadly Marie shook her head, but she had an impish gleam in her eye when she said, "Cream."


    I wondered how whipped cream could be a proper dessert by itself, then thought about cream pies, then was thinking about maybe seeing if we could get an early start on the baby making, when a small formation of Maries came out of her Kitchen bearing bowls that didn''t quite steam. Turns out that Marie knows how to make Ice Cream, and the top of the Bore is cold enough this time of year to freeze ice, and so we wound up with bowls of blueberry ice cream with some kind of crushed mixed nuts and steaming warm caramel over top of it all. Holy crap my wife to be is the wifiest of wifes ever to wife, and after feeding our Concubine while I did the same to Saffron, she whisked the three of us off to demonstrate her other wifey skills. The Bedroom ones. None of us needed a new outfit for that.


    Still kinda world rocked by self-awareness revelations, ice cream, and Marie on a Mission in the morning when I realized that my son was, in fact, making us new outfits specifically for that. Once I had everybody situated for the day, including one of me playing with the kids, one playing seat cushion for Saffron, one shooting the shit with Grandma where Siobhan had me right there if she needed me, and one of me doing laundry with Marie, I hopped over to his Workshop. "Son, you around?"


    He popped up from behind me, although I think I disappointed him when I just hugged him instead of jumping. "Did you need something, Mother?"


    "Busy?"


    He shrugged. "Making progress with the Hole Spawn, finally."


    I think I turned up the Proud Mom without really thinking about it. "Really? That''s so cool! Anything you want to show off yet?"


    He smiled and shook his head. "Not as of yet. Has my dear sister added to her stables yet?"


    I rolled my eyes. "Not yet, thank fuck. Uh, I did have a couple requests, if you have some time?" He nodded and waved one hand. I let him see me blush as I made my first request and told him who and what I wanted it for, and got rewarded with something like a genuine smile. I''m not sure if it was at seeing me blush or asking him directly for a piece of S&M gear for use on his Mom, but either way he seemed genuinely amused, which wasn''t common when there weren''t sentient beings turned into eternally tortured knickknacks.


    "Anything else?"


    "Yeah. You know that enchantment you put on the rings?" He nodded. "Could you do the same thing on a crown? Specifically the crown of Norfolk?"


    He thought for a moment, then asked, "how long will you be wearing it?"


    I shrugged. "Not long. One, maybe a couple public appearances before I abdicate in favor of Olga."


    He sighed, then nodded. "I make no promises about how well it suits her."


    I smiled at him. "Thanks, son. I knew I could count on you."


    One goodbye hug later, I stepped to Gregor''s old throne room in Norfolk. Wound up sitting in the throne itself, because the floor was covered in Jotnar. Like, only the two of them, Olga and her dad, but they are not small Human-Adjacent people, as I''ve mentioned before. They were also mostly asleep. Letting Skasn stay that way, i hopped over next to Olga''s ear and said, "Olga? Mind talking for just a second?"


    She turned her head, blinked her eyes, and reached up from where she''d been holding a Svart shaped Svart between her bigger-than-him bosoms. "Majesty?" she muttered.


    "Yeah. Just wanted to touch base with you on that. Sorry about not coming down to abdicate sooner, but shit came up."


    She was obviously too sleepy to hide her displeasure at waiting, but fuck it, I''d said I was gonna do this months ago, and it couldn''t have been easy being ''Princess Olga'' for this long with no Queen for her to Princess to. Also, I sure as fuck wouldn''t want to piss me off by presuming and declaring myself Queen. "Go on?" she half growled.


    "Yeah. I''m having a new crown made. My expense and everything. So as soon as it''s done, you set a date, make sure all the important Jarls are there, and we do this thing."


    She nodded, obviously still kinda sleepy. "Spring?"


    "Spring. Sure." I shook my head as she snuggled back down to go back to sleep. Almost like she was hibernating or some shit. At that point I had another rush of brains to the head.


    Dad? Do Jotnar hibernate?


    His mental voice all lecture mode, he replied, It''s not proper hibernation, but it might as well be. Any who live in places with seasons of plenty and seasons of want tend to gorge themselves a bit at the end of the former and mostly sleep through the latter. Given that they mostly live in the far north, where there is no sun in winter? It''s as much a necessity as an affectation in some places.


    Well, shit.


    What troubles you now, Daughter?


    Well, I''m your Daughter, so I''m a Jotnar, right?


    Legally and in spirit, yes...


    So why the fuck didn''t anybody tell me hibernation was an option?

 Day Five Hundred And Forty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    Yeah, the whole hibernation thing sounded good when I first realized, but again I''m hit with another example of how I''ve grown up. Back in my pre-isekai days, I''d have gone for hibernation in a heartbeat. But back then, and I think I may have mentioned this once or twice, I wasn''t so much living my life as avoiding it. Hibernation is just the ultimate in avoidance techniques. Nom a bunch, burrow in, and sleep until conditions are right for living. Which, if the conditions are never right, means just sleeping life away.


    Thinking about it like that brings back that whole ''is this real, or just some twisted fantasy cooked up by my dying brain'' thing, which I''ve mostly come to terms with. I suppose spelling it out isn''t a bad idea, though. Everything my senses tell me says this world is real, and has real people in it that ought to be treated as real people and loved and cared for and nurtured and protected and avenged from those who don''t treat them like they''re real people. But if it''s not, if this is my dying brain feeding me some kind of dying fantasy, or doing the same with me lying in a coma somewhere or whatever, it''s still another chance for me to actually live my life, rather than trying to avoid it. I''d be a very special kind of stupid to give up that chance. The problem with the Matrix isn''t that it isn''t ''real'', but that nobody in it consented to be in it.


    Yeah, that could be said of life in general, too, but that''s way too deep for me. Short version, soft Saffron tiddy make dopamine flow, fuzzy Mittens mauling make endorphins flood brain, caring for kids makes me happy. So long as I''ve got the power to stay here and be with them, that''s what I''m gonna do. I just kinda hope I never wind up having to choose between protecting them all and staying with them, because that would suck ass. I... Shit. I''m growing up, but I''m not sure I''m that grown up yet. The right thing to do there is absolutely to protect them. But I''m not sure I could do that. Fuck, does that mean that Past Me was a better person than me? Or that I''ve actually begun to have something resembling self-worth? I have no fuckin'' clue, and if someone comes to me with that kind of ransom demand any time soon, I''m gonna beat them to death with their own brain.


    Of course, while I don''t want to check out of life like I did back in the day, I could still see some value in just taking a couple month nap. Okay, maybe not that long, but a couple days where me and the fam just snuggle up and ignore everything else in the fuckin'' world? I could do that. Now, of course, I wonder how much of me being okay with that comes from all of the folks I care about being snuggled in with me while I snooze.


    Wait, wait, wait, I''m sure I told Saffron I was gonna get her to play hooky from Imperatoring for a day or three. I''m absolutely gonna hold her to that and get her and everybody else to climb into that big fuckin'' bed and sleep in each other''s warmth.


    Speaking of warmth, there was not a lot of that outside over the past couple days. Did not matter to my ladies around the Maw, although I think they might have just been luxuriating in the whole ''Mimic doesn''t like it cold, so the Maw is always warm''. If you can''t have it in real life, having it in a dream isn''t half bad, I guess.


    Got up early, what with this being my teaching day, and after hugs and kisses for each and every one of my kids and partners in whatever serving sizes they wanted, I hopped down to the Academy. When Murder Mittens brought me my spicy eggs, sausage, and bread, I waved her over. After a thank you kiss, I whispered, "is this why you''re always up so much earlier than everyone else? To make breakfast here at the Academy?"


    She smiled at me, booped my nose, and said, "Yes."


    "You didn''t realize that?" asked Siobhan from where she''d snagged a seat beside me. She didn''t always eat up at the high table any more, what with still getting her Marie cooking at home, but for whatever reason she''d decided to join me today.


    I shrugged. "Hey, we both know I''m a perpetually clue free zone."


    She giggled a little, hugged me with one arm, then went back to breakfasting. I think she might have had some actual work to do today, like a staff meeting or a class to teach.


    When I saw the first Cadets get up and head out, the me Co-Located out to the Practice Yard rushed to finish the prep work I''d been doing. I stepped to the western end of the Yard, with the idea that I could deal with the glare better than them. Also, oddly enough, sometimes when something got backlit hard enough, my whole wireframe thing kicked in. Interesting point, Cadet Citron wound up being the first one in formation this morning. I nodded hello, he just looked sour. Not, like, such an awful face I had to do something about it, but clearly not happy with the situation.


    Vickerson... Vickerson did something I''d never thought of. When everybody else got in line, one group lined up with a little dude at the front; his blue and white nametag said, ''Aetos'', which I''d come to realize didn''t mean shit in terms of ''relations''. Yeah, in theory all of them were distant cousins, but in theory everybody from PR is also Taino. Probably true, but so marginal as to be functionally meaningless. At any rate, when Vickerson jogged out, she stepped up next to him, and her column just took a step back to let her slot into the front. I nodded to her as well, then waited for the last few stragglers to get into formation.


    "Good Morning, Cadets!" Vickerson''s column managed a decent ''Good Morning, Instructor Diaz'', but the rest were all pretty lackluster. So, in time honored tradition, I called out, "what was that? Couldn''t quite hear you. Probably the scarring in my ears or something. Let''s try that again. Good Morning, Cadets!"


    This time they all got the clue. For his part, Citron might have looked cranky about it, but he sure as shit bellowed out, "Good Morning, Instructor Diaz!"


    "Before we get started, a few things. First and foremost, last week someone reported some potential favoritism on my part to the Marshall." Citron tensed up, but so did a bunch of the class. Nobody likes a snitch. "Just to set the record straight, Cadet Vickerson served in the Calverton Campaign, and we know each other from there. While there weren''t a lot of combat fatalities that campaign, it was three months of hard work clearing all the Undead out of Calverton. Cadet Vickerson, then Sergeant Vickerson, wound up doing one of the most boring, unglamorous, yet dangerous jobs in that Campaign, and she did a bang up job of it. When it comes to the purely military aspect of being a Cadet or Hero, she''s got a bit of a head start on those of you coming here fresh from your momma''s house." I nodded to the Aetos behind her. "It looks like some of you have twigged to that already. Hopefully the rest of you will take advantage of that knowledge. Politely, of course, but having someone to give you advice when you can''t or don''t want to have something on the record is priceless."If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.


    With that I met Citron''s eyes, but didn''t actually stop long enough to call him out. "That said, I want to commend the Cadet who put their reputation at risk to bring that potential conflict of interest to the Marshall''s attention. It might not have been very well thought out, but it took some stones, and another big part of being a Hero is doing what you think is right, even when it might cost you."


    I paused long enough for all of them to take that in, then called out, "So going forward, I want you all to feel free to come to me with things like that. I''d appreciate if you didn''t interrupt class with it, but as you saw last week, there''s a lot of time when you guys are doing things and I''m just watching to make sure nobody gets hurt. So unless it''s something urgent, hold off until then. Or ask me here in formation at the beginning, I guess. So, before we get started today, does anybody have any questions or concerns?"


    A Cadet from one of the middle columns between Citron''s and Vickerson''s raised her hand. I squinted a little to read her gold and black nametag. "Yes, Cadet Hildegarde?"


    "Did you sleep with her, Ma''am?"


    Oof. Well, I did ask. Of course, I didn''t have to play by somebody else''s rules. "No, Cadet, I did not. Just to quell any further rumors, there was no sleeping involved, before or after the fucking. Sergeant Vickerson performed her duties well enough that her command structure decided she deserved a reward, and after consulting with the Imperator, she chose that as her reward." They all looked a little shocked at that. "Everyone in this class is an Alliance Cadet. You may at any time be called on to risk your life to protect the Alliance and her citizens. By the time you are halfway through this class, you will be in better shape than you have ever been in, and by the end of it better shape than anyone but a handful of people outside the Alliance. There are thirty two of you in this class alone, and I''m fairly certain there are at least a few dozen more. Fucking may happen. So long as everything is consensual and between peers, meaning with another Cadet, I don''t give a shit who you fuck around with. Or don''t. But if I hear one of you is pressuring someone else about that kind of thing, you are in for a world of hurt. Do you understand?"


    "Yes, Instructor Diaz!"


    I nodded to Hildegarde. "Did I answer your question?"


    "Uh... Yes, Ma''am." I scanned the crowd. "Any other questions?" Citron raised his hand. "Yes, Cadet?"


    "What are we doing today, Ma''am?"


    I nodded and smiled. "Excellent question, Cadet! First we''re going to warm up with an nice leisurely run. Five miles is a nice, round number. Then we''ll do some stretching to finish our warmup, and then I''m gonna teach you to play a new game. It''s not nearly as painful as Squadball, but it''s a lot more of a workout if you''re playing it right." I looked back at Citron. "That answer your question?"


    "Yes, Ma''am!"


    "Okay then. Cadets! Outer track, at a run!" They charged off, column leaders at the front. In Citron''s case, I''m pretty sure he couldn''t stand to see somebody''s ass in front of him. In Vickerson''s, I realized she was already setting a pace for her column, one they could keep up all morning if they had to. I jogged up beside her and, loud enough for everyone to hear without me screaming, said, "Cadet Vickerson, I see you''re setting a good, sustainable pace there."


    "Yes, Instructor!"


    "Excellent instincts for a Soldier. Gotta be sure you can fight when you get there. Smart." I paused a beat, then said, "unfortunately, you are not training to be Soldiers. You are training to be Heroes. Who sprint all the way there, then fight anyway. Pick! Up! The! Pace!" She got the message when I said, ''pick'', and by the time I shouted, ''pace'', her whole column had started pushing Citron to stay in front. He did manage to stay in front, but by the time I slowed them down to a run rather than a sprint, they all kinda gleamed with sweat. They''d cool off while we stretched.


    Once I had them all warmed up, I gave them the abbreviated rules for basketball, then divvied them up into eight teams, two on each of the courts I''d sectioned off across the Yard. I think they were a little short for normal basketball courts, but since none of them had seen a ''normal'' court, they didn''t complain. I wound up Shaping a lot of Heal Injury, mostly for broken fingers. Well, broken, sprained, jammed, generally fucked up. One Cadet managed to try to sandpaper their own face off on the pavers, which I fixed up before she came to. By the end of the day, which we finished with a bit more stretching and a much more sedate run, I sent them all down to the Infirmary before dinner, just to have DeLeon and Siobhan check them over and make sure I hadn''t missed anything.


    As I did, I pulled Citron out of the crowd. When everybody else was gone, I said, "I meant what I said, Citron. It takes some guts to risk your position, not to mention your neck, to call it out when you think someone in a position of power isn''t playing fair. I held up the back of one of my hands. "More than one of these scars are from me doing shit just like that. Standing up for what I thought was right, even when somebody objected, violently." I let him look, then clapped him on the shoulder. "Going forward, I''d appreciate it if you come to me with shit like that. I''d hate to have anybody''s reputation ruined by stupid rumors, either about being somebody''s bed toy or about being a snitch. I promise you right now, so long as you bring that shit to me in good faith? I will absolutely hear you out and do my dead level best to make sure everything''s fair." I paused, then said, "You think you can do that?"


    He frowned at me, but nodded. "Do you really think you can make things ''fair'', Champion?"


    I chuckled. "D''you know what Marshall duBois once told my class about that?" When he shook his head, I imitated duBois voice as best I could and growled out, "life isn''t fair, but it''s our job as Heroes to Make It So!" I nodded, used my hand on his shoulder to spin him around and propel him toward the door, and said, "make sure Doctor DeLeon checks you out before you head to Dinner. I''ve got a lot of juice for Heal Injury, but I am by no means a professional Healer, and I''d hate to have you have problems with writing or shit because I fucked up."


    He trailed in a little late to dinner, which I''d decided to eat in the Dining Hall as a show of solidarity with the Cadets and staff, I guess. More fool me, because after dinner, right before Siobhan and I stood up to go, the Headmaster called me over. Siobhan trailing behind, I walked over and stood in front of the table. "Whatcha need, Headmaster?"


    "Two things. First, I was wondering if you could take a group of Senior Cadets on a recon in force to the northwest of your Homestead."


    "I mean, I guess so, but why me and why there?"


    He smiled. "You, because it''s your Homestead. Well, the Imperator''s, but I think the lack of cataclysm makes it clear you''re still together. At any rate, your Homestead is the northwesternmost point currently officially claimed by Phileo. As such, you''re our border with the wilderness."


    I frowned a little at that. "Aren''t there any locals out there?"


    He shrugged. "Possibly, but we''ve no official contact with them. Yet another reason to send you; you''ve certainly the authority to treat with any neighbors you come across."


    "And I''m taking the Senior Cadets why?"


    He laughed. "Because your own case notwithstanding, we do try to have our Cadets have some real world experience under the watchful eye of a Hero before they''re thrust into the real world on their own."

 Day Five Hundred And Forty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    Something I didn''t really think much about until yesterday at the end of the day when Headmaster Miles asked me to take some Senior Cadets on a ride along; a big part of becoming an adult is response to responsibility. As kids people tend to throw one of two ways. Either they hear about some kind of opportunity for responsibility and nope all the way the fuck out, or they hear about something like being a ''hall monitor'' or some shit like that and get the kind of butterflies in their stomach I got when I read the bit about Heroes being the equivalent of Senators in Phileo Law and Custom.


    I think I just figured out why by applying the tiniest amount of self reflection. Some kids hear ''responsibility'' and realize that means you''re the one on the hook for things. Other kids hear it and think ''power''. Like, they give no shits about what they''re supposed to do with that power, or whether they''re gonna hurt people with their whole playschool baby''s first dictatorship routine. But neither one of those is a really adult response.


    Because the adult response is hearing about some responsibility, realizing that they''re gonna be on the line for getting shit done, then realize that this does, in fact, need to get done, and somebody''s gotta do it, so unless they''re actually incapable of doing it, they get off their ass and do it. I mean, unless they''re overbooked, in which case maybe they see if somebody else can do it, or if they gotta adjust their schedule or some shit. Or sometimes they realize that they are absolutely the worst choice for that task, but there ain''t nobody else available, and it needs to be done, so they get up and do it, because sometimes the only way to get people motivated to do shit that needs to be done is to fail spectacularly making the attempt.


    All of that ran through my head after the Headmaster made his request. At least he didn''t use that whole ''requested and required'' line on me, because for whatever reason that totally grabs me by the guilt and makes me want to get shit done. Gotta be some weird Mana effect. Or fuck, maybe it''s me growing up, because I neither ran screaming at the thought of being responsible for a dozen Senior Cadets nor did I cream my panties at getting to lord it over them. Then again, I guess I could have done that latter anyhow, so it wasn''t as big a thing.


    Of course, then he dropped another bomb. "Oh, also, with the Marshall away, we''ll need someone to teach his Combat Training class."


    I pointed at myself and mouthed, "me?"


    He just laughed. "Yes, Champion. You are, in fact, one of the few Instructors who the Marshall has ever allowed to assist him in teaching Combat Training. So I''ll take that as an absentee vote of confidence in your teaching abilities."


    I sighed, then said, "How soon do you need me to do that ride along thing?"


    "As soon as possible, Champion."


    I slumped a little. "Okay. Combat Training tomorrow, then I''ll pick them up Monday morning. Can they be ready by then?"


    He smiled. "Part of the challenge is giving them as much warning as they might get for an emergency. When would you like me to tell them?"


    For a moment I toyed with the idea of telling them at breakfast Monday, but instead I shook my head and said, "Let them know tomorrow at breakfast that they''re to meet me after breakfast in the Entrance?"


    "I will. As is traditional, I''ll be there to see you off."


    I shot him a wry smile. "Thanks, Headmaster."


    Then I took Siobhan by the hand and stepped home. Directly to the cubby room, where I stripped down and dumped my stuff in record time. "Is everything okay, Tabitha?"


    I looked over at Siobhan, who''d just finished placing her headgear in a cubby. "Yeah, no, just stressed. It makes my scars ache. Ache worse than normal. I think."


    "Oh, dear. Help me with this?" I took a moment to carefully help her take off her robes.


    "Still going commando, huh?"


    She smiled at me, somehow managing impish and serene at the same time. "You''ve never told me to stop."


    I took her hand and walked to one of the showers. "You know you don''t have to, right?"


    "Do you still like it?" she asked as she picked up a wash cloth and soaped it up.


    I smiled at her. "It''s warm in here, and," I motioned to my own very perky nips. "So, yeah, kinda."


    "I thought that was because of the cold in the Practice Yard?" She spun me through the water, then let it pour over my front as she scrubbed my back.


    I reached back, took her hands, and pulled them around to my breasts. "Yeah, hot water ain''t got nohtin'' on my response to my Ice Pop going around shiftless just because I like her that way."


    Right about then we heard the kids heading for the Bath, and she laughed and started scrubbing. I just leaned against the wall and let her work. When she finished washing my hair, I moved her under the water and washed her off quickly and gently. When I finished, I rinsed and wrung out the wash cloth, hung it from the little bar under the shower head, and turned off the water. Clean, we walked the few steps to the Bath hand in hand. The water felt especially good after the cold, particularly on all my scars.


    "Hey Kitten?" I called out without looking.


    "Yes, love?"


    "I think I''m gonna sleep in here tonight. You okay with that?"


    She wound up having to hush the kids before asking, "do you mind company? As I''m sure you heard the children would enjoy providing some."


    "I''d love company." Even if the kids might keep us from doing other stuff.


    A moment later Siobhan Co-Located the pair of us to the Bedroom, lying side by side on the bed, looking at each other in the mosaic mirrored ceiling. The hot water might make my scars ache less, but it definitely made them stand out more. It made the contrast between my own scarred, tanned, muscular body and Siobhan''s slim, pale, perfect one even more pronounced. "Sorry."The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.


    "For what?" She asked as she ran her fingers along my scars without looking away from the mirror.


    I sat there trying to come up with the words to explain, to somehow express how perfect she was. A few moments later, Saffron showed up both in the Bath and in the Bed, lying opposite Siobhan from me. Buxom, bodacious, beautiful Saffron. I think my eyes watered a little, even as the steaming water forced my scars to let go of their constant stiffness. "You two are so fuckin'' beautiful."


    Saffron smirked at me... no, at Siobhan in the mirror. Something passed between them, and my hands moved of their own accord, slipping behind their heads, my fingers burying themselves in their hair. Then I pulled their lips together above my face, losing myself to the sight of them kissing. As I did, their voices whispered through my head.


    I think our Goof must still be cold.


    Small hands slipped up to cup my breasts. They are quite stiff, aren''t they?


    Shall we warm them?


    Let''s.


    Their mouths were very warm.


    Dreamt of my ladies singing hymns about Ecstasy. Fitting.


    Woke floating in the Bath, Siobhan under one arm, Saffron under the other, with Marie lying behind and beneath me, her arms around us and the kids who''d decided to glom atop us like cute little barnacles. After a full night in the Bath''s warm embrace, my scars didn''t hurt at all. Maybe a little bit of stiffness, but that was it.


    Thanks, ladies.


    De nada. Marie answered immediately.


    Time for me to get to work? At the inquisitive noise in my brain, I thought, I gotta teach Combat Training today.


    Marie jostled Siobhan awake, and a moment after the two met each other''s eyes, the three of us stood next to the towel racks. "Hurry."


    I''d actually slept late. Well, not late late, just late enough that after ten second''s toweling I used a Filtration Ward to banish the wet from us, then insta-clothed us in our Academy togs before stepping us to the Dining Hall. Bless Marie''s heart, and bless her incredible cooking Skills even more, because she brought me a tray of spicy eggs, jalapeno scrapple, sausages, and black bread at the same time everyone at the head table got served. I took my time with it. Like, I was still there, Marie blushing a little as she watched me savor myself to foodgasm on her cooking, while the rest of the Maenads cleaned up the Dining Hall and put the tables aside to clean the floor.


    I''d Co-Located up to the Practice Yard not long after I started eating, only to find Vickerson and Citron both there already. "Did you guys eat yet?"


    "No, Ma''am." They inadvertently chorused.


    "Get yourselves down and get yourself food. Your enthusiasm is noted, and I''ll be sure to tell the Marshall how eager you two are. But your wisdom is lacking; training on an empty stomach is gonna hurt more than it helps. Go."


    "Uh, Ma''am?" He asked, already half turned to head back to the Dining Hall.


    "Yes, Citron?"


    "Where is the Marshall, anyhow?"


    I chuckled. "Sudden diplomatic mission. Saint Boltophsburg."


    "Thank you, Ma''am. See you after breakfast?"


    I nodded, then made shooing motions with my hands. He skedaddled.


    Without any kind of plan for the day, I fell back on the Marshall''s old standby. Squadball. Of course, after lunch I called the Cadets back into formation. As they stood there sweating, I stood at Parade Rest in front of them, shaking my head. "I''m a little disappointed, Cadets." They all looked somewhere between embarrassed and pissed, but I''d expected that. "Not with your play. Not precisely. You''re getting better with your aiming, your blocking, your dodging. All good stuff. Nobody''s shirking that I can see. Props to you guys for that." All of them looked a little less of whatever they''d looked. and I shook my head again. "But that''s all pretty standard stuff. Nothing that''s gonna make a difference when shit goes south. Oh, you''re even getting a little better at your teamwork. But..." I shook my head again, playing it up.


    Eventually Hildegarde raised her hand, and I nodded to her. "What did we do wrong?"


    I smiled, but kept it tight. "Props for having the stones to ask. Good for you. But that''s the wrong question. You guys didn''t do anything wrong, per se."


    She got a bit of a booger look, but didn''t say anything. Citron raised his hand, then asked, "what didn''t we do?"


    I smiled again, a little wider. "Innovate. You guys are playing solid, maybe even professional level Squadball. But the furthest away from ''normal'' I saw this morning was the team who did dual Healer, dual Caster." I paused for a moment, then explained. "Look, Cadets, you''re training hard. I''m gonna push you to be stronger, faster, and harder than you ever thought you''d be. The Marshall, or I guess me standing in for him, will teach you how to fight, both as groups and individually. When we''re done with you, whether that''s in six months, a year, or five years, you''re gonna be the most dangerous you can possibly be short of actual battlefield experience. Hell, for those of you like Vickerson with actual battlefield experience, you''re gonna be some of the most dangerous combatants in Atlantis...."


    "But?" Citron asked, and I didn''t even begrudge him not raising his hand, since he set me up so well.


    I nodded at him though. "Somewhere out there somebody else is training just as hard. Maybe they''re from a tradition that''s as badass as Phileo. Probably not, we are the most dangerous fuckers on the planet. But maybe. Maybe they''re just bigger, stronger, and faster than you by nature, and they''re training just as hard. What''s gonna happen when you and that bigger, stronger, faster, just as well trained you go head to head in a stand up fight and try to smash each other into the ground?"


    He looked a little irked at having to say it, but he answered, "I''m going to lose?"


    I nodded and said, "unless?"


    He took a second, but then answered with, "unless I have a team of Cadets with me?"


    I gave him a ''not bad'' nod, but followed on with, "okay, that''s gonna help, but what happens when he brings his squad of buddies too?"


    Citron shrugged and said, "we lose?"


    I shook my head. "Not an option, Cadet. Yeah, sometimes the only thing you can do is lose as hard as you can, hope your reinforcements can win when it''s their turn. But we''re training you to win, to not need that."


    He threw his hands in the air. "So how do we win a stand up fight against an equal number of Heroes who are better than we are?"


    At that point Hildegarde snorted. I''m not sure she meant it to be heard, but before Citron could get pissed I stepped straight up in front of her. "Did you have something to add, Cadet Hildegard? Some response to Cadet Citron''s question?"


    She''s got some big ones, because she straightened up, looked me in the eye, and said, "Fuckin'' rich kids." I just looked at her, and she added, "always about the fair fight." She glanced at Citron and said, "fighting''s not a game. Fuck fighting fair. Fuck stand up fights. Kill ''em in their beds the night before."


    I snorted, laughed, and clapped her on the shoulder. "Okay, just putting this out there, none of you are allowed to attack one another outside the Practice Yard, and only within the Rules of Engagement inside the Practice Yard. So no jumping on one another in your bunks. Got it?"


    "Yes, Ma''am," they all chorused.


    "That said, Cadet Hildegarde hit the main point though. While we''re using games to train for it? War isn''t a game. Saving lives isn''t a game. Defending the ones you love isn''t a game. Heroing. Isn''t. A. Game."


    I looked around as the light dawned in most of their eyes. Vickerson raised her hand. "So, as regards Squadball, what should we do?"


    I smiled at her. "If we play a game on Saturdays, when the goal is to exercise you to help you get stronger, faster, harder? Come as close to the rules as you can without breaking them. On Sundays, when we''re getting you ready for fighting in the real world? Get. Creative."


    Funny thing, I did not expect to have to implement a new rule so soon. ''You may only hit other Cadets with a Squadball'' wasn''t popular with Hildegarde, who''d leapt over the divider and decked the opposing side''s Healer mid-''Heal'', but everybody else thought it was brilliant. Until I said that her doing the same thing with a Squadball in hand was just fine.


    Yeah, had to make sure everybody shook hands afterward. Also had to have Vickerson and Hildegarde escort each other down to the Infirmary to make sure I''d set their noses right.


    Fates were definitely fuckin'' with me today. I do the right thing, fill in for the Marshall, and try to teach one of the best lessons I remembered from his Combat Training class, and what do I get for it?


    Pissed off Ice Pop, that''s what.

 Day Five Hundred And Forty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    Funny, back in the day I never had to think about relationships. Mostly because I didn''t really have any. Just hookups and gaming buddies and Netflix and Chill. If you''d asked me back then, I''d have said that if something went wrong in a relationship, it wasn''t meant to be. Like, hit the eject button at the first sign of conflict or disagreement or anything other than blissful self-centeredness.


    I look at myself now and my reactions are so different, it feels like I''m a different person. Like, I know I''m not. If anything, this is just my whole ''omigod, am I really me'' reacting to me growing up and shit. Because if someone had sat down and told me that I''d have someone who adored me in every way I could think of and plenty that I couldn''t, then asked what I would do if I did something dumb and they got pissed at me, even back then I''d have said something like ''apologize''. Or maybe ''see how long I can hold my breath in the hot tub''. But even back then I''d have realized that if I found somebody like that, I ought to try and keep them if I could.


    Of course, in this case I didn''t really do something dumb. Maybe not perfectly thought out, but not dumb per se. Keeping the Cadets up and playing for as much of the day as I could really did qualify as good training. Not only did they get more time pushing themselves against the only real competition at their own level, they also started learning that getting hurt wasn''t something to be terrified of. Avoided, sure, because pain hurts. But if the time comes when you gotta roll the dice, or you gotta take a hit to get the job done, there are far worse fates than getting hurt. Letting somebody else who might not be able to take the hit as well get hurt, for example. I would absolutely rather get hurt than have anything happen to Saffron, or Marie, or one of the kids, or Siobhan.


    Which gets around to why I''d been thinking about relationships and shit going wrong in the first place. When Siobhan got done patching up the last of the Cadets and sent them on their way to dinner, I stepped up to thank her for all her work, only to find her arms folded across her chest, her mouth set in an angry little moue. "Siobhan?"


    "How... how could you?"


    I sighed. "I''m teaching Combat Training, Siobhan. I..." I trailed off as she glared at me.


    "You managed to find a game that didn''t do nearly this much damage on Saturnday."


    I nodded. "Yeah. For Physical Training. Basketball isn''t really a combat sport. Shit happens, because Cadets are running around at full speed trying to get the ball past one another, but they''re not supposed to be hurting one another playing B-Ball. So if somebody gets injured and it wasn''t purely by accident, I can call foul and administer some consequences."


    "So why couldn''t you do that today?"


    I sighed. "Because today was Combat Training. As in there''s gonna be some combat in there at some point. Which means shit happens. If I don''t train them as hard as I possibly can, which means letting them get hurt, when they get out in the real world and somebody comes at them, or more to the point somebody comes at someone they''re trying to protect, they aren''t gonna be as prepared as I can possibly make them." I thought about it for half a second. "Like, that dumb shit I goaded Karen into in Advanced Combat Training. You were there for that, when she went all stabbity on my guts with that cold iron butt plug."


    Siobhan snorted, shuddered, and grimaced all at once. "Please don''t remind me of that. It was..." she shook her head, but I stayed silent, letting her finish. "It was barbaric. Horrifying. I should have..."


    This time when she trailed off, I said, "should have what, love?"


    She hissed as she looked at me, her anger subliming into frustration in an instant. "Stop trying to seduce me when I''m trying to stay mad at you!"


    I couldn''t help it at that point, I grinned at her and said, "hey, nobody says you have to stop being mad. Don''t tell me you''ve never had angry sex." I waited just long enough for her to open her mouth, then interrupted with, "oh, wait, no, you haven''t." I brushed a hand against her face and stepped us to the Bedroom, flopping backwards onto the bed, banishing my uniform as I did. "Go on. Do your worst. Use me, little Ice Pop. Use me until all that anger''s used up."


    She scowled at me, her arms staying folded. "If I do that, nothing''s going to get any better."


    I folded my arms behind my neck and said, "are you still talking about Combat Training being dangerous? Because every bit of Training I give them to keep them in one piece is gonna wind up getting balanced out by training on how to do unto others first. Which is kind of my job, love."


    She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Do you mean that?"


    "Of course, Ice Pop. Just because I have trouble saying it unless I''m drifting towards Snarky McFuckmyface mode doesn''t mean it''s not true." I blinked as I realized something. "That''s why the pet names for all of you, y''know."


    "Hmm?"


    "Because it''s easier for me to call Saffron ''Kitten'' than tell her I love her. Or call Marie ''Murder Mittens''. Or call a certain Healer who I''m trying to goad into using me like a cheap prostitute she never intends to see again ''Ice Pop''."


    She frowned at me. "I wouldn''t do that."


    I rolled my eyes, enjoying how I could still see her in the mirrors. "Just to be clear, I consent. You have my permission to vent on me."


    I saw her wavering, then she sighed and said, "it''s... it''s not really the injuries, Tabitha."


    I propped my head up just enough to see her in the mirror above my head. "Okay, so what''s the real problem?"


    "Not that the injuries aren''t a problem, but even if I don''t like it I see your point. Cadets and Heroes who''ve never experienced violence will be ill prepared to deal with it. But the injuries..." she paused again, reaching, then her eyes lit up with realization. "Not only did they all come in at once, but the fact that you''d used Heal Injury on them meant that those who needed a different Shape applied... I had to... undo your work."


    "You had to hurt them again," I whispered, sitting up and holding my arms out as I did so. She opened her mouth, but couldn''t speak, and when she saw me sitting there, waiting for her, she lunged at me. As my arms wrapped around her, she beat on my chest with her fists, crying. "I''m so, so, sorry, Ice Pop. Love. Siobhan. If I''d realized, I wouldn''t have done that. I just wanted to cut down on the lost training time... and maybe cut down on your workload a little."


    She went still, whispering, "that''s the worst part, I think. That you did it for me. Like some kind of gift."


    "I kinda meant it to be."


    I sighed. "I just wish there was some way I could tell which ones to send down. Like, not all of them needed more than a Heal Injury, right?"


    She shook her head. "Only three for certain. Two others I wasn''t sure, even after looking at the details of Assess Health, so I had to... undo what you did on them as well."


    Something bounced through my head, and when Siobhan said, ''Assess Health'', it landed in my forebrain. "Wait, wasn''t Saffron working with Doc Glass on an improved Assess Health that would, like, do a bunch of routine diagnostic stuff?"


    "I... I think so? They lost me a bit when they went through those procedures, because Canta''s doctrine is different, but I can''t think that Doctors Glass and Zeccardi are fundamentally incorrect in their Assessment and diagnostic procedures."


    Kitten? Bedroom, please?


    A moment later Saffron appeared, clearly halfway through disrobing after a day running the council. "You wanted a third?" She grinned at the two of us.


    "Eh. Maybe in a bit, because somebody apparently needs some encouragement in getting her angry fuck on, but first, weren''t you working on a newer, improveder Assess Health?"If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


    She nodded. "I was. It''s a bit of a side project, but I work on it whenever I''m stuck on the new Inspect."


    "Any idea when that will be done?"


    She shrugged, clearly annoyed. "I''m so close on so many of the final pieces, but... not yet."


    "Okay. The new Assess Health, though. If you and Siobhan sat down and did nothing but work on it for the next week, do you think you could get it done?"


    She looked at Siobhan, then back at me. "Probably."


    "Okay, what if I asked you to add in some kind of popup on that main screen that let the person doing the Assess know what the right Shape to use to treat the patient was?"


    She frowned. "That''s... not always something even the University Doctors can determine from a simple Assess Health."


    "Well, yeah, i get that, but with some stuff, simple stuff, it should be. Like, simple sprained wrist or whatever that can be treated completely with a Heal Injury, that can show up, right?" She kept frowning. "And for anything more complex, it can just display what you were gonna display, and that way some poor first responder doesn''t think they''ve completely Healed their patient, only to have them, like, die or be crippled because they didn''t rush them to a proper Healer."


    "First responder?"


    "A Guard, a Hero, a medic, somebody with a little Healing training whose main job is to rescue people and get them back to actual Healers intact enough that the Healers can fix them up."


    "I... I think I could do that, yes."


    I looked at Siobhan, then back at Saffron. "Before next Sunday, if Siobhan is helping you all day every day?"


    "I can''t do that, Tabitha."


    "Sure you can. You''ve got your apprentices to do most of the basic work, the scribe for the paperwork, Grandma to keep them all in line. All you need to do is maybe keep one of you Co-Located down there in case of emergency."


    She sighed at me. "No, although I suppose I could do that for most of the week. But Thursday I''m scheduled to teach Cure Disease in your Basic Heroic Skills Two class."


    I opened my mouth, closed it, then muttered, "sneaky bastard, getting me out of the Academy for a week..." Then I turned to my two lovely ladies and said, "so, can you?"


    Saffron sighed. "Command me. No, Command us."


    "Uh, not gonna screw up ''do as you will'', am I?"


    She grinned at me. "Do you really think I don''t want to yet again show the world how magnificent my Shaping is? But even with things we would do otherwise, the Command of our Goddess empowers us. Does it not, Siobhan?"


    Still looking a lot irked, Siobhan nodded. "It does."


    I shrugged. "Okay. High Priestesses Saffron Aetos and Siobhan Darling, I hereby Command you to complete the newer improveder Assess Health so it can go Global before next Sunday morning."


    I swear both of them looked like they''d been hit with some kind of cocaine enhanced caffeine enema, although given that they''d both looked pretty wrung out before I said anything, they didn''t look ready to get coding right away. Saffron looked at Siobhan and said, "first thing in the morning?"


    Siobhan nodded. I murmured, "still mad?"


    "A little."


    I flopped back again, leaving her standing over me. "Okay then. Let it all out. I''ll Command you if you want me to?"


    Her eyes popped a little at that. "I''m... I''m not sure I want to do that."


    I slow blinked at her. "That''s fine too. It''s not for everybody. Not gonna force you to do anything."


    "Even if I ask you to?"


    I coughed out a laugh. "Hoo boy, that is some deep and kinky shit that I''m somehow still not surprised you brought up. It''s always the quiet ones."


    Saffron tilted her head. "What is it that you''re suggesting, Tabitha?"


    I shrugged. "I did some shit that pissed our Ice Pop off," I noticed aforementioned Darling shuddering a little when I said Ice Pop. "And I suggested she, uh, use me to work that anger out of her system. Y''know, like Penance. Or a certain Imperator correcting a naughty Attack Dog''s behavior when it gets out of hand."


    She just raised an eyebrow, and Siobhan said, "you two have done things like this before? Wait, what am I thinking, of course you have." She turned to Saffron. "Show me?" Saffron raised an eyebrow, and Siobhan smiled before saying, "please show me, Mistress?"


    "Why would I do such a thing to you? You''ve done nothing wrong."


    "I meant..."


    Saffron chuckled. "I know what you meant. You really want to try?"


    Siobhan pouted a little. "How can I know what I want when I know nothing about it. Not really. It doesn''t appeal to me as much as, uh, Tabitha''s... your... everything you''ve shown me. Everything else you and Marie have shown me. But had you asked me before the Autumn Equinox if I''d be turned on by stark raving terror, I''d have said of course not. So... yes, please."


    "Should Tabitha Command you?"


    "I... Why not." She turned to me. "Command me, please, Goddess?"


    I smiled at her. "I hereby Command you, High Priestess Darling. Vent whatever anger you have remaining by using me however you like." I''d never seen Siobhan Grin quite like my Kitten before. Not sure I liked it. Not sure I didn''t either.


    A while later we all lay there, the two of them almost passing out, but both smiling at one another. "Nope. Not for me," Siobhan giggled.


    I twisted my head to look at her in disbelief. "That was ''not for you''?"


    She just smiled lazily back. "Try getting me properly terrified at some point." I just stared at her as her eyes slipped closed. "I think I might have lost some hair to the chunks of stone falling past Marie and I. Now that was terrifying."


    Saffron muzzily murmured. "Not hurting, nor being hurt, but being frightened, threatened with hurt. Or death?"


    "Mmm."


    "Good to..." Then Saffron started snoring. Siobhan did as well a moment later, and I gently slipped us all back to our bedroom at the Homestead.


    Dreamt of Marie dangling Siobhan over the Maw while soup dumpling Saffron splashed herself over Marie''s claws. Dreams do be like that sometime.


    Woke up a tiny bit early and got Marie to get me breakfast at the Homestead. Everybody else joined me before I finished, but as soon as I got done eating I got up, went around the tables giving hugs and kisses good bye for a bit, then stepped over to the Academy Entrance. Six Cadets stood there, all of them looking old enough to be Senior Cadets. Three women, two men, one person I couldn''t label immediately. I checked nametags as the Headmaster walked out of the Dining Hall to join us. The women were a redhead named Mackenzie, a Blonde named Ryan, and a Brunette named Chloros. The men were a fuckin'' tank of a guy named O''Brien whose hair had been shaved down to where I couldn''t tell what color it was, and a tall, wiry dark haired guy named Aetos. Fuckin'' Aetoses everywhere in the Yards. The androgynous one''s nametag read Brown.


    "Good Morning, Champion Diaz. Will you be needing anything?"


    I glanced at my Cadet''s waists and shoulders. Each of them had at least one blade, and some kind of something showing in terms of ranged weapons. I looked back at Headmaster Miles and said, "nope. They''re armed. I''m armed. Living off the land is just Good Training, right?"


    He chuckled. and said, "just so. I''ll leave you to it then?"


    I nodded, said, "join hands." When they did, I stepped all of us to the edge of the cleared land at the Homestead. I''d been trying to get myself into the right headspace to lead a bunch of shitkickers on a recon, I really didn''t need to visit with the fam at the moment. "Any questions before we get started?"


    Brown raised a hand, and when I nodded asked, "what''s our general objective, itinerary, and standing rules of engagement?"


    I laughed. "Good questions. General objectives are to make peaceful contact with any locals, catalog any large wildlife and clear it out if it''s unreasonably aggressive, and maybe make a note of any useful resources if we see them. Itinerary will be heading due west for our first day, then heading back northeast for the next day and a half, then heading south for a day to return here, hopefully before I have to teach class on Saturday. Rules of engagement are don''t initiate any fights. If something that starts shit with us, and by starts shit I mean attacks us, looks like it could talk, which includes anything human and anything else you think you could talk to, take them down non-lethally. If local wildlife attacks us, and you don''t think it''s something we could talk to? Take it down as hard and fast as you need to."


    Ryan raised her hand. "Any known predators in the area?"


    I shrugged. "Two Dire Bears were spotted. One like, normal bear sized, I guess. The other one like a couple dozen feet tall."


    "Are we likely to find either of those?"


    I chuckled. "Not unless you go looking in the pantry at the Homestead." I jerked my thumb over my shoulder at where we could easily see the West Tower standing tall over the cleared space. The others chuckled, and I said, "okay, we can talk as we move. We''re not trying to take anybody by surprise, and we''re gonna be running all day, so I''ll let you guys set the pace. We''ll rotate who''s in front through the day. O''Brien, you''ve got point first. Let''s move out."


    I''m not sure if I should have gotten more specific, but honestly I figured the simpler I kept things, the less I could fuck our shit up. Turned out that I''d overestimated the local wildlife, at least in a westerly direction, because we didn''t spot anything bigger than a deer all day long. The first time it happened, the others looked to me. When I realized they were asking whether we ought to be, y''know, catching dinner or some shit, I said, "afternoon" as we kept moving. Of course, I underestimated the terrain and weather. Not only did we have existing snow to run through, by late morning the sky opened up to dump more snow on us. Luckily between the run and the jackets, none of us were in danger of freezing. Unluckily, between that and the more or less constant up and down hills, jumping over the little streams in the valleys, one of us always not quite making the jump, by the end of the day we were pretty strung out. I was just about to call a halt and hop back to the Black Dragon for some rations or something when I spotted something red in a tree in front of me.


    I waved everybody to a halt, then looked closer. Berries of some kind. I scanned around me and realized that like every fourth tree in sight had some kind of fruit on it. Some of the ones that didn''t looked vaguely familiar, like I''d seen them before, and not like stupid common trees like oaks or birch or pines. "Okay, everybody gather a bit. Don''t be greedy. I half suspect this is somebody''s orchard."


    "I didn''t see a fence," said O''Brien.


    "Yeah, this far out? I''m not thinking they''re big on fences. If it''s not, if this is just a natural stroke of luck, no need to strip everything just to keep ourselves fed for a day. If it is and we''re polite about shit, maybe we can find a roof tonight." They all nodded and spread out a little, gathering up a few handfuls from each tree. I snagged what I recognized as a couple persimmons myself, then hopped to the top of the tallest pine tree around. Just to the south of us, in the light of the setting sun, I spotted a single line of smoke trailing toward the sky.


    "Welp. Time to go meet the neighbors."

 Day Five Hundred And Forty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, it''s been a while since I had to deal with a complete stranger. I''ve met new people, sure. Tallulah and Ria, for example. But I had, like, information on Tallulah, and even a little on Ria, before we met them. I also had some general information on Rich Man''s Port from my classes, not to mention Karen going down and doing the initial introduction thing. So yeah, I haven''t really met anyone cold in a normal social situation since, like, fuck, I''m not sure I''ve ever really done that here and now. There''s always been some kind of thing I could fall back on.


    My status as a Cadet. My status as High Priestess. My status as Champion. My status as Patron Goddess. At least one of those kind of applied to every situation that I''ve been in, even if they haven''t always been exactly positive things in cases like Norfolk. Although even there, that status bought me a little bit of something. Like, they might not have known what the Alliance was, but they knew what a ''Champion'' was, and ''Champion'' had some weight to it.


    But out here in the middle of nowhere, I''m pretty sure that the folks know just about jack and shit about the Alliance. I''ll be a little surprised if they know about Phileo City. I could see them knowing Lancaster, what with Lancaster being the westernmost major Europan settlement. Of course, given the state I found Lancaster in, I''m really not sure that''s gonna be a point in my favor. Hopefully if the Lancasters have pissed off the locals that much, they''ll give me a chance to talk to them before they try to express their displeasure with me being here with sharp pointy bits.


    So when I saw that thin stream of smoke heading skyward, I stepped down to the middle of my Senior Cadets and said, "campfire that way." They all looked at me, and I pointed. "I''ll take point this time."


    "You sure?" asked O''Brien.


    "Yeah, this is supposed to be a friendly recon. If that gets fucked up, I''ll be the one to do the fucking."


    I jogged away from them, trying to ignore the insufficiently stifled laughter. Screw it, if we were all in a good mood, that might help with first impressions. Given my lack of general woods skills combined with the hilly terrain, it took us near an hour to get to where we saw the flickering firelight. The moment I spotted the little campfire, nestled into a gap in what looked like an almost natural little copse of trees and brush, I waved the rest down to a walk. I got to maybe twenty feet away from the fire and still hadn''t seen anyone, so I called out, "Anybody home?"


    I managed to keep myself surprisingly still as a voice from my left said, "this isn''t a home, just a camp. Who are you?"


    I slowly raised my hands, palms outward, and said, "I''m Tabitha Diaz. Who are you?"


    "You can call me Little Panther. So, Tabitha Diaz, are you and your friends human?"


    I snorted. "Hell of a question to ask. We''re all Human. Human-Adjacent, at least. Human enough to see a campfire and want to say hello and meet the neighbors like polite people would do."


    I definitely heard the creak of wood and sinew that a bow made as you drew it. Or let the pressure off. Really hoping I wouldn''t need to get in a fight, I looked over to see a pair of feet dangling from the brush. Looking further up I spotted the dude''s eyes, but not much else. He had some solid natural camouflage going on; not just colors, because even in the dusk with wireframe vision the branches and leaves stuck to him obscured him. "Humans don''t generally run around at night."


    He dropped to the ground, his bow no longer drawn, but still in his hand. He was just about my height, and even in the wan light of the fire I could tell his hair was dark and braided. "Yeah, well. It wasn''t quite dark when we spotted the smoke from your fire."


    At that point he looked over to the fire, then shook his head. "Fuckin'' silk, man."


    I chuckled. "Wasn''t supposed to start the fire quite so soon?"


    He shook his head. "He wasn''t supposed to use wood that would smoke so much."


    I nodded. "Yeah, I''d complain about rookie mistakes, but I''m not all that great in terms of woodcraft. I can just about keep going on a straight line eight times out of ten. Nine if it''s daytime and I can see the sun." I realized just then that I could tell where the sun had gone down, and where it would come up, all without looking.


    Little Panther sighed. "I suppose it''d be rude to tell you to go away?"


    "Hey, hey, hey, this is your campsite. Part of what we''re out here doing is trying to touch base with whoever lives around here. Just, y''know, say hi, see if there''s anything we can do to help you out, make sure nobody from our neck of the woods has come out here and shown their ass, that kind of thing."


    He shook his head. "Well. I suppose you''re not as likely to try and fuck our women the way the last ones did."


    I mirrored his head shaking. "Skinny guys, blonde, moved with the kind of swagger that told you they were constantly thinking with their dicks?"If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.


    He snorted. "That matches the description. You know them?"


    "There were like half a dozen of those assholes, and I didn''t really have time to get to know any of them personally. Which I consider a gift from the Fates, frankly."


    "Were?"


    I nodded. "they stuck their dicks in one too many places they weren''t wanted. We executed them."


    His eyes got a little big. "You and your friends here?"


    I shook my head. "Nah. Just me and my buddy Larry. He''s back at home today. These guys are Senior Cadets. Heroes in training."


    Little Panther shook his head and chuckled as he moved over to the fire, taking one hand off his bow as he did. Waving me toward the fire, he said, "strange, thinking that Heroes are something you can make."


    I shrugged. "Yeah, well. It''s a title. We teach them everything somebody who might need to rescue somebody might need to know, and I guess teach them when to use it, and then hope."


    When I stepped into the light, he blinked. "You''ve got scars."


    I reached up and ran my finger along one of the visible ones on my face, the one that came way too close to my eye for me to feel comfortable about it. "Yeah. Been in a few fights."


    "Did you win?"


    "Wouldn''t be standing here if I didn''t."


    "Fair. How many of you are there?""


    "Six plus me. Mind if they come forward?"


    He nodded. "I''d feel a lot better if they did, actually."


    I didn''t miss the fact that from where he stood, we were lit by the fire and he wasn''t, not really. A little backlit, a little side lit, but between his camo and the lighting, he could definitely disappear into the gloom fast. "Ladies and gentlemen, c''mon forward, our new friend Little Panther would like to see your pretty faces."


    One by one my Cadets drifted out of the darkness into the light. When all of us stood there, Little Panther snorted a little again. "You aren''t really worried about being seen, are you?"


    I shrugged. "Most of the work we do is on farms and in Cities. Out here in the woods our best bet is being friendly to anything friendly and being meaner than anything mean. You mind if we set up camp?"


    "Might as well. You have any food with you?"


    I snorted. "Just some fruit we found in the orchard back that way. I assume your people set that up?" Then I had a thought. "Just a second, though." Mittens, can you bring me some of that bear jerky? Enough for ten people?


    It was more than a second later, but not all that much. I felt her arrive. I didn''t see him move, nor did I really see her response, but the pack she''d brought along dangled from one claw while the other held the arrow he''d fired. I leapt between them as he knocked another, shouting, "whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Just my fiance delivering us some food." As he froze, I turned around, took the satchel and arrow both from her, and hopped up to give her a kiss. "Thanks, Mittens!"


    "Welcome," she grumbled out before stepping back home.


    I took a step closer to the fire, just close enough to feel the warmth of it, and held Little Panther''s arrow out to him. "You dropped this."


    He reached out and took it. "What..." I think he might have seen my face tighten up a little at that. "Who was that?"


    I flopped down on my ass, pulling my legs into a tailor''s seat to look through the bag she''d brought. "My fianc¨¦."


    "She is... not Human."


    I shrugged, pulled out a hunk of jerky that looked big enough for two. "Human-adjacent. Also literally inhumanly good at cooking. We killed a big assed Dire Bear maybe a month or so ago, and she turned most of it into jerky. We couldn''t eat it fast enough otherwise." I ripped the big chunk into to halves and held them out to him. "Want some?"


    He shook his head, then sighed, slumped, and stepped forward to take one. "If your woman can catch an arrow in flight, and you''re still willing to be friendly? I''d be an idiot not to reciprocate."


    It turned out the sudden bit of shouting had woken his two buddies, both of whom were in that little copse of trees, which was not so much a copse of trees as an artificially created little bower; off the ground, sheltered from the snow, generally not a bad place to hole up during the storm. Not that it had really stormed so much as just dumped white shit on us. His buddy who made the fire turned out to be named ''Black Cornsilk'' and when he sat up and made his way out of the bower I absolutely was willing to forgive any amount of poor fire making skills. Six four at least, the kind of chiseled features you expected to see in Hollywood leading men, and a black braid that dangled down to mid-thigh.


    Ladies? Are you seeing this?


    A few moments later, Saffron muttered into my brain. I am. Very nice. Very late. Was sleeping.


    Sorry, Kitten. Didn''t want you to miss it.


    Very thoughtful. Going back to sleep now.


    What if something Just Happens?


    You can show me in the morning. Hell, see if he''ll come back for a visit. But for now, I am sleeping. Good night, love.


    I laughed as I replied, Good night, love.


    The third member of the group we''d come across looked like a relative of Silk, but more ''oh, yeah, I see the resemblance'' than another woodsy thirst trap. As I finished talking to Saffron, ''Door Closer'', or just Closer as Little Panther called him, said, "you speak with spirits?"


    I thought about that for a second, then shrugged. "Ones that''ll talk, yeah. But that was my wife."


    Panther perked up at that. "The... tiger-woman?"


    I shook my head. "Nah. That''s Marie. I was talking with Saffron."


    "Two wives?" I nodded in answer to Silk''s question. "And you''re a woman?" I nodded again, and he sighed. "Three, and me without even one. No justice in this world."


    Fuck it. We ball. "We live about a day''s run that way. If you''re ever feeling, uh, lonely."


    Closer laughed. "Oh, please. He has no problem with bedding them. It''s keeping one that evades him. If he weren''t such a lazy fuck, he''d have had a dozen proposals on his looks alone."


    I laughed and shook my head. "Oh. Well. Yeah, we''re full up on spouses at the moment. But, y''know, the invitation''s open if you ever want to stop by for a visit."


    He got a speculative look. "Are both your wives tiger-women?"


    "Nah. Just Marie. Saffron''s an absolute short stack," I held my hand up right below tit level, then made the nigh-universal ''curvy woman'' gesture with my hands. Silk definitely looked interested at that. By that point everybody''d gotten a solid dinner of jerky, and my Cadets had a little Filtration Ward based shelter set up. "I think we''d best be getting to bed if we''re gonna be up in time to get anything done tomorrow though."


    Panther nodded, then headed for the bower. "Your watch, Silk." He lowered his voice, but not so much that I couldn''t hear him. "And please, if you absolutely must get your dick wet, wait until Closer''s watch, please?"

 Day Five Hundred And Forty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, I don''t normally think about socializing. Like, I do it, but I don''t really think about it while I''m doing it. Yeah, if the stakes are high I might start running scenarios in my head, trying to figure out how to end things without anything I care about getting cut off, but generally when I''m shooting the shit I''m totally in the moment. I think Blend helps with that, really, since I never have to think about how to say what I want to say in whatever language I''m speaking, because I know what I want to express, and Blend makes my mouth noises match the brain of whoever I''m talking to. It''s really handy that way.


    Of course, last night I hit one of the more hilarious semi-failures of the Skill. While I''d been shooting the shit with Panther, Silk, and Closer, my Cadets were completely in the dark about what we were talking about. Apparently Murder Mittens no-selling Panther''s arrow took them by just as much surprise as it had Panther. Fuck, her showing up had them a mite tense too. But me just taking it in stride and handing Panther his arrow back gave let them know I was serious about the whole ''peaceful contact'' thing. But for the most part they''d had to go on facial expressions and body language.


    Of course, I didn''t realize that until I set up watches; three watches, two Cadets per watch. Mackenzie and Ryan asked to take first watch. Pretty clear why''d they''d taken that, what with Silk being up and watching. Dude had the most limited Celtic vocabulary possible while still being able to spit game at the ladies. I tossed up an Alarm Ward set to let me know if anything larger than a big dog came within about a hundred yards of us. Then I sat there and watched Silk try and set up some company for when his watch was done, all with super cheesy lines about ''nice eyes'', ''pretty hair'', and ''round ass''. That last one got Mackenzie laughing, because apparently Ryan had nearly as bad a case of flat ass as I did. Senior Cadet, so what she had looked a lot like mine; ripped enough to show muscle definition through her slacks. Mackenzie actually made her stand up and show it off, at which point Silk got this really starry eyed look.


    Mackenzie might have gotten a little bit of a booger look at that, but I cleared my throat and said, "Cadets?" When I had their attention, I said, "unless one or both of you really intends to propose monogamous matrimony, it''s not a competition. Or it doesn''t have to be. Or you could take the competition to the next level, if you take my meaning."


    They both spluttered a little, Ryan eventually saying, "really, Champion?"


    I snorted. "In the first place, I''m your... Mentor, I guess, not your mother. In the second, you did notice which Temple High Priestess Karen claimed?"


    Both of them got a little wide-eyed at that. I guess maybe they''d forgotten that along with the whole, ''double Champion, High Priestess, Hero-in-Waiting'' thing I had going on, I was also the Patron Deity of the Alliance. Kinda sorta no matter which Deific hat I had on at the moment. I''m not sure whether the Alliance had two Patron Deities, or it was just ''me'', no matter which hat I wore at the moment. Either way, both of them kinda goggled at me for a little bit, then shifted toward Silk.


    "Just remember a couple things." When they looked back at me, I said, "The Academy doesn''t give maternity leave, you''re on watch right now, and we leave the same time in the morning as we did this morning."


    Ryan snorted. "Okay, Mom."


    Smart ass or not, they kept alert. Mostly by taking turns looking at Silk as they chatted him up. Okay, only a limited amount of chatting up was possible given the language barrier, but given Silk''s looks and the general physical fitness of Senior Cadets, very little chatting up was required. When Brown and Aetos woke up to take the middle watch, the two of them followed Silk back into their little bower. Closer came out a minute later, shaking his head.


    "You''re not going with them?"


    I shrugged. "I get plenty at home. Not saying I''d say no if he came out and asked me right now, but they seemed a lot more interested than me. Besides, I''m supposed to be in charge. Wouldn''t be good for morale if I took his attention away from them when they''re all worked up about it."


    He laughed at that, then after making sure the fire would keep burning low and slow the way it was supposed to, looked up at me. "You''ll sleep next?"


    I shook my head. "Nah. I can go without a couple nights if I need to." I''d felt my ladies Worshipping off and on through the night. Not really ''waking dream'' level of awareness, but clearly enough that I wasn''t gonna be groggy in the morning.


    He just smiled and said, "without sleep, or without..." and nodded to the bower, where quiet noises had started up.


    "I meant sleep. I guess I can go without the other too. Gonna be a stone bitch, though."


    That got a laugh out of him. "Oh, that won''t do. Can you summon up your... spirit wife? The cat woman? Or will one of us have to suffice?"


    I smiled at him, realizing right then that he was about as serious as I normally was when spitting game. Meaning not really, but absolutely willing to follow through if that''s what happened. "She''s a Maenad." I''m not sure how Blend translated that, but he got a little wide eyed. "And yeah, she can find me and come for me wherever I am."


    Apparently Blend manages to translate innuendo pretty well, or at least it did this time. "That... that would be something to see."


    I grinned at him. "We''re not normally into public displays." I let him nod sagely before dropping, "we save that for Holy Days and other special occasions." Bam, spit take. Your girl Tabitha wins again at competitive shit talking. At that point he nodded as he laughed, and I got up to walk the perimeter. When I got maybe a dozen feet away and I heard Closer quietly chatting with Brown, I pushed my Blend up enough that nothing ought to notice me. I wasn''t gonna leave them completely unguarded, but being able to do the informal diplomacy thing was definitely something that took real world practice, and they wouldn''t get that with me there mediating.


    Maybe an hour before sunrise I felt something walk across my Ward, and I ghosted over to it before it could get any closer our camp. When I saw it I was glad I did. I would put six Senior Cadets up against a bull moose, but I did not want to explain to Sister Siobhan how my ride along Cadets got busted up by a fuckin'' deer with kaiju boosters going on. Without dropping my Blend, because I didn''t wanna get stomped either, I Mana Bladed its head off its shoulders. Its body still knocked over a small tree before I Translocated in front of it and took it off at the knees.The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.


    A few seconds later O''Brien, Chloros, and Closer came crashing through the underbrush. Okay, Closer didn''t ''crash'' so much as follow the other two quietly, but still. I dropped my Blend back to normal the moment I saw them, and O''Brien called out, "Ma''am? What was that?"


    I nodded to the body of the thing and said, "hey Closer, you guys wouldn''t by chance know how to butcher one of those things, would you?"


    Turned out that''s actually exactly what the three of them had been doing; hunting and field-dressing game animals. Apparently they''d seen this big four-door-sedan-sized motherfucker before, but had sensibly avoided it. Closer ran his hand across the cauterized stumps and asked, "you did this with Mana?"


    I nodded. "Yeah. Mana Blade. Not what I''d normally use hunting, but it was wandering toward the camp, and I didn''t want to explain how my Cadets got broken to my Concubine."


    Right about then Silk called out, "four? There are four of you?"


    Laughing, I called back, "yeah, she''s not into dudes. But she can keep the others warmed up for you if you come visit."


    In the end we decided to stick around long enough to watch the hunting party field-dress the fuckin'' herbivorous tank. Turned out to be ''assist'' as well as watch and learn. Mostly because it took three Cadets or O''Brien and Silk to lift the fuckin'' thing. When it turned out the braided leather cords they had weren''t up to the job of hoisting the thing by the biggest branch on the biggest tree we could find, I had Marie bring me my rope darts. Mimic hide be strong.


    "We''ll need to leave this here for a while; will you stay to collect your ropes?"


    I nodded to Panther, then shook my head. "Nah, we''ve got to get going. We''re gonna have to double time it to stay on our scouting route and get home in time as it is. But," I thought about it, and the corpse swayed a little in a wind that wasn''t there. "I can find them wherever they are. So, y''know, I''d like ''em back when you''re done with them, but use them as long as you need them." I waved eastward. "Like I said before, we live about a day''s run that way. Look for the tower; you can see it from quite a ways out."


    The three of them did insist we stay for lunch, which turned out to be fire-roasted liver. Not my thing, but not terrible. Nom is nom, and the Cadets seemed to like it. What with them hitting the jackpot on the meatiest of meat loads, they sent us away with most of the liver. I think some other organ meats, but I don''t know from all that. To me it was a little meh, to the Cadets it was apparently ''the good stuff''. I definitely had to let Marie cook them at least one meal before I sent them back to the Academy.


    Once we were back on our route, I called out, "whoever''s one up from the rear needs to be marking our path. Straight east-west is easy, and north-south isn''t much harder, but we''re gonna be going northeast, maybe arcing a little out toward the northwest a bit. I wasn''t kidding the locals, either, we need to pick up the pace; I''m not gonna run at night, too much chance of somebody taking a header off a cliff or tripping over something and landing on their face. But until dusk, we run!"


    As we moved north, it did not get noticeably colder. Mostly because it was already ''cold as Ymir''s frozen asshole'' already. Running at Academy Graduate speeds definitely kept us all warm, or at least warm-ish, but every time we crested a hill at least one of us laughed about sweat droplets freezing in the wind. I did notice and point out to the Cadets two piles of bones and offal. Not, like, the kind of thing hunters might leave, either, but the kind of thing a big predator might decide weren''t worth the effort to fuck around with.


    We camped more or less out in the open, our perimeter secured by Alarm Wards, both mine and whoever was on watch. We didn''t set a fire, what with the food in our big meat satchel all being cooked already. Instead I just had them put up a Filtration Wards to keep precipitation out and warmth in. I could have done it, but that seemed like work, and I was already staying up all night to make it a triple watch instead of double. Decided in the morning as we broke camp that I probably needed to get some sleep Thursday night.


    We ran at a more reasonable pace today. Not slow, by any means, but a distance runner''s lope that let us keep our eyes open as we moved. The Cadets spotted another half dozen moldering mostly eaten corpses. I noticed two they didn''t, mostly because I''d hopped to the top of a tree to make sure we were headed in the right direction. I called them over to that one. Mostly because one of the two corpses had really recognizable scoop shaped antlers.


    "What the fuck did that? Begging your pardon, ma''am."


    "No worries, O''Brien. I''ve fought fuckin'' Jotnar and I wouldn''t want to face one of those big fuckers in anything approaching a fair fight."


    Brown, who''d paid the most attention when the hunting party took apart the prior moose, examined the thing up close, doing some hand measurements on the skull. "I think this one was bigger. Like, by a fair margin. How''d you take the other one out, ma''am? If you don''t mind me asking?"


    I pushed my Blend up, walked around them, and tapped t hem on the shoulder as I dropped it. "Like that."


    They exhaled, long and low, as they visibly relaxed themselves after tensing up. "Yeah, that would do it."


    At that point Chloros called out from the other corpse. "This one looks to be a griffon. Big one."


    "Mutual destruction?"


    She shook her head. "I don''t think so. Something with claws took its head off, I think."


    "Didn''t know you knew this woodsy stuff."


    She smirked. "Forensics. Cuts and stabs and blunt trauma look different. This looks like a cut."


    "Well. Shit. So something out there was big and bad enough to kill one or both of these two, and cocky enough to leave chunks of each of them for scavengers in the middle of the winter." I took a deep breath, blew it back out. "So, keep your eyes open, ladies and gentlemen. I''d bet on the seven of us against anything short of a Dragon, but if whatever ate these two gets the drop on us, it might not wind up a bloodless victory, and I''d hate to have to explain to Siobhan why I had to Revive one of you."


    You could just tell them you care about them, my Hero.


    You heard that, Ice Pop?


    It''s a slow day in the Infirmary. I hope you don''t mind me watching.


    Nah. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Well, as warm and fuzzy as I can be without you here. But I can''t tell them that, because then they''ll think I like them or something.


    Don''t you?


    Eh. Maybe. But I don''t want them relying on me to protect them from everything. Kinda against the point of the ride along.


    I suppose. Well, the sooner you get moving again, the sooner you''ll be back home with us.


    True. Love you, Ice Pop.


    We got moving again, staying to our long arc until right around sunset. At that point snow started coming down again, and the temperature decided that it had had enough of all the balmy sub zero temperatures it had been treating us to and plummeted. In the lead, O''Brien called out, "I think I see a cave. Should we camp there for the night, Champion?"


    Really had to get them to stop calling me that. Maybe. Anyhow, I jostled my frozen brain into gear and called out, "sounds like a plan, but be aware, if there''s a natural bivouac, odds are something''s bivouacking there already."


    "I''m sure we''ll be HOLY SHIT what the fuck is that?" O''Brien hollered as he backpedaled, forcing me to step aside or get trampled as the rest of the Cadets came up and spread out behind the two of us. That let me get a good look at the thing coming out of the cave.


    "That, my fine Cadets, is a Dire Bear."

 Day Five Hundred And Fifty

    Dear Diary,


    Ever since Siobhan read me the riot act regarding the Cadets in my Combat, and for that matter Physical Training classes, I''ve been thinking about my Duty of Care for Cadets put under my direct supervision. If I were teaching Phys Ed in a normal school, even at the University level, I''d say I''m absolutely supposed to do everything I possibly can to keep them from getting hurt. Back at Eastside that almost might have made sense. Even in Camden during its worst days, not everybody got exposed to violence. I mean, yeah, most of us, and all of us were sure it would happen at some point, but if you kept your head down and your mom didn''t have a violent boyfriend and you didn''t get caught up in some kind of gang violence or have a junkie craving a fix assault you because they thought you had enough pocket change to get them their fix, but still, I only wound up getting in like two fights, and only got beat up half a dozen times. Three of them were by cops, so those don''t even really count. I got a little off track there. My point is that back there, plenty of people never saw violence outside of a video game. No real question as to how much injury was acceptable in that situation; the answer is ''none''.


    But here and now is a whole ''nother situation. I''m not training a bunch of High School or College kids who most likely would go on to jobs in customer service somewhere. I''m training combatants. Not just, like, soldiers, but elite super soldier officers. A normal soldier back where I''m from might never hear a weapon fired in anger. Like, even with the endless bullshit wars we kept getting pulled into in the Middle East, we had servicepersons stationed in the States or in Europe for their entire time in, who were probably in less danger on the daily than any kid in Camden. But Cadets? Cadets are gonna be Heroes eventually. They''re gonna wind up out on the sharp end, because everyplace not ''The Alliance'' is the sharp end, and the whole business of Heroes is to keep the nastiest shit outside of their City. Or Cities plural now, because that''s what the Alliance is all about. letting each City have a border they don''t need to guard. Which means either everyplace inside those areas is safer, or we can maybe expand those ''safe areas'' a little.


    But that means that they''re gonna wind up out on the raggedy edge. Out where there''s shit like Hole Spawn and Dragons and Undead and, not to put too fine a point on it, Dire Bears. That means that if I want to train them harder than anything they''re gonna face, I''m gonna have to put them in situations in the Practice Yard where they can get hurt. Hopefully not injured too badly to fix, although with me being around to power any needed Healing up to and including Revive, that''s not as much of a limitation as it seems. But I think part of the whole idea of how Marshall duBois trained us, where we got the shit kicked out of us on the regular, either by each other or by the cold and unfeeling Laws of Physics when we tried to do dumb shit like break our fall to the pavers with our faces. None of us finished that training with a huge amount of fear of pain. Yeah, getting hurt hurt, but one trip to the Infirmary and all the pain went away. So even a quiet, nice young woman like Bonnie could, without thinking about it, shove her hand into a Wyvern''s mouth and grab its tongue.


    So, yeah, I don''t want my Cadets getting hurt, I''m gonna try to train them as hard as I can to avoid it, and even harder to be tough enough to survive it, but if they do, they do, because of that whole Samurai thing; having zero fear of death is a huge force multiplier in combat.


    Of course, I did not really expect the reactions of my team of six when I pointed out that the thing coming out of the cave at us was a Dire Bear. I won''t say they responded like a well oiled machine, because they were in fact six well oiled killing machines who may or may not have worked together during their stay at the Academy. O''Brien leapt forward, drawing his blade, a big bastard of a hand and a half sword. He slammed the side of the thing into the bear''s head before I think it really realized we were there. Of course, not only did that alert it to our presence, it also did more along the lines of ''pissing it off'' than ''seriously injuring it''. Like most things with eyes, the bear''s instinct when something came flying toward them was to jerk back, and while I''m pretty sure he gave the bear a dentist''s bill it would never forget, it wasn''t anywhere near enough to kill the thing.


    Mackenzie had a pair of long fighting knives; almost short swords, really. While O''Brien got it''s attention, she dashed around behind it and leapt on its back, plunging her knives into it''s back. It responded by roaring in O''Brien''s face and pawing at her, pushing itself to its feet when it couldn''t quite reach her. She pulled one dagger out like she''d intended to stab again, but she wound up plunging it back in and using them to cling to the thing''s back. It rammed itself backward into the hill its cave was in, and wondered if I''d have to do an emergency evac to deliver her to Sister Siobhan for some quality over quantity Reviving, but instead of the awful splurch I expected, the sound that came out was more of a crunch, and it didn''t quite hit the hill.


    I glanced to one side to see Brown standing there, hands moving to Shape a Fire Bolt. It wasn''t one of my overpowered wall melters, but it arrowed out and managed to nail the bear right between the legs. Burning fur and scorched meat exploded outward, but as before, it wasn''t so much a mortal wound as an infuriating one. Right about then the Air Shield they''d thrown collapsed, and Mackenzie screamed as the weight of the bear bore down on her. I think it''s own bone spurs were all that kept it from turning her into paste.


    "It''s Mana Resistant!" screamed Brown as they fired off another Fire Bolt. Of course, that got the thing''s attention, and it slammed both paws down on O''Brien as the start of a charge. O''Brien had been halfway through trying to gut the thing, but managed to get his blade in the way of one of the oncoming paws. It skewered itself, smashed him flat to the ground, and screamed as it charged. Limping, but still coming right at Brown like an angry dump truck.


    "You might want to move?" I called out, looking for a good way to end the thing with minimal bloodshed on our side. I really didn''t want to hear Loki bitching at me about dying again.


    I don''t think your students ought to die either, just to be clear.


    Me neither. Little busy.


    Brown stood their ground, firing off bolt after bolt into the thing''s face as it charged across the dozens of feet between O''Brien on point and Brown, who''d been bringing up the rear with me. "Filtration Ward," they said calmly.A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    "Mana Resistant," I said just as calmly, Blending a little and stepping to the side.


    "Oh, FUCK!" they screamed as it reared up. As it brought both forepaws down, blatantly ignoring the sword shoved through one paw, Brown dove toward it. Bold choice, but I kinda forgot that Cadets, not unlike a certain Champion who will remain nameless, tend to being brave to the point of stupid. They wound up underneath the thing as it tried to follow with it''s claws, and wound up slamming it''s own face into the ground before doing the world''s clumsiest somersault.


    "Caster down!" shouted Chloros, firing the crossbow she''d unlimbered as the bear''s head, for a few precious seconds, wound up more or less motionless as it sorted itself out from it''s near auto-turtling.


    "I''ve got them, focus on the bear!" I called out, stepping to Brown, grabbing them, and stepping to where O''Brien was woozily shoving himself to his feet. "You good?" I asked as he managed to get upright, one forearm bent in a way that forearms aren''t supposed to do.


    "I''m good!" he shouted, but before he could charge in unarmed, I tossed him Brown. He caught them with his left arm, and I yanked his right arm more or less straight and slammed a Heal Injury into it.


    Sorry Ice Pop.


    For what, Tab... oh, dear sweet Canta be careful.


    Never am!


    I leapt to the thing''s back as it righted itself, pulling out one of my rope darts as I did. I flung the dart around it''s neck, catching it and slotting it through the loop, gathering up as much of the rope as I could, and heaving. Anything this big had to need a lot of air in a fight, I figured maybe I could strangle it.


    I maybe kinda sorta forgot its response to Mackenzie. It stood, pawing at me, then fell over backwards. I Co-Located away, the me on its back dropping, slamming the dart into the meat of its ass when the line went taut, then getting a face full of bear ass for my troubles.


    From my new perch in a treetop I saw Ryan pouring arrows into it''s gut. Almost literally, as her rate of fire approached some dudes I''d seen with semiautomatic pistols back in the day, and while her arrows mostly punched into the big bastard all the way to the fletching, some losing themselves entirely, it didn''t seem to be doing much other than exposing it to peritonitis, which given the number of perforations in its bowels would kill it hard in a few hours, but by then we would all be moving through that gut lining. Still, she kept at it, loosing arrow after arrow into the thing, slowly moving sideways as it turned toward Chloros.


    Aetos stood between Chloros and the bear, a narrow bladed spear in his hands. The thing got back on its hind paws and trundled toward him, shaking its head as it did. I realized right then that Chloros'' first shot had taken it right in the eye. Impressive skull on the thing, what with the bolt not penetrating to its brain, but what remained of its eye looked like a sad party balloon, deflated and flopping around in the socket. Without depth perception, it overshot Aetos a little; much like Brown before him he dove forward, driving his spear into the thing''s chest. it sank in, sliding between the bone plates layered over its ribs. It roared in pain and did the predictable thing, slamming itself down on the guy who''d just stabbed it. The last I saw of Aetos he wasn''t trying to protect himself, but keeping the spear upright and braced into the ground.


    That got me good and pissed off, because now I''d have to explain to Siobhan how one of my Cadets got splattered all over the ground. The me that had given the bear a very unwilling visual proctology exam hadn''t died, just wished I had, because not only had my audiovisual input narrowed to bear rectum, my nose was still fully functional as well. Worse, the whole ''Mana Resistant'' was fucking with my ability to Translocate. That''s when I remembered exactly where the Wyvern hadn''t been Mana Resistant, not to mention how I''d demonstrated Mana Blade to the court back during my Court Martial.


    "Everybody down!" the me in the tree screamed. Ryan dove sideways, while Chloros just dropped straight down onto her face after letting loose her second shot. Damn good shot with that crossbow, because the bear was now completely blind. Of course that didn''t matter a second later, when I extruded a Mana Blade out of my forehead. A big one. I kept making it bigger until bits of it shot out of the fucker''s eyes, and steam blew out its ears as its brain flash boiled.


    Of course that put paid to the me in its ass, as apparently its last instinct before ''full bowel release'' was ''sphincter clench''. Trust me, you do not want to be paralyzed from the neck down when a dump truck sized bear lets go of everything in its bowels right into your face. I debated not collapsing that me back to the rest, just on the off chance that the stench would follow me, but I''m not sure I''d let my worst enemy die like that. Okay, given that I may well be my own worst enemy, I didn''t. Tingles raced across my whole body as I collapsed that me back to the me in the tree, and i stepped down before I fell down. "O''Brien! Ryan! Get that thing off Aetos! Chloros! Check on Brown and Mackenzie, and make sure there aren''t more of those things in the cave!"


    I limped over and threw my weight behind rolling the bear off Aetos. When the three of us weren''t quite enough to move it, even when I poured Mana into my muscles, I Blended a couple tentacles and yoinked. Turned out Aetos was far less smushed than I''d thought, pretty much for the same reason I hadn''t been squashed. Both of us are pretty much solid muscle and bone, and there was at least a foot of snow on the ground. Neither of us was in great shape, and he''d swallowed a couple teeth and broken his nose and all of his fingers, but it turned out that much like Ryan, he''d landed a kill shot on the bear, just not one that stopped it moving.


    Didn''t find that out until I called Marie in to butcher the thing, though. I''d had a momentary thought about letting the Cadets field dress it like they''d seen the hunters do with the moose, but then I realized that we didn''t exactly have a redwood to hoist the thing up by, so Murder Mittens would have to butcher it in place like she''d done with the last one. Just as she arrived, Mackenzie came out of the cave and pronounced it empty. Even a cursory look inside showed that it hadn''t been more than a burrow for the bear; a single divot in the side of the hill, maybe the size of a one car garage, and it had just shoved itself in to get out of the snow.


    With the area theoretically clear, I called Siobhan in.


    "Hey, Sister. I''ll provide the Mana, but could you maybe take a look at the Cadets? If they''ve got the right Shapes, let them do the healing, too." She gave me a look. "Good training." Then I remembered. "Oh, shit, I think I might have fucked O''Brien''s arm a little."


    She shook her head and reached a hand up to my cheek. "Oh, my Hero. The field of battle is where Heal Injury is meant to be used. I''ll see to your Cadets. Will you be bringing them home tonight then?"


    I shook my head in turn. "Nope. We''ve still got to check the path back to the Homestead. Think we''re gonna shelter in place in that cave there tomorrow though. The Cadets need some rest, and Murder Mittens can show them some more about butchering wild game."


    "Uh, Champion?"


    I sighed, closed my eyes, counted to ten, then when nothing exploded or screamed or otherwise informed me that Murphy was not in fact done fucking me for the evening, turned to Chloros where she''d looked up from examining the Dire Bear''s forepaws.


    "Whatcha need, Cadet?" "


    "This thing isn''t what did for that moose and the griffon. Claws are too small."


    Just like Murphy to leave a handy card telling me he''d be back to fuck me more later.

 Day Five Hundred And Fifty-One

    Dear Diary,


    Sunday night and last night notwithstanding, this past week has been remarkably good. Met some neighbors and, other than a bit of a knee jerk jump scare that would have been way more dangerous back where I''m from, made some new friends. Did a bunch of running outdoors, which I found surprisingly enjoyable. Got in a kind of argument with Siobhan, which I''m still sort of guilty about, because even though I thought I was doing the right thing, I''m sure there are plenty of decent folks who supported some really shitty stuff for just that reason, and did it for the same reason I did; I didn''t think.


    I mean, it felt like a serious no brainer moment. Heal Injury does what it says on the tin, so I used that shit on everything where something wasn''t a ''disease''. Shit, I used that stuff after I used Cure Disease, to erase the long term injury type symptoms of the disease, like ribs broken from too much coughing. Like Franks Red Hot, I put that shit on everything. Which, according to my lovely Ice Pop, is fine for emergencies like battlefields or plagues, but isn''t exactly the right move when it comes to peacetime applications. So now I realize I may have left a path of people with permanent disabilities behind me. Which, to be fair, are less onerous than the ones they could have had. ''My arm aches in the cold'' is way better than ''I wish I still had my arm''. But I gotta know the limitations of my tools, because there are times to use a saw and times to use a scalpel.


    So like I said yesterday, I called Siobhan in to do the Healing on the Cadets. It turned out all of them needed a Heal Injury, because they all had lots of minor shit wrong that needed fixing. But after I Stabilized all of them just to keep them from bleeding out, I watched carefully through her eyes as she used what looked like variations on Heal Injury, Cure Disease, Stabilize, and some other shit I didn''t really know how to describe, but understood on an intuitive level. She aligned and fused bones so they''d heal properly. She used a variation on Cure Disease and my Filtration Ward trick to debride deep wounds. She sealed up those deep wounds from the inside out, so there weren''t weird inclusions. She basically did all the shit that I should have known how to do by now, what with having passed ''Advanced Healing'', but I was too much of a slacker to learn.


    At the end of it, I pulled her in for a hug and kiss. "You, my lovely little Ice Pop, are a better person than I''ll ever be."


    She blushed and leaned into the kiss, into me. "Kinder, possibly. More patient, probably. Gentler, definitely. But those aren''t always Virtues in a woman of action, my Hero."


    I shrugged. "Still need to reward you for being so consistently awesome."


    "You keep saying that."


    I rolled my eyes. "Blame the Headmaster. He keeps roping me into stuff."


    "See you at home tomorrow night?"


    I sighed. "They''ll do better with a little rest, right?" She nodded. "Friday some time after noon, then."


    "See? You''re kinder than you know, my Hero." Then she was gone, stepped back to the Homestead.


    Marie wandered over to me, O''Brien and Chloros following her. She''d been showing the Cadets about butchering, and the two of them had shown the most interest. "Drain."


    I looked at the big bastard of a bear and sighed. "Really, Mittens? You sure?"


    "Freezing."


    "Fuck."


    She chuckled. "Later."


    "Gonna be next week if this shit keeps up like this." I got an idea and asked her, "head up or head down?"


    "Down."


    I sighed, then Blended one of my big tentacles and, waving my hands like some kind of bad B movie telekinetic, used those tentacles to grab it by the ankles and lift it into the air until the dump truck sized bastard hung upside down, the claws of it''s forepaws scraping the snow. Marie stepped over and made a few deep slashes in its neck and forelegs. She also managed to dodge the first gushes of blood out of the thing. The Cadets who''d been watching her mostly moved around to watch. Brown, on the other hand, came over to me.


    "How... Pardon, Champion, how are you doing that? I can''t even see the Mana."


    I snorted. "I''m Loki''s High Priestess, remember?"


    "Tricksters can hide their Mana?"


    I felt a little bad as I started to answer, then stopped myself and thought for a second. Brown definitely saw that, but waited. "Never assume. Never take things for granted. Yeah, you can see Mana. Normally. But there are gonna be people who can hide it from you. Shit, you might wind up with some variation of whatever''s wrong with me."


    "Wrong with you?"


    I shrugged. "I can''t see Mana unless I''m high on Fae Grain. Okay, I can kinda see things like Ley Lines. But not much short of that."


    They opened and closed their mouth a few times before finally settling on. "Are... are you really a Demigoddess?"


    I sighed, slumped a little bit, and said, "I''ve got a High Priestess and a Temple and everything, don''t I?"


    They frowned. "But... you''re not... wait, are you a Trickster Goddess?"


    "Yes, all Trickster Goddesses will answer that question honestly, if they''re idiots, like their reputations clearly show them to be. Right?"This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    Brown blushed, thought for a second, and finally said, "so, I ought to question my assumptions when I see something I don''t understand?"


    "If you have time? Do it even when you think you do understand. Especially if you''re dealing with opposing forces. Or think you might be."


    "Thanks for the advice, Champion."


    I shrugged again as Marie walked back to me. "It''s what I''m here for, right? Mentoring you and shit like that?"


    "I think I''m older than you."


    I had nothing to say to that except to just give them a look until Marie walked up and said, "Same."


    "Yeah, you''re older than all of us put together. How long do I have to keep doing this?"


    "Hour."


    "Shit. You sticking around until then?" She nodded, then snuggled around me while I stood there pretending to hold the bear up with my outstretched hand, actually holding it up with one Blended tentacle. At the end of the hour, she had me turn it belly down and proceeded to literally gut the thing. As she did that, Ryan and Mackenzie started a fire and set up a few simple spits over it. As Marie pulled the larger organs out, the Cadets put them on the fire to cook. As they did, I called out, "hey, can you snag a solid chunk of that for Sister Siobhan? She likes liver."


    Marie grinned and used a claw to slice off a normal cow-liver-sized hunk of liver, Translocating it back to the Homestead before returning to continue breaking down the bear.


    I''d realized when Marie started in on the bear that we''d need be up most of the night. Piece by piece she broke it apart, leaping back to the Homestead every so often. Each of the Cadets requested and got a piece of bear skin big enough to  make a bear skin cloak. Yeah, yeah, yeah, ''fur is murder'', but this fucker had tried to murder the fuck out of us first, and I''m sure it would have eaten us if we''d come out the losers. She sent me a mental picture of little bear skin fur coats for the kids, and I nodded, mentally noting that any other kids at the Homestead ought to get ones too. Yeah, I''d gotten them warm coats, but fur coats were cool. Generations of pimps can''t be wrong, right?


    After we''d stayed up all night breaking down the bear, with the Cadets eventually taking over each of the tasks when Marie''d shown them how, we faced sunrise absolutely beat to shit, with a huge puddle of blood and mud and offal where we''d torn the thing up.


    "Normally, you''d want to break shit down further from where you''re gonna sleep, or move camp if you''ve got to break shit down where it fell, but I am too fuckin'' tired to move. Cave''s ours by right of conquest. See if you can figure out a way to camouflage it a little with some brush or something, then three watches of eight hours each. We run back to the Homestead Friday."


    So we slept all day Thursday, and through the night until Friday morning. I''d intended to sleep, I really had, but something about sudden Dire Bear kept me just the tiniest bit too on edge to get properly drowsy. So one of me lay there pretending to sleep while another of me Blended and settled down atop the cave. I''d worried about the offal attracting predators, but other than some scavengers like foxes or coyotes or some other ''smaller than wolves'' quadrupeds, nothing really showed. Probably too fuckin'' cold for the scent to travel.


    The one exception came maybe two hours before dawn, when a small figure crept up to me. My first thought was Brown, but then I realized that the figure was clearly a she, and also clearly dressed in buckskins.


    "Hey. Wondered when and if any locals would show up."


    I realized right then that whoever she was, she wasn''t shivering, despite the deeply subzero temperatures. She also had a certain there-ness to her. "I didn''t know any of you spoke our language."


    I raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, it''s a knack." I held my hands out, palms outward, before reaching to her with one of them to shake. "I''m Tabitha. What should I call you."


    She looked at my hand for a while before taking it, saying, "Call me Rabbit." She wriggled her nose, totally cute, then said, "some of my people call me Jack, but that''s gotten the attention of the... unique one from the South."


    "You mean Jack from Jackville?"


    She rolled her eyes. "Just the one. Who I was trying not to draw the attention of. Because he is clearly insane. As are those who would summon him."


    I grinned. "Aw, some of us are just stupid." She smirked, then snerked, then broke out into quiet laughter. "Seriously, though. If he gives you trouble? Tell me. I''ll come straighten him out."


    "You''re very confident for one so young seeming."


    I shrugged, then started counting on my fingers. "Artemis. Odin. Apollo. Sengann. Domnu. Balor. Morrigan. That''s seven who''ve come up against me so far, four who died, and three who regret their decision to reject my offer of sitting down and talking like potential friends."


    I realized right then that my guest had gone absolutely still. Quiet noises still emanated from the cave, and I still saw bits and pieces of the world in normal color, so I knew time hadn''t stopped, but it had gotten more than a little bit darker. "Fuck, Mom, did you need something?"


    "You called me, Daughter."


    "Not every mention of your name is me calling you." She sniffed. "Look, Ma, you''re scaring my new friend. Can you fuck off and, I dunno, go play with Johnson?"


    "I was doing just that when you summoned me."


    "Okay, now I''m officially unsummoning you. Fuck off."


    A moment later light returned to normal, and Rabbit was gone. Sensing she might not actually be entirely out of earshot, I said, "Like I said, you or any of yours have trouble with any of the newcomers, let me know. I''ll come collect my people, maybe teach them some manners."


    "You''d claim them as yours?"


    I sighed. "I''m embarrassed by some of them. Most of them. But somebody''s got to take responsibility."


    "Why you?"


    "Because I can." It got real quiet. "Hey, those three we met the other day. Closer specifically. They yours?"


    "Of any of them, he''s the closest, I guess. I''ll remember what you said."


    "You do that. And, y''know, stop by any time, we''ve got some extra beds at the Homestead, and we can always make room at the table."


    A few moments later, I almost imagined a rustle in the bushes, and she was gone.


    When the sun rose, i collapsed back to myself, got the Cadets up, and ran them straight south. Fun, funny thing, the West Tower is tall enough that I could see it from the treetops at least four ridges away from home. Yet another handy feature, probably just as intentional on Saffron''s part as everything else. As we approached the big bone fences, I asked, "any of you have anyplace to be early tomorrow?" At the general answers in the negative, I said, "I''m a little beat at the moment. I could Translocate you all home, or you could head back the long way, or you could stay the night and I''ll take you back with me when I head in to teach my class."


    They all opted to stay the night, and we hopped the fence and got greeted by a selection of homestead women which included a very attentive Chloe, not to mention my three ladies and all seven kids. As Marie and the women took the Cadets in hand to get them rooms, dinner, and baths, Saffron and Siobhan slid under my arms. "I am exhausted. I could sleep for a week, but I''ve got to be up in the morning. So, dear lovely ladies mine, I''m hereby requesting that you take turns pile driving me into unconsciousness."


    Saffron and Siobhan looked at me, looked at each other, and shook their heads, chuckling ruefully. "Sorry, love. I''m afraid you''ll have to go another night without. Or at least, you can''t go to sleep yet."


    "Huh? Why the fuck not?"


    "Because, as you required and requested us to do, my Goddess, lovely Siobhan and I have finished the modifications to Assess Health."


    "Yes!" Piped up Siobhan. "Now we just need your help to... how did you phrase it, Saffron? Oh! Right! Roll it out Globally!"

 Day Five Hundred And Fifty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    I think I''ve managed, somehow, to push myself to a point where I''m noticing fatigue. Don''t get me wrong, I''ve definitely felt ''oh, hey, that took a lot out of me'' before, but in most cases, rather than ''I want to sleep for a week'', I generally pass out and wake up in fits and starts for a couple days. The closest I remember coming to this was my Cure-A-Thon during the plague, which was in pretty much similar conditions, only instead of standing still doing endless Cures, this time I was sprinting up and down forested hills. Snowy conditions both times, although I think this time was colder. Hard to tell without a National Weather Service measuring and recording all that shit. I also didn''t get in any fights during the Cure-A-Thon, and definitely did not wind up getting used as an impromptu Dire Bear butt plug. On the other hand, nobody vomited on me this time.


    I think I''d rather be vomited on.


    So I definitely think that if I''d have had the option, I would have gone straight to bed on getting home, but my lovely ladies informed me that at my Deific insistence, they''d also shorted themselves on sleep for the past week, completing Saffron''s earlier intended modifications to Assess Health, then adding the modifications I''d requested. When my eager little Ice Pop announced they needed me to help roll out the new Spell Globally, I slumped.


    "Does it have to be tonight?"


    Siobhan got just a tiny bit terse. "You have class tomorrow."


    I sighed. "Fuck. You''re right. Sorry. Okay. When and where, ladies?"


    Siobhan turned to Saffron, who said, "some altitude would help, and the West Tower is, I think, a little better insulated than your little shelter at the top of the Bore. It also has a place for a fire now, so if you''ll bring some wood?"


    Half an hour later, after finding where the women stored all the burnable scrap wood, I stepped to the top floor of the West Tower to join my lovely little ladies. The spot for the fire was a weird looking perforated metal trough around the hole down the center of the Tower; I loaded all the wood into it, then after getting a nod of approval from Saffron, lit it up.


    "What''s with the hole in the middle?"


    She pointed at a stone bar hanging across what looked like a chimney through the roof. "That''s for hanging a fire and melt proof vessel to melt metals in. With water filling the bottom floor, this makes an excellent shot tower."


    "Shot... like guns?"


    She nodded. "We haven''t finished the prototype yet, but for simple round shot, the type you''d use in ''shotguns'', this will do nicely. Also, it''s good for forming ball bearings."


    "Dayum. You do think ahead."


    She nodded, then sighed. "Eventually it will be obsolete. The view will still be nice though, and having a firepit does improve things on cold nights. Shall we get started?"


    I Shaped a simple Mana Network between the three of us, because it really was more efficient than doing the Stabilize thing, and I was still tired as fuck. "Good to go. I''m just the Mana Battery here."


    Siobhan looked at Saffron, who just smiled serenely back at her. "Well, go ahead. You did at least half the work this week."


    "I... I couldn''t!" Siobhan squeaked.


    "You most certainly could. I''ll be right here to assist if you require it. As will Tabitha. Go on. I have faith in you."Stolen novel; please report.


    Siobhan''s eyes got real big at that, but she drew Mana from the Network and moved her hands through Shapes I vaguely remembered, yet somehow intuitively understood. This was layers upon layers deeper than the previous time we''d replaced Assess Health though. Long before she finished, Saffron had me pick her up and move her out to the roof of the Tower, standing close to the little chimney in the middle, warm smoky air coming out of it taking the worst of the chill out of the air. Also keeping the worst of the light snowfall that had started away. Just to be sure I Booned her with the Jotnar anti-cold whammy, but she was so involved in her Shaping that I''m not sure she would have noticed her legs freezing off, let alone a little frostbite.


    After an hour and a half, maybe two hours of Siobhan Shaping while Saffron leaned back into me with my arms around her over her shoulders, Siobhan''s hands slowed to a stop. "Saffron?" When Saffron just made a little inquisitive humming noise, Siobhan said, obviously nervous and edging toward panic, "Saffron, I don''t know what to do next."


    Saffron chuckled and stepped away from me, putting her arms around Siobhan''s waist and laying her cheek between Siobhan''s shoulders. "That''s because you''re done. Well, almost done. Done with the Shaping proper. Now all that remains is to power it and release it."


    "How do I..." Saffron reached around, gently guiding Siobhan''s left wrist until Siobhan said, "oh! I see. Right there?"


    "Yes."


    "How much?"


    Saffron chuckled. "I''ll tell you when it''s enough. Beyond that every bit you can manage to stuff in there will make it faster and harder to displace."


    "Oh! Well then," I very carefully did not stagger as she used the Mana Network I''d set up to draw way more Mana than she''d normally be able to handle straight out of me to pour into the Shape. "Wait, what if we find a way to improve it?"


    Saffron chuckled. "I''ve thought of that. It''s part of the Global Spell itself. Any who know how, who understand the intricacies of the Shape, can use the Shape itself to modify it."


    "Is... there were parts I didn''t quite understand. How would I go about doing that?"


    Saffron hugged her. "Hopefully with my assistance. But I''ll show you later, when we''re in out of the cold."


    "So much Mana. I''m not sure I could ever be properly cold holding, Shaping this much."


    It took another half hour, even with me pouring Mana in, before Saffron said, "that''s enough."


    "How much more should I put in?"


    Saffron shrugged. "As much as you feel you can handle. Don''t risk losing control of it though."


    She nodded, but kept pouring in Mana until I could see the Shape glowing. Maybe fifteen minutes later, she nodded. "How do I release it? Before Saffron could say anything, Siobhan said, "oh, wait, this?" She reached forward, entranced, and the Shape sprang into motion, rolling itself into a torus, then exploding outward toward the horizon, crackling as it went.


    In the deafening silence after that, Saffron whispered, "congratulations... Archmage."


    Siobhan just stared, entranced for a few seconds until she squeaked out, "what? Me? No, I can''t be an Archmage! I''m... I''m just..."


    "Just the one that, over the past few hours, Shaped, Empowered, and Cast a Global Spell."


    I stepped forward and scooped them both into my arms. "Congratulations, Ice Pop. Wait, sorry. Archmage Ice Pop." I waited for her blush to die down just a little, then whispered, "no, that should really be Archmage Darling."


    Saffron chuckled into my ear and murmured, "see, now you have to wait, my Champion."


    "Wait for?"


    "I recall someone wanting to be pleasantly deprived of consciousness?"


    I scooped them both up and stepped us all to the Bedroom. "Oh, yeah. Forgot about that."


    As Siobhan blinked her way back to consciousness, a smile perma-etched onto her face, she rolled out of my arms and flopped back onto the bed, arms outstretched. Saffron copied her action, grinning up at me. "Of course, you''ve now an opportunity to do something I''m not sure anyone in history has had before you?"


    "Pretty sure I''ve done this before, though?"


    "A threesome with two Archmages?"


    Yeah, she had me there. Then they both did, and I absolutely lost consciousness in thirty minutes or less. Dreamt of giggling popsicles and soup dumplings.


    Marie lifted me upright in the morning and walked me through a cold shower to wake me up. Not fun, but I needed it to be even slightly awake. I crept back into the bedroom, kissed my ladies and kids farewell for the day, then stepped down to the Dining Hall. Got me some spicy eggs, jalapeno scrapple, and sausage, with another of me Co-Located to the Practice Yard. When the Cadets came up, I ran them a few miles to warm them up, then pairing them up to get themselves loose and limber. Then I set them up playing basketball.


    Had to implement another rule; if anybody caused an actual injury that made somebody get sent down to Sister Siobhan or Doc DeLeon, the other team got two free throws while the offender escorted the injured party down to the Infirmary.


    How in the hell have I wound up the person who not only enforces the rules, but makes them up?

 Day Five Hundred And Fifty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    Nothing quite like getting to bed when you''re really beat. I guess its the same as food tasting best when you''re hungry, or the way water tastes so good when you''re parched. I guess I never thought about it before, because ''going to bed'' is so anathemic to little... holy shit I''m adulting again. Like, I''m actually actively enjoying laying down and going to sleep. Shit, not just enjoying it, but waxing rhapsodic and shit like that. Next I''ll have a favorite pillow and... Fuck. Mittens. Mittens is absolutely my favorite pillow. Okay, Siobhan is my favorite body pillow, because she''s always just the tiniest bit cool to the touch. Shit, now I''m wondering if I have them backwards, and how pissed either or both would be if I had them swap.


    Shit, I''m debating pillow qualities for something other than sex position padding. I''m doomed. I''ve let Geoffrey down. I''m no longer a kid. I grew up. Fuck.


    Next I''m gonna be talking about fiber and the state of my... Wait, no, I don''t actually do that. Holy fuck on a stick, I never thought I''d be happy about lack of discernable waste output for that reason. Then again, I already talk about that now and then, and ''none, so nothing'' is still a report on the state and nature of my bowel movements. Next I''m gonna need support braces and dentures and shit. I''m gonna be geriatric before you know it.


    Yes, I''m well aware that as a bona fide Goddess, I am in fact immortal and immune to aging, but I''ve only been one of those for around a year, and I only really understood what it meant after I''d been here a while. Meanwhile I had over a dozen years of being old enough to understand death and watch it happen to people around me more or less at random, followed by my mom dying slow and hard right in front of my eyes. Also, it''s not like there haven''t been plenty of deaths in my general proximity since I got here to reinforce those old mortal ways of thinking.


    Hell, maybe that''s a good thing. Maybe part and parcel of where the Gods here went wrong was calling their supposed Immortality a reason they were fundamentally different to and better than all the mortals. Really hope that if I ever get to the point where I think of my self as a Goddess when I''m not thinking about it that I don''t wind up thinking anyone who isn''t a Deity is somehow less worthy of consideration, of basic Human and Human Adjacent rights. Y''know, I think maybe there''s a better way of phrasing that, because Kraken are clearly sapient, but nowhere near Human, but they still deserve some kind of rights. Sapient Rights? Yeah, that sounds right. No pun intended, but clearly and gladly owned up to.


    So yeah, by the time I had one of the Cadets gather up the basketballs and deliver them to the equipment sheds, I''d kinda worked myself hard for over a week. I mean, I''d worked harder before, but never quite for so long without any meaningful rest. Led them through a brief cool down run, because if I''d stood in the middle of the Yard I''ve had passed out on my feet, then dismissed them to dinner.


    Didn''t stay for it myself. I Translocated myself to the Bath, banished my clothes, and just toppled forward toward the Bath. Remembered at about a forty five degree angle, Translocated myself into one of the shower stalls and caught myself before I flattened my face. Co-Located to scrub myself down, forgot which one was doing the scrubbing, wound up scrubbing both of me, then collapsing into me to rinse myself under the shower. Duty done, I stumbled back toward the Bath. Halfway there my ladies appeared under my arms, supporting me, and a moment after that Marie scooped me up and stepped into the Bath carrying me. The hot water felt so good I straight up passed out near immediately.


    Dreamt of my ladies treating the Maw like some kind of gargantuan stew pot slash hot tub. Too tired to even weird myself out thinking how good they all taste.


    Woke up in bed in the morning almost, but not quite, not exhausted. Whispered to Marie, "is it class time already?"


    "Breakfast."


    "Shit."


    "No."


    I snickered. "Fuck."


    "Later."


    At that point I gently Translocated us both to the Bedroom and said, "are you attempting to get me to be a mature, responsible adult?"


    She insta-dressed us both, then Translocated us to the Dining Hall. "Maybe." One of her whispered in my ear as she set me in my high table chair, while another lay a decadent breakfast of spicy eggs, jalapeno scrapple, breakfast sausages, fresh black bread, and at the center of it all a single perfect waffle.


    I held her there, leaning against me from behind as I tore up my waffle. "Couldn''t have kept the one of you delivering me au naturel?" Then I smiled, turned to kiss her on the cheek, and let her go. "Thanks, Mittens."


    "Later." With that both of her disappeared.


    From down the table, Headmaster Miles said, "I don''t think I ever asked if you''re responsible for our Head Maid''s, ah, multiplicity."


    "Guilty as charged."


    That got a laugh out of him. "Somehow I''m not surprised you''d phrase it that way. While occasions of of suddenly Marie have increased, most of us had already had at least one before that. But startlingly stealthy is one thing, able to step directly behind me when called for is something else entirely."


    "Yeah, sorry about that."


    "No need to apologize. She''s probably saved more lives, made the Academy a better place in so many other ways as well."


    After that we went back to eating. I Co-Located up and waited for my class to arrive. When they did, I think they all got the idea that I was not in the mood for fun and games and chatter. Probably something about the whole hunched over Parade Rest, because sure as shit I couldn''t keep that shit parade ground crisp.


    "Good Morning Cadets! Marshall duBois has not yet returned from Saint Boltophsburg. While I''m sure you all miss him as much as I do, I can tell you that as of yet I haven''t been called in to deal with rude Boltophsburgers, so I can only assume the diplomacy is going well." The Cadets'' expressions ran the gamut from vague disappointment to relief. Then again, the disappointed ones might just have wanted him back. No reason to think they were all as belligerent as Citron. Who, oddly enough, surprised me by being one of the relieved ones. "Okay, then. Five mile warmup run, then stretching by pairs, and then a rousing day of Squadball!"


    While nobody injured themselves running in circles or stretching, for which I remained endlessly grateful, they then continued to surprise me by remaining fundamentally uninjured until maybe an hour before lunch time. Like, not just ''nobody sent to the Infirmary'', but ''nobody even needing an Assess Health''. Of course, it wasn''t for lack of trying. If anything, I think it was Citron being on the opposite quad from Vickerson and Hildegarde. Not that those two didn''t have some epic head to head contesting going on, but I think somehow the previous day''s rule about Infirmary Visits being Undesirable may have carried over.


    Of course, I''d been rotating the teams every half hour or so, and an hour before lunch Hildegarde rotated onto the half of the Yard with Citron. Now, where she and Vickerson had been getting physical, doing their dead level best to hit one another with Squadballs from point blank range, preferably without letting them go, I got the sense that they kept the basic goal of ''full contact armed ball-tag'' in mind. When she moved over to the court with Citron, that changed. Hildegarde went after him like he owed her money. This wasn''t ''target of opportunity'', or even ''taking out the other side''s captain or MVP''. This just looked personal. The fact that she took out three other players without ever letting go of the ball was just secondary.


    I think that''s part of why Citron didn''t realize he was her target. While she bounced through another team, then into his, he fired off a shot that bounced off an opponent''s forehead so hard he caught it out of the air on the rebound. Good thing, too, because that armed him a split second before Hildegarde arrived. Since my declaration that only hitting somebody with the ball was legal, some of the Cadets, and Hildegard, Vickerson, and Citron all three qualified, had started developing some kind of Squadball based martial arts or some shit. Grabs, shoves, blocks, nothing that could injure except strikes with the ball, and the blocks very carefully did not touch the ball. Kinda impressive, really, and gave me an idea for an alteration next week, but at the moment I left the two maniacs to their mid-game spar and stepped over to the downed Cadet.This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.


    His team''s Healer had already reached him. "Good job, but I think he needs the real thing." I grabbed him and popped up a small Filtration Ward, because I didn''t need to get brained while trying to make sure this kid... Cadet Bouras, with a blue and white nametag. Dark hair, skin tanned from plenty of time spent outside. I wove one hand through the motion for Assess Health.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(126, 140, 141, 1); border-style: solid" border="1">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Assessment For:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">Peter ''Pete'' Bouras</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Target Type:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">Hybrid Humanoid Biped (''Bag'' / Human)</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">General Health:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">Injured</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Conditions:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">Unconscious, Contusions, Minor Fracture. </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Recommended Treatment:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">Stabilize, Heal Injury, EIGHT Hour Observation</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Granular Assessment Data:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">Activate: ( Y / N )</td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    Obedient to my ladies'' indirect commands, I tagged him first with a Stabilize, then holding him down so he didn''t get brained again before he had a chance to orient himself, I hit him with a Heal Injury. Then, while he blinked his way back to coherence, I mentally focused on the words ''Twenty-Four Hour Observation''. A new window popped up immediately.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(126, 140, 141, 1); border-style: solid" border="1">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 10.2708%">Treatment:</td>


    <td style="width: 89.7292%">Observation</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 10.2708%">Description:</td>


    <td style="width: 89.7292%">This injury often has extremely subtle side effects which do not show up on simple divinations. Therefore the patient should be closely observed for at least twenty four hours, paying special attention to DIZZINESS. PUPIL DILATION. HEADACHE. NAUSEA. DISORIENTATION. SLURRED SPEECH. LIGHT SENSITIVITY.</td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    I had no fucking clue how it worked in a technical sense, and for all I knew it wasn''t any better than, like, WebMD, but it was still pretty fuckin'' impressive to me. Check that, it didn''t diagnose him with cancer; definitely better than WebMD.


    I put one hand on Cadet Bouras'' shoulder and said, "chill, Cadet; you get to spend some time with Doc..." A massive double crackling crunch interrupted me. I spun on my knees to see Hildegarde and Citron, each with one hand grabbing the other''s jacket, the other attempting to juxtapose a Squadball with their opponent''s skull, both slowly slumping to the ground while the rest of the Cadets stared. I rolled my eyes and Co-Located one of me to stand next to them, throwing up another Filtration Ward while I Translocated Bouras'' down to the Men''s Infirmary.


    One of me called out, "Hey, Doc. Got an eight hour observation for you," as I helped Cadet Bouras into a cot. The other looked down at the two who kept growling at each other even as they collapsed.


    I sighed and tossed an Assess Health at Hildegarde.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(126, 140, 141, 1); border-style: solid" border="1">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Assessment For:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">Hildegarde</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Target Type:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">Hybrid Humanoid Biped (Human / Vanir)</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">General Health:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">Injured</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Conditions:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">Unconscious, Contusions, Minor Fracture. </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Recommended Treatment:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">Stabilize, Heal Injury, EIGHT Hour Observation</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Granular Assessment Data:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">Activate: ( Y / N )</td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    Much like I''d done for Bouras, I tagged her with a Stabilize, then a Heal Injury, then I Co-Located next to Citron and carried her down to Siobhan''s Infirmary.


    "Hey, sweetie. Got an eight hour observation patient here. Potential concussion, maybe?"


    Concussion?


    Uh, she got hit in the head?


    And needs observation? A potential brain bruise then?


    Yep. Gotta go teach now. Love you.


    I love you too, my Hero.


    While I did that, I shaped an Assess Health on Citron.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(126, 140, 141, 1); border-style: solid" border="1">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Assessment For:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">Cadet Cathal ''Carl'' Citron</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Target Type:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">Hybrid Humanoid Biped (Dan / Human)</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">General Health:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">Injured</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Conditions:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">Unconscious, Contusions, Major Fractures, Minor Fractures. </td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Recommended Treatment:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">Stabilize, Regrow Bone, Heal Injury</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 50%">Granular Assessment Data:</td>


    <td style="width: 50%">Activate: ( Y / N )</td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    That one got me. While I Shaped Stabilize and stopped myself from Shaping Heal Injury, because I realized the order might be important, I mentally poked ''Regrow Bone''.


    <table style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 100%; background-color: rgba(236, 240, 241, 1); border-color: rgba(126, 140, 141, 1); border-style: solid" border="1">


    <tbody>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 10.2708%">Treatment:</td>


    <td style="width: 89.7292%">Regrow Bone</td>


    </tr>


    <tr>


    <td style="width: 10.2708%">Description:</td>


    <td style="width: 89.7292%">This Shape is used to fix damaged bone in cases where the bone has completely lost integrity or the fine details of the shape of the bone itself are integral to its function. Regrow Bone is required for a broken TOOTH, TOOTH, and TOOTH.</td>


    </tr>


    </tbody>


    </table>


    Well, shit. Guess the worst that would have happened was fucking up his smile, but I figured he didn''t deserve that just for being generally unlikeable. For all I knew his dad was just as big a dick as Lenny. So I Co-Located one of me back to the center of the Yard to observe, then hoisted him up and stepped him down to a cot in Doc DeLeon''s Infirmary.


    "Hey, Doc. Got you some dental work to do here."


    Doc DeLeon, who''d been waving his hand in front of Bouras'' face, looked over to me and sighed. "Is there a reason you didn''t have the Cadet who injured Bouras bring him down?"


    I nodded toward Citron, who was clutching at his bloody mouth and moaning. "That would be this one, who was out himself until a second ago."


    "How..."


    "Hildegarde did for him."


    DeLeon shook his head. "And she didn''t bring him down because?"


    "She''s with Siobhan now."


    Doc just shook his head, sighed, and waved me back to class. I collapsed all of me back to myself and went back to my oversight thing.


    Those weren''t the last injuries of the day, but they were definitely the most interesting.


    Not the most interesting thing of the day, though. That would be at lunch, because I didn''t get any. Murder Mittens decided Lunch was later enough.

 Day Five Hundred And Fifty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    So I went into yesterday kinda tired. I''d had some sleep, had some Worship, but not nearly enough of either to make too much of a difference. Okay, that''s not entirely true. I wasn''t quite sleepwalking through the day, which is what I''d have done without the sleep I got. But I was tired enough that I had to keep moving, had to keep pacing, or I would have fallen asleep standing up. Honestly I''m pretty sure that''s why Marie nabbed me at lunch, so I wouldn''t faceplant in my food. She''s much softer and my food won''t wake me up when it''s time for afternoon class.


    When I finished up class, I snagged Marie and Siobhan for the trip back home.


    Home. That''s a hell of a loaded word, isn''t it? Because holy fucking shitballs did I just get a rush of warm and fuzzy thinking of it that way. We went home. Home where I could sit and quietly feed Siobhan while Marie did the same with Saffron, I think because that intersection between ''gifts'' and ''acts of service'' is right in the middle of both of our love languages. Or, as Saffron put it, ''nurturing according to our nature''. We traded at dessert, because it had been way too long since I got to feed Saffron sweets and watch her glow.


    As we did, I had a thought. "Hey, sweetie?" I asked quietly.


    "Yes, love?" Saffron murmured after swallowing.


    "The other Houses have kitchens, right?"


    She smiled. "They do. But until every House is so full we needn''t use them. I think one or two of the women use them now and again if they want something other than what Marie''s been making."


    "Does not compute." She nudged me, laughing, and I filled her mouth with pie again. "Oh, hey, did the Cadets get home?"


    She nodded, savored her pie, and swallowed. "Cadets O''Brien and Aetos stayed an extra day and night. Chloe and a few other women asked them to help with... chores."


    I snerked. "Okay, yeah, I''m sure they had lots of ashes to haul, pipes to clear... uh..."


    "Holes to fill," she muttered before I stuffed her mouth with pie again. Both of us snickered until the pie was gone. Especially what with Chloe and a few of the other women gossiping together, making some really obvious gestures as they did.


    When the pie was gone, my lovely ladies helped me up to the Bath, then scrubbed me down. Both of them absolutely got themselves covered in my body odor before they did. Saffron muttered something about pie, but Siobhan just smiled and said, "I love the way you smell, my Hero."


    They shooed me off to the Bath once they had me clean, and I slipped in and soaked. I definitely fell asleep in the Bath again. Woke up there this time too, with partners and kids floating all around me, hair billowed out around heads. Freaked me out a little because apparently the whole ''not breathing'' thing winds up with people being absolutely still when they''re floating there sleeping. Okay, after I watched for at least a few minutes I saw Alex roll themselves around and snuggle up to Daya, who wriggled a little bit, but didn''t seem to mind enough to wander off.


    Still got a dose of what the Headmaster had referred to as ''suddenly Marie'' when I turned to look at her, watching her fur float so it looked like she''d been blessed with the mother of all static charges, and her eyes popped open as she lunged forward to kiss me. Morning, Vlickies.


    Good morning to you too, Mittens. I think I''m gonna be lazy today. Hang around the house, play with the kids, maybe go visit Conrad in the afternoon. Wanna join me?


    She pouted at me for a second. Work.


    She almost got me. Aww... it''s okay. It''ll just make you coming home that much more special.


    Then two more of her popped up, one grabbing each of my hands. All three of them chorused, Why? into my brain.


    So I spent the morning playing in the leftover snow with the kids. They came in during the afternoon, because it warmed up enough that some of the snow started melting a little, and according to Marie, that''s what got kids sickest; that cold humidity when stuff started melting. On the one hand, three of us in the house can Mass Cure, and that whole ''cold makes you sick'' doesn''t jive with germ theory that I know of. On the other hand, she''s got three thousand years of experience, three hundred plus of them wrangling Cadets, who are just slightly more self-destructive kids if my time teaching was anything to go by.


    So after lunch I dropped in on Conrad, stepping right into his lab. "Son?"


    He popped up directly behind my Maries and I, as was his wont. "Yes, Mother Dear? Oh! You''ve brought Marie today!"The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    "Yeah, I wanted to know if you had time to go visit the stables down in Rich Man''s Port today. Y''know, make sure you''ve got the measurements right and everything."


    He pursed his lips. "I suppose I could. Before that, while we''re speaking of measurements, if my Stepmother-to-be would please?" He waved to his measuring stand. Marie looked at me, I shrugged, and one of her let go of my arm and stepped over to the measuring stand.


    He waved at the casual skirt and blouse she''d worn for me today. "Off with that, please? You can put them on again after," he looked at me, "if you like." She shrugged and gracefully slipped out of her clothes. He waved at her underthings. "Those too, please." Then he turned to me. "Close your eyes, please?"


    "Sure." I closed my eyes. As I stood there, Marie on one arm, I realized exactly how much I''d become accustomed to my scarier than thou son''s creepy nature. I didn''t even tense up with my eyes closed, listening to the clink of metal and the faint crunch and squeak of new leather. I smelled it as well, that viscerally erotic smell. I... felt something.


    "I''m done. You can look, mother."


    I opened my eyes to see my beautiful snow white, platinum blonde Maenad absolutely showcased and set off by thin lines of black leather. Nothing concealed in the slightest. Lift and separate indeed. "Mother. Stepmother-to-be. Do you like it?"


    She looked at herself and got the tiniest little moue. Then I reached through that feeling I''d had and every so gently squeezed. Her eyes shot open and her head started bobbing. "YES."


    I smiled. "I think she likes it."


    He tilted his head. "But do you?"


    "Son, if I liked it even slightly more I''d be asking you if you minded me making a mess of your Workshop."


    He smiled and turned to leather harness clad Marie. "Would you like to put it back in its case to..." Before he half finished his sentence, she had her blouse and skirt back on. No idea what she''d done with her underthings. Eaten them, possibly. I might have been understandably distracted. "Well then, let''s go. Stepmother-to-be, could you return these to the Homestead? All except the bottom box?" He waved to a stack of five boxes, the top one standing open.


    "Why five?"


    "For your five High Priestesses, of course. I''ll confirm the Lady Crow''s measurements when she comes in to be fit for her Holy Garb."


    I couldn''t think of a damn thing to say that wouldn''t make the situation worse in some way, so I somehow managed to do the impossible and keep my damn mouth shut except to say, "to the Overlord''s Keep, then!"


    I stepped the three of us down there, the unharnessed Marie taking the boxes back to the Homestead and collect Ria and Isnomi for us. We arrived in the Court Chamber, and Tallulah looked up from her current supplicant. "Goddess. After the briefest of pauses, she said, "have I displeased you?"


    I didn''t even stop to think. "No, of course not."


    "Have any of my Court done so?"


    I shrugged. "Not that I''ve heard of."


    "Then with all due respect," oddly enough she sounded like she absolutely meant that, "why have you brought him?"


    "Oh! I''ve brought my son to measure his sisters'' Steeds for proper tack."


    When she said ''Goddess'', every eye in the room had turned toward me. Then slowly, inexorably slid sideways to the creepy little bastard standing next to me, his posture as he faced Tallulah the absolute perfect posture of ''deference due a peer in her throne room''. Which, to be honest, was really overdoing the politeness, but I wasn''t about to quibble with him being too polite. When I mentioned ''his sisters'' and ''proper tack'', a collective shudder rolled through the room.


    Conrad just smiled and quietly said, "proper Mortal worship might not have quite the power to which I am accustomed, but it is decidedly refreshing." Then he nodded as Marie appeared with Ria and Isnomi. He held out his hands to them and said, "will you show me your Steeds, sisters?"


    They took his hands and Ria led us out to the stables. I''d say you could hear a pin drop as we left, but Tallulah was already calling her court back to order. I had the feeling that anyone who had planned to perhaps give her even the slightest measure of shit today decided to do otherwise.


    The Steeds certainly decided that Conrad was also Not Someone To Fuck With, because despite him getting all up around them measuring them for tack, none of them moved in the slightest unless he asked them to. Then they did precisely what he said, nothing more, nothing less. In fact, when he moved on from the first one, Ria stepped over and quietly asked, "may I stroke your face?" I saw it glance at Conrad, then Menace, then the other Steeds. I saw the exact moment when it thought, ''fuck it'' and lowered it''s fuckin'' face to let her gently, carefully run her hand down it. I''m not sure if it closed it''s eyes in shame, resignation, or pleasure, but it gave not the slightest hint that it was going to do anything else but stand there and be petted.


    Not sure whether I was more amused by literal Nightmares being terrified of my kids, or them more or less ignoring me. Downsides of Blend, I guess.


    When we returned him to his Workshop, Conrad had one more package for me. A box, just about the size you''d expect to contain a sword. "Is that?" He nodded. I smiled, thinking of my Kitten and her requests. "Thanks, son."


    "You''re not going to look at it?"


    I shrugged. "She might be watching, I want it to be a surprise."


    When we got home and Saffron arrived from work, I waved her over to sit in my lap for dinner. The moment she did, I Co-Located us to the Bedroom. "Oh, my. So forward."


    I smiled at her. "Got something for you." I banished Glowing Midnight and opened up the box with her harness in, pulling it out and showing it to her. Her lips pursed, like she wasn''t sure what to think of it. Mittens? Could you?


    Marie arrived a second later, and when she saw what I was holding, her uniform vanished, revealing her own identical outfit underneath. I gave her a quick harness based squeeze, and her tongue lolled out of an open mouthed grin. "Nice."


    The moment I did that, Saffron blinked, then said, "lovely Marie, could you assist me?"


    Mittens had that leather on her faster than I thought possible, in place and snugged down. She looked at me, smiling yet somehow vaguely disappointed. I grinned at her and said, "I''m too tired for proper Penance tonight, Kitten."


    "But I..."


    I squeezed just the tiniest bit, and her words cut off with a gasp. "So it''ll have to wait until after you and I play hooky tomorrow."

 Day Five Hundred And Fifty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    I know I talk about this a lot, but I''m really not sure if I''m the right person to be the Moral Compass for our little group. I mean, Saffron certainly seems to know more about ethics and philosophy and everything else other than wrecking shit than me. Siobhan is possibly the nicest person it''s been my pleasure to meet, let alone swap body fluids with. Marie is probably the closest to me in overall temperament, but she''s got three thousand years of experience on me. So no matter what situation we run into, she''s probably seen it, or something similar enough that it''s not incredibly different.


    Thing is, Marie is fundamentally passive. Or maybe the right word is reactive. Spending over three hundred years just doing Cadets'' laundry when she''s clearly more than a match for any given Cadet on the field, not to mention most Heroes from just about anywhere is a bit of a hint about that. Oh, what she did when I set her loose on Ares'' Priests shows that she''s not really passive, and she''s definitely not a pushover, but if her current situation isn''t actively hurting her or someone she cares about, she''s likely to let it go on. Kinda reminds me of me pre-Isekai. I think maybe it''s an ingrained fear that no matter how shitty the survivable situation you''re in is, trying to change it might wind up with it being even worse.


    Siobhan... Siobhan''s an absolute fucking delight, and I say that unironically and in every way I can think of. But at the same time she is passive. Yeah, when given some encouragement she''ll stand up and say ''down with the Undead'', but she went from ''grr, I Smite them all'' to ''I can fix them'' in zero point zero seconds flat when it became clear that she could, in fact, fix them. She''s very cautious, very kind, very sweet. If Saffron and I weren''t here busting up the status quo and building a new sustainable one, she''d have lived her life out in the Infirmary, doing her best to keep Cadets in one piece long enough for them to become Heroes, at which point they''d wind up in pieces too far from her to help.


    Then Saffron. It always comes back to Saffron. I love her, she''s my missing pieces, she''s everything I never knew I wanted and needed, but... Maybe I am too, for her. Maybe my fucked up cereal box Moral Compass, even now that I''ve cleaned the gunk out, refilled the fluid, and sealed the cracks, is better than her complete lack of one. Because I''ve come to realize that she really doesn''t have one. Prior to my arrival, Diana was her Moral Compass. If Diana had said, ''give me your kid so I can kill her'', I think she would have handed Isnomi over. It probably would have broken her. Holy shit, broken her differently than Diana stealing Isnomi away and sacrificing her in a fit of pique, but it still would have broken her. But I think part of why Saffron studies ethics and philosophy and religion so zealously is because she doesn''t have that little thing inside her saying ''this is right, that is wrong''. Just ''these are mine, I do a protecc''.


    So yeah, I''m the one who gets to say where the lines are. Per an agreement that I''m terrified by, even as the details attract and repulse me, I''m the one who enforces those rules. Which since Saffron is too ashamed to had me an itemized list of what she''s done wrong, means I''ve got to come up with legitimate punishments that make her feel like she''s not slipping further into being her worst self when she''s Imperator. Because while I''m ninety nine percent sure that even though she loves the job, she finds herself doing things she knows I''d be horrified by, I''m one hundred percent sure that I wouldn''t trust anyone else to do it both right and well and the way I want it done. So I can''t take it away from her, but I have to find some way to make it clear that she is, in fact, being punished.


    Weird thing, I''m not sure she''s really masochistic the way I am. Holy shit, I just thought that inside my own head without couching it with jokes or anything. Yeah, it took an absolute virtuoso of pain to make me realize it, but I''m so used to pain being part of life that when I know it''s just pain, not an actual life threatening or crippling injury, I think I notice the endorphin spike more than I notice the actual hurting. Shit, at this point my subconscious feels that hurt when Marie or Saffron are doing their thing, and it starts letting loose the happy chemicals, because it knows what comes next.


    But that''s not Saffron. For her it''s psychological. She''s not exactly amoral, but her morals come from me. So when she does something because her choices are doing something I wouldn''t approve of or failing to do her duty as Imperator, which is something I told her to do, trusted her with, she winds up taking what I guess is the path of least guilt, maybe. The past of least Evil might be a way to describe it, if I really thought my Moral Compass pointed to Good and Evil. I guess maybe ''path of least Consent violation''. At any rate, she can''t bring herself to admit to every little detail, or maybe there are so many little details that she thinks I''d wind up horrified, or bored. So she asks me for blanket punishment, expecting me to hurt her, to mete out the consequences on her body, since we both know I won''t hurt her heart, and breaking what she''s building... What she''s building, even with all its flaws, is still the best option either of us see.This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    So, yeah, yesterday I told her I''d be delivering some Penance after sunset today, because I remembered saying I wanted to play hooky with her after we liberated Calverton, and I''m not sure we ever really got to. I don''t remember doing so at any rate. Yeah, we took vacation days, I guess, and there was the whole Yule holiday, but I think everybody was more or less officially off work those days, even if they weren''t actually off work those days. But today I was scheduled for Physical Training, and she had a full day of Imperatoring and Archmaging planned.


    As I pulled her to me in the Bath, she murmured, "I''ll need to tell the Grand Council."


    "No the fuck you will not. Marie can take the message to them. Or Tallulah. Or Siobhan. Or I''ll show up and tell them, if you think they need the reminder."


    She just smiled, rolled over to lay on top of me, letting all that squish press against my belly. "Reminder of what?"


    "That their options do not include ''going back to bickering nobles ruled over by capricious Gods. They can have a hyper-competent Tyrant trying to build a real nation, or they can have me."


    "Oh, and you''re worse than me?"


    i shrugged. "Oh, I''d probably be easier to bullshit, but if someone outmaneuvers you I think you''ll nod, learn, do damage control, and keep working towards our goals. If someone does that to me I''ll just kill them. Probably in some kind of messy, fucked up way."


    She lay her cheek against my breasts. "How poorly they know us."


    I shrugged. "Yeah, but if they''re scared of me they work with you. And you get shit done, where I''d forget half of it. Also, I''d waste resources in a fit of pique."


    "And I wouldn''t?"


    I smiled at her. "Nope. You know I''d be disappointed in you, so you don''t."


    She pursed her lips and pouted. "No fair being so right all the time."


    I laughed, and we snuggled and talked about nothing much.


    Soup Dumpling Saffron laughed as she tried unseriously to escape my Maw, and all my other ladies kept pushing her back in. I think I might have been upset on waking had she not been laughing joyfully, uproariously the entire time.


    Caught her trying to sneak off to work in the morning, scooped her up, and carted her off to the East Tower. "Don''t make me take your Translocation away, naughty Kitten."


    "Aw..."


    "Because then I can''t do this." I reached inward, took hold of her, and plonked one of her under each of my arms as we sat on the edge of the uppermost roofed floor, a warm fire at our backs. We spent quite a while right there, talking about nothing much at all. Eventually the kids found us. Both of us were so proud when they did; not so much for the finding, but the conversation that followed.


    "Ma, Mama, why you hiding up hewe?"


    I snickered as one of my Saffrons said, "we''re not hiding, we''re enjoying the view. And we were enjoying the peace and quiet."


    She snorted. "Bowing."


    At that point the real pride kicked in, because Maze chuckled and said, "she''s just mad because it takes so long to walk up those stairs." The way she emphasized the word ''walk'' painted the picture clearer than anything that despite everything, they were still adhering to the safety rules we''d set about stairs back at Lancaster House.


    "Well, I guess if our Menace walked all the way up here to get us, we can head down and play with the kids for the afternoon. After we all have lunch. Right Kitten?"


    Saffron smiled at me. "I suppose."


    So we all trooped down and wound up playing kid running games around the courtyard. A couple skinned knees when kids hit ice patches were the worst of the injuries for the day, which made me realize that no matter what we did, the kids were still gonna find ways to mangle themselves in new and creative fashions. If we managed to box them into a permanently safe little cocoon, I''m not sure they''d come out the deadly little butterflies they ought to anyhow. So Saffron and I kissed booboos and dispensed hugs in between bouts of running around like mad people ourselves.


    Finally, late in the day, I pulled Saffron in for a hug and squeezed her new harness just a little. "Soon, Kitten. When the kids are asleep. But first," Siobhan?


    Yes, Goddess?


    Knock off just a little early and meet us in the Bedroom? Got a present for you.


    So I got to watch as Saffron got to put Siobhan''s harness on her. At which point Ice Pop looked at me and said, "don''t you have one?"


    I shrugged. "Conrad didn''t make one for me." I squeezed her just the tiniest bit, a naughty remote hug. "Can''t think of why."


    She giggled. "I know exactly why."


    Saffron tilted her head and said, "so enlighten the rest of us?"


    "If Tabitha could do that to herself, she''d never leave the Bedroom."

 Day Five Hundred And Fifty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    Sometimes I''m really not sure if how healthy our relationship is. But then I think about how pre-isekai, I got bombarded with all the bullshit about ''healthy'' relationships being exclusively one man and one woman who have sex to procreate. Yeah, a lot of the ''sex to procreate'' had gotten dropped by the time I started paying attention, but if you looked around there were still asshats trying to peddle that shit. Thing is, all of it is leftover puritanism, that idea that anything that feels good must be evil. The ''must be hetero'' was still a back and forth battle when I died, but the ''two, no more, no less'' still hadn''t really been challenged on a societal level.


    I''m sure there are people who back there who would argue with me, and maybe in the year or so since I left things have changed for the better. Maybe people have finally accepted that marriage ought to be about mutual support and intimacy, not a license to fuck. But for those folks who kept telling me that society wasn''t brutally mono-normative, I''d just have one question: can they and two partners get a marriage license that lists all three of them as spouses?


    Shit, if codifying that in law is the only positive benefit I have here, so long as we don''t do it by making something else the scapegoat, I''d be cool with that. Of course, I''ve said that about a lot of shit. Then again, I guess for a kid who grew up being bombarded with evidence that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn''t make a difference, even making a single lasting change for the better would be enough, I think. It sure as shit would be more than I ever expected as a kid. Fuck, it might have been more than I expected back when I signed up to be a Cadet.


    Kinda lost in the weeds there, though. My point, and I did have one, is that I think I''ll always worry about our relationship, because some tiny portion of me is always going to look at the Sapphic, look at the Poly, look at the Kink and just refuse to let go of the idea that there must be some kind of something wrong. Thing is, I can''t let myself think that just because I have that part of me that I need to ignore, because it''s utter bullshit, that it''s not possible for something to be wrong. Because while kink is just chasing euphoria, some of the kinks that Saffron and I get into could turn real bad, real fast, and I will not let that happen. I would rather end myself than do that.


    Of course, I might have hit on the core of the thing when I mentioned ''scapegoat''. The thing I''m worried about, of course, is that I''m going to wind up actually abusing Saffron. Because if anything last time we did the penance thing she seemed just a tiny bit disappointed that it wasn''t... that it didn''t hurt enough. Not enough physical pain to assuage the guilt of her doing what she has to do. Stuff that if she told me, I might forbid her to do. Which means the fact that she''s doing it anyway means that somehow she sees not doing it as leading to some kind of worse end, like the Alliance falling apart in some kind of way that leaves the worst of the Gods and elites back in charge. Or maybe worse than that, those same wealthy abusive exploitative assholes gaining control of the Alliance, turning it from the last best hope for actual freedom and progress into some kind of... Evil Empire.


    Shit, I''m pretty sure that''s exactly how anybody in Europa who knows about us describes us.


    Thing is, when I mentioned ''scapegoat'', the whole point of a scapegoat is to take the punishment for someone else. Saffron won''t do that. Not exactly. But she can''t stop doing what she''s doing, or she would. I believe that, anyhow. But she can''t let it go unpunished. So in a way, she''s her own scapegoat. Her punishment is private, between she and me and our ladies, where no one else in the Alliance will realize that she might hesitate. But it''s got to be real for all that. It''s got to hurt in ways she can''t ignore.


    At the same time, I need to make sure at the end that she knows I still love her, trust her, support her. That despite her self-perceived imperfections, she still has my absolute trust and faith.


    I hope I don''t fuck it up.


    So last night after I put Siobhan in her new harness, fully expecting that I''d never get the fuckin'' thing off her, we all swapped a little spit before dinner. No more than that, because I absolutely told them no, and wonder of wonders Saffron backed me and the other two didn''t so much as offer a pro forma complaint. The dinner Marie brought us was light, especially what she fed Saffron and Siobhan.


    Should I be worried? thought Saffron.


    Probably.


    What about me? chimed in Siobhan.


    Oh, no, Darling. You''ve been nothing but good.


    So... tonight? Saffron asked. I nodded, and her shoulders slumped, a tiny sigh of relief slipping out of her.


    When we finished dinner, we took the kids through the Bath, but just a quick one with a short soak. The ladies banished their harness for the occasion, which left me grateful. I did not need to know whether or not Isnomi thought they were ''silly'' interfering tonight. We pulled all seven of them into the middle of our pile, with us around the outside, barely touching. When all of them had clearly fallen asleep, I Translocated all four of us to the Bedroom.


    "May I show you something before we begin?" asked Saffron.


    I frowned. "Sure."


    The next moment she stood there in Glowing Midnight''s lingerie and boots, her harness interwoven through it. It juxtaposed perfectly, because of course it did. Fuckin'' Conrad, fuckin'' with me again. I promised myself unspecified treats for keeping the smile off my face and not becoming a thoughtless pile of horniness and drool. "That is, in fact, very nice. But for now, put it away, all except the harness."


    "Yes, love."


    I pulled a blindfold and bindings from the drawer and tossed them to Marie. "Could you, Mittens?" She nodded and had Saffron blindfolded, arms bound behind her, before I managed to open the box with the new toy I''d had Conrad make. When she finished, she laid one claw tip each on Saffron''s thigh and calf and raised an eyebrow. I shook my head, and she nodded.


    "What are we doing?" asked Siobhan.


    "Saffron''s Penance, for doing things as Imperator that she feels guilt over. Your reward, for Concubining above and beyond the call of duty." She frowned just the slightest bit, and I reached up and touched one fingertip to her temple. "There will be orgasms." I paused, then, drawing that finger down her jaw. "Especially for you, Darling."


    Her ass hit the bed with an audible thump. I turned to Marie and said, "on the bed, on her knees, legs spread, upright please." As she posed Saffron, I got the box open and pulled out my new toy. I''d seen them in porn and sex shops, but I''d never actually owned a flogger before. This one still smelled of new leather, and as the tails brushed against each other as I ran them through my hand, I knew exactly what kind of leather it was.


    "What''s that?"


    "A new toy. Got it for punishing little Kittens when they tell me they need it, but... did you want to try?"


    She stood up and stepped closer, a kind of horrified fascination in her voice when she said, "which end?"


    "Either. Both. This is your reward, after all."


    "Should I be worried, Siobhan?" Saffron asked, a smile clear in her voice.


    I wasn''t going to be nice to her until it was time to be nice to her, so I pulled the gag dangling off the handle of the flogger and tossed it to Marie. "What you should be," I said just a little harshly. "Is silent unless you''re asked a question." She opened her mouth to reply, and Marie had the gag in place before she could say anything. She still made some annoyed Kitten noises, but we both knew she could make herself heard if she needed to. We also both knew she wouldn''t, even if she did. Which is what still worried me.


    No time for that now. I focused on Siobhan. "Do you want to try? Either?"


    She bit her lip, then turned half away from me, glanced down at her pert little ass, and nodded. "Please."


    I swung the flogger lazily, slowly, letting the weighted leather do the work. She let out a gasp as the tails thudded into her ass, her thighs, a few tips smacking into the back of her knees. I waited for her response. After a moment, she shook her head. "That''s very, um, interesting. But not for me."


    "Okay." I flipped the flogger over, holding the handle out to her and nodding to Saffron. "Did you want to try the other end?"


    "I... I''m not sure I could."


    I leaned over the end of the bed, mirroring her position from moments before. "Oh, hey, I''ve never gotten a chance to be on this end of one of these, and I''m totally into that shit, so go ahead."


    She frowned, a cute little moue. "No, I..." She stopped, horrified, reaching out toward the handle. "I''m sorry, mistress. Of course I''ll..."


    She stopped as her hand gripped the handle, but I didn''t let go. I shook my head. "No, Ice Pop. For you, tonight is all about what you want. What you enjoy. Part of that can be learning about new things, but only if you want that."


    "May... May I try that some other time, then?"


    I smiled at her, standing and cupping her cheek with my hand. "I think I''d be kinda disappointed if you don''t at some point."


    She giggled as she leaned into my hand. "I''ll be certain to do that then. But not tonight?"


    "Nope. Not tonight. Do you want to watch, to see what it''s like?"


    "Maybe?"


    I nodded. "Well, got to get started with our guilty Kitten''s punishment at some point." I turned, swinging the flogger as I did. Not gently this time. I brought it across Saffron''s breasts, hitting them hard enough to make them bounce, enough to make a woman who hadn''t flinched at danger close artillery barrages jerk away. Or try to, since Marie''s claws sill held her in position. I really tried to ignore the sudden surge of guilt, both from the whimpering moan that made it past the gag and the sudden slickness in my nethers. I twisted my hand and, as angry red lines showed up across my Kitten''s breasts, slapped her between her thighs with the tails of my new toy. No questioning or denying it this time, the way I felt her eyes bulge under the blindfold definitely lit a fire in my lady bits.


    "Tabitha." Siobhan''s voice froze me in place for an instant before I turned to her.


    "Oh, sweet Ice Pop. It bothers you?" She nodded. "I''m sorry. This night''s supposed to be all about feeling good for you. So..." I scooped her up with one arm and Co-Located, Translocating her away with me. Saffron made a quiet interrogative whimper. "You had a question?"


    May I watch?


    I''d thought about this, and I knew my answer was the only one that I could give, but it still wandered very close to that edge I didn''t want to cross. "Hmm... Let me think about that a second. Do you remember your safe word? She nodded without speaking. "Do you think you deserve to watch?" The first taste of salt touching the blindfold sent a shudder of anticipation through me as she shook her head, a single negative jerk. "Well then. I''m going to be punishing you while I''m rewarding you. But since I don''t know exactly what you''ve done, I can''t say exactly how much punishment is enough." I paused. "Enough to make you feel like you deserve to watch, at least." I lunged forward, my mouth next to her ear. "Because we both know enough to satiate me would leave me having to look for a replacement to do your job."


    I realized exactly how much switching roles fit us both when I tasted sweat and slight sourness from the two lines of leather between her legs. I pulled back. "Now, I''ve got plans for these," I slapped her tits with the flogger again. "And this." I twitched those lines of leather, holding her open as I tapped her between the legs with the flogger. "So Marie, if you would?" I made a circular motion, and Marie turned Saffron to face the wall. Another point and wave, and she bent her over forward until her face pressed into the mattress. "Just so you understand. No orgasms for you until I say so. Understood?" She nodded. "Now, let''s see how much you can bruise before I break skin."This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.


    I don''t know if it''s Mimic''s darkness or my own natural freak, but each and every muffled squeal just made it better.


    Atop the West Tower, I pulled Siobhan into a kiss. When I pulled away I asked, "so, do you want to ask, or do you just want me to do unto you?"


    She smiled up at me, arms around my neck where she''d slipped them while we kissed. "You have never failed to please me, my Hero. Take me."


    "Limits?"


    She looked at me, suddenly serious. "None. I Consent to everything and anything, and ask only that you bring me to heights of Ecstasy I''ve yet to experience."


    I grinned down at her. "That''s a tall fuckin'' order. Fortunately," I spun her around and shoved her over the railing, catching her calf when she hit the optimal helpless railing position. "This is a tall fuckin'' tower." She gasped, squealed in mingled fear and lust. I slipped my free hand between her legs, spreading her open, slipping first one finger, then two inside. "Mind if I ask a question?"


    "Of course not, my Hero," she half moaned, a shiver running through her as my fingers slid out of her.


    Her position on the railing just begged for railing. I shapeshifted just enough to do that particular job, positioned myself and said, "well then." I let go of her completely long enough to shift my hands to her thighs; she tipped forward the tiniest bit as I did that, and every bit of her tensed up. One particular bit got even wetter than I''d made her with my fingers, and I took that as an invitation to lift my hands just a hair, then slam myself into her shoving her forward until she caught on my hands. I lost myself in the sensation of her surrounding me, of alternating burning heat and icy cold as I did unto her as Saffron had done unto me, only with a lot more ''dangling over the drop''.


    "The answer is..." I slammed home and she gasped. "Just make me..." Another gasp. "Come before..." Gasp. "You drop me."


    I laughed as I kept railing her, a sudden alteration to my plan taking shape. Co-Locating to do some Shaping, I said, "kinda wanted to ask about the pain thing." I paused, enjoying the sensation of her clenching every time I slammed her the tiniest bit further over the edge before catching her yet again. "Your boundaries, I respect them. Tryna define them. Doesn''t this sting a little?"


    Her words punctuated by gasps with every stroke, she answered. "Pain is spice to pleasure. But pain alone does nothing for me."


    "So if this gets a little rough?"


    She curled her legs up behind my arms. "My Hero''s Passion is spicy sometimes. I''ve yet to get my fill."


    I laughed out loud as I let myself go just a little. I might have even done a bit more shapeshifting, just to get the size perfect for my sweet little Ice Pop. I shoved her right up to the edge of orgasm, but she didn''t quite tip over. "Darling?"


    She shuddered, but said, "yes, Tabitha?"


    "Close?"


    "Oh, Goddess yes."


    "Anything imperfect?"


    "This..."


    I smiled at her and, not letting go, slid slowly out and back in. "Go on, tell me. Your night. Perfective modifications on the fly and everything."


    "The rail is very cold."


    I''d thought of that long before we started. I hummed a little, then said, "well then." I flipped my arms around, grabbed her ankles, and flipped her over the side of the rail headfirst. The frantic lust in her terrified shriek overwhelmed the terror when I caught her with my tentacles, one wrapped around each calf, one sliding right down into her as I shapeshifted back. I pulled her up and over so I could kiss her while I fucked her. She whimpered with need, and I laughed as we kissed. Then I gently shoved her shoulders away, dangling her just beyond arm''s reach past the rail. I never stopped sliding out of her, then slamming back in, each stroke giving her the tiniest moment of freefall.


    "Goddess," she panted.


    "Yeah?" I leaned on the railing and watched, fascinated by the mingled fear and desire painted so clearly on her face.


    "So. Close." One word leaked from her with each stroke. "So. Cold."


    "Oh, you''re cold?" She whimpered. "Should we take this somewhere warmer?"


    "Yes. Please."


    A moment later humid warmth surrounded us, condensation forming instantly across both our bodies. "Open your eyes, Darling."


    A smile curled her lips before she did. Then she looked down. The drop below just as far as before, but this one ended in a place she''d normally seen only in dreams. My Maw. I hovered over to her, looking down at her joyful, lustful, terrified face. "Don''t worry, I remember. Don''t drop you until after you come, right?" Her eyes got wider, and her smile went absolutely feral. "Mind if I do to?"


    I lowered myself, sliding closer to her as I held her there until I could lean forward and slide my hand, my fingers still slick from her, over her labia, one finger slipping under her hood to massage her adorable little clit. She grabbed at me, her mouth seeking me, her hands doing the same. I realized how much her terror turned me on, how much I''d been reacting to Saffron''s pain, when my passionate little Ice Pop managed to slide two fingers, three, then her entire hand up inside, her tongue never stopping where it licked at me.


    "Careful," I moaned as I was anything but while I fucked her, letting her slip moment to moment, tentacles slippery with condensation, with her sweat, with how wet she''d become. "You''re. Fuck, you''re really fuckin'' good. Fuck. I''m gonna... gonna..." I came. She came. Ever dedicated to the bit, I managed to hold back my verbal word salad in favor of moaning out, "oops."


    I swear listening to her mingled terror and pleasure as she plummeted just made me come harder. One long, lung emptying, moaning scream as she fell face first, not slowing until she hit the Air Shield a few yards above the Maw itself. She slid sideways, panting, eyes wild, legs still twitching, until the Air Shield gave out and dropped her another yard or so into my arms. She looked up at me, whites showing all around her irises. "Too much?"


    She whined, then panted out one word at a time. "Came... So... Hard..."


    I laughed with joy at how Terror and Ecstasy had erased every bit of everything else from her expression.


    The faintest taste of Saffron''s blood didn''t hurt, either.


    I paused, soaking in the taste on my tails. Then I asked, "did you see?"


    She whimpered out, I want to come that hard.


    I chuckled. "Well then. Since I don''t want you scarred up by this," I leaned over my Kitten''s back. Bruises, some angry red, some already purpling, covered her from her shoulders to her knees. Shaping a Spell Siobhan had shown me, one she''d tried and failed to use on me while teaching me the limits of Heal Injury, I traced my finger across each place where her skin had split. Ameliorate Scars closed up external wounds and prevented scarring. I traced it across, my touch and my Mana feather light, closing her cuts with a Shape that would prevent them from re-opening. She whimpered as I did. I nodded to Marie, who lifted her when I was done.


    I slipped off the bed, pulled out the saddle, slipped a new attachment onto it, and slid a pair of fascina onto that. I slipped it under where Marie dangled her, then said, "impale her."


    Saffron whined as the edges of her bruises slapped against the saddle, where the fascina plunged into her. "Now, your penance isn''t done, you realize." She whimpered. I slipped my thumb across the control that slipped the fascina closer together, until the second one pressed against her mound. She whined as I started them vibrating. "Guess where that''s going?"


    My ass?


    I laughed with awful joy, both at the fear and anticipation in her mental voice. "Oh, that would be fun. But no, not yet."


    I collapsed into myself, Siobhan in my arms. "Darling, would you help Saffron with her Penance?"


    "Pain?" she sighed.


    "Nope. Kinda the opposite."


    "Please."


    I slid the fascina apart just enough, then gently lowered Siobhan onto it. Then pushed them back together the tiniest bit, holding my littler ladies together, face to face, breast to breast, belly to belly, clit to clit. "Okay, then. I need you to not do something for me, Darling."


    "Yes?"


    "Don''t come." She made a quiet little interrogative whine, and I laughed again. "The longer you hold out, the bigger your reward when Saffron''s Penance is done."


    "Okay then. No getting off the saddle, no running away. Just hold out as long and hard as you possibly can." I turned to Saffron, who wriggled just a little as I turned up the vibration. "Ready for the final portion of your Penance, the act you must complete to earn my full forgiveness?" She nodded. "Make our Darling come."


    She froze, then writhed into action. Marie looked at me with undisguised respect as I crawled onto the bed, kneeling next to my Kitten and my Concubine as the former, using nothing but her hips and breasts and nuzzling Siobhan''s neck, worked Siobhan closer and closer to another orgasm, all while Siobhan clearly did her best to let her, to help her even, all while clinging to the edge of her own plummet into ecstasy. I leaned over close to her, as close as I could get without touching. "Oh, Darling. You''re being such a good girl, helping our poor little Kitten with her Penance, even if it risks making your reward a little less sweet. Such. A. Good Girl." I chuckled as she teetered on that edge. "Would you like another little treat? For being such a good girl, such a perfect Concubine?"


    "Yes. Please."


    I reached around behind Saffron''s head and loosened her gag, slipping it out, letting it dangle against her throat, a single line of drool stretching between it and her lips. "Fuck our Kitten''s mouth with your tongue."


    Holy fuck I had not seen someone go that hard into a kiss since... fuck, since the first time Saffron kissed me. Siobhan used her height advantage to tip Saffron''s head back, hands clutching her head, tangled in her hair, tongue thrusting into her. I laughed with absolute uninhibited horny joy as I realized that I wasn''t the only one using just a touch of shapeshifting tonight. Saffron''s throat bulged the tiniest bit where Siobhan''s tongue plunged into it, absolutely fucking her mouth just like I''d told her.


    I lost track of how long I spent watching them writhe, hip against hip, breast against breast, Siobhan distracted just enough by her oral exploration of Saffron to let her balance on that razor''s edge. Eventually, when Saffron''s whimpers were a constant music in my ears, I leaned in and breathed, "are you close, Kitten?"


    Yes.


    "Is it torturous?"


    Yes.


    "Do you want to come?"


    Yes.


    "Do you want my forgiveness?"


    Yes.


    "More than you want to come?"


    Yes!


    "Such a devoted Kitten. Such a devote Imperator, risking all that she loves to do what love has asked of her. Such an obedient Priestess, denying herself to please our Darling." I smiled, my lips brushing Saffron''s ear, when I heard the slightest whimper from Siobhan at hearing me call her Darling yet again. "Saffron, my Imperator, my Priestess, my wife, my Kitten, my love?"


    Yes? she whimpered out.


    "Come for me. Now."


    Her orgasm shook her like an earthquake, and she screamed it into Siobhan''s mouth, moaned it around her still plunging tongue, bucked it against Siobhan''s writhing hips. That proved our Ice Pop''s undoing, as her control shattered. I ran my hands down their backs as my ladies came. I ran my tentacle across the vibration controls as well. Turning them up just a touch, groaning out a chuckle as their shaking shudders redoubled. I did it again, and again, until Siobhan froze, practically vibrating.


    I slipped behind Saffron, my breasts against her tormented back, and not even that could impact her ongoing orgasm. I put one finger on each of Siobhan''s shoulders and gently pushed. Her eyes slid open as she leaned backward just far enough to let us see her face, as her tongue slipped out of Saffron''s mouth to loll against her chin. I stared deep into her eyes, into the windows of her Soul, and watched her pupils fucking vibrating with how fast the waves of orgasm were washing over her. Just as gently, I whispered, "would you like to see what you''ve done, Kitten?"


    Yes.


    I slipped her blindfold off. "Look at what you''ve done. You''ve taken our poor little Darling, our devoted Concubine, and broken her. Shattered her so badly that all she can do is drool and come. You did this, Saffron Aetos-Diaz. Your orgasm, your pleasure, your Ecstasy did this." I leaned into her, my arms going around her, and breathed into her ear. "So beautiful. Good girl."


    Then I slipped a single tentacle down between her thighs and poured Mana, poured live, poured pure pleasure right into her, suffusing her sex as she shuddered. I slipped around so I could see her face as I poured in more, and more, and more, until her mouth went slack and her eyes vibrated in tune with Siobhan''s.


    "Nice." I got a definite twitch from my lady bits at the pure approval and maybe even a little awe coming from Marie.


    "Yeah. I kinda promised myself a treat though. So." I pushed my ladies apart, lifted myself up and lined myself up on Siobhan''s slack jawed grin. "I know you said anything, but this is really kinda selfish, but I want to ride that beautiful face into the fucking mattress, but I don''t want to..."


    I didn''t get to finish as her arms wrapped around my thighs. She''d definitely done some tongue shapeshifting shenanigans, and if her yanking me forward, off balance, wasn''t enthusiastic consent, her tongue absolutely fucking me as hard as it had Saffron''s throat left me with no ability to do anything but collapse forward onto my knees, flopping backwards as I did. Backwards until my shoulders hit Marie''s, where she''d done the same thing with Saffron. I slid sideways and turned my head to look at her. She purred out, "Very. Nice." before her tongue plunged into my mouth.


    I definitely lost track of time. Eventually after moaning yet another orgasm into Marie''s mouth, my natural Trickster nature took over, and I ramped up the vibration, the flow of Mana and life and pleasure into my Kitten and my Darling until both of them were fucking vibrating harder than the fucking fascina. Which made both Marie and I come harder, which just got me more mischievous. So I cut the Mana and the Vibration all at once.


    Both of them went out like a fuckin'' light. One hundred to zero consciousness in zero point zero seconds.


    When Marie and I shuddered to stillness, she pulled away. "Nice."


    I pulled myself off of Siobhan, looked at my ladies, and said, "that doesn''t look comfortable."


    She shrugged, but lifted them both off the saddle gently. Then, while I cleaned up and put the saddle away, she untied Saffron, then arranged the two of them in each other''s arms, a Sapphic still life, as close together as they''d been at the moment of orgasm, but lying on their sides, comfortable propped up with pillows. Also tied together with Saffron''s restraints. Marie, after all.


    "Nice." Marie smiled at me as I echoed her word back at her. "Hey Mittens?" She perked up. "Anything special you''d like me to do on our wedding night?" Her grin got very open mouthed. "Other than Sparagmos. Saffron''s already working on that for us. If it''s safe, I''m sure she''ll tell us."


    When I said ''other than'', she pouted a little, but the pout went away when I reminded her of our Kitten''s efforts, and disappeared into a grin when I confirmed that I would, in fact, do the deed if Saffron declared it Safe Enough. She crawled over to me, then paused right before touching me. "Show?"


    I smiled at her, kissed her, then pulled away and said, "do unto me as you want to be done."


    She flipped me to lay along the edge of the bed, just like she''d done with Siobhan after our date. She pulled out a fascina, but did not, thankfully, slip it in my ass when she slipped it inside me. Then, just like she''d done with Siobhan, she rode me, scissored me, pushing one leg further, further, until like the blast of chemical fire accompanying the insanely intense flavors of really good tandoori, my hip popped clean out of the socket as I screamed. "Coming! Coming! No stopping! Clit ripping consequence!"


    Yeah, verbal word salad levels of awesome.


    Even when without hesitating she flipped me around and did the exact same thing with my other leg.


    When I could speak again, I asked, "so, uh, you''re serious about the ''fuck you until you can''t walk for a month'' aspect of the wedding night, huh?"


    She closed one eye, considering, then grinned and said, "rougher."


    While I choked out some laughter, Saffron murmured, "you''re marrying a Maenad, love. I''ll do my best, but you may need to shoulder most of this burden."


    Stupidest thing ever came out my mouth at that, old charity junk mail repurposed for reasons that would give it''s creators an aneurysm as Goddess and Nature intended. "Burden? Aw, she ain''t heavy," I looked her right in my eye. "She''s my Wife."

 Day Five Hundred And Fifty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    After the other night''s sexcapade, we all slept in the following morning. Okay, I slept in, Saffron and Siobhan slept in, and Marie left one of her in bed with us. Even when we woke up all of us were maybe a lot less active than normal. Siobhan had a kind of loosey goosey goofy grin on her face as she lay there giggling until she had to leave for work. I didn''t have anywhere to be, so I moved slow, vaguely worried that even though Marie had popped my hips back into their proper upright configuration, they might wind up folded around with me all about as capable of movement as a tray table. Look, I''ve got eating on the brain, both because I ate light last night and because Marie had taco for dessert, which I could do nothing about because of nonfunctional hips. Not that I''m complaining. Just weird. Also they felt weird afterward, like I could hit positions now that even my duBois stretching training hadn''t prepped me for.


    Marie slept late and lazy with us because cat. Saffron... oh holy shit Saffron. I definitely felt some kind of way when she woke up groaning. For a second I wondered where she''d found a blanket, and when we''d even gotten a purply black blanket for her to wrap around her. Then I realized that pretty much every inch of her from neck to ankles had purpled up. Before any of the kids could see and ask uncomfortable questions, I rolled over, scooped her up, and Translocated us to deposit her on the Bed.


    "Holy shit, Kitten. I, uh... sorry?"


    A ghost of a grin flashed through the grimace of pain. "Don''t be." When I opened my mouth to apologize again, she said, "I asked you to do this. I needed this. I deserved this."


    "Did you really?" I whispered. At her slow nod, I asked, "why?" She grimaced. "I''m not gonna hold anything against you, I just... I''m not sure I''m comfortable with not knowing what it is you''ve done. I... I think I could forgive anything, but..."


    "Don''t. I don''t want you to forgive me like that. Not without some kind of consequence."


    I sighed. "Yeah, but," I paused, thinking. "I want to make the world a better place. For you. For our kids. For us, maybe. But... that''s just it. I''m not some kind of crusader. Not really. I don''t do it ''because it''s the right thing''. I mean, maybe, yeah, since I''ve got all this power, I''ll use it for good, but my first motivation was to protect our little girl." I smirked. "Kinda like you with becoming an Archmage, really."


    She chuckled, grimaced, and chuckled again. "It was, wasn''t it?" Then she looked a little forlorn. "Are you trying to tell me you won''t do this again?"


    I sighed, then shook my head. "Anything for you, love."


    "What about Isnomi? Or Maze? Or Alex?"


    I smirked. "That''s not fair, and it''s also a stupid question." When she raised an eyebrow, I said, "same motivations, Kitten. You do what you do to protect them."


    She smiled. "True. Very true. I''m sorry, that wasn''t a fair question then. Would you have me let the Alliance fail, then?"


    I thought about that for a second. "No. No, but I don''t want you making those decisions alone. Yeah, you''re so much smarter than me that you''ve probably already thought of everything I could think of, but you''re not omniscient. My Goof Brain might think of a stupid solution that works without moral ambiguity, where your obviously generally superior Kitten Brain gets tangled up in being too clever or something."


    She smiled up at me, and I realized that she''d more or less gotten into the least uncomfortable position possible, then frozen. "Kitten Brain?"


    I nodded solemnly. "Yep. I''d get a laser pointer and make you chase it just to prove my point, but I think you might get trampled by Marie."


    "I think I might need this now and then anyway, Goof."


    "Really?" She nodded. "Okay. New deal, if you''re willing?" She just nodded again, listening. "When you need to do something that you think I''ll disapprove of, because all the other options are worse, you tell me." I tapped my head. "Right then and there."


    "Won''t that just make us both guilty?"


    I shrugged. "So we burn together. Better than... better than you bearing it all until I beat you half to death."


    "Oh, please. This isn''t nearly that far. But... even so, that won''t work."


    "No?"


    "Absolutely not. Because how can you do this to me if I''ve got to do the same to you, if we''re sharing the guilt. Nope, we''ll have to take turns burning if we''re going to share the guilt."


    I lay down next to her and put my arm over her shoulders, hovering it until she said, "it hurts worse to be separate from you, even by inches, Goof." She winced when my arm came down. Winced, but purred while she did it.Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work!


    "Can we go home now, Goof?"


    "I''m not really ready for the questions just yet. You gonna go to work today?"


    She nodded. "I expect tomorrow will be worse. I''ll tell them I''m staying home Thorsday."


    I nodded, then did the insta-dressing trick to put her in Glowing Midnight. When she pouted at me, I asked, "really?" She pouted harder, and I popped her harness under it, then dropped us both into my chair for breakfast. When the kids found us, they reacted to our return with a joyful dogpile. Appropriate, what with them celebrating after us being gone for like two minutes.


    I fed her carefully, then handed her to Marie to deliver to the Grand Council.


    During the day I hopped down to Norfolk for a quick visit with Olga regarding her coronation, then back up to chat with Karen regarding whether the temple had been scheduled for Spring weddings yet. She surprised me when I told her Saffron and I would be marrying Marie.


    "Are you sure, Goddess?"


    I tilted my head. "Sure I want to marry Marie? Hell yes."


    She shook her head. "No, Goddess, that you wish to use this venue."


    "Temple of Love seems a pretty solid fit for marriage to me."


    She smiled. "It would change some people''s views, yes. Although we''ve already had a few people ask me to perform wedding ceremonies for them, and I''ve informed them that my preferred venue is your Temple. By the way, what are your views on appropriate pairings?"


    "So long as they''re all of legal age to sign the contract and doing so willingly, I''m fine with it."


    "All?"


    "All."


    She nodded. "I suspected, but thank you for spelling that out."


    "What about not using the Temple, though?"


    She took a deep breath. "Marie is the unacknowledged heart of Phileo City Heroic Academy, and her influence will be felt throughout the Alliance, with our recent and upcoming graduates moving back to their home Cities to found their own Academies."


    "Yeah. Go on."


    "Saffron Aetos-Diaz is the Imperator of the Alliance."


    I nodded. "Okay."


    "And you are not only the Alliance''s Champion, but its Patron Deity, twice over."


    "So...?"


    She nodded. "So you three really ought be wed in the Temple of Kings."


    I stopped. Thought about it for a second. "I don''t think they''re likely to give us any day we''d want. Any day at all, really."


    She just smiled an impish smile at me. "My Goddess, when did I imply you should ask them?" When my jaw dropped, she followed that up with, "rulers, whether they call themselves Kings or not, generally do not."


    I let out the breath I''d been holding. "I''ll think about it."


    "I will keep every..."


    "Monday."


    "Monday available for your wedding through the Spring Season until and unless you tell me not to."


    I gave her a pat on the shoulder and said, "thanks, Karen."


    "De nada."


    When we got ready for bed, I sat Saffron in my lap, with her wincing at every little movement. When we finished dinner, I looked at her and asked, "You ready for the questions?"


    She just raised an eyebrow as if to say, ''aren''t I always'', and I stepped us up to the Bath, banishing our clothes as I did. I gently scrubbed her down, rinsing pain sweat from her as I did. Other sweat too, but that was a lot more common. I''m not sure if Isnomi was the first to notice Saffron''s bruising, but she was the first to say something.


    "Whad happened, Ma?"


    Saffron just smiled and, wincing, reached out to ruffle our littlest miscreant''s hair. "I did some inappropriate things, and there were some consequences." When our Menace just made an interrogative noise, Saffron sighed and said, "something like a spanking."


    "Whassat?"


    I realized right then, as the rest of the kids turned to stare at Isnomi, that none of us had ever done that to her. I hadn''t realized until that moment that a staple of my childhood had just... missed her. I definitely felt some kind of way, but everything else got overwhelmed with the feeling of ''maybe we didn''t fuck up entirely after all'' when Maze said, "you''ve never been spanked?"


    I leaned into her field of view and said, "have we ever spanked you?" She shook her head. "Even when you tried to drown me?" She shook her head again, her eyes getting a little wide. "What did we do instead?"


    "You... talked to me."


    "And?"


    "Asked me why I''d done it." She paused. "Found out what was wrong, and made it right."


    I nodded. "Menace, did we spank you when you stabbed me?"


    The other kids looked at our littlest with a kind of horrified awe as she shrugged and said, "no."


    "So what did we do instead?"


    "Tole me box brudda is nod a toy."


    "And?"


    "Tole me thewe wud be conthequentheth if I pwayed with him."


    I nodded. "If you break a rule you know about, there are consequences. Which ought to be spelled out as part of the rule. But if you don''t know the rules, it''s not fair to give you consequences if you break them, is it?"


    The kids just shook their heads, murmuring until Ria stepped up and asked Saffron, "did you break a rule?"


    I felt Saffron wince as I lifted her to carry her to the tub, and again as she nodded. "I did. Many rules. Many times."


    "Why?"


    I never failed to be amazed how Saffron could face tank that question without hesitation. "Because each and every time, every other option I could see wound up with more people being hurt."


    "So... you broke the rules because the other options had worse consequences?"


    Saffron nodded again as I lowered her into the water, wincing then sighing with relaxation as the water hit. "Yes."


    "But you still get the consequences of breaking rules?"


    I lowered Saffron into the water to let it soothe her aching, then turned to Ria. "Yeah. Yeah, she does. Because if there were no consequences, or if being justified negated them, people would be trying to say how their situation justified their rule breaking all the time. So yeah, sometimes you break the rules because you have to, but you do so knowing that eventually, when you''re done, you''ll face the consequences of breaking those rules."


    "Truth." Marie announced as she arrived and stripped down to join us in the bath.


    Isnomi shook her head and announced to the world at large, "Thank you, Mama."


    "What for?"


    "Tewwing me nod to gwow up. Gwown upth awe too siwwy. I''mma nod do thad."


    Kitten?


    Yes, love?


    Did you just turn your own punishment for rule-breaking into another decade of us not having to worry about the kids growing up?


    She laughed into my head, the sound pure and clear despite the agony of her back. No, love.


    Oh. I wasn''t sure what to think of that.


    A year or two at most.


    What can I say? Oh. Yeah. My chick bad. Badder than yours. Even when momming.

 Day Five Hundred And Fifty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    I''m glad Saffron and I had that talk about her penance thing. Like, if she needs that to keep herself from bending to the pressures Lancaster and Ophelia and their inevitable successors and supporters must constantly be putting on her, to steel herself to speak to them in the only language they won''t willfully ignore, then I''ll provide it. It''s the least I can do when she''s doing a job that I not only don''t want to do, I''m not sure I have the ability to do. So from now on she''ll tell me when she hits one of those situations. Hopefully. Like, I''m sure she wouldn''t deliberately lie to me, but I''m not so sure that she wouldn''t subconsciously lie to herself. Tell herself that some compromise she''s making is something I''d just find distasteful rather than outright anathemic.


    Don''t get me wrong, I understand that those kinds of things really do exist. They''re the political equivalent of doing really skeevy dishes, or taking out the garbage when something inside has died and rotted, and the bag itself is kind of iffy. Chores that are nasty and unpleasant, but not actively immoral. I mean, at the lightest level of that I guess I would list working with Ophelia and Lancaster. Especially Ophelia, since Lancaster at least seems to have the integrity to hold himself to his own rules, even if I think some of those rules and some of the values that lie underneath them are sort of shit. Ophelia, on the other hand...


    Y''know, I just realized my distaste for Ophelia is pretty fuckin'' superficial. I had more reason to hate Lancaster on first meeting him than I did her, yet working with him for the length of a military campaign showed me that while I''d never want to socialize with the asshole, he''s far from dedicated to exploitative abuse of those subordinate to him. Shit, I think his reaction to Larry taking charge and taking steps to correct Lancaster House''s misogyny problem may have been the tipping point from me, the thing that shifted me from ''Lenny needs a Mana Blade enema'' to ''ugh, him''. I''m not sure I want to understand his thought process, but for him all the awfulness he purveyed as Lord Lancaster was just... the best way he saw to do things. The fact that Larry''s convincing argument was ''my way will yield better results'' kind clinched that for me.


    Ophelia, on the other hand, is just the living personification of an entitled privileged bitch. Like, back in the day, I''d have called her a ''typical white girl''. Which probably wasn''t fair, since not all white girls are rich or even entitled. Here and now, though, she was definitely Dan entitlement, privilege, and wealth as a person. Thing is, at least once, probably more than once, I remember her justifying her position on something with an argument that wasn''t pure selfishness or cowardice. I mean, it was an argument that didn''t hold water back in the day, but here and now ''we only have enough resources to implement plans that are going to work'' isn''t total bullshit.


    Anyhow, going forward I hope I can maybe do Saffron''s Penance as a maybe less intense thing that the other night. Like, make her ass glow like Rudolph''s nose, then give her a ''hurt almost too much to come'' orgasm rather than beating her bloody and leaving her post-orgasm paralyzed with involuntary ahegao face. Okay, look, if she comes to me and says ''beat me bloody, not because I feel guilty and need penance, but because that got me off so hard I would willingly risk death to climax that intensely tonight'', I''m pretty sure I wouldn''t be able to say no. But that''s kinda the opposite of Siobhan''s ''I''ll accept a little pain along with the pleasure''; it''s ''the more intense the pain, the more intense the pleasure'', which I just realized I kinda relate to. Like, Saffron may have been right about me enjoying it in and of itself, not as some kind of lingering guilt or something.


    So yesterday I played hooky from class again. This time actually skipping a class I''d signed up for with an actual teacher, rather than skipping a day when I''d signed up to run around exercising on the Practice Yard. Of course, I had a serious reason to do. Okay, last time was serious, but that''s because I wanted to spend a day connecting with my Kitten before spending a night disconnecting her consciousness from her motor skills via intensity of sexual climax. This time was serious because I wasn''t going to give up my Sister Siobhan seduction for anything as ultimately meaningless as perfect attendance in a class I didn''t strictly need to take.If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.


    Of course she frowned at me when she got home, flopping herself onto my lap and pouting. "You skipped my class today."


    I shrugged. "You were teaching Cure Disease today, right?"


    "Yes?"


    "I already know that Shape."


    She huffed. "That''s not the point, and you know it."


    "So what is?" She just kind of pouted at me more, so I Co-Located us to the Basic Heroic Skills Two classroom. As I did, I snatched away everything but her habit, her outer robe, and her harness. Meanwhile I put The Dress on myself. In Gladiator mode, but without any of the armor. Sitting at one of the desks, looking up at her standing in front of the classroom, I batted my eyes and said, "oh, teacher, is there anything I can do to make up for missing class today? I don''t want to fail! I''ll do anything!" I leaned forward, squishing my tits together for maximum cleavage. "Anything at all." I breathed.


    She got delightfully pink and squeaked out, "tower?"


    I smiled at her right in the middle of acquiescing to her request and said, "you realize if I''d come to class I wouldn''t do this, right?"


    To which she breathed out a hesitant, "Maw?"


    I snuggled satiated Siobhan to me as we lay in the Bath after. "You know at some point I might not catch you?" I asked in an attempt to maybe give her a little bit of post-prandial titillation.


    She just sighed, smiled, and said, "if that is to be my end, I cannot say it would be an awful one. To dissolve into you while suffused with pleasure."


    I chuckled, trying to make light of it, but I could tell she wasn''t joking in the slightest. "I thought your afterlife was supposed to be spent in our Bedroom?"


    She rolled over and snuggled into me. "That''s entirely up to you, my Goddess."


    I hugged her with one arm and said, "if you find yourself inconveniently dead at any point, and I can''t Revive you, and Marie and I can''t find you? You get your ass directly to the Bedroom. You hear me?"


    "Yes, my Goddess."


    I settled in for a nice long soak after that. Slept surprisingly well. Dreamt of a certain Ice Pop swan diving into my Maw while the rest of my ladies sat along one edge, holding up score cards. Dreams continue to be weird, even when I almost maybe understand sort of where some part of them might be coming from maybe.


    Followed Marie around the Academy with a Maid uniform on for most of the day. Eventually had a moment while the two of us were alone in one of the laundry rooms to quietly ask, "Hey, Murder Mittens, you said you predate modern calendars, right?"


    She shrugged and said, "Yes."


    "So, um,  what season were you born in?"


    She thought about it for a bit, and right when I was about to apologize for asking, she said, "Spring."


    "Huh. That makes sense, I guess? Would you be upset if I maybe picked a day this Spring and we celebrated your birthday on that day?"


    Her eyes lit up, but after a half second she shook her head. "Sparagmos."


    "Uh... That''s... Um..." I tried not to do my normal knee-jerk refusal; she hadn''t actually asked me to do it. "You..." As I started to speak, her meaning and the reason behind it all fell into place. "You want us to celebrate your birthday on whatever day I happen to," I paused, having to force the words out, "literally tear you limb from limb?"


    Her smile practically defined ''radiant''. "Yes!"


    I slipped up in front of her, put my arms around her waist. "Because that''s the day you''ll be reborn, that I''ll remake you, as mine?"


    She picked me up, her hands lifting me by my ass, and when she brought our faces level, eyes shining, said, "Yes."


    "You know it might not happen, right? Only gonna happen if Saffron says it''s safe." She shrugged. "You realize that if she does find a way before our wedding, with you wanting me to do that to you then, your birthday will wind up being our anniversary?"


    She smiled, mouth open, and kissed me. Vlickies best gift.


    Before I could reply to that, Saffron''s voice whispered through our skulls. I heartily concur.

 Day Five Hundred And Fifty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    I can''t help but laugh at myself right at the moment.


    Like, two days ago I was all ''y''know, I need to talk with Saffron about her whole Penance thing, because something about it doesn''t quite sit right''. Yesterday I talked about how talking with her really helped, because while I''m still down for doing kinky shit if it helps her maintain her inner peace while doing a job that''s only stressful if you''re doing it right, I wanted to make sure that she wasn''t doing it wrong by accident, or that I wasn''t using her as a kind of scapegoat to pay for all the shitty things a head of state has to do. Because that''s a big part of why I gave her the job, and probably the worst reason I gave it to her as well.


    The good reason still stands, and all by itself it carries the argument as to which of us ought to be Head of State, which is basically what the Imperator job has become. What Saffron has made it. That reason, of course, is that she''s just so much fuckin'' better at it than I ever could be, which for an important job like this outweighs any considerations of ''fair'', not to mention things like ''prestige'' or ''do or do not want to''. Just coincidence that her being better coincided with me not wanting the stress of making decisions that could spell apocalypse for our nation, not to mention the hundreds of thousands, almost and maybe millions of people living in it. But washing my hands of the whole thing is both disingenuous and a dick move. Since the only dick moves I''m cool with making are ones where I''m railing someone on the West Tower, because shapeshifting is just plain easier than fiddling with a strap on, I''m not gonna do that. I''m gonna sit with her and let her run any ''all options are shit'' situations she runs across. Even if all I do is rubber duck for her, give her a sounding board so she doesn''t get too wrapped up in her own head, then help her shoulder the guilt, it''s still the right thing to do.


    Of course yesterday I wound up having a conversation with Marie about her birthday, and it kind of segued into a conversation about Sparagmos, and with me sort of bringing the whole thing up I wasn''t feeling some kind of way about talking about it. Which let me really pay attention to her and the way she talks about it. When I think about it, I''m thinking ''I''m going to kill someone, painfully''. That''s not something I want to think about someone I love, let alone someone I love as dearly as my Murder Mittens. What makes it worse, I think, is related to the whole Saffron Penance thing.


    When Saffron told me that she needed it to keep from drowning in guilt, it helped me maybe get over any lingering doubts I had about it. When our first session definitely left me with the impression she wanted more, wanted me to hurt her harder, I started thinking about what I eventually wound up doing. But my own reaction to beating her entire back bloody showed me a side of myself that I''m not entirely sanguine with yet. I mean, I''m not certain if it''s a side of myself or, y''know, a side of Her Dark Fatassness that I''m having to deal with. Either way, I''ve got to deal with the fact that even when dealing with my Saffron, hurting someone lubricates the love tunnel.


    Which brings me back to Marie. When she asks for Sparagmos, my brain registers that as her asking me to kill her painfully, which makes part of me go ''oh, hell to the no''. Meanwhile my lady bits start salivating at the thought of rending her limb from limb. This does not, in any way, assuage the guilt I feel thinking about actually doing it. But when I brought it up, when I talked about it as a kind of abstract thing, that let me think about it with my brain rather than my vagina and my guilt complex. So I got to actually pay attention to her reactions rather than focusing on my own horror, lust, and guilt. Turns out she''s not reacting to being torn limb from limb like dying. It''s more like... Well, shit, she''s talked about being marked, and being ''mine'', and her general demeanor when we talked about it seemed more like somebody getting their significant other''s signature tattooed on someplace maybe a little sensitive and also possibly a little visible. Like, yeah, there''s a certain nervousness there, but it''s nervousness about taking a big step in a relationship, not nervousness about dying. Because she has no doubt that if I did that to her, she''d wake up with the following sunrise. None whatsoever.


    That''s a lot of faith to live up to. I just hope I can.


    But the reason I''m laughing at myself is purely because I have these things I stress over, and even though I know that rule number one of relationships is open, honest communication, I still wind up getting stuck in my own head instead of just fuckin'' talking to people. Weird what a lifetime, even a short lifetime, of internalized shame will do to somebody.


    So after spending yesterday bumming around with Marie and maybe shocking a few Cadets by showing up in a Maid uniform doing Maid things, I went home, chatted with the kids about their daily kid things, which mostly had to do with exploring our little side valley, playing hide and seek throughout the entirety of the Homestead, making sure they all agreed on the safety rules for places like the Bore and the West Tower, and amusingly Ria and Maze taking turns playing referee.


    Took an extra long soak in the tub, since today I had to teach Physical Training, and if anything I did more ''show'' than ''tell'' than Marshall duBois.


    Still started the class out with a quick sorta lecture, just to set expectations for the day if nothing else.


    "Good Morning, Cadets!" After I got a sufficiently enthusiastic response from the class, I continued. "This afternoon, like we did last week, we''ll be playing basketball. So you understand, that game will help you work on your teamwork and your Endurance. Just remember, while you''re playing for a purpose, you should be playing to win. Sometimes that means four equally matched Cadets working in unison to overcome an opposing team with one or more individually superior players via superior coordination. Sometimes that will mean recognizing that a team has one or two superior players and basing the team''s plays around them in some way. You''re all... well, if you''re not technically grown ass adults, you should be before you leave the Academy, so I''m gonna leave the details of your teamwork up to you to start with. If I see a team fucking up bad enough, I might regroup you guys, or I might lend them a hand. If I see one team dominating so much they aren''t getting anything from the games other than big egos, I might intervene there as well. Just remember, you''re supposed to be using your brains there as well." I paused to look them over and make sure they were all paying attention. After four weeks at the Academy, they all definitely were. "Any questions?"Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    Citron''s hand shot up fastest. "Cadet Citron?"


    "What will we be doing this morning, Ma''am?"


    Almost all the other Cadets who''d raised their hands put them back down, with the exception being Hildegarde, who just stood there with her hand up. "Good question, Cadet Citron. As always, we''ll be doing a warmup run, then stretching. After that, we''ll be doing Dynamic Isometric Exercises. Now, that''s a heck of a fancy name, and because I''m a little slow, it took me a while to figure out why Marshall duBois taught me that shit. To help you guys understand, it''s all about learning to move so you can dodge shit you otherwise couldn''t."


    I saw every eye in the Yard twitch toward my very obvious facial scar. Scars, really, but there''s one big one and one little one, and they all looked at the big one. "Cadet Hildegarde?"


    "I was gonna ask if we were allowed to ask for advice on basketball, but... really, Ma''am?"


    I made the world''s shittiest fake mad face, then laughed to let her know the question really didn''t upset me. I thought for half a second, remembered something from back at Eastside, tried to think of how to translate it so the Cadets would understand, then shrugged and said, "fuck it." I leaned on my Blend, stretching it around the entire formation of Cadets. Most of them just stared at me, but a few blinked and looked like they''d noticed something happening. Good to know that it''s possible for somebody with enough sensitivity to maybe notice something happening, but I leaned harder, until my class was a memory of a daydream.


    "Okay, Cadets. Here''s where shit gets a little realer for you. You need to understand, but the only way I know to make you understand, really, is to tell you a secret about myself. I''m not from around here."


    Vickerson snorted, and when I looked at her, she muttered, "no shit, really?"


    I laughed at that. "Yeah, really. But further than you think. I was born in an entirely different world from this one."


    Somebody, somebody with a suspiciously New Amsterdam accent, whispered, "the realm of the Gods..."


    "Nope. I was born in a world without Gods. Just people. Just Humans, in fact. And while it was far from paradise, we did have some cool shit. Most notably, planes. Airplanes. Flying machines, like big metal birds." While I spoke, I Blended one of my tentacles and lifted myself up by the waist, holding my Parade Rest posture as I rose so all of the Cadets could see all of me. I dunno if it was my theatrics or my story, but they all stayed fixated on me. "We used airplanes in warfare. You know what happens when you drop something on someone from a couple thousand feet in the air?"


    Vickerson raised her hand at that, and when I nodded, she said, "splat?"


    I laughed. "Yeah. Splat. And if the thing you dropped was a bomb, an explosive device, do you know what they could do about it?"


    Without prompting, her eyes going a little wide with the idea, she replied, "jack shit?"


    "Yep. Unless they had their own flying machines to come up and shoot yours down. Which they did. Thing is, like any war of artificers, each side kept trying to make their flying machines better. Big ones, to carry more bombs, that could take more punishment before they fell out of the sky. Well armed ones to take down the big bombers. Little fast ones to take out the bomber killers. Shit. Got. Real." I paused, glancing through all of them to make sure I had them. That''s when I realized these were all Cadets. All the kind of people who would throw themselves right into that kind of fight. I smiled. "At one point, they decided to get real methodical about the improvements. They looked at all those big bomber planes to see where they''d gotten shot. They found places where every plane that came back had all kinds of holes. So you know what they did?"


    A kid in the back, his nametag reading Brown in Newark Colors, raised his hand. I nodded, and he called out, "armored those spots, Ma''am?"


    I nodded. "Almost. Like, they almost did. They were gonna. They had plans in place, were getting the forges ready. Then somebody raised one simple point." I paused, smiling when they all leaned toward me. "Those were the planes that made it back."


    That same kid, without prompting, shouted, "so they armored everywhere else?"


    I smiled. "Yeah, kinda. As you might imagine, flying machines need to be light, and they''re finicky beasts, but they looked at all the spots that didn''t have holes poked in them, and worked to make those spots better able to resist damage. The whole thing prompted an idea called ''Survivorship Bias''. Means you gotta look real close and engage your brain when looking at the survivors of a fight, of a disaster, of a tragedy, because the story your brain tells you when you look shallow and don''t think is not gonna be the real story."


    I swapped out my uniform for The Dress. After a few moments of the Cadets staring in silence, I sent her boots away to let them see the cuts that had penetrated even their tough, Smith made leather. I debated sending The Dress away as well, but decided this was enough. "So. Think about what I just told you. I know you saw that scar on my face and thought, ''oh, she''s teaching us how to duck with that scar'' or some equally dismissive shit. Now. Look at me. Look hard. Look with your brain on. What. Do. You. See."


    Took a minute. Eventually Hildegarde raised her hand. Tentatively, which she''d never really been before. I nodded to her, and it took her three tries to start speaking. When she did, though, it was with her customary certainty. "You''re still here."


    I smiled. "Damn good start."


    Vickerson raised her hand next. "A Hero who''s taken a ton of superficial wounds, but never serious ones?"


    I tilted my head side to side. "Yeah, I''d be lying if I said I never took a serious wound. But yeah, all these are the stupid minor bullshit that happens in a life or death fight, the shit you have to be able to ignore. Lemme be clear, each and every one of these was someone trying to hurt me bad enough to stop me. Trying. Which means?"


    Cadet Citron raised his hand. "Those are all from attacks that you dodged enough that they couldn''t stop you?"


    "Ding. Ding. Ding. We have a winner. All of you, good questions. But that''s my point to you, the point important enough to let all you girl kissers add my visual to your personal spank banks if you''re inclined. You study what I''m gonna teach you this morning? You practice it until you don''t have to think, it just happens? You''re gonna wind up with a lot of scars. An old, experienced, Hero, with a shit ton of scars." I laughed. "Shit, you might wind up as old as Hero MacCrae."


    Somebody, I''m not sure who, muttered out, "old enough to retire."


    "Yeah. Before anybody brings up any bullshit about dying in a blaze of Glory, dying, by itself, isn''t Glorious. Finishing your mission? Now that''s got some Glory. Winning a battle? Oh, yeah. Saving lives, making them better? Shit, I''ve earned enough Glory from that I asked Loki to give D some, and he was more irked that D might waste it than that I asked."


    At that point Citron head tilted and, almost without thinking, asked, "did he, though? Give someone Glory?"


    I did. The words echoed quietly through the Yard.


    Thanks, Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    Funny. Never thought I''d get Citron and Vickerson working together. Or Vickerson and Hildegarde. No actual cooperation between Hildegarde and Citron yet, but I guess I couldn''t ask for miracles.


    Okay, I could, but it was probably a better idea to start working on my own.

 Day Five Hundred And Sixty

    Dear Diary,


    At some point I need to come out of the closet.


    Like, I know how that sounds, especially as regards my current relationship status and living accommodations. Seriously, I''m openly married to one woman and we''re both gonna be getting married to another one. We''re all living in a big semi-communal mansion where the bulk of the inhabitants that we''re not actively sleeping with are pretty firmly on team ''men are bad, m''kay''. Me and maybe two or three others in the house are a decided minority in that we actively need and seek out the occasional thorough dicking down on a regular basis. My very openly public lifestyle is clearly ''Sapphic and Poly''. I suppose if anything I might wind up in the David Bowie situation, where I need to stress that I am, technically, Pan rather than ''properly'' Sapphic, but given that the only purely Sapphic person I know seems to have zero problem with me receiving hot beef injections, I somehow think that''s not as big of an issue here and now.


    Nah, I''m talking about the whole Isekai and Mimic things. Right now I''ve kept both pretty close to my vest. Yesterday I took the biggest step away from my Isekai nature being a family secret that I''ve taken in a long while. Of course, given how I did it, and how I used Blend for it, it''s moving from ''family secret'' to ''state secret'', but I am in fact aware of the whole ''three people can keep a secret if two of them are dead'' maxim. Thing is, for the longest I think I''ve conflated ''being isekaied'' with ''being Mimic'', and while the two do seem to be kind of related in my case, there''s no saying nobody''s ever been isekaied before. It''s pretty obvious to me now that if they were, they didn''t have the same kind of impact I have. Even if I''m the only actual person isekaied to this particular world, or timeline, or whatever, the general reaction of everyone I''ve told has been with one big exception the sort of mild surprise and interest I''d expect telling someone I''m from a country they''d never heard of. A sort of ''oh, what''s the food like there, and do you have any interesting cultural practices''.


    The exception being Saffron, of course. We''ve talked about it quite a bit, which may have been caused by her inherent nerd curiosity or her inexplicable Tabitha geekery. That makes her reaction mostly a her thing, not a me thing, Which means me being from another world isn''t likely to cause some kind of ''burn the witch'' reaction at this point. Frankly, given that most people see me as a Hero, either in the ''she saved us'' sense I''m familiar with, or the here and now ''she''s a military, political, and social force to be reckoned with'' sense. Like, even Citron, once he realized that I wasn''t just some random bullshit TA stepping in for duBois, has acknowledged that I am, in fact, a certified badass, not to mention being able to make or break his career without a whole lot of effort on my part. Shit, I''m pretty sure I could do it accidentally, which means I need to pay attention to my reports on the men and women in my class.


    That just leaves the elephant in the M-Space. Her Dark Fatassness Herself. Mimic. Who is me. Or she''s a part of me, or maybe I''m a part of her. I guess I''ve taken the first steps on this, what with telling Saffron to officially post ''beware the tentacle beast, her fatassness does not impede her ability to wreck your shit, eat you, sleep with your wife and slash or husband, or do all of the above while forcing you to sit in that single chair in the hotel room and watch'' signs. Come to think of it, that might be a little much to put on a sign. Unless I were German. Then it''d all be one big frankenword. Still might make for a bit of a big sign, though. Which would defeat the purpose, since I''m not sure the locals read, let alone reading modern where I''m from German. Shit, that was less flippant than I wish it was.


    Kitten?


    Yes, love?


    If we put up big ''beware the Mimic'' signs, make sure they have easy to understand pictographs for illiterate Gods.


    A sigh filled my brain. Yes, love. If we must.


    Hey, Kitten. Redemption. Key to you being the darkest bedroom toy ever when we retire, remember?


    I swear that woman had some kind of freaky ability to filter exactly what she wanted through our mental link. My whole back ached in absolutely the right way to remind me of the best parts of other night as she whispered, such a convincing argument.


    Not quite sure how I did it, but I reached a tentacle out wherever she was and ran it down her back. But are you convinced?


    The humor in her voice did not detract from her sincerity one little bit. Convinced. Absolutely convinced. May I never taste Marie''s pie again if I''m less than completely honest about this.


    Which one?


    Yes.


    So after yesterday''s success, and given how hard the Cadets worked to master all the poses of Marshall duBois'' off brand Tai Chi, I decided not to get to crazy with Combat Training class today. I had some ideas about that, something akin to replacing Squadball with Basketball for Physical Training, but I had to work with the Academy''s smiths and maybe the Maids before I could make it happen.


    When they all lined up, I called out, "Good Morning, Cadets!" This morning I got a decent response on the first repetition, showing that eventually even arrogant knuckleheads that take after my own self can learn. "This afternoon you get to play some more Squadball." That got the expected mix of cheers and groans. I think maybe they were supposed to stay completely quiet, but fuck it, I live for the feedback. "This morning, on the other hand, we''re going to work on formations. What they are, how to move in them, and hopefully how to train them." I paused to let that sink in, then asked, "any questions?"Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    Citron''s hand shot up. "Why would Heroes need to know formation fighting? Please, I understand the need for team tactics like we''ve been training with our games, but..." He trailed off, but I''d gotten his meaning. I also appreciated that he wasn''t entirely ignorant of the fact that other people existed, and working with them could achieve more than any talented person could do alone.


    "Fair question. Brave question, since you''re displaying some ignorance with your knowledge there." He choked down his bristling, but not his slight blush. "Nothing to be ashamed about. We all start out ignorant. The only ones who get past it are the ones who admit to it and try to learn shit." I gave him a second, not just to see the wisdom, but to appreciate that I had, in fact, given him a compliment. "Okay then, a couple reasons. To give you some real world, like yesterday with the scars, during the recent war New Amsterdam''s Levies were stupidly ineffective compared to Phileo''s Volunteers." A couple somebodies laughed at that, and after a quick glance showed me they all had Norfolk nametags, I added, "they were still way more effective, troop for troop, than Norfolk''s Karls."


    One of the formerly amused Norfolk Cadets raised their hand. "But our Karls didn''t face you in combat!"


    I nodded. "You''re right. But I saw them during the Calverton campaign, and again, body for body, Norfolk''s former Thralls, with no training, managed to be more effective at their tasks than Norfolk''s Karls." Every Norfolk tag I saw winced, and Hildegarde radiated savage vindication. "That''s not to say they were super effective, but not only did they give everything they had to whatever they were doing, they listened. They watched the Volunteers and the Soldiers, and if they didn''t have the kind of training to really do what either of those groups did, they asked questions and tried their best to work as units rather than as groups of individuals."


    I gave them a little bit, then nodded toward Vickerson. "If I had to judge, I''d say that an individual Calverton Soldier probably is a better fighter than an individual Phileo Volunteer." She smiled, but only tentatively, because she''s not a stupid woman. "At the same time, a Phileo Unit would probably take apart a Calverton Squad, and not just because ours have trained more with their Crossbows. Training as units acts as a force multiplier. That means that each Volunteer in the unit is more effective than a single Soldier or Levy, no matter how skilled those individual Levies are. That was true even before Crossbows, and now that we''ve got them, it''s not even close."


    Vickerson''s hand shot up, and I nodded. "Does that mean our individual Cities'' non-Heroic traditions will be as subsumed by Phileo''s as our Heroic ones are being?"


    Hoo. That put some real shit right out there. Still, good to get the question in the air. I shrugged. "I dunno. I don''t make policy." At the disbelieving stares, I smiled and said, "no, seriously, I break shit and train Cadets." I tapped my temple. "I got no head for logistics, or administration, or any of that. I can do it if I have to, and I absolutely will come up with unfortunate consequences for a certain Headmaster if he tries to get me to teach duBois'' Strategy and Logistics class, but it''s really not my thing. Fortunately, Imperator Sexypaws Aetos-Diaz Is great with head. I mean, she''s got a great head. For logistics and administration."


    I''d taken them from their initial vague discontent, to shock, to humor, so now I answered the question. "Thing is, the Phileo units were more effective. Camden Yards and Newark both intend to train their Troops Phileo style. When you''re poor, you don''t have time to fuck around with shit that might not work if you can afford the thing you''ve seen that does. Also, for what it''s worth, other than the Crossbows the Volunteer gear is cheaper than Levy or Soldier gear, which lets us make it uniform."


    I paused, let that sink in, then said, "With that in mind? We''re probably keeping some Troops active year round from here on out. If nothing else, having a core of Veterans available speeds of training and retraining of the rest. But beyond that, Volunteer Units are trained to work with Heroes, not just near them. A formation of Volunteers not only adds their weight of fire to a Hero, they also let Heroes concentrate entirely on offense. That''s not as big a deal for melee focused Heroes, but as you''ve no doubt realized, Phileo-style Heroes are fully capable of ranged combat, whether that''s using Crossbows, traditional bows, or Shaping. Which means those force multipliers that make Volunteers more effective than Soldiers or Levies also apply to Heroes working with Volunteer Units as well." I looked at Citron. "Would you rather face Vickerson with a Unit of Volunteers or Hildegarde in a one on one fight?"


    By now the class all pretty much agreed that when it came to applied violence, Hildegarde was the best in the class. Citron was no slouch; he''d been trained for it his whole life, and if the whole ''good breeding'' thing didn''t mean as much as rich folks thought, when you bred for faster, stronger, tougher, you got faster, harder, and tougher. But Hildegarde, for all that she was a head shorter than him, went absolute beast mode each and every time she went in. So I didn''t snicker even a little as he looked back and forth between Vickerson, who other than her prior training and service wasn''t all that great at the whole ''do unto others'' thing, and Hildegarde, who just stared at him doing the dead eyed shark thing.


    After a solid sixty seconds, while the class first giggled, then went quiet, Citron just looked back and forth. Finally he said, "Cadet Hildegarde. I don''t think I could reliably defend against fifteen combatants alongside Cadet Vickerson."


    I nodded. "So that''s why we study formation fighting. Both because you need to know how to work with formations of Troops and because you''ll need to train those same formations if they''re needed. That said, while I''m gonna teach you Phileo style Volunteer Unit formations, I absolutely do not know how the Imperator intends to incorporate the better aspects of other Cities'' traditions into the Alliance military."


    "Really?" Citron asked without raising his hand.


    I smirked at him. "Yeah, our pillow talk generally doesn''t lean that way. Mostly I talk about her pillows. They''re real, and they''re amazing. But seriously, Calverton and New Amsterdam both have some things they did better than Phileo. Calverton outfitted its Soldiers better, and managed to outfit all of them. Levies... I''m not sure, but I think they might have had better morale as singletons than Volunteers did when their formations broke. Which doesn''t happen often, but if something takes out enough of the Volunteers, the Unit kind of falls apart."


    I looked around until I''d convinced myself that none of the Cadets would do anything stupid for ''City Pride'' reasons, then called out, "okay then. Every one of you needs a shield, a bow of some kind, and a spear from the equipment sheds. Get ''em and get back here!"


    Sometimes I''m smart. Sometimes I''m innovative. Other times I''m an idiot who fails to pay attention to why my predecessors did something the way they did. First casualties of the day were from too many people trying to get weapons out of the equipment sheds at once.


    At least Siobhan wasn''t mad at me this time.

 Day Five Hundred And Sixty-One

    Dear Diary,


    Strange, how different people look at what being an adult means. Hell, even the same person over the course of their life. I remember for most of my life up until High School I was a bog standard kid with the bog standard kid definition of ''adult''. That being ''adults get to do what they want''. That lasted right up until I heard one of my classmates spout that to one of my teachers. I still remember how the dude at the front of the room, always so good humored and low key energetic, turned around with the most fatigued look I''d ever seen on his face and said, "that is the most immature thing I''ve ever heard someone say." When the kid got all flustered, he said, "not your fault. You''re a kid. Kids think adults do what they want." At that point he shook his head and said, "Adults do what they have to do."


    That stuck with me. I mean, my definition of ''what I have to do'' has changed over the years. Shit, it took me a while to even look past the humor of hearing one of the big braggarts in the class, a dude who worked his own corner and had his own money, be so thoroughly shut down by somebody who looked so haggard in that moment. But once I did, I realized that maybe being an adult wasn''t all it''s cracked up to be. That might have even been when I started thinking, somewhere in the back of my head, about how my mom hadn''t worked herself to death because she loved working, but because she loved me, and the only way she could take care of me was to fit twenty years of work into the five years she had left.


    I guess there''s more to it than even that old dude knew, though. Or maybe more than he told us in that moment. Yeah, kids think adults do what they want. Adults realize that adults do what they have to do. But along with that adults also do what they should do. Adults do what other people should have done but didn''t. So many things that define adulthood. Shit, at least part of being an adult, from what I''ve seen here and now, is not doing everything you get the impulse to do. The worst of the Gods have definitely not learned that lesson, and it shows. Not just in the actions of the ones I''ve had to throw down with, but even in the shit that Dionysus did to and with the Maenads, and Zeus... Fuckin'' Zeus. That pretty much covers it. I''m pretty sure Poseidon isn''t much better than his brother. Of course, Dionysus and Diana prove that even the Olympians can learn better. Shit, Dionysus proves that all of them can do it without me shoving their heads up their own asses. Or without the fates doing it, like they did to Loki.


    I''m not certain I''d lay the blame on the Fates, or the Norns, daughter.


    Blame? That''s for One Eye. I was talking about credit for getting you to a point where you could see the world like an adult.


    I''m not sure whether to be offended or pleased, daughter mine.


    Aw, c''mon, Dad. If you hadn''t grown up to be more mature than your peers, you wouldn''t be the best. Which you are.


    That got me a chuckle rumbling through my skull. I know. My daughter tells me so often.


    So after going over the rules of the road regarding the equipment sheds, which included no more than four people per shed at once, people leaving the shed loaded having right of way, followed by people going into the shed loaded. People with free hands being the ones who should get the fuck out of the way. Or duck. Whatever. Nobody lost any body parts. Permanently. Everybody wound up paying close attention during the formation drills, because they''d had a close look at what the edge of a shield could do, not to mention the pointy end of a spear.


    I wasn''t sure how the Squadball game would go, after two days of Hildegarde and Citron having no real opportunity to beat the shit out of one another. I shouldn''t have been worried. They sent each other to the Infirmary again, although this time was after a couple solid minutes of the two of them dueling with their impromptu Squadball Fu. By the time the sun went down, everybody was ready for dinner, but I dropped down to the smithy and had a conversation with Jon about what I wanted. He told me he''d have a prototype ready on Tuesday. Once I finished there, I stopped by Lancaster House and asked Larry if he had any time free on Tuesday.


    "Of course, Commander. What did you need?"


    "Trying to maybe make Squadball a little less... I dunno... several wars ago?"


    He raised an eyebrow, but just nodded. "Afternoon works better for me, unless you''d prefer I clear my morning?"


    "Nah, my day''s clear other than what I''m working on. I''ll swing past here to pick you up at lunch?"


    He nodded, and I stepped home. Karen?


    Yes, my Goddess?


    Do you have anything that can''t be shuffled around on Tuesday afternoon?


    Of course not, my Goddess. You have need of me?


    Yep. This Tuesday afternoon in the Practice Yard. Possibly next Sunday afternoon as well.


    Ought I bring anything?


    Just you and your uniform and your brain.


    She made an affirmative noise, then Good to have at least one of each of those.


    Still not sure whether I''d just been dissed or not. Fuck it, if I had been, that''s some low key funny shit right there. I''ll allow it. At any rate, when I arrived to dinner, the kids all looked over at me, and a sort of pall that had been hanging over the room dissipated. Saffron smiled at me and thought, the children thought you''d forgotten.


    Uh...


    She laughed and thought, you did forget, didn''t you?


    Forgot what?


    The sleepover? Black Dragon?


    Oh, shit, that''s today? Are we eating here or there?


    She looked around the room and asked, "so, girls, would you like to eat here or aboard ship this evening?" When the kids responded as expected, she held up her hands and got near instant quiet. "Marie, if you could please let the cooks aboard the Black Dragon know we''ll be eating aboard this evening as well as tomorrow?" When Marie nodded and disappeared, she turned back to the kids. "Go gather your things. You''ll want night clothes, because the Captain''s Cabin isn''t as well insulated as our bedroom. Everyone bring at least one blanket or large pillow as well." They all just stood there vibrating with eagerness until she said, "go on now, come back here when you have your things together."


    Funniest thing had to be how the absolute thunderous cacophony of our horde hoard went near silent when they got to the Bore. They took the ''no running on the stairs'' rule seriously. Ten minutes later we had seven little girls with their arms full of bedding and clothes. I looked over at Siobhan, who''d arrived as the kids were thundering off, then sat there looking a little forlorn, and said, "You coming, Ice Pop?"


    "Will I be needed on this trip?"


    I held out a hand. "Silly Siobhan Darling. It''s not about needed. You''re family." An instant later I had Siobhan plastered to my side under my arm, and Saffron chuckling as she slipped under the other one.


    "Sometimes you seem too good to be true, Tabitha."


    I shrugged, but before I could reply Saffron said, "our Goddess is real, and she''s amazing."


    "Hey, that''s my line!"


    "You have a Goddess?"


    I leered at her cleavage and said, "I mean, I do kinda Worship them."


    She purred at me. "I do so appreciate that, wasteful or not."


    While we all waited for the kids, Siobhan pondered, "I wonder what that would be like." When we both looked the question at her, she said, "having a body part inhabited by the spirit of a Deity. Or somehow achieving Apotheosis on it''s own."The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.


    I snuggled them both in and said, "Yeah, but if Saffron''s magnificent mammaries ascended, they''d be far from the bottom of the list, brains-wise, even without them actually having brains."


    That got me the thorough tickling it deserved, along with some groans.


    Then the kids returned, and Saffron said, "Siobhan, could you?" Siobhan picked up Daya and took Lindsey''s hand. Saffron lifted David onto her hip and took Alex by the hand. I got one hand each from Ria and Maze, while Isnomi jumped up my onto my shoulders like a little monkey. Saffron looked around at the kids, then at us, then nodded, and we all stepped to the aft deck of the Black Dragon.


    Swanson met us there, looking a little out of place; his uniform clearly had the Cadet cut, but in Camden Yards'' blue and white. "Good Evening, Imperator. Champion. Concubine...."


    Gently yet firmly, Saffron cut him off with a simple, "Sister Darling has recently achieved the title of Archmage."


    He took that pretty calmly for a dude who''d been handing out women as party favors less than a year ago. "Apologies, Archmage."


    Siobhan just blushed and said, "Sister is fine.... Captain?"


    He chuckled. "Admiral, technically. Since the Champion is officially the Captain of the Black Dragon." Definitely a weird custom, but then I''m not sure it had been before I came along and poofed a modern capital ship into existence. "Would you like me to assign some sailors to take your little one''s luggage to the Captain''s cabin?"


    I shook my head. "Nah. They can carry it there themselves before dinner. Which I hope we''re not too late for?"


    "Of course not. Follow me then, if you would ladies?"


    We got the kids stuff squared away, and it turned out that the Captain''s cabin had a couple hammocks strung up in it. Probably for the best, since even if we piled atop one another, we couldn''t really all fit in the bed. Marie joined us there, and we all joined Admiral Swanson and his officers in the officer''s mess. Thankfully, the girls decided to be on their best behavior. Okay, they all kind of followed Ria''s lead, since she''s probably got half of the total politeness skills of our entire hoard, with Maze having half of what''s left. I don''t think the kitchen really expected anybody to ask for seconds, but Marie stepped away and returned from the galley with another big tray of... something that reminded me of Salisbury steaks. Ground meat patties in gravy with mashed potatoes. Solid stuff, the kind of food that my mom would say ''stuck to your ribs'' when I was little.


    Wound up having to carry Isnomi and David, who''d both decided to keep up with the appetites of the bigger girls and proceeded to stuff themselves. When we got back to the cabin, Marie and I insisted that Siobhan and Saffron take the bed. I think both of us thought that would let them fit more of the girls in with them. At which point we wound up each getting a pair of the girls; Ria and Maze climbed into my hammock with me, and Alex and Lindsey did with Marie. That left the three little ones to snuggle in with my littler ladies. Not sure if the hammocks were really as comfortable as they ought to have been with three of us in each of them, but the kids loved it anyway.


    When we woke up this morning, Saffron gathered the kids together. "Girls, we''ll be spending until dinner this evening aboard the Black Dragon, as you asked. However, you''ll need to remain inside the ship most of the day, and I want you to stay with one of us the whole time. You needn''t cling to our skirts, but you must remain within reach of us."


    "Why?" Of course Menace got to fire off the Big Question.


    Saffron just smiled at her. "It''s a secret, but I promise you, you''ll love it." She looked over at me. "Not unlike a certain someone else, unless I miss my guess." Then she looked around at the kids. "This is a rule like the steps, children. A safety rule. Just as important, just as serious. This is a working warship now, not a museum, and a more dangerous one than normal."


    When all the kids solemnly nodded, reminding me of how they''d all slowed their headlong dash to walk up the Bore steps carefully, Saffron said, "well, let''s be about our tour and our day then!"


    We toured a bit, the kids asking questions, managing to get almost all the questions I wanted to ask into the air before I had to ask them. We all got to climb into the big turrets and look through the gunsights. All four of us nixxed the idea of the guns actually firing with the girls aboard, let alone in the turrets. Finally, midway through the morning, Saffron led us all onto the navigation bridge. "Is everything prepared, Admiral?"


    "Are we ready, then?" At Saffron''s nod, the Admiral barked an order to one of the sailors, who did something on the control panel in front of him, and a Really Obvious Warning Klaxon started up.


    Saffron brushed my hand and Co-Located just the two of us to one of the boiler rooms, where I asked the one remaining question. "What is that?" I asked, pointing at a very obviously etched and Enchanted shiny Copper column rising from the deck, where a bunch of thick copper rods extended away from it.


    "That, my love, is the station for the Mages aboard. There are six assigned to each boiler room, where they can keep the boilers heated to conserve fuel. I thought today you''d want to perhaps take a turn yourself, though."


    I smiled down at her. "I guess you figure I''m worth all six?"


    She giggled. "All twenty four, actually."


    I rolled my eyes. "So how do I...?"


    "Form a Mana Network and include the pylon." I made the Shape, and sucked my Kitten into it as well. "So forward."


    Up on the bridge I slipped an arm around her. "Yeah. well. So, how are we gonna navigate down the James? My Black Dragon, she a big girl."


    She looked up to me and smiled, and down in the bowels of the ship guided me in pouring Mana into the ship. I Co-Located to the other boiler rooms and did the same, the novelty making it kinda fun. On the bridge, an officer in a Phileo Cadet uniform turned from a control station that had obviously been altered to include some Divination stuff turned and called out, "Mana one hundred percent plus twenty."


    Swanson nodded. "Start the auxiliary engines."


    A guy sitting next to the Diviner, this one wearing a Cadet uniform in New Amsterdam colors, said, "yes, sir. Start auxiliary engines. Engine power one hundred, two hundred..." He kept counting upward until he hit three thousand. "Engaging auxiliary engine."


    I almost lost my concentration on feeding the ship Mana as the whole fuckin'' thing vibrated just the tiniest bit. That''s when Swanson said, "Black Dragon, ascend."


    "Ascending, sir."


    The next moment the whole fuckin'' ship went straight upward, and despite her best efforts, our little Menace absolutely lost her fuckin'' shit. "DA THIP ITH FYING!" The next moment she dangled from the inside of the window, looking out, practically vibrating with a need to be outside as the remaining trees in our field of vision, not to mention the assorted masts and rigging, dropped below where we could see them.


    I couldn''t help it. I Co-Located up to the top of the mast and watched as the ground receded. A moment later Saffron joined me. "Terrible example for the children," she chuckled and snuggled up to me as she said it though.


    A moment later the Mage at the flight controls said, "extending stabilizers. Configured for propulsion." A pair of thick, stubby wings made out of Mana extended from below the sides of the ship, and a moment later I heard the very familiar sound of a fuckin'' jet engine. Slowly at first, but with increasing speed, my Black Dragon accelerated, wings turning her to face northeast as she did. Swanson turned to me and asked, "Champion, would you mind providing the Mana to take us out to the Atlantic?"


    "Shit, I''d go further, but I think we really ought to have the kids home before you pull into Saint Boltophsburg Harbor." It was all I could do not to cackle with glee as the wind started whipping past my hair. I realized at that point that the only two people not indoors were the Saffron and I on the mast. I looked down at her and asked, "You want to go back inside?"


    She smiled up at me. "I wouldn''t miss this look on your face for the world, love."


    So we rode at the top of the mast, my love warm against my side, as my Black Dragon flew over what would have been Virginia in another world, then over the Chesapeake, and finally, well after the kids had already had breaks for lunch and bathroom, the Atlantic. As the coast receded behind us, I asked, "is this the fastest she can go? Not complaining, just wondering."


    Swanson shrugged. "We''re not racing today. This would only be our second airborne cruise. Also our second cruise. With no battle we''re needed for, I thought it best to keep us well within what I''m sure we can maintain."


    "So this is..."


    "Roughly one quarter our best possible speed. Although maintaining that best possible speed left our Mages mostly depleted by the time we arrived. This speed I''m certain they could maintain for the better part of a day if we needed them to. Call it twice what I''ve read the Black Dragon can do in the water, but we''ve less than an hour at that speed."


    "She''s one hell of a ship, Admiral."


    He smiled. ''Admiral'' or no, he definitely had the kind of possessive pride you''d take in a ship. No big. I''d been working on banishing my jealousy anyhow. "She is, Champion."


    At the top of the mast, I looked down at Saffron and said, "she''s fuckin'' perfect."


    She must have heard the hesitation in my voice. With a coy little smile, she asked, "are you missing something, love?"


    "It''s stupid." One of her eyebrows went up, and I sighed. "Back in Camden, there was a show I used to watch. The one I got the song from. The whole flying battleship thing. She had this badass gun..."


    "Nine Sixteen inch guns aren''t enough for you? Ought I feel inadequate?"


    I laughed. "Like I said, it''s stupid."


    "Lift me up." Obedient to her will, I lifted her until she wrapped her legs around my waist and stared into my eyes. Down on the bridge, she asked, "Admiral, are we out of sight of shore?"


    "We should be."


    "Excellent. May I?"


    He nodded to her and stepped back, waving her forward. "I work for you, Imperator."


    "Reconfigure auxiliary engine for offensive operations."


    "Target?"


    "Elevate the bow ten degrees, then fire directly ahead."


    "Range?"


    "Let''s show off for our Patron, shall we? Maximum."


    I heard the glee in the Mage''s voice when they said, "bow elevated. Reconfiguring auxiliary engine for offensive operations... now."


    Out on the mast, the jet turbine beneath the ship cut off, leaving us with nothing but the wind in our ears as the ship pointed herself just a touch at the sky, coasting uphill as we did. Then I heard a sound that I almost didn''t recognize, not because it wasn''t familiar, but because I''d never heard it quite so loud before. I looked down at my Kitten, who grinned up at me, nodding.


    And then a fuckin'' foot wide Mana Blade extended from beneath the bow of my Black Dragon, extending all the way out to the fuckin'' horizon and beyond.

 Day Five Hundred And Sixty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    Of all the pieces of dating and relationship advice I''ve ever found or been given, not a single one ever said anything like ''if you''re dating an Evil Overlord, be sure you don''t hint that you''d like a Superweapon, because she will build you one just to see your reaction''. Then again, I guess that doesn''t come up very often. Evil Overlords aren''t generally known for their gift giving habits. Or, rather, they don''t give them to their significant others as often as they do mistresses and shit.


    Yeah, I know. Saffron''s not actually Evil, per se. But she is absolutely a Tyrant. She''s the Imperator. Before anybody says anything about ''but you said Overlord'', yes, yes, I did, but in my humble opinion that''s fully justified because the fucking actual Overlord of Rich Man''s Port reports to my wife, the Imperator. So she''s the person the Overlord says ''yes ma''am'' to. Which, given that Overlords and Tyrants and Imperators don''t generally need the whole ''Evil'' prefix in front of their name to have scary levels of power, means that I still kinda wish I''d had that advice at some point earlier.


    Then again, on second thought, I do not wish that. Because if I''d known she was likely to mount a Mana Blade big enough to peel the fuckin'' planet on the front of my Black Dragon, I might have asked her to not do that, and holy shit that shit was cool. Was it a wave motion gun? Um, let me think about it, because I''m frankly not sure if it''s more or less powerful. The Blade had to be at least five miles long, and it might have been significantly longer. Sure as shit long enough to punch through the planet''s crust, at least in the thin spots, and while I''m not sure what would happen if she pointed it vaguely downward and spun in place, my gut instinct starts at ''super volcano'' and gets apocalypticer from there. Yes, I know that should be ''more apocalyptic'', but that doesn''t convey my stark raving terror at the thought of, say, Menace getting her hands on the controls for that big bastard.


    Speaking of the Menace, she absolutely lost her shit just as much as I did when that Blade formed. I think the other kids thought it was cool, but somehow I''m pretty sure Menace realized exactly how much power we''d shoved out in front of us, not to mention exactly how much damage it could do. When Saffron had them retract the blade, and she and I collapsed back into ourselves as the Black Dragon slowly descended to sea level, Menace leapt from the window to land in our arms.


    "Mama! Ma! Ja thee it? Ja thee it? Big bwade go vwooom!"


    "It did indeed, didn''t it my girl?"


    While she continued gabbling and squeeing at Saffron, Ria stepped up and said, "that was very impressive. What is its intended target?"


    At that point Saffron leaned over and waved our little horde of miscreants in. When she had all their attention, she whispered, "to put that smile on your Mama''s face."


    I realized right then that she had, in fact, etched a smile that wouldn''t come off onto my face. I mean, shit, I grew up in a town where a battleship was one of our only big tourist attractions, and while I''ll never admit to watching anything but the freakiest of hentai, I did in fact love that show when I found it as a kid. I mean, I saw the remake first, but even so, one plus one equals Tabitha squeeing internally eternally. Seriously. I scooped her up into a hug and whispered, "thanks, Kitten."


    Right about then Alex pulled at my jacket. "Mama?"


    I turned down to my suddenly oddly serious wannabe Hero and asked, "what is it, Alex?"


    "How do I join the Navy?"


    Realizing that the Black Dragon''s Mana Lance may have just done for my daughter what Keanu''s unparalleled visage had done for me long ago, I did the only thing I could. I played for time. "Uh, first of all, you''re gonna have to be..." I looked to Saffron for backup.


    "At least thirteen years old before anyone will even consider you for entry into an Academy. You''d be better off training hard and waiting until you''re sixteen. Then, once you complete your required coursework there, you apply to the Naval Academy in Rich Man''s Port." Every officer on the bridge turned to face my tiny tyrant, who turned to them and said, "we break ground in the Spring."


    Swanson managed to hold his laughter in for about ten solid seconds. "Norfolk will be beside themselves with envy and jealousy both."


    "Not Calverton?"


    Swanson shrugged. "They''re still recovering, and they''ve decided to focus on their Heroic Academy. Which frankly Norfolk should have been doing. I mean, certainly they''ve got a strong maritime tradition, but," he didn''t bother to hide his shudder. "Can you imagine a Jotnar like Princess Olga trained to be a Phileo style Hero?"


    "Y''know, I don''t think anybody in Norfolk has thought that far." Swanson snorted. "I''ll be sure to mention it to the Princess next time I talk to her though."


    He choked on his spit, at which point Saffron, in full Imperator mode, asked, "wouldn''t you like to have such a Hero as part of your Marine contingent next time you face a boatful of Spartans?"


    He snorted again, a completely different sound, before saying, "that wouldn''t be a fight. That would barely be an extermination."


    "Exactly."


    I think my Kitten has been studying with Marie in the art of conversation ending.


    By the time we got home, the four of us were carrying the kids. Lindsey and Alex weren''t asleep, but they were clearly fighting it with every ounce of strength they had. Ria, ever practical, had snuggled into me and gone to sleep as soon as I picked her up. Maze hadn''t gone to sleep, but she''d done a pretty good impression; the only way I knew she was still awake were her snores. Normally she doesn''t, but last night she imitated Ria. Not in any kind of bad, mocking way. Just... trying to be more like her sister, I guess?This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.


    We''d had an early dinner aboard, more Salisbury steaks, mashed potatoes, and biscuits, and we skipped bath time and just put the kids straight to bed, pulling enough of their warm clothes off that they''d be comfy without being overheated in our nice toasty curtained circle bed at home. Never quite realized how warm our new place would be, even without the huge fire going constantly. Which, since Marie never quite let it go out, never exactly happened. I think there may have been something about the pipes in the walls that carried water to and from the tub keeping the walls warm too. I fell asleep pondering how my Kitten had managed that, with that smile still etched onto my face.


    Dreamt of staring to the East, looking for the bar of liquid light that had nearly seared through my tentacles, wondering why they didn''t hurt, wondering why they hadn''t boiled away to nothing. Waggling them just to remind myself they were still there.


    Woke up to a bit of deja vu. Menace staring into my eyes from about an inch away. "Mama!" she shout-whispered. "Fye!"


    I blinked and sighed. "Menace, you know I love you, and you know I will absolutely support your flying habit when the weather is good, but right now? There''s still snow on the everywhere, anyplace that isn''t covered by snow is covered by ice, and unless the smell in the air was wrong..." I hopped up to the little hut I''d built at the top of the Bore. The women had installed a wooden frame inside, along with a door in the doorway. With hinges on the inside, which baffled me a little until i realized it wasn''t a defensive thing. I opened the door to find only about a foot of the opening still clear, with snow falling out of the sky.


    After shoving the door closed again, which took more than a little bit of Strong Arm to do, I looked at Menace and said, "Yeah, it''s snowing right now, Menace. No flying in snow."


    "Fye!"


    I closed my eyes and sighed. "Isnomi Aetos-Diaz, you are not going to stubborn your way into this."


    She flopped on her butt, which happened to be on my belly, and I reminded myself to thank duBois for all that training when I saw him next. "When fye?"


    I sighed. "Okay, there''s a little to unpack here." She looked around, and I explained, "no, no, what I mean is that there''s more than one problem, and we''re not going to ignore any of them. But none of them are insoluble." That got a confused look. "We can, maybe, fix them all."


    "Oh tay?"


    I scooped her up and rolled us to the Bath, because other than Marie, nobody else had really woken up yet, and along with wanting them to get their sleep after the big day, I didn''t want them listening in on the next bit. "Okay. Couple things. First, I know you''ve been checked out for flying in clear weather, and night flying, but I''m really not gonna approve of you flying in bad weather. Once you''re an adult you can try to do that, but until then..." She got a mulish look, and I changed gears. "This is a safety thing. Like the stairs."


    The mulish look went away. "Oh!" Then she got a suspicious look. "Oh-tay?"


    I sighed. "Menace, I promise you, I won''t invoke the safety rules if it''s not a safety thing. I take that just as seriously as you do. So yeah, bad weather flying is dangerous. There''s all kinds of nasty shit that can happen trying to fly in any kind of rain or fog or snow. Worse, there''s stuff that can happen if you try to fly when it''s too cold. I''m not sure how it works, but even when there''s no snow coming down or anything, if it''s too cold ice can form on your wings, and then," I brought my hand plunging down into the Bath. "Splat."


    "Spwat?"


    "Yeah. Splat. Not fun haha splat either. Worse than your first Temple memory splat."


    She shuddered. "Oh tay."


    "Don''t worry, Menace. I''m not sure how well you remember last winter, but by your birthday the weather had cleared enough for you to fly." When she perked up, I hastened to add. "Not sure if it''ll do that this year. Neither of us is a weather Goddess. Wouldn''t be right to deny all the animals and plants water just so you can have a little fun, either. But once it''s warm enough and the weather''s clear, I don''t mind you flying."


    "Doan fowget."


    I sighed. "I''ll really try not to. And it''s okay if you remind me, and I''ll really try not to get too busy. Okay? Also, if the weather is good, you can still have your brother or grandparents take you flying. If Marie shows Siobhan how to get you into and out of your flight gear and hang glider, and she''s okay to watch you fly, she can do it too."


    Menace looked at me, a bit of mischief in her eyes. "Fye heah?"


    I''d seen this coming. "Maybe." Her eyes sparkled. "Not saying yes, not saying no. We need to ask Mom and Conrad about the wind patterns here. I think they''ll be okay to fly in, but until they are, no flying. Also, there''s some nasty stuff in the woods." She looked dismissive, and I said, "some of those nasty things might fly."


    "I nadda fwaid."


    I smiled at her and ruffled her hair. "I know you''re not, Menace. I don''t want you tangling with some things, because I don''t want you hurt while you''re still growing, but I know how big and mean you are even now. I''m not happy you did it, but I''m very proud at how you wrecked the Morrigan''s shit."


    "I poo in hew faith!"


    I couldn''t help but laugh at that. "Yes, yes you did. Not an adult thing to do. Not a move you really ought to do as a grown up. But if some grown up pulls you into a fight when I''m not there to protect you? Yeah, absolutely do that to them. They deserve it for picking on a kid."


    She got all cute growly and hunched over and said, "thingth twy to ged me when I fye, I ged dem inthtead!"


    I nodded, but let the smile slip from my face as I asked, "okay, but what about your sisters?" Her mouth dropped open at that, and she just stared at me. "They''ll all enjoy riding with you on your Nightmares, right?"


    "Daya?"


    I leaned in, "I think even Daya kind of liked them." Then I pulled back and put on a fake but serious considering look. "Once the tack is done, I think Marie and I might go along with the seven of you for a ride or two. We can keep up with the Nightmares, and I''m sure anything they can''t carry your less combative sisters away from, they can definitely protect them from, right?"


    "Wight."


    "So, once the weather clears up enough that none of you will get sick from being outside, we can maybe bundle you all up and go riding. But for flying... Don''t you think your sisters would like to fly too?"


    "Maybe?"


    "Well then. We''ll ask them. Not today, because before you ask them, do you know who else you need to ask?"


    "Ma?"


    "Yes, asking Ma would be good, but I think she''ll agree with what I''ve said. Who else?" When she paused for a bit long, I said, "Think. Are they all small enough to use your hang glider?" She shook her head, humming. "So who can make them one big enough?"


    "Conwad!" I nodded. "I athk Conwad to make dem one?"


    "Better yet, ask Conrad if he can and will make one for each of your sisters who want to fly. I don''t know if all of them will. Even the ones who don''t might want to be included somehow. But this..." I smiled as I thought about it. "This is a big project. The kind your Mom loves putting together." I thought about the last juxtaposition of ''Saffron'' and ''flying'' and that smile etched itself across my face so hard my cheeks hurt. "So maybe you could ask her for some advice too." I pulled Isnomi''s forehead to mine and smiled at her before playing my Ultimate Isnomi Taming Trump Card.


    "If you think you''re a big enough girl to manage a project this big?"

 Day Five Hundred And Sixty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, I realized pretty early in the Calverton campaign that I had to delegate shit, because so much of what needs to be done in a big military operation like that requires skills that I just don''t have. Okay, technically, I passed Marshall duBois'' Strategy and Logistics class, so if I could get actual Skills, I''d have them, but I can''t, and even if I studied the material I still kinda suck at it. Like, I know what needs to be done. If you sat me down with pen and paper and no distractions, I might be able to list it all out. If I didn''t get a sudden burst of ''what is paper'' and ''how I mine for words'' and ''object permanence? What''s that? Does it taste good?'' So technically I can do it, but I recognized right away that there were a whole group of people who were better at it than me, and if I learned nothing else from duBois'' classes overall, it''s to put my fuckin'' pride aside when other people''s lives are on the line.


    So I delegated.


    I never really thought that the same fuckin'' thing would work with parenting. I mean, on the face of it that shit sounds pretty fuckin'' awful. ''Oh, I''ll delegate my parenting duties to someone else''. Like, okay, I get that I do a big chunk of the ''play with the kids'' and if a Dire Bear were running at us, I''d expect Saffron and Siobhan to hustle the kids off while Marie and I went to procure some bear steaks, but that''s just smart division of labor, not delegation. Telling one of the other three to do a thing because I don''t want to. Or even because I suck at it. But I never actually thought about delegating some particularly thorny bit of parenting to the kids themselves.


    Thing is, it makes sense once I get past the absurdity of it. Isnomi putting together an entire project of getting her sisters kitted out for flying with her not only buys the rest of us some time to be ready to, y''know, keep eyes on them and act as ground crew, but it also shows her that sometimes when she asks for something that she thinks is simple, it takes a whole lot of shit behind the scenes to make it happen. So when she asks and it happens, maybe she''ll appreciate it more. Maybe when she asks and we have to tell her ''wait'', or even ''no'', she gets that we''re not just being mean. All that shit just makes sense.


    But her second birthday isn''t until next month. She''s not even two. Not even two and she''s already starting to show signs of being just as much of a boss bitch as her Mom. Somehow I''m supposed to be the mature one faced with that. Sure as shit if she goes off on a tantrum and one of us has to physically restrain her, I''m pretty sure I''m the only one who has a chance in hell of doing so without actually hurting her. Which I wouldn''t want to do. Pretty sure if I have to, I''m gonna wind up getting hurt, too. Really hope if that happens I don''t snap at her. I mean, I really hope it doesn''t happen in the first place. I''m hoping setting a good example and doing the gentle parenting thing and using words rather than hands will rub off.


    But I worry.


    Still, that little bit of inspiration bought me like half a day of peace while I played with the kids, played seat cushion for Saffron while she coded, helped Marie around the house, sat in companionable silence with Grandma Aetos while we watched Siobhan work, and did calisthenics and sprints in the Practice Yard. I tried some basic isometrics, but stopped when the pavers shifted. Fixed the pavers, but shit, I wish I could find a weight set that would give me an actual workout. I have this feeling, totally unfounded, that the moment I say ''hey, I''m good, I''m strong enough now, I can just do maintenance'', I''ll wind up facing some shit that I''m just not quite strong enough to deal with. That would really suck.


    Best part of the morning had to be Grandma Aetos, at one point when Siobhan bent at the waist to reach a Cadet lying prone on a cot, saying, "nice view." While I choked on nothing, she smirked at me and said, "you collecting blondes for my daughter or something?"If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    I think my brain froze at that point, because my mouth went on autopilot and replied, "I already got the best brunette, and she seems to like them, so..."


    Old biddy laughed her ass of at that. Almost missed it when, after she settled down, she muttered, "I''m glad she has you."


    Of course, right after lunch, Isnomi cornered me. "Mama, I need to thee Conwad."


    I scooped her up, stepped over to Maze and said, "can you take over for a bit?" When she nodded, I stepped us to the Academy Suite in front of the armoire.


    Isnomi looked up at me, and I pulled the armoire door open, then nodded at the door in the back of it. "Well, go ahead." When she reached for the door I coughed and said, "the Workshop is your brother''s private space. Knocking would be polite."


    So she rapped on his door. A moment later, it slid open, and she looked straight at where he''d popped in from the far side of the opening. "Sister! What a pleasant surprise!"


    "Hewwo Conwad. I need hang gwidews."


    I sighed. "Menace, what do you say?"


    She sighed and hung her head a little. "Sowwy, brudda. Can you pwease make hang gwidews fowah owa thithtews?"


    He looked up at me, and I shrugged and nodded down to the Menace. "Somebody pointed out to her that her sisters might want to fly with her. No point in asking them before she knew whether or not she could get them hang gliders of their own."


    "How very... mature. Tell me about these sisters of ours, dear Menace."


    So I sat there most of the afternoon while Isnomi talked to Conrad about her sisters. I definitely learned things about how she viewed them. Funny, she said Lindsey reminded her of Marie. Alex reminding her of me wasn''t that big of a shock, what with the whole wannabe Hero thing. She compared Daya and David to Sister Siobhan, although she definitely said David was the girlier of the pair. Maze reminded her of Saffron. The big shock of the day, both for me and for Conrad, I think, was when she told Conrad that Ria ''smelled like him''. He didn''t take it badly, but I definitely noticed his discomfort with the idea of one of his siblings being ''like'' him.


    Got home surprisingly worn out. Fell asleep in the tub. Dreamt of trying to find that bar of liquid light from the other day. Stupid fatass melanistic orange tabby.


    Spent most of Wednesday just chilling. When I asked Saffron if she minded losing her booster seat, she laughed and said, "after you powering the Black Dragon by yourself on Moonday, and then Co-Locating everywhere while pushing yourself in the Yard on Tyrsday? I''m not surprised your a little tired." She pulled me into a hug, then said, "rest, love. You''ve earned it and more. Remember Marshall duBois'' lesson?"


    It took me a second, then I snorted. "So, time for me to rest up, to refill that well of tough I''ll need when things go to shit and it''s time to fuck shit up?"


    She laughed, and a few moments later attached Siobhan to me. "Concubine Darling, I''ve some delicate work with the Grand Council today; can you see that our Champion takes the rest she so dearly deserves and requires?"


    Siobhan''s eyes had lit up with Saffron''s first two words, and when Saffron finished speaking, she smiled and said, "could you..."


    As she went silent, blushing, Saffron raised a hand to cup her cheek and said, "ask, Siobhan."


    "Could you call me that again?" she whispered.


    Saffron let go of me, turned to face Siobhan, cupping Siobhan cheeks in her hands to draw our Concubine''s mouth down to her own. "As often as you like, Darling."


    That kiss definitely went directly in the pearl polishing folder. New core horny memory unlocked. All without Siobhan''s hands doing anything other than clinging to Saffron''s elbows, while Saffron''s remained on Siobhan''s cheeks. On her face.


    Of course, when she finished, while Siobhan tried desperately to remain vaguely vertical, Saffron turned to me, hopped up to kiss me, then said, "be good for Sister Siobhan Darling. You really do need your rest."


    Sometimes my life here and now leaves me a little confused. Sometimes a lot. Mostly I just roll with it. I mean, that''s what I did today. But I never thought ''being an obedient and faithful spouse'' would involve letting the Concubine my wife seemed more attracted to than me keep me from acting on that new pearl polishing image all day. Mostly by taking very good care of said polishing herself.


    First world problems. Gotta love ''em.

 Day Five Hundred And Sixty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    I''ve mentioned it once or twice before, but I cannot overemphasize the importance of competent subordinates. Competent friends. Competent teammates? I mean, it sounds a little weird to say ''competent partners'', although it sounds less weird when I say it out loud, because out loud it might mean business partners, or tennis partners, or bridge partners. Not that I play bridge. Or tennis, for that matter. But my brain was absolutely thinking sex partners, and anyone who knows me knows it. Inside my head it sounded like ''oh, you''ve got to have competent sex partners, how else are you gonna get that sweet, sweet dopamine when they mess with your lady bits''. Which, even though I was thinking sex and slash or romantic partners, I wasn''t thinking about them being competent at sex. Even though, and I cannot say this often enough, holy shit they absolutely are.


    No, I meant that having... wait, life partners! That''s really closer to what I meant than sex partners. Having life partners who are competent means that you can each rely on the others to do things in their areas of competency. Need a meal cooked? Marie. Need an injury healed? Siobhan. Need an army, monster, God, or other dangerous whatever dead? Me. Need to build a government for a multicultural society, with the capacity and intent to uplift that society to something resembling modern civilization? Saffron. We''ve each got things we do, whether they''re important, like Marie''s jobs, or just convenient, like the rest of us.


    Seriously. Wounds heal, or maybe you die. Monsters might get bored and fuck off, or one of the vast number of monster killers here and now will happen along, and they might not be a bigger or less pleasant monster than the one that had been threatening you. Modern civilization isn''t always what I think it''s cracked up to be. But you gotta eat, and every meal being a fuckin'' gourmet banquet makes everything else that much better. Or less bad, if that''s the way things are. Not to mention Marie''s not half bad at the monster killing her own self.


    Honestly, though, I wasn''t thinking about my lovely ladies. About halfway through my Wife mandated, Concubine enforced day of rest, Marie showed up.


    "S''up, Marie? You wanna join in?"


    She shook her head and held out her hand. "Lancaster."


    "Oh, shit. Siobhan? Si..." I lost a bit of time, then grabbed her by the hair and lifted.


    Seemed totally wrong to lift rather than holding her there to me too, except for the absolutely smug grin on her face when she looked up at me and said, "apologies, my Goddess, but I was almost finished."


    I snorted out a laugh. "Yeah. ''You''. I gotta talk to Larry."


    She shook her head. "You''re supposed to be resting."


    "No, seriously, I left him hanging yesterday. I get that I''m too tired to do what I intended to then, but... are you teaching Basic Two tomorrow?" At her pouty nod, I said, "well then, I''ll be cutting class, so I can do it then."


    "You don''t want me as a teacher?"


    I bopped some casual clothes on both of us, enjoying how Siobhan looked in jeans and a tee shirt, then slipped an arm around her and took Marie''s hand. "You know my line on that. I''d rather have you than have you ''teaching'' me something I already know." I looked at Marie. "Please?"


    She stepped us to the Dining Hall at the Academy. "Commander!"


    I stepped up and gave Larry a quick hug when he stood to greet me. "Hey, Larry. Sorry I flaked on you yesterday. Was testing some new Naval stuff with Saffron on Monday, and it left me a little more strung out than I realized." I looked around and saw a few of my Cadets eating within easy hearing distance. I leaned into the hug and quietly asked, "Do you have any space we could spar in at Lancaster House? Or do you want to come see the Homestead?"


    He chuckled as he pulled away. "Since that Homestead is, technically at least, on Lancaster lands, it behooves me to come and make sure it''s adequately defended and supplied." He laughed a little at the look I gave him. "Oh, please, Commander. You and I both know both are true, but there are forms to be followed." He turned to Bonnie. "Did you want to bring Lucas along?"


    She looked up, tilted her head a second, then said, "All my work at Lancaster House is presently caught up. So long as the Commander doesn''t mind if Euryale and Stheno visit as well?"


    I smiled. "Hey, we''ve even got all kinds of space if you guys decide to spend the night." I stopped for a second, thinking about that, then said, "come to think about it, you could spend the night tonight and tomorrow night. Give you a chance to try the Bath, and another night to enjoy it after what I''ve got planned for the day."


    "We do have plumbing at Lancaster House, Commander." Bonnie snarked.


    "Oh, I know. I absolutely know that. And you absolutely do not understand. But you will. Much to the chagrin of your budget after you decide to copy what we''ve made."


    She smiled up. "Okay, this I must see. The five of us would love to come see your Homestead, Commander."


    With that decided we said our farewells and Marie carried Siobhan and I back to the Bedroom. Marie sat down on the divan and pulled out her knitting, totally smiling at Ice Pop and me without looking at us. Siobhan took the opportunity of me accidentally on purpose not remembering bras under our tee shirts to play around with how cloth deformed when nips nipped, which got me looking at the outfit I''d put her in. Jeans and white tee shirt, complete with a rip right above the cleavage where I''d put it so long ago. I grabbed her by the wrists and said, "Big ask, I know, but can you not move even the slightest bit for a minute? I''ve got to chat with Karen."


    She sighed, but smiled up at me. "Of course, Mistress. May I observe?"


    I couldn''t figure out why she wanted to eavesdrop on my conversation with Karen, hell I couldn''t think of exactly how to hide it from her without deliberately bumping her out, so I said, "sure." Then might have blushed a little when her gaze dropped straight down to where I was making twin tents of my shirt. Karen?


    Yes, my Goddess?


    First, I''m sorry for standing you up on Tuesday.


    She laughed. Quite all right. I showed, and you were there, but you didn''t even notice me, even when I called out to you.


    Oh, shit. I really do need this break day. Anyhow, meet me at the Homestead tomorrow first thing? Before she replied, I had a thought. Unless you''d rather come up and spend the night? I felt her waffling and thought, Marie could make waffles...


    She sighed and I felt her blush. I''d intended to, ah, entertain some guests tonight. As a personal thing, not a Temple thing. I''m not sure if she meant for me to hear her next thought, but it came through as a mutter anyhow, although the lines between those two blur at times like this.


    I laughed. Bring ''em along. Just lemme know how many and how much more food we should make.


    Ah... myself and two others, and... She shot me an image of two of the three of Thomas, Richard, and Harold. I could never tell the difference, honestly. Like, yeah, three totally different guys, clearly, but I had no idea which one was which. Given that they seemed to share one brain cell between the three of them, I''m pretty sure they hadn''t noticed, either. Plenty of extra food, please.


    I couldn''t help but tease her a little. You sure you don''t want us to go light on dinner, and just make a big breakfast. Make sure they''re not too food sleepy for your entertainment plans?


    Champion! She sounded really scandalized for a second, then snorted out a laugh, I think at herself. That''s a wonderful idea. My Goddess is Wise.


    Hey, I got a spot in the Temple of Wisdom along with owning the Temple of Love. My High Priestesses do right by me.


    She shuddered a little, then thought, I''ll see you at dinner?


    See you then!


    I turned back to my little Ice Pop, who may or may not have been engaging in enhancing the reaction she was watching, and said, "Siobhan?" She looked up at me. "Darling?" She shuddered just a tiny bit, her eyes never leaving mine. "I''mma apologize in advance, because this is both maybe rude and probably way more energetic than you want me to be, but I''ve spent the last ten minutes or so being a responsible adult, and I''ve been wanting to do this since, since, well before our date."


    "Wha..." I cut her off by spinning her back to the Bed, then grabbed her shirt at the collar and ripped it into a vest. Then I grabbed her jeans, lifted her, and did the same to them before tossing her back onto the bed, then pouncing on her.


    Good times. Lay there afterward, with her playing with my hair as I half snoozed with my head on her chest. "Tabitha?"


    "Yes, Siobhan?"


    "I''ve been waiting for you to do that since our date too."


    Napped through most of the afternoon. Guess I just needed the right amount of exercise or something. Marie woke me with her claw tips on my calf. "Guests."


    I yawned, stretched, kissed Siobhan, then rolled forward off the bed, pulling her along, until I stood in front of Marie, who also got a kiss. "Okay then. Guess we ought to put something like dressy clothes on?"


    Marie, who had her Maid uniform on, shrugged. I dickered a bit, then dropped Cadet uniforms onto myself and Siobhan. Who immediately squealed and said, "Tabitha! This is most inappropriate!"


    "Yeah. I know. You look cute in it. We''re revisiting this later." Then I switched us both to our High Clergy outfits; The Dress for me, Glowing Midnight for her. A moment of delightful consternation by my Ice Pop later, I added Glowing Midnight''s dress, then held out an arm.


    Siobhan, who still wasn''t exactly perfectly stable in heels, lay a hand on my arm and said, "careful, Hero. Keep doing things like that and I''ll get all kinds of thoughts above my station."


    "I certainly hope so, Archmage Darling." With her blushing bright red, I let Marie step the three of us to the Courtyard, where Saffron stood greeting Karen, the Lancasters, their Maids, and Karen''s hirsute Dragonslayers. I realized immediately that Saffron had popped a Filtration Ward around their arrival spot to keep the worst of the cold out. "Hey guys! Welcome to the Homestead!" I glanced at Marie. "Do we have time for a quick tour before dinner?"


    She nodded, and Saffron took charge. "If you don''t mind abbreviating the external portion of the tour," at Larry''s nod, she started in with the tour guide voice. "To the north and south, set into the walls of this branch canyon, are our ''bunkhouses'', apartments for all save family and guests. To the west is the West Tower, which serves both as lookout and is a functional shot tower."Stolen novel; please report.


    At that point Larry, who''d craned his head back to see the top of the tower, interjected, "I''m sure you can see quite a ways from the top of that... tower."


    Saffron just smiled at him. "We can indeed."


    Tension melted as Larry laughed. "Serves me right for trying to outsmart an Archmage. Still, so long as you can keep eyes on it, you can protect it, which is all that really matters, right?"


    "Just so. To the east, is the East House, residence for our family, as well as, at present, a Dining Room that can seat our current population. There are kitchens and dining rooms in the other houses as well, not to mention plumbing and hearths suitable for cooking in the apartments." At Larry''s inquisitive look, she explained, "while I fully expect most of those living on our Homestead will adjust to the kind of communal living and support we''d like to foster, it''s come to my attention that it''s important for families, even individuals, to have private space that is theirs and theirs alone." When he glanced at Siobhan and I, she smiled and said, "oh, I think the four of us are a bit closer than that, but we''ve also enough space that should one of us require privacy, they can have it as well."


    "It''s lovely, but it''s also cold, and I can''t see it getting warmer with the sun going down," said Bonnie, holding a bundle bigger than her torso which I assumed contained little Lucas. "Shall we get our asses inside before they freeze?"


    "One last thing?" At Bonnie''s nod, Saffron pointed far above the East House. "See the little building up there?" When the others nodded, she said, "that would be Tabitha''s little hideaway she built, at the top of the East House''s back stairs, which the children seem to have named the Bore." When everybody giggled a little at that, she said, "and with that, let''s get inside before Tabitha gets so stiff she lifts her Garb clean off her skin."


    Everybody except Larry and I laughed their asses off at that. After a few seconds, I gave in and laughed too. There wasn''t any kind of harm in it. I''d started to realize that the Persian women, the Maenads, and most of the Camden Yards Bag had the kind of humor you''d call ''earthy''. Downright bawdy at times, although in this case they weren''t implying anything sexual. Just that while I didn''t care about or even notice the cold, my body definitely still reacted to it.


    Totally to the cold, and not where Siobhan''s hands had wandered while nobody could see.


    Okay, maybe both.


    Marie did some really awesome steaks, which turned out to be bear steak. Marinated and grilled or something, but just... wow. Once everybody had a solid dinner in them, Marie led everybody on a tour of her Kitchen, which Euryale and Stheno seemed less interested in than I might have guessed, then up the Bore to the back hallway of the guest rooms. "Use as many of these as you like, we''ve no other guests at the moment." I thought it was kinda neat how she''d totally offered the Maids and the Dragonslayers their own rooms if they wanted. "Or, if you like, you''re welcome to join us in our room. We built our bed with an eye for the future, when at some point we''d like to expand our little family."


    I almost choked when she said ''little family'', because... shit, there were eleven of us. Not exactly what I''d call little. It took my brain a second to realize she''d just invited Bonnie and Larry into our bed, although thankfully the one we used to sleep in, not the Bed, because... Shit, I realized right then that I really couldn''t deny Saffron anything. If she said she wanted an image of me and Larry going at it in her pearl polishing bank for posterity''s sake, I would absolutely take one for the team, just because she wanted it. That definitely had me out of sorts, but mostly in a confused way, when she stepped up into the cubby room and said, "but before you decide on that, before bed we normally all congregate in the Bath."


    Kinda funny. I''d just been thinking about how weird it would be to get busy with my man Larry, but I hadn''t thought about, y''know, his take on the subject. Or what the whole ''public bath'' thing meant for him right now. Like, Karen''s dudes totally took it in stride, stripping down and shoving their clothes and gear into their cubbies without a second thought. Yeah, they stared a little at Karen as she shucked off the Yandere Shobitch Wedding Dress, but it''s not like they were doing the Beavis and Butthead snicker while they did it. Just looking at scenery which I suddenly remembered was, for them, once and future terrain.


    Siobhan handed me off to Saffron for showering, and the two of us were, I guess, the example for everybody else. Euryale and Stheno didn''t shower, at least at first, but instead stood just outside shower range holding and handing washcloths, soap, and such to Bonnie and Larry as they scrubbed down little Lucas and each other. What with nobody else doing the ''sexy bathing'' thing, Karen''s Dragonslayers, who by now I''d picked up were Harold and Richard, although I still had no idea which was which, were a little hesitant at first. After a couple whispered words from Karen, they each picked a shower and set to scrubbing themselves like they were in some kind of competition to see who could exfoliate the most layers of skin.


    What did you say to them? At Karen''s sudden obvious blush, I thought, if you don''t mind telling me, of course.


    I''d sort of assumed she''d decided to stay silent, and gotten distracted when I glanced at Larry and Bonnie, trying to catch a glimpse of Lucas when he giggled, and getting a glimpse of something else entirely, when she replied, the words all coming across in one big rush, everything tastes better clean.


    I totally hid my laughter by kissing Saffron. No groping or anything, just a loving kiss between spouses. Of course, Siobhan and Marie did the same shortly after, each stepping away from the little ones they''d been showering for a moment.


    Watching Larry escort Bonnie and Lucas into the Bath was incredibly sweet, reminding me exactly how much he doted on her and, apparently, his son. Even cuter when the little tyke started giggling and splashing, floating with his head just above water, his pudgy little fists clutching at his dad''s fingers. She shooed them off to slightly deeper water, where Larry could kneel and still be chest deep, then floated over to where Saffron, Siobhan, and I lounged with our heads propped on the side of the Bath.


    I couldn''t hold it in any longer, although I had at least enough class to whisper. "Holy shit, Bonnie. That''s thing''s as big as your arm."


    She snickered. "I told you, Commander. Did you think I was exaggerating?"


    "Yeah, kinda." As she sat there grinning, I said, "how does that even fit?"


    "Oh, half the fun is making it fit."


    I thought about Saffron, and boy mode, and a certain reconstructed temple, and kinda dreamily said, "yeah. Yeah, I can see that."


    Then nearly lost my shit when Bonnie coyly said, "it almost seems you want to try for yourself. Do you, Commander?"


    "Bonnie!" I spluttered out, "I, no, but, I, gah!" After a second more spluttering, I said, "I''m sure he''s not interested."


    She shrugged. "Yet I''m sure he''d do so if I asked him to."


    Saffron got back at me for every bit of fear I''d ever caused her as her next words filled me with silent terror. "I''m sure Tabitha would if I asked her to, as well."


    I''m not sure exactly what was said after that. My brain kinda went on the fritz. Complete denial mode. Kinda thoughtlessly watched the kids bobbing over to gently play around Lucas, watching Larry be a good dad and let his son explore the water safely, play with the other kids just as freely and safely, never quite letting go of him, holding him whenever he seemed nervous, letting Lucas hold on when he seemed brave. I noticed when Euryale and Stheno, dripping from the showers, joined the rest of us in the Bath, wandering over to where Marie had stretched out, then mirroring her. Weird that even naked, even sopping and still, I could pick Marie out. Maybe tell Stheno from Euryale, but definitely pick Marie out of the three of them.


    Praise be to fates, god, Murphy, whoever, but Bonnie and Saffron did not decide to do irreparable damage to Larry and my psyches, and the Lancasters and their Maids chose to stay in the ''guess rooms'' overnight. Pretty sure I saw Harold and Richard dropping their gear in separate rooms on the opposite side of the hall from the room Karen chose. Also pretty sure that the beds wouldn''t need to be made in their rooms in the morning, what with the way they watched her carry her Garb into her room. In case I haven''t made it perfectly clear, I am absolutely thrilled that she''s found companionship that suits her.


    Dreamt of my ladies throwing obviously fake yetis and Arabian horses into my Maw, giggling the whole time. Definitely didn''t snatch said ladies up and gobble them down. More than once. Each. Look, they''re tasty, and they deserved it, and I''m pretty sure the giggles and squeals of glee meant they loved it.


    In the morning, went out to the Courtyard with Karen and Larry. Before we did anything else, I lay a hand on each of their shoulders and hit them with the Jotnar anti-frostbite Boon. Even with Karen in her Cadet uniform alongside Larry, it was still cold, and I wanted them to have their hands free. "Can you guys use some Air Shields to clean this off while I go fetch something?"


    They nodded, and I hopped down to the Academy''s smithy. Jon, just setting his forge up for the day, turned and smiled at me. "Champion Diaz! I assume you''re here for this?" He held out a cloth covered wooden bar.


    I nodded and took it. "How long to make more?"


    He shrugged. "If they''re no more complex than that, we could make a few dozen in a day."


    "Could you have, um, six dozen by Sunday afternoon?"


    That gave him a moment''s pause, but after clearly doing some quick mental math, he said, "we can. Some minor maintenance will need to be rescheduled, but we can."


    "Okay. I''ll let you know by end of day today if we need any modifications."


    He nodded, and I stepped back to the Courtyard, then Co-Located enough to duplicate the one prototype into six, doing a bit of juggling and dropping as I did. If they couldn''t take being dropped onto a hard stone slab, they definitely wouldn''t do for what I wanted. When I''d finished, I had Larry and Karen''s full attention.


    "Okay, guys. I need to test a couple things before we get started. Karen, Blades?" She extended a Mana Blade from each forearm. "Larry, Slayer?" He tilted his head as if to say, ''your funeral'', but pulled Slayer from his belt and extended the Blade. "Okay now, slowly, because I don''t want to do any Reviving I don''t have to, Larry, you swing at Karen. Karen, you block."


    She smiled, realizing I''d figured out exactly why she''d added the Mana Ward core to her blades. Larry slid through a picture perfect overhand chop, telegraphed to allow Karen to get her Blades up in an X and catch Slayer''s Blade between them. Larry looked a little surprised. "That''s unexpected."


    "Karen improved on the basic Mana Blade Shape. Added a Mana Ward core. Mana Wards being the one thing Mana Blades can''t go through."


    Larry tilted his head. "Not at all?"


    I shrugged and looked at Karen. "Really, Champion?"


    "Hey, Saffron''s the Shaper in the household. I just wreck shit."


    She chuckled. "And yet you came up with the Mana Blade Shape in the first place."


    I shrugged. "Which is just the most efficient way to wreck shit."


    She paused in thought while the other two of us waited. "I suppose if someone hit a Mana Ward with a Blade with enough Mana and force behind it, it might break. But the ratios would be..." She huffed out a pouty little sigh. "I know of but one being who might have that much Mana, and even then, I''m not sure if she could overcome even my Mana Ward."


    "Okay, so we can assume that folks dueling with Mana Blades of Karen''s design are going to have to..."


    Larry interrupted me with a gasp. "Slayer has no edge... No, that''s not it. Slayer is all edge. I''ve never thought of that before. I..." He trailed off as he took a few steps back, then started to move across the Courtyard, shadow fencing, but altering his steps and strokes as he moved.


    "Yeah, that would be exactly why he''s here. You know more about the theory behind Mana Blades than anybody else except maybe the Imperator. He''s an expert swordsman who also happens to have a Mana Blade. And now..." I paused a moment, then called out, "hey, Larry!"


    He looked over, startled by how far from us he''d gotten. "Oh! Apologies, Commander! The permutations of... Apologies, I was distracted."


    I laughed. "You got distracted by exactly what I asked you here to do. But..." I waved him over, and he jogged back to us. "Put those away?" They retracted their Blades while I picked up two of the prototypes Jon had made. "I had Jon whip up one of these and duplicated it. It''s about the same size as a Mana Blade, I think? Same size as the ones I use when I''m using them as swords, anyhow, and I''m pretty sure most Bladeplay is gonna wind up using ones that size." I paused. "But I''m not sure sure. So today the three of us are gonna use these to spar with, so tonight I can tell Smith Jon whether he needs to tweak the design at all."


    I definitely needed every bit of rest I''d gotten yesterday. Hell, the two of them wound up needing it, as I delivered multiple Stabilizes through the day, because it turns out that Karen was almost as much of a sword nerd as Larry. I mean, I''ve studied, and practiced, and no doubt or question been in more life-or-death scraps than either of them, but when it came to swording, even the pseudo-swording of Blades and wooden pseudo-Blades, I''m pretty sure Karen had me beat, and Larry was just on another level. Like, she could understand what he was doing, and maybe defend herself mostly, but could barely see what he was doing. I could see it, but didn''t understand it on that deep level, and nine times out of ten I wound up getting my knuckles cracked hard enough to lose my grip on my baton.


    The batons in question were an inch and a half thick at their center, just over three feet long, with blunt, rounded ends and a sort of spindle shape to the shaft. Made of some kind of hardwood, they''d been covered in the same tough burlap fabric as Squadballs normally were, and had the same dusty red dye impregnated in them. Not that any of us needed that to tell us when we''d been hit. Or to tell the others, because swearing was the order of the day, even for three folks who''d played plenty of Squadball in our time.


    At the end of the day, as we all sat tailor style on the cold stone of the Courtyard pavers, Larry panted out, "Commander, I get why you called us here. Blades. But... why the wood, and why the covering?" After he said that, he gave in and sank backwards until he lay on the cold paver, steam rising off him the way it rose off all three of us.


    "Because," I said as I followed his brilliant example, "you are looking at the new Squadballs."


    "They''re not," Karen groaned as her back hit the paver. "Balls though."


    I snorted. "Kinda look like something else, now that you mention it."


    "Commander," said Larry, a slight warning tone in his voice. When I grunted in acknowledgement, he said, "I might take exception if you start referring to these as ''Larrys'' or ''Laurences''."


    I couldn''t help it, I barked out a laugh, then said, "Aw, c''mon, Larry. I''d never do you like that." After a pause where he started stretching to keep himself from tightening up too much, and Karen and I followed his example, I said, "I''d never call you out like that, Larry. Right Karen?"


    She smiled at him beatifically and said, "of course not. That would be most inappropriate."


    I nodded. "Lancasters it is then."

 Day Five Hundred And Sixty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    Definitely glad I got Karen and Larry involved in coming up with some kind of Mana Blade based fighting style. I mean, yeah, I''ve managed to do a fuckton of damage with them, and I''ve definitely hit the point where I can use them almost instinctively in dozens of ways. Knuckle dusters, quills, swords, daggers, lances, big ones, small ones, you name it, I''ve used it to fuck somebody''s day up. Shit, I''ve even gotten kinky with Saffron with them at least once. Not to mention her scarifying my shoulder with one. I''ve also got my stolen Close Quarters Combat Skill and, according to Marshall duBois, a natural gift for wrecking people''s shit. For doing unto others before they do unto me. I think I remember one of my ROTC DIs calling it ''being good with my hands''.


    But all that doesn''t translate really well into what you might call an organized fighting style you can train somebody in. Which, since Karen came up with an even more Mana intensive version of a Mana Blade, and then managed to trim it down to something a couple people in a Mana Network could power, it''s just a matter of time before somebody comes up with an actual Human or Human Adjacent portable, single person powered Shape to create a Mana Blade. When that happens, I want our Heroes to be ready to use it without the typical lead time or horror stories I''ve read and heard about with new weapons.


    Obviously putting a sword master and one of our two best Mana Blade researchers together to come up with something is one part of that. They''ve got all kinds of knowhow, and between the two of them ought to be able to adapt what we know into something useful. I mean, okay, Larry''s young; his dad might actually have more Skill with his spear than Larry does with his sword, and I''d be stupid to think that Marshall duBois'' Close Quarters Combat Skill is lower than Lenny''s Spear Skill. But Larry took on Garland in a one on one where Garland had most of the advantages and managed to win, so for my money he''s a sword master. He also has a Mana Blade of his own that he''s been using, so he has a feel for the weapon''s unique characteristics. Likewise, Doc Roberts might actually have more Mana Shaping Skill than Karen. Not sure. But he''s not a fighter by any stretch of the imagination. He might be the guy to develop the weapon, but not the one to develop the doctrine on using it. Sure, Saffron probably could do that part of the job better than Karen, but she''s swamped already. So, Larry and Karen are my own personal Mana Blade Jutsu Manhattan Project.


    But here''s the thing. One of my old teachers back at Eastside told me about two competing theories of design. ''The Cathedral'' and ''The Bazaar''. There''s a whole book about it. Like, the ''Cathedral'' is what Karen and Larry are doing. Top level experts explicitly told to come up with the best possible whatever it is you''re trying to develop. The ''Bazaar'' is kinda the opposite of that. Instead of being a chosen group of experts given a specific goal and whatever resources they need, the Bazaar is just, anybody who wants to pitch in, everybody spitting out ideas, testing them, throwing away the bad, adjusting the good, coming up with new ideas, testing those, mutating, evolving, coming up with thousands of bad ideas for every half decent one, but still managing to move forward despite all that, because you''ve got so many people working toward the goal. Yeah, you get trolls fucking with shit. Yeah, you get idiots who shouldn''t be there in the first place derailing shit. Yeah, sometimes you asked for a better food processor and you wind up with the next generation of immersion blenders. Or maybe a bleeding edge IED. Thing is, the outlay''s way lower, and you can wind up with some really stupidly brilliant shit, especially if instead of saying, ''come up with a better food processor'', you say, ''figure out a faster, better way to turn all these raw materials into prepped food components''. Because some brilliant asshole out there is gonna drop the slap chop on your ass while your Cathedral is still trying to figure out whether to go plugged in or battery operated.


    Funny thing, probably the reason I remember the discussion at all, was when I raised my hand and asked which was better? Chica blew your girl Tabitha''s mind when she said, "both".


    I mean, that''s my favorite answer to a lot of shit. ''Boys or girls'', ''Saffron or Marie'', ''head or tail''. Both. Both is good. Why don''t we have both?


    Which is exactly why I''m handing Mana Blade trainers to the Cadets on Sunday in place of their Squadballs. Seriously, between Citron''s prior tutoring, Vickerson''s Soldier training, and Hildegarde''s screaming aggression, I''d actually started seeing patterns in how they wielded their Squadballs. I wasn''t the only one; I''d seen Vickerson drilling a few moves Citron had worked out with her squad, and not only had Hildegarde picked up on some others, she was definitely the one in the class with the most effective ''do unto others'' instincts. So starting Sunday my plan was to give each team a baton and see where they went with it. If it worked, I was thinking about giving each Cadet a baton. Worst case, they got a feel for basic melee combat without losing too many limbs. Best case, they came up with shit that Karen and Larry would never think of, because it''s stupid and it works.


    That''s the plan, anyway. If it works, Larry, Karen, and my Cadets are geniuses. If it doesn''t, I''m a dumbass, but everybody knew that already.


    So last night after naming our new batons ''Lancasters'', outvoting Larry two to one, we all shoved ourselves to our feet and wandered in for dinner. Before any of us even got to our seats, Bonnie and Saffron both evicted the three of us, ordering us to get showered before dinner. I didn''t have the energy to walk up the Bore, so I grabbed Larry by the hand and stepped him up to the cubby room.


    "Really, Commander?"


    "You wanna walk up two flights of steps?"


    As he shucked off his clothes, trying gamely to fold them before placing them into a cubby, he muttered, "no. Thank you, Commander."


    I banished my own uniform, stumbling into the shower and letting the hot water wash over me. For the first time in a long time, my muscles ached more than my scars, which had the virtue of novelty at least. A moment later, Karen joined me in the shower next to me, and Larry followed us into the room a moment later. He glanced over at us, then took a shower on the far side of the door, eyes very obviously held above our neck level.


    He muttered something, and I called out, "dude, we are not gonna be upset if you get an accidental eyeful. Shit, it''d be weird as fuck, but I''m too tired to care even if you stare. Not like you''ve got anything to be embarrassed about."


    He snorted, chuckled, then said, "thank you, Commander. But I was just musing on how useful that ability to step from one place to another is."This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.


    I facepalmed, then turned my face into the water to scrub it just a little. When I finished I turned back to him and said, "sorry, Larry. Didn''t think of it. You want it, you got it."


    He froze, staring at me, head tilting. At that point I realized Karen had done the same thing.


    I sighed, rinsed off the last of the soap, and shut off the shower. Shaking my head as the other two did the same, I said, "Larry, I''m sure by now you''ve heard that I''m the official Patron Demigoddess of the Alliance, right?"


    He nodded. "Of course, Commander. I was... mildly surprised that you''d chosen the Temple of Love; I''d half expected you to claim the Temple of Storms." When I raised an eyebrow, he explained. "The gods who enjoy fighting for fighting''s sake tend to congregate there."


    I slumped. That genuinely kind of hurt. "Larry? Do you really think that about me?"


    Give him credit, he stopped and thought about his response. "You seemed to enjoy the sparring today."


    "Yeah. Sparring. Honestly, I''m as surprised by this as you are, but it turns out that once I got myself in some kind of shape, I actually like sports. Playing them, not watching. Well, okay, now that I can play I appreciate good players more. But that''s just it. Sparring? That''s a sport. That''s something I can enjoy guilt free."


    Karen chose that moment to quietly interject. "You do seem to enjoy combat, though. If your cause is just, I see no reason you would feel guilt then."


    "Who decides, though?" At the look in both their eyes, I barked out, "oh, hell no. Yeah, if I''m fighting in defense of my friends or family, or, y''know, my extended friends and family in the form of the Alliance, sure. Fighting monsters who won''t fuck off back to the woods, again, sure. But I don''t care how hard I get off on it, I am not gonna start looking for ''righteous causes'' and shit."


    At that point, I did not expect the two of them to look at each other, then break out into quiet chuckles. "Apologies, Commander. It''s just... I see. I suppose if I''d given it more thought I''d have expected you to take the Temple of Justice." At my questioning look, he said, "fighting for a cause." Before I could argue, he very firmly said, "defense of those you love is a cause, Commander. Never think it''s not."


    "She does more than defend those she loves, though," said Karen. "She nurtures them. She provides for them. She does everything she can to show her love." When I looked at her, she said, "I''ve... when I''ve been alone in prayer sometimes I''ve watched, to learn more of who you are."


    "Disappointed?"


    She smiled at me. "Never." After a pause. "Although I''m a little confused as to why you''d grant Boons to someone not of your Clergy?"


    I snorted. "Ask High Priestess Saffron Rae some time. I give that shit out like candy on Halloween. But more importantly. Larry? You know Karen is my Highest Priestess, right?" He nodded. "Karen, Larry is my Champion."


    "Wait, I''m... no, you did declare me that when I dueled Garland, didn''t you?"


    "I did."


    He got a bit of a contemplative look and muttered, "I never really thought I''d wind up Champion of... anything. Especially once I took you as Patron." Then he smiled. "I suppose this is one of those cases of... Good deeds coming back to benefit someone?" He knelt smoothly, "I''ll try to live up to my title, then, Commander."


    I stepped over, reached down, and lifted him to his feet, slapping jeans and tee shirts on both of us before pulling him into a hug. "You know me, Larry. All that bowing and scraping and blowing smoke up my ass just isn''t my thing." With a bit of focused will, I hit him with the Boon of Translocation. "There you go. You need to be somewhere, you envision it, you step to it, and you''re there."


    A moment later, he was gone. Karen looked at me. "Does he know?"


    I sighed. "No. No, he doesn''t."


    "Is he..."


    "Yeah, he''s my Champion. I get one. He''s mine. Tabitha Diaz mine, and Mimic mine."


    She pondered that for a second, then said, "he really ought to know."


    "Yeah, he ought to."


    "Can I tell him?"


    I sighed again. "Just don''t be mean about it, okay?"


    She pouted. Imperator?


    Yes, Karen?


    As Priestess High of Mimic, may I wear the dress? The black one?


    I have no objection, so long as Tabitha doesn''t.


    "Hey, I think the wedding dress suits you, but I think I''m biased." When she looked the question at me, I admitted, "I like slutty better than classy. But if you need my okay, you''ve got it."


    Larry jogged into the room a moment later, shaking his head. "Apologies, Commander. I stepped back to my own suite at Lancaster House, and it took me a bit to properly envision the Baths here." Blushing a little, he explained, "I wound up having to come back via the Courtyard."


    "Yeah, we certainly spent enough time there today. The verb is ''Translocate'', by the way. Be careful with it, but it''s the same basic Skill used to Co-Locate. Just... step to somewhere else, but when you''re just about to Translocate, you both finish the step and don''t."


    He blinked. "I, ah, think I''ll leave that for another time, if you don''t mind."


    At that point, Karen said, "now?"


    I shook my head. "Fuck it, why not?"


    A moment later Karen stood there in the Yandere Shobitch Wedding Dress, glittering even in the dim light of the Bath. "Champion. It''s good to formally recognize you."


    He chuckled. "I suppose it''s good to know that, should my father be displeased with my efforts at Lancaster House, my family will have a place to turn to if he throws us out."


    "If he can. If he dares." Karen''s words had the hard intonation of a zealot reciting doctrine.


    Larry snorted. "Oh, please. I''m a talented swordsman, and have some combat experience, but my father is a High Priest of Odin, the second best fighter of his generation in Phileo, perhaps in all of Atlantis." He nodded to Karen, admitting her point without her having to make it, "certainly I''m the Champion of a Demigoddess, but... how much weight does that Title carry? Enough to tip the scales in my favor? I doubt it."


    Karen just smiled at him. Her smile got wider as he met her gaze and she whispered, "Goddess, could you assure our privacy?" I nodded, spreading my Blend around the room until the Bath was a fanciful daydream. Her gaze never letting his go, Karen whispered. "There is a secret of the Temple you really ought to know, since you''re our Goddess'' sworn man and Champion. A secret which she''s kept from you only because even knowing it could expose you and yours to danger, and she would never do so willingly without reason. But as you''ve just said, there is reason for you to know. So you know just how much your title of Champion means." She shimmied, Glowing Midnight replacing her normal Garb.


    Larry, as I''ve said before, has some quickness in him. Not just below the neck, either. His eyes darted down, then back to her face, then to me. Then he disappeared. He reappeared a moment later, Slayer extending. Before I could react, his knee hit the floor in front of me, Slayer extended and laying across his other forearm, sizzling gently. "It was you. You saved my son. Didn''t you?"


    I nodded, then realized he hadn''t raised his eyes above my ankles. "Yeah, Larry. I did. That was me."


    "So I owe the life of my son to being the Champion of Mimic?"


    "No, Larry. My Domains, the reason I took the Temple of Love, the reason Karen''s building a whole assed school in there, and why there''s one in each of the other Temples to me around the Alliance, none of that is a lie. A kid was in danger. I saved them. That''s what I do."


    He looked up at me, tilting his head. "So which are you? Tabitha Diaz, Champion of the Alliance, or Mimic, the Walking Ragnarok?"


    "I''m me. I''m both of those. I''m neither, I''m just a kid from the streets with a knack for wrecking shit. But I swear to you, Larry Lancaster, Champion mine, I''ve never lied to you about who I am, about what I''m about. You know me," I smiled, laughter in my voice as I said, "I''m way too much of a dumbass to keep up an act for that long."


    He looked back at the ground. "You saved my brother. You saved my love. You saved my son." Then he looked up, lifting Slayer up toward me, still held horizontal. "For good or for ill, Tabitha Diaz, Mimic Reborn, you have my sword."

 Day Five Hundred And Sixty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    Kinda funny, but I never really put a lot of thought into the Lancasters since last Spring Equinox. Not as a family, as a House, or as a, I dunno, community. Really weird since I pretty much fuckin'' lived in the Imperator''s Suite at Lancaster House for a big chunk of that time. That''s nearly a year now, and shit has changed, to put it mildly.


    It''s not just Bonnie''s influence, either, I don''t think, or Larry''s intent to undo the really awful shit his family had done. Yeah, both of those are definitely driving most of the changes, not to mention feeding off each other, but I get there''s a lot of other shit that''s going on as well. For one thing, there aren''t any ''Heroes Lancaster'' except Lachlan at this point, and Lachlan never really struck me as the kind of asshole who would deliberately oppress people. Incidentally, sure, because he''s an utter himbo, and if the social norm was passively oppressing people, he wasn''t the sort to fight against the social norm. But now that his brother and sister-in-law are pushing for something approaching equality, both gender and racial, I think he''s in a lot better place. He''s the kind of guy who wants to be a real Hero, the kind of person people turn to when they''re in trouble.


    Lenny hasn''t been around either, from what I can tell. Other than brief trips to celebrate events like the Imperator''s birthday or his son''s wedding, I don''t think he''s left Alliance HQ since the Alliance was founded. Then again, the man is definitely the sort to sniff out the seat of power, then try to sit in it. Of course, in this case the seat of power is whichever one is under my beautiful Kitten''s luscious ass, and I think she''d object if he tried to play seat cushion for her. Not entirely sure about what she''d do if he sat in her lap. Crap, now I''ve got that image in my head, and it''s not nearly as sexy as the thought of Lachlan sitting in her lap would be.


    Thing is, looking at our own place, looking at some of the other Homesteads we saw, and then looking at Lancaster House with fresh eyes, I can see where it might not have been built as a misogynists'' paradise. Seriously. I didn''t realize this until a while later, but much like we''ve got connections between all of our buildings underground, Lancaster House''s three main buildings are all connected, but down on the lower floors, and via the Women''s Quarters. So, y''know, the whole ''all the women locked in the Women''s Quarters'' wasn''t quite as hardcore as it might have seemed. Of course, the Dan women wouldn''t go through the ''servants quarters'' if their lives depended on it, and I''m not sure the pre-Larry Lancasters actually considered non-Dan ''Women''. Also, I''m not sure if there were any one way locked doors down in the basements. Maybe there were, maybe not.


    But when you look at it, those quarters that you have to go through two bunkhouses of Volunteers or three stories of Heroes to get to are definitely the most protected places in Lancaster House. Which kinda looks a little like our kid''s bedrooms, if you squint just the right way. I guess what I''m saying is that Lancaster House might not always have been as awful as it was when I found it. Thhing is, I don''t think Lenny made it that way, either. Maybe there was some seriously fucked up misogynist Lancaster, or maybe it just slipped bit by bit until ''Dan uteruses awaiting Lancaster sperm'' was all the Women''s Quarters contained, but I''m pretty sure Lenny himself grew up with that as a kind of assumed thing. Yeah, he didn''t pull his head out of his ass and do better, but to be fair to him, which I cannot fucking believe I''m saying, because I''m suggesting being fair to Leonard fucking Lancaster, the man who stabbed me in the hand before we were properly introduced. But to be fair to him, Larry didn''t autocorrect his cranial rectal inversion either.


    That took me grabbing him by the hair and pulling, hard, followed by Bonnie grabbing him by the ears and ramming his face in her cooch. Or her tits. Or her face. She really is pretty. I guess my point is that even Lenny was a product of his environment. But for the grace of me, Larry would be just like him, only with a heaping helping of short man''s disease.


    So after Larry, Karen, and I got done in the showers, we all stepped back down to dinner, where Larry and Karen went to town on Marie''s cooking. I think Harold and Richard might have gotten a little intimidated watching Karen pack the food away, but credit where it''s due, they didn''t hesitate when, as Marie brought out dessert, some kind of gourd pie that wasn''t pumpkin, she stood, stretched, and said, "I''m for bed." They looked at her, looked at each other, nodded, and stood up to follow her. They didn''t even have a direct line to her brain letting them know how much she''d hoped they''d follow, or how much she was giggling with barely suppressed glee when they did.


    When we all went up for after-dinner baths, Larry handed Lucas off to Euryale and Stheno, who joined Marie and the kids playing in the water, then drifted over to where Bonnie, Saffron, Siobhan and I were soaking. "Ladies. Commander, I... I take it your wife knows?"


    "She does." I let that hang, then smiled and said, "as does Siobhan."


    Bonnie''s eyes narrowed just a little. "What is this that everyone else here knows that I don''t?"


    I nodded to Larry, "go on. She''s your wife." Before anybody could get bent out of shape about that, I said, "you know her better than any of us."This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.


    She smiled. "He does." Then he leaned over and, after taking a deep breath, whispered in her ear. She frowned, turned to him, and said, "is that some kind of a joke?" He shook his head. "You''re serious." He nodded. She turned to the three of us, then focused on me. "I don''t remember all my Dan lore, but... Domnu''s daughter, right?"


    "Ayep."


    She just nodded. "That explains a few things."


    At that point Larry blinked, obviously surprised by his wife''s composure, and said, "what things?"


    She just grinned at him, baring her teeth, then raised her right hand to tap at her matte black teeth with one matte black fingernail. "Oh, just things."


    "You''re taking this well," I said.


    She shrugged. "If you told me tomorrow you had plans to spirit us all away and eat us or something, I might feel some kind of way, but even then, we''ve had a year we wouldn''t have had otherwise." She pulled Larry to her, nuzzling him before saying, "the absolute happiest year of my life."


    I chuckled a little. "Yeah, no plans to do anything like that. Worst case I might ask you to babysit in an emergency or something."


    Everybody laughed at her look of mock horror, especially when she mouthed the words, "even Isnomi?" and that was that. Gotta hand it to Bonnie, she''s totally embracing the ''lost all my fucks when I died, any I generate are for Larry''s exclusive use'' lifestyle.


    Of course the kids wanted Lucas to sleep over with us. Which entailed Bonnie and Larry doing so as well. Which, since our big circular bed was totally big enough to fit a whole fuckin platoon, wasn''t a problem, but Bonnie and Saffron took especial glee in both ''adhering to the norms of the house'' and ''centering the heads of household, as was right and proper''. Which meant Larry and I wound up sleeping back to back, butts and backs pressed together. Both of them seemed vaguely disappointed that no shenanigans occurred. I mean, yeah, he and I both know that if the two of them straight up looked us in the face and said ''we wanna watch you to fuck, get to fuckin'', we''d totally do it, because we dote on our spouses, but barring them being that blatant about it, it''s just not gonna happen, because, I mean, he''s Larry. Whether I think of him as my sworn man or guaranteed emetic or your money back, he just does nothing south of the border. Fuck, I slept with my ass against his all night long, and my nips remained stubbornly unstiffened.


    Definitely gotta avoid letting them know that, though. As long as fuckin'' possible. Because those two absolutely would do that just to watch the least sexy sexy times ever while laughing their asses off.


    Spent most of the day letting the kids show off their rooms to Lucas, which mostly meant showing them off to Bonnie while Larry and I followed along chatting about the difference between blades and Blades. Okay, the kids had, like kids will do when they have their own spaces, started accruing stuff. Mostly just random shit they''d found while playing outside, but each of them had a few things that surprised me. Ria had added some really nice sketches of her sisters to her walls, and if Alex''s was any indication, intended to turn those sketches into full fledged paintings. Menace had added what she called a ''There Thing'' to her pictures on her wall; pretty clearly a Nightmare. Alex actually had what she called a ''sword''. Which was a bone shiv almost but not quite big enough to be a short sword for her. Apparently Marie taught her how to make it. Absolute bro that he is, Larry showed her a couple stances and moves to practice. Lindsey also had bones in her room, but in her case it was the start of a collection of a few little skulls and other bits. Like, squirrel sized skulls. Oddly uncreepy, because each skull had either some fur, some feathers, and some other bits next to it, and she knew what kind of animal each one came from. Again, Marie, who''d shown her how to gather them and preserve them. Maze had a bookshelf she''d started putting books on. Copies of Pratchett, because my little Pony Girl is awesome like that. She read a chapter to Lucas, who mostly sat and drooled, because he is a normal two month old, not Isnomi the wunderkind. David had a couple dolls Marie had sewn, and let Lucas hold one for a bit, and barely winced at all when the crotch goblin did as crotch goblins do and nommed at it. David whispered to Marie while everybody looked at Daya''s ''dollhouse'', which was barely four walls at this point, but looked pretty good for something put together by a little kid.


    David absolutely got scooped into a big hug when, right before the Lancasters headed home after lunch, Marie handed him something, and he walked over and handed Lucas his very own little stuffed Kraken. Menace jumped into my arms and glomped David as well, whispering, "you gedded him hith own Mithdew Kwaken."


    Now and then I worry at how our kids are progressing, what with there being a whole fuckin'' squad of them, but it turns out that between the four of us, we''re not doing a half bad job.


    Spent the night after the kids went to sleep celebrating how well they were growing and maturing, and what a good job we were doing as moms. Mostly horizontally, but it''s a dance we all know the steps to and enjoy. Especially a certain Ice Pop, who insisted that she wasn''t really a ''mom'', just kind of an aunt or something. She is so definitely on the ''to be gotten pregnant'' list, if only so she''ll admit to how much she deserves momming props. Not like I haven''t heard stupider reasons for having a kid.


    Today I spent the morning keeping the peace while the Cadets warmed up, stretched, then did duBois off-brand Tai Chi, then did the same thing in the afternoon for Basketball. Doesn''t require all that much, because Vickerson is a professional, Citron is trying to project an image of ''nobility'' or some shit, and Hildegarde has learned that if she waits until approved ''Citron beating'' opportunities, I let her get away with a lot more. No idea why she''s like that, but if I had to guess, it''s something to do with her using him as a surrogate for every Jarl who ever used her like a disposable party favor. I think I''ll have to intervene there at some point, but for right now, they''re pushing each other, hard, when it comes to everything they do in both of my classes. So long as neither of them kills the other or anybody else permanently, worst case we just station them at opposite ends of the Alliance when they graduate.


    Or, I dunno, tell them whoever kills the most Spartans is the ''winner'' of whatever little feud they''ve got going. Whatever works.

 Day Five Hundred And Sixty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, sometimes I get what I think is a good idea, but it turns out to be a dud. Other times it really is as good an idea as I thought, but somehow I wind up fucking it up. Jury''s still out on the new ''Lancasters'', but it seems almost like this is one of those rare occasions where I get an idea, it sounds cool, I implement it, and do not fuck it up beyond all recognition. Of course, that might be because I got help at every step of the way.


    Seriously, I got Jon''s help making the things, and I kinda suspect he''s one of the guys who came up with the Squadballs in the first place. Okay, maybe not ''came up with'', but definitely was involved in making the ones they use at the Academy. Then I pulled in Karen and Larry to help me test out the weight and reach and whether or not they actually work as Mana Blade Trainers.


    The answer on that, by the way, is a qualified ''maybe''. The reach is just about right for a typical Mana Blade, inasmuch as there is a ''typical'' Mana Blade. Larry and Slayer are the only ones with a fixed length and width, so I guess he''s the metric to compare everything to. He complained a little about the grip not being great, but then Slayer''s grip is still the grip from his old sword, which was custom crafted to fit his hand. Unlike the batons, which are gonna be mass produced to be equally shitty for everybody. Good Training and all that. Of course, Karen pointed out that she and I and Saffron all extrude them from wrists or hands rather than holding them like a sword. Then she kind of killed her own point when she admitted that most Mana Blade users, at least any who can''t get Mana straight from their Deity or carry a few close friends in a backpack to feed them Mana through a Network, will probably do some kind of Artificing to create an item to handle the actual Shaping. Larry''s Blade pulls straight from Mimic''s nigh endless Mana supply, but apparently objects that do ''Mana in, Shape out'' are a little more efficient than manually Shaping stuff. Which means Slayer is using Mimic''s limitless Mana efficiently. Sort of like LED bulbs in a reactor control room, but I''m not gonna complain.


    Short version, they''re the right length, roughly the right width, and they''ll get the Cadets used to ''if the Blade hits you, you''re fucked, so dodge, parry, or get fucked''.


    After two nights of the Lancasters visiting, our girls seemed a little down when we all went up for baths. Menace swam over to me as my ladies and I lay there soaking in the heat, then clambered up to sit right on top of my tits. Fortunately she''s still on the small side, and she''d decided to stay at her smallest. "Mama?"


    "Yes, Menace?"


    "You should ''dopt Lucas."


    I blinked. "Uh, he has two parents, both of whom are more than capable of parenting him. Not to mention a pair of nursemaids."


    "You ''dopted Ria tho."


    I nodded. "Yeah, although technically we''re Fostering her."


    "Whas differenth?"


    I shrugged. "From my perspective? Not much at all. She''s my daughter. She''s still Tallulah''s daughter though. I think Lady Crow thinks she''s safer and happier here, and that''s why she hasn''t made a big deal out of how it started as kind of a political thing maybe."


    "So Foster Lucas?"


    I snorted. "Why exactly are you so keyed up about getting Lucas to live here?"


    "He''th fun!"


    "He''s two months old. He''s less interactive than you were when I met you. He drinks milk, shits, and thinks ''peek a boo'' is the height of mystery games."


    "He''th thtill fun."


    "I''ll tell you what. Bonnie and Larry both liked the Bath. I''ll let them know they''ve got a standing invitation to visit, and I''m sure they''ll show at least once every couple weeks."


    She pouted a little, but accepted that compromise. "Wanna not be littlest."


    "That is a really awful reason to adopt someone, you know." She just shrugged, so I snuggled her and said, "wanna know a secret?" She nodded, eyes wide, "You know your Mom and I are gonna marry Marie, right?"


    "Yeth! I be floweh giw ''gain!"


    "Yes you will! But you remember last time you talked about wanting a little sister?" She nodded, and I pulled her in close to whisper, "when we''re married, Marie and I are gonna make you one."


    She gasped. So cute. "Wiwwy?"


    At that point Marie ended the conversation as she was wont to do by saying, "Several."


    Yeah, not sure I''m copacetic with the idea of doubling our child loadout with one pregnancy, but honestly? Fuck it. She does most of the work anyhow, so if she wants more, all I''mma say is ''Go Murder Mittens Go''. I mean, I''ll help out every way I can, and I''m sure Saffron and even Siobhan will as well, but let''s face it, I may be slightly more maternal than a cheese grater now that I''ve started to grow up a little, but Marie would absolutely win any momming competition she was entered into, hands down.


    Got a full night''s sleep, dreaming of the ladies melting in my Maw almost like they''d done in the Bath earlier. Gotta get Tallulah back up to the Bath sometime soon, she really ought to touch base with Ria at least once a week, working Boss Mom or not.


    When the Combat Training class formed up, I let them know the schedule was a warmup run, stretching, an hour of paired Isometrics, then Squadball until lunch, then Squadball until about two hours before dinner. Of course, I didn''t tell them about the changes until after I had them all warmed up and ready to go.


    With them all broken out into teams, but looking around for the conspicuously absent Squadballs, I announced, "starting today, we won''t be using Squadballs. Instead," I stepped away to the smithy, stepped back with two bags full of the new lancasters, then started tossing one to each team. "we''ll be using these. All the other rules remain the same."


    I''d kept my attention divided between my three problem children, and their reactions were noteworthy. Citron head tilted a little, but on testing the weight realized that the batons were balanced not unlike swords. No bet whether he''d had the same general kind of sword training as Larry before coming to the Academy. Hildegarde... there''s this kind of slow motion feral grin I''ve seen some people get, and she definitely got one right then. Where Citron held his baton in one hand, working his wrist to see what motions worked and what didn''t with the less than perfectly swordlike grip, Hildegarde grabbed it with both hands like a fuckin'' baseball bat. I had no doubt she would be attempting to use Citron''s head like a ball. Fuck it, nobody here was a Sidhe, so I could Revive them with normal amounts of Mana if need be.


    Vickerson''s response shouldn''t have been surprising. She raised her hand, using the lancaster to make it a little more obvious, and when I nodded to her asked, "why the change, Ma''am?"


    I smiled at her, trying to be all mysterious, probably failing badly, but fuck it, gotta make your own fun when you can. "I''ll be explaining that before dinner. Right now I don''t want to give you guys any preconceptions."


    "So how are we supposed to use them?"


    I shrugged. Then I picked one of the extras out of the bag and turned to face the nearest wall. "You can throw them like this," I tossed it like I''d seen dudes throw throwing knives, tumbling end over end until it bounced off the wall and came back to me. duBois training for the win, I managed to catch the sucker before it brained me. Stung a little, but such is the price of looking cool. "Or you could maybe make it harder to dodge by doing this," I threw it at the wall again, only this time the spin was horizontal, turning it into a chest-height wooden weed whacker. This time when it bounced it flew off to the side, and I stepped over and caught it before it brained one of the Cadets prematurely. "You can also do this, which is easier to dodge, but maybe a little more accurate, and harder to block." I wound up and threw it like a javelin. It bounced off the wall again, this time coming straight back at me. Dunno what Jon did to the things to give them that kind of bounce, but definitely glad for all that time learning to catch shit flying at my face back when I was in Combat Training. "Or," I said, stepping over to right in front of her, "you can do like Cadets Citron and Hildegarde seem to prefer, and just tap somebody with it." I gently bopped her on the top of the head, causing a little of the red powder to mark her.The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    She shook her head to get the powder off, but otherwise seemed to understand. "For today, we''re starting with one lancaster per team."


    "Lancaster, Ma''am?" asked Citron.


    I shrugged. "Just a working name. You can call them batons if you prefer. Or just ''New Squadballs''. Any more questions?"


    That got a general reply of ''no, Ma''am'', so I put the rest of the batons away and, after letting them all get to their spots and setting up the Wards marking each team''s ''starting area'', let loose the dogs of war.


    Big winner in terms of points scored or rounds won today was Vickerson''s team. Dunno where she got the idea, but they went ''all Casters'', then moved as a unit from team to team, taking out opposing Casters and taking their batons until all four of them were armed. For what it''s worth, their whole team and most of the others got the idea pretty quick that it didn''t take a full on swing to make a resounding ''bonk'' noise and a puff of red on somebody, so they didn''t. Most of them also got really into the spirit of ''dodge, parry, or get bopped'', with only one weird dude from Norfolk actually seeming to find getting bopped funny or fun.


    Then there were Citron and Hildegarde. Every round, their teams basically formed a circle around the two of them, giving them a little arena to duke it out in. First round Hildegarde managed to ring Citron''s bell but good. No concussion, no need for an Infirmary visit or even a Heal, but he did go from upright and poised to sitting on his ass blinking in zero point zero seconds flat. I almost thought I''d have to intervene when she raised her baton in a two handed grip, but all she did was bring it down on his baton, which he''d retained his grip on, and knock it out of his hand.


    We got three full rounds in before lunch, and the next two rounds he managed to adjust to the fact that Hildegarde hit like a fuckin'' freight train. I think she''d been doing some weight training or something, or maybe it was just getting a decent high protein diet for the first time in her life, but she''d put on some serious muscle since start of Season. Still nothin'' next to me or Angel or Bill, but impressive enough that Citron took her seriously. Of course, that meant the next two rounds he managed to take her out; the first time he managed to smack her hands, then the baton, which disarmed her, at which point he just bopped her firmly on the shoulder. Right before lunch though I did wind up having to intervene, because even if I would have been pissed by somebody smacking me on the ass with a lancaster, it was still well within the rules. Shit, it wasn''t even life threatening or anything. Okay, not for her. For him, it might have qualified as assisted suicide if I hadn''t stepped over, then stepped her to the roof for a moment, Co-Locating to keep a presence in the Yard.


    "Oi! Cadet! Chill!"


    "You saw what he did!"


    I nodded. "Yeah. Took you out with a shot to the ass."


    "He slapped me. On the ass. With his baton."


    "Yeah, and?"


    She screamed incoherently, and might have leapt back to the Yard if I hadn''t been holding her by one shoulder. At which point she realized that burgeoning muscles or no, I was still stronger than her by enough that I didn''t even move when she lunged. "Tell me you wouldn''t be mad if he did that to you!"


    I shook my head. "Oh, I''d be mad. Mad at him for being a jerk about it. Mad at myself for telegraphing so bad he could pull that kind of shit. Oh, I''d be all kinds of mad. But I wouldn''t lose my shit unproductively."


    "Oh, and how do I ''productively'' lose my shit?"


    I smiled at her. "You do a pretty good job normally. Tell me you aren''t working out some anger every Sunday." She just grumped at me. "Yeah, thought so." I paused, then said, "Look, Cadet. I''d be lying if I said I never kicked the shit out of another Cadet and enjoyed it. If you''ve got balls big enough, ask Laurence Lancaster about our sparring match some time. Or Karen Smith about her ''escort mission''. But you gotta keep it within the rules of engagement."


    "Which are?"


    "You know that, but just to be clear, you can only hit him with the baton, and once either of you land a hit, it''s over until the next match." She huffed out a sigh, but nodded. "You got it under control?"


    "Yes, Ma''am."


    "Okay, it''s time for lunch. Think about how he beat you those last two rounds. Learn from it. Come back better after lunch."


    She did. Oh, fuck did she ever. By the end of the day, she''d been sent to the Infirmary for crushed phalanges twice. Meanwhile he''d only gone down to the Infirmary once, but even though I could find out by shapeshifting and getting stupid, I don''t think I will go to that extent to find out what an actual crushed testicle feels like. Seriously, she only got one hit in for every two of his, but then, she hadn''t been trained in the sword, and just about every hit she got was some kind of really wild full body feint followed by a parry or dodge that put her in a position to bring that fuckin'' baton around at him with every ounce of strength she could. At one point she got him right in the forehead with an overhand chop. He parried, but somehow she managed to avoid him deflecting the force, and drove his own baton into his nose as hers caught him on the forehead. Not hard enough to crack his skull or anything, and I did check, but definitely hard enough to ring his bell and keep him sitting on the paver right the fuck there until the next round.


    Funniest round of the day had to be the last, when due to fatigue or learning curve or whatever, the two went head to head, neither one tagging the other, until Vickerson''s squad leapt into their section of the Yard and proceeded to first take out Citron and Hildegarde''s teammates, then come at the pair of them. Vickerson herself nearly got Hildegarde from behind, and Citron blew my mind when he parried that shit. Then looked Vickerson right in the eye and said, "wait your turn!" Then kinda spoiled his point by bopping her upside the head. A moment later two of her teammates caught him from behind, one on each shoulder. Hildegarde went off. Like, I don''t know if she appreciated his save, or just got pissed somebody else took him out, but two of Vickerson''s teammates wound up needing infirmary visits for broken arms. The last one managed to get her, a two handed bonk right to the crown of her head which set her on her ass without actually breaking anything. Still a pretty good showing for the whole ''learn to do by doing'' thing.


    I got permission from Siobhan to bring those two back up before she saw them, their arms held straight by the simple expedient of wrapping some gauze around their lancasters. I didn''t want them to miss the point of the exercize.


    Karen? Could you bring Larry to the Practice Yard?


    A moment later, the pair arrived, both in their Cadet uniforms. While everybody looked on curiously, I pulled out a Squadball I''d saved for this occasion. "Okay, guys. you all know Squadball is meant to help you learn a bit about squad tactics, and to get you used to the kind of combat that Heroes excel at. Right?" They all nodded. "Thing is, combat has moved well beyond ''I hit you with a rock''" I mimed smacking somebody with the Squadball, and that got a few laughs.


    Citron raised his hand though. "Isn''t Squadball meant to help get Cadets used to utilizing offensive Shapes and Spells in combat though?"


    I nodded. "Yeah, to an extent, but," I tossed the ball up and down in my hand. "This would be an equivalent to a Fire Bolt or something like that, right?" He nodded. I shouted, "Karen! Shields up!" and without any other warning threw a Fire Bolt at her. It splashed off the Mana Ward she''d instinctively thrown up at my shout. Nice job.


    Good think I didn''t have an actual shield.


    Yeah, I''d have thrown at Larry if he had his Dragonslayer shield with him, just to underscore the point.


    "As you can see, direct spells like that can be countered, and the ephemeral nature of them means that the target can leave their Ward, or if their defense is some form of armor like Cold Iron or Dragon Hide, just come at you while you''re catching your breath. On the other hand, Larry? Slayer?"


    He extended the blade, and I lobbed the Squadball at him. It landed in quarters. "As you can see, the state of the art in Combat Shapes is, in fact, Mana Blades. Cadets Smith and Lancaster, would you be so kind as to demonstrate a bit for the class?"


    "Rules of Engagement, Commander?"


    I smiled as the class kind of boggled at Larry fuckin'' Lancaster, Heir Lancaster and current ruler of the House itself, called me ''Commander''. "Try not to injure or kill each other? That shit''s a pain to fix."


    He smiled. "No or light contact, no contact preferred." He turned to face Karen. "Ready?"


    She rolled her neck, shook out her shoulders, then extended a Mana Blade from each wrist. "I think this is somewhat in your favor, but I''m ready when you are."


    About thirty seconds in, I couldn''t help myself, and the Duel of the Fates started playing. Low, just background music, but holy hell it fit. Larry was definitely better than Karen, no question, but she''d known that from the start, and fought almost entirely defensively, not to mention reconfiguring her Mana Blades on the fly a couple times, something Larry couldn''t match. Back and forth across the end of the Yard they sparred, stopping whenever one of them had a clear shot, or a couple times when one of them tapped the other just hard enough to leave a burn mark on their jacket. By the end of the demonstration, the score was nineteen for Larry, three for Karen, but it hadn''t ever been intended as a real competition; just a demonstration.


    I turned to my absolutely rapt audience, picked up one of the batons, held it in one hand while I extended a Mana Blade from the other. "You guys get the point yet?"

 Day Five Hundred And Sixty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    So I''m kinda torn. On the one hand, I''ve got this leftover idea in my head that weddings should each be unique and special and perfect, and if they''re not, it''s somehow a horrible thing that bodes ill for the marriage. I mean, even back in the day that couldn''t be all that true, though. Seriously, think about it from the perspective of somebody who does weddings for a living. There''s gotta be people like that, right? Say they do a wedding a day, seven days a week, three hundred sixty five days a year. That''s almost four hundred weddings a year. You can''t tell me that those don''t sort of blend together, with the really unique ones maybe standing out, but even there they''ve probably got things in common. White dresses, black tuxes, or maybe white tuxes depending on where you''re from. Bridesmaids. Best man. Nervous soon to be spouses. Even the wacky shit like people running away from the wedding has to happen multiple times a year for folks like that. So how can any of them be really unique, or special, and don''t even get me started on something in the real world being perfect.


    I''m trying to sort out Marie''s wedding. Our wedding, I know. Marie and Saffron and I. But Saffron and I are already married. What with Marie living with us, from a certain perspective it''s almost like she is too, but technically she''s not until we have that ceremony. From what Saffron said, and I kinda agree with her, Marie gets to be the one in the frilly white wedding dress. Which, as she''s noted, is technically Saffron''s dress, even if she hasn''t worn it yet. Y''know, the dress from the picture Raven drew when she heard we''d gotten married. The dress Bonnie wore to her wedding. Which means that the dress we plan on putting her into is, like, double used already. Not the physical dress itself. Marie trying to fit into a dress sized for Bonnie would wind up with her lady bits hanging out the bottom. Marie''s like two and a half feet taller than Bonnie, and while a lot of her is leg, she''s got plenty of torso in there as well. Saffron and I are gonna be wearing my tux from Raven''s picture, but again Larry wore it first. Shit, I might be all buff, and Saffron is absolutely the curviest squish to ever make a girl kisser get urges to get grabby, but my man Larry has the kind of suave to pull off a tux, so I can''t see how we''re gonna outdo him at that.


    Then there''s the venue. Obviously folks are thinking Temple of Love, and that was my first thought too, but now that I think about it getting married there kinda might wind up putting the focus on me rather than Marie, and that''s definitely a day I want the focus on her. Temple of Wisdom was where Bonnie and Larry got hitched, so I don''t want to go there. Dionysus has a spot in the Temple of Kings now, but I''m worried that if we do that, the spotlight might wander to him, or Saffron might get a bug up her ass and conquer the Temple as Imperator or something. Storms is a sports field, and I don''t really think I want to make my Murder Mittens impregnating a spectator sport. Which kinda might nix the Temple of Love as well. We''ve both got some bad memories from the Temple of the Moon, even if I''m sure Diana would love to play host. I guess I could snag space in the Temple of the Sun. I''m a Sun Goddess, after all. But first of all I''m not sure if I''m allowed to have spots in two Temples, and we''re not gonna talk about how Sun would make three, not two. Second, me claiming a place there would give it the same problem as the Temple of Love. Third and most important that shit is hella gaudy. I don''t need to get married in a place with gold toilet seats. Only place left is the Temple of Justice, and while I could claim a spot there under my Domain of Justified Homicide and maybe Vengeance, same issue as Love, Sun, and maybe Wisdom. Plus I just can''t escape the thought that we''d be getting married in a courtroom by a Justice, which is like how all elopements go, and this isn''t an elopement.


    Maybe we could have the ceremony at the Academy. It''s got some big spaces, and the Practice Yard is kinda plain, but we could decorate it, and I will personally end any weather god who dumps bad weather on our wedding day. Shit, maybe I ought to find out who handles the weather around here and visit them. So that''ll be a visit to the Temple of Storms at some point in the near future. But the Academy is sounding better and better as a venue. Like, yeah, Saffron and I both made our mark on the place one way or another, but let''s face it, the Phileo City Heroic Academy is Marie''s Academy. She''s been there making it happen since day fuckin'' one.


    I mean, yeah, Saffron and I got married there too, down in the Infirmary with only Angel and Bill and Grandma and Siobhan as witnesses. No dress, no tux, hell we almost wound up wandering around skyclad, which might have set off Siobhan''s Concubine Mode a year early. It was rushed and passionate and eager and holy fuckballs if I could reach back and alter anything about our wedding I absolutely would not, because in that moment, with imperfection piled upon imperfection, it was beautiful and happy and wonderful. Not to mention pretty fuckin'' unique. Special, absolutely, if I had to start erasing memories that would be one of those in the ''do not touch this or I break shit'' category. I''m realizing right here and now that it was, in fact, perfect.


    So maybe it''s not about the most original of dresses, or most appropriate venue, or most anything of anything that makes a wedding unique and special and perfect. Maybe it''s... it''s the people, and I''m mostly thinking of the people getting married, which in this case will be Saffron and Marie and me. Y''know, I still want to get things as nice as I can for her, and I''m still gonna put my all into every little detail, but I think figuring that out is gonna take a lot of the anxiety out of it for me. So our tuxes and dress and the Academy Practice Yard and Siobhan officiating. Yeah. Just in case the Fates or Norns or Murphy are listening, I will remind them that as of right now, they and I are copacetic. At peace. As in I am not currently hunting them with the intent to shove their quadruple amputee bodies into my maw. Which could and probably would change if anything interrupted Marie''s wedding. Just to be a little more clear than I might have been regarding earlier incidents that left me aggravated to the point I did things I might, conceivably, regret.This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    Due diligence done.


    So yesterday went pretty fuckin'' smooth, and at the end of the day I asked Larry and Karen if they wanted to come by for dinner, but both of them politely declined, citing work. Since Karen pretty much worked for me and my wife, I figured it would be a total selfish dick move to make her work harder under the guise of being ''nice'', so I just offered them an open invitation to come spend the night, or day, or however long they needed to decompress in an environment where nobody was gonna come to them with crises while they lounged in the Bath. I also pointed out to Larry that my girls were absolutely gaga over his son, and wanted him to visit as often as possible.


    He laughed and said, "Bonnie liked the Bath as well. So you''ll probably see us visiting on a regular basis. I''ll be sure to let Marie know in advance."


    Now that his head is out of his ass, he seems to get who''s actually the person getting shit done on normal days.


    Slept well; Karen led my ladies in playing dodgeball, yeeting themselves at each other and knocking themselves into my Maw. Tasty and entertaining, dinner and a show!


    Slept late, because when I''m not leading ride alongs or taking the kids on a tour of the Black Dragon, Mondays are kinda my rest day after two days of working. Which sounds pretty baller. Work two days, rest one. maybe work a day, rest one. cut class, or maybe go to class, rest again. Four days on, three days off, and that''s on a week where I actually do the shit I''m supposed to. Of course, that doesn''t happen on weeks where shit goes down, so I guess this is my ''recovery time''. Even if I didn''t wind up nearly killing myself last Season. Though I still shudder thinking about that fuckin'' machine in the Workshop.


    Hopped over to the Academy and followed Marie around today. Didn''t Co-Locate, because of the whole ''tryna build up my reserves'' thing. Instead I put on the Maid''s uniform and did Maid things. Funny, even with obviously being the Boss Bitch of the Academy, Marie spent an enormous amount of her time doing actual Maid shit. Cleaning. Cooking. Laundry. Mending. I may only be useful as an extra set of hands and grunt labor, but I tried to pitch in where and when I could.


    Around mid-day, I asked, "hey, Marie, am I really helpful when I come along with you like this? You can be honest, if I''m more of a bother I could stop."


    She''d tilted her head in thought when I asked the question, but the moment I offered to bugger off, she immediately said, "No."


    "No I''m not helpful?"


    She shot me a look and lay a hand on my shoulder, claws reaching nearly to the middle of my back, her thumb resting on my sternum. "Stay."


    I smiled up at her. "Okay. Feel free to, like, teach me shit if it''d make it better for you." She got a little shifty eyed, and I guessed, "or is me being an absolutely useless waste of a Maid''s uniform part of the fun?"


    She blepped, giggled, then said, "maybe."


    I sighed, then smiled up at her. "I''m here to spend time with you, really, so whatever makes it best for you I''m game for. I really would like to think I''m helping a little though."


    She pulled me into a hug, purring, then said, "Enough."


    As we worked our way along the corridor, checking rooms to make sure they weren''t horrifyingly dirty, I asked, "so, how''s your wedding gown coming along?" She got really shifty eyed at that, so I asked, "have you started it yet?"


    "Yes."


    "Is it ready?"


    She sighed. "No."


    "Is there anything I can do to help?"


    She gave it a moment''s thought, then said, "No."


    "Can I see it?"


    "No!"


    I blinked at the absolute horror in her voice. "Oh, the thing about not seeing the bride in her wedding dress until it''s done?" She nodded. "So, uh, are you making our tuxes?"


    "Yes."


    "Are they done?"


    She shrugged. "No."


    "Can I see them before the wedding? Wait, do they follow the same rules?"


    "No."


    "Okay, so can I?"


    She rolled her eyes at me. "Fitting."


    That made sense, and I thought about that as we pulled crusty sheets and clothes out of a particularly nasty room. I had no idea whose room any of them were. I guess I could find out, but so long as I didn''t know, it didn''t feel like so much of an invasion of privacy. Something like that anyhow. But in the crusty room I noticed the oddest thing - the only thing on the altar was a broken shackle. "Huh. Wonder whose altar that is?" Marie snorted. "What? Whose is it?"


    In answer she looked me straight in the eye, reached one hand out, and stroked a claw gently against the shackle. I swear to fuckin'' god, I felt her claw stroking something deeper inside me than she''d ever managed to get her claws before, and that is in fact saying a lot.


    You forgot the intimate connection between the altar in your old Academy cell and my cave?


    Yeah, okay, but, that was way deeper than my cave.


    You have a... never mind.


    I giggled at him. Thanks Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    By the time I got my mental shit back together enough to talk coherently again, we''d moved on to another room. "What the fuck is a broken shackle doing as an offering on an altar to me? Why would someone think that? Like, I''m not particularly opposed, but... dafuq?"


    Marie smiled down at me, ruffled my hair, and with a single word explained it. "Thrall."

 Day Five Hundred And Sixty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    I wonder sometimes if me getting myself set up with classes at the Academy is a sign I''m growing up, maturing, taking charge of my own challenges and doing what I can to overcome them, if I''m just doing it out of habit, or if I''m somehow trying to avoid progressing into whatever my next stage of life will be by remaining a student. Seriously, I''m not sure one way or the other, and some of those things might bleed into one another, which just makes it more confusing.


    My conscious thoughts on the whole topic are that I''m trying to give myself a schedule. Something to give my life structure, so on the days when I''m resting I don''t start spiraling into ''oh, I''m just wasting my life being useless''. My weekends I''m actively doing a job. Not just busywork, either, but a job that the Marshall of Phileo normally does, and I get the impression he does it not only because he thinks it''s important, but because he thinks he''s the most effective person to do it. Which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and now I''m joking because I can''t actually admit to being proud of myself for duBois choosing me to stand in his stead doing this.


    But that''s something I''ve been assigned, not a class I chose to take. My actual classes I''m taking are Basic Heroics Two and Advanced Physical Training, which is just my weekly workout to keep myself in shape. I think I remember the gym bros back in the day talking about that being something you do three or four times a week, not one, so maybe I ought to do that a little more, but then I''m also supposed to be resting, and since I started this schedule I''ve actually wound up with full week duties one time out of four.


    But while I think I signed up for those classes out of a sense of adult responsibility, taking charge of my own life and controlling my ongoing unmedicated ADHD and Depression. Although I haven''t had any really bad spirals in a while, which means either I''ve found a way to keep myself moderately stable or I''m building up to a complete breakdown. Don''t know which way the smart money is betting, but I do know that ''you sign up for classes because that''s what you do'' is definitely some shit I could wind up doing. As is, of course, refusing to just graduate and move on to full time adulting. Even if I am, in fact, doing some serious part time adulting between teaching two classes and doing ride alongs.


    I think I''m thinking about the Academy so much because I''ve basically spent the past four days there. First teaching for two days, then following Marie along, then PT today, although I didn''t spend the entire day in the Practice Yard.


    After a very restful night''s sleep after Marie decided to reward me for apparently inspiring a Thrall to join the Academy and try for Hero status, I had breakfast in the dining room at the Homestead, then stepped over to the Academy and hit the Headmaster''s office. When I knocked he replied, "come!" immediately.


    Stifling my smart assed reply, because I figured it wasn''t a good idea to fuck with somebody right before you ask them a favor, I stepped in and nodded to him where he sat behind his desk, wrangling his typical piles of paperwork. "Good Morning, Headmaster."


    "Good Morning, Champion. I''m glad you came by this morning, I had a favor to ask you."


    "Sure. Whatcha need?"


    He set his pen down and focused on me. "Could you take another group of Senior Cadets out on a recon in force?"


    I thought about it a half second, then said, "next Monday through Friday?"


    He nodded. "That would do just fine."


    "Do I get the same batch as last time, or a whole new set?"


    He paused in thought a moment. "Normal procedure would be to rotate new Cadets to join you, but Cadets preferring a particular Hero to follow and requesting them isn''t unheard of. It''s something of a faux pas for a Hero to request the same Cadets, but it''s also done now and again when there are extenuating circumstances. That said, am I correct in remembering that you encountered some locals to the West?"


    "Genuine Atlantis natives, yep. Only a small hunting party, but they didn''t seem like they were way out of their normal stomping grounds."


    He nodded. "Then it might be a better plan to send the same Cadets with you. Having a group of Senior Cadets or, in the future, Heroes who are on good terms with our Western neighbors couldn''t be a bad thing."


    I kept my thoughts about how the only people it would be bad for were assholes tryna make some kind off ''Alliance Manifest Destiny'' bullshit happen to myself. "Okay, so... I''m game to take the same Cadets along, if they want to request it, or you want to assign them, or somethng?"Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.


    He nodded. "I''ll have them ready to go on Monday Morning, same as last time, if that works for you?" I nodded, and he made a quick note in a book to the side of his piles. Then he looked back at me, "Of course, I''m sure you had something you wanted to ask me?"


    "Yeah, um..." After a moment of hesitation, I decided to just bite the bullet and ask. "Can we, I mean Saffron and I, use the Practice Yard for our wedding to Marie?"


    He blinked, staring at me for a second. "Well. I suppose most of the weddings here at the Academy tend to be the informal sort, not unlike yourself and Imperator Aetos-Diaz. But I''m thinking you want a more formal affair?"


    "Yeah. Big ceremony, guests, cake, all that good stuff."


    He chuckled. "I''ll assume the final plan will be slightly more detailed than that?"


    "Oh, yeah. I mean, we''re not gonna be doing it until Spring anyhow. I just... I wanted to make sure it was okay with you before I started really getting into the planning."


    He just stared at me for a moment. "Remind me to congratulate Marshall duBois." When I head tilted, he smiled and said, "his lessons regarding planning in Strategy and Logistics seem to have sunk in."


    I laughed. "Hey, I managed two whole military campaigns. Even if the first one was kinda little compared to the second."


    "You did. You did indeed. Champion Diaz, lest I forget to tell you at some future point, it has been my honor to act as Headmaster while you attend Phileo Heroic. My name might be a footnote in history, but just presiding over your launching off point is still enough to guarantee me that footnote."


    I smiled at him. "Hey, you''re the first school boss who didn''t make me want to punch them in the head."


    He narrowed his eyes. "Aren''t I the only ''school boss'' you''ve studied under?" My grin widened, and he smiled back. "Of course, my permission isn''t the only one you need seek out. Nor is it the most important, although I suspect you''ve got some influence with the most important person you need ask."


    "Uh... The Marshall?"


    "Oh, no. As it''s been made clear to me, while I''m Headmaster of the Academy, that just means I make the boring daily decisions and keep the paperwork moving. It''s not my Academy, after all." When I blinked in momentary confusion, he said, "Head Maid Marie."


    I smiled in sudden understanding, and might even have been blushing a little. Then she popped up behind him, said, "Yes." and disappeared again.


    He took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. "No matter how many times that happens, I''m not sure I''ll ever quite get used to it."


    I snarked back, "at least you don''t have to worry about ''suddenly Marie'' involving her digits three knuckles deep in your orifices."


    He facepalmed. "I did not need to know that, Champion."


    "Sorry," I lied. "I gotta go talk with Saffron now. You need anything else?"


    He shook his head, and I stepped up to the Academy Suite. "Hey, Kitten. How''s the coding going?"


    "Frustratingly slowly."


    I bend down behind her, put my arms around her, and pulled her back into my chest. "Code not working properly?"


    She shrugged. "I''m always amused by you calling it that, but not exactly. I think around ninety percent of everything is integrated, and all of it works independently. My major problem isn''t functionality, though."


    "Okay, so what is it?"


    "I believe the term I read in a book Loki stole for me is ''User Interface''."


    I thought about that for a half second before picking her up, slipping into her chair, and settling her on my lap. "So just go with the same kind of thing you did with the new and improved Assess Health."


    Even looking at the back of her head I felt her affectionate grin and her exasperated eye roll. "That is, in fact, my plan, Goof of my dreams. The trouble, of course, being how to go about doing that most effectively."


    "Lost in the sauce?" She actually twisted around to look at me, one eyebrow raised. "Among other things, means when you get so wrapped up in stupid little details that you can make any serious progress on the bigger, more important shit."


    "Hmm... I suppose that''s not far from the truth. But there are also some Shaping issues to work out."


    I shrugged, slipping a few tentacles around my Kitten and beginning my massage chair routine. "I''m sure I''m not qualified to actually be helpful, but I can do this. Oh, and I can rubber duck if you need me to."


    She chuckled. "This I must hear."


    "Oh, thought I''d used that one before. It''s where you just sit there and let the knowledgeable person explain the problem to you. Talking out loud to another person sometimes puts shit in perspective."


    "That... could work." She paused, then asked, "but aren''t you supposed to be working out today?"


    "Eh, I''ll Co-Locate and run some laps, maybe do some sprinting, maybe see if I can cobble together some weights that matter or something."


    "I''ve some other ideas, if you don''t mind waiting until the afternoon?"


    "Ooh. Special exercise ideas from my Kitten. Sounds debauched. I''m in."


    So I spent the morning noodling around in the Yard, mostly focused on massaging and listening to my Kitten as she worked through her ''UI issues''. Marie brought lunch, and we ate together, Saffron and I both taking great delight in feeding Marie the sushi she''d made us. When afternoon rolled around and Saffron had mostly worked through the knots she''d tied herself in, she spun herself around and straddled my lap.


    "Ready?" I nodded, my grin absolutely open mouthed and lecherous. Then she shrank me down to smaller than her, at which point she flopped us back to the Yard, right near where I''d been idly messing with the weights. She picked one of the bigger ones up and tossed it to me.


    After staggering to a stop, I hefted the weight, one I''d been doing speed reps with earlier. "The fuck?"


    "Something I''ve recently become aware of. Body mass affects Strength. So if you shapeshift down to have less mass..."


    "I need more Strength to move shit. Nice!"


    So for the rest of the afternoon I set up a bench and did all kinds of presses, mostly with a heavy bar.


    Mostly with a Saffron straddling each end of the bar and sitting on my hands.

 Day Five Hundred And Seventy

    Dear Diary,


    It''s the little things that get you. Like I was yesterday. Little, that is. Not getting anybody. I mean, yeah, I got Saffron later, because watching her jiggle physics while she''s riding a heavy bar lights a fire in me, and watching me flex and sweat does the same for her. Things got a little bit slippery and a lot sweaty when we stopped by the Bed room before heading home. Siobhan found us there and insisted it was her duty as Concubine to clean us up. Before either of us could think of a good reason to stop her, she started doing so. With her tongue.


    Yeah, Saffron and Siobhan are both little things. Adorable little things. And they definitely get me. Like, not just ''oh, we have sex... a lot'', but also they understand me. They get that even after all the makeshift therapy with Mom and Dad and Saffron and Marie, and I guess I ought to add Siobhan to that group, and definitely think I need to get my ass back to meeting on the regular with them, but even after all that, I still have trouble asking for help. I have even more trouble asking for intimate things that aren''t actually sex.


    Funny that I started thinking about this when Saffron made me littler than her. Which, to be clear, really did start me making more gains in the strength department. I think. I mean, it felt like a good workout, the kind I used to get when duBois set us to doing basic weight training. Definitely had my muscles burning and a little weak by the end of the day, which is totally why I couldn''t resist when Siobhan enacted her plan to clean Saffron and I up in the dirtiest way possible. Of course, I think all of us giggled and squealed more than we groaned and sighed, which I am absolutely okay with. If you can''t laugh while you''re doing it, you''re doing something wrong.


    As we all lay there slightly less sweaty and a lot more relaxed, I had an idea and thought, Marie?


    A moment later she popped into the room dressed in her Maid uniform. I realized right then that if none of us asked her to dress in something else, that was in fact her go to, her comfort zone. Which let me know exactly what to dress her in when I wanted her both in and out of said zone. At any rate, she looked at the three of us sprawled on the bed, me still sized somewhere between Siobhan and Saffron, and said, "Nice."


    "Yeah, if you wanna join in, feel free, but I think we''re all a little passive at the moment. But I had a question for you." She tilted her head, waiting. "What''s the plan for Menace''s birthday this year? I mean, it''s coming up soon, right? She''s a Winter baby?"


    "Winter baby?" asked Saffron, sounding a little put out.


    I sighed. "Yeah, I just put my foot in my mouth, didn''t I?"


    She made a throwing away gesture. "Nothing worth getting worked up over. Or I''d be working with our Concubines to see if we could actually get both of your feet in your mouth."


    "Ooh. Kinky. But... Isnomi''s birthday?"


    Saffron sighed. "You''re missing an entirely different issue, you realize?"


    "Uh, what did I..." I stuttered to a stop as I realized that we hadn''t celebrated any of the other kids'' birthdays this year. Fuck, I didn''t even know when their birthdays were. "Marie? How much did we miss them by?" She just stared at me, unblinking. "Oh, shit. You don''t know their birthdays?"


    She sighed. "Forgot."


    I realized right then why, and I yoinked her to me as I sat up, resizing myself to hug her head to my chest. "It''s okay, Murder Mittens. I get why you don''t normally think about birthdays if somebody doesn''t remind you. But that ends now." She looked up at me, a little concern in her eyes. "Everyone in this family is going to have their birthday celebrated, if I have to bake the fuckin'' cake and light the candles my own fuckin'' self."


    The others giggled, and Marie snorted. "I think we''d rather Marie made any foodstuffs, love."


    "Hey, I can cook!" Marie snorted again. "What? You''re teaching me!"


    She looked up at me, raised an eyebrow, and said, "Yes."


    "So... can I help with the cakes?"


    "Maybe."


    I shrugged, then laughed. "Okay, good enough. So we know when your birthday is going to be." All three of them looked at me, and I said, "not, like, a specific day yet, but we know what event she''s waiting for. Even if it seems like she wants that to be both her anniversary and her birthday."


    Saffron put her arms around us. "Nonsense. You''ll be doing that on the wedding night which, since it is after sunset, is technically the following day. Unless I miss my guess, you''ll be waiting until seconds before sunrise as well."


    "You figured it out?" She just smiled a quiet little smile at me. I sighed. "Shit. I promised, didn''t I?"This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it


    "You did. Now, on to equally important things," she leaned over and snagged Siobhan, pulling her in between the three of us. "When will we be celebrating your birthday, Siobhan Darling?"


    She blushed prettily and stammered out, "I don''t normally celebrate, I never..."


    I silenced her with a kiss, then when I pulled back, Saffron followed up, and while Marie did the same after that, I said, "did I or did I not just say that everyone in our family will be having birthday celebrations?" Then I realized. "Shit. Saffron, you remember when we first fired Vulcan, right?"


    She blinked. "I do. Although that would rather mean that we ought throw a celebration for our other son, whose birthday is likely to remain a mystery."


    I snorted. "Oh, please. He''s exactly the kind of edgelord who would tell us it was on his High Holy Day, even if it wasn''t. And I am absolutely certain how I want it celebrated." When they all looked at me, I said, "All Hallows, and everyplace we can get to do it every kid in the City is gonna be doing Trick or Treat."


    Saffron choked on her spit. "Children, dressed up as terrifying monsters, scaring people into giving them treats, lest they play tricks on them? He''ll love it."


    "See? See? You''re pickin'' up what I''m putting down." Then I got a little more serious. "Okay, I''ll get with Conrad and see if he can get the gliders ready for Isnomi''s birthday." They all looked at me. "Hey, she gets people to fly with, and it''ll kinda maybe make up for none of them having proper birthdays this year. We do need to come up with something for her though. Marie? Can you handle the cake?" She nodded. "That means the rest of us need to ferret the birthdays out of the others today."


    "Why the rush, love?"


    "Because if we don''t? We''ll find out that one of them was born some time between now and Isnomi''s birthday." Then I snagged Siobhan as she nodded. "Birthday?"


    She smiled shyly and whispered, "New Year''s Day."


    Saffron snuggled her from the other side. "Oh, you poor dear." Then she chuckled. "Of course, I think we can ensure you''re able to celebrate traditionally this year as well as having a Birthday party."


    That got her. We all snuggled in and watched as her eyes fluttered back open. "Sorry, mistresses. It''s been..."


    "Oh, hush," said Saffron, and we went round robin with the kisses again. "Now, let''s be about it, ladies. We''ve birthdays to discover."


    "Oh! Wait! I''m gonna ask Isnomi if she knows the others, then Maze, then Ria. If any of them know, it''ll be one of those three."


    Saffron nodded. Stay in communication, ladies. Let''s not ask any of them twice, or let them think we''ve forgotten.


    So while we ate dinner, I Co-Located over to Isnomi and scooped her up. "Need to talk a moment, Menace." I looked to the others. "Nothing bad." Then I stepped us up to the Bath, which currently stood empty. "Hey kiddo. Your birthday is coming up."


    "Yeth!"


    "You know your sisters ought to be getting presents too, right?"


    She got a little bit of a booger look, but temporized with, "on they birthdayth?"


    "Well, yeah, that''d be good next year, but we missed them this year, didn''t we?"


    I knew we''d been doing something right when I watched the horror creep across her face as she realized that she had, in fact, missed her sister''s birthdays. "Oh, no!"


    I hugged her to let her know it was all right. "It''s okay. This year''s been busy, but that''s why we''re make up for it, then gonna do better next year."


    "Oh tay. Yeth." She nodded, her tears never quite falling.


    "Do you know when any of their birthdays are?"


    She thought for a second, putting one finger to her lip as she did. Then tapping at one of her just a tiny bit oversized canines. "I think I heared Mayth thay herth wath Thalley Third."


    Maze is Sally sird. I mean Sally third.


    Saffron''s petite snort goosed my brain. Your accent is adorable as always. Sallyeh. And the third.


    I hopped back to the dining room and delivered Isnomi back to her sisters, then sauntered back to my seat, which Siobhan had kept warm for me. Before she could get up, I shrank down, hopped in her lap, and said, "feed me?"


    While she did that, I thought, I''m dumb. Tallulah?


    Goddess?


    When''s Ria''s birthday? When that got silence, I asked, Referencing the Phileo calendar, what day was Ria born on?


    Howah Sixteenth, Year three hundred twenty eight since the Founding of Phileo.


    Thanks, Tallulah. You coming to visit any time soon?


    I... suppose I could visit tomorrow? she stuttered out.


    See you then!


    When we headed up to the Bath, I snagged Ria as we got to the back door into their bedrooms. "Can I ask you something?" When she nodded, I stepped us both to the hallway beyond the big solid door, which Saffron insisted remain shut when we weren''t all trooping through it. "Do you know your sister''s birthdays?" She nodded. "What are they?"


    She straightened up and spoke almost like she was on stage at some kind of spelling bee or something. "My eldest sister, Cailyn, was born on the fifteenth day of Chinnuh." I realized right then that maybe we needed to do something nice for Ria''s big sisters too, even if we hadn''t technically Fostered them. Which meant we really ought to do something for Tallulah, but from what I could tell she was, like, Marie old. She might not know her birthday either.


    Cailyn on the fifteenth of Chinnuh.


    "My next sister, Adrienne, was born on the last day of Beh."


    Adrienne on the, uh, last day of Beh.


    Saffron sounded a little put out. Beh twenty eighth. Between now and Isnomi''s birthday, but despite possibly being Ria''s favorite, she is presently estranged and missing.


    You listening? I think she may know all of them.


    Listening and remembering, love. Pay attention to her.


    Ria, in full on recital mode, didn''t notice my momentary distraction, or if she did she didn''t react to it. "Next is Maze on Sallyeh third, followed closely by Lindsey on Howah fourth." She paused her recital a moment to mutter, amusement clear in her tone, "Them being older bothers Alex to no end. Alex''s was born on Nyettle twenty-one, followed by David on Mooin seventh, an auspicious birthday to say the least, then Daya on Nyettle twenty-six, and finally Isnomi on Loush twenty-third."


    I blinked, realization hitting me. "You know how old each of them is?"


    Her brow furrowed a little. "Of course."


    I hugged her. "We''ve got a couple months until your birthday. Is there anything in particular you''d like?"


    I''d been feeling pretty good up to that point. Which, of course, is why Murphy took control of Ria''s tongue and bitch slapped me in my idiot face. "I''d like my sister Adrienne back."

 Day Five Hundred And Seventy-One

    Dear Diary,


    So yeah, yesterday reminded me that if I am feeling too good about how I''m doing a good job and resolving whatever current crisis I''m dealing with, Murphy can and will hand me an entirely new one to deal with. He won''t take the old one away, of course. That would be too much like a useful attribute to that dog fucker. Which is probably a mean thing to say. I''ve seen some cute puppygirls and even a hot puppy femboy at one point, I''m sure there are some completely nice people going to town on them. Look, what I''m clearly tryna say here is that Murphy is morally inferior to those warped individuals who would forcibly fornicate with an actual canine.


    Yeah, little pissed not just that my mellow was harshed, but now I''m also tryna find someone who seems kinda unfindable. Okay, I''m not sure she''s unfindable, but Lady Tallulah trained her on how to avoid Divination, which means she''s gonna be all tricksy and use misdirection and shit like that, which ''moar powah'' tends not to work against. Oh, I could go ask Conrad, and I probably will eventually wind up asking him or Saffron to help with the fine detail work, but some part of me feels like that''s copping out, letting others do the hard part for me.


    Which, just to be clear, is total bullshit. I''m tryna be more honest with myself, especially in moments of emotional stress, and I absolutely jump to do every brute force thing I can do for my ladies and my family, because brute force is what I''m good at. In just about every way that matters, when it comes to our family, I''m the brute. As a wise man once said, ''There''s no one I''d rather be than me''. Every family group needs somebody to lift heavy shit, stay up late watching the sky, and if need be lay down apocalyptic levels of hurt. Marie is our wifiest wife and the ultimate combat maid. Siobhan is kind and gentle and caring. Saffron plans shit, pays for shit, and makes us all look cooler. My role is the brute, the heavy, the big scary badass. I''ve made my peace with that.


    Which is a lie, or I wouldn''t have to keep reminding myself, but that''s what mantras are for. They''re lies we tell ourselves because if we do it often enough, our subconscious eventually believes them, and believing his half the battle. The other half, of course, being unholy levels of mindless violence, which is why I try to avoid battles. Not because I don''t like mindless violence, but because I always wind up going just a lot to far, and then my ladies have to comfort me until I''m no longer depressed, and now I''m wondering why I don''t start battles more often. To which I remind myself because mindless violence for mindless violence''s sake is wrong.


    How am I the mother of seven kids? I''ve got my hands full being the mother of me.


    So I mouthed something about looking for her sister to get her an invite to her birthday party, since she might be happy where she''s living and coming to visit on the regular is sometimes the best adults can do, then hustled her to the Bath and let her sisters distract her the way they always do. I thought maybe we''ve hit some kind of critical mass of children, where they''ve kind of formed a self-supporting little tribe of their own, only really needing the four of us to reach the high shelves and shit like that.


    Wound up really distracted for most of the day Wednesday, tryna think of how to find Adrienne. Being Co-Located to spend the day with Marie, Saffron, Siobhan, and the kids didn''t help matters in the slightest. Late in the day I begged off from all of them, hopped up to my little shack atop the Bore with one of the big tureens I''d stolen from Lancaster House back in the day, packed it with the purest snow I could find, melted it, and poured power into scrying on my daughter''s sister.


    Wound up with a headache and a image seared into my skull of what I suspect was my own rectum.


    Saffron did not fail to notice my booger look when we sat down to dinner. She set Marie to feeding Siobhan in my chair, then came over and sat in my lap, putting her arms around me and laying her head against my chest. What''s wrong, love?


    I realized right then that I couldn''t go all bitch mode, both because Saffron didn''t deserve it, and Ria might hear that there were difficulties with the whole ''project find Adrienne''. I took a deep breath, deliberately filing my nose and lungs with the scent of my beloved Kitten''s hair, then let it out slowly, enjoying the feel of her reaction to my warm breath across her scalp, trickling down her neck and into her collar. Sorry, Kitten. You heard Ria''s ask, right?


    I did. How is this related?


    I blushed a little. I just spent like, I dunno, an hour trying to Scry on her.


    Is that what all that Mana was?


    I nodded. Yeah. I think I hit some kind of Fae anti-Scrying defenses. Maybe something else too, I dunno. Got nothing but a headache and maybe an auto-goatse for my troubles.


    She smiled against my chest. Well, at least you got a nice view out of it then.


    Really, Kitten?


    She pulled back and looked up at me. "I remember, love. Sixth, right after your piercings."


    I chuckled. "Which we both know I don''t have."


    "Yet."


    "I''m in danger."


    She pulled herself up and kissed me. Without our lips breaking contact, she whispered, "you love it."


    "I do." Then, because I''m me and she''s her, I followed that with, "still sixth though." Then I sighed. "So what am I gonna do?"


    Perhaps ask the Imperator if her new spy network has found out anything about the Overlord''s daughter, per the Overlord''s request? I just stared at her, mouth hanging open, until she scrunched her nose and giggled. "You''re so cute when you''re flummoxed."If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    "Later? I''m feeling hungry."


    "For this lovely meal Marie has prepared for us? Meat pastries tonight!"


    "Yeah. That too."


    My lovely Kitten made me wait. Not that I''m really complaining. Dinner was incredible; Marie had worked some really tasty parts of the bear meat into a flaky pastry. Like some kind of pain au ours. No, I did not take a year of French. That''s from the pastry that put the junk in my pre-Isekai trunk. And really shitty Yaoi with French subtitles. But... bear pastry, eminently nommable.


    After dinner she took her time scrubbing me in the shower. Nothing outright pornographic, the kids were watching. Just alternately gentle and thorough. Then she had me do the same to her. She''s absolutely adorable when she''s trying to hide her reactions to that, by the way. Even if she is absolutely capable of hiding it so well the kids had no idea she was hiding anything.


    After that a long, hot soak. Longer than normal, and the fire she''d stoked almost went the way of the children, who all stumbled downstairs half asleep.


    The moment their little snores sounded, she had the four of us in the Bedroom, where she looked up at me and said, "well, what are you waiting for?"


    Lying there with an exhausted Marie curled over me, I pulled her and Siobhan to me where they''d slumped onto one another and said, "uh, were you expecting me to ask about Adrienne?"


    Eyes still half shuttered, she chuckled and said, "is there any way I could reply to get you to do that again?"


    I snorted. "Yeah, probably not. I mean, okay, complete honesty I''m sure you could, but I really would like to know what we know about Adrienne at this point."


    "So dedicated to the happiness of our daughters." She nudged Siobhan and Marie. "It''s adorable, isn''t it?" After getting muttered agreement, she half muttered, "so tempted to just adore you until you forget and fall asleep." Then she shook her head. "But you really are trying. So. Ready?"


    I shrugged. "Might ask you to repeat shit when I''m less horny and or winded, but yeah."


    She giggled, the sound echoed by Siobhan, who''d wormed her way under Marie until only her mouth and nose peeked out. "Well then. Adrienne Crow, third child of Lady Tallulah Crow, was exiled from the Overlord''s Keep in Rich Man''s Port roughly a decade ago. She was never formally exiled from Rich Man''s Port itself, although it''s unlikely she stayed in the City."


    "Why?"


    "Her exile from the Keep was public. The only ones who would have taken her in were her mother''s enemies, and my sources and I have yet to discover any evidence that Adrienne bears her House any ill will."


    "Uh..."


    Saffron''s hands had disappeared, one of them snaking its way behind me to snuggle into me. No idea what the other one was doing, but Siobhan''s giggles hadn''t stopped. "As best we can discover, which included some oblique questioning of Cailyn, the matter was entirely personal between Tallulah and Adrienne. They are a prideful mother and her willful estranged daughter, yet it seems they are still mother and daughter. Tallulah''s enemies in Rich Man''s Port would want Adrienne as a bargaining chip or a potential replacement, and I cannot see any of Tallulah''s daughters allowing themselves to be used like that."


    I nodded, enjoying the way Marie''s ongoing satisfied purr vibrated all three of us against one another. Mountains rippled, but I stayed strong and listened. "Okay. Got it. So she left town. How old was she?"


    "Young Adult. Were she Human, call it late teens, early twenties."


    "Do I even want to know how old she is in actual years?"


    Saffron shook her head. "Love, as the calendar records such things, Ria isn''t that much younger than I am."


    "Really?"


    "Really. Sidhe mature slowly. Although they apparently can learn Skills as proficiently as their age mates. Which means old Sidhe are Skilled indeed."


    I shook my head, a self deprecating grin sliding across my face. "Yeah, and Adrienne has Skilled up her anti-Divination, hasn''t she?"


    "It appears so, although I''m uncertain why. At any rate, to the best of our ability to determine, and to be clear I''ve had your father and our son assisting as they will, Adrienne Crow has not crossed the Atlantic since her exile."


    "Okay, so she''s in Atlantis somewhere?"


    Saffron cocked her head side to side. "She could have travelled West. Believe it or not, you have better connections there than anyone else in the Alliance at this point."


    "Really?"


    "Tallulah doesn''t actually patrol or guard her Western border, such as it is, she''s West of Calverton and Norfolk, Phileo is west of New Amsterdam, and Lord Leonard Lancaster did not lower himself to extending diplomatic overtures to ''savages''."


    For an entirely different, if older reason, I said, "Really?"


    "Are you really surprised at his arrogance or his racism?"


    I sighed. "No, not really. I''ll check in with Rabbit on my ride along next week."


    She sighed back at me. "Monday to Friday again?"


    "''Fraid so."


    "Well then. If you can confirm she didn''t head West, that leaves North and South. I also don''t believe she''s currently in the Alliance." I raised an eyebrow, and she replied with a droll, "do you really want to hear my tale of looking through dry reports for days on end?"


    "Ah, no."


    "Would you rather be doing something else?"


    Turns out I wasn''t as sated as I thought. Or they weren''t. Okay, things weren''t as athletic, but sometimes quiet and gentle is fun too.


    Dreamt of my ladies gently shoving crochet versions of their foodstuff selves into my Maw. Weird. Not sure if I loved or loathed the mouth feel. More testing required.


    Woke up and got myself to class. When Doc Roberts walked in with Siobhan, most of the class following them, I stood up, walked up to her, kissed her until I felt her toes start to curl up, then said, "see you when you''re done for the day, Darling."


    Hopped on over to Dad''s place. He smiled when he looked up from his table, where he and Sigyn sat eating what looked like a late breakfast. "Good Morning, Daughter."


    "Hey, Dad. You and Mom have time to talk today? Maybe time to give me some pointers on Scrying, or maybe some other Divination stuff?"


    They looked each other for one of those brief moments of spousal communication where they said more to each other without words than younger married couples could with days of bickering conversation. "We had no plans that can''t be rearranged. What brings you to us?"


    I sighed. "I think maybe I''ve been backsliding a little when it comes to my whole bettering myself thing. Might just be stress talking, but had some stuff to talk about. Or maybe just talk about a little and schedule some time when you two and Marie and Saffron and maybe Siobhan now can help me straighten my shit out."


    He chuckled. "Your ''therapy'' sessions resemble ''interventions'' more and more, daughter. At least superficially."


    "Yeah, I''m a hell of a mess, aren''t I?"


    He shook his head, smiling fondly. "No, Daughter. You''re simply... well, I think you can relate. You''re simply a handful."


    I laughed out loud at the thought of me and my ladies sitting talking to Menace like this at some point in the future. Then choked myself thinking about whether she''d be asking us about herself, or Liam, or I don''t know who yet. "Thanks, Dad. I think I just got my first gray hair."


    He very pointedly looked up away from me, putting one hand between his face and my general crotch region. "Please, I do not need to see proof."


    "DAD!" I broke down laughing. Point to him. I laughed until I cried a little, then said, "Oh, I also got my head shoved up my own ass trying to scry on someone. So maybe a few pointers on that?"


    "Of course, daughter."


    We sat there for a bit, until Sigyn leaned her head on her hand, her elbow propped on the table. "So, daughter. Where did you want to begin?"


    I thought about that for an endless second, then smiled. "Have I told you guys about Siobhan yet? Since our date?"

 Day Five Hundred And Seventy-Two

    Dear Diary,


    I have been lied to by my first love. That being feature films. Every show you watch there''s somebody with lasting trauma they''re trying to work their way through and past. Whether that''s the plot, the sub-plot, or just the subtext of their character arc, part of the script will have them having some kind of enlightenment, then they do something, whether it''s therapy, or revenge, or really good nookie, and at the end of the plotline they''re All Better?. It gives people the impression that trauma and mental illness are like, I dunno, something that you can fix in one go and stay fixed.


    Which, I have come to find out here and now, is so much bullshit. I tired therapy and shit like that back in the day, but it never worked out, and I think I know why. I never saw what I thought of as progress, so I didn''t really invest in it. Which meant that I saw even less progress than I otherwise might have, which means I totally wrote it off. By the time I got shot, I''d gotten to the point where my visits to the school psychologist were just excuses to cut class on days I didn''t want to be there.


    But here and now.... Here and now my therapy crew, because I don''t have one therapist but a whole team working to help me work through my shit, are family.  Found. Adopted. Married. Family, and I''ve chosen to take that seriously, which means I take that therapy seriously. Which, at the end of the day, means I''ve made a fuckton more progress than I ever did with trained, board certified and licensed therapists back in the day.


    Don''t get me wrong, there''s nothing wrong with training or certification or licenses. They probably did their jobs way better than my makeshift crew, or at least more professionally. But I was a stubborn little shit who self-sabotaged the whole thing.


    But the biggest thing I''ve learned is that relapses happen. Shit, it''s almost like they can''t not happen. The trick isn''t to ''not relapse''. The trick is to take the therapy sessions and takeaways from them seriously, apply that shit to my life and thought processes, and above all recognize when I''m relapsing and do whatever I can to stop feeding into the cycle. Which occasionally bears a striking resemblance to feeding into the cycle, because intent matters.


    Like, if I''m spiraling into depression, and I start chasing dopamine and endorphins to try and avoid thinking about spiraling, it''s probably just gonna hit pause on the spiral. It did that shit a lot back in Camden, whether I got my dopamine from sex, video games, drugs, or endless doom scrolling. But if I realize I''m spiraling and I grab Siobhan and say ''apply dopamine to stop spiral, please'', or better yet get Saffron to start singing little seven syllable doggerel while she giggles watching my eyes cross, since I''m actually facing the spiral head on it seems to have a better chance of breaking me out of it.


    Doesn''t hurt that Saffron can pump me full of dopamine and endorphins without actually leaving me physically tired. Also doesn''t hurt that I''m now in the kind of physical shape where I can go work out and get some happy brain chemical soup that way.


    Speaking of happy brain chemical soup after therapy, when I finished up my session with the ''rents, including a nice long hug and a peck on the cheek from each of them, I stepped back to the classroom just in time to catch Siobhan wrapping up.


    "Tabitha? What are you doing here? I thought you weren''t going to come to class while I''m teaching. Which I should be done with by next week, by the way."


    I scanned the class, all of whom looked at me like some kind of freak of nature. Like, here I was cutting class, and getting away with it, and bantering with the teacher by saying, "I''m not here for class. I''m here to pick my Darling up when she''s done work." I frowned just a little, "what''s up with this taking four weeks, anyhow? You''re teaching basic Heal Injury and Cure Disease, right? Even my dumb ass learned those pretty quick."


    The response from the Cadets ranged between simmering anger and shamefaced embarrassment, but all that damped down when Siobhan said, "I believe you had some unfair advantages when it came to learning those, didn''t you?"Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.


    I realized right then that not only was she right, I''d been being exactly the kind of arrogant ass I hated other people with power for being. Which really sucked, because at that point there''s only one thing to do. I bowed my head, nodded, and turned to the class. "Siobhan''s right, Cadets. I apologize for implying you guys haven''t been giving it your all, or have been learning slow, or anything like that. Sincerely."


    You could have heard a pin drop. I realized right then that in all likelihood, nobody in the room had ever really seen someone in a position of power apologize sincerely to people they had power over. And what with my wife being the Imperator and me being the Champion and the Patron Deity, I sure as shit had. While they all just kinda looked at me with varying degrees of disbelief on their faces, Siobhan said, "we''ve also been going over the changes to Assess Health, and how to respond when the Assessment is suggesting a treatment which is, unfortunately, unavailable."


    I froze, then slowly turned to her. "You mean you''re teaching them to avoid those dumbass mistakes I kept making?"


    She rolled her eyes. "Only because you didn''t realize they were mistakes, Goof."


    "Saffron''s rubbing off on you."


    She blushed, but snapped back with, "she''s rubbed me a lot."


    I laughed, and eventually the rest of the class joined in. "How much longer are you gonna be?"


    She shrugged. "We''re just about done. Everyone, please practice with your Assessing, Also, this time of year minor diseases are fairly common, but as Tabitha showed us last year, catching them as they''re starting out is incredibly effective. So if someone''s hoarse, or sneezing, or coughing, or otherwise seems to be ill, Assess them and, if needed, Cure them and bring them to the Infirmary."


    "Don''t we need Consent for an Assess?" one student asked.


    Siobhan tilted her head side to side. "that''s something which is being discussed at the highest levels of the Alliance government right now. On the one hand, private medical information ought stay private. On the other hand, a single Cure at the right time can save tens, hundreds, even thousands of lives."


    "So what do we do?"


    "My recommendation is to ask, but if the person is either unable to reply or seems so ill that it''s endangering them, Assess them anyhow. It''s a parallel to Inspecting someone if you can see they''re actively committing a crime. If you misunderstood and they''re not ill, much like if you misread the situation and no crime was in progress, you could face some consequences, but your intent matters, and I''m fairly certain those in power would agree that risking consequence to save lives is exactly what Heroes are meant to do."


    That got a general round of nods, and the Cadet doing the questioning said, "thank you, Sister."


    "You ready to go, Siobhan?"


    She stepped over and slipped her arms around my waist. "Of course, Tabitha."


    Right before I stepped us away, I turned to the dude who''d been asking the questions and said, "you know she''s an Archmage, right?"


    "Tabitha!"


    I nuzzled her forehead. "You deserve the props, Ice Pop. All that shit the University has been working on, researching, learning, and you''ve put it in the hands of every Cadet and Hero in the Alliance."


    She snorted. "I just did the Shaping Saffron designed."


    I rolled my eyes at her. "You did the Shaping for a Global Spell. You get those Archmage props. When Saffron''s got her new and improved Inspect ready, I''m gonna want to test it on you just so I can see that first line read, "Archmage Siobhan Darling."


    She slipped her hand in mine and we walked over to the dinner table. "I much prefer Concubine, frankly."


    "Huh. I wonder what happens if you''ve got more than one Title?"


    At that point Saffron flopped into her seat. "That''s part of the UI I''m struggling with. I don''t know if it should be alphabetically, in order of importance, or some other order."


    I shrugged. "Different people are gonna have different opinions on what''s important, but everybody''s got the same alphabet, right?"


    She just looked at me. After a few seconds I turned to Siobhan and said, "I know you''re the smaller breasted of the Archmagi in the room, but could you possibly suffocate me so I stop spouting stupidity?"


    "Oh, sweet Hero. I would never do that." Then she leaned in and whispered in my ear. "I''d suffocate you because we both enjoy it."


    Yeah, definitely got up to some multiplayer shenanigans after bath time once the kids were asleep.


    Dreamt of my ladies plying my Maw with little rice paper sailboats. Size shenanigans for the win.


    Today I... pretty much did fuck all. Got Marie to make me a Fae Waffle, just to avoid doing anything strenuous. Before anybody gives me any shit about it, most likely myself, I''ll remind myself that I''m not being lazy. Okay, I''m not being irresponsibly lazy. I am, in fact, about to do another nine day Endurance test, so I''m resting up before then.


    See? Your girl can learn.

 Day Five Hundred And Seventy-Three

    Dear Diary,


    I may have mentioned this before, but I''m really not sure. If not, I guess I ought to, and if so, then it bears repeating. Expectations really change results.


    Not just in that ''oh, if I''m expecting an ass whupping and get a caress it''s that much better than if I''m expecting a caress and get an ass whupping'', either. Like, that is definitely true. If you''re expecting a prize and get a punishment, that shit hurts way deeper than just a regular smackdown would. I think, maybe, that it''s because at that point there''s a certain sense of betrayal involved. Even if the person who was supposed to give you props didn''t show up, and you wound up getting beat down by some other asshole, there''s still a sense that life itself betrayed you.


    Okay, it works that way for me at least. I definitely know that when I''m expecting to get beat down by life, or think somehow I''ve already signed on the dotted line to receive the pain, if somebody comes up and hands me a reward it''s absolutely mind blowing. Even if the reward itself wasn''t that much, it''s still gonna keep my feet from touching the ground, and if the reward is something I wanted, especially something I desperately wanted, that will leave me flying high for days.


    I kinda think that''s what happened after the Batlle of the Walls, really.  After thinking Saffron was dead, then going ham on New Amsterdam, expecting to come back and have to do shit like getting tried for war crimes, burying a body, or just mourning next to a big hunk of rock, she was there. Still there. Still alive. Still mine. Now that I''m thinking about it with enough emotional and temporal distance to think anything like clearly, I think that''s why I was the voice of reason when it came to the negotiations. I had my Kitten. They''d seen what would happen if that changed, and I had my wife back. I had no need to put anybody else down, because I had Saffron.


    Always Saffron.


    But I was thinking about more than that with the whole expectations thing. If you''re expecting something bad and get something good, even if it''s imperfect you''re gonna be happy about it, and if there''s any kind of other person involved, they''re gonna see that, and most people who aren''t complete assholes will maybe put a little extra effort into fixing up some of those imperfections before they hand your prize over. If you''re expecting something good and get something bad, or even less good than you think, that''s gonna show, and again anybody else involved is gonna see that, and not appreciate it, especially if they worked hard to get you the thing you thought of as less than you deserved.


    There''s a whole ''nother layer when it comes to things where you see the fail warnings while you''re still working for your win, because morale is a thing. Same goes for seeing a success flag when you thought you were losing; it will turn your whole attitude around, and that in and of itself can pull victory from the esophagus of defeat.


    Lay around most of the day yesterday letting Maze read to me. I know it was Pratchett, I know it was a Witches book, but I couldn''t tell you which one. I mean, I could ask her, but that would spoil the illusion that I was hanging on every word, which I absolutely was not. I was more enjoying the sound of her voice, laughing at the way she did voices for Granny and Nanny and Magrat. Now and then explaining something when I laughed and she hadn''t caught the joke; most of those required explanation of some minor ''adult'' thing, like the difference between ''martial arts'' and ''marital arts''. Which I''d made myself, come to think of it. Every time she just rolled her eyes and smiled indulgently, like the adults were the silly ones.


    Maybe we are.


    When I explained I was resting up for my nine days of working, the ladies took turns knocking me out. I think they''d started some shenanigans of their own before I was properly asleep, but fuck it, that was a pleasant sight to fall asleep to. Dreamt of all of my ladies singing lullabies as they knelt in a circle around my Maw.


    Woke up early and got to the high table in the Dining Hall just as it opened. Don''t know whether or not the rest of the Maids were irked at me cutting the line, but if they were they managed to hide their booger looks. Also, I got my own modest trays of spicy eggs, jalapeno scrapple, and sausage links. Marie is capable of turning anything in the world into haute cuisine, but I think those three things have become my go to comfort food, hands down.


    Co-Located up to the Practice Yard as I started eating. Yeah, I''m sure they''re all onto my Translocation shenanigation by now, but it''s traditional. Also, it let me take my time finishing off the pancakes Marie brought me when I finished everything else. Syrup. Butter. Good.


    Ran the Cadets through a ten mile warmup, which had all of them at least a little sweaty. Okay, most of them were a lot sweaty, even in the cold of the morning, and a couple of them were positively wheezing. After like half an hour of stretching, I counted out the four wheeziest and had them run laps around the westernmost ''basketball court''. The four least wheezy I set in pairs and had them practicing their long distance shots for the rest of the morning. Everybody else played four on four, just like we had the week before.


    Lunch wasn''t Salisbury steak. It wasn''t meatloaf. It was something not quite either; I think it may have had some chicken in it or something, because the taste wasn''t anything I''d had since I arrived. Like, all the flavors tasted like something I recognized, I think, but all together it just wasn''t anything I remembered. Tasted really fuckin'' good though. Almost forgot to Co-Locate back up before the Cadets got there. So, y''know, really good. I blame the gravy. That literal awesomesauce was savory, salty, just the tiniest touch sweet and sour, and flowed like honey. Maybe it was honey, I dunno. If it was, I feel kinda bad for not having Saffron get Devorah any, but then I didn''t want her to think I thought she needed help.Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more.


    When the Cadets all made it back up to formation, and at this point even if I''m not gonna say anything to them yet lest I jinx it, I definitely need to give some internal props to the terrible trio, because unlike Larry and I, the three of them seem to have decided to channel every little bit of their aggression to Sundays. Like, they obviously don''t like one another much, but at worst they''re chilly polite. More often, they''re doing that subtle one upmanship thing, which in my book is the best kind of competition, where you''re actually driving your opponent to be better than they were.


    Okay, for games and sports. For actual combat, which is neither a game nor a sport, I prefer my opponents just lay the fuck down and surrender. Failing that, I want them to die fast and easy.


    At any rate, once everybody was lined up, I called out, "Okay, Cadets. I want to know which of you just wanna play some ball and maybe have a little fun working up a sweat, and which of you want to get really good at this. Before I ask for a show of hands, don''t feel like you''ve got to raise your hands here. This is Physical Training, not some kind of sports camp. So long as you''re working your Endurance and Agility when you play, I''m golden with that. So, who just wants to have some fun in the Practice Yard this afternoon?" Most of their hands shot up. "Okay, put ''em down. Who wants to get good at this?" A quick count showed me seven hands. "Okay, you guys, down to the east court." I looked around for a second, then called out, "Vickerson, join them."


    Like most of the rest of the class, she''d already started to drift west. "But I..." To her credit, she barely muttered that before calling out, "yes, Ma''am!"


    I held up a hand. "Wait. What were you gonna say? Seriously, no penalty here, just out with it."


    "I was gonna play with my normal squad today?"


    I nodded. "Hey, loyalty isn''t a bad thing. Nor is working on your teamwork. But here''s the thing; if you only ever work with that one team, you''re actually gonna wind up less useful than somebody who''s worked with different groups through their training. Yeah, your squad knows your weaknesses and can cover for them, but they also don''t push you past them. You also don''t get a feel for learning new people, for spotting the flaws and strengths of new allies, and learning to become a team faster."


    She nodded. "Yes, Ma''am. Thank you for explaining, Ma''am."


    I smiled. "No worries. Besides, if you''d been on your period or otherwise less than really ready to train, I might have swapped you out. But for now get on over there." I turned to the ''playtime'' Cadets and said, "Okay then. I''m gonna be watching, I expect high energy on the court today! Get to it!" I Co-Located one of me to the center sideline of each court, just to keep an eye on them, both to keep them moving and in case someone had a close personal encounter with the pavers. The last of me grabbed the fourth ball, Co-Located it a half dozen times, then tossed all the balls to Cadets and collapsed back to just one of me on that court.


    "Okay, Cadets. First thing I''m gonna do is teach you all a new game. Kinda related. Called ''horse''. It''s all about getting the ball in the hoop." I spent about five minutes going over the rules and having the first couple get started, then I pulled half of them to the other end of the court. "Okay, while those guys are practicing their shots, you guys are gonna be practicing something each and every one of you kinda sucks at. Passing the ball."


    So while most of the class played, the eight I worked with got better at passing, at shooting, at guarding. I even had them practicing dunks and layups, because they hadn''t really grasped that yet. So far, while the game had been high energy, it had been like watching those old black and white sports videos of the NBA before they recruited any Black guys. Only worse in a lot of ways. Just dribble down the court, shoot a shot, then dribble back. Back and forth, high speed, but very little actual coordination, real teamwork, or skill.


    When we had about two hours left, I set them to playing, putting their new skills to use. When they chose up teams, because of course both Hildegarde and Citron had said they wanted to ''get good'', because I knew going in it would be both of them or neither, Vickerson wound up on Hildegarde''s team. Okay, it technically wound up Hildegarde on Vickerson''s team, since Hildegarde herself had about as much in the way of leadership ambition as Siobhan. Less, really, Siobhan stood up and took charge of the Infirmary when she had to. Not to mention leading the Mana Network during the Liberation of Calverton.


    Weirdest moment had to be right after Hildegarde, who was not exactly a tall woman, drove forward and leapt to dunk, and Citron, who had to have at least six inches on her, went up to block, and she straight up powered the ball through his fuckin'' hand. Like, she got more air than he did, so she had the leverage, and she brought the ball down hard enough it would have shattered one of those glass backboards from back in the day. Shit, she might have shattered a wooden one. She sure as shit shattered Citron''s wrist. But that''s not the weird part. That came after, when he fell, clutching at his arm, slamming his shoulder and the side of his head into the paver as he curled around it. Before I could even get there, she''d rolled him over and stood with him in a princess carry. Without using either of his hands, he definitely didn''t have the leverage to fight against it, either.


    I Assessed him, and it called for some kind of ''Carpal Alignment'' Shape, which I sure as shit didn''t know. Since he wasn''t bleeding out or anything, I thought, Marie? and a moment later when she appeared next to me said, "could you please get Cadet Hildegarde through the Dormitory Ward?"


    She nodded, and, waving Hildegarde to follow, started for the nearest doors. As they walked away, I distinctly heard Citron sneer, "why?"


    "So you can''t whine about your arm not working right when I break it tomorrow."

 Day Five Hundred And Seventy-Four

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, I''ve had a day or two to think about what happened in class the other day. The whole thing with me dunking on the rest of the class for taking so long to learn two Shapes I learned so fast I don''t even remember learning them. I gotta say, that shit is scaring me just a little. There''s layers of shitty to the bullshit that I pulled, and each layer seems worse than the one before.


    Like, first of all, flaunting your talent on folks who are your nominal social subordinates is not cool. That''s straight up a shit pyramid move right there. Yeah, as the nominal responsible party you gotta make sure they''re not going off half cocked, or using their powers for evil, or slacking in inappropriate ways at inappropriate times. That''s just part of the job. But if they''re struggling with something, the whole point of having somebody standing just a little higher on the hill is to be able to see that, to step down and help them where they are, or maybe if the problem isn''t them, but some kind of difficulty outside their control, to remove that problem. Like, get them the tools they need if they''re lacking or the ones they had broke. Eliminate the obstacles. Just generally let them focus on getting the fucking job done. Because if there isn''t a job to get done, we have no business fucking around with any kind of hierarchy or stratified social structure. Seriously, if there''s not goals to be achieved or problems to be solved, the social roles ought to be limited to ''top'' and ''bottom'', to which you know my answer is ''switch, bitch''.


    Before anybody starts in on ''oh, but what about parents and children'', there''s a goal there, and it''s to get those adorable little crotch spawn to adulthood with the minimum necessary trauma to let them understand how to be decent human beings. Which may well be zero, not that I''d fuckin'' know. Siobhan would. Other than being the thirstiest bottom to ever beg for buttermilk, the woman is an absolute pure snowflake who ought to be preserved and protected. I mean, had I a computer I''d be making memes with her picture, saying, ''no lewd, only protecc'', but then if I had a computer, I''m pretty sure the woman herself would sneak in and somehow lewd herself. Okay, ''somehow'', when Marie and probably Saffron would encourage, aid, and abet her.


    At any rate, back to my adventures with testing my tightly muscled anus for size and fit atop shit pyramid. Because not only did I totally diss some subordinates like it was my fuckin'' job and pleasure to do so, I also insulted a bunch of would be peers. Like, okay, yeah, they''re probably not gonna be Deities any time soon. No rule saying than none of them can''t be eventually, but the kind of shit that causes that kind of Glory usually requires some fucked up shit to happen, and Saffron and I are working very hard to alter the very fabric of society to prevent fucked up shit from happening in the first place. Yes, our nominal public guardians are called ''Heroes'', and hopefully they''ll keep being trained to be real ones if the need arises, but the Imperator and her Champion Patron Goddess are tryna prevent that need from arising. But all that aside, they''re my classmates. We''re all mostly tryna learn the same stuff. Sure as shit some of them know shit I don''t, even if it''s just which local eatery in their neighborhood has the best eats for cheap.


    Then there''s the final layer, the one that makes me want to go back to that fuckin'' class and beg on my knees for forgiveness, but that would make that shit about me, not about them, and that''s the fuckin'' core problem of Shit Pyramid; the people on top think the world is all about them. Yeah, I dunked on them because they''re taking four weeks to learn something I learned so fast that I don''t even remember learning it.


    Because I didn''t.


    I stole that shit. I used Divine Bullshit Mana Shenanigans to download How To Heal Injury and How to Cure Disease straight from Siobhan''s noggin into mine. I''m not gonna feel guilty about doing that, because I was doing it to save my kid in case I got there too late. Which I might have done entirely because I took the time to copy those Shapes from Siobhan''s brain, but that''s the kind of fog of war bullshit I''m also not gonna blame myself for. But I absolutely am gonna blame myself for giving my classmates shit because they don''t have the same Divine Bullshit Cheat Skills I do. I think maybe I need to sit down and talk this one through with Saffron and Marie, because if anybody can come up with and implement some kind of appropriate consequence for me doing that bullshit it''s the two of them.


    I kinda want Siobhan there, too, but I''m not sure it''s because I kinda side-dissed her too by impugning her teaching Skills, and she deserves some input in whatever they decide, or because I think she''d make them be nicer to me.


    At any rate, at least the next generation is coming along better than me. Look at me, all talking about ''the next generation'' like some of them aren''t technically older than me. But as I''ve heard said, it''s not the years, it''s the miles. Hildegarde took Citron down to Siobhan, apparently because she''s got more than a little bit of misandry squirreled away in her head. Well earned, given that she''s from Norfolk and I don''t remember seeing any female Jarls down there before I started curb stomping them in duels. I mean, mirrors weren''t a big thing there either, but I Co-Located some, so technically I saw myself a time or two.


    Got home, and after dinner and bath, once the kids were all asleep, I gently tugged the other three to the Bedroom.


    I pulled my Ice Pop around, but couldn''t look her in her eyes. "Siobhan?"


    "Yes, Tabitha?"


    "I''m sorry."


    I''m not sure why she looked so forlorn, but she asked, "why?"


    I sighed. "Because of what I said the other day in class. It was rude and inappropriate and arrogant and... I''m sorry." I still couldn''t meet her gaze.


    She reached up and touched my cheek. "It bothers you that much?"


    "It does." I sighed, then forced out. "Ladies, I don''t know what my consequence for that should be, but I think there ought to be one."


    Saffron tapped her teeth, drawing our attention, then said, "Siobhan, may I see your memory of the event?"


    "Of course." While she said that, Siobhan stepped to me and put her arms around me. "Please don''t apologize without telling me why, Tabitha. I thought you were about to tell me I wasn''t fit to be your Concubine any longer."


    I couldn''t help it, a grin twisted my lips. "I still think it''s wild you actually want that Title."


    She leaned against me, and Marie sandwiched me from behind, pulling us both back toward where she sat on the end of the bed. "Do."


    "It''s true, we do," my Ice Pop confirmed. She pulled my face around so she could look me in the eyes. "I forgive you. I think you intended humor, intended to make me laugh. Intended to make everyone laugh. It was ill conceived and ill done, but not ill intended."


    "I''m not so sure about that."


    "I. Am. Also? I think I may understand why you don''t understand." I raised my eyebrows in a ''go on'' gesture. "you would rather we were your lovers rather than Concubines, yes?"


    I kinda bobbled my head around, not quite agreeing, but not disagreeing. "I mean, if wifing you both isn''t an immediate option. But..."


    She interrupted. "Well, there it is then. ''Wife'' is formal. A Title, even, although I don''t know if it shows up as such."


    "It does," said Saffron, still distracted reviewing what had happened.


    "Well then. Concubine does as well, I''m certain." Saffron just nodded this time. "Lover does not. It''s purely a casual relationship, and can be as ephemeral as morning dew. Concubine, on the other hand, is not. It''s... It''s real. Solid. Not as permanent or as prominent as ''Wife'', but still, I could not be your Concubine if you did not want me to be."Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.


    I looked down at her, and a growl reverberated in my chest without me meaning to make that sound. "But I could make you one even if you didn''t want me to."


    "Could you though?"


    I reached into both of them, gently but firmly, making them lower their arms. "I could."


    She laughed at me. Well, not at me. At my blatant puppeteering of her body. "Oh, Tabitha. Oh, my Hero. Certainly you could deny yourself. You could push us away. But could you really force us to intimacy we didn''t want?"


    I let go. Sagged, and they caught me. "I don''t know. That..."


    "I do. She does. We do. Which is why we bear that Title with pride."


    I snorted. "Yeah. Like you''re gonna be all ''ooh, put a lock on it so I can''t take it off'' if I get you a cute little collar and a matching leash."


    Suddenly I was no longer facing Siobhan, but Marie. She''d spun me so quickly that had I been Siobhan, I might have gotten whiplash. As it was, I wound up a little dizzy. Murder Mittens glared at me affectionately and growled out, "Waiting."


    It took me a minute. "Wha... Oh. Oh, shit, you did say you wanted tha..." Then she shut my dumb ass up by kissing me. Growling the whole time. As we kissed, Siobhan leaned over and whispered, "I''d like one as well. While you''re out making purchases. Or requesting neckwear from your son."


    When I could breathe and think and speak again, I turned dizzily to Saffron. "I suppose you want one too?"


    She raised an eyebrow. "I need something to put on you, don''t I?"


    I ran my tongue over my lips, then thought. "I think I need one to keep you under control when you need Penance." That got her. She shuddered a little, then pouted at me with a cute little moue.


    "You, Tabitha, are the one who ought be doing some Penance. That truly was unworthy of your station. "


    I sagged. "Yeah, I know."


    "And yet, you recognized your mistake and apologized as soon as you did. Which mitigates much of it."


    "I still don''t deserve to walk away Scot free."


    She nodded. "No. No, you don''t. But whatever consequences you receive for this ought be private, I think. Your apology was public, in front of those you offended and all who saw. But the rest, I think making it public would insert needless doubts." She paused. "Until I decide, you will not attempt self-flagellation. Understood?"


    I smirked at her. "I mean, I''ll try. Kinda habitual though."


    "Really? When''s the last time you did it?"


    I froze with my mouth open, because the last time that sprang to mind was the morning of my Court Martial. I mean, I''m sure I''d done it since, but I couldn''t remember any of those times. "Holy shit. Am I actually, like, growing out of that?"


    She put a hand on my cheek. "Say rather that you''ve begun to heal from the neglect and abuse that left you with such a poor estimation of your own worth."


    I nodded. "Now I just gotta keep my head from getting too big."


    "Oh, bother. A collar definitely will trap blood in your brain and swell your head. Pity." She almost got all that out without laughing. At which point the Bedroom visit devolved into some brief laughing canoodling before Saffron declared that we all needed to get to bed, because I needed all the rest I could get before Monday morning.


    Woke up early, hit the Dining Hall, got oatmeal and shoe leather beef. I frowned at it. "No eggs?"


    Marie just raised an eyebrow. "Consequence."


    I shrugged, nodded. I didn''t figure this would be everything, but I sure as shit knew reducing my meals to ''nominally nutritious'' was fair, given what I''d done. Humbling, without actually being, y''know, humiliating. I waved her over, and gave her a one armed hug, pulling our foreheads together. "Thanks, Mittens."


    She smiled at me. "Welcome."


    I heard at least one spoon bounce off the floor when she said that. I still forget how much hearing that affected other people. I mean, I still got the warm fuzzies when she said it, but I wasn''t shocked or surprised any more. Okay, still vaguely surprised that this wonderful woman wanted me, wanted me so much to subordinate herself to me. But not shocked. Just confused.


    Got out to the Practice Yard on time, although the Cadets all stared at me like I''d grown another head. "Good Morning Cadets!" When I got a satisfactory response from that, I called out, "What''s got you all so subdued this fine morning, my Cadets?"


    Ignoring my blatant lie about the quality of the morning, because it was rainy, cloudy and cold, Cadet Citron raised his hand. When I nodded, he asked, "is it true that you''re amorously involved with a Maenad?"


    I mock frowned at him. "That, Cadet, is a very personal question. Some folks might call it inappropriate." He opened his mouth like he was gonna withdraw the question, and I stopped him with a raised hand. "I don''t really give a shit about that kind of appropriate. People love who they love. Goes for me, goes for you." I smirked. "People also fuck who they fuck. Which may or may not have anything to do with love." I paused a beat to let that sink in, then said, "in the case of Head Maid Maenad Marie, Champion of Dionysus and High Priestess of Mimic and myself, both apply. She is presently my Concubine and Fianc¨¦e, and by this time next Season will be my wedded Wife." I paused again, this time looking around and meeting the gazes of the collected Cadets. "Does that answer your question?"


    He nodded. I waited. "Yes, Ma''am!"


    "Good. Now, today we''ll be doing a nice ten mile warmup, stretching, then practicing your formation drills. If all goes well, you''ll never need them. If you need them, you''ll forget to thank me, because you''ll either be dead because you didn''t take this practice seriously, or you''ll be too busy celebrating your victory to give a single thought to your poor old Combat Training Instructor."


    Vickerson raised her hand. I nodded. "Or we''ll be dead because we tried to face down something beyond us."


    I sucked my teeth a second. "Yeah. Yeah, maybe. But if you take this seriously, and put your training to use, whatever the fuck takes you down will goddamned well know it''s faced a Phileo Hero, and regret ever doing so."


    She head tilted. "No promises of immortality?"


    I laughed. "Damn, Vickerson. I''m still working on that whole afterlife thing, but I got connections in Helheim and Hades. Or if you''re still not done after somebody shoved you off the Mortal Coil, I have never been stingy with the Mana for Revives. So yeah, you do the right thing as you see it at the time, do it to the best of your ability, and I''ll have your back."


    She might have had the tiniest bit of inappropriate grin on her face, and I definitely did not hear her mutter, "or my front." Because then I''d have to have done something about it. Instead, I just made sure she was in the shittiest position in every formation she marched in. Because it''s the little things that matter. Attention to detail. We''d had the discussion, and if she was gonna do little subtle digs, I was gonna do little subtle consequences.


    Before lunch she hung back and quietly said, "sorry, Ma''am."


    I chuckled and replied just as quietly, "in the past, Vickerson. Just like me having your front." I looked skyward as if in thought for a second, then, with nobody else in earshot, said, "although I''m pretty sure you were face down at least one of those times." She spluttered, and I followed up with, "so, y''know, I had your back even then." I gave her a laugh and a comradely slap on the back, then stepped down to get my lunch.


    Salad. I had to eat salad for lunch. Okay, Caesar salad, so there was protein, but... Salad.


    Sad eyes got me another quick hug from Marie though.


    In the afternoon the Cadets did more Squadball with the new lancaster batons. A couple other squads had taken Vickerson''s lead, so she couldn''t quite sweep through the way she''d done last week. Meanwhile Citron and Hildegarde had a series of matches all their own. Her team refused to even come close to Citron, even when one of them had a baton. His actively blocked for both of them as they dueled. I wound up being very glad I''d told Jon to make sure the batons couldn''t break, because I''d read about lances and timbers ''shivering'', and holy fucksticks those two would have shivered the batons if it were possible. At one point I think Hildegarde may have taken a chip out of the paver where Citron''s foot had been a moment before.


    By the end of the day, she''d gone down to the Infirmary three times with shattered fingers. Then came right back up and jumped back into the next round, just as focused on Citron as ever. Funniest thing had to be when somebody from another team threw a baton at her, he straight up blocked it. These two totally had a frenemies thing going on, and it wasn''t just some kind of weird sense of ''honor'' from Citron, either, because when she realized what he''d done, she yeeted that baton back, with so much torque in the spin she''d put on it that the fucker who''d thrown it at her wound up with broken fingers, a broken jaw, and two shattered teeth. She got a little pissy when I made her walk her victim down to Siobhan, but rules are rules. Of course she wasn''t technically out, so when she came back to nobody but Citron left standing, because he''d managed to take down Vickerson and one of her teammates at the same time, she came at him. Hard.


    Most of the broken arms we saw were radius or ulna. Forearm bones. They''re further away from the body, and individually smaller, they''re just plain easier to break. Take it from a talented shit wrecker. They''re nothing as easy to break as joints, but way easier than femurs or shins or even humerus bones. But like I said, she came at him hard, just pure frenzied strength and fury. I realized right then why some of the folks I''d fought, the smarter ones, looked so, I dunno, terrified with me in their face. But while his parries and deflections and ripostes had gotten better, she''d had a much lower starting point, and hadn''t plateaued yet. She ducked under a riposte, motherfucking feinted, then brought her baton around in a two handed swing with all the power of her arms, hips, and legs. Shattered his upper arm so bad that I''d say I needed to Stabilize him.


    Except she hit him with it first. This goes on much longer those two are gonna go from frenemies to nemespouses.

 Day Five Hundred And Seventy-Five

    Dear Diary,


    Welp, definitely got some ideas about Menace''s birthday party, not to mention presents of a sort. Obviously if Conrad can swing it we''ll have the hang gliders here for all the kids, and if the weather is good they can maybe launch from the top of the West Tower. Even if it''s not perfect, or they''re not confident enough for that, we can let them do a much lower takeoff point off the roof of the East House. It''s not quite as high as the Academy roof, I don''t think, but it should be high enough for them to catch some of the perpetual updrafts coming from the valley.


    Of course, that''s not all. On top of making little flight suits for all of them, Marie is working to make the sure there''s cake and confection enough for the whole horde hoard. I got my hands on some thick cardstock, and I''m gonna try to make party hats. Yeah, I know, it''s not exactly an X-Box, a clown, and a pony, but I''m doing what I can. Also, when it comes to ponies, I have a Nefarious Plan regarding the retrieval of the Nightmares from Rich Man''s Port, since we didn''t actually retrieve them during the sleepover, since we wound up nowhere near Rich Man''s Port at the end of that.


    Of course, that leaves the next birthday in line, which I think is Ria''s, which means I need to get my ass in gear finding Adrienne. My next step on that is tryna get in touch with Rabbit and seeing if she rabbited westward. I''m hoping she''ll have news, either a confirmed nope or a definite yes, but even a solid ''none of our Gods have seen a Fae heading westward'' would be something.


    Spent last night snuggling my ladies, and following that dreamt of them, all of them, crooning lullabies to my Maw.


    Got up super early, sneaking out of the bedroom and down to the kitchen, where I found my Murder Mittens already working on breakfast. I hopped up and smooched her, then said, "anything ready for me to steal for breakfast?"


    She slow blinked at me, then pointed over to the wall next to one of the doors into the dining room. Six smallish satchels clustered around my old tinker backpack where it leaned against the wall. I turned back to Marie and threw my arms around her. "Thanks, Marie. You are already the wifiest wife that ever wifed." She looked down, an arched eyebrow unsuccessfully trying to hide some kind of disappointment, or maybe trepidation. "So imagine how much wifier you''re gonna get when Saffron and I wife you proper." A real grin stretched her lips, and I hopped up to hook one hand around her neck and pull my mouth to her ear as a ran my other hand over her belly. "Not to mention when I fill this with kittens."


    She blushed so hard I think she lost the capacity to move. Like, totally slack when I gave her one of her own mouth invasion kisses, then dropped down, patted her on the ass just to feel it, and scampered over to gather up the packs she''d prepared. Right before I stepped away, she called out. "Vlickies!" I turned to face her, grinning like an idiot. "Love."


    "I love you too, my Murder Mittens."


    I stepped to the entrance to the Academy with her purring blush still filling my ears. All six Senior Cadets from last time stood there, although this time along with their weapons they''d each brought some kind of pack. Ryan of all people had a tinker pack like mine. O''Brien was at the other end of the spectrum; he just had a fuckin'' sack. Not even a duffel bag, just a fabric sack, like you''d see in an RPG as the cheapest kind of way to carry your shit. Aetos and Chloros both had decent backpacks, just not quite as complex or comprehensive as tinker packs. Mackenzie had a purse. At least it looked like one of the big ''you can lose a small child in this'' purses and not a clutch or something stupid like that. Finally Brown had what looked like an over the shoulder messenger bag.


    I took that all in while Headmaster Miles stepped over and said, "Champion. Thank you for taking our Cadets along on your reconnaissance in force."


    "No problems." I turned to them. "You guys ready to go?" At their nods and general mostly awake agreement noises, I said, "okay, join hands." The moment they all did, I grabbed on to O''Brien, who was one end of the chain, and stepped us all to the base of West Tower Hill. Before we started moving, I turned to them and said, "Okay, slightly different objectives this time. I don''t remember if any of you met Rabbit?" Brown gave a half nod, half shrug, which I interpreted to say he''d seen me meeting Rabbit. "Yeah, we''re on the lookout for her or any of her people, because the Imperator''s set me to doing some diplomacy and maybe getting some intelligence on whether a person of interest has been seen anywhere west of the Alliance. Also, I wanna go a little further out this time, even if we don''t manage to swing quite so far back north. If whatever has been killing off stuff the size of moose and spawning those Dire Bears is moving south, I want to know how far south it''s gotten, and maybe stop it from getting to our new friends. Any questions?"Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    O''Brien''s hand shot up. "Are we really going to be defending the northern border of whatever... population center the... people we met with last time live in?"


    I could tell he''d almost spouted out some seriously bigoted shit there, but gave him credit for, y''know, not doing so. Still, time to set shit straight. "Look, some things, like Dragons, are fuckin'' natural disasters. Whether you like their lifestyle or not, our western neighbors seem like civilized folks. They shared their camp with us, gave us some valuable tips, and your fellow Cadets definitely engaged in generating some diplomatic goodwill on both sides of the equation. When natural disasters hit, civilized people help other civilized people. Shit, even in the middle of a war, if there''s a plague on, you Cure your enemies, because that shit does not care what colors you wear, it''s everybody''s enemy. So yeah, both to protect ourselves in the long run and to generate some more goodwill in the short run, we''ll help protect them from whatever bullshit the world is throwing at them. Understood?"


    When I pointed out the whole ''natural disaster'' thing, he lost some of the booger look he''d had when I called the locals ''civilized''. When I reminded him of the relatively recent Plague, he blinked, then nodded like the idea had actually sunk into his brain. "Yes, Ma''am. Understood, Ma''am."


    I nodded, keeping my sigh to myself. Yeah, I want people to learn better and stop with all the racist bullshit, not to mention all the other bullshit, but if the only thing that gets them behaving right is self-interest, I can work with that.


    Brown raised his hand. "Is there a reason you''ve Translocated us to this staring position rather than travelling overland?"


    I snorted. "Yeah, we could make that run, but I''m pretty sure at least some of the roads aren''t clear, and we''d lose days getting to this point. I''m not looking to get to the border and skirt along it, I''m looking to do deep recon past the border, just like last time."


    They nodded. "I suspected, but thank you for the confirmation, Ma''am."


    "Okay then. Everybody ready?" When they all indicated they had their shit together and were ready to run, I tossed them each one of Marie''s satchels, threw my own tinker pack on and started running. By sunrise proper we''d put the Homestead miles behind us, eating as we ran. My breakfast was in the side pouch of my pack, and the whole thing was still warm from the oven. Some kind of meat bread. Like a Stromboli, only without the sauce. All but Ryan made appreciative noises as they nommed Marie''s cooking. Ryan kinda blew my mind when she tucked Marie''s satchel away in her pack, making room by pulling out a couple Drivers'' crepes. Now, I''m not gonna say I like Momma Driver''s crepes more than Marie''s cooking, but I can definitely see where there''s some room for personal preference.


    Our tracks from last time had been filled with snow, but we could still see some remnants of them in places; if nothing else the big disturbed areas where we''d wound up going through the snow into streams or other hazards let us avoid them this time. Not long before sunset we found ourselves in that natural orchard again. Picking handfuls of fruit and nuts as we slowed to a jog, we angled our way to the copse we''d met the three locals in last time. Sadly, none of them were there, but I found a little piece of raw leather with a note on it.


    Tabitha Diaz,


    Our hunt far more successful than we expected thanks to your help, we''ve returned to our home.


    Should you return here, you''re welcome to visit.


    Closer


    The other side of the leather had a kind of half written, half sketched map with directions how to get to their place. I folded it closed and tucked it into my pack, then turned to the others. O''Brien stared at me with something approaching confusion. "You read their language?"


    I nodded. "Well enough. They invited us to come visit. Looks like it''s at least a day out of our way, but..." I sighed. "Definitely not gonna get there tonight. Let''s set up camp. Double watches until morning; I''ll decide whether we''re going visiting by then. For now... try not to get et."

 Day Five Hundred And Seventy-Six

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, I remember reading an article back in the day that talked about how ADHD was on the rise, and then went on to blame it on social media and mobile devices. Like, I didn''t even have social media or a mobile device until I hit junior high, and I assure you that I was ADHD as fuck well before that. It reminds me of another think piece I read about Autism Spectrum Disorder, where the writer, who identified as Autistic, talked about how autism diagnosis was on the rise, but that didn''t mean that autism was more common; just that autistic people were struggling more with modern life than they had in the past, so they got diagnosed more. Thee writer talked about how they find repetitive tasks soothing, and said they''d churn the shit out of all the butter anybody could ever want, and watch sheep all day long, but the sound of electricity drives them bonkers, and walking down a street in a major metropolitan area was just fuckin'' hellish for them.


    I think that might be related with the ADHD thing. Like, when there''s only two or three things I could possibly be doing, I might wind up being an airhead and doing the wrong one, or staring at the sky thinking about clouds, but give me a mobile device with six different social media feeds and I will never escape that shit until my battery dies. So I don''t really think the mobile devices or social media were causing kids to ''get'' ADHD so much as they were exacerbating or calling attention to the kids who might otherwise have just been a little flaky.


    I mean, I''m not a trained psych professional. I''m just spitballing about the difference between then and now, where I''m an actual productive, valued, and even celebrated member of society. Like, I''m still ADHD as fuck. I''ll think something is absolutely the highest priority in the world on Monday, and by Tuesday I''m off doing something else entirely because a crisis comes up or some similar shit, and then by Friday I''ve utterly forgotten whatever the important thing was. If something reminds me, whether it''s something random that fires just the right neuron, or one of my ladies actually deliberately reminding me, or the thing itself sinking it''s fangs into my posterior, I''ll jump back onto the ''must do this now, it''s a priority'' bandwagon, but actually staying on task when something else bumps me off task is just not something I''m good at doing.


    Yes, I can hyperfocus. But again, that''s not me choosing to stay on task. That''s my brain saying, ''serotonin in here, gotta get it'' and not letting me let go of whatever I''m doing. If nothing distracts me, or I have big metaphoric or even actual neon post it notes flashing in front of my eyes when I''m not on task, I can get back on task and get shit done.


    Holy shit, was that why I liked video games so much? Y''know, with the whole ''quest journal'' and ''mission flags'' and all the other fuckin'' ways they had to tell me ''yo, dipshit, over here''.  That might actually have been the fuckin'' reason.


    Oh, fuck, now I want to find an eminently bribable itty bitty Fae with some ability to remember shit and bribe them to sit on my shoulder and remind me of my current top priority every time I go off task. Like, yeah, eventually I''d yeet them into the sun, or hopefully just leave them behind at the Homestead, but seriously, that might fuckin'' work.


    Or I could just put myself into situations where there''s just not all that much to distract me, and where the tasks to be done are super complex ones like, ''run west'' and ''don''t die''. Which the Cadets and I managed to do yesterday.


    When I gave the order to set up camp, the Cadets immediately moved into that little copse the hunters had stayed in last time we camped here. I guess it really was a good spot, or at least the Cadets who''d dallied with Silk thought so. Ryan and Chloros claimed first sack time, and Ryan managed to stifle any complaints by digging into her tinker pack and coming out with bribery tier snacks. Pastry for Mackenzie, candy for Brown and Aetos, and some kind of jerky for O''Brien. Fuck it, I''d heard of worse ways to claim a watch, and she wasn''t trying to buy off being on watch, just bribing her fellows to let her take the last one. Or to let her and Chloros get first dibs on the copse.


    Now, last time we were here it seemed to fit four okay, but I wasn''t gonna interfere unless something required it. Really, I leaned on my Blend just a little, because I wanted them to act like I wasn''t there to keep watch all night and keep them safe as houses until they woke in the morning. Aetos and O''Brien had first watch, and I watched as Aetos set up a pretty solid Alarm Ward to help them spot anything that managed to avoid detection by the two of them. Brown and Mackenzie, who''d gotten what I considered the shittiest watch, middle watch, started a small fire with a Filtration Ward keeping the smoke in a tiny dome. They also had a ring of stones and shit to both keep the fire contained and keep the light mostly going straight up rather than illuminating the camp and killing everybody''s night vision.If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


    All in all, it seemed like they''d learned from last time. Not so much ''learned because I taught them'', but ''learned because I kept them alive through all the inconveniences they''d experienced, so they brought solutions this time''.


    Funniest portion of the night was when Brown, who''d just finished eating, looked at Mackenzie and said, "you think they''re done yet?"


    Mackenzie shook her head and said, "whether they are or not, I''m tired. If they don''t keep it down enough for me to sleep, I may smother them."


    Brown just shook their head, laughed, and headed into the copse, totally making as much noise as possible without seeming like it. Mackenzie followed him a few moments later when no shrieks of partners caught in flagrante delicto emanated from the copse.


    Some time in the middle of second watch I had a thought, one I couldn''t remember if I''d had before. I don''t remember if I learned this at the Academy or back at Eastside, but the Sacred Brotherhood of Thebes, which I do recall Doc DeLeon teaching us was the inspiration for Phileo''s Heroic tradition, required members to be in an intimate relationship with at least one other member of the Brotherhood. Loki told me Potami and Velazquez were doing the horizontal mambo. Siobhan talked about having to report relationships and implied she wanted to make sure they weren''t anathemic to the Cadets'' Patrons. I''d always thought of that as kind of a ''heads up before shit burns down'', or maybe putting the ''offenders'' on some kind of list, but I just realized it may have just been confirming that yes, those particular Cadets, who would eventually be Heroes, had skin in the game when it came to keeping their fellow Heroes alive.


    Yah, when it''s cold as Laufey''s taint and it''s dark o''clock, dumb shit rolls through my brain.


    During third watch I remembered something I''d wanted to check on, and everything seemed stupidly quiet, like not even any sounds in the forest, which made perfect sense what with it being, as noted, cold enough to make Ymir''s cock shrivel, and most animals will hunker down and try to not become animalsicles at that point. So I Co-Located to Conrad''s Workshop, just inside the door, and called out, "son? Do you have a minute?"


    Of course he said, "for you, always, Mother Dearest," from right behind me. I turned around and gave him a big motherly hug, just to show him I loved him and his fondness for jump scares. Also he was warm, and ''can''t get frostbite'' isn''t the same as ''enjoys being an ice sculpture''. He showed himself to be just as prone to doing the ''get it off'' dance as any warm blooded creature when I did that, and I laughed and let him go.


    "Thanks, son. The tack for the Nightmares is ready, right?"


    "Of course. I''ve just been waiting for you to tell me when and where you need it."


    I smiled at him. "I''m thinking the first thing we do on Menace''s birthday is we take her and her sisters to pick up their new Steeds and ride them back to the Homestead."


    He opened his mouth to comment, then got the unspoken part of my plan. "Oh, that should be delightful. I..."


    "Go on?"


    "I shouldn''t, but... would you mind awfully if I moved my Workshop there?"


    I shot him a grin. "I''ve been wondering if you wanted to or not."


    He tilted his head from side to side. "Oh, the perpetual interruption of Menace and my quieter siblings might eventually drive me to close my door now and again, but I suspect proximity may eventually prove itself useful."


    I nodded. "Let me double check with Saffron, but I''d love for you to move closer." He nodded. "Gliders will be ready then?" A smile and another nod. "One more thing; no rush, but I need it by New Year''s." I explained what I wanted, while his grin got wider and wider.


    "Of course, Mother. Consider it done."


    "I know I could count on you, son." I gave him another quick hug, then collapsed back into myself.


    Dawn found the Cadets rested and ready to move. Which we did, heading more or less southwest, following Closer''s directions to his home. We made decent progress, even though me having to read the directions and the funky map and trying to figure out what Closer meant when he said stuff like, ''the grandfather oak'' until Chloros pointed out a big honkin'' tree with bare branches, which my brain hadn''t registered as an ''oak'' because it didn''t have oak leaves or acorns. Because I am, as noted, an idiot. The snow wound up being even worse, because instead of heading over the ridges, we mostly moved straight along the valleys, occasionally shifting over to the neighboring valley when the ridge between them dipped into a saddle.


    By the end of the day, we''d gone maybe half to two thirds the distance we had the previous day, and I still wasn''t sure we were gonna find the place, because the final direction read ''go on a good distance, and you''ll be there''. Fortunately, the same thing that showed us their location last time gave us a hint this time. A single plume of smoke rising into the sky, barely visible in the light of the setting sun.

 Day Five Hundred And Seventy-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    Every now and then, typically when I probably shouldn''t be, I think about nuts and bolts level stuff of being Isekaied. Some of it''s weird, but I just gotta shrug and say ''magic''. Other shit is more laws of nature, or physics, or history or something, and those start baking my noodle when I''m not careful.


    In this case, I''m talking about language. I have no idea if ''Standardized Celtic'' is anything like Irish or Welsh or any of the other sort of related languages spoken by nominally Celtic people back where I''m from. I didn''t speak any of them, I knew English and enough Spanish to get myself in trouble and maybe get back out again without doing shady shit. Same goes for Greek; I''ve got no idea if I yoinked some Greek speaker from my old world here if they''d be able to chat with Saffron or not. Okay, obviously they would be able to, because Blend, because my Kitten does that shit too, but my point is I''m not sure how close they are.


    But English, on the other hand, is apparently close enough here and now to Modern English that Maze can read Pratchett and get the jokes and everything. Now, some of that may be her being a kid and adapting to the written English she''s reading. But Karen seemed just fine with the Romance novels, too. Which means that here-and-now English is close enough to be mutually understandable, which is just fuckin'' weird. As noted earlier, noodle baked.


    But that''s just the start of what I''ve been pondering. My old Honors English Four teacher... why is everybody laughing? Of course I got into Honors English; the standards at my old school dipped abysmally low at times, and I can avoid reading a book in front of me if and only if it''s held closed by somebody''s naughty bits. Seriously, not even food''s gonna do it, because I can read and eat. If I''m fuckin'' and I pick up a book, trust me, you have long since lost my attention. Just enjoy yourself and take the pity orgasm and let me read.


    At any rate, my English teacher mentioned something once about language affecting the way we think. Like, part of the beauty of a hideous evolved pidgin mess like English is how much flexibility and nuance a fluent speaker is capable of. Just word choice can totally change the connotation, even if the denotation of two sentences is functionally identical. For anyone still not convinced, consider ''forgive me, father, I have sinned'', and ''sorry, daddy, I been bad'' comin'' out the mouth of a chica in a Catholic school uniform. Now you''re pickin'' up what I''m putting down. Thing is, that''s actually a problem when it comes to scientific academic shit, because science is tryna pin things down, and using English to do that can be like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree with nails made out of Nutella. But there''s shit I can say in English, no problem, that I can''t really even think in Spanish. Maybe that''s ''cause I''m not fluent enough, but the concept is still solid. Like, constructed languages like Esperanto and Mandarin are gonna have a hard time expressing thoughts their creators never thought to include words for.


    Now, takin'' that a setp further, if I throw Blend into the mix, how is that affecting things. Like, okay, for me I had language already, but what about Isnomi? She''s learning new words every day, but how does she think about them? Does she think in some kind of ur-language, then let Blend translate into mouth noises the rest of us can understand, does she think in Celtic, or does she not even think, just emotes and lets Blend turn it into words? Seriously, I''m pretty sure she''s thinking, but the thought of what language she''s thinking in is kinda messing with me.


    Then there''s the fatass elephant in every room. If what I''ve been told is true, Domnu locked Mimic in a box while the universe was barely quarks and shit. She stayed in that box pretty much until the moment the Keeper pried one of her Dark Fatassness'' tentacles out. Which means for most of eternity, she''s had no language whatsoever. The universe is a couple billion years old at this point, if I remember my science class shit right, and when you''re talking billions of years, one year with people making mouth noises is nothing. How the fuck does Darth Tentacle think without language?


    I mean, I''ve heard of people with no inner monologue, but that''s not real, right? That just makes no damn sense. Shit, I''ve got multiple inner dialogues going at any given time, a couple standup routines, and that one bitch who won''t stop screaming. One voice would be great. But none... that just doesn''t make sense. Every time I hear that line, ''she hears voices'', I have to bite my lip to avoid replying, ''yeah, it''s called thinking, asshole''. Because you know they''d then talk about my thinking asshole for the rest of the day.


    Speaking of the end of the day, at the end of the day yesterday my Cadets and I spotted smoke and headed toward it. Shortly after the sun went down, we came out from the edge of the trees into a clearing. If there hadn''t been some areas which had obviously been cleared off and then snowed back over, I would have thought it a natural clearing full of low hillocks. Of course, all of us were more than a little cold and icy, what with some light snow and rain coming down as we ran through the day combining with the sub zero temperatures to make things cold as fuck. I think the only reason I''d been so capable of dealing with the cold last year while Curing Lancaster was because I''d spent a few months with no heat in my room. My Bath must have been making me soft, because I absolutely wanted to get in out of thee snow and cold and shit.


    "Hallo the house! Anybody home? Closer said to come visit?"


    I hadn''t done one of duBois paver shaking parade ground shouts, just hollered a bit, so I really hoped the shaking at the end of one of those hillocks wasn''t some kind of mini-avalanche. A moment later the outline of a door shoved through the snow at the end of the little hill, and Closer looked out to where I stood shouting. I don''t think he meant for me to hear him mutter, "fuckin'' Silk." But he smiled and waved us forward, calling out, "Tabitha Diaz! You made it here! Come in, come in!"


    I waded forward, the Cadets following behind me in a line, and we filed into the... well, it wasn''t really a hill, not from the inside. The door opened inward, although somehow the snow just outside the door had been shoved back maybe an inch. My immediate guess was some kind of Shaping, but then it might have just been some cool engineering on the door. If Closer didn''t open the door quite all the way, I totally understood, what with that much snow just outside waiting to topple in. I did my best to pull some of it back so I could step over it without getting too much inside. After a quick handclasp, he pulled me through the door and into a little entryway mud room, separated from whatever lay beyond by a wooden wall surrounding a doorway covered over by what looked like a leather curtain.


    I dusted my pants off, then kinda shook myself to get the worst of the snow off. Looking around the little room, I realized that four people could fit in here if they were cozy. "Uh, should I take my shoes off, or what?"


    Closer turned from where he''d been helping Mackenzie into the room, sighed, and said, "would be nice, but..." I think I surprised him when I straight up banished my boots and jacket, which ditched most of the snowiest parts. It really wasn''t a big deal, because between the layer of snow and the lack of wind, the room had to be a solid twenty degrees warmer than outside. It might even be above freezing. I pulled my tinker pack off normally, holding it out and saying, "Marie packed this for me, so I''m not sure what all''s in here, but I''d love to share."


    He nodded toward the curtain. "Go on in." Then he called out a little louder, "the folks we met came visiting."


    As I stepped to the curtain, I said, "the others might need a spot to put their boots and jackets; dunno if they know that little wardrobe trick."


    He nodded, and I stepped into the next room. It reminded me a little of the longhouses in Norfolk, although not nearly so big. Three women and two kids sat around a little open firepit thing. Okay, that sounds way more primitive than it really was; it looked a little like what you''d see in some kinda upscale house, with a sofa around a central fireplace with the flue hanging down from above. Only here the flue wasn''t. Like, there was obviously a flue, the little smoke that rose from the burning coals rose toward a central opening in the roof. I guess they''d made it from Mana or something, which shouldn''t have surprised me, but it did.If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


    While I nodded to the women and kids, not to mention stepping to the side to stop blocking the door, I took in the rest of the room. Definitely a conversation pit in the middle of the floor. The rest of the room tickled at my brain until I realized it looked a lot like Marie''s Kitchen and Conrad''s Workroom. This wasn''t really a ''lounging space'' so much as a ''working space''. When I''d come in, the all five of them had been humming some kind of tune while they did what looked like some kind of needlework, but the two younger women stopped while the older one, who looked to be of an age with Grandma Aetos, kept humming and working at something. I realized pretty quick that she wasn''t sewing anything; she was putting a leather grip on a knife.


    "Welcome to our home, traveler. Call me Finch." The slightly older looking of the two younger women, who had that slightly squishy look that told me she might be the mom of the two kids, did not sound perfectly welcoming, but then I''m not sure I would be if somebody barged in on me after dark.


    "I''m Tabitha. Thanks for having us. Did you guys eat yet?" At their nods, I set my pack down and rifled through it until I found what I was looking for. "Did you have dessert?" They all five looked at me, doing a simultaneous head tilt that I found hilarious and adorable. "My fianc¨¦e made pie. I''d love to share it with you guys, if you''ve got room?"


    I pulled the pie out and held it out toward them. Grandma reached out a hand and waved me over as the scent of pumpkin pie spices filled the room. Just this once, it wasn''t my BO, either. Not entirely, anyhow. "Smells good. Pumpkin?"


    I smiled. "I think so. I''m kinda hopeless in the kitchen. She''s been teaching me, but I can just about avoid burning water."


    That got a laugh out of her, and she waved for me to sit and pulled out a knife that looked a lot more used than the one she''d been working on. "Call me Grandmother." She looked around the room, and I got a sense that she wasn''t just looking around the room, but looking around all the other little hills I''d assumed were other houses. "Everyone else does."


    By the time Closer followed the last of the Cadets in, the room was a little crowded, but Grandmother, Finch, her daughters Dandelion and Sunflower, and her sister Sparrow all had slices of Marie''s pie in hand. I''d made sure to save a decent slice for Closer, and only taken a token slice for myself, but that left like two slices to split between all six Cadets. Brown begged off, O''Brien chose the path of not pissing me off when I shot him a look after he made like he was gonna scarf up a whole slice to himself and split it with Aetos.


    Turns out Finch''s problem wasn''t with me. Then again, her problem really wasn''t with Mackenzie or Ryan either, even though she gave them both stink eye when they introduced themselves. The source of her animosity made himself clear when Silk stuck his head past the curtain.


    "What''s this! Our..."


    "Out." Finch cut him off.


    "But I..."


    "Should be on watch. Out."


    He managed a pitiful look, even with that absolute gorgeous Chad face of his. "So cold..."


    "OUT!" With her tone going from longsuffering annoyance to something closer to genuine anger, Silk bolted. "And don''t forget to close the door again!"


    The Cadets chatted with Closer and the women while I watched Grandmother finish the knife hilt she''d been working on. I wasn''t a knife snob or anything, but the blade looked nice, and the patterns she''d worked into the leather handle were both beautiful and looked like they''d serve the same function as those little bumps you''d see on rubber knife handles. Then again, as noted, not a knife girl. They might have been shit for that, and the piece was just for show. Looked pretty though.


    "You won''t mind splitting your people up between a couple of the other houses? None of us have that many extra beds."


    I shrugged. "I''d like to keep ''em in pairs." When she tilted her head, I realized how it could be taken and explained. "It keeps their stupidest impulses in check if somebody they know is watching them."


    She laughed at that, and nodded. "Although that pair," she nodded first to Ryan, then to Mackenzie, "apparently push each other to being stupider."


    I chuckled. "Yeah, but can you blame them? He''s very pretty."


    She nodded. "His father was too."


    Something clicked. "Silk''s your son?"


    Her grin got wider, and when she met my gaze it seemed like the years dropped away from her face. I absolutely saw the resemblance when that happened, and my mouth may have been hanging open when she said, "Grandson."


    Tabitha, are you about to Just Happen to the village''s Grandmother?


    Oh, no! She''s hot! I dunno if she got the reference, but she laughed at my joke anyhow.


    Grandmother blinked and the years were back, but like one of those magic eye things, once seen it couldn''t be unseen. "Chosen tells me you''re married to spirits?"


    I chuckled. "Nah. I mean, Marie might qualify, sorta, but I wouldn''t call her that. But Saffron''s no more a spirit than you or I."


    She smiled, but an oddly serious one. "Aren''t we all, though, just a little, those of us with gifts?"


    "Huh. Never thought of it that way. Y''know, I half think she''d love to talk to you."


    Now Grandmother''s smile got a little more natural. "She should come visit some time."


    I rubbed at my head. "Thanks for the invite, but if she comes, Marie''s definitely gonna show, and that means the kids are gonna want to come, and that means Siobhan will tag along. It''ll be a whole thing."


    She shrugged. "In this weather traveling is unwise, especially for children, but come spring?"


    "Oh, it''s not the weather, really. Or the travel. But you guys are having to split up our little group, and my ladies would be three more even before we take the kids into account, and even if they''re little, there are seven of them."


    Finch heard that and barked out, "seven?" She waved a hand at my abs like she wanted to slap them. "Seven, and you have those?"


    I laughed. "Oh, no. One''s Saffron''s, five are Marie''s adoptees, and one''s a Foster from Lady Crow." They got real still when I mentioned that name. "Ah, shit. You guys don''t have any bad blood with Rich Man''s Port or Lady Tallulah Crow, do you?"


    The other two looked to Grandmother, who said, "with this Lady Crow, none that I know of. With the ones who live in ''Rich Man''s Port'', we''ve had troubles in the past. More than the ones from ''Lancaster'' or ''Calverton''."


    I frowned. "Can''t change the past, but going forward if any of them give you any trouble, please send word. We''ll come collect our people and deal with them."


    "Your?"


    I shrugged. "As of a month ago, maybe? Although I''m not sure it''s official yet. But yeah, Lady Crow is mine, so her people are my responsibility, so if they''re giving you problems, me or one of mine will be along to knock some sense into them and fix whatever they''ve fucked up." I knew I was kinda maybe blurring some lines there, but something told me this was an occasion for personal trust, not big diplomacy.


    "You''d take our word over theirs?"


    I shrugged and laughed. "Oh, please. You guys don''t strike me as the type to lure some stupid sailor this far inland just to accuse him of doing dumb shit. If they''ve gotten this far away from Rich Man''s Port, either they''re running from something or they''re out here to try something, and either way they need to respect the folks who live here."


    She just looked at me for a few moments, then nodded again. "If the travelling isn''t an issue... Your spirit wife, Marie?" I shrugged and nodded. "She can bring the others?"


    I smiled. "She and Saffron and Siobhan could bring the kids. Heck, I could go get them if I wasn''t duty bound to watch over my Cadets here."


    "So perhaps they can come visit tomorrow night."


    I frowned. "We really don''t want to impose on your hospitality too much. Besides, we''re really supposed to keep moving."


    She shook her head. "But you won''t. Not tomorrow."


    "Why not?"


    She leaned in and whispered, "because you are not as much of a fool as you let others think."


    With that, she started prodding the women and Closer to get the Cadets to where they''d be bedding down. Split the Cadets up according to their watch preferences, and it turned out that while it wasn''t a super comfortable route for O''Brien, none of them had to go back in the snow. All of the houses were connected by tunnels between their storage cellars. Slept like a baby. A big hungry baby dreaming of ladies made of food, especially a certain angel food cake Sidhe lady who put in a far happier appearance than she had previously. Slept all bundled up with Grandmother''s family. No moves were put on anyone by anyone, which I''m not sure if I''m happy about or not.


    Turns out we did spend the entire day at the village, and none of us went outside. They even let Silk back inside, because the weather had turned from ''cold snow flurries'' to ''Ymir''s uncontrollable dandruff''. An absolute shitstorm of mostly snow, with some frozen rain and hail mixed in for good measure. We earned some goodwill when one of the roofs started to crack under the meteorological assault. O''Brien straight up grabbed the roof beam and held that shit in place until I got there, at which point I helped him push it back into the proper shape, then Mineral Bonded the shit out of the beam until it decided to stop fucking around and cracking.


    It didn''t slow down until the sun was slipping behind the horizon. I stepped outside to make sure none of the buildings looked like the roofs had started to sag or something, not to mention checking the weather.


    That''s when I saw a very familiar Rabbit sitting in the small clear space in the middle of all the little hills.

 Day Five Hundred And Seventy-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    It''s amazing how many people seem to think that ''community'' is something that needs building in poor neighborhoods. Shit, sometimes I think that''s the one thing poor people still have, is a sense of community. I''ve mentioned my aunties before, but let''s be clear; if any of them were blood relations, I couldn''t tell you which. I mean, yeah, eventually when the Aunty Collective decided I was old enough to sit down and gossip, I''d figure that shit out, but I also knew sort of instinctively that it didn''t matter. Kids are kids, and when your neighbor has to work, you watch their kids. Yeah, maybe if there''s some kind of need for it you pay them for ''babysitting'', but that payment is just as likely to be something you brought home from a job. Food, cleaning supplies, clothing. Whatever. If it got formalized at all, more than half likely it was to meet the requirements of some kind of government ''working poor'' initiative designed to make sure that nobody ''undeserving'' ate.


    Babysitting, block parties, mutual aid, I never really thought about that kind of thing as ''community'' until one of my Social Studies teachers pointed it out. Specifically, they said, ''Poor Rural and Urban people have Communities, Working Suburbanites have Home Owner''s Associations''. Of course, when some wag asked him what rich people had, he replied, ''governments''.


    Thing is, I don''t know what I expected when I came to visit Closer''s people, but somehow I didn''t expect to find something so similar to what I remembered from back in Camden. I mean, smaller scale, I think. No way is the village holding seventy thousand people. Definitely a lot more guys, although most of them like Little Panther seemed to hang out with other guys rather than in the ''traditional nuclear family'' I expected from television back in the day. But if the male to female ratio wasn''t one to one, it was close enough I couldn''t tell. I mean, I only saw the edges of it, and only from crawling around from house to house through the cellars during the snowstorm.


    But those are just details, really. What I found was a community, hunkered down to wait out the worst of the winter. Telling stories, sleeping in, doing maintenance work on tools and clothing, not to mention making new stuff. I also found a community poised to accept the seven of us as putative friends, since our three hunter friends wound up coming back from their hunt way early, loaded with all the meat from that fuckin'' moose on top of everything else they''d caught. Really, I think we got more goodwill from the meat than from Silk coming home early. I swear, I have got to set up some kind of a himbo exchange program between the village and Lancaster House. Maybe even elsewhere. Then again, that might wind up single handedly lowering the IQ of the species as a whole. We''d definitely all be prettier though.


    So just as the sun set I stepped outside to get some air and spotted a certain Rabbit sitting between the mounds of snow, which I assumed were all houses. I waved, she nodded, and I stepped over to her. She froze for a moment when I didn''t bother to trudge through thee snow in between, then beckoned me to follow her. I realized really quick that while she''d been between a cluster of houses, she wasn''t technically in the middle of the village. By the time we got to the actual center of the village, I''d raised my estimate of its size from a couple hundred to a couple thousand people. I''d also felt a weird change in the air. A glance over my left shoulder showed a dark cloud in the distance. A gently undulating cloud that told me where we''d wandered.


    When she turned to face me, nodding to what looked like some natural benches, I said, "M-Space?" as I sat. When she tilted her head, I said, "uh, the spirit world?"


    She smiled and nodded. "Perceptive."


    I shrugged. "Wouldn''t have known if it weren''t for," I nodded my head towards the clouds in the distance. "Kinda wanna know how you managed such a smooth transition without Translocating." She shuddered a little, and I held up a hand. "Not tryna pry into your trade secrets or anything. Just curious."


    She shook her head. "You wouldn''t be one of us if you weren''t curious."


    "A God?"


    She made a face at that, as if the term wasn''t quite what she was, but then smiled and said, "A Trickster."


    I laughed. "Yeah, I guess I am. Didn''t set out to be like this. Just happened." Then I realized what I''d said, and laughed enough it was hard to get out, "guess I kinda fucked myself there."


    She just kept up that mild smile. "This is the first time I''ve met a Trickster who didn''t think it was the best possible thing to be."


    I shrugged. "Hey, it''s better than being a monster, like some of the assholes I''ve had to put down." She shuddered again, and I said, "hey, you''ve been nothing but polite and friendly. Shit, even if you''re just setting me up for some kinda con, so long as no kids or any of my ladies get hurt I''ll probably just laugh that shit off. Eventually. Probably. No guarantees if it involves Hole Spawn stink or anything close to that."


    "Hole Spawn?"


    I nodded. "From what I''ve gathered, hybrids of the big Dragon in the Chesapeake and bottom feeders like crabs and catfish."


    She looked more than a little disturbed by that. "But... the great Dragon of the Chesapeake died hundreds of winters ago."


    "Yeah, death didn''t seem to slow it down all that much."


    She froze again, a look off horror clawing its way onto her face, then turned almost unwillingly to look at the cloud of my tentacles hovering above the eastern horizon. "Is..."


    I laughed, the sound startling her. "Nah, that''s, uh, kinda indirectly why the Dragon isn''t a problem any more. Dropped a big metal ship on it from about five miles up. It went splat."


    "The ship?"


    "The Dragon. It splattered to bits all over the Bay. I kinda keep forgetting to check and make sure it''s not pulling itself together or something, but my Trolls haven''t said anything, and I kinda suspect they spend a fair amount of their time underwater. Shit, might just want to give them the Bay and call it a day." I looked over to where Rabbit just stared at me, still looking kind of horrified.


    I watched as she looked back and forth between me and my tentacles a couple times. I saw it in her eyes when something went click. Guess well honed Trickster survival instincts do occasionally beat Blend. "That''s you."


    I very carefully slouched a little without moving very much at all. "Yeah. That''s me."


    "I want very much to flee, but fear that you will give chase."


    I shrugged. "Not gonna lie, following you here I liked the view, but not so much I''d force the issue if you so clearly weren''t into it."


    She snorted despite herself. "That''s not what I meant and you know it."


    "Hey, I''m also not gonna lie and say I''ve never eaten anyone. At least one of them sorta deliberately, but the other option was letting a little girl who never deserved to be hurt stay dead."


    "Stay dead?"


    I sighed. "One of the first hints that I got that I was," here I just nodded at the mass of my tentacles on the horizon, "was helping a healer bring a friend back from an untimely death. So yeah, I do that now and then." I stopped and thought about it, glancing away and giving her an opportunity to bolt if she wanted. "Mostly kids now that I think about it." Then I chuckled. "Hell, with all the kids in Calverton, I''d say ''overwhelmingly kids''."


    "You save the young? What about the old?"


    I sighed. "The only one I know of who was really old wasn''t down for it. She was ready for the afterlife, so I carried her there."


    "She couldn''t find her own way?"


    "There''s an ocean in the way. Also, dunno, maybe folks out here in the," I very carefully edited the word ''sticks'', "country can find their own way, but City folk tend to need a guide. This side can be a little tricky if you''re not used to it."


    She thought about that. "I suppose."Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    "Y''know, you showed up, then led me here, and I really do have something I want to ask you about, but I kinda thought you had some questions for me?"


    She shook her head. "Not so much questions. Just bidding you welcome, perhaps introducing you to someone, since you seemed to take Silk in stride, yet something tells me you could and would put him in his place were he less..."


    "Less Silk?"


    She laughed. "Just so." She turned to the side of the town furthest from where we''d come in and called out, "she''s here."


    Now, I''d meant what I said about Rabbit earlier, but only in a kind of casual way. She was cute, in a kind of almost androgynous way, black hair pulled mostly up under a cap today, wearing leather pants that looked more like organic jeans than painted on, her outfit one that said, ''I''m dressed for cold weather'' rather than ''I''m here to party'' or ''I''m dressed to survive the blizzard that''s just barely ended''. The woman who straight up vaulted over one of the houses like it wasn''t no thing was something else entirely. Moccasins of the dainty variety where Rabbit had on sensible almost-boots. A skirt which at first looked to be above the knee, but settled to mid-calf after she landed, but clearly slit high enough to show plenty of thigh. Dressed for Spring, in the ''mating season'' sense. Long legs, nice understated curves, classic almost-handsome beautiful face, long straight black hair that flowed all the way down to mid-thigh. She strode over to where the two of us sat, looking haughty and maybe a little bit full of herself.


    Also tense enough to nearly snap herself apart, although I wasn''t sure why.


    "Hey there. My name''s Tabitha. What''s yours?"


    She shot me a look, and somehow I knew that what came out of her mouth next was being translated by my Blend, and was also not her actual ''name'', even in the sense that Rabbit called herself Rabbit. "Lily."


    "Good to meet you, Lily. I hear you''re a friend of Rabbit''s?"


    She looked at Rabbit, who gave her a surreptitious nod, then looked back at me. "We''re... cousins."


    I have no idea why the woman felt she needed to lie to me, but she was so bad at it I almost couldn''t accuse her of lying. Like, she was saying things that weren''t objectively true, maybe, but her delivery was so bad I knew they weren''t true, and I can''t even consider that lying, really. "Cool! I''m just here visiting our friend Closer and his buddies Panther and Silk. Thinking about bringing the family in to meet them tonight. You gonna be around for a bit?"


    She looked at me, looked at Rabbit, then looked back to me. "Perhaps."


    "Okay. Well. It''s cool meeting you." I turned to Rabbit. "If it''s not too much of an imposition, could I ask you something, maybe?"


    "So long as you don''t think we''re bound to answer."


    I shook my head. "Oh, hell no. Just asking maybe for some information about someone who left Rich Man''s Port. She''s my Foster-Daughter''s sister, and both her sister and her mom miss her. She left after a bit of a fight with her mom, and for all they know she''s lying dead in a ditch somewhere, and we''d really like to find her." I didn''t go into how I''d tried to scry on her, and how my cranial rectal inversion made it really seem like she had some defenses up, which meant she wasn''t dead. I hoped.


    "A lost daughter? I''m not certain what we could do to help, but I think we will if we can. Right?"


    Lily blinked once, then said, "was a man involved?"


    I shrugged. "I think her brother might have stirred some shit up, got them fighting or kept them fighting longer than they would have normally. He was kind of a shit."


    "Was?"


    "My fianc¨¦e gutted him."


    For the first time I saw a smile on Lily''s face. "I think I''d like to meet this fianc¨¦e of yours."


    "I could arrange that," I turned to Rabbit, "if you don''t mind?" She shrugged, and I thought, Marie, come join me? Careful, it''s cold.


    A second later my Murder Mittens showed up, and shit got very, very tense. Lily and Rabbit both froze, and I''m talking ''no moving, no breathing, no blinking'' froze. Before anything could go horribly wrong, I pulled Marie into my lap, rustling her Maid''s uniform as I did, and said, "Marie, this is Rabbit and Lily. Lilly, Rabbit, this is my fianc¨¦e Marie. The one who gutted Lindsey''s brother Adrienne."


    Rabbit relaxed. Not much, not all the way, but she moved from ''I am a sculpture'' to ''I am a small mammal in the presence of an apex predator who has inexplicably chosen not to eat me''. Lily, on the other hand, shook her head. "Did you say Adrienne?" I nodded. "Is that a common name among your people?"


    "Not really. You knew an Adrienne from Rich Man''s Port?"


    "She said not where she was from, but she looked a little like one of your people. A bit skinnier than most."


    I nodded. "Yeah. Sidhe tend that way. Honestly, I think she''s stockier than her mom. But... red hair, freckles?"


    "That sounds like her."


    I stamped down on my excitement. "Do you know where she is then?"


    She shook her head. "Sadly, I cannot help you with that. Only that I met her, I think shortly after she fled. It was some ten winters ago."


    "That sounds about right. Any idea where she went? Even a vague direction?"


    Lily shrugged. "We spoke about that for a bit. She asked about the Spirit Lands to the West, and seemed put off by some of what I told her. She seemed ready to return to the coast, although not to where she''d come from. She couldn''t return to her mother''s house, nor would she go to any of her mother''s enemies, but she spoke of people elsewhere along the coast who she might be able to join."


    I sighed. "Well, at least we know she didn''t wind up dead in a ditch before getting this far. Also, knowing she didn''t intend to head West gives us a little more information than we had. Thanks, Lily." I held out a hand, and she stepped forward and clasped it without thinking. Then she froze again as Marie chuckle-purred. "Oh, cut that out, Marie." Turning to Lilly, I gave her hand a quick squeeze then said, "sorry, she''s got a sense of humor, but she''s not going to eat you."


    "Maybe."


    "Mittens!"


    "Hot."


    At that point I laughed. "Okay, okay, yeah, she''s smokin'' hot, yeah, but could you maybe not cause a diplomatic incident by implying that you''re going to literally consume her when you''re trying to imply that you''d fuck her if she''s inclined?" I turned to Lily again and shook my head. "Sorry. I''ve been away and I think somebody''s missing me."


    Mittens shook her head, then shrugged. "Tall."


    At that point I realized that Lily really was kinda looming a little. Not Marie tall, definitely, but well over six feet. "You know I could do that too, right?" She shrugged, and I turned back to Lily. "Anyhow, she''s not going to be having you for dinner," here I steamrolled Marie''s next comment, "even if she wants to, sorry for the vulgarity but I don''t want misunderstandings, fuck you as an after dinner activity." Then I turned back to Marie. "What''s gotten into you. Okay, I know, but still. You don''t even know if she''s into women."


    "Spaghetti."


    For whatever reason, that got me. I broke down laughing, and Marie followed me. By the time I finished, Lily was sitting next to Rabbit, both of them staring at us. "I think we''re gonna be going back in, socializing some more. I dunno, are you two...?"


    Rabbit shrugged and nodded, while Lily said, "someone needs to keep Silk in line."


    I waved for Rabbit to lead the way, picked Marie up into a princess carry when I stood up, and followed her back, Lily crunching through the snow behind me. My Murder Mittens spent the whole walk back looking over my shoulder, presumably flirting wordlessly. No idea what had gotten into her, but so long as nobody got hurt and everybody agreed, I was cool with it. Lily really was pretty hot. If I weren''t on duty and planning on bringing the kids along for the evening, I might even think about joining in.


    Wild thinking about it like that, even wilder realizing that Saffron and Siobhan might well join me joining in rather than feeling some kinda way.


    When we got to the house, Rabbit walked in like she was family, and Grandmother greeted her by name. She did the same to Lily, but I got that same weird ''translation error'' thing happening in the back of my head when she said it. Not my lookout, if she had some kind of privacy thing going on, I wasn''t gonna be the one to harsh her mellow about something like that, so long as she didn''t pull any really heinous shit. After I introduced Marie, who Grandmother got the tiniest bit wide eyed about at first, but rolled with when, after I set her down, Marie curtsied and said, "Hearth Mother."


    Dunno what was up with that, but Grandmother seemed to like it. When things settled from that, but before they got too settled, I said, "I was thinking of bringing my ladies and daughters here for the evening, if it wouldn''t be an imposition?" When she paused, I said, "they''re a bit of a handful, but mostly just because there are a lot of them."


    Grandmother smiled, but a little sadly, and said, "we''ve certainly enough to go around, and if they''re all smaller we can all bundle together in the evening, but I''m not sure we''ve prepared enough for dinner for..."


    "Nine more, after the two of us."


    Grandmother winced, and the moment she did Marie disappeared. A moment later two of her reappeared with what looked like a whole roast side of beef. Grandmother''s jaw might have dropped open a moment, but then she laughed and said, "that will certainly do. Finch, Dandelion, Sunflower, help her put that in the kitchen."


    Kitten? You mind bringing the kids to meet the neighbors?


    I wondered where Marie hared off to with dinner. We''ll be along presently. Should the children wear their cold weather gear?


    Probably. If I know our kids, as soon as the snow stops falling they''re gonna be out playing in it.


    A few minutes of chatting with Grandmother about beef versus bison later, with her having had both, but not very much of either, since both were apparently imports for the little town, Saffron showed up behind me holding Daya and Isnomi. Siobhan showed a moment later holding David, and I felt Marie drop the bigger girls into the mud room a moment later. "Thank you for inviting us into your home, Grandmother."


    "Saffron, Siobhan, Isnomi, Daya, David, this is Grandmother. Grandmother, this is my wife Saffron, my Concubine Siobhan, and my daughters Isnomi, Daya, and David. Maze, Ria, Alex, and Lindsey are," I raised my voice just a little, pitching it toward the mud room, "getting their outdoor clothes off at the moment."


    Siobhan took that moment to say, "oh, I should help the little ones with that."


    Grandmother just looked at me. "Big family."


    I shrugged. "I like kids."


    Saffron laughed. "Don''t I remember you saying ''crotch goblins give you shit all the time''?"


    "Yeah, but that''s not their fault."


    Grandmother laughed and said, "true. Come. Sit. Let''s talk."


    Turned out, especially once Closer got back, that Grandmother, Closer, and Sparrow were Mana Shaping nerds just like my Kitten. On the other hand, our four older girls showed themselves to be remarkably good guests, going to help Marie and Grandmother''s two littler girls with dinner. I just sat there and helped the little ones with making food bite sized while they talked nerd stuff deep into the evening, until we all settled in for the night.


    Okay, ''bite sized'' for Menace was the whole fuckin'' cow, but you know what I mean.

 Day Five Hundred And Seventy-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, I know that between being a High Priestess meaning I can''t technically get sick, and Dad''s Jotnar whammy keeping me from feeling the cold, I really ought to be just fine running around in the cold and the wet indefinitely, but I still don''t like it. I still feel like I''m always right on the edge of getting sick, or my nose running, or some other nasty part of being out in cold ugly weather. The fact that it''s cold as Ymir''s frozen taint is just icing on the cake. Like, okay, I can''t get frostbite, and maybe that sore throat is just not enough liquid water inside me, but fuck, being out in the cold for too long is miserable.


    Honestly, I''ve got to keep a close eye on that, for serious. Yeah, I can''t get sick, but, and I haven''t really thought about this before, I am now apparently the Mor Primordial of Disease. I didn''t want that job, but if I''m right I''ve had it since before Calverton. Shit, since before Norfolk. Since I ashed Sengann and breathed in what remained of him. So I''ve got to be real careful not to accidentally put a disease whammy on people I run across. I''ve got to be especially careful about carrying diseases, because Garland proved that High Clergy don''t have to be symptomatic to infect people.


    So the visit went well; the kids had their little sleepover, and well before everybody hit the sack Isnomi had worked her wiles on the local kids; Sunflower and Dandelion had another half dozen kids from around the village sleeping over as well. Made for a really toasty room, if a really crowded one. Closer went off to visit his mom. Silk apparently normally bedded down at Grandmother''s place, which just so happened to be his grandmother''s place, what with her being his grandmother. Lily had other ideas, and chased him out of the house. Like, literally, followed him out into the snow.


    "He gonna be okay?"


    Finch sniffed. "if not, he deserves whatever happens to him."


    I sighed. Totally not because such a fine slab of grade A beef might wind up dead of terminal stupid before I had a slice. Really.


    In the morning, the snow had finally stopped, but there was so much of it everywhere that the villagers started digging tunnels through it, so they could move from house to house in them without having to crouch or crawl. As the sun crested the horizon, I pulled my Kitten into a hug and head bunted her. "I think we need to get moving."


    "I know, love. This evening has been a lovely break, and I''ll stay with the children for the day, but you''d best be going."


    Grandmother heard. "Take Silk and Panther with you. They could use the exercise."


    I shrugged, then nodded. "Sure. I''ll take good care of them."


    So by half an hour after the sun rose, we headed north. Kinda funny, while the Cadets pretty clearly had more raw Endurance, the hunters must have had some kind of overland running Skills or something. Most of my running, and probably all of the Cadets'', had been on the pavers of the Practice Yard. Those two, on the other hand, were clearly used to running over rough terrain, and it definitely gave them an edge over my Cadets. I mean, in sheer speed it gave them an edge over me, too, but I had all kinds of ways of cheating that shit. So while the two of them led the Cadets most of the day, with O''Brien and Chloros taking over in spots where bulk muscle mass was required to shove through some snow or fallen trees or shit, I mostly went in circles around the group.


    We headed in an arc, first north then back to the northeast, but we weren''t anywhere near the bower at nightfall. By my best estimates, we were north and west of it by then. Thing is, our local hunters definitely knew where we were, and knew of a nice overhang that just took a little bit of work to turn into a decent shelter. Two walls and a roof, but with a Filtration Ward over the open sides, we were pretty snug. Okay, the Cadets and the hunters were. They broke the watches up four ways, and I had no problem with that. At this point the locals might not be Alliance, but they were definitely ''friendly neighbors'', and all of us were more worried about Dire Bears and whatever had been spawning them to worry too much about whether the person keeping watch wore red or buckskin.Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work!


    I stayed up. I got some sleep the past two nights, so staying up overnight was hardly a strain. In the distance, I felt my ladies doing their nightly Worship thing, and it definitely helped.


    Everybody get home okay, Kitten?


    We''re all fine, love. Did you want to invite the neighbors over at some point?


    Probably a good idea. Sleep well, Kitten. I''ll see you tomorrow night.


    Love you, Goof.


    Love you too, Kitten


    Late, late into the night I felt... something. No idea what. Didn''t feel like Rabbit or Lily. Didn''t even feel like anything Deific, really. Nor anything from M-Space, like the Nightmares or Sidhe, who both kind of registered as ''more Mana enhanced than bog standard Horses and Humans''. That''s actually what I think I noticed, and I swear that''s some funky shit to notice; the currents of Mana in the world. Like, I only noticed them because something disturbed them, and I don''t know what the fuck it was, and once I noticed them I couldn''t not notice them.


    I''d first seen things like it with the ley lines over the Academy. Then I accidentally pulled one up when fighting Gregor. I think I may have come across one or two since then, especially when pulling lots of Mana, but other than that I''d never really noticed them. But this... something disturbed them, and it wasn''t me, and I noticed them, and once I did I couldn''t not notice them. Really fucked with my head, which ought to be obvious with how I can''t shut the fuck up about it.


    Still, nothing came down and ate us, and I didn''t feel the need to abandon my Cadets, because it would be just like some kind of predator to lure away the defense before coming in to feast on the young and the weak. Not that my Cadets were that much younger than me, but I''d be stupid to think I wasn''t stronger than even a Senior Cadet by this point. It''s not like I''d stopped training, and while some of them might have combat Skills somewhere near mine from practice, I''m pretty sure my Strength was higher than any of them, and that''s before I pumped it up with Strong Arm. So I stuck around guarding rather than going to investigate.


    In the morning I realized that we had to get home by the end of the day, so I looked at Silk and Panther and asked, "you guys wanna come see my house?"


    Before they could answer, Ryan, who''d donated quite a bit of Drivers'' food over the past couple days, cut in with, "I recommend it."


    "Really?" leered Silk.


    "Yep."


    Panther laughed and said, "okay, okay, you''ve twisted my arm. Lead on."


    So we took off running eastward. I wasn''t absolutely sure which valley led to ours fastest, but that wasn''t really a big problem, since we weren''t quite running along a valley at this point anyway, just kind of angling across them. Up one hill, down the next, leap over whatever little stream flowed at the bottom, then back up the next hill. I''d gone back to doing my circling thing, so I wasn''t always the first one to crest the ridgeline. That meant I got to hear Silk shout out, "what the fuck is that?"


    I leapt to where I''d heard him yell, then burst out laughing. When he looked at me where I''d literally started rolling down the hill clutching at my belly, I waved a hand. "Oh. Oh, sorry. Sorry. I leapt up here thinking we''d have to deal with some Wyverns or Dire Bears or maybe even a fuckin'' Dragon, and I knew we were close to home, but..." I wheezed to a stop, then rolled to my feet and stepped up next to Silk, putting one arm around his shoulder and waving across the valley with my other. "That, my friend, is the West Tower. Otherwise known as the westernmost part of my house."


    "It''s'' taller than the fuckin'' mountain!"


    I squinted. "Really? I mean, I know it''s close, but is it?"


    "Yes. Yes, I''m pretty sure it is."


    "Huh. It always looks lower from my little office at the top of the Bore."


    "The Bore?"


    "Big staircase. Runs from the back of our East House to the actual top of the mountain. I''ve got a little shack at the top. Good for when I need some alone time to think and don''t feel like brooding at the top of the Tower."


    I had to admit, in the light of the setting sun, the West Tower really did look Impressive. Sort of a giant middle finger pointed out from our house at anybody who wanted to come fuck with us. Which, I''ll have to admit, was way less eco-friendly than all the little in-ground houses of Grandmother''s village, but we hadn''t exactly put the house in the middle of a forest. More a spur valley that had next to nothing going on, life wise. I mean, we''d cut down an arc of forest around it, but not a huge one. Just enough to maybe plant some crops, and enough to see Dire Bears coming well before they got to our gates.


    Did not need to hear a Dire Bear roar right about then. But Murphy, and I cannot stress this enough, is a stone bitch.

 Day Five Hundred And Eighty

    Dear Diary,


    I definitely think I flipped some kind of Adult flag today. I know in the past I''ve seen adultier adults look at some bullshit I''d just pulled, or even was in the middle of pulling, and after a moment of building themselves up to confronting me and possibly shutting me down, possibly redirecting me, possibly losing their shit entirely, instead just deflate, shrug, and choose tranquility. Like, yeah, maybe they''d say something at that point, maybe something that wasn''t entirely appropriate due to language or situation or whatever, but the dressing down and explosion just didn''t happen, because there are just not enough hours in the day to deal with my bullshit.


    I never realized exactly what that would feel like from the other end of things. I guess I kinda realized today that those adults in the past weren''t entirely fed up with me, specifically. Adults deal with so much shit so often, especially adults working in places like my old Camden, that eventually they run entirely out of fucks to give. Which reminds me of a song, and now it''s going through my head again. Which normally isn''t all that bad, having yet another earworm in my brain, but now I''ve got Apollo''s gift of Music jawns working, so now everybody knows that song.


    So yeah, as we crested the last rise and Silk got his first good look at Saffron''s middle finger to the world, the by now distinctive cry of a Dire Bear echoed through the valley. Everybody went still, and I took the opportunity to really listen. Along with the roaring came the kind of crashing sound my brain still associated with traffic accidents. Crashing, thundering footfalls, and roaring all kinda travelled from left to right, and I caught it right as a small airliner sized Dire Bear came crashing out of the tree line, heading directly for the West Tower like it had taken that shit personally.


    "Cadets, this is what we''re here for. Silk, Panther, feel free to stay under cover, or get to the Houses and get yourself indoors."


    Silk just snorted explosively. "You''d have us hide in the house with the women?"


    I walked past him right then as the Cadets charged down the hill. "Hey, I''m not gonna risk that pretty face before they''ve had a chance to ride it. They know where I sleep." Then I backed away as he spluttered, throwing my Blend up as I did.


    Kitten? Might need you visible. West Tower maybe? Dire Bear headed for the Homestead.


    Why?


    Plausible deniability if I gotta use my tentacles on the thing?


    You are attempting to ease your way into a bit more visibility, are you not? To perhaps dissuade the wiser, more educatable Gods from attempting to do violence to you and yours?


    Shit. Okay. Still might like you on the tower just in case?


    In case you do something gloriously Heroic and breathtakingly violent, that I might be appropriately aroused?


    Uh. Yes? Totally that?


    Saffron laughed in my head, and I felt her Co-Locate to the top of the tower. At this distance she was a tiny, tiny speck. Well. Arouse me.


    Gotta give the Cadets a workout first. Also, y''know, maybe Revive them after if they need it.


    Such a dedicated mentor.


    I stepped to the base of the tower and took the opportunity to watch the Cadets move into action. If they''d been six well oiled machines last time I brought them out, this time they moved like six parts of a single device. They''d been practicing.


    While the other five dashed down into the valley, Brown charged up. It took me a second to realize they were throwing Air Shields in front of themselves, then bouncing off of them to get a little more height and a fair chunk of distance as they advanced. Meanwhile Chloros'' voice rang out over the valley. "O''Brien, Aetos, tag team! Ryan, keep its mouth shut! Mackenzie, see if you can get a charge in its ear! Brown, handing off to you!" By that point Brown had hit a point where they had a solid view of the valley, and they slid to a stop in an Air Shield box right before firing off a big old chunky Fire Bolt right at the thing''s crotch.


    Between Chloros yelling and the Fire Bolt, the thing finally noticed the Cadets about halfway across the valley. It ripped up a couple fields the women had laid out and started working on clearing before the snow got deep as it turned disturbingly quickly and charged back toward where Brown hung in the sky, charging up another Fire Bolt in the flashiest way possible. Of course as it paused and roared its opinion of getting the equivalent of a bottle rocket up the ass, the telltale thrum of a Crossbow reached me. A moment later it shook its head and roared again. Fluids spewed out of one clenched closed eye. Chloros definitely had a way with that Crossbow, although to be fair this time her target was the size of a small car.


    While it shook its head, what looked like splinters appeared across its face, mostly around its open, roaring mouth. Its roars cut off into a sort of ongoing spluttering cough as Ryan did her one woman rain of arrows thing. It took a couple lumbering leaps toward Brown, then tripped. I realized why when Aetos came into view, tumbling away from where its paw had gone out from under it. Not surprising, as his big spear had gone missing, presumably in the bear''s paw. Don''t care how big and tough you are, somebody shoves a pencil through your tarsals you''re gonna be ginger about stepping on that foot any time soon.


    "O''Brien, Aetos is disarmed, cover for him!" Brown''s shout came right before their next Fire Bolt slammed right into the Bear''s face. "Ryan! Shift targeting to vitals!"


    I laughed a little as the rain of arrows stopped flying at the Dire Bear''s face and started flying at its crotch. I guess with something this big, most vital organs were buried too deep for basic arrows, but certain very sensitive spots tended to be kinda close to the surface for obvious copulation reasons. At that point O''Brien engaged it, which was a fancy way of saying he slammed that big fuckin'' greatsword into its good front ankle. That got about the result you might expect, the Bear raising its paw into the air with the intent of driving it deep into the dirt and turning O''Brien into a bracelet in the process.


    I tensed up a little, but he dove to the side at the last second, rolling to his feet and bringing his greatsword up, around, and landing a slicing slash to the thing''s foreleg as he did.


    With him being so acrobatic and flashy, I almost missed what else had happened. When the thing pulled its paw back Mackenzie, who''d buried both of her daggers into the back of its foreleg, rode it up, then leapt off and slammed both daggers into one of the bone plates on its side. As the bear tried to turn O''Brien into a greasy stain, she climbed it hand over hand. In seconds she''d reached a point she could run straight up its back. Infuriated by Aetos and O''Brien, it didn''t even notice her navigating her way to the back of its head. She pulled something out of her pack, did something with it, then leapt up and dunked the whatever it was into the Dire Bear''s left ear.Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.


    It felt her grabbing its ear, and gave up on stomping O''Brien to try and scrape her off its head. She ran back down its back, sprinting as it stood up. She still had to be at least forty, maybe fifty feet in the air when its back got to vertical for her to keep her footing. Instead of trying to cling to it, she leapt. Like, didn''t even try to curl up or anything. But like I mentioned, teamwork. She slowed into a sliding skate just before she hit the ground, when Brown''s hastily thrown Air Shield turned her earthward momentum into a burst of horizontal speed.


    Good thing, too, because the Dire Bear spotted her, twisted, and brought its forepaws down right where she''d landed, hard. Hard enough that one of its feet hammered through the covering of snow, deep into the soil. The other one came down on the Air Shield, and while I heard the Air Shield give way, it lasted long enough to act like a grease patch; the Dire Bear''s foot went right out from under it, and its face slammed into the snow chin first.


    "Timing on the charge?" called Brown.


    Right on the edge of hearing, sprinting for all she was worth away from the fanged business end of the Dire Bear, she shouted out, "any time now!"


    Two things happened nigh simultaneously. Another Crossbow bolt slammed into the thing''s other eye, which spurted gore onto the ground in front of it. At the same time, a ''thump'' made tiny by distance and intervening bear skull echoed through the valley, accompanied by smoke blowing out the thing''s left ear. A moment later a few more wisps of smoke drifted out of its right ear and both nostrils. Mackenzie slowed to a jog, looking over her shoulder. Aetos and O''Brien backed off, although Aetos was definitely looking at the foot he''d lost his spear to, like he wanted to go get it back. For an endless moment, the valley held its breath.


    Then the fuckin'' Dire Bear lost its goddamned mind. Blind, probably deaf in at least one ear, it started thrashing, smashing, roaring as it pushed itself to its feet.


    I Shaped an amplification and said, "Okay, Cadets. Back away. Good teamwork, good effort, but this fucker is just a little beyond what you can take without undue risk."


    "You heard her; back away, remain ready to back the Champion up as needed."


    I snorted. I''ve never really been able to tell exactly where some things are in M-Space, at least in relation to the Mortal Realm. Like, if you asked me where the Maw is, I could point to it from anywhere in M-Space, but I''m just not sure when I''m in the Mortal Realm. But I realized right then, as I reached out with my tentacles, pushing them into the Mortal Realm, that I wasn''t the only one who considered the Homestead ''home''. I''d just reached through with the biggest local tentacles. I hadn''t exactly expected the big cat five tornado motherfuckers. Careful not to accidentally squish my Cadets, I whipped one around the bear''s midsection, the tip of another around its neck, and a third around its legs right above the knee.


    I squeezed it around the middle, at which point I realized that my amplification spell was still up. "Fuck!" The bone plates armoring the big airliner sized Dire Bear proved razor sharp, lacerating the skin of my tentacle as I bore down. This did not make me happy. Or do anything for me remaining more composed than the thrashing, roaring, furious bear itself.


    "Fuck, it''s righty tighty, lefty loosey, right?" I know, I know, Dire Bears don''t have standard threads. They''re probably machined one off or something. But that didn''t stop me from holding its torso still while my other two tentacles twisted its head and hips away from me with every ounce of power in them. Two horrific snapping crunches later, the thing convulsed, then proceeded to fertilize the fields it had been wrecking as it went still.


    Mittens? Could you get the women bundled up and out here to start rendering this thing?


    Drain?


    "Ah, fuck."


    Nobody said I couldn''t get at least a little comfy. I stepped to the top of the West Tower, leaned against the railing, and thought about railing railing as Saffron wrapped her arms around me and pressed her cheek against my back. "Love?"


    "Yeah, Kitten?" I grabbed its rear feet in one tentacle, hefted it up until its head dangled above the snow, then used the other two to rip its fuckin'' head off. Messy as fuck, but I didn''t see how draining this thing would be anything else. More fertilizer for the fields, right?


    My Kitten purred for me as she said, "when you do that to Zeus, I''m not sure I want to see?"


    "Whut? You feeling all right, Kitten?"


    She sighed. "I''m not sure I could survive that level of arousal."


    I snorted, snickered, and laughed out loud as I stood there draining out the big fuckin'' kaiju bear while Saffron''s hands roamed.


    Cadet Aetos wound up a little pissy. Turns out his spear wound up deep in the bear''s tarsals, but said ankle bones proved too much for the spear, which wound up looking kinda modern-art-esque. Eh. The women seemed almost as impressed with that as they did with Silk''s... essential Silkiness. For his part, Silk seemed mollified by the fact that while he had run toward the Dire Bear, my assumption about the Cadets had been right. The hunters were better at a whole list of things than our Cadets, but ''sprinting directly into battle'' wasn''t one of those things. I''m honestly not sure what he would have done if he got there. Maybe some of Mackenzie''s climbing and acrobatics or something, but I''m pretty sure he didn''t have a fuckin'' concussion grenade in his back pocket.


    Yeah, apparently the Alchemists who''d been supplying the Black Dragon had, in fact, thought of a few other applications for explosives. Handy, especially for big Mana Resistant bastards. Not anybody''s fault that the big fucker was just too fuckin'' big. Definitely needed to figure out where these things were fuckin'' coming from and shut it down, hard.


    While Siobhan saw to the Cadets, who''d all gotten away with the kind of minor dings you''d expect from doing parkour on a battlefield, Saffron and Marie swept me away to the Bedroom and kinda knocked me the fuck out. Okay, almost. Siobhan pouted, so when she finished they let her hop in and handle the coup de grace. I definitely needed it.


    Dreamt of my lovely ladies orchestrating a whole seven course banquet, including the return of chibi chef beans and all I could nom shrimp. Good stuff. Still not stuffed, and sadly not super rested, because the fuckin'' Dire Bear''s plating really did a number on all three tentacles. Nothing deep, nothing that made me think I''d been mortally or even gravely injured. Just felt like I''d tried to exfoliate with a cheese grater.


    Woke a little cranky. Met Headmaster Miles before he got into the Dining Hall, and we took a quick detour to his office.


    "Good news, we''ve made friendly contact with a middling big town to the west of Lancaster."


    "The bad news?" He just raised an eyebrow at my, ''why does there have to be bad news'' look.


    I sighed. "We didn''t really get much actual recon done, and another Dire Bear got all the way to our Homestead."


    He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I hate to ask, Champion, but..."


    "Yeah. Gimme the same six, I''ll go back out next week."


    He let out that deep breath, obviously relieved. "Thank you, Champion."


    "De nada."


    Bear steak for breakfast was a kind of cool reward, and as always Marie with fresh exotic ingredients wound up making an absolute culinary masterpiece. Made me wonder what she''d do with Rabbit. In the Bedroom, not the Kitchen. I hadn''t given into Her Dark Fatassness that much yet. Got out into the yard with half the steak still on my plate, because that shit was definitely rich, and I wanted to savor it.


    Think I was still feeling some kinda way about those lacerated tentacles. Got the Cadets warmed up, then had them set up the obstacle course. Almost lost my temper like two hours after lunch, when Hildegarde and Citron nearly killed each other and half a dozen other Cadets when they knocked each other off the top of the climbing net. As the rest of the Cadets slid off my hasty Air Shield, which also wound up knocking down the climbing net itself, I grabbed each of them by one calf and lifted them off the ground. Had to shake Hildegarde and bark at her when she took a swipe at me, I think before she realized it was me.


    I looked down at them, opened my mouth to dress them down with some quality hardcore terrifying threats and shit, and then... just got hit with a sudden wave of tired. Not physical, not mostly. Just kinda emotionally drained, too drained to really get into the right headspace to make these two piss themselves. Instead I just tossed them both back to the middle of the Air Shield and growled at them as they took surreptitious swipes at one another. "Look, I can deal with the two of you pushing each other as rivals. But the moment you put your fellow Cadets in unneeded danger is where I draw the line. I don''t give a shit whether you find somebody to mediate, find a somebody to Smite you until you can speak with each other civilly, or just find a room and hatefuck each other into submission. But starting today? Keep. That. Shit. Under. Control."


    Motherfucker. I am too young to be too old for this shit.

 Day Five Hundred And Eighty-One

    Dear Diary,


    I know what I said yesterday about just being too damned tired to give a fuck. I also stand by the fact that I''m too damned young to be too damned old for this bullshit. But I think along with knowing all that, and flipping both of those adult flags in one day, I''ve also realized that they''re mistakes.


    Don''t get me wrong, they''re understandable and, maybe once in a while when shit doesn''t matter, acceptable mistakes. They''re certainly not the kind of ''mistake'' that most of the Gods here and now make, like ''accidentally'' raping somebody, or ''oops, I did a genocide''. They''re the kind of mistake you make when you''ve been awake too long and you go to get yourself a glass of soda, and you pour the last of the soda from the bottle into the glass, and throw the glass in the trash and sit there staring at the bottle in your hand.


    Don''t look at me like that''s never happened. I did that shit at least four times back in the day, and at least once I wasn''t high or anything.


    So yeah, sometimes mistakes are just that, and when you''re fatigued as fuck sometimes those things happen more often. Weird part, I''m wasn''t feeling tired physically. Like, I wasn''t about to fall over, or pass out, or anything else like that, I was just... tired. Oh, fuck. I just realized. Depression. That''s what depression is, when you don''t have anything that ought to making you feel that fuckin'' fatigue, but mentally you feel like you''ve been awake for a month and nothing matters. Shit, I know being sick can make that worse, and sure as shit actually being tired in any way can do it as well.


    Because that''s what it is. Fatigue. I hated it whenever somebody would say ''oh, we all get a little sad sometimes''. Motherfucker, depression isn''t sadness, and if somebody thinks it is, I wonder if they''ve ever really been depressed. Like, shit, I''ve been sad. I''ve been hurt. I''ve grieved. None of that shit is depression. Depression is that motherfucker that makes you unable to grieve, to feel pain, to feel sad. If you''re feeling sad, you''re not depressed.


    Fuck, now I know why I fucked up, and it doesn''t change a fuckin'' thing, I still have to fix it. If I can. Sure fuckin'' tempted to wait for duBois to get back and let him deal with it. Not gonna, but I''m tempted.


    Got home last night after watching a curiously subdued class running the obstacle course all afternoon. Didn''t really need to do a cool down run, but did some stretching to make sure nobody tightened up in any kind of bad way. Told a couple Cadets to hit the Infirmary after dinner, because I didn''t like the way they were holding themselves. Then flopped back into my chair in the dining room at the Homestead. Saffron showed a second later, took one look at me, and walked over to slide onto my lap, arms going around my neck.


    "What''s wrong, love?"


    I shrugged. "Nothing, as far as I can tell. I mean, I fucked up a little today in class, but nothing super critical. I''m just..." I shrugged again.


    "Depressed?" I nodded. "Well then." She leaned in, body against mine, warm and soft and wonderful as she breathed a little singsong into my ear. "Time for your two concubines."


    Fuck, it really did kinda work. Like, not perfect or anything, but shit, dopamine is dopamine. I smiled kinda sadly at her, because some part of me still felt like I didn''t deserve rewards after my shitty performance in class today. Of course, right then Marie set a plate in front of me. "After."


    The plate had a gargantuan steak in the middle. At least an inch thick, and the size of my hand with fingers stretched out. Roast vegetables surrounded it. Onions, carrots, what looked like a couple cloves of garlic, and... "Holy shit, are those potatoes?" Like, little potatoes, the ones only maybe two inches around at biggest, but... potaotes?


    My Kitten grinned at me. "Marie thought you''d like them. By this time next year we should have plenty for everyone." I looked around, kinda guilty, and she just laughed. "I meant for the Alliance as a whole. Everyone here has at least one or two."


    I looked around again as I started carving at my steak, my mouth already full of the smallest of my potatoes. Uh, are we missing some women?


    Saffron laughed. "Your friend Silk is being entertained in North House by some of the women interested in his, ah, masculine skills."


    As I savored my first bite of steak, I thought, kinda surprised you didn''t invoke prima noctis or some shit like that.


    "I would nev..." I interrupted her with a bite of steak, and we both lost a little time to appreciating Marie''s cooking. He is pretty, though, isn''t he?


    Oh, yeah. Like I said, surprised you don''t want to give that bike a ride.


    She looked deep in my eyes, swallowed as suggestively as possible, then said, "I''m not ruling it out as a possibility. But then, I''d been thinking of inviting Lachlan and Carruthers over for the occasion."


    I snerked, snorted, and full on belly laughed. When I got some control over myself, with Kitten savoring her second stolen bite of steak, I said, "Damn, Kitten. Three horse hitch, huh?"


    Her hands slid down south of my Mason Dixon line, and she swallowed, leaned over, and breathed, "four," into my ear. Fuck, straight through my brain into my lady bits. Which, what with her toying with my shapeshifting, were a little less ladylike at the moment.


    "Okay, okay, I think my depression has been beaten into submission by application of excessive horniness."


    She shook her head, picked up another bite of steak, and fed it to me with her fingers. "When have I ever been satisfied with beating my opponent?"


    "Uh, what are you gonna do then?"


    Her Grin made me forget about everything else in the world. "Beat your depression until I''m satisfied."


    Yeah, not supposed to go in swimming for at least half an hour after eating. Between Saffron, Siobhan, and Marie, definitely didn''t get to the Bath in half an hour. Maybe an hour and a half. I''m not really sure, because I wasn''t, strictly speaking, conscious when we all arrived at the bath. Marie showered me down while Saffron and Siobhan coyly took turns cleaning each other off in plausibly deniable ways. I kinda wanted to return the favor for Marie, but she just hoisted me into a princess carry and carted me off to the Bath. Fell asleep as Tallulah arrived to talk with Ria and Saffron.


    Dreamt of my ladies floating around the Maw on inflatable chairs shaped like themselves.If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    Woke up the following morning, the center of a floating island of ladies and women and kids. Woke up early out of habit, but spent a few minutes just enjoying the heat of the water leaching all the aches away from me before I dropped away to get to work. Marie brought me not only the expected spicy eggs, jalapeno scrapple, and sausages, but a perfect waffle, gravy syrup, and a small breakfast steak as well. Pulled her over the table for some Mittens kissing before I tucked in, and definitely stayed Co-Located longer than normal to savor every bit of that amazing flavor.


    When everybody''d gotten lined up, I called out, "good morning, Cadets! Today, since Marshall duBois has yet to return from his extended diplomatic assignment, I''ve decided to begin working on your actual fighting techniques." That got a sort of half hearted cheer from some of them. Citron looked way too smug, so I said, "unfortunately, as I''m not all that great with normal physical blades, and my archery skills are so so at best, that means I''m gonna be teaching you hand to hand today."


    One very insistent hand shot up. "Yes, Cadet Hildegarde?"


    "We spar today?"


    I sighed and shook my head. "No, Cadet. Today you''ll be learning technique." Her face fell, a little bit of mulishness coloring her expression. "Sparring starts next week, if and only if everyone has mastered the basics to my satisfaction."


    Holy fucking shit the look she shot around her to her fellow Cadets should have been illegal. Like, she didn''t say anything, but it was very clear that anybody who didn''t meet my standards by the end of the day would face the Wrath of Hildegarde.


    "At any rate, for days like this, whether we''re working on technique or actually sparring, warmup and stretching is even more important than normal. So let''s start the day with a nice invigorating run!"


    That got the expected perfunctory groans, although even the least hardy in the class had hit the point of being able to finish a warmup without falling out. After that I set them to couples isometrics. I might have been a little cruel, possibly because I wasn''t thrilled about what I was gonna have to do before lunch. I paired Hildegarde and Citron up, then hovered over them, giving them very stern looks whenever their ''assistance'' looked like it was about to push past ''stretching'' into ''dislocating''.


    Once everybody had warmed up, I taught them the one thing that had to have saved me more stupid injuries than anything else duBois ever taught me, except maybe, and I stress maybe, the whole bullet time dodging thing. I taught them how to fall. How to spread the impact, how to redirect it, how to roll back to standing as quickly as possible. How to just straight up roll and tumble and get the fuck out of dodge without getting up if getting upright wasn''t possible.


    "Yes, Citron?"


    "Doesn''t this presuppose someone will knock us down?"


    I smiled at him. "You think nobody will ever knock you down?" He shrugged. "You think you''ll have a sword and nobody will ever be better than you with your sword, not enough better that you''ll wind up on your ass?"


    Credit where it''s due, he thought about that for a second. When he spoke, I''m not sure how much was entirely foreign humility, how much was sorely needed realism, and how much was Hildegarde literally growling at him from just outside arm''s reach. "Heir Lancaster is, I think, better than I with a blade. Even without his Mana Blade..."


    "Slayer."


    "Even without Slayer, I think he would best me. But... I think I''d more likely be dead than knocked off my feet, at least if we were dueling in earnest, to the death."


    I sighed and shook my head. "Yeah, well that''s the thing. If you''re gonna get better, you gotta practice against someone better than you. If you''re practicing, you''re gonna wind up on your ass rather than dead. Hopefully. But if you haven''t learned how to take a fall, how to take a hit, you''re gonna wind up injured for real. Even odds it''ll be something that slows down your progress. On top of that, I cannot count the number of times I went up against someone in the same league of ass kicking as me, but because I knew how to take a hit, take a fall, and roll with the punches, I wound up getting back up rather than taking a dirt nap." I thought about that for a second, then maybe let my brain drift a little. "Yeah, at least once both of us knew that, and I think the only reason I won was because I was more used to getting my shit pushed in than him. So both of us wound up lying there on the ground, doing our best to do unto one another."


    "What happened?" Hildegarde asked.


    I shrugged. "I shattered his head between my thighs like an overripe melon."


    Citron winced, and I realized from the tingles coming from Hildegarde''s direction that I''d just added an additional reason for her entirely unnecessary Hero Worship. "Metal."


    I gave her a look. "Where did you hear that?"


    She shrugged. "Thrall slang. New. Since your battle against Johnson."


    By the time we broke for lunch, we''d covered falling, kip-ups, making a fist, and taking a hit. Before I dismissed them all to lunch, I called out, "one thing before you go. Yesterday I was dismissive regarding Cadets Citron and Hildegarde and how their behavior endangered and negatively impacted the training of their fellow Cadets. I apologize for being a less capable instructor than my own mentors here at the Academy. I''ll do my best to do better going forward." At that point I couldn''t keep up my serious face any longer, grinned, and said, "I mean, I''m gonna fuck it up. Have you met me? But I''m gonna do my best to do better anyhow. Which is all I can ask of any of you, and all I do ask of any of you." I scanned the crowd, seeing most of them looking more than a little shocked that I''d apologize to them, but not upset shocked. "Go get some lunch. Citron, Hildegarde, hang back please."


    The two of them stopped, and I considered it a minor miracle that rather than Citron''s original haughtiness and Hildegarde''s habitual belligerence, both of them looked a little apprehensive. I also noticed Vickerson pause and turn back before she went through the doors; I nodded for her to get gone, and she went. When the doors closed, I looked at the two of them until they slipped to something resembling Parade Rest.


    "Okay, you two. I get that for whatever reason you''ve decided that you''re each other''s nemeses." I paused, play acting at thinking; I''d decided what I was gonna say long before this. "Y''know, in my first year I had a nemesis here." They both perked up a little at that. "Yeah, that was some dumb shit. He and I did more to screw ourselves out of actual learning than I''ve even really realized by this point. Like, yeah, he was a dick, but when he and I were both involved in something, neither of us was learning. We were too busy fucking around trying to fuck up the other one."


    I gave them a meaningful look. Citron sighed, then nodded. Hildegarde, who''d been glaring at him, rolled her eyes and did so as well.


    "Okay. You guys seem to get it. You''re both very promising. Both of you," I said to pre-empt Citron''s interruption. "But do not misunderstand. No single Cadet is worth fucking up an entire class of thirty two." Both of their hands shot up. I sighed. "Hildegarde first this time."


    "You were." Citron''s hand dropped.


    "No. No, I wasn''t. Y''know why?" She shook her head. "Because way back then? In my first Season? I wasn''t ''Tabitha Diaz, Patron Goddess of the Alliance''. I was just ''Tabitha Diaz, eternal fuckup who barely made the Academy''. I grinned at Citron and said, "I had a lot more in common with her than with you at that point." When Hildegarde snickered, I turned to her and said, "d''you know who my ''nemesis'' was?"


    "No, Ma''am!" Of course then she spoiled it by muttering, "nor where he''s buried."


    I rolled my eyes. "He''s not dead. In fact, because we both eventually realized that we made better rivals than nemesis, we''ve both wound up in a lot better places than we were back then. So where as nemeses we kept each other from really excelling, when that relationship evolved into a rivalry, he pushed me to become Commander Tabitha Diaz, who wound up Champion and Patron Demigoddess of the Alliance. I wouldn''t have been able to do any of that gnarly shit at the Walls if I hadn''t spent weeks before it training with him. And he went from being a spoiled, arrogant dipshit with his head so far up his ass it impaired his use of his arms to being Heir Laurence Lancaster, Champion of Tabitha Diaz, who slew Ares'' High Priest Garland in single combat."


    "With Slayer, that..."


    I cut Citron off. "While Garland wore full plate of Cold Iron."


    Citron must have been related to the Lancasters in some way. Or maybe it''s actually a recessive Dan gene that lets them do that anal kumquat look.


    "So. You''re Cadets. Not kids. Not children. I expect you to act like it. No more bullshit that endangers your classmates, yeah. But I''d really like it if you could maybe pull your heads out of your asses long enough to stop getting in each other''s way as well." Funny, Hildegarde managed that kumquat look pretty well her own self. "Figure it out, Cadets. But for now, go get lunch. Dismissed."


    Yeah, I think next time Menace says she wants to be an adult I''m gonna tell her about this.


    Adulting sucks.

 Day Five Hundred And Eighty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    Something I definitely have to be aware of, to watch for, regarding depression. It has nothing to do with sadness, and everything to do with stress. Yeah, a lot of the things that make people sad are also stressful, but it''s not the sadness that prompts the depression kicking in. It''s the stress.


    Wait, maybe that''s why people think depression is about sadness? Because something stressful happens that would make them sad, but they see the person it happened to getting depressed, so they think it must be, like, The Big Sad? Fucking shitballs, but that''s some fucked up shit right there. I mean, I can totally get how it would happen, how that kind of misunderstanding would come into being, but oh, fucking hell that is such a ubiquitous misunderstanding.


    At any rate, I gotta watch out for stress. Not like I''m gonna run across any of that, right? I''m just the Patron Deity and Champion of the Alliance, with seven kids and who the fuck knows how many more on the way at some point shortly after Marie and Saffron and I tie the knot. Shit, I''ve also got, y''know, a wedding to plan. And a birthday party. Okay, multiple birthday parties. Ten of them, at this point. Although I guess I could get my ladies to help with the kids and, y''know, my other ladies. That''s actually most of what happened last year with Menace. I just showed up and did what Saffron told me to do. Of course, the Alliance wasn''t really a huge thing then. I mean, it was, but it was brand new. It didn''t have a whole bureaucracy to monitor. Or to support her. During a plague and a famine and two back to back wars, first against Norfolk and then against the Undead.


    Shit. I''m a terrible wife, making my wife do all the kid party organizing work. Of course I''m doing better this year. I''ve got multiple presents and a solid activity itinerary for the day.


    Of course, I''d planned on being around to do more of the planning this week. Fuck.


    So yesterday afternoon the dynamic duo wound up more or less behaving themselves. Then again, the entire afternoon was spent practicing throws, rolls, and throwing basic punches. Practically shadow boxing. What with me explicitly telling the Cadets to throw their partners up or sideways to make recovery a little easier, even those two couldn''t really injure one another too badly. It even got kind of funny, what with her sending him cartwheeling through the air, and him practically doing a fastball special with her. He got pretty good at turning that involuntary cartwheel into a deliberate one that landed him on his feet. Meanwhile she just rolled and bounced back up to her feet.


    Steaks for dinner again. Think we''re gonna be having those for more than a little bit. O''Brien, Brown, and Mackenzie all three stayed in the East House with us. Ryan and Chloros wound up staying in the South House, which surprised me a little, what with Panther and Silk being Very Popular Guests at the North House. Which is in fact where Aetos wound up staying. Go figure. Still, I guess he''s another, uh, source of entertainment and stress relief for the women who aren''t into women.


    I stepped over at the end of the meal, before they''d decided where our visitors would be staying for the night. Or maybe each of them had their own room and they had lots of visitors. Don''t know, don''t care, so long as everybody''s having fun with it. "Aetos? Be ready to go at first light."


    Silk looked up at me. "Will you be returning to our village so soon?"


    I shook my head. "Gotta figure out where these fuckin'' Dire Bears are comin'' from."


    He picked up the last bit of steak off his plate. "That much meat wasn''t enough for you?"


    I snorted. "Yeah, each one has been bigger than the last. Okay, not quite, but they''re definitely trending ''larger''. I don''t want to discover the next one when it''s eaten an entire farmstead." When he got a speculative look, I rolled my eyes. "Or when I found out it went southwest instead of southeast."


    Panther looked up. "Would you like us to come along?"


    I thought about it for a second. "Either of you up for fighting something like that big bastard from Friday?"


    Panther snorted. "No. But we do know the land. It''s been a while since we went this far north or east, but I remember doing so once when I was barely old enough to go along on a hunt."


    I nodded. "You guys also know what''s normal and what''s not in this neck of the woods, too. So. You two willing to come along? Not gonna force you."Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.


    They shared a long moment of silent communication, the kind of thing old friends can do with nothing but subtle gestures and facial expressions. I definitely got the impression that Silk would rather have stayed at our Homestead as our local Lachlan in training, but eventually Panther turned to me and said, "yeah, you''ve been really hospitable; we''ll do what we can. Besides, like you said, the next one might wind up going toward Grandmother''s place."


    "Okay then. Be ready to go at first light."


    "But..." I looked at Silk, not even glaring, just looking. "Okay, fine."


    I stepped over to South House, only to find nobody in the dining room there. Of course, both houses were way closer to replicas of East House than traditional ''bunkhouses'', and that included a Bath on the third floor. I stepped up there, and was suddenly forcibly made aware of the fact that all of the women with children were currently staying in North House. Because shapeshifting shenanigans aside, it is somewhat more difficult to get in a family way when your partner has the same plumbing as you. Also, a disproportionate number of our women worshipped Dionysus. God of Revels. I''m not sure if this counted as Revel, or Orgy, or what, but apparently Ryan and Chloros had flipped some kind of switch. Then again, they''re Senior Cadets. High Personality? Check. Incredibly fit? Check. Fucks to give about somebody else''s ''morals''? Zero.


    "Champion! Come to join us?" Ryan was definitely the most go-getter of the group; Chloros had barely acknowledged my arrival.


    I laughed and shook my head. "Nope. I''m gonna try to get some sleep tonight, because we leave at first light tomorrow."


    Both of them did a little bit of jaw drop disappointment. "But... Yes, Ma''am."


    I smiled again. "So, y''know, make sure they sleep well, ladies."


    That set off a round of laughter, and I stepped back to the Bath. While I showered with Saffron, I asked, "is it just me, or are things getting a little raunchy around here this weekend?"


    She smiled. "Oh, I suspect some of it is you, love. Your very presence, oh she who owns the Temple of Love." Before I could protest, she said, "but not only you. There are a few stable relationships among our women, true, and several more relationships of convenience, but most of them are like the women in any small enough town. New faces mean potential new partners."


    I took my time thinking about that while paying most of my attention to cleaning up my Kitten''s magnificent mounds of squish, front and rear. "They know none of them are staying, right?"


    She shrugged. "they likely won''t, but stranger things have happened. Besides, many Cadets, once they have Senior standing, start looking for places to call ''home''. Most stay in Phileo, but some prefer a more rural setting."


    "What, you think one of these guys might put down roots?"


    She shrugged, totally making me lose track of everything in the world except her anatomy, which put a little giggle in her voice. "Oh, probably not, but the possibility exists. Perhaps one or more of them will decide that this is the place they call ''home''. Perhaps one of our women will decide instead to move to wherever whichever Cadet they''ve taken a liking to eventually settles. Perhaps none of that will happen, and you''ll simply be that much more alert tomorrow."


    That was odd enough I stood and looked her in the eye as she returned the scrubbing favors. She pulled my head down to lather up my hair, and when her lips came near my ear she whispered, "wholeheartedly screaming ''oh, Goddess'' can, in fact, be an act of Worship."


    I chuckled, and kept my voice low enough the shower meant no one would hear but her. "I mean, yeah, you guys, but..." Her smile got wider. "Wait, really?" She giggled. "Huh. Good to know. Wait, so it''s in my own best interest to, y''know, encourage licentious behavior?"


    "Tsk. Licentious. Lewd at worst."


    "I thought lewd didn''t include, y''know, actual fucking."


    She rocked her head back and forth as she drew me under the shower to rinse. "Perhaps not, but those who call out to you in the throes of passion are unlikely to be ''unprincipled''."


    "Huh. Is that what that means?"


    She just hummed, then reached up to silence me with her mouth. I picked her up and carried her to the Bath, where we continued our completely appropriate for kid viewing necking. In fact, apparently boring by kid standards, since they all managed to declare it either ''boring'' or ''silly'' at least once.


    Really hope that none of them are smart enough to keep saying that when they don''t actually think it''s boring or silly.


    Dreamt of my ladies pantomiming little erotic vignettes, then laughing their assess off after some of the most over the top fake orgasms I''d ever seen. Okay, I''m pretty sure Siobhan and Marie faked theirs. Not absolutely certain. Karen and Tallulah definitely did. It was like a slapstick comedy routine, really. Almost had me laughing hard enough to ignore the fact that I do, in fact, have an odd number of High Priestesses, and the odd Priestess out was partnered with a tentacle for her vignette. Y''know, I could actually get to like that kind of Worship. Gotta be careful, though, because I''m pretty sure Aphrodite thought that at one point too.


    In the morning, I woke up early stepped out to the courtyard well before dawn. Well before I had to go looking for them, the Cadets and the hunters joined me. "Okay, ladies and gentlemen. I need to be back here by sunset Thursday. That gives us four days to scout. We''re gonna go straight up that big bastard''s back trail, as far as we can track it, for two solid days, or until we find something. Everybody got that?" They all confirmed, and I said, "okay then, let''s get moving."


    Ran all day. Well, ran and jogged, since some of the time the hunters had to slow down to keep track of the big Dire Bear''s path. Even something that big doesn''t leave footprints in solid stone, and there are a few places at the ridge lines where there''s bare rock.


    No sign of Dire Bear Central today. Maybe tomorrow.

 Day Five Hundred And Eighty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    I know I''ve talked a couple times about maybe missing my calling back in the day. Camden in general and Eastside in particular did not have much in the way of real outdoor disorganized sports. I mean yeah, there were things like basketball and football, but I said disorganized and I meant disorganized. In case it''s not become abundantly clear, I''m not much of a team player. It''s not even that I dislike teams, either, but I''m not exactly what you''d call organized enough to follow through on any kind of plan that somebody else gives me. I can barely follow through on plans I''ve made up, and half of the time I''m only doing that because I''m making it up as I go along.


    I think that''s what turned me off of going into the military back there. Appearances notwithstanding, I''m not an idiot. Most of the training in the military, especially in the parts where they expect you to be out on the sharp end, is designed to follow orders, to conform to expectations, to act without thinking. I even get why; they''re making weapons, and they want to make sure they can control the weapons they make. That did not appeal to me in the slightest. Even that tiny voice inside thinking ''but they''ll teach me how to get my shit together'' realized that my shit would not, in fact, be together my way. That whole deal is designed to break a trainee down and rebuild them into a soldier. Which, to be honest, might have been good for me. Even if I might not have come out of it entirely ''me'' as I thought of myself.


    Of course, when I thought about it I always thought about something moderately safe. Something administrative, or maybe something in the Navy or Air Force. Airfield Management, maybe. Or maybe go even safer and get into the Coast Guard. A couple of the old heads at Eastside were all about getting us into the Coast Guard, mostly because it Guards the Coast. Right there in the name. Which, since nobody in the past century has been dumb enough to mount an actual land invasion of the United States, meant not getting involved in actual warfare. Maybe running down smugglers, which sounds a little dangerous, but then I think about exactly what a speedboat would do to the Black Dragon. Shit, if they loaded one of those skinny little smuggler speedboats with explosives and rammed her, I think she might need to go into drydock for a new paint job or some shit.


    Yeah, I know, it''s not quite that safe, but it''s still gotta be better than trudging through a village in go-fuck-yourself-istan tryna make things ''safe'' for folks who don''t even want you there.


    That''s kinda the weird thing, though. All that thought to going into the least dangerous part of the military, tryna avoid any kind of actual combat, and then I get here and now, wind up throwing myself into combat time and again, and it turns out I''ve got a talent for that shit. Not even really a physical talent, either. I mean, yeah, by now I''ve pumped enough Mana into my here-and-now body while working out that even before I light off my Strong Arm and Swift Foot I''m pretty sure I could outfight most boxers back in the day. I don''t know exactly how much I bench press, or curl, but it''s a lot. But I''m not talking about that, I''m talking about the whole mental thing. My responses, as duBois sussed out not long after meeting me, are all about bringing the hurt. Doing it fast and hard and without anything resembling mercy or restraint. Wrecking shit.


    So, y''know, if I''d have signed up to be a Marine or some shit like that, I might have wound up finding my place. Prolly not, though, because back in the day the US Military had this thing against women in combat. Like we''d ever avoided being in combat. But they weren''t about to put us in the Infantry, which, to be clear, is probably where I''d have found my best life. Running around in the woods, learning new and interesting ways to bring the hurt, wrecking shit as a profession, vocation, and avocation. Not unlike I''d been doing for the past bit.


    All day yesterday we tracked that big bastard of a Dire Bear back to where it''d come from. Okay, the hunters and Chloros tracked it. Turns out her whole forensics thing left her with imperfect instincts regarding shit like vegetation and natural terrain, but her eye for detail might have been better than Panther''s. Definitely better than Silk''s, because at least twice in my hearing she pointed out details he''d missed.


    I honestly felt kinda sorry him by the end of the day. We''d pushed hard, and all of us were a little sweaty and worse for wear, but he''d started out so pretty that it showed more on him. Of course, even in that he wound up looking like he''d stepped out of a movie or some shit. Might not have had to have my Kitten push too hard at all to get him alone in the shower and help him get clean, then an entirely different flavor of dirty. Of course, when I suggested with eight of them they ought to do four watches to let everybody get a little more sleep, he said something about partnering up with Chloros to ''show her he could appreciate details''. I''ve never seen a man look so hurt and betrayed by life as when she looked him right in the eye and said, "thanks for the offer, but I''ve got a partner."If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.


    Then Ryan pulled an issue pup tent out of her tinker pack, and before he got over being turned down flat like that, the two of them had set it up and crawled in. With Ryan definitely smirking at him before she closed the tent flaps.


    Panther didn''t help, what with the whole laughing his ass off thing. Worst of all was when Mackenzie rolled her eyes and said, "fine. I''ll stand watch with you, Silk," and Panther absolutely fell over laughing even harder.


    Something about ''second choices'' or shit like that. Silk, of course, earned a little respect from me by not only accepting Ryan and Chloros'' rejection without throwing a tantrum, but by not acting like Mackenzie was, in fact, his second or third choice. They actually took first watch, in fact, and if they both rolled their eyes at the noises coming from Ryan''s tent, they kept a decent watch. Mackenzie even kept a solid Alarm Ward up for the full time as well.


    For Ryan and Chloros'' part, they even let Silk and Mackenzie borrow the tent when they took second watch.


    I, of course, did not get to sleep. Didn''t want to lose even a second if another fuckin'' Dire Bear wound up coming at us in the middle of the night.


    We started moving before dawn. Not long before midday, we found something I took as Not Good News. A big divot in a hillside, like something the size of an airliner had curled up there for the night. Which meant the fuckin'' Dire Bear had been moving faster than us. When I mentioned that to the others, Panther shook his head. "Not the worst part."


    "What is then?"


    He sighed, straightened, then scampered up to the top of the hill. I stepped up there and joined him, and he looked around and climbed up the nearest tall tree. I hopped up next to him, then looked the way he was pointing. "See there? And there? And there?"


    He''d pointed at some of the more obvious signs of the Dire Bear''s passage we''d spotted along the past couple ridge lines. It took me a second. "Son of a bitch."


    "Straight line."


    I nodded. "Yeah. I get it. I don''t know how, but that thing was heading right for our fuckin'' house."


    Kitten?


    Yes, love?


    Get a bell for the fuckin'' West Tower, and keep somebody on watch.


    I heard the tension in her mental voice when she asked, Are you expecting an attack?


    it looks like that most recent fuckin'' Dire Bear came straight at our place from a solid day out, it''s pace. Don''t want to find out it''s got some smaller cousins we missed when they''re coming over the fence.


    Understood. Marie?


    My Murder Mittens replied immediately. Heard.


    Mostly because my adrenaline kept spiking despite the most recent Dire Bear being dismembered and spread across several pantries, not to mention the bones currently being preserved to be added to our fence, I thought, Keep one of you in the tower until we can get a bell up there? Her only response was a solid burst of pure ''duh'' energy. Oddly, that made me feel a lot better. Thanks, Mittens.


    Welcome, Vlickies.


    After that, we kept moving. Right into the face of another fuckin'' snowstorm. As it started to come down for real, Panther waved me in. "You want to keep moving in this?"


    I nodded. "Yeah. If someone or something is sending fuckin'' kaiju ursine at my fuckin'' house, I want to find out who it is and explain that shit will not fly." I paused, took a deep breath. "Can you still track it in this shit?"


    He shrugged. "Probably. It''s not small. It wasn''t subtle."


    I looked around, and most of the Cadets nodded. Silk looked sour, and Chloros looked a little doubtful, but the others all seemed ready to keep going. "Okay then. If it gets bad enough two of the three of you," I nodded to Silk, Panther, and Chloros, "think you''re losing the trail, we''ll stop and weather the storm." When they all nodded in response, I waved northwest. "Let''s keep moving then."


    We wound up having to stop about an hour before sunset. I only knew that because I knew the position of the sun despite the intervening cloud cover and ongoing blizzard. Would have been all kinds of pissed, except for some amusement from the absolute least expected place in the world. I shouldn''t have been quite so amused by Silk looking so crestfallen when Mackenzie decided to bunk down with Panther for the night. It wasn''t very mature, adult, or leaderly of me.


    Funnier watching Brown wink over their shoulder at the rest of us as they led him off to find a spot to take first watch.

 Day Five Hundred And Eighty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    I realized just today how weird it is to actually make progress. To see the improvements I''ve made in myself, not just subjectively comparing myself to some other rando, who might be in another stage of their personal journey from me, but by comparing myself to myself in the past. I mean, I''m seeing progress when I compare myself to the Senior Cadets, but that''s kind of a no brainer. ''I''m a Goddess who puts everything she''s got into pushing my limits and pushin'' that Kitten cushion at every opportunity, I''ve got an absolute unfair advantage. But I''m still outpacing them, which I don''t think I could have done last year.


    But that gets to the real measure of progress, comparing me to me. Like, last year this time I was tryna deal with the shit going on at Lancaster House. Getting rid of the plague, getting rid of the former Heroes Lancaster and all their bullshit, getting rid of Ares'' corruption of the good people of Calverton. Like, on the one hand I get that there aren''t ''good people'' and ''bad people'', there''s just people who choose to do good things or bad things. But the people of Calverton pretty much packed up everything they had and said, ''okay, time for one last hurrah'' and moved toward the folks they''d been told killed them. That might not be pure as the driven snow, but it sure as shit isn''t the kind of evil Garland pulled, where he infected the group of people who might have been able to organize some kind of meaningful action against the plague, then blamed the target of the fuckin'' plague for causing it.


    Of course, ''driven snow'' both has a new meaning and has given me an absolute appreciation for how much I''ve improved. Last year this time, it pushed me to go down unplowed roads the day after a snowstorm. I could do it, but I sure as shit wasn''t enjoying it. This year, like just yesterday, I ran directly into a fuckin'' snowstorm. I am not the reason we stopped yesterday. I mean, okay, I made the call, and even with airliner sized Dire Bears navigating directly toward my house I stand behind that call. My Cadets weren''t really looking too hot tryna forge forward against horizontal snowfall, and the hunters sure as shit weren''t making any kind of progress when it came to tracking. Shit, they were barely making progress in terms of ''moving forward''.


    Once I''d made the call to stop, I gathered them all around O''Brien. Seriously, the dude''s a stocky motherfucker, and if he''s not quite as cut as I am, that leaves a whole lot of room for him to be carrying some serious muscle. While I think I could overpower him, he just straight up had more mass than me, which is important for things like ''standing still in a gusting blizzard''. Once I had everybody gathered in one place, I threw up a Filtration Ward set to keep the precipitation out. We still had some wind coming through at first, but we could see each other now. Briefly. Because within a very short time, the storm covered my fuckin'' Ward with a solid enough layer of snow to block light, wind, everything.


    "Okay, everybody. Scrounge what burnables you can within the Ward. Do not, I repeat, do not leave the ward."


    "Yes, Ma''am."


    While the Cadets and Silk got to scrounging, Panther wandered over to where I stood, eyes on the snow buildup. "Almost looks like you''re building... what''s that word Grandmother used?"The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    "Igloo?"


    He thought about it, then nodded. "Sounds right."


    I chuckled a little at that. "Grandmother travelled a bit, then?"


    He smiled, the way you do when talking about an older relative who you''d realized hadn''t always been old. "Yeah. So she tells us. Way, way north. Past the Lakes."


    The way he''d slotted that capital in there made me realize we couldn''t be all that far from Erie or Ontario. "You know this area, right?"


    He shrugged. "I hunted this far north twice before, with my father. Bad years."


    "Sorry to hear that."


    "Don''t be. Was good to spend time with him before he passed."


    I thought about how long it had taken me to get over my mom dying. I mean, I still hadn''t, not really, but I wasn''t basing my whole fuckin'' life on ''waiting for her to come back'' any more. Although that would be a little hard, what with me being here and now rather than then and there. "Sorry to hear he passed."


    He shrugged. "He died doing what he loved." When I shot him the obvious question via head tilt, he laughed and said, "visiting nearby villages to woo women. Got caught on the way home by a snowstorm. He never met my littlest sister."


    "Aw, man. That sucks for her."


    "I try to be there when I can."


    I looked around. "This isn''t, like, triggering you or anything, is it?"


    He laughed a little. "That thing you do? Where you jump from place to place?"


    "Translocation."


    "That. Your... Marie does that too. As does your wife?" I nodded. "She''s brought us as much food as I could carry. And they brought your children to our village."


    "Yeah, and?"


    He smiled serenely at me. "I can''t think you''d let us freeze out here if you had the option of carrying us back to your home."


    I nodded at him and smiled. "Yeah. Yeah, you''re not wrong. Really don''t want to hop back if we don''t have to, though."


    "Training?"


    I shook my head, then shrugged. "I mean, you''re not wrong, but mostly I''m not sure I could get back here. When he gave me a weird look, I said, "I''ve got to envision the place pretty clearly. Technically I can get back to any place I''ve seen, but," I waved around at the featureless dome of snow around us.


    He chuckled. "Yeah, I can see where that might be a problem. After a bit of the two of us checking under the snow nearby, then clearing a space to build a fire, he looked at me and asked, "how is it your wife and your woman Marie could come to you then?"


    I''d never really thought about that before. When I realized why, it definitely lit off some warm, fuzzy feelings. "Yeah, um... you ever hear the phrase that home is where family is?"


    He nodded as he worked to dig a little fire pit. "So it''s more than just sex, then?"


    I smiled. "Yeah. Yeah, it''s a lot more than just that."


    When the Cadets and Silk got back from scrounging firewood, we set up the fire, and I popped a single chunky Mana Blade through the roof of our not so little dome of snow to act as a chimney. Then put my Filtration Ward back up and lit up our fire. All eight of them took turns standing watch, although it was mostly to make sure somebody could raise the alarm if the dome collapsed or something else weather related was about to kill us. I stayed up again. I figured worst case I''d dig them all out and, as Panther said, carry them all home.


    By late morning the snow trickled off to just stuff swirling around with the wind, and we broke out of our dome and started south. I needed to be home by end of day Thursday, because while I didn''t want surprise Dire Bears messing things up, I wasn''t gonna miss my kid''s birthday party just on the off chance that we might find where the fucker had come from.


    Of course, I got a rush of brains to the head on the way back, when our zig-zagging path took us across the bear''s bivouac. I Translocated a solid bear-length into the sky from the top of the tallest nearby hill. Before I started dropping, I saw what I''d half expected to see, right on thee edge of vision. The West Tower, sticking up over the horizon like a giant middle finger to Dire Bears everywhere.

 Day Five Hundred And Eighty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    The whole deal with the Dire Bears has me wondering about whether or not I''m ''going native''. Any weird colonizer bullshit about the statement aside, it pretty accurately describes somebody in a new environment adapting to the environment so much that they''re doing shit that people from their old environment wouldn''t have done. Maybe even stuff they''d be horrified by. Possibly even stuff that they''d have been horrified by themselves before they acclimated to their new culture.


    I''m definitely in a position where I gotta worry about that shit. I''m the one who called the pre-me environment ''Shit Pyramid'', and plenty of folks here and now seem to agree with me that yeah, that pretty much describes the local power structure. My goal, as I''ve said before, is to stomp that pyramid flat, not leap to the top and plant my ass there spewing out an entirely new layer of a new flavor of shit. But at the same time, I don''t want to be the White Savior, as ironic as a brown girl from the hood claiming that title would be. Like, I get it, that the whole trope started from six F guys rolling in and playing hero in situations they might not even fuckin'' understand, which then became a whole storytelling trope of the Chosen One of the local prophecies being a white dude from the far side of the world.


    Thing is, I can even see a little of the justification for that whole fuckin'' trope, as abusive, horrifying, and appropriative as it''s become. Groupthink is a thing. Even the best and most beloved Traditions can wind up entrenching problems so deep nobody sees anything but the symptoms. Sometimes what''s needed is an outsider''s perspective to say ''yeah, no, it doesn''t have to be like this''. That''s even kind of what I did for Saffron; told her and showed her that the world doesn''t have to be Shit Pyramid. I mean, I think there may be an entirely different pyramid going on back where I''m from, but the one here and now clearly isn''t required for the world to keep functioning.


    I think that might be why I defer to Saffron so much. Yeah, I clued her in to the fact that it doesn''t have to be like what she grew up with. Yeah, I''m absolutely the heavy, the muscle that steps in, kicks over the Oppression Machine?, jumps up and down on the pyramid until it''s way flatter, then says ''do what she says''. But at the end of the day, I''m doing just about everything I can to not be the one in charge. I just hope that my reason for doing that is more ''I''m not from around here, and I don''t want to fuck shit up when I don''t understand it'', and less ''I''m a chronically irresponsible woman-child who gets hives at the idea of people looking at me as an authority figure''. Because that latter one does not jive well with me being a legitimate, y''know, Goddess. Which I am, whether I want to be or not.


    Thing is, like I said, I don''t want to acclimate to the point where I settle in on top of Shit Pyramid and begin my career in fertilizer production. So while this is definitely more my home than I ever had back in the day, and I mean that both in the ''here and now'' sense and the ''our Homestead'' sense, I have to keep a constant eye on myself, because I know that Saffron would absolutely let me cop a squat atop Shit Pyramid if I wanted to. So I gotta actually think about shit I would have thought of before I came here.


    In case it''s not entirely fucking obvious, there aren''t many opportunities for a city kid to go hunting. Like, there''s literally no place back in New Jersey where you can safely discharge a firearm outside. It''s wall to wall people. Yeah, there are a couple forests and shit, but even there you''ve got people living in them. Pineys and shit. So of course being a Gen Z kid from the hood, while I was down with guns, I was not down with hunting. I didn''t even think about it; if I had, I probably would have realized that there are still places where hunting makes sense. But my first reaction to a big assed bear wouldn''t always be ''kill it, kill it, kill it''. I mean, so far of the four that have shown up, one ran afoul of Marie and Lachlan, one killed Devorah as its opening move, one attacked my Cadets when we interrupted its beauty sleep, and one was charging the Homestead like we owed it money.


    So yesterday we ran a little late, then built ourselves another little igloo, only this time since it wasn''t properly snowing I had the Cadets pile that shit on top and mash it down until we had a solid roof of slightly melted and refrozen snow over us. Another night of staying up watching while the rest of them took turns. By this morning I had zero ability to give a shit about anything except running straight home. Got back to the Homestead by mid-afternoon. Okay, I got home the moment we stepped past the tree line, because when I saw a sum total of zero kaiju attacking the house, I hollered out, "meet me at the house!" Then I stepped back to the showers and thought, Kitten?Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site.


    Yes, love?


    Had a few questions for you, and desperately need a shower.


    I swear I felt the frustration in her voice. Dammit. Are the questions urgent?


    I sighed. No. Important, but not urgent.


    Siobhan?


    Ice Pop''s mental voice came through like she was biting her tongue and squinting. Sorry, Mistress. Reconstructing cartilage. I could have...


    No, no. It''s okay. I can get myself clean. Just kinda wanted some company.


    Then my Murder Mittens'' arms were around me, reaching to turn the water on. "Thanks, Mittens."


    She scrunched up her nose and grinned at me. "Welcome."


    From that point to the moment she gently laid me into the Bath after carrying me there, I did nothing but move how she moved me. I hadn''t had a real break for almost two weeks, and it wasn''t looking real good for me getting downtime any time soon, either. Funny, I was thinking about a year ago earlier this week, and it seemed like I was way better now than then, but back then I don''t think I got a break, and I definitely pushed just as hard. I didn''t think the shit I''d been doing was that much harder than clearing the Plague out of Lancaster.


    "You forget the several times you wound up unconscious for a day or more. Not to mention being able to get actual sleep in actual beds most nights. Frequently accompanied by the two of us." Saffron said that while sliding into the Bath beside me.


    "When did you get here?"


    She chuckled. "While you were sleeping."


    "I wasn''t sleeping. I was thinking about stuff."


    "Oh, you were. I know. But you were also snoring." I reached out, and she slipped under one arm, while Marie stayed tucked under the other one. "So, what''s this important but not urgent question you need answered?"


    I took a minute to cudgel my brain back into motion. "Okay, first thing. Do we have some way to keep someone up in the West Tower on watch going forward?"


    She nodded. "Already taken care of. Your suggestion of a bell isn''t a bad one; I''m having one cast. Starting tomorrow, we''ll have three Senior Cadets stationed at the Homestead. Until then, some of the women are keeping watch, in pairs."


    "Whoa. Senior Cadets? Isn''t that, um..."


    She just chuckled. "You can''t tell me no one in your world had bodyguards? Despite all else, this is still where the Imperator sleeps. I don''t think three Senior Cadets is excessive. Lord Lancaster himself pushed for six."


    I blinked. "Y''know, I''m the one who gave you that job, and I still sometimes forget how much of a thing it''s become."


    She just smiled and nuzzled me. "I know. Questions, before your second wind winds down and you find yourself asleep again?"


    "Oh. Yeah. Bears. Dire Bears. Are they normal around here?"


    "Not unheard of, but not this common." Panther had just come into the room, and he answered as he stepped over to one of the showers. "That last one is the biggest one I''ve heard of, too."


    "Huh. What do they eat, normally?"


    Panther just shrugged as the water sluiced over him. "Moose, maybe? Trees? Whatever they feel like?"


    I chuckled at that. "Okay. Uh, sorry to be all over the place, but that big fucker absolutely came straight at the West Tower from the moment he spotted it. Is that kind of thing normal?"


    Panther shrugged, but Saffron answered. "Monsters do that, love. Dragons. Drakes. Wyverns, to some degree. Dire Animals of all types, although from what I''m given to understand Dire Bears are the only local ones."


    "Wolves," added Panther, and Saffron nodded. "It''s why we have Heroes patrolling the edges of civilized lands. Normal animals are dangerous nuisances at worst, breaking into food stores and perhaps attacking the weak, or old, or those who threaten them. Monsters, on the other hand, seem determined to undo civilization itself. It''s why we call them monsters."


    "Huh. Okay. Feel a little less bad about waxing the one we stumbled across then. I mean, I might be testy if somebody woke me out of a sound sleep, too."


    "Oh, you won''t be."


    I blinked at that. "Uh... okay. Um. Do we want to maybe camouflage the West Tower then?"


    She shook her head, suddenly stern. "Absolutely not. If anything, I intend to make sure it''s lit at night." When I just stared at her muzzily, she softened a little. "I built this Homestead as a fortress, love. I would rather see the beasts inimical to the existence of our people break themselves against that fortress than perhaps pass us by, only to come upon the simple farms beyond us unawares."


    I nodded. That made sense. Of course, it also seemed like a really good idea, between my questions getting answered and my everything finally relaxing to the heat of the water and my lovely ladies surrounding me, to maybe let sleep take me.


    "Siobhan? When''d you get here?"


    "While you were snoring, Tabitha. Which you really ought to get back to."


    So I did.

 Day Five Hundred And Eighty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    Thinking about what Saffron said, and it''s got me all out of sorts. On the one hand, it makes sense to have Batman''s bright yellow bat symbol right over the only really inflexible hard piece of armor he''s wearing. Same goes for our Homestead; if we''re gonna be the only fortress out at this particular ass end of nowhere, and there are monsters actively attracted to human settlements, attracting those monsters to us rather than maybe letting them wander past us to someplace less well guarded just makes sense.


    On the other hand, this is where my fuckin'' kids live. My precious babies that must be protected at all costs. My cute little Daya and David, my clever Maze and talented Ria, my little nature buff Lindsey and wannabe Hero Alex, not to mention my Menace, who lets face it is probably more dangerous than anything we''re gonna wind up luring to us. Honestly, if Ria''s had anything like as much training with a spear as her brother had with his Mana Blade, she might not be totally unprotected her own self. Okay, the more I think about this, the more our less than dangerous kids are the minority of our rug rats. But that still doesn''t matter. I think my whole ascent to where I am now really started with me putting my shit on the line to protect my Menace, and I''m not gonna stop protecting her just because she''s more dangerous than most of the stuff I''m protecting her from.


    Speaking of our little bundle of joy, the whole reason I wound up pushing to get us back here by yesterday hadn''t changed. I fell asleep in the Bath, and woke up as Saffron landed atop me on the Bed. Before I could ask her why, she answered my question and removed my ability to speak. On the other hand, squish thighs keep ears warm. Warm fuzzy Mittens and cool Ice Pop joining in shortly after playing with temperature and texture was nice too.


    As we all lay there after I thought to check the sunrise. Not for at least another hour or so. "What brought this on?"


    "Complaints?"


    "Not a damn one."


    Saffron smirked at my answer, then said, "told you you wouldn''t be mad when I woke you out of a sound sleep."


    I couldn''t help it, a giggle escaped me before I asked, "so, is this your new solution to our Dire Bear problem?"


    She made a whole show of thinking about it, tapping at her teeth with one fingernail while the other two snickered. "No. No, I don''t think we''ll be Worshipping Dire Bears "


    "Oh, is that what that was?"


    She just leaned over me, almost distracting me from her answer. "Do you feel up to following through with the birthday celebration today?"


    I opened my mouth to answer, then realized that I did, in fact, feel pretty fuckin'' good. I blushed a little when I said, "You guys didn''t have to do..." I couldn''t finish the statement. Breasts. Not Saffron''s. She''d grabbed Siobhan and muffled me with her. Then whispered in my ear. "Which is exactly why we didn''t tell you about this little plan. All of us had time to rest."


    Marie didn''t.


    "Plenty." contradicted Marie.


    "So, ready to entertain our ever growing horde of children?"


    I hammed up my own consideration of her question, then said, "just one more?"


    I forgot exactly how Skilled my ladies are. We got back down before the kids woke up. Even after two more ''just one more''s.


    The four of us watched our little ones wake up. Daya and Lindsey both kind of blinked themselves awake and sat up, stretching. Ria and Maze both reminded me a little of Marie, lying there almost like they were still asleep; I only realized they were awake when they murmured something back and forth to one another. Alex was a little like Menace, who did the extended boot up, not unlike Saffron. Once those two finally finished waking up, I cleared my throat and got all of them looking at me.


    "So. Who knows what day it is today?"


    I''d been looking at Menace, who blinked, looked at her fingers like she was counting something, then looked back up at me and said, "Fweyday?"


    You didn''t remind her? Saffron just giggled in my head.


    Something must have shown on my face, because the rest of the kids started agreeing with Isnomi. All except Maze, who looked at me with a cheeky wink and grin and said, "Friday."


    Ria, of course, raised her hand, and when I nodded at her, said, "Isnomi''s birthday?"


    For the slightest of moments you could have heard a pin drop, even on our well padded bed. Then Isnomi crowed out, "Birfday!" and pandemonium erupted.


    I let it go on for a little bit while the four adults in the bed just watched. Before anything could get weird, what with the other kids not having a big celebration this year, I cut in. "Okay, girls, we''ve got a full itinerary today, so let''s get a move on. Upstairs to potty, then down to breakfast, then back up to get cleaned up and dressed."


    Ria head tilted a little. "Why back upstairs after breakfast?"


    "Because I''m pretty sure none of you are gonna be completely clean after breakfast cake."


    At the mention of cake, all of them leapt out of bed and rushed for the Bore. Good kids; they followed directions and hit the toilet before breakfast. They all even remembered to wash their hands in the little basin, too. By the time they all finished and Isnomi lead the charge back to the Bore, Marie and I had the cake set up in the dining room. Not unlike last year, Marie had a monster of a cake ready, only this time instead of mostly going to Cadets, it mostly went to the women, who filed through to wish our littlest a happy birthday, not to mention getting themselves some cake.


    While Isnomi waited impatiently, sitting at my normal seat, I plonked my own ass down where she normally sat, then pulled Saffron into my lap at the first opportunity. "She does that a hell of a lot more naturally than me," I murmured into her hair.


    "You''re better at it than you''d think, love. Oh, certainly, you''re not so blas¨¦ about it, but I think that just endears you to them even more. You make each of them feel special."


    I wrapped my arms around her and just enjoyed the smell of her. "Yeah, I don''t even know half of their names. Shit, probably even less than that."This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source.


    She just chuckled, half turning to put her arms around me. "Even just wanting to is more than most do, love. They see that. They know that. Also, we might want to join that little procession eventually."


    "Why?"


    "How else are we going to get our cake?"


    I let my hands drift downward as I leaned in for a kiss. "My favorite cake is already in my lap."


    I don''t often get to make my Kitten blush, but I do love it when I do. When I heard murmurs of ''silly'' from a certain birthday girl, I got up and wandered over to get cake for myself and Saffron. Then brought it back and fed both pieces to her.


    While I did that, once everybody at the Homestead had their slice of cake, including our visitors, the girls proved that messy eating habits aside, none of them had cake on them by the time they were done. Mostly because they licked the frosting and crumbs off one another''s faces like a little pack of kittens. I might have felt some kinda way about that, except it was clearly ''little kids being little kids, led by one who was half feral''. They also got a little cranky when they still had to go up and wash up. Showers, at least. Because I didn''t think ''face full of kid drool'' was much better than ''face full of frosting'', especially with us all going out.


    When I told them they all needed to put on their nicest outfits, Ria asked, "where are we going?"


    "Your mom''s place, to start with."


    Of course led by David, who put on his full ballerina onesie before anybody could stop him, the rest all got their onesies as well. Okay, Maze got her pony, Alex got her armor, and Lindsey got her camo. I sat there feeling some kinda way about the other three not having them yet, although watching Ria help Menace with her uniform was super cute. Then Marie stepped up to Ria and laid a hand on her shoulder. When Ria turned, Marie held out a onesie that shone with the glossy black of a raven''s wing. The wings on the back and the beak on the hood were absolutely perfect.


    I turned to look at little Daya, only to find Marie tucking her into a onesie that absolutely glittered. Sequins. So. Many. Sequins. Where''d you get all those?


    Marie just smiled softly up at me. Yule.


    Menace, with all the tact and sensitivity I''d expect from a two year old, asked, "wheyah''s mine?" At which point Marie leaned over, picked her up by the jacket, and then bounced her like that once or twice. "Oh!"


    "Scamp."


    Menace just folded her arms across her little chest. "Goddeth."


    "Same."


    While they all admired each other''s outfits, I Co-Located to Conrad''s Workshop. "Son?"


    His fingers slipped over my shoulders, and if I spoiled my involuntary flinch by leaning my cheek against one of them, he didn''t seem to mind awfully. "Mother Dearest!"


    "Is everything ready?"


    "Of course."


    I nodded. "Would you like to come along and show them how to use everything?"


    He shrugged, "I''m sure young Ria knows the basics of how to put tack on a Steed."


    "True, but the rest don''t, and they really ought to thank you, right?"


    He thought about that for a second. "Of course, Mother." Then he pointed at a big fuckin'' case. "I''m afraid that full tack and saddle for seven Steeds isn''t exactly light."


    I sighed, then nodded. "The good is never easy, the easy never good." I grabbed each end of the case by its handle, having to stretch a little as I did. "You need a ride, or?"


    "I''ll meet you there."


    I stepped the tack case down to the stables in the Overlord''s Keep, then collapsed back into myself as all eleven of us stepped down to Tallulah''s hall. She looked up from where she''d been meeting with her first few petitioners of the day. "Imperator. Champion. To what do I owe the pleasure?"


    "Hey Tallulah. Isnomi''s birthday today, so we figured we''d come down and collect those Steeds taking up space in your stables."


    The folks in the room all kinda shuddered at that, the Fae not much less than the non-Fae. Then they all looked more than a little shook when she stood, bowed her head ever so slightly, and very clearly curtsied at our itty bitty Primordial terror. "Menace."


    Points to Isnomi for taking after Saffron and not being an absolute loss when it came to social things. She bowed and replied, "Ovuhwowd."


    With that, Ria led us out to the stables. As I brought up the rear, I thought, can you join us for dinner?


    She maybe sounded a little surprised, but Tallulah rallied and replied, of course.


    When we got to the stables, Conrad opened the big case, stepped over to Ria, and asked, "pardon, sister, but could you assist me in showing your sisters how to properly equip your Steeds with this?"


    I considered it a massive personal achievement that not once in the following unintentional comedy of errors did I consider laughing. Like, not Conrad and Ria. She kinda knew what she was doing, and he of course knew exactly how to get the tack he''d made onto the not-horses. But the rest of them only had a vague idea at best, but the fact that things literally named ''Nightmares'' weren''t even in the top three in terms of ''scary things'' in the room. Funniest of all for me, they knew that, and stood there looking like mannequins unless someone tried to move them. At which point they fuckin'' moved exactly as they were prompted to.


    An hour later, more or less, each of the kids was mounted on the steed Ria had picked out for them. Pretty much tied into the saddle, because as always Conrad knew how safety conscious we were, and the Nightmares themselves weren''t stupid enough to try any rolling shit with one of Menace''s sisters aboard. I looked around at the adults and said, "so, we''ll see you guys at home for dinner?"


    Saffron looked up at me. Are you sure about this, love?


    C''mon. They''ll love it.


    They will. My nerves may not. Take Marie with you?


    I looked over at Marie, who simply replied, "Yes."


    With that, I nodded, gave Saffron and Siobhan both a quick smooch, gave Conrad a quick hug and a quiet, "thanks, son," then Co-Located to each of the Nightmares, laid a hand on their shoulders, and stepped us all to M-Space.


    Five pairs of eyes got really big. Seven more squeezed shut for a moment before opening again, like the steeds hadn''t really believed they''d get back here any time soon. "Okay, everyone. Follow Marie, I''ll bring up the rear. Call out if you need a break."


    Lead on, Murder Mittens.


    So we ran. At first, Marie kept to a gentle loping run across fields of Fae Grain interspersed with tentacles. Once we cleared those fields, she dropped to all fours and poured on the speed. The Nightmares kept up with her, the girls absolutely shrieking with delight, even David and Daya. Not long after that, we hit some wooded hills, and she rose right up into the air, the Nightmares following right along. David''s shriek sounded a little less delighted, so I landed my butt on the rump of his Nightmare.


    "You okay, buddy?"


    David nodded, but definitely had a white knuckled grip on the reins. I slipped my hands around David''s, my arms going around as well. I rode like that for a while as we slowly slipped behind the rest. After a bit, I Translocated us back up to the middle of the pack, at which point David''s screams got way less frightened and way more excited. From that point forward, I hopped from Nightmare to Nightmare, checking to make sure all of the girls were doing okay. Finally, as I saw the glimmer of the tip of the West Tower, I hopped onto Murder Mitten''s shoulders.


    Thanks, Mittens.


    Welcome, Vlickies.


    We took one lap around the Tower, then came down to land in the courtyard. Mirroring what I''d done earlier, I Co-Located to each of them, then stepped us all back to the Mortal Realm. A moment later we all stood in the Courtyard. The women around us turned and, despite some serious tension in their gazes, waved and called out hellos. Hey Kitten?


    Yes, love?


    Where are we keeping these?


    She laughed into my brain, then thought, the stables are under the courtyard, love. A moment later she stood before us, reaching up to take Ria''s Nightmare''s reins. For a moment it looked like it was going to balk, then Saffron gave it a look, and it chose the path of less pain and agony.


    We walked the Nightmares around the courtyard a few times, each of them led by their girl, and then we went down the same ramp we''d led the livestock down when it arrived. Seemed kinda weird having our stables underground, but that''s pretty much how they did it at Lancaster House. We spent the next while taking the tack off and hanging it on the walls of the stables. Then Murder Mittens showed up leading a short squad of women, each of them carrying an armload of Dire Bear meat. The women and girls put the meat where you''d normally put hay or stuff like that.


    After that, it was in to the house for more cake. Lots more cake. Holy hell, the dinner and the cake. By the time the sun approached the horizon, the kids had been more or less bouncing off the walls for like an hour. Amusingly, Conrad had in fact joined us, seemingly enjoying the cake his own self. I sauntered over and leaned in. "Guess the gliders will have to wait for another day."


    He tilted his head, and I saw him smile as every sphincter on my body clenched. "Oh, but Mother Dearest, why else would I have put lights on them all?"

 Day Five Hundred And Eighty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    It''s strange. Part of me thinks that Conrad is softening up. Learning. Becoming less ''serial killer'' and more ''edge lord''. I''m not sure how much that''s me observing changes in him now that he''s not allowed to give in to his worst impulses, how much is him using his behavior to manipulate me, and how much is me seeing what I want to see. I wish I could say exactly how much of each is happening, but short of doing something as heinous as making him one of my High Clergy then forcing him to tell me which it is, I got nothin''.


    Seriously. I''m not gonna do that. If nothing else, I gotta set a good example for my daughter, who has already nabbed herself two High Priestesses. Marie I could maybe see being voluntary. Maybe even Murder Mittens'' idea, since it gives her that much more ability to keep tabs on our little Menace. Hell, she''s Isnomi''s Godmother, it just makes sense that she''d accept that kind of thing. At least I hope that''s what happened. With Diana, I got no real clue, but I suspect Menace didn''t so much ''ask'' as ''assume''. At least Diana doesn''t seem too put out by it. Maybe at some point in the near future I should check, just to be sure.


    Hell, Diana''s the She-Bear, right? Maybe she''d have some insight into the whole Dire Bear situation we''ve got going on. Worst case, I go see her and she says her life is sunshine, roses, and endless orgasms since the Menace anointed her. Even if that last one would be weird. Then she tells me she knows nothing of Dire Bears. Okay, neither of those is terrible, even if one is a weird flavor of squick flavored, which gets even worse when I think about that fact that Menace can look through Marie''s eyes if she''s really got a bug up her butt about ''silly'' things. Shit. I need to talk to her about that.


    After she fuckin'' lands.


    Yeah, of course my sociopathic bastard of a son didn''t hide the fuckin'' glider or anything. He carried it right in to the dining room, at which point Menace seeing it became inevitable. Once she did, she shrieked out, "FYE!" and charged at Conrad, a flying wedge of her sisters spontaneously forming behind her. I think he might have timed it specifically for when Loki and Sigyn arrived, but that might just have been sheer random chance. Really.


    Credit where it''s due, he held the glider above his head and called out, "only once you''re all properly attired."


    Did that mean blood pressure wound up saved due to lack of flight suits for my girls? Of course not. You must be thinking of some family without Marie attending to its sartorial needs. Conrad handed me Menace''s glider and set to helping each of our girls, his sisters, into their own custom sewn padded flight suits. Once they all had their suits on, he nodded to me. "Well? Lead on, Mother Dearest." When I raised an eyebrow, he explained, "to the roof, of course, high enough for the daring to catch an updraft, low enough for the timid to glide down to the courtyard safely."


    I sighed and headed for the Bore. Siobhan? Could you maybe be ready in case one of them takes a tumble?


    Of course.


    When we got out onto the roof, not only had somebody cleared all the snow off, six more gliders in various glowing hues leaned against the slates. As Conrad went over how to hook into the gliders, using Ria to demonstrate the process, Sigyn, Loki, Siobhan, Saffron, and I each took another kid to buckle them in. David and Alex both looked a little uncertain, even if Alex tried to hide it. Lindsey and Ria both just followed Conrad''s instructions like he was talking about setting up a stereo. Daya was her normal inscrutable self, and Maze definitely won the prize for the best combination of excited and terrified amongst my girls.


    At that point Menace walked up and pulled on my elbow. When I looked at her, she asked, "fye ad nide?" When I nodded, she looked around the sky, and I realized who she wanted. I tugged on the emergency coring tentacles, and a moment later she arrived.


    "Daughter. Granddaughter."


    "GAMAMA!" I guess for a two year old it had been a while. Meanwhile the rest of the kids on the roof, now buckled firmly into their gliders, looked at the ebon figure standing next to their youngest sister, impassively watching as said Menace clung to her thigh like a limpet. "Gwanmama hep!"


    Domnu looked at me. I shrugged and said, "she knows how to hook herself in. Conrad, could you help her?"


    Watching the two of them try to have a pissing contest without upsetting Menace or me had to be the highlight of my evening. But after a few minutes she was bucked in her own self, and I turned to Domnu. "Okay, Mother. Menace and I would like it if you accompanied her and her sisters on their flights tonight. So please keep your granddaughters safe."


    "Granddaughters?" I nodded to the other six, who all looked on with various degrees of bulging eyes. She stared at each of them, muttering things like, "inferior," (at David), "unpleasant," (at Daya), and, "marginally acceptable," when she finished staring at Ria.


    "Ma? Could you maybe try not to be quite such an enormous bitch?" She just stared at me, comprehension completely foreign to her. "Yeah, okay, just keep them all safe, okay?"


    "Of course."


    I guessed that would be the best I''d get. Before Menace got her fly on, I leaned out over the edge of the roof. First I slow rolled a Fire Bolt into the pavers of the courtyard. Not enough to damage them, just enough to warm them up but good. Then I threw the biggest fuckin'' Air Shield I could over the whole damn thing. I heard somebody squeak and realized there might have been some pedestrians out for a stroll. "Sorry!"The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    "Nothing harmed but my pride!" a suspiciously Devorah-like voice called out from near the South House.


    I turned back to my collected daughters. "Whenever you''re ready, Menace."


    "FYE!" she screamed before sprinting pell mell for the edge of the roof. As was my wont, I thanked serendipity for my lack of bowel and bladder contents to lose control over as she plummeted a few feet before catching the updraft and soaring into the air.


    As Domnu rose into the air alongside her, I turned to the rest. "Okay, girls. Whenever you''re ready. And if that''s not tonight, it''s not tonight. I think Isnomi would like it if you''d all try at least one go, though. Just so you know, the courtyard has an Air Shield. You could jump down from here without a glider and the worst you''d get is some bumps from when you slid off the edge of the Shield. So, anybody..."


    Alex screamed out something that sounded almost entirely like, "FLY!" Then she sprinted to the edge of the roof. She missed her jump, but managed to catch a draft before testing that ''plummet to the courtyard and not get hurt'' theory.


    As she ascended, Loki''s voice sounded in my brain. I''ll help safeguard them, daughter.


    With that he disappeared, but I heard the flapping of wings as something followed her. Thanks, Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    Over the course of the next few minutes, each of my daughters launched themselves into the sky. Okay, most of them went skyward. Lindsey didn''t actually go up; instead she managed to glide across the courtyard, almost faceplanting into the West Tower before she steered around it, then sailed out into the wider valley beyond. I''ve got her, love.


    Thanks, Kitten.


    The only real crash of the night came from David, who tried to stop right before he went over the edge, only to have the momentum of his glider pull him over. I Translocated down to catch him, forgetting my own fuckin'' Air Shield. By the time the leading edge of his glider bonked into the front wall of the house, I''d managed to scramble to my feet and slide sideways. I reversed course and slid on my knees to scoop him up, glider and all, and carry him to the far side of the house and the edge of the Air Shield. "You''re okay, kiddo. I got you."


    "I''m okay."


    "You sure?"


    "Yeah. Just... scary. I''m... I''m ''fraid of heights."


    I hit the emergency releases and scooped my kid into a hug. "Oh, sweetie. I''m so sorry. You really didn''t have to."


    "S''okay," came a quiet mutter from my general chest region.


    "Okay like you want to try it again?"


    "No thank you."


    I chuckled a little at that, hugging my girliest girl ever to my chest to let her know she didn''t have to. "Want me to lose your glider? We could tell everybody it got wrecked or something."


    David froze at that, then shook her head. "No. No, I might want to try again. Someday."


    "Just not tonight?"


    "Not tonight."


    "Okay then. Let''s get you inside and... want to hang it up in your room?"


    "Okay."


    I Translocated us into the hallway, then we carried David''s glider into her room and hung it from some hooks that some way more prepared parent than me had already put there. I helped get her flight suit off, then said, "this is kinda sweaty; I''m gonna put it in the laundry." She murmured something, and I just snuggled her to me. "It''s sweat unless you say it''s not, kiddo."


    "Kay."


    Everybody okay out there?


    The children are having a grand time. Our son is taking great delight in adding gray hairs to my head. Our daughters are all well, with Marie and Siobhan standing by to assist with their landings.


    I''m taking David to the Bath; join us there as you get done?


    Of course, love.


    One at a time, as their desire to fly waned, our daughters trickled in to the Bath. First Lindsey, who''d had enough of a flight with her single long glide, Saffron shepherding her and talking to her about her experience. Then Daya, who seemed a little tired, but none the worse for wear, even if Marie carried her into the room. Maze and Ria came in together. leading Siobhan and chattering to her about Healing magic. Finally Alex followed Isnomi into the room, each of them holding one of Domnu''s fingers as they towed her first to the showers, then into the Bath.


    Maybe I should have intervened, but honestly, after all the shit she put me through, I couldn''t find enough fucks to do so. Loki and Sigyn joined us all in the Bath shortly before Panther and Brown wandered in.


    "Hey, guys. Sorry, didn''t mean to forget about you."


    They looked at each other, then broke up laughing. "Quite all right, Champion. The women of the Homestead have been most accommodating. We just had two questions."


    "Shoot."


    "Should we head back to Phileo, or wait here for now. Also, were those your daughters in the sky earlier?"


    "YETH!" shouted Menace, answering the first question for me, right before all of her sisters, Lindsey and David included, shouted out agreement.


    Laughing, I shook my head at the antics, then said, "look, you guys are welcome as long as you want to stay. We''ve got the extra rooms, and if you don''t mind bear meat we''ve got food for a whole fuckin'' legion. I dunno if I''m gonna be up for another run next week. So," I shrugged. "Y''know, do as you will. Just, if you''re gonna head back to Phileo? Have one of us Translocate you back, and stay in touch with the Headmaster, just in case."


    "What of Silk and I?"


    I shrugged again. "Same goes for you guys. Stay as long as you like. If you need an escort back to your village, just let me know, we''ll figure something out. Heck, I could Translocate you there myself, I think."


    He chuckled. "I think Silk might hurt me if I suggest leaving too soon."


    I laughed in reply. "Yeah, I think the women might rebel if I did too. In the meanwhile, c''mon in and soak. Unless you two had somewhere to be?"


    Turns out they didn''t. Also turns out that the Bath is big enough that I''m pretty sure we could fit everybody living in the East House into it. We all soaked and chatted and watched as the girls dropped off to sleep one at a time, at which point we carried them down and went to bed our own selves. None of my ladies had any problems whatsoever with Grandpa Loki and Grandma Sigyn joining us for the night. The only one who might have complained about a sleepy Isnomi dragging Grandmama Domnu along as well was the Primordial of Night herself, who wisely shut the fuck up and provided extra padding for her Menace of a granddaughter.


    So we all settled in to sleep.


    Like half an hour before I had to get up to go teach class.


    Call me a vindictive bitch, but I decided to start teaching ballroom dancing today. One guess which pair I had demonstrate every fuckin'' thing I remembered duBois teaching us.

 Day Five Hundred And Eighty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    Gotta wonder if duBois ever felt the same way about me and Lancaster as I do about Hildegarde and Citron. Like, on the one hand I''m sure he enjoyed his nemesis'' son getting shown up by his prot¨¦g¨¦. Because despite myself I''ve realized that''s what I kinda am to him. Which would make me give some serious side eye to plan Gold Retirement Watch, except for the fact that Phileo traditions are based on what for me are ''ancient Greek'' traditions, which have shenanigans going on between mentor and prot¨¦g¨¦ all the fuckin'' time. Also, I don''t give a shit about that, since while I''ve definitely seen him as an authority figure, he''s not the one initiating that shit.


    But my infinite capacity for idiocy and intent for dubious duBois shenanigans aside, because it''s not like I''m ever going to sleep with a student in my class, except holy shit I already kinda did with Vickerson. Okay, she wasn''t in my class at the time. She was just a Soldier nominally under my command. I have just come to the realization I really need to talk that out with the ladies and the rents and anyone else who is ready, willing, and capable of pulling my head out of my ass about that. Because at this point I don''t know which direction is getting my head on straight and which one leads to further rectal ostrich impressions.


    So I''ve got at least one very obvious pair of rivals in my class. Worse, they''re not exactly middling talented ones, either. I''ve seen Citron literally offhandedly parry shots headed toward himself and Hildegarde by some third party. Like, he doesn''t even have to think about it with anybody but Hildegarde. Meanwhile she does push him, keep him on his toes, and beats him sometimes. Most of his wins aren''t from more natural talent, either, but from the same advantages Larry had when we met; a lifetime of privilege and training for doing this exact thing. Whereas Hildegarde is just a scrapper with a penchant for wrecking shit, not unlike yours truly. Only, y''know, she isn''t a Goddess in disguise, so she''s having to scramble and acquire Skills without those advantages. Of course, she is gaining Skills, and if what Saffron says is correct, she''ll be gaining them faster than he is, since she''s starting out with lower numbers to begin with.


    That kinda makes me wonder if there are any Cadets equivalent to Saffron, Bonnie, or maybe Bill in the mix in this class. I guess there''s Vickerson, but she''s not exactly any of them. She''s a former Soldier, a squad leader at least, who''s decided to try their hand at being a Hero. Which from what I remember wasn''t that much of a thing before my Class. From the edges of conversations I overheard, plus stuff I remember talking with Saffron about, prior to our Class the Academy pretty much recruited from the wealthy and powerful of Phileo. Rich kids. Maybe not all Dan rich kids, but still mostly rich kids, maybe with a smattering of ''middle class'' kids with talent. Saffron herself couldn''t even get into the prep school pipeline, because ''poor and Bag''. So I guess even if I fuck everything else up by the numbers from here on out, putting the idea in people''s heads that a Hero can come from anywhere was a worthwhile accomplishment.


    Yeah, me and Remy and Enkidu, comin'' out the gutters and sewers and wilderness to save the fuckin'' day when all seems lost.


    At any rate, Citron and Hildegarde dancing was funny as shit. Both of them tried to lead. She''s like Siobhan''s height, maybe five two, five three, and he''s gotta be close to Lachlan''s six four. Worse, in some ways, she''s got broader shoulders than he does. I''m pretty sure that while he can lift her if he sets himself, she can straight up sprint around doing gymnastics carrying him. I intervened just enough to get them to take turns leading, then sat back and watched the shit show. I mean, I got them to do it right enough for everybody else to follow along, but once everybody was dancing, I mostly watched the two of them and tried to keep a straight face.


    Got home absolutely exhausted, because the past week has not been restful, and even if Isnomi''s birthday party turned out great, it was pretty fuckin'' emotionally draining. Not absolutely sure, but I think the tension and emotional roller coaster aspect of things tires me out more than anything shy of Mana Shaping at a Deific scale. Siobhan sat on my lap and fed me, while Saffron had a Marie seat cushion doing the same for her. Honestly, Siobhan didn''t seem in much better shape than Saffron or I.


    It only reinforced that impression when, up in the showers, Siobhan stumbled over to Marie and said, "pardon, Marie, but could you attend to Tabitha as well as Saffron? I''m afraid I''m at my limits." Then she got really tense and shy as Marie stepped over to her, looming like only Marie can loom. Blushing, Siobhan said, "I''m so sorry. I overstepped, and I..."


    Her voice trailed off with a squeak as Marie spanned her waist with one claw, lifted her up until they were eye to eye, then stepped forward to put Siobhan''s back against the shower wall, bringing her own face almost touching close. Then the two of them disappeared. Almost simultaneously a nude Marie each appeared behind Saffron and I, stepping forward to help us disrobe and subsequently make with the getting clean.


    Before we were half done, Marie and Siobhan reappeared, our little Healer dangling from one of Marie''s claws. When Marie''s turn to reach the faucet pointed Siobhan''s face toward Saffron and I, she mutter moaned, "thank you, Marie."


    At which point Murder Mittens lifted her under the stream from the shower, reached around to pull her face up close again, and growled out, "Welcome."


    Since my face was currently in the process of being rinsed off, I thought, thanks, Marie. I don''t know what the rest of us would do without you.


    All three Maries turned to stare at me as she replied, Survive. Then they all grinned that kind of grin that''s only possible with feline dentition and appended, Unpleasantly.


    She carried all three of us to the Bath and kept one with each of us, giving us a warm, purring, fuzzy backrest to lay against as she played with our hair. After a while, before I fell asleep entirely, I thought, surprised you''re not gonna play with us like life sized dolls.


    I''m really not sure if that was brilliant or idiotic. On the one hand, did not get to sleep until I blacked out. On the other hand, blacked out staring into the mirror, watching my Kitten lying against my side, my arm around her, getting the exact same consciousness stealing treatment I was.


    Dreamt of my Murder Mittens delivering assorted lady food to me in quantities large enough to fill my Maw to bursting. Good dreams. Slept well.


    Woke to all of us piled atop her, her arms holding us as she continued purring. I don''t deserve you, Marie.


    Slowly, carefully, she extricated the other two, leaving them each with a pile of snoozing kiddos. Then she rolled the two of us to the Bed, me on my back, her on hands and knees pinning me there. Wrong.


    I stopped arguing. She''s obviously far smarter than me. Way more experienced too. As a reward for being such a good obedient fianc¨¦e, I got two waffles with my spicy eggs and jalapeno scrapple. Yeah, I''m a simple woman. I can easily be bribed with sex and food. Still, I''m not sure exactly what she was bribing me to do, except accept the food and the sex.


    When the Cadets made it into formation, after the pleasantries of getting them all to bellow out, "good morning, Ma''am," at the top of their lungs, I gave them the plan for the day.


    "Yesterday''s dancing went fairly well." When the chuckles died down, I smiled and said, "no, really. It takes a while to get good at anything, especially when it''s something you haven''t done before. Whether that''s dancing, letting someone else lead, or cooperating with another person." Citron and Hildegarde both looked a little abashed, but I didn''t think either of them really needed smoke blown up their ass at this point. "So, everybody gets that a lot of our work on Saturdays in PT is to foster your ability to cooperate with your future fellow Heroes, right?"


    "Yes, Ma''am!"


    "Okay then. Just want to point that out before we get into things today. Because today, after we''re done with our warmup run and some Paired Isometrics for stretching, you''re finally going to be doing some sparring."Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.


    I barely managed to keep a straight face as every eye in the Yard turned to face Citron or Hildegarde. The only exceptions being the two of them, who stayed eyes front, and Vickerson, who kept looking back and forth between them. "Once we''re done with stretches, I''ll call for volunteers for the first match, so you guys can get an idea of what''s allowed and what''s not."


    One thing I''d done differently from duBois since a week or two in, I generally ran with the Cadets during their warm up. Today was no exception, and I took great delight in pushing both of my problem children to keep their pace up. I figured maybe if I got them a little winded, they''d be a little less likely to annihilate one another in the ring. Of course I paired them up for stretching, because have you met me? I may be doing my best to be a good teacher, but some particular bits of trolling I absolutely can''t resist.


    When I called for them all to get back in formation at the end of the warm up time, those two practically Translocated to their spots. They didn''t; I hadn''t taught them that and as far as I knew neither of them had gotten it as a Boon from their Trickster God or Goddess, but they did a damn fine impression of it.


    "Okay, Cadets. Who wants to go first?"


    Several hands shot up, and if Citron''s frown as he glanced around at the others didn''t force hands down, Hildegarde''s glare certainly did. Had to give Vickerson credit, she just rolled her eyes and kept her hand up. I briefly considered putting her against one of the other two, but while she had more practical experience with actual combat than either of them, her skills mostly lay in organization and discipline, not one one one shit wrecking.


    Once I had the rest of the class gathered around the central sixteen pavers of the Yard, with the two of them in the center facing me, I made sure I had everyone''s complete attention before speaking. "Okay, you two. The Rules of Engagement are as follows. No deliberate kill shots. No deliberate maiming shots. If your opponent slaps the ground with either hand, that''s considered a submission and the fight is over. If your opponent loses consciousness, the fight is over. If I call for you to back off, the fight is over. No hitting your opponent after the fight is over. Do you understand those Rules?"


    Citron''s hand shot up. "Ma''am, how do we tell who won?"


    "If you submit, you lose. If you go unconscious, you lose. If I call you off, I''ll let the two of you know who won. But odds are if I''m calling you off, it''s because you''ve already won and all that''s left is the possibility of more injury."


    "But... how do you score things?"


    I snorted, then barked out a single laugh. "Cadet, you will be sparring, both to practice your Skills and, hopefully, improve them. You are learning those Skills so that some day, when you are faced with opposition who will not take the path of wisdom and talk things out, you will win any contest of arms you''re involved in. The only people ''keeping score'' on a battlefield are the ones still standing at the end. So... how do you think I''ll be keeping score?"


    He gawped for a second, at which point Hildegarde''s hand shot up. I nodded, and she barked out, "whoever''s standing at the end!"


    I pointed at her and nodded, keeping eye contact with Citron. "I think she might have an advantage over me, Ma''am."


    Both of us blinked at that, at least until he said, "she''s dealt with more pain and suffering."


    I shook my head. "Y''know, if you hadn''t just said that like it was some kind of moral failing on her part, we both might be more impressed with you. So, you understand the rules?" He nodded. I turned to Hildegarde. "You understand the rules?" She frowned, but nodded. If I hadn''t had a lifetime of watching people on the streets of Camden, I might not have noticed the sly grin she hid under that frown. At that point I might have done a little bit of looming over her, which did fuck all, then said, "just so you''re aware, every bit of Mana Sister Siobhan uses putting one of you two back together is one bit less energy she has available to make me more tolerant of any bullshit one of you might wind up pulling. With that in mind, if I see either of you deliberately finish any kind of attack once the fight is officially over? I will be very angry when I inflict the same damage you failed to avoid inflicting. Do I make myself perfectly clear?"


    My front tingled as she looked at me with the kind of fear and awe I know I always felt when somebody saw through my bullshit. "Yes, Ma''am!"


    "Okay then. Face each other." They did. "Shake hands." They did, and I don''t think Hildegarde even tried for a crusher grip. "Now, back to the edges of your pavers." They stepped back, and I did the same, because I low key knew what came next. "Begin!"


    I half expected Hildegarde''s leaping charge. I did not expect the sideways lunge and clothesline Citron met it with. Neither Hildegarde nor I noticed his foot lashing out to kick her shins together, sending her into a fall which looked to be an imminent faceplant. Of course, his clothesline feint put his arm within reach of her, and she managed to get one hand onto his wrist. Everyone heard the pop as his arm twisted backward, then the nasty grinding crunch as she didn''t curl her head quite far in enough to keep from sliding on the paver just a bit before she rolled.


    She popped back up to her feet at the end of the roll, never letting go of Citron''s arm. He ragdolled along behind her, and she yanked him toward her before he managed to get his feet under himself. Of course she used that yank to add more impact to the punch she threw at his thus far undamaged face. Then he surprised both of us again, this time by not only jerking his head to the side so her punch clipped his ear rather than demolishing his nose, but by smashing his forehead right into her abraded cheek and ear.


    "FUCK!" she screamed as she shouldered him backward, never letting go of his injured arm.


    "Afraid I''ll have to decline your generous..." Hildegarde interrupted Citron''s witty banter by screaming and yanking him in again, this time going for a headbutt. Okay, given their relative heights and the fact that he''d managed to get his feet under him, it would have wound up a forehead-to-chest impact, if not for the fact that Citron twisted his body around, using his apparently dislocated arm for leverage. I mentally gave him points both for attempting the witty banter and for not screaming his fool head off when he did that.


    She slammed her forehead right into him, but he''d managed to redirect it to one of his pecs. Not painless, but way less painful than someplace not layered in muscle. He then showed a positively inspired streak of cruelty when he wrapped his arm around her head and dug his fingers in to her already injured cheek and ear. Really had me startled that he''d gone for anything resembling grappling, what with her obviously having way more muscle density than him. Still, points for creativity, doing the unexpected, and paying more attention to doing unto others than any kind of ''honor'' or ''rules'' when it came to fighting.


    Of course, he''d also wandered directly into Hildegarde''s area of specialty. The being mean, not the grappling, even if she wasn''t half bad at that either. She straightened her head up and bit him. Hard. Hard enough that I heard the integral metal rings in his jacket deforming, hard enough that I think she caught a sensitive bit in whatever she''d gotten her teeth around.


    "Fucking! Bitch!" Citron screamed, grabbing at her chin and trying to unscrew her head with his functioning arm. That wound up pulling on her mouth, which reminded him she had not yet released her toothy grip on his nip. "FUCK!" At that point he just started slamming his head into her face, at least as well as he could with the two of them tangled up.


    While he''d focused on that, she''d managed to slip one leg behind his, and yanked backwards, pulling his feet out from under him. The moment she felt his weight on her, she leapt. Like, straight up into the air, twisting as she did to pull him under her. They plummeted headfirst toward the pavers, at which point I tossed the Air Shield I''d been holding. As Hildegarde''s weight slammed Citron''s breath out of him even with the Air Shield making the impact moderately painful rather than outright lethal, I stepped over to the edge of the Air Shield, grabbed the back of her jacket, and called out, "back off! Both of you!"


    They both froze, and I said, "both of you let go of the other." Citron closed his eyes, but followed instructions. I couldn''t see Hildegarde''s face, but he dropped away from where I held her, sliding on his back to the edge of the Air Shield. I dropped the Shield, set Hildegarde on her feet, then reached down and picked Citron up by his jacket and did the same to him. Then I turned each of them to face the other.


    "Okay. First of all, good fight, both of you. Citron," Hildegarde tensed. "I''m gonna have to call this one for Hildegarde, because without an Air Shield there, odds are your skull would have some interesting new fracture patterns. On the other hand, you definitely surprised me by going hard into grappling."


    As I paused a moment, he shook his head. "Not like I could get away once she had hands on me."


    I nodded. "After you two get back from the Infirmaries, I''ll show you some escapes the Marshall taught me." Not that I''d ever personally used them, but they didn''t know that. "Now, get each other to the Infirmaries. Make sure they check you both for concussions."


    Both of them grumbled about not needing the Infirmary. Honestly, I wasn''t sure if they needed it, but I needed them out of my hair for a bit, and they needed to see the other as a sparring partner, not an actual enemy. "Citron, a dislocation like that is nothing to fuck around with, especially for a swordsman like yourself. Hildegarde, I say this from personal experience, facial scars suck." She gave me a look like she was gonna argue, at which point I said, "unnecessary ones aren''t even cool. You get some in an actual battle defending someone from shit they can''t defend themselves from? Keep those if you want. But this? This is a fuckin'' training accident. Go have Siobhan fix it." I couldn''t help the evil grin that slipped across my face. "If you can''t just ask her to fix it, I''ll tell her you need her to kiss it and make it better."


    Not sure if making myself their common enemy was really the wisest choice, but fuck it, time to put on my big girl panties and do the job.


    Still tempted to have Siobhan administer Hildegarde''s healing with her lips though.

 Day Five Hundred And Eighty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    I know I''ve said this before, but working on myself is a journey, a process, not a destination or a project. It''s not something where I can ever really say I''m done. I think I remember something from my Sophomore Bio class, a thing about evolution, maybe, but it kinda applies here. I can''t remember if it was the teacher or something he had us read or maybe a video he had us watch, but it described evolution as ''the Red Queen''s Race: running as fast as you can just to stay in place''. Which sounds fuckin'' exhausting when I put it that way.


    But it''s not really quite that bad. I can make progress. I can see that I''m in a better place than I was a year ago, and holy fuck am I in a better place than I was two years ago.


    No, I am not referring to the space between Marie''s thighs, or Saffron''s bodacious bouncing boobs, nor am I even referring to the surprisingly cool interior of my Ice Pop''s mouth. Although now I''ve got an idea where I want to visit next time we''ve got time and energy to visit the Bedroom for more than soporifics.


    Seriously, though, even just realizing that self-improvement is an ongoing, lifelong process rather than a one and done project is a huge leap forward from where I was this time last year, when I''d really just barely started working on, y''know, being a better me. Two years ago now I was still in high school. Mostly cutting class as often as I could get away with it, killing the pain of being me and living my life with everything I could get my hands on. Weed, booze, dudes, video games, my own personal joy buzzer, whatever made the dopamine flow, I clung to that shit, hard. Which is sort of one of the things I worry about here and now. Am I getting better, am I progressing and growing and becoming a healthier person, a better partner, a better mom, or have I just found more reliable, less toxic sources of dopamine?


    Does that even matter?


    I get that the whole ''being a better, less toxic, healthier person, partner, and mom'' is important, but if the way I''m getting there is by frequent dopamine injection, does that negate all of it? I''m really curious. I''m not gonna stop working on it, one way or the other, because even if most of the progress is due to my lovely ladies and the occasional visit from my himbros, the work that I do, sitting down and talking things out with Mom and Dad and Saffron and Marie and Siobhan is, I dunno, cementing it in place. Letting me see how far I''ve come, maybe mapping out what direction I need to go in the future.


    Of course, thinking about the future definitely winds up being an entirely different prospect when I''m not thinking about a couple decades. I''m not even talking about a century, where at the end I''m all wrinkled and pruney and ready to take a dirt nap. I''m a Goddess. From everything I can tell, I''m immortal. Not quite ''unchanging'', which I can only think of as a good thing, because if I weren''t capable of change I''d still be waking up at night screaming about being shot. But Dionysus doesn''t look more than maybe thirty something. Marie looks like she''s in her early twenties. Hel looks to be maybe the same age as Dionysus, and if I had to put an age on Sigyn, it would probably be something like, ''Catherine Zeta Jones'', because who the fuck knows how old that walking thirst trap is.


    All that really makes ''this is an ongoing process I will be engaging in for the rest of my life'' hit different.


    So yesterday the Cadets sparred. Most of them went at it with the enthusiasm of gym rat martial arts students with more testosterone than brains, but they still somehow wound up being less violent and get less injuries over the course of the day than Hildegarde and Citron inflicted on each other in under sixty seconds in that first spar. With thirty Cadets, I wound up able to split them into groups of three, two sparring and one doing the ref job. After lunch, when my two star pupils and personal trials returned, I joined them as ref, which they both took as some kind of huge compliment. Right up until the point they realized that the ''refs'' were rotating in to spar.If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    Hildegarde is strong. Really fuckin'' strong. Probably stronger than Angel was her first Season. Possibly even in the same general ballpark as Bill is now. She is not, in fact, as strong as a raging berserk Jarl, or a fuckin'' Hole Spawned Crab. She seemed to feel some kinda way when I calmly explained to her that grappling with someone stronger than you is what they call a Bad Move, as she''d shown Citron just a few hours earlier.


    Citron is fast. Surprisingly so for such a big guy. Probably faster than Lachlan. Maybe as fast as duBois, which is really fuckin'' impressive. He''s not faster than Larry, and definitely not faster than Murder Mittens or Miasma Lightning. He''d reffed for Hildegarde and I, not to mention getting manhandled by her, so he worked his reach advantage as much as he could. I mostly pulled my punches, because I wasn''t there to hurt either of them. Hell, I wasn''t there to beat either of them. I was there to teach them. So I much like with Hildegarde I kept up a running commentary about his technique. Right up until something I said pissed him off. I still don''t really remember what it was, just some ongoing stream of consciousness critique.


    Wait, no, I just remembered. "No wonder Cadet Hildegarde''s so pissed at you if that''s the hardest you can slap it. I think Sister Siobhan''s nipped my nips harder than that."


    Okay, yeah, I was tryna piss him off. Not just because it''s my general operating procedure in combat, but because if he''s gonna lose his shit, better to do it with me than with someone he''s gonna actually hurt, or someone who might hurt him in return. He came in, hard, and woke up mostly on the ground. I''d been nice and knelt down to let him rest his head on my thighs. Mostly because I didn''t remember doing that particular anime chick trope before. I mean, I''d had Saffron do it with me, definitely, but I hadn''t done it, so, fuck it, I ruffled his hair and said, "Let that be a lesson, Cadet. Anger can put some serious heat behind your hits, but it also makes you sloppy, not to mention stupid."


    Weird, their second match of the day, which wound up being the final one between the two of them, was way less hyper violent mutual destruction and way more intellectual. Their witty banter wasn''t anywhere up to my normal standards, but if Hildegarde''s wound up being mostly threats of bloody dismemberment, Citron''s constant accusation of her flirting with him definitely pushed her buttons. By the end of the day I wound up praising both of them. Him for finding something to throw her off her game, and her for remaining coherent rather than going full on berserk.


    Got home vaguely proud of myself. Murder Mittens seemed to agree, as did Siobhan. Both of them flirted shamelessly through dinner, shower, and Bath, and the follow through on that flirting definitely left me sleepy and happy deep into the night.


    Woke up earlier than I normally do on a day off.


    Dad? You and Mom have some time to talk today?


    Of course, Daughter. Did you want to come now, or...?


    I know Mom''s got, uh, duties, and I don''t want to interrupt anything.


    He laughed into my brain. Fondly, even though I''d just been talking about his mandated ''torture''. Come over after you break your fast?


    Thanks. Mind if I bring the fam?


    Sigyn would torture me for true if I said no. Of course.


    After breakfast I convinced Saffron and Siobhan to Co-Locate for the day; honestly with a whole fuckin'' team dedicated to me straightening my head out, some of them being a little distracted probably wasn''t a terrible thing.


    The moment we got there Sigyn wound up under a pile of girls. Even Maze, Alex, and Lindsey, who normally were a little more reserved when it came to touchy feely hugs and things, joined in on the ''hug Siggy into submission'' pile. Saffron smiled at where Sigyn''s face barely poked out from where Menace had wrapped herself around Sigyn''s head and said, "so the Goddess of Victory is defeated?"


    Sigyn''s smile was absolutely beatific. "This, daughter-in-law, is absolutely what Victory looks like."


    I put a mental pin in to remind me that she still had kids who needed to come see her, then helped Loki settle his table in place while Mister Slither collected the smaller kids for a ride across the ceiling, and Sigyn chatted with the older girls about what they''d been up to.


    "You... seem almost entirely undamaged," Loki said as he ran his hands over me, a quick bit of light Soul Massage.


    I laughed. "Thanks, Dad. Almost like you expect me to self-destruct every minute of every day."


    "Of course not," he scoffed. "That would leave no time for you to come here and beg me to mitigate the worst of your self inflicted wounds."


    I flipped up to my feet on the table and leaned in to hug him. My arms barely spanned his chest, and I could feel how gently he held me when he returned the hug, but right then, right there, I think I understood what Sigyn meant.


    "Thanks, Dad. You''re the best."


    "I know."

 Day Five Hundred And Ninety

    Dear Diary,


    Sometimes I kinda wonder if I''m a sex addict. Not even joking at this point, although I''m not saying it''s something I wouldn''t joke about if I got the right shaped bug up my ass about it. But then, it''s not exactly a simple subject, either.


    First there''s the whole idea of ''addiction''. So much wrapped up in that, and so many of my classmates back in the day put so much effort into trying to explain away any possibility that they might be. I mean, I''m not a doctor or anything, but even a quick bit of research back then got me a shit ton of conflicting information on it. Of course all the neo-Puritan bullshit about it being a sign of weak character. Obviously all the ''twelve step program'' shit, which I never trusted because it harped so much on the ''God'' thing. Yeah, I''ll get to the elephant in the room on that one in a bit. But then all the scientific research pointing to addiction being evidence of self-medication for some kind of dopamine or serotonin imbalance. Y''know, Anxiety, Depression, Bi-Polar, all that good shit. One of the bits that always got me was how researchers had discovered that self-righteous assholes get dopamine hits from looking down on other people, just like all bullies do. When I read an article about how you can''t ''break'' addictions, only replace them, the whole ''replace alcohol with being self-righteous'' made a whole lot more sense.


    Now, don''t get me wrong, I knew some decent people who''d put their lives back together with shit like AA, and if it worked for them without them becoming a raging asshole, good on them. But for every one of those I knew, I knew two or more bible thumpers who seemed to have way too much time spent looking for reasons to look down on other people. Which, as noted, is a fuckin'' addiction, just like bullying, if you define addiction as ''shit you do to make the dopamine flow''. Which seems to be at least a working hypothesis at this point. My information is, obviously, a little out of date.


    But here''s the thing, if you define addiction that way, then anti-depressants are kind of inherently an addiction, right? Like, while you''re taking them, you get that serotonin, you get that dopamine, you get appropriate amounts of endorphins at appropriate times. You can function almost like a normal healthy adult person, maybe. I guess if you get lucky and get the exact right dose of everything, you could function exactly like a healthy adult, because other than the anti-depressant ''addiction'', you''d be one. So defining it that way might be technically correct, but it''s also a little bit useless, amirite?


    The big problem with addicts isn''t that they put a foreign substance into them. It''s that they wind up focusing so much on getting their next dose it completely overrides anything like maintaining an actual life. They''ll do anything, hurt anyone, just so long as they get that next sweet hit of dopamine or dopamine substitute.


    So I guess I''m not. I mean, yeah, my ladies and I do the horizontal mambo whenever we can, however we can, occasionally with whoever we can, but it''s not like we neglect our responsibilities for it. To each other, to our kids, to our people. Shit, that last one''s pretty fuckin'' broad, too. I kinda wonder if Grandmother''s Village counts for me now. Shit, I think it might, even if they''re not, like, part of the Alliance or anything. But they''re good people. Also the, ah, diplomatic exchanges have been successful.


    Yeah, okay, I''m definitely wondering about this because while I got a workout today, very little of it wound up being in the Practice Yard. Okay, none of it. Okay, all of it was in the Bedroom. But seriously, what the fuck else am I supposed to do when Saffron tells me she''s invited Silk and the boys over for some after lights out fun?


    Really hilarious thing, watching Silk, Lachlan, and Carruthers eyeing one another up. Okay, Lachlan and Carruthers have obviously come to an understanding, what with Lachlan giving Carruthers what amounts to free rein in the Ladies'' Quarters at Lancaster House, under pretty much the same rules he himself follows. Present as a hot, polite, available gentleman in an apartment building full of straight, bored, possibly pent up Ladies and be pleasant and attentive when one or more of them take you up on your implicit offer. Okay, yeah, it only works if you''re reasonably attractive, but when there''s no major threats to the safety of their charges Heroes don''t have much to do except work out and preen, so that''s not that much of an issue.


    But when we all hit the Bath for some after dinner soaking, the three of them took the opportunity while showering to check each other out. Despite my fevered imaginings, not in the yaoi sense. More like strange dogs sniffing each other''s asses. Even though they kept their voices low, the acoustics in the Bath are pretty good at carrying voices, and my ladies and I were absolutely listening in. Also, Marie has some freaky good hearing, and we all kinda piggy backed on her audio.


    Silk opened up with, "I am Hair Like Corn Silk. My friends call me Silk. Are you more of Tabitha Diaz'' Cadets?"


    Lachlan barked out a laugh while Carruthers just kinda shrugged and nodded. "I''m a Phileo Hero, by the grace of Tabitha herself. I''d have been dead long since without her intervention. Lachlan Lancaster. I''d say at your service, but I suspect that''s why the Imperator invited the two of us tonight."


    Silk''s face fell a little at that, but he tried to contain his disappointment. Didn''t do a half bad job; if I hadn''t been watching for it I wouldn''t have noticed. "Ah. Well, I suppose Tabitha and her wives didn''t invite me for that reason then."


    Lachlan snorted. "Have you met them? That is absolutely why they invited you and us." When Silk looked a little doubtful, Lachlan leaned over and said, "seriously, I think the first time we spent the evening with them, they kept going after Linus and I passed out from exhaustion." Silk looked over at the four of us, and I grinned and gave them a little wave. "C''mon, let''s get a soak in. I''ll introduce you to my son Liam; he''s the blond playing with the girls there."


    Hilarious watching those three big hunks of prime beef playing with little kids in the bath tub. Maybe a little nerve wracking when Alex stared just a little longer than a mom might have liked at the three of them. Might need to have another talk about Consent and other important things at some point in the future. Then again, it might just be three big Heroic lookin'' dudes, because Lachlan was the real deal, and if Silk wasn''t straight up heavier than Lachlan the way Carruthers was, he had that same tall, broad shouldered thing going on. Not that any of them treated the girls as anything but kids, but the right time to have that kind of talk is well before any actual potential partners roll around, not six months after they''ve started fucking behind your back.


    Eventually we all took a kid or two down to bed. Even Lachlan carried Liam down once he got sleepy, tucking him in with all our girls, just another kid in the warm pile of them.


    When we got back to the Bath, Silk floated over to us. "So, are my new friends right? Do you lovely ladies desire our company this night?"


    Siobhan shook her head. "I''ll pass. Someone should stay with the children, after all."


    You can watch, or just play with us while we take our turns with them if you like, Ice Pop.


    She smiled at me and replied while kissing me. Thank you, Tabitha, but I really am the most mortal of us. I need my sleep more than any of you three. Then she stood up, nodded to the boys, and said, "have a nice night, gentlemen," before stepping down to bed down with the kids.


    To his credit, Silk looked genuinely worried rather than any other kind of upset. "Did I say something wrong?"


    Saffron floated over to him. "No. She''s just not interested in men that way."


    "Oh. Sh..." Not sure what he intended to say, because Saffron interrupted him with some mouth to mouth. That kicked off a... not a ''wild night''. I mean, yeah, when we realized that some things are just better in a Bed and moved to the Bedroom there was some definite asymmetrical warfare going on, but most of the night wound up being surprisingly quiet. Intense, yeah, but mostly the kind of quiet intensity of people focused on who and what they''re doing. When the sun loomed over the horizon, Saffron, who''d insisted on me being in boy mode at that particular juncture, because some well intentioned dumbass who shall remain nameless to protect his son who was sleeping with our daughters at the time suggested she might be ''too little for three'', so of course my Kitten needed to prove that four was clearly within her capabilities.


    The views in the mirrors were absolutely fuckin'' incredible.


    The boys all kinda flagged more or less at the same time. Points to Silk for hanging in with a Hero and a slab of pure muscle like Carruthers. Also points to Silk for cuddling with Marie when he got sleepy. Before I fell asleep myself I checked out the six of us in the mirror. Surprisingly attractive for being so post-coital sweaty. Also surprisingly wholesome for some of the really freaky stuff I knew we''d gotten up to during the last go round.


    While Marie took the boys and the Cadets back home and our guests took the opportunity to say farewells to the women they''d stayed with for most of the weekend, I pulled Alex aside, stepping the two of us up to my little mountaintop shack.


    You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.


    "Hey, kiddo."


    "Yes, Mama? Did I do something wrong again?"


    I laughed and ruffled her hair. "Nah. Just noticed something and wanted to talk to you about it." I schooled my face to ''supportive, caring Mom'' and looked her right in the eye. "You didn''t do anything wrong at all. Not even a little. As far as I know, nobody did. Got it?"


    She nodded. "So why...?"


    I smiled like I''d decided to share a secret. Which, y''know, maybe I kinda had. "I saw you looking at the men last night." Her eyes got a little wide, that sort of nascent guilt that somebody gets when they don''t know why what they''ve done is wrong, but they''re expecting some kind of consequences. I lay a hand against her jaw. "It''s okay, Alex. They are pretty nice to look at, and it''s not like they were hiding anything."


    She gave me a bit of a weird look when I said ''nice to look at'', which lifted a weight off my mind. Not that talk, at least. "Mama?"


    "Yeah, kiddo?"


    She thought about her question for a long moment. "Do all Heroes have to look like that?" When I tilted my head, she explained, "all hard muscles like those three and," here she poked my bicep, which didn''t even budge or deform as her finger pressed at it. "you?"


    I thought about it for a moment. Thought about the Heroes I''d seen, had known. After a few moments one in particular came to mind, and I had my answer. "Not all of us, no. Hero Potami isn''t bulky like the three of us. I think Larry will probably wind up a Hero at some point, and you''ve seen him. He''s kinda wiry, yeah, but he''s not a meathead like me and the guys last night." She visibly relaxed. "Heck, you know another Hero, and she absolutely isn''t bulky or wiry even. Not to look at."


    "Who?"


    "Saffron."


    Her eyes got real wide at that. "Really?"


    "Yep. She''s a bona fide Hero of Phileo."


    "But. I thought she was the Imperator?"


    I nodded. "Yep. Imperator. Hero. High Priestess. Archmage. She''s got a lot of Titles going on. But yeah, it''s possible to be a Hero and go the whole brains over brawn route like her. Although..."


    "What?"


    "Well, first of all I don''t think you''d really enjoy that. You''re a little like me." She subconsciously puffed up at that. "If someone''s in danger, you want to get in there with your hands and make it right. Also... Saffron looks kinda squishy, right?" She nodded. "She can lift Lachlan."


    "No!"


    I nodded, trying to keep the specifics of that particular bit of acrobatics out of my head and its affect on me off my face. "Yep. I mean, I don''t think she''s actually stronger than him or anything, but she''s way stronger than she looks. Even Larry and Potami are in good shape. So you don''t have to be a big bulky sort like me and the men from last night, but you do have to exercise, keep yourself in good shape, and maybe if you''re going to be an in-your-face kind of Hero, push yourself to be as strong and fast and tough as you can."


    She thought about that for like half a second before she said, "how do I do that?"


    I realized where I was supposed to be today and said, "you want me to show you?" She nodded like her head was gonna come off. "Okay then. I''ve got some stuff I need to do this morning, taking the hunters back home and making sure everything''s okay with their village. But... how about after lunch I take you to the Practice Yard and show you some ways to work out, to exercise, to get yourself in the kind of shape you need to be in to have your best shot at the Academy?"


    "You''d do that? For me?"


    I ruffled her hair again. "Of course! I''m your Mama too, right?"


    Full body kid hugs are surprisingly good at beating back depression too. Who knew?


    Of course, I wound up with one more surprise this morning. I stepped the hunters back to Grandmother''s place, and while the women in the room started belaboring Silk about his general Silkness and the chores that left undone, I noticed Panther looking a little melancholy. I nodded for him to step into the entryway, nodding a sort of mixed greeting and farewell to Grandmother and getting one in return.


    "What''s up?"


    He chuckled. "That obvious?"


    "I mean, yeah, kinda. I''m not the most observant person in the world, and even I can see something''s bothering you."


    He still paused. "I''m... I don''t want to give offense."


    I shrugged. "You got plans to hurt one of my kids? One of my people?"


    "No!"


    "Then I''m prolly not gonna be offended. Seriously. I know I fucked up a couple Dire Bears and that kaiju deer, but I''m generally pretty easygoing when somebody''s not tryna hurt me or mine."


    He hemmed and hawed for a couple moments, then shook his head and muttered, "just spit it out, dumbass," before looking me in the eye and saying, "I''m envious of Silk."


    My jaw dropped a little as I realized. "Oh. Uh. Last night?" He nodded. "You''re not talking about Lachlan and Carruthers, are you?"


    He snorted. "I suppose I''m envious of them too?"


    I thought about it for like half a second, looking him up and down. He wasn''t Silk or Lachlan, but let''s face it, neither am I. Those two are fuckin'' Hollywood nines at least. Maybe Hollywood tens. I was a Hollywood seven at best before I got all scarred and fucked up. We''re not even gonna go into the fact that my own kid saw me as more jacked than three slabs of beefcake. Then I thought about the night before, and my plans for the day. I was satisfied, but lets face it, it takes a lot more than one night at this point to get me to satiated. If he were a snack, I could eat.


    Okay, he wasn''t a Morimoto''s entr¨¦e, but he was a young guy with an outdoor job that kept him fit. The more I looked at him, the more he really did look like a snack. At that point he blushed and said, "sorry I mentioned it."


    I caught his arm as he turned away. "Don''t be. Not offended. Even a little. You got anywhere to be today?"


    "Uh."


    "People gonna talk in some way you care about if you disappear for the rest of the morning?"


    He blinked. "Are you... serious?"


    Ladies? Bedroom please? I stepped the pair of us there, flopping my butt onto the foot of the bed as I did. As the ladies arrived, I looked up at him. "Yeah. Yeah, I am." I looked around the room, pointedly drawing his attention to Saffron and Marie. "So... who first?"


    "First?"


    I was a mature adult woman, not to mention a Goddess who valued Agency. I wasn''t gonna be upset just because he wasn''t up for everybody in the room. Which, let''s face it, I was only third if somebody had a thing against fuzzy people. "I mean, if you''re not up for more than one, nobody''s forcing you into anything. I mean, Siobhan''s not on the table..."


    "Not for him," she muttered, looking right at me.


    I rolled my eyes. "But, y''know, I''m not jealous. None of us are. Fuck, if you''re not up to getting it up while the others watch, you name a name and the others will give you the room."


    He just kinda stammered for a second before saying, "I. Ah. I don''t mean to offend any of you."


    Saffron purred out, "you won''t, so long as you''re honest with us."


    He turned back to me. "You seem awfully eager to hand me to one of your women. Did you not want to...?"


    "Wait, what? Me?" He nodded. "You mean you''ve got her as an option," I pointed at Saffron, and when his gaze reflexively followed where I pointed, banished her clothes to reveal those curves for days. "Not to mention her," I did the same with Siobhan, who squeaked a little, "c''mon, Ice Pop, if he had some kind of thing for petite blondes," I Mimicked her, "that could be arranged without you having to take one for the team." I shook my head and did the same with Marie. "I mean, she was literally made to fuck. And... me?"


    He turned back to me and nodded, looking a little sheepish.


    "Me? Really? I dropped the Mimicking and banished the Cadet uniform I''d been wearing. "This? I waved at a random patch of scars. "Seriously? Despite what it looks like, I''m not into blood play or pain or anything."


    "Liar." Saffron muttered.


    "Not, like, as my go-to. I''m really a pretty vanilla, meat and potatoes, cock in vagina kind of girl."


    He whimpered a little, and reached down to adjust himself. "I was going to say something about not being sure if I could while being watched, but right at this moment I don''t think it''s an issue."


    "You look a little uncomfortable. Is it them?" He shook his head. "Me? What then?"


    "Pants."


    "Oh. You want I should...?" I pointed my finger at his general crotch region. He nodded, and I banished his clothes as well. I giggled. Before he could take offense, I slipped forward until my hips barely rested on the foot of the bed, close enough to feel the warmth of him. "Sorry. Math teacher once said ''if something is sticking out at right angles to something else, it''s per-pen-DICK-u-lar. Really stuck with fucking hell Panther put that thing to use before it explodes."


    He did. Weirdest thing. Bell most definitely not rung, but did not care in the slightest, because that was one of the most intense bursts of close range Worship I can remember. "Sorry, Tabitha Diaz."


    I chuckled. "Call me Tabitha. Fuck, I''m pretty sure you could get away with ''Tabs'' or something else at this point. Easier to gasp out right in the middle there."


    He blushed, looking down, then realized where he was looking, blushed again, and looked back into my eyes. "I can''t possibly have satisfied you with that."


    I wasn''t really in the mood to talk about Goddessing and Worship, so I went with honestly. "Yeah, well. I am in a very unique position to know you''re ready to take another shot at it."


    "You wouldn''t mind?"


    I put my arms around his neck, shot him the smokiest of eyes, and said, "take all the time and tries you need, Panther. Even if I didn''t get to my destination, I sure as fuck enjoyed the ride."


    Down side, I did not get lunch today. Up side, I did not need it in the slightest. Do not underestimate a man who literally worships his partner, even a partner of the moment. After round four, between exhaustion and a small collection of new ''grabbed him too hard'' bruises, scratches, and one bite mark on his shoulder already starting to bruise, he was kinda done. On the other hand, so the fuck was I. Word salad achieved. He even got a quiet round of applause and kudos from the ladies, which had him blushing but proud.


    "You ready to head home now?"


    "Was hoping to sleep. With you," he panted out.


    I gave him a mock confused look. "Didn''t we just do that?" I chuckled and gave him a very intimate kind of hug as he blinked. "No, really, I''ve got some things I need to do, But... I could stay here while I do them." I pulled his head down onto my chest. "If you''re okay with me being awake, while you sleep here."


    The only answer I got was a quiet hum and the low, steady breathing of somebody who''d already fallen asleep.


    Sorry, ladies. Didn''t mean to interrupt your day and then make you sit on the sidelines.


    Are you kidding, love? This seat was made for watching, and all three of us are still at work. This provided very pleasant entertainment during an otherwise boring work day.


    I mean, Siobhan prolly wasn''t into it.


    Ice Pop''s mental voice wasn''t exactly what you''d call completely calm and collected. Oh. But they were. Into me. I mean, it. Very entertaining. No complaints. Would, uh, watch again.


    I chuckled quietly, running my hand down Panther''s unbound hair ever so gently, to let him sleep.


    So I spent the afternoon cradling my newest Worshipper while he slept, and showing my newest proto-Cadet the basics of calisthenics, stretching, and weight training.


    Good day. As the man said, didn''t even have to use my AK.

 Day Five Hundred And Ninety-One

    Dear Diary,


    There are things that seemed so important back in the day that don''t any more. Some of them are really kinda obvious, like my fuckin'' gamerscore. Nobody here and now is going to give the slightest shit about my ranking in League. My credit rating is entirely a non-issue.


    Some other stuff isn''t specifically important, but some of the concepts still mean something. Shit like politics. Nobody here and now gives the slightest shit whether I supported Republicans or Democrats or any other flavor of politician. But the basic idea of politics being a thing is still real. Fuck, with me creating the Alliance, politics have gone from something super local, like within a single City, to an inter-City thing. Before I hear anything about the Cities not being in a constant state of warfare before that, they might not have been at war, but they weren''t in any way part of the same power structure. Not really. So anything between Cities before now was diplomacy, not politics.


    As a reminder for the hard of thinking like myself, diplomacy is not actually the fine art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip. Even if that is a funny way to describe it. No, as my History teacher once put it, diplomacy is the fine art of dealing with people who should be your enemies as if they were your friends. Talking to them like people. Dealing with them in good faith. Basically interacting with them like they''re your friends, with the end goal being them forgetting that they''re not.


    Politics is the opposite of that.


    No, seriously, everything I ever remember seeing from political parties back in the day wound up being, in some way, some rich asshole telling a group of people they had nothing in common with that some other group that they had everything in common with was the ones responsible for everything wrong with the world. From what my History teacher told me, at some point way back in the mid-twentieth century, the rich assholes got told to sit their asses down and shut the fuck up and enjoy being rich, and lo and behold everybody else wound up with some kind of golden age, because everybody involved was more or less tryna make shit better for everybody else. Then, again according to a History teacher, only this time in my senior History class, in the late sixties the rich fuckers got their shit together and decided to fuck over everybody who wasn''t them, and the economy has just gotten shittier since then.


    I was going somewhere with that. Anyway, yeah, basically the difference being diplomacy is treating enemies like friends, politics is treating friends like enemies. That''s just one brown street girl''s opinion on things, but fuck it, that''s who I am inside.


    Back to here and now, Saffron is totally about treating anybody who''s not at war with us as friends. Shit, I think we definitely sent the village hunters home feeling friendly toward us. Politics... I''m not sure what she does is really politics. Maybe it is. Honestly, if she''s tryna make sure everybody has food, shelter, and whatever else they need to live, I''m down for it.


    But the whole reason I started talking about this is that after spending all afternoon working with Alex yesterday, I took her home and saw David looking kinda depressed. Not sure why, but the tutu on my girliest girl''s ballerina onesie had lost some of its starch.


    I swept in and pulled both of us up to what I increasingly thought of as my ''office'', the little shack atop the Bore. Oddly enough, it wasn''t nearly as cold as I''d worried it would be, mostly due to a constant warm updraft from the Bore itself.


    "Hey, kiddo. What''s got you down?"


    David looked up at me, then back down at the floor. "Dunno."


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    "You know I wanna help, right?"


    A big honkin'' sigh, then, "I don''t know if you can."


    I shrugged. "Neither do I until you tell me what the problem is."


    It took a bit, but finally the words leaked out. "The man the other night... Silk?" I nodded. "He reminded me of my dad."


    I pulled my kid in for a hug. "Do you miss him?"


    "Yeah. A little. Sometimes."


    I realized I definitely needed to get some furniture up here if this was gonna be my go to semi-private kid counseling spot. "Is that what''s got you down?"


    A quick headshake. "No. No, I don''t think... Am I gonna look like that?"


    I suddenly realized what might be bugging my little girly girl. "Do you want to look like that?" A quick, almost horrified headshake. "Okay. Do you know what you want to look like?" A shrug. "Do you wanna look like me?"


    David looked at everyplace but me, then breathed out, "no."


    "Do you wanna look like Larry? Lucas'' dad?" Headshake. "What about Lachlan? Liam''s dad?" An even sharper headshake. "What about Saffron?"


    "Maybe?"


    "Okay, how about Siobhan?" That just got a bit of a frown. "You want to look like Marie?"


    That got a laugh. "I couldn''t look like her! She''s all furry!"


    I leaned in real close. "Didn''t ask what you thought you could look like. Asked what you wanted to look like. You tell me, I''ll take care of the rest."


    "Really?"


    I rolled my eyes, but not in a mean way. Then I Mimicked my girliest girl. "Have you not twigged to the fact that I''m a shapeshifter yet?"


    "Yeah, but that''s you!"


    I flexed my will, granting David the Boon of Shapeshifting. Then the Boon of Mimicry. Then reached in and pushed at it; a moment later I sat in David''s lap, only with David looking like Marie.


    Her eyes got real, real big. "I... but... really!"


    "Is this what you want to look like? Who you want to be?"


    Funny watching Marie''s face make all kinds of really weird David faces. I realized right then that David''s defining characteristic to this point might have been those expressions, those tentative, hesitant expressions that told me that no matter what went on, nothing was ever quite right in David''s world. I thought maybe I''d finally figured out why.


    "So, you gonna stay like that?"


    "How, uh..."


    "Just think of yourself like yourself."


    A moment later I had my David back. Okay, mostly. Something had changed, I''m not sure what, but the girliest girl to ever girl had just gotten even girlier somehow. "Okay, so here''s the deal. You want to look like you, right?"


    "Yeah."


    "Do you look like you now? Do you feel like you now?"


    "Yeah!"


    I reversed what I''d done, slipping those Boons back away from her. Because anybody looking that girly had to be a her. "Okay then. If you ever get worried about not feeling or looking like yourself again, you just tell me, and we can do this again."


    She looked up at me with the weirdest mix of shy and sly. "But what if I decide I want to look different and you''re not around?"


    I chuckled. "Yeah, not quite, kiddo. Way too much mischief potential for a girl your age."


    I''d never seen her look quite so... I dunno, joyous. She leapt up and threw her arms around my neck. "Thank you, Mama."


    I hugged her back, asking, "isn''t Marie Mama?"


    "Can''t I have two Mamas?"


    I smiled at her. "Of course you can, kiddo."


    "What about three Mamas?"


    I shrugged. "I guess you can call Saffron Mama too, if that''s what you want. Gonna be confusing some times, but I''m not stopping you."


    Her grin got positively Tricksterish, and she said, "what about four Mamas?"


    I snorted. "What, you''re gonna call Siobhan Mama too or something?" She didn''t say anything, she just grinned at me. "Oh, shit, this I gotta see. You have my explicit permission to have four Mamas, just for that."


    We hopped back down to dinner giggling almost in unison. When we went up to the Bath afterward, as we all grabbed up a kid or two to scrub down before getting in the Bath, David dashed over to Siobhan, grabbed her by one hand, and said, "I want you to help me, Mama!"


    I am very glad I was watching so close and that I can Translocate, because that''s the only way I managed to get over to her before she hit the floor. I Stabilized her awake, but before either of us could say anything, David leaned in, laying one hand on Siobhan''s face. "I''m sorry, Mama. I didn''t mean to hurt you."


    As Ice Pop lay there in my arms gawping and grinning at the girliest girl ever to girl, I said, "I don''t think she''s hurt. Just a little surprised. Right? Mama Siobhan?"


    I dunno which was more adorable, watching David help Siobhan up, or watching how the two of them were attached at the hip for the rest of the night.


    Okay, the most adorable thing was definitely seeing what euphoria looked like after so long watching dysphoria keep my little girl from smiling.

 Day Five Hundred And Ninety-Two

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, it''s been so long since I was actually in class as a student, I almost forgot I was supposed to go this morning.


    That''s a sign of me growing up some if there ever was one. On top of signing up for an actual class, not because I had to take it to get my Hero status and the fame, wealth, and power that comes with it and makes my nethers all tingly, but because there''s stuff all Heroes are supposed to know and I don''t, I also am not taking every opportunity to cut said class. Okay, yeah, I cut the days where Siobhan was teaching, but that wasn''t me tryna skip class. That was me knowing the subject matter for those days already, and not wanting to give up putting my favorite Ice Pop in my mouth for weeks on end just to get a completely meaningless perfect attendance score.


    Seriously, I''m going to class to learn, not to get a particular grade or even to pass it to graduate. How fuckin'' weird is that? I think I did that with a class or two back in the day, but those were always classes I thought of as ''fun'' or ''interesting''. Now I''m wondering if I had that shit backwards, and the classes I thought of as ''fun'' were the ones that I was actually learning something that I didn''t already know, or something I couldn''t find easier and faster online.


    So yesterday I pretty much just noodled around doing nothing much at all. Playing with the kids, helping Marie out in the kitchen, both at the Academy and the Homestead, playing seat cushion for my Kitten while she tinkered with her new Inspect. Just kinda chillin'' like a villain. Even if I''m pretty sure I''m not one. Not in any kind of objective sense, at least. I get it, everybody''s the hero in their own story, and everybody''s the villain in somebody else''s story. But there are some folks who are just fuckin'' downright villainous, to the point where everybody paying the slightest bit of attention is entirely boggled how they haven''t been torn into little tiny pieces by a pitchfork and torch wielding crowd yet. I''m almost entirely certain that if any mobs come after me, it''ll be for my Murder Mitten''s awesome chili, since I''m pretty sure most of the Alliance has had some of that by now.


    At any rate, I got home and had some fun playing with the kids in the Bath. Mostly doing the ''big bad kaiju Mama'' thing, swimming along the bottom of the Bath, then popping up to blow raspberries on bellies. There may have been a couple small tentacles involved when they all teamed up to slay the Mama beast, with Ria and Alex leading the charge. Gotta hand it to Lindsey, though; I did not even realize she''d snuck behind me until the backs of my knees hit her where she knelt behind me. Once my ass hit the bottom, my little pony girl held me down while the rest of them went to town doing their best to tickle me. After a couple minutes of that, I surged up out of the Bath long enough to shout, "oh, noes! I am defeated!" Then I plunged backward into the Bath again, doing my best ''I''m a dead bitch'' pose. Kept my eyes closed, though, because the hot water didn''t feel nearly as good on them as it did on my scars.


    Got rewarded for tiring all the kids out and getting them absolutely ready for going right to sleep by my ladies doing the same for me. Dreamt of my lovely ladies, Karen and Tallulah included, having a tea party at a little table floating in the middle of the Maw.


    Slept late. Okay, late for me. After getting a waffle made special for me by my Murder Mittens, hopped over to the Academy right near the end of breakfast, totally intending to steal something from the kitchen and head back home after a quick confab with Headmaster Miles.


    This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.


    "Good Morning, Headmaster!"


    He swallowed his most recent bite of bacon after chewing it thoroughly, obviously in no particular hurry. I wasn''t either, so I just waited until he said, "good morning, Champion. Did you need something?"


    I shrugged. "Just wanted to let you know that we didn''t find the source of the Dire Bears."


    He nodded. "The Cadets told me as much upon returning."


    "I''m thinking we head out next week and see if we can spot something."


    "You''re willing to go on a third recon in force with the Cadets this month?"


    I shrugged. "Until we find the source of those things or they stop wandering down so often, I think I''d better keep looking."


    "I''ll have the Cadets ready first thing Monday then." After a pause where I tried to think of a polite way to say ''you gonna eat that'' about his remaining bacon, he said, "will you be attending class today?"


    "Oh, shit. Sorry. Gotta go!" I''m not sure if he noticed me swiping one of the bacon slices, but I stepped to the classroom before he could react.


    Doc Roberts and Doc DeLeon stood there at the front of the class. They looked at each other, then back at me, then back at each other. Doc DeLeon just stepped backward and waved Doc Roberts forward. For their part, Doc Roberts just shook their head and sighed. "Good Morning Tabitha. We weren''t sure we''d see you today."


    I slipped into the closest empty seat to the front, putting on my best innocent look. "Aw, c''mon, Doc! I only skipped the last few because I already know Cure Disease and Heal Injury."


    Somebody behind me with a suspiciously familiar voice said, "shagging."


    I laughed, turned halfway back to where Sarah slouched, grinning at me, and said, "well, yeah, that too. You blame me, though?"


    The class laughed, and I turned back to the Docs. "Seriously, though. I knew those spells and didn''t want to disrupt Sister Siobhan too much during class."


    "You could have just not done..." Doc Roberts stopped, then facepalmed.


    "Remember who you''re talking to all of a sudden?"


    "Yes. Yes, I did. Well then. I''m still uncertain why you''re here this morning. You seem to have a firm grasp of the first Shape of the day already."


    I blinked, "Uh, what Shape would that be?"


    Doc Roberts nodded to Doc DeLeon, who said, "this morning I''ll be demonstrating a Shape called Private Message. It''s similar to the Direct Message Shape, but is much harder to intercept or detect. Essentially, it can function as direct mind-to-mind communication."


    "Well, shit, why haven''t we heard of this one before now?"


    Doc DeLeon just rolled his eyes at me. "Despite you using it more or less constantly? It requires a great deal of familiarity with your target, or a great deal of Mana. We''ve added it to the curriculum at the Imperator''s suggestion, since long distance communication seems to be far more important for the Alliance than it was for Phileo."


    "I do what?"


    The class laughed a little, and Doc DeLeon said, "for those of us with more ability to sense and ferret out the purpose of Mana Shapes, it''s clear you''ve been using that Shape or a similar one with the Imperator for quite some time."


    "Oh. Uh. I guess? Maybe? I still don''t know the Shape, though." I sat upright, folded my hands in front of me, and said, "I''m ready and eager to learn, though!"


    That got a laugh out of the class. Doc DeLeon just rolled with my absurd bullshit and demonstrated the Shape. It was at the same time both incredibly familiar and totally foreign. Like, total deja vu on watching him do it. Partnered up with Sarah again when it came time to practice. I managed to get the Shape right on the first try. Amazing how much being able to see the fuckin'' Shape the instructor is making helps.


    Speaking of seeing things, Doc Roberts introduced another new Shape to the curriculum after lunch. This time it wasn''t something added because of the Alliance, though. Instead, he taught us a Shape called ''Mana Analysis'', which let us see Shapes being cast in intricate detail, not to mention a weird kind of slow motion thing. Mana Analysis was a new Shape, one of Doc Roberts'' own creation, replacing the Shape that had previously been taught during the class, which was called ''Enhanced Sight''.


    Guess my Kitten''s started a new trend.

 Day Five Hundred And Ninety-Three

    Dear Diary,


    It''s so weird being able to see Mana. It''s hard to describe what it''s like seeing it, although by now I''ve got three, maybe four different ways of seeing it, and each of them is different. So maybe it''s not just my ability to describe shit failing, but Mana being weird in and of itself.


    The first way I saw it was by Shaping it, of course. A brilliant line of scintillating energy in the air, at an intensity that ought to be blinding but somehow wasn''t. Like, arc welder intensity. In case you''re wondering, Eastside used to have a shop class, and one day I cut class and snuck in, and it turns out the class was cut so quickly that nobody ever cleared the place out. That meant there was an arc welding machine just sitting there, mostly ready to use. They even had those stick things to go in it. Amazing what you can find how to videos for online. But that''s what my Shaping reminds me of; that brilliant scintillating light that somehow doesn''t blind anybody or cast any shadows. Well, it doesn''t blind me, and doesn''t cast shadows that I can see. Or remember.


    That''s one of the weirdest things about Mana, I think. Most of the people who describe it describe it as light. Even Saffron, when she''s talking about dark Mana, isn''t talking about not-light, but about some kind of dark light. Heh. Kinda would be funny if she popped out a Mana Blade of Dark mana and Murder Mittens and Ice Pop started glowing like white tee shirts do under a blacklight. But there are no shadows, no squinting when I look at it. That''s weird, right?


    Although really I''m not sure if that''s true for everybody or just me. I recall when I first saw the ley lines above the school, they looked like kinda heat haze wavery things. Almost like a trick of the light, except they were stable and steady, at least as much as anything that''s flowing. Because they do, they look like they''re flowing. From what I remember of shoving my arm in, they are flowing. Flowing Mana, running through the sky. But everybody else who saw me looking definitely thought I had some kinda issue, because as Saffron described it, looking at ley lines is like staring at the sun. Thing is, when we''re out there standing on the roof, everybody''s got just the one shadow, the one cast by sunlight. So there''s still no shadows from it. Like, there are shadows from the Mana Lamps, but those produce normal light, or I wouldn''t be able to see them, right?


    Y''know, I haven''t actually tried to look at the ley lines while I''m high on Fae Grain. I really ought to do that at some point. Because that''s the third way I''ve been able to see Mana, of course. If I''m dosed up with Fae Grain or anything made out of it, I can see Mana. From what I can tell, I can see it almost like Saffron or Doc Roberts or anybody else who can see it normally. So I''m wondering if I look at a ley line or even my own Mana Blade while I''m high on Fae Grain, or if I''ll wind up blinding myself. That would kinda suck. The Mana Blade thing. Ley lines aren''t exactly common, from what I''ve seen.


    Yesterday I leaned a new way to see mana. Doc Roberts'' new Mana Analysis Shape not only amplifies the details of Mana Shapes and does that weird slowing thing where I can see them forming, see how the Mana twists around itself to rearrange reality into the configuration the Shaper wants it, it also does this weird... I don''t want to call it ''color coding'', because none of the colors are ones I''d normally be able to name or see. Maybe I''m seeing stuff outside the normal visual spectrum, or maybe the colors are just too weirdly presented for my brain to make sense of them. But they''re visible and color coded. Even when I felt my Fae Grain high fading, I could still see them.


    I pulled Doc Roberts aside at the end of class. "Hey, Doc? One last question. If you don''t mind waiting for a little privacy?" They looked really uncomfortable, but nodded. When everybody''d gone, including Doc DeLeon, who gave Doc Roberts one last look to be sure he wasn''t gonna fall apart, I turned to them and asked. "That new Shape of yours. Did you..."


    I paused for long enough that they said, "did I what?"


    "Did you make that for me? So I could see what everybody else could?"


    They smiled and nodded, but said, "not entirely. The initial inspiration was your disability, of course, but once I figured out how to make a real time vision of Mana being Shaped, I added in all the additional effects that make it easier to see how the Mana is interacting. I''d like to think our Advanced Mana Shaping classes may have vastly improved results going forward. But that just might be hubris on my part."


    I''d been standing there, trying to keep myself under control, but something about their self-effacing hopes that their work would not just help others, but help others who would use that to help still more broke something in me. I leapt forward, my arms going around him, tears running from my eyes. "Thank you!"


    Their arms went around me gently, tentatively. "You''re quite welcome, of course. Not that you wound up needing it."


    I pulled back just far enough to stare at him incredulously. "Are you kidding? Yeah, I''ve found ways to work around it. Looking through Saffron''s eyes. That trick you taught her to light up her Mana so I can see the Shapes as she makes them, sort of. Hell, I think I can see them sort of normally when I''m lit on Fae Grain. But this... Look, it doesn''t matter whether I found some other way. It really, really doesn''t. You did this for me." I might have blubbered a little bit. "For me. Shit, yeah, I get it, lots of people do things for me now, but then? Back when i was the fuckup nobody thought was worth anything? You... Shit, I don''t know if you believed in me, or just did it out of kindness. But... for me."


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    I trailed off, and their arms settled around me. "I always believed in you, Tabitha. I had no illusions, or I didn''t think I did. I knew you weren''t an intellectual like me. But you... your unflinching courage, your unthinking willingness to sacrifice yourself for your friends? I knew that someday you would be a Hero."


    I sniffled a little. "Still not one, y''know."


    They leaned into the hug. "I still have faith, Tabitha. Someday, before the end of whatever road life leads you on, you will be in name, as well as in truth. Because truly, whether you have the Title or not, you are one."


    "Thanks, Doc."


    When I got home, I couldn''t wait. I pulled Saffron into my lap at dinner and said, "Kitten, you gotta see what Doc Roberts made for me!"


    She settled in with a soft smile. "What is it? The chair? The table?" When I looked my confusion at her, she said, "I remember the chair he made you when you Soul Burned your arm, and the detector to prove you weren''t dangerous to be around when Shaping." As patently untrue as that is.


    I paused mid-Shape, holding it there. The fuck?


    Not only are you a mistress of any shape likely to cause harm, you''re also... Anyone who''s been around you while you Shaped for any length of time has become far more than they were, you realize?


    I snorted. "Yeah, like that''s me. Look at this though." I finished the Shape, and felt her looking through my eyes.


    "What does it do? Also, I''m impressed you memorized that whole Shape; it''s a genuine Shape, not a call for a Global Spell."


    "Yeah, it''s something new Doc Roberts came up with. Shape something!"


    She waved her hands through the motions for a simple Status, and I heard her gasp when I saw that dark glow following her fingers, taking shape before turning into a Status window hovering there before her face. "That''s... fantastic!"


    "I know, right?"


    Of course, the two of us getting excited brought the kids around, who insisted I show them my new trick. Then insisted we let them try it. After some intense negotiations between Kitten and Menace, I suggested since I had the day off tomorrow we could have another set of lessons.


    So today we all went to Mom and Dad''s place and had another ''teach the horde hoard how to Shape'' day. They practiced what they''d learned before, and each of them took at least one try at the new shape. Most of them didn''t manage it, but none of them hurt themselves.


    Of course, with the Shape in place, I managed to actually catch Menace cheating. Like, Ria managed the Shape with next to no problems. Maze took most of the day, but with some one on one tutoring by Ria, managed it before we were done, which had both of them squealing and hopping around hugging each other. The rest of the girls wound up failing, but all of them actually managed to output some Mana, which Saffron told me hadn''t happened the time before.


    Then, of course, Menace. She wove her hands through the motions, not unlike Ria, and she definitely had the Mana output going on just fine. In spades, really. But she was sloppy, and the whole thing started to fall apart before she squinted at it, frowned, and poured Mana around the whole fuckin'' Shape until it turned into something identical to Ria''s Shape.


    "Dah Da!!"


    I might have let it slide, but then I saw the look on her sister''s faces. "Menace. Do it right."


    She looked a little blubbery at me. "Bud... I god id!"


    I sighed and said, "we''ll be right back," before pulling her along with me to my office. "Not mad at you, Isnomi, but we need to talk."


    "Why?"


    "Because you made your sisters feel bad when they hadn''t done anything wrong."


    She pouted. "I did id."


    I nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, you did, but you still want to learn to do it right, and you don''t want to shove in your sisters'' faces that you''ve got that Divine Goddess magic going on."


    "Why?"


    "Why don''t you want to shove their noses in it, or why do you wanna learn to do it right?"


    She thought about that for a second. "Bowf?"


    I smiled. "Okay then. You don''t want to hurt your sisters'' feelings, right?" She shook her head. "Now, you''re allowed to be you. That''s fine. Your sisters love you for who you are. You make some of them feel safe, because they know you wouldn''t let anybody hurt them. But when you hurt them, it makes it that much worse."


    "Oh."


    "Yeah, oh. Now, you doing it like that? That''s just you being you. But you bragging about it makes them feel like maybe something''s wrong with them. Like maybe they''re not good enough to be your sisters."


    Her face scrunched up. "Dath thilly."


    "Yeah. Maybe it is. It''s also how people are. So... be careful not to hurt their feelings, and more importantly maybe, apologize when you do."


    "Ah Tay!"


    "Now, the reason you want to do it right?" She nodded. "We''re Goddesses. We can just will things to happen, right?" She nodded again. "You''ve seen D''s Avatars, right?" Another nod. "That took him a huge amount of power, of Glory, right?"


    I waited until she said, "Yeth?"


    "Does Marie use that much power?" She shook her head. "Does Grandpa Loki?" Another head shake. "Do I?"


    "No?"


    "Nope, I don''t. So... which of us do you think can make more copies of themselves?"


    Her little face lit up. "Do id ride maketh me throngew!"


    "Yep. Which means you''re even more of a Menace, even better at keeping your sisters and everyone else you love safer."


    She looked at me and solemnly said, "I ged id. I do id ride fom now on."


    I ruffled her hair. "I know you''ll try. I know, just like me, you''ll mess up some times. Just remember that whole ''apologizing and making it right'' part too, okay?"


    "Ah Tay!"


    I stepped us back to the cave, and she immediately went to join her less magically talented her sisters, quietly pulling them aside one by one and apologizing to them. By the end of the day, they were all worn out, but in the best of ways, and all of them were one big happy pack again.


    Her volunteering to be their Stabilize target might have helped some, too.

 Day Five Hundred And Ninety-Four

    Dear Diary,


    Sometimes when I''m teaching my class, especially those times when I''m focused on Citron and Hildegarde, I wonder how much of teaching is just trolling for fun and profit. Like, not in the profit for me sense, but in the benefits for everyone involved sense. Okay, I don''t benefit from it except my ongoing amusement at the sheer amount of brain and willpower they''ll put into fucking with each other, even to their own detriment, but when I can use their own worst impulses to guide them to a place where they can learn, improve, or both, it makes me feel kinda giddy.


    Important point, I think there''s a difference between ''learning'' and ''improving''. The former is an intellectual thing. Not always entirely mental, but something where the brain is actively engaged, where the person gaining Skill sees how they''re gaining skill, is hitting moments where everything just makes sense, or at least how they''re failing and what they need to do to succeed makes sense. The latter is more of a muscle memory, gut instinct kind of thing. Yeah, I talk a lot about learning, but honestly I think I did a shit ton of improving before I ever started learning. Then again, maybe some of what I was doing was ''healing'' more than ''improving''.


    Of course, it''s really just those two that I do that kind of trolling with. The rest of the Cadets I try to be a little more, I dunno, mom-like. I watch them, talk through their difficult spots, and give them what advice I can. It doesn''t always work, but I have yet to see an instance where it actually hurts. So I''m gonna keep tryna do that as long as I can. I feel a little guilty treating my two thorns in my side differently than the rest, but then, they wind up causing more of my headaches than the rest of the class put together.


    So yesterday by the end of the day the kids were absolutely knackered. When we got home Marie had soup for everybody. Warm, filling, easy to eat, doubling down on the whole ''sleepy kids'' thing. Each of us carried a couple sleepy tots upstairs, scrubbed them down in the shower as they complained sleepily, then toweled them dry and carried them down to bed. Of course, the four of us were kinda sleepy ourselves after a day of kid wrangling. So we just snuggled into bed our own selves and went to sleep.


    Dreamt of my ladies playing with crayons and glitter and paste. Yeah, sometimes dreams still get weird.


    Woke up early, which still fucks with me a little bit, but mostly lets me snuggle with Marie before anybody else wakes up. After a while doing that the two of us Translocated to the Dining Hall, where she presented me with my own all I could eat breakfast. I mean that, too, because even once I Co-Located up to start teaching, she kept the food coming. Not sure why I got the special treatment today, but not gonna complain, either.


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    "Okay, last week I had you guys doing the waltz. Pretty basic stuff, as long as the couple dancing know who''s supposed to be leading, and the person supposed to be following follows." That got a kind of pointed chuckle out of the class, even as my two problem children blushed. "This morning we''re gonna do a bit more practice specifically on that leading and following. This afternoon, those of you who have managed to get that down can move on to our next dance, the Tango."


    After a nice brisk hour run, I had the Cadets all stretch properly, then broken them into pairs for dancing the Waltz. Before we started, with Hildegarde and Citron glaring daggers at each other, I called on Vickerson. "C''mon over here and show me what you learned last week."


    I then proceeded to let her lead. After doing that for maybe five minutes, I called out, "switch!" and took over leading. Vickerson took the change like a pro, sliding her hand up to my shoulder as I slid mine down to her hip. We danced another few minutes like that, until I called out, "switch!" again, and we switched back. After another little while, I nudged her and she stopped. We stepped apart, gave each other a little bow, and I turned to the class. "That''s how you do it, ladies and gentlemen."


    At that point I set them to dancing. With the exception of a couple comparatively clumsy Cadets and my pair of ne''er do wells, all of them managed to lead and follow properly. They even managed to switch with minimal clumsiness. As for Citron and Hildegarde, they kinda managed to get it right to begin with, with Citron leading and Hildegarde following, but the moment I told them to switch, they wound up tripping over each other and almost planting themselves into the pavers. I gave them another few tries, but by lunch they still hadn''t managed it.


    After lunch I showed all the ones who managed to get leading and following down the basics of the Tango. I demonstrated with Vickerson again, then left her ''in charge'' of the bulk of the class. Which didn''t so much need someone in charge as much as someone to call out when to switch lead and follow.


    I spent the rest of the day working with the others. One Cadet at a time I danced with them, first following them, then leading them, then switching back again. As I danced with Hildegarde, she growled, "dunno why we have to learn this."


    "Because, Cadet, not every mission you''ll be sent on will be one you can complete by punching someone. Sometimes you''ll have to talk to people. Friendly like. Sometimes you''ll have to figure out problems and solve them peacefully. And sometimes you might even have to dance."


    She frowned. "When did you have to dance?"


    I shrugged. "Haven''t had to, not yet, not really. Not vertically." I grinned at her with that, and she blushed and looked grumpy. "But when I found the refugees from Calverton, I had to be fast on my feet to turn what would have been a war into a small series of... well... duels. Probably saved a few thousand lives. Which at the end of the day, is what being a Hero is all about." She looked confused. "Saving lives. Not wrecking shit. Even if that is what you and I are good at."


    By the end of the day, all of them managed to smoothly switch from lead to follow and back. Even Citron and Hildegarde.


    Not, like, with each other. Baby steps.

 Day Five Hundred And Ninety-Five

    Dear Diary,


    I''m not sure if I''m doing the right thing with Citron and Hildegarde, and I really kinda wish I had duBois available to discuss it with. Like, I''m getting pretty desperate for some indication that I''m either doing the right thing and just need to double down on what I''ve been doing, or fucking up and need to apologize to them for my inexperience and adjust my lesson plans and shit. Seriously, losing either one of them would be a shame, losing both of them would be an absolute failure of an epic scale.


    Losing any Cadet, either from training accidents, expulsion, or them quitting is a tragedy. Seriously, these are our best and brightest. If there''s somebody smarter, faster, tougher, stronger out there, they don''t have the desire or motivation to be a Hero, because that''s basically what all the aptitude entrance testing is at the Academy. it''s why they don''t base it on some kind of a arbitrary minimum Attributes, but based on who shows up as better than the others. I guess if a class had few enough people tryna get in, they''d all get in, because as I''ve noted before, there''s a casualty rate. I can''t be everywhere, no matter how much I''d really like to be sometimes.


    Shit. I really hope One-Eye, Lightning Bro, and his family can''t get their brains on my Diary, because sure as shit that one little slip up would tell them my absolute biggest weakness. Yeah, in tactical terms I can be in a lot of places at once. Strategically even, in the sense that I can show up in multiple theaters, for a primitive enough definition of ''theater''. But I cannot be everywhere at once, and if what Marie has shown me means anything, the older, more Glorious Gods might be able to do something like that. Shit, they don''t even have to. They just have to be in more places than me. Fuckity fuck fuckballs on fucktoast, but I hope that none of them realize that and get their act together enough to fuck with me that way, because I do not know how I''d be able to respond to that. Yeah, so far I''ve been able to yank all the avatars of any God I get my hands on back to me, but I''m not sure if that''s, like, something they can defend themselves against, or something they can resist, or... fuck. So much I don''t know, and it could bite me in the ass at any time. Shit, it could bite the ones I love in the ass, and that would be so much fuckin'' worse.


    And the only answer I have right now is to climb on shit pyramid and start slaughtering Gods arbitrarily, and that... would wind up with me sitting atop Shit Pyramid beginning my career in fertilizer production. I''m sure of it, and I don''t even know why.


    Back to shit I may have some ability to control, maybe, if I squint and pretend real hard, losing any Cadet is a tragedy, but Citron and Hildegarde really are two of the top three in their class, in my opinion. Which one is number two and which is number three is up in the air at any given moment, but that''s only because they really have started pushing each other to improve. Sort of. Vickerson still has a big fuckin'' lead on both of them, because she''s been doing shit like organizing study groups and shit like that since day one. Yeah, I''m pretty sure either one of them can kick her ass. If that''s all being a Hero took, maybe that''d be enough to knock her off that top spot, but... it''s not. Killing one percent of New Amsterdam wasn''t what made me feel like I might deserve the title Hero eventually. Curing it maybe did. Organizing the relief for Lancaster sure as shit did.


    Speaking of, definitely glad I did that now.


    So fuckin'' Cadets Citron and Hildegarde still hadn''t managed to properly shift who was leading and who was following all fuckin'' day yesterday. So today, after leading everyone through a nice hour long warmup run, not to mention some serious stretching and calisthenics, because I''d remembered something I''d told my two problem Cadets after their first spar.


    I called everybody around the notional ring with the two of them in, then said, "okay, you two, I told you I''d show you some holds and escapes, then totally forgot about that shit. My bad, my apologies, but I''mma make that jawns up to you today. Citron, Hildegarde, for your exceptional performance yesterday, you get to be my demonstration dummies. Citron, you''re up first."


    Right on the edge of hearing, Vickerson muttered, "exceptional?"


    "Hey, exceptionally bad is still exceptional." I stepped up to Citron, just out of arms reach. "Okay, you ready?" He nodded, hands coming up like I''m sure he''d seen the luchadores do at the Autumn Equinox festival. I smiled, nodded, then dropped to my palms, kicking my legs forward and scissoring them sideways, taking his legs out from under him and pulling them toward me. I kipped up, grabbed his legs, and sat on his ass as he barely kept his head from smashing into the pavement. "I taught this move in Advanced Combat Training. Found it in an old manual. Not even duBois knew about it. As you can see," Citron tried to buck me off, but didn''t have the leverage, because muscle is dense and your girl has a lot of that shit now. He reached for me, and i took the opportunity to grab his hands and secure the pin.


    "Fuck, now I can''t even surrender."


    When Hildegarde snorted, without even looking I said, "you''re next." Then I looked around. "As you can see, once you''ve got somebody secured like this, unless they outmass you significantly, they''re not getting away. Even if they do, you''ve got some serious advantages over them. Also, and I''ll give him credit for not letting this totally overwhelm his good sense, it''s embarrassing as shit. Which is why this is the kind of thing you''re encouraged to learn for dealing with civilians. Some carpenter gets drunk and disorderly, or just full of piss and vinegar for some reason, you got no cause to kill his ass, but you can''t let him go fucking shit up either, so... less than lethal holds where you can maybe apply some minor pain and shame until they agree to cut that shit out." I looked back at Citron. "Now, you want to know the best way to get out?"


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    "That would be nice, Instructor."


    I laughed. "Good attitude." I let go of his hands, then said, "roll backwards." He did, and I wound up slipping out of the optimal position to hold him. I could have struggled against it, but I wanted to show him how to get out, and that meant not countering the counter this time. He wound up kinda flat on his face, but behind me. I spun as he kipped up. "Okay, so you see how if you''d done that right at the beginning, you might have gotten out?"


    "Is there a way to prevent that counter?"


    I nodded. "There is. And ways to counter that, and so on. But to start with, most of the best ways to avoid holds is to flow through them. That''s if you can''t just overpower them or do some sneaky shit like," I stepped behind him, tapped him on one shoulder, then stepped around him as he spun. "This."


    "That''s... patently unfair, Ma''am."


    I nodded. "It is. I''m not doing it to show off, though. I''m tryna get you guys to realize that at this point in your training, while you may be able to manhandle street thugs and noncombatants, a solid combat Veteran or a Soldier with a little experience and training will be able to beat you if you''re not paying attention. A Hero from somewhere outside the Alliance, or some other opponent at that level? They''re gonna fuck you up, with one possible exception."


    Hildegarde chuckled, and I stepped behind her and put her in one of the holds I''d cribbed from duBois way back during my first spar. A she kinda writhed there, I said, "you''re not the exception, twinkel toes. Everyone see this hold?" They all nodded as Hildegarde seethed. "Yeah, this one would only work for like the top ten percent of you, Strength wise. But if you''re in that top ten percent, where you''re maybe at least half as strong as your opponent, this will keep them more or less contained." I think the hold was called an ''arm bar'' or something like that. Definitely risking a broken arm if she got pissed enough, but broken arms could be fixed. "No, the one exception to you lot being so much dead meat if you''re up against an enemy Hero is the same thing that killed half a dozen Heroes way before the Battle of the Walls."


    That got everyone''s attention, especially Citron''s. "Teamwork. Before she was Imperator, before she became an Archmage, long before she was an official Phileo Hero, Cadet Saffron Aetos-Diaz took out a series of New Amsterdam Heroes who had engaged in a frankly very well done night raid on the Phileo encampment. Because I don''t give a shit how badass you are, a dozen Crossbow bolts hitting you from ambush, with four big guys with tower shields protecting those Crossbows from retaliation while they reloaded? Will fuck your shit up." I winced. "Literally. Do not get shot in the ass by a Crossbow bolt. Not fun. Goin'' in or comin'' out." I let that sink in, then said, "so yeah, Cadet Vickerson really does have the right idea, what with her putting the Cadets working with her through more teamwork exercises. Citron?"


    He lowered the hand he''d had up since I talked about an ambush. "That doesn''t sound very honorable, Ma''am."


    I nodded. "If you''re doing some diplomatic shit, and you''re avoiding a battle by fighting a duel, especially one judged on points and shit like that? Honor''s probably not a bad consideration. On the other hand, if you''re in a duel to the death? Or on a battlefield, which is even messier? You fight to win. Period. People behind you aren''t gonna care that you ''died honorably'' when the fucker that killed you is raping little girls. On the other hand, if you kill that fucker dead as fuck by running that sword you''re so fond of into his brain via his asshole? For every stuck up prig who''s gonna tut tut you, you''ll have a shit ton of grateful non combatants willing to buy you a drink afterward to wash the taste of it out of your mouth." I stared at him for a five count, then said, "you understand?"


    That rectal kumquat look is definitely a Dan genetic trait. Gotta see if Siobhan can do it. Then again, I''m not sure I want to know if she can. "Yes, Ma''am."


    I nodded again. "Look, man, honor''s got it''s place. Dealing in good faith and shit. Treating surrendered captives right. Lots of places it belongs. But in the middle of a fight to the death really isn''t one of them."


    That mollified him a little bit. "Okay, Hildegarde. You ready to get out?" She nodded. "Okay. Remember what I told Citron?" She got it immediately, rolling her whole fuckin body forward. Slamming into the pavers had to hurt, but she managed to break her arm free of my hands. She also kept rolling until she was well out of my reach. "Well done!"


    I spent another ten minutes demonstrating a few more holds. Mostly shit from the marital arts book on Citron, mostly duBois'' stuff on Hildegarde. Once I''d gone over half a dozen holds and escapes, i said, "Okay everybody. Get with your three person groups for sparring. Citron, Hildegarde, you''re with me."


    They both looked just the right mix of eager and worried, because they knew the three person groups had been rotating the refs in to spar as well. That melted into disbelief and borderline outrage when I said, "okay, you two. Since neither of you really is what I''d call sub par in terms of melee combat, but your coordination sucks shit through a tube, we three will be working on our dancing today."


    So I spent the rest of the day first Mimicking Hildegarde while she watched me dance, both leading and following, with Citron, then Mimicking Citron while dancing with Hildegarde. Back and forth, over and over, two hours before lunch, another two after. Sadly, by the end of the day their coordination still sucked. Not as hard as before. But just to prove my point I brought Vickerson over and had her run through five minutes with each of them right before the end of class. At the end of that both of them looked... I dunno. Not chastened. But at least nominally aware that they both had some serious flaws they needed to work on.


    Really wish duBois was available to consult with regarding Combat Training, Kitten.


    You could ask our other combat instructor, love.


    Lachlan?


    That got me a fuzzy chuckle in my brain. No, love. His father.


    So help me, I''m seriously considering it.

 Day Five Hundred And Ninety-Six

    Dear Diary,


    Actively considering going to Lord Leonard Lancaster for advice on anything other than how to clench my asshole so tightly it can prevent crossbow bolts from entering seems unnatural and wrong, enough that it''s seriously damaging my calm when I''m tryna focus on hunting down the source of the kaiju bears. Worse, I''m not sure whether the fact that I''m seriously thinking about doing it is a sign that I''m being corrupted by my environment or just growing up. Fuck, it would suck if those two things aren''t actually mutually exclusive, or even worse, are connected.


    It''s not the same as it was with Larry. With him, I spent a solid couple months, maybe more, working with him to maybe bring him around to pulling his head out of his ass, not to mention seeing him as something other than a vague threat and annoyance. By the time I saved Lachlan from death due to plague, he''d already more or less matured and improved to the point where I could tolerate being allies with him; maybe even friends at some future date. Really Bonnie did a lot more of that work than I did, but still, the work got done. Since then, he''s only improved, even if he''s still got that essential Larry-ness that makes me roll my eyes. But then, Bonnie seems to like it.


    Leonard, on the other hand, hasn''t really been anywhere in my orbit since the Battle of the Walls. I mean, yeah, he works with Saffron on the daily, what with him being the High Councilor for Phileo, but I dunno if that environment is really one that makes for life changing realizations. He''s also way further along his life''s path than Larry was, so he had to be way more set in his ways before he encountered my Kitten and I, before I inspired his own son to grab fate and Lancaster''s power in his hands and tell his dad he was now the de facto Lord of Lancaster House. Then again, I hadn''t seen the slightest bit of interference from him since then. Like, I''m sure if I asked him, he''d be all ''it would be dishonorable and invalidate this test of his new policies should I seek to prevent him from implementing them''. That''s just the kind of asshole he is. But then, of all the types of assholes, and lemme tell you, I''ve met more than my fair share, ''anal retentive to the point of possible pathology'' isn''t the worst ever.


    Shit, he hasn''t said word one about his son marrying a Bag. That implies that the systemic racism and sexism in his Lancaster House wasn''t a personal preference, just shit he grew up with that nominally worked and he saw no reason to change. I''m not sure if that makes it better or worse. Sure as shit makes me shudder a little just thinking about it though. Reminds me a little of Conrad, too, that whole ''better death than loss of even the slightest amount of integrity''. Because Conrad has that, for all his sociopathic creepiness. All that aside, I''m gonna have to bite the bullet and talk to him at some point. Probably best to talk with Saffron about it, either so my visit doesn''t disturb her Council wrangling or, even better, somehow helps her with it.


    All that''s for later, though. Probably next week, since I''m gonna avoid back to back excursions if I can at all help it.


    When I got home after a day of Cadet wrangling, Siobhan looked almost as fatigued as I felt. "What''s up, Kitten?" I asked before Siobhan dropped into my lap and stuffed a piping hot fresh dinner roll into my mouth.


    Saffron held up a finger while she chewed the roll Marie''d just fed her. "Sorry, love. That was too good not to concentrate on. I''ve been going over reports we received from Marshall duBois and Ambassador Potami. Well, reviewing them with the rest of the Council, since Grand Councilor Orange somehow intercepted them. Thankfully Lord Lancaster kept her from turning this Grand Council session into an absolute circus. Instead, I simply had to keep everyone focused on not jostling their elbows too much, while preparing both a punitive expedition should Saint Boltophsburg do something untoward to our representatives, and a gift package should the Marshall need such to convince them to sign some lasting agreement with us."


    "I''d say something like ''preparing for every eventuality'', but I think that''s kinda redundant when talking about you and plans."


    She snorted, savored some stew, then said, "Of course not. I hardly prepare for every eventuality. Just the ones I foresee as both likely and in need of prior preparation for proper response."


    I chuckled a little, then focused on my own dinner. You really don''t have to do this, Darling.


    If Siobhan blushed a lot at that, she didn''t stop. "But you seem tired and stressed, and I enjoy it."


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    You just be sure you get yourself fed too, or I''m gonna momma bird you.


    She stuffed a roll into her own mouth, then thought, oh, damn. You weren''t talking about vomiting into my mouth, were you?


    I shrugged. Guess we''ll never know.


    When this whole thing with the Dire Bears is resolved, I hope we have some time that isn''t so... rushed.


    I swallowed. "Yeah, me too. For all of us."


    "I''m not sure the Imperator''s work ever quiets down that much."


    "It will if I show up and explain very politely that I will be very upset with anyone who interrupts her much needed vacation." Then I had a thought. "Or, better yet, honeymoon." Siobhan''s face fell a little bit, and I turned her to face me with a gentle hand on her chin. "I''ll have to let Headmaster Miles know the same thing about our Concubine, too."


    "But... I..."


    "Will definitely be joining us. Unless you''d rather not?"


    Definitely fun teasing her just a little, especially with how gleeful she''d gotten when I told her she''d be honeymooning with the three of us. "No, no, I''d love to come."


    "Well, I''m sure you''ll do that then too."


    "Tabitha!" She stuffed another roll into my mouth before I could declare victory.


    In the Bath, while the kids played, she floated between us. She looked to Saffron, then Marie, before quietly asking, "are both of you sure as well?"


    In response, Marie slipped under her, then pulled Siobhan to her, Saffron and I coming in from the sides to embrace her. "The wedding and honeymoon are Marie''s most of all, but we wouldn''t dream of not having you be part of both, Darling."


    Dreamt of the three of them snuggling as they floated in my Maw.


    Woke up early, hopped down to the kitchen to find my tinker pack all loaded up. "Thanks, Marie."


    I reached for the pack, but she slapped my knuckles with a wooden spoon, then pointed to a counter with a stool sitting next to it. A big domed tray sat on the counter. "Breakfast."


    I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her to me long enough for the temperature between us to equalize completely. "Thanks, Mittens."


    "Welcome."


    Spicy eggs, jalapeno scrapple, sausages, chicken tenders, and gravy syrup all over a petite waffle. "You know I don''t have class today, right?"


    She nodded. "Eyes."


    I thought about that as I nommed. "More in the pack?"


    She nodded. "Dawn. Dusk."


    When I finished, I hugged her again. "Thanks, Mittens. Can''t wait to get you good and Married."


    She purred out, quietly, "pregnant?"


    I looked down, realizing right then that as usual, she wasn''t wearing anything under her Maid''s outfit. Including footwear. "Are you really asking me to add ''pregnant'' to your existing conditions of ''barefoot'' and ''in the kitchen''?" She nodded, tongue lolling out just a little as she chuckled. I rolled my eyes. "Just so long as you''re sure that''s what you want."


    She kissed me, long and hard, a drawn out, Yes. echoing through my head as she did. Then she set me down, frowned, and pushed me toward my pack with a gentle smack on the ass. "Work."


    I grabbed my pack, blew her a kiss, and stepped to the Academy Entrance.


    Headmaster Miles saw me, nodded, and stepped into his office. All six of my Senior Cadets stood there. Today they''d all brought tinker packs along. All but Ryan had Crossbows as well. I''d seen her using that thing to fire faster than some semiautomatics, so I wasn''t gonna quibble with her keeping it. "Everybody switching to Crossbows now?"


    They looked at each other, chuckled, and O''Brien of all people shrugged, looked a little sheepish, and said, "None of us really do much in the way of sniping, and if we have even the slightest bit of prep time we can hand her," he nodded at Cadet Chloros. "Four more cocked Crossbows to snipe with. Depending on the need for Brown to coordinate us, he can reload for her as well."


    I looked at Brown, who shrugged and said, "if we''re up against a Dragon, that''s likely my best role, since my Shaping won''t be terribly useful offensively."


    I thought about that for a second. "Can you lift O''Brien?"


    They shrugged again. "You''re right, I could be useful for extraction, but with any luck at all, we won''t need that."


    I nodded. "Just so long as you''ve thought of it. You all ready?" When they nodded and joined hands, I stepped us to the top of the West Tower. It said something about the size of the tower that we weren''t really crowded standing on the roof.


    "Uh, Champion?" Aetos looked over the side, looking maybe a little greener than he had any right to.


    "Just keeping you all clear for the moment." I reached out, pulling my biggest local tentacle across to the Mortal Realm. I focused on the path the Dire Bear had knocked through the woods, where no big trees had survived unscathed. "Hang on to the railing, please."


    I pulled another couple tentacles across as well, then went to town. The smaller tentacles yeeted the big trees to the side, the bigger ones smashed whatever remained flat. Within a few minutes, the treacherous terrain left by the Dire Bear''s passage had been flattened to something closer to cleared fields. Okay, still a lot of up and down, and still some clutter, but nothing we had to climb over or under.


    "That... definitely makes me feel a lot better if we wind up facing a Dragon or something similar," said Mackenzie.


    I stepped us al to the edge of the forest. "Yeah, don''t let your guard down. Those only stretch so far. I''m not sure they''d reach the spot the bear bivouacked."


    As we ran, I thought about why I''d burst her bubble. Didn''t take me long to realize; nothing quite so bad for morale as the cavalry not showing up when you expect them right behind you.

 Day Five Hundred And Ninety-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    I''m not sure why, but my stress level is rising. Tension spiking. Not sure if I''m headed for a manic spree or a depressive spiral crash, but something''s gotta give soon.


    Okay, there are plenty of reasons why. Leonard Lancaster being my remaining go-to for dealing with my academic problem children. My mentor, Marshall duBois, on an extended diplomatic mission that I''m constantly worried is gonna suddenly turn into ''please come revive the Marshall and kill some bitches, poste haste''. Ria''s missing sister. The source of the Dire Bears. The super secret extra bullshit crisis Murphy has hiding to jump out and shove a sharpened stainless steel pine cone up my ass.


    Lenny''s not that bad, I suppose. I''ve thought that through before. Mostly it''s the vague sense of embarrassment I''ve got from having to go to him, hat in hand, saying ''please, sir, may I have some advice''. That just rankles, and the worst case scenario isn''t the one where he laughs in my face. The worst case scenario is the one where he just... helps me, politely, because he sees me as some kind of subordinate in need of help, or peer worthy of helping, or superior who can command him and deserves his obedience. Because not only do all of those mean he''s now clearly accepted me as part of the extant power structure, they also mean I''ve been stressing over this for more or less nothing.


    The shit about the Marshall... Honestly, I ought to ask Saffron. She''s got to have some way to communicate with him, even if it''s not the kind of instant mind-to-mind communication she and I have. Maybe she set up a Direct Message or Private Message Shape before he left? I''m not sure if I could set one up at this point, not without throwing so much power into it that Saint Boltophsburg would see it as an incoming attack just from the raw Mana expenditure alone. But even if all she can tell me is ''no news'', that''s still something. Because I could follow on with ''should I be worried'', and if she tells me ''no''; that means I''m spinning up disaster scenarios in my head for no good god damned reason.


    Adrienne Crow isn''t a diplomatic crisis waiting to happen. I mean, she might be. She''s the Overlord''s daughter, and Tallulah Crow is not only the Overlord, not only putting together our Naval Academy, not just one of my small but colorful collection of High Priestesses, she''s also the co-parent of my little Sidhe girl, who has very pointedly asked me to find her sister for her. I mean, I think Tallulah asked us to find Adrienne as well, but if I disappointed an allied Head of State I''d just chalk it up to being a use-impaired dumbass. But disappointing my daughter... that just will not stand. So... potential personal crisis, that one.


    At least I''ve got the support of the Phileo government when it comes to dealing with my Dire Bear problem. Six Senior Cadets might not seem like a whole lot when I''m the Walking Ragnarok, but once I''m outside reach of my tentacles, I''ve got a lot less kaiju killing power. I mean, the Homestead is clearly Tentacle Central. Shit comes at us there, I absolutely will treat it just like I did the most recent Dire Bear. If it''s any more dangerous than that one, I''m not even going to wait for the Cadets to get their training in, I will just end whatever the fuck is coming at us. But while I''m out of reach and hunting, unless I can get whatever it is to follow me into M-Space, where distances are as weird and fucked up as time, I might not be able to reach with the big tentacles. The little ones are still handy, but not all that much more than Co-Location and Translocation. So having six ass kickers with me who are just waiting for a Hero slot to open up is... comforting, in a way. Yeah, I''m responsible for them, but they''re not wilting violets or fresh faced Cadets in need of constant babysitting.


    That just leaves Murphy lurking with the pineapple.


    So yesterday, between me flattening the beginning of our pathway, no new snow since our last trip out meaning we could run along the path we''d forged before, and the hunters not slowing us down, we managed to hit the furthest we''d gone by around mid afternoon. No offense to the hunters, they''re definitely professional badasses their own selves, but Marshall duBois stresses getting in positively inhuman shape in terms of Endurance. I think most of the Senior Cadets had to be past where I started when I arrived, and I of course can pretty much run forever at this point. Lack of sleep might get me, but running fatigue won''t. At any rate we kept going until sunset.


    As the sun touched the horizon, I looked at the Cadets and said, "set up camp. I''m gonna try something a little stupid, just to get my bearings. I''ll be right back."


    I stepped to M-Space, then rose into the sky, holding the sun in place. I hadn''t done that for a while, but then I wasn''t tryna turn back time or even really extend the day for any stupidly long duration. Just long enough to get a good look at the terrain under me. After rising at an accelerating rate for less than a minute, I leveled off. A big shoreline to the northeast had to be Lake Erie. The West Tower glinted in the light of the setting sun, the me made structure sticking out as a straight line in a world of curves and natural forms. Kinda weird, a lot of shit didn''t show in M-Space, and it usually had to do with how ''permanent'' something was in the minds of people who lived near it.


    The West Tower stood out. Stark. Imposing. As I''d said before, my Kitten''s giant middle finger to the monsters of the world.


    God I love that woman.


    She loves you as well, Daughter.


    Yeah. I know. Thanks for reminding me, Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    We''d come about two thirds of the way from the Homestead to the coast of Lake Erie. The bear''s arrow-straight path from it''s bivouac to the West Tower hadn''t continued for longer than one Dire Bear-day of travel. After that it meandered a little. Not a lot. Not as much as you''d think a kaiju bear looking for food would have wandered. But from what we''d seen in the Mortal Realm, it meandered a little. I couldn''t see shit of its path from here in M-Space. Just to check, I stepped back to the Mortal Realm, and could only pick out the West Tower because I knew exactly where to look, and I think even then I was either fooling myself or subconsciously doing some Deific or Mana bullshittery to see it. Of course, plummeting distracted me a little until I stepped back to M-Space, lowered myself gently to the ground, and stepped back, letting go of the sun as I did.


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    "Anything we should know about, Ma''am?"


    I glanced over at Ryan, who''d found a reasonable hide in a nearby tree. "Nothing special. The West Tower''s visible from here on the other side. Can''t help but think that matters somehow. Dunno if that''s drawing the Dire Bears, or if it''s pissing off somebody who''s sending them."


    "Are you going to camouflage it somehow?"


    I shook my head. "Nope. Imperator''s dead set against it, and I kinda see her point. Something big and ugly wants to come and hurt humans, better it comes against humans dug in and hiding in a fortress with Heroes and Senior Cadets and a Demigoddess of Bloodlust in residence than some random farmer whose best defensive item is a pitchfork "


    "Most farmers have at least a few serviceable axes."


    I chuckled at her. "You know what I mean, Ryan."


    She nodded. "I do, Ma''am. Just... surprised?" I tilted my head, and she said, "nobody ever questioned the Lancaster''s bravery, or commitment to Phileo''s Heroic Ideals. But Lancaster House is in the middle of Lancaster. Not right out on the sharp end."


    "Yeah, well. Maybe in a hundred years the Homestead will be the middle of Alliance territory. You never know."


    She thought about that for a bit, then said, "I see your point, Ma''am. But still, it''s kinda inspiring, in a way. Knowing she could be sitting pretty outside of Newark, but instead chooses to bed down right out on the front lines."


    I nodded. "Yeah. Well. Both of us are kinda like that. So''s Marie, for that matter."


    Ryan grinned. "What about Sister Darling?"


    I shook my head. "Sister Siobhan, or Archmage Darling."


    Her eyes popped a little. "Really?"


    "You catch the second round of improvements to Assess Health a little while back?"


    "That was her?"


    I shrugged. "Saffron did a lot of the nitty gritty of the design, but the Shaping? That was all her."


    She nodded. "Yep. That''ll do it." Then she cocked her head. "Where''d she get the Mana?" I just looked at her. After a minute she chuckled self-deprecatingly. "Yeah, that was a stupid question. wasn''t it?"


    "Eh. On a normal person scale, maybe. But on the Tabitha Scale, where ''one'' is mildly embarrassing and ''ten'' destroys economies and governments and any chance of ever getting laid again, it''s only maybe a three."


    She laughed. I laughed. The tree she was in did not laugh, so I didn''t have to Mana Blade it into submission. She pointed toward a nearby copse. "The rest have set up over there."


    "Thanks. See you in the morning."


    I stayed up all night, Blend boosted and doing laps around the outside of the Alarm Ward. Which I could just barely make out, a flicker in the air, thanks to Murder Mittens'' Fae Grain Medicinal Waffles. In the morning, the Cadets got themselves up and in order before sunrise, including a fairly good warm meal to get us started. Stew and oatmeal and other ''put stuff and water in a pot, add heat, eat'', but still not half bad. Surprised me, but they had something with a decent kick in it. Not peppers, although maybe black pepper. Something else, like maybe wasabi. Still, it was warm and knocked the morning gumminess out of everybody''s mouth, so I ate it with my Cadets, shared some of the jerky Marie sent with me, and we all got rolling again.


    Late in the afternoon, following the trail of trees that had been knocked clean over within the last couple weeks, we hit the shore of the Lake.


    "I didn''t know there was a sea here." O''Brien sounded almost offended at, y''know, geography.


    "Yep. Five of ''em. If I remember right, this is the small one. There''s another to the northeast and three more to the northwest, each one bigger than the last. Big one''s probably three, four times further than we''ve come so far."


    "That''s quite a ways. You''ve been that far?"


    "I meant across. Gitche Gumee is fuckin'' huge. Erie here is, like, a big pond in comparison. Like, just a wide spot on the Niagara."


    He snorted. "Now I know you''re messing with me." I stared at him. "How do you know all that?"


    I shrugged. "Go to M-Space. Go straight up, like a Deity can do. Keep going up until you can see the land spread out under you like a picture. You''ll see them. Five big assed lakes."


    He shuddered a little. "As you say, Ma''am."


    As the others spread out to look for clues, Brown came over to me. "It''s easy to forget, you know."


    "What d''you mean?"


    "That you''re a Demigoddess." I gave them a look, and they laughed quietly. "Seriously. You come across as a prodigy Cadet. I totally get why they''ve set aside a Hero slot for you as soon as you qualify. Though I''m not sure the Hero Title is going to give you that much of a boost after the Titles of Champion of the Alliance and Champion of Loki."


    "Not to mention, y''know, Goddess."


    They nodded. "As you say. But like I said, you don''t come across as a Goddess."


    "Do the Maids?" They looked at me oddly, and I quietly said, "they''re all, each and every one, Demigoddesses in the service of Dionysus. Psychopomps, even."


    Their mouth dropped open. "Why... why didn''t we all realize that?"


    I smiled. "Because they don''t act like entitled assholes?" They glanced around, like they expected lightning to strike, or for a tidal wave to spontaneously form from the shore of Erie. I reached out, touched their chin, and they looked back at me. "If they wanna come at me directly? I fuckin'' dare them. They''re powerful, yeah. But they''ve got jobs they should be doing and aren''t, and that''s turned this world into something of a shithole. I aim to fix that, and if they don''t like it, they can sit in their M-Space palaces and stew, or they can come to me and I''ll pull their heads out of their asses."


    They coughed, still with their head on a swivel.


    I gripped their shoulder until they looked at me again. "I''m serious, Brown. People I gotta be careful with. Monsters I''m mostly worried about collateral. But Gods? Ones who are too full of themselves to protect people, to do their fuckin'' job and make the world a better place for Mortals? I will show those assholes what ''bloodlust'' means."


    They took a deep breath, let it out, and nodded. They looked like they were about to say something, but Chloros called out from a few hundred feet out on the lake. "Ma''am! You need to see this!"


    I stepped Brown and I over to her. The surface of the lake was frozen over, which seemed really fuckin'' odd. I mean, it was cold as fuck, don''t get me wrong, but I thought Erie had enough contamination to freeze lower, or maybe to not freeze all the way. Then again, the surface was pretty clear, and I saw some shit moving down near the silt on the bottom, so maybe we were just standing on a surface layer of ice. She held up a light and pointed down.


    Where, in the light of the setting sun, I saw a big assed bear print.

 Day Five Hundred And Ninety-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    There are times when I wish I had better control over stuff like my ADHD. I think everyone who has it to a degree that it affects their life and has had the opportunity to experience non-ADHD thought processes, either vicariously through close friends or directly through drugs, knows what I''m talking about. At least I think they do. I might be wrong. I''m told Autism is a whole assed spectrum, and based on some of my neurospicy friends back in the day, I think ADHD might be too.


    At one point the stars aligned and I managed to get some medication that kinda worked to help me manage my ADHD. And by ''help me manage'', I mean I could remember shit that I wanted to do when it was time to do it, instead of stressing over it every time I thought about it for hours, days, even weeks beforehand, then completely forget what I was supposed to do when it came time, only remembering after shit was so far in the past it didn''t matter, or maybe when I got a really nasty ''where the fuck are you, bitch'' text from somebody I was supposed to to whatever with. For like two weeks, from the time the shit kicked in to the time I went to order my refill and got told that the insurance company wouldn''t cover it and I slipped into a depressive spiral, I got shit done. I mean, not as much as when I hyperfocused on shit, but, and I cannot stress how much of a blessing this was, I got the shit I wanted and intended to do done.


    Seriously, I''d gotten all the bad advice about ADHD that neurotypical people hand out like candy on Halloween. ''Get a planner''. ''Make lists''. Develop habits''. ''Maintain schedules''. Then my personal favorite, ''just stop being lazy''. Which, as you might imagine, works as well as telling a chronically depressed person ''just stop being being sad''. Thing is, all those things work for neurotypical people who are just, y''know, disorganized. But when your brain does a combination of ''do not allow certain actions for no good goddamned reason'' and ''randomly deny access to random memories'', in the ''do not let you remember you had something to do, let alone that you were supposed to do it today'' sense, none of that shit really helps. My old place in Camden was a graveyard of planners. Nice ones. Cheap ones. Pretty ones. Ugly ones. Big ones. Little ones. Some of them I''d buy, go straight home, and write down my plans for the next day, or week, or even once a whole month. Important shit that had to be done, all written down.


    I lost it the next day. I mean, I found it again, three weeks later, after all of the ''will fuck me over if I don''t do them'' things were already fucked up beyond recovery, but as you might imagine that didn''t endear it to me, and it wound up denting the fuckin'' wall when I threw it.


    So yeah, I''m sure all those things work for neurotypical people. Good for them. I''ve matured to the point where I can say that and actually mean it. But for me? Not. Helpful. The right medication, the stuff that made my brain release the right chemicals at the right times to let me function like a ''normal'', or at least neurotypical human being? Holy shit that stuff was awesome. I mean, I''ve heard some people say it eventually makes them feel like they''re not ''them'', but I think we''ve all noted that I''m not my favorite person, so I might have seen that as a side benefit.


    Thing is, as I mentioned in there, hyperfocus is a thing. A thing that put me into a kind of superhuman overdrive even back in the day when I was nothing but an almost feral human street rat from Camden. I still get like that now and then in the here and now. But the problem with hyperfocus and hyperfixation is that it''s totally, utterly, completely outside of my control. Yeah, it''s like a superpower, and a pretty awesome one if it can turn a sort of bright kid into a learning machine that goes from knowing nothing to being able to debate college students coherently on their major in under a week. But the reason it''s not is purely the random nature of it. I once spent a fuckin'' three day online bender learning about butterflies. Not even, like, butterflies from the East Coast of the USA. Fuckin'' Asian Butterflies. I think I was tryna figure out what kind of butterfly was in the ''is this a <whatever> meme'', but I could just be rationalizing my completely irrational behavior.


    So yeah, the reason I''m kinda stuck on that today is because I really wish I could turn hyperfixation and hyperfocus on at will, learn the fuck out of Bears, Dire Animals, and the Great Lakes. Instead of being the one nominally in charge, yet entirely incapable of making an informed decision because I am not, in any meaningful way, informed.


    As the light faded from the sky, I turned to Chloros and said, "good job finding this! Definitely got lucky this part of the ice is so clear." When she raised an eyebrow, I waved to the obviously cloudy ice a couple dozen feet to either side of us.


    She smiled. "Forensic Shaping trick, combined with this ice being newer than the stuff too far to the sides. Not sure I could have gotten that stuff this clear."


    I nodded. "Good work, then. I''d say some pithy shit about making your own luck, but ''good work'' seems to cover it, y''know?"


    She laughed. "Yeah. Thanks, Ma''am."


    I sighed. "Of course, this means we''ve got to check at least three directions to find where that thing came from, and without some luck we still won''t find it."


    "Three?"


    I nodded, stepping us back to the shoreline as I did, because ''on the ice of Erie at night'' wasn''t a place I wanted to be when ''underwater kaiju bears'' were a thing that existed. "Three." I waved the other Cadets over. When they got there I continued, starting with an explanation. "Okay, Cadets. Chloros found a Dire Bear print in the silt under the ice. It looks to match the size of that thing that tried to attack the Homestead, and it pretty clearly broke the ice coming out from under it. That means we have to try to find out where it went in. As soon as it''s light enough to see things properly, Chloros will double check to see if she can spot any other tracks, just to make sure it didn''t dip in here and come right back out. While she does that, the rest of you split in two groups and start searching the shoreline for signs it passed through. This thing was huge as shit and not tryna be stealthy, which is how we''ve been able to track it without our tracker friends. No offense, Chloros."


    "None taken. They''re better than me at the tracking part."


    "If there''s no sign that it dipped under right here, I''ll have Chloros join one of your two teams, and I''ll head for the far side of the lake. Might get lucky and it just cut straight across or some shit like that." Brown raised his hand, and I nodded to him.


    "If there might be more of those things around, should we split up?"


    I sighed. "Good point, but if there''s anyone nearby more capable of fighting one of those fucking things than the seven of us, that''s news to me. And we can''t fight it, can''t even distract it from potential civilians, Alliance or otherwise, if we can''t find the fucker." I went silent for a moment, then waved Brown down when he started to speak. "Can any of you Shape Direct Message or Private Message?"


    Brown chuckled a little, and when I nodded to him, he said, "I was going to suggest a Direct Message link between the groups, Ma''am. We all know how to shape it. Private Message... I don''t think any of us have the, ah, familiarity with one another to maintain that kind of link for any length of time."


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    Ryan cleared her throat. Then blushed, but didn''t look away, as she said, "Cadet Chloros and I can."


    "Patty!" Chloros squeaked. Then she sighed. "Yeah, we can."


    I shook my head. "Look, ladies, I dunno why you''re so shy about being up in one another''s business. We all heard it, even if you were discreet enough we didn''t get to or have to watch."


    Ryan shot me a lopsided smile. "It''s not quite about sex, Ma''am. It''s about intimacy."


    O''Brien barked out a laugh at that, but I just nodded. "I know the difference. For what it''s worth? That''s exactly what the Academy''s and Phileo''s policies encourage. Not that I learned that until recently myself, really." At O''Brien''s confused look, I felt the need to maybe explain a little, to do some Mentoring to, I dunno, earn my pay or some shit like that. "Do you know what makes people fight?"


    I swear I almost lost it laughing when he thumped his chest and said, "honor!"


    I didn''t, and I coughed real loud to get his attention back on me when Aetos did. "Yeah, maybe some people. Sometimes. But the thing that will make just about anyone stand up and fight like hell even when they absolutely know that the fight they''re going into has already been lost? Love. If someone you love is behind you, danger will not get past you until you are several steps past being ''dead''. You will fight like you have never thought you could, endure shit that you know has already killed you, just to buy your loved one the slightest bit more chance to survive."


    I watched as Ryan and Chloros shared a look. Before anybody could interrupt, I said, "that''s the whole trick to why the Sacred Brotherhood never lost. When the person right next to you holding the line, fighting, is someone you love more than life itself? You will fight like a fuckin'' incarnate God of War to defend them, and they will do the same for you. So yeah, it might be a little bit of a cynical way to make our Heroes better at the dangerous parts of Heroing when the Powers That Be encourage Cadets to catch feelings for each other, but y''know what?" I waited until right before they spoke, and finished with, "when you''ve got two incarnate Gods of War each doing their best to kill the fuck out of anything that threatens the other, they''re both that much more likely to come out of the deepest of shit alive."


    By the end of that, everybody but O''Brien was nodding along, picking up what I was laying down. Hell, even he looked speculative. Which, if it meant he''d be cultivating a deep and meaningful relationship purely out of a desire to keep his own ass slightly more intact at some point, would still wind up maybe keeping some other Cadet in one piece, since he didn''t seem like an actual sociopath. Just a bit of a macho jerk.


    "Okay, find a good spot and settle in. You know the drill."


    They did. They also maybe let Ryan and Chloros have a little more down time together, which I didn''t understand until the following morning. I felt some kinda way when I realized that the thing that would let them maybe fight like hell if they ran across a Dire Bear was also the thing that meant they had to be in separate groups to maintain communication. Meanwhile I worked with Brown to set up a Direct Message link. Not as good, not as close, more a shitty walkie talkie than the implanted cell phone that I had with my ladies, but still enough for me to let them all know if I found the bear, or for them to tell me if one of their groups did. We also set up a thing where he''d ask me something every couple minutes, and if he didn''t check in, I''d come back to them in my biggest hurry.


    If I didn''t respond, they were under orders to run like fuckin'' hell back to the Homestead, because anything that could take me out without some kind of noise wasn''t something that the six of them were qualified to even slow down; they''d need Saffron and the ladies to even have a fuckin'' chance.


    No joy on more bear prints. Or, really, no joy on it entering the water here. We found three prints, all of which looked like it had walked up to the shoreline and just shoved its way through the ice. The two groups split up at that point, Ryan going west with Brown and O''Brien, Chloros going east with Aetos and Mackenzie. I nodded to both groups, then started stepping across the frozen lake.


    I wasn''t going for maximum speed. After each step, I hopped into the air a couple times, looking for those ''less cloudy'' patches that hinted the ice had been broken recently. I''d had Chloros demonstrate the Shape for me, and I was confident that even if I couldn''t replicate it, I could Mana Blade a hole big enough to dive through, and swim to the bottom to check for footprints.


    Really hoped I didn''t have to do that. Hypothermia wasn''t an actual danger any more, but nobody likes being so cold their nips get so hard they hurt.


    Some time around mid-day I started getting nervous. No bad news from either group, and Ryan was letting Brown know the status of Chloros'' group before every check in, but something just, I dunno, felt like somebody was watching me. I stopped stepping forward in a straight line, instead doing a kind of random zig zag forward across the ice. Every time I Translocated, whether to move forward or to hop upward for a better view the feeling got worse. I shoved my Blend up a bit, and things got a little better, but I had to drop it down a bit when Brown missed my reply and got a little panicked.


    I let him know I''d replied, but he might have missed it because I was tryna be stealthy. After that I moved forward Blended, dropping it to reply whenever we checked in. Some time well after noon I reached the far side of the lake. I hadn''t seen anything resembling a breach point for Kaiju Smokey, so I started hopping back and forth across the lake shore, hopping to treetops to scan for less cloudy patches. That awful ugly ''being watched, balefully'' feeling never went away. I also didn''t catch sight of a giant black tower with a big fuckin'' eyeball on top of it, even when I hopped to M-Space to look. Only difference there was Erie not having a crust of ice over the bay to my northwest. I hopped over there in the Mortal Realm and spotted some fresh ice patches, but nothing anywhere near big enough to have passed the big Dire Bear.


    Before I could decide whether to bring Chloros and the rest over to look, Brown whispered in my ear from across the lake. "Ma''am. I think you should see this."


    I stepped back to our camp of the night before, then rapidly stepped along the shore until I spotted O''Brien. He stood over a big fuckin'' bear print in the dirt just beyond the shore of the lake. When I stepped next to him, Ryan and Brown both stepped out from convenient hides. Only made sense, leaving the tanky guy to guide me in, with the physical and magical ranged hitters waiting in ambush if one of the bear''s buddies happened along. I glanced over and saw fresh ice on the lake. "Damn. Looks like we found where he went in."


    "Uh..." Brown kinda hemmed.


    "What?"


    "I''d rather not say until Chloros gets a look at it, Ma''am. I could be wrong, and I don''t want to bias her or you."


    I nodded. "Fair." I stepped over to Ryan. "You mind if I do something to get Chloros'' team back here faster?"


    She looked at me blankly for a second, the kind of blank that told me she wasn''t entirely copacetic. "Something dangerous?"


    I shrugged. "Not as far as I know."


    She sighed. "I''d feel better with her here. Go ahead."


    I really didn''t know what I was doing with what I did, but I reached a hand out to her left shoulder, my thumb instinctively going to where the artery pulsed through. I felt through her not unlike I did when I sent stuff going through Gods to ferret out their Avatars, only I kept my touch far lighter, far more careful. A moment later I found the link between her and Chloros, and stepped us to her side. "There you go."


    Ryan smiled, hugged Chloros, then looked back at me with one eyebrow raised. "Okay, we''re with her, but aren''t we all supposed to be back with the other two?"


    I smirked at her. "Smart ass. Okay, ladies and gentleman. Join hands." When they did, I stepped us all back to where the other two waited. "Okay, Forensics Cadet Chloros, do your thing."


    Her thing took nearly until sunset, when she trudged up to the rest of us, who''d mostly set up camp off to the side of the bear''s path. "I''m sorry, Ma''am. Bad news. Also, worse news."


    I winded. "Report."


    She sighed. "I double checked, because I didn''t want this to be true, but... every bit of evidence I''ve found points to this being an exit point, just like the other one we found."


    "Well. Shit. So Smokey was in the habit of going under the ice."


    She shook her head. "No, Ma''am. That''s the worse news. This?" She nodded toward the new ice, then kinda ran her gaze down the path of tracks and evidence of a big Dire Bear''s passage. "This happened within the last forty eight hours."

 Day Five Hundred And Ninety-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    Yesterday''s creepy unknown shit left me a little paranoid, I think. Okay, a lot paranoid. Which, to be clear, could be considered a survival trait, what with Dire Bears and Hostile Gods and Cities of Questionable Alignment and, y''know, Sparta, not that I think they''re the sort to send assassins. My point is more that I''ve got plenty of legitimate stuff to be worried about, but none of that shit feels like the thing I need to be watching out for.


    Again, it''s weird that I no longer put Lenny Lancaster or even Ophelia Orange on that list. Like, they''re pains in the ass, and I''m pretty sure Ophelia would cross the street to kick me if she saw me down, but being a anal retentive jerk and a spiteful bitch aren''t really things I''m all that worried about. She''s not stupid enough to actively plot or act against the Alliance itself, especially now that we''re the ones defending New Amsterdam''s borders and negotiating with their next northern neighbor. But if she could do so with plausible deniability, I think she''d totally fuck with my social life, my career, or other shit like that. Thing is, she has next to no influence over my career, and she sure as shit has zero ability to impact my social life. I seriously think if she came up to Saffron after a Grand Council meeting and said something about me sleeping with someone, Saffron would tell her she knew about it already just to spite her.


    Still kinda fucks with me that she wouldn''t be pissed about the actual ''sleeping with'' part, even if it were true. She''d just be irked that she didn''t hear about it from me. I mean, shit, Panther was entirely focused on me, and she just watched, kinda bemused, while all the goings on went on. As the song says, I may be a sucker with no self esteem, but even I can get the point when someone''s carpet bombing my skull with bunker busting hints. It''s just so fuckin'' weird, and right now weird shit is rubbing me the wrong way, because paranoia.


    Equally weird is that when it come to Lenny Lancaster, I think I''d actually get support from him if I needed it. I mean, I''m even planning on testing that next week. I dunno if he''s some kind of narcissist or not, but he clearly does whatever he does for the good of House Lancaster. Right now, I think he''s decided that his son and the Alliance are both better for Lancaster than him and Odin, and that''s gotta be a bit of a kick in the crotch for old One Eye. Then again, maybe he''s just biding his time and shit. I dunno. But right now, I think I can trust him; not because he''s trustworthy per se, but because he''s smart and ''happy Tabitha helping his son'' gets him what he wants faster and more reliably than ''pissed off Tabitha Mineral Bonding his own severed cock up his ass. Seriously, Larry''s a friend of mine, I wouldn''t off his dad off immediately just for pissing me off.


    When I think about saying things like that I realize how much I''ve changed. Back in the day I wouldn''t be serious about offing somebody unless I thought I could hide the body or my involvement, because I lived in a constant state of fear. On the other hand, if I could have gotten away with it, I would have totally offed some rich bigoted snob just for being a rich bigoted snob. Now I''m absolutely sure that if I walked into the Grand Council chambers, tortured Leonard to death in full view of rest of the Council, the worst consequence I''d face would be George and Mrs. Driver''s disappointed disapproval. Shit, if I had some kinda reason, like he was involved with something shitty, I might not even face that. But I wouldn''t do that, entirely because he''s my friend''s dad, and Larry might feel some kinda way about it.


    If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    Anyway, had a lot of time to think about that shit overnight, because while I was not happy about another fuckin'' kaiju bear on the loose, I was not about to be that dumb bitch who leads her squad into a ''stand of weird trees'' in the dark, only to realize that we''re walking under the kaiju''s belly. Yeah, I can see in the dark, but it''s far from perfect, and not all my Cadets have anything like better than human night vision.


    So we rested, them taking watches and me doing slow, quiet laps while I thought about stuff.


    Hey Kitten?


    Mmm. Yes, love?


    Remind me next week to talk to Lenny Lancaster?


    Yes, love.


    With that she fell back to sleep. I didn''t want to use her as some kind of glorified secretary, but let''s face it, she actually has a chance of remembering. She good memory person in charge, me attack dog. We each have our roles, and while we have fun playing with those roles, there''s a reason we have them.


    Bright and early in the morning, the seven of us broke camp and followed the Dire Bear. The one bit of possibly good news was that it wasn''t making a bee line for anywhere. It kinda meandered along in a mostly southerly direction. A little more southeast than south, maybe, but the meandering path we followed made it a little hard to tell.


    Of course, that path showed us that the new Dire Bear was, if anything, bigger than the last one. There were a couple trees it had pretty clearly just nommed all the leafy bits from. Not, like, sucked the leaves off, but ripped off leaves, little branches, even some bigger ones and just ate all of it. A few places we saw blood splotches; about what you''d expect if a Great Dane ate a fuckin'' mouse. One of those blood splotches had an antler in it. A moose antler.


    It also didn''t take much effort to track it. No matter where it stepped, short of solid rock, it left footprints. If we''d found a boulder with a bear paw shaped indent, I wouldn''t have been super surprised.


    So we moved faster than we had while tracking the other Bear back to its den. We weren''t quite sprinting, but we definitely ran as often as we could, only slowing when we had to scale a cliff the fuckin'' bear had just kinda stepped over or shit. By lunch Chloros said the tracks were less than twelve hours old. Not sure how she knew, except maybe something about them not having been there before dawn? I got no fuckin'' clue, but I trusted her training and judgement.


    Unfortunately, some time around midafternoon we stopped gaining ground. We''d gotten to maybe eight hours behind it, but weren''t closing the gap any more. Right around nightfall, I looked at the Cadets and said, "keep moving, I gotta check something in M-Space. Heads on swivels, Cadets."


    I stepped over to M-Space to check my tentacles. I''d meant what I said, the reach of my big tentacles in the Mortal Realm was kinda curtailed. I rose until I could see them clearly on the horizon, then reached out to myself. Here in M-Space the big ones could reach, no problem. I lay my hand on one of them, pulling in Mana to keep myself fresh and topped off, hoping that if we did come across a Bear that made an AT-AT look like a matchbox car, me having all the Mana in the world to hit it with shit would make a difference.


    Right before I stepped back to the Mortal Realm, where I half intended to test my tentacles reach on that side, I noticed a figure leaping toward me. Paranoia still tickling at the back of my brain, I had Mana Blades extended before I recognized her.


    Lily slid to a stop in front of me, skittering away a couple steps, as if that would matter. "Tabitha Diaz! Rabbit sent me to find you! The town is in danger!"

 Day Six Hundred

    Dear Diary,


    How bad is it that the first thing I felt when Lily bounded up to me and announced that the village was in danger was relief? Not relief at the village being in danger, just to be clear.


    I''m honestly not sure why I felt so much relief. Maybe because up until this point, all I''d done this week was look for shit without finding anything concrete. Maybe because of that day where I spent most of it on the lake and wound up totally got inside my own head in the worst of ways. Having someone come up to me and say ''danger'' made me think that maybe they''d point me at something I could do something about.


    Whatever reason I felt that way, when Lily made her announcement, I barely paused long enough to say, "Grandmother''s town, where Panther and Closer and Silk live?"


    She gave me an ''are you an idiot'' look, but said, "yes!"


    I held out a hand to her, and when she balked, cringing away, I banished my Mana Blades and said, "I can get us all there fast. You want a ride?"


    She almost shook her head, but steeled herself and grabbed my hand. The moment she did I stepped us back to the Mortal Realm.


    "CADETS! RALLY ON ME!" My shout had the desired effect. Within seconds all of them had broken whatever cover they''d been moving through and nearly reached me. "Link hands!"


    After the number of times I''d Translocated the group, none of them hesitated or asked questions. The moment everyone formed a chain back to me, including Brown surreptitiously gripping Lilly''s far hand in theirs, I stepped us to right outside Grandmother''s house.


    The moment we arrived, I froze. The village echoed with the sound of people coughing. I turned to Lily. "What kind of danger?"


    She pointed northward. "The Dire Bear!"


    I blew out a lungful of stress filled air as the Cadets dropped their packs and unlimbered their weapons. I don''t know what made me ask, lingering paranoia maybe, but I captured Lily''s gaze with my own and said, "so there''s not a Plague epidemic in the town?"


    She grit her teeth and stamped her foot. "Of course there is. But the Bear will make all that moot! Why else would I seek aid from a Plague Spirit?"


    I froze again, trying to remember how to breathe. "This started after our last visit." She shrugged, then nodded. "How long? How many dead?"


    She glanced northward, then back to me, dancing back and forth like she wanted to run. "Even now Rabbit tries to distract the Bear, but they can only do so much!"


    I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and blew it out. Then I opened them, looked at each of my Cadets, and said, "your mission goal is to delay or distract the Bear. Do not engage unless it gets in view of the town. Assist Rabbit if at all possible. Buy me time." I looked at each of them until they nodded, then said, "Go." They went, Brown calling out formations and brainstorming ideas with Ryan as they ran.


    I tuned back to Lily. "How. Long? How. Many. Dead?"


    "Your warriors won''t stop it! Rabbit can barely delay it!"


    I didn''t think. My hand lashed out, and I grabbed her chin, forcing her to look into my eyes. I desperately wanted to go with my Cadets, but I could not leave. My feet wouldn''t take a step in the direction of the Bear, and it had nothing to do with fear or any bullshit like that. There were children and sick people in the village. I couldn''t walk away from that. Literally could not. The raw frustration from that leaking into my voice, I said, "I asked you two questions. Answer. Them."


    Frozen in delectable fear, even her eyes frozen, she snapped out, "The first fell ill days ago. The first died this morning. The very old and the very young. Just like your kind always take first."


    I would not lash out at her for blaming me for... no, for assuming I was another of the fuckin'' Plague Gods like the ones I''d killed. Like I''d become, since I killed them. Shit. Fuck. Dammit. "I didn''t ask for this. I didn''t and don''t want this. But you might have missed one or two things."


    She sniffed. "What thing did I miss that matters?"


    "I am also a Goddess of Healing. More importantly, I''m a Goddess of Children. Can you fight that Bear? Or even distract it?" She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. That gave me as much of an answer as I needed. "Bring them all here. Every one that''s died, every child, every elderly person."


    "Are the dead so far not enough of a price for saving us from that thing?" She nodded toward where I heard the distant sound of an explosion.


    I stopped myself right before biting her head off. I''m not sure if I''d planned on doing it metaphorically, literally, or hopping us both to M-Space and doing some combination of both. After a deep centering breath, I lay a hand on her shoulder, then shifted my other hand to her other shoulder. "Look. Lily. I don''t want anybody dead. I''m feeling really fuckin'' stupid for not thinking about disease vectors after our visits. But I swear to you, I do not intend to let anyone else in this town die, or let any who died from my stupidity stay that way. But that thing," I nodded toward the faint, distant sounds of battle. "Does not give a shit about what any of us want. You''re right, eventually it will get through my Cadets, and if I''m not done with the Healing before then, it''s gonna wreak havoc and cause all kinds of property damage and suffering before I can stop it. But," I tried to let her see, tried for a moment not to be a Goddess of Trickery who never let anything real show through to anybody but my ladies. "I literally cannot leave until I''ve made this right." I sighed, then dropped to one knee, my hands slipping down to hers. "Please. Lily. Will you help me?"


    She looked down at me, her sneer waxing and waning until, finally, she gave me a single short, sharp nod. I let go of her hands and she leapt away.


    I stepped into Grandmother''s house only to hear quiet weeping interrupted by a bout of painful coughing. I pushed through the curtain into the main room. Closer, Sparrow, and Dandelion tried to hold Silk down where he was coughing himself out, blood and phlegm pouring out of his mouth with each cough. Panther and Finch lay on a pallet with their heads propped up, cloths on their foreheads and sachets of herbs on their chests. Grandmother and Sunflower lay side by side, eyes closed. Not wheezing. Because they weren''t breathing.


    "No."


    In the lightlessness outside Time, I stared at Grandmother''s spirit, holding Sunflower''s by her side, one hand on her forehead. Before I could move, before I could think, I felt her behind me.


    "Can you help them, Mom?"


    Her voice carved out of ambient noise and lack of sound, she snorted and said, "why?"


    I drew her around in front of me, glared right into her eyes and said, "because it would give me an excuse to keep you around to keep your granddaughter happy. Now. Can you remove the pathogens and mucus from them?"


    For the first time since I''d first encountered her, she looked uncertain. "Perhaps. Unlikely without causing further harm. Does that matter?"


    "Yes, it fucking..." I shouted, then paused. She''d asked. She''d asked rather than just harming people negligently. "Yes, Mom. It matters." I scrambled, then my lips curved in something that might have been a grin. "Can you stop that fuckin'' Dire Bear just north of here? And by stop, I''m fine with you killing it dead."


    She got a faraway look in her eyes as she glanced northward. "Dire...? Oh. The Dragon spawn. At that size, excising it would cause significant collateral if done from outside Time." I frowned at her, and she shrugged and said, "Dragons."


    "Can you hurt it, or slow it down? Fuck, can you kill it if you''re not outside of Time?"


    She shrugged. "With or without collateral?"


    I rolled my eyes. "Without."


    She cocked her head, considering. Then smiled smugly. "It will take Time."


    I took a deep breath, let it out. "Fine. Go. Slow it. Stop it. No collateral."


    She nodded, and was gone. In the space beyond Time, I Co-Located one of me back to the Mortal Realm, then stretched as many tentacles as could reach me here. Here in M-Space, my big ones could reach just fine. Back in the Mortal Realm, I got the impression they''d be attenuated and have almost zero leverage. But they conducted Mana just fine.


    I stepped back into Time, and lay a hand each on Grandmother and Sunflower. "Cure." Mana flowed, and the three semi-mobile people in the room turned to glare at me. "Revive."


    Both of them sat up, gasping. Grandmother even looked a little less than composed as she turned to me and said, "didn''t expect you back."


    My face heated as I turned to Panther, the next closest person to me. "Yeah. Sorry. Didn''t intend this. Should have seen it coming. Didn''t, because I''m an idiot." Then I lay a hand on Panther. "Cure." Mana flowed, and he started coughing. "Heal." HIs coughing got worse, but it was the coughing of an otherwise healthy person trying to evacuate everything out of their lungs.


    You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.


    As I turned to do the same for Finch, Grandmother muttered, "just as bad as Silk."


    The moment Finch started clearing her lungs, I moved on to Silk, who hadn''t stopped coughing. I wasn''t rough about it, but I pushed my way past the others to lay a hand on his chest, holding him down as he gasped for air. "Cure. Heal." Then I let him up as he started coughing productively, splattering all of us with the unwanted contents of his lungs. While the others winced, I hit each of them with a Cure as well.


    Closer raised his hands in a defensive gesture as I reached for him, but Grandmother snapped out, "she''s trying to help. Let her."


    "Anyone else here?" When their heads shook, I said, "when you''re cleaned up I might need some help outside. Not sure how good Lily is at carrying people. Let me know if any of them," I nodded to Silk, Panther, and Finch. "Need another Heal before they''re done clearing their systems."


    I left to the sound of Sparrow emptying her guts onto the floor while Grandmother took over. When I got outside, I heard more explosions in the distance, now intermingled with the roars of an absolutely enraged Dire Bear in the kind of pain that told me it had lost some painfully important bits.


    Kitten?


    Yes, love?


    I need Vulcan at Grandmother''s village.


    Should Marie or I bring him?


    Part of what I loved about my Kitten. She didn''t ask painfully obvious questions with embarrassing answers like ''why didn''t I go get him'' or shit like that. I want you here like air, but there''s a fuckin'' Dire Bear bigger than the last one on the way, so Imperator Sexypaws, first of her name, really shouldn''t be here.


    At that point I made it to the clear area I''d sat with Lily and Rabbit, where Lily had laid out half a dozen bodies. Three old women. One old man. One kid younger than Sunflower. One bundle the size of...


    "No."


    In my wireframe world I knelt down, lifted that tiny bundle, and breathed that one terrible word. "Live."


    Mana flowed, flowed from tentacles in M-Space to the me there to the me standing outside of Time. It felt like nearly as much as when I''d Revived Ria. Not that I cared about that right now. A thousand, thousand tiny motes flowed back together, flowed back into that tiny body. I stepped back into Time and Lily skidded to a stop with a pair of coughing children in her arms as the baby in my own screamed for her mother.


    "How?"


    "Power. Bring her mother next please?" Tucking the squalling bundle under my arm, I leaned down and Cured, then Revived the old folks, then the kid. All of them sat up with that same cocaine enema look in their eyes. Then they started shivering as the cold of the snow still lying on the ground hit them. "Get inside." I turned to see Closer and Sparrow behind me. "Get them inside." Right then I noticed two figures standing atop Grandmother''s house, one big one standing gingerly, like she didn''t want to fall through the roof, the other little one with her feet planted firmly, calmly stringing Vulcan. "Kitten!"


    She smiled grimly down at me. "When our friends are under attack, this is exactly where I should be." Especially since I half suspect this was intended for us.


    I can''t leave the village until I''ve fixed the fucking Plague we brought.


    The... shit. She nodded, then half turned to Marie while her hands worked to cock Vulcan. "Get us vision, please, lovely Marie?"


    Marie nodded, grinned at both of us, then leapt clean clear of the village, dropping to all fours and sprinting as she hit the ground.


    What, no roar? I snarked. I had a lot of tension at the moment.


    Sneaky. I need to remember that Marie has millennia of experience at all the normal daily life things, including snark.


    With that I turned back to Lily, who''d brought me another pair of little ones, both wheezing.. "Is anyone else dead or nearly so?" She shook her head while I Cured and Healed the pair in her hands. Thankfully neither of them needed me to force them back together the way I had the earlier baby. "Okay then. Get everyone outside."


    "But..."


    "I need them outside, where I can see them from up there." I pointed.


    "Up where?"


    I stepped up above the village, high enough to see every edge of it, and shouted, "Here!" Then I stepped back down next to her. "Can you do that? Spread the word?" She nodded. "Then do it!"


    As she bounded off, I stepped over to where Saffron stood, Vulcan in her arms. We might have a problem, Kitten.


    Other than a resurgent Plague and a Dire Bear of impressive size?


    Mom showed up. She tells me that she can''t erase the Dire Bear without ''collateral''. Too much Dragon in it.


    Her face scrunched up in an adorable little moue. I know she intended to look put out, and I''m sure the members of the Grand Council had learned to fear that look by now, but I couldn''t help it, I just smiled up at her from where I knelt on the roof, trying to spread my weight around a little. She looked down at me, the moue vanishing into a regal glare. Well then. I shall still open fire the moment I see it, even if I won''t expect it to die quite as easily as the dragon whose mouth you so cleverly kept open. But... Attack Dog?


    Woof.


    The moment the village is Cured and Healed, you are to end that thing.


    Woof! Woof! Yip!


    Goof. She smiled down at me affectionately, shaking her head as she did.


    I barked out a laugh. I''m not the one getting licked all over once we''ve dealt with all this.


    Who says?


    We sat like that for another few minutes, Lily dashing from house to house with great leaping bounds, some of the inhabitants of those houses just coming out and standing there shivering under blankets, some of them running to other houses to roust people out. In the distance, slowly drawing closer, the sounds of massive trees being shattered to kindling slowly drew nearer. A sharper, clearer roar sounded over the Bear''s earthquake rumble, cut off with a sudden squeal of pain.


    Marie!


    Ouch. Her deadpan response let me know that while one of her might not be in great shape, she wasn''t in mortal danger at the moment.


    A second later we got our first look at the thing. Scale was hard to tell until one of the Cadets came into view. O''Brien, by his bulk, I think, but I couldn''t be sure. Whoever it was had a big two handed sword like O''Brien, so I guessed the tiny figure stabbing one of the Dire Bear''s pickup truck sized paws had to be him. He''d definitely been practicing the fine art of ducking, because the Dire Bear reacted kind of like somebody who''d been stabbed with a nail; it kicked it''s paw sideways, roaring. O''Brien rolled forward under the paw, then out the other side before it came crashing down to crush him. Then he bolted, sprinting eastward. The Dire Bear, which seemed to lumber slowly, still managed to mostly keep up with him. If it hadn''t had to crash through trees he dashed between, it probably would have caught him.


    While it chased, I got a better look at it. Bone plating covered most of it, including big fuckin'' solid looking plates all down it''s back. The way it moved, they weren''t quite solidly attached, but by the cacophonic noise it had more plates under them, covered by the big ones. More plates covered its limbs, except at the joints, where spurs stuck out from the plates. Some of those plates had huge cracks in them, but nothing that went through the second layer of plating. As I watched, another section of plating just disappeared, but other than a bit of growling, the bear didn''t react. All in all, the thing looked less like a Bear and more like some kind of gargantuan tail-less ankylosaur. Yes, I had a favorite dinosaur. No, it wasn''t the ankylosaur. It was the Tyrannosaur. Rapper name T Rex, with those itty bitty arms.


    At that point Lily called up, "Tabitha Diaz! We are ready!"


    I hugged Saffron, stood, and drew Mana from the me sitting in M-Space. I kept drawing it until my hair rose off my head and a flickering glow surrounded me. I stepped above the village, and before I could begin falling, shaped. "Mass Cure."


    I stepped over to M-Space, blasted myself full of Mana again, then stepped back. "Mass Heal."


    The pulses hit the village, and a few people started coughing up phlegm, but most of them stood up and made cheering motions. Lily glared at me as I stepped back down, right about when trickles of Worship started hitting me. I stepped over to her. "Yeah, I know I don''t deserve it. But right now I''ve got to go deal with that Dire Bear. Can you get everyone back inside?"


    She just glared and nodded, and I stepped to Marie, who''d gotten herself onto the back of the fuckin'' Dire Bear. I leaned over to her and muttered, "can you get Chloros to Saffron?" At her nod, I gave her a kiss, then said, "do it. She''s the best Crossbow shot I''ve seen yet. I''ll see what I can do to get it''s mouth open."


    With that, she was gone, leaving me on the back of the bear. I sprinted for the thing''s head, Mana Blades extending from my arms. After about a dozen feet I stepped to the top of it''s head and plunged my Blades straight down in between a pair of plates. They sank about two inches in, hit its skull, and didn''t go much further.


    "Fuck." I stepped into the air and back down to its back as it raked a paw full of massive claws through the space I''d just been. "Okay, Smokey. Lets..."


    The Dire Bear staggered backward as a bar of blue light connected it to the town in the distance, angling upward from its head. I leapt to its snout and looked at its face; while a huge scorch mark and shattered bone showed where Vulcan''s bolt had hit it right in the eye, the latticework of bone in front of its eyes had protected it, at least once. The thick bone plating had cracked, but it was still there, still protecting its eye.


    Shit. Good shot, Kitten, but no joy.


    That was your Cadet. She''ll need a moment before she''s ready to fire again.


    I''ll bet. Tell her not to bother with the eyes. Crank Vulcan up a bit higher, wait for me to get its mouth open.


    She sent me a mental nod, and I leapt back to the back of the thing''s head. It stood, reaching back to paw at me. I stepped out of the path of the incoming paw, only to have it change direction mid swipe. "Aw, c''mon!" I Translocated past it, and it bonked me with the side of its head. Shit broke, and I collapsed back to the me in M-Space, then Co-Located back out, ignoring the pain of my injuries. It spun in place as I stepped right to the middle of its back, pulling my sword staves and driving them right into the spot it couldn''t reach between its shoulder blades. They didn''t go in very far, but they let me hang on in a spot it couldn''t reach. I''d gambled a little on it being unable to reach that spot, and also unwilling to turtle itself by slamming its back into the ground. I''d also landed in a little divot that ran all along its spine, which only made it harder for it to get to me.


    At that point, it growled, then started turning, trying to reach me. As I spun, dangling by my weapons, I reached out with my tentacles, grabbing it by the ankles and paws. Much like before, those bone spurs tore at me, and with how little leverage I had, I couldn''t seem to get it to stop turning. That shit hurt, and I screamed, but the Dire Bear kept its fuckin'' mouth shut. Just my luck, I finally want a monster to try and bite me, and I get one that understands ''Shut The Fuck Up''.


    I pulled my tentacles away, pissed off and in pain. I turned my head, getting dizzy as the bear kept spinning. I glimpsed the village in the distance as we spun. Once, twice, a third time, I tried to get the timing down as about half of my tentacles Shaped. As it spun to face the village again, half of my tentacles grabbed its arm, slowing its rotation. Just as the other half all stabbed it in the crotch with Mimic-tentacle sized Mana Lances.


    That got a roar from it. Briefly. A moment later, the Dire Bear went silent, the whole thing shuddering. Its arm shredded my tentacle tips as it pulled free, and I tried to get my bearings back, tried to banish the dizziness as weightlessness added a different type of disorientation. A moment later, the me on its back got a whole fuckin'' lot of compression trauma as the little spot i was in got filled with dirt. Not quite dead, I collapsed back to the me in M-Space, then stagger-stepped back to the roof of Grandmother''s house.


    "Nice shot. I''mma lie down now. Ow."


    Saffron leaned over, and I noticed Marie putting Vulcan away as Chloros lay there kinda panting and looking very whelmed. Possibly even overwhelmed. Then my Kitten leaned in and said those lovely words that released all the endorphins and released my grip on consciousness. "Good Girl."

 Day Six Hundred And One

    Dear Diary,


    I know I''ve wound up losing consciousness quite a bit in the here and now, but sometimes I wonder exactly why I''ve wound up succumbing to the sweet, sweet embrace of unconsciousness some times and not others. Like, I get it, there are plenty of times when I managed to get myself mauled or maul myself so badly that it would be entirely irrational for me to expect to retain consciousness. Like dropping out of the sky from a few miles up; the fact that I''ve done that and am still walking around is a fuckin'' miracle, but honestly, I don''t remember hitting the water. Also, a short dozen of me rode my Black Dragon down from that same kinda height, and I was still upright and cranky enough to snark at my Admiral about how Black Dragon is actually a Battleship, not a sailboat with delusions of grandeur.


    Maybe it''s the amount of Mana I threw around the day I Cured New Amsterdam? Because I think that''s definitely one of the biggest single things I''ve ever Shaped. I think most of the other times I knocked myself out were times I''d thrown around way too much Mana. My Cure-a-palooza during the Plague, for instance. At the end of that I wound up down for the count for the better part of a week. Okay, I got up pretty much once a day, but sometimes ''got up'' wasn''t so much getting vertical as being conscious and horizontal. In fact, I think I remember one of the days I did nothing but horizontal things with Marie until I passed back out. So maybe it''s Mana expenditure, but again, creating the Black Dragon ex nihilo is right up there with Curing New Amsterdam. Also, I threw around a shit ton of Mana during the Liberation of Calverton, and I didn''t even pass out. I was kinda tapped by the end, but more ''hoo, boy, I need a sit down'' than ''give me a flat surface and a couple of days of unconsciousness''.


    Of course, I''m really hoping it''s not some kind of weird thing about Curing people, because I did that yesterday too, and that''s one thing New Amsterdam, the Curing Phileo, and yesterday had in common, along with me losing consciousness at the end. The end of the event, not the end of the day. Because that''s the whole reason I''m giving my own loss of consciousness all this side eye. Or, really, self-examination, because I''m really not suspicious that someone external is doing this to me, although now that I mention it I probably should make sure of that. But yesterday at the end of the Battle with the Bear I decided it was time to clock out for the day.


    Woke up in Saffron''s arms as she lay with her head on Marie''s lap. Hell of a pleasant set of partners to wake up to. Only things that could have made it better were Siobhan and the kids.


    "Hey, Kitten."


    "Good Evening, love."


    My thought on waking floated back to the forefront of my brain, so I asked, "Where''s Siobhan?"


    She smiled down at me. "By special request of the Imperator, the Academy has loaned her to Grandmother''s village for long enough to confirm the health of everyone in the village, not to mention teaching anyone capable of Shaping the Shape for Assess Health."


    I grunted out something approaching a positive response to that, then mumbled, "not much good to know they''re sick if they can''t Cure it."


    She shrugged. "Oddly enough, Grandmother herself knows a shape similar to Cure. Not the same, but Siobhan tells me it''s more than potent enough to deal with the Plague they''ve just survived."


    "Gotta quarantine..."


    She chuckled, and the effects of that on her anatomy totally wiped any thoughts more complex than ''jiggle'' out of my head. "Siobhan and I both thought of that, love. Thankfully, the snows have done our work for us in that; no one has left the village for over a month. The last to leave were the various groups of hunters, and since the group you met brought back plenty of meat, they had no real reason to leave. So like the very practical and sensible people they seem to be, they bunkered down, worked on a few small indoor crafts to prepare for spring, and spent most of their time socializing. Until the Plague hit, at least."


    My brain chose that moment to remind me of why I felt so shitty, in a moral sense. "Same Plague?"


    She shook her head, but didn''t look entirely relieved or un-guilty. "Distantly related, but not the same. Very likely of Europan origins. By my best guess, something our women brought with them from Persia."


    "Kids?"


    She smiled down at me, brushing my hair out of my face. "All the children here are fine. If anything, they recovered faster than their parents, and are presently playing in the town center with our own little band of miscreants." She frowned for a moment. "If you''re asking why our children weren''t struck ill, I suspect whatever illness struck the village here was similar enough to the Plague, which all of ours survived, that if they got sick, it was mild enough that we didn''t register it as anything serious."


    The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.


    I worked a stretch through me, one body part at a time. "Anything I can do to help?"


    She shrugged. "Siobhan and I have been working most of the day, as have the Cadets, although I''ve placed them on light duty. They weren''t quite as exhausted as you seem to be, but they did fight a marvelous delaying action against that Dire Bear. Speaking of, did you say something about it being Draconic?"


    I shrugged, enjoying the feel of my skin against her squish. I realized right then that I''d been changed into The Dress. "Mom said so. I don''t think she cares enough to lie."


    "Then there''s probably a Dragon involved. I''ll look into that."


    "But... I could..."


    "You, my love, have class to teach in the morning."


    "But..."


    "No buts. You''ve gone all week without sleep. Tonight, you sleep at home, tomorrow, back to train your Cadets."


    "Yes, Ma''am."


    "Good Girl."


    That kinda melted me. After drifting I remembered something. "Hey, are Rabbit and Lily okay?"


    It definitely tested my sphincter control when she said, "who?"


    Marie also looked a little perturbed, and answered, "Spirits."


    Saffron frowned a little at that, but I said, "don''t worry too much. They both seem really skittish. I''m gonna stop by and talk to them on the way home. Will you be okay here?"


    She nodded. "I''ve told them I''ll remain here until any possible negative impact of the Alliance association with the village is ameliorated. I expect to be home before you''re done class tomorrow. I''ll have Marie and Siobhan with me."


    I rolled to my feet, pulling both of them with me. After a long hug and sharing some nice mouth to mouth, I stepped to M-Space and walked, no Translocation, to the center of the village. A cheery fire burned there, and Rabbit sat warming her hands. Lily stood next to her, clearly ready to bolt.


    "Hey, guys," I walked to a seat near them, and kinda nodded toward it. Rabbit nodded, and I sat. "Thanks." I heaved a sigh. "I''m sorry. I put your people in danger. Twice."


    "You did." Rabbit''s words weren''t an accusation, just a statement. They also weren''t forgiveness.


    "I''ve done what I can to make things right. If there''s anything else I can do please, let me know."


    Lily bristled.  "If you''ve aught else you could do, why haven''t you?"


    I hung my head. "Because I''m a dumbass, and don''t always realize that something needs to be done. Or that it''s something I can or should do."


    "Are your people going to be staying here?" Rabbit''s question could have been an accusation, but it wasn''t.


    I shrugged. "Only until everything''s set to rights." I let that statement stand. "Or until you want us to leave. You say the word, we''ll go. I''ll be going home as soon as we''re done talking."


    Lily did a double take at that. "You''d leave your woman and children here with us?"


    I smiled at her. "Of course I would. You''re decent people. Not the kind to take shit out on them when I''m right here, hands down, not gonna do shit if either of you have something you need to do."


    Rabbit just cocked her head, but Lily stalked over. I watched as she worked herself up. Her hand flew up, and she paused, still steeling herself before she brought the back of her hand down across my cheek. "I probably deserved that." Then she slapped me with her open palm. "I definitely deserved that." She pulled back again, and I just looked at her, capturing her gaze with my own. "Do you really think I deserve any more than that? I could show you how to throw a punch."


    She froze, then pointedly looked away from me and stalked off to stand on Rabbit''s far side. Rabbit looked at me and said, "would you really?"


    "Yeah."


    "You know, I think you would."


    I sighed. "I really hope my kids are still welcome here. It does them good to socialize with folks outside the Homestead, I think."


    Rabbit might have smiled at that, I''m not sure. "So long as Grandmother welcomes them, I see no problem with that." Then she really did smile. "Even if your smallest is... intimidating."


    I smiled back. "Yeah. She is. But she''s a good kid at heart. She just takes a little extra attention now and then to keep her from going off the rails. But that''s true of everybody." My smile turned a little melancholy. "Even me, I guess."


    She stood and walked over to me. I braced myself, but she just held out a hand. I reached out and shook her hand, and then she was gone. Or, rather, both of them were out of sight, but I still felt them somewhere nearby. "Welp. I guess I''ll be going then. Send for me if you need anything. Marie, Saffron, and Siobhan can contact me anywhere, immediately."


    With that I stepped home. Home to a solitary shower, a solitary soak, and a solitary curl up in bed. Of course, before I fell asleep my family crowded in around me. "You didn''t have to come home alone, Goof."


    "Aren''t you still supposed to be in the village?"


    "Siobhan finished checking everyone. We''ll all go back in the morning. But for tonight we''ll be here with you."


    I fell asleep surrounded by my kids and ladies. Dreamt of my ladies relaxing in my Maw like it was the Bath. Woke early, as was usual on my days teaching.


    Dunno what my Cadets saw in me today, but even Hildegarde and Citron wound up being super reserved while I ran them around the Yard for warmup, not to mention when I paired them up for partners Isometrics.


    "Okay, Cadets. Your instructor just fought a kaiju bear yesterday, so I''m a little less than fresh. That half," I waved to the western portion of the Yard. "Is basketball this morning, dancing practice this afternoon. The other half is dancing in the morning and basketball in the afternoon. I''ll be working with anyone who wants or I think needs extra help." I looked them over, and they all seemed kinda eager to get playing or dancing. "Get to it."


    Weirdest thing today? Hildegarde and Citron not only choosing dancing over basketball, but choosing each other as partners.


    I mean, they still stepped all over each other with both of them tryna lead, but... baby steps.

 Day Six Hundred And Two

    Dear Diary,


    Yesterday''s class really shook me, but it didn''t hit me until now. Seriously, what the hell, it''s like my teaching methods aren''t complete ass and are maybe working or something. Or maybe my two problem children have decided to team up and confuse me until I give in and let them beat the shit out of one another again.


    Gotta check with Poppa Lancaster when I talk with him, see what he thinks. Wait, no. I can''t call him ''Poppa'' Lancaster any more, because Larry and Bonnie have Lucas now. ''Big Daddy'' has the same problem. ''General'' has too much respect, and I''m honestly not sure if it''s true any more. Like, he''s still got all the Skills, obviously, but he hasn''t got the official title. At least I don''t think he does. Unless it''s a Title, and once he''s got it he can''t un-get it. Or maybe it can be un-gotten. I''m pretty sure I remember Conrad saying something about making me his Champion, then undoing that. Might have been during that whole amnesia incident, specifically while I had my Soul stretched out by the Machine That Shall Not Be Named. So he''s not a General, he''s a Grand Councilor. But that''s even worse than ''General'' for showing more respect than I really want to.


    It''s weird. I''m at the point where this dude is no longer my superior in any sense of the word. I don''t report to him, I don''t report to his God, I kind of report to his boss, if you consider Saffron the boss of the Alliance. Which means I''m kind of married to his boss. Who, if you look at in a way that I''m sort of perpetually avoiding, literally Worships me as her Goddess. I''m also technically the Patron Goddess of the Alliance. Twice.


    Shit. What the fuck is a lifelong rebel against authority supposed to do when all of a sudden I''m the fucking authority? I mean, I don''t want to do anything to make him feel it''s okay for him to go doing, y''know, oppressive exploitative shit like he had going on at Lancaster House before my arrival. But at the same time this could be another aspect of Shit Pyramid. Fuck, it totally is. If I keep dunking on Leonard Lancaster now that I''m the big dog and he''s categorically not, I''m just squatting and letting shit roll downhill. Which, I mean, shit doesn''t run uphill. I understand that. The folks at the bottom are always gonna wind up catching a larger ration of shit than those at the top. I think my whole point about breaking Shit Pyramid isn''t some kind of fucked up intent to reverse metaphoric gravity and make shit flow uphill, but to smash that fucker flat and use the bricks to make sure that everybody, even the folks at the very bottom, have a fuckin'' place to stand where at least their heads are above the shit. If we''ve got enough bricks to do so, maybe enough that they''re wholly out of the shit.


    I don''t know if we have enough metaphoric bricks to do that. I mean, I''m pretty sure Saffron does. I''m also pretty sure Saffron has prioritized metaphoric brick production, with the intent of increasing our ability to get people out of the shit. Even though I put her in charge, I''m still the one who put her in charge, and a lot of her authority devolves back to me being the Patron Goddess, Champion, Attack Dog, single most potent military force, and general shitkicker of the Alliance. Which means that I''m fucking responsible for whatever happens.


    Mother. Fucker.


    Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I am one. Apparently I''m gonna be one even more once we get Marie properly wifed, and I do not need the distracting thoughts of that right now. Right now I need to think about what I''m gonna do before i do it, because my habitual method of doing things isn''t gonna fuckin'' work. Or worse, it''ll work just fine, but it''ll lead to me copping a squat and dumping fertilizer all over the folks I''m tryna pull out of the shit. So first of all, when I talk with Leonard Lancaster this week, I gotta go out of my way to not be a completely disrespectful bitch. I mean, if he makes bigoted comments I''m gonna call him on it, but I gotta treat him at least as well as I''d treat, uh, Weyson? No, not Weyson, that guy''s a bigger dick than Lenny, and isn''t even as useful.


    Fuck. I''ve got to treat Weyson with basic respect, because he''s part of the fuckin'' Alliance now too. God fucking dammit, isn''t there one person I can metaphorically or literally punch in the dick without any kind of guilt over it?


    Even blood brother Odin seems to be behaving himself. If there is a single source behind these Dire Bears, perhaps them?


    Thanks, Dad. You really are the best.


    I know.


    Y''know, I''m gonna call him Lenny. No, it''s not proper kowtow respectful, but it''s also not, like, super rude. I''ll even be polite about it and shit. Also, I need to meet with Saffron this week, because I need to touch base with her and make sure she and I are on the same page about what direction the Alliance ought to be taking. I mean, I know she''s got all kinds of military plans, and those involve making sure the Alliance''s economy is stable and prospering, but I''ve got too much experience from back in the day about ''booming economies'' still fucking over the guys at the bottom. I guess I gotta focus on that whole idea that the real measure of a society isn''t how high the top reaches, but how the lowest members of it are doing.


    So yesterday''s Physical Training went by in a kid of a blur, mostly because one night of mild Worship and sleep wasn''t really enough to recover from a week of no sleep followed by a fight against the Direst of Bears. After like two weeks, Citron and Hildegarde had actually made progress. Not enough, but clear progress. Either of them could lead without being a dick about it, and either of them could follow cleanly. Even with each other, which is what really surprised me. The only real problem they had at this point was switching between leading and following.


    Kinda funny, but the two of them really did have things on hard mode with that, and I''d never really realized it, mostly because Saffron and I had always handed the lead back and forth so easily.


    So at the end of the day I pulled them aside, waving the rest of the students, including a surprisingly concerned Vickerson, off to dinner. Standing there in the twilight, I swallowed my smile at the surprising similarity of their wireframe silhouettes to Abbot and Costello. Aunties, VHS, yada, yada.


    Then the lights kicked on and I said, "you two been practicing outside of normal class time?" They both looked vaguely guilty and annoyed. "Look, I''m not gonna be pissed if you are. You both needed the practice so if anything you''re gonna get kudos for it, not kicks in the ass."


    I noticed their eyes flicker toward each other, but didn''t comment. They both started to say something, then both shut up when they realized the other was talking. Citron recovered first, saying, "go ahead, Hildegarde."


    Of course she shook her head once, sharply, and muttered, "you''re better with words, Carroll." When he didn''t say anything, she frowned at him. "So talk."


    "If you''re sure?" She nodded, and he turned back to me. "Apologies, Ma''am. Yes, Cadet Hildegarde and I have been practicing our coordination outside of class time."


    I nodded. "It shows. You''re not quite where you need to be yet. But you''re close." Then my brain kicked in and reminded me of my own first Season schedule and exactly how brutal it was. "Wait. When exactly have you guys been practicing? Because if you''re shorting yourselves on sleep that can''t be good for your grades in your other classes." They both kind of blushed at that. "Seriously, don''t get all your other professors pissed at me because I''m screwing you two up in their classes."


    "Not that," blurted Hildegarde.


    I waited, but she didn''t elaborate. Finally Citron sighed and said, "We did shift our schedules slightly to have the same Devotional day."


    I blinked at that. "Excuse me? One of you changed religions just for this?"


    Citron barked out a laugh. "No, Ma''am. Nothing quite so extreme. Even if someone did suggest... Never mind. Cadet Hildegarde''s Patron is, apparently, flexible regarding her Devotional day."


    My brain was lagging today. Had to be the fatigue. "Okay, wait, are you telling me the two of you have been locking yourselves in a cell together for weeks?"


    "One week." Hildegarde didn''t sound incredibly happy about it, either.


    "Okay, sure. That''s... and neither of you are dead?"


    Hildegarde snorted. Cadet Citron got that rectal kumquat look, then hissed out, "one time! I passed out one time!"


    Hildegarde rolled her eyes. "Sure. Whatever."


    "Are you implying I cannot count?"


    She just shrugged. At that point I felt like I had to step in lest my burgeoning power couple lose all their progress. Then my brain realized what I''d just referred to them as. "Cadets, I''m not gonna ask about exactly what you''ve been doing to practice. I will, however, ask... do your Patrons have any problem with what you''ve been doing?"


    Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.


    Citron turned the kumquat look on me and managed to force out, "The Dagda has no issue with anything I''ve done."


    I nodded to him, then turned to Hildegarde. when she didn''t say anything, I asked, "well?"


    "Well what?"


    I didn''t roll my eyes, but it was a close thing. "Does your Patron have a problem with anything you''ve been doing?"


    She looked me straight in the eye and said, "I dunno. Do you?"


    Took me a minute. Took me a fuckin'' minute. When I realized what she was saying, I opened my mouth, thought better of it, and turned to Citron. "Did you Consent to whatever happened?" When he hemmed and hawed, I was flustered enough to just quietly say, "did she or did she not rape you?"


    "NO!"


    Before I could say anything else, Hildegarde muttered out, "really? Damn."


    "NOT funny, Cadet. I don''t find that kind of joke funny at all."


    "Sorry, Ma''am. Won''t happen again, Ma''am." The weirdest thing? She was, and I could tell she meant it. I mean, she''s a fuckup just like me, so I''m sure she might slip the fuck up at least as often as I did, but intentions still count for something, and her intention was to avoid that kind of shit in the future.


    I pinched the bridge of my nose, just to give me an excuse to close my eyes and think for a second. "Okay, you two. For what it''s worth, I''m not sure whatever you''ve been doing is entirely healthy, but on the other hand it seems to be working. Tomorrow morning I''ll work with you two and we''ll see if we can''t get the two of you squared away to the point I can in good conscience let you start working on actual Combat Training."


    They both nodded, and Cadet Citron muttered, "I do hope we''ve not fallen behind."


    I snorted. "You two were both well ahead of the class, Citron. They haven''t caught up to you yet in anything except coordination. They definitely haven''t ''left you behind''."


    "How do we catch up with them in that?" Hildegarde asked, for once sounding marginally polite.


    I shrugged again. "I''ll work with the two of you on Saturdays, and whenever I can spare the time, but you might want to get your class'' specialist in that involved." When the two of them both cocked their heads like the RCA dog I managed to keep my laugh down and explained, "Cadet Vickerson. She knew how to coordinate a squad down in Calverton, and she''s only gotten better at it since then." I realized then that we''d been out longer than I intended, so I nodded to them and said, "Dismissed. Go get some dinner."


    No idea if they did or not. Not my lookout, either. Not really. Fuck, I''m Hildegarde''s Patron. It actually was my lookout. Not like I had any idea what to do, but I''d have to figure something out. I mentally noted that I needed to meet with Siobhan this week too, I think, at least.


    Then I got a sudden rush of brains to the fuckin'' head. Siobhan?


    Yes, Mistress?


    I need to talk with you about some Cadet shit this week at some point. Can you grab me at some point when you have a few minutes?


    I can and will, Champion.


    Any reason you''re being so formal, Darling?


    None at all, Tabitha. Will you be along to dinner soon?


    Be there shortly.


    I felt her attention drift, and thought, Saffron?


    Yes, love?


    At some point this week you and I need to have a chat. I felt her tense, and quickly thought, nothing bad, I just... I feel like I don''t know enough about what''s going on with the Alliance.


    So I''m to be called to account for all of those things I''ve done which displease you?


    No! No, nothing like that, I... right about then I caught the edges of her mental chuckle. Okay, I''m gonna spank you just a little for teasing me like that, but other than that, I just... I feel like I''m responsible for... for... for everything.


    Have I failed you? This time she actually sounded concerned, just a little.


    No! No, not at all. I don''t want your job, and you love your job, and you''re doing a great job, as far as I know, but... I''m the one who put you there. It''s my name in the ''Patron Goddess'' slot. Twice, kinda. So I figure I ought to at least sit down every now and then and let you pummel my brain with what''s going on. Also, maybe make sure that you and I are on the same page in terms of, I dunno, priorities? Like, I''m pretty sure nothing on your list is a no go for mine and vice versa, but if somebody is getting left behind, I want to know why, and maybe see if there''s not something I could do to help not leave them behind.


    Then she was there, in my arms, her weight grounding me, her warmth... healing me. "Of course, love. I... I''ve not brought things up because I thought you''d be disinterested."


    "You mean you thought I''d fall asleep when you talked about shit." I lifted her and snuggled her to me.


    She laughed. "No, not really. But I did think you''d be bored."


    I nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I might be, but I''m tryna be a better person. In this case, that means taking enough responsibility to at least sit and listen while you tell me what''s going on, and I dunno, have some idea what I''m signing off on."


    "You haven''t signed anything, love. I''m not sure anyone would believe your signature is yours."


    I frowned at her. "Why not?"


    She chuckled. "It''s so neat and tidy. Like your writing, really. Honestly, it''s the only thing about you that is."


    "That sounds like a complaint."


    She pouted up at me. "I''ve only one complaint right at the moment."


    "Oh?"


    "I''ll tell you after dinner."


    So I stepped us back to the dining room at the Homestead. Dinner was, big surprise, bear steaks. Nice roasted veggies on the side, and some kind of fried not-potatoes on the side as well. Pumpkin, maybe? I''m not sure, but getting Marie''s cooking after a week in the field had me utterly convinced of her divinity. Y''know, in case I needed convincing.


    As I carried my Kitten up to the Bath, I murmured, "so what''s the complaint?"


    She Co-Located the two of us to the Bedroom. "My ass remains entirely unspanked."


    "Not sure if I''m really in the right headspace for Penance right now."


    She giggled. "Who said anything about that?"


    My Kitten, she kinky sometimes. Fuck it, pot, kettle, and we had an iron and, I dunno, some other equally black cast iron implement with us as well if Siobhan''s fear fetish counted.


    Dreams got a little disturbing when soup dumpling Saffron taunted me until I spanked her, because unlike Actual Saffron, instead of pinking and squealing and getting horny as fuck, she kinda splattered. Okay, she also squealed and eventually got horny enough I woke up in the Bedroom well before dawn, unable to speak due to Kitten kitty obstructing my pie hole.


    Sorry, Kitten. got to go to work now.


    "Not... quite..." I''m really glad that my insanely high Endurance apparently translates to a seriously thick skull, because if I had a merely mortal one I''d have gone the way of Ericson at that point. She slumped over me, giggled, and said, "okay, you can go."


    I may have been a little less than perfectly patient with Citron and Hildegarde through the morning. I definitely ran them hard during the warm up, and made sure they''d been stretched thoroughly during the morning Isometrics. Not sure whether to credit it to me pushing them or them, uh, working together on their Devotional days, but by lunch I pulled them aside again and said, "okay, I think I can let you guys back into Combat Training proper this afternoon."


    "Thank you, Ma''am!"


    "Don''t thank me, you two did the work. Now go get some food."


    As they dashed off, I wondered if I really needed to meet with Lenny Lancaster this week. Of course, part of me still intended to, because I''m a self-destructive bitch who deliberately does painful things the most painful way because I''m still my own worst enemy. Another part wanted advice from somebody nominally older and wiser than me who''d done the kind of training I was doing now. Also, I''d said I was gonna, so I was gonna. But contemplating all that gave me an idea.


    I felt around mentally, then stepped to the dining room at Lancaster House. "Hey, Larry. You free this afternoon?"


    He looked up at me, then turned to Bonnie, who shrugged and made a little shooing motion with one hand. Never seen someone told to ''go play'' quite that affectionately or distractedly before. Then again, Most of her attention was taken up by Lucas, who appeared to be working on deflating a tit larger than his head. "What can I do for you, Commander?"


    "I''m about to start teaching the Cadets how to handle swords."


    He shrugged. "I''d say you''re more than qualified, but of course I''m willing to help."


    He nodded to the empty chair next to him, and I settled in to snag some lunch. "Thanks. Mostly, though, I kinda want you to tutor Citron once we get the rest of the class practicing. I''m pretty sure he''s better than me. With a sword, anyhow."


    He nodded at that. We chatted about the plans for the afternoon as we ate, and if I maybe got a little distracted when Bonnie swapped Lucas around to even out the deflation, Larry was even more distracted than me. Admittedly, his face had less ''surreptitious leer combined with awe at the sheer size of Bonnie''s bountiful bosom'' and more ''ongoing disbelief that he got to manhandle those mixed with new dad goofy''. But still, lunch came with a show.


    When we finished, Bonnie handed Lucas off to one of her Maenads. I couldn''t really tell which one, and that bugged me for some reason I couldn''t fathom. Then she stood and started for the steps. "Don''t be out too late!" she called over her shoulder as she sashayed away, followed by Lucas and his nursemaid.


    "Damn. You sure you want to come help me out?"


    He chuckled. "Like she''ll indulge me if I stay home now, after saying I''d help you."


    "Damn. Never thought having a wife dedicated to you keeping your personal integrity intact would have a down side, did you?"


    He smiled at me, and I realized right then that after everything, Larry was probably my best non-coital friend I had in the here and now. "You sound like you have personal experience with that."


    I snorted. "Me? Integrity? You must be thinking of someone else."


    Not much to tell about the afternoon. Larry and I demonstrated the basic sword moves we wanted the Cadets working on, then watched as each of them went through them once. After that, I set them in groups of three, two alternating through the moves while a third watched to critique their form and make sure nobody got any ideas about actually tryna swordfight. Once we got them working, I pulled Citron and Hildegarde aside.


    "Cadet Citron, you know Champion Lancaster?"


    "Yes?"


    "He''ll be helping you hone your swordplay today. Listen to him; you''re good, but I''m pretty sure he''s better. He''s faster, at any rate."


    "Yes, Ma''am!"


    I turned away as Larry stepped up to take over Citron, only to find Hildegarde looking at me with a weird mix of defiance and anticipation. "So you get to work with the least favored Cadet?"


    I chuckled. "Put a sock in it, Hildegarde. You''re the best Cadet in this class without weapons. Swords are never gonna feel natural for you. Hopefully Blades will at some point, but I''m not sure you''re there yet. But for right now, I''m gonna work with you on a mix of short swords, daggers, and hand to hand moves to use when facing somebody with a sword."


    She frowned midway through that, and when I waved for her to ask, said, "how do you know swords will never feel natural to me?"


    I smiled at her as I said, "just a guess. Because they''ve never felt natural to me, either."


    Y''know, I think I scored a hit with that one. Definitely had her complete and total attention all afternoon. Okay, except for one bit where Larry and Citron danced past us, their swords a flickering blur, while she and I lay on the ground mid-grapple. Can''t really blame her, for all that Citron''s a bit of a prig, the view was nice. I still faceplanted her for not paying attention though.

 Day Six Hundred And Three

    Dear Diary,


    So yesterday I wound up finally getting through to my problem children enough to get them working together enough to at least be able to dance together. I also discovered that they may have been practicing their dancing coordination by doing the horizontal mambo. Okay, ''may have been'' is kind of disingenuous, since they kinda admitted it. Now I''ve got to figure out what I have to do report that, since it''s apparently something worth noting. Shit, I wonder if I need to do the same for Ryan and Chloros. I mean, everyone involved is an adult, and I''m pretty sure nobody gets dinged for it, and I''m absolutely certain that ''conflict of interest'' is something everyone just kind of assumes everyone has no matter what they''re doing, but something tells me I still ought to let the folks that care about things know about it.


    Shit, I just realized why I need to. Not because ''oh, the Cadets are fucking, foul, foul'' or any bullshit like that, but as I mentioned to the Senior Cadets on the ride along, our Heroic martial tradition is based on the Sacred Brotherhood of Thebes, and admission to the Sacred Brotherhood required that the candidate be fuckin'' somebody in the Brotherhood. I sure as shit don''t want one of the Cadets nominally under my care to get passed over for promotion because the ''will fuck, will fight'' box wasn''t checked because I failed to report shit properly.


    Of course, that''s why I told Siobhan I needed to talk to her. At least part of why. The other part being that I want to be sure Hildegarde isn''t screwing herself up in ways I could prevent or at least mitigate by doing something that''s not out of line for a Patron or a decent human being. Because I''m sure there''s shit that Patrons are allowed or even expected to do that, y''know, I''d need to find a way to beat the shit out of myself again if I did them. I mean, my High Priestesses I''ve at least given them a no-wiggle direct order to do as they will, so if they''re doing me, it''s because they will. Because they want to. I hope.


    Okay, gonna step away from that line of thinking, because I''m not sure it''s healthy. I''ll talk with Siobhan about that, too. Possibly gonna talk to Saffron about it again. Really hope they don''t get bored with me doing that. Then again, when they get fed up they usually find a way to shut me up that involves my mouth doing something they enjoy, so, I dunno, maybe it''s foreplay.


    Yesterday when I got done with class, I sent Citron and Hildegarde on to dinner, thanked Larry with a big old back slapping bro hug before sending him home, and held Vickerson back until the rest of the Cadets left.


    "What did you need, Ma''am?"


    I chuckled. "Hungry? Don''t worry about missing out, I''ll ask Marie to make sure you get whatever you need to fill up on." She kinda spluttered something about favoritism, and I held up a hand. "I''d do that for any Cadet I kept from a meal, Cadet Vickerson. So..."


    Mittens? Could you make sure Cadet Vickerson gets enough to eat? I''m not sure how long I''m gonna keep her up here.


    Watch?


    I chuckled. I''m not doing anything like that, oh, she who desperately needs to be wifed into submission.


    Yes.


    Okay, okay, I can take a hint. I''m working on it. Meanwhile, make sure Vickerson doesn''t miss out on getting her nutrition? I got the mental impression of a nod, and turned back to the Cadet herself. "Okay, Marie will make sure you''re not underfed just because I''m keeping you back here."


    She tilted her head. "Did you do that for Citron and Hildegarde when you kept them back?"


    I snorted. "I doubt either of them would let being late to dinner stop them from getting food."


    "Sounds a little like special treatment to me, Ma''am."


    I nodded, "yeah, it might sound that way. But it''s not preferential treatment. I''m just tailoring how I''m treating you based on my read of each of you. Which is kind of what I kept you here to talk about."


    I waited until she said, "yes, Ma''am?"


    "I''ve been really focused on those two, and haven''t spent much time one on one with you over the past few weeks."


    She shrugged. "I haven''t really needed it, I don''t think."


    "Yeah, but you''re the best student in the class, and I''d be doing you a disservice if I didn''t spend at least a little time making sure you''re advancing as fast as you can."


    She looked a little taken aback by that. "Me? The best student in the class? Either of them could wipe the floor with me."


    "Yeah, probably. Meanwhile if I give each of them ten cadets and give you whoever''s left, I''m pretty sure your team would win any competition I put you in. On top of that, I don''t think anybody but those two is even a match for you."


    "Oh, Brown is fairly good, and there are a couple others who..." She trailed off as I grinned at her.


    "See what I mean? You even know your fellow classmate''s strengths and weaknesses. I''ve definitely been dropping the ball with you." I paused in thought for a second, and she just stood there, waiting mostly patiently, while I thought out loud. "Okay, I''m gonna need to work one on one at least a little with everyone in class. I''m also gonna need to carve out some more time for working directly with you. I also need to make sure our dynamic duo doesn''t slip back into their bickering. So, I''m gonna give you a special assignment. While I work my way through the rest of the Cadets in class, I''d like you to keep an eye on those two. Nothing really intrusive, just keep them from getting back at once another''s throats."


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    "I... I can do that, Ma''am."


    I nodded. "Okay. I''ll also be taking some class time to work directly with you, both in terms of Physical Training and Combat Training. I get that as a Soldier, you focused on working in groups, right?" She nodded. "That''s fantastic, and I think going forward the Alliance is going to wind up with more small groups of Heroes deploying together, but you''ll need to make sure not only that you aren''t the weakest link in a group of Heroes, but that in, say, a Unit of Volunteers, you''re the Hero they need leading them."


    "Yes, Ma''am. I understand, Ma''am. I''ll... I''ll try to find more time to practice, Ma''am."


    I shook my head. "Yeah, no, I''m pretty sure you''re not slacking. Don''t short yourself on food or sleep, and don''t let your other grades fall by the wayside. I..." I thought about what Citron and Hildegarde had done, and while I absolutely wasn''t about to start fucking Vickerson to improve her physical and combat readiness, I definitely could maybe steal some time from her Patron. If they didn''t like it, they could come discuss it with me. Briefly. "What''s your Devotional day?"


    "Freysday, Ma''am."


    That surprised me a little. "Freya''s your Patron?"


    "No, Ma''am."


    I kind of realized I might be pushing into private information territory here, but she could always tell me to go get bent or something. Or lie to me, depending on who her Patron was, I guessed. I thought about what other Deities would have Friday as their Devotional day. "Uh, wait, are you... Is Aphrodite your Patron?"


    "No, Ma''am!" She sounded a little put out by that. Offended I''d assumed. I thought about what other Love Deities might be...


    Look, I was still getting used to this shit, okay? Not sure if I''ll ever really be used to it. I sighed, shook my head, and said, "really?"


    "Yes, Ma''am!" I even felt a little bit of Worship coming from her.


    I shook my head. "How many of you guys... Wait, is that rude to ask?"


    "You don''t know?"


    I threw my hands up in the air. "I''m still new at this! I mean, seriously, there''s no instruction book or anything. Yeah, Dad gives me tips and shit, but in general? I''m figuring this out as I go. I guess if one of you got me a bunch of Glory I might twig to it, but..." I trailed off. "What''s your best guess? Estimate, at least?"


    "No more than half, Ma''am."


    I nearly choked hearing that, but I put on a smile for her, because she fuckin'' deserved one. "Well. Glad to have you. And I mean that both in the group of you sense and in the you in particular sense. That does make things a little easier though." When she cocked her head, I said, "from now on, unless I get wrapped up with something else, I''ll be spending Fridays training you one-on-one. Up here in the Practice Yard if I can, back at the Homestead in the courtyard if the Practice Yard is in use and we can''t cadge a corner of it."


    "That''s..."


    "What your Instructor and Patron thinks is appropriate, what with you proving yourself to be one of the top Cadets of your class."


    She swallowed whatever she''d been about to say. "Yes, Ma''am."


    "Okay. Go get yourself some food. Barring something weird happening, I''ll see you on Friday."


    "Yes, Ma''am!" She dashed off, and I stepped back home.


    More bear steaks. Should have figured. Also, bear soup. I really didn''t want to know exactly what went into it, so I didn''t ask. What with Marie making it, I definitely couldn''t complain about the flavor.


    Same went for the after-Bath activities. My Murder Mittens, she affectionate. Meanwhile, as Marie filled most of my senses, Saffron did her dead level best to distract me. duBois off brand yoga for the win. Well, that and my Kitten''s obscenely high Skills. After, like right after, like ''not quite done with aftershocks'' after, she giggled, DING into my brain.


    My mouth still wasn''t really available for comment, so I muzzily thought, really? What Skill?


    Yes!


    I just rolled my eyes and did the smart thing and let dopamine and endorphins carry me off to sleep.


    Marie or Saffron apparently carried me to bed, where I woke up way later than normal. Like, kids already gone, only Marie lying there gently combing out my hair with her claws late. "Oh, shit. Why didn''t you guys wake me?"


    "Rest."


    I flopped back down. "Huh. Shouldn''t I be, I dunno, hunting down whatever''s been throwing Dire Bears at us?"


    "Scrying."


    "Saffron?" Marie nodded. "But she''s got all her researching and Imperatoring to do!" Marie just stared at me, then adjusted me to get to some hair that had gotten trapped under me. "Okay, okay. She''s better at Scrying than I am. I mean, I''m pretty sure I can brute force stuff, but... she can just pull my Mana if she needs that, can''t she?" My Murder Mittens nodded again. "Anybody else looking for it?"


    "Me."


    I looked up at her. "You''re hunting the thing too?" She nodded. "You make sure to stay safe, you hear me?" She just blepped at me, and I rolled my eyes. "I''ll be very upset with you if you get hurt when you don''t have to."


    She shrugged. "Sparagmos."


    "I can''t..."


    She rolled her eyes. "Saffron."


    "Oh. Yeah, I guess. But you can''t be Sparagmosed if you''re digesting in a Dire Bear belly. Or any other kind of belly."


    No idea why, but at the word ''belly'', she got a goofy look, and when I repeated it, it only got worse. When I gave her the hairy eyeball, she leaned over, twisting herself to hover her lips a hair''s breadth from mine. "Round."


    It took me a second then I snorted. "You''re... Has my Murder Mittens gotten baby crazy?" She nodded. "Baby fever?" She nodded again, and blepped so the tip of her tongue tapped my lips. "Are you feeling a deep and abiding need to have a baby make that belly of yours round?" She wrinkled up her nose and shook her head. I might have frowned just a little. "Why not?"


    "Babies!"


    I might have giggled at her a little when she said that. "So, you still scared of being married to us?"


    She closed up just the tiniest bit, almost as if part of it was a coy act, but I caught the edges of real fear under it. "Maybe."


    "You still sure you want to?"


    "Yes!"


    I realized something right there, and hid my smile for just a moment. "You know you could have everything you''ve asked for without the whole wedding, if that''s what you want, right?" She nodded. "But you still want it?" She ginned and nodded again. "So, you really, really wanna do the whole bride thing?" More nodding, now with blepping that kept her tongue flickering across my lips. "Then you want me to mark you and despoil you and impregnate you?"


    "Babi..."


    Look, she was way too cute not to kiss at that point. Also, the bed we slept on hadn''t ever been used for adult activities, and that was sad, so we corrected that right then and there, while all the kids were out doing kid things.


    It was very, very restful. Which is an absolute lie, but that''s my story, and it was sticky. Sweat''s sticky, right?

 Day Six Hundred And Four

    Dear Diary,


    Can''t say that I''m thrilled about my own performance when it comes to teaching. Or scouting. Or really, anything but healing, even if that seems to just be cleaning up the messes I make. Okay, Apollo made the earlier mess, but if you look at it from a really fucked up perspective I prompted him to start shooting. Also, I''m now in possession of most if not all of his former power, so it kinda behooves me to fix what he fucked up, right? That''s definitely something I need to think about and figure out. Maybe talk to Mom and Dad about it. Then again, from what I remember Dad telling me way back in the day, things that can kill Gods dead aren''t exactly common, and I''m the only one who actually gains the Domains of the Gods I kill. Hell, I even take stuff from Deities I injure; until I fixed her nose and arms, I had Diana''s sense of smell and mad archery skills.


    Thing is, and I don''t know if this is a result of having a day off with my Murder Mittens Maenad Maid Marie playing tonsil hockey and other even more adult games and thoroughly christening our big round bed while we had it to ourselves, but I''m not dissing myself for performing below where I''d like to be. Seriously, I''ve had fuck all in the way of training when it comes to scouting. Same goes for teaching. At best, I''m parlaying street kid skills into something approaching incomplete incompetence. I''m particularly proud of the fact that I can listen to the hunters and Chloros without getting a bug up my ass. Yeah, I made the decisions about shit, like when to follow, when to turn back, and when to jump ahead, but That much I have been trained in, at least a little, by Marshall duBois. If I''m the leader, it''s my responsibility to make decisions. Not only that, but making any decision is way better than not making a decision at all, especially if you''re acting against opposition. It''s kinda the abstract equivalent of being a moving target, at least that''s how I think of it.


    Shit, that gets back around to the conversation I''ve got coming up with Saffron. Ultimately, even if I''m mostly just a figurehead, shit kicker, and walking Mana battery, I''m the one who decided ''lets do an Alliance'', then put my Kitten in charge of it. So at the end of  the day, the year, the century, the universe, I''m the one who has to take responsibility for it. Of course, I''ve got to do that with a brain which, when I thought ''take responsibility'', made me want Murder Mittens to squeal that out every time I put another bun in her apparently large capacity oven. Yeah, I know we''re already gonna be as married as we can be without the addition of additional spouses, but it makes my lady bits tingle thinking about it, because she''s hot, I''m dumb, and she has Skills like you would not believe.


    So when everybody got home last night, Marie carried me downstairs, ignoring my protests that I wasn''t injured and could walk just fine on my own. She didn''t even put me down once we got to dinner; just sat down on my chair, handed herself a big bowl of bear stew, and started feeding me. That put a thought in my head, and I whispered. "Mittens?"


    She filled my mouth with stew again, raised an eyebrow, and said, "Yes?"


    "Wedding night." She filled my mouth again. "Singular you." Her eyebrows went up, and she filled my mouth again. "Honeymoon too."


    That got her to stop with a look somewhere between surprise and disagreement on her face, until Saffron, who had Siobhan feeding her not unlike Marie was doing to me, said, "Co-Location is discommended during pregnancy, lovely Marie."


    "No."


    "Yes, I''m afraid so. I would say ''only in emergencies'', but given your response to any danger to the Alliance is only slightly less zealous than Tabitha herself, I''m afraid that for the safety of our future daughters, you''ll be singular until they''re born."


    Her face fell, and I took that opportunity to steal her spoon away, scoop up some stew, and slip it into her mouth when she opened it to argue. "See? You''re just gonna have to be one you, totally focused on baby baking."


    I''d never seen Marie pout before. Totes adorbs. Also, just a little bit terrifying, since she is in fact seven and a half feet of muscle, claws, and fangs. She turned the pout on me and said, "You."


    Dunno how I translate from Marie to Tabitha, but I do. "Okay, okay. You tell me what I need to do, and I''ll get it done. Heck, if it''s something you do every day I might even get in the habit of doing it! Might take over and leave you with nothing to do for the rest of eternity except churn out endless litters of kittens."


    "Kitchen!"


    I rolled my eyes and giggled. "Okay, okay, nothing to do but make me sandwiches while barefoot and as pregnant as I can make you."


    She snorted, nodded, and growled out, "Good."


    We took turns feeding each other the rest of dinner. Fresh loaves of dark bread, more stew, blanched vegetables, and at the end, which I think had to be so the kids didn''t fill up on them entirely, baskets of onion rings, the good crunchy battered kind.


    As we led the children upstairs, Saffron drifted over, Siobhan trailing behind, holding her other hand. She hopped up into my arm, kissed me, then made a face. "Blech. Onions."


    "You taste of them too!"


    "Yes, but I don''t taste of onions and fish."


    "Hey, onions and fish go together!"


    She smirked up at me. "Do not."


    I tugged Marie closer to me, turning my head to face her as I did. "Prove her wrong tomorrow night?"


    Marie slipped around in front of us, scooped up Siobhan, and slipped back around to where she''d started. Since Saffron never let go of her hand, that meant I had Saffron''s arms around me, which suited me just fine. She looked down at Saffron, raised an eyebrow, and said, "Absolutely."


    Of course that''s when our tiniest tyrant crowed out, "yay! Fith fowah dinnah tomowwow!"


    Interesting responses from the rest of the kids. Alex seemed about as thrilled as Saffron. Daya and David seemed to side with her. Maze, on the other hand, looked just as jazzed as Menace, and Ria and Lindsey looked to be differing flavors of curious; Ria as Maze whispered something in her ears, Lindsey more looking at Marie, nodding, then proceeding as if fish for dinner was a normal thing. Right about then I remembered that fish was kinda ''poor people food'', not just that but ''really poor people food''. Struggle meals. The local version of eating free saltines and ketchup packets and pretending it''s thin crust pizza.


    Screw it, I''d had fish here a few times, and it wasn''t any worse than back home. Several steps better when Marie made it, really.


    As the four of us snagged two showers and started our pre-soak scrub down, I nudged Saffron to get her attention. How does Tuesday look for our meeting?


    She frowned. Could we possibly do it Wotansday? Lord Lancaster intends to sequester himself in prayer that day, and that means he''ll be particularly difficult to juggle the day before.


    Not the day after?


    She grinned up at me. I have it on good authority that the Patron Goddess of the Alliance wishes to converse with him that day, which ought take the edge off any machinations his Patron suggests to him.


    I laughed out loud, not even bothered by the mouthful of sudsy water it got me. Lancaster, One-Eye, ain''t none of ''em got shit on my Kitten.


    You know it. She turned to where Siobhan stood behind Marie, who''d knelt in front of her, scrubbing Murder Mittens'' hair. I believe Tabitha needed to speak with you regarding a few things, are you free at all tomorrow?


    Siobhan tried to fake pout for just a moment, then broke down giggling. Oh, no, my day of overseeing the Infirmary will be interrupted by my Mistress, who will no doubt have her way with me until I''m completely incapable of performing either set of my duties.


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    Aw, c''mon. I''m not gonna... I really do have some questions for you. Health and welfare of Cadets related questions. Oh, and, um, I realized right then that Saffron might feel some kinda way about me going to Siobhan for questions about religion and morality. Fuck, I still needed to ask her about some of it, and it seemed stupid to have two religious types and not ask both of them religion questions. Some other stuff, too? Like, religion and right and wrong stuff.


    Siobhan chewed air for a few seconds, then shorted out a laugh. I was about to say how as you''re the Goddess, I ought not lecture you on morality.


    Of course you won''t. She doesn''t need a lecture, she needs questions answered. I can think of none I''d rather have answer them.


    Well, that kinda answered my question about how Saffron would feel about it. Siobhan blushed, turned her whole attention to furiously scrubbing at Marie''s hair, and after a solid thirty seconds of that, thought, thank you.


    Marie brought the discussion to a close. Welcome.


    After spending Monday lying around with Marie, I didn''t think I''d need a long soak, but apparently I needed it more than I thought. Shouldn''t have been surprising, what with me pushing through for a week, followed by curing a surprisingly large town, then fighting the Direst of Bears to a standstill until Vulcan could turn its insides into soup. At one point, as I lay there half asleep, a certain Murder Mittens showed me exactly how sneaky she could be. Some little part of me worried about the kids seeing and asking questions, but mostly I was just too sleepy to care. Fuck, I''d think I dreamed the whole thing, except what she did with the others in my Maw wasn''t sneaky in the slightest.


    Woke up somewhere close to my normal time. Waited around until Siobhan got up, then kissed the others and followed her to the Infirmary.


    "So, shall you be distracting me all day long then?"


    I smiled at her. "Me just sitting here is distracting?"


    "Yes."


    I snorted. "Tell you what. You get done enough of whatever that you won''t have a pile of work waiting for you tomorrow, and then we''ll go have lunch or something and I can pick your brain."


    She rolled her eyes, shook her head, and wandered off to work. As I leaned back and watched her, a familiar pleasantly cranky voice said, "You sure you can take care of all of them?"


    I half turned my head to look at Grandma Aetos. "Nah. That''s the trick of it. I don''t have to. Siobhan makes sure we''re all healthy. Marie keeps us fed and dressed. Saffron organizes everything and, y''know, makes the world one worth living in. I just kill the shit out of anything that threatens any of them."


    "Not Marie?"


    I snorted. "Yeah, my Murder Mittens, she dangerous, but nah. Anybody harms a hair on my pretty kitty''s head I''mma go ham on them."


    She nodded. "Good." We sat there sharing a comfortable silence for a while, until she nodded again and said, "good," a little more firmly.


    "You feelin'' okay?" She just looked at me. I snorted quietly and said, "Okay, anything wrong other than bein'' old?"


    She smiled and shrugged. "Not any more."


    I reached out, and she took my hand. We sat there like that until just before lunch, when Siobhan came over. "I''m as ready as I''ll ever be." She turned to Grandma Aetos. "Can you take things from here?"


    Grandma Aetos nodded, Siobhan''s hand slipped into mine, and I stepped the two of us to the little caf¨¦ over by the riverfront. I don''t know if the owner remembered me leaving a tip, or recognized me and just kept his cool more than most, or what, but he brought us tea and sandwiches while we sat there watching people and ships go by.


    Kinda blew my mind a little seeing some of the ships, too. the Questing Tentacle had at least two sisters in port, and I was pretty sure some of the other big ships at the docks had modifications too look a little like her. I definitely saw two new looking drydocks across the river in Camden Yards with very familiar hulls taking shape.


    When she''d finished half her sandwich, Siobhan dabbed her lips clean with a cloth and said, "so, what did you want to talk to me about?"


    Some of it''s a little private.


    Well then, can we speak of the non-private things here first? It''s chilly, but the view is lovely.


    "Okay. Um. I guess I need to ask about how we''re supposed to report it when we find out two Cadets are having sex."


    She looked a little surprised, but replied, "oh, that''s normally something we discuss at the weekly staff meetings."


    I blinked. "Oh. Oh, shit. I''ve totally been missing those, haven''t I?"


    "Ah..."


    I chuckled. "Out with it. You know the worst that''ll happen is I get creative with how I get your heart rate up later."


    "Flirt."


    "I thought that''s what I was doing?"


    She giggled. "I meant you''re a flirt."


    "Is that a complaint?"


    "Hardly."


    "Well then. Staff meetings. Out with it."


    She sighed, shook her head, and said, "Headmaster Miles specifically did not override Sister Trease''s request to exclude you." I tensed up, but she continued. "I asked him about it. I may have been... less than completely polite. He... he apologized to me, and indirectly to you. He felt that... how did he put it? The meetings would only bore you, and likely drive you to doing something unintentionally disruptive, which would completely negate the purpose of you covering for Marshall duBois."


    I surprised myself just then, because I didn''t immediately get bent out of shape. I thought about it for a bit, reaching my hand out to lace my fingers through Siobhan''s. Funny, I realized right then that her fingers were the tiniest bit longer than mine, even with me being at least half a head taller than her. "Y''know? I ain''t even mad. He''s probably right." Then I snorted, realizing that yes, I was still me, when I said, "Trease is still a bitch though."


    Siobhan nodded. "She totally is."


    "Okay, so let them know Cadet Carroll Citron and Cadet Hildegarde are having sex?"


    Siobhan spewed the tea she''d just taken a sip of all over the table. "No!"


    "Yep. Seems like."


    "They... they don''t seem very... ah... friendly with one another."


    I shrugged. "Yeah. Pretty sure it started out as hatefucking. Like, mutual rage boners and shit. I, uh, might have encouraged it inadvertently."


    Siobhan facepalmed. "How?"


    "I told them to work their animosity out of their systems and work on getting themselves capable of coordination, the way Heroes are supposed to be. I think they maybe took one of my suggestions a little... I don''t want to say  ''too literally'', because that shit worked, but, um... Yeah."


    Siobhan just shook her head. "Well. I''ll let the Headmaster know. Is there anything else?" Anything we can discuss here?


    I shrugged. "I kinda want to know if I fucked up too bad. Also I''m a little worried about the mental health of those two and Cadet Vickerson."


    "Go on?"


    "Well, I mean those two just seem to be rampaging masses of aggression; that can''t be healthy."


    She smirked at me. "I recall another Cadet who was described that way at times."


    "Really?" She nodded. "Well, fuck."


    "Later."


    I snorted. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, Cadet Vickerson... I think she''s been pushing herself a little too hard. Couldn''t tell you exactly why. Just a feeling I''ve got. Also, I''m gonna be pushing her even harder over the next couple weeks. She''s got a lot of potential, and I want to make sure she develops it as much as she can while I''m training her. But I want to make sure she''s not pushing herself too hard while I''m pushing her, if you see what I''m saying?"


    Siobhan frowned, and I realized most of it was just her fundamental distaste for violence, but she still nodded. "I''ll find an opportunity to speak to her. Perhaps meditation?"


    I snorted. When she looked the question at me, I said, "just don''t suggest that to Citron and Hildegarde. They''ll get into an argument about who meditates better or some shit like that." I Mimicked Hildegarde''s voice and said, "I got innerly peaceful faster," then did the same with Citrons and said, "obviously my inner mindscape became more peaceful than yours, because you rushed."


    That got her giggling. I dropped a big handful of coins on the table, because my Ice Pop laughing made me happy, and stepped us both to the Bedroom. She flopped backward onto the bed, then looked at me in the mirror and said, "so, I''m to be your entertainment for the afternoon?"


    I smiled down at her and sat beside her feet. "Not right now? I... wanted to talk about shit that''s happened. About whether I ought to be the one feeling guilty about shit. Or feeling responsible. Whether those two things are the same thing. Y''know?"


    She''d rooched around until she lay with her feet pointing toward the head of the bed, her cheek resting against my thigh. "Go on. Tell me. I''m... I''m no elder with vast fonts of wisdom, but I can listen, and I''d be honored to do so."


    "Promise me you''ll tell me what you think?"


    "Will that help you?"


    I nodded. "Yeah."


    "Then of course I promise. What wisdom I have is yours, Tabitha Diaz.


    "Well then, buckle up, Siobhan Darling, because I''ve got a bunch of shit to talk about."


    So for the rest of the afternoon I talked about the shit I''d done, the shit other people had done in response, and whether or not any of it was stuff I should be tryna fix, stuff I should feel guilty about, stuff I needed to avoid in the future, or just shit other shitty people did, which still meant I had to clean it up, because a surprising amount of being an adult is just cleaning up shit. Weird thing, time flowed oddly there in the Bedroom. We talked for minutes, for moments, for hours, forever. Eventually I realized I''d been going in circles more than usual for the last little bit.


    When I said as much, Siobhan smiled and said, "you have."


    "Why didn''t you stop me?"


    She pulled herself up just a bit, hugging me around the waist. "Because you needed to realize that yourself."


    "Wish I could do something nice for you letting work pile up to let me natter."


    I felt her bite her lip. I put my arm around her and stood, stepping us both to the top of the West Tower.


    Where we waved to the kids playing in the Courtyard.


    "Drat," she pouted.


    When the kids turned away to keep playing, because two moms up on the tower apparently wasn''t as interesting as seeing how big of a dirty snowball they could pelt one another with, I pulled her to me.


    Then let her slip just a bit as the Maw yawned beneath us. "You didn''t think I''d leave you hanging, did you?"


    "You never do," she sighed, blissful with anticipation.


    Turns out she was wrong. She was completely capable of performing Concubine duties. Before, during, and after I had my way with her.


    Infirmary duties, not so much.

 Day Six Hundred And Five

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, if ever I get to give feedback on, y''know, life, like if I really am the one leaving the yelp review for the existence at the end of time, I''m definitely gonna maybe make some pointed comments about giving ultimate cosmic power to a dumbass with terminal severe untreated ADHD and expecting her not to fuck shit up by forgetting half of what she intended to do most of the time.


    I mean, if I remember. Which I probably won''t. Which might explain why this happened, since there''s no negative feedback going to whoever it is responsible for building universes and shit. Not that I really think there is, but even if there is, they''re clearly thinking shit like "ever since we took away deliberate conscious recall of important information from our universe reviewers, actionable feedback is down by a bajillion percent! Such a good idea!"


    I wonder if there is somebody I''ll get the opportunity to taint punch them. Just for funzies.


    So yesterday, not long before dinner time, I lay next to a once again unconscious Siobhan, watching in the mirrored ceiling as I ran a finger down her sternum, amused at how the sweat dripped back into the temporary channel I made. In case it''s not obvious, I''m easily amused. Just to be clear, she''d passed out after the second time, then begged for a third time, then got real creative with bribing my desire to remain a responsible adult partner away to get a fourth. Honestly, I think part of why I found it so fascinating is because while I''ve had my own consciousness deliberately stolen away by my ladies, frequently at my own request, I''d never really done it on purpose to one of them before. Definitely not without the assistance of one or more of them.


    Right as her eyes fluttered open, I remembered something. "You awake yet?"


    "I''m not certain. Did I die?"


    I smirked at her. "Like I wouldn''t Revive you if you did."


    She pouted. "But this is supposed to be my afterlife. My eternal reward. My place of endless rest."


    I snorted. "Yeah, um, I''ve been told that''s not technically resting."


    "Oh, what are you going to do, Co-Locate one of you here for all eternity to put me to endless use as your personal pleasure slave?"


    It took me a little bit to get my worst Dark Fatass impulses under control. "Do not tempt me, Ice Pop."


    She batted her eyelashes at me. "But... that''s exactly what I was trying to do."


    I took a deep breath. "Okay. Fine. If you die and for whatever reason I can''t Revive you, this is your place."


    "Forever?"


    "Yeah, forever. As long as you want to stay here, anyway."


    "With you?"


    I smiled. "Sure. Can''t promise I''ll be here twenty four by seven, because I still need to sleep, can''t stay Co-Located while I''m sleeping, and I may have kids who need nursing and shit."


    "Bring them here."


    I rolled my eyes. "Fine. As long as it''s, like, not unsafe for them."


    She pursed her lips into a cute little pout. "I can''t argue with that. Fine." Then she looked longingly up at me. "Please don''t forget about me and leave me alone, though?"


    "I won''t do that, Siobhan. Darling. I promise." Then I remembered what I''d been thinking about before she woke up. "Oh, hey, Siobhan, you know Cadets Ryan and Chloros?"


    She paused in thought for a few moments. "Not personally. I''ve heard them mentioned in Staff Meetings."


    "Yeah, just remembered, the two of them were sharing a tent during our Recon mission."


    She tilted her head. "And?"


    I ran my finger down her front until her eyes got wide. She gasped as I said, "I mean like this kind of sharing a tent."


    "Yes. Yes, yes. That''s why they came up in the Staff Meeting. Known thing. Please don''t stop."


    I paused, leaning in close enough to feel her hot breath against my lips. "I dunno. I''m feeling a little anxious myself."


    Her lips curved against mine as she whispered, "I am at your disposal, Champion."


    "I dunno. I''m feelin'' awful tired after this afternoon. All that work. Kinda feelin'' lazy."


    "What would you have me do?"


    I rubbed my nose against hers, just to enjoy the feel of her skin on mine. "I think you doing Marie''s little trick would be adorable."


    "I''m not sure I''m strong enough for that."


    "I''m not sure you need to be." She hesitated, and I said, "not gonna tell you to do it, but I''d really like it if you try."


    "What if I fail?"


    "Oh, I''ll probably get all frustrated and show you the proper technique."


    In the perfect kohai voice she kinda squeaked out, "as many times as I need to get it right?"


    "Glutton."


    "I''m sorry!"


    "Not a complaint. Roll me over whenever you''re ready." She raised one tentative hand to my shoulder, pushed, and I rolled, pulling her with me as I did. Turns out Marie''s shears (because they''re like scissors, only bigger) don''t require strength so much as persistence and precision.


    Also, turns out we wound up late to dinner, as our sudden audience of Mittens and Kitten taunted us about as they gave Siobhan a round of polite applause.


    As I spooned fish stew into Siobhan, enjoying the pleasant aroma of onions, garlic, and lemon as I did, I got a little pouty and said, "why don''t I ever get applause?"


    Saffron stopped Marie from putting another spoonful into her mouth long enough to say, "because you, my love, are confident enough in your own abilities that you don''t need it. Much like Marie here. I concede, Marie, when done properly fish and onion pair beautifully." Then she put her mouth where her money was and opened wide for another spoonful. That got me, and after putting another spoon into Siobhan, I tasted some myself while she savored.


    Oh, holy crap this is good. Thank you, Mittens.


    Welcome.


    I didn''t want to waste mouth time that could be savoring Marie''s fish stew on speaking, so I thought, I think I''ve managed to fool you all, though. Probably Blend or something like that. I really could use some positive feedback now and then?


    Even Siobhan''s mental voice slurred just a little with her absolute enjoyment of the stew. You mean loss of consciousness and repeated requests to make it happen again weren''t enough?


    As I kinda pouted, Saffron took a momentary break from stew appreciation to say, "Don''t worry, love. We''ll see to that after your meeting with Lord Lancaster on Thorsday."


    Oh, hey, should I call him ''Leonard'' or ''Lenny'', do you think? I don''t want to dunk on him, but I don''t want him getting full of himself either.


    This time Saffron didn''t bother to empty her mouth. Leonard would be right and proper. Also, I will reward you with anything your heart, mind, and body desire, up to and including things all four of us would decry as depraved, if you call him nothing but Lenny.


    I might have kinda whined at that. Marie? Siobhan? What do you guys think?


    Marie, a twinkle in her eye as she spooned more stew into Saffron, said, "Lenny."


    Meanwhile Siobhan murmured, will you be intending insult by calling him by a nickname?


    I shrugged. Nah. I call his son Larry all the time, because he''s my buddy. Intending to deflate him a little, maybe. Intending to insult him? Fuck, I''d just call him Shitstain McGee or something like that, like I did with Gregor.


    Then Lenny isn''t entirely inappropriate. There are some benefits to being in a position of power.


    I grinned at her as I booped her nose with the spoon after delivering another load of fishy goodness. Didn''t I just get those?


    Saffron chuckled and said, "I rather thought you''d put her in the position of power." Then her eyes narrowed, and she said, "wait, you did the same with me, only on a much grander scale." Then she turned to Marie and said, "Marie?"


    I nearly did a spit take with my soup when my Murder Mittens Mimicked my own mental voice and thought at us, Do whatever the fuck you want. Just get. Me. Clean. Understood?


    Saffron just lifted an eyebrow and murmured, "Hmm?" Then again, her mouth was full of soup again.


    Hey, I trust my ladies with whatever power they want or need, especially over me.


    "Oh, really?" Saffron punctuated that with mental images of Tallulah and Karen.


    Not what I, the images got a lot less clothed, not to mention a lot more animated. Oh, fuck.


    She smiled at me, the expression mirrored by Murder Mittens. Siobhan just kept savoring her soup. The images merged into a single three person scene, and I almost didn''t recognize myself in Saffron''s little mental vignette.


    Wait, no, didn''t mean... I trailed off, kinda weirded out by Saffron''s mental image of me. I didn''t exactly have fewer scars, but they weren''t such a big focal point for her. I didn''t look nearly as cut as I did every time I looked in the mirror. I didn''t look soft, but I looked maybe lightly padded. Well, lightly padded everywhere except my ass and tits. The former had a complete lack of padding, and the latter were, as always, inexplicably full and round. But the rest of me looked way more feminine than I saw myself in the mirror, and I had no idea what to do with that.


    The mental vignette had also blown past PG-13, straight through R, and left NC-17 in the mirror. "Gah."


    The picture of demure, mindful grace, my Kitten appeared in the vignette and said, I''m sorry, love, is this not to your liking?


    "Little overwhelming."


    Only a little? That won''t do at all. So she joined in.


    I realized right then that my blonde beauties had the same vignette playing in their heads as both of them snickered in unison. Then I absolutely did spit take when Tallulah murmured, "not my preference, but it wouldn''t do to turn down an invitation from my Goddess." She sat over between Ria and Menace, her daughter leaning into her, which prompted a weird but not displeased look on her face. She nodded to Marie. "My compliments, though. This is excellent."


    Saffron didn''t miss her cue, which left me gaping a little as they managed to completely lob the very adult conversation ball right over the heads of the kiddos. "Yes, Marie is more than capable of allowing anyone to enjoy that which they might not otherwise."


    "That''s kinda the understatement of the year." My head snapped around to see Karen sitting opposite Tallulah, right between Alex and Lindsey. "Good soup, by the way. Never thought I was missing out giving fish a pass before, but here we are."


    I might have whimpered a little then, because along with losing mouthfuls of fishy deliciousness, my tiny tyrant still hadn''t stopped with the increasingly graphic mental images. At a loss for anything coherent to say, i shoved a replacement spoon full of soup into my mouth, only to have Siobhan steal it away via liplock. What did you expect? I''ve been waiting here with my mouth open for minutes, dear Champion.


    Didn''t help at all when all four of my other ladies snickered at that. Okay, Karen giggled, Tallulah chuckled, and the other two snickered, but still. When Siobhan pulled away, an absolute mess of soup down her front from my earlier spit take, I kinda whined. "I was enjoying that soup."


    "Oh! Apologies, Mistress!" Then she picked up the bowl, emptied the rest of it into her mouth, and proceeded to reverse the liplock soup transfer process. Is that better?


    Overwhelmed by soup and kissing and ever more explicit mental imagery, I think I thought something like, you''re all ganging up on me!


    My Kitten, the real one and the one in my head both at the same time, purred out, "do you really mind so much?"


    I couldn''t help the pout in my mental voice when I said, no.


    "Well then. I think everyone will need a thorough shower before the Bath tonight."


    My in-flight refueling done, I lifted my head enough to look around and realize that all of our kids had taken Siobhan''s impromptu bowl emptying as permission and encouragement to do the same. Ria and Maze both needed a visit from a napkin. Same with Lindsey and David. Daya and Alex both had dribbles all down their front, and Menace... "Isnomi Aetos-Diaz, did you pour your soup over your head?"


    She looked up at me, maybe slightly panicked, and said, "now I tayth good too?"


    Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.


    "You, young lady, do not need anyone tasting you. That''s it! Showers for everyone!" I stepped Siobhan and I straight to the showers, trying to remain mostly unsurprised when my ladies brought the kids up the same way. I also realized that for the first time in my life, a shower disappointed me by starting out piping hot instead of letting me dunk my head in cold water for just a moment.


    When I reached to adjust the temperature of the water, Siobhan lay her hand atop mine. "Please don''t?"


    I stopped, sighed, and set her on her feet, banishing her robes and my uniform as I did, trying to ignore her absolutely ogling as I bent over to pick up the cloth and soap where someone, probably Menace, had dropped it rather than putting it back on the shelf. "Fine. But you''ve got to tell me why."


    She T-posed for me to soap and scrub her, and before I got to her face said, "because the cold water is terribly unpleasant. I know it''s not what causes colds, but I can''t help but shy away from it anyhow." I scrubbed both of her arms, one with the cloth and the other with the soap, while I gave her a mock glare from about six inches. "Oh! That!" She leaned in, letting me scrub her back without moving around her, and whispered in my ear. "You''re adorable when you''re flustered." Her voice dropped a fuckin'' octave and got way huskier when she breathed out, "and we all do so love adoring you."


    Full frontal Worship from that kinda range is definitely a sensation that''s impossible to ignore or mistake. Weirdest part is that it didn''t stop when I scrubbed her face, which desperately needed it after all the messy soup exchange. When I''d finished and rinsed her off, she smirked and said, "Now you."


    I sighed, T-posed, and closed my eyes. "Be gentle?"


    "Of course, Mistress. If that''s what you really want?"


    "Lemme guess. I''m just as messy as you were."


    She clucked her tongue. "Messier."


    "Fine. Do with me as you will, just get me clean." I didn''t think the Worship could ramp up by an order of magnitude, but holy fucking shit could it ever. Also, amusing fact, if I''m tryna not be moved by Siobhan, I don''t move, which let her put her everything into scrubbing me. Definitely clean at the end. Also definitely not a Marie Happy Ending shower, although I''ve no idea if that was due to Siobhan not being as sneaky, Siobhan not being as Skilled, or Siobhan having some sense of common decency with the kids watching. Probably all three. For which I''m grateful, because my sadistic Kitten hadn''t stopped or slowed the ongoing vignette inside my head in the slightest.


    I think I kinda melted when we hit the Bath. Just lost any and all volition to do anything but float there with Siobhan and Saffron snuggled up to me while Karen, Marie, and Tallulah played tub games with the kids.


    Tallulah and Karen did not, in fact, stay the night. Or even join us in the Bedroom. Because none of us went there. I fell asleep floating on an absolute ocean of horny; surprisingly pleasant, really. Dreamt of... Well... Okay, look, I don''t know how my Kitten arranged that whole scene, but I learned that the Maw can, in fact, drool. Which I became aware of when Soup Dumpling Saffron managed to gasp out, good thing... You''re hot enough... To make that hot... Too.


    Woke up to Saffron tracing circles on my abs with her finger; with no one else around I reached for her, but she held me back with a palm on my sternum. "Ah, ah, ah, I have some work to do, then we have our meeting."


    I might have gotten a little bit little kid pouty. "Okay."


    She smiled at me. "I take it you''d rather be doing something else?"


    "Yeah."


    "Someone else?"


    "Nope."


    "Good. So will it be better or worse if I ask you to spend the day at my side, to remind the Grand Council that you are, in fact, by my side at all times, whenever I should need you?"


    "You gonna be in Glowing Midnight?"


    Her Grin should have qualified as assault at that point. I mean, if I weren''t likely to consent to whatever she wanted to do anyway. "Without the dress whenever no one but you can see."


    I whimpered. "Why?"


    She snuggled up to me, still grinning. "Because it''s been far too long since I got you to myself for a whole night, so I will absolutely be working you up to a fever pitch."


    "Didn''t we... last weekend?"


    "Far too short, and far too long since then. Besides, we didn''t have an audience then."


    "Buh?"


    She smirked at me, and a moment later both of us were dressed, me in The Dress, her in Glowing Midnight. She frowned at me. "Will you be embarrassed if everyone on the Grand Council knows exactly how, ah, anxious you are?"


    I thought about it for a second. "Yeah? Kinda? Which is weird?"


    She sighed. "Nothing for it, then." My Phileo uniform replaced The Dress. "There we go. Now, off we go." She gave me a peck on the cheek, and as she pulled away we stood at the center of the Grand Council Chamber.


    She was as good as her word. She worked through the morning, both one on one with individual Council members sorting out plans, and then working with those Council members to get those plans approved by the Council as a whole. I pretty much kept my eyes on her, because I... I just couldn''t not. Yeah, Glowing Midnight is a lot classier than the Yandere Shobitch Wedding Gown. But it''s still walking sex. Just classy walking sex. Of course, I might be biased by my knowledge of what''s under the dress, and I''m definitely fuckin'' biased by what''s under what''s under the dress.


    Of course, she was also even better than her word when it came to no one looking. I''m not sure how she managed it, other than being absolutely aware of everyone in the room, what they were doing, and where they were looking, but every time she had nobody but me looking at her, her dress disappeared, then reappeared a moment later before someone looked up.


    I may have stopped time just a tiny bit when she disappeared the corsetry as well.


    "Daughter?"


    "Ma?"


    "Yes, Daughter?"


    "Go play with your High Priest or something."


    The issues of the day included some work with Cailyn on the plans for the Naval Academy, some with Mrs. Driver regarding the current state of the agricultural and food portion of the economy, which apparently was still getting somehow subsidized by the Alliance as a whole to make sure nobody starved, period, and oddly enough some work with Olivia Orange about inter-City Heroic authority, rights, and duties. When she finished up with all that, she nodded to everyone, said, "I''ll be updating the Champion regarding our progress in various matters for the afternoon. Please let Marie know if you absolutely require my attention."


    Holy shit the way she said that made me realize that any ''attention'' they got was gonna wind up with somebody missing body parts. Maybe the Councilor who summoned her, maybe whoever fucked up so bad that a Grand Councilor needed to summon the Imperator, but still.


    The next thing I knew we sat at that little bistro on the river down in Phileo. "You remembered!"


    She smiled sadly. "Siobhan reminded me. But this is a sweet memory, love. I hope I won''t spoil it by talking of business."


    I reached out and touched her cheek with my fingertips. As she leaned into the caress, I said, "if I''m with you, nothing could spoil it."


    The Grin reappeared. "Even knowing my corset is missing?"


    "That''s just spicy, and we both know I love me some spicy."


    She nodded. "So, what did you want to know?"


    I thought about that for a minute, then said, "What''s up with duBois, what''s up with Adrienne, how are the folks at the bottom doing in the Alliance, how are we getting money to pay for shit, what are we spending most of it on... um, how are we doing on making sure everyone has food, shelter, medical care, and education?" She smiled at me, nodding as I made my list. As an afterthought, but an important one, I said, "also, what do you think I should know that I don''t?"


    "Quite a list." She held up one finger as I almost literally felt her mind racing, then she said, "very well. Please stop me if you need clarification." I nodded, and she started. "Marshall duBois is, as of our last communication via Scrying Portal..."


    "Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait up. Scrying Portal?"


    She smirked at me. "Like the ones you used at the Battle of the Bay, love. They''re something of an open secret; everyone saw them at the Battle, and every crew member on our Alliance ships knows we have them, but very few people know precisely how they work or their limitations. Which are mainly that few other than you have the power to allow for actual transit of human sized or larger objects, let alone ships."


    I looked around. "Should we be talking about this here?"


    "Filtration Ward."


    "Nice. Go on?"


    "Are you staring at my tits?"


    "No!"


    She pouted. "Why not?" Before I could respond, she took my hand, lay her other arm across the table in front of her, and leaned over toward me. Cleavage. Magnificent. Wow. "That''s better. Now, as I said, as of our last communication, the government of Saint Boltophsburg, which is much more involved with their Pantheon of Gods than anywhere you''ve been before, what with the founder of the City and their ruling House being a Demigod himself, is being... obstructionist."


    "You need me to pay a visit?"


    She made a little moue. "No. I rather think that''s what they want. They''re not being rude, or aggressive, or in any way doing anything that requires a military or otherwise violent response. Should they do so, the Black Dragon is on standby. Near the limit of her range, but she is, after all, highly mobile. No, love, I think we let them stew until they specifically request your presence, and do so in a diplomatic enough fashion that you feel invited rather than threatened."


    "Not really feeling threatened with Black Dragon as backup."


    "Were you even feeling threatened facing the Dire Bear?"


    "Maybe?"


    "I rest my case. Anyhow, they''re treating him as an honored diplomat, or were at last communication. Which brings me to the first of the things I think you should know. We''ve redirected all of our Divination assets to discovering the source of those Dire Bears. If whatever it is produces another, larger one, we may not be able to stop it short of the Alliance border."


    "It gets in reach of my big tentacles, I''ll stop it cold."


    She just smiled at me fondly. "What do you think is the defining feature of the ''Alliance Borders'', love?" I blushed as much at not realizing that as anything else, and she continued. "Prior to that, we''d been using all Divination and Intelligence assets to determine the current location of Adrienne Crow. She''s protected by multiple layers of powerful anti-Divination Shaping; I''m almost ready to ask Conrad for assistance, honestly. But we have managed to narrow her location to ''the base of a peninsula in Atlantis''."


    "So, Jackville?"


    She shook her head. "Possibly, but that could also refer to Compton or even Saint Boltophsberg. I''ve asked the Marshall to keep an eye out there, but Compton and Jackville will require their own diplomatic missions if we want to be less subtle about things."


    I nodded. "Okay. Really want to at least find out where she is and how she''s doing, maybe get her an invite to Ria''s birthday party."


    Saffron just smiled warmly at me and continued. "As for the least fortunate in the Alliance, that overlaps with your question of food, shelter, medical care, and even education." I nodded, and she explained. "In every City where it''s needed, the Alliance has moved to set up simple shared housing for any who cannot afford their own. Those same buildings house free kitchens and clinics, the former organized by Mrs. Driver, the latter staffed with Heroes with knowledge of Healing Shapes, supported by the University doctors."


    I''d latched on to one thing, so I asked, "where it''s needed?"


    "Yes. In Camden Yards, Mayor William Driver has already built on his parents'' legacy of making sure no one in the City starved. Working in conjunction with local farmers and the Heir Consort of Lancaster House, they''ve not only expanded that aspect of Drivers'' a bit, they''ve also built free housing into their Town Hall and Academy, with access to the Dining Hall and Infirmary. As for their Academy''s Kitchen, I suspect Mr. Driver is competing with the Maenads of Phileo as to who has the finer food for its Cadets." She shrugged. "Those living at the Camden Yards Academy are expected to assist with Academy maintenance as they can, but thus far my operative''s reports indicate they''re very lenient as regards to ''as they can''."


    "Operatives? We''re spying on our own people now?"


    She sighed. "One of the unavoidable things I''ve asked for Penance for. I don''t think Bill would willingly oppress his own people, or even immigrants from elsewhere, but that doesn''t mean everyone he trusts, and everyone they trust, is as upstanding as he is."


    "Y''know, I kinda thought you''d had people killed or something, the way you were jonesing for Penance. She stayed silent, and I sighed. "How many?"


    "To date? Twelve or nineteen."


    "Or?"


    "Twelve killed directly. Seven took their own lives rather than live without the power and luxury they''d become accustomed to stealing from others."


    I sucked my teeth. "Threats to the Alliance? More importantly, threats to its people?" She nodded. "I... I want to hear more, at some point, but I''m not sure I can right now."


    "Whenever you''re ready. Or whenever you wish to chastise me for doing what I must."


    "Any since our last discussion?"


    She nodded. "Two. Both of whom took their own lives when divested of property and power."


    I sighed. "I guess that''s not something we''re directly responsible for." I held up a hand when she opened her mouth to argue. "Responsible for, yes. Directly, no. We''ll figure something out. Their families taken care of?"


    "Of course!"


    "In the ''housed, fed, cared for'' sense?"


    She rolled her eyes. "I''ll not be hiding that from you when you ask about it, love. Of those nineteen, six families are now in public shelters. the other thirteen have... altered their practices sufficiently that I no longer deem them a threat to the Alliance or our people."


    I nodded. "Other exceptions?"


    "Newark is following Camden Yards'' example. Calverton even more so, with the addition of the construction of seven new temples very much in the style of your Temple of Love." At my raised eyebrow, she explained, "they are as much shelters and community centers as Temples. As for Norfolk, Jarl Johnson''s Jarldom has grown to twice its previous size, and its prosperity by an even greater multiple. Other Jarls have had to follow his practices or see their own former Thralls move to Jarldoms that do so. Education there is... Mostly technical rather than Academic, but still education. I''d like Olga to sponsor a proper University at her capital, but she''s being oddly reluctant."


    "Want me to talk to her?"


    "If you would."


    "You got it, Kitten. That just leaves Rich Man''s Port, New Amsterdam, and Phileo..."


    She nodded. "Rich Man''s Port has surprisingly little poverty, at least as I would think of it. The City itself isn''t wealthy, and I''ve discovered that much of the opulence of the Overlord''s Court is, in fact, Fae trickery combined with direct access to goods which are only available via specialty traders or the black market elsewhere."


    "Such as?"


    "Chocolate?"


    That made something itch in the back of my mind, but I knew Tallulah liked her chocolate syrup drank already, and I couldn''t exactly see Chocolate as some kind of horrible influence like cocaine or mushrooms or shit like that. Hell, I think both of those were used for religious purposes back in the day before people appropriated them, so if they weren''t being abused, I couldn''t get myself worked up about it. Shit, I even indulged in Fae Grain. For medicinal purposes, sure, but still. "Okay. so are we doing anything there? Do we need to?"


    "We''ll be including the same type of free access to shelter, food, and medical care at the Naval Academy as Camden Yards is doing, although the Alliance will be paying for it."


    "Where are we getting all this cash?"


    She smiled at me. "Much of what we''re doing is being done by people working directly for and supported by the Alliance itself, like Heroes and active Volunteers. However, as for actual money and goods, I''ve co-opted an old Athenian idea. Taxes are exclusively paid by the hundred wealthiest Houses in the Alliance."


    "Dafuq? Why are they going along with that?"


    "Because I''ve created a special military honor for those who do; they are declared ''Pillars of the Alliance'', and their head of House and designated Heir each have a Hero, a Volunteer Unit, or both as personal guards. With that direct connection they also can of course report any crimes against their Houses directly to the Alliance, and since they''re providing such support, we can consider those crimes as attacks on the Alliance if need be."


    "That shit could go very bad very fast." She cocked her head, and I said, "rich folks using Heroes and Volunteers as their own personal army. Telling the Heroes shit like ''I pay your salary''."


    Almost too quietly for me to hear, she said, "seven families have tried. All seven heads of House are among the nineteen I mentioned. Those Heroes and Volunteers are hand picked for loyalty first and foremost to the Alliance. Or to you."


    "To me?"


    "Yes, to you, love. The Champion. The Patron Goddess. The Attack Dog. The protector and defender and avenger. But I digress. I mentioned ''intelligence assets'' before. Each and every one of those assigned Heroes is one of them."


    I snorted a little. "When do we get one?"


    Just as quietly as earlier, she said, "as soon as some Phileo Heroes emigrate to other Cities, opening up Heroic positions for one or more of your Senior Cadet proteges."


    I chuckled, then stopped. "Wait, you''re serious?" She nodded. "Whoa. Uh. Fuck. Can I pick which ones we keep? Oh, shit, that sounds terrible."


    She just Grinned at me. "Looking to expand our family horizontally yet again, as well as vertically via our fianc¨¦e''s womb?"


    "No! Gah! Just happened!"


    She laughed. "I know, love. I know. Just know that should you wish to, you''ve only to ask. I suppose if one or more of us found your choice distasteful, we might need to discuss matters, but so far I''ve nothing but good things to say for your taste."


    "You just like blondes."


    "I lust after blondes. I love you."


    "You love them too."


    "Yes, Yes, I do."


    "So you don''t lust after me?"


    Her whole fuckin'' outfit disappeared for just long enough for me to see nipples hard enough to cut diamond. "What do you think."


    "I think you need to finish this briefing, pronto. New Amsterdam and Phileo?"


    "The Alliance is subsidizing your Temples in both Cities, all of which will provide food, shelter, medical care, and education to all who need it. Not to mention all the children we can convince to sit still long enough."


    "Still weirded out a little by the idea of brothels that are also child care centers."


    She smiled at me. "You don''t think the employees of one need the other on a regular basis?"


    "Oh. Yeah. Good point. Uh, anything else I should know?"


    At that point Saffron looked around, and I realized that traffic had slowed, mostly because the sun was closing on the horizon. "Yes. Oh, definitely yes."


    "Uh, okay?"


    "We''ll need to reimburse the owner of the restaurant for me ruining this chair. Also probably for yours."


    "Uh..." That''s when she hit me with a mental replay of everything from last night''s dream, plus everything from the evening''s mental vignette, followed by holy shit the mother of all detailed plans to scour me absolutely virtue free, just in case I still had any.


    "So, love. Shall we be going?"


    Heroically fighting a delaying action long enough to get out a single sentence, I said, "the boots, stockings, and garters stay on."


    Yeah, I didn''t say it was much of a sentence.


    Saffron batted her eyelashes at me, took my hand, and said, "as my Goddess wishes," right before everything else evaporated like mist. "Shall we adjourn to the Bedroom?"


    My chick do things your chick wish she could.

 Day Six Hundred And Six

    Dear Diary,


    I really don''t want to do this. Going to Lenny Lancaster for advice is bad enough, but now I''ve gotten the idea in my head to ask him for a favor. Right here and now I get why people, and by people I mean Gods, Lords, and people with more money than sense bully other people.


    Okay, that''s not quite true. I know why they bully people. One of my old teachers at Eastside talked about it once, when the administration decided we needed a zero tolerance bullying policy, even though ninety percent of the bullying that happens winds up completely non-actionable. Seriously, if you don''t record them doing it, they get away with it, and if you do record them doing it, you get in trouble for privacy violations. As I was saying, though, Bullies bully because they get endorphin rushes from the power. It''s addictive. And like any other addict, they don''t give a shit who they hurt to get their fix.


    So yeah, I think I may have scared people into doing shit before. I know I made Larry piss himself at least once. I''m pretty sure Saffron uses me as a threat when someone''s tryna stop what she''s doing with the Alliance. I can''t really change any of that, although I definitely need to maybe say something to Saffron. Using me as a potential consequence for bad behavior is one thing, using me as a club to force people to hurt themselves is something else entirely.


    I remember a therapist telling me that I need to focus on what I can control, not what I can''t. I can''t change the past. I can''t change what other people do, although I can talk to them about what I''d prefer and what pisses me off. I can, however, avoid bullying people for fun and profit. I think. I''m gonna try anyway.


    So yesterday after spending a day with Saffron, first with her taunting me while she did her Imperator job, then with her doing so even more when we did our one on one to bring me up to speed with the State of the Alliance, I wound up a little... anxious. At the end of our day, she stepped me back to the Bedroom, everything but her stockings, garters, and boots evaporating. "So, love. Did you have anything particular you wanted, or may I seek out my own round of applause?"


    "Still kinda want one of those."


    "We''re well aware. That''s for tomorrow."


    I blinked. "Wow. Planning out all the shenanigans and hijinks. I''m... I don''t know how to feel about that."


    She smiled at me. "I cannot dictate your emotions, but if I may suggest?" I nodded. "Feel adored. Appreciated. Desired. Most of all," she paused, meeting my gaze. "Feel the pleasure we want to give you."


    "We?"


    Siobhan cleared her throat, and I glanced over to see her sitting on Marie''s lap, both of them lounging on the divan. "Do you mind?"


    I snickered a little. "Pretty sure I need to get used to it." She cocked her head, and I explained, "Pretty sure I''m supposed to show up to do, y''know, sex stuff at the Temple now and then."


    Saffron flopped her butt back on the bed, then pulled me to her, squishing those magnificent breasts against me. "If that bothers you, tell us. We''ll find another way."


    I thought about it for a second, but not much longer, because my ability to think was definitely being drained away. "I''m not feeling icked by it. I mean, you and I broke the damn Temple, and that was fun as shit. No, mostly I''m just kinda... afraid?"


    "Afraid, my love?"


    "Yeah. I mean, I get that some of you see me a lot less... damaged than I see myself, but I''m still kinda worried that I''m pretty far away from anybody''s perfect woman."


    Saffron frowned at me. Then her frown melted into a wicked grin. "The only way you could be more perfect, to me, is if there was more than one of you."


    I laughed, Co-Located to kneel behind her, putting my arms around her from both sides. "Yeah, we both know you prefer blondes."


    "My tastes are varied and eclectic. But while my sex becomes uncontrollable with certain images, certain people, you, my love, are the one I want most of all." She pushed back a little against the one of me behind her. "Back up?" I scooted backward on my knees. "Further?" The moment she almost had room, she flopped backward onto the bed. Both of me went into shutdown as that had the expected effect on her jiggle physics. A moment later, she thwapped against the belly of the me standing next to the Bed


    "Uh, I''m not sure that''s gonna fit."


    She giggled. "Turn me around, please?" Both of me picked her up, one by the hips, the other by the shoulders, and rotated her until she lay across the bed. She turned to Marie and Siobhan and asked, "this gives you a better view, yes?"


    "Yes." Marie answered, while Siobhan just bobbed her head.


    "Now," Saffron said as she reached down and moved me so I straddled her hips. "You know absolutely well that it will fit." She pulled me down, and I gasped. "Shapeshifter, silly. I will be exactly the size you need."


    "Hokay," I breathed out. The view from behind her head was pretty fuckin'' hot. Then she pulled that me down, and I lost any ability to do anything but enjoy the ride.


    As she raced both of me toward completion, my eyes fluttered closed. Open your eyes, love. I forced them open, my gazes drawn like a lodestone to her breasts. Not me. Look at yourself, love.


    Both of me looked up. I watched my own mouths drop open just the slightest bit; the only thing I could control was keeping my eyes open and locked on my own face. She slowed down, dragging me closer inch by inch. My pupils dilated, and I stared into the infinite black space behind my eyes. I whimpered as she held me there, unable to move, unable to do anything but stare and maybe drool just a little.


    You need to be kissed.


    "Okay." I chorused.


    So. Do it, love. My mouth is a little busy at the moment.


    "Yeah." I leaned forward, unable to look away from the empty universe behind my eyes. The moment my lips touched, my tongues flicking forward, she finished me. Lights sparkled across the blackness behind my eyes. Then Saffron bucked and moaned, never stopping as she kept me coming. Her mouth vibrated against me, and heat rushed through me as she came. She dragged it out until she slowed and stilled. I collapsed back into the me straddling her hips, filled with her, and then fell forward to kiss her just as passionately as I''d done myself.


    As we lay there in the afterglow, Siobhan and Marie both applauded quietly. "That was brilliant, Saffron."


    Saffron tangled her fingers in my hair and pulled me back just far enough to say, "thank you, Siobhan. Tabitha?"


    "Yes, Kitten?"


    She twitched when I said that, and both of us shuddered for a bit. "Did you like what you saw?"


    Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.


    "Uh... whoa. Wow. Um."


    "Did you dislike it then?"


    "Oh, fuck no. It''s just... a little overwhelming."


    She chuckled into my neck. "Only a little?"


    "Okay. A lot overwhelming."


    She nuzzled my neck more and whispered. "Now perhaps you begin to see what I see, then."


    "Every time?"


    She giggled. "Not every time, no. But often enough. Am I right, ladies?"


    "Yes."


    "I, uh, tend to close my eyes."


    Saffron looked over at the two on the divan and said, "Oh, you simply must keep them open next time. Trust us on this."


    "Okay."


    Then Saffron looked at me and said, "so, are you hungry, love?"


    "I could eat." I grinned down at her.


    "Well then, let''s..." I proceeded to shut her up by totally deliberately misinterpreting her question. She didn''t seem to mind. Still felt some kinda way when I didn''t get any applause. But after that... I don''t even know what to call it. Is seeing all of time and space in my own eyes one of those things you''d call a ''religious experience''? Totally unsure.


    Also don''t care that much. Enjoyed Saffron enjoying my mouth too much.


    We got to dinner late, but Marie had everybody eating. Some kind of bear meat pastry. At least I''m pretty sure it was bear.


    Up in the Bath, Menace towed Siobhan off to play in the deeper parts of the tub while Saffron and I just soaked. "Hey, Kitten?"


    "Yes, love?"


    "Are we keeping an eye on the shores of Erie?"


    She frowned. "That inland sea the Dire Bears came out of?" At my nod, she said, "yes. Marie''s keeping watch along the shore."


    "All by herself?"


    I realized how stupid that statement was before Saffron replied, but still felt better when she said, "she has Vulcan with her."


    I chuckled a little. "She''s not, like, dry firing him all day long, is she?"


    Saffron just smiled and kissed me as we sank to the the bottom of the Bath.


    Dreams wound up very quiet. Felt like in one of those videos where an orchestra is gonna play a big number, but before that they all sit there tuning their shit and getting in the right headspace. Weird. But then, dreams.


    In the morning, Saffron woke me up leaning on me. "Well rested, love?"


    I sighed. "Yeah. Don''t want to talk to Lenny today, but..."


    "But?"


    "That''s what adulting is. Doing what you have to, not what you want to."


    She grinned at me. "Oh, don''t tell me you didn''t want last night."


    "Okay, there are some good sides to the whole adult thing. "


    "Excellent. Marie has just delivered Lord Lancaster to the Grand Council chamber. Are you ready to speak with him?"


    I took a moment to do my best impression of putting my ducks in a row, then popped my uniform on and stepped to the Grand Council chambers. I arrived sitting on Treachery Rock, my legs dangling over the side. "Hey, Lenny?" He looked up, kumquat look in full effect. "You mind if I call you Lenny? Fuck it, I''mma call you Lenny. You got some time this morning to let me pick your brain?"


    He bristled a little at that, his gaze tracking over to Saffron. When he got a look at her staring at him, he sighed, then something maybe approaching a smile colored the kumquat look. "I suppose needs must. Tabby."


    I stepped down next to him, held out my hand, and when he took it I stepped us both to the caf¨¦ down by the river. Realized what I''d done a moment later, then shrugged and sat down. I motioned for him to sit opposite me, and after a sigh and a headshake he did so.


    "What did you want to ask me about... Tabby?"


    I bit back any kind of snarky response. I had started it, after all. "Couple things. First, I need some advice about training."


    "Your own?"


    I shook my head. "I mean, if you''ve got something to say about that, something you think I ought to know that I don''t, feel free. I know I''m a dumbass whose gotten where I am mostly by luck and bloody minded refusal to quit, so I''m not gonna get my panties in a bunch over it if you do." I paused, and he nodded for me to continue. "Okay, so I''ve got three really talented Cadets in my Physical and Combat Training courses. Cadets Citron, Hildegarde, and Vickerson." His face gave away a little recognition at Citron''s name, but other than that he just nodded.


    So I spent the next hour or so explaining everything that had happened so far with the three of them, focused mostly on Citron and Hildegarde. He mostly sat there, quietly listening, but now and then he''d ask a question about some detail. When I couldn''t think of anything else to say, I finished with, "so, what do you thiink?"


    He took a moment, sipping at his tea while he did. "I''m a little surprised by your taste in meeting places. Far more subdued than I expected. Not very intimidating at all."


    I shrugged. "Yeah. Sorry."


    He chuckled. "Don''t be. It shows me that even you can grow and change." He paused for another sip of tea. "You realize it seems you''ve mostly solved the initial problem?"


    I nodded. "Yeah, kinda, but I''m not sure if the problem is solved or I''ve just papered over the symptoms, y''know? Also, I don''t know if what I''ve done has set up some kind of bigger problem later, or if I need to keep doing something to keep them from backsliding."


    Weirdest thing, the more I talked the more satisfied Lenny looked. When I paused, he waited a moment, then said, "Well, I can offer some advice, things I was taught a decade or more ago when I worked at the Academy alongside William more often."


    "Okay. I''ll all ears. Hit me."


    He proceeded to give me a bunch of what seemed like really little, finicky tips. Like, ways to phrase shit, specific timing on things, like really persnickety bullshit. But I''d asked, and he seemed like he wanted to legit help. Then again, these were Alliance Cadets. Something told me right there that whether he''d walk across the street to piss on me if I were on fire, he''d actually bought in to the whole Alliance concept. I did my best to take mental notes, and when I started getting overwhelmed, thought, Kitten?


    I''ve been listening, love.


    Thanks. Love you.


    Love you too. Back to listening.


    Maybe half an hour after that, he wrapped up, taking another sip of tea before saying, "anything more would require me to know the results of implementing those stragegems."


    I nodded my reply. "Fair enough. Thanks for the advice."


    "You mentioned needing something else?"


    I smirked just a little, but mostly at myself. "Yeah, I had one thing in mind, but now that I''ve got you here, I''m wondering... Would you mind tutoring Vickerson at some point?"


    He raised an eyebrow. "You''d have the Alliance''s premier strategist tutor a simple common Soldier?" I definitely felt a bug crawl up my butt at that, but I held my tongue as he stared at me, then sighed. "Since my own Skills have been surpassed by my former prot¨¦g¨¦, who was a common Bag prior to becoming Imperator, I suppose I ought correct my assumptions about where talent can be found." As I sat there trying not to gawp at him, he took another sip of tea. "I will meet with her. Should my own assessment agree with your own, even in part, I will arrange to teach her as much as she can learn about strategy. If the Alliance continues to grow, we may well find ourselves needing more than two Generals capablee of leading an army."


    I kinda deflated at that point. Weird. I''d won, but not by being all blustery and scary, but by holding my fuckin'' tongue. By shutting the fuck up and letting him convince himself. Shit, this must be what growing up feels like.


    "Anything else?"


    I took a deep breath. "Yeah, but this one is totally a personal favor. If you can''t, or even just don''t want to, I understand, and I''m not gonna push you." He nodded, took another sip of tea, and waved for me to continue. "I saw you fighting back during the war."


    His head tilted. "When?"


    "The night raid. You held off three New Amsterdam Heroes and and their Levies until Saffron managed to distract one. Then you took out the other two."


    He paused in thought for a moment. "That matches my own recollection, yes."


    "You''re an absolute badass with a spear." He shifted one shoulder in a shrug. "You''re also a good teacher." He just sat there, quietly, until I forced myself to say it. "Would you please teach my daughter Ria as much as she can learn about how to use a spear?"


    He froze, then a smile crept across his face, chasing the kumquat look away. "You''d trust me?"


    I shrugged. "I think you''re kind of an asshole, but you''re... a trustworthy asshole? You''re not gonna hurt my kid, both because I don''t think I''ve ever seen you hurt somebody for funsies, and you also know that if you hurt her I''ll hand you over to Conrad..." His eyebrow drew up, questioning. "The Weyland Smith''s given name." Got to hand it to him, other than a slight twitch of his eyebrow, he took the news better than anyone I''d ever told about Conrad. "So, yeah, I trust you, both to do the right thing and to avoid getting turned into a table lamp."


    He chuckled. "Only you. Tabby." When I tilted my head, looking a question at him, he said, "You ask a personal favor of me, acting as if there''s no benefit to me in performing said favor. Meanwhile the favor is to spend a great deal of time with the daughter of the Imperator of the Alliance, the Champion and Patron Demigoddess of the Alliance, and also the daughter of the Overlord of Rich Man''s Port. Thus leaving all three of you indebted to me."


    "Yeah, I guess so. Don''t think it''ll let you walk away if you pull some deeply shady shit."


    "Do you think me that stupid, Tabby?"


    "Stupid? Hell no. Just kinda entitled and arrogant."


    "Well then. Why would I do something so stupid as to anger three of the most powerful women in the Alliance, when I have the opportunity to ingratiate them to me?"


    I sat there, staring. Holy shit, there might be something to this ''keep my mouth shut and let people convince themselves'' thing. "Thanks, Lenny."


    He nodded, then finished his tea. "Of course, Tabby."


    Yeah, that''s definitely gonna take some getting used to.

 Day Six Hundred And Seven

    Dear Diary,


    So weird. What happened yesterday, I mean. Like, I get that I can be intimidating. That''s one of my better skills that I''ve had since way back in the day at Eastside. I dunno if it came from reading way too much horror, or I just had a knack, but I could always come up with something that made a dude''s balls shrivel up in a way that he didn''t lash out. Which is always a concern; dudes are almost always bigger and stronger than women, and they''re brought up to respond to threats with violence. So there''s a whole fuckin'' art form to phrasing a threat so it''ll make them back down without making them lash out.


    Here and now I''ve not only gotten better at that, but I''m actually capable of following through with that shit. I cannot think that there''s a single sane human being who would look at what I did to The Morrigan and not say ''yeah, no, what did you need me to do to avoid that, now''. Okay, I''m sure there are freaks out there who would deliberately piss me off just to get me to do that, because if there is anything that competes with human stupidity in terms of depth, complexity, and variety, it''s human freakiness. Let me state here and now that while I really don''t want to be doing that shit to anybody, I''d rather they came up to me and asked for it than do shit to piss me off as much as I was pissed at The Morrigan. Seriously.


    But that''s just it, I didn''t intimidate Lenny. I just... I dunno, asked him for some favors. Asked him for advice, too, but that''s just another kind of favor. He didn''t bluster, didn''t turn me down, didn''t force me to beg for it. He just, I dunno, agreed. Like, I get it, I''m asking him for stuff that''s well within his wheelhouse, and it''s also stuff that doesn''t really hurt him in any way. It might even give him some kind of additional benefits or influence or something down the line. I don''t think about it a lot, but the Imperator''s kids, the Patron Goddess'' kids, are on the fast track to positions of power and influence. If they want them, I guess. Especially Ria, who along with those other two is also the daughter of the Overlord of Rich Man''s Port.


    On the one hand, I really hope I haven''t just set my kid up for being brainwashed by Lenny. On the other hand, if he does, there''s always the Morrigan treatment, right?


    So yesterday after inexplicably getting everything I wanted out of Lenny Lancaster, I returned him to the Council chamber then kinda stumbled home in a daze. Spent the last bits of the afternoon playing with the kids. Led them all in to dinner, which was another pastry thing. Fish, I think? Hard to tell, but I think it was fish. Sometimes Marie''s cooking winds up being utterly confusing, but it''s still good. Like, I have no idea what''s going in my mouth, but I''m completely copacetic with it nonetheless. Describes a lot of what happens with Marie.


    After dinner we all wandered up to the Bath, scrubbed down, and spent some time soaking. Definitely needed it, which surprised me. I think maybe my scars hurt worse when I''m less mentally together. Not sure. Definitely felt better after an hour or so in the warm heat of the Bath though.


    Got everybody into bed, at which point my Murder Mittens rolled us all into the Bed. Siobhan, giggling, hopped out of the bed and flounced over to the divan. Saffron pulled me down to the end of the bed as Marie arranged the saddle off to my side.


    "Uh, guys, what..." I trailed off as Marie lay back across me, handing me the remote for the saddle as she did.


    "Psaltery."


    "Oh. Okay. Wasn''t really prepped for a concert tonight."


    Siobhan shot me a pout as Saffron pinned Marie across my lap the same way she had last time we did this. "Oh, but I''ve been waiting ever so long!"


    "Really? When did they tell you about this?" I asked as I ran my hands across Marie''s arched belly and breasts, enjoying the sounds she made as her nipples stiffened.


    "At least a week ago!"


    I snorted. "Okay. Okay. I guess I did go on about wanting applause, didn''t I?"


    Saffron leaned in, kissed me, then said, "you did."


    "Okay then. Let''s make some music."


    In the end I got my applause. Standing ovation, even. Siobhan looked adorable, jumping up and down, clapping her hands. She even started calling out, "encore! Encore!"


    At which point Saffron, who''d tipped over onto the bed to lie there panting when I finished playing, panted out, "Sorry. Siobhan. I''m utterly spent."


    So you know Siobhan had to step forward, one finger to her lips, saying, "I could take her place? For just one more song?"


    Yeah, yeah, I''d been singing a little. I blame Apollo. I definitely blame him for choosing ''oops I did it again'' for the encore. What? Dead people don''t give a shit, they''re dead.


    Weird. You''d think a night where I''m the only one not getting satisfaction or satiation was one I''d wind up all tossing an turning, but I slept like a baby. A happy, well fed baby, surrounded by my loves and our absolute horde of adorable scamps.


    Woke up less late than I had for the past week, just as everybody was stirring, going through their normal boot up routines. I mean, that varied a lot, even more than it had before we had all the kids. Obviously there''s Saffron''s long taste test of the world, which Menace does as well, and Marie''s decision to admit that she wasn''t sleeping anyhow. But now we''ve got Siobhan''s quick change from sleeping to awake. Daya''s like that too, although she''s so quiet it''s taken me a long time to catch on. Lindsey... I think she''s like Marie, except of course I can''t exactly call her on faking sleeping without embarrassing her, and she really does seem to be asleep sometimes. Then there''s David and Alexandra, who both wake up what I''d consider the ''normal'' way. Yawn, stretch a little, look around like they''re orienting themselves after a night of hopefully normal dreams.


    I kinda wonder about that. I know my ladies show up in my dreams, and from what they tell me it''s not just a kind of mutual thing, but also a form of Worship for them. A kind of members only Revel with just the six of us. Wow. Six. Five people who legit Worship me, and do so to the extent that feeding themselves and each other to me, even in a dreamscape, is something they''re eager and willing to do rather than vaguely horrifying. So fuckin'' weird. Still, I''ve said ''do as you will'', and this is what they will. Weird. Even weirder that Tallulah got that much more into it when I made it clear that I was absolutely dead serious about that part.


    So for the first time this week I managed to have breakfast with the wife, fianc¨¦e, concubine, and kids. Waffles for everybody, including special Fae waffles for Ria, Maze and I. Not sure why just the three of us got them, or how I can tell who got what, but Marie is absolutely the mommest mom of all of us, so while I might ask her at some point, I''m gonna start by assuming that she''s got a good reason. Also, I''m gonna assume that if I can twig to something Mana related, Siobhan and Saffron clocked that shit long ago, and neither of them would let something bad keep happening. Okay, not to our kids. Shit, I don''t think Siobhan could let something bad happen to anyone, even Sister Trease, and I''m pretty sure she hates that bitch more than I do. Saffron obviously could let bad things happen to those she thinks deserves it.


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    So once breakfast finished, the kids asked me to stay and play. All of them, clustered around. I looked at the batch, then up at my ladies. "I promised someone I''d help them with something today."


    The disappointment on their faces would have been comical if I didn''t know it was absolutely sincere. "Oh tay, Mama."


    I sighed. "Look, Menace. If you can be a little patient with me, and maybe let me be not all here for the first bit, I''ll see what I can do, okay?"


    That got a round of cheers, so I stood up and Co-Located to the Academy. I''m pretty sure I kept the look of distaste off my Homestead me after my conversation with the Headmaster.


    "I''m sorry, Champion, but I really do not know which room is Cadet Vickerson''s. I could find out for you, of course, but if time is pressing you''d be best served by asking Sister Trease."


    "Ugh."


    He smiled sadly. "She is surprisingly good at paperwork and budgeting."


    "Not your fault. Thanks, sir."


    Wonder of wonders, the Sister who walks like a water buffalo was all obsequious helpfulness. "Cadet Vickerson? Of course! Fourth floor, Center hall, Room six on the east side."


    "Thanks."


    "Anything for you, Champion!"


    Walked away from her office feeling greasy. Had to stop at the Infirmary just to rub some Siobhan against me to get that awful feeling off. As was normal when I stopped by the Infirmary, she wound up being a little exasperated. I think maybe I throw her off her Healer game a little when I''m there and grabbing her attention, like not using Blend to keep from distracting her or something.


    After that quick five minute bit of snuggling and snogging to wipe the Trease stank off of my soul, I wandered up to Vickerson''s room. After double checking my count twice, I knocked on the door, then turned the handle and walked in. The nasty organic crunch as the Devotional Day enchantment gave way made me smile with nostalgia. The very much not Vickerson hottie sitting up mid-self-service in the one occupied bed in the room, not so much.


    Doing my best to keep my eyes on her face, despite her sudden fevered redoubling of efforts, I said, "uh, sorry. I was told this is Cadet Vickerson''s room?"


    "Ye... yeah. Double. She..."


    I took pity on her right about then. Not sure why. "Snuck out?" She nodded, biting her lip. "Any idea where she is?" Headshake, although right about then I wasn''t sure if she really understood what I was saying. "I''ll leave you to it then?"


    I had no idea why she gave me such a forlorn look right then, but I''d be an absolute hypocrite if I tried to get judgey about somebody''s bean flicking needs. I slid the door closed behind me, leaned on it, and said, "exhibitionist, then?"


    Uh, Kitten? Dunno if this is Just Happening or not?


    That got me a moment of Saffron riffling through my head, followed by a girlish giggle and, oh, it most certainly does, in all the best ways. Enjoy, Goof.


    Dunno which was weirder; her repeatedly forcing her eyes open to stare at me every time they slipped closed as she pushed herself closer, or the absolute fire hose blast of Worship I got when she finished. Okay, the weirdest thing was when she caught her breath, sat up, and said, "if you say so, my Goddess."


    At that point I really looked around the room long enough to clock that everything had been doubled up. Two beds, two armoires, two desks, two chairs. Most importantly, two personal altars. The one near the empty bed had what looked like an absolutely shredded ring mail shirt, with a bag I assumed held the rest of the rings. The other... I didn''t realize anyone had done artwork of me and Saffron on the altar bed the day we brought the temple down. I''m also sure I''m not that, I dunno, girly-sexy. Gotta say, the artist nailed boy Saffron though. Like, to the degree that if they''d literally banged her, I''d take a copy of the picture to hang in the Bedroom and call it even.


    "This is a very special kind of..." I shook my head. "I really do need to find Vickerson, though?"


    She pouted a little, but just said, "Citron and Hildegarde were bickering last night at dinner. Not like that''s anything new. Some kind of competition. I think they kept her out past curfew."


    I stood there, my gob completely smacked. Citron and Hildegarde was bad enough, but roping Vickerson into their shenanigans? Nah, couldn''t be. "Okay, thanks. Uh... you want me to close this?"


    She frowned. "But... I''m an exhibitionist now?"


    I couldn''t help it. I facepalmed. "Look, Cadet, I... If me standing here while you did the deed sparked some revelation about your nature? Cool, cool. Glad to help you out on your journey of self-discovery. But I''ll be really disappointed if you take up a kink you don''t actually like just because of an offhand comment I made."


    I don''t know what her name was, but I definitely filed her face and other identifying features under ''Cadet Brat'' when she stuck her tongue out just a little bit, then said, "well, I guess there''s only one way to find out. Open, please."


    I was still shaking my head as I walked back into Trease''s office. Still wanting to when she layered another layer of greasy obsequiousness on me telling me Hildegarde''s room. I think most of the head shaking had gone away by the time I got to the Infirmary to get rid of said grease by application of surprisingly astringent Siobhan kisses. "I''m not sure whether to be annoyed that you come to me after seeing her, or annoyed that it makes me less annoyed at her."


    "How about annoyed that I still have to go and do shit today?"


    "Hmm... Fair. One more kiss before you go?"


    After another before I went, plus another for good measure, I wandered up to Hildegarde''s room. It was, fortunately, empty. That only made sense, since if I remembered right she''d matched her Devotional Day to his, which meant he had classes today, which meant she did too. Of course, just to be sure I had to to check his room. I got a sudden rush of brains to the head at that point and walked down to the basement.


    Double rush of brains, even if one of them wasn''t exactly to the head. The Maids went everywhere, even the guy''s dorms, and Maenads were definitely women, so obviously I could get into the Men''s Dormitory through the cellars, since I wasn''t in any rush. That''s the rush of brains to the head. The rush of brains elsewhere took me to the laundry, where I found Marie and proceeded to let her scour the final remaining bits of Trease awfulness off of my tongue with her own.


    Funny thing; it took me this long to figure out the whole basement trick, but who did I find as I passed through the smithies on my way to the Men''s Dormitory but Cadet Vickerson, clearly walking the Walk of Shame. Which definitely jack knifed my train of thought yet again, but I wasn''t about to let my good fortune go to waste.


    "Hey! Vickerson! Just the Cadet I was looking for!"


    "Oh, Goddess! I mean Champion! I mean Instructor! I..."


    I silenced her with a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, don''t worry about it. Just call me Diaz. And..." I stepped us both to the Courtyard of the Homestead, where the kids were all playing some freeform variation on ''tag'' that I still hadn''t completely grokked. "Let''s get started on that training of yours."


    "Uh..." She did not look copacetic with the horde of kids rushing toward her like she was some new toy.


    I held up one hand, and they all paused. "Here''s the deal. First thing you need to learn how to do in a fight is survive. Now, you''re not exactly a frail wilting violet, but by Cadet standards you''re a bit of a lightweight."


    She sagged a little. "I''ve worked on my Endurance, but..."


    I nodded. "Yeah, I get it. I got lucky, I think. My Endurance started out crazy high, and by the time we started actual sparring and shit I could take some serious punishment without falling over. But you''re not there. Yet. You will be, but not yet."


    "So, what am I to do until then?"


    "Well, you''re not tough enough to face tank hits. You''re not Skilled enough to deflect them. You''re not Strong enough to straight up block them. So we''re just gonna have to work on you dodging them."


    I''d had the kids scouring the local landscape for the morning, and at this point Menace stepped up, doing that solemn little kid face. She held up a three foot long limp as fuck stalk of maybe grass. "Dith yowah weapon." Vickerson gingerly reached out and took the stalk from her, at which point Menace leapt backward and grabbed a stick Maze was holding out for her. Nothing like a club or any other actual weapon, just the kind of thing kids would pick up and wail at one another with. The other girls all pulled out the same.


    "Okay, Vickerson, your goal is to not get hit. For every hit you take before lunch, you''re running the perimeter once after lunch."


    As the girls descended on her, leaving her to dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge, I got my second weird moment of the day. I remember way back when Saffron pointing out that prayer is, literally, talking to a Deity, but I''d thought of talking with Dad or Saffron or my ladies way more like, I dunno, some kind of magic cell phone that it totally floored me when I actually heard Vickerson''s fervent, if possibly less than respectful cry for aid in her time of need.


    Oh, fuck me.


    At that point I had only one recourse. "Not until you get tapped as a Hero!"

 Day Six Hundred And Eight

    Dear Diary,


    This past week has really thrown me for a loop. Like, learning that my assumption about Cadets and shenanigans being a Good Thing, so long as they''re not breaking any other rules, was, I dunno. Part of me thinks its nice and cool after growing up constantly being told that my, uh, need for fulfillment was bad and dirty and wrong. Another, ever shrinking part is just kinda screaming as it dies the panful death it so richly deserves, since it seems to think that any form of enjoyment from sex is, well, dirty and wrong. Then there''s the more conscious, aware part of my brain that is somehow making itself heard more and more often, and I''m not sure if I''m growing up or just not constantly, uh, unfulfilled. It''s not just amazed that there''s, like, whole fuckin'' societies where sex isn''t stigmatized, Phileo''s gone and fuckin'' weaponized that shit.


    Seriously, what else do you call it when you take the basic human need for intimate connection, use that to bond two hypercompetent combatants together, which will then absolutely supercharge all their shitkickery whenever either or both of them are in danger? Soldiers and those who train them know that; soldiers fight hardest to protect those they love. Oh, my fucking god, Phileo''s Heroes are powered up by the Power of Love.


    Are you sure you don''t mean Lust?


    Don''t you go getting all Puritanical on me now, Dad.


    Just joking, Daughter. I''m sure there are plenty of love matches made at the Academy as well.


    Yeah, well. Sorry to snap at you. You''re still the best.


    I know.


    Seriously, though, how am I just realizing that the Phileo City Heroic Academy is mass producing Magical Girls to fight against, well, all the shitty things that threaten Phileo City. Oh, fucking hell on toast. Phileo City. The fucking City of Love is defended by magic wielding warriors empowered by the Power of Love.


    Somehow even here in what appears to be a strong contender for the Shittiest Timeline Ever, Shoujo Manga still comes riding to the rescue.


    Wait. Fuck. No. Wait.


    I''m all but graduated from PCHA. I''m a fuckin'' Magical Girl. Seriously, I know I''ve fucked some shit up on multiple occasions, but let''s face it, I have yet to blenderize more people faster than the time I thought they''d killed Saffron. Fuck, the closest second, I''m pretty sure, at least in terms of body count, is when pre-Diana stole Isnomi. Fuck with those I love, I will fuck your shit up beyond all recognition. I just kinda wish I had, y''know, the hot... dre...


    Fuck. Dad! Did you know about this?


    Know about what?


    Look, Mister butter-wouldn''t-melt-in-my-mouth, I happen to be close personal friends with your warden and torturer, and I can tell her to not kiss it better when she''s done.


    Oh, I''m sure butter would melt in your mouth. You''re quite feisty. Clearly my daughter. But no, your dress was simply the whim of a dying old lecher.


    Tsk. Fine. I guess that''s... wait....


    So sorry, entering a tunnel, can''t hear you very well.


    Dad, you''re in a cave, what tunnel are you going to be... DAD!


    Okay, I''ve mentioned it before, but having the worlds biggest smart ass for a Patron Deity comes with it''s own perils. Having him adopt me as his daughter hasn''t made those any less perilous.


    So yeah, I don''t even think Japan''s even come up with the Magical Girl Trope yet, not here and now. So it''s not like the founders of Phileo knew about that shit. They based everything on here and now versions of Greek, Celtic, and Norse shit. The whole Power of Love thing came straight from Thebes. From the Sacred Brotherhood. Who absolutely weaponized it the exact same fuckin'' way. Which means if they used any kind of Magic at all, they were doing the Magical Girl thing too. Okay, they were all guys, so Magical Boy? Fuck it, Lachlan''s pretty enough, and he is very much Not A Girl. I''m gonna buy him a tiara.


    Heh, now I''m thinking about that old joke about the Magical Girl Team that defeats evil with the Powers of ''Love! Harmony! Incredible Violence, and Friendship!'' Oh, holy shit I need to set something up with my ladies now next time some big ugly asshole tries to fuck with our shit. I mean, I''m gonna be Incredible Violence, right? Seriously, which of is us more suited to that?


    Okay, fine, Saffron gets Incredible Violence, but I''m gonna put The Dress in Gladiator Mode and go as Lust. Siobhan can be Love. Dammit, Marie''s probably... no, wait, heart eating as a go-to, definitely Incredible Violence, and if she''s in the Yandere Shobitch Wedding Gown, Karen''s totally taking Lust. Not sure what Tallulah would go for. Honor? Like, the kind where you do your Duty even when you don''t want to, not the kind where you execute somebody for implying you didn''t. Maybe. Fuck, now I wish I''d watched more Sailor Sentai whatever Anime. Or was that the Power Rangers? Shit, I dunno, I mostly watched horror. Okay, horror and hentai. Okay, look, I was a fucked up kid and sometimes lost track of which was which.


    I''m gonna have to research this shit now. Dammit.


    That was just... what... Tuesday. My whole fuckin'' worldview thrown for a loop by cogitating about what happened on Tuesday. Heh. I guess that whole ''life comes at you sideways and hits you on a Tuesday'' wasn''t bullshit after all. Wednesday... I mean Wednesday wasn''t anything surprising, really. Kinda like the show. Good, yeah, some things that creeped me out a little to learn, some shit I''ll have to, ah, look at more later, but yeah, but nothing earth shattering, I don''t think. Nothing quite like learning that the one force that has managed to consistently defeat the fucking Pit of Evil that is anti-empathy champion Sparta is the weaponized Power of Love.


    Yeah, I''m not getting over that shit for a while.


    But then Thursday with Lenny. Damn. I mean, was that... wait. Hold the fuck up. How the fuck did Lenny graduate? Shit, Is it a graduation requirement? I can''t see the Marshall just, like, dumping somebody after using them to graduate. But then, I don''t see a lot of Heroes their age around either. Mostly people between them and us in age. So maybe she died. Maybe he died. Fuck, maybe they''re both Patroc as fuck and I just didn''t clock that. No, the Marshall definitely did an ''I''ll be in my bunk'' when I Onotopped him, so he''s Pan at most. If anything I''d guess at Lenny being Ace, because he certainly hasn''t shown any interest in...


    Fuck me sideways, the only thing I''ve ever seen that man take an interest in is Lancaster House. The abstract ''my line and legacy'' part more than the physical building itself, but holy shit that explains so much. It also means that said House, which was looking like it would wind up grinding itself to dust after not too much longer, with his two potential Heirs-of-the-body being an easily duped himbo and a perpetually angry pipsqueak, and all his other potential heirs being utter shit-vipers, was saved by... Yep, yet again, the Power of Love.


    Look, yeah, there''s a lot of Lust going on with those two. I get it. But there''s Love there two. I dunno what dumbass in an ugly dress over in Rome decided that ''Love'' and ''Lust'' were incompatible, but just thinking about how much angst that caused me back in the day makes me want to find out, summon them up, and do unto them as I did unto The Morrigan, and that shit makes me feel guilty just thinking about it.


    So after yesterday''s morning of beat-Vickerson-with-sticks, which wound up with her getting way more laps in the afternoon than I really felt comfortable with, I wound up doing in-flight refueling as she ran laps around the outer perimeter of the Courtyard. Still took her most of the afternoon, and she looked like a wrung out dishrag by the end of it, but I carried her in to dinner, sat her in my chair and let Siobhan feed her, since I didn''t want all the cries of ''favoritism'' to start up again. Yes, now that I''m thinking about it I realize letting my Concubine do the work isn''t much better. It might be worse. Fuck, I''m shit at this. But fuck it, I keep trying. So after dinner, with her still kinda in no shape to stand, I picked her up, nodded to everybody, and stepped back to her dorm room.


    The room was dark, the door firmly shut, Cadet Brat furiously self-servicing like she was racing the setting sun. Fuck it, maybe she was, I dunno. I banished Vickerson''s outer garments to the floor, lay her on her bed and tucked her in, even going as far as giving her a very Mom kiss on the forehead. "Great work out there today, Vickerson."


    Then we both broke out into almost annoyed giggles as Cadet Brat signaled her victory noisily. "Sorry, Ma''am. I''m kinda shit at dodging, aren''t I?"


    I shrugged. "I dunno. You were getting hit way less often as it got closer to lunch."


    She just snorted. "Sure, but that''s because they''re kids. Some of them little kids. Way easier to dodge four winded not-even-pre-teens than seven fired up kids."


    "Yeah, but you got pretty good at dodging Menace."


    "The littlest one? I guess. But how hard can that be?"


    I almost choked on my spit at that. "I don''t know whether to tell her you said that or not."


    "Don''t. I don''t want to hurt her feelings."


    "Okay, yeah, I won''t, because you said that. Not because it would, but because she might bite your kneecaps off if she thinks you''re disrespecting her."


    She laughed, then stopped when she realized I wasn''t laughing. "Oh, c''mon." I just kept staring. "Really?"


    "Oh, definitely. The only question would be if she does it from the front, back, top, or bottom. I love my little Menace, don''t get me wrong, but there is a reason we call her a Menace."


    "I''ll keep that in mind."


    "Yeah, also keep in mind that by the end of the morning, you were keeping out of her reach pretty well, pretty consistently, without thinking about it. Shows you''ve got good instincts to base things on. Now, get some sleep. PT in the morning." She groaned. Cadet Brat echoed her, and something about the exact pitch and tone of the sound made me wince. "And you," I said, pointing at Cadet Brat, "before you do that kind of marathon session again, talk to the Infirmary or the Temple about getting some lube. Bloody Hell, woman, are you tryna damage yourself?"


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    "No?"


    "Good. Go to the Infirmary if it hasn''t stopped hurting in ten minutes." I turned to Vickerson. "Carry her there if she can''t walk." Then I stepped away before anybody could force me to start applying topical heals to Cadet Brat''s lady bits. I did not sign on for that.


    As my ladies and I lay in the Bath, soaking in the warmth both physical and metaphoric, I asked Saffron, "how is it that I''ve got so many Cadets following me?"


    Siobhan and Saffron both swiveled their heads around to stare at me. Siobhan just kind of gawped, but Saffron said, "pray tell me, love, are you wanting more applause, calling out for help because you''re feeling yourself spiral, or legitimately asking?"


    I snorted, then outright laughed a bit when her question percolated through my lazy, Bath warmed brain. "Legit asking, but thanks for clarifying. I''m... actually feeling pretty good after this week, all things considered. I''m just weirded out."


    Saffron nodded. "From what I''ve read, the last Deity Worshipped in Phileo to properly embody both Violence and Love in any meaningful capacity was Freya."


    "Not Dionysus?"


    She kinda tossed her head side to side. "He''s not really a God of Love or Violence. Associated with both, yes, but both are more by-products of his Domains than the Domains themselves."


    "Okay, I can see that. But what about Freya?"


    "Odin looked on her support of the Academy with great distaste. I didn''t know this until relatively recently, but his denying her Atlantean Worshippers may have been what first caused the split between them."


    "Oh. Oh, shit. So, like, they''re not together any more?"


    "Legally? Physically? I''m not sure they can ''divorce''. But I''m fairly certain they haven''t said a single civil word to one another in centuries."


    I pondered that for a moment. "Any chance she''d back us if we approached her?"


    My Kitten pouted a little at that, but I watched the wheels spinning in her brain suck that annoyance down and use it as fuel. "She didn''t object to the Pact in the first place. But then, neither did Diana. It''s possible that her diminishment has caused her to rethink her stance on the matter."


    "Huh. Kinda like it has Diana. Or Dionysus. Or even Loki." Sorry, Dad.


    No need to apologize. I was, as you might put it, an arrogant little shit in my youth.


    Thanks Dad. You''re the best now, though.


    I know.


    Saffron just smiled indulgently at me. After a few more moments, my brain connected the dots. "Wait a minute. It still keeps, like, flying under my radar, but you definitely said, ''Love'', right?"


    "I did."


    "Love and Violence."


    "Yes."


    I shook my head, whether in disbelief or disapproval I really couldn''t say. "That sounds like a recipe for domestic abuse."


    "Oh, love. Have I ever abused you?" I opened my mouth, and she Grinned at me and fluttered her lashes as well. "Have I ever done aught to her that displeased my Goddess?"


    "Uh... kids, right there."


    She chuckled hard enough I could feel the jiggle physics without looking. "And what are we doing save talking, my love?" She splashed me with some water in the face for good measure. Let me tell you, warm water does not have the same libido calming effects that cold water does. Which she no doubt knew.


    "Still, Love and Violence?"


    She paused, then got real solemn. "Think on your greatest acts of Violence, love. In defense of our daughter. In vengeance of me." She smiled just a little crookedly. "Perhaps in pursuit of intimacy with your adoring partners, which Ericson, Gregor, and the Master of Calverton all felt the blunt, painful edge of. But Love and Violence need not combine as violence toward loved ones. Nor should they, as you''ve made clear."


    I knew there had to be some argument against that, like something about them doing so anyway, but she silenced me with a kiss, and when her lips got tired Siobhan took over. Then the two of them went and played with the kids for a bit while Marie did the same. When we got the kids to bed and they all spirited me off to the Bedroom, I wound up feeling some kinda way, sitting there on the end of the bed, arms folded, grumpy-like.


    "What''s wrong, love?"


    "Kinda wanted to play with the kids some myself."


    One eyebrow shot up. "Really?"


    I couldn''t help it, the other two looked so flabbergasted in the mirror I started laughing. "Yeah, kinda. But also, you guys really took your time to take things to the next level this week." When they all looked a little puzzled, I said, "I mean here, in the Bedroom. Both in the evenings and, for a certain Co-Locating Tigress, all day Monday."


    Saffron faux-glared at Marie, fondly annoyed. "I knew you weren''t sleeping all day, despite what someone told me."


    Marie, in her best prim and proper voice, said, "Assumed."


    That set Siobhan to laughing right away, and after a moment Saffron joined in. "you know, I''m fairly certain I did, now that you mention it." Then she turned back to me, and gently but firmly towed me back onto the bed. "You nearly died last week, love."


    "Wha?"


    "The bear. It landed on you. I''m absolutely certain that should have been a mortal wound. Would have been immediately fatal for anyone less durable than yourself. The only reason that you didn''t die was that you collapsed her into yourself. Which..."


    "Oh, fuck. Yeah. Ow. But I don''t think I have any new scars?"


    "Most of the damage would have been internal. Like squeezing the juice from a... what was that fruit again, Marie?"


    "Orange."


    I winced at the mental image, because although I''d been way too pumped up on adrenaline and rage at the time, that definitely matched what I remembered. "Well. Fuck. Can''t say I''m feeling bad now... wait, that''s what this has all been about?"


    Siobhan leaned in, kissed me until I''d almost forgotten my question, then after she pulled away said, "no, silly Goddess. That is not all this has been about. If it were some mechanical decision to heal you as quickly as possible, we could have simply run you through the gamut of willing Worshippers at the Temple of Love. Or perhaps at the Academy. Or maybe both?" She looked at the other two. "Should we try both next time, just for comparison?"


    Saffron shook her head, and for the barest moment I felt a mix of relief and regret. "No." Then, of course, she slammed both of those sliders back up to eleven. "We''d need to do one, then the other, then both. There''s no point in testing if you''re not going to be thorough and scientific about it." She sighed, an absolutely fake and yet absolutely adorable thing. "Of course, without near identical injuries, it''s hard to really compare how effective each healing method would be."


    "I can''t tell... No, you two are absolutely serious about all that, aren''t you?"


    "Three."


    "Thanks, Marie. You three area all serious about that, aren''t you?"


    The three of them lasted about three seconds before they all broke down laughing. "Yes and no?" I pouted at Saffron until she waved me down, then kept pouting just a little until she straddled my belly and used my hands to prop her up.


    "World cold and hard, tiddy warm and soft."


    "Wisdom for the ages, straight from the mouth of our Goddess, ladies."


    "Damn straight."


    Saffron just chuckled and smiled at me. Kitten smile equally warm and soft, but I wasn''t gonna say that just then, or it might change. "Seriously, though, love, while if either of those was likely to heal you faster or more thoroughly than what we''ve done? Any and all of us would agree to it in a heartbeat."


    "Perhaps insist on it," chimed in Siobhan, slipping behind Saffron, arms going around her. "I might try and sneak into that line, though."


    Saffron laughed aloud again at that. "Oh, please. We would all three of us be going through that rotation as often as we allowed ourselves. But that brings us back to why, along with our Goddess'' inexplicable modesty, this might be the better option." The other two looked at her, waiting, as did I. "While it''s true many of our Tabitha''s Worshippers Lust after her, for many it''s no more personal than those who seek her favor to bless their strength of arms. But those who have blessed this place with us? And yes, if you needed it, I would absolutely call in Karen and Tallulah, Lachlan and Linus, even Silk and oh, most especially Panther. Honestly, I''m slightly embarrassed I didn''t think to bring him in this week."


    "After I almost killed his village?" My face burned where she slapped me. "Twice." That got both sides burning. "I''m not wrong."


    I''d caught both her hands at that point, and she now actual-glared at me. "Put. Those. Back."


    "No slapping me if I do."


    "Only if you start lying again."


    I frowned. "Tell me why I''m wrong, and I''ll stop."


    She sighed, then nodded. I let go of her hands, and she put them back where they''d been. "Much better. Now, before you go diving for reasons to dislike yourself again, I do not believe you were responsible for the Plague that hit their town. The vector, as you might put it?" I nodded. "Silk. A few of the women''s children were in with what appeared to be a minor head cold while he was visiting. As you saw in the tub, much like Lachlan, he''s surprisingly good with children." She paused, then muttered, "or not so surprising, considering he seems to be a full grown child himself," Then she shook her head and continued. "But as the children either shook off the cold quickly, or were Cured by their mothers nearly as fast, no one took note of it. It''s not like the town has never seen illness before our arrival. But they''ve never been exposed to that particular Europan strain, and... well... you saw the results."


    "Yeah. Okay. I guess."


    "And then, after exhausting yourself reversing every ill effect that Plague had on the town, you proceeded to literally all but kill yourself defending it from a Dire Bear which would have killed everyone in the town. You didn''t ''almost kill'' them twice, love. You saved them twice."


    I sighed. "Okay. Okay. You win. I''ll stop resisting. On one condition." I wriggled and bucked my hips just a little bit to scoot both my ladies just a little further up my torso. "You don''t resist either."


    Saffron smiled down. "What am I supposed to stop resisting?"


    I flopped my arms to my sides. "Gravity?"


    She didn''t. Hell of a way to go to sleep. Even if she did get a little salty when she faceplanted into the pillow behind me. Saltier when I put my arms around both of them and wouldn''t let them up. Saltiest when Marie just draped herself over all of us like a warm blanket until we drifted off to sleep.


    Dreamt of Ice Pop and Soup Dumpling floating around my Maw tied up in Marie Pasta, while Tallulah and Karen kept pushing them back from the edges. Karen did so with a flamethrower that did not, in fact, light them on fire. Weird, but almost not as weird as Tallulah shoving them back with a giant... Breadstick? Linguine? Something long and stiff and Karen kept laughing at her until she said, "but it is straight, as am I." At which point Karen just laughed harder. Dunno why I can''t actually speak in those dreams, but holy shit I can still laugh. The old jokes are the best jokes, I think.


    Woke in the morning surrounded by my lovely ladies, kissed them all and the kids as well before hopping off to start my day at work with the most important meal of the day. Fae Waffles! Okay, I''m pretty sure not all the waffles were Fae Waffles. Pretty sure only the one, maybe. Because if I ate that many Fae Waffles they''d be rolling me out to the Practice Yard on a dolly or some shit like that. I would be stoned into next week. Marie had taken the Lancaster House Waffle recipe to heart and somehow transformed it, taken it to the next level, and holy crap but that woman can cook.


    Since I''d worked poor Cadet Vickerson to the bone the day prior, of course I was kind and considerate and I can''t even keep up that bit without laughing because I worked her ass to the bone during the warm up run, then had all the Cadets doing extra warm up Isometrics. After lunch I set her to working with Citron and Hildegarde, with extra special bonus difficulty.


    "Tango, but no contact." All three of them looked at me like I''d grown another head. "C''mon, Cadets. You know the definition of ''good training'', right?" Hildegarde and Citron just stared at me, but Vickerson groaned. "Yeah, she knows. She can tell you while I work with your classmates. Get practicing!"


    I really think I did some good with each of the other Cadets. None of them were in bad shape on anything, but all of them had a few flaws that needed polishing, and all of them brightened up when I complimented their strong points. I don''t want to admit it, but a lot of the phrasings, the things i called out, were things Lenny had suggested not two days prior.


    Of course, at the end of the day I got back to my trio of trials and tribulations to find Hildegarde leading both of the others. Not in a ''no contact'' sense, and barely in a Tango. Which, I mean, I guess Shakira is only correct if you exclude really shitty Tango. Dammit, now I want to Tango with Saffron and Marie simultaneously just to proof the mononormativity of that song wrong. But this might be one of those times when the statement is correct, but the metaphor is broken. I dunno.


    What I do know is that both of them looked too exhausted to eat. Marie? Can you send plates for Citron and Vickerson up with Hildegarde?


    Bring?


    Nah, I want her to have a little something to remind her not to actually exhaust her partners quite this much.


    Understood.


    Hildegarde''s mild consequence for a mild infraction thus assured, I looked at her and said, "Marie will have plates for them made up at dinner; make sure those plates arrive at their dorm rooms safe and sound, okay?"


    "Should I take them to the Infirmary?"


    A quick pair of Assesses later, and I shook my head. "Nah. They''re just exhausted. Try not to work them quite so hard next time? Kinda rough sleeping out here on the stone. In fact," I reached out and took Vickerson from her. "Get him to his room and into bed, and then you''re dismissed to dinner. See you in the morning, Cadet."


    Heh. Gave an entirely new meaning to the word, ''ride them hard and put them away wet''. Okay, didn''t really. Also, glad I didn''t say that out loud. Where anyone could hear. Anyone awake, at least.


    Anyone except fuckin'' Cadet Brat.

 Day Six Hundred And Nine

    Dear Diary,


    Still kinda reeling over my realization yesterday. I mean, I get it, Phileo Heroes are not actually Magical Girls. They don''t spout goofy catch phrases, they mostly don''t wear stripperific costumes, and to be fair all of the ones who do that are in some way connected to me, and they don''t shout out their attacks before they do them. Okay, Hero Potami does that, but in her case it''s absolutely a long con. I really hope I get to be in the audience at some point when she pulls the trigger on that one. Some big asshole coming at her with an axe or some shit, she calls out ''Air Shield'', he''s like ''hurr hurr hurr me have dragon claw axe cleave through...'' and right about then is when the Fire Bolt gives him a brain piercing.


    I guess maybe it''s a sign I''ve gone a little bit native that thinking about that whole scene makes me giggle. But only maybe. Seriously, I loved me some horror movies back in the day. I''m talking to the degree that I got pulled in for counseling at least once, in the ''you''re in crisis, you need help, lets make sure you don''t have access to guns or explosives'' kind of sense. Couple other times it was less crazy, but still had me talking to the school shrink for hours. Then again, she was pretty cool. Wore these short as fuck skirts, legs for days, holy shit how did I not realize I was full on Bi from like age eight, oh, right, I''m a card carrying dumbass.


    Fuck, now I''ve got to get somebody to make me a card that says, ''certified dumbass'' on it. Really sad part is that I think the nearest laminator is a universe away.


    But yeah, I used to mouth all the right things. ''I know the difference between reality and fiction''. ''Movies and television shows aren''t real''. ''Hurting people is wrong, I know that''. ''It''s just an outlet for my frustrations when I can''t control my self-destructive impulses''. Oh, man, that one got me a whole assed pass to go talk to the shrink whenever I ''felt a depressive episode coming on''. Like I was actually depressed or something. Wait. Fuck. I think that shrink honey trapped me into coming to therapy for my depression. Damn that woman was smooth. Psychology and game wise. Never got a chance to find out about otherwise.


    Don''t get me wrong. I kinda suspect she might have used my schoolgirl pseudo crush to get me to come in for the little help she could provide, but she never actually said or did anything that indicated she was interested. Also I''m pretty sure she wasn''t dressing that way to lure students into her lair. I mean office. You don''t stop just outside the view of the doorway of one particular teacher''s doorway every time and adjust your skirt hem up if you''re looking to entrap random students. Heh. I remember telling that teacher about it while chilling in their room at lunch. They told me they were flattered, a little surprised at being the intended target of flirtation, but not, like, shocked. Apparently there''s a big teacher''s conference once a year back there, and while the administrator wannabes are all about getting their learn on, most of the teachers who gather are there to drink and hook up with somebody who understands what it''s like to be surrounded by hundreds of hormone driven idiots on any given day.


    Speaking of hormone driven idiots, mine did a pretty good job yesterday, so I felt good heading home after putting Vickerson to bed. As Saffron staggered over to me and settled in my lap, melting into me like so much cheese, I snuggled her in and stroked her hair. "Rough day?"


    She shrugged. "Just... normal, I guess. I''m closing on completing my Inspect. I think. I hope."


    "Really?"


    She shook her head, but almost forced a smile. "Don''t get all excited. I''ve been working on this for nearly a year and a half by now. While that''s only half the time Franklin supposedly took for his Inspect, we both know that he spent most of his time fundraising and conning my ancestors out of their literal Souls."


    "Oh, shit. I forgot something. Um... keep going, I just got a little bit of an errand to run."


    She looked at me, smiled, then leaned her head against my chest. "Just poke me in the mouth with food when it''s here. Do try to make sure I don''t choke to death."


    I smiled, brushed her eyes closed, and Co-Located to the Workshop. "Son? Are you around?"


    A Hole Spawn claw slipped around me, and I nearly cracked it in half before I realized it wasn''t alive. Just the shell, really, slipping around my waist. "Apologies, Mother Dearest. I wanted to show you my latest acquisition!"


    "It''s impressive, son. Taken from your live Hole Spawn?"


    "Yes! Not taken alive, sadly, although the specimen itself is still hale and hearty. Frighteningly so, really. Would you like to see?"


    "Sure! Lead on."


    He led me into his Workshop, fortunately away from the section I knew held that fucking torture machine. I really shouldn''t feel that antagonistic about a simple machine, but... torture. Trauma inflicted for the sake of trauma. I mean, in this case it had an actual good reason, as the closest thing to a, I dunno, ''Soul MRI'' here and how has to offer, but still. Not sure if I''ve even begun processing that particular trauma yet. Not sure if I''ll ever really be able to. Even thinking about it brings up echoes of the existential dread I felt back then. The worst thing isn''t even that I think she was wrong. Or even that I think she might have been right. The worst thing is that somehow, I''ll still wind up failing in the one thing she asked me to do.


    At any rate, by the time I got my head out of my own existential dread ass, I was walking up a series of... ''permanent temporary scaffolding'' stairs running up the side of the huge glass tank I''d put the Hole Spawn in. I held my breath, half expecting the kind of stench I''d experienced every other time I interacted with one. I realized as we reached the top of the scaffolding that Conrad had sealed the entire tank. Tubes ran from the bottom, through a complicated, disturbingly organic filtration system, and back to the top. "Hermetically sealed?"


    "Indeed. Their odor is... Unpleasant."


    "How''d you get the claw out?"


    "A refinement of your brilliant scrying portals, actually! Such a fascinating variety of uses!"


    I looked into the tank and saw... nothing. Just cloudy water. "You sure it''s still okay in there?"


    He shrugged. "I find its health optimized in murk, but if I clear the water entirely, it either goes into a frenzy or goes into torpor. I''m still experimenting with what causes each state."


    I wanted to talk about animal abuse, but... Hole Spawn. Him leaving it in its preferred environment most of the time was way nicer than my solution, which would involve a size-Olga stiletto heel. "Can I see it?"


    "Certainly!" He waved his hand through a simple shape, something vaguely reminiscent of an Air Shield, or maybe a Filtration Ward, and a moment later the filtration system moaned into action. Almost literally, the thing groaned almost like a lost Soul. Which, given whose Workshop I stood in wasn''t entirely unlikely. I decided to talk to him about that after I''d asked him everything I''d come to ask him.


    While we waited for the water to clear, I said, "so, how''s the present for Siobhan coming along?"


    He shot me a sly smile. I have no idea why this present in particular shoved her from ''vaguely offensive'' to ''amusingly acceptable'' in his eyes, but it did, and I wasn''t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. "Oh, I''m still noodling about with it, but it''s really just a question of finishing touches. Would you like to see?"


    I shook my head. At his vaguely disappointed look, I said, "not before it''s done, son." That didn''t seem to mollify him, so I explained my reasoning. "Look, everything I''ve seen you make is exquisite. Pretty much literally beyond compare. The only things I''ve seen that do compare are literally other things you''ve made, and each one is such a unique work of art that it''s stupid to say one is ''better'' or ''worse'', entirely because they''re so unique. But seeing something you''ve made, then seeing that same thing after you''ve changed it? That''s just... I dunno. I think it would mess with my head and diminish my appreciation for the final product."


    Conrad, The Weyland Smith, just stood there staring at me for almost a full ten count. I almost started to get nervous before he cracked his best impression of a heartfelt smile yet. "Mother Dearest, that is quite possibly the greatest compliment I''ve ever been paid in words. Thank you. I shall endeavor to leave you as impressed as always. Although..."


    "Although?"


    "Although I do now have a desire to show you something at what you might call my ''first draft'' stage, then show it to you in its finished form, and hear your opinion, your comparison of the two."


    I tensed up a little, because I did not want to put myself in a position to upset Conrad, even as his Mother Dearest, but... he''d made a very trusting gesture to me now, twice. Turning that down was stupid. "Okay. I''m worried that I''ll upset you, or worse be too uncultured to appreciate the differences, but sure. Just... not," I paused, trying to explain.


    He stepped into the breach like a dutiful son. "Just not with the birthday present for your favorite pet."


    I sighed with relief. "Yeah, I... Wait a minute, she''s not a pet!"


    "Oh, Mother Dearest. Aren''t we all, in the end? Just bright, momentary flashes illuminating your Darkness?"


    I reached up and lay a hand on his cheek. I absolutely did not intend in any way to be remonstrative about it, either, hoping my calloused fingertips could still be gentle. "Son. Oh, son. She''s a person. You''re all people. Just like me. We''re all people, tryna live our best lives, the best way we know how, the best ways we''ve learned, the best ways we''ve been taught, in a fucked up, uncaring world."


    For the barest fraction of a second, I thought I felt him leaning into my hand. Then his grin and eyes sparkled. "Oh, Mother Dearest. You counter your own argument within the argument itself, and yet you state every word as truth, and somehow they are. You are endlessly fascinating!"


    I took a half step back, throwing up my best mock suspicion face. "No vivisecting your Mother without permission!"


    "Do I have permission?"


    "No."


    He shrugged, then laughed. "Oh, well. You know I''d put you back together, good as new. Mom would kill me otherwise."


    At this point the water had cleared, and the Hole Spawn came at us, doing its dead level best to beat through the glass between us. It hammered at it several times a second, never seeming to tire. Eventually I looked at Conrad. "How is the glass holding?"


    This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.


    "Well, to begin with it''s not actually glass. It''s a metallic oxynitride several times stronger than glass. It''s also a series of laminated sheets of polarized material interspersed with and I''m losing you already."


    "No, no, that''s fascinating!"


    "Your eyes were glazing over, Mother."


    "Like I said, fascinating! I was fascinated! Even better than if you''d given me cheese!"


    He froze, tilted his head, then snorted out what almost sounded like a real laugh. After a few seconds of that, which cut off like he''d thrown a switch, even if his almost natural smile remained, he said, "Very well. It''s not glass, it''s a much stronger composite material comprised of very strong clear physical materials and reinforcing Mana Shapes."


    "Doesn''t it disrupt the," I got a sudden rush of brains to the head. "Does the polarization of the material block the Mana? Like, insulate it from whatever in the Hole Spawns, and I guess Dragons, messes with Mana Shapes?"


    "Exactly!" I froze as he actually hugged me. "Oh, Mother Dearest! You forever surprise me with your insights. At any rate, that''s why it can beat on the walls all it likes, and it won''t get through."


    I shot him a look as he stepped away. "After rectally violating Murphy''s dog right in front of his face like that while it begged for the sweet release of death, tell me you''ve got, like, spare material lying around to patch the inevitable failure points?"


    "Mother!" He looked so shocked I almost bought it. Then he pointed across the Workshop to what looked to be an endless series of bins of varying sizes. One of them that looked to be the size of an Academy Cell lit up briefly. "Of course I do. I am brilliant beyond the ken of Mortals and Gods, and arrogant beyond even that, but I am not stupid."


    I smiled at him. "That''s my boy!" As I turned to watch the Hole Spawn, de-scented and futile in it''s aggression, I asked, "any chance you could maybe make one of those for your Mommy-to-be?"


    "Maenad Marie?" I nodded. "The one who intends to bear you even more siblings to pester me with?" I glanced over at him, but he looked more amused than anything. Then he breathed out, "the one you fantasized about making such lovely white stockings?" I didn''t pull a weapon, didn''t draw a Blade, but I stood looming over him, and watched as he shuddered deliciously nonetheless. "Mother. Please. You''ve said she''s family. She''s even to become yet another maternal figure for me. I''m awash with them. I feel so loved and cared for." His deadpan voice was doing nothing for his not being dead in a pan. "A boy can fantasize about his step-mother without being punished, can''t he?"


    The tiniest messed up wicked grin in his eye caught me. Caught the worst part of my sense of humor. I snerked. I snorted. I may have groaned and howled a little as I tried to contain the entirely inappropriate laughter. "Son?"


    "Yes, Mother?"


    "It is entirely your fault that I now have an image in my head of you going at it hammer and tongs with Marie with her ''stuck'' in a washing machine."


    "MOTHER!"


    "Your fault."


    "I said nothing of the sort!"


    "All you."


    "MOM! Mother''s teasing me!"


    I looked down to where Saffron stirred fitfully. She''d fallen asleep in my arms waiting for food. "Shh! She''s asleep. Rough day."


    "Oh! I''m sorry. Please apologize to Mom for me. I... I guess I got carried away?"


    "That''s what..." I stopped myself. "Sorry, Son. I didn''t really mean to offend you. But... those things I thought about Marie, about the others... those weren''t my finest thoughts."


    "Oh, I disagree most fervently. So artistic. Such vision." He held up a hand. "But I understand. Much as your gift for Sister Siobhan Darling is incomplete, not yet ready to be shown to the world, neither is your vision for your ladies'' stockings."


    I took a deep breath. Closed my eyes. "I am not now, nor will I ever, be ready to sacrifice my loving lovely ladies lives for... for anything, really, but definitely not for stockings."


    He pressed one hand against his chest. "Lives? Lives? Whoever asked them for their lives? Do you think me a butcher, then, mother?"


    I nodded. "Sorry, sorry, you''re right, but skinning them alive isn''t much better."


    I didn''t jump when he whispered in my ear from behind. "It''s what I did to the tentacles you offered up when you needed leather stronger than anything in the Mortal Realm."


    "Yeah. Well. It''s what I needed." I shuddered as I thought about the bindings in the Bedroom drawer. "I can still feel that skin, you know."


    "Of course! Only my crudest and most utilitarian, throwaway creations are made of dead flesh. The dead are forever decaying, but the living... the living grow and heal and change and threading that all back into itself is what makes them truly fit to last through the ages. For all eternity, for my more inspired creations." I swear he was almost about to lean back and do a full mad scientist cackle, but then he leaned forward again, close in, breathing out his words so I could barely hear them over the endless pounding of the Hole Spawn. "Their skin would be equally alive. Equally sensitive. Equally eternal. They would feel it each and every time you slipped them on, your skin against theirs." He paused as I definitely did not lie to myself about needing more than a moment to bring Her Dark Fatass and my own raging libido back under control. "I could even make you matching corsetry."


    "Son?" I managed to wheeze out.


    "Yes, Mother Dearest?"


    "Stop the sales pitch. Now. Please."


    He snerked. "That ''please'' sounded very appended."


    I laughed with just as little humor. "Son, I do try my best to model good behavior for you. Polite behavior. And saying ''please'' in that instance was far more polite, and probably more productive, than saying, ''right the fuck now, you sociopathic freak''."


    He frowned at me, playing the perfect little boy hurt. "Mother. I thought you approved of freaks? Aren''t we to all ''let our freak flags fly''?"


    Okay, look, there''s a time when parenting an older child where you''ve got to pull the curtain back. Just a little. As a treat. I''m not sure who for. But that''s what I''ve been told. "Son?"


    "Yes, Mother?"


    I swayed up to him, mirroring his own grin. Okay, I''m not sure it was a mirror. I am pretty sure that if I looked at Siobhan that way, she''d come twice, die, auto-Revive just to come again, then explode. "I absolutely would love those stockings with the brassiere and the thong and the garters. I would wear a different set every day. I would become a fucking clothes horse, eschewing my whole insta-changing trick and spending hours a day just changing my underwear, probably... no definitely while holding them there so I could watch their faces go slack as I slid them on. I would break the mold of fashion and fashion forward and go straight to fashion fucked up and wear them mix and match, and share them between my ladies as well."


    I realized how captivated I had him when he didn''t notice the Hole Spawn going quiet in its tank, didn''t notice the shadows thickening and lengthening behind him. "I''d have you make matching sets for my little girls. Menace already thinks Ice Pop is cool, she''d think she was so much cooler when she felt her that way. Each of my girls would find someone, maybe someones they''d always want near them. Maybe even their sisters. Who knows? Not like they''re blood related, not like any of them are boys, so what does it matter?" I heard the heat in my own voice, and realized I''d backed him up to the edge of the scaffolding when he stepped back onto the lid of the tank without realizing it. "Of course, neither are you and I, are we? So I could make sure that my favorite son is absolutely free of any possibility of prostate cancer by," he realized a moment to late as big tentacles slithered around each of his limbs, dozens of smaller ones slipping around his fingers, his face. "Milking him dry on every occasion I thought he needed it. Daily, at least." I looked deep into his eyes and ramped up the perky without losing any of Her Dark Fatassness'' endless aching hunger. "I''d even wear a different lady every time, just to let them all have a turn with you, and you with them!"


    He whimpered as I lowered him to lie gently against the top of the tank, then gradually lowered myself to kneel straddling his shins. "I think right here would be best. No, you don''t need any silly fripperies like lace or cushions. What do you think? Pounding you into the tank as the Hole Spawn pounds at us from below? I heard it pounding, so there''s got to be some vibration coming through. It''d be like one of those vibrating beds! Just to add that little somethin'' somethin'', y''know?" I inched forward, then hovered over him, not touching, leaning in until I could breathe into his ear. "You are such a nerd lord. Such an utter uber alpha nerd lord. Has your mother told you what I do to nerds?" I swear, he was trembling at that point. "Remember, Son. I know who you are. I would never tell anyone. I am your mother, and would never see you come to the slightest harm. But I know what you are. I. Find. That. Shit. Fascinating."


    As I floated away from him, reveling in the pure, raw Terror leaking from his every pore, he breathed out, "so does Mom."


    "Nice try, Son. I''m sure she does, and I''m sure that''s why you like her so much, but the implication? Nah. She''d have shown me. Just to make me feel better about my own, ah, darker impulses. Which, despite how delectable all that would be..." I took one long, final moment savoring things, then gently let him go, caressing his cheek and ruffling his hair as I did, setting him back on his feet on the scaffolding. "That''s not who I choose to be."


    I watched, silently, as he took one long, centering breath, then the smile crept back onto his face. "I think it might almost be worth it to have my Muse unfettered." Then he shook his head. "But, as you say. Not who you choose to be." Then he got a sly look. "But if any of them should offer, willingly, and I solemnly swear that, like yourself, they would never be worse or less for the experience?"


    I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "No telling them, absolutely no sales pitches."


    "As you wish, Mother Dearest. If and only if they come to me with the idea of their own accord."


    I snorted, then got a rush of brains to the head. "You didn''t tell them already, did you?"


    "Of course not. Why would I? Why would I need to?"


    "Huh?"


    Loud.


    Marie''s voice in my head had me facepalming. I looked down, but Saffron was still asleep. Smiling dreamily, tongue darting out to lick at her lips, but smiling. Ah, shit. Ladies, you are under no circumstances to take the preceding as an endorsement of Conrad''s... plan.


    "But you would enjoy it?" Siobhan asked innocently from where she''d just fed Marie a Marie-sized hunk of steak.


    I wasn''t gonna start lying to my ladies. That sounded like a really dumb move. Yeah, also not a good reason to do so.


    I was utterly unprepared for Tallulah''s voice in my head. So we''re only to do so if we would enjoy it. Understood, Goddess.


    GAH! Fine! Do as you will! Do not say I forced, encouraged, told, suggested, or in any other way bought into this plan!


    Right about then a part of me I was never really unaware of, but tried never to think about, heard Saffron mutter in her sleep, why won''t they stay? as Soup Dumpling Saffron dipped herself up to mid-thigh in the Maw. Again.


    Oh, fuck me.


    Still sleeping Saffron reached one hand up and muzzily muttered, "after Bath time, love."


    I shook my head and turned back to Conrad, thinking, all of you shoo, I need to talk to Conrad privately a moment. Please. The moment I felt them all giggling their way out of the forefront of my brain, I said, "So. Another like you''re making for Siobhan for Marie?"


    He frowned. "But... she''ll never wear it."


    "I''m pretty sure she will. Kinda asked for it."


    He took a deep breath, then blew it out through his nose. "No. I... May I barter with you on this, Mother?"


    I shrugged. "Sure."


    "I shall make something. Not identical, of course, but clearly part of a matched set. But if she will not wear it with just as much eagerness as your... Sister Siobhan Darling?"


    "Okay?"


    "Would you wear it instead?"


    I puffed out my cheeks. It''s not like I''d never worn one before. "Okay. If you make it and Marie doesn''t wear it, I will." I raised a finger. "No funny business!"


    "Mother! Would I ever?" I just stared at him. "As I said regarding the patching materials, I am arrogant, not stupid."


    I laughed at that. "Oh, hey, one other thing?" He tilted his head. "I want a tiara for my friend Lachlan. It''s not a huge thing, though. I can go buy him one if you''re busy. Or if you just don''t want to."


    He tilted his head in thought. "Give me a bit to think on it?"


    "Sure." I thought about heading back, then realized. "Oh, shit. Totally forgot. You remember what I said about Franklin, right?"


    His grin got inhumanly wide. "Oh, yes, mother." He frowned slightly. "I found it inappropriate to make anything truly... artistic from such materials though."


    "Ah, well. Not your fault. I''m sure you did your best. I''m just asking because your Mom says she''s nearly done her Inspect, and I figured showing off whatever you made of him might be the, what do you call it, piece de resistance on her total domination of everything that shitstain was?"


    "I wouldn''t call it that, but then, I speak Frank. However, I think she''ll find the... utilitarian use I''ve found for his remains and Soul quite fitting."


    "Care to show me?"


    He smiled that little boy with a secret smile. "But I already have." I blinked, confused, and he glanced down and to the side.


    I followed his glance, and my gaze landed right on the still heaving, groaning filter for the Hole Spawn''s tank. "Really?"


    "Of course."


    I thought about the hideous stench, the scrubbing, the crying, the awful despair as it refused to leave my skin. Then tried not to imagine that being forced into my mouth, my nose, my lungs, my stomach... my Soul. I very carefully did not vomit just thinking about it. Then I thought about something I''d only been told about. A plinth, a monument to ''High Artificer'' Franklin''s contributors. The wealthy, donors who''d given money, their names and faces preserved for all eternity. The poor, the faithful, the ones who gave their very Souls to power Franklin''s ascent to Archmage status, their names forever lost in the mud and erosion and lack of care from anyone in power, least of all Franklin himself.


    It looked just about perfect to me.

 Day Six Hundred And Ten

    Dear Diary,


    Yeah, I''m really not thrilled about yesterday. So many fuckin'' layers of disappointed in myself.


    Frist and foremost losing my temper with Conrad. I didn''t go so far as to actually hurt him, and I''m sure he''ll never admit to being terrified of me, but that''s just the thing. A parent isn''t supposed to terrify their kids. We''re supposed to be their protectors, defenders, their living breathing source of safe space. Yeah, kids need to get experiences outside safe spaces, because you can''t really grow in a safe space. You can get bigger, sure, but part of a place being safe is the lack of anything new or surprising or scary. Y''know, thee things that challenge you and make you learn and grow as a person. But kids need those safe spaces to process what they experience when they''re outside of them, and parents are supposed to provide those safe spaces.


    Yeah, I know what I said about sometimes you need to pull the curtain back for older kids. Teenagers, Young Adults, anybody who''s nominally capable of defending themselves if they have to. You take them by the hand and lead them out of their safe space, letting them take risks, fail, maybe even experience pain, but with the sure and certain knowledge that someone with their best interests is right there ready to pull the plug and evacuate them if they wind up in danger they can''t handle yet. Some people need that. They won''t take risks themselves, and it sets up a self-reinforcing loop where they wont take risks because they''ve never taken risks, and they''ve never taken risks because they have no experience with taking them.


    But you don''t get angry, frustrated, at your wits end, and then decide to scare them yourself.


    If Conrad weren''t my son, I might feel a little bad about it, but somewhere along the line the fact that he''s a centuries old personification of terror that even Gods fear just stopped mattering to me. Which is maybe a good thing, since I am the fuckin'' Walking Ragnarok. He is my son. Full stop. I should be able to cur him off with a warning, or failing that sit him down and talk to him about why what he''s doing isn''t appropriate. I shouldn''t let the darkest parts of Her Dark Fatass drool all over him until he stopped being so... Him. Because that''s what I wanted right then. To have him stop displaying all those pesky personality traits that make him more than a faceless embodiment of fear.


    I failed as a parent, and I''m gonna have to live with that. I''m gonna have to go to him and apologize for it too. But not today. Maybe in a few days, when I''m sure I''m not gonna slip back into that state again. Or, even if I need to give him the Mom Look to end all Mom Looks, I know it won''t go any further than that. Even if he doesn''t. Not any more. Because I fucked up.


    Dammit.


    I''m also not fully copacetic about Franklin. Okay, the man literally destroyed Souls for a vanity project. That maybe deserves setting a spell getting his own used as the filtration system for a Hole Spawn Tank. Kinda like destroying the Soul of a child because she inconvenienced you might deserve some donut shaped time on the time out spike. But I don''t think anybody deserves eternal punishment like that. Punishment, sure. Eternal? Yeah, no. Might as well just toss ''em in the Maw if that''s what''s gonna happen. Oh, fuck, I really hope I don''t have to wind up doing that, because I don''t even want to eat that Soul with Mimic''s mouth now.


    But maybe I can get Saffron to forgive him? That seems like a good ''your punishment is done'' line. I mean, for all the heinous bullshit the man did, I don''t recall hearing anything where the suffering he inflicted was the point. Fuck, it seems more like it was just as incidental as the good he did. Which, y''know, he did. He lit the streets of Phileo, he connected Phileo and Camden Yards in a way that let the people of Camden Yards get to Phileo without dropping part of their daily earnings on ferry fees. Yeah, according to Saffron his Inspect is so poorly written it''s a fuckin'' miracle nobody''s noticed the problems with it before, but even with that project, from what she tells me one of the side effects of all those Souls he bought was, in fact, Drivers''. Yeah, entirely an unintended consequence, but because of him nobody in Camden Yards has gone hungry for a long fuckin'' time.


    Yeah. I think maybe once she''s done her victory lap she''ll be down for, I dunno, letting him live out his eternal rest as a desk lamp or something. I mean, for an old horndog like Franklin, my Kitten''s cleavage wouldn''t be the worst thing to contemplate for eternity.


    So everybody sacked out hard. I was emotionally drained, Saffron was exhausted, and the other two. Those two went straight to sleep just to join Saffron playing in the Maw. Shit, I really hope they don''t go through with that stocking shit. Not because I don''t want it. But because it really scares me how much I do.


    Anyhow, woke up and got to teaching. Yesterday''s lesson was about dealing with more than one attacker at a time. I brought out the Lancasters; we had enough now that every group of three had one between them, so I had the defender using that, but with the stipulation of ''light contact''. Still enough to sting, maybe bruise, but not enough to actually injure somebody. Still had a couple people go to the Infirmaries, but mostly due to stupid accidents, like somebody lunging themselves onto the end of a Lancaster. Holy shit I have to tell Bonnie about that.


    We had a couple Cadets out on sick call, so I assigned Vickerson to work with Citron and Hildegarde while I circulated. Turned out to be great for the two of them, not so great for her. Yeah, I Co-Located, Blended, and watched, because while I wanted to make sure I put some time in with everybody else, I also needed to keep these three moving forward rather than stagnating. Vickerson is an absolute natural combat partner, although some of that may just be experience in real world combat. She instinctively rotated to the far side of their opponent, then worked to keep them off balance. Against Hildegarde, she lunged in and grappled, forcing Hildegarde to turn her attention away from Citron. With his reach, he disarmed Hildegarde and gave her a quick tap on the head to indicate she''d lost. I dropped a stealth Stabilize into Vickerson after that, because while she''d boosted her Endurance enough with recent practice to not pass out, she did not look entirely stable after being in Hildegarde''s ungentle clutches for a good thirty seconds.


    Against Citron, who was a much more aware combatant, she wound up taking a lot of hits to the forearms, which we''d declared ''safe'' for blocking. Not fun, still painful, but ''safe''. Like, going with the ''Lancasters are training Mana Blades'', assuming folks had Dragon Hide vambraces or some shit like that. I''m told that outside of Calverton, Cold Iron is fuckin expensive as hell, Which is why Norfolk only had some stolen pieces and New Amsterdam and Phileo had dick all. But good training, so forearm blocks were legal. They backed him into a corner, at which point he tried to lunge through them. At that point Vickerson went for his legs, getting smacked on the crown of her head with the Lancaster for her troubles. Meanwhile Hildegarde grabbed his other hand to keep him from blocking her, then punched him in the balls. Not a full on haymaker, just a love tap, but his eyes went out as much as she''d shoved his testicles in, and his grip on the Lancaster slipped enough for her to yank it away. Then tap him in the balls with it to signal he''d lost.


    Now, don''t get me wrong. Those were just two spars over the course of a day. For the most part Citron or Hildegarde with a weapon was more than a match for any two people without. But the times when the unarmed won, it was Vickerson moving to make the sacrifice play and let her partner get the takedown.


    The times she had the Lancaster were, honestly, kinda embarrassing. Seriously, she''d gotten pretty good at just not getting hit, and she kept most of her attention on Hildegarde like any sane human being facing the pair of them unarmed, but just because Citron wasn''t a one man skeletal restructuring machine, that doesn''t mean he didn''t have a hell of a lot of reach and enough leverage for a punch to ring her bell if she didn''t dodge, duck, dive, dip, or dodge. Over and over again, she wound up getting bullied, disarmed, and taken down. Even the other two started trying to coach her when they were teamed up against her. They didn''t actually go easy on her, or I would have stepped in and kicked their asses, but they gave her all the right advice. I mean, the advice they would have needed in her place, and frankly I''m not sure what she needed in any case. Definitely needed to talk to the Marshall. Maybe Marie? Or no, maybe Potami. I needed somebody who had the same kind of reach problems as Vickerson, but also wasn''t a furious ball of aggression like Hildegarde or, y''know, me.


    Not long before dark I got a little tired of it. I stealthed in and hit them each with a short Stabilize, then stepped up to them. "Okay, guys. This isn''t working. Cadet Vickerson, I''m sorry," she tensed. "I''m not the teacher Marshall duBois is. I know you''ve got it in you to compete here, but I''m not seeing how to bring it out."


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    "I''m... not sure what you''re seeing is really there, Ma''am."


    That... kinda annoyed me. I held out my hand. "Lancaster." She tossed it to me. I proceeded to Co-Locate half a dozen times, throwing a Lancaster to each of them, keeping one each for three of me, then collapsed the rest away. "Cadets! Give us a little room!" I circled around the three of them, and watched as Vickerson, then Hildegarde, then Citron realized what I was about to do. "Defend!""


    I lunged in, pushing each of them, a flurry of strikes and blocks, then jumped back. I did that a few more times to get a feel for them. Then the mes facing Hildegarde and Citron slowed, backed half a pace, and smiled. The final me leapt for Vickerson, Lancaster coming down like an absolute guillotine.


    They took the bait. Citron spun and got his weapon in the way to deflect my shot toward Hildegarde, who took a two handed grip and met me strength for strength. I mean, I wasn''t actually tryna make two half Vickersons, so I wasn''t at full Ericson smashing oomph, but she still caught an avalanche and held. Hildegarde blocked my strike.


    Vickerson wasn''t where she had been in any case. The moment I leapt, she''d spun, and while she moved away from my leap, she wasn''t running. She''d turned to face the other two of me, swinging without even really looking. Inches before I would have given both Citron and Hildegarde a taste of being kancho punched by a Lancaster, her feet slammed into one of my mes hips, and her Lancaster sank home right in the crotch of the other one. Honestly, I think she''d been going for the crotch shot with her feet, but the angle wasn''t right. Hildegarde still got poked in one buttock as I stumbled sideways, but I missed Citron entirely, because fuckin'' ouch. Vickerson herself wound up lying on the floor, bleeding from a broken nose where she''d faceplanted into the paver.


    "Hold!"


    "Ow."


    I collapsed back into the one of  myself who''d gotten shoved sideways. Before I could move to help Vickerson up, the other two already had her. "Yeah, getting poked with one of those sucks." At that point I had to shut up, because laughing while Vickerson tried to stem her excessively bloody broken nose. "Hildegarde, please get her down to the Infirmary. I''ll let Sister Siobhan know you''re on the way." Incoming shattered nose, Ice Pop. Be nice to her please, she got it doing a successful sacrifice play, and she''s having some confidence problems.


    Of course, Dear.


    Ooh. I kind of like that, Darling.


    "Vickerson, before you go," She and Hildegarde paused. "Yeah. Definitely something there if you could stop two of me when your partners could barely stop one. I''ve even got some ideas. But for now? Get yourself patched up and then down to dinner."


    "Yes, Ma''am."


    I turned to the class. "Okay, you lot. Put the Lancasters away, one lap walking to cool down, then down to dinner!" I held Citron back with a hand on his arm.


    "Ma''am?" he asked quietly.


    "You three have been working together, haven''t you?"


    He looked a little taken aback. "You... you suggested we do so?"


    By that point, the rest of the Cadets were all on the perimeter, chatting as they finished their cooldown walks. Way too wrapped up in their own shit to notice me having a little heart to heart with Citron. "Yeah, I did. Didn''t really intend to suggest you three doing horizontal workouts though."


    The rectal kumquat arrived right on cue, and I silenced it with the Mom Look I''d been working on, that one that says ''don''t play the offended innocent card, because I know it''s bullshit''. He blushed enough to be seen even in the gathering dusk, then muttered, "precious little was horizontal."


    I laughed and gave him a quick fist pound on the shoulder. "Nice! I always say, if you''re gonna do it, do it right."


    "Really?"


    "I mean, no, not really, because my mouth is full way too much of the time, but the sentiment is there."


    He blushed again and shook his head. "No, I meant... I thought..."


    "That I''d feel some kind of way about you three hooking up?" He shrugged, then nodded. "Yeah, I mean, I guess I''m happy you three are having fun. I''m also glad you did, because... Okay, have you had DeLeon''s Brotherhood of Thebes lecture yet?"


    "Not exactly, Ma''am." I tilted my head. "My Devotional Day is Wotansday. The day Doctor DeLeon teaches Geography and World Cultures." I shook my head a little, still not getting it. "Hero Castro teaches our section of Geography and World Cultures on Moondays. But she told us that the curriculum and most lectures were prepared by Doctor DeLeon. So... I suppose it''s still ''his'' lecture?"


    I chuckled a little. "Good god, if either of them ever wants to peg you, they''re gonna need a diamond bit auger." I ignored his spluttering and said, "Do you understand why she moved like that?"


    He stopped spluttering immediately. "To protect us."


    "Yeah. Thing is, she moved without thinking. And when she stopped thinking and started doing, her kinesthesia and her... shit, I don''t know quite what to call it. Can''t remember duBois'' term. But her sense of the flow of the fight? Both of those were near fuckin'' perfect. She''s not as fast or strong as you. She''s not as tough or strong as Hildegarde. But her big problem is that she doesn''t trust herself, her instincts. She keeps trying to think before she acts, which... Shit."


    He chuckled. "Indeed."


    "Yeah. Great thing for an officer commanding a squad, even a small one. But shitty for an actual combatant. But I don''t want her losing that constant thinking. She just needs to start acting while she thinks."


    "How can we get her to do that, Ma''am?"


    I shook my head. "That''s my job, figuring that out. I''ll work on something. You guys, on the other hand?" He nodded attentively. "Could maybe really help her confidence a little."


    "How?" I just stared at him. "Really?"


    I shrugged. "Look, I don''t care how you do it, just don''t lie to her about it. That''ll be worse than not building it up. But yeah. She''s feeling down about her, uh, physicality. I''m sure you two can think of some way to make her feel better about that if you really, really work at it." I grinned up at him. "Teamwork makes the dream work!"


    He shook his head, trying not to laugh. "Uh, Ma''am?"


    "Yeah?"


    "Maybe you could explain to her how you act and think in combat?"


    "Pfft. Me? Who says I think?" He stood there staring. "Like, ever? Anyway, go get some dinner. Dismissed."


    I stepped home, only to have to wait for a while before a grumpy Siobhan flopped down in my lap. "Tell me you did not do that to that poor girl."


    "Nope. I''m innocent as the driven mud this time." She crossed her arms and pouted. "No, seriously, I didn''t hit her at all. She hit me. Twice."


    "Really?"


    "Yep."


    Saffron looked up from where she had Marie''s head in her lap, where she''d been feeding her broken off bites of pastry. "Did you let her?"


    I shook my head side to side. "Not really? I mean, I wasn''t going full human blender on some poor Cadets, but I wasn''t throwing the fight, either. But in this case I was going three of me versus a team of three Cadets. I was attacking her two partners from behind while the third me distracted them, and she managed to hit both of me after I''d committed. Solid enough shots to make me miss one of my swings, and turn the other from a game ender into a minor pain in the butt."


    "Impressive."


    "Yeah. She''s got good instincts, she just doesn''t trust them. She''s constantly overthinking shit she ought to just be... I dunno, doing."


    My Kitten spent a moment feeding Marie, then finger combing her hair. "Would you like me to talk to her?"


    I snorted. "Y''know, there are gonna be accusations of favoritism if you do?"


    "Oh! Is this Cadet Vickerson again?" I nodded. "I''ll definitely talk to her then. Bring her here next time you''ve a one on one mentoring session scheduled."


    "But..."


    "But nothing." She smiled at me. "There is a reason those with unusual blessings are often called ''touched by the Gods''."


    "Yeah, I don''t think they meant that way."


    She leaned toward me the tiniest bit. "I think they did." Then she stared at me until I laughed.


    "Okay, okay, you win." I turned back to Siobhan and hugged her. "Thanks for taking care of her, Darling."


    "It''s literally my job, Dear."


    I looked at Saffron. "Isn''t that so cute?"


    "Absolutely adorable."


    "In all seriousness, did you manage to get her nose fixed?"


    Siobhan nodded, leaning against me. "It took a bit of effort, but yes. I''m glad she had her friend there with her to hold her still."


    Dinner went pretty quietly after that. Lots of meat pastries. Little ones, like two or three bites each. Saffron probably could have fed them to Marie whole, but breaking them apart and eating them that way was part of the fun.


    Dreamt of all of my ladies snuggled up on top of each other like living rafts, floating in the middle of the maw like it was a moat keeping them safe. So tasty.


    Woke a little stiff, so I decided to go visit Dad. He took one look at me, had me get up on the massage table, then set me in my chair after only like half an hour. "I''d swear you nearly got yourself killed less than a week ago, but there''s barely any sign of injury."


    "Yeah. Um. Concentrated Worship by my favorite Worshippers." I stopped, kinda aghast. "Wait, that''s not right, having favorite Worshippers, is it? That''s like having a favorite kid or some shit."


    He laughed. "Of course you''ll have favorite Worshippers. Worshippers are not children, and they come to you for many different reasons. Some will be relationships of convenience; they want power,  you need Glory and Worship, and you find their behavior acceptable. Others will fit you well in some ways but not in others. Some may align with you perfectly in a moral sense, but you will find their personalities odious. Others will be morally questionable, but enjoyable. Then... then there will be those few, those special few..."


    I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and as I let it out one face filled my minds eye. "Saffron. Always Saffron."


    He smiled softly at me. "Indeed. I take it you came here to talk about something?"


    I squared my shoulders, took a deep breath, and nodded. "Yeah." I told him about the other night with Conrad. Stepped him through everything. We talked about every little detail. About my actions, my words, my reactions, my emotions. We talked for hours, we talked for days, we talked for minutes and moments and forever.


    We''d both just acknowledged without words that we''d been talking in circles for the last little bit when a quiet voice in my head silenced us both. My Murder Mittens, her voice stealthy even in the privacy of my head.


    Bearsign.

 Day Six Hundred And Eleven

    Dear Diary,


    One good thing about fighting these fuckin'' Dire Bears, I don''t feel guilty fighting monsters.


    I mean, even normal bears or wolves I''d feel a little bad about at this point. I''m pretty sure that if I manage to get all my stolen defensive Skills up and running, not to mention maybe Thick Skin, a bog standard wolf could gnaw on my hand all day and I''d maybe get a nice massage out of it. The same goes for a bear, or even a serious big boi like a moose, an elephant, or an orca. Anything without some kind of major Mana boosting its ability to throw hurt isn''t gonna overcome my ability to no sell it.


    Then again, maybe some normal natural animals use Mana, and can boost themselves the same way I do with Strong Arm and Swift Foot. I mean, yeah, Siobhan talked way back when about how Mana flows from the Soul, but anybody who''s spent any amount of time around a dog knows that they''ve got Souls. Frequently dumb as a post, but Carruthers has a Soul too, so Soul doesn''t mean smart. Or maybe that''s one of the things that makes Monsters monstrous, that they''ve got Mana and something about it calls out to them, tells them that the works of Civilization are a threat to be attacked no matter what.


    But Dire Bears, big fuckin'' piles of muscle and bone that see anything approaching humanity and react with unthinking, unbridled aggression until they''re put down, hard, those I can feel good about applying all my best shitkickery. No ''but what if I''d warned them more stridently'', or ''did I give them enough chances to back down'', or any of that other bullshit. Just a bona fide reason to cut loose and do my worst to whatever the fuck is tryna mess with me and mine. Even if my definition of ''mine'' seems to be expanding by leaps and bounds. Really got to make sure that Her Dark Fatassness hasn''t started tryna plant tentacles in Grandmother''s Village, unless Grandmother and Rabbit and Lily are all looking for some tentacle shaped shadows to hang out in. I''m good with her spreading where she''s invited, but not where she''s not wanted, or even where she''s not welcomed.


    Speaking of Dire Bears, as I wrapped up at Loki''s place at dusk, Marie whispered, Bearsign. into my brain.


    On my way.


    Blend.


    I pulled Dad in for a hug, got one and a whispered, "be careful, young lady," from Mom, and then leaned on my Blend and stepped next to my favorite tiger lady.


    I touched her shoulder with my fingertips as I scanned the lake. The view, while incredible, had no obvious ursine invaders. Just an endless sheet of rough, ugly ice. Eventually I gave up and asked, what signs?


    Listen.


    She hadn''t moved since I arrived, just crouching with Vulcan held loosely in her hands. Despite her casual grip, his string had all the tension in the world, and a single glowing bolt rested ready to fire. I shut my mouth, stilled my thoughts to maybe stop my heart from pounding so loud, and listened. The only sounds came from water. The ice on the lake creaking, cracking. The sound of water moving beneath the ice, slowly scouring it away as spring approached. A constant low drip of melting snow. Other than all that water, nothing. I don''t hear anything.


    Exactly.


    It took me a minute. Then I realized. That water, oncoming spring, there should be some kind of other sounds. Something, anything. Maybe not something I''d notice if I were walking around being a big obvious apex predator, but I was blended, and Marie was absolutely at her fuckin'' sneaky stealthiest. I only knew where she was because I was literally in her head and touching her shoulder. I''m pretty sure Murder Mittens be sneaky enough she could get two knuckles deep and have me coming before I noticed her in the room. Which meant if shit wasn''t quiet because me, and shit wasn''t quiet because her, and animals generally aren''t impressed by inanimate objects, no matter how smug, that meant some other apex predator had scared them all stiff.


    That''s when I realized the crackling of ice from the lake had gotten louder. More focused. Right as I realized that, the ice all along the shore, from one edge of sight to the other, lifted up off the water beneath it. Not by a lot. Maybe six inches, maybe a foot. I leapt into the sky, still Blended, still not breathing. At altitude, looking directly down through the cloudy ice, I saw it. Face mooshed against the ice from beneath like a toddler in a sandwich bag, tongue the size of a parking lot squooshing out toward the shore, nose scrunched, it''s body extending so far back I could barely make out its shoulders.


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    I slipped to M-Space, caught my fall, and stepped back to Marie''s side as the fuckin'' Mega Bear lunged upward, lifting the surface of the lake again. You''ve been scouting here for days?


    Yes.


    Any other people? Or near people? Anybody other than trees and local wildlife as collateral?


    No.


    Give me Vulcan and his case and get back to the Homestead. Oh, and your dress.


    She shot me a look, but a moment later Vulcan''s case slipped over my shoulders. His stock slid into my hand, and then tigress tongue filled my mouth. She pulled away as her dress cleared her shoulders. Kill.


    Dead as fuck. Thanks, Mittens. Get clear.


    She went. One of me stepped to M-Space, and even there hovered a solid half mile in the air, just to be sure. Another started leaping up, up, up, until gravity fell away and ice picks tickled my ears. The me with Marie''s dress leapt right to where I''d seen the fucker''s nose, pirouetting to spin the skirts out to a near circle before collapsing on myself as Mega Bear slammed into the ice, a single long crack running from the shore out to the horizon. I cranked Vulcan''s string until he sang his tension through his stock.


    Trusting the sound to carry through the cheek pressed against his stock where I aimed, I said, "okay, son. You see Marie''s dress?" He just smugged at me. "I know you''ve been aching to plant a money shot in that dress the whole time you''ve been in the woods with her, haven''t you?" Look, you gotta know your audience, and Vulcan was every horny thirteen year old with a cock, real or imagined, since the dawn of time, all rolled into one. He fuckin'' quivered with anticipation when I said that.


    I couldn''t really say that I saw the dress, even with all my Deific Woo, but this is what my boy was. Also, while I couldn''t see the dress, I could see the fuckin'' silhouette of fuckin'' Mega Bear. It was significantly larger than the Dragon Lich at the Battle of the Bay. "Okay, son. Time to make the bear swallow." I stroked the trigger, and Vulcan pushed my shoulder backward as a line of blue light connected us to the edge of Erie. In M-Space I backpedaled as fast as only somebody with Translocation could do; whatever Vulcan had done fucked up M-Space just as badly as the Mortal Realm. From a dozen miles away and several dozen miles up, I watched a brilliant blue globe centered on where I''d last seen the bear''s head spread out to cover about half of the bear. My hands worked as that blue globe''s growth slowed, reversed, and then shrank in a reverse of it''s growth, growing brighter the smaller it got. When only an eye searing mote remained, it exploded, an instantaneous flash that left both of me staring at a reverse wireframe world for a moment.


    The me in M-Space flickered back to the Mortal Realm just long enough to evaluate the situation. The first think I noticed was the glitter of snow. It looked like the world''s biggest stripper had gone overboard, because the air over all of Erie glittered. A glance downward showed that Vulcan had blown the ice off a whole assed semicircular section of Erie. Like maybe twenty percent of the lake''s surface now stood clear of ice. Of course, right at the epicenter of the introduction of Mega Bear to Weapon of Mass Destruction? Said Mega Bear shoved itself upward out of the water.


    There''s this old anime I saw once where at the end the bad guy summons up some kind of demon to kill the good guy''s giant everything eating cockroaches. Look, anime, okay, stick with me here. The fire demon, which I think was some kind of allegory for nuclear weapons, starts blasting the fuck out of everything, but the bad guy fucked up the summoning, so the whole time it''s doing it the demon''s just melting, falling apart like a decorative candle that was never meant to be lit, but got thrown in the fireplace by an ADHD kid who wanted the fuckin'' Christmas fire lit. I was a little bit of a pyro sometimes too, yeah, but like I said, focus. Mega Bear reminded me of nothing so much as that fuckin'' demon. Its fur burning, huge hunks of its face, it''s shoulders, even its back sloughing off like rendered fat off a roast, but it still shoved itself upright, unleashing a bellowing scream that hurt my ears even when I ducked back to M-Space.


    So I shot it again.


    And again.


    And again.


    And again for good measure,


    Honestly, I think the third time was the charm, because while Mega-Bear struggled to lift it''s head after the second impact, after the third direct high power Vulcan hit to the dome, it just lay there, still, silent, and smoking gently. Which is why I shot it a fourth time. After the fifth shot, nothing remained of its skull but a crater and a jawbone with most of the meat burned clean off. Its shoulders and back still burned fiercely; I don''t know if I''d lit its fur, its fat, or both had lit on fire. Didn''t much care, either, because nothing living burned and didn''t move to put itself out.


    I felt Vulcan wanting to shoot it again. Just one more time. Of course, he and I both knew that if I did, he''d want just one more, then another, then another, and I wasn''t sure how well we''d done in the past regarding bolt recovery, or if Saffron had new ones made, or he fuckin'' grew new ones in his case or some shit. No clue. But my ears hurt and Mega Bear was dead and I figured I should let Grandmother''s Village know about the small forest fires burning in a rough circle around the south shore of Erie.


    Didn''t think they''d care as much about the ones on the north shore.

 Day Six Hundred And Twelve

    Dear Diary,


    Frankly I''m a little bit worried about the long term ecological impact of nuking Mega Bear from orbit. Shit, most of what''s left is gonna wind up in Erie, even if I felt safe enough sending Marie and whoever else wanted to volunteer in to break down as much as they could before it rots. I''m also now deeply concerned about where it came from. Like, seriously, I didn''t spend much time in orbit before dropping back down to the Homestead, but I did a quick scan around the perimeter of the lake. Something that fuckin'' big couldn''t have gotten into the lake without leaving a trail, but when I checked? No fuckin'' trail.


    Which means that it came from under the surface. Okay, maybe it''s been hibernating under there for a while, but that doesn''t make a lot of sense looking at the other bears. Either they went in later and just woke up all at the same time, roughly, or they all went in at the same time and there''s no reason for them to be waking up all at once, or, I dunno, something under the water is making magnum sized bears. Or maybe the Earth here is hollow and they''re all coming from King Kong''s place or some shit like that? I have no real idea, but hopefully Saffron''s got some more information for me.


    But no matter where it came from, it''s dead as fuck and decaying in Lake Erie. I''m not sure what that''s gonna do, but it sure as fuck can''t be good for the lake. I dunno, maybe we can get some carnivorous Kraken in here to start noshing on it and turning it into Kraken shit, but I''m not sure if that''s gonna be all that much better.


    So once I confirmed that Mega Bear was dead as fuck, I stepped back down to the ground. I hollered at Mega Bear''s collapsed face, shuffled around looking for a rock to throw at it for a bit. When I couldn''t find one, I tried Shaping a Fire Bolt just to poke the big dead motherfucker with. Like, yeah, I could still see the fire burning on its back, but somehow I just wanted to be a little bit extra sure. When my Mana kinda wobbled and I realized every inch of my exposed skin tingled, I swore a lot and stepped directly back to the Homestead showers, collapsing the me in M-Space to myself as I did. "Siobhan! Shit, shit, shit, ow, Siobhan!" Siobhan!


    She showed up in the Bath a few moments later. I''d set Vulcan under one water spigot, then stepped under another one and turned the cold water on. "What''s wrong Tabi... oh, sweet Canta you look like you''ve been broiled!"


    "Yeah, I did something dumb."


    She stepped over to me, hands weaving an Assess Health as she did. "Did the Dire Bear breathe fire? Wait, this can''t be right, it says you''re sunburned? Well, burned and sunburned?"


    "Yeah. I kinda nuked the fucker. Um, six times? Shot him with Vulcan, who was showing off, until I was sure the fucking thing was dead. Then I got particularly stupid and went to check on ground zero."


    She Shaped Mana and lay cool, soothing hands on my shoulders. She shook her head as she slowly ran them across my skin. "But... it''s night? How did you get sunburned at night?"


    I snorted. "Uh, the part of the sunlight that causes sunburns?" She shrugged and nodded. "Yeah, that part isn''t really visible. Anyway, what Vulcan did saturated the area with something like that. Not to mention raising the temperature to like a bajillion degrees for a bit. So it''s physically hot, too." Bit by bit she eased my clothes off, her hands erasing the feel of my body cooking itself. "Toss the clothes by Vulcan. I don''t think I stuck around long enough to be radioactive myself, but better safe than sorry."


    "Does water help?"


    "Uh, I think so? I''m honestly not sure. It doesn''t not help though."


    Right about then Saffron showed up. She cocked her head and looked at us for a few moments, then Shaped something suspiciously like Doc Roberts'' new Mana Analysis Spell, at which point she started blinking, then shook her head while laughing just a little. "Sorry, love. It''s like you seek out new and interesting ways to demolish yourself when you get bored." A few moments later, she nodded and said, "both of you hold still, please." She Shaped a Filtration ward big enough to cover Vulcan, my clothes, Siobhan and me, then slowly closed her splayed fingers into a fist as it shrank. When the surface of it pulled through me, it stung like a bitch, but where it passed I had less ''still cooking myself'' feeling and more ''been cooked'' feeling. By the time her fist closed, the Filtration ward was maybe an inch across and scintillated like a star in the night sky.


    "Thanks, Kitten. What are you gonna do with that?"


    She shrugged. I''ll drop it into the Mana Flows beneath the Homestead. It''s not quite the same type of energy, but it''s close enough that it should disperse more or less harmlessly."


    "Harmlessly? That?"


    "More or less. It won''t be any more dangerous to be down in those holes after I add this."


    I nodded. "Gotta make sure the kids know not to go down there."


    "I take it you haven''t been?"


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    "Nope."


    "That would be why you didn''t see the vault doors."


    I nodded. "So we tell Menace that the Vault doors are for her and her sisters'' protection?"


    She grimaced. "You''re right. Good catch. I''ll be back." With that she wandered out the back exit of the Bath.


    Soon after, Siobhan finished up healing the last of my burns. "Would you like to rinse off in the shower, or maybe soak in the Bath?"


    I sighed. "Sorry, but I''ve got to do something first." I walked over, fished Vulcan and his case out of the pile of my clothes, and said, "you did good up there today, buddy. Lemme get you cleaned off."


    She went down to nominally oversee the kids'' dinner while I spent like an hour going over everything, making sure he didn''t have any water left in him, polishing what needed to be polished, then putting everything away properly. Before I closed his lid, I looked around. "Where have you been living lately, son?"


    Right about then Saffron walked back into the room. "In our suite at the Academy. He and Conrad are the only ones still there. Well, I do my research there, but that''s hardly ''living'' there."


    "Can you find a spot for him here?" I handed his case up.


    She reached down, took my wrist, and hoisted me up, at which point I cramped up and stumbled. "What''s wrong?"


    "Fired off six full power shots. Well, near enough as to make no difference. Little... uh... tender."


    She snorted. "Only you, love. I take it the Dire Bear is dead?"


    "Mega Bear and everything within minimum safe distance. Dead as fuck. Shit, a lot of the stuff in M-space is just as dead. Where are these fuckin'' things coming from?"


    "May I?" She lay a hand on my temple. I nodded, and she closed her eyes. I felt her riffling through my memories, then, Marie? Please collect Panther and check the shores. Be very careful anywhere near the corpse of the Dire Bear; it''s inundated with lethal magical residue from Vulcan. Also, be very careful near the peninsula sticking into the north shore of the... lake. Tabitha sensed something there. Then she turned to me. "Are you hungry or tired?"


    I thought about that for a second. "Tired." She nodded, slung Vulcan''s case over one shoulder, then lifted me into a princess carry and stepped us to our bed. She settled me in with pillows, ran one hand over my brow, and said, "rest well, love. I''ll return soon."


    I was asleep by the time she got home. My dreams were quiet. Not abandoned. Never really abandoned, although with my ladies all gone missing, I got to see the chibi sous chefs bringing beans and hundred count shrimp to toss in down near the shoreline of my Maw.


    Woke late in the day, with Siobhan snuggled up to me. "Don''t you have to be at work?"


    She smiled. "I am. We''re all worried about you. Taking turns just lying here. I did what I could, but I think you need rest. Saffron will be here to speak with you when the day''s done."


    I pouted a little. "KInda wish I could get all of you here."


    A moment later, they were. The snuggled in around me, and Saffron murmured, "the debriefing will need to wait until this evening, but of course we can do this."


    When the ''debriefing'' time came, it was as my ladies took turns spoon feeding me some kind of potato onion soup with plenty of bear meat. "None of this came from Mega Bear, did it?"


    Saffron chuckled. "No, love. Although I took a short jaunt out there to check." When I tensed, she lay a hand atop my head. "I took Vulcan and Marie for protection, and never went close to the Bear itself. Beyond about a mile, the energy falls off sharply. Frankly, the bear''s hindquarters are probably safe to eat. Well, they would be, except it seems its own fur is wicking its fat up through its skin and burning it."


    "The fuck?"


    She just shrugged. "There''s something going on under the northeastern part of the lake." She smiled at me. "I didn''t go very close to there, either, love. Just close enough to see that something under the water is... active. Mana is flowing. But it seems less concentrated than anything that could have created that monstrosity."


    "Are we gonna need to nuke that end of the lake too?" I heaved a tired sigh.


    She laughed. "I hope not. I''m not certain how much of our water comes from those lakes. I''d rather not have to fear our Bath."


    "Fair point. Still gonna do it if another of those Bears shows up."


    She frowned. "I... I don''t think one will."


    "Why not? Not like whatever''s down there has shown any kind of creativity so far." She pursed her lips, then fed me more potato soup. Right about then I realized. "Hey, is this actual potatoes?"


    She smiled and nodded. "Second crop. Lovely Marie is experimenting with ways to introduce them."


    I snorted. "Chop them up and deep fry them. Mash ''em with cream and butter. Bake ''em at four fifty for like an hour. Shit, there''s like, no end to what you can do with spuds."


    She leaned in and gave me a peck on the cheek. "I''m sure Marie will want to pick your brain while you rest up tomorrow."


    "Rest up? No, I gotta get out and deal with whatever''s down there!"


    She shook her head. "You do not. You need to rest, and if you feel up to doing anything, visit with... Rabbit?" When I nodded, she said, "Rabbit and Lily. Marie tells me they both want to speak with you."


    "But... the lake."


    "Is under observation."


    I sighed and hung my head. "Diplomacy?"


    "Diplomacy."


    "Yes, Kitten."


    "Good girl."


    I swear, that made it all worth it.


    Dreamt of my ladies pouring scented oils and butter into the Maw. No fuckin'' clue what that''s about, but it did feel kinda good.


    Woke up tired, which shouldn''t have been surprising, since apparently I''d microwaved myself on high for a couple minutes standing next to Mega Bear''s corpse. Not sure if ''two days R&R'' as a cure was a result of my unholy high Endurance, stolen defensive Skills, or Siobhan''s gift for Healing. Probably some combination of all three, because other than ''sleepy'', I didn''t feel bad. Spent the day playing board games and telling stories to the kids. Marie stayed nearby, but honestly I didn''t really need anything other than some light duty. I''m not sure, because the kids didn''t call me on it, but I think I napped a lot. Hell, Marie might have been there to watch over them when I nodded off more than watching over me.


    I did get one underwater nap in the big ass claw footed tub in Maze''s'' room. Water hot as sin and twice as nice, my little pony girl holding me under so every bit of me melted nicely. Woke up from that as the sun was setting. I looked over at Marie, somehow realizing she''d been waiting for me. "Let me guess. Rabbit?" She nodded. "Her place or ours?"


    "Hers."


    "Can she wait until after dinner?" Marie shook her head.


    I gave Maze a squeeze, set her out of the tub, then stood myself. "Time to go play diplomat."

 Day Six Hundred And Thirteen

    Dear Diary,


    I''m really hoping that pulling the biggest of triggers on Mega Bear hasn''t put a permanent crimp in my relationship with the local M-Space crowd. I don''t really want to call them ''Gods'', because if I remember the stuff I read right, they''re not, really. Not the way folks raised in the USA think of them anyhow. They range between ancestors and forces of nature, and most of them are definitely personifications, but I know they''re not the same somehow. Of course, I could probably ask Conrad about the technical differences, but there''s a problem with that. If he doesn''t know for certain, that''s just gonna encourage him to capture a local, I guess they''d be Spirits? Capture a local Spirit or God-equivalent and take them apart. Possibly using The Machine, to spread their innards all out like outards so he could see how they work.


    It still makes me shudder not just knowing that my son has a vivisection machine that rips Souls out for ease of examination, but that I''ve been through the process and lived to tell the tale. At least, I''m still here and talking. Not that I know how to shut up, as anyone who''s ever had to deal with me can tell you. Y''know, with people like us, and I''m referring to those of the Divine persuasion specifically, not just Spirits or Fae or other folks somehow connected to M-Space, how would we even know if we die? Like, as far as I know there''s not usually an afterlife where dead Gods hang out, although I could be wrong on that. Not like I''ve done a lot of research. But I do remember Loki telling me that Gods who die wind up coming back a lot.


    A lot is an overstatement, but Gods, especially Primordials, have a history of not staying dead. Hence why most of those with Divine enemies tend to imprison them somehow.


    Like you and your kids?


    Me, my sons, Prometheus, the Titans still contained within Tartarus. Even Baldur, still trapped in Hel to this day.


    Wait, what? Isn''t him being dead the reason you''re, y''know, chained to a rock and shit?


    Indeed.


    The actual fuck? So he''s just chillin'' in Hel while you''re getting tortured?


    That is, in fact, about the size of it.


    So why the fuck doesn''t one-eye just Revive him and be done with the whole charade?


    I''m certain that you would be forgiving of any who hurt Isnomi, or Maze, or any of your other girls, once they were Revived. Look at Ria, for example. You''ve clearly forgiven The Morrigan entirely.


    That left me kinda speechless for a bit. Uh, yeah, okay, I get that part, maybe, but why the fuck is Baldur still down in Hel?


    Because he has not yet been Revived, and my daughter is not about to let him wander about on his own recognizance.


    I thought about that for a second. Did you tell her to keep him locked up?


    Not exactly?


    Why did you kill him, anyway?


    I''m sworn not to say.


    That got me. Like, okay, I get keeping oaths and shit is important to Gods, but Dad''s usually trickier than that. If I guess, can you confirm or deny? I got no answer to that. Okay, Dad. Just remember, I''m still working on springing you. In a ''nobody who doesn''t deserve it dies'' kind of way.


    I recall. However, just at this moment you''ve a meeting to attend.


    I do. Thanks for the reminder. You''re the best.


    I know.


    So I looked over at Marie and half begged, "can''t I even get a snack for the road?"


    She just shook her head and pointed. So without further ado I stepped to Grandmother''s Village. I really needed to figure out what the locals called it, but somehow that seems like something I should have asked a while back, and now it just seemed awkward. Honestly the whole visit felt a little awkward, and I really wasn''t in the right mood to deal with Silk or Panther at the moment, so I stepped to the very edge of the village''s cleared space, then stepped across to M-Space before anybody saw me.


    I could have stepped right to the middle of the M-Space side of the village, but something told me my hosts weren''t exactly feeling warm and fuzzy and welcoming to me, and jump scaring them just seemed kinda rude. So instead I walked. I debated whistling, or humming, or maybe calling out ''hello'' or something like that, but something about M-Space''s perpetual near but never quiet silence made that feel kinda weird, too, almost like a violation. So instead I just dropped my Blend all the way down, so that even if they weren''t paying much attention they''d hear me coming as I trudged my way into the center of town.


    When I got there, Rabbit squatted next to a ceramic pot bubbling away in the fire. Like, buried in the same soot that braced the burning logs, with some coals right up near it. Lily stood in the third row of benches around the central fire, pacing back and forth. I got the idea that she didn''t often settle down, and that I wasn''t likely to see it if she ever did. The moment I cleared the innermost ring of houses she froze, staring at me. Rabbit looked up after I''d taken like two steps into the open space, her perpetually smiling mouth dropping open to call out a greeting before she, too, froze. I took in the scents wafting out of the stone cauldron as I walked forward, surprising myself when I recognized them.


    "Y''know, my mom always said you''ve got to keep stirring succotash until you take it off the heat. It burns way too easy otherwise."


    Rabbit''s head tilted sideways. "Your... Mother." I nodded. "The incarnation of Primordial Night, of Privation?"


    "Oh. Uh, yeah, no, I see your point. Not that one."


    Rabbit glanced at Lily, smirking a little as she did. "Not that one? How many mothers do you have, then?"


    I couldn''t help it, something about Rabbit''s eternal smirk tugged at my own sense of humor. "It''s complicated." Her lips curled despite themselves, so I pulled out my very best ''oh, shit, I''m caught'' voice and said, "you see, what had happened was..."


    I''m not sure what Lilly was about to bark at me. Something about, "this isn''t a laughing matter!" But Rabbit kinda spoiled that by barking out a laugh of her own, then waving me forward.


    "Will you sit with us?"


    I shrugged. "Sure." I walked over to the bench nearest Rabbit, which just happened to put me between her and Lily. I nodded politely at Lily before I sat down, leaving my back open to her. Right about then I realized that my shadow stretched more or less straight back toward the Homestead. I thanked whatever instinct had led me to go around the fire the way I did, so my shadow never fell across Rabbit. Not like it''d do anything to her, or at least I don''t think it would, but it just seemed kinda rude. Like ripping off a fart as you walk past somebody making dinner. "Smells really good."


    "Would you like some?"


    "Yes, please."


    Right about then I noticed she''d laid out some simple stoneware plates, and each of them had a few still steaming corn tortillas  She scooped up a solid serving of succotash onto each of three plates, then pulled the cauldron a bit away from the fire before settling a lid on it. "So it doesn''t burn. Lots of mothers know that."


    She brought the plates over, handed me one, then coaxed Lily forward with another. She sat down just outside of arms'' reach next to me on the bench, then stared at me with her plate in hand while Rabbit settled on my other side. Out of casual reach, but not clearly outside of my potential ability to lean over and grab her. I picked up one of the tortillas and curled it into a scoop. "Aren''t these a little, y''know, southern?"


    Rabbit just smiled as she did the same with her tortilla, using the curled flatbread as a spoon. "They are. But the recipe is simple, and works so well with so many other things."


    I scooped up a big bite of succotash, savoring it as I chewed. She''d definitely hit the sweet spot on all the right portions of the recipe, although it had something in it, some kind of thickener, that I didn''t remember having in succotash before. Something that added a different kind of sweetness than I expected from the corn, but it went well with the sweetness of the beans. Rehydrated beans, definitely; I preferred fresh, but almost never got them even back when my mom still had the energy to cook. Whether the onions were fresh or stored through the winter, Rabbit had definitely taken the time to caramelize them. Not something you can do at the drop of a hat. Also something I''d gotten used to whenever Marie cooked, at least whenever the recipe called for caramelized onions.


    I realized right then that my palate had been forever ruined by Marie. Seriously, this was some top tier succotash, created by some kind of Spirit of Grandmother''s people, and all I could do was say, ''damn, this is almost as good as my wifiest of wifes''. Then again, I guess it''s not that big of a social faux pas to prefer my wife''s cooking to any other random chef, right? "This is good," I said between bites. "Thank you."


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    Rabbit nodded. "It''s nothing. Although I''d hoped you were..." she sighed. "Perhaps a little more like your southern neighbors. It would make us both feel safer."


    It took me a second. "The Fae." She gave me a questioning look. "Like Ria and Maze."


    She nodded. "Yes. I don''t think Ria would be able to harm someone who''d just fed her."


    "I hope to hell not. That''d be rude as fuck, and I''m tryna raise my girls to be polite. I mean, basic politeness is just the bare minimum, right?"


    I think Lilly snorted some of her succotash at that, but when I slowly turned my head her way, trying to keep all of my motions slow and non-threatening, she just glared at me. Rabbit cleared her throat. "Speaking of bears..."


    I nodded. "Yeah. Kinda thought you''d want to talk about that."


    She took a minute to arrange her thoughts, and I just sat there patiently savoring the succotash. She''d given me enough to be a solid meal for somebody her size, which meant at least a decent entr¨¦e for me or Lily. After a while, she nodded and spoke. "Could you have done that to the bear that attacked us here?" She nodded toward the hill we''d killed the last Dire Bear on.


    Wonder of wonders, I took the time to think about my response instead of just blurting something out. "If you''re asking if I had the power to do that? Then yeah. I had Vulcan along."


    "Why didn''t you?"


    I snorted and looked around the village. "Kinda would have defeated the point." When she just stared at me, still asking, I sighed and said, "my whole reason for being here that day was to protect this village. You''d been nothing but welcoming to us, and it wound up blowing up in your faces. I needed to fix that, but even after that, that fuckin'' bear would have wreaked havoc in here. So it had to die, but I couldn''t nuke it from orbit."


    "But you just claimed you could have?" spat Lily.


    I rolled my eyes and turned to her. "Yeah, I could have hopped up to low orbit and vaporized it. Well, it was kinda big, I probably would only have vaporized half of it. But still, yeah, I could have done that, but even if that didn''t flatten the village, this whole area would be unlivable for a little while."


    "So why didn''t you?"


    God, this bitch could not seem to get it through her head that I wasn''t looking for an excuse to execute her people in job lots. Before I said anything, I closed my eyes and counted to ten. By the time I hit eight, I realized that maybe, if she was old enough, which she might well be, she''d seen that shit happen in the past. Her people killed off whenever a Europan God decided it wanted to harvest some Souls or shit like that. I opened my eyes and looked at her. "Because, Lily, y''know how I said I had a couple moms?" She nodded, confused by my return to the earlier topic. "Yeah, one of those, the first one I remember, the one I grew up with for thirteen years? She, and her people, my people, wound up getting screwed over by people who thought we were easy targets too. Fucked over by powerful, wealthy men who didn''t even see us as people. Just... animals. Or maybe worse, numbers in a book that told them how much more money they''d have if we all died."


    "So you''d have us believe that you take pity on us because you were once oppressed?"


    Look, I have my limits, and she''d just kicked over the last of my reservoirs of patience. "No, you nerf brained thirst trap, I would have you believe I''m gonna treat you like people because I''m a decent human being!" Lily just stared at me, mouth dropping open, sort of working like she wanted to say something but couldn''t force words out. A moment later Rabbit barked out a laugh, then kept snorting until I turned to face her. "What?"


    "You''d have us think you''re Human?"


    I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "Okay, fine, Human Adjacent. Human enough to be polite, to respond to good faith with good faith in turn. Human enough to see people hurting and try to make them maybe hurt less. Human enough to see someone in danger and want to protect them. Also yeah, Human enough to maybe get a little pissed off when someone keeps acting like I''m a heartbeat away from catching them and eating them alive while I listen to them scream just so I can have dinner and a show."


    "Like you could catch me," Lily muttered, and something in me just, I dunno, snapped.


    I slammed my Blend up to maximum, whipped a tentacle around that wasp waist, and slid myself under her, dropping her into my lap, one arm wrapping around her chest, the other across her lap like a seat belt, my tentacles wrapping around her forearms, around her calves. Then I dropped my Blend again and whispered, "Lily, if I wanted to..." I trailed off as the scent of her hit me. Then before she or Rabbit completely unfroze, I said, "okay, yeah, also Human enough that any references I make to eating you from here on out will absolutely be talking about tongue fucking you until you can''t walk."


    "Let. Me. Go."


    I took a deep breath. "No more snippy comments about how the only reason I haven''t caught you and eaten you is because you''re obviously so much better at running away than I am at catching?" She nodded. "No chance I can maybe get you to admit that if I wanted to make a snack out of you... Fuck. Shit. No, you''re totally a fuckin'' snack. Yes, that is intended as a compliment about your appearance and sexual desirability, not a threat that I''m going to consume you. Fuck, Lily, why you gotta be so hot?" I shook my head, then reversed the entire process I''d done, Blending, sliding out from under her, setting her gently on the bench, then picking up my plate and scooping up the last of my Succotash before letting her go and dropping my Blend again. "Sorry."


    Rabbit snorted. "Sorry for...?"


    "That was kind of rude of me."


    She nodded. "Not uncalled for though."


    "RABBIT!"


    Rabbit just looked at Lily, and I realized that a subtle tension Rabbit been holding had dissipated entirely. "You haven''t even tried to be polite, Lily. You''ve accused and distrusted and taunted. Just now, she showed you she could have done all that you accused her of and more, but didn''t."


    "I still want to know why not," hissed Lily.


    Rabbit shook her head. "I think she''s been telling us that. But one of us hasn''t been listening. Just in case I''m wrong," she turned to me. "Why, exactly, would you do these things? Or refrain from doing them?"


    I nodded, savored my succotash a moment longer, then swallowed. "Because of who I choose to be. I choose to be a Hero, to make the world a better place than I found it, for everybody living in it."


    Rabbit nodded toward the hill. "The bears might disagree."


    "The bears, specifically the Dire Bears, aren''t exactly doing the ''live and let live'' thing. A normal bear would walk away from a big Homestead like ours. At worst it''d, I dunno, raid our trash piles or something. But it wouldn''t come at us unless it saw us as food or a threat. Meanwhile these big bastards see anything looking like the works of Humans and they attack."


    Rabbit sighed. "It... They were not always so."


    I turned to her, toying with my last tortilla, using it to scoop all the remaining succotash juice into one spot. "Care to tell me why?"


    She looked turn, so I just fucked around tryna get the last of the succotash sauce into my mouth with my tortilla. After a bit she sighed. "It... it is a story from... not before my time. But near its beginning. Once, a people lived along the shores of the lakes. More to the north than the south, but some on both sides of each. They were neighbors of my people, and the great bears, the children of Bear, protected them."


    "Bear. Like you''re Rabbit?"


    She smiled. "Oh, no. I am Rabbit, but... not exactly a rabbit. Even if I like to think myself perhaps near as clever as one."


    I''d scooted closer as she spoke, and suddenly realized why. "No other rabbit like proclivities, huh?"


    She just rolled her eyes. "Wouldn''t you like to know. At any rate, Bear. Bear is... bear. I was Human, once. Still might be what you call ''Human Adjacent''. Bear was not, although its said some of Bear''s children were of the People of the Lake."


    "Whoa. Getting it on with the Bear God. Spirit. Whatever. Somebody''s brave."


    She just nodded, her serious face reminding me of Isnomi in that moment. "Yes. Very. They all were brave. It... may have been their undoing as a people." She paused, then breathed out, "none of them ran."


    "Ran from...?"


    She shook her head. "I cannot name it. I cannot even refer to it. It is... ancient. I think your people would call it Evil."


    "Yours wouldn''t?"


    She barked out a humorless laugh. "Is the coldest Winter freeze Evil? Is the driest Summer drought Evil? The fiercest storm?"


    I managed to hold back my initial response long enough to think. Definitely long enough to think about there being a Mor Primordial of Famine. Of there being a Mor Primordial of the Sun, who sure as shit would cause droughts. Fuck, when it came to storms, even if the Odin''s sun the God of Thunder wasn''t in play at the moment, the fuckin'' rapist shitbag King of Olympus, God of Lightning, sure as shit was. "Y''know, if it''s got enough personality and personhood to care? To actually actively seek out people and hurt them? Then yeah, those fuckin'' things are Evil."


    Rabbit just stared at me. "You say that like you would fight them. Like you would stand against the sun and sea and wind and waves and..." I just stared at her as she went silent.


    From behind me I heard a whispered, "you would."


    "Against a normal storm? I''d get people indoors. Same with the sun, normally. Maybe get ''em a drink of water." I looked over at her. "Maybe see if I couldn''t ride out the worst of the heat with a tall drink of water my own self." I shook my head. "I''m not great with the whole ''helping'' thing. I try. I do my best. If it''s simple, like a Cure Spell or a bucket of water to haul, I can do... A lot, really, but it''s my wife, Saffron, who can sort that shit out better than me. Make sure nobody starves. Make sure nobody freezes." I stopped, shook my head. "But the moment those things have a person behind them? Oh, it is on. And so far I''ve been beaten, burned, stabbed, cut, stomped, slashed, drained by Undead and told to die by the Primordial of Death himself, and you know what?"


    I realized right then that at some point, Lily had shifted just the tiniest bit closer to me. I looked her in the eyes and saw that mesmerized look I''d seen when Menace worked her mojo on somebody to keep them from hurting. To keep them from thinking.


    To keep them from running.


    I smiled at her. "The knife broke. The Priestess died. Her Goddess died. The Army broke. Its General didn''t die, because I didn''t fucking let him. Still won''t. The. Fucking. Plague. Died. As did both Plague Gods sucking on its power like some perverse kind of mother''s milk. The Death Gods... one died, the other wishes she had." I thought about it a second. "The fucking formerly Human Lich is in a cell in Tartarus, unless my Murder Mittens found a nastier place to bury her." I thought about my first day here, and since. "The Dragons," Rabbit gasped, looking like she wanted me to shut the hell up right the fuck then, but I steamrolled forward, "one of them I crushed to paste and buried in a shallow grave in the bed of the Delaware. The second my troops ripped the skin off of to make armor and shields. The third..." I smiled, and let every ounce of cruel, vindictive, even lustful satisfaction fill that smile. "The third splattered across the Chesapeake; Lich or no Lich, it died." I paused, looked at both of them, savoring their emotions.


    Rabbit looked like she wanted to rabbit, but somehow knew that the safest place she could find was right here, within reach of me. Almost like she didn''t realize she was doing it, she''d scooted closer to me, her plate forgotten in her lap, even as it clinked against the plate in mine. I didn''t even have to turn to feel Lily''s warmth behind me. I didn''t have to think to feel the heat that had overridden every bit of her fear, burned it clean out of her. I took a deep breath, realizing right then that this was Worship, or something so like it that I couldn''t tell the fuckin'' difference.


    "Do you wanna know what else?"


    "Yes," Lily breathed down my neck as Rabbit''s head jerked once in a convulsive nod.


    "I''m still fuckin'' here. So if that storm, that sea, that wind, that wave, if any of them, or anything else, comes at me, and mine, or any of our friends, or fuck it, any Human or Human Adjacent person who hasn''t done me wrong? I will absolutely fight it. I will fuck it''s shit up so bad that the echoes of its memories will be nothing but Terror and Regret."

 Day Six Hundred And Fourteen

    Dear Diary,


    I do not understand for the life of me why the people here and now seem so thirsty for somebody who stands up and shows some common decency. Or maybe it''s the muscles. Never had muscles before, maybe that''s what I was missing back in the day. Or maybe it''s the penchant I''ve developed for big damn speeches that does it.


    I really ought to know better. ''Nothing but terror and regret''? Who talks like that? I mean, I guess I do now. That''s just a thing that I said talking about literal forces of nature and shit. I mean seriously, how does that even work, where I say shit that is right along a Caligula level of sanity and somehow everybody in earshot gets all gooey and wanting to get horizontal. Or worse, do it standing up. Okay, standing isn''t all that bad, especially now that I''m in the kind of shape to appreciate it, but still.


    Maybe it''s that whole ''refusal to bow to paltry things like the laws of physics''. Because I guess if you''re not sure whether or not you''re gonna get your joy buzzer sounding, you want somebody who at the very least talks a good game about not stopping until everybody gets a cookie.


    Or I''m just a dumbass and I''ve somehow forgotten, yet again, that Karen deciding that I needed to take over the Temple of Love has had some side effects. Possibly the kind where the label said to contact your doctor if they lasted longer than four hours. Shit, if my partners'' lasted four hours back in the day, I wasn''t calling a doctor for him. Maybe one for me for the friction burns when I ran out of lube. Maybe calling out of school because I couldn''t walk to the bus stop. Heh. In a world of sixty second soldiers, get you a four hour freak of nature.


    Right, so yesterday Rabbit invited me over for dinner. I maybe got a little frustrated and handsy with Lily, but I apologized afterward. Then I explained that I just wanted to leave the world a better place than I found it, and if that meant fighting against Gods and Primordials and anybody else who decided to fuck around with my friends, or even just innocent Human Adjacent people in general, I would absolutely throw down. Not just that, but given the record so far, odds are whoever chose to throw down with me would not enjoy the experience.


    Next thing I know, Lily is straddling my leg, grabbing me by the jaw with both hands and growling some shit about, "I like men!" Then she kissed me.


    Kitten! Kitten! HELP!


    Tabitha! What''s... Then nothing but uproarious Kitten laughter while Lily''s eyes slipped shut and I got more than a little bit distracted. Look, I''m moderately capable of flirting and following through with my ladies, but I have no idea what to do with a woman who''s every word is declaring how much she''s into cock havers while she''s riding my leg like it''s got three vibration speeds and one of those fancy form fitting gel inserts. Just Happening, I see?"


    I didn''t start this!


    Hmm... I know. Siobhan really was an outlier, it seems.


    That boggled me even more than the tall, leggy brunette humping my leg like a particularly lusty chihuahua. Huh?


    You didn''t start things with me, either.


    Okay, fair point, but not the information I needed just then. What do I do?


    Enjoy the perks of being a successful diplomat?


    I''m serious!


    Wait, did you not want to? She''s very beautiful, and seems very eager.


    I... I mean, I don''t not want to. But I wasn''t really here to add somebody to my body list, y''know? As I tried to sort out exactly what I wanted, especially with Saffron caring more about my personal desires than the hottie riding my leg like she stole it.


    Perhaps you should say something? Like ''no'', ''not right now'', or even ''come back to my Bedroom so I can tie you to my sex saddle and watch your brain melt''?


    Right about then Rabbit must have realized that I wasn''t actually responding. "Lily?"


    "Men!"


    "Fine, Lily, but are you certain she likes you?" When Lily froze, Rabbit continued. "You have been more than a little dismissive and rude to her."


    Lily snorted at Rabbit, then pushed me just far enough back to glare into my eyes. "This means nothing! I like men in my bed!"


    I dunno why, but for whatever reason that kinda pissed me off in just the wrong way. My hand shot up into her hair, grabbing her and holding her face inches from mine. My other hand landed on her ass, getting a nice grip while my tentacles wrapped around her thighs, her biceps. Then, with her writhing while she moved exactly as much as I let her move, I forced my Mana into a couple very strategically placed Stabilize.


    "MEN!"


    I couldn''t help it. Something about screaming about how straight she was while she treated me like her very own personal massager had been pissing me off a moment before, but as I watched her eyes dilate and her breathing catch, I couldn''t help it. I laughed. "Okay, Linguine." I held her there until she sagged. "Feel better?"


    She just tuned her eyes away from me and grunted. I looked over at Rabbit, who had the good grace to look embarrassed on her friend''s behalf. "I''m sorry, Tabitha Diaz. She''s... not normally like this."


    "Yeah, so I''ve heard. Somebody mentioned she''s normally into dudes. Can''t remember for the life of me who it was, though."


    Rabbit''s shoulders sagged with relief even as Lily tried to wriggle free, only to find that she wasn''t fuckin'' going anywhere until I decided to let her go. After forcibly reducing the virtue of my thigh while simultaneously increasing it''s humidity, she could just chill there for a minute. "I... Would you really face the thing that lives in the lake?"


    "Abso-fuckin''-lutely. If it can''t talk, or won''t talk peacefully, I will absolutely do whatever it takes to end it, too."


    Rabbit didn''t look real copacetic about that. "What if it will talk, but its price for peace is us?"


    I shook my head. "Fuck no. No appeasement. If maybe whatever it is wants everybody to stay out the lake? Maybe we can come to some arrangement." I turned my head, since I couldn''t really express myself with my hands other than, y''know, manhandling Lily. "Not gonna say I''m happy about letting some formerly genocidal asshole walk away, but... people learn. People grow. I was reminded recently that an old... I dunno... enemy? He stabbed me the first time we met. Tried to kill my wife. But since then, he''s come a long way. I''ve recently realized that I''d trust him to teach my daughters shit."


    "But... you''d abandon us then?"


    I shook my head. "You guys have gotten screwed over one time too many. I will not be abandoning anybody. Even the one who just made more laundry for my wifiest of wifes." I turned to Lily. "Y''know, she doesn''t often get to get with a chica even close to her height. You wanna give her a try next?"


    "I. Like. Men."


    I shook my head and turned back to Rabbit. "Tell you what. D''you know how to get to the Homestead from here?" She shook her head. "Okay then, you wanna follow me home? You can meet the women there. You''ve met my kids, but I''ll show you where we all sleep. Heck, the bed''s big, if you wanna sleep over you can join us, or we''ve got plenty of spare rooms."


    "You''re... inviting us to your home?"


    I nodded to her pot of succotash. "You kinda did. To me. I''m still tryna figure out why, because after that first little bit it didn''t seem much you were just being neighborly. I guess it could have been you tryna figure out why I do what I do, but..." I turned to look at Lily, turned her to look at me. "Is that what this is? You tryna make sure I won''t leave your people high and dry?"


    She just looked away with a muttered, "men..."


    I laughed. I couldn''t help it. "Okay, okay. You like men. I''ll invite a couple nice ones over for you to sample. Might need to, what with God knows what coming out of the lake next."


    I''m certain I don''t know specifically, but I suspect it will be ursine.


    Thanks Dad. So insightful. You''re the best.


    I know.


    Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.


    I turned back to Rabbit. "So. Wanna come see my place? Like, all invited and being an honored guest and shit?"


    Her head jerked, but then she sighed. "After you came here, declared you would defend us despite Lily''s provocation, and have been nothing but patient and gentle, it would be rude to refuse."


    "So is that a yes?"


    She nodded, and I stood, gently setting Lily on her feet. "Okay then. You guys wanna follow me here in M-Space?" At Rabbit''s look, I said, "the Spirit World or whatever?"


    "You lead, we will follow." She turned a stern look at Lily. "We. Will. Follow. Right Lily?"


    She muttered something under her breath, but nodded. I stood and jogged toward the edge of the village. They followed, Lily running with great bounding leaps, Rabbit kinda scurrying from cover to cover, surprising me a bit when she popped out from under different cover than the bit she''d ducked into. I realized a couple things as I took my first couple steps outside the village, those long, jumping steps that were only really possible in M-Space. First, they were keeping up with me, so I bumped up my pace. Second, I was still un-Blended and fuzzy, which... I dunno if that affected Lily one way or the other.


    We ran. From what I''d done with the Cadets, the run between Grandmother''s Village and the Homestead is about a two day trip. When we crossed what I''d thought was a flat, dead meadow mid-winter when snow covered it, but which turned out to be a broad, slow moving river now that shit was melting, I thought ahead. Murder Mittens? Do you know any succotash recipes?


    She didn''t sound terribly enthused, but thought back, Yes.


    Okay. Could you maybe have that and some veggie heavy stuff tonight? I don''t think our incoming guests are much into meat.


    She agreed by sighing an affectionate, Vlickies into my brain.


    In the perpetual twilight of M-Space, the West Tower stood out something fierce. "Is that where you live?" Rabbit quietly called out to me.


    "Nah. Just the West Tower. I mean, yeah, it''s part of the Homestead, but I wouldn''t say anybody lives there."


    She dashed next to me as we crossed the open field we''d created. "Your people like stone."


    I shrugged. "It wears well."


    Then we got to the gates. The bone gates made of Jotnar and Ursine long bones. "Welcome to the Homestead, ladies. So long as you''re here and polite, you''re safe as houses."


    Lily''s leap over the gate didn''t surprise me, but Rabbit''s gate clearing hop definitely did. I reached out my hands to them. Rabbit took my hand gingerly, but Lily just grabbed it and muttered about the masculine gender. I stepped us across to the Courtyard in the Mortal Realm as the sun passed behind the West Tower. I smelled dinner even all the way out here. Onions. Carrots. Marie even made celery smell good. "Smells like dinner''s ready. C''mon in!"


    The two followed me in, and we went straight into the dining room. Most of the women seemed to be back at their own places tonight, leaving just my kids and ladies. "Ladies, kids, you''ve met Lily and Rabbit before."


    "Be welcome in our home, Rabbit and Lily."


    Of course Lily took that moment to look around the room. "Where are your men?"


    Saffron shrugged. "The male Cadets are out with the rest checking to make sure we haven''t missed any smaller threats."


    That seemed to mollify Lily, although she damn near froze up again when Marie brought out dinner. As the two almost glared at each other, I decided that if my Murder Mittens was at all willing, I had to get Linguine into her clutches. I mean, yeah, I''m technically a Love Goddess, and I''ve got a few tricks up my sleeve, but Marie? She''s got the kind of Skills that could bring out revelations about one''s own orientation. She had the kind of Skills that could make a Gay dude regret living a cock filled life. I mean, yeah, if Lily wanted to maintain that she was straight, sure, whatever, but I wanted to hear her doing so while Marie pulled some of her ''you thought you were having an orgasm, but she heard you liked orgasms, so she''s gonna give you an orgasm in the middle of your orgasm'' tricks.


    What, I''m not allowed to wax rhapsodic about my fianc¨¦e''s bedroom Skills?


    The kids were stunningly well behaved. Not sure why, but I''m not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth. Of course, by midway through the meal I realized that neither Lily nor Rabbit ever let Menace out of their line of sight.


    When dinner wrapped up, the kids stuffed and the adults pleasantly fed, I stood and stretched. "Y''know, you two really do look like you could stand to relax a little. I''ve got just the thing for that."


    Before Lily could even mutter, "Men!", Menace leapt out of her seat.


    "Baff Time!"


    She led the horde hoard through the kitchen to the Bore. The rest of us followed at a more sedate pace. Rabbit even got up the courage to reach out and touch Marie''s hand. "That succotash was very good. Not a recipe I''ve had before. Carrots?" Marie nodded. "Thank you for the meal."


    "De nada."


    Kinda weird. Rabbit just went with the flow as we all stripped down and paired up for the showers, but Lily kept her head on a swivel, like she expected somebody to jump her at any moment. I sighed and said, "hey Kitten, can you help Rabbit with the shower?"


    She stood up on tiptoe to kiss me on the cheek. "Of course, love. Enjoy your new toy."


    "She''s not!" I petered out as I saw the twinkle in her eye. It only got worse when Rabbit joined her, and both of them started snickering. I walked over to Lily, my own clothes already in the laundry. "You need a hand?"


    She glanced down my front. "I prefer..."


    "Men. Yeah, I get it. Look, I''m kinda sore after that run, and just want to lie back for a soak in the Bath. I think it might do you some good, too, Linguine." I figured it was ''heads, she relaxes, tails, she gets hot and wet and even less straight'', but fuck it, mostly I just wanted to relax.


    "What do you expect of me?"


    I nodded to the shower head, then to the other pairs helping each other scrub down. "Little help with my back. I''ll do the same. Then we go soak?"


    She never really relaxed. Even in the water, when Rabbit practically fell asleep between Saffron and Siobhan, Lily just kind of squatted there. As the steaming water and the sounds of the kids playing Bath games slowly eased my cares away, I could not bring myself to give a fuck. Even a really shitty one like I''d used to get Lily to shut up about ''men'' earlier.


    So, she likes Men?


    So she says.


    Hmm...


    I really should have been a little more worried about my Kitten pondering like that, but as noted, hot water, kids playing, all fucks melted away.


    With six nominal adults putting kids to bed, we managed to get all of our little miscreants asleep in our big bed without the six of us actually joining them. We pulled the curtain shut, then Saffron looked all the way up at Lily. "So. I heard you like men?"


    He stood there in all his glory, the towel formerly wrapped around Saffron''s magnificent mammaries dropping to hang loose around his hips. Lily looked at me, then back at Saffron, then back at me. "What are you?"


    I''m not sure what exactly saved her. Maybe the fact that she was looking at Saffron, not me, although that probably would have made me more angry normally. But I was at least one part amused for each part pissed, so I wasn''t really rough with her when I slipped an arm around her waist. "That''s my wife. Being a very, very good hostess, since one of her guests has made it very clear what she likes." I turned her to face me, tilting my head just a little to grin up at her through my eyelashes. "So. You wanna go someplace a little more private and maybe see what''s under that towel?"


    Throwing your latest conquest at me?


    You''re the one standing there looking like that. I''m just being a good hostess. Kinda hoping she''ll want me to taste test things first though.


    I''m honestly surprised you hadn''t thought of this first, Goof.


    Yeah, well. Thinking isn''t my strong suit. Although right at the moment I''m thinking it''s probably not diplomatic to run a train on a guest. No matter how much I''d like to.


    Two is hardly a train. And tell me you would have even made it home by now if she''d been all ''oh, Goddess, plumb my depths with your strong tentacles''.


    Yeah, but I''m thinkin'' it''d be fun to sic Siobhan on her after Marie changes her religion.


    Saffron just snorted and held out a hand to Lily. Who reached out, as tentative as I''d ever seen her. The moment their fingers touched, Marie put an arm around both of us and stepped the three of us to the Bedroom as Siobhan did the same with Rabbit and Saffron.


    Which is right when Lily lost her damn mind, running around in a circle and shrieking in terror. Rabbit just froze, looked at me, and said, "where are we?"


    "Uh, the Bedroom we use when want some private time without the possibility of the kids wandering it?"


    She tilted her head. "You leave your children alone?"


    Marie just ended that line of thought by saying, "No." Then she snagged Lily as she tried to bounce past, pulling her snug to her chest. "Stop." Lily froze.


    "Apologies for startling you so. We''ve used this place for so long, I''ve stopped really thinking about where it is." Saffron sighed, slumped, and then pulled her towel up to cover her magnificent mammaries. "I take it you would return to the Homestead? Or even to your Village?"


    Rabbit took herself in hand and shook her head. "No. No, but... this place. It is your place? Yes. Yes, it smells of you. But... it is not in your place?"


    Saffron just shook her head. "I''ve been meaning to move it, but things keep coming up."


    "How... how long would it take?"


    She didn''t react to my changed question, just shrugging. "Several hours."


    I looked at Rabbit. "So. Wanna help us move?"


    It turned out Rabbit was more copacetic with sitting on the very comfortable bed next to Marie, who kept a rigidly tense Lily seated in her lap. Saffron pulled me over to the center of the big mirror behind the divan. "I''ll need to borrow your Mana, love, then the rest will be up to you."


    I held out my hand, and she lay her palm on the mirror. Mana poured through her, a hair thin blade extending through the wall. I Co-Located to the Practice Yard, glad that nobody''d stayed late today, but didn''t see anything beneath me. "M-Space, love," Saffron murmured. I stepped there to see a glowing square of stone flake away to ash. "Wait for it to cool."


    I stood there behind my Kitten, maybe enjoying getting a bit of a handful of her magnificent mammaries, heating us up as the stone cooled. When she nodded, I reached in and around with my tentacles, wrapping the whole room fully before lifting.


    Weird thing, lifting myself. The room seemed light as fuck, even with five other fully grown adult Human Adjacent women in it, but lifting myself was a bit of an oof. Even more when I lifted off, towing the cube of stone along behind me. By the time I saw the West Tower rising over the hills ahead of me, sweat ran down both of me. "We''re here."


    Saffron inhaled, smiling. "I need to get you sweaty more often." Then she stepped out of the room to cling to me where I hovered next to the East House. She leapt lightly across to stand atop the cube of stone, then reached out to me. I stepped next to her, and if holding one of me up was tough, holding two was absolutely kicking my ass. Then she pulled Mana, a weird razor fine mesh of Blades reaching out and scooping a perfectly rectangular chunk out of the hillside. I pulled her off the Bedroom and slid it into the hillside, then grit my teeth and picked up some of the still molten rock, layering it over like mortar.


    "I was going to handle that, love."


    "Sorry. Tired. Stupid."


    She just Grinned up at me. "Would you perhaps like to lie down for a bit?"


    I nodded, and she pushed me backward; I landed on my ass on the Bed. "So, now that we''re back at the Homestead, do you feel less out of sorts?"


    Rabbit just stared at her. "You would do this thing for us?"


    Saffron shrugged. "As I said, I''d intended to do it before. You just gave us an excuse. Now, would you like to..."


    Not sure what she said next, because right about then I fell the fuck asleep.

 Day Six Hundred And Fifteen

    Dear Diary,


    At some point when things settle down for a bit...


    Holy shit I cannot believe I said those words with my own brain mouth. Like, the closest I''ve gotten to ''peace and quiet'' or ''settled down'' since Isnomi got kidnapped a year and a half ago is the two months I spent amnesiac. I''m pretty sure that required Ria''s Blessing to implement, too, which does not bode well for a life of peace and tranquility. I guess maybe if Saffron and I manage to get word out about who and what I am, and that I really will end any motherfuckers who try to hurt me or mine or, I guess, anybody who could in any way be considered ''friendly'' to me, we might get something like a reprieve.


    I''m not na?ve. I know there are some motherfuckers out there whose whole identity is built around being thee biggest baddest asses on the block, and laying down the law like that is just flypaper for that particular flavor of freak. Sparta and Ares both spring to mind. Honestly, I think I even understand why they can''t just back down, either. I saw it happen back in the day with some of the guys who decided to go the gang route. Not all of them, mind you, but there''s a certain kind of dude who can''t understand thee difference between fear and respect, so they just do their dead level best to terrify everyone around them.


    Yeah, I get it, pot, kettle, whatever, but I''ve never really tried to terrify Saffron, or Isnomi, or Marie. I mean, okay, I''ve kinda done the amusement park thrill ride of that shit with Siobhan, and I''m pretty sure I remember at least once when I popped off verbally on Larry that it vaporized Saffron''s panties despite the general humidity in her crotch region at the time. That''s not the same thing as terrifying them into a constant state of fearful obedience though. Which is what Sparta has done, I think. They don''t just terrify their enemies, they terrify their own allies. I think the Spartan Heroes probably terrify each other a little bit, or at least do their best to do so.


    Thing is, if somebody''s got an enemy who terrifies them and that enemy approaches with an open hand, saying they''ve learned better, there''s a chance that they''ll do the trust but verify thing. Or maybe just take it as a moment to breathe, since the Big Bad has decided not to attack them today. But if the domestic abuser shows a moment of weakness? I''ve seen way too many dudes, or even ladies catch a shiv the moment their victims thought they could get away with it.


    So yeah, I''m not gonna step in and recommend mercy for the rapist slavers because of some wrongheaded notion that they had a tiger by the tail and couldn''t stop. After all, they''re the ones who annoyed the tiger and grabbed it by the tail. To the best of my knowledge not once have they tried to back down, to let those tigers go free. If anything, they''ve doubled down. So no, I''m not gonna tell Saffron to hold back unless I think it''s hurting her more than them. But I understand them.


    Along with the groups and even individuals too tied up with being badasses to back down, though, there''s also the dumbasses who for some stupid reason think that I could never happen to them. That their cocks are to special to ever be ripped off and rammed up their own assees. That their necks are too tough for the sudden stop to snap, their skin too thick for Madame G to cleave. Despite some apparent external similarities in terms of overall appetites, I really do not get that type. I mean, yeah, I might strut around looking all big and bad, but most of it is really just an act to scare off the assholes, maybe convince them to take the Route of Lancaster and Ophelia rather than the Route of Morrigan and Oliver, y''know?


    Still, if at some point in the near or distant future I get a chance to sit down with Saffron and Siobhan, it might be a good idea to figure out what the hell is up with, y''know, me. My physical body, for all that is kind of a weird mix of the physical and mystical. Like, why am I furry when my Blend is down? Why can I hover in M-Space, but more or less obey the Laws of Physics as they are here and now in the Mortal Realm? What makes it so I can stay upright for days after not just getting a fuckin'' lung piercing, but letting my Kitten slip her arm through it in a bloody simulated sex act, but pass out after staying awake too long or channeling too much Mana or, like yesterday, carrying myself halfway across the Alliance via M-Space.


    Why is so hard for me to pick myself up?


    Passed out surrounded by my ladies and our local guests in the Bedroom. Woke up in our big round sleeping bed in the Homestead. By the squish pressed into my back, the arms around me belonged to Saffron. By the claws and fuzz on the arms around her, the pair around Lily, who lay in front of me facing me, belonged to my Murder Mittens. Not long after I woke up, Lily''s eyes shot open. She glanced down at Marie''s claws, then back up to me. "I still like men!" she hissed.


    The absurdity of it made me smile. Dire Bears and existential threats rising from under the surface of Erie, and the most classically beautiful woman I''ve met here and now is fixated on ''not being Gay''. I chuckled, but couldn''t help but take pity on her, just a little bit. "You''re allowed to like both, y''know."


    She glanced around the room, moving nothing but her eyes. I''m pretty sure she looked at Saffron, and I heard the quiet sounds of Siobhan snores from behind my Kitten. "You don''t."


    I snorted quietly. "Who do you think took the first ride on Saffron as a dude?"


    Surprise raced across her face, then she frowned. "I meant real men!" Then she glanced away. "But she was nice."


    "Nice? Huh. Never really thought to describe her as ''nice''. ''Sexual avalanche'', or maybe ''ride of a lifetime'', but never ''nice''."


    Lily shrugged. "Still not, y''know, a real man."


    I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, she''s a woman shapeshifted into a man. Which, y''know, if all you''re looking for is muscles and cock and general dude-ness in a lover, that''s good enough. If you''re looking for somebody to lift heavy objects and reach tall shelves, Marie''s got the latter and I''m not half bad at the former. So, y''know, don''t see the need to keep one around twenty four by seven." I lifted my fingers to Lily''s lips to forestall another outburst, then quietly said, "but if you want a dude to come home to at night, or to come home to you? That''s your choice. Seriously, I don''t think less of you for your preferences. I just..." I traileed off and sighed. "I kinda hoped we were friends, sorta, and I''d hate to see a friend getting all twisted around in her own head because she''s always thought of herself as straight, and then one day she has a deep and abiding need for the girl she''s looking at. Shit, at one point I spent a whole fuckin'' Season tied in knots kinda like that, and I wouldn''t wish that shit on my own worst enemy, let alone somebody I''d like to call a friend."


    In what I''d come to realize was just typical Lily non-sequitur, she closed her eyes, sniffed, and her tongue darted out to touch my fingers. "Why do you smell so good? Why do you taste so good?"


    Look, I''m only Human Adjacent, and I''m not kidding when I say Lily was absolutely the complete classic beauty package. I leaned forward to close the gap, pulled my hand down, and breathed out, "if my fingers taste so good, wanna try the rest of me?"


    It''s weird, but I think I''m becoming a sort of connoisseur of not quite human tongues. Okay, I haven''t had all that many in my mouth, but Lily''s was definitely not Human. It wasn''t Murder Mittens'' big wide scratchy cat tongue, either. Her kiss left my own lips and tongue feeling kinda clumsy and blunt. She didn''t complain, though, just kept up a kind of curious whine, like she wanted to deny what she was doing, feeling, tasting, but couldn''t stop herself. When her hands wandered, I Translocated us both to the Bed, then gently but firmly pulled away from her. "We don''t have to do this if you don''t want."


    She kinda whined at me and tried to lunge back to me, and I got a rush of maybe brains to the head. I switched to full on boy mode and asked, "or I could do this, if it would make you feel better?"


    She got the weirdest booger look and whined out, "switch. Back." I did, and when I still held her back she whimpered, "please?"


    Good enough. Due diligence done. I pinged out a quick mental, Kitten? Mittens? Happening! before Lily''s lips and tongue took away my ability to think clearly. Given her obvious preference for dudes, I''m sure she doesn''t have, like, Kitten or Mittens level skills, but she''s got some Phelps-like unfair natural advantages. Not even sure if I liked them or not, but they were certainly different. Did not wake up expecting to have my cervix licked, for example, but there we were. Also, I''m kinda used to the bigger partner being on the bottom doing that. Just kinda feels right, I dunno. And while she''s taller than me by a solid margin, I''m definitely bigger, what with all the muscles. But Lily made her preference for being pinned in place very clear, and I''m nothing if not an accommodating host, especially when hosting a hottie exploring her Sapphic drives for the first time in what I suspected was a longer life than she looked.


    Reminded of myself when, as we lay there enjoying the afterglow, she said, "now the other way." Took me a second and a bit of fumbling before I realized she meant, y''know, boy mode me. As we lay there after a couple different rounds with me like that, She frowned at me from the crook of my arm. "Why do you taste like that?"


    I shrugged. "No clue. Seriously. Not something I do on purpose, I promise."


    "I still like men," she pouted.


    I took her hand in mine, ran it down my currently boobless chest, then further down to take a firm grip on the wedding tackle. "Yeah, I get that."


    She pulled her hand back, making fists and holding them to her chest. "You feel like a man, but you''re not one."


    I shrugged and went back to normal. "I mean, I''m a little gender fluid, but yeah, the pronouns are she and her, and I''m a daughter and a mother. So if you want to call me a woman, I''m not gonna get bent out of shape by it." I snickered. "Shit, you should meet my dad." At her raised eyebrow, i said, "dude spent like a year as a Mare. Had a baby that way. But even though he can do the same thing I do, he''s definitely a dude."


    "If you say so." She snuggled in to me, but couldn''t seem to get comfortable.


    I had another sudden surge of inspiration and dropped my Blend. "Is this comfier for you?" I realized right then that she''d frozen, gone completely tharn. "Lily? Are you okay?"


    "Take me," she whispered. I hesitated, and again she whispered, "please."


    My Blend staying down, I carefully rolled atop her. "Like this?" I switched to boy mode. "Or like this?"


    "Yes. Please. Now."


    Oh, no. The hottest of young singles in my area wanted me twice more. Whatever was I to do? I mean the answer was, of course, Lily, twice. Afterward she seemed... still unable to get comfy, but no longer paralyzed with fear. I pulled a couple of the pillows over to prop her up with as I rolled off of her, trying to get her settled, but she still stayed just that tiny bit tense. Trying to recreate the position she''d been in with Marie, I rolled her over so her back was to me, my arms slipping around her to hold her to me. She settled, but never quite relaxed.


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    "Do you want to go back to the other bed?"


    She shrugged. We lay there like that for a while, and then a thought hit me. I tried to dismiss it, but it kept gnawing at me until I couldn''t help but let it out.


    "You still awake?" She nodded. I took a deep breath and went as loose as I could. "Did you just have sex with me so I''d protect you?" She went tense, and I asked, "well, you and your people?"


    "Of course," she muttered in the same tone she kept using to declare her love of men. "Why else?"


    "I thought you maybe thought I tasted nice? Or thought it might be fun? Or feel good?"


    She just shrugged, like none of that was important.


    "Shit. You didn''t need to do that. I''d already said that. I''m gonna protect them. I''m gonna protect you and Rabbit, as much as I can. Not because we''ve swapped bodily fluids, either. But because that''s who I am." I wound down, trying not to be mad, trying not to feel... used.


    "This... makes me feel better. Safer. It is who I am."


    I thought about that for a second. "Is it who you want to be?" She shrugged, and I sighed. "Did you enjoy it, at least? If you found yourself with an itch that needed scratching, or a jones for pumpkin pie spice coating your entire tongue, would you maybe think, ''oh, hey, I should go visit Tabitha, because she rings my bell in a way I''d like it rung at the moment''?"


    She sighed, then let out a little chuckle and squirmed around until she lay facing me, her hands tucked between us. She kept wriggling until my hands slipped down to her ass, which while not as pleasantly squish as my Kitten''s, was still a pleasant double handful. Then I nosed her and wriggled until she unclenched her hands and settled them on my breasts. She looked up at me and whispered, "my entire tongue? What would that be like, I wonder?"


    Yeah. She, uh, found out. Haven''t been quite that stretched since accommodating Lachlan and Carruthers at once. As the sun came up I caught a Kitten giggle in my brain as Saffron thought, quite an experience, isn''t she?


    So you guys did the deed while I was out cold?


    You seemed to need the sleep, and we were trying to be the best hosts we could. She snickered again. I think Siobhan disappointed her. At my interrogative mental grunt, she thought, after a Hero and a Maenad, I think she expected someone... stronger. She likes being overpowered, I think. Likes knowing her partner is stronger than she is.


    That reminded me, and as Lilly finished up and snuggled up next to me again, I thought, she thinks she has to do this for us to protect her. To protect her people.


    I know, love. I heard the echo of my own sad frustration in my Kitten''s mental voice. I hope someday she can enjoy our company without those ulterior motives. Or even that she can accept our friendship and protection without the bedroom games. But that will take time, I think. She is who she is.


    She said it makes her feel safer.


    There may have been a time I felt that way.


    That stunned me. With me?


    No, love. Not with you. But I haven''t always been a Hero, as well you know.


    Yeah. Yeah, I guess I get it. Doesn''t feel any better though.


    No. No it does not. Would you like to come join us for breakfast?


    I nudged Lily a little. "You hungry?" She nodded, and I rolled us to Saffron''s side, plonking our clothes back on as I did. Lily stumbled a little and looked surprised, but shortly thereafter we hit the dining room, and not long after that Marie''s waffles made everything better for everyone.


    As we sat there noshing, and I took the opportunity to get some morning hugs from my ladies, I poked Saffron with a thought. Uh, did Rabbit?


    Saffron smiled serenely at me while snickering and accepting some waffle from a blushing Siobhan. It seems our Ice Pop met her needs quite nicely.


    Go Ice Pop! I leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek before settling in to nom as many waffles as Marie would bring me. As I paused to enjoy the aftertaste, I looked over at Saffron. "So, uh, what morning is it?"


    "Saturnday, love." At my sudden panicked half leap to my feet, she waved me back down, laughing. "It''s fine, love. I''ve already spoken with Headmaster Miles, your classes are covered for the next two days at least. Also, we''ve brought half of the active Senior Cadets up from Phileo. Officially as a ''graduation exercise'' for those planning to move to other Cities. A dozen Heroes are on their way as well. Lachlan, Larry, and Linus should arrive today as well."


    "Don''t know what they''re gonna do," I grumbled. Then I shook my head. "Like, I appreciate the support, but if another of those Mega-Bears pops out of Erie..."


    "I''ve taken the time over the past two days to do some scouting, love." At my worried look, she said, "I took Marie and Closer with me. The energy you released slaying ''Mega Bear'' is dispersing rapidly, although much of it is flowing toward the northeastern end of the lake. Which," she paused, taking another bite of waffle soaked in cream and honey before continuing. "The exceptionally large bears all had... outsized Auras, even for their great size. Almost like something had force grown them that large."


    I nodded. "Makes sense. Still not copacetic about the troops up here getting in the way of another one."


    She rolled her eyes. "If you''d let me finish, while whatever protected whatever''s in the water down there from our Divination reasserted itself yesterday afternoon, while it remained down I managed to detect a plethora of point sources of Mana. Many smaller Auras, not a single large one."


    "So... no more Mega-Bears?"


    "It appears not. However," she paused for a bite, and I finished her thought.


    "A bunch more littler ones."


    "Exactly."


    "Any idea how many?"


    She frowned. "Too many for me to count before the Divination protection reasserted itself."


    I ate for a bit, just thinking about that information. "You think I should take Vulcan and just nuke whatever it is from orbit?"


    She pondered that for nearly as long. "It would be safer, at least in the short run. I''m not certain it would work, not without damaging the life in and around the lake even more than your previous strike. Besides..." She went quiet, thinking, and I just let her ponder. I knew which of us could ponder faster. Besides, right about then I got to watch Menace scramble into Lily''s lap and insist on sharing her latest score of berry topped pancakes. Menace''s pancakes that she was sharing with a guest, not the other way around. Eventually Saffron cleared her throat. "A single huge Bear makes sense for attempting to attack an enemy. A larger number of smaller bears might be a panicked defensive response."


    "So... if whatever this is is scared?"


    She nodded. "That means it might be intelligent enough to talk. To negotiate. To surrender. Which, if I remember correctly, is something you said you''d prefer?"


    At that point Rabbit cleared her throat, and we both turned to look at her. "That... thing. It will not surrender. It is not afraid. It is angry. Furious, since you stopped its last creation before it even left the lake."


    Saffron just nodded. "That was another possibility I''ve considered. If that''s the case? Then we''ve made it so enraged it''s become stupid. Begun using resources better suited to defense in an effort to overwhelm our defenses. If it is that angry? Let it come."


    Holy shit but my Kitten taking that tone made me want to do just that. Not the time or place, though, because, y''know, guests, breakfast, kids, plus getting the Homestead ready to base a chunk of the Alliance Armed Forces out of, however temporarily. That put a thought in my head. "We putting any non-Heroic troops in the field this time?"


    Saffron shook her head. "Against monsters of this size, they''d be a defense of desperation, and we are not yet that desperate. I''m pulling the Dragon Slayers in to Lancaster House, the Rosen Homestead, and the Rider Mines. Should any single Dire Bears get past us, they and the Maenads in Lancaster lands will assist with tracking it down."


    I nodded. "So... anything I can do while we wait?"


    Saffron thought about for like half a second before nodding. "Let Olga know we may need to move back her coronation? New Years Day if we''ve dealt with this situation, the first day after it is resolved if not?"


    I frowned. Pouted, even. "I really hope this shit doesn''t push the wedding back."


    "You''ve arranged a day then?"


    "Well, no, but I was thinking right after New Years. Like within a couple weeks at most." I turned to Marie, "That is, if you can have the dress and tuxes done by then?"


    Marie blushed and nodded, and Saffron said, "well then. Why don''t you stop by and let the Headmaster know as well?"


    "Okay. Sounds like a plan. Anything else while I''m out?"


    She nodded. "See if Olga can spare any Jotnar familiar with butchering large animals. Whales, perhaps?"


    I chuckled. "You''re really planning on eating that thing?"


    She smiled a self-deprecating smile. "If you''ve ever not known where your next meal will come from, the urge not to waste good food is strong."


    So once breakfast wound down, Siobhan and Saffron said farewell to our guests and gave hugs and kisses to the kids and Marie and me before they left for the day. I made sure Rabbit and Lily were cool hanging around the Homestead with our kids and Marie, not to mention making it really clear that if they wanted to head home, they were welcome to. Guests, not prisoners or anything like it. Rabbit seemed surprised that I felt the need to say anything, but Lily looked relieved.


    I stepped down to the Headmaster''s office, confirmed he was good with us using the Practice Yard on the eighth of Fairin, which was the second Friday after New Years. Kinda surprised me when he said, "Thank you for arranging for Lord Lancaster to fill in for you while you''re dealing with the Dire Bear situation."


    "Hey, no worries." Kitten? Was that you?


    Duh.


    Thanks, Kitten. Love you.


    Love you too, Goof.


    Got my ass out of his office before I gave the game away, then hopped down to Norfolk. Met Olga sitting on a hillside overlooking the harbor.


    "Hey, how''s it going, Princess? You feeling ready for some new headgear?"


    She smiled down at me. "Here I thought you''d forgotten."


    "Nope. Barring the Dire Bear issues taking longer than we''d like, we''re set for New Years."


    She sighed and nodded. "I like the idea of my reign starting on the first day of the year. New beginnings. Besides," she smirked down at me. "Nobody''s going to be in a bad mood after traditional New Years'' celebrations."


    I laughed and shook my head. "I gotta ask. You and Svart. How?"


    She smiled the serene smile of a woman who had zero doubt she could have her bell fully rung for the asking. "My man is an expert spelunker."


    That got me. When I finished laughing, glad she''d been chuckling right alongside me, I said, "hey, you got any Jotnar who know how to butcher really, really big animals?"


    She thought for half a second. "Like whales? We don''t often. Bad luck to hunt them. But... there are a few."


    "Any of them familiar with butchering bears?"


    She laughed. "I thought you said big?"


    "I did." I stared at her until her laughter faded. "Really?"


    "Oh, fuck yes. Big enough I''m not sure they''ll be able to get it all chopped up and frozen or salted or whatever before the weather turns."


    She frowned. "I''ll gather them, but.. .the ones I''m thinking of aren''t really fighters."


    I shook my head. "No need. Let the Alliance Army take care of that. All they gotta do is process the meat afterward."


    "Okay then. I''ll have them gathered up and ready to go... Moonday?"


    I shrugged. "If I can''t come get them that day, I''ll send Marie, okay?"


    After that we just sat there and shot the shit for a bit. She''d had to put a couple Jarls down hard when they started talking about ''visiting Calverton'' to ''bring their wayward Thralls back''. Between the choices of ''decorating Olga''s boot sole until she scraped them off'' and ''paying Johnson a visit to see how he ran things'', it seemed like most of the remaining Jarls chose the path of not becoming sudden tartare. She even invited me into the longhouse for lunch; after confirming that neither Saffron nor Siobhan would be back to the Homestead for lunch, I accepted. Fish and flatbread and gravy, mostly, although they had some kind of rice as well. Olga had a lot of that. I guess feeding somebody that big on the regular meant shit you could make job lots of.


    After lunch Olga took me back out to her hillside roost, which seemed like a favored spot of hers. "I miss my father."


    "What? Did he?"


    She chuckled. "Oh, no. He''s just settled in at that little village on the far side of the Bay from Calverton. He''s practically a Calvertonite by now. I think Calvert gave him an honorary citizenship and everything."


    "If he''s too tired to make the trip, I could ferry him down."


    She shrugged. "I might ask you to do that. Or to take me up there. Or maybe I''ll get off my ass and visit him. It''s a day trip, not an epic journey." She sighed, the motion just as big as everything else about her. "I could use him for cadre for our new Academy though."


    "I thought you''d had some troubles with that?"


    She nodded. "We can''t exactly do as others have done." When I cocked my head, she waved at herself. "Even before I learned to fight, I had something of an advantage."


    I shrugged. "Fuck it. You''ve got more clear space than most of our Cities. Go horizontal." She returned my confused look. "Make your Academy a single story. Don''t bother making it a fortress. Just longhouses of various sizes for your various sized Cadets, and fuck it, have your classes outside. Or have big classrooms. It''s your Academy. Norfolk''s Academy. Do it Norfolk style."


    She got a little lost in thought at that. "Norfolk Style, huh?"


    As the sun lowered to the west, Saffron pinged me. Tabitha?


    Yeah, Kitten?


    Are you ready to move out?


    We got a location on our opposition?


    Our forward scouting Heroes and Senior Cadets have reported in. Dire Bears are emerging from ''Erie''.


    How many?


    Dozens at a minimum. Possibly hundreds. Per my orders, our scouts fell back in good order to our perimeter.


    I''m on my way.

 Day Six Hundred And Sixteen

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, for all that I keep getting the shit kicked out of me whenever fights get serious, I can''t help but thinking that somehow this is what I was meant to do. Yeah, I love lazy days playing around with the kids, or reading in bed, or just fuckin'' around with my ladies, but none of that is really what you''d call a vocation. I mean, for Marie, yeah, she''s all about that wife life. But while I''ve taken to following her around now and then, lending her a hand and learning a bit about the shit she loves to do, it''s really not my jam.


    I dunno. Maybe after three thousand years of throwing down whenever needed, I''ll decide that I want to focus on my pastry making skills too. Or maybe I''ll actually sit down and write. Fuck it, maybe I''ll go full on art major and learn to draw or something. Not like I''ll ever be half as good as Raven, but I used to be able to draw some pretty funny stick figures back in the day.


    Then again, three thousand years. I''m not sure, but I think Marie has picked up all her wifing skills over the past three to four hundred. If I spend that long practicing my scribbles, maybe I''ll be able to ''capture people''s inner essence'' or whatever it was that Saffron said Raven does. Anything''s possible, I guess.


    But here and now, it''s time to do what I know I do best. Protect people from monsters by kicking some monster ass.


    Okay, Kitten, where''s the perimeter?


    Meet me on the roof of East House.


    I stepped from Norfolk to the roof, landing right next to where Saffron stood staring at a map set into the roof itself. Not a super high def thing, mind you. More like the one on the ground floor of Lancaster House. Even with my dumbass brain doing the thinking, I caught on to the implications pretty fuckin'' quick.


    "When did you put this in?"


    She smiled up at me. "It''s been a while since you were up here. I''ve been working on it since we moved in."


    I took a few moments while she Shaped a Scrying Spell to get a solid look at what she''d included. The Homestead, obviously, although the West Tower looked kinda oversized. But then, that''s the first thing people saw, and I''m pretty sure none of them really noticed the understated elegance of the exterior of our Houses after that. Between the Homestead and the rock of the mountainside behind us were a farm with strong Pennsylvania Dutch vibes, at least it looked that way to me, and a little fortress around a mine. Way to our left, like almost on the edge of the roof, we had an image of Lancaster House. Almost directly in front of us, maybe halfway to the front of the house, I saw the little hillock houses of Grandmother''s Village. A sparkling blue line ran just this side of that, all the way around to wrap south of the picture of Lancaster House; on the other side it ran back to nearly connect with the mine.


    Beyond that river my Kitten had placed a few dozen little figurines that reminded me of the ones we''d used down in Calverton. Except these, especially a few that reminded me a lot of my Senior Cadet Recon squad, plus a trio that were clearly Lachlan, Larry, and Carruthers, were very clearly modeled after specific people. "Wish we could get those for the bears."


    Saffron just looked at me, her jaw dropping a little. Then she laughed. "I suppose it would be useful. Sadly, while I''ve managed to get the links to Grandmother''s Village working, I still can''t scry on Erie." She nodded, and I saw the lake picked out in the same sapphire blue as the river.


    "Isn''t this gonna get weathered?"


    She shrugged. "Our son gave me the material covering it. I suppose we''ll need to clean it more often, and we might want to put something up here for when the weather is bad, but," she sighed. "I didn''t think of this until we''d already laid down all the floors, and that left the roof or the Courtyard."


    "Why not the Courtyard then?"


    "Do you want the girls having access to this?"


    "Point taken. So... we''ve got a solid line of Heroes and Senior Cadets along... the Susquehanna?"


    She nodded. "I think we''re faster on the water than the bears. It also gives us a terrain feature to hold."


    "Are our guys on the far side then?" She shook her head. "Grandmother''s Village is on the far side, though."


    She nodded. "It is."


    "Who''s guarding it then?" She looked at me and smirked. "Okay, okay. I get it. I''ll have to stretch a little, but sure. You''ll have Vulcan here in case of problems, right?"


    "And the defenses I''ve built into the Homestead as well. Now. Go, my Attack Dog. Kill me some bears."


    I swept her up into my arms and kissed her. As I dropped her to her feet, right before I stepped away to the orchard north of Grandmother''s Village, I barked out, "woof! Woof! Bark!"


    The moment I arrived, I Co-Located one of me to the Village and another to M-Space. At the village, I knocked on Grandmother''s door, then stepped in. "Sorry to intrude. Just wanted to let you know that there''s a bunch of angry Dire Bears, normal sized ones, headed this way from Erie. You might want to have your folks get inside. I''m tryna stop them up by that orchard to the north, but if any get past me, sing out and I''ll end them." When she nodded, grimly giving orders to her daughters and granddaughters, I stepped back out of the house and hopped to the top of the hill to the north, then to the top of the nearest tree. Of course, most of what I saw from there was the remains of the Dire Bear before Mega-Bear, but I still had a decent view of most of the northern approaches to the village.


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    Meanwhile, in M-Space, I rose into the sky until individual trees started to fade into a misty forest, then dropped down maybe a hundred feet before blinking over to the Mortal Realm and back. From that height I couldn''t really spot anything small, but then, even a normal bear wasn''t what you''d call ''small''. If somehow some of the rampaging horde of Dire Bears wound up being, I dunno, koala sized or some shit, I''d count myself lucky and punt the fucker all the way back to Erie.


    In the Orchard, I found the highest ground I could, then settled in to wait. On my arrival, I heard thee normal kinds of noises I''d heard in the forest before. The rustle of animals running away. Birds, or what I thought were birds, making those angry chirpy noises that translated roughly to ''fuck off, this spot is mine'', because birds as a rule haven''t realized they''re no longer dinosaurs. I mean, emus and cassowaries maybe have a point there, but I''ll move aside for a chicken if and only if it''s headed toward Murder Mittens'' kitchen for processing. I waited, just kind of stretching. Not sure how long I waited, but not long before I got impatient, everything got really quiet. Then the woods echoed with the same kind of grunting roar that I''d heard from every Dire Bear that got a chance to express itself.


    I dropped out of M-Space, glanced in the direction of the sound, and saw the trees shuddering in a path that wasn''t quite headed for my position in the orchard.


    So I Shaped a public address Message and extruded a Mana Blade in the shape of a giant middle finger. "YO! SMOKEY! OVER HERE, ASSHOLE!"


    In the light of my own Mana Blade I realized that it was well after Midnight, and I''d just spotlighted myself at the top of a hill. Another drop out of M-Space showed me a lot more of those shaking trees denoting the passage of Dire Bears. All of them now headed right for my position.


    "Time to go to work." Company''s here, Kitten. Call me if you need me elsewhere.


    The Maenads have taken the area to the east of you. Just in case you hear things from that direction.


    Thanks for the heads up. Right then the first Dire Bear broke through the edge of the Orchard. It stood head and shoulders over the trees, but most of these were fruit trees. Ten, maybe fifteen feet at most. So, big for a fuckin'' bear, but smaller than that Dragon from my first day here and now. I pumped Mana into my limbs, into my skin, into a long, skinny Mana Lance. At maybe a dozen paces I charged and leapt at the thing, half expecting the Mana Lance to stop dead if I missed the thing''s eyes, or maybe deflect off of it. I was not prepared for it to skewer right through the thing''s forehead, brilliant light backlighting the Dire Bear as brain piercing or no, it took a mighty swipe at me, then shouldered me aside.


    Well, okay, I''m pretty sure that''s what it meant to do. Something about me extending spikes every which way from the Mana Lance shish kebab through it''s body left it a little less coordinated, and when its shoulder hit me it wound up less car accident and more bumper cars. Stolen Dragon Scales and Hole Spawn Shells for the win!


    Of course, before it finished slumping to the ground, the next one arrived. Then the next one. And the next one. Over and over and over, some of them surviving the initial clash only to have two or three of me swarm them and make with the stabbing, slashing, and beheading.


    Through the night the tigress roars of Maenads fighting against the guttural grunts of Dire Bears echoed from my east. Once I heard the sound I''d dreaded, a feline yowl of pain. Kitten!


    Marie is on it. If nothing else, Sparagmos will recover them, love.


    I might have gotten a little savage after that, triple and quad teaming smaller bears to rip them limb from limb. At one point a bear maybe twice the average size came at me, and I when it stood to tower over me I pinned its feet to the ground with the femurs of two of its dead siblings, then brought a tentacle around with a Mana Blade as long as it was tall around to lop its fuckin'' head off. Blood everywhere. Blood everywhere, soaking all of me, and I Reveled in that shit. I Gloried in it, killing bear after bear after bear.


    Right around dawn the first one to leak past the orchard arrived at the village. It got past where I watched on the hill, but it roared as it charged the village. I realized why I''d missed it when I stepped in front of it. The thing couldn''t be much bigger than a really big dog or small horse. Adrenaline and Mana pumping through me like the combat drugs they absolutely were, I met the thing''s charge, my fist hammering it''s skull in, then lifting it up over me and slamming it to the ground, its bone plates and spikes shattering as it hit the ground.


    By midday my uniforms were ragged, every bit of cloth on me soaked in the blood of dozens upon dozens of bears. How many of these fuckers are there?


    They seem to have been drawn to your position, love. My Divinations show at least half of them have come straight for you, even if they had to bypass other defenders to do so.


    Really? Why the fuck am I so popular?


    I know not the reason, but it may be the only reason none of our defenders have died yet.


    Casualties?


    Roughly ten percent. Some enough to put them out of the fight. One Maenad requested Sparagmos from her sisters. Two others have requested it to restore lost limbs when the fight is done.


    Any extra bears in the spots we lost somebody?


    No, love. They seem to have shifted southwards, so I''ve shifted our defenders to match them.


    My shit-wrecking senses tingled. I ended another three bears as they arrived, then in the brief respite that provided, the me in M-Space rose. Rose and flew northeast. Every half dozen miles I blinked into the Mortal Realm to hear the sounds of battle. Well, bear fighting anyway. Eventually, where the Susquehanna curved back toward the east, I stopped hearing fighting, and rose into the sky in M-Space. Rose until the river was a twinkling blue pencil line. Something... rippled. Like something in the Mortal Realm disturbed M-Space with it''s passing.


    I stepped to the Mortal realm, Shaping an Air Shield Box as I did, bracing myself and staring where I''d seen that ripple. To the northwest of where I''d seen it, the trees rocked the way they did when something big had just passed by. I scanned the forest southwest of there, and my eye caught some kind of ripple in the air. The light was terrible. Almost twilight, the perfectly awful lighting big ambush predators loved. I blinked, shook my head, and leapt upward. Something rippled. I leapt upward and southwest. In the light from the setting sun, I caught a glimpse of it. Something huge, winged, and flickering in and out of sight like a heat haze. Headed right for the Homestead.


    Atop the Village Hill, in the middle of the Orchard, I screamed out, Karen! Tallulah! Marie! On me, now! BLADES OUT!


    My Ladies, blessed be, didn''t ask or hesitate. All three of them arrived at the orchard to meet the next wave of Dire Bears, and a Marie showed up next to me on the hill before the Village.


    Saffron! Get everyone at the Homestead inside, under cover, bunkered down, and if you''ve got defenses, GET THEM UP!


    I landed atop the West Tower, my feet slipping as some kind of Shape kept me from touching down. I grabbed the railing and, backlit by the setting sun, finally saw the thing clearly.


    A Dragon. A Dragon bigger than the one from the Battle of the Bay, one that had to be the size of the Black Dragon. A Dragon that reared up, wings outstretched, and screamed in a voice like a tsunami, "NOW IT ENDS, INSIGNIFICANT APES!"

 Day Six Hundred And Seventeen

    Dear Diary,


    The more people I throw down with here and now, the more I realize that no matter how much I''d like them to be, the Bad Guys aren''t monolithic. Each and every one of them has their own reasons for doing things, for being the way they are. Even the so-called ''Monsters'' are just acting on instincts, because if they were any more complex than that, they wouldn''t be Monsters as Saffron described them. They''d be sentient beings with goals and motivations and, as noted, reasons.


    Sometimes those reasons suck, but they''re still reasons. Thing is, I''ve begun to realize that understanding those reasons is key to understanding those people. Understanding them as people, not just cardboard cutouts that I smash out of the way because I''m pissed off at the world and want to vent. I mean yeah, some of the assholes here and now are motivated by ''raging entitled asshole'', and if they won''t learn better or back down, I can and will end them as hard as I need to.


    But if I just walked around doing that with everybody who got in my way, I''d never have rescued the people of Calverton, let alone their Army. I wouldn''t have gotten to jam with my ladies on stage in Johnson''s Jarldom, which would be a shame, because I would likely never have seen Saffron in a soaked tee shirt. I sure as shit wouldn''t be able to hand off the whole Queen gig to Olga, which would mean I''d be stuck with that shit for at least a few years until I figured out who I could trust with the job. Without Calverton''s people and Army pushing for it, we wouldn''t have had nearly the reason to boot the Undead out of Calverton, and I wouldn''t have met Ria, or her mom. Hell, as I''ve noted recently, if I just straight up killed every motherfucker who attacked me, I wouldn''t have my buddy Larry or his father Lenny, and probably wouldn''t have had the opportunity to savor Lachlan''s flavor, and that would be a shame.


    So, y''know, when I discover that somebody has the capacity for speech, I figure it behooves me to make with the conversation, even if they are a flying death lizard.


    Standing atop the West Tower, I fired up my Message Shape in Public Address mode, cranked up the volume, and called out, "Hey! Lizzie! I''m down for ending it here if you are! Let''s talk this shit out!"


    The Dragon reared back, although I''m not sure if it was from me talking to it, the volume of my voice, or just part of the aerodynamics of something that big landing. As it touched down, I finally got a good look at it as whatever Blend-ish effect it had going on flickered and died. Much like the Ice Dragon I''d fought on the march to Lancaster House, it''s body reminded me of nothing so much as a big hunting cat. A really, really big hunting cat. At first I almost thought it had fur, too, but the more details I picked out the more I realized that while it had some dangling fringe bits that moved and swayed like a mane, most of the ''furry'' bits weren''t fur at all, but feathers. This big motherfucker had feathers. A giant chicken was attacking my house. I mean, its wings looked like the leathery scaled type you''d see on a lizard, but even there it had tufts of feathery bits in spots.


    Then it spoke, and I had to focus to avoid getting blown off the tower, or having my ears implode or some shit like that. "WHY WOULD I SPEAK WITH APES?" It''s long serpentine neck brought its head forward and it squinted at me. "Even less something pretending to be one," it muttered, if something close to the volume of a sports stadium surround sound speaker system could be considered ''muttering''.


    "I dunno, seems like we might have gotten off on the wrong foot. My name''s Tabitha Diaz. I''m the Patron Demigoddess of the Inter-City Alliance. We''re your new southern neighbors." Do I?


    Do as you will, love, but I think it might be best.


    I took a deep breath, then dropped my Blend. "You might also know me as Mimic. Walking Ragnarok. Black Swan with a thousand, thousand young. God Slayer."


    As I spoke, the Dragon''s head tilted, it''s neck twisting until it looked at me almost entirely upside down. When I finished speaking, it shook its head, swaying back upright, with a wheezing, echoing noise that I realized was the thing''s equivalent of laughter. "I neither know nor care about your pitiful, fleeting, meaningless Titles, little ape. But you speak the civilized tongue of my youth, and after all, it seems we share a Title. I am Mother of Water Panthers. I have consumed empires willingly sacrificed to me until nothing resembling people remained. Now there are only apes who pretend to civilization, pretend to power, pretend to rule over lesser creatures. Calling themselves ''Gods'', as if that word means anything." She leaned forward in a pantomime of intimacy, even though she barely closed half of the distance from where she stood beyond the tree line and my perch on the West Tower. "I, too, have slain a ''God'', little not ape."


    "Okay, yeah. Eating empires. I get that. You get peckish, need a snack. Willingly, you say?" She just blinked at me. "Okay, okay, from what I''ve been told Bear''s people weren''t so much willing, though?"


    She smiled at me, and I suddenly realized that ''baring teeth'' might not always be the friendliest gesture. "Which God did you think I spoke of, little pretend ape?"


    Gotta say, the whole ''ape'' schtick was getting old. "I''m not an ape, Lizzie. I''m a person. Just like you."


    She reared back, stretching up and back like I''d let loose the shart to end all sharts. "Like me? Like Me! You dare call yourself ''Like me''? Little ape thing, I have slept longer than your kind has walked the earth. My kind shattered the world, rent it asunder with our great war, then slept while empires rose in our wake. We woke and consumed them all, then slept again, and rose once more to feast. Then, when I awoke expecting a properly subservient empire to consume once more? Naught but filthy, tasteless apes and their great brute of a ''God''." It leaned forward and sneered. "Did you like what remained of it? What my children made of its flesh and bone and sinew? Did they smash your pitiful hovels and consume the flesh of your get?"


    I tilted my head, trying to figure out what she was talking about. Then I realized. "You mean... all those Dire Bears? Those were your kids or something?"


    "Lesser spawn, driven at you by my will."


    Look, I can only take so much asshole before I need a breath of fresh air. Still amplified by my Public Address Message Spell, I belched. Like, long and hard and loud. As the echoes died down, I said, "I didn''t much like them at first, but my Murder Mittens has some really good recipes. Especially for the liver. Who knew?"


    "You. Did. What?"


    I leaned forward, although I''m not sure she was really getting my body language. "Me and mine have been eating your kids for breakfast, lunch, and dinner." She started to slither forward, and I shouted, "NOW! We could sit down, talk this over like vaguely civilized people, and both walk away from here, or you could keep tryna provoke shit, at which point I will fuckin'' eat you, too."


    "You dare..."


    I rolled my eyes, and the me still sitting in M-Space ran a hand along Mimic''s tentacle, activating Mimic (Size). "Yeah, I fuckin'' dare. Now like I said, you wanna talk and walk away, or you wanna throw down and I swallow you like I swallowed your kids?"


    Yeah, I know, not my most diplomatic, but something told me this bitch never really intended to deal in good faith.


    She snickered, then laughed, her words hard to understand even with all my Blend translation mojo in effect. "Your people cower and run, little Goddess. Little ''Mimic''. You are all alone against the scourge of ages, the death of empires, the Mother of Water Panthers. Surrender now, and I will end you and those cowering behind you quickly, before I hunt down all those who ran and consume them alive."


    I shook my head. "You don''t get it, do you? I told them to run. I told them to hide. Because if I have to throw down against you? I don''t want to accidentally hurt any of them."


    "So be it, little ape. DIE!" Her neck writhed like a whip, and she spat out a glob of something. I realized as  it flew toward me that distance and scale had left me a little wrong about how big she was, and how big that approaching glob was. I realized when I jumped to the side of the tower and it did not change the ''coming right at me'' in the slightest. I collapsed into the me in M-Space as her death loogie splashed all over the top of the tower. Even in M-Space the top of the tower sizzled, although from that vantage I saw the complex weave of Shapes keeping the Dragon''s caustic spit from touching the stone of the tower.


    The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.


    I finished my Mimic (Size) when I stood at least twice the height of the tower itself. I could have gone bigger, but... collateral. If I fell over on the Houses at this size, I might hurt myself, and I might bust them up, but I wasn''t gonna accidentally flatten all of them by stepping on them. I stepped back to the Mortal Realm just in time to hear the Dragon shout, "Your defender has fled! Time to... what?"


    On one hand, even lesser Dragon Hide seems to be proof against Mana Shapes up to and including Mana Blades. On the other hand, when I brought a Mana Blade around midway along that big scaly neck, it clotheslined the bitch pretty well. I stomped down, my heel landing on her foot, pinning it to the ground. I reached for her neck, but she snaked around and clamped her jaws at the junction of my neck and shoulder. The rings of my uniform jacket tore, splintered, and fell away under the pressure of her jaws, and her fangs sank into my shoulder as her aggressive halitosis burned my skin.


    "Fucking BITCH!" I grabbed the base of her neck with one hand and squeezed. She bit down harder and beat at me with her wings. Her foreclaws tore at my legs, and if our relative sizes made it more like a big fuckin'' housecat shredding my skin than a lioness tearing up the meat of my thighs, it still hurt like a fuckin'' bitch. Also, enough cuts like that would eventually add up. I couldn''t really see anything, because I had my head hunched down and my eyes closed to keep her wings from blinding me in a more permanent sense. I still knew where one bit of her was, though, and I reached across and grabbed her by the fuckin'' head. "I told you, you gargantuan lizard bitch," I squeezed at the corners of her jaw, and when she still wouldn''t let go, I screamed, pumped Mana into my limbs, and ripped her jaws free.


    "FOOLISH APE!" I don''t know what language she''d been speaking, but she managed to hiss that shit out as she laughed. "You will bleed and die, just like the bear before you!"


    Warmth spread out across my neck, and she writhed her blood-slicked jaws loose from my hand, rearing back to strike at me again. I snapped her neck like a whip to keep her fangs away from me and growled out, "my Murder Mittens bites harder than that while we''re fuckin'', you cheap ass ''Zilla wannabe!" Of course, right about then I realized that whether or not Marie''s bites went deeper than thee Dragon''s, she''d always been careful about not, y''know, causing excessive bleeding.


    Also, this bitch had just ruined all Marie''s hard work with the nice neat circular scars. "YOU FUCKIN'' SKANKY SNAKEY BITCH!" As her claws tore at my legs, I swung her neck to slam her head into the ground. Trees shattered, dirt flew, and finally her skull impacted with the stone of the mountains.


    The stone cracked. Her wings flapped, lifting her up so all four of her clawed feet could clutch at me, sinking into my hips and tits. I stumbled backward toward the Homestead as she drove me with great flaps of her wings. One step at a time I staggered backward across our cleared ground; it was all I could do to keep upright, to keep her mouth away from my neck. I squeezed with both hands, feeling her scales start to give way, and she roared, but didn''t let up. Then I lurched to a stop as something poked me right in the ass.


    I staggered forward half a step, looked behind me, and saw the West Tower standing there like the thigh high phallic symbol it absolutely was. "THAT. IS. FUCKIKNG. ENOUGH!" My voice echoed back to me from the far side of the valley, and I stepped the Dragon and myself to M-Space.


    I tried to step us to M-Space, but not only did the bitch not go, she somehow kept me from Translocating there myself, either. She took that moment of surprise on my part to twist her head around and spew an absolute tidal wave of caustic Draconic halitosis all over the Homestead. Rage bubbled up as I lost sight of the Houses behind the cloud of noxious fumes, and I stretched my arms out to either side, sliding one hand along her neck until my clenched fist slammed her jaw closed. "Fine. If I can''t take the bitch to M-Space..."


    I reached. Not from myself to anywhere. But from M-Space to the Mortal Realm. Tentacles writhed around the edge of the cleared area of the valley. Big Cat Five motherfucking tentacles, five miles long and not giving a shit about how big or strong or tricksy or Mana resistant the fucking Dragon was. Her scales, her horns, her feathers, and her little fringe, all of it tore at the skin of my tentacles as I grabbed her, but I had no fucks left to give about that. Tentacle tips clamped down on her limbs, pulling her claws away from me. Both hands gripping her head, I pulled it down to look her right in the eye. "I told you, bitch. Throw down with me, and I will fucking EAT YOU!"


    Tentacles leaned in from the edges of the clear valley, wrapping around the base of her wings, then ripping upwards, tearing them clean off. She roared in my face, inhaled to do another bit of death halitosis. I wrapped another tentacle around the base of her neck and squeezed as I levered her jaw shut. "NO! BAD DRAGON!"


    Okay, I couldn''t help it. I realized what I''d just said and started laughing. I laughed while I stared into her eyes and squeezed the base of her neck until I ripped it clean free of her body. Breathing heavy, I looked her in the eyes and said, "The only question now? Is whether I share any of your fuckin'' carcass with..." I shuddered as a wave of fear washed over me, the fear of a being of power older than Humanity realizing her end was near.


    "Fuck it. I''mma be greedy today." I turned her to face the center of the clear space of the valley. The one spot from which no tentacles sprang.


    My Maw. "Oops. There go your wings." I dropped them into the Maw, power rushing through me as they dissolved. She tried to scream, her body thrashing. "Wonder if these will taste like chicken?" I forced her to watch as I ripped her legs off one at a time and dropped them in. With each one another wave of power flowed through me, cold and scaly and ancient. The bitch''s tail whipped around, slamming into my biggest tentacle. "That fucking stung, bitch."


    Even with the power rushing through me, blood loss was making me a little punch drunk. I wrapped a tentacle around her tail, lifted, and lowered her body slowly, sensually, almost gently into my Maw. "Ooh, look, looks like you''re nothing but a piece of tail now. Oh, and some head." At some point I''d turned her to face me. "Can''t really taste anything but the power like that, though." I pulled her to me, her eyes rolling with hate and terror, puled the writhing, torn end of her neck up to my mouth, and sank my teeth in. Chewed, swallowed, sour blood burning my lips as the rest of her dissolved into me. I brought her face back around to look at me. Her glazing eyes finally showed what I''d been waiting for the whole time. I savored her terror as I shoved my thumbs through her eyes, then rammed one through the tympanic membrane on one side.


    I brought the other up to my lips as the thrashing of her neck slowed. "You taste like raw chicken." I licked her lizard ear, then whispered gently, "so much. So big. Not sure I can fit any more." Something glimmered in the midst of her terror, and I smiled as the power in me rose in response to my cruelty when I whispered, "time to die. Nom," and dropped her head into my Maw.


    Power rushed into me. Old, serpentine power. Power that had once shattered a continent. Some tiny part of me whimpered, not wanting to give in to the rage, the hate, the anger, the hunger. The rest of me savored the sweetmeats dissolving in my Maw, sending Power and Glory and even the most primal Worship of all, mortal terror from a being that seconds before thought itself immortal and unassailable.


    I''d had a plan. An intent. To warn others off. To make it clear that if they trespassed, if they tried to take what was rightfully mine, that no force, no Mortal, no Dragon, no Primordial God, would save them from their inevitable final rest in my Maw. My eyes slipped closed as Power rushed out from me, and the ground rushed down below me. I swept outward, rushing through the seas to the north, the plains to the west, the mountains to the south, the ocean to the east. I swept into the sky, buoyed by the conjunction of the Mortal Realm and M-Space, I leaned back, filled my lungs, not with air, but with pure raw Power. A warning. I needed a warning, so that tiny meaningless unflinching speck would stop plaguing me with guilt over my actions, no matter how just and right.


    I roared.


    "MINE!"


    That single word echoed through M-Space, through the Mortal Realm, through all of Space and Time and outside Time itself as well. I blinked, looked around, suddenly tired. The pool beneath me looked inviting. Bath. It looked a little like the Bath. I fell, turning my back to the pool and giggling as I spread my arms. I cracked my knuckles and my heels on the edges of the pool, my lips swelling as my skin burned. "Ow."


    Mana flowed out of me as I floated to the surface, my skin burning oh so delightfully, my scars the only parts of me not burning, their ache diminishing moment by moment.


    Tabitha! Wake up!


    I blinked. Pulled myself up out of the Bath. No, not the Bath. My Maw. Didn''t belong here. Tiring keeping it here. So I stopped. Then Murder Mittens was there, scooping me up. A moment later I lay in the Bath. No, not the Bath. Maze''s little tub. Little. I snorted as I realized her full sized claw footed tub, big enough for her and me and maybe another adult to submerge completely, seemed ''little'' now. Something flowed over me, soothing and cool. Cool made my scars ache, but the rest of me stop burning.


    I opened my eyes and looked. "Whysa spooge cool?"


    "That, my Goof, is milk." And if they haven''t forgotten by tomorrow, you get to explain to Isnomi and Maze what ''spooge'' is.


    "Sss... ''S everybody safe?"


    "Yes, love. You can rest now." Kitten''s hand settled on my breast, and something that felt like mint tastes washed over me. A moment later, Darling''s hands touched my neck, and I twitched as it knitted itself back together. A moment later she did something, and the sudden absence of pain was absolutely orgasmic.


    "I''mma sleep now then."


    "That sounds..." I''m not sure what she intended to say, or what Darling might have said, either, because I yoinked both of them into the tub with me, snuggled them under my arms, and passed the fuck out.

 Day Six Hundred And Eighteen

    Dear Diary,


    Sometimes it''s hard to remember that Saffron and I are married. Like, not ''oh, I forget I have a wife and I do dumb shit''. Nah, I''m not gonna blame the dumb shit I do, and I am absolutely including Just Happening to all and sundry, because even if sundry''s kinda hot, I must have been drunk when I did it with all. But I look at Saffron and think, ''holy shit, I can''t believe we''re together'', and then it hits me. We''re not just dating. We''re not just sleeping together, or living together. We''re married. We''re married and have two kids who are legally ours and another five who might as well be, and sure as shit will be once we marry Marie.


    Shit, I''m married, and I keep forgetting that I am in fact not just lucky to come home to Saffron every night, but I''m also going to be married to Marie in under two weeks. Shit, I''m gonna have two wives. That''s so fuckin'' weird. Weirder than the fact that right now technically I think I''ve got two Concubines. Like, Saffron and I are married, so they''re hers as well, and we all just kind of mix and match however works for us at the moment, but the Friday after next I''m gonna be slipping another ring on that woman''s finger, and she''ll do the same with me, and we''re gonna all be spouses and shit. Like, okay, Siobhan won''t. Yet. Honestly I''m not sure if she wants to be. I''m not sure I want her to be? Like, if she wanted to be, I''d be lining up the venue and making with more rings and whatever, but she''s not... I dunno. I look at Siobhan and think ''fun squeaky toy live in girlfriend'', not ''wife''. I don''t know if that makes me a bad person or not.


    I''m pretty sure enjoying the Dragon''s terror as I ate her piece by piece while she watched makes me a bad person. Or at least it means I''ve got some bad tendencies. Igniting a spark of hope that she might survive right explicitly to snuff it out a moment later probably falls deep into ''diabolical'' territory. The fact that I want to excuse myself by saying, ''but I was pissed, and she tasted so much better that way'' is not the get out of jail free card that my darker half thinks it is.


    The scariest thing for me about all that has to be that while I keep blaming Her Dark Fatassness for all my darkest impulses, for all the really objectively awful things I''ve done to people, I''m really not sure about that. I''ve always heard that ''power corrupts'' thing, but I never bought it. I always liked the ''power reveals'' or ''power amplifies'' or any of the sayings that recognize that power doesn''t have any moral component, nor any Agency in and of itself. It just gives a person more Agency, and what they choose to do with that Agency reveals who they are. Which means that deep down inside, where it only comes out when I''ve got all the Power in the fuckin'' world, I''m Kevin from Sin City. I talk a good game about ''who I want to be'', but...


    Then again, I remembered. I remembered that I want to talk things out. I tried. I might suck a little bit at it, but I tried. When things went south and I ate her bitch ass one tiny bit at a time while I watched her reactions, when I finished up, I remembered that I wanted to warn people off, to make it really fuckin'' clear that coming here and fucking around will, inevitably, lead to finding out. Usually a kind of brief, painful finding out, but if you''re small and stupid enough, it might even last a while. The definition of ''small'' and ''stupid'' keeps getting bigger, too. Not much smarter, but Morrigan''s a whole ''nother level of big from Oliver.


    Of course, I definitely wound up getting my comeuppance. At least a chunk of it. Woke up in Maze''s tub with my ladies still tucked under my arms. The whole tub smelled a little of overripe milk, but then we''d been sleeping in it for the better part of a day and a half, I think. A quick check of the sun told me it was rising, which meant breakfast time. I wasn''t really hungry, but I''m sure my ladies needed some food, a shower, and maybe some soaking in the Bath. I definitely needed both of the latter.


    Of course the moment I stirred, Menace''s eyes popped over the side of the tub. "Mama! You awake!"


    "Yeah, kiddo. Everything okay out there in the world outside this tub?"


    "Yah. Mawa taked cawe of uth. We good. Rabbit an Wiwy thtiw heyah."


    I nodded. "Really? Cool. I think I need to talk to them about something."


    "Mama?"


    She sounded confused about something, so I kept my voice soft when I answered. "Yeah, Menace?"


    "Wath thpooge?"


    Yep. Karma''s a bitch. Especially since I felt both Siobhan and Saffron snickering under my arms. Right about then Maze popped up behind Isnomi. "Yeah. What''s spooge, papa?"


    I took a deep breath and channeled my inner Saffron. My Health teacher back at Eastside always told me that kids didn''t ask until they were ready to hear answers, and if they were wrong, they''d just say ''ew'' and wander off. I could do this. "Spooge is the stuff that comes out of a boy''s penis that makes a girl pregnant."


    Menace made a face. Maze just grinned. She''d grown up in a mercenary camp, if she didn''t know what spooge was I''d drink the day old bath milk. "Ith whide?"


    "Yeah, usually. Sometimes it''s pearlescent."


    "Ith wike miwk?"


    I shook my head. "Not really. I mean, the color''s the same, but it''s kinda gloopy."


    "Like snot?" asked my little pony girl.


    I rolled my eyes at her. "Yeah, a little bit."


    "Dowes it tathte wike miwk?" Yeah, somehow I knew Maze was ultimately responsible for this line of questioning. I wasn''t sure how, but the grin on her face gave the game away.


    "Yeah, no. It''s, uh... it depends on the boy''s diet. But it''s always a little salty, a little metallic."


    She made another face. "Ew. Wike bwud?"


    I thought about that for a second. "It''s not not like blood."


    She gave me the mother of all skeptical looks. "How you know?"


    Okay, that was about as far as I was ready to go. "Because I am not yet ready to get pregnant, you little reprobates. Now, let''s all get down to dinner before it gets cold."


    "Oh tay. No spooge tho."


    "Agreed."


    As I stood up and hefted my ladies out of the tub, Saffron thought, listening to you with her is always so precious.


    Yeah, yeah, yeah. The only reason you didn''t interrupt with your snickering was that you were doing it under water with your face pressed into my side.


    You mean under milk. Or was that spooge?


    Ha, ha, ha. No guys around here.


    She looked up at me, and I felt a gentle pressure in my head. Siobhan looked up from where she walked tucked under my arm, then looked at Saffron, shrugged, and settled back in snuggled up to me. We''ll need to talk about that, you realize.


    Uh, no? Why?


    Because a certain Maenad will be very disappointed if she''s not carrying your child by sundown Saturnday after next.


    I''d taunted and teased and promised, but I''d never really thought about the, y''know, technical details of putting Miniature Maenad Muffins in my Murder Mittens Muffin Oven. Uh, tell me you''ve got a solution for that? She just smiled serenely up at me and nodded. I sighed, snuggled her in under my arm, and thought, thanks, Kitten.


    I wouldn''t want to disappoint my wife.


    I smiled down at her. Are you talkin'' about her or me?


    Yes. She giggled. Of course I''ve researched how we can overcome that hurdle. I expect you to do the same for me at some point, you realize.


    I looked down at her and realized I wasn''t kidding in the slightest when I said, right back at you.


    She sighed. That might be a little bit more difficult.


    I have faith in my Kitten''s ability to solve ten insoluble problems before breakfast. I slow blinked at her. Consider yourself commandmented, Kitten. I want. Your baby. In mah belly.


    She frowned up at me, consternation clear on her face. You will regret that come ledger day.


    So long as I walk away from ledger day inhabited by the bundle of joy you put in me, I won''t regret a fuckin'' thing, Kitten.


    If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


    Her consternation melted away. No. No, I don''t think you will. She looked over at Siobhan. "Sorry, Darling. Just discussing a few wedding night surprises with our Goof." Do you still want us to get our Ice Pop pregnant as well?


    I looked down at Siobhan as we walked through the kitchen. Yeah. Yeah, if she''ll agree to it. Fuck, I think I''ve got a bad case of baby fever.


    Right about then Siobhan sighed. "I''ll miss you three that night."


    Saffron twisted around in front of me to look Siobhan right in the eye. "Excuse me?"


    "I don''t suppose you''ll have a long honeymoon, with so much to do, but at least for your wedding night..."


    Saffron stopped me in the doorway of the dining room, stepped around in front of Siobhan, and put her hands on Siobhan''s shoulders. "Siobhan. Darling. If you think you will be anywhere but with us as we consummate our marriage, you are sorely mistaken."


    Siobhan opened her mouth to argue, at least I think that''s what she intended, but Marie stepped up behind me, leaned over my shoulder, and ended the discussion with a single word. "Truth."


    "See?" I said. "You''re not gonna argue with the bride, are you? About her own wedding night?"


    Been a while since we got Siobhan so flustered she short circuited. I don''t think she went completely under, but before I could scoop her up Saffron snagged her and princess carried her back to her chair. I couldn''t even try to intervene, since Murder Mittens scooped me up in one arm and did the same with me.


    Pancakes and syrup. Fluffy ones. Not just a little bit fluffy, but those big inch thick fluffy ones that soaked up the butter and syrup. So fuckin'' good.


    I didn''t notice Rabbit sneaking into her chair, but Lily''s entrance drew everyone''s gaze as she strutted in, over to her seat, and flounced down in it. A Marie clamped a claw down on her shoulder a moment later, holding her down while she slipped a plate with a tall stack of pancakes on it in front of our guest.


    "Ladies, while we definitely need a shower and maybe a soak, this afternoon I need to take a little trip with Rabbit and Lily."


    The two of them tensed a little, but... only a little. We finished breakfast, then wandered up, cleaned up, and settled in to soak a bit. "What did you need of us?" asked Rabbit as she slipped in next to Siobhan.


    I shook my head. "Time enough for that after. Nothing... nothing bad, I don''t think. Maybe something good. Maybe."


    Neither of them really relaxed, at least not immediately. A few hours of soaking did wonders, though, at least for my scars, both old and new. Midway through the soak, I waved Marie over. When she slipped next to me, I lay my hand on my shoulder. On my new scars that had ruined her perfect circles. "Fix them?"


    She looked, her mouth dropping open just a little. Then she shook her head. Before I could open my mouth to whine at her, she slipped her claws over my lips. "Wedding."


    "Right there in front of everybody? Okay."


    She just shook her head. "Night."


    "Okay."


    She still settled in with her mouth next to my neck, her tongue scraping across my shoulder over and over until I almost fell asleep.


    The kids decided bath time ended at lunch time, which is when I stood up, stretched a little, and slipped into The Dress and her boots. Lily and Rabbit both stared, Lily''s mouth dropping open. "I like..."


    "Yeah, I know, Men."


    "...that dress."


    I stepped right over to her, wrapped an arm around her waist, looked up into her startled eyes, and said, "it would look so good on your bedroom floor?" Rabbit laughed at Lily''s booger look and stepped over to take my hand when I reached for her. "We should be home in time for dinner."


    "Have a nice day, love."


    With that I stepped us to the north edge of Erie. I popped up a Mana Ward, hoping it would keep any errant leftover radiation from hurting my passengers, then left them in the Ward and stepped out of it. I held up a hand for them to wait, then counted to sixty. When I felt not the slightest twinge on my skin, not even from the sun overhead, I sighed. "Okay, looks like the coast is clear."


    "What are we doing here?"


    "Visiting that bitch''s nest."


    The two of them looked more than a little scared, but when I stepped to M-Space and started skipping toward the far side of the peninsula, then out over the water, they followed. I couldn''t tell you now I knew when we reached the Dragon''s nest, but between one step and another, I realized we''d passed it. I stepped halfway back, then over to the Mortal Realm. The three of us plunged into the water, and if it was more than a little icy, it didn''t seem to stop the other two, and honestly, I barely felt it. I swam down, the motion nearly as natural as walking. The other two clung to my hands, towed along behind me. Not sure whether they wanted me for protection or propulsion, but shortly my wireframe vision showed me a huge basin on the floor of the lake.


    Cracks radiated through one end of the basin, tiny bubbles coming from them. I reached out, touched one, brought it to my mouth. Power and pain surged through me. "Well, that was dumb."


    Lily rolled her eyes. Rabbit laughed, even if she made no sound. I guess neither of them were really very at home at the bottom of the sea.


    Around the cracks lay the remains of a thousand, thousand egg shells. Big, leathery ones, all in a pile nearly as big as the Dire Bear before Mega Bear. I waved the two of them behind me and inhaled. Kept inhaling water long past the point where I should have ruptured like an overfull water balloon. When I couldn''t suck in the tiniest extra bit, I blew. Eggshells flowed away, tumbling over one another like leaves running from a blower. In short order I''d unearthed what lay beneath them. A corpse. The carcass of a bear as big as that Dire Bear, only without a single extraneous spike, spur, or bone plate. Just the biggest fuckin'' bear ever to bear.


    Something had ravaged it. Holes ranging in size from a small car to a small building marred its fur, and beneath the flapping skin and fur only bits of sinew kept the remaining bones together. Its skull had been sheared clean through, leaving little other than a bowl lying where its head used to be. A bowl with three leathery eggs lying in it. Lilly swam past me, murder clear on her face. On the one hand, I did not want more Dire Bears or Dragons or anything else. On the other hand, the whole ''sins of the fathers'' thing never really sat right with me. I grabbed her by the foot before she got away from me, then pointed at the surface.


    As my head broke water, she shouted, "what do you think you are doing? Those are Dragon eggs! True Dragons! Three of them! They will hatch and we will have three new Water Panthers to be put down." She glared at me, suddenly suspicious again. "Or are you still peckish after your meal? Do you want to eat them, too?"


    I sighed. "Look. Lily. They''re eggs. Babies. Yeah, they''re Dragons. But maybe nobody''s ever tried to raise a Dragon right?"


    She just looked at me, disbelieving. "Raise a Dragon...? They are nothing but pure, elemental Greed given form in scales and claws and hate!"


    "Soundin'' kinda hateful yourself right now, Lily."


    Her glare got a lot hotter. "How many have you lost to Water Panthers over the years? Ones no bigger than what will crawl out of those eggs if we do not crush them now?"


    I sighed. Maybe she was right. This was her land, hers and Rabbit''s, and that''s why I''d brought them along. I opened my mouth, not sure what I was gonna say, when Rabbit surfaced. "If you are arguing about the fate of the eggs, the point is moot." I frowned at her, and she shrugged. "Some bottom feeder took advantage. Each egg has been pierced from below, the young within slain and pulled out."


    I just stared at her, realizing that''s exactly what I would have said if I''d just wrecked three eggs and didn''t want to have a long discussion over it. At the same time, after Lily talking about how Water Panther type Dragons hatched ready, willing, and able to kill, I couldn''t bring myself to get my mad on. Eventually my shoulders sagged. "Could you two wait for me over on the shore?"


    They looked at me, concerned. Lily opened her mouth, but Rabbit shook her head and tugged her away.


    I dove again. Dove down to the remains of that bear. Dove through its skin, swam down to the center of its chest. Deep inside, to the ragged remains of its heart. Chunks had been eaten out of it, but I still recognized it. In part from my penchant for horror movies and anatomically accurate Valentine''s Day cards. In part from the ragged echoes of Mana that still faintly leaked from it.


    I stepped one of me to M-Space, lay a hand on the nearest tentacle, and pulled Mana. It came in waves, it came in torrents. I pulled Mana until I glowed like a star in the depths of Erie, in the violated chest of the great Bear. I lay my hands on its heart and spoke a single word. "Revive."


    It was like with Diana, only not. Like Ria, only not. The remains of the great Bear collapsed into powder, swirling toward me in an endless flow. It covered the heart, a vortex of swirling sludge. Then the heart itself collapsed, and the vortex spun tighter and tighter, glowing brighter every second. Finally it collapsed into a single recognizable shape; a glowing heart the size of my fist. It pumped, and Power flowed outward, flowed through veins as they formed around it. Veins, then muscle and bone and sinew and finally fur. Moments later a Bear floated in front of me.


    A bear cub, maybe the size of Maze. It opened its muzzle, like it was gonna roar, then it panicked a little bit. I scooped it up and rocketed for the surface, for the shore. It might have scratched me in its panic, but after the past couple days, it really wasn''t enough of a deal to be worried about. Its thrashing slowed just before I broke the surface, carrying the poor little cub and dashing toward where Lily and Rabbit stood staring. When I got to them, I flopped the bear over my shoulder, face down, and squeezed it a little. It coughed out at least half a gutful of water and snot, then grunted out something between a whine and a roar.


    "Ladies?" I set the bear on it''s feet between them. "I think this little guy could maybe use some looking after?"


    They both stared at me. Eventually Lily asked, "why?"


    "Why what? Why you two raise him?"


    "Why hand us one who will one day grow mighty? Why hand us the fate of the Great Bear?"


    I shrugged, thought about why, about how to say it. Eventually I settled on, "because he''s one of yours. Or closer to yours than mine. Because he belongs with people who might have a chance in hell of understanding him, of raising him like the people he once knew."


    "Will he remember, then?"


    "No fuckin'' clue. But this land? This bear? This is for your people, not mine."


    Lily scoffed. "Like your people won''t come here eventually anyway."


    I shrugged. "Maybe. Maybe they will. If nobody lives here, and they need a place to be, maybe. But for now? We''ve got more space than people, and my Kitten and I will make sure the people we have use what they''ve got before they go looking for more. And I''ll still be around if they ever fill it up, and if they''re anything less than polite and respectful if they want to move in with your people, I will be there to make sure their fucking around comes with a strong dose of finding out. If, y''know," I nodded at the bear, "she doesn''t do it first."


    At that point Rabbit looked up at me from where she''d been staring at the bear, which had kinda bumped into her like an overly big dog. Like a Great Dane bumping into a ballerina, really. Big cub. Little Rabbit. "That''s all well and good. But what makes you think either of us know the first thing about parenting?"


    I laughed and held out my hands. "Tell you a secret, ladies. I make that parenting shit up as I go along. But if you really want advice?" They both nodded. "Saffron and Marie? Both S plus plus tier moms. I''m sure they''ll be willing to give you some tips."


    Lily snorted. "Cooking. Cleaning. Mothering. Bedplay. Is there anything that Marie of yours cannot do?"


    "Nope. That''s why I''m putting a ring on that in, uh, about ten days. You guys wanna come to the wedding?"


    Rabbit looked at the bear, then back at me. "We seem to have a responsibility now."


    I thought about the Headmaster''s likely reaction to the Bear Cub running around the Academy, and as my grin stretched my lips, I saw it echoed on Rabbit''s face. "Fuck it. Bring her along."

 Day Six Hundred And Nineteen

    Dear Diary,


    I''m really not copacetic about what happened with Rabbit and the Dragon eggs yesterday. Not copacetic at all, but I''m kind of at a loss as to what to do about it. I mean, on the surface of it, if everything happened just the way Rabbit said it did, there''s nothing to be done. The Mother of Water Panthers left her eggs sitting there unattended, and some egg sucking bottom feeder came along and did what egg sucking bottom feeders do. All Rabbit did was pay close enough attention to things to realize that the eggs weren''t viable any more. If that''s the case, and fuck me but it absolutely could be, saying something or tryna investigate or, y''know, openly admitting that I doubt her word would just drive a big old wedge in a burgeoning friendship. Given that Grandmother''s Village, the locals who live there, and all the locals who consider themselves part of that same ''people'' aren''t technically part of the Alliance yet, it could even spark a whole assed diplomatic incident. So if I''m just being paranoid and I''m wrong, there''s all kinds of shit to be lost for no fuckin'' good reason.


    But if she did... If Rabbit saw a trio of Water Panther eggs and engaged in some no idea what term abortion of said eggs while I bickered with Lily... shit, if she did, I really ought to think of it maybe as ''while Lily distracted me'', except I''m not sure Lily could be that underhanded. Not without showing something. Rabbit''s got a poker face. Lily''s completely incapable of hiding her attraction to someone even if it doesn''t mesh with her own perceived orientation. So if Rabbit actually did the shit I suspect she did, then she killed three pre-kids. Killed them for maybe the worst possible reason to kill somebody, the old argument about ''nits make lice'' and the ''sins of the fathers'' thing. Basically, the core rationale for the worst parts of every genocide in the world. I... I don''t know if I could let that slide. I don''t think I could. I could maybe, at some point, forgive her and move past it, but that''s a big fuckin'' ask.


    On the other hand, even if she did, there''s the whole reason I handed little Bear over to Rabbit and Lily. Yeah, the Dan and Bag and Humans from Europa, not to mention the folks from Norfolk and Saint Boltophsberg and everywhere else on the coast have been living here for generations, for centuries, but that doesn''t change the fact that the locals, Grandmother''s people, Lily and Rabbit''s people, were here first. That doesn''t excuse blood feuds and killing kids, no way no how, but they''ve been here longer, they know the land better. They had the Mother of Water Panthers kill their Bear-God-Spirit and, as best I can tell, lay eggs in it to hatch Dire Bears and other monstrosities. The fact that both of them know what a Water Panther is makes me think she laid and hatched plenty of Water Panther eggs, too, and from what they said, Water Panthers come out of the shell ready, willing, and able to do murder. Fuck, I don''t know if Bear''s people got wiped by the Mother of Water Panthers herself, or if her kids just straight up murdered them all to death. So I guess what I''m saying is that in this particular instance, gutting some eggs might not be ''killing the little ones while it''s easy'' so much as ''taking out an invasive species before it spreads''.


    The most fucked up thing? Everything that I''m thinking here, both directions, both sides, might be entirely fuckin'' moot. All I saw was three eggs. As far as I know the Mother of Water Panthers didn''t have a Baby Daddy around. I sure as shit haven''t seen anything of that sort. Yeah, maybe she''s like one of those deep sea angler fish, and maybe all that remains of the Daddy of Water Panthers is a little pair of testicles dangling off her side for easy peasy fertilization. Maybe more than one pair; I''ve heard some of those fish are like that. Which, now that I think about it, means it''s possible I swallowed more babies than Rabbit ended. Shit, I may have set some kind of spooge swallowing record there. Not surprising, given the size of my maw and how much I can eat. However, before I get entirely off my topic, and holy shit I''m actually bringing myself back on topic which means I may actually be learning to manage my condition, I saw no evidence of tiny ball sacks hanging off the bitch, which means those three eggs? Might have no more Water Panther content than a typical grocery store egg has chicken content.


    For those of you who grew up thinking you were eating chicken fetuses or some shit, that amount is zero. Yolks aren''t chicken fetuses. Grocery store eggs aren''t fertilized. People eating eggs aren''t eating baby chickens. They''re eating what pops out of a mama hen when she doesn''t get fertilized. Yeah, not sure whether eating Water Panther spooge or chicken periods is worse, but honestly, when I think about it, I''d swallowed enough of the human versions of both before I woke up here and now that I''d be a bit of a hypocrite to get all squicked over either one going in my mouth the other day.


    So, y''know, out of the four possible flow chart branches, three of them are ''shut my fuckin'' mouth'', and the fourth is, ''fuck shit up with no positive outcome'', so for once in my fuckin'' life I''m gonna shut the fuck up.


    Okay, let''s be honest, I''m gonna let myself get distracted by other shit until I don''t remember what I was potentially gonna get pissy about.


    So yesterday, after assuring Lily and Rabbit that they were, in fact, welcome at the Homestead at any time, I gave them a lift to Grandmother''s Village, then got myself home in time for dinner. Unsurprisingly, bear meat still featured heavily. This time minced into pate, delivered in a kind of puff pastry shell. Good, different, savory. Reminded me a little of pastelillios.


    Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.


    When I asked her if she had and recipes for those, she looked intrigued and said, "Explain."


    "They''re like, okay, take an uncooked tortilla, the flour kind you put around a taco, then put some filling in, doesn''t really matter what, I liked the cheese steak ones, but the pizza ones were popular, either plain cheese or pepperoni, and everybody liked the chicken ones, except the Jamaican guys who were all about the ones with seasoned ground beef in them. But you put the filling in, fold the burrito over into like a half circle shape, then crimp the edge shut and drop that whole fuckin'' thing into a deep fryer until it''s golden brown."


    She tilted her head. "Pizza?"


    "Tomato and cheese flatbread, with just about anything you could name as toppings. Usually meat and veg though. People got mad if you put fruit on it. Oh, and Japanese people, as usual, made it weird and put peas and mayo on it."


    "Mayonnaise?"


    Of course Murder Mittens knew what mayo was. "Yep. Never tried that. Not sure if I want to."


    She just nodded and got a speculative look that stayed there all evening.


    Snuggled up with my ladies and kids in bed after Bath time, I nuzzled Siobhan. So, I heard somebody impressed Rabbit.


    Her face warmed where she''d nuzzled into my chest. She''s so cute, and... she didn''t seem afraid of me. I thought you''d want us to make a good impression.


    She is cute. I hope you didn''t do it just because you thought we wanted you to?


    She shrugged. It was different. Taking charge. I guess I didn''t enjoy it as much as I do with the three of you, but I''m not upset. Not every worthwhile thing in life is going to involve orgasms.


    Aw.... you mean you didn''t?


    She chuckled into my chest, her voice going just a little fuzzy. She was very passive. Receptive. I''d like to think she enjoyed herself.


    She did, Saffron chimed in, by the tone of her mental voice already halfway asleep.


    But... not very reciprocal.


    You didn''t do that scissor trick Marie did the first time with you?


    I''m not very confident about that. Other things, though... She demonstrated what she meant by poking me in the cleavage with the tip of her tongue.


    I chuckled and snuggled her tight to me. Well. Thanks for entertaining our guest, Darling. You definitely deserve some kind of treat for that.


    Mmm... de nada. Welcome even. Treat would be nice, but not toni... she trailed off. From behind me Saffron''s snores told me she''d fallen asleep as well.


    "You still awake, Marie?" I whispered.


    "No."


    I chuckled and took the hint, closing my eyes and drifting off.


    Dreamt of all four of my other ladies parading Siobhan around my Maw in a triumphant procession. By the look on her face, she might have objected, but somebody''s hands kept distracting her.


    Woke up, confirmed that it was, indeed, Wotansday, and hopped over to the Academy suite. Knocked on the Workshop door and stuck my head in. "Son? You around?"


    Long fingered hands, pianist''s hands, folded over my shoulders and massaged gently, pushing me forward into the Workshop. "Of course, Mother Dearest. I take it you''ve come for my latest creations?"


    I smiled at him as I turned around, my arms going around him in a chaste hug. A motherly hug, even, since according to Sisters who know better than me the crazy bullshit I did dangling Siobhan over the Maw was, in fact, chaste. "Hey, Son. That and had a question."


    "Another request?"


    I shook my head. "Nope. Serious question. Maybe even an offer and invitation?"


    "Go on?"


    "Did you want to keep your Workshop here, or did you want to bring it to the Homestead?"


    He smiled that secretive smile of his. "My Workshop is always where my Workshop is, but... you would have me in your Home?"


    "Of course. You''re my son."


    He chuckled. "And yet again you treat a polite metaphysical fiction as reality. Perhaps often enough and I''ll come to believe the reality as strongly as you champion it."


    "Yeah, well. Wasn''t my idea, but I take the whole parenting thing seriously. Probably the after effects of Mommy Issues and Daddy Issues. You telling me you''re not gonna take advantage of it?"


    He just smiled that too wide smile. "I already did. But now it seems I''ve been hoist by my own petard. Stranger still, I don''t seem to mind. Is there anywhere in particular you''d prefer I connect my Workshop?"


    I shrugged. "I mean, my office is the only place I can say without question nobody else will mind, but honestly?" I waited until he nodded. "You should probably ask Saffron. Knowing her, she picked a spot before we started construction."


    "Very likely so." He paused, then his smile got a little less knowing, a little more, I dunno, wistful. "Might I make a request of you?"


    "Sure, son. What did you need?"


    "Just a moment." He scurried off into the Workshop, returned a moment later carrying two jewelry cases. One, a simple flat oiled pine box, he handed to me. "Your pet..." I raised an eyebrow at him. "Err... Paramour''s present."


    "Thanks, son. I''m sure she''ll love it."


    "Now, my request. Kneel?"


    I raised an eyebrow, then smiled at him and went to one knee. He smirked. "More typical for warrior kings than queens, but I''d be lying if I called you any less than a warrior." He opened the second case and pulled out something that had both crowns and helms in its ancestry, but somehow transcended both. As he lowered it onto my head, the integral cheek guards slipping around my face smoothly as the crown settled on my head, he said, "Rise, Tabitha, Queen of Norfolk, first of your name. May you reign wisely and long."


    Didn''t have the heart to snark about ''long'' being less than twenty four hours. Besides, I caught a glimpse of myself in his mirror. I might not keep the crown long, but I had to say, I looked hot as fuck wearing it.

 Day Six Hundred And Twenty

    Dear Diary,


    It''s funny. When I first wound up Queen of Norfolk, it was purely one of those random ''results of choices made to get to a different goal'' kind of things. Went to Norfolk to get us a way to transport supplies to liberate Calverton. Became a Jarl because that got me what I needed. Started collecting Jarldoms because after Hilde I couldn''t leave folks living in that kind of situation. Wound up going after Gregor for the exact same reason, and when I realized that having the power to say ''no more slaves, no more rape-as-a-party-game'' and have it stick also meant I was Queen of fuckin'' Norfolk, I think part of me kinda blanked out on that.


    Like, yeah, I used the authority of being Queen to gather up all those toxic Jarls and toxic Jarl wannabes and point them at the Undead in Calverton. Of course I also told the former Thralls that if they wanted to, they could all move to Calverton where nobody expected them to do the shit work, and Mary Calvert went along with my idea of any Thrall that did their part getting a new home there. I guess I maybe did some good, but all of it was focused on helping the downtrodden people I saw in front of me. I never really had any kind of plan for systemic improvement. I know that even in the Alliance as a whole I can''t really say that, but there I started out by putting the smartest person I knew in charge, which in my Goof brain translated to the best chance of systemic improvement. In some way I''m emotionally invested in the Alliance in a way I''m not in Norfolk. I absolutely wanted to ditch the job as soon as feasible.


    Thing is, after damn near a year of being ''Queen of Norfolk'', I still wasn''t really emotionally invested. Not until a certain Smith who will remain nameless did the most slapdash ''coronation'' I''ve ever heard of. Shit, it was even more seat of the pants than my wedding to Saffron, and that shit was as quick and painless as we could make it, because I''m allergic to big formal occasions, and I could not have given less of a shit about weddings at the time, but holy shit did I want Saffron as my wife. Still do. No sign of that ever changing. Marie is the wifiest wife ever to wife, but Saffron is my other half. My partner, now and forever. Heh, I started talking about Conrad''s little ''coronation'' and how now I''m all invested in Norfolk, at least a little, and wind up talking about Saffron.


    Always Saffron.


    Thing is, I am kind of invested now, at least I feel invested, and that''s what emotional investment is, right? Feelings? But when I think about what''s best for Norfolk, when I put any effort into those feelings, I realize. What''s best for Norfolk? Is not me. Despite my nominal Vanir and Jotnar heritage by blood and adoption, all of my actual connections to the place are tenuous at best. With Phileo I worked for it, I shed the blood, sweat, tears, and snot of hard physical labor in terrible conditions. Even more so for the Alliance. But with Norfolk I just killed some motherfuckers who desperately needed to be killed. I really don''t belong on the throne in Norfolk any more than I belong in charge of Grandmother''s Village.


    Kinda shitty thing, to realize I might actually want to be Queen of Norfolk just in time to realize that being a Good Queen means giving the position to somebody who''s gonna do a shit ton better job of it than me. Better than realizing years down the line that I''ve been a shitty Queen and ought to apologize to everybody. I mean, I''ve been a complete absentee Queen since the Liberation of Calverton, and the only way to be a worse Queen than an absentee Queen is to be there making awful decisions, which I''m pretty sure I would have if I''d stuck around. So, maybe I owe my sociopathic smith son a thank you rather than a kick in the ass.


    So after Conrad''s little coronation ceremony, I scooped up the case for the crown and Siobhan''s gift, gave him a quick motherly kiss on the cheek, and hopped back home. Hung around in the kitchen with Marie planning out Siobhan''s birthday party menu. When Saffron got home from work, I pulled her in for a hug and whispered, "everything''s ready for tomorrow! Look at me, all planning for the future and shit!"


    She just raised an eyebrow. "The future is tomorrow?"


    "Sure as shit beats planning for yesterday, doesn''t it?" I might have been getting a little bit pouty.


    She smiled at me. "Yes, love. Planning for tomorrow is far better than planning for yesterday. Good girl."


    I cannot tell you how much those two syllables peg my personal happiness meter. Probably a good indicator that I''d rather hear those two from her than any given set of seven she came up with. Of course right then she managed to read my fuckin'' mind, pull me down until our noses touched and, staring into my eyes, whispered, "Good Girl Tabitha Diaz."


    When my brain could form coherent thoughts again, I whispered back, "you just like making my eyes cross."


    She hopped up into my arms, and I slipped an arm under her ass so she could cling to me comfortably. She leaned in and said, "Oh, no, love. I enjoy many other parts of our interactions. But yes, I do love being able to reward you carnally at a moment''s notice." She nuzzled me while I walked out to the dining room, then said, "so, tell me. What plans and preparations have you done for tomorrow''s festivities?"


    Right then Siobhan arrived, skipped over to give us both a hug and get scooped into my other arm. Mentally thanking the women who''d made our furniture for making dining room chairs as sturdy as the ones in the Academy, but with enough actual padding to not be actively painful to sit on, I plonked myself down in my seat and held them both in place. "Guess you two will have to feed me tonight."


    "Oh, no, whatever shall we do, Saffron?"


    "Ride her hard and put her away sopping?" Saffron answered, then blinked and shook her head. "No, wait. That''s later. I suppose we''ll just have to take turns filling her mouth."


    "Are you sure that''s not later too?" whispered Siobhan.


    Saffron laughed. "Probably. Now, you were about to tell me your plans for the morrow, Tabitha?"


    I nodded. "Well, there''s the party. Marie and I just decided on the menu. I''m even gonna hop up north and bring back some ice from one of the lakes so she can make some frozen treats." Also, I have a present.


    "A present?" asked Siobhan. "For who?" I just looked at her until she blushed. "You... you didn''t need to do that. I didn''t get you anything."


    I snorted. "Not my birthday."


    She just stared, open mouthed, while I turned back to Saffron. "I picked up the new crown for the coronation, and I''ve thought through what I''m gonna do and say."


    Saffron looked at me, surprise clear on her face. "Did you take notes?"


    "Would I remember to take them or read them?"


    "Good point." She just stared at me, like she expected something more, but... that''s all I had. Plans for Siobhan''s birthday party, plans for the coronation. Saffron sighed, then shook her head. "What about New Years?"


    "Uh... what about it? I mean, I don''t remember there being any kind of countdown or anything. Wait, if there was, it would be," I checked the sun. "In like twenty minutes, right?"


    She looked a little, I dunno, not disappointed, but she shook her head and said, "I keep forgetting you grew up elsewhere. Different traditions. Different New Year''s Traditions."


    She gave me a very smoky meaningful glance, and I thought back to what we''d done the year previously. I''d just done my New Amsterdam Healing thing, so I was next to useless for anything. I cudgeled my brain for any ''traditions'', and the image of my Kitten vigorously self-servicing while singing a seven syllable symphony surfaced from the depths of my memory. "Oh. Oh, shit. Yeah, I, uh, wow. Now I kinda wanna spend this evening on the divan with all three of you doing that." At that point her eyes rolled, and I said, "what am I missing?"


    She chuckled, pure velvet affection in auditory form, and said, "apparently that you are now the chief Goddess of the Temple of Love, my beautiful Goof."


    "Oh, I guess I ought to put in an appearance?" She just kinda looked at me. "Oh. Um. More than an appearance?"


    "I''ve never been to a Revel at the Temple of Love," murmured Siobhan. "Especially not a New Years Revel."


    "You wanna go?" She nodded. "Okay then, we go. It is your birthday in fifteen minutes, after all." I turned to Saffron. "So, the four of us?"


    She smiled. "I''m really not sure if Marie wants to."


    I turned to the Maenad in question, who''d just brought us our dinner entr¨¦e, which might, maybe in Japan, pass for bear pizza. Maybe. "You wanna come Revel with us at the Temple of Love, Mittens?"


    She paused, thinking about it, then replied, "No."


    I chuckled. "What, are you saving yourself up for next Friday or something?" She just stared at me. "Wait, really?" She blepped. "Oh, holy shit, that''s a hell of an expectation to live up to." I turned to Saffron. "Help?"


    She laughed, the sound pure amused joy. "You realize I''ll be marrying her too, Goof?"


    "Right. So two vee one. Tell me you have a plan?"


    She snuggled into me and fed me a bite of not-pizza. "Of course. I''m going to do whatever my wife asks of me."


    "Which one?"


    "Yes."


    Marie ended the discussion with a smile and, "Good."


    "So... just the three of us?"


    Saffron leaned back, thought about it for a moment, then said, "No. No, I have other plans."


    "Uh... can I know?"


    She giggled. "I hope you''re still up to Co-Locating while... involved, love."


    I smiled. "A little out of practice, but fuck it, we ball."


    "Well then." She turned to Siobhan and pulled her into a kiss that looked as hot as anything I''d ever seen the two of them do, and yes I am including Ice Pop''s defloration. When she pulled away, leaving Siobhan flushed and wobbly, she said, "have fun, Darling." Then she turned to me. "Go on, Karen will be expecting you."


    I nodded, then Co-Located to the Bed-Throne-Altar in the Temple of Love, bringing Siobhan along to sit on my lap, Saffron still in my lap at the Homestead dining room. A moment after our arrival, the cheering started. Not the kind of loud militant thing I was used to, either. This was more... holy shit it was exactly what I expected to hear at a concert when the headliners walked on stage. Siobhan blushed more and buried her face in my neck.


    "Goddess. I was almost worried you wouldn''t make it." Karen smiled down at me from where she stood next to the altar, Thomas, Richard, Harold, and a kinda chunky woman I''d never seen before all standing around near her. All five of them were very clothing optional, and as I looked around I realized that the youngest person in evidence was easily my age, and if none of them were actively doing the deed, it was mostly because they''d been watching the show up at the altar. Maybe waiting for the good part. Which I suddenly realized meant me.


    "Hey, I''m not gonna leave you hanging." I turned to Siobhan. "So... you up for this?"


    "I''m not sure."


    "It''s okay. I''d kinda be ashamed to be seen with me too."


    Her head snapped up, "No! I..." She trailed off as she saw my big smile. "You got me, Goof."


    "Not yet, but I''d really like to, Darling." As she blushed again, I said, "hey, I just want to do some totally chaste lovemaking with my Concubine in front of the whole congregation."


    "I... but... what would you have of me?"


    "Kinda want you to give Marie''s scissor trick a try."


    She shook her head, but in clear disbelief, not negation. "You want me to take the lead?" I nodded, and she took a deep breath. "I can''t promise anything, but I''ll try. But only if you tell me why."


    "They''re all gonna be looking at me anyway. I''m the center of attention all the fuckin'' time. Pretty often even when it''s fuckin'' time. But... this is your day. Your birthday. I want everyone to see exactly how beautiful, how special, how cool and awesome my Ice Pop is."


    She''d gotten more flushed as I spoke, but she quietly said, "I''ll try."


    "Only one question left then."


    "What''s that?"


    "Do you want your present now, or tomorrow?"


    "Is it an article of clothing?"


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    I rocked my head back and forth. "Sort of?"


    "Tomorrow, then." She twitched, banishing both of our outfits entirely. I lifted her hands to my shoulders, then as the sun touched the western horizon, projected my voice across the Temple. "Okay, everybody! Let''s get this party started!"


    She barely needed any encouragement to shove me backwards to land flat on the bed.


    Back at the Homestead, Saffron and I finished dinner, then wandered up to the Bath. "Are you really very sweaty, love?"


    I thought about that for a second, then grinned at her. "Getting kinda, elsewhere, but not so much here."


    Her Grin made an appearance. "Are you so terribly sore that you need a soak?"


    I may not be the brightest woman in the world, but I am sleeping with her, and with all the rubbing she must be rubbing off, because I actually caught her clue. "Kinda hoping to be tomorrow by this time? Or maybe even by morning?"


    "Oh," she fake smiled so bad even I realized. "I''m afraid I''m going to disappoint you then."


    I lifted her, stepped to the Bedroom, and banished our clothes. "You, my wonderful little Kitten, absolutely never disappoint me."


    Her Grin reappeared, and she slithered out of my arms to her feet, then pushed me back onto the divan, evading my hands when I tried to pull her with me. "Did you like our celebration last year?" She asked as she languidly stepped away from me.


    "Uh. Does ''oh, fuck yes, that''s why I wanted more tonight'' answer the question?"


    She hopped up onto the bed without turning around, then scooched backward until her knees dangled over the edge. "Well then. I guess I might not disappoint you after all."


    My brain melting down a little under the dual assault by both my littler ladies, my hands wandered a little as I said, "yeah, no, not disappointed."


    "I kind of hoped you''d like this even more."


    I heard myself snicker without intending to. "Because my hands are working?"


    She shook her head, a single jerk as she arched her back, her hands gliding across her body, and then she started the evening''s seven syllable symphony with, "because this bed has mirrors."


    Back at the Temple, Siobhan collapsed onto me. "I''m spent, beloved Goddess."


    I grabbed her head and forced her gaze to my eyes as her accidental seven syllable statement finished me. "That''s... uh... at least three?"


    "Really?" She was so cute when she blushed.


    I nodded. "You underestimate yourself." Then I laughed at echoes of endorphins from elsewhere. "Wait, isn''t that my line?"


    "I just wish I could keep going."


    I ran my hands down her back, massaging wherever I found tension. "Are you sleepy?" She shook her head. "Still wanna do more, just out of breath?" She nodded, smiling as she lowered her head to my chest. "You know I''m still gonna be putting you front and center, right?"


    "But I..."


    "Would it hurt you, upset you if I did?" She shook her head. "Well then." I sat up. "I very much want to." I put my hands around her waist, lifted her, and turned her around to sit on my lap, both our knees hooked on the edge of the bed. I scooted forward a little until my feet rested on the stone under the altar. I slipped my knees between hers, then slipped them apart.


    "Very... exposed," she breathed.


    "Stop?" Her hair whipped across my face as she shook her head, making her opinion vehemently clear. "Does this scare you?" She nodded. I lifted her up, and she dropped her hands to slide along my arms, then dangle so her fingertips brushed my thighs. A bit of shapeshifting later, and I pressed against her. "Scared enough?" Another nod, this one nearly as vehement as her headshaking earlier. "Good."


    My Darling really likes being dropped. Learned behavior. She seems to like it as much as I like Saffron''s seven syllable symphony, so...


    I wound up going to Norfolk with zero sleep and zero fucks left to give. No, seriously, I''d given them all to Siobhan, and she and Saffron lay snuggled on the Bed, blissfully beautiful. I added The Dress and her boots to my crown, since that''s what I''d won Norfolk''s throne wearing. A moment later, as I looked in the mirror behind the Divan, everything shifted, and I stood there in Gladiator Mode. I looked over my shoulder to see both of my littler ladies smiling at me. "Really?"


    "Please?" said Siobhan.


    "It''s how you won the crown, love. Let them see you, shameless, for you''ve nothing to be ashamed of."


    I barked out a laugh. "Barely even a scar from my lung piercing at this point."


    "Go, before you''re late," said Siobhan.


    "A Queen is never late," Saffron replied. "But you really should be going, love. But, before you go?" I tilted my head, waiting. "You really look fantastic."


    With that seven syllable sendoff I stepped down to Norfolk, right into the throne room, where Olga lay snoring. I mean, it was before sunrise, but she''d said ''New Year'', and she was gonna get crowned with the first dawn of the new year. "WAKE UP!"


    She jerked upright, and one of me stepped to Calverton, to the new little fishing village across from it. I lay a hand on Skasn and stepped him back to the hillside where Olga hung out during the day. He looked around muzzily. "What''s up, Majesty?"


    "Only for another couple minutes. I thought you''d want to see your girl get her crown?"


    His eyes wrinkled up as he smiled. "Thank you."


    Inside, I''d have picked up a pan and started banging it if I could, but I had none, so I just kicked open the longhouse doors and kept shouting. "Wake up! Wake up! Everybody up and outside! Now! Now! Now!"


    I guess the Jarls who''d seen me in action remembered, because the grumbles that started with my shouting ended when they realized who''d been shouting at them. The thunder of several hundred big dudes throwing themselves upright and making for the doors echoed through the longhouse. I turned to Olga, who worked her mouth as she glared at me. "Really, Diaz?"


    I laughed at the reminder of what I''d heard so often in my life, especially what with it being used by somebody in my typical position; oversleeping on the most important day of my life. "Really. Get your ass out to that spot you like so much. Get everyone you want to see you out there too."


    She frowned, then sighed. "The only one I''d like out there is still up near Calverton."


    "He''s waiting." She blinked. "Hey, I''m not a complete idiot. All the time."


    She laughed and stood. I thought, Karen? Tallulah?


    Yes, Goddess? they chorused, although Karen was a little sleepy.


    Can you two get Marylin Calvert, Ophelia Orange, Leonard Lancaster, and William Driver down to Norfolk poste haste, please? Karen, you don''t need to stay once they''re here.


    Of course, thought Tallulah. Karen just kind of mentally nodded.


    Minutes later, with dawn maybe ten minutes away, everyone had assembled on that hillside overlooking the bay. I turned to face the people of Norfolk and the grumpy dignitaries, which also included Orla Calvert and Angel, then turned back to Olga.


    "Olga Skasnsdotter. Kneel." She took a knee, and if some of the crowd gasped and grumbled, most of them held their breath. I reached out a hand and touched one of Olga''s feet, still bare where she''d not bothered to put shoes on. I Mimicked her Size, growing until I was exactly as big as she was, then turned to face the crowd.


    "People of Norfolk. For the past nine months, I''ve been your Queen. I don''t want to make anybody feel some kind of way, but I never really wanted the job. I''ve changed some of your traditions, and most of you complained, but did what I asked. If Big Jarl Johnson is typical, I think you might appreciate those changes more in time, but honestly, I''m not here to be anybody''s friend." I smiled as I half turned to Olga. "Not saying that some of you aren''t friends. But that''s not why I''m here."


    I paused, checking out the crowd. Nobody was happy, but nobody was leaving, either. Or throwing shit. "I conquered you. I made changes. Then I led you to war."


    That got a reaction. They all, even the sleepy grumpy ones, cheered. "Yeah, you guys kicked ass. All of you. Jarls. Karls. Those of you who used to be Thralls." That got a bit of a grumble, but I shouted, "they are fighters of Norfolk too, and they did you proud." I went quiet. "I... You did me all proud. You followed your orders, stomped out the Undead, and where in the past you would have loaded your ships with loot and come home, I know how many of you stayed. Stayed to help Calverton rebuild. Stayed to teach the former Thralls staying there maybe a few of the skills they''d need to find a place in Calverton. Stayed to guard Calverton until it could guard itself. I know there are folks who would want to be here today who are still there, still doing all that."


    I grinned at them. "I even know some of them are staying there because they wanted to celebrate New Years with new friends in Calverton." That got a cheer from them all, as well as a lot of laughter. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know why all of you were sleepy this morning." I leaned over like I was sharing a secret. "Tell you the truth, I haven''t slept yet. Been to bed. Hadn''t left it, really. But haven''t slept a wink." Another big round of laughter.


    "Somebody told me that she wants her first day as Queen to be the first day of the year. Somebody who was there with you all in Calverton. Stomping the Undead to paste. Saving any of you who got stuck in too deep. Since then, she''s'' been doing a better job of being Queen as Princess than I ever did, really. So while I''m so proud of everything you guys did for me while I''ve been your Queen?" I reached up and slid the crown off my head. "I think it''s time I step aside and let you guys have a Queen worthy of the title. Worthy of Norfolk. Worthy of you all."


    I turned to face Olga, who''d knelt there the whole time. Sliding the crown onto Olga''s head, I silently thanked Conrad again, this time for giving me the words I needed. "Rise, Olga, Queen of Norfolk, first of your name. May you reign wisely and long."


    I stopped Mimicking her Size, shrinking as she stood. "My people!" she called out, and a veritable wave of cheers washed over us. Over her, because her people were cheering for her, for one of their own. "I''m not one for speeches. So let''s eat!" That got an even bigger cheer, as well as a rush for the longhouse. She knelt back down to where I stood with the other dignitaries. "You''re all welcome to join us, but I''m afraid it''s nothing really special. Just morning after food for the folks up way too late at New Years parties."


    "I''ll give anybody who needs it a ride home." When Olga frowned down at me, I said, "hey, I''m not leaving. You ought to know better than most that I can be in as many places as I need to."


    She very ostentatiously rubbed at her butt cheek, hiding a grin. "I do. Very well, Champion." She nodded to the others. "As she says, she''ll take anyone who cannot stay home."


    Tallulah stayed, as did Mary and Orla. Bill went home, but Angel stayed. Leonard Lancaster asked for a ride to Lancaster House, I guess maybe to see his baby mama, since Larry told me she still lives there. Ophelia of all people stayed for breakfast and the apparently impromptu coronation feast. I stayed until just before lunch, when I said my goodbyes and hopped back to the Bedroom.


    "Up! Up! Time to get up!" I scooped Siobhan and Saffron up, then stepped them to the Dining Room as I slipped comfortable civvies on both of them; loose jeans and tee shirts, because I couldn''t remember dressing Siobhan like that, and Saffron... Oh, fucking fuck on toast, Saffron in a tee shirt. I think I could have stripped naked and Siobhan wouldn''t have noticed. Saffron, who often wound up being the most feline of my ladies, just soaked in her attention like it was her due. Which, y''know, magnificent.


    A few moments after we arrived, all our kids, all their friends, and most of the women of the Homestead jumped out from behind the tables. "SURPRISE!"


    So cute when Siobhan realized that everyone had caught her staring at Saffron''s chest. Not that anybody really blamed her or cared. Then Marie brought the food in, and she, Saffron and I took turns feeding our Ice Pop all her Marie made favorites. When everybody in the room was pleasantly full, Marie brought out the cake. Big enough to give everybody a nice sized slice, and every bit of it white, except the streaks and smears of blush colored pink, which Siobhan matched a moment later when she realized why.


    "Happy Birthday, Darling," I said, then leaned in and kissed her cheek as Saffron did the same from the other side. "Want your present now?"


    She lay a hand on her belly, where she''d surreptitiously unbuttoned her jeans. "Are you sure it''ll fit?"


    "Oh, absolutely."


    "Then yes, please."


    I retrieved the oiled pine box and set it on the table in front of her. "Go on. Open it."


    She lifted the lid, the hinge holding it open when she dropped her hands away and gasped. "Really?" She looked at me, smiling.


    "I mean... you said you wanted one?"


    She tugged at the neck of her shirt. "Please?"


    "You want me to put it on you?"


    "Yes, please."


    "Not Saffron?"


    She looked momentarily guilty, until Saffron reached out, lifted Siobhan''s hair out of the way, and held it up while she planted a line of feather light kisses around her neck. "Right about there, I think. Don''t you, Goof?"


    "Absolutely, Kitten. Ready, Darling?"


    "Yes, please!" she squeaked.


    I lifted the leather choker from the case, slipped the catch apart, and slid it around her neck. Before I could even reach around, the catch slipped into place with sound that did not make me think it would come off willingly. Not that she''d let anyone try, by the look on her face. Or by the way I felt her heart race through her jugular. "Like it?"


    She reached up and ran her fingers across it, her eyes going wide as my eyelids fluttered at the touch. "Oh, yes. Yes, very much...." She looked at Saffron. "May I?"


    "Of course," Saffron said, letting go of her hair and half turning to face me. Her eyes popped wide as Siobhan grabbed her and kissed her. While Saffron sat there recovering, she grabbed me, said, "I love it. I love you. Both of you," then did the same to me. I think both of us were still a little surprised and amused when, her fingers tangled in our hair, she pulled away from me, then pushed our lips together.


    Laughing kisses best kisses. When she finally let us apart, Saffron raised an eyebrow and drawled out, "Goof, did you break our Darling''s sense of restraint?" As badly as I broke her ability to think coherently during my Penance?


    I shrugged. "I mean, I tried."


    Saffron ran her tongue along Siobhan''s collar, and as if that weren''t enough to make me melty, whispered, "Good Girl."


    Yeah, nothing else really happened there and then, because the kids were, like, right there. Most of them declaring us ''silly'', although I noticed Maze maybe smiling a little, then glancing pointedly from the three of us to Marie. I just nodded to her, and I''m not sure what she took away from it, but she smiled and looked a very satisfied kind of happy.


    Late in the afternoon, with the kids all outside playing to burn off some of the sugary cake energy, I took a moment to look in on my other ladies. Tallulah looked out at her Court in Rich Man''s Port, where they were celebrating New Years with some kind of really formalized dancing in really fancy, really not very concealing ''masks''. Karen... Karen sat on the bed-throne-altar thing, looking out over the room, where it looked like a combination of die hard Revelers and late additions who''d been working for the rest of the holiday who were finally getting a chance to get their Revel on. She seemed a little wistful, like she understood why her booty call buddies had gone home, but still wished she had someone a little less random to Revel with.


    I got an idea. Probably a bad one. So I jostled Saffron where she sat next to me, snuggled up. That got Siobhan''s attention from the other side of her, and Marie''s from the other side of Siobhan. "Hey ladies? You know I''m tryna, y''know, go public, right?"


    Saffron nodded, Siobhan looked the tiniest bit alarmed, but only in a vague sort of way, and Marie was her unflappable self. "Go on," Saffron said.


    "Karen''s jonesing for some company at the Temple of Love."


    Saffron just smiled, tilted her head, and asked, "did you want us to join you?"


    I shrugged. "If you want to."


    Marie''s Grin crept across her face as the other two considered, until she ended their consideration by saying, "Watch."


    Siobhan''s eyes shot open, then she said, "yes! Yes, please!" She turned to Saffron. "Can we?"


    Saffron smiled at me. "Of course, Darling. Although..." I froze while reaching for them. "I might take my fellow Priestess'' place when you wear her out."


    I rolled my eyes, nudged my Blend up a little bit, and stepped us to some empty seats in the Temple of Love''s sanctuary. Leaving them to settle in, I walked up the steps until I stood in front of Karen, then lowered my Blend to normal. "Priestess?"


    She sat straighter. "My Goddess?"


    "Mind if I take the last ride of the night?" I nodded to the altar.


    She hopped up, nodding. "Of course, my Goddess!" As I sank onto the edge of the bed in pretty much the same position I''d sat with Siobhan before, she said, "where is your Concubine this evening?"


    I smiled at her. "I''m sorry, Priestess."


    "Why?"


    "You''re going to have to clean yourself up tonight," I banished her stripperific wedding gown, replaced it with Glowing Midnight, then banished the dress and inconvenient panties. "And I don''t intend to leave you much energy at all to do that cleaning up with."


    She stiffened, glanced around, but started to raise a hand to reach for me. Dutifully. Which wasn''t what I wanted just then, even if I understood her reasons. Y''know, ''mostly straight'', ''into hairy guys'', the whole thing where she could definitely have fun with me if she needed to, but it wouldn''t be her first choice. I banished my own clothes and went full boy mode, smiling up at her. Her sharp intake of breath and sudden loss of the bad kind of tension told me I''d scored an initial hit, even as she said, "Goddess, you don''t need to..."


    "Yeah, I know. But I think I think this is maybe way overdue." I dropped my Blend and lifted one black furred hand up to take hers.


    I watched her grin stretch in wireframe as my shadow engulfed her.


    Way back when duBois told me the story of Mimic, I never thought my first public outing as Mimic would be met with a smile, or by gasps of anticipation rather than fear.


    Felt good. Real good.


    Almost as good as my ladies did.

 Day Six Hundred And Twenty-One

    Dear Diary,


    You''d think when you reveal yourself as the Big Bad Evil Guy, there would be some kind of, I dunno. More of a reaction, maybe? Like, okay, Karen already knew who I was, so that wasn''t a shocker for her. Me showing myself as Mimic in a public venue gave her a bit of a surprise, but given the setting and, y''know, me using a bit of shapeshifting to jump up and down on her six month old excite button, I didn''t really expect her to get super upset right then and there. Maybe some morning after regrets, but then I half expected those myself.


    I kinda expected a little more shock and awe from the bystanders. Not, like, my own personal cheering section who were waiting for their turn when I ragdolled Karen to leave her drooling blissfully in a corner or some shit, my ladies are one and all ride or die, and I love them for it. No, I''m talking about the mix of Revel till they drop partiers who''d hung on until the hospitality workers got to join the Revel. Given that in the refurbished Temple of Love, hospitality workers includes everybody from wait staff to full on prostitutes, I can''t really blame them, because nobody parties harder than somebody who spends most of their waking hours making sure everybody else''s party turns out nice. When the line cook and the bartender are providing the food and drink for themselves and their fellow workers, there probably won''t be too many sprigs of parsley or fancy umbrellas, but the food is gonna give you mouthgasms and the drinks will taste like heaven and hit you hard enough to send you there if you''re not careful.


    Then again, now that I think about it with my brain rather than my gut, or even parts southward of that, I really shouldn''t be quite so surprised. The Revelers had been up and partying for at least twenty four hours straight, and their most recent fortification via food and drink came from the hospitality folks, which meant aforementioned heavenly drinks. The hospitality folks themselves are generally like any other Customer Service workers. If Satan and Cthulu walked up to a Customer Service Desk and declared they were about to end the world, the typical Customer Service Desk jockey would just sigh, ask them to wait a moment, then go digging for the ''end the world'' forms to fill out.


    Overall, the Winter didn''t go that badly. Yeah, I got myself mauled a couple times, but I don''t think I''ve managed to get through a Season yet without that happening. Might be a problem if my Kitten ever does manage to put a bun in my oven. On the one hand, I''m well aware that said oven is surprisingly durable. On the other, at one point I literally had a hole punched through me from front to back, big enough for Saffron to put her forearm through. We checked.


    But other than that, we managed to score a shit ton of meat for the Alliance, all courtesy of a Dragon that apparently killed the indigenous Atlanteans a lot harder and more deliberately than the Europan settlers ever did. I mean, I guess Sengann and Balor did them pretty dirty back in the day, but I''ve already eaten both of them to death. II kinda did the same thing to the Dragon in question, too. Heh. Now I''m kinda wondering, since the Dragon didn''t recognize me when I went full on Mimic''s Maw In The Mortal Realm, and the local Spirits Rabbit and Lily didn''t either, what Mimic''s reputation is gonna be. Be kinda nice if at least one group of people in the world saw me as ''righter of wrongs''. Shit, even just ''eater of bad guys'' would be better than ''Walking Ragnarok'' or ''Black Swan with a Thousand, Thousand Young''.


    Y''know, I''ve never sat down and thought about it before, mostly because there''s always been some kind of heavy emotions involved when somebody called me one of those, but maybe those aren''t really the awful appellations they sound like coming out of Lenny''s mouth. Seriously, what is Ragnarok? The Twilight of the Gods, if I''m remembering that mythology book right. First of all, sparkly vampires aside, twilight is only super scary if you''ve never dealt with sunset. If you''ve been living in the eternal sunshine of empowered immortality, the idea of the sun going down probably sounds scary as fuck. But if you grew up with the idea? Twilight is just another part of the cycle of day and night. Yeah, it''s gonna be night time for a while, but after night comes morning.


    Also, even if the Gods in question only get one day and then they''re gone, the Gods here and now, at least most of the ones I''ve been dealing with, are no great prizes. For every Loki, who was only ready to be a decent person because he''d spent centuries starving and thought he was about to die, there''s two like Dionysus or Canta or even Marie, if you look at her right, who just want to do their thing, maybe help some folks out, and another only god knows how many who are all about fucking over every Human or Human Adjacent person who doesn''t kiss their ass fast enough, long enough, or with exactly the amount of tongue they wanted at that moment.


    Such a colorful way of describing my peers. Also, thank you for including your mother and I in the better portion of the Divine spectrum.


    Honestly, she kinda falls into that second category.


    Excuse me?


    Oh, hey, don''t get me wrong, Dad. I love Mom, and she''s awesome, but before I came along she was pretty much just focused on doing her thing.


    She was protecting me from my ongoing torture!


    She was utterly and completely focused on her thing, didn''t really pay attention to anything else other than that.


    She was watching over... he trailed off, and I could practically feel the heat in his face. Oh.


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    Three, two, one, we have comprehension. Not saying I''m upset at her for that. ''Keeping to herself and doting on her husband'' is way better than the bullshit One-eye and Thunder-cock are getting up to.


    By Thunder-cock do you mean Thor or Zeus?


    Does it matter?


    Thor was violent and toxic, but not nearly as casual a rapist as Zeus.


    Fair point. I was talkin'' about Zeus though.


    I felt him smile, and he thought, nonetheless, I appreciate you holding me apart from my peers.


    Of course, Dad. You''re the best.


    I know.


    At any rate, being the Walking Ragnarok might not exactly be the ''Big Bad Evil Guy'' I''ve previously assumed. Same kinda logic applies to ''Black Swan with a Thousand, Thousand Young''. A Black Swan is just a paradigm shift. Shit, I think we had at least half a dozen in my short lifetime before getting Isekaied. So if I''m just the one who''s gonna make some kind of big change, and then shit''s gonna follow me like dominoes falling down, how you feel about that is really dependent on whether you liked the status quo.


    For anyone who hasn''t been paying attention, the status quo when I arrived kind of sucked shit through a tube.


    So yeah, maybe not everybody who hears about me is gonna have Lenny''s or duBois'' reaction of ''kill it, kill it, kill it before it reproduces''.


    Shit, I think I really do have baby fever or some similar shit. Which is fine, I guess, but I need to keep my eyes on the ball. In this case the ball is my actual current kids, and I''m including Marie''s horde hoard in that. Which means I need to remember that I''ve got a trio of birthdays to plan before Summer. I''m not sure which of them I''m more worried about. Maze and Lindsey I''ve got no idea what to get them, but I''m pretty sure I could come up with something. Ria, on the other hand, wants me to find her sister. All I really know is that her sister Adrienne is in a City on a peninsula, which mean she''s somewhere along the coast.


    So after almost twenty four straight hours of partying, both kid friendly and very much not kid friendly, I was kinda beat. Unfortunately, ''swarms of Dire Bears and a Dragon are attacking the Homestead'' is a reasonable excuse for not showing up for Vickerson''s mentoring session. ''I just spent the past thirty six hours partying'' is not.


    After I left my ladies napping with the kids, who were still kinda sleepy from the big meals and all the running around yesterday, I stepped up to the Bath and showered off the worst of the accumulated funk. Once I passed my own sniff test, I put my uniform on and stepped over to Vickerson''s room. Like, outside, not inside, because I didn''t want to interrupt Cadet Brat. Again. I pounded on the door for a solid five seconds; I wasn''t sure if that was enough to get through the soundproofing Wards, but I figured maybe they''d notice the door shaking or something. After that, I opened the door a few inches, smiling at the nostalgic organic crunch of the Devotional enchantment dying, and called out, "everybody dressed in there?"


    The only response I got was a sort of groan from Vickerson.


    "Okay. I''m coming in. Three. Two. One." I stepped into the room to see Vickerson blinking up at me. Oddly, Cadet Brat wasn''t anywhere to be seen. "You okay? Where''s your roommate?"


    "She chose to remain at the Temple. Which let me sleep undisturbed on my Devotional Day for once."


    I blinked at that as things came together in my head. "Temple? Wait... Temple of Love?" She nodded, levering herself out of bed and stumbling over to her armoire. I guess having a roommate that spent one day a week tryna set self-service records didn''t leave her with a lot of shame or anything. "She was at the Temple of Love on New Years?"


    Vickerson winced. "We, uh, both were."


    I felt my own face heat a little bit. "So. I guess you saw me up there?"


    "Your Concubine is very beautiful."


    I smiled at her attempt at politicking. "Yeah. Yeah, she is. You know that''s Sister Siobhan from the Infirmary, right?"


    She sighed as she tied her pants over her shirt. "I''m aware. I don''t think I''ll ever be able to forget that."


    I stepped over and put a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it for a short moment. "Hey. I''m sorry if we made you feel some kinda way. She takes her duties seriously."


    She nodded. "I know. I''m just... I''ve been dealing with some, um, relationship issues?"


    I put on my best ''understanding mentor'' face. "Things not going well with Hildegarde and Citron?"


    She just gawped at me. "How did you?"


    I chuckled a little. "It''s kinda obvious?" I mean, it wasn''t that obvious, but her reaction definitely confirmed my suspicion. "Look, it''s not a problem. Really, it''s a good thing."


    "Really?"


    I nodded. "Yep. Can you keep a secret?" She nodded as she slipped her jacket on. "It''s one of the secret requirements for graduation."


    "One of?"


    I grinned at her. "Hey, if I tell you the others, they aren''t secrets any more."


    She sighed. "Fair. I just hoped maybe my Mentor would help me out with those."


    I smiled at her again. "I mean, I''m not not going to point you in the direction of things you need to do." I looked her over, doing a bit of the straightening and primping thing. "You ready to go?"


    "Yes, Ma''am." Then she slumped just a little. "I''m still a little tired after yesterday though."


    "Hildegarde get you all tuckered out?"


    She smiled up at me. "She was very enthusiastic."


    "You have fun?"


    "Yep."


    "Okay then. Let''s go." I took her by the hand and stepped to the entryway of Lancaster House. One short flight later, and I called out to the assembled Lancasters. "Hey! Larry! Bonnie! Lenny! Lachlan! Raven! How''s the New Year treated you so far?"


    Lachlan waved at us, trying to empty his mouth of the waffle he''d just filled it with. Raven rolled her eyes and shook her head at his antics. Larry looked like he was gonna stand up and greet us, but Bonnie pulled him back down beside her, leaned into him, and said, "very, very, very well, Commander."


    Finally, Leonard stood, did a little half bow, and said, "Good Tidings for the New Year to you... Tabby."


    "Good Tidings to you too! You remember that Cadet I wanted your help with?"


    He nodded, looked at Vickerson, and said, "Cadet Vickerson is the Cadet in question, I presume?"


    Oh, Goddess. Lord Lancaster knows my name.


    "Yep. She''s the one. Real knack for getting folks working together. Which, y''know, not my core competency. So, you think you can maybe teach her a thing or two?"


    "I''m certain I can. Once breakfast is done?"


    I stepped us both over to the table and sat down next to Raven, settling Vickerson in the seat next to me. "Lesson one for the day, Cadet. If Lancasters offer you breakfast? Get you some waffles."


    "Yes, Ma''am."

 Day Six Hundred And Twenty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, I''m not sure if I''m happy about mentoring Vickerson or not. I mean, she''s definitely one of the most talented Cadets in her class, especially when it comes to paying attention to big picture stuff and getting people working as teams and units rather than collections of individuals. Shit, she managed to get Citron and Hildegarde acting more or less in concert, and those two hated each other. They might even still hate each other, I''m not sure, but, and this is the important part, even if they do still hate each other, they like her more than they hate each other.


    As a second string for that bow, and I hope I''m not messing that phrase up, and this might actually be part of that big picture thing, she''s got tremendous situational awareness, at least in terms of combat. Really, it goes beyond combat and covers ''conflict'', because when Lenny sat her down and taught her to play chess yesterday, she knew when she was screwed. Like, not just ''oh, I''m facing the great General Leonard Lancaster in a strategy game'', either.


    Seriously, she got herself some brain food in the form of waffles, then Leonard suggested retiring to what he referred to as the ''Lord''s floor'', the big old boy''s club on the top floor of the House. Although I think I remember hearing at some point that it''s not actually the top floor of the deeper parts of the House; there''s an attic where they store shit like furniture and weapons that don''t need much maintenance.


    At any rate, he sat down and, when she said she didn''t know the game, he reviewed how each piece moved, then just started playing against her. Like half a dozen moves in, she shook her head and said, "can we start over?"


    He slow blinked, then said, "why?"


    She looked down at her pieces, very much not willing to meet his gaze, and said, "I... I''m not sure how I messed up, but I''m pretty sure I''ve lost."


    At that point I''d been kinda sitting with Larry and Bonnie and Lachlan. I was keeping half an eye on my prot¨¦g¨¦, which still feels weird to say, Larry was watching quietly along with me, and Lachlan and Bonnie were gossiping about what was going on in the Ladies'' Quarters. Like, Lachlan filling Bonnie in, because apparently while he sat around waiting for somebody in the Quarters to need the town bike, his brain soaked up social information like a sponge. Even moreso when Carruthers wasn''t with him, and according to their conversation Linus had returned to Phileo for the next Season''s classes.


    I''d been getting a little bored watching, but when she said that, I swear my asshole puckered as Lenny actually smiled. "Can you tell me how you''re going to lose?"


    She grimaced and shook her head. "I... Every move I can see to make either loses more pieces than I can take, or sets up a situation where the same thing happens."


    Lenny nodded. "You''re not incorrect. Do you really wish to start over?"


    She pursed her lips, opened her mouth, then shut it again. I nudged her, and when she looked at me, I said, "go on. I can''t pretend to like Lenny, but he''s a pretty fuckin'' good instructor. He might already know what you''re gonna say, but can''t neither of us be sure unless you say it."


    She gave me a tight lipped smile, nodded, then turned back to Lenny, who also nodded. "Tabby''s right. At least that I cannot actually read minds. What were you going to say?"


    "Before we start over, could you show me two things?" He waved a hand and nodded. "Show me where I messed up, and how I''m going to lose?"


    At that point I knew the world was ending, that my Walking Ragnarok energy had straight up thrown us into an entirely different timeline, because Lenny Lancaster not only smiled again, he turned to me and said, "well done, Tabby. Bringing me this one. You seem to have a knack for finding worthy students." Before I could say reply or acknowledge the compliment, he muttered, "now if only you could stop sleeping with them."


    Vickerson blushed, and he looked askance at me. "Really, Diaz?"


    I dropped a shoulder in a shrug. "Spur of the moment one time thing in the middle of last summer."


    He closed his eyes, sighed, and said, "of course it was." Then he turned back to Vickerson. "I cannot tell you precisely where you ''messed up'', because it wasn''t one particular move. You''re reacting to what I''m doing, mirroring me without true understanding, Which isn''t terrible, in general, except once I realized you were doing it, I used that to guide your moves to your own disadvantage. So your mistake, such as it was, was a perhaps excusable one, being tentative and reactive rather than looking ahead from the very beginning, and acting rather than reacting."


    She nodded. "Thank you, Sir. How were you going to beat me?"


    He nodded. "Each of those troublesome situations you saw would have resulted in a check mate within six moves. I could play one out for you?" She nodded, so he proceeded to play both sides, talking through each move. Shit like, "your pawn takes my knight, my bishop takes your pawn, your queen takes my bishop, my knight takes your queen and you''re in check, You move your king out of check, and I move my queen to place him in check mate." Then he reset the board to the point where she forfeit and ran through a different set of moves. Then he did it again.


    After like the fifth set, with her following along each time, she said, "is there any way I could retrieve this?"


    He smirked at her. "To beat me from that situation would require a far better player than I. I''m almost certain William couldn''t do so. The Imperator? Perhaps. But then, she would never have been in such a position in the first place."


    She sighed. "I''m sorry I''m not very good at this."


    "Nonsense. You''ve never played before, have you?" She shook her head. "Yet here we are, halfway through the game, and you''re already looking two or three moves ahead to see that your situation is untenable. On a battlefield, that would be a sign that you must retreat, surrender, or change the battle in some way, like deciding that your goal is no longer forcing the enemy off the field, but damaging their army to such a degree that it is no longer capable of projecting force, even if yours is destroyed in the process."


    He reset the board like some kind of fuckin'' machine, slid his king''s pawn forward, and said, "now. Look forward. See what I''ve done, attempt to counter it, certainly, but plan out your next moves as well." He nodded, and she... mirrored his pawn move. Like, slid her king''s pawn right up so he could take it. So he did. She slid her queen''s pawn forward the same way, and he took it again. "Are you certain you''re taking this seriously, Cadet?"


    She nodded and slid her bishop forward to the middle of the board. "Check. Sir."


    He frowned, looked at her, and said, "are you sure you''ve never played before?"


    "Yes, sir."


    He nodded, then smiled again. "Well done."


    She smiled and shook her head. "I''m sure you just let me do that to take the sting out of my last loss."


    He shook his head. "I would never. No, Cadet, I fell prey to that most pernicious of flaws for those of us with talent." When she tilted her head, he said, "arrogance. Now. Are you ready to continue?"


    "Yes, sir."


    He proceeded to play a lot more cautiously, and beat her like an hour later, while I tried real hard to look like I was paying attention, while actually sneakily Co-Locating to the kitchens to steal more waffles. When she nodded after he said, "check mate," he said, "excellent. Are you up for another game?"


    "Could you point out any particular mistakes I made in that one first, sir?"


    I was never really a sports fan. Like, okay, I''d drool at tight ends and cheerleaders alike, but the game itself kinda bored me. Listening to commentators never made it better; instead of action I didn''t understand, I was stuck watching talking heads talking about action I didn''t understand. This was like that, only without the action. I nodded, leaned on my fist, and settled in to a day of one of me keeping a serious face and watching while the other one of me wandered around Lancaster House being an absolute little chaos goblin. I stole waffles, I ate a jar of honey, I used the insta-undressing trick to steal a few pairs of underwear and slip them into the light fixtures. I stole a goat. I mean, I didn''t ''steal it'' steal it. Okay, I totally stole it and added it to Menace''s inexplicable goat collection. I stole a bunch of odd socks and swapped them for other odd socks in different armoires. I Blended and snuck in to watch Raven paint, and immediately had to swear myself to secrecy about what she was painting. By the end of the say I''m sure I''d driven Oscar nuts with the ongoing reports of minor mischief.


    Eventually Lenny said, "well. This has been entertaining for me and instructional for you, I hope."


    "I... I think I see how this could be applied in the field, sir."


    He gave her a flat look and said, "I hope you don''t expect people to take turns on a battlefield."


    She shook her head. "Oh, no, sir. But the idea of concentration of forces, planning responses to enemy actions, then manipulating them to take the actions you''re prepared to respond to..." she trailed off.


    He just nodded. "Just so. When next we meet, I''ll be prepared to begin your actual instruction."


    "Thank you, sir."


    He stood, shook hands with her, then nodded to me. "Tabby."


    I stood, collapsed into myself, and smiled real big as I stuck out a hand to shake. "Thanks, Lenny!" He shook my hand then headed for Lachlan''s bedroom. Well, I guess his bedroom, since Lachlan had been using the Lord''s suite last time I was here. I turned to Vickerson and said, "Time to get you back home. Maybe even in time to get a nap in before Cadet Brat gets home and starts keeping you up all night."


    She looked at me. "Cadet Brat, Ma''am?"


    "Your roommate?"


    She blushed a little and chuckled at me as she took my hand. "Oh, she''s not that bad most of the time. Six days out of the week, she''s a model Cadet. A full Cadet, and she''s only been here three Seasons. It''s just... she''s very devout." I gave her a little bit of a hairy eyeball as I stepped her back to her dorm room. "She follows you specifically in your aspects of Passion and Ecstasy, Ma''am."


    I took a deep breath, wondering how to respond to that, and got hit with a lungful of leftover Brat funk. "Oh, man, haven''t the Maids been in here?"


    If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.


    "It''s her laundry, Ma''am." When I looked askance at that, she explained. "She volunteered at the Temple most of the week. She wore that same uniform all week," she nodded to the pile that most of the reek came from. "And stopped in just long enough to switch into a... I''d say scandalous outfit, but..."


    "Yeah, New Years at the Temple of Love is kinda clothing optional, so skimpy isn''t really gonna stand out."


    She nodded. "Yes, Ma''am." She paused, obviously a little conflicted, then said, "at any rate, the Maids can''t come in during our Devotional Day, and she dropped that off not long before then.


    I shook my head. "Like I said. Brat."


    She chuckled. "I guess. Maybe a little."


    "So. What aspect do you Worship me in? Or did you just pick me to get rested up on Fridays before PT and CT on Saturday and Sunday?"


    "I..." She kinda froze up, trying to speak but unable to. Almost so quietly I couldn''t hear it, a whisper of, you, Ma''am, in the back of my head.


    "Kinda thought you''d be all about Agency, or maybe Justified Homicide or something, what with the ripped up armor there on your altar."


    "You did that, Ma''am," she whispered. When I blinked at her, before I could ask what she was talking about, she said, "my issue Cold Iron chain shirt. It... bothered you."


    "Oh! Uh. Yeah. I was really in a mood that day." I chuckled, trying to make light of it. "Sorry about that?"


    "About what?"


    "Y''know. Didn''t give you much of a choice there. Kinda forceful."


    She shook her head. "Ma''am, you were beyond words, and yet you brought the Imperator herself to make sure I... I consented. I wanted." Want.


    I snorted, put a hand on her shoulder, and said, "Hey. Don''t get all hung up on that. She''s my wife. She''s my better half. I bring her in a lot when I''m not sure what I''m doing is, y''know, okay or horrifying. I''m just glad you enjoyed it." I shot her a lopsided smile. "Hope you''re enjoying your current situation at least that much." When she gabbled wordlessly, I said, "hey, like I said, nothing wrong with it. I heartily approve. Also, if you ever need any advice, remember." I jerked a thumb at myself. "Mentor. Who has done the deed with more than one person at a time a time or three."


    "I... I... I..."


    "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just leaving the offer open. I''ll see you next week?"


    "Yes, Ma''am!"


    With that I stepped home. Dinner was some good bear steaks. I realized that unlike this time last year, we wouldn''t be eating nothing but re-worked leftovers until first harvest. Lots of bear, but not much in the way of leftovers.


    In the Bath, Saffron floated over, her eyes closed as she bumped into me. "Love?"


    I slipped an arm around her, sank a bit, and pulled her over me, sliding my other arm around to lay both of my forearms on her belly. "S''up, Kitten?"


    "Do you intend to continue attending services at your Temple?"


    That kinda floored me. "Do you mean, like, as an observer, or like we did on New Years?"


    I felt her grin even without looking. "I mean like you did, Goof."


    "You mean showing up as Mimic?"


    "In part. But also giving of yourself to your Worshippers."


    I lay there, enjoying the feel of her against me. "I''m past feeling guilty about it, but... it''s still so weird."


    "Which part? That your Worshippers feel no fear when you reveal that you are Mimic Incarnate, because you have shown them that even if you are a monster, you are their monster, the one that protects them from all the lesser fiends of the world? Or the part where earlier in the day they''d seen you put another before you, gave her the spotlight that was your due, all to see her smile?"


    I snickered a little. "Think she did a little more than smile."


    Saffron shook her head, and I loved the feel of her hair gently swishing against me. "For most of the evening you had her facing the congregation, love. For a time I watched through Karen''s eyes..."


    "Hey, weren''t you putting on a show for me right then?"


    Again my Kitten''s smile lit up the Bath. "Why bother with some fantasy to spur me to ever greater performance for you when what Karen watched was as erotic a show as I''d ever imagined?" She rolled over, looked me in the eyes as her magnificent mammaries made it hard to focus. "Did my performance in any way disappoint you, love?"


    "Not in the slightest. Point taken."


    She nodded. "Your Worshippers saw a Goddess whose entire focus was not on her own enjoyment, but on suffusing a Mortal, her Concubine, one whose position under Aphrodite would have been little more than a toy, with as much pleasure as she could possibly survive. Using nothing but that, you pushed her beyond even what she thought she could do, and it was Glorious, love. Then, when she finally slipped and failed, rather than tossing her aside, you gently swept her up and took her home."


    "Not right away."


    "Love, her whispered words at the end did not pass Karen''s notice or mine. ''Please, Goddess, do not allow me to disappoint you''. Enthusiastic Consent to being used if I''ve ever heard it." I opened my mouth, although I''m not sure what I was gonna say, because then she whispered, "It was intended as such when I whispered it after you finished with Karen later. And when she screamed it with her last conscious breath shortly before."


    "Uh..."


    She smiled at me softly. "Oh, by then I knew you would likely erase my consciousness by suffusing me with more Ecstasy than I could contain, but I meant what I said. As did Karen. As did Siobhan. As did, I''m guessing, Tallulah and the Priestesses who came after her." She shook her head, obviously affectionately amused. "There was a line of supplicants watching what you did to the ones who came before, desperately hoping they''d get their turn before the Revel was done."


    That... I dunno, something about that hit home when the rest hadn''t. "They were waiting in line?"


    She smiled. "Well, not so much standing in a line. But they were seated in the closest seats, watched over by your one High Priestess who chose not to participate. Very politely, but very eagerly." She kissed me, long and slow, and when she pulled away, said, "they''d all seen what you gave your partners. They''d seen you shift for Karen, embodying precisely what she desired. They watched you do the same for me."


    "Hey, I just dropped the boy mode when you asked."


    "Did I ask, though?"


    "I mean, no, but you were, y''know, looking like you wanted tits for a headrest."


    "I did. You did. You were perfect, love. I''m still not certain if it was just you being you, or you being you empowered by the faith and Worship of your congregation. But I have no doubt that if we asked Tallulah, you were as perfect for her as you were for me. The other Priestesses would likely say the same. Those that are capable of more than nodding and drooling as of yet, at any rate."


    "Make me sound like some kind of drug."


    She brought her mouth to my ear and breathed out, "the very best, holiest kind, my love."


    I sighed, then chuckled a little at myself for sighing about, y''know, the situation I found myself in. "So my reward for all that work is..."


    My Kitten nodded, chuckling. "Ever more work, yes." She sighed, absolutely a put on. "I suppose I shall have to resign myself to waiting at home and watching."


    "What if I want you along?"


    She shook her head. "Oh, no. Sadly, my training and Titles mean it takes far too long for you to do unto me as you did unto us all the other night. It would be patently unfair of me to yet again leave so many unblessed by your touch at the end of the Revel for lack of time."


    I scrunched up my face at that. "I could Co-Locate?"


    She shook her head. "Oh, no. Not for that." She blinked, then giggled. "So you, to not understand what made things, made you, so perfect. You. One of you. Absolutely focused on the Worshipper in front of you, pouring every ounce of Worship you received from them and everyone watching into making their experience as blissful, as Divine as possible. No, love. If you choose to attend, to give of yourself like that? One of you, focused on whichever of them is with you in that moment."


    I sighed. Set my shoulders. Tried really hard not to laugh at how I was looking at this as, y''know, Serious Business and work to be done. "Um, how often are we talking?"


    She nodded, understanding. "There are of course impromptu Revels, but as for things that are scheduled, that would be every Freyday evening for a weekly Revel, plus the nights of the New and Full Moons." At my questioning look, she explained, "Karen started doing it as a sort of respectful thank you to Diana''s Clergy for assisting with the Temple reconstruction, and it sort of stuck. I think some of your faithful lack the ability to make it to the Freyday Revels, so having two others in any given month is convenient for them."


    "Okay. Cool. Um... so that''s six nights a month?"


    She nodded. "Plus of course the Solstices and Equinoxes. Although you need not be there for the entire day long Revel. Except it would likely be for the best if, barring some reason why not, you were there for the entire New Years Revel on the Spring Equinox."


    I pouted a little. "Siobhan''s birthday is New Years."


    "Oh, no. She will have to accept the gift of bliss beyond Mortal comprehension and Endurance." I snerked. "Every year." I tried to say something, and she Grinned and glanced over at where Siobhan just floated, serene smile undisturbed as Saffron plotted out her every birthday for the foreseeable future. "Until the year her body inevitably finally fails, and forevermore she is bound to your Bedroom, where bounds of Mortality can no longer limit her Ecstasy."


    I snorted, vaguely annoyed, but mostly still amused. "Okay, I am not going to murderfuck Darling now or in the foreseeable."


    Without moving Siobhan murmured, "but if I Consent, and my body simply cannot survive what I so dearly desire, how is that murder? You are even a Psychopomp. My Soul would go from Ecstasy in life to Ecstasy in the afterlife, with hardly a pause in between. I would rejoice eternally if that were my fate."


    I shook my head, reminding myself that ''death by dysentery'' wasn''t just an Oregon Trail thing here and now. Dying mid-fuck really didn''t sound so bad compared to that, especially when, as she said, she was absolutely certain that said fuck would, in fact, be continued the moment she got to her eternal rest. Which would just so happen to be in my Bedroom. "Still boggles my mind that somebody as sweet and kind as you would be so stuck on somebody as, y''know, rough and tumble as me."


    "I think it''s your purity, Tabitha."


    "Whut?"


    Saffron nodded. "It''s true. So much of what you do, almost all of it, really, you''re so in the moment. You''re then, and there, not anywhere else."


    "Yeah. Hyperfocus is a thing. Guess it''s... Whoa. Never actually thought about the conjunction of ''hyperfocus'' and ''ringing somebody''s downstairs doorbell'' before." I paused while they both chuckled quietly. "I, uh, guess that maybe... Lines?" They both nodded. "Some people didn''t get a turn?" They both shook their heads. "Okay then. I, uh... can somebody else manage the lines? I don''t think I could be impartial."


    Both of them laughed. Marie chuckled in the back of my head. Fuck, Karen and Tallulah did too. Saffron just smiled and said, "as our Goddess wishes, so let it be."


    Let it be so, all of them chorused in my brain.


    "So, uh... six or seven nights a month?" Saffron nodded, using my breasts as pillows as she smiled. "You sure you''re not gonna be jealous?"


    My knees bent, my feet dropping to the floor of the Bedroom where they dangled over the end of the bed. "Why would I be jealous?" She rooched around until she lay with her back to me, then sat up, pulling me along with her. "Why would any of us be, when after all we have you to ourselves the other twenty days?"


    I looked over her head and got a look at the two of us in the mirror. Yeah, that... wow. Hell of a view. "Now?"


    "Please?"


    Right about then Siobhan settled onto the Divan. "Me next!"


    "Are you certain you don''t want to go first again?" Saffron asked.


    Siobhan shook her head, droplets of water spraying around the room from her still sopping hair. "I never did get to watch."


    "Such a forward, demanding Concubine." Siobhan blushed a little, opened her mouth, and Saffron cut her off. "Perfect. Absolutely perfect. Good Girl."


    Siobhan blepped. I guess partners do pick stuff up from one another. "Oh, hey, ladies?" I did a little subtle shuffling in my brain. "Is Marie busy?"


    "She''s putting the children to bed. Should we invite her? Just to watch, since she''s abstaining until our wedding night?"


    "Not quite yet. Before she gets here, time to brainstorm." The two of them looked the same question at me. "Oh, c''mon. The woman has multiple thousand years on all of us put together. We absolutely need to plan this shit out and team up on her to blow her big old tigress brain."


    "Hmm..." Saffron pondered while she slowly shifted us around for maximum viewing distraction. "You do. We''ll brainstorm."


    What else could I say? They''re the smart ones, after all. "Yes, dear."


    Y''know, I haven''t gotten a lot of sleep since that fuckin'' Dragon died, but I''m not missing it like I did before then. Might be some of that Dragon Power. Might also be that being Worshipped while I bang my worshippers brains out isn''t quite as stressful as fighting ever larger Dire Bears and running cross country.


    Realized I didn''t have any classes to teach when I got to the Academy. At that point my newest Nefarious Gremlin Plan took shape. Now and then I''d followed a Marie around as she did her Maid thing at the Academy, but today... Today I followed all of her around. Each and every Marie, everywhere she was. Transporting Alliance dignitaries. Bodyguarding Saffron in the Grand Council Chamber. Ferrying Jotnar to Mega Bear''s carcass to begin breaking it down. Watching and playing with our kids. Prepping meals at the Homestead. Doing the same at the Academy. Multiples of her doing that alongside at least a dozen of her sisters. Gathering laundry. Cleaning rooms. Washing laundry. Coordinating the Maids and Smiths and Orderlies and even the Faculty, because at the end of the day it was, after all, her Academy more than any other single person in the whole fuckin'' Alliance.


    At the end of the day, when she collapsed down to a handful of her, I tugged at her sleeve. "Mittens?"


    "Vlickies?"


    "Are you doing anything you couldn''t set aside until tomorrow?" She tilted her head. "I... I want you all to us tonight. And, y''know, on our wedding day? Just one of you. All of you. Right there at the altar with us."


    A grin slowly stretched its way across her face. "After?"


    I wrapped my hands around her arms and pulled her down, face to face with me. "One of you. One of you, and the three of us totally focused on making that one of you the most utterly blissful bride in the history of brides."


    That earthshaking rumble of a purr shook the room. "okay"

 Day Six Hundred And Twenty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, I definitely felt weirded out by the whole ''oh, look, I''m a Love Goddess and people want my personal love juice in, on, and or around them''. But honestly I think it might not be entirely a bad thing. Also, no, I am not saying that because I''m being all horn dog about it. Seriously, I have three different flavors of tasty awesome gracing my Bedroom on the regular, and all of them are perfectly okay with me taking anybody who catches my eye out for a test drive. I mean, I''m cool with them doing so too. More than cool; not only do I get dopamine dosed dolls to dally with for zero effort on my part, that shit is awesome hot. Seriously, my adult son who enjoys taunting me about preferences I didn''t quite realize I had puts mirrors all around the room so I can catch multiple views of my partners and somehow somebody else doing the work for the happy making is supposed to make me upset when they are clearly getting their bells rung?


    I mean, yeah, if somehow one of them got some kind of serious addiction to a different flavor of private touching, to the degree that they said they didn''t want me any more, I''d probably feel some kinda way. Thing is, if they were happier, I''d be happy for them. Even... wow. Even Saffron. Okay, I''d be happy for her, but holy shit I''m not sure I could survive that. But to see her happy, happier than she is with me, I''d step aside.


    I guess maybe I am growing up.


    But here''s the thing, I have no reason to expect they''d ever do that. Thinking about it, when I Just Happened to Marie, she and Saffron didn''t start some kind of competitive drama or anything like it. We talked it out, they decided that I''m enough for them to share, and then almost immediately showed me that I''m perfectly okay with watching the two of them, too. Then when Siobhan entered the picture, three became four, and we rolled on. I really don''t know if four will ever become five, but if that happens, it happens. I kind of doubt it, more because we''re kind of in a state of dynamic stability than any sort of ''we don''t want to add anyone'' reasons. Seriously, Lily is hot as fuck, Rabbit is an entirely different kind of cute than Saffron or Siobhan, Panther literally worships me, and Silk, Lachlan, and Carruthers are three different flavors of perfect cuts of prime beef.


    Okay, I need to go lie down for a little bit, because that time those three gorgeous hunks of man flesh visited with intent to conjugate our verbs, I took a glimpse through Marie''s eyes and it was even hotter than where I watched from what was, in my opinion, the best seat in the house. Both of those images are seared into my brain in that ''oh, yeah, I need some release right the fuck now'' sense. Although, now that I think about it, that really does make me feel better about the whole ''how will Saffron react to me doing Atlantis one Worshipper at a time'' thing. Because lets face it, the other two really do take their lead from her, and if I can predict her response to ''oh, you''re too little to pull a four horse hitch'', I''m pretty sure I''m on point with her responses to other stuff.


    At any rate, I think that big infusion of Dragon Power not only boosted Her Dark Fatassness'' growth across a solid chunk of the North Atlantean Tectonic Plate, it also seemed to have supercharged my own Divine nature. Wow, some tiny part of me, the me from back in the day that is, would probably give me A Look and mutter something about eighth grade syndrome if she heard that. Which is kind of hilarious, since I''m just describing factual information as I perceive it. Like, I''m Mimic, or her Avatar, whichever, and I''m also a Demigoddess in my own right, and both of those things have gotten just... more... since I ate that Dragon. Mimic got bigger, ''consuming'' more of M-Space, and I''m... Look, I''ve always had a strong troll streak to my nature, and playing around at Lancaster House on Friday was absolute Trickster Gremlin Chaos, and I loved it. My Nefarious Gremlin Plan regarding Marie is more of the same, and not only am I doing it more and harder, I''m absolutely in the zone on all of it too. That''s entirely before I look at the whole Passion and Ecstasy portions of my Portfolio, which, let''s face it, I literally Reveled in those for thirty six hours straight and the entirety of negative side effects from that were a little bit of lightheadedness and some vague mild guilt over leaving some of the folks waiting in line hanging.


    Which is the ostensible reason I''m gonna, at least for the Spring, be spending as many of my Temple''s Revel Days as I can manage at my Temples. Not just the one in Phileo. I mean, I''m gonna start there, don''t get me wrong, but I''m also gonna pay visits to the other ones. If they''re gonna Worship me and give me that cocaine caffeine enema on the regular, the least I can do is give back. So that''s one part of why I think it might be a good thing. Yeah, ostensibly everybody''s lining up to get Touched By A Demigoddess, but just maybe I can actually touch base with them while I''m scrubbing their brains clean of anything but the kind of happy brain chemicals that make a body stop caring that they''re naked, unconscious, and drooling in public.


    That kind of alludes to the third reason, one that I''m not so copacetic about the cause, but absolutely down for the visitation because of it. I''ve spent more and more of my time doing what I think of as ''Goddessing'', or other stuff where I''m not really in touch with the boots on the ground. Hell, I''m even starting to hear really fervent prayers from people devout enough and close enough who are thinking hard enough about what they want me to know. Yeah, Vickerson is a prime example, but I think part of that is because she''s way more coherent than most people. Like, even her panicked thoughts are in words, not just random emotions. Because somehow during the very last bit of the New Years Revel, I knew exactly what the person joining me up on the altar wanted. Man. Woman. Not quite the traditional image of either. Fuzzier. Less fuzzy. Bigger, smaller, taller, shorter, nothing ever that pushed me to the point of feeling ''not me'', but... like the same character drawn by different artists.


    If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.


    Speaking of artists, Raven definitely has a piece of Art in progress in her room. Honestly, it might be done. Can''t wait to see the subject''s face when it''s unveiled.


    So after we got home last night Marie collapsed down to one of her. Once she got the food on the tables, she sat down in my lap and tried to feed me. At which point I made it very clear that she was the one getting stuffed tonight. With food, since she''s made her opinion clear on building up that Maenad madness energy for our Wedding Night. Which was now less than a week away. I was really glad I''d come up with Operation: Maximum Gremlin, because otherwise I''d be just spinning in circles going insane worrying about every little detail.


    Funny part, I''m not even being all that gremlin about it. Just feeling all gremlin when I''m tryna sneak something past Marie. If I actually get away with it, I''m gonna be impressed with myself. I''m also gonna rub it in Marie''s everything if I do. Not in some kind of mean way, but just to make it oh so very clear to her that she and she alone inspired me to new heights of sneaky Trickster Goddess goodness. Which I will then also rub in her everything, but only after the Wedding, because I am so much looking forward to that.


    The three of us ganged up on Marie to scrub her down in the shower before our Bath. Saffron even managed to get some really nice scented soaps that left her smelling... not ''less Marie''. But maybe less Maenad, if that makes sense? Less death and violence, more maternal wifey. Because that''s... that''s just Marie. Funny, if Saffron is my other half? Marie is so definitely our Wife. Like, yes, I am married to Saffron. I am her Wife and she is my Wife, but lets face it, Marie''s littlest claw is Wifier than both of us put together. Makes me wonder if Siobhan really wants a ring collection on her finger, because right at the moment at least, she seems to absolutely adore being a Concubine.


    So after the scrub down, we all pulled her into the Bath, Saffron and Siobhan cuddling up on either side of her, me sliding under her for her to settle back on like a bony, muscly floating pool recliner. When she realized that none of the adults were playing with them, Maze drifted away from the rest of the kids and floated over to join me in supporting her mama. Then Menace noticed and darted over to curl up on Marie''s chest at her very littlest. After that the rest proceeded to glom in wherever they fit.


    We slept in the Bath last night. Wasn''t even about my scars and aches. Which, just to be clear, still ached, even if that ache diminished to near nothing in the heat of the Bath or in the midst of really focused Worship. Made me wonder if I''ll ever have a need to do something like the three of us did the night before the Liberation of Calverton again. Or maybe if the three of them would be down to do that not for any particular reason, but just because.


    As I sat there wondering that, Saffron thought, if nothing else has come up before then, that sounds like a wonderful idea for your birthday, love.


    Before I could think up a coherent reply, all five of my ladies chorused, let it be so.


    When we had the kids in bed, Saffron rolled us all to the Bedroom. Marie looked a little mulish, but Saffron raised a hand and cut her off. "Lie down on the bed. Face down. Now, please. Fianc¨¦e."


    That last word seemed to sandblast Marie''s mulishness away. Saffron shot me a mental image of a book, and while I scrambled to pull Acupuncture for Dummies off the headboard shelf, she pulled out the kit. "You really need this, Kitten?"


    She smiled. "Oh, probably not. But you will. So will Siobhan."


    "Oh, I... had best obey my Mistress, hadn''t I?"


    "You are absolutely correct, Darling. Now, Marie?"


    "Yes?"


    "Relax, and let us continue to prepare you for Friday." Marie tensed just the tiniest bit, then relaxed. "Your Wedding day." Tenser, then more relaxed. "The day we make you our Wife." She kinda melted into the Bed at that point.


    "Well, she''ll be my Mistress then," chimed in Siobhan. Saffron shot her a perfect ''Really, Darling?'' look, but I nudged my tiny tyrant when I felt Marie not just puddle, but blep and start purring.


    We left her pinned like that most of the night. Siobhan and Saffron each draped themselves over unpinned portions of her and napped while I cuddled and hummed songs to her. Way earlier than I think either Saffron or Siobhan wanted to be up, I nudged them awake. "Sadly, ladies, it''s time for our lovely fianc¨¦e to get to work." They sighed and started un-pinning our Maenad while I held her head in my lap and sang nonsense songs to her. When they''d almost finished, I remembered and said, "Marie?"


    "Mmm?"


    "Make sure you let Headmaster Miles and everybody else know you''ll be off duty for at least four weeks."


    "Mmm?" That one came out a little less relaxed.


    I skritched her head, bringing her purr back up to speed, and said, "someone named Marie specifically requested I remove her ability to walk as I fill her with Kittens on our Wedding Night. You can''t very well be doing everything you normally do while you''re being pampered and incapable of self-locomotion."


    So fun making Murder Mittens blush. Especially with something that wasn''t really, in the strictest sense, necessary.


    Because Operation: Maximum Gremlin reached stage two today. I followed Marie around, and by mid-day I''d confirmed that she had a kind of schedule and rhythm to her day. Which meant I absolutely took advantage of that to speak with every Maenad, Smith, Orderly, and Faculty member at the Academy, not to mention a select list of other folks I needed to talk with without Marie knowing. Not just to let them know of Marie''s upcoming honeymoon, but also to get them started on the preparations. We only had four more days to make Marie''s Wedding as perfect as possible, and I was absolutely gonna cheat and get everyone in the world involved in helping me do it.

 Day Six Hundred And Twenty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    I''m definitely feeling some kinda way today. Not sure exactly how or what, but things have me all messed up. I really hope I''m not actually in a manic phase and I''m gonna start spiraling at some point soon. That would just suck, to be crashing at our wedding or on our wedding night. Yeah, Saffron''s installed the manual override endorphin button to stop spirals, but I think I''ve come to realize that it doesn''t really do that. It interrupts them, sure, but it does more to ease the landing than keep the manic high flying going. I still wind up down, but it''s more of a lazy, introspective, quiet down than a self-destructive, angry, painful crash.


    Then again, it could just be an after effect of all the shit that''s happened over the past couple weeks. Got in a couple really big fights with shit that left me less than tip top shape. Ate a being that, according to her bragging, remembered Pangea, and ate at least two pre-mammalian civilizations. Started on real ''this is happening'' wedding planning. Revealed myself as Mimic. Had sex with half a dozen Priestesses whose names I can''t remember. I mean, I know I asked, but my memory for shit that makes sense is awful. Names are absolutely hit or miss, and I think I wound up too focused on making them forget their own names to have a hope in hell of remembering them myself.


    Of course, today I wound up doing something that I think qualifies as a total ''win'', but the fact that I didn''t think to do it until now just, I dunno, I think it''s thrown me for a loop.


    So I spent all day yesterday following all of Marie around, partially to try and memorize her schedule, partially to be able to sneak around where she wasn''t and get everybody on board for making Marie''s wedding day as perfect as Humanly and Human-Adjacenty possible. When we got done for the day, I scooped her up, kissed her, and said, "one Marie, please."


    She grinned at me and said, "Moment." I watched as the rest of her finished up what she was doing, set her work and tools down, then one by one collapsed into the Marie in my arms. I stepped us home, collapsing all but the me in the Homestead kitchen into the me holding Marie, then brought dinner out for everybody. I mean, I did what Marie normally does, which is serving Saffron and I, which also usually covered Siobhan and Marie, then put big platters out on the central serving table, and finished up by filling plates for Isnomi, Daya, and David. Alex, Lindsey, Ria, and Maze were all big enough to serve themselves, as was anybody else who decided to eat at the East House. Okay, if anybody else brought kids small enough they couldn''t serve themselves, they could get them food, too, although I think that covered maybe two or three kids in the entire Homestead.


    The three of us took turns feeding Marie as she grinned and blushed. When I''d made sure Saffron and Siobhan both had enough food to keep them from falling over, we took Marie up to the showers and hit her with another full scrub down. I''d managed to score some of Marie''s spicy honey shampoo, and the three of us took turns scrubbing Marie''s hair. I know everybody always laughs at the ''rinse and repeat'' direction, especially how folks use that to refer to infinite loops, but after the second rinse I realized the first wash hadn''t really gotten her hair fully clean. By the third scrubbing, her hair wound up absolutely bone straight, such a light blonde it wound up pretty much transparent, and so silky smooth I couldn''t stop running my hands through it when I carried her to the Bath.


    "Do you know why we''re putting so much effort into bathing you, lovely Marie?" Saffron asked, toying with the ends of some of Marie''s hair, using it like a brush to tickle her belly.


    "No?"


    "Not sure myself, but you gotta have more than one reason, right Kitten?"


    Saffron gently slapped my hands away where I''d been coming out Marie''s hair. "Spoilsport. But yes." She looked into Marie''s eyes and said, "first and perhaps foremost, I want everyone at our Wedding to see you at your most beautiful. I want every man who sees you to be stunned by your beauty, every woman to envy you for it. Including your spouses to be and our officiant." I started to say something to that, as did Siobhan, but Saffron just rolled over us. "I know that my own envy will be both short lived and tempered by the fact that before the sun rises again, I will have that beauty as my own. When I do, I want to see you and nothing but you. I want the smell of you, just you, to overwhelm my senses." I choked back anything I''d intended to say as Saffron rolled over and somehow managed to cow a willing Marie into submission as she said, "I want to taste you and nothing but you, beloved Marie."


    I glanced around to where Saffron had Co-Located and was playing some kind of counting game with the kids. Holy shit but my Kitten be smooth sometimes. "Finally?" She said, rolling herself atop Marie and bracing her chin on her folded arms, staring into our Maenad''s eyes from right about Marie''s breast level. "When we''ve had our very excessive way with you, and you lie there in our bed, devastated by our collective passion, I want you to look in the mirrors of our Bedroom and know that every single imperfection, from tousled hair to mussed fur, from salty sweat to sticky seed, yes, even blood and bruises both incidental and deliberate, all of it is the result of the consummation of our love for you, my lovely Fianc¨¦e."


    "Holy fuck, Kitten. Can we maybe have a taste of that tonight?"


    "Yes! Please?" Siobhan asked from where she''d snuggled next to me to hold Marie up.


    Saffron smiled at the two of us, then shook her head. "Ladies, Marie has made her position very clear. Let''s not try to force her hand."


    I wheezed out a laugh. "Like that wasn''t... Fuck, Kitten." I blew out a huge breath. "Sorry, Marie. I think Saffron''s tryna work us both up for Friday and Saturday."


    "Of course I am," Saffron chuckled.


    At that point Marie kind of growl-whined, "Watch."


    Saffron smiled at her. "Of course, my Fianc¨¦e. What would you like to watch?"


    Siobhan squeaked as Marie''s claws caught her by the scruff and held her up between Saffron and I. "Practice."


    Saffron''s grin was an absolute incitement to riot as she said, "you want us to practice on Siobhan what we intend for you on our Wedding Night?"


    I barked out a laugh when Siobhan squeaked, then said, "sister, I''m not sure I would survive what they plan for you."


    The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.


    Marie just grinned to match Saffron and growled out, "Control."


    At that point I rolled Marie over, dumping Siobhan and Saffron both into the water, and said, "you know me holding back like that is just gonna make it worse on the night, right?"


    Never thought Marie could grin that big, or blush that hard.


    Siobhan wasn''t exactly in the best shape for work in the morning. On the other hand, she got absolutely intense when I tried to apologize. "First of all, I enjoyed every minute of it. Second, if I am to be Concubine to all three of you, I''d best practice my Skills and Endurance, hadn''t I?" Then she maybe spoiled it by groaning as she put her headdress on, then giggling as she thought about some of the goings on so hard it spilled over to my brain too.


    So today was another day of Marie following and checking in with people about preparations for the Wedding. On top of all that, I spent the day in the Infirmary shadowing Siobhan to make sure the after effects of playing Maenad stand-in didn''t prevent her from getting her duties done. Early on, I Co-Located to Siobhan''s desk and called Ice Pop''s two Cadet Healer trainees over to talk with Grandma and I. "Okay, guys. Here''s the deal. Siobhan''s not gonna be available Friday or Saturday. She might even be out of action on Sunday, depending on how, uh, energetic things get."


    The two Cadets looked a little scandalized, but Grandma just cackled quietly. "They''ve done without her before. They''ll do so again. Better reasons than before, at least."


    I opened my mouth to ask here where she''d be, then realized something. "Uh, Grandma Aetos?" She raised an eyebrow. "Would you sit for us those days? I think Isnomi misses you, and the others ought to get to know you. Gonna go from one... well, two great grandkids to seven as of Friday, right?" Before she could reply, one of those revelations that made me feel some kinda way hit me. "Wait, you''re living here at the Academy, aren''t you?"


    She nodded toward the Infirmary beds. "Sleeping in one of the cots. Close to my work." She smiled at her statement like it was some kind of joke.


    Kitten? I''mma invite your Grandma to the Homestead.


    I... I don''t know if she''ll come, but If you can convince her, that would be wonderful.


    "So, we''ve got the Homestead all set up now. Mostly climate controlled, hot and cold running water, lots of extra bedrooms, biggest fuckin'' bed in the world for everybody to sleep in at night if they''re feeling lonely. Horde of kids who''d love to meet you. Good ones, who''d probably get a kick out of helping you out with anything you need."


    She just stared at me for a little bit. I got a little nervous, and it didn''t help at all when she said, "Isnomi has six sisters now, plus her other playmates. I''m sure she doesn''t think of me at all."


    I shot her a crooked grin. "Either you''re wrong, and you ought to go see her, or you''re right, and she needs to see you."


    She shook her head. "Such a smart ass." If the other two had been shocked by me talking openly about how Siobhan might wind up too exhausted for work on Sunday because of Saturday''s nuptial shenanigans, they spontaneously manifested Lancaster worthy steel rods up their asses at Grandma calling the Champion and Patron of the Alliance a smart ass. "Siobhan tells me you''ve got a Bath set up?"


    "Big enough for everybody to just lie around in. Hot enough to scald Elatha''s asshole. Melts all the aches and pains right the fuck away."


    "You and her," she nodded toward Siobhan, "both soaking in the altogether with my granddaughter?"


    I grinned at her. "The whole family. Saffron, Siobhan, me. The kids, although they don''t so much soak as play around, but the Bath''s big enough for them to play at one end and all we get are some ripples at the other end. So yeah, all of us. Saffron, Siobhan, the kids. Me." I let my grin get a little more suggestive. "Marie."


    Grandma Aetos rolled her eyes and barked out a laugh, even if she coughed a little as she did. Then she shook her head. "This I have to see. Hot Bath sounds nice, too."


    I swear the trainees were gonna have aneurisms when I said, "Grandma Aetos! Are you gonna leer at your granddaughter''s fianc¨¦e?"


    She shoved herself to her feet. I moved to help her, but she waved me off as she toddled over to lift up a satchel and sling it over her shoulder. Like, mega big purse sized, or school backpack sized. She turned back to me, held out a hand, and said, "prolly gonna leer at her Wife and Concubine too. I''m old, not dead."


    I took her hand and said, "okay, Cadets, looks like you two are gonna be in charge Friday through Sunday." The me next to Siobhan leaned in and said, "sorry, Darling. I think I just stole your main assistant away."


    She looked up at me and frowned. "Did you Just Happen to one of my Cadets?"


    I laughed out, "no, no, no. Grandma. She''s coming back to the Homestead."


    "Oh! Well, that''s for the best. She should spend more time with her Great Grandchildren." She lowered her voice and some of the smile she''d gained when I told her what I intended melted away as she leaned in close to murmur, "she''s very old. I''m not sure how long she has left, but I think it far better that she spend it with the youngest of her family rather than here with Cadets who might or might not remember her a decade from now."


    I hugged her, took Grandma''s hand, and stepped to the Courtyard of the Homestead, where the kids were running around playing some kind of running, screaming, chaotic chasing game. "Oi! Menace! Look who''s here!"


    Isnomi turned, and the look on her face when she saw Grandma Aetos was worth any amount of effort. Eyes wide, grinning from ear to ear, she pelted toward us screaming, "GWAMMA!"


    Half a dozen feet from us she leapt, and I barely got an arm in the way to intercept her, spinning her around once, then holding her up to look her in the eyes. "No tackle glomping Grandma, Menace!"


    "Ah Tay!" She wriggled around to hold her arms out to Grandma Aetos, shrinking down to her smallest as Grandma reached out and took her from me.


    "My girl. Look how much you''ve... Grown?"


    Isnomi just giggled as her sisters jogged up to us. "I growed big! I gotted my own woom! I even gotted a theyah thing!" Right about then Isnomi slithered down Grandma''s front, but kept one one of Grandma''s hands clutched in her own. "C''mon, Gwamma! I thow you owah wooms!"


    I stepped over and quietly asked, "d''you need a hand? Or a lift?"


    I swear I choked on my own spit when she looked me in the eye and said, "I''m a little old for you to try picking me up, aren''t I?"


    Then she walked off cackling in the midst of a gaggle of kids, all of them vying for her attention in their own ways.


    So that added another me to my tally for the day. Still can''t do more than kinda stand there staring or doing boring repetitive shit I don''t have to think of with more than one of me, but I''m keeping a dozen up following the Maries, plus another half dozen for wedding planning, one in the Infirmary keeping tabs on our very tired and sore Siobhan, and one following Grandma and the horde hoard around the house as they showed off their rooms. Most of which were still pretty bare, but they all had a bed and an armoire. Okay, Maze had her tub, and most of the beds looked like they''d been jumped on more than slept on, and all of the armoires except Ria''s stood open with very few outfits in them, but they had them.


    And Grandma Aetos nodded thoughtfully and complimented something about each kid''s room.


    Kind of proud of my kiddos. You''d expect a horde of hyperactive single digit aged kids would wind up getting bored or tryna hurry her up or, y''know, something like that, but nope, they all moved more or less at her speed, two of them holding her hands most of the time. Alex and Lindsey helped her up the steps to the upper hallway, where she left her satchel in the ''guess room'' closest to the Bath. The kids showed off our fancy indoor toilet.


    When the sun approached the horizon and I called out, "dinner time!" the kids all wavered between sticking with Grandma and charging off, so I said, "I''ll help Grandma down to the dining room. You kids go wash up. You''re all sticky."


    "Am not!" called Alex.


    "Sticky! Sticky, sticky, sticky! Go wash!"


    They all groaned, but lit out for the Bath, intending to wash their hands in the shower taps, I guess. I gook Grandma''s hand and stepped her down to the dining room, settling her in Saffron''s chair. "Sorry. They''re a bit much."


    She just looked up at me, then smiled softly. "Kids only are if you''re doing it right."

 Day Six Hundred And Twenty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    Funny how people will follow traditions even when they don''t make any sense. Like, I get it, a lot of stupid little traditions are just fun ways to connect with the folks around you. Trick or Treat lets the neighborhood kids meet all the neighborhood adults and vice versa, which is normally a good thing. All of the gift giving holidays are ways to share with folks you care about, to connect with them in little ways.


    Then there are the ffood holidays. Summer feasts are usually celebrating the first big harvests after Spring. Harvest feasts in the Autumn let everybody pack on a few pounds for the winter. Yule lets you finish off the stuff that''s gonna go bad before it does, Spring Solstice feasting lets you commiserate with everybody else about how badly bare the cupboard is, and maybe lets everybody share what they''ve got, so if we ran out of veggies before meat, and the neighbors ran out of meat before fruit, and the ones on the other side ran out of fruit before veggies, and the guy across the street has nothing but cereal, we can all get together and even if everybody''s a little hungry, nobody''s gonna die because they''re missing their essential vitamins and minerals.


    Okay, maybe everybody''s gonna be a little malnourished, but even shared suffering can help a community bond. Like I said, that''s what a lot of traditions are about, bonding a community together, because Humans are social primates. Hell, Human Adjacent people are too, even if some of them get a little off on either the ''social'' or the ''primate''. Sidhe and Trolls come to mind for the former and latter. Although that''s not really fair. Sidhe aren''t anti-social. If anything, they''re like autistic folks whose whole Special Interest is Proper Social Behavior.


    Huh. That makes me wonder if Ria and Cailyn aren''t as Sidhe as their mom for some reason, or if maybe she''s just set in her ways because she''s old as fuck. Now I''m also wondering if Tallulah is anywhere near as old as Marie. Like, I don''t think she''s as old, but... I''m sure she''s got to be twice Cailyn''s age, and Cailyn is... decades? I don''t think she''s over a century. I''d ask Ria, but I think that might get weird.


    At any rate, I''m not against tradition as a rule, but sometimes real life is a round peg that does not fit in tradition''s square shaped hole, no matter what the video says.


    So last night dinner was kinda weird. I''d say awkward, but for whatever reason Grandma Aetos decided she didn''t want to sit through an awkward dinner, so instead of making us feel weird about spoiling Marie, she mostly got a weird kind of parallel treatment from all the kids, and made offhand little comments whenever Marie seemed like she might in some way stop blushing about all three of us taking turns pampering her. Like I said, a little bit weird for a little old lady to be soft trolling our bride-to-be, especially what with the old lady being the grandmother of my wife, but it wound up not being bad weird.


    Best one liner of the night had to be when the kids, which mostly meant Isnomi and Alex, were complaining something about ''bear stew again'', Grandma Aetos hushed them by saying, "bear''s better than fish, even if it is a little gamey. Not as gamey as feline, though, if you don''t wash it real good before you eat it."


    I almost dropped the spoon headed for Marie''s mouth at that, and barely managed to save it a second time when Menace chimed in with, "yeah, theyah thingth tathte nathty!"


    At that point Ria turned to Isnomi and, brows drawing down, said, "you didn''t eat one of our Steeds, did you?"


    Menace got all of the shifty in her eyes when she said, "no?"


    "Then how do you know what they taste like?''


    "Because... uh... I''m hungry!" She then filled her mouth with stew and didn''t stop shoveling it in until it was time to go get washed up.


    Of course, now I want to know exactly how my two year old knows what Fae Steeds taste like. I mean, a goat is one thing, but a whole assed not-horse thing is something else entirely. Although now that I think about it, she''s right, they do have a lot of feline going on, now that I think about it.


    When everybody''d eaten their fill, I took Grandma''s hand and stepped the five of us up to the Bath. Saffron stepped away to help Grandma undress, but before they got too far the kids stormed into thee room and took over. I tried really hard not to stare, and mostly succeeded. Gotta hand it to Grandma, she managed to field all the questions about why she had wrinkles, or saggy bits, or just generally why she looked all decrepit pretty fuckin'' well. Mostly just by bluntly pointing out that she''s old as shit.


    Weirdest thing had to be Ria, who looked low key horrified by the whole concept of getting old. Then again, it''s not something she ever has to worry about, apparently. But Grandma didn''t seem upset or even put off by that. She just ruffled Ria''s hair a little, smiled, and said, "don''t get as old as me if you can avoid it. Live as long as you can, but," she turned and sighed as the hot water from the shower sluiced over her, rinsing off the soap from where the bigger girls had helped with her back and the haphazard job the littler girls had done helping her scrub her legs. "Stay young as long as you can, too. It''s no fun when things stop working."


    As we moved to the Bath, I murmured to Siobhan, "is there anything you can do for her, Ice Pop?"


    She shook her head. "I''m sorry." She looked at Saffron, who''d rejoined us once Grandma had the horde hoard surrounding her. "Truly sorry, but she''s not ill. Not injured. Just... old. So very old. Were she Dan, she would still be elderly, but she''s Human. It''s something of a miracle she''s lived this long."


    I pulled Saffron into a hug. "Say the word, Kitten. Dad owes me plenty of favors. Shit, I''m sure Marie would make you a Maenad if you want."


    "Yes."


    She snorted at me. "Oh, please. I''ve at least two decades yet before I need to worry about that. I''m Bag, not a literal cat."


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    "For your Grandma, then?"


    Saffron''s gaze slowly dropped. After a long moment, she shook her head, a single convulsive jerk. "No. Not... not by my decision. You''re welcome to make the offer to her, if you like." She looked up, shooting Marie a wry smile. "I''m not sure Marie could do the same."


    I hadn''t often seen Marie look guilty, but just now she did. "no" Her whisper almost didn''t make it to me.


    "Hey, not your fault, Mittens. You didn''t set up the rules on making new Maenads, did you?"


    "No."


    "So you''re not responsible for them. I''m pretty sure it wouldn''t work if you started banging somebody just to turn them, would it?"


    She got a speculative look, but shook her head. "No?"


    Saffron snorted. "Not like Grandma would be up to Reveling with a Maenad at her age."


    Right then Grandma''s voice cut through the chatter of the kids around her. "Heck of a way to go, though."


    None of the kids had any fuckin'' clue what she was talking about, and none of us could stop laughing long enough to explain. Not even Saffron, Mom Extraordinaire and Face Tanker of Hard Questions.


    When thee laughter eventually died down and the kids went back to playing games and waiting on Grandma, Saffron murmured, "so, my beautiful soon to be wife, did you like the preview of your fate Saturnday?" Marie blushed a little and nodded. "Would you like to see more?" Marie blepped.


    I pulled Siobhan into a hug. "What do you think? You recovered from yesterday yet?"


    She smiled goofily then said, "I am absolutely not, and I absolutely want to anyhow."


    I wound up having to carry Siobhan to work this morning and settle her in to her seat at her desk. "I think maybe we pushed you a little too hard, Darling."


    She smiled up at me despite looking a little haggard, then winced as her butt hit the seat. "Nonsense. I can think and Shape just fine."


    I grinned down at her. "Yeah, but can you walk?"


    She grinned right back at me. "I can think and Shape just fine." Marie? A moment later I got a little feedback as one of me followed one of Marie into the Infirmary. Siobhan waved her down and quietly asked, "it was your heartfelt wish to have Tabitha remove your ability to walk on Saturnday, wasn''t it?" Marie blushed and nodded. "Well then." She turned to me. "Last night''s fun ought to work. Just more, and probably more vigorous. Marie is, after all, far more durable than I."


    Then she reached up, pulled Marie down, and kissed her right there in the Infirmary. Definitely took the two Cadets by surprise, especially when Marie started to purr. I looked at them and said, "yeah, Sister Siobhan and Marie have a lot more in common than you might think."


    So while one of me stuck around the Homestead, bopping between Marie in the kitchen and Grandma Aetos with the kids, while another of me hung around Siobhan acting as her feet and hands where needed, but mostly needling her trainees, most of me followed Marie around all day and checked in on the wedding plans. Right up until after lunch, that is. At that point the Marie watching over Saffron stepped up to her, lay a hand on her shoulder, and said, "Come."


    "So forceful. Right here?" Saffron murmured, then flashed Marie a smile before looking out at the gathered Grand Council members. "Ladies, Gentlemen, I am needed elsewhere. I will return as soon as I''m able."


    "Go on then," laughed Mrs. Driver. "We''ll be fine for a while on our own. We''re Grand Councilpersons, not children. Even if some of us act like it sometimes."


    Saffron nodded, and Marie stepped the three of us to the basement of the Academy. A few moments later a couple other Maenads joined us and before we knew what hit us, they''d stripped us down to underwear. Okay, stripped Saffron down to underwear and me down to my normal lack thereof. Then just as quickly and efficiently they slipped boxers and undershirts onto us, then fancy shirts, slacks, shiny shoes, cummerbunds, and jackets. They even put swanky top hats on us. I glanced at Saffron at one point, and the sight of her in the tuxedo from Raven''s drawing hit me so hard I didn''t even notice when one of the Maenads hissed at me a little bit and turned my head back to face front while they pinned things and marked them.


    "Saffron?"


    "Yes, Tabitha?"


    "I want you in that Tux."


    "Well, I''m certain we''ll have the opportunity Saturnday."


    "Yeah, no, that''s Marie''s day. Birthday maybe?"


    Saffron just chuckled at me, the sound crushed velvet against my Soul, not to mention other parts. "Like this?" Her voice dropped, and he said, "or like this?"


    He laughed as I whimpered and the Maenads hissed until Saffron switched back to herself. At that point I looked at Marie, who''d been orchestrating the whole thing, and asked, "so, when do we get to see you in your dress?"


    "Friday."


    Saffron snorted. "You mean you don''t have that tradition either?"


    "Which one?"


    "The groom isn''t supposed to see the bride in her dress before the wedding."


    I shot Saffron a booger look before being chivvied back to face front. "Groom? I''m a groom now? Aren''t we all three brides?"


    Saffron just snorted her opinion of that. Then followed up said snort with, "do I look like a bride?"


    "You always look like a bride to me, Kitten. Forever and always."


    I heard the blush in her voice when she said, "Fine. Whatever. We''re still not wearing dresses. So the tradition doesn''t apply."


    "So it''s still bad luck for the bride to see the bride in her wedding dress before the wedding?"


    "Correct."


    "But not for the bride to see her brides in their tuxedos?"


    I watched the Maenads get annoyed as she nodded, their gazes tracking the movement of her head. "Now you''re getting it."


    I couldn''t help it, I laughed. "I ain''t getting nothing of the sort. Only thing I''m getting is the two hottest Wives in the Alliance in my Bedroom Saturnday night."


    "You mean three," Saffron corrected me.


    Marie, like she always does, ended my argument before I even started. "Yes."


    Took like half an hour for Marie and her Maenad assistants to get our tuxes marked up for final adjustments. I''d say I''m not sure why it took so long, given how quickly Marie managed to custom fit my uniforms back in the day, but then I can''t really say the uniforms were ''custom fitted''. More ''one size fits all, tailored just enough not to get in the way''.


    As they stripped the tuxes off us far more carefully than they''d pulled off our clothing, Saffron asked, "do you really want that? For your birthday?"


    "You in that tux? Oh, fuck yes."


    "Both ways?"


    "How would Siobhan put it? Oh, yeah, ''Yes, please!''"


    Saffron just chuckled, that dark velvet rubbing against my brainpan. "Conditions..."


    "Done."


    "Oh, no, Goof. You''ll hear these, and accept them, and think about them often between now and then."


    "Yes, Ma''am. Done. Yes, Dear." My mouth had taken over and was just spouting affirmations of Short Stack Saffron Supremacy in an effort to ensure my eventual Tuxedo devastation.


    They finished with her before they got the tux entirely off of me, and she stepped over and ran a hand along my arm. "First, no complaining about any other gifts. We give, you say ''thank you'' and accept. Understood?"


    "Yep. Absolutely. Got it. No complaining. Just taking."


    "Or being taken. Now, as to this birthday in particular, you''ll be wearing yours, too." I nodded. "Both ways." I glanced over at her, and she Grinned that inhibition disintegrating Grin of hers. "I rather expect after four times they''ll be in desperate need of repairs." I swallowed, trying to come up with a witty response, but she cut me off with, "yours definitely will when Marie''s done with you."


    "Yes."


    I may be a Goof and an S plus plus tier dumbass, but I knew the only appropriate response to that. "Yes, dears."

 Day Six Hundred And Twenty-Six

    Dear Diary,


    Y''know, up until Saffron mentioned the groom thing yesterday I hadn''t really thought about it. Honestly, my own reaction surprised me a little, and the fact that it hasn''t gotten any less vehement since then is... not exactly weirding me out, but is definitely telling me things about myself. Or maybe confirming things about myself? It''s definitely given me shit to think about, about things I previously thought I''d had ironclad answers to. Which is kinda weird, because as a kid I always thought that''s what it meant to become an adult; to have all the answers, at least about yourself. Like, if you''re an adult you know whether you''re cis, trans, or fluid, Gay, Sapphic, or Pan, Mono, Poly, or whatever''s in the middle of that spectrum.


    But honestly I''m coming to realize that growing up and calcifying are two entirely different things, and I think they might be like love and jealousy. Like, you can''t really love someone if you give in to jealousy about them, because the jealousy is going to get in the way of both seeing them as they are and making the best choices for them. It''s the same with growing up; you can''t really do it if you calcify. You can''t grow, let alone grow up, if you can''t change. Growing up isn''t a process of hardening into an unchanging mass of whatever, it''s a process of learning, of growing, of changing, of becoming a better version of yourself.


    I don''t even want to say ''best'' version, because that''s constantly changing too. Back in the day at Eastside, the best version of me wouldn''t have been able to bench press a dump truck, which I''m pretty sure I can do at this point. Entirely for economic reasons the best me back then couldn''t have supported a community of multiple dozen people, whether singlehandedly or with my partner or partners.


    Y''know, that''s one of the things that I''ve come to realize about myself, one that Saffron worked hard to help me not just realize, but accept. My natural state isn''t a single partner. It''s partners. I never looked at a single person back in the day and said, ''yes, this person will fulfill all of my needs forever''. The thought kind of stifled me. I mean, yeah, Saffron. Always Saffron. But like within a week of us hooking up we had that whole conversation about exclusivity, and then I had her and Marie, and now we''ve got Siobhan, and all of us mean different things to each other, but we''re all partners. We are a family, and two days from now Saffron and I will make that especially official with Marie. If Siobhan never wants to trade that collar for a ring, I''m fine with that, but I think we''ve made it completely clear that she''s our partner in every meaningful way. She isn''t just some ultimately disposable toy we play with.


    I mean, yes, she is definitely a toy, and holy hell do I love playing with her, but she has made it very clear to all three of us that she finds being played with like that exhilarating and fulfilling. I think maybe it''s because somewhere in her brain it absolves her of any kind of responsibility for her desire. She''s physically aroused and pleased by the things we do when we play with her, but she gets to think of it as something she''s doing for us, so she doesn''t feel greedy for wanting it so much. I dunno, maybe we''ll have to work through that at some point. But if everybody involved is okay with it, and we are, and nobody''s getting harmed in any kind of lasting, negative way, which is actually kinda tough with a bona fide Healer as part of our little family, I can''t see where it''s a terrible thing to just roll with it for the time being.


    But yesterday the whole ''bride'' thing hit me from a half dozen directions. Like, I could totally do the wedding in boy mode, but even if I did, and I''m definitely still me when I''m rocking boy mode hard, it''s not a core part of my identity. A wedding is a permanent thing. It''s about joining who you are to who somebody else is. Seriously, I''ve done the deed with as many people as I have since Saffron and I worked out the poly thing, and most of them are just friends with the C-suite benefits package, because if you get me you''re probably gonna get Saffron and Marie too if you''re interested, and if you''re not a guy you might get to play with our toy, too. None of them are life partners. No wedding needed or desired. Shit, if Lachlan wanted to move in, I''d be sort of okay with it, if only because that would mean Menace gets more time with Liam, and the two of them seemed thick as thieves when we lived at Lancaster House. But he wouldn''t be our partner. Not at this point.


    Fuck, if I''m constantly learning and growing, maybe someday he will be. Probably not, though. I think I''d prefer Panther. Which is kinda baking my noodle to admit to myself even, but here we are.


    At any rate, the ''bride'' versus ''groom'' thing. I''m a woman who sometimes, when the mood hits me just right, or one of my partners needs me to be, is a guy. A man, in the physical sense, and I don''t feel uncomfortable being one while I am. But it''s entirely a transitory state. I am, at the core of me, a woman. So when I go to a ceremony that''s bonding me to another person? I''m gonna be a bride, not a groom. Of course, if I look half as hot as Saffron does in that Tux? I can totally see why she wants me in it.


    Honestly, that''s the one part of the whole deal that has me more weirded out and asking questions that I never thought I''d have to ask. I totally get why she''d want me in the Tux. I totally want her in that Tux. I am absolutely talking about her in boy mode railing normal woman me, and I''m almost as fired up about me doing the same to her. Us going at it Sapphic style in our tuxes is just kinda melting most of my brain as I think about it. Which leaves that last bit. I mean, I''m a Pan Woman who is sometimes a Man. But thus far every time I''ve been in boy mode, I''ve been doing stuff with Saffron or Marie. Wait, or Lily. I totally did Lily like that. But it''s always been me as a guy with a woman. Even Saffron''s four horse hitch was me as one of four guys doing one woman.


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    I''m not the kind of insecure dude who has to say ''no homo'' whenever some dude comes in contact with any portion of my boy suit, but up until now I''ve really thought about doing a dude as a dude. Just did not cross my mental horizon. Well, not until boy mode Saffron in that Tux stepped over the fucking horizon, and I''m pretty sure the Maenads are gonna have to wash those boxers they had me in, and the thought of us going at it Yaoi mode is kinda making me drool just a little. Which is probably for the best, because that''s still sixth, even when one of the other orifices isn''t currently extant. Sounding is an absolute non-starter.


    Fuck, okay, if Saffron comes at me with a fuckin'' acupuncture needle, I''m totally gonna go back on that, but... Saffron. Always Saffron. At some point she''s gonna be all counting in the bedroom and I''m gonna totally miss the cues until she whispers ''sixth'', and then demolishes my entire worldview, along with aforementioned orifice.


    So that whole conversation? Let me know that gender wise, I''m a woman who is, when I need to be or feel like it, a man. It also let me know that orientation wise, I''m Pan no matter what my present gender or gender presentation is.


    I also realized that I''m maybe a little bit butch. Yeah, I rock The Dress, and I''ve even worn Glowing Midnight once or twice, but I think even the Yandere Shobitch Wedding Gown might be a little too girly for me.


    I mean, I''m totally gonna wear it at some point. Yes, absolutely for carnal activities with Saffron, Marie, Siobhan, and anybody else who gets lucky enough to join us for that. But like I''ve mentioned before, I''m both fluid and do shit all the time just because I can and people think or say I can''t.


    All that kinda rolled through my head over the past day, kinda sloshing back and forth through my brain as we all ate dinner, then rolled up to the Bath. Grandma Aetos seemed like she really enjoyed just relaxing in the bath, so I took a turn playing with the kids. I mean, they still wandered over to talk to her, and she still dispensed wisdom and snark in equal measure, but it was a sort of one on one, breaks in between thing. I think at one point she started to nod off. I tapped her with the Boon so she wouldn''t drown, because that would just suck.


    I think maybe she might want to eventually sleep in her own room, in her own bed, but for the moment Marie and I have been helping her to the middle of the big round bed, where the kids kind of pile up around her.


    Middle of the day Marie pulled Saffron and I back to the Academy basement to check the fit of our tuxes. I realized when Marie had the Maenads spin me so she could see how the tuxedo looked on me when I moved, Saffron had not, in fact, hit peak tuxedo hotness yesterday. When I got a look at her now that the tuxedo had gotten its final tailoring, I tripped over my own feet, and would have faceplanted right into her cleavage or crotch or something, but she caught me under the shoulders and carefully stood me back up.


    "Like what you see?" I nodded. It took me a little bit to find my voice, and before I did he stood there and growled out, "how about now?"


    "Birthday?" I whimpered.


    "Remember," he reached in and pulled me into boy-mode, and holy shit I was not one fucking whit less attracted.


    "Yes, dear." I felt some kind of almost guilty way and whispered, "still sixth."


    He just chuckled, and I almost messed my boxers right there as he reached up and lay his palm against my cheek. "Would you feel slighted if I swallowed you each and every time on your birthday?"


    "Fuck. No."


    He leaned in, pulled me down, and whispered, "so why are you apologizing for your plans to do that to me?" Then he kissed me.


    When I came up for air, both of us were back in our normal configuration. Suddenly guilty, I turned to Marie and said, "shit, I''m sorry, Marie. These are for your wedding, and I..."


    She lay a claw across my mouth. "Deliberate." At that point Saffron started laughing too hard to explain, so I had to stand there tryna figure it out myself.


    When it hit me, I looked back at Saffron, who nodded as the Maenads carefully disrobed her. Then I turned back to Marie. "You want me looking at her, getting all worked up, and her at me, all through the wedding, because you know we''re totally gonna take it all out on you afterward?"


    She nodded, and I couldn''t resist. I pulled her down and kissed her, slipping to boy mode halfway through. Okay, I kinda kissed her one way, then kissed her again the other way, and with every moment her grin got wider. When the Maenads approached to take the tuxedo off of me, I pulled her down further to growl into her ear, "hope you''re ready to be more mommish, because you are absolutely gonna be with child by Sunday."


    It''s so fun making her smile, making her blush, making her purr. Doing all three at once? Priceless.


    Back at the house, I worried about Grandma a little. At first I worried because I hadn''t noticed her using the toilet. I actually kinda asked Siobhan about it at the Infirmary. Her reply wasn''t incredibly copacetic making. "She doesn''t eat a lot, Tabitha. Hasn''t the entire time I''ve known her. Enough to be social. Enough to comment on the food and compliment Marie. But... not so much that she needs a toilet or chamber pot very frequently."


    Yeah, I remember my mom. Maybe I''m just thinking about how during chemo and the last stages her appetite went away. Probably just me being paranoid, because I''ve lost people before. Might be why I fight so hard here and now when someone or something tries to take one of my people away.


    Shit, if all I can do for her is make sure the rest of her life is spent comfortably surrounded by great grandkids who adore her, then give her a ride to whatever afterlife she wants, that''s what the fuck Im gonna do.


    And if she decides she wants to kick back at Valhalla or the Elysian Fields, I will just have to explain to Odin or Zeus that''s where she''s gonna live out her afterlife.


    Explain them into bite sized fuckin'' pieces if I have to.

 Day Six Hundred And Twenty-Seven

    Dear Diary,


    I''m getting married tomorrow. I am getting married tomorrow. Like, holy shit, I''m gonna be standing at the altar and Marie''s gonna come walking down the aisle and Siobhan''s gonna say some stuff and Saffron''s gonna say ''I do'' and I''m gonna say ''I do'', and we''re gonna exchange rings because we''ve got those this time and we''re gonna be fuckin'' married.


    Yes, I am freaking out. Yes, this is a deliberate decision on my part to let go of the pretend calm I''ve been clutching with both hands because if I''d done this before it would just have built up again, and if I don''t do it now I''ll wind up doing it tomorrow and that''s just not fair to Marie.


    Shit, is this another part of growing up, of becoming or being an adult? I mean admitting to, owning, and controlling my freak out panic attacks just enough to get myself to a safe space where nobody, hopefully including me, is gonna get hurt by them. I think maybe it is. I think maybe I, Tabitha Diaz, perpetual delinquent, am actually growing up. I mean, I guess ''grown up'' to a degree, to the point that I can actually manage my condition even this much.


    Listen to me. ''Manage my condition''. Like I''m actually seeing a therapist or shit like that, and have a hope in hell of sorting out what my fuckin'' condition is. I mean, I did see a therapist a couple times way back in the day, but their diagnosis looked like they just checked all the boxes and called it a day. Which, now that I think about it, might not have been so much ''them giving up'' as ''them accurately describing my mental state after my mom died, leaving me an orphan who''d been basically raised by the streets since my mom spent all her time working''. Kinda almost wish I could see her again. My therapist, that is. I mean, yeah, I''d love to see my mom again, that much was made pretty clear by my reaction to Sigyn looking like my mom. But I kinda wish I could see that therapist again and get her opinion on whether I''m actually making progress, actually healing and adapting and growing, or if I''m just fooling myself.


    Of course, while I don''t have a therapist here and now, I do have parents. Which is not the same thing, but when one is a Deity of Hearth and Home and the other is a Deity of Marital Devotion, I''d say that qualifies them to drop some serious truth bombs about the potential goings on on Friday.


    With that in mind, as I escorted Grandma to the dinner table, I thought, hey Dad, you mind if I drop by tomorrow?


    Sigyn asks that you come in the afternoon, as she''ll be attending to her duties in the morning.


    Hey, did you pass up the opportunity for a pun that would put brain bleach requiring images in my head?


    He chuckled. You seemed disturbed by something, and I thought perhaps that sort of humor wasn''t the best response. Although if that''s what you wanted, she is right here after all. He shot me an image of yoinking a giggling Sigyn into his lap and wrapping an arm around her.


    Nope, no need. Thanks, Dad. You''re the best!


    I cut the connection in the middle of his, I know.


    At that point Grandma looked at me and said, "talking to your Patron?"


    "How can you tell?"


    "Your lips move. Nervous about tomorrow?"


    I blinked. "Yeah. How can you tell?"


    She grinned up at me, an echo of one of Saffron''s. Or maybe Saffron''s were an echo of hers. She had to learn them somewhere, after all. "Your lips move." Then she cackled for a moment, but lay a hand on mine so I didn''t move away. "You getting cold feet?"


    I tilted my head as I thought about that. "Nah. Cold feet means I don''t want to or some shit like that. This is more a combination of ''I can''t believe I''m doing this'', ''I can''t believe this is happening to me'', and ''I''m afraid I''m gonna screw this up, and it''s important''. But I definitely want to do it."


    "Why?"


    My mouth hung open for a second. "Because she''s the wifiest wife who ever wifed, and I want to make it clear that I want her as my Wife now and forever?"


    The look she gave me took any accusation from her words. "And Saffron?"


    I blew out a lungful of air. "Saffron. Saffron is my better half. My reason for living. My light, my air, my everything."


    Grandma just smiled up at me. "I meant how does she feel about Marie."


    "Oh! Yeah, uh, same same on wanting to wife the wifiest wife who ever wifed. Plus," I realized something just then, and I couldn''t tell if it disappointed or amused me more. "I think she wants to taunt Dionysus about... things. Marie''s his favorite, and now she''s gonna be, y''know, ours."


    "Yours?"


    "Definitely ours." I think I''d misunderstood her question by the look on her face, but she just shook her head, then said, "I meant why can''t you believe it."


    "Why can''t i believe I''m doing it? Uh, because I''ve got a terminal fear of commitment and ceremony."


    She looked around the room at the small herd of kids, then back up at me, her eyebrow going up. "Fear of commitment, huh? Ceremony I can see, but commitment?"


    My face heated. "Okay, maybe I''ve gotten over that one."


    She started lauhging, barely choking out, "what about it happening to you?"


    I shrugged. "Oh, that''s easy. Saffron is adorable hotness personified. Marie is beautiful and the wifiest wife ever to wife. I''m just, y''know, me."


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    "A literal Love Goddess."


    She didn''t say anything beyond that, and she dropped that line with the kind of deadpan delivery that left me standing there staring at her until the ladies arrived and the me helping Marie with dinner followed her into the room. I turned, split myself one more time as assorted other mes stared collapsing into me, stole her big food tray away from her and scooped her up into my arms. "So, what''d you make for the last dinner you''re cooking for a while?"


    "What?"


    I tilted her until I could kiss her, then with our foreheads pressed together walked over to my place at the table. "Pam. Per. Ing. You are getting pampered for our entire honeymoon, you big wifey nerd you. That means no work. Nothing like work. just getting all the nice things done for you by other people."


    She blushed and purred, and we settled in to eat.


    At Bath time, Siobhan joined Grandma, playing secretary for her so she didn''t get too swamped with kids. Meanwhile Saffron lay face down atop Marie, chin on her folded arms, staring into her eyes. I almost missed what she was saying, because I kept getting distracted by her butt stucking out of the water. I think the only reason Marie didn''t was that Saffron''s face blocked that partciular view.


    "So, fiancee. While she''s busy, is there anything in particular you expect from our Concubine on your wedding night?"


    Marie floated there for a while, eventualy replying, "Kiss."


    She got us both with that. Saffron slumped, smiling, as I felt myself do the same. Sadge. Between both of us relaxing, Saffron''s ass-lantis sank beneath the waves. "Well, we''d best make sure that happens, hadn''t we, love?"


    "Absolutely. Anything else, Mittens?"


    She put in another long think while her arms slipped up around Saffron, damming ass-lantis to permanent submersion. Then she managed to murmur decisively, "Company."


    I didn''t get it, but Saffron stiffened just a little. I think more surprise than anything, but then she said, "kisses I''m certain you''ll get, but that might take some convincing." Mittens'' face fell, but Saffron nudged her with her nose. "I didn''t say no, lovely Marie."


    Marie seemed to take that as an acceptable compromise, and they sealed it with a kiss. I kind of surprised myself when I did not, in fact, get a kiss after that, but did not in any way feel some kinda way. Instead I just scooped them both up and carried them over to the locker room where warmed towels waited for us. I mean, I still got inspired to some mischief. I flipped them over so Marie lay atop Saffron in my arms, and my brilliant bodacious beauty caught on immediately, slipping Marie''s legs around her so she held her up when I set Saffron on her feet. I toweled them both dry, nudging them over to one wall where Saffron held Marie pinned while I dried off.


    Yeah, we did absolutely nothing beyond that tonight. Anticipation is hot.


    She did also explicitly say she didn''t want to be able to walk after Saturnday, too, so there''s that.


    I spent the morning shadowing Marie, but mostly focused on playing with he kids and making sure Grandma was okay. She definitely knew kid management, but our horde hoard was maybe a little bit rambunctious, each one trying their hardest to impress the newest adult in the household. Luckily, I managed to catch Menace when she said something snide to Alex when the bigger girl couldn''t catch her when they were playing chase. Before Grandma could react, I scooped her up and stepped up to my office.


    "I''m disappointed in you, kiddo."


    "I sowwy." She looked a little guilty, but I realized what she''d been doing, and called her out on it.


    "Not just about what you said to Alex." The guilty look got deeper, although some surprise joined it. "Doing bad stuff, especially bad stuff that hurts your sisters? That''s not the right way to get Grandma''s attention."


    Real contrition painted her face now. "Sowwy, Mama."


    I scooped her up. "Now, when we get back down there, you apologize to Alex, too, right?" She nodded. "And don''t try pulling that kind of stuff. I did it enough for both of us. I''m not gonna miss when you do it."


    "Oh Tay, Mama."


    I stepped us back down, she apologized to Alex, and from then on that particular bit of kid awful died down to background levels. Definitely a good idea to know who the chief troublemaker is, and cut them off early. Which surprised me at myself, because that sounded like actual decent momming.


    At lunch I hit the Academy Cafeteria and found Vickerson. "Hey, Cadet. How''s it going?" She shrugged, engaged in the Cadet critical refueling proccess where she sat between Citron and Hildegarde. If Citron''s table manners were better, his portions certainly weren''t any smaller. "Need you for something tomorrow."


    She set down her spoon. "What did you need, Ma''am?"


    "You know about the wedding tomorrow?"


    She smiled up at me. "I''m not deaf and blind, so yes."


    I smiled to let her know her mild snark didn''t bother me, even as Hildegard smiled around her spoon and Citron looked a little scandalized. "Yeah, our kids are gonna be part of it, but we''re gonna be a little busy to wrangle them. Their great grandmother will be there to help, but she''s not exaclty spry, so I need you to be her hands and legs for the day."


    She''d tangled with the horde hoard before. "I''ll do my best, Ma''am."


    I nodded. "I''ll be bringing someone else in too. High Prestess Smith."


    Vickerson''s shoulders sagged with relief at the mention of reinforcements, then tightened back up when I told her who. "Thank you, Ma''am."


    I squeezed my protege''s shoulder and said, "don''t worry, Cadet. She doesn''t bite. Unless you''re into that and ask very nicely."


    I stepped away to the Temple of Love while Hildegarde sprayed food laughing and Citron choked a bit. Karen, you around?


    Little, um, involved. I''ll be right with you?


    I tasted the flustered emotions in her and thought back, don''t let me interrupt. Need you for babysitting assistance tomorrow and Saturnday. Maybe Sunday too. Grandma Aetos can mostly manage the kids, but she needs hands and legs if they get out of hand.


    I caught a tiny bit of pleased embarrassment, then, you can count on me, Goddess.


    Thanks, Karen. Have fun with your involvement!


    I stepped over to Loki and Sigyn''s while Karen gabbled, then chuckled about my parting quip. I closed my eyes as I arrived and called out "Hey Dad, hey Mom. You guys decent?"


    Dad''s answer came back immediately. "Tabitha! You act as if we do nothing but rut like beasts in heat every moment of the day."


    I chuckled and opened my eyes as I stepped toward him. The moment I did Sigyn, who sat in his lap, her knees outside his, everything from thigh to breast covered by the arm he held her with, said, "per your deal with Odin, we''re forced to spend at least an hour a day doing otherwise."


    "An hour?" I said, trying very hard to keep my cool, since they were both very obviously fully clothed and had posed entirely to mess with me. "I don''t remember that being the deal?"


    She smiled and leaned against his bicep. "Oh, it takes a while to get this one properly locked down. Even longer to set him free, since he always interferes."


    "Interferes? You seemed to enjoy my interference not an hour past."


    Her eyes slipped closed as she ran a hand up his arm and snuggled into him a little more. "I never said I didn''t, husband." Then her eyes slid open again and she looked at me. "So, Daughter. What did you need?"


    I shrugged and pulled up a chair. "I''m getting kind of nervous about the wedding. Nothing coherent, nothing... real. Just irrational panic."


    She slipped away from Loki''s lap and stepped over to me, pulling me into a warm hug. "Daughter, emotions are real things. They may defy logic and rationality, true, but this makes them no less real, no less of a challenge to deal with." She lifted me, chair and all, and moved me over to sit where she could reach me from Loki''s lap. "Now. Tell us all about it."


    So we talked. Time flowed as oddly as always there in Loki''s cave. We talked for hours, for days, for minutes, for moments. Forever. Bit by bit, my panicked nerves settled, my fear leached away by their calm, caring support. At the end, I had only one remaining thought, devoid of anything negative, wholly charged with eager anticipation.


    I''m getting married tomorrow!

 Day Six Hundred And Twenty-Eight

    Dear Diary,


    I''m getting married today!


    After spending yesterday afternoon talking with Loki and Sigyn about my nerves, I''m no longer panicking about it, either! I mean, I''m now getting exactly what people mean by ''eustress'', and the fact that it is, in fact, stressful, but somehow I think a little bit of ''euphoria'' is kicking in to combat the worst of that.


    Weird. Maybe that''s another maturing thing too. Or maybe it''s a mental health thing, like I''m now healthy enough to recognize that I''m under stress, accept it, and move on, without immediately falling into another panic attack. Honestly, it''s probably a little bit of both, but not too much of either as to make too much of a difference. Equally honestly, I''m just glad that I''m coming into this day neither manic nor depressed, neither panicked nor apathetic. Externally I''m waiting with bated breath for an absolute chain avalanche of awesome things to happen, but internally I''m bouncing up and down and squealing with glee.


    Okay, I might be humming and occasionally making little whiny squee noises on the outside, too, but anybody judging me for that can fuck directly off.


    So last night Saffron and I made dinner. Kinda funny to think that after watching Marie do stuff for like a week, plus all the other times I''ve shadowed her just to spend more time with my Murder Mittens, I think I''m better in the kitchen than Saffron. Like, she''s not incompetent or anything, because I can''t see her being incompetent at anything at all, up to and including ''deliberate humility'', which was kind of a shocker when I saw her let go during her Penance sessions, but her kitchen skills are mostly ''put stuff together as instructed'' not ''head chef''.


    At one point when I told her to braise something and she gave me a blank look, I asked, "Didn''t you used to work at Drivers''?"


    She smirked at me and replied, "as a waitress, Goof. Surprisingly little of the prep school or Academy testing involves food preparation."


    "Fair point." After that we kind of settled into a routine where I handled anything that she hadn''t done. So I did most of the cooking while she did the plating. When I finished with the last of the food prep and bopped an Academy Maid''s uniform onto her for serving, she rebelled just the tiniest bit, though. "What''s good for the goose is, in fact, good for the taller, hotter goose."


    Standing there in my own Maid''s uniform, I snorted. "Agree to disagree on the hotter." She stopped, balancing a tray of plates on each hand, and just stared at me. At first I thought she was gonna argue or something, but she just stared while her eyes unfocused a little, and she worked her mouth like it''d gone dry. "You okay, Kitten?"


    "Forgot how hot you look like that."


    "Wanna sneak off while we serve?"


    She shook her head, snapping out of her horny trance and smiling at me. "No. Absolutely not. The next time any of us has sex in any way, shape, or form will be on our wedding night."


    Without even intending to I slow blinked at her. "Y''know, I could just rush the sun through the sky and shit."


    "Tabitha Diaz! Don''t you dare!"


    I smiled at her as I scooped up an embarrassingly small number of plates compared to her. "Nah. I''m looking forward to the wedding. Can''t wait to see Marie in that dress."


    "I hear you." Saffron led us out into the dining room, where we delivered plates to Grandma and Marie, who had Siobhan watching over her to make sure she didn''t get out of her seat. We wound up putting most of the plates on the serving table, then going back for the rest. By the time we got back the serving table had been mostly denuded by the women and children of the Homestead who''d decided to eat with us tonight. Everybody seemed to like what I''d come up with, which was a really weird kind of steak drenched in gravy on a long roll, with some vegetable fritters on the side. I was glad for the plates, since the sandwiches turned out way messier than I''d thought they''d be.


    At that point, before I headed back to Marie, I stopped Saffron. "Hey, where''d the plates come from?"


    "Early wedding gift from the Drivers''."


    "Huh. Neat!" I hadn''t really thought about wedding gifts, or what form they''d take. I guess if I had, I might be bummed about getting a set of dishes, but with the complete lack of thought came a complete lack of expectation, and any gift when you''re not expecting one is pretty cool.


    When we got over to Marie and started feeding her, at first we tried to be careful not to dribble any of the gravy onto her, but she got a kind of pouty look at the tiny bites. I shrugged, muttered, "bath time after this anyway," and held up the whole sandwich for her to nom bites out of, while Saffron handled the fritters. "So, Kitten, this remind you of your stint in food service?"


    She rolled her eyes at me. "I did not hand feed the customers at Drivers''. Nor did I steal any for myself," she said, doing just that with a bite of fritter, then blowing air in and out of her mouth. "Spicy."


    I shrugged. "The veggies looked a little too wilted to have much taste, an flour just soaks up flavor, so I might have been a little on the generous side." I took a bite myself, and yeah, I''d overdone it. Not bad tasting, just on the spicy side. A quick glance showed me none of the plates had complete leftover fritters, so I guess everybody here could handle a little spice.


    At that point Saffron got a look in her eye that hinted at a different kind of spice. "Of course, one thing is missing. Normally I''d say it''s something I loathed about the job, but for some reason I''m missing it right now."


    "What''s that, Kitten?"


    She grinned at me, then turned that grin full force on our fianc¨¦e and said, "customers getting handsy when they thought the Drivers'' couldn''t see."


    Marie asked a question with her eyes, and I''m guessing Saffron answered it, because a moment later a big old claw wrapped itself around my ass, fondling first one cheek, then the other, then settling in to alternate as we fed our smug Maenad. Saffron turned her own smug grin back on me, and I kinda breathed out, "I thought you said no sex until wedding night?"


    "Not."


    At Marie''s declaration, Saffron smiled and whispered back, "our lovely fianc¨¦e is as wise as she is beautiful, love. This isn''t sex. This is foreplay. Teasing." She turned to stare me straight in the eye and finish with, "building up such a fire in you that when we finally get to the bedroom, you leave everyone within ecstatically devastated."


    "Hey," I quietly whined. "I don''t want to do all the work."


    She chuckled. "Oh, you won''t, rest assured. But you are, my love, the strongest of us. And after all, it is you who our Marie has requested her first child by."


    "Children." Marie corrected. Then her head swiveled just the slightest bit to focus fully on Saffron, who jerked like she''d been goosed. "First?"


    "You don''t want more than one litter?" Marie''s eyes got a little bigger, but not in any kind of bad way. "I really hope at some point you''ll allow me that honor as well." Marie''s tongue poked out of her mouth, and she nodded, her expression one of silly joy.


    That expression remained all the way through Bath time, when we scrubbed her clean. Before we towed her to the Bath proper, however, she stopped and shook her head. "Sisters."


    I didn''t get it, but fortunately my Kitten''s brain is fast as fuck. "You wish to spend this night with your sister Maenads?" Marie nodded, worry clear in her eyes.


    I pulled her into a hug. "That''s fine, Mittens. I''m gonna fantasize about you all night though."


    She very pointedly grabbed my hands, nodded to my crotch, and said, "No."


    I laughed, then smirked at her and said, "no Reveling for you tonight then!"


    She rolled her eyes, but laughed. Then held up two fingers with a tiny space between them. "Ouzo." Then she spread them a little further apart. "Singing." Then maybe a full Marie knuckle width apart. "Dancing."


    I pulled her down to me, pulled Saffron in next to us. "Just make sure none of that dancing is the horizontal mambo metaphoric kind that ends in the orgasms you''re gonna be having tomorrow night."


    She just grinned that blepping grin and said, "Foreplay."


    The thought of a Marie revved up by all her sisters like some kind of apocalyptic sexual power wheels almost broke my resolve and had me jumping all of us to the Bedroom right then and there, but I held on by my fingernails and let out the excess tension with a chuckle even I felt the heat from. "Perfect." We shared a long, slow hug, Marie pulling Siobhan in when she wandered by, then Marie stood in preparation for leaving us for the night. "One last question?"


    Marie looked at me, impatience to be off warring very obviously with her own desire to get on with the Bedroom activities. "Ask."


    "When we get to the Bedroom?" She nodded. "Your dress. Banished? Carefully removed? Or ripped off of you to get at what''s under it?"


    So fucking fun watching Murder Mittens blush. Didn''t even think she would at that, but maybe the wedding had her feeling herself. She pulled the three of us together, squishing me between Siobhan and Saffron, made sure she understood her words were for all three of us, and said, "Choose."


    "Even me?" squeaked Siobhan.


    Marie looked at us, her eyebrows raising just a little as her nostrils flared with anticipation, then nodded. Then she was gone.


    At that point Saffron rounded on Siobhan, smiling as she scooped her up and headed for the Bath with me trailing along. "Even you?" she mocked gently. "Silly Siobhan." She stepped into the Bath, lowering Siobhan gently into the water. "Darling, you are now and forevermore part of this family, no matter what Titles you may have. Please don''t forget that."


    Siobhan blushed, although I couldn''t tell if it was from the heat of the water or her response to Saffron''s words. "Yes, Mistress." Saffron dunked her under the water, then pulled her out and stared at her expectantly. "Yes, Saffron." Saffron dunked her again, grinning. Finally Siobhan took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and when she opened them, letting most of it out, her face had that eager puppy dog look that went so well with the collar that even in the Bath she hadn''t taken off. "Yes, Kitten."


    Saffron smiled at her, nipping at her ear before handing her to me. "Much better. Now, I''m off to make sure the children don''t overwhelm Grandma."


    "Oh! I made sure Vickerson and Karen will be there tomorrow to help with that, and Karen will hang around on Saturday. Maybe Sunday too."


    She just snorted. "Sunday? You destroyed me in only a few hours when you''d much of the day sating yourself on Siobhan and Karen. With how we''ve been working each other up, I doubt even Marie will last until Sunday." Then she leaned over and kissed me briefly, a quick peck on the lips. "Thank you for thinking of it though, love. I''ll let Grandma know. In the meanwhile, remind that one she''s one of us."


    "What about the no sex thing?"


    "You have fingers. As for her, like she''s ever not been ready." Her smile took any possible negative meaning out of her words, and she swanned off to Grandma and the kids.


    I pulled Siobhan to me, very carefully keeping our positions incompatible with any shenanigans. Any her on me shenanigans. As to the other... "So. Since you absolutely are one of us, what do you want?"


    She snuggled into me and smiled softly. "Oh, so many things. Some of them entirely contradictory."


    I snorted. "C''mon. Reconciling contradictory things is a specialty of mine. Hit me."


    She giggled. "First?" I nodded. "Before anything else, I want you to know that tomorrow, on your wedding night? On the wedding night of the three people who mean the most to me in all the world?" I nodded again. "Anything. Any tiny whim, any burning passion, anything at all any or all of you wish of me, wish me to do, wish to do unto me, I Consent."


    My mouth dropped open a little, not just at her offer, but at the simple, pure intensity of it. "You sure?"


    She nodded, very clearly terrified to the point that even the heat that engendered wasn''t enough to nullify it, but resolved nonetheless. Her next words came out in a whisper that wouldn''t carry past the two of us over the sounds of the children playing. "Should you wish to take turns dipping me into your Maw until I am no more, I Consent. I am yours, yours and Saffron''s and soon to be Marie''s, and I will do anything at all to make your wedding night as Gloriously memorable as it possibly can be."


    I smirked at her, pulled her to me, and whispered back, "not gonna lose you any time soon, Darling. But... Even if Marie gives up eschewing Shapeshifting and the three of us go full on boy mode to put you in a three horse hitch?"


    I''d meant to tease her, but her fear ramped up, even as her resolve firmed to hold it at bay. She nodded. "Anything, love. For you? For the three of you? For... any one of you?" She looked a question, and I just nodded and smiled warmly at her. "Anything. Even that. Take me all at once, take me one at a time, make me watch in the mirrors as you do. Anything."


    I snuggled her to me, kissing the top of her head. "I... don''t want to hurt you, Darling. None of us do, I think. Not, y''know, outside of the spicy kind of rough play. Something like that might hurt you in a way that matters, so I can''t see any of us wanting that for that, but... if anything even related to that comes up?" She just watched me, fear subsiding. "I will absolutely be asking you again to confirm you Consent to it, and you absolutely have every right to decline."


    She smiled at me. "I won''t, though."


    "Aren''t I supposed to be the Goof?"


    She just laughed. "I would literally die to please the three of you. Die without hope of an afterlife. Why do you think I wouldn''t accept a little trauma to do so?"


    I rolled my eyes again. "Yeah, but I don''t think that''s who any of us really want to be." She just shrugged, smiling, as if to say she was ready and willing to please whoever we wanted to be. Because, I realized right then, she trusted us. All three of us. Even me, the completely bonkers batshit untreated ADHD Goof. "So. About tonight. Maw drop?"


    She shivered and smiled, but shook her head. "Am I really one of you?" I nodded. "So shouldn''t I be waiting?"


    I chuckled a little at that, then replied, "as you wish, Darling. But if you''re one of us?" She nodded, smiling eagerly. Slipping surreptitious tentacles beneath the surface of the bath, I curled them around her arms, her legs, her tummy and her shoulders. Never letting them go quite still, never touching anywhere that might lead to unintended climactic consequences. "You really ought to be just as worked up with no release as the rest of us too, right?"


    She definitely had picked up the whole blep thing from Marie, because she did so as she nodded. She kept doing so when I Co-Located us to the damp heat of the Maw and lowered her, inch by inch, tentacles writhing around her covering everything a bikini didn''t, down toward the surface. When she was a yard above the surface, whimpering, I said, "So. Want a haircut?" What do you think, Kitten? Short haired Siobhan for the service?


    Saffron looked over to the two of us where we floated more or less innocently in the Bath, then looked through my eyes. Grinning at us from where she was combing David''s hair out with her fingers, getting it to float on the surface of the water in a big old fan, she thought, none would see it under her habit anyhow. But do even the ends up, so she looks perfectly prim and proper. To contrast best with how she looks by Sunday morning.


    "So, Darling. You heard Kitten. What''s it gonna be?"


    After a few moments to get her terror under control to the point where she could speak coherently, she said, "a woman''s hair is her crowning Glory. As she said, please just trim things up that I might look my best for the three of you. But..."


    "But?"


    "Crowning Glory. For Dan, especially wealthy matriarchs, a sign of their status, their prestige, their place in society above everyone else, since they need not crop it short or tie it up to serve others." She paused, and I nodded, weaving hair fine tentacles through her hair to come it all out, to straighten it as much as I could, so it would have the best chance of being even when it dried. "Tabitha? At some point in the future, when we have time to do this, all this, again?" I nodded again. "Debase me."


    That definitely ramped things up a notch. "Right. Even things out now, then crop it short at some point in the future. You want a warning then, or just... surprise short haired Siobhan?"


    She grinned up at me. "Surprise me, of course."


    "You got it, Darling." At that point I gently lowered her until the tips of her hair dissolved away. I''m really glad I''d covered up her eyes, vaguely worried about the fluid from my Maw splashing up into them, because the taste, the smell, the mouth feel of her hair as I consumed it... I had a long moment where all I could do was struggle not to keep lowering her until nothing remained. I''d love to swear about the obese hyperchromatic orange tabby, but I''m really not sure some of it wasn''t me.


    I lifted her clear, settled her into my arms, and collapsed the two of us in the bath into the two of us over the Maw, then slipped us back into the tub.


    As she settled onto me, smiling, she whispered, "I know I ought not, but... please take me, now now now?"


    I chuckled at her as I kissed the top of her head. "Reminds me a little of you before our date. But nope. None of the four of us are getting any of that kind of release until tomorrow at sunset."


    "What... what if it just happens?"


    I stroked her hair gently, smiling down at her. "Did it?"


    "Not... yet?"


    I snerked. "One condition, then. If it does, you tell the three of us right then and there, no matter what else is happening." Show us, too. All without letting anyone else know.


    Definitely felt some kinda way when she just kinda melted over me, relaxing without release. Yes, dear.


    Dreamt. Oh, shit, dreamt of a silent Maw vibrating with anticipation, the flavor of that tiny nip of Siobhan''s hair still suffusing me. I wondered at the lack of my ladies until I realized that the vibrations weren''t just me quivering with excitement. As each of them showed up, faster than I could even perceive it, my tentacles snagged them and shoved them into my Maw. Then did it again, and again, and again. At first I worried, but then I caught glimpses of their expressions. Joy. Ecstasy. Humor. Even, and even on Tallulah''s normally controlled countenance, silliness. The kind of expression you get when things were supposed to be Serious Business, but turn out to be so Gloriously fun and chaotic that you can''t help smiling.


    Woke up smiling, refreshed, and very early, with Tallulah, Karen, and Vickerson leaning over us, shaking us awake.


    "The Maenads sent us," Karen explained. "We''re supposed to get the three of you ready."


    "Since you inexplicably do not have ladies'' maids," added Tallulah.


    Saffron just chuckled as she finished her boot up. "We normally aid each other in that capacity. An unexpected benefit of being a woman loving a woman; we know how our clothes are supposed to fit. Still, with three of us to prepare, not to mention the children, I suppose it''s for the best. Let''s be about it then!"


    It took a while. Other than apparently Vickerson, who''d done a stint as a ladies maid back in pre-Undead Calverton, neither of the others had any experience with dressing someone. Okay, Tallulah sort of knew how to dress a kid, but none of us were kids. Vickerson finished with Siobhan first, what with her wearing nothing more than a much nicer version of the simple robes I''d first seen her in.


    "I''ll go help the kids then?"


    Siobhan nodded her answer to Vickerson''s question, then turned to the rest of us. "I''ll go see to the altar and preparations. See you soon." Then she was gone.


    That left me nothing to look at but Karen prepping Saffron, slipping all her accoutrements on one by one. Belt. Shoes. Cufflinks. Cummerbund. Bow tie. Hat. Jacket. Every layer somehow accentuated everything beneath it, and holy fuck did all of them accentuate what lay beneath them. When Saffron stood there before me, fully dressed in her tuxedo, holding her top hat under her arm, I had to swallow twice before I could get any words out.


    "You look... good."


    "Good?"


    "Great? Hot? Smoking? Fu... For some reason I think if I say anything that even gets close to the things I''d like to do to you, we''ll be late for the wedding wearing mauled tuxes?"


    "Aww... You''re so sweet, Goof. I..."


    "Not sweet. Okay, maybe. Just... honest. Truthful."


    She blushed a little at that. "Thank you. As I was about to say, I feel the same about you. I''m... hesitant to do even this much, but..." She held out a crooked arm, "shall we?"


    I nodded, slipped my arm through hers, and stepped us to the Practice Yard.


    She jerked away immediately like my arm had burned her, keeping her mouth closed but panting through her nose while she stepped to her spot at the far side of the altar from me, keeping her eyes closed for a moment. When she got herself under control, she smiled and looked over to me. "I heard what you said to Siobhan." After a pause to make sure I knew what she was talking about, she said, "the same goes for me, I suppose." Then her brows drew down. "And you, Miss ''Makes a Habit of Just Happening''."


    "Hey, I thought you liked that about me."


    "Oh, I do, and I would be lying if I didn''t say some small part of me eagerly awaits your perceptions filing my mind at some inopportune moment today."


    "What about Marie?"


    "She''s the bride. Brides can do no wrong on their wedding day."


    I pouted "I thought we had that whole ''bride'' conversation."


    She huffed at me. "Fine. The one wearing the wedding dress can do no wrong on their wedding day."


    I smirked at her. "Good thing Karen''s not getting married today then, huh?"


    She rolled her eyes. "She has the good grace not to wear that to someone else''s wedding. Unless she''s officiating. At which point I hope she''ll have the sense to wear Mimic''s regalia instead."


    I snerked again. "Unexpected benefit of going public, I guess." At that point I took a moment to look around. The sun had risen a while ago, and if the altar and the three of us, Saffron, Siobhan, and I, stood in the shade of the outer wall, most of the Yard had sunlight streaming through it. Seats covered most of the Yard, simple chairs set out in rows, with an aisle down the middle. They hadn''t been jammed in, though; there was easily enough room to walk between them, although here and there some had been pushed together, or spread apart, to accommodate couples or individuals who needed more room or were too big for the chairs entirely.


    Not too heavy, mind you. These were indestructible Academy chairs. But some people, like Mister and Mrs. Driver, didn''t need them for the height, and I guess Mister Driver didn''t want to sit across three of them or something. I hadn''t seen him much except through the kitchen window, but seeing him sitting there with an arm around Mrs. Driver where she sat in front of him, leaning back against him, reminded me that he was basically a seven foot cube of pure muscle. I blinked a little when I saw Jarl Johnson spread across three chairs in the front row, until my eyes adjusted enough to realize that the shadow next to him wasn''t from the wall, but from Domnu sitting as primly and properly as Tallulah, who sat in the row behind her next to Lenny Lancaster. That whole second row was filled with dignitaries. Mary and Orla Calvert, Ophelia and Ora Orange, Cailyn Crow and George Papadopoulos, who''d pushed their chairs together to sit as clearly coupled as any of the other pairings. Diplomatically I wasn''t sure what that meant. Personally, I hoped it meant what I thought it meant. Mayor McCann sat in that row quietly talking with Svart, who shrugged at me as if to point out that he wasn''t sure the floor would hold his baby mama. Didn''t bother me in the slightest, she had important Queen stuff to do. He looked kinda good in formal clothes rather than his armor plates.


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    Back to the front row, Johnson had positioned himself between the rest of the row and Domnu; I''m not sure who he intended to shield, or whether he''d even thought of it at all. Then again, he''s a sharp guy, despite how goofy he looks, he probably had. On his far side Sigyn and Loki sat next to one another, her arm around him, her other hand holding his in his lap. I smiled as I realized that in his default Lyman suit she had like a good half head of height on him. Next to them, right on the aisle, Grandma Aetos sat, still and silent and, almost, maybe, if you looked at her just right, smiling at Saffron.


    That kind of surprised me, Saffron''s family sitting with mine, until I looked to the far side of the aisle and realized Maenads filled that entire front row. The only thing that distinguished one from another were their clothing and accoutrements. Sarah stood out at one end in her Academy uniform, her ramrod straight posture mirrored by the Maenad in the Maid''s uniform on the far end. The ones between them, including Stheno and Euryale in the very center, all half slouched comfortably in their seats. Two of them were nursing kids who looked maybe a year old, and most of the rest held kids in their laps.


    When I noticed the Lancaster nursemaids, I scanned the crowd and spotted Bonnie and Larry in the row behind his dad, a little to one side. She looked up from Lucas, who had no attention to spare for anything but breakfast, and waved at me. I smiled and nodded back, but stayed in the kind of almost parade rest I''d been in since Saffron and I arrived. I scanned the rest of the crowd, which despite all our friends and family, was mostly Cadets and Maids. I spotted Fred and Raven in separate parts of the crowd. I felt a tiny bittersweet pang at the thought that much like Olga, Bill and Angel now had duties to attend to that kept them away, even if they did send their dad in their place for diplomacy''s sake.


    Kinda weird that our wedding, my wedding, was a Diplomatic Event. I hadn''t even clocked that before just then.


    Right about then Karen arrived off to one side wearing her Academy uniform. As music started to swell into the endless round of the Wedding March, she nodded to Siobhan, who turned to the mostly seated crowd.


    "Everyone, we''re about to begin. Please take your seats." Most of the crowd were already settled in, but a few folks further back scuttled to their seats, and the folks closer to the front who''d been chatting or just vibing with their partners focused on the three of us standing up there in front of the altar. Kinda funny, but as I turned to focus on her I got a look at aforementioned altar. Totally not a repurposed Dining Hall table. Nope. Not at all.


    That smile still hadn''t left my face when the crowd went completely silent as Siobhan nodded to Karen, who stepped to the far end of the Practice Yard, where someone had knocked a pair of doors mirroring the ones Saffron had willed into existence into the short wall of the Yard. She Co-Located as she did it, pulling the doors open, then stepping away. I''m not sure where she stepped to, either, because my gaze had focused completely on the figures stepping through.


    Did you have anything at all to do with this? I thought as fiercely as I could to Saffron.


    Only in that as your Priestess Most High Above All Others and their soon to be mother, High Priestess Tallulah felt compelled to have me approve them as novices of Mimic, she thought back calmly. I think they look quite fetching. And they match us.


    I stared, mind skipping and blanking, as Ria and Maze made their way down the aisle, side by side, each wearing a modest kid friendly version of Glowing Midnight. Kid friendly in that the skirts weren''t slit anywhere near as high, they only draped down to their ankles rather than covering their toes, and from what I saw the boots had typical kitten heels. Also the neckline didn''t plunge anywhere near as low. Not that there would be anything to show if they did.


    Way too young! I could help it, the words rushed out of my brain of their own accord.


    They''re old enough to speak and listen and understand and request this for themselves, love. And they are novices, simply learning the Doctrines of Mimic until they''re old and mature enough to progress further. Besides, Ora and Mary are already High Priestesses of Loki.


    Those two are twice their age! Even as my brain struggled to express my reasons, or lack thereof, I saw how both of my Fae girls grinned from ear to ear as everyone turned to watch them pace down the aisle in time to the music. Each of them carried a small cushion held before them, two rings centered on it.


    Ora is twelve. That''s barely half again Maze''s age. Ria is nearly as old as Marylin.


    Maturity level!


    The snark got really strong for a second as she thought, so you weren''t qualitied to be a novice either?


    I took a deep breath, schooling my features to show nothing but my pride as the two got within a few rows of us. Because fuck me, but they looked so proud of themselves, of each other. Of us.


    I''m overreacting, aren''t I?


    Only a lot.


    Sorry.


    Forgiven, love. I didn''t realize our two oldest idolizing you so would upset you so much.


    I smiled at them as they split apart, Ria coming to stand beside me, Maze moving to stand just beyond Saffron. Guess I better straighten up and fly right, to be a good role model for our girls, huh?


    Saffron just smiled. Like you weren''t doing that already.


    Yeah, but I never thought they''d actually look up to me as one, y''know?


    That got a chuckle out of her, followed by I trust you approve of these two?


    I looked to the doors to see another pair walk through. David and Daya, both in their onesies, carrying baskets that had to be bigger than they were. Each basket had flower petals mounded as high as the basket would allow, and both girls ladled handful after handful of petals over the path between the doors and the altar. It reminded me so much of Menace I knew she had to be involved somehow, but I didn''t see her anywhere. Yet. So I just watched the smiles spread across the audience as the two girls, David with wild, joyous abandon and Daya with serious, studious precision, coated the aisle with flowers. Also, thanks to David and aforementioned wild abandon, at least the first couple seats in either direction. Including Grandma, who tried to keep her normal sardonic expression in place, but couldn''t help but smile the moment David''s back was turned.


    When they reached us, they split apart like their older sisters had done, Daya going just beyond Maze, David standing beside Ria.


    Hey, I thought Menace was gonna... be... the...


    I trailed off as an unmistakable figure stepped through the doorway, the top of her veil brushing the doorframe, even as the bulky figure beside her had no troubles fitting through. Some part of my brain registered D escorting her, but that was secondary. Unimportant. Trivial. Marie stood there, sunlight spotlighting her, gorgeous in that white wedding dress, every aspect of it tailored to fit her, to hide her, to display her, to amplify her beauty, her grace, her awe inspiring majesty as she stepped into the aisle.


    The moment she did, an tidal wave of flower petals cascaded from the edge of the roof. Enough to blot away any sight of Dionysus escorting her, but somehow Marie''s silhouette showed through. She stepped forward in time to the swelling Bridal Chorus, and as she did first her leg, then her thigh, then the rest of her emerged from the cascade. Only to be silhouetted piece by piece once more as the ongoing rain of petals followed her.


    Speaking of flying right and someone to look up to...


    Saffron''s snark almost broke me out of the trance the vision of Marie had put me into. Enough to notice three gliders doing figure eights near stall speed, each dumping loads of flower petals into Marie''s path. She strode down the aisle, Glorious, as she walked in beauty and an ongoing rain of petals. As the Bridal Chorus wound down it''s last cycle, Alex, Lindsey, and Isnomi all circled around, then zoomed overhead in a close flyby before pulling up and swooping straight up to the roof. I''m pretty sure somebody caught them. For all that I love my kids, would kill or die for them in a heartbeat, I could not wrench one iota of my attention from where Marie stood, her blush visible even through her fur and veil, as D stopped and turned toward her.


    He put his hands on her shoulders, then slid them down to her upper arms. His voice caught as he said, "Marie... Marie, My Champion. My beloved. My favorite. I am here today to let you know that I am happy for you. That I support you in this, as you have supported me over the centuries in everything I have done. I will miss you, but I am so, so happy for you." He pulled her in, gave her a quick kiss on each cheek, then a big old bear hug.


    Her arms went around his waist, and her wide smile softened her voice when she said, "Dramatic."


    With that, he barked out a laugh as he let her go, then legged it for the end of Marie''s row, where he looked more than a little surprised at Sarah''s uniform.


    Then Marie turned back toward us, and everything else ceased to exist as her smile went from ''wide and happy'' to ''radiantly joyous''. I stared, smiling and slack jawed, as she stepped toward the two of us. the moment she got in reach, she reached out, handing Siobhan the bouquet she''d been carrying, then with one finger each pushed Saffron and my jaws closed before retrieving her bouquet.


    The audience chuckled, then went quiet as Siobhan raised her hands. "We are here today to bear witness to and celebrate the joining of Saffron Aetos-Diaz, Archmage, Hero of Phileo City, Priestess Most High Above All Others of Mimic, Imperator of the Inter-City Alliance, Tabitha Diaz, Hero-in-waiting of Phileo City, Champion and Priestess High Set Above All Others of Loki, Patron Goddess of the Inter-City Alliance, and Marie, Head Maid of Phileo City Heroic Academy, Champion of Dionysus, and First Priestess of Menace in Marriage." She paused and looked around for a moment as everyone took in the assorted titles we''d chosen to have announced.


    Isn''t the most important person supposed to come first in the listing? thought Saffron.


    She did, I replied.


    Yes. Marie ended our quick aside, and we both almost subconsciously sidled a little closer to her, turning toward Siobhan.


    "Who stands witness to the joining of these three?"


    Before anyone else could speak, Maze''s voice trickled out across the crowd, getting stronger as each word rushed from her. "I, Mazikeen, soon to be Aetos-Diaz, Novice of Mimic and daughter by choice and fortune of Marie, stand witness."


    As the current of her voice went silent, Ria''s voice rang out from behind me, cracking a little, but no less fierce for all that. "I, Ria Crow of House Crow, Novice of Mimic and daughter of Tallulah Crow, Overlord of Rich Man''s Port, stand witness."


    The moment the echoes of her announcement started to die down, a voice that echoed with steel and trumpets surged through the room. "I, Sigyn Solsdottr, Goddess of Victory and Marital Devotion, stand witness."


    I hadn''t even noticed her rising to her feet, but I did notice as Lyman stood beside her, his voice flickering coals that warmed the cool spring morning. "I, Loki Laufeyson, God of Hearth and Home, by my great fortune Husband of Sigyn Solsdottr, stand witness."


    I kind of expected that to be it, but a moment later a great rumbling voice filled the Yard, a voice I''d only ever heard raised in celebration or anger. Somehow deeper, richer, and more commanding, it filled the Yard almost like this was the voice duBois tried to imitate when he used his parade ground bellow, only without being a shout or a scream. Just a firm, ground shaking command. "I, Dionysus son of Zeus, God of Wine, Divine Madness, and Rebirth, Heir to the throne of Olympus, creator of the Maenads, stand witness."


    Hmm... Aren''t witnesses supposed to use their most important title last? pondered Saffron.


    I knew a slow pitch when I saw it. He did.


    Totally worth it to crank Marie''s smile and blush up to eleven and break the knob off.


    Then a single, quiet voice, almost inaudible over the wind, sounded from the front row of the audience. Not bellowing, not echoing, Barely a voice at all. "I, Anise Aetos, eldest Aetos of Camden Yards, Grandmother of Saffron Aetos, stand witness." By the end of Grandma''s words, the entire audience sat silent, not even breathing. A moment later she muttered, "I''m not getting any younger. Get on with it."


    Everybody in the Yard except seemingly Siobhan barked out a laugh at that. Apparently working with Grandma for over a year had inoculated her to offhand comments like that. "Saffron Aetos-Diaz, do you take Marie as your wife, to have and to hold, to nurture according to your nature, to love and never leave, no matter the trials and tribulations, for as long as you both shall live?"


    Saffron smiled up at Marie and reached behind herself. "Now and forevermore, I do." As she said those words, she slipped a plain black wedding band onto Marie''s finger, where it merged and joined seamlessly with the two already there.


    Siobhan turned to me. "Tabitha Diaz, do you take Marie as your wife, to have and to hold, to nurture according to your nature, to love and never leave, no matter the trials and tribulations, for as long as you both shall live?"


    A small yet insistent hand grabbed mine and pressed a ring into my palm as I reached for Marie''s. All snark and wit abandoned me, and it was all I could do to say, "I do." I slipped the ring on her finger, my vision going blurry as it bonded against the one Saffron had just slipped on, becoming one with them.


    My eyes still hadn''t quite cleared by the time Siobhan said, "Marie, do you take Saffron Aetos-Diaz as your wife, to have and to hold, to nurture according to your nature, to love and never leave, no matter the trials and tribulations, for as long as you both shall live?"


    Marie reached behind Saffron, lifting my Kitten''s hand and slipping a wedding ring onto it. In that moment I envied them both so much. No jealousy, jealousy is dumb as shit, but oh, how I wanted to slip a wedding ring on my Kitten, and oh how I wanted Marie''s ring on my hand.


    Patience, love. Saffron''s quiet whisper inside my head made everything else go still as Marie turned to me. "Marie, do you take Tabitha Diaz as your wife, to have and to hold, to nurture according to your nature, to love and never leave, no matter the trials and tribulations, for as long as you both shall live?"


    My heart stopped, my breath stopped, at that moment only the color remaining in the world told me that Time itself hadn''t stopped, as Marie slipped that ring on my finger and, as if were the most natural thing in the world, said, "I Do."


    I''d like to say it was my blurred vision, or Marie still holding my hand, or anything else in the world, but the truth is Saffron proved yet again which of us is the impatient one. Even as Siobhan said, "I now pronounce the three of you married," Saffron darted in, dipping a totally startled Marie well past level with the floor, most of her hair and all of her veil crumpled on the pavers as Saffron claimed Marie''s mouth as her own. I think I hyperventilated a little, a heady mix of affectionate annoyance and almost uncontrollable lust filling me as I watched the two of them.


    You little...


    You don''t like the view? Saffron shifted to let me see them both in profile, both of them grinning through the very thorough kiss. Any lingering resentment was scoured away as I watched their curves press together, my eyes tugged toward the view of Saffron''s ass where she bent nearly double to dip Marie so low.


    I am gonna take you both right...


    Ah, ah, ah, children are watching. As I spluttered internally, attention riveted to my brides, she thought, yes, my beloved Goof. I am absolutely cramming you full of every ounce of lust and hunger for our bride as I possibly can. Do you have any idea how overwhelming you''ll have to be to keep a Maenad unable to walk for a full month?


    Marie snorted into the kiss without breaking it. Sparagmos.


    "Not..." The moment Saffron''s lips slipped even the slightest away from Marie''s, I struck. I scooped them both into my arms, rolling Saffron around until I held her back to back with Marie, then dipped Marie almost as low as Saffron had, and lost myself to her lips, her tongue, her teeth, the glorious experience that was my Murder Mittens kissing and being kissed without a single fuck to give about anything else in the world.


    "This is most undignified," Saffron muttered.


    But I can do this! I squeezed her breast and tugged her hips closer, pulling Marie''s belly up against my thigh, never letting up on our kiss. The crowd started reacting, led by Dionysus and Sigyn of all people, calling out encouragement and some borderline lewd comments.


    "Undignified," she muttered again.


    Want me to stop? I asked, still fondling and kissing and losing all sense of time and place as all my remaining fucks fled in terror as was right and good and proper.


    "Oh, hell no. Just... slightly gentler?" she whispered.


    Why? I thought, doubling down on my kissing and my fondling as I realized I could grind Saffron''s bodacious booty into Marie''s tail in this position.


    Hap... happen... Saffron whimpered, and I froze, my grin getting even wider.


    "Oh, we can''t have that now," I murmured as I stood, lifting Marie to her feet, only to have her scoop me up in turn, twisting herself and tugging the two of us around until she held us in front of her.


    She leaned us together, both of us looking at her, hungry joyous idiot grins permanently etched onto our faces, until our foreheads bonked together. "Share."


    Our hands seeking out each other''s faces, we both caught her meaning the moment she spoke. Our lips met, and joy in physical form erupted from my lips and tongue as I tasted pure, refined Marie on my Kitten''s lips. So close, she whimpered.


    Hey, I''m gonna need help with this big wifey nerd. Maenad hips don''t dislocate easy, y''know.


    Both of us kinda lost control of our trains of thought when Marie thought, Break. My lips slipped back into action, drawn by the mixed tastes of my loves, only to slide to a stop when Marie thought, Shatter. We both tried again, but the kiss slipped to a laughing end when she carefully enunciated every syllable of, "Granulate."


    Shaking my head as Marie lifted us until our foreheads rested against hers, I laughed out, "Mittens, you are absolutely too much."


    Saffron finished my sentence. "And we absolutely love every bit of you."


    At that point, the first time since Siobhan pronounced us married that we''d stopped necking right there in front of the entire Practice Yard, Siobhan announced, "I present to you Saffron, Tabitha, and Marie Aetos-Diaz."


    The audience kind of exploded with cheers and applause at that point. Marie carried Saffron along the first row, introducing us to her sisters and them to us. Honestly, I caught name of the one in the Maid''s outfit, ''Helen'', but the rest were all a blur. Fuck, I even repeated them and they were still a blur. Probably didn''t help that each and every one stood and leaned in to nuzzle all three of us. Pretty sure Stheno stole a kiss from Marie. Think Helen might have brushed her lips across Saffron''s I know for damn sure Sarah grinned at all three of us then taste tested my tonsils. Marie just looked happier each and every time something like that happened, like her family was accepting us as part of their own. I guess maybe they kinda were.


    Maenads. Gotta love ''em. What else are you gonna do?


    The answer, of course, was the big weepy drunk at the end of the row. He stood and put a hand each on my back and Saffron''s, almost mushing us into Marie. "I... I am overcome with joy to see you so happy, m... Marie."


    "But?" Her question hung in the air, and Saffron and I looked at each other, no words needed.


    "But it hurts to lose y..." That''s all he got out before Saffron and I, our hands tangled in his hair, shoved his mouth against hers. When we finally let him pull away, his arms around all three of us, Saffron darted in and applied just a little more liplock. Then we forced his head around and I lost myself for a little bit in beer and wine and maybe just a touch of madness. I was very, very close to happenings when Saffron pulled him away, both of my wives laughing at the two of us.


    "Goof." Marie intoned.


    "I can see where you learned the taste for such, lovely... wife." Then Saffron turned to Dionysus and, Mom Voice in full effect, said, "you stilly man. You''ve lost nothing. She loves you as much as she ever did."


    "Yes."


    He smiled, the tiny pinch of sadness in no way hiding or hindering his growing joy. "But she loves you more."


    Marie shrugged, blushing a little more. "Yes."


    Saffron just looked at him, Pending Mom Disappointment lacing her voice when she asked, "would you deny her that?"


    I am very glad that Saffron is a bona fide Phileo Hero, because his tree trunk arms went around all three of us, crushing us to him in a massive hug as he cried out, "Never!" Letting us breathe, giving us the tiniest bit of space as he let go with one arm, he still kept in contact with us as he turned to the long row of Maenads. "Ladies?" Every one of them, Maids and Maenads and would be Hero, all nodded in unison. "His arm slipped from around us, but by the look on Saffron and Marie''s faces, he groped their asses just as quickly and openly as he did mine before leaning back and bellowing in a voice that shook the pavers. "REVEL!"


    Thankfully his time in Phileo had maybe mellowed D a little. The Revel started with dancing and moved into feasting when Herbert, his High Priest in Phileo, rolled in an hour or so later with an absolute shit ton of party food. The kind of little one bite tasty shit that would keep you dancing, keep you partying, keep you up and moving for as long as the party kept going. I got the first dance with Marie, then stood making really lewd comments about both of them leaning against D, who shared a few pointers and secrets about his favorite Maenad. I mean, I knew pretty much all of them already, but there were a couple, like secret ticklish spots, that I stored away in my brain for safekeeping. Or to forget until I remembered them at an inopportune time. This is me, after all.


    Then Marie pushed the two of us together and had a dance with D. Funny thing, all of duBois'' dance training had an unexpected benefit. I guess neither of us had ever thought of how being able to do all those fancy dances without thinking about it let you pay attention to, y''know, conversations and gossip when people thought you were focused on dancing. We watched as D got... not pushy, but definitely handsy, and Marie gently but firmly redirected him. After a while he sighed and slumped against her. "So shall I never have you again, my Marie?"


    She snorted, then whispered, "After."


    "After your wedding night?" She shook her head, smiling at him. "After the honeymoon?" She shrugged, then shook her head again, still smiling. "After when, then? I shall wait as long as I must, and I would never think of not sharing with those who bring you joy, but if it is not too much to ask, after when?"


    I swear the big dude almost died of apoplexy when she leaned over and stage whispered, "Kittens."


    Then his eyes got real wide. "Are you?"


    She shook her head. Then, with a pointed glance at the sun, which then traced down to the western horizon, she said, "Yet."


    "This is a thing you want?"


    "Duh."


    "This is a thing she can do? They can do? One or both of them can do?" I think I saw smoke coming out of D''s ears at that point. Lovable dumbass, but still a fuckin'' dumbass, incapable of holding too many abstract thoughts in his alcohol soaked head at a time.


    Marie just smiled at us as Saffron nodded and I smiled back. "Yes!"


    Dude''s eyes lit up and he said, "may it be so!" Then he waggled his eyebrows and said, "I will assist in any way you need, of course."


    Saffron gave me a little nudge mentally, and after we shifted to boy mode in sync, said, "Thank you, but..."


    "...We''re good on that front." I finished.


    Dude did not bat an eye. Very Greek, I guess. "Offer''s still open," he muttered, then spun Marie toward us, where we caught her and engaged in some more liplock while he trundled off to where Herbert had started setting up big beer barrels.


    Of course, right about then Isnomi, perched up on the roof, called out, "MAWA!" All three of us looked up to see our insane little acrobat swan dive off the fuckin'' roof. Marie stepped up onto the altar and caught her after she''d fallen maybe fifteen feet, swinging her around and yeeting her at me. I snagged our laughing little maniac and spun her around, gently tossing her to Saffron, who caught her, cushioning the impact with her built in front airbags. "You cawded me!"


    I think that Primordial or no, Isnomi might have throttled our kid right there, had Isnomi not thrown her arms around her mom in a big joyous hug. Then my attention was pulled away by first Lindsey, then Alex stepping off the roof  as well. Marie leapt one way to catch Lindsey while I stepped over under Alex. As they fell, parachutes deployed behind them. Small ones, not enough to slow their fall very much, but enough that Marie and I caught them, swung them around, and tossed them to each other. "How did Isnomi convince you to do something so insane?" I whispered.


    Lindsey shrugged, then smiled up at me. "It was fun."


    I shook my head. "At least you guys had parachutes. Surprised they deployed so fast."


    "Brother Conrad told us they would."


    "He didn''t give Isnomi one?"


    Lindsey just snorted. "She has one." I turned to see a little Isnomi sized parachute backpack still firmly attached to Menace''s back.


    A few moments later, we had our three daredevils in front of Grandma Aetos. Saffron handed Isnomi over. "I''m sorry to trouble you, Grandma, but could you keep this one and these two," she nodded to Alex and Lindsey, "out of trouble? Karen will take you home, and she and Sheila will be around to help you keep them under control."


    Grandma just stared at the three of us, assessing us one at a time, then did the same with the three kids. A few moments later Karen and Vickerson arrived carrying Daya and David, followed by Ria and Maze. "Goddess! I''m so sorry! Conrad," she growled his name out like a curse, "told us these four needed looking after, and that he would watch over the other three and keep them safe."


    "We wuz thafe! Mawa an Mama an Ma cawded us!" Isnomi crowed.


    I closed my eyes. They''re in cahoots. Menace and the Smith. We''re doomed.


    Nonsense. I opened my eyes and stared at Saffron in disbelief. First of all, we have Grandma to assist us now. She kept me out of trouble for a decade and a half. Also... I stared while a grin crept across her face, and deep buried coals in my southerly regions flared up. For the next thirty six hours, they''re all Grandma and Karen''s problem.


    Before we left Grandma''s orbit, Ria and Maze cornered me. "Papa, are you mad at us?"


    I crouched down, pulled them to me. "NO! Why would you think that?"


    "You looked angry when we first entered the Practice Yard," explained Ria.


    I thought for a second, hugging them while I did. "I was surprised. All of my other Priestesses are older. Adults. Seeing you guys like that just... surprised me."


    "Do you not want us as your Novices, Papa?"


    I hugged them more, kissed them both on the forehead. "I am absolutely proud to have both of you. Surprised. But proud as... heck. Almost as proud as I am to have you as daughters. Confused, maybe. Why you''d want, y''know, me."


    Ria cocked her head. "But... why wouldn''t we want our mother to be our Patron? Or our mother''s Patron, which you are as well?"


    I kind of lost any sense of decorum and just hugged them to me, maybe crying a little bit. Eventually my inner gremlin raised its head and I muttered, "kinda surprised you didn''t pick your sister the Menace."


    Maze, her voice as serious as Ria''s normally was, said, "Oh, no." Then a grin split her lips and she nodded to where Isnomi, Alex, and Lindsey all sat on their butts around Grandma''s feet, the looks on their faces clearly indicating that despite her hands being in her lap, she metaphorically had each of them firmly grasped by the ear. "That''s those two lunatics."


    Loki and Sigyn surprised me by sticking around for the Revel. When I asked, he said, "my jailer has given me a day off for good behavior."


    Sigyn just snorted. "Hardly. You''re in for double time tomorrow." He turned to look at her, a comical look of betrayal on his face, and she said, "I''m thinking of expanding your torment. Waterboarding has an interesting sound to it."


    "Waterboarding?" I hissed out, hoping I''d misheard.


    She just nodded. "That''s the one where you don''t let the tormented breathe, right?" Looking at me, her face turned away from Loki, I saw the mischievous grin slip across her lips, and absolutely picked up what she was putting down when she glanced meaningfully down her own front. "I think I have just the way to occupy his mouth and nose."


    "MOM!" I spluttered and laughed, because while I was now absolutely behind her plan now that I knew what it was, I did not need the mental image of her treating his face like a fuckin'' saddle.


    She sighed, slumping. "I''m afraid my captive has become completely unruly. I may need to add to his daily torture until he''s more contrite and submissive."


    I couldn''t help it. I wanted to, I needed to because otherwise the image would wind up seared into my brain, but I couldn''t help it. The inner gremlin took over and I muttered out, "Sleipnir is proof positive he''s breedable."


    Tabitha! You''re supposed to protect me!


    Dad? I replied calmly. When he whimpered at me, I thought, you''ll be perfectly safe if you repeat after me.


    But...


    Do you trust me? He went silent, ready and waiting to speak. Yes, dear, whatever you say, dear, my life and punishment is in your capable hands, dear.


    Lyman gulped, pulled Sigyn to lean against him, and murmured in her ear. You''d better know what you''re doing.


    We''ll talk about it Monday.


    Monday?


    I''m gonna be sleeping Sunday, because of who I''m gonna be doing all. Day. Tomorrow. Starting at sunset and not stopping until none of us can move. Y''know, you might want to ignore any mentions of ''God'' until at least Sunday. In fact, make that Monday just to be sure.


    If I am dead by Monday, I will be very put out with you.


    I stepped over to them, pulled him into a hug. "If you ever find yourself dead, whether it''s because of me or not, you know I''ve got you. You won''t stay that way. Y''know why?"


    "Because I am your Patron?" I shook my head. "Because I am your father?" Another headshake, and I smiled at him. "Because I am your friend?"


    I shook my head, pulled him into another hug, and whispered into his ear. "Because you''re the best."


    I... I don''t know how to feel about the fact that my mom was horny on main and my dad was crying happy tears at my wedding. Then again, they spent the rest of the Revel slow dancing no matter the music, so it''s all good in the hood.


    Speaking of music, some time around midafternoon, right as Herbert''s wine barrels and bar food arrived, Jarl Johnson managed to scrounge up half a dozen instruments and musically inclined Cadets. Prior to that the music had been kinda ubiquitous medieval party music. Jigs and fancy dance shit. Stuff that it turns out Siobhan and Karen were feeding to the bit of Apollo in me. Jarl Johnson had no such limitations, and apparently he''d recently given Domnu all his fucks, because he started playing and did not stop. He led and the Cadets followed. The freakiest thing, though, had to be Domnu acting as his stage dancer. Just right up there on the altar, twisting and writhing to the music. No hesitation, no clothes, no shame, not a care in the world except accepting the musical Worship of her most devoted fan and his impromptu band.


    Saffron, Marie and I pulled Siobhan onto the dance floor at that point, although for the most part she just kind of swayed rhythmically. "I''ve not nearly the Endurance of you three, and," her voice dropped to a whisper, "I''m saving that for later."


    Saffron pulled her into a spin, wrapping her up in her own arms, then handing her to Marie. "Do you think that will matter one whit as to your eventual fate?"


    Siobhan giggled, and so did Marie. "Of course not," she said as Marie swung her through a dip, then lifted her smoothly and handed her over to me. "But it will make the journey there be that much longer and enjoyable!"


    We kept dancing until I felt the sun nearing the horizon. I scooped them all up, Saffron and Siobhan in my arms surrounding and clinging to Marie where she blushed in the middle of us. "Okay, ladies. I think it''s time for us to take our leave?"


    "No." Saffron''s tone did not brook argument, but I had to ask.


    "Why?"


    "Because, my beloved Goof," she kissed me, a quick brush of lips. "My lovely Wife." She did the same with Marie. "And my Darling Concubine," she pulled Siobhan around to kiss her as well. "Now that Karen is taking Grandma and the children home to the homestead, we are going to stay here, dancing every more lasciviously, until none of us dare touch, smell, hear, or even look at any of the others, lest we all be overwhelmed and take one another right here on the pavers. Then and only then will we adjourn to the Bedroom and consummate our union with such wild, passionate abandon even our bride''s sisters will stare with shocked and envious awe when she tells them of her wedding night."


    My eyes wide, my breath quickening, I started swaying to the music. "You keep talking like that, that will not take long. Just sayin''."


    Each and every one of Saffron''s Grins formed up on her face, joining into an absolutely devastating mega-Grin as she absolutely leered at each of us in turn, then turned back to me, still Grinning.


    "Oh?" Her tongue darted out as if to taste her next word. "Good."

 Day Six Hundred And Twenty-Nine

    Dear Diary,


    I know I''ve worried a time or two about loving my ladies right, and how our sex life can sometimes go well past what normal people think of as ''kinky'' and straight into shit that would make a cenobite blush. Marie''s wedding night, our wedding night, definitely wound up pushing even my boundaries.


    I''m not talking about those neopuritan ''all sex is bad'', ''gays burn in hell'', ''one vee one only'', ''missionary for procreation'' boundaries I grew up with, either. Honestly, while I get twinges now and then, and still have trouble believing that anybody would not just want me so bad they''d put up with my Just Happening shenanigans, but actively encourage and enjoy them, I''ve mostly shed that shit like a moth coming out of its cocoon, or like a too small bra getting stripped off at the end of a hard day.


    Yeah, I''m talking about some really edgy shit that is, apparently, an unintended consequence of Dionysus'' meddling with the Maenads. I mean, I don''t really have any moral high ground to look down on him after my instinctive visceral reaction to dipping a few inches of Siobhan''s hair into the Maw being ''I promise, I''ll save at least one of her feet for a special gustatory occasion''.


    But here''s the thing; after all''s said and done, I didn''t eat Siobhan, even though she explicitly Consented to it, and her only complaint was whining about Saffron''s whole, ''anticipation until explosion'' plan. I''m doing everything my ladies ask of me that Saffron says is safe, and thus far I''ve enjoyed the fuck out of most of it. The bits we didn''t? Look, when you''re at the all you can eat buffet, you''re gonna find some stuff that''s not for you. You don''t throw a fit, you just move on and find stuff that is.


    Speaking of stuff that is, by some time around midnight Siobhan was a sloppy panting mess who had to be physically held away from the rest of us by one Marie claw around her waist, lest she start dry humping any body part she could wrap her legs around. My beautiful blushing bride was clearly blushing from something entirely different than exertion or shame, obviously contemplating using her new Concubine right there on the dance floor. Funny, sometimes I think Siobhan is Marie''s favorite sex partner, because Saffron wants to be in charge and I hesitate about some stuff, but Siobhan is pretty much universally down for any fuckin'' thing so long as it''s with a girl-type-person.


    Speaking of excessively girl type persons, by midnight Saffron had stopped the tonsil hockey, stopped the slow dancing, even fuckin'' stopped gyrating in front of all of us.


    I grinned at her and said, "tired already?"


    She looked up at me, mouth hanging open just a touch, and growled, "can''t move to much without... consequences."


    My own grin got a little open mouthed and sloppy just hearing the heat in her words. The gremlin in me popped up and said, "so one good brush along your side and everybody gets to see the Imperator''s O face?"


    She ground her teeth, eyes flashing, as I stepped toward her, one hand out. Marie grabbed my hand midway, looked at Saffron, and begged, "Bedroom?"


    Saffron snerked. "I seem to have made a strategic error. I''m not sure how to Translocate us in this state without spoiling it."


    I laughed, tipping my head back just to feel the rush, then said, "so, Kitten, it''s Bedroom time?"


    "As our Wife requested, yes."


    "Siobhan?"


    "Call me darling?" she pouted.


    "No, ''cause I do that right now you''re gonna pop," I turned to look her in the eyes. "And popping that particular balloon is your newest Mistress'' treat tonight."


    "The first among many," panted Saffron.


    "Yeah, yeah, yeah." Just to clarify, I''d shoved well past the ''need it want it gotta have it'' into the ''all Rizz active, wreck their virtue until orgasm is a state of being rather than an experience'' zone. "Siobhan, gently, so she can''t feel it, grab a hank of Saffron''s hair." She reached out and laced her fingers through Saffron''s curls, closing her grip firmly on them without tugging. "That''s enough."


    "I wanted to be called a Good Girl," pouted Siobhan. Normally I''d find all the pouting a little much, but we''d done this to her on purpose, and even if she Consented that implied a certain Duty of Care.


    "Yeah, no, same reason I''m not calling you by the other thing... Yet."


    I''d heard that indrawn breath, seen that tension in her before. So close to the edge, just waiting for permission or a shove to dive over. I raised my voice to be heard across the Yard and hollered, "Thank you all for coming today! We''re gonna go home and do that our own selves! G''night!"


    I stepped into Marie, shoving her ass onto the Bed, my tentacles wrapping around Siobhan and Saffron''s waists, ankles and wrists, holding them still. Okay, they each got pretty firmly planted, Siobhan on the divan, Saffron against the mirror above her. Both of them whimpered, and Saffron panted out, "T... Tabitha. Close."


    I snickered. "Is that like ''danger close'', in that I''m gonna get hit by flying debris when you explode? I mean, you don''t normally squirt or anything like that, but I guess you could do partial or full boy mode and just spray all of us down, like a one woman homage to Peter North. I''m not gonna complain if you do. Pretty sure nobody else will." I turned away from Marie for a moment to grin at her. I briefly considered just rubbing them against each other until they popped like balloons with too much static, but then I remembered I had a bride, a brand spanking new Wife to do. Shit, spanking would probably count as ''really mild foreplay'' for my marvelous Maenad.


    I turned back to her, stepping close to her, between her outstretched legs, her skirts rustling against my pant legs. "So. Mittens." She smiled. "Marie." Her smile got bigger. "Wife." Her smile crossed that line into radiance, suffused with anticipation. "I''m gonna take that dress off you now."


    "How?"


    I stopped. "Still haven''t decided. Before I do... you want me to do it dressed like this?" She paused, considering, then shook her head. "You want to see me naked?" She nodded. "You want me to do it?" She nodded again. "Hmm... slow or fast?"


    Her mouth worked a couple times, then she whimpered out, "fast?"


    I pulled my top hat off, and with the motion of flinging it away, banished every bit of my tux. I half turned and raised an eyebrow at Saffron, who ogled my ass like it might go away or something. I pulled her a couple inches away from where she''d begun to writhe against the wall, then banished her tux as well. Then I stared a few moments as her writhing did incredibly distracting things to her breasts.


    Siobhan whined out, "what about me?"


    I looked at her, chuckling. "You, Concubine, would have a gag in your mouth right now, but I think you''d literally get off on it. Oh, and hearing you be all needy and shit is turning me on way, way more than it could possibly annoy me. You''re keeping that habit on until I sort out whether I''m banishing this dress, taking it off carefully, or tearing the wrapping paper off my new toy like a kid with a present." She made confused Siobhan noises until I said, "oh, I am definitely tearing the clothes off someone very soon, I''m just not sure which one of you."


    As Siobhan''s inarticulate noises when from pouty confusion to eager anticipation, Marie looked up at me and said, "Both?"


    I took a deep breath as she shifted, the lace of her dress sliding across my calves, my knees, my lower thighs. "You want that?" She nodded like a bobblehead, and I threaded tentacles through her dress, through the lingerie beneath it. "Want me to leave everything you''re wearing nothing but shredded fragments?" Her head practically vibrated up and down, her tongue lolling as she smiled. "Okay, two questions though. Can you fix it?" She got a real shifty face, and I asked, "are you going to fix it?" She shook her head slowly, sensually, and I caught on immediately. "Are you gonna stare at the shredded remains while you masturbate at some point in the future?" She nodded. "A lot of points?" More head nodding. "Maybe even take a few handfuls just to feel the texture of that lace against your nipples, against your clit?" She tilted her head, eyes going wide, like she hadn''t thought of that. Then her mouth slipped open and she twitched out a single nod. I leaned forward, letting her feel my tentacles gripping her clothing as I took a handful of her d¨¦colletage in each hand, clenching my hands into fists as I did. "Can I watch?"


    She blepped, looked at the mirror above her while she considered, then huskily whispered, "Sometimes."


    "Yay. Now, second question. Are you gonna come?" She nodded. "From me rending your dress asunder, leaving your beauty exposed for all of us to marvel at?"


    "Maybe."


    I paused, holding her still by a firm grip on every part of her dress. "Consider this carefully, Wife, because you only get one chance at this. Is that how you want your first orgasm as a married woman to happen?"


    She had another moment of wondering self-discovery, and her smile got even wider. "No."


    "Just thought of what you want, huh?" She nodded. "Okay then. Don''t come from this then."


    She blepped at me again, her face mischievous as she said, "Try."


    Gently, like handling live explosives, I slid Saffron to one side and Siobhan to the other, never taking my gaze off Marie''s. "So you guys can see this. Just in case." Then I turned back to Marie. "Want a countdown?" She considered a moment, then nodded. My words coming out in a husky growl without intending to, I leaned in a little more and asked, "want me to lie about it?"


    She considered a moment more, opened her mouth to answer, and I flexed. Yanked. Sundered her dress into hundreds of fragments, ripping her corset straight down through her cleavage like I''d ripped her tee shirt, snapping the cords on her underwear, using the length of my tentacles to rip her long stockings clean off, taking her shoes with them. She lay there, shuddering, balanced on a razor''s edge, and I whispered, "isn''t she beautiful, ladies?" Her claws raked at the sheets, punching straight through into the mattress as she grit her teeth and swallowed. The smell of her sex filled the room, although I realized a moment later that it might be a little stronger near me, with my tentacles dangling her stockings and panties inches away from my ears.


    I wafted them over near Siobhan and Saffron. "Doesn''t she even smell beautiful?" Both of them whimpered, and I looked back to Marie, who''d found her balance right on that razor''s edge. "Close?"


    "Duh."


    "So. How do you want your first orgasm as a married woman to happen?"


    I watched her, watched her gaze into the mirror and track down and to the side until it rested on Siobhan. "Share."


    The Marie translation portion of my Blend was working overtime tonight. "You want your first time to be sharing our delightfully cool Ice Pop with Saffron and I?"


    "Yes." she gasped, wobbling along the razor.


    "In her habit, to make her take longer, or naked, so we can all see how pretty she is as we use her?" I turned to Siobhan, who practically defined, ''eager puppy'' at this point. Shit, she was even panting with her tongue out through her grin. "I''d offer lingerie, but somebody''s taken to not wearing any."


    Marie''s lips curved. "Midnight."


    I took a moment to pay attention to my own state of affairs. Close. Ready. Enjoying the ride too much to stop now, though. "I kinda wanna see that dressplosion thing again. You think?" Marie nodded. "You wanna do it, or...?" She froze, then whimpered. "Too close?" She nodded. "Can you see?" I shifted to the side a little, and she nodded, her eyes wide and almost as eager as Siobhan''s.


    I turned to Siobhan, threading tentacles through her habit, her robes, puling them away from her to prevent too much skin contact. "You ready?"


    "Am... am I ever?" she panted out.


    "Don''t come." She whimpered. "Marie wants the three of us to share that." She closed her eyes, shuddering. "Soon, I promise. Ice. Pop." She bit her lip, hard enough I think she might have drawn blood, and nodded. No countdown, no banter, I pulled her forward as I shredded every bit of clothing on her, slapping the corset and stockings of Glowing Midnight onto her as I yanked her right past me, lowering her within reach of our tightrope walking Murder Mittens.


    Marie wrapped her claws around Siobhan''s thighs, pulled her up, dragging Siobhan''s sex along her belly, over her breasts, and right up to her mouth, where Saffron and I could both see her in the headboard mirror. Her face, mouth going slack and eyes fluttering closed, her whole front down to where Marie stared up at her.


    I slipped my thighs around one of Marie''s, lifting one of her legs up onto my shoulder, caressing it as I did, sliding up her thigh until we rubbed together. Siobhan leaned backwards as the freefall before the orgasm hit her. Saffron whimpered over my shoulder, so I checked the fit, decided it was perfect, and gently pulled Siobhan backwards until the back of her head rested against Marie''s belly. "Remember Penance day?" Siobhan''s eyes fluttered open, just far enough, just aware enough that when she licked her lips I knew she knew what I meant. "Show her what you showed me."


    I pulled Saffron around, settled her across Siobhan''s face, and watched as Saffron''s orgasm took her right then, her eyes staring into mine, her mouth dropping open as Siobhan''s hands slipped up over her breasts. I took the open invitation of her mouth and kissed her, plunging my tongue down her throat as deep as Siobhan''s thrust up into her. I ground my hips against Marie''s, each thrust tipping her further off the razor''s edge until she thought, Share?


    Okay then. I reached around Saffron to fondle her ass, then slipped my hands further to fondle Siobhan''s breasts. Her twitching hit another level as her nipples stiffened further. I ran my palms across her nipple tips and thought,


    Spice? Even Siobhan''s mental voice slurred at this point. Marie''s tongue, my hands, even the taste, smell, and feel of Saffron bucking her hips against her face as she came shoving our Darling to greater heights of ecstasy.


    I slipped a tentacle along the crack of Siobhan''s ass, incidentally slipping more around Marie''s breasts, ticking all of her nipples. Spice, Darling?


    Siobhan''s mental vocalizations went completely nonverbal, but Marie growled out, Spice!


    Sorry, Darling, the one in the wedding dress is always right! I slipped a tentacle up Siobhan''s ass, thrusting in time to my grinding against Marie. Then did the same to Marie for good measure. Okay, not so much ''slipped'' as ''rammed'' in her case, because she''d reached those long, sharp claws up and dragged them across my nipples. Saffron raked her fingernails down my back, finally driving them into my ass and clutching convulsively as she came. I kinda lost all sense of restraint at that point, thrusting my tongue into Saffron, my tentacles into Marie and Siobhan, my hips against Marie''s as her free leg wrapped around me, pulling me in harder with each thrust. I let go of restraint, of control, of my orgasm as I screamed it down Saffron''s throat, slammed it against Marie''s mound, grabbed at Siobhan and Marie''s nipples both to thrust deeper into them, to grind harder against her, and Marie roared her own orgasm into Siobhan so hard my palms quivered with vibration.


    I kinda lost track of everything but my whole body twitching for a while. I kinda felt it when one of the others did the same. When I drifted back down to myself, Saffron and Siobhan both lay curled around their bellies, still groaning slightly. Marie ran her claws across her still stiff nipples, smiled at me, and whispered, "Wonderful."


    Right about then I noticed Saffron''s fingers slipping between her legs, so I whispered, "hair of the dog?"


    Her brain still not spun back up to Saffron speeds, which I had no intention of letting it do for a while, she looked up at me in confusion. That''s when I slipped a dozen hair fine tentacles between her and her fingers, pulling her hands away and just as gently, firmly, inexorably slipping them over, around, and into her. "Good Kittens get pets until they purr." She blepped, and I whispered, "let your Attack Dog take care of this for you, Saff."


    Her eyes popped open, her body stiffening, and I redoubled my efforts, a few more tentacles going around one breast while I lay my hand on the other and started fondling. Her smile widened and her eyes slipped closed at that.


    Meanwhile Siobhan shuddered and whimpered as Marie''s claws ran down her back. Not enough to leave damp welts like Saffron had done to me, just enough to tickle, but the whimpers came through anyhow. "Oh. It looks like our poor little Ice Pop is almost entirely melted. We''ll have to put her on the divan to rest until she firms up again."


    "Stabilize?" she whimpered.


    "Oh, no, Darling. Every time we use you up tonight, I''m going to lay you gently on the divan and let you come back to us naturally. Until and unless you don''t." She stiffened up a little, absolutely with both fear and desire. "Don''t worry, Darling. What''s the worst that could happen?" She whimpered again. "If you die, you know I''m going to Revive you when we''re done for the night." More whimpering, although FOMO didn''t seem to light her fires like fear of death. "When... I mean if that happens, it''s not like we can fuck your Soul to death after all."


    That got her. She started panting. "Saffron?"


    "Yes, dear?" she murmured as I gently nudged her closer to another orgasm.


    "If Darling falls unconscious, please feed everything we''re doing directly into her brain while she lays there attempting to rest."


    "Oh, yes, dear!" I couldn''t tell if her excitement came from the thought of getting to bombard Siobhan with brain pr0n or her rapidly nearing climax. Then the point became moot as she stiffened and shook, and I got another idea and said, "while you''re coming, take Siobhan''s consciousness away."


    Siobhan''s eyes popped open at that, her head popping up the tiniest bit until I grabbed her ankles and dragged her to Saffron''s waiting, moaning, eager mouth.


    I pulled my brand new... okay, very lightly used, like just a test drive to get her into the showroom... wife up into an eyes wide open smiling kiss, enjoying the mix of Siobhan''s sex and Mare''s mouth as I did. Eyes wide open as I looked into her adoring eyes and adored her right back, at least at first. Then she glanced over to where Siobhan tensed and flopped and moaned, Saffron''s arms clamped around her thighs to keep her pinned to pleasuring. I still hadn''t stopped with the little tentacles, and I heard an echo of Saffron''s pleasure from between Siobhan''s legs. I kept things slow and gentle, letting her enjoy a long, slow climax, but she absolutely did the opposite with Siobhan, driving her to the heights of pleasure a second time, then a third, and then Marie and I broke our kiss with a giggle as we watched our Darling collapse, boneless, to the mattress.


    Just as I said I would, I lifted her gently and wafted her over to the divan, where I arranged her on her side, arms beneath her head, her face turned so the first thing she saw on waking would be the three of us in the throes of passion.


    Sure as fuck my favorite view to wake up to.


    "I''ll... remember... that..." Saffron gasped out, because I definitely hadn''t let her stop. Her face shone slick from Siobhan, and Marie and I both leaned in to lick her face clean while she alternated between giggles and shudders. "Oh... fuck... me..."


    We took turns kissing her, then I waved a hand from Marie to Saffron. "After you."


    Marie''s grin got wider, and she slipped a finger inside Saffron, whose eyes popped wide open, then slid half closed again. "Nice," she panted. Then Marie slipped another finger in, crushing my tentacles against her walls. "That''s Tabitha''s... K..."


    "Share?" Marie whispered.


    Saffron shuddered, looked at me, and said, "Attack Dog?"


    "Yes, my Imperator?"


    "Whatever this delightfully demanding Wife of ours sticks in me, I insist you stick something twice as large in her." By the way Marie''s eyes lit up, I knew Saffron had hit pay dirt.


    "As you wish." I slipped a host of tentacles in a variety of sizes around behind Marie. Who just grinned wider, moved her tail out of the way, and cocked her hips up for easy access as she slipped her pinky claw into Saffron''s ass. "Might get a little tricky getting something exactly twice the size, though."


    "Err on the side of..." Saffron gasped as Marie''s claws plunged into her up to the second knuckle, a third joining the first two. "tearing this crazy adorable bitch in half."


    I shrugged. "Okay." Gremlin me took over as I grabbed Marie''s hips with tentacles big enough to hold even her in place, then plunged another set into her. "Yeah, the view''s not quite... can''t see exactly..." With each word I shifted down until my legs settled around Saffron''s face. I lowered myself down, and her teeth closed over me just hard enough to let me know she''d known exactly what I was doing. Then her tongue brushed across me, the vibration of her ongoing climactic moan bringing an answering wave of heat from me.


    Marie''s claws, all five now inside of Saffron one way or another, plunged into my Kitten over and over, faster, harder, rougher, and I reciprocated by fucking her even faster, even harder, with not a fucking ounce of regard to anything but riding her harder than she rode our tiny tyrant, whose tongue wore away at any restraint I had until I came, Marie''s roaring face rising up to meet me, her orgasm echoing down my throat into my lungs. I breathed her in as we all shuddered yet again. Slowly, ever so slowly, the waves of orgasm receded, rising again each time any of us did so much as twitch.


    Eventually giggles interspersed themselves in Saffron''s moans, and that set the other two of us off. After a few rounds of that, Saffron shoved me off, pulled Marie''s hand out of her, and slipped a claw into her mouth, savoring the taste of herself on Marie.


    "Hey, that''s my favorite flavor!" I protested as she slipped the last finger into her mouth and suckled.


    She slipped it out, sucking Marie''s fur clean, and frowned. "What you did to Marie earlier looked so fun. Well, what I saw before you had Siobhan take away my ability to think. Marie?"


    "Wife?"


    Saffron lost a few moments to blushing at that, then looked me in the eye and said, "show this one how it''s done." Marie be quick, Marie be sneaky, Marie had me lying on the edge of the bed in no time flat. "No, not that. Not yet." Marie be the tiniest bit pouty, but lifted me and flung me around to lie flat in the middle of the bed, one leg up, the other between her legs, her clit rubbing against mine. "Since you like the flavor so much, though," Saffron lowered herself down over my face. The last thing I saw before I had her thighs acting as impromptu ear protection was Marie leaning in to kiss her. My world narrowed to the taste of my Kitten and Marie rubbing against me, her pace quickening as Saffron rode my face. I''m not sure who came first. I think it was me, but whoever it was set the other two off, and once again we found ourselves stuck in a shuddering round robin of twitches and aftershocks.


    The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.


    We tried that another couple times, each of us taking a turn in that Gloriously overwhelming bottom position, not to mention the other two. New favorite trio configuration found.


    After a while doing that, midway between midnight and dawn, Marie stopped us from another round, grinning as she tapped us both on the crotch and extended a finger suggestively. "Aww. Does Wifey Murder Mittens want cock?" She nodded, grinning. "Dick?" More nodding, grin getting wider. "Penis?" She snorted, almost giggling, then shot me a ''get on with it, I wanna get skewered'' kinda look. "Boy cock?" She got a speculative look, and I shapeshifted just enough to acquiesce to the core of her request. "Or girl cock?" She looked down, nodded enthusiastically, then writhed around until she lay on her back with her feet braced against the headboard and her head dangling off the edge of the bed. With a pointed glance at Saffron, she opened her mouth wide, her tongue slipping up to cover her chin. I chuckled, my breath through my nose burning a little as I smelled the funk of our activities and it pushed me to want to feel Marie''s vagina squeezing me as I thrust into her. Boy cock, girl cock, both of them just made for rampant horny stupidity. "Looks like you get to be the brave one today."


    Saffron, shapeshifted just as much as I was, looked up at me. "How do you know she wants me like that?" Marie''s legs curled around me, pulling me to her. "Dammit." She stood, walked to the end of the bed and down the stairs, then lined herself up. "You don''t intend to bite me, do you?"


    Marie''s grin got a big dose of Gremlin right then. "Maybe."


    "I swear, if you bite my dick off I''m not sticking it in you again." Marie pouted, and Saffron facepalmed and sighed. "Until I''m fully healed and stupid horny enough to do this again."


    Marie squeaked out, "Yay!" and opened her mouth, closing her eyes, grabbing Saffron''s hands, and pulling them down to her breasts. Very coincidentally sliding Saffron''s tip into her mouth.


    "Is this as deep as you want me to go?" Tiny headshake, so as not to dislodge Saffron, who slid incrementally deeper. "Gently?" Another headshake, this one just a tiny bit more vigorous. I saw in Saffron''s fluttering eyes the same heat that had captured me, and without thinking about it I mirrored her, taking a grip on Marie''s thighs, lifting her just enough, and slipping into her. After panting for a few heavy breaths, Saffron growled out. "Breasts?" Marie lifted one of her massive claws up, spanning both of my Kitten''s magnificent mammaries. Her other snaked around Saffron''s thighs, clutching at her, groping her. Maybe goosing her a little as she jerked forward, sliding almost all the way into Marie''s mouth.


    Marie whined a little as we both froze, looking at each other across her. "You want us to fuck you?" I asked.


    One whimpering nod, and Saffron, quivering, barely holding herself still, clutching at Marie''s breasts, growled out, "you want this to be a contest of which of us can fuck you harder?"


    Marie kicked the metaphoric chocks away from our wheels with a roared, YES! piped directly into our brains. I didn''t think. I didn''t hold back. Some tiny part of me wanted to make sure that my Wifey Murder Mittens enjoyed this, but most of me... most of me just went to town fucking her. I paid absolutely no mind to her legs, her tail, all wrapping around my waist, urging me deeper. She clenched around me, and I drove myself deeper into her. My eyes opened; I hadn''t even realized they''d slipped closed. As the first trickling pulses of my own orgasm clutched at me, I groaned out, "bigger?"


    She whined an affirmative, and Saffron''s eyes shot open as well, raw animal ferocity coloring her voice when she said, "you want bigger? Fine, I can do bigger."


    I swelled inside Marie, shapeshifting until she clutched around me, the first waves of her orgasm pulsing against me as I hammered myself into her just as she''d asked, my lust ramping up as I watched Marie''s throat distend as Saffron did the same. The first wave of cum shot out of me, washing around me as it filled her, and Saffron shouted out an agonized, "you bitch! You..." her scream descended into agonized moans of pleasure as Marie''s hand locked in place behind her, one claw plunging into Saffron''s ass in rhythm with my own frenzied fucking. Marie''s throat pulsed as she swallowed in that same rhythm, mercilessly ripping Saffron''s orgasm from her. My Kitten''s hands slipped from Marie''s breasts, and Saffron''s eyes rolled back in her head as Marie kept swallowing, kept massaging Saffron''s cock with her throat in time with my utterly uncontrolled orgasmic thrusts.


    Eventually, when I settled, Marie slipped her hands away from Saffron, who stumbled backward and only avoided landing on Siobhan because Ice Pop, who had woken up while we spit roast our Wifiest of Wifeys, pulled herself out of the way. I chuckled and said, "Yeah, I think I liked the other way better. Less aftershocks this way."


    "Aftershocks?" Saffron whined. "Aftershocks? Aftershocks!" She grabbed Siobhan by the hair, holding her back from putting her head in Saffron''s lap. "She bit me!"


    Marie let out an absolute Muttley snicker and growled out, "Marked."


    "Marked?" Saffron choked out, shifting back to full girl mode and looking down. "Marked? I have a clitoral hood piercing now!"


    Marie just chuckled again, nodding upside down as she licked her lips. "Marked."


    Siobhan leaned in. "I''ll make it all better." By her pose, she fully intended to deliver said Healing with her lips.


    At that point Marie growled out, "Concubine..."


    Siobhan looked up, impatience in her eyes. "I can Heal without removing piercings, you big furry Mistress you."


    Marie started purring, her tail rubbing across my back, and let out a final satisfied, "Marked."


    Before Saffron could say anything, as I slipped out of Marie and back to fully my own shape, I said, "you did look like you kinda enjoyed it, Kitten."


    "I DIDN''T... Not... Enjoy it," she wound up muttering. "It startled me. And it hurt."


    "Spice?" asked Marie.


    At that point Saffron laughed, then hissed a little bit as Siobhan used her moment of inattention to deliver that Healing she''d been holding on to. "Sorry, Mistress," she said when she came up for air. Weirdest thing, she really did sound sorry.


    Saffron, her hand still twined through Siobhan''s hair, pulled her up and kissed her while Marie and I lounged there, watching. After a bit Saffron pulled her away and said, "you''re fine, and more than fine, Darling. Mmm... Darling mouth and Wife mouth and the faintest tang of salt."


    "You know some people don''t like all those tastes?" I asked.


    "Some people are uncultured," Saffron snapped back, then spread her legs and looked at her own lap. Then she stood and looked at herself in the mirror, fingers pushing herself around as a tiny smile grew across her lips. She turned, flopped back onto the divan next to Siobhan, and frowned at Marie. "You will buy me jewelry for this."


    Marie reached for Saffron, waving her closer. "Come."


    Saffron snorted. "Just did that. Very intensely." She still stood and took the few steps until Marie caught her by the thighs. "I''m a little surprised I didn''t hurt your throat. I was... a bit... I lost control."


    "Yes." Marie purred out, sliding the drawer beneath her head open. "Tasty." She added as she pulled something from the drawer. "Passionate." She continued as she pulled Saffron closer, then slipped a two-pronged hoop through the two little silts in Saffron''s hood, a silvery ring slipping around her clit. "Perfect." She blepped, then pulled Saffron close and kissed her new ring.


    When she let Saffron step back, my Kitten looked down and said, "that looks like... is it?"


    Marie reached out, took Saffron''s hand, and gently lay her fingers on the ring. A moment later a quiet buzz filled the room, and Saffron shuddered. "Oh... Oh, lovely Maenad. I forgive you for startling me. Forgive my lack of absolute trust in you?"


    "Wife." Purred Marie, gently nudging Saffron back to the divan, where she plonked her bodacious butt down next to Siobhan and snuggled her close.


    At that point a terrible, dark, fey grin stretched Saffron''s lips. "Speaking of marking..." She pointed at Marie. "Across the end of the bed, now." Marie twisted away from me, lying across the foot of the bed, one leg up to brace her foot against the ceiling. Saffron frowned, and Marie pulled her own leg back, looking at me expectantly. Saffron shook her head. "Not yet... Wife."


    Marie''s incipient pout evaporated at that one word, and she flopped her leg down flat.


    "Tabitha, come here."


    Not wanting to disturb my Mittens, I rolled to stand in front of Saffron, smirking at her. "Sure. I''m always down for that. Mouth? Scissor? Hands? Ooh, tell me it''s hands?"


    Saffron''s grin got even eviler. She pushed me back with one hand, then turned that hand palm up. One of my sword staves dropped into it. "Hands, yes. Mine, no."


    I swallowed, suddenly aware of what she and Marie expected of me. "It''s safe?"


    "As safe as it can be."


    "That''s not super reassuring. How safe?"


    Saffron rolled her eyes while Marie whined. "Safe enough that if you hurry, I fully expect you''ll be, as promised, filling her with kittens shortly after sunrise."


    The word ''promise'' reminded me that wasn''t the only thing I''d promised. I took a deep breath and checked the sun. Maybe fifteen minutes until the sun rose. "Shit!" I turned to Marie. "I, uh, don''t have lots and lots of time to work." I slipped my sword staff in two, then put one half to the side. "Will one cut do?" She shook her head. "How many?" She frowned at me. I closed my eyes, sighed, then stared into my wife''s eyes. "You want more than that." She nodded confirmation. I nodded back. "Where? Quick, quick, time is wasting. I promised my tiger Wifey she''d have kittens in her by the end of Saturday, but I draw the line at impregnating corpses. Even if they''ll come back to life on Sunday."


    Marie blepped, laughing, as Saffron muttered, "wouldn''t work like that anyhow."


    Before I could say anything else to Marie, she said, "Ankles. Knees. Hips. Wrists. Elbows. Shoulders. Neck."


    I blew a deep breath through my nose, then picked up the other half of my sword staff. I slid the flat of it''s blade under her ankle and looked at her. "Chop or slice?"


    Her eyes popped at that, and she only thought for a moment before saying, "Alternate."


    I checked the sun. Minutes ticking away second by second. I brought my other blade around, blade chopping right through Marie''s ankle. Blood splattered across the sheets, covering both blades. A growling, panting, proto roar leaked out of her. "Shit, I hurt you!"


    "NO!" She growled out, and when I glanced at her face, that was not a face that showed anything other than a desire for more of what she''d just had.


    "You... enjoy this?" She nodded, as if she didn''t trust herself not to yell at me. I turned back to her other ankle, switching blades and running the edge along her ankle while pressing down, the way I''d seen her do with countless cuts of meat over the past few weeks. Even more blood gushed out across the sheets, across my arms. A hissing roar leaked out of her, and I glanced up to see her eyes rolling as she shuddered. "Uh, I kinda need to hurry."


    She looked at me, tongue lolling, and panted out, "Faster!"


    I stopped thinking. Slice and chop, chop and slice, blood covered my arms, my belly, my thighs. My perception narrowed to the joint in front of me and the increasing urgency and passion in Marie''s hisses and roars. Finally she lay there, limbless, so obviously on edge I couldn''t deny it, while I stood there with blood dripping down my back, for fuck''s sake. Less than a minute left. I slipped one blade behind her, lay the other against her throat. "See you at sunrise... Wife."


    "Kiss?" I bent forward, lay my lips against hers, and sawed down through her neck. Her lips writhed against mine, the most passionate lips only kiss she''d ever given me. Her tongue had gone still the moment I decapitated her. Her lips went still, and I pulled back to look at what I''d done.


    The faintest edges of horror teased at me as Saffron said, "I''d put those away, love."


    I dropped them, disappearing them to wherever our clothes went when we banished them.


    The sun rose. My breath caught as the glow I''d seen before didn''t materialize. I opened my mouth, although whether to scream, to cry, to curse at Saffron or scream Marie''s name I''m not sure, because I stopped breathing as the center of her belly blackened, the circle spreading outward as fast as the glow had, leaving pure white unbloodied fur behind it. Her limbs and even her head disintegrated as the circle spread, leaving new limbs behind them.


    Limbs with thick, black rings along each of the cuts I''d made.


    Then with a final, echoing, orgasmic roar, she pounced on me, tackle glomping me into the wall, her mouth devouring mine, her tongue plunging into me like she wanted to taste test my intestines or some shit. Honestly at that point I think I would have let her, and I was doing my best to force my own tongue into her as much as hers was in me. Without even thinking about what I was doing, I shoved her backwards onto the edge of the bed. I slid one leg up as her eyes popped wide open, grinding our hips together in the same way we''d done so many times before tonight. I slipped her leg down flat on the mattress, and she just grinned at me, her hands urging me against her.


    Lingering fury over her death mingled with burgeoning lust, and I growled out, "You like this?" Tongue blep. "You want more?" Head nod. "Harder?" Nod, nod. "You want me to rip your fuckin'' leg off as you come?"


    A long, growling whine vibrated both of us where I pressed against her, and she gasped out, "Please, Love."


    I reared back, whipping my leg around to step on her ankle, hold it flat against the mattress. My arms went around her neck, her shoulders, and I rode her like that until a rumbling orgasmic roar started in her belly. "Fine." I yanked her upright, swallowing her roar and her tongue as we shuddered against one another. I yanked at her with every wave of the orgasm that crashed over me, and she responded like I''d slipped a feather across her still sensitive clit, with shudders and aftershocks and nipping growls.


    "Very Spicy." She smiled at me as I let her slip far enough away to look her in the eyes.


    My own tongue lolled out a little as I basked in the afterglow, holding her breasts and belly to my own. "You like?"


    "Very Much." She nodded, smiling.


    "Ready to lose the use of your other leg?" I asked, grabbing her thigh and flopping it around. It hadn''t torn free, but the femur had popped clean out of the socket, and now only meat and skin and sinew held her leg on.


    She winced as I did that, but I also saw her crack her eye open, peeking at my reaction. "Not Sure."


    I shrugged, my grin feral as I said, "eh, too bad." Then I flipped her around and repeated the process. As I held her upright afterward, her legs twitching a bit as the aftershocks shook her, I said, "Sorry."


    "Don''t Be." She nuzzled my neck. "Thank You."


    "So. Is my Wife satisfied with her lack of mobility?"


    The impudent adorable bitch had the stones to frown, look down, run her claws over her hips, even flopping her own thighs a little, then lay her claws back on her hips and say, "Not Broken." She grabbed my waist and pulled us closer together. "Not Shattered." Smiling at me as she ran her claws up my back, drawing a shuddering hiss from me, she enunciated each syllable of, "Not Granulated."


    I realized something right then, reaching up with trembling fingers to brush the thick black stripe around her neck. As she shuddered with undisguised, shameless pleasure, I asked, "your... Is it easier for you to talk now?"


    She blinked at that, and her smile stretched until it shone radiantly. "It Is!" She pulled me into a long, lingering kiss. After, she pulled away, she reached down between us, fingers brushing across my belly, across my pussy, and eventually coming to rest on her own belly. "Vlickies? FILL."


    I laughed at the sheer domineering desire in her voice, shapeshifting my girl cock right into her. Which is when Saffron stood up and said, "about that."


    We both looked at her. She looked down at where I''d lay Marie back, her head pillowed by her own calves. "I take it you want our Goof to shatter your pelvis to mush while she fertilizes you?" Marie didn''t answer, just nodded eagerly like the baby crazy freak I loved. "Well then." She slid open the lower drawer and pulled out what looked like a tiny tub of hand cream or lip balm. Pointing at me, she said, "you, love, will need to shapeshift the rest of the way to, as you call it, ''boy mode''."


    "Really?"


    "I''m afraid so, love."


    I shrugged. Not like I hadn''t had plenty of, like, normal me fun tonight. I shifted fully over to boy mode, and the feel of Marie warm and wet around me, snug and twitching snugger by the second, had me grabbing her by the back of the neck and slipping out in preparation to wreck her fucking pelvis. By fucking.


    "Stop." Saffron''s tone locked my hips in place, like a piledriver held up waiting to fall.


    "What now?" I growled. I had a pelvis to destroy and a womb to populate. I snerked as part of me realized exactly how blind feral rut beast I was getting, but mostly just held myself there, ready to see how Marie liked her cervix impaled. Which sounded painful, but so did being sliced to pieces.


    Saffron looked up from where she''d shorn Marie''s fur down to the skin with a Mana Blade, then painted a symbol on Marie''s belly with a thick henna-like paste. From where I stood looking down at it, it looked kinda like an abstract of a cock punching through a wall. "There. That Blessing should maximize the chances of you successfully quickening a child within her."


    Marie smiled up at me, her mouth dropping open. "Children, Please."


    I glanced over at Saffron, who stood there with maybe half a pot of that paste left. "Now?"


    Saffron leaned in, pulling my mouth down to kiss me as Marie tried to twitch her hips and whined. When she pulled away, she glanced down at Marie with a terrifying grin, then back to me and said, "fill her womb to bursting, Goof."


    I''m really not sure what she did at that point. Since after I''d slammed my cock inside my precious tiger Wifey until a yowling orgasm made my ears ring and I blasted her innards with baby batter, she was sitting there with Siobhan in her lap, both of them grinning like idiots, I guess she went and sat down to watch.


    Meanwhile Marie growled, ripped her claws through the mattress, and said, "Too Soft."


    I looked down at her, sucked my teeth and said, "too soft?" She nodded. I glanced at the solid stone wall, then back at her, and she nodded as eagerly as Siobhan had ever done about being dropped over the Maw. "Okay." I grabbed her wrist, pulled both of her ankles behind her neck, and closed her claw over them. "Hold those there." I lifted her, enjoying her reaction as her weight settled on my hips, pushing my cock further into her. then I carried her to the wall and held her inches away from it. "Harder?" She nodded. "Mercy?"


    She wrapped her arm around my back, claws pricking my shoulders, and whispered, "None, Please."


    I growled at her, pumped Mana into my muscles, into my skin, and hammered her into the wall. I fucked her like I was tryna nail her jello legs to the wall, and she yowled out her mounting lust until she came again, raking her claws across my back as I spasmed inside her, slamming her into the wall with each pulse until at the height of my orgasm, a crack rang through the room.


    I slipped an arm around her, holding her legs behind her as she hissed, and checked the wall. The mountain had not, in fact, broken, I turned and smiled at her. "Broken."


    She sniffed, dismissive, but smiling too hard to keep up the ruse. "Barely Cracked." I gaped at her in disbelief, and she begged, "Harder, Please."


    So I did it again, harder. This time her hips crunched as her orgasm drew another from me, my back glistening with sweat and blood. Before I even finished enough to look, she opened her eyes and glared at me. "HARDER!"


    The room shook as I took her, devouring her mouth as I hammered her into the wall like I was tryna drill a tunnel through to the Bore. Again she dragged an orgasm from me as she came, and this time her pelvis crackled and crunched like rice cereal as I filled her yet again. She reached up, hot breath blowing across my face, grabbed her own ankles, and yanked them down, hard, hissing as she did, her vagina clamping down on me. So strange, without anything for the muscles to attach to. Reminded me of the time with Saffron and I as Kraken.


    Marie''s claws settled on my shoulders, she looked me in the eye, and she begged, "More. Please."


    Holding her up with one hand, tangling the other in her hair, I looked her in the eyes and said, "I can''t really kill you like this, can I?" Her eyes lit up as she shook her head. I blew out a lungful of air as her twisting, her writhing, her soft lustful whimpers in my ear called to the dark side of me, and I realized that with Marie, like this, I had no reason whatsoever to hold back. "I''m just gonna recreationally rearrange your guts and blow you up like a spooge water ballon, K?"


    She nipped at my neck, sank the tips of her claws into my shoulders, and whispered, "About Time."


    Mana ripped through me, dark and lustful and full of hungry need. My skin like iron, my muscles steel, I held her eyes open and stared into them as I gave an entirely new meaning to the word ''smash''. Blood ran down my back, and more ran down the wall from hers, forcing me to grab her ankles and hold them above us to keep her suspended where I could turn her pelvis to so much bonemeal. She roared, and I roared back at her, light flaring from our connected crotches. Before I could slow down, before I could even speak, she roared out, "More! MORE!"


    I shapeshifted bigger. Height. Length. Girth. Her eyes filled with unalloyed Joy as I crushed her against the wall again and again and again. I... I wasn''t ignoring her, but my own orgasm flooded into me, carried me away from myself as I inundated her womb with cum once more. The echoes of her roar died away as I slowed to a stop, shifting back to my normal size, if not my normal shape.


    My arms slick, I lifted her from the blood soaked wall and carried her gently over to the bed, where I lay her down on the end of it. "Okay, Wife. Your pelvis is far beyond any kind of natural healing, right?"


    She stuck her tongue out at me. "Not Sparagmos."


    Before I could respond, Saffron hopped up, walked over, and brushed away the last of the henna to reveal the symbol on Marie''s belly glowing bright enough to lend it''s light to the room. She booped Marie on the nose and shook her head. "No Sparagmos for you." At Marie''s forlorn look, Saffron lay a hand on Marie''s belly and said, "not until after your girls are born."


    I swear I''d seen Marie''s face light up before, but this time she had that whole glowing belly rune lighting it up further. I smiled down at her and said, "one more time, gently, to celebrate?"


    She reached up, wrapped her arms around my neck, and pulled me down as I slid into motion.


    Before we''d even gotten into a rhythm, Saffron mused, "lovely Wife Marie, I seem to recall you saying you wanted company, did you not?"


    I pulled away to look at where Saffron had shifted just enough to put Siobhan in the position I''d taken her and Karen and Saffron in on New Years. Her head back on Saffron''s shoulder, her breasts, nipples proud and stiff, back arched to point them at the ceiling. Her belly trembling, even protruding a little as Saffron gripped her waist and slowly, sensually, slid her up and down. Her legs spread open, proudly showing off how much of Saffron slid into her with every stroke.


    I lifted Marie and turned her around until she could turn her head and watch as well. "Is that some top tier sexy fuckin'' shit or what?"


    Marie purred, the sensation pleasantly odd with me deep inside her, and said, "Very Sexy."


    Siobhan chuckled, her hands sliding along Saffron''s thighs, but she froze the moment Saffron said, "Tabitha, do you still want Siobhan to be pregnant?"


    Marie and I looked at each other, then back at our Darling, who''d glanced over her shoulder at Saffron. "Oh, Yes." we both growled out in unison.


    Her hands wandering across Siobhan''s breasts, her belly, Saffron asked, "So. Siobhan. Would you bear a child for us? Have a daughter for us? Be pregnant because Tabitha wants to see a tiny you running around that she can mother all day," Saffron nipped her gently on the neck before saying, "before putting her to bed so she can fuck you all night?" I must have made some kind of noise, because Saffron looked up at me, fond amusement warring with lust in her eyes, and said, "oh, please, Goof. That''s exactly what you did with me."


    "I''m... not entirely sure I''m ready to be a mother."


    "But you''re already a Godmother?"


    Siobhan tensed, but before she could argue Marie said, "Yes."


    "Unless you decline the honor?" Saffron whispered.


    At this point something approaching adult morals kicked in and took temporary partial control of me, overriding my lust. Okay, overriding my lust''s stranglehold on my vocal cords. I never actually stopped sliding gently into and out of Marie. "You can, you know. You can say no to all of it. Godmother. Pregnancy. Fuck, I''d be sad, but even Concubining. Or any of it. You can stay Concubine but say no to motherhood. Or no to buns in your cute little oven. Or no to the godmotherhood and yes to mini-Siobhan. I said it before. I''ll say it again each and every time if I have to. We want you. I want you. I want mini-you. I think you''re one of the top five mothers I''ve ever known, and I''m including Sigyn and my birth mother in that. I... believe in you." I took a deep breath, and when Marie clutched at me I realized I''d slowed to a stop. "You can have whatever you want, Siobhan. We''re offering you things, but you are under no obligation to take them."


    She smiled sweetly at me, pure Siobhan adorableness. "But you want me to?"


    "Yes."


    "You, all three of you, want me as Godmother to your soon to be even larger horde of children?"


    "Yes!" we all chorused.


    "You... You want to make a baby... With me?"


    "Oh... Yeah," I growled.


    She smiled, the expression nearly as radiant as Marie''s. "You have shown me the gate, and the road, and the altar, and the knife. You have given me free choice, even after I Consented to give you three my life, my very Soul, just to make your Wedding night that much more memorable." She took a deep breath. "You want me to bear a child by your side as you do, Marie?"


    "Yes, Darling." Marie whispered softly, sweetly.


    "I accept the honor of being Godmother to your children. And," she took a deep breath. "I will bear your child." A smile spread across her lips. "Gladly."


    Over Siobhan''s shoulder, Saffron licked her lips. "Tabitha?"


    "Yeah, Kitten?"


    She lay her hand on Siobhan''s belly. "May I?"


    The thought of Saffron putting a baby in Siobhan''s womb hit me like a fucking freight train. Before I''d even fully understood the question, my subconscious and my libido had ganged up on me, my cock swelling inside of Marie. She felt it and grinned up at me, nodding. "Absofuckinglutely."


    "Siobhan? Will you bear my child?"


    "I just said so, silly Kitten."


    Saffron shuddered and swallowed and pulled Siobhan fully down onto her. "You know what''s required?"


    Siobhan shuddered, then went still, a smile stretching her face as she straightened her neck, her hair cascading around to obscure Saffron''s face. "I do. But how will I know?" She reached down between her own legs, stroked Saffron''s cock where it slipped out and back in. "This won''t change, will it?"


    Her eyes popped open as her belly bulged just a little more. "Now it won''t." Saffron pulled Siobhan back to her chest, rubbing her breasts across Siobhan''s back, then holding out the little pot of henna. "Can you make the sigil yourself?"


    Siobhan tried to pout a little, but Saffron''s recreational rearrangement of her interior portions had our Ice Pop too distracted to get a proper pout on. "I can, but..."


    "But you''d rather I do this." Saffron stood, Siobhan''s legs hooking around her to keep them connected, then turned and used the mirror to draw that same sign on Siobhan''s belly. "Look at you. All ready to become a mother."


    "Am I?"


    "Oh, yes. Yes, you are." Saffron nibbled at her neck. "Trust me, I know. I''m one myself."


    Siobhan laughed, the sound clear and pure, as Saffron dropped the henna and grabbed her by the waist as Ice Pop leaned forward until their only point of connection was their hips, Saffron''s cock holding her up. "I remember the first time you took me. Penetrated me. Filled me and hammered me until my Soul drifted in a place of pure pleasure." She giggled as her eyes slipped shut in memory. "So, will you do that for me again? Bring me to a place of endless orgasm, then hold me there until you burst inside me and fill me with your child?"


    Saffron, her voice husky as she slid Siobhan back and forth, asked, "like this? Are you sure?"


    "Do it."


    Saffron leaned forward, rubbed her swaying breasts across Siobhan''s back as she rocked into motion. Siobhan''s eyes slid shut, and Saffron stood, her rhythm quickening. I found myself sliding into that same rhythm, and the two of us smiled at the two of them. Then a wicked grin stretched across her lips, and she said, "so, Marie, would you have your Concubine''s last kiss as a maiden, or her first kiss as a mother?"


    Siobhan''s eyes slipped open and she stared at Marie. My Murder Mittens played up her pondering as Saffron carried Siobhan closer, step by step. Finally, with their faces a hand''s breath apart, Marie grinned at Siobhan and said, "Yes, Please."


    Siobhan reached out and pulled herself to Marie, their mouths connecting, their eyes sliding shut as they lost themselves in each other. "Such a greedy Wife. Such an impetuous Concubine." Saffron paused, glanced at me. I nodded, smiling. "So perfect. Good Girls." They both twitched, balanced on the edge, and my mouth opened, almost panting in anticipation, until Saffron turned to me and said, "So rough, so fierce, to merciless, crushing our Wife''s hips and filling her to bursting with your seed. Good Boy."


    That almost finished me right then and there; the first drops seared their way through me into Marie, and the precarious balance she and Siobhan balanced on tipped, slipped into freefall. He kept going, faster and faster, and I kept pace with him. I remembered him doing that to me atop the tower, almost like the best parts of a real live cock and a vibrating dildo all in one. I kinda envied our Wives. Not a lot, because I was clinging to that raggedy edge myself, just waiting for Saffron to make our Siobhan as pregnant as our Marie.


    "Tabitha?" Saffron asked, his voice rough.


    "Yeah?"


    He closed his eyes, never slowing his strokes as I moved in synch with him. "Are you absolutely certain you want me to be the one to put a baby in Siobhan''s belly?"


    That thought hit me, and my cock twitched, but I wanted to, needed to answer, to think with something other than a stiff dick, because I''ve always heard how stupid those are. I turned to look at the gorgeous man standing beside me, railing our Concubine as I did the same to our Wife, and said, "Uh..."


    He turned his face to me, radiating absolute gremlin energy like a chaotic bonfire, and laughed as he said, "too late!"


    He came, thrust after thrust. Siobhan''s shuddering moan and Marie''s orgasmic roar echoing from their locked lips. As my orgasm rocked through me, I did the only thing that seemed at all sane and logical or even possible at that point. I reached out, grabbed him by the hair, and dragged his laughing lips to my own.

 Day Six Hundred And Thirty

    Dear Diary,


    Wow.


    Yeah, the past two days have been a bit of a... not a roller coaster, not really. I can''t remember a single down moment. Even with Saffron channeling her inner gremlin at the perfect moment at least once a day, meaning the moment when if I''d been crashing or depressed or even fuckin'' manic I would have lost my shit, it only added that little bit of spice to the pure confection that our wedding day and night were.


    ''Cause yeah, dangling ''you sure you don''t want to put a bun in this oven too'' in front of me, then yoinking it away to run away laughing like a maniac has the same energy of somebody offering up the last slice of birthday cake, then cramming the whole thing into their mouth the moment I reach for it. I guess maybe if I hadn''t just stuffed an entire cake''s worth of buns in my Murder Mittens'' oven, I might have felt some kind of way. I mean, maybe not, because holy fuck on toast that was hot to watch. I mean, just the idea of it filled my pencil with lead overflowing, but watching it elevated that shit to the next level.


    Also, confirmation, boy mode me also enjoys kissing boys. I don''t think we''ve done that before. Honestly, I''m not sure I''ve actually kissed Saffron as a guy before. I mean, with her as a guy. We''ve always been a little too focused on rearranging my supposed internal organs to just, y''know, neck. We did that for a while yesterday, once Saffron confirmed that, according to that belly henna stuff, Saffron did in fact get the job done with a single shot. I think he got a little cranky when Siobhan demurred any further such activity, but then he''d had to roll her over to check, which means she got a good look at him, and even though she agreed that Saffron is, in fact, the most beautiful man she''d ever laid eyes on, Darling is still not into guys.


    I mean, technically she''s not interested in having guys getting into her. I''m pretty sure she was absolutely riding just the right kind of euphoric wave with her mouth utterly focused on and occupied by her newest Mistress that she didn''t really care who was doing what to the other end, since she couldn''t see what was going on, just feel it, and Saffron in any form is top grade tactile candy. She was still riding high enough that she literally stuck her tongue out and said, "blech," when Saffron made his offer though.


    I''m not sure if that''s weird or not. The fact that I think of her as him when he''s like that. I mean, maybe it''s a holdover from the whole ''mustn''t get with the hottest man I''ve ever laid eyes on'' thing. Because apologies to Keanu, but given a forced choice between both of them, I''d be going for Saffron even if we weren''t married. Of course, with Saffron and I in the same room, I''m really not sure who''s gonna force that choice, because I would totally do an Oliver to somebody to get Saffron and Keanu to Eiffel Tower me.


    Okay, no, I wouldn''t, because that would be wrong. It wouldn''t be ''sketchy'' or ''shady'', it would just be plain wrong. But shit that is ''shady'' or ''sketchy'' is absolutely on the table for that. Shit, I know Siobhan can shapeshift. I wonder if I can get her a picture and have her fill in for the man of my adolescent fantasies. Probably not, because she''s clearly not into the juxtaposition of her, sex, and guys. On the other hand, we haven''t actually asked her if she''d be interested in having sex as a guy. That could be fun.


    Not today though. After confirming that our new Wife and our Concubine both had their ''occupied'' lights lit up, the three of us gently arranged Marie so her floppy floppy legs didn''t interfere with her resting. Then Siobhan insisted on doing some really fancy Healing, where she made sure none of Marie''s blood vessels had sprung a leak. Apparently there are a whole shit ton of super specialized Healing Shapes that use a tiny fraction of the Mana of Heal Injury, but only heal, like, one really specific thing. I guess that''s for folks who need to do one specific thing a whole lot to keep somebody alive, so they can recover enough Mana to fix the next thing, and so on.


    Marie bitched until I told her I wasn''t gonna be doing the horizontal mambo with somebody whose legs had gone gangrenous. Then she just pouted, because Saffron reiterated that Sparagmos while pregnant was discommended. Like, ''you will wake up sans proto-kittens at sunrise'' discommended. At which point Marie just folded her arms and pouted. Not sure what that was about. Didn''t ask her then either, because Saffron pulled me away, definitely still feeling some kinda way about not getting to go a second round with Siobhan. Don''t get me wrong, he wasn''t super overt about it. I''m not sure she even realized, because Saffron was at his smoothest, and totally backed her up without thinking about it about Marie''s medical care, but I picked up on it.


    Might have been both of us fully in boy-mode. Then again, I''m pretty sure that''s the only reason he got grumpy in the first place. I blame the twig and berries, but the shapeshift might have some kind of testosterone shot to the brain or something. Not sure, but because I realized he felt some kind of way, and also because holy fuck that man is hot, I pulled him down to the end of the bed, where he was just the right height for kissing when I sat there, and necked for... fuck, I dunno. A while. Not until sunset, because I felt the sun go down while I was doing the same. Yeah, when we swapped positions it turned out the end of the bed was just the right height for me to discover that apparently I have a little bit of a gag reflex as a guy. Not a deal breaker. In fact, I think he kinda liked it? Couldn''t be certain, I had my eyes closed. Fuck it, not like breathing is actually important for me. Weirdest thing had to be the jewelry though. Auto-resizing ring auto-resizes. Had to be careful not to chip a tooth on that shit.


    Maybe an hour after sunset Siobhan had finished making sure Marie wouldn''t lose her legs to sepsis, and that the bones would heal properly. By then she was a little bit ragged, and Saffron barely had the juice to put a moving Ward on Marie to keep everything below her waist motionless relative to everything above her waist. At Marie''s insistence, she went to sleep with one of my little ladies under each arm, and me splayed out over her like a blanket. Girl me. I''m not sure exactly why, but I''m physically more comfortable that way. Like, I could sleep as a guy, I guess, but... why? I like sleeping on my stomach, and not to ask stupid questions, but where would I put it?


    Dreamt of all my ladies except Marie feeding bits of dream ladies to my Murder Mittens. Okay, I definitely got into that as well by mid-sleep. Weirdest thing was seeing her belly glowing in the dream.


    We all slept late. Like, woke up at noon late. I think Siobhan and Saffron both got up at some point to hit the bathroom, because neither one was doing the pee pee dance when they woke up.


    "Good Morning, Wife," Saffron crawled up to give a smiling Marie a long, slow, gentle kiss as Marie''s purr rumbled through me. When the two of them separated quite a while later, Siobhan took Saffron''s place.


    "Good Morning, Mistress." The two of them spent the kind of time kissing that''s only possible when neither partner needs to breathe. At one point I glanced over to see Saffron watching them with the same kind of giddy glee that I felt on my own face.


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    Eventually, quite a while later, they slipped apart to lay there nose to nose. After a moment or three, Marie''s nose crinkled as she grinned and said, "Concubine Mine."


    Siobhan just kinda melted off of her, first giggling, then rolling over to lay spread eagle on the side of the bed we hadn''t slept on the night before. I mean, I''d say ''hadn''t used'', but we''d definitely used the whole thing. The mattress desperately needed repairs. The sheets were a lost cause. The pillows were all okay from a ''all in one piece'' standpoint, but half of them practically defined the word ''sweat soaked''. I think we''d used them to help with some of the positions. Okay, mostly that really nice trio one we''d gone through so many fuckin'' variations on.


    At that point my cheeks ached a little from smiling. Not so much that I didn''t respond to Marie''s whispered, "Vlickies, Come."


    "So forward," was all I got out before our lips met. Long. Sweet. Tongues got involved, but as another gentle way to caress lips, not as invading forces. By the time we finished, my tongue and lips still ached, though. Not a lot. Just... enough. Good aching. I looked over to see Saffron still kissing Siobhan.


    Marie and I watched them until Saffron raised her head. "I''m sorry I got a bit... insistent yesterday."


    Siobhan laughed. "Insistent? You asked like three times, just to be sure."


    Saffron shook her head. "I mean after. I..."


    Siobhan cut her off by slipping her fingers around behind her and pulling her down for another kiss. Okay, pulling herself up, because Saffron is definitely the Stronger of the two despite being six inches shorter. I think the only thing that split them apart so quickly that time was Siobhan''s arms getting tired from holding her up. "You may have felt insistent. Maybe you did. But you accepted my demurral with good grace, even though it would absolutely have been your right to insist."


    "No. No, Darling. I don''t even think it was right of me to ask. You''ve made your position on that very clear."


    "Have I, though? You don''t seem to understand it." At Saffron''s confused look, Siobhan said, "shift, please." A moment later he loomed over her. I mean, he wasn''t looming any more than Saffron had been, but Siobhan tensed up just the slightest bit anyhow. I''m not sure she even realized she did, because she said, "would you like to?" Saffron nodded, her whole body rigid. "I Consent. Go ahead."


    Without moving anything but his mouth, he said, "but would you enjoy it?"


    Siobhan frowned in thought. "Probably. Eventually. You''re quite Skilled, after all."


    He pushed himself off of her, trying to find a comfortable position to sit. I''d never really thought about that from a guy''s perspective before. I mean, I still wasn''t thinking of it from as much of a guy''s perspective as I could have, but in this case I was actually thinking about how awkward that must be, rather than just laughing about how awkward it looked. "You don''t want it, though."


    Siobhan laughed softly. "I want my Mistresses to be happy. To be physically satisfied. To feel accepted and loved."


    She held out her arms, and he lay back down, settling his head on her breasts. Which put him in a pretty bad position for doing anything else. She put her arms around him and hugged him. "I feel loved right now. And accepted. And happy."


    "Are you satisfied thought?"


    Saffron twisted to the side, lay a hand on the still glowing sigil on Siobhan''s belly, and said, "I am surprisingly satisfied right now."


    "Physically? Satisfied?"


    I nudged Marie and quietly murmured, "should I?"


    Her equally quiet murmur came back immediately. "Do it."


    I rolled over next to the two of them, sliding my arm under Siobhan''s neck and snuggling up next to her. "First of all, you''re not the only person who can satisfy somebody here." I tugged at Saffron, and he grudgingly slipped over to me. "Gently. Please."


    "Gently? Who are you and what have you done with Tabitha?"


    I chuckled, then held up a finger before turning to Siobhan. "Do you enjoy watching the two of us like this?"


    She thought a moment, then nodded. "I enjoy seeing the women I love enjoying themselves. Don''t you?"


    My inner chaos gremlin pumped its fist in triumph, but outwardly I gave no sign. "Darling, your title is Concubine, but you are under no obligation to perform for us."


    "As I said, I want to see the women I love satisfied."


    Another fist pump for the gremlin, and I think something must have shown through, because I definitely felt Saffron''s interest at that point. "Okay. Marie? Can you see okay?"


    "Yes, Dear."


    My gaze never leaving Siobhan''s eyes, my fingers interlacing with hers, I said, "okay, you love seeing us happy, seeing us satisfied? Even when we''re like Saffron is now?"


    "Yes. Yes, I do."


    I smiled at her. "Okay then. See." I turned to Saffron. "Satisfy yourself."


    "Gently?"


    I chuckled. "I had enough rough yesterday. It''s been a long time since gently. So..." I sighed. "I''d really like that. But our Darling wants to see you satisfied. Like this. So... whatever it takes. As rough as you need to be to be satisfied."


    It turned out he didn''t need to be rough at all, and Siobhan got to see us both satisfied. I mean, it took a while. Quite a while. Phileo Heroic Endurance for the win. When we finished, he brushed his lips across mine and I turned to Siobhan. "So? Are you satisfied, Darling?"


    Her jaw dropped open just a little. "Tabitha!"


    I laughed. "Did you like what you saw?"


    "Yes. Very much."


    "Saffron," I nodded for him to move back to Siobhan, who blinked as Saffron held himself above him. "Girl, you big nerd." She held herself above Siobhan, who kind of melted. "Everyone on this bed just saw that reaction, Siobhan."


    "So?"


    "So someday if it''s life or death, or you want to get pregnant again and want to see his O face as he does it, or for whatever reason you actually want a guy to take you so you can''t deny it''s happening, even the slightest bit? Sure. One of us will gladly oblige, or do whatever it takes to facilitate if it''s some other guy. But for right now, where we''re all safe and warm and happy and you really want those magnificent breasts brushing against yours while she''s in you? Don''t force yourself into things." I grinned up at Saffron. "I think I heard our Darling imply she wasn''t satisfied. Can you fix that for us?"


    Siobhan looked over at me, her eyes shining. "It''s like you want me to act more like a Wife or a lover than a Concubine."


    From behind me Marie laughed out, "Duh, Darling."


    Still somehow squirming about us caring about her as much as each other, she said, "but... what if I''m trying to expand my personal boundaries? To stretch myself?" I looked up at Saffron, and saw my own inner chaos reflected in her eyes as she grinned evilly down at Siobhan, whose eyes popped out just a bit. "That''s... a lot."


    "Did you forget how well I can control my shapeshifting?" purred Saffron.


    When they finished, I scooched them both back over until Marie could pull herself up on her side to spoon behind me. I pulled Siobhan back to me, and Saffron settled in as our littlest spoon. I leaned over and first nibbled on, then whispered in Siobhan''s ear.


    "Now you owe us an apology, Sister Siobhan Darling."


    She stiffened a little, but as much in confusion as surprise or upset. "But... why? I... I don''t understand."


    "Are we your Mistresses?"


    "Yes, of course," almost as if she wasn''t thinking about doing it, she lifted a hand to stroke her collar.


    "Are we your women?"


    "I... I... Yes?" The word drifted out of her mouth filled with wonder.


    "You love us as much as we love you?"


    "Yes!"


    "All three of us? Women?"


    She understood my question and answered, "yes. Yes, you all are, even so different to one another. Even if you may look quite masculine at times."


    "Unpleasantly so?" Asked Saffron.


    "Not to my tastes. But not unpleasant to look upon."


    I reached up to stroke her cheek. "So you liked watching the woman you''re holding satisfy me, before she did the same for you?"


    "Oh, yes. Very much."


    "So," I couldn''t help it, a tiny giggle escaped as my chaos gremlin''s trap sprang shut. As I lowered my hand to stroke the glowing sigil on her belly "A woman loved you intensely enough, expressed it physically fervently enough," in the mirror I watched her head turn toward me, her jaw dropping open in disbelief. "To get you very thoroughly pregnant?"

 Day Six Hundred And Thirty-One

    Dear Diary,


    Some days are better than others. Our wedding day was awesome. Our wedding night, which kinda took up most of the following day as well, was an entirely different kind of awesome. Sunday, and I''m not sure if this is ironic or not, because nobody fuckin'' actually knows what irony means, was our day of rest. I think it''s even funnier that it was a day of rest after two days spent creating things. On Friday we created a family, a marriage, a cemented bond that officially makes all of the horde hoard all of ours, not to mention giving Marie and all of our kids an actual surname. That reminds me, I gotta ask Ria if she wants to append Aetos-Diaz, or just Aetos or just Diaz, to her name. I''m down for any of the above, or for her just sticking with ''Crow''. Whatever makes her happiest. But days like the past couple aren''t quite what makes the rest worthwhile, but they''re the icing on the cake of life. Days like Bonnie and Larry''s Wedding, or Saffron''s birthday party, or even my birthday party. The best days, that stand out and make me smile even when flaming shit''s raining from the sky and all I can do is dodge and weave and look for an asbestos umbrella.


    There are the slow days. The ones where nothing''s really happening, so I play with my kids, do stupid little romantic stuff for my ladies, or maybe learn and train to incorporate what I''ve learned so that the next time shit goes down, I can handle it that much better. Less casualties on both sides. Less pain, less suffering, less people to mourn. Or maybe the days after shit has gone down, when my sole responsibility is to rest up, to heal, to recover from the dumb shit I have to do to myself to keep my family, my friends, my people, my nation safe. Honestly, while I get that the awesome days stand out more, I think the slow days are the really good ones. The ones where stress flows out more than it flows in. The ones where I can just relax and bask in the progress we''ve made.


    Then there are the waiting days, where stress both good and bad builds up. The days of preparation, like most of last week. The days where sometimes tension builds up in us, like when I waited back in Phileo and stood watch on the walls of the Yards while Saffron marched on New Amsterdam. Like the days we spent sailing north to Calverton from Newark, or all the days we spent running around Lancaster watching and waiting for Calverton to respond to the shitdickery of the former Heroes Lancaster. The days when not much happens, but there''s clearly something that''s going to happen in the future. The ones where tension builds up, just a little bit every day, because I''m waiting for the balloon to go up, the shoe to fall, or even in the best of times for the party to start. I think maybe I''m realizing that those days, the ones where stress builds up bit by bit by bit, can be almost as good as the slow days. The anticipation of good things, good days, can make them even better, so long as I''m not setting unrealistic expectations for myself. Weirdest thing to me is that if I manage my expectations, fuck if I spend most of my time waiting for shit to go down preparing for likely shit and managing my expectations of how bad things can be, I think they wind up less bad than they otherwise might.


    Seriously, because the last kind of day, the Bad Days, those can be bad to a degree that''s hard to really comprehend, and I was fuckin'' there for all of them. Like, the Least Bad Bad Day I can think of recently was the day a Dragon old enough to have eaten two dinosaur empires came at my house and I had to eat her. I mean yeah, I probably enjoyed that way more than I should have. I sure as shit have not yet really ferreted out all the self inflicted trauma and regression just from deliberately implying that I might not eat her head. From deliberately sparking hope just to taste it being snuffed out when I dropped her brain in the Maw. Kinda funny, while a lot of the Bad Days have involved Gods, a surprising number have involved Dragons somehow. Shit, the only one of my Top Ten Bad Days I can think of that didn''t have an Incarnate God showing up in some fashion was the Battle of the Walls, and that will forever live in my memory as the absolute worst Bad Day yet. Kinda, I dunno, maybe says something that the second worst day was the Autumn Equinox before that, the one where I heard Isnomi''s scream cut off with the crunch of that evil fucking knife into the stone of the altar. Third place goes to The Morrigan showing up and killing Ria, and then her High Priest killing Marie.


    Yeah, Marie got back up at sunrise. Yeah, I burned Balor to raise Ria, and Maze''s mom to raise Isnomi. Yeah, Saffron''s demise was greatly exaggerated. But none of that shit is something I can take for granted. Even as I play with it and joke about it with Siobhan, some part of me realizes that she''s grown up in a world where a Deity eating a Mortal''s Soul as a tasty treat is just... something that happens. Her best case scenario isn''t ''not being eaten'', it''s being eaten by a Deity who will, she believes, take the time to savor her, to remember her fondly at some point in the future, when no one living even remembers she existed, let alone her name, her face, her cool skin and silky hair, her Skill with Healing and her talented mouth, the way she loves liver and enjoys cock so long as there''s not a dude attached to it. The way she so quickly and easily will sacrifice herself, in whole or in part, to bring joy to others. Because some part of this fucking world has convinced her, deep in her bones, that she doesn''t get a happy ending, and the best she can do is maybe help someone else get one.


    Yeah, my worst days are the days when my loved ones get hurt. Days like the Battle of the Walls, the Autumn Equinox, or the Battle at Overlord''s Keep.


    Days like today.


    It didn''t start out bad. Really, Sunday was one of those awesome slow days, and that didn''t really change when we all rolled into the dining room to find Karen and Vickerson both looking a little ragged, but not in a bad or unhappy way. Just in the way that two non-Moms handling seven kids who normally have four Moms momming them are gonna wind up a little overwhelmed, even with Grandma Aetos backing them up. Grandma herself sat there in Saffron''s chair, the Queen Mother playing Regent while her daughter took a couple days of vacation time. I think I realized right then exactly why Saffron called her Grandma ''Ma''. Like, I''d have known if I thought about it, but I''m pretty sure her parents died when she was younger than our kids. Well, most of them. Definitely younger than Alex, Lindsey, and Maze. Probably around David and Daya''s age. She remembers her Mom, I''m sure, but I''m not sure she really remembers her as a person. Shit, if the economic situation in Camden Yards pre-Alliance was anything like the situation in the Camden I left, her mom probably worked, leaving her with Grandma even then.


    We''d slipped into jeans and tee shirts before we left the Bedroom. Okay, kind of. I''d hopped over to M-Space and pulled back four sets of low-rise jeans, then I straight up ripped everything below boob level off the tee shirts. Had to do Loki''s insta-dressing trick on Marie, but I made the other two put them on the normal way, and I definitely went with sizes where they had to hop up and down a little to get into them. With Siobhan it was just cute watching here hop up and down, but when she''d realized that no, they didn''t pull up further than a couple inches below her belly button, I pulled her over, pulled her tee shirt on her and made sure the bottom edge ended well above where here little glowing temporary tattoo started.


    "But... everyone will see!"


    I nodded. "Absolutely. I''m seriously considering finding a way to alter your robes so it shows your belly, at least until that," I traced my fingers across the glowing sigil, "wears off."


    She giggled. "So shameless."


    "Hey, my Kitten did good work there, of course I want to show it off." Saffron, who''d been helping Marie with her tee shirt, blushed a little. "Just like when the little one pops out, I''m gonna show her off to everybody who doesn''t run away fast enough, just to show off all the hard work you''re gonna put in."


    She rolled her eyes. "I won''t be doing anything particularly complex."


    "Making a whole assed person isn''t complex?"


    She shook her head. "Okay, fine, but I need not be particularly Skilled to do it."


    "Doesn''t mean it''s not hard work. Just so you know, I''m gonna be checking in on you, making sure you don''t push yourself too hard, making sure you get proper food in you."


    "But I..."


    I shook my head, "have already nearly starved yourself once. You''re growing our kid in there. The Imperator''s kid. The Champion''s newest playmate. Mega-Wifey Marie''s latest addition to the horde hoard. Darling''s little darling. That, in my opinion, should be your top priority until you decant. Got it?"


    "What about the three of you? Who''ll see to it you''re..."


    "Don''t even say it. Because until you''re fully recovered from growing a whole assed human adjacent being in your belly, Saffron and I are gonna be the ones making sure you''re healthy and hale and," I leaned over and whispered in her ear loud enough for Saffron and Marie to hear, "satisfied."


    She blushed. "As my Mistresses command."


    "Betcher ass. Now. Comfy?"


    Her blush deepened, and it made the sigil''s glow stand out that much more as it crept down past her collar. "Feeling very exposed. On display, even."


    "Well. Yeah. You are. C''mere." I picked her up and set her on the bed next to me as Saffron went to put her own jeans on. Siobhan was cute. Watching Saffron hop up and down was mesmerizing. Like, Marie and Siobhan and I all three just sat there staring, until Saffron started laughing when she realized her jeans weren''t coming any further up either. "You..."


    "What?"


    She rolled her eyes, buttoned her jeans, then when she looked back at us she smirked and hopped again. She laughed, Marie laughed, and even I smiled a little as I saw Siobhan''s head nodding along with my own as my gaze stayed locked on Saffron''s bodacious bouncing curves. She shook her head and held out her hand, so I handed her the tee shirt. Which was absolutely the visual testimony to the Glory of underboob. "I think you ripped this too short."


    I kinda expected Marie to chorus, "Nope," with me. Hearing Siobhan blurt it out made me start giggling. I waved Saffron over, spun her around to sit with one cheek on my lap and one on Siobhan''s, at which point both of us leaned over one of her shoulders and said, "please?"


    "Just until Bath time?" I added.


    She sighed, which is when my fingertips met Siobhan''s as each of us explored that magical crease. "Fine." She scooted over onto Siobhan''s lap and replaced my hand with Siobhan''s other one. "Now, go put yours on." I moved to pop my own jeans on, at which point she did something and stopped me. "Nope." She pointed to the open floor. "The same way we did. You''re not in traction like Marie."


    "I get to see you bounce, then her? If these are the rewards I get for carrying your child, I think I might want you to put another one in me when this one comes out."


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    Saffron slipped into boy mode long enough to whisper, "you sure?"


    At which point Siobhan giggled, slapped Saffron''s shoulder, then when she changed back murmured, "maybe. Just for that." Then she perked up as I got my own jeans to the point where I had to start tugging and hopping. "So taut, but they still bounce!"


    Saffron smirked, for some reason looking past me, her gaze not actually transfixed to where my tits were, in fact, bouncing a bit. "I''m fond of her muscles. Look at how her ass flexes... oops, you missed it."


    As I buttoned up my jeans I shook my head and said, "you''re having way too much fun with that ''oops, too late'' thing, Kitten."


    "Too much fun?"


    "Probably."


    "Then why did your nipples get stiff when I said it?"


    Siobhan giggled. "They did!"


    I just shook my head and held out my hand for my own tee shirt. At which point Saffron slipped out a Mana Blade and vandalized it. By the time she finished, my shirt didn''t just bare my abs, it also had a boob window. Okay, almost a boob veranda. Like, if it shifted either way, a nip slip was definitely gonna occur. I''d never actually wished for nipple piercings before, but if I''d had them II could have threaded them through the material to keep it from slipping. I tugged the sides of the window in, and the back ripped. "Dammit."


    Saffron waved me over, spun me around, and I''m guessing she Mana Bonded it back together. "There. Good as new."


    "Oh, c''mon, It probably looks super glued."


    At that point Siobhan chimed in with, "no one in front of you can see it, and no one behind you is looking above your waist."


    Which is when Marie chimed in with, "I''m Not."


    So we all showed up like that, me with Marie in a princess carry, Saffron scooping Siobhan into one at the last moment. When Grandma saw us, the corners of her lips drew up in the tiniest smirk. Of course, before she could say anything the horde hoard saw us and screamed out variations on "MAMA!" then charged us. Isnomi and Alex came right over the tables. Daya and David both snuck under them. Heck, even Lindsey, Ria, and Maze, who normally kept their cool pretty well, ran around the ends of the table to get to us. Menace didn''t hesitate, she climbed right up me to perch atop Marie''s elevated lap, at which point she noticed the glowing sigil on her belly.


    "Wha dis?"


    "That, my girl," said Saffron, "is proof positive that at some point in the near future, likely within the year, you will have a little sister."


    "Little Sisters." corrected Marie.


    Holy crap but I''d never seen Menace''s eyes get that big. "SISTERS!" I realized that for whatever reason she''d put the Hell of Teeth away. Probably to con Vickerson or Karen out of something. Not like Grandma was gonna get conned. Then again, maybe Grandma had engineered it somehow.


    The kids exploded with questions. "Hey, make a hole so we can sit down and we''ll answer everything!"


    At that point I realized that Tallulah was in my normal seat. She stood, smiled, said, "congratulations," then stepped away.


    I looked over at Karen, who shrugged. "She wanted a day away from Rich Man''s Port, and we needed the help."


    I frowned at my beloved miscreants. "Were you guys that bad while we were gone?"


    Karen shook her head, smiling and sighing. "Not bad. Just... eager to have you back. Excited."


    "Yeah, Mama! We ''cited!"


    That opened the floodgates again as I sat down. Fortunately most of them were of the ''how long'' and ''how many'' variety. Which got asked over and over by each of our girls, even though the answers were, for Siobhan, ''seven to fifteen months'' and ''probably one'', and for Marie were ''no clue, but probably the same'' and ''lots''.


    As Karen gathered up Vickerson to head back to Phileo, Saffron called her over. "I''ll be returning to Alliance Headquarters tomorrow. I''ll need you to stay in contact with me." When Karen simply nodded and gave her a questioning look, Saffron said, "I''ll need you on Seeking when it leaves headed south."


    Karen nodded again, but frowned. "I''m not an expert on the Law and Custom of Compton. I''m certainly not an expert on that of Muscogee."


    Saffron smiled and raised an eyebrow. "So you''re confident you understand the Law and Custom of Jackville?"


    Karen snerked. "Of course. ''Jack''s word is Law, and you''d best get Accustomed to it."


    Saffron laughed at that, then quietly said, "I understand, and there will be Law and Custom experts with you. You, however, will be the head of the delegation."


    "I suspect I know, but why?"


    "Because you can communicate directly with me, not to mention calling in our most powerful strategic asset if needed, and you are neither a head of state nor an invading army." Karen glanced at Marie, and Saffron added, "nor are you carrying the Champion''s children."


    "Understood, Imperator."


    Saffron waved her over and pulled her in for a hug. "Thank you for watching over our children for us." Then she did the same to Vickerson, who kind of stammered out a ''de nada'' before going kinda mute and hiding behind Karen. Funny, I think until Karen mentioned it she''d low key forgotten Saffron was, in fact, the Imperator.


    Might we visit, Daughter?


    You and Mom are always welcome, Dad. Heck, bring Mister Slither; I think he might get lonely there.


    I felt Loki''s smile. I never truly leave this place, though.


    Yeah, but I''m betting he misses Menace.


    "A fair point," he said, as he and Sigyn appeared between where Saffron and I sat, each with an occupied pre-mama in our lap. Karen and Vickerson both took half a step back when they saw Mister Slither.


    Of course right about then Menace saw the new arrivals and leapt for Mister Slither, hollering, "Vai!" before she glomped him. When they realized Mister Slither wasn''t a threat, just another part of our big weird wacky family, they both relaxed, nodded to us, and Karen stepped them both away back to Phileo.


    Dinner made my ''steaks on rolls'' look complex and fancy. Everybody had a hunk of meat, probably bear but cooked too much to tell, another hunk of cheese, and something that Saffron looked at and muttered, "hardtack."


    Of course a moment later she shut her mouth and smiled as Alex swelled up and proudly said, "yeah, we looked up the Army recipe and made it ourselves!"


    I have never seen someone pretend to like hardtack before, but my Kitten pulled it off.


    Bath time rolled around, and much to my absolute gremlin glee the sigils proved entirely resistant to any kind of washing. When Siobhan looked a little put out by that, Saffron gently pulled her into a hug and asked, "are you so embarrassed to be carrying our child?"


    Siobhan shook her head. "Not as such? But... I didn''t do anything to earn this, did I?" She smirked. "I didn''t even suffer for it like our lovely Marie."


    Marie purred out, "Enjoyed It." at that point.


    "Well. I still didn''t do anything to be proud of."


    "You think not?" Siobhan shook her head. "Siobhan, there are two reasons you carry our child in your belly right now. I think either one might be something to be proud of."


    "What are they?"


    Saffron nodded. "The first, the reason we asked you on our wedding night, was because you, Siobhan Darling, impressed our Tabitha so much that she decided that she wanted there to be another of you scampering around our house. That she wanted you, Siobhan Darling, to bear our child. To mingle our essence with yours, and make you part of our legacy. She''s surprised and honored that you said yes."


    Siobhan turned to me, eyes shining. "Is... is that really true?"


    "Ayep. I mean, I''m not as good with words as my Kitten, but yeah. That''s all true. You''re awesome. Little half you, half me would have been super cool. Little half you, half Saffron is just..." I ran out of words as the thought of the little one who''d be running around this time a couple years from now teamed up with my mental image of the two of them making that little one to take my words away.


    I think Siobhan saw all that in my eyes. She smiled, as radiant as Marie on our wedding day, then turned back to Saffron. "And the second reason?"


    "I agree with her." Saffron ended the discussion with a kiss that Siobhan responded to eagerly.


    Loki, Sigyn, and Slither stayed the night, the latter curling all around the perimeter of our big round bed. Never quite realized how long he was. Oddly enough, it really made me feel better having him around, what with Murder Mittens on the injured reserve for the moment.


    Dreamt of the ladies pampering Murder Mittens again. Felt some kinda way about that, so I picked Siobhan up, hovered her over my Maw, and fed her bite sized bits of pasta all night while Marie giggled and kept forking it over.


    In the morning, Saffron kissed us all and stepped away to Alliance HQ; one of me followed her, although mostly I just sat on Treachery Rock looking bored. According to Saffron, it puts the rest of the Grand Council on just the right kind of edge when I look bored.


    I also spread myself out across the Academy, filling in in dozens of little ways. When the Headmaster asked about it, I told him, "Marie will be taking a full honeymoon. She''ll be back in a month." When he looked a little put out by that, I followed it up with, "and when she gets back, she''s gonna be on singular light duty. She can direct traffic, but she''s not gonna be in a dozen places at once."


    "Is she well?"


    I grinned up at him. "Yeah. Just in a family way."


    He looked a little surprised. "Congratulations. I hope it''s not indelicate to ask who the father is?" I just grinned my biggest, smuggest grin at him. Vulcan would have been proud. After a few moments, the light bulb came on and the clockwork titanium soul slipped a few gears. "Of course. Silly of me to ask. Well, congratulations to you and your bride! I''m sure we''ll muddle through somehow."


    "Hey, I''ll be here helping out the whole time! From now until she''s recovered from decanting!"


    He just nodded and said, "we''ll survive even that, I''m sure."


    just for that, I didn''t sit on my gremlin impulses about socks today. Don''t ask, it''ll be funnier when they find out.


    Loki and Sigyn returned to Loki''s cave, but left Mister Slither with us. ''To help with the children''. Screw it, sixty foot long viper was another layer of defense for the kids, and they loved him. Even if he did scare the shit out of me by carrying them up the walls more than once.


    Before she left for the Infirmary, Siobhan held up a set of robes. She''d gotten her habit on, but she looked... disappointed in her robes. "What''s up?"


    "I want to cut these."


    I took her hand, slid a petite Mana Blade out of her index finger, maybe six inches long, and said, "careful. It''s sharp."


    "Hold these?" She handed me her robes, and I held them up by the shoulders.


    She sliced a fuckin'' rectangle out of them, front and back. Then she sliced the fabric she''d removed into strips and asked me to Mineral Bond them to the tops and bottoms of the hole she''d made in the front of her robes. After she finished securing them, then looked down to realize that the bottom of the opening barely cleared the pale fuzz in her crotch, I asked, "want me to fix it?"


    She just smiled up at me. "Why? It''s not broken." She laid one hand on her glowing belly sigil, one hand on my cheek, and kissed me.


    I slipped my hands around behind her and took advantage of the gap in her robes to fondle her pert little butt. When she broke away from the kiss, I said, "what about the back?"


    She just smiled at me and said, "you''ll be watching over me all day, right?"


    "Yeah?"


    Her smile slipped into a smirk. "So it behooves me to give you something to look at, no?"


    Go Ice Pop. That''s all I have to say about that.


    The kids spent about half the day waiting hand and foot on Marie. I mean, I spent the whole day doing so, but then I''m normally pretty enthralled by Murder Mittens. Her glowing belly and the knowledge that it meant she had a belly full of my kittens... our kittens... only enhanced that.


    At one point Grandma, who did all of her kid wrangling with looks and gestures and, once in a very great while a sharp word, came over to talk to us. Okay, she mostly came over to talk to Marie, but she started with me. "That little one in Siobhan''s belly. Saffron''s?"


    I smiled just thinking about it. "Yeah. I mean, ours. All four of us. But yeah, Saffron''s the one who put it there. Marie and I are just gonna help with the, y''know, momming part."


    She smirked at ''momming'' then nodded to Marie''s stomach. "So... Aetos?"


    Marie replied, "Aetos-Diaz."


    Grandma just shrugged, as if to say she was too old, too tired, and had no fucks left to give for important things, let alone hyphenation. "Still Aetos." We sat there like that for a while, watching the kids playing in the Courtyard. "You?"


    Marie thought a moment, then smiled and said, "Aetos-Diaz."


    Grandma... sighed. She almost deflated, really, I think, like she''d been holding onto something and finally let it go. Then she chuckled. "So you''re the oldest Aetos now, then."


    Marie pondered that for a while, staring at Grandma the whole time, then shook her head. She lay one claw on Grandma''s lap, atop one of her hands. "Eldest, Still."


    Grandma just snorted at that. "Yeah, well. Your sisters. Living in our old Aetos house in the Yards."


    I''d kind of lost the thread, so I just sat there listening until Marie asked, "Aetos?"


    Grandma nodded. "If you say so."


    Marie thought about that for a while, then shook her head slowly, her denial stubborn when she squeezed Grandma''s hand gently and repeated, "Still Eldest."


    Grandma smiled at her, then at me, then at the kids streaming past us headed for the dining room as the setting sun lit up our little valley, the West Tower hiding the sun itself. She turned to Marie, a mischievous grin on her face. "Yeah. About that." Then she turned to me, blinked, and her smile got... sad, but somehow not the sadness of mourning, or failure. Melancholy, maybe. "See you on the other side, lass."


    Then, between one instant and the next, before I could even parse her words, she died.

 Day Six Hundred And Thirty-Two

    Dear Diary,


    I''m still processing. Still trying to anyhow. Not ready yet.


    The moment I saw her slump forward, I blurted out, "no!" In the silent wireframe darkness outside of Time, Grandma''s body was just that, a lifeless hunk of meat slumped over where she sat. Her Soul had already fled. I slipped back into the flow of Time, panicked urgency gripping me.


    "SIOBHAN! I screamed in the Infirmary. She appeared next to me a moment later, and I grabbed her hand and stepped back to the Homestead, back to Grandma, as all the rest of me in the Academy collapsed to the me holding Marie.


    At Alliance HQ, I rolled forward off of Treachery Rock to land next to Saffron, who''d been wrapping up some last minute discussions with Lancaster. "Sorry," I growled out, not sorry in the slightest. "Family emergency." I grabbed Saffron''s shoulder and stepped us back to the Homestead, landing next to Siobhan.


    Saffron realized what she was looking at before I could say anything. "MA!" She fell forward, landing on her knees, her arms going around her grandmother''s still form. "Ma... no... Ma..." She''d almost devolved into wordless crying when her head snapped up. "Siobhan!"


    Siobhan had already moved forward, close enough that when she knelt, her arms went around my littlest lady. "There''s nothing to be done, Saffron."


    "Re..." Saffron choked the word off as Siobhan shook her head.


    "She asked me, told me, months ago, that she didn''t want that. Didn''t want to be Revived. I," Siobhan, her own voice full of tears, nonetheless kept talking. I realized right then that she must have done this before. Sat with grieving children. Partners. Parents, even. I moved to shift Marie and I down next to the two of them, wanting to support both of them, my Kitten in her grief and my Darling who somehow managed to be such a beacon of joy despite how much sorrow I now realized she''d seen. Marie lay a gentle hand on my arm and shook her head, so I went still. "I''m sorry, Saffron, but she''s so, so old. Her body should have given out... months ago. Even if I did Revive her," she stopped, a single sob shaking her before she continued. "Even if I broke my Vow for you, my love, her body is spent. There''s nothing to Heal."


    Saffron half turned midway through that. "You would do that? For me? Break your Vow?"


    In answer Siobhan just nodded and put her arms around both of them. Saffron collapsed, squeezing Grandma Aetos'' still form to her, sobbing. I shifted again, wanting to comfort her, but Marie stopped me again, this time with a single word. "Psychopomp."


    "Oh. Oh, shit. Kitten?" Saffron looked up at me, eyes red, tears flowing. "She said she''d see me on the other side."


    Saffron drew a deep breath, then shook her head. "Go, Goof. Before her Soul wanders too far."


    I set Marie down next to our Wife and Concubine, where she wrapped her long arms around them, pulling them all together. "I''ll make sure she gets to wherever she wants to go."


    Saffron snorted. "And if she wants the Elysian Fields?"


    "Then she gets them. Even if I have to take them away from somebody."


    Saffron just nodded, "thank you, love." Then she turned back to her grief.


    I stepped to M-Space, but before I even started rising into the air, an old, familiar, snarky voice interrupted me. "Took you long enough."


    I looked down to see Grandma Aetos, naked as she''d ever been in the Bath, leaning against the front wall of the East House, not far from where she''d fallen in the Mortal Realm. She looked... somehow she looked solider than the wall behind her. She didn''t have the faint phosphorescent glow I''d seen from other Souls; barely a flicker, like the dull luminescence of a dying glow in the dark sticker, that you could only see in pitch blackness. Other than that, she looked like... Grandma. Old. Ancient. Weathered and wrinkled. I stepped over and reached out a hand to her, and her hand rose, slowly, for me to grasp.


    "I''m old, Tabitha. Granddaughter-in-Law. Older than I look." She chuckled. "So many things I forgot. Mostly. I guess when you hit my age some of it leaks through."


    I went to lift her, and she didn''t so much as budge. She was a fuckin'' boulder shaped like a little old lady.


    She grinned up at me. "Stop hiding and maybe try again?"


    I dropped my Blend, and she smiled as a fine coating of black fuzz covered me. I bent down, squatting to lift with my knees like all the warning labels said I should, slipped one arm behind her back and another under her knees, and lifted. She was fuckin'' heavy as shit, but I managed to pick her up smoothly, without any kind of wobbling or bumping her into anything. "You got rocks in your pockets or something, Grandma?"


    She cackled at me. "Nah. Just old. Just weighted down with more memories than any Mortal Soul ought to have." I opened my mouth, I''m not sure whether to argue or whatever, but she cut me off with an unexpected question. "Tell me, Mimic. Do you know what happens to Souls here? In the Afterlife? The Land of Souls?"


    "You, uh, get your final rest and reward? Or, y''know, consequences?"


    She shook her head, somehow managing a quiet cackle. She waved one bony hand at me. "You''re not wrong. But... we come here, and those of us Blessed or lucky enough find our way to an afterlife, and then... well, it depends on the afterlife, doesn''t it? Those of us who licked enough boots, sucked enough Divine cock, ate enough Holy shit over our lifetimes get an eternity of partying. Valhalla. Elysian Fields. Summerlands, although I always thought that was a little weak." She shrugged. "But then they don''t have Tartarus, or Niflhel. Maybe that''s the price. Never been to the Summerlands."


    "Is that where you want to go?"


    She shook her head, then nodded at the West Tower. "Never made it to the top of that. You mind stopping there for a bit?"


    I hugged her a little. Not like I could hug her a lot, and not for the reason I''d normally have hesitated. She wasn''t rickety, she wasn''t likely to be injured by a hug, but I couldn''t shift her much without overbalancing, and I kinda thought I might throw my back out if I tried. "Hey, for my Kitten''s Ma? Whatever you want."


    "Whatever I want?" She asked as I rose into the sky, headed for the top of the West Tower. "Watch what you say, girly. Might decide I want the Maenad treatment."


    I smirked down at her, because bantering with another smartass definitely put me back in my comfort zone, no matter how painful the situation. "I dunno. Never got the appeal of granny banging, but if you''ve got time for three rounds, I did say anything."


    She shot me a look. "Three times?"


    I nodded solemnly. "If I''m gonna try anything, I try it three times. Gotta, just to be sure if I like it or not."


    "What if I''m not into girls?"


    I shifted to boy mode without breaking stride, "hey, you wanna lie to me here in the afterlife, that''s fine, but I did say anything."


    She just cackled and leaned into my chest. Then poked me in the pec. "Switch back, that''s not comfortable."


    I laughed and switched back. A moment later we settled on the roof of the East Tower, and I turned to show her the Homestead proper spread out below us. The whole thing, especially the courtyard, was still kind of fuzzy, ethereal, like the stone hadn''t had time to set itself yet, but the buildings were kinda solid. Weirdest part, some of the apartments in the North and South Houses, not to mention the dining room, the bedroom, and the Bath in the East House all were almost as solid as the tower we stood on, which rose even higher here in M-Space than it did in the Mortal Realm.. "So. What do you think of our place?"


    She sighed, the sound one of contentment. "Solid. Secure. Safe. Feels good knowing my family''s got a place like this. Not just a place here on somebody else''s sufferance. But their own... Heh, never thought there''d be an Aetos fortress."


    "There is now." I whispered.


    "Not gonna go on about that whole ''Aetos-Diaz'' thing?"


    I smiled, my eyes tearing a little, but shook my head. "Nah. I mean, it makes me go all gooey, and I love it, but nah. The family started out with Saffron and Isnomi. And you. I just got lucky enough to be picked up along the way."


    She patted my chest and said, "you''re making your own additions to it now though."


    A goofy grin stretched my lips, my whole face, at the thought of Murder Mittens and Darling and their glowing baby bellies. "Yeah."


    She pointed down to the Bedroom, which showed up even through the rock of the mountainside, solider than anything here except maybe Grandma. "That where you did it?"


    "Yeah."


    She sniffed. "Looks a bit of a mess."


    My face heated. "We, ah, didn''t have much time to clean up."


    "After two days?" I just blushed harder, and her smile got even more knowing. "You gonna take her back there before you clean it?"


    I wasn''t about to start lying to Grandma now. "Probably."


    "Woman of culture, woman after my own heart. Get her back there this week; it starts to go bad after that." Then she sniffed again and glanced around. "Well. Mortal Realm it would. Not sure about here. But definitely get her there before then, just to be sure."


    "I''m not sure whether to thank you for the advice or get all bashful and shit."


    She just glanced at me. "Yeah, you''re sure."


    "Yeah, I am. Thanks."


    She nodded. "As I was sayin'' about the afterlife, some folks get the good ones. Party forever. Not sure if it happens to all of them, but the ones I seen... kinda calcified. Became caricatures of themselves. For somebody like your little Concubine, what is already kinda... pure? Might not be so bad. But for most people it kinda leaches the them out of them."


    "What about other places?"


    She nodded. "Tartarus? NiflHel? The places Gods put other Gods they don''t want to think about, to torment them forever? Yeah, Mortal Souls don''t survive that. Not for long. Like meat in a grinder. Logs in a flame. Burned away to nothing. Less they get out, and believe you me, they''re always tryin''."


    I thought about the Master Lich, tried to feel any kind of sympathy for her, but all I could think of was her threatening to end a bunch of kids just to piss me off. "Good."


    "Eh. If you say so. Then there''s the rest. Hel. Hades. Where most of us wind up. Where people just... slowly fade away."


    "Wait, really?"


    She shrugged. "I mean, it''s like the good ones, only there''s not really anything intense keeping them together. So yeah. Now and then you''ll get a Soul that''s strong enough, knows themselves enough, that they sort of carve themselves a little place. Now and then Hel or Hades or whoever carves a favorite a little spot like that. But mostly yeah, they just slowly fade away. It doesn''t hurt them or anything. They don''t act like it does anyway. They just slowly disappear."


    "You talk about it like you''ve been there."


    She nodded. "When you''ve been there a few dozen years... maybe a couple hundred, it''s a little hard to tell. When you''ve been there long enough, sometimes you hear something. Feel something. A sense of longing, of direction. It terrifies some Souls. But if you follow it, you wind up someplace warm and wet and comforting." She snorted out a laugh. "Not much different than your Bath. Just smaller." She shook her head sadly. "And you... forget. Forget everything that came before. Until you die again, and wind up back here, where it all comes back to you."


    "So reincarnation is a real thing?"


    "Is that what it''s called? Living another life? And another one? And another one?" I shrugged, nodded. "Then yeah." She sighed. "Damn shame. Turn around."


    I''d turned to face the Homestead proper without thinking about it, but now I gently spun in place to face the valley. The area where, on the other side, we''d cleared a bowshot from the top of the West Tower and claimed everything in sight. The rest of the Homestead.


    My Maw, big enough to swallow up a small town.


    "There it is." She paused, then nudged me. "We gonna get moving?"


    "That''s what you want? Really?" She nodded. "But... why?"


    "Because I''m old, Tabitha. So fucking old. Even if somebody tapped me with some kind of immortality stick, my Soul is so old. So heavy, I can barely move. I stick around here in the Afterlife, I''m not sure I can even move enough to answer that call if I''m offered another go round. All there is for me here is just to fade away."


    "Might be peaceful, at least. You could just sit here. Nobody''d bother you."


    "I appreciate the offer, but... fuck that noise. I''d have let go of life back in the day if I didn''t have Saffron to care for. She''s safe now. Hung on until I saw that, just to spite Sengann and Balor. Nothing keeping me there in a used up body any more, and don''t want to hang around here in a used up Soul, either."


    "You sure you don''t want to stick around long enough for the ones who can make it here to say good bye?"


    She shook her head. "Couldn''t have better last words to Marie, and that rascal Menace might try to follow me in. Besides, once she''s been here she''ll know how to get back."


    I carefully did not mention or think about the times she''d already been to M-Space, albeit not specifically to whatever part of it Souls hung out in, I just nodded. "I get it. Hold on, I don''t want to drop you." I lowered us both down, down, down to the edge of my Maw. It took a while.


    She started chuckling when I said that, and about halfway down blurted out, "don''t want to drop me. What happens if you do?"


    "Same thing that happens if I set you in gently, but it just seems disrespectful." She laughed again, and I realized something. "Oh, hey, you say you stayed alive just to spite Balor and Sengann, huh?"


    She nodded. "Kinda hoped they''d hear me and come running to rebuke me."


    "Not gonna happen," I laughed.


    She looked up at me as we lowered to the point where my feet touched the damp ground at the edge of my Maw. "Aren''t you the cocky one."


    I grinned at her. "Not really." Then I belched, long and loud, the kind where you gotta exhale at the end before you can breathe. "Excuse me."


    She just stared at me, her expression slowly taking on a radiant look of unholy glee. "Really?" She nodded to my Maw. "In there?"


    A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    I shrugged. "Nah. Neither of them made it that far. But Balor''s been gone since before this past Yule. I blasted Sengann to dust," I glanced away and murmured, "and maybe inhaled him," before continuing in my normal speaking voice, "New Years before this last one."


    She broke down laughing. She laughed until she cried, then cried until she smiled again. "Oh, thank you for that, lass. Thank you." She waved me down, and when I bent over to hear whatever she wanted to whisper to me, she pulled me down into a kiss. Still not into granny banging, and even here she didn''t have Saffron''s sheer Skill with her lips, but passion and intent count for a lot. She pulled away, batting her old thinning eyelashes and laughing. "My Hero."


    We stood there chuckling about that for a while, until she nodded to the Maw. "So what happens in there?"


    I shrugged. "For Gods, or things like that big assed Dragon I ate? They dissolve, and I get their Power and Portfolio."


    "That affect you much?" She tapped the side of my head. "Up here?"


    I paused in thought. Eventually I said, "maybe? I''m working to keep a handle on it. If I don''t, I''ve got Saffron to keep me in line."


    She chuckled at that. "That you do, lass. What about Mortals?"


    "I dunno. They just kinda... dissolve. I mean, Souls do. Live Mortals do too, but, uh..." She looked at me expectantly. "I ate a little of Siobhan''s hair the day before the wedding and holy shit it tasted so good I almost ate the rest of her right then."


    She tapped me on the forehead, a gesture I''d seen her make once with Saffron, a couple times with Menace, always while they were being a particular kind of self reinforcing stupid. "But you didn''t."


    I blew out two big lungsful of air. "No. No, I didn''t. Because that''s not who I want to be."


    She nodded. "So, Gods become part of you?" I shrugged, nodded, still kind of uncomfortable after her earlier question about my mental stability. "Mortals maybe too?"


    I shrugged again. "I guess?"


    She nodded. "Worse things could happen to a Soul." She paused, then nodded. "Put me in, if you please."


    I flowed forward, hovering just above my Maw until I got to the parts deep enough that I could immerse her without maybe hitting the bottom. If there was such a thing anywhere, it would be near the edges. As I lowered her slowly, gently, into the Maw, I scrunched up my face. "Oh, man, if you become part of me, does that mean having sex with your granddaughter is incest?"


    I hit just the right spot with that one. She guffawed as she slipped beneath the surface. Before she sank all the way under, she spoke, and I paused while she did. "Better not be, because I expect you to put at least one baby in that belly of hers."


    I smiled down at her while her limbs slowly, at the speed the Bath''s water would infiltrate painfully sore muscles, dissolved. "Planning on having her put one in mine, too."


    "That''s my girl," she whispered, still smiling. "Fuck the Gods." She smiled at me as her body started to dissolve like an old school bullion cube. The taste hit me, slightly sweet and unmistakably bitter and overwhelmingly pungent all at once. Her smile slipped into a Grin that told me where Saffron got hers from. "Put babies in the cute ones."


    Right before her head slipped under the surface, she whispered, "tell Marie that Tina Kae says good bye. Good seeing her again bef..."


    Then, with a burst of flavor that had me rising out of the Maw, head spinning, she faded away, a smile still on her face.


    I stepped back to the Courtyard, landing right outside the House where I''d left the others. All of them were right where I''d left them, Saffron cradling Grandma''s body in her arms, Siobhan and Marie holding her while she mourned. Night had come, painting the sky with the kinds of stars only visible out here in the middle of nowhere.


    "The kids?"


    Siobhan nodded toward the East House. "I told them to start on dinner, that we''d be in after a bit."


    I nodded, and Saffron looked up at me, her eyes just a little haunted. "You''re back."


    "Yeah."


    "Where?" I closed my eyes, sighed, and nodded toward where my Maw lurked in M-Space. Her jaw dropped. "Why?"


    I hung my head, ashamed for no reason I could explain. "It''s what she asked for. What she wanted. What she needed."


    "Why did you let her?" she bawled out, anguish in every word.


    "For the same reason you did not take me again as a man," whispered Siobhan. "For the same reason our Goddess made her first and primary Commandment unto us." When Saffron looked at her, anger kindling, Siobhan whispered, "it was her choice. Not Tabitha''s. Would you have our Goddess deny Mortals Agency in such a personal matter?"


    I watched the pressure build in Saffron. Build and build until she threw her head back and screamed. Howled, yowled almost like a wild animal, pouring her grief into the uncaring sky.


    Then she collapsed, falling back over into Siobhan''s arms, into Marie''s arms. I swept in, arms and tentacles wrapping around them all, lifting them up.


    Grandma''s body was so light. Like lifting an empty dress. "Where do we go?"


    "Her room." Marie declared. I nodded, walked into the house and headed straight up the stairs. I think the kids heard me come in, or maybe heard the doors shut, because as we walked up the steps to the third floor I heard them come out of the dining room. I didn''t hurry, but I didn''t slow, and after setting Siobhan down at the door, I laid Grandma and Marie and Saffron down on the bed in Grandma''s room, laying her out straight and making sure her eyes were shut before turning back to the door. Siobhan stood there delaying the girls. I walked out to join her, and the moment Isnomi saw me she asked, "whas wrong, Mama?"


    I... I couldn''t lie to her. Couldn''t find a way to sugar coat the truth. I had a total mom failure moment. I squatted down on my heels, as close to eye-to-eye with her as I could get, and keeping my voice quiet and level, said, "I''m sorry, Menace. Grandma Aetos died."


    I held my arms out and watched the same emotions I''d seen overpower Saffron rush through her until she bawled out, "GAMMA! NO!" and darted past me to run into the room.


    I stood and turned. I didn''t know if I was gonna try and stop her or or what, but Siobhan lay a hand on my arm and nodded to the rest of the girls. Alex and Maze both trying to keep things inside, eyes shining and breath getting just a bit ragged. Lindsey, weeping openly but still in control of herself. David and Daya both sobbing. Ria standing there, a look of pure animal terror on her face. I stepped forward, scooped them all up into a hug, then pulled them into the room with me. Daya and David both scrambled up to cling to Marie, who soothed them while they cried. Menace clung to her mom, clung to Grandma''s body, Mana flickering around them as Saffron held herself together just enough to soothe our daughter.


    I nodded to Siobhan. She pulled the door closed and stepped over to where I embraced our four bigger girls, putting her arms around them as well. "It''s okay to cry. To be sad. To let it out."


    I ran out of words, my own face wet, and Siobhan stepped into the gap. "Your mother speaks the truth, girls. Crying isn''t weak, isn''t something to be ashamed of. It''s just another way of expressing love, the love for someone who is no longer with us."


    Alex blubbered. Maze sobbed, but didn''t quite collapse onto me the way Alex did. Lindsey kept crying, holding her sisters, holding on to me. Ria... I took one look at her and shifted the other three girls into Siobhan''s arms, where Maze and Lindsey kept crying and helping to shelter Alex, who completely broke down. I reached out, pulled Ria to me, and stepped up to my little office atop the Bore.


    "Ria? Sweetie? I''m here. You''re safe."


    Her head shook convulsively. "NO. No, not safe. Never safe."


    I took a deep breath, then scooped her to me, tentacles surrounding us, forming a tiny dark cocoon in the middle of the room. "Anyone trying to hurt you will have to come through me to do it. Or, more likely, die trying. You, Ria Crow, are safe here in my arms."


    She broke down weeping, crying, sobbing incoherently. After a while, I''m not sure how long, words trickled out. "I... I remember."


    "Grandma?"


    She shook her head. "Dying." She sobbed again, then whispered, "falling apart. First my body, then my Soul, turning to ash as Balor looked on, impatient that I didn''t die faster."


    I couldn''t help it, my tentacles writhed as leftover fury raced through me. "You''re alive, Ria. You''re alive and safe here with me."


    She kept shaking. "But what if he comes? What if he comes for me again? While you''re not here?"


    "He won''t."


    She pushed away from me, almost screaming, terror keeping her voice hoarse and quiet enough not to echo. "How can you know? He''s the Mor Primordial of Death!"


    I held her by her upper arms, turned her to look me in the eyes, and said, "not any more." Confusion laced itself through her terrified anger. "Balor of the Mor isn''t anything any more." More confusion. I sighed, tugged on the Emergency Coring Tentacles. A moment later Mom stood there, and Ria froze, turning just far enough to glimpse Domnu''s feet from the corner of her eyes.


    "Daughter."


    "Hey, Mom. Can you tell Ria here what happened to Balor?"


    "Yes."


    I waited while Ria stood there, frozen with terror. Then sighed and said, "Mother, tell Ria what happened to Balor."


    "My son, Balor, Mor Primordial of Death. You killed him, daughter. Killed him, drained his essence, his Mana, and used it to Revive this one."


    Ria''s gaze swiveled around to meet mine. "Really?"


    "I do not prevaricate, child." Mom sounded a little pissed.


    "Calm down, Mom. People get a little stupid when they''re afraid, and she''s a kid and she''s terrified."


    Domnu snorted. "So she is more intelligent than most." She half lifted a hand. "I could remove her fear."


    I forced her to stillness. "No, Mom. Thanks for the thought, though, I know you meant well." I thought for half a second. "Did I interrupt your, uh, Worship?"


    "Yes."


    I nodded. "Okay, yeah, head on back to Johnson''s or wherever. Thanks, Mom."


    "De Nada." With that, she disappeared.


    When I turned back to me, Ria had something else in her eyes. "You... you really did that for me?"


    "You''re my daughter. So far, two times out of of two, when someone has killed my daughter, I''ve burned the fuckers to Revive my girls. Practically a fact of nature by this point."


    She snorted out something like a laugh, then started weeping again. "She told me not to be afraid. Of dying, that is. She told me there were worse things, things I never had to fear, for I am Sidhe."


    I thought about that for a second. "Yeah. Yeah, you''ll never have to worry about your body betraying you for no better reason than you''ve lived a long time. You''ll never have to realize that you''re more Skilled than you ever have been, and it doesn''t matter because your body won''t work the way it''s supposed to."


    "She... she never told me any of that. She never told me those things were happening to her."


    I shook my head. "No. No, she wouldn''t. Because she wasn''t asking for your sympathy, or pity, or even help. She just didn''t want you to be afraid."


    "Why didn''t you have her take my fear away?"


    I sighed. "Because people without any fear? Do really stupid shit, and inevitably somebody else winds up paying for it. The worst of them do it over and over and over and never get caught, never wind up paying for their mistakes."


    "So... I live with fear?"


    "We all do, kiddo. You feel it, you let it keep you from getting too reckless, but you don''t let it freeze you. You don''t let it stop you when it''s time to do really stupid shit."


    "Like?"


    "Like killing Balor while Domnu watched me do it."


    "Oh."


    "Yeah, oh. You ready to go back downstairs?"


    She nodded, and we rejoined the rest of the family in Grandma''s room. We cried, we held each other. Eventually we slept. Well, everyone else slept. I think I did too, but...


    I don''t remember falling asleep, or even waking up, but I dreamed. Dreamed of Marie hovering over my Maw, staring down into it, yowling. My tentacles writhed out over the Maw. As my other ladies faded in and out of perception around my Maw''s edges, she yowled out her grief, my tentacles holding her, gently soothing her, stroking her glowing belly.


    When Saffron woke, she rose to her knees on the bed. "Girls. Your best dresses, please."


    Menace sobbed a little, then asked, "Wedding?"


    Saffron nodded. "Most of you may wear your wedding dresses." She looked down at where Isnomi clutched Grandma''s hand and said, "I think your uniform would be more appropriate, though."


    "Yes, Ma."


    I don''t know if Isnomi noticed how her mom stiffened up when her daughter called her that. As the girls trooped out of the room, I slipped my arm around her. She stayed stiff for a moment, then melted into my arms once the girls left. "I don''t know how I''m going to go on without her, love."


    "The same as you have been, Kitten." She looked up at me sharply, and I sighed. "The only reason she hung on this long was to make sure you were secure enough, strong enough to go on without her. I think these past few days since she moved in have been... I don''t think she''d ever been happier."


    "She used to be happy when my mom and dad were alive." She sobbed a little, halfheartedly smacking her grandma''s corpse on the shin. "Why couldn''t you have been happy for me?"


    I pulled her to me. "I know how you feel, Kitten. My mom worked herself to death. I never saw her until she lay dying." She turned to me, obviously feeling some kinda way, and I said, "I''m not tryna compete with you, or belittle you. Tryna make you understand, get past something it took me a long time to get past."


    "Go on."


    I nodded. "My mom... she did all that work because she wanted to make sure I had enough to get by after she passed. After she died." Saffron nodded, and I continued. "Grandma... she told me she probably should have died back when your mom and dad did. Dunno what killed them," I thought about Sengann, "some kinda plague?" Saffron nodded. "Your Grandma held on through that, held on since then, just to watch over you. She fuckin'' refused to leave you homeless and alone, even in the face of disease and death."


    "She left me alone now."


    I squeezed her to me. "Are you though?" She turned on me, but before she could speak I said, "she saw us here. You and me. You and Marie. You and Siobhan. You and all our kids, and the women who live here under your care, and the fucking fortress you''ve built to protect us. The fortress you own, by the way. She saw you happy and safe and secure and above all loved by everyone here, and she was finally able to let go." I sniffled a little bit, because I missed the old crone too, wanted to maybe break down crying, but right now my Kitten needed me, needed this. "My mom didn''t leave me alone because she didn''t love me; she worked herself to death because she loved me so much. Your Grandma didn''t leave you because she stopped loving you, she stayed with you for... years after she should have died, just to make sure you weren''t alone."


    "Because she loved me?"


    "Yeah."


    "Not just to spite Sengann and Balor?"


    I snorted. "Hey, you can have two equally good reasons for doing something, and neither one invalidates the other." I paused for a second, then decided to tell her. "When I told her what happened to Balor and Sengann, that she outlived them, she laughed for like a solid minute."


    Saffron barked out a laugh that rapidly dissolved into an ugly cry. Eventually, when that ran out, she whispered, "I''m gonna miss her so much."


    "Me too, Kitten. Me too."


    Right about then the girls got back. Menace in her uniform, Maze and Ria in their Novice dresses, the other four in their onesies. I popped my uniform on, only to have Saffron replace it with The Dress a moment later. "Religious garb where applicable and not inappropriate at funerals."


    This isn''t inappropriate?


    Grandma liked seeing you in it.


    She was into scars too, huh?


    Saffron smirked. I don''t think she ever noticed your scars. Too busy staring at that ass.


    I spluttered a little as Siobhan and Saffron replaced their clothes with Glowing Midnight, then did the same for Marie. What about when I was facing her?


    She kept hoping one of the straps would slide off.


    I realized what she was doing. Which was anything to keep her emotions from focusing on what was going on. So I just rolled with it. When I reached for Marie, Saffron stepped in the way. "She did want you carrying her to her final resting place, after all." And I''m not sure I could without breaking down.


    I scooped Grandma''s body into my arms. It was... it felt almost like lifting an empty dress again. Like she weighed less than Isnomi. Saffron picked up Marie and nodded to the kids. "Follow Mama, girls." To the top of the Bore and out, love.


    Step by step, I walked up the steps, trying not to cry too much. Trying not to be so stoic it made the girls feel like they couldn''t cry. Eventually we reached the top of the Bore, and if the littler girls looked a little tired, none of them slowed or stopped. I stepped outside to the stone of the mountaintop, then moved aside for the others to come out. Saffron gently set Marie on the ground.


    "Girls, please help Marie stay sitting up."


    "Why?" asked Isnomi.


    "A pregnancy related injury. She''ll be fine, she just can''t move her legs at the moment."


    "Oh." They clustered around her, and the wind whisked away quiet murmured questions about Marie''s belly.


    Meanwhile Saffron stepped over to the mountain''s nearest outcropping. A Mana Blade slid out of her right arm, and with rigidly controlled swipes she formed a bed of stone, a simple platform, maybe four by eight, maybe three feet high. She nodded, and I laid Grandma''s body atop it while Saffron knelt and did something to with a smaller Mana Blade at the end of the bed. When we both stepped back, I saw the inscription.


    Anise Aetos


    Beloved Grandmother And Great Grandmother


    Passed from this world Year 341 AFP, Year 2 AFA


    Defied the Gods Themselves to see her Family Safe


    Then she stepped forward, turned, and faced the rest of us. "We are here today to say our final farewell to Anise Aetos. My Grandmother. Grandma Aetos. She... she loved me. Loved you. Loved all of us. I... She will be missed. We commend her Soul to the Goddess she worshipped. May the Goddess help her find her just rewards. Let it be so."


    She stepped aside as Marie and Siobhan chorused, "let it be so," and I realized that none of the kids knew what to do next. Marie couldn''t move, and I don''t think Siobhan thought it was her place to go first.


    I stepped over, feeling like some kind of fake, knowing that her Soul was already gone, but somehow my last conversation with her and telling Saffron about why she''d hung on so long helped me do things right, to show my kids what to do if nothing else. I leaned over the body where it lay near the edge of the stone bed, one hand resting gently on her arm, and brushed my lips across her forehead. "I''ll miss you, Grandma."


    I stepped back, and Maze stepped up. I should have realized she''d been to funerals too, even if she maybe never made it to her parents''. Mercenaries here and now probably had a lot of them. "Good by, Grandma Aetos."


    Marie waved me over, and I picked her up and carried her over. She lay one huge claw across Grandma''s chest and whispered, "Goodbye, Anise."


    I remembered just then. Tina Kae.


    Murder Mittens'' murder mitten tensed. What?


    The last thing she told me. The last thing she asked me to do, before... To tell you Tina Kae said good bye, and that it was good seeing you again.


    Marie ran her claws gently down the side of Grandma''s face, then down her body, like one would do to a departed lover almost. Then she twisted around and clung to me, sobbing. As I carried her back to where the others stood, I thought, do you want to talk about it?


    Later. After another few sobs, she thought, Wake.


    One by one the girls went up and said their goodbyes. Ria quietly thanked her for helping her be brave. Siobhan helped the three littlest ones up onto the bed, where all three hugged her as they said goodbye. Menace not only hugged her, but cried for a minute, then tipped her head back and howled. Not a sobbing human howl, but a pure lupine cry of distress for a lost pack member. In seconds all the girls joined her, and as they all ran out of breath Marie punctuated their howling with one huge feline yowl of grief. Menace leapt off the slab and ran over to leap up and cling to Marie, making little comforting noises as she did.


    Good kid.


    Siobhan quietly said her good byes, thanking Grandma for all her help in the Infirmary, and then Saffron stepped up. She leaned over, hugged Grandma, and held her there for a bit as the wind picked up and she quietly wept. Then she stepped back, gently sliding Grandma''s body to the middle of the stone platform. "Thank you, Ma," she said, just loud enough for it to carry to the rest of us, although I''m not sure she did that intentionally. "Thank you for refusing to leave me, to leave us, when the bastards stole the rest of our family away. Thank you for staying, for watching over me, for teaching me." Her voice dropped to a whisper, but I could still make out the words as they filled her mind as well as her mouth. "I swear to you, Ma, you will be remembered when their names are lost on the ash heap of history." Then she lay one hand on her grandmother''s hand and said, "Good bye, Ma."


    She Shaped as she stepped away, and I saw the smoldering and the first licks of fire as she faced us again. "We now commend Anise Aetos'' Mortal shell to the winds, for she no longer has need of it, having gone to her Goddess." She turned to face the pyre, and if her voice broke just the tiniest bit, I wasn''t gonna say shit about that. "Rest well, Anise Aetos. Your long watch is ended, your work on this Earth is complete."

 Day Six Hundred And Thirty-Three

    Dear Diary,


    I don''t really know whether there was anything I should have done differently over the past couple days. Could have? Sure. I could have Revived Grandma. She might have died again right after, but it''s not like I''ve got any lack of Mana or stubborn or stupid. Since I''d have to be an idiot to try to out-stubborn Grandma Aetos about something like that. I could have refused to take her to my Maw, or even done shit to try and keep her out of it, but much like with Reviving her, it''d wind up being a question of stubborn, and I sure as shit wouldn''t want to get into that particular flavor of pissing contest. I''m not into that kind of thing.


    Of course, it''s not just about whether something was dumb. It... holy fuck on a stick, but my reconditioned two year old cereal box prize moral compass has actually pointed to something as ''not right'', although if I manage to read the faded printing I think it reads ''not me''. As in ''not the Deity or Person I want to be''. Chain Reviving somebody just to keep them technically ''alive'' feels a lot like the ''heroic measures'' I saw a couple doctors take to keep someone''s heart beating when I was sitting watching my mom die in the hospital. So long as they still had money or insurance, they''d put any poor bitch without a DNR through hell just to keep them technically ''alive'' enough to keep the bills flowing. Okay, I''m sure some of them were really doing it to try and give their patients maybe one more day with their loved ones, just a little more time to find a cure for whatever was killing them, or whatever, but the me sitting there watching my mom die wasn''t exactly me at my most charitable. Or mature.


    If I''d had some kind of moral problem with putting somebody in my Maw, it ought to have started with Garde. I should have hesitated before I ate that Dragon. Okay, I''m definitely sure that taunting that poor Draconic bitch, letting her think I might not end her, just to add a little extra despair flavoring to her head cheese was somewhere in the direction of ''not who I want to be'', but I think ''fighting an ancient evil that literally ate empires worth of sentient beings'' is one of those situations where I can cut myself a little slack for making mistakes. Like, yeah, still a mistake, still want to try and avoid that in the future, even if a tingle in my belly that''s threatening to spread to my crotch and mouth in equal measure says ''no, no, it was fine, you should try making the Mortals despair some!'' I''m really not sure whether it''s better or worse that thinking about that bittersweet, pungent, mind-alteringly intense flavor settles that appetite right down. Of course, now it''s more ''can we save a few like that up and do them all at once''.


    Seriously. The Dragon was the world''s biggest tub of chocolate frosting. Hit my metaphoric hips like a freight train, and definitely something I''d nom the fuck out of again if the mood hit and the situation was right, but... I could not do it, too. Grandma Aetos, on the other hand, was a flavor experience. Which feels like it ought to be a terrible thing to say, but some part of me, amazingly some part of me that isn''t an enormous hyperchromatic orange tabby, thinks that might be wrong. Like incorrect wrong, not morally bad wrong. If someone is decides for whatever reason to check out, and their chosen method for that is one last soak in my Maw, maybe the least I can do is pay attention. Savor them. Experience them, not as I want them to be or as other people saw them, maybe not even as they wanted to be seen, but as they are. Were? No, in that final moment, they are, I think. If you consider they''re having a serious gustatory and sensation impact on a Primordial that''s covering a decent portion of a tectonic plate, they might be more real in that moment than they ever were before.


    Or maybe that''s just me thinking backwards under the influence of Her Dark Fatassness. Or maybe my Chuuni phase is creeping back out in preparation for guiding my daughters through that shit, since some of them are gonna hit it eventually.


    So yeah, I don''t have any moral qualms about how I handled Grandma''s death, or her Soul.


    The rest of it though... Maybe I could have told the kids more gently. Broken it to them better. Maybe I should have let Siobhan talk to Ria while I held the girls. Or kept everybody together. So many ors it seems like a sea lion convention. I felt like I was stumbling through the whole fuckin'' day yesterday. I think maybe I''m gonna need to visit Loki and Sigyn at some point in the near future.


    Or we could come visit you. You''ve no present need for Soul Realignment, and we could speak in your office as easily as my cave.


    Yeah, my office gets cold as shit at night. Doesn''t warm up until around noon maybe.


    Oh no. Not cold. Whatever shall I do.


    Fuckin'' Jotnar smart ass. You just wanna watch Mom''s nips get hard without having to work for it.


    Nonsense. It also means I can watch without my hands obscuring the view.


    That got a belly laugh out of me, which I definitely needed. Thanks, Dad. You''re the best.


    I know. Shall we come to the wake?


    I''ll check with Saffron, but I''d like you two there.


    Then we''ll be there.


    So yesterday after the funeral, once we watched the fire burn the corpse down to nothing but ash and the ash blow away in the wind until nothing remained, we all trooped back inside. By that point Daya, David, and Menace were all three mostly asleep. The after effects of the emotional avalanche of Grandma''s death and the associated traumas had Alex and Ria both nearly that fatigued, and if Maze and Lindsey had each held up remarkably well, they were still kids who''d had a full fuckin'' day.


    "Dining room?" Saffron nodded, and I scooped everyone together and stepped them downstairs. We managed to get some food into all of the kids; all of it ''funeral feast'' stuff, which here and now wound up being leftovers and cold cuts and stuff the women from the North and South Houses brought to share with us. All of it also cold. Didn''t turn my stomach or anything, but it seemed like a nice warm soup or some other kind of comfort food might make us all feel better. Unfortunately, with Marie not really up to cooking, my own cooking having advanced to ''firmly not disgusting in any particular way'', and the girls firmly stuck at ''we can make hardtack'', we were stuck with what we had. So we all ate cold stuff, then bundled the kids in our laps while the women came through delivering condolences and cold cuts.


    Most of which were some form of bear. Roast bear. Bear salami. Bear sausage. Bear jerky. Bear braunschweiger. Even some weird jellied bear pie. I''ve realized that savory gelatin dishes are just a thing that exists here and now, but I''m not sure if I''ll ever get used to them. Even Marie''s, which are objectively incredibly delicious, still hit me from a direction I''m not expecting. A couple of women did bring a few spring vegetables as well, although for some reason Saffron went out of her way to reassure the women who brought those that we appreciated them.


    What am I missing, Kitten?


    Cold, preserved meats are traditional. Other preserved foods might be acceptable. Fresh vegetables... are a sign that those women don''t have enough to spare.


    What? How the fuck don''t they have bear meat?


    Both of them are pregnant, and have been since we had menfolk visitors, explained Siobhan. I''ve been encouraging them to get plenty of protein and vegetables in their diets. The former means they''ve gone through their bear faster than most, the latter that they''ve been foraging for vegetables to supplement the small gardens some ladies have started.


    Uh, first, gardens? Where?


    On their roofs, in the corners of the upper valley around the Courtyard, and they''d opened plenty of ground down in the wider valley, although the early crops were lost when the Dragon attacked.


    Better the crops than the women.


    Agreed.


    Okay, second, we''re getting them more bear meat, right?


    Absolutely. From our stores directly or from the next shipment from Erie.


    Holding court still felt... weird. But I got that it made the women feel better. It''s almost like the whole ''phatic communication'' thing. Talking you do that basically boils down to ''hello fellow person, I am a person like you, we can communicate with mouth noises, and do not need to prepare to kill one another with fire and extreme prejudice''. The shit some a lot of people on the spectrum have problems with, although once it''s explained like that, that it''s basically like a carrier tone for real communication, or maybe an IFF, some of them get better at it. Not, like, great, but better.


    So I sat my ass there, accepted condolences, didn''t flinch away or read anything into it when Devorah''s hugs were a little long. Not like I''m the only one she did that to, either. Apparently she''s a hugger. Like, yeah, obviously she hasn''t given up on ''after'', but her hugs this time were just her being platonic her. I let them all express themselves, and acknowledged them and recognized them as people living under a roof we technically owned. People who belonged here, making their homes in our houses, for as long as they needed or wanted to stay.


    By the time they stopped coming through it was time for dinner and bath, although the kids were one and all stuffed from noshing on the funeral food as came in and fast asleep. So Saffron, Siobhan, and I carted them to the Bath, scrubbed them down quickly and gently, then toted them back down to our big round bed, where Marie waited with the covers already toasty warm. They all drifted off to sleep, and I almost had as well, when Saffron slipped us all to the Bedroom.


    "What''s up, Kitten?"


    Before she answered, Siobhan tilted her head and asked, "you want to begin the Wake privately?"


    Saffron just looked at me with the kind of intensity that had me taking a deep breath. At which point the leftover funk in the room hit me. "Yes, Siobhan. For this, I want to be sober and private."


    "Uh, guys?" They all looked at me, and I said, "what do you guys do at Wakes around here?"


    "What are they like where you''re from?" Saffron asked.


    I shrugged. "Mostly it''s a really loud party where people get stupid drunk. I heard it was supposed to be a party to ''wake the dead''. Like, in case they weren''t really dead or something."


    Siobhan giggled a little at that, but Saffron shook her head and said, "there are parallels, but here a Wake is a celebration of life. Waking up after the funeral, after the acknowledgement of death and loss, and saying, no, screaming to the world that we who remain are alive and awake and will continue on." She paused. "We celebrate the one we''ve lost. We tell our own stories of them. When we can, we indulge in all of their secret vices and guilty pleasures, the things that made them feel alive when they were. And the things that remind us of them, things we did with them when they were alive."


    You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.


    I nodded. "Oh. Okay. I kinda thought you''d brought us here for some of that old fashioned ''celebration of life'' stuff." They all looked at me, and I kinda muttered out, "y''know, fuckin''."


    They all laughed, although Siobhan''s got real husky real fast as she pulled Saffron and Marie to her. "That''s not wrong. Not unexpected at a wake. But... Well... Grandma did always talk to me about something she wanted to do." She blushed a little, but soldiered on. "She was very envious of me these past several months."


    I smirked. "Like, she wanted a threesome? Foursome? Orgy? Tentacles?" I hovered a few into the room. "I mean, something tells me Grandma partied as hard as we ever did back in the day." Marie snorted, and I nodded. "Okay, yeah, maybe not quite that hard, but i can''t imagine her wanting to get railed from both ends and not finding two dudes to do the deed." I stood there wondering about it, for whatever reason that burst of black licorice flavor filling my brain for a second. "So what was it she wanted to do that you got to that she didn''t?"


    Siobhan took a deep breath, stepped forward, reached up and buried her hands in my hair. "You." She pulled me down into a kiss, and while she distracted me Saffron maneuvered me into Marie''s reach, and it was all over but the word salad screaming.


    Three on one is... look, we share a lot. We like sharing a lot. We like partnering up, whether it''s separately or together. We''ll even watch each other in pairs. But two of us focused on one is a little, I dunno, uncommon, and three of us focusing on the fourth hadn''t happened often. Like, even after my date with Siobhan, we all just kind of took turns with her. But this was all three of them totally focused on me. Yeah, I think some mutual satisfaction happened, but I cannot fuckin'' be sure, because I had six hands, three mouths, and three brains all focused on, y''know, me. I dunno if any of it was shit Grandma would have done, but I definitely was. Done, and done well.


    As I floated back to something approaching coherence, enjoying the feel of Saffron''s breasts pressed against my side, Siobhan''s coolness covering my legs, and Marie''s fuzzy head lying across my breasts, I snickered.


    "Yes, Goof?" Saffron murmured into the side of my breast.


    "Just thought of one of the things Grandma and I liked to do when I spent the day in the Infirmary."


    "Oh? Do tell."


    I slipped a few Blended tentacles into the room, sliding them around calves, around arms, around a certain still glowing belly. "Yeah, we''d sit there tryna surreptitiously ogle the hotness in the Infirmary." I shrugged. "Couldn''t very well ogle the injured. That''s just, y''know, not cool when we''re supposed to be helping them get better. Didn''t get a chance to really drool over many of them as they left. Some of the trainees were a little young for me, and that meant they were way too young for her."


    Siobhan, her chin propped on her hands, looking up at me from between my legs, furrowed her brow. "So who did you ogle?"


    I turned and pulled Saffron up to bring her face up near mine. "Isn''t she adorable?"


    "She is."


    I smirked and let one of my tentacles tickle that sigil on Siobhan''s belly. "So what should we do with our adorable Ice Pop?"


    Saffron looked down at Siobhan, then back up to me, her face solemn. "It would only be right if you did each and every thing that Grandma ever suggested."


    I scrunched up my nose as Siobhan finally realized exactly who Grandma and I had spent most of our time watching, then asked, "like, each thing she suggested once, or each thing she suggested once for every time she suggested it?"


    "You kept count?"


    "Some things are important."


    Saffron nodded, and when Siobhan opened her mouth a tentacle slipped in. I absolutely did not shudder when her instinctive response was to lick it and swallow. "Of course the properly respectful thing to do would be the latter."


    I pulled Siobhan up to hover over the three of us, spread eagled, her expression going from vexed to overwhelmed as I dropped the Blend on my tentacles. "So. Siobhan. Ice Pop. Darling. I don''t want to, not going to force you into anything. And Consent without being Informed... isn''t. So before you say yes to this, know that it''s gonna be extensive and very, very spicy. So... knowing that, do you still want to have all the things Grandma suggested done to you?"


    She furrowed her brow and glanced down at her mouth. I pulled that tentacle out and she whispered, "nothing too rough? I..." she glanced down.


    "Nah. Nothing rough. Nothing that will endanger that little girl glowing and growing there. But... we''re gonna have to carry you home and tuck you into bed when we''re done, I think."


    She smiled, blushing again. "Keep me here until the three of you are done for the night? Just... to stay with you while I drift in that wonderful haze?"


    "Is that a yes?"


    In answer she nodded, closed her eyes, opened her mouth, and stuck out her tongue. "Ladies?"


    "Yes, dear?"


    "I''m gonna need you two to help, or we''re not gonna be done before dawn."


    Didn''t take that long. Did take a while. Did leave our Darling fully in the grips of la petit mort, a smile etched over her face, one hand on her belly and the other stretched out under her head as she slept.


    "So, Kitten, any secret sexy desires from Grandma for you?"


    She rolled her eyes. "I''m her granddaughter, Tabitha. Do you plan on telling Isnomi about your potential conquests?"


    "Point." I turned to Marie. "So, do you..." That''s when I saw the tears in her eyes. "Want to tell me about Tina Kae now?"


    "Who?" asked Saffron.


    As Marie got her tears under some semblance of control, we both moved her around so we could snuggle her without moving too far from Siobhan. "Right... right before the end Grandma told me to tell Marie that Tina Kae said good bye." I turned back to Marie. "When you''re ready, Mittens."


    She nodded, took a deep breath and said, "Tina Kae." Her pronunciation, the intonation and emphasis, was odd. Almost archaic, although I have no idea how I knew that. "Sister. Wife?" She paused. "Sister Wife?"


    "Lover?" Saffron suggested.


    Marie shrugged, then nodded. "Eventually."


    Something clicked in my head. "Wait, Sister wife? You mean you two were married to the same dude?"


    She nodded. "King." She snorted. "Petty King."


    Saffron piped up then, confusion clear in her voice. "Grandma never told me she''d had a Maenad lover before. I mean, wait..."


    "Wasn''t."


    I thought about a petty King with multiple wives. "Were you guys wives, or concubines?"


    "Then, there?" She shrugged. "Same Thing."


    Before I could really grasp the clue that had been floating around, the one I''d only realized was tryna find a brain to land in, Saffron said, "how did a petty King come to have a Maenad concubine, one among many?"


    Marie rolled her eyes, shook her head, and repeated. "Wasn''t."


    The clue settled its ponderous ass right in the middle of my brain. I whispered, hoping it wouldn''t fly away, hoping it wasn''t a delusion. "You knew her before you were a Maenad." Marie nodded. "Thousands of years ago." Marie nodded again, smiling softly now. "You two were concubines of a petty King. Not the only ones I''m guessing?" She shook her head. "So you two spent time together?"


    Marie smiled a melancholy smile and words slipped out of her, almost like she didn''t realize she was saying them, "loved her"


    "What happened?"


    "Father Came."


    "Oh. Oh, holy shit, your dad came to rescue you from this petty King?"


    She shook her head, a bitter frown twisting her features. She placed one claw on her chest. "Gifted me." Then she growled out, "invasion Excuse."


    "Your father invaded... you''re a Princess?" She rolled her eyes, shook her head. "Oh. Your dad''s a King though?"


    "Was."


    I rolled my eyes right back at her. "Well, yeah, duh. Three thousand years."


    "No." She paused until I shut up. "Dethroned Him." My mouth kinda dropped open. She put one claw right up to her eye. "Made Imperfect."


    "Oh, shit. He didn''t get it healed?"


    Saffron cut in at that point. "Thousands of years ago only a few could Heal a lost eye. He wasn''t from Athens, was he?" Marie shook her head. "Need I guess his name?"


    Marie shook her head, but I said, "I, uh, don''t get it."


    "One city has bred their Kings to be the greatest fighters in the world for generations. Just because one had a daughter wouldn''t make her any less great a fighter. Just a slave rather than a Hero. Slave of a King named Leonidas."


    "Wait, wasn''t Leonidas the dude at Thermopylae?"


    Marie fuckin'' hissed like scalded cat. "Holy... holy crap. Really?"


    "Grandfather."


    "Oh. Oh, shit." Then another thought hit. "Wait, wasn''t that like.. twenty five hundred years ago?"


    "Cycles."


    Saffron nodded. "Thermopylae has been the battleground between Troy and Greece since antiquity. There have been no less than four ''Battles of Thermopylae'', although some scholars posit six. At least three of the four, or four of the six, were Spartans lead by a Leonidas defending against Trojans."


    "Wow. Wow, and holy shit." Then I remembered. "So what happened to Tina Kae?"


    I realized just before she crumpled, and caught her and held her while she wept, old, long forgotten scars opening. "Executed." She sobbed. "Defiling Me."


    "Oh, shit. What did you do?"


    "Dethroned Him." She shrugged. "Then Dionysus."


    "That feud''s been going on a while, huh?"


    She nodded, and Saffron, who''d snuggled up to her, whispered, "it ends with us, my lovely wife."


    She purred through her sobs. We carried her back to our bed, where we laid Siobhan atop her, glowing belly resting against glowing belly, then snuggled ourselves around her and fell asleep.


    Dreamed of Marie hovering over my Maw, my tentacles surrounding her, supporting her... Reveling with her in that most Maenad of ways. When we finished, as false dawn lit the sky, her belly glowing brightly enough to match it, she reached up, grabbed the end of her hair, and ran a claw across it, lopping off a ragged six inches. "Goodbye, Love," she whispered as she tossed that hair into my Maw.


    I sprang clean out of bed as the taste of flaming ouzo hit me. Flaming ouzo and blood and meat and sex and I looked and a smug Marie settled into bed where I''d been laying.


    A moment later Karen arrived in the room, and as she''d done before elsewhere, she extended the benefits of her Holy Garb to the room. I glanced at Marie. "Did you?"


    Karen looked a little sheepish and said, "I have assisted my sister in Mimic with cleanup a time or two. It''s not like it requires more than my presence and continued devotion."


    Was still kinda shook when Saffron woke up and sent me to Drivers''. Apparently Grandma loved Drivers'' food. Mister and Mrs. Driver insisted on coming back with me, and they brought the young men and women working for them, most of whom were way too young to be waiting tables anyplace with child labor laws, but those don''t really exist here and now. To be honest, i kinda needed them to help carry everything they''d prepared. Like, full servings of everything on their menu, with armloads and armloads of the popular stuff and Grandma''s ''favorites''. Even my tentacles piled high with stuff, I stepped them back only to find the Homestead starting to fill up with party guests.


    At that point Saffron sent me back to that little diner on South Street. Ostensibly I went there to pick up ouzo. Another Grandma favorite. Once again I went expecting to come back with a bottle, or a box, or a crate. I came back with Dionysus, Diana, the Maenads from Grandma''s House and their kids, not to mention an entire diner full of kids of all sizes. Each and every one of us carrying as much booze as we could carry.


    The party... yeah, the party got more than ''a little carried away''. Every kid from the diner, from Lancaster House, from the Homestead, from Drivers, all of them hyped up on Drivers'' sugary treats and bottle caps of ouzo because it was a ''special occasion''. Most of the adults went easy on the liquor until the kids conked out midafternoon, all of them piling up in and around our big assed bed, although I think some of them spilled out into the girls'' rooms.


    Then the ouzo flowed, and that bit about ''celebrating life in the oldest way possible'' started happening. Didn''t see anybody with fancy glowing belly tattoos, but if there''s a baby boom in nine months, I''m declaring them all kids of Grandma''s Wake. Yeah, there was a lot of that. I didn''t get names. Okay, I remember one name and face very specifically, because when a sloppy drunk Devorah stumbled up to the four of us, who''d just reconvened our mutual drinking, my Big Gremlin Trickster Energy reared its head.


    "Izzit... Izzit after enough?" Devora slurred.


    "You got me mead?" She blinked, looked like she was about to cry. "Ladies?"


    "Not After." Marie declared.


    "It is not," agreed Saffron with that super serious look people drunk off their ass sometimes got.


    "Nope. Need the mead to get her seed, that''s the creed!" I swear Siobhan giggled her way through that whole thing.


    "Okay, yeah, but," I said, pulling Devorah back into my lap, my hands roaming of their own accord. Okay, there were six more hands kinda doing the same without thinking. Devorah''s got a lot of curves for fondling. "you ladies remember Friday." They all nodded. "After the wedding? That night, after sunset?"


    Saffron''s grin showed up, and her hands started roaming with a little more intent. Siobhan said, "bedroom? But... not after?"


    I shook my head as Marie purred and followed Saffron''s example. "No, no, no. Before the Bedroom."


    "Oh! But, before that we all OH!" She giggled again, slipped around to sandwich Devorah between us, then kissed her. On the lips. On her face. Then kinda worked her way down. I slipped us all to the Bedroom, "so we didn''t get interrupted."


    Like half an hour later she was a whimpering, begging mess. I felt a little bad, so I grabbed something off the headboard, and as my ladies watched, delivered her back to her own rooms at the Homestead, leaving a little gift in her hands. "You''re going?"


    "Not after yet." I said, then leaned down close and breathed into her lips. "That''s gonna be So. Much. More. Than. This."


    She kinda whimpered and clutched at me, but I was gone.


    Yeah, I know, that was kinda mean of us, but it''s not like we didn''t leave the woman my ladies'' very favorite headboard toy. The replacement for the one I swallowed.

 Day Six Hundred And Thirty-Four

    Dear Diary,


    Yeah, I know that the other day I said the start of this week wasn''t so much an ''emotional roller coaster'' as some kind of emotional rocket sled ride, at this point I can confirm that this shit has totally done everything a roller coaster ought to do. Real life roller coasters are what they are, but I think in this case I''m gonna say that I do not want to do that again. It was almost like a simulation of manic depression, but without the actual manic phase rush. I guess maybe I didn''t get the full on crash into depression, but then it''s possible that shit just hasn''t hit me yet. Or the repeated dopamine injections made it so I''m either gonna slide into depression smoothly or wind up crashing some time next week for no apparent reason.


    I really fuckin'' hate to think that it might be both. That would suck.


    So, uh, yeah. Yesterday was a Thing That Happened. I, uh... yeah. Some leftover neopuritan part of me is screaming at me that I''m a bad person and an even worse wife for not even knowing all the names of the assorted hookups after the ouzo started flowing, but on the ''bad wife'' part at one point I distinctly remember Saffron summoning up her cheerleader outfit specifically to encourage some... dude? I think? Oh, shit, I didn''t even ask. I''m assuming at this point that penis haver with beard into chicks is dude, but he needed some encouragement to get his freak on with a Goddess, and Saffron thought it was cute. Reminded me a little of Panther. But when Wife number one is literally cheering me on and Wife number two is offering both of us practical advice from the sidelines, that whole ''you''re a bad wife'' part loses a lot of its impact.


    The ''bad person'' part? Fuck, I dunno. Maybe edging Devorah and leaving her to self service with my ladies'' favorite fascina was kinda mean. Definitely gonna tell her how all four of us, drunk off our collective asses, got utterly fascinated by her use of a fascina. No, we were not scrying on her. Yes, that fascina is the Mimic-hide one. No, I wasn''t paying attention to the side effects of that when I left it with her. Yes, my ladies started giving me funny looks when I got distracted, slipped into my head because I was too drunk to form words, and subsequently got just as distracted as I was.


    When the sun went down, before I could do the same to Marie I snuggled up to her and whispered, "no... not... Maw. No. Please?"


    She hadn''t gotten nearly as much ouzo in her as I had. "But Worship?"


    I rolled my eyes, then regretted it as the room started spinning and refused to stop. Okay, when I rolled over and clung to her it did barrel rolls instead, so I closed my eyes and whimpered, "not in person? Not real you? Please?"


    She snuggled me to her, and I returned the snuggle. "Why Not?"


    "I don'' wanna wisk... whisk? Risk! I no wanna wrist using... no, losing you." She ran a claw across my cheek, and I shook my head. Bad idea, room started spinning along two axes. "Na tonight. Taste too good. No innibitcoins. No... no... self control. Yeah. NO self control. Don wanna eat you."


    She buried her mouth in my hair and whispered, "Do Too."


    "Okay, yeah, flavor tasty nom good, but wan Marie an Marie babbies an Marie hugs and Marie forever more." I pouted into the fur on her chest. "Dumb bitch me can''t keep fuckin'' tentacles to herself."


    She laughed then, a real quiet laugh as she gently pulled me against her and snuggled me more. "Enjoyed That." When I went to say something, she interrupted with, "Not Again." After a pause, she followed that with a thoughtful, "Not Now."


    I snorted, half asleep. "What, you waiting fer the next litter?"


    She nodded, jostling my head, and pulled my hand down to lay it on her belly, her claw atop it holding it in place. "Stronger... Safer."


    "Tryna get Mimic to guard our kittens like they''re her own?"


    "They Are." That kinda sent me spinning in entirely different ways. I''m not sure it got better or worse when she said, "Yours, Hers." By the time she said, "Mine, Ours." I''d already fallen half asleep. At some point during the night I remembered I''d intended some lip on lip action south of Marie''s border, but when I got there I''d been pre-empted by a snoring Ice Pop. Too cute, couldn''t move her, rooched back up and held Marie until I drifted off.


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    Dreamt of all my ladies stumbling around my Maw, Marie hip checking them in as she walked widdershins around the perimeter. Over and over until they all grabbed her and tried to yeet her in, and failed successfully by leaping in themselves clutching her. Weird flavor combination, especially with everyone doused in licorice.


    Woke up maybe a little tense after that, but calmed when I realized that our room had not spontaneously generated windows, but that Marie''s belly glowed bright enough in the darkness that I didn''t really need my wireframe vision to look at all my sleeping ladies. Laying there in the quiet, dim, warm womb of our big family bed, I whispered, "Mittens?"


    "Yes, Vlickies?"


    "You weren''t, y''know, tryna end yourself fornicating with my Maw for reals, were you?"


    She gently yet inexorably pulled me up until I could look her in the eye. "No, Vlickies." She shook her head, slowly, nuzzling my face until some part of me inside let go of the idea. "I Mourned." I waited, and eventually she followed that with, "Mimic Mourned."


    "Looked a lot like you were doing the Wake thing rather than the Funeral one."


    She just smiled at me. "With You!"


    Part of me wanted to argue with her, talk about how I''m not really the Apocalypse Fatass, just an Avatar and Demigoddess. Another part didn''t want to open that can of worms right now, because if she didn''t get that, I''m not sure how she''d feel about me, or Mimic, or her recent nocturnal visitation. Which, now that I thought about what I remembered, was the kind of freaky hot that you normally had to download directly from Japan, because the censors wouldn''t let folks in the US host shit like that. But the thing that mostly kept me too uncertain to say anything was Marie. She''s thousands of years old. If she doesn''t know that shit about me and Mimic being different, or doesn''t buy it, maybe she''s right.


    Which does not make me feel copacetic about all my urges to taste the lady rainbow.


    I''m also entirely uncertain what kind of freak it makes me that I really want them to, any time they need a haircut, donate the clippings to the ''Make My Mimic Maw Happy'' fund. I mean, eating hair was just nasty if I thought about doing it with my actual mouth on my face. Okay, occasionally swallowing a short bit was fine when it just wound up there. But, like, nomming a hank off of one of my lady loves'' heads just sounds weird. Like there are Dark Web websites dedicated to that shit.


    Around sunrise, Saffron went through a very subdued boot up routine, then cracked her eyes open and said, "would it be too much to ask to hold the sun out of the sky for a day?"


    "Probably fuck up all kinds of shit if I did. Crops, livestock, wildlife, people who work outside because lantern oil is spendy..."


    She sighed and closed her eyes. "Ow."


    "Siobhan, you got anything for hangovers?"


    "No," Saffron interrupted. "No, that seems... disrespectful? Like we ought not skip over the consequences of our Revel celebrating Grandma?"


    I snuggled her and said, "Fair. So no escaping your headache, mild nausea, or light sensitivity. Got it. But..."


    She''d been giving me stink eye as I recited the hangover symptoms which I kinda had, but not really. Little bit hungry, even, definitely thirsty as fuck. Not like that''s abnormal, but I was talking about water. "Go on."


    "Since you were willing to do the eclipse thing..." I pulled in a tentacle, leaving it semi-corporeal, and wrapped it around her, especially around her eyes, leaving her wreathed in fuzzy darkness. "There you go. I got you, Kitten."


    "I half expected some kind of darkened spectacles."


    I shrugged. "Yeah, no, that would look cool as shit on you, but this way I get to fondle you all day long."


    "I can''t help but notice you''re focusing on my temples rather than my tits."


    "Yeah, well. I feel like fondling your brain today. Sue me."


    So today we all went back to work. I did hop and get a pair of shades for Siobhan after I got Saffron and I to the Grand Council. She looks adorable in her cutaway robes and a pair of cute white classic Ray-Ban Wayfarers. No, I did not find a white pair of Wayfarers. Yes, I have learned how to alter stuff I steal. The colors at least. Yes, i did that just for the extra cute, because it wasn''t hurting anybody, and I feel like after, y''know, killing Gods and Dragons and Undead to protect this little nation of ours, it''s not a step too far to indulge myself by spending the day fondling my Kitten while ogling our Concubine in cute sunglasses.


    Especially when I wound up doing laundry most of the day at the Academy. Where they''d had their own Wake the night before. With people who do not hold their liquor as well as me and my ladies. Shit, they don''t hold it as well as our fuckin'' toddlers.


    Yes, I''m a bit salty about washing puke sheets all day.


    Made it all worth while, though, when the me cooking back at the Homestead suddenly had a Marie shawl around my shoulders. "Been Watching." I focused on tryna keep everything cooking properly and not burning shit or fucking it up some other way. Think I might have anyway when she shut my brain down for an indeterminate amount of time by nuzzling my ear and murmuring, "Good Girl."

 Day Six Hundred And Thirty-Five

    Dear Diary,


    I am simultaneously amused, appalled, and surprised at myself, all for the same reason. I''ve never before had the thought that genuinely enjoyable, creative, mutually satisfactory sexy time could be the, y''know, least interesting part of an encounter. I mean, yeah, I''ve obviously had days where Saffron and I, or Saffron and Marie, or even Siobhan and I have gotten busy to everyone''s gleeful satisfaction, and something else about that day stood out more. Like fighting a bunch of crazy Vikings, talking with Mom and Dad about stuff, playing with the kids, or even just some conversation the next day. I guess sometimes I''ve even focused more on the conversation with my ladies than our sexual hijinks.


    Back in the day, of course, I had plenty of sex where it just made sense to roll over and play some Call of Duty afterward, because the sex itself was boring as shit. Y''know, if there''s one form of ''entertainment'' I absolutely do not miss from back in the day? Bad sex. I don''t think I''ve had actual bad sex since I got here. Which might be a factor of being in awesome shape, of being a Deity of Passion and Ecstasy, or having eager, loving partners. Wait, no, I remember at least once, when I got that idea about doing it in armor and tried doing myself with both of me wearing my Dragon Slayer armor.


    Oof. What does it say about me that I might not count as an ''eager, loving partner'' for myself?


    Anyway, collapsed all of myself back to the Homestead kitchen as I brought Siobhan and Saffron home from work. Yeah, they could do it themselves, but they both work all day. With Saffron in the Grand Council, I''m basically bodyguarding an absolute badass in the middle of Atlantis'' biggest permanent military encampment. Mostly I spend my time trolling McCann with ''accidental'' crotch flashes. Lenny doesn''t react, I like Cailyn too much to mess with George, and I''m vaguely afraid that if I pull that shit on Mrs. Driver I''m gonna wind up with seven feet of bull phallus in a place that''s only rated for seven inches. Okay, fourteen, tops, but I gotta be really into it or that shit just hurts in a bad way. In the Infirmary I sit there staring at Siobhan''s now partially exposed ass most of the day, except when I''m staring at that gradually fading belly tattoo. I did pull her aside at lunch and ask about that.


    "Oh, it''s fading naturally, that''s normal," she explained. "If there were some problem, the blessing would take on some color other than that of my or Hestia''s Aura. Were it red, or certain shades of blue, green, or brown, or heaven forbid black, I''d be worried. But this is just the Mana of the Blessing gradually expending itself, now that," she trailed off, blushing.


    "Now that what?"


    She leaned over tow whisper, "now that my pregnancy is well and truly underway."


    "Oh, so like if it didn''t take properly, it would go some weird colors?"


    She nodded. "So I''m told. I haven''t worked too much with these." She lay a hand on her belly, then almost subconsciously started stroking it. "But I''ve been studying midwifery, especially the more Mana Shaping and Blessing related portions."


    "Worried about your first pregnancy?"


    She smiled and shook her head. "Marie." When I tilted my head, because deliberately unhealed wedding night damage aside, she''s literally inhumanly resilient. "Maenads... don''t get pregnant."


    "Never?"


    She shrugged and shook her head again. "Not that I''ve heard of or read about. Or that any of her sisters I''ve spoken with know of. I suppose it''s possible, since Dionysus thought all of the Maenads living at Grandma''s house were his, but it''s vanishingly rare."


    I pulled her over for a quick kiss before she got up to go back to work. "Glad we''ve got my favorite healer studying up on midwifery then!"


    She blushed and went back to looking over the Cadets in the cots.


    When we all got home, I walked out with dinner, a chain of me carrying big platters of omelets and fresh baked bread. I know, it''s a little breakfast for dinner, and it''s a little plain compared to what we''ve had before, but we had eggs and cheese and some spring vegetables, and if we ate any more bear we''d start growing fur and growling.


    When I went to settle down in my seat, bringing one plate for Marie and I and one for Saffron and Siobhan, I found Saffron Co-Located to both chairs, one baby bearer in each lap. "Uh, not that view isn''t great, but is this your way of telling me I need to diet?"


    Saffron laughed. Marie and Siobhan both smiled, but Saffron had already started filling them with food, and differing table manners here and now aside, spewing food while laughing was way too Norfolk for my classy ladies. "No, love. But you''ve somewhere to be."


    "Huh?"


    "At sunset it''s Friday."


    It took me a second. Then it hit me. "Oh, shit. Uh, the weekly Revel is tonight?" She nodded. "I guess... fuck, some of them are probably waiting for me, aren''t they?"


    "With bated breath and eager anticipation, love." Siobhan and Marie, mouths getting filled every time they swallowed trying to clear them, just nodded agreement.


    I took a deep breath. "No chance any of you could come along?"


    Saffron shook her head. "Sorry, love, but a Wake is one thing, a weekly Revel... I''d like to keep these two away from anything that might stress them until the Blessings are fully faded."


    "So when they go dim it''s, what, a sign that all the paperwork is in order and we just need to wait seven to fifteen months for delivery?"


    Siobhan almost snorted out egg at that, but Saffron just nodded. "And I''ll be staying here because I''m the one who can reliably lift Marie."


    I sighed. "Okay. Just wish I could have one of you there for moral support."


    Saffron waved me over, then pulled me down for a kiss. We will all be with you, as we always are, Goof.


    When she let me go I kissed Siobhan, who thought, always and forever, love.


    I almost felt some kinda way when my Marie kiss didn''t include some kind of mental cheerleading, but the moment I pulled away she grinned and whispered, "Watching''s Fun."


    I laughed at that, hugged them all, and stepped to the altar at the Temple of Love, dropping my Blend as I did. Karen stood there kissing... Thomas, I think? Fuck, I really hope the three of them are at least brothers. But while she was kissing him with a grin on her face, she still looked relieved when i showed up. "Goddess!"


    "Hey, Karen." I sat down on the altar, throne, bed, whatever as she stepped aside to clear the seat for me. "So, uh, there''s a queue or something?"


    She laughed, nodding. "All of whom were deeply upset when you didn''t show last week."


    "I was getting married!"


    "Oh, I know. They know. I half suspect at least one of them would have given up body parts or years from her life to act as a party favor for your wedding night, though."


    I snorted. "Already got one more Concubine than I''m entirely comfortable with. But I''m guessing that one is here tonight?"


    Karen nodded. "Showed up last week just in case, then ran back to attend your wedding, then came back here after you left."


    "Hoo. Stalker, much?"


    Karen shrugged. "She''s very devout."


    I chuckled at that, then slouched onto my throne, nodding to Karen. "Okay. Send them up. One at a time, just like before. If folks are gonna Worship me this much, the least I can do is pay close personal attention, right?"


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    I have no real idea why that would get a burst of worship from Karen, her hairy companion, and everybody in hearing distance, but that bit of surprise faded into forgotten the moment I saw my first partner of the night. "Cherry?"


    He smiled, looking kind of shy. "Yeah. Hi, Goddess."


    "Oh, c''mon. Call me Tabitha."


    "Yes, Goddess... I mean Tabitha." He tried to kneel down in front of me, and I reached out and pulled him up to sit on my lap. Sexy fuzzy spring Santa, that''s me. "Uh..."


    I hugged him. "Wait, were you the Priest who didn''t get a turn last time? I swear somebody mentioned that one of you guys didn''t get a turn."


    He nodded. I''m not sure if his shyness was part of his whole private activity persona, or it was me as a Goddess that had him this way. "Yeah, I''m a Priest now. Not up to the Trials for becoming a High Priest. I hope that''s not... I''m sorry about that."


    I tipped his head up to look at me. "Don''t be." I brushed my lips across his. "Don''t ever be sorry because you think you''re not ''devout enough'' or something like that. You enjoy what you''re doing here?" He nodded. "You tryna help people?" Another nod. "You trying your best with all that?"


    "Yeah. Yeah, I am." He chuckled and said, "Trying my hardest."


    I caught the innuendo and whispered, "so, since this is all about me experiencing your hardest, what did you want from me tonight, Cherry?"


    He looked surprised. Maybe even a little shocked. "I... you don''t know?"


    I tilted my head a little and pulled him in to hug him. Cute little twinks were not my go to, but he was just so adorable and earnest at the moment. "Most folks last time I was here, uh, were praying for something in particular. Or at least had something they wanted bad enough I could tell. You..." I... I think I listened at that point. Like, listening for one of my ladies, almost, although I never had to really strain myself to hear them. It took me a little to see, because part of me was looking for something on the Marie level of freaky. Like, Cherry''s a pro. Was a pro. Fuck, Temple of Love Priest, might still be a pro. So I expected either something along the freakiest of lines, or maybe something super hyper vanilla, but when it finally clicked I sat there motionless for half a second.


    "Have I displeased you, Goddess?"


    I shook my head, then whispered, "do you like your work, Cherry?"


    "Oh, yeah. Absolutely."


    I gave him the tiniest bit of side eye. "You enjoy sex then?"


    He shrugged. "Eh. I mean, yeah, coming is nice. Bit of a mess, but that''s not always my problem, y''know? But I really love watching people lose themselves."


    "Lose themselves?"


    He shrugged, snuggling into my arms. "I mean, losing their inhibitions. Their self... loathing? Nah, most of them aren''t that bad, although if I can help somebody like that, it''s a special kind of cool."


    I let Apollo''s gifts modulate my voice as I hummed out, "but is that really what you want from me right now?" He stiffened, then kind of melted into my arms. I nuzzled his ear and quietly murmured, "you gonna be disappointed if you slip under without splashing any part of me?" He giggled muzzily and shook his head.


    So I sang to him, and held him, until he slipped into a deep, deep sleep. I turned, carried him to the far end of the bed, and whispered to Karen, "can you make sure he gets to a quiet room?"


    Kinda didn''t realize she''d been a little occupied, but she nodded, gave Thomas a quick kiss and said, "be right back," before gently lifting Cherry without disrupting the beatific smile on his snoozing face.


    When I got back to my throne, some brat had planted herself in it. Cadet Brat, to be specific. It only took me a second. "Been waiting two weeks?"


    "Yes!" Holy shit she was perky.


    Now that I kinda knew what to listen for, she was also projecting into my head almost as loudly as one of my ladies screaming imprecations. Kinda like going from smooth jazz to screamo. Not gonna diss either one, but the juxtaposition was jarring. "Okay, so since we haven''t been formally introduced, what''s your name?"


    "Brat!"


    I closed my eyes, counted to five, because some of those images were really tempting, opened them to see her sitting there, back straight, hands clutched into balls on her knees, smiling up at me like a kid about to get all the candy in the fuckin'' world. "I am well aware that you are a brat, but what is your name."


    At that point Karen, who''d returned to her... seat, cleared her throat. She looked over at me and explained. "Cadet Brat changed her name recently. Legally, through the Temple."


    I looked down at the picture of quivering eagerness in front of me, perched on my throne, and before I could ask, she said, "My Goddess has Blessed me with a new name, and I have accepted it gleefully!"


    I reached down and around her neck, then lifted her up out of the chair by her fuckin'' head. Her eyes got real wide and fluttery, but stayed open when I lifted her clear of the floor and turned us around so I stood between her and my throne. "Well. Thought you might pass out from excitement."


    She shook her head. Okay, she waggled her whole body at me. "I''ve been working on my Endurance!"


    I pulled her in close, then growled out, "I swear, one more bit of perky, and I am gonna wear all the perky out of you along with your consciousness."


    "Huzzah!"


    Yeah, after that I couldn''t go back on my word. She had been working on her Endurance, too. Took half the damn night. Lots of fun, but felt some kinda way that I only got to half a dozen Worshippers.


    As the sun neared the horizon and I lay another blissfully unconscious Reveler on the back of the Altar, Karen lay a hand on my arm. "The children will be arriving for breakfast soon."


    "Children?" I asked, slipping my Blend back up and dropping my uniform on.


    She nodded. "They come in for breakfast before lessons begin for the day. We usually have them eat in here while we Clergy speak with them about their afternoon the day prior."


    "Wait... lessons? The school''s up and running?"


    She nodded, smiling a little bashfully. "I''m not sure I''d call it a proper school, but we do have classrooms, and the smaller ones are learning their letters and numbers while the older ones learn about history and Law. They all of course study your Doctrine."


    Part of me really felt weird about literally indoctrinating kids. "Older ones?"


    "The ones nearly old enough to seek employment, or to join a Temple as Novices, or perhaps seek further education."


    "Which is how old again?"


    She nodded. "It depends on the child, but for a pure Human somewhere between eight and twelve."


    I got more than a little weirded by that. "Twelve is old enough to go to work?" Before she could reply, I answered myself. "Yeah, I guess it would be. Um... that further education. Do we offer it here at the Temple?"


    "For some subjects, yes."


    "Which ones?"


    "Any for which we have Skilled teachers. So music, art, acting, dancing, cooking, brewing, cleaning, even education itself, surprisingly enough." Tension leaked out of me until she added, "oh, and of course all the skills required of professional courtesans."


    My hand sought out my face. "Please tell me you don''t have twelve year old prostitutes in my temple."


    Credit where it''s due, she looked a little shocked at the suggestion. "No! Of course not. Any prostitutes working at the Temple are Adults." Tension began leaking out again, and bounced back up at, "especially those associated with the Temple itself. Our prostitutes pride themselves on their Skills, to the degree that starting with Priest Cherry they all regularly have me Inspect them just to update their posters."


    Yeah, I wish I could blame my sudden lack of complete coherence on lack of sleep, but Cadet Brat alone had dropped enough Worship into me that I''d be up until Sunday. "Posters?"


    She nodded. "Our Art instructor worked with Cherry on the first one. While we have adult education courses in the afternoons teaching as many who wish to learn the basics of reading and writing, not all those who come to us can read. So... may I show you, before the posters are taken down for the day?" At my quizzical look she whispered, "some of them are a bit spicy for children, so we store them away during school hours."


    I nodded, and she stepped me down to where some cute... Novices, I guessed, because they had on super slutty wedding dresses reminiscent of Karen''s Garb, were taking simple posters down from hooks high up on the wall. The one Karen stepped me in front of, then motioned for the Novices to wait, was about three feet wide by six feet tall. The top half was a really well done, almost photorealistic painting of Cherry. Well, multiple paintings; the middle one had him facing away, looking over his shoulder at the viewer. Showed off his butt really well. The others were maybe less classy, maybe more suggestive, and didn''t feature nearly as many clothes. One was just a face shot with him doing an ahegao face, another was full frontal and ready to party, but only from belly to thighs. I guess maybe for size reasons?


    "He suggested all those?"


    "Oh, yes. Although the pose on the picture of his face was suggested by our artist, but he loved it. Thought it really displayed his playful attitude with his clients."


    I shook my head as I looked at the rest of the poster, which was full of silhouettes and hash marks. A couple just had flat lines, and a couple had the classic slashed out zero. "Are those... prices?"


    "Technically, we do expect those requesting specialty Skills to donate more to the Temple, but no, those are his Skills with those particular acts."


    "Oh." Yeah, I''d kinda been whelmed a little by that point. "Okay. That makes sense. Uh, this," I touched one of the ''no'' symbols, "means that''s something he doesn''t have skill in?"


    "Oh, no. Those are the dashes. That represents an act he doesn''t perform."


    I took a moment to try and get my bearings. "Yeah. Okay. We don''t have any problems with people not respecting the signs, do we?"


    I swear I heard the hiss of a Mana Blade in her voice when she said, "not more than once."


    Then I heard the unmistakable sounds of a horde of kids approaching. "Oh, shit!" I grabbed the poster, stepped to the Bedroom, and leaned it against the mirror. I stepped back to a wave of kids rushing in, stumbling to wide eyed stops as they saw me. It''s in the Bedroom, I thought at Karen.


    "Is she...?" One of the kids, a girl somewhere between David and Maze''s age asked.


    "We have a special guest in the Temple at the moment, children. The Goddess herself is here today."


    So fuckin'' weird. I know I''ve mentioned before that different kinds of Worship kinda taste different, but I realized right then and there that every adult that I remember Worshipping me had some kind of undercurrent of smoky, savory desire. Even sweet Siobhan was kind of a cr¨¨me br?l¨¦e.


    Never been hit with a wave of pure sugar before. What else was I gonna do except say, "Hey, kids! What are you all learning today?"